Datasets:

sedthh
/

fd_dialogue

Dataset card Data Studio Files Files and versions Community

Split (1)

train · 5.38k rows

TEXT stringlengths 1.25k 199k	METADATA stringlengths 54 187	SOURCE stringclasses 1 value
Charmed "Hulkus Pocus" Season 8, Episode 9 =========================== RECAP ------- [Scene from 8x08: Battle Of The Hexes] PAIGE: Leave him alone or I'm gonna call the cops! HENRY: Don't bother. That's where he's headed already. PAIGE: You're a parole officer? PAIGE: (voice-over) PREVIOUSLY ON CHARMED HENRY: Still trying to figure you out. PAIGE: Why? HENRY: Because I can't, that's why. I do like a challenge, though. [Scene from 8x06: kll Billie: Vol. 1] (Phoebe talking to Paige at the Manor.) PHOEBE: It's just so complicated, you know? I find this guy, this great guy, and then the spell and the premonitions just... mess everything up. (Billie talking to the three sisters in the attic.) BILLIE: The night my sister was taken... (Flash to a black-robed demon taking Billie's sister and flying out of the window.) That was the last time I ever saw her. [Scene from 8x05: Rewitched] (Agent Murphy introducing himself to Billie.) AGENT MURPHY: Agent Murphy, Homeland Security. (Piper and Phoebe talk to Agent Murphy in his office.) PIPER: You wanna know more about who we are and what we do, we'll tell you. PHOEBE: And help you out with a few cases along the way. If you help us. PROLOGUE ------------ [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Magic school is in complete chaos; there's broken furniture all over the place, and the floor is surrounded with broken objects and ripped off book pages. We hear sounds of demons fighting and fireballs crashing not too far away.) (Paige and Piper orb in. They cautiously walk down the magic school's hallway.) PAIGE: Sounds like we found him. PIPER: Yeah, but what's he doing at magic school? PAIGE: What do you mean? This place is Demon Central. PIPER: And it's beating up other demons, that's not what Krycheks do. PAIGE: Yeah, but they also don't attck gnomes and leprechauns, but this one did. PIPER: Something's not right, it doesn't make sense. PAIGE: Yeah, well, what doesn't make sense is that we are tracking this thing. And what does the government want with this demon anyway? PIPER: That will be the first thing I'm gonna ask Agent Murphy when... (A demon flies past Piper and Paige, hits the wall and bursts into flame.) PIPER: (wide-eyed) ... we figure out what's going on. (A hideously deformed demon runs at amazing speed and growls at Piper and Paige.) PIPER: Uh-oh. PAIGE: Ah! (Paige throws a potion at the demon, but to no effect. Piper blasts the demon twice. The demon keeps walking and growling. Piper shrieks and blasts the demon a third time. The demon collapses.) PIPER: Ooh! PAIGE: That thing's a Krychek? PIPER: How is that possible? PAIGE: Who cares? Just vanquish it! PIPER: I already tried, and Agent Murphy wants us to bring the thing back. PAIGE: I'm not bringing that thing back! (A bunch of demons walk in. One of them, Emrick, throws a fireball at Piper and Paige.) PIPER: Go, go, go, go! (Piper and Paige orb out. The fireball goes crashing into the...) [OPENING CREDITS] PART ONE ----------- [INT. MANOR - SITTING ROOM - DAY] (Piper reads the Book of Shadows. Phoebe is standing next to Piper, holding a cup of coffee.) PIPER: See, this is what a Krychek demon is supposed to look like. PHOEBE: (drinks coffee) Well, maybe the one you guys were following is just a bigger one. PIPER: No, this wasn't just bigger. This was like going from you to Schwarzenegger. PHOEBE: That's so weird. PIPER: Yeah, scary weird. (Leo enters, holding two pairs of skis and ski boots.) PIPER: Oh, good! You found the skis! LEO: Yeah! They're kind of old, though. Maybe we should just rent new ones, you know. (Drops the ski boots on his feet.) Ow! Damn it! PIPER: Watch your language. Wyatt is picking up everything we say lately. PHOEBE: I'm gonna get some more coffee. Guys want anything? PIPER: No, thanks. (To Leo) You're okay with those? LEO: Yes, I got these. Listen, why don't you finish packing? I wanna miss traffic, okay? PIPER: I know, I'm gonna, I just, I need to talk to Agent Murphy first about this demon of his. LEO: Piper. PIPER: What, I can't just let it go, can I? LEO: Yes, you can! Come on, when was the last time we had a weekend together (enticing voice) alone? PIPER: (smiles) I know, and I promise nothing is gonna stop that from happening, I promise, but I... just kinda need to talk to him first. LEO: Why can't Billie talk to Murphy? PAIGE: (enters, holding a cell phone) Uhh! Because I cannot find Billie anywhere! She's not answering. Maybe we could just get her a pager? PIPER: Well, just keep trying. PHOEBE: (enters, holding her cup of coffee) Oh. Paige, Henry called for you last night. PAIGE: Why? What did he want? PHOEBE: Uh, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure he wants... you. PAIGE: That's ridiculous. PIPER: Why? Don't you like him? PAIGE: No! PHOEBE: Really? Then why is your face turning red? PAIGE: It's not turning red. I probably just put too much blush on. LEO (laughs) It's... kinda turning red. (Paige glares at him, Leo immediately stops smiling.) PIPER: (waves at Phoebe) Okay, why don't you and me go see what the government's not telling us, and I'll be right back, I swear. (Kisses Leo) PAIGE: (to Phoebe) Hey, don't you have a lunch date? PHOEBE: I can't 'til I'm done taking a little hiatus. PAIGE: From lunch? PHOEBE: (on her way out) From men! (Piper and Leo exchange glances.) PAIGE: (dials Billie's number) OK... Come on, Billie. (Flash to...) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Billie peeks at a bunch of demons gathered around the deformed Krychek that Piper and Paige previously encountered. The Krychek is lying on the floor, shivering in pain. He morphs to his previous self.) SOOTHSAYER: Curious. Very curious. EMRICK: He still attcked me. Why can't I have my revenge? SOOTHSAYER: Because Margoyle wants to find out how he transformed. Why he became so powerful. EMRICK: I don't care. I can't let a lower-level demon get away with... SOOTHSAYER: You can, and you will, Emrick. Otherwise Margoyle will attck you. (The Krychek screams and combusts into a pile of smoking ashes.) EMRICK: I didn't do that! (Billie walks past behind them. Emrick sees her and follows her into the library.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - LIBRARY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Billie starts searching for some books. Emrick creeps behind her.) EMRICK: Who are you? BILLIE: Me? Umm... I'm a student. Here at magic school. Yeah, you know, I-- I must have got stuck in an astral plane or something. Did you guys possibly redecorate? (Emrick grabs her throat) Ugh! (Billie flips the demon on the ground. She draws her athame and holds it by his throat.) BILLIE: Move, and you're dad, understand? EMRICK: What do you want? BILLIE: What I want is to find the demon that took my sister fifteen years ago, but since you and buddies trash this place, I can't find the books that I need. So you're gonna have to find him for me. (She presses her athame hard, gashing the demon's neck, causing him to groan in pain.) Her name is Christy. Christy Jenkins. Ask around. I'll be back. (Billie punches Emrick, who screams, and she walks away.) (Flash to...) [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY] (The doorbell rings.) PAIGE: Ah! Billie, finally! (Paige opens the manor's door.) HENRY: (enters, holding a baby, sounds distracted) Hi, how you're doing... PAIGE: Henry, what are you doing here? HENRY: I need your help. Baby's mom got sent to prison. I got until the end of the day to find his dad or he's gonna get put into the system. PAIGE: And you're telling me this why? HENRY: (pleading) 'Cause I need you to watch him for me. PAIGE: Oh, no! I don't do babies. No. Sorry. No. HENRY: I tried callin'. PAIGE: Look, you can't just stop by and drop a baby in my lap! HENRY: Look, you said you're all about doing good, right? Here's your chance. PAIGE: No, that's not what I meant! HENRY: Ooh! You know how beautiful your eyes are when you're angry? PAIGE: Are you trying to charm me? HENRY: You think I'm charming? PAIGE: No, I don't! HENRY: Look, I'm doing this under the radar, okay? I can't keep Ramón in my office, Social Services could show up, they'll take him. (Paige rolls eyes, but holds out her arms.) Oh! Thank you. Here you go. PAIGE: (taking the baby) For the record... I resent this. HENRY: Yeah, he might need to be changed, too. I owe you! (Leaves quickly) [INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - AGENT MURPHY'S OFFICE - DAY] AGENT MURPHY: Ah! Good you're back. How did it go? PIPER: (folding arms) Not good! AGENT MURPHY: What do you mean? Where's our demon? PIPER: Our demon? Why don't you tell us a little bit more about "our demon"? PHOEBE: Like how the government got him in the first place. AGENT MURPHY: Uh... I don't really know. I wasn't in the loop. PIPER: Well, you need to get in the loop, and fast, because our demon was a little more powerful than we expected, and I'd like to know why. AGENT MURPHY: I'm sorry, but I can't tell you what I don't know. PIPER: (sighs) Phoebe, go get a premonition off him, see if he's lying. PHOEBE: No, I can't. PIPER: What do you mean, you can't? Just go touch him. PHOEBE: Seriously, I can't. I don't really believe in them anymore. PIPER: Ugh! (Turns to Phoebe) What do you mean? PHOEBE: Well, they haven't really worked well for me lately, so why should I listen to them? PIPER: That's not true. PHOEBE: Oh, really? Do I look pregnant to you? AGENT MURPHY: Ladies! Did you g-- PIPER: Hold it. (To Phoebe) I realize why you feel this way, and I understand, but you can't give up on your gift. PHOEBE: My gift gave up on me. PIPER: That is not true! AGENT MURPHY: Guys! Hey! Did you or didn't you get the demon back? (Piper and Phoebe glare at him) Well, that was the objective. PIPER: (sighs) Are you kidding me? We barely wounded it! AGENT MURPHY: So, you still gotta go get him! PHOEBE: Dude, are you deaf? PIPER: What did you guys do to that thing? AGENT MURPHY: I have no idea, okay? I swear. But if we don't get it off the streets, we all could get exposed. PIPER: (to Phoebe) There's the E word again. [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Billie enters, looking preoccupied.) PAIGE: (holding Ramón) Hey, where've you been? BILLIE: (bad liar) Class. PAIGE: Oh, really? I've been trying to call you all morning. BILLIE: Well, my cell phone died. PAIGE: (doesn't buy it) Oh? Yeah. Okay. Mm-hmm. (She dials Billie's number, Billie's cell phone rings in her purse.) BILLIE: (quickly turns her cell off) Yeah. So, umm... It's a great baby there. Is it yours? PAIGE: Forget the baby, okay? (Paige puts Ramón in his basket.) Where were you? BILLIE: Look. I've been handling this whole demon load just fine, so what I do in my own time, it's my business. PAIGE: You know what? You're doing the bratty thing, which means you are probably doing something you shouldn't be doing. Did you go at magic school? BILLIE: Yes. Yes, okay, but there's information there on my sister, so what do you expect? PAIGE: I expect you to be available when we need you! That is the whole point of us teaching you! BILLIE: Well, I'm not a doctor, okay, I can't be available 24/7! PAIGE: Yes, actually, you can, because you weren't around, I'm stuck taking care of this baby now! (Emrick, hideously deformed, shimmers behind Billie and snarls.) (Billie turns around.) PAIGE: (orbs baby) Nursery! EMRICK: Remember me, witch? PAIGE: You know him? (Billie throws her Knfe at Emrick; he groans, claws the Knfe out of his left shoulder and throws it at full force on Billie. She gasps and ducks right in time. Emrick throws a chair and a table out of his way, then hits Billie hard, scraping her neck.) BILLIE: Ahh! (Billie falls down. Emrick walks towards Paige, groaning.) PAIGE: (orbs Emrick) Magic school! BILLIE: (pants) Okay, so maybe I know him. [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART TWO ------------ [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - DAY] (Phoebe and Piper enter the manor. Phoebe goes through the mail as she talks to Piper.) PHOEBE: Can't we just get back to the freaky demon, please? PIPER: Yeah, we can. After I deal with you. PHOEBE: Ugh! I don't understand why you can't just let this go? PIPER: Look, I understand your problem with your premonitions, but why cancel all your dates? PHOEBE: Because they're me trying to make my premonitions come true. PIPER: So? PHOEBE: So, it's not working, okay? My conception date has come and gone. PIPER: Okay, Phoebe, it's okay to feel disappointed. PHOEBE: No, I'm not disappointed, you know? I'm relieved. PIPER: So now you don't want a baby? PHOEBE: No, of course I do. I definitely do. Just not right now, okay? No men, no babies. Just me. What's so wrong with that? PIPER: Nothing. Nothing is wrong with that, except for the fact that it's not you. PHOEBE: (sighs) Don't you have a ski trip to get ready for? (Notices Billie sweeping broken glass in the living room.) What the hell? PIPER: Language! [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] PHOEBE: Hi! What happened? BILLIE: Umm... A demon attcked us. I guess I kinda ticked him off at magic school. PHOEBE: Magic school? What were you doing there? BILLIE: Look, Paige already gave me the what were you thinking speech, so... PIPER: So what were you thinking? BILLIE: Look, I only went there so I can get more information on my sister. PHOEBE: I understand you want answers. We want answers too, but that cannot be your primary focus. (Notices Billie's neck wound) Oh, sweetie, you're hurt! BILLIE: Oh. No, that's just a scratch. PHOEBE: Okay, but a hair deeper and you would've needed stitches. BILLIE: Really, it's not a big deal, I'm getting used to it. So anyway, Paige thinks the demon did the same Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde that the one at magic school did. So whatever got him all hulked out, he was able to track me. Which is cool! I mean, bad cool, but still kinda cool. PIPER: So now there's two of them running around out there? BILLIE: No, actually, I saw yours go poof back in magic school. He's dad. PHOEBE: Oh. Murphy will be excited about that. PIPER: Yeah, but why are all these demons running around on steroids? It doesn't make any sense. BILLIE: (eagerly) Do you want me to check the book, so you can still go on your trip? PIPER: Yeah, sure, uh... thanks. You're still in the doghouse. (Ramón can be heard crying.) PHOEBE: That's not yours. PIPER: That's not mine. [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Ramón is crying, sitting on a chair. Paige, next to him, is mixing something in a bowl.) PIPER: (to Ramón) Hi! (to Paige) Where'd you get that baby? PAIGE: Oh, Henry, uh, dropped him off with me. PIPER: Uh, because? PAIGE: Because he likes to see me squirm. No, apparently, the baby's mom is in jail, and we're trying to find the dad. PHOEBE: Well, that's very noble of him. PAIGE: Yeah, well, ten bucks says he knows where to find him. PHOEBE: Told you she likes him. PIPER: Hmm. PAIGE: (coaxes the baby into eating) Yeee-hmm! PIPER: Hi, buddy! Does he have a name? PAIGE: Yeah. This is Ramón. PHOEBE: So, uh, Billie told us what happened. PAIGE: Yeah. I talked to her about it, you know, but I can't really blame her. PIPER: She said the demon looked like the Krychek. PAIGE: Yeah, only in size and in power. Billie said when she confronted him before, he wasn't nearly as big. Did you get anything out of Agent Murphy? PHOEBE: Just that he wants the demon back, which is kind of disturbing. Now that Billie saw him die, I don't really think it's our problem anymore. PIPER: I'd still like to know what's making them so powerful. PAIGE: Okay, well, I have to get Henry to take this baby somewhere else because it is too dangerous around here. Pheebs, will you watch him for me? PHOEBE: What? No, I ca-- I can't, I have stuff that I have to do, I mean, you should probably take him with you, right? PAIGE: I can't! Social Services might be there waiting to take him. Oh, come on, you love babies. PHOEBE: Yeah, I know, I'm just, you know, focusing on other things right now. PIPER: (takes the baby and gives it to Phoebe) You know, I think this is precisely what you should be focusing on. PHOEBE: Uh-- uh-- I mean-- uh-- PIPER: Come on! She's gotta go to Henry, I gotta go romance my husband, it's just a baby, it doesn't bite. PAIGE: Did I miss something? PHOEBE: Nothing. PIPER: A lot. Mmm. See ya! (Piper leaves the kitchen.) PAIGE: All right. (Gives Phoebe the baby's blanket) Here you go, honey. (Paige follows Piper.) PHOEBE: OK, little one. Apple sauce... (Flash to...) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Several demons are mumbling, gathered around the main table. Emrick lies on it.) EMRICK: (shivering in pain) What's happening to me? MARGOYLE: (walks in) They're dying like all the others. It's happening all over the underworld. What have you learned? SOOTHSAYER: I'm still studying his bo-- MARGOYLE: (grabbing the soothsayer by the throat) Studying? I don't have time for you to study. I want you to know. (Releases the soothsayer.) I want to harness this great power before another overlord does. Without meeting his fate. SOOTHSAYER: At least this one's lived the longest. He may hold the key to preventing the power from klling you. MARGOYLE: How? SOOTHSAYER: If I can isolate the one cell fragment in his blood that's causing it... (Emrick bursts into flame and combusts into a pile of ashes. The soothsayer steps back, startled. Not overly pleased, Margoyle powers up an energy ball.) SOOTHSAYER: Margoyle! Please! I just need a little more time! (Margoyle throws the energy ball at him. The soothsayer screams and explodes.) MARGOYLE: Time's up. (A Tracker walks towards the table.) What do you want, Tracker? TRACKER: Last night I saw The Charmed Ones attck the Krychek. MARGOYLE: So? TRACKER: This morning, their new witch attcked Emrick. Both demons had the power you seek. MARGOYLE: Which means they must be off to the power as well. Perhaps we should let them find it for us. (The tracker nods.) Follow them. (Flash to...) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Billie touches her neck scar. She looks uneasy. She flips through the Book of Shadows. Leo enters.) BILLIE: Oh, hi. Hey. LEO: Hey. BILLIE: How's, uh, packing going? LEO: Ah, it's great. Great. Two-day trip, Piper thinks she needs a third suitcase. (Leo takes a suitcase in the back of the attic.) Making any progress? BILLIE: No. There's nothing in this book that says how to supercharge a demon. LEO: Well, it means none of their ancestors confronted anything like it before. It's just a book of their experiences. Have you started your own Book of Shadows? BILLIE: No. Why, should I? LEO: Yeah, I think every witch should have one. They can pass it off from generation to generation. BILLIE: Oh. LEO: You're okay? BILLIE: Yeah. You know, I'm just a little worried. I mean, all about all these... demons. LEO: Well, get used to it. BILLIE: (calls Leo on his way out) Hey! Are witches and demons different species? LEO: What?! BILLIE: You know, like dogs and cats, how they can't get each other sick and stuff. LEO: (thinks) Uh... I guess so. Why? BILLIE: OK. Good. No reason. Have a good trip. LEO: Thanks. If we ever get there. (Billie watches Leo leave. She flips through the Book of Shadows absentmindedly, then touches her scar again, looking queasy.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HENRY'S OFFICE - DAY] HENRY: (on the phone) Well, if we check implement records, we're at least gonna know where he worked last. I mean, he has to feed himself, right? He needs some food. Bring me that file then. (Paige enters.) HENRY: (on the phone) Oh, yeah. PAIGE: Hey. HENRY: (still on the phone) Yeah, you have it, I don't have it. Just bring it here. (Henry hangs up. To Paige) Is everything okay? Where's the baby? PAIGE: Ramón is fine, he's with my sister, but you know, you gotta find another place for him to stay. HENRY: Why, what's wrong with your place? PAIGE: It's just not a good place for him to be right now. HENRY: Why not? PAIGE: It just isn't! HENRY: More secrets, huh? PAIGE: Henry. We barely know each other. HENRY: You don't want to tell me this, fine. It's okay. PAIGE: It's not that... yeah, actually, it is that. Anyway, can you please find somewhere else for him to go? HENRY: Paige, I can't. PAIGE: Why not? HENRY: Seriously, Paige, if I don't find the father before Social Services finds out, they're gonna stick Ramón in a foster home. They will do that. PAIGE: (sits down) Well, you know, I mean, sometimes, foster homes aren't all that bad. HENRY: (fiddles with papers) It was for me. PAIGE: You were in a foster home? HENRY: Look... I just need a little more time, okay? I know I can find the father, he used to be a parolee of mine. PAIGE: Was the mom too? HENRY: Yeah. But the dad, he turned out great, I mean, he straightened out his act, and... ugh, he probably doesn't even know he has a kid. PAIGE: Are you sure it's his? HENRY: Yeah. Yeah, I mean, she told me. Ramón's the one thing she wouldn't lie about. But I've been showing his pictures all around where he used to hang, and... just nobody knows anything. (Cop enters.) COP: Hey! Got those implement records you wanted. (Paige discreetly snitches a photo of the dad and puts it in her back pocket.) HENRY: Ah... did happen, huh? This is what I want. PAIGE: Okay, uh, well, I'm gonna go. The sooner we can find him, the better. HENRY: Paige. PAIGE: Yeah? HENRY: Thanks. PAIGE: You're welcome. (The cop ogles at Paige as she's leaving.) HENRY: What you're looking at? [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Piper and Leo are packing. A lot of clothes are spread out on the bed. They're taking an awful lot of stuff for a two-day trip. Leo tries to close a overly full suitcase.) LEO: You sure you need all this stuff? PIPER: Yes. PHOEBE: (enters, holding a crying Ramón) Just so you know, I know what you're trying to do, and it's not gonna work. PIPER: Okay, just so you know, I know what you're trying to do, and I will be relentless. PHOEBE: I just want to stop him from fussing, that's all. PIPER: Phoebe, come on! You're a natural with babies. PHOEBE: (looks at Ramón) Not right now I'm not! PIPER: For crying out loud, he's probably just hungry. Just take him down to the kitchen, heat up a bottle. PHOEBE: That's a good plan! (Hands Piper the baby) Here you go. (Leaves speedily) PIPER: No, no, no, no, no, no! Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no! Wait, wait, wait! Phoebe, no, don't--! Damn it! LEO: (mocking) Language! PIPER: Now sure, now he stopped fussing. LEO: Talk about a natural. PIPER: Yes, and I have the stretch marks to prove it, thank you. What am I gonna do with Phoebe? LEO: Worry about her when you get home. What's the big deal? She takes a little break from dating. PIPER: The big deal is it's not who she is! The woman is a love machine, and if she gives up on men, something is very very wrong. And I know it's just that she's lost faith in her premonitions. LEO: So... making her watch a baby is gonna make it better? PIPER: Look, I'm working with what I've got. (Looks at Ramón) Hi! Maybe we should just stay. LEO: Oh, for God's sakes. (We hear broken glass and Phoebe screaming. Piper and Leo startle.) PIPER: (gives Leo the baby) Here. Take this. Take this, take this, take this! Stay here. [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (As Piper walks down the stairs, Phoebe flies through the living room and lands hard on a small table, breaking it into pieces. Piper runs to her and helps her get up. She sees a scary-looking grunting creature walk towards the living room.) (Piper's about to blast the creature.) PHOEBE: No, Piper! It's Billie. (Deformed Billie growls menacingly at Piper and Phoebe.) No! Don't! You might blow her up. (Deformed Billie hurls a table across the room with tremendous strength, breaking it, then jumps towards Piper and Phoebe.) OK! Blow her up. (Piper's blow pushes Billie against the wall, knocking her unconscious.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART THREE ------------- [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Phoebe and Piper both look at unconscious Deformed Billie.) PHOEBE: I don't know what happened. I mean, one second, she was helping me warm up the milk, and the next, she was throwing me around the room like a rag doll. PAIGE: (enters) What happened? Another demon attck? PHOEBE: Not another demon, it's... Billie. PAIGE: That's Billie? What happened to her? PIPER: We don't know. PAIGE: Where's Ramón? PIPER: He's safe, he's with Leo. Uh... right now, we need to figure out how to help her. PHOEBE: Before she goes poof, too. PAIGE: Uh... maybe we should call the Elders. PIPER: Maybe you're right. I'll go do that. Um... Paige? PAIGE: Yeah. I'm gonna get the baby out of here. I've got a photo of his dad, so it should take about two secs to scry for him. (Paige walks to the attic.) PIPER: Phoebe, why don't you stay with, uh... Billie here? PHOEBE: Okay. Hurry! (Phoebe crouches and looks at Billie, worried. Billie moans weakly.) [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY] (An elder orbs in.) ELDER: We know why you called. PIPER: Are you spying on us again? ELDER: No. But we know what happened to Billie. What happened to her is happening all over the magical community. We don't know what's causing it yet. It seems to be some sort of a... virus, and it's spreading fast. PIPER: I don't understand. How is that... ELDER: Possible? I'm afraid whatever this virus is, Piper, wherever it came from, it doesn't discriminate against good or evil. It can infect all magical creatures. Even you and your sisters. PIPER: So what do we do? ELDER: We have to find a cure. An antidote. But before we do that, we have to find the source first. PIPER: How much time does Billie have? ELDER: Not long. Although we have learned that the more powerful you are, the quicker the virus consumes you. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HENRY'S OFFICE - DAY] PAIGE: (comes in, holding Ramón) Hi, hey. HENRY: Paige, what are you doing? You can't bring him here! PAIGE: Oh, it's okay, I found his dad. HENRY: What?! PAIGE: Yeah. Ernesto. (Hands him a slip of paper) There. That's got his work number, his home number, uh... place where he likes to go have a drink. Might wanna talk to him about that new dad and all. Being a new father... HENRY: Wai-- wait, wait. I don't understand. How did you find him? I've been looking for him everywhere. PAIGE: (shrugs) I have my ways. HENRY: Oh, really. Would you care to elaborate? PAIGE: No. Not really. Look, you wanted the baby to have a chance, and now he has one. HENRY: (gratefully) I don't know what to say. PAIGE: You don't have to say anything. My pleasure. Okay, I gotta go. HENRY: Is everything all right? PAIGE: No, not really. A friend of mine is in quite a bit of trouble. HENRY: Maybe I can help. PAIGE: It's very sweet of you, but no. Take care of the baby, okay? [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Phoebe holds a pillow for Billie, but as she crouches to adjust it, Billie wiggles.) PHOEBE: (calls) Piper! Something's happening to Billie! (Piper rushes in. Billie reverts to her previous self.) PIPER: Oh no. PHOEBE: Oh no? What does oh no mean? What did the Elder say? PIPER: They think it's some kind of virus and that she must have contracted it from the scratch. PHOEBE: So the demon gave this to her? PIPER: If we don't find an antidote soon... she'll die. PHOEBE: No, I mean, we can't let her die. There's gotta be something we can do. We can't just do nothing, Piper. PIPER: Well, we gotta figure out where it all started and who it all started from. Paige, where are you? (Paige orbs in.) PAIGE: What? What happened? PIPER: We gotta get to Agent Murphy's, I'll explain later. Quick, quick, quick... (Piper and Paige orb out.) [INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - AGENT MURPHY'S OFFICE - DAY] (Agent Murphy is going through some paperwork. Piper and Paige orb in. Agent Murphy startles.) AGENT MURPHY: Y-you can't just... (Piper blows up his phone.) What the... PAIGE: (waves her hand, locking up the door) Lock! PIPER: You're not telling us everything, Agent Murphy, and we're running out of time. PAIGE: You need to tell us everything you know about that demon, now! AGENT MURPHY: But I've told you everything I know. PIPER: See, I don't like that answer. (Piper blows up Agent Murphy's desk lamp.) AGENT MURPHY: Are you out of your mind?! This is a Federal office! PIPER: Listen to me. Whatever you guys did to that demon created a virus, a virus that can infect every magical creature there is. If we don't find a cure, and soon, Billie will die. Do you remember Billie? Cute, blonde, perky? Yes, she's gonna die. So we would like some answers, and now. Paige? PAIGE: (waves her hand) Chair! (Paige orbs the chair Murphy's sitting in; he falls hard on the floor.) PIPER: You're gonna tell us how this whole thing started. (Agent Murphy stands up) Or the next thing I'm gonna blow up will be you. (A worried Agent Murphy adjusts his tie.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FOUR ------------ [INT. HOMELAND SECURITY - AGENT MURPHY'S OFFICE - DAY] AGENT MURPHY: (opens a file cabinet and takes a folder out of it) I did some digging after you left. (Gives Piper the folder.) Look, all right, if I would've known, I would've told you, but it wasn't cleared for all the details. (Piper sits down. Piper and Paige start going through the folder's contents.) PAIGE: They found a demon in the desert? AGENT MURPHY: Yeah, but it was a fluke. He was injured, that's the only way the task force was able to capture it. Government just wanted to... wanted to study it, you know. Learn from it. PIPER: I keep seeing the word "injected". What did they inject him with? AGENT MURPHY: Human blood. They were just trying to find a way to combine it with the demon's blood to extract his powers. PAIGE: Powers? Why? AGENT MURPHY: To inject this serum back into people. (Paige lifts eyebrows.) Soldiers. PIPER: To make them more powerful? AGENT MURPHY: But it didn't work. When the test subject didn't react, project was shut down. Apparently, when they were decided what to do with the demon, that's when he escaped from the containment unit. PAIGE: So now he's out there spreading the virus that you guys created? PIPER: You said the test subject didn't show any side effects? AGENT MURPHY: No, none. PAIGE: Where are you going with this? PIPER: I'm thinking the test subject's blood probably holds the antidote we're looking for, if he was immune to its effects. (Piper stands up.) Where can we find him? AGENT MURPHY: I don't know. I mean, he was only referred to here as Patient X. Like I said, when the experiment was shut down, all his records were destroyed. PAIGE: There has to be something that we can use to find him. AGENT MURPHY: (takes folder) Well, the only thing I can think of is this I.D. tag we got here. (Agent Murphy hands Piper a plastic slip, she examines it.) But I already scanned the barcode and all the information has already been erased. He could be anywhere. (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (Billie is lying on the couch, her eyes closed, covered with a blanket, looking sick. Phoebe, sitting by her, holds her a glass of water.) BILLIE: (drinks) Thanks. I must be pretty bad off if you're waiting on me hand and foot. PHOEBE: Well, don't get used to it, 'cause you're going to be just fine. BILLIE: Am I? I'm dying, aren't I? PHOEBE: No, you are not dying. Listen, do you have any idea how many times I have almost died in the last seven years? BILLIE: Yeah, but this is different. I'm sorry, I should've listened to you. PHOEBE: Stop it. It's okay. We're gonna save you, and we're gonna save magic, while we're at it. BILLIE: How can you save magic if you don't even believe in your own anymore? Heard you talking to Piper. PHOEBE: I'll be right back. I'm gonna get you some more ice. (Phoebe walks to the kitchen.) [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Phoebe, holding a plastic bowl, tries to use the ice maker, but it doesn't make any ice. She opens the refrigerator's door, then suddenly slams it shut and throws the plastic bowl. She seems completely lost. She sits down and holds her head in her hands.) (Paige and Piper orb in. Phoebe sniffles.) PAIGE: How's Billie? PHOEBE: Not good. What'd you guys find out? PIPER: It was a government secret experiment. They mixed things they shouldn't have. PAIGE: Basically, their demon was the outbreak monkey that caused all of this. PHOEBE: Okay, so if they made it, then they must have a cure, right? PIPER: Well, they don't even know how they created it. PHOEBE: Yeah, you don't know that for sure. I mean, for all we know, this could've been their intention. PIPER: Phoebe, it's not a conspiracy. They just screwed up. We had a sht at an antidote, and they screwed that up too. PHOEBE: What sht? PAIGE: They injected somebody with Krychek's blood and it had no effect. PHOEBE: Okay, then maybe the cure is in the blood, right? PIPER: (sits next to Phoebe and shows her the ID tag) Okay, look, this is all we've got, and what we don't have is enough time. We've gotta find this patient X, convince him to give us some of his blood so that we can make an antidote, fix us and then fix Billie. Even if we pool all of our powers together, we may not have enough time. PHOEBE: Then let's get stronger. Let's get Billie to infect us. PAIGE: What? Are you nuts? Phoebe, we could die. PHOEBE: Not if we find the antidote first. PIPER: Still, there's no guarantee it's gonna work. It's very risky. PHOEBE: (scoffs) Yeah... Tell that to Billie. Look, I don't see the point of having powers if we can't use them to save someone that we care about. (After Paige, Piper and Phoebe leave the kitchen, the ironing board morphs into the Tracker demon. The Tracker smirks, then shimmers out.) [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - CONTINUOUS] (Billie, still on the couch, seems lifeless. Phoebe, worried, runs to her and shakes her gently.) PHOEBE: Billie? Billie, wake up. Billie, wake up. (Billie opens her eyes. Phoebe sighs, relieved.) I think we figured out a way to save you. But we're gonna need your help. (Phoebe takes Billie's athame.) BILLIE: (weak voice) Wait. No, no, no. PHOEBE: It's okay. Trust us. (Slices her hand) PAIGE: (to Piper) Shall we tell Leo? PIPER: No. I know what he's gonna say. (Phoebe gives Piper the athame and touches Billie's wound. Piper takes Paige's hand.) Come on. (Paige groans in protest.) Oh, come on, it won't hurt... much. (Slices Paige's hand.) PAIGE: Eech. (Piper slices her hand. Paige, Piper and Phoebe press their hands together. Billie starts shuddering, Piper freezes her.) PAIGE: How long is that gonna last? PIPER: Hopefully, long enough. [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT] LEO: I haven't found an antidote yet. PIPER: That's okay. I think we have. (Piper cracks her neck. The Charmed Ones morph into scary-looking creatures.) LEO: (aghast) Holy crap... DEFORMED PIPER: (shrieks) Language! (Deformed Piper slaps Leo so hard he flies across the attic and lands crashing into a bunch of boxes.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FIVE ----------- [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT] DEFORMED PHOEBE: (grabs Piper by the shoulders) Leave Leo alone! DEFORMED PIPER: (struggles) He's my husband! (Paige pushes Piper.) What did you do that for? DEFORMED PAIGE: (pushes Piper again) I just felt like it! LEO: (stands up) Stop it! You guys are gonna kll each other! How did this happen? DEFORMED PHOEBE: We made it happen! DEFORMED PIPER: All right, we have work to do. (Phoebe wipes off all the books on a table and unfolds a map. Paige holds her pendulum, Piper gives her the ID tag. The pendulum starts swinging at incredible speed. Leo looks worried. Cut to...) [INT. BUILDING HALL - NIGHT] (A janitor is cleaning the floor with a wet mop. Piper, Phoebe and Paige orb in. The janitor looks up and freezes in horror.) JANITOR: My god. (Four demons, one deformed, shimmer behind him. One of them invokes a fireball.) DEFORMED PIPER: Duck! JANITOR. Duck? DEFORMED PHOEBE: Get down! (The demon throws a fireball at the janitor. Paige holds her hand up and deflects the fireball.) DEFORMED PAIGE: Fireball! (The fireball hurls back towards a demon, vanquishing him. Piper runs towards the deformed demon and keeps blasting him. They fight. Phoebe kicks a demon; the force of the blow vanquishes him. Paige flips another demon on the ground, vanquishing him as well. Piper slams the deformed demon against the wall, and rips his heart off. The demon screams and explodes. Margoyle shimmers behind the janitor, gashing his arm. He smiles smugly, displaying his bloody fingertip, and shimmers out.) JANITOR: (terrified, to The Charmed Ones) What do you want from me? DEFORMED PAIGE: We want you to save magic. DEFORMED PIPER: And us. DEFORMED PHOEBE: (nods and grunts) Yeah. (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (Billie wakes up, looking fresh again. She looks around, and sits up.) PHOEBE: (comes in with a cup of coffee, hands it to Billie) Whoa! Easy! Easy. Slow. BILLIE: Umm... what happened? PHOEBE: Cliff Notes version: we hulked out, kicked ass, and saved the world. You know, just another day at the office. BILLIE: Yeah, I can see that. PHOEBE: Uh... We got the antidote to the Elders, and everyone is being cured right now as we speak. BILLIE: What about the demons? PHOEBE: They got to the antidote too. BILLIE: You guys risked yourselves to save me. PHOEBE: Well, we gotta keep you around so you can find your sister, right? BILLIE: I don't know what to say. PHOEBE: You don't have to say anything. We think of you as part of the family now. Not gonna let anything happen to you. (Paige and Piper orb in.) PIPER: Hey, sunshine! It's good to see some color in your cheeks. PAIGE: Yeah, grey and pasty - not your color scheme. PHOEBE: How'd it go with Murphy? PIPER: Well, he decided we were a little too difficult to work with, so I don't think we'll be hearing from him again anytime soon. PHOEBE: (mock indignation) How rude! PIPER: Meh. PAIGE: Well, if you guys will excuse me, I'm gonna go check on little Ramón. PIPER: Don't you mean Henry? PAIGE: No. I mean Ramón. PHOEBE: Kiss him for me. PAIGE: Henry? PHOEBE: No! Ramón. PAIGE: Oh. Okay. (Paige leaves. Piper smiles.) PIPER: He got to you, didn't he? The baby. PHOEBE: Don't you have some kind of ski trip to get ready for? PIPER: Yeah. PHOEBE: Yeah. (Phoebe laughs with Billie.) (Fade to...) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HENRY'S OFFICE - NIGHT] ERNESTO: Why didn't Tina tell me we had a kid? HENRY: (holding Ramón) Look, Tina's a little messed up right now, okay? That's why she's back in prison, she didn't make it. But you did! Now your son Ramón needs you. ERNESTO: I don't know if I can do this, man. HENRY: I know you can, Ernesto. ERNESTO: Don't you think he'll be better off with somebody else, you know? HENRY: He doesn't have anybody else. It's you or the state, buddy. Ernesto, look at me. Too many sons, they grew up without their dads. That's how you got where you were a while back, right? Now you got a chance to break that cycle. Do right by him, and by you. ERNESTO: (nods) How do I hold him? HENRY: (gives him Ramón) I don't know, man. You just do. Cradle his head, there. You got him? ERNESTO: Yeah. (Looks at Ramón) Kinda looks like me, don't he? HENRY: Yeah, he does. And I got you some diapers and stuff, just to get you started, you know. You gotta heat up the milk, too, though, right? But I mean, not too hot. Call the lady at Social Services if you have any questions. (Gives Ernesto a bag.) You got it? Here you go. And I'll come by later, I'll check upon ya. ERNESTO: Okay. Thanks, Henry. HENRY: Don't thank me, you can thank the lady who found you. ERNESTO: What lady? HENRY: Paige Matthews. (Paige enters at this very moment, Henry doesn't see her.) Beautiful lady, great smile, a little wacky? (Paige stays at the doorway, folding her arms.) She didn't find you? ERNESTO: No. HENRY: All right, man. Get out of here... dad. Take care of your son. (Ernesto leaves. Henry turns around and sees Paige.) PAIGE: (walks in) So, uh... what happened to the big lug who didn't know a thing about babies? HENRY: Well, I guess I'm a quick study. PAIGE: You're sure it wasn't just an excuse to talk to me again? HENRY: I guess you're gonna have your secrets, so I'll have mine. PAIGE: (nods) Fair enough. So I've got a great smile? HENRY: Yeah, you do. (They both smile at each other.) [INT. MANOR - 2ND FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT] (Phoebe walks down the hallway. She stops as she sees Ramón's blanket laying on a crib. She walks to it and touches it.) (White flash to...) [EXT. FRONT OF SCHOOL - DAY - PHOEBE'S VISION] (Phoebe turns around.) PHOEBE'S LITTLE GIRL: Mommy, mommy! (She sees her future self, crouching, holding her little girl's hands.) FUTURE PHOEBE: Ooh, hi! Did you have a good day at school? PHOEBE'S LITTLE GIRL: Yeah. FUTURE PHOEBE: Do you have homework? (Future Phoebe laughs, then kisses her little girl's hand. She turns around, sees Phoebe and walks over to her.) I knew you'd come here sooner or later. PHOEBE: Really? How's that? FUTURE PHOEBE: Well, because six years ago, I was you standing there talking to me. PHOEBE: Wait, so if you are me, then who are you talking to? FUTURE PHOEBE: Don't try to figure it out. It'll hurt our head. PHOEBE: Our head? FUTURE PHOEBE: The important thing is is that you're here now. For a reason. And to find answers. PHOEBE: Okay, you know what, don't get all cryptic with me, please, not after the day I've had today. FUTURE PHOEBE: Oh, I remember the day you had. It's the day you lost faith in your premonitions because of all you've been through and all your disappointments. You were promised something, something that means the world to you, and you're afraid you might not get it. PHOEBE: Will I? FUTURE PHOEBE: I'm living proof of that. And so is she. (They both look at their little girl.) (White flash to...) [INT. MANOR - 2ND FLOOR HALLWAY - NIGHT] (End of Phoebe's vision.) (Phoebe smiles.) LEO: (off-screen) Piper, please! PIPER: Oh, come on! What's one more pair of shoes? (Sees Phoebe and walks over to her.) Are you all right? PHOEBE: (still smiling) Yeah. Never better. FADE TO BLACK	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x09 - Hulkus Pocus"}	foreverdreaming
Charmed "Vaya Con Leos" Season 8, Episode 10 =========================== PROLOGUE ------------ [EXT. CAR LOT - DAY] (Leo is roaring the engine of a vintage green 1941 Ford truck, driver door opened. Piper stands next to him.) LEO: (enthusiastic) Ha ha! Listen to that baby, huh? PIPER: (not thrilled) Do what? LEO: Isn't she something? PIPER: She's somethin' all right! LEO: (gets out of the car) Oh, man. Straight six, four-speed trnny. Just like the one my grandpa gave me sixty years ago. PIPER: Uh, okay, sweetie, you're barely thirty. LEO: You know what I mean, the first time I was alive. PIPER: All right, keep it down, now, will ya? LEO: Oh. Right. Sorry. PIPER: Ooh. SALESMAN: (walks to them) So, what do you think? LEO: I think she's beautiful. (To Piper) What do you think? PIPER: I think nine thousand dollars is a lot of money! SALESMAN: Ninety-five hundred, actually, but that includes the original tailgate, which I've got out back. PIPER: (sarcastic) Well that makes it completely different! SALESMAN: Seriously, it's not easy finding a forty-one in working condition, and with matching serial numbers to boot. PIPER: (not convinced) Hmm. SALESMAN: I know it doesn't look like much now... PIPER: No, it doesn't. LEO: But it will when I'm done with it. You know, I just sand off some of the rust, adjust the carburetor, rebuild the engine... Come on, let's have the fun! You know, when I'm done with this puppy, it's gonna be worth, what? Twenty-five, thirty grand? SALESMAN: At least! (The salesman leaves Piper and Leo to let them discuss it privately.) LEO: Think, maybe someday I can pass it on to the boys. PIPER: (worried) How long you plan on keeping this thing? LEO: You know what I mean. Come on, this is a second chance for me, a chance to start over. PIPER: (smiling) All right. LEO: (overjoyed) Yes. Mmm... (Kisses Piper) I love you. PIPER: I bet you do! Okay, but seriously, the boys aren't running in it without car seats and helmets and like, elbow pads. LEO: Promise. PIPER: Okay. SALESMAN: (shaking Leo's hand) Let's go write it up! (Leo follows the salesman, leaving Piper alone contemplating their new purchase.) (Suddenly, Piper sees the Angel of Death standing in the middle of the street, staring at her silently. A car passes and drives straight through the Angel of Death's ethereal body. sht of Piper looking worried. Cut to the...) [OPENING CREDITS] PART ONE ----------- [INT. MANOR - PAIGE'S BEDROOM - DAY] PAIGE: What? You saw the Angel of Death, and you're only telling me this now? PIPER: Well, I didn't wanna worry you. PAIGE: Well, where did you see him? When? PIPER: This morning, downtown with Leo. But I don't think it means anything, really. PAIGE: Piper, the only person that sees him is the person he's coming after. PIPER: No, that's not necessarily true. We all saw him last time, and nothing happened. PAIGE: Well, that's just because we were protecting the guy who was next on his list, who incidentally he got! PIPER: You're right, but if he really wanted me, he could've taken me right then and there, right? PAIGE: Okay, you have a point. PIPER: So, maybe... I just thought I saw him. Maybe I'm doing what I usually do around this point in my life. PAIGE: (sits on her bed) Okay, you lost me. PIPER: We're demon-light, the boys are happy and healthy, Leo and I are doing fine, so maybe I'm doing what I always do when everything is going well in my life. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. PAIGE: Yeah, that would be like the Manolo Blahnik of shoe drops, okay? (Paige picks up the phone.) I'm cancelling my lunch date. PIPER: No no no, you're not! PAIGE: (still holding the phone) Yes, I am! PIPER: No, you can't use my neurosis to justify your own! You're just looking for an excuse to get out of the date! PAIGE: I am not, and that's besides the point. PIPER: No, that's exactly the point. Now, Henry asked you out and you said yes, so you're going! PAIGE: (stands up) I don't want to! I don't even like him that way! PIPER: Which is clearly why you said yes. So you're gonna go, and if I see Death, I'll call ya. PAIGE: Fine. But if he gets you, I'm never talking to you again. [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - DAY] (Billie, in her demonic outfit, black top & evil jeans, is pacing around. Behind her, to the left, Phoebe is sitting, hidden behind a table.) PHOEBE: (off-screen) This is taking a really long time. BILLIE: He'll show. PHOEBE: (off-screen) Maybe you were a little too cryptic with your clues. BILLIE: Well, I couldn't exactly tell the entire underworld that I'm a witch, okay? If this doesn't flush him out, nothing will. (Phoebe's cell rings loudly.) BILLIE: You're waiting a call? Here? PHOEBE: Yeah, great reception, huh? (answers) Hey Piper, can I call you back? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] PIPER: Yeah, sure, no problem. I was just, you know, calling to see how you're doing, if you're okay, that's all. PHOEBE: Why wouldn't I be? PIPER: No reason, just checking. PHOEBE: Piper, what's going on? BILLIE: Hello? Demon! (Phoebe gestures Billie to shut up.) PIPER: Wait, wha-- Demon? What demon? PHOEBE: Oh, we're trying to lure out the demon that took Billie's sister and see if we can find out what happened to her. PIPER: No! No, no no no, you can't do that right now. PHOEBE: Why, Piper? What's happening? BILLIE: Phoebe! PHOEBE: (to Billie) Will-- you-- please-- PIPER: Well, see, the thing is, I may have seen... the Angel of Death today. PHOEBE: What? When? Oh my god, are you okay? PIPER: Yeah, I'm fine, I'm just, you know, I'm calling to-- Have you seen him? PHOEBE: Who? Death? No. PIPER: Okay, well that's good, that's good, but still, you know, maybe you shouldn't... (Reinhardt flames in a few feet in front of Billie.) BILLIE: (whispering) He's here! PHOEBE: (to Piper) Gotta go! Gotta go! (Piper sighs.) REINHARDT: (walks towards Billie) You the one that's been asking about me? BILLIE: (casually, walks towards Reinhardt) Maybe. Are you the one that took that little girl fifteen years ago? Name's Christy, I think. REINHARDT: Nobody's supposed to know about that. BILLIE: Well, the demon that hired you does. REINHARDT: Yes. But how do you know, and why do you care? BILLIE: Let's just say it's personal. REINHARDT: Really? (Suddenly, Burke shudders into the room with a crossbow pointed at Billie's head.) PHOEBE: Billie! (With amazing speed, Reinhardt suddenly grabs Billie's throat with a metal claw attached to his left hand.) BILLIE: Uh! (As Reinhardt struggles with Billie, he places himself in the path of Burke's arrow. The arrow destined to Billie whizzes and plunges into Reinhardt's neck. He screams and collapses.) (Burke fires an arrow at Phoebe; she gasps and ducks just in time, and the arrow plows into the table instead.) (Burke speed-shudders to Billie.) BURKE: Nice try, witch! (Burke leans and touches Reinhardt's knee, then shudders out with him.) PHOEBE: (runs to Billie) Billie, are you okay? BILLIE: No, I'm not okay! I just lost the only clue to finding her! (They both sigh.) [EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ - DAY] (Paige and Henry are in the middle of their lunch date.) PAIGE: So, do you have any brothers or sisters? HENRY: No. Well, not that I know of. My parents were foster parents. PAIGE: That's right. Do you ever wonder... HENRY: Wonder who my parents are? PAIGE: (nods) Yeah. HENRY: No. I mean, what happened happened, right? Nothing I can do about it. I don't look back. I tell my parolees that too, don't look back, there's nothing you can do about it. PAIGE: (smiles) It's actually very good advice. HENRY: You have a great smile. PAIGE: Thank you. So do you. HENRY: (smiles) Thank you. WAITRESS: Can I take this? HENRY: Oh, sorry. We didn't even look yet. WAITRESS: Okay. Take your time. HENRY: Thanks. PAIGE: You know, actually, I should probably be going. HENRY: Me too. I had a great time, though. PAIGE: I did also. HENRY: (looks the check over) Your half is 14.50. (Paige looks at him and freezes.) I'll get some change. (Henry stands up and walks away. Paige's cell phone rings.) PAIGE: (answering) Hello? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] PIPER: Hey. Are you all right? PAIGE: No, I'm not. PIPER: What do you mean? Did you see Death? PAIGE: (sulking) Nah. Just saw a cad. Nothing fatal, though. PIPER: I have no idea what you're talking about. PAIGE: Don't worry about it. Did you see him again? PIPER: Well, no, but Phoebe is out fighting demons. PAIGE: So, what's new? PIPER: What's new is she shouldn't be doing that with, you know, the Angel of Death lurking about. PAIGE: Fair enough. Okay. I'm on my way home. PIPER: Okay, but are you driving? Be careful driving! PAIGE: (rolls eyes) Yeah, okay. Bye. HENRY: (sits back with a few bills) Okay, fifteen... PAIGE: (icy, stands up) Yeah. Guess what. I got twenty. (Paige slams the money on the table.) Keep the change. (Paige leaves, leaving Henry dumbfounded.) [INT. MANOR - GARAGE - DAY] (Piper walks in, worried, searching for Leo.) PIPER: Leo? Leo? LEO: (on a dolly, working on his truck) Right here. PIPER: (drags him from under the truck) What are you doing under there? Get out, get out, get out! LEO: Whoa! What's the matter? PIPER: What do you mean, what's the matter? What if it fell? You could be crushed, you could be klled! LEO: Don't be silly, it's up on jacks! PIPER: So? You never know! LEO: You worry too much, you know that? PIPER: Well, what else is new? LEO: Come on, I know what I'm doing, nothing's gonna happen to me. (Piper sighs.) What's the matter? Talk to me. PIPER: Nothing, it's-- it's silly. LEO: Not if it's bothering you, it's not. Come on, I've learned by now that if you're worrying about something, then there's usually a good reason for it. PIPER: Great. LEO: You know, you don't do well by worrying. You do well by doing, that's your process. Worry first, kick ass later. You know, you don't do good on your heels. You like to take control. PIPER: I do, don't I? LEO: It's when you're at your best. PIPER: Right. (She turns away, then suddenly turns back, grabs and passionately kisses Leo.) I love you. (Piper exits hastily, leaving Leo confused.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] PIPER: All right, mister. I know you're lurking somewhere, and if you want something, you need to get your grim reaping ass down here or stop bugging me. (In the middle of Piper's speech, the Angel of Death appears behind her.) ANGEL OF DEATH: (folding arms) There's no need to be rude. (Piper turns around.) I was only trying to do you a favor. PIPER: Favor? Well, I don't want any favors from you. ANGEL OF DEATH: Oh, you'll want this one. You know, my job was so much easier before I met you and your sisters, it was so much less complicated. PIPER: For what's it's worth, I don't think taking people's life should be all that easy to do. ANGEL OF DEATH: It never is. Still, it's inevitable. PIPER: You're not taking me. ANGEL OF DEATH: You're right, I'm not. (Piper frowns. The Angel of Death walks towards Piper.) I'm taking Leo. PIPER: What? ANGEL OF DEATH: It's curious, I actually feel bad about it. No doubt a reflection about my knowing you. I don't normally get to know people long in my line of work, obviously. PIPER: You can't have him. ANGEL OF DEATH: You don't have a choice. That's why I came earlier. I wanted to warn you, to give you time to prepare. To say goodbye. PIPER: (shaking her head) No! ANGEL OF DEATH. I'm afraid you don't have much time. PIPER: (closes her eyes) Why? ANGEL OF DEATH. I'm not about why, or how, Piper. I'm simply when. You know that. PIPER: It's not right, and it's not fair, not after everything we've gone through and everything we've been promised. ANGEL OF DEATH: There's a reason for everything, even this. You know that too, Piper. I am sorry. (The Angel of Death disappears.) (Piper swallows hard. She picks up a notepad and writes something down.) PIPER: (chanting) Hide him from sight So I might fight Ignore which leaves bereft My husband from the Angel of Death (A loud crashing noise is heard from below. Piper rushes to...) [INT. MANOR - GARAGE - DAY] (... the garage.) PIPER: Leo? (shouts) Leo! LEO: (appears from behind the truck) What? What's the matter? PIPER: (sighs of relief) Oh, thank God. (Piper hugs Leo.) LEO: What happened? (The phone rings, Leo picks it up.) Hello? Okay, okay-- hold on a second. It's Paige. (Leo passes the phone to Piper.) PIPER: What? [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - STREET - DAY] PAIGE: (frenzied) What!? What do you mean, what? Do you have any idea what is going on down here, do you? [INT. MANOR - GARAGE - DAY] PIPER: Wait, slow down. What's the matter? [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - STREET - DAY] PAIGE: You're never gonna believe it. (A Leo lookalike walks in front of Paige.) (Another Leo lookalike, a businessman busy dialing a number on his cell phone, bumps into Paige.) BUSINESSMAN: Oh. Sorry. Excuse me. (sht of the street. All men look like Leo. A car passes by, driven by a Leo lookalike.) (sht of Paige looking stunned.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART TWO ------------ [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] (Phoebe is sitting on the couch, Paige on a chair. Piper walks relentlessly back and forth.) PHOEBE: Piper, I know the spell didn't work out like you wanted it to, but at least it bought us some time, right? PIPER: Yeah, but the Angel of Death is still after him. It's only a matter of time. PHOEBE: The time is on our side. I mean, now that the whole town looks like Leo, Death has gotta be confused. PAIGE: We can use the confusion to our advantage, until we can figure out how to really save Leo. PIPER: And how exactly are we gonna do that? I mean, we can't watch him, we can't protect him twenty-four hours a day, he wouldn't let us, and besides, he could fall in the shower, or trip down the stairs, it could be anything. PAIGE: We'll find a way. Where's Billie? PHOEBE: She's upstairs, trying to find the demon who took her demon. PIPER: Why don't you go keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't get herself klled. PHOEBE: Wait, are you sure? PIPER: Yeah. I mean, we don't need the Angel of Death looking for two people in this house. PHOEBE: Okay. I'll be upstairs if you need me. (Phoebe walks to the attic.) PAIGE. We're gonna figure out how to save him. LEO: (off-screen) Save who? (Paige and Piper stare at him) What? (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - BURKE'S LAIR] (Reinhardt, still a little dizzy, stands up. Burke looks down on him.) BURKE: Well, it's about time. (Burke inserts a magical crystal in a slot, entrapping Reinhardt within an invisible force field.) REINHARDT: You wi-- Ahh! (As Reinhardt walks towards Burke, he bumps in the invisible force field.) BURKE: Painful, isn't it? REINHARDT: (tries again) You-- Ahh! BURKE: (sneers) It was so simple. Any lower-level demon could understand. Do what you're hired to do, then disappear. But you didn't do that, did you? REINHARDT: Somebody was asking questions, nosing around. I had to cover my tracks. BURKE: No. Covering tracks is what I do, Reinhardt. You just had to shut up. (Reinhardt groans.) I'm curious. Do you have any idea who it was that was asking questions? REINHARDT: No. BURKE: A witch. One who also happens to be the sister of that girl you kidnapped lo those many years ago. REINHARDT: So? BURKE: So? She tricked you, tried to get you to talk. REINHARDT: Yeah, but I didn't say anything. BURKE: Only because I stopped you first. Because that's what I'm hired to do. (Burke ambles around Reinhardt. The camera pans and reveals several creatures frozen in transparent cryogenic containers lined up against the cavern's wall.) REINHARDT: (turns around) What are these? BURKE: Living trophies. Others who didn't do as they were told. You see, this goes beyond you, or me, or even that little girl you took. There's a far more powerful force at work here. (Burke slots a magical crystal and twists it. A cryogenic container materializes and instantly freezes Reinhardt.) BURKE: One that doesn't want to be found out. (Zoom on frozen Reinhardt.) (Flash to...) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (The Book of Shadows page is on "Burke". Billie is copying the vanquishing spell on a notepad.) (Phoebe enters, biting her nails, looking preoccupied.) BILLIE: Hey, hi. Okay, okay, so this is good news, I found him. Supposedly his name is Burke, he's some demonic bounty hunter, but the good news is, he gets to keep his prey, so if we found him, we would be able to... Phoebe, hello, are you listening to me? PHOEBE: Yeah. I'm... sorry. Just... Leo's in a lot of trouble right now. BILLIE: What? Why? PHOEBE: Well, it's a long story, but basically the Angel of Death is after him. BILLIE: Are you telling me the Angel of Death really exists? PHOEBE: Yes, unfortunately. Piper and Paige are downstairs trying to figure out a way to keep him from getting to Leo, and... Piper sent me up here to help you. BILLIE: (doesn't seem to care much about Leo) Oh, okay, well, good, hopefully, we can find Burke really fast. I have a spell right here... PHOEBE: Billie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, but I just don't think that I can do this right now. BILLIE: Look, I know. I haven't known Leo as long as you, Phoebe, but... I care about him a lot too. I mean, he's practically family to me. PHOEBE: Yeah, but he is my family. BILLIE: Like my sister is to me. PHOEBE: Yeah. I know. (sighs) Look, Billie, I'm really sorry, I'm just torn. You know, I wanna help you, I-- I really do, but I feel like I should be helping Leo right now. BILLIE: Well then, you stay here, and I'm gonna go, because I have to find out what happened to her. (Billie leaves.) PHOEBE: Billie... [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Piper is sitting. Leo is walking back and forth nervously.) LEO: Why didn't you tell me, huh? What, you-- you don't think I have a right to know? PIPER: No, you do, I just-- I didn't know how to tell you. LEO: (laughs frantically) I can't believe this is happening, you know! I can't believe that I'm-- I'm-- PIPER: You're not going to, okay? I won't let it happen. LEO: How, huh? By hexing every man so he looks like me? It's not gonna stop him! PIPER: No, okay, that wasn't the plan, it's not what I meant to do, all right, I'm scared too! LEO: Okay, look, honey, I'm sorry, okay... (hugs Piper) I just-- I-- I don't know what to feel, I don't know what to do. PIPER: Don't do anything, just let us figure it out. LEO: How, huh? I'm mortal. I've been given a death sentence by the one guy who means it. (Turns away) You know, there's just... so much that I still wanna do, and I-- I don't know where to start. PIPER: I know, but listen, okay, you just need to stay here, you just need to stay put, and... LEO: What about the boys? What about Chris and Wyatt, you know? I-- I gotta go see Wyatt... PIPER: No no no, it's not... it's not safe. LEO: How am I supposed to tell him, huh? (Piper sighs) How do I tell him that? PIPER: (closes eyes) Okay, listen... (gets teary) You just gotta trust me, okay, I mean... We're gonna fix this! We will! But until we do, you just have to stay here. I mean it. Do you understand? (Leo nods.) (Piper hugs Leo one more time, then leaves the room.) [INT. MANOR - STAIRS / MAIN HALL - DAY] (Piper walks down the stairs. The Angel of Death is waiting for her.) ANGEL OF DEATH: I trust you said your goodbyes. (Piper stops two stairs above the Angel of Death.) PIPER: (crosses arms) I'm not gonna let you do this. ANGEL OF DEATH: Piper, we've been through this already. Now, where's Leo? (The doorbell rings.) PAIGE: (off-screen) Ooh, I'll get it. (Paige opens the manor's door. It's 'Leo', pizza delivery guy.) PAIGE: Oh, hi. Uh, do you mind just-- putting it on the table? (The pizza delivery guy leers at Paige with a lascivious smile as he slides past her.) (sht of a satisfied Piper, standing cross-armed, and a befuddled Angel of Death.) (The doorbell rings again.) DRY CLEANING GUY 'LEO': (friendly) Here are the shirts. You're lucky we had 'em ready when you called. (The doorbell rings yet again.) PAIGE: Hi. Okay. Let me show you to the grandfather clock. REPAIRMAN 'LEO': Uh-huh. Thanks. ANGEL OF DEATH: What's the meaning of this? PIPER: What can I tell you? I run a very busy household. (The doorbell rings again.) PAIGE: And you are? HENRY 'LEO': I thought we should talk, after what happened at lunch. PAIGE: (mouth gapes) Henry? (The real Leo walks down the stairs and observes the situation.) PIPER: I told you, I'm not going to let you take my husband. ANGEL OF DEATH: You've obviously no idea who you're dealing with. REAL LEO: (walks down the stairs, to Piper) Uh, you seem to have a faulty receiver, ma'am. I'm gonna have to go get some tools. PIPER: Okay, well, uh, please hurry back, I don't want it to get any worse. REAL LEO: I know what I'm doing. ANGEL OF DEATH: Magic won't protect him for long, you know. I'll find him. I always do. (The Angel of Death disappears. Piper closes her eyes and sighs.) [INT. MANOR - FRONT PORCH - DAY - CONTINUOUS] PAIGE: Well, you know, Henry, I'm just a little... weirded out right now. HENRY 'LEO': Why? PAIGE: Well, Henry, umm... the thing is, there are just too many reasons to go into. HENRY 'LEO': More secrets, huh? You know, I just wanna know what went out at lunch. Everything was going fine, and then... PAIGE: Yeah, well, you know, I promised we will talk about that. However, right now, you're, um... obviously, a bit upset, and frankly, not yourself. HENRY 'LEO': Fine. [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - STREET - DAY] (Leo's in a taxi, parked across of Wyatt's preschool.) TAXI DRIVER 'LEO': You know, the meter's running, pal. LEO: (gives the taxi driver a $20 bill) Take a break. TAXI DRIVER 'LEO': Fine by me. (The taxi driver gets out of the car. Leo sighs nervously.) (The Angel of Death appears next to Leo.) LEO: (startled and scared) Who are you? ANGEL OF DEATH: If you can see me, then you know. It wasn't easy finding you. Though I must admit I did rather enjoy the challenge. LEO: Please-- ANGEL OF DEATH: Don't bother. Trust me, I've heard it all before. LEO: But I don't understand why. I mean, my first life ended prematurely. And I gave up being a Whitelighter and an Elder so I can live again, so I can love again. You're telling me that that can't happen now? ANGEL OF DEATH: All life ends, Leo. Sooner or later. LEO: (looking at the preschool) Can I at least see my son again? (Leo turns around, but the Angel of Death disappeared.) (Leo opens the door.) (Just as Leo opens the door, a truck screeches and bumps in full force into the side of the taxi.) (The force of the blow shoves Leo across the back seat, bleeding and unconscious.) (The taxi's horn blares uninterruptedly.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART THREE ------------- [INT. BAY GENERAL HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Paige and Piper walk speedily across the hospital's hallway.) PAIGE: Here's the thing. We should have hope that it's not all that bad, right, I mean... look around, these guys are back to normal, and the spell obviously wore off. (Piper and Paige reach the ER's waiting room.) PIPER: Hi, I'm looking for my husband. NURSE: (holds a phone) Ma'am, if you'll just wait... PIPER: No, his name is Leo Wyatt, they called and said he was in some kind of car crash, and I just need to know... NURSE: Just a moment, please. PIPER: (snatches the nurse's phone and hangs it up) No, actually, I need to know where my husband is right now! DOCTOR: Did you say his name was Leo? PIPER: Have you seen him? DOCTOR: I'm one of the doctors on this case. PIPER: Case? What do you mean, case? DOCTOR: Your husband was admitted about a half hour ago, but we've managed to sab him. PIPER: Okay, so that's good, right? DOCTOR: Yes, that's good, but we really won't know the extent of his injuries until we operate. We're prepping him for surgery now. PIPER: (worried) Surgery? DOCTOR: It's called an exploratory laparotomy. To find out whether or not his internal bleeding is from a splenic laceration or a tearing of one of his kidneys or aorta... PIPER: Okay, wait, slow down. In English. Is it life-thrat? DOCTOR: Yes, it is. (There is a tense pause as the doctor's words sink in.) PIPER: I can't believe this is happening. DOCTOR: We're doing everything we can. I promise you. PIPER: (holds her head in her hands) I can't do this, I can't handle this right now! DOCTOR: Please try to be positive... PIPER: Ugh! (Piper freezes the whole room except Paige.) PAIGE: What are you doing? PIPER: I can't do this, this can't be happening! PAIGE: Yeah, but you can't freeze this problem forever, Piper. I'm sorry, but you can't! (Piper sighs, takes a moment to collect herself, then unfreezes the room.) PIPER: Uh-- can I see my husband, please? [INT. BAY GENERAL HOSPITAL - ER WARD - DAY] (Leo lies in bed, still, bruised badly. He's alone; the ward is empty.) (Piper walks in.) (Leo slowly opens his eyes.) PIPER: (quietly) Hey. LEO: What happened? PIPER: You're in a hospital. You had an accident, but you're gonna be okay. LEO: You've always been a bad liar. PIPER: They're gonna take you in for surgery soon, but I'll be waiting for you when you come out. LEO: Tell the boys... PIPER: No, stop it. You can tell them everything once you get out of here. We're gonna bat this, Leo, just like we always do. LEO: Piper... PIPER: No, listen to me. You can't give up. You gotta fight this. I can't do this by myself. DOCTOR: (off-screen) Ma'am, we're ready for surgery. PIPER: Don't give up. I love you. LEO: You too... [INT. BAY GENERAL HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Leo's being taken away by orderlies. Piper watches him leave.) (Paige walks to Piper.) PAIGE: How's he doing? (Piper gives Paige a hollow look.) Look, uh, you know, I've been thinking... something is not right about this. PIPER: Paige... PAIGE: No, I'm serious. Look, Piper, things like this don't happen to us. I mean, what if this isn't just an accident, what if there's something demonic behind it? PIPER: What are you talking about? PAIGE: The Angel of Death told you Leo was supposed to die, which means we're already way past random chance when the truck ht him. PIPER: You're grasping at straws. PAIGE: Maybe, but according to that cop over there, they have the driver in custody, which means this could very well not be an accident after all. PIPER: How does that help Leo? PAIGE: If there's something magical going on here, maybe something magical can fix it. PIPER: (ponders) Okay, see what you can do. (Piper walks away.) PAIGE: Where are you going? PIPER: To cheat Death. (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - BURKE'S LAIR] (Billie walks around Burke's lair, examining the cryogenic containers. She walks to one of them and rubs the ice off, revealing a frozen Reinhardt. Billie gasps and flinches.) (Burke creeps behind her.) BURKE: Usually, I charge admission. BILLIE: (points at Reinhardt) That demon was mine! BURKE: Was being the operative word. (Burke moseys around Billie.) I'm afraid the one who hired me isn't ready for you to discover the truth. BILLIE: Yeah, and who might that be? BURKE: Ahh... wouldn't you like to know? Perhaps then you could get some answers about your sister. BILLIE: My sister. How did you know... (Burke speed-shudders behind Billie and smacks her. Billie is hurled across the lair by the force of the blow.) BILLIE: Ahh! BURKE: I always wanted a witch for a trophy. (Suddenly, an arrow whizzes and hits Burke in the neck. Burke groans and collapses.) (The arrow was sht by Phoebe. She's holding Burke's crossbow.) PHOEBE: Thought you could use a little backup. BILLIE: Thanks. What about Leo? PHOEBE: Piper'll call if she needs me. What's this guy's deal? BILLIE: (stands up) Well, someone hired him to take out Reinhardt. Same someone who knows about my sister. PHOEBE: What do you say we get some answers? (Billie nods.) (Flash to...) [INT. MANOR - 2ND FLOOR PARLOR - DAY] ANGEL OF DEATH: What do you want from me? I've already told you, there's nothing I can do. It's Leo's time. PIPER: I'll get Wyatt to heal him somehow. He's not dad yet. ANGEL OF DEATH: No, but he soon will be. PIPER: You said there was a reason behind this. ANGEL OF DEATH: There's a reason behind everything. That's why it's called the grand design. PIPER: But specifically this. You made a point of telling me that there was a reason, just like you made a point of warning me it was going to happen in the first place. ANGEL OF DEATH: Right. PIPER: I'm not asking you to save Leo, because I know you can't. I'm just asking you to tell me who can. I need to know why this is happening, especially if it was not an accident. I'll pull every connection I have, if you just point me in the right direction. ANGEL OF DEATH: You know, I could get in a great deal of trouble for this. I don't know what the greater reason is, but I do know there is one. Perhaps you should speak to those who know more about the grand design than I do. (The Angel of Death disappears.) PIPER: Thank you. [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Piper is standing, arms crossed.) (An Avatar flashes in front of Piper. At the same time, an Elder orbs behind her.) ELDER: An Avatar? What are you trying to do? PIPER: I'm trying to save my husband's life. (Turns to the Elder) Any way I can. [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FOUR ------------ [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] ELDER: The very fact that you dare put me in a room with an avatar... AVATAR: Shows the open-minded view she's capable of having. ELDER: Says the one whose single-minded beliefs nearly destroyed us all! (Piper whistles hard.) PIPER: Listen. I'm only interested in talking about Leo right now, and I have it on very good authority that one or both of you can tell me why this is happening. So... I'm listening. ELDER: I don't know what you're talking about. PIPER: You know exactly what I'm talking about. Look, I don't care how it happens, I don't care who does it, but one of you is going to save Leo because both of you owe him. (To the Elder) Are you telling me that you won't heal Leo? (To the Avatar) Or you, that you don't have the power to fix this? (The Elder and the Avatar remain silent.) Well, somebody say something! ELDER: It's not that we won't, Piper. We can't. AVATAR: Using our powers to save Leo... It's a path that neither Elder nor Avatar can travel. PIPER: Hang on a second. Are you telling me that the first time you two agree on anything is when you decide to let my husband die?! (The Elder and the Avatar remain silent once again.) I don't think so. ELDER: I'm sorry. PIPER: No, you listen to me! Leo at one point in his life believed in both of your causes. He devoted his life at the expense of family to those beliefs, and you're telling me that you won't save that life? Why the hell can't you tell me what's going on? What is your big secret? ELDER: We don't have the... authority to share that information. PIPER: Fine, well if you don't, then who does? AVATAR: You might want to think twice before going there. PIPER: Going where? ELDER: You're going to need your sisters. [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HENRY'S OFFICE - DAY] PAIGE: (knocks and enters) Hi. HENRY: Hey. PAIGE: Sorry I left without talking before. HENRY: Can't talk now, so... PAIGE: Well, it's not what I came for. HENRY: Why are you here? PAIGE: Look, I need some help. It's about my brother-in-law... HENRY: Hold it. You can't just storm out on lunch, then chime me on and show up here like nothing happened. You can't do that. PAIGE: (crosses arms) I didn't! HENRY: Good, let's talk about why you were upset. PAIGE: Okay. Here's the thing. I have no issue, you know, going Dutch with guys, I do it, you know, a lot, totally fine. But I guess I just kinda feel, eeh, maybe it's old-fashioned, that when someone specifically asks me out on a date, that maybe-- HENRY: (lifts finger) Who did that? PAIGE: You did. HENRY: I-- no. PAIGE: Yeah. You said, would you like to go for lunch on a date? HENRY: I said, would you like to go for lunch at Nate's. PAIGE: Okay, that's really embarrassing. HENRY: The embarrassing part of the story is that... I did want to make it a date. And I didn't ask you, because I was scared you were gonna say no. PAIGE: Misunderstandings. HENRY: So what can I do for you, Paige? PAIGE: Here's the thing. I need to speak to somebody in jail. The catch is, it has to be completely private, and you can't ask me why. [INT. POLICE STATION - INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY] HENRY: How exactly is this gonna help Leo again? PAIGE: Henry, please stop fishing. (The door opens. A cop drags Lenny in the room.) LENNY: What's going on? Who's she, my PD? (The cop sits Lenny on a chair.) HENRY: Thanks, Jack. (The cop leaves the room.) All right, no one's on the other side, the cameras are off. He's all yours. PAIGE: Thank you. HENRY: Hope you know what you're doing. (Henry leaves and closes the door behind him.) LENNY: Yeah, hey, I hope you know what you're doing too, lady. I mean, uh, you're a grand-looking lawyer and all, but I gotta get out of here. PAIGE: I'm not a lawyer. LENNY: Oh no? Then what are you? PAIGE: (deadly serious) Actually, I'm a witch. (Paige clutches the Lenny's shoulder and orbs him out.) LENNY: Ahh! [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Paige and Lenny orb in. Paige pushes him and he falls down, extremely frightened.) LENNY: Ahh! What the hell?!? (Stands up) Where are we? (Paige grabs him and shoves him in a chair.) Ahh! How'd we get here? (Paige smashes a potion near him.) What the hell was that? (Yellow hazy particles circle around Lenny.) PAIGE: Truth potion, Lenny. You're gonna tell me what's going on and who is behind this. LENNY: Behind what? (The yellow hazy particles permeate Lenny and he glows yellow for a blink.) Hey! Hey, I feel pretty good! What was that stuff? PAIGE: Never mind. The truth, now! LENNY: All right, okay. The truth is, I don't really have a license to drive a tow, I forged it. I'm not really from Jersey, I'm from Kansas. I only took... PAIGE: What? LENNY: ... the gig to pay back the bookie. And I didn't really lose the money, I stole it. 'Course, that's after I slept with his wife. PAIGE: No. Tell me about the accident! Which demon is behind this? LENNY: Demons? You wanna talk demons? PAIGE: Yeah! LENNY: All right. I stole from the collection plate, and even though I promised to return the money, I gambled it away. Well, actually, I rigged the game and made some dough, and then I lost it when I was picking the track. (Piper comes in.) PIPER: Paige, what are you doing? PAIGE: This is the guy who crashed into Leo. Although I'm beginning to think it really was an accident. LENNY: I told you! PIPER: It wasn't. Get rid of him. (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - BURKE'S LAIR] PHOEBE: (holding a crystal, taunting) Hmm, now, I wonder what would happen if I put this right here. BURKE: No! Don't. Just-- put it down. Please! It'll kll me, I swear. BILLIE: Hmm. Might wanna keep that in mind. PHOEBE: So I guess that means you value your life. BILLIE: Enough to start answering some questions? BURKE: I already told you, I don't know anything, I just do as I'm told. BILLIE: You're lying. You knew who I was, you know about my sister, now tell us who hired you, or you're dad! PHOEBE: Uh-oh! BILLIE: Uh-oh, what? (Phoebe disappears in a swirl of glowing twinkles.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Phoebe appears in a swirl of glowing twinkles.) PHOEBE: You know, a phone call would've done the trick. PAIGE: We're running out of time. PIPER: And so is Leo. [INT. BAY GENERAL HOSPITAL - HALLWAY - DAY] (Leo is being transported out of surgery. He's in a really bad shape.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FIVE ----------- [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige are linking hands in a circle.) PHOEBE: Wait a minute. (She pulls her hands away.) Are we sure we know what we're doing here? PIPER: Phoebe. PHOEBE: Piper, I would do anything to save Leo, you know that, but this is just freaking me out a little bit. I mean, has anyone ever done this before? PAIGE: Well, we met the Angel of Destiny before. PHOEBE: I know, but we've never summoned him. He came to us, okay? I'm just saying. PIPER: Phoebe, I can't lose Leo. I won't. (Phoebe ponders for a while, then makes her decision.) (The three sisters link hands.) PIPER: Power of three, we summon thee And call to us the Angel of Destiny (A glowing golden ball spins around Piper, Phoebe and Paige. The ball explodes in shards, revealing a grey-robed Angel of Destiny.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: Who are you to summon me? PAIGE: You don't look like the one we've met before. ANGEL OF DESTINY: There are many destinies. And many angels. PIPER: Do you know why we called you? ANGEL OF DESTINY: Yes, though there's nothing I can do for you. This is Leo's destiny. PIPER: Why? Who says? ANGEL OF DESTINY: Who do you think? PHOEBE: Don't go there. PIPER: Listen, lady. I've jumped through a lot of hoops to get you here, and I want some answers, and I mean fast. PAIGE: Easy, Piper. PIPER: This was not any random accident. There's more to it than that, and I want to know what. ANGEL OF DESTINY: Who says there's more? PIPER: The Angel of Death. PAIGE: And an Elder. PHOEBE: And an Avatar. ANGEL OF DESTINY: Looks like I'm going to have to have a little chat with them. PIPER: First, you're going to have to have a little chat with me. Now, I don't understand this whole grand design thing, nor do I want to. But if your only concern is where we end up, isn't it up to us with free will and all how we get there? ANGEL OF DESTINY: Go on. PIPER: Just explain to me why Leo is destined to die right now. What does it mean for the whole big picture? Because maybe there is a way for us to get there... that he doesn't have to die. You have to give us a chance, you at least owe us that. (The Angel of Destiny's eyes glow for a moment.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: There's one more battle on the horizon for you three. One unlike you've ever faced before, one you won't see coming, and one you may not survive. PIPER: (shakes her head) What does that have to do with Leo? ANGEL OF DESTINY: The loss, the pain will motivate you, all of you to fight, without which you will have no chance to prevail. PHOEBE: Won't you please try to let us find a way to do this without Leo dying? ANGEL OF DESTINY: What exactly do you have in mind? (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - BURKE'S LAIR] (Billie slots a magical crystal, trapping Burke within an invisible force field.) BILLIE: My sister, is she alive or not? BURKE: All right. All right. I'll talk. (Billie stares at Burke, chock full of hope.) (The Angel of Destiny, Piper, Paige and Phoebe appear off-screen.) PHOEBE: Billie, wait. BILLIE: (turns around) What are you guys doing here? Who's that? (sht of the Angel of Destiny.) PHOEBE: Someone that can save Leo. PAIGE: But we're gonna need his help. PIPER: We don't have a lot of time. Leo's about to die any second, and this was the only way we could think of to save him. BILLIE: How? PHOEBE: (takes a step forward) By doing to Leo what he does to his trophies. Freezing him. BURKE: But that's only if I agree to help, right? I mean, Blondie here knows how to trture all right, but she can't freeze anyone. PAIGE: What's your point, what do you want? BURKE: It's a little thing called amnesty. You don't come after me, you don't touch me, I'm completely free, and I don't have to talk to you or anyone else about her sister. BILLIE: (panicking) No no no, you can't do this! He knows something! PIPER: I know, sweetie, I know, and I swear we'll find your sister, I promise. But this is Leo's only hope. (sht of Billie looking torn. She sighs.) BILLIE: (weakly) Okay. PIPER: (to Burke) Deal? (Burke nods.) PIPER: (to the Angel of Destiny) Go ahead. (The Angel of Destiny closes his eyes. Leo appears as he was before the accident. Burke is teleported near the magical crystals.) LEO: What's going on? Where am I? PIPER: (walks to Leo) It doesn't matter. All that matters is you're gonna be safe. LEO: What do you mean? What's going on? PIPER: Remember when I told you you just had to trust me? This is the only way. LEO: The only way? Piper... PIPER: I have to lose you to save you. It's just... how screwed up destiny is. You kind of got caught in the middle. I'm so sorry. (Piper cries.) (Phoebe hangs her head.) LEO: It's all right. We have... been through worse... PIPER: No. We haven't. LEO: We're gonna get through this. (A teary Piper nods.) PIPER: Of course we will. ANGEL OF DESTINY: It's time. (Piper closes her eyes and cries.) (Burke places a magical crystal in its slot. The crystal glows.) PIPER: I love you. LEO: I love you too. (They kiss. Piper painfully steps back.) (Piper cries. Phoebe sends Leo a kiss. Paige has tears running down her face.) (Burke places a second magical crystal in its slot. The Angel of Destiny nods. Burke rotates the crystal. A cryogenic container appears and Leo instantly freezes.) (Piper covers her eyes.) (sht of frozen Leo.) (Billie looks aside.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: You will find your sister, Billie. It's your destiny. (To the sisters) If you prevail, he will be returned. If not... (The Angel of Destiny transforms into a golden swarm of light particles. The golden particles of light swirl around Leo, and he vanishes with them.) (Piper shakes her head in disbelief.) (Piper joins her hands, then builds up enough courage and walks to her sisters and Billie.) PIPER: Let's go home. (Burke watches them orb out with a satisfied smile.) (Suddenly a veil of green dust encircles Burke.) BURKE: Wait! No! I did what you asked, didn't I? I kept her from finding out about her sister! (The dust swirls around Burke until he explodes in flames.) Ahh! (The now-yellow cloud sht across the room and destroys Reinhardt's container in a huge explsi*n. The shattered remnants of Reinhard's container fade away.) [INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HENRY'S OFFICE - NIGHT] (Paige, weeping, slowly walks in. Henry stands up. Paige hugs him..) (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT] (Phoebe's on the floor. She's playing with Wyatt; Chris is on her knees playing with a rattle. She looks pensive.) (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - GARAGE - NIGHT] (Piper's crying unrestrainedly. Finally, she collects herself, wipes off her eyes with a handkerchief, sighs... She turns off the light and leaves.) FADE TO BLACK	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x10 - Vaya Con Leos"}	foreverdreaming
Piper: We're gonna bat this, Leo, just like we always do. Leo: You've always been a bad liar. Previously on "Charmed"... Paige: This could very well not be an accident after all. Piper: How does that help Leo? Paige: Maybe something magical can fix it. Leo: Where am I? Piper: It's just our screwed-up destiny, and I have to lose you to save you. Paige: You're a parole officer? Henry: Let me guess, missionary, social worker? Do-gooder. Paige: Are you trying to charm me? Paige: How did you get my number? Henry: Oh, you're not the only one with connections. Paige: I see. Billie: The night my sister was taken, it was raining outside. That was the last time I ever saw her. Piper: What did your parents do? Billie: They thought I made the whole thing up. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Here's the thing. I have powers, which means my sister has powers, too. So if the demon that took her wanted to use her powers for evil, the only place he could do that would be corporate America. So... Phoebe: So you think this is some kind of demonic conspiracy? Billie: Exactly. What do you think? Phoebe: Well, I think if it is, it'll still be there tomorrow. Today you're supposed to pick up your parents. Billie: No, wait. Phoebe: No. No waiting. They traveled a very long way to see you, Billie. Billie: Your idea, not mine. Phoebe: Yeah, and I think it was a very good idea, thank you. Billie: Well, you haven't met them yet. Phoebe: Oh, come on. They can't be that bad. Billie: No? My father is a robot, my mother is a wallflower, and they haven't talked about my sister in years. Phoebe: And that's why we invited them to dinner. Trust me, ok? A little bit of Piper's food, some nice wine, and everyone'll be able to relax. Billie: Oh, you cannot relax around them. They're impossible. And, plus, they don't know anything about witches or magic. Phoebe: Well, they must have some idea. Especially if you guys both have powers. Billie: I think we were both adopted. [Phoebe scoffs.] Billie: Anyways, let me get back to my theory. So I have an appointment with one of those mucky-mucks who was kidnapped as a kid, and I think if I can just get him to touch this paper I enchanted, I'll know he's magical, and then I'll know I'm onto something. Phoebe: Wait a minute. How do you know that works? Billie: Well, I tested it on Paige a few days ago. Please don't tell her. Phoebe: Ok, here's the deal. If you want to borrow my car, you can. Billie: Great. Phoebe: But only if you're going to pick up your parents, ok, not chase some lead. It can't be as bad as you think. And you know what, who knows? They may even surprise you. Billie: Surprise me? They are going to suck the life out of this place. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: Dominic, everything is gonna be fine. Just make sure you have enough beer, turn the music up, turn the lights down low, and you'll be fine. All right? All right. I'll talk to you later. Bye. [Sighs] Phoebe: Uh, what's that for? Piper: This is for Leo. Phoebe: You're videotaping yourself setting the table for Leo? Piper: Well, when you go away on a long trip, it's the little things you miss. Phoebe: Yeah, but, sweetie, he's not on a long trip. He's frozen. Piper: Not for long. Phoebe: Unfortunately we don't know how long it's going to take. Piper: Precisely my point, OK? So just, you know, act natural. Phoebe: OK, you know what? I'm-- I'm just going to go work upstairs. Piper: Wait, wait, wait. Is it going to bother you that much? Phoebe: Well, yeah. OK, no, it's not just that. I'm just-- I'm having a little trouble with my column. Piper: Really? Could ya turn to the camera and tell me a little bit more about that problem? Phoebe: [Laughs] Well, it's really quite simple. I don't know what my problem is. I mean, there's these twins, and they live together, right? And the girl doesn't know if she's going to be able to open up to her boyfriend because she's so close to her brother. Piper: All right, so what do you think? Phoebe: I have no idea what I think, and that's the problem. But I have to come up with something fast because, uh, my deadline is tomorrow. Piper: Well, I'm sure you'll think of something. You always do. Besides, maybe it'll make for great dinner conversation. Phoebe: Uhh. Piper: Did Billie go to get her parents? Phoebe: God, I hope so. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dalvos: Billie, I-I feel terrible about what happened to your sister, but I'm still not sure how you think I can help you. Billie: Well, I'm just trying to find a connection, Mr. Dalvos, anything that could help me possibly find her. Um, maybe you've met or possibly heard of some of the other kidnap victims? They were found days later, just like you. Grant: Just so we're clear, you are not taking this company public. You got that? Dalvos: Grant, I'm in a meeting here. Grant: You can lobby behind my back all you want, but it's never gonna happen. See, my father made me chairman, cousin, not you. Which means we stay private, just like he wanted us to. Dalvos: We should talk about this later. Grant: There's nothing to talk about. You try a power play tomorrow, I'll crush you. Dalvos: Please excuse my cousin. He's been under a great deal of pressure since his father died. Billie: Uh, you know what? That's ok, I'll-- I'll just come back later. Thank you. Bye. Dalvos: She's a witch, isn't she? demon nanny: You've learned your lessons well. Dalvos: I've had a good teacher. demon nanny: Still, it would've been better for you not to have met with her at all. You are a heartbeat away from taking over one of the country's most powerful companies, which means now is not the time to risk getting exposed. Of course, that is why you have me. Dalvos: Can you handle her? demon nanny: I think if I was able to switch you at birth, put you in position to take great power, I can handle one little witch. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: Hey, stranger. Henry: Hey. Paige: Bad timing? Henry: No, no, no. It's great to see you. [Paige chuckles nervously.] Henry: So how's your brother-in-law? You heard from him? Paige: No. No, we haven't. Um, which you would know if you returned a phone call. Henry: I did call you. I didn't call you back, did I? Ohh. Paige, I'm sorry. Work is crazy. I'm sorry. Paige: That's OK. And just so you know, if it is something else, it's OK. Henry: No, no, no. No. Look, forget about work. What are you doing for dinner tonight? Paige: Actually, I have plans. Henry: Ohh! Paige: [Laughs] No, not like that. It's with my sisters and our friend Billie. Her parents are in town, so... Henry: Good. Afterwards, me and you, P3, 9:00. Say yes. Paige: Yes. 9:00. But don't be late. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helen: I'm sure she'll be here soon. Carl: Yeah. Billie: Hi, guys. I'm so sorry. Traffic was horrible. Helen: It's all right, honey. Billie: Hi. I hope you and dad weren't waiting too long. Helen: No. Carl: Define "too long." Helen: Well, what a cute little car. Billie: Thanks. It's Phoebe's. She's so great. You're going to meet her tonight. I mean, they're all--they're all great. Carl: Here. I got it. Billie: No, Dad. It's fine. Helen: You're sure? Billie: All right, Mom. You squeeze in back. Ready? Let's just go. Carl: Honey, will you--? Helen: Yeah, here, honey. Billie: You guys ready to see my school? Carl: That's why we're here. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Vaccuuming noise] Phoebe: "Am I Too Close to My Twin?" Dorrie: Wait, what? I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Phoebe: "Am I Too Close to My Twin?" You know, my column. Dorrie: Oh, right. Is it done? Phoebe: Uh, no, see, that's the problem. I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer, which is weird considering how close I am to my sisters, you know. [Wyatt makes a horsey noise and Piper laughs.] Maybe a little too close. Dorrie: That's so weird. Your answers usually come so easily. Phoebe: Yeah, go figure. [Dorrie laughs] Phoebe: All right, tell Elise I'm on top of it, and I'll have the column in by 10:00. OK, bye. Piper: Where you going? Phoebe: Hey, Piper, Piper: Heh? Phoebe: Is there any way that we could keep it down just a little bit? Piper: Well, you know, it's for Leo. Phoebe: OK, you're right. I'll just go upstairs and do this. Piper: Or you could help me get the house ready for our dinner guests. Phoebe: Um, Piper, dinner is, like, 4 hours from now. Are you sure you're doing OK? Piper: Yeah, I'm fine. Why? Phoebe: Why? Because you didn't clean and prep this much for your own wedding, that's why. Piper, you're not dealing. Piper: You're not helping. Billie! You're really early. Billie: Yeah, we decided to drive by the campus instead. Can we come in? Please? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: You know, Phoebe over here is actually "Ask Phoebe," the advice columnist from the Bay Mirror. Helen: Really? Wow. Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, that's me. Um, actually, I'm working on a very interesting question from one of my readers right now. Carl: We don't read the advice columns. Phoebe: Oh. Piper: Would anyone like more wine? Paige: Ooh, well, that reminds me, I have to go meet Henry. Uh, you know, for drinks. [Chuckles] Getting kind of late. And you know, if there's anyone you don't want to be late for, that would be a parole officer. Ok, honey, good luck. Goodbye. Helen: Did she say parole officer? Billie: It's not what you think. Carl: Interesting friends. Billie: Excuse me? Carl: Well, I think we should be going, too. It was kind of you to invite us. Thank you for dinner. Phoebe: Wait, wait, no. We--you know, you haven't even had dessert yet. Carl: It's been a long trip. Billie: I need to ask you guys about Christy right now. [Helen gasps.] Carl: That's not something we talk about in front of strangers, Billie. Phoebe: Uh, we're not really strangers. Billie: No. Actually, Dad, they're friends. Really good friends. And for the record, you never want to talk about her. In fact, I remember a month after she was taken, you guys went back to your pretty little lives like nothing ever happened, but something did happen. Carl: You were 5, what do you know? Billie: I know you didn't do a damn thing to try and find her. Helen: That's not true. [Fly buzzing] Piper: Ok, maybe we should all just sit down and-- Carl: I told you coming here was a mistake. Billie: No, the mistake was me thinking you guys could know that this hurts me, too. Helen: Why do you always do this to us? Carl: Because she doesn't care about us, that's why. Billie: I don't care about you?! You guys are cold-hearted assassins. [Fly buzzing] [Fly splats] Carl: Nice sht, babe. Helen: Thanks, hon. Hmmm. Piper: Oh, boy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helen: Mmm, titanium. [Laughs] The best. Carl:: Mmm. Helen: Nice gn. Where'd you get that? Carl: I don't know, but I like it. Helen: [Laughs.] Me, too. Billie: What's going on? Phoebe: Piper, what did you put in their food? Piper: Food was in the food, thank you. Phobes: Well, how do you explain this? Piper: Well, don't look at me. She's the one that said "assassins". Billie: It's a figure of speech. Piper: Well, apparently not. Billie: Mom, Dad? Helen: Excuse me? Who are you? Billie: I'm your daughter. Billie. Helen: Come here. Come here. Mmm. Phoebe: Ok, you know, let's talk over here. You guys, just don't mind us. Just keep grossing me out over there. Billie: How did this happen? Phoebe: I have no idea, but we have to figure it out fast. Piper: Ok, why don't you two go upstairs and check the book, see if you can find anything that will help them, and I will stay here and keep an eye on Mr. and Mrs. there. Phoebe: Well, I don't think it was a spell because the words didn't rhyme, but obviously it had something to do with the words, right? Billie: You know, or maybe it was just-- me. Phoebe: Well, no, it couldn't have just been you. I mean, that was a pretty powerful transformation down there. Billie: Well, tell that to these flowers. This morning they were alive until I said something like "suck the life out of this place," and then they just... Phoebe: Got the life sucked out of them? Billie: Phoebe, what's happening to me? Phoebe: Oh, sweetie, I don't know. Although I do know of a power called projection, and I've never actually seen it, but I know it exists. Billie: Projection? Phoebe: It lets the witch turn people and things into whatever comes to mind without a spell or a potion. It's pretty powerful stuff. Billie: Wait, so you're saying I just all of a sudden have this new power? Phoebe: Well, it kind of makes sense if you think about it. Right? I mean, you're growing as a witch, and our powers are tied to our emotions, and you've been suppressing those lately. Billie: Well, if I can turn my parents into something, I can turn them back, right? dad flowers, be alive again! Phoebe: Yeah, it takes a while to get the hang of new powers, plus you're not in the same emotional state you were downstairs. Billie: Well, how do I get back to that same emotional state? Phoebe: I don't know. But when you figure it out, just be careful what you say. [Muffled speech] Billie: Oh, my gosh! Phoebe: Piper, what happened? Piper: Uh, well, augh! Billie: Sorry. Piper: Your parents jumped me. It's the last time I invite them to dinner. Phoebe: Easy, easy. Billie: They bat your freeze? Piper: Ugh, I didn't even have a chance. They're fast, and they're dangerous. Billie: What do you mean? Piper: They said they were going to find some real action. Phoebe: What does that mean? Billie: The only action I remember them looking for growing up was bowling night. Phoebe: Hmm. Piper: Well, now apparently they're looking for an arsenal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Dance music playing] Bartender: Hey, Paige, what's up? Paige: Hey. Hi. I'm supposed to meet my date here. Has anyone come up and asked for me? Bartender: No, not tonight. Paige: Huh. He was supposed to meet me 30 minutes ago. Ok. Um, you're sure? Bartender: I'm sure. Sorry. [Cell phone rings] Paige: You're late. Piper: Paige, hi. Where are you? Paige: Oh, well, apparently I'm being stood up. Why? Piper: Because we need you at home. Apparently we have some assassins to save. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [gn] Carl: Where you hiding all those things anyway? Helen: Well, I'm all out of amo now. But you're welcome to check. Carl: Later. First we need to stock up. amo for me. Prada for you. Helen: Mmm, you read my mind. Carl: Hmm. Helen: Thank you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: All right, ladies, so what is it? What's the plan? Piper: Well, hello to you, too. Paige: Sorry. Just got stood up. Not really so much in the mood for chitchat. Phoebe: Ohh, well, I'm sure Henry has a perfectly good explanation for that. Paige: Hmm, doesn't he always? Ok, what's going on? Billie: Find my parents before they kll someone. Phoebe: We're going to stun 'em with this, bring them back here, and then change them back. Piper: Except we haven't figured out that last part yet. Billie: Yeah, and this isn't working. You know, maybe I should just use my new power, turn myself into a target, so they come after me. Phoebe: You know, Billie, this isn't your fault. Billie: Yes, it is. Phoebe: No, you got emotional and hurt. It's completely understandable. Paige: Hey, can we make some of that stun potion for me to use on Mr. Henry? Piper: People, focus. The longer they're out there, the more damage they do. Paige: Well, you know, scrying's not going to work for them anyway because they're not magical. Piper: No, but they are enchanted. Billie: Hey, I think I found them. Phoebe: OK, great. Piper, take these. Piper: Oh, no, I can't go. Paige: Why not? Piper: Well, the boys. Phoebe: Sweetie, the boys will be OK. I'll stay here. Don't worry about them. Piper: No, I know. I'm just, you know, with Leo gone, I kinda want to stay close to them. Phoebe: OK. I'll go. We'll be back. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Oh, are they dad? Phoebe: No, it looks like they're still breathing. Paige: Looks like your parents were just toying with them. Billie: I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Paige: Bad thing. Throw the potion. Phoebe: Uh-oh. Billie: Mom, Dad, we're not trying to hurt you. We want to help you. Helen: Why does she keep calling us that? Carl: I have no idea. Phoebe: Paige! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dalvos: You said you could handle this. You promised. demon nanny: Have I ever let you down? Dalvos: No. No, it's just yesterday I had only one witch to worry about. Now I've got three. demon nanny: Not just any 3 witches. The Charmed Ones. Dalvos: What? That's who they are? I don't have the power to stand up to them. demon nanny: You don't have the power to stand up to anybody. Demonically speaking, I mean. But you won't have to. As far as they know, you're human. They can't touch you. Dalvos: Maybe not. But they're sure as hell not going to let us take out Grant so I can become chairman. nanny demon: We won't have to take him out. They'll do it for us. At least, Billie's spellbound parents will. Dalvos: How? demon nanny: You're going to hire them. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Knock on door] Dalvos: I hear you two are looking for some action. I come bearing gifts. Carl: And who are you? Dalvos: Someone who wants somebody klled. Interested? Everything you'll need to get through security, including the wapon, which I assume you'll be able to figure out. Helen: Who's the mark? Dalvos: In the envelope. It won't be easy, and you'll only get one sht at him. Plus, the meeting's in less than an hour. Carl: And what's in it for us? Dalvos: Whatever you want. [Helen laughs.] Carl: We're in. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phoebe: They still moving? Billie: Yep. Phoebe: Hey, you OK? Billie: 0h, yeah, sure, considering my parents tried to sht me. Paige: Well, if it makes you feel better, you know, they weren't really your parents when they did that. I mean, they didn't know they were your parents. But they are your parents is what I'm saying. Phoebe: Just keep mixing. Billie: I just still can't believe this is all happening. Phoebe: Well, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. Billie: I know, but still. You know, it's so weird, but I can remember them being like this all the time. Paige: What, like assassins? Billie: No, happy. Together-- working together, laughing. When Christy got kidnapped, it all just-- Phoebe: Well, it's the hardest thing in the world to lose a child. Billie: I know. I know that. Even though I may have just been 5, I miss the way it used to be. Well, I guess it's good to know they have it in them still. Phoebe: Who knows? Maybe they'll be like that again soon. After you find Christy. Piper? Paige: Uh, no, she's with the babies, putting them down for a nap. Here. I think I know who it is. Oh, and, uh, we lucked out with her parents before, but we need to stop them before they kll an innocent. Phoebe: I know, I know. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: Henry, hi. Henry: Did you get any of my calls? Paige: Yeah, I got all your calls. Henry: Ok, you're mad. I-- I don't blame you. Um, I can explain, though, all right? Paige: There's really nothing to explain. Ha! You stood me up. Henry: One of my parolees skipped out. What was I supposed to do? Paige: Call me. Henry: Oh, I did. I tried calling. Paige: Before, Henry. Not after. Look, here's the thing. I'm a big girl. I really am. So if you don't want to go out with me, please just say so because I'm really not into the whole game-playing thing. Henry: I'm not playing any games, Paige. Paige: It's not supposed to be this hard this early. I don't know. I keep feeling like there's something off or there's something you're not telling me, some sort of secret. Henry: What are you not telling me? Paige: Don't turn this around on me. Henry: No, I'll admit-- I have my secrets. Paige: Oh, my God, are you married? Henry: No, I'm not married. Look, we both know you're not telling me something here, OK? I have trouble getting close to people, Paige. And I know it doesn't let me off the hook, but when you're holding back on me-- Phoebe: Paige! We gotta move. Uh, so could get the thing from the thing for the thing. Paige: Yeah. Um, ok. Well, I have to go. I'll call you. Henry: You promise? Paige: Promise. Phoebe: Sorry, it's just her parents stopped moving. Billie: Right where I was trying to prove my conspiracy theory, too. Piper: What conspiracy theory? Billie: The one about my sister being one of many powerful kids that was kidnapped by demons. Phoebe: Think Manchurian Candidate. Paige: Which version? Phoebe: Does it matter? Billie: I don't even understand what my parents are doing here anyway. I mean it's too big of a coincidence to be a coincidence, right? Phoebe: Well, maybe there really are demons at the company, and they know you're onto them. Paige: Maybe they're using your parents as leverage. Phoebe: This time, you're going, I'm staying. Piper: Wait, but-- Phoebe: No buts. We don't know what we're up against, and you have more firepower than I do. Piper: Yeah, but you've got the potions. Paige: They're only stun potions. Piper: So, we can make vanguiishing potions. Billie: We don't have time. My parents don't have time. Phoebe: Look, you can't hole up here anymore. And you can't busy yourself with endless tasks, OK? You have to get back out there and fight. For Leo. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: Do you see them anywhere? Billie: Nope. Piper: How do you know they're in there? Billie: Well, Dalvos is here, so they have to be close. Carl: Excuse me. Is this seat taken? Helen: Help yourself. [Applause] Grant: Thank you. Thank you. Good afternoon, everyone. There's been a lot of talk about where our company'ss going next, both in terms of our businesses, and in terms of the broader question: Will Pelham go public or remain private? It's this question I'd like to address today. Now, Pelham is a family company, founded on old-fashioned values: Trust, hard work, and results. Billie: Oh, there they are. 2 tables from the front. Paige: Well, at least they're ok. Billie: How we going to get them outta here? Piper: We wait. Grant: So I think the real question we should be asking is, which direction will better serve these core values? So, after much consideration, I want to reassure everyone in every division, from microchips to macro turbines, that Pelham is going to remain-- Billie: What are you doing? Are you crazy? Paige: Aah! Hot! Piper: Something's not right. Why would they want to sh*t him? nanny demon: Because I wanted them to. Just so you know, whether or not you vanquish me, it won't save mommy and daddy. Piper: How do you figure? nanny demon: Because the chairman is still going to die. And they will still be blamed for his mrder. And afterwards, our greatest creation-- for all intents and purposes, a human-- Rod Dalvos will take over, and with it give us the demonic foothold we've worked a generation to achieve. Piper: And how do you plan to accomplish all that? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phoebe: I don't know. It just came to me. Actually, I don't know why I had such a hard time with the question in the first place. Dorrie: [Over telephone] But it's brilliant, Phoebe, really. Phoebe: Oh, well, I don't know about brilliant. Dorrie: Are you kidding? "Sometimes people can rely a little too much on a sibling for their emotional needs, not being open to finding love outside of the home. Sometimes you have to move out to move on." How'd you come up with that? Phoebe: Well, let's just say I can relate. And it took me a little while to figure it out. You know? And, uh, some peace and quiet. Piper: We got big problems. Phoebe: So much for peace and quiet. Uh, OK, get that to copy right away 'cause I don't want to miss the deadline. All right, thanks. Piper: Where are the boys? Phoebe: They're still napping. Piper: Ok, I'm going to go take them to Dad's. I don't want them to be around here. And just so we're clear, I'm not ducking a fight. I'm just protecting my kids. Phoebe: What's going on? What happened? Billie: What's going on is my parents just tried to kll someone. Paige: But they didn't. Phoebe: Oh, well, thank God for that. Paige: Yeah, except that they are wanted for mrder. See, they were set up by this demon who was-- Billie: A human demon. Paige: Yeah, who wants to take over a company. Phoebe: Back up, a human demon? Billie: Yeah, Dalvos, the guy I met, he hired my parents to kll his boss. Paige: Well, he, actually hired the nanny. Phoebe: Wait, the demon has a nanny? Paige: Well, she's really the one who's pulling the strings. Billie: Yeah, and she's trying to frame my parents, so we have to get to them before she does. Paige: Or the police do. [Phoebe sighs] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reporter: Do you have any idea why anyone would want to sht your cousin? Dalvos: I honestly don't know why they'd want to kll Grant. I mean, I assume it's connected to their daughter coming to ask for our help yesterday. Reporter: Help for what? Another reporter: Can you elaborate on that? Dalvos: Help in finding her sister. I guess she thought since I, too, was a kidnap victim as a child, we could help. We looked into the possibility, of course. But when Grant discovered that her parents had spent the past 15 years searching for their daughter with no success, he decided there wasn't really anything we could do. Obviously, Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins didn't like that answer. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dalvos: How long before I become chairman? demon nanny: We wait for a respectable period of mourning. After all, we wouldn't want to appear too anxious or cast unwanted suspicions, now, would we? Dalvos: All right. Then what do we do? demon nanny: We take care of loose ends. That's what we do. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Cell phone rings] Carl: Yeah? You'll text me where to find this loose end? Consider it done. [Cell phone rings] Helen: Yes? All right. Where do I find the mark? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: How's it going? Phoebe: Oh, not good. They've split up, and they keep moving around. Every time the crystal drops, it jumps someplace else. Piper: Well, maybe they know someone's looking for them. Phoebe: Well, I think everyone's looking for them Piper: Where's Paige? Phoebe: She's upstairs trying to find the demon nanny in the book. Dalvos: [Over computer speaker] I honestly don't know why they'd want to kll grant. Phoebe: Hey, how's it going? Dalvos: I mean, I can only assume it's connected to their daughter coming to... Phoebe: Billie! Billie: What? Phoebe: Did you find anything? Billie: Just this. Dalvos: Help in finding her sister. I guess she thought since I, too, had been a kidnap victim as a child, that we could do something. We looked into the possibility, of course, but when Grant discovered that her parents have spent the past 15 years searching for her without success, he decided there wasn't really anything we could do. Obviously Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins didn't like that answer. Billie: This is all over the internet. I mean, they were looking for her, and they didn't even tell me. Phoebe: Ok. We're going to find them, Billie. Billie: How? Scrying isn't working. Phoebe: You know what? There might be another way. If Christy and Billie both have powers, doesn't that mean that their parents have to be the carriers? Piper: If it's in the blood. Right. So wouldn't that mean that the "call for a lost witch" spell might work? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Carl: Helen. Helen: Carl. Carl: I had no idea. Helen: Me neither. Carl: What are we going to do? Helen: Hmm. We have a choice? Carl: You could drop your gn. Helen: [Chuckles] Or you could drop yours. Carl: Hmm. This isn't how I wanted it to end. Helen: Me, neither. Carl: I love you. Helen: I love you, too. Phoebe: Freeze them. Helen: One move, and you die. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helen: Who are you? Who hired you? Piper: Who hired us? Carl: To take us out. We want names. Now! Piper: Billie, I don't really want to blow up your parents, but-- Billie: All right, stop it. This is crazy. You want to sh*t me? Is that what you want to do? Helen: Easy, Billie. Billie: You already lost one daughter. You want to lose other one, too? Do you want to pull that trigger, Mom? It's not going to bring Christy back, and I know that's the one thing you want more than anything in this world. Why didn't you tell me you kept searching for her? Don't you think I needed to know, that I wanted to know? I was just a kid. I was scared and young, and I didn't know y better, and I thought you didn't care about me or her. And now, you're all I have left. Helen: Oh, Billie. I'm so sorry, baby. Paige: Hey, guess what, guys. I think I, um figured out how to clear their names. Did I miss something? Helen: Ohh, my baby. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dalvos: First, I'd like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. Trust me, I wouldn't have dragged you all down here if it wasn't important. I won't be taking the company public after all. It's staying in the family, private. Just like Grant and his father wanted it to. Secondly, I wanted you all to know I'm not going to become the next chairman after all because... I'll be going to jail instead. [Alarmed murmurs] Piper as Dalvos: You see...I'm the one who sht Grant, not that girl's parents. I just made it look like they did because I wanted to take over the company. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dalvos: Whoa. You scared me. What's wrong? demon nanny: What's wrong is it's over, Dalvos. 30 years of planning gone! Dalvos: What? How? demon nanny: Because the witches outsmarted us, that's how. They knew they couldn't vanquish you, so they ruined you instead. Destroyed your reputation. Now we're both ruined. Dalvos: So what does this mean? What do we do now? demon nanny: We tie up loose ends. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Phoebe: Ah, another day, another demon. Piper: Ah, did they print my speech? It was a good speech. Phoebe: Obviously. Too bad Mary Poppins got away. Piper: Yeah, well, don't worry about it. I'm sure we'll be seeing her again in about 30 years or so. Phoebe: Oh, we won't be doing this in another 30 years. They will. Piper: I wonder where we'll be. Phoebe: Well, my guess is you'll be sitting right there feeding your grandkids with Leo. Piper: Let's hope so. Phoebe: Piper, give yourself a break. It's going to take some time, you know. And you have to allow yourself that time. Piper: Sounds like good advice. Did you have any for the twins? Phoebe: Actually, I did. I suggested that she move out of the house, get her own space. Piper: That's good advice. All right, buddy, let's go. What do you say? Watch your fingers, fingers, fingers. Come on, come on, come on. All righty. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: Hey. Henry: Hey. Paige: Just a question. Why is it so hard for you to get close to people? Henry: Well, you don't b*at around the bush, huh? Paige: Well I, um, figure since you stood me up, I can ask anything I want. I'm not mad or anything like that. I was just curious. Henry: I don't know. I think because I grew up in foster homes, you know, and I just bounced around. It made me not trust. You know, whenever I would get close to somebody, they would-- they would leave. I mean, really, I would leave. So now it's years later, and whenever I like someone.. I'm sorry. It's that fight-or-flight thing. Paige: There's nothing to be sorry for. But just so you know... you don't have to run from me. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Helen: You two. You fought like cats and dogs, you know. You were as wildly different as any 2 kids could ever be. And you were inseparable. Billie: We were? Helen: Oh, yeah. Of course, Christy loved to get you in trouble--a lot. It took your father and me a while to figure that one out. She was very sneaky that way. Billie: You know, I don't remember that much about her. There's little moments and things here and there, but most of what I remember of her I loved. Helen: Ah, honey... she adored you. She was very protective of you, too. Nobody could pick on you...except her. Billie: Why didn't you tell me you kept looking for her? Helen: I don't know. We should have. We just didn't know what to do. When it happened, we were devastated. Maybe it was wrong for all of us, but we made the choice to try and make life as normal as possible for you. We thought if we just didn't talk about it-- Billie: Mom, you know what? It's OK. I understand. Did you know Christy was a witch? I mean, that I was? Helen: Mm-hmm. Just like your grandmother. I guess it skipped a generation, huh? Billie: Yeah, lucky you. Helen: No, lucky you. You have a very special gift, Billie, one that you were meant to do great things with. I know that. Just embrace it. Billie: I'm going to find her, Mom. I promise. Helen: Well, maybe this will help. It's Christy's diary. We never could figure out what the last entry meant. Maybe you can. Be safe. Billie: Bye, Mom. Helen: Bye, baby. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x11 - Mr. & Mrs. Witch"}	foreverdreaming
Written by: Doug E. Jones Transcribed by: Janelle Hackbarth Season 8, Episode 13 Episode Number: 169 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: Magic School, Hallway outside Great Hall. ‘Piper' is running down the hallway. A demon appears behind her and throws an energy ball at her. ‘Piper' ducks and hits the table in front of her. He creates another energy ball. ‘Paige' steps out from behind a column. The demon throws the energy ball.] 'Paige': Energy ball. (The energy ball orbs back to the demon, but he side-steps it. ‘Phoebe' steps out and fights him. The demon flips down on the floor. The demon shakes his head and stands up. ‘Piper' blows him up. The ‘sisters' gather.) 'Piper': Nice teamwork. 'Phoebe': You mean nice sister work. 'Paige': We are definitely getting better at this. 'Piper': Well, we should be, we've been doing it long enough. 'Phoebe': I think we're ready. 'Paige': So do I. Male Demon: I don't. (He steps out from the shadows.) Something is still missing. 'Piper': What do you mean? How many more demons do we have to vanquish? 'Phoebe': We've been training for this for like eight years. 'Paige': Five for me. But still, we've mastered their powers. Male Demon: Their individual powers, yes. But you're still missing their collective power: The Power of There. And until you get it, you will never truly replace the Charmed Ones. (The ‘sisters' morph back into three dark-haired demons.) Opening Credits [Scene: Manor, main hall. Phoebe comes downstairs with a large box. Piper is sitting in the dining room, looking through the Book of Shadows.] Phoebe: Anyone down here? Big box in high heels. (She gets to the bottom.) Need some help. Piper: Just a sec. (There are other books and note pads. Phoebe puts the box down on the table behind her.) Uh, sorry. Do you need help? Phoebe: Well, I did. Now I just need a sec. Piper: Okay, well, since I have you... (Phoebe looks at her watch.) Phoebe: Piper, I'm kind of running late. I have to go sign the loan docs and I want to stop by the condo before work. Piper: Loan docs? (She stands up.) Wow, I didn't realize this was moving along so quickly. (Phoebe smiles.) But you know I've been so focused on getting Leo back. Phoebe: Yeah. I know. Piper: But I have made a list of seers and oracles and anyone that might be able to foresee who we'll have to fight in order to get him back. Phoebe: Great. Okay, well call me if you find anything. (She goes back to her box.) Piper: Well, I was thinking... uh, I was thinking that maybe you should take my jeep because my car holds so much more than yours doesn't it? Phoebe: Right. (Piper smiles.) Piper, are you sure you're okay with me moving out? Piper: Yeah. Of course I am. I mean, we can't be roommates forever. That's just weird. Phoebe: Okay. Well, here I go. (She grabs her box. Paige walks in from the kitchen and groans.) Paige: Oh, what am I gonna do? (Phoebe puts her box down.) I'm supposed to have a date with Henry tonight, and he is in the worst mood. He's lost his car keys, he's lost his wallet, he's locked himself out of his apartment. And I need him to be in a good mood for what I want to do tonight. Piper: We aren't talking about sex, are we? Paige: No. We're not talking about sex. I finally got up my courage to tell him, eh, you know, that I'm a witch. And I feel like I have to do it tonight otherwise I might woos out. I really need to know if he's, okay with who I am. You've been through this a lot, Pheebs. Got any advice? Phoebe: Well, hope he doesn't faint. (Paige rolls her eyes.) No. I don't know. I haven't had any success with these things. Just ease into it, you know, try to lessen the blow. Paige: Okay, how? Phoebe: Maybe call in some reinforcements. Maybe ask some of your magical friends to help him have a better day so you can have a better night. Paige: Like fairies or something? Phoebe: Sure. Fairies, leprechauns, whatever. (She turns back to her box.) Good luck. (Paige leaves.) Piper: Uh, Pheebs? Phoebe: Uh-huh? Piper: I was actually hoping that maybe you could help me narrow down the list a little bit before you go. Phoebe: Oh, Piper. I'm really late. Piper: Oh, okay. Well, you know, it's just Leo. (Phoebe makes a small noise.) Really come on. All I need is one little premonition. How hard can it be? Phoebe: Okay. (She drops the box on the floor.) [Scene: Magic School, Great Hall. The girl demons wait as Male Demon stands behind a table.] 'Demon1:' What more do we have to do to convince you? Male Demon: Convincing me is irrelevant. We only get one sht at freeing our brethren. 'Demon2:' We know that, Savard. ''''Savard:'''' Then you also know that there's a reason why our kind has been enslaved for centuries. The slve king is no ordinary demon. 'Demon3:' We escaped. 'Savard:' Yes. So we could return with enough power to destroy him. A power I'm not sure we've got yet. Demon3: We've spent the last eight years replicating the greatest power there is. Demon2: Charmed power. Demon1: And we've not only studied every aspect of what they know and who they are. Demon3: We've infused our blood with their magical blood so that their power is our power. Demon1: Which means, we may already have the Power of Three. 'Savard:' But you haven't shown it yet! (The three girls back off.) In any test or trial. Which means, you don't have it. And you need to get it. If you have any hopes of destroying the slve king. There must be a way. Think back. Tap into your knowledge of the riches. Demon1: Phoebe was stuck in a genie's bottle once. If we could trap her in it again, maybe we could command her, master to genie to tell us how. Demon3: Forget it. Leo got rid of the bottle. Demon2: What about using the sword? Excalibur? Demon3: No. Only Wyatt can wield it. Demon2: Okay. Maybe I could pose as Paige. Trick the Elders into helping us. Demon3: Uh, right. Like that's gonna work. Demon1: Look, do you have any ideas? Or are you just gonna sht down all of ours? Demon3: Um, at least I don't come up with stupid ideas. (They start arguing. Savard slams his hand down.) Savard: Hey! (The girls stop.) Knock it off! At least you've got the sibling rivalry down pat. Demon1: Wait. The dollhouse. It's a magical replica of the real house, isn't it? Which is believed to be magical in and of itself. Demon3: The house is the witches' power base. Has been for generations. 'Savard:' So? Demon2: So, if we could trap all of them inside the dollhouse... Demon3: Like Piper was trapped once before... Demon2: Then we've got the Power of Three contained. And if we were in the real manor while they're in the dollhouse... Demon1: We might be able to channel the Power of Three into us. (The girls smile.) It just might work. (Savard smiles.) [Scene: Manor, attic. Savard shimmers in. He finds the dollhouse under a cloth covering.] Piper: (from downstairs) Anybody up there? (Savard puts his hand on the dollhouse and shimmers out with it. Piper enters.) Hello? (She finds the book stand empty. She leaves.) [Cut to Phoebe's bedroom. Billie sits on the bed, flipping through the Book of Shadows and taking notes. Papers, books, and notes are spread all over. Piper enters.] Piper: Billie, what are you doing? 'Billie:' What else? Still trying to find my sister. Trying to figure out what this symbol means or where it leads. I figure it has to be demonic, right? Piper: No. I mean... Billie: I mean, if it's in her diary, you'd think I'd be able to find something about it in this book, but I... Piper: Billie, what are you doing in Phoebe's room? Billie: Oh, uh, well she said I could hang out in here because she's not gonna be using it. Is that okay? Piper: Oh. Yeah. Sure. I mean, you know, if she's not going to be using it anymore. Billie: Maybe I should just take this stuff to my dorm. Piper: No, no, no. Don't be ridiculous. I just, you know, I wish she would've said something, that's all. Is that our spirit board? Billie: Uh, yeah, she said I could borrow it to contact Christy. Can I? Piper: Yeah. You know, sure. If you want to start paying rent. (Billie gives her a look. Piper grins.) Just kidding. Can I borrow the Book? (The Book of Shadows orbs out.) Billie: Hey, where'd it go? [Cut to Conservatory. The Book of Shadows is opened on the Fairies page. The picture comes to life as a real fairy, which hovers above the Book. Paige sits on the couch.] Paige: Hey, there. Okay. Here's the thing. My sort of hopefully he'll become my boyfriend Henry, he's having a bit of a problem losing things like a wallet, his eyes, you know, stuff like that. And not to cast any aspersions on your character, you guys are known for the kind of sticky finger problem. (The fairy smiles.) So I was wondering if you could go back to your people, and tell them to put everything back. That would help me so much because I really, really, really need his undivided attention tonight. (The fairy nods.) Thank you. (The fairy zooms away. Piper comes downstairs.) Piper: Paige, what are you doing? Paige: Just taking Phoebe's advice. (She grins and leaves. Piper closes and picks up the Book of Shadows.) [Scene: Henry's office. Paige sits at his desk as Henry talks to her.] ''''Henry:' Really? It's the most amazing thing. I mean, first my keys turn up in the laundry. Then one of my parolees find my wallet. Still has everything in it. Paige: That's great. 'Henry:' My 49ers hat, I lost it in high school. My letterman's jacket. It's like everything is turning up. It's crazy. Paige: Very subtle. I mean, very, very lucky. Some would say magical. 'Henry:' Yeah, I don't know, but I'll take it. Paige: So good. Are we still on for dinner? 'Henry:' What's so important that you can't tell me right now? Paige: You're just going to have to wait and hear all about it tonight. Seven o'clock okay? 'Henry:' Look, Paige. Five of my parolees have job interviews tomorrow. They all asked me to write letters of recommendation for them tonight. Paige: Okay. Write them. 'Henry:' Yeah. Well, that's a little easier said than done. I, um, I'm not a writer, Paige. Look-look, please. Don't think that I don't want to go out with you, okay, I do. I have all this work. I don't want to let these guys down. Who knows, maybe I'll get inspired. (Paige stands up.) Paige: I think should count on that. I'll see you at seven, Henry. (She steps out of the office and closes the door behind her.) (whispers) "Being of creativity, show yourself to me." (The muse appears.) Hey, muse, right? Could you do me a favor and inspire my friend Henry in there. I'd really appreciate it. Thank you. (She leaves. The muse goes into Henry's office.) [Scene: Bay Mirror, Phoebe's office. Phoebe is on her laptop.] Assistant: Phoebe, Piper's on line 2-5. Phoebe: Okay. Got it. (She picks up the line.) Hey. What's up? Piper: Have you ever heard of a wizard named Zakal? Phoebe: No. Why? [Cut to Manor, dining room. Piper sits at the table, looking through the Book of Shadows.] Piper: Well, he's been around for ages, and supposedly he's very well connected. He worked for the Source back in the day. Phoebe: Uh-huh. Piper: Are you typing? [Cut to Bay Mirror. Phoebe stops typing and goes to the window.] Phoebe: Uh, no. No. I'm not writing. Of course I'm not writing. Piper: Phoebe, this is important. This guy could know who's after us. Phoebe: Or not. Look, sweetie, bringing Leo home is the most important thing in the world. To all of us. But it's not going to happen over night. Piper: It's also not going to happen if we don't try. Phoebe: Yeah, but we have been trying. And we can't just stop living our lives, you know. I mean, you said so yourself. Piper: Yeah, well. I didn't mean it. (Phoebe sighs.) Look, I just don't want to lose this lead, okay? He could know something. Phoebe: All right, look. I haven't signed the loan docs yet, so why don't I swing by after work. Piper: Well, you have my car. And the car seats are in my car. Well, I have to drop the kids off at dad's don't I? Phoebe: Okay, you know what, I'm beginning to think that you're sabotaging me moving out. Piper: Are you kidding me? Please, I've already rented out your room. (Phoebe smiles.) Oh, by the way could you do me a favor and pick up some mandrake root on your way home? If this guy, Zakal, doesn't want to be cooperative, we may need a vanquishing potion. Okay, thanks. [Cut to Manor. Piper hangs up.] [Scene: Bay Mirror, hallway. Phoebe pushes the button for the elevator. The bell dings and the door opens. She steps inside. Savard, in a suit, stands there.] Phoebe: Hi. (She pushes the floor button.) 'Savard:' Hello. (The doors close. He waves his hand and catches Phoebe's jacket as she slips out of it and onto the floor, unconscious. Demon1 shimmers in.) Demon1: I've always admired her sense of fashion. (She morphs into Phoebe. Savard hands her the jacket.) 'Savard:' Keys are in the pocket. (She puts the jacket on.) Remember, get the sisters to use the Power of Three as soon as possible. So we can see if this is going to work or not. ''''‘Phoebe':' But we have no idea what's going on in their lives right now. Savard: Just wing it. Be yourself. Or rather, be Phoebe. Just don't get too eager. You'll tip the sisters off. (He puts a hand on Phoebe and shimmers out. The elevator doors open and ‘Phoebe' walks out.) Commercial Break [Scene: Dollhouse, living room. Phoebe stands up.] Phoebe: Piper? (No answer.) Paige? (She flicks the light switch, but the lights don't turn on. She goes to the window and pulls the curtains aside. She goes to the front door and walks out onto the porch. She is in a demonic cave. Savard shimmers in and she gasps. She runs back inside. Savard kicks the house, making it shake. He carries the dollhouse onto a small table and kneels in front of it.) 'Savard:' First time's a foot. Next time, a fireball. [Scene: Manor, kitchen. Piper is cooking at the stove. Paige walks in.] Piper: Hey, good, you're back. How'd it go with Henry? (Paige sits on a stool.) Paige: Oh, not so hot. I had to summon a muse. (She picks up a spoon and stirs the pot as Piper adds something.) Piper: Oh, fairy wasn't cutting it? Paige: No. I cannot believe how hard it is just to tell somebody about magic. Piper: Just wait ‘til you have to explain demons to him. Which, by the way, we will be going after one if Phoebe ever gets home. Paige: That's a big adjustment, huh? Piper: No. I mean, she's moved out before. Paige: Right. Are you okay with it? Piper: Why does everybody keep asking me that? Paige: Well, I don't know. Because you guys have lived together since the age of zero. Piper: Believe me. I'm fine. Really. Really! I just need her to help me with this wizard, and that's all. (‘Phoebe' enters.) '‘Phoebe':' Oh, hello. (Paige smiles.) Paige: Hey, there. ‘Phoebe': Can I come in? Piper: Of course you can come in. Don't be ridiculous. Thank you for coming. ‘Phoebe': Well, great. Whatever you need. Piper: Thank you. ‘Phoebe': You're welcome. So what do you need? Piper: The mandrake root. ‘Phoebe': Oh, right. The mandrake root. Where exactly do we keep that again? Piper: You were supposed to get some on your way home. Paige: You know, for the whole wizard situation. ‘Phoebe': Oh, yeah. That's right. Uh, are we gonna need the Power of Three by any chance for this? Piper: You know we will? What's the matter with you? ‘Phoebe': Oh, you know. It's just... Paige: Oh, it's probably just the move. ‘Phoebe': Yeah. Yeah. Okay, let's see where I put that mandrake root. (She puts her hand in her pocket. It glows and she pulls out some mandrake root.) Oh, yeah. Here it is. Now, let's go get those demons, shall we? (She tosses it into the pot.) [Scene: Attic. Piper blasts Zakal against the wall. Paige and ‘Phoebe' stand by her.] Piper: How'd that feel? Last time. Have you or have you not foreseen any thrat against us? Zakal: I'm old. I'm afraid my visions haven't been very reliable lately. ‘Phoebe': Oh, bull. Let's just vanquish him. (She's about to throw the potion at him.) Paige: Wait. We don't have to do this so quickly. We can probably get some stuff out of him. Piper: Help us and we'll spare you. Zakal: All I'll tell you is that by the time you figure out which demon is after you, it'll be too late! ‘Phoebe': All right, you know what? Forget this. Piper: Phoebe, no-no-no-no! (She throws the potion at Zakal, vanquishing him.) ‘Phoebe': I did it. Piper: Yeah, you did it. Why? ‘Phoebe': What do you mean? He's a demon. We vanquish demons. I mean, that's what we do, right? Paige: Yeah, actually. But we could have made him talk first. ‘Phoebe': No. Not Zakal. (They give her a look.) I mean, you know, it's not like he was going to say anything. Piper: Well, he's certainly not going to say anything now. What the hell were you thinking? [Scene: Underworld, cave. Phoebe stands at the dollhouse's living room window and watches as Demon2 and Demon3 shimmer in.] Savard: Well? Demon2: It worked. Demon3: She blasted Zakal right out of his robe. Savard: Using the Power of Three? Demon2: Definitely. Savard: All right. It's time to switch one more sister. Demon3: One more? Why not both of us? We know we can channel the Power of Three now. So, let's just go vanquish the slve King. Savard: We cannot vanquish him without the potion which means we need a witch to find it for us in the Book of Shadows. Demon3: So why don't we go look for it? Savard: Because you might be able to fool the sisters, but you cannot fool the Book. It senses evil. Demon2: He's right? (Savard points at Demon2.) Savard: You go. Play on Piper's desire to get Leo back. Make it look like the slve King is behind it all. She will do anything to get her husband back. (Demon2 smiles.) [Scene: Manor, upstairs hallway. Piper and Paige follow ‘Phoebe' from the attic.] Piper: Wait a second. I'm still talking to you. ‘Phoebe': Well, I said I was sorry. What more would you like me to say? Piper: I want you to tell me why you did that. Why you didn't wait for my cue? ‘Phoebe': Well, because I was afraid we were going to be attcked. Piper: Yeah, well, I'm afraid of losing Leo. ‘Phoebe': Okay. Don't use the guilt card with me. Like you did with Cole. Piper: Cole? Can you think of perhaps a more recent example? ‘Phoebe': Well, yeah, I can, but I can't right now because I'm a little flustered. Paige: Guys! Piper: I cannot believe that you care more about getting back to your new condo than Leo. ‘Phoebe': How can you even say that? Piper: Do you have another explanation? ‘Phoebe': Well, yes. I do. But I'm not going to tell you. (She goes into her bedroom and closes the door behind her. She listens at the door.) Billie: Phoebe? (She spots Billie still on the bed.) ‘Phoebe': Billie. Hey. What are you doing here? Billie: Well, you told me I could use your room, right? ‘Phoebe': Oh, yeah. Right. Billie: I just meant I didn't know you were still here. Do you want me to leave? ‘Phoebe': No. No. Don't be silly. (She sighs.) So why don't tell me about how your search for Chrissie is going. (She sits down.) Billie: You mean Christy? ‘Phoebe': Yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean. (She waves her hand.) Whatever. [Cut to parlor. Paige follows Piper downstairs.] Piper: First, all she cares about is her stupid condo, then she comes back here to help and now she's suddenly trigger happy? She's all over the map. Paige: I'm sure there's some perfectly good reason. Piper: Oh, yeah. Well, I am still waiting for it. Paige: Maybe she was just flustered. Piper: Flustered? If anybody has the right to be flustered around here it would be the newly single mom, okay? Paige: You're right. Piper: Now, I have to go find another damn wizard. (She looks at the dining room table.) Where is the Book? Paige: Guess it's still in the attic. (Piper sighs and goes upstairs. Paige's phone rings. She answers it.) Hey, mister. You better not be canceling on me. Henry: Uh, I'm not. [Cut to Henry's office. Henry sits at his desk on the phone.] Henry: Unless you're breaking up with me, then maybe I should. Paige: Oh, got you scared, huh? Henry: Little bit. Little bit. I finished those letters. And wrote you a love letter. Got inspired. Paige: I can't wait to hear it. Assuming you still want to read it to me. Henry: Why wouldn't I? (The intercom beeps.) Voice: (intercom) Henry, they need you down at the station now. Henry: Hang on a second, Paige. (to intercom) What's going on? Voice: GPS went down on your parolees transmitters. (Henry stands up and starts gathering his things.) Sergeant needs you to help find them. Henry: Great. Paige: What does that mean? Henry: Means I got to go. Paige: Eh! What about dinner? Henry: Sorry, Paige. Bad luck. (He hangs up.) [Cut to Paige. She hangs up and rolls her eyes.] [Scene: Living room. Paige is talking to a leprechaun.] O'Brien: I'm not on call, you know. Paige: Look, I'm not in the mood, okay? Really, really, I'm not. And besides, you guys owe me. You remember a little somebody named Shamus? O'Brien: Ha! So, now it's blackmail, is it? Paige: No. It's not blackmail. Look, I just need my boyfriend Henry to have a little bit of luck, which is why I need your help. So just please come meet me at the police station in an hour and I will explain to you, okay? O'Brien: All right. But don't be late. I'm a busy leprechaun, you know. Go n-eiri an bother leat! (A rainbow appears. He steps into it and disappears. Savard is behind Paige.) Savard: Don't you just hate leprechauns? (He waves his hand and Paige falls to the ground, unconscious. Demon2 shimmers in and morphs into Paige.) You know what to do. (He puts a hand on Paige and shimmers out.) ''''‘Paige':' Yes. I think I do. Commercial Break [Scene: Dollhouse, living room. Phoebe leads Paige in.] Phoebe: Welcome to the dollhouse. We're trapped, and even worse than that, we are really, really small. (They go to the window.) Paige: Okay, are you saying that that means there is no way out of this place? Phoebe: Well, unless you want to get squished. Paige: This can't be. I have a date tonight. Sorry. Can't miss it. Give me your hand. We're orbing out of here. (She takes Phoebe's hand.) Phoebe: Yeah, but... (She tries to orb out, but can't.) Paige: Why didn't that work? What is wrong with my powers? Phoebe: See? That's what I'm trying to tell you. I think our powers were downsized as well. (Savard is working at his desk. Paige spots a rock.) Paige: Rock. (The rock orbs a little. Savard glances at them, then goes back to his work.) Uh, who's he? Phoebe: Uh, he's the demon that replaced us with lookalikes. Which, by the way, I can't even believe that you didn't notice that wasn't me. Paige: Well, so are we. You only vanquished a wizard with us. She van—she van—her—the not you…whatever. Wait a second. We used the Power of Three. Phoebe: Yeah. I think that's part of their plan. They keep us here, and then use the Power of Three to vanquish some guy named the slve king and unfortunately, us. Paige: We have to get to Piper somehow before they do. Phoebe: Yeah, but how? [Scene: Manor, Phoebe's bedroom. ‘Phoebe' lays on the bed, bored.] Billie: So then I tried to match the symbol with the council but it wasn't a direct match. It just didn't work. I don't understand. ‘Phoebe': You know what? That's just a really boring story. Billie: Boring? ‘Phoebe': Yeah. I you should just give up. I mean, it's not like you're going to really find her anyway. (She leaves and walks into ‘Paige' in the hallway.) Paige, don't start with me, okay? I have a headache. ‘Paige': Forget it, lady. I'm on to you. ‘Phoebe': What do you mean? (‘Paige' chuckles.) ‘Paige': Relax. It's just me, Patra. ‘Phoebe': Oh, thank god. This sister stuff is taxing. ‘Paige': Don't worry. It'll all be over soon. (They go up to the attic, where Piper sits on the couch, looking through the Book of Shadows.) There you are. Piper: If you two are up here to gng up on me, forget it. ‘Paige': No. Of course not. Phoebe's come to apologize. Haven't you, Phoebe? Piper: Really? (She closes the Book of Shadows.) Okay, I'm listening. ‘Phoebe': Well, Piper, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for nothing being myself lately, and if it seems that I don't care about what you're going through, I'm sorry. Piper: Thank you. I'm sorry, too. ‘Paige': Well, great. Now that that's taken care of, I've got a lead. Piper: What? How? ‘Paige': Whitelighter grapevine. Turns out that there's a fast rising demon in the underworld known as the slve King. ‘Phoebe': Oh, the slve King. Yeah, I've heard of him. Piper: Really? I haven't. ‘Phoebe': Well, the Elders have. What do you say we track him down and see if we can find anything. Piper: I don't know. I think we should focus on this demonic seer I found. ‘Paige': No, no. The Elders say he's pretty evil. He's enslaved an entire demonic race for centuries now. Piper: Well, that actually sounds like a good thing. ‘Paige': No. It's not. He's forcing them to do his demonic bidding. (Piper gives her a look.) It's just something we should check on is all. ‘Phoebe': What have we got to lose? ‘Paige': Yeah. Piper: You two seem awfully gn ho about this. ‘Phoebe': Well, anything to find Leo, hon. ‘Paige': Should we look at the Book? (Piper goes over to the Book and opens it.) [Scene: Police Station. O'Brien is sitting on a chair and sighs. He looks up and sees Henry find a red folder on the filing cabinet. Henry takes it and shakes his head.] O'Brien: I can't believe I'm being stood up. (He stands up.) By a witch. (He leaves.) [Cut to Manor, attic. Piper flips through the Book of Shadows as her ‘sisters' stand behind her.] ‘Paige': Uh, so you see anything? Piper: Not yet. (A rainbow appears and so does O'Brien.) O'Brien: (to ‘Paige') Why didn't you meet me like you said? ‘Paige': Oh, I'm sorry. You're? O'Brien: Someone who's got better things to do than chasing the whims of a witch. No matter how good you been to the little people. ‘Paige': Well, I've just been busy helping my sister. O'Brien: I was just trying to give your boyfriend a little luck. That is what you want, isn't it? ‘Paige': That sounds just, swell. So how about you go give that guy some luck. Scamper off. Skeedaddle. Go with God. (She smiles and waves him off.) O'Brien: Fine. But after this, we're even. Go n-eiri an bother leat! (A rainbow appears. He steps in and the two disappear.) ‘Phoebe': Now where were we? [Cut to police station. A rainbow appears in a closed room. O'Brien opens the door and peeks in. He sees Henry and takes out his gold, waving his shillelagh over it.] O'Brien: Slainte is tainte! (A burst of luck travels to Henry. O'Brien smiles. Henry sees him. O'Brien salutes him and leaves. Man1 walks in with a guy.) Man1: Hey. Henry? You're in luck. Look who I found. Henry: Jameson. Where'd you find him? Jameson: I was just walking in and there he was. Walked right up to me and turned himself in. Officer1: Henry! (He walks in with two more parolees.) Got two more for you. Caught them just before they left town. Henry: Where'd you find them? I've been looking for them for weeks. (His phone rings. He answers it.) Yeah, it's Mitchell. What? I just won ten thous—I just won $10,000. I just won $10,000! (Two more officers walk, both with a recaptured parolee.) What is going on today? [Cut to attic.] Piper: Well, he's powerful, but he's no seer. I don't know why he would know who's after us. Maybe the Elders don't know what they're talking about. ‘Paige': Well, who are we to question them? Piper: We question them all the time. ‘Paige': Right. Maybe this time they just know something we don't. ‘Phoebe': Okay. Can we get on with this? I have to get to work. ‘Paige': Any vanquishing potion in there? Piper: No. ‘Phoebe': Okay. Well, we can make one, right? In the back of the book. Just flip to the back of the book. Piper: I know, thank you. (Golden orbs swirl around her, but disappear.) What was that? Did you see that? ‘Paige': See what? Piper: You didn't see that? That was weird. It felt like somebody was calling me or something. ‘Phoebe': That is odd. Uh, is that the potion? Piper: All right. (to ‘Phoebe') What is the matter with you two? ‘Phoebe': This. (She punches Piper, knocking her down.) ‘Paige': Cave. (Piper orbs out. Demon3 shimmers in.) Demon3: It's about time. (She morphs into Piper and goes to the Book.) Okay. We're gonna need some henbane, gypsy's blood and hemlock root. [Cut to Dollhouse, foyer. Piper is thrown on the floor. Savard leans in. Phoebe and Paige rush to her.] Savard: Together again. (He waves his fingers and shuts the main doors.) Commercial Break [Scene: Underworld, cave. Savard walks away from the dollhouse.] [Cut into Dollhouse. Phoebe and Paige help Piper up.] Phoebe: Piper, are you okay? Piper: No. You punched me. Phoebe: I did not punch you. Paige: It's her demonic double. Piper: What? What are you talking about? Paige: We've been replaced. (They go into the parlor.) Piper: Oh, no, no, no. Don't tell me we're stuck in the dollhouse. Phoebe: It seems to be an annual event for you. (Paige sits on the couch.) Piper: Oh, I should've known they were demons. Paige: Speaking of demons, did they mention slve King to you? Piper: Yes. Right before I showed them the vanquishing potion. Paige: Oh, great. Phoebe: Well, there's nothing you could've done. Maybe if I'd been around more lately... Piper: No. Forget about it, Phoebe. It wasn't your fault. Paige: The question is how do we get out of here? We couldn't even call you with the lost witch spell. Piper: Oh, that was you. I thought I felt something. Phoebe: Maybe it'll work on Billie? Paige: How? We don't even have enough power to cast a spell. Piper: No. But maybe we have enough to get through to the spirit board. Do you think Grams made a replica of that? [Scene: Manor, Phoebe's bedroom. Billie is scrying on her computer. The pointer on the Spirit Board moves.] Billie: Christy? D-o-l-l... d-o-l-l-h-o-u-s-e. Dollhouse? [Scene: Attic. Billie comes in.] Billie: You guys, the weirdest thing just happened. ‘Phoebe': Now. ‘Paige': Mustard seed. Billie: No. But you don't understand. The spirit board, it worked. I actually got a message. '‘Piper':' What kind of message? Billie: Well, it spelled out ‘dollhouse'. And I don't think that was from Christy, but you guys have a dollhouse, right? ‘Phoebe': Actually, we got rid of it. ‘Paige': Keep stirring. Billie: But I thought I saw Wyatt playing with it a few days ago? ‘Piper': We'll look for it later. We have a demon to vanquish. Billie: Don't you think this means something? (‘Phoebe' puts down the spoon and goes to Billie.) ‘Phoebe': I do believe that my sister just asked you to leave. Billie: Excuse me? ‘Paige': Are you dense? We really don't have time for your crap right now. Billie: This is a joke, right? You guys have to be joking. ‘Piper': Do we look like we're joking? ‘Paige': Did anybody ever tell you what a giant pain in the ass you are? Billie: What? (‘Phoebe' pushes her down.) ‘Piper': I don't know why we keep you around. Billie: But... ‘Phoebe': Get rid of her. ‘Paige': Gladly. Front porch. (Billie orbs out.) That was fun. (‘Phoebe' sighs.) ‘Phoebe': Do you think we were too hard on her? I would hate to have blown our cover. ‘Paige': Doesn't matter. We don't have to look like the Charmed Ones anymore. (She morphs back into herself.) We've got the Power of Three. (Demon1 and Demon3 both morph back.) Demon1: It's time to free our kind. (She and Demon3 pick up potions and they shimmer out. Patra shimmers out.) [Scene: slve King's World. Demon3, Demon1, and Patra walk in.] slve King: How dare you escape me. And how dare you return! Come closer. (They don't move.) Come closer. (The guard pushes Demon3 closer.) You would've been wise to have taken your own lives on the outside. Rather than suffer through how I'm going to take them for you. Where's the other? Savard? Demon1: He's waiting for us to bring him the good news. slve King: The good news? What good news? Demon3: Of your demise. (slve King laughs.) slve King: kll them. (The guard steps forward.) Patra: Now! (They throw potions at the slve King. He's vanquished, along with his guards.) Demon3: It worked. Patra: We did it. Demon1: I don't believe it. [Scene: Underworld, cave. Piper stands on the balcony. Her sisters are at the living room window.] Piper: Uh, just out of curiosity, if this doesn't work, what's Plan B? Phoebe: This is Plan B. Billie was Plan A. Piper: Well, remind me to evict her if we get out of this. Paige: (to Phoebe) You're sure this is gonna work? Phoebe: Well, I hope so. It's your plan. Paige: You have a point there. (Savard walks over to his desk.) Phoebe: Okay. Do it now. Paige: Pointy thing. (A pointed rock orbs closer.) Phoebe: Oh, it only moved a little. Paige: Well, maybe that's because I am little. Phoebe: Okay. Well, try again. Keep trying. Paige: Pointy thing. (The pointed rock orbs closer.) Phoebe: Better. Okay, Piper. You're up. Piper: Hey! Yoo-hoo. (She whistles.) Hello? We'd like to have a little chat down here. (Savard walks over.) Phoebe: (to Paige) Okay. A little to the left. Paige: (whispers) Pointy thing. (The pointed rock orbs closer.) Phoebe: (whispers) Perfect. Savard: What do you want? Piper: You. (She blasts him. He falls back, his head hitting the pointed rock. He is vanquished. Piper rushes down to her sisters.) Let's get out of here! (Demon3, Demon1, and Patra shimmer in.) Demon3: Where's Savard? Patra: Savard? Piper: Oh, I think they have a height advantage. Commercial Break [Scene: Underworld, cave.] Demon1: Our kind is finally free, but now Savard will never see it. Demon3: I don't understand. How could they have klled him? Patra: I don't know. But they did. [Cut to dollhouse, living room.] Phoebe: Okay, if Billie doesn't show up in like two seconds, we're doll parts. Piper: Hang on. There might be another way. Paige: Talk fast. Piper: Well, our individual powers are diminished, put not the Power of Three. Obviously they're using it. Phoebe: Talk faster. Piper: Well, if we can get them to stop channeling us, and use their demonic powers, then we can get the Power of Three back. Phoebe: Theoretically speaking, right? Piper: All we got are theories. Demon3: This is for Savard. Piper: Hey, hey. Hang on a second. What are you – you're gonna kll me with my own power? What are you, kidding me? How insulting let alone boring. Phoebe: Yeah. Show some pride. You know what I mean? Be original. Paige: You guys must suffer from really low self esteem near as I can figure. Phoebe: Which is clearly why they had to steal our powers. Piper: That must be very humiliating. (The demons throw fireballs at them, but Paige puts her hand on the wall of the house and orbs the house out.) [Cut to Manor, attic; the dollhouse orbs in. Billie walks over.] Billie: Oh, thank god. I knew you guys wouldn't really be that mean to me. I mean, I know I can be a huge pain in the ass sometimes... Piper: Billie, zip it! Go get the Book. Billie: Oh, the Book. Right. (She goes to the Book of Shadows.) Phoebe: Find the power switching spell. Piper: Switch, uh, switch bodies with powers. And then, you know. Improvise. Billie: Okay. Who are we switching? Piper: Them. (The demons shimmer into the attic.) Demon1: I thought we booted your ass out. Billie: Uh, you did. But they didn't. (She motions to the dollhouse.) "What's theirs is yours, what's yours is theirs." (Demon1 throws a fireball at her. She ducks.) "I offer up this gift to share. Switch the bodies through the air." (The sisters and the demons switch places; the demons now trapped in the dollhouse.) Paige: You wanted to live like us, now I guess you get to die like us. Demon3/Demon1/Patra: Oh, crap. (Piper blows up the dollhouse.) Billie: Well, they say imitation is the greatest from of flattery. (The sisters say nothing.) Well, they do. (Phoebe smiles. Piper shakes her head. Paige rolls her eyes.) [Scene: Rooftop. Paige and Henry sit at a candle-lit dinner of Chinese take out and wine.] Paige: Hey, Henry. Henry: Yeah? Paige: Guess what? Henry: What? Paige: I like you. Henry: Hey, Paige. Guess what? Paige: What? Henry: I like you, too. (They kiss.) I'll tell you, this day is getting a lot better than how it started. Paige: Yeah. So far. Henry: Why do you keep saying things like that? What do you have to tell me? Come on. It can't be that bad. Rooftop picnic. Starlight, candles. Wait, wait. I want to guess first actually. Hold on. Let me see. You used to be a man before? No. That's not true, right? Good. Come on. Tell me. What is it? Paige: I don't think you're gonna like it. Henry: You try me. Paige: Have you ever wondered about the kind of strange things that happen with me and kind of since you've known me? Like why was I there trying to help your parolee? How did I find that baby's father so quickly? Henry: How'd you get that guy to tell the truth? Paige: How did you get sht and miraculously survive? And even little things like today. Finding your keys and your wallet. And then there's that winning of the $10,000 thing which you should probably give to charity. Because that, you know... Henry: Okay. Okay. What are you trying to tell me, Paige? Paige: Do you believe in magic? Henry: I don't know. I don't think about it much. Why? Paige: I think it's time that you did. Lights. (Orb lights appear above their heads.) I'm doing that now. Henry: How? Paige: I'm a witch. I have powers. Uh, I can make these kind of things happen. I'm not the kind of witch that rides around on broomsticks, or the hat or with the little black cat. That sort of thing. Um, I use my powers for good. I help people. And this is not going well, and I can see how completely scared off you are from me. Door's right there, and it won't hurt my feelings. (She turns away.) Henry: Paige? Paige: What? Henry: Look at me. (Paige does.) I'm not afraid. (He reaches for Paige and kiss.) [Scene: Manor, parlor. Piper comes downstairs with a box.] Piper: Hang on. There's just one more. Phoebe: Really? I thought I grabbed all the boxes. Piper: Well, this one I kind of put together for you just in case you need more herbs or potion vials, or crystals, or you know Cliff notes of the Book of Shadows, just in case. Phoebe: Just in case a demon attcks. Piper: Yeah. Don't laugh. It's gonna happen. And you know it. And when it does, you're gonna be alone. Phoebe: Piper, I'm just moving into town, you know. It's not that far away. Piper: Yeah. But it's not down the hall. Phoebe: That's true. You know, if you don't want to go... Piper: No. You've got to go. There's some blonde chick asleep in your room. I'm just a little sad. But I can be a little sad. Phoebe: Absolutely. I'm sad, too. Piper: It's just…you know, it's been a lot of change. Phoebe: You know this will always be my home, right? And that will never change. This is family. Piper: Yeah. Okay. You've got to go. (Piper gives her the box. Phoebe kisses her cheek.) Phoebe: See you. (Piper nods. Phoebe leaves as her sister watches her go. The front door opens and closes.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x13 - Repo Manor"}	foreverdreaming
Written by: Cameron Litvack Transcribed by: Janelle Hackbarth Season 8, Episode 14 Episode Number: 170 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: Sacred Garden, one year ago. A staff levitates high inside a purple force field while six Chinese men, the Zodiacs, keep the shield up. Some demons throw fireballs at the force field, and it does nothing. The lead demon steps out.] Lead Demon: Enough! Stop! (The force field falls. Dog steps forward.) Rooster: Each year you try, each year you fail. Wresting the staff from sacred hands is the goal of a fool, Novak. Dog: And we will always protect the eternal cycle. You should know that by now. 'Novak:' Expect to do that you have to be lucky every year. To get it, I only have to be lucky once. (Novak throws a fireball, hitting the banner in the back. He and the demons shimmer out.) [Scene: Manor, attic, present day. Piper is making a potion. Phoebe walks in carrying something.] 'Phoebe:' Or did I give this to you? I can't remember. (Piper picks up a book.) Hello…earth to Piper. (Piper sees her holding her TIVO.) Piper: Hey, that's my TIVO. You can't take that. Phoebe: I'm not…taking. I'm asking. And are you sure it's yours, because it has all my season passes on it. Piper: Whatever. Just take it. I don't have time to watch anything anyway except for SpongeBob. (She puts the book down and picks up another. Phoebe puts the TIVO down on the table.) Phoebe: Where are my beautiful nephews anyway? Piper: Dad is taking them to Marine Land. Phoebe: Really? Oh, that's great. Cool. Piper: No, it's not. I should be taking them to Marine Land. You know, their mother. Phoebe: Well, why aren't you? (Piper sighs.) Piper: Because I have to defrost my husband somehow. Phoebe: Right. Any leads? Piper: No, but I'm hoping to find some by magically divining for them, but it's not working. Phoebe: Well, what is it supposed to do? Piper: It's supposed to give me some sort of sign, pick up some magical chatter about what we're up against. Phoebe: Sounds like a stretch. Piper: Well, you know, you work with what you got. Phoebe: You know, maybe if you took a little break. Piper: No, I don't need a break. I need to find out who we're up against so we're prepared. Phoebe: Okay. Then I should help you. Piper: No, no, no. I don't want to drag you back into this. I want you to go to your new place and enjoy it and enjoy your new life. Phoebe: Yeah, but, Piper, I'm not... Piper: No buts! I have the same speech to Paige. This is not your burden to bear. It's mine. Phoebe: Yeah, but you can't do it by yourself. Piper: No. You're right, I can't. And when the battle to end all battles happens, I will call you. Now, this goes in your car. (Piper gives Phoebe the TIVO. She leaves. Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: Piper, wait! (There's a small explsin at the cauldron. A Chinese character is in the center.) Opening Credits [Scene: Phoebe's Loft. Phoebe hangs something on the bedroom wall. She admires it when the doorbell rings. She heads toward the door.] Phoebe: Coming! (She opens it to find Billie holding a potted plant.) Hi! 'Billie:' Housewarming gift! (Phoebe takes the plant.) Phoebe: Oh, Billie, you're such a sweetie. Billie: Oh, look at you. Styling in the city. Can you believe it? Phoebe: Actually, I can't. (She closes the door.) It's so amazing. I keep knocking on the bathroom door just out of habit. (Billie sits on the couch. Phoebe puts the plant on the coffee table.) Billie: Yeah, but you must love it. Phoebe: I haven't been in here long enough to love it, but I will. Even though I'll miss my sisters…and my nephews. Billie: Yeah, but not the demons. Phoebe: They'll find me here. Trust me. Speaking of which, how's the search going? Billie: Ah, it's not really going. I had a little bit of a brain freeze, so I just wanted to let it go for a bit. Do you want to go to the movies? Phoebe: I would love to, but I need to stay here, settle in, unpack, maybe meet the neighbors. (She picks up and hugs a throw pillow.) Just get used to being alone. Billie: Yeah, I know what you mean. (She doesn't move.) Phoebe: Okay. Hey, do you know anything about magically divining? Billie: Are you kidding? Tons, why? Phoebe: Well, Piper is trying to do it, but hasn't been successful for her and she thinks it's the key to finding Leo. So, I don't know, maybe you could help her? Billie: Oh, yeah, totally. I could help her. Phoebe: Now? Billie: Oh…oh, yeah, okay. (She gets up.) Phoebe: Great. Billie: All right. Phoebe: That's so sweet. She'll really appreciate it. Thanks. Thanks for the plant. Bye. Stop by anytime. (Billie leaves and Phoebe closes the door. Paige orbs in. Phoebe gasps.) Paige, you scared me. 'Paige:' Well, you told me I could stop by anytime. Phoebe: Yeah. I meant like a normal person. You know, knock first. (Paige orbs out. Phoebe groans.) Oh, Paige, don't be like that. (There's a knock on the door. Phoebe opens it to find Paige.) Paige: Is that better? Phoebe: Much. Thank you. (Paige steps in.) Paige: Okay, here's my thing. All right? Uh, I'm just completely freaking out about this whole magic thing. Phoebe: Freaking out how? Paige: I told him, you know, about the whole big secret thing thinking it would bring us closer, and it's kind of pushing us father apart. Phoebe: He's probably just overwhelmed, you know? Paige: Yeah, I'm sure he is. He keeps asking me all these questions, and they're valid questions, you know. Why aren't we using our powers to bring about world peace or end poverty or famine? He's not getting that it's not that easy. Phoebe: Well, just be patient with him. And maybe try not to explain it from a magical perspective. You know, try to use terms that he understands. You know, keep it simple. Paige: Hmm…I think I might do that. Thank you. Can I orb? Phoebe: Yes, please. (Paige orbs out. Phoebe takes a deep breath.) Oh…free at last. (The doorbell rings.) Now what? (She opens it to find a cute guy.) Cute Guy: Hi, uh, I just wanted to RSVP for the housewarming party. (Phoebe smiles.) [Scene: Magic School, Great Hall. Demons carry in a large crypt. They put it down and slide off the top. Inside is Novak.] 'Demon1:' It's time. (Novak opens his eyes and shimmers to a sofa, sitting down and putting his feet up.) 'Novak:' Where am I? 'Demon1:' Magic School. Demons control it now. Much has changed in a year, Novak. 'Novak:' When's the ceremony? (Novak stands up.) 'Demon1:' Tonight. But after decades of trying, this time you'll finally be able to wrest control of the staff from the zodiacs. Novak: I better. I tire of conserving my strength for this one chance every year. Are you tracking Rooster? 'Demon1:' No. Lo Pan. Novak: You're supposed to be following the zodiac before he hands it off. Not some lowly servant. 'Demon1:' But that servant is responsible for where the hand-off occurs. He alone knows the location of the sacred garden. Rooster will be the first to arrive. And when he does, we'll be waiting for him. (Novak smiles.) [Scene: Manor, attic. Billie is making potions by an open Book of Shadows as Piper enters.] Piper: Billie, what are you doing up here? Billie: Oh. Helping you out. Phoebe sent me. You know, I went over to her new place, and she just wanted to be alone, and I was just getting all in there, putting my feet on everything, wanting to hang out, but she sent me here. Piper: Whoa…tangent. Don't you have your own demons to slay? Billie: Yeah, but I'm kind of tired of my obsession, so I thought I would join in on yours. You know, misery loves company. Piper: Mm-hmm. So, what are you doing? Billie: I'm grinding up payatha root. You know, I don't think you used enough. Divinations can be very, very temperamental. You have to use just the right amount if you want to catch any cosmic signals. Piper: You know, you're getting pretty good at this. Billie: Well, I had good teachers. All right. Let's see if you missed any signs. Stand back. (They do. She tosses in something. A cloud of white smoke poofs from it, as there is a second explsin. There's a burning Chinese character inside.) Bingo. [Scene: Dry cleaners. The Chinese symbol is on the window. Piper and Billie look at it.] Piper: Are you sure this is right? Billie: I backtracked the sign all the way to here, but I was thinking more of a Buddhist temple, not some same-day laundry. Piper: Maybe we should just forget it. (Billie takes her arm and pulls her inside.) Billie: No, we were brought here. Come on, Piper. The sign brought us for a reason. Piper: Listen. I'm supposed to be the mature and wise one, so knock it off. (Billie hits the bell on the counter. A Chinese man in the back puts a package down and comes over to them.) 'Chinese Man:' May I help you? You're here for pick-up? Piper: Uh, no. Actually, we were just admiring your sign out front. Chinese Man: Oh, the eternal cycle. It represents the sacred chain of life. Have you seen it before? Piper: That's why we're here. Chinese Man: I see. So, you have an interest in signs? Piper: Yeah. Gemini, Libra, Leo. Chinese Man: Uh, are you sure you don't mean monkey, rooster, or tiger, like your friend here? Billie: Excuse me? Piper: Chinese zodiac, right? Chinese Man: You've answered my call, and not a moment too soon. Piper: Uh, no. I think we've got our wires crossed somehow, ‘cuz, I'm just looking to save a husband. Chinese Man: And now you're here to help save us all. (There's a noise from the back.) But you must hurry now or all will be lost. (He goes into the back. Piper and Billie follow him. He stops as another explsin is heard. He then steps into a wall hanging and vanishes.) Billie: Whoa, what was that? Piper: Forget it, Jenkins. It's Chinatown. (She takes Billie's hand and they step into the wall hanging. They follow the Chinese Man and find one of the Zodiacs being attcked by a group of demons. He's ht by an energy ball and falls into the pond. Novak heads for the staff the Zodiac was holding.) Chinese Man: Don't let him get the staff! (Billie telekinetically moves the staff away.) Billie: (to Piper) Your turn. (Piper blasts him. Novak shimmers out with his demons. Chinese Man rushes over to check on the Zodiac. He kneels down, but the Zodiac turns into white light, then vanishes.) Chinese Man: This has never happened before. A zodiac dying. (to Piper) It's now on you to protect the staff. (Piper raises her eyebrows.) Commercial Break [Scene: Sacred Garden.] Piper: Look, really, Mister, no offense, but I'm just trying to save my husband. Not some stick. (Chinese Man stands up.) Chinese Man: This is not a stick. It is Buddha's mystical staff. And it must be passed to the next zodiac at the New Year or the eternal cycle ends. Billie: All right. Before we ht exposition city here, what's with the laundry on the outside and then, this crazy green place on the inside? Chinese Man: This sacred garden has served for centuries as the sanctuary for the ceremonial passing of the staff. It has been my family's honor to find a place for its existence each and every year. Piper: So, it's just my luck that a demon tries to take it this year? Chinese Man: Not just this year. He's been trying for many years, when it is vulnerable as it is now. That is why I sent out the call for help. And that is why you came. Piper: No, really, seriously, I was looking for something totally different. (He smiles.) Chinese Man: You must be a buffalo. Piper: Excuse me? Billie: I think he's talking about your sign. Piper: Hang on a second. She gets a tiger and I'm some stinking buffalo? (He walks over to the staff, hanging in mid-air.) Chinese Man: If you know the zodiacs, you know we do not choose who we are born to. Each influences us with different gifts to keep the eternal cycle ends. And it won't be the zodiacs who influence, but evil instead. Not a world your husband would want to be saved for, I trust. Piper: All right. What would you like us to do? Chinese Man: Protect the staff until it is passed to the new zodiac. But you must be of clear mind so as not to unduly influence those around you with your personality. (Billie scoffs.) Billie: I'm sorry. I'm just imagining a lot of obsessing. Piper: Uh-huh. That's cute. That's very cute. Chinese Man: You must leave before they come back. Use all of your power to protect it if you have to. Billie: Maybe you should call Paige and Phoebe. Piper: You better believe it. Do you know anything about this demon? Chinese Man: No, but I have a record of his past attcks. Billie: Well, I could look at them, maybe figure something out. Chinese Man: Perhaps you'll find out something about yourself along the way, Billie. Billie: How do you know my name? Chinese Man: This is a magical place, one where questions will have answers. If you're open to it. You'll see. (Piper chuckles.) Piper: So, when does this ceremony begin? Chinese Man: At midnight. (The hourglass has the falling sand.) Piper: Naturally. (She grabs the staff.) [Scene: Magic School, Great Hall.] 'Demon1:' The staff is lost. We have no choice but to wait another year. Novak: We're not waiting. Why should we? Demon1: Because the witches… Novak: Merely delayed the inevitable. After all, progress has been made. Unprecedented progress. A zodiac is dad which means they as a whole are weakened. And the staff is out of sacred hands for the first time ever. Demon1: Still, now they know we're coming. Novak: They always know we're coming. You underestimated Lo Pan. Do not…underestimate me. Demon1: With all due respect, the servant won't keep the staff in the garden now. Not until the hand-off. We'll never find it in time. Novak: We won't have to. The zodiacs will find it for us. We'll let it be know what's happened – what Lo Pan's done. They'll come out of hiding to get their precious staff back. Trust me. Demon1: So, then all we have to do is track them. Novak: See? Progress. [Scene: Manor, conservatory. Paige leads Henry in.] Paige: All right, Henry, I have to say I've been doing some thing. 'Henry:' About what? Paige: Well, here's the deal. I have a plan…you know, for us. Henry: I thought we were doing pretty well. Paige: Yeah, definitely, except for, you know, when the M word kind of comes up. Things start getting a little bit, uh... Henry: Weird. Paige: Yeah, exactly. But everything else is obviously going well. You're even finishing my sentences. But, um… (She sees the kids toys.) Uh! Okay, step into my office. Have a seat. (He points down.) Henry: On this? Paige: Yes. You can fit. I'm pretty sure. (She sits in the child's chair next to him in front of an easel. She takes a pen and flips a sheet of paper.) Henry: Barely. Paige: Okay... stay with me here. You deal with criminals. (She draws a stick figure with a gn.) Okay? Drug dealers, burglars, mrder. (She draws another figure using magic.) Me? I deal with demons. Kazis, creepers, gremlocks. I could go on and on. But the point is, we're very similar. Criminals bad, demons bad. Henry: Is it snack time yet, Miss Matthews? Paige: Henry. Henry: Look, I know what you're trying to say, okay? But, what I don't understand is if you have all these powers, why you don't use them. Paige: I do use them. Henry: No, no, no. Not on demons. I'm talking about hunger. I'm talking about the poor, the homeless. My criminals, my bad guys. Paige: It's really, actually, not that simple. Henry: But why? Who says? I'm not trying to make you feel bad, okay? I don't understand. If there's magic in the world, why you don't use it to just save the world. (His phone rings. He checks the idea and Paige rolls her eyes.) (to Paige) This is the second one. I have to take this. We'll figure it out later. (Henry stands up, kisses her on the forehead and steps away.) Paige: Yeah…that went swimmingly. Henry: Yeah. This is Henry... (Piper enters with the staff.) Piper: Paige, great, you're here. (She sees the drawing. The staff glows behind her back, infusing Paige.) What's this? (Paige stands.) Paige: The answer to my problems. Piper: Well, we have bigger problems, trust me. Buddha's staff—the demons want it, we need the Book. Paige: Sorry. No can do. I have to help Henry. Piper: No, no, no. Hang on a second. Whoa. I thought the words Buddha and demons would give you the hint that I need your help. (Paige shakes her head.) Paige: No, not really. Bye. I have to help Henry now. (She leaves.) Piper: But—but—what... (To staff) What are you looking at? (The front door closes.) [Cut to Sacred Garden. Billie goes through papers. Chinese Man comes over with a tea tray.] Chinese Man: Any luck? Billie: Are you kidding? I can't make sense of any of this stuff. Chinese Man: That's because you're using your eyes and not your powers. Billie: How can telekinesis help me? Chinese Man: I'm talking about your other power. The one you have yet to master. The one you need to master if you truly want answers. Billie: Answers? You mean to help me find the demon? Chinese Man: And to finding your sister. I told you this place was magical. Billie: Yeah, and a little creepy. (He chuckles and sets the tray down.) Chinese Man: We are all led to where we need to be, Billie. And so you have been led here. But before you can help the eternal cycle, you must help yourself. Billie: Okay, so what can you tell me about Christy? Chinese Man: I can tell you nothing. Only Christy can tell you about Christy. And only you have the power to seek those answers. Billie: But I can't even control my projection power. I haven't even used it since I knew I had it. The sisters think it's way too dangerous. Chinese Man: When used out of control, yes. Billie: So? Can you help me control it? (Chinese Man nods and holds out his hand.) Chinese Man: Come. (He helps her up and takes her to a dying tree.) That pejing tree is a simple living creatures within the world surrounding us. And like all things, it follows a cycle. And it's nearing its end. But you have the power to see its cycle at the beginning again. To project what you will upon it. Focus on the tree, Billie. Reach within yourself, to your power. (Billie closes her eyes.) See what you want to see. (The tree becomes young again. He smiles.) Look. (Billie opens her eyes and gasps.) Billie: I did that? Chinese Man: And you can do more than that. You can see your sister. [Scene: Manor. Piper comes downstairs and looks around.] Piper: Hello? (She starts to go back upstairs.) Voice: The staff belongs to us. (Dog, a Zodiac, stands at the foot of the stairs.) Piper: And you would be? Dog: We are the zodiacs. Piper: We? (The other four Zodiacs appear. Piper clears her throat. Dog holds out his hands.) Dog: The staff... for your life. Commercial Break [Scene: Manor, stairs; continue from before.] Dog: The staff. Piper: Okay, look. There's nothing I'd love better than to get rid of this thing, but... (Dog launches himself at her in wind and smoke. Piper steps back and sings the staff like a bat, knocking him to the floor.) Dog: kll her! (Piper tries blasting them, but they have a force shield up. She stops.) Piper: Yeah, that's ugly. Okay, hang on. (Dog stands up and force shield disintegrates.) There's no need to fight. How would you guys like your staff in pieces? One for each of you? Dog: Maybe we should just…talk about this. Piper: Talk fast. [Scene: Sacred Garden. Billie sits under the pavilion and crosses her legs.] Billie: Can't I just sit in a chair? Chinese Man: Stop resisting. Just relax. Now, what happened the first time you tried to use this new power of yours? Billie: Hmm. Well, I turned my parents into assassins. Chinese Man: Oh... I see. All the more reason to focus completely on what you wish to project this time, what you truly wish to find. Billie: After fifteen years, I want to find my big sister. Chinese Man: That's practical, not emotional. (He moves closer.) That's not how your power works. Think, deep down... what is it that you truly want? Billie: I want to see Christy. I want to know what she's been going through all these years. Chinese Man: All right. Then concentrate on that. (Billie closes her eyes.) Allow the world that surrounds you to disappear. Allow time to be nothing but an idea. Billie: Don't bend the spoon – Imagine there is no spoon? (He clears his throat.) Sorry. Chinese Man: Think of only Christy…of seeing her again…of where she went… (Billie rubs her head.) Of understanding. (She puts her hands down and concentrates.) Let your power take you where you need to go. Now. (Billie appears in a cave cell. There's a door and a small bared window behind her. She opens her eyes and stands up.) Billie: Lo Pan? Where are you? What is going on? (She goes over to the door and sees the signs and characters on it.) Lo Pan! (She hears something behind her.) Who's there? (A figure steps out. It's a dirty girl dressed in rags.) Christy, is that you? (The girl cringes and steps back.) It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. (The girl steps forward.) Unbelievable. [Cut to Manor, conservatory.] Dog: We do not wish to harm you. We thought you had stolen the sacred staff. Piper: Don't you guys talk to each other? Lo Pan? The guy that gave me this to protect. Dog: Lo Pan is just a servant. He only speaks when spoken to. Piper: Well, maybe you should speak to him more often, considering he seems to know more about this than you do. Dog: He should have hidden the sacred garden better from the demons. Piper: Maybe so. But if he hadn't anticipated the attck, I wouldn't be holding this right now, would I? Dog: Point taken. Piper: So, I take it you guys heard about Chicken. (Dog closes his eyes.) Dog: Rooster. And, yes, we sensed it. That's why we were so afraid the staff had been stolen. The moment it was out of his hands we began tracking it... to you. Piper: Okay. Well, would you like it back? (She hands him the staff. He steps back.) Dog: No. It is forbidden until the new year. I am Dog. Next in line for the staff. Piper: Okay, so, can't one of your other zodiacs hold it for you until then? Dog: No. It would upset the eternal cycle, change the balance of all things. Piper: Great. What would you like me to do with it? (Novak enters behind Piper with his demons.) Novak: I'll take it. Piper: Oh, no... you again. Novak: Yep. Me again. (He throws a fireball at them as Dog grabs Piper and turns her. He turns into the wind and vanishes with her. Fireballs are hurled at the other Zodiacs force shield. Dog and Piper appear on the porch as the fight continues inside.) Dog: Go! You must protect the staff! Piper: What about my house? Dog: Only the staff matters. Go! (He goes back inside.) Piper: Paige! [Cut to Golden Gate Bridge. Paige orbs on the top tower with Henry.] Paige: Well, last stop on our orbing world tour, Golden Gate Bridge. Bet, you've never see it from this angle, huh? Henry: Are you nuts? W-w-what are we doing here now? Paige: Well, you have some questions, I'm trying to facilitate some answers. Henry: How? Paige: I told you about the Elders, right? And if I call them down here, they can maybe explain this whole thing a little more in-depth. Henry: Just slow down a little, okay, because my head's still spinning. Paige: I'm just trying to help you understand the whole shebang that goes along with me, right? And I just figured what better way than orb you all around the world, to really see things first-hand. Henry: I don't know what's gotten into you. (Paige's phone rings.) Paige: Oh, hold that thought. (to phone) Hello? (She walks to the tower and leans against it.) Piper: Paige, where are you? I need help. Paige: (to phone) At the moment, Henry needs my help more. [Intercut to Piper. She is driving and on the phone.] Piper: (to phone) Would you forget about Henry for one second. This is bad. Paige: Really? How bad? Piper: Things stop spinning bad. If the demon gets the staff, the eternal cycle ends, something, and the world turns evil. I don't know. (The staff hovers behind her. Piper tries to elbow it down.) Paige: Hmm…world turning evil or my relationship ending? (Henry lingers close to the edge.) That's kind of a tough choice. Piper: Tough choice? What the hell is the matter with you? Paige: Well, nothing is the matter with me. I'm just really focused on Henry. (Henry steps closer to the edge.) Piper: When did you become so obsessive? That is my deal. Paige: I guess it is. But maybe I learned from the best, big sis. (A wind blows and Henry falls off, screaming.) Oh, my goodness! Henry just fell off the bridge. I'm going to have to call you back. (She closes the phone and orbs away.) Piper: (to phone) No, no, no, I need you to meet… (She closes her phone. The staff hovers in the backseat.) Great…that's just…that's great. Great. Don't make me come back there! (The staff's head turns and grins.) [Cut to Paige. She orbs in with Henry, who's shivering.] Paige: You okay? (Henry nods.) Where were we? Such a great view. You should really try enjoying it more. (Henry nods.) [Scene: Phoebe's Loft, living room. Phoebe is having a party. She grabs a bottle and refills some glasses.] Phoebe: Anyone need a refill? (She fills guests' glasses.) You okay? Enjoying yourselves? Okay, good. (A couple of girls are giggling.) Ooh, I hear laughter. That's good. Laughter means happy people. (She refills their glasses.) There you go. (She puts the bottle down and backs away –bumping into a cute guy.) I'm so sorry. Cute Guy: That's all right. It's really nice of you to put this together for everyone. Phoebe: Yeah. I just wanted to meet all my neighbors. I'm so happy to be living here, you have no idea. Really. It's like I'm free. Cute Guy: I can tell. I'm glad you're living here, too. Phoebe: Oh. (The doorbell rings.) Oh, excuse me. (She opens the door. Piper is there.) Hi, Piper. (Piper smiles.) I wasn't expecting you here. (Piper pulls Phoebe into the hallway.) Piper: (to the party) Hey, how you all doing? Be right back. (Behind her back, the staff glows and infuses Phoebe.) Listen, we have a problem, one you'll help with whether you like it or not. Phoebe: Wait, no. Piper, I can't. I have to focus on my party. Piper: Are you kidding me? Listen. I'm tired of babysitting this thing by myself. It is your turn. (Piper holds it out. Phoebe rolls her eyes and takes it. The staff glows and infuses Piper.) Phoebe: What just happened? Piper: What am I doing here? I should be at Marine World with my kids. (Piper begins to leave.) Phoebe: Piper…what would you like me to do with this? (The staff glows again.) Piper: Screw it! I'm free. Partyer: It's party time, everybody! (The music turns up. Phoebe sees that her guests have gone wild. Phoebe smiles and nods.) [Scene: Manor, living room. Paige orbs in to find the house trashed.] Paige: Piper, what the... (Novak and the demons run by, knocking Paige down. They shimmer out. The zodiacs chase them, vanishing in the wind. Paige rubs her neck.) Commercial Break [Scene: Manor, living room. Phoebe comes in through the front door, with the staff covered in a cloth.] Phoebe: Uh-oh. (She closes the door.) Paige! (Paige groans.) Paige: Oh, yeah... (Phoebe helps her up.) Phoebe: Honey, are you okay? What happened? Paige: Well, I don't understand. Why don't the demons just move in here since they're here all the time, anyway? Phoebe: Where's Piper? Paige: I don't know. I came here looking for her, and I got knocked down. Phoebe: Did you see what they look like? Paige: Your average tackily dressed demons. There were some other guys with red gown robie things. Phoebe: They must be after the staff. Paige: What staff? Phoebe: No, don't touch it! It's covered for a reason. It has a crazy effect on people. Paige: Maybe that's what was making me so crazy and obsessed with Henry. Phoebe: Well, yeah, but the question is, why aren't you now? (Paige shrugs.) Paige: Maybe it wore off. Maybe those guys knocked it out of me. (Phoebe sighs.) Phoebe: We have to find Piper. (She picks up the phone and begins calling.) [Scene: Underworld, cave cell. Billie and Christy sit on the floor.] Christy: I hear them outside, whispering, but I don't understand what they're saying. I never understand what they're saying. Then they stop for awhile. Sometimes for a long time. But then they start again. I don't know what they want. Billie: It's okay. It's okay. Look, I'm here now, okay? Christy: I still don't understand how. Billie: Yeah, that makes two of us. All I know is I'm supposed to be with you now and try to figure this out so I can get you out of here. (Christy shakes her head.) Christy: No, they won't let us. They won't let us. Billie: Have you tried using your powers? Christy: Powers? What do you mean? Billie: You know, your powers…magic. (Christy shakes her head.) Christy, you're a witch, just like me. You must have some powers. That—wait…Powers. That must be what they want from you. (She finds an amulet on the floor behind Christy.) Where did you get this? Christy: They gave it to me. They all wear it. Billie: The symbol from your diary. (Whispering comes from outside. They get to their feet. Christy clutches Billie's arm.) Christy: It's them! I want to go home! Please take me home. Billie: Lo Pan? (Christy lets go and backs up.) Christy: Hurry, Billie. Billie: Lo Pan! Get us out of here now! (The cave changes back into a garden.) Lo Pan? Lo Pan: I'm right here. Billie: Well, where is she? Where's Christy? She—she was right there. Lo Pan: Where? Billie: Locked away alone in a cave! Why couldn't I save her? Lo Pan: You didn't go there to save her. You went there to see her, to understand. Billie: But I don't understand. I don't understand at all. She was a kid, barely older than when she was taken. Lo Pan: She was vulnerable and open to you. That's why your power took you to that time. Before she changed. Surely you received something from that journey, did you not? Billie: Well, they're after her powers, powers she doesn't even know she has yet. Lo Pan: You can't save her from her past. No one can. But perhaps you can save her now, after you help save us. [Scene: Street. Piper is on the side, fixing her tire. She's on the phone.] Piper: (to phone) No, sweetie, mommy's okay, she just got a flat tire. I'll be there as soon as I can. (Novak appears.) No, no, no, no—wait for me. I want to see the penguins with you. Really, okay. I'll be there in thirty minutes. Novak: I doubt that. (Piper hangs up.) [Scene: Manor, conservatory. Paige walks in as Phoebe hangs up.] Phoebe: Okay, dad said she just called. Paige: So she's all right. Phoebe: Not necessarily. The phone went dad. Paige: Maybe it's just a bad reception? Phoebe: I think we should try the "to call a lost witch" spell. Paige: It won't work unless she's actually lost. She could be just spending time with the boys, which would be a good thing, right? Phoebe: Until the world turns evil. Novak: Which you're about to help me with. (He comes in with Piper and the staff. He pushes her to her sisters, then uncovers the staff and infuses his evil into them.) Now, let's go and do something you'll regret later. Commercial Break [Scene: Manor, attic, conservatory. Continue from before.] Novak: Well, this just might be worth all those years of waiting. The Charmed Ones…under my rule. Imagine the possibilities. Maybe I'll keep you around for awhile, after you complete the task at hand. Phoebe: kll Dog? Novak: No, no, no—I don't want to destroy one zodiac. I want to destroy them all, so they can never take this away from me again. Paige: What do you want us to do? Novak: Ah, eager to please. I like that. You're going to kll Lo Pan. Piper: Lo Pan? The servant? Novak: He's much more than just that. Though the zodiacs all but dismiss him, he's more important than they give him credit for. In fact, he's the key to continuing the eternal cycle. He protects the sacred garden. Without it, they're nothing. Phoebe: Then what? Novak: Then…the year of evil beings. [Scene: Sacred Garden. The sisters enter.] Phoebe: Where is he? Piper: He should be here. (Billie and Lo Pan step out from behind the rocks.) Billie: Hey, what are you guys doing here? Piper: Looking for him. Billie: Lo Pan? Why? The demons are coming. We have to… Hey, where's the staff? (The sisters get closer.) What are you guys doing? Paige: Making our new year's resolutions. (Lo Pan pushes Billie down as Piper tries to blow them up.) Lo Pan: Get down! (The banner sign blows up. Billie and Lo Pan cover behind a rock.) Phoebe: You missed. Lo Pan: Evil influences them. That means the demon has the staff. Billie: Oh, that's just great. What do we do? Lo Pan: We do nothing. You learned to control your power for this moment. Billie: Are you crazy? I'm not going up against them! Lo Pan: You have to if you want to save your sister. Focus. Project what you wish. (Billie stands up.) Piper: Billie, we don't want to hurt you. Paige: Sure we do. Boulder! (She orbs a rock to Billie, but she sends it back to Paige, missing her.) Phoebe: kll her. (Billie puts her fingers to her head. There's a glow around the sisters' heads.) Piper: What just happened? What are we doing here? Billie: Oh, no big deal. You guys were just trying to kll me, but I changed your minds. (She and Piper smile.) [Cut to Magic School, Great Hall. Demon1 paces. Novak fingers the head of the staff.] Demon1: I don't like it. We should've k*lled Lo Pan ourselves. Novak: Too many years of failed attempts have turned you cynical, my friend. You've got to learn to think more positively now that evil's finally taken over the world. Sad, really. Now what do we do? (The staff orbs out. The sisters and Billie enter as the staff orbs into Paige's cloth she's holding.) Paige: Well, I wish I had a pithy retort, but you're really not worth it. Demon1: You were saying? Phoebe: Now. (Paige lifts the staff and they take hold. Billie closes her eyes. The staff glows. The demons are vanquished. They let go of the staff.) (to Paige) Quick, cover it up. (Paige covers it with Piper.) Piper: (to Billie) Uh, do me a favor…and be careful what you wish for, especially around the boys. Billie: Uh, yeah, well, I haven't exactly mastered it anyway, so... Paige: I think that would be her point. Piper: Well, it's almost midnight, so we should get this thing back before it's too late. Paige: Ooh. I really can't. I've got to go apologize to my boyfriend. (She leaves. Phoebe follows.) Phoebe: I have to explain to the neighbors. Billie: Yeah. And I have a sister to scry for. (She shows them the amulet and leaves. Piper smiles and shakes her head.) [Scene: Sacred Garden. Piper enters. Lo Pan is dressed in red robes. He sees Piper and smiles.] Piper: What's going on? What happened to you? Lo Pan: It seems that I have been... elevated. I am now Rooster. The staff, if you please. Piper: Oh, gladly. (She uncovers the staff and hands it to him.) Lo Pan: You received the sign for a reason. And not just to help perpetuate the cycle, but to help the both of us as well. Piper: How exactly was I help? Lo Pan: You've shown that patience can be rewarded for me and for you. Leo will come back only if he's meant to. And only when it's time. Not before. (He and Piper bow. He takes the staff back to the other zodiacs.) [Scene: Golden Gate Bridge. Paige orbs Henry to the top.] Paige: Funny, I figured after last time, this would be the last place you'd want to come back to. Henry: Yeah, I did have to think about it. I mean, not about us, but…The magic. Paige: And? (Henry sighs.) Henry: And after everything that you did today, I mean, not just this, but the whole eternal cycle deal, I get it. Paige: This isn't, um, freaking you out? You're not mad at me? Henry: I was never mad at you. Or freaked out. I was – Well, I got a little freaked out when those wild pygmies were chasing us back then. Paige: That was an accidental orb. Henry: That's okay. It helped me see the bigger picture. You, uh, use your powers to make the world a better place. How could I have a problem with that? I think it's amazing. Paige: You do? Henry: And I think I'm falling in love with you. Paige: I think I'm falling in love with you, too. (He takes her hand.) [Scene: Underworld, cave cell. The door opens and Billie walks in.] Billie: Christy?	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x14 - 12 Angry Zen"}	foreverdreaming
Piper: No, they-the cocktail napkins were delivered here for some insane reason, ok? So be outside in 20 minutes. I'm gonna do a drive-by, all right? [Sigh] Please let me have my keys! Billie: They're on the counter. Um, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. Piper: That's ok. I'm just a little frazzled. I've gotta check on Chris, and then I gotta get to the store, and then I gotta go and pick up Wyatt early and make cookies for his Valentine's Day party, and then I gotta take these to p-3. [Sighs] All of which pales in comparison to what you're going through. Billie: No, you know, life goes on. I'm just happy to have Christy back, I guess. Piper: But...? Billie: But she hasn't even said anything. I mean, I-I told her I wanted to call Mom and Dad, and closed up even more. Piper: Well, you know, it's only been a couple days. Billie: I know, but what if I never get through to her? Piper: You will. I mean, you just have to be patient. She's been through something none of us can even imagine, so, I mean, the only thing you can really do is just be there for her. And if you need anything we are just a call or an orb away, ok? Sayonara. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Knock knock. Hey, I brought you some breakfast. Christy? Christy. Christy? Christy, it's ok. You're safe now. You're gonna be ok. Christy: [Sniffling] They're coming. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: Well, I guess we figured, you know, they'd try to get Christy back sooner or later. Phoebe: Yeah, I just wish it was later rather than sooner. Give the girl time to heal. Paige: I just wish we knew who they were, and why they're coming. Phoebe: And why they want her back. Billie: Well, it doesn't matter because they won't be getting her back. Phoebe: That's why we're here, sweetie. How is she? Billie: Very scared. Paige: Well, has she said anything? You know, who these demons might be, when they're coming? Billie: No, nothing. Paige: Ok, well, we need to try to come up with some sort of game plan, don't you think? Billie: Yeah, but we don't know anything. I mean, we don't know where they've been keeping her this whole time. Phoebe: Which is why we have to find out what she knows, get her to open up. Billie: I just think it's too much for her right now. Phoebe: Look, if they held her cptive for 15 years, she must know something, at least be able to I.D. them. Billie: I just don't want to pressure her right now. Paige: Well, sweetheart, she's already under pressure because she knows that they're coming. Phoebe: Do you think they're contacting her? Paige: Well, maybe. Then again, maybe she's got some sort of telepathic thing going on. It would actually kind of figure that she'd have powers, right? I mean, maybe that could be why they wanted her in the first place. Phoebe: And why they want her back. You have to talk to her. Billie: I just don't think she's ready for that. Phoebe: Look, if it's coming from you, she'll be ok. She's your sister. There's no stronger bond than that. Trust us. Billie: Uhh, all right. I'll try. Phoebe: Ok, I'm gonna whip up a quick potion, and you go to the book and make a list of all the telepathic demons, ok? Paige: Oh, you're in a hurry. Phoebe: Yeah, well, I got a new condo to enjoy. Paige: Lamp! Simon: [English accent] Excuse me, but I don't think you recognize my entrance. Fear not, ladies. I'm one of the good guys. The best, actually, so... oh, yes, the legendary manor where generations of Halliwells have blossomed into witches. Paige: Who are you, and what do you want? Simon: Of course. Ladies, I am Simon Theotus Reginald Marx, and I'm here to take Paige Matthews as my wife. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scather guard: Aah! [Groans] Dreylock: We've been at this for 2 days. If you want your suffering to end, you will tell me who took the witch. Scather guard: I don't know. I swear! Dreylock: Come on. You were in on it. Why else would you leave your post? Scather guard: I told you. I was called away. Please, you've gotta believe me! Dreylock: Do you think they'll believe you? they, who could decimate our entire clan on a whim? They chose us to watch over her, to break her down, and in return, we'd share in the ultimate power for which she is the key. If we don't get her back, we're all dad. Scather demon: I've questioned all of the scathers. No one called him away. Dreylock: Last chance. Who are you working for? Scather demon: He may not even know. He may have been tricked perhaps, telepathically. The witch has answered to unseen voices before. We've seen it. Dreylock: If so, he's a liability. He's been breached. Scather guard: Aah! Dreylock: Gather the witch's things. We'll find her another way. Scather demon: We cannot use dark magic. They may sense it. They'll know something has gone wrong. We cannot risk it. Dreylock: We have to risk it! We must find out who took the witch if we are to survive. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simon: I know all about The Charmed Ones. I, uh...I grew up on the stories of the Warren line of witches. Grams and her many, many lovers, and, or course, Patricia's trysts with her whitelighter. Goodness, you're a randy bunch. Paige: Is there some sort of magical Enquirer I've not heard of? Phoebe: Wow! Our families worked together during the Salem witch trials? That is so cool. Well, you know, I'm just sayin', he checks out. Simon: Well, you know, I am a descendant of the mighty Marx, which is a very powerful, very noble line of witches. To be honest with you, I'm a little surprised you don't know who I am, but, oh, my goodness, you're fetching. Phoebe: Oh, that's so sweet. [Laughing] Simon: But you're not half whitelighter, which is a requisite for my future mate, so sorry to disappoint you. But you, on the other hand-- Paige: Uh, did you just say "future mate"? Simon: No, no, that was-- that was-- it came out wrong. Apologies. Paige: Ok, here's the deal. We're actually super, super busy it'd be fabulous if you could just orb yourself off now. Simon: Well, I'll ignore that. But, Paige, I'm not leaving without you. After all, we are destined to be wed. Phoebe: Ok, who says? Simon: Well, only 40 of the most powerful oracles and soothsayers from around the globe, plus a wizard or two, so... Phoebe: Oh. Simon: When you think about it, Paige, it makes all the sense in the world, bringing our 2 magical lines together. We would be the ultimate power couple. Paige: Ok, uh, we're not gonna be bringing our lines or bringing anything together for that matter, ok? Simon: Why not? Paige: Because I don't want to! And because I have a boyfriend. Simon: A boyfriend? Hmm, I see. And who is he? A witch? A whitelighter? Paige: His name is Henry, and he is a parole officer by trade and he is a mortal. Simon: Ooh! An immortal no less. Very impressive. Paige: No! Not immortal. A mortal, as in non-magical? Simon: Oh. Well, what would you expect? That makes absolutely no sense to me at all. Having a...having a mortal around whilst you're fighting evil is, well, let's face it, irresponsible. Paige: Ok, uh, you need to go now. Unless you want to stay and help us vanquish some demons. Simon: Of course, ma'am. Having a powerful witch around like myself can only be an asset. Tell me, how does Harry fare in a magical battle? Paige: Hen-ry! And he fares just fine in whatever he wants to fare in. Simon: I'll be honest with you. I'm a little surprised you're not taking to this. You know, me? I mean, imagine, if you will, the evil we could vanquish as a couple. Paige: We are not now, nor will we ever be, a couple! Simon: Well, that did not go too well. Piper! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simon: May I be of some assistance? Bags. Piper: Are you crazy? What if somebody saw that? Simon: Well, what if somebody were to see you shopping, a witch of your standing? No, no. After all, there are people for things like that. Piper: Heh. Who are you? Simon: I am Simon Theotus Reginald Marx. Of the Marx line of witches? It's a very noble, very...never mind. Moving on. First of all, I'm here to state my case. Piper: Great. Well, I don't have time for that 'cause I have to go pick up my son, so... again with the magic. Simon: Piper, I'm here to appeal to you, you being the practical Charmed One. Now listen to me. It is my destiny to marry your sister Paige. Piper: Oh, for god's sake. Simon: 40 of the most powerful oracles and soothsayers from around the globe have predicted it, plus a wizard or two. Piper: Good luck with that. Simon: According to your sister, a demon could be attacking at this very moment. And I want you to know that I am fantastic at vanquishing demons. Piper: Well, that's great, but we can handle our own demons, ok? Simon: You'll see. It is my fate to be with Paige. [Crash] Piper: [Gasp] Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god! Oh, I'm so sorry. I wasn't even looking... Greg: It's ok, don't worry about it. Piper: Greg. Greg: Piper. Piper: Hi. Oh, my god. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Look, Christy, you're safe now. I promise I am going to keep you safe, but I need your help to do that. Do you know who they are? Who's coming? Do you hear them like voices? Yeah? That's good. That's really good. What'd they say? What did they want? You know, it's ok. You know, we can talk about it later. Don't worry. It's ok. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: I mean, who's this guy think he is? He just shows up and announces that we're destined to be together? Phoebe: Well, according to 40 oracles and a soothsayer, your future husband. Paige: That is really not funny. Phoebe: I'm sorry. How's the list coming? Paige: Well, I have a dozen that have telepathic powers. Phoebe: Well, hopefully, Billie can convince Christy to narrow it down for us a little bit. [Doorbell rings] Phoebe: Who's here? Paige: Rats, I forgot. Henry and I have a lunch date. Phoebe: Oh, you might want to reschedule in case a demon attcks. Paige: Why, look at you. You sound like Sir Full of Himself. Phoebe: [Laughs] Well, he might not be your Mr. Right, but he does have a point. Henry: Paige, I don't want to run away from a fight, ok? Come on, I deal with violent, dangerous criminals every day. Paige: But those violent, dangerous criminals do not throw fireballs at you. Henry: W-Well, what about Piper's kids? I mean, they-they're here all the time. Paige: They have powers to defend themselves. Henry: They do? Paige: Mm-hmm. So, please, just go. I will call you in a little bit. Henry: Hold it, hold it, hold it. If I run away every time a demon attcks, I'm gonna be running away all the time, right? Paige: Ok. Piper: Ok, come on, baby. Oh, hi. Sorry. Oh, thanks. Go on. Wyatt's really gotta go. Paige: Ok. Piper: Uh, you could just put those on the dining room table. That's be great. Henry: Sure. Piper: Thanks. Sweetie, don't forget to wash your hands! I hear we have, uh, demons attacking? Paige: How did you hear that? Piper: You know, your friend Simon? British, very cocky? Henry: Who's Simon? Paige: Nobody! Piper: Ok, I have 2 seconds for you to catch me up. Go. Paige: Ok. Uh, Christy finally spoke. Unfortunately, she said something weird. Uh..."They're coming"? Piper: Who's coming? When? Paige: It's ok. Phoebe and I have got this under control. We didn't want to tell you because we know you've got a crazy day. Piper: Crazier than you think. Guess who I just ran into, literally? Paige: Who? Piper: Greg. Paige: Greg...? Piper: Fireman Greg. Paige: Ohh! He was the hot Greg. Piper: Mm. Paige: You gonna go out with him? Piper: Oh, god, don't be ridiculous. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christy: Aah! Billie: Christy, what is it? What's wrong? Christy, please, I want to help you. Christy: I'm afraid. Billie: I know you're afraid. Look, nothing's gonna happen to you. You're in a very, very safe place. Christy: You can't stop them. Billie: Stop who? Christy, please. Christy: You can't stop them from coming. Billie: When? When are they coming? Christy: Now. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Henry: So, how long does it usually take for demons to attck? Piper: Well, it could be anytime really. You know, it depends. Henry: On? Piper: On timing, you know, usually the worse it is for us, the better it is for them, you know? That kind of thing. Mustard? Henry: Uh, no, thanks. Paige: You can still opt out if you want. Henry: Not a chance. Billie: Incoming! Paige: What? What is it? Christy: They're here. Billie: Get down! Christy: Unh! Demons: Uhh! Uhh! Piper: Sweetie, why don't you orb up to your room? Paige: Fireball! Henry: Aah! Ahh! Christy: No! Henry: It's ok. I'm all right. I'm ok. Christy: Oh. Billie: Are you ok? Phoebe: What's going on? What happened? Piper: Ask the fre starter. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Henry: Paige... Paige: Shh! You know you could have been klled? Henry: Paige, I'm ok. Paige: No, you're not ok. You were ht by a fireball, which was actually my fault. Henry: No, it was not your fault. I'm a grown man. I chose to be here. Paige: Henry, I really think you should leave. We don't know if they're coming back. Henry: Paige, I'm not leaving. Paige: I'm not having this on my head, ok? So please, please... Henry: All right. Phoebe: I know that was probably hard for you. Paige: Well, I guess it would have been harder if I was planning his funeral. Phoebe: Well, looks like Christy has a few more powers than we realized, huh? Paige: Yeah, maybe more than even she knew about. Phoebe: Maybe that's why those demons were holding her hostage for all those years. Maybe they were trying to co-opt her powers for themselves. Phoebe: But I don't think she's that powerful. I mean, unless they know something that we don't. Paige: Well, all the more reason for her to open up, so we can find out. Phoebe: I just think she's too freaked out. Paige: Well, she needs to get unfreaked out, and fast. Piper: Ok, I'm gonna go drop off Wyatt with Dad and Chris and get one of the other moms to take over cookie duties. Phoebe: Wait. Why? Piper: What do you mean, why? Why do you think? Paige: We can handle this, Piper. Piper: Yeah, but... Phoebe: No buts. Listen, you bake and spend time with Wyatt, and, hopefully, we can figure out who we're up against before they come back. Paige: Or before Christy burns down the house. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Christy crying] Billie: Christy... Christy: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. Billie: No, it's ok. You didn't do anything wrong. Did you know you could do-- Christy: No. But they did. Billie: They? You mean the demons? Were those the same ones? Who are they? Christy: I don't know. I never knew. Billie: Hey, it's ok. I told you we'd protect you, and we did. Look, I am not gonna let them hurt you anymore, I promise. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scather demon: It's over. Don't you see that? The Charmed Ones are protecting her now. Dreylock: We still have time. They haven't sensed anything yet. Scather demon: How do you know? How do you know they are not deciding our punishment as we speak? Dreylock: Because they would have acted by now if they had. They're not known for their patience. We have to get the witch back somehow. Scather demon: Impossible. We do not have the power to go up against The Charmed Ones and survive. Dreylock: Still, it would be better to be vanquished by the witches than by The Triad. That would be a fate worse than death. Scather demon: Then, perhaps we should escape, hide from them. Dreylock: They're the most powerful evil ever known. They'd find us. [Drops skull] Prepare the ritual. Scather demon: The ritual? For The Triad? We cannot tell them we've lost her. That is su1c1de. Dreylock: We have no choice. They're the only ones who can get the girl back now. We'll just have to hope they show us mercy. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: Hi. Greg: Hey. Piper: What are you doing here? Greg: Hey, I'm sorry just to show up like this, Piper. But I've got-- you've got a little somethin' there on your cheek. Piper: Oh... Greg: Frosting? Piper: No. I was just baking cookies for my son's party. Um...anyway... Greg: Anyway, there's a guy in my station, he used to work at a body shop, and he says he can fix our cars for next to nothing. Piper: Oh, that's great. Greg: But there's a catch. You see, he's leaving this afternoon, and his next shift isn't for like four days, but if you get your car down there right now, he can take care of everything. Piper: Well, I-I can't go. I mean, I've gotta bake a zillion cookies and drop 'em off at Wyatt's school. Greg: I smell smoke. Piper: Well, you know, I brned a few cookies. Greg: Looks like you brned more than a few cookies. Piper: Well, you know, kids. Those are the cookies. Greg: You go, I'll watch him. Hey, buddy. Hey, little man, what's up? Pretty cool truck. Simon: Ah, Master Wyatt, it's an honor. Harry? Now, you must understand that your kind and our kind simply can't co-mingle. Greg: Where did you come from? Simon: Ah. There is a reason why mortals should stick to their own. Well, actually, there's a few reasons. Greg: Mortals? Paige: Simon? Simon: Darling! Paige: Ah...uh! What are you doing here? Simon: I am just explaining things to Harry here. Paige: If you mean Henry, that is not him. Uh...in fact, I don't know who that is. Simon: I'm Greg. We met once before when I was dating Piper. Paige: Oh, right. Greg. Ok, uh... excuse us. You need to get out. Uh! Are you insane? Simon: Are you? Those were Windsor roses, my dear, from East Sussex. Very rare. Paige: We do not practice magic in front of mortals. Simon: Must be very trying, but I can assure you, Paige, once we are wed-- Paige: Ah! We are not going to be wed. Not now, not ever. Get out! Unh! Greg: You take that one. I got that one. Let's crash 'em. Come on! Piper: Hey, how's it goin'? Paige: Uh, not so good. Simon just orbed in in front of your friend. Luckily, he didn't see anything. Piper: Oh, thank God. Did you find who that shoe belongs to? Paige: No, we haven't yet, but, uh, we're on top of it, and it's not your job, so don't worry about it. Greg: Hey, Piper, if you want my buddy to fix the car, we better get goin'. Piper: Oh, gee, that's really great, but-- Greg: Come on. We'll drop off the cookies on the way, and Wyatt can play on the fre truck. We can catch up. Piper: Yeah, hold that thought. I don't think that's a good idea. Paige: Actually, I think it's a great idea. What with Simon orbing in and out of here willy-nilly, and demons are trying to attck... Piper: No, that's not what I mean. I mean spending the day with another man while Leo's frozen and all. Paige: Well, Piper, it's not a date. He's just a friend of yours. Piper: A friend that I used to sleep with. Paige: Well, don't sleep with him. Duh! Easy solution to that problem. Go have fun. Remember how to do that? Piper: Mm! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simon: Ooh, my word. This man is a pig. Ah! Ooh. Henry: Who are you? Simon: I, sir, am your girlfriend's future husband. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Sigh] Nothing. You got anything yet? Phoebe: Yes. I see... my new condo with me not in it. I should just move back here. Paige: Here's what I'm not understanding. If we've identified them and know who they are, why can't we find 'em? Phoebe: And the scather demons don't even have telepathic powers. Paige: Maybe I was right. Maybe Christy does have some power of telepathy and she contacted them. You know, maybe she's suffering from that Stockholm Syndrome thing. Phoebe: Possibly, but it doesn't explain why we can't find the demons. Paige: Oh, god, maybe we should have accepted Simon's help. Phoebe: Oh, are you still thinking about the Brit? Paige: Paige: No, I'm not thinking about him. He just may have had a point, that's all. Phoebe: Ah, the age old question-- to date or not to date a mortal. Paige: I just keep thinking, if that fireball had been 2 inches to the left there would be no Henry to save. Does that make me selfish? Phoebe: Only you can answer that, sweetie. Paige: Right. Ok, well, back to the matter at hand. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scather demon: You realize that once we summon them, there is no turning back? They will come. Dreylock: Proceed. Asmodeus: Why have you summoned us? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Asmodeus: How could you let her escape?! Why did you not summon us immediately? Dreylock: My lord, we thought we could get her back. Baliel: You failed us, just as I predicted you would. Scather demon: We didn't fail you! For 15 years, we held her for you, and now...? Aahh! Asmodeus: We mustn't let our anger get the best of us. We can't lose sight of the bigger picture. Candor: There is no bigger picture without the witch, Asmodeus. She is the key. Baliel: And without her, we can't possibly hope to get the power we need. We should decimate this miserable clan before anything else goes wrong. Dreylock: No, wait. You don't understand. The witch was rescued by her sister. Candor: So... Dreylock: So they are both under the protection of The Charmed Ones. Baliel:The Charmed Ones? Dreylock: That's why we summoned you. We don't have the power to go up against them. Candor: Neither do we. Asmodeus: Not yet, we don't. Not unless we get the witch back. And if we do, you'd better not lose her again. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Look, just because demons use their powers to do bad things, doesn't mean all powers are bad. You can use yours for good. Like, you are in the light now, Christy. There's good magic all around you. You just have to believe it. You have to trust it. Christy: How? Billie: [Sighs] Well...like this. See? It's easy. Just focus on what you want and you can do it. All right, why don't you try now? Oh, come on. Don't worry. You can do it. I'll be right here. Come on. Come on. Now, I want you to focus really hard on what you want, ok? See it in your mind's eye. Christy: [Gasp] I did it! Billie: I told you! Whoa. That's a lot. Maybe I should put that out. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Simon: You know, it's not easy having magical powers. But then again, you will never understand that. Henry: Uh, where'd you say you're from again? Simon: Sussex, with homes in Devonshire, Manchester, London. And when... when Paige and I are wed-- Henry: Listen to me. I already told you that's not gonna happen. You got that? Paige is my girl. Simon: Is it really fair of you to be keeping Paige away from the magical world she's destined to be in? Henry: I'm not keeping Paige away from anything. Simon: But you are. You see, it is destiny to combine the Marx and Matthews magical lines. Once we are a couple, we will be the most powerful force of good the world has ever seen. Henry: Well, I think Paige and her sisters are doing fine without you. Simon: But I think Paige deserves so much more, and I can give it to her. Henry: I'm getting pretty tired of you insinuating that I am not good enough for Paige. Simon: I'm not insinuating it. I'm saying it. Henry: All right, look, pal. I may be new to this magical world, but I'm not afraid of demons, and I'm definitely not afraid of you. Simon: Ah! Not afraid? Henry: No. Simon: Not afraid? Henry: No. Simon: Well, I tell you what. Let's wait until you've had a fireball thrown at your face, and then we'll have a little discussion about how brave you think you are. Henry: Already happened this morning. I'm still here. Simon: And how embarrassing that must have been. Let me guess, Paige had to heal you. Correct? Henry: Yeah. So? Simon: So it is only a matter of time before you are beyond healing, leaving poor Paige too devastated to fight the great fight. Henry: You know what? We're finished here. Simon: Are you blind, man? Can't you see that you're a liability in every sense of the word and the fear of you being blown up will make it impossible for Paige to ever truly be honest with you. Henry: Look, pal, I don't know who you are, and I don't really care. You're not getting Paige. You got that? Simon: Really? Henry: Yeah. Simon: Well, if you won't listen to reason, then I guess there's only one thing left for us to do. Henry: I guess so. What's that? Simon: I challenge you to a duel. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: You sure you can't pay him something more for this? Greg: No, he's good. Don't worry about it. Piper: Well, it doesn't seem right, especially since it was my fault. Greg: It's no big deal. He's a fireman. He likes to help people. Piper: Is that why you became a fireman? Greg: Yeah, I guess. I mean, it sure ain't the pay. You know, I wanted to call you, stay in touch, but I felt weird after I heard you and Leo got back together. Piper: Yeah. Of course. Greg: Hey, I don't mean to pry or anything, but I couldn't help notice that he didn't seem to be around. Is everything ok? Piper: Yeah. Sure. You know, it's great. Greg: So is he around? Piper: Uh, well, Leo's been away. Greg: Away. Piper: Mm-hmm. Away. [Cell phone rings] Piper: Excuse me. Hello? Phoebe: I think you need to come home. Piper: What do you mean? Why? Phoebe: Well, we've I.D.'d the demons that took Christy, but we can't find them anywhere. Piper: Well, they're low level. They shouldn't be that hard to find. Phoebe: Yeah, that's why we think something else is on, like maybe they're being protected by other demons, more powerful demons. Piper: Like who? [Billie screams] Piper: What was that? Phoebe: Hurry! Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe! Greg: Is something wrong? Piper: Um, actually, I need my car now. Greg: But it's not finished. Piper: Oh, well, that's ok. Uh...huh. Do you think you could watch Wyatt for me for a little while? Greg: Yeah, sure. Piper: Ok, thanks. Bye. I owe you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Uh! Uh! Help! Ah! Jacket! Aah! Phoebe: Oh, my god! Billie, what happened? Billie: I cannot believe this. I cannot believe what just happened. Phoebe: What? Billie: Christy just attcked me. Paige: What? Where is she? Where'd she go? Billie: She just left with one of the demons. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: I don't understand, you guys. Everything was going so well. I mean, she was laughing, we were having fun, and, oh, I just don't know how this happened. Piper: Hang on a second. Start from the beginning. What were you guys doing right before? Billie: Well, I was showing her how to control her powers the same way you guys showed me, and she was getting it. She was really excited. Piper: And then? Billie: And then she started hearing some voices, voices she started talking to. Paige: What was she saying? Billie: At first, she wanted them to go away, and then it was something about being the key or that she didn't want to be the key or-- Piper: Wait a minute. What key? Billie: To the ultimate power? Phoebe: Whoa. Excuse me? Piper: Oh, no, not another one. Billie: Yeah, I don't know. Phoebe: Well, that explains why they took her now. Billie: And then, the weirdest thing happened. She just changed. Her expression got very dark. Then that demon from before showed up, and before I knew it, I was on fre. Billie: What? Phoebe: Well, it's just, if that's true, the demon that took her didn't have telepathic powers, which means she had to contact them. Billie: [Scoffs] That's ridiculous. Why would she do that? Paige: Beause they're all she knows. Billie: No. No, that's not what happened, ok? You guys weren't there. Christy and I connected as sisters. So if those demons didn't contact her, then some other demons did. Ok? Paige: That's a possibility. Billie: So what are we waiting for? How do we find her? Phoebe: Well, I guess we could start by trying to figure out who this ultimate power is, and maybe they tie into how we're supposed to get Leo back. [Cell phone rings] Paige: Henry? Henry: Paige, what do you know about duels? Paige: Duels? Why? Simon: En garde, sir! Henry: Wha-Wait! What are you doin'? Paige: I have to go. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Henry gasping and straining] Paige: What the hell--? Simon: Ah, Paige, yes, great. Best for you to see this yourself firsthand. Now, I know this might look a little extreme, but I am determined to make my point. Paige: Simon, knock it off! Simon: But you see, my dear, I can't. For your sake, as well as his, it's far better you face the truth now than later. Look, for you to be with Harry-- Paige: Henry! Simon: Whatever. For you to be with him instead of me... [Gasp] Would be a terrible mistake. Henry: Huh! Unh! I got him right where-- right where I want him. All right, you pompous son of a bitch, you think you're the perfect man for Paige just 'cause you know a little magic? Simon: Well, as a matter of fact I do. Henry: You don't know anything about her. Simon: On the contrary, sir. I know everything there is to know about Paige Matthews, thank you. Henry: Where is she ticklish? Simon: Ticklish, well... Henry: Third toe, left foot, right below the neck. Did you know she only salts her popcorn on the right side, never on the left? And every time she watches the Wizard of Oz, she cries. Every time. Did you know that? No, why would you? Because you don't even care. You just want some trophy witch so you can have a nice power couple. I care about Paige. I love her. Paige: And I love him. Simon: Paige. Paige, you can't be serious-- Henry: Yeah, we're both serious. bat it, pal. Paige: What he said. Cross the pond. Henry: I told you I never run from a fight. Paige: Oh! Henry: Ahh! Thank you. Paige: Sorry, sorry. Henry: That's ok. It's ok. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: Nothing, except stuff about all the other ultimate powers we've faced. Phoebe: Billie, did Christy say anything else that might be able to help us? Billie: Shh! She's calling for me. I--I can hear her. She wants us to reverse the "to call a lost witch spell" so we can come find her. Piper: How does she know about that spell? Phoebe: Doesn't matter, we're not going. Billie: She doesn't want you guys to go, just me. Phoebe: Well, no. It could be a trap. Billie: It's not a trap. I trust her. Piper: Even though, you know, she did try to kll you? Billie: I have to. I can't lose her again. Phoebe: Ok, fine. But if you're not out of there in 5 minutes, we're coming in to get you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Christy? Are you there? Dreylock: Your sister can't be saved... and neither can you. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Billie: Christy, help me, please! Unh! Don't let them make you do this! You have the power to stop them! Use it! Christy, look, we're sisters, ok? They can't come between us. Nobody can. Dreylock: Hold your f*re. No! We don't want to hurt the key. Billie: Look, we can combine our powers together and put an end to this once and for all.We can do this together. Trust me. Dreylock: Surround her. [Gasp] demons: Aaah! Why?! Phoebe: Well? Billie: It's over. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Paige: So, um, why did you want to come here? Henry: Oh, I don't know, it's just kind of, uh, it's-it's like our place, now, right? I mean, ever since you were-- Paige: A witch. It's ok, it's not a bad word, you know. Henry: Oh, no, no. Not at all. Paige: Henry, are you ok? Henry: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Great. Top of the world. Literally, right? Paige: Do you want me to heal that for you? Henry: No. No, I like it. It's like a battle scar, right? Says I fought for my girl, and I won. Paige: Yes, you certainly did. Henry: I mean, I-I faced demons and fireballs, uh, magical suitors, orbing... I mean, I think I passed the test, right? Paige: What test? Henry: You love me, don't you? Paige: Yes, I love you. Henry: 'Cause, um... Paige, will you marry me? Paige: Yes. [Paige laughs] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: Hello! Wyatt: Hi, Mommy. Piper: Hi! Looks like somebody had fun. Can you say thank you? Wyatt: Thank you. Greg: I gotta take that off. We gotta get it back here, kiddo. Piper: There you go. Greg: You're welcome, buddy. Anytime. Piper: Ok, why don't you go play, and I'll be right there, ok? Greg: He's a great kid. Piper: Thank you, um, for everything. Greg: Oh, it was my pleasure. Piper: Um. Whoa. Greg: I'm sorry. Piper: No, no, it's ok. I mean, no, it's not ok. It's definitely not ok. Greg: I just thought, you know, with Leo gone... Piper: No, I mean, he's not gone. I didn't say he was gone. He's just, you know, he's...away. Greg: Ok. Piper: Listen, Greg, you're a great guy. Really, and if, you know, the situation was different... but...Leo is coming back. Greg: I understand. Well, it was really great to see you again, Piper. Piper: You, too. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Christy: What am I wearing? Billie: Oh, that's a John Stamos t-shirt. You were totally obsessed. Christy: I was not. Billie: Yes, you wanted to marry Mr. Full House. Christy: [Laughs] Well, you wanted to marry Pee-Wee. Billie: Ew! No, I didn't. Christy: I'm sorry about attacking you. That wasn't me. I was being controlled. I would never hurt you. Billie: Oh, stop. I know. I know. Christy: Is it really over? I mean, for good? Billie: I'm not gonna let anyone take you away ever again. I promise. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Piper: Phoebe! Phoebe: [Gasp] Oh, oh, you-you scared me. Piper: What are you doing? Phoebe: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm eavesdropping. I don't get to do that anymore now that I moved out. Piper: Well, stop it. Phoebe: Spoil sport. What's wrong with you? Your fireman? Piper: No. Thank you. Christy. Phoebe: Oh. Well, don't worry about her. She's doing fine. Piper: That's not what I mean. She's the key, whatever that means, it can't be good. Phoebe: Well, maybe it is. I mean, maybe she's here to help us fight whatever comes next, you know? Maybe they both are. Piper: Well, I guess we're just gonna have to wait and see.	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x15 - Last Temptation of Christy"}	foreverdreaming
Charmed "Engaged and Confused" Season 8, Episode 16 =========================== RECAP ------- [Scene from 8x06: kll Billie: Vol. 1] BILLIE: The night my sister was taken... (Flash to a demon taking Billie's sister and flying out of the window.) It was raining outside. That was the last time I ever saw her. PAIGE: (voice-over) PREVIOUSLY ON CHARMED [Scenes from 8x15: The Last Temptation of Christy] (Piper and Billie talk about Christy being with them.) PIPER: It's only been a couple of days. BILLIE: Yeah, well, what if I never get through to her? PIPER: The only thing you can really do is just be there for her. (Billie comforting Christy.) BILLIE: Christy, it's okay. You're safe now. You're gonna be okay. [Scene from 8x10: Vaya Con Leos] (The Angel of Destiny talking to the sisters.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: There's one more battle on the horizon for you three. One unlike you've ever faced before, one you won't see coming, and one you may not survive. PIPER: (shakes her head) What does that have to do with Leo? [Scenes from 8x15: The Last Temptation of Christy] (Henry proposing to Paige.) HENRY: I faced demons and-- and fireballs, magical suitors, orbing... I mean, I think I passed the test, right? PAIGE: What test? HENRY: Paige, will you marry me? PAIGE: Yes. (Billie helping Christy master her powers.) BILLIE: Your powers are a blessing, Christy. They're a gift. They're a great thing to have. CHRISTY: They scare me. [Robin says: this part of the scene has not been kept in the final cut of the episode; somehow, it has been included in the recap.] (Piper and Phoebe talking about Christy.) PIPER: She's the Key, and whatever that means, it can't be good. PHOEBE: Well, maybe it is. I mean, maybe she's here to help us fight whatever comes next, you know? Maybe they both are. (The Triad materializing in magic school.) ASMODEUS (TRIAD): She's in position. We're almost there. PROLOGUE ------------ [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY] (Open on a chocolate heart cake. Camera moves up to Piper. She's kneading bread while talking to Phoebe on the phone.) PIPER: Well, we haven't made much progress here, either. The whole Christy- ultimate-power thing has got me kinda stumped. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Phoebe's getting clothes from her closet for Christy to try them on. Christy's in front of the mirror, tottering in high heels. Billie's next to her, assisting her.) PHOEBE: Piper, relax. You sound so stressed, don't worry. We'll figure it out. You're like hyperventilating. PIPER: I'm not hyperventilating, I'm kneading dough, dodo! PHOEBE: You're kneading bread?! PIPER: Uh, yeah! You are talking to a former chef, you know. Don't act so surprised. (Piper picks up a set of plates and heads...) [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (...to the dining room. She puts the stack on the table. The table's decorated with an enormous "Henry and Paige" floral centerpiece and tons of flowers.) PHOEBE: Look, sweetie, are you sure you're okay with this? Throwing Paige an engagement party without... PIPER: (arranging flowers) Are you kidding? It's exactly what Leo would want us to do. Besides, Paige deserves what Leo and I had. PHOEBE: And you will have that again, and soon as we figure out what we're up against. PIPER: Well, until then, someone in this family is going to have a normal happy wedding engagement, party and all. Speaking of which, how's the, uh, Christy project going? PHOEBE: Actually, it's going really well. This morning, we mastered the art of walking in high heels, and now, we're just picking out an outfit. (To Billie) Try that one. (To Piper) And we're gonna go for a little test run at a café, you know? See how it goes. PIPER: Great, because demons attacking at the party, I can handle, but Christy eating with her hands, I cannot handle. PHOEBE: Don't worry, she will be totally, totally ready by tomorrow night. (Billie gives Christy a dress, who examines it apprehensively.) PIPER: Thank you. (Christy clumsily tries to put the dress on, but she loses her balance.) (Christy squeaks and falls.) PIPER: What? What happened? (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] (A half-vanquished demon appears and screams in pain on the ground, burning. He finally bursts into flame in front of Xar and his henchdemon, Takar.) XAR: I suppose letting him escape half alive was meant to send a message. TAKAR: Yes, that's it's su1c1de to go up against the Triad. We can't afford to lose any more demons, Xar. XAR: Well, there might be another way. TAKAR: What about retreating deeper into the underworld? XAR: If the Triad gets the ultimate power, nowhere will be safe. TAKAR: But we can't even get them out of magic school now, let alone destroy them. We are not strong enough to stop them. XAR: No. But The Charmed Ones might be. Perhaps we can get them to destroy the Triad for us. [OPENING CREDITS] PART ONE ----------- [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Paige is flipping through the Book of Shadows. Piper comes in.) PIPER: What are you doing here? I thought you were going ring shopping with Henry. PAIGE: Oh. Yeah, I was supposed to, but, you know, I figured, what with the key to the ultimate power over at Phoebe's, I should take this time just to, you know, kinda check things out, and... PIPER: This is your wedding ring we're taking about. PAIGE: (annoyed) I know. I'm not getting married tomorrow. I've got some time. PIPER: But still, when a girl isn't the least bit giddy about ring shopping, that usually means something's very wrong. PAIGE: You know, maybe I'm just not one of those kind of "whoo" wedding girls that goes crazy about the whole thing. Did you ever think of that? PIPER: I think you have a classic case of cold feet. PAIGE: I don't have cold feet, because... because I'm crazy for Henry. I am. Crazy for him. Love him. PIPER: Okay, yeah, sure. I believe you, and I love Leo too, but that doesn't mean I didn't get knots in my stomach the moment I said yes. PAIGE: (comforted) You did, really? PIPER: (nods) Mm-hmm. It's perfectly normal. PAIGE: Well... is it normal to fight about every little thing? PIPER: Actually, yes. Look, you just need to relax and spend a little time together, and talk it out, and, you know, listen. That's always a good thing. PAIGE: I could probably do some more listening than I've been doing. PIPER: You should kind of give it a try. PAIGE: Okay. I will. I will call him right after I'm done checking on some things. PIPER: No, you need to get your butt out of here! Go. The demons will show up eventually. They always do. (Piper grins. Convinced, Paige heads towards the stairs.) Good luck! (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] (Xar's munching a huge round loaf of bread while his henchdemon Takar is busy shoving spoonfuls of gruel into his mouth.) XAR: I'd rather die than spend eternity hiding out in some dingy cave while the Triad luxuriates up at magic school. Their resurfacing after so long away opens old wounds. TAKAR: They were wrong to have excommunicated you, Xar. XAR: And it will be their downfall. TAKAR: I have no doubt. Still... XAR: I know their weakness, what they so desperately want: to kll The Charmed Ones, and shift the balance of power from good to evil. And the fact they just took over magic school tells me they're close. TAKAR: All the more reason to stay away, I think. XAR: But... if The Charmed Ones knew the Triad was back, they'd want them vanquished as much as I do. We just have to find a way to get them the message. Or rather, you'll have to find a way. TAKAR: Ugh... Still, with all due respect, maybe we should wait, see how things play out-- XAR: No! We need to take out the Triad now, before they get the ultimate power. (Flash to...) [EXT. SIDEWALK CAFÉ - DAY] (Christy is ripping at her chicken leg with both hands, chewing noisily. She has barbecue sauce all over her chin.) (Phoebe and Billie are shamefaced...) (...while the other diners stare at her.) CHRISTY: (busy munching noisily) Mmm... (Phoebe's had enough.) PHOEBE: Okay! Utensils. CHRISTY: (sheepishly) Right. Sorry. BILLIE: No, it's okay. You're doing-- you're doing fine. You know, honey, you have a little-- something-- everywhere. It's fine. (Christy tries to wipe her mouth with her sleeve.) You know, um, why don't we just stick to liquids? CHRISTY: I'm a freak. I'm never gonna get this. BILLIE: Ohh... No, I-- you were raised by demons for fifteen years. You can't expect to get all this in one week. Just eat your salad. PHOEBE: Yeah, just... relax. Relax. Concentrate. (Christy concentrates on her plate of food, and sets it ablaze.) (Phoebe gasps.) BILLIE: Oh, my goodness! PHOEBE: Goodness. Okay. Okay, that's not-- (Phoebe empties her glass of water on the plate, extinguishing the fre.) BILLIE: Well... PHOEBE: Maybe this was a little premature. BILLIE: (nods vehemently) Yeah, we need to leave. Now. PHOEBE: Okay. I'm gonna give you money... BILLIE: Thank you. PHOEBE: And... I'm gonna go run some errands, and I'll meet you at the house, okay? You're gonna get this. I promise. (Phoebe rapidly walks away.) (Christy pouts sheepishly.) [EXT. SIDEWALK - DAY] (Phoebe, walking down the sidewalk, is so busy rifling through her bag she bumps into a man.) PHOEBE: Oh! COOP: Sorry. PHOEBE: (distracted) It's okay, don't worry about it. (Phoebe keeps on walking.) COOP: My fault. (Billie watched the whole scene with great interest and runs after Phoebe.) BILLIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey! Hey, missy! PHOEBE: (turns to Billie) What? BILLIE: Hello? PHOEBE: What? BILLIE: That guy was totally hot. He was checking you out. What are you doing? PHOEBE: He was? I didn't even see him. BILLIE: I know. That's why I came over here. PHOEBE: Okay, let's just focus on Christy. Otherwise, we're going to have to deal with the wrath of Piper. [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY] (Piper enters the room with a tray filled with champagne glasses while Billie is teaching Christy how to toast.) PIPER: Nobody touch these, I don't want smudges! BILLIE: And then, we clink. (Billie clinks with Christy.) PIPER: (to Billie) You need to wash those. I don't know if I ordered enough. CHRISTY: Why clink? BILLIE: You know, I don't really know, it's just kind of a thing. Okay, and now, we sip. (Christy drinks it all in one gulp and coughs.) BILLIE: That was-- that was really nice. I should've told you what sip meant. (Christy wipes her mouth with her sleeve again.) It's okay. No! Don't use-- napkin! Napkin. (Christy rips the cloth napkin under the champagne glasses, shattering them.) PIPER: Aah! BILLIE: Ohh... at least there aren't any smudges. PIPER: That's all right. I got it. I got it. I got it. (Christy's already moved on and is now fiddling with salad tongs.) BILLIE: (sighs) Yes, these, my friend, are salad tongs. You kinda dig in there and pull the salad out. Don't use your fingers. (Christy nods. The doorbell rings.) PIPER: I got it. (Piper protectively grabs a vase to protect it from Christy's destructive rampage.) Those are the tables. I got it. (Piper walks out with the vase.) (Christy grabs a corkscrew and plays with it. It's a lot of fun.) CHRISTY: What's this do? [INT. MANOR - FOYER/MAIN HALL - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Piper opens the door.) PIPER: Okay, uh, Rick, you can just put those on the... (But it's not a delivery. It's the demons Takar and Ciril, dressed up as police officers.) TAKAR: Piper Halliwell? PIPER: (putting down the vase) Yes? Is there a problem? TAKAR: We just wanted to make sure you're all right. Can we, uh, come in? PIPER: Uh... why wouldn't I be all right? (Takar and Ciril both take a timid step in.) TAKAR: Have you noticed any suspicious activity lately around your home? PIPER: What is this about, exactly? CIRIL: We got word there might be an attempt on your life. PIPER: What?! By who? TAKAR: You, uh... you've come across them before. (Billie and Christy enter the foyer to see what is going on.) PIPER: "Them"? Who are you guys? (Paige walks down the stairs, holding a phone.) PAIGE: Ugh! Can someone please tell me if it is normal to argue with somebody about whether you should eat before or after you buy wedding bands? BILLIE: (to Christy) Hey, who are they? (Christy starts concentrating on the two demons.) (Takar gets increasingly restless.) TAKAR: Look, this is a friendly visit. We're just here to warn you that there are... beings who you thought you dealt with but haven't. PIPER: (raising eyebrows) Beings? Wait a second. CHRISTY: They're demons! TAKAR: The Triad's back! Beware! (Ciril freaks out and throws a fireball at Piper. She gasps and swiftly dodges it. The fireball crashes in the vase, destroying it.) (Piper blasts Ciril, but misses.) (Ciril throws another fireball at Billie and Christy. They duck. It whizzes above them, crashes in the centerpiece and sets it ablaze.) (Paige rushes to Christy.) PAIGE: Gotta get you out of here. CHRISTY: (concentrating) Wait. (As Ciril is about to hurl a third fireball, Christy grabs her temples and blasts him.) BILLIE: Sweet! (Terrified, Takar shimmers out.) PIPER: Did he just say Triad?! [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART TWO ------------ [INT. MANOR - KITCHEN - DAY] CHRISTY: I don't know. I didn't recognize them. I just got a ht they were demons. BILLIE: Gotta love that telepathy. PAIGE: It's too bad your power just won't tell us what they want. BILLIE: Well, they don't want Christy, thank god. PAIGE: I think they were coming to tell us about the Triad. PIPER: Who are supposedly dad. We thought Cole vanquished them years ago. CHRISTY: Are they dangerous? PIPER: Very. PAIGE: I'm not really understanding, though. Why would demons come to warn us about other demons? Yeah, I probably should just go check the book-- PIPER: No. I can do the research. You need to talk to your fiance. We have enough firepower down here. PAIGE: Don't say the F word. BILLIE: Firepower? PIPER: Go. PAIGE: Maybe we should call the whole thing off. I mean, everything's so crazy-- PIPER: (overlapping) Don't even think about it! Listen. The party is on, dude. PAIGE: Dude... the house is a mess. PIPER: And what else is new, okay? (to Billie and Christy) You two need to go hang out at Phoebe's until we know... something. PAIGE: Come on, I'll take you. PIPER: And then, you need to go straight to Henry, because I ain't throwing you an engagement party if you ain't engaged. PAIGE: Don't thrat me. (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] (Xar's holding an athame dangerously near Takar's throat.) XAR: How could you fail? TAKAR: We didn't... exactly. We-- we warned them about the Triad, we just didn't get a chance to elaborate. XAR: Ciril was incinerated by a Charmed One? TAKAR: No, by another witch. Same one who knew that we were demons. They seemed very protective of her. XAR: (intrigued) Explain. TAKAR: They risked themselves so she wouldn't get hurt, even though she didn't look like she needed much protection. XAR: Interesting. A strange, powerful witch appears in The Charmed Ones' lives, just as the Triad is close to achieving its goal. I wonder if she's the one. TAKAR: I don't follow. XAR: When I was one of them, they spoke of going after the coming power, the ultimate power. TAKAR: And you think that might be her? XAR: If she is, we need to get her away from The Charmed Ones fast. TAKAR: But then they'd come after us. XAR: Not if they think the Triad took her. Then they'd go after them. (Flash to...) [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO - STREET - DAY] (Henry is contemplating the window of a jewelry store.) (Paige gets out of her car and runs to Henry.) PAIGE: Hey. Oh, my god, I'm so sorry, I'm late. Oh, no! The store's closed. HENRY: Yeah. Yeah. Hey, don't worry, though, I got to watch another couple pick up their band, it was-- it was really beautiful. PAIGE: So sorry. Right after we hung up, these demons attcked us, and-- HENRY: Wait-- demons? Are you okay? PAIGE: Yeah, we're fine. They were, in their own special way, coming to warn us about this group called the Triad we thought were dad, but apparently aren't, which is kind of freaking us out a little bit. I'll explain more about that little thing later. HENRY: Paige, look, if you have too much going on, if you can't deal with this wedding right now... PAIGE: No, of course I can deal with the wedding, and picking up bands, and, you know, dealing with toothpaste caps and snoring and... HENRY: Uh... snoring? PAIGE: It's nothing. HENRY: Didn't sound like nothing. (Henry and Paige start walking side by side down the sidewalk.) PAIGE: Well, every couple has their little quirks, their issues. HENRY: Issues? Are you talking about not nailing down the wedding day, or are you talking about not having a guest list? PAIGE: Okay, by guest list, you're saying you're not really interested in just having a barefoot, on the beach, wedding in Fiji? HENRY: What? No, because I would like to lift a wedding veil, not a mosquito net when I'm gonna kiss you. PAIGE: (forced laugh) Does every couple go through this? HENRY: Hold on now. I wanna go back to the small issue here of toothpaste. PAIGE: What? You don't put the cap back on! HENRY: (scoffs) Okay, well you squeeze from the middle! PAIGE: Uhh! By the way, I'm not wearing a veil. HENRY: Why? How can you get married without wearing a veil? PAIGE: Well, if you want one so much, why don't you wear it? HENRY: I-- I... [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (Billie is doing Christy's makeup.) CHRISTY: It's funny, I remember doing this to you when we were little. BILLIE: Oh, really? CHRISTY: Yeah. Manicure, pedicure, the works. We had fun playing dress-up. BILLIE: Well, I think I was a little young to remember, but I have to say, I know you lived in a cave and it was terrible, but it did wonders for your complexion. (Phoebe comes in the room with a necklace. She puts it around Christy's neck.) PHOEBE: There you go. Oh, sweetie, you look so beautiful. BILLIE: She's a total babe. PHOEBE: You are a total knockout. (The door opens and Coop barges in.) COOP: Oh, whoops. This isn't right. (Recognizing Phoebe) Hey... hey, I saw you at the café earlier, didn't I? PHOEBE: (defensive) Yes, you did, which makes me wonder even more what you're doing in my house! COOP: Oh, yeah, yeah. Sorry about that. I'm new here. Must have gotten off on the wrong floor. BILLIE: (lifts a finger) An understandable mistake. PHOEBE: Why did your key work? COOP: (not overly concerned) Hmm. I don't know. That's a weird one. PHOEBE: (nods pointedly) Mmm. COOP: I have to talk to the broker about that. Hmm. Anyway, ladies, I apologize. Have a wonderful evening. Listen, if you ever need anything, I live right below you, so don't hesitate. Even if it is just for a... cup of sugar or something. (Coop closes the door.) PHOEBE: Mm-hmm. BILLIE: Okay. blwing that hot guy off once, maybe. But he just landed in your apartment, and you let him leave? PHOEBE: You have to admit, that's kind of suspicious! I-- I mean, you must've got some sort of vibe off him, did you? CHRISTY: No. I thought he was cute. BILLIE: Yeah. PHOEBE: Please, what do you know? You were raised by demons, for god's sakes. BILLIE: All right, whatever. Come on, let's go try this dress on. (Christy takes the dress out of Billie's hands.) CHRISTY: Excuse me, I think I can dress myself by now. PHOEBE: Oh. BILLIE: Oh. (Christy walks to the bedroom.) BILLIE: Well, that's progress. A little snippy, but progress. [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY] (Christy swings the door shut, revealing Xar silently standing in the corner dressed as a member of the Triad. Christy barely has enough time to gasp before Xar smacks her violently, sending her flying all the way across the bedroom, splintering a pole of Phoebe's canopy bed.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (The noise alerts Phoebe and Billie.) BILLIE: Christy? (They rush to the bedroom.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - BEDROOM - DAY] (As they open the door, Xar melts out, the unconscious Christy in his arms.) PHOEBE: The Triad. [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART THREE ------------- [INT. MANOR - LIVING ROOM - DAY] BILLIE: How did this happen? I mean, why couldn't I stop him? PHOEBE: Because you just couldn't. I couldn't either. He was in there waiting for her. PIPER: And you're sure it was the Triad? PHOEBE: Well, it's not the kind of robe you find at Nordstrom's, you know. PIPER: So I don't understand. The guys that kidnapped her fifteen years ago were just front men? PHOEBE: Well, it kind of makes sense, especially if she's the Key to the power. PIPER: Which if the Triad gets, we're screwed. BILLIE: Well, who cares? All I care about is getting her back before they... PHOEBE: They won't hurt her. They need her. PIPER: We just need to get her back before they get whatever it is they're after. BILLIE: I still don't understand why those demons warned us about them. PIPER: Well, they don't want the Triad taking over any more than we do. They probably thought we would take them out. PHOEBE: You know, this might be the fight that the Angel of Destiny was talking about. And if we win... PIPER: (nods) We could get Leo back. PHOEBE: Okay, well, I'm gonna start by checking into that guy that broke into my apartment. BILLIE: You really think he's part of this? PHOEBE: Yes! (Phoebe walks out of the room.) PIPER: We're gonna get your sister back, Billie, one way or another. BILLIE: And Leo too. (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] (Christy is lying on the floor, surrounded with entrapping crystals, unconscious, bound and blindfolded.) TAKAR: She's the ultimate power? XAR: Doubtful. She was too easy to take. More likely an unsuspecting conduit. Still, as long as we have her, the Triad doesn't. TAKAR: Do you really think The Charmed Ones will go after them instead of us? XAR: Shh! (whispers) That's the plan. TAKAR: (whispers) But what if they don't? XAR: Then we're dad. But that's still better than having to answer to the Triad. (Christy is starting to come to.) XAR: Ahh... finally waking, are we? Care to tell us what you know about the ultimate power? (Christy suddenly sits up, but is stopped by the crystal barrier.) XAR: Spunky. But you'll talk... eventually. [INT. LOFT APARTMENT - DAY] (Phoebe kicks in the door. The loft is empty.) PHOEBE: I knew it. [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT - DAY] (Phoebe heads straight to the phone. As she snatches it, Coop casually creeps behind her.) COOP: Well, took you long enough. (Phoebe turns around and swiftly hits Coop in the chin with the phone. He falls backwards, demolishing an end table.) COOP: (grunts and laughs) Well, love is never having to say you're sorry. (As he gets up, Phoebe tries to kick him...) PHOEBE: Enh! (...but he freezes her with his opal ring.) COOP: That's nice. Very nice. Okay... umm... you lie awake at night. You're afraid you may never find love again. The best years of your life lost, battling for the greater good, but at the cost of starting your own family. Well, that ought to do it. (Coop flicks his hand, telekinetically moving the couch, and unfreezes Phoebe.) (Phoebe squeaks and falls on the couch.) COOP: You don't need to fight me, Phoebe. I'm on your side. PHOEBE: (stands up) Like hell you are. COOP: Just... sit down, okay? Listen. (They both sit down.) Now you're just thinking, how you lay awake at night, right? How you're afraid that you may never find love again? Now, it's not fair, really. I already know I'm right. PHOEBE: Who are you? COOP: I'm Cupid. I'm one of them, anyway. You can call me Coop. PHOEBE: (laughs) That's just great, "Coop". But you know what? I don't have the time for this, because I need to go find my sisters... COOP: You always say that, and that is exactly why I'm here. You always think that you never have time for love. You know, that's why the Elders sent me. They feel guilty, you know, about how everything got all messed up after they enlisted you. So they sent me down to help you get things back on track. PHOEBE: Oh. Okay. Well, you know what, I don't need help finding true love. COOP: Apparently you do. PHOEBE: Excuse me? COOP: You didn't even notice me at the café. PHOEBE: Oh, well, you know what? I didn't notice you at the café because you're- pff! You are just not cute. COOP: No. I'm cute. You're resistant. PHOEBE: Oh! COOP: Now, come on. How you're gonna have that future child that you were promised unless you find love first, right? PHOEBE: (hopeful) That's still possible? COOP: Not only is it possible, it's destined. We are gonna have to hurry. PHOEBE: But my star charts... COOP: All wonky. (laughs) I'm sorry. Your math stinks. Anyway, I'll show you about that later. First, we're gonna heal your heart. PHOEBE: N-- no. First, I need to go kll some demons, because if I don't, none of this is gonna matter. Okay? COOP: Wait. You're resisting. PHOEBE: (opening the door) You know what? You can take that bow and arrow and shove it up your, uh... And don't even try to freeze me because I will vanquish you. (Phoebe leaves, slamming the door shut.) COOP: Ooh. Well. This is gonna be tougher than I thought. [INT. MANOR - STAIRS - DAY] (Paige is walking up the stairs.) PAIGE: Hey, Henry. Can you please do me a huge favor? I need you to call everybody on the list for our party and cancel. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. POLICE STATION - DAY] HENRY: Can-- Paige, we can't cancel on them. It's tomorrow night. PAIGE: Look. There might not be a tomorrow night for us, okay? I have to deal with the Triad. HENRY: The Triad? Right, the Triad. You know what? I just thought... I thought we were working on it. PAIGE: Well, I thought we were working on it too, but sadly, they've come back. Can you please just make the call? HENRY: (sighs) Okay. (Henry hangs up.) Yes, ma'am. (Henry pulls the guest list sheet out of his pocket.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Paige comes in.) PAIGE: Hey, there. How's it going? PIPER: Not good. There's no known way to vanquish them. PAIGE: Well, that's, umm... really great news. Do you think it's odd that they went after Christy and didn't even try to fight us? PIPER: No. The Triad thinks she's the key to what they want, and once they get it, we may be obsolete. BILLIE: Power of the witches rise Course unseen across the skies Come to us who call you near Come to us and settle here PAIGE: How long has she been doing that? PIPER: Since we've been up here, and she's working on an enhancing potion to make the spell stronger. PAIGE: Hmm. Umm... Billie, the thing is, if that spell hasn't worked by now, it's not gonna work. BILLIE: I don't know what else to do. I have to do something! PAIGE: We're gonna get her back. Okay? I'm gonna go scry. (Billie nods.) BILLIE: Power of the witches rise Course unseen across the skies Come to us who call you near Come to us and settle here (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] (Christy is still blindfolded, but standing now.) CHRISTY: (seething) You have no idea who you're dealing with! XAR: I may not know exactly who you are, but I know you have something the Triad's been wanting for a very long time, and it brings me untold joy to think that I'll ruin their plan just as it's about to reach fruition. CHRISTY: (screams) Let me out of here! TAKAR: We're not going to get anything out of her. XAR: No matter. We just need to hold onto her until the battle between The Charmed Ones and the Triad is over. Then we'll see who's left standing. (Christy concentrates and incinerates the ropes that have her tied. She rips off the blindfold from her eyes.) (Christy puts her hands to her temples and emits a high-pitched shriek.) (Christy's formidable power blows up the crystal barrier imprisoning her. The crystal barrier explodes, immolating Takar and hurling Xar across the chamber.) CHRISTY: Now... it's your turn. (Christy, enraged, walks towards Xar.) (Christy disappears in a swirl of magical orbs.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Christy materializes in a swirl of magical orbs.) (Christy continues to walk menacingly until she realizes she is back at the manor.) BILLIE: Christy? CHRISTY: What-- what happened? BILLIE: It worked! (Billie hugs Christy.) CHRISTY: (stutters) I-- I was in a cage, umm... I got out, but then they came after me again... and then I was here. PIPER: What did they want, did they say? CHRISTY: I don't know. I was scared. BILLIE: That's okay. You're safe now. PIPER: Well, the Triad is gonna figure out where she is sooner or later. We need to stop them while we have a chance. PAIGE: Okay, I'm gonna go get Phoebe. (Paige orbs out.) PIPER: (to Christy) Are you okay? CHRISTY: Yeah, I just need to... lie down. BILLIE: Yeah. Come on, let's go. CHRISTY: (hastily) No, it's okay. You stay here and help her. I'll be fine. (Christy smiles, and then leaves.) (Piper and Billie exchange a look. They feel something's not quite right.) [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (Christy slowly walks to the conservatory, making sure no one's around.) (She concentrates.) (Suddenly, The Triad appears before her.) CHRISTY: Somebody's impersonating you. [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FOUR ------------ [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY] (We continue exactly where we left off.) ASMODEUS (TRIAD): What do you mean, impersonating us? How do you know? CHRISTY: Will you keep your voice down? I don't want them to find us together. CANDOR (TRIAD): I always said this plan was taking too long. We should just attck The Charmed Ones while we're here. ASMODEUS (TRIAD): No. We don't have the power yet. BALIEL (TRIAD): And we're not strong enough without it. CANDOR (TRIAD): We don't know that. Besides, someone's already exposed us. ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Yes. The real question is, who? BALIEL (TRIAD): Who else? It has to be Xar. CHRISTY: Xar? Who's Xar? ASMODEUS (TRIAD): A demon, who was once one of us. CANDOR (TRIAD): But one whom we banished. BALIEL (TRIAD): And one who's been looking to avenge that for decades. He's the only one that knows our ways and our desires. CANDOR (TRIAD): So what, he's been sabotaging us? ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Undoubtedly, so he won't have to answer to us. Xar would do anything to keep that from happening. CHRISTY: Well, he may have already succeeded. The Charmed Ones are after you now. Which means I may never get Billie back. ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Yes, you will, just as we promised. You're still the Key, and you're still in perfect position. BALIEL (TRIAD): You're her sister, Christy. Soon, you will show her the way. CANDOR (TRIAD): If we can stop Xar from doing any more damage. [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - DAY] (Billie's scrying with her computer. Piper closes the Book of Shadows. Apparently their search hasn't been successful so far.) (Paige orbs in with Phoebe.) BILLIE: Hey, how'd it go? Was the hot guy a Triad? PHOEBE: He's worse. He's a Cupid. BILLIE: A what? PHOEBE: A Cupid. The Elders sent him down here to help me find true love. How insulting is that? PAIGE: Well, maybe they figure they owe you. PIPER: Well, I wish they'd help with the Triads first, because I have no idea how to vanquish them. PAIGE: Well, what did Cole do? PHOEBE: Well, I don't know. He was a really powerful demon. Probably just as powerful as they were. You know what, Cole is my longest relationship. Is that pathetic or what? PIPER: Actually, you might be onto something. Maybe we need a demon to vanquish them. BILLIE: Are you kidding? Where are we gonna find one of those? PIPER: Well, I don't think we need to, if we just get the Triads to kll each other. PAIGE: Uh... how do you propose we do that? PIPER: I dunno, I'm makin' this up as I go. PHOEBE: Well, what if we don't get them all? PIPER: I don't think we need to. If we just kll one, then we weaken the collective. PAIGE: Kind of like us. PIPER: Exactly. PHOEBE: It's still dicey. PIPER: Dicey's all we got. BILLIE: Well, we better do something fast, or we're not gonna be able to save Christy. PAIGE: Or Leo, for that matter. I mean, if the Triad really is the big thrat. PHOEBE: Then we're in for a huge battle. PIPER: Which means, I need to get the kids out of here. (Piper gets up.) PAIGE: Oh, and I need to go see Henry. (Paige gets up.) PIPER: No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Can't it wait? PAIGE: No, it can't. Look. If something happens to me, I don't want the last thing Henry remembers about us is arguing. PIPER: Well, we don't have a lot of time. PAIGE: I need to do this. Sorry. PIPER: Hurry. (Paige leaves.) (Everyone exchange glances and sighs.) (Flash to...) [INT. UNDERWORLD - XAR'S LAIR] XAR: How did you find me? (Xar slowly turns around, facing the Triad.) ASMODEUS (TRIAD): The witch led us to you, Xar. You should have klled her while you had the chance. XAR: You know me better than that, Asmodeus. I wanted to find out why you needed her. You look tired, old friend. The stress of so many years on the run, no doubt. CANDOR (TRIAD): Those days are behind us. XAR: Perhaps. But the days ahead are few, thanks to me. You'll never save yourselves from The Charmed Ones. BELIAL (TRIAD): That remains to be seen. XAR: Does it? If you had the power to take them on, you would've done so by now. You need more. But now it's too late. ASMODEUS (TRIAD): Your hubris has always been your undoing, Xar. Even in the end. (Candor conjures an energy sphere.) XAR: See you in the wasteland. (Candor throws the energy sphere at Xar, who remains impassive as he explodes.) BELIAL (TRIAD): He's right. The Charmed Ones will be coming for us, and without the power, we'll never be able to defeat them. CANDOR (TRIAD): We don't know that. Besides, we only have to take one out to weaken their Power of Three. BELIAL (TRIAD): But that's our weakness too. That's why we embarked in the plan all those years ago to use Christy. Without the power, we are too closely matched to ensure success. CANDOR (TRIAD): But we don't have a choice, now, do we? It's kll or be klled now. (Flash to...) [INT. POLICE STATION - NIGHT] (Paige enters and quickly walks to Henry.) PAIGE: Ahh... Henry. HENRY: (smiling) Hey. PAIGE: Hey. HENRY: What are you doing here? PAIGE: Uh... I need to talk to you. HENRY: Okay. PAIGE: (grabbing Henry) Will you come with me? HENRY: Yeah, yeah. Wait. Is there something wrong? Are you all right? (Paige drags Henry out in the hallway.) PAIGE: Eeh... I'm okay. Well, uh, no, not really. Umm... I just really wanted to see you just in case. HENRY: Wait, wait, wait. Paige. What's wrong? PAIGE: We're going up against the Triad. HENRY: What does that mean? PAIGE: Well, it means, if we win this battle, it will be a very, very good thing, and we can get Leo back, and everything will be super happy and perfect and I won't even care if you leave the cap off the toothpaste. HENRY: What if you don't win? (Paige shrugs silently.) All right, I'm going with you. We'll do it together. I can't sit here and do nothing. PAIGE: You can't. It has to be just the three of us. HENRY: (nods) All right. When you get back, I'm gonna marry you as soon as I can. At the engagement party. PAIGE: You were supposed to cancel it. HENRY: I guess I didn't. (Paige takes a step forward and kisses Henry.) [INT. MANOR - WYATT'S BEDROOM - NIGHT] (Phoebe walks in pensively. She picks up Wyatt's teddy bear.) COOP: (loudly) Hey! PHOEBE: (gasps) You scared me. COOP: Uh, I'm sorry. (rubbing hands) So, when are we gonna get started? PHOEBE: (holding teddy bear) Don't you have someone else's love life to meddle in? COOP: No. I'm all yours. I mean, yeah, sure, normally we've got forty, fifty jobs, but the Elders thought that you deserved to have me all to yourself. PHOEBE: (sarcastic) Lucky me. Uh... you know what? I'm just really busy right now and I have big issues to deal with, so... COOP: Yeah. I know. I know. And, uh, you're gonna get through this. And then we're gonna get to work. PHOEBE: Has anyone ever told you that you are a big pain in the butt? COOP: Mmm, no. I'm a Cupid. Hey. Good luck. (Coop's heart emits a pink glow that eventually absorbs his body. He disappears.) [INT. MANOR - ATTIC - NIGHT] (Piper, Paige, Billie and Christie are working on their plan. Phoebe comes in.) PHOEBE: Anything? BILLIE: Well, we think they're at magic school. We found a very high concentration of energy there. PHOEBE: So that means we have to fight them there? PAIGE: Does it really matter where we fight them? PIPER: Okay, let's go over the plan again. PAIGE: Divide and conquer, right, that's the plan? PHOEBE: So I can draw out their power... PIPER: And I will freeze one of them. PHOEBE: They are upper-level demons, so they won't freeze for long. PAIGE: They only have to stay frozen long enough for me to orb the last one into position. BILLIE: You know, do you guys think I should go with you? I mean, my projection power could really help. PHOEBE: No. You have to stay here and protect your sister. And you also have to call the Elders if we don't come back. PIPER: Ready? PAIGE: Nope, but let's do it anyway. (Paige stands up. Phoebe and Piper join her. They link hands and orb out.) BILLIE: Whatever happens, we're gonna stick together. CHRISTY: (smiling) Yeah, right, of course. That's what sisters are for, right? (As Billie looks away, Christy's smile fades.) [COMMERCIAL BREAK] PART FIVE ----------- [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - GREAT HALL - NIGHT] (The Triad form a triangle. Energy suspended above their heads spark and glow.) (The three sisters orb beneath a table, out of the Triad's sight.) PHOEBE: (whispering) Okay. How are we supposed to divide and conquer that? PAIGE: (whispering) Maybe we should try to blast 'em while they're distracted. PIPER: I don't think it'll even faze them. (Phoebe walks to the left.) PHOEBE: I'll distract 'em. (But the Triad notices the sisters' presence.) PIPER: Too late. (Candor throws an energy sphere at Piper. Piper blasts it, but the force of the explsin pushes Piper and Paige against the wall, and flings Phoebe down the hallway.) PIPER: Phoebe? PHOEBE: Yeah. Go. (Phoebe runs down the hallway. Asmodeus throws an energy sphere at her, but misses as she throws herself to the floor.) (Candor chases her.) CANDOR (TRIAD): I've got her. ASMODEUS (TRIAD): No! We're stronger together! PAIGE: (shouts) Hey! (Asmodeus throws an energy sphere at Paige. She orbs away just before the energy sphere hits her.) PIPER: (raising) Yoo-hoo. (Baliel throws an energy sphere at her. Piper freezes them.) (Asmodeus and Baliel's movements slow to a blurry crawl.) PIPER: Paige, now. (Paige orbs behind Asmodeus and Baliel.) PAIGE: Triad guy! (Waving her hand, Paige orbs Asmodeus right in front of Baliel's frozen energy sphere.) (Piper unfreezes them.) (Baliel's energy sphere vanquishes Asmodeus.) BELIAL: (screams) Nooo! (Piper triple blasts Belial.) BELIAL: No! (The third blast vanquishes Belial.) (Candor walks up in the hallway just in time to see Belial being vanquished. He immobilizes.) (Phoebe steps out of the study, behind Candor.) PHOEBE: Looking for me? (Candor turns around.) (Candor turns the other way, only to see Paige and Piper in front of him.) (He's cornered.) (Candor silently dissolves into the floor.) PAIGE: (to Phoebe) You okay? PHOEBE: Yeah. I can't believe we did it. PIPER: Well, two out of three. PAIGE: (uncertain) Well, that's all we needed, right? That means we won. PIPER: Well, if we won, where's Leo? I mean, he should be here. I don't understand what went wrong. PHOEBE: Maybe nothing. Maybe there's a bigger thrat out there. [INT. MANOR - MAIN HALL - NIGHT] (The sisters orb in.) PIPER: I don't understand. What could possibly be a bigger thrat than the Triad? (Billie and Christy walk down the stairs.) CHRISTY: Is everything okay? PHOEBE: Well, yeah. We got the Triad, but we do think that there's a bigger thrat out there. CHRISTY: (uneasy) Did they say that? PIPER: No, they didn't have to. Leo would be here. BILLIE: I'm so sorry, Piper. PAIGE: You know, you're gonna get Leo back. (Piper nods.) PIPER: Well, in the meantime, we have an engagement to celebrate. PAIGE: Oh, well, I've been thinking about that, actually, and I will do it on one condition. If we can just turn it into a wedding instead. (The light dims slightly... and the room freezes.) (Except Christy.) (Candor materializes. Christy walks to him.) CHRISTY: What are we supposed to do now? CANDOR (TRIAD): We stay the course. CHRISTY: But how, without the others? CANDOR (TRIAD): It was never about us. It was always about you. (Candor sighs.) We've taught you all we know, shown you the way. Now you must go forward alone, to fulfill your destiny. To unite with the ultimate power. CHRISTY: Billie. CANDOR (TRIAD): This isn't the course either one of us wanted to take, but we don't have a choice now. The end result is all that matters. You must save your sister. (Candor disappears into the floor.) (Christy gets back into position.) (The room unfreezes.) PIPER: Well, absolutely. Although it is kind of short notice. I might need some magical assistance. PHOEBE: (thrilled) Let's do it. (The sisters and Billie leave the room, but Christy stays still.) (Billie stops mid-way and turns to Christy.) BILLIE: Christy, what's wrong? CHRISTY: Oh. Nothing. I'm fine. (Christy follows Billie.) (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - PIPER'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Paige is sitting at the vanity with her hair in curlers, finishing her makeup.) (Piper and Phoebe walk to Paige in their bridesmaids' dresses.) PHOEBE: Are you nervous? PAIGE: Surprisingly, no. PIPER: You're not ready. PAIGE: (takes a deep sigh) I am just kind of stunned this is happening. PHOEBE: Well, believe it. PIPER: Sure you don't want to wear my dress? PAIGE: Yeah. Yeah, I am. PIPER: All right. Let's go conjure you a very special dress. (Phoebe and Piper leave the room, leaving Paige in front of the vanity. She looks peaceful.) (Fade to...) [INT. MANOR - DINING ROOM - DAY] (Downstairs, the house is decorated for a wedding.) (Wyatt's busy swiping a little icing off the wedding cake.) (Henry walks to him and crouches.) HENRY: Hey, Wyatt, how are you? Are you-- hey, what are you doing? You want cake, don't you? WYATT: Yeah. HENRY: I want cake too. Go ahead. You can have that. Let me get my own. Is it good? WYATT: (eats and nods) Yeah. HENRY: (swipes a little icing too) All right. Here, take another one real quick. Quick, before anyone sees. (And so Wyatt does.) Yeah! All right. Let's go before anyone sees. (Henry stands up, and enters...) [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (...the conservatory with Wyatt.) (The conservatory is full with guests that eagerly await the start of the ceremony.) HENRY: Hi, everybody. (To Wyatt) There you go. Stand right over there. MAN: (To Wyatt) Here you go, buddy. (Billie and Christy come in, both smiling.) BILLIE: So, how do you feel? CHRISTY: Like I'm ready to take on the world. (Billie and Christy sit on empty chairs on the first row.) (Piper and Phoebe come in. Piper's holding Chris.) PHOEBE: I wish Leo was here. PIPER: He is. (As Phoebe walks down the aisle, she bumps into a strategically placed elbow.) (Phoebe turns and sees a delighted Coop.) COOP: Oh. Sorry. How's it going? PHOEBE: Did someone invite you here? COOP: What, are you kidding me? I love weddings. (Piper gives Chris to Billie.) [INT. MANOR - STAIRS - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (The stairs' bannister is covered with flowers.) (Paige walks down the stairs, wearing a lovely white dress... and no veil.) (We hear murmurs and subdued laughs.) [INT. MANOR - CONSERVATORY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Paige enters the room. The crowd stands up.) [SLOW MOTION] (Paige walks to Henry, smiling.) (Paige gives Piper her bouquet.) [RESUME MOTION] (The crowd sits back.) (sht of Coop sitting down with the rest of the crowd.) (Paige stops right in front of Henry.) HENRY: (smiling) You look beautiful. PAIGE: (smiling) And you look very handsome. MINISTER: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join Henry and Paige in holy matrimony, in the presence of family and friends. The union of two lives as one is a sacred bond, both solemn and joyful, embracing all that you are, and all that you will be. (We slowly fade to Henry smiling... to Paige smiling widely... to Piper and Phoebe beaming with joy... to Billie and Christy... to Wyatt... and to Coop.) MINISTER: On this day of your marriage, know that everything we love deeply becomes part of us. The trick is learning to receive this love with as much understanding as you give it, and knowing this, you can begin a life together with an open mind and heart. (Fade to Paige.) PAIGE: ...and I vow to honor, to love, and to cherish you each and every day... (Fade to Henry.) HENRY: ...through all the seasons of life, the good times, the bad times, I vow to cherish you each and every day... (Piper smiles widely.) (Paige and Henry exchange wedding rings.) PAIGE: I do. HENRY: I do. MINISTER: You may now kiss the bride. (Henry and Paige kiss.) (The crowd stands up and applauds.) (The camera goes backwards as we slowly...) FADE TO BLACK	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x16 - Engaged and Confused"}	foreverdreaming
FADE IN. [TRIQUETRA] [Scenes from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT -- DAY] (The door opens and Coop walks in. Phoebe, Christy and Billie are sitting on the couch. Phoebe gets to her feet.) COOP: Oh, whoops. This isn't right. CUT TO: (Phoebe and Coop talk.) PHOEBE: Who are you? FLASH TO: [LOGO: TRIQUETRA] ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): (v.o.) Previously on "Charmed" ... [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Coop explains who he is.) COOP: Oh, I'm Cupid. You can call me "Coop." PHOEBE: I don't need help finding true love. COOP: (counters) Apparently you do. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY – DAY] (Paige descends the stairs in her wedding dress.) (Cut to: Henry slips the wedding band on Paige's finger.) PAIGE: I do. HENRY: I do. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X10: Vaya Con Leos] [INT. UNDERWORLD – CAVE – NIGHT] (Piper tearfully explains things to Leo.) PIPER: It's just our screwed up destiny and I have to lose you to save you. CUT TO: (Leo is in a cryogenic chamber. It flashes and freezes Leo inside.) (Piper covers her eyes with her hands.) CUT TO: ANGEL OF DESTINY: If you prevail, he will be returned. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X09: Hulkus Pocus] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL - STUDY - DAY - CONTINUOUS] (Billie talks with Emrick.) BILLIE: What I want is to find the demon that took my sister fifteen years ago. [Scene from 8X11: Mr. and Mrs. Witch] [INT. MANOR – DINING ROOM -- EVENING] (Billie talks with her parents.) BILLIE: I remember a month after she was taken, you guys went back to your pretty little lives like nothing ever happened. CARL JENKINS: You were five. What do you know? CUT TO: [INT. DORM ROOM – DAY] (Billie vows to her mother.) BILLIE: I'm gonna find her, mom. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X15: The Last Temptation of Christy] [Voice over from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT MANOR - PHOEBE'S BEDROOM - DAY] (Billie kneels down in front of her.) BILLIE: Christy, it's okay, you're safe now. (Sniffling, Christy raises her head and looks at Billie.) XAR: (v.o.) A strange, powerful witch appears in the Charmed Ones' lives, just as the Triad is close to achieving its goal. [INT. UNDERWORLD – LAIR] (Candor talks with the other Triad.) CANDOR (TRIAD): It's kll or be klled now. [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY] (Candor sinks back into the floor, vanishing.) PHOEBE: I can't believe we did it! PIPER: Two out of three. [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL – DAY] (Candor appears to Christy in the center of the other witches, all frozen.) CANDOR (TRIAD): Now you must fulfill your destiny to unite with the ultimate power. CHRISTY: Billie ... FADE TO END OF PREVIOUSLY ON FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – FOYER -- DAY] (The doorbell rings. Paige opens the door to Phoebe who is digging through her bag looking for something. Phoebe enters the house) PHOEBE: Ugh! I can't find my keys. (Paige shuts the door behind her.) PAIGE: Oh, that's okay, 'cause you know, it's only an hour or so before I leave for my honeymoon. (Phoebe puts her arm around Paige's shoulders as they walk to the main hall.) PHOEBE: Sorry ... Mrs. Mitchell! PAIGE: Oh, no, no, no. I'm keeping my own last name. PHOEBE: Really? You're not even gonna hyphenate it? PAIGE: Matthews-Mitchell? I'm thinking it sounds like a law firm. PHOEBE: Yeah. PAIGE: Yeah. So, uh ... How's Cupid? PHOEBE: You mean Coop? He's fine, but don't ask. PAIGE: What? I thought you said he was cute. PHOEBE: He is cute, but he is also a magical pain in the – (Phoebe turns to look at the dining room and is shocked.) PHOEBE: Wow! Look at this spread! (The dining room table is filled with lots of breakfast dishes.) PAIGE: Yeah, it's something, isn't it. (Paige quickly takes a seat at the table. Billie, Christy, Wyatt and Chris are already seated.) PIPER: Oh, it's nothing. It's just kinda to wish Paige "bon voyage." CHRISTY: (mutters) It's been like this all week. PIPER: Besides, it's nice to have company again, you know, considering most people in my life are moving on or moving out. PAIGE: (to Phoebe) I'm thinking she means us. (Piper turns and looks at Billie and Christy.) PIPER: Waffles, sweetie? CHRISTY: (telepathically) When'll you rescue me from this? BILLIE: Christy! (Wyatt looks at them.) PHOEBE: Hey, no telepathy at the table. (Piper clears her throat.) CHRISTY: Sorry. PAIGE: Hey, have you guys checked into any of these rumors about students being attcked at Magic School, because, you know, if you need any help with that, I can stay. PHOEBE: Paige. (Paige gets a look from Phoebe.) PAIGE: I'm just saying. (sighs dramatically, drops it and gets to her feet) Fine. I am just a jingle away if you need me. Um -- I'll be in Bora Bora, which is two hours behind, so don't wake me unless you absolutely have to. But it's okay if you have to, you know, it's okay. PIPER: All right, stop it, it's time for gifts. (Phoebe gives Paige an envelope.) PHOEBE: Oh, yeah. Happy honeymoon, from all of us. (Smiling, Paige opens the envelope. Her smile fades.) PAIGE: Um, there's nothing in here. BILLIE: Exactly. Nothing. As in no demons. PIPER: And no warlocks, no complications, a honeymoon that is completely free of distractions. PHOEBE: Except Henry. PIPER: And, before you say anything, don't worry, Phoebe, Billy and I have things completely under control. And, you know, Christy's doing just fine too, CHRISTY: You think? PIPER: Oh, yeah, are you kidding? With the progress you've made? (Piper grabs the pitcher of orange juice to pour when – (Suddenly everyone stops moving.) (Everyone, except Christy.) (Christy looks up and around the room. The room is considerably darker.) (Candor rises from the ground and materializes in the doorway between the dining room and the conservatory.) (Christy turns around and gets up.) CHRISTY: What are you doing here? CANDOR (TRIAD): Your purpose is to lure your sister away from The Charmed Ones -- not become enmeshed yourself. CHRISTY: I don't need you to tell me how to do my job. Now go! Now! (Candor slips back down into the floor and vanishes. Christy turns and takes her seat at the table.) TIME RESUMES (Everyone unfreezes and the room gets brighter.) PIPER: ... you're practically one of us. (Phoebe nods. Wyatt nods, too.) (Christy doesn't seem all that thrilled.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – STAIRS -- DAY] (Paige pulls her suitcase down the stairs while the girls follow behind her, each carrying another suitcase.) PIPER: Are you sure you need this much stuff for Tahiti? PAIGE: Well, you know, it's kind of more for me staying over at Henry's ... forever! Mmph! (And with a final push, she gets the suitcase down in the main hall.) PIPER: Well, I hope he's got a big closet. (to Christy) Although that does leave more room for your stuff. CHRISTY: Oh -- I don't ... have any stuff. PIPER: Well you will have stuff. Every girl needs stuff. We've got tons of stuff, you can have some of our stuff. You gotta wear something. (Christy and Billie look at each other.) CHRISTY: (telepathically) Help. PAIGE: I guess I'd better go. Don't wanna miss my honeymoon. You sure you're gonna be okay without me? PIPER: Well, we won't know until you're gone. (Paige stares at Piper. Piper breaks into a smile.) PIPER: I'm just kidding. Go, have a good time. Don't worry. PAIGE: Okay. I'll go. I'll have fun. I'll wear my sun block. Bye, guys. (Billie waves bye. Paige orbs herself and all her suitcases out.) PIPER: (affectionately) She's gonna drive Henry crazy. BILLIE: (sympathetically) Yeah. (Upstairs, Chris cries.) PIPER: Oh, excuse me. (Piper turns and heads upstairs.) (When she's gone, Christy is quiet. She turns and walks into the sitting room.) BILLIE: Are you okay? CHRISTY: Yeah. Yeah, no. I'm fine. I -- I just kind of feel like, you know, that that should be us. Yeah, moving out and finding our own place. BILLIE: What? Why? This place is great. Plus, we have Book of Shadows, we have potion ingredients and – CHRISTY: Piper ... look, she's great, okay? Really. But part of me feels like ... (quietly) ... she's using us. And I'm gonna explode if she feeds me any more food. BILLIE: She's just trying to help. CHRISTY: I know, but she's not our mom. BILLIE: Speaking of which, mom and dad are in town right now and they wanna see you, they've already come out here twice. CHRISTY: Billie ... (Christy sits down on the sofa.) BILLIE: Come on, can't you just, like, meet them for lunch today? Their plane leaves tonight. Start to get to know them. CHRISTY: I can't. BILLIE: Why not? CHRISTY: Because I'm still angry at them. I know it doesn't make any sense, but part of me feels like they ... abandoned me. I'm just not ... ready to see them right now, okay? (Piper comes down the stairs with Chris.) PIPER: Little guy is hungry. Hey! How about lunch? BILLIE: I can't, I'm meeting my parents. PIPER: Oh, okay. Christy, what about you? (Christy turns around and smiles stiffly at Piper. Grinning, Piper turns and heads for the kitchen.) (Christy turns and smiles stiffly at Billie.) (PRE-LAP) CHRISTY: (v.o.) I swear to God, I think she's trying to kll me. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY -- DAY] (Christy complains to Candor.) CHRISTY: It's like death by dinner. Do you know how hard it is to smile when you're nauseous? CANDOR (TRIAD): Then leave. And take your sister with you. CHRISTY: It's not that simple. I have to draw Billie out without her knowing it. CANDOR (TRIAD): Or letting yourself be drawn in and the longer you take, the greater the chance you'll be distracted from our ultimate goal. CHRISTY: That's not gonna happen. Piper's mothering will see to that. (Off Screen, someone screams in agony.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The torturing of an innocent is in progress. Noxon Demons, Rondok and Pator, use a demonic cattle prod on a young witch and ex-student, Ryan. He writhes in terrible pain on the floor as the demons ZAP him.) RYAN: Aaaaaagh! RONDOK: (gloats) The shoe's on the other foot now, isn't it, huh? RYAN: Aagh! RONDOK: How's it feel, witch? CANDOR (TRIAD): (o.s.) What the hell is going on? (They turn and see Candor and Christy approach. Ryan pants and sees them.) CANDOR (TRIAD): No one is to be here. RONDOK: Back off, old man! (Candor swings his arm and magically throws Rondok up against the wall, pinning him there and crushing him. Rondok grunts.) CANDOR (TRIAD): I am Candor, a Triad, and I will not be disparaged by the likes of you. (Candor makes a fist and squeezes. Rondok's breath tightens. He grunts from pain.) (Meanwhile, Ryan is on the floor watching.) (Christy stands on the side watching.) (Rondok continues to grunt from under the pressure. Rondok's breathing gets faster, angry pain crosses his face and he drops his cattle prod.) ANGLE – THE WITCH, RYAN (Seeing his opportunity, Ryan quickly scrambles past Christy and out the Great Hall.) BACK TO SCENE (Rondok sees Ryan escape.) RONDOK: (barks to Pator) Stop him! (Pator takes a step to chase after him, but Candor holds a hand out and stops him.) CANDOR (TRIAD): Let him go! (Pator stops.) CANDOR (TRIAD): Don't you know we're trying to change the world here? Your witch is nothing compared to that. RONDOK: That witch spent a year torturing us. We deserve our revenge! CANDOR (TRIAD): And you shall have it. But not here and not now. (Waving both hands, Candor shimmers both Rondok and Pator out of the Great Hall.) CANDOR (TRIAD): (to Christy) Now, then. Back to your sister. (He smiles at her.) CUT TO: [EXT. HOTEL (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. HOTEL ROOM – DAY] (Billie talks with her parents, Helen and Carl Jenkins.) HELEN JENKINS: (upset) Why wouldn't she wanna see us? (She sighs.) HELEN JENKINS: I just don't understand. BILLIE: I know, mom. You know, she's just been through a lot. CARL JENKINS: Well, it's obvious to me she still blames us. HELEN JENKINS: Well then why can't she talk to us and tell us that then? Wait. Billie, is she still hearing voices? BILLIE: No, no. But you know Piper was just saying how much progress she's made. I don't know, when it comes to you guys, there's just something holding her back. HELEN JENKINS: (hopeful) You think maybe there's a chance she might get over that "something" by tonight? You can tell her we'll meet her anywhere for however long. I just -- I would just talk to her on the phone – (Her voice breaks. Carl puts his arms around her.) CARL JENKINS: we just want some kind of contact. BILLIE: I know. I know. And I've tried talking to her, I -- (She sighs.) Let me just see what I can do. (Billie hugs her mom.) HELEN JENKINS: Thank you, honey. BILLIE: You're welcome. (Billie heads for the door.) CARL JENKINS: Billie, look. I need you to tell Christy something for me, okay? Tell her we love her. We do. But that I won't keep putting your mother through this. I can't. If she won't see us now, we're not flying out here again. (Billie nods, turns and heads out.) CUT TO: [EXT. SIDEWALK – DAY] (Phoebe is walking along the sidewalk. She passes by a parked taxi cab with a KQSF 108.6 ad on the roof.) (Coop steps out from nowhere and joins her.) PHOEBE: (groans) Okay. Oh, no. Not you again. COOP: Yep, me again. Can't run for long, Phoebe, you know that. (Phoebe puts her ear phones in her ear.) PHOEBE: Oh. Does it look like I'm running? Because I'm not running. I'm walking. (She crosses the street. After a bat, Coop follows her.) CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT -- DAY] (The door opens and Phoebe returns home. She's carrying a plastic bag of sundries. Coop is already there, sitting in a chair, waiting for her.) COOP: All right, so answer me this. When's the last time you had a date? (Phoebe closes the front door, passes Coop and heads for the kitchen.) PHOEBE: I have dates all the time, thank you very much. COOP: (scoffs) Come on, I mean a real date. You know, one that takes your breath away, where it's the first thing that you think about when you wake up in the morning. PHOEBE: Actually, it hasn't been that long. COOP: Yeah? How long? PHOEBE: Uh – well -- it's, uh -- (She thinks about it. After a long, long moment, it's apparent, she can't remember. Coop chuckles.) PHOEBE: Okay, you know what? Maybe it has, but -- So what? (She grabs stuff from the plastic bag.) COOP: Christ, it's not natural. Especially not for you. I mean, you're all about love. You always have been. I mean, now you're resisting it and you don't even realize it. PHOEBE: Okay, you just have it all figured out. (Phoebe heads for the bedroom.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – BEDROOM – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (She opens the door and finds Coop sitting in her bead, leaning up against the headboard.) COOP: It's my job. It's what I do. (Phoebe sighs heavily. As Coop talks, she puts her stuff away.) COOP: You know? It's not your fault, Phoebe. You made a lot of sacrifices for the greater good and they've taken their toll. But ... that's why the Elders sent me. (He gets up.) COOP: To help. (Phoebe turns around. Coop raises his hand over Phoebe's heart and his Cupid's ring glows. A golden shimmer starts from Phoebe's heart and completely covers her, blocking Coop.) PHOEBE: Okay. What is that? What are you doing? (Coop chuckles.) COOP: I'm not doing anything. It's what you're doing. It's coming from your heart. (He stops.) COOP: I don't know, some kind of an energy field in you. Uh, a block. It's preventing you from even being open to love. Well, any idea what's causing it? PHOEBE: No. I didn't even know I had it. COOP: Well, all the more reason to get going. PHOEBE: Get going where -- ? Where are we going? COOP: To figure out what's causing the block. Ready? (He takes her hands and with a flash, they're gone.) CUT TO: [INT. DEXTER'S LOFT – DAY -- PAST] NEWSCASTER: (from tv, o.s.) Well, it's that time of year again. (Coop and Phoebe flash in behind a red tool chest.) NEWSCASTER: (from tv, o.s.) The historic Golden Gate Bridge is getting a makeover. And it seems like ... PHOEBE: Are we in the past? COOP: Shh! We don't wanna disrupt them. It could change the future. NEWSCASTER: (from tv, o.s.) it's signature, red-orange paint ... INSERT: CLIP #1 [Scene from 8X05: Rewitched] (Using the remote, Past Dex turns the television off. Just then, there's a knock at the door. Past Dex goes to answer it.) (Present Phoebe and Dex hunch down as Past Phoebe talks with Past Dex.) PAST PHOEBE: (o.s.) Can I come in? PAST DEX: Yeah, sure. (Past Phoebe walks into the loft.) PAST DEX: If you're looking for Julie, she's not here. PAST PHOEBE: Well, that's not entirely true. PAST DEX: Sorry? PAST PHOEBE: I wish that there was an easy way to explain this ... to you, to lessen the blow, but ... there isn't. So ... (She sighs.) PAST PHOEBE: I'm just gonna ... show you. PAST DEX: Show me what? PAST PHOEBE: Forgive me. (Past Phoebe glamours into Julie.) (Past Dex falls backward to the floor as he passes out. Past Phoebe glamours back to herself. Sad, she turns to leave.) (Coop and Phoebe hunch back down behind the red tool chest.) COOP: Oh. I guess, uh -- mortals and magic don't always mix, huh? PHOEBE: Gee, ya think? COOP: Well, I mean, still it's just -- it's just one little incident. Certainly not enough to cause the block like the one you have. PHOEBE: Believe me, this is just the latest one. There are many, many more. COOP: Really? (He holds his hand out.) Show me. (Phoebe's about to protest, but he points to his hand. She grasps it and they flash out.) CUT TO: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – SITTING ROOM – DAY]] (Christy is in the sitting room when Billie returns. She closes the front door and sees Christy.) BILLIE: Aw. Hey, look at you. CHRISTY: (less than enthused) Yeah, look at me. BILLIE: What? That dress looks great. CHRISTY: No it doesn't. (She stands up.) But it's Piper's. She altered it for me. BILLIE: That's so sweet. CHRISTY: No, it's not sweet. I mean, yeah, okay, it's sweet, but it's just weird. You know? I-- I mean, we're not her sisters. You and I are sisters. BILLIE: Oh, she's just overcompensating, you know? It's that whole empty nest thing. Besides, I think mom and dad would really like to see you in it. CHRISTY: Again, with mom and dad? BILLIE: Yes, and you know why? Because dad said if you don't see them tonight, they're not coming back out. CHRISTY: Well, from what you said, Billie, that sounds like dad being dad. BILLIE: No, it's not! Look, they don't know what's going on with you. Neither do I. CHRISTY: But Billie, I told you what was going on with me. BILLIE: Yeah, but you keep talking about this whole family bond thing. Without our parents we're only half of what we should be. (Just then, the door bell rings ... and rings.) [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL/FOYER – DAY] DING-DONG. DING-DONG! (Piper hurries down the stairs. She sees Billie with Christy.) PIPER: Coming! Doesn't she look great? (Christy rolls her eyes.) (The doorbell continues ringing desperately and changes to knocking.) PIPER: (calls out) All right, already! Sheesh! (Piper opens the door. A dark-haired, desperate teen JEN is supporting the injured Ryan, his arm around her shoulder as she half-carries him into the manor.) JEN: (urgently) We need to see Leo, fast ... PIPER: Uh, hello. (Piper closes the door. Billie and Christy step out to see what's going on. From their angle and view, Jen and Ryan's backs are half-turned as they talk with Piper – enough for Christy to recognize Ryan, but not for Ryan to see her.) PIPER: Uh, who are you? JEN: Leo's students, from Magic School. RYAN: Demons are trying to kll us. (Christy steps to the side to hide behind the wall. Billie steps closer to help.) PIPER: Oh. Okay, well take it easy. Let's go this way. Easy. (Piper helps move them to the living room.) PIPER: Easy. Oh. Easy. Easy. (Close-on Christy as she's too close to getting found out.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – LIVING ROOM – DAY] (Piper and Jen help Ryan onto the couch.) BILLIE: Maybe we should call Paige so she can heal him. (In the background, we see Christy step out briefly to glance at them, then quickly duck back behind the wall.) RYAN: No, I'm fine. Really. JEN: You're not fine, Ryan. They nearly klled you. PIPER: Uh, who is "they"? JEN: The Noxon demons, Leo knows all about them. PIPER: Okay, well, humor me for a second. JEN: He trapped them in magic school so he could use them for our advanced combat class. (off Piper's blank look) Didn't he tell you? RYAN: You are Piper Halliwell, aren't you? PIPER: Well, yeah. Of course I am. But -- you know, he didn't ... he doesn't always tell me everything. BILLIE: Okay, why are they after you? JEN: To get even with us. With the whole class. Somehow they got out and now they're hunting us down (Christy leaves the room and heads toward the kitchen.) PIPER: By "hunting" you mean-- RYAN: There were five of us in the class. But only Jen and I are left. JEN: Barely. Leo said if we ever ran into trouble to come here. So. Where is he? PIPER: Uh -- well, he is not here right now. And he probably won't be home for some time. RYAN: Can't you call him? PIPER: (avoiding) Uh -- he doesn't have his cell phone on him. But, you know what? That's okay. I can handle this. Don't panic. Don't worry. Why don't you and Christy go check the Book? BILLIE: Okay. (Billie turns to go get Christy.) JEN: But you don't understand. They can't be vanquished, at least not permanently. PIPER: What does that mean? What do you mean by that exactly? RYAN: Other demons experimented on them, made them unvanquishable. That's why Leo wanted them, so he could keep practicing on them. RYAN: Let's get outta here. (Ryan gets up. Jen stands up to support him.) PIPER: Wait, you can't go anywhere. You can barely walk. RYAN: Look, if we don't keep moving we're dad. Leo was the only one who knew how to stop them and he's not here. PIPER: Okay, then what am I? Chopped liver? Listen, Leo is my husband and if he sent you here for help, then help is what you're gonna get. [INT. MANOR – KITCHEN – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Billie finds Christy hiding in the kitchen.) BILLIE: Christy, come on. Piper and those kids need our help. (Christy pours herself a glass of orange juice.) CHRISTY: I just-- I can't be near any more demons anymore, okay? Not after everything I've been through. BILLIE: Okay, I understand that, but they're not after you so you don't have to worry. Nothing is gonna happen to you, I promise. CHRISTY: You said that last time. BILLIE: Well -- I know, but this time I mean it. Look, Christy, you can use your powers to help people now. We can do it together. It's a great thing. It can make up for a lot of bad stuff. Now, can we just go back out there and help Piper, please? CHRISTY: I can't. Because then we'll ... we'll miss mom and dad. BILLIE: What? CHRISTY: Well, you said they were leaving, right? We don't wanna miss them. Piper can take care of them. Come on. Let's go. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – DAY] (Rondok paces in a disgusted warehouse. Pator sits in a chair.) PATOR: (consoling) It's not as bad as it seems. RONDOK: No? That Triad sent us off like a pair of low-level demons. PATOR: We are low-level demons. RONDOK: He made us lose the witch, stood between us and revenge ... (resolved) -- still, we will make him pay. PATOR: Rondok. That was a Triad. (Pator gets to his feet.) If we anger him again, he won't just banish us. He'll send us to a fate worse than death. RONDOK: Have you forgotten how we've been made to suffer already, brother? Trapped. Used. Hammered with spells, splattered with potions, vanquished over and over without a care for the humiliation we had to endure. PATOR: No. No one could forget that. RONDOK: We only have two witches left to catch and make suffer. We will find them. We must. (Pator smiles at Rondok's resolve.) CUT TO: [INT MANOR – PATIO – DAY – FLASHBACK] PHOEBE: Now where are we? (Phoebe and Coop are hunched down behind a flower bush.) COOP: This is your past. I'm just following your heart. (spots something off screen) Whoa. INSERT: CLIP #2: [Scene from 2X14: Pardon My Past] (Past Phoebe, in a 1920's red flapper's dress, steps up to the open door. Anton steps up behind her, puts his arms around her and pushes her up against the wall.) (Coop and Phoebe watch from the bushes.) COOP: (under his breath) Man. PAST ANTON: I've been looking all over for you. (Anton and Past Phoebe kiss. Hot!) (Phoebe looks at Coop.) COOP: (appreciatively) Nice. PHOEBE: You went back too far. This isn't my past, this is my past life. COOP: Yeah, but still, your all right? This can be telling. (then, re: Past- Phoebe) Oh, it's very, very telling. (He goes back to watching them and chuckles appreciatively. Phoebe slaps him on his arm.) (Anton's hand strokes down Past Phoebe's arm ... and down her outer thigh ... ) (Phoebe tries to cover Coop's eyes to stop him from watching what she knows is about to happen.) (Anton's hands slides back up Past Phoebe's thighs taking her dress with her.) (Their other hands are entwined up against the wall.) (Coop is all smiles, completely enjoying the show, while Phoebe's got her hands pressed against her eyes. She's too embarrassed. She pulls up her collar around her.) (Finally, their kiss ends.) PAST PHOEBE: Why must you tease me, Anton? (Phoebe laughs.) COOP: Well, that was very ... intimate, um -- why didn't that one work out? PHOEBE: My sisters had to vanquish him because he was a demon. CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – SITTING ROOM – NIGHT -- PAST] (Anton is on fre and screaming. He explodes.) BACK TO SCENE. COOP: Yeah. That'll ruin a relationship. That was the only demon you knew, though. Wasn't it? PHOEBE: (scoffs) Hardly. CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – NIGHT -- PAST] (With a flash, Coop and Phoebe appear hunched behind a row of chairs. They watch Past Phoebe with Drake.) INSERT: CLIP #3 [Scene from 7X16: Seven Year Witch] DRAKE: I couldn't think of a better day to die. PAST PHOEBE: Hm. DRAKE: Sorry. I also helped you find love, didn't I? PAST PHOEBE: Hm. DRAKE: Come on. I did. Didn't I? I did, I sure did. (Coop looks at Phoebe.) PAST PHOEBE: You did. DRAKE: Hm. Close one. If that doesn't get me in heaven, I don't know what will. (Coop looks at Phoebe.) COOP: Hmm. You liked him, didn't you? PHOEBE: Yeah. Too bad he only had a year to live and this was his last day. COOP: Yeah. That is too bad. (They go back to watching Past Phoebe with Drake.) PAST PHOEBE: I guess I fell for the right guy this time. DRAKE: Alas: Pumpkin time. Would not need you watching my messy demise. (Drake gets up. Phoebe stops him and pulls him back to sit down next to her. They kiss.) DRAKE: (whispers) Think of me when you dance. I'll miss you. (Coop watches Phoebe watch them.) (Drake gets up and walks out of the Great Hall. He does a Gene Kelly foot slide out of the room and into the hallway.) (The doors start to close behind him.) PAST PHOEBE: I'll miss you. (The doors close.) (Coop takes her hands.) COOP: I think I'm beginning to understand. (And they flash out.) CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – LIVING ROOM – DAY – PRESENT] (They flash in.) COOP: (sighs) You know, love wouldn't be love without a few heartbreaks. It's like a mating dance, you know? Helps you find out what you're really looking for. PHOEBE: Yeah, but I've had more than just a few heartbreaks. I mean, it's been like this for the last seven and a half years. I'm just -- I'm tired of it. (They sit down.) COOP: Oh, come on. Couldn't have been that bad. You must've had some successes over that time, right? What was the longest relationship you ever had? (bat) PHOEBE: Cole. CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- DAY] (POOF! A white cloud rises from the potions cauldron. Piper puts the container she's holding down. Jen and Ryan are in the attic.) PIPER: Okay, so the next time the Noxons attck we'll be ready for them. RYAN: What about the whole "unvanquishable" thing? PIPER: Well, you know, magic school rules don't always apply to the outside world. It's kinda like Vegas. Listen, really, if Leo is concerned he would've mentioned something to me before. RYAN: Are you sure? Because -- PIPER: Positive. Just, you know, when they show up just stand back and watch out. RYAN: You sure you don't want us to help? JEN: We can, you know? Leo taught us -- PIPER: (interrupts) Yeah, but that was school. And this is kind of real. So, you know -- Look, you came here for protection. So let me protect you, okay? That's that. (The Noxon Demons shimmer into the attic behind Piper. Jen and Ryan stare at them speechless. By the looks on their faces, Piper can guess what they're looking at.) PIPER: (whispers) Get down! (Ryan pushes Jen off to the side just as Pator powers up and throws a fireball at them.) (The fireball hits the couch, missing them.) (Piper turns and throws a potion. Rondok intercepts it, blwing it up in the air.) (Pator throws a fireball at Piper. She ducks and the fireball misses her.) (Piper throws a potion at Pator and hits him square in the chest. Pator screams.) PATOR: Aaaah! (Ryan gets up from behind the couch to watch.) (Pator starts to break up as he screams.) PATOR: Argggh! (But Ryan's seen this before.) RYAN: He's coming back! (As Piper watches, Pator does indeed come back.) PATOR: Aaargh! (Rondok steps forward and puts his hands on Pator's shoulders. He shimmers them both out.) (Piper turns to look at Ryan and Jen.) PIPER: (sheepishly) Okay. So, I may have underestimated this unvanquishable stuff just a little bit. (Camera holds on Piper.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. PARK -- DAY] (Billie and Christy are walking through the park. Billie stops when she sees something in front of them.) BILLIE: Hey, there they are. (In the distance, their parents, Helen and Carl, are sitting on a park bench. Billie starts forward. Christy stops her.) CHRISTY: Wait. What if I'm not what they expect? What if I'm not what they want? Tell them I got sick. BILLIE: No! CHRISTY: Billie ... (In the distance, Helen turns and sees them. Her face lights up with a smile.) BILLIE: Look, you were held cptive by demons for fifteen years. You can handle fifteen minutes with mom and dad. (Helen stands up.) BILLIE: Come on. (Billie grabs Christy's hand and pulls her toward their parents.) (When she reaches them, Helen gives Christy a hug as Carl watches. Christy's arms are stiffly by her side.) (Billie stands on the side watching her mom cry.) HELEN JENKINS: Oh. Baby! (She sighs and cries. Carl smiles.) HELEN JENKINS: Oh! I'm so glad to see you. (She laughs.) CHRISTY: Yeah, you too. (Christy turns around and can barely look at her father. Carl gives her a hug.) CARL JENKINS: Oh, thank god. HELEN JENKINS: Okay, come. (Helen and Christy sit.) HELEN JENKINS: I just wanna look at you for a minute. You're so beautiful. You are, really. You'd never know anything ever happened. (Carl sits down next to Christy.) CARL JENKINS: So, how are you feeling? Okay? CHRISTY: Yeah, I'm okay. (Helen and Carl smiles.) CHRISTY: Billie's taking good care of me. BILLIE: Well, yes. And the sisters. HELEN JENKINS: I'm not surprised, you two were always so close ... hm? (Billie's phone rings.) BILLIE: It's Piper. Sorry, I gotta take this. (She answers it.) CHRISTY: (telepathically) Don't leave me here! BILLIE: Relax. You're doing fine. (to phone) Hello? INTERCUT WITH: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Piper is talking softly on the phone while Ryan and Jen are in the back cleaning up.) PIPER: (from phone) Billie? I need you. BILLIE: Um, Piper, I can't really talk right now, I'm kinda in the middle of something very important. PIPER: (from phone) I know, and I'm really sorry. But the noxons just attcked here. BILLIE: And? PIPER: Honestly, I have no idea how to vanquish them. (She sighs.) BILLIE: Okay, all right. I'm coming over. Bye. (hangs up) You guys, I'm sorry. I really have to go. Piper needs me. CARL JENKINS: Is everything all right? BILLIE: Yeah you know -- just one of many crisis. All right, um -- I'll meet you guys back at the hotel, okay? (Billie blows them a kiss, turns and leaves. Christy glares at Billie's back.) CHRISTY: (telepathically) I hate you. (Billie turns around and makes a face at Christy.) (Christy turn and gives an uncomfortable smile to her mom.) HELEN JENKINS: So -- CHRISTY: Can I ask you a question? HELEN JENKINS: Of course you can, honey. You can ask us anything. CHRISTY: How hard did you look for me? CARL JENKINS: Oh. HELEN JENKINS: Oh, baby. CARL JENKINS: We tried everything we could think of, honey -- tracked down every lead we could find ... but even with all that, you were just -- you were some place we couldn't go. HELEN JENKINS: That's why this is such a miracle. (Helen hugs Christy. Christy smiles briefly.) CHRISTY: Yeah, it is. (In her mind, Christy hears another voice.) CANDOR (TRIAD): (telepathically) What are you doing? CHRISTY: (out loud) Leave me alone. CARL JENKINS: Christie, are you all right? CANDOR (TRIAD): (telepathically) Do not go down this path. CHRISTY: Show yourself. (Suddenly everyone in the park stops.) (Everyone, except Christy.) (Everything appears considerably darker.) (Christy gets up off the park bench just as Candor rises up from the ground.) CHRISTY: How dare you interrupt me? CANDOR (TRIAD): You gave me no choice. Every step you take toward your mortal family is a step away from our ultimate goal. CHRISTY: I had to come see them. Otherwise Billie would've gotten suspicious. CANDOR (TRIAD): Perhaps, but they're swaying you and you know it. Don't make me take matters into my own hands. CHRISTY: Don't you thrat me. (fre engulfs Candor. He looks down at the fre consuming him as though it were nothing but an illusion. The fre disappears.) CANDOR (TRIAD): You don't have the power to destroy me. And you won't, either, until you're free of the ties that bind. (Candor sinks down into the ground and vanishes.) TIME RESUMES. (Helen and Carl look around, noting that Christy has disappeared. Carl turns and sees Christy standing a distance away, her back to them.) CARL JENKINS: Christy! HELEN JENKINS: Baby! (Christy turns around.) HELEN JENKINS: What happened? (Christy doesn't say anything.) (PRE-LAP) PIPER: (v.o.) What can I say? Desperate times call for desperate measures. CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- DAY] (Piper has her hands full of crystals and places them down on the floor.) PIPER: Look, Leo's just seriously indisposed at the moment. We can't call him, we can't ask him anything. JEN: Then what do we do? PIPER: (sighs) We batten down the hatches with the crystals and come up with a new plan. RYAN: And us? PIPER: You guys stay up here, where you are protected. I'll deal with the rest. (Piper puts the rest of the crystals back in the box.) RYAN: We could help. You know, Leo would want us -- PIPER: (interrupts) Look, Leo is gone, okay? I'm all you've got. Deal with it. I do. (Piper turns and leaves the attic.) [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Billie walks in.) BILLIE: Oh, listen, I've gotta get back, so what's the plan? (Piper comes down the stairs with the box of crystals.) PIPER: Here. Take your crystal. We are covering the house. (Billie's not impressed. She takes a couple of crystals anyway.) BILLIE: That's it? PIPER: Yes. Apparently Leo was the only one who knew how to vanquish these demons and he didn't leave me instructions. BILLIE: Well, maybe we should call Paige and Phoebe. PIPER: No, Paige hasn't even been on her honeymoon 24 hours yet and I already called Phoebe, she's not answering. BILLIE: That's not good. PIPER: No, she's fine. She's with a Cupid. Only God knows what they're doing. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS -- DAY] (CLOSE-UP: The campus activity board is cluttered with posters and announcements.) (Phoebe and Coop flash in. Coop looks around. Phoebe recognizes the place immediately.) COOP: So where's this? PHOEBE: Where Cole and I first met. INSERT: CLIP #4 [Scene from 3X01: The Honeymoon's Over] (Phoebe peers around the board and sees Past Phoebe walking down the path. Cole rushes up behind her trying to catch up with her.) (Cole taps her on her shoulder.) (Past Phoebe whirls around ... PAST PHOEBE: Hi-ya..! (And tries to kick him. Cole catches her leg by her ankle.) PAST PHOEBE: Oh-- oh. (Cole chuckles. Past Phoebe's aghast.) PAST PHOEBE: Cole! (He still has a hold on her ankle.) PAST COLE: (chuckles) Hi. How's it going? PAST PHOEBE: Oh— (She laughs.) (Peering behind the announcements board, Coop smiles. Phoebe doesn't smile.) COOP: Ah. The cute meet. PHOEBE: Yeah, but he was just setting me up. (In front of them, the scene unfolds.) PAST PHOEBE: Wow. Is this embarrassing. (She looks at Cole's hold on her ankle.) PAST PHOEBE: Uh-- I-- I'm— PAST COLE: It's okay. I'm okay. Ha. PAST PHOEBE: Oh, um-- PAST COLE: Nice calve. PAST PHOEBE: Oh. Thanks. Can I have it back? PAST COLE: Sure. Sure. (Cole let's go of her calf.) PAST PHOEBE: Okay. (Coop smiles.) COOP: Still, I can tell you were attracted to him, and him to you. PHOEBE: Just another demon. COOP: Oh, come on, Phoebe. It couldn't have been "just" another demon, you married the guy. You had to have at least loved him. PHOEBE: (nods) I did. COOP: So what happened? PHOEBE: Same thing that always happens. (She looks at Cole who is smiling at her younger self.) (Phoebe looks away. She's ready to go.) CUT TO: [INT. DOPPLE MANOR - MAIN HALL / SITTING ROOM – NIGHT – PAST (AU)] (Coop and Phoebe flash into the alternate universe manor. From the next room, they hear voices.) INSERT CLIP #5 [Scene from 5X12: Centennial Charmed] PAST PAIGE: (o.s.) Phoebe, are you crazy? Throw it before he shimmers out. (Phoebe rushes forward and ducks up against the wall to see the scene unfold in front of them.) PAST COLE: (o.s.) Here we go. She's not gonna throw it. Are you? PAST PAIGE: (o.s.) Throw the potion. PAST COLE: We've been through so much together. Haven't we? Our love's so strong, nothing can destroy it, not even ... this. We're meant to be together. PAST PHOEBE: I don't think so. (Past Phoebe throws the vial at Cole with all her strength. The potion hits Cole and he immediately bursts into flames. He yells out in pain as the flames consume him. Cole explodes.) (Coop pulls Phoebe to him, protecting her from the blast.) PHOEBE: Seen enough? COOP: (nods) To understand the block, yeah – (He takes her hands in his.) But now I need to show you why they say that it's better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all. (They flash out.) CUT TO: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY -- DAY] (Piper is placing crystals along the Conservatory windows.) PIPER: I just knew something terrible like this was going to happen. (Billie is also placing crystals along the windows.) BILLIE: Well, you know, I don't think Leo knew the demons would escape. PIPER: It's just I feel like there was so much about his life that I didn't know, his past life, this life and it's bad enough that my kids don't have a dad -- BILLIE: It's gonna be okay. Come on. You have powers, I have powers, the boys are safe. We can handle this, don't worry. (Paige orbs in carrying a tropical drink with a little umbrella in it.) PAIGE: Hello! Oh, don't worry, it's virgin. PIPER: Paige, what are you doing here? PAIGE: You know, I just had some time in my sparse schedule and I thought I'd kinda come by and check on things, 'cause I missed you guys a little bit, maybe -- why are there crystals kinda of, uh ... around? PIPER: Crystals? Uh -- Hm. BILLIE: It's, you know. It's nothing, it's just to make sure we don't have any trouble. PAIGE: Are you expecting trouble? BILLIE: Nope. PIPER: Not at all. (Paige suspects they're lying.) BILLIE: No. No, it's just precaution. You know, while you're on your honeymoon. PIPER: Hey, how's that going? PAIGE: It's fantastic. PIPER: Good, good, good. You should get back to it. Go, you know? Go see your husband. PAIGE: Golly. Whoo. "Husband," that sounds weird. You're right. Bye, guys. (Paige orbs out.) (Piper sighs heavily.) PIPER: Back to our demons. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE -- DAY] (Rondok and Pator talk.) RONDOK: I know we can do this, Pator. Just like I knew the students would lead us to Leo. PATOR: But to go back so soon -- his wife's The Charmed One. And the vanquishes are excruciating. (Rondok puts a hand on Pator's shoulder.) RONDOK: Still, even she can't make them last, otherwise she would've. Attacking again is the only way to draw Leo out for our ultimate revenge. CANDOR (TRIAD): (o.s.) Unfortunately, it is a revenge beyond your reach. (They turn and see Candor standing there.) CANDOR (TRIAD): You don't have the power to destroy a Charmed one. Uh, not without my help. RONDOK: So now you're willing to help us? CANDOR (TRIAD): If you first help me remove a small ... obstacle to my goals. One that even you can handle, I assure you. Then we all get what we want. Interested? (Pator looks at Rondok who considers the offer.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (BAM! A smoke cloud plumes from the potions pot after Billie tosses something inside it. Billie shrieks and pulls back.) BILLIE: Whoo! (She swooshes the smoke away with her hand.) (Piper is going through papers from a file box.) PIPER: You all right? BILLIE: Yeah. You know, I figured if we can't vanquish them, we might as well give them something to think about. Unless maybe you found something. PIPER: No ... just Magic School memos, course studies, field trips Leo was planning. (reflective) I guess I should've asked him how his day was more often. BILLIE: Well, you guys have busy lives. PIPER: Yeah, but at least if we had talked a little bit more I might be closer to finding the solution for this. (Ryan and Jen step into the attic.) RYAN & JEN: (amped) We've got a solution. PIPER: To what? JEN: Vanquishing the Noxons once and for all. RYAN: (proud) We used the astral plane. BILLIE: Wait. The astral what? RYAN: Astral plane. According to Leo, in the astral plane time stops. JEN: Which means anyone transported there can't move forward in time. PIPER: Mm-hm. What does that have to do with the Noxons? RYAN: If we vanquish them and send them to the astral plane before they can regenerate they'll be trapped there, forever -- JEN: -- in perpetual vanquish. PIPER: Okay, but we can't even get close enough to them to send them anywhere. JEN: We could if they were distracted. PIPER: By what? RYAN: By what they've been after. PIPER: You guys wanna use yourselves as bait? RYAN: Leo always said to use our powers for good. Well, we wanna use them to stop these demons. PIPER: Look, I understand the enthusiasm. Really, I do. But I can't risk it. RYAN: Why not? We're the ones willing to take the risk. PIPER: I don't think Leo would want you to do that. RYAN: Well, I think he would. PIPER: Well, you don't know that. RYAN: And you do? (It's a stand-off. Piper's not backing down. She turns and looks away.) CUT TO: [EXT. GOLDEN PARK BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] PHOEBE: (v.o.) Okay, you know what? I don't wanna do this anymore. [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe's had enough.) COOP: Wait, there's something else. PHOEBE: What? COOP: Well, the way all of your relationships have ended, I'm surprised your block's not as big as a house. PHOEBE: Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm talking about. Thank you. COOP: But what about they all started? PHOEBE: ... What? COOP: Oh, come on. The way that love begins. You know, when your eyes meet from across the room, for the first time, and you see each other and everything is just right. And you know, there's that moment, there's the ... the spark! PHOEBE: I have no idea what you're talking about. COOP: (chuckles) Yeah. No, that's my point. With everything that's happened to you and that is what you've forgotten. (He moves around her and puts a hand on her shoulder.) COOP: And that is what you need to remember. (With his other hand, he makes a fist. His Cupid's ring glows and he opens his hand. A light appears where he shows her another memory from her past.) INSERT: CLIPS #6 [Scene from 5X16: Baby's First Demon] [INT. BAY MIRROR - BULLPEN – DAY (HOLOGRAM)] (Past Phoebe is handing out pictures of her nephew.) PAST PHOEBE: You are looking at 6 lbs, 8 oz of pure deliciousness. (Jason Dean steps forward to look at the photos.) JASON DEAN: How old is he? PAST PHOEBE: Three weeks today. JASON DEAN: You look pretty good for a woman who had a baby three weeks ago. (Introduces himself.) JASON DEAN: Jason Dean. (Coop looks at Phoebe.) COOP: Spark ... [Scene from 6X06: My Three Witches] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – JASON'S OFFICE – NIGHT (HOLOGRAM)] (Phoebe sits on Jason's lap, her arms around him.) PAST PHOEBE: You've got me, Jason Dean. I'm yours. (And they kiss.) (The image fades.) (Coop smiles.) COOP: Remember that one? [Scene from 7X01: A Call to Arms] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – DAY (HOLOGRAM)] (Leslie St. Claire looks up from the desk and smiles.) PAST LESLIE ST. CLAIRE: (to the phone) I, uh -- I'd better call you back. (to Phoebe) Hi ... I hope it's okay. I just wanted to get started. PAST PHOEBE: (to Elise) Leslie? PAST ELISE ROTHMAN: Surprise! (He holds out his hand.) PAST LESLIE ST. CLAIRE: You can call me "Les." (Past Phoebe reaches over and clasps his hand.) (She feels it.) (She jerks her hand out from his and looks up at the ceiling as she backs away from him.) PAST PHOEBE: Oh! Not again. (Coop watches Phoebe carefully. Phoebe starts to smile as she shakes her head.) [Scene from 7X14: Carpe Demon] [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL – DAY (HOLOGRAM)] (Dressed like a ‘50's musical, Drake and Past Phoebe dance.) BACK TO SCENE. (As they dance in the hologram, Coop and Phoebe watch.) PHOEBE: Enough ... enough. (Coop closes the hologram.) (Phoebe sighs.) COOP: All right. Don't you see? Phoebe, it's – (He turns her around to face him.) It's about the way love begins when it's -- when it's uncensored. Unmatched when it's pure. And that's what you need to believe in. (He tries again. He wiggles his fingers and holds out his hand over her heart. His cupid's ring glows and a golden shimmer spreads over her.) (This time, the shimmer bursts through Phoebe's block. They both laugh.) PHOEBE: Is it gone? COOP: Oh, yeah. You're ready. PHOEBE: For what? COOP: To begin again. (Phoebe sighs.) CUT TO: [INT. HOTEL – HALLWAY -- DAY] (Helen, Carl and Christy Jenkins walk through the hallway on their way to the room.) CHRISTY: Well it looks like you've done well for yourself, huh, dad? CARL JENKINS: Yeah. But I would've traded it all for you in a second. Know that. CHRISTY: I know. CARL JENKINS: Well, I'd better go down and settle the bill. I'll be right back. (He kisses Christy on her forehead and leaves.) [INT. HOTEL – ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The door opens. Helen and Christy enter the hotel room. Helen closes the door. She's really happy.) HELEN JENKINS: Well -- Oh, I just don't want this to end. You know, maybe next time you and Billie can come back home. Huh? CHRISTY: Yeah, maybe. There's just a few things we have to deal with first. But it'd be nice. HELEN JENKINS: Honey, are you sure everything's okay? After what happened in the park, I'm just -- CHRISTY: Yeah, everything is fine. There's just some things that I have to shake from my past. But I will. HELEN JENKINS: Yes. You will. (She chuckles.) (Christy's cell phone rings. Helen looks at Christy's cell phone.) HELEN JENKINS: Whoop! (Christy answers the call.) CHRISTY: (to phone) Hello? PIPER'S VOICE: (from phone) Christy, it's Piper. Billy needs you here right away. CHRISTY: (to phone) Why, what's wrong? PIPER'S VOICE: (from phone) I'll explain when you get here. Hurry. HELEN JENKINS: Is everything okay? (Christy hangs up and heads for the door.) CHRISTY: I don't know. I gotta go. HELEN JENKINS: Wait! (Christy opens the door.) HELEN JENKINS: Christy -- CHRISTY: I gotta go. (She slips out of the room.) HELEN JENKINS: Wait! Uh -- (Christy doesn't looks back. She's gone leaving Helen just outside the door.) HELEN JENKINS: (calls out) I love you ... (Helen heads back into the room and sighs. She closes the door.) [INT. HOTEL – HALLWAY – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The door closes.) (Rondok and Pator shimmer into the hallway just outside the closed hotel room door.) (They look at each other.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – PIPER'S BEDROOM -- NIGHT] (Piper is on the bed going through the fileboxes. Papers, files and folders are spread out around her.) PIPER: (to herself) Ugh. Leo, what am I supposed to do? I can't let these kids risk their lives, but I'm running out of options. And if I do let them do this how am I supposed to know if it's gonna work anyway? WYATT: (o.s.) Let them try. (Piper turns and sees Wyatt standing in the doorway.) WYATT: Daddy would. (Piper smiles and moves off the bed toward her son.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS -- NIGHT] (Piper comes down the stairs with Wyatt in her arms. Ryan and Jen are sitting on the couch. Jen is holding Baby Chris.) PIPER: Okay – (They turn and look at her.) PIPER: We do it your way. (Just then, the doorbell rings.) BILLIE: Yo! (Billie rushes down the stairs.) BILLIE: I got it! I got it. (She heads for the door and opens it. Christy steps into the house.) CHRISTY: Billie, are you okay? BILLIE: Yeah. What are you doing here? CHRISTY: Piper called me. (She looks past Billie at Piper.) You said that you needed me. PIPER: No ... I didn't. CHRISTY: Yeah, you did. You called me on the phone, you told me that you -- (Christy stops as Piper's confused expression sinks in.) BILLIE: Christy, what's going on? (A horrifying thought occurs to Christy.) CHRISTY: Oh, my god. Mom and dad. Come on, let's go. (She and Billie leave.) CUT TO: [INT. HOTEL -- NIGHT] (The door opens. Carl walks in, his eyes on the paper in his hand.) CARL JENKINS: Okay, we're all set. (He stops and sees Pator leaning over Helen's dad body. Pator gets to his feet.) (The hotel room door closes. Rondok is standing behind the door.) (Carl turns around. Camera holds on his look of fear.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. HOTEL -- NIGHT] (The door opens. Christy enters first.) CHRISTY: Mom? Dad. (Billie pushes past Christy and sees Helen and Carl on the floor, dad.) BILLIE: Oh, god. Oh, my god. Oh, no. (She rushes over to check on Carl and on Helen.) BILLIE: No – No -- (She falls to her knees. Christy is frozen in place.) BILLIE: Who'd -- ? Who did this? (shouts) Who would do something like this? CHRISTY: Billie, come on. BILLIE: No. CHRISTY: Billie, we gotta get outta here. (Billie starts to cry. Christy rushes over to her and gets Billie to her feet.) CHRISTY: Okay. Okay, come on. Oh, Billie. (She takes Billie out into the hallway.) BILLIE: We have to do something. We have to call the police. CHRISTY: No, you have to go to your dorm and you have to wait for me. BILLIE: What? CHRISTY: (firmly) Listen to me! The manor's being targeted by demons. And I can't risk losing you too. BILLIE: But, I -- CHRISTY: No! I know what I'm talking about, okay? Trust me. Just go. BILLIE: But where are you gonna go? CHRISTY: (resolved) I'm gonna figure out who did this. (Christy turns and leaves. Billie takes a breath.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. ABANDONED WAREHOUSE – NIGHT] (Pator and Rondok talk.) PATOR: Let it go, brother. RONDOK: I can't. PATOR: Why not? We've served the Triad. When evil reclaims the world we'll be rewarded. RONDOK: Then let the reward be klling Leo and his students now. PATOR: No. It's over. The Triad -- RONDOK: Forget the Triad! (Rondok looks at Pator.) RONDOK: How can you just walk away? PATOR: Because it's the only thing to do. RONDOK: Maybe for you. Will have my revenge. (Rondok stands up and leaves.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – LIVING ROOM / FOYER – NIGHT] (Piper hands out the potions vials to Ryan and Jen.) PIPER: You guys are sure you're ready for this? RYAN: We won't know until we try. JEN: Leo taught us well. PIPER: Okay. Here's hoping. (Ryan and Jen take up positions in the room.) (Ryan looks at Jen and sighs.) RYAN: Let's do this. (Piper picks up the nearest crystal. It glows for a moment as the protection grid is broken. The shield protecting the kids is removed.) (It's quiet for a moment as everyone is on guard.) (Rondok shimmers into the room behind Ryan.) (Ryan turns and sees him.) RYAN: There he is! (He backs away, runs and dives as Rondok throws the first fireball at Ryan. He misses and hits the lamp inside.) (He throws a second fireball at Piper, clipping her in the shoulder and knocking her down the hallway floor.) (Jen throws a potions vial at Rondok, hitting him square in the chest.) (Rondok is on fre.) (Piper gets up and watches.) (The potion is working, but Rondok is going through the vanquish.) (Ryan holds out his hand. Jen grabs it and pulls Ryan to his feet.) (Rondok starts to laugh as he begins to regenerate.) PIPER: Now! (Jen and Ryan recite the spell.) RYAN & JEN: (both) Demon of fre, demon of pain. We banish you to the astral plane. ON: RONDOK (Mid-regeneration, Rondok glows white and vanishes, but not before he realizes that he hasn't completely healed.) (He screams.) RONDOK: Nooooo! (The white light grows brighter, then it snuffs out, causing a ripple in the air in front of them.) (Jen and Ryan can't believe they did it.) (Piper looks at her injured shoulder and groans.) PIPER: Oh. (They rush over to Piper to check on her.) JEN: Piper – RYAN: Are you okay? PIPER: Oh, yeah. I've been worse, I've been worse. It's all right. (Piper tucks her legs under her as she sits on the floor.) I guess that was a pretty good plan after all. RYAN: Yeah? You think so? PIPER: I do. I think Leo would too. All right. (She starts to get up. Ryan and Jen help her.) CUT TO: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) – NIGHT TO DAY] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – SITTING ROOM – DAY] (Paige runs her healing hand over Piper's injury and heals her. When she finishes, she pushes Piper's shoulder hard.) PIPER: Ow! PIPER: Okay, since when does healing hurt? PAIGE: Since you all lied to me. PIPER: Well, because I did, you had a demon free honeymoon for at least one day. PAIGE: Thank you, but even still, you should not have done that alone. PIPER: I wasn't alone, I had Billie and I had some students that weren't too shabby and I had Leo. PAIGE: I'm sorry, did you just say Leo? PIPER: It's a long story. PAIGE: Well, Henry's off scuba-diving, you know. He's got a full tnk of oxygen. I've got time. PIPER: It's nothing, really. I just felt his presence a little. That's all. (mouths softly) It's nothing. (The front door opens and Phoebe walks in with her keys in hand.) PHOEBE: Hello! PAIGE: Hey, found your keys. PHOEBE: Yeah. Actually, that's not all I found. PIPER: Let me guess. Cupid's arrow. PHOEBE: Sort of, yeah. (She finally gets a good look at the place.) PHOEBE: Hey! What happened in here? (to Paige) Why are you back? (with hands on hips) What did I miss? (She looks at her sisters. Paige rolls her eyes innocently, and Piper looks guiltily away.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY – NIGHT]] (With his back to the door, Candor is meditating – his hands are held palm-up away from his body, his eyes closed.) (Christy walks into the room seething angry.) CHRISTY: Piper didn't call me. It was you, wasn't it? (Candor opens his eyes, his back is still to Christy.) CANDOR (TRIAD): I did what was necessary. CHRISTY: They were my parents! (He turns around and looks at her.) CANDOR (TRIAD): They were distracting you from taking the final step. Now, thanks to me, they no longer are. CHRISTY: Bastard! (Christy steps forward and sinks her hand clear through Candor's chest.) (Candor cries out.) (Christy is klling him.) (He coughs and looks at her.) CANDOR (TRIAD): Congratulations. You just passed ... the final ... test. (fre consumes Candor. He explodes.) (Christy is left standing alone in the study.) FADE TO BLACK. ========================== TITLE/OPENING CREDITS ========================== CHARMED 8X17: GENERATION HEX ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON WB: 04/16/2006 TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as "Piper" KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy BARBARA NIVEN as Helen Jenkins DAVID STARZYK as Carl Henkins LELAND CROOKE as Candor (Triad) KIMBERLEE PETERSON as Jen JOHN ROSENFELD as Pator DAVID S. LEE as and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop Editor: PAUL FONTAINE Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: JONATHAN WEST, ASC Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE Written by: ROB WRIGHT Directed by: MICHAEL GROSSMAN ========================== END CREDITS ========================== Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JAOSN SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 Appearing in Clip Footage: ERIC DANE as Jason Dean NICK LACHEY as Leslie St. Clair JULIAN MCMAHON as Cole Turner BILLY ZANE as Drake Appearing in Clip Footage: MONICA ALLGEIER as Julie Bennet REBECCA BALDING as Elise Rothman TYLER CHRISTOPHER as Anton JASON LEWIS as Dex Lawson Music By: JAY GRUSKA Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: JON PARE First Assistant Director: DEREK JOHANSEN Second Assistant Director: VINCENT GONZALES Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: KRIS KROSSKOVE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BRYAN MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: GREGORY BARNA Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: JOSH SCHNEIDER / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:06/22/2006	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x17 - Generation Hex"}	foreverdreaming
FADE IN: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] [Scene from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. MANOR – STAIRS -- DAY] (Paige descends the stairway wearing a beautiful white gown. She is not wearing a veil.) HOLLY MARIE COMBS (NARRATOR): (v.o.) Previously on ‘Charmed' ... (Henry puts the wedding band on Paige's finger.) PAIGE: I do. CUT TO: HENRY: I do. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe and Coop sit and talk.) PHOEBE: Who are you? COOP: I'm Cupid. (Phoebe looks away.) You can call me Coop. CUT TO: PHOEBE: I don't need help finding true love. COOP: (counters) Apparently you do. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X10: Vaya Con Leos] [INT. UNDERWORLD – BURKE'S LAIR] (Piper explains why with Leo.) PIPER: I have to lose you to save you. (Leo is in a cryogenic chamber. With a flash, he's frozen inside.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scenes from 8X17: Generation Hex] [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- DAY] (Piper throws a potion at Pator and hits him square in the chest. Pator screams.) PATOR: Aaaah! (Ryan gets up from behind the couch to watch.) (Pator starts to break up as he screams.) PATOR: Argggh! (As Piper watches, Pator does regenerates.) (Rondok steps forward and puts his hands on Pator's shoulders. He shimmers them both out.) CUT TO: (Piper is talking softly on the phone while Ryan and Jen are in the back cleaning up.) PIPER: (to phone) I'm really sorry, but the Noxons just attcked here. INTERCUT WITH: [EXT. PARK – DAY] BILLIE: (to phone) And? PIPER: I have no idea how to vanquish them. BILLIE: (to phone) Okay, I'm on my way over. Bye. TRIQUETRA FLAHS TO: [INT. HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT] (The door opens. Christy enters first.) CHRISTY: Mom? Dad. (Billie pushes past Christy and sees Helen and Carl on the floor, dad.) BILLIE: Oh, God. Oh, my God. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY – NIGHT] (Candor turns and talks with Christy.) CHRISTY: They were my parents. CANDOR (TRIAD): They were distracting you from taking the final step. CHRISTY: Bastard! (Christy steps forward and sinks her hand clear through Candor's chest.) (Christy is klling him.) CUT TO: CANDOR (TRIAD): You just passed the final test. (fre consumes Candor. He explodes.) (Christy is left standing alone in the study.) FADE OUT END OF PREVIOUSLY ON FADE IN: [EXT. UNIVERISTY (STOCK) – DAY] [EXT. UNIVERSITY CAMPUS (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. DORM – HALLWAY -- DAY] (Christy and Billie are headed for her dorm room, both carrying their bags with them.) BILLIE: Are you sure you don't want to go to the manor? I mean, it's going to be kind of cramped here. CHRISTY: No, it's bigger than a cave. I mean, it works for me if it works for you. BILLIE: Yeah, I don't even come here that much anymore. In fact, I don't think I ever want to come back. (Billie opens the door with her key.) [INT. DORM ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (They enter.) CHRISTY: Well, can't you just get a bigger dorm? BILLIE: No, not the dorm. I mean school. (She closes the door.) So much has happened. (Billie puts her bags down and sits on the bed.) CHRISTY: Billie, you can't quit now. You have to graduate. Mom and dad would want you to. BILLIE: Well, mom and dad aren't here anymore, are they? (sighs) I'm sorry. Just a little tired right now. CHRISTY: I know. This has been really ... hard for both of us. (Christy sits on the bed facing Billie.) BILLIE: I just still can't believe they're gone. I mean, I feel like -- CHRISTY: It's not your fault, okay? A demon mrder them. BILLIE: Yeah, but if I wouldn't have left them, maybe they would still be here. CHRISTY: Or if Piper hadn't called you away. BILLIE: This is not her fault. CHRISTY: Oh, it isn't? (Billie looks at Christy, surprised she'd even say it.) CHRISTY: You know what? You just stay here, okay? You rest. We're going to get through this. I promise. I promise, together. BILLIE: (sighs) I would have never been able to get through this week without you. CHRISTY: Well, I'd still be ... living in a cave without you. I'll be back. (Christy gets up and heads for the door.) BILLIE: What? Where are you going? CHRISTY: I'm going to help my little sister get some peace of mind. You know, I mean, the police might think that mom and dad are an unsolved case, but we know better. BILLIE: The Noxon demon can't be vanquished. CHRISTY: You know that. Then I'll ht him with a potion, and I'll send him to the astral plane like Piper did to the other demons. BILLIE: But she can't find him. CHRISTY: Then I'll help her, Billie. You let me worry about the demons. You just get some rest. (Billie accepts that as Christy leaves the dorm room.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Creo and a group of demons are in the Great Hall.) CREO: The Noxon won't be easy to find. He's on the run. He's cagey. But we will scour the underworld. Whatever it takes to find him. RAHL: I don't like it. Vanquishing a fellow demon? CREO: We're not going to vanquish him. Not until we can use him to separate the other sister from the Charmed Ones. RAHL: (half to the others) Yeah, but why do we have to do what the Triad wants anymore? They're dad. CREO: Nevertheless ... we do what we're told. (Rahl sits up, challenging Creo.) RAHL: Says who? (Creo suddenly hurls an energy ball at Rahl, who bursts into flames as he screams in agony.) (Christy walks into the Great Hall.) CHRISTY: What's going on? (She looks at the demons.) CHRISTY: Is there a problem? CREO: No. Not anymore. (then deferential) We're here to help. (Christy looks at the other demons to see if they're in agreement. She appears pleased by what she sees.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. HOUSES (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL -- DAY] (OPEN ON: The Grandfather clock face reads 11:47. Paige paces the floor as she waits for someone to return.) (The front door opens and she rushes over to meet Piper.) PAIGE: Hey, there. (Piper closes the door.) What took you so long? PIPER: Uh, I was dropping the boys off at dad's. Why? What are you doing here? (Piper removes her jacket and hangs it on the hallway hook.) (Paige walks with Piper through the main hall.) PAIGE: Oh, you know. Just in the neighborhood. Thought I'd drop by, see how you're doing. How go the battles? PIPER: The battles? PAIGE: Yeah, you know, ultimate power, ultimate thrat. Ultimate stuff. Need any help? PIPER: You just got back from your honeymoon and you want to talk about demons? PAIGE: Well, it is what we do, isn't it? You're giving me a very suspicious look. You know what? You're a very suspicious person. PIPER: And you're avoiding the question. PAIGE: I am not. (Piper doesn't believe her.) All right, fine, maybe I am. But it doesn't mean I don't want to help out of the goodness of my own heart. (Paige gives her an innocent smile. Piper's no idiot.) PIPER: Mm-hmm. I think you need to talk to Henry. (Piper heads for the stairs.) PAIGE: About what? About demons? PIPER: No, about whatever it is you came here to talk to me about that you should be talking to him about. (Paige groans.) [INT. MANOR – SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Paige and Piper continue.) PAIGE: I can't tell him about it 'cause it's just going to hurt his feelings. PIPER: That's not a good enough reason. (Paige groans.) PAIGE: The problem is, is that it's not Henry's fault at all, okay? He's amazing. I love him. PIPER: I can see why you're avoiding him. (Piper and Paige head up the stairs to the attic.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS / ATTIC -- DAY -- CONTINUOUS] PAIGE: See the thing is, it took me so long to forge an identity separate of you and Phoebe. I'm just -- I guess I'm kind of afraid of losing myself in the marriage. (Piper stops and turns around.) PIPER: So you're burying yourself in demons? PAIGE: (nods) It could work for me. PIPER: I don't approve of the way you're handling this. (bat) Anyway, I think I have a lead. (Piper turns and continues up the stairs to the attic. Paige follows her.) (They enter the attic and head for the Book of Shadows.) PIPER: If the Noxon demons klled Christy and Billie's parents, somebody else had to send them to do it. PAIGE: Because they were originally after the magic school kids, right? (Piper stops in front of the Book of Shadows.) PIPER: Right. So why change their MO? Unless somebody told them to. Whoever it is that's after the key to the ultimate power. PAIGE: Do you think they were really after Christy? (Piper starts flipping through the Book of Shadows.) PIPER: Absolutely, which means the Noxons know who's behind it all. PAIGE: And maybe who we'll have to fight to get Leo back. (Piper stops on the page for NOXON DEMONS.) PAIGE: So, uh, what's the plan? (Piper heads over to the potions table.) PIPER: Going to find that genetic freak of a demon and tell him we're going to do to him what we did to his friend unless he talks. PAIGE: What can I do besides ponder the state of my marriage? PIPER: You need to go down to the underworld and see if you can find him. PAIGE: (nods) Done. (Paige steps away.) PIPER: Be careful. (Piper tosses an ingredient in the pot. It goes POOF!) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD (JONDAR'S LAIR)] (Pator makes his way through the cave, glancing behind him as he goes as if he's being pursued. The cave widens and Pator makes a run for it and finds himself caught.) (A long, worm-like tentacle -- coming out from a hole in the ground -- wraps around Pator's ankle and traps him. He falls to his knees unable to get away.) (Pator turns around and sees the tentacle. He raises his hand and throws a fre ball at the tentacle. The end of the tentacle flares red and travels down the length toward the hole, but fizzles out as it disappears down the hole.) JONDAR: (o.s.) What have we here? (Pator whirls around and sees Jondar, a bottom-feeding demon dressed in tattered clothing, step out from the shadows. He's foul-looking and at home in the cave.) PATOR: (scared) Who are you? Stay back! JONDAR: Or what? (nods toward the tentacle still wrapped around Pator's ankle) She's not just clutching your leg. She's clutching your powers. It'll come in handy when I feed off of you. (Jondar scrutinizes Pator.) JONDAR: What's a low-level demon like you doing in this neck of the underworld? PATOR: I'm not low-level. I'm working with the Triad. JONDAR: (scoffs) The Triad? PATOR: Yeah, yeah. I'm helping them harness the ultimate power, so if you're smart -- JONDAR: (interrupts) The Triad's dad. PATOR: (winging it) Right. Exactly. Which means I'm the only one left who knows where to find the ultimate power. Release me and all the power in the world is yours, I promise. JONDAR: Well, why didn't you get it for yourself? PATOR: The power has yet to emerge. Until it does I must hide. Demons are after me. And powerful witches. (bat) The Charmed Ones. (Jondar's intrigued.) PATOR: I'm telling the truth, I swear. JONDAR: Well ... seeing as how you're so neatly tied up at the moment, I think I'll just leave you here, see who comes looking. (Jondar shimmers out as Pator cries.) PATOR: No. Come back! (shouts) They'll find me! (bat) (PRE-LAP) COOP: (v.o.) I'm telling you, I found him. CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – LIVING ROOM -- DAY] (Phoebe is sitting on her couch with her laptop, trying to ignore Coop who stands next to her, determined to get her attention. Her ankles are crossed and resting on the ottoman in front of her.) COOP: I found you a match, and he could be the man of your dreams. (Phoebe ignores him. Coop pulls the ear plug out of Phoebe's ear.) COOP: Phoebe! Hello? Am I making myself clear? PHOEBE: Hello, I'm working. Do you see me working? COOP: Yeah, yeah. (Coop reaches out and closes Phoebe's laptop. Phoebe groans.) COOP: So am I. How about Michael? PHOEBE: Coop. COOP: Also happens to be the style editor at your paper, no less. PHOEBE: Which probably makes him gay, okay? I know who he is, and no, thank you. COOP: He's not gay. Trust me, I wouldn't be setting you up with him. (Coop walks behind Phoebe and kneels down, resting his chin on the back of her chair.) So why don't you go out with him, huh? PHOEBE: Well, maybe because I don't like to date people at the workplace. Did you ever think of that? COOP: Mmm, yeah, yeah. Of course I thought about that. (He stands up.) I think about everything when it comes to matchmaking. Besides, you met Jason at work and Leslie and Dex. (He ticks the names off on his fingers.) PHOEBE: Yeah, and those didn't go too well for me, did they? COOP: Yeah, but not because you worked with them. It's because of, you know, other reasons. I mean, I'm not asking you to marry the guy. Just go out with him. Let me see how close I am to figuring you out, huh? What do you got to lose, huh? (He sits down in his chair.) Take a risk. PHOEBE: It's just the whole process, you know? Like dating and then opening up to someone and then having to tell them that I'm a witch. Them fainting. It's just not fun. COOP: Oh, you are so confusing to me. I don't get it. First you tell me you don't want to date magical beings. And then you don't want to date mortals. Who's left? (Phoebe laughs.) COOP: Yeah, yeah. It's not funny. (Coop gets up and picks up Phoebe's feet as he sits on the ottoman in front of her. He puts her legs back down on his lap. An unconsciously intimate move. He continues to plead his case to Phoebe.) COOP: You have any idea how hard it is to find a match for you, Phoebe? You are a smart, successful, gorgeous woman – (He picks up and holds her hands in his.) -- with a great sense of humor and amazing strength. Look at you. You're lounging around in a track suit with a pencil in your hair and glasses, and ... (He gazes at her as if realizing it for the first time. A dangerous realization.) COOP: (wondrously) ... you're so beautiful. PHOEBE: Really? (Catching himself, Coop moves Phoebe's legs off his lap and stands up.) COOP: Yeah, yeah. I'm just -- (Coop laughs nervously and puts even more distance between himself and Phoebe.) COOP: Just, you know, trying to see what Michael sees in you, or would see in you if you'd go out with the guy. PHOEBE: Okay, well, what about my column? And everything Piper's going through? I mean, doesn't love pale in comparison to all of that? COOP: No, you don't get it. I don't know how many times I need to tell you. (Coop moves toward her and kneels down next to her chair.) COOP: Love doesn't pale in comparison to anything. It makes the world turn and the flowers grow. (He looks at her expression and stop.) Okay, smart aleck, do me a favor. Just be open next time love comes knocking, okay? (Before Phoebe can say anything. Someone is knocking at her door.) (Impressed, Phoebe looks at Coop.) PHOEBE: Hmm? (Coop shrugs.) (Phoebe gets up to answer the door.) PHOEBE: Hope it's not my sister. (Coop stands up.) (Phoebe opens the door and finds Billie standing out in the hallway.) PHOEBE: Oh, hey, sweetie. How are you? BILLIE: Hi, I've been better. (Billie walks in.) PHOEBE: You look exhausted. Come in. (As she enters, Coop heads out.) COOP: (softly) Hey. I'm going to be prepping Michael. (Phoebe gives him an unenthusiastic thumb's up.) PHOEBE: Okay. (Coop closes the door behind him.) (Billie sits on the couch. Phoebe sits next to her.) PHOEBE: So how was it? BILLIE: Well, just about as good as a funeral can be. I just -- Can I hang out here? I don't want to be alone right now. PHOEBE: Of course you can. Yeah, you could stay here as long as you want. (Billie puts her head back and sighs. Phoebe puts her glasses on the table and settles back to watch over Billie.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- DAY] (Piper is putting a number of potions vials in a carrying pack when Paige orbs in.) PAIGE: Hey, okay, so I found the Noxon, but we better hurry in case he moves. PIPER: Well, uh, you might want to call Henry first. He's called three times since you left. PAIGE: Yeah, he called my cell, you know, left a message, but I'll just get him when I come back. PIPER: So now you're avoiding his phone calls? Paige. PAIGE: No, I'm not avoiding him, but I told you I don't really know what to say to him yet. And besides, it's not his problem; it's mine. PIPER: Well, it is his problem if you're not taking his calls. PAIGE: Do you want to let this demon get away, or what? PIPER: Okay, fine. (Christy walks into the attic.) PIPER: Just let my years of marriage experience go to waste. Fine, let's go. Here. (Piper hands the spell to Paige. They turn and see Christy.) CHRISTY: Go where? PAIGE: Oh, hey, Christy. How you doing? CHRISTY: I'm not doing very well. PAIGE: Where's Billie? CHRISTY: She's back at her dorm room. She's resting. PIPER: That's weird. Phoebe just called and said she was at her apartment. CHRISTY: I see. So where are you on finding the demon you let kll my parents? PIPER: Whoa, hang on. We didn't let anybody kll -- PAIGE: (interrupts) Uh, actually we found him, but if we don't want to lose him we need to go right now. (Paige glares at Piper. Piper's not happy about it.) CHRISTY: All right. Well, then, I'm going, but I get to be the one who sends his sorry ass to the astral plane. PAIGE: Actually, uh, no. We don't want to vanquish him. We need to question him because it's more important to find out who put him up to this. CHRISTY: Who cares? Who wants to talk to him? I want him dad. PIPER: Well, I understand that, but we can't ignore the fact that this could be connected to something else, like saving Leo. CHRISTY: So that's what this is about. Saving your husband. PIPER: Well, yeah, but -- CHRISTY: (interrupts) If we don't vanquish him, he could escape. PIPER: Well, I realize that, but we need to get some information out of him first. (to Paige) Let's go. (Paige starts orbing out. Mid-orb, Christy steps forward, puts her hand on theirs and hitches a ride.) (They orb out.) CUT TO: [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD (JONDAR'S LAIR)] (Pator is sitting on the ground, his back against the rock. The tentacle is still wrapped around his ankle.) (The girls orb in. Pator opens his eyes. Paige pulls her hands away from Christy.) PAIGE: What are you doing? CHRISTY: I'm not going to let you take this away from me. PIPER: You shouldn't even be here. The demons are after you. CHRISTY: I don't care. PAIGE: Look, stop it. We're not going to let him get away. You need to just back off. (exasperated) Gosh. (Piper and Paige turn around to talk with Pator.) PIPER: (to Pator) Okay, listen. You have one chance and one chance only to tell me who sent you and why. (Piper opens her pack and takes out a potion.) PATOR: I don't know what you're talking about. PIPER: The hell you don't. (Piper throws the potion and hits Pator in the chest. The vial explodes and Pator screams as he starts burning.) (The tentacle legs go of Pator's ankle and slinks back into the hole.) CHRISTY: Say the spell. PIPER: No. CHRISTY: Say it! (Distracted, Paige turns around.) PAIGE: (to Christy) Stop it! (Christy grabs the spell from Paige and pushes her hard. Paige falls head-first against the cave wall.) (With the spell, Christy starts reading. Piper goes to help Paige.) CHRISTY: Demon of fre, demon of pain, I banish you to the astral--" (Before she can finish, Piper blasts Christy to stop her. She hits Christy in the arm. Christy hits the cave wall and falls.) (Pator regenerates.) (Piper helps Paige up. Christy is disoriented on the cave floor, her arm brned from where Piper ht her.) (Jondar shimmers into the cave next to Pator.) JONDAR: (to Pator) Looks like you were telling the truth. (He quickly shimmers them both out.) PIPER: (sighs) Damn it. (Christy is still on the cave floor, panting, half-sobbing. The spell is still clutched in her hand.) PIPER: Are you okay? (They both turn to look at Christy.) PAIGE: Yeah, uh, it's not me I'm worried about. (Christy gets to her feet and tenderly clutches her injured arm. Anger and hatred burn in her eyes as she glares back at them.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL -- DAY] (Paige orbs them back to the manor. As soon as they solidify, Christy steps away from them.) CHRISTY: I knew he would get away! PAIGE: Christy, just let me heal you, okay? CHRISTY: Right, after she just tried to kll me? PIPER: I didn't try to kll you. It was an accident. CHRISTY: That was no accident. PIPER: Okay, listen. You're right, it wasn't, but I didn't mean to hurt you, okay? I just couldn't let you vanquish him. CHRISTY: Well, now he got away. PIPER: Look, Christy, you didn't leave me a choice, okay? This is my husband, and that demon – CHRISTY: (hard) klled my parents. Why am I even explaining this to you? It's not like you care. PAIGE: Of course we care. We care about you, and we care about Billie. Billie's been like a sister to us. CHRISTY: Well, Billie's not your sister. (Paige takes a step forward.) PAIGE: Christy, please -- (Christy brushes past both Piper and Paige on her way to the door.) CHRISTY: Look, just stay away from me. And stay away from Billie. (Christy leaves, slamming the door behind her.) PAIGE: Well, that went swimmingly. PIPER: There was nothing else I could do. Right? PAIGE: No, you did what you had to do. PIPER: (sighs) Still, I don't expect her to understand. She doesn't know Leo, and she barely knows us, and all she wants is revenge. (Piper takes her potions pack off.) PAIGE: Can you blame her? PIPER: No, but it doesn't mean anything. We still have to find the Noxon again. (She puts the potions pack on the side table.) PAIGE: We'll just figure out who took him. PIPER: Okay, I'll check the Book. (The phone rings; Paige checks the caller ID.) PAIGE: It's Phoebe. I'll fill her in. PIPER: You know where to find me. (Paige answers the phone as Piper heads for the attic.) PAIGE: (to phone) Hello. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe is working and on the phone.) PHOEBE: (to phone) Any luck with Leo? PAIGE: Uh, no, but we did manage successfully to get Christy to hate us. PHOEBE: What? How? PAIGE: Well, we were going after the -- (The second line beeps.) PAIGE: (to Phoebe) Hold on a second, okay? (She switches lines.) PAIGE: (to Henry) Hello. INTERCUT WITH: [INT. HENRY'S OFFICE – DAY] HENRY: (to phone) Hi, Paige. Where have you been? PAIGE: (to Henry) Hey. Hi, honey. Um, just kind of a bad demon fight. Um, can you hold on a second? HENRY: Wha-- (Paige switches back to line 1.) PAIGE: (to phone) Phoebes, that's Henry. PHOEBE: Okay, so quick, what happened? PAIGE: Well, Christy wanted to vanquish the Noxon, but we needed to talk to him -- PHOEBE: Wait, you found the Noxon? PAIGE: Kind of, sort of. He got away, but that was only after -- okay, this is going to take a minute. Hold on a sec. (She switches back to line 2.) PAIGE: (to Henry) Hey, um, can I call you back? HENRY: (to phone) No, that's why I'm calling you. Because you haven't called you back yet. PAIGE: Yes, okay. Um, I'm sorry about that. HENRY: (to phone) Paige, are you mad at me? Did I do something that I don't know I did? PAIGE: (to phone) No, I'm not mad at you. Not at all. It's just -- HENRY: (to phone) What? What? What? What? (Paige sighs.) PAIGE: (to phone) Hold on a second. (She switches lines again.) Phoebe, forget about Christy. What I really need your help with is Henry. (There's no response.) Phoebe? HENRY: (to phone) Still me, Paige. PAIGE: Oh. HENRY: What is going on? Talk to me. PAIGE: Nothing. It's nothing. It's really nothing. You're completely perfect. (Henry smiles a little.) You are. Can I just call you later? That would really be the best thing. Okay, I'll do that. Bye. (Paige hangs up before Henry can get a word in.) PAIGE: Phoebe? PHOEBE: Yeah. PAIGE: (sighs) I need professional help. Can I borrow your Cupid? CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Christy holds her injured arm and yells for Creo.) CHRISTY: A little help here please. Creo, where are you? (Creo shimmers in.) CREO: Sorry, I was looking for the Noxon. CHRISTY: Well, you're a little late. The Charmed Ones already found him. (He sees her injury.) CREO: What happened? CHRISTY: Piper attcked me. I followed her to the Noxon, and she wouldn't let me vanquish him. CREO: But you're not supposed to vanquish him. We need him to turn your sister against the Charmed Ones. CHRISTY: Yeah, I know. I know. But I was upset, okay? He klled my parents. (Christy walks over to the couch and sits down.) CREO: But now you need to focus on your sister, and that wound just might help. It could help to convince her that the Charmed Ones are truly bad. CHRISTY: I don't know. She's pretty attached to them. CREO: All the more reason to try and save her from them as soon as possible, as the Triad said you must. (a reminder) They're using her, Christy. You know that, and you also know that the two of you are the only ones who can stop them. CHRISTY: Do you really think so? CREO: It is your destiny. One that you will not fulfill unless you get your sister away from them by any means necessary. CHRISTY: (gets to her feet) Well, you better get to the Noxon before they do, or you'll have to come up with another plan. CREO: I'll worry about finding the Noxon. You worry about saving Billie. (Off Christy, nodding, trying to stay focused ... CUT TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD -- JONDAR'S LAIR – ETERNAL NIGHT] (Camera follows the tentacle, stretched across a different cave and just as dingy as the first. The tentacle is wrapped around Pator's ankle again. Jondar walks around him, pleased with having Pator at his mercy.) JONDAR: You're far more valuable than I imagined. PATOR: Let me go. I wasn't lying about the ultimate power. I proved – JONDAR: (interrupts) -- that I should be able to fetch a high price for you. PATOR: They'll come back for me. It's just a matter of time. JONDAR: I doubt that. My lair is a labyrinth of secluded caves. I should be safe long enough to figure out what to do with you. (Pator looks around for an escape and sees the stalactites on the cave walls.) PATOR: (stalling) But we aren't dealing with ordinary witches. The Charmed Ones -- JONDAR: -- Make you all the more valuable. I could trade you for immunity from them. (Jondar stops in front of Pator.) Or perhaps I could sell you to demons in exchange for powers. The possibilities are limitless. (Taking the opportunity, Pator kicks Jondar with his free leg, sending him straight toward the stalactites. They pierce through his body. He screams as he's vanquished.) (The tentacle dissolves, freeing Pator. Pator gets to his feet and runs out of the cave.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN -- DAY] (Coop has his arm around Michael's shoulders as they cross the bullpen.) COOP: Come on, seriously. What's the harm in asking Phoebe out one more time? MICHAEL: Look, I don't think she's into me. I don't want to push it. COOP: Ah, see that? You're being sensitive. Phoebe loves sensitive. MICHAEL: Yeah, then how come she has an excuse every time I ask her out? COOP: She's just playing hard to get. MICHAEL: Really hard to get. COOP: Come on, isn't she worth it? Huh? Caring, funny, talented. MICHAEL: Hot. COOP: You -- you can't say hot, okay? Women want romance, poetry. MICHAEL: See, I'm not much of a poet. COOP: You don't have to be. Just think about Phoebe and let the poetry come to you from what you see. (As he talks, the couple walking past in the background, stops, listens and smiles knowingly at Coop.) COOP: Oh, she's -- she's ethereal. You know? Rose-petal lips, slender neck. Fiery passionate eyes. And when she laughs, doesn't that just make you feel like you can fly? (That question hangs in the air as Coop realizes Michael and a few other people are staring at him.) MICHAEL: Maybe you should ask her out. COOP: (covering) Me? Pssh, no. (chuckling) No. It's against the rules. MICHAEL: Well, then maybe you ought to go work for another dating service. COOP: You're missing the whole point. If you want to go out with a woman like Phoebe, you can't just ask her out. You have to woo her. MICHAEL: I don't usually woo. COOP: Well, you're going to have to if you want to go out with her. It's easy. I'll walk you through it. Meet me at Phoebe's house with a dozen red roses. Long stem. Trust me. (Coop takes out a pen and notebook to start writing. He turns around and sees Michael sitting there.) COOP: What are you doing here – ? What are you doing here? Come on, go. Chop, chop. What are you waiting for? (Michael stands up and heads out. He passes Paige in the doorway. She's coming in.) PAIGE: Ah, Coop. I need to talk to you. (Paige grabs him by his arm and drags him to Phoebe's office.) COOP: I'm right in the middle of something here. PAIGE: Ok, but it's kind of an emergency. (They enter Phoebe's office.) [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Paige shuts the door behind her.) COOP: (suddenly concerned) What? What do you mean? Something happened to Phoebe? PAIGE: No, no, no. Nothing happened to Phoebe. It's an emergency of me. COOP: (relieved) Oh. Well ... the Elders didn't really send me down here to work with the whole family. (Coop settles in the chair behind Phoebe's desk. He starts writing and listening absently to Paige.) PAIGE: (sighs) Look, please? I really need your expertise, Coop. COOP: How much help do you need after only two weeks of marriage? Does Henry keep leaving the toilet seat up? PAIGE: No, it's not Henry – (She sighs.) It's me, okay? It's me. I'm so used to having my own identity, you know, and being super independent, and now it's -- it's not just a "me", it's a "we", and I'm kinda freaking out on that, and I'm taking it out on him, and I can't do that. COOP: It will work itself out. You've talked to him about this, right? PAIGE: I've tried to talk to him about it, but it just comes out wrong. COOP: Paige ... (Coop stands up and walks around the desk to stop in front of Paige.) COOP: I'm really busy here. So ... give it some time. PAIGE: I don't have time, okay? I really, really don't. Isn't there something you can do? COOP: Well, yeah, there is one thing. PAIGE: What? Please, I'm open to anything. COOP: (nods) All right. You got it. (He waves his hand as his Cupid's ring glows. Paige vanishes.) (Coop nods, satisfied.) CUT TO: [INT. HENRY'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Henry is sitting at his desk going through some reports when a large, bright orb appears at his forehead and is absorbed into him. His face glows. He lifts his hand and bats the air in front of his face, feeling something, but not sure what it is.) PAIGE'S VOICE: Henry? (Henry looks around.) HENRY: Paige? Where are you? PAIGE'S VOICE: That's a very good question. (Henry chuckles. He drops the report on the desk.) HENRY: I know. PAIGE'S VOICE: Oh, no. Uh ... go to a mirror. HENRY: Mirror? Why? PAIGE'S VOICE: Please just do this. ON HENRY: (Henry puts his pen down and gets up. He heads over to the wall mirror.) HENRY: Okay. Why do I have to look at -- aah! (Henry's shocked by what he sees.) ON MIRROR: (Henry sees Paige's reflection back at him.) HENRY: What the ... PAIGE: Oh, God ... I'm in your head. HENRY: I can see that. Paige, what's going on? PAIGE: (shouts) Coop! (Henry flinches and covers his ears. Paige turns and looks at Henry. Henry shrugs. He doesn't know what to do either.) CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT -- DAY] (Billie's still asleep on Phoebe's bed while Phoebe works on her column. Then there is a faint tap. Then, another. Phoebe looks around the room, wondering what she heard.) ANGLE – FRENCH DOORS (Tiny pebbles thrown from below are hitting the glass.) (Phoebe takes her glasses off and goes top investigate.) [EXT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (She slips out the open balcony doors and looks down to the street below and finds ... INTERCUT WITH: ANGLE – MICHAEL ( ... Michael standing with a huge bouquet of red roses.) PHOEBE: Michael? (He smiles at her.) Hey! What are you doing here? MICHAEL: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm wooing you. PHOEBE: You're what? MICHAEL: Well, you deserve it, don't you? (Camera slowly moves down the balcony to show ... ANGLE – UNDERNEATH BALCONY (Coop is there just under the balcony and out of Phoebe's line of vision, feeding lines to Michael just like Cyrano de Bergerac.) COOP: You're not just anyone, you're special. MICHAEL: (o.s.) You're not just anybody, you're special. COOP: You're one in a million. MICHAEL: (o.s.) One in a million. COOP: I'm not leaving here until I get you to go out with me. MICHAEL: And I'm not giving up until I get you to go out with me. PHOEBE: Wow. Michael, I had no idea you were such a romantic. COOP: No, I'm not. MICHAEL: I'm hot. (Coop grimaces. In his hand, he has his pen and notebook.) PHOEBE: (huh?) I'm sorry. You're what? (Flustered, Michael looks at Coop.) COOP: (wincing) No. I'm not. MICHAEL: I mean, uh, I'm not. COOP: I'm--I'm not really ... a romantic. MICHAEL: (tries to keep up with Coop) Romantic. Really. It's just that, uh ... ANGLE -- COOP COOP: You bring it out in me. MICHAEL: You bring it out in me. Every time I see you, every— COOP: -- every time you walk past. MICHAEL: Every time you walk past. You're all I ever think about. And it's been that way from the moment I laid eyes on you. COOP: (longingly) The way you walk. The way you smile. (Coop isn't looking at his notes anymore, as he just thinks about Phoebe ... ) MICHAEL: (o.s.) The way you walk. The way you smile. COOP: How you help so many with your words. MICHAEL: The way you help so many with your words. I knew I had to do everything I could to get you to go out with me. COOP: And that's why I'm here now. MICHAEL: That's why I'm here now. COOP: Hoping that you can't turn me down. MICHAEL: Hoping you can't turn me down. ANGLE – PHOEBE (More than impressed.) PHOEBE: I don't know what to say. COOP: (sadly) Just say yes. MICHAEL: Say ... yes. (Phoebe smiles.) (Suddenly there is loud pounding on Phoebe's front door. She reacts, startled, concerned. But Michael can't hear it from the ground.) MICHAEL: Well? (The pounding continues, growing more frantic with every passing moment.) PHOEBE: Uh ... you know what? I have to go. MICHAEL: Wait – w-w-wait. But -- PHOEBE: Listen, thank you so much for coming. It means so much to me. And will you leave the flowers by the door? Okay? (Phoebe turns and heads back into the loft.) (Michael looks around, a little at a loss for what to do.) MICHAEL: (to Coop) What now? COOP: Just keep trying. She's worth it, believe me. (Coop gets up and leaves.) COOP: Come on. (Michael sets the roses down next to the front door stairs.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The sharp pounding continues as Phoebe hurries to her door. She meets Billie, sleepy-eyed, emerging from the bedroom.) BILLIE: What's going on? PHOEBE: Uh ... I don't know. (Phoebe opens the door to Christy, still pounding angry, and her eyes, red and puffy from crying.) PHOEBE: Christy. Hey, what's wrong? CHRISTY: Billie, I need to talk to you. BILLIE: What happened to you? (Christy shows them her injured arm.) CHRISTY: Piper attcked me. BILLIE: What? PHOEBE: Okay, you know what? Come in and we're going to talk about this. CHRISTY: (coldly) No, I'm not coming in. Billie's coming out. (Phoebe turns and looks at Billie.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADEIN: [EXT. SIDEWALK -- DAY] (OPEN ON: The dozen red roses on the sidewalk near the front door to Phoebe's building. Christy and Billie exit the building and head down the sidewalk.) BILLIE: Look, I still don't know why you didn't let Paige heal you. CHRISTY: Oh, right. After what Piper did to me? I don't think so. BILLIE: But still -- okay, just -- please just stop and just tell me exactly what happened. CHRISTY: It's real simple, Billie. I tried to kll the demon that klled mom and dad and she wouldn't let me. BILLIE: It doesn't make any sense. CHRISTY: Does this make sense? Listen to me, Piper is so obsessed with saving her husband, she doesn't care who gets in her way. BILLIE: But I don't believe she'd ever hurt you. CHRISTY: Yeah, well, believe it. BILLIE: I have to be missing something. CHRISTY: Fine. Then let's go to the house and you can ask them yourself. BILLIE: No, I'll go. You're way too upset. CHRISTY: Billie, you can't trust them! BILLIE: That's not true. CHRISTY: Oh, really? Face it. They don't care about what we want. They care about what they want. BILLIE: Look, let me just go back to the house and talk to 'em myself. Just meet me at the dorm, okay? Please! (Billie hurries away. Christy watches her, a pleased smile lights her face.) CUT TO: [INT. HENRY'S OFFICE -- DAY] (Henry looks at the mirror and talks with Paige.) HENRY: I still don't understand why couldn't just talk to me about this. Why did you have to use magic? PAIGE: I didn't mean to. Look, I don't have time to talk about this right now. I have to go help Piper. HENRY: Well, you should have thought about that before you jumped in my head. PAIGE: I didn't jump in your head! Coop put me there! HENRY: Right, right -- because you were losing yourself? (Henry turns away and continues to talk. His office door is wide open.) HENRY: What does that even mean? I thought things were going great between us. Hey, Paige, I love being married to you, okay? PAIGE'S VOICE: And I love being married to you, too. That's the problem. HENRY: How could that be a problem? PAIGE'S VOICE: Because I never loved someone so much before. And I love you so much that I'm afraid of losing ... me. HENRY: But maybe you're going to find something new ... like I did. PAIGE'S VOICE: You did? HENRY: Yeah. Isn't that the point of marriage? PAIGE'S VOICE: Henry, go to the mirror. (Henry turns and goes to stand in front of the mirror so he can talk to Paige's image.) HENRY: Paige, I want you to stay the women that you are. I fell in love with the woman that you are. But at the same time, I think we can make each other stronger. PAIGE: That was Coop's point, too. (bat) Sorry I snapped at you. (Henry lovingly touches the Paige's image in the mirror.) HENRY: I'm sorry, too, my little baby, baby, baby, baby -- (Dennis walks past the door carrying a thick envelope. He stops when he sees Henry coo-ing affectionately to the mirror.) DENNIS: (o.s.) Uh, you okay, Henry? (Henry whirls around to see Dennis, one of his parolees, standing just outside the office door, holding a file envelope and looking strangely back at Henry. Henry leans against the door frame, blocking Dennis' view behind him.) HENRY: (embarrassed) Dennis. Uh ... PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): (to Henry) Trouble with the Missus. HENRY: (out loud) Trouble with the Missus. DENNIS: Oh. I guess that means I don't have to listen to you gush about her for once, huh? PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): Aww. You gush about me? HENRY: (out loud) Yeah, I do. (to Dennis) No, you don't. You won't. You checked in on time, so now you can go. And we'll see you the same time tomorrow. Great. (nods.) DENNIS: Yeah. Right. HENRY: Mm-hmm. DENNIS: Yeah. See ya. HENRY: Okay. Get home safe. (Puzzled, Dennis leaves. Henry turns.) HENRY: (to Paige) We have to do something about this fast. PAIGE'S VOICE: I couldn't agree more. (Suddenly, Paige orbs Henry out of the office.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – KITCHEN – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Piper and Phoebe are in the kitchen. Piper is standing by the island while Phoebe is sitting on the counter in the corner. Both are completely surprised when Henry orbs in. Henry's just as surprised.) HENRY: Whoa. (He looks around, finding himself suddenly in the kitchen.) PIPER: Whoa yourself. How'd you do that? PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): Ask if they've had any luck finding the Noxon -- HENRY: (interrupting) (to Paige) Hold it a second. I think it'll be easier if I just talk to them myself, honey. PHOEBE: (amused) "Honey"? Are you okay? HENRY: Uh ... yeah. I'm--I'm fine. PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): No, you're not, and neither am I. (Henry makes an impatient noise to Paige.) PIPER: Why are you talking to yourself? HENRY: No, I'm not. (points to his head) Uh ... Paige is in my head. PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): Tell her I went to Coop for advice. HENRY: (to Paige) Please. I can handle this, Paige. (Guessing what's going on, Piper holds back a smile.) PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): Sorry. (Henry looks at Phoebe.) HENRY: Coop did it. PHOEBE: Coop did it. (Phoebe slips off her perch on the counter. Why is she not surprised?) Of course he did. Great. PIPER: Well, you need to get him to undo it because we need the Power of Three to find the Noxon. PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): I might be able to do it from here. (Henry sighs.) HENRY: Um ... Paige thinks that she – (He rubs his head and makes a sound.) Headache -- Paige thinks that she might be able to do it from where she is. (Off screen, they hear the front door open and close. Immediately, everyone turns. Phoebe and Piper head out of the kitchen. Rubbing his temple, Henry follows them.) [INT. MANOR – FRONT HALLWAY – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Henry meet up with Billie.) PIPER: Billie. BILLIE: We need to talk. PIPER: I know. I'm sorry about your sister, but -- how are you? BILLIE: How am I? I'm not so good. How could you attck my sister? PIPER: She didn't leave me much of a choice. She was going to vanquish the demon. BILLIE: So you just thought you'd vanquish her, too? PIPER: No, I didn't -- PHOEBE: (interrupts) Look, we know how you feel, but revenge is not the only thing right now. BILLIE: That's what Christy said. Look, I want to find Leo, too. I really, really do. But not at the expense of her. PIPER: Okay, well, then she needs to understand that it can't all be about what she wants. (As Piper talks, Billie turns and sees the potions pack next to the phone on the side table.) BILLIE: Right. 'Cause it seems just to be all about what you want. PIPER: That's not fair. BILLIE: Isn't it? PHOEBE: Okay, look, don't you want to figure out who klled your parents? BILLIE: Yes, I do, but that not what you care about. All you guys care about is finding Leo. You don't care about me. (Billie grabs the potions pack, opens it and takes the vials out.) PIPER: Billie, what are you doing? BILLIE: I'm going to vanquish the Noxon. PIPER: No, you're not. BILLIE: What, are you going to blow me up, too? PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): (to Henry) Hold out your hand and call for the potion. PHOEBE: Nobody's blwing anyone up here. BILLIE: That didn't stop her last time. PAIGE: Now! HENRY: Vial. (The vials orb out of Billie's hands and into his. Henry smiles.) HENRY: That was cool. (Billie telekinetically grabs the vials from Henry's hands. They fly back into Billie's palm.) (She wiggles the vials smugly in their faces, turns and leaves.) PIPER: Billie! You come back here! (Ignoring her, Billie leaves, closing the door behind her.) PHOEBE: Now what do we do? PIPER: We gotta find that demon before they do. (Piper, Phoebe and Henry head upstairs.) CUT TO: [INT. DORM ROOM -- DAY] (The door opens and Billie returns. Christy is waiting for her, picking at her newly bandaged arm.) CHRISTY: Is everything okay? BILLIE: You were right. We are on our own. (And off Christy's smug look, we ... FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL -- NIGHT] (On a table filled with open books and lit candles, Billie is looking through the texts at Magic School. Christy enters.) CHRISTY: Any luck? BILLIE: No, nothing. There's tons of potions to take us to the underworld, but nothing on the Noxon. Are you scared about being here? This place is usually crawling with demons. CHRISTY: Well, I think between the two of us, we have enough power to defend ourselves. Besides, we can't count on anyone else. So, we don't have any other choice, do we? BILLIE: Yeah, I guess, but it's still kinda creepy. (In the back of the room, Creo shimmers in. Christy sees him.) CHRISTY: (telepathically to Creo) Do you know where he is? CREO: (telepathically to Christy) No, but I'm afraid the Charmed Ones are close to figuring it out. CHRISTY: (telepathically to Creo) But what if they find him first? CREO: (telepathically to Christy) You'll know where to find him, too ... if you use your powers to follow them. It may be your only chance to save her from them. (Creo shimmers out. Billie sighs.) BILLIE: It's no use. There's nothing here. What are we going to do? CHRISTY: I wonder ... BILLIE: What? CHRISTY: Maybe I can listen in on them -- see if they've found him yet. BILLIE: You can do that? CHRISTY: Yeah. I mean, if it's okay with you. BILLIE: Yeah. Why not? (Christy closes her eyes and concentrates. Then, she hears their voices ... PIPER, PHOEBE, HENRY: (voices only) Ancient powers, we summon thee. We, the power of three, CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Henry are holding hands around the bubbling potions pot.) PIPER, PHOEBE, HENRY: and seek your help in finding the demon who is in hiding. (They wait a bat, then -- PIPER: Nothing. (They let go of each other's hands.) HENRY: I'm sorry, guys. I think it's my fault. PAIGE'S VOICE (IN HENRY): Maybe I should try saying it again. HENRY: Uh, Paige thinks that maybe she should try -- PIPER: Forget it. We need to get her ... out of there. (to Phoebe) Call him. (Henry looks at Phoebe.) PHOEBE: (groans) Do I have to? (Piper nods emphatically.) PHOEBE: Okay. (louder) Cupid! Look, I know you're out there ... watching everything I do. Coop? (Coop flashes in right behind Phoebe. He's carrying a box of chocolates and reciting from a piece of paper, surprising her so much that she whacks him on his arm.) COOP: "Oh, lift me from the grass. I fail. I die. Let thy love in kisses rain on my lips." (Piper and Henry exchange looks.) PHOEBE: What are you doing? COOP: I'm just reciting what Michael wrote. He left this for you at the door. (Coop gives the box and note to Phoebe.) PHOEBE: (suddenly very interested) Really? PIPER: Yeah, never mind that. We need -- (Phoebe holds out a finger to stop Piper from interrupting. She continues reading from the note.) PHOEBE: "My heart beats loud and fast. Oh, press it to thine own again, where it shall break at last." (Coop smiles, pleased.) Michael didn't write this. COOP: Yeah, you're right. I wrote it, you know, a couple hundred years ago or so. Some of my best work. (Henry shuffles his feet. Piper's through waiting.) PIPER: Ahem! PHOEBE: Yeah, okay. Listen, um, we need your help. (Phoebe takes Coop's hand and pulls him toward Henry.) You gotta get Paige out of Henry. (Henry points to his head.) COOP: Uh, yeah, but are you sure they've worked through their issues? HENRY: Yes, they have. COOP: All right. (Coop waves his hand. His cupid's ring glows. Henry's face glows with a light that comes out of him and materializes into Paige.) PAIGE: Oh, dear. (She looks at Henry.) PAIGE: Hey. HENRY: Hey. You okay? PAIGE: I'm okay. HENRY: Good. PAIGE: But, um, you should probably go. HENRY: Okay. (He looks at them.) Good luck. (Henry leaves.) PHOEBE: (to Coop) Well, you should probably go, too. COOP: What do you mean? But what about love? PIPER: Ugghh! Go! (She smiles at Coop. Coop leaves.) PHOEBE: I mean ... really. PAIGE: Oh, you got truffles! PHOEBE: Yes, I did. (They hold hands over the potions pot and recite the spell again.) PIPER, PHOEBE, PAIGE: (all) Ancient powers, we summon thee. We, the Power of Three, CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL -- (Christy is still channeling them.) PIPER, PHOEBE, PAIGE: (voices only) and seek your help in finding the demon who is in hiding. CHRISTY: They found him. Hurry, throw the potion while I'm still channeling them. (Billie throws the potion.) CUT TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD – JONDAR'S LAIR – CONTINUOUS] (Pator is running. Piper chases after him. He jumps over a rock.) PIPER: Oh, no you don't! (Piper freezes him, mid-air.) (Piper, Phoebe and Paige walk around Pator. Piper unfreezes Pator's face. He looks around.) PATOR: What happened? What's going on? PIPER: You have exactly five seconds to live unless you tell us who you're working for. PATOR: I don't know what you're talking about. PIPER: Four ... PHOEBE: Three ... PAIGE: Two -- (Paige pulls her arm back to throw the potion in her hand.) PATOR: All right! All right! I'll talk. (Billie and Christy enter the cave.) BILLIE: (o.s.) Not so fast. (Piper, Phoebe and Paige turn around.) BILLIE: Leave him alone. He's ours. PHOEBE: "Ours"? Billie, we're all on the same side here. BILLIE: Are we? PIPER: We're not going to let you vanquish him. PATOR: Works for me. CHRISTY: And we're not going to let you take him alive, either. (Paige steps forward.) PAIGE: (to Christy) This is absurd. What are you doing? Why are you twisting what we're all about? (Billie steps forward.) BILLIE: She's not twisting anything. (points to Piper) And she's the one that tore me away from protecting my parents so she wouldn't bother the two of you. PIPER: Billie, I swear if I knew what would happen -- BILLIE: You would have used me the same way to get what you wanted. And I'm sick of being used. (Billie throws her vial.) (Piper blasts it mid-arc. Phoebe ducks to avoid the flames which ht Pator, unfreezing him.) BILLIE: No! CHRISTY: (telepathically to Billie) We don't need the potion. BILLIE: What do you mean? CHRISTY: You can use your power to amplify mine. (In the silence, Paige gets antsy.) PAIGE: Uh, what's going on? (Christy takes ahold of Billie's hand – entwining their fingers and their arms -- the two linked together.) (Pator crawls to his feet.) (Christy and Billie close their eyes and concentrate.) (Pator starts to burn.) (He grabs his head and screams.) PATOR: Aah! (He explodes.) (The force of the explsin ripples through the cave, knocking Piper, Phoebe and Paige off their feet.) (Billie opens her eyes and gasps. Christy smiles with triumph. The two girls look at each other.) (Billie drops the vial and they vanish.) (Piper, Phoebe and Paige get to their feet.) PAIGE: Okay. Did they just vanquish a demon that can't be vanquished? PHOEBE: What does that mean? PIPER: I think that means we just found the ultimate power. (They stare at her. Piper brushes the dirt from her hands and pants.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. GOLDEN PARK BUILDING (STOCK) - NIGHT] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT] (Phoebe returns home, flicks on the lights and finds Coop sprawled out on her couch waiting for her.) COOP: Hey. (Phoebe closes the door.) PHOEBE: Hey. COOP: Tough day at the office? PHOEBE: Well, you know ... (Phoebe sits down on the sofa.) You let a young witch into your family and teach her everything that you know, only to be betrayed by her. Yeah, it was a rough day. COOP: I guess love is pretty low on the list then, huh? PHOEBE: Actually, no. I mean, it can only make me stronger, right? COOP: Yeah. PHOEBE: There's something I want to tell you, but I'm not sure if I will be able to articulate it well. (Coop gets up and moves to sit next to Phoebe.) COOP: All right. Maybe I can help. PHOEBE: No, actually, it's something that I have to say ... and that you have to hear. Uh, I've been having these feelings, these really intense feelings that I haven't had for a really long time. And it's ... it's scary. Mostly because the person that I'm having these feelings for is so unexpected. I don't know if it can work. But ... you've got to follow your heart, right? COOP: Well ... you tell me. PHOEBE: God, it has got to suck to be Cupid! You know, never finding a love of your own? It's got to be so hard for you. COOP: (confused) I'm sorry ... what? PHOEBE: You know, because of all the rules and stuff. It's just--I would think it's got to be really hard. COOP: So, um -- so you're talking about you and, uh -- PHOEBE: Michael. (Coop hides his disappointment.) Yeah. Yeah. Who else would I be talking about? COOP: (covers) No. No, um ... you just made it sound like it was someone ... unexpected. PHOEBE: Well, yeah. You know, I don't want to be with anyone magical just because of everything that I've gone through in my life. COOP: Yeah. What changed your mind? PHOEBE: I think ... maybe watching what Paige and Henry are going through and how they're making it work and ... honestly ... you. I mean, you knew. You had to hear the things that he was saying to me ... on the balcony -- they were just ... so sweet. (He turns to look at her, almost to confess that it was him ... ) COOP: Actually, uh ... (and he doesn't) ... yeah. I always knew he had it in him. PHOEBE: I guess that's why you picked him for me, huh? COOP: Yep. Sure is. So I guess my work here is done. I guess I better get going. (Phoebe holds out her hands and Coop slips his hand between hers.) PHOEBE: Thank you ... for everything you've done for me. COOP: No, it was my pleasure. Good luck, huh? PHOEBE: Bye. (Coop flashes out, his heartlight rising up as Phoebe watches.) (Hold on Phoebe.) DISSOLVE TO: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) – DAWN] [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) – MORNING] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY -- DAY] (Wyatt and Chris are playing in the conservatory. Piper sits on the side, watching them and thinking.) (Paige walks in.) PAIGE: Hey. It's going to be okay, you know. PIPER: Oh, yeah? I'm not so sure. (shakes her head) It was right there in front of us the entire time and we didn't see it. PAIGE: How were we supposed to see it? It's Billie. She's one of us. PIPER: Still, with Christy and their powers, the Triad ... we just missed it. PAIGE: Not too late for what exactly? (Paige sits down. Piper looks directly at her. Her meaning clear.) PIPER: To stop them. PAIGE: No. No, Piper. You can't vanquish them. They're not demons. They're people. PIPER: People the Triad targeted to take us out. PAIGE: You don't know that for sure. PIPER: Don't I? Think about it. It makes complete sense. PAIGE: I can't give up on Billie. I'm not going to give up on Billie. Not yet. She's been through so much -- they both have. Maybe they'll come around. (It's clear from the look on Piper's face that she doesn't believe it. Paige gets to her feet.) PAIGE: I have to go. Henry's waiting for me. Look, we're going to ... figure this out, okay? It's what we do. PIPER: We'd better. (Paige turns around and leaves. Piper sighs.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL -- DAY] (Billie sits on the couch, lost in her thoughts. She looks up when Christ walks over and sits next to her.) CHRISTY: It's just you and me now, sis. And it always will be. (Christy smiles. Billie nods sadly.) FADE TO BLACK. ========================== THE END ========================== TITLE/OPENING CREDITS ========================== CHARMED 8X18: THE TORN IDENTITY ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON WB: 04/23/2006 TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as Piper KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy Jenkins JOHN ROSENFELD as Pator BRIAN MULLIGAN as Jondar RON MELENDEZ as with IVAN SERGEI as Henry Mitchell and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop (Cupid) Editor: DEREK BERLATSKY Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: JONATHAN WEST, ASC Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE Written by: ANDY REASER Directed by: LEVAR BURTON ========================== END CREDITS ========================== Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: JOEL STOFFER as Creo ANDREW COOPER WASSER as Rahl DAVID GUZZONE as Dennis Co Starring: KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JASON SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 Music By: J. PETER ROBINSON Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: JON PARE First Assistant Director: TOMAZ REMEC Second Assistant Director: BERYL COHEN Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: KRIS KROSSKOVE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BYRON MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: BRIAN JONASON Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: KEVIN VALENTINE / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:06/24/2006	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x18 - The Torn Identity"}	foreverdreaming
FADE IN: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] [Scene from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe and Coop sit and talk.) PHOEBE: Who are you? COOP: Well, I'm Cupid. You can call me Coop. FLASH TO: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] ROSE MCGOWAN (NARRATOR): Previously on ‘Charmed' ... [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe whirls around.) COOP: You always think that you never have time for love. That's why the Elders sent me. They feel guilty about how everything got all messed up after they enlisted you. So they sent me down to help you get things back on track. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X18: The Torn Identity] [EXT. STREET – DAY] (Christy and Billie talk.) CHRISTY: Piper is so obsessed with saving her husband she doesn't care who gets in her way. CUT TO: CHRISTY: Billie ... you can't trust them. BILLIE: That's not true. CHRISTY: Face it. They don't care about what we want. They care about what they want. CUT TO: [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD (JONDAR'S LAIR)] (Christy is reading the spell amidst Pator's screams.) CHRISTY: I banish you to the astral -- (Before she can finish, Piper blasts Christy to stop her. She hits Christy in the arm. Christy hits the cave wall and falls.) TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL – DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Henry meet Billie.) PIPER: Billie ... BILLIE: How could you attck my sister? PIPER: She was gonna vanquish the demon. BILLIE: So you just thought you'd vanquish her, too? CUT TO: BILLIE: Look, I wanna find Leo, too, I really, really do, but not at the expense of her. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. DREGS OF THE UNDERWORLD] (Pator starts to burn.) (He grabs his head and screams.) (Billie and Christy hold hands, eyes closed in concentration.) PATOR: Aah! (He explodes.) (The force of the explsin ripples through the cave, knocking Piper, Phoebe and Paige off their feet.) (Christy smiles. Billie drops the vial and they vanish.) CUT TO: PAIGE: Did they just vanquished a demon that can't be vanquished. PHOEBE: What does that mean? PIPER: I think that means we just found the ultimate power. (They stare at her. Piper brushes the dirt from her hands and pants.) FADE OUT END OF PREVIOUSLY ON FADE IN: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – DINING ROOM – DAY] (Piper puts a vase of flowers on the dining room table. Phoebe talks with her.) PHOEBE: Piper, it's not that simple. PIPER: What do you mean it's not that simple? They vanquished the unvanquishable -- PHOEBE: Yeah, that just makes them powerful though, not bad. PIPER: Don't be so naive. Christy was raised by the Triad ... who wanted us dad, remember? PHOEBE: I understand that. But that doesn't mean that Billie and Christy want us dad. PIPER: (scoffs) They are the ultimate power. They were chosen to take us out, don't you see that? (Piper carries the watering pot into the sitting room.) PHOEBE: No, actually, I don't . Look, I mean, yeah, it's a possibility, but we're not there yet. PIPER: Aren't we? (Paige orbs in. She looks bat.) PAIGE: Ah! Okay. Witch, whitelighter, wife -- I give up, how do I juggle all this? (Piper and Phoebe are very quiet. Paige picks up on an argument in progress.) PAIGE: Mm. What are we arguing about? PIPER: The ultimate power, what else? PHOEBE: Her name is Billie. And I think we should help her not hurt her. PIPER: Okay. What if she tries to hurt us first? Then, what? BILLIE: Ding, ding! Back to your corners. Here is the deal. This is difficult for us, right? So, we should probably try to be nice to each other. ‘Specially hard on me. Jeez! She's been my charge. PIPER: So you're saying, what? That you side with Phoebe? PAIGE: No, I didn't say that at all. All I'm saying is it's messing with all of our lives. (to Piper) You with P3 and the boys. (to Phoebe) You with work, Cupid. PHOEBE: (corrects) Michael ... (Paige rolls her eyes.) PAIGE: And me, lucky little me, I am stuck with another future whitelighter. Which means I don't even get to see my new husband. PIPER: Well, at least you have a husband. I'm still trying to get mine back. PHOEBE: And I'm still trying to find a husband, but that doesn't mean that we can't – (Paige stops. She hears a call and it shows on her face.) PIPER: What? PAIGE: Oh, dear, she's in trouble! Is this ever gonna end? (Paige orbs out.) (Piper heads for the stairs and starts climbing.) PIPER: I'm going go try to make a potion. PHOEBE: To do what? PIPER: (calls back) What do you think? PHOEBE: Okay, but I just don't think I'm ready for this, right now. PIPER: You better get ready! (Phoebe sighs. She doesn't like it.) CUT TO: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) – DAY] [EXT. ALLEY – DAY] (Mikelle, a tough-looking woman, punches the Darklighter Sid in his face, and kicks him in the chest sending him crashing into the crates against the wall. She takes off running.) (Paige orbs in directly in front of her, stopping her run.) MIKELLE: (shocked) Holy crap! (The Darklighter Sid reaches out and a CROSSBOW AND ARROW suddenly MATERIALIZES in his hand. He takes aim at Mikelle.) (Paige sees him.) PAIGE: (seeing past her) Duck! (Mikelle ducks. He fires. The arrow hurls straight toward Paige. She raises her hand and pushes the arrow back.) PAIGE: Arrow! (The arrow zooms back straight toward Sid. He ducks and it SLAMS into the wall just behind him.) (Mikelle stands up.) MIKELLE: Paige, I don't understand. Where did you come from? PAIGE: See for yourself. (Paige grabs Mikelle and orbs them both out.) (Just in time. Sid sits up, a second ARROW popping magically into his CROSSBOW as he takes aim, ready to fre -- (But, they're gone.) (He lowers his wapon and sighs. He reaches over his head and pulls the arrow out of the wall behind him. He black orbs out.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO SCENES (STOCK) – MORNING TO DAY] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN – DAY] (It's take your child to work day at the office. The parents who work at the Bay Mirror have their children there in the bullpen with them.) (Phoebe enters the bullpen, a smile on her face at the sight of all the children there. She stops by to greet the boy standing next to his dad's desk.) PHOEBE: Hey, Colin! Did you come visit your daddy today at work? COLIN: Yeah. PHOEBE: Oh, that's great! (Phoebe turns and sees a little girl at another desk with her mother. She rushes over to see what they're looking at together.) PHOEBE: Ooh! (to the little girl) Hey! Hello, little missy. (The girl turns around and smiles at her.) PHOEBE: I like your hair like that. I wouldn't mind hair like that too sometimes. GIRL: Really? Thanks! (The girl and her mother walk away. Phoebe smiles as she looks at the children in the bullpen.) PHOEBE: (wistfully) Aw, this is nice. COOP: (o.s.) Oh they're so cute, aren't they? (Phoebe turns and finds Coop sitting in her chair in her office. He leans back in the chair looking at the paper. His feet are on the corner of her desk. Phoebe turns and heads for her office.) COOP: 'Course, you'll never have one of your own, unless follow through with a date. [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Phoebe steps into her office.) PHOEBE: What are you doing back here? COOP: Just trying to figure you out. Which I thought I already had. PHOEBE: Mm-hm. (Phoebe's had enough. She hits Coop's legs with her briefcase.) PHOEBE: Okay, get up! Get up! (She keeps whacking him till he gets up and off her chair.) COOP: Hey, hey! (chuckles) Okay. You know, if you don't start taking this more seriously you're gonna be sitting here alone again next year for career day. (Phoebe sits down.) PHOEBE: Okay, you know what? I don't want to deal with this right now, okay? (Phoebe goes to grab something; Coop stops her.) COOP: No, no, it's not okay, not by a long sht. You know, I worked my tail off ... to find you a perfectly good match in Michael. And what do I get for it? You go out with him a grand total of once. PHOEBE: So? COOP: So? I've got a reputation to protect. I've never missed. PHOEBE: Well, there's a first time for everything. (He chuckles.) COOP: No, no, no, no. Not when it comes to finding love. Not when it comes to me. PHOEBE: You're so cocky, you know that? COOP: You're damn right I am. (Coop sits down on the couch near the door.) I know you, Phoebe. Inside and out. I have researched every nook and cranny ... PHOEBE: Okay, that makes me feel violated. COOP: I know what you're looking for in a man, believe me. I am an expert in you. Which is exactly why I know there's nothing absolutely wrong with Michael. PHOEBE: Okay! So, I'm just supposed to marry the guy? COOP: No, of course not. I didn't say he was the one. The point is -- PHOEBE: You know what? I don't care what your point is ... right now. Okay? I am dealing with a lot, and I'm trying to balance everything out. COOP: Phoebe, love is paramount. PHOEBE: Not now, okay? Please, not now. (Coop raises his hands in surrender and stands up. He heads for the door.) COOP: You know? Maybe you should try reaching out to Billie. Talk to her. (Phoebe looks at him, surprised that he even knew.) PHOEBE: How do you know? COOP: (softly) I told you ... I know you. (Coop leaves, closing the door behind him. Phoebe closes her eyes and thinks about it.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY] (Billie is going through the books. Christy walks in.) CHRISTY: What are you doing? BILLIE: Just trying to figure this whole stupid thing out, you know? If this really is destined -- CHRISTY: It is. BILLIE: Well, then it should be written somewhere, don't you think? Everything else is. CHRISTY: Billie, why do you keep fighting this? BILLIE: Because. Because I don't like it, okay? It sucks. I just -- I feel like I walked out on my family. CHRISTY: I know, but they're not your family, Billie, they never were. They used you. BILLIE: I just don't believe that. (Christy reaches out to touch Billie's hair; Billie pulls away from her.) CHRISTY: That's because you don't want to believe that. And I don't blame you. I mean after you trusted them, and you befriended them, you were betrayed. BILLIE: I just feel like this is a huge misunderstanding. If we can just talk to them, maybe-- CHRISTY: (interrupts) We tried talking to them, but they don't care about us or you. They only cared about themselves. That's all they ever cared about. BILLIE: That's not true. CHRISTY: Isn't it? What did they want to do to you when they first met you? They wanted to train you, to teach you the craft. BILLIE: Yes, and they did. CHRISTY: Yeah, but not for you, it was for them. So they could kick back and do whatever they wanted and you could go out there and risk your life to do their job. I mean, they're supposed to be Charmed Ones, Billie, not you. BILLIE: They're good people, Christy. They've helped hundreds of innocents. CHRISTY: Not lately, they haven't. Lately they've been doing everything for themselves, for their own personal gain. And it's not right. I mean, they faked their deaths. They bartered with Destiny, they've remade the world with Avatars all for themselves. I mean, does that sound like the greater good to you? BILLIE: You know, you talk about them like they're evil or something. CHRISTY: Billie, it's not about good or evil, it's about power. And absolute power corrupts absolutely. I mean, they feel like they don't have to live by the rules anymore. That they can do whatever they want, and no one is gonna be there stop them. BILLIE: Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Hm? Stop them? CHRISTY: No. No, we're supposed to stop them. It's our destiny. BILLIE: I'm just not ready to do that. I can't. CHRISTY: Well, you have to get ready. We both do. If we don't stop them ... nobody will. It's up to us. (Billie shakes her head and looks at the book in front of her. The words vanish leaving just specific letters: TALK PHOEBE?) (Billie glances at Christy.) CHRISTY: What's wrong? BILLIE: Nothing, I just -- you know, I need to clear my head and get out of here for a while. So, I'll be back. (Billie leaves.) (Christy goes and looks at the book. All she sees is the normal book.) (Nevertheless, Christy is suspicious.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD -- DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR] (In what appears to be a wapon factory, DARKLIGHTERS create crossbows, sharpen arrows and craft other wapon. We find Sid being mocked by an older Darklighter, Salek.) SALEK: Overpowered by the powerless. (demands to know) What happened? SID: She was saved by a whitelighter, Salek. SALEK: Then you should've sht both of them. SID: She wasn't just a whitelighter, Salek. She was a Charmed One. (Salek pauses, intrigued.) SALEK: How do you know? SID: You've taught us well. SALEK: (dismisses that) Not well enough, apparently. (turns, ponders) And where is she now, the charge? SID: I don't know. The witch cloaked her with her magic. Should I move on to another charge? SALEK: No, I want this one. (opportunistic) To lure out the Charmed One. (He walks over to the rack of newly crafted poison arrows. He picks up an arrow and looks at it.) SALEK: There's no better prize. SID: (wary) But, I'm not sure how to -- SALEK: (cuts him off) You won't have to, I'll do it myself. (sighs) I've waited my whole life for an opportunity like this. But I must be patient. I must wait for just the right opening. SID: But in success, the underworld will bow to you. The demons won't stand it -- SALEK: (shouts) I don't give a damn about what demons think! Let them cling to their prophecies about ultimate powers, their rumors of final battles. (singularly focused) I only care about one battle. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – FOYER/LIVING ROOM – DAY] (The front door opens and Paige enters with Mikelle.) PAIGE: Okay, uhm -- stay put, I will be right back, okay? MIKELLE: Wait, where're you going? (Paige closes the door.) PAIGE: I have to go check on my sister. MIKELLE: Well, you just did that. PAIGE: Oh, see, actually no. It's my other sister. Look, I know you're really freaked out right now, but I've got so many things going on, so if you could just wait here for a second – MIKELLE: (plaintive) Wait a minute. What about me? I still don't understand anything that's going on here. I mean, okay -- witches and blacklighters? PAIGE: (corrects) Oh, no, no, no. Darklighters. MIKELLE: But what does it mean? What does it have to do with me? PAIGE: You see, I told you. You are a future whitelighter. (before she can question) I'll explain more about that later, too. Okay? MIKELLE: (scoffs) Are you sure you've got the right person? PAIGE: Positive. Otherwise the darklighters wouldn't be trying to stop you from becoming a whitelighter. Ha! (A LOUD explsin from upstairs startles both Paige and Mikelle.) MIKELLE: (scared) Darklighters? PAIGE: (knowing) No, crazy sister. (hurried) Okay, here is the deal. You're safe. So, stay put. Have a seat on the couch. I'll be back as soon as I can. (Paige takes off for the attic leaving Mikelle looking nervously around and unsure what to do.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Paige enters the attic and finds a smoking mannequin.) PAIGE: Hey, there. What did that mannequin ever do to you? PIPER: Cute. PAIGE: Aw, poor thing. (Piper looks at the potions pot and tosses in another ingredient.) PAIGE: What're you doing? PIPER: Making a Power of Three potion. PAIGE: Oh, for what? (Piper levels Paige a look. ‘Come on.) PAIGE: Oh, Piper. PIPER: Look, sooner or later you two are gonna realize that is us or them, and I for once would like to be ready. PAIGE: Look, you can't just vanquish Billie and Christy. For one thing, you know, it's, uh ... illegal. PIPER: Is that the best you got? PAIGE: Well, I think that's a pretty valid point. Look, we know you wanna get Leo back -- PIPER: (sighs) You know what? I'm tired of everybody using that against me, like it diminishes my credibility or something. Because it doesn't. PAIGE: Well, you must admit it's probably clouding your judgment just a little bit. PIPER: That sounds more like something Phoebe would say. PAIGE: Yeah, she just did. PIPER: What do you mean, she just did? When did she say that exactly? PAIGE: On the phone, a few minutes ago. PIPER: Oh, I see. She's taking your calls, but she's not taking my calls. Where is she? PAIGE: She's at home. (With a potions vial in her hand, Piper heads for the door.) PAIGE: Where are you going? PIPER: To find out what her problem is. (Paige makes a face behind her back.) PAIGE: ... Sisters ... CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe opens the door and finds Billie there.) PHOEBE: Hey, sweetie, I'm really glad you came. Come in. BILLIE: Are we alone? (Billie steps inside.) PHOEBE: Yeah, of course we are. (Phoebe closes the door. Billie looks around.) PHOEBE: So, how are you doing? You're okay? BILLIE: Uh -- what do you want to talk about? (Billie stops and turns around.) PHOEBE: Uh, I would imagine the same thing that you want to talk about. I mean, that's why you're here, right? BILLIE: Well, I'm a little confused right now. That's all. PHOEBE: Well, what are you confused about? BILLIE: Why you all used me. PHOEBE: (scoffs) Is that Christy talking? BILLIE: Don't blame this on her. PHOEBE: Look, I'm not blaming anything on her. I'm just trying to understand. Okay? Look, Billie, we're not the bad guys here. BILLIE: Well, she thinks you are. PHOEBE: Okay, well, she's wrong. BILLIE: She thinks you're using your powers only for yourselves, and not the greater good. And sooner or later -- PHOEBE: Sooner or later ... what? BILLIE: You'll have to be stopped. PHOEBE: Is that what you think, too? BILLIE: I don't know, okay? That's why I'm here. (The door opens and Piper pokes her head in.) BILLIE: (accusing) You said we were alone! PHOEBE: (duh) Hello! We were alone. (to Piper) What're you doing here? (Piper has her hands behind her back as she steps into the loft.) PIPER: Wondering what she's doing here. (Billie backs away as Piper enters the room.) PHOEBE: We're just having a little chat. PIPER: Good. Great. I'm listening. (Billie remains quiet. Then, CHRISTY: (o.s.) Stay away from my sister! (Billie whirls around and suddenly, tensions increase as Christy steps into the room through the open balcony doors.) PHOEBE: Okay, how did you get in? (Christy holds up a potions vial.) CHRISTY: The same way we're leaving. (Billie goes to stand next to Christy.) CHRISTY: Let's go. PHOEBE: Okay, can't we just talk about this, please? CHRISTY: There's nothing to talk about. PIPER: All right then. (Piper throws the first vial at Christy.) PHOEBE: Don't, Piper! (Christy looks at it and it explodes mid-air. The force of the explsin knocks Phoebe and Piper off their feet.) (Piper turns to get up, her hands ready to blast back, but Phoebe stops her.) PHOEBE: No, Piper! (Christy turns and looks at Billie.) CHRISTY: Do you need any more proof? (Christy throws the vial and they vanish.) (Piper turns and looks at Phoebe.) PIPER: Do you? FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – LIVING ROOM – DAY] (Paige walks into the living room with a cup of tea for Mikelle who is sitting on the couch.) PAIGE: Here is something to help you relax. MIKELLE: (scoffs) I doubt it. (then) You got anything stronger? PAIGE: Ah, it's a little early for that, don't you think? MIKELLE: It's five o'clock somewhere. (off her look) Well. Okay, I take it you whitelighters aren't really one for drink, huh? Well, if you had a life like mine – (Paige sits down on the table in front of Mikelle.) PAIGE: (concerned) Mikelle, look, I know your history, okay? I know you've had a tough time. The thing is though, if you don't believe in yourself, and you keep telling yourself you're going to be nothing, you will in fact be nothing. Clearly the reason I was sent to help you was to help you see that you were meant something special. (Mikelle sighs.) MIKELLE: (genuine) You're sweet. I just think it's gonna take a lot more than some nice words and a cup of tea to make me believe that ... I'm meant for something in my life. (bat) MIKELLE: (starts to get up) I should probably go. (Paige quickly stands and stands in Mikelle's way.) PAIGE: No, you can't go. You can't leave, sorry. MIKELLE: You've obviously have other things to worry about. PAIGE: You can't, because we haven't found the Darklighter who's after you, okay? It is too dangerous out there. MIKELLE: You haven't even started looking for him yet. (Paige sighs realizing that she's right.) (Off screen, they hear the front door open.) [INT. MANOR – FOYER / MAIN HALL – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens. Phoebe and Piper enter, mid-argument.) PHOEBE: Piper, why didn't you just freeze them? (Piper and Phoebe don't realize that they're not alone.) PIPER: Because it wouldn't have worked. PHOEBE: Okay, so, it's better to just start a wr? (They stop in the main hall.) PIPER: Oh, stop, it was one mousy potion. I just meant to scare them. I wasn't gonna take them out with that. PHOEBE: Take them out? Why don't you say what you really mean? kll them. (Piper sighs.) (From the living room, Paige intervenes.) PAIGE: (loud) Girls, be nice. MIKELLE: (trying to leave) I'm outta here. (She tries to get up, but Paige stops her again.) PAIGE: (stops her) No, just stay, okay? Please, stay. Have some tea. (Paige steps out of the living room to join Piper and Phoebe.) PHOEBE: What were you even doing there? PIPER: Why were you hiding it from me? MIKELLE: I'm only in the way here. PAIGE: No, you're not. Please, stay. (to Piper, appeals) Hey, a little help here, please? (In the back, Mikelle gets up to leave anyway. Piper turns and freezes her.) PIPER: (to Phoebe) There, I froze somebody. Happy? (Phoebe rolls her eyes.) PAIGE: Alright, you two. (Paige grabs Piper and leads them into -- [INT. MANOR – SITTING ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] -- where Piper sits down.) PAIGE: This is ridiculous. We're not gonna solve anything by fighting with each other. PIPER: Since when did you become the big sister? PAIGE: Since you stopped acting like one. PHOEBE: Hah! PAIGE: (to Phoebe) And you -- what's this whole sneaking around behind our backs thing? It's not what we need right now. It's not making our lives any easier. PIPER: Hah! PHOEBE: You know what, I'm really glad I went ... because I actually learned something. PIPER: Like what? That they would like to kll us? PHOEBE: No, that just in their twisted reality, they think that we're the bad guys. PIPER: It's not a twisted reality, it's a Triad reality. They brainwashed Christy just like Christy's going to brainwash Billie. PHOEBE: Well, not necessarily. And look, you know, they're right, we're not all about the greater good anymore. PIPER: (irritated) No one can't expect us to be. We've been doing this for eight years! (Her phone rings; Piper pulls it out of her pocket.) And we've done a lot of really great good, in my opinion. (She answers her phone.) PIPER: (to phone) Hello? What do you mean, the band's not coming? I've a signed contract. I don't? Well, that's too bad. You're gonna have figure that one out 'cause, you know I've got stuff going on. (She hangs up and throws the phone on the couch.) How the hell did that happen? PAIGE: We're spreading ourselves too thin. I can't even find a stupid Darklighter. PHOEBE: Hm. I'm sure she doesn't think he's stupid. PAIGE: Thank you for the guilt. PIPER: Okay, regardless of what you think the cold hard fact is ... the Power of Three is needed to stop Billie and Christy. Whether you like it or not. PHOEBE: Well, I'm sorry. I just still don't like it. (Phoebe gets up and leaves. Piper looks at Paige.) PIPER: What about you? PAIGE: I don't know yet. (The front door closes.) But I have a charge to save. (Paige stands up and leaves Piper sitting alone.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY] (Christy talks with Billie who is still hesitant and uncertain.) CHRISTY: They threw a potion at us, Billie. At both of us. BILLIE: She didn't mean to. She just wants Leo back. CHRISTY: So, that means she has kll us? BILLIE: That wouldn't have klled us. You know that. CHRISTY: Billie, this is insane, I cannot believe you're defending them. BILLIE: I'm not. I am -- I don't know. Look, maybe they're just as confused about this as we are. CHRISTY: I'm not confused. BILLIE: Well, I am. (sighs) I'm sorry, but I am. This isn't easy for me. I care about them a lot, you know? CHRISTY: I know. BILLIE: I just wish I knew more, so I could know what to do. CHRISTY: I can show you. The same way the Triad showed me. I was meant to be taken, Billie, to be shown the way, just like you were meant to find me, so I could show you. BILLIE: The way? CHRISTY: Our path, it's the one we were meant to share together for the greater good. But, before you can do what you have to do, first you have to see that their core, their inner truths, are not for the greater good. That they don't deserve to keep their powers. They lost the way. Are you ready to see that? (Billie turns to look at Christy. She nods.) CUT TO: [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO SCENERY (STOCK) – DAY] (Camera zooms in toward -- [EXT. PHOEBE'S BUILDING (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (The front door opens as Phoebe returns home. She exhales and puts her bag down on the chair next to the door.) (Someone knocks on the door.) (Phoebe answers the door.) COOP: Hey. (Why is she not surprised? Phoebe laughs.) COOP: What? Bad time? (Phoebe turns and heads inside. Coop enters the loft.) PHOEBE: No, I just walked in the door. COOP: Yeah, I know, I've been hovering in the ether. (He closes the door as Phoebe sinks down into the sofa and puts her feet up on the table.) COOP: So, did you talk to Billie? How'd it go? PHOEBE: Ah, yeah. I talked to her, right up until the point where Piper tried to kll her. (Coop sits down on the ottoman facing her.) COOP: What? What are you talking about? PHOEBE: I don't want a go through again, but it didn't go well. And I don't want to bore you with all this family drama. COOP: Well, I'm here. Bore me. PHOEBE: But it has nothing to do with love. COOP: Yeah, it does. Family love. It's your sisters, right? Come on, try me. PHOEBE: Okay, if I ask you a question ... you have to promise me that you're going to be really honest. COOP: Yeah, absolutely. (She sighs.) PHOEBE: Do you think I'm selfish? COOP: Selfish? PHOEBE: Yeah, selfish. I mean, do you think it's wrong for me to want a life after being Charmed? You know, with work, and -- and friends and – COOP: -- Love? PHOEBE: (smiles) Yeah, and love too. I mean, is that so wrong for me to want those things? COOP: No. I mean, not as far as I'm concerned. And obviously not as far the Elders are concerned, either, otherwise they wouldn't have sent me down here to you. I may be talking of turn 'cause I don't know for sure, but I would think with everything you've done for as long as you've done it, you deserve to have a life. All of you do. You've earned it. PHOEBE: (deeply touched) Thank you. COOP: Yeah. (though) PHOEBE: I just don't think Billie and Christy see it that way. COOP: (shakes his head) That doesn't matter. (She smiles at him. Her phone rings. She checks the CALLER ID and is surprised.) PHOEBE: It's Billie. (to Coop) What do I do? COOP: Whatever your heart tells you to. (After hesitating a moment, Phoebe answers the phone.) PHOEBE: (to phone) Hello? CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – PIPER'S BEDROOM – DAY] (Piper is alone in her bedroom, sitting on the table and deep in her own thoughts. Elder Sandra orbs in.) PIPER: (quietly) Thanks for coming. SANDRA: Of course. (Piper stands up.) PIPER: I need to know if Billie and Christy are the ones who are going to have to fight to get Leo back. SANDRA: Boy, you get right to the point, don't you? PIPER: Please. SANDRA: I don't know, Piper, I'm sorry. Only the Angel of Destiny knows. PIPER: How is that possible? If this is the great thrat everybody's so worried about, how can you not know who it is? What do you guys do up there all day? SANDRA: (cautiously) We think that ... it might be, yes -- PIPER: ... perfect. SANDRA: Especially after the involvement of the Triad. You have to understand that this plan was put into motion years before you even knew that you were witches. PIPER: But, why? SANDRA: Perhaps they anticipated that no one would ever be able to defeat you. So rather than looking for more demons, they recruited powerful witches just like you. And, perhaps, even more importantly ... Powerful sisters. PIPER: Would you like to explain that to Phoebe? Because I don't think she's gonna believe me. SANDRA: It won't make it any easier for her to know. Billie ... (sighs) ... is a friend, a person. That's what makes it all the more insidious. PIPER: (afraid to even ask) So, how do we defeat them? SANDRA: (with concern) I wish I knew. (Holding her look for a long bat, Sandra orbs out leaving Piper with more knowledge and no solutions.) (Paige appears in the doorway.) PAIGE: Hey! Guess who just called? (Camera holds on Piper.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – STAIRS/SITTING ROOM – DAY] (Paige fills Piper in as they descend the stairs.) PIPER: Did she say what she wanted? PAIGE: Just that she wanted to speak to us. PIPER: Yeah, well, great, then this could be a trap. Did she o call Phoebe? PHOEBE: (o.s.) Yeah, she did. (They stop and looks up finding Phoebe standing in the Conservatory, waiting for them.) (Piper and Paige head over.) PIPER: (worried) Well, at the risk of your wrath, I 'm gonna tell you that this could be a very bad idea. PHOEBE: I know, but please lets just listen at what Billie has to say. PIPER: (to Phoebe) I just spoke with an Elder and she confirmed that this could be very big trouble for us. PAIGE: What? PIPER: She wasn't a hundred percent sure, but it is a possibility, which means sooner or later -- (A large column of white smoke rises up. When it dissipates, Billie is standing there. Her hands are hidden behind her back.) PIPER: You know, considering you want to kll us, maybe you should use the front door. BILLIE: I don't want kll you, Piper, I just want to find out the truth. PHOEBE: How do we help you find that? BILLIE: Like this. (Billie throws a vials on the floor and smashes it. The girls glow, then collapse on the floor unconscious.) (A second column of white smoke rises as Christy arrives at the manor.) BILLIE: You promise not to hurt them, right? CHRISTY: Not until you see what you need to see. (Billie and Christy turn to looks at the girls unconscious on the floor.) FLASH OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY – DAY] (Billie and Christy step closer to the sleeping girls.) BILLIE: (worried) They're barely breathing. CHRISTY: The potion put them into a deep sleep so all they do is dream. (Billie kneels down to check on them.) CHRISTY: And since dreams provide insight, you'll be able to see what they truly care about. BILLIE: How? MIKELLE: (o.s.) Paige? (Billie stands up.) BILLIE: Who are you? MIKELLE: I'm Mikelle. I'm her charge – (Mikelle looks down at the girls on the floor, then she looks at Billie – thinking the absolute worst.) MIKELLE: Oh my god! (Mikelle turns and leaves.) BILLIE: Wait, no, no, no! (Christy stops Billie from following her.) CHRISTY: It's okay. No. Just let her go. BILLIE: But, what if she's in trouble? CHRISTY: She's not our concern. They are. CUT TO: [EXT. MANOR – FRONT PORCH – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The front door opens and Mikelle runs out of the house. She slams the door closed. Just then, Salek black orbs in right in front of her.) SALEK: Looks like your Whitelighter left you uncloaked. Big mistake. (Mikelle tries to run, but Salek grabs her neck.) SALEK: No, no, no. MIKELLE: (terrified) Please, what do you want? SALEK: (ominous) I want your screams to draw her directly to me. (And he black orbs them both out.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY – DAY] (Christy explains how it works to Billie.) CHRISTY: Everything in dream world has a meaning, all the people, the places, the emotions -- they're all manifestations of who they truly are, together as well as separately. BILLIE: Will they know they're dreaming? CHRISTY: Yes. They'll probably think that they were sent there, so you're gonna have to be careful. You just have to play a role, and make them believe you're just part of their dreams. BILLIE: Well, how will I find their inner truths? CHRISTY: Well, they'll have to find their inner truths in order to wake up, all you have to do is follow them. Just think of a sister ... and, poof, you're there. That's dream world. This will get you in and out. (She shows Billie a red crystal.) CHRISTY: Are you ready? BILLIE: I hope you're wrong. CHRISTY: Billie, if I am wrong, we'll leave them alone, just like I promised. But, if I'm not -- BILLIE: I know, I know. (Billie takes the red crystal from Christy, closes her eyes and changes into a glow of light that separates into three pieces and swirls down, down, down – and settles one piece onto each sister's head.) SMASH ZOOM TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY – NIGHT] (The air ripples and we find ourselves in Dream World. Inside the manor. Everything is a shade darker and shadow-y.) (The sisters are up and about looking around.) PIPER: Anything? (Phoebe bounds down the stairs. She meets up with Piper and Paige.) PHOEBE: No. Everything seems normal. Sort of. PAIGE: Well, Mikelle is gone. PIPER: And so is Billie. She obviously did something to us. PAIGE: Yeah, but what? PIPER: I don't know, but this is weird, and that's never good. (Piper whacks Phoebe on her arm. Hard.) PHOEBE: Oww! PIPER: I told you it was a trap! PAIGE: Okay, we need to figure out what she did to us and fast. (Phoebe sighs. She turns and sees Billie step out into the hallway.) PHOEBE: Oh, why we just ask her? BILLIE: Oh, hey, guys, what's up? (Phoebe and Paige separate to flank Billie. Billie cuts a quick exit.) BILLIE: I'm ... late for class. Bye. PIPER: No you don't! (Piper runs to stop her.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – FOYER – NIGHT] (As they watch, Billie runs out of the foyer, out the front door and completely through a green force shield around the house. She vanishes.) (Phoebe tries to stop at the door, but the force shield around the house pulls her in – then Piper and Paige.) PHOEBE/PIPER/PAIGE: Whoa, whoa, whoa! (They're sucked completely into the force shield and vanish.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN – NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Phoebe appears in the bullpen. She stops and looks around. The place is being run with children. There's a little girl boss sitting at the desk.) (Another little girl journalist carries her work to the first little girl.) LITTLE GIRL BOSS: This article's too long, you've gotta cut it down. LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: Wait, can't we just take some space from "Ask Phoebe"? (The little girl journalist turns and looks at Phoebe.) LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: Well, mom, what do you think? PHOEBE: Wait, wha-- ? Did you just say mom? What? LITTLE GIRL BOSS: You should just answer one letter today. Will it kll you? PHOEBE: Hold up, wait a minute. LITTLE GIRL JOURNALIST: We're running out of time, you know, you can't keep putting us on hold. (The little girl journalist looks sadly at Phoebe.) COOP: (o.s.) Baby. Come here. (She turns and sees Coop peering out through her darkened office door.) PHOEBE: Baby? COOP: Honey, come on! (Phoebe turns and heads for Coop.) (Cut to: From the bullpen door, Billie watches Phoebe. She leaves, the door closing behind her.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) HENRY'S OFFICE – NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Paige is trying the phone.) PAIGE: What the hell is going on? (she looks up) Piper? Phoebe? ... (weakly) ... Henry? DREAM PAIGE: (o.s.) Henry's not here. (Through the open door, she sees Dream Paige in a long white gown standing out in the hallway.) PAIGE: Who the -- DREAM PAIGE: but then you're not looking for him anyway. PAIGE: What do you mean? I'm not? DREAM PAIGE: Follow me. (Dream Paige turns and walks down the hallway.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) – HENRY'S OFFICE – LONG HALLWAY – NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Dream Paige leads Paige through the hall and around the corner.) PAIGE: Hold on, wait! (Paige stops and watches Dream Paige walk away.) (There's a glow and Dream Mikelle appears.) DREAM MIKELLE: What about me? PAIGE: Mikelle, what are you doing here? DREAM MIKELLE: (weakly) I need your help. (Paige turns and sees Dream Paige walking away around another corner.) PAIGE: Okay. Uh, stay here and wait for me. I'll be right back. (Paige runs after Dream Paige. Dream Mikelle glows and vanishes.) (Billie watches from around the corner.) FLASH TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) P-3 – NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Piper is walking through an angry crowd, angry that there's no band there for the night.) PIPER: Where's the band? This is a rip-off! (She makes her way through the crowd.) PIPER: Phoebe? Paige? (A man walks past her.) PIPER: Excuse you. BARTENDER: You going to tell me you forgot to sign the contract? PIPER: What? BARTENDER: You can't keep neglecting everything for Leo, you know? PIPER: Hey, wait – (Some people cross Piper's line of vision of the Bartender, and then he's gone.) (Sitting at the bar, Piper sees Billie watching her.) PIPER: (accusing) You! (Piper heads over. Spotted, Billie gets up to leave. Piper catches her.) PIPER: Alright, I want answers. Now! (She pulls her to the side.) BILLIE: Oh – FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) P-3 – NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Piper pushes Billie down into the chair.) PIPER: I'm listening. BILLIE: What's your problem? PIPER: My problem? My problem is I want to know what you did to us, and why. BILLIE: I didn't do anything. You did it. PIPER: I did it? What does that mean? BILLIE: You tell me. It's your dream. PIPER: My dream? What are you talking about? (Billie tries to stand up. Piper pushes her back down in the chair.) PIPER: I asked you a question. BILLIE: What're you going to do, blow me up again like last time? PIPER: Last time? BILLIE: Every damn dream lately, that's all you ever do. Like I'm responsible for Leo or something. PIPER: Are you trying to drive me crazy? BILLIE: Look, I'm not the bad guy here, okay? As much you want to demonize me, I'm not the problem. PIPER: Okay, fine. Then what is? BILLIE: How do I know? Look, you know the truth, you know what you're all about. Find it. (Billie steps away from Piper. Billie closes her eyes.) BILLIE: Phoebe. (She vanishes.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR – OUTER CORRIDOR – NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Billie stands outside in the hallway of the Bay Mirror offices. Everything is quiet. Billie heads into the bullpen.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Inside, Coop has Phoebe pressed back into the wall. They're so close, their breath intermingle. They desperately want to kiss the other.) PHOEBE: Wait. We shouldn't be doing this. COOP: Shh. We have to hurry. PHOEBE: What do you mean? Why do you keep saying that? COOP: You want a family, don't you? Kids? PHOEBE: Well, yeah, but it doesn't it go against all the Cupid rules? COOP: There are no rules in a dream. PHOEBE: A dream? COOP: Yeah. PHOEBE: Is that what this is? COOP: It's gonna be whatever you want it to be. PHOEBE: Wait a minute, you and me in a dream -- (Phoebe realizes something.) PHOEBE: Oh boy. (Phoebe pulls out of Coop's embrace and heads out of the office.) [INT. (DREAMWORLD) THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN – NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM) -- CONTINUOUS] (She exits her office and makes her way through the busy children to the door.) PHOEBE: Oh, sorry. PHOEBE: Excuse me. PHOEBE: Whoo! (Phoebe heads out. In the back of the office, Billie watches.) CUT TO: [EXT. (DREAMWORLD) ALLEY – NIGHT (PAIGE'S DREAM)] (Paige hurries through the dark alley to find Dream Paige hovering mid-air in medication on a seat of orb lights.) PAIGE: Ah! What the hell? DREAM PAIGE: Come, seek. (Paige steps forward.) PAIGE: Seek what, exactly? DREAM PAIGE: Your inner truth. What you keep searching for and what keeps alluding you. PAIGE: Please, tell me I'm not dreaming about myself. Why can't I dream about somebody cool like, I don't know, Quentin Tarantino? DREAM PAIGE: Not until you find you. The search for self is a noble one, and if you don't find it, you'll be lost, imbalanced, and ultimately spread too thin. PAIGE: Yeah, well. Tell me something I don't know. DREAM PAIGE: You don't know me, but you want to. More than anything. (Unknown to Paige, in the alley behind her, Billie watches and listens.) (Billie closes her eyes and flashes out.) (Suddenly, Dream Paige opens her mouth and screams in pain.) QUICK FLASH TO: MIKELLE (Somewhere dark, injured and dying.) MIKELLE: (gasps) Paige? (As Paige watches, Dream Paige vanishes.) PAIGE: Mikelle. (Paige turns and runs out of the alley.) RIPPLE TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – FOYER/CONSERVATORY – NIGHT] (The front door opens and Phoebe walks in.) PHOEBE: Piper? Paige? (Phoebe turns and finds Piper in the Conservatory.) PHOEBE: Oh, Piper. Thank god, I found you. Wait, this is you, right? Not some weird wacky manifestation? PIPER: Wacky, maybe. Do you think we're dreaming, too? PHOEBE: What else could it be? (Phoebe sits down.) PIPER: What I don't get is why would Billie do this to us? I mean, what does she get out of it? PHOEBE: I don't know, but we have to figure out a way to wake up, otherwise we're in deep ... trouble. PIPER: Oh, so now you're worried about Billie and Christy? PHOEBE: Well, yeah. I mean, I may be an optimist, but I'm not stupid, you know? Have you seen Paige? PIPER: No, you? (Phoebe shakes her head.) PIPER: Well, they don't want to kll us, if they did we'd be dad, not dreaming. PHOEBE: What were you dreaming about? PIPER: Neglect. Apparently I put everything in my life on hold for Leo. PHOEBE: Sounds about right. PIPER: What were you dreaming about? PHOEBE: Oh, you know, I'd rather not get into it, really. (Phoebe glances at Piper's look and caves.) PHOEBE: Okay, I was dreaming about me and Coop, and --you know, we were ... doing stuff ... PIPER: (chuckles) Hang on a second. So you're having sex dreams while I'm sitting here wracked with guilt? PHOEBE: I'm sure he was just representing what really wanted, you know? I mean -- I don't want him, obviously, you know, because even if I did, I -- I couldn't -- I couldn't have him ... because of all the rules. (Phoebe sighs.) PIPER: Okay you're the big psychology major, how do we get out of this? What do we do now? PHOEBE: I think we go deeper. I think we have to follow our dreams wherever they lead us, and hope that we wake up. PIPER: Hopefully. (Up on the stairs, Billie watches and listens to their conversation.) PIPER: (o.s.) Okay, so how do we do that? PHOEBE: (o.s.) I don't know, let's start by interpreting wherever we've already been, and try to figure out where our dreams are gonna take us. (THUMP! Billie turns at the sounds coming from the attic. She looks back at Phoebe and Piper, then heads upstairs to check the attic.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – ATTIC – NIGHT] (Billie walks cautiously into the attic and looks around. At first she doesn't see anyone, then-- THUD! (Paige is behind the potions table digging through a trunk. She's just picked up the Book of Shadows and puts it down on the table.) BILLIE: Paige. (Paige looks up, angry and desperate.) PAIGE: You! (Paige advances toward Billie.) Get me out of here, now! (Billie backs away.) BILLIE: (plays dumb) I don't know what you're talking about -- (Paige reaches Billie and slams her up against the attic wall.) PAIGE: Look, I don't have time for this crap, okay? You want to stop us, you think we're selfish, whatever. But if you don't get me out of here right now, my charge is going to die! Is that what you want? FLASH TO: [INT. (REAL WORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY – DAY] (Christy paces the floor as she waits. A red-ish light rises out of Paige, swirls around and Billie materializes next to Christy.) CHRISTY: Welcome back. (Paige gasps and wakes up.) CHRISTY: What's this? BILLIE: I didn't have a choice. (Paige looks worriedly over at Piper and Phoebe.) PAIGE: Piper, Phoebe? BILLIE: They can't wake up, not yet ... but don't worry, they'll be fine, I promise. PAIGE: They'd better be. (Paige orbs out. Billie sighs.) BILLIE: I've gotta get back. CUT TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD – DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR – NIGHT] (Mikelle is barely breathing. She's on the floor and slumped against the wall as Paige orbs in.) MIKELLE: Paige? PAIGE: Oh my god, Mikelle. (Paige is ht in the back by two Darklighter arrows, her body jerking from the impact.) (Paige falls to the floor. Behind her, Salek lowers his crossbow.) (Barely alive, Mikelle looks at Paige.) (Salek walks over to Paige and kneels. He tosses his crossbow aside.) SALEK: Well hopefully you'll die faster than it took you to get here. FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) RIPPLE IN: [EXT. (DREAMWORLD) HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – NIGHT] [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY – NIGHT] (Piper paces while Phoebe sits at the table, her head in her hands.) PIPER: I don't understand. Why isn't it working? PHOEBE: I don't know. I mean, maybe we're thinking too hard. Maybe we just need to let it go and see what happens. PIPER: I can't, I'm too worried. I'm worried about Paige, I mean, why haven't we seen her? PHOEBE: Maybe she got out. PIPER: Or maybe not. PHOEBE: Well, there's nothing we can do until we get back, so our only choice is to follow our dreams. PIPER: All right, all right, all right. (Phoebe sighs. Piper sits down.) PHOEBE: Okay, what did Billie say to you at the club? PIPER: Uh, she said something about I kept blwing her up, and, you know, right about now, that seems like a pretty fabulous idea. PHOEBE: blwing her up, why? PIPER: Because I think she's responsible for Leo, which, if she's talking about getting him back, then she would be correct. PHOEBE: Okay, maybe you need to stop focusing on Billie, and focus on Leo. I mean, that's what the bartender said, too. PIPER: Mm. And what about you and your lover? PHOEBE: I don't think it relates to him. I mean, not directly. Anyway, I think it more has to do with -- (There's a crash and a cry.) GIRL: (o.s.) Mommy, mommy! PHOEBE: Did you hear that? PIPER: What, your tall exotic lover? PHOEBE: No! GIRL: (o.s.) Mommy, hurry! PHOEBE: You didn't hear that? Okay, you wait here. (Phoebe gets up and heads out.) PHOEBE: Keep thinking about Leo. (Phoebe rushes into the kitchen.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – KITCHEN – NIGHT (PHOEBE'S DREAM)] (Phoebe walks into the kitchen.) GIRL: (o.s.) I'm sorry, mommy. (Phoebe takes a couple of steps inside.) PHOEBE: (to herself) Okay. Just go with it. (Phoebe goes to the little girl on the floor and sits down with her.) PHOEBE: (to the girl) What happened little sweet girl? GIRL: (crying) I wanted some cookies, but I fell. PHOEBE: Oh well, it's okay. Mommy is here now. GIRL: Okay. You almost didn't make it. You almost missed me. PHOEBE: What do you mean? GIRL: You've gotta hurry, or it's going to be too late to have me. Don't you want me, mommy? PHOEBE: Yes, of course I do, more than anything in this world. (Phoebe hugs the little girl.) (Camera moves over quickly to find Billie watching through the crack in the door. After a moment, she withdraws.) CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY/LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (PIPER'S DREAM)] (Billie turns and watches Piper sitting at the table in the Conservatory. After a bat, Piper hears children laughing and running.) (She gets up to look and finds a group of children of various ages, playing and laughing in the living room.) OLD LEO: (o.s.) Music to the ear, huh? (Piper turns around and finds a white-haired old man smiling at her.) OLD LEO: A house full of grandkids. It's what we always dreamed of, isn't it, Piper? PIPER: Leo? (He smiles at her. Piper steps forward and hugs Old Leo.) OLD LEO: Save me. PIPER: Whatever it takes. (Seeing this, Billie looks at the red crystal in her hand and withdraws.) (Piper and Old Leo hug.) PAIGE (VISION): (o.s.) Piper. (Piper looks up and sees a vision of Paige in the Conservatory. She pulls away from Old Leo.) PAIGE (VISION): Help. SWOOSH TO: [INT. (REAL WORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY – DAY] (With a gasp, Phoebe and Piper wake up. Piper sits up and looks for Paige.) PHOEBE: We're back. PIPER: Yeah, but where's Paige? PHOEBE: You don't think Billie -- PIPER: No, she didn't do this to hurt us, but she did it for some reason. (They both stand up.) PHOEBE: So is she off the hook? (They both head for the stairs.) PIPER: Hardly but that's tomorrow's problem. Now, we've gotta find Paige. (Camera pans around the room where Billie and Christy step out.) CHRISTY: Well? BILLIE: (still conflicted) It's not wrong to want what they want. CHRISTY: It is when they've got the kind of powers they do. When they use those powers to get what they want, at the expense of all else? (then) Somebody's gotta stop them, Billie, before its too late. BILLIE: I know. CUT TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD – DARKLIGHTER'S LAIR – NIGHT] (Paige is dying, her breathing shallow, eyes listless and hollow. Her body jerks upward as Salek pulls out the second arrow.) SALEK: No need to waste good arrows. (Salek checks Paige's pulse.) SALEK: (then to Paige, actually impressed) You're a strong one, aren't you? But it'll be over soon. (Behind him, Piper and Phoebe magically appear in a swirl of orb lights. Salek stands, turns and realizes who they are.) SALEK: (gloats) You're too late. (Piper gestures and Salek explodes.) (Phoebe steps forward to check on Paige.) PHOEBE: Oh my god, Paige! Paige! (turns to Piper) Hang in there, what do we do? PIPER: We need a whitelighter. (We hear orbing sounds. Piper looks up and sees Mikelle's d*ad body nearby. Orb lights swirl around.) (Phoebe stands up.) (Mikelle appears.) MIKELLE: Maybe that's why I'm here. (Mikelle's hands start to glow gold. She looks at her hands, then kneels down next to Paige. She puts her glowing hands over Paige's wound and heals her.) (Paige gasps.) (Mikelle gets up. Paige looks at Mikelle.) PAIGE: Mikelle. MIKELLE: Paige. You were right. I was meant for something special, and I think I just did it. (She hears the Elder's call. Mikelle gasps and looks up. She orbs out.) (Camera holds on Piper and Phoebe, then Paige.) CUT TO: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY LIGHTS (STOCK) – NIGHT] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – NIGHT] [INT. MANOR – LIVING ROOM – NIGHT] (By the crackling fireplace, Paige sips out of a cup. Phoebe and Piper join her.) PHOEBE: Hey, how're you doing? You okay? PAIGE: Yeah, I guess I'm okay. Considering -- PIPER: Considering what? PAIGE: Considering I was supposed to save my charge, and instead she ended up saving me. Maybe Billie's right. Maybe we are selfish. PHOEBE: No. Wanting our life doesn't make us selfish. It's makes us normal. PAIGE: Yeah, well, we're not normal. We're the Charmed Ones. PIPER: Nobody said we had to be that for the rest of our lives. It's not written in stone. PHOEBE: Yeah, if wanting children and ... Enlightenment and Leo back makes us selfish then, I'm guilty. PIPER: I'd say we've done enough. And that doesn't make us evil. PAIGE: Well I think it does, from Billie and Christy's warped point of view. So what are we gonna do? (Piper and Phoebe look at each other.) PHOEBE: We're gonna stop them ... before they stop us. FADE TO BLACK. ========================== THE END ========================== TITLE/OPENING CREDITS ========================== CHARMED 8X19: THE JUNG AND THE RESTLESS ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON WB: 04/30/2006 TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as Piper KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy Jenkins SARA DOWNING as Mikelle PETER WINGFIELD ELIZABETH DENNEHY as Sandra (Elder) and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop (Cupid) Editor: DON KELLY Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: JONATHAN WEST, ASC Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE Written by: CAMERON LITVACK Directed by: DEREK JOHANSEN ========================== END CREDITS ========================== Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: MATTHEW SCALLON as Sid ADAIR TISHLER as Little Girl LIV HUTCHINGS as Little Journalist DARION BASCO as Dominique Co Starring: GORDON WELLS as Elderly Man KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JASON SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 CARLO CASTRONOVO as Clubgoer Music By: JAY GRUSKA Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: JON PARE First Assistant Director: VINCENT GONZALES Second Assistant Director: BERYL COHEN Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: KRIS KROSSKOVE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BRYAN MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: EUGENE WOOD Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: JOSH SCHNEIDER / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:06/25/2006	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x19 - The Jung and the Restless"}	foreverdreaming
FADE IN: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] NARRATOR: Previously on Charmed ... [Scene from 8X12: Payback's a Witch] [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY -- DAY] (Piper is putting the potato chips back into the glass bowl.) PIPER: Wyatt, you know better than that. (Wyatt closes his eyes and the glass bowl orbs onto his head like a hat. He smiles at her.) (Piper gasps.) PIPER: No, sweetie. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT -- DAY] (Phoebe and Coop sit and talk.) PHOEBE: Who are you? COOP: Well, I'm Cupid. (Phoebe looks away.) You can call me Coop. CUT TO: [Scene from 8X19: The Jung and The Restless] [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – DAY] (Coop talks with Phoebe.) COOP: I know what you're looking for in a man, believe me. I am an expert in you. CUT TO: [INT. (DREAMWORLD) MANOR – CONSERVATORY – NIGHT] PHOEBE: I was dreaming about ... (stammers) -- Me and Coop. PIPER: Hang on a second. So you're having sex dreams while I'm sitting here racked with guilt? TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X17: Generation Hex] [INT. HOTEL ROOM -- NIGHT] (The door opens. Christy enters first.) CHRISTY: Mom? Dad. (Billie pushes past Christy and sees Helen and Carl on the floor, dad.) CHRISTY: (v.o.) Billie, it's not your fault. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X18: The Torn Identity] [INT. DORM ROOM – DAY] (Billie and Christy talk.) BILLIE: Yeah, but if I wouldn't have left them, maybe they would still be here. CHRISTY: Or if Piper hadn't called you away. CUT TO: [Scenes from 8X19: The Jung and The Restless] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY] BILLIE: You talk about them like they're evil or something. CHRISTY: Billie, it's not about good or evil. It's about power. And absolute power corrupts absolutely. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Phoebe and Billie talk.) PHOEBE: Look, Billie, we're not the bad guys here. CUT TO: BILLIE: You'll have to be stopped. PIPER: All right then. (Piper throws the vial.) PHOEBE: No, Piper! (Christy explodes the vial mid-air. The force of the explsin sends Phoebe and Piper back against the wall.) CHRISTY: (to Billie) Do you need any more proof? [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL – DAY] (Piper and Phoebe argue.) PIPER: Oh, stop. It was one lousy potion. I just meant to scare them. I wasn't gonna take them out with that. PHOEBE: Why don't you say what you really mean? kll them. FADE OUT END OF PREVIOUSLY ON FADE IN: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige cautiously walk through the empty hallway.) PAIGE: I can't believe I got up early on my husband's day off for this. PHOEBE: Stop complaining. We're getting close. PIPER: Close to what? Getting klled? PHOEBE: We scry-ed for evil and it was here. PIPER: Yeah, because their names are Christy and Billie. (Phoebe stops, turns and looks at her sisters.) PHOEBE: I'm telling you, it can't be them. PAIGE: Why not? They're supposed to be the ultimate power. PHOEBE: Yeah, but I still think they're being manipulated by something. PIPER: Or maybe you're just avoiding the inevitable. PHOEBE: Piper, I told you. If we need to take down Billie and Christy, I'm there. Seriously. But ... I still think there's something else behind them. (She turns and looks at a closed door.) PHOEBE: And ... whatever it is, it's behind that door. (Phoebe, Piper and Paige walk up to the closed door.) PHOEBE: What have we got to lose, right? PIPER: Ah, you know. Just our lives. Look, we're not even ready to deal with Billie and Christy, let alone what may or may not be behind door number 3. PHOEBE: Well, the sooner we find out, the better. (Phoebe opens the door.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (The door opens. Inside, the room is completely black. In the center of the room is a lit platform.) PAIGE: All right. Now that we've ascertained it's a creepy, empty room, I think we can go. (They enter the room.) PHOEBE: Just because we don't see anything doesn't mean it's not there. This place is giving me really creepy vibes. PIPER: Mm-hmm. Me, too. I'm with Paige. Let's go. PHOEBE: This room's not even supposed to be here, right? PAIGE: Well, whether it is or it's not ... let's go! PHOEBE: There's gotta be something in here. (Piper and Paige grab Phoebe's arms and lead her out of the room.) PIPER: Okay. That's enough. Let's go. PAIGE: Okay. (The door closes behind them.) (Camera lingers on the white platform. We hear voices whispering, but see no one.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The sisters are out in the hallway. Creo and several demons shimmer into the hallway.) CREO: You're not supposed to be here. PIPER: Actually, I think you got that backwards. (Creo powers up a fireball and holds it in his hand. Piper starts to gesture.) CHRISTY: (o.s.) Wait! (From behind the demons, Christy walks to the front.) CHRISTY: (to Creo) Stop. I mean it. (Creo powers down the fireball.) PHOEBE: So, what? Are these hall monitors working for you now? PAIGE: Does Billie know about this? (Christy steps forward.) CHRISTY: Billie's not your concern anymore. And neither is this place. So just go, now. PAIGE: Sorry. That's a no-can-do. CHRISTY: What are you gonna do, Paige? Are you gonna vanquish me? Oh, wait. I'm human. And that's mrder. That's illegal, isn't it? PIPER: That is, unless it's self-defense. CHRISTY: I guess we'll just have to see how this plays out then, won't we? (Phoebe sighs.) PHOEBE: Let's get outta here. PAIGE: We'll be seeing you again. (Paige orbs them out leaving Christy with the demons.) CHRISTY: You're not supposed to be here. CREO: Yes. But I ... was told they were here. I thought -- CHRISTY: (interrupts) I promised my sister they wouldn't be hurt. Not until we're ready. (Creo nods.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO SCENES (STOCK) – DAY] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] PAIGE: (v.o.) Just out of curiosity ... [INT. MANOR – KITCHEN – DAY] (Paige and Piper are talking in the kitchen. Paige is having a a bite to eat while Piper pours herself a cup of coffee.) PAIGE: ... was it easier dealing with all of this stuff when Leo was mortal, or when Leo was magical? PIPER: It was easier when he was still around. PAIGE: Well, obviously. I just mean, you know, being pulled away by demons all the time. PIPER: Oh, I don't know. It was kind of a toss-up. When he was magical, he understood more but when he was human, he was in more danger. So I was more worried. PAIGE: So what I'm hearing you say is that it pretty much sucks either way. PIPER: Yes, basically. PAIGE: Huh. Fantastic. PIPER: But you just got married, you know. Give it some time. You'll get used to it. PAIGE: But, see, that's the thing. I don't want to get used to it. I want to be able to go away with my husband, go out, do things, without always being called back on some emergency. PIPER: Hmm. Yes. Well, good luck with that. PHOEBE: (o.s.) Piper? Paige? Come here! PAIGE: (groans) Now what'd she find? PIPER: Probably another reason to avoid Coop. (Paige and Piper head out to the dining room.) [INT. MANOR – DINING ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Phoebe is sitting at the dining room table.) PHOEBE: I think I ID'd the new power. PIPER: Yeah? Are you sure you're just not trying to keep busy to avoid -- (Paige and Piper sit down.) PHOEBE: Piper, I told you. If worse comes to worse, I will totally -- PIPER: (interrupts) I'm not talking about Billie and Christy. I'm talking about Coop. PAIGE: What about Coop? PIPER: Yeah, what about Coop? PHOEBE: I love Coop. Okay? I'm in love with Coop. I love him, and I just can't help it. But this has nothing to do with that. PIPER: Hey, it's completely understandable. You're miserable that he can't love you back. He's not allowed to, and so you'd like to take your frustrations out on some demons. PHOEBE: Can we please just focus here? We are running out of time, and we have no idea what we're up against. Since we can't go back to magic school because it's not safe for us, I compiled a little list here of all the good magical creatures that have helped us in the past. (Phoebe hands the list to Paige.) PAIGE: Why are leprechauns at the top of the list? PHOEBE: Well, because they have luck. And we need luck. PIPER: Yeah, but isn't that like throwing them into the lion's den? PHOEBE: No. I mean, it has to do with them, too. It's good versus evil, you know. It affects all of us. PAIGE: What happened, in my life, that I wound up having to talk to leprechauns so much? PHOEBE: I'm sorry, honey. But you know them best. (to Piper) Okay. You and I are gonna go upstairs and see if we can ID Christy's new hall monitor friend. (Phoebe picks up the Book of Shadows from under her papers. Piper gets up and follows her.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY – DAY] (Billie sits at the desk writing in a notebook. The door opens and Christy walks in.) CHRISTY: Hey, there you are. Kind of been looking all over for you. BILLIE: Well, I've just been here. CHRISTY: Doing what? BILLIE: Just writing stuff down. About the sisters. CHRISTY: That's good. That's ... that's really good, Billie. We can figure out what their weaknesses are. BILLIE: Yeah, well, I'm hoping we can disempower them so we don't have to hurt them. CHRISTY: Who are you kidding, Billie? It's gonna take a hell of a lot more than that to stop them, and you know it. BILLIE: No, I don't know it. I mean, besides, Piper has kids! She has a baby, for god's sakes! How can you even think about wanting to hurt a mom? CHRISTY: What about our mom? She didn't have any concern about her. Look, I didn't seek with out, Billie. This was given to me. It was given to us. BILLIE: Yeah. We're supposed to take down the most powerful witches of all time. That's what this nightmare's all about. CHRISTY: So now I'm a nightmare. BILLIE: No. Going against good people is. CHRISTY: They're not good people, Billie. If they were, we wouldn't be in this position. They've lost their way. And the longer it takes for you to figure that out, the more time they have to attck us. Like they tried to do today. BILLIE: What are you talking about? CHRISTY: They were here. I saw them. BILLIE: Are you sure they were looking for us? CHRISTY: Billie. BILLIE: Okay, look. If they come after us, fine. I was wrong. We don't have a choice. But until they do – CHRISTY: If we give them enough time to attck us, we'll die. You know what, Billie? (She sighs.) I'm tired of trying to convince you of this. If you don't want to believe me, then fine. But I'm gonna introduce you to someone that you'll have to believe. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. TREE GROTTO – DAY] (Out of a large, hollowed-out trunk, in a green, grassy area, three leprechauns play cards, including O'Brien and Liam, a younger and a smidge less tnk. Paige orbs in. O'Brien looks at her and rolls his eyes. She waves weakly to him.) O'BRIEN: Now, what, for God's sake, could you possibly be wanting now? PAIGE: (shrugs) Look, I know you just did me a favor, okay? Which I-I so appreciate. But I just need this one thing. The balance of good and evil depends on it. O'BRIEN: Well, it's always something with you people. PAIGE: (assures them) It shouldn't take long. It's super easy. All I need you to do is sneak into magic school and just identify a certain evil, that's all. (Liam sighs and puts his cards down on the tree trunk.) LIAM: A demon, no doubt. (O'Brien nods.) LIAM: Place is swarming with 'em. Probably part of the brewing storm we been hearing about. PAIGE: Exactly. That's it. That's all you have to do. O'BRIEN: We're leprechauns. We toss a bit o' luck around, here and there. These big battles? They're really more up your alley. PAIGE: This fight affects us all. LIAM: Ah, still ... like he said, we're not much for the fighting. Might be better if we sit this one out. PAIGE: Well, if the balance of power shifts, you're gonna be doing an awful lot of sitting around here 'cause there's gonna be nobody to protect you from all that evil. (O'Brien scoffs.) PAIGE: Look, I came to you guys first because you're smart, you're cunning, you're brave ... O'BRIEN: Good-looking ... PAIGE: You're ... damn good-looking. I mean, that's for sure. (Liam gives O'Brien a thumb's up approval.) PAIGE: But, hey! If you don't wanna help me stop the ultimate power, that's okay! I'll just, uh ... I'll just go ask the gnomes. (Paige nods and starts to turn away.) O'BRIEN: (incredulous) What? The gnomes are idiots! (laughs) Y-you can't trust 'em any farther than you can throw 'em! PAIGE: Hmm. O'BRIEN: All right, we'll do it. But we don't like it. (Paige nods.) (O'Brien puts his cards down on the tree trunk.) CUT TO: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] BAM! (The chair in the attic is smoking. She signs and turns away.) (Coop flashes in to the attic.) COOP: All right, Phoebe, I -- (Coop flashes out just as Phoebe whirls around and throws another vial, hitting the attic chair again. She grimaces.) (Coop flashes in again, batting the smoke away with his hand.) COOP: Jeez. What, are you mad at me or something? PHOEBE: (chuckles) No, of course not. Why would I be mad at you? (Phoebe turns and goes back to the potions table.) COOP: All right, good. So I think I found you the man of your dreams. PHOEBE: (sighs) Oh, really. Do you? (Phoebe plops some ingredients into the pot.) COOP: Yes. Yes, I do. And I think he's perfect for you. He's an aid worker in Bangladesh. PHOEBE: Hmm! COOP: He's a rugged, handsome ...you know ... a real do-gooder type. Of course, there's the long-distance thing, and you're gonna need to get shts. PHOEBE: Okay, yeah. I'm not gonna get vaccinations to go meet a guy. And what's the matter? You couldn't find anyone in the area? COOP: Well, yeah. Yeah. Sure I can. You know, I don't think you understand how difficult it is. It's not my fault that you reject every guy that I bring. PHOEBE: Wait. Every guy? Coop, there's been one guy. One. COOP: Yeah, but he was a really good guy. PHOEBE: Okay. You know what I think? I think that you ... just have no idea what I want. COOP: (snickers) No, I know exactly what it is that you're looking for. PHOEBE: Oh. No. Trust me. You have no idea. COOP: Ah. Then why don't you enlighten me? (Phoebe stops, turns and looks at Coop.) PHOEBE: You. (Coop looks at her and sighs.) PHOEBE: And I know it's impossible. Because of ...the rules, and everything. But ... (She sighs sadly.) COOP: Shhh. (Coop reaches for her and they kiss.) (Piper walks down the hallway to the attic.) PIPER: (absently) Okay, so, dad is taking the boys to the zoo-oo- (She sees Phoebe and Coop kissing.) PIPER: Wow! (Phoebe and Coop stop kissing.) PIPER: (head turned away) Excuse me. Hello. Hi. Sorry to interrupt. But you know—ultimate power. Mysterious things. Gotta go. Tick-tock. (Piper stops at the potions table.) PHOEBE: Right. Right. Exactly. Uh-huh. Uh ... You should probably go, I'm thinking. You know? COOP: Yeah. Uh ... we'll, uh ... (clears throat) Talk to you later. PHOEBE: Okay. Yeah. (Coop flashes out.) PHOEBE: Oh, God. I know. I know. It's forbidden love. And I'm doomed. And – and -- and we're ... doomed, and everything is doomed! (Phoebe picks up an ingredient and tosses it into the pot. POOF!) PIPER: That about sums it up. (Phoebe sighs.) PIPER: Well, at least you're not avoiding anything anymore. (Phoebe throws something else into the pot. POOF!) PIPER: Did you happen to ID Christy's hall monitor? PHOEBE: Ah, yeah. But uh, he's gotta get away from magic school before we can do anything. (Phoebe throws another something into the pot. POOF!) (Piper goes to the Book of Shadows and flips through it to a particular page.) PIPER: Okay. That's all right, 'cause when we do, he'll talk. I guarantee it. (She finds: THE TRUTH SPELL.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Christy shows Billie into the Black Room. In the center of the room is a white lit platform.) BILLIE: What is this? CHRISTY: You'll see. (Christy closes the door.) BILLIE: No, this is creepy. I'm gettin' outta here. DUMAIN: (o.s.) Don't be afraid, Billie. It's me. (Dumain steps out from the shadows. He gets closer and she recognizes him.) ) BILLIE: Oh, my God. DUMAIN: You're all grown up now, aren't you? BILLIE: How is this possible? CHRISTY: Anything's possible here, Billie. That's why I come here. For guidance. For him. BILLIE: But ... he's not real ... is he? DUMAIN: I've always been real, Billie. Just like I've always been there for you both. I wasn't just an imaginary friend. CHRISTY: Who do you think wrote in my diary and told you how to find me? He prepared us for everything. DUMAIN: I was sent by the greater powers to show you your destiny ... to help you understand that your powers were given to you for a reason -- to do good ... and to keep what's bad in check. BILLIE: Hmm. So this is where you get that from? DUMAIN: Yes. It is. Much is at stake, Billie, and only you and your sister can stop it. This is the reason. This is the moment why you were gifted with these powers -- to save the future from this. (He motions to the white lit platform. In the center, a hologram image appears.) INSERT: HOLOGRAM CLIP [Scene from 6X10: Chris-Crossed] [INT. MANOR – HALLIWELL MUSEUM – ATTIC – NIGHT (FUTURE)] (Wyatt confronts Chris.) FUTURE WYATT: (from hologram) Of all the people to betray me ... CHRIS PERRY: (from hologram) I didn't go back to betray you, Wyatt. I went back to save you. (Billie watches and can't believe what she's seeing.) BILLIE: Wyatt? FUTURE WYATT: (from hologram) Save me? Ha. From what? It's all about power. It's as simple as that. That's why I keep this ... museum intact -- to remind everyone the power from which I was born and that which I possess. (With a slice of his hand, WYATT tosses CHRIS aside and into the wall. CHRIS hits the cabinet hard, breaking it. He groans in pain.) (The hologram vanishes.) DUMAIN: Wyatt. Piper's progeny. That same sweet little boy you once babysat? That is what unchecked power will become in the future. A future that only you and your sister can save. It is your Destiny. (Billie looks at Christy.) BILLIE: (shakes her head) I can't. (Billie runs out of the room.) CHRISTY: Billie, wait! (Christy stops and looks at Dumain. He motions her to follow. Christy leaves the room and closes the door behind her.) (Left alone, Dumain turns and looks at the white platform. The image of a single spirit appears.) (Dumain puts a hand over his hears and nods his head in respect. The Triad Spirit image changes constantly between Asmodeus, Baliel and Candor. Their voice is one.) TRIAD SPIRIT: We are not pleased, Dumain. (Dumain raises his head. The Triad Spirit splits into three images.) ASMODEUS SPIRIT: And we are running out of time. (Camera holds on Dumain.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (The Triad talks with Dumain.) ASMODEUS SPIRIT: This was your plan, Dumain. You came to us. CANDOR SPIRIT: We didn't sacrifice ourselves, our lives, only to fail now. DUMAIN: We haven't failed. We just underestimated Billie's connection to the witches. It's a lot stronger than we anticipated. BALIEL SPIRIT: You mean stronger than you anticipated. DUMAIN: For fifteen years, I've worked tirelessly to bring this plan to fruition. We will succeed. ASMODEUS SPIRIT: Not unless we can kll the charmed ones, we won't. And Billie remains reticent. DUMAIN: As do the Charmed Ones. They, too, hesitate to attck fellow humans, as I knew they would. BALIEL SPIRIT: But they won't hesitate for long. DUMAIN: Don't ignore the great progress we've made. We've successfully inverted morality. We've convinced both Christy and Billie that the Charmed Ones are the evil ones. CANDOR SPIRIT: Which does us no good unless Billie is able to kll them. ASMODEUS SPIRIT: And if she can't, the balance of power won't shift ... and we won't have the power to return. BALIEL SPIRIT: Which means ... you won't become one of us. DUMAIN: Have faith, my Lords. Once Billie is fully turned and believe me, she's close -- ASMODEUS SPIRIT: (interrupts) Wait. Someone is coming. (The Triad retracts back into a single spirit. Then they vanish. Dumain quickly vanishes again in the shadows.) (A bat later, the door opens and the two leprechauns, Liam and O'Brien peer into the room.) (Seeing the room is empty, they push the door open and haul a heavy pot of gold inside.) O'BRIEN: (on a tear, grumbles) Oh, me aching back. Ha! Serves me right, though ... lettin' them witches strong-arm me to being their lackey again. (They put the pot of gold down on the floor near the white platform.) LIAM: (fed up) Aiee, for the love of St. Andrew, stop your griping, will ya? (Liam and O'Brien glare at each other. O'Brien turns and gets a good look at the room.) O'BRIEN: Somethin's not right here. LIAM: Oh! Let's just get this over with, shall we? (Liam takes out a camera.) O'BRIEN: Well, what are you gonna do? Take a photo? LIAM: No. I'm identifying the thrat, like she asked us to. Do you have a better idea? O'BRIEN: (snorts) And you call yourself a leprechaun. (O'Brien waves his shillelagh.) O'BRIEN: Go n-eiri an bothar leat. Let luck reveal what can't be seen. (Suddenly, the pot of gold glows. Liam raises his camera ready to sht a picture of the evil when — BOOM!. Bright rays sht upward from the pot of gold along with a swirl of black smoke twisting in a powerful gale.) (The two leprechauns back away toward the door. The wind blows stronger and stronger.) (As they back up toward the door, the winds whip the shillelagh from O'Brien's hand. Liam reaches for it, but O'Brien stops him.) O'BRIEN: Leave it! We'll find another way back! (fights the wind) Curse those Charmed Ones! LIAM: (grumbles) Like lambs to slaughter, we are. (And they back up out of the room. The door slams shut. The wind abruptly quiets. The black smoke and winds stop.) (Dumain steps out of the shadows.) DUMAIN: We may have just found a way to help Billie cross the final threshold. She may not believe the Charmed Ones are evil from us, but she'll believe it from them. TRIAD SPIRIT: (voice only) Agreed. Summon Creo. DUMAIN: Creo. (Creo shimmers into the room.) CREO: At your service, my lord. CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Billie and Christy argue.) BILLIE: Look. Maybe because you've never had friends. You don't know what it's like for me. CHRISTY: I have Dumain, and I trust him. Can you honestly say that about the sisters? After they've put their needs above yours every single chance they've got? BILLIE: Look. I admit they've become a little selfish, but they haven't done anything bad enough to deserve to die for it. CHRISTY: But, Billie, they will. And then it'll be too late. BILLIE: You don't know that. CHRISTY: You saw their inner truths -- how they're being corrupted by power. It's our destiny -- BILLIE: (scoffs) Oh, I'm so sick of this destiny crap. (Dumain opens the door.) DUMAIN: Demons. (Billie and Christy turn to look at him.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Fireballs fly across the room. O'Brien and Liam duck for cover under a table. Billie and Christy run into the room.) (A fireball hits the wall above Liam's head.) (A demon gets ready to throw a fireball at O'Brien. Billie stops him.) BILLIE: No! (Billie turns around and sees a Knfe on one of the shelves. She telekinetically throws it at the demon holding the fireball. He explodes.) DEMON: Uhh! (Christy steps forward toward Creo.) CHRISTY: What are you doing here? (She puts a hand on her temple, but Dumain stops her.) DUMAIN: Wait. Perhaps you should use him to send a message to the other demons. BILLIE: Good idea. (Billie steps forward.) BILLIE: (to Creo) Any more of your demons come here and attck our friends, they're dad. Do you understand? (Creo looks over at Dumain. Then, he quietly shimmers out. Billie looks over at Liam and O'Brien.) BILLIE: Are you okay? (O'Brien looks at the cut on his arm.) O'BRIEN: Yeah, sure. Thanks to you. BILLIE: Well, you guys can come out now. It's safe. (O'Brien and Liam look hesitantly at each other.) CHRISTY: Don't worry. We're your friends. (O'Brien and Liam crawl out from under the table.) O'BRIEN: Well, you never really know for sure, these days. DUMAIN: What were you doing here, anyway? Why did you risk coming here? LIAM: We were ... sent. DUMAIN: Really. By whom? LIAM: The Charmed Ones. (Billie and Dumain look at Christy.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Piper hangs up. Phoebe is scrying. Piper walks over to the Book of Shadows.) PIPER: Paige hasn't heard from the leprechauns. Which is not a good sign. PHOEBE: I just hope we didn't confirm the mystery power's existence at their expense. PIPER: Yeah, that would be a bad thing, which also means that we're running out of time, looking for it. PHOEBE: Tell me about it. I'm beginning to think that the ultimate power's power is to drive us crazy. PIPER: I think you're gonna have to face some harsh realities soon, Phoebe. We may just have to -- PHOEBE: Uh! Don't say the k-word. Do not say the k-word, in regards to Billie and Christy, please. PIPER: Okay. Well, just because you don't wanna say it doesn't mean we won't have to do it. PHOEBE: O-okay. And push comes to shove, you're gonna be able to do it? You're actually gonna be able to kll them? PIPER: Uh, if it's us or them? Absolutely. Look, we're not talking about innocence here, Phoebe. And whether or not there's a force behind them, the Triad hand-picked them to kll us. I mean, it's time to get real. PHOEBE: That's even more reason to avoid confrontation and figure out who's behind them. (The crystal lands on the map with a THUNK.) PHOEBE: Oh. Which I think I may have just done. PIPER: You found the demon? PHOEBE: I think so. Okay. I'll get Paige. We'll use your truth potion to pry a name out of them, and you stay here to figure out if the leprechauns are comin' back. (Phoebe picks up the vial and leaves the attic.) PIPER: But what if they don't? What if something ... (Phoebe disappears around the hallway corner.) PIPER: ... happened to them? CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY] (Liam and O'Brien sit on the couch as Billie tends to O'Brien's wound.) LIAM: I was sure I was a gonner. (He sighs.) Guess that's why I'm a little shaken up. (Christy hands Liam a glass of water.) CHRISTY: Don't worry. You're safe now. I promise. (Liam nods.) BILLIE: I just don't understand why the demons keep coming back. I thought we'd klled all of them. (to O'Brien) There. Good as new. O'BRIEN: I thank you for that. And for saving us. Just one thing I can't figure. You folks are good. So why did the Charmed Ones send us here? CHRISTY: That's what we're trying to figure out. DUMAIN: What did they say they wanted you to do? O'BRIEN: It was to find a great evil. They called it "the ultimate power." DUMAIN: Huh. And they said it was evil? What else did they tell you? O'BRIEN: That the power was huge ... and that they were bent on stopping it. DUMAIN: Really. And how did they plan on doing that? O'BRIEN: Same as they deal with all evil, I suppose -- vanquish it. CHRISTY: Is that what they said? That they were gonna vanquish the ultimate power? Are you sure? LIAM: Well, they didn't actually say that. But that's what they do. Isn't it? BILLIE: I just don't know why they would send you guys here to do their dirty work. (O'Brien scoffs.) DUMAIN: Have they done this before? O'BRIEN: All the time. It's not just us. They use the whole magical community. DUMAIN: Yet ... they never took the time to save magic school from demons? LIAM: Couldn't break a nail, I guess. O'BRIEN: Cannon fodder -- that's what we've become to 'em. CHRISTY: (to Billie) Now do you believe everything I've been telling you? (Sadly, Billie's starting to.) WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. ALLEY – DAY] (Creo and a demon are warming themselves by a barrel fre. The demon puts pieces of wood in the fre.) GOON: We give up everything for them ... and this is the thanks we get? What does Dumain think we are -- lackeys? CREO: (calmly assures) We've had this conversation. It's all part of the Triad's plan. We'll get what we deserve soon enough. GOON: Yeah, that's what you keep saying. But I'm still sleeping behind a dumpster. CREO: (had enough, thrat) We do as we're told ... even if we have to make the ultimate sacrifice. It's all part of the greater victory. GOON: Yeah. But if we're not a part of it ... I'm not sacrificing anything. CREO: You signed an oath ... in blood. We both did. And if you don't protect them, you'll face a fate much worth than death. CUE SOUND: (o.s.) ORBING PAIGE: (o.s.) Funny you should say that. (Creo and the Good look up to see that Phoebe and Paige have orbed in. Paige waves her hands.) PAIGE: Demons. (The two demons orb out and slam into the top of the dumpster behind them. They fall to the ground and quickly get to their feet.) PHOEBE: We have a few questions for you. (Phoebe throws the vial and it smashes on the floor at their feet. A white smoke rises and they inhale it.) PAIGE: Gentlemen, who is the wizard behind the curtain? So to speak. CREO: The what? PHOEBE: The demon. Who are you working for? GOOD: The demon ... is -- (Creo takes a breath and fights the potion, stopping the Goon.) CREO: No. We can't. PHOEBE: Too bad you don't have a choice. (Creo and the Goon look at each other as if coming to an agreement. They both power up a fireball and hurl it at the other at the same time. The demons EXLODE in a mutual VANQUISH, their scream echoing in the air.) DEMONS: Aahh! (Camera holds on Phoebe and Paige, both stunned by what they've just seen.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] PIPER: (v.o.) Two and a half corn dogs? [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Piper is on the phone.) PIPER: (to phone) What, are you crazy, dad? He's three. I don't care if he begged. (Paige and Phoebe orb in.) PIPER: (to phone) Look, I gotta go. But seriously, no more junk food, or he will vomit on you. (Piper hangs up and puts the phone down.) PIPER: Where's the demon? PHOEBE: In the wasteland probably. Him and his pal vanquished each other so they didn't have to talk. PIPER: They sacrificed themselves? PHOEBE: Yep. Scary, huh? PAIGE: Any word from our little green friends? PIPER: No. Nothing. PAIGE: I hope they're okay. (Paige turns and opens the trunk.) PIPER: What are you doing? (She takes out the shillelagh.) PAIGE: I ... am going to call them. (She holds the shillelagh out.) PAIGE: Go n-eiri an bothar leat. (A rainbow appears. Liam and O'Brien land on the floor with a THUNK.) LIAM: Uhh! O'BRIEN: Ohh! Ohh ... (They get to their feet.) O'BRIEN: Well! I might've known it was you, dropping us on our behinds! You've no right to call us back like that. PAIGE: Well, I'm sorry. I was worried. Are you okay? O'BRIEN: Ah. Uhh. Now you're worried. After sending us into harm's way. PHOEBE: Look, we wouldn't have done it if it wasn't important. PIPER: Yeah. Come on, guys, we're trying to save the future here. LIAM: So you say. I'll be taking that back now, thank you. (Liam grabs the shillelagh out from Paige's hand.) PAIGE: Hey, what are you doing? O'BRIEN: We're no longer at your beck and call. PIPER: Hmmh. O'RBIEN: Go n-eiri and bother leat! (A rainbow appears.) PAIGE: That was a gift. LIAM: And don't bother calling. (They saunter into the rainbow. The rainbow vanishes with them.) PHOEBE: Ooh. Wow. What's wrong with them? PAIGE: I don't know, but it's not good. (Phoebe sighs.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – STAIRS/MAIN HALL – DAY] (Phoebe, Piper and Paige walk down the stairs.) PAIGE: Okay, I know leprechauns are crabby, but this is different. PIPER: What do you mean? You think Billie and Christy got to them somehow? PHOEBE: Or maybe somebody else did. PAIGE: I just can't believe they turned on us like that. I mean, what did we do? PIPER: Maybe it's not anything we did. Maybe it's something Billie and Christy did. Or whoever's behind it. PAIGE: What are you saying? PIPER: I'm saying I think they did to the leprechauns what the Triad did to them. PHOEBE: Turned them against us? PIPER: (shrugs) Twist everything around and make us look like the bad guys. PAIGE: That's crazy. They would never believe that. PIPER: Sure, they would. Think about our track record with them lately. PHOEBE: But what purpose would that serve? I mean, why even bother? PIPER: I don't know. To isolate us, make sure we have a little less backup in our time of need. PHOEBE: You mean when they attck. PIPER: Maybe that's what they've been waiting for. PHOEBE: Well, we have to warn the magical community and tell 'em not to fall for it. PIPER: Where's that list? PHOEBE: Upstairs. I'll get it. PIPER: No, I'll get it. You go talk to Coop and make sure they don't try to turn anybody else against us. (Phoebe turns and heads for the front door.) PAIGE: And I'm going to talk to our little friends again. PIPER: Well, I think that's kind of a waste of time. (Piper heads upstairs.) PAIGE: I don't think so. I'm not letting 'em off the hook that easily. (Paige turns and follows her up.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Dumain reports to the Triad.) DUMAIN: We're almost there, my lords. (The triad spirit rises up from the white platform.) TRIAD SPIRIT: Almost? (The spirit splits into three. Dumain bows his head to them.) ASMODEUS: The longer it takes, the greater the chance you'll regain sympathy for the Charmed Ones ... which we already know Billie is prone to do. DUMAIN: I don't think that's going to happen, especially now that she believes the leprechauns were set up by the Charmed Ones. CANDOR: Then what's the delay? Either she's ready to kll them, or she's not. DUMAIN: She's close. She just needs ... a little more convincing. Once she thinks the Charmed Ones have turned their backs on the entire magical community ... CANDOR: Well, that's impossible. The community's too vast ... and too loyal to the sisters for all their years of protecting them. DUMAIN: Which is why we need to create a situation where they won't be there to protect them. BALIEL: How? DUMAIN: Simple. We distract the Charmed Ones when the magical beings need them most ... using the same distractions that have worked on them in the past. (Dumain holds out his hand and Billie's notebook on the Charmed Ones appears.) DUMAIN: Billie herself has provided us with all we need to know. (He flips through the pages. He stops on the page on the WITECH DOCTOR.) DUMAIN: Ah. The witch doctor who turned inner truth into obsession. That should work quite nicely on Paige. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. TREE GROTTO – DAY] (The pots of gold are lined up in a row behind a tree trunk. Liam and another leprechaun appear carrying another pot of gold. They add it to the row.) LIAM: Should be enough for the lot of us to tough it out. O'BRIEN: Aye. If things get as bad as I think they're going to, no amount of luck'll be too much. Battening down the hatches, we are. (Paige orbs in.) O'BRIEN: Now, what do ya think you're doing here? LIAM: You're no longer welcome here. PAIGE: That is exactly the kind of attitude that I am here to talk to you about. O'BRIEN: Our attitude. Well, it's your attitude that's in question here. (Liam nods in agreement.) PAIGE: Look, I don't know who has gotten to you, but contrary to popular belief, we are still the good guys. Okay? And the fact that you guys have gone demon-free for all these years pretty much proves that point. LIAM: Still ... things change. People change, especially human people. O'BRIEN: Same difference. LIAM: You know what I mean. PAIGE: What I know is that this is not the time to bail on us just because we've had our differences or because someone has been whispering in your ear. We are going into a very big battle, which you obviously know about because somebody has been stockpiling luck. (She looks at the pots of gold lined up. The leprechauns turn and looks at the gold. They nod.) (Suddenly, Paige's eyes glow as she's ht by Dumain's witch doctor whammy. She turns and looks at them. The leprechauns look at Paige expecting her to continue.) O'BRIEN: You were saying? (She looks around the grotto, confused.) PAIGE: What am I doing here? (then, realizes, urgent) I need to find enlightenment. (The leprechauns haven's seen the spell and are just as confused by Paige's change in attitude.) LIAM: But ...you were telling us ... about the battle. PAIGE: Oh. The battle. (shrugs) Well, good luck with that. (Paige smiles, nods, and orbs out.) (The leprechauns are confused.) CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Dumain flips page over and reads about the DEADLY SINS.) DUMAIN: I've always found lust ... to be the greatest of the seven deadly sins. And apparently, so has Phoebe. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – LIVING ROOM – DAY] (The door opens and Phoebe returns.) PHOEBE: Coop? Coop? (Coop peers out from the balcony.) COOP: Oh. It's about time. I was wondering when you were gonna get here. PHOEBE: Uh, listen. I, uh – (Coop rushes to her and pulls her into his arms. He starts kissing her neck.) PHOEBE: Oh, no. Not -- not that. Not -- not now. COOP: Not what? PHOEBE: You know, whatever's in your mind right now. Uh ... we've got a big problem. COOP: Yeah. I know. I know. If there's one thing I know about love it's that we're actually gonna find a way -- PHOEBE: No, no-no-no, no, no. That's not the problem. I mean, that -- that is, obviously, you know, a problem. But--but that's not the problem. COOP: Okay, I don't understand. PHOEBE: Okay, look, there's -- there's ... new power at magic school, and we're afraid that it's gonna turn everybody against us. COOP: Okay, and by "everyone," you mean ... PHOEBE: Ogres, fairies, leprechauns. (shrugs) Cupids, maybe. (Coop turns and takes a step away from Phoebe as this all sinks in.) COOP: Whoa! (Suddenly, Phoebe is ht with a gold wave of light. Coop turns and looks at Phoebe.) COOP: All right, well, when did all this happen? Phoebe? (She smiles at him.) COOP: You all right? (She reaches up and kisses him.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Dumain flips to the next page in the book.) DUMAIN: Their grandmother's wedding ring ... which she apparently put a hex on to remind her of the horrors of being a housewife. Should be perfect for Piper, considering her current situation. (He looks at the page and smiles.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Piper is flipping through the Book of Shadows. She stops on the page on FAERIES. She puts her hand down on the Book. Suddenly, the second ring appears on her finger.) (Piper gasps as she sees it.) PIPER: Oh, crap. (Then, she turns into a housewife. She looks at the mess in the attic.) PIPER: This place is a mess. (Piper speedily hurries out of the attic.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Satisfied, Dumain closes the book.) DUMAIN: Now it's time to bring in the demons. (The book flashes out of his hand and vanishes.) DUMAIN: It won't be long now before everyone's against the Charmed Ones. Especially Billie. (The Triad appears satisfied.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. TREE GROTTO – NIGHT] (O'Brien has gathered as many of the magical community members as he could muster to discuss the Charmed Ones' problem. There are Faeries, Wood Nymphs, Ogres and Elves.) (O'Brien and Liam talk amongst themselves.) O'BRIEN: All right now. Let's go. (O'Brien and Liam turn to start the meeting. O'Brien takes a seat on the tree stump and addresses the small group.) O'BRIEN: Here we are. Now, we all know that the winds of wr are blwing. It's time we faced the facts. The Charmed Ones can't be trusted to help us ... anymore! (A wood nymph steps forward.) WOOD NYMPH: I don't believe that. They've always been there for us. O'BRIEN: Well, you didn't see Paige today ... come to beg us to fight the comin' evil. LIAM: Except she left right in the middle. All in a hurry ... to go find enlightenment or get her nails done or who knows what. O'BRIEN: They don't care anymore. Like last year, when they took on new identities, skipping away from the fight without so much as a good-bye. OGRE: They did it to stop Zankou. WOOD NYMPH: Just one of the many thrat they saved us from. They stopped the Source, Avatars ... the Triad. Who are we to question them? Witches prophesized centuries ago to fight for the greater good. O'BRIEN: But that's just the point. They don't anymore! They don't care enough to protect us from -- BOOM! (A loud explsin hits O'Brien and he's thrown off the tree stump, falling on the ground with a thud.) (The crowd gasps.) REVERSE ANGLE – ACROSS THE GROTTO (Four demons are at the back of the crowd. They hurl fireball after fireball into the screaming crowd.) ANGLE – ASSASSIN DEMONS (Hurl FIREBALLS as they step toward the crowd. explsin ROCK CAMERA as they ht the grotto trees and walls. Creatures scream and run for cover.) (A fireball hits an Ogre and the elf jumps for cover behind a log.) ANGLE – THROUGH THE CROWD (Magical creatures run screaming through the crowd under a hail of fireballs. A fireball hits an faerie.) ANGLE – LIAM (Liam jumps over the log to get to cover. A demon throws a fireball, knocking Liam off his feet.) ANGLE – WOOD NYMPHS (Two wood nymphs run from the advancing demons. The demon with the fireball shimmers out from behind them and shimmers back in front of them. The wood nymphs stop in their tracks, frozen. The front wood nymph quickly ducks for cover as the demon throws the fireball. It hits the second wood nymph, vanquishing her.) ANGLE – O'BRIEN (O'Brien hides behind a fallen tree stump. He looks out at the grotto and sees chaos – magical creatures defenseless and being klled one after the other.) (An ogre stands up and grabs an elf who has fallen. He picks her up and pulls her to safety.) (The demon stands with a fireball in his hand, ready to fre. He looks around and sees Liam trying to make it to cover.) (O"Brien looks across the way at his friend.) LIAM: If we don't get the Charmed Ones ... we're all dad! (A fireball hits nearby, startling Liam. He tries to make it to O'Brien, who reaches out a hand to help him. Liam reaches up to grab O'Brien's hand when he's ht in the back by a fireball.) (He screams as he explodes.) (O'Brien grimly looks around.) [EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE – NIGHT] (Paige is meditating, her eyes closed as she sits in lotus position on a floating bed of white orb lights.) (A rainbow appears and O'Brien steps out, limping and injured from the attck.) O'BRIEN: Paige! You got to help us! We're under attck! (Paige doesn't open her eyes.) PAIGE: I'm sorry. This is ‘me' time. O'BRIEN: They klled Liam! They're trying to kll us all! PAIGE: I'm trying to find a deeper meaning. Please go! Bay! (She waves her hand and orbs O'Brien away from her.) (O'Brien yells in shocked surprise.) [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO BAY – WIDE – NIGHT] (Bright orb lights fly off the tower and into the bay.) O'BRIEN: Aaaaarrrggh! [EXT. WATER – CLOSE ON O'BRIEN -- NIGHT SPLASH! (O'Brien land sin the bay.) [EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE – NIGHT] (Paige still has her eyes closed in meditation. Suddenly, she opens her eyes as if knowing something's wrong.) [EXT. SAN FRANCISCO BAY – WIDE – NIGHT] (After a bat, O'Brien pops up from the water, sputtering – drenched, pissed and betrayed -- ) O'BRIEN: Uhh! [EXT. GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE – NIGHT] (A gold glow washes over Paige and her eyes widen. The white orb lights she's sitting on vanish and she falls on her rump.) (She pauses a moment.) PAIGE: Uh-oh. [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – NIGHT] (ON THE POTTED PLANT. The wood nymph floats out from the greenery calling for -- WOOD NYMPH: Help! Phoebe! Please! ANGLE – BEDROOM (Mid-kiss, Phoebe sighs and falls back on the bed with Coop.) ANGLE – WOOD NYMPH (She sees Phoebe in the bedroom and rushes over.) ANGLE – BEDROOM (Phoebe slips out of her jacket as she continues kissing Coop.) WOOD NYMPH: We're being attcked! (Phoebe sees the Wood Nymph lingering in the doorway.) PHOEBE: (panting) What?! Not now! (Coop is unaware why Phoebe's stopped.) COOP: You all right? PHOEBE: Yeah. COOP: Do you want me to stop? PHOEBE: No. (And she pulls him back to her for another kiss.) ANGLE – LIVING ROOM (From the bedroom doorway, the Wood Nymph turns to see the Assassin Demon shimmer in, fireball at the ready. She quickly dives back toward the potted plant in the corner just as the demon throws and the fireball hits the plant, exploding it.) ANGLE – BEDROOM DOORWAY (Phoebe gasps and runs out to the doorway in time to see the smoking plant. She turns and sees the assassin demon. He looks back directly at her, then shimmers out.) (Coop appears behind Phoebe, his shirt unbuttoned.) (The spell Phoebe's under pops out of her, rises up and vanishes.) (Phoebe knows something's gone horribly wrong.) PHOEBE: Uh-oh. CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – MAIN HALL / SITTING ROOM – NIGHT] (Piper is vacuuming the main hall when her timer bell dings.) FAST FORWARD: (In a blur, Piper turns the vacuum off and goes into the kitchen. She exits the kitchen carrying a tray of cookies.) RESUME MOTION. (She puts the tray of cookies down next to the first tray of pastry cups. She picks up the martini mixer and shakes it.) (The faerie appears and starts talking with Piper.) FAERIE 2: (tinkling) PIPER: May I help you? (Piper continue shaking the martini mixer.) FAERIE 2: (tinkling) PIPER: What's that? FAERIE 2: (tinkling) PIPER: You and the whole magical community is under attck? FAERIE 2: (tinkling) PIPER: Demons are slaughtering you left and right? FAERIE 2: (tinkling) PIPER: Your only hope is us? FAERIE 2: (tinkling) (Piper puts the martini mixer down on the table.) PIPER: Well. I'm sorry, but unfortunately, I can't help you. I need to be here for when Leo comes home. FAERIE 2: (tinkling) (Piper looks down at the table.) (In the background, an assassin demon shimmers in. The faerie turns and sees the demon. He tries to warn Piper, but she just bats him away with her hand.) (The demon powers up a fireball and throws it at the faerie. The faerie explodes.) (Piper whirls around in time to see the explsin and the fine stream of dust fall to the carpet.) PIPER: Oh! (She looks at the demon.) PIPER: That's just awful! I just vacuumed there. (Piper turns to get the vacuum. The demon shimmers out.) (She starts vacuuming the carpet, the faerie dust tinkling as it gets sucked into the machine.) (Piper glows and the spell wears out. She changes out of her housewife clothes and back into her regular clothes. She pauses, knowing something has gone horribly wrong.) PIPER: Uh-oh. (PRE-LAP) O'BRIEN: (v.o.) Help! Help us! [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – NIGHT] (Billie, Christy and Dumain rush out.) CHRISTY: What's wrong? What happened? (O'Brien leans against the column.) O'BRIEN: Demons. They're attacking us all! DUMAIN: But ... where are the Charmed Ones? O'BRIEN: Leaving us to die. (Dumain looks at Billie.) BILLIE: We'll take care of that. (O'Brien looks at them. Christy glances at Billie.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MANOR – FOYER / MAIN HALL – NIGHT] (The front door opens and Phoebe rushes in.) PHOEBE: (calls out) Piper?! (She closes the door and hurries through the main hall.) PHOEBE: Paige?! (Piper and Paige step out.) PIPER: Thank god you're all right. Why didn't you answer your cell? PHOEBE: I left it at the condo. PAIGE: Was a spell cast on you as well? PHOEBE: Yes. I don't know what happened. One second, I was talking to Coop, and the next, I was attacking him. PAIGE: Magically? PHOEBE: No. Sexually. Who do you think did this to us? PIPER: Who else? Billie. She's the only one who knows us well enough to use our past against us. PHOEBE: Ooh, I'm gonna kll her. PIPER: Where you been? PAIGE: Okay, the big question is, what do we do now? PHOEBE: Uh ... they seem to be one step ahead of us. I mean, we tried to warn our friends. PIPER: Who probably think we've abandoned them. PAIGE: Yeah? Well, we need to find them and change their minds. PHOEBE: The only way to do that is to save them. (Phoebe, Paige and Piper head upstairs to the attic.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (They enter the attic and find the remaining magical community gathered there – a considerably smaller group than before.) PHOEBE: What's goin' on? PAIGE: We were just coming to save you. O'BRIEN: Well, we've already been saved. And not by you. Yeah. For years we thought you were on our side. Counted on ya. And to leave us ... high and dry ... PIPER: Hey. We were under a spell. PHOEBE: We wanted to save you, but something wouldn't let us. (The Ogre stands up.) OGRE: (angry) You betrayed us! (He backhands Phoebe across the face. She falls to the floor.) (Phoebe gets to her feet. With O'Brien in the lead, the magical community advances around the Charmed Ones.) O'BRIEN: It's always one thing or another with you, isn't it? Our good friends are being slaughtered while you're kissing your loved ones or contemplating your navel. Billie and Christy were right about you. PAIGE: Look, they're twisting everything. It's not what you think. CHRISTY: (o.s.) They know exactly what to think. (Christy and Billie step out from the back of the crowd.) CHRISTY: They think it's over. BILLIE: And so do we. (Christy concentrates and a large fireball forms in front of her. The magical creatures gasp and step back.) (Seeing that things aren't going well, Phoebe heads over to grab the Book of Shadows.) PHOEBE: Uh ... the Book. (Billie telekinetically pushes the fireball toward the sisters.) (Paige orbs them out just as the fireball passes through them and at the far wall – completely demolishing it.) CUT TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD CAVE – NIGHT] (Mid-motion, the girls re-orb and ht the dirt ground hard.) GIRLS: Unhh! (They turn and look back only to find themselves in a dirty underworld cavern.) PHOEBE: What -- how did we get here? (They rub the dirt from their hands.) PAIGE: I don't know. I aimed for Magic School. They must have ... protected it from us. PHOEBE: Wait. So there's demons up there, and we're stuck in the underworld? PIPER: We're the bad guys now. (Piper gets to her feet.) PAIGE: Well, how did that happen? PHOEBE: Well, more importantly, what are we gonna do now? (Suddenly in the darkness a great demonic howl echoes throughout the cavern. Piper turns around and sees nothing but darkness and miniature volcanoes spewing out light and smoke.) PIPER: (mutters) Oh, this is bad. This is really bad. (Paige hugs her knees to her chest as the demonic sounds, growls and whispers grow louder and louder around them.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Dumain reports back to the Triad.) BALIEL: They've escaped. DUMAIN: But not for long. They're on the run, banished with nowhere to turn. ASMODEUS: So ... how can they be destroyed? DUMAIN: They won't give up. They'll attck Billie and Christy with everything they've got. CANDOR: And so will begin the ultimate battle. DUMAIN: One which will destroy all the witches ... Including Billie and Christy. (Dumain bows to the Triad.) ASMODEUS: Then we can return ... once and for all. (Camera holds on the Triad.) FADE TO BLACK. ========================== THE END ========================== TITLE/OPENING CREDITS ========================== CHARMED 8X20: GONE WITH THE WITCHES ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON WB: 05/07/2006 TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as Piper KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy Jenkins ANTHONY CISTARO LELAND CROOKE MICHAEL J. ANDERSON MICHAEL GILDEN SOREN OLIVER STEVEN J. OLIVER and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop (Cupid) Editor: PAUL FONTAINE Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: KRIS KROSSKOVE Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE Written by: JEANNINE RENSHAW Directed by: JONATHAN WEST ========================== END CREDITS ========================== Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Tonight's Charmed featured music by: * pink, i'm not d*ad, promotional consideration furnished by laface records Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: JOEL STOFFER as Creo LOGAN ALEXANDER as Goon DAVID MATLEY as Ogre Co Starring: CASSANDRA GRAE as Wood Nymph KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JASON SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 Co Starring: SCOUT TAYLOR-COMPTON as Fairy #1 JAKE DIMMIDDLE as Fairy #2 Music By: J. PETER ROBINSON Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: JON PARE First Assistant Director: DEREK JOHANSEN Second Assistant Director: BERYL COHEN Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: MICHAEL ST. HILLAIRE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BYRON MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: GREGORY BARNA Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: JOSH SCHNEIDER / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:07/02/2006	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x20 - Gone With The Witches"}	foreverdreaming
FADE IN: [TRIQUETRA LOGO] HOLLY MARIE COMBS (NARRATOR): (v.o.) Previously on ‘Charmed' ... [Scene from 8X16: Engaged and Confused] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT -- DAY] (Phoebe and Coop sit and talk.) COOP: Well, I'm Cupid. You can call me Coop. CUT TO: [Scenes from 8X20: Gone With the Witches] [INT. MANOR – DINING ROOM -- DAY] (Phoebe confesses to Piper and Paige.) PHOEBE: I love Coop, okay? I'm in love with Coop. [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Coop and Phoebe kiss.) PHOEBE: (v.o.) I love him and I just can't help it. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scene from 8X10: Vaya Con Leos] [INT. UNDERWORLD – BURKE'S LAIR] (With a flash, Leo is entombed in a cryogenic chamber, frozen solid.) (The Angel of Destiny instructs Piper.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: If you prevail, he will be returned. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [Scenes from 8X20: Gone With the Witches] [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Christy talks with Billie.) CHRISTY: Who do you think wrote in my diary and told you how to find me? (She turns and looks at Dumain.) CHRISTY: He prepared us for everything. DUMAIN: I was sent by the greater powers to show you your Destiny. CUT TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY] (Dumain talks with The Triad Spirit.) DUMAIN: We're almost there, my Lords. (Dumain bows his head. The Triad Spirit splits into three. CUT TO: CANDOR: And so will begin the ultimate battle. DUMAIN: One which will destroy all the witches. Including Billie and Christy. TRIQUETRA FLASH TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC -- NIGHT] (The Charmed Ones faces the angry magical community.) PAIGE: They're twisting everything. It's not what you think. CUT TO: (Christy starts the fireball.) CUT TO: (Phoebe runs to get the Book of Shadows.) PHOEBE: The Book. (Paige orbs them out just as the fireball passes through them, hitting the far wall - completely demolishing it.) [INT. UNDERWORLD CAVE -- NIGHT] (Mid-motion, the girls re-orb and ht the dirt ground hard.) GIRLS: Unhh! (They turn and look back only to find themselves in a dirty underworld cavern.) PHOEBE: What? How did we get here? (Piper gets up.) PIPER: We're the bad guys now. FADE OUT. END OF PREVIOUSLY ON. FADE IN: [INT. UNDERWORLD – CAVE 1] (The underworld cave is dark with miniature volcanoes that spew out light and smoke, echoes of demonic voices fill the air. In the back of the cave, Piper, Phoebe and Paige cautiously enter and make their way across the cavern.) (Paige is carrying the Book of Shadows.) PAIGE: Wait, you guys. Wait for me. This thing's heavy. PIPER: We got to keep moving. PHOEBE: I think we're going in circles 'cause this looks very familiar. PAIGE: It all looks the same to me, too. PIPER: Of course it does. It's the underworld. It all looks the same. How many looks can they come up with? PAIGE: No wonder they want to take over our world. This is ugly. PHOEBE: They've already taken over our world. That's why we're stuck down here. We got to do something. (Then they hear it, a blast of something hitting something hard. The girls gasp and duck, not knowing where the attck is coming from or where it's going.) PHOEBE: Come on. (Phoebe motions for them to follow her and they scoot for cover behind some rocks.) PIPER: I'm open to suggestions. PHOEBE: Uhm. Maybe we should talk to the leprechauns again. PAIGE: No. I've had it with the leprechauns. PIPER: I think they've made their allegiance pretty clear. PHOEBE: They wouldn't even give us a chance to explain. PIPER: I don't think it would have mattered. Billie and Christy have everybody thinking that we're the thrat. (A fireball comes out from nowhere and smashes high above the rocks they're hiding behind. The girls duck from the falling debris. It's not safe there.) PHOEBE: We got to get out of here. (Paige nods. The girls stand up.) WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – NIGHT] (Dumain walks confidently into the black room. The door closes behind him. He puts a hand on his chest and bows his head.) (The Triad Spirit appears – three spirits, three voices in one.) TRIAD SPIRIT: Why haven't the Charmed Ones attcked yet? DUMAIN: They will. I assure you. (The Triad Spirit splits into three.) ASMODEUS: When? DUMAIN: When they're at their most desperate. When they realize they have no other choice. CANDOR: And Billie and Christy? DUMAIN: They've taken over the Halliwell Manor. And they've got the entire magical community behind them. Not to mention us. BALIEL: But are they prepared for the attck? DUMAIN: (confidently) They will be. (Dumain smiles.) FADE TO END OF TEASER ROLL TITLE CREDITS (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. VARIOUS SAN FRANCISCO CITY (STOCK) – DAY] [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Billie is pacing the floor in front of the broken attic window. She kicks the glass with her foot, stops and looks out the broken window.) (Christy walks in.) CHRISTY: Where did everyone go? (Billie turns around to look at Christy.) BILLIE: Oh, I sent them home. I thought they'd be safer away from us. (Christy is holding Billie's notebook.) CHRISTY: But we might need their help. The sisters – BILLIE: -- are gonna come after us. I know. But it's not the magical community's fight. It's ours. ‘It's our Destiny.' CHRISTY: Here we go again. BILLIE: Don't worry. I know it's the right thing and it's all for the greater good. But it doesn't mean I have to like it. CHRISTY: Look, Billie, I know this is hard for you. Okay? But it'll all be over soon. I promise. BILLIE: Don't be so sure. We came after them with our best sht, and they still got away. CHRISTY: Yeah, but barely. BILLIE: It just makes me think that maybe we don't have enough to go up against them. They aren't the most powerful witches of all time for nothing. CHRISTY: But we're no slouches either. Besides, we don't know what would've happened. They got away before our best sht ht them. (Billie doesn't say anything.) CHRISTY: You know, Dumain thinks we should use vanquishing potions next time. BILLIE: (horrified) Vanquishing potions? CHRISTY: You wrote down their most powerful ones. If we catch them off guard, they won't stand a chance against us. (Coop flashes into the attic. Billie and Christy take a cautious step back. He turns and sees them.) COOP: Billie. (Coop glances around as he takes a couple of steps toward them.) COOP: (easily) What are you guys doing here? BILLIE: Oh, it's a long story. COOP: Oh. What happened? CHRISTY: That's what we're still trying to figure out. So what brings you here? COOP: I'm looking for Phoebe. I can't find her anywhere. CHRISTY: When was the last time you saw her? COOP: Last night at her loft. Someone put her under a spell, and, uh – (Billie and Christy glance at each other. Coop is suddenly very wary of them. He shrugs and shakes his head. He stops talking before he gives too much away.) COOP: Oh, never mind. If you see her, just let her know I'm looking for her, huh? CHRISTY: Absolutely. And you do the same. We're looking for her, too. (Coop glances over and sees the broken glass on the floor. He looks at Billie, then flashes out. Billie immediately turns to Christy.) BILLIE: Wait. He said she was under a spell. CHRISTY: So? BILLIE: Phoebe said the same thing. That makes me wonder -- CHRISTY: (interrupts) She'll say anything to save herself. So will he. Come on. We have a potion to make. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. UNDERWORLD – CAVE 2] (Piper stands next to Phoebe. They're both looking at something on the ground in front of them.) PHOEBE: Okay, do it. (Piper blasts the small pile of rocks to start a warm fre for them.) (Paige holds out a hand in front of the fre to warm herself. Piper and Phoebe kneel down in front of the fre.) PIPER: Okay, we can't keep playing "Survivor: Underworld" much longer. What are we gonna do? PAIGE: (hopeful) How about we just orb home? PHOEBE: No, it's too risky. Billie and Christy will be waiting for us, and their new friends. (Phoebe holds her hands out in front of the fre to warm herself.) PAIGE: Okay, well, we got to do something fast because word is gonna get around that we're down here. PIPER: She's right. We can't fend off demons forever. We need a plan. PAIGE: Maybe just give up. (She chuckles wryly.) PIPER: What?! PAIGE: It's just that every time we go out and try to get a life -- meet people, do new things -- we seem to wind up back in these kind of lame positions. Giving up's not such a bad idea, is it? PHOEBE: No, I'm not giving up. Not now. And not after I finally found someone I could see having a future with. Look, if we want our lives and ... Leo back, we're gonna have to fight. PAIGE: Fight Billie and Christy. PHOEBE: Exactly. PIPER: Are you sure you can do it? I mean really do it. Can you kll them? PHOEBE: Yeah. They're no different than demons now. Not after all of this. (She indicates the underworld cave around them as well as everything else that's happened. The girls lapse into silence as they take that in.) (Suddenly, three demons shimmer into the cavern a distance behind Paige. One of them has an energy ball in his hand ready to go.) (Piper and Phoebe get to their feet.) PIPER: Look out. (The Demon throws the energy ball at Piper. She blasts it mid-air, then blasts the demon. He explodes.) (A second demon throws an energy ball. Paige quickly deflects it back at the third demon.) PAIGE: Energy ball. (The demon explodes.) (Phoebe pulls Piper and Paige away as they take off running with the second demon giving chase. A fourth demon, Zohar, shimmers in and follows more slowly – watching them.) PHOEBE: Go, go, go. WHITE FLASH TO: [EXT. CITY STREET IN FRONT THE BAY MIRROR – ESTABLISHING -- DAY] (Open on a bus bench with an ‘ASK PHOEBE' ad on the back. A yellow taxi cab passes by.) (Camera rises up and lingers on THE BAY MIRROR building.) [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN – DAY] (The bullpen is bustling. A demon, Nomed, enters the bullpen and casually stands in the center of the room, his arms crossed, looking around. He turns and sees Phoebe's office.) (He walks over to Phoebe's office.) [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – PHOEBE'S OFFICE – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Nomed enters Phoebe's office and goes through her mail.) (Elise stands in the doorway.) ELISE ROTHMAN: Excuse me. Can I help you? NOMED: I'm sorry. I was just looking for Miss Halliwell. ELISE ROTHMAN: And you are? NOMED: I'm, uh, an admirer of hers. For quite some time now. ELISE ROTHMAN: Fine. Well, if you'd like an autographed picture, just leave your name and address -- NOMED: (interrupts) I don't want a picture. I'm actually here for personal reasons. ELISE ROTHMAN: And may I ask what it's regarding? NOMED: Well, like I said, it's ... it's personal. ELISE ROTHMAN: I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave. NOMED: Of course. Forgive me. (He walks past Elise and out of the office.) [INT. THE BAY MIRROR – BULLPEN – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (He stops and turns.) NOMED: It's just that she's not been back to her condo for a couple of weeks, nor to her sister's house, and I can't seem to find her anywhere. I'm just a little concerned, that's all. Aren't you? (Elise doesn't say anything. Nomed turns and leaves. Once he's gone, Elise breathes.) CUT TO: [EXT. STREET – DAY] (Nomed and Zohar are walking down the street past the ASK PHOEBE bus bench. Zohar reports back to Nomed.) NOMED: Are you sure it was them? ZOHAR: They vanquished our best. And Kadl hasn't been heard from since he followed them. NOMED: I believe that if it's the Charmed Ones, he's dad, too, just like the rest. ZOHAR: Then why do we keep sending demons in after them? It's su1c1de. (They stop walking for a moment.) NOMED: No, no, no. It's necessary. I need to understand what they're doing down there. It's so – (searches, admires) -- uncharacteristic of them. (He smiles as he looks around.) NOMED: After all, they love it up here. (They continue walking.) NOMED: They have everything they want -- friends, family, a little romance. ZOHAR: So then what are they doing in the underworld? What are they running from? NOMED: My old mentors. ZOHAR: The Triad? NOMED: Who else? They're the only ones powerful enough to turn their world upside down. ZOHAR: But I thought the Triad had been vanquished. NOMED: Well, they have, but they always resurrect sooner or later. First in spirit form, then completely. (bitter about it) You see, it's why our generation can never take power. They won't let us 'cause they just keep coming back. ZOHAR: But it's our right. It's our time. NOMED: Perhaps. But they're too powerful. We can't yet eliminate them, at least not without help. (stops, pointed) Charmed help. ZOHAR: What are you talking about? NOMED: Phoebe hasn't been to work in days. But it's so much more than a job to her. She gets to help people with her column. She needs that. (knowing) She misses that. Just like Piper misses her children and Paige misses her new husband. And they'll do anything to get it all back. Believe me. Even if it means ... working with us. (Confident of his assessment, Nomed smiles at Zohar and continues on. Zohar follows.) CUT TO: [EXT. VICTOR'S CONDO (STOCK) – DAY] (Establishing.) [INT. VICTOR'S CONDO – DAY] (Wyatt and Victor have their arms flat on the table and their chins resting on the backs of their hands as they contemplate the intense game of CANDYLAND that they're in the middle of playing.) (In the background, Baby Chris is in his playpen.) VICTOR BENNETT: Unless you draw a double red, you don't stand a chance, my man. (He nods.) Go ahead. Pick that card. (Wyatt picks a card. It's a SINGLE BLUE.) (Victor laughs in triumph. Wyatt puts the card down on the pack. Suddenly the card ORBS OUT. Victor watches it suspiciously. Another card ORBS IN and when the orb lights clear – we see it's a DOUBLE RED!) (Wyatt grins.) VICTOR BENNETT: Hey, that's cheating. WYATT: (defensive) It wasn't me. It's Chris. VICTOR BENNETT: (not buying it) No way. He doesn't have any powers yet. WYATT: (smiles) Yes, he does. (Victor looks back at Chris who laughs at him.) (Coop flashes in the room. Not recognizing him at all, Victor is on guard.) VICTOR BENNETT: Wyatt, shield. (Victor points to Chris in the playpen.) VICTOR BENNETT: Orb. (Coop watches as Wyatt orbs out. Victor gets to his feet. Wyatt then orbs back in next to the playpen. A large shield appears surrounding both he and Chris.) (Victor picks up a poker and brandishes it at Coop.) VICTOR BENNETT: All right. Who the hell are you and what do you want? (Coop holds up a hand.) COOP: You've got the wrong idea. I'm a friend. I'm a Cupid. VICTOR BENNETT: (scoffs) Yeah, right. Get out of here, or I'll sic my grandson on you. COOP: (to Victor) I'm telling you, I'm not the bad guy. (Coop turns and talks with Wyatt.) COOP: Hey, Wyatt. What's going on, buddy? You remember me? Huh? At Paige's wedding with Aunt Phoebe? Saw you sneak a little bit of cake before the ceremony with Henry. (Wyatt looks at Coop and remembers. The shield vanishes.) COOP: Oh, there we go. All right. See? (Victor slowly brings down the poker.) VICTOR BENNETT: Sorry. We're a little on edge around here. COOP: Yeah, I see that. Listen, I know a little something about what's going on here and that's actually why I came here. But I'm looking for Phoebe everywhere. I can't find her. I'm worried. VICTOR BENNETT: Phoebe, huh? COOP: Yeah. VICTOR BENNETT: She and her sisters are just fine. They sent me a message not too long ago. COOP: Really? Where are they? VICTOR BENNETT: Well, you don't get to know that. And frankly, I don't have any more time or patience for Cupids or fairies and others like you. Especially after the way you treated my girls. So buzz off. COOP: I completely understand where you're coming from. But I'm different. I swear. I'm in love with your daughter. VICTOR BENNETT: (groans) Oh, for the love of God. COOP: And I just want to help her. VICTOR BENNETT: If you really want to help her, stay away from her and let her live her life, if she survives this anyway. COOP: Victor, listen to me-- VICTOR BENNETT: Listen. I mean it. I've watched one daughter go to hell and back falling for some magical being, and I'm not about to go through that again. And I'm not about to let Phoebe go through that. She deserves better. She's been through too much. COOP: Nobody will ever love your daughter more than me. Ever. (Victor scoffs.) I promise you that. VICTOR BENNETT: What do you know about love? COOP: I'm a Cupid. VICTOR BENNETT: That doesn't mean squat unless you had your heart broken. Have you had your heart broken? COOP: No. VICTOR BENNETT: Then you don't know about love. Believe me. (Coop doesn't say anything.) VICTOR BENNETT: Listen. I, uh ... I'm sorry I'm so cranky, but I've got a lot on my mind. Just ... just do us a favor and let us be, okay? We've got enough to worry about here. COOP: Victor, I am in love with your daughter, and there's nothing that you can say that's going to change that. So please, when you hear from her, just call out my name, okay? It's Coop. I'll be waiting. (Coop flashes out.) (Victor turns and looks at his grandsons, then turns and considers the empty space where Coop was standing.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (BAMM! Piper adds some ingredients to the potions pot and it reacts. White smoke rises from the pot. Phoebe walks in carrying more ingredients.) PHOEBE: (hushed voice) Hey, you guys, keep it down. They could still be in the house, you know. PIPER: Here's hoping. PHOEBE: Yeah, but we don't want to have to attck before we're ready. PAIGE: Well, I wish we hadn't taken the Book of Shadows to your condo. We could've used it. PIPER: I don't think we're going to need it. PAIGE: Still, I don't want to take any chances after what happened last time. PHOEBE: Okay, well, that should be enough. They are human after all. PIPER: I'm not so sure. (Phoebe sighs.) PHOEBE: All right, get the vials. (Phoebe picks up the empty vials and starts filling them.) SHORT TIME CUT TO: [CU: CLOSED DOOR] (The door opens. Paige looks inside. Behind her in the hallway, we see Phoebe and Piper checking out the other rooms as well.) (Paige turns around and looks at them.) [INT. MANOR – SECOND FLOOR HALLWAY – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (The sisters gather in the hallway.) PIPER: Anything? PHOEBE: No. (They head for the stairway.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS/MAIN HALL – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige slowly descend the stairway, cautiously looking out for Billie or Christy.) (They reach the bottom and look around.) PAIGE: I guess they're not here. PHOEBE: Maybe they're at magic school. (Billie and Christy step out from the conservatory.) BILLIE: No, we're not. PAIGE: Waiting for us, I see. CHRISTY: We knew you'd have to come back here eventually. PIPER: Yes, well, seeing how it is our house. Oh, wow. I see we have potions. BILLIE: You taught me well. PIPER: (how ironic) Hmm. CHRISTY: So what are you waiting for? (Paige looks at them suspiciously.) PIPER: Nothing. (Piper and Phoebe get ready to throw their vials. Paige stops them.) PAIGE: Stop it. Stop. (Astral Christy turns and looks at Astral Billie.) ASTRAL CHRISTY: I told you this wouldn't make them attck first. (The Billie and Christy in the conservatory vanish. Paige, Phoebe and Piper walk over to the conservatory.) PHOEBE: What was that? PAIGE: Billie's projection power. (Billie and Christy run out from the dining room. They quickly throw their vials.) (Paige, Piper and Phoebe turn around, see them, and throw their vials also.) [CU: VIALS] (The vials collide mid-air and EXPLODE.) (The force of the vanquishing explsin is so great that it throws Piper, Phoebe and Paige backward toward the conservatory windows. It also throws Billie and Christy up and back toward the stair railing.) [EXT. MANOR – BACK YARD – DAY] (The Charmed Ones smash backward through the conservatory windows.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS – DAY] (Billie and Christy are thrown up high and smash backward against the far stairway wall.) [EXT. MANOR – BACK YARD – DAY] (Phoebe wakes up and looks at Piper who is still unconscious.) (Paige is all right.) PAIGE: (to Phoebe) You okay? (Phoebe checks on Piper.) PIPER: Piper, are you okay? (Piper doesn't get up.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS – DAY] (Billie and Christy groan and slowly get up.) [EXT. MANOR – BACK YARD – DAY] (Phoebe turns and keeps and eye on them.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS – DAY] (Christy turns and looks directly at Phoebe.) (Billie sees the blood on the back of Christy's shoulder. She grabs her.) BILLIE: Oh, my god. You're hurt. (Christy pulls away from Billie's touch. All she wants is to get the Charmed Ones.) CHRISTY: Where are the other vials? [EXT. MANOR – BACK YARD – DAY] (Phoebe doesn't like it.) PHOEBE: Let's get her out of here. (Phoebe and Paige each hold onto Piper's hands as Paige orbs them out.) [INT. MANOR – STAIRS – DAY] (Christy sees them orb out.) CHRISTY: Damn it. BILLIE: All right. Come on. We've got to take care of this. CHRISTY: No. It doesn't matter. BILLIE: Well, it matters to me. Let's go. (Billie grabs Christy and drags her upstairs.) CUT TO: [EXT. GOLDEN PARK BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] (Establish.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (The girls orb into Phoebe's loft. Phoebe quickly looks at Paige.) PHOEBE: I'll go get her some water. (She and Paige both start to get up, but are then zapped by a wave of white light.) (They fall back to the floor, unconscious.) (Nomed steps out, his arm raised as he's just zapped them. Zohar is right behind him. They slowly walk up toward the unconscious girls.) ZOHAR: How did you know they'd come here? NOMED: Where else could they go? ZOHAR: It's tempting just to kll them now, isn't it? NOMED: Oh, it's never that easy. History proves that. Besides ... we need them as much as they need us. (Nomed looks at the girls on the floor.) FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. GOLDEN PARK BUILDING (STOCK) - DAY] [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (ON Phoebe, Piper and Paige, all stirring. Phoebe wakes up first, opens her eyes, and doesn't like what she sees. She gets up and immediately starts shaking Piper and Paige to wake up.) PHOEBE: Piper, Paige, wake up. PAIGE: What? (Nomed stands up and buttons his jacket. Zohar lounges in the back.) NOMED: Well, it's about time. (The sisters get to their feet.) PAIGE: Oh, okay, Piper, blast. NOMED: Wait. If you vanquish me now, who'll help you stop the Triad? PHOEBE: We already stopped the Triad. NOMED: Yes, but they came back. Or didn't you know? (off their looks) They're Evil Incarnate. And since evil never really dies, neither do they, or at least not for long. Who else could invert morality to the point of making you out to be as bad as us? (scoffs) Billie and Christy? I don't think so. PAIGE: We always knew somebody else was behind them. PIPER: All right. What do you want? NOMED: We want to help you. PHOEBE: How? By knocking us out? ZOHAR: We could've klled you if we wanted to. NOMED: (wryly) Or at least we could've tried. But we didn't. The point is, if you want your lives back and you want to stop the Triad as much as we do, then you'll let us help. PIPER: Help with what? NOMED: I know the Triad. I used to serve under them. And more importantly, I know what they're thinking. Which means I might be able to find out what Billie and Christy's next move might be. ZOHAR: Which might help you defeat them next time. PAIGE: Why would a demon want our help klling another demon? NOMED: Personal reasons. Look, all you need to know is if you're going to do what must be done to save your future, you're gonna have to trust us. Well, what do you say? PHOEBE: I don't know. I don't like it. (Piper is silent and hesitant. She turns and sees something that rocks her to her core PIPER'S POV (An APPARITION of LEO appears. He's dressed the same as when we last saw him and his mouth is moving as if he's talking to her.) RESUME PIPER (Both Phoebe and Paige look at Piper when she doesn't respond. Paige turns and looks over at the empty doorway. She sees nothing.) (At Piper's prolonged silence, even Nomed turns and looks at the empty doorway.) PIPER'S POV (Still, Piper can see Leo – saying something to her.) (Then Leo vanishes.) (Piper turns and looks at Phoebe.) PIPER: Did you see that? PHOEBE: See what, sweetie? (Piper turns and looks at the empty doorway.) PIPER: Nothing. Um ... we'll take whatever help we can get. (Phoebe and Paige are surprised by Piper's response. Nomed nods to her. Then he and Zohar shimmer out.) PAIGE: How can you trust them? PIPER: We can't. But we're out of options. WHITE FLASH TO: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – STUDY – DAY] (Nomed and Zohar shimmer into the Magic School Study.) ZOHAR: How do you know the Triad are even here? NOMED: I don't. But their witches are, so I doubt they're far away. (Nomed turns and looks at the desk.) ZOHAR: But if you're right and they find us here – NOMED: They'll banish us to the wasteland. (He turns and looks at Zohar. He nods. NOMED: Yes. Our sacrifice won't be in vain if we find a way to make sure they die, too. Understand? (Zohar doesn't look like he does, but he nods anyway.) NOMED: It's time for the Triad's reign to end, one way or the other. (Zohar smiles.) BILLIE: (o.s.) Christy, sit still. You're bleeding. (They hear voices. Nomed heads toward the voices.) CHRISTY: (o.s.) I don't care. Just put a bandage on it. (He looks out the doorway and sees Billie tending to Christy's wounds in the Great Hall. Christy is reading through a book.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – GREAT HALL – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Billie and Christy talk as she tends to her wounds.) BILLIE: Too bad we're trying to kll Paige. Otherwise, she could've healed you. (Christy glances at the burn on her shoulder.) CHRISTY: Are you done yet? BILLIE: No. (apologetically) Um, this is gonna sting a little bit, so hold on, okay? (She puts the bandage on the wound, looking for some kind of response from Christy, but she sees none. Christy is consumed with reading the book.) BILLIE: (prompts) Does that hurt? CHRISTY: No. BILLIE: Well, I still think we should get this checked. CHRISTY: (scoffs) What are we gonna do, Billie? Are we gonna go to the ER and tell them what happened? We have work to do, Billie. We have to find a stronger potion. BILLIE: Well, there aren't any, okay? That was the strongest one they had. CHRISTY: Then we'll make a stronger one. BILLIE: Look, Christy, maybe this isn't a good idea anymore. CHRISTY: Billie. BILLIE: I'm serious. Look, it doesn't change how I feel about them or what they've done. But I don't want to lose you, too. You're all I have left. CHRISTY: Okay, Billie. Listen to me. You're not gonna lose me. Okay? And I'm not gonna lose you ... as long as we stick together. (The door opens and Dumain enters the room.) DUMAIN: What happened? CHRISTY: It's nothing. I'm fine. NOMED'S POV (From their position down the hallway, Nomed and Zohar continue to listen in.) BILLIE: (o.s.) No, she's not. The sisters attcked us, but they used the same potions as we did. RESUME BILLIE AND CHRISTY (Dumain kneels in front of Christy.) CHRISTY: But they got hurt just as badly as we did. We'll get 'em next time. DUMAIN: Apparently not without more power. You should go back to the manor. We don't want them using it as a power base. In the meantime, I'll see what I can do about getting you what you need. (Dumain stand sup and walks out of the Great Hall.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – HALLWAY – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] (Dumain walks past the study where Nomed is. Nomed watches Dumain.) NOMED: (to Zohar) Wait here. (Nomed leaves the study and follows Dumain.) [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Dumain reports to the Triad.) TRIAD: You told us they already had what they needed. CANDOR: That's the second time you've overestimated Billie and Christy. BALIEL: Or underestimated the Charmed Ones. DUMAIN: With all due respect, it was always an ambitious plan to begin with. ASMODEUS: But it was your ambitious plan, Dumain. We hold you responsible. DUMAIN: And I accept responsibility, My Lord, as well as all due credit for getting us this far. After all, fighting the witches to a draw is better than any demon has ever -- BALIEL: But that's not good enough. We need to take over before it's too late. CANDOR: The Charmed Ones are weary, depleted. They'll never be more vulnerable than they are right now. BALIEL: And if we don't destroy them while we can, their magical offspring will continue to grow in numbers and power. CANDOR: And then there'll be too many to stop. We need the Hollow. ASMODEUS: Agreed. DUMAIN: Wait. We can't use the Hollow. There's a reason why both good and evil banished it hundreds of years ago. It's-It's uncontrollable. ASMODEUS: Nevertheless, it is our only choice. DUMAIN: No, but it's too dangerous. It consumes power, sure, but it'll drive whoever's trying to control it insane. Look what it did to the Source. CANDOR: Billie and Christy will need charmed-like powers to summon it. ASMODEUS: (firmly) Fortunately, Dumain knows exactly where to obtain such powers. Don't you? FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (Piper and Paige sit at the back of the room, a small chest between them making a potion while Phoebe sits on the couch scrying. The crystal hits the map.) PHOEBE: Oh. (She looks at the spot on the map.) PHOEBE: Okay, they're back. At the manor. PIPER: Okay, we're almost ready. PHOEBE: I'm just worried that Billie's gonna be able to match whatever potion we come up with. PIPER: Well, it's three against two. It really should be enough. PAIGE: Yeah, well, not if the Triad is helping them, it's not. I mean, what we're making might not be strong enough. I just hope our demon friends come through for us. And isn't it strange saying "demon friends"? PHOEBE: We can't trust them. PIPER: I think we're gonna have to. PHOEBE: So how much of this has to do with what you think you saw? PIPER: I don't think I saw Leo. I know I did. PHOEBE: What do you think it means? PIPER: I don't know. But I can't imagine it's a good omen. (Nomed and Zohar shimmer in.) PIPER: Well, it's about time. NOMED: Cute. So you want the good news or the bad news? (Phoebe stands up.) PHOEBE: Just cut to the chase. NOMED: Very well. The Triad is, in fact, alive, at least in spirit form. But I don't think Billie and Christy know. PAIGE: Then how are they helping them? NOMED: Through a demon whom I don't know. But the big news is what they want Billie and Christy to get to kll you. The Hollow. PHOEBE: The Hollow? NOMED: Actually, you should take it as a compliment. They obviously want you dad at all costs. ZOHAR: And even potentially all of mankind's. PAIGE: Well, that's really great because even we can't stop the Hollow. (Piper starts flipping through the Book of Shadows.) PIPER: Which is why we need to get it before they do. PHOEBE: Wait. What? PAIGE: Piper, do you remember the last time somebody unleashed the Hollow? PIPER: Yes, I do. The Source used it to steal our powers, which I think is the point. PAIGE: But then he went nuts, and then it went into Cole and he went nuts and then he turned evil, and we had to vanquish him. Is that ringing any bells here? PIPER: Yes, which is precisely why we need to get it first. (Coop flashes in.) COOP: Oh, finally. Phoebe – (He stops and sees the demons in the room. He turns and sees Piper and Paige also in the room.) COOP: What's going on? (Phoebe points to the bedroom.) PHOEBE: In there. Come on. Just -- (She and Coop head for the bedroom to talk. She closes the door behind her.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – BEDROOM – DAY -- CONTINUOUS] COOP: Are those demons? PHOEBE: Yes, they are. COOP: What the hell are they doing? PHOEBE: (bursts) That's what I'm trying to tell you. (Coop stops and looks at her.) COOP: Okay. PHOEBE: I'm sorry. We're a little on edge right now, you know. I think you should go. COOP: No. There's no way. I'm not leaving, especially with demons out there. PHOEEBE: I can't do this right now, okay? I don't have time for this. I don't have time for you, okay? I am completely overwhelmed. My sisters are sitting out there and they need me right now, and that's the most important thing in my life. Okay? So I can't. I'm sorry. (Coop looks at Phoebe, then vanishes out.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – LIVING ROOM – DAY – CONTINUOUS] (Paige and Piper wait. The door opens and Phoebe enters the room.) (The demons wait quietly.) PAIGE: You okay? (Phoebe sighs.) PHOEBE: Does it matter? So are we gonna do this or what? CUT TO: [INT. VICTOR'S CONDO – DAY] (The CANDYLAND game board is out on the table, but Wyatt is busy coloring in his coloring book. Victor is out in the hallway with a towel in his hand.) VICTOR BENNETT: (to Wyatt) Hey, buddy, five more minutes till bath time, okay? (Victor heads into the room. Dumain shimmers in.) DUMAIN: Hi. (Wyatt orbs out from his seat at the table and orbs back in next to the playpen. He raises his shield, which protects him and Baby Chris.) DUMAIN: (softly) It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Auntie Billie sent me. (Dumain kneels down in front of Wyatt's shield.) DUMAIN: Wyatt, Wyatt, grandpa won't understand. He's not magical. (scoffs) He'll ruin everything. Do you want to help save mommy? Huh? 'Cause you can, but you have to trust me. I'm not going to make you go anywhere. I promise. All you have to do is orb back home. Auntie Billie will tell you the rest. Do you think you can do that? Huh? For mommy. (Wyatt lowers his shield.) DUMAIN: Whoa. Well, that's a good boy. Now, hurry, son, before it's too late. Go on. (Wyatt orbs out. Dumain stands up. He looks at Chris and with a smile on his face, he shimmers out.) (Chris starts crying.) CUT TO: [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR (STOCK) – DAY] (Chris' crying continues to echo.) [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – DAY] (Billie is sitting on the couch and reading her notebook when Wyatt orbs in.) BILLIE: Wyatt, what are you doing here, honey? WYATT: I'm gonna help mommy. (Billie stands up and heads over to Wyatt. She stops when Dumain shimmers in.) DUMAIN: And the best way to do that is to help Aunt Billie and her sister get more powers. BILLIE: Dumain, what is this? DUMAIN: But the kind of power they need can only be summoned with great power itself. Charmed power. It's the only way to summon the Hollow ... BILLIE: That's crazy. We can't -- DUMAIN: You don't have a choice. It's the only way to guarantee success. (Christy walks into the attic.) DUMAIN: It's the only way to save the greater good, and it's the only way to save Wyatt and Chris from following in the wrong footsteps. (Billie doesn't like it. At all. She turns and looks at Christy who nods back.) CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – DAY] (The discussion continues.) PAIGE: I want to get them as much as anybody else, but at what cost? You know, if we take this in, how do we get rid of it? PIPER: Well, there's a spell right here. PAIGE: Okay, if we summon The Hollow and we get infected, who's gonna be around to say it? PHOEBE: She's got a point. PIPER: Well, we can take Billie and Christy out before we get infected, or we can do nothing, let them get the Hollow, and then all of this really won't matter because then we'll be dad. NOMED: You do realize, of course, that taking out Billie and Christy will only eliminate today's problems. What about tomorrow? PIPER: What are you talking about? NOMED: What am I talking about? I'm talking about the Triad. You're gonna have to go after them, too, if you really want this nightmare to be over. Otherwise, they're gonna keep finding new ways to attck you for another eight years. ZOHAR: But with the Hollow, you'll have the power to vanquish them once and for all. PAIGE: How do we know you're not gonna come after us next? NOMED: We might. But probably not anytime soon. We're not powerful enough to challenge the Charmed Ones. No demon who remains is, save for the Triad. You've decimated the old guard, and we -- well, we need time to rebuild. We might be ready when your next generation takes power. (Piper finds it funny.) PIPER: I'll be looking forward to it. NOMED: Oh, there'll be nothing to look forward to unless you take in the Hollow now. (Piper glances up and Leo appears to her again. She stops and stares. Phoebe notices Piper's silence and turns to see what she's looking at. Paige also turns. They both see nothing.) PHOEBE: Do you see him again? PIPER: Yes. (Leo nods at Piper. Then, he vanishes.) (Phoebe turns and looks at the demons.) PHOEBE: Let's do it. FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [EXT. VICTOR'S CONDO (STOCK) – NIGHT] [INT. VICTOR'S CONDO – NIGHT] (Victor carries Chris and he's on the phone, listening to it ring.) VICTOR BENNETT: Come on, Phoebe. Pick up. PHOEBE'S VOICE: (answering machine) Hey, it's Phoebe. Leave me your name and number -- VICTOR BENNET: (frustrated) Ah! (He hangs up and jiggles Chris in his arms.) VICTOR BENNET: Hey, hey, hey, don't you worry, big buddy. We are gonna find your brother. Yes, we are. (He starts dialing.) Don't you worry ... about a thing. (The phone starts ringing.) VICTOR BENNET: Yeah. PIPER'S VOICE: (answering machine) Hello. VICTOR BENNET: (to phone) Hey, Piper. PIPER'S VOICE: (answering machine) Sorry I can't get to the phone right now -- VICTOR BENNET: Damn it! (He hangs up and comforts Chris who is startled by his outburst.) Oh, sorry, baby. Didn't mean to scare you. CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – NIGHT] (Dumain is talking with Wyatt as Billie and Christy watch. Billie really doesn't like it.) BILLIE: Christy, we can't do this. This isn't right. He's three. CHRISTY: We need him. We don't have a choice. BILLIE: What if he gets hurt? CHRISTY: That's a chance we'll have to take. BILLIE: What has happened to you? Are you even listening to yourself? CHRISTY: We didn't create this problem, Billie. They did. They're the ones who turn their backs on everything good. It's not our fault this is happening. (Billie looks over at Wyatt with Dumain.) CHRISTY: Listen to me, Billie. We've come this far. We can't go back now. If we don't do what we have to do, they're gonna kll us. (Billie walks over to Wyatt. Dumain stands up and steps away. She kneels down in front of Wyatt.) BILLIE: (to Wyatt) Hey. You only have to hold our hands, and we'll do the rest, okay? WYATT: Okay. BILLIE: I hope one day you'll understand. (Christy gives Billie the spell. Christy reads the spell out of the notebook. They each take ahold of one of Wyatt's hands.) BILLIE/ CHRISY: (both) Nos dico super inconcessus vox bonus quod malum ... DISSOLVE TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (At the same time, Piper, Phoebe and Paige stand and read the spell. The Book of Shadows is open on the table in front of them surrounded by lit candles.) PIPER/ PHOEBE/ PAIGE: (all) ultirusque a profugus. Addo is hic, addo is iam. INSERT: TUNNEL (Camera view zooms deep through a tunnel, heading straight for the bright light.) (The cavern clears into a dark room. In the center is a box. Something is glowing inside the box.) PIPER/ PHOEBE/ PAIGE & BILLIE/ CHRISTY: (all) (v.o.) Nos dico super inconcessus vox bonus quod malum... DISSOLVE TO: [INT. MANOR –ATTIC – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Christy and Billie continue the spell.) PIPER/ PHOEBE/ PAIGE & BILLIE/ CHRISTY: (all) ultirusque a profugus. [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Piper, Phoebe and Paige continue the spell.) PIPER/ PHOEBE/ PAIGE & BILLIE/ CHRISTY: (all) Ultirusque a profugus. [CU: THE BOX] (The light inside the box grows stronger and brighter. It shakes with suppressed energy.) PIPER/ PHOEBE/ PAIGE & BILLIE/ CHRISTY: (all) (v.o.) Addo is hic, addo is iam. (Suddenly, the lid pops open. The light inside the box is incredibly bright. The hollow bursts out of the box.) [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS] (Like a swarm of bees, The Hollow zooms into the attic window and heads straight for Billie and Christy. It splits into two and infects them both.) (Billie breathes in the Hollow and her eyes turn black.) (Christy breathes in the Hollow and her eyes turn black.) [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – NIGHT – CONTINUOUS] (Nomed and Zohar wait.) (The balcony doors open and the Hollow zooms into the living room, heading straight for the sisters. It splits into three and infects them all. They stagger from the impact.) (They breathe in the Hollow and their eyes turn black.) [INT. VICTOR'S CONDO – NIGHT] (Victor turns and looks at Chris who is in his playpen. He's getting desperate to find Wyatt.) VICTOR BENNETT: Hey, Chris. Listen, buddy. Hide-and-seek. You want to play hide-and-seek? (Chris smiles.) VICTOR BENNETT: Okay. Where's Wyatt? Can you find Wyatt? Can you use your powers to bring him home, please? [INT. MANOR – ATTIC – NIGHT] (Billie and Christy stand before Wyatt.) DUMAIN: Its thirst for power is insatiable. It craves it, absorbs it. Now take his. (Wyatt's shield appears around him.) DUMAIN: Hold out your hands. (They hold out their hands and suck Wyatt's shield into them – along with his other powers, feeding off of him.) DUMAIN: Now you have his powers. All of them. Including his power to orb. (Christy and Billie look at Dumain. They turn and look at Wyatt.) (Wyatt orbs out.) DUMAIN: But that's not possible. (With Wyatt gone, Billie and Christy turn and look at Dumain. Dumain takes a cautious step backward.) DUMAIN: Wha – (fre sht out of Christy's eyes at Dumain. He shimmers out just in time and the fre misses him, hitting the wall behind him.) CUT TO: [INT. VICTOR'S CONDO – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Wyatt orbs into Chris' play pen. Victor laughs with relief.) VICTOR BENNETT: (relieved) Oh, attaboy, slugger. Attaboy! CUT TO: [INT. PHOEBE'S LOFT – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Suddenly, things have gotten very dangerous in the loft. Nomed quickly dives for cover as Piper waves her hands and blasts them. Zohar ducks behind the wall as well. The blast hits the cabinet nearby.) NOMED: Just so you know, your sacrifice will lead to the end of the triad. ZOHAR: What sacrifice? (Nomed pushes Zohar through the doorway and quickly shimmers out.) (Zohar, caught by surprise, throws an energy ball at Paige. It harmlessly hits her – and they absorb the energy.) (Zohar straightens.) (The Charmed Ones raise their hands and energy balls fre out from their palms. It hits Zohar and he explodes.) PAIGE: Hmm. PHOEBE: First the Triad ... PIPER: ... then Billie and Christy. FADE OUT. (COMMERCIAL SET) FADE IN: [INT. MAGIC SCHOOL – BLACK ROOM – NIGHT] (Dumain talks with the Triad.) DUMAIN: You don't understand. It's an uncontrollable situation. There's no telling what they'll do now. ASMODEUS: They'll go after the Charmed Ones, destroy them. DUMAIN: Yes, of course, but then what? By infecting them, their only allegiance now is to power. BALIEL: Your point being? DUMAIN: They can't be stopped. Short of some cataclysmic event, the Hollow will never leave them, which means they'll keep craving more and more power until they have it all, including yours. CANDOR: I think we can handle them if they come. DUMAIN: But you can't. (He takes a step toward them. Behind him, the Charmed Ones stand in the doorway.) DUMAIN: Don't you see? Nobody can. PIPER: We can. (Dumain whirls around. He quickly shimmers out. Streams of electrical energy fre from their hands and ht the Triad directly. They scream.) ALL: Aah! (It keeps going on and on and on. They don't stop until the Triad explode.) (Without waiting, Paige orbs them out.) CUT TO: [INT. MANOR – CONSERVATORY / MAIN HALL – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (Paige, Piper and Phoebe orb into the conservatory, their backs to the sitting room.) (Billie and Christy descend the stairs.) BILLIE: We've been waiting for you. (Paige, Piper and Phoebe turn around. Billie and Christy stand in the main hall.) PAIGE: Well, your wait is over. PIPER: No potions, huh? CHRISTY: We don't need any potions. PHOEBE: Funny. Neither do we. PIPER: (to Christy) I knew we shouldn't have trusted you. CHRISTY: You should've followed your instincts. PIPER: Next time. BILLIE: There won't be a next time. (Piper shakes her head.) (After a bat, each side blasts the other side which streams of raw power and energy.) (The power meets in the middle of the sitting room, each canceling out the other – more and more power is blasted at the other. Wind blows, light flashes.) (The energy in the middle grows and grows – random streams of electricity bursts from the center. It hits the chandelier, exploding it.) (Still the sisters don't stop. More and more energy is blasted toward the other.) (A random stream of power bursts out from the growing center and hits the potted plant and another hits the table, exploding it into pieces. Another stream of power hits the hallway clock, smashing it to bits. The energy in the room continues to grow and grow as a random stream of power hits another plant.) (Finally, it's too much uncontrollable and uncontained power with nowhere to go. The energy explodes.) (Billie and Christy scream.) (Billie and Christy are thrown up and backward toward the hallway stairs.) (Piper, Phoebe and Paige are blasted with the force of the exploding energy and are thrown up and backward toward the ceiling.) (The Charmed Ones scream.) [INT. MANOR – SECOND FLOOR BEDROOM – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The explsin tears upward through the bedroom floor.) [INT. MANOR – ATTIC– NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The attic floor shakes, then the explsin rips through the attic floor.) [EXT. HALLIWELL MANOR – NIGHT -- CONTINUOUS] (The house explodes, energy from within bursts through the windows and doors, ripping the entire building apart.) HIGH ANGLE DOWN (The Halliwell Manor is completely destroyed, a large plume of power and energy rises out of the decimated building.) (Pieces of burning wood fall to the ground. Car alarms blare around the block. Dogs bark.) (The magical explsin vanishes and it turns dark again.) (Out from the explsin like a swarm of bees, the Hollow rises out, swirls around and zooms away.) INSERT: TUNNEL (The Hollow zooms through the tunnel, heading straight for the bright light at the end.) (The Hollow zooms straight back into the open box.) (The lid to the box slams shut and locks.) SMASH TO BLACK. FADE IN: [EXT. SKY -- NIGHT] (OPEN on the starry night sky. It's very quiet. Sound slowly filter in. Camera moves downward. Pieces of wood, paper and other falling debris rain on the yard. Echoes of car alarms blaring are heard in the distance.) (Small pockets of fre burn throughout what's remaining of the Halliwell Manor.) (The sounds filter thought, growing louder and louder as we see more and more of the damage to the manor.) (Camera moves down what used to be the main stairs. Dogs bark in the distance. Car alarms grow louder and louder.) (Camera continues to move around the broken remains and piles upon piles of rubble.) (Dissolve to: The brned hallway clock is black and broken into pieces.) (Camera continues on.) (Various Dissolves of: The debris and piles of wood and ash. Among the rubble is a framed photo of the sisters.) (Camera continues on.) (Dissolve to: In what used to be the conservatory, a lone cough filters out from the still smoking rubble pile.) (The broken pieces of furniture move as Piper pushes it away with her hand.) (She slowly sits up and looks around. She pushes the debris off her legs and painfully sits back. She appears to be all right. Car alarms blare and dogs bark.) (She pauses a moment before getting completely to her feet.) (She's stunned and searching for any signs of life.) (The house is gone – reduced to a pile of wood and rubble. She pushes pieces of wood out of her way as she looks for her sisters.) (And then she sees it – a hand with a tattoo on the wrist -- poking out from under a pile of debris.) (Piper kneels down.) PIPER: Phoebe? (She starts throwing the pieces of wood away trying to uncover her sister. She clears the wood off of Phoebe and tries to wake her up.) PIPER: Phoebe. Come on. PIPER: Wake up. Wake up. (There's no response. Piper starts to cry.) PIPER: Come on. (She sits back and pulls Phoebe onto her lap.) PIPER: It's okay. (She grabs Phoebe's chin, trying to wake her up.) PIPER: Look at me. Look at me. PIPER: Breathe, sweetie. Come on, kiddo. Wake up. (Piper tenderly brushes the hair away from Phoebe's face and cries.) PIPER: No. (She sits down on the ground and holds Phoebe to her chest, rocking back and forth.) PIPER: No. (A ball of light comes down from the heavens, swirling down to the center of the manor. It bursts open and swirls like a twister to reveal the Angel of Destiny.) (She looks at Piper.) (Piper stops and looks at her.) (The Angel of Destiny opens the palm of her hand and a ball of light bursts out, swirls around and manifests into -- Leo.) (Piper is speechless. Leo looks around at the damage, stunned by what he sees. He heads for Piper.) LEO: Piper. (Piper shakes her head as Leo approaches. Leo looks at Phoebe and shares her pain.) (Piper cries.) ANGEL OF DESTINY: (sadly) The battle is over, though not as I expected. (Leo leans forward and holds Piper.) (The Angel of Destiny leaves in a swirl of bright light that gathers into a single glowing ball, which rises up back to the night sky.) (Piper cries. She stops when she hears a sound.) (She hears someone moaning and the sounds of wood shifting.) PIPER: Paige? (to Leo) Hold her. Hold her. (Piper gives Phoebe to Leo. She gets up and heads over to the sound to search for Paige.) PIPER: Paige! (The sounds continue. Piper rushes over to the pile of rubble.) PIPER: Paige. (She lifts up the wood pieces and finds ... PIPER: Billie. (So much anger and hatred in one name. Leo turns around.) (Piper jumps on Billie and punches her in the face. She wraps her hands around Billie's neck and starts choking her.) LEO: (shouts) Piper! (Leo puts Phoebe down and runs to stop her.) LEO: What are you doing? Stop! (Piper continues to choke Billie.) LEO: What's the matter with you? You're gonna kll her. (Leo reaches Piper and pulls her off Billie.) PIPER: No. Let go of me. (Gasping for air, Billie gets up. Leo holds Piper back as she tries to blast Billie.) PIPER: Stop. You don't understand. Stop! (Piper gets free and turns to see Billie running away.) BILLIE: Christy! (Piper blasts her. The frame near her explodes. Billie stops, turns and looks at Piper.) (Piper raises her hands to blast her again, but Leo pulls her hands down and she blasts the broken doorframe. Billie runs out.) PIPER: (to Leo) Why did you do that? You let her get away. LEO: (urgently) We need to get out of here, okay? There's nothing left for us here, okay? You understand me. (Police sirens wail in the distance and grow louder.) LEO: We've got to go. (Leo takes Piper's hand.) LEO: Come on. (They leave.) FADE OUT. TO BE CONTINUED. (The police sirens continue to wail.) FADE TO BLACK. ========================== END OF EPISODE ========================== TITLE/OPENING CREDITS ========================== CHARMED 8X21: kll BILLIE: VOL. 2 ORIGINAL AIR DATE ON WB: 05/14/2006 TRANSCRIBED FROM WB Starring: ALYSSA MILANO as Phoebe Halliwell ROSE McGOWAN as Paige Matthews and HOLLY MARIE COMBS as Piper KALEY CUOCO as Billie Jenkins BRIAN KRAUSE as Leo Wyatt Created by CONSTANCE M. BURGE Guest Starring MARNETTE PATTERSON as Christy Jenkins ANTHONY CISTARO JAMES READ as Victor Bennett REBECCA BALDING as Elise Rothman LELAND CROOKE RIK YOUNG DONN SWABY DENISE DOWSE SOREN OLIVER STEVEN J. OLIVER and VICTOR WEBSTER as Coop (Cupid) Editor: DEREK BERLATSKY Production Designer: PAUL STAHELI Directory of Photography: JONATHAN WEST, ASC Consulting Producer: JONATHAN LEVIN Co-Producer: CAMERON LITVACK Producer: PETER CHOMSKY Producer: HOLLY MARIE COMBS Producer: ALYSSA MILANO Supervising Producer: JEANNINE RENSHAW Supervising Producer: ROB WRIGHT Co-Executive Producer: JAMES L. CONWAY Produced By: JON PARE Written by: BRAD KERN Directed by: JON PARE ========================== END CREDITS ========================== Executive Producer: BRAD KERN Executive Producer: AARON SPELLING Executive Producer: E. DUKE VINCENT Tonight's Charmed featured music by: * the colour, between earth & sky, promotional consideration furnished by rethink/emi Spelling Television Inc., A CBS Company Executive Story Editor: LIZ SEGAL Associate Producer: LARRY GOLDSTEIN Co Starring: KRISTOPHER SIMMONS as Wyatt #1 JASON SIMMONS as Wyatt #2 Music By: JAY GRUSKA Casting by: KIMBERLY LANSE FOSTER Original Casting by VICTORIA HUFF, C.S.A. Unit Production Manager: DEREK JOHANSEN First Assistant Director: DEREK JOHANSEN Second Assistant Director: VINCENT GONZALES Costume Designer: DANIELA GSCHWENDTNER Camera Operator: KRIS KROSSKOVE 1st Assistant Camera: HAL ARNOLD Chief Lighting Technician: DON LEHMAN Asst. Chief Lighting Technician: COOPER DONALDSON Set Designer: ROLAND HILL Set Decorator: ROBINSON ROYCE, S.D.S.A. Leadperson: MICHAEL ZUFELT Property Master: ROGER MONTESANO Assistant Property Master: SCOTT COCKERELL Script Supervisor: NANCY SOLOMAN Costume Supervisor: CHIC GENNARELLI Dept. Head Key Make-Up Artist: NANETTE NEW Key Make-up artist: ANI MALONEY Key Make-Up Artist: BRET MARDOCK Dept. Head Key Hairstylist: AUDREY FUTTERMAN-STERN Key Hairstylist: BRANDON WAGGONER Sound Mixer: BRETT GRANT-GRIERSON Transportation Coordinator: MARTIN COBLENZ Production Coordinator: RICK NAPOLI Production Accountant: BYRON MACDONALD Script Coordinator: SCOTT LIPSEY First Company Grip: STEVE GAUSCHE 2nd Company Grip: TOM HAM Construction Coordinator: STAR FIELDS Stunt Coordinator: NOON ORSATTI Special Effects Coordinator: RANDY CABRAL Special Effects Shop Coordinator: VINNIE BORGESE Visual Effects Supervisor: STEPHEN LEBED Casting Associate: KAREN P. MORRIS Assistant to Brad Kern: ANDREA CONWAY Assistant to Jon Pare: JENNIFER REES Assistant to the Writers: RICK MULRRAGUL Technical Advisor: JOHN RICHARD TODD Assistant Editor: BRIAN JONASON Music Editor: NINO CENTURION Supervising Sound Editor: JEFF CLARK Music Coordinator: CELEST RAY Re-Recording Mixers: JOSH SCHNEIDER / BRUCE MICHAELS Film and Electronic Laboratory (tm) by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Lenses and Panaflex(R) Camera by PANAVISION(R) Digital Sound Editing and Mixing by LASERPACIFIC MEDIA, a Kodak company Digital Visual Effects by ENCORE VIDEO Executive in Charge of Production: GAIL M. PATTERSON Executive in Charge of Post-Production: KENNETH MILLER This motion picture is protected under the laws of the United States and other countries. Any unauthorized duplication, copying, distribution, exhibition or use may result in civil liability and or criminal prosecution. The places and characters depicted herein are entirely fictitious, and any similarity to any real places or people is purely coincidental. (c) 2006 by Spelling Television Inc., A CBS company. All rights reserved. Country of First Publication: United States of America Spelling Television Inc., is the author of this film / motion picture for the purpose of Article 15(2) of the Berne Convention and all National Laws giving effect thereto. TheWB.com Dated:07/02/2006	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x21 - k*ll Billie V2"}	foreverdreaming
Written by: Jeannine Renshaw Transcribed by: Janelle Hackbarth Season 8, Episode 22 Episode Number: 178 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- [Scene: Phoebe's loft. Piper blows open the door.] Leo: Piper, you gotta keep it down. (Piper gets the Book. Leo turns the lights on. Piper sits down and looks through the Book. Leo opens a cabinet, takes out a bottle, and dabs it on Piper's wounds.) Well, there's nothing in the Book that can fix this. Piper: No, there's gotta be something. Leo: There's not. And they can't undo what's already been done. (He closes the Book.) Are you sure the boys are okay? Piper: I'm sorry you had to come back to this. (She rests her head on Leo's shoulder.) [Scene: Magic School. Billie runs into the black room.] Billie: Dumain. (He turns around.) Good, you're still here. Dumain: Billie, what happened? Where's Christy? Billie: Oh, she-she's gone. Dumain: What about the Charmed Ones? (Billie shakes her head.) Billie: Piper, Piper's the only one left. I don't understand, you said the Hollow would be enough. Dumain: They got it too. They somehow found out you were going to use it against them, so they summoned it too. It must've split, infected you all. Billie: I just want Christy back. Dumain: You might be able to. You've got the power, Billie. You've projected yourself back into the past before, haven't you? When Christy was young, when she was trapped in that cave? Billie: Well, yeah, but I… Dumain: Then why can't you do it again? Only this time you can go back to change what was, to save her. You trust me, don't you? (Billie nods. Dumain smiles. She rests her head on him.) Opening Credits [Scene: Victor's Condo. Victor makes tea and drinks it. There's a knock on the door. He burns his tongue.] Victor: Mmm, damn. (He opens the door to find Piper.) Oh. Piper: Hi, daddy. (They hug.) Victor: Oh, sweetie, I'm so happy to see you. Wow. (Leo steps in.) Leo! Leo: Hey, Victor. Victor: You're back? (They shake hands.) Well, I don't believe it. This is good, right? (He closes the door.) I mean, everything worked out all right? Piper: Um, maybe you should sit down. Victor: No, I don't want to sit down. What happened? What's going on? Piper: Well, Phoebe and Paige, um, they didn't make it. Victor: What? Piper: But it's okay, I mean, I'm gonna fix it. I don't know how, but I'm going to fix it. (Victor sits down.) Leo: Where's Wyatt and Chris? Victor: Uh, sleeping. (Leo leaves.) Piper: We need to, um, take them someplace, where nobody can find them so we can figure this out, do you understand? (Victor shakes his head.) Victor: No. [Cut to Bedroom. Leo sees his sleeping sons.] Victor: How about the rest of the magical community? (Leo comes back.) W-what about that guy, uh, Coop? Piper: How do you know about Coop? Victor: Well, he was here yesterday, looking for Phoebe. Leo: Who's Coop? Piper: Uh, he's a Cupid…who took Phoebe to see her past loves. Victor: So? Piper: So, maybe he can do the same for us. Coop? If you can hear me, I need to talk to you now. (Coop appears.) Coop: Guys, if this is about Phoebe, she's made it very clear to me about the way that she feels so… Piper: Phoebe's dad. Coop: What? Piper: But if you lend me your ring, I think I can go back in time and save her. It can do that, right? I mean, you can go back in time. Coop: Yeah, to follow love but… Piper: Okay, so hand it over. (He gives her the ring.) Okay, what do I do? Uh, how does it work? Coop: You, uh, just think about that person, and, uh…how much you love them. (Piper nods.) I-I gotta tell you, it doesn't always work that way that you want it to, though, cause love, love isn't practical, it's-it's emotional. Piper: That's okay. It's all I've got. Leo: I'm going with you. (He takes her hand.) I'm not losing you again. Coop: Keep it simple. Just follow your heart to one of them. (Piper closes her eyes.) Piper: Phoebe. (They disappear and reappear in a bedroom at the Manor.) This isn't right. (They hear voices and see Past Victor and Patty in bed, kissing. Piper gasps.) Oh, my God. (Patty spots them and gasps.) Patty: Demons! (She sits up and tries to freeze them, but freezes Leo. She clutches the bed sheet.) Past Victor: What happened? Why didn't she freeze? Patty: I don't know. Piper: Probably because I'm your daughter! (She turns away and covers her eyes.) [Cut to stairs. Patty, Piper, Past Victor, and Leo walk down.] Patty: You must be a pretty powerful witch, you know, to be able to come here from the future. Piper: Oh no, it really didn't have to do with me. It was Coop's ring. Past Victor: Who's Coop, a future son? (Patty laughs.) Piper: No dad. Sorry, all girls. Patty: Oh, you mean it's just you and Prue, huh? Leo: Maybe we shouldn't tell them too much. You know, changing the past might change the future. Piper: Well, we've gotta tell them something. I mean, how are we going to figure out why we're here? Coop'll fix it. (She sees her parents holding hands and laughs. Patty laughs.) Patty: What? Piper: I'm just not used to seeing you guys holding hands, let alone… (She points upstairs.) Never mind. (She turns and steps on a stuffed rabbit. It squeals.) Oh. (She picks it up.) Hey, I remember this. How old am I? I mean now, in your time. Past Victor: Almost three. Piper: So Prue would be five, and Phoebe… Patty: Phoebe? Wait, who's Phoebe? Piper: Not born yet. (To Leo) I don't understand how this happened. I was focusing on Phoebe, and it was supposed to take me back to when she would be alive again. Leo: Well, maybe it did, maybe we just over sht it a little bit. Piper: A little? Try thirty years. (Patty puts a hand on her stomach.) Victor: Wait a minute; I'm still a little new with the witch thing. So, what happened? Piper: Well, we were trying to save Phoebe and Paige… Patty: Paige? Do you mean we have another daughter? (Past Victor and Patty smile.) Piper: Yes, mom, you do. Leo: But the point is-is they died…in a huge battle, and we were trying to go back in time to warn them. Piper: But without the Power of Three, we had to use this. (She points at the ring.) Patty: Wait; did you say the Power of Three? Then, that makes you the Charmed Ones, right? (Piper smiles.) And you all came from me? Piper: Well, yes, so… Patty: So, if I'm the mother of the Charmed Ones, and we could find the grandmother, then maybe we'd be able to recreate the Power of Three, at least in theory. Piper: (to Leo) Do you know what she's talking about? Patty: I'm talking about using our family magic…to get you to where you want to go, instead of that silly ring. Could that thing take us to her? I mean your Grams. Because it'd be faster than driving. (Piper hesitates.) Look, you can't come barging in here from the future and tell me that two of my girls are dad without expecting me to help. So? Let's get going! (Patty places herself between them.) Oh, I'll be right back baby. (She kisses Victor. Piper closes her eyes.) Piper: Hmm, Grams. (Past Victor smiles. They appear in the parlor, but it's different.) Leo: What happened? Patty: Where's Victor? (Piper sees the stuffed rabbit on the table is very old.) Piper: Now where are we? Old Woman: (from other room) Triple word score! Old Man: (from other room) Hold it, that's not spelled right. (They go into the conservatory. An old couple sits at a table playing scramble.) Old Woman: Sure it is. Old Man: No, it's not! Old Woman: No? Is that an official challenge? Piper: Uh, excuse me? (The couple sees them.) Old Man: How do you spell Zankou, with a Z or X? Old Woman: That's cheating. Old Man: I'm not asking you, I'm asking…me. (He points at Leo. His jaw drops.) Well? Leo: Z. Old Leo: Ha! Told you. (Old Woman groans and removes her pieces.) Piper: Uh, are you…? Old Leo: The future you and Leo, yeah. (He chuckles.) And we've been expecting you. Old Piper: Yeah, I baked cookies. (A plate of cookies sits on the table. Leo smiles. Patty smiles.) Commercial [Scene: Manor – future. Piper, Leo, and Patty sit on the sofa. Old Piper sits in the chair.] Piper: I just don't understand how… Old Piper: You were aiming for Grams, but you weren't specific enough. So you came to the future, where you're the Grams instead. (She chuckles.) And…here I am. Piper: Wait a minute. I'm a grandmother? Old Piper: Blows your mind, doesn't it? Mom? (Patty chuckles.) Piper: Uh, yeah. (Old Leo enters with a plate and glass of water.) Leo: All right, hold on, I don't understand how you know all this stuff, and how did you know we would come? Old Leo: Because fifty years ago, we were sitting there, where you're sitting, talking to our future selves. Old Piper: That's why we were expecting you. Now, you sure you don't want some cookies? Piper: Uh, no. I think I'd rather have aspirin. Old Leo: Like she said… (He gives Piper the plate with aspirin and the water.) We were expecting you. (He goes and sits next to Old Piper.) You remember when we were them? Oh, kicking butt, fighting demons. Old Piper: Losing you, getting you back, losing you again, aye. Old Leo: And it was all worth it. Old Piper: Oh, you bet. Patty: Oh, that's so sweet! Piper: Mm-hmmm, you know what? I'm just not quite ready for all of this. Besides, we need to get back… Pipers: To save Phoebe and Paige… Old Piper: Right, and the only way you're gonna be able to do that, is if you…. Old Leo: Ah, don't say too much Hon. We don't want them to mess up the future. Piper: Well, isn't it already messed up? Old Leo: Oh, no. Not yet. Oh, and the future is worth saving, believe me. Old Piper: You keep using the ring; focus on who you want to go to with our heart, not with your head. Old Leo: That way you'll get to your Grams, and then to Phoebe and Paige. Patty: But what do we do when we get there? How do we save them? Old Piper: You get rid of the Hollow together. (The ring glows and they appear in the conservatory's past.) Patty: I think we're back in my time. Grams: (from other room) You want another tissue? Little Piper: (from other room) No, I'm okay. (They go to the living room to find Grams sitting with Little Piper.) Grams: Well, you're more than okay, sweetie. You're very, very special and you need to know that. Little Piper: Not as special as Prue, or even Phoebe. Everyone likes Phoebe. Grams: But you're special in your own way, Piper. I mean, you're kind and caring, you're the best little helper I've got. Plus, you are the only one who can keep your sisters from klling each other half the time. (Both Pipers smile.) And you may not know it yet, but you've got gifts. The most—the most amazing gifts, and someday, those gifts are gonna make you even more special. Little Piper: How? Grams: Well, you'll see. (She chuckles and gives Little Piper a hug. Piper smiles.) Now, run on upstairs and play with your sisters, okay? While I make dinner. Little Piper: Okay. (She leaves. Patty brushes Piper's hair.) Patty: You loved your Grams. (Grams stands up.) Grams: Who's there? Patty: It's okay mom. It's just me. Piper: Oh, no. Mom… Grams: Patty? (Patty smiles.) Patty: Mm-hmm. (Grams faints.) Mom! Oh, what happened? (She kneels down to check Grams.) Why'd she faint? Piper: Oh, well, probably because you're dad. [Scene: Magic School.] Dumain: All you need to do is focus on saving your sister, which means focusing on the battle. Let's try again. (Billie sits in a circle of lit candles.) Clear you mind of everything else, from all that has happened since. (Billie closes her eyes.) Let go of the pain of loss, because where you're going that hasn't happened yet. Think only of Christy. See her at your side. You want to save her more than anything else. And that's what you're going to do. That's it. You're almost there. Now go, project yourself back to the Triad. (Billie opens her eyes.) Billie: The Triad? (She stands.) What the hell are you talking about? Are you trying to trick me? Dumain: Wha—no! Of course not! Billie: Then what was that? You said I was going back to see my sister. Dumain: You're right. I should have told you. Billie: Should've told me what? What's going on? Dumain: What's going on is that if you don't go back to warn the Triad about the battle, they won't be able to stop it, which means they'll still be klled and so will your sister! Billie: So, you're saying the Triad was still alive? (Dumain rolls his eyes.) Dumain: More or less. Billie: And you didn't tell me? So you've been manipulating me this entire time, and Christy too? Dumain: Christy understands exactly what is going on. Billie: And what might that be? Dumain: Why don't you go back and ask her yourself? Then maybe you'll understand too. [Cut to Past Manor. Patty tends Grams on the couch. Leo watches. Piper comes with a glass of water.] Piper: How is she? Leo: I think she's coming to. Piper: No, I meant mom. Leo: Oh, I think it's more information overload than anything else. Piper: Yeah, well, welcome to the club. (She sighs.) What's wrong? Leo: Nothing. (Piper smiles.) I just, uh, I was thinking about: after you guys say the spell to get rid of the Hollow. Piper: Well, hopefully it'll work. Leo: Yeah, if it does, it means everyone's gonna come back to life, including Billie and Christy. Piper: Not for long, not if I have my way. Leo: Uh, until you do it means the ultimate battle wouldn't have been fought yet, which means the Angel of Destiny might take me away again until it is. Piper: Listen, all I know is that we will be playing Scrabble in the future, and I'm pretty sure you will be losing. (Leo smiles. Grams wakes up.) Grams: Oh, what happened? Where am I? Patty: You're okay, mom. You just fainted. Grams: Well, of course I fainted. You're dad. Patty: Oh, yeah. I know, they just told me. (Piper and Leo come over.) Piper: Hi. Grams: And who are you? Piper: Well, believe it or not, I am Piper, from the future, and this is my lovely husband Leo from the future as well. Patty: But I'm from the past, obviously. Grams: I need a drink. (She stands.) Patty: Oh, mom. Piper: Okay, Grams, relax. I know this is all very complicated, but we don't have time to explain. Something very bad has happened in the future and we need your help to fix it. Patty: We have to save her sisters, mom. We have to save the Charmed Ones. (Grams sits.) Grams: The Charmed Ones? Patty: Mm-hmm. Grams: You become the Charmed Ones? Piper: Hmm. (She nods. Grams stands up.) Grams: What do we have to do? (Piper smiles.) [Scene: Magic School. Billie sits in the circle of candles.] Billie: Christy…Christy…Christy. (She appears in the past. Billie opens her eyes and stands up to see Past Billie and Christy come down.) Whoa, w-w-w-wait. Past Billie: Who are you? Billie: Well, I'm from the future, I came back to warn you—me, not to do this. No, no, I'm serious, you're gonna get yourself klled. This is not going to work. (Past Billie blasts her. She hits the wall. They leave. Billie groans.) [Cut to downstairs. Past Billie and Christy come downstairs. The Charmed Ones orb in.] Past Billie: We've been waiting for you. Paige: Well, the wait is over. Past Piper: No potions, huh? Christy: We don't need any potions. Phoebe: Funny, neither do we. Past Piper: (to Christy) I knew we shouldn't' have trusted you. Christy: You should've followed your instincts. Past Piper: Next time. Past Billie: There won't be a next time. (Piper, Leo, Patty, and Grams appear in the dining room. The sisters throw power and energy at the other one. Piper opens a piece of paper and she, Patty, and Grams chant the spell. The Hollow leaves. The sisters spot them.) Past Piper: What the—? Piper: Don't ask. You'll get a headache. (Billie comes downstairs. She is sucked into Past Billie. Piper is sucked into Past Piper.) Grams: Now, there's something you don't see every day. Paige: What is going on? Leo: Looks like time caught up with itself. Phoebe: How did everybody get here? Piper: Well, actually you have Coop to thank for that. Christy: (to Billie) What happened, what went wrong? Billie: Not here. (She throws a potion at their feet and they disappear.) Piper: Oh, damn it. Leo: It's okay, at least Phoebe and Paige are alive. Patty: Right, but where's Prue? Piper: Oh, mom. Not now. (A ball of light comes down and the Angel of Destiny appears.) Angel of Destiny: I'm sorry, but I have no choice. Piper: Wait, but I… (She disappears with Leo.) Commercial Break [Scene: Manor. Living room. Phoebe and Paige sit across from Piper, Patty, and Grams sitting on the couch.] Phoebe: Okay, so let me get this straight. Because you guys…altered a key moment in time by saving us… Grams: And the manor. Phoebe: Right, because of all that, what is supposed to happen after this – what? Won't happen? Patty: Exactly, that kind of makes this the new present. Paige: Says the woman from the past. Grams: Though a different past than mine. Phoebe: (to Paige) Are you getting any of this? (Paige sighs.) Paige: Whatever, as long as we're alive again, that's all I care about. Plus, it's really nice to see you guys again. (Patty smiles.) Patty: Actually, we've never met. Paige: Yeah, we have, but you were a ghost. (Patty's face falls.) Oh, does she know? Grams: Yes, yes, we know, we're both dad by now. We're over it. Patty: Well, you speak for yourself. (Piper stands up.) Piper: Okay, the problem is we're still right back to where we started with Leo, and if I'm gonna have that future, that I saw with him… Phoebe: Wait, you went to the future too? Paige: We sure did miss a lot when we were dad. Piper: Anyway, the point is, if I'm gonna get my husband back, we have a battle to finish. Phoebe: And we're gonna have to get mom home safely. Otherwise Paige and I won't be born. Patty: Good point. Paige: Well, fantastic, are there any other problems we should be worrying about? (Future Wyatt and Chris appear.) Phoebe: Wyatt! Piper: Chris. What are you two doing here? Chris: Somebody just screwed up our future. [Scene: Street. Billie and Christy walk down.] Christy: We're gonna need Dumain's help if we're gonna finish what we started. Billie: Haven't you been listening to me? He's been manipulating us, probably since we met him. Christy: If we could just get to the Hollow sooner this time… Billie: Christy, listen. Christy: Figure out a way. Billie: What is the matter with you? Dumain is using us, okay? And he's not the only one, the Triad is also. Yes, that's right, they're still alive, or they were, but Dumain didn't tell us that did he? Instead he tried to trick me into saving them instead of you. Christy: Well, maybe you should've listened to him. Billie: What? Christy: The Triad could've helped us figure out how to kll the sisters if they were still around. Billie: Okay, look at me, listen to me very carefully. They don't care about us. They have twisted everything. They're using us, Christy. They're using us for our powers, our sisterhood, and our lives so all we can do is kll. Christy: And that's exactly what we're going to do, Billie. We're going to kll. Billie: Well I can't do it. I won't. Christy: Then I'll do it on my own. (She leaves.) Billie: Christy! [Scene: Manor.] Chris: I mean, we don't know what happened. One minute everything's fine. We're kicking demon ass, and… Wyatt: Actually, I was kicking some demon ass… (Chris scoffs and shakes his head. Grams points at them.) Grams: Watch your language. Chris: Sorry, Grams. Wyatt: Wait, Grams? As in the Grams? (Chris nods.) Chris: Yeah. (Grams smiles.) Patty: Uh, confused. Are these my future grandkids or yours? Phoebe: No, yours. (Patty smiles.) Patty: Oh, hi. (Chris and Wyatt smile and wave back.) Piper: As you were saying. Wyatt: Suddenly, in the middle of all the fighting, everything changed. Chris: And the demons started kicking our ass-butts… (Grams nods.) Butts, just because Wyatt here lost his powers. Piper: Wait, how did you loose your powers? Wyatt: That's the thing. We don't know. Chris: So we cast a spell to take us back to when they were lost, and it took us here. To you. (Wyatt nods.) Patty: Maybe we messed up something without realizing it. Grams: Well, with all the jumping around we've done, it's a wonder everything's not messed up. Piper: No, it's gotta be Billie and Christy. They used the Hollow to steal his powers. I'm gonna kll them. (Phoebe shakes her head.) Paige: Well, before you do that, we need to get Wyatt's powers back. Otherwise there's not going to be any future to save. Phoebe: Well, I think the only way to do that is go back and stop them. Grams: But how do we know exactly when to go back to? Wyatt: I'll know, or at least I'm hoping little Wyatt might jog my memory. Piper: Well, he's at dad's. I mean, grandpa's. Um, do you remember how to get there? (Chris nods.) Chris: Yeah, absolutely. (Patty smiles and stands.) Patty: I'll go, too. Phoebe: Um, but dad's gonna be there. Patty: I know. I miss him. Besides, I'm dying to know what he looks like at this age. Whoo. Piper: She, uh, doesn't know. Grams: Apparently I hadn't chased him away yet. Patty: What are you talking…? (Patty groans.) What don't I know? Piper: All right, everybody go, but just, you know, hurry back if you find anything. (Patty smacks Grams, then joins the boys. Coop appears.) Coop: (to Piper) Hey. (He spots Phoebe.) Phoebe. Phoebe: Hi. Coop: Thanks a lot for telling me she's alive. (Piper hands Coop's ring.) Piper: You're welcome. Wyatt: Uncle Coop! (Chris whacks Wyatt on his arm. Wyatt gasps and covers his mouth.) Phoebe: Uncle Coop? (Wyatt groans.) Piper: What? (Coop shrugs. Phoebe stutters. Piper claps her hands.) All right, everybody out, go! (Wyatt and Chris hold Patty and orb out. Piper stands up.) Okay, let's go to the condo, and get to the Book. (Grams stands up.) Grams: Wait for me. Coop: Wai… (Paige orbs them out.) [Scene: Victor's Condo. Victor makes tea and drinks it. There's a knock on the door. He burns his tongue.] Victor: Mmm, damn. (He opens the door and finds Patty there. He screams.) Patty: Oh, surprise! (She jumps into his arms and gives him a hug.) Oh my—oh, goodness! Oh, you're just as handsome as you ever were. (Wyatt and Chris step in.) Victor: W-w-what's going on? Chris: Hey Gramps, how you doing? Victor: Chris! (He smiles and they hug.) Uh, what are you doing here? Wyatt: Hey Grandpa, how you doing? (Wyatt gives him a hug.) Patty: Now, this is our grandson, Wyatt. Oh! So handsome. Victor: But I-I'm-I'm, I'm, I'm-I'm so confused. Patty: Yeah, you'll get over it. I did. Victor: Where did you came from? Patty: 1975. How do I look? Victor: Didn't anyone tell her we're divorced? Patty: What? (She sees Wyatt trying to signal Victor to stop.) Victor: You dumped me for your Whitelighter. Patty: Oh, Sam? Victor: Yeah, Sam, Paige's father. Chris: Listen Gramps, we're in a bit of a jam. Where's little Wyatt? Victor: He's in the other room, with uh, with you. Wyatt: Thanks. (Chris and Wyatt leave. Victor gives Patty a hug.) Victor: Oh, come on, Patty. It's all right. It was a long time ago. [Scene: Magic School. Dumain talks to Christy.] Dumain: What do you mean Billie's not coming? We need her. Christy: We can defeat the Charmed Ones without her. Dumain: No, we can't. We need the Triad to do that, and we need her power to go back and save them. Christy: Well, maybe there's another way. [Scene: Phoebe's Condo. Piper tosses something into the pot. Grams and Paige are there.] Grams: Mm, that's not nearly enough. Here, let me do it. (She pushes Piper out of the way.) Piper: Wha—I think I know how to do it, after all this time. (Grams add something in.) Paige: It's Billie and Christy, they're not demons. Grams: Well, they might as well be, from everything you've told me, which means we can't take any chances. Oh, I can't get over how big this Book has gotten, hmm. I'm so proud of you girls. Piper: Then why don't you let me stir? (There's a knock at the door.) Grams: Uh, Piper, why don't you get that? Piper: Paige, why don't you get that? Paige: Okay, I'll get that. (She goes to the door and opens it to find Henry there.) Paige: Hey! What are you doing here? Henry: What am I doing here? (She hugs him.) I'm looking for my wife. She didn't come home last night. Are you okay? Paige: Yes, I'm okay. Of course I'm okay. I mean, weren't okay, okay. But now we're okay…and I think in the future we're gonna be… (She nods.) I think we're gonna be more than okay. (Henry stares.) Henry: Okay. [Cut to living room.] Grams: Don't tell me she marries a Whitelighter, too. Piper: Worse, a mortal. Grams: Oh, good God, uh. Didn't I teach you girls anything? Piper: Hey, what can I say? There's always Uncle Coop. (She motions to the bedroom.) [Cut to bedroom. Phoebe and Coop are talking.] Phoebe: I really should be out there helping them. Coop: No, not until we talk. Phoebe: Look there are lives at stake here, and… Coop: And so is love, ours. I let you kick me out of here yesterday. I'm not doing it again today. And you know why? Because I love you, Phoebe Halliwell. (He put his hands on her shoulders.) With all of my heart, with every fiber my being, I love you. Now I've found love for thousands of people all over the world, but I have never found love for myself, not until now. Until you. And I-I-I know you feel the same way, because I can see it, I know what loves looks like. And I am not letting this get away from us, Phoebe. Phoebe: Apparently not, Uncle Coop. Coop: Yeah. Phoebe: Look. I don't know what you want me to do with this information. I mean, we haven't even been out on a date yet, and I don't know how to get past the whole forbidden love thing. I just… Piper: (from other room) Phoebe? Phoebe: I'm-I have to go. I will call you, when we need the ring back. (She sighs. Phoebe leaves. Coop sighs. Dumain shimmers in and grabs Coop's arm.) Dumain: Nice ring. Can I borrow it? (They shimmer out.) [Scene: Manor. Living room. Grams, with the Book, and the sisters orb in.] Paige: Okay, all we need to do now is find Billie and Christy. (Billie steps in.) Billie: You don't have to look far. Can we talk? Commercial Break [Scene: Manor.] Billie: Look. I am so sorry for what I've done to you guys, after everything you've done for me. I just wanted my sister back so badly. I couldn't even see that she was manipulating me. Piper: Well, that's very convenient, but how are supposed to know this isn't a trap? (Billie shakes her head.) Paige: Guess we have to let her talk. Phoebe: Where's Christy? Billie: I don't know. Probably at Magic School trying to figure out a way to kll you. Grams: But you're not. Billie: No. No. That was before. (Grams puts the Book down.) They twisted everything to make us think we were doing the right thing. Piper: Who? Billie: The Triad. They used us. They used Christy. They have spent the last fifteen years turning her into a kller. That's all they've cared about that's all they've wanted. Phoebe: We've already vanquished the Triad. Billie: Well, Dumain will try and find a way to bring them back. I know it. Paige: Who's Dumain? Billie: He's a demon, but he knows them better than anyone, and with Christy…they will stop at nothing. Wyatt: (from another room) Mom, are you here? Piper: Keep and eye on her. (She goes to the conservatory. Wyatt and Chris are there. The others follow.) Piper: Where's mom? I mean, grandma? Wyatt: She wanted to stay with grandpa to talk. Grams: Well, that had better be all that they're doing. Piper: What did you find? Chris: Well, Grandpa said that someone came and picked up little Wyatt, just before five in the afternoon yesterday. Wyatt: Some man, but that's all I could go out of him. Phoebe: Wait, what man? Billie: Dumain. He brought Wyatt to Christy and me to summon the Hollow. Paige: And then you stole his powers. Billie: We were being infected. We didn't have a choice. Piper: You used my son? Grams: That is all in the past, dear. Now let's just focus…on how to fix it now, okay? Phoebe: Okay, so we have to go back in time to the day Dumain took Wyatt. Billie: No, we have to go before that. I know him. He's gonna warn the Triad before you can vanquish them. Paige: Then you have to get the ring. Phoebe: Coop? Coop? We need you. (Nothing happens.) Something's wrong. (Chris and Wyatt sighs.) Piper: What? Chris: The Elders sent Coop down to you, Phoebe, not just to help you find love, but to help you find him. Wyatt: They were hoping you'd fall in love with a Cupid. It was the only way that they could make it up to you after everything you sacrificed. Chris: And they weren't gonna put you through what mom and dad went through, so… Wyatt: It wasn't and it will not be a forbidden love. Phoebe: Okay. Uh—I don't know how that information helps us right now. Wyatt: Well, in the future, when you're together, you guys are like one. Chris: All you have to do is think about him and he's there. (Phoebe closes his eyes. Coop appears, groaning in pain.) Phoebe: Oh, my God. What happened? (Wyatt and Phoebe help Coop up.) Coop: I fought him for as long as I could. Phoebe: Okay, who did this to you? Coop: Some demon. I'm sorry he, uh, he took my ring. Billie: We're too late. They're going back in time. But I can too. [Scene: Magic School, Black room. Past Dumain is talking to the Triad. Dumain and Christy appear.] Asmodeus: What? Dumain: My lords. We come from the future to warn you about it. The Charmed Ones are going to get the Hollow at the same time Billie and Christy will. Christy: Which means we've gotta get to it before they do this time. (The Charmed Ones and Billie appear.) Dumain: Get out of here! (The Charmed Ones throw potions at them, vanquishing them.) Dumain: Noooo! Piper: Oh, yes. (Piper blows up Dumain. Christy gasps and steps back. Past Dumain is about to shimmer out, but Piper blows him up.) Christy: I don't understand! How could this happen? Phoebe: Billie projected us here. Paige: By focusing on you. Piper: Paige. Paige: Ring! (Coop's ring orbs to her.) Christy: How could you? Billie: Christy, please. It's over. Just come home. (Christy throws a fireball at them. Billie deflects it back to Christy. She's vanquished. Billie falls to her knees and cries.) Commercial [Scene: Manor, Conservatory. Grams paces. The Charmed Ones appears.] Grams: Oh, thank God. Piper: Is everything all right? Did anything change that wasn't supposed to? Wyatt: Nope. (He orbs to Piper.) I got my powers back. Piper: I see that. Chris: Now, where's Billie? Paige: She used her own power to get back. Coop: But she at least tried to help out, right? I mean, tried to make amends at least. Phoebe: Yeah. (The Angel of Destiny appears with Leo. He and Piper exchange a smile.) Piper: Okay, hang on a second. You're not gonna take him away again right? Angel of Destiny: No, this is the way the battle was supposed to end all along, and it's over. Congratulations. (She disappears. Leo takes Piper's hand.) Piper: (to Leo) Hi, there. (He pulls her into a kiss. Everyone cheers and applauds.) Phoebe: Yay! (Coop opens his arms. He and Phoebe kiss. Piper and Leo hug and laugh. Patty and Victor enter with little Wyatt and little Chris.) Patty: Did we miss anything? Piper: Uh, no. Well, we…changed the past, fixed the future, and saved the present. That's all. Victor: What's that? Paige: Yeah. If you haven't figured it out by now, ya probably won't. Phoebe: Oh, it doesn't matter. Just as long as everything's back to the way it's supposed to be. Grams: It will be if you get us back. I mean otherwise, uh… Paige: How are we gonna get them back? Coop: Oh, I can take care of that. Phoebe: Yeah, but how will you know where to take them back to? Coop: Well, the ring will. (to Piper) If I can ever get it back. (He winks. Piper rolls her eyes and throws the ring at Coop. He catches it and laughs.) Chris: Just make sure you return them just before they were taken. That way they won't remember anything. (Chris groans.) Grams: Oh, no, don't-don't do that. I mean, there are so many things, wonderful things that I just don't want to forget, you know. (She giggles. Chris shakes his head.) Patty: There's just as much I don't ever want to know. (She sighs.) Like what happened to Prue. Victor told me. Piper: Oh, mom. Patty: That's all right. I know everything happens for a reason. I believe that. I also know that when one door closes another one opens. Victor: (to Patty) Thank you for coming by. Patty: Anytime. (Victor kisses her forehead. Piper and Leo kiss. Paige hugs Patty. Chris gives Grams a hug. Victor hugs Piper. Wyatt hugs Leo. Coop, Phoebe, Grams, and Chris go in a group hug. Leo hugs Victor. Everyone laughs and mixes.) [Scene: Manor. Dinning room. Phoebe and Paige sit there. Piper comes downstairs and puts the Book on the table.] Paige: Don't tell me we have to go fight a demon. Piper: No, I don't think we'll have to do that anytime soon. Phoebe: Then what's with the Book? Piper: Well, I think we should write everything down. Everything that happened, everything we want future generations to know, so that we can pass it down, just like it was passed down to us. (Phoebe smiles. Paige nods.) Paige: After you. (Piper turns the Book. Phoebe finds a blank page and uncaps a pen, then writes.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) So much has happened over the last eight years. So much has been gained and lost. Still, in some ways, I feel like my life is really just beginning. [Scene: Magic School, future. The Angel of Destiny is marrying Phoebe and Coop with the family around.] Angel of Destiny: Do you, Phoebe Halliwell, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband? Phoebe: I do. Phoebe: (Voice Over) And it was. For though I had loved before, I'd never really known love until I met Coop. (She and Coop kiss.) [Scene: Phoebe's loft. Phoebe, pregnant, rushes out with Coop.] Phoebe: (Voice Over) A man who I shared this special little girl… Phoebe: Yes, I am okay. (Coop picks up a bag.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) I had long ago foreseen, but feared I might have never have. (Two girls run and hug her.) Daughters: Mommy, we love you! Phoebe: I love you too. (She kisses their heads. Coop joins them.) Phoebe: (Voice Over) Along with two other special little girls, I had not foreseen. (The girls go to Billie as Phoebe and Coop rush out. Phoebe drops something, but Coop picks it up.) I was suddenly so blessed to have a new family of my own, and old friends to share it with. (Billie hugs the girls and they wave.) Daughter: Bye, mommy! [Scene: Bay Mirror. Phoebe types on her computer.] Phoebe: (Voice Over) And though I kept working and giving advice to those who asked, I was more interested in helping them find love, since, finally, having been loved. (Her poster behind her says Phoebe's ‘Finding Love.') [Cut to Manor, Present. Dining room. Paige writes in the Book of Shadows.] Paige: (Voice Over) Phoebe had become somewhat of an expert on the subject. As for me? Life without demons opened up similar avenues. [Scene: Police Station, Future. Henry brings in a teen.] Paige: (Voice Over) Henry of course, continued to look after his parolees, even if they didn't want to be looked after… (Henry sees Paige and the kids, a boy and two girls.) While still making time to help me with little Henry and the twins. (He kneels down and the kids hug him. They squeal with delight.) Henry: There's my girls! Paige: (Voice Over) Which allowed me time to finally embrace my inner Whitelighter. [Scene: Alley. A Darklighter fires a crossbow at Paige as a woman cowers behind her.] Paige: Arrow! (She orbs it back to the Darklighter and he is vanquished. Paige helps the girl up.) Paige: (Voice Over) And to help the next generation of witches come into their own. [Cut to Manor, Present. Piper writes.] Piper: (Voice Over) So that Paige could pass on all that she'd learned, not just to her own children, or to mine, or to Phoebe's… [Scene: Manor, future. Piper and Leo are in the parlor. Piper hands out lunch bags to two boys and a girl.] Piper: See you later. (The children leave. Piper and Leo kiss.) Piper: (Voice Over) But to other future witches and Whitelighters as well. [Scene: Manor. Chris and Wyatt are mixing up a potion.] Piper: (Voice Over) Which filled the time between when we were doing the fighting, and when our kids were old enough to take over. (Chris adds something and there's a small explsin.) [Scene: Manor, kitchen. Piper is cooking something on the stove.] Piper: (Voice Over) Allowing me time to get back to my roots and cook something other than potions, for once. (Piper tastes the sauce.) And open the restaurant I'd always dreamed of owning. (She puts the spoon down and pours it in.) As for Leo, after we reclaimed Magic School… [Scene: Magic School. Leo is teaching.] Piper: (Voice Over) He went back to teaching. Leo: So who'd like to try it first? (The kids raise their hands. Leo points to a boy. The boy holds out his hand and orbs a book to him.) Piper: (Voice Over) Which he continued to do until it was time to retire. Leo: Awesome. Great job, Matthew. (He takes the book.) Piper: (Voice Over) And although we certainly had our struggles… [Scene: Manor, Living room, future. Old Piper sits in a chair with a girl, reading the Book of Shadows.] Old Piper: And heartaches over the years, we're a family of survivors and we will always be. Which is why we've truly been Charmed. Girl: Again, Grandmamma, again. (Old Piper chuckles and closes the Book.) Old Piper: Oh, dear. No, I can't. I need to rest. But you can look at it for a little while if you'd like, hmmm? (She kisses her head and stands up. Old Leo waits nearby.) After all, it'll be yours one day. (She takes Leo's hand and they head upstairs. Girl opens the Book.) [Cut to stairs. Old Leo and Old Piper head up as photos are shown of Wyatt, Chris, Leo, Piper, Grams, Patty, Victor, and the sisters.] [Cut to front door. It opens and children run in. Girl waves her hand after they come in and the door is closed.] End	{"type": "series", "show": "Charmed", "episode": "08x22 - Forever Charmed"}	foreverdreaming
Glenn: Who am I? "Me Glenn." What? [ Groans ] Ow! [ Cries ] [ All screaming ] [ Indistinct shouting ] Valerie: Hey! You with the hat! Help us! Catch! Blake: No! Valerie: Hyah! [ Mid-tempo music plays ] Sy: Doctors, as you know, a new tattoo parlor has opened across the street. Glenn: Yeah, kids are getting tatted up like prisoners. Lola: Or top chefs, especially season 9. Sy: They're giving their first-time customers kiddie tattoo kits. Parents are outraged. We're gonna fight back. Laser tattoo removal. The more that these kids make wrong life choices, the more we help them right those wrongs-- well, for a small fee. So, it's really a lose/win/win. Carry on. Glenn: What's up? I asked for the name of my band, "Blackout," but they put the word "pancakes" instead. Lola: Well, I've never heard of blackout, and I love pancakes, so... [ coughs ] Lola: Uh, are you taking any medications? I...Don't know. Lola: Are you allergic to anything? I don't remember. Lola: Okay, come on, Preston. I don't have time for you to be a douche. Glenn: Wait a second. Isn't 11 years old too young to be douchey? I'd like to order a brain scan. And some pancakes. Blake: Hello, val. Or should I say, "Que pasa"? Valerie: No, I'm not. Blake: Damn it! Valerie: Blake, if I ever go out with you, please lock me up, because it means that I have lost my mind. Blake: I hope you do lose your mind someday, val. And I will be there, and I will not lock you up, unless that's what crazy val likes. Where you going? Glenn: Check this out. This is a normal brain scan. And this is Preston's. Green means good, red means bad. This scan is textbook. Lola: [ Muffled ] Amnesia! Son of a bitch, the kid's got amnesia. Glenn: Come on. Did you take his blood pressure? I don't remember. Glenn: Wait a second. Nurse Dori, what's your name? I'm guessing from the context of your question, it's "Nurse Dori," but I don't remember. [ Coughs ] Lola: It's gone airborne. Glenn: Nurse Dori, Preston, you stay here. Do not leave this room, okay? This room is quarantined. And I got your pancakes. Wait, wait, wait, wait! No, no, no! [ Air hissing ] [ Both coughing ] Owen: Blood pressure looks good. Let's begin. [ Coughing ] Owen: Scalpel. Scalpel? [ Coughs ] Chief: Scalpel? Owen: Did I say that? Chief: Yes. Owen: Wait, what are we doing here? Is this -- is this a restaurant? Chief: Oh, my God. I'm not eating this! Owen: Oh! Chief: This steak is completely raw. What kind of sick, twisted restaurant is this? Owen: We are gonna destroy them on yelp! Lola: Sy, we're dealing with airborne amnesia here. Glenn: We could have a hospital pandemic on our hands. Sy: Let's stay calm. We need a plan. We're gonna put the hospital on lockdown. I think you two can be in charge of that. Glenn: Right. Lola: Okay. Sy: I, on the other hand, am gonna make sure that my panic room... [ beeping ] ...is secure, sterile, and fully stocked. Everything is good on my end. I feel like you two are dragging on your end. Stick to the plan. Lola: Glenn, what if we get airborne amnesia? Glenn: I have an idea. Blake: [ Breathing deeply ] So do I have an idea. Where is val? Valerie: [ Coughs ] Blake: Uh, hey. Uh, hey, val. How's your mind feel today? Valerie: You know who I am? Blake: Yes, I'm a doctor. Dr. Blake downs. Valerie: Oh, doctor! Why didn't you say so? Blake: I just did say so. Valerie: I love doctors. Blake: I'm one. Owen: What if we are the last two people on earth? Chief: Were we preparing to eat this person to survive? I'm gonna write God such a letter. Owen: Babe, we don't have time for letters right now. We need nourishment. Pass me the salt. Chief: I can't eat a kid. Owen: Now, you listen to me. I would want you to eat me, if it meant surviving. Plus, it'd be kind of cool to come out of you as poo. Chief: Wait! But what if I'm a vegan? Owen: Damn it! [ Sobs ] If we're not gonna eat this person, then I'm gonna at least put a baby inside of you to help our species survive. Chief: But take it slow because I might be a virgin. Owen: Fingers crossed. Blake: Yup. Textbook amnesia. Thank you, God. Valerie: Am I gonna be okay, Dr. clown? Blake: Yeah, val, you're gonna be fine. And listen, call me Blake, okay? Because, uh...I'm your boyfriend. That's right. And feel free to make love with me at any time. Valerie: Okay. That sounds great. I mean, I don't know a lot about myself, but I do know that I have an insatiable sexual appetite. Blake: [ Laughing ] I do not know how to react to that. Glenn: We need these tattoos in case we lose our memories. Lola: [ Groans ] "Me Lola"? Glenn: I don't know. I was just trying to think of the simplest way to identify you. Lola: [ Coughs ] Oh, God. I think I'm getting it, too. Glenn: No! Lola: Oh, I can feel my memories slipping away. Aaaaaand...they're gone. Hi. Are you my waiter? We all have amnesia! Who's in charge here? Valerie: We have amnesia? Blake: Yeah, everybody has amnesia except for me. Clowns can't get amnesia, though we would like to forget Cirque du Soleil. Everyone, to answer your question, I am in charge here. Okay? Because I am the king of this hospital -- King Dr. Blake Downs of Childrens Hospital. Valerie: Oh, the only thing that gets me hotter than a doctor is a doctor who is also a king. We all have amnesia! Who's in charge here?! Blake: [ Groans ] Valerie: We have amnesia? Blake: Yes! Glenn: But we were wearing masks. How could we get the virus? Wait a second. You and that boy with the pancakes tattoo, you both were exposed to this ink. There's got to be a connection. This ink is the source of the virus. Don't worry. Lola, I'll remember who we are, and I promise I'll save us. I'll save us. Owen: Oh! Chief: Whoo! Oh, boy. Whoo! You must have done that before. Owen: Clearly, you have, too. There was some wiggle room up in there. [ Chuckles ] Oh, what's this? Oh, God, wait a second. We're not the last two people on earth. Chief: What? Owen: We're in surgery. We must be surgeons. Chief: I gave you all of me for nothing? Bastard! Owen: We don't have time for slapping. I got to take out this kid's gallbladder. Quick, what's a gallbladder? Blake: You, you're in charge of snacks and drinks, so go get me something to eat and something to wash it down with. You, you'll be my lawyer, but a friend, too -- one I can confide in, you know? You, you'll be my bodyguard. Guard my body using your body. [ Growls ] Whoa! Valerie: Such power. Blake: You like that? Valerie: Yeah. Blake: [ Chuckles ] Yeah. Yeah. Glenn: If only there was a way I could make this amnesia virus forget that it was amnesia. Wait, that's it! Give the amnesia...amnesia! [ Chuckles ] It turned green. For all intents and purposes, the color green means "antidote." Blake: Glenn! Glenn: Blake, you recognize me. Great. I found a cure. I need you to help me administer the antidote. Blake: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, of course. Uh, hold on one second, okay? You're gonna love this. Val, open your mouth. Val just let me stick my finger in her mouth. This is a world I want to live in forever. Glenn: [ Gagging ] Blake: [ Sighs ] Glenn: [ Coughs ] [ Groans ] Glenn: Bodyguarder! Get rid of this. Glenn: W-why? Wait, who am I? Aaah! Blake: You did it. Take him away to the closet. [ Gasps ] Hey, who's that? Is that your girlfriend? Hey. That's my girlfriend. It says so right here. Blake: You doth speak to the king in this way? [ Chuckles ] Be off with you! Valerie: How do we know you're really a king? Hey, boyfriend whose name I don't know, k*ll him. Blake: No, no! Aaah! [ Feedback on TV ] Sy: The plan wasn't to get dragged into the closet, Glenn! Glenn: Who am I? [ All screaming ] Valerie: Help us! Catch! Blake: No! Sy: Glenn, the plan was that I would play in my panic room while you two held down the fort, not play with test tubes! Blake: No! [ Air hisses ] Owen: I'm so sorry. I couldn't find your gallbladder. Chief: Wait a minute. I'm remembering. We already took out his gallbladder. Owen: Oh, yeah. That's right. I suddenly remember everything! Oh. Chief: Oh, yeah. That's right, baby. You was all up in these guts. Okay? Valerie: Oh, you beautiful baby. Lola: Oh, what a day, huh? This is one of the craziest Tuesdays I have had all week. Glenn: Hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Both: Pancakes! Glenn: Hey, Sy. We did it! Thanks to you! Lola: Yeah. Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Sy: Well, no one told me you had to call the sanitation department and pay them to come and pick up toxic waste. I have an idea. Hey. We're all out of ink. I'm just gonna use some of the old needles that we threw away. I'm gonna run out and grab some breakfast. You want? Yeah, yeah. Grab me some pancakes. Give me the name of my band -- "Blackout."[/i]	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x01 - Boy with the Pancakes Tattoo"}	foreverdreaming
Blake: Oh, man, you were great in there, Owen. Owen: Tell me something that I don't know. Blake: Okay. Uh...I play upright bass for the Barenaked Ladies. Owen: That's you? Blake: [ Laughing ] Yeah. Owen: Oh! Sal: Cut loose, footloose, both feet lose, in fact. Kick off your Sunday shoes and put on your Thursday shoes because the staff dance is tonight -- Thursday. Valerie: Yes! I love dancing. I mean give me a 6/8 time signature and my feet just start flying. Dori: Really? Valerie: Yeah. Dori: I'm more of 12/8 type, you know, doo-wop, jigs. Valerie: Really? Dori: Yeah. Valerie: What about a 3/4, boop-bah-bah, boop-bah-bah. Dori: Oh, yeah. Valerie: What about you, Lola? If you were a time signature, which one would you be? Lola: Zero-over-zero. I'm a terrible dancer. Valerie: You know, I once knew a girl in college who didn't know how to dance. Lola: Yeah? Valerie: She died of a skin disease. Was there a connection? I'd like to think so. Lola: Oh. Well, have a good time tonight, you guys, 'cause I'm not going. Valerie: What about you, chief? Chief: Oh, I can't go to the dance. It doesn't start until 7:00 and the rapture is happening at 6:00, so I'll be dancing, but in Christ's heavenly kingdom by then. Probably nude. Chet: Breaker, breaker. Childrens Hospital, this is the Bearded Clam. Sy: Uh, h-hello, Bearded Clam. Uh, this is Sy. How are you? Okay. Okay. Um... uh, Bearded Clam, 10-4. This is the Boston strangler. Chet: Wait. That's your handle? Sy: Well, it's a long story. Let's just say I lived in Boston in the '60s, and I'm smarter than the police. What can I do for you? Chet: I got a 16-year-old needs emergency heart surgery. [ Engine stops ] Uh-oh. Sy: "Uh-oh." What does that mean, "Uh-oh?" Chet: I'm out of gas! I'm not gonna make it. Sy: All right. Well, how close are you? Chet: 10, maybe 20 yards. It's hard to tell. Sy: How long would it take you to run to the nearest gas station, get a gas can, fill it with gas, run back, and pour it into the ambulance? Chet: With my asthma? Too long. Sy: Then you're gonna have to perform this operation on your own, Chet. Chet: What?! No! No, I'm a paramedic, I -- Sy: You're whatever God needs you to be. And right now, she needs you to be a top-notch heart surgeon. Sal: Attention, staff. I'm doing air quotes as I say this. Owen: Excuse me. Can I help you? [ Gasps ] You're international pop superstar Madonna! Madonna: The one and only. Owen: What brings you to our little hospital, Madonna? Madonna: You know how doctors are always the unsung heroes. I want to make them the sung heroes by singing about them. So I guess I'm here for a little inspiration. Owen: Well, allow me to give you the V.I.P. tour, Madonna. Madonna: All right. Owen: Oh, Madonna. I have always wanted to ask you, what is Michael Jackson like? Madonna: Well, off-camera, he was surprisingly fat. Glenn: Hey, Lola. Lola: Hey. Glenn: I heard about your "dilemon." Well, how about we make some "dilemonade?" You don't have to miss out. I can teach you how to dance. Lola: You can do that by tonight? Glenn: Watch this. Oh, here we go. Turn around. Lola: Whaa! What! How did... Glenn: Hey. Meet me in the hospital dance rehearsal room in an hour. We got work to do. Lola: Oh. Sy: All right, if I understand how these things go, the first thing you need is something to cut with. Chet: Nothing like that here. Oh, wait! I've got an idea. Sy: Now, you'll need something to sterilize with. Chet: I've got some wite-out and a trojan extra ribbed condom. Mommy said I'd never get a chance to use this. I guess mommy can burn in hell. I'm the man who's gonna save your life!! Don't be scared!! Owen: See, Madonna, there's tons of inspiring stuff in a hospital. Take these elevators -- I can think of plenty of things that rhyme with elevator -- calculator, smell ya later, alligator. Madonna: Mm, what else? Owen: Space invde, decorator. Valerie: Oh, God. Is that Madonna with Owen? Chief: Yes, it is. And you and she can share a room in hell, unless you accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior within the next three hours. [ Upbeat music plays ] Glenn: No. No, no, no! Not so controlled. attck it! attck it! attck it! Seduce us! Damn it! Lola: I don't know! Glenn: Turn around. Lola: Whaa! Whoa! Whoa! No! That's not what I signed on for! Is that even dance? Glenn: Are you questioning me? I studied at the Alvin Ailey dance company for 16 years. Lola: Really? Glenn: rcist! I'm not gonna dignify that with an answer, but I did and you are a rcist. Lola: I'm sorry. I just -- you're right. It's just -- God, dance is as foreign to me as Mario Andretti. Glenn: Racer. I'm not even gonna dignify that with a response, but I will -- He is a racecar driver. Lola, listen to me. I know it's hard, but you got to trust me on this. Relax. This is all part of the dance. Lola: Okay. Glenn: All right. Lola: Oh. Yeah, okay. Yeah. That's all part of the dance. Chet: Listen, I got the chest open, but I ht a road block at the rib cage. Sy: All right, you need something that says bone saw or rib spreader. Chet: Alls I've got is the bone saw and rib spreader that God gave me. Glenn: And one and two, and one and two, and one and I want to make love to you right now. Lola: What are you doing? Glenn: It's called an adagio. These are basic dance moves that include speaking the line "I want to make love to you right now." Maybe you're not ready for this staff dance. Lola: I'm sorry I wasted your time. Glenn: Wastist! Lola: No, Glenn! Wait! I-I was scared. Please, don't give up on me. I was ready to give up, but then I saw you rip off those warmers and I just -- Glenn: Shh. Now that you're ready to work, as a dancer... Lola: Mm-hmm. Glenn: ...I want you to insert this diaphragm. And as a dancer, try not to make it all weird. Chief: [ Laughs ] Oh, my gosh! Here we go. Okay, three, two, one. I'm ready, Jesus! Jesus? Ready. [ Sighs ] Aww, nuts. Sy: Have you gotten through the rib cage yet? Chet: [ Grunts ] Oh, whoopsie! Looks like I got through a while ago. Sy: Well done, Bearded Clam. You're great. Valerie: Here you go, Chet. Chet: Oh, thanks, val. Valerie: 'Cause I thought you'd be thirsty. Chet: Whoo! Got to get this finished in time to take a shower before the big dance. So I can dance with chief. Valerie: Well, I've already had a shower, so if you want, I can do this? Chet: Oh, you know what? That would be great. Valerie: I'm also a trained heart surgeon, so that works. Chet: Oh, very cool. Okay. Let me get out of your way. Valerie: All right. Chet: Good luck. Valerie: Thanks. Lola: Whoo, yeah. I think I've got the hang of it. Thanks, Glenn. Dancing sure makes me feel... Relaxed. Glenn: Well, it does do that. Oh, and one other note. You don't have to call out "Oh, God!" at the end of every dance. No, you can just shout out anything you want. Lola: Okay. Glenn: Just don't use the "N" word, that's my thing. Lola: Okay. Madonna: Nothing, nothing. I give up. I don't have my song. Owen: Aw. Madonna: I guess I just have to accept the fact that I'm another 100-ht wonder. Dori: Can we get a hand over here?! Owen: What is it? Valerie: All right, give me 50cc of propylene glycol. Owen: Madonna? Dori: Do you think he's gonna make it, Dr. Flame? Owen: You see something, girl? Valerie: I don't know, Dori. We never know, do we? We just do our best. Owen: Did you see something, Madonna? Valerie: We're just people behind these masks. People behind these masks. Madonna: People behind these masks. That's it. I have my song. Owen: Did you see a situation that inspired you? [ Upbeat music plays ] Have you seen Glenn and Lola dancing? Dori: No. Owen: They're amazing! Dori: [ Gasps ] Wow! Lola: Wow, I'm so relieved that we hired look-alikes to dance for us. Glenn: That's not dancing. ♪ Tell me, what you gonna do ♪ ♪ when love's on your door... ♪ Sy: Hi. I thought you were gonna change and shower. Chet: I did. Sy: Well, the chief is right over there. Go get her. Chet: Uh, I-I don't know how. Sy: Okay. Uh...Breaker, breaker. This is the Boston strangler. Chet: 10-4, good buddy. This is the Bearded Clam, over. Sy: Bearded Clam, just go over there and be yourself. Chet: Myself. My true secret self. Sy: Well, maybe not that. Chet: Chief? Those are chief's clothes! Oh, my God! She's ascended to heaven! Chief: Hey, everybody! The scripture is a liar, so let's strip down and party! [ Cheers and applause ] Owen: Everyone, can I have your attention, please? I've got a very special treat for you. With the world premiere of her brand-new song about what amazing doctors we are, please welcome my hero, Madonna! Lola: What's he talking about? [ Cheers and applause ] Madonna: Thank you. This song is called, "The People Behind These Masks." Dori: That's us. Madonna: Give me a 6/8 blues riff. Valerie: 6/8, yes! Madonna: ♪ dance, dance ♪ ♪ everybody, dance ♪ ♪ get on the floor and get your dance ♪ ♪ you, get on the floor, open the door ♪ ♪ and bat is the music, is the song ♪ ♪ that is bat ♪ ♪ you know it, do it ♪ ♪ Pillsbury dough it, take the bllet ♪ Lola: Wow. She really gets what it's like to be a doctor. Madonna: ♪ take the bat, use your feet ♪ ♪ dance ♪ ♪ do your dance, do your dance with a song ♪ ♪ do your dance, do your dance ♪ ♪ balloons take the take ♪ ♪ they take on the make 'cause they're in, out ♪ ♪ it's the song that's going to end ♪ ♪ it's the song that's going, stop the song ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] Thank you. What else do you want to hear? "Material Girl"? "Like a Virgin"? Glenn: No. Let's hear something from the public domain. How about "When The Saints Go Marching In"? [ Cheering ] It's probably safer. Lola: Yeah. Madonna: h*t it. ♪ Oh, saints, saints, saints ♪ ♪ oh, saints go ♪ All: ♪ go marching in ♪ Madonna: ♪ when the saints ♪ All: ♪ go marching in ♪ Madonna: ♪ go marching in ♪ All: ♪ oh, I want to be in that number ♪ ♪ oh, when the saints go marching in ♪ Madonna: ♪ do the saints go to heaven? ♪ ♪ take a saint four, five, six, seven ♪ All: ♪ go marching in ♪ Madonna: ♪ saint, saint, go, go ♪ All: ♪ saint, saint, saint ♪ Madonna: ♪ saints go march ♪ ♪ they all march to April, may, and march ♪ ♪ Peter, Paul, Mary, John ♪ ♪ saints one and all ♪ ♪ take them down, put them in a pie ♪ ♪ saints, I'm not lost ♪ ♪ you figure it out ♪ ♪ you're the one that's dumb ♪ Sal: Attention, staff. You call it dancing, I call it tomahto. That is all.[/i]	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x02 - Staff Dance"}	foreverdreaming
Glenn: Lola, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you don't have cancer. Lola: Ohh! Glenn: Cat just put nair in your shampoo. Cat: Because you ate my lunch from the refrigerator. Glenn: And the bad news is, she also put a chemical in your iced tea which turns your nose into a tennis ball. But it only lasts a second. So basically, everything's okay. Everything's okay. Owen: Chief! Can't you see I'm busy? Chief: Sometimes I wish I was a mirror. Lola: Hey, Dori, my round sheet is empty. Is that a mistake? Dori: Doesn't look like it. Owen: This place is empty. What gives? Dori: There are no admissions today, and we just discharged the last child. Cat: Are you saying there are no more patients left in the hospital? Beth: Guys, what do we do with all our time? Sy: Listen, I'm going into town to register the new ambulance. Glenn: Sy! Sy! Sy! Before you go, there are no patients left to treat. Any extra tasks you need us doing? Sy: As a matter of fact, thank you, Glenn. There's a lot of things to be done. First off, the organ supply room needs cleaning. Blake: I'll do it! [ Laughs ] Psych! Sy: Wear gloves this time. Blake: I'll do it my own way. Sy: And then, most importantly, the patients' records, all right? Now, look at this -- completely disorganized. These have been handed down from administrator to administrator. You know how important this is to me. Glenn, will you take care of reorganizing this entire room? Glenn: I will not let you down, sir. Sy: I would never have asked you, son, if I didn't believe in you. Chet: Are they falling in love? Owen: Yes. Sy: All right, Glenn is in charge, everybody. Sy: You know what, Lola? That is a great idea. The animal-testing lab is filthy. Lola: [ Scoffs ] Should have said, "I'd rather clean the Dylan McDermott lab." Sy: Who's gonna come with me? It's a great adventure. Dori! Perfect! Dori: Ohh! Sy: Let's go! Blake: Hey, Rosa. Working hard or hardly working? Rosa: [ European accent ] Oh, somewhere in between, Mr. Dr. Downs. Blake: I see what you're saying. You're not working as hard as you can be, but you're certainly not working. Rosa: [ Chuckles ] Blake: Oof. This uterus expired on Tuesday. You know what? I figure we have a 10-day grace period. Rosa: Expiration dates are really just suggestions. Blake: I like the way you think, lady. Rosa: You know, being around all these organs is making me hungry. Would you like to come to my home for lunch? Sal: Attention, staff. My dick. That is all. Lola: Hey, chief. Chief: Oh. Owen isn't interested in me. Do you think he noticed I use a walker? Lola: Oh, I'd love to girl-gab, but I just injected all these stem cells into that handicapped monkey. [ Screeches ] Chief: He doesn't need glasses or his walker?! [ Gasps ] Stem cells cure handicaps! Mama want! Lola: No! Chief, no! Oh, God! Chief: [ Gasping ] Wait a minute. I don't feel anything at all. Thanks for nothing, whore! Lola: Wait. Chief. Think fast! [ Gasps ] Amazing! Chief: Oh, my God. Lola: Look at that. Oh, my God. Chief: I'm cured! Stem cells? What a great idea! Glenn: [ Laughs ] Okay. What do you say, guys? Let's get busy! Cat: I'm not doing donkey dick. Glenn: Look, Cat -- Chet: What part of "donkey dick" don't you understand, ass-kisser?! Glenn: All right. So, how do you want to do this? My favorite letters are I, T, V, Q, and S, so, obviously, I'll take -- aaaah! Oh, my God. For a second there, I thought that was a real airplane. What's the deal, Cat? Cat: Glenn, this is a free day! I mean, do you really want to spend it organizing records, or do you want to spend setting them? Am I right, guys? [ Peppy music plays ] [ Music stops ] Okay, let's go! [ Music resumes ] [ Both laughing ] Glenn: Come on, guys! Are we doctors or are we... Dart doctors? [ Music continues on radio ] No! No, no, no! The ladies' room is right there! Sy, where are you? Owen: Ha-cha-cha! Whew. Ooh. Hey, there. You new at this hospital? Chief: In a way. Owen: What's your name, beautiful? Chief: My name? Uh, I-- it's... it's, uh, uh... [ Sneezes ] Chief: My name... Ooh, I -- ouch. It's, uh... hey. Chief: Uh...it's chief. Uh, chief...Smith. Owen: Oh. Well, we have another lady here named chief, but she's ugly. Chief: Oh, really? Owen: Yeah. She's about as ugly as a big pile of poo. Chief: Oh. Owen: Mm-hmm. She's so ugly, a poo takes a her. Chief: Hmm. Owen: If a dog wanted to eat his own poo, he would make a mistake and eat her. Chief: Yeah. Owen: For all intents and purposes, she is poo. Chief: Ohhh. Owen: When she goes to the toilet store, they tell her to "go around back 'cause that's where we let the poo in." Chief: Oh, God. Owen: If you do a Google image search of the word "poo," pictures of poo show up, but then there's a picture of her. Mm. Crazy people smear her on the walls. Chief: There's more. Rosa: Hi! Hi. We're hungry, mama! We're hungry! Rosa: They're saying they're hungry. Blake: Yeah, yeah. No, I heard them. They spoke English. Rosa: Come and sit. Back in Ukraine, I was hospital administrator. I loved it so. Oh, thank you, grandma. I work at Childrens just to be around the administrating. Blake: Sort of like a lower-stakes "Good Will Hunting." Rosa: Exactly. Blake: Yeah. [ Laughs ] Mmm. This soup is incredible. Is there a secret ingredient? Rosa: Oh, yes. [ Chuckles ] Love. [ Folk music plays ] [ Laughter ] [ Up-tempo music plays ] Cat: Glenn, come on. Let yourself go. Glenn: Ahh... Cat: Dance. Glenn: Oh, you know what? You're right. The files can wait. I got to dance! I got to dance! [ All cheering ] Lola: Whoa, Glenn! Chet: Yeah! Lola: All right! Cat: What?! Glenn: Hey! Pool! Pool! Aah! [ All cheering ] Lola: [ Vomits ] Glenn: Free day! [ Laughs ] Blake: Thank you so much, Sasha. Really nice meeting you, Andrash. And you, too, Tiffany. Don't ever change. And you... [ laughs ] This day has been wonderful. Rosa: No! Blake: But we -- we have a connection. I'm Robin Williams, you're Matt Damon. Let's make love, like they did in the movie. Rosa: No! No! I don't like you like that! Please, Dr. Blake, leave! Blake: Let me kiss her on the mouth! Rosa! No! No! No! No! Mwah! Mwah! No! [ Both laughing ] Owen: I'll tell you what, chief Smith, I'm gonna go get us some mai tais. Don't you go anywhere. Chief: Don't you worry. Both: Rowr! [ Both laugh ] Chief: Mmm. Lola: Hey! Think fast! [ Gasps ] Chief: Wait a minute. Let me put on my -- my glasses. Owen: Poo chief, where did chief Smith go?! You got to help me find her! Chief: Her is me! Her is me! ♪ For your sins ♪ Glenn: Hey, Blake, where have you been? Blake: Well, let's just say that I've been to another world and I fell in love, and it was not mutual, and I was forcibly removed. Cat: Aw, sweet. Glenn: Are those patients' files? Cat: Yeah. Glenn: Why are you throwing them into the fre?! Cat: Don't you get it? I don't know. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Glenn: Sy's on his way back. Lola: If only any of us knew something about administrating, then we could fix this. Blake: Wait a minute! Guys, I have an idea. Wait right here, okay? Do you have a sec? Rosa: No. Blake: Come on. Everybody, this is Rosa. She's my girlfriend. She can fix this. Rosa: Not your girlfriend. Blake told me the situation. We would have to re-create all the files by calling every patient and getting their medical history. It's impossible. Glenn: Oh, I failed. Blake: Impossible? [ Laughs ] Nothing's impossible if you follow your heart. Not even love. Cat: Hi. I'm calling from Childrens hospital. I was wondering, were you ever a patient here? Beth: And when was his last vaccination? Blake: What do you think your weight was in 1975? Lola: I'm still at work. We have to re-create these stupid patient files we brned in a hallway campfire. Owen: She's so ugly that monkeys take her out of their butts and throw her at people at the zoo. Cat: And that's it. We did it! Lola: Ohh! Cat: We did it! Glenn: That's it?! We replaced all the files? Cat: No, just this one single file, but you act like it's not that impressive. Sy: Glenn! What the hell happened here?! Cat: Sy, it's fault-- Glenn: No, Cat. Cat: Oh. Glenn: I got to own this. Yeah, we b*rned the files. And we'd do it again, 'cause, news flash, Sy -- I don't want to run your hospital, 'cause as a surgeon, I make sick money, and you live in a condo at the Harborlight Mall. Sy: I admit it. I was wr-- I was wr-- I was wro-- Glenn: Sy's having a stroke! Everybody come quick! Chet: I got it! I got it! Lola: No! No! No! Blake: Thank you, Rosa. You've been great. Rosa: I did literally nothing and nothing got fixed. Blake: Eh, tomayto, tomahto. Sy: No, I just had trouble saying I was wrong. It's a tic. Eh, it's a living. Sal: Attention, staff. When I say "That is," you say "All." That is... that is all.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x04 - Free Day"}	foreverdreaming
Lola: Oh! I think it's working. Glenn: Don't break open the champagne just yet. This may look straightforward, but there's a lot going on behind the scenes. Anything...can...happen. But it didn't, and we are done! Sew her up! Okay. Thanks, everybody. Cat: Wow, Glenn. That was so amazing. I'm so impressed. Glenn: Oh, any pediatrician can throw in a kid's heart. It's the stuff you've been doing lately -- that's the real stuff. Cat: Yeah? What stuff do you mean? Glenn: A-all. All of it. Cat: You think? Glenn: Oh, I don't have to think, I feel. David: And cut. Cut! I said cut, cut, cut, cut. Dixie: Sorry, I didn't hear you. David: Obviously you did hear me, 'cause you responded the third time I said it. Dixie: Maybe if you said it louder the first time, then it wouldn't be an issue. David: There's no issue, honey. My wife, everybody. I guess I made my own bed, right? [ Laughs ] Moving on. Hallway scene, let's go. Lynn: Sorry, David, David. One sec. Um, I just, uh... I hate to be that actress, you know, and I just -- but I have to say, and I know you have so much other stuff to worry about, but, you know, why am I just a glorified nurse in that scene? Jessica: Let me say a word about what the network thinks, okay? You're our anchor. Lynn: Uh-huh. Jessica: Lynn, you are our anchor. Lynn: Right. Jessica: You have grown old on this show, audiences know you. We would just like audiences to know Dixie a little more. Has anyone seen my iPad? Cutter: Hey, everybody. I'm glad I caught you. This is Jake, my nephew. He's interning here now and he's a huge fan of the show. This is Lynn Williams. Jake: I know who you are. Will you sign this? Lynn: Of course. Jake: I photoshopped it. You're my favorite. You were my favorite five years ago. Right now, Dixie's my favorite. Is Dixie here? Cutter: Yeah. Jake: I want to meet her next. I also put in Chinese Santa Claus because, like, what does that even mean? Cutter: What does that mean?! Dixie: You want to come to my dressing room and rehearse in 20 minutes? Glenn: Yes, just tell me when and where. Dixie: [ Groans ] Lynn: Hey, Dixie. Great wedding last week. Dixie: You know what? David and I were just so happy to have you there. And thank you so much for the dish towel. Lynn: Cut the [Bleep] You and I both know that you got hitched to the director... Both: 'Cause you don't have the talent to make it on your own. How long you gonna stay with him, huh? Lynn: How did you know what I was gonna... Dixie: Say? Lynn: Whoa. Dixie: Honey, I've been playing out this conversation in my head ever since the wedding. You think I stole your position on the show just like I stole David. Well, guess what. He was given to me by him. Both: So why don't you just -- Lynn: Ohh, see. I've been playing out this conversation my head since it began 30 seconds ago. Two can play at this... Dixie: Game. Both: Justin...Timber...Bum. Dixie: Game on, Lynn. Ms. Williams, them ready for you in studio B. Lynn: Game on. Yeah, she on her way. Them talking about some gay man. Owen: Dori, what time does that staff meeting start? Dori: It started 10 minutes ago. Do you want me to tell them that you're on your way? Owen: [ Snoring ] Dori: Uh... [ laughs ] Um...Should we cut? He's sleeping again. David: Cut! Okay, let's break for brunch and we'll try it again afterward. That's brunch, everybody! One hour for brunch! Rob: [ Exhales sharply ] What is wrong with me? Cutter: Did you fall asleep again? Rob: Yes. Something's definitely off, I can feel it. Ohh! I need a massage. Jake, you're a fan of the show, it'd be a big treat for you. Jake: Yes, it would. Rob: Oh, good. Get over here. Ahh. Mind the tubes, boy. That dialysis machine is filtering my rotten blood. You tweet that and I'll sab you. Mr. Huebel, there's a Dr. Bloomfield waiting for you at reception. Rob: [ Sighs ] Send him in. Oy, this having a broken kidney is no fun at all. Lady Jane: [ Humming ] Lynn: Lady Jane, can I ask you a question? Lady Jane: [ British accent ] Oh. Anything, ducky. Lynn: Oh, good. Ah, well, have you ever felt like someone's edging in on your territory, but there's just nothing you can do about it because she's married to the director? Lady Jane: More times than I can count, my dear. I was on a music hall tour with a broad-shouldered Welshman. We were clog dancers, and we pulled in for a two-nighter at Nesbie's place in Haymark. Now, this would before the fre, of course, and there was no ventriloquist! [ Laughs ] Because Charlie Morton was sloshed in Lambert Square, driving on the right side of the road, which is the wrong side of the road, despite what you colonists might think. And he was having a one-sided conversation with donkey squires, which if you did know donkey squires, you really would know that it's not unusual at all. Lynn: I don't know him. David: Action. Chief: Lola, if you h*t my car in the parking lot one more time, I'm gonna smack you. Lola: Oh! Chief, you said one more time. I thought I had one more time. Chief: Ha, you're right. You got me. David: And cut! Great. Lady Jane: My advice would be to drive a wedge between Dixie and David. Dr. Bloomfield: Well, your remaining kidney is essentially gone. You need to stay on your dialysis machine 24 hours a day. If you go off it for even a minute, you could die. Rob: Oh, come on. What do you know anyway? Dr. Bloomfield: Look, Rob. I'm your doctor. I just tell you what I see in the chart. Ultimately, you'll do what you want to do. [ Cellphone vibrates ] Oh, I have a robocall from Verizon. I have to take this. Rob: What am I going to do? If the producers find out I'm this sick, my career is over. Jake: I have an idea where you can stay on your dialysis machine 24/7, still act on the show, and no one will ever know. Rob: Speak. Jake: Space robots. Dixie: It's only been nine and a half minutes, Dr. Ritchie. You're early. Ken: I couldn't wait any longer for my appointment, Dr. Black. Dixie: I think I have to write you a prescription for romance. David: And cut! Ken: Aaah! David: Did you hear me that time? Was it loud enough? Dixie: David, how long have you been standing there? David: No, it looks like the scene's in really, really, good shape. Dixie: Don't even go there, David. We were clearly just rehearsing. David: I'm serious, Dixie. I love it. Dixie: David. Ken: Thank you, Mr. wain. Lynn: Hi. No, hold on. Just one moment. I don't want to be that actress but, you know, I never rehearsed a kissing scene when I was married to you. David: Lynn, I can't -- Lynn: Just -- David, just open your eyes, okay? Dixie has been screwing falcon for months. David: I knew it. Lynn: I'm so sorry, but I do have an idea for some changes to the love scene that I think you might find interesting. Rob: [ Clears throat ] Lynn: Okay. Find me. C-3PO: Greetings, master David. I am C-3PO, Childrens Hospital's resident protocol droid and this is my counterpart, r2-d2. Rob: And I'm Owen Skywalker, Jedi pediatrician. What do you think, David? This could be a really great thing for my character. David: No, and that r2 unit looks like it has a bad motivator. Rob: Oh, I guess we'll just have to go over his head. Oh, I need slack on my blood tube. Scene 40 on stage 3. Ken: Careful, you. I have ways of knowing if you do less than your best. Dixie: Oh, my God, what are you doing? You're putting splootches all over my face for my love scene. Why would you do that? David: It's new pages. I don't know who wrote them, but from now on, Cat Black has this contagious virus and she's got to be in this plastic bubble. Dixie: What? Why? This is so confusing. I don't understand it. I didn't get these pages. Lynn: Well, game set, almost match, advantage Lynn. Check and checkmate. Dixie: I still have one more ace up my sleeve. First and 10, 35 yards to go. Lynn: Game on. Dixie: Oh, you game on. Lynn: No, you game on. It's game on, not gay mon. Tomayto, tomahto. Dixie: [ Gags, coughs ] What is that? David: The virus makes your character smell bad. Dixie: Does that even show up on TV? David: Yes and no. Action! Cat: Oh, it's only been nine and a half minutes, Dr. Ritchie. You're early. Glenn: I couldn't wait any longer for my appointment, Dr. Black. My God, I want to kiss you so badly right now, but I'd rather not get your deadly virus. Cat: I rather die than not be with you, Glenn. David: No, no, no. No, no. That's not in the script. Lynn: Game off, Dixie. Game off. David: Jessica, I am so sorry. I promise you, it will never-- Jessica: Stop happening? I hope so, David. This is exactly the kind of thing the networks want. Keep it rolling! It was a brilliant idea. David: Thank you. Cat: It's a miracle! I'm cured! Owen: Cat, I'm a Jedi knight, and my droids and I came here to cheer you up. David: No, no, no, no. I told him -- Jessica: I approved it. The Sci-Fi kids will love it. Glenn: Can we cut? She smells like a dill weed omelet. Lady Jane: Sorry. I always forget that you colonies don't drive indoors. It's our teeth that are the problem, really. And the rain and tea time, Benny hill, the queen. Jessica: Wait a minute. That's not r2-d2. Are you on dialysis? Rob: I have to be tethered to that machine or I'll die. So I guess my career here is over. Dixie: Wait, Rob. The machine is smashed to bits and you seem -- you seem fine. Rob: But that doctor said that -- Dr. Bloomfield: I said that because I knew all you needed was the confidence to believe in yourself. That's all you ever needed. No machine on earth can deliver that. Rob: Wait, I really don't understand. Dr. Bloomfield: And that's the only thing that you all need. Lynn, it's not about being the bigger star. Everyone can have a good part in the great TV show we call life. Lynn: I see that now. Dr. Bloomfield: And, David, you definitely direct the elements on the set. But in your own life, you've forgotten the foundation of a relationship is trust. Jessica, beautiful Jessica. You've been work, work, work so much, you've lost sight of what you're working for. Call your mother. Jessica: I will, I promise. Rob: But seriously, what's going on? Dr. Bloomfield: Cutter Spindell. Cutter: Yeah, do me. Dr. Bloomfield: Make the most of these last 10 days you have left on earth. Cutter: Whoa. What? Dr. Bloomfield: And, falcon, your thing is the crazy eyes and stuff. Ken: You get it? Dr. Bloomfield: Dixie Peters, you're doing great. No notes. Dixie: Oh, okay. Thanks. Thank you. Dr. Bloomfield: And you. Yes, all of you. Don't we all have secrets we keep behind the scenes? Do your doctor know that camera's not rolling? Rob: I don't know what the hell's going on. [ Jazz music plays ] Sal: Attention, staff. My name is Bram Strunk and I play Sal Viscuso on "Childrens Hospital." That is all.[/i]	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x05 - Behind the Scenes"}	foreverdreaming
Blake: Does your son ever experience fainting spells? No. Blake: I thought you said your son never experienced fainting spells? That is not my son. [ "The Pink Panther" -style music plays ] Owen: Hey, Dori. You paged me? Dori: Yes, Dr. Maestro. Take a look at this X-ray. Owen: That's weird. Hey, kid, you're supposed to unwrap your candy before you eat it. I didn't eat it. I mean, I did. I just can't -- I can't talk about it. Owen: Sheesh. Catch all that? Dori: Yeah. He said, "I didn't eat it! I mean, I did. I just -- I can't talk about it." Owen: Yeah, that's it -- verbatim. Makes me wonder what he's hiding. Dori: Yeah. Not me. Lola: Ooh, chief, your walker could use some WD-40. Chief: Ha, are you kidding me? On my salary, I can't even afford WD-30. [ Laughs ] I'm joking, of course. I can afford it, technically. It's just that things have been a little tight, financially. Lola: Oh. Well, fix the walker. Richard: Uh, excuse me, Dr. Spratt? Lola: Yes? Richard: I never got a chance to properly thank you for the heart transplant eight years ago. Lola: Aww. You're welcome. Chief: Why, you're Richard Jarvis, aren't you? You're a billionaire! Richard: That's right. And every time my new heart beats, I think of you, Lola Adolph Spratt. Chief: Interestingly, I, too, am on Google. Richard: To show my appreciation, I'd like to give the hospital a brand-new, handcrafted baccarat table, edged in 24-karat gold. Lola: Wow, Richard. That is very generous, but I wonder if the hospital couldn't use something a little more lifesaving-ish? We're not impressed with your money. Chief: Why, I think it's a great idea, Richard. We'd play so much more baccarat if we had a nice table. Richard: Lola, you saved the life of a boy who went on to become the world's youngest billionaire. Don't you think you deserve to enjoy a rich man's game of chance? Chief: Yes! We'll take it! Richard: Great. I'll have the table flown in on my non-invisible jet. Lola: So it's visible. It's a visible jet? Richard: Yes, but it's still a jet. Beth: [ Speaks indistinctly ] Sy: Ta-da! Carrie, it's time for you to meet your helper animal. Daisy is trained to help you do things you can't do for yourself right now like crossing the street, opening the door, keeping you company. Carrie: I hope it's a dog. Sy: And I hope it's a snake! Because that's what it is! Say hi to Daisy! All right. Relax. Let go. She's very strong. Yep. There we go. Beth: Sy, is this your attempt to pinch pennies by not getting a real helper animal? Sy: Well, yes and no. Ultimately, yes. I just assume a snake can do everything a dog can do. Daisy, turn on the TV. Huh? Carrie: But you did that. Sy: Yeah, but what dog do you know that can turn on a TV? And don't say snoopy, 'cause that dog can do anything. [ Glass shatters ] Daisy, quick! Break a lamp! Owen: You listen to me! I got five different kids out there crapping wrapped candy, and nobody's talking. Spill it, you son of a bitch! I don't know how it got there. Leave me alone! Lacey: "Leave me alone." Sounds like my ex-husband. Owen: Detective Lacey Briggs, I haven't seen you since you divorced my old partner and dedicated your life to hitting on me, his best friend. Lacey: Well, let's just say I hate my ex-husband, and I want to have sex with you. Owen: You better watch it. That candy just came out of some sick kid's bottom. Lacey: Please. This mouth has been in places your pretty little face wouldn't take a crap on with that nurse's dick. Dori: Hmm. Lacey: Since when do kids eat candy with the wrappers on them? Is that today's version of streaking? Owen: I don't know, because I can't get this punk to talk. Lacey: Too bad. Looks like someone's gonna have to go to bed a little early without any bedtime stories. No! Owen: Hey! Take it easy, cop! He's just a kid! Lacey: Well, I don't want to do it, but someone's gonna have to cancel the pizza party this weekend. Okay, okay! It's from yummy candy corporation, in the Latin quarter. Owen: Nice work. Lacey: Yeah. I'm good with kids. You should sh*t one in me some time. Looks like our next stop -- Latin quarter. Owen: Briggs, I can't go with you. I'm not a cop anymore. Lacey: Well, then, we're just gonna have to make you one. You promise to back me up, no matter what, till death do us part? Owen: I do. Lacey: Then by the power vested in me, I now pronounce you recopped. Don't stop till you drop. Lola: Richard, if you're trying to impress me -- Richard: Oh, please. Many baccarat tables have the name "Lola" encrusted on them in diamonds. Why? Is it doing anything for you? Lola: Richard, you're a teenage boy. Richard: Who has the heart of a 40-year-old man. And you put it in me. So, technically, I'm older than you. But, hey, I've got a thing for younger women. Lola: It's not working! Richard: I grew a mustache for you. Lola: [ Sighs ] Chief: Well, hello, there, Richard, or is it tom Selleck? I will literally do anything you want! I have no moral compass! Beth: Maybe we should just spend the money on a real helper animal, Sy. Sy: Oh, don't be silly. Daisy can do things that other animals can't. There you go. Look at that. Is that not cute as hell? They're BFFs! Carrie: [ Whimpers ] Sy: Let's go get a smoke. Beth: Okay. Carrie: No! Get away from me! Lola: Chief, you've got to stop flirting with Richard. Chief: I can't help it. I feel like I have a connection with his money. Lola: But money doesn't buy happiness! Chief: Shut up! [ Gasps ] Well... Richard: Lola, I just wanted to let you know that I've thought a lot about what you were saying, and, uh, the baccarat table has been returned, and that money is being used to create the Lola Spratt foundation to help the hungry. Lola: Oh, Richard, that's awfully generous. Chief: That's disgusting! Lola, don't you see what's happening? He's trying to -- Lola: Shut up! Lacey: He'll only be asleep for a few minutes, so we got to move. [ Gagging ] Lacey: What kind of candy company is this? Owen: I don't know. Could be a sole proprietorship. Might be an S corp for tax purposes. Lacey: They're stuffing those kids with hard candy. But why? Owen: I think I know. Lacey: Are you gonna tell me, or... Lola: I just want it the way that I want it. Go, go, go, go, go. Thank you. Chief: Is that a mink coat, you dick? Lola: Look, I know what you're thinking, and, yes, Richard bought me this mink. Chief: Whatever happened to "money can't buy happiness"? Lola: Well, Richard says that the figurehead of a high-profile charitable foundation has to look her best. Also, this feels like angels' pubic hair. Richard: For you, Lola Spratt, who is not fat. In fact, is very lean. Lola: Well, hickory dickory dock, I love my new necklace and my frock. [ Laughs ] Dicky and I like to mother goose it up sometimes. With all the foundation work, we sometimes just got to take a break and get stupid, you know? Richard: Ohh... Chief: [Bleep] the both of you. Lola: [ Gasps ] Richard: Oh, hey, don't let her get to you. Listen, since this is your inaugural fundraiser party, I've arranged a very special party favor that only the upper echelons know about. Come with me. Lola: Ooh! Oh, my God! Is that a -- Richard: Yes. A human piñata. It's the new rich rage. All the rich people do it. His belly is full of candy, but not for long. Lola: I don't know -- Richard: Oh, take a few whacks. I promise you, once you've flown first class, you'll never go back to paper-mache. Lola: Um... Lacey: Freeze, scumbag! Owen: And doctor I work with. Lacey: You're under arrest for using human beings as piñatas. Using poor kids as party favors? That's wrong. Richard: I'm confused. How is it wrong? Owen: Because it's a crime! Richard: Ah, I see. Lola: But it's a victimless crime. Lacey: No, ma'am. It's the most victim-full crime I've ever seen in my life! Richard: Oh, tomayto, tomahto. Owen: Tomayto, tomayto. Richard: I guess I'm confused. Owen: Okay. Let me try to break this down for you. You see that hitting other kids with sticks is wrong. Richard: Yeah, absolutely. Owen: So then -- Richard: Unless they're stuffed with candy. Owen: There's the confusion. Lola: Oh, okay. Yeah. I see what you're talking about, Owen. Oh, Richard, you're horrible. I'm so sorry. I just got seduced by the money. I mean, feel this coat. Lacey: Oh, wow! Richard: What's the point of replacing my heart if you're just gonna tear it up again, Lola? Lola: Richard, we gave you an organ that pumps blood, but you don't have a heart. Richard: Okay. I get it. I bid you all farewell, then. It was nice meeting you all. Lola: It was so nice to meet you. Owen: Take it easy. Lola: Safe travels. Beth: Come quick, everyone! Sy: Bad snake! Bad snake! Ooh! Lola: What?! Sy: Well, okay. So, they were hugging. Just hugging. Carrie: [ Muffled ] I'm in here! Lola: All right, all right. Step back. I got this one. All right. [ Grunting ] Come on, piñata! Let's go! [ Both grunting ] Sy: Aaaaaah! How was it inside the snake? Carrie: Disgusting. Sy: Yeah. Owen: Hey! Good work on that helper animal. Lola: Thanks. Owen: You know, we make a pretty good team. Lacey: Yeah? Owen: I'm almost sorry we can't be together. Lacey: Oh, we're together. I had us married during the recopping ceremony. Blake: Hey, was that dot-com billionaire Richard Jarvis I saw fly away in a non-invisible jet? Lacey: Oh. We should have arrested that guy. Owen: Yeah. Lacey: Endangerment, kidnapping. Owen: Conspiracy, fraud, attempted mrder. Blake: And now we'll never know where he's been hiding that pink panther diamond. [ "The pink panther"-style music plays ] Sal: Attention, staff. Non-invisible cannot be used in place of forceps. That is all.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x06 - The Return of the Young Billionaire"}	foreverdreaming
Glenn: Well, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. Bad news is, the cancer has spread to the brain. The good news is, it's carnivale! [ Laughs ] Lola: It just feels so right to be back together again. Why did we ever break up in the first place? Owen: I don't know. Oh -- I cheated on you a number of times. Lola: Right. Well, mister, if you cheat on me one more time, I will not repeat this cycle of abuse and trust yet again. Dr. Spratt: She has daddy issues. Lola: Maxine. Dr. Spratt: Luckily, our father died before he could destroy my confidence and perfect looks. Lola: What are you doing here, Maxine? Why are you dressed like a doctor? Dr. Spratt: Because I suddenly am one, proving once again that I can do anything you can do -- only prettier. Hi. I'm Dr. Maxine Spratt, Lola's much younger sister. You're supposed to show me the ropes today? Owen: That's a coincidence because I showed old Lola the ropes here about 10 years ago. Dr. Spratt: I'll be better at it -- smarter, prettier, more confident. You know the drill by now. [ Giggles ] So, where are these ropes? Owen: They're by the tomahtoes. Glenn: I feel weird about doing this in front of the patient. I mean, the poor girl was abandoned here this morning. We don't even have a name. Valerie: Don't worry. She's in a coma. Glenn: Yeah. Well, what about Blake? Valerie: Blake, Glenn and I are going out. Do you know what that means? Blake: Well, yeah, sort of. I mean, kids today say they're going out, but what does that even mean, you know? It's like, "Where are you going?" "Out." Valerie: No, I mean, do you know what that means for you and me? We're breaking up. Blake: Oh. Well, that is unexpected -- mostly because we weren't dating. Wait -- were we dating? Valerie: Goodbye, Blake. Blake: Oh, man. Glenn: Uh, sidebar, if I may? Blake: Permission granted. Glenn: She's gone. Dori: Sy, what's all this? Sy: In a nutshell -- years ago, my ex-wife and I were a covert team of assassins for a secret government agency. Dori: Got it. Sy: I hated the life and got out. My wife went rogue. Dori: That's not good. Sy: She pledged she'd kll me by my 60th birthday, which is today, so I'm installing this hospital-wide security system. Dori: Oy, Sy. Happy birthday. I have to needlepoint you something. Sy: I'm a 42 short. Beth: So, every 10 minutes, the alarm goes off, and then you have 10 seconds to press this button, or the patient will die. Lola: Well, what does the button do? Beth: I don't know. You're the doctor. Lola: Yes, I am a doctor. And this job seems more suited to a monkey or a common nurse in a zoo. [ Rapid beeping ] Ohh! Fine! [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighs ] I'm sorry I called you a monkey. Beth: Look, we go through a lot of intense stuff here every day, so let's just chalk it up to that and move on. Lola: Okay. Cool. Beth: Remember, every 10 minutes. Lola: Oh. 10 minutes. And done. Valerie: We have to find our missing coma girl. I mean -- wait. Blake's watching. Put your hand down my pants or something. Glenn: What?! No! What is your deal with Blake, anyway? I mean, how could you guys date without him even knowing it? Valerie: We never dated. I just told him we did so I could have the fun of breaking up with him. He's looking again. Just...give me a hickey. Glenn: Oh, fine. Valerie: This used to be us. Blake: When? Owen: Well, unless I miss my guess, this is Lyme disease. Dr. Spratt: I agree -- she's not good enough for you. Owen: Huh? Dr. Spratt: What? Oh. Sorry. When you said "disease" I thought you said "Lola" and I just discovered a cure. Me. [ Pager beeping ] Lola: Damn! [ Sighs ] Whoo! Ugh! [ Panting ] [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighs ] Too close, Lola. Too close. Sy: All right, Dori. I'm finished. Now, where are we with the extra security guards I ordered? Dori: There's one in front of each -- Sy: Double them. Dori: Let me finish!! Sy: Sorry. Dori: Thank you. Before you interrupted me, I was going to say, there's one in front of each door. Sy: Thank you. Double them. [ Electricity crackles ] Dori: Hey, Sy... these wires have been cut. Sy: She's already here. [ Power shuts off ] Wow! Chet: You called for me, pretty doctor? Lola: Yes, Chet. I need you to press this button every 10 minutes. I'll pay you. Chet: Oh. With kissies? Lola: With money. Chet: W-will you at least give the money kissies? Lola: Yeah. Yeah. Whatever. Whatever. Chet: Whatever. She'll do whatever. She'll do whatever. Blake: I feel like if you guys hadn't been making out, the patient wouldn't have slipped away. Valerie: We weren't making out. Blake: Val, I'm starting to think that you're messing with my head. Ohh! Valerie: [ Sighs ] Well, Blake's been punched. Glenn: Uh, good. So, what do you say you and I -- Valerie: Yes. Set him up in the room, put fake blood in his mouth and on the bed, and convince him that he ate the patient. Glenn: Or I was gonna say hang out, but, you know, okay. Yeah. Hey. Blake: What the hell?! Ohh! [ Groans ] Valerie: Well, Blake's been punched again. Thoughts? Owen: I feel kind of weird about this. Dr. Spratt: Yeah, it's really weird to just stare at each other for so long. I'm just really good at it. Owen: No, I feel kind of weird because of Lola. Dr. Spratt: You're obsessed with my sister! Okay. [ Chuckles ] Look, I'm gonna level with you, Owen. When Lola was born, God said, "Unh-unh. Do-over. I said in my[/i] image." And then he got straight to work on this business right here. Now kiss me! Sal: Attention, staff. Will Chet the paramedic please stop whatever he's doing and report to the E.R.? Lola: Damn it! The button! [ Scoffs ] Ugh! Oh... aahh! Okay, what?! Oh, God. Oh, come on! This is a children's hospital! Move it! [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] [ Sighing ] Ohhh! This is really pushing my buttons. [ Laughs ] But it is. Glenn: Valerie, Blake is never gonna believe that he ate this girl. Valerie: I know. We'll hide her under the bed and we'll coat the inside of his mouth with food. That way, he has a taste in his mouth. Do you have food on you? I have breath mints and half a hot dog. Which one do you think tastes more like people? Glenn: Hot dog, but there's a larger issue here. You're clearly obsessed with Blake. I mean, sure, you make fun of him, but you're logging a lot of hours doing it. And now she's gone again. Sal: The hospital is currently on lockdown. If you are seen leaving the room you are in, you will be fired. Lola: [ Groans ] [ Sighs ] I wonder if that's a size 4. Hmm. Awesome. [ Grunting ] Owen: No! No, Maxine, I can't do this. Lola's my girlfriend. Plus, it's worth mentioning that your mouth tastes like people. What kind of mints do you use? Dr. Spratt: Hot-dog mints. Why? Lola: Oh, Owen. Dr. Spratt: You're choosing that over me? Owen: Yes, Maxine. Lola is the one for me. Sure, you're prettier and you're smarter, and you're probably a better doctor, and you're younger and you're interesting... Sy: Can I help you, little girl? Ohhh. So, when your mother said she "lost the baby," she really meant she gave it to the agency to program in order to activate to kll me on my 60th birthday. You look a lot like her. This is no life for a little girl. You should be in a playground, being pushed on a swing by your daddy. And here's the worst part -- you're never gonna have a chance to tell your mom that I said hello. Owen: ...And you're fun and I'm happier when I'm around you than I am when I'm with Linda. Lola: "Lola." [ Alarm beeping ] Oh! Ugh! Damn! I really wanted to see where this was going. Got to go. Owen: And you're funny, we like to watch the same TV shows, and you don't wear those stupid glasses that she wears. [ Both grunting ] [ Rapid beeping ] [ Beeping stops ] Lola: What? I don't get it. There are no wires? What? This button wasn't even connected to anything. Or perhaps it was connected to everything. Lola: What? How did -- well, how are you...? Everything is connected, Lola. There can be no loose ends. Maybe everything starts out connected, and life is about trying to remember that. Valerie: I've realized it now. I'm in love with you. But the only way I can express myself is by doing really weird things to your mind. Blake: I know that now. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Ugh! Maybe we all started out connected. [ Both grunting ] And we're just trying to get back there. N-no, no, no. Let's not ruin this. Lola: I'm so sorry. It's fine. Dori: Aaaaaah! Sy: Dori. Dori! It's okay. It's all right. This is my daughter. I did this. Dori: Let me guess -- your wife sent her to k*ll you in her place? Sy: Well, that's exactly right. Dori: Oh, that reminds me -- I just needlepointed you a new tweed jacket. Sy: Thank you. Sal: Attention, staff. Remember, this is all taking place in a Puerto Rican midget's fart.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x09 - A Kid Walks in to a Hospital"}	foreverdreaming
Sal: Attention, staff. Dr. Lola Spratt used to be fat in high school. Pictures don't lie. That is all. Lola: What? God. Dick-bag. Sal: Attention, staff. Chief's right breast is made of spaghetti. Chief: How did you know that? Sal: Attention, staff. It takes longer to build a blond snowman because you have to hollow out the head. Dori: That's offensive, but most stereotypes are based on truth. Sal: Attention, staff. Don't tell Dr. Valerie flame that I stole her favorite eraser. That is all. Valerie: [ Gasps ] Damn it. I was just about to make a mistake, too. There goes that plan. Sy: You know, erasers are very expensive. It's much more cost-effective if you don't make any mistakes at all. Blake: Okay. You're gonna feel a little pinch. Sal: Attention, staff. Will the clown doctor please report to the E.R. to suture a young boy's head. That is all. Blake: [ Chuckles ] Will someone tell him I'm down here and I'm doing it? Sorry about that. Sal: Attention, staff. Dr. clowns, stop "clowning" around -- L.O.L.-- and suture a young boy's head. That is all. Blake: I am here! And I am doing it! [ Inhales deeply ] [ Chuckles ] Sorry. It's just that if I'm off by even a millimeter, he could lose an eyebrow. Or, even worse, an eyelash. But that is not something you should worry about and certainly not something you should have been told. Sal: Attention, staff. Will Dr. "Fake" Downs please report to the hardware store, because I just nailed him. Blake: Put that on ice, please. Sy, where's that P.A. booth? I want to give that guy a real piece of my mind. Sy: I don't know who he is. N-no one knows who he is, where he is. Owen: I heard he's a robot. Lola: Well, I met him once. Owen's right. Robot. Chief: That P.A. announcer's name... is Sal Viscuso! [ Thunder rumbles] and he lived here in the '30s, when this hospital was an orphanage. Arthur Childrens was afraid of dying. In his desperate search for immortality, he conducted experiments on the orphans here, hoping to extract a serum that would freeze the aging process. It was a stormy night, much like tonight. , Lightning was not on his side and young Sal was accidentally klled. Arthur: Oh, boy. Chief: Racked with guilt, Arthur shut down the orphanage and opened this hospital. It's said that the ghost of the 10-year-old Sal still haunts this place, while also regularly providing very useful information over the P.A. from the same secret lab where he died. But no one knows where it is. [ Thunder rumbles ] Lola: Oh. So are you gonna come over here or... Chief: No, I'm good here. Sy: Ghosts? That's ridiculous! Secret labs? Oh, I laugh at that. 10-year old boys accidentally klled during anti-aging experiments? Oh, please, honey child. [ Laughs ] I have to go. Bye. Blake: If I was in a secret lab where would I be? Owen: Blake, I'll help you find it. I'm a ghost hunter. I've got my own night-vision cameras, tons of cool equipment. Dori: Ghost sightings are manifestations of psychological issues. Owen: Not true, Dori. I've been able to see specters ever since that summer I lived with my uncle. Slept in his bed with him. So, what do you say, guys? You're about to be molested. Valerie: I'm sorry. What? Owen: I said let's go bust some ghosts! Valerie: Ah. [ Thunder rumbles ] Sy: Sal? Sal, are you in here? Because they are on to you. [ Thunder crashes ] [ Screams ] [ Screams ] [ Thunder rumbling ] Sy: Oh, no. Oh, no. I'm stuck. It's stuck -- and it's my good hand, too! Now I'm going to have to learn to bat lefty! That means I'm gonna pull all the balls to right field! Nooooooooooo! Owen: Okay, team. Listen up. Here are your assignments -- Valerie, you're the former Christian whose faith was rocked by an experience with a poltergeist one night as you slept in your uncle's bed. Lola, you're the tech whiz. You've kept yourself glued to your computer since you were a boy, because it's the only way you know how to keep yourself from revealing your most horrible secret to your parents... That you can see spirits. Dori, you're the intern. A curious freshman attracted to my power. But you're not gonna sleep with me, because I'm your uncle. Gear check. Lola: I've never seen such acute displacement of emotional trauma. This can only end awesome. Owen: Okay. Don't be afraid, everyone. Remember -- it's your fault. And if you ever speak a word of this to anyone, Santa Claus will never come to your houses again. Let's do this. Blake: [ Sighs ] Owen: Let's go, Blake -- to the abandoned basement! Blake: You been in this one spot this whole time? Chief: Yep! Sy: I'm so hungry. Maybe I could eat that bottle. Ow! Oh! Now I can't play first base. Owen: You don't have to be afraid of anything. He can't hurt you anymore, Owen. Lola: Oh, my God! He just called Blake "Owen." That's so sad and awesome. Valerie: Quiet. He's about to say another crazy thing. Owen: Your uncle won't touch your penis anymore. All: Oh! Sy: [ Exhales deeply ] I need some antibiotics. Oh. "Anti." I'm sure the rest says "biotics." [ Thunder rumbles ] Blake: fring records. Retiring records. Owen: [ Sniffs ] You smell what I'm smelling? That's evidence that the dad are close by. Sulfur, whiskey, old TV guides. Blake: Bingo! Hiring records. Sal Viscuso. Born 1929. No date of death. Sal Viscuso is still very much alive. [ All gasp ] What the hell was that? Owen: I don't know. It came from the hallway. [Panting ] There's no one here. Blake: [ Screams ] [ All screaming ] Owen: [ Screaming ] Sy: [ Screaming ] Arthur Childrens! I was on my way in here to tell Sal to move his P.A. booth. Arthur: I can no longer trust you to keep my secret, Sy. Sy: But there's close to a 100% chance that you are a very dapper hallucination, because I just drank those chemicals. Arthur: If I was a hallucination, could I do this? Sy: Ow! My subconscious totally made you up. Arthur: Then why is your subconscious kicking you in the face? Sy: Ow! Ow! Do you have to keep doing that? Ow! Blake: Owen, I am so sorry that we doubted you. Owen: That's the first ghost I've ever seen that didn't resemble an older man! Most ghosts look just like my father's brother. Blake: We thought you had created this whole ghost scenario in your head because you were clearly molested by your uncle. Owen: Wait. What did you just say? Blake: To get to Sal, we just have to find his secret lab. And bingo again! There's an unaccounted-for space right up here behind this wall on the second floor. Let's go. Owen: [ Weakly ] No. Wait. Blake: Bingo a third time. Sy: Ow! Ow! Blake: I know you're in there! Something. Need something. Yeah. Perfect. [ Grunting ] Damn! I'm coming, Sal! [ Pounding ] Sy: You hear that sound? That sound is real! That's what real sounds like. You, sir, are a hallucination! [ Thunder rumbles ] Arthur: You're right. I am a hallucination. But I have feelings. I was born hoping one day to become a dream, and then when I became a full-on hallucination, I thought, "Look ma, I made it. Are you happy now?" I want to be a real man. Can't a hallucination have a dream? No. [ Pounding continues ] Sy: In here! Blake: [ Panting ] What?! [ Knock on door ] Sal: Sorry about the banging. Sy: Sal. Sal: Eighty years, and you'd think I'd remember the code. Sy: Sal, listen! I need you to go find a Knfe and cut my arm off so I can be free. Sal: [ Sighs ] Attention, Sy. Why don't I just move the shelf? Sy: That is all? Sal: That is all. Sy: [ Sighs, groans ] Blake: Where is he? Sy! Where have you been? You've... Hey, that's him. Hey! Hey, come here! I want to -- Hey, stop that kid! Chief: No, thanks. Blake: Who are you? Huh? Sal: Just leave me alone! You won't find him again. Take my advice, son. Ain't nothing you can do about it. Blake: Yeah. Who are you? A friend. Blake: A friend, huh? Thank you, friend. Sy: So Arthur Childrens' youth serum experiments didn't kll Sal, but it did stunt his natural aging process. Chief: But if he's been a kid for decades, he might as well be a ghost. I mean, at least that's the way it looks from here. I don't mean here here, I mean the royal here. Sy: Ah, tomato. Owen: Hi, aunt Joy. It's Owen. I'm great. Is uncle Ken available, please? I need to speak with him. He's on a scout camp-out? Sal: I ain't 'fraid no goat.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x11 - Attention Staff"}	foreverdreaming
Blake: Hey, Val. Valerie: You smell like dirty diapers. Blake: Then why don't you change me? Owen: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this clown bothering you, Val? Blake: No! We were just having a...sweet, flirty back-and-forth. Owen: What'd you say to me, shrimp? Blake: Nothing. Owen: [ Exhales sharply ] I thought so. Dori: Mail call. Letter for Blake. Blake: [ Sighs ] What? The Jews want me to help them go number two? Cat: No, it says, "jury duty," not "jewie-doodie." Blake: Well, what -- what's jury duty? Lola: You know what the justice system is, right, Blake? Blake: I feel like this is a trick question. Um...there is no justice system? [ Laughter ] Valerie: I knew it. Blake: Why are you always picking on me, huh? Owen: 'Cause you're a jumbo shrimp. Oh! [ Laughter ] High five. [ Grunts ] Lola: Hey, hey. What's the charge? I'm an attorney. Wrongful death. He slapped a child in surgery, and he died. Owen: Let me go, you shrimp. Glenn: Why did you say you were a lawyer? Lola: Because I am one. Look, I don't have any pets or friends. I don't watch a lot of TV, and I'm single. So I got a law degree and passed the bar last summer. Glenn: I will totally buy that. Lola: Glenn, Cat, if we're gonna save Owen, I'm gonna need your help. Cat: We're in. And if my hunch is right, the first thing we should do is pay a little visit to a certain Childrens Hospital. Glenn: Let's go. [ Siren wailing ] Owen: How are you a doctor and a lawyer? Lola: Single, no pets, no friends, no TV, passed the bar. Owen: I will totally buy that. Lola: Right. [ Cellphone rings ] Oh, okay. Hey, what do you got? Glenn: So on the day of the surgery, the kid that Owen slapped to death took a Lamaze class. Wait. But that's for pregnant moms. Why would -- Lola: Hey, I don't deal in "why woulds." I deal in "you shoulds," as in you shoulds go talk to that Lamaze teacher. Glenn: We wills. [ Indistinct conversations ] Owen: Oh, no. Look in the jury box. Blake: Well, well, well. Dr. Owen maestro. How the tables have turned, my friend. Wait. Do you know him? 'Cause that would disqualify you from serving on this jury. Blake: [ Smacks lips ] No, I do not. That's...just the way I talk, my friend. [ Crinkling ] Are you wearing a diaper? Lola: I'm gonna be honest. I am very nervous. Owen: Oh, it's okay. Just relax. Lola: And when I'm nervous, I do cocaine. Owen: What? Shut up. All rise. The honorable judge Lester Harrison presiding. Lola: Oh, do not let me say the "N" word. Owen: What? Why would you say that? Lola: Cocaine. Judge Harrison: You may be seated. Opening remarks, Ms. Spratt? Lola: [ Sighs ] Okay. N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n... Ni-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i... ckel. Nickel! If I...had a nickel for every time a responsible doctor was falsely accused, well, I would be one rich [Bleep] Objection. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it, but you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Mm-hmm. Sure, that boy has been in here a few times. He's gonna make a great mom. Glenn: Hmm. Anything unusual about him? Uh, yes. Most of my students are pregnant women, and he was neither. Cat: Anything else? Did he ever mention any plans to die during surgery? No. We just did some deep-breathing exercises together. You see, Lamaze was originally invented as just a humorous fad, but it turns out it can relax anyone. Cat: Class that teaches you to breathe, huh? Glenn: What will they teach next -- swimming? You know what, if you really want to get some information, you should talk to Sy Mittleman. He is the biggest gossip at Childrens. Glenn: Yeah, and where can we find this "Sy Mittleman"? Keep going straight past, "have you heard?" And then take a quick right at, "oh, no she didn't." [ Chuckles ] Front blobby. Glenn: Blobby? Take off the "B" and you'll know. Glenn: Lobby. Got it. Cat: Let's go. I hope Lola's okay. Lola: [ Inhales deeply ] Oh, God. Whoo! [ Sniffs ] [ Muttering, laughing ] Okay. Owen: You have got to stop doing cocaine. Lola: [ Breathlessly ] Okay. Your honor, I would like to call an expert medical witness to the stand -- myself. Objection -- on the grounds that I'm like, "What?" [ Chuckles ] Judge Harrison: I'll allow it, but you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Josh graven was suffering from benign epidermal non-carcinoma. It's a big mole. The chances of surviving that operation -- 0.001%. Owen didn't kll that kid. A bully named chances did. [ Sighs ] No further questions. [ Grunts ] Dr. Spratt, you may be an expert in the medical field. Lola: Yep. But you are a novice in the area of putting transparencies on overhead projectors. Lola: [ Gasps ] No. [ Breathing heavily ] Blake: [ Whispering ] Hey. Great move, bro. Wait. Is he your brother? Blake: No. It's just the way I talk...bro. Sy: Ha. You little minx. Cat: Mr. Mittleman, can we have a word? Sy: Got to go, girlfriend. You hear the news? Lamaze teacher told you to come down here and talk to me. Cat: I guess you really are the eyes and ears of this hospital. Glenn: What do you know about Josh graven, the boy who died during Owen's surgery? Sy: Listen, I heard that he was faking his illness in order to get some plastic surgery. Sound familiar, Glenn? Glenn: I had a deviated septum. Sy: Want to hear the real skinny? You go down the morgue and you check on that little kid's body. Talking about bodies, guess who put on a few pounds after their well-publicized nuptials? Glenn: sht in the dark -- Tilda Swinton? Sy: No. Cat: Let's go. Sy: One more thing. Dr. Valerie flame is going to be called as a surprise witness for the prosecution. Cat: Uh-oh. I'm gonna go to the courtroom. You go to the morgue. [ Cellphone rings ] Sy: Hello. Want to hear the news? You just called me. And in the time you've known Dr. Maestro, have you ever known him to be...rough with people? Valerie: He had a bank of school lockers installed at the hospital so that he'd have something to "push nerds into." Blake: Hmm. Personally, I'd be like, "guilty!" But out of respect for the court procedure, I'm all, "let's wait till the end." Lola: Oh! A moment, your honor. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it... Lola: Great. Judge Harrison: ...But you'd better be going somewhere with this, counselor. Lola: Thank you, your honor. Judge Harrison: What, I'm not gonna allow it? I'm not gonna see where this is going? Cat: Here's the coke you asked for. Lola: Thank God. Two secs, judge? Two secs. [ Sniffs ] Ha! [ Snorts ] Is Dr. Owen maestro a good person? No. In fact, what this witness forgot to mention is that he gave two-thirds of the hospital staff crabs. Isn't that right, Dr. Valerie flame? Valerie: Yes. Lola: Did he give you crabs, Dr. flame? Valerie: Yes. Lola: Yes. [ Spectators groan ] This witness is biased. Boom! No further questions. ♪ No further questions ♪ ♪ no further questions ♪ [ Normal voice ] Unh. [ Laughs ] Owen: That was amazing. Lola: What just happened? I am high right now. [ Laughs ] [ Sniffs ] Ah! Oh. [ Grunts ] I got this. [ Exhales sharply ] Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I know what bullying is. I am both a doctor and a lawyer because of overbearing parents who pushed me too hard. Also I'm single and no pets, et cetera. In a sense, I was bullied into becoming a huge success. Bullying can good. Yes, sometimes it has consequences, like a kid is slapped to death or you develop a massive cocaine habit. Dr. maestro slapped a kid, and that kid died. But to hold him responsible would be like blaming John Lennon's death on Mark David Chapman. Now, as a lawyer, I search for the truth. But as a doctor, I can tell you it swims in and out of that magical muscle that you laypeople call..."The heart." The defense rests. Dr. Maestro slapped that kid so he'd fight to live. All in favor of innocent? Blake: [ Chuckles ] Sounds like you're all too afraid to convict a bully like Owen Maestro. [ Sighs ] Look at yourselves. No? Okay, I will. You -- you're like, "Uh, I'm writing with my pen." You're like, "I got a pen, too, but I'm not even as good as that guy." And you're like... [ babbling ] Stop it. Why are you picking on us? Blake: Oh, my God. He's right. I've become the very thing that I condemn. I'm a bully. And...I'm... ♪ loving it ♪ All right! Let's go over this one more time, shrimp dumplings. Yeah, you heard me -- shrimp dumplings! Get used to it. We, the jury, find Dr. Owen Maestro... guilty. [ Spectators murmur ] I'm like, "Tell me something I don't know." Lola: [ Breathing heavily ] Glenn: [ Squeaking ] Lola: Oh! Your honor. I have one more witness I'd like to call. Objection. Judge Harrison: Overruled. Lola: Yes. Judge Harrison: I feel I have to allow it, given my pattern with that. Lola: Okay. The defense would like to call to the stand... Slap-mrder victim Josh graven. [ Spectators murmuring ] Young man...are you now or have you ever been...dad? Blake: Yes. Yes. Josh: No. [ Cheers and applause ] Judge Harrison: [ Bangs gavel ] Order in this court! Lola: [ Laughing ] Glenn: Found the kid hiding out in a drawer at the morgue playing video games and eating to-mah-to chips. Lola: But how did he fake his death? Glenn: Get this -- Lamaze. Lola: But why? Cat: Overbearing parents. Lola: Oh, I have the same problem. But I'd take a slow death over a fake one any day. Blake: Hey, guys. I, for one, learned a very valuable lesson today. Cat: He smells like dirty diapers. Glenn: He smells exactly like child feces. Lola: Yeah, he totally does. Judge Harrison: I'll allow it. 'Cause I, for one, really want to see where this is going, "clownselor." Sal: Attention, courtroom staff. I've been moonlighting as a P.A. announcer in the hospital. That is all. Lola: Aah! I'm alive!	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x12 - Childrens Lawspital"}	foreverdreaming
Tonight, one of the featured players of the beloved series "Childrens Hospital" has died tragically. We'll tell you which one. The answer might surprise you. And we revisit the age-old question -- which came first, the chicken or the egg? It's the chicken. All that and more tonight on "Newsreaders." For six decades, actor Cutter Spindell trod the well-worn path of the television character actor. Cutter: [Imitating german] Dog bartender. [ Laughter ] Louis: But it wasn't until "Childrens Hospital" that he became a household "where do I know that guy from?" Even appearing on an earlier version of this news program. So tell me, man, would you dig it if you were on this show for a long time? Cutter: Yeah. Are you kidding? Oh, man. I want to be on "Childrens Hospital" long after I have traveled the earth and have a family and become a millionaire, you know. I want to die on this show. Louis: Well, he achieved one of his goals, when, a month ago the cast and crew of "Childrens Hospital" prepared for a day they assumed would be like any other work day -- like Monday or Tuesday, Wednesday, for instance. Friday. And, yes, even Thursday. I want to show you the Knfe you're gonna be sab Blake with in the next scene, okay? It's completely rubber, so here you go. Lady Jane: [ English accent ] Yes, thank you. I'll just leave it right here with these real knives where I'll grab it right before we sh*t. Louis: Then, this happened. David: And action! Blake: Now, why don't you go get your shine box? Chief: [ Sighs ] [ Rock music plays ] Blake: [ Grunting ] David: And cut! Something's wrong. Is he okay? Lady Jane: David, come here quick. David: You're okay, right? Blake: No, of course. Yeah. Louis: That's right. Everything went exactly as scripted. Then this happened. [ Electricity crackling ] David: No, no, no. Nobody touch him -- you'll get electrocuted, too. Just... What are you doing? Okay, yeah. That's -- I see. Rob: Stand back, I got one of these jobbies! Louis: Rob Huebel plays Dr. Owen Maestro. Rob: And so I sprung into action, you know. My television-doctor instincts just kicked in. Clear! Aah! Clear! Lynn: Come on, that's a prop, a-hole! Move it. When I saw Huebel fail, then my natural instincts as an actor who wants to one-up her peers kicked in. Unfortunately, the last thing you want to do when someone's dying from electric shock is to give them more electric shocks. You know? Louis: Moments after the character Dr. Blake Downs was klled on screen, the actor who played him, Cutter Spindell, was also dad. The cast was thunderstruck, but their thunder was not half as struck as the writers' thunder... was struck. We have to write him out. Let's get some pizza, y'all. Plan to be here all weekend. Mm, looks like I miss shabbat again. David: You realize, the character of Blake Downs was never supposed to die. We had written this surprising plot twist where he was only stunned by the sab and he was gonna come back the next day severely injured, but still alive. I mean, we looked away and life happened. Louis: So, would it be accurate to say...they needed a solution and they needed it fast. This unexpected outcome called for some pretty creative thinking. David: I'm unclear if you're talking to me or if -- Louis: To the audience now. First to you, now to the audience. David: Okay. Louis: Actor Cutter Spindell was dad, but they still needed to kll his character on the show, Dr. Blake Downs. David: So we hired a look-alike to double for Cutter so we could sh*t a whole new scene where the Blake character is klled, but this time permanently. Okay, ladies and gentlemen, let's kll Blake. Here we go. And action! [ Female voice ] Officers, oh, thank God. Chief tried to mrder me. Luckily, she missed every major organ by millimeters, but I could easily have been thought of by most as dad. David: Okay, pause there. Now, can you make him a little thinner? That's good. Perfect, right there. How cool is that? Louis: It's interesting, but why not just hire an extra as thin as Cutter was? David: Maybe you should lose 25 pounds, huh? Why don't you take your own advice? [ Telephone rings ] Yes. I don't use landlines anymore. Thank you. Bang. Bang, bang. David: Cut! Louis: Unfortunately, the body double was also klled while filming. The final step was to record Blake's new lines. Impressionist Kevin Pollak was brought in to mimic Cutter Spindell's voice. [ Beeping ] Kevin: [ As Cutter ] Chief tried to kll me. Luckily, she missed every major organ by millimeters, but I could have easily been thought of by most as dad. David: Good. Yeah. Kevin: Yeah. Can I try one as Christopher Walken? [ As Christopher Walken ] Chief tried to kll me. Wow. Luckily, she missed every major organ by millimeters. David: Sure, great. Kevin: How about one as Albert Brooks? [ As Albert Brooks ] Chief tried to kll me. Is it me? I'm gonna go lie down. I feel nauseous. [ As Al Pacino ] Hoo-ah! Chief tried to kll me. Luckily... Louis: When all the pieces came together, Dr. Blake Downs was very much dad. [ Female voice ] Officers, oh, thank God. Chief tried to mrder me. Kevin: [ As Blake ] Luckily, she missed every major organ by millimeters. Blake: But I could easily have been thought of by most as dad. Briggs: What did you say? You're dad?! Blake: No. Briggs: Officers, he's dad, and he's still walking. He must be a zombie. sh*t to kll. Blake: No! Owen: Briggs, you got it all wrong! Louis: With the episode in the can, the cast now had to come to terms with the passing of their co-star. Dixie: Why did Cutter have to die? You know, it's like, I want answers, you know? I want them now. Louis: Well, his heart stopped. He touched an exposed junction box, and he was electrocuted. Dixie: Oh, I guess that makes sense, yeah. Louis: Cast member Just Falcon. Do you miss him? Falcon: I don't know. Louis: Did you love him? Falcon: Yeah. Louis: Did you respect him? Falcon: Pass. Louis: Do you miss him? Falcon: Do you love him? Do you love him? Louis: Yeah. [ Sighs ] Yeah. Falcon: Tell me about it. Louis: He brought a lot of joy to my life. Falcon: [ Muttering ] Louis: I asked the show's director what's next for "Childrens Hospital." David: Our job as television producers, as cultural ambassadors in the mass media, is to teach the American people about grief and loss and death, and you're welcome. We -- Louis: And now an exclusive look at scenes from next week's episode. How will they tell the story of this death? The answer is, yes, they will, and how. Dr. Maestro, could you give this to Dr. Downs? I made it for him special. Owen: Well, I'm afraid that Dr. Downs isn't coming back, son. Oh. Well, can you give it to him tomorrow, then? Owen: I'm afraid he's not gonna be coming back tomorrow either. You could drop it off at his house. Owen: Well, he's never coming home. He's dad. For how long? Owen: Forever. How could he be gone forever unless he was dad? Owen: Well, that's the part I'm trying to make clear to you -- he is dad. So when's he coming back? Monday? Owen: No, not on Monday. He's -- Tuesday? Owen: No, not on Tuesday. Wednesday? Owen: No. Friday? Owen: We could sit here all day, bro. Saturday? Owen: Keep going. Nope. He's not coming ba-- Sunday? Owen: No, he's dad as a doornail. Can I call him? Owen: No. Can I text? Owen: You are being very disrespectful to d*ad people. January? Owen: I told you. Are you from hell? I'm trying to tell you, he's not coming back. He's not coming back ever. You got that?! Thursday? Dori: Hurry! He's flatlining. Cat: Clear! Glenn: No, don't touch him. This was Blake's patient. [ Monitor flatlines ] Oh, my God. Turn that off. That's annoying. Lola: Blake Downs never lost faith in the one thing that mattered most -- the healing power of laughter. Because whenever medicine let him down, laughter lifted him up, soaring as if he were some kind of animal that could fly. Crazy, right -- an airborne animal? Glenn: An airbornimal. Lola: Let's call it an airbornimal. And if you can believe in an animal that could fly, then also imagine that it laughs. So until the day comes that a new doctor made up like a clown appears in our lives... Blake, you will be missed. David: And cut. Lynn: Euehhhhh. Oh, it was a mouthful. What about birds, right? Birds are animals that can fly, right? Lady Jane: Oh, God. Are you serious? Oh, my God. That was endless. Louis: Cutter Spindell's family generously donated his real corpse to be used in his character's funeral scene. But the question remains, can "Childrens Hospital" go on without one of its stars? Short answer -- yes. Long answer -- yes, it can. Next week, the goliath grouper, or jewfish-- do they control the riverbanks? And more of my conversation with Kate Walsh. Kate: [ Laughs ] Ohhhh! Louis: Next week on "Newsreaders." [ Theme music plays ] So, you're thinking of having children? Cutter: Well, you know, when I meet the right girl. Louis: Well, could you pick a better girl? Cutter: No, I think -- I think this is a guest, your next guest. Louis: Oh, you're my -- oh, yes, the artist, of course. Well, let's get drunk. Cutter: All right. This will be my first drink in 25 years. Ohh! Oh! Daddy's back! Daddy's back! [ Laughs ] Oh, let's get another one, huh? Don't touch me, man.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "04x14 - Eulogy"}	foreverdreaming
Lola: Blake Downs never lost faith in the one thing that mattered most... the healing power of laughter. His death was a surprise to us all, except officer Briggs. So until the day comes that a new doctor made up like a clown appears in our lives... Blake, it will be challenging to forget you. [ Mid-tempo music plays ] 5.01 - A New Hope Sy: Now, I have two pieces of news. I have good news, I have bad news, and the first is, this hospital has got termites. Owen: What's the bad news? Sy: That was the bad news. Owen: Not to me, not by a long sht. Let's just keep in mind that termites are just doing their thing, trying to make it on this big ol' ball of dirt like everybody else. Sy: We're gonna have to evacuate the hospital for 14 weeks while they fill it with termite poison. Sy: But I have secured us a lucrative contract with the U.S. Defense Department, and we are going to oversee the opening of a brand-new clinic on a U.S. army base in Japan. Owen: No. [ Indistinct shouting ] Not going to Japan! Dori: That is so complicated! Glenn: We're joining the army? Owen: I don't like anime. Sy: No, we're not joining the army. We are private contractors. Owen: I think I'll stay here with the termites, thank you. Sy: You can't stay here with the termites. They're gonna fill the hospital with poison. Owen: I don't have a problem with termite poison. Let's keep in mind that termite poison is just doing its thing, trying to make it on this crazy ball of dirt, just like everybody else. Sy: Just be on the plane. Dori: Too bad Blake is missing this. Cat: Yeah, he loved termite poison. Dori: I meant Japan. Blake hated Brazil. Glenn: Which, of course, as we all know, is... where this hospital is... Brazil. Blake: [ Gasps ] [ Grunts ] Childrens: Hello, Blake. I'm Arthur Childrens. We're all glad you're out of what we're calling a coma. You were sab many times and then sht. And now you suffer from total amnesia. This video will catch you up, but don't ht any keys while it plays. [ Beeps ] Your name is Blake Edward Downs. You are a pediatric surgeon at Childrens Hospital, Sao Paulo, Brazil. You are a male. You have a large penis, but tiny testicles. You are of the clown species... Genus: City clown. Race: blue and red. Frankly, you are not well-liked. But you have always been very special to us, Blake. Very special. Hey. A guy can't sit on the toilet for 10 minutes, enjoying a snack? You weren't supposed to leave the room. You can't know about all this. I'm sorry, buddy. Blake: Huh? [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. [ Grunts ] Aah! Oh, geez. Sal: Attention staff... welcome to Japan, which is where we are right now. That is all. Owen: I can't believe we're in Japan. Cat: You guys, this is my first trip to Asia. Glenn: I didn't know they had sick children in Japan. Sy: Where is that army captain to show us around? [ Indistinct conversations ] Greetings, private contractors! I'm Captain Tripper, and you all are 31 seconds late! And that makes me mad. Pulling out of Afghanistan mad. Now all y'all follow me. I clock a masculine pace. Try to keep up. Cat: Out of my way! If there's one thing soldiers hate, it's private contractors, especially ones that are bespectacled, naturally large-breasted, or jewish! But as long as you are on this base, you will conduct yourselves in a manner that is befitting the U.S. military! Body-cavity searches at 0630. You're doctors, so I don't have to tell you how we get in there, but it will be the butt hole. If you have Playboys or Joni Mitchell cassettes stored up in there, I suggest you get them out now! Now join me in the painful-vaccination room. Owen: Thanks for being jewish and bespectacled, guys. Glenn: Hey, he was referring to you when he said naturally large-breasted. Owen: I'm on my period, Glenn. Glenn: Stop it! Owen: You stop it! Glenn: You do not ht... Cat: Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! [ Roaring ] Fight! Sy: Sir, I am so sorry, but my team is not generally like this. Sy... Yeah? What do you know about the Japanese? Sy: Uh, they squat when they smoke. They have no calf definition. They speak another language. And they always bat us in our annual charity sumo-wrestling match against the Japanese army. Sy: I did not know that fact. Until now. Cat: Fight! Fight! But not anymore. [ Gas hissing ] Ah! Ah. Looks like I need to take some more speed. Blake: [ Gasps ] Woman: Clone unit 26 now online. Hi. Childrens: Your father was a migrant bean farmer. Your mother, an obese... ...the cold wr? Ay-ay-ay... In San Francisco, women brned their undergarments... The Bee Gees's "Night Fever" was the number 2 ht, beaten out, ironically, by brother Andy Gibb's "Shadow Dancing." The end. Okay. Childrens: But let's go over your bank-account numbers and Internet passwords one more time. All right, let's get rambling. Blake: [ Gasps ] Unh! [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. Sal: Attention staff... sumo practice begins on the quad at 0500. That is the first time I've ever said anything like that. ht the showers, men! Sal: That is all. You're off the team. Now, who is it gonna be? Oh, I know. The fat one. Cat: I'm puffy from the flight. Not you, Joan Baez. You. Chet: Cool. Let's limber up. [ Beeping ] Blake: [ Gasps ] Woman: Clone unit 27 now online. You ready? Let me help you there. You're a little weak. Hold on. You're kind of caught up here. Listen, I know you're weak. You got to help me out here. You got to help me, buddy. Noooooo! [ Defibrillator discharges ] [ Flatline ] [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. Childrens: Your father was a migrant bean farmer, your mother... No, no, Derek, it's fine. We have plenty. It's okay. Trust me. We ran into a few snags, but now we're all systems go. [ Defibrillator discharges ] Yeah. Tru... [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. [ Grunting ] Blake: [ Gasps ] All right, Sleeping Beauty. You got to stand right here for a second. You good? I'm gonna get rid of all this dangerous stuff so we don't have a repeat. Aah! Dude! What are you doing?! No! What... what is wrong with you?! Right up those stairs and go be a doctor, all right? He's on his way up to the hospital level. What?! Termite poison?! [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. [ Beeping ] Blake: [ Gasps ] Careful. This way. All right. Here's your plane ticket. You'll be in Japan soon, and you can catch up with all your friends. Blake: [ Breathes deeply ] [ Dramatic music plays ] [ Indistinct shouting ] [ Crowd groaning ] Damn it! Who's next?! Put your hand down! Blake: I'll be next. What you doing? A little... a little sumo action? Wakuda! Wakuda? That's right! You doughy-calved bitches forfeit! We got a Wakuda! See, your friend over here, he looks like a Kabuki Demon character that scares the hell out of Japanese soldiers! Blake: [ Laughing ] Well, how about that? You guys won me over. You know, I was gonna ride your ass the whole time you were here, but now I'm just gonna let you do your thing. In fact, you're probably never gonna see me again. Cat: Oh. Hi, Blake. Glenn: Took a while for them to wake another one this time. Cat: Shh, shh, shh! Blake: What... what do you... mean "another one"? What, is... What, is there like, uh... there, like, more of me or something? Sy: Good going, Glenn. Blake: Aah! Sy: You're gonna pay for that, Glenn. Clones cost money! Glenn: You know, bllts cost money, too. Cat: Money doesn't grow on trees. Chet: Money and bitches, right, guys? Yes, I do have an Ace. There you go. "I love playing cards with you, Terry. You're my best friend." [ Alarm blaring ] Woman: Unit failure. Blake: [ Gasps ] [ Philadelphia Grand Jury's "Ready to Roll" plays ] ♪ You ♪ ♪ I just want you to know ♪ ♪ that I ♪ ♪ am about to get my game on ♪ ♪ I'm not like the other brothers ♪ ♪ I'm not like the other brothers ♪ ♪ I'm not like the other brothers ♪ ♪ I'm not like the other brothers ♪ ♪ but I'm ready to roll ♪ Sal: Attention staff... I wrote some airplane-food jokes on the flight over here, and, boy, are my arms tired... from writing so many airplane-food jokes. That is all.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x01 - A New Hope"}	foreverdreaming
Cat: Michael asked me to marry him. [ Both gasp ] Cat: I'm engaged! [ All scream ] Owen: Can I be your best man? Cat: You know I love you, but... the best man is going to be... 5.04 - Country Weekend Non-existent. [ Sighs ] Yeah. We're just doing, like, a casual thing with friends. Glenn: That way, everybody has a nice time. Betty: Just doing a last-minute spruce up before the guests arrive for the weekend. Cat: Oh, Betty. You've always cared for my family's country home as if it's your job. Betty: It is my job. [ Horn honks ] Cat: Oh, hi! You guys drove! Glenn: We made it here, okay? All right? Yeah, I took one wrong turn out of 100 turns. Hey, Cat. Cat: Tough drive? Marvin: No! I'm not in the charity business. Look... We either like the number or not, or I shove it up your ass. Lola: Sorry. Things are really crazy at Marvin's work. Marvin: It was just made-up. Glenn: He's been yapping on the phone the whole time. Lola: I know, I know. Glenn: I'm not talking about him behind his back. He's standing right there. He can hear me. Not everybody's deaf, you know. Owen: Hey! Lola: Hi. Oh, Owen and Denise. Owen: How great that your parents' country home is in the same part of Japan as the army base that we're living on? Lola: It's practically unbelievable. Cat: Oh, I'm just so glad you could make it. Denise: Any chance to spend some quality time with my hubby. Cat: Aww, you two. Owen: Oh, man. I am crazy about my wife. Glenn: You are so lucky. Sherry and I haven't gotten along since that time before we met. [ Horn honks ] Cat: Oh, guys, hey! Val and Al are here! Hey! Lola: I forgot. Val is dating comedy-music legend Weird Al Yankovic. Valerie: Hi, guys. This is my boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al: Please, call me Weird Al... Yankovic. Or just Weird Al Yankovic. Whatever you're more comfortable with. Val's told me so many funny stories about one of you. [ All laugh ] Glenn: I heard you the first time, Sherry. I'm not blind. Okay, well, you keep yelling like that, you're gonna break something. Oh, my God. Hmm. Owen: Everyone, I'd like to propose a toast. Cat: Aww. Marvin: What part of "final offer" don't you understand? Lola: Honey, honey. Marvin: I talked to you a few days ago about this. Owen: To Cat. Denise: Aww. Weird Al: Powerful. Cat: You're gonna make me cry. Denise: Boo-boo... Lola: Wait, you guys. We're toasting the bride, but we haven't even met the groom. [ All laugh ] Cat: [ Sighing ] Oh, gosh. No, Michael's on his way home from work, and if he is running on time, he'll be here in 60 seconds. Michael: Actually, I was gonna take the 9:15 train out of the city, but I finished up early and jumped on the 9:14. Cat: Michael... Michael: Hi, baby. Cat: Hey. [ Smooches ] I wasn't expecting you for another minute. Michael: Nice to meet you all. Cat's told me so many funny stories about all but one of you. Cat: Michael's in the music business. Michael: Yeah, I'm a cashier at Guitar Center. Denise: Ooh. Cat: He's met Alex Van Halen twice. Valerie: Second to Eddie, that is the Van Halen you want to meet. Cat: So, this is Owen and his wife, Denise. And Valerie and her boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic. Michael: Oh, hey. Cat: And that's Marvin over there. And my white housekeeper, Betty. And, finally, my very best friend in the world... Together: Lola Spratt. Lola: Hi, Michael. Cat: How do you two know each other? Lola: From Columbia. I was pre-med. Michael: And I was pre... What was it again? Lola: [ Laughs ] Cat: [ Laughing ] Pre-what? What was it again? Valerie: Cat, are you all right? Glenn: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some very disturbing news. My wife, Sherry's, been sab. She's dad. Owen: Somebody call 911. Cat: My folks don't believe in landlines, so we have to use someone's cell. Lola: We could ask Marvin to use his. Owen: We'll just have to wait till he gets off. Denise: Sweetie, you used to be a police officer. You can conduct the investigation for the time being. Glenn: Great idea. Owen: Okay. Cat: She's right. Owen: Meanwhile, no one here should worry about this. A woman has been sab, probably by someone who's walking among us, but the important thing is to focus on the beautiful wedding of Cat and Michael taking place tomorrow. Denise: Aww... Lola: Aww... Weird Al: Powerful. Cat: Not that I care at all, but how come you never mentioned anything about you and Lola? [ Slams ] [ Thud ] Michael: What do you want me to say? Am I supposed to report to you every single detail of my entire life?! Cat: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. [ Chuckling ] I'm sorry. Michael: I'm gonna get a snack. You want anything? Cat: Um...I'll take whatever's just lying around. I mean, if there's a couscous medley, I'll take it in a tagine. Michael: [ Humming ] Lola: Let me guess. Peanut butter on bread. Michael: [ Chuckles ] You remembered. Lola: It feels like just yesterday... the day I met you at that party in the 1990's. Lola: [ Chuckles ] What is that awesome smell? Is that peanut butter and bread? Michael: Not quite. Peanut butter on bread. Lola: [ Chuckles ] Michael: It's kind of my specialty. Here. Try it. Lola: Okay. Mmm. It's peanut buttery, but I can definitely taste the bread in there, too. Michael: That's exactly... what I was going for. Lola: I'm Lola. Pre-med. Michael: Michael. Pre-ejculte making its way up my vas deferens. Lola: [ Sighs ] Michael: I figure since you're pre-med, you understand what I'm saying. Lola: You know, I still think of you fondly every time I see or taste bread. Michael: Yeah? Lola: Yeah. Michael: Well, we should get some sleep, huh? Lola: Yeah. Good night. Michael: Good night. [ Classical music plays ] Marvin: Dude, you're klling me here. No, I'll call it off. I don't care. No. You tell... Michael: [ Sighs ] Together: Oh, I didn't see you come in. [ Both laugh ] Lola: [ Sighs ] Are you in the middle of a number two right now? Michael: No. Too nervous. Lola: Good. [ Moans ] Who are we kidding? Oh, this was bound to happen. Oh, Michael. Oh, I haven't had sex on a toilet in months. Glenn: Oh, here comes Cat. Valerie: She looks so beautiful. Glenn: Oh, she looks great. Owen: Oh, she went with the white dress. Michael: I can't do this. Cat: Michael. Michael: I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm sorry, Cat. The wedding's off. Cat: Why? Owen: I can tell you why. Because his fiancée... is a mrder! [ All gasp ] Glenn: What? Owen: It look a while to put it all together, but now it makes perfect sense. Cat hated Glenn's wife, Sherry, from moment one. Sherry is a woman that can't hear anything at all! Then there's the matter of the wapon. The wapon was a stainless steel Knfe purchased from where? A department store. Now, then. It gives me pause as far as this being as... [ sighs ] strong a case as I'd hoped when I... heard it in my head before I started speaking. And it is actually unlikely that Cat did this mrder at all. And now it's just anxiety that I have as I... look around and see everybody looking. [ Thunder crashes ] Denise! Lola: Marvin?! Marvin: What? What can I say? You caught us. I'm having sex with Denise right now. There's no denying it. Lola: So, Marvin, were you on the phone with Denise the whole time negotiating the terms of your impending affair? Marvin: In a nutshell, yes. That's right. Owen: Denise, how could you? Denise: Let's face it, Owen. I want to have fun, and you always want to investigate Sherry's mrder. Of course I had sex with Marvin. How could I not? Owen: Wait, what? Lola: Well, then I have an announcement to make, too. Michael and I are in love. And we've decided to be together. Michael: It's too late, Lola. I'm in love with someone else. Lola: What? Michael: It happened when we were in the bathroom. Lola: But... Michael: I love you. Michael: I've been wanting to quit my job, but you needed me to be the big, fancy cashier at Guitar Center, and, you know what? I never met Alex Van Halen. Lola: [ Gasps ] Michael: I only told you that I met A.V.H., 'cause that's the kind of cashier that you needed me to be. Cat: No. I... Michael: Betty's the first woman to give me the courage to pursue my dreams. So she and I are gonna live together. And we're both gonna work for Weird Al Yankovic. Weird Al: That's right. Betty's gonna manage my Twitter account, and Michael is gonna be my personal cashier. Valerie: Were you gonna mention this to me? Weird Al: No, I wasn't. Why? Michael: Well, there's nothing left to say. I, uh, got a taxi waiting outside if you want a ride. Betty, Marvin, Weird Al, Denise. [ Zipper zips ] [ Door opens ] [ Thunder crashes ] [ Door closes ] Glenn: Oh, Mondays, right? The weekends are never quite long enough. Owen: Hey, that reminds me, Glenn. About your wife's sab... You know, I'm kind of stumped on this. Everybody seems to have an alibi but you. Glenn: All right, listen. Listen to me. I did it, okay? I klled Sherry. But it was only because I was angry at her. Owen: Oh. That's why your prints were on the Knfe. You did it. Glenn: That's exactly right. Owen: I just figured it out. Glenn: Should we go to the cops? Owen: I'll tell you what. Just this once, I'm gonna take off my investigator hat and I'm gonna put on my friend hat and let you off with a warning. Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Wow. Thank you, buddy. Owen: I owe you. You know, you just helped me solve the big mrder case. Glenn: [ Chuckling ] I did. Owen: So now we're even. [ Chuckles ] Glenn: Okay. Owen: I love you, buddy. Glenn: I love you, too. Lola: Has anyone ever told you that you look like an older Weird Al Yankovic? Michael: Yeah.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x04 - Country Weekend"}	foreverdreaming
Dr. Brian: I'm looking for Dr. Lola Spratt... tall, skin like an airbrushed centerfold, legs that go all the way up to make an ass out of themselves. Lola: [ Scoffs ] Lola is a girl's name. I thought girls can't be doctors. Dr. Brian: Maybe I'm looking for a girl to play doctor. 5.06 - The gng Gets Sushi Lola: [ As Cat ] Such a pleasure to meet you. [ Laughter ] Cat: I do do that. God, Lola, your impressions are so amazing. Do Glenn now. Lola: Oh, easy. Glenn: Oh, God. Lola: [ As Glenn ] But why not? Is it because I'm Jewish? Glenn: I swear, you do me saying, "But why not? Is it because I'm Jewish?" then insecurely touching my yarmulke better than I do. You really do. What about Blake? Do Blake. Lola: Okay. [ As Blake ] You want to sponsor me in my Ironman Triathlon in May, huh? But keep in mind... I will not practice, and I will not try. [ Laughter ] Blake: Okay. All right. Spot on, except that the triathlon is in June. Dori: Hey, do me. Do me. Lola: [ Normal voice ] I don't know who you are. Dori: Oh. Glenn: Lola, what's your secret? Lola: The secret is to hone in on something specific that someone does and then... do that thing just like them. Glenn: That's the secret. Cat: Just like them? Lola: Like when Owen is separating ventricles, he's like, [as Owen] "I'm Dr. Owen Maestro. Snip, snip, snip." [ Squishing, monitor beeping ] Glenn: Oh, B.P.'s dropping. Lola: Nurse. I'm so sorry. I'll undo that. Glenn: Suction. Owen: Separating the ventricles. Back it off. Glenn: Hey, are we all going to that sushi place tonight? Blake: Yeah. Lola: I would not miss a night out with my best pals. Glenn: Well, we better get going, because that place gets crowded quick. Glenn: Hey, nurse, y-you can finish a heart surgery, right? Dori: I'll give it a sht. Glenn: These guys got a soft-shell crab roll. It's better than a tuna roll. [ Chuckling ] That's the thing. In Japan, they don't call it Japanese food. They just call it food. Cat: Come on, Lola. The sushi's gonna get cold. Lola: I'm coming. I'm printing up another photo of us for my wallet. Cat: But we're your living, breathing photo for your wallet. Lola: [ Chuckling ] True. But still. Cat: Ohh. Glenn: All right. See you there, Lola. Cat: All right, roomie. Lola: Bye. Glenn: She loves those photos. Cat: I know, even though we're just right here. Lola: Ohh. Okay. Aww. Wait. What? [ Gasps ] Two, three. Liar. Ugh. [ Echoing ] Lola. Lola: [ Gasps ] Good morning, Dr. Spratt. Lola: Where am I? What's going on? Relax. The lieutenant will tell you everything. In fact, I believe you two knew each other. Lola: How would you know? Because he... Dr. Brian: ...is me. Lola: Brian? Dr. Brian: What's 5'9", has hair the color of raw honey, and breasts so tear-shaped it looks like her sternum is weeping? Answer... Lola Spratt. Lola: You left without saying goodbye. You left here, out of the blue. Dr. Brian: I couldn't say goodbye. They grabbed me the same way we grabbed you. Now, let's get you in some clothes and take a walk around the facility. Lola: Like, different clothes? Dr. Brian: We've been watching you, Lola. Intel says you're the most talented impressionist they've seen in decades. I guess we'll see. Lola: Well, there's one impression I'll never be able to do, and that's of a woman who still loves you. Dr. Brian: Well, maybe we should work on that one. After my training, Frank Caliendo could do an impression of a woman who was still in love with me in his sleep. Lola: Oh, not a chance. Dr. Brian: This isn't about me and you, Lola. Your country needs you. As Mr. Morgan Freeman would say... [As Morgan freeman] Your training begins now. [ Normal voice ] This job will test every technique and trick you've ever learned. Lola: [ As John Kimble ] It's not a tumor! Dr. Brian: More Austrian. I will asault your senses with the most sophisticated vocal-training exercises in the world. Lola: [ As Julia Child ] I'm Julia child. Dr. Brian: Better. More marbles. An impressionist embodies his subject. This isn't Michael! Lola: [ Sings high note ] Dr. Brian: Better. No impression is too obscure. [ As Andrew Dice Clay ] And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?" [ Laughing ] Oh, oh, oh. Aah! Dr. Brian: Good! Lola: [ Laughs ] Dr. Brian: Austin Powers reality show. Lola: [ As Austin powers ] Oh, you're fired, baby, yeah. Dr. Brian: Good. You will be tested mentlly, as well as physically. Lola: [ Normal voice ] China. Brazil. Dr. Brian: No! Lola: Ahh! I should know that one... I lived there. Dr. Brian: Now you're Rodney Dangerfield. What are they? Lola: Uh... Oh! [ As Rodney Dangerfield ] Ohh, I get no respect. Dr. Brian: Good. Now you're Groucho Marx. What are they? Lola: [ Normal voice ] Uh... [ As Groucho ] That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Dr. Brian: Now nunchuks. Go! Go! Go! Lola: [ Screams ] Joan Rivers as Abe Lincoln. Lola: [ As Joan Rivers ] Fourscore and seven years ago... sounds like my sex life. Can we talk? Dr. Brian: You're ready. Lola: [ Normal voice ] Mm. I miss you guys. [ Groans ] My throat feels like it's been on its feet for days, and my facial muscles are barking. Dr. Brian: [ Foreign accent ] Go on. Tell me more. Lola: Oh, I hope Brian's pleased. Dr. Brian: [ Normal voice ] He is. Lola: Brian. Dr. Brian: I'm proud of you, Lola. I brought you something. It's a wireless communication device. I wore this on my first mission. Peace rally in Chicago. I was supposed to do Jesse Jackson over the P.A. Something like, [as Jesse Jackson] "Ladies and gentlemen, I am a-Jesse Jackson." Lola: What? [ Chuckles ] Dr. Brian: [ Normal voice ] Two men got sht that night. Lola: Oh. Dr. Brian: Your first mission is tonight. Once a year, the chairman of N.A.T.O. holds a dinner for a hand-picked group of military leaders. Deals are made, and secrets are passed around like a plate of hors d'oeuvres. Hors d'oeuvres are also passed around. I'll be on the radio at all times. Lola: So, am I impersonating a dignitary? [ Russian accent ] Maybe Russian arms dealer? Dr. Brian: Shh. That's him. Chairman Desmit, 4:00. Lola: [ Normal voice ] Copy that. Got him. [ Glass clinks ] Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Brian: This is it, Lola. You're on. Lola: What? But I don't know the mission. Dr. Brian: Your mission is to entertain them. Desmit loves impressions. Lola: Ah. Dr. Brian: Remember your training. So, please welcome the woman of a thousand voices, Lola Spratt. [ Applause ] Lola: Thank you. I recently traveled here by military helicopter. And you'll never guess who was with me... Jerry Seinfeld. [ As Seinfeld ] What's the deal with these helicopters? They go up. They go down. Only thing they don't do is have a bathroom. Dr. Brian: What are you doing, Lola? Lola: [ Normal voice ] And then someone else joined us. It was a Mr. Forrest Gump. And he says, [as Forrest Gump] "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get with these helicopters." Dr. Brian: Why would a fictional character be in the same helicopter as a real person? Lola: Oh, look. There's Yoda. [ As Yoda ] Mm. Use the force with this helicopter you must. Dr. Brian: Abort mission. Repeat. Abort mission. Lola? Lola! Damn. Ready the Eagle's Nest. She's gone rogue. Lola: [ Normal voice ] Ladies and gentlemen, I've often wondered what the classic "who's on first" routine would sound like if it were between Julia Child and Christopher Walken. Now, I think it might sound a little something like this. Dr. Brian: On my command, Eagle. [ gn cocks ] Lola: [ As Julia Child ] Well, I'm Julia Child. We have a wonderful team of players with the funniest names. [ As Christopher Walken ] What names? What are these funny names? And another guy hits a long fly ball. He's on third. And I don't give a darn. [ As Julia child ] Oh, yes. He's a shortstop. [ Speaking native language ] [ Applause ] Dr. Brian: Stand down, Eagle. Mission complete. Repeat. Mission complete. Righteous. [ Applause continues ] Lola: [ Chuckles ] We did it. [ Glasses clink ] Dr. Brian: You did it, Lola. I'm not the only one who's impressed. We want you to join our elite squadron. You'll be traveling the world, doing impressions of everyone from local Afghani w*r lords to local Afghani gay lords. Lola: I don't know. Brian, I can't leave my friends. Dr. Brian: I think I know somebody who could be your friend. Lola: Is he about 5'8", skin the color of a tall nonfat latte? And do the front of his pants contain a secret also the color of a... [Gasps] Brian, I... I can't. Goodbye. [ Sobs ] [ Sighs ] [ Sighs ] [ Laughter ] Dori: Lola, where have you been? Lola: Hi, guys. Cat: God, we had the craziest dinner. Did you know that sushi is raw? We were all like, "Okay, what?" Blake: Yeah, I ate a hunk of wasabi, thinking it was guacamole. I was like, "Okay, what?" Owen: Lola, you would have loved... Lola? Cat: Where'd she go? Glenn: Lola? Dori: All her stuff is gone. Cat: She must be off on her own journey. ♪ And the winter sky ♪ ♪ Sings a lonely song ♪ ♪ The drama goes deep ♪ ♪ Between you and me ♪ ♪ Where is my standing ovation? ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ For the light of the sun ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ Ah, ah ♪ ♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪ ♪ Don't wait up ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪ ♪ Don't wait up for me ♪ ♪ For the light of the sun comes up or goes down ♪	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x06 - The g*ng Gets Sushi"}	foreverdreaming
Previously on Childrens Hospital Doctor, I need you to help me out. Blake: Well, certainly. Which way did you come in? [ Breathes deeply ] What do I do for a headache? Sy: Take this hammer, h*t yourself in the head, then you'll have a headache. Ga-zing. Chief: Ma'am, calm down. You're hysterical. No, it's my son. He swallowed a roll of film. Chief: Well, let's hope nothing develops. When I press my leg, it hurts. When I press my chest, it hurts. When I press my stomach, it hurts. What's wrong with me? Sy: So straightforward. You've got a sore finger. Wah-wah-wahh. Doctor, my nose runs and my feet smell. Blake: Well, I'm afraid you may have been built upside down. Haaaaaaaaaa-haa! [ Mid-tempo music plays ] Sal: Attention, staff. The base commander talks without using his mouth for some reason. You'll see what I mean. Glenn: [ Sighs ] Another boring day. Chief: [ Yawns ] Yeah. Aah! Clown! Blake: [ Scoffs ] See that? [ Chuckles ] That never happens to me. People love me all the time. [ Chuckles ] Must be something really, really scary behind me. Aah! It's Sy and another guy! Run! Commander Tandy: [ Sighs ] I do so hate seeing young children cry. Sy: Yeah, I'm pretty okay with it. Commander Tandy: You know, Sy, having your medical team here has been really great for the kids. I...I just wish there was something more we could do for them. Sy: We could have a theme day. We did that a lot at childrens. We had outside day, Thursday Doris day, day pride day, and Daniel day-Lewis day. Commander Tandy: Ugh. You know, please shush, shush, shush, shush. Cool it with the themes, Sy. Call me old-fashioned, but in my day, all you ever needed was one example of anything. Sy: I think you just solved it. Olde fashioned day. We could do everything the way they used to back then. Commander Tandy: Yes. That's a great idea, Sy. I'll start getting all the paperwork ready for cent-comm. Sy: Paperwork? That sounds like a lot of red tape. Blake: I hate Sy's theme days. Glenn: [ Grunts ] I miss my boxer briefs. These long jonathans are itching my bell end. Blake: Yeah. Olde fashioned day's stupid. Look, mom. He's funny. [ Laughs ] Blake: What do you mean I'm funny? It's just...You know. Blake: No, I don't know. You said it, okay? How am I funny? Like... like, I amuse you? Chief: [ Elderly voice ] Blake, you've got it all wrong. Blake: No, no, no, no, olde fashioned chief. He knows what he said. He's a big boy. What did you say? Huh? How am I funny? I'm just trying to understand this, 'cause, I don't know. Maybe I'm a little [bleep] up, you know? How am I funny? Like, I'm a clown? Oh! Oh! You like clowns! [ Laughs ] Blake: Wow. Hey, thank you. No, thank you. Blake: Clowns were like rock stars back then. Oh, olde fashioned day is great. Sy: We will be seeing you all at the banquet and vespers concert? Glenn: Hey, uh, are Jews allowed? Sy: That's a very good question. Glenn: Oh. Sy: You know what we're serving? We're serving barbecued shoat and sugar cane. Chief: [ Normal voice ] Oh, my God! I love shoat! Blake: I'm gonna go purge. Commander Tandy: Everyone's really embraced your idea, Sy. Sy: I'm so proud. Commander Tandy: The base has never been so...alive. Sy: Should we carry on? Commander Tandy: In a second. [ Grunts ] Okay, let's go. Sy: Okay. Well done, chief. Chief: [ Panting ] Blake: Hah. What? Hah! [ Children laugh ] Chief: Put him in there forever and ever and ever. You're never gonna grow up. Good luck, mister. He's just a kid. Glenn: Did you know that people used alcohol to stop coughs and to numb the pain of arranged marriages? [ Indistinct talking ] Aah! Blake: [ Laughing ] [ Laughter ] Yeah? Yeah? Sal: Hear ye, hear ye, staff. Reminder... no smoking in your olde fashioned day costumes. They are rentals, and it's really hard to get that smell out. Return to your normal habits tomorrow. That's tomorrow, when everything goes back to normal. Beth: Okay, all right. I'm going in town to get supplies. Glenn: Oh, yeah? What are you gonna buy? Beth: I can't tell you that, Glenn. Glenn: Why not? Beth: Because I don't want to ruin the supplies. Glenn: Still doing the olde fashioned thing, huh? Chief: Sy, this kid's tissue is necrotic. We need antibiotics and a thermal wrap. Sy: I know, but all the modern medical equipment is still under lock and key. Until we get it, we can use a hank of pig intestines. Chief: What?! Sy: We'll suck the infection out. Glenn: Guys, guys, what's going on? I thought olde fashioned day was over. Sy: Well, it is, but, you know, the red tape is a little harder to undo. Blake: So we have to make do with what we have, which means maggot therapy or amputation. I'll go heat up an axe. That's crazy. Glenn: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody's amputating anything. Blake: Do you quarrel with me, sir? Glenn: What? Dori: Blake had a really good day yesterday. So it's gone a little bit to his head. Blake: Whoa! Whoa! You will regret that, Hebrew. Sy: Glenn, please do me a favor. Just go put on your Fiddler costume, all right? Glenn: No. Sy: I'm gonna go and check on the bureaucracy and keep moving it along. Glenn: Great. You do that. Chief: What am I supposed to do with this? Glenn: Shove it up your ass. Blake: You just can't move any part of your face. Commander Tandy: It's more like I don't choose to move any part of my face. Blake: Oh, oh, okay. Glenn: There's commander Tandy. He'll figure this out. Blake: There he is. As laid down by olde fashioned day directive, an employee shall not wear modern dress on olde fashioned day. Commander Tandy: I'm sorry. I had no choice. Arrest this man! Glenn: Why? What are you... what?! What? Commander Tandy: Well, rules are rules, my friend. I had no choice but to invoke martial law. Blake: Anyone else care to challenge me? You know, because there's, uh, still room left in the menstrual hut. [ Sniffs ] Dori: You have to come quick. Chief: Oh. Dori: The kid with the rotten arm is in shock. Glenn: Hey! Sy: Oh, my goodness, the order hasn't gone through yet. Blake: This kid's still alive? Sy: Yeah. Blake: Dori, go get me a turnkey, a candle, some cheesecloth, and a touch of cocaine. Let's start chopping. Chief: Blake, Blake, Blake. Wait, wait, wait. Listen to me. Getting attention can be a very powerful thing, especially when you don't get it that often. It can make you feel great joy, and it can make you do crazy things like get a co-worker thrown into the stocks for no reason or chop off the arm of a small child with an axe that you pulled out of no...where did you hide that axe, by the way? Blake: Uh, a holster in my bodkin. Chief: Oh, my God. That's pretty good. [ Laughs ] Blake: [ Sighs ] You're right, chief. [ Sighs ] You know what? I, uh... I went a little bit too far with this. Sy: Absolutely not. Chief: Nah. Blake: A little bit. A little bit too far. Really. I did things that you guys don't even know about, but you'll find out later what they are, and you might get hurt. They're really bad, bad, far-out things. They're... they're traps that I've set, and I can't unset them. So...I apologize ahead of time. Beth: Back with the supplies. Chief: Thank God. Modern medical equipment. Pork buns? What? Nurse Beth, where is the medical equipment we sent you out to get? Beth: Supplies! Blake: Okay. Chief: Okay, that is pretty funny, but, damn it, what are we gonna do now? Sy: Hmm. Chief: I wish Glenn were here. Glenn: I don't know. I was more of a...bookworm more than anything, you know? I didn't like the sports or anything like that. I would just kind of, you know, escape in a book. Chief: The old-fashioned way failed us, and the modern way is pork buns. Sy: I have an idea. There's only one thing to do... The future way. I'm going to write this letter to a doctor in the future, and I'm gonna tell him to come back here to today and bring with him medical supplies from the future to today in order to cure this kid. Chief: [ Laughs ] Sounds like a plan. Blake: It's so simple. Sy: All right, nurse Beth, bury that in the ground. And now...We wait. Dr. Greenberg: Hello. Sy: Dr. Greenberg? Sy: Wow. That was fast. Dr. Greenberg: This is our patient? Sy: Yes, it is. Dr. Greenberg: All right, just a moment. Sy: Please take a look. [ Device whirs ] Dr. Greenberg: And let's have a look. Get out of here. Chief: Oh, my gosh! Thank you, future doctor. Dr. Greenberg: Oh, well, I should thank you. You know, the note you wrote is considered an important medical text and is on display at our museum of medicine and science. It's an honor to meet the authors in person. Sy: I wrote it. Dr. Greenberg: Oh, well, very well done. Yes. Now, uh, the only problem is that you did set off a chain of events that created a dystopian apocalyptic future. So some people have mixed feelings about you. Chief: Understandable. Dr. Greenberg: I really should go now, uh, before they find me. Sy: Thanks for coming. Chief: Oh, wait, wait, wait. One more thing. Um, who's gonna be our next president? Dr. Greenberg: Joe Biden. Anything else? Or are we good? Sy: Yes. Oh, I'd like to know, what's the weather tomorrow? Dr. Greenberg: Uh, partly sunny. Rain along the coast in the early-morning hours. All good? Beth: I have a question. I'm renting, so is it really necessary for me to own a lawn mower, or is that just... Dr. Greenberg: Well, it depends how long your lease is and how often you mow. Blake: What does that have to do with the future? You have one question to ask. Like, you could know anything you want in the world. I could've told you that, that having a lawn mower... I would say no. Beth: And then it's month-to-month after that. Dr. Greenberg: Okay. Chief: Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I got another one. [ Chuckles ] Um, are we ever gonna let Glenn out of the stockades? Dr. Greenberg: No. Chief: No! [ Laughs ] Sy: Oh, I have one more. Who is the next person asking you a question? Dr. Greenberg: Uh, the crippled lady asked me if I'm single. Chief: Are you single? Dr. Greenberg: See? Chief: I'm serious. [ Mid-tempo music plays ] No laughing. No dancing with patient. Romancing. No parties caressing. I find it distressing. Collecting devices. They're paying the prices of overconsumption with mental construction. Sal: Attention, staff. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but in my day, we didn't have iPads. We got by just fine with iPhones and laptops.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x07 - Old Fashioned Day"}	foreverdreaming
Chief: Hey, Chet. Chet: Oh, hey, Chief. Chief: You know, I've been meaning to ask you, what do you do in your spare time? Chet: Oh, I like to build immersive Halloween mazes for the neighborhood kids. Chief: Oh. 5.08 - Spoiler Alert: Owen Gets a Perm Owen: You know, according to Omni Magazine, it's only a matter of time before they shrink us down to microscopic size and we can perform surgery from the inside. Cat: Owen, wake up and smell the program. Everything's already been invented. Owen: Maybe you're right. Cat: [ Gasps ] Oh, God! Your hair! What the hell? Chief: Oh, God. When did that happen? Owen: Oh, my new perm. It's pretty powerful, right? Cat: No, no, no. You do not get to do that. I mean, why would a man do such a thing to his hair? Chief: I know. It's arrogant. Cat: Thank you. Blake: What are we talking about? Cat: Owen's got a new look. It's atrocious. Wait till you see it. Chief: Spoiler alert... it's a perm. Blake: Right, right, right. Oh, because... Owen's spoiled. Like, he's a spoiled brat, and that's why he got a perm. [ Laughing ] [ Sighs ] Cat: You don't know what "spoiler alert" means, do you? Blake: Of course I do. I know all the current expressions, and I know how to use them, and I can communicate just like you guys. Watch. "Mm. That's too much information... on this." Chief: God, I hate Owen. Let's punish him. Cat: I have an idea, but it involves a staggering commitment of time and resources far out of proportion to the problem at hand. Chief: I'm in! What's the idea? Cat: Weren't you telling me that Chet likes to design immersive Halloween mazes for neighborhood kids or something? Chief: [ Gasps ] Blake: Mm. Hey, Glenn. Glad I caught you. Listen, I got this bilateral craniotomy this afternoon, and I'm like, "Don't go there." Will you do it for me? Glenn: That's a tough procedure, Blake. Blake: Well, yeah, but not for you. I mean, you're the best. [ Both laugh ] Glenn: Blake, I... I... I... I can't lie anymore. I'm not the best. I'm not even the good. Blake: Oh. Oh, okay. Uh, I'm... I'm... I'm listening to you. You can tell that because I'm making eye contact with you and I'm nodding. Glenn: Blake, I'm gonna tell you a secret. And I know I can trust you because you're probably not listening to me. I'm a terrible surgeon. That's the truth. The real surgeon is Chilli, my pet mouse who lives underneath my yarmulke. By pulling on my hair, he guides my hands. Blake: Like the movie "Ratatouille"? Glenn: That's right. Exactly like that. Exactly like the movie "Ratatouille." Blake: Glenn, that mouse is dad. Glenn: What? Oh, my God! Chilli! No! Blake: Spoiler alert? Chief: This kid's in bad shape. We're gonna need to do something... experimental. Cat: Are you suggesting we try the prototype micro-miniaturization machine? We're gonna need a doctor to be our micronaut. Chief: And it can't be me because of the high levels of cocaine in my system. Owen: Excuse me. If I heard you correctly, we have a machine that can shrink a man down and insert him into the human body? Chief: That's right. Thanks to a grant from Omni Magazine. Owen: Omni? They're the best. Cat: With Omni, science fiction can become science fact. I know this because I read it while on the toilet. Chief: But we don't have a volunteer. Oh! Owen: I know someone. Both: Who? Owen: He's 6'2" with the looks of a Greg Kinnear type, and his name is me... Dr. Owen Maestro. Dori: Oh, my God! Your perm! Oh, my God! [ Glass shatters ] Oh, my God! [ Screaming, crashing ] Hey! What are you doing?! Dori: Get out of the car! [ Car door slams, tires screech ] [ Tires screech, crashing ] [ Chicken clucks ] Cat: Okay, I need to warn you. This whole experience is gonna be very, very painful and very, very embarrassing. Are you ready? Owen: Yes, I am. Cat: In order for us to shrink you down and inject you into this little boy, we're gonna need to sandpaper your skin. Owen: Why? Chief: dad skin cells slow down the miniaturization process. You read Omni, right? Owen: Of course. Aah! Such intense pain! It's so embarrassing! It's just as you described! Chief: Next, you have to eat this entire stick of unsalted butter. Owen: [ Groans, gags ] All of it? Chief: All of it! Cat: This is so great! Chief: I'm having such a good time with you right now. Hey, are you on Google Plus? Chet: Once he finishes the unsalted butter, we will send him on an immersive journey through the "human body." Cat: Do you think he'll buy it? Chet: I've been building haunted houses in my basement for neighborhood kids every Halloween for the past three years. I think I've picked up a few tricks along the way. Glenn: Chilli, you were... you were a good mouse and an even better surgeon. Take care of yourself, little buddy. [ Breathes deeply ] Blake, is there anything you'd like to say? Blake: That's what she said. Glenn: I need to head back and write my letter of resignation, so... Blake: I'm not gonna go with you. I want to... I want to stay out here. Glenn: Why? Blake: I'm better off living in the woods, okay? I just don't fit in up there. [ Breathes deeply ] I don't know. I mean... What do you think? Glenn: Oh. That sounds about right. I'll see you around. Chet: In a few moments, we'll start the shrinking process. Owen: Let's make history. Chet: Step into the miniaturization pod. Owen: Almost reminds me of a prop from an immersive Halloween maze. Chet: Oh, are you into that sort of thing? Chief: Chet, calm down! Chet: Initiating miniaturization. Mr. Winslow, you're on. [ Imitates energy noises ] Owen: Whoa. Whoa! Uh-oh! Whoa! Whoa! Something's happening! I-I'm being shaken around a little bit. Whoa! I-I-I think I'm being shrunk down! [ Electricity crackles ] Aah! That feels like a very painful electric shock! Chet: Okay. The miniaturization process is now complete. We are now injecting you into the patient's bloodstream. Owen: Ohh! Close the curtains! Owen: Oh, my God. It's breathtaking. I have made my way to the carotid artery. [ Imitating heart beating ] Owen: I can actually hear the beating of the human heart. I need to figure out what I'm gonna wear to the Nobel Prize ceremony. Chief: [ Laughs ] Oh! I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. You're really special. Cat: This is fun, yeah. Chief: Yeah. Chet: Okay, my readings indicate that you're in a pure-air environment. Owen, you can take off your helmet if you want to. Owen: [ Breathes deeply ] This is exactly what I always imagined the inside of a young boy would smell like. Chief: Heads up, Owen. The patient just took a sip of scalding hot tea. Now! Owen: [ Screams ] My perm! And my flesh! Why would the patient be drinking tea right now?! Chet: [ Hisses ] Owen: [ Screams ] Chief: Chet! Cat: Uh, what's he doing? Owen: The patient has Draculas! I am terrified right now! Abort the procedure! Code red! Code red! [ Shouts, body thuds ] Cat: Oh, dear. Chief: Oh, God. Oh, no. Uh-oh. Cat: Okay. Just... Okay. Owen! Chief: Oh, God. He's in stage-four cardiac arrest. He needs to go to surgery, now! Prep the O.R.! Owen: I want...Glenn. He's the best. [ Echoing ] Glenn's the best. Glenn: "I, Dr. Glenn Richie, hereby resign due to the fact that I have no ability to perform surgery." Cat: Glenn, there's an emergency! Chief will explain! Chief: Owen's had a heart attck! He's requested you! Glenn: No, I won't do it. I can't do it. Blake: Yes, you can. I was in the woods, and it all became clear to me. Your mouse has been dad for weeks. Look. Glenn: You're right. Chilli has been dad for weeks. Blake: I wrote it down. Glenn: You wrote it down. I've been performing so many surgeries, I... I must've forgotten to feed him. Wait. That means... that I performed all those surgeries... by myself. Chief: Exactly. Those skills were always in you. You just need to learn to do it without the mouse. Glenn: Let's scrub up. [ Monitors beeping ] Glenn: And we're closed. [ Applause ] [ Chuckles ] Chief: You did it again, Glenn. You are still very much our best surgeon. Glenn: Well, this time, I had a little help. Ah-ah! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah. [Laughs] Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah...Ah. Not from my dad mouse... but from a very live human being. Blake, I'm proud to call you my friend. Chief: And I have really enjoyed this day that you and I have had together, Cat. Cat: I feel like you're pushing it just a tiny bit now. Chief: Fair enough. Owen: And I owe you all an apology. It was wrong of me to get a new hairstyle. Cat: Yeah. Owen: And I totally understand how it was necessary for you guys to go to the lengths you did to show that to me. Anything less than a totally immersive human body experience, I probably wouldn't have gotten the message. Chet: Look, I've been making these things since 2010, so I think I have some idea of what I'm doing. [ Laughter ] Glenn: Blake, you want to join us at the noodle house tonight? Blake: Spoiler alert... I'll be there. [ Laughter ] Glenn: What a perfect phrase for the situation. Blake: Spoiler alert... I'll be there. [ Breathes deeply ] I'll be there. Glenn: Hmm? Blake: I'll be there. Glenn: What? Blake: I'll be there. I have to get out of this one thing. If I can't, I will still try and make an appearance. [ Imitates static ] And now the news. [ Imitates static ] Big light in sky... [ Imitates static ] Scalding hot water on young... [ Imitates static ] And now a commercial. Mm-mmm. Oh, yeah, baby. It's all about lo...	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x08 - Spoiler Alert: Owen Gets a Perm"}	foreverdreaming
Tripper: If there's one thing soldiers hate, it's private contractors, especially ones that are bespectacled, naturally large breasted, or Jewish. But as long as you are on this base, you will conduct yourselves in a manner that is befitting the U.S. military. Sy: Listen up, everybody. Levon Bainter is coming here to review our clinic. Owen: Who's Levon Bainter? Dori: Only the military's biggest medical critic. One good review from him in Army Base Monthly and we will be flown to the White House... business class! Glenn: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Look at that. Who's a couple of businessmen flying business class? Dori: Excuse me? If Bainter trashes us, we will be shut down and flown home... coach class. Middle seats. Owen: Ah. Middle seats, surrounded by people. Glenn: [ Chuckles ] 5.09 - Wine Tasting Chief: Ah-ha! My copy of Wine Lover Magazine. Thank you. Valerie: Oh, my God. When you're done with that, can I see it? I'm so curious about the new rieslings from Harbor Vineyards. Chief: How about those pinot gris? Valerie: [ Sighs ] Sy: What are you talking about? Chief: If you must know, Sy, Valerie and I have taken an interest in fine wines, and we're really kind of heavily into it. You making fun of it like this hurts our feelings. Valerie: Your tone when you said, "What are you guys talking about?" really makes us feel like you don't take our non-work interests seriously. Sy: All right. I hear you. You've made a point. How about if we have a wine tasting right here on the base? Chief: Okay, this is exactly what we were talking about. You offer us a wine tasting, and yet literally no mention of who's gonna pay for it. Valerie: I don't think this is fixable. Sy: You girls set it up, and I am gonna pay for it. Chief: Okay. I guess I'm finally starting to feel heard. Owen: I'll see you man. I got the rest of the day off. Glenn: Oh, hey, Owen. Uh, I was thinking about going to play some golf with my girlfriend's dad today. Can you cover for me? Owen: Oh, I'd love to, but you're a plastic surgeon and I'm a cardiologist. We could get in big trouble. Glenn: Yeah. You're right. I suppose I could just reschedule, you know? [ Chuckles ] Not worth the hassle. Unless... We have a 3-D printer here for burn victims that generates a silicon veneer that looks exactly like skin. Owen: Like what? Glenn: Like skin. Now, what if we just make a few adjustments to it? We can graft one person's face onto another person's face. Owen: Great idea. Then I can finally get the face of Tilda Swinton. Glenn: That's right. But I'm saying today, you could look exactly like me. Owen: Oh. Okay. Glenn: But you'd have to act exactly like me to fool everyone. Owen: I don't see any big issues with this at all. Let's do it. Glenn: [ Chuckling ] Okay. Great! And at this point, you should start to feel a little drowsy. Owen: Glenn, I just want to double check in case I get stuck looking like you. It's pretty fun to be Jewish, right? Glenn: No. We hate ourselves. Let's see our work. Take a look. [ Chuckles ] Amazing, right? Owen: Wow. Amazing. Glenn: And this vocoder box will process your voice to match my pitch. Talk. Owen: Testing. [ Clears throat ] Testing. [ Feedback ] [ Echoing ] Testing. [ Glenn's voice ] Testing. Owen: I'm Dr. Glenn Richie. I'm Jewish, and... That's the main thing about me. Glenn: All right, buddy. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And now off to ht the links. Owen: Okay. Sal: Attention, staff. I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I fall down. Scratch that. I'm an alcoholic. That is all. Valerie: [ Sighs ] Hey, Glenn. Glenn? Owen: Oh, hi. Yeah. That's me. I'm Glenn. [ Chuckles ] Valerie: Get ready to sample some hot varietals tonight! Chief: Oh. [ Laughs ] Get me tipsy enough, I might start giving out a different kind of sample. [ Chuckles ] Too soon? Valerie: Just slightly unclear. Chief: Oh, Glenn. Glenn. Owen: Yeah. Chief: Uh, what kind of cheese would you like tonight at the wine tasting? Owen: Uh...You're asking me... you're asking me, Glenn, what kind of cheese that I would like... Glenn would like... I would like, Glenn? Chief: Yes. Owen: Sharp cheddar. Chief: You got it, buddy. Owen: Yep. [ Sighs ] Pick up. Glenn: What do you want? I'm in the middle of playing golf! Owen: Glenn, Chief just asked me what your favorite cheese was, and I-I choked, buddy. I told her what my favorite cheese was. I told her sharp cheddar. Glenn: I like mild cheddar, you idiot! You're gonna get us caught. Oh! Chief: Thank you all for coming to... [ Siren wails ] Childrens Hos-bottles of Wine celebration. [ Tires screech ] Val and I have worked very hard on this event. We're really... I have an eight year old with a third-stage intestinal atresia. Who's on call and qualified to perform an emergency laparostomy? Sy: Well, aside from Owen, who's not here, the only people qualified to do something that delicate are Chief and Dr. Flame. Valerie: Oh! Chief: Well, well, well. I guess this worked out pretty perfectly for your little agenda, didn't it, Sy? Valerie: Yeah, Sy. What'll it take for you to take our momentary interest in wine seriously? Chief: What'll it take?! What will it take? Valerie: What? Chief: What? Valerie: [ Spits ] Sy: Okay, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna move the bottles into the O.R. We're gonna have the wine tasting during the operation. Valerie: Wow. Chief: A day late, and a dollar short. Valerie: That was difficult. Dori: I completely understand what you're talking about now. Chief: Right? I mean, like... Dori: It is disgusting. Valerie: And she's out. Very good. Scalpel number 23, please. Chief: Number 23. It was a very good year. All right. Dr. Flame is making the incision, and at this point, I think we can open the Sancerre. Owen: You know, this wine would go great with my favorite cheese, sharp cheddar. Mi... mild cheddar. Mild cheddar. Excuse me. Nurse, is this the pediatric clinic? Dori: Levon Bainter. Uh, w-we weren't expecting you until tomorrow. Nurse apparently doesn't know how to use a calendar. Hate her voice. Hate her haircut. Hate her shirt. Dori: No, no. No. No. No, no, no, sir! Chief: [ Laughs ] Valerie: Mm. [ Clamps clatter ] Whoops! Okay, so, this is from Australia. G'day, mate. Valerie: Hey, we should get some tunes going. Chief: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Glenn, sing one of your old-timey sing-along songs. Oh! "Camptown Races"! Owen: How about some other time? [ All jeer ] Just sing the first line, Glenn. Valerie: Yeah. Chief: Please? [ All chanting] Camptown! Camptown! Owen: Okay, yeah, sure. [ Chuckles ] Just give me one second. [ Chanting continues ] [ Cellphone beeps ] Glenn: What is it, Owen? I'm having a schvitz with my lady's old man. Owen: They want me to sing the first line to "Camptown Races," and I don't know the words. Glenn: Okay. ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song ♪ ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪ Owen: Well, how am I supposed to remember that? Glenn: Okay, okay, don't panic. Just open your mouth and mime singing and put the phone on speaker and hold it nonchalantly near your head. Owen: Great idea. Okay. Here goes. Uh... Glenn: Okay, count it off. Owen: 1, 2, 3, go. Glenn: ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song ♪ ♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪ Chief: Aah! Yeah! Chief: Yeah, doo-dah! Doo-dah! Owen: It worked! Glenn: Yes! Okay. Just don't blow our cover, all right? I'm having the perfect day. Owen: Continue having a great day. [ Cellphone beeps ] Glenn: I really am. It's just... it's been a wonderful day. Chief: ♪ The Camptown ladies sing this song ♪ Valerie: Oh, guys. Guys, guys, guys. We've been injecting the patient with red wine instead of blood. No wonder I can't get a buzz on. Loud voices coming from the O.R.? Dori: No, no, no, no! No, no! Wait. Um, um, before, um, you go in there maybe we should, uh... get to know each other better. Shameless attempt to distract this reviewer. Futile. Dori: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Revise that. This reviewer is slightly distracted now, somewhat interested, thinking of his wife. Are there moral consequences for our actions? Is monogamy even natural, fertility outdated? Thinking of... hearing mother's voice. Losing erection. Dori: Oh, no, no, no. Not worth it. Into the O.R. [ Indistinct conversation ] What is going on here? Dori: I'm so sorry. I did everything I could to stop him, even the "boob out of the scrubs" routine. Do I smell a 1991 Sempia Bordeaux? Sy: No. Are you doing a wine tasting in the middle of an operation? Sy: It's my fault, sir. Valerie: Oh, finally, you admit it. Was that so hard? This is fantastic. Sy: What? Wine loosens the senses. It releases the inhibitions. I do my best writing when I'm wasted. I'm drunk right now. Sempia me, please? Sy: Yes. Valerie: Ohh... Valerie: We nicked her vesica. [ Heart monitor beeps rapidly ] Chief: [ Groans ] Stop the blood! Valerie: I don't want to do this anymore. Valerie: Let's play light as a feather, stiff as a board. Owen: All you have to do is clamp it. Sy: A show of hands... Does anybody know what they're doing here? Well, I'm sure there's somebody who can do the operation. Sy: Well, there is one doctor, Dr. Owen Maestro, but he's on a day off. Glenn: I'll do it. Sy: No, Glenn. You can't do it. You're a plastic surgeon. Now wait a minute. I'm gonna call Owen on his phone. [ Cellphone ringing ] What is that? [ Ringing continues ] Owen: It's Owen's phone, a.k.a. my phone because, you see... [ Grunts ] I'm Dr. Owen Maestro. [ Clears throat ] [ Normal voice ] I am Dr. Owen Maestro, certified in "laparostomy" and in an enormous amount of pain in my face area right now. Sy: You changed places with Glenn in order to do an unauthorized shift switch? Owen: I had to. Glenn needed this day off for a reason that I can't remember right now. I'll face the consequences later but right now, a child is suffering. Clamp! I need a clamp! Dori: Clamp! Owen: A clamp. Dori: Okay, okay, I'm getting it. Sy: Is that it? [ Heart monitor flatlining ] Owen: Done. [ Heart monitor beeping ] Cheese and crcker. Cheese and cr*cker! Dori: Okay, here. Sal: Attention, staff. This might be the wine talking, but I love living in a bottle until I get poured. That is all. Sy: Yes, yes, Owen. You did save that girl's life. But you did pose as another physician. That is a felony. Glenn: Hey. What's going on, guys? Owen: You missed a lot, buddy, but long story short, looks like we're both going to jail. Glenn: Ah, figures. [ Mid-tempo music plays ] Sal: Attention, staff. I'm not as think as you drunk I am. All I had was ti mar-two-nis.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x09 - Wine Tasting"}	foreverdreaming
Cat: You know what your problem is, kid? I was in a horrible car accident? Cat: Yes. Yes, that's correct. Glenn: Hey, kid. Next time, don't take a car. Take a helicopter. [ Laughs ] Cat: You know what your problem is, Glenn? Glenn: That this kid doesn't think helicopters are funny? Cat: Yes, that's right. Glad that everybody knows what their problem is here. Glenn: [ Laughs ] 5.10 - Blaken Sy: Live via satellite from Osaka, Japan, it's "Paging Doctor Maestro" with your host, Dr. Owen Maestro! [ Cheers and applause ] Owen: Thank you, and welcome to the show. I'm Doctor Owen Maestro. Does anyone here have any questions for me, the Doctor? Yes, sir. Does this lump look like anything to you? Owen: Uh, right here on your neck? Yeah, right there. Owen: Uh, yeah. That's, uh... that's not good. I would definitely get that looked at by your primary care physician. Oh, okay. Owen: Any other questions? Um, does this lump look like anything? Owen: Let's take a look. Ay, ay, ay. [ Gasps ] Owen: Um, geez... Oh. Um, yeah. That's... That's something you should get looked at. Okay. Owen: Are there any other questions at all? Okay, is this about a lump? Yeah, no. We'll be right back, right after this. [ Applause ] Sy: Coming up, a hypnotist teaches Dr. Maestro some tricks. Six, five, and you're under. Sy: And funnyman Howie Mandel talks about what it's like to lose your mind. Sy: Attention, staff. Dr. Maestro's TV-show taping is in progress. Please hold all live-ammniton training until 11:00. Blake: [ Whistling ] [ Muffled ] Aah! Hey! What? Ow! Oh, the old "kidnap the clown" routine. [ Grunts ] Oh, okay, using real gn. Nice touch. Aah! Valerie, I know it's you. Only your hands are this rough. Whoa! Okay, I'm starting to think this is a real kidnapping, which makes it a lot less funny... to me. [ Tires squeal ] Owen: Sy, any word from the network back home? Sy: Yes, yes. We got a phone call. They said they're gonna cancel the show if the ratings don't go up. No big deal. Owen: That is a very big deal, Sy. Sy: Excuse me, Mister. Your show has never been about ratings. It's about an American doctor overseas, dispensing medical wisdom via satellite. If they don't want to view something like that, it is their problem. Owen: I think that's our problem. Sy: You just let me be the producer, okay? You be the best Dr. Maestro you can be. Owen: Okay, but I really think we need to figure out this ratings thing. Blake: [ Panting ] [ Dialing ] Come on, Chief. Come on! [ Cellphone rings ] Chief: Oh. [ Groans ] [ Beep ] Hello? Blake: Chief! Chief! It's Blake. Listen, I've been kidnapped. Chief: Oh! Just kidding. I'm not here right now to take your call. Leave me a message. [ Beep ] Blake: [ Laughs ] Wow! You totally got me. That was clever. Listen, super urgent message... End of message. Thank you. Goodbye. [ Beep ] Blake: Damn it! Hey, all, mail call! Chief: Hey! My main man, the mailman! Where's the beef, Chief? Chief: [ Laughs ] Anything for me, man? Oh, no, sorry. Not today, Chief. You missing home? Chief: Oh, yeah. I'm so homesick, I could eat a house. It's amazing... With all this mail, not one piece for you. Chief: [ Chuckles ] See you, Chief. Chief: [ Chuckles ] Blake: Come on, Cat. Pick up! [ Cellphone vibrating ] [ Beep ] Cat: [ Scoffs ] If this is Blake calling, I love you and I would do anything for you. Kidding! If you call me, I will totally throw away my phone. [ Beep ] Blake: Hey-ey... No, no, no. Chief: Oh, I'm so excited to read this letter addressed to someone else! Dear Dr. Maestro, I love your show. I've seen every episode. Does this lump look like anything to you? [ Applause ] Owen: Folks, I want to do something today that we've never done on the show before. Every one of you is gonna get a very special gift! [ Cheers and applause ] Really? Okay. I'm sorry I brought that up. We don't have gifts for you. [ All groan ] What I'm going to do instead of giving away gifts is take some calls. Caller number one, are you there? Yeah, hi. Does this lump look like anything? Sy: You people with your lumps. Cat: Time of death... 2:40. Glenn: Don't you mean "too farty?" [ Laughs ] [ Fart ] I put a speaker on there. Listen to this. [ Fart ] [ Laughter ] Fartcopter. [ Farting ] Hey, Fartcopter, you had too much Mexican food! [ Fart ] [ Laughs ] Owen: Okay, next caller. Blake: Owen! Oh, thank God! What, is everybody in surgery or something? No one has been picking up their phone... No one! Owen: Blake, what are you doing calling in the middle of my show? Blake: [ Panting ] All right, listen. I've been kidnapped. I escaped. Owen: What?! Blake: But I'm hiding. They're gonna find me, Owen. And they're gonna find me. Owen: Okay, Blake, listen to me. I'm gonna record this on my tiny tape recorder. Leave your phone underneath the bed. You're gonna have three, maybe four seconds to shout out specific details about these people. Do you understand? Blake: [ Breathing heavily ] [ Footsteps ] [ Door closes ] Blake: Oh, they left. It's totally cool. So sorry to bug you during your show, man. [ Screams ] Oh, there's three men! They're all wearing shirts! Owen: Of course, they're wearing shirts! Everyone wears a shirt! Blake: One of them is blue. Look for a guy with a blue... No, no, no! Wait! Green! Owen: What do you mean?! Like a sea foam or a sky blue? Blake: Teal! It's like a light blue! [ Screams ] Owen: Blake? Blake! Blake: What do you call it when a color is like a softer tone? Oh, oh! It's... it's pastel! It's pastel! Owen! Owen: Hello? [ Grunts ] Owen: Hello? [ Breathing heavily ] Owen: Okay, you listen to me. I don't know who you are, and I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money, but what I do have are a very particular set of skills. Sy: Offer money. Owen: No, forget that. I do have money, okay? I have a lot of money. I'm a doctor on TV. But if you want some of this money, you got to give me something, something that I can use, something like... I don't know... horseback-riding lessons or, like, a jet ski. [ Chuckles ] Sy: The clown. Owen: No, forget that! I'll give you the money, you give me the clown. How does that sound? We'll be in touch. [ Click ] Owen: Sy, we're going after Blake. Get a camera. Sy: I'm ready! [ Engine turns over ] Blake: What do you call it when a color is like a softer tone? Owen: Where are they hiding you, Blake? Where? Dear Sy Mittleman, if you ever want to see the clown again, leave a million dollars in a briefcase on pier 7 next to the Osaka Riverside Hotel. [ Beep ] [ Cellphone rings ] Sy: Yello? Chief: Sy, Blake's been kidnapped! Sy: No [ bleep ] Sherlock! Chief: No, Sy. It's Chief! Sy: Hi, Chief. Wow, do you sound like my best friend, Sherlock. Chief: Oh, you don't say? Owen: Ask her if she knows any kidnappers that wear pastels. Chief: Sy, they want to make a drop at the Riverside Hotel. Sy: Riverside? We're headed in the opposite direction completely. Bye-bye! [ Beep ] Owen: Riverside? There's a couple Russian dudes that hold a bimonthly sex-slve auction right near there. Sy, looks like we're going to a sex-slve auction. Sy: Second time this month. [ Tires screech ] [ gn ] [ Spectators murmur ] Owen: Hey, man! [ Grunts ] [ Crack ] [ Spectators murmur ] Sy: I am so sorry, sir. Our next item is a healthy, male clown. Blake: Which one of you guys gave me the heroin? Particularly feminine hips on this one. We'll start the bidding at 4,000 yen. Blake: Only thing bad about heroin is the puking. Other than that, a-okay! Owen: All right, you perverts! Nobody move! [ gn cocking ] Oh, oh, oh. Didn't think you guys would have gn, too. [ Chuckles ] Okay, I surrender. My hands are going up. Look at my hands. I'm counting down from seven, six, five, and you're under. [ Clattering ] Whew. That worked. Blake! Wake up! Owen: Come on. I'm getting you out of here. We don't have much time. Blake: Do you have any heroin? Sy: I'll see you later, boys. [ Applause ] [ Cheering ] Owen: Folks, as you just saw on live TV, I just rescued my friend Dr. Blake Downs! [ Cheers and applause ] Have a seat. Blake: I'm on a lot of heroin right now. Owen: I know you are, buddy. Sy: You're gonna pick us up for another year? Owen: So, let's get back into it. [ Farting ] [ Cheers and applause ] [ Farting ] Is this what you like?! Fartcopter?! [ Farting ] [ Cheers and applause ] Sy: Scratch that, Mike. Have I got a show for you. Owen: You want me and Fartcopter every week? [ Farting ] Sy: How about... just Fartcopter? [ Cheers and applause ] [ Farting ] Glenn: Farts are funny. [ Laughs ] Coming up on this season of "Fartcopter"... The nation's capital gets a dose of copter farts. Fartcopter reviews the new Tyler Perry movie. [ Farting ] Endangered animals... endangered of copter farts. [ Fart ] And kids seem to be falling in love with Fartcopter. [ Farting ]	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x10 - Blaken"}	foreverdreaming
Sy: We are going to oversee the opening of a clinic on a U.S. army base in Japan. Jewy: What's going down in the world of young health? Glenn: Jewy McJewJew! Jewy: Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew-school pal. Valerie: For I am not Valerie Flame, daughter of Alma and Tony Flame. I'm Derrick Childrens! [ All gasp ] Chief: What? Derrick: Long-lost son of Arthur Childrens. This is one nutty hospital. [ Laughter ] 5.11 - A Lot of Brouhaha Over Zilch Blake: Shakespeare's greatest hits? God, I hate the theater. I mean, don't get me wrong. I like being entertained as much as the next guy, maybe even the guy next to him, but I don't want to sit in a cramped theater for three hours watching a fairy flit around. We got fairies right here in the real world, my friend. [ Laughing ] You just... You got to know where to go, you know? Usually near an enchanted forest, because they are tiny and skittish. I don't know. I appreciate the theater. Blake: Freeze it! You want drama? We got drama right here in the real world. There's a million stories waiting to be told right here on this base. Take Glenn, for instance. He's in love with Cat, but they pretend to hate each other. That's drama! There's a fairy. [ Giggles ] Hello! Blake: And Sy. What about Sy? Who put this guy in charge? Arthur Childrens founded the hospital. His rightful heir should have been Derrick Childrens. Now here's the real kick in the nuts. This is Derrick Childrens. [ Chuckles ] Yeah. Dr. Valerie Flame is Derrick Childrens in drag. She should be running the hospital, not Sy! That's real life, and it's got everything... Love, death, sexy stuff. And if that's not enough drama for you, just make some. [ Wig rips ] Valerie: Ooh. Owen: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to your hair? Valerie: Nothing. Come on, let's just keep making out. Owen: Wait, wait. Are you wearing a wig? And is that stubble? Are... are you a man? Did I have sex with a man? Valerie: Okay. I'm a man. You got me. Let's just touch ding-dongs. Owen: Ugh! We're breaking up. Sorry, dude. Glenn: [ Laughs ] I love it. There's like three of you... One, Two and Three. Or are you Three? Valerie: Get out of my way! Glenn: Hey, what's up with him? Cat: Glenn! [ Chuckles ] Oh, I see that you found some ladies who like herpes. Good for you. Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Hey, come on! I don't get sores. I'm just a carrier. Is there a reason you're here or are you just trying to kll my boners forever? Cat: No, I'm just on my way to the new chaplain's office. Glenn: To confess your dying love for me? Cat: To confess that I'm in love with the thought of you dying. Glenn: I am dying... to watch you walk away from me right now. Cat: Good idea. I think you'll enjoy it. Glenn: I will enjoy it, because you're walking away from me and not because of any other reason like your ass. Right, Blake? Blake: Yeah, totally. You should go spy on her. Glenn: I'm listening. Blake: I made a peephole in Sy's office closet... Looks right into the new chaplain's office. Glenn: That's creepy. Why would you do that? Blake: I don't know. Glenn: Gotcha. Blake: Oh! Yeah. Valerie: Who am I? Derrick: I need to get my hospital back. But how? Valerie: [ Sighs ] If only there was some kind of a sign... [ Scoffs ] Private Corcoran! You have to flank Titania. You're her fairy servant. Valerie: Hey, what's this play about, anyway? Donkeys? Mostly we're highlighting Queen Victoria's brave succession to her father's throne. Valerie: So it's about taking your rightful place, no matter who or what stands in your way? Yeah. And donkeys. Valerie: That's it! Boys, put your pants on 'cause I'm overthrowing Sy and taking back my hospital, and I need an army. Well, we don't know you or this Sy person, but as soldiers, we will blindly follow any orders you give us. Valerie: Yeah! Let's go, boys! Blake: [ Breathes deeply ] You know, now's the time in a play, of course, where they make up some big grand metaphor about how the world's a donkey and everybody's an ass. You know? But I'm not gonna do that. No, it's stupid. No wordplay with "ass." Oh! [ Laughs ] "Play with ass." That's pretty good. [ Chuckles ] Hey, you should go tell Sy about Val's plan. Dori: Oh. Okay. Chet: Okay. Oh! [ Giggling ] Owen: [ Sighs ] Maybe I could be with a man. But then who would send out the Christmas cards? What do you think, Blake? Blake: You know who invented Christmas cards? htler. What you need to do is make a grand gesture... Something about sacrifice and commitment and also penises. Owen: I know exactly what I'm gonna do. Blake: Good. Enjoy your new gay lifestyle. And remember the grand gesture! Glenn: Now I'll get ready to spy on Cat... But not because I love her. Because Blake suggested it. Cat: Chaplain, I need to confess something, but it's a secret so big that you can never reveal it to anyone. What is this secret? Sy: Okay. So, what is Val's plan in taking over my position? Chet: She is amassing an army using guys from the army. Sy: Oh, I knew I should have k*lled her at Burning Man. We were right there. Okay. I've got a plan. Dori, do you have any theater training? Dori: I was a lesbian in college. Sy: Good. What about you, Chet? Chet: Oh, well, I slept with a few girls in college but not enough to say that I'm a lesbian. Ooh! Well, that's quite a secret, Cat. And secrets can be revealing. Glenn: Jewy McJewJew. My old Nemesis. Jewy: I'll keep your secret, Cat, but you're gonna have to give me something in return. Cat: What? 115 pounds of flesh... Yours, nude. Meet me in the barracks at 7:00. Chet: That's a great plan, Sy! It's really fun. Dori: And the part about the hydraulics... That is the perfect touch. Sy: Thanks. Blake, I am so gonna need your help. Blake: Yeah, yeah, I've been taking notes in a Google Doc this whole time. Hold on. Hy... drau... lics. Chet, you wear that. Chet: Cool! What part am I playing? Blake: [ Breathes deeply ] Glenn: I have to save Cat from Jewy's clutches. But not because I'm in love with her, because I'm not. Blake, are you busy right now? Blake: Yeah, actually, I got a lot on my plate right now. Cat: I don't want to have to sleep with Jewy. But I don't want him to tell my secret. Glenn: [ Gasps ] Cat: Obviously, my only option is to break out my poison lipstick... Glenn: What is she saying? Cat: The kind that only kills men, not women. What do you think, Blake? Blake? Huh. Well, I hope Jewy likes... Blue? Really? Oh, my God. For real? This is just, like, a blue lipstick? Glenn: I have to get closer. [ Door opens ] Jewy: Well, well, well. Look what we have here. Hmm. Hello, Cat. Mm, blue lipstick with that eye shadow. It's bold. Cat: Excuse me while I go and slip into something a little more comfortable. Jewy: Oh, yes, I... Imagine you'd want to relieve your bladder before we have intercourse, make you more comfortable... Glenn: Jewy McJewJew. Jewy: Glenn Richie, my old Hebrew-school pal. Glenn: You usually only have sex with the woman I'm in love with. But Cat hates me, and I hate Cat. Jewy: What? Glenn: Oh, sure. Yeah, we have regular public displays of hateful banter. Jewy: Oh, well, Glenn, is there anyone you are attracted to right now? I won't steal them from you. I'm just, uh, kind of curious. Guy talk, you know. [ Both laugh ] Glenn: Yeah, sure, sure. There is this one woman I had my eye on. She's in the play tonight. But you wouldn't like her. She has the head of a donkey. Jewy: Oh, yeah, right. No, that's, uh, not my cup of tea. I might just check out that play, though, just for a smile. [ Chuckles ] Later, Glenn. Cat: Here I come, rabbi! [ Sighs ] Oh, I forgot. Jews only have sex through a ghost costume. But how will I kiss you? Glenn: First, you must tell me how you truly feel about Glenn. Cat: Oh! Just kiss me! Glenn! Glenn: Cat, your lips taste like crap. Cat: No! Blake: Cat, I am so sorry I'm late! You probably called for me and I wasn't here, and I apologize, but I have a lot of balls in the air right now. But if I had been here, I would've told you not to use the poison lipstick because you end up kissing Glenn. Cat: Glenn. I... Blake: Oops. That is my fault. I am sorry. I will own that one. Cat: Oh. How did you know all this? Blake: Oh. Uh, earlier, I moved Val's wig a little bit and that set a whole series of things in motion. I'm talking to people about it. I'm like, um, an omniscient narrator of sorts. But, anyway, we have to get Glenn to Sy! He's the only one with the antidote. Come on! Cat: Oh. Blake: But go get Glenn first. Cat: Okay, okay, yeah, no! [ Indistinct conversations ] [ Minstrel music plays ] Now is the winter of our discotheque! Valerie: Now is the perfect time to strike. Owen: Now's the time for my thing. Val! I wanted to make a grand gesture of sacrifice and commitment... So I surgically removed my penis. [ Audience gasps, groans ] Cat: Sy, it's Glenn! We need your help. He's not well! [ Groaning ] Sy: Poison lipstick, huh? Cat: Yeah. Sy: I have the antidote, but I refuse to give it to you until Val stops trying to overthrow me. Valerie: I'll only agree to that if Owen repeats exactly what he said just a second ago. What was that again? Owen: Uh...Well, I was... [ Clears throat ] I, uh, surgically removed my penis because I love you. [ Audience gasps ] Sy: Funny you should say that, because love... is the antidote. All: Ah. Cat: Glenn... I love you. That was my secret. Glenn: And I love you, too. [ Audience "awws" ] Owen: I... Ding-dong! Owen: Hey! My grand gesture! Stop that fairy! This is my ding-dong. Owen: Don't damage my penis! Oh, my grand gesture! Whoo! [ Audience screams ] Whoo-hoo! [ Giggling ]	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x11 - A Lot of Brouhaha Over Zilch"}	foreverdreaming
5.13 - Coming and Going Blake: Oh, man. We're losing this guy. That's basal constriction. Glenn, I-I-I don't know what to do. Glenn: He's got a B.T.O.F. We're gonna have to ht him with some atropine. Blake: No, no, no, no, Glenn, that could kll him! Tha... That's reckless! Glenn: Get your hands off me. Blake: Ju... Wow. That was...was exciting. That was exciting. Glenn: Eh. Blake: Glenn, I never would have had the boots to pull off a stuff like you pulled off in there today. I am amazed at what you do every day in that O.R. Glenn: Eh, it ain't brain surgery. Blake: Well, but that is literally what it is. Glenn: I guess I've been doing it so long that... I don't feel anything anymore. Blake: Huh. Glenn: Look, I'll show you. ht me in the face. Blake: No, no, that... That's not my style. Glenn: ht me in the face! Blake: Okay. Owen: Hey! Take that crap outside. Glenn: Hey, hey, it's cool. See? I didn't feel anything at all. Lola: So, Cat and Chief, uh, I have this gift certificate for free premium cable television, but, you know, you can only redeem it if you're pregnant. Do you guys know anyone like that? Cat: Hmm. Chief: Pregnant? Valerie: Uh, guys? I'm 8 1/2 months pregnant. Lola: Oh, thank God. Cat: We thought that you might be, but we just didn't know how to go about it. It was one of the... You know, it's rude to ask. Sy: Hi, everybody. Hi, Chief. What do I have here? Two tickets to see Oprah live in Tokyo! Cat: Get out of town! Sy: Anybody want to come hang out with me? Chief: No! Cat: I'd really like to... Valerie: Huge Oprah fanatic. Sy: Well, Val, you can't go 'cause you're pregnant. Blake, you're a clown. Glenn, you're Jewish. You can see Oprah any old time. Lola, you've got that thing. Lola: What? Sy: And Cat and Owen... So that leaves Chief. Hey, Chief! Would you like to go with me, Chief? Chief: No. Sy: I'll see you outside in 10. Hello. Hello. Hello. Cat: He's saying "hello," but he's going out... [ Soldiers shouting cadences ] Jewy: Okay, thank you so much, Margaret, for sharing your marriage struggles with all of us. Your stories are an inspiration to us, if also quite boring. Now then, Lola, tell us, how was your week? Lola: Well, I'm still a little depressed. I feel so empty inside. Jewy: The Torah speaks of the concept of "Tzedakah." This is doing good for other people as a means for personal fulfillment. Lola: Sounds tiring. Jewy: You can start small. Do one thing for a friend who's in need. Take Owen here, for example. Just the other day in one of our private, confidential sessions, he confessed to me that he's never had an orgasm. Owen: Whoa! Jewy: I'm trying to help you, Owen. I think Lola here could assist you in having your first orgasm. It would be the ultimate in giving, don't you think? Lola: Is that true? Have you never...? Jewy: He's never had an orgasm. He's told me many times. Owen: I've come close. I just haven't sealed the deal. Jewy: Go ahead. Let it out, Owen. Cry. He cries a lot in our private sessions. Owen: Come on, man! Sy: Oh, Chief! I am so excited because we rarely get to spend this one-on-one time. Chief: Well, don't get used to it. This is a one-time deal. Hey, do these windows work? Sy: Why? Chief: Oh, I fart a lot on bumpy roads. Uneven sphincter. Sy: Oh, yeah, it'll be like roses to me. Chief: Oh, I can absolutely guarantee it that it will not. [ Spits ] Lola: I have no romantic feelings for Owen, like, whatsoever. Jewy: Maybe if you came up with a few ground rules, you'd be more comfortable with the idea. Lola: Like... No kissing on the mouth, no eye contact, no pet name, no snuggling, no whispering, the lights stay on, and I get to pick the music? Like those kind of ground rules? Jewy: Exactly, yes, that kind. Lola: Okay. I will have sex with you. But you will refer to me as Lola or Dr. Spratt only. No compliments will be paid, positive or negative. No nodding, no shaking of the head, and we are done by 6:00 p.m. tonight, orgasm or no. Also... Glenn: I'm telling you, man, I can't experience an emotional reaction from anything. Blake: What about this? [ Puppy whimpering ] Glenn: I mean, I get that it's cute, intellectually, but it's... nothing. Cat: Hey, what's with the suitcase? Valerie: Oh, I'm, uh, flying to New York so I can be with my family when I go into labor. Cat: Honey, you're too far along to get on that plane. I mean, the pressure from the cabin's gonna make your stomach explode. Valerie: Thanks, Cat, but... I'm a grown woman and a doctor. I think I'll be fine. Cat: Who said anything about you being stupid? I never said that. Valerie: What? Cat: What? Valerie: I know you didn't. Why would you say that? Why would I even think that? Cat: Oh, okay, good. So you'll cancel your flight and have your baby here? Valerie: No. Cat: You're stupid! Valerie: You know what? I'm getting on that plane no matter what, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Cat: Because you're stupid. Blake: "...And I never saw them again. The end." [ Breathes deeply ] Glenn: Nothing. Blake: Really? Glenn: Not a thing. Blake: Wow! I read the whole book to you. Lola: No saying words that have to do with moisture. Example... Damp, wet, juicy, moist, flood, swampy. No waving, no flailing, no butt stuff, obviously. Blake: Ah! Yeah! Oh! Glenn: Nothing. Ballard: Hey, guys, guys! I know you're not military, but we do have rules against fireworks around here. Blake: Oh, I'm sorry. I usually do not break the rules. Glenn: I do. I love breaking rules. I do crazy things. Try me. Ballard: Look, I am cool, but some of these other guys might be a little uptight and what have you, just 'cause we're so close to the wapon locker room. Glenn: wapon locker room? What, is that where they keep all the gn? Ballard: Well, that's top-secret, but, yes, that's exactly where they keep all the gn. Glenn: Show me. Ballard: Okay. Cat: Hey, um, is this the Osaka Airport? Great, okay. So, I'm calling on behalf of a gng of trrorists that I'm with. Yeah, we put a very large bmb, uh, somewhere in the airport, so I think you should probably ground all of your planes. I know, okay. All right, well, good luck with that. All right, I love you... Bye. Another bmb thrat. Williams, contact Ft. Rosenthal. Have them send some boys over to check out the airport. [ Telephone rings ] Ballard: So you like wapon, this is the room for you. And if you ever want to check the place out when I'm not around, the code is 3-4-5-8 delta echo, but you didn't hear that from me. [ Ringing ] No answer? All right, pull up some satellite images over Ft. Rosenthal. Let's see what's going on. Lola: You can't say any words related to and or having to do with intimacy. For example... Connection, deep, yes, good, and... No, I think that's it. Okay? So, meet me in O.R. 3 in one hour, showered and powdered. Owen: It's a deal. Lola: Oh, and one more thing... No falling in love. Jewy: What's up her twat, huh? Williams: Captain, you need to see this right away. These images out of Ft. Rosenthal are less than an hour old. Get these images analyzed. They don't look military. I want to know what kind of explsin these are. Lola: All right. Are you ready? Owen: Are you gonna take your clothes off? Lola: No. No. Okay. [ Unzips ] Owen: Should I? Lola: No. All right, okay. Okay, now if you could just... Owen: Unzip? Lola: Yeah, I'm gonna move this to the side. Owen: If you could open that. Lola: Yep, good, and there we go. No, don't look me in the eyes. Don't look at me. Now, how does it feel so far? Blake: [ Gasps ] Glenn: Russian roulette. One bllet, six chambers. Maybe this will get my adrenaline flowing. Blake: No, come on, that's way too dangerous. Ballard: Yeah, guys, personally, I'm cool with it, but... Blake: Ah! Come on, come on! [ gn clicks ] Glenn: Nothing. Here, you try it. Maybe I'll feel something if it's you. Blake: No way. I've never even sht a gn before. You think the first time should be at my own head? Glenn: Try it, clown! [ gn ] [ Electricity crackles ] [ Energy humming ] Blake: Uh-oh. Williams: Captain, it looks like the power has gone out at the Fort. What the hell is going on? Valerie: My flight was canceled due to a bmb thrat. [ Gasps ] Cat! You didn't! What if they trace the call? You could go to prison! Cat: Don't be so dramatic, Val. It was a bmb "thrat," not a bmb "promise." Wait. I got a trace report from where the bmb thrat was called. Looks like it came from... inside the base. Call in the SEAL team. I want boots on the ground... Boots with gn. Team Spider, you are cleared to enter the perimeter. Exercise extreme caution. Glenn: Hey, what's this? Blake: Aah! Ballard: You don't need to know what that is, but it's a rocket launcher. Do not engage. It's recon mission only. [ Alarm blaring ] Blake: Ow! What is that? Valerie: [ Groans ] Cat: What is going on? Geez. Valerie: Nothing. Get out of here. Cat: You're going into labor, aren't you? Was it the siren that triggered it? How fun! Valerie: [ Groans ] Cat: Can I put some coconut oil on your perineum? Ballard: Power must have knocked the phones out, too. The perimeter alarm was set off. Blake: What's a perimeter alarm? Ballard: Could be nothing. A dog could have tripped the alarm or it could be a trror1st invasion. Either way, it was nice to meet you guys. Got to go back to my post. Glenn: Here, put this on. Blake: Why? Glenn: I'm gonna go sh*t something. Looks like either a dog or some trrorists. Sy: You know, Oprah's studio looks so much smaller on TV. This place is huge! Chief: Pretty impressive warm-up band. Who is it? Sy: The, uh, Tokyo Philharmonic. Chief: I was gonna guess Goo Goo Dolls. You know, I am literally, like, addicted to meatballs. Team Spider, what intel can you provide from the air? Glenn: Now, where's the damn dog? I need to feel. Ah, trrorists. Maybe there's a dog in there. Blake: Whoa, whoa! We don't know that! Hard left! We're taking fre! Blake: Oh... Glenn: Oh, that's Americans, not trrorists. NORAD, we're being fired on! Enemies unknown, numbers unknown! Request immediate backup! You got it, Spider. A unit's on its way. [ Orchestral music plays ] Sy: Here comes Oprah. Blackhawk Nine-zero-niner, you're clear to engage the enemy. Safety's off. Lola: Uh-huh? Owen: Thanks for trying, Lola, but I just don't think it's working. Cat: This is ridiculous. I'm sorry that I called in a bmb thrat that prevented you from having your baby with your loved ones, okay? ♪ When I am laid ♪ Chief: That's not op-e-rah. Oh, I see what happened here. [ Dramatic music plays ] [ Helicopter blades whirring ] Sy: Honestly, Chief, I thought it was Oprah, not opera. Just give me five minutes, please, I know you're gonna love this. Chief: Well, this better get good before I run out of meatballs. Engage! Blow it all to hell! Ballard: Aah! Run! Get to cover! Glenn: [ Laughing ] Blake: Glenn! Glenn: This is happening, Blake! I can feel this! [ Laughing ] I'm alive! Blake: Glenn! [ Body thuds ] ♪ May my wrongs create ♪ ♪ No trouble ♪ ♪ No trouble ♪ ♪ In thy breast ♪ Sy: Isn't this moving, Chief? Chief: Huh? What? No. Whatever. I mean, it's no...bowl of meatballs. [ explsin ] Lola: [ Gasps ] Owen: Thought you said no eye-looking-into? Lola: Oh. Well, I mean, I wasn't... [ explsin ] What the hell is that? It sounded like a bmb. Owen: I think I felt something. Lola: Really? Well, maybe the bmb is the key. [ Gasps ] Let's go outside, closer to the bmb! Owen: Closer to the bmb. Good idea. Cat: Now let me bring your baby into this world. Valerie: It's too late. Somebody else is already helping me. Cat: Who? Hello? Valerie: She is. Scrub up, little girl. Blake: Aah! Come on! Hang in there, Glenn! What the...? Huh? Glenn: Oh, my gosh! They sht Josh! Blake: Oh, my God. I thought this was you. I thought it was you, Glenn. It was so confusing! It's just Josh, the other Jewish doctor on our staff. Glenn: He was our best Jewish pulmonary specialist. Blake: Well, I... I don't know if he was the best. Glenn: Well, he's one of the top two or three I think. Blake: Uh, what about Jake? Uh, Jake Weingart? Glenn: Jacob's really good. Blake: He's good. He's good. Glenn: He's very good. Blake: But, hey... I'm glad you're okay. Glenn: Oh, hey, Blake, don't worry about me. Nothing can hurt me. Absolutely... [ Both screaming ] Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! It's hot, it's hot! The bllet's hot! Blake: Relax! Relax! Glenn: I can't! It's a hot bllet! [ explsin ] It sounds like the 4th of July out there! Valerie: It's gonna be like the 4th of July in here, too. But really wet. So, here... Put these gloves on. Cat: Don't you think you're being a little stubborn by letting a 4-year-old girl deliver your baby instead of a trained O.B.? Valerie: Dr. Little Girl is trained. Right, Dr. Little Girl? I can draw a unicorn and a Dracula. Valerie: See?! Can you do that, Cat? Cat: You know I can't. Owen: Aah! Aah! Lola: Hey, is that an orgasm? Owen: No! This is terrifying! I think we should go back inside! Lola: Hey, what are you lookin' at? Sorry! Owen: Hey, hey, I think I felt something. Lola: Maybe you like having other people around. That gives me an idea. Come on. Thanks for coming on such short notice, Dori. Dori: Oh, it's no problem. Beth is covering me at the front desk. Is there any progress, Owen? Owen: No, but if I could just make a little tweak to the situation... Lola: Oh, yeah, yeah. Jewy: Mm, yeah, this is the real Tzedakah here. Glenn: Aah! Blake: It's all right! All right, I've stopped the bleeding, but I got to get you out of here. Glenn: No, no, no! No, we can't go out there. They're sh*ting bllts, and the bllts are so hard. They're hard like lead and copper. An... And they're hot! Hot like a cat on a hot tin roof! Blake: Shut up! Snap out of it! I'm not gonna let you die! [ explsin ] Glenn: Aah! It's okay, lady. Have more peanut butter. Cat: Oh, Val, enough! Valerie: Don't touch me! Dr. Little Girl, more peanut butter! Cat: Dr. Little Girl, with all due respect... Glenn: Aah! Why are they still fring at us? Blake: I don't know! The phones must still be out. There's no way to tell them that we're Americans. They still think we're the trrorists. If there was just a way... A way to let them know we're Americans... Wait. That's it. If I can raise the American flag, then they'll know. Glenn: Or... Or we could just stay here and cuddle. [ explsin ] Blake: I got to raise the flag. It's the only way to save us. [ Grunting ] Glenn: Blake?! Bla-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a... a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ke! [ Mozart's "Requiem" plays ] I take it back. I don't want to feel. It's too much. I was kidding. I was wrong. I was young and just a snot-nosed little kid who knows nothing about nothing. We're all just little kids, thinking with our penises, our vaginas, respectively. And now I'm a man... And my friend's in trouble. And that's the secret... Helping others. Tzedakah. Duh. It's like, "duh." [ Singing in Latin ] Chief: What is she saying? Sy: She's saying that she loves the king but she didn't realize it until he died. Lola: Oh, it's almost 6:00. Owen: What? Lola: Look, we don't have much time, but if this fails, I just want you to know I've really enjoyed spending this time with you. Owen: Me, too, Lola. For some reason I feel so much closer to you. It's amazing what a few hours of full penetration can do. Lola: And I know we're not allowed to fall in love, but if we could, I'd fall in love with you. Owen: Whoa. Lola: What? Owen: I just felt something. Lola: Oh. What's happening? Owen: Oh, no, wait. No, don't wait. Don't wait. Keep going. Keep going, please. [ Both moaning ] Valerie: [ Groaning ] It's scary down there. Cat: Look, let the grown-ups handle this, Dr. Little Girl. Go find your mommy. My mommy flew on an airplane with a baby in her tummy and her tummy went boom. ♪ Amen ♪ [ explsin ] Valerie: Oh, my God. You were right, Cat. That could have been me. Cat: I told you so, stupid. [ Both moaning ] Owen: [ Growling ] Valerie: Aah! Cat: You're almost there! Just breathe! Valerie: Oh, God! I owe you my life! I'm gonna name my baby after you, Cat. What's your full name? Cat: Catholomule. Valerie: What? Blake: Stop! Stop! We're Americans! Glenn: Blake! Blake: Look at the flag! Come on! Owen: Aah! Aah! Cat: Here it comes! Glenn: Blake! Blake! Chief: [ Sobbing ] [ Operatic music plays ] Owen: [ Screaming ] Valerie: Aah! Aah! Chief: [ Sobbing ] Owen: Is this what you wanted? Lola: Yes! Owen: Is this what you wanted?! Glenn: I'm coming! Cat: It's coming! Owen: I'm coming! Aah! [ Operatic music continues ] Stand down. Everyone stand down! They're Americans! Glenn: They're going! They're going! [ Both laugh ] Valerie: [ Laughing ] Sal: Attention, staff... wr is not the answer unless the question is "What is the singular of 'wars'?" That is all. Lola: So wait... You have had an orgasm before? Owen: I didn't realize that's what an orgasm was. I've had thousands of those. I think it was a semantics thing. Sy: Excuse me. How is it possible that we were gone for 24 little hours and this place is such a mess? It seems like a bmb went off in here. Blake: That is literally what happened. Sy: That's what it seems like to me. That a bmb went off in here. Blake: It seems that way because that is what happened. Sy: That's the feeling I'm getting, exactly... I'm feeling a bmb went off in here. Lola: There was bmb. Blake: You're feeling right. You're feeling right. Sy: Well, then we're on the same page because, wow! Anybody who came in here would feel the same way... A bmb went off in here. Owen: We just got attcked. Sy: Well, I would like to talk to those people to see if they have the same feeling I do. Blake: You're talking to all of them right here. Owen: Raining hellfire from above. Lola: Screaming. Sy: Well, it seems very "b*mb." Sal: Attention, staff... Our military adventure is over, just like that movie, "M.A.S.H." That is Altman.	{"type": "series", "show": "Childrens Hospital", "episode": "05x13 - Coming and Going"}	foreverdreaming
Chuck; Morgan, this is a bad idea. Morgan: Well, we can't stay here, Chuck. Chuck: I'm uncomfortable with the plan. Morgan: Plan? What plan? This is survival. That's her. We've been compromised. I'm a ghost. Chuck: Morgan, you can't leave me like this. You can't do this to me, man. Ellie: Chuck, what are you doing? Chuck; Uh, escaping. Ellie: From your own birthday party? Morgan: Hey, Ellie. Wow, you look fan... tastic. Chuck: Uh, you know, sis, the thing is, Morgan and I don't really feel like we're fitting in... at my birthday party, 'cause we don't know any body, 'cause they're all your friends and they all happen to be doctors. Morgan: Doctors who don't really get our jokes. Chuck : Well, your jokes. Morgan: Okay, my jokes. Ellie: Chuck, I have invited real, live women for you. So please... let's go. Morgan, you stay here. Chuck: Need a hand, buddy? Morgan : No, no, no, I'm okay, I'm allright. Chuck Season 1 Episode 01 Ellie: Birthday boy, come with me. We're going to be social. You are funny, you are smart, you are handsome. Chuck: Thank you. Oh, there's captain awesome. Ellie: Please don't call him that. Devon: Okay, I've identified some candidates for Chuck and they are awesome. Let me introduce you to Chuck, Ellie's brother. Young Woman 1: Hi, Chuck. We've heard so much about you. Are you in a costume? Chuck: No, I-I... I work for the nerd herd. Young woman 2: "Nerd Herd"? That is so cute. What do you really want to do? Chuck: Working on my five-year plan. Just need to choose a font. Young woman 3: What happened here? Did you hurt your hand? Chuck: No, no, it's, uh, from call of duty. The controller chafes after several hours. Young woman 4: So Ellie said you went to stanford. Chuck: Yes, that's technically correct. I graduated in '02. Young woman 4 : What was your major? Chuck: Engineering. Young woman 4: Oh, my god, I knew this great guy. He was an engineer, um, he ran track and I think he was a gymnast, too. Chuck: Bryce Larkin, he was my roommate. Young woman 4: Oh, yes. What's he doing now? Chuck: I think he's an accountant. Bryce Larkin: It's hard to say good-bye. Security breach. Data vault. Young woman 4: So, do you have a girlfriend? Chuck: Uh, no... I did a while back at stanford. Yeah. And her name was Jill. We met fresh man year. Young woman 4: Oh, that was a while back. Chuck: I remember when I met Jill, I was... it was an economics class. I was walking across the quad and she had dropped her bag, and I was like, you know, rushing to... to go and pick it up for her, and, uh... and we kind of, like, did that whole, like, you know, kind of in a cartoon, kind of bumped heads, and... there was a whole gng of us... Jill and Bryce. We had so much in common then. Ellie: How's he doing? Devon: Not awesome. Chuck: So there I was, jill with Bryce, me on a train home. I guess she thought he was more exciting. Security Agent:,Larkin is in the vault. Larkin, open the door! The intersect computer's been compromised. Blow the door! We can't let him go! Call for backup. Larkin! Freeze! Stop right there! Larkin! Cover right! Larkin, stop! Larkin is on the roof. All units converge. I repeat, Larkin is on the roof. All units converge. John Casey: Don't move. Bryce:,Too late, Casey. Chuck: Thanks for my party. Your seven-layer dip... tasted like eight. Ellie: Chuck, can I tell you something? Chuck: It really was eight layers? Ellie: Even though we may ask, no woman really wants to hear about an old girlfriend. It's depressing, okay? Stanford was five years ago. You need to move on. It's time. Chuck: Do we really have to have this conversation again? Ellie: We've rehearsed it enough. Chuck: Fine. I'll get over Jill tomorrow. Morgan; Hey, there. Seems like everybody had a really good time, huh? I know I did. Super. Cheer up, Chuck, you talked to some women. You know, it's a start. Wow blast from the past wow. Bryce remembered your birthday, dude. Chuck: What? Morgan: The guy who got you kicked out of school, the guy who stole your girl, remember that guy? Chuck: Yeah, Morgan, I think I remember Bryce. All right, well... what, uh, what do we got here? Huh, what is it? Chuck: Zork... you remember Zork the old text, based video game? Well, Bryce and I programmed our own version of it back at stanford using a trs-80. Morgan: Wow, you guys were really cool. Chuck: Yeah, if I could only remember what was in my hero's satchel. The wapon that I would use to kll the terrible troll. Morgan: Right. You know what, you're still really cool. Chuck: And, uh, you're going home. Morgan : Is it that time? Chuck: It's that time. Morgan: Right. Chuck: Pedal safe! Thank you. attck... troll... with nasty Knfe. Morgan: Chuck? Chuck. Dude... Dude, you... you okay? Chuck: Morgan? Morgan: Yeah, man, yeah, it's me. Chuck: What happened? Morgan: I was going to ask you the same question. You okay? Chuck: Did you spike the punch? Morgan: Something goes wrong, you blame me. After all these years, where's the trust? Yes, I did. News anchor: The 101 is clear at Universal City. Watch out for delays near Burbank Airport. Security's checking all vehicles. We got a sigalert on the I-605, San Gabriel River Freeway, Ut South Bound. A fender bender on the I-5, Santa Ana freeway, north bound, from 91 freeway to the I-... Morgan: So this morning I'm playing xbox. And I'm like, dude, just let me get the snper rfle, I'll take care of it, the guy won't give me the snper rfle. I made him eat a frag grenade. Chuck: Morgan, Morgan, Morgan, Morgan. As much as I would love to talk video games with you right now, I've got a really splitting headache and I... in fact, you know what? Can you do me a favor? Do you mind driving? Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you... are you, look, are you being serious? You're going to let me drive? Chuck: It's a company car, Morgan. It's not that big a deal. Morgan: It's not just a company car, okay? A hoopty's a hoopty, home boy. I mean, this baby's sitting on chrome. Or... plastic. Chuck: Do me a favor and stay off the 5, okay? Because the cops are in phased deployment. Morgan: Okay. Thanks for the tip, ponch. Chuck: Fellow nerds, today is going to be a very bad day. We've got a new computer virus on our hands. They're calling this one the Irene Demova virus. Yes, yes, it's named after the serbian prn star. Lonely dude call volume will be high. This is a nasty one, kids. It's a computer kller. Last night, the display version of our prism express laptop was fried when someone... excuse me... decided to enter mrs. Demova's web site. Anna, close the eyes. This is what happens. Virus voice: Food is sexy? Am I sexy? Am I... sexy... Morgan: Sorry, Chuck. She drives me crazy. But that's love. Chuck: Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll please just ignore dirty uncle Morgan, I think that everything... News anchor : To arrive in Los Angeles later today to deliver a speech before the pacific security league tomorrow evening... Chuck: Will be... News anchor: The general has drawn fre for his criticism... Chuck: normal. General Stanfield, the former allied commander of nato... Chuck: He's already here. He landed last night. Anna: Who's already here, Chuckles? Trying to stop tomorrow night's speech from happening... Chuck: I don't know. National intelligence director: Bryce Larkin was CIA, graham. He was one of your agents. CIA director Graham: And it was NSA's job to find him and to question him, not to kll him. Thanks to rambo here, we've got nothing. Casey: No, you got a dad CIA agent. It's a gold star in my book. Graham: If this gets out... Casey: It won't. Graham: Nobody asked you. National intelligence director: Actually, they did. Major Casey is heading up this investigation. Graham: So what was Bryce after, hmm? What did this computer do? National intelligence director: Well, this computer did everything. After 9/!!, the NSA and the CIA were told to play nice share their intel. This is how we did it. Graham: Every scrap of data we had went into this computer. It mined for patterns in the chatter. Saw things we didn't. National intelligence director: The data was encrypted into thousands of images. Who ever received Larkin's e-mail got all of our secrets. Find those secrets, Casey. Casey: I found this on Larkin. Hard drive is fried. We picked up a trace signature. National intelligence director:?Where? Casey: Los Angeles. Which is perfect. I've been feeling a little pasty. Morgan: Stop the presses! Who is that? Vicki Vale. Chuck: Vicki Vale, Vick-Vicki Vale. Vickity-Vickity, Vicki Vale, Vic-Vicki Vale. Sarah Walker: I hope I'm not interrupting. Chuck: No. Not at all. That's... it's from batman. Sarah: 'Cause that makes it better. Morgan: Hi. I'm Morgan. This is, uh, this is Chuck. Sarah: I didn't think people still named their kids Chuck, or Morgan, for that matter. Chuck: My parents are sadists, and carnival freaks found him in a dumpster. Morgan: But they raised me as one of their own. Chuck: How can I help you... ? Sarah: Sarah. Chuck: Sarah. Sarah: I'm here about this. Chuck: Oh, yeah. The intelicel. Yeah. Absolutely. This model has a little screw that pops loose right in the back here. Just go ahead and give ita couple of quick turns and... good as new, no problem. Sarah: Wow! You geeks are good. Chuck: Nerds. I would say nerds probably more... Morgan: It's no big deal. Chuck: You know, yeah. I mean, nerd herd. Father: Excuse me. Excuse me. I have an emergency. I don't know what I did wrong, but I sht the entire recital, but, um, now it... now it won't play back. Chuck: Okay. We'll just take a look and... you don't have a tape in here. Father: But it's digital. Morgan: Oh, boy. Chuck: Right. Yes. But you still need digital tape. Father; Oh, no. Her mom's going to kll me. Chuck: Morgan, I need the wall. Morgan: It's yours. Chuck: I'm so sorry. Okay. This... this way. You ready? What's wrong? Daughter: I'm usually in the back row. Chuck: Why? Daughter: I'm too tall. I block the other ballerinas. Chuck: Can I tell you a secret? But you can't tell the other girls. Real ballerinas are tall. Did you get it? Did it work? Harry tang: Chuck. Chuck: Hi, Harry. Uh, look, we'll be back up and running in five minutes. Harry: Five minutes? Do you know what five minutes means in buy more dollars? Chuck: I didn't realize we had our own currency. Look, I'm sorry about all the commotion. Harry:,We are not stock boys anymore, Chuck! We are leaders, Buy More leaders. And you wonder why Big Mike wants me for assistant manager. Chuck: There's an open position? Big Mike didn't tell me about that. Harry: And why should he? He knows you won't leave the comfort of the Herd. Morgan: Chuck, dude, she left you her card. Yes. Why wouldn't you call this girl? Chuck: Oh, I don't know. Did you see her? Morgan: Yes. Oh, man, yes. That's why I'm going to repeat the question. Why wouldn't you call this girl? Chuck; Because I live on planet earth, Morgan. Why are you following me home? Morgan: Aw, come... hey. We're buddies. We're going to go do friend things, and... I need to use your computer because mine's still acting up on me. Both: Irene Demova. Morgan: Ah! So beautiful and so... deadly. Both: Yeah. Morgan: You know, you got to understand. This is what I've been telling people for I don't know how long... Chuck: Please, not the computer. Hai! Morgan: Come on, Chuck! Do something! Give me the... that's my friend! Okay, look, he's not that good of a friend. Chuck: Didn't you hang that shelf? Sarah: Damn it. Lester: Nah, I've been through it. It's dad. It's totally fried. This hard drive was... mrder. Jeff: What if you were the unwitting target of a ninja vendetta, and he returns tonight to strangle you with his nunchakus? Chuck: That's super, Jeff. Thanks for thinking outside the box on that one. And here I thought I couldn't get any more freaked out. I'm going to go buy some new locks next door at Large Mart. Oh, thank God. Excuse me, sir. Do you know where they sell the... Ominous customer: What do you want? Chuck: Um... No. Sorry. Sorry. Nothing. Nothing at all. Just... I was, uh... Look at that. Oh, God! Come on. Oh, My God! Thank god! Listen! There's a guy here, and he's trying to do something. I don't know. You have to call the cops, security the guy at the front who's checking receipts. Large mart associate: What kind of guy? Chuck: Scary, kind of a terminator vibe. Stubble. Red hair. Large mart associate: Black leather jacket? Chuck: Yes! Large mart associate: Like that guy. Sarah: I have eyes on him right now. Like I said, the computer was destroyed. Beyond repair. Graham: Okay. It's done. I want you in the air in an hour. Sarah: But what if he has an external drive? A backup? Graham: It's over, Sarah. The NSA is stepping in. Bryce was CIA, he was our guy, and he brned us. Casey's on his way out. You're being recalled. Sarah: 'Cause of Casey? He's a burnout. Graham: He's a kller, Sarah. Cold school. I want you to listen to me. What ever happened with Bryce, you couldn't have known. You couldn't have stopped. You couldn't have stopped. Sarah: But I can fix it. But I can fix it. If there's a backup, I'll find it. Just give me 12 hours. Chuck: I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. I'm losing my mind. Morgan, not now. [ad][/ad] Hi! Hi... phone trouble again? Sarah: Yeah. I'm not sure I'm able to receive calls, 'cause I never got one from you. Morgan: Oh, man! She... Sarah: I'm sorry I left so quickly yesterday. I had an appointment with a realtor. I just moved here. Chuck: Welcome. Sarah: Thanks. And, uh... I don't really know anyone here. I was wondering if you would show me around. That is, if you're free. Morgan: Oh, he's free. He's got nothing but time on his hands. He is very available. You guys are going to have a great time. What's that, sir? Xerox machines? Yeah, I'm on it. Chuck: Apparently, my schedule is wide open. Sarah: Great. Ellie: Hey, Chuck. Chuck: Ellie, Captain. Don't freak out. Remain calm. I have some news. Morgan: Chuck's got a date! Ellie: What? Who? Devon: Way to go, Chuck. That's awesome. Ellie: Oh, God, what are you going to wear? Chuck: Uh... Ellie: So, Sarah... She's nice? Pretty? Chuck: Yeah. Actually, Morgan met her online in this kind of chat room... I'm totally kidding. Ellie: Try it on. Chuck: Honestly, this... Ellie: I'm a girl. I know what girls like. Chuck: I'll go change. Ellie: Chuck. Hey, so, these are left over from the party. Take those. And, um, don't forget about the old girlfriend rule. Chuck: Right, got it. No mention of Jill. Ellie: Aces, Charles. You're aces. Chuck: A dad quote. I'm impressed. Love you, sis. Ellie: I love you. Have fun. Chuck: I will. I'll try. Morgan: Just... they grow up so fast, you know, and... Ellie: Go home, Morgan. Just go home. Go home. Sarah: He's picking me up for a date. You're on your own on this one, Sarah. Graham: I can't help you if something goes wrong. Sarah: I don't know about this guy, Graham. Graham: Nice guys aren't sent government secrets. Sarah: What should I do if he runs? Graham: kll him. Chuck: So, yeah, I live with my sister and her boyfriend, captain awesome. Sarah: No! Chuck: It's true, though. Sarah: So, so, wait. You call him "captain awesome"? Chuck: Yeah, wait till you meet him. Everything he does is awesome: Climbing mountains, jumping out of planes, flossing. Sarah: That's funny. Chuck: I'm... I'm a funny guy. Sarah: Clearly. Which is good cause I am not funny. Chuck; Is that your big secret, by the way? 'Cause I've been sitting here trying to figure out what's wrong with you. Sarah: Oh, plenty, believe me. Chuck: And I was thinking either she's a cannibal or she's really not that funny, and I was pulling for cannibal 'cause I never met one before. Sarah: Uh, not a cannibal but I did just come out of a long relationship, so I may come with baggage. Chuck: I could be your very own baggage handler. Uh, so the guy, the ex, the guy, the ex is the reason you moved here from... Sarah: Uh, D. C. Chuck: Right. Sarah:Yeah, after I realized that all of my friends were his friends and that everything about Washington reminded me of... bruce, I needed a change, a big one. Chuck: Bruce... yeah. You give me crap for being Chuck and you went out with a bruce? That's nice. That's real good. Sarah: So, so what about you? What skeletons do you havein your closet? Any secrets? Any women? Chuck: Uh, yeah, yeah. Uh, actually, well, back in college there was someone... actually, that's all over with now and her restraining orders are very specific. so... I like you, Chuck. Sarah: So, where are we going? Chuck: Well, do you like music? Sarah: I guess. Chuck: You guess? What's your favorite band? Oh, my Gosh! Oh, my Gosh! Sarah: God, I'm not funny, I don't listen to music. This must be your worst date ever, right? I was waiting for you to say "no" . Chuck: Sorry, sorry, I kind of zoned out there for a second. No. No, no, no. God, no, I, uh, I've had... I've had much, much worse, uh, much worse dates... experiences overall with women. In 11th grade, actually. Sarah: 11th grade? You have to go back that far? Come on. Casey: Chuck Bartowski's your mark. NSA director wants him with a pulse. Till we find out who he's working with and what he knows, he lives. CIA skirt... you can kll. Sarah: They're good. Chuck: Good! Good! Sarah: Let's dance! Chuck: I'm not really a dancer. Hey, hey, hey, where's the fre? Sarah: Chuck, give me your keys. I don't mean to be old-fashioned, but the company only wants employees... nerds, driving the nerd herd mobile. I mean, it's kinda, you know... Sarah: Get in the car. Chuck: How did you get in to my car? Sarah: Get in the car right now! Chuck: Sarah... Sarah: Just get in! Chuck: What is going on? Please tell me what's going on! Sarah, you're not even looking! Wait, wait, wait. Who are these guys? What do they want? Oh, My God! Oh, My God! Oh! Oh, My God, Oh My God, I'm gonna die! Sarah: Tell me when to turn. Chuck: Uh, uh, left in five seconds! Sarah: Your left or my left? Chuck: What? Sarah: Too late! Chuck: Oh, My God! Stoner: Whoa... computer emergency. Sarah: Listen to me, Chuck. Those men will hurt you. They're from the NSA and they're after you. Chuck: Me? Why, why? Why me? I'm nobody. I'm the supervisor of a nerd herd at a buy more. Maybe one day I'll be assistant store manager and I don't even know if I want that job. You know, that's not your problem... but that is. Sarah: Back! Back! get out of the car. Let's go, Chuck. Move! Wait, wait... Chuck: Sarah, look out! Sarah. Sar... Sarah: Request emergency air evac. Track location, we're on foot. Let's go! How well do you know Bryce Larkin? Sarah: What? How do you... how do you know Bryce? Sarah: We worked together at the CIA. Chuck: The what? ! The CIA? Bryce is a spy? ! Bryce larkin from connecticut is a spy? Sarah: A rogue spy. Did he try to contact you? Chuck: I haven't heard from Bryce in... wait. No, he... he-he sent, he sent me an e-mail. Sarah: Did you open it? Chuck: Yeah. It was, it was a line from zork. Sarah: What? Zork, it's a video game that we used to play. Chuck: It was like a riddle, and I solved it and then there was, uh, pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. Sarah: You saw them? Uh, your computer, did you back it up? Is there an external drive? Chuck: It crashed a week ago. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Was I not supposed to look at those pictures? Sarah: Okay, I may have to aim my gn at you, so just don't freak out. Chuck: Why? Casey: It's late. I'm tired. Let's cut the crap and give him to me now. He belongs to the NSA. Sarah:,The CIA gets him first. You come any closer and I sht. Chuck: Sarah... I'm freaking out. Casey: You sht him, I sh*t you. I leave both your bodies here, go out for a late snack. I'm thinking may be pancakes. Sarah: Chuck, no! Chuck: They're gonna kll him. Sarah: kll who? Chuck: Stanfield, the general. The General Stanfield, the nato guy. Look, something is wrong with me, okay? I don't know what it is, but something is very, very wrong with me, and I'm remembering things that I shouldn't know. Sarah: Okay, Chuck, talk to me. Like what? Chuck: I don't know. I don't know. For example, uh... there was, there was a serbian demolitions expert at the large mart today. That's kind of odd, wouldn't you say? Look, last week the NSA, you guys intercepted some blue prints, blue prints of a hotel, that hotel. And then the CIA, you guys found a file of schematics of a bmb in prague. The bmb is in that hotel! Casey: He was working with Bryce. Sarah: No, he opened Bryce's e-mail. Chuck, those pictures that you saw were encoded with secrets, government secrets. If you saw them, then you know them. Chuck: There were thousands of 'em. Casey: Wait a minute. You're telling me all of our secrets are in his head. Sarah: Chuck, is the computer. Chuck; What did you, what did you say? What does that mean? Sarah: Chuck, you have to listen to me. You have to tell us where... Chuck: What's happening to me? Sarah: You said there was a bmb. Is there time to stop it? Chuck: What? What? Are you crazy? Casey: No, we're the good guys. We get paid to keep bmb from exploding. Chuck: Look, I can't, I can't help you, okay? I really wish that I could, but I can't. Call Bryce. He's the guy that can save the day. Sarah: Bryce is dad! He died sending those secrets to you. Chuck: Bryce is dad? Casey: Yeah, and he's gonna have a lot of company unless you start talking. So, pretty please... Can we defuse the bmb now? Chuck: According tothe schedule, general's Already on the stage. General Stanfield: Was our mission to give our nation's diplomats the military perspective on world issues. Now, maybe it was just because I was a uniform... Sarah: Wait! Casey, wait! We can't take him in. He's too valuable. Casey: Okay, Johnny commodore. You stay here, but you tell us where to go. Chuck: Uh, the easiest way? Sarah: No, fastest, Chuck. Chuck: The fastest. Got it. Sarah: Chuck, stop! Sarah: Chuck, wait! Stanfield: You know, it takes courage to speak out, to take action... Chuck: This way! Sarah: Chuck, where is it? Chuck: I don't, uh... I don't, uh... That's it. Uh, right here. Sarah: Oh, god. Casey: No time to evacuate. Ideas? Sarah: Disconnect the lap top. Casey: There's no trigger. The cables. Sarah: No, definitely a trap. What the hell do yout hink you're doing? Stanfield: Uh... ladies and gentlemen, we-we may have a cautionary situation here, so we'll take a short break. Sarah: Chuck, is there anything else you remember about the bmb? What's the situation? Chuck: Hi, Morgan. Morgan: Hey, how's it going? Chuck: Little busy right now, buddy. Morgan: In a good way? Details. Chuck: Why are you calling? Morgan: I don't know, just... laying on your bed, Ellie's with the captain. My computer's got a case of the demovas. So, I figured I'd check in. You old... Chuck: okay, okay, I have an idea. Casey: That's not an xbox. And you're not in x men. Chuck: I understand that. This is a prism express laptop, okay. We sell this at our store. It has a dos over ride. I think I can do this. I can do this, please. Sarah: He's our best sht. Casey: Go. Chuck: Mr. bmb, meet Mr. Internet. Casey: He's searching for prn. Sarah: You did it. Chuck: I did it. I did it. I... I defused a real bmb. This was a real... What if I was wrong? Casey: Don't puke on the c-4 , huh? Both: He's coming with me. Casey: What if this was a fluke? Sarah: And what if it wasn't? What if he can stop something bigger? Casey: Fine, we drop him in a psych tnk, let him stare at four rubber walls for a decade. He'll tell us what we want to know. Sarah: Casey, we don't know how this works and what triggers the memories. He'll crack wide open. Casey: Not my job. I break things, I don't fix them. Sarah: What about his job? And his friends? What do we do about his sister? Chuck: What about my sister? Sarah: Nothing. We were just discussing... No, no, no, hold on a second. You have to leave my family and my friends out of this. Casey: We'll see. Chuck: Look, Bryce sent that e-mail to me. I'm the one remembering your secrets. Which means you have to listen to me, both of you. And right now... I'm going to go home. Casey: No, you're not. Uh-uh. Chuck: You... you need me. How long you been here? Sarah: All night. Chuck: There's nowhere I can run, is there? Sarah: Not from us. Talk to me, Chuck. Chuck: Yesterday I was making 11 bucks an hour fixing computers. Now I have one in my brain. And I can't figure out why Bryce did this, why he chose me. What are you going to do with me? What happens now? Sarah: For now, you go back to your own life. We'll protect you and you'll work with us. Chuck: And my sister, my friends, are they in danger? Ellie: All night... Morgan: All night! Ellie: Do you know how worried I was? I even called Morgan. Morgan: I even got to hangout with Ellie. How far did you get? Ellie: Morgan, shut up. Sarah: You tell them nothing to keep them safe. Devon: Early morning procedure, so... group hug, huh? Okay. Awesome. Sarah: Need you to do one more thing for me. Chuck: Yeah? Sarah: Trust me, Chuck. Chuck: Well, wish me luck. ( Music plays) Morgan: Sorry, man. Go get 'em. Big Mike: Didn't think you'd apply. Chuck: Well, uh... I think I'm ready for this, Big Mike, and what it means- responsibility, decisive leadership... Big Mike: Save it for the interview. Now go train the new guy. Chuck: Okey dokey. Don't freak out.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x01 - Chuck Versus the Intersect"}	foreverdreaming
♪ ♪ "Chuck" Season 1 Episode 2 Chuck: Hi. My name's Charles Bartowski, but you can call me Chuck. Those are my shoes. This is my life. It's filled with spies, car chases, computer-stealing ninjas and me saving the day. Oh, wait, wait. I need to go back. I work at the buy more. It used to be pretty boring. Harry Tang: Chuck! Get overhere! Now! Look at this. What happened? Chuck: Well, way to go, jeff. You do realize we don't work for large mart. They're our competition. Harry : Can you imagine the shame if some large mart fiend or costco stooge put out a display on our buy more green? Morgan: So this has to come down, right? Harry; Yesterday. Morgan: I now present to you the magic... of Morgan. Chuck: This is my best friend, Morgan. He is not a magician. Morgan: Voila! Chuck: See, everything changed when I got an e-mail from my old college buddy Bryce larkin. You see, Bryce had been working for the CIA when he stole a whole bunch of government secrets-- big important secrets, really scary, nasty, get-klled-for-having-them secrets. Next thing I know, these secrets are downloaded into my brain, which means every moment of my life... is in danger. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. The NSA sent their top agent to protect me. That's Casey. He's pretty scary. He works at buy more now, as a cover. So now I must defend the country from assassins... no, Casey! ... trrorists... ... and shoplifters. Casey, Casey, Casey. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. It's just a video game, okay? Lives are not in danger, and the country is still safe. Morgan: This guy's been here 24 hours and he's taking the job way more seriously than me. Chuck: That's because he's crazy. Casey: Tell me something I don't know. Morgan: Oh, hey, dawg. Nice to see you again, pal. Huh? You're not so tough now, are you? Oh, you don't like that, huh? Chuck: Sarah? The CIA sent their top agent too. Oh, yeah, I know. Believe me. She told me to trust her. But just like any woman, she's got a past. and... she's posing as my girlfriend. Sarah, what, uh... what are you doing here? Sarah: I work here now, Chuck. Oh, damn. I brned another batch. Chuck: Why are you working here? Sarah: Surveillance. I can monitor the buy more from here while you work. It's just a cover. Chuck: Right, yeah a part of the plan. 'Cause there's a plan, right? I mean, uh, you making gourmet wieners isn't exactly the reason why you joined the CIA, and Casey isn't a natural-born appliance salesman, and the whole kinda government-secrets-locked-in-my-brain thing, uh, that's, I'm sure, not really a boon for national security, so I'm hoping, I mean, I'm hoping that you'll tell me that there's a plan? Sarah: We have a plan. There is somebody who can help. We can discuss it further tonight. How about another date? I can pick you up at 8:00. Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, that sounds... I'd like that. That sounds great. I'll, uh, I'll see you. Sarah; Chuck is in. Send the doctor. Chuck: Hey, sis, what do you think of this shirt? Ellie: Another date with Sarah. This is very exciting. Chuck: Well, see, it's not that big a deal. Morgan: Yes, it is. Hey, she is hot. Jeepers. I'd go with the first shirt, too. It looks really nice with your skin tone. Chuck: Oh, yeah? Ellie: Wait a minute-- Morgan has met her, and I haven't? Morgan: Well... yeah, he confides in me, Ellie. You know? He-he tells me his deepest, darkest secrets, which, you could, too, by the way. Ellie: Here's one: I loath you. Chuck: That's not a secret. Ellie: I need to meet this girl. Tomorrow night. Dinner. Here. Morgan: A little too soon to be seeing the tron poster, don't you think? Not exactly a natural aphrodisiac. Dinner. Perfect. I'll clear my schedule. General Beckman: Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot. CIA Director Graham: Well, at least they weren't sent to his friend. "Operation Chuck." I can't believe this. I spoke with agent walker. She'll deliver Chuck to the rendezvous tonight. Beckman: Good. Dr. Zarnow's on his way to L.A. Now. He is our best, NSA's top scientist. Graham: Well, I hope he can fix this. Sarah: Get in. Chuck: Wienerlicious really pays well, huh? Uh, what are we, uh, what are we doing? We're going to, uh, like, a movie or some dinner? Sarah: Not exactly. Chuck: What, what does, what does "not exactly" mean, exactly? So. Here we are on our date at the buy more. Is this all part of the plan or a chance for me to clock in some overtime? Sarah: There's a doctor coming to see you, Chuck. He worked on the encoding process for the intersect, the computer that Bryce destroyed, the one that's in your head. He's coming to examine you. Chuck: Uh-huh, uh, and-and does this examination involve, say, I don't know, needles or perhaps probing of some kind? Sarah: The doctor is our best sht at helping you. It's what you want, right? To get the secrets out of your head. Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, of course. But you-you still... you're still being very vague about the probing, and I'd like to know the answer to that. Sarah: We've rewired the home theater room for this test. When the images start, just say what they are. Chuck: That's it? Casey: I'm sure you'll find a way to screw it up. The doctor's here. Chuck: When do I get to meet him? Sarah: You don't. It's important that he doesn't see you. You're too valuable. Chuck: Thanks. I'm flattered and totally freaked out. Casey: Dr. Zarnow? Zarnow: Agent Casey. Agent walker. Sarah: Thank you for meeting us at a neutral site. Zarnow: Let's begin. I don't understand why I can't see my patient. Sarah: For your safety, we're keeping patient x's identity a secret. Zarnow: Does patient x work here? Casey: Patient x--who knows all the intersect secrets--works in a buy more? Ridiculous. Of course. Zarnow: After the tone, the test will begin. Chuck: Uh... dog. Uh, hippopotamus. Fat guy. Ugly building. Really beautiful woman at the beach. Cardinal one is the top moscow spy in the white house office of... the plot to assassinate president carter was orchestrated by... northrop davis voting computers has been approved by the dnc, rnc and CIA. Oceanic flight 815 was sht down by surface-to-air... work on subterranean... beneath denver international airport has reached phase four. Benedictine agents within the vatican report... assassin still active... been approved by the dnc, rnc and CIA. scenario five is... okay, well, that's just a picture of a turtle. Zarnow: Your patient is phenomenal. We never imagined this. Sarah: What didn't you imagine? Zarnow: One person seeing all the intersect images. All our secrets in one mind. Casey: Can you remove the secrets, doctor? Zarnow: Yes. I think I can. Chuck: So, did I pass the test? Sarah: You did great, Chuck. Chuck: And this doctor guy--he can fix me or... ? Sarah: Uh, he's hopeful, yeah. Chuck: Okay. Oh, uh, I almost forgot. Uh... dinner tomorrow night with my sister and her boyfriend captain awesome. She really wanted to meet you. Sarah: Okay, well, that's a good idea. Chuck: Meeting the family's kind of a big step if our relationship were remotely real. so, uh, if this whole examination thing, if it works out, then I guess... we're through, huh? Sarah: Uh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Chuck: Okay. Well, good night. Sarah: Good night. Chuck: Oh, and, uh... just so you know... um... tonight was probably the best... only second date I've been on in years. Drive safe. Ellie: Did you see this? Chuck: What? Ellie: Did you know that bryce was dad? Chuck: No. No, I didn't. Ellie: Well, are you okay? Chuck: I don't know. Um... yeah, I don't know. It's crazy. I, uh, I spent so much time hating him for getting me kicked out of stanford, I don't know, really, how to feel, but it's hard to be mad at him now. Ellie: I'm really sorry, Chuck. Casey: Yeah, it’s agent Casey. I'm at the scene. No sign of zarnow's body. Probably vaporized. I guess those secrets are staying in Chuck's head. Sarah: Well... no sign of anything here. Casey: It looks like we're sending the good doctor home in an ashtray. Sarah: Okay, well, I've got hot dogs to fry. Casey: And I've got some toasters to sell. Feels like a CIA job to me. Beckman: Keep your eye on agent walker. And don't let Chuck out of your sight. He could be next. Chuck: The strong bars are getting a little sticky. On... on one. On the other one, it's fine, but on the second... Casey: You can't trust her. Big Mike: Chuck. John. Chuck: Big mike. Big mike! Big Mike: How's customer service training? Casey; Fine. Chuck: Super. Big Mike: Glad to hear it. The better my employees, the less I have to work. Chuck: Very inspiring words, sir. Casey: Regular call to arms. Big Mike: Well, go make 'em better. Show me you're assistant manager material. Chop-chop! I got a nap in an hour. Good-bye. Morgan: Good-bye. Chuck: So, uh, this is the hand-held scanner. Very expensive piece of equipment. Casey: So is a stealth fighter and somehow I managed to fly that. John: Right, uh, and the gn, you know, kind of works like A... Casey: gn? Chuck: Uh-huh. And it beeps when you scan the barcodes. Casey: Well, if screamed out loud, I'd be right at home. : I don’t want you to have any more private meetings with Sarah, hmm? Chuck: Um, is there... is there a problem? Casey: No problems, only solutions. Chuck: Well, that... sounds very much like the buy more customer policy that I've noticed you have some issue with. A now you kn, uh... you know what I think we're gonna do about that? We're gonna do some role-playing, and work on that attitude of yours how about that? Hey, Morgan. Morgan: Hi, yo. Chuck: Ah, hey, there he is. There's my johnny-on-the-spot. Morgan and Casey, you guys are gonna do some stuff. You're gonna be a shopper, and you're gonna be the sales rep, like you are. And, uh, I'm gonna talk to big mike and-and work on some stuff 'cause I know he's got other things in store. Morgan: Got it from here. Sarah: There you go. so, Chuck, no private meetings with Casey today. Chuck: What? What is it up with you guys? Did he tell you the same thing? Right, of course he did. Chuck: Hold on a second. Is something wrong? Sarah: The doctor from last night-- he was klled in an explsin soon after he left us. Chuck: Wha-what? The doctor who was supposed to fix me? Sarah: Tell me what this is. Chuck: A... a nasty... NSA incinerator. Special issue designed to eliminate all biological traces. That's what klled the doctor. Sarah: And guess who works for the NSA? Chuck: Why... why, why would Casey... Sarah: He's a kller, Chuck. It's what he does for a living. He tried to kll us, and he'll probably try to do it again. Maybe it was orders. Maybe he didn't like the way zarnow looked at him. Chuck: Oh, that's nice. I feel much better now, Sarah. What am I supposed to do? Sarah: You go back in there and you pretend like you know nothing. Go. You can do that, Chuck. Chuck: I know nothing. I know nothing, I... got it. Morgan: All right, so I'm gonna try again. Ready? Do you have any ramones? No, don't say no. It's not gonna... listen, okay. Uh, excuse me, john. How you doing? Do you have any ramones here, dude? Don't tell me you don't have any. Chuck: Casey, the... the correct response is "can we order you the ramones?" Morgan; Ramones, man, ramones. Okay, just looking for the ramones, man. Do you have ramones? 'Cause I love ramones... ow! That's a "no" on the ramones, I guess. Chuck: Okay, I don't think that's in the buy more manual. Casey: What did Sarah tell you? I know you talked to her. It's what I do for a living. Morgan; Oh, no, here it is, on the bottom shelf: Ramones. Sarah: There you go. Teenage boy: Thanks. Sarah: Bye. Teenage boy: I love you. Casey: What did you tell Chuck? Sarah: That you're a cold-blooded kller. Was I lying? Casey: No. The way I figure it, the only two people that knew the doctor was coming are right here. Since I didn't cap him, you're under arrest. Teenage boy : quick, take a pic. Teenage boy 2: She's so hot. Did you get it? Come on. Let's go put iton the internet. Lester: Mr. Bartowski. Chuck: Hi lester. Lester: Uh, code zebra. Linux install at a factory off ventura. 142 euclid. Chuck: Uh... I'm sorry. Why-why can't you and jeff go? Lester: linux, pcs? We're, uh, we're mac guys, Chuck. We're... we're I. T artists. Chuck: Okay. Yeah. Uh... fine, whatever. I'll be back in half an hour. And, uh, just tell Casey that I'm on my cell. Lester: You tell him. I'm not your servant. Okay, you know what... no, no, I mean, I'm gonna tell him. I just, you know, I mean, in general, I don't always... absolutely, I'm going to... right now, should I tell him? Chuck: Hello? Casey: Pull over. Chuck: Well, I can't pull over. I have a home install at, uh... Casey: 142 euclid? Guess who called that in? Chuck: Oh, my god. It was you! You klled the doctor, and now you're here to kll me! Are you out of your mind? What... what... what... what happened to you? Casey: Your girlfriend happened. Chuck: What, who, Sarah? Casey: She's rogue, Chuck. She klled the doctor, then she tried to kll me. Chuck: Is she okay? Yeah, I'm golden. Thanks for asking. Chuck: No, no, no, why should I believe you? She showed me the bmb. She said you did it. Casey: NSA incinerator, right? It's a nice explsive easily purchased on the black market. What do you really know about Sarah, Chuck, huh? Think. She's CIA. She worked with Bryce. He was rogue. Maybe she is, too. She found you in L.A., But she couldn't grab you because I was around. So she had to wait her chance. Dr. Zarnow screwed that up. He could pull those secrets out of your head, then she loses the intersect, so she had to act fast. let's go. Come on. Thought I turned that off. Chuck: Well, it's not me. Is it yours? Casey: No. Chuck: NSA incinerator! Run! Casey! Casey! Devon: You're nervous cooking, babe. Relax. Ellie: Devon, this dinner has to go well. Devon: It's going to be awesome. Ellie: You don't know Chuck. He freaks out when he likes a girl. Morgan: Yeah, ain't that the truth, huh? You know practice makes perfect. Ellie: How did you get in here? Morgan: Uh, Chuck's window. Or, as I like to call it, the Morgan door. Ellie: I got to lock the window. I wonder where Chuck is. Casey: Still think it was me? Chuck: Why would Sarah do this? Casey: She's cleaning the operation. Chuck: Cleaning? Casey: Eliminating everyone she's come in contact with. You know where she is? Chuck: We have to get back to my house. She's having dinner with us tonight. Casey: No, kid, you're on the next plane to washington. Chuck: But my sister... Casey: Doesn't have a super computer in her noggin. You're the priority. It's Casey. Put me through to general... hey! Hey! Morgan: Chuck! well, it's about time. Sarah: Chuck. Where have you been? Chuck: Why? You, uh, you surprised to see me? Sarah: What? Where's Casey? Chuck: I don't know. Maybe he's having some car trouble. Everyone okay? Morgan: Yeah, just a little hungry, dude. You're late. Devon: And dirty for my taste. Ellie: And your girlfriend has been just nothing but mean to me. Chuck: Look out for her. So I'm glad everyone's getting along so well. Sarah: Yeah, your sister is awesome. Devon: Indeed. Chuck: Hey! I've got an idea. Why don't we actually go out, huh, for pizza or something, someplace public, with lots and lots of people around? Ellie: Uh, Chuck, I've been cooking all day. Morgan: Yeah, cooking pot roast, dude, which is my favorite. Devon: Manzoom, manjo. Let's eat. Ellie: Sit down, okay? It'll be good. Devon: Lady. Looks great, baby. Sarah: This looks delicious, Ellie. Ellie: Oh, it was nothing. Devon: So, Sarah, let's turn this up a notch personal style. Tell us something about yourself. Sarah: Well, I'm originally from D.C. I just moved here. Ellie: Oh, Chuck had a friend who lives in D.C. Morgan: A former friend. You know, former because a: He was a jerk, and b: He'S... well, he's dad. The girl Chuck was dating before you-- he stole her. Ellie: Ugh, I just don't know how anyone could choose Bryce over Chuck. Casey: Hi. I'm john Casey. I just moved in upstairs. I thought I might bring something over. Ellie: Aw, come in. Chuck, you didn't tell me you're bringing another friend. Chuck: Hey. Hi. Yeah. It totally slipped my mind that my friend, john Casey, was coming over, and we work at buy more together. Morgan, you know john from buy more. I was telling him we were gonna have a get-together and that, you know, the more, the merrier. Casey: You pull a stunt like that again, I'll kll you before she can. Chuck: You kidder. Ellie: Chuck, we're going to need another chair. Chuck: Okey-dokey. Casey: You know what? I'm crashing the party. Maybe I should... Chuck: I'll get it. Ellie: Strange. Casey: NSA ran a check on Sarah walker to see what we had... two years ago, she posedas a french diplomat. Infiltrated the inner circle of an arms deal. klled the entire circle. Chuck: With a bmb? Casey: We don't know. Her alias was elana truffaut. Chuck: They were poisoned. At dinner. Wonderful. hey, sis... chair. Ta-da! So... thank you. Ellie: Chuck. I mean, I knew that you had it in you, but she is... oh, she is... wow, she's really great. Chuck: Yeah. She'S... unpredictable. Ellie: Hey, listen to me. You have no reason to be nervous. Okay? Now, you have a great girl out there. I mean, she even made dessert. Chuck: Dessert? Yeah. Oh, dessert. Dessert. Poison. Don't freak out. Stop! We... uh, we didn't do a toast... yet. Which I... which I'll do right now. Uh... so, I'd like to propose a toast. To my sister. To my sister, and-and to... to a meal that looks so great. And devon, you're great. And Sarah. And Sarah for a great dessert. And to john Casey and-and his... and his... and his mini quiches, which are equally as great. Morgan: And what about me, Chuck? Ellie: For what? Chuck: And to morgan for his great comic timing. Morgan: Thank yo sir. Devon: Cheers. Ellie: Well, you know, that soufflé does look amazing. Devon: You're right, honey. I can't even resist. Chuck: Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait. Who likes magic? Morgan: I do! Chuck: I know a trick. Sarah: Chuck... oh, Chuck, what are you doing? Chuck: Voila! Devon: Whoa, Chuck, that was... Morgan: I knew you could do it, man. Casey: Flame? Ellie: Chuck! Chuck, look, no matter how stressed out you are, it is never okay to mrder a woman's soufflé? Sarah: Um, you know what? Let me talk to him. Chuck: Casey, hey, maybe, uh... Sarah: Tell me exactly what Casey said. Chuck: Nothing. Everything's okay. Devon: Makeup sex. Nice. Sarah:,What did he tell you? Chuck: That you klled Dr. Zarnow and poisoned a bunch of french diplomats. Sarah: They're blaming me for zarnow? Chuck: If you're planning on hurting me, even to prove a point, I think you should know I have a very low threshold for pain. Sarah: And you believe Casey? Chuck: Tell me about the french diplomats. Sarah: They were french assassins, and they were after me, but I got to them first. And you know what? I'm kinda glad that I did. Chuck, do you really think that my name is Sarah? I never asked you to believe me. I asked you to trust me. This doesn't make sense. If Casey didn't kll zarnow, then... Chuck: What are you doing? Sarah: I have to go right now. Uh, I'm sorry. I have to go, but dinner was wonderful. Chuck: Gotta go. Be back. Casey: Yeah, well, I better be going, too. This has been great. Thanks. Ellie: Uh... you're welcome. Morgan: I think that went well. You know, not great, but I think it went well. So, uh, I'm gonna make a little doggy bag and head out my Morgan door. How about that? Sounds good? Super-duper. Chuck: Sarah, wait! Sarah: You stay inside. Do what I say. Chuck: Do you think we were wrong? Sarah: Casey! Casey: Hey, don't move. Zarnow? Zarnow: Good to see you again, agent Casey. Chuck: Oh, my god. Casey: Yep, we were wrong. Chuck: Casey, he's got Sarah. We've got to save her. Casey: Brilliant deduction, nancy drew. Now pull out the tranq dart! Chuck: Oh, I have a very strong aversion to needles. Casey: Do it! Chuck: Okay, uh, here we go. That was the doctor, right? He's probably not dad? Casey: And the sun sets in the west. Nothing gets by you. One, two, three. Chuck: What's he gonna do with Sarah? Casey: He's gonna trture her until she tells him all about you. Come on. If we hurry, we can catch him. Chuck: All right, where are we going? Casey: I laced my quiches with microbots. Chuck: You're not kidding, are you? Casey: I don't kid about quiche. We can trace him using the car's tracker. Chuck: Yeah, I think that only comes with the sports package. Casey: We made some enhancements when your car was in the shop. Got a signal. Let's go. Chuck: Hey, Casey, Casey. Wait a minute. Why, why would he bring Sarah here? Casey: I don't know. You wait here. damn tranq dart. come on. Oh, god. hey, wait, you idiot! Chuck: It's Morgan. He ate your quiches. We're on the wrong trail. Casey: Come on. I got nothing. Chuck: What do you mean you got nothing? Then what do we do? Casey: It's over. She's gone. Chuck: No, no, no, no, no. Okay, this is our fault. We didn't believe her. Now we have to save her. Look, if you were a bad guy, what would you do, fly Sarah out on a plane? Would you use a boat or a-a-a what? Casey: Chopper. Small airfield near the water. The closest I could find. Chuck: Then do-do a satellite search using the touch screen and then maybe limit that to airfields that are within a certain range of us and then maybe limit that by if there's activity on the ground? Casey: That's not bad. Chuck : Thanks. Yeah, I was just kind of, you know, spitballing, just kind off top of my head. I was thinking... Casey: Found it. Port of los angeles. Floor it. Okay. This is how this is gonna work. I'm gonna go over there, rescue Sarah, and capture Dr. Zarnow, sh*t anybody who gets in my way. You, you're gonna stay here. Chuck: So, in this plan I basically do nothing? Casey: Yep. Chuck: Let's do this. All right, all right. Now we wait. Stay in the car. Stay in the car. Do not leave the car. Do not leave this car. Sarah, are you okay? Sarah: What are you doing here? Chuck: Stupid question. Okay, uh, should I... ? Sorry. Sarah: Chuck, you have to get out of here. Chuck: No, I'm here to save you. Sarah: You shouldn't even be here; you're too valuable, and, besides, I have this well in hand. Chuck: Uh-huh, yeah, 'cause it looks well in hand. Sarah: Just find me something to pick this lock. Chuck: I don't... okay, here. Sarah: Go, go, go! The tape, the tape. Zarnow: The helicopter's ready, agent walker. This is your last chance. We're going to a special facility where they're going to trture you. Really trture, not this child's play. Or you could just tell me who is patient X. Something for the flight. Chuck: Oh, crap. Sarah: Run! Chuck: Oh, crap. I know you. I know your secret. You-you've been feeding american science to north korea for years. Zarnow: Ah, patient X. To think that my secrets are in that head of yours. It's an honor, really. Of course, to hell with honor. I'm here for the impressive dollar figure the human intersect will fetch. Who will I offer you to first? Chuck: Sarah... Sarah... Zarnow: don't worry, agent walker. I'll take good care of him. Sarah: No, Casey, don't sht. They have Chuck. Zarnow: Proceed to bravo coordinates. The ship will be waiting there. Pilot: It's about ten miles offshore. 15-minute flight. Chuck: Don't move! Zarnow: You must be kidding. Chuck: I want you to land the helicopter right now. Zarnow: It's heavier than you thought. Chuck: What? Zarnow: The gn. It's heavy. Chuck: Don'T... don't! Zarnow: Give me back the gn. Chuck: I'm not giving you the gn! Zarnow: You sht the pilot, you idiot! Chuck: I didn't mean to do that. What's happening? Who's flying this thing? You're going to kll us both. Zarnow: Come on, Chuck. let me go. get your hands off of me! Chuck: Get off of me! oh, god. That's a crane. Sarah: Oh, my god, Casey, I think chuck's flying the chopper. Chuck: Yeah, I'm here. Casey: I told you to stay in the car. Chuck: You know what? Forget about the car. Tell me how to fly a helicopter. Casey: All right, there's a collective in the cyclic control. Chuck: What? Casey: One's the stick. One looks like an emergency brake. Grab 'em both. Chuck: Okay, okay, I got it. This is not working! Casey: Push the stick just a bit forward while doing the same thing with the emergency brake. Chuck: Ground-- not good. Casey: Pull up! Pull up! Pull up on the emergency brake! Level off. Level off! Chuck: I don't know how. I don't know how to level off! Casey: Listen, moron, you want to die? Chuck: Casey, put Sarah on the phone. Sarah: Give me the phone, Casey. Casey: Here. Sarah: Okay... uh, Chuck, you're going to be okay. Now, I need you to focus. Uh, have you ever played any flying games before? Chuck: Flight simulators? Yeah. Flight simulators? Yeah, sure, I've done those, yeah. Sarah: Okay, which ones? Chuck: Uh, maverick of the skies... uh, stealth fighter elite... uh, apache chopper patrol. Sarah: Great. Okay, now remember that last one. I want you to pretend like you're playing that game, okay. You're just in your bedroom, you're playing a game, and none of this is real. Chuck: It's just a game. It's just a game. Okay, I can do this. I can play this game. Sarah: Easy, Chuck, easy. Chuck: Uh... uh, is this one of those helicopters that can turn into a boat? Sarah: No, it isn't. Just ease to the right and goose the brake. They designed the game exactly like the helicopter. Chuck: I got it. I got it. Sarah: Almost there. A little more to the right. Chuck: Keeping right. Keeping right. Goosin' the brake. It's just a game. A big scary video game. oh, thank you, god! oh, yes! You are wonderful. And that is how... I do... that! That's how we do that. Go, team. Sarah... see Sarah. Up top on that one. Palms are a little sweaty, but... Sarah: what the hell were you thinking? Chuck: Clammy hands, got it, no good. Sarah: Chuck, the secrets that you know are incredibly important. You compromised everything when you stopped trusting me. Casey: And when you got out of the car. Chuck: Listen, I'm... I'm sorry, okay? Sarah: No, it is not okay. How could you think I was the double, huh? You know, I am not Bryce. Bryce betrayed everything that I believe in, and if you ever accuse me of that again, then I will walk away. Mission over. We all go back to washington. And you do not want that to happen, Chuck. That you should trust me on. Casey: Way to go, ace. Ellie: Dad's suit? Casey: Yeah. It's my only one. Ellie: I'm quite certain he wouldn't mind, though. You realize that you don't have to go to Bryce's funeral. Chuck: Yeah, yeah, I guess. It's just we had a lot of history. Even if he did get me kicked out of school and steal my girlfriend. Ellie: Well... you've moved on to bigger and better girls. I don't really mean bigger like, literally bigger. I just mean that, um... that I really like Sarah. And I hope you guys work things out before the next dinner party, of course. Chuck: I don't know... I don't know, sis. I... I... look, I really think I blew it. Ellie: Chuck, just try apologizing. It goes a long way. Sarah's special. She's different from your stanford friends. Beckman: He flew a helicopter? Your report was rather terrifying, major Casey. Do we really have the situation in hand, or should Mr. Bartowski in our care full-time? Casey: Well, you know how I feel, general. But for now, we're in control. Beckman: Then Chuck stays where he is. But, uh, don't get too comfortable, Casey. The new intersect will be up and running in six months. Casey: And what happens to chuck when this is done? Beckman: Well, you'll do what you do best. Chuck: knock, knock. Sarah: Hey, Chuck. Chuck: How is everything? I saw you at the funeral. Sarah: Oh, yeah, I had to go. After everything Bryce did, he was still my partner. Chuck: Look, I'm not accusing you of anything... today. Yesterday, yes, I may have laid it on a little thick with the accusing. But I'm really sorry about that. Instead of not trusting you, I should have been thanking you for saving my life and protecting the country and-and-and... and making really tasty gourmet wieners. Sarah: I'm sorry I yelled at you. Chuck: It was our first fight. You know, it's a big step, if our relationship were remotely real. Sarah: You know, with Dr. Zarnow gone, Chuck, those intersect secrets aren't going anywhere. That means more missions, more danger, more secrets that you can't tell your sister or your friends. Chuck: I know that. Sarah: Some people want to be heroes and others have to be asked. So... Chuck, are you ready? good. Ellie: I hope we're not interrupting anything. Chuck: Uh... by the way, I thought we'd give that dinner another sh*t, maybe here. Morgan: We knew you'd forgive him. Sarah: Right, and you realize that you all have to eat my cooking. Devon: Give me the 411 on the corn dogs. What do you think, man? Morgan: What do you recommend, buddy? Chuck: Sarah? Sarah: Holy... okay. Chuck: Cheers.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x02 - Chuck Versus the Helicopter"}	foreverdreaming
(Tehran, Iran.) Ray: Not very good. Terrible use of color. (Madrid Barajas airport two weeks later.) This looks like it was painted by a five year-old. (Miller Art Gallery downtown Los Angeles.) Art dealer: Your money's on the desk. What a piece of crap. (One month later. Northeast Los Angeles.) Chuck: Please... please don't sht; don't sht me. Just put the gn down. Gently. Kid:I can't sht. That's the problem. The stupid thing is busted. Chuck: Well, when it comes to Mr. Bartowski, my friend, busted is just a state of mind. Opening this puppy up. reconfigure that. And ta-da--locked and loaded. Try that. nice sht. See? Harry: Chuck, big mike wants to see you. Chuck: Not now, harry. Can't you see? I'm with a customer? I apologize, sir. This is not normally how we do things at buy more. Now, Chuck! Chuck: I was just on my wayto see you-- that's crazy. Pause that. Bartowski, what is itthat you want out of life? Chuck: You mean, existentially--like, fulfillment, inner peace, that kind of a thing? Or are we talking more practically, like, lakers tickets, personal steam room... we're talking buy more. Career objectives. Big Mike: Where do you see yourself in five years, ten years? Chuck: Honestly? Big Mike: Honestly. Chuck: I have absolutely no idea. Big Mike: Well, then it's time you started to think about it. As you know, there's an assistant management position open. It's down to you and harry tang. Now, you want that job or not? Chuck: I do, I do. Uh, I'm sorry, big mike. I absolutely want that job. Big Mike: Well, then, Bartowski, it's your turn to show me something. Chuck: I got some bad news. Big mike wants us to fix all of this junk in two days, or he's going to give the assistant store manager position to Tang. I'm sorry, guys. And anna. Anna; Guys is fine. I don't mind. Chuck: No, it's not right. We need to come up with something non-gender specific. How do we feel about team? Anna: The little nerd herders? Lester: The lesters? Jeff: Chuck's sab of hos. Morgan: Hey... Oh, man, uh, heard big mike threw down the gauntlet. Wanted to come byand say I'd love to help. But, a: I lack the skill set, and B. Old computers give me the willies. You have no idea how much courage it's takenjust to stand here. Chuck: I'm really proud of you, buddy. Morgan: Thanks, bro. I bring you news. Chuck: What? Morgan: Your lady's here. And if I'm not oversteppingmy bounds, looking good. Chuck: Hey. Sarah: Hey. Give me a kiss. Chuck: I'm sorry. What? We've been on three dates. We have to sell it. That's it? Chuck: I'm not really good with pda. Sarah: Well, let's go somewhere more private. Shall we? Morgan: Okay, he is so in. This is... hey. Okay, whoa! Why don't we give the kids a little privacy? not cool. Casey: Sorry to break up your little tryst. Next time you need to talk to the subject, I'd appreciatea heads up. Sarah: Relax. I wouldn't dream of starting without you, agent Casey. Chuck: Mom, dad, can we get on with it? I have hard drives to fix. Why are these people sleeping? Casey: They're not sleeping. Sarah: They were klled, Chuck, and we want to know why. Chuck: I have no idea. Casey: Well, look again. Chuck: I would rather not. It's kind of creepy. Jeff: Sorry. I was going to take a nap. I'll come back in five. Kind of called dibs on the couch? Sarah: Chuck, what did you see? Chuck: Um, I don'T... I'm not... I'm not totally sure. A water lily painting, wapon, an art auction tomorrow night. Does the name la ciudad mean anything to you? Casey: Why? Chuck: Because I think he's going to be at the art auction tomorrow night. Right then. I'm going to go fix some hard drives. Good luck with the spy stuff. Excuse me. Ellie: Chuck, I am so proud of you. Morgan told me about the assistant management job. Congratulations. Team Bartowski moving upin the world, huh? Chuck: Okay, first of all, it's not mine yet, and second of all, you can ease up on the enthusiasm. It's only a two dollar an hour raise at an electronics store, and it doesn't even give me my own parking space. Ellie: Well, does your lack of interest mean that you're actually considering leaving the buy more for a real profession? Morgan: Real profession? Sorry. I'm going too need clarification on that. Ellie: He went to stanford, for god's sakes, Morgan. Morgan: Right, and was unceremoniously expelled hm* year-- sorry to bring that up, champ-- butI think we need to be realistic about our goals here. His goals or your goals? Morgan: Great question, and I think we need to hammer outa plan for Chuck. Where do we see him in five years? Ten years? Ellie: We? Morgan: Fine. Then just you and I. General Beckman: We're glad to hear you've settled into Chuck's apartment building. But if he's right, this is a high priority. La ciudad is the most elusive and dangerous arms dealer in the world. Director Graham: And the last anyone heard, mi-6 in london had a drop on him, but he vanished. Sarah: Well, if he turns up, we'll just take him down at the auction. Director Graham: Not so easy. We have no idea what he looks like, no photographs. No one has ever seen la ciudad that has lived to tell about it. Casey: So we'll bring the intersect. Everything you know about la ciudad was fed into that computer. Sarah: No way. It is too dangerous. He has no field experienceor training. Casey: He'll be fine. It's an art auction. Morgan: Listen to me-- it is way too scary out there. Chuck can't leave the buy more. We're still finding ourselves. Ellie: No offense, Morgan, but I think my brother has spent quitea few years finding himself, and he's definitely proventhat his place in life is not at the buy more. Morgan: You don't understand. He is a fragile little gelding. You know, still trying to find his legs. The real world will crush him. Ellie: Do you knowwhat a gelding is? Morgan: It's the... that weird creature from the dark crystal. Smells like gelding. That-that guy. Casey: He'll be fine. La ciudad probably won't even be there. Sarah: And if he is, is it worth the risk? Beckman: All right, I've heard enough. Put him in the field. We don't know what he's capable of until he's been tested. Devon: What he needs is something to challenge him. To test his limitations. A brush with his own mortality. You know what I'm thinking? Ellie: I have no idea what you're thinking. Morgan: As far as I'm concerned, dude, you're way off the reservation. Devon: Class five whitewater rapids. Just the two of us this weekend. Near-death experience. Awesome! Chuck; That sounds great, but my wet suit's at the dry cleaners. Ellie; That is a terrible idea. That's way too dangerous. Morgan: I agree, and I am not comfortable with you guys spending that amount of time together. Ellie: Well, Chuck hasn't said a word. What do you want to do? Chuck: I'm just going to ht the sack. Good night, team Bartowski. Morgan; That's-that's great work, guys. You see what you're doing here? That's awesome. Casey: Congratulations, Chuck. You just got your first mission-- tomorrow night. Hope you're ready for the real world, huh? Chuck Season01 Episode03 Chuck: So, dress attire for this evening-- uh, sneakers, or are we classifying this as more of a shoe event? Casey: I rented you a tux. Chuck: Oh, that's very nice... how did you know my size? Casey: Nsa-- they have records of your rental information from prom night. I checked the suit in your closet. Chuck: Okay, this is my first foray into major undercover spy work, so you could ease up on the sarcasm. That would be great. And how am I supposed to recognize la ciudad? Is there a picture or something? Casey: If there was a photograph, why would we need you? Chuck: What did we just talk about? Casey: I'm sorry. We're hoping something in the event triggers a flash. Chuck: See, that's all you had to say. Now, uh, hand-to-hand combat-- in all seriousness, if it comes down to me and la ciudad in some fisticuffs or something, is there, like, a 20-minute tutorial you can take me through? Casey: Don't worry. You're going to be fine. Nothing's going to happen to you. Assuming you know how to tango. Chuck: Seriously? Casey: Oh, I don't joke about your life. Chuck: Right. Morgan: Chuck, your girlfriend's here. Chuck: One minute, I have computers to fix. Anna: Don't worry about it. We got it. There's only a few left. Chuck: What? Are you sure? Lester: It's done, but next time I have a big date, you are going to cover for me. Chuck: Okay. Great. Thanks, team. I'll see you tomorrow. Morgan: Thanks, team. Where are you lovebirds headed? Chuck: We're actually going to an art auction at the wilshire grand. Morgan: Swanky! Yeah, I like it, man. Uh, aren't we moving a little too fast now? Career, girl. Guy's got it all. Sarah: The idea with a cover is to keep it as simple as possible without revealing true personal detail. Any thoughts on a name? Chuck: Charles carmichael? Simple, dignified. Sarah: Easy to remember and not far off from... Chuck: graduated with honors from stanford. Runs a hugely successful software company. Semi-retired and is considering entering america's cup. Sarah: Have you donethis before? Chuck: Let's just say, uh, Mr. Carmichael and I sharea small kinship. Sarah: How's that? Chuck: When I first entered stanford, it's kind of where I envisioned myself being by now, except for the sailing part. I don't really know where that came from. But he's where most of my class already is. Sarah: So, what happened? Chuck: My life took a little detour hm* year when our old friend bryce larkin discovered stolen tests under my bed, and was kind enough to alert administration. Sarah: Did you steal the tests? Chuck: I thought it was kind of implied that I'm a decent person. Sarah: Well, we all make mistakes. Chuck: And I made plenty. That just wasn't one of them. But, hey, then Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain, keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger and anxiety, so I'd say we're even. Sarah: Don't worry about tonight. No reason to be nervous. I am not going to leave your side. Chuck: Me nervous? Come on. Never. Sarah: Your hand is a little moist. Chuck: It does that when I'm freaking out. Hey, sis. Hey, sis, um... do you know how to tango? Ellie: No, why? Chuck: Oh, no reason. I just, I have a date tonight. I thought it might come up. Ellie: You're tangoing on a date? Well, that's definitely new territory. It's good to see you reaching outside of your comfort zone. Chuck: Well, considering my comfort zone extends to the end of that couch, new territory was bound to come up. Devon: Did someone say tango? Chuck: No, thank you, captain awesome, I'll look it up online. Would you please put on something, a robe or something? Devon: Did a semester abroad in buenos aires. Spent many a night tangoing my way into señoritas' pantalones. Jeff: And... go. Anna; There's no way he's going to break the two minute record. Lester: Ooh, there. It's okay, sweetheart. Lester is right here. Harry: Sorry to interrupt. But we found just a few more down by the loading dock. Where's Bartowski? Morgan: On a date with a smoking hot wiener girl, no biggie. Harry: And he left you all here? Good leadership. Real good. Well, it shouldn't be too difficult to get these done by morning. I'll leave the coffee pot on. Lester: Done. What are those? Morgan, what are those? Morgan: Tang. Sarah: Here. This is for you. Inside the watch is a tracking system. That way you can'trun away from me. And if you flash on anyone, tell me immediately and then stay out of the way. Chuck: Absolutely, yeah. I, uh, I always run from a fight. Casey: This isn't a joke, Chuck. No one who's ever seen you has lived to tell about it. Chuck: Is he being serious? Seriously? What are my chancesof getting into trouble? Casey: Toughen up, you'll be fine... assuming you know how to tango. Chuck: I did some preparation, okay? I wouldn't callmyself an expert... Sarah: Why would he need to know howto tango? Is that code? Chuck: No, not-- no, he told me thatI needed to know how to tango... Spy humor, I like that. Sarah: Come on, you ready? Morgan: Okay, wait, wait. Where's everybody going, huh? We got computers to fix. Jeff: Sorry, bro, I got mybar mitzvah lesson. Anna: Internet poker. Jeff: I'm off by 8:00and hammered by 8:05. Morgan: What about Chuck Bartowski? Okay, what about our fearless leader? We owe him. Anna: For what? Morgan: What? 'Cause tonight, Chuck Bartowski's boldly going where none of us have ever gone before-- to have intercourse with a beautiful woman. Anna: Speak for yourself. Lester: Interesting. Interesting. Anna: I'm out of here. I gotta go. Lester: Anna, could I-- anna? Morgan: Okay. Okay, fine. See you guys. Big michael just gave the position to harry tang. Oh, have I gotyour attention now? Good. Good, 'cause you know what that means? No more two-hour lunch breaks. No more xbox tournaments. No more prn. Yeah, yeah. Total work hell. Jeff: I'm in, but your boy better close the deal. Lester: : Let's do this. Morgan: Okay, thanks a lot, lester. Lester: Don't touch me. Morgan: I'm going to talk to you about this whole girl thing. Hey, jeff, atta boy, huh? Chuck: Oh, nice, yes, thank you. Oh, nice. I've been a spy all of five seconds and I already have soy sauce on my shirt. Sarah: Well, go and wash it off. And Chuck, stop saying that you're a spy. Right, of course. Idiot. Mi 6 agent: Do we know each other? Chuck: No. No, not that I know of. Sorry. It's him. Sarah: Who? Chuck: La ciudad. Sarah:,Come on. Chuck:I've already identified the perp, as it were, what are we still doing here? I mean, you know, mission accomplished. Time to go. Sarah: Chuck, go wait at the bar. Chuck: Go wait... wait at the bar? Okay, you go do what you do. I'm going to be at the bar, waiting there. Covering that whole area. Casey: Drink, sir? Chuck: Yeah, uh... I'd like a martini, barkeep, shaken and stirred. Thank you. Casey: Would you like a cherry with that? Allan Waterman: Chuck Bartowski? Chuck: No. The name's carmichael. Alan: Allan watterman, stanford? Hey, hey, how are you? Chuck: Hey. Hey, you. Hey. Allan: I'm great. I don't know if you heard, I sold out of my software company. Kind of unemployed. Problem is, I'm too young to retire. I'm too rich to work. Chuck: That's quite a pickle you find yourself in, watterman. Alan: What are you doing now? Last I heard, you were, um, you were fixing computers or something? Chuck; Yeah. You know, just kind of, uh, just kind of weighing my options right now. Uh, you know, I may be getting a managerial position at an electronics conglomerate, so, you know... all right. Alan: Well, I always knew you'd make something of yourself. Who are you here with? Chuck: Oh, my date. She's right over there. Alan; She's with you? Ouch Chuck: We have a very open relationship. Alan: Well, hey, um, give me a call. You know, if you need help with the whole job thing. I know people. Chuck: Bet you do, yeah. Yeah. Alan: There you go. Chuck: Insider trading and offshore accounts in the caymans. Alan: What did you just say? Do you work for the sec? I got to go. Lester: Something fishy going on. I know you guys think Chuck's a great guy and all that, but that weiner girlis super hot. Even for me. Jeff: It's obvious, dude. She's a pro. Anna: Are you kidding? Do you think Chuck could afford her if she was a pro? Morgan: All right, you know what, guys? Enough crapping about. All right, break time's over, let's go. Jeff: All right, who's up for a game of deer hunter? Lester: Done. Morgan: No, no, no, no, no. Guys, guys, guys, work now, play later, okay? We've got hard drives to fix. Look at this place, come on. Let's go. Lester: Oh, no. Morgan: Oh, no what? Jeff: The lock is broken, man. You need a key to open it. Morgan: Then get the key, jeff. Jeff: There's only two keys. Anna: Harry tang has one. Lester: And old Chuck has the other one. Yikes. Where are you going? Somebody get me-- anna help me! John, get me out of here, please! Chuck: ht me again. Casey: You stay. Chuck: Stay? Stay-- like a dog. Woman: Beautiful painting. Chuck: What's that? Yeah, beautiful. Painting, yeah. It definitely has a quality about it. Very, I would say, bob rossian in its influence. Woman: Who? Chuck: Bob ross. Bob ross, you know, bob ross. The guy who used to paint on pbs. With the afro and the soothing-- you have no idea what I'm talking about. Woman: Sorry. Chuck: It won't be the first time. I'm malena. Chuck; Hi. Chuck. Charles. Charles carmichael. Malena: So you don't like the painting? Chuck; No, I-I, it seems very lovely. I just more interested in the frame, but that-- you don'T... So sorry. So sorry about this. Work never leaves you alone. I'm in the software game, Malena: so... so you were saying about the frame? Chuck: Nothing, it doesn't really actually matter, sorry. Malena: Champagne? Sure, yeah. Thank you. Cheers. Cheers. MI 6 tango : What's your real name? And who do you work for? Malena: I love a tango. Chuck: Oh, yeah. Who doesn't? Malena: Do you? Chuck: Do-- oh, do I want to, uh... you know what, what the hell. Yeah, let's give it a sht. Mi 6 agent: What are you doing here? Please don't lie. It'll make this much more painful. Malena: Mr. Carmichael... Chuck: please. Chuck. Malena: Chuck, I think your hand is supposed to be on my hip. Chuck: Right. Uh, apparently, I learned the girl'spart of this dance. Would you mind leading? Not at all. MI 6 agent: Federal agent. Don't move. Don't you move. International agents-- mi-6. Sarah: Drop your gn! MI 6 agent: We're british secret service. Casey: Lower your wapon! Mi 6 agent: Everyone take a deep breath. I'm putting down my gn, and I'm getting my identification. Slowly. Sarah: What are you doing here? Mi 6 agent:?I could ask you the same thing. We've been pursuing an arms dealer through five countries. Casey: Let me guess. La ciudad? Mi 6 agent: That's right. Mi-6 intercepted a painting with plutonium hidden in the frame. Rather than announce the bust, we removed the plutonium and kept the auction in the hope of luring ciudad. Sarah: If you're not la ciudad, then where is he? Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, listen to me, so, listen to me. My friend is at some sort of art function at your hotel, okay? Uh, now listen to me clearly. I need to speak to him. It's a matter of life and death. Hotel employee: Describe your friend. Morgan: He's good-looking. You know, it depends on your angle, I suppose. Uh, he's not classically handsome. I wouldn't say he is, you know. But he makes up for it with charm. Lots of, uh... of charm. And he's kind of a lost soul. Does this funny little thing when he's nervous. He laughs. He goes... he kind of does this... uh, anyways, what, uh, what, what? Uh, brown hair, six-one. Does that help at all? Chuck: What, uh... what line of work are you in, malena? La ciudad: Why are you so interested, Mr. Carmichael? Chuck: No reason. Just making conversation. Hotel employee: Excuse me, sir. Are you Chuck Bartowski? Chuck: Who, me? No! No, I'm carmichael. Morgan: Uh, that's him. That's my... that's my friend. I can hear his voice. Hey, Chuck! Hotel employee: Are you sure you're not Mr. Bartowski? Your friend insists. Chuck; No, no, I insist. I've never heard that name in my life. I got to go. Excuse me. La ciudad: Why don't we head up to my room now, Mr. Carmichael, and find out who you really are. okay. Lester: Uh, so I guess we should regroup in the morning? Jeff: Good idea. Morgan: No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where you guys going? Lester: Dude, it's just... it's out of my pay grade. Jeff: I got to get some serious alcohol in me or I am never going to sleep. Anna: I'm sorry, Morgan. Be strong. Morgan: No, no, come on, guys, don't leave me in here with these computers. You can hand me a slice, maybe some water. I need to survive through the night, and I... not cool! Malena: Let's start with an easy one. What's your real name? Chuck: Carmichael, charles carmichael. Chuck Bartowski. La coy dad: That wasn't so hard. Now... before you answer my next question, I want you to think long and hard about my options here. There's the old favorite-- yank out a tooth. Too noisy. cut off a toe. That's too messy. Chuck: Far too messy. La Ciudad: Or we can Chuck you off the balcony... Chuck. Probably landface first. Teeth go through theback of your head. not a good way to go. So... here's my question: Who do you work for? Chuck: No one. No, no, stop, stop! I fix computers for a living! I swear to god! I snuck into the party under a fake name to impress a girl! Please, please, down... put chair down! La Ciudad: Good-bye, Chuck. Chuck: No, no, no, it's a setup! La Ciudad: What is? Chuck: The painting? The painting. The painting, I think. I think the painting mightbe a fake or something. La ciudad; Why? Chuck: If you put me down I'll tell you. I saw a photo of the painting in the L.A. Times, okay? But it had a different frame. So I'm assuming somebody maybe swapped it out, I don't know. But if I were you, I would not buy that painting. La ciudad: A fake painting. And you had no intention of bidding on it? Me? Bid on... No, not unless they were selling it for 25 bucks. I mean, that's about what I have in my decorating budget. La Ciudad: Okay, tell me how to fix a computer, Chuck. Chuck: My first inclination is that your bus speed is not up to snuff with your video card. I'm assuming we're talking about a pc here, right? Is your memory dedicated? La ciudad: That's enough, Mr. Bartowski. I believe you. the problem is since you've seen me, now I have to kll you. Chuck: Have... have to, have to? No, no, no, I disagree, I disagree... vehemently, vehemently. No, no, no, I won't say anything, I swear to god. You don't know the things I know about people. La ciudad: Don't worry, it'll be fast. Good-bye, Mr. Bartowski. Sarah: I enjoyed our tango. Casey: I didn't like it that much. Sarah: Really? Cases: He was kind of silly. Sarah: Oh, I kind of liked him. Hi. Alan: They're on to us. The sec knows everything. Shelly, they know about the caymans. I surrender! I surrender! Sarah: Get down, Chuck. Chuck: Sarah! Let's do this. Alan: oh, my god! Sarah: it's okay, Chuck. Are you okay? Chuck: Okay? Okay? Two more seconds and I'd have been dad. They were going to throw me off the balcony. Casey: Did you tell them you work for us? Chuck: Of course not. Where the hell were you guys? Casey: You're still alive. I'd consider myself lucky. URI: We have to get you out of the country. La Ciudad: First we take him out. Chuck: Hey. Ellie: How was the big date? Chuck: It was good, great, fine. I'm going to go to bed. I love you. Ellie: What? No, no, no, no. Is that all I get? Come on, sit down. I want to know, you know, do you like this girl? Chuck: It'S... you know, it's complicated. Ellie: Well, explain it to me slowly, I'll catch up. Chuck: She's a very beautiful girl. Ellie: Good. Go on. Chuck: And she's very agile. Ellie: I'm not sure how that applies, but continue. And I think she's too exhausting for me. Ellie: Well, what happened? Did you guys tango? Chuck: Oh, yeah, yeah. We tangoed. In fact, we tangoed quite a bit, but awesome taught me the woman's part of the tango, so it was a little difficult, as one might expect. Awesome: What's up, bro? Did you do the famous dip? Chuck: Yeah. I was on the receiving end of that dip. Awesome: You did tango witha woman, right? Chuck: And on that note... Ellie: no, no, no, no, no. You're not getting off that easy. Why won't you talk to me? Chuck: It's... it's complicated, okay? Just let it go. Ellie: Fine. You don't want to talk to me, I suggest you find someone to talk to like maybe your idiot friend. He's called about 75 times. He locked himself in a storage cage. Whatever that means. Morgan; Oh, god! It's you. Dude, dude, you have no idea. Chuck: Okay, okay, okay. Settle down, settle down, settle down. Settle down it's all good. It's all good. What happened? Morgan: Oh, what happened? Tang showed up, and he dropped all these off. I guess he was stashing them, you know? So... all right, let's do this. Chuck: What are you talking... Morgan, you don't knowhow to fix a computer. Moral support, man. Never... never leave your wingman, okay? Morgan: Something your team could learn a little something about. Chuck: Look, it's okay, man. Go get some sleep, okay? Morgan: Are you sure? 'Cause you say the word and we go down together. Chuck: No. I appreciate that, but I think it'll be nice to do something I'm actually good at, so I'll see you. Morgan: Fantastic. I'll see you later. Good night. Chuck: Good night. Big Mike: You finished, Bartowski? Chuck: Mission accomplished. Big mike: Two days was meant as an incentive. I didn't think you'd really do it. I'm impressed. And I'm not a man easily impressed. Why, I think you should know thatI only fixed the last few--my team did most of the work. They deserve the credit. And you're only as goodas your team, so... Big mike: first rule of management: Always take credit. Hope we can sell all this crap. Sir, there's beena major infraction-- drinkingalcoholic beverages on the property. Big mike: Nothing wrong with a man wetting his whistleevery once in a while. Keep it out of thestore, Bartowski. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, sir. Big mike: You get extra points for style. Looking sharp. Harry: You look like a waiter. kiss-ass. Morgan: Was I scared? Yeah. Yeah, I was scared. But then this survival instinct kicked in. Something I didn'teven know I possessed. A desire to live. Good news is, I may be ableto retire off this, all right? I talked to big mike. I told him he'd be hearingfrom my attorney. That cage isa major fre hazard. Casey: Chuck. Good work last night. Okay, you know what? Chuck: I'm, I'm workingon an all-nighter here, big guy. And I realize that you areprobably armed. And so I'm gonna ask youvery nicely, would you please easeup on the sarcasm. Casey: I wasn't being facetious. You helped us find la ciudad. Chuck: But she got away. Casey: Yeah, we got a photofrom hotel security. We got a blood samplefrom a broken window. Our intel tell usshe's heading down to central america. We have people waiting there. You're lookin' sharp. Chuck: Yeah, thanks. Casey: That was facetious. Idiot. Chuck: I fixed this one personally. So it should begood as new. And sorry about the delay. Harry: Chuck, hiding from work again? Chuck: I, uh, I-I thinkI dropped something. Go away, harry! Harry:,Oh, you wish I would. I'm not going anywhere, Chuck. When you goto sleep at night, all you're gonna seeis tang in your face. man: Excuse, please. Where can I finda Chuck Bartowski? Harry: Why, what's he done? Because I need to speak to him. Harry: Okay, well, if he's in any kind of trouble, let me know. Chuck, you have a visitor. Chuck? Well, uh, maybe I can help you, sir. Sarah: I think we have some company. Casey: I'm on it. Chuck: Chuck Bartowski, to the storage cage. Chuck Bartowski, please report to the storage cage. Where's the storage cage? Casey: Oh, just through here, sir. I'll show you. by the way we are having a big sale on refrigerators in case you didn't notice. Where is he? Where is Chuck Bartowski? Casey: Sir, I'm just sales clerk. Take me to him now! Chuck: oh, you! You big 'ol guy... you think... that was so broken this morning. Casey: Now that's what I call moving some merchandise, yeah? Sarah: Yeah. hang here. Morgan: Uh, charles irving bartowski of the encino bartowskis, could you please report to the returns desk. Charles irving Bartowski... Chuck: what? Morgan: Nothing, nothing. I'm just loving this thing, man. You know what? We should get one for your apartment. Oh, good news. They fixed the lock on the storage cage, so... what? Chuck: I'm really sorry, sis. I-I know that I've been kind of evasive. It's just that I... I didn't want to lie to you and I chose not saying anything as being the lesser of two evils. Ellie: Why would youhave to lie to me? Chuck: Ellie, I just need youto trust me and know it has nothingto do with you. Ellie: But you want me to butt out. I get it. It's none of my business. Chuck: No! No, no, no, no, I'm not saying that! I'm not saying that. I-I... I just don't want to create a false sense of excitement for a relationship that seems doomed. Ellie:,Why is it doomed? Chuck: Because she's not into me. Ellie: Uh, trust me. I have seen the way that that girl looks at you and she is into you. Chuck: Really? Ellie: It's none of my business. Chuck: Okay, no. Okay, fine. What the hell. What do you, what do you want to ask me about Sarah? Ellie: Really? Chuck: You better hurry up. This offer will not last. Ellie: Okay. Do you like her? Chuck: Yeah. Da-da-da-- no, no, unnecessary excitements. Ellie: Sorry. Sorry. Chuck; What else? Ellie: That's it. Chuck: That's it? Ellie: Yeah. Chuck, that's it. I don't need to know the intimate details, okay? As long as you're happy, that's enough for me. And I don't, I don't want to nag you about your future and your job. I don't want to be the sister that just pesters you into oblivion. Chuck: No, no, no, no, you're, you're not a pest. Ellie: I just know what an incredible guy charles Bartowski is and... and sometimes I'm not so sure that he knows it. Chuck: How do you feel about a brother-sister hugsituation right now? Ellie: I'm open to it. Chuck: Okay. oh, I'll get iT. Morgan: Sorry. I thought we had plans tonight, you know? What is she doing here? Chuck: What, uh, what gave you that impression? Morgan: Uh, when you were leaving earlier and you were, like, see you later, dude. Took you at your word. It's cool if you don't want me to be here;that's fine. Just gotta stop giving me mixed signals. Chuck: Come on in. Morgan: Super. Awesome. What are we having? Sarah: Here you go. Chuck: Oh, thank you. Thank you. You okay? Sarah: Uh, occupational hazard. She got in a lucky kick. Congratulations on your first mission. You did really good, Chuck. Chuck: Stop it. I'm not really a spy. Your computer ended up in the head of a guy who only knows how to fix 'em, nothing else. Sarah: You survived a near-death experience under the thrat of trture and apprehended one of the world'smost elusive Kllers. I'm not sure you what you think spies do exactly, but most of us would consider that a pretty good day. Chuck: Okay, sure, so today I helped take down a major international arms dealer, but tomorrow, tomorrow I still gotta go clock in at buy more. I mean, what's the good of being a hero if nobody knows about it? Sarah: You know. And so do I. Chuck: You know, if we were really dating, this would be the part where I'd be forced to kiss you good night. Sarah: Forced? Would it be so bad? Chuck: I'm sure I could suffer through it. Sarah: Me, too. Morgan: Man, that dude is creepy. Chuck: Agreed.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x03 - Chuck Versus the Tango"}	foreverdreaming
Morgan: Chinese. Chuck;,Chinese? Morgan: Oh, yeah, man. That's what "An evening with Morgan" is all about. You didn't forget to tell her, did you? Chuck: About "An evening with Morgan?" No. No, no, no, no. Of course not. No. She's been looking forward to it all week. When are we going to hang out with your "funny little friend?" Morgan; Yeah? She says that? Good, good, good. Make sure her head's in the game, okay? This is kind of her big sht to prove to me she has something to bring to this relationship. Feel me? Chuck: Hey, nothing but feeling you. Morgan: Good, good, good. "an evening with Morgan" will begin at 7:00 sharp. Bring your "a" game. Love ya, pal. Sarah: "an evening of Morgan"? Chuck; Okay, so here's the thing. He's my best friend, and I haven't really gotten to spend any time with him or Ellie this week, and so he really wanted the whole bunch of us to hang out tonight. Sarah:,For "an evening of Morgan"? Casey: I thought being stationed in the khyber pass for six months was brutal. Chuck: If you're so sad about not being included, Casey, you can just say so. Casey: Dinner with you and Morgan? I'd rather afghani warlords bleed me from my liver. Chuck; He's a happy person. I appreciate that about him-- and he works hard, so... Morgan: "an evening with Morgan" will consist of three acts. Act one, dinner. Sarah: What are we having? Morgan: A little delicacy called sizzling shrimp. That's right. That's right. We're going to pack our bellies so full of shrimp you're going to make a seal jealous. Sarah: Wow! Sounds like quite a night. Morgan: Oh, and that's just the beginning. Dinner will be followed by a screening over at Chuck's of the greatest kung fu film ever made. Morgan: Enter the dragon. Chuck: Enter the dragon. Prepare to die, my bearded friend. Morgan: Bring it. Bring it on. Come on. Come on. What are you doing? Okay, and the third act can only be found here in chinatown. There he is. Be cool. Chuck; Hey, wait a minute. I thought you were off this stuff, buddy. Morgan: Yeah? Well, I'm sorry, Chuck. Right? Daddy needs his fix, you know? Dude. Chuck: You know how I feel about fireworks! Morgan: You know what? To defeat fear, one must embrace fear. Chuck: I'd rather embrace my limbs. Specifically, all of them. No fireworks. No sale. Morgan; Well, can I say something? This evening gets as asterisk, okay? We've still got our shrimp on, though. No, no, no, no. You got to be kidding me. They can't be closed. "an evening with Morgan" has to at least include sizzling shrimp. Sarah: Morgan, it's okay. We'll do it another time. Morgan: No, no. I got this. I got this. Lucky for us, I got connections. Chuck: Well, got to give him points for effort. Morgan: My friend juan, he's a dishwasher. Leaves his keys for me in case of emergencies. Chuck; Hey, we got to make this quick. Ellie's waiting for us. Morgan: You hear that sizzle? Like the sound of angels' laughter. Wait here. Chuck: That waitress. She's mei-ling cho, chinese intelligence. Never stepped foot on u. S. Soil before. Morgan: Sizzling shrimp, anyone? Sarah: My god! Morgan: Well, you can just call me Morgan, babe, but I appreciate the enthusiasm. Casey: This the woman you saw tonight? Chuck; Yeah. Casey: Read through these. Twice. Let us know if you flash on anything. Call the director. Tell him we got a priority code orange. Chuck: Guys, is there any way that this can wait until morning? 'Cause I kind of have a priority code Ellie and Morgan. They're waiting for us for dinner. Casey: China's top spy is in los angeles. We don't know why she's here, what she's planning to do. You, my friend, may be the only one who can figure that out. That's your priority. Copy? Chuck; Copy. Chuck. S01E05 Chuck: Hey, sis. Good morning. Ellie: Uh Huh Chuck; Or not. Could you pass the berry loops? Ellie: Are you sure you don't want any sizzling shrimp? Chuck: Right. Ellie; You know, 'cause we have a whole lot of that left over. Chuck; 'Cause I got back late last night. Ellie: This is the point I'm trying to make. Chuck: And you're making it very well, I want you to know that. Ellie: You know, it's one thing to let several pounds of shrimp go to waste, it's another to stand me up, but to leave me with Morgan? Chuck: And i-i-i feel terrible about that, believe me, I do. You know how much I adore sizzling shrimp. And you. More specifically you. It's just... Sarah wasn't feeling well, and... Ellie: Oh, well, what is it? I'm a doctor. Chuck: I believe, uh, she had a spastic colon. Ellie: Yuck. Chuck; I know. A girl that beautiful with a colon that spastic... Ellie: Well, you know what tomorrow is. Chuck: Absolutely, yes. It's our, our very own october version of mother's day, and I wouldn't miss it for the world, I swear. Ellie: I should hope not. But then again, I never figured that you would pass on sizzling shrimp, either. ??? Chuck: So I went over the department of defense files on mei-ling again this morning. Sorry, no flashes. Casey: Well, she's here for a reason. Maybe you'll flash on something tonight. Chuck; Tonight? Casey: Yeah, we're running a surveillance op on her. We're gonna tail her, see if you flash on anyone she's talking to. Might tell us why she's here. Chuck: My first stakeout. Okay. Okay, yeah. What do I need to bring? Sweater? Light jacket? Casey: No, you just bring that computer in your head. Chuck: Okay, you know what? I have a lot more to offer this team, other than the intersect. For instance, what are we doing for tunes tonight? I can make a stakeout mix. Big Mike: John. Need all the green shirts in my office, on the double. Chuck: Have fun. That's really not... Fair. Big Mike: Sales are down, people. There's too much horsing around. And what this team needs is some good old-fashioned motivation. Morgan: I couldn't agree with you more, big man. Big Mike: 24 hour sales competition. Starting now. First prize-- iphone. Second prize-- large pizza, two toppings. Third prize... Morgan: Don't even say small pizza, all right? 'Cause that's not a prize. That's a punishment. I eat a small pizza and not only am I still hungry, I'm angry, and you wouldn't want me hungry and angry, all right, 'cause then I get kind of cranky, then I get a little mean, then I kind of get sleepy. Big Mike: Third prize is you get to keep your job. Last prize... You're fired. Morgan: Doesn't sound like much of a prize either, am I right? Let me show you the deluxe model, okay? Now, supposedly, this baby makes delicious milkshakes. You probably want to hold off on the calories some, hoss. Let me show you the exercise equipment. They're actually right over here, so... If it's for the game, buy the big screen, man. Game's over, return it. Break it, kick a freakin' hole in the thing. Money back guarantee, dude. We'll even pick it up for you. This is crazy. I know I'm the salesman, but, uh, how much you want for your shirt? 'Cause I've been looking for something to go with my beard, you know, and this thing is just... Actually, you know what? Let me see the label. Can I just... Big Mike; Grimes! You are the worst salesmen I've ever seen. Vultures are circling. Get it in gear! Morgan: We're in trouble, Chuck. Harry tang's plan to eliminate us has gone into full effect. Chuck: The sales competition? Morgan: Yeah, man. - You think you can carve out about an hour after work, help me with my sales technique? Chuck: Tonight? Morgan: Yeah. Chuck: I'm sorry, buddy. No can do. I already made plans with Sarah tonight. Morgan: Okay, all right. Tomorrow, me and you, a little Morgan time, huh? Chuck: Tomorrow I've got mother's day with Ellie. I could only miss that if there was a major national emergency. So to speak. Morgan: Listen to me, Chuck. Dude, it's me, all right? Now, I'm begging you here. I'm-i'm on my knees. You know, hat in hand, that sort of thing. Help me, Chuck Bartowski, you're my only hope. Chuck: Okay, okay. I'm going to go out with Sarah tonight, i'm going to try and wrap that up early enough to get back here, help you and then I'll hang out with Ellie tomorrow... Yeah, yeah, I think I can make that work. Morgan: I knew I could count on you, bro. Chuck: I hope so. Casey: Hey, we have a bogey at 6:00 here. Delivery guy: Uh, excuse me. Someone send in an order for sizzling shrimp? A Mr. Carmichael? Chuck:;Yeah. Yeah, that's me. That's me. I'll take that. Thank you very much. You go ahead and keep the change. Delivery guy: Thank you. . Chuck: Have a good night. What? It's for Morgan. I called it in. Casey: The idea behind a stakeout is to remain inconspicuous, you moron. Chuck: Uh, hello? That's why I used an alias. Sarah: Hey, I think we have some company. Chuck: Who's that? Casey: Old ironside is ben lo pan. He's the local big sht businessman. Owns, like, half of chinatown. Sarah; And there's mei-ling. We're on. Chuck: Hey, hey, hey, she's gonna get ahead of us. Sarah; No, we're good. Always leave a 30-yard cushion from your target on the tail. She's following ben lo pan's limo. Chuck: Oh, a tail on a tail. Does that mean, like, a 60-yard cushion or would you say the regular tail rules apply in this situa... Casey: Glocks on a crotch rocket. My kind of gal. Chuck: Those aren't glocks. They're chinese army-issue pstol. She's not here on a spy mission. She's here to assassinate the guy in the wheelchair. Casey; You sure? Chuck: Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You know, locked away in the brain here. I mean, I'm not bragging. The intersect's doing all the heavy lifting. Sarah: Okay, we can't wait for the cops. By the time they get here, mei-ling or ben lo pan may be dad or both. Casey: Mei-ling could be a small part of a larger operati0n. We need her alive. We want to find out what she knows. We catch her, the chinese spy has a lot we'd love to hear. All right, Chuck, pull the car around front. Chuck: What? Around the front? Then what do I do? Sarah: Stay in the car. Chuck: My four favorite words. Morgan: Hi-o. Ellie: Chuck's not here, Morgan. Morgan: My four favorite words. Ellie: Get out. Morgan: Not favorites, but at least we're dialoguing. Ellie: He's on a date with Sarah. I'll tell him you stopped by. Morgan: I would appreciate that. He's supposed to be helping me right now. If I don't become a better salesman by tomorrow night, I could get fired. Although, I guess I could just crash here until I land on my feet. Ellie: As inspired as that makes me to help you, I would rather just change the locks. Morgan: I'll let myself out. Ellie: Now my four favorite words. Chuck: I'm gonna get ya. I'm gonna get ya. Oh, don't eat me! Boy, you're dad. Come on. ♪ private eyes, they're watching you, they see... Chuck: stakeouts are kinda fun. Sarah: The bar's crowded. Is he here? Casey: No. Bouncer; Hey, you on the list? Hands in the air now! Casey: Easy. Federal agents. Against the wall. Sarah: Come on. You're making a big mistake. Your boss is in danger. Sarah;,They think we're with her. Casey; What? Sarah: They think we're with her. No kll sht. Casey:,I hate playing nice. Chuck: gn. gn. Listen to Sarah and Casey; stay in the car. Hey, the wheelchair guy. Hey, let me help you get out of here. Ben Lo Pan: Yeah, help me! Help me! A lady's trying to kll me. My car, this way. I think I'm fine now. Chuck: Here, here you go. Chuck: Why is he tied up? Ben: Throw him in the trunk! Chuck: What? The trunk? That's not very... Nice. Why would you... Me Iing: Where are they taking him? Chuck; I don't know! I don't know! Mei ling: You work for him? Chuck: What? No, no, no, wait-- hold on a second. I was just trying to help an old guy in a wheelchair, who puts people in trunks. Mei ling: You idiot. That old man is triad. Chinese mafia. That was my brother he threw in the trunk! Chuck: Your brother? You were trying to... Mei ling:,Rescue him. Until you got in the way. Sarah: Federal agent! Drop your gn! Chuck : No, no, no! No, no, no, s-sar-Sarah... Sarah: Chuck, are you okay? Chuck: Yeah. Sarah: Are you hurt? Chuck: No. Casey: What the hell just happened? Chuck: She was just trying to rescue her brother. I guess I was wrong. ???? What, are we carpooling now? Casey: Just heard back from washington. They confirmed mei-ling's story. Her brother lee cho's a low-level bureaucrat from beijing. He was kidnapped on a business trip to l. a. By local triads. Sarah: The chinese received a ransom call asking for the release of a triad captain in beijing. They refused. Sarah: Mei-ling was here on her own. Her government never signed off on a rescue op. Chuck: What's the connection to the guy in the wheelchair? Sarah: Well, the feds have always suspected that he had triad roots, but they could never prove it. Chuck: Okay, so what do we do now? Casey:,Nothing. We stay out of it. Chuck: Hold on a second. I watched that guy get stuffed into a trunk. And it's because I got it wrong. Casey: We're not going to start an international incident over someone not even the chi-coms care about. Let it go, Chuck, huh? Chuck: Sarah, I screwed up, okay? It's my fault. Her brother's going to die, and it's all my fault. Sarah: No, it's her fault. She went off the grid and she disobeyed orders coming here. Chuck;,Yeah, but her superiors didn't even give her a choice. Come on! Sarah, I'd have done the same thing, if it was Ellie. I'd have done the same thing. Minus the shting apart the club part. Sarah; I know how you feel. It was hard for me, too, when I first started. But the truth is we can't save everyone, Chuck. Lester: Big mike must not have been clear about how a sales competition works. The idea here, Morgan, um, is to sell things. Morgan: I can't get fired. How will I eat? I'll starve on the soup line. I hate soup, all right? Soup is not a meal. It's hardly an appetizer, for god's sake. Jeff: Can I have your locker, dude? Lester:,I call his buy more windbreaker. Jeff: Fine, but I get his name tag. Lester: Fine. Morgan: Can I say something? You guys need me, okay? 'Cause with me gone, someone else is going to have to be the butt of all the jokes. Let me tell you something, jeff, you don't want to carry that mantle. Maybe you do want to carry that mantle. Lester: We'll take that mantle. Morgan ·,Right? Yes. Listen, you're not gonna let me take the bllet on this one, right, guys? Lester: Yes. Absolutely. Nice knowing you. Chuck: Nerd herd. Bartowski speaking. Mei-ling: I'm looking at you right now. Chuck: Oh, you're looking at me right now. Who is this? Mei ling: Let's just say you owe me. For ruining my rescue operation. Chuck: Mei-ling. Mei-ling: put your hand down. If you signal your friend, it's the last thing you'll ever do. By the way, nice mustard stain. Chuck: Where are you? Mei ling:,Not near the sorority girls Chuck: What exactly do you want? Mei ling: The triads put a clock on my brother's life. He dies in nine hours, if I don't do something. Chuck: Okay, yeah, about that. About that. Listen, I'm really, really sorry. And if there's anything that I can do to make up for it... Mei ling: Help me rescue him. Morgan:,I'm a dad man. Dude, I'm in last place in the sales competition. If you do not help me, I am gonna get fired. Mei ling:,One word to him and you're a dad man too. Chuck: Not now, Morgan, please. I have a really, really upset customer. Dit! Listen to me. Listen to me. I'm a good samaritan. I just helped the wrong guy. I help people run computers, not rescue operations. Mei ling: I tailed you and your handlers. You have a team watching your every step, which means you can help, and you will. I'll be in touch soon. Chuck: Hello? Hello... Want a hot dog? It's an emergency. So, listen, I've been thinking a lot about last night. And, you know, you guys were talking about how the spy could be valuable to us. So, I was thinking, what if we could convince her to, I don't know, like, uh, give up some secret stuff... Sarah: You mean defect? Chuck: Defect!Yes! People do that kind of thing all the time, right? the hunt for red october. white nights. white nights-- gregory hines, baryshnikov, dancing their way to freedom. Casey;,Well, as long as you've done serious research on the subject. You get her to defect, I'll help rescue her brother personally. Sarah: Why are you bringing this up? Chuck: Well, she sort of... Just... Called me. Casey: She called you? Where? Chuck: At the buy more. I think she might've been in the store, too, because she knew my every move. She even knew that I had mustard on my tie. What? Hey, where are we... Wait a minute! Hey!Hey, Morgan... Hey, buddy. Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I got home really late. Morgan: Yeah, don't sweat it, man. It's just my livelihood at stake. Chuck:?What about tonight? Maybe after mother's day. Morgan: Working a double shift, you know. It's my last chance to kind of make enough sales to, uh, not get fired. Thanks, though, pal. Jeff: Chuck... There's a delivery of hard drives in the storage cage you need to sign for. Chuck;,Great. Thank you... Jeff. Casey: Where's Chuck? Jeff: Storage cage signing for a delivery. Casey: I thought deliveries come at 6:00. Jeff:,I guess they got here early, dude. Chuck:,Oh, hey, I think that's for me. Please tell me that's not real. The gn, not the clipboard. Mei ling:,Real enough? Chuck:,Listen, listen, they agreed to help if you would just defect. Mei ling: What? Chuck: It's really not that bad here, you know. The chinese food's pretty good. Have you tried sizzling shrimp? Sarah: Drop the gn! Drop it! Let go... Mei ling: sht me, I sht him. Chuck: Hey, hey, I got an idea. How about a new plan that involves less sh*ting. Casey... Casey... You agreed to help if she defected, right? Mei ling: I would never... Casey: Why? Too much loyalty to your government? The same one that left your brother for dad? Mei ling; If I defect, I can never go back to china. I will never see my brother again. Chuck:?And if you don't, you'll lose him forever. And you don't want that. Guys... Promise mei-ling you'll help rescue her brother if she defects. Please. Please? Casey;,Promise. Now let the kid go. Mei ling: How do I know I can trust you? Casey: You don't have any other choice. Casey: This is the floor plan of ben lo pan's estate. Mei ling: My intel says they're holding my brother here... Near the center of the mansion. Casey: Getting in is one thing, getting out is going to be the real trick. Lo pan's got a private army of security guards. When the alarms go, they'll be on us like white on... Sarah: Thank you, Casey. Chuck: Hey, what up, sis? Ellie: Oh, good. Did you remember to defrost the chicken? Chuck: You know that I did. And you know why? Because it's mother's day and I'm here for you. Chuck: Prodigal brother returns. You need some help? Ellie: Yes. Thanks. So this will be fun-- just you and i. Chuck: It's been a while. It's been too long. But tonight is all about brother-sister bonding. You know, catching up. Catching up, by the way, with no distractions. And as soon as I answer this call, I will turn it off, I swear. Hello. Casey: It's Casey. Get over here. I want to see if you flash on anything. Ellie: What was that? Chuck: Nothing, nothing. It's Casey-- john Casey my coworker. He needs some help with decorating tips. Ellie: Like color swatches? I could help with that. Chuck:,No, no, no, no, no, no. You don't want to... x No, that's very thoughtful of you, I really appreciate that. But he's a guy's guy. You know, he wants a man's opinion. He's a hunter, so he's really into hunting and he doesn't quite know which deer to mount, on... Ellie; Well, you have a couple of hours before dinner, so... I need to focus on the kitchen anyway. Chuck: You sure? Ellie; Yeah. Oh, you know what, why don't you take him some of my special guacamole. You know, like as a housewarming gift. Chuck: That... Wow, thank you, sis. That's really thoughtful of you. Ellie: Just make sure to keep it away from Sarah. This is definitely not good for her spastic colon. Chuck:,Yes, you're... Got it, right. Yeah, the spastic... Okay, I promise I will be back by 8:00. I promise. Hi. Hey, I brought Ellie's secret recipe. Just trying to help out the mission any way that I can. Can't really stay. Casey;?There are at least ten guards we know of stationed at these points here, here, here. Sarah: The security cameras are tkx-50's. They're a little outdated, but they're equipped for remote access. Either of you familiar with them? Chuck: I am. Yeah, we used to sell them at buy more. Did a bunch of installs a few years back. They're pretty easy to access. Mei ling:,Good. Every warm body helps. Chuck: I'm sorry... Me? No, no, no, no, no. Look, as much as I wish that I could help you, I can't. I made plans with my sister that are nonnegotiable. But, of course, I know that you wouldn't be in this mess if it weren't for me. I want to be with my sister and you obviously really want to be with your brother. We're like one big whacky transatlantic family. I owe you. I'm in. Sarah: Okay, fine. But you don't leave the van under any circumstances. Chuck: I just need to be home by 8:00, if that's at all possible. Casey: Chuck? Chuck? Chuck, am I coming through? Chuck: Yep, I gotcha. ♪ oh, hey, we have liftoff! Lester:,Oh!Half a big gulp. New record. Jeff: I am spartacus. Morgan: Hey, guys. Kind of need your help. Lester: Oh, last in the sales competition, Chuck not here to bail you out this time? Morgan: Why else would I be here? Lester; You know, by helping you out, aren't we... Aren't we messing with the laws of nature? I mean, the weak die, and the... The strong prevail. Jeff: Who are we to play god? Morgan: I'll give you half my pizza if I get into second place. Jeff:,The wounded raccoon. Lester:,The wounded raccoon. Morgan:,Don't know what that is, but whatever works. Whatever w... Watch this. That's a great product, huh? It's two gigs of memory. Extended warranty. Customer: Yeah, it's a little pricey, but you know what? I'll take it. It's a gift for my sick nephew. Morgan: Sick nephew, huh? Tell you what. Don't tell anybody, but it's on sale at large mart. Save yourself 50 bucks. Customer: You'd give up a sale just to save me $50? That's so sweet. Morgan:,Ah, just, uh... Customer: You know what? Here. Call me sometime for coffee. Morgan; Wow, I will. Coffee s-sounds great. Lester: Look at the little man. Lester: So weak. So pathetic. Jeff : And you wonder why you're last in sales and about to get fired? Lester:,Maybe if you spent your time selling merchandise instead of trolling for phone numbers you wouldn't be flat broke, and living with your mother and be forced to... To pick leftovers out of the garbage so that you can eat. Customer: Can I have my number back, please? Morgan: Well, let me just... Are you kidding me? What was that? Jeff: The wounded raccoon. Lester:,Yeah, you-you berate and humiliate the salesman in front of the customer, like so, which i-i thought we did very well. And the customer feels so bad, that they'll, they'll buy anything. It's the-the pity sale. Jeff: Always wondered if it worked. Guess not. Lester; No, it does not. It does not. Sarah: All right, listen, the guards are looking at a static loop. You're our eyes, Chuck. If you see any trouble coming, you let us know. Chuck: Got it. Let's just make this quick. 7:15's my curfew. Sarah: Okay, we're going inside. Casey: Chuck, what do you see? Chuck: Uh... Let's see... x Okay, I've got, I've got one guard by himself at the security monitors. Casey: Thank you. Chuck; Good, good, good work, but let's not get cocky, huh, team? Casey:,Shut up, Chuck. What's next? Chuck: Right, right... Looking... Looking... Looking... Okay, okay. I've got, I've got three guards in the kitchen area. Sarah: We see them. Chuck:Be careful. They're, they're bigger than the first guy. All right, kicking butt. Casey: What happened to "don't get cocky"? Chuck: My bad. Professional faux pas. Wait, hey, hey, hey, what happened? I-i lost all visual on the security cameras. Guys? Guys? All I can see is what Casey's lipstick camera is picking up. Casey:,Put down the book, ironside. Hands up. Chuck: Guys, if you're seeing this, you might want to run. Casey:,You think? Ben:,Perfect timing, mei-ling. Your government has just refused my final offer for your brother. Hopefully they will change their minds, now that I have two american agents to barter with. Chuck:,Sarah? Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no. Casey: Chuck, it's Casey. Don't talk. I can't hear you. Go home. Repeat: go home. Do not call the cops; don't do anything. Go home. Chuck; Casey? Casey? Chuck: They're taking them to the bamboo dragon. Chuck: Okay, okay. All right. What are the rules for tailing? Tail rules. 30... 30 yards. Or was it 30 feet? I should've taken notes. Chuck: Oh, god. ♪ ♪ Ellie: Hey, Chuck, it's Ellie. Well, you've officially missed mother's day, which is a first, I might add. I just... I don't know what happened to you tonight, or... in general. You know, the least that you could have done was call. Anyway, um... Forget it. Bye. Morgan: Let me guess, Chuck's not here, right? Ellie:,That is becoming common around here. Morgan: Yeah, tell me about it. Ellie: I can't believe Chuck missed mother's day. You know, all I wanted was for him to meet a great girl, and he finally did, and now I never see him. Morgan: You know what? Maybe we sit Chuck down and force him to break up with Sarah, you know? Dump her completely. Who needs her? Kidding. Kidding, kind of. Ellie; It's not that I'm not happy for him, I just miss him. Morgan: No, I get it. Chuck's been through some tough times. Getting kicked out of stanford, and then jill breaking up with him. You know, you got him through all that, and no one knows that better than he does, believe me. Ellie: How are things at work? Morgan: Oh, awful. Thank you for asking. There's this, uh, sales competition, and I'm pretty much last. Ellie: So what are you gonna do? Morgan; Same thing I always do: get fired. Ellie: Are you sure that you want to do that? Morgan:,Truth is, Chuck and I always complain how boring the buy more is. So tomorrow I'm just gonna go up to big mike and do the only honorable thing left to do. Ellie: What's that? Morgan: Well, what any respectable warrior like bruce lee would do: fall on my sword. Hari-kari. fre myself. Ellie: You mean resign? Morgan: Yeah, okay, that sounds better, I guess. Chuck: Oh, god... Please let me keep my fingers. Okay, Okay Come on. Come on. You can yell at me later. This is the part where we hide. Ben lo pan's getting away. Wait here, wait here. Forget it, ben. It's chinatown. You ever see that movie? Ellie... Ellie, I am so, so, so sorry. Ellie: What happened, Chuck? Were you kidnapped or something? Chuck: Me? No. No, no. I, uh, went over to Casey's. Ellie: I went to Casey's, Chuck. No one was there. When did we start keeping secrets from one another? Chuck; You know what, look, if-if you'll just... If you'll just let me explain... Ellie: There's no need-- I figured it out. I know. Chuck: You do? Ellie: You have another girlfriend for a long time, and you're in love. Chuck: Yeah. I am... Ellie: Lying to me. Missing our most important day like... Like you're in high school. I mean, do you even know that Morgan's about to be fired? Chuck: Ellie, I can't apologize enough. I... Everything that you're saying is right. I guess that I'm just so, um... I'm, I'm so head over heals, um, that I'm not thinking straight, you know? Ellie: Listen, I know that this is the first big thing to happen to you in a while. And you feel like your life isn't going anywhere. Your job's not either, and you're not superman out there saving the day. But you're good person, Chuck. You're a good brother and you're a good friend. Don't lose that. Chuck: Do you think, do you think maybe that we could, uh... Reschedule mother's day, like, tomorrow? I know that that is ridiculously unorthodox I get that, and I know that it's my fault that we even have to do it, but, um, I mean it is our holiday. So, I think we could make up around the rules. Ellie: I say, yes, you'll be there. Chuck: I promise. Ellie: You know, if there's anything going with you-- life, girl, job-- you can come to me. Big Mike: What's that? Morgan: My letter of resignation. Big Mike: You got a new job? Morgan: No. Big Mike: Didn't t think anyone else is stupid enough to hire you. So what's up? Morgan; I'm last in the competition. Yeah, I know it's a shock that I'm last, but... Here we are. And now I fall on my sword. Head high, dignity intact. It's the shaolin way. Lester: Hey, 'Morgan There's a whale on the line demanding to see you. Morgan: Yeah, a fish is calling? Lester; No, you, bearded buffoon. A big spender. She wants to see you at checkout. Morgan: Ellie? Ellie: Hey. I already know what I'm getting Chuck and devon for their birthdays, so I figured I'd do some shopping early. Cashier: That'll be $733. 42, ma'am. Did anyone help you? Ellie: He did. Morgan: I... Love you. Big man, knock wood. I’m not quitting; No. Big Mike: Good. You're my only hispanic on the sales team. You quit, the affirmative action gons will be all over my ass. Morgan: O-kay. Well, listen, I sold over $700 worth of stereo equipment. Puts me in second place. Means somebody owes me a pizza with two toppings. Big Mike: Pizza's for me, partner. Morgan: Do I get an iphone? Big Mike; I don't even get a free iphone. You think I'd give you jerks one? Morgan: There are no prizes? Big Mike: And no one's getting fired. The competition was to get you bums to work hard. Looks like it worked. ♪ Chuck: Look, I'm... I'm sorry, you guys. I know that you wanted me to go home, but i... I just couldn't, you know. Casey: We just turned one of china's top spies. Sarah: And you helped save her brother. So, good work, Chuck. Chuck: Well , I'd better be going. Got my own family reunion to attend. Mei ling : Thank you... Chuck. Chuck:,Oh, yeah, hey... Don't... Don't mention it. You're welcome. Uh, but before you go, would you mind, uh, would you mind signing this? Mei ling: What is that? Chuck; Oh, it just says that I was off-site fixing your computer and that you're satisfied with the level of customer service I provided. Morgan: Hey, Chuck! Chuck: Morgan? Morgan, what are you do... Bu-buddy, I know that I haven't been around lately, and/or really been the best of friend, but, uh, you know that Ellie and I have... Morgan: Mother's day, man, I know... I get it. Ellie; Okay, hey, it's okay. I invited him. Morgan: Yeah, yeah, and I told you he's gonna come walking through that door, didn't i? He's such a good kid. I'm going to get some glasses. Chuck: What the... Ellie: We bonded over an "i miss Chuck" moment. Chuck: Did you? Where's, uh, where's awesome? Ellie: He couldn't get off work. That must be Sarah. Chuck: What, you invited her, too? Ellie: Well, I mean, she's your new best gal. How could I not? Chuck: Ellie, you know you'll always be my best gal. Ellie: Don't take this the wrong way, Chuck, but I hope not. Chuck; Yeah, Morgan, now sara? It used to be just the two of us. Ellie: Well, we're growing up. Sarah: Ellie invited me. She, uh, insisted that I come. So, uh, mother's day. Chuck: Yes, mother's day, that's right. You don't really know... Mother's day is the anniversary of the day our mom... Left us. Our dad was here but he was never really here. So, now, every year we celebrate the day we learnt how to take care of ourselves. Ellie: And rely on each other. Morgan: Ellie, here I come. Chuck: I think we're gonna need some more champagne, . I heard you came in second place, thanks to Ellie. Morgan: Chuck, I've been slow playing for years, you know, and just sort of waiting in second position until she pretty much couldn't resist me anymore. Chuck: Is that right? Morgan: Yeah. Yeah. I would have liked your blessing before I marry her. Chuck: Oh, well, you know, whatever Ellie wants. Morgan: I know, but are you ready to be my brother-in-law? Have a few Morgan bartowskis running around? Or Ellie barettas? I would change my last name to baretta for her, you know, ' cause I think she deserves a last name that cool. You know, Ellie macgyver or Ellie headroom, Ellie rambo or... She's behind me right now, isn't she? Chuck: Mm-hmm. Morgan: Heard everything? Chuck: Pretty much, yeah. Morgan: I guess I'm going home. Chuck: I can't believe it. For 12 whole hours, my best friend and my sister actually got along. Ellie: A mother's day miracle. Chuck; Happy mother's day.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x05 - Chuck Versus the Sizzling Shrimp"}	foreverdreaming
What the... ? Agent: Where do you think you're going? I mean, you just don't think I can let you... Angry woman: Excuse me? Is there a trick to getting some help around here? Chuck: Other then being charming and beautiful, no, ma'am. Angry woman: I need to know which of these to buy-- the 3000-z or the 3000-z-x. Chuck: Excellent question. Uh, you need to talk to one of our green shirts about that. I can actually call one to assist you. I'm not a salesman. I'm actually part of the nerd herd. Angry woman: You must be so proud of yourself. Chuck: I wouldn't go so far as to say proud. So sorry. One minute. I'll be right back. Chanting: Mystery crisper. Chuck: Guys, sorry, sorry to break up... Lester: You want in? It's gonna cost you five bucks. Chuck: What's going on? Morgan: Final round. Mystery crisper. Chanting: Mystery crisper! Mystery crisper! Jeff: The great crisper, where employee food goes to die. Lester: Put the shield down ♪♪♪♪ Chuck; Guys, there's going to be a riot on the sales floor if you don't get back to work. Chuck, shut up. ♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ Lester: He's got it? He's the man, the man. He wants his wapon. Anna; Morgan is so awesome. He can eat anything. Big Mike: Bartowski. Chuck: Yeah! Yes! Big Mike: I need to see you in my office. Chuck: I-i was just on my way. Harry: Daddy mad, Chuck. Daddy mad. Might as well kiss that promotion good-bye. Big Mike: Get in here, Bartowski. Chuck; Yes, sir. Big Mike: Tell me... What's the best part of being buy more brass? Chuck: The power? The money? The ladies? Big Mike; The medical. I couldn't give a rodent's behind about this job. But this... My body is my temple. And I must treat it as such. Chuck: Is that... Is that all, sir? 'Cause i-i really should, uh, get back to work. Big mike: No, that is not all. Sit down. Chuck: Okay. Big Mike: There's a guy coming in here from corporate to interview you and tang for the assistant manager spot. Now tang has the charm of a prostate exam. For some reason, people seem to like you. If the hr guy likes you, the job is yours. So is the medical. Don't screw up. Chuck: I'll, uh, I'll do my best. Big mike: Make sure Morgan does his best, too. That kid is gonna be the anchor around your neck, Bartowski. Chuck: What, we don't have enough actual cobwebs already? Ellie: I'm getting ready for our annual halloween party. What time are you getting here? Chuck: Oh, you know what, I might be late. They finally scheduled that promotional-interview thing for that afternoon. Ellie: We can just make it an assistant manager party, too, then. Chuck: Sure, yeah, if you feel like jinxing it. Ellie: You're just finally growing up, aren't you? Do you think that this year would be a good time for you and Morgan to have separate costumes? Chuck: Excuse me, but what's wrong with our costume? Ellie: Um, I'm sorry, but the whole two-man-sea-cucumber-thing is kind of creepy. Chuck: First of all, it's a sandworm, okay? Shai-hulud, to be specific. And second of all, dune fans have been going nuts over our costume since the eighth grade. Devon: Yo Chuckster. Guess what I am? Chuck: You're... Naked? Devon: I'm adam. You know, like adam and eve, adam. Wait till you see my snake. Chuck: I don't want to see your snake. Ellie: Devon, Chuck here has an interview on wednesday. Devon; That is outstanding. Chuck: I gotta... Excuse me. Hello? Hello? Big Mike: I'm getting tense! You know I don't like being tense. Chuck; How can I help you relax, big mike? Big mike: Find that jackass Morgan. Your buddy's supposed to be working a double shift today and went awol. Chuck: Hey, hey, buddy, Morgan. Morgan: Where you been? What's up, buddy? Yes. Chuck: Where have you been? I've been trying to call you. Morgan: I, uh, I picked up the sandworm costume from the dry cleaners. The ranch dressing from last year totally came out, so we're all good. You ready to win another buy more costume contest? Chuck: No. No, no, 'cause you're supposed to be at work, buddy. Morgan: Dude, I got ten big ones riding on this quote-unquote videogame, so can I just have, uh... This guy's been handing me my ass all week. Time to return the favor. ♪♪♪♪ Chuck: Uh, Morgan. Morgan: Yeah, buddy? Chuck: Morgan, this guy is dangerous. Morgan: Well, Morgan's dangerous, chucky. Morgan's dangerous. Oh, what a baby. What a loser. Lazslo: How did you find me? How did you find me? Who else knows I'm here? Who do you work for? Chuck: No one. No one. Let me go. Look, I don't know what you're talking about. Lazslo: I know you're a spy! Your watch? I designed that watch for the CIA. Are there other agents waiting for me outside? Are there other agents waiting for me outside? Morgan; You're not sneaking away from me. Wait, whoa, whoa. You still owe me ten bucks! Chuck: Morgan! Morgan! Morgan: Whoa, hey, you still owe me ten dollars! Chuck. S01E06 Chuck; Hey. Um, is Sarah here? Devon: She's waiting in your room. Ellie: Is everything okay? Devon: Said she had a surprise for you. Get in there, slugger. Chuck: Hey. Who is this lazslo character? He just id'd me as an agent. Sarah:,Relax. We're looking into him. And you did the right thing. Chuck: I... I didn't do anything. I just flashed on the guy. Sarah: You followed protocol, and I'm going to check in with you first thing in the morning. Chuck: Wait, wait. Wait, wait, hold on, hold on. Wait, um... Look, if it's cool with you, could you hang out for a little while? Look, awesome and Ellie think that I'm... Kind of getting lucky in here, and I wouldn't want to disappoint... Them. Sarah; Uh, how long do you want me to stay? Chuck; 42 minutes and 15 seconds? Arcade fre's first album. It's like an auditory aphrodisiac. You're not really ready for it yet. Here we go. And... Why were you waiting for me in my room, anyway? Sarah: Well, I wanted to surprise you. Uh, it's, uh, it's us at comic-con. What do you think? Chuck; It's... It's great. But we've never actually been to comic-con, have we? Wow, we... We actually look like a real couple. Sarah: Well, we are a real couple. We're just a different sort of a couple. Chuck: That we are. Casey: You! What do I have to do to get timely intel out of you, Bartowski? Chuck: Look, I briefed Sarah last night, all right? Casey: Oh, I bet you did, slugger. Chuck: I thought we were all supposed to be part of the same team here, huh-- team Chuck. Casey: We are, but I'm starting to feel like the guy who always gets picked last, and I do not like feeling like Team Chuck's little fat kid. Chuck: Okay, you know what, the next time I have a flash, i'll come straight to you, all right, Casey? Casey: What did you tell lazslo? Chuck: Nothing. He asked me where I got my watch, and I told him my girlfriend gave it to me, okay? Casey: So you compromised yourself and agent walker? Bang up job, Chuck. Chuck: And so now you and your son are ready to video-chat. Sweet old lady: Thank you, young man. You've been-- great heavens! Morgan: This is a whale-tail. Notice this illusive creature, seen here frolicking in her natural habitat-- any sudden movement would- Chuck: give Me, give me this. Come on, come on. Get, shoo, shoo, shoo. Have fun, go find the video games. Morgan; What was that about, man? Come on, I was this close to closing a sale. Chuck; No. You know what you are, Morgan? You are this close to getting fired for sexual harassment. Morgan: What happened, Chuck? You used to be cool. Chuck: I-i used to be cool? When was that? When we were 13? Well, I'm sorry to go changing on you, buddy. But if you hadn't noticed, we are now chronologically-speaking, adults. So, unless you wanna work retail for the rest of your life, and by the way, drag me down with you in the Process, I would suggest that you grow up. Lester: "Heavy is the head that wears the crown." couldn't help but notice the way you handled that, uh, Morgan situation. That was most impressive, Chuck. Chuck: That's great, that's great. Jeff:,You gave me goose bumps. Chuck: Super, jeff. Beckman: The intersect was correct to alert us. We've been looking for lazslo mahnovski since he escaped from los robles national labs last month. Casey: Who is he? Beckman: wapon designer. Government brain. The target graduated college age 14. Ph. D. At 17. Been with us ever since, working for a clandestine engineering subcontractor. Lazslo's not the kind of asset we can afford to lose to our enemies. Casey; Grade-a egghead. Got it. What do you want me to do with him? Beckman: Bring him in. And take caution. Casey: What, is he gonna hurt me with his mind? Beckman: Well, here's what he did to his handlers. Chuck: Nice try, buddy, but, uh, halloween's tomorrow, okay? Or today, or today. It could be today if you want it to be today. Lazslo: I didn't kll anybody. Chuck: Look, i-i never said you did. Lazslo: Then why am I on the fbi list? Chuck: I don't know. Just calm down. Lazslo: I was framed, okay. You have to believe me. I am not a mrder. Chuck: Okay, okay. I believe you. But, fyi... you’re kind of acting like a mrder ♪♪♪ Lazslo: You told the undercover agent about me, didn't you? He's talking to pentagon operations right now. I tapped into the encrypted video feed at the store. I helped design that home theater system. Chuck: Look, i-i-i don't know-- gn! Get it. Get it. Get it. I got it, I got it. I got it. Is that a water gn? Lazslo: No. Chuck: I'm pretty sure it's dripping on my face. Laszlo: I'm sorry. Name's lazslo. And I need help. Chuck: What the hell am I supposed to do? Laszlo: You're on the inside. You have access. Look, unless you help me clear my name, they're gonna keep chasing me. You're my only hope. But first... I could really use some pancakes. Ellie: Hey, where's Chuck? Shouldn't you guys be practicing your snake dance? Morgan: It's a sandworm, and... Chuck's not here, 'cause he's probably off doing something really mature like seeing an opera. Or reading. Devon: Come on, babe, let's help the little guy out. Chuck: What else did you make for the CIA? Laszlo; Whatever the jobs called for actually. I mean, if an agent wanted thermal-vision ray bans or he wanted a parachute disguised as a backpack, i'm the Guy they call. Chuck: You're like a real-life q? You know. You know q. The guy who used to make all the gadgets for bond, q? Laszlo: Bond was that spy-guy, right? Chuck: What, have they been keeping you in a friggin' cave? Laszlo: Underground lab actually. For the last 10 years, all I did was work in that lab pretty much. Well, that and play video games. But, uh... No friends, no family. Chuck: No bond. No wonder you blew up all your research and busted out there. That's just inhumane. Laszlo: So what kind of work do you do? Chuck: You know, it's kinda, it's kinda, uh, complicated. Laszlo: Right, but you gotta be some kind of a genius. Or prodigy? I mean feds don't bother recruiting somebody, guarding them with undercover agents, unless you're super-good At sometthing? What are you super-good at? Chuck: Let's just say I'm a computer-guy. Morgan: Ellie, let me ask you a question. Am I the kind of person you'd categorize as... Immature? Ellie: Do you really want me to answer that? Morgan: Yes. Be straight with me. fre away both barrels. Devon: Would you mind stepping in the kitchen for a moment, Morgan? I'll handle this one, honey. Morgan: Ellie's room. Devon: There comes a time in every man's life when he reaches, well, a crossroads. A time when he must ask himself... Am I a tucker? Talking about your shirt, Morgan. I wasn't always a tucker, you know. Then one day, it just happened. Morgan: How do you, how do you know it's time? Devon: You just feel it. Go ahead. x Tuck her in. See how she feels. Morgan: I don't know. No, I'm, I'm just kinda happy with how my shirts hang there. Devon: Come on. You're safe in here. Tuck her in. Morgan: I don't if I'm, i- Devon; do it. Devon: Mm-hmm. Morgan: I don't know, i-i kinda feel like my, my junk's out there for the whole world to see. Devon: Maybe that's the point, Morgan. Maybe that's the point. If there's one thing to being a man, it's always speaking your mind. Whatever the cost. Always be direct, open and honest. Morgan: When I was 12, I hid under Ellie's bed, so I could watch her undress. Devon; Excellent. Morgan: What are you looking at? Devon: Your hair. It's time to tame the mane, buddy. Let's talk product. I gotta finish the job. I'm sorry. Morgan: Hey, who's that handsome guy in the mirror? Laszlo: This is great. I mean just being able to sit in a coffee shop and talk. Chuck:,Just talk. Laszlo: With somebody who knows what it's like working for the company. You know, if I had to do it over again, I never would have gone to that pier. Chuck: What pier? Laszlo: I was 11... And... Some agent saw me playing tetris at an arcade. So he asked me if I can take all these tests. The next thing I know, he's offering to pay my way through school. My parents, like, they didn't know what to do with a kid whose iq is higher than both theirs combined. So they signed me over. And that's when I became property of the united states government. Sweet story, huh? I'm a little, I'm a little strapped. You know how government work pays. Chuck: Dude, yeah. No, no, no, no, don't even worry about it. Laszlo: Here. Here's an iou. Chuck: Thanks. Laszlo: Chuck, listen you can't tell your handlers you ever saw me. Chuck: What? Why? They can help you, lazslo. They're the good guys. Laszlo: There's no such thing in this business. I mean, you don't believe me? Go home and search your room. See what kind of bugs your good guy handlers planted on you. From now on, you should trust your handlers precisely as much as they trust you. Chuck: What the hell are these? Casey: Seems you already know, Chuck. Chuck: I can't believe you've been prying into my most intimate moments... You know what? I swear to god, if I find out you've been spying on my sister, I will kll you, Casey. Casey: Intimate moments? Not really an issue thus far. At least, not in the sense of traditional two-person intimacy. Chuck; He-he-he. Do you have any idea how violated I feel right now? Casey: You feel violated? No, no, no, my ears feel violated. 'Cause they have to listen to you and that moron Morgan yammering on for four hours about what sandwich You're gonna take if you were stranded on a deserted island. Chuck: What are you nuts? Nobody was talking about sandwiches for four hours. Come on. Chuck: Think about it-- this is a desert island, Morgan. Mayonnaise simply doesn't fare well in the tropics-- Morgan: Oh, yeah, but define sandwich. 'Cause technically you can put anything between two slices of bread. For instance, could I bring... A jessica alba sandwich to said desert island? Chuck: I-i suppose. Well, I'll have you know, I stand by my mayonnaise theory. And you're still a giant douche for spying on me like that. Casey: Well, if it's any comfort, Chuck, we planted those bugs to protect you. How did you find the surveillance, anyway? Chuck: Oh, a little birdie named lazslo told me. What? Casey: You contacted lazslo and didn't tell me? Chuck: I'm sorry, Casey. Did I violate your trust? Sarah: Willkommen to wienerlicious. Agent scary: I'm sorry, but we're geschlossen-- and that's german for "closed." That's really adorable. Nice cover, agent walker. You ve a sec? Laszlo: Hello, Chuck. What did you tell your handler? Chuck: I told him you were innocent, okay? I told him, I thought you were innocent. And I think the best thing for you to do is go and turn yourself in. They can help you. Laszlo: Forget it, Chuck. It doesn't even matter. Chuck: Of course it matters. Isn't this what you wanted? Laszlo: They went through the trouble of framing me for mrder. What's going to happen when they get me back? A slap on the wrist? There's got to be someplace you can hide me. Just for tonight. Chuck: There is one place. Sarah: So this kid just escaped? Agent Scary: Look, we tried everything we could to prevent this whole thing from happening. Sarah: And what exactly is this? Agent scary; A mentlly unstable wapon designer, off his meds, and currently running around los angeles. Sarah: And how do you know all this? Agent Scary: Lazslo was my asset. I was the one who found him. I was the one who trained him, and I'm definitely the one who's going to be bringing him back. Look, I'm just going to be completely straight with you, walker. We believe that he is looking to make a bmb. And god help whoever's in his way when lazslo decides to go off. Chuck: Welcome to buy more. ♪♪ Laszlo: This is great! I'll be out before you guys open. And if everything works out, you will never see me again. Thank you, Chuck, for everything. I really appreciate it. Chuck: Yeah, definitely. Good luck disappearing, lazslo. Laszlo: Yeah. Oh, and I hope you don't mind, I kind of helped myself to the... To the bond ouevre. Chuck: Oh, check you out. A view to a kll? Laszlo: That's a bold choice. Why? Is it a good one? Chuck: Oh, dude, christopher walken playing some evil nzi villain? Grace jones as some a 'roid rage sex assassin? I think, actually, on second thought, i'm going to stay for the beginning. Laszlo: Sit. Laszlo: Who is it? Chuck: Uh, it's my handler, Sarah. Laszlo: Chuck, you got to turn it off. Please, Chuck, she could be tracking us. You don't understand. If you turn me in to your handlers, it's like signing my death warrant. Give me your watch. Chuck: Why? Laszlo: Give me your watch. I need to disable the transponder. Chuck: Disable the transponder? transponder Yeah, but how would you do that? Here you go. You were right about the bugs, by the way. God knows what they put in my car. Laszlo: I've got a pretty good idea. I broke into it earlier, disabled the gps system. Chuck: How did you... You designed my car. Laszlo: Just think, Chuck. Right now, there is no one in the entire world who knows where we are. Sarah: come on, Chuck. Pick up the phone. Voice message: Hey, it's Chuck. I'll call you right back. Sarah: damn it. Chuck, I want you to go to your car, lock the doors and wait for me. Chuck: What did I tell you? Max zorin is one of the greatest bad guys of all time. Laszlo: You think walken was the bad guy? Chuck: What, are you kidding? I mean, he did try to sink california into the pacific ocean. What do you think? Laszlo: Don't you get it, Chuck? Zorin is like us. The nzi used him for his superior gifts the way our government uses me and you. Chuck: I don't... Laszlo: Too bad zorin didn't have this home theater system. Screw flooding silicon valley. Do you know what we can do with this system if we really wanted to, Chuck? Chuck; Watch more movies? I haven't had a chance to play with this bad boy since I designed it. Chuck: What is that? Laszlo: Strategic air command. We keep a fleet of b-2s in guam, kept on nuclear alert, just in case. Chuck: What are you doing? Laszlo: Putting my tax dollars to work, Chuck. Would you like to play a nice game of thermonuclear wr? What about texas? What did texas ever do that was so great? Nine hours... Maybe we should pick somewhere closer? In honor of max zorin... Let's see how fast they get to san francisco. Chuck: Hey, hey, hey! Um... What about, let's watch goldfinger, huh? Laszlo: What's it about? Chuck: Uh, again, it's about this bad, misunderstood guy who just wants to blow up the world. It's right up your alley; I think you'll really like it. Laszlo: We can always play later. Chuck: We can! We can play... bmb, bmb, bmb... Thing later... I'm going to go get us some more popcorn. So, here, why don't you... You go ahead and start without me. And-and, uh, I'm going to be right back. You have 34 new messages. Casey: Chuck, it's Casey. Call me. You think this is funny, Chuck? If you don't call me back in the next ten seconds... Tie it in a knot and shove it straight up... Sarah: Chuck, I want you to go to your car, lock the doors, and wait for me. Laszlo: Where are we headed? I thought I asked you to turn your phone off. Who were you talking to? Chuck: My handler, okay? She was just checking in. You shouldn't have done that, Chuck. You should not have dragged them into this. I'm not responsible for what happens now. You sold me out... You sold me out! Chuck: No, no, no, no. I just didn't want you to get hurt, okay? Look, relax. Just relax, everything is going to be cool. Laszlo: Everything is not going to be cool. Sarah: Come on, let’s go Chuck: What the hell? You're going to kll us! You're going to kll us! Laszlo: Well, Chuck, it's been fun. Chuck; Don't... Oh... Oh! Ladies Sarah; Hey. You look nice. Chuck: Thanks. I feel like crap. I screwed up. I severely pooched the lazslo situation last night. Sarah: Yeah, well... Today, you have a job interview. Chuck:,Do you think I care about making lower management at a buy more? Are you kidding me? I aided and abetted the escape of the next ted kacyzski, Sarah. I just... I can't believe that I was so wrong about that guy. No wonder you bugged my room. I'm an absolute idiot. Sarah: You know, just because you trust people, it doesn't make you an idiot. Chuck: Yeah, well, I should've trusted you guys a little more. I'm sorry. Sarah: Well, Casey got a signal on your car, and somehow the gps got turned back on and lazslo was heading east. So, I'll call you from the road. And don't worry, we're going to bring him in, Chuck. Good luck today. Big Mike: Morgan! I don't know who you're supposed to be, but that's the most kick-ass costume ever. Morgan: I'm sorry, michael. Is it halloween? I didn't realize. Lester: Morgan, hey. You up for a little mystery crisper holiday edition? Morgan: I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about, lester. Jeffrey. Chuck: Hey, Morgan, buddy, where were you this morning? I thought you wanted a ride in. Why are you all dressed up? Morgan: Why are you all dressed up? Chuck: I have a job interview today. Morgan; Bully for you, Chuck. Chuck; What? Morgan: You think you're the only one at the buy more who cares about looking professional? Typical. Chuck: I never, I never said anything... Harry: Boo! Chuck: Aah! Harry: Did I scare you, Chuck? You better be scared, 'cause I'm about ready to kll me a job interview, partner. Ka-pow! Chuck: Lazslo is not headed east. He's going to the santa monica pier. Sarah: Yeah, you don't say? We just found the gps in downtown. Lazslo ripped it out and stuck it under a big rig. Chuck: Look, he was casing the arcade. It's where he was first recruited. There's a huge halloween party there every year. I think he's going to blow it up. Big Mike: Where do you think you're going? Chuck: Um... It's you. Hey, hey, big mike, i... Can i... Can I borrow another herder? Big Mike: All the herders are out. You've got an interview this afternoon, or did you forget? Chuck: No. I-i just... I'm... Something came up. Big Mike: Is that something more important than being assistant manager? Is it more important than handing over your promotion to tang? Please, Chuck. Is it more important than big mike's relaxation? Chuck: Look, big mike, there are just some things in life that are more important than the buy more. Big Mike: You mean, like fishing and danish? Chuck: Excuse me. Excuse me. ♪♪ HR manager: Bartowski? Excuse me, you-you in the gordon gecko costume. Have you seen Chuck Bartowski? It's time for his interview. Morgan: I actually don't know where Chuck's been keeping himself these days. So-sorry. Harry; I guess your boyfriend just couldn't take the heat, huh? Morgan: I'm sure he's got a perfectly good excuse. Harry: Sure he does. First Chuck bails on you and your stupid space-penis costume. And then, he doesn't even have the stones to show up for his interview. What a loser. Even by your standards. If I were you, I'd start interviewing for a new best friend, ma-ma-ma... Morgan. Morgan: Let me ask you something. What do you know about Chuck Bartowski? HR manager: You're not Bartowski. Morgan: Actually, I'm-i'm here to interview on my friend's behalf. Hr manager; Look... Morgan: Please, please, just hear me out, okay? I know that the virtues that make for a good buy more manager are the same virtues that make for a best friend. Now, uh, Chuck and I may have our differences, but I can tell yo5 this about him. Chuck is-is brave. Chuck is loyal. You know, Chuck can quote wrath of khan word-for-word. And Chuck is courageous. Chuck's got a wicked vinyl collection, and Chuck has the wisdom to not eat garbage from the break room Crisper. If you want my open and honest and direct opinion, the best man for this job is a man by the name of Chuck Bartowski. HR manager: Some speech. Chuck Bartowski sounds like a hell of a guy. Morgan: He is. HR manager: When he comes in tomorrow, he'll be working for one... Harold tiberius tang. God help you all. Laszlo: I meant to tell you earlier about your car's self-destruct function. One of my more inspired designs. Chuck: Lazslo, listen. Laszlo: Relax, Chuck. She's all yours. Chuck: What did you just do? Laszlo: You just armed a bmb. That would have taken me hours to get through the fingerprint recognition system. Chuck: Why are you doing this? Laszlo: What? blwing stuff up? That's what bad guys do, Chuck. Besides, how else was I going to punish them for what they did to me? Chuck: Yeah? Casey; Hey, someone just armed the herder to self-destruct. Chuck: Yeah. I know. It was me. Disarm the bmb right now! Laszlo: You disarm the bmb! Chuck: How? Laszlo: Cut the wire. Chuck: Which one? Laszlo: The red one. You got to cut a wire, Chuck! Chuck: What if I cut both of them? Laszlo: Oh, like sean connery in the end of goldfinger? Chuck: What did you just say? Laszlo: Cut the wire, Chuck. The other night, you said you'd never seen goldfinger, so, how would you know what bond does at the end of The movie? Laszlo: Cut the wire, or we're d*ad. Chuck: You lied to me, lazslo. You knew I'd believe you when you said you just wanted to live a normal, peaceful life. And you knew that I'd believe you about cutting the wire, but you were wrong, lazslo. Sarah: Chuck! Chuck; Wait!Wait!Stay back! Laszlo: Cut the red wire, Chuck! Casey: You're under arrest. Lester: Come on. I liked it a little bit, all right? Jeff: All right, now, how do i... Both: hey, Chuck. Harry: Nice costume, Chuck. And what are you supposed to be? Oh, that's right. You're my employee. Aren't you going to congratulate me? You did hear I got the job. Chuck: Uncontested. Yeah. Nice work, harry. Harry: Anyhow, now that you're here, I wanted to talk to you about some organisational ideas I had for the nerd Herd... Chuck, where are you going? Chuck? Chuck, I will not be ignored! Anna: Did Morgan ever find you? I thought the guy was going to lose it. Chuck: No. I-i know. He was really looking forward to the buy more costume contest. Anna: I'm talking about what he did for you. Giving the whole big speech to try to talk the hr guy into giving you the job? Chuck: Morgan did that? Anna: And then someone went and stole his bike. I mean, what kind of loser would steal a guy's bike? Look at you two. Morgan: I didn't think you were coming. Chuck: I'm sorry. I got held up. Listen, Morgan, I think you should be the head this year. Morgan: Really? Ellie: Chuck? Chuck, honey? Honey? Morgan: he's in the back. Ellie: Hey. How did it go? Chuck: Uh, the short version is that I didn't get the job. What? I kind of skipped out on the interview. Sarah: it was my fault. Morgan: Hel-lo. Sarah: I, uh... I had a personal emergency, and Chuck really came through. He probably wouldn't admit it, but your brother is kind of a hero. Chuck: Would you excuse us? Hey, uh, buddy, you mind if... You mind if we take a little five minute break? Morgan: Dude, are you kidding me? Take ten if you need it. Chuck: So, uh, where did you get the costume? Sarah: The CIA can make anything. Chuck: What are you... What are you doing? Sarah: Uh... Smile. Smile. I, uh... I wanted to give you a new photo of us, and I figured that it should be something real. Morgan: Chuck! People : worm!Worm!Worm!Worm! Morgan: They're calling for the worm, bro. Worm!Worm!Worm! Worm!Worm!Worm!Worm... ! Sarah: I'll, uh... I'll see you outside. Morgan: What were you guys, uh... What were you guys talking about? Chuck: Oh, nothing. Just, uh, you know. Sarah was just telling me that if she were stranded on a desert island, she would bring roast beef. Morgan: She didn't say roast beef. Chuck; Oh, she totally... she completely said roast beef. Morgan: oh, that's terrible. Oh, that's a terrible sandwich, it's a terrible sandwich. You know, she's smart, and she's sexy, and kudos on her costume, looked fantastic, but who brings roast beef To a deserted island? That's a terrible choice. You gotta dump her	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x06 - Chuck Versus the Sandworm"}	foreverdreaming
Mason Whitney: Who are you ? Reardon Payne: I'm a poisoner by trade. Specifically speaking, I'm your poisoner. Do you know where the codes are? Mason Whitney: No. I told you. Reardon : Okay. We're gonna try that again. Do you know where the codes are? Mason Whitney: Yes. How did you make me do that? Reardon: My poison starts as truth serum. Your assignment is simple, Mr. Whitney. Just get me my codes. You have approximately three hours, give or take, before you die. As soon as I have my codes... I'll give you the antidote. Sarah: You ready? Chuck: Maybe we're in over our heads. Sarah; It's time. Chuck: Sure it's not too dangerous? Sarah: I'll be an inch away. Chuck: I'm scared. Sarah: Let's go over it again. Make sure we have our bases covered. Chuck: God, who'd thought going out to sushi with my sister and her boyfriend would make me so freaked? Sarah: Okay. Last night we saw a movie. Chuck: What was my snack of choice? Sarah: Sprinkled milk duds over your popcorn. What was I wearing? Chuck: Blue top, little buttons. Sarah: Oh, you like that one? Chuck: I like all of 'em. What movie were we... Scooter; why is this door locked? Chuck: What are you doing? Scooter: Girl on top. Ms. Walker. When herr wienerlicious signs your paycheck, I doubt he's factoring in make-out breaks with your Boy-toy. Sarah: I'm sorry. I had to act fast. Lou: I keep pressing the button and nothing's happening. Chuck: Is it fully charged? 'Cause sometimes this... Lou: My entire life is in this thing. Okay? I got names, places, dates, times, music, photos, recipes... Chuck: Wow, uh, you-you cook, too? Lou: What if I lose everything? You know, I can't start from scratch. I can't be the person that I was before this thing came along. Okay, I'm freaking out! Chuck; Listen to me, uh... Lou: Lou. Chuck: Lou? Really? Lou, I wouldn't put... This is kind of my world, you know? This is what... This is what I do, and i... I do it pretty good, so... Trust me. Okay. Lou: I know I'm totally spazzing out. I'm sorry. It's just... A little overwhelming to even consider... Chuck: No, no, no, no, no. Don't go there. Come back. Go to a happy place. Is there something that you think about that quiets the voices that are in your head? Lou: Turkey. Muenster cheese. Egg bread. Grilled. Chuck: Was that a, was that a sandwich? Lou: Yeah, they're my passion. Chuck: Uh, the... Sounds, sounds pretty delicious. Lou: I own a deli in the mall and I often think about meats and cheeses. Chuck: Ah, yes. Who doesn't? Look, i-i, uh, I promise you that if you come back tomorrow, your phone will be all fixed up and Good to go. Okay? Lou; Really? Chuck: Yeah. Lou: Thank you. So much. It's been nice talking with you, Chuck. Chuck: Yeah, you too, Lou. That rhymed. I-i-i didn't actually mean for that to rhyme, I’m sorry Lou; It's okay. Chuck: Okay. Morgan: ♪ mind-cheater. ♪ ♪ saw you. ♪ Chuck: Saw me what? Morgan: Saw you what? Dude, are you kidding me? Mind-cheating with the broken phone girl. And why wouldn't you? Her hair looked so much like licorice, I wanna chew on it till I make myself sick. But you, well, gee whiz, Chuck, you already have hair to chew on. Chuck: What? What the hell are you talking about? Morgan: Name Sarah ring a... Hot blonde with two big bells? You know, just because you didn't actually do anything with licorice hair doesn't mean you didn't want to. Think about that. Mind-cheater. Chuck: Don't. Morgan: saw you. Chuck: Get... Ah! [b Reardon[/b]: Your assignment is simple, Mr. Whitney my codes, they're still here. Chuck: Oh, and also, and also a... A crab hand-roll for the lady. Light wasabi, but like light-light, almost as if you just washed your hands and only the residue Of previous orders remains. Devon: Didn't realize how old-fashioned you were, Chuck. Chuck:Oh, why? Cause I was ordering food for my girl? Well, I guess I just know what she likes. Sarah: You sure do. Thanks, sweetie. Chuck: Welcome, sweetie. Devon; No, no. Old fashioned how slow you guys are taking things. Ellie: Devon... Sarah: what? Devon: I mean you guy are joined at the hip, but that's not where you're supposed to be joined. I mean it's like the east wing of our apartment has taken a vow of celibacy. Ellie: That is none of our business. Um, edamame? Sarah: Oh, your sleeve. Ellie: Oh, sh*t. Chuck: Are you ever gonna retire that sweater, Ellie? Ellie: Hope not. It's my lucky sweater. Devon: More like my lucky sweater. Was wearing it the first time I met Ellie in an epidemiology class... Ellie; He told me that L.L. Bean must've stole the color from my eyes, so it really belonged to me. Thank you for dinner. Devon: Well, you guys wait here. I'll get the car. I found a space around the corner. Sir. Ellie: Can you hear me? what is your name? ♪ ♪ Can you hear me, sir? Shallow respiration, thready pulse. Chuck, check... Check for medical id. Whitney: Help me, please. Help me. Ellie: Just, just relax. We're doing everything we can. Chuck: That's my sister. Eleanor fay Bartowski is saving that dude's life! That's my sister. Saving that bad dude's life. Chuck. S01E08 Chuck: Hey, hey, do you think, uh, do you think Ellie's okay? Should I call the hospital again? Sarah: You've called ten times in the past 20 minutes. Chuck: Yeah, I know, but what-what about sweaty nuclear guy? What-what if he hurts her? Sarah: Come on, Chuck. People saw Ellie at the er. She is gonna be fine. Devon: You spending the night? My little pep talk must've inspired you guys. Mazel tov. Chuck: Yeah, uh, actually, Sarah's just hanging out until Ellie gets home. Devon: Why? She's a doctor, Chuck. Emergencies happen. You know, when somebody asks, "is there a doctor in the house?" that's our cue. I'm gonna make some coffee. Do you want some? Chuck: Absolutely. Devon: Listen, I know it's been a while since you've taken your, uh... Your bike out for a ride, you know. But it is time to oil up that rusty chain, x hop on that seat, and start pedaling away, bro. You never forget how to ride, okay. Lock it out. Come on. Nice. Aw, hey, there she is. Hi, honey. Chuck: Ellie! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god, you're okay. Oh, my god, you're fine. You're fine. Why wouldn't she be fine? What happened? Ellie: We tried everything. Nothing worked. I think he was... Poisoned or had an allergic reaction or something. I'm going to bed. Good night, guys. Devon: Night, guys. Chuck: Good night. Ellie: Night. Devon; Night. Chuck: I'm getting way too comfortable lying and sneaking around all this spy stuff, okay. I'm starting to feel that that is my real life. Sarah: It's all to be expected. It's an existential spy crisis of sorts. Chuck; It used to be all compartmentalized, you know. Chuck world and spy world. But when I watched those ambulance doors close and my sister was behind them with that sweaty nuclear spy freak, my worlds collided. I put Ellie's life in danger. Sarah: No, Chuck, that guy was sick with or without the intersect in your head. And spy world or no, Ellie helped that guy because that is what she is trained to do. Chuck: Yeah, I guess so. Sarah: There's something else I have to talk to you about. Chuck: What's that? Sarah: I'm a little worried about our cover. I think it's time for us to make love. Chuck: It's a hot coffee. Beckman: The intersect was correct in identifying mason whitney; subject had nuclear Intel. However, Bartowski incorrectly perceived whitney as a thrat. Sarah: Chuck's not wrong very often. Casey: But he's annoying all the time. Beckman: Whitney was a programmer for a top-secret project, code name: "sanctuary." when whitney disappeared, so did the sanctuary data embedded on a computer chip. Sarah: Wait. So whoever has the chip essentially has a skeleton key to access our nuclear facilities? Beckman: Precisely, agent walker. In the wrong hands, this is potentially catastrophic. Casey, bring Chuck with you to the morgue. Maybe there's a clue only he can see to ascertain whitney's true cause of death. Agent walker, search the body for the missing codes. Maybe there's a chance he still has them on him. Chuck: Dude. This is weird. You're back from lunch on time. Morgan: Big mike's working me to the bone, dude. He's got me on some extra assignment, says it was super secret. Chuck; Don't tell me because if you tell me, it's not gonna be a secret... Morgan: Wants me to help tang's wife pick out a gift for their anniversary. Chuck: Well, that's great. I mean he trusts you. Morgan: No, no, dude, I don't have time for this. I'm a very busy man-boy. Chuck: Morgan, think of it like this: think of it as an opportunity to learn something you'd otherwise Never know about our freakish leader. Morgan: O... Kay. Ms. Harry tang? Poppy Tang: Thick mike say you help me pick prize for harry. Morgan: Yeah, hi, I'm Morgan. Poppy: Shh, big secret. Poopie-cat is the jealous type. Keep it under your head. Morgan: Have any idea what harry wants? Poppy: I buy him plasma TV, biggest you got. Morgan: Okay. I'm gonna go draw up the paperwork. Poppy: Harry be so happy! Eat it up. x Give me some sugar, sugar. Oh, yeah, there's some sugar. Lester: This'll be helpful to us one day, Jeffrey. x Meet me in the home theater room tomorrow night. Knowledge is power. Jeff:,My mom used to say "knowledge is powder." Lester: You don't talk about your mom much. Jeff; She's doing a stretch up in the state pen at chowchilla. Lester: Move, move. Lou: Okay, just give me the verdict, Chuck; I can take it. Chuck: You sure you want to hear? Lou: If you're teasing me, please stop. If you're not teasing me, don't lie to me. Chuck: Good as new-ish. Lou: I don't believe you. Chuck: You can learn a lot about a person through their cell phone, by the way. For example, I saw that you listed your nana first, under "a nana." Lou; thank you. Chuck; Hey, yeah. Lou: You really saved my ass, Chuck. Chuck: Wow, you love your nana and you have the mouth of a trucker. You're a very complicated woman, Lou. Lou: I brought you something. For fixing it. Chuck: Thanks. A sandwich? Lou: It’s the sandwich, turkey, Muenster cheese, egg bread I’m even going to call it the Chuck Bartowski Chuck: I can’t believe you’re going to name a sandwich after me ♪ ♪ Lou: You know, you should come by the shop sometime and taste it fresh. Chuck: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yes, I'd love that. Lou, this is kind of the biggest honor... Sarah! Sarah; Hi. I'm Sarah. Chuck: Lou... Lou is her name. This is Lou. I was fixing Lou's phone for her, Lou. Who's that? Chuck: That's Sarah. Lou: Sh-she said that. Uh, who's Sarah? Chuck: Sarah... Is. . What's the best way to describe... Sarah is my... Sarah: Girlfriend, Nice to meet you. Lou; Nice to meet you, Sarah. Uh, you should refrigerate that 'cause it'd be a shame for the Chuck to make you sick. Chuck; Yes, absolutely, i... Great idea. Sarah: Uh, there's more to the mason whitney incident than we thought. ♪ ♪ Chuck: Okay, this is just a storage room. They just happen to store people in this room, people who are no longer breathing and who are Refrigerated. Casey: Man up, Bartowski. Got to store 'em somewhere. Better than stacked up on a curb like garbage, right? Eyes on the prize. Getting any flashes? Chuck; Good lord, the man is naked! Casey:,Appears rigor mortis has set in, too. Find anything? Sarah: Nothing yet. No codes. Hang on a second. What is this? Reardon: I appreciate you taking the time to answ my questions, dr. Bartowski. Ellie: Not at all. Reardon: Okay, now, did the deceased hand anything to you? Ellie: No. Reardon: Say anything specific to you? Ellie: He just asked me to help him. Reardon: Did you hide anything for him? Ellie: I beg your pardon? Reardon: Did he transfer anything to your person? Ellie: I've told you everything I know, officer. I'm sorry if I can't be more help. Reardon: That's all right. Okay, I think we have everything we need. If you don't mind, I'd just like to get a quick photo for the records. Sarah: Bug. Reardon: All right. Actually, I'm just going to move your hair back a bit. It's just a protocol required for the framing. Okay. Now... Say "cheesecake." Ellie: Cheesecake. Sarah: What is it? Casey: The guy was poisoned. Toxic derivative of pentothal. Initially, the subject becomes uncontrollably truthful. After it accumulates in the occipital lobe, victim suffers from unconsciousness and eventually... Death. Sarah: What's the timeline on this thing? Casey: Can't say. x Could be a couple hours. Could be minutes depending on the concentration. Reardon: I just need you to sign this affidavit and we'll be all done. Ellie: If I think of anything else, I will be sure to let you know. Reardon: I'm sure you will. Have a good day, sir. Devon: Tiniest cop I've ever seen. Scooter: You know the rules, walker. Not while the green's out of the machine. Sarah: Your parents did real number on you, didn't they? Scooter: Yes, they did. Sarah: Hi. Come here. I just wanted to make sure we're all set for tonight's mission. Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it's, you know, it's been a while since I've slept with someone-- no-no-not, not slept With someone, but slept with s... it's actually been a while since I've done either one, so... Sarah: Chuck, listen, I know this is kind of uncomfortable. Chuck; I'm fine. It's fine. Sarah: It's just that we have to do it... Chuck: Got it. Sarah: mean not, not do it. Chuck: I got it. Sarah: so we don't blow... Chuck: I got it. Sarah; Our cover. Chuck: I got it. I got it. Okay. Lou! Hey!Hey, hey. Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, Lou, listen. About earlier with Sarah, I can explain. Lou: Forget it, Chuck. You don't have to be single to fix a broken phone, right? Maybe our signals just got crossed. Chuck: No, no, not at all. That's... That's kind of what I'm trying to say is that they... They weren't crossed. You know, Sarah and I, me and Sarah, that whole thing, it's really very... It's complicated? Lou: Well, is she your girlfriend or not? Chuck: Well, yeah, sort of, kind of hard to explain. I really, really, very badly wish that I could explain. Lou: Listen, if you're not going to tell me the truth, I'll tell you. Okay? x I like you. I like almost everything about you. I think you're cute, you're funny. Our vast height difference intrigues me. But want to know what I don't like? Chuck: Very, very much. Lou: I think anyone who cheats on his girlfriend is a big, fat, stupid jackass. Chuck: Exactly, I concur. Lou: Of course you do, which is why I like you. Why don't we do this, okay? If your situation ever gets less complicated, you just let me know. Okay? Chuck: Okay. Yeah. Lou: I got it. Chuck: Have a great day. Drive safe. Poppy: Morgan meet me in the home theater room tomorrow night. Harry; Again. Lester: You sure, harry? You've watched it, like, 20 times. Harry: Again! Poppy: Meet me in the home theater room tomorrow night. Harry: Again! Meet me in the home theater room tomorrow night. Lester: Let's watch it again. Sarah: Ellie let me in. Wow, Chuck. What do you think is going to happen here tonight? Chuck: Why? What do you, what do you think I think? Sarah: Well, I don't know, the, the candles and the music. I mean, you do know we're just spendinthe night together for cover, right? Chuck: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why, why would I possibly think anything else? I mean, by now I'd say I'm pretty familiar with the concept of faking it, so... Sarah: Chuck, we've got to take this assignment seriously. Chuck: Okay, I'll lose the music. You can change in the bathroom. Sarah: That's okay. Chuck: What? You're giving me crap about lighting some candles and you come in wearing that? Sarah: What, this? This, this is part of my cover. Chuck; Well, it doesn't cover a thing. Sarah: And what if Ellie or awesome were to walk in? This is exactly what a girlfriend would wear to seduce her boyfrien I am just being professional. Chuck: Yeah... The world's oldest profession. Sarah: Oh... Well, that's real nice, Chuck. What is the matter with you tonight anyway? Devon: want to watch some TV, babe? Ellie: No, read a book. ♪ ♪ Devon: You think Chuck's going to seal the deal with Sarah tonight? Ellie: Gross, you're talking about my brother. Devon: He's got your genes, babe, and I ought to know the bartowskis are very passionate people. Ellie; Remember the last time we spent the night at your parents' house? I found em bouncing around in the jacuzzi. Devon: Whoa. Brain stamp. Ellie: Shoe doesn't feel so great when it's on the other foot, now, does it? And you know what? You know what? What's up, what's up with the prn shorts, huh? I mean, clearly mrs. Heditsian likes to enjoy all the hills and valleys, but really, really they leave, like, nothing To the imagination! Devon: Okay. Babe, your uh ... Your mood tonight is super-honest, and I think that's awesome. Ellie: And then there's that. "awesome." everything is so freaking "awesome." let me tell you something. If everything is awesome and there is no unawesome, then "awesome" by definition is just Mediocre! And when was the last time you did something nice for me? Just bought me something for no reason just because it's a monday? Chuck: We're starting to sound like them, aren't we? Sarah: A little. Are you okay? Is there anything you want to talk about? Chuck: What exactly are the rules with our... Like you know, our, our thing? Sarah: What do you mean? Chuck: What do i... What do I mean? I mean hypothetically speaking, are we allowed to see other people? Sarah: Well, uh... Our cover is boyfriend/girlfriend, so tactically, that would be challenging. Plus any prospective date would have to endure a rigorous vetting process to determine her Motivation. Chuck: Wouldn't her motivation be love? Sarah: Ideally, but you're a very important piece of intelligence, and you have to be handled with Extreme care. Chuck: Well, that sounds very nice. Sarah: Chuck, I don't have to be a spy to piece together the clues here. You're interested in that Lou girl, aren't you? Chuck: Well, i... Devon: Come on, babe. Get back in bed. Ellie: You know what? I think I'm just going to sleep on the floor. Sarah: Chuck, we can't compromise our cover. Chuck: Well, I feel compromised already. Ellie: I have known him since the day he was born obviously. When people would ask him what he wanted to be when he grew up, he would always say the same Thing: "big boy." how cute is that? Chuck: Ellie, you're klling me here. Ellie: and now he is a big boy. [/i] and I can tell that he is because he is with a big... Big girl. Devon: Sorry, guys. Don't mean to muck up your mojo. Tried to stop her. Chuck: Is she drunk? Ellie: Chuck, you need a haircut. It's starting to make funny animal shapes. Captain: Let's go, babe. These two need their privacy, huh? Ellie: When you were seven, I told you that a burglar stole the money from your piggy bank. That was a lie. It was me. x At the time, I felt it was very important for me to have a backstreet boys fanny pack. Sarah: Ellie, are you okay? Have you done anything out of the ordinary? Ellie: Words taste like peaches. Captain: Okay, we going to go now. Let you kids get back to doing whatever it is you're doing. Have fun, all right. Casey: Hey, sorry to bother you folks. Can you spare some milk? All out. Devon: Moo juice coming right up. Chuck: Casey, what are you doing here? Casey: Getting some crosstalk. Sarah: Why? What from? Ellie; Those pajamas make you look like dennis the menace's father. Chuck: Ellie. Ellie, Ellie! Casey: Well, she was poisoned. Pulled the video surveillance. Man, posing as an officer, exposed your sister to the poison. Chuck: Why would anyone want to hurt Ellie? She doesn't know anything about nuclear codes. She doesn't even want us to own a microwave ??? Casey: good news, means the person who poisoned her is Still out there looking for the intel chip. Chuck: No, no, no, no. There is no good news. Okay, you just told me that my sister was poisoned by the same stuff as a dad guy. Sarah: Chuck, our medical teams are trying to identify the poisoning agent to create an antidote for Ellie. Chuck; There’s no time! If it's the same poison as the dad guy, that means Ellie's only got a few hours left. Look, this is easy. All we've got to do is find the codes, and we get get the bad guy to trade us for the antidote. Okay, we do this kind of thing in our sleep. Casey; Even if we knew where the codes were, at's not a practical plan. Can't risk the bad guy endangering millions of lives for the one. Chuck: This is my sister we're talking about, all right? We can't just sit around and watch her die. Sarah: Okay, the only clue we have so far is the bug that we found on Ellie. Casey: Soundproof box. Don't want the bad guy knowing we're onto him. We've got a team working on reversing the tracking signal. Hey, what are you doing? Chuck:No! Found the codes. Can't believe where mason whitney hid them. I'm going to keep them on the lady doctor until we can move them safely. Casey: Now the bad guy's going to come to us. Not bad, Bartowski. Do that ever again and I'll kll you. Chuck: I'm going to fix this, Ellie, I swear. Look, I know that you just think I'm just Chuck, your screw-up little brother. But there's a lot about me you don't know. See, I'm, I'm... I'm also Chuck, the guy with all these... Important government secrets in my brain. I can make this better. I will make this better. Everything is so different now. Ellie, everything is so different now. I used to be able to come you, and ask your advice about anything. And now, my whole life is, like, a lie. Devon: Went downstairs to get Ellie's sweater from her locker. Chuck: Her lucky sweater. She could use it. Thanks, devon. ♪ Reardon: Okay. I've got what you want. The antidote to save your doctor friend. Give it to her. She might live. Just trade me for the codes. Or... I can poison all of you and force you to tell me where you've hidden my codes. And then you'll die, too, just like the doctor. Your choice. Chuck: I found them!I found them! I found them. I got the codes. The codes are on the necklace. Reardon: The vial Chuck: Wait! Sarah: Casey, wait, ??? Here. Chuck: No, no, it's for Ellie. Sarah: I'm sorry. There's no debate. It has to be you. You're the intersect. Chuck: I won't take it knowing that Ellie will die without it, that both of you have been poisoned, too. Casey: You're a good person, Chuck, and I respect that, but I got a job to do. So take it before I shove it down your throat. Chuck: Okay, okay, fine. I'll do it. Sarah: Thank you. Chuck; I'll pretend to agree to take it, then I'll run like hell to my sister's room and make her take it. Why did I just say that out loud? Sarah: It'S the poison. It makes you tell the truth. Casey: You do that, I'll give chase, put a gn to your head, thrat to pull the trigger if you don't Take it. Chuck; Would you really sht me? Casey: No. Chuck: Yeah, don't waste the bllet. We're already dad. I'm saving my sister. You know, if I had a blog this would be a really big day for me. Do my laundry? Check. Save my sister's life? Check. Save my own life? Final entry. Sarah: I am so sorry about all of this. Chuck: That's okay. That's okay. It's not ideal, but I've lived a pretty good life, you know? I mean, how many guys can say they've landed a helicopter and saved the lives of innocent people? Casey: Courageous and honorable members of the united states military. Chuck: And hey, and the silver lining is now I don't have to work out my five-year plan again. Streamlined that down to about five hours. Bad guy's name is riordan payne. Used to be an olympic gymnast, blew out his knee. Now he sells hard-to-find items, like nuclear codes, to hard-to-find people. Lots of people want to spend lots of cash on these codes, but they're not going to get the chance. Casey: Oh. Why not? Chuck: Because this thing's going to lead us right to him. I got it. I got it I got it. Chuck: Well, who's better at it? Casey: I am. Casey: She is Damn truth serum. Chuck; God, you're so pretty. Casey, your jaw was chiseled by michelangelo himself. Casey: Thank you. Chuck: Oh, yeah. Payne: Yes? Who is it? Chuck: The NSA, CIA and me, who's a little tougher to explain, but... Casey: We all have our skill set. Sarah: Freeze. My partner would rather sht you in the face than let you get away. Casey; You called me your partner? Where are the codes, you son of a bitch? Sarah: Where's the antidote? Riordan: Actually, I was just about to enjoy a little antidote myself. What kind of host would I be if I didn't offer you some as well? (gn chamber clicking) Casey: Careful there. Haven't klled anyone in a while. Getting a little hungry. Chuck: No, no, no!Wait, wait, wait! Don't, don't, don't! Sarah: You have a flash? Chuck: No. No. I've just read tons of comic books. And the villain always samples it first. Casey: Good one, Chuck. All right. Very unsportsmanlike. I like it. Riordan: The antidote's in the cabinet, bottom right shelf. Key is in my pocket. Codes are in my right shoe. Chuck: No, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait. Not yet. Not yet. Sarah: Why? What's the matter? Chuck: Nothing. It's just that this... This will probably be the last chance that I have to know the truth. I know you're... You're just doing your job here, but sometimes it feels so real, you know? So, tell me. You and me. Us. Our thing under the undercover thing. Is this ever going anywhere? Sarah: I'm sorry, Chuck. No. Chuck: Got it... Got it. Thank you for being host. Even though I guess you don't really have a choice in the matter. Not bad. Beckman: Received the codes[/i] and now our wapon sites are more secure than ever. Congratulations on a job well done. Harry: Trying to have sex with my wife? I'll kick your ass. ??? Okay, Morgan grimes. You mess with the bull, you get the horns. Beckman: Major Casey, who’s infiltrated the htr. Harry: I... I... I see nothing out of the ordinary here. Carry on, Bartowski. Sarah: Stay right where you are. Chuck: Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What are you goinyoto do with him? Sarah: We'll take care of it. Casey: Oh, you're good, tang, very good. Harry: I am? Casey: Oh, of course, you are. I know you've been onto us for a while now, but you nailed us this time. Harry: I... I did? Casey: Course, you did. I know you've always known that Sarah and I worked undercover for the government. Harry: I knew it! I knew Bartowski couldn't bag anyone as hot as blondie. Casey: Oh, never mind Bartowski. He's small potatoes. Just the pawn we used to lure you here. Harry: I'm the big potato? Casey: U're the big potato. We're requesting you relocate to oahu and await further instructinns on how to aid your country From there. Harry: I'm going to be a spy? Casey: No. That would give a name to it. Harry: Wow: Leave the buy more. I never thought this day would come. Don't know what it is about this place, but it gets under your skin. Casey: Yeah. Harry: Proud to serve my country in any way I can, sir. Morgan: Hey, big Mike , you wanted to see me? Big Mike: Thanks for your help with harry tang's wife. Did me a huge favor. Morgan: Yeah, well, just doing my job there, sir. Big Mike: Oh, and grimes? Morgan; Uh-huh Big Mike: change the shipping address on tang's plasma delivery. Send it to their new place in oahu. Morgan: Oahu? Big Mike: Tang got himself a... Taste of the sweet life. Manager of some pineapple factory. Morgan: Wait. So, we're free? No more harry tang? Big Mike: Guess I'm not the only one glad to see him go. Morgan: No. Big Mike: Know he can be tough, but use your discretion with this information. Morgan: I got so many secrets crammed in here, f*re marshal wants to shut it down. Big Mike: Had no choice but to give harry tang the assistant manager position. Felt so damned guilty about... Diddling his wife for the past six months. No, I will not miss the man at all, but I will forever dream about the lady tang. Sarah: oh, hey. I... Didn't know you were coming by. Chuck: Sarah, you know when you think you're going to die, and your whole life is supposed to flash in Front of you? That didn't exactly happen for me yesterday. In fact, mostly it was just a list... That I saw. A list of stuff that I haven't done and things that I haven't had a chance to say. So today... Today, I want to start crossing things off of my list. And this is the first thing that I promised myself that I'd do. We need to break up. Sarah:What? Chuck: You know, you know, like, fake-fake break up our pretend relationship. I just can't do this anymore, you know? The longer we go, the longer we keep trying to fool people into believing that we're a real Couple... The person I keep fooling the most is me. Yeah. Casey: I meant to ask you. When you were affected, did you say anything to compromise yourself? Sarah: Uh... No. But if I hadn't been trained to withstand pentathol, I might have.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x08 - Chuck Versus the Truth"}	foreverdreaming
bunniefuu wrote: ↑ Hi. I'm Chuck. Here's a few things that you might need to know. It's hard to say good-bye. Chuck: Bryce larkin from connecticut is a spy? Sarah: A rogue spy said he try to contact you? Chuck; He... He sent... He sent me an e-mail. Bryce sent me a whole database of government secrets that are now locked in my brain. Keeping me in a constant state of fear, danger and anxiety. You and Bryce, that's not true. Right? Sarah: It was complicated. Chuck: It was nice knowing you. Tommy: It's tommy. We have a problem. The package has been intercepted. We're going to have to clean things up. Sarah: Oh, my god. Bryce. Casey: What did he say? Sarah; It sounded like... Big Mike: Chuck! Where's Bartowski? Chuck! This is walker. Leave me a message. Chuck: Hey. Hey, it's Chuck. Look, if you could just call me whenever... Morgan: Cool. You playing hide-and-seek? Is that Sarah? Did she call? Oh, dude, I hope she called, because you have been really weird since breaking up with like, full-on, stalker-mode crazy guy. Kind of like the old Chuck. Voicemail: Message recorded. Chuck: Thanks, buddy. Morgan: Dude, what am I here for? Am I right? Come on. Open up to uncle Morgan. Chuck: It's complicated, buddy. It's... It's just... It's complicated & yeah? Morgan: No. Listen, man. You like her, she likes you. Yeah. Wow! I'm confused. Chuck: I thought it wasn't going anywhere-- that it was over. And then... And then we had this... This moment. This really... I mean... Great moment. Then, in the moment right after that, I realized what a huge mistake it was to break up with her. I'm... I'm actually going to leave now. Morgan: No. Hey, quick question. It's cool if anna comes to thanksgiving dinner, right? Chuck: Yeah. Of course. I mean, you know how Ellie loves big thanksgiving dinners. Morgan: See? Anna: Is Ellie going to be there? Morgan: Well, yes, because Chuck lives at Ellie's apartment. Anna: I know that. Morgan: And she kind of makes all my favorite dishes. You know, like, stuffing with apple chips, and sweet potatoes with marshmallows. Anna: And I know that, too. Chuck: I'm sorry. Is there a problem? Anna: Not yet. Morgan: She... Scares the crap out of me. Chuck: What is that about? Morgan: She's got this crazy idea that i'm in love with Ellie. Chuck: 'Cause you are. Morgan: Why does everybody know that? Chuck; Because that's what you tell everybody. Morgan: I don't know what to do, man. I'm... I'm... I'm in love with two women. Big Mike: Bartowski! Grimes! Does no tang mean no work? Bartowski, round up your team. Grimes stay close. Some of you are new, so listen up! Tomorrow is thanksgiving. Do any of you know what happens after thanksgiving? Jeff: The tryptophan wears off, ? And it's time for the liquor to kick in? No, I'm talking about black friday, people-- the biggest shopping day of the year, when regular housewives transform into a crazy mob blinded by door prizes, sales, and the urge to get the christmas shopping done early. On friday, I'm reassigning you nerds to crowd control. Be here tomorrow for training. Chuck: Tomorrow is thanksgiving, so wouldn't we, as a store, be closed? Big Mike: You got a key. Work it out. Grimes, you know the drill. Get these geeks trained and ready for action. Morgan: Yes, sir. Hey, relax, Chuck. Things are, uh... Things are looking up for you. Chuck: Really? Morgan: Oh, yeah. Chuck: And how would that be? Morgan: Turn on your heart light, buddy. Let it glow. Chuck: I don't... I don't want to play Beckman here, but if you don't start answering my calls, then super secret spy resource Chuck Bartowski does kind of go to waste. Sarah: Did you flash on something; Chuck; No. No, I was... I was calling about other stuff. You didn't happen to listen to my messages? Sarah: Chuck, we have to talk. Chuck: No. Wait. Can I say something first? Sarah: No. Chuck... Chuck: It's the kiss, right? It is. It's got to be the kiss. First of all, I know that the moment was very life-or-deathish. And, normally, I would run from a situation like that. You, on the other hand... You, um... You... You kissed me, which was just... But the thing... The thing is that I'd like to talk about, is I'd like to invite you to thanksgiving dinner, but we need a cover for that, so really, what I'm trying to ask you is, uh... Are we back together? Sarah: Chuck, Bryce is alive. Chuck: Sarah, you told me Bryce was dad. I read his obituary. We went to his funeral. How is this possible? Sarah: We don't know, Chuck. He won't talk to our people. Chuck: Not even you? Casey: He hasn't seen either of us. Chuck: Why? Casey: Because he asked for you. We want to know what happened to him. We think he'll talk to you. Chuck: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Hold on a second. Well... You want me to go in there and ask him what exactly? Just so we're on the same page. "Hey, Bryce, why did you send me the intersect? Why did you choose my life to ruin?" How exactly do I start that conversation? Sarah: Just talk to him, okay? Be a friend, you're good at that. Casey: Remember, he's rogue CIA, trained assassin... So be careful. Chuck: Thanks. Bryce: Who are you? Chuck: Hey. Hey, Bryce, buddy. It's me... Chuck. Bryce: I don't believe you. What did you do with the real Chuck? Chuck: I'd like to come out now please. Casey: Natural born interrogator, huh? Chuck: Fantastic. All right, well... Unless we're in the twilight zone right now, and there really is another Chuck and I'm his clone, the answer to your question is-- yes, I am Chuck. Bryce: Prove it. Tlingan khol da-jatl-a? Chuck; Oh, come on, they're watching us right now. Bryce: Do it. Chuck: Khi-ja. Bi-piv-kha-low. Casey: What the hell? Bryce: Your klingon's a bit rusty, Chuck. Chuck; Yeah, I've been kind of busy lately... Ever since I got your e-mail. Bryce: You opened it, didn't you? Chuck: Yeah, I did. Bryce: Your computer? Chuck: Destroyed. Bryce: So you're the only one. Chuck: I don 't get it, Bryce. Why'd you do it? Why'd you send me the intersect? Then, why did you destroy it? And last up: how the hell are you still alive? Bryce: It's complicated. Chuck: Who saved you? Bryce: They did. Chuck: They saved you? Did they? Could you be any more cryptic? Can I get a name, a place, a something? Bryce: Come here. Casey: Don't do that. Bryce: I'm sorry, Chuck. Untie me! Untie... Sarah: Okay... Hey! Bryce! No! Bryce: Sarah, what are you doing here? Hello, Casey. Care to try again? Chuck. S01E10 Sarah: Stand down! Don't do this, Bryce. We're all on the same side here. Bryce: What side is that? Casey: I've got a sht. Chuck: No, you don't. Casey: You'll be fine. Chuck: No shting! No shting! I'm susceptible to bllts. Bryce: The access code! I'll kll him, Sarah! Chuck: Between you and me, I think he means it. Sarah: Five-one-six-zero-two. Chuck: Sarah? Bryce: You knew I wouldn't do it, right? Chuck: No! No, I did not know that. How would I know that, Bryce? What are you trying to do? Bryce: What's Sarah doing here? She's protecting me, okay. And so is Casey. We're the good guys. Look, you need to stop this right now, before someone, namely me, gets hurt. Bryce: Too soon. We're slowing down. Chuck: We don't have to do the whole thing. Tommy: Wait, don't, don't... Stop this elevator... Bryce. Who's your friend? Bryce: You step back. Tommy: Okay. I wouldn't want you to kll some random person. I'd feel just terrible. Bryce: Tell your people that I'm gone. Tommy: This is your chance, Bryce. This is me being reasonable. Let's go. Let's be friends again. Bryce: We were never friends. Tommy: Ouch. Now my feelings are hurt. You're gonna run, aren't you? Good. Chuck: Who was that? Bryce: Nobody. Chuck; What's fulcrum? Bryce: Where did you hear that? Chuck: The intersect. I have these flashes. Bryce: I was right-- you can remember its intel. Is it always that fast? Chuck: What is fulcrum, Bryce? Who are they and how do they know you? Bryce: This is my stop. Chuck; No, no, no, no. No, no, wait! I have questions, I have millions of questions. Bryce: Chuck, this is gonna sting a little. Tell Sarah... It's hard to say good-bye. Sarah: Chuck. Hey, Chuck. Chuck: Not pretty! Ugly! Sarah: It wasn't a full dose. It'll be out of your system in a few hours. Chuck: Thanks. Sarah: I think I can handle it from here. Chuck: So, are you and Casey gonna go after Bryce? Sarah: No. Bryce is probably halfway around the world by now. It's someone else's job to find him. Chuck: Sarah, this is Bryce larkin we're talking about here-- your old flame, my old nemesis. We have to do something. Sarah: We each have our own assignment. Chuck: Right. And I'm yours, so what... What does this mean... For us? Sarah: Nothing. You're protected. Chuck: No. For us. Our fake relationship-- I mean, you and Bryce were... You're really not making this easy. Hey. Hey, sis. Ellie: Oh, hi. Hey. Hey, Sarah. Sarah; It's good to see you. Ellie: You, too. Are you coming to thanksgiving? Sarah: Of course. Morgan: On black friday, it comes down to us. Crowd control. Okay? Little test here. Jeff, emergency in sector two-- move! Nice work, jeff, nice work. Lester, converge on jeff's position. Sector one. Move now. Go! People's lives are at stake here, man. Good hustle, les. Anna, we cannot lose the doors, okay? If we lose the doors, we've lost the battle. Got it? All right. You look beautiful today, by the way. Chuck! Chuck: Yes, Morgan, yes, I'm right here. Morgan: Hey, pal, yeah, listen, everybody's moving way too slow. If they don't shape up, if we lose control of the store, we are gonna have a pineapple situation. Lester: What's a pineapple situation? Morgan: Never say that word. Lester: You just... Chuck: It's a black swan. x It's an impossible event that changes everything. In case something terrible happens-- nuclear strike, earthquake- anyone of us could initiate a full buy more evacuation by uttering one word. Morgan: Pineapple. The word that cannot be spoken. Lester: I really just want to say "pineapple. Jeff: pineapples are fun-- my dad used to throw them at me. Pineapple. Pineapple. Morgan: Seriously? Wow. What's the matter? Who is it? Chuck: Oh, it's Ellie. She's in thanksgiving panic mode. I got to stop by the store. See you kids later. Later. Morgan; Oh, you got to be kidding me. Chuck, where you... Come on, dude, what about bl... What about black friday? Okay. Captain: Chuck, get ready for some turkey. Chuck: What are you doing here? Casey: Well, your sister invited me to dinner. Chuck: Really? Casey; Thanks. Ellie; Did you find everything? Chuck: Yeah, i-i did. Yeah, but I need to talk to you... I need to talk to you about something later, later. Chuck; Um, hey, Casey: hey. Chuck: Sorry. Uh, I have a question for you. Um, what-what do you think Bryce meant when he said, "Casey, care to... Care to try again?" 'cause call me crazy, but I got the weirdest feeling like it was you who kll him. Good guess. Chuck: Are you ser... Does Sarah know about that? Casey: It's in my report. Chuck: Why would you... Do that? Why did you kll Bryce? x Casey: Orders. Your old nemesis is a very dangerous human being, Chuck. You get a chance to sht Bryce larkin, you sht to kll. Captain awesome: Guys, no shop talk tonight. We got a bird to eat. Hey, john, can you help me stuff this monster? Casey: Cosmo? Ellie: Thank you, john. He's so sweet. Captain: Lice honey. Chuck: Uh, sis, Morgan is bringing somebody tonight. Ellie: Like, a real someone or an imaginary someone? Chuck: Uh, real, actually, very real, and she's very nice. And, you.. "she"? You said "she." Chuck: Yes. Yes. Anna. x Morgan's girlfriend. Chuck: There could be a little issue, though, because she knows about you and Morgan. Ellie: What are you talking about? Chuck; Just remember, it's not my fault. Ah, hello, Sarah and my other friends! Welcome to thanksgiving. Ellie: Oh, thank you. They're beautiful. devon's inside. Morgan: Ellie! So, uh, this is anna, my... Anna: Girlfriend. x Morgan: Right. Anna: And this is my green bean casserole. ♪♪♪♪ ♪♪♪♪ Ellie: It's good to meet you, finally. Yeah. Yeah, Chuck just told me about you and Morgan. I'm so happy. Anna: Hussy. Morgan: I am in heaven. This is so good. It's so good. Glad you like. x Morgan: Amazing. Chuck: Do you, uh, usually do thanksgiving? Sarah: Uh, not recently. Morgan: Oh, man. Okay, you know what I want for my second plate? I need critical side dish number two. Ellie: There you go. Morgan: Thank you. There's no marshmallows on my sweet potatoes. Anna: It's Morgan's favorite number two side dish. Ellie: I'm sorry, I must have forgot. Anna: Thanksgiving is ruined. Chuck: No, no. Wait( that's my bad, because I did pick them up-- they're in the herder. I'll be right back. Ellie; Don't be too long. How's everything? Captain: Good? x It's good. Bryce: Hello, Chuck. Chuck; Sarah and Casey are right inside. One girlish scream from me, and they go into combat mode. ♪♪♪ Bryce: This your place? Chuck: Ellie and I live here, yeah. Bryce: You... Live with your sister? What happened? Chuck, what happened to you? Guy who wanted to be the software billionaire-- bill gates with style. Chuck; You got me kicked out of stanford, Bryce. Bryce: I need to talk to Sarah. Can you bring her to me, without Casey? Chuck; Why would I help you? Bryce;,Because of fulcrum. That guy in the elevator, Íhe works for them. And they want the intersect, Chuck. ????????? Morgan: Oh, thank god the marshmallows are back? Thank you. Anna: I made this for you. Morgan: Thank you, thank you. Anna: Everything okay? Morgan: Yeah, everything's... Great. x Anna: Do you like it? Morgan: Very much. It's devastating. Devastatingly good. Anna: Does anyone else want some? All: no, thank you. - Jo, fine. We're good. Captain: Nice and tight, john. I'm impressed. You work out? Casey: Yeah, work keeps me in shape. Captain: How many calories do you think you're going to burn at the buy more, john? Chuck: Bryce larkin is in my bedroom. Captain: You look like a guy who needs an adventure. Two words: water sports. Sarah: ãExcuse me. Captain; Sweetheart, is that um, tartar sauce? Bryce: You're getting rusty. Sarah: Bryce, I have a gn do I need to use it? Bryce: I'm unarmed. And I'm sorry. Captain: Two dudes, one raft, whitewater rapids. I got some brochures I gave to Chuck. Hey, chuckles, is those rafting brochures still in your room? Chuck; What? Captain: Don't worry about it. I'll get 'em. x Chuck: No, no, no, no. No, I'll... I'll get 'em. Please. You guys keep, you know, talk... Talk. Sarah: Why shouldn't I arrest you right now? Bryce: Because I'm not a rogue spy. Because intersect was a mission. Because, Sarah... You're still in love with me. Captain: So, thanksgiving-- we're all supposed to say what we're thankful for. I'll start. I am thankful that I am here with the most beautiful woman in the world, Ellie Bartowski. Morgan: Good call. Anna: Morgan. Morgan: Uh, uh, right. Ellie: That's sweet, honey. I am thankful for my family and my friends. Casey: I-i-i pass. Captain: Chuck. Chuck: I'm thankful that Bryce larkin is dad and is not currently with my new girlfriend. Excuse me, please. Morgan: Wow, buddy, that was, um, really... Dark. Captain: And specific. Sarah: Well, you've still got it. Bryce: This isn't a play, Sarah-- I need your help. Sarah: Please don't run. Casey, everything is under control. Chuck, are you okay? Chuck: Okay, I might have made a mistake. Casey: Nice work, CIA. Chuck: Hey. No gn at thanksgiving. Ellie: It's not thanksgiving without sweet potatoes covered in marshmallows. Morgan: Okay, Ellie, I got to tell you right now, I am getting really excited. Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, my god. Oh, my god! So good. Ellie: Good? Morgan: So good. Oh, my god! Anna: Fine, Ellie! You can have him. Morgan: What's the matter, baby? Seriously? I'll go see. Honey, hold on a second. Ellie: Honey, no more family dinners, okay Captain: what do you think about a destination Christmas? Morgan: Anna banana, come here. Anna: Leave me alone, Morgan! Casey: Come on. He's gone. Call it in from my place. I'll check out back. Sarah: How did Casey find out? Chuck: I made a rash decision. Sarah: You saw Bryce kiss me, didn't you? Chuck: I guess this means we're not getting back together. Sarah, why is someone in Casey's apartment? Sarah: Put it down, Bryce. Chuck: Sarah. Close the door, Chuck. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm closing the door. I'm closing the door. I'm walking into the apartment. Please, do not sh*t me. Bryce: I need you to listen to me. Sarah: Put it down, Bryce. Bryce; The intersect was a mission. I was recruited by an outfit called fulcrum, a special access group inside the CIA. Sarah: You're lying. We would know that. Bryce: They knew who I was, my activation codes, my record. They ordered me to shed my agency contacts and go deep. Only then did I realize it was an internal strike to download and destroy the intersect. Fulcrum had plans for its intel. Sarah: How can I trust you, Bryce? Bryce: I didn't mean to hurt you, Sarah. I didn't know who to trust. Sarah; Why Chuck? Chuck: Yeah, why Chuck? Bryce: I needed a friend who wasn't a spy. He wouldn't know anything about fulcrum, or the intersect, or sand wall. Chuck: Sand wall. Sand wall. That was the name of the mission. Sarah, I think he's telling the truth. Sarah: Did you flash? Chuck: Yeah. Bryce: I'm not rogue. Sarah; Casey, no! Chuck; Casey, no! ♪ Casey: Bryce! Bryce... ♪♪♪♪ Sarah: Casey, no. Chuck flashed. Bryce isn't rogue. Bryce: You should aim for the head next time, Casey. Chuck: Hey, I'm o... I'm okay. I'm fine. Just, you know, me. Intersect guy. x I don't get it, Bryce. How are you alive? Bryce: I don't know how they did it, if that's what you're asking. They probably used one of the european clinics. I don't remember it. Sarah: But you know why they did it. Bryce: Yeah. Casey: Well, should I pop some popcorn or bat the answer out of you? Bryce; No thanks. I'll talk. Casey: Darn it. Bryce: You know the first part already. I downloaded the intersect intel and blew up the computer. Raced out of the dni. Then, I ran into you, Casey. So I'm on the ground. No white light, just Casey staring down at me. They brought me back, but they weren't trying to save me. No, this was a fulcrum team. They wanted something. Tommy: Bryce. Where are they? Where are the intersect files? Tell me, Bryce. What happened to the intersect? Tell me, or I'll let you die again. Bryce: I saw... I saw them. They're in me. Tommy: Save him. Whatever it takes, save him. Chuck; Fulcrum thinks you're the intersect. Bryce: They brought me back to take it out of me. That's why I need your help. Casey: We're going to help you? Bryce: I need to turn myself in to the CIA, but fulcrum has operatives in every agency. I need to know that I'm being handed over to the real CIA. Chuck: I can do that. I can do that. I, I can be there at the transfer if I flash on whoever they send, they're fulcrum. If not... Sarah: You're on your way home. It should work. Smart, Chuck. They still need a place where the transfer can go down, public place, lot of people. Public spot... Lots of witnesses. Chuck: I know a place. (customers clamoring Big Mike: okay, listen up. In three minutes, we let those animals in. If this was a zoo, I'd say run for your lives, but this is buy more. For those days where you did squat, this is where you make up for it. Don't let me down. This is the single most important day of our year. And my door is locked. Don't even think about knocking. Anna: Take one. Take only one. Morgan: Hey, are we talking? Anna, what happened last. Right? x Anna: It was a test, Morgan. And you failed. Morgan: Well, why are there tests? Anna: No, take only one! Take only one. No, take only one. Chuck: So, appliances are over there... All right? And electronics, you're already here. Sarah: We're entering the store. The CIA pickup should be here in two minutes. Customer: Excuse me, I'm just looking for camera bags. Chuck: Cameras. Cameras are just over here. So if you want to look... Bryce: Do I know you? Morgan: Wow, dude. No, I'm sorry, man. You... You look just like this guy my best friend used to go to stanford with. Bryce: Uh, sorry, i-i went to penn. Um... I'll take it as a compliment. Morgan: Well, you shouldn't actually, 'cause this guy Bryce was a real douche. You know, he got my buddy Chuck kicked out of stanford. He ruined his life. I don't know why he did it to the nicest guy in the world. You know? Anywho, happy holidays. Anna: Jeff and lester. They can't do it. They're hiding. Sarah; The CIA pickup is here. Chuck, do your pass. x Chuck: Welcome to buy more. Nothing happened. Nothing happened. There were no flashes, so the CIA guys are legit. Morgan: What are you guys doing? Lester: Dude, it is not safe out there. Jeff: Someone touched me. Morgan: I don't care. You both have jobs to do. Big Mike: Morgan, registers are down. I need jeff up there to fix them. Morgan: All right. I'm on it, boss. x Jeff, the registers are down. Jeff: I can't do it, man. Morgan: Dude, you have to. You're the only guy old enough to understand how the register work. Okay? They're from the '80s. Jeff: I can't. Morgan: Listen to me. You're scared. I'm scared. We're all scared, but the store is depending on you. If people can't check out, people can't leave. People can't leave, more people will fill in. If more people fill in, jeff... Jeff: The store will explode. Morgan: The store will explode! Jeff: I got to get 'em here! Lester: No, jeff!No! No!It's a trick! Chuck: Excuse me, sir, can I help you? Bryce: Yes, thank you. These hd screens almost look like the real thing. Chuck: Yeah, they do, huh? Bryce: You know, I didn't maan to offend you, last night. About living with your sister. Sarah told me about your team, what you've done together. Chuck: And you're still the superspy, right? Bryce: It's nothing. I got one friend in this world. You got a home and a store full of them. Chuck: So what happens now, Bryce? You just disappear all over again? Bryce: That's what I do well. Thanks, Chuck. For everything. Chuck: Yeah. You're welcome. Sarah: I'm taking him in, Chuck. You stay here. Chuck: Right. Stay in the store, Chuck. Bryce: Are we good? Sarah:Yeah, we're clear. Bryce: No. Us. Sarah: I thought you were dad, Bryce. Bryce: Come back with me. Sarah: I have my assignment. Bryce: You were never good at this... The saying your feelings part. Sarah: Well, I don't like to talk much. Tommy; Excuse me, can I get some service? You're charles Bartowski, aren't you? We met the other day. Chuck: Did we? So how, how can I, uh... How can I help you? Tommy: I'm looking for a computer. You might be familiar with this one. The intersect ???? You don't seem to understand the situation, charles. You think that all these witnesses are a guarantee that nothing's gonna happen to you? You couldn't be more wrong. Chuck: I, I am so slammed right now. It's really busy. So I should probably get back to work. Tommy: My men intercepted Bryce Larkin And Sarah walker five minutes ago. I have seven trained kll stationed throughout the store. If you look over there... You can also see that my men have neutralized Mr. Casey. See, here's the thing, Charles. Nothing stops me from fulfilling my orders-- innocents... Civilians. If you make me, I'll execute every last person in this place. Agent: It's done. Yeah, we'll need about two minutes to groom the area. Bryce: Where is he? Sarah: Who? Bryce: Their boss, tommy. Jeff: Chuck. Chuck, the registers are down. I can't get them back up. What should I do? Tommy; You say more than one word and I'll kll him right here. Chuck: Pineapple. Tommy: Let's go. Jeff; Pineapple. Morgan: Hey, dude, don't say that word, okay? It doesn't have any meaning if you keep joking with it, okay? Jeff:,No, I didn't say it. Chuck did. Morgan: Chuck? . Jeff: Chuck. Morgan: Ladies and gentlemen, we have an emergency. I need everyone to leave the store in an orderly fashion. Anna, pineapple. Big Mike: Grimes. ♪ it's a mistake! Hey, hey, no! The store's not on fre! Morgan: I got you. I got you. Anna: Morgan, what are you doing? Put me down. Morgan: I will not put you down. Anna: Morgan, put me down. Casey: Code black. Hostiles in the buy more. I need a containment team right away. Chuck: Are you kidding me? Some kid could find this. Casey; Lock the doors. Stay down, Chuck. This is when the shting starts. Chuck: Right... Right now? They really are great. Casey: Come on, Chuck, let's go. Chuck: I'm really getting sick and tired of being pulled around by you all the time. Sarah: Where's Chuck? Tommy: Over here. Sarah: Let him go... Now. Tommy: Does this look like my first time? Chuck: Isn't it somebody else's turn to be the human shield? Tommy: Stay there, Bryce. Bryce; You all right, Chuck? Chuck: Does it look like I'm all right? Bryce: I need to ask you something. Chuck; sht. Not you, please. Bryce: Khi-ja? Chuck; Khi-ja? Gho-be? Khi-ja. Bryce: Sorry, Chuck. Casey: Hi. Sarah: What did you say to him? Bryce: Ask him. Sarah: Hey, Chuck. Chuck, come on, wake up. Come on, hey. Chuck: Khi-ja... Khi-ja. Yes. Yes... I am wearing a vest. That stings a little bit. Seriously, that is... Not fair to not tell someone how much a bulletproof vest still hurts. ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪ Casey: Hey, stand down. He's one of us. let's go. Lester: Dude... Why'd you just carry anna out? She could have just walked, no? Morgan: Sorry about that. Anna: Morgan, you passed. Morgan: I passed? Big Mike: Grimes! You just ruined the most important shopping day of the year. For what? For what? Do you know what you are, grimes? Morgan: No. What? Firefighter: There was a gas leak in the store. Mike: Gas? Firefighter: Yes, sir. And whoever evacuated probably saved a lot of people. It will take us a few hours to clean all this up, so we'd appreciate if you'd keep everybody out of here until we give you the say-so. Morgan: Is it straight? Does it look good? Chuck: What are we going to do? Casey; Relax, Chuck. These are NSA cleaners. They'll have the buy more back to normal in a jiffy. Chuck: What's happening with Bryce? Sarah: He's in there giving his report to general Beckman. Bryce: It would appear, I have a new assignment. Chuck: As a maitre d'? Bryce; Actually, it's a consulate dinner. They want me to go after fulcrum-- on my own, off the radar. Casey: Sounds like heaven. Bryce: That means Bryce larkin is d*ad. And he's going to stay that way this time. Good-bye, Chuck. Chuck; This is so weird. Where you going to go? Who you going to be? Bryce: Sorry, not even you can know. Sarah... We'll always have omaha. Chuck: Hey. Casey: What? Chuck; Um, we have some turkey leftovers. Actually, we have a lot of turkey left over, so I was wondering if I could interest you in some sandwiches or something. Casey: Thanks, but work to do. Chuck: Right. Right, okay then. Hey, Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey. Casey: Yeah? Chuck: Sorry. What did Bryce mean by omaha? Outside of it being some weird casablanca reference? Casey: Probably a code. Contact point of some sort. Chuck: Okay, why would Sarah need that? Casey: Bryce is going deep, Chuck. No messages out. If Sarah wants to join up with him she has to do it now. Chuck: Sarah's leaving? Casey: Don't worry, Chuck. When Sarah's gone, we'll get you a new girl. Morgan: Oh, man... This is great, right? Two buddies, a couple cold turkey sandwiches and all the mayo you could want. You all right?	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x10 - Chuck Versus the Nemesis"}	foreverdreaming
Chuck: Hi, I'm Chuck. Here's a few things that you might need to know.[/i] It was nice knowing you. Sarah: Oh, my God. Bryce. Chuck: How the hell are you still alive? Bryce: It's complicated. You're still in love with me. Chuck: I guess this means we're not getting back together. Bryce: We'll always have Omaha. Chuck: what did Bryce mean by omaha? Casey: Probably a code. Contact point of some sort. Bryce is going deep, Chuck. No calls home, no messages out. If Sarah wants to join up with him, she has to do it now. Green shirt guy; What... what is that? What's that wiggly thing? Green shirt guy: What did I even bet on? Lester: Gimel! I win. Green shirt guy; Aw... You sure? Lester: Yes. Yes. Gimel beats high. Pay up, buddy. Anna: I thought high was the best. Lester: Yes, I know you think so, but, Anna, this is the Parcheesi of my people, all right? Don't question my spirituality. Now hand over the cash. I apologize... Casey; Decided to take up bird watching? Chuck: Just breathing in the view. I know that grunt. Yeah, that's the number seven, right? Skeptical with a side of cynicism. Casey: Just clearing my throat. Also couldn't help but notice, Agent Walker's car isn't in her usual spot. Chuck: Oh... I didn't, uh... It's weird, I didn't even notice. I didn't even see that, at all. Fine. Maybe I did. So, have you talked to Sarah lately? Casey: Agent Walker and I don't do a lot of fraternizing off hours. Guess we'll just have to see. Chuck: See... See what... what-what... See what? Casey: See if she's had enough of the good life here with you. See if she's hightailed it to wherever your buddy Bryce is hiding himself. Chuck; Is that, uh, is that an option? Casey: Oh, don't worry. I hear there's a great selection of new handlers in this year's CIA Christmas catalogue. Chuck; Are there? Thanks a lot. Morgan: She's a liar, not to be trusted. Chuck: What's that? Morgan: Women. Man, they're so elusive, so unknowable. Okay, they wrap you in this wool sweater of lies and it keeps you warm, but it makes your neck all itchy. Chuck: Who-Who are we talking about exactly? Morgan; Anna. And by the way, never trust a woman whose name is a palindrome, okay? Chuck: Uh, how do you know she's a liar? Morgan: I waited outside her house last night, in the bushes. I saw her get picked up to go out, then dropped off exactly three hours and 24 minutes later. She's cheating on me. My Anna Banana is cheating on me. Chuck; In the bushes? Morgan: I brought a sandwich. Chuck: Oh... Morgan: Listen, she's lying to me, okay? And a relationship is built on trust, Chuck. Sex and trust, am I right? Chuck: Yeah, yeah-- two big prerequisites, I guess. Morgan: What's cool is you and Sarah are so pure and simple, you know? You ever wish you were born like a dog or a dolphin? Or Dr. Dre? Who's cheating on Dre, man? Lester: Chuckster. Uh, we got an install job over at Marina Del Rey. Chuck: Okay. Well, go with God, fellas. Lester; No, no, no. Big Mike says you have to come with us, 'cause you know that Jeff's not to be left unsupervised around the holidays. Jeff: Do you want to try my eggnog? Chuck: No. Morgan; I'm sorry, fellas. Is it okay if you guys go by yourself, okay? 'Cause... Anna's cheating on me. Lester: Ouch. Who's the lucky guy? Jeff: Maybe it's not another guy. Chuck: Okay, let's strap on our life jackets and ht the Marina. Lester: See, that's why I've sworn off women. How'd you like to be that guy right now, all heartbroken over a lady? Jeff: Bitches ain't nothing but tricks and hos. Lester: You said it, bubeleh. Chuck; Okay. Well, the system checks out and everything's on line. Most onboard functions are now controllable from anywhere on the boat. Lester: Nice ship. It reminds me of the Pacific Princess. Ship manager: I'm not familiar. Lester: Oh, really? Chuck: The LoveBoat--[/i] he's referring to The LoveBoat. Lester: Shh! Chuck, please! Jeff: You got a head on board? I've had a lot of eggnog. Chuck: Yeah, which you should've left at home, Jeff. You know, not every boat you get on is a booze cruise, buddy. Ship Manager: The bathroom is not in there. Nobody downstairs! Chuck; No, Jeff, wait... Hey! back, jeff, no. Jeff: Whoa! Jackpot! Ship manager: Please, get out. Get out! Go! Go! Go! Watch this step. Watch the what? Oh. Lester: What's with all the cash? Ship manager; Move. Lester: Easy, sister... Ship manager: I'm not your sister. They're counting money raised for Mr. Kirk's aid organization, from a charity event. Lester: Kirk? As in the captain? Ship manager: Lon Kirk, the man who owns this boat. Chuck: Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lon Kirk-- he's a billionaire. He owns a country somewhere, or something, right? Jeff: Incoming. Lester: Oh... Ladies, I'm getting my sea legs. Chuck: Okay, Jeff, Lester, I think, uh, we should go now. Sir, you dropped this... They're fake. Jeff; Whatever. So is Cool Whip. Ahoy hoy. CHUCK 111 Director Graham: The serial numbers that Chuck flashed on are a strain of counterfeit currency that Treasury has been trying to crack for years. But perhaps we should wait to debrief you until Agent Walker arrives. Director Beckman: Yes. Where is Agent Walker? Casey: Uh, ma'am, Agent Walker is currently... Chuck: She, uh... Agent Walker is currently suffering from a spastic colon, which acts up on her own from time to time, so... Beckman: She has no history of that. Perhaps we should reschedule when Agent Walker is feeling better. Sarah: I'm fine. I'm sorry I'm late. Carry on. Graham: As we were saying... Lon Kirk now devotes most of his time and money to aid projects, mostly foreign. Casey: And we think he's the source? Graham: Not confirmed. However, we have intel that a major counterfeiter is in Los Angeles trying to acquire a new set of printing plates. Casey: And how shall we proceed? Beckman: As far as Kirk is concerned, very cautiously. He's very well connected. He's hosting a charity event tonight at the New Constellation Yacht Club. Sarah and Chuck will go as guests. Casey as staff. Casey: One question: Will Chuck and Sarah be going as a couple? Beckman: Unless they have a problem. Chuck; No problem. Sarah; No problem. Beckman: Good luck then. Chuck: Hey, hey, Sarah. Wait. Sarah: What's up? Chuck: Um... Nothing. Nothing, really. Just, you know, good to, good to see you. Thought you'd be halfway to Bryce by now. Sarah: Why would you think that? Chuck; I don't know, 'cause... he offers a pretty exciting life, I guess, sipping Mai Tai's in Jakarta, or... or... assassinating Afghani warlords, or whatever it is that you kids do for fun. Sarah; I'm here because I have a job to do. Chuck: Right. Right. Of course, the job. I better, uh, I better get going as well. I gotta punch in. Chuck: Sarah? Sarah: Yeah? Chuck: Should we, should we carpool on our date tonight? Sarah: Be at my place at 8:00. Big Mike: For those of you who are unaware, this Friday is our annual Buy More Christmas... Lester: Hup! Big Mike: ... holiday party, with respect to our Hebrew friends and whatever else we have here. So there's no confusion, I'll go over the ground rules. Rule number one: Jeff, no spiking the eggnog. Jeff: Can I bring my own? Big Mike; No! Rule number two: Jeff, no holding the mistletoe over the women and copping a feel. Chuck: Uh, sir, hopefully, if Jeff follows rule number one-- which I'm sure... he might do-- uh, then rule number two won't apply. Big Mike: Good point. Okay, who's bringing eats? Lester; Uh, I'll be making latkes. Big Mike: What's that? Lester: Um, the traditional Jewish pancake. Big Mike: They got 'tater in them? Lester: Yes. Big Mike: They fried? Lester: They are, sir. Big Mike: Good. Meeting adjourned! Lester: We got to find out how to make latkes. Anna: Hey, there you are. You missed the meeting. Morgan; Jeff has to stay sober and he can't grope women. I know the drill. Anna: Okay. If you don't tell me what's up, I'm going to tickle you until you pee. Morgan; Please... I don't, I don't want... Cut it out. Stop it. I know, okay. You weren't home last night, Anna. You went out. I was in the bushes at a stakeout with my iPod and corn beef. Yeah, I know, it's a little weird, okay? But I saw you get picked up. I'm not an idiot, all right? At least, not when it comes to this. Anna: I'm sorry, Morgan. I did lie. Morgan: Oh, my God... I think I'm going to be nauseous. Anna: But I'm not seeing someone else. Morgan: Please, I saw you get into the guy's German luxury sedan. It's bad enough that you're cheating, but did it have to be with someone so successful? Anna: Morgan... my parents are in town. That was my dad's car. Morgan; Wait a minute, I thought your parents lived in Taiwan. Anna:They do... mostly. They're just in town with a bunch of Taiwanese government muckety-mucks for a charity thing in L.A. Morgan: Well, then, I'd like to meet your parents, all right? And I think if you're serious about this relationship, you should want me to meet them, too. Anna: Okay. Morgan: Okay. Casey: Hey! Chuck: Would you stop sneaking up on me like that? This is a retail store, okay, buddy, not Tora Bora. Casey: Oh, Sarah's got you all up in a tizzy. Flush out your headgear, new guy. We both know the Intersect needs as much room up there as we can get. Chuck; Okay, look, nothing is going on, okay? Casey: Better not be. I need your "A" game tonight. Stay sharp. Morgan: Dude, I think I need your help here. I think I made a horrible mistake. Chuck: What did you swallow this time? Morgan: No, no, it's worse. Worse. Anna's parents are in town, right? So I tell her, "Hey, I'd like to meet them. " So she goes, "Okay. " Are you kidding me? What was I thinking? My own parents don't even like me. We're similar. Chuck: Morgan, Morgan, relax, buddy. It's going to be fine. Just be yourself. That's what Anna likes, right? So will her parents. Morgan: Yeah. Right, you're right; that's what I'm going to do. Lester: Are you insane? You can't be yourself. You have to be better than yourself. By, like, a factor of ten. Jeff: Or eleven. Morgan: I got to take it up a notch. I got to step it up. Who should I be? Lester: Last I checked, there were over, like, six billion people on the planet. Pick anyone. Should be an improvement. Chuck: lester, you shut up. Morgan, You, relax. You're going to be fine. Morgan: Be myself. Rock and roll. I'm going to make a fool of myself. Sarah: It's open! Chuck: Not a morning person, I see. Sarah: Well, it depends on the morning. So we're clear on everything? Eyes and ears on anything that can trigger a flash. Our cover is that we're a couple, you're... Chuck; Charles Carmichael. Yeah, I got it. It should be pretty fun, right? Sarah; It's work. Chuck: That's okay. I got it. Sarah: Okay, well, uh... ready to go to work? Chuck: If you're expecting me to ht the tables tonight, I'm gonna need a no-interest spy loan or something like that. You'd be shocked what a government super-computer pays these days. Sarah: The CIA staked us. You have a hundred. Chuck: Oh, well, that's ample. Sarah: Since when do you drink martinis? Chuck: Oh, oh, I don't, no. But Carmichael loves them. Sarah: There he is. Let's go. Chuck: Ah! Roulette, eh? My favorite game aside from "Call of Duty. " Chips, please. 100, sir. Casey: Good luck. Don't lose it. Lon Kirk: I don't believe we've met before. I'm Lon Kirk. I'm the host of this evening's event. I know the people of Taiwan are deeply appreciative of your generosity. Chuck: Oh, well, cheers. The name's Carmichael. Charles Carmichael. Kirk; Pleasure, and your stunning... companion? Sarah; Sarah Walker. Kirk: Pleasure. Sarah: May I ask, Mr. Kirk... Kirk: Lon, please. Sarah: Lon, I was wondering how you came to focus your charitable efforts on Taiwan. Kirk: Well, I started doing business there, and I just fell in love with the people-- their indefatigable spirit-- and I said to myself... Three and nine, please. Yes, sir. I said to myself, "Lon, you can help. " Sarah: That's wonderful. Kirk: And I always bet on red because it reminds me of all the pain and suffering in the world. Sarah: How noble. Casey: Any other bets? Sarah; Mm-hmm! Chuck; Mm-hmm. I'm in. All of it. "Always bet on black. " Wesley Snipes, Passenger 57. Not a great film, granted. Casey: You sure you want to risk it all, sir? You might want to reconsider. Doesn't seem prudent. Chuck: Prudent? I mean, here I thought we were gambling, right? Plus, if I lose it, it goes to charity anyway. So here's to losing, right? Cheers. Casey: Bets are in. $100, 000 on black. Chuck; What? ! $100, 000? Is that what you just said? Uh, no, no, no, no, wait, wait wait-- I didn't realize-- it's a normal bet for me, $100, 000. Come on, black. Black, black, black, black. Come on, honey, cheer for black. Casey: Three, red. Chuck: Do you guys do mulligans in roulette? Or any kind of a do-over? Is there, like, a thing... Kirk; If you'll excuse me. Chuck: Did you really just wink at him? Sarah: Did you really just lose $100, 000? Casey: Psst. Chuck: Kirk is talking to Rashan Chen. He's the Taiwanese Attaché\|to the Premier, he's dirty. They're using the charity as a front to launder counterfeit money. Sarah: Okay, something's wrong. I'm going to go over. Chuck, you stay at the table. Casey; We'll work on a payment plan later. Chuck; Can we. She's being a little obvious, don't you think? Casey: Relax, Chuck, she's just doing her job. Chuck: So, uh, what did, uh... what did you and Kirk talk about? Sarah: Uh, he invited me to his yacht tomorrow afternoon. Chuck: Okay, what time should I be ready? Sarah: No, just me. Chuck: Oh, just, just you. Alone on his yacht. Kind of disrespectful to your boyfriend, don't you think? Sarah: Chuck, Bryce is not my boyfriend. And even if he was, he'd understand this kind of work. Chuck: I meant Carmichael... actually. But don't worry, Carmichael's booked up tomorrow anyway. Very, very busy schedule, so... good luck and... good night. Nice car. Casey: Not just any car. It's a 1985 Crown Victoria. But, like a lady, she doesn't like it when I talk about her age. Chuck: I'm not really a car guy, so I don't really... Pretty, pretty shiny, though. Casey: Oh, yeah, she's shiny. 4. 6 V8 engine, hydra glide transmission, reupholstered the prisoner containment area. Even installed a state of the art GPS tracking system in the license plate. Can locate this baby anywhere in the world in less than a minute. Chuck; It's great. Th-that's really, Casey. Casey: Could buy ten more just like her with the money you pissed away on one spin last night. Chuck: I knew you weren't going to let that go. How did I know that? So what, exactly, is Sarah's mission on that guy's boat today? Casey: Get close to Lon Kirk. By any means necessary. Chuck: Wait, are... You're saying she's going to go down there and flirt with Lon Kirk alone? I mean, do you have any idea what kind of message that gives? Casey: Hmm... and I hear Agent Walker can be quite the giver. Morgan: Do me a favor and keep it up front. Mr Wu: So, Morgan... you work at Buy More? Morgan: Yes, sir. Yes, sir, that's correct. And Anna will tell you that I got the old nose to the grindstone. You know, not literally. Of course, because that would hurt. Mr Wu: And is that where you see yourself in say, five years? Morgan: That's a tough question. I could tell you where I don't want to see myself in five years: prison, or under house arrest. Do anything that involves a lot of chopping, deep knee bends. No nudity. Anna: Waiter... Cocktail. Morgan: Just generally try to keep my clothes on. You know, it's... Lester: Are you insane? You can't be yourself. You have to be better than yourself. Jeff: Are you guys having lobster? Could you bring back a doggie bag? All right, take it off, take it off. Morgan: Be better. Got to be better. Where am I from? Whew... Wow. Where are any of us really from? I myself hail from many fathers. Nietzsche, Sartre, Jor-El... Anna: He's... Encino. He's from Encino. Morgan: There I was... there I was, there... I... was... in the Congo. When you guys eat Chinese food do you get hungry a hour later, too? There she goes. You don't mind, do you, babe? You know who else famously smoked a pipe? Boyhood hero of mine. Yeah, yeah, quite the yachtsman himself. One Popeye the Sailor Man. Anyone? Huh? Will you guys excuse me... for one second? Thank you. Chuck; Hey, Morgan. Morgan : Yeah, hey, hey, dude, we got a possible situation here. I'm out lunching with Anna's Parents at some fancy yacht club in the Marina. Okay, when who do I see, but someone who resembles the future Mrs. Chuck Bartowski. All right, now she's getting lotioned up by some creepy Richard Branson meets Willem Dafoe- lookin' dude, right? And he is all over her, man. I mean, he is really greasing her and working up this lather. I mean, it's just, it's, uh, quite a scene over here. And, um, hey, listen, I got to go, man, lobster here. Chuck: Hey, oh, hey, hey, hey, hey! Don't sh*t. Put the gn down. You can have the jelly-filled doughnuts Casey: What are you doing here, Bartowski? Chuck: Thought you might be hungry, you know. Friend to friend kind of a thing. Where's Sarah? Casey: Oh, that's it. You think your girlfriend's stepping out on you. Agent Walker is fine and doing her job, see? Plus, we have a whole team here to back her up, okay? So you can bat it, Bartowski. Chuck: Oh, my God, they're going down. Casey: Chuck, What is it? Chuck: They're loading counterfeit plates onto the boat. They're hidden in crates marked as aid medicines. Casey: What? Chuck: Yeah, I just flashed on a crate they just brought onboard. That's why Kirk just brought Sarah below deck. Casey: This guy's important, Chuck. We can't be wrong. You sure? Chuck: I just flashed. I'm sure, okay? Casey: This is Casey. We're going in... Go. Federal agents. Nobody move! Kirk: Excuse me for a moment. Who are you people? Casey: NSA. Stay right there. Let us do our job. Kirk: Your job? Do you have any idea who I am? Casey: Open it. Kirk: That crate is a bonded humanitarian shipment certified by the United Nations. It's illegal for any of you to open it. Casey; Oh, I can make some phone calls. Hope you don't mind waiting. Kirk: Oh, I do, so we won't. Medical supplies. For the earthquake victims of Taiwan. I wanted to deliver it myself. We leave tomorrow. Now, if I could get your names and agency affiliations, I want to make sure that everybody is properly accounted for when I speak to your bosses' bosses later this evening. Sarah: Ellie or Awesome home? Chuck; No. They're at work. And hello to you, too. Sarah: What the hell happened today? Chuck: I-I don't know. I don't get it. I had a flash. Sarah: Right when I went below deck with Kirk. It's pretty convenient timing, I would say. Chuck: What are you talking about? Sarah: Just when you thought that I was getting intimate with Kirk, you decided to have a flash. Chuck: What exactly are you implying? That I faked the flash? That I'm a flash faker? Sarah: You know, I think we need to discuss the fact that you let your emotions get in the way today. Chuck: My emotions? Sarah: Things have been a little off since the incident, Chuck. Chuck: Really? And what incident are you referring to, Agent Walker, huh? Could it be the incident where you planted a kiss on me right before a bmb was supposed to go off, ending our lives? That same kiss right before your boyfriend, Bryce, came back from the dad, that kiss? Sarah: Stop saying kiss. It happened. Okay? What's done is done. Can we just not talk about it, please? Chuck: Okay, fine. Absolutely, of course. Just answer me one little thing. Sarah: Chuck... Chuck: Did you kiss me that night because you thought we were going to die, and mine were the most convenient lips around, or was it actually about me? Sarah: What happened was a mistake. One I won't make again. Chuck; Well, well, well! Lookin' good, Morgan. Morgan: Well, feelin' good, Charles. Chuck: And how was, uh, meeting Anna's parents? Morgan: Uh, it was... it was fine. You know, I think it went, uh, okay... ish. Anna: Let's just say he wasn't the Morgan we've all come to know and love. Big Mike: Hey, Captain Steubing! Morgan: Morning, Michael. You know, I was I thinking about focusing my energy on the starboard side of the store today. Big Mike: You don't change into some regulation clothing right now, I'm gonna kick the starboard side of your ass. Morgan: Why do people hate the rich? Hey, listen, speaking of starboard, uh, Anna's parents invited us, or at least Anna, on a cruise with some of their big-sht Taiwanese friends. You and Sarah should join us. Supposed to be some bigwig diplomats there. You and Sarah should be hanging out with diplomats, Chuck. Oh. Or just you. Right. I'm sorry, dude. Did you find out that was Sarah yesterday? Chuck: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't her. Must have been some other busty, long-legged blonde. They're a dime a dozen around here. Morgan: Figured it wasn't her, you know? And to be honest with you, I wasn't looking at her face. Well, boat later, huh? You? Me? Shrimp cocktail's supposed to be served. Morgan: Thanks, buddy, but, uh, I think I'm going to stay landlocked tonight. Morgan: Oh, well, suit yourself. Ahoy hoy. Beckman:Which part of handle Lon Kirk with caution wasn't clear, Agents Walker and Casey? Casey: Chuck flashed, General. Our decision to raid the boat was based on the information we received from the Intersect. Beckman: Except Chuck was wrong. Sarah; We think Kirk must have managed to hide the plates somehow. Beckman: Where? Sarah; We don't know. Beckman: So, you moved in anyway? Is there something that might have caused Chuck to think those plates were on Kirk's boat? Anything that might have caused his flash? Sarah: Not that we're aware of. Beckman: I don't want the two of you anywhere near Kirk from now on. Sarah: Both of us? But he doesn't suspect me. Graham: We don't know that, and we can't risk it. So until further notice, consider yourselves benched. Casey: Well, that was a bang-up job, Walker. All right, I'm going to give you one last chance to come clean. Did you or did you not compromise yourself and the Intersect? Sarah: Do you ever just want to have a normal life? Have a family? Children? Casey: The choice we made to protect something bigger than ourselves is the right choice, hard as that is for you to remember sometimes. Sarah: I'll talk to Chuck. And if I can't fix this, then I'm going to ask for a reassignment. Chuck: Oh. Aha, Gilligan. Hey there, little buddy. The plates are on Rashan's boat. Oh... Casey: This baby's got it all. You got the four main burners... Chuck; Hey, hey, we need to talk. Later. I'm about to move a Beastmaster. Chuck; No. Now. Casey: Fine. I'll be right back. This better be good. Chuck: Morgan sent me a jpeg from the Taiwanese attaché's yacht. Okay? I uploaded it to my computer, and then I used an XTEL software device to break down the data into readable bytes. Casey: English, Bartowski. Chuck: I blew up the photo. The counterfeiting plates are on Rashan's boat with Anna and Morgan. Casey: These are the same crates you flashed on yesterday. The one's that got us benched. Chuck: Did you just hear what I said? Morgan and Anna are on... Look, I'm right about this. The Intersect is right about this. Casey: Orders are orders. Sarah: Your wiener, sir. Chuck: Excuse me. Look, I need to talk to you. Sarah: Chuck, please, not now. Chuck: Sarah, these are the same crates that I flashed on yesterday, right here on a boat with the Taiwanese attaché. The one you saw arguing with Kirk. He's getting away with the plates. Sarah: You think Kirk put the plates on Rashan's boat? Chuck: Yes. Look, I know that your orders are to stay away from this, but you have to believe me. The plates are on that boat, possibly with Morgan and Anna. Look, trust me, I wouldn't even be here right now if I wasn't 100% sure. What... What are you... ? Sarah: Let's go. Casey: Chuck! Sarah! Sarah: Casey, what are you doing here? Casey; Someone needs to protect the Intersect, huh? Chuck: Well, that's very thoughtful. Thank you very much, I guess. Casey: Plus, I didn't want to miss any gn. Come on. Sarah: Look, there he is. Chuck; There's a GPS mssile tracking device on the ship. They're going to blow it up. Casey: Kirk's got his money, and he's going to bury the evidence. Morgan: I'm king of the world! I'm king of the world! i'm king of the world! Sarah: They're loading something on Kirk's boat. Casey: That's it. That's the mssile launcher. They're going to follow them out and use it to take out the Taiwanese attaché's boat. Chuck: The one with Morgan on it? Little buddy. Casey: Yeah. Sarah: Casey, I'm going to create a diversion. Casey: I'll get the guards. Chuck... Chuck; Yeah, I know. Stay in the car. I get it. Not this time. Manager: We've got a GPS tracker on their ship. The rocket guides itself. Kirk: Are the coordinates set? Manager: Yes, sir. I've just got to pull the trigger. Kirk: No. When the time comes, I'll pull the trigger. I never liked Rashan anyway. Guard: Sir? We've got a situation. Sarah: Lon? Lon! Oh... Hi. Kirk: It's okay, it's okay. Sarah: Uh, Lon, uh, I'm so sorry, but I... I had to talk to you. Kirk: Well, uh, that's great, Sarah, but we're actually about to push off. Sarah: I know, I know. Uh, God, this is... this is embarrassing, but, uh, it's just, since I was here last, I haven't been able to stop thinking about you, and I was just wondering if maybe we could talk or... ? Kirk: Um, uh... uh, yeah, okay, we have a couple minutes. Chuck: Well, well, well! I see how it is, Sarah! How could you do this? After everything that I've done for you. After all that I've given to you. The house... the house in the Hamptons. Huh? Or-or, uh... Or what about the summers in South Africa, or the winters in Gstaad? Sarah: You don't own me, Charles. Lon knows how I really feel. Chuck: Do you love him? Kirk: You know what? I actually don't have time for this. Chuck: Oh, yes, you do. Shh, shh... Yeah, I know what you're up to, buddy. I know the truth. Kirk: Why don't you just go home? Chuck: Tell me... Kirk: You know what? It is time for you to go. What was that? Chuck: He's in... Sarah... Oh, hey. No, he's... he went in the... he went in the... Get out of the way. Put the rocket launcher down. Oh! Hey, hey, hey. look, look, look, The rocket is guided by GPS software. All software can be reset. Casey: Hurry up. Anna: Great. Bye. Morgan: Look at the size... these things are the size of baby cats. Anna: You're going to be sick if you don't stop eating those. Morgan; Yeah, but look, Mr. Wu, have you ever seen something so huge? Anna: Please stop that. Morgan: This is fant... Oh, Anna, look, look, look, look, look. Fireworks. Chuck; That's it. Morgan: Ooh... Sarah: You did it, Chuck. Chuck: I can't... I can't... I can't believe that worked. Casey: Chuck, where's the rocket heading now? Chuck: I don't know. I reset it. Casey: You sure reset doesn't mean return to sender? Chuck: Oh, man. Oh, oh, oh, man. Oh, man. Casey: Enter another target. Away from us. Chuck;I need-I need another target first, with GPS coordinates. Casey, what about your car? Casey: No! Chuck: Come on, we're running out of time here! Just tell me what the GPS coordinates are for the Crown Vic. Sarah: Tell him, Casey! Chuck: Tell me, Casey! Casey: 7-1-4-7-7. Chuck: I'm really sorry, buddy. Oh! Casey: I hate this assignment. Chuck; I said I was sorry, right? Hey, buddy. Morgan: Hey, dude. Chuck: How did it go with Anna's family on the yacht? Morgan: Fine, until I got seasick and barfed. Chuck; Was Anna freaked out? Morgan: She rubbed my back mid-puke and then brought me a warm cloth to clean the shrimp blobs out of my beard. Chuck; Hmm. She's an amazing woman, dude. And I am a lucky guy. Chuck: Is there any way you can say that to her, instead of me? Morgan: Yeah, I guess I could, but that would leave me completely vulnerable. You know, kind of like a sweet little puppy laying on his back waiting for his belly to be scratched, privates just kind of dangling out there for everyone to see. But I can certainly give it a sht. You know? Jeff; Store's closed. Time to get polluted. Big Mike: Okay, people. The official Buy More Christmas... Lester; Hey, now. Big Mike: Holiday Party is about to commence. As a reminder, I will accept all gifts-- cash and checks-- in my office or under the tree. Keep it clean and be prepared to get down! Chuck; I'll be right back. Hey, uh, listen, I-I'm really sorry about the whole... Casey: klling my car thing? Chuck: Yeah, that. Again, sorry. Casey: She was my dream car. Chuck: A Crown Victoria was your dream car? And why wouldn't it be? Really beautiful lines, I-I've always found. I feel terrible about that, okay? But it is the holidays, right? Which is a time for forgiveness. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you? Casey: Sure. You can buy me a new car. Chuck: Ha. You're totally serious. I... that's my jam. Lester; Nun. I do believe that makes me the winner. Jeff; I thought Shin bat Nun. Lester: Mm-hmm... And have you been bar mitzvah'd, Jeffrey? Jeff: No. ??? Morgan; Anna, can I talk to you? Um... Uh... I'm really sorry that I was kind of a jerk in front of your parents. You know, I pretended to be something I'm not because I thought... I thought that you were embarrassed of me. Anna: Morgan, I didn't want you to meet my parents because I'm embarrassed of who I am in front of them. Morgan; What do you mean? Anna: Pretending to be their obedient little girl, dressing a certain way, not being myself. I didn't want you to see me like that. Morgan: I did miss your pretty makeup, and your inappropriately short skirts. Anna: Not everything's changed, Morgan. Morgan: You think the break room door is locked? Anna: Let's find out. Morgan: Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. Chuck: Hi. I'm glad you... I'm glad you came. I got you something. Ta da It's a new alarm clock. Merry Christmas. Sarah: You shouldn't have. Chuck: Ah, come on. They're on sale in Home Electronics. Which reminds me, I should probably scan that thing before you leave the store with it. Look, it's also kind of a... kind of a thank you for believing me when you had good reason not to. Sarah: Well, it's my job, you know. It's what I do. It's the one thing I'm good at. Chuck: Really? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you're good at a lot of things. Sarah: Well, as you can see from everything that happened with Bryce, I'm not so good at relationships. Chuck: I guess that makes two of us. And then that makes me good at... pretty much nothing, I suppose. Sarah: Chuck, you're good at your job, too. And not just here, fixing computers. You know, the one where you risk your life to save others; the one that you didn't ask for but were supposed to have. Chuck: Friends? Sarah: Yeah. Friends. Jeff: Mistletoe. You'll thank me later, dude. Chuck; How about we just dance? Sarah: Sure. Jeff; Lame. Casey: Casey. Beckman: Major. I am calling to imform you that the baby version of intersect computer was successful. this means the new intersect should be up running soon. Once the new computer is on line, it will be time to take care of Bartowski. Casey: Roger that. Beckman: I hope you have not grown too fond of the subject. I would hate for you to be compromised. Casey: I understand my orders, General. Beckman: Oh, and... John? Casey: Yeah? Beckman: Happy Holidays.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x11 - Chuck Versus the Crown Vic"}	foreverdreaming
I'm glad you like it. I love it. what time is it? Casey: Are you insane? Come back to bed. Ilsa: And miss all the good sunlight? Casey: Come on, Ilsa, it's not like the civil wr is going to go anywhere. Ilsa: Tempting. But I have a deadline. Casey; Yeah... Why did I ever let myself get involved with a photo-journalist? Ilsa: And how did I get myself mixed up with a-- what do you call yourself again? Casey: An energy consultant. Ilsa: What does that even mean? Casey: It means I get to sleep in late. Ilsa: Here's my offer, Casey: Yeah? Ilsa: Mr. Energy Consultant. Casey: Mm-hmm. Ilsa: You stay in bed and preserve your precious energy. And I'll be back before you know it. Bye-bye, Sugar Bear. Hostile customer; Did you hear a word I said? Hello? Do you speak English? Parla usted Inglese? Hello? Casey: Yeah. Hostile customer: Then why aren't you moving? Because if you were listening, then you'd be walking to the register to get me my 300 bucks! Casey: Sir, I repeat: I cannot offer you a refund without a valid receipt. Hostile customer; You can't give me a refund, you won't give me an exchange. What exactly are you capable of doing, Big Johnny? You sad, impotent oaf? Casey: I'm capable of stopping your heart... Chuck: Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey john, ??? problem here. Let me guess, it's the auto-focus, right? Hostile customer: Yeah. Chuck: Happens all the time. It's a quick... quick, quick fix, and I can take care of it personally. If you'll just leave your name and number at the Nerd Herd desk, I'll take care of it in a jiff, okay? Hostile customer: Was that so hard? Chuck: Thank you. Have a good day. Just breathe, Casey, breathe. Breathe... or growl. Growling also works. Very good. Very, very good. Jeff: Hey. You're not going to believe it. Chuck: Oh, you got that server to work? Jeff: I got Tara Reid's phone number. Chuck: What have I told you about stalking "celebrities" online? And, by the way, who doesn't have her phone number? Is that the Grand Saville's main database? Jeff: I can access every guest staying at L.A. 's swankiest hotel. It's got it all: room numbers, credit cards, spank-per-view records... Chuck:That's super, Jeff. Really good work. I'll let the hotel know that their computer's ready. Jeff: You're giving away the holy grail! Tara! Chuck: Grand Saville, please don't sue us. Dmitry Siljak-- known alias of black market arms dealer specializing in former Soviet... Okay. Man, I'm going to have a headache tomorrow. Ilsa Trinchina. AP photographer, rumored lover of undercover NSA agent. Whereabouts unknown. Sugar Bear? Sugar Bear's girlfriend's in town. Casey, hey, hey, hey! Wait up! wait up! I just had the mother lode of all bad guy flashes. Casey: Who are they? Chuck: Mostly Russian. All traveling under aliases, fake passports. Casey; That means they're arms dealers, money launderers, black market smugglers... Chuck: Yeah. Apparently, they're all having a douche bag convention down at the Grand Saville. Casey: I'll run it up the flagpole, see what command wants us to do. Chuck: Uh... one more thing. There was another name, one name that I flashed on actually, but I left it-- her-- off of the list. Casey: What the hell are you talking about, Bartowski? Chuck: Does the name Ilsa Trinchina mean anything to you... Sugar Bear? Casey: You say that name ever again and I will end you. Nod if you understand. Chuck: Casey... you're hurting the Intersect. Chuck 112 Sarah : Hey. Try this. It's the new breakfast corndog with country sausage and syrup wrapped in pancake. Chuck: Thank you, but maybe a little bit later. I have some serious business to discuss-- matter of national security. Casey's ex-girlfriend is in town. Sarah: What? How do you know? Chuck: I flashed. Her name is Ilsa Trinchina. Super-hot, super-sexy and staying at the Grand Saville as we speak. Sarah: Does Casey know? Chuck: Oh, yeah. Almost ripped my head off; it must've been a pretty bad break-up. You know for the longest time, I always imagined Casey was built like a Ken doll, you know, downstairs. Sarah: I don't know what kind of woman would go for a guy like Casey. Chuck: I was, uh, I was kind of hoping you'd help me find out. Ilsa is a civilian. She's a foreign national. The Intersect has, like, nothing on her except for some love letters that now I'll never be able to scrub out of my brain. Sarah: You want me to go behind Casey's back, reallocate CIA resources and violate this woman's privacy, so you can find out what their story is? Tell me you're not curious. Ellie: Hi. Lester: Hi. Ellie; I'm Ellie Bartowski. Chuck's sister. Lester: Oh, yes, of course. I recognize Chuck's sensual mouth. Awesome: Devon. Lester: Lester. Jeff: Jeff. Awesome: Well, any coworker of Chuck's is a guy who can help me pick some stuff out to buy. Morgan: Jeff, Lester, uh... Why don't you give my guests a little breathing room? We have business to discuss. So? What can I help you with today, ma'am? Ellie: Well, this year for our anniversary, Devon and I are making a little bit more money... So we decided to buy one large gift instead of two smaller ones. Ellie: Awesome, right? Awesome: Ooh, gives me a chill when you say it, babe. Morgan: Have we settled on what that item may be? Yes. Yes. Ellie: Beautiful, isn't she? Awesome: Beautiful, isn't she? Ellie: Think of all the great things we can watch. Awesome: Think of all the great things we can wash. Morgan: I want you guys to know that I'm not just a salesman. I've come to think of myself as a retail therapist. Ellie, why do you really want the television? Ellie: So that we can spend more time together. Quiet evenings at home, cuddling on the couch. Morgan: That's good. Good. Devon... What is really behind the washer and dryer? Awesome: So we can spend more time together. Ellie: What? Awesome: No more Laundromats. We come home from a ride and go onto a run without worrying about dirty shorts. Ellie: I never go running with you. Awesome: Well, maybe you would with a drawer full of clean jog bras, babe. Ellie: Oh, sorry. Hold on. That's the hospital. I have to go. Awesome: What am I supposed to do about our anniversary gift? Ellie: You know what, honey? Why don't you just surprise me, okay? Love you. Beckman: We received your report, Major. Ex-KGB, Eastern Bloc thugs, Russian arms dealers... Frankly, we're not used to seeing this particular crowd stateside these days. Casey: Least not since President Reagan won The Cold wr, huh, General? So you want us to infiltrate the Grand Saville? Beckman: The hotel's bar has been booked for a private party early this evening. Chuck; Fine, I'll clear my schedule, but just 'cause it's you, General. Beckman: Mr. Bartowski, it's up to you to tell us what these criminal agents are all doing in Los Angeles. You and Agent Walker are going undercover. We need you to press some Russian flesh, see what you can flash on. And, uh... good luck. Chuck: So, what about you, Casey? Casey: What about me? Chuck: I don't know. I just thought if Sarah and I have to go to the hotel to press some Russian flesh, you might want to drop in on a certain somebody whose name I will not... Sarah; Chuck... Chuck: Okay, fine. I'll shut up now. Geez, what? What is with that guy? He really doesn't want to see his ex, does he? Sarah: I doubt it. Ilsa's dad. Chuck: I don't get it. If Casey's girlfriend is dad, who's the Ilsa Trinchina staying in this hotel? Sarah: Probably someone traveling on a fake passport. It happens all the time in Russia. People die and their personal info gets recycled. Chuck: My God, that's so horrible. No wonder Casey's so messed up. Casey, Oh, hey... Hey, I just-- you know what, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. Casey: Drop it, Chuck. You heard the General. We've got work to do. Those are our Russians. Chuck: Wait, wait, wait-- this isn't a black tie thing. I'm way overdressed. Yeah, lose the jacket. What's this? Yeah, perfect. Chuck: You know, it would have been nice to know that I was the help on this mission. I could have done some character study. Sarah: Recognize anyone, Chuck? Chuck: That's, uh, Dmitry Siljak. Black market arms dealer. Sergey "Noodles" Romanov. Freelance ht man. Drunk Russian: Sacha! Is that you, my sweet Sacha? Everybody, meet fourth cousin on my mother's side. Sacha, come and give your cousin great big hug! Chuck: Ow! Ow! Ow! Drunk Russian: Hey. Sacha! Da. Da. Da. Russian. Sacha. Drunk Russian: Sacha wants to dance! No. No, dance, no. Nyet, nyet, nyet, nyet. No. Russian creep; How much for the whole night? Sarah: Don't touch me again, pig. Drunk Russian: Get low! Get low! Chuck: We are great dancers, aren't we, us Russians? Like-Like Baryshnikov! White Nights? Anybody seen White Nights? You like what I was doing? You like what I was doing? Yes. Yes. We're in a circle. Hold hands. Drunk Russian: Sacha, you like blonde? Come here! Very nice! She is all yours, Sacha! Oh! Chuck: She's here. Ilsa is here. Sarah: What? Are you sure? Chuck: Look over there. Sarah: Our cover has been compromised. Request team extraction. Casey: I'm on it. Ilsa? Ilsa: Oh, my God. Casey: How are you alive? No one could have survived that blast. How did you... ? Ilsa: I'm so sorry. Casey: Why are you sorry? Ilsa; All I remember is, I woke up in a hospital in Grozny two weeks after the blast. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear. It took another two months for me to remember my name. But I never forgot your face. Chuck: We're Russian! Oh. Motherland! Come with me. Keep on coming. You crazy people. Sarah: We've got to get him out of here. Chuck: Oh, come on. The guy spent four years of his life thinking he'd never see her again. Sarah: His cover has been compromised. Chuck: Can't the man live without a cover for just a couple of minutes? Victor: Hello, everybody. How are we doing tonight, huh? Chuck: Sarah? Sarah, I think I know what brought all the baddies together. Him. Victor Federov. A Russian oligarch with ties to everything from the mob to a plot to overthrow Parliament. Casey; What brings you to Los Angeles? Why-Why are you here? Viktor: Please, I'd like to introduce you to a woman who will make me the happiest man on earth by becoming my wife. Ilsa Trinchina! Chuck: Hey, buddy. How are you feeling? Casey: How am I feeling? Chuck: Yeah, uh, you know, about last night? Casey: Our mission was a success. You I.D. 'd Victor Federov. Agent Walker's been assigned to set up a surveillance on the target. In short, I feel fan-eff'in-tastic. Chuck: Well... okay. I-I mean, I guess, uh, you know, I was referring more to the you and Ilsa situation. Thought maybe you'd want to talk about the fact that the girl you thought was dad isn't actually dad. Casey: No. Chuck; Great. Good, good. Really good session here, Casey. Really feel like you're making a breakthrough. Look, I just... I just want you to know that I'm a good listener, okay? So, if you ever want to talk about anything. If you want to use me as a sounding board for your emotions, or... Finding everything okay? Come on, buddy. Just give me something, anything. Where is she from? Or where did you two meet? Casey: Why is this so important to you, Chuck? Why the hell do you care so much about me and Ilsa? Chuck: I don't... I don't know, man, okay? I just... I-I think it would be nice to know that you had a life before... this. I just figured, if a guy like you can find love-- no offense, Casey-- then maybe there's hope for me, too. Maybe this whole spy business isn't as screwed up as I think it is. Casey: Hmm. Chuck: Hmm? That's-That's... Okay, you know what? If you want to go through life all emotionally-constipated and alone, then suit yourself. I'll let you get back to protecting the greater good, you freakin' robot. Casey: I met her in a flower market. In Rome. Ilsa was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Chuck: I knew it. It's alive! Morgan: Yeah! There she is. There she is. Hey, you think Ellie's going to be cool that you went with the washer and dryer? Awesome: Ah, no worries. Oh, hey, Babe. Happy Anniversary! Ellie: You got the washer and dryer. Awesome: Well, you told me to surprise you. So, surprise! Ellie: You getting what you want isn't a surprise. Awesome: What's that supposed to mean? Ellie: It means that I would like to go to brunch, but you would rather go rock climbing. Or I want to go wine tasting in Napa, but you would rather go to Baja and go kite surfing. It's always about what you want. Awesome: Come on, Babe. It's just a washer and dryer. Ellie: It's not just a washer and dryer. It's about what it represents. Awesome: It represents clean clothes. Morgan: Have you guys ever considered... ? Ellie: What? Awesome: What? Morgan: Well, that maybe, on an unconscious level, Devon, uh, has the need to exercise or go on these extreme adventures because, well, maybe he's scared of intimacy, of being tied down. Ellie: Yes! Exactly! Awesome: No! Morgan: Ellie, how does that make you feel? Ellie:Like I'm banking on my future with a giant, muscley child. And I can't do it anymore. Morgan: And, Devon, you-- how do you feel? Of course, naturally. Sure. Casey: Sure, it was great. You know, we had what we had, but it's over. Chuck; So, that-that's it? You're just going to let her walk back out of your life? Casey: Seems like the smart play, Chuck. Nice girls don't marry corrupt Russian oligarchs. Chuck; Well, I hate to break it to you, but nice girls don't go around marrying guys like you, either. G-man assassin? International spy? I mean, pardon me for saying it, Casey, but at least on paper, you're kind of an unsavory dude. Casey; Granted. But Ilsa never knew what I do for a living. Chuck:That's exactly my point. What if Ilsa doesn't know what her fiance Viktor does for a living either? Casey: What are you saying I do? Chuck: Stick to your strengths, buddy. Come on. You're a fighter. You got to fght for her. Casey: This is a terrible idea, Chuck. We shouldn't be here. Can we just go... ? Chuck: Negatory. We have passed the point of no return. No retreat, soldier. Casey: This isn't a mission. We're just two guys sneaking down a hall like a couple of numb nuts. Chuck: Hey. Sarah: What are you two doing here? Casey: I'd like to apologize, Agent Walker. Uh, Chuck here convinced me... Chuck; To come... to come down to the hotel, and to bring me, because I... maybe I could flash on some stuff. Some cool stuff or things or whatever. Sarah: You volunteered to go on an all-night stakeout? Chuck: Doesn't sound like me, does it? I know. But I couldn't sleep. So I thought it would do me some good to-to... to, uh, you know, look at some surveillance monitors or something. Maybe... ... knock me right out. So... Sarah: This way. I've already tapped into the hotel security feed. You two get comfy. I'm going to deliver the surveillance to the bridal suite. Casey: Good bug. Sarah: With any luck, we'll get enough dirt off the wire to take the target down on U. S. soil. Chuck: Hmm. Sarah: Have fun. Chuck; Don't wait up. Just going to be looking at, uh... monitors and... Um, Casey? Casey: What, did you flash? Chuck: Look who's hitting the bar the night before her own wedding. Now, does that look like the face of a woman who's happy about getting married? Where's she going? Look, look, look, look. This is your chance, buddy! This is your chance! Look at her, Casey. She's just sitting there waiting for you. Wait a second. You're scared, aren't you? Casey: Don't be an idiot. Chuck: Kemo sabe. Come on, man, look, you don't want to spend the rest of your life hating yourself for what you didn't have the guts to say tonight. Okay? Believe me. I know. Russian guard: Hey, this is a private floor. Ooh. Sarah: Casey, you're going to have to deliver the package. I've got a body to take care of. Keys are in the sugar. Chuck: Deliver the package? Sarah: Casey, do you read me? Chuck; Uh... Yeah, uh, copy that. On my way. Bonsoir. Housekeeping. Okay. Eenie, meenie, miney... moe. Oh... These stupid keys never work. Come here. Ilsa : Oh, Casey. Casey: Oh, Ilsa. Ilsa: I've missed you. Casey: I missed you. I missed you, too. Bartowski. What the hell are you doing here? Chuck: Listen, I-I'm, I'm really sorry. I know this is very awkward, but Ilsa is a bad girl. She's a very bad girl. Ilsa : Drop the gn, Sugar Bear. Chuck: See? Casey: Mind telling me what a nice girl like you is doing with a gn, Ilsa? Ilsa : Same thing as you, Casey. Chuck: I tried to warn you; she's a spy. Casey: Who do you work for? Ilsa : Why don't you ask your friend? He's already seen my files. Chuck: Uh... yeah, I did. She's French Secret Service. But, but, but wouldn't that put us all on the same side, kind of, sort of, doesn't it? Casey: You lied to me. Ilsa : Says the energy consultant. Casey: What about the bmb in Grozny? That "I never forgot your face" garbage? Ilsa : Oh, that bmb. Victor: Ilsa. Chuck: Quick, hide. Ilsa : You have to trust me. Victor: . Ilsa. Ilsa : Baby. Victor: Where have you been hiding, Ilsa? I can't wait any longer. How about we start our honeymoon now? Ilsa : Oh, Victor. Chuck: Don't even think about it; you don't know who's on top. Ilsa : You guys, get out of here before he wakes up. Morgan; All right... here you go. Michael, in or out? Awesome: Hey, thanks for letting me join your game, boys. Perfect distraction. Morgan: Captain here had a fght with his lady friend. Lester: Oh... the doghouse. Been there many a time, my friend. Jeff: No, you haven't. Awesome: Guys, Ellie and I are just going through a little rough patch. Both trying to figure... Lester: Let me share one thing that I know from personal experience. Jeff: No, you don't. Lester: You do not need some broad holding your maracas in a vise. Jeff: Yeah, man-cake like you, you should install a turnstile on your bedroom door. Morgan: Yeah. Huh. So... in or out? All right... I have absolutely nada. Pair of threes. I missed my straight. Busted flush. Awesome: Trip nines, gentlemen. Big man. Daddy takes it home. Jeff: Fine, all right, rules is rules. This is what's great about boys' night. Jeff: Hey, man-cake, what do you think? Want to do this again tomorrow, single guy? Awesome: I got a surgery I got to do. Dude, we want to take your pants off. Oh, we got to get that guy's pants off. And then? It wasn't long after we were married that Victor went back to Czechoslovakia. Chuck: Hey, Casey, we need to talk. Casey: Is it related to last night? Chuck: Uh... well, yeah. Then I don't want to talk about it. Chuck: Listen, Casey. Casey: No, you listen. Whatever you thought existed between me and Ilsa, you were wrong, all right? That person has gone back to being dad to me. You have something to say, Chuck? Chuck: Yeah, just that there's a dad lady waiting to see you. Casey: How did you find me, Ilsa? Ilsa : Your friend left this under the bed. He's not much of a spy. Casey: So what do you want? Ilsa : I didn't want to leave things the way we left them last night. Casey: With you getting plowed by a drunk Russian crime boss? You should get used to that. Ilsa : We've been investigating Victor Federov since the Paris commuter train bmb back in '02. My agency has tried everything to take him to trial, but his organization is airtight, totally legit from the outside. The only way we could take him down was... Casey: By screwing it out of him? How, uh... French. If you are French. Ilsa : Casey, please... Casey: I make one call and you, Victor, and half the Grand Saville are packed on a plane, shipped off to the nearest detention center of my choice. You're not going to do that. Casey: Really? Why is that? Ilsa : That would be unprofessional. And that's not you. I wish things could be different. I'm sorry, Casey. Good-bye. Chuck: A lot of Scotch and a little Neil. Everything okay, buddy? Casey: Just enjoying myself a little R & R. Chuck: Mm-hmm. Casey: Want a drink? Chuck: No, no. Thanks, though, I really appreciate it. Chuck: No, just, uh, just thought I'd check in on you, you know, what with Ilsa getting married in an hour and... Casey: Thanks for reminding me. Here's to John Casey dodging another bllet. It's not like I want the wife and kids and the Little League practice and the minivan and the Costco runs on the weekend. Chuck: Yeah, really, you don't? 'Cause I-- it, it seems to me that you'd kind of be into the whole American Dream. Casey: Nah. I do what I do... so all those other slobs out there can have it. Chuck: What, uh, what would you say your dream is? Casey:,You're looking at it. Ellie: Sarah. Sarah: Hi. Ellie: Hi, I'm so glad you're here. Sarah: Uh, yeah, me, too. Ellie: Uh, I'm having a little... a little wine. You want some? Sarah: Uh... I'm actually fine, but you go ahead. Ellie: Okay. Sarah: Um, is Chuck here? Ellie: Uh-uh. No, it's, um, it's just, just me tonight, um, all, all by myself. Sarah: Oh. Um, are you okay? Ellie: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Sarah: Okay. Ellie, are you sure you're okay? Ellie: It's just that... I have both feet in and Devon only has one foot in, so then it's just me taking care of three feet and I want it to be us, you know, taking care of four feet. Do you understand what I'm saying? Sarah: Completely. Ellie: Of course you do. I'm going to go get us some more wine. Sarah: Okay. Casey: Besides, Chuck, it's not like Ilsa left me empty-handed. Chuck: What's that? Casey: Mm... just a cheap little trinket I used to think meant something. You mind telling me what that is? Chuck: It's an RX-77 long-range audio transmitter. Casey: Someone was listening in on Ilsa? Chuck: With a Russian-made bug. Casey: That means they heard last night. That means Victor knows she's a spy. Chuck: Whoa, uh, hey, Ca-Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, where are you going? Casey: To stop a wedding, Chuck. Chuck: No, no, no. No, you're not, no, you're not. Scotch and driving-- very, very bad combo and as far as I know, also illegal. Casey; You're absolutely right. you're driving. I need pants. Chuck: Ho, hi, hey, hey, hey, hey. Sarah: What's going on, Chuck? Chuck: Hey, Victor planted a bug on Ilsa. He knows she's a spy. She's walking into a trap. this way. Sarah: Okay, uh, I'll see you soon. Uh, Ellie, I hate to do this to you. Ellie: No, no, no, no, no. No, we were just going to... we were going to talk about Chuck and where you see that going... Sarah: You know, we're going to talk about this as soon as I get back. Ellie: Devon? Morgan: Oh, I was just looking for... Oh, hey, what's going on here, ladies? Having ourselves a little cocktail? Ellie: Sarah, please... please don't leave tonight. I just really can't be alone right now. Please. Sarah; Uh... Morgan? Ellie's feeling a little, uh... upset. So, if you could just... Morgan: Absolutely. Got it. I'm your man. Sarah: Okay. Ellie, I'll talk to you soon. Morgan: Hey, hey, easy, easy, El. Ole Morgan's here now. I'm not gonna leave your side, I promise. Ellie: You've always been really sweet to me. Morgan: Ah... come on. I thought we issued a "no touch" policy back in '98. Hmm? Remember that? Buddy? This is not how I imagined it over and over, but... let's get you to bed, huh? Come on. Come on, there. Come on, old girl. Casey: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Chuck: Where did you get that? Casey: Shh. Ilsa. Ilsa... Victor: I assume you're with the bride's party? Chuck: Ow! Ow, that's tight. Victor: You make for a handsome groom. It's a shame to ruin the suit. Chuck: Ruin it how, exactly? How would you ruin it? With bllet holes or blood or... ? Casey; Shut up, Chuck. Chuck; Shutting up. Casey; Where's Ilsa? Victor: Waiting at the ceremony. Quite a woman, huh? I'm going to miss her. Oh, well. At least we get to enjoy wedding night, huh? Casey: Leave her out of this. Victor: I have another proposal. I was so moved by listening to you and Ilsa say good-bye, what if I told you you get to keep the girl? Chuck: Casey, you want to tell me what's going on? Victor:,In fact, how would you and Ilsa like to go on my honeymoon? Chuck: I love that idea. I don't even have to go. Casey: You mean let me die in your place? What'd you have in mind, Victor, a plane crash over the Pacific, a fiery wreck that leaves nothing behind but our two charred corpses? Victor: Three corpses. Your friend will play the role of pilot, or maybe one of those man-stewardesses? If you'll excuse me, my associates have come to see me married. I would hate to disappoint them. You guys... Chuck; Casey, I don't want to die as a man-stewardess. Casey: Relax. I think I see a scenario where we both get out of here with acceptable losses. Chuck: What exactly is your version of acceptable? Casey: Breaks and punctures, possible loss of a limb, no major organ damage. Hey, Comrades. Mind if I ask you two fellas a question? Where did you learn to tie people up, a Rocky and Bullwinkle cartoon? Chuck: I don't think that you're helping right now. Russian creep: Hello? Casey: No wonder you lost the Cold wr. A couple of Girl Scouts could tie people up better than this. Chuck: Casey, what are you... ? Whoa! Casey:,Like you said, Chuck, I'm sticking to my strengths. Sarah: How many times do we have to go through this? Where's Chuck Bartowski? Chuck; That had to hurt. Baddie at six o'clock. Oh! How you like me now, sucka? Ooh, Cas... Casey? Casey! Casey! High... very... it's so very high! Get 'em! Get 'em! Oh! Casey! I can't hold us. I have very weak thighs. Casey! Sarah: Last chance. Where's Chuck Bartowski? Casey: Hope I'm not too late to object to this union. Victor: Take these two to my plane and strangle them. Sarah; They're not going anywhere. Victor: Really? Who's gonna stop me? One little girl with one little gn? Chuck: Casey, this is unacceptable. Casey: Shut up, Chuck. Ilsa : Try two little girls. Casey: She looks good with a gn. Ellie: Morgan! Morgan! Morgan; Damn, Mom, I got my headgear on. Ellie: Wake up. Wake up. Oh, thank God. Oh, thank God. Oh, God. What are you doing in here? Morgan: What are you... what are you talking about? You begged me not to leave. Ellie: Ow. Okay. There's um... oh, there's aspirin on your side of the... that side of the bed. If you could get me six, please? Morgan: Yeah. Anything you, uh, anything you need. Here. Ellie: Thank you. Morgan: You're welcome. Ellie: For last night. Morgan; You know nothing happened. Ellie: Mostly thanks for that. Morgan: Look, Ellie, I would pretty much do anything for you. You're kind of like a sister to me. A sister I want to have sex with so bad. Ellie; Oh, God, Morgan. Morgan: Whoa! Hey, big guy. What's up, man? Nothing-nothing happening over here. Just kind of... Not the face! Awesome: Honey, come here. I want to show you something. Happy Anniversary, baby. Ellie: Devon. I'm sorry I got so mad at you. Awesome: No, you were right. I was being selfish. I got a glimpse of what my life would be like without you. Not a pretty picture. Morgan: Uh, dude? I feel like I owe you an explanation, and I want you to know that nothing happened between me and your lady last night, I swear. Awesome: I know, man. Morgan: What... wait. What do you mean "you know, man"? You don't think there exists a scenario where Ellie, devastated over her loss of you, comes into my arms for the conso-lovin' prize? Think about it. Awesome: No. Ilsa : It was good working with you, Casey. Casey: You, too. Ilsa: Got some skills yourself What does he think he's doing? Casey: Guess he's trying to spy on us. Ilsa : He's got a lot to learn. Casey: Mm-hmm. Ilsa : Well, I've got to go. Victor's waiting at the airport at a holding cell. His extradition papers just came in. Casey: Well, you lovebirds have a safe flight. Sorry you had to blow your cover. I'm gonna miss Ilsa. Ilsa : I'm sure I'll find a new one. Casey: I hope to meet her someday. Well... you better get going or you're going to miss your flight. Good-bye, Ilsa. Ilsa : Good-bye, Casey. Casey: Hey. Just so you know. I'm happy you're not dad. Chuck: What's up, k*ll? You got yourself a new special lady-friend, or what? Casey: She's hopping a plane. Chuck; What? Are you serious? You guys gonna stay in touch? Casey: She's going back undercover. Chuck: Wow, that really sucks. Casey: It's a spy's life, Chuck. Chuck: Well, don't you worry, buddy. You'll always have me, I'm not going anywhere. Casey: Uh-huh. Chuck: Well, Casey, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Hey! Or not. [/quote]	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x12 - Chuck Versus the Undercover Lover"}	foreverdreaming
Lester: Go back, go back. That is God and a surgeon working in harmony. Here comes the Schwarma girl. Hey. Hey... Lizzie: Here you guys go. Be careful, it's really hot. I don't want to... for you to burn your tongue on it. Wow, 29 orders this month. One more, and you'll get a free baba ghanoush. Lester: Oh... I'm reaching in my pocket for money, not for... Hey, do you have change? Oh, she's... Did you get it? Chuck: Fellas... Oh, boy. Chuck: What are you guys doing? Or have you forgotten about Big Mike's policy on "mammary cam"? Jeff; I don't know what you're talking about, Chuck. Chuck: He doesn't know what I'm talking about? That's so weird. So, you didn't actually just remove the offending video from the camcorder and then hand it to Lester, who is now hiding it behind his back? Lester: What? Wow! My feelings are hurt. Charles, after all these years, where's the trust, my friend? Chuck: In Jeff's sweaty palms, along with the amateur consumer prn. Lester: Look... No, you look... Awesome: Hey, Chuck? Uh, can I talk to you for a sec? Lester: Move. Chuck: Awesome... to see you, Devon. Yeah, yeah. What's up? All right. So, what's on your mind? Awesome: Chuck, I was, I was hoping to talk to you about Ellie. Chuck: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, of course. Awesome: Well, you know, ever since, um, ever since we've been dating, I've come to think of you as that little brother I never had. Chuck: Don't you have two younger brothers? Awesome: Indeed. Indeed. But you seem like someone who can offer sage wisdom in confusing times, and this is one of those times I am really confused, bro. I don't know how to put this into words, really. Chuck: That's a bug. Awesome: What? What? Spider, I hate those fuzzy little bastards... Chuck: Oh, no. I think, uh, no, you got him. He was like... and then poof! Gone. Can you excuse me for just one second? I think I just saw a kid climbing into an oven over in Home Appliances. Chuck! Chuck, I need you to drop some knowledge, bro. Lester: Keep moving, Bartowksi. Nothing to see here. Chuck: Not even if I had the time. You're getting sloppy, Casey. I understand that you have some perverse desire to listen to everybody, but you really need to be more careful when hiding your bugs. Casey: What are you lip-smacking about, Bartowski? Chuck: I just found this on one of our product displays, and not very well hidden, I might add. Normally, I'm a fan of your craftsmanship, if not your methods. Look, all I'm saying is that something like this discovered by someone less in the know than me could spell trouble. Casey: You worry about that supercomputer in your brain. Let me worry about the spy stuff, huh? Don't you have a hard drive you can go fix? Chuck: Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Morgan: There's best buddy of mine. Chuck: Yeah. What's up? Morgan: Okay, saw an Infinity Ward mail in the trash, and I'm guessing that means you got a pre-release demo of the next Call of Duty game? Chuck: Ah... Yeah, but the last time I lent you a game sampler, it ended up all over the Internet. So this one's gonna stay in my locker, and you can play it when you get some adult supervision. Morgan: Adult super... ? Chuck, I'm almost at the age where I should get my prostate checked annually. Okay? Surely I could be trusted with an advance copy of the next greatest video game on the planet. Chuck: Have you seen Awesome? Morgan; Over by the Home Theater Room. (muttering): I think that's... really. ♪ ♪ Chuck: The kid did not end up Defrosting himself, as it turns out. So, uh, what, uh, what's going on? Awesome: This is one of those rare moments when things are not kosher, Chuck. Oh, man. This is harder than I thought. Chuck: Uh-huh. Go... Go on. I'm listening. Awesome: Right. Well... I've been thinking a lot about the way things are between me and your sister. And you're the man in... in Ellie's family, so I was wondering... Can I have your permission... Can I marry Ellie? Chuck: Wow. That-That's quite... quite a rock you got there. Awesome: Is that a yes? Dude... Chuck: Yes! Yes! Sorry! I just... You kind of--- waah! You know, you pulled the blang just right in... Yes, you have my blessing. Awesome: Thank you. Thank you. I mean, it's been in my family for years. This was my great-grandmother's. (chuckles) Ah, you think she'll like it? Chuck: Like it? She'll, she'll love it. I, um, I'm just not sure she'll be able to lift her hand anymore. Awesome: Oh, one other thing. Ellie is a bloodhound when it comes to these kind of things. If I keep this in the apartment, she will smell diamond. Can you hold onto this, just for a day or so, man? I mean, just till I figure out how to pop the question? Chuck: I don't think it's actually a good idea... Awesome: Oh, thank you! Thank you so much, bro. Hey, pretty soon, I'm going to mean that literally. There you go. Chuck: All right... Casey: We have a problem. Sarah: What do you mean? Casey: Chuck found that in the Buy More. Sarah: We have a problem. Beckman: The bug Chuck found is a GLG-20, one of the most advanced counter-espionage listening devices in the CIA arsenal. Sarah: This is a CIA design? Casey: Figures. Graham: The GLG-20 is a low-power transmitter. In order to avoid detection, it has a maximum range of about 20 yards. Which means there's probably a receiver hidden somewhere inside the Buy More. Graham: We believe it's recently become a favorite of the FULCRUM agents. Casey: So, you're telling us the secret government cabal that abducted Bryce Larkin and came within a hair of figuring out that Chuck's the Intersect is now skulking around the Buy More? Graham: We need you to locate that receiver, and find the person who planted it. Beckman: You have 48 hours. If you cannot identify the enemy operative in that time, we will have no choice but to relocate Chuck to a secure government holding facility. Graham: Bartowski's time as a civilian may be coming to an end, For their own safety, his family may never see him again. Big Mike: When are these young ladies going to learn? If they don't want someone taking a picture of their private business, put some drawers on. Lester: Hey, uh, you think we should make a run for it? Jeff; You don't run from the cops. It makes you look guilty, or sht in the back. Lester: We are guilty. Jeff: Shh! Bring me down and I will cut you. Det Conway: So, no locks broken? No alarms set off? Big Mike: Nope. It's clean. Conway: Must be an inside job. Big Mike: Thought of that. You really think any of these dummies can mastermind all this? Conway: It's almost always someone close to the operation. Big Mike: When I find out who robbed my store and stole my fish, I'm gonna break my foot off in his behind. (whispers) Lester: Oh, my God... Jeff: Shh! Chuck: Hi. Morgan: Hey. Chuck; What's with the police presence outside? Morgan: They robbed the Buy More, man. They took everything. Chuck: They took everything? Everything. Oh, please, God, no. Please be there. Oh, my God... The ring. They took Ellie's ring. Oh, my God. (panting): Oh, oh... Oh! Oh! Hey Awesome: Chuckles, what's up? Dude, I figured out how I'm gonna pop the Q. Chuck: The Q? What Q? What's a Q? Awesome; You know, the Q, the big Q you only ask once in a lifetime. Can't say right now... Mom. Ellie: Is that your mom? Tell her that I love that kittens-playing-with-the-yarn sweater that she knitted me. Awesome: You got it, babe. I'm going to do it while we're skydiving. Chuck: Really? Do you think, uh... Do you think that's a good idea? Awesome: Not the first time we've been in the mile-high club, buddy. If you know what I mean. Chuck: Yeah, uh... Listen: skydiving is a little, it's a little risky. Don't you think? I mean, you could drop the ring. Awesome: Whoa. Hot call, dude. Hate to lose my great-granny's ring. She gave it to me right before she passed. You know? She knew Ellie was the one before I did. Chuck: Great, great, okay, so... just, you know, let me know when you figure something else out. Okay. But, Devon, um... take your time. Awesome: You got it, brother. (thuds) Oh... Big Mike: Detective Conway here is convinced that this is an inside job. And we intend to get to the bottom of this. Bartowski, get over here. You're a suspect, too. You all are! Jeff; When that pig talks to you, look him in the eye and say nothing. Zip it. Lester: Nothing? Come on, that's incredibly rude, Jeffrey. Jeff: dad men tell no tales. Lester: Stop it. Quit messing around. Big Mike: Bartowski, where's Casey? Don't you two usually carpool together? Chuck: Yes. Yes, sir, we absolutely do. But, uh... not today. Big Mike: Why don't you go find out why his ass is so tardy. Someone might find that suspicious. Chuck: Sure, I can-I can do that. Casey: What? Chuck; Where are you? Big Mike's looking for you. Casey: Yeah, well, he's going to be looking for both of us. Now get down here, we need you. Chuck: No, no, no, no. Listen to me. I need you, okay? Someone cleaned out the Buy More last night. They took everything; they took my sister's ring, the one she's supposed to wear forever, even though she doesn't know it yet. Awesome is supposed to propose to her, he trusted me and now it's gone. Casey: Save it for your coffee klatch, Bartowski. Get down here. We got bigger fish to fry. Chuck; You robbed the Buy More? Sarah: We had no choice, Chuck. Chuck: No choice? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what's going on at the store right now? Casey: That bug you found, it isn't one of ours. Chuck: What bug? Who, ours? Sarah: The one you found yesterday. Casey only installed EM-50s. The one you found was a GLG-20. It requires a secondary recording device nearby to collect the data. Chuck: What are you talking about? Sarah: Someone is spying on us. Chuck: What? ! Sarah: Okay, listen carefully-- the bug you found was not ours. It belongs to an enemy agent, probably Fulcrum, and they planted it in the Buy More. Chuck: Why? Casey: Looking for the Intersect. They're looking for you. We found a total of 29 bugs just like it, but we still haven't found the receiver. Chuck: Okay. Okay, well, wow. Uh, extreme... extreme measures, but, uh, decisive action had to be taken. Good luck schlepping all this stuff back to the Buy More. Uh, I'm going to get back there right now and pretend like I don't know anything. Got any good tips for beating a polygraph? Sarah: Chuck, wait. Chuck: What? Ch... ? Oh, duh, yeah... (chuckles) Can I get my sister's ring back? You guys are pretty damn thorough. Casey: You should be more concerned about not making it to her wedding. Sarah: Can I talk to you for a second? Hold on. He can't hear it like that. He won't process it. How do you give a man a life sentence just for being a good guy? Casey: Okay, how about I give it a try, gently? Sarah: No, I don't want to hear your version of it and neither does he. It's a job. Casey: How come you always got to get your lady feelings involved... ? Sarah: It has nothing to do... Agent Walker, Major Casey. You might want to take a look at this. This is a surveillance tape taken during the robbery. Casey: There's nothing there. Bad guy disabled the security system. Wait. Chuck: Hey, that's Jeff and Lester. And they are apparently drunk. Sarah; It appears they've mistakenly turned the camera back on. Hang on a second-- who's that? Sarah: That's the spy. He's the spy who spies on spies. Chuck: Why would a Fulcrum agent try to steal Big Mike's fish? Casey: Those two dilweeds interrupted an actual robbery in progress. Sarah: The receiver's in the fish. Chuck: Marlin, actually. Technically, it's a marlin. Marlin. You would call it a marlin, right? Yeah. Look. See, there you go-- done. My job here is done. So now I'm sure you super-agents can figure out where the two drunken pinheads stashed the fish-- marlin, four-foot marlin. I'm going to stick around here and try and find my sister's ring. Sarah: Hey, Chuck? Chuck, no ring came up in our inventory. Chuck: What do you mean no ring came up in your inventory? You guys robbed the Buy More, didn't you? What happened to Awesome's great-grandmother's ring? Sarah: We kind of have some bigger- picture concerns right now. Chuck: What could be possibly be bigger than me ruining the chances of my sister getting married? Sarah: The receiver may contain information indicating that you're the Intersect. Chuck: Say it. Say what you're not saying. Sarah: If we don't locate the receiver in the next 24 hours... Casey: You'll be stored in an underground bunker for so long you'll forget what fresh air smells like. See ? That was very gentle LESTER & JEFFREY: One, two, three, four. I declare a thumb wr! Oh! Come on, Jeffrey. Chuck : Jeff, Lester, we got to talk, it's important. Lester: Yeah, see, this is your problem, Charlie. Why is your time more valuable than mine? Oh! He is taking him over the top! All right. Ow! My thumb! Hey. Let's go. (fake coughing): Narc. Narc, Narc. Narc. Narc. Jeffrey: Easy on the shirt, Narc. Casey: Where's the fish? Jeff: Fish? What fish? Casey: Okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. Easy way is I shove his foot up your ass. Jeff: What's the hard way? Casey; I use my foot. Chuck: Look, we've seen the surveillance footage, guys. Okay? We know you were here last night. Lester: Yeah, right. Casey: Yeah, no, you two geniuses thought you were turning the cameras off, but, instead, you turned them back on. Chuck: We won't say anything to Big Mike, I promise. Okay. Lester: Come on, wh-what's happening? Casey: Charles, would you give us a few minutes, please? Lester: Chuck... ? Jeff: It was his idea. Lester: What? ! The whole reason we snuck in was to get your alcoholic ass another drink-- you were getting the shakes. Jeff: Not cool. It's a disease. You're a disease, and you've diseased us all-- me, Chuck, this guy. Chuck: C-Calm down. Calm down. Okay. Look, Jeff, I totally understand your plight. We sympathize with you, okay? And we don't judge. Just tell us what exactly happened? Jeff: We were across the street at Bennigan's and I got cut off again... Lester: Jeff. If you're going to tell the story, please... don't butcher it. We were at Benni's, enjoying the deep-fried sampler, and we decided to come back to the store for a nightcap in boss man's private stash. It's off. (groans) Rock and roll. Jeff: We have the store to ourselves. We should take off all our clothes. Lester: Don't make me uncomfortable to be alone with you. Go get it. Jeff: Bingo. Yes. No. No, no, no. Lester: Jeffrey! It's a wasted mission now. It's a wasted mission. We've gotta do something exciting while we're here, man. Jeff: We can burn it down. Lester: I was thinking more along the lines of a... fishing expedition. And that, friends... is the story of the missing marlin. Chuck: And where is the marlin now? Lester: I'm afraid I'm going to need a little compensation. (cries out) At Chuck's! We took it to Chuck's pad! Chuck: What? My apartment? Why? Lester: We didn't want to get busted with Big Mike's fish. Lester: I'm going to need lotion. Sarah: We're pursuing the receiver. We've got the location, and it shouldn't be long before recovery. Beckman: Stay with the receiver. In the meantime we've decided to extract Chuck. Sarah: What? But we don't know he's in danger. Beckman: There's a chance the identity of the Intersect has been compromised. We have to err on the side of caution. Sarah: You promised we had 48 hours. Beckman: You know the game, Agent Walker. The order has gone out. Chuck is coming in. Chuck; Come on. Chuck, you're looking for a marlin. Hey, hey, whoa. Whoa, stop, stop. I seriously doubt that these geniuses had time to reupholster the couch. It's got to be here somewhere. Ellie: Chuck? Chuck; Hey, sis. Ellie: John. Hi. What are you two up to? What's going on with the apartment? Chuck: I'll clean it up later. Right now, we're looking for something. Ellie: What is it? Chuck: Look, I-I promise you whatever you want to talk about is not as important as what we're looking for right now. Okay. Ellie: What are you looking for? Chuck: A stuffed fish. Ellie: A fish? Chuck: Marlin, actually, about four feet long. Got a spear-like nose. And a mouth. Yeah. Ellie: Okay, Chuck, I get it. Besides, if anything really important were going on, you have plenty of people in your life you can talk to about it. Chuck: Hey, Ellie, wait. Ellie: What? Oh! Chuck: I love you. Just in case. Ellie: Just in case of what? Chuck: Uh... . Just-just in case I can't find the fish. Ellie: I suppose you haven't talked to Morgan. Chuck; No. Why? Ellie: Because he left here last night with a four-foot long marlin. Casey: He's mine. Conway: And you know nothing about the stolen merchandise? Morgan: No, sir. Officer. Detective. Big Mike: Where's my fish, Grimes? Conway: Mr. Tucker, please. Big Mike: The merchandise is insured. That fish cost me 200 bucks on eBay. Morgan: Wait, you bought that fish? Conway: That will be all, Mr. Grimes. Morgan: What did you use for bait, PayPal? Conway: Grimes, out! Morgan; All right. Yes, sir. Jeff: You cracked, didn't you? Lester: You are so weak. Jeffrey: You are so weak, man. Morgan: How am I weak, dude? I didn't say anything. In fact, I told... How am I supposed to believe that? Big Mike: Bartowski! You're up. Casey: I got the scraggly troll. Chuck: I-I did not rob the store. Big Mike: Did I ask you that? Already he's talking about stolen goods. You might as well come out and admit you did it. Please. Conway: Let me handle the investigation. Now, Mr. Bartowski, we believe this was an inside job. Big Mike: None of these other imbeciles could even tie their shoes without Bartowski's say-so. If there's a ringleader, you're looking at him. Where's my fish, Bartowski? ! Casey: Okay, start talking. From the beginning. Morgan; Okay. Um... I was born a Cesarean section. And I always felt like I was robbed of that headlong voyage through the uterine canal. Casey: Where's the marlin, moron? Morgan: Ah, the elusive fish. Sure. That's a tale for the ages. Casey: Start talking or I'll pull each and every one of these hairs out of your face, one at a time, starting with this one. (groans) Morgan: trture? Hey, if you're trying to get me to talk, you are using the wrong tactic, brother. Casey: Really? What's the right tactic? Morgan: My own personal kryptonite: Grape soda. On the rocks, please. Conway: Conway. Excuse me, I have to take this. I got this. Big Mike: Ah. You don't want to talk, Bartowski? We'll just have to turn the heat up on you. Morgan: Mm-hmm. There we go. Ah. Proper. So, it all started with "The Next Call of Duty" game... Now, I don't really consider it stealing, since I see Chuck and I as being life partners and therefore, community property. Using my own personal entrance, I went into Chuck's room to play the game. Yessss! And when I reached into the bag, I discovered a... I found a, uh... I can't go on. This is just getting a little personal. Casey: All right, new tactic: You finish the story or I put your head through the wall. Morgan: Okay, someone wasn't hugged enough as a child. Casey: Ugh. That's horrible. Morgan: It's better on the rocks, that's why I told you to... Anyway, there I was... staring at the most horrific object the world has ever seen. Noooooo! Ellie: What? Morgan, you scared me to death! What is wrong with you? Morgan: No, no, no, no, no... no, it's Chuck. Ellie: Well, what is it? What happened? Morgan: We've lost him, Ell. We've lost him forever. You better sit down. Um... I don't know how to say this. He's gone. Ellie: Morgan, what are you talking about? Morgan: I'm talking about this. Chuck's going to propose to Sarah. And that's pretty much the whole story. More or less. Ellie and I bonded over the fact that, you know, he didn't include us in this life decision. But, hey, who cares, you know, he's got you now, so... Casey: What does that have to do with the fish? Morgan: F-Fish? Who cares about the fish? John, Chuck's getting married! Lester: Pitas are here. Hey. Hey. Lizzie: You've had 29 deliveries, so I dropped in your free baba ganoush. Really? Lizzie: Uh Huh Chuck: 29 deliveries. 29 bugs. Wait a second. Morgan: Oh, lunch! Thank you. Lizzie: Ooh! Chuck: "Boobies. " Jackpot. Gotcha! Good thing Jeff and Lester are pervs. Big Mike: I can see you're sweating it. Conway; So... you ready to tell us what happened here last night? Chuck: I'm telling you guys, I have no idea. Big Mike: Fine. There's other ways to make you talk. Time to send you back to gen pop. He sung like a canary! Thanks for the info, Chuck. John Casey! You're next! Casey: One sec. Big Mike: What? Can't fit the police into your social schedule? Get in here now, or you and I are taking a trip downtown! Casey:,If you have a second, Mr. Casey, we'd appreciate it. Lester: I can't believe you told Casey you put the marlin in Chuck's room. Morgan: What? Don't worry. I moved it into the freezer at the Wienerlicious. Lester: Wow, I'm impressed with you. Morgan: Thank you. Lizzie; Bye. Lester: What? Where you going? Where you going? Where you going, Lizzie? Lizzie? Where's she going? Sarah: Can I help you? Lizzie: Yeah. I was wondering if I could get something out of your freezer. Sarah: Oh, uh, I'm sorry. It's company policy. The kitchen is usually off- limits for non-employees. Lizzie: Okay, then I'll have to use my special pass... You're no hot dog maker. Sarah: Bring it on, pita girl. We're closed! We're closed! Lizzie: Where's the fish? Chuck: We need to talk. It's an emergency. Morgan: Oh, listen, no, hey, hey, hey, Chuck, Chuck, it's okay, man, I know about you and Sarah. Man, and how she's more than just your girlfriend. What? Chuck: Morgan, stay. But I... Sta... stay! Hello. Awesome: After careful consideration of all potential proposals, I have made a decision. Chuck: Oh, let me guess: Naked 2K run? Awesome: Dinner, Chuck. Romantic, candlelit dinner, just the two of us. The coup de grâce... Wow. Good. molten lava cake with a two-carat diamond ring filling. Chuck; Ellie will really love that. Look, Devon, just-just promise me that you'll take care of my sister if anything were to happen. Awesome: What's gonna happen? Oh, hey, cake hits the oven in two hours. Don't be late. Chuck: What am I gonna do? Morgan: Do nothing. You haven't given Sarah the ring yet. Dude, there's plenty of time to call this whole thing off. Chuck: Sarah? Ring? Morgan: Yeah, the ring you got Sarah. The one I kind of took out of your locker. Chuck: You mean... the ring that Awesome got for Ellie. Morgan: Oh, thank God, man. Are you kidding? I thought I lost you, pal! Chuck: Morgan... where is the ring? Morgan: It's kind of complicated but... It's in the freezer at the Wienerlicious. I put it in Big Mike's marlin and I... I was gonna put it back. Ow! Lizzie: Slide it to me. Now! Chuck: Hey! Hi, S... No... No, no! No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no! (distant): Sarah: Help! Chuck: Sarah? Sarah: Lizzie's the mole. She got the receiver, Chuck. Chuck: Oh, my God, Sarah, it's over. They're gonna stick me in some tiny cell with no windows. Sarah: Okay, Chuck, I need you to focus. We can get Lizzie if you can get me out of here. Chuck: How? Sarah: I keep a backup piece in the jar of horseradish sauce. Chuck; Horseradish? Who-Who-Who puts horseradish on hot dogs? Chuck! Got it. Right. Chuck: Hide it someplace nobody would look-- good. Sarah: Great. Okay. Chuck: Oh! Whoa. I got it. Okay. Sarah: Okay, now sht the lock. Chuck; Um, look, Sarah, I've never really fired a gn before, okay? And I've actually done this on purpose to avoid any unpleasant side effects like shting myself or others. Sarah: Just sht the lock or I will sh*t you when I get out of here! (gasping) Chuck: Okay. Get back. Ready? Ready? Get back. One... Two... Sarah: Take the safety off first. Chuck: One, one sec... just a little problem. Conway: Bartowski, Big Mike told me I'd find you here. Drop the gn, Bartowski! Now! Chuck: No, no, no, no need to sh*t. It's not my gn, it's not my gn-- my girlfriend is locked in the freezer, and if you let her out she can explain everything. Conway: Okay, let's go. She's right... Come on, move. Okay, okay. Chuck: Just look in... Conway: Nice try. Chuck: Go, go, go! Look in the freezer, please! Just look in the freezer. She's right there. You're taking this thing a little seriously. What kind of cop are you? Casey: Where's Big Mike's fish? Morgan: What are you now, huh? Big Man's personal Gestapo? Come on, you can't break me, fool. At the Wienerlicious. Sarah: Help! Casey: Sarah. Stand back. Sarah: The delivery girl is the mole. The detective took Chuck. Awesome: Where are you, Chuck? I need the ring. This is not awesome. Conway: And the package, HQ. This is Long Shore. Chuck: You're not a cop. Sarah: We've identified the enemy agent. Casey: She was posing as a Pita Parlour delivery girl. Code name Lizzie. Beckman: So she escaped with the receiver? Sarah: Yes, but she made a phone call. We're currently tracing the cell signature, and we can triangulate her location. We just need more time. Graham: As soon as you locate her, take her out. Sarah: Uh, one of us needs to go and get Chuck out of police custody. He was arrested just... Beckman: The Intersect is no longer your concern, Agent Walker. Sarah: I... I don't understand. Beckman: Detective Conway is CIA. Graham: Chuck is on his way to the extraction point right now. We've decided to transfer him to lockdown immediately. Is there a problem? Sarah: Uh, no. No. I just thought I would handle his transfer. Beckman: Forget about Chuck, Agent Walker. Focus on catching that FULCRUM agent. Casey: We're on it. We, meaning, I go get Lizzie while you find Chuck. Well, don't make me change my mind. Chuck: So... this is it, huh? Going to get my own padded cell. Do I get a bed, or is my whole room kind of like a bed? Conway: It's not as bad as it sounds. The underground complex where you will be living has state-of-the-art security and amenities. You'll even be allowed outside to visit controlled locations. Chuck: Hold on. I-I... I can't leave without telling Ellie something, a reason for going. What should I say? Conway: Nothing. It's safer for them if you just... disappear. Conway: Asset is ready for extraction. Send in the chopper. Sarah: Long Shore! Conway: Is there a problem, Agent Walker? Chuck: Sarah, thank God you're here. Listen, I-I don't... I don't want to go yet. I... Sarah: It's okay, Chuck. Agent Casey is tracking the FULCRUM mole. He should have her in custody soon, so we can hold off on the Chuck transfer for the time being. Conway: If there was a change in the operation, I would have been contacted. I have my orders. Sarah: We don't have to do this. This is a judgment call. Okay, we can just hold Chuck here until we know for sure. Conway: His cover was blown. He's gone. Sarah: No. I will take full responsibility. Chuck is my asset; he's my guy. Just... Just give us more time, please. Chuck: I'd appreciate it. I really would. Sarah: Please don't do this. Conway: Okay. You've got one minute. One minute. Chuck: I'm not ready, Sarah. I'm not ready to disappear. Sarah: No. I know, I know. Chuck: I need you to talk to Ellie and to Morgan and my friends, and-and- and-and tell 'em... I don't know. I... Look, if I'm supposed to be dad, just say something that will make it okay, that will make 'em feel all right. Just make sure they know how much I love 'em. You can do that, right? Course you can. You're Sarah. You can do anything. And, hey, there's a silver lining to this, too, you know, 'cause we're not working together anymore, which means, we can go on a date. You can come by my cell, and we can hang out, and you can tell me who the president is. And maybe, uh... maybe we can see how we really feel. Conway: Time's up. Chuck: Good-bye, Sarah. Sarah: Chuck? I'll save you later. (gn) Chuck: Oh! Sarah: Oh! Chuck, get down. (gn) Go, go, go! Lizzie: I listened to the receiver. Both: She knows. Lizzie: Do you know how many agents are looking for Bryce Larkin? And all this time, the Intersect was here. Wait until my superiors find out. Chuck: Okay, look, what if I surrender, and you run? I mean, I'm going in a cell anyway. What's the difference? Sarah: trture. Chuck: Okay, no surrender. Lizzie: I only have one question, Chuck. Who's the ring for? Chuck: She has Ellie's engagement ring? Sarah: Try to distract her. Chuck: What? ! How? Lizzie: Chuck, I'm not gonna to go away. Chuck: Okay... okay, look, look, look. You really... You really want to take me in? You're going to have to sweeten the deal a little bit for me. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Uh, look. Look, the CIA-- they're offering me a nice padded cell, real cush. Can you bat that? I'm a guy who enjoys a... a good steam. Can you do... ? Can you do maybe a steam room or something? Lizzie: I don't think you're really in a position to bargain, Chuck. I have two g*n. What do you have? Sarah: Me. Chuck: Don't break the ring. Whoa! Oh! Oh! Casey: Hey! Bartowski, get out of the way. Chuck: There's really some serious spy fighting going on. Casey: Get down, Bartowski. Chuck: Sarah! (grunts) Casey: I had a feeling that girl was dirty. Big Mike: Norman. The power of positive thinking. Awesome: This was an amazing night. As it always is with... But, sometimes, I know life isn't always awesome. What I'm trying to say is that, when things get rough, I want to face them together, the good times and the bad. . Chuck: Oh! Oh! Oh! Ladies' feminine products. That's not good. That's not good. Are you, uh... Are you sure ? Are you sure that Lizzie didn't have the ring on her? Sarah; When they took her away, all she had was the receiver. Chuck: Oh, then it's got to be here somewhere. Sarah: You know, Chuck, if we can't find it, we can just replace it. Chuck: Look, look, look, it-it was Awesome's great-granny's ring, and it's going to be my sister's, okay? Even if its covered in coffee grounds and miscellaneous DNA. Awesome: I have a ring, I have the blessing of your brother. Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Eleanor Faye Bartowski? Captain: Ooh. Almost woke her up. Chuck: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Ah! Hey! Oh, I found it! Let's go. I'm so sorry... but it might be a little dirty. Awesome: Way to go, Chuck. I always knew you could handle my family jewels. So to speak. Chuck: Uh, when she's sleeping really hard like that, sometimes, if you pinch her nose, it'll wake... Right. I'm going to... Oh, okay. Mission accomplished. Sarah: I can't believe we pulled it off. Chuck: That'll make one hell of a story at their wedding. Which I'm never allowed to talk about under fear of death-- understood. I have other material. Sarah: You want to? Chuck: What, spy? You? She looks so happy. Sarah: Yeah, she does. Chuck: I couldn't leave them yet. Sarah: You don't have to worry about that. You're safe. Chuck: Yeah, safe for now, though. Right. I mean... they keep getting closer. Eventually, they're going to figure out who I am. Sarah: Don't you think you should go in and congratulate Ellie? Chuck: You want to come in with me? Sarah: Oh, it's family time. Chuck: I know. Sarah: Well, good night. CHUCK (laughing): Hey! Hey, buddy. Yeah. Hmm. Casey: We can only keep him here for so long. You realize that, don't you? Ellie: I love you, sweetie. I love you. I'm sorry I had to keep it a secret for a little while.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "01x13 - Chuck Versus the Marlin"}	foreverdreaming
Chuck; Before you do anything rash, I think you should know that I have the Cipher. Colt: Hand it over right now. Chuck: Don't you think we should discuss terms first? Colt: Now... who are you? Chuck: You know what? You probably wouldn't believe me. Oh! Oh! Colt: Last chance. Who are you? Chuck: Chuck. Colt: Okay. Now, tell me everything, Chuck. Chuck: There is no way he's going to believe me. And I don't blame him. I mean, who would believe that the government put all their secrets into one super computer- the Intersect. And all those secrets got downloaded into my brain. Of course I can't tell this guy that. Oh! O-Okay, okay. Okay, see th-the thing is I-I kind of sort of work for the CIA and the NSA in my off hours when I'm not working at the store. It's kind of like a second job for me. And though I don't look it- being lanky of build- you should know that I'm probably the most important intelligence asset in the world. Colt: That is the single dumbest story I've ever heard. Chuck: That very well may be, but... if you drop me, there are a couple of people who are going to be very, very upset. Meet Sarah and Casey. They're here to protect me. That's Sarah. She works for the CIA. Believe me, I know. And that's Casey. He works for the NSA. He's not as pretty. Casey: Let the geek go! Sarah: Wait! Not out the window. Casey: Aren't we picky. Chuck: Nice hands, Casey. Sarah: Why didn't you stay in the car? Chuck: You know what? It's never safe in the car. Casey: Well, did you get it? Tell me you got it. Chuck: I got it. 'Course I got it. It's me. Graham: Excellent work, Sarah, Casey. Our transporters will be taking the Cipher out of Los Angeles. Sarah: General, what exactly is the Cipher? I mean, mercenaries break into the NSA lab, and it's the only thing they take? Beckman; The Cipher is the artificial brain for the new Intersect computer. Chuck: The new Intersect? Graham; We've been working on a new one ever since the original Intersect was destroyed. The Cipher is the final piece. Chuck: Uh, wait, time out just for a second here. What-what happens to me, the old Intersect? Graham: Tomorrow, the new computer will be online, and Operation Bartowski officially comes to an end. You'll be done with us. No more briefings, no more missions, no more spies. Enjoy the rest of your life, Chuck. Sarah: Are you okay, Chuck? Chuck: Huh? Yeah, I'm, uh, uh... I mean, I-I don't believe it, but-but, uh, I- I think I'm great! Sarah: You're going to get your old life back. Chuck: Yeah, I was starting to think that you and Casey were going to be my spy protectors forever. Or, whatever the adult version of forever is. Sarah: Don't tell me you're going to miss all of this. Chuck: No. No, of course not. I don't think I'm really cut out for a job where you disarm a bmb, steal a diamond, and then jump off a building. Sarah: Well, you could have fooled me. Chuck: That's very kind of you to say, but I'm pretty sure my girlish screams in the face of danger give me away. Sarah: So, what happens now? You're almost free. What are you going to do next? Chuck: Well, you know I got the Buy More... Sarah: Chuck, can I tell you something? Chuck: Of course. Sarah: You can do anything. I've seen you in action. And I'm not just talking about the bmb defusing, or the diamond stealing. I mean, anything you wanted, you could have. Casey: I thought you might call. Beckman: Major Casey, you understand the situation? We can't have another Intersect wandering around Los Angeles getting into trouble. Casey: General, Chuck may be a novice spy, but the results speak for themselves. Surely we can find another exit strategy. Beckman: You have your orders, Major. Tomorrow night, eliminate Chuck Bartowski Casey: I used to like the sound of that. CHUCK 201 Awesome: Morning, Chuck. Chuck: My eyes! Oh, I'm blind! I'm blind! Okay, first of all, congratulations, Devon. On the... On what- You know whatever God gave you there. Second of all, the door was not locked, so I'm not a complete pervert. And third of all, this is just another reminder of why I need my own place. Ellie: There's no rush, Chuck. It's great having you here. Chuck: So, Ellie, I've been, I've been thinking a lot about stuff, you know, like, uh, my life and my job. Awesome: Unburden yourself, Chuck- where's that head of yours? Chuck: I don't know, I just think you guys are right, you know? I shouldn't, I shouldn't be working at a Buy More, right? I should have a real job with a real future. Ellie: What happened? Chuck: You know when you meet someone and they just kind of, you know, they-they flip you on your head, just shake things up, a little bit? Awesome: You're talking about a Mr. Tony Robbins. Chuck: So close. Uh-huh. And yet so far away. Honestly. Oh! I got to go. I'm sorry. We'll talk about it later. Ellie: No, no. Talk to me, Chuck; I need to know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Chuck: No, no, it's a... it's a good thing. It's a very- it's not a Tony Robbins cult thing. I want this, so. Okay. Ellie: Okay, great, well, then I'm really happy for you. I'm, like, super excited right now, and I'm just trying to keep it in. Chuck: Of course. Ellie: So... Chuck: Which is healthier, I think. Ellie: I'm proud of you. Chuck: Thank you. Ellie: I'm so proud of you! Chuck:Okay, I love you. See ya. BUY MORE Hey. Morgan: Chuck, come here. Chuck; Hey. What's up, buddy? Morgan: Large Mart gons; they could be anywhere. I don't want them to see this. Chuck: What is this? Morgan: Compound level from Call of Duty. After our last battle with those Large Mart douches, I started to work on this. Planning how we could take 'em all out. All right, listen up. Here are the specs, are you ready? 23 infantry troopers, 16 snpers, seven heavy gn, four demolitions experts, and enough ammniton to orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger. 50 gamers, one call, all ready for battle. With this team assembled, and my plan, I think we can bat 'em. Chuck: Morgan, you are my new hero. Morgan: I know. Chuck: Be right with you. Morgan: I know. Chuck: Uh, hey, uh, can I talk to you about this later? Morgan: Uh, roger that. Oh, Big Mike was looking for you. I told him I would send you his way as soon as you arrived. Chuck: Message delivered. Your work here is done. Hey, Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Um, do you have a second? Just a quick, quick second. Casey: Not now, I've got a single white female pining for TheBeastmaster. Chuck: It's a quick- it's just a quick second I promise. Casey: What is it? Chuck: Just wanted to say thank you. Casey: I'm leaving. Chuck: No, hey, hey, wait, wait, wait. Hand. Sorry. I was- Forget about that. Um, look, I just... I just want to say I'm going to miss you, man. You know, and-and-and thank you for showing me how to do things that I never thought were possible, and, and you know what? You were always there to catch me when I fell, which sounds horribly cheesy now that I'm saying it aloud. Casey: Really. Forget it. Big Mike: Bartowski! Bartowski, Bartowski. Chuck: Yes, Big Mike? Big Mike; The assistant managership. The number-two spot here at the Buy More, my right-hand man, the captain of the ship when I'm not around, which, as we both know, is often. Chuck: Uh-huh. Here's the thing- corporate is on my ass to fill the spot, but I really don't want to interview those characters out there. Chuck: Your employees? Big Mike: Exactly, they scare me, Chuck. So... want the job? Well, Chuck, do you? Morgan: All hail the once and future assistant manager- Chuck Bartowski! Chuck; Huh? Morgan: The sleeper has awoken! Chuck; Morgan... Morgan; Behold the dawn of a new age here at the Buy More. I, as your lieutenant, will institute policies that we've have always wanted. Right, team? Lester: Hooray. Anna: Hurrah. Morgan: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Chuck: Morgan, I didn't take the job. Morgan: What? Why, oh, why, oh, why, Chuck? Chuck: I'm also here to inform you that Big Mike has ordered me to interview and choose the new assistant store manager as my punishment. Lester: References go to you, Charles? Chuck: Or Morgan! Jeff: See ya; I got a resumé to nail. Anna: If I get the job, you should quiver in fear. Morgan: Listen to me, listen to me. Chuck, Chuck, you being the A. M. and me being the right hand to the A. M. was what we always dreamed of. Chuck; I'm not, I'm not completely convinced that the Buy More is where I want to work forever, you know. Morgan: Got it. Where would we work then? Where would... where would we... Chuck; We? Uh, I don't know. Wherever. Morgan: It's Sarah, right? She's finally done it. Chuck: No, what, done what? Morgan: You know, it makes perfect sense, too, come to think of it. I mean, if you were going to choose someone over me and all that we've built, it should be her. I mean, she is- unironically speaking- awesome. ORANGE ORANGE YOGURT & FUN Chuck: Hey. Sarah: Hey. Chuck: So can I be completely honest? Sarah: Yeah. Chuck: I miss the Wienerlicious. I mean, the Bavarian charm and the toxic nacho cheese that you guys had there. Sarah: My clothes smelled like sausage. Chuck: Nostalgia completely gone. Sarah: So what's up? Chuck: You want to go on a date sometime? I mean a date without aliases and spy gear and a mission? Sarah: Like a real date? Chuck; Yeah. Sarah: Chuck... I'm still a CIA agent, and there are a hundred reasons why I shouldn't do that. Chuck: What do you have to lose? In a week, you're going to be undercover in some place like Jakarta in a Knfe fight with some evil-doer, and in that exact moment, you're going to wish that you would've spent one last... night of fun with me. Sarah: Okay. Chuck: Really? Sarah: Mm-hmm. Chuck: Tonight. Our first real date. Sarah: Or our second first date. Chuck: No gn, I promise. Sarah : Okay. Chuck: Okay. Ellie: Hey. Hey, date tonight? Chuck: Yeah, yeah- we're going to go grab some Chinese food and then maybe ht The Echo after that. Ellie: Did you hear that, Devon? Do you recognize the sound of a proper date when you hear it? Awesome: My tnk's empty, babe. Ellie: That's my future husband. What about you? Any revelations? Any ideas about what you're going to do next? Chuck; Um... yeah, a few. Ellie: If you say "pilot the Millennium Falcon, " I will ht you. Chuck: I- why would I say that? That's absurd. I'm going to be a ninja assassin. Ellie: No, try again. Chuck: Um... Olympic... Ellie: Unh-uh. Chuck: Secret agent. Ellie: This is what happens when you sit in front of the television set too long. Seriously, what are you going to do? Chuck: I- I don't know. I've got a bunch of ideas, you know? A bunch of things to think about and choose from. I mean, I want to go finish college. I mean, I think that's important. And I want to travel and... I don't know. I want to learn an obscure language that, you know, only really cool people know. Oddly enough, not one of my dreams includes working at the Buy More for another week. Ellie: Huh? Well, look who's growing up. Chuck: That'll be Sarah. Morgan: What's up, dude? I know you have a date. Not gonna get in the way. Just wondering if you have five to 45 minutes to test out a new Call of Duty strategy? Ellie: Chuck... Chuck; Baby steps, sis. Baby steps. Casey: Yeah? Messenger. Pickup call placed by one G. Beckman. Casey: Verification code? Morning glory. Casey: Hmm. Where's your backup? Messenger: It's done. I've got the Cipher. Colt: Go to the second location. We have two more targets. Chuck: Ready to go? Sarah: Yeah. Sarah: WOW, THIS FOOD IS GOOD. So how'd you hear about this place, anyway? Chuck: Morgan, as a matter of fact. The man has a black belt in dumplings. I trust any recommendation he gives me for food items less than ten dollars. Sarah: So our first date is a Morgan recommendation? Chuck: Wow, no faith in the little bearded man. Okay. I think you should know he's always been supportive of our fake relationship. And he's never found it remotely unbelievable that a guy like me could be dating, um... You know. Sarah: What? Chuck; Um... you know, you. Sarah: What about me? Chuck: You're really going to make me say it, aren't you? You- wow, okay. Fine. All right, we'll play it your way. A girl like you. Or more appropriately, a woman like you. . Considering the fact that you could probably kick the ass of everyone in this joint. And a... a smart one at that. Not to mention cool and... extremely beautiful. And, and you can stop me anytime with the compliments if they're becoming, you know... Sarah: No. No, that was very sweet. Chuck: Sweet? Golly gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm eight. Sarah: Well, you're not so bad yourself. Chuck: Please. I'm fantastic. Sarah: Yeah. You are. Chuck; What would Casey think if he knew we were doing this right now? Sarah: It would probably kll him. Casey: Sorry, sir. Chuck: So does it say where you're, uh, going next? Your new mission? Sarah; Actually, it does. Chuck: Really? Sarah: No, not really. Besides, it doesn't work that way. They'll probably give me a new cover, and move me as far away from here as possible. Chuck: What if they didn't? Sarah: Chuck, a CIA officer doesn't get to choose. Chuck; You know, I- I still have an awful lot of secrets in my head: the Lindbergh baby, the formula for New Coke... Sarah: What are you saying, Chuck? Chuck: What I've always wanted to say, Sarah. No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no, not now. Not now. OFFENSES gn trffick, DRUG OFFENSE Oh, oh, oh... Sarah: Chuck, what is it? Chuck: We're surrounded. Sarah, you have your gn, right? Sarah: Nope. Chuck; What? Why not? Sarah: You don't bring a gn on a real date. Colt: Hello again, Chuck. Sarah: And you are? Colt: My name is Mr. Colt. And I need you to come with me. Sarah: Now why would we do that, Mr. Colt? Colt; 'Cause I assume you find me imposing. Don't worry, be honest. I'm going for imposing. Chuck; Mission accomplished. Colt: Well, I'll tell you what. The people that hired me... give me the heebie-jeebies. Chuck: You know, when you put it in context like that, I-I... Colt: Let's go. We'll take care of the check. Chuck: Um, you know, are you sure? The moo goo gai pan is very expensive here, so we could probably go Dutch or something. How much do bad guys normally tip? Sarah. Colt: Move and she dies. What is that? Sarah: It's a honing device. Chuck: Is that a Crown Victoria? Sarah: Move! Casey: Hey! Somebody order drive-thru? Sarah: GET UP!GET UP! COME ON! GET IN THE CAR! Go! Go! Casey, drive! DRIVE! Chuck: Oh! Oh! Oh! Somebody order drive-thru, huh? Did you think that up as you were racing over to save us? "Hey, maybe I'll say this after I crash into the restaurant!" Sarah: Casey, we have to go back and find out who they work for. Casey: Too many of 'em, we can't. Chuck: Well, at least we still have the Cipher. Casey: Yeah, about that... Looks like you're still the Intersect, Chuck. Chuck: Sarah... Sarah: Don't worry, Chuck. We'll get it back. Morgan: Yo, Chuck. Got all the resumes together for you. Chuck: What? Morgan; The assistant manager spot. You have to pick our boss, man. Chuck: You know what, Morgan? I'm making my decision right now. I want you to be the assistant manager. Morgan: Whoa, Chuck, relax. Let's think about this. See, I have this perfect system for doing as little work as possible. It's a science, really, doing nothing. A promotion at this point would destroy all my hard work. Chuck: You're telling me I have no choice. Morgan: The die has been cast. But I'm gonna be here every step of the way. Chuck: That's comforting. Morgan: Okay, so the first interview up is... Anna Wu. Chuck: Um, okay, Anna, well, your-your resume has some really interesting items. Is it true that you're trained in the art of... Anna: Tell him to leave. Chuck: I'm sorry, what? Anna: Tell Morgan to leave. Chuck: I'm just trying to find the right applicant, buddy, that's all. Anna: It's scented. Chuck: Is it? Anna: Rose. Oh, honey, would you close the door? Thank you. Thanks, sugar. We're alone. Chuck: Anna, what exactly are you doing? Anna: Relax. I like making my boyfriend nervous. Chuck: Howdy. Howdy. Hey. What is this? Is this trash? Am I supposed to throw this away? Jeff: It's my resume Chuck; You-You've, uh, you've been working here since the store opened? Very detailed. Very thorough. I'm noticing here that you have a Wikipedia entry... Lester: Bingo. ... Chuck: of yourself. Lester; I have a certain following. Anna: What do you think he thinks is happening in here right now? Chuck: An interview, I hope. Well, um, you know, that's actually something that I never, ever wanted to know about you. Jeff: What else can I tell you? Morgan: Nothing. No, no, no, no. Chuck, you know what? No more questions. Guy needs professional help. Chuck; That's not, that's not called for. Or... or welcome. Very unwelcome, actually. Lester; I take care of my friends, Chuck. I, uh... I help those who help me. Chuck: Okay, here's the thing: We're at the Buy More, and this is not the mafia. LInteresting, interesting. Morgan: Hey, whoa. Mr. Bartowski's conducting an interview. I... Lester: Oh, wow. That happens a lot. Deserved. Chuck: Okay. Uh, Lester, could you excuse me for a second? And, Morgan, I need to talk to Casey by myself, thanks. No, yeah, absolutely, it was great. Yeah, take your resume. Great job, awesome. Get out of here, please. Morgan, now, now, now! Move it, move it, move it! Shut the door. Casey: What is it? Chuck; I know where they are. Casey: Who? Chuck: Who? What do you mean, who? Colt! The guy who smashed you in the face last night. Yeah, I flashed on your scar. It's the emblem for their organization. They have a secret hideout downtown. Warehouse 17 on 103rd Street. We'll hop in the Herder... Casey: Cool your jets, hotshot. I'll call it in. Chuck: What do you mean call it in? There's no time! They could be on the move already. Casey: Relax. I'm not gonna rush us into a hideout situation until I'm absolutely certain we have the upper hand. We'll get the Cipher. Just might take some time. Chuck: Casey, I can't take this anymore. Do you understand what I'm saying? I cannot do this anymore! I almost died twice in the period of one day, all right? And when I'm looking at my life and what my future could be, I see that it doesn't completely suck. Your Intersect, your new Intersect is almost done. And when it is, I'm free, I'm cool, I'm clear, I'm out of here. I have a future and a life that I want to live. Casey; Future's a dangerous thing, Chuck. Doesn't always work out like you want it to. Chuck: What happened to you? You were this close to being done with me and being a real spy again. Casey: What? You don't you want me here to catch you when you fall? Chuck: No, as a matter of fact, I'd rather have you flying jets and blwing things up. Casey: Wait here. Morgan: Hey, big guy, what about the interviews, pal? Chuck: What? Uh, oh, I don't know, but you're in charge. Morgan: No, no, no. I can't, I can't do the interviews. I- I don't make decisions like that. People talk to me, and I just kind of tune them out and nod my head. I'd be making the decision blind. Chuck; Fine, fine, fine, fine, use your own method. I trust you. Morgan: Really? That such a good idea? What is my method? Chuck: Hey. Hey, what's happening? You're going down there, aren't you? Sarah: We're on it, Chuck. Chuck: What-what's back there? Casey: Well, like the sign says, yogurt and fun. Chuck: Let me come along. You got to bring Charles Carmichael. You remember, debonair superspy, who also happens to have the Intersect in his head? You know, me? I can help you guys. Casey: Charles Carmichael isn't your real name, Chuck. You made him up. You're just Chuck Bartowski, and you're not a real spy, huh? Sarah: We have a tactical team meeting us at the location that you gave Casey. We'll take down Colt and find the Cipher, and you go back to work. Chuck; Don't worry about the Buy More. I put Morgan in charge of the job search. He's got it under control. Morgan: Welcome to Thunderdome! It is the ancient way! To the victor go the spoils! One of them will be the new assistant manager and one of them will be Jeff! The fates will decide! Begin! Chuck: Anna? Jeff? Lester? Big Mike: Bartowski! Computer emergency! Chuck: Hey, where is everybody? Big Mike: Don't care. Just got a call for Nerd Herd help. They said they got a recommendation for you. Chuck: Well, can I send someone else or did they ask for me specifically? Big Mike: You know I hate taking calls. Get going! Casey: Go, go, go, open. Open up. let's go. let's go. let's go. CLEAR. Casey: Chuck was wrong. Sarah: Or he was right, and we didn't move fast enough. NOTICE YOU ARE ENTERING A FOOD PROCESSING AREA PLEASE OBSERVE THE GMP POLICY Buy More Nerd Herd. Hello. Chuck: I'm here about the... computer emergency. Colt: Hello, Chuck. Come on in. Casey: Call Chuck. I got a feeling. Sarah: Nothing. I'll try Buy More. Morgan: Yo! Sarah: Morgan, where's Chuck? Chuck: So, uh, what-what, uh, seems to be your computer problem? Colt: Here's the problem, Chuck. You saw my face and you heard my voice. Chuck: That's not a problem. That's not a problem at all. I forget things all the time. Ask my sister; I forgot her birthday. I forget my social security number. Just anything, ask me, I'll forget it. What exactly are you doing? Colt: I'm stretching, getting limber. Chuck: Why are you doing that? Colt: So I won't pull a muscle when I break your neck. Maybe you should get limber, too. Where you going? There's nobody here to help you. Oh, your friends, that's right. They're next on my "to do" list. See, you walked into a trap, Chuck... if that is your real name. Chuck: My name is Charles Carmichael. I'm a CIA agent, and this is my trap. I don't think you gentlemen realize the gravity of the predicament that you're in. See, that phone call you made to the Buy More? Yeah, we traced that. Your compound is currently surrounded by 23 infantry troopers, 16 snpers, seven heavy gn, four demolitions experts, and enough ammniton to orbit Arnold Schwarzenegger. You're outmatched and you're gn. Those sh*t you're holding might as well be sharp sticks and strong language. Nothing there, boss. Looks clear. Colt: Good try, Chuck. Chuck: Of course you don't see anyone. Who do you think we are- the FBI? The only thing you're going to see is a muzzle flash, followed by an e-ticket straight to Hell. So make the smart choice and... why don't you hand over the Cipher? Wait, w-w-wa-wai-wait, wait, wait. I think that, uh... I think that you might want to hear this. Morgan: Hey, Chuck. Chuck: Hey, Morgan. Morgan: Yeah, yeah, Chuck. Chuck: Morgan, I'd like you to tell me the exact specs for the team surrounding the compound. Morgan: The whole shebang? Chuck: The whole shebang. Morgan: Yes, sir, we have 23 infantry troopers, 16 snpers, seven heavy gn, and four demolitions experts. I should tell you I got a little impatient and we took out one of the sentries. Don't worry, it was a head sht. He couldn't warn his buddies. It was awesome, man, you should have seen it. His head exploded like a watermelon. Chuck: Thanks, Morgan. They must have got Fritz. I thought he was in the can. Chuck: One more time. Give up. Colt: He's either lying, or he's crazy. Check everywhere. Don't let anything get past you. Casey: This is Agents Casey and Walker. We're en route. Chuck: Oh, hey! Don't move. Please, don't move. Hey, no. Colt: Hand it over. Chuck: What'll you do if I give it to you? Colt: To be honest, I'm gonna drop you. Chuck: See, thi-this is what I'm talking about. We got to work on your negotiating skills. How about this? How about you pull me back up and we just discuss this like two rational adults? Colt: You know what? Chuck: What? Sarah: Freeze! Colt: It ain't worth it. Sarah: No! Colt: Your boyfriend's dad now, baby. What you gonna do? Chuck: You, you... Casey: Yeah, I catch you when you fall. It's touching, really. Chuck: No, no, I love you. Casey: Keep it in your pants, Bartowski. Now get downstairs. Casey: Freeze. Okay, enough with the foreplay. Step away from the blonde. Colt: Ah, you know you got to put that gn down. 'CAUSE YOU'RE SURROUNDED. (Ain't nobody else here. ) Meet the rest of my men. Chuck: Excuse me. Excuse me, hi. Sorry to, uh... uh, sorry to interrupt whatever's going on here, but, uh, Mr. Colt, I just wanted you to meet my team. Tell me something. Do you find them imposing? Go ahead, you can be honest. I was going for imposing. Sarah: Chuck. Chuck: Carmichael. Agent Carmichael. Maybe you could go ahead and put your wapon down. I said put your wapon down! Oh, there you go, there you- and then, and then the hands up to imply that your hands are empty. Colt: Your boss, Carmichael. Casey: What? Colt: He's good. Chuck: Don't worry, I- I-I'm fine. Sarah: Do you have the Cipher? Please tell me you have it. Chuck: Of course I have it. It's me. Beckman: Major Casey. Hope I'm not interrupting. Casey: The new Intersect ready? Beckman: We're minutes away. Casey; Which means... Beckman: Your order remains the same. Chuck Bartowski is to be eliminated. What was that, Casey? Casey: Nothing, General. It's just... Chuck's served his country with honor. Maybe he even has potential as an analyst for the organization. Beckman: I unders... Graham: Let me, General. Major Casey, can you extract these secrets from Mr. Bartowski's head? Can you guarantee him safety from kidnapping, from t*rture? Casey: No. Graham: Then it's clear. Chuck Bartowski has served his country with honor. Now he'll die with honor to protect it. Ellie: You sure you can handle it? Chuck; Yeah, yeah, I think I can do this, thank you. Plus, I've wanted to cook dinner for Sarah for a while, so... Ellie: You have many skills, Chuck, but the kitchen is not one of them. Chuck: Oh, but that's why they call it Hamburger Helper. Hello, does most of the heavy lifting for me. I'm making that, uh, that chicken with balsamic glaze, the one thing Dad taught me how to make. Ellie: But Dad couldn't cook either. Awesome: Babe, you ready? Mongolian BBQ beckons. Going for the record, Chuck. Seven pounds, shredded beef. I've been fasting. Ellie: Please, let me help you. Chuck: The man has been on a hunger strike. Come on, go eat, I'll be fine. Ellie: You sure about that? Chuck: Yeah. Yes, I'll be fine. Oh, hey, and I also had an idea for what I'm going to do. I was thinking maybe, like, Eurorail through Europe, uh, you know, backpacking, that kind of thing. Ellie: That sounds... Awesome; Awesome. Remind me to tell you about Amsterdam, my man. Lovely city, lot of canals. Ellie: It's a great idea, Chuck; good luck tonight. Awesome: Good luck, bud. Chuck: Hey, you, too. And remember, buddy, pace yourself. It's a marathon. All right. INTERSECT INITIALIZING... FULCRUM THANKS YOU. Chuck: So, Sarah, what do you, what do you think of, um, what do you think of Europe? You, me, a couple of... Eurorail passes? Just seeing the world. Seeing, seeing the world. What the hell? Ask her... Hey, Sarah. Sarah: Chuck. Chuck: What is it? Sarah: We have to call off the date. The Intersect was destroyed. Chuck: What? But the Cipher... Sarah: It was a Trojan horse, a sabotage device. The moment it came online, it exploded. Chuck: But that means... Sarah: You're still the only Intersect. I'm sorry. Lester: Hello, Charles. Chuck: Chuck's fine. Lester: No, actually, he isn't. You see, as the assistant manager and your boss, it's my duty to inform you that I have had several complaints from customers about you. Chuck: Oh, you have, have you? Lester: Not specifically. But I haven't had any compliments, and in my book that's the same thing. Yeah? Good. Morgan: How's it going, Chuck? Chuck: How's it going? That's a, that's a great question. I'll tell you, buddy. I just had a vision, okay? A vision of the rest of my life. And you know what? It takes place in the same outfit, behind the same desk, in the same store. Morgan: Got you. Talk to Dr. Morgan. It's safe, go ahead. Chuck: I just thought I'd be going somewhere, you know, not just metaphysically or spiritually- though that, too- but literally. I want, you know, out of Burbank to, to... Morgan: Glendale. All right, listen, look at me. In all honesty, and I hope you know this, I've always been of the mind that you are destined for great things. Whatever you want to do, you can do- all right, senator, president, emperor of the known universe, whatever you want to do. You understand? Yeah. You're good. But before you go running off to change the world, I think that I should tell you that I am currently on my way to securing 45 Twinkies. Now, by which I mean 45 bags of Twinkies. Chuck: Why would you do that? Morgan: Good question. Because Jeff said he'd eat all of them in under three minutes. Now, he thinks he's eating 45, but technically speaking, he agreed to eat 90. Chuck: 90? Morgan: Yeah. Chuck: Nobody can eat 90 Twinkies. Morgan: That's what I said, dude. He may die o- or at least do extreme damage to several major organs. Chuck; This I have to see. Casey: Good to see you, Bartowski. Chuck: Hey, Casey, 90 Twinkies in three minutes. Be there. Morgan: Jeff might die. No way!	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x01 - Chuck Versus the First Date"}	foreverdreaming
Chuck; Hi. I'm Chuck. Here are a few things that you might need to know. Lester: As the assistant manager and your boss, it's my duty to inform you that I have had several complaints from customers about you. Sarah; General, what exactly is the Cipher? Beckman: The Cipher is the artificial brain for the new Intersect computer. Graham: Tomorrow, the new computer will be on-line, and Operation Bartowski will officially be over. ?? Enjoy the rest of your life, Chuck. Sarah: You can do anything. I have seen you in action. Anything you wanted, you could have. Chuck: You want to go on a date sometime? Sarah: Okay. We have to call off the date. The Intersect was destroyed. Chuck: What? But the Cipher... Sarah: It was a Trojan horse, a sabotage device. The moment it came on-line... You're still the only Intersect. Chuck: I don't get it. This time today, I was supposed to be a free man. No more Intersect. Possibly reclining on a beach with a colada and some undisclosed companion. What the hell happened? Casey: It's technical. Chuck: If it's a computer malfunction, maybe I can help? You know that's my department. Casey: It exploded into a million little pieces and Agent Graham with it. You want to help, better get yourself some rubber gloves. Chuck: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Graham is dad? Casey: We're playing for keeps here, Chuck. Chuck: Well, at the risk of sounding callous, where does that leave us with the new Intersect? Casey: If I were you, I'd get used to working at the Buy More. You ain't leaving anytime soon. ♪♪ Lester: Gentlemen, females, as the new assistant manager, I just want you to know that things are gonna run a little differently around here. Because we did our time together in the trenches, I know what screwups most of you are. For example, Jeffrey, you spend the hours of 3:00 and 5:00 sleeping in stall two of the employee bathroom. Jeff: Dude, that was our secret. Lester: Morgan? Morgan: Oh, boy. Lester: No more borrowing company DVDs and then just re-shrink-wrapping them. Morgan: What? That's outrageous, man. I've never heard of such a thing. Yeah. I'm actually insulted that you would... Lester: Oh, but... Morgan; Oh, no. Oh, okay, like... Okay, okay, company DVDs you're saying? Right. Right. Lester: Please, call me Mr. Patel, or boss, or for our Latin friend, eljefe. Questions? Morgan: Uh, Chuck, when are the we... ? Lester: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! All questions addressed directly to me. Morgan; - El jefe? Lester: Thank you. Morgan: When are we offering our low-interest Buy More credit cards? Lester: Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes. Today. Today. Morgan, get the displays out. Any other questions? Good. Dismissed! Chuck: I can't believe this is my life. Morgan, do you remember a time when I actually had potential? Morgan; Are you kidding me? Yeah, you were bursting with it. Man, I'm glad that's over with. I'm kidding. Come on, we all know that you're gonna go on to do great things, all right, great things, but until that day, just know that no matter how bad your life gets, you get to go home to that. Chuck: Is that, uh... Is that a real kiss or a cover kiss? 'Cause I'm confused right now. Sarah: It's a "we have a national security emergency, and I need to speak to you privately" kiss. Chuck; See, I knew I felt something... ♪♪ Hey, I got an idea. Why don't we blow off this whole national security thing, and go down to Mexico for a couple of days? I'll get the daiquiris if the CIA picks up the plane tickets. Coach is fine. Sarah; Chuck, I told you we can't be together. It's unprofessional. Chuck : Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but weren't you with Bryce Larkin, super spy, when you two were working together? Sarah: Bryce was a spy. You're an asset. And my job is to protect you. Chuck: Wait a minute. Why are we in a freezer? All this to protect your toppings? What the hell? This is new. What is this place? Casey: Well, CIA decided to spring for new digs. Finally, a first-rate operation. Chuck; Wow, Looks... expensive. Does this mean you guys are planning on staying for a while? Beckman: That depends on you, Chuck. Chuck: How does it depend on me? Beckman: Colt fed us a Trojan horse that blew up the Intersect. The real Cipher is still out there. Our intel tells us it may be in the possession of the former KGB operative, Sasha Banacheck. We believe she's in town to sell it. Casey: If we think she's got it, why don't we grab her and find out? Beckman: Sasha Banacheck was in a Bulgarian prison for seven years. They got nothing out of her. The good news is one agent was able to get close. He's the reason she went away, and he knows more about her than anyone alive. That agent is Roan Montgomery. Casey: Crap. The guy hates me. My supervisor in operative training. Flunked me twice. Beckman: Well, he's off the grid now. Use the Intersect to find Agent Montgomery. Chuck: All right. Guys, sounds like a blast. Really, uh, but you can count me out on this one. No more dangling me off of buildings, no more gn being pointed at my head, no more putting my life in danger. I am going back to my peaceful, quiet, albeit degrading life at the Buy More, so have fun on the mission, and really love what you've done with the place. Beckman: Is there a problem with the asset? Sarah: No problem, General. I have the situation under control. Chuck, wait. Chuck: Sarah, look, you're right, okay? I'm not a real spy. I'm not cut out for this adrenaline-pumping, chase-the-bad-guy, risk-life-and-limb daily existence. Sarah: Okay, look, the sooner we get the Cipher back, the sooner you can have the Intersect removed, and the sooner you can be free to live whatever life you choose with whomever you choose. Chuck; What are you saying? Sarah: I'm saying that you can have everything that you've always wanted. Chuck: Let me see the file. ♪♪ Okay. Uh, the guy lives in Palm Springs. He’s got a lot of lady friends. ?? ♪♪ Chuck: So, what's the deal with this Roan guy? Sarah: He's a legend in the department. Incredible spy. Real old-school James Bond type. Casey: Overrated if you ask me. Sarah: What was the class that you failed? Casey: Infiltrating and Inducement of Enemy Personnel. Sarah: Yeah, in the academy, we call it Seduction School. Casey: Yeah, like I need a class. Wait. Someone's already been here. Sarah: Yeah, and they ransacked the place. Chuck: Oh, my God. Oh, uh, maybe... maybe I should wait in the car. I'm still having nightmares about the last few dad bodies. Flight attendant: Sugar, I got a flight to catch. Chuck: This is the guy that’s supposed to help us? I'm going to be the Intersect forever. Chuck S02 ep02 Awesome; Morning, sunshine. What do you say we ht the shower for a quickie? Ellie: Sorry, Chuck. And you know what? It would be nice if we had some romance on occasion. Awesome: I got a good 42 minutes before I have to perform an emergency endotracheal intubation. Ellie: That's very funny. Do you realize that you have not taken me on one single romantic date since we've been engaged? Awesome: Took you out last week. ?? Ellie: To Subway... with Chuck and his little bearded friend. It's not exactly every girl's dream. No offense, Chuck. Chuck: None taken. Awesome: I guess I have been remiss in the romance department. Ellie: What we need to be is more like Chuck and Sarah. Chuck: Excuse me. Ellie: Every time you see her, your eyes light up. I mean, how do you keep that spark alive? Chuck: I-I... You know, I don't think I should be getting involved in... Awesome: Come on. What's the secret, bro? Chuck: You know what? We-We kind of just... You know, we pretend like we're not really dating, which is weird, I know, but it-it forces me to have to win her over again and again. And again. Ellie: That is so sweet. Honey, see, all I'm talking about is simply an evening of wining and dining. Awesome: I hear you, babe. Mission accepted. Beckman: The mission is the Cipher. The brains of the Intersect, the most important piece. Casey: If Sasha Banacheck has the Cipher, we got 24 hours max before she unloads it. Beckman: What's wrong? Did you find Agent Montgomery? Sarah: We did. It's just... he's having a bit of trouble remaining... upright. Casey: We tried everything, water, aspirin. The guy's out. ?? if we want Sasha Banacheck, it's up to us. Roan: G man, G man, G man. Hello, Giorgio. ♪♪ Casey; I suggest going old-school. trture it out of her. Roan; trture will never work. Hello, Diane. Beckman: Hello, Roan. Roan: The only way to get Sasha Banacheck is to seduce her. Casey: Well, duty calls. Roan: Not you, Agent Frankenstein. She'll peg you as CIA in an instant. We need somebody innocuous. Someone with whom she can let her guard down. Essentially, the last person in the world she'd ever suspect of being an agent. Lester: Charles, I'd like to have these Nerd Herd invoices logged into the computer by later today. Chuck; Uh, Lester, these are all from your jobs. Lester: Correct, and during your brief tenure as the assistant manager, you should have had me deal with it. You didn't. Now I have to clean up your mess. Come on, brother. Time for you to show me something. Casey: Let's go, Lover Boy. I need your services in a romantic capacity. Chuck: Oh, I'm flattered. I just hope Sarah's involved. Sarah: So, your date tonight will be with Sasha Banacheck. Chuck: Um, I'm sorry. What? You mean previously tortured in a Bulgarian prison Sasha Banacheck? Sarah: Don't worry. Casey and I will be there for cover. Just approach her at the bar, and get her to invite you up, and see if you flash on anything in her room. Chuck; One small problem. Why is she gonna choose me? Roan: Because you're not going to be you. You're going to be me. I'll teach you everything you need to know. First, the proper way to drink a martini. Hold by stem, nod to mark. Slowly tilt back. A moment to learn, a lifetime to perfect. Let's get to work. ♪♪ Chuck: His liver must look like camouflage. Awesome: Hey, Morgan, you seen Chuck? Morgan: He, uh, left early. Why? What's up? Awesome: I wanted to see if he could make himself scarce tonight. Planning a romantic evening with my lady. ♪♪ Morgan: Check you out, you big softy. What's on the agenda, if I may be so bold? Awesome: Not sure. I may pick up some flowers, some-some candles, vino, feed each other some?? Ellie: You know about Ellie and shrimp, right? Awesome: No. What? Morgan: Famous Nantucket trip of '92. Spent days curled up on a bathroom floor. For years, she couldn't go near a beach without vomiting. What else you got? Awesome: Her favorite dessert, pecan pie. Morgan: Okay, she likes pecan pie. Not her, you know, "stuck on a desert island" all-time favorite, but she likes it. Awesome; Morgan, I know my fiancée. Morgan: Really? How long have you been in love with Ellie for? Awesome: Three years? Give or take. Morgan: Take a walk for a second. I have dedicated myself to the study of that woman for the better part of 19 years. So I hate to pull rank here, homeboy, but I think I know Ellie a little bit better than you. All right? For example. For example. What is Ellie's favorite song of eighth grade? Awesome; Eighth grade. Morgan: You don't know. That's okay. You came to the right place, all right? We are gonna set her off. You're not gonna wear that shirt though, right? Roan: I need to see what I'm dealing with. Assume your partner is the mark. How would you seduce her? Chuck; That's an excellent question. I-I would probably start with the, uh, bedroom eyes maybe. You know, the old, uh, Bartowski eyebrow dance. Then come in at you like this. You know? And then I'd start fring the gn at you, you know. Hey, baby... Roan: Hey, don't encourage him! This isn't happy hour at Chili's. This is Sasha Banacheck. Chuck: I don't know, I-I would probably, you know, I'd-I'd-I'd be myself, and I'd try and make her laugh a little bit, find a common cultural interest-- music. Roan: Be yourself? You think a woman like this could ever fall for a guy like you? Chuck: I don't know. Barring any national security emergency, I think I might have a sht. Roan: Be reasonable. This is a gorgeous, sophisticated woman, and you're... Sarah: Passionate and-and sweet and caring. Roan: Really? Tall, dark and caring. What a combo! Sarah: I didn't mean it like that. He-he has a lot to offer. Roan: Fine. Let me see this caged passion. Kiss him. Chuck: Excuse me? I don't think that's necessary at this particular juncture right now, Roan. I'm-I'm solid as a rock in that department. Roan: What's wrong? Don't you find Agent Walker attractive? Chuck: Of course I find her attractive. It's just that I had a burrito earlier, and I'm trying to be respectful. Roan: While I admire your chivalry, if you can't kiss her now, what makes you think you're gonna be able to kiss Sasha Banacheck when the entire mission is on the line? Sarah: Chuck, it's okay. Chuck: Really? Sarah: Yes. Yes. Chuck: There. Roan: Perhaps I've moved too fast. Have you had intercourse before? Chuck: Okay, you know what? You're crazy. This is crazy. I don't have to take lessons from you. Roan: Really? Maybe I picked the wrong agent. ?? I'll get Agent Casey to kiss her. Chuck: You really want me to kiss her? ! Roan: Desperately. Chuck: Fine. Roan: Bravo. Sarah: I better fix my lipstick. Excuse me. Roan: Sure. Something tells me that wasn't the first time that's happened. Chuck: What? No. No. We're totally professional. That's... we work together. Roan: Don't worry, Charles. I'll teach you how to get her, too. But first, we're gonna need more gin. ♪♪ Casey; Okay, you make sure his mic works. I'll go load up the wapon. Chuck: Well, it may not be the steamiest, but we probably have the strangest relationship in Los Angeles. Sarah: I doubt that. Morgan is still dating, right? Chuck: Good point. Sarah: Tonight will be fine. I wouldn't take Roan's advice too seriously. Just be yourself. Chuck: I doubt Chuck Bartowski's gonna be charming anyone. Sarah: Why not? Worked on me. Roan: We need to talk about protection. Chuck: I don't think it's gonna get that far, Roan. Roan: I mean a gn. Why do you think she's known as the Black Widow? Chuck: She's African-American and her husband died. Roan: Because she kills all her mates. Lester: Big Mike? Hey. Uh, you wanted to see me? Big Mike: First, I'm digging the new vest. Lester: Oh, thank you. Big Mike: Next, why aren't my credit card displays out? Lester: Yeah, I've-I've told Morgan three times, sir, but don't worry, I am on it. Big Mike: They ain't listening to you, huh? Lester: Just a matter of time, sir. Big Mike: Look, Patel, the problem is they don't fear you. Lester: Yeah. Yeah, you're right. They don't. They don't. How do I get them to fear me? Big Mike: Don't you watch Animal Planet? Find the wounded gazelle and pounce! Thus endeth the lesson. Roan: If he survives the night, it'll be a miracle. Sarah: Shh! He can hear you. Chuck: Thanks for the vote of confidence. Sarah: Don't be nervous, Chuck. We'll be watching your every move. Roan: Now, Charles, I'm gonna walk you through the world-famous four-pronged Montgomery attck. First, work the room. When you enter a room, every eye should be upon you. You could leave the bar with any woman you desire. But you have chosen her. Sarah: Easy, Chuck. You're doing great. Roan: Next, she'll need to be well lubricated. Ice-cold dirty martini, three olives. Chuck: Excuse me, is this seat taken? I'll take that as a no. Charles Carmichael. And you are? Sasha: Bored. Chuck: Well, maybe I can change that. Garçon! ?? Yes, sir, please, uh, two ice-cold dirty martinis, three olives. Thank you. Sasha: That's very nice. But I no longer drink. Roan: Doesn't drink? That's absurd. How is this boy supposed to seduce her without alcohol? Sarah: Don't worry, Chuck. It'll be fine. Chuck: I should probably cut back, too. Lot of calories in those martinis. Sasha: Enjoy your martinis, Mr. Carmichael. Sarah: It's okay, Chuck. Don't get discouraged. Roan: That was just round one. ?? you're calm, confident, charming. Chuck: Yeah, apparently not. She left after 12 seconds. Roan; You're still alive, aren't you? That's a victory. Okay, Chuck, here we go. Roan; A woman wants a man to take control. Even though she won't say it, she wants to be rescued. Sarah: Actually, that's not true, Chuck. Some women prefer a man who can take a backseat. Roan: I'm not talking about you, darling. I'm talking about the Black Widow. Sarah: So am I. Sarah: Maybe he doesn't need to try and pretend to be someone else. I promise you, Chuck Bartowski, on his own, can seduce this woman. Chuck: I appreciate all of that, but can we focus on the mission for a second, please? Roan: Yes, Charles. All right, the third prong. The woman is an absolute Francophile. Just the mention of St. Tropez makes her woozy. Chuck: I hate to keep bothering you, but you look so familiar. Perhaps we met in St. Tropez. At the Intercontinental. ♪♪ Sasha: Antoine the piano player is best in Europe, don't you agree? Chuck: Oh, I'm a big, big fan of Antoine's. Wouldn't miss him for the world. Sasha: Antoine has been dad for six years. Roan: Ah, poor Antoine. That's tragic. Chuck: That is a shame. No one ever called. Sarah: But you prefer the new piano player Marcel. Chuck: For my money though, I prefer Marcel. Better solos, longer jams, just more of an accomplished pianist, but maybe that's just me. Sasha: I have to agree. Chuck: Barkeep, a refill for the lady, please. To Antoine. May he rest in peace. Awesome: Are you prepared for an evening of intense seduction? Ellie: Can't wait. This is very sweet. What did you do? Awesome: Patience, babe. First, some tunes. I'm taking it old-school. Does the eighth grade lunchroom ring any bells? ?? Richard Marx, "Repeat Offender." Ellie: Okay. Awesome: Next, a little something for the sweet tooth. Your favorite dessert. Seriously, babe, what would you do for a Klondike bar? I guess we'll find that out later. Ellie: Not much. Awesome: And finally, for the evening's entertainment, your favorite all-time movie. Casablanca. Awesome: No. Sister Act. Ellie: Honey, why, out of all the movies in the world, would Sister Act be my favorite? Awesome: Morgan said he sat behind you in the theater, and you were hysterical the whole time. Ellie: I have no recollection of that. You consulted Morgan for an evening of intense seduction? Awesome: Technically, he has known you longer. Ellie: Okay. You know what? Just for future reference, my favorite dessert is pecan pie. Awesome: Well, that's what I said. Hey, wait, where you going? Ellie: I have to be up at 5:00 a. m. Awesome: What about our date? Ellie: Well, why don't you call Morgan, since evidently you planned his favorite evening. Okay? Awesome: That furry little bastard. Roan: So how long have you and Charles been cavorting? Sarah: You mean, how long have we been working together? ?? Roan: Don't play coy. You have feelings for him. I mean, real, non-spy emotions. Sarah: Don't be ridiculous. What, because I'm protective of him as an asset? Roan: No. The way you kissed him. Sarah: I think you've had too much to drink. Roan: No such thing. Sarah: That's real professional. Look at what you did! Roan: I know. That's expensive gin. Chuck: Itchy ear there. So actually, it was invented by a Hungarian baker to commemorate the defeat of the Turks. And that is the true history behind the croissant. That's just a little pastry trivia for you. Sasha: You are a fountain of information, Mr. Carmichael. Well... Quand etiez vous a Paris pour la derniere fois? ♪♪ Chuck: Enchante. And what bands are you into? Roan: If you'd just admit I'm right, we could move on. Sarah: Anything you perceived is me wanting him to think I like him. Sarah: I assure you, I have no feelings for Chuck. He is just an asset. Okay, we're back up. Can you hear us? Sasha: Good night, Mr. Carmichael. Casey: Mission failed. Black widow's on the move. Sarah: Great. You know, I hope you're happy. I told you, he's an analyst, not a spy! Casey:,Way to go, Casanova. You're going to have the Intersect in your head forever. Roan: Okay, everybody, let's pack it up. Chuck: Roan, what is the fourth prong of the famous asault? Roan: The mission is over, Charles. It's too dangerous. You're not ready for this. Chuck: I'm ready. What is it? Roan: Be a bastard. Chuck: When you say bastard, you mean... ? Roan: I mean not you, Chuck. ?? Not sensitive or caring or sweet. Be everything you're not. Be Carmichael. Chuck: Hey, Missy? Roan: Don't call her missy. Sasha: Yes, Mr. Carmichael? Chuck: I just want to tell you, you're a fool. Sasha: Excuse me? Chuck: No, I don't think I will. See, you're heading up to your room right now to get ready for bed. Floss, creams, maybe watch a little TV. And then just before you drift off to sleep, you're going to have one final, terrifying thought. Sasha: Really? What's that? Chuck: That you passed up an evening with the greatest lover you'll ever know. Sasha: And who might that be? Chuck: Oh, you're looking at him, sister. A man trained in the art of seduction. A man who has traveled the world, sampling women of every different culture and creed. So I will offer one final time before boarding my jet and heading off to an undisclosed rendezvous, of which I am already late. Can I buy you a club soda? Sasha: No, thank you. Chuck: Okay, I just thought I'd ask. Have a good night. Sasha: But you can take me up to my room and make mad, passionate sex to me. Roan: I've still got it. Sasha: Make yourself a drink, Mr. Carmichael. I'm going to slip into something... a little bit more comfortable. Chuck: Yeah, do that. Take your time, doll. I'll just, uh, be here. Where the hell are you guys? Casey: You worked too quick, stallion. We didn't have time to set up. Sarah: It's okay, Chuck. We're on our way. Did you flash on anything? Chuck: Abort mission! Abort mission! Abort mission! Gentleman. You secure this area. Ms. Banacheck and I are going to need some privacy. If the hotel room is rockin', then... we're probably having sex. Get me out of here right now. Roan: Charles, don't worry. Roan Montgomery will get you out of this. I've been in worse situations. Did I ever tell you about the time in Thailand with the king's daughter up on the palace roof... Chuck: No, you failed to mention it. How do I get out of here right now? Roan: I want you to go out on the balcony. Chuck: Okay, now what? Roan: I want you to take a bedsheet, tie it around your waist, climb up on the railing, and leap off the ledge. Chuck; Are you out of your mind? ! I'm not a real spy. I don't leap! Sasha: There you are. It's a little chilly out there, hmm? Chuck: No, not at all. No, it's quite pleasant tonight. Come on. Sasha: Why so shy, hmm? Chuck: Well, uh, um... uh, well, 'cause... 'cause we just kind of met, and, uh, kind of seeing someone right now. Sasha: I'm going to do things to you. you never, never-never dreamed possible. Chuck: Well, I have a very vivid imagination. Sasha: Hello, Roan. You shouldn't have sent a boy to do a man's job. Roan: Get out of there! Now! Chuck: No-no, wait, wait! Wait, wait, wait. Why would you... oh, my God, that's a huge Knfe! Look, you don't want to do this. ?? I'm a young guy... ?? Sasha: Don't beg for you life, Mr. Carmichael. You have nothing to offer. Chuck: Well, I have this. Roan, how did Thailand work again? Roan? ! Roan! Woman: Happy anniversary, honey. Pervert! No! To a night of infinite possibilities. Chuck: Sorry to interrupt. Enjoy your night. Sarah Please tell me you saw that. Leaped from the balcony, lands with a flourish. And the Russian judge gives it a 9. 4. Oh, and by the way I have a little thing called the Cipher if anyone's interested. Sasha: Yes, Mr. Carmichael, I'm very interested. Bodyguard: There could be more. We need to get out of here. Sasha: If you ever want to see your fellow agents alive again, meet me tomorrow with the Cipher. 6th and Alameda, 10:00 p. m. Come alone. Chuck: Roan? Roan? Anna: Why are we here so late? Lester: If you're not going to respect me... you will fear me. May I present... The wheel of misfortune. We had a version of this in my home when I was growing up. It is... very effective. Now, my pretty, pretty staff... I shall choose one of you to christen the wheel. Mr. Grimes. Anna: He's not spinning. Morgan: Hold on a second, baby. I'll spin. I got this. It's all good, guys. ♪♪ You've got to be kidding me. That's, that's just my luck. Anna: You can't fre him. Lester: Anna, it's not me. The wheel has spoken. I would love to help, but it's out of my hands. Anna: Fine, if he's fired, I quit. Lester: that's your choice then. Jeff: If Anna leaves, I have to follow my heart. Anna: I told you, you've got no sht. Leather: Jeffrey! Jeffrey! Jeffrey, stay here! Green shirt: Without Jeff, this place blows. Lester: What? ! Okay, fine! Fine! Go! Go! Who needs you? You're all fired! You're all fired! Do I have your attention now? Do I have your attention now? ! Roan: You know, she's going to kll them. Chuck: Well, I guess I'm just going to have to take my chances then. But I can't save them alone. I need your help, Roan. Roan: They knew what they were getting into. That's the game we play. If you show up, there will be three dad agents instead of just two. Chuck: What, so that's it? What happened to being the world's greatest spy? Roan: That was a long time ago. Roan Montgomery is not the man you see before you. My life may be boring and cowardly, but I'm alive. That's more than most in my line of work can claim. Chuck: But you're a legend, Roan. Don't you understand that? So how can you just sit there and watch them die? Roan: Because I'm not in love with one of the agents. Chuck: I'm not... I care about them. I care about both of them. Besides, we heard what she said. Okay? To her, I'm just an asset. Roan: No, you're not. Trust me. The lady doth protest too much. But, Charles, you have to ask yourself, is she worth dying for? Chuck: Yes. Roan: Poor boy. Lesson number one of being a spy: never fall in love. Chuck: Well, then, I guess I'm not much of a spy. And you're not much of a legend. Listen to me very carefully. I'm trying to reach General Beckman. My name is Chuck Bartowski. What do you mean I'm not listed? Look, I'm a spy, all right? Try my alias, Charles Carmichael. I'm trying to contact General Beckman. I need to speak with her before tonight. Nothing? Yeah, of course nothing. Just have General Beckman call me as soon as possible. All right, it's an emergency. Morning. Awesome: Oh, hey, Chuck. Chuck: What's going on? Awesome: Some trouble on the home front. I totally screwed up. Went to Morgan for romance advice. Chuck: Yeah, that's, uh, that's never a great policy. ?? Awesome: Yeah. I've got to do something to make this up to your sis. Chuck: What are you thinking about doing? Awesome: What I should've done last night. Cover this place in rose petals, roaring fre, simple candlelit dinner, pecan pie. Maybe give her a foot massage in the tub. Chuck: That's a natural place, I think, to stop giving me details. So why don't you? Awesome: Well, when, you know? I've got to be at work in like 20 minutes. Got a 5:00 a. m. call tomorrow. I'll do it. I just hope I'm not too late. ?? Lester: Charles. Chuck: Where is everybody? Lester: Oh, you mean your coworkers? Chuck: Sure. Lester: Yeah, we had little a disagreement last night, Charles, and some things needed to be done. I fired the majority of the staff. Chuck: You what? ! Lester: I'm dad! I'm dad! When Big Mike gets here, he's going to see there's no one in the store, then he's going to fre me. Charles, you've got to help me, man. How can I help you? Lester:,Ask them to come back to work. Chuck: Why don't you?? 'Lester: Cause then they won't fear me!?? Michael! Michael! So nice to see you, sir. Big Mike: Gentlemen. Something amiss, Patel? Lester:,Morgan's on an errand, Anna's in the stockroom... Big mike: I mean your vest. Lester:,Huh? Oh, yeah. It's in my locker. I was going to change right now. Big Mike: And the manager's only donuts? Lester: They're on your desk, sir. Big Mike: Tight ship you're running, Patel. Gentlemen. Lester: Maybe he won't ever notice. Chuck: Depends on how long it takes him to eat a box of donuts. Right. ?? Lester: Thank you for coming. What I didn't mention last night was that everybody gets one practice spin. So in all fairness, I got to give Morgan here another sht, okay? Here we go, come on now. Anna: No one is spinning the wheel. You want us back, you're going to have to make some changes around here. Lester: Okay. Okay. Labor negotiations are part of the process. Thoughts, musings? Anna; We want two-hour lunch breaks. Lester: No way. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, okay. You got it, you got it. You drive a hard bargain. What else? Jeff: Unlimited bathroom time for both resting and relaxation. Lester: Done. Anna: And you spin the wheel. Lester: Anna, Anna, I don't think that's necessary. We were getting... We're doing well here. I don't think that I... Jeff: Live by the sword, die by the sword. Lester: You don't even know what that means. Anna: Yeah, diaper station duty! Baby needs wipe. Baby needs wipe. Nice, nicely done. Oh, yeah, you just go ahead and bring that up to the front. Roan: Mr. Bartowski. Lovely cover they've got you working. Perhaps you would like to elaborate on what you meant last night by "legend. " Chuck; I meant what I said. You were great. Once. Now, are you here to help, or are you just browsing? Roan: I suppose that depends on what your plan is for tonight. Chuck: My plan is to show up at the meeting spot and exchange the Cipher for Casey and Sarah. Roan: You're determined to risk your life for these people? Chuck: They do it for me. Roan: Then perhaps we should revise your plan. Come up with something that doesn't get us all klled. Chuck: I'm open to that. I have a package for Sasha Banacheck. You need to sign. Sasha: Hello? Chuck: All right, here's how this is going to go down. You want the Cipher, you play by my rules. Meet me at 9000 Burbank Boulevard and bring the hostages. It's her. Roan: Answer it. Chuck: Hello? Oh, sorry, yeah. You're just going to want to take the 5 North. That's probably the easiest. You, you... Burbank Boulevard exit, you're going to make a left at the light. Sorry, just... you can find it. Greetings! I see you found your way. Hope traffic wasn't too bad. As you can see, I have the Cipher. Once my friends are safely out of the store, I'll tell you where to find it. It's been a pleasure working with you, and I wish you luck in all your future enterprises. Remember, we'll always have Paris. Sasha: Well... now that your saviour is trapped with the Cipher, I no longer need hostages. So, good-bye. Roan: I... wouldn't do that if I were you. Sasha: Roan. Roan: Hello, Sasha. Sasha:,I should have klled you years ago. Roan: Yes. Probably. Would you please drop your gn? Bodyguard: Who the hell is that? Casey: That is Roan Montgomery. Sasha: Stand back, Roan... or I'll kll her. Chuck: No, no, no, no. Roan: Charles. Where are you? Chuck: I'm on the roof. Roan: Charles, remember Thailand? Chuck: This is not time for one of your stories, Roan. Roan: Remember Thailand! Chuck: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. you were on the palace roof and you tied a bedsheet to... No. No, no, no, no, no. Roan: Charles, time to be a spy. Chuck: I'm not. I'm not a spy. Sasha: Bring me the Cipher right now or I'll k*ll her! Chuck: I guess you got to die sometime. It'd just be nice if it wasn't today. Sarah! Sarah: Chuck? Chuck? Are you okay? Chuck: I'm fine. I'm fine. How are you? Sarah: I'm fine. Roan: Now, that's what I call a spy. Big Mike: I ain't new. Beckman: Excellent work, team. Thanks to your efforts, we have the Cipher. Casey: General, you should know that Chuck was invaluable on this mission. Sarah: He also risked his life several times to save ours. Beckman: Your country thanks you, Chuck. Hopefully, we can now rebuild the Intersect and this nightmare can be over for you. Have a nice day. Chuck: Wait! Actually, while I appreciate all of your kind words, if we're going to continue to coexist happily, I think that the government needs to start pulling their weight around here. Beckman: What did you have in mind, Chuck? Awesome: Ellie, I just want to apologize again. I know I may seem like Mr. Smooth, but the truth is, I don't have a million moves. All I know is I love you. Ellie: I don't need moves, Devon. Just the fact that you're trying is enough. Is that pecan pie? I can't believe I fell for that! You're the sweetest man... Awesome: No biggie, babe. Chuck: Well, be sure to thank the CIA for me. Sarah: It's our pleasure. I suppose I should thank you for saving my life. Chuck: Oh, you've done it for me a time or two. I'm probably still in debt. ?? Sarah: I gotta admit that was pretty impressive. Chuck: Right? I mean, come on. I-I know I'm just an asset, but, between the two of us, I mean, have you ever seen anyone do something like that before? Sarah: I think it's safe to say, Chuck, that I've never seen anyone quite like you. Roan: Well, Agent Casey, thanks for the accommodations. Casey: Agent Montgomery. Roan: The reason I failed you twice was that your partner at the time was too pretty to pass. Should have failed her a few more times. Casey: Should have known. Roan: Adieu, Agent Walker. Sarah: It was a real pleasure, Agent Montgomery. Well, I'll, um... I'll see you later, Chuck. Roan: Let her go. A great man once said it will give her the illusion of being pursued. You trust me? Chuck: Yeah. Roan: Good. Do you own a white dinner jacket? Chuck: No. Roan: Rent one. Tonight you will show up with a bottle of Château Margaux, the dinner jacket, and a single red rose, known in several countries as the Montgomery. Good-bye, Charles. Chuck: Good-bye, Roan. Roan: Hello, Diane. Yeah, on my way to the airport. Should be at Dulles by the morning. Sarah: Chuck! Hi. Bryce: Hello, Chuck. Chuck: Bryce? Bryce:,Miss me?	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x02 - Chuck Versus the Seduction"}	foreverdreaming
DJ: Just got a call from Heather Chandler, who'd like to dedicate this next song to the James Buchanan varsity football team. Go, Cougars! SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA. 1998. ( reading) Sarah: IN CASE OF EMERGENCY LOVE YOU, DADDY Chuck: You know, you don't have to keep buying stuff for cover... BURBANK, CALIFORNIA. 2008 .. just 'cause you're in here all the time. BURBANK, CALIFORNIA. 2008 Sarah: I actually needed new iPod speakers. Chuck: I'm just saying it's perfectly plausible that you're in here to discuss dinner plans with me, your boyfriend. Sarah: Okay, sweetie, what are you in the mood for, Thai or Chinese? Chuck: Wait, really? No, I'm still digesting my Honey Nut Cheerios. Okay, I'm a little unprepared to discuss dinner plans at this point. Oh, unless we're... unless we're not going to be actually eating. Will we be eating food or are we just saying we'll be eating food? Not that it really matters, it just... it'll factor into lunch, you know? Can I get a straight answer from you, Sarah? I mean, you don't have to be so secretive or dodgy about pad Thai noodles... Sarah: Bogey at your six. Casey: Roger that- secure the asset immediately. Take him to the Orange Orange. Chuck; Hey, ow, ow, okay, okay, okay. Sarah: You stay here. Chuck: Why, what's going on? Sarah;,I couldn't shake a suspicious tail, so until we establish the depth of the thrat, you're staying put- don't move. Touch nothing. Wait for me, got it? Chuck; Whatever. Oh, wow. I can't believe I'm this close to an actual DU97. Freon-cooled, reconfigurable 30-teraflop architecture with modules for cryptanalysis and video processing. She's so beautiful. Heather: I know you. And I never forget a face. Chuck: Buy More, courtyard. AKWARD Sarah: Guess I just have one of those familiar faces. Chuck: Jackpot. Heather: That's not it- I know you. Sarah: I tried my hand at acting a while back. Heather: It'll come to me. Sarah: I was on a national television commercial. I ate a messy cheeseburger. Maybe that's it. Heather: I know exactly who you are. We went to high school together! Sarah: What? Heather: Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me your name. I'll get it. I never forget a face. You look so different now. Well, for the better, I mean. Sarah: Oh, I'm sure you have me confused with someone else... Heather: Jenny! That's it: Jenny Burton! Jenny Burton? Heather Chandler. Well, Heather Ratner now. I married Mark Ratner. James Buchanan High, class of '98. Go, Cougars! Sarah: Heather, of course. Um, how have you been? Heather: Oh, my God, Mark, look who it is. It's Jenny Burton. Mark: Who? Heather: Jenny Burton from high school. You know, the one. Mark: Oh, yeah, hi, Jenny. Heading down for the reunion this weekend? Sarah: Oh, no, I'm not much of a reunion person. Chuck: Hey. Sarah: I told you to stay put. Chuck: I know, I just, you know... the tummy is a-rumbling. Sarah: Chuck. Chuck: Yes, honey? Heather: Is this your boyfriend? Chuck: Wait, you know these people, sweetie? Sarah: NO. Heather; I'm Heather- we all went to high school together. Chuck: Come on! Of all the semi-tart Asian influenced frozen yogurt shops in all the towns in all the world, you walked into hers? Heather: I know, it's crazy, right? We live in Westlake now because its closer to Mark's work, but we go down there all the time. Chuck: Do you? You go... go down there, huh? Weather's real nice this time of year. Sarah: Do you need a to-go lid? Mark: Well, come on now. Weather's always great in San Diego. Chuck: Yes, it is! That's what I always say, down there in San Diego where you're from. I'm Chuck, by the way, but around here, people just know me as... as Jenny's Chuck. Jenny and Chuck. Chuck and Jenny. Mark: Chuck, I'm Mark Ratner. Voice Recognition: MATCH VINTHROP-KELLER AERONAUTICS Chuck; Brain freeze. I think I had a little too much yogurt. Hey. What are you guys doing for dinner tonight? You got any plans? 'Cause maybe we could all get together and reminisce about old times. Mark: Sounds great. Chuck: I mean, any friends of Jenny are friends of mine. Sarah: Oh, I don't know, Chuck, it might be pretty boring for you to take a trip down memory lane with us. Chuck: Good God, no, not at all. I can't think of anything that I'd rather do than spend an evening learning all about... my Jenny. CHUCK 204 Big Mike: Gather 'round, clock punchers. Big announcement. I'm not coming in for a few days- got a meeting. Morgan: Oh, some fat cats over at corporate? Big mike: Nope. With a bunch of fat catfish over in Lake Havasu. And while I'm away, Mr. Patel here will be in charge. Jeff: Party hardy. Or the opposite of that? Big mike; I want you to give Lester the same respect you give me. When you look at him, I want you to see Big Mike and not some scrawny-ass Indian kid with a Bay City Rollers hairdo. Lester: Thank you, sir. Big mike: That's it. Back to the salt mine. Sarah: Dinner? Come on! What the hell were you thinking, Chuck? Chuck: What was I supposed to do? I flashed on the guy. Sarah: Those people are from my past, a past you have no business poking around in. Chuck: Well, I'm sorry, I was just trying to do my job. I thought you'd be happy I used a little initiative. Casey: Uh, don't kll the messenger. Not the kid's fault you went to high school with a treasonous scumbag. Beckman; Good morning, boys and girl. First matter of business: Mark Ratner. He's an engineer at Winthrop-Keller Aeronautics, has clearance to extremely sensitive plans for future wapon technology. Picture the next generation of F-22 Raptors. Essentially, a bmb. This technology has been leaked. Chuck's instincts were good. Your mission is to go to dinner with the Ratners, see if Chuck flashes off of anything. Sarah: General, I apologize, but I'm afraid I must excuse myself from this mission. My cover has been compromised. Beckman: Agent Walker, you have preexisting social history with the target. Seems to me like you have the perfect cover. Sarah: But it's not a cover, ma'am, it's me. Beckman: Well, I hope you enjoy Italian food. Buon appetito. Lester: With Big Mike gone, I've come up with a plan to revolutionize Buy More sales. From now on, we're gonna work with our customers to create a mutually agreed upon price. Morgan: Yeah, but how are we supposed to do that? I mean... Lester: As this is a teaching hospital... watch and learn, my friends. Watch and learn. Hey. Hey. So, you're in the market for a new TV. Conscientious Customer: Yeah. Lester: You shopping for your mother? Customer: What? No, it's for me. Lester: This one's a little dainty, isn't it? You want the complete entertainment experience. I would recommend this one. Conscientious Customer; Uh, I can't afford this one. Lester: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't get caught up in this. This... is just a suggestion. How about you make me an offer? Customer; Okay. How about you shave 300 bucks off that price? Lester: Sold. Customer: Really? Morgan: Hey there. May I help you with this washer and dryer? Woman: Oh, afraid it's not in my budget. I'm only in the market for a dryer. Morgan: Ma'am, that's like buying one new shoe. No, no, no, no, make me an offer. Bunny: You happy with that price? Man: Guess I'd be happier if it was 100 bucks cheaper. Bunny: I live for your smile. Let me take off $200. Man: Deal. Jeff: I'll sell you that computer for 400 bucks off sticker price. Chuck: Hey, buddy, what's going on? Morgan; Lester's new sales policy. We're giving away the merchandise. Jeff: Throw in a wireless mouse? Throw in a wireless mouse and a bonus computer. Chuck: That's gonna end badly. Morgan: I know. I know, Chuck. That's part of the fun. Sold. Sarah: You're early. Chuck: Technically, I'm right on time for my pre-mission debriefing. Sarah: What are you talking about? Chuck; Standard spy protocol. You know, I need some stats for my cover tonight. Sarah: Chuck, I'm really... Chuck: No need to apologize if you didn't have time for full dossier preparation. I think we'll just go over a few facts together if that's okay. Fantastic. I'll go first. Uh, tonight, I'll be playing the role of Jenny's boyfriend Chuck. He works at the Buy More, not living up to his potential. Sister is Ellie, doctor, engaged to a doctor. There, all up to speed on Jenny's boyfriend. Your turn. Sarah: I'm not doing this. Chuck: Okay, here's what we know thus far. Jenny Burton went to James Buchanan High School in San Diego, California, class of 1998. Is it safe to assume that "Jenny" is a diminutive of "Jennifer? " Sarah: Back off, Chuck. You have as much information as is pertinent to this assignment. Chuck: Spell "Jenny" with an "I" or would... Sarah: All Jenny's boyfriend needs to know is that Jenny hates questions about her past. You got that? Chuck: I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. How do you do that? So, Mark, uh... what line of work are you in? Mark: Uh, engineering. Actually, what I'm working on is technically... top secret. Heather:,And let's keep it that way, 'cause no one gives a rip. So, how long have you two lovebirds been together? Chuck: Months. Sarah: Years. Chuck: That add up to years. Sarah: You know, I don't even remember my life before Chuck. Heather: What's the matter with you? You're sweating like a pig. It's kind of gross. Mark: No. Oh, sorry. I'm fine. I'm fine. Would you excuse me for a minute? Heather: Sure. So, Jenny, is your job at the yogurt shop, like, a career or are you keeping yourself in Top Ramen between acting gigs. Sarah: Oh, I-I've got a few things going on. Heather: I mean, Chuck, if you had told me in high school that Jenny Burton wanted to grow up to be a movie star, I would've said, "Dream, little duckling, dream. " And now here we are. Ivan: Your time is up, Mr. Ratner. Sarah: Soup looks delicious, Chuck. Chuck: Mmm, it is. Cilantro, very controversial. You either love it or hate it. Me, I love it. Heather: So, Jenny, when's the last time you were down in San Diego? Sarah: Mm, it's been a while. Heather: Mm, don't get to visit your dad much? Sarah: Um, excuse me, more wine, please. Casey: Ah, yes. It's a lovely pinot noir, earthy, complex, with a hint of cherry blossoms. Chuck: So, you know when you're kids and there's always that funhouse that all the kids hang out at. Would you say that was the case with Jenny's house-condo-apartment? Sarah:,Oh! Oh! Oh, my God. I'm so sorry. God, I'm-I'm such a spaz. Heather: Now, there's the Jenny we know. Chuck: Excuse me. Beg your pardon. Casey: Not the first American tax dollars wasted on a man's lap. Ivan: Give us the plans now. Mark: I need to know that if I hand over the plans, no harm will come to my wife. Chuck: Oh, my God. Ivan: Who the hell are you? Who is this guy? ! This is setup? Mark: No! God, no! He's no one! Chuck: That's a little hurtful. Mark: He's just the boyfriend of some-some girl that I went to high school with! Chuck: I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna grab some club soda to take care of my stain. Sarah: So, Heather, uh, how do you stay in such great shape? Heather:,Got obsessed with karate 'cause my instructor's such a hottie. I'm a black belt now. I clued in you didn't want to talk about your dad's situation in front of your BF. Does Chuck not know? Sarah: Uh, do you mind if I take over? Casey: Oh, no. It's my first day. Sarah: Go check on Chuck. Casey: If you promise not to filet her before I get back. Sarah: I can't promise anything. Okay. Took a Knfe skills course at the culinary academy. Heather: Is that to further your yogurt career, or are you angling towards something bigger? Say, carving station at Lawry's. Ivan: So, what you know? Chuck: I don't know anything. I just came in to do my little boy business. Turn on hand dryer, so no one hear him scream. Chuck: Hear who scream? Me scream? You? All right. Casey: Gonna pull the van around so we can stow these guys. Be right back. Oh. Mark: How? How did you do that? Chuck: Uh... Uh, you know, it's a self-defense thing I took at the Y. It was pretty comprehensive. Mark: Are you nuts? These guys are Kllers! Chuck: Bullies are like bears, you know? They're more afraid of you than you are of them. Or is that bees? Actually, it is bee. Anyway, when you're dealing with the Russian mob... Mark: How, how did you know they're connected to the mob? Wait a minute. I know exactly who you are. Dude! You're the man! Chuck: I'm hardly the man. Mark: So who do you work for? Is it the FBI? CIA? NSA? Chuck: I, you know, I can't discuss the particulars. Mark: Okay. I get it, I get it. But just tell me, does-does Jenny know who you really are? Chuck: Jenny knows nothing. Mark: Of course not. But anyway, I-I just want to thank you so much for saving my life. Can't you just tell me your name, Agent... ? Chuck: Carmichael. Special Agent Charles Carmichael. Casey: This is not a negotiation. Okay, Ratner, here's how this is gonna go down. Mark: Wait. You're our waiter. From the restaurant. Man, we really screwed you on the tip. Casey: You want into witness protection, you're gonna have to scratch our back, too. Mark: What do you mean? Casey: Those two gons from last night, they don't report back to their boss, he's gonna want a follow-up meet. We're gonna cover that drop. He contact you yet? Mark: I'm sorry, but I prefer to deal only with Special Agent Carmichael. The man saved my life last night. Casey: Is that right, Special Agent Carmichael? Chuck: Uh... It's funny... You should really see me scale buildings with suction cups, 'cause I'm... I'm very good at that. I only dabble in the volence. So... Casey: Modesty doesn't suit you, Mad Dog. Mark: Mad Dog? Why... Why do they call him that? Casey: Listen, I got to know where your next meet's at, okay? And I'll ask you real politely. My partner here, he's a maniac. It's... It's fine when it's to protect you, but you don't want to be on the receiving end of Mad Dog. That's how I got this. Huh? I parked in his spot once. This scar reminds me every day- don't mess with Mad Dog. Now, I'm gonna ask you... Let me ask you one more time. Where's the meet? Mark: Look, I-I don't know, okay? He texts me. That's it, that's all I know. Casey: He's all yours, Mad Dog. Mark: No, no! I... Wait a minute. This, this is him, right now. He's-he's-he's... He's texting me right now! This is him! Okay, he wants to meet tonight. But-but that doesn't work for me. I can't meet tonight. Tonight's my reunion, and my wife has really been looking forward to this- she wants to be reunion queen. I couldn't disappoint her. Casey: Stop talking! You'll meet him there. Mark: I... I-I don't know about this. Chuck: No one's gonna mess with you, man. I got your back. Mark: Okay. Okay, I'll do it. Lester: No! This can't be right! No! No! No! No! No! How did this happen? ! No! Morgan: Hey, Chuck, what's up, buddy? What are you doing here? I thought it's your day off. Chuck: Yeah. I had to swing by the mall to pick something up for Sarah. It's a long story. What's going on with Lester? Lester: What is happening? ! Is this broken? ! Are you broken? ! Morgan: He's been at it for, like, 15 minutes. Chuck: Hey. What's going on? Everything okay? Lester: Chuck. Chuck, thank God you're here. You-you'll know what to do. Look, so the new Friendly Negotiations sales strategy worked brilliantly. Right? We moved the largest volume of big-ticket merchandise in four years. But no matter how many times I crunch the numbers, we're still out 2, 700 bucks. Chuck: Well, you forgot to carry the one, so actually it's 3, 700. Lester: What? ! Oh, my God! I'm sorry I let you down, sir. Morgan: All right, come on. Pull yourself together here, man. All right, everybody, listen up. We are up excrement creek without a paddle. Okay? So we're just looking for a few ideas to make a lot of cash by tonight. Any ideas? Jeff: My mom knows a dude who will torch the place. Our troubles will go up in flames. Lester: Yeah. Morgan: While I'm impressed by the outside-of-the-box nature of Jeff's pitch, I'm thinking maybe a simpler solution. Chuck: Remember when we were in high school and we were hard up for cash, so when your parents were out of town, we'd host a big kegger, invite everybody and charge by the head. Morgan: That's great, Chuck, that's perfect. That's what we're gonna do. Lester: Yes! Morgan: No, no, no, I was... that... I... that was a good idea if we were 16. Bunny: Invite people from the mall. Jeff: And I can call my best friend, Beer, see if he can make it on such short notice. Lester: This could actually work, this could actually work. Chuck: Great, good, glad I'll be 100 miles away. Mark: LET GO! Dick Duffy: Hey, Jenny. You must be getting pretty lonely with your dad locked up. Call me if you ever need a man around the house. Sarah: What? Chuck: Brought you a present. Sarah: Well, it's not my birthday. Chuck: Oh, one down, 364 and a quarter possibilities to go. Just open the box, hmm? Sarah: Why do I need a new dress for? Chuck: I know you're gonna see this as a glass half-empty, but I think it's a real opportunity... Sarah: Spill it! Chuck: We have to go to your reunion. Look, I know that you don't like talking about your past, much less revisiting it, but the reunion is where the drop's going down. Sarah: Look, I'm sorry. It's just... High school... It was a tough time for me, okay? Chuck:,Tell me about it. I- I-I get that. Trying to figure out who you are and what you're gonna do with the rest of your life while constantly distracted with raging hormones. I... Sarah: It was more than that for me. Chuck: Hey... it'll be okay. Trust me. Besides, everybody remembers high school way worse than it was. YOU LOOK GREAT Enthusiastic Girl; Welcome Cougar, class of '98! Sarah: Hi. Jennifer Burton? Enthusiastic girl: Burton? Ooh, here. Sarah: Thanks. Enthusiastic girl; Girl: Wait. You're Jenny Burton? Sarah: I am if it says I am OH, MY GOD. Chuck: Hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. No one's gonna mess with you, Sarah, okay? I got your back. Wow! Oh. It's not that bad. It's not that bad. Sarah: Mm-hmm. WELCOME BACK COUGARS CLASS OF 1998! Chuck; Thank you. Remember, the only difference between high school and a high school reunion is that you don't get suspended for being drunk. Want to dance? Fortunately for you, I was at the top of my game in '98. Oh, a little bit of that. Come that, oh, and then... and then mirror that, you know, just kind of... What? What is it? You okay? Dick: So, my buddies and I checked out the room and picked the best-looking girl here. Decided to come introduce myself to the woman I'll be waking up with tomorrow. Dick Duffy. Chuck: And I'm Chuck, Jenny's boyfriend, so... Dick: Jenny? Wait. Jenny Burton? Damn! Ten years has been very sweet to you. Sarah: Thank you. Dick: Ten years is a hell of a long time, especially to someone living in an eight by ten cell. How is your dad? PAROLED LAS VENTURAS PRISON 4 YEARS: GRAND THEFT AUTO Nachos! Chuck: Nachos! I smell nachos! That's gonna ht the spot. Let's get some nachos. Bye, Dick. I think that's him, that's the guy. Sarah: What guy? Chuck: Duffy. I just flashed on Duffy. What'd you do? Attend Bad Guy High? Sarah: What are you talking about? Chuck: Well, Duffy has some kind of connection to the Russian mob. I'm pretty sure he's the guy that Ratner is supposed to connect with to hand off the super-bmb plans. Sarah: Makes sense. He's always been a jerk. Okay, you go catch Ratner up, have him set up the meet. I'll tip off the DJ. Chuck: Why? Why the DJ? CUSTOMER SERVICE Morgan: Dude, look at this. We're in a sweet spot. People are loving this. Lester: I can't believe this is actually working. Hey! Hey! Take off your shoes! Take off your shoes! Tell them to wipe their feet, right? Keep it... Will you please keep it down? Keep the fingers off the merchandise over there, please. Please. Please. We got to be considerate of the neighbors, okay? No, no, no, no, no, no! No! No! This the way you people treat your own homes? ! Chuck: My bosses at Langley have informed me that that's the guy who's been texting you. Mark; Our target is Dick Duffy? Of course! The guy who terrorizes me in high school is now going to terrorize the entire world with my super-bmb. Chuck: You're gonna be just fine. You have my personal guarantee. Mark: Uh, excuse me, Dick? I believe I'm supposed to see you about a certain transaction. Dick: Rattner. You're the last guy I thought I'd be having this conversation with. All right, fine. Meet me outside in five minutes. Welcome class of '98! Go Cougars. Mark: Never should have stolen the bmb plans. I should have gone right to you guys. But they thrat my wife. I wasn't thinking straight. You see, I'm just a guy who likes math, you know, and somehow I got a beautiful girl like that to fall in love with me. I have to pinch myself sometimes. It's like I'm dreaming. Ah, forget it, Agent Carmichael. I mean, how can I expect a cool guy like you to understand? Chuck: You know what, Mark? Sometimes the nerd gets the girl. Sarah: In the middle of something? Dick: Got time for you. Where's your boyfriend at? Sarah: Oh, don't worry about him. Dick: Can't believe you're that same Jenny from high school. You've changed so much. Sarah: Well, I'm still the same girl on the inside. Dick: Bet you miss your daddy. He's been gone so long. But you know, baby, you can always call me daddy. Ooh! That's all right. I like my ladies rough. Casey: Great. Now we know he's a perv, don't know if he's the perp. Sarah:,Yeah, sorry. I'm just working out some childhood issues. Casey: Knockoff watches, bootleg DVDs. He came out here to sell Ratner a dime bag. Guy's small time. Sarah: So if Duffy isn't our guy, then who is? Heather: My husband spilled everything to the Feds. That's him and his handler. I overheard them talking. He's some CIA bad ass named Carmichael. kll 'em both. Lester: Give him to me. Man: Find your own freakin' fish! Lester: GIVE ME THAT!- YOU'RE A FOOL! Norman! That's it! Party's over! Get out! Right now! Chuck: I mean, was I born to be a lawman? No. I'd say it's more of a calling. I got a bit of the shine. gng ACTIVITY FORGERY Chuck: Oh, no. Mark: What's oh, no? Chuck: Slight wrinkle in the plan, got to improvise. Move! Welcome! James Buchanan High, Class of '98! Go Cougars! Uh... Uh, for those of you who remember me, I clearly need no introduction, and for those of you who don't, I'm not up here to talk about myself anyway. No. I'm here to talk to you about some people that will cause you to flash, flash back, that is. So, maybe with a... with a few hints and a little bit of luck, we can find two special Cougars, and throw some love on them. Oh, how about... how about this guy, huh? Michael Adler. Drooled his way through Spanish class? ¿Se habla espanol? I know you do, Michael. And, uh, who, uh... who else do we have? Sarah: Hey, she is a part of this. Casey; You go. I got these two. Chuck: Oh! Oh! How about, uh... How about this guy here? Come on, folks. I know you know him. Chippy! Our one and only Chippy Sternin! Remember, all-star pole-vaulter, who was unfortunately sidelined with a horrible case of impetigo? Ivan: Come on, let's go. Chuck: I was rooting for you, buddy. I thought you were gonna go all-state, but you know what? It wasn't in the cards. Come on, love on those guys really. Just throw some arms around them. Sarah: Heather? Who's drunk? You're drunk. All right, fantastic. Heather, why'd you do it? Heather: Revenge of the Cheerleaders. We marry the geeks because they're the ones with the future. But my husband wasn't ambitious enough. And they were offering a lot of money. Sarah: Who do you work for? I can help you. Heather: I'm self-employed. Sarah: Your name has been at the top of my list of 'People who need good ass-kicking. ' Ivan: Get in the locker now, Ratner. You have three seconds to tell me where the plans are. One... two... Mark: Agent Carmichael, help! GREATEST HITS '98 Chuck: Before I go here's a classic from 1998. Mark: Help! Let me out! Hello? Heather; You should've been suspicious of me right off. I mean, why would a girl like me ever fall in love with a dorky nerd like him? Sarah: You'd be surprised. Casey: Thanks a lot, Mad Dog. Always count on you to be in the right place at the right time. Wh-wha... Mark: I knew you wouldn't let me down, Agent Carmichael. Chuck: Glad I'm not the one who has to tell Ratner about his wife's involvement in all this. Casey: That's why love is for suckers. Chuck: Yeah. Hey, you seen Sarah anywhere? Casey; Sucker. Heather: Now, I got to ask. How'd you wind up working for the Feds? I mean, if you had told me in high school that Jenny Burton wanted to grow up to be an agent, I would've said, "Dream, jailbird's daughter, dream. " Guess you didn't follow in daddy's footsteps after all. Sarah:,Go Cougars. Enthusiastic girl: And the queen of the class of 1998's ten-year reunion is... Jennifer Burton! Jenny? Where are you? There you are! Come on up here, Jenny. See you at the 20th, Jenny! Morgan; Wow, Don't worry. We'll fix this. It'll-It'll be all good. It'll be all good. Lester:,Come on, guys, we're almost there. Big Mike's gonna be here any minute. Let's go! Listen up, listen up, listen up. Um, first of all, I just want to acknowledge that I know that I'm not the easiest man to work for, but I want to thank you for all your hard work. And mean it this time. I mean, guys, what we've accomplished here is incredible. And each and every one of you is a big bright, shining star. Oh, mother crapper, the fish! Morgan: Glue's still a little wet, but we had no choice, dude. Lester: Morgan. You did all this for me when I haven't always been very kind to you? May I ask you why? Morgan: I don't know, man. I thought, you know, if I was there for you selflessly, that you would see that people are essentially kind at heart. You know, and maybe you wouldn't walk around so afraid in this world. Dude, are you crying? Come on, I'm just doing my job. Oh, Mike's coming. Big mike: Work you've done here is outstanding. Everyone's on time, store is tidy. Even smells like a pine-scented forest. Nice touch, Patel. Will you look at these sales totals? With the kind of brisk business you've done here in my absence, I should go away more often. Lester: Sir, if I might, um, the truth is that the, the pressure of management, it's, it's just too much. I would really, uh, appreciate it if I could just resume my former position. Big mike: You sure, son? Lester: Yes. Yes, thank you. Big mike: What the hell? Norman! Sarah: Isn't that supposed to be a raw steak? Chuck: Not on a Buy More salary, thank you very much. I did, however, scrape together enough cash to get you a cooked one as well. Medium rare with... Both: Extra pickles? extra pickles. Chuck: Come on, who do you think you're dealing with here? Sarah: Well, I never doubted you, Special Agent Charles Carmichael. Chuck; So I guess the big secret about you is that you used to be just a typical high school student. Wish I knew what happened to change that. IN CASE OF EMERGENCY LOVE YOU, DADDY Graham: Nice toss. Sarah: Who are you? Graham: I'm the man who put your father in prison. The question is: Who are you? In San Diego, you go by Jenny Burton. In Wisconsin, it's Katie O'Connell. In Cleveland, it's Rebecca Franko. Funny thing is when I looked at your birth certificate... Sarah: I get your point. What do you want? Graham: Your father scammed some pretty dangerous people. I saved his life by putting him in jail. Sarah: Well, don't expect a thank-you note. Graham: I can save your life, too. No, not that way. Your dad trained you pretty well. The CIA can do even better. You like names so much, hmm? What do you think about Sarah Walker? Chuck: Sarah Walker, hello. Sarah: Okay, fine. I'll answer one question about my past. You've earned that much. Chuck: Hmm. No, thanks. I don't need to know more, not about who you were, 'cause as much as you don't think so, I know who you are. A girl I'd like to share a cheeseburger with. Should I get a Knfe? I'll get a Kn*fe. Sarah: That won't be necessary. Chuck: That's awesome and a little disturbing. A LITTLE BIT MESSY. YOU WANT A BIG HALF OR...	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x04 - Chuck Versus the Cougars"}	foreverdreaming
Stu: Stu Brewster here, and I'd like you all to meet Jeffery Barnes, the new mssile Command world champ. SAN FERNANO VALLEY, 1983 VALLEY VIDEO GAME CHAMPIONSHIPS Thanks for joining us, Jeff. Jeff: My pleasure, Stu. Stu: Now, Jeff, you've dedicated the last three years of your life to playing mssile Command. You've managed to take a video game and raise it to a level that can only be described as an art form. So let me ask the question on everybody's mind: What's next for Jeff Barnes? Jeff; What's next? Uh... I hadn't really, uh... How can I make up my mind when I've got so many tasty options? SAN FERNANDO VALLEY 25 YEARS LATER Jeff: I’ve got so many tasty options Morgan: Jeff, please. There we go, buddy. Score. Big Mike:,Powwow on the sales floor. And one of you two idiots better light a fre under Bartowski. He's late. Ellie: Aren't you forgetting something? Captain awesome: It's only the most important meal of the day, bud. Chuck: Of course! Breakfast. Thanks. What did I... What is that? What did I just drink? Awesome: It's a ginseng protein shake. Been used thousands of years in the East to promote Yang energy. And let me tell you, brother, it does wonders for your wang energy. Chuck: Great, thanks. Ellie: Hey, where were you last night? We heard you come stomping in at, like, 4:00 in the morning. Chuck: Yeah, oh, yeah, it was a... it was a crazy night. Morgan and I stole a car, and then we drove around shaking down liquor stores and smacking around hookers. Relax, it's a video game. Ellie: Oh, good... video games. Awesome: Come on, El. I mean, what's one night of blwing off a little steam? Ellie: One nights have a funny way of adding up. I mean, what's cool when you're in college... Captain awesome: We were just wondering... what happened to all your big plans, bro? All that talk about backpacking across Europe, or finishing your college classes? Chuck; You know, I just have a lot on my plate at this precise moment. Ellie: Well, like what, precisely? Chuck, we were happy when you decided not to move out, but shouldn't your life be moving somewhere? Big Mike: It's time for you people to get moving around here. Show some initiative! Well, I've got just the guy to help. I'd like you to meet Emmett Milbarge. Emmett here's an efficiency expert, and he's been sent by Buy More corporate to tighten your slack-asses up. Emmett: Thank you for your very kind words of introduction, Michael. Big Mike; I'll be in my office. Emmett; Well, it is just so nice to be here in... Morgan: Burbank. Emmett: Burbank, California. Just a real pleasure to meet all of you in the flesh. I personally am looking forward to spending more time here in the Buy More trenches, getting to know the rank and the file. Unfortunately, my visit here isn't going to be all fun. I'm going to be interviewing you, and I'm going to be evaluating you on your performance, And, perhaps, even... trimming the fat. So... who would like to go first? We'll just start out simple. Why do you belong at the Buy More? Jeff: I satisfy a quota. My dad's part Indian. The cool kind of Indian, though, not like Lester. Lester: I used to be in management, myself, so I know how to grease the store's... cogs. Emmett: "Cogs"? Lester: Make sure they don't... squeak. If you know what I'm saying. ASS-KISSER Morgan: Why do I belong at the Buy More? You know, I'm going to have to think about that. I'm going to go grab a soda. And... You want one? 'Cause it's my treat. I'll gr- I'll grab you one. And I'll be back in a jiff. UNTRAINABLE Anna: I speak more than one language, binary code. Zero, zero, zero, one, one, zero, one... zero. prosttute? Lester: What would I do? I'd just ask W-W-C-D? "What would Chuck do? " Emmett; Chuck? Anna: The chain of command? Well, there's, like, Chuck, and then there's, like, the rest of us. Oh, and then there's Jeff. Lester: Sometimes I... W-W-C-D-N? "Wonder what Chuck's doing now? " Emmett;Who represents the Buy More ideal? Who makes the trains run on time? Who provides your moral compass? Who holds the team together? Jeff: Chuck. Anna: Chuck. Lester; Lester... no, Chuck. Morgan: Chuck. Well... I'm looking forward to meeting this Chuck fella. If he ever decides to show up. Morgan: Chuck, you picked one hell of a morning to be late. Chuck; Yeah, crazy night, Morgan. Morgan; Lover's tryst? Say no more. Unless you care to infuse your story with a more tawdry level of detail? You don't. Okay, listen, there's this efficiency guy who's been looking all over for you, all right. So if he asks, you have gallstone issues. That's a thing, right? Chuck; Morgan? Emmett: Well, I had to think on my feet here, Chuck. This Emmett guy's been busting my... preconceptions. And helping me see the Buy More in a whole new... Hey, hello! This is him... Chuck. Emmett: We finally meet, Chuck. Chuck: Hi. SOMALIA TRAINING CAMPS DIRTY bmb TRADE NUCLEAR wapon TRAINING Emmett: Are you feeling all right? Chuck: No- yes! Yes, I'm fine. Actually on second thought, I think my gallstones are acting up, so... Farrohk: Hi. Do you know this man? Chuck: No. No, never seen him before in my life. Wait a minute. Is that one of the sweat hogs from Welcome Back, Kotter? Farrohk: He is a Buy More employee. Chuck: You know, he doesn't work at this store. But you should check out one of our other 13 convenient Southern California locations. Farrohk: Hmm... Casey: Farrokh Bulsara, CLASSIFIED born in the Asir Province, 1974. The past ten years, he's been hopping between training camps from Syria to Somalia. Chuck; What does a global trror1st want with a nerd like Jeff? Casey: Insightful question, Bartowski. It's why we have an Intersect. Sarah: We want you to approach Jeff socially. Get to know him better and see if you can get him to open up about his past. Chuck: You want me to hang out with Jeff? Casey: It's either that, or we throw him in the back of a van and have an agency interrogation team go to work on him. Chuck: Great, so it comes down to either torturing him or torturing me? Sarah:,Looks like we got a bogey. Ellie: Sarah? Chuck: Is that my sister? Sarah: Ellie, what a surprise. Ellie: Yeah, I was just driving around I thought it'd be nice, uh... I thought it would be nice if you and I could talk without Chuck, actually. Sarah: Oh, okay. Casey: Not polite to spy, Chuck. Ellie: I would hate it if he found out that I was going behind his back like this. Oh, well, your secret is safe with me. Ellie: Do you know if he has any plans? Sarah; Tonight? Uh, actually, I think he is hanging out with Jeff. Ellie: Nerd Herd, creepy, serial-kller Jeff? Sarah; Yeah. Ellie: I think it's time that you and I had a talk. Emmett: I hope you enjoyed your fro-yo? Chuck: Ha. Yeah, I was, uh, just seeing my girlfriend. Emmett: Girlfriend? Oh... I, too, have a special lady friend. Henrietta. She works in our Ontario branch, accounts payable. She's a real tigress. Well, now that we've gotten the topic of our love life out of the way, perhaps you'd like to sit down for our interview. Chuck: How is tomorrow? 'Cause I'm really more of a morning person. Emmett: I'll be the judge of that. Chuck; Hey, buddy. Where are you going? Jeff: What'd I do? Chuck: Nothing! No. You know... nothing. Just... you know, we never really get the chance to talk. How about we grab a beer? Jeff: No, thanks. I could be enticed to grab a dozen beers, however. Chuck: It's a date. Jeff: We can kick it at my place. You're going to love Roscoe. He's my ferret. Chuck: Ooh... you know what? I'm actually allergic to any and every member of the polecat family. So maybe we can kick it here? Jeff: Sure. Lester: Hmm. Morgan: Hmm... Emmett: Following a thorough inspection of the branch, there seems to be no sign of intelligent life. Jeff: May I present tonight's feature entertainment. Chuck: You made an Anna music video? Jeff: You like? Chuck: Wow. It's really- Wow. Jeff: I know, man. She's my muse. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to slip into my drinking pants. Chuck: Look at that! Abort mission. Extraction required. The Intersect has been compromised. Casey: Negative. Perimeter is secure. Chuck; I'm talking about the weirdo inside the Buy More! Ellie: I'm starting to think that there's something going on with my brother. Sarah: Oh. Why? What do you mean? Ellie: It's just everything seemed to be moving along just fine for Chuck. And you had everything to do with that. Sarah: Oh, thanks, but, uh, I-I can't take the credit. Ellie: Then, I don't know, it's like... it's like he's slipping back into old Chuck mode. You know, no confidence. No direction. It's- it's the Morgan Years revisited. I mean he went to Stanford, for God's sakes. Did you know that he's 12 credits short of graduating? 12 credits short of a real life. I know that I sound like his mother. Just tell me that I don't have anything to worry about and I will lay off. Jeff: Pound! Pound! Pound! Go! Yes! Pound! Pound! Quit being such a lightweight! Emmett; Resuming dictation. Jeff: Yes! Yes! Emmett: I'd like to report the following violation of Buy More policy: misappropriation of the home theater room, after hours consumption of alcohol. And lewd use of a musical montage. I'm going home at once to file this report. Chuck: Crazy thing happened today. Uh, some dude came into the store looking for you. He had this goofy, old picture and everything. Jeff: Only a matter of time, I guess. Chuck: What? You mean you know the guy? Jeff; I'd imagine... he's one of my fans. You want to see something I've never shared with anyone? Chuck; Please don't be a prn. Please, please don't be a prn. Stu: And I'd like you all to meet Jeffery Barnes. The new mssile Command world champ. Chuck: mssile Command? I used to kick ass at that game. Jeff: Well, I was the best. Stu: By breaking the all-time record, you've won $100 in quarters and a year's supply of Slim Jim's. This prize will be presented by none other than Mr. Morimoto, CEO and chief engineer at Atari games. Jeff: Dude, you are so wasted. FACIAL SCANNING COMPLETE FARROKH BULSARA Casey: What is it about bad guys and vans? Okay. Okay, Chuck, party's over. Chuck: Hey, hey, I- I flashed! Some guy on the TV. He's a video... Casey: Later, Chuck. We have guests. Out the back door. Now! Chuck; Wait, wait, wait, wait, what about Jeff? Casey: What about him? We can't just leave him here. Casey: He's deadweight. Chuck: You weren't kidding. Casey: Go! Go! He pukes on my upholstery, he's gonna wish we left him with the trrorists. Farrohk: Search the place. Ellie: Should I be worried about him? Sarah: You know, um, Chuck is, uh... Chuck is like a duck. Sometimes it seems like he is just gliding along, but beneath the surface, his, uh... his little feet are-are just paddling away like crazy. Deep down, I really think Chuck is an incredibly mature and responsible guy. Ellie; Chuck? Chuck: Oh! Ellie: Oh, is he okay? Chuck: Yeah. Don't worry. This guy's feeling no pain. Ouch. Here we go. Here we go. Big boy. Big boy. Jeff: What's up, ladies? You take the brunette. I'm gonna take a crack at the blonde. ♪♪♪ Ellie: Oh... ! Jeff! Jeff: I'm, uh, supposed to give this to you. Ellie: My name is jeff and I'm lost okay. Is that your address? Jeff: Yeah. Ellie: All right, we're gonna get you a cab. Chuck: Already have. Already here. Thank you. Great. Awesome. Come on, Jeff. That was a great time last night, huh? You got smashed and passed out, and we just watched, and it was really awkward. Okay, here you go, buddy. Get home safe. Ellie; Chuck. Chuck: We're about to have one of those conversations, aren't we? Ellie: Well, if I wasn't worried enough, last night's performance was... Chuck: Not... Not one of my proudest moments. Ellie: Uh-uh. I feel like you left all those back at Stanford. I'm sorry. I just... You were so close to graduating. You know, maybe if you just went back and finished, you could move on to the next phase. I mean, if the world were gonna end today, why would you want to... ? Chuck: I- I hear you. I really do. But all those goals I used to have- I still have 'em. Ellie: Okay. Chuck; Hey, sis? The world's not gonna end today. I have very reliable sources. Wild night, huh, buddy? Jeff: Nah. Pretty standard Tuesday. Lester: This is bad. This is very bad. Can't you see that we're losing them, man? I'm your best friend, Jeff. No, I'm your best friend, Chuck! Oh, isn't life grand! Maybe we should form an alliance. You and me could be best friends? Morgan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, dude. Let's not, uh... Let's not panic here, okay? Jeff: Thanks, man. Chuck: Well, you know... Jeff: It was very comfortable. Sure. Sarah: Excuse me. We need to talk. Chuck: My sister thinks I'm an idiot, I know. Sarah: Actually, we just got some fresh intel on your favorite video game designer. There were a few things Morimoto left out of his bio. Casey: Yeah. Guy secretly worked for Japanese military. In 1980, they launched Morimoto's first-generation wapon satellite. Chuck; The guy who created mssile Command commands actual mssile? Casey: Via satellite. Sarah; It's still up there- dormant, but presumed operational. Casey; Anyone knows how to fre that puppy up, it's Morimoto. Chuck; And you think he's working with Farrokh and the trrorists? Casey: Well, he hasn't been seen in years. We captured this image outside Morimoto's office about an hour ago. Chuck: What about Jeff? How is he supposed to be involved in all this? Sarah:,The only way to find out is to get into Atari headquarters. Casey: Security's going to be tight. Sarah: But if we don't secure the satellite, then Jeff's safety is gonna be the least of our concerns. So how do you want to do this? Chuck: Guys... I have an idea. All right, be cool, Casey. Casey: Have you seen what I'm wearing? Chuck; Just let me do the talking, okay? These are my people- programmers, nerds. And right now, their network is being attcked by a particularly nasty virus. Back at Stanford, we called it the Bartowski special. Casey: Yeah, real cool there, Chuck. Damn computers are out all over the building. Chuck: Gentlemen, excuse me. What do you want? Chuck: We heard you're having a computer problem. Someone called. Bill? Bob... I can't remember, exactly; it was a very common name. Yeah, we got it covered. Chuck: Mind if I take a peek? Look, nerd, Atari has more Ph. D. s than friggin' Microsoft. Yeah. Why don't you help some old lady log onto AOL? Nice one. Ooh! Casey: Plan B. Sarah: Hi. I hear you're having a computer problem. Chuck: See, if I could just get onto that terminal, I could set off the fre alarm, I could crash the power, create a diversion. Casey:,Or we could just take the stairs. Looks like Agent Walker's got the diversion pretty well covered. Chuck; Sarah doesn't even know how to fix a computer. The second she touches that machine, our cover's blown. The CPUs have been massively overvolted, but we may be able to ghost the drive on another system. The more elegant solution would be to flash the BIOS and swap out the cooked CPU. Sarah: What are you guys waiting for? Casey; Okay. I'm gonna see if I can find another way into the penthouse. You wait here where it's safe. Chuck: This place is creepy. So creepy. Farrohk: Well, if it isn't my friend from the Buy More. What a funny coincidence finding you here. Chuck: Yeah, it's freakin' hilarious. What a small world, right? I got a... I got a call about a computer that was acting up here, and so... In fact, is this the right floor? I don't even know if it's... Farrohk: You have the correct floor. This way. Please. Chuck: You know if you're busy, I can come back another time. Farrohk; Uh-uh. Your timing was perfect. I hope the machine doesn't give you too much trouble. ♪ What you say about his company ♪ ♪ Is what you say about society ♪ ♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪ ♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift ♪ Morimoto: You should not be here. Chuck: Um, uh... ♪ The world is, the world is... ♪ Mr. Morimoto? You listening to Rush? Morimoto: You are too late. He took the code. Who are they, trrorists? I knew I should've never hidden the numbers inside the machine. Chuck: You hid the satellite code inside a game of mssile Command? Morimoto: Every game, hidden in the final board. The kll screen. A secret level only I could achieve. The mathematics underlying the final board are too advanced. It's like the music of the universe. Casey: Hands up. I am sorry, I cannot do that. Casey; What's going on here, Chuck? Chuck; Wait. Wait, if the bad guys have the code, why are you still playing the game? Casey; Uh-oh. Morimoto: We're running out of time! SAVE YOURSELVES! Casey: Let's get out of here, Chuck. Chuck: No, we can't just leave him here. Casey: Not this time. Chuck: No, no, no, wait! Go, go, go! It's a... wait, wait! Casey: THE END General, we're sorry to report that Farrokh and his team have the code. Chuck: That, and they mrder Morimoto. Beckman: That means that your duties are no longer required on this operation. Casey, we're turning this matter over to the 30th Space Wing at Vandenberg. Sarah: Wait, you're launching an ICBM? You think you can sht down that satellite before it sht us? Beckman: Morimoto's satellite will be passing over California in four hours. Best case, we sht it down off the coast before its own mssile are armed. The satellite falls to Earth with acceptable civilian casualties. Chuck: Wait a second, acceptable what? I'd like to hear the bad version. Beckman: We miss. Chuck: What happens then? Sarah: Farrokh uses Morimoto's satellite to start World wr III. Chuck: Hey, what about the... what about the kll screen? Beckman: Excuse me? - Chuck: mssile Command - Morimoto said that the code is hidden in every arcade game. If we can get to the kll screen, we can get the code, and then we can take control of the satellite. Beckman: We'll have our engineers take a... Chuck: No, look, the only way to get the code is by beating the game, and the only person who can bat the game... Casey: Is brned to a crisp. Chuck: I was talking about Jeff. Casey: So was I. Beckman: Casey, you coordinate with the Air Force while Mr. Bartowski pursues his... contingency plan. But I promise you, one way or another, I am bringing that satellite down. Jeff: You want me to come out of mssile Command retirement? You're serious? Chuck: Deadly. Jeff: I don't know, man. Chuck: Come on, what's the problem? Jeff: I guess I'm just cool with resting on my laurels and whatnot. Chuck; But Jeff... you could be the first guy to ever get to the kll screen. Jeff: Listen, it doesn't exist. The kll screen's just a myth. Chuck: I promise you, it's real, and you're the only one who can do it. Jeff: I'm a little out of shape, mentlly. Chuck: Jeff, it's just a stupid video game! Jeff: That's where you're wrong, Chuck. It's more than a game. Besides, what do you care whether I play or not? Chuck: I guess I was just really moved by what you said last night. Jeff; Huh? Chuck: Oh, you remember. Come on. How you were sick and tired of busting your ass at this stupid store. How you had this incredible gift that you couldn't wait for the world to see. Jeff: Really? I said that? Chuck: Sure you did, Jeff. Jeff: About mssile Command? Chuck: You were very compelling. Jeff: Okay, I'll do it. I'll play. Buddy... But first, I'm gonna need provisions. I need two bottles grape cough syrup, one pound M&Ms, no brown, and my lucky arcade game from the Gas 'N Sip in Tarzana. Casey: Done. Chuck:Really? Jeff: I want Anna wearing a hula skirt fanning me with a palm frond. Casey: HUH? Jeff: I sweat profusely when I play. And finally, I need a crowd. I want you to get some of my old fans back. Casey: Come on. The people that were into that game are in their 40s now. They have jobs, and wives, and kids and... Chuck: Hey, hey, hey- Morgan, buddy. Can you give me a hand with this? Morgan: Why don't you just go ask your buddy, Jeff? Chuck: He's in the break room. We're putting together this like video game exhibition-thingy this afternoon. Jeff's gonna make a run at the all-time mssile Command high score. Morgan: Whoa. Chuck: Hey, where are you going? Morgan: Sounds like you two guys got it all worked out. Morgan, I desperately need your help, okay? Chuck: If Jeff doesn't break the mssile Command record... Morgan: What, Chuck? The world's gonna end? Chuck; Look, all I know is that I need your help. Okay, I can't do this without you, buddy. I can't. Hey, hey, was Jeff... was Jeff the president of his high school audio/video club? Doubt it. Was Jeff a roadie for Mamma Mia for four straight summers? Does Jeff own his own smoke machine? Morgan: No, but I do. Okay. Chuck: Huh? Morgan: Jeff is a loser, dude. I'll see what I can do. Chuck: You're the best, buddy. Oh, and I'm gonna need to borrow your girlfriend. Morgan: Oh, dude, she's all yours. Great. JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION! Reporter: mssile COMMAND JEFF BARNES TO PLAY EXHIBITION! mssile COMMAND THE GREAT ONE RETURNS JEFF BARNES AT BUY MORE ASAP! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! I'm here at a Burbank electronics store where a local man prepares to break the mssile Command record. BLAST FROM THE PAST A FADING STAR SEEKS NEW GLORY Now for those of you who weren't around a quarter century ago, Jeffrey Barnes first made his mark on... way back in 1983. Chuck: Sarah, Sarah- I know where Farrokh is. The trrorists are using a television station to control the satellite; they're here in L.A. Sarah: Chuck flashed. He knows where they're controlling the satellite. There is still time before the satellite is in range. Casey: Maybe Chuck's right, but there's nothing you can do to stop it without the code. Sarah: Well, I'm going to go to the news station. Casey: Knock yourself out. I have my orders. 33 minutes and five seconds, this finger gonna push that button. Sarah: Hmm. I'll call you from the road. Casey: Agent Walker. Sarah: Yes. Casey: Who do you trust to bring down a rogue satellite more: some burnout loser playing a video game or an Air Force ICBM? Sarah: I trust Chuck. Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Jeff! Stu: I'd like you all to meet Jeffrey Barnes. Jeff: Uh... Stu: mssile Command world champ. Jeff: I don't feel so hot. Chuck: What? No, no, no. You're gonna be great. You look great. You're gonna kll it, buddy. Jeff: What was I thinking, man? No one can get the kll screen. I can't handle the math. Stu: You've dedicated three years of your life to playing mssile Command. Jeff: It's too heavy. It feels like my brain is about to... What's next for Jeff Barnes, mssile Command world champ? Lester: Get up for a second. Hey. Anna: I'll get some water. Morgan:Hey, we-we-we need to take care of this. Yeah. Here I come. Chuck; Hey, hey. Come on, buddy, come on! Wake up, buddy! You got to play! You got to get the kll screen, you got to get the code. If we don't stop that satellite, they're gonna launch some crazy mssile into space and then-then... then it's World wr III. Acceptable civilian casualties. Oh, my God. Ellie: Hey, Chuck, what's up? Chuck: Hey, I was thinking, why don't you guys get out of town, maybe Palm Springs, you and Awesome just get out of town. Now, actually, would be a great time. Trip's on me, you know. Early wedding present. Ellie; Wait a minute. Are you trying to get rid of me? Chuck: No, no, I just thought it'd be nice. Ellie: What's gotten into you? Chuck: I don't know. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I- I know I've been a bit of a disappointment lately. I- I-I want you to be proud of me. I just... I ran out of time, that's all. Ellie: Why don't we talk about this when you get home? Chuck: I got to run. I love you, Ellie. Ellie; Honey, do you think my brother's on drugs? Awesome: That'd explain a lot. Morgan: They're going nuts out there, okay? These nerds are gonna tear this joint apart. You got to do something. Chuck: What am I supposed to do? Morgan: Well, they came to see video game greatness. Someone better deliver. Ladies and gentlemen... or Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the challenger. Hailing from the City of Angels, the Master of Disaster... What's going on? ... the King of Sting, the Dancing Destroyer, Charles Irving Bartowski! Crowd; Who is this guy? Where's Jeff Barnes? Emmett;,Who authorized this? This is an abomination. THE END Crowd; You suck, Bartowski. Chuck: Are you listening to Rush? Morimoto: Music of the universe. Chuck; mssile Command. The mathematical pattern underlying the game is exactly the same as- Morgan. Hey, uh, buddy, do, do we carry any Rush CDs in the store? Morgan: No need, I got 'em all on my Zune. Chuck: You have a Zune? Morgan; Are you kidding me? No. No, I'll grab my iPod. Chuck: Good, good, good, I have, I have a very, very special request. On my mark. Three, two, one. Mark! ♪ A modern-day warrior-mean, mean stride ♪ ♪ Today's Tom Sawyer-mean, mean pride... ♪ ♪ Though his mind is not for rent ♪ ♪ Don't put him down as arrogant ♪ ♪ His reserve, a quiet defense ♪ ♪ Riding out the day's events ♪ ♪ The river... ♪ Welcome to Strategic Air Command, Major Casey. ♪ What you say about his company ♪ ♪ Is what you say about society ♪ ♪ Catch the mist, catch the myth ♪ ♪ Catch the mystery, catch the drift... ♪ Engaging telemetry. Arming warhead. And opening silo door. ♪ No, his mind is not for rent ♪ ♪ To any God or government ♪ ♪ Always hopeful, yet discontent ♪ ♪ He knows changes aren't permanent... ♪ Sarah: Give me the code. It was destroyed. Chuck: I'm gonna do this. Fahrohk: No one can stop the satellite now! Sarah: Tell me what the target is. What's the satellite aimed at? Fahrohk: Why? It doesn't matter. No one will remember who threw the first stone. Chuck: Oh, my God. Crowd member; Gentlemen, we have a kll screen. Chuck: I got this. Target's to range. Releasing synchronized safeties. On my mark. Three, two, one, mark. CONGRATULATIONS, MR. MORIMOTO. WOULD YOU LIKE TO PLAY AGAIN? YES NO NO OZPGSB fre when ready, sir. Sarah: Chuck, what's happening? Chuck: Sarah, I did it! I did it, I bat the game. I got to the kll screen. I got the code! The game- it follows a pattern. It's just like Mr. Morimoto said- the music of the universe. Sarah: Chuck, just give me the code. Chuck: Oscar... Zelda... Penguin... Gamma... Sector... Bob... wapon SEQUENCE TERMINATED Oh, my God. Satellite's powering down. Terminate launch sequence. Casey: This bogey's bugging out and going home. Damn. Sarah: You did it, Chuck. It worked! How does it feel to be a hero, Mr. Bartowski? Oh. Oh. Big Mike: Looks like you fools had one hell of a party. Congratulations, Bartowski. That's quite an achievement. And in light of today's events, I'd like to announce there's a new assistant manager amongst us. Morgan: What'd I tell you, man? It's all coming up Bartowski. Big Mike: You all remember Mr. Emmett Milbarge. Mr. Milbarge has volunteered to stay on for... well, as long as it takes. Emmett: That's right, Michael. I'm afraid this branch is sick. And not the kind of sick that can be fixed with a Band-Aid. What this Buy More needs requires a surgeon. Someone who doesn't mind getting up to their elbows in guts. Mmm. And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna reach in, wrap my fingers around the disease, and rip... it... out. Chuck: How you feeling, buddy? Jeff: Better. Chuck: Good. Jeff: Thanks. So... mssile Command champion. Chuck: I got lucky. You know. Jeff: Congrats. I'm glad it was you. Chuck: I mean, you're sure you're not... Jeff:,Me? Uh-uh. I'm cool. Being number one is a real bitch. Feels like the whole world is gn for you, sometimes. Chuck: I can imagine. Jeff: So, what was it like? The kll screen? Forget it. I'll see you tomorrow. Ellie: Oh, I am so proud of you! Chuck: Hey, relax. It's just a video game. Granted, I am the best mssile Commander in the world. Ellie: I'm not talking about a stupid video game. I'm talking about this. Sarah told us what's inside. Chuck: My diploma? Ellie: Well, don't act so surprised. Awesome: You sly dog. Sarah also told us about what you've been doing behind our backs. Chuck: She did? Really? Awesome: Yeah. No wonder you've been such a mess this past year. Ellie: Why didn't you tell us that you were taking online courses? Chuck: Oh! Oh, right... that. Awesome: You two kids have some celebrating to do. She's waiting out back. You'll thank me for that ginseng shake in the morning. Ellie: You really surprised me, Charles. Chuck; Well, thanks for my fake diploma. Sarah: What do you mean? Chuck: I get it. You know, you had one of your CIA pal's doctor it up to get Ellie off my back. Sarah: It's real, Chuck. Chuck; Come on. Sarah: I'm serious. You graduated. Chuck: What about my last 12 credits? Sarah: Well, Casey and I decided that your exceptional field service ought to count for something and Stanford agreed. Chuck; Huh. And by exceptional, you mean, like, uh, I don't know, decrypting wapon-satellite codes? Sarah: Electrical Engineering. Chuck; Or running away from exploding games of m*ssile Command? Sarah: Physical Education. You earned it, Chuck. Chuck: Thank you. Sarah: You see that star out there on the horizon? That's the Air Force bouncing Morimoto's satellite off the atmosphere and burning it up. Make a wish. It's yours. Jeff: Hey, bud. Let's party.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x05 - Chuck Versus Tom Sawyer"}	foreverdreaming
Chuck: Hi, I am Chuck. Here are a few things that you might need to know. Jill! Ellie: There's no scenario in which you should be going to dinner with the girl that dumped you, broke your heart and slept with your best friend. Jill: What about your cover girlfriend? Won't she be jealous? Chuck: Our relationship's a cover. You know, there's nothing to be jealous about. Jill: Chuck this is my boss, Guy LeFleur. Chuck: Hi. Nice to meet you. Beckman: MI-6 has reports that he may have developed a wapon which he plans to sell to the highest bidder. The assassin Agent Walker sht was a member of FULCRUM. If Jill knows something, they may make a play for her. Chuck: The sensor will be blind for 20 seconds. Welcome to the world of international espionage. Very handy for picnics. Jill: I have to say, I still can't wrap my head around the idea of you as a spy. You never told me how that happened. Chuck: Uh... well... You don't choose your profession, Jill. The right job chooses you. Jill: Still-- never would've guessed it. Chuck: Well, how about you soak up this romantic view. Jill: Yeah, real romantic. Chuck: What? This is the Buy More roof. You smell that? You smell what you're smelling right now? That is rarefied air, that very few people ever get to experience. Not to mention the fact that there aren't a lot of places I can go that aren't under constant surveillance. The government finds me very... very valuable. Jill: Well, I can't say that I blame them. You've got to be kidding me. Wait, hold on. Give me a break. Are you kidding me? I've got her here. We're having some food. Casey; Amateur. Sarah: Casey, is that necessary? How much trouble can he get into on a date? Casey: It's Bartowski. You're pretty nonchalant about your supercomputer boyfriend trying to browse someone else's network. Sarah; Well, I am just his cover girlfriend. .chuck: .. with your bank of monitors. You get off on this, don't you? Sarah; Chuck's entitled to a real one. Beckman; Major Casey, Agent Walker. I have the intel on your new mission. But it's going to require some unorthodox reconnaissance. Turns out our deceased doctor, Guy LeFleur, obtained a list of CIA code names for the agents he worked with. We have reason to believe it's a list of FULCRUM operatives. This may be our only chance to find the corrupt agents within our ranks. Sarah: Great. And where's the list now? Beckman: Intel thinks it's hidden in Guy's hotel room at the Waldron. We have to get that list before FULCRUM does. You need to take the Intersect in off-the-record and see if he can flash. Perhaps Chuck can find out where the list is hidden. Sarah: You want us to break into a government-controlled crime scene? Casey: It's the FBI. How hard can it be? Sarah: Bogie at 5:00. I'll handle this. Chuck: Really? A camera on the roof because of what? All the trror1st activity on top of the Buy More? Sarah; Okay, Casey may have been a little aggressive, but we just received our new mission. Chuck: Already? Sarah; Tomorrow we're going to break into Guy LeFleur's hotel room. We think he might have a list of all the FULCRUM agents that were blackmailing him. Chuck: Wow. Okay. Can we talk about this tomorrow? Because I have Jill waiting for me in the car. Sarah: Of course. Chuck: Okay, thanks. Sarah: Uh, Chuck... is everything all right? Chuck: Yeah... yeah, I'm fine. Why do you ask? Or is this some spy thing? Some psych evaluation or something like that? Sarah: It's a friend thing. I just want to make sure you're okay. Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, I'm great. Being with Jill, is... is... It's like having my old life back, you know? And not to bash on our cover, but I'd forgotten what it's like to be with someone who knows the real me. Sarah: Well, from everything I've seen, she seems like a great girl. Chuck: Well, if you could see a little less. Maybe ease up on the whole Chuck Bartowski 24-hour surveillance. Sarah: Yeah, I'll talk to Casey. You deserve your privacy, Chuck. Chuck: Thank you. Okay. So Sarah said there's going to be an easing up of the Chuck surveillance. Casey: You're a government asset, Chuck. Sometimes your personal life has to take a backseat. Chuck: We tried the backseat. You have a camera in the car, too. Come on, how many... how many second chances do you get with the one who got away? Plus, she already knows I'm a... you know. Casey; I'm not even interested in my own feelings, Bartowski. Keep your mind on the mission. We leave in ten. Morgan: Hey, Chuck. Morning. Canada has just delivered its most delightful gift since Shania Twain. Behold the Q-36 game copier. Check it out-- now all we have to do is rent a game, rip it, and we never have to pay for our entertainment again. Chuck: Yeah, Big Mike's going to be thrilled seeing as how we sell video games. Morgan; Come on, dude, this thing can ignore all forms of copy protection. It can copy anything. Highly illegal. Emmett; What's illegal, gentlemen? Oh. Going to smoke some weed on your lunch break? A little reefer? Ganja? I have heard the loading dock is like a Five for Fighting concert. So fierce. Chuck, can I see you in my office, please? Chuck: Uh, sorry, Emmett, can't. Got to go. Emmett: Oh, really? Where? Chuck; Uh... it's an off-site install. It's probably going to take a while, so... See ya. Jill: You're going to a hotel tonight with your cover girlfriend? Chuck: Well, uh, you know, I mean, if it's any comfort... overnight missions normally involve Casey and a whole lot of firearms. So, nothing romantic about it. Jill: So what is this Sarah like? Is she pretty? Chuck: Um, well... I could understand how a typical heterosexual male might find her aesthetically pleasing, you know. And if someone were to ask me, "Chuck, technically, objectively, do you find your CIA handler Sarah attractive? " Then I might say, "Technically, objectively... Sure. " Jill: Uh-huh. And all those missions you go on, it's not exciting and romantic? Chuck: Look, you got it all wrong. There is nothing about this job that's glamorous or sexy. All right. Hi-oh. Was it absolutely necessary for you to dress up like a... ? Sarah: An escort? Chuck: Yeah, yeah, an escort. And why exactly is Mr. Carmichael paying you to have sex with me... him? Sarah: The Waldron is notorious for its high-end businessmen and their trysts. It's our cover, so sell it. Bellhop: Wonder how much that costs? Casey: I've got the security feed. It looks like the FBI has Guy's room on lockdown. We won't be asking permission before we slip in. We'll just enter through the ventilation system. Chuck: Hey, hey... how long is this going to take? Casey: What's the matter, Bartowski, you got a date? Chuck: Actually, yes. Ow! Sarah: You okay? Casey: Why don't you just call ahead and let them know we're coming? Chuck; Sorry. Casey: Idiot. I'm just trying to figure out what time I'm going to be home. Sarah: Well, just do the cover math. How long would it take for a businessman to have sex with a prosttute? Chuck: Stupid phone. Jill: Hello? Chuck: Sarah, you think this shouldn't take us more than an hour to have sex from start to finish? Sarah: Uh-huh. Chuck: And... begin. What... what am I... What am I doing wrong here? Sarah: Well, just move your hips a little to the left. Chuck: Okay... okay. This is way more exhausting than I thought it would be. Sarah: Well, we can't just race right through it. Chuck: Your knees aren't hurting? What, did you go to a school to learn how to do this? Emmett; Hey, how are you? Morgan: Hello, Emmett. I was just coming in here to get a snack. Emmett: Oh, you do not need a snack. Please. Morgan: Okay. Emmett; Morgan, I want you to imagine, for a moment, that Buy More is a country. Morgan: Ah, BuyMoria. Emmett: Yes. How did you know that? Morgan: I've thought about it for years. Emmett: This is fantastic. Now, imagine that all its employees are the states that make up this great nation. Morgan: Yeah, I can dig it. Emmett: And, if you will, one of these states is looking to secede from the union. Chuck. Morgan: Whoa. Okay, wait a minute. You're questioning Chuck's patriotism towards BuyMoria? No. Emmett: Where does he go all the time? I don't see receipts for all the off-site installs he does. What is he into, Morgan? Uppers? Glue? A baby mama? Morgan: Dude, you are out of your mind. Emmett: Maybe I am. Maybe I'm so far out of my mind that I've gotten myself all crawled up inside of yours. Let's see. Oh. This could be grounds for deportation from BuyMoria. Morgan: You wouldn't. Emmett: Help me, Morgan. Help me help Chuck. Morgan: Chuck doesn't need our help. Don't matter what she said. Afternoon guard duty is boring. Here. Sarah: What are you doing up there? Chuck; Help! Casey: Shh! It's the FBI. They're dumb, not deaf. Chuck: Thanks. Sorry. Hey. Hey. Guard; And then she shoves him in the pool. I swear, if it wasn't for the Xanax, she would have ripped his... Hey, man. I didn't expect to see you today. Well, never a day off when you need it. Ow! Shh! Shh! Shh! Casey: Does the word "silent" have a different meaning in geek that I'm not aware of? Chuck: Look, I'm sorry. I thought it was on vibrate. At least I got the list. It's a Venetian Puzzle Box. Very popular with Renaissance spies. Sarah: It's locked. Chuck; Hey-- beh, beh, beh. The running, jumping, sh*ting people part of the job, that's all you guys. But the puzzles, that's all me. I think it would be numerals one through 12 in a row. But these boxes used a complicated Fibonacci sequence. Let's see what we got. Sarah: Oh, Casey, gas! Casey:,Be right back with a containment unit. Chuck: Well, is it off? ! Get it off me! Sarah: Take your clothes off! Get in the shower now, quick! Chuck: Off! Get it off! Sarah: Pants off, come on! Chuck: I'm trying! Sarah: Hurry up! Get in, get in, get in. Chuck: Oh, cold! So-so-so cold! Sarah: Use the soap! Wash it! Chuck: Oh! Oh! Sarah: Get the-- Chuck: Oh, sorry, sorry! I'm trying to-- I'm not trying to... ! Sarah: Wash your face properly. Chuck: Tastes like soap! Tastes like soap! Sarah: In your hair. Chuck: Oh! Oh, God. Sarah: Get the door. That's Casey. We have no time to waste; quick. Chuck: Jill. Jill: Chuck. Chuck: How'd you... Jill: The bellman sent me to your room. I knew it. Chuck; Jill, wait! Wait, wait! It's not what you think! Jill, please! I could be dying! How long... how long does this thing take? How-how does Jill pick that exact moment to walk in on us? I mean, what-what- what are the odds? Does-does this, does this give us the antidote? Because I think I feel my throat is closing up on me right now. What is it? What is it, flesh-eating bacteria or anthrx? Am I gonna die? Casey: Nope. But you can add ice and give it to little kids to sell on street corners. Chuck: I knew it. Drugs. Casey: It's powdered fruit punch, dumb ass. Chuck: Wait... So not only did we not get the FULCRUM list, but Jill's never gonna speak to me again because she caught me naked, rinsing off fruit punch with another woman? Casey: Common spy problem. Chuck: Really? lester: I don't know what to tell you. I don't know anything. Emmett: Oh, of course you do, Lester. You've worked very closely with Charles for years. Perhaps I've overstated the nature of our relationship. Lester: We don't socialize much. In fact, I've felt slighted on more than one occasion. Emmett; Oh, good. Then you won't have a problem ratting him out. Lester: I have no ethical dilemma. I meant I just don't know anything! Emmett: Then who does? ! Lester: Jeff! I would ask Jeff. Jeff: I don't rat. Only thing my mother taught me from the joint. You want answers, talk to the Injun. Lester: "Injun" is a highly derogatory term referring to Native Americans, not East Indians, you cretin! Jeff: Grab a shiv and make your move. Lester; We should run now. He's in "prison mode. " Emmett: Shut up. I guess I haven't made myself clear. You both host an unsanctioned card game in this break room. You give me something on Bartowski or no more poker night. Jeff: Chuck's cheating on his lady. Lester: Yeah, we saw him and this brunette bird leaving some fancy, real-silverware joint a couple of nights ago. Jeff: She's not as well-endowed as I would like. Emmett: Come on. What's her name? Who is she? No more poker No... Lester; Morgan! You got to break Morgan. Chuck tells him everything. Jeff; His beard holds so many secrets. Emmett: Morgan. Chuck; Hey, Jill. It's-It's me again-- Chuck. Lucky message number four. Listen, I just wanted to say, I totally understand why you're not calling me back. Because, look, if I saw what you saw, then I'd be thinking what you're thinking, you know. Not that I presume to know what you're thinking. It's just a logical deduction to think what you saw would be what you think, if that's in fact what you're thinking. Actually, I can explain a lot better than that, if you just call me back. Please. At your earliest convenience. Bye. Lester: Grimes. You got to give Milbarge something, man. If you don't, he's not gonna let us have our weekly poker game. Jeff: Yeah, don't do it for us, Morgan. Do it for BuyMoria. Emmett: So, Grimes, have you thought any more about our chat this morning? Are you ready to help me help BuyMoria? Morgan: Yeah, okay, Emmett. Okay. You want to know where Chuck goes on these... service calls? Emmett: Yes, please. Morgan: He goes and he fixes computers and computer- related software. Emmett: Why do you protect him? What does that Charles have over you? Morgan: Um, 23 years of best friendship. Emmett: Oh, please. Morgan: I know everything there is to know about the man, but you're not gonna hear it from me. And if you're looking for dirt, well, nothing to say, dude, 'cause Chuck Bartowski is the straightest sh*t I know. Emmett: Really? Morgan: That's right. Emmett: You have a bizarre sense of straightest. Since your besty has two girlfriends. Morgan: What are you talking about? Emmett; I mean, isn't Bartowski's bimbo a blonde? Morgan: I don't know if Sarah's a natural blonde. I mean, it's kind of impolite to ask, you know. Morgan: Oh, my God, it's Jill. Emmett: Thank you. I didn't know its name. Morgan: That's, that's Chuck's old college girlfriend. Emmett: Thank you again. You're a font of information. Twice the intelligence I had before. Morgan: How could he not have told me? Emmett: Oh, you can have your poker game now. And do not worry. I will not tell Bartowski that his best buddy was the weak link. Cheers. Sorry. Okay. Chuck; Jill, thank you, thank you, thank you so much for-for coming, Jill. I appreciate it. Jill: You have three seconds to convince me what I saw wasn't what I saw. Chuck: That's gonna be a little tough, because I can't get into specifics without you having to know, like, really high-level, top-secret government... We broke into Guy's room trying to find some of his research, and we found this box, but when we opened it, it sprayed this stuff all over Sarah and I, so when you saw the two of us in our underpants what you really saw was two people trying to wash off what we thought was poison but really turned out to be powdered fruit punch. See? There. Simple. Do you believe me? Jill: What kind of fruit punch? Chuck: Okay, now you're just messing with me. Jill: No, no. Chuck, I believe you. Chuck: Really? Becau-- I-I was listening to what I just said right now, and I sounded completely ridiculous. Jill: Guy was crazy paranoid. You couldn't open an e-mail without solving a puzzle first. If he cared about something, he would have hidden it. Maybe the fruit punch was a clue. Chuck: We have to go somewhere. But before we do, how do you feel about blindfolds? Casey: You brought her here? Um... Bartowski, it's not a secret location if you invite people over. Chuck: Okay, but Jill here, Jill knows about Guy's puzzles. Casey: They just found two dad FBI agents in LaFleur's room. Now's not the time to be planning game night with your girlfriend. Chuck: Jill, would you please tell them what you told me, about how the fruit punch might actually be a clue. Jill: Guy's paranoia manifested itself in obscure ways: odd literary references, mathematical proofs. The log-on for his computer was a randomly selected word from a piece of Vogon poetry. Chuck: So what do you think the fruit punch might mean? Jill: What kind of fruit punch was it? Sarah: Uh, I guess, traditional fruit punch. Jill: You guess? Please tell me you got the exact formula. Okay, um, is there a mass spectrometer around? Chuck: Casey, get the spectrometer. Do we have one of those? Casey: I can see what the boy sees in her, huh? Jill: Now we compare the crystalline powder's chemical composition with a list of known products. Chuck: It's, um, it's Rootin' Raspberry-flavored Hi-C. Jill: Rootin' Raspberry? Maybe... Maybe it has something to do with a football team or cheerleaders? Sarah: What about international waters? Jill: High seas. That's good. That's good. Chuck: Wait, guys, guys, this is a music box. It's a music box. It's not high sea-- S-E-A. It's high "C, " like a musical note-- high "C. " Where's a pitch pipe when you need one? Hey! What? Casey: Choir boy. What? I wasn't hatched. Chuck: Ha-ha-ha! Check it out! Jill: Those are opera glasses. Chuck: Oh! No... actually, they're not. Um, this is a key. A key to a very super secret lock box. The Culper Ring used to use stuff like that to pass information during the Revolutionary wr days. Jill: Wow, Chuck, that's impressive. Casey; Yeah, nice going there, brainiac. But before you go getting all full of yourself-- if this is the key, where's the lock? Chuck: The question, my dear Casey is: Where's the opera? Sarah: You're not concerned to involve a civilian in a covert government investigation? Casey: Ah, the girl's personal knowledge of Guy LaFleur makes her of use to us. You sure you're not just jealous Bartowski's found himself a new piece of asset? Now where is that doofus? Jill: Guy loved the opera. Here's his family's box. Chuck: Whoa! Not bad. You really feel like you're on top of the action. Jill: How do you know what you're looking for? Chuck: Oh, well... it'll match the end of this key. You know, something... something... like this. Shall we see what we got? Bingo. Hey, we got it! Mr. Kolfi, we'll be out of your hair in a minute, okay? I don't have a minute. We are trying to rehearse. Chuck: This is a quick, quick, quick minute. You know, government stuff. Watch out. Sarah: Casey, that's a bmb. Casey: All right, rehearsal's over. Everyone out of here! Sarah: Come on, Chuck, let's go! We gotta go! Jill: Wait! This doesn't make any sense. Guy wanted to help people, not hurt them. This isn't a bmb, this is a clue. Sarah: Jill, if it looks like a bmb and it ticks like a bmb, then generally it's a bmb. Jill: No, this is a puzzle we need to solve before the timer runs out. Sarah: And what if you're wrong? Jill: That doesn't happen. Chuck: Look, it's a music thing. What's the opera? Jill: Verdi's La Traviata. Chuck: Well, how does that go? You play violin, right? Mm-hmm. Your dad made you play the flute. Let's not bring that up. Casey: Come on. Come on. Get 'em all out! All of 'em! Go, go! Sarah: It's not happening. Let's go. Chuck, come on! Chuck: Look, look, Jill has yet to be wrong, okay? She says it's not a bmb, I believe her. Sir, we're sealing this place off. Chuck: It's a flash drive. This must be it. That's how we do that, huh? Jill, it was all you. Jill: No, you. It was all you. Chuck: Okay, all right, all right. Casey: I love love. Beckman: The flash drive containing Guy's list is encrypted using a 512-bit AES cipher. Right now, the computer is trying every possible key against the encrypted data. When it finds a match, we'll have the identity of every FULCRUM agent with whom Guy was in contact. Sarah: How long will that take? Beckman: Could be hours, could be days. Excellent work, you two. Please thank the asset for his service. By the way Where is Chuck ? Casey: My guess would be rounding second base. Jill: You were brilliant tonight. Chuck: No, you. Jill: Mm-mm, all you. Chuck: Mm-mm-mm! No, no, no, I can't, I can't, I can't do this. Jill; You don't have to do a thing. It's gonna be all me. Chuck: I... mm, that's very gracious of you, but no, that's not what I'm saying. I mean, I can't do this. I can't, I can't do this. Hey, come here. Come here. Come here. Look... Buy More. Tomorrow. Jill; What time? Chuck: Take the latent heat of aquatic fusion... Jill: Is that in calories per gram? Chuck: Of course. And then subtract the atomic number of thulium. Got it? Jill: Mm-hmm. Chuck: Okay, I'll see you then. Casey: Nerd code. Hm. Chuck: Hey, hey, buddy, listen, I need you to cover for me with Emmett today. Gotta cut out early. Morgan: I see-- big night with the lady, huh? Chuck: Actually, uh, yeah. We're sneaking off for a little romantic getaway. Morgan: Oh, how sweet. So you and Sarah are taking a little trip together, huh? Chuck: Yeah, we're, uh... Morgan: Just save it, Pinocchio. I know you're seeing Jill. Chuck: You what? You... How? How do you-- you know about Jill? Morgan: Apparently, I'm the last one to know, too. Milbarge knows about it. This is Jill. I spent months helping you get over her. Look, Chuck, we're best friends, but if you're not telling me about this, what else aren't you telling me? Chuck: Morgan, I'm so sorry, buddy. I really am. And-And trust me, there is so much that I wish that I could tell you, but I, you know, can't. Morgan: Dude, you've never lied to me before. Chuck: Exactly, so just trust my judgment on this, okay? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I gotta go. Can you cover me? Morgan; Of course, I can cover for you, man, because we're best friends and that's what best friends do-- they lie for each other. But they don't lie to each other, that's all. Got it. Chuck: Trust me. And thank you, thank you. I'm gonna grab some turkey jerky inside. Do you want anything? Jill: Uh, a water and some Gummi Bears. Chuck: Okay, coming right up. Sarah: Have you heard from Chuck? Casey: No. I'll do a GPS search on his watch. Little twerp's gone off grid. Chuck: Hey, no Gummi Bears, so I hope you like sour... Jill; Chuck, help! Chuck: Jill! That's close enough. Fulcrum agent; You have something that belongs to me. Chuck: What? No. This? No, no, no. See, I paid-- I paid for this. But you can have it. Why don't you just let the girl go and then you can tell me what it is exactly that you've lost, then maybe I can help you find it? Fulcrum agent: Bring me LaFleur's list or the girl dies. Opera House. Midnight. Chuck: They took her! Casey: The hell you been? You deliberately went off grid. Chuck; Some guy just took Jill! He said if I didn't bring him Guy's list of FULCRUM agents, he's gonna kll her. Casey: That's not gonna happen. Chuck: Yeah, of course not. I'm gonna bring him the list, and I'm gonna get her back! Casey: No, you're not. They'll kll her either way. Chuck: What? No. That can't happen. Please, Casey, will you please help me? Casey: No. I gotta call Washington and report it. You stay right here. Don't move. You've done enough damage already. General, we have a situation. Stop! Walker, sht him! Chuck, freeze! Sarah: Don't. If you try to take that, I have to stop you. Chuck: Please, let me go! Casey: This is treason, Bartowski. Chuck; Please, just let me go. Cassy: sht him, Walker. sht him in the knee Take him down Chuck: I'm sorry. I have to. It's Jill. Casey: You could've sht him. Sarah: He's the Intersect. Casey: Is that all he is? You could've at least kneecapped him. Sarah: I have a trace on Chuck. He's heading downtown. Casey: You get the car, I'll get the gn. Chuck: Jill! Jill: Chuck. Fulcrum agent: Can we dispense with the pillow talk and just do this? Chuck: Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. Let her go. Fulcrum agent: Not so fast. You've seen mine, now show me yours. Chuck: That's fine, but first I need to know that she's gonna be safe. Fulcrum agent; That's not how this works. You hand over the list, or I sht you both. Casey: That's not how this works either! Go wait in the car, Chuck. Fulcrum agent: Don't move, Chuck. Stay right where you are. I've got a sharpshter trained on you. Casey: Now I have the snper. Fulcrum agent: I-I still have the advantage. Somebody give me the list, or I sht Chuck. Casey: Yeah, go ahead and sht him. You know, I was thinking about shting him myself. Chuck; That's a great-- Why would you-- What, what? ! What are you, crazy? ! How about nobody, how about nobody sht Chuck? ! Casey: I'm not Sarah, Chuck. Give him that list, and I will end your miserable existence. It's your choice. Fulcrum agent; Would you rather I sht the girl? Chuck: Please don't. I would rather you not sht the girl-- just point the gn back at me, please. No! Casey: No, go ahead, sht the girl. Some situations, collateral damage is unavoidable. Chuck: No. It's always avoidable. Look, I have it, okay? Here it is. Right here, here's the list. Casey: Bartowski! Chuck: Look, you got a better plan? 'Cause I'm not okay with collateral damage right now. Here you go. Here's your list of all the FULCRUM agents. Fulcrum agent; Well, Mr. Casey, FULCRUM would rather you not know who we have inside government. Show must go on. Casey: Now, Sarah! Chuck: Okay. Hey, hey. You're okay. You're okay... Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? You okay? Jill: I am now. Morgan: Ah, poker night. And all I had to do was rat out my best friend. Emmett: I saw that, Grimes. Oh, don't worry. What's a card game without a couple of brewskis? Jeff: And by "couple, " do you mean 14? Emmett: Oh, God. Mmm. Mmm! I won't forget the loyalty you showed, Grimes. Tonight, we drink. Tomorrow, Bartowski gets his. Morgan: Whatever, dude. Beer? Emmett: Oh, no. I brought my own. Whoo! Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Tastes like high school! Lester: Donkeys wild. Let's go-- who's gonna put the "poker" in "strip poker. " Let's play it out, boys, let's play it out. Sarah: Are you sure you're okay? Jill: I think so. Is this a normal day at the office for you? Sarah: Yeah, except Casey doesn't usually sing. Casey: Okay, first I'm gonna have you arrested for crimes against your country. Then I'll take you down to Club Gitmo, hang you up by your fingernails with the boys... Chuck: Hey! I appreciate the thrat, I really do. But can I please explain myself? Casey: Explain what? You gave away classified intel to the enemy. Now we're never gonna know the identities of those FULCRUM agents. Chuck; Ye of little faith. Casey, come on, buddy. Do you really think that I would give that guy the list to destroy before I made myself a copy? Casey: Hey. Chuck; Q-36 game copier. Thankfully, Morgan is too cheap and unethical to pay for his own video game entertainment. Canada's greatest gift since Shania Twain. Jill: Thank you for saving my life. Sorry for not trusting you with Chuck. Sarah: You want to pay me back? Don't hurt him again. Jill: I won't. I wouldn't. I care about Chuck. Sarah: Me, too. It's my job to protect him. From anything. Morgan; Hey, Emmett. Emmett: Stop screaming. Morgan: Wow. Little too much fun last night, huh, pal? Emmett: I should never have gone for that second Fuzzy Navel. That wine cooler had four percent alcohol. Morgam: I know. I know. I tell you what, though, let's talk about it, in my office. Yeah, come on. This way. You know, I wanted to talk to you today about a little technique that we developed around here. It worked wonders during the Harry Tang years. Emmett: Can we talk about this some other time, Grimes? Morgan: You see, BuyMoria is a country governed by law. But occasionally, a vigilante hero has to rise and take that law into his own hands to protect the country that he loves. This is from last night. After poker. Emmett: I'm Big Mike! What you doing here, Emmett? ! Morgan: Is that you in Big Mike's office after hours? That's weird, because I thought that was off-limits. Even to you. Emmett: I didn't go six years to community college to assistant manage a bunch of register jockeys! Morgan: Oh, man, you do not look good. Now, I know that we're... countrymen and all. I hate to have to run this up the flagpole. Emmett: You wouldn't. Morgan: Damn right I would. If you don't call off this witch hunt for Chuck Bartowski, this goes public. Do we understand each other? Good. Viva BuyMoria. Emmett: Tastes like high school. Casey: Okay, computer's back up. It's decoding the list. Just a matter of time before we learn the identities of FULCRUM's agents. Chuck: Ooh. Oh! Hey. Hey, yeah, hey. That's fine, I wasn't gonna pack that one anyway. Oh, wait. Hey, no. The hotel's booked, so... we should probably go if we're gonna b*at traffic! Jill: Or we could just get the weekend started right now. Chuck; Uh, what-what about, what about the... Jill: Hm... I have some spy moves of my own. Casey: We're gonna do this again? Sarah: You know what? He had a big day today. How about we give him a little break, huh? Casey: Encryption key's been found. Chuck; Safe at last.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x07 - Chuck Versus the Fat Lady"}	foreverdreaming
TOP SECRET LOCATION, 1994 Casey: I yield, sensei. Ty Bennett: You are unfocused, again. Casey; I yield. Ty Bennett: Too slow. Again! Your center is filled with conflict, John. Until you find your calm center, you will never bat me. Emmett: You can't bat a winning smile, John. Not in retail sales. You need to show your customers those pearly whites. Well, soon-to-be pearly whites. You need to bleach them. Just show them you got a pulse, Casey. Give 'em a "Hey, how ya doin? " Or a "Put 'em there, partner. " Or "You bet!" Walk on back to the back... Casey: You bet. Thanks for the tips, Emmett. Morgan: Yup. John Casey scares me. Chuck: Well, that's what happens when you bottle up your feelings like that. You wake up one day and you're a seething mass of pain. Morgan: Right. Hey, what's going on with you and Jill? Chuck: Ah, yeah. My, my pain. Let's talk about that. Morgan: Where is she? Chuck: Big house. Bought a big house. Bought a real big house up the river. Morgan: Oh, that sounds really pretty. You guys are, uh, "done" done, right? Chuck: Yeah, I mean, I just figured out hanging out with Jill was more about closing a door than opening one. Morgan: I get it. I get it. Listen, the old flame can burn, right? But I bet you, it made you even more sure who the right girl is for you. Ah, speak of the smoking hot angel. I'll get out of here. Chuck: Yeah. Hey, Sarah. Sarah: Chuck, does the Global Launch Agency mean anything to you? Chuck: GLA? Sure, they've sent probes to every planet except Pluto. Although, Pluto's not officially a planet anymore, which really bums me out. Casey: That's true. Space camp is where all the cool kids go. Beckman; GLA also conducts top secret research for the NSA. Most of our surveillance and wapon tracking technology is developed there. We picked up intel that someone might try to penetrate one of the lab's secure facilities. I want you and the Intersect to surveil the facility. See if there's anyone inside who you flash on. Chuck: Another mission already? Beckman: Is there a problem, Mr. Bartowski? Chuck: No, no. No, I was just, you know, I was kind of hoping for some downtime. Sarah: We'll take it from here, ma'am. Casey : Aw, you need a little break, Bartowski? Chuck: Yeah, that'd be nice. I mean, finding out Jill was Fulcrum was a bit of a shock to the system, you know? I guess I wouldn't mind some time to sort out my feelings. Casey: Sure thing, Chuck. I'll just call all the criminals and rogue spies and let them know to hold on a sec, 'cause Chuck Bartowski needs some time to sort out his lady feelings. Sarah: Ease up, Casey. Look, Chuck, we know how hard this has been for you, but maybe a new mission is exactly what you need right now. Chuck: Great, new mission in the surveillance van. Very exciting. Sarah: You're on an open mic, Chuck. Chuck: Am I? That's, that's good to know. Thanks for telling me that. Uh, I have all the entrances and exits covered. It looks pretty quiet. Sarah: You're not seeing anything? Chuck: Nothing. No flashes, nothing. Sarah: I'm all clear here. Casey: All clear. Security's tight. Close the west lab door, Chuck! Chuck: I'm in! I'm in! I'm in, it's just going to take a second. Casey: Do it! Do it! Chuck: Almost got it. Almost got it. Almost there. Casey: Now, Chuck. Close it. Lock it down! Chuck: You know, I don't know one person who responds positively to being yelled at! Casey; He's getting away, Chuck. Chuck: Door closed. Got it. There. See? Casey: You idiot! You said you knew how to work this system. Chuck: Ooh, hang in there. Casey: Come on, Chuck! Chuck: Almost got it. Almost got it. Got it. No problem. Ye of little faith. Casey: Sensei? GO! NSA TACTICAL INSTRUCTOR TY BENNETT Chuck: Oh, no. Sarah: Hey, did you get a good look at him? Casey: Didn't have to. I know him. Sarah: What? Chuck: Guys! Hey! I just flashed on that dude. And it is crazy, it's actually kind of a small world, funny story. Casey: Save it. His name's Ty Bennett. He was my sensei. Taught me everything I know. You okay? Ty Bennett: Hmm. BUY MORE Ty: Feeling better now. Ellie: Chuck! Chuck! You've got to help me! This is an emergency! Chuck! Chuck: What? What? What? Ellie! Ellie! Ellie! Are you okay!? Ellie: No! No! Devon's parents decided to take the red-eye in from Connecticut to surprise us! Chuck: You scared the heck out of me. I thought this was life or death. Ellie: It is! These are two perfect parents that raised three perfect boys in a perfect house, and this place is a pigsty. Chuck: Don't worry. We have time to clean up. If they flew all night, they're going to want to sleep all morning. Ellie: Are you kidding me? The awesome apple doesn't fall far from the awesome tree. Chuck: I'm just going to... I'll be right there. Awesome! There's the man! Chuck: Wow! Welcome! Hi. You guys are very muscular. And... and awake! Ellie: Chuck, this is Devon's mom and dad. Chuck: Drs. Woodcomb, so nice to finally meet you. Honey; Oh, no handshakes in this family. You just call me Honey. Okay, Honey. Woody: I'm Woody. Hey, Woody. Woody: Yeah. My father always said, "A terrible nickname builds character. " Of course, Devon wasn't into nicknames. Honey: I just can't wait to start planning your dream wedding. Ellie: Wow! It looks like you already have. Honey: Oh, and, Chuck, the caterer is bringing over a sample menu tonight for Devon and Ellie to decide what they like. We hope you and your... girlfriend can join us. Ellie: Yes! Of course! Of course! Sarah loves food. Chuck: That she does! So, yeah, we'll be there! Good. Good. Devon: So nice of you guys to help us plan the wedding. Right, Ell? Ellie: Oh, absolutely! Woody: Your mom's already been busy with all these lists of guests, locations, color palettes... She's been so excited ever since Devon asked you to marry him. I can't tell you how happy we are to welcome you into our family. And now, you're stuck with us, too, Chuck. You're very strong, and have fists. Ellie: Thank you, Dr. Woodcomb. Woody: "Woody. " Ellie: Okay. Devon: Dad, let's go do our abs. Ooh, yeah. You guys do abs. I'm... I'm just going to go... kll myself. Beckman: Ty Bennett: Karate master, kung fu expert, master strategist. A former instructor at our training facility. And, today, one of our most wanted rogue agents. Chuck: Dude, your sensei is a badass! Casey: He's not my sensei. He's a traitor. Sarah: Wow. I've heard of Bennett, but I've never met anyone who actually trained with him. Casey: I can't talk about it. It's classified. Beckman: We're opening Bennett's file for this assignment. Any personal knowledge you have could be vital to the success of this mission. Chuck: Come on, Casey. Share with us. Casey: In hell. General, if I may, why wasn't I told that Bennett went rogue? Beckman: Ty Bennett has been recruiting his former students. Casey: He's actually turning agents? Beckman: With the team he's assembled, Bennett has been extremely effective at stealing wapon and reselling them on the global black market. Sarah: What did he steal from GLA? Beckman: An advanced inertial guidance system. Chuck: Well, that's not a wapon. Casey: Well, it sure looks like one when it's put in a mssile, moron. Chuck: You know, when you call me moron, that hurts me on the inside. Casey: Bennett got away because you couldn't open a door. You're lucky your feelings aren't the only thing that got hurt. Chuck: Technically, I only have to sit in the van and flash. Sarah: Hey. Guys. Beckman: Gentlemen, we have intel pinpointing the location where Bennett plans to transfer the GLA technology to his buyer. It's a construction site in Simi Valley. I want you to stop the deal and recover the guidance system. Sarah: We're on it. Casey: You know, I wonder if it's safe for Chuck to go on this mission. Too many unforeseeable variables. In situations like this, he has proven himself a liability. Beckman: I think you're right, Casey. Chuck, you will be sitting this one out. Chuck: What? Wait a minute. You might... you might need me to flash on something. Casey: Oh, this country has gotten by for 200 years without an Intersect. I'm sure we'll be just fine. What? Did I hurt your feelings? Emmett: I've tried to spare your feelings, but the gloves are coming off, people. I've decided to reinstitute a time-honored Buy More tradition. Jeff: Commando Wednesdays. Lester: That tradition never stopped. Emmett: From this day on, this branch will hold- wait for it- an Employee of the Month contest. Oh! Isn't that exciting? Morgan: I can barely contain myself, sir. Emmett: I assume you're all aware of our customer comment cards. Each month, we will tally your score and select a winner. He or she or whomever will not only get an 8 X 10 glossy photo right beside Moses Finkelstein EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH YOUR NAME HERE Emmett: the CEO and founder of Buy More, but there will be a bonus prize! May the best employee win. Morgan: Okay, so how are feeling about this about this whole Employee-of-the-Month thing? Chuck: Um, you know what? Whatever, Morgan. I don't, I don't really care. Morgan: We don't care. Roger that. Chuck: Hey. I thought you guys would already be gone. Admit it. You need me, don't ya? Sarah: I came to make sure you're okay. Chuck: Well, isn't that what all the surveillance cameras are for? Sarah: Listen, I don't agree with Casey that you would be a liability on this mission. He was out of line. Chuck: Don't worry. I get it. He thinks I let my feelings for Jill get in the way of the mission. But he's wrong. I would never do that... again. Sarah: Listen, Chuck, this isn't about you, it's Casey. Casey trained with Bennett for a long time, and when you have a mentor like that, a real trust develops between you, and Casey feels betrayed. I know it's hard, but maybe you could cut him some slack. Chuck: Yeah, I guess I know how that feels. THROUGH THESE HALLS WALK THE SMARTEST EMPLOYEES IN THE WORLD SALES TEAM Morgan: All right, just to be absolutely clear, our position on Employee of the Month is that we don't care, Are you guys with me? Jeff: Yep, not caring. Not a rat's ass. Lester: Not a fat and/or hairy one. Jeff: Wait. Why don't we care again? Morgan: Because Employee of the Month is a scam. And working hard is for suckers. Think about it. You work hard, sales go up. Sales go up, shareholders get rich. Shareholders get rich, and we get what exactly? Lester: He said something about a prize. Morgan: Your face on a wall next to Moses Finkelstein? No, thank you, no. You know what? Keep your stupid stooge prize. Jeff: So we get nothing? Morgan: Emmett's gonna get all the credit. He may even get a promotion. And then guess what? One day, he's gonna be the boss. Lester: So then what? Then Emmett turns the Buy More into a nightmare of pain and suffering? Morgan: There is a solution. Lester: Tell it, tell it. Morgan: We have our own contest, a side bet. We see who can get the lowest score on their comment cards. Lester: We bat Emmett at his own game. Jeff: Pure genius. Lester: From now on, the customers can go service themselves. In the retail sense, Jeffrey. Don't get any ideas. Casey: Bennett will never show. Sarah: Why? Casey: He's too smart for this. You get a read on the plates? Sarah: Look, Casey, just call Chuck. Maybe he'll flash on it and we'll know who we're dealing with. Casey: I think I'll take my chances without him. Oh, all right. Fine. Chuck: Hello? Casey: Hey, we just sent you an image of a van. Take a look at the plates, see if you flash on it. Chuck: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. Absolutely. Whatever I can do to help. You know, I don't have it yet. It's probably a high-resolution photo. And my 3G connection gets interference in here sometimes. Casey: Spare me the Nerd Herd crap. Get on it. If there's intel, we need it now! Chuck: Hey, I thought you said the U. S. government got by just fine for 200 years without the Intersect? Casey: Listen, you insignificant little puke... Chuck: You're on a mission. Maybe surrounded by Bennett's men. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up. Casey: Did you hang up on me? Chuck: No, that's crazy talk. I would never do that. It's a bad connection that I had with the... Hold on. Let me just look at the picture real quick. I got nothing. Sorry, no flash. Casey: Thanks for wasting my time. Chuck: Hello? Sarah: Hey, that's the buyer. We're out of time. Casey: Looks like we do this the old-fashioned way. Okay? Go. Yeah. Get out of the car! Out of the car! Chaffeur: Take the car, man, and I won't call the cops. Casey: Hands on the car! Put 'em on the car! Who the hell are you? Chaffeur: I'm a driver. I'm here to pick up a passenger and give them that. Casey: Bennett. Run! Go! Go! Bennett; Excuse me. Can you tell me where I can find John Casey? I have something that belongs to him. Chuck: John... Casey, you say? John Casey? You know, I'm gonna go to the back and-and-and check on that for you. So let me just... do that... quick. Pick up the phone, John. Pick up the phone, Casey! Casey: This is Casey. Chuck: Code Red! Code Red! Redder than red! It is the reddest! It is the reddest of all hues! We are Defcon One, or Five or whichever means "Hurry, " right now! Bennett is at the Buy More! Oh, no. Bennett: I'm looking for John Casey. Can you tell me where to find him? Morgan: What do I look like, an information desk? Bennett: Excuse me? Morgan: Yes, fine, you're excused. Oh, and don't forget to fill out a customer comment card on your way out. Bennetts Wise man always treats a stranger with respect, for he could be gazing on the face of an enemy. Chuck: Hi. Sorry, sorry. I just checked into it, sir, and John Casey is unfortunately not working today, and I don't know when he's gonna be back in, but you could try back next week. Uh, maybe, maybe Tuesday-ish. Bennett: Thank you. Chuck: You're welcome. Morgan: That guy was awesome! Dude, did you see what he did to this can? He did this with his bare hands. Crush, like that. Could you imagine what he could do to a guy's face? Casey: Not feeling very chatty right now. Chuck: Hold on, Casey, don't hang up. I'm looking right at your sensei. Casey: Bennett's at the Buy More? Sarah: What? How is that possible? Chuck: Was. Was at the Buy More. Now he's in the Large Mart parking garage. I'm tailing him. Casey: No, stop, imbecile! You're no match for him. Don't be an idiot! Chuck: Look, you're only reacting like this because your own feelings were hurt, okay? Please don't lash out at me. Where did he go? Oh, God! Casey: Chuck? Chuck? ! Bennett's got him. He's probably dad by now. Sarah: Shut up and drive! Chuck: I'm a little tall for something like this. Is there another seating option, perhaps? Devon: Ell, are you sure you're okay registering for a wedding here at the Buy More? Ellie: Whatever your parents want. Honey: You think you may not need a vacuum sealer, but suddenly the Chief of Surgery is coming over with her husband for salmon kabobs, and voila, Saturday's party turns into Sunday's picnic. Ellie: Why not? Can't hurt? Honey: Ooh, camcorder. Woody: Ah, first for the honeymoon, then the grandkids. Devon: Dad! Crossing the line. Before you say anything, I know they're coming on strong, but they're just really excited. They know your parents aren't around. Ellie: That's fine. I know that they're just trying to help. And you know, they're, they're awesome. Devon: Hey, Lester, you seen Chuck? Lester: Maybe. Devon: So, is he around? Lester: Don't know. Could be. Devon: Can you find him for me? Lester: Yeah, sure, I could, but, uh, wouldn't that be more fulfilling for you if you did it yourself? Look, I'm so sorry. It's a stupid store contest. I can help you, but do me a solid and do not mention it on this card. Yes? Thank you, buddy. LOCKED Sarah: The signal from the watch is getting stronger. Chuck's close. Casey, what are you doing? Casey: The vic can take the ht. Chuck: Oh, no, not good, not good. Sarah: Wait. I've got Chuck. It says the signal is... the signal is right in front of us. No, Casey, stop, stop! Chuck's in the car! You're gonna kll Chuck! Chuck: Oh, fast. And he's driving very, very fast. Sarah: Casey! Chuck: It's actually more spacious in here than you might think. Casey: Hey! Freeze! Bennett: John, it's good to see you. Casey: Keep your hands on your head. Bennett: You survived my trap. Very good. Casey: Get on your knees. Bennett: I followed your career, John. You survived trture at the hands of Baath separatists. You did two years undercover in Afghanistan. Could you have done any of that without me? Casey: No. Bennett: Of course not. My training saved you. I came here to ask you something. Be my student again. Take your training to the next level. Casey: That's it? That's all you got? That's how you're turning the others? Save your breath. I'm no traitor. Bennett: Obviously, I made a mistake. You aren't good enough for my team. Casey: Hey! Beckman: So Bennett got away. Again. If you don't mind me asking, where was the Intersect during all of this? Chuck: Well, technically I was in Bennett's trunk, so I didn't see anything that happened, but it sounded very exciting. Beckman: Wait. So, Major, while you were playing your game of chicken, Chuck was in Bennett's trunk? Sarah: As soon as we ascertained the Intersect's location, Major Casey disengaged. Beckman: Sounds like Bennett has decided to make this personal, Casey, and so have you. I'm pulling you off the case. Casey: With all due respect... Beckman: This is why I didn't tell you about Bennett. I knew you would turn it into a vendetta. I'm bringing in another team to clean up your mess. Casey: But I know Bennett. I know how he operates. Beckman: You're forgetting your primary objective is protecting the Intersect. You will remain in Castle until the mission is completed. Consider it a cooling-off period. Casey: You little... Chuck: I didn't know this was going to happen. I didn't know... tell him I didn't know this was going to happen! Casey: If my primary objective wasn't to protect you... I kll YOU. I can't believe it. Beckman was out of line pulling me off this mission. Sarah: I agree with her. You're too emotionally involved. Casey: This from the agent that can't keep her chocolate out of Bartowski's peanut butter. Sarah: Whatever my feelings may be for Chuck, I never knowingly endangered the asset. You let your anger toward Bennett cloud your judgment. Casey: You finally admit that you do have feelings for the nerd. Sarah: No, all I will admit to is having feelings. Casey: 20 years in the business has taught me one sure thing- that people... people let you down in the end. Sarah: Well, it's nice to know where we stand. Chuck: Did you talk to Casey? Is he mad? I feel horrible. Sarah: Casey is always mad. That's his baseline. Chuck: I never should have said all that stuff in front of the general. Sarah: No, your assessment was accurate. I mean, the facts are the facts. Chuck: True, but the guy's going through a lot. If I were really a friend, I would look past what he's saying and remember how he's feeling. I mean, I should know better than anybody what he's going through right now. Sarah: Chuck, you're so sweet. But, you know, an apology is not going to work, because Casey is combat ready at all times. Which means his feelings are liabilities. Chuck: Well, aren't you supposed to be combat ready at all times? Sarah: I'll meet you at your sister's wedding tasting after your Buy More shift. And please, don't go downstairs. Leave Casey alone. Emmett: If it isn't Tweedledee, Tweedledum and... Tweedledumber. Oh, congratulations goes out to you. Morgan: What do we win, a prize or something? Enmett: Well, of all the incompetent employees in this backwater branch, you three have distinguished yourselves- with the lowest customer evaluation scores in recorded history. Morgan: Really? What... how low exactly? Lester: Are we talking like truly abysmal, or... ? Emmett: Combined your highest score was a one. Lester: Dare to dream, baby. Emmett; All right. Well, since none of you seem to be taking this Employee of the Month contest very seriously, I must abandon the carrot, and use my stick. Jeff: You sure that's legal? Emmett; From now on, the employee with the lowest scores will close up every Saturday night for an entire month. Morgan: All right, stop. You can't do this to us, okay? Emmett: I'm sorry, I can't? Morgan: Saturday's are sacred. Lester:,I can't work on Shabbat. Jeff: Yeah. It's date night. Laundry night? It's two-for-one night. Emmett: You're wasting time. You have one night to raise your scores. You better get crackin'. Lester: This is my employee discount card. It's good for 20% off anything in the store. Go nuts. Just put in a good word for me on your way out. Morgan: No, mind? Why would I mind? Just let me get this puppy loaded up for you and then I'll come right back for sub... Jeff: Four stars? ! I just kissed your ass for four lousy stars? ! What do you people want from me! Just spit in my face next time! Morgan: Hey, Jeff. How's it going, man? You all right? Jeff: I think I'm getting the hang of this customer service stuff. ENTER Casey: Yeah... ACCESS DENIED Chuck: Casey, hey. Hey, how you doing? Casey: Get down here. Chuck: Um, look, I'm glad you called, because I was actually going to call you to say sorry... Casey: - I don't care if it's your time of the month, Bartowski. Get down here please. Chuck; I don't... I don't think I can. Sarah said not to. Casey: Listen, buddy... I started training under Ty Bennett when I was 23 years old. I was an idiot back then. I wasn't good enough to qualify for his program, but he took me on anyway. You know, so, he taught me everything I know- self-discipline, duty. I don't know what to think here, pal. I'm feeling kind of exposed. I feel like my whole foundation has been undermined here. He was like, a... I can't talk about this over the phone. Chuck: No, no, I'm glad you're finally opening up to me. Be right there. Casey: Thanks, buddy. Chuck: Hey... Hey, buddy, I'm sorry, I got here as fast as I could. Casey: And I wanted to tell you seriously what I was saying on the phone earlier- I am sorry, man. I know, your sensei from the past... it's very personal... Casey: Yeah. Chuck: Hey! Hey! Let go. What are you doing? Oh, oh, gentle. Casey: Now, Intersect, flash. This is the surveillance footage from the crash. Chuck: Casey, it doesn't work like that, okay? I can't just flash on cue... Okay, okay, 1919 Mulholland Drive. It's a martial arts dojo, but also a cover for Bennett's illegal activity. Casey: Good work, Intersect. Chuck: You know, I think you should reconsider this whole cooling-off period. I think General Beckman was onto something when she said you should stay down here... Casey: Come on, I need that eyeball. Chuck: Casey, what has gotten into you? ! What is going on? This is totally uncharacteristic... I've never seen you disobey an order. What are you, nuts, crazy, out of your mind? Okay, that's it- I'm calling Sarah. Casey: You know what, Chuck? I think I might owe you an apology now. Chuck: That's very nice of you. Huh? What's it for? The lying, the name-calling, the emotional manipulation? Casey: Nope. For this. Chuck: Wait, no, no. No, Casey, no, no, no, wait, wait wait. You don't understand. I have dinner with Ellie tonight and we're tasting food for her wedding. I can't miss it. Casey:,You know, when I was Bennett's student, I struggled with my calm. He said I held too much anger and that made me weak. Sometimes when I see your face, Bartowski, my calm center just wants to... You tell anyone where I'm going, and this is yours. Chuck: What? Hey! Use the Force. Use the Force, Chuck. Honey: So, you're sure it's all right to start without Chuck? Ellie: Yeah, he has a tendency to run late. Devon: Yeah, it's like the kid's in his own world half the time. Woody: Must drive you crazy, Sarah. Sarah: Oh, I'm pretty used to it, actually. And Chuck always has a good excuse. Honey: So we are all in agreement then? Yes to the trout, no to the beef au jus. And what was your favorite cake, Ellie? Ellie: Um... Honey: Oh, it doesn't matter. Let's agree on the red velvet. Woody: Big fan. And I love sorbet between courses. Honey: Great idea, Woody. Woody: So, are you going to wear your hair up? Wait a second... I just had a brilliant idea. White ties. Honey: Woody looks so handsome in a white tie. That's not too formal is it? Ellie: I don't know. Woody: And I know you're not in contact with your dad, so I would be honored, really, to walk you down the aisle on your wedding day. Devon: You know, guys, maybe we should just table the wedding talk. Ellie: Um, no. I have something I'd like to say, actually. Um, I said yes to the big wedding and I said yes to the gn organza bridesmaid dresses, and I just can't say yes anymore. And I'm sorry, I know that you're trying to help, but the answer is no. I'm sorry... I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Devon: Babe... Sorry. Sweetie... sweetheart... Sweetheart? Woody: Well, Sarah... so you're in the yogurt game? Sarah: Yeah. Yeah, yogurt. Chuck: Come on, baby. Come on, baby. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Honey: Woody... Woody: Huh? Honey: I think we should go for a walk and give the kids some time to themselves. Oh, it's Ellie's phone. Oh, it's Chuck. Should I answer it? Sarah: Oh, I'll take it. Thank you. Hey, Chuck, where are you? Chuck: Sarah, Sarah, thank God. Listen, um... Casey thrat my life, so technically I can't tell you... Sarah: What? Chuck: Well, you could guess though. Yeah, you could guess. Sarah: Chuck, I don't have time for games. Chuck: Just guess! I'll tell you if you're hot or cold. And FYI, this place is very cold. It's... it's practically frozen. Sarah: You're at Orange Orange. Chuck: Bingo! Yes, you're amazing! Sarah: Let me guess- you went down into the Castle and Casey used you to get out and then he locked you in the Orange Orange and now he's going after Bennett. Chuck: Wow. That's very impressive. How did you... ? Sarah: Okay. Where did he go? Chuck: You didn't hear this from me. 1919 Mulholland Drive. Sarah: Can you get out? Chuck: No. No. Not until you get down here and get the key to get me out of these handcuffs. Sarah: Good. Then stay there. Chuck: What? No, no, no! Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait, Sarah! No, no! Wait! Those seven years of MacGyver finally paid off. Sarah: You shouldn't be here. Casey: You want to stop me, you're going to have to kll me. Sarah: Well, I'm your partner, and I'm not letting you go in alone. Casey: Okay. Come on. Chuck: Um... computer emergency? Sarah: Let’s do it Chuck: I was waiting in the car. I swear. Bennett: Hello, John. And friends. This is unfortunate. Casey: No matter where you run, where you hide, I'm going to be there, waiting. Sarah: Please be careful. Bennett: Always so proud, so righteous, John. But I have business to attend to. I can't have you interfering. Casey: I thought you were a man of honor. If I'm not good enough to make your team, surely you could defeat me without the gn. With honor. Bennett: You're right. My students, this is a special lesson: How to kll a man with honor. It will happen very quickly. Chuck: Eye of the tiger, buddy. Casey: Shut up, Chuck. Chuck: Sorry. We're in trouble, aren't we? Use the snake on him. Get around him. Come on! Come on! Casey, ht him! Sarah: He's outmatched. Bennett: You lost your calm, John. Your center is filled with conflict. Chuck: That's it. Casey... Casey! Casey, you gotta get up. You gotta get up. Casey: Run for it, Chuck. Go. Bennett: It's too bad, really. I was hoping my men would see better skills from a former student of mine. Chuck: Look. Look, I get how you're feeling, man. I totally get how you're feeling. You're feeling betrayed by someone that you really care about. Casey: You're damaging my calm, Chuck. Chuck: You've spent so much of your life- pushing people away. Lashing out with purple words and... and punches. But I know why you do it. You do it because you're scared. Casey: What? Chuck: Scared. Scared to be known. Scared that, if we see who you really are, we'd actually care about you. Casey: You shut up! Sarah: Yeah. Shut up, Chuck. You're making him mad. Chuck: Underneath that extremely terrifying exterior lies a man who deeply, deeply feels. You care. You care about us. You care about me. Admit it. You feel all warm and mushy about me. Go ahead. Say it. You love me, John Casey. Casey: I'm going to kll you! Chuck: Wait, wait, wait! Hold on. No. Not me. Him. Sarah: Nice work, sensei. Chuck: Yeah. Well, the thing is, Casey doesn't really have a calm center. It's more of an angry center. Casey: There he is. There's your sensei. Take a good look at him. Who's next? FBI: Hands on your heads! Casey: You called Beckman. Chuck: What? It's not my fault. She guessed. Emmett: And now it's time to announce this month's Employee of the Month. And, for what it's worth, you all tried your... best. The employee with the highest level of customer service is... Skip Johnson! Skip: It's not my fault. I tried to be a jerk. Emmett: Oh, congratulations! Clearly, there is no prize that I could give you that would compare to the satisfaction of having your name and photo immortalized on a Buy More plaque. Morgan: What did I tell ya? So lame. Emmett: However, please accept this one-time only bonus gift. A 65-inch flat screen TV. Jeff: You said the prize would be a dud Chuck: Well, thanks for saving my life today, Chuck. Anytime, Casey. Yeah. You know what? You're my friend. Yeah. You know what? You're my friend, too. Well, that's really kind of you, Casey. Have a good night. Casey: Thank you. Chuck: You said something, didn't you? You said something. You said something! I heard that. I heard that. Hey. Sorry I missed tonight. I got stuck at work. Ellie: It's okay. Sarah told me. Chuck: Uh... Where are Awesome's parents? Ellie: He's, um... he's taking them to the airport. Chuck: I really am sorry about missing the dinner, Ell. I mean, I know it's important for you to let your future in-laws meet your family and... Ellie: You know, I, um... I've never been one of those girls that dreamed about what their wedding day would be like. What I would wear. Even the person that I would marry. It was all kind of, uh... kind of hazy. Except... except one thing was clear- That Dad would walk me down the aisle. Chuck: Hey, Ellie. Ellie: I know it's not going to happen. It's just... it's just really hard to let go of that. ALWAYS THINKING OF YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD. The number you have reached is not in service. Ellie: What is it? Chuck: Dad's going to walk you down the aisle. Ellie: You can't say that, Chuck. I know that you want that for me, but we haven't heard from him in a really long time. Chuck: Yeah. Well, I'm going to find him. I'm a smart guy. I can do that. And, when he hears about the wedding, he'll be here for you. Ellie: Come on. You really think he's going to make it? Chuck; I guarantee it.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x09 - Chuck Versus the Sensei"}	foreverdreaming
BUTTE, MONTANA 1990 Guard: She's hurt! Someone call 911! Jack Burton: Stand back. I'm a doctor. All right, sweetie. Okay. She may have broken some ribs. Anybody know her parents? All right, I'm gonna take her to the hospital. Help me get her up. Young sarah: Ow! Jack: Easy. Easy. That's it. It's okay, sweetie. Thank you, sir. Good luck. Young Sarah: That really hurt. I think I sprained my wrist. Jack: Well, it's just a flesh wound, darling. I can take you to the hospital, or I can get you some Rocky Road? Choice is yours. Young Sarah: Rocky Road. So, how much we get? Jack: Want to count it? Sarah: Five and ten makes 20. Thank you. Have a nice day. Chuck: Hey. Long day? Sarah: Boring day. Chuck: Well, not sure if it's the excitement that you're looking for, but, uh, you want to come over tonight for a fake date with Awesome and Ellie? I promise fake cuddling, but real pizza. Sarah: I'm sorry, Chuck. I- I have plans. Chuck: Oh. Is there a mission tonight? I- I don't remember getting the memo. Sarah: Uh, no. No mission. Just plans. Chuck: Of course. Plans. Like any other single 28-year-old spy with an evening to herself would have. Sarah: I'm sorry, Chuck, but it's personal. AUTO AUDIO INSTALL JUST ASK A NERD. Chuck: Hey So, uh, ready for the big mission tonight? Casey: What mission? Chuck: You don't have to play games, okay? I know. You and Sarah- super secret mission. Casey: There's no mission, moron. She's taking a personal day. Chuck: I didn't realise we got personal days. Casey: Well, you don't. We do. Chuck: Any idea what she's up to? Casey: Yep. Chuck: Well? Casey: It's personal. Anna: What do you think you're doing? Morgan: Giving us a little privacy so we can hook up. Come here. Come on. Anna: Morgan! No! I'm sick of hooking up only at work. Morgan; Ah, I'd love to go some place else, but where? My mother's always home, you have three roommates. I mean, I'm open to suggestions. Anna: Really? Good! Here. The Buena Burbank Apartments. They have really cute one bedrooms. Morgan: : See, I can't afford this. Anna; : We could together. We're ready to take the next step. Morgan: Wow. We... That's, um... That's a very big step, you know, and I think that it's not something that you should rush into. I think that it's something you should discuss. I mean, look at this place, all right? 72-inch plasma, super comfy couches, all the free coffee we can drink. I mean, come on, baby. We are living the dream. Anna: Whose dream, Morgan? Morgan: Everyone's. Hey, Chuck, you ever wonder if you're not man enough to hang onto your woman? Chuck; I need a Nerd Herder. Lester: Uh-uh. No. Emmett found Jeff's underwear in the back seat, and he's having them all reupholstered as a safety precaution. Chuck: Okay, Morgan, I need to borrow your bike. Morgan: Sure. Yeah, sure. Why? Chuck: It's personal. Plans, huh? How old is this guy? Oh. FORGERY FRAUD LARCENY CHUCK Let's eat. Sarah: Uh, excuse me just a moment. Chuck: Yes, I-I'd like the linguini with the clam sauce, please. How did you find me? Sarah: The GPS on your watch. What are you doing here? Chuck: Look, I'm-I'm sorry. I came for backup only. Sarah: I told you, it was personal. Chuck: I know. I know, but I flashed. Look, I'm all... I'm all for a little time off, and God knows, you deserve it, but I think that you should know that the much, much, much older gentleman that you're having dinner with right now is a very bad man, Sarah. Sarah: Chuck... Chuck; Let me finish. The guy is a total loser, all right? Absolute bottom-feeding, scum of the earth, have I mentioned, considerably older man? Jack; All true, but I'm a hell of a dancer. Sarah: Chuck, I'd like you to meet my dad, Jack Burton. Dad, this is my boyfriend, Chuck. Chuck: A real pleasure, sir. Jack: French toast, whipped cream, fresh strawberries. Just how you like them. Sarah: When I was 12. Jack: Well, you need to eat something. Big day at work. What is it you're doing again? Making milkshakes? Sarah; Frozen yogurt. Jack: Oh. Sounds stimulating. Sarah: Pays the bills. Jack: Well, yeah, I can see that. Very believable. Sarah: And what is that supposed to mean? Jack; This place. Your job. Your name. Sarah Walker? That schnook from last night. Chippy? Sarah: Chuck. Jack: You're working an angle. I mean, he's probably the son of some, uh, rich Beverly Hills family? Sarah: Look, Chuck is my boyfriend, and he makes $12 an hour, so you stay away from him. Jack: Hey, you don't want to cut me in, fine. I don't need his money. I got my own. Sarah; Oh, my God. That looks like almost a million dollars. Jack: Well, Christmas came a little early. For you. Sarah: No, thanks. I'm not interested in your stolen money. Jack: Stolen? That's what you think of your old man, some two-bit thief? Darling, a thief has to run out of town as fast as he can, but a good con man... Sarah: A good con man can leave whenever he wants. I remember, Dad. So, who donated the money anyway? Jack: A couple months ago, I flew over to Dubai. You wouldn't believe the kind of money they got floating over there. Oh! This particular donation is compliments of Sheik Rajiv Amad. Sarah: Amad? The Saudi oil family? Jack: My daughter knows her Arabs. Sarah; I got to go to work. Jack: Um... forgetting something? Have fun at the office. Sarah: General, In the spirit of full disclosure, my father has conned Sheik Rajiv Amad out of nearly a million dollars. Casey: ht the big time. Sarah: Give the order, and I'll bring him in. Chuck: What? ! You're gonna arrest your own father? Isn't that kind of a conflict of interest? Casey: If Agent Walker's uncomfortable, I'd be happy to make the arrest. Beckman: No one is getting arrested. Yet. Amad's been on the CIA's terror watch list for years. He's suspected of funding trror1st regimes in Afghanistan and Kenya. We have no recent photos, and he goes by a number of different aliases. Any information your father could provide about the sheik's financial holdings would be valuable intel. Sarah: General, my father is unaware of my CIA career. In fact, I'm not sure he would be all that proud. Beckman: No one is asking you to compromise your cover, Agent Walker. Just talk to your father. Take the Intersect with you. Sarah: General, my father... Beckman: Your father conned a very connected, very dangerous man. You better find out how deep he's in before the sheik does. Devon: Captain Morgan. Morgan: Hey, buddy. Uh, have you seen Chuck? Devon: Left for work. What's up? Morgan: What's up? Basically, my life is over, that's what up. You ready for this? Anna asked me to get an apartment together. Devon: Whoa! Big step, little man. All right. Morgan: I don't know about all right. I- I... You know what, man? I just don't think I'm ready for that. Things are good with us. You know, why-why rock the boat? Devon: Permission to speak freely? Morgan: There are no secrets between us. Devon: Would you agree that you have no credit, no life plan, no apartment, no car, no adult responsibilities of any kind? Morgan: On rare occasion, I do my own laundry. Devon: Time to grow up, Morgan. Morgan: I know. Here's the thing. This apartment- it's a lot of dough. It'll clear me out. Devon: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're a little short on cash, you know, we'll lend it to you. Don't worry about it. Morgan: Wait a minute. You'd do that for me? Really? Devon: Yeah. Morgan: That's-That's super cool, man. Why? Devon: Because I believe in you. Consider it an investment in your future. Morgan: Whoa. Are you... Are you sure about that? Devon: Yes, I'm sure. Besides, you'll pay me back. 12% interest every week, or it goes up two points. Morgan: Absolutely. What does that mean? Devon: $2, 500 should cover it. There you go, Morgan. Welcome to adulthood. We've been waiting for you. Chuck: Sarah was just bluffing with Beckman, right? I mean, she'd never arrest her own father. Casey: Why not? Guy's a criminal. Been in and out of jail her whole life. Chuck; But he... but he seems to care, though. You know, I mean, at least he's attempting to have a relationship. CI don't even know where my own father is. Casey; Oh, that's sad. You've confused me with someone that cares about your life before the Intersect. Chuck: Good session, buddy. Really feel like we had a breakthrough there. Morgan; So long, Chuck. We had a good run, didn't we? Chuck; Stuff of legend. Where you headed? Morgan: Adulthood. Anna and I are moving in together. Chuck; Really? That's fantastic! Congratulations, buddy. Morgan: Yeah. Yeah, I guess. Enjoy your youth, Charles. Enjoy every damn minute of it. Lester: Dude, have you seen her? ! Morgan; Who? Jeff: Just the hottest piece ever to come into this store! Lester: Not even human. Smoking hot. Morgan: Where? Lester: Follow your boys. 1981 DeLorean DMC. Jeff: Only 9, 000 made. Morgan: The exact car from Back to the Future. DeLorean owner: Actually, the Back to the Future car had a Porsche engine. When's it going to be done? Lester: Few weeks. Months, at least. Owner; Well, hopefully the iPod adapter will help me sell it. Morgan: Are you serious? How could you have any trouble selling this treasure? Owner: The passenger door doesn't work, the gas mileage is horrible, and if it actually goes over 22 miles per hour, it stalls. Morgan: REALLY? I'll take it. Deal. Lester: Yes! Good boy. Sarah: He's not a schnook! He's a wonderful caring, intelligent guy. Jack: Who's a class A schnook. Look, you don't want to cut me in, no problem. But don't play me for a fool. The guy has 2, 200 bucks to his name. Sarah: How do you know? Jack: I lifted his ATM card last night. I wanted to check him out 'cause I was worried about you. Sarah: And now that you know he's broke? Jack: Now, I'm really worried. I'm going to get a cab. Charlie, there you are. Chuck: Hi. Good to see you again, Mr. Burton. Jack: Oh, please, please, Jack. Nice tie. Looking sharp, young man. Chuck: Well, I think he's warming up to me. Sarah: This accidentally fell into my father's pocket. Chuck: It's okay. He's just being protective of you. And after the way I behaved last night, I can't say that I blame him. Sarah: Chuck, you're attributing good intentions to him because you're a good person. Chuck: Well, he must have done something right. You turned out pretty good. Sarah: Let's go. Jack: The trick was it had to be an actual accident. Angel here was the best. She could make a real doc believe that she had a broken arm. Sarah: Uh, that's because I did. Jack: One time- that's only because the armored truck ht a patch of ice. Chuck: Unforeseeable act of God, honey. At least your childhood was filled with excitement. Jack: No kid had as much fun as you did. Chuck: Um, so this latest, uh, score? Sarah said you were just in Dubai? Jack: Sure it's okay? Sarah: Oh, he's fine. Trust me. Jack: Always, darling. Never forget that. Chuck: Something about, uh, a rich sheik? Jack: I'm not a boastful man, Charlie, but this was my Mona Lisa. These oil guys were just dying to buy anything American. Sarah: Oh, no. You didn't. Oh, yeah. Of course I did. Chuck: I think I'm missing a step here. Sarah; He pulled a Lichtenstein. Chuck: A Lichten what? Sarah: Lichtenstein is a crazy invention of my father's. A German billionaire who has fallen on hard times, and needs to sell something fast. So, like, a piece of art, or jewelry? Jack: Bigger. Chuck; A boat? A plane? Jack: Closer, Charlie. But I brought you to my hotel for a reason. I sold them that. Chuck: You... What? ! You sold them Nagamichi Plaza? That's incredible. Sarah: That's dangerous. They're going to find you. Jack: Oh, relax. The 700 grand is a finder's fee for putting them in touch with Lichtenstein. By the time they know it's gone, I'll be on an island. Remember, Charlie, the bigger the lie, the easier... Chuck: The easier it is to believe. Jack: Very good. Chuck: You think your dad bought us as a couple? He's a pretty sharp guy. Sarah: He has his moments. Jack: Maybe we should amp up the PDA. Try and sell it a little better. Sarah: Very funny. Just make sure you have your wallet. Chuck: Oh! I just flashed. That's him. That's Sheik Rajiv Amad. Sarah: Stay here. Chuck: What do you think he wants? Sarah; What do you think? Lichtenstein. Too bad he doesn't exist. Jack: This, uh, this has all been a terrible misunderstanding. Why don't we meet in the morning in Mr. Lichtenstein's office and we can settle this whole mess. Amad: You must think I'm a fool, Mr. Burton. I want my money. Jack: Well, you want your money back, that's fine, but I have to warn you then the deal is off. In fact, uh, this is Mr. Lichtenstein's personal secretary right here. Ms. Applebaum? May I present Sheik Rajiv Amad. Sarah; It's a pleasure to meet you. Mr. Lichtenstein has been expecting you. How's tomorrow at 2:00? Amad: I have a better idea. Why don't we go get him right now? I thought so. There's no Lichtenstein. Mr. Lichtenstein? ! Is there a Mr. Lichtenstein here? Chuck; Ja. Uh, Mr. Lichtenstein, you have a message. Jack: Uh, Sheik Rajiv Amad, may I present Hans Lichtenstein. Sarah: Unfortunately, Mr. Lichtenstein only speaks German. But he'll be happy to meet you tomorrow at his office. 2:00? Amad: Okay. But if I don't get my building, he's a dad man. Translate that. Okay. Jack: I knew you two were on the grift. You can’t put one past your old man ♪♪♪ Ellie: Hey, honey, why is there $2, 500 missing from our account? Devon: I forgot to tell you, I lent it to Morgan. Ellie: I can only assume that you met some other Morgan at work, because the thought of you giving away a hunk of our nest egg is just too horrific to consider. Devon: I didn't give it away. I lent it to him so he can get an apartment with Anna. Ellie: Uh, Chuck, how much does Morgan make at the Buy More? Chuck: Uh, about 12 bucks an hour. Not including his always appreciating comic book collection which I would value in the $500 area. Ellie: Devon... Devon: It was an investment in his future. You know, so he could become an adult. Chuck: That would probably be Morgan. He's giving me a ride to work. Ellie: On what, his handlebars? Chuck: No, uh, uh, Morgan, Morgan bought a barely functioning '81 DeLorean that... only goes 22 miles an hour, so I better get going. See ya. Devon: You don't have to say it, babe. I'll get our money back. Sarah: General, I'd like to apologize for last night. Chuck never should have gotten caught up in my father's ridiculous con. Casey: I recommend we place the Intersect in protective lockdown till we're sure the sheik is out of the country. Beckman: And waste the perfect setup? Sarah: I'm not sure I follow. Beckman: The CIA has been trying to locate the hidden bank accounts of the Amad family for years. If you can convince him to wire you the funds, we can access those accounts and freeze them. Sarah: Uh, funds for what? Beckman: The building. It will need to be at least $10 million to access his international accounts. Casey: General, is the agency asking us to commit fraud? Beckman: No, that would mean the CIA has some knowledge of your mission. Sarah: How are we supposed to sell a 60-story building in one day? Beckman: Ask your father. He seems to be very proficient in his chosen profession. Lester: Wait, this is the sound coming from here. Oh, that's... Yeah, you thought that the... No. Devon: Do you know where Morgan is? Lester: Who's to say? If he was able to get a hold of some high-grade plutonium, he could be anywhere. Jeff: Any place. Any time. Lester: The Old West perhaps? Jeff: If I could travel in time, I'd go to Lester's birth. I'd love to see the look on your face when you emerged from the vaginal canal. Lester: Morgan went to the DMV to get plates for the DeLorean. Devon: I lent him that money to get an apartment, not blow it on some stupid car. Anna: What? ! That money was for our apartment? ! Devon: I'm gonna kll him. Get in line, Anna. Morgan: All right, here's the thing. I beg both of you to reserve judgment until you've seen the plate. 'Cause you are gonna be. . Oh. Yeah. I nailed it, right? Devon: You have exactly one day to get my money back to me or I pluck you from head to toe. Start with the groin. Anna: He won't be using that region for a while. Morgan: But, honey... I got it for us. Sarah: There is no reason to walk away now. You know, I think we could get the sheik to pay a three percent deposit. Market value is over $300 million... Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a lot of dough. Remember darling, pigs get fat, hogs get slaughtered. Sarah: Well, the bigger the lie, the easier it is to believe. We can do this. Jack: I guess, uh, 5 mill each ain't too bad. Sarah; Two point five. You want my help, you have to use my team. Jack: What team? Casey: Mmm. Jack: He's got a cop face. No offense. Sarah: Look, either he's in, or none of us are. Jack: Fine. But he's your problem. All right, Sarah and I will handle the deal. Cop Face, you're security. Chuck: We can switch names if you'd like. I can be Cop Face and you can be Schnook. Casey: We'll use our account number for the wire transfer. Don't trust you. No offense. Chuck: Uh, question- what about me? I mean, I'm familiar with Hogan's Heroes and Castle Wolfenstein, but beyond that my German is a little rusty. Jack: Schnook, your job is going to be toughest of all. You need to sit there and not say a word. All right, everybody gather around. First, we need to evacuate the current building management. NAGAMICHI BUILDING 51ST FLOOR Chuck: Can I have your attention please? We need everyone out of this office immediately. Sarah: This floor is being fumigated. We have already released toxic fumes. Chuck: That can lead to infertility and low sperm count. All right, you heard them. Everyone out. Let's go, people. Quickly. Quickly. Jack: Next, we need to redecorate Lichtenstein Enterprises. Cop Face, you're going to use the gifts God gave you- LOBBY your cop face. Casey: They're here. Showtime. Jack: Most importantly, we need to convince him that we don't want to sell the building. He's the one getting the deal, not us. Sarah: I'm sorry, Mr. Lichtenstein will be in Prague on Friday. No, Monday he's in Moscow. Jack: Wendy, I don't want to be interrupted. I don't care if Mr. Trump calls. Tell him the building is no longer for sale. I'll see him next week in New York. Gentlemen, welcome. Sarah: We'll have to call you back next week. Bye-bye. Mr. Lichtenstein will see you now. Gentlemen, may I present to you Mr. Hans Lichtenstein. Jack; Well, I'm sure you're very busy, so we'll make this as painless as possible- after your lawyers examine the contracts and the inspections are done, we can have a more formal meeting. Sarah: For now, we only require a three percent deposit to take the property off the market. Jack: And that would be... $10 million. Amad: First, I would like to have a word with Mr. Lichtenstein. Sarah: Of course. I'll translate. Herr Amad m. chte ein Wort mit Ihnen. Mr. Amad would like a word with you. Amad: I'm sorry. I don't trust you. I brought my own translator. Hallo, Herr Lichtenstein. hello, Mr. Lichtenstein. Irgendetwas, das Sie sagen m. gen, anything you wish to say... sagen Sie durch mich. ... you say through me. Chuck: That is the worst German accent I have ever heard. You... you butcher my language. The deal is off. Casey: Sounds like Colonel Klink. Manager: So, as far as you know, no one ordered an exterminator today? I'm on my way now to find out what the hell is going on. Casey: We got company. Time to wrap it up. Sarah: I'm sorry, Mr. Amad. It looks like the deal is off, but if I could have your account number, I'd be happy to wire you the $700, 000 that you gave to Mr. Burton. Jack: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Now, there's no reason to panic. Everyone, calm down. We can work this out. Chuck: Nein, nein! Out of my building. The deal is off. Sarah: Mr. Lichtenstein has been offended. Everyone out of the building. Jack: There's no reason to panic. Uh, we're all businessmen here. Let's just sit down and finish... Amad: Enough! You're all crazy. No more games. This is my building. We had a deal. Jack: Uh, well, Sheik, would you care to, uh, type in your account number for security purposes? Chuck: Uh, just go ahead and do the typey type. Jack: Feel free to look over the space. We'll, uh, give you a moment. Amad: Never do business with Germans. Manager: Who the hell are you? And how did you get up here? Why does that wall say Lichtenstein? Jack: To Lichtenstein. Well, you pulled it off, kid. You made me a believer. Chuck: Well, my German is a little rusty, but... Jack: No, no, that you two are a couple. For later, Cop Face. Casey: Oh, victory smoke. Thanks. Jack; You did good, baby. Sarah: So did you. Jack: I'm gonna get some ice. Chuck: Well, I'm not one to say I told you so, but I think that worked out pretty good, now, didn't it? Sarah: I guess he pulled through for me... this one time. Casey: Uh-huh. Yes, General? Mission accomplished. The money was transferred to the CIA account about an hour ago. Beckman never got the money. Chuck: The laptop is gone. Casey: So is my cigar. Chuck: Hey. They were all out of fruit, so I was forced to bring up a couple chocolate croissants. Sarah: Oh, I guess I have no choice but to take those off you. Come in. Chuck: You okay? Sarah: I'm fine. My dad will turn up somewhere, but, uh, I guess the real crime is that we didn't get to freeze the sheik's accounts. Chuck: Well, I'm sorry if I pushed you into trusting your father. Sarah: If there's one thing I learned from my father, it's be ready for disappointment. And if it's anyone's fault, it's mine. Chuck: No, it's not. 11 years ago, my father left Ellie and me. He's a... he was an unusual man. I guess that's generous. An engineer. We used to get Christmas cards and birthday calls, and then one year it just... it just stopped. I don't know why. What I do know is that it wasn't my fault. Granted, it took a significant amount of time and... an incredible amount of therapy to come to that realization, but... you need to know that your father's sins are his and not yours. Sarah: That's pretty eloquent for 9:00 a. m. Chuck; What can I say? I am an articulate schnook. Sarah: Lucky for me. Beckman: You're alone? Casey; Yes, General. Beckman; We've tracked down Jack Burton. He checked into a downtown motel under the alias, Guido Merkins. Casey: Well, I understand the sensitivity of the situation. I'll go alone. Beckman: Agent Casey? Casey: Yeah? Beckman: Tell Agent Walker I'm sorry. Casey: Roger that. Morgan: Where am I going to find $2, 500? Charles. Hey, my man. Looking well as usual. Oh, my, and that... that scent. It's like the beach after the rains. What do you call it? Chuck: Deodorant. What do you want? Morgan: I, uh... I need to borrow some money or your future brother-in-I's gonna... pluck me from head to toe. Chuck: How much we talking? Morgan: Um, not too much. $2, 500? Give or take. Jack; You did good, babe. No kid had as much fun as you did. UNKNOWN CALLER Sarah: What? Jack: Baby, I'm sorry, but I got a perfect excuse for what happened. Sarah: Well, I'd love to hear all about it. Jack: Some other time. Just remember, I did it all for you. Amad: So touching. Oh, so touching- family reunion. Now, where the hell is my money? Sarah: I don't have it. Amad: Well, then, we have a real problem. Jack: Don't give it to him, honey. Sarah: If anything happens to my father... Amad: What, you will con me out of more money? Sarah: No... I'll kll you. Amad: Then, bring me what is mine, and we won't have a problem. Okay? I'll call you in an hour. TRANSMISSION LOST Morgan; Thank you so much for this. Chuck: Oh, yeah. Do you mind? Morgan: Oh, I can't know your PIN? I'll give you mine if it makes you feel better. Chuck: There are some boundaries, Morgan. Morgan: Okay. All right, all right, I'm sorry. Chuck: Oh, my God. Morgan: "Oh, my God, " what? Oh, you're broke, right? It's okay. Don't feel bad, dude. You know what? There are places I could use some grooming, SO, FORGET ABOUT IT. ALANCE INQUIRY CHECKING ACCOUNT ACCOUNT BALANCE Chuck: Hey, hey, Sarah. Look, I hope this isn't a mistake and the CIA has decided to compensate me for my numerous acts of heroism... Sarah: Later, Chuck. Chuck: but there happens to be an extra- oh, I don't know- $10 million in my ATM account. Sarah: What? Why would my father put the sheik's money in your account? Chuck: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Again, we're not so sure that this is coming from your father. I'm still clinging to the compensation theory. Sarah: Leave it there. Chuck: You know, that's not a bad idea. It should earn a couple thousand a day in interest. What are you doing? Where are you going? Sarah: It's personal. Casey: Hey, hey. You seen Walker? Chuck: Yeah, she just left in a real big hurry with two duffel bags stuffed full of T-shirts and some serious firepower. Where are you going? Casey: It's personal. Chuck: Morgan. Morgan. Yeah, buddy. Morgan, I'm gonna loan you the money. Morgan: Oh, thank you. Chuck: First, I need to borrow the De-Morgan. It's an emergency. Morgan: Oh, absolutely, yeah, yeah, yours, done. What's up? Chuck: It's personal. Morgan: Treat her well, my friend. Amad : That's close enough. You have something for me? Sarah: Where's my father? Amad: Hey. Yeah. Nothing. Chuck: Don't sht! Don't sht! I have your money right here. Sarah: Hey, no! Amad: Grab her gn! Mr. Lichtenstein, thank you for joining. Here to sell me the DeLorean? Chuck: I have your money, okay? And I can wire it to you right now. Amad: If you're lying, I will put a bllet in her head. Chuck: All I need is your account number. Please. We're just a couple of bad con men who got in way too deep. All right? All we want to do is give you your money back. Come take it and let us go. ACTIVE ACCOUNT ENTER ACCOUNT# Casey: The sheik's account number. Hmm. Decent plan, Bartowski. Of course I'll never tell him that. Chuck: There. You have your money. Amad: Pleasure doing business. Now kll them. Chuck: What? Casey: OKAY. Hold it right there! U. S. Treasury. Don't anybody move. Send 'em up, boys. I got him. I got Lichtenstein. Come on. Chuck: Oh! Yeah. Yeah, you're really... You're really selling it there, Casey. Yeah. Amad: Is this a joke? Huh? Where's your backup? Casey: Oh. I'm just the tip of the spear. Rest of the crew's on their way up. I've been following these grifters for months now. You know, if you gentlemen would be willing to testify, I'm sure we can get the wapon charges dropped, hmm? Sarah: Drop it! Amad: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You lower your wapon, or I will kll your father. Sarah: If I did that to him, imagine what I'll do to you. Drop your wapon! Oh! Casey: Amad's getting away. Chuck: Not at 22 miles an hour he's not. Sarah: All clear. Dad. Chuck: Hey. Yeah, thanks. Little rough with the cuffs, though. Casey: Yeah. Call it in. Jack: You didn't use blanks? What's wrong with you people? Sarah: It's just a flesh wound. Chuck: Yeah. Hi. I'd like to report a stolen '81 DeLorean. License plate is D- E-M-O-R-G-A-N. ♪♪♪ Beckman: Thanks to your efforts, we were able to freeze nearly a billion dollars of the sheik's foreign accounts. Well done. Sarah: General. Casey: Hmm. Beckman; Now, to the unpleasant news. Agent Walker, we're sending a unit to your hotel to pick up your father for the previous embezzlement charge at 5:00 today. Say your good-byes. That's all. Casey: General? As you know, Mr. Burton was invaluable in the seizure of these funds. Perhaps that could lessen his prison sentence. Beckman: Prosecution will be made aware of that. Sarah: Thank you. Morgan: You're not going to believe this. The police just called. The DeLorean was stolen. Chuck: Morgan, I've been meaning to tell you... Morgan: Dude, do you know what that means? They have to impound the car. I'm gonna get Blue Book value. I'll pay back Awesome, and I'll still have ten large! Dude, I'm rich! Anna: Aah! We're rich. Now, we can move in together in style. I am doing the whole living room in shabby chic. Love you. Morgan: Love you. Oh. Kiss. Kiss. Oh. Mmm. Yummy kisses. Well, you have to grow up sometime, you know? Chuck: The right girl, the right time. I'm proud of you, buddy. Thank you. Lester: Dude, you're not gonna believe what just showed up in the Audio Install. Chuck; Morgan, no! Lester:,Yes. Chuck: No. Lester: Yes. Chuck: DO NOT. Morgan: Well, it couldn't hurt to look, you know... FOR SALE FOR SALE Jack: Aah! Ooh! Boy, lucky you're a good sht. But a good con man doesn't need a g*n, and he can leave... Sarah: Leave town whenever he wants. I know. Uh, Dad, can you get me some Rocky Road? There's a store around the corner. Jack: Sure thing, darling. Sarah: Why did you put the money in Chuck's account? Jack: I needed to put it somewhere 'cause I didn't trust Cop Face. Sarah: But you trusted Chuck? Jack: I read people. That's the only real talent I got. One thing I know- that kid would never betray you. I made a $10 million bet that he loved you. Turns out I was right. I'll be back in a minute. Sarah: Uh, Dad? Can you make it a double scoop? Jack: Sure, darling. Hello, Charlie. Chuck: I've kind of grown accustomed to Schnook. Jack: So have I. I, uh... I wanted to thank you for coming back when I gave you ten million reasons to leave. Chuck: But one really good reason to stay. And she would have done the same for me. Jack: Yeah, I believe she would have. Lucky for me, she met the right schnook. Sarah; He went over there... Jack: My daughter is some kind of cop, isn't she? Chuck; Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Jack: She turned out pretty good. Even with a lousy father. Take care of her. Chuck: I'll do my best. You okay? Sarah: I'm fine. Chuck: Here. He'll be back soon. Sarah: No, he won't.	{"type": "series", "show": "Chuck", "episode": "02x10 - Chuck Versus the Delorean"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Venice Beach, California. JORDAN sits on a chair in a circle with other people for anger management] THERAPIST So, Jordan, what brings you to our anger management workshop today? JORDAN: Well, I was remanded here by my place of employment. I kicked my boss in the cojones. He kind of found that to be a problem. See, I had this guy's brain in my hand when my boss asked me another one of his patronizing questions, and... Oh, speaking of, I prefer Dr. Cavanaugh. Thanks. Like I said, I had this guy's brain in my hand, so I couldn't very well punch him, right? [JORDAN stops when she takes notice of the serious faces in the room] I'm a medical examiner for the County Coroner's office. I cut up dad people for a living. It's a great way to manage your anger, man. I see. THERAPIST: And just what exactly are you angry at, Dr. Cavanaugh? JORDAN: You mean besides inane questions? Oh, I don't know. The designated hitter always ticked me off. Then, of course, there's all the crap I see in my line of work. People klled by drunk drivers, psychos who mrder innocent people for no reason. Injustice. Yeah, that pisses me off pretty good. Or how about a ten-year-old girl who has to hear from her fourth-grade teacher at recess that her mom was mrder? Her dad left alone to raise her without a mom, without a wife, on a cop's salary. Does that work for you? [Jordan’s phone rings] Oh, sh*t. What? Oh. Really? Boston? No, actually, yeah. It just so happens that I'm available. Okay. Yeah, I can be there in the morning. Thanks. Bye. [Scene: JORDAN, carrying two suitcases, is walking and a man bumps into one of her suitcases causing it to open. The man keeps walking as Jordan bends down to pick up her clothes] JORDAN: Never mind. Great. Yeah, thanks for the help. ANNOUNCER: Your attention, please. This is the final boarding call for flight to Boston's Logan Airport. Final boarding call to Boston's Logan Airport. [JORDAN looks up and then back down at her clothes. She picks up her other suitcases and steps over the clothes on the ground, walking away.] [Scene: Boston, Massachusetts. JORDAN is in the bathroom of Logan Airport. She puts on her makeup and while looking at her reflection.] JORDAN: Look, I know I had my problems here in the past. Wow. Wow. My old job back? How flattering. Okay. How long are you gonna hold this against me for? Well, that's my final offer. Take it or leave it. Please, I really need this job. Please. [Scene: JORDAN steps out of a taxi and looks across the street at the Field Medical Examiners building] [Scene: JORDAN stands in the hall of the building when a man walks toward her.] GARRET: Hello, Jordan. JORDAN: Garret. GARRET: It's nice to see you still dress for success. JORDAN: Wanted to make a good first impression. GARRET: You didn't five years ago. Why should now be any different? JORDAN: Gloria? GLORIA: Mamasita. How you doing, baby? What you doing here? JORDAN: Oh, I'll let you know when I find out. GARRET: [ hands Gloria a folder] Gloria. JORDAN: We'll talk later. GLORIA: Uh-huh. GARRET: Things have changed since you left, Jordan. Budget cuts, layoffs. It seems the death industry isn't economy-proof after all. [Scene: GARRET and JORDAN walk into a lab] JORDAN: Whatever happened to Yakura? GARRET: Oh. Yeah, you didn't hear? She outmaneuvered me for the job, thereby ensuring my slow death in the middle rung of this place forever. Is everything okay between you two? JORDAN: Yakura? Oh, yeah. Sure, fine. How about you? GARRET: No. [A man pops up and hits his head] JORDAN: Bug? Hey, man, how you doing? BUG: Jordan? GARRET: Did you lose something, Bug? BUG: My larvae. A thousand of them. Amazonian butterflies. They were in two cases this big. GARRET: Gee, I'm so sorry. Wish I could help. [GARRET and JORDAN walk out of the lab through another door and into the hall] JORDAN: Obviously, some things haven't changed. GARRET: We might have to start writing his name in his underwear. Seen this morning's paper yet? Jonathan Mulroy klled himself. JORDAN: Really? GARRET: Yeah. KELLY: Dr. Cavanaugh. This is so cool. Jordan: Kelly, why are you still here? What happened to the circus? Garret: [Walks in between them and hands Kelly a folder] Kelly. This place is going to hell and it's about to get crazier. [GARRET and JORDAN continue walking] JORDAN: Mulroy klled himself? Wow, I think I voted for him. GARRET: Well, good. You can tell him yourself. He should be here any minute, along with half of City Hall, the D.A. S, the press. Just what we need. You smell something funny? JORDAN: Garret, it's a morgue. It's supposed to smell bad. GARRET: Thank you. Yes, that's the problem in a nutshell. [Scene: GARRET sits at his desk in his office drinking Pepto Bismol while JORDAN sits across from him. JORDAN: You seem a little stressed. GARRET: You have no idea. My nerves are sht. I've got an ulcer, high blood pressure, insomnia, constipation. JORDAN: I get the picture. GARRET: It's just... I got talked into making a speech tomorrow for career day at Bunker Hill Community College. I've been a nervous wreck about it all week. JORDAN: Oh, you'll do fine. Wow, with your winning personality and... GARRET: Yeah. Five jobs in four years, that's impressive. JORDAN: Oh, you know me. Short attention span. GARRET: Uh-huh. Commendation from Chicago P.D. "Solved five mrder. Exemplary skills." "Very passionate about her work." "Excellent diagnostician. " So? JORDAN: I know I had my problems here in the past. GARRET: Yeah. JORDAN: No, really. I just completed an anger management class. GARRET: Well, that's good. JORDAN: Come on, Garret. Are you giving me my job back or not? GARRET: Yeah, I am. But like I said, we've been squeezed pretty hard around here lately, so this is the best I can do. [GARRET writes JORDAN’s pay on a sticky note before handing it to her.] JORDAN: Is this a joke? No, you brought me all the way back here for this? I could get more on the street selling my kidneys! GARRET: Just one second. Hold it. Hold it. JORDAN: How can I... GARRET: I want to read this off. Listen. One second. I'm gonna read you some comments that I failed to mention. JORDAN: Oh, please do. GARRET: Listen and learn. "Insubordination. " "Obsessive desire to solve crimes. "[JORDAN laughs] You think that's funny, Nancy Drew? "Inability to perform duties without causing bodily harm to co-workers. " Come on, Jordan. JORDAN: No, if you knew the story... GARRET: Quiet! Listen to me. Jordan! The truth is no one else wants you, Jordan. I'm sorry. But you want my advice? You take this offer, stay under the radar, do your job and let the cops do theirs. And for God's sake, would it kll you to put on a business suit? JORDAN: Aw, what the hell? I never cared about money anyway. GARRET: Good. KELLY: [Walks into the office and drops a folder on GARRET’s desk] They found a Jane Doe in the alley behind the bus depot. Possible OD. GARRET: Thanks. [KELLY walks out and he turns his attention toward JORDAN] So when can you start? JORDAN: How about now? [Scene: Logan Street Alley. Cops are scattered throughout the crime scene. A crime scene photographer takes pictures of Jane Doe. JORDAN walks into the Alley and over to the Jane Doe.] JORDAN: Hey, Joe. JOE: Hey, darling. COLLINS:[walking toward JORDAN and the Jane Doe] Can I help you? JORDAN: Yeah, I'm Dr. Cavanaugh, the M.E. Assigned to this case. COLLINS: Ah, right. I remember you from a few years ago, right? Yeah, how could I forget? JORDAN: Sorry I can't say the same about you. You must be Detective Lang. COLLINS: No, Detective Collins, Homicide. JORDAN: Any idea who the decedent is? COLLINS: Nothing so far. We found this next to the body. [COLLINS shows JORDANS an evidence bag] Couple rocks, some crystal meth, PCP. Working girls like to come down here to score. Looks to me like she got a little too happy, sat down, died. JORDAN: Well, I'll take a liver temp. COLLINS: Cavanaugh, huh? I knew your old man. Oh, don't worry. I was one of his friends. What they did to him, letting him go like that, it's a real shame. JORDAN: Yeah, well. COLLINS: It happens sometimes. Cop gets obsessed with a case, can't let go. JORDAN: She wasn't a case, she was my mother. COLLINS: Oh, I'm sorry. You know, I was just... How's he doing? JORDAN: Oh, okay, I guess. A little lonely. I'm sure he'd much rather still be on the job. COLLINS: Well, say hello to him for me, all right? JORDAN: Yeah, sure. I'll do that. [Scene: Morgue. Jane Doe lays on the slab as Nigel takes pictures of her, WILLIAM checks her things, and JORDAN speaks into a recorder for the Initial Examination] JORDAN: Subject is a Jane Doe, seventeen to twenty years. Five-foot six, hundred and thirty pounds. [JORDAN hears a thud] What's that? WILLIAM: [picks up a small white rectangular box and hands it to JORDAN: It fell out of her jacket. JORDAN: Thanks. NIGEL: What is it? JORDAN: [opens the box and takes out a rosary] A rosary. She was Catholic. NIGEL: No bruises, no stretch marks. I don't know, most of your hookers look like they've been rode hard and put up wet. Not this girl. JORDAN: William, could you please get me a rpe kit? WILLIAM: You got it. [Scene: JORDAN, WILLIAM, and a cop were escorting Jane Doe on a table to trace evidence.] JORDAN: Just a second. [JORDAN opens the door to Trace Evidence and a few people are surrounding a corpse on a slab] Gloria. [GLORIA steps out of the room and over to JORDAN] I need to get into Trace Evidence. GLORIA: Good luck. We've got Mulroy in here. D.A.'s making Yakura go over everything in triplicate. JORDAN: I thought it was a su1c1de. GLORIA: I know. I thought so. Everyone's real nervous about it for some reason. JORDAN: Well, why'd Mulroy do it? GLORIA: kll himself? I don't know. Money, politics, a woman? He'd been in the press a lot lately. JORDAN: So how much longer? GLORIA: A couple of hours. Go see your dad, get settled in. Lady, what's the rush? JORDAN: There's no rush. It's just this case I'm working on. Teenage prosttute. GLORIA: Yeah. JORDAN: Took a really weird turn on me. GLORIA: How? JORDAN: Well, I just did a pelvic exam on her. She's still a virgin. [Scene: JORDAN gets out of a taxi with her suitcases and stands outside in front of a house. JORDAN walks into the house and places her suitcases on the ground before walking into the living room. She finds her father asleep in his chair before going over to the mantel and picks up a picture of her and her mother, after a moment JORDAN puts it down. JORDAN opens a small wooden box next to it and takes out a rosary. She looks at it intensively before turning around to her sleeping father. JORDAN walks over and kisses him on the head. MAX: [with his eyes still closed uses his hand to mimic a gn and points it at JORDAN] Bang. [MAX opens his eyes] What are you doing here? JORDAN: I'm back. I got my old job back. MAX: Ho-ho! No kidding? [MAX stands up from his chair and hugs JORDAN] JORDAN: Yeah. MAX: Ho-ho! That's great. That's great. JORDAN: I thought I'd crash here for a while until I find a place of my own. MAX: Sure, sure. What happened to LA? Oh, Jordan. Geez, you cannot go through life poking everybody but God in the eye. JORDAN: You did. MAX: Yeah. Look where it got me. Come on. [MAX and JORDAN sat down in chairs next to each other] JORDAN: Well, the place looks good. MAN ON TV: We're gonna go live now to City Hall for an update... JORDAN: Wow, it's so clean. ... MAN ON TV: on the death of Councilman Mulroy. WOMAN ON TV: Friends and colleagues are shocked and surprised at the apparent su1c1de of Councilman... MAX: [gestures to the TV] You hear about this? JORDAN: Yeah, they're doing the autopsy right now. .. WOMAN ON TV: Jonathan Mulroy. He was found dad in his office by a custodian after casting the swing vote that approved the controversial Back Bay Development Project. MAX: It makes no sense. I've known Mulroy since he was a judge. He's been all over the papers lately in this big fight with Donald Ballard. JORDAN: Ballard, the real estate guy? MAX: The holdout vote on a two-hundred and fifty million dollar city contract to Ballard. Next minute, he changes his vote, goes back to his office, and hangs himself with his own belt. WOMAN ON TV: ...he is survived by a wife and two small children. Reporting live from City Hall... MAX: Ballard. I'd follow that lead in a heartbeat. If I was... MAN ON TV: Now let's get a check of your Accu-Weather forecast. JORDAN: Listen, I've been reading about this new DNA test they've been doing in Denver, and they've had a lot of success with blood samples as old as fifty years. Now, this could be the break that we're... MAX: I'm not interested anymore, Jordan. JORDAN: What are you talking about? MAX: There's this book. You gotta read it. Evelyn gave it to me. JORDAN: Evelyn? MAX: Yeah, well, it changed my life. See, it talks about the five stages of grieving. There's denial, anger, bargaining, depression until you finally get to acceptance. That's what I'm trying to tell you. I've accepted it. JORDAN: What do you mean you've accepted it? She was mrder. MAX: You never cried, Jordan. JORDAN: What? MAX: You never cried when she died. You're still stuck in the anger part. See? Now, that there, that explains an awful lot. JORDAN: I am not angry, damn it! And who the hell is Evelyn? EVELYN:[walks into the living room] Is somebody calling me? MAX: I've been meaning to call you about it. So this here is Jordan, my daughter. EVELYN: Oh, my goodness. I've heard so much about you. Oh…[JORDAN stand, then she and EVELYN hug] Well, here, sit, sit, sit, sit. [EVELYN sits on the arm of MAX”s chair while JORDAN stands]Wow. So... Well, you're gonna stay a while, right? [Scene: Trace Evidence Room. Jane Doe lays on the table as JORDAN prepares to examine her] GLORIA: Uh-huh. I know that look, mama. Don't go caring about her. She's just a body. JORDAN: And every body tells a story. Now, what's yours? GLORIA: There's some kind of powder on her hair. I'll run an analysis. JORDAN: [opens Jane Doe’s mouth] Look at this. There's a hair wedged in next to her bicuspid. [GLORIA keeps the mouth open while JORDAN grabs a camera before taking a picture of it. JORDAN then looks at it under a microscope] It's wool. GLORIA: In her mouth? [JORDAN steps aside and lets GLORIA take a look] JORDAN: Except for that strand there. GLORIA: What is that, an eyelash? JORDAN: No, arm hair. Forearm, actually. Except, it's not hers. Wrong color. She bit someone, through a wool sweater, probably right before she died. GLORIA: How do you know that? JORDAN: If you've got a hair in your mouth, you feel it. You take it out. Judging by how far it was wedged up there, it probably left a hell of a mark. GLORIA: I thought you said she OD'd? JORDAN: We won't know until the tox screen comes back in the morning. Unless. [Scene: GARRET is in his office and talking on the phone] GARRET: Because I can't think of three words to describe my mother. Look, it's just a headstone. What do you usually put on 'em? Uh, fine, fine. I'll work on it and I'll get back to you. [GARRET hangs up the phone. JORDAN knocks on the door before walking into the office] JORDAN: Garret, how long will it take to requisition a gallon of cyanoacrylate? [JORDAN touches the dog puppet on GARRET’s desk] GARRET: Don't, don't, don't, don't. I can get it by tomorrow afternoon. Why? JORDAN: I'm gonna try to pull a fingerprint off my Jane Doe. GARRET: You had the simplest assignment on the books. It was a sign-out. JORDAN: I know, and I had every intention of staying under the radar until I found petechial hemorrhages in her eyes. The cause of death wasn't an overdose, Garret. It was suffocation. She was mrder. GARRET: It's great to have you back, Jordan. [Scene: COLLINS walks in the hall of the Boston P.D. Homicide Division while reading a newspaper when JORDAN walks up to him. JORDAN: You were wrong. COLLINS: Oh, man, that is a hell of a way to start a conversation. You sound like my ex-wife. JORDAN: Our Jane Doe, someone smothered her. I think with a garbage bag. COLLINS: Oh, wait. Did you find any trace evidence? JORDAN: We found residue from a talc used inside garbage bags on her face and head. Other than that, she was clean. Except I think she bit the perp on the arm. Probably left a hell of a bruise. COLLINS: Yeah, but what about the drugs we found? JORDAN: I'll know more after the autopsy this afternoon. But first I'm gonna try to find a print of the perp's on her body. Oh, yeah. We found this rosary in her pocket. [JORDAN hands him the rosary in an evidence bag] There's a bin number on the clasp. It might not mean anything. COLLINS: Well, we'll open a file. Great. JORDAN: Thanks. I gotta get back to work. [scene: BUG is in an office with two desks and filled with boxes looking through a filing cabinet. JORDAN enters the office and walks up behind BUG.] JORDAN: Good morning, Bug. BUG:[ he turns to JORDAN] Huh? What's so good about it? [JORDAN walks over to a desk and TREY enters the office] TREY: So you're the new guy. I used to be the new guy. Tremain Sanders. Call me Trey. JORDAN: Well, I'm Jordan Cavanaugh, and you can call me whatever you want. TREY: I'm doing a one-year fellowship. I've got four months left. JORDAN: Well, I'll make sure we don't get to know each other too well. TREY: That's not gonna be easy. We're cellmates. This is my desk. BUG: Look, there's ten dollars in it for anyone who finds my larvae. They are about to hatch. So please, don't make me beg. JORDAN: Sure, Bug. We'll take a memo on that. [BUG leaves the office] From what I hear about you, at least I won't be the only one getting yelled at by Yakura around here. JORDAN: Well, don't believe everything you hear. You know, that used to be her desk there. TREY: Yakura was in here? JORDAN: Yeah, we shared an office. TREY: Well, she certainly traded up. What happened to you? JORDAN: Let's just say she was a little more of a team player than I was. TREY: You know, we should probably go out and grab dinner sometime, get to know each other better. JORDAN: Well, you mean sharing a ten by ten office space isn't enough closeness for you? TREY: Good point. [Scene: GARRET holds the dog puppet in front of a mirror with his hand in it to control the mouth as he speaks] GARRET: I'm here today to talk to you about a career in the exciting field of medical examination. Now, one might ask what are the skills needed for this dynamic profession? I'm glad you asked that. For one thing, it helps to be a people person. [GARRET turns the puppet to face him] You suck. [Scene: JORDAN is in the Trace Evidence room with GLORIA dusting the legs of Jane Doe’s body for a fingerprint. COLLINS opens the door as he knocks on it.] JORDAN: Oh, hey. Grab a mask and a face shield. [COLLINS closes the door and goes to find a mask and a face shield] GLORIA: Oh, hey. JORDAN: If you like tall, cute guys. Well, you know me. I always did have a thing for cops. [COLLINS enters the room with a mask and a face shield] COLLINS: Anything? JORDAN: No, not yet. You know how hard it is to lift a print off human skin. Even harder to get a viable one. What about you? COLLINS: I came up empty. Canvassed the whole neighborhood. It's like she landed from Mars. JORDAN: What about the rosary? COLLINS: We traced the bin number back to the distributor. It's purchased from a shop on Clemens Street. But get this, that store went out of business nine years ago. JORDAN: So why was it still in the box? COLLINS: I don't know. JORDAN: You know what? The encounter wasn't sexual. She trusted him. I don't think we're gonna find a print down here. Can I take this up to her face? GLORIA: Yeah. [GLORIA hands JORDAN the UV light fingerprint duster] JORDAN: Thanks. There it is. COLLINS: How do we know it's not one of her own? JORDAN: Well, we don't, not yet. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS are in the computer room watching KELLY analyze the fringer that was lifted off of Jane Doe’s face] KELLY: Well, it's definitely not one of hers. Points are all different. But you got yourself a thumb here. Pretty good one, too. JORDAN: I got a hunch he's a local. Let's narrow the search down to Massachusetts DMV. KELLy: Yes, ma'am. JORDAN: And how are you doing with our Jane Doe? KELLY: Still no ID. No criminal record, no military, no DMV. JORDAN: How about running her photo through the missing persons database? KELLY: Dude, I'm already there. JORDAN: Sweet. [JORDAN walks over to a computer with Jane Doe’s picture being compared to thousands of missing persons’ photos in the database. COLLINS walks up to JORDAN and stands next to her] COLLINS: This could take a while. You want to grab a cup of coffee? JORDAN: Sure. COLLINS: Okay. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS walk down the street each with a cup of coffee in their hand after leaving the coffee shop] COLLINS: You know, the way you found that print back there, you think like a cop. Did your father teach you that? JORDAN: When I was a kid, at night after I'd gone to bed... COLLINS: Uh-huh… JORDAN: my dad would sit at the kitchen table with a glass of Scotch and he'd lay out all the evidence from a case he'd been working on and just stare at it. Now, I would get out of bed and spy on him. And he always knew I was there. And one night, he asked me over, and he says, "Okay, who do you want to be, the victim or the kller?" And that's how it started. It was like our very own game of Clue, except it was never Colonel Mustard in the drawing-room with a Knfe. COLLINS: Geez, that's kind of a heavy thing to lay on a kid, isn't it? JORDAN: Well, I guess after everything we'd been through together, it just seemed kind of natural, you know? COLLINS: So, I was wondering, do you, you know, you ever date outside of your... JORDAN: Species? COLLINS: Yeah. [JORDAN’S cell phone rings, alerting her she just received a text message, and she reads it] JORDAN: They found a match. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS walk into the computer room and walk toward KELLY, sitting in front of a computer] KELLY: Looks like you've got yourself a winner here. JORDAN: It's Councilman Mulroy. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS walk down the hall] JORDAN: He had some kind of encounter with her. COLLINS: But not sexual. JORDAN: Or at least not consummated yet. Either way, she wound up dad. COLLINS: Yeah, and so he kills himself. JORDAN: Exactly. COLLINS: It's circumstantial at best. JORDAN: Not if he's got a bite mark on his arm, it isn't.[JORDAN and COLLINS enter the morgue and walk toward the security guard] Charlie, which drawer is Mulroy in? CHARLIE: Sorry, he's gone already. JORDAN: Define "gone. " CHARLIE: They came and took him away. The wake's today. They're burying him. [JORDAN and COLLINS walk out of the morgue and into the hallway] COLLINS: So what now? JORDAN: There's only one other way to find out. COLLINS: Oh, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait, wait, wait. Listen, no, no. No way. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS walk into the wake of Mulroy which is being held in City Hall] COLLINS: Look, there are proper channels we can go through for this. We'll get a search warrant. JORDAN: Look at this place. I'm surprised the whole city isn't shut down by now. The mayor, the D.A., city council... Even Donald Ballard showed up. COLLINS: Mmm? JORDAN: The one in the three-thousand dollar suit. Now, he would be a prime suspect if Mulroy's death was ruled anything but a su1c1de. COLLINS: Hey, I will not be a part of this. JORDAN: No one asked you to be. [JORDAN walks over to the casket before crossing herself and kneeling on the bench next to the casket. She unbuttons the cuff of Mulroy’s shirt before rolling up his sleeve to see if there is a bite mark from the Jane Doe, but there was none on the right before doing the same on the left. Again, no bite mark. A man with glasses walks up to JORDAN] MAN WITH GLASSES: What do you think you're doing? JORDAN: [Stands up and acts sad] I wanted to see if he was wearing the ring I gave him for our anniversary. MAN WITH GLASSES: You're not Mrs. Mulroy. JORDAN: No. [JORDAN begins to sob and hugs the man for comfort] MAN WITH GLASSES: Oh. Oh. JORDAN: [ends the hug] Thank you. MAN WITH GLASSES: You're welcome. [JORDAN turns away and wipes the tears from her eyes as she walks toward COLLINS] JORDAN: He didn't kll her. [JORDAN and COLLINS walk up the stairs and out of city hall] [Scene: JORDAN stands next to KELLY and they look at the missing persons match of Jane Doe on the computer] KELLY: Clarice Jenner from Roanoke, Virginia. She was seventeen. JORDAN: Contact her next of kin. Get them up here as soon as possible. KELLY: Okay. JORDAN: Oh, you know what, could you do me a favor? Run a background check on someone for me. Donald Ballard. KELLY: The Donald Ballard? JORDAN: Just get anything you can on him. Criminal records, indictments. Send it over to my office. KELLY: Yeah, will do. [JORDAN walks out of the computer room] [Scene: GARRET fixes his tie in front of the mirror in his office. He turns around to the puppet on his desk] GARRET: What are you looking at? [Scene: GARRET stands at a podium in the auditorium of the Bunker Hill Community College in front of the students in attendance.] GARRET: I'm here today... [stammering] I'm sorry, I'm a little bit nervous. I'm here today to speak to you about a career in the exciting field of medical examination. So, what is... As a medi... I'm sorry. Listen, you don't want to do what I do for a living. I'm the last guy in the world you should be taking career advice from. Do you want to hear something? I actually have a puppet on my desk. My shrink gave him to me. I'm supposed to use him to say all the things that I'm too chicken to say myself, so maybe he's the guy that should be here talking to you instead of me. You want my career advice? Because here it is. Don't follow in your father's footsteps. Don't follow in anybody's footsteps. Don't become a doctor just because your mother wants you to become a doctor or because your father never once said he loved you in your whole lousy life. I don't care. Take that and do something noble. Go be an artist. Be a poet. Do you understand the courage it takes to become a poet? Find something beautiful in life, even if it's just for a moment. Something that tells you, you're alive. That it's gonna be okay. Anybody have any questions about that? Don't forget what I said. [Scene: JORDAN stands in front of CLARICE’S body laying on the storage rack] JORDAN: I'm gonna find out who did this to you. [Scene: JORDAN and MAX sit at the table with everything from the case laid out and two glasses of whiskey] JORDAN: So, that's all I've got. MAX: Not much. JORDAN: I know. She and Mulroy were connected somehow, but how? So, who do you want to be? Victim or kller? MAX: Oh, we haven't done that in a long time, Jordan. JORDAN: I'll be the victim. MAX: I'll be Mulroy. JORDAN: All right. [JORDAN is taken back to the alley when it’s dark] It's early evening. It's just gotten dark. I'm in the alley. It's cold out, freezing, but I don't feel it. I don't feel anything. It's the barbiturates. MAX: No, you're not in the alley. You're with me. Someplace safe and warm. My car. [JORDAN and MAX are now in a car just outside the alley] You're not afraid of me, because you don't realize yet that I'm gonna kll you. JORDAN: I trust you. MAX: Yes. I touch your face. JORDAN: Why? MAX: Maybe you're my mistress. JORDAN: But I'm still a virgin. MAX: Maybe not for long. But you reject me. I can't stand that. If I can't have you then no one will. JORDAN: But you don't mrder me yourself. You got someone else to kll me. How? MAX: I'm a politician. People owe me favors. JORDAN: But who? MAX: I don't know. JORDAN: Then kll me and we'll find out. MAX: It's cold. [JORDAN walks down the alley] You don't see me. JORDAN: Someone's in the shadows. Is it you?[A man comes out and attcks JORDAN by strangling her] I try to resist. But you're too strong. And I fight you. But it's too late. [The man puts a trash bag over her face] I can't breathe. I'm scared. I don't want to die. MAX: Jordan. Jordan! You okay? JORDAN: There's too much missing. What's the connection between them? Until I figure out what she was doing with him... MAX: You're sure there's nothing else? JORDAN: The rosary. She had a rosary, but it was still in the box. It had never been used. It's just like the one that Mom gave me for my confirmation. [JORDAN hands MAX her rosary from her pocket] MAX: This wasn't from your mother. I bought it for you when you were born. It's an old Irish tradition. The father always gives his daughter a rosary for her confirmation. JORDAN: Mulroy's an Irish name. MAX: [hands the rosary back to JORDAN] That's it. JORDAN: Mulroy was her father. [Scene: the next day, CLARICE’S MOTHER was sitting across from COLLINS at his desk holding a picture of her deceased daughter. JORDAN was seated not far behind.] CLARICE’S MOTHER: Mulroy. I didn't think I'd ever hear that name again. I tried to give her a good life. I raised her by myself, working two jobs. She was obsessed with finding out who her father was. I told her I would tell her someday. I should have said he was dad. Five days ago, she got a phone call. The man wouldn't say who he was and she wouldn't tell me, either. The next day she was gone. COLLINS: And you think this was Mulroy? CLARICE’S MOTHER: No, of course not. He wished she had never been born. I was twenty years old, all strung out, you know. I was arrested for possession. He was a judge then. He said he'd get me parole if I slept with him. So I did. Strange, isn't it? A love for a father is a powerful thing. Even when he don't want you. [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS walk out into the hall] JORDAN: They found out about it somehow, contacted her, told her they knew who her father was. COLLINS: Yeah, but who? Mulroy was a politician. He had lots of enemies. Could have been anyone. JORDAN: Ballard. COLLINS: Uh, no. Too easy. He and Mulroy had been at each other's throats in the press for two weeks. It's too public. JORDAN: You think it's just coincidence that Mulroy changed his vote at the last minute, handing Ballard a two-hundred and fifty million dollar contract? Come on, he was blackmailed. They were gonna expose his illegitimate daughter. COLLINS: Do you expect me to believe that Donald Ballard's walking around right now with a bite mark on his arm, that he actually klled her? JORDAN: Not personally, no. But two-hundred and fifty million bucks buys a hell of a lot of cover. COLLINS: Oh, so now it's a massive conspiracy, huh? JORDAN: Mulroy grew himself a conscience and klled himself at the last minute. They never planned on that. Don't you see, that left them with a teenage girl out there who knew too much. They had no choice. They had to kll her. COLLINS: Look, even if that were true, I don't know how you would even approach the D.A. With something like this. Ballard plays golf with the governor. JORDAN: [begins walking away from COLLINS] Then maybe he just needs a little prodding. COLLINS: Where are you going? JORDAN: To see Ballard. COLLINS: Whoa, whoa. [grabs JORDAN’s arm to stop her] And say what, that, "You're under arrest"? You are not a cop, Jordan, and you are gonna cost us this whole damn case. Now, why don't you just stick to your job and let me do mine? Do you understand? JORDAN: Yeah. [JORDAN walks away. COLLINS’ phone rings and he answers it] COLLINS: Yeah? Oh, where? Hey, hey, hey. [JORDAN stops and turns to COLLINS] Yeah, I'll be right over. Jordan, got a suspect. JORDAN: What? COLLINS: Yeah, they got him in Mass General in the ER. JORDAN: I'll meet you there. COLLINS: All right. [Scene: COLLINS and JORDAN walk down the hall of the ER] COLLINS: He's a junkie who lives in a flophouse half a block from the crime scene. It was a routine stop by a couple of bat cops. He ran. He hid under a house. JORDAN: But how do we know it's him? COLLINS: He confessed. He says he got her high, tried to get in her pants, and when she put up a fight, he klled her. JORDAN: What about the bite mark? COLLINS: Well, see for yourself. If there's one there, good luck finding it. [COLLINS and JORDAN look through the window and saw the suspect getting stitches by a doctor and a next to the suspect] Yeah, they sent in a K-9 unit to flush him out. Doctor says it's gonna take over a hundred stitches. JORDAN: What about the mrder wapon? COLLINS: Evidence bag. [a cop in the hall hand COLLINS an evidence bag with a trash bag in it] We're gonna send this down to the lab and see if they can pull some trace evidence off of it. JORDAN: [takes the evidence bag and walks over to an x-ray illuminator] Make sure you look on the inside for eyeliner and lipstick. [JORDAN attaches the evidence bag to the illuminator and turns it on. The illuminator reveals a face imprinted in the bag] Actually, it's not gonna be necessary. Looks like you found your mrder wapon. [Scene: GARRET sits at his desk in his office and looks at his resignation letter. He takes out his pen and it hovers just below ‘Sincerely. A butterfly flys into the office and lands on GARRET’s pen. GARRET looks at the butterfly for a moment before it flies off his pen. GARRET stands up and watches the butterfly as it flies near the door and as another flies down the hall. BUG rushes toward the butterflies and captures them with a butterfly net] BUG: Excuse me. [BUG then goes out of GARRET’s office and chases after the other butterflies that were at. GARRET laughs at BUG’s failed attempt to catch them with the net.] [Scene: JORDAN looks at the rosary on her desk before picking up her desk phone and dialing a number. TREY walks into their office] TREY: So, about that little dinner, we're supposed to have. JORDAN: [puts the phone down] Yeah, uh, listen. I'm sure you're a really nice guy. I mean, you're very attractive and all. You probably graduated top 10%dials of your class? TREY: Five, top five. Five. JORDAN: The fact is I can't go out with anybody I work with. Believe me, nothing good ever comes of it. TREY: Oh-ho, man. That's embarrassing. You thought I was asking you out? JORDAN: Weren't you? TREY: No. I just figured being low men on the totem pole, we could stick together, watch each other's back. That's all. Truth is you don't have anything to worry about with me. JORDAN: Why is that? TREY: Sorry, but I don't date white women. [TREY leaves the office. JORDAN picks up the phone and dials a number. COLLINS is outside walking down a street and answered his phone] COLLINS: Yeah, this is Collins. JORDAN: Why'd he give her the rosary? COLLINS: What? JORDAN: Mulroy. He didn't love her, never acknowledged her. Why'd he give it to her? JORDAN: Come on, Jordan. It's over. We've got our man. JORDAN: I keep thinking something doesn't make sense. COLLINS: There's never a happy ending to these things. There's just closure. I want to apologize... KELLY: [knocks on the doorframe, gaining JORDAN’s attention] The Ballard file. [JORDAN takes the file and KELLY leaves] COLLINS: ...for those things that I said earlier. Why don't you let me make it up to you? Have a drink with me. JORDAN: Sure. COLLINS: Great. And I will meet you at the Tap Room at the Plaza at 9:30. JORDAN: Okay. COLLINS: Okay, I'll see you then. [They both hung up. JORDAN sits down at her desk and opens the file. She goes through its contents before finding a newspaper clipping with a photo of Ballard and next to him is COLLINS] [Scene: JORDAN and COLLINS sit across from each other at a restaurant that evening] COLLINS: Is everything okay? JORDAN: Why did you lead me to believe that you don't know Donald Ballard? COLLINS: What are you talking about? JORDAN: You worked for him. As a bodyguard. I saw a photograph. COLLINS: What, are you checking me out? JORDAN: You acted as though you'd never even seen the man before. Why wouldn't you at least mention that you worked for him? COLLINS: Yeah, but I worked for the mayor, too. What, are you gonna arrest me for that? You know, half the guys on the force moonlight doing security details. Hell, I make thirty-eight grand a year. I barely met the guy. Is everyone a suspect to you? JORDAN: Roll up your sleeves. COLLINS: What? JORDAN: I want to see your arms. COLLINS: [rolls up a sleeve one at a time and shows her each arm one at a time] You're crazy, you know that? Hmm? You really are your father's daughter. [COLLINS gets up from his seat and leaves. He rolls up his sleeves as he exits the restaurant. JORDAN runs out and catches up with him] JORDAN: I'm sorry. Hey, I just saw you in the photo and I thought... [JORDAN gets in front of him and they stop walking] COLLINS: What, that I'm the kller? Huh? That's great. That is just great. JORDAN: It's me. I get all worked up over things. I care way too much about my cases and it gets me into trouble. That's why my life is a disaster half the time. You know, I've got no editor in my brain. You know, and the worst part of it all is that I was really starting to like you. [COLLINS slowly leans in toward JORDAN before the two began kissing] [Scene: a door opens to a dark apartment with JORDAN’s back facing the darkness as she passionately kisses COLLINS. As they walk in, COLLINS turns on the light before closing the door. They remove each other’s jackets as they continue to kiss. They stop kissing and look at each other before COLLINS kisses JORDAN’s neck for a few seconds. JORDAN then kisses his wrist before looking up at him] COLLINS: I'm sorry. Are we moving too fast? JORDAN: No. No. COLLINS: Okay. JORDAN: I just need to... Do you have a bathroom? [The two then laugh a little] COLLINS: I do. It's over there. JORDAN: Great. [JORDAN walks into the bathroom and closes the door behind her. JORDAN opens the medicine cabinet and begins her search] COLLINS: Want something to drink? JORDAN: Yeah, uh, sure. Whatever you got. [A moment later, JORDAN found concealer in the medicine cabinet and knew the truth. She puts it in her pocket, closes the cabinet, and opens the bathroom door revealing COLLINS on the other side. They look at each other for a moment before COLLINS hands her a glass] COLLINS: Scotch all right? JORDAN: Yeah. [She takes the glass and drinks the scotch] [They continue kissing passionately. JORDAN and COLLINS plop down on the bed with JORDAN on top before they continued kissing] COLLINS: Oh, yeah. JORDAN: [she straddles COLLINS] I think this is where we left off. COLLINS: Yeah? JORDAN: [She removes and holds up COLLINS’ handcuffs in front of him] Oh. Oh, my gosh. What's this? COLLINS: Oh, what have we here? Oh, I've been a bad boy. JORDAN: Hmm, really? [JORDAN puts his hands through the barred bed frame before handcuffing them] COLLINS: I've been a very bad boy. JORDAN: Oh, I'm sorry. Are we moving too fast? COLLINS: Not at all. [JORDAN goes in to kiss COLLINS but back away and does this repeatedly while rubbing COLLINS’ right arm with his wait shirt sleeve.] COLLINS: Whoa, whoa, wait, wait a minute. What are you doing? JORDAN: [gets off the bed and holds the concealer up] Everyone knows you never wear white when you use concealer. [COLLINS looks up at his arm and sees the bitemark that CLARICE made] COLLINS: You know, this goes a lot higher than Ballard. You don't want to piss these people off. JORDAN: Why not? Because they're gonna kll me? Truth is I don't care if I die. That's my whole problem. It's what the shrinks told me when I was fifteen. [JORDAN grabs the phone on the nightstand and starts dialing a number] COLLINS: I won't serve a day. JORDAN: You know, it's too bad for you. You'll never know what you missed. [Scene: JORDAN walks down the hall of the empty medical examiner’s building. She slows down when sees a butterfly flying towards her. JORDAN tries to touch it but it flies past her. BUG comes around the corner she just came from and catches the butterfly.] BUG: seven -hundred and twenty-five. [BUG then leaves down the corner he just came from. JORDAN continues down the hall a little more before she walks up to GARRET, who is staring at the city out through a large window] JORDAN: Hey, Garret? GARRET: Hey. JORDAN: I caught the mrder. GARRET: You did? JORDAN: Yeah. GARRET: Good for you. JORDAN: But he was just the trigger man. This thing goes all the way to City Hall. I'm going after Ballard. GARRET: No, you're not. If there's something there, let the police handle it. JORDAN: But the... GARRET: Jordan, I hired you back. I can f*re you. JORDAN: You'd do that? GARRET: Jordan, let it go, please. JORDAN: Look, Garret, are you okay? GARRET: My mother died three weeks ago. She had Alzheimer's. JORDAN: I'm sorry. I... You know, I didn't… GARRET: It's all right. I mean, we hadn't had a real conversation in five years, and I thought I'd already mourned her loss, you know, in my own way, but when she finally died, I don't know, I just... Nothing makes any sense anymore. "Hold dear to your parents for it is a scary and confusing world without them. " That's Emily Dickinson. Listen, I needed to have you back here, Jordan. Don't ask me why. I don't even know. I don't even know myself. I'll see you in the morning, okay? JORDAN: Yeah. GARRET: Okay. [GARRET turns and walks down the hall] JORDAN: [in a strained voice] Good night, Garret. [GARRET waves goodbye to JORDAN as he continues walking. JORDAN turns to the window and looks out at the city] [Scene: JORDAN walks into her father’s home and finds him asleep in his chair with a book on his stomach in the living room. JORDAN smiles at him for a moment before she slowly creeps into the living room. She kisses him on the forehead before turning around and walking toward the mantel. As JORDAN looks at a framed picture of her and her mother, MAX opens his eyes and takes off his glasses while staying in the chair. MAX stands up from his chair and walks up behind a crying JORDAN. JORDAN turns around to her father before she hugs him. MAX soothes his daughter as she cries onto his chest]	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "01x01 - Pilot"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Car Park. Jordan and Nigel are sitting in a car. Nigel has a blindfold on.] JORDAN: We're here. Count down to ecstasy. NIGEL: Oh, you are naughty. Have you taken me some place seedy and awful? The lotel motel. Hey, did you bring any feathers? I'm quite fond of having my... JORDAN: Just take it off, Nige. NIGEL: I love it when you tell me what to do. (Nigel takes off the blindfold and notices they're parked in front of Total Mart.) [Time lapse. Jordan and Nigel are walking towards the door.] NIGEL: You know that moment right before I took off the blindfold, I was so happy. Awful thing to strip a man of his illusions. JORDAN: Look at it this way. Would you have come if I just flat out asked you? NIGEL: No. Why would you want me to? JORDAN: I wanna get my dad a gift. NIGEL: And this concerns me how precisely? JORDAN: I found him something but I need a second opinion. You know, a manly perspective. Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. (They walk into the shop.) GREETER: Good morning to you. Welcome to Total Mart. Anything you want, I'm at your service. JORDAN: Well, for starters you can fork over some of that positive attitude. GREETER: Oh, I can do better than that, young lady. I'll give you the key to happiness. JORDAN: Oh, well, I've looked all over the place for that. Who knew I'd find it here at Total Mart. GREETER: Oh, it's quite simple, really. Don't let the hardship of the past rob the joy from the present. JORDAN: Well, not a bad tip. Unfortunately for me it's about 20 years too late. GREETER: I can assure you it's never too late. JORDAN: You know, I'm gonna hold onto that. Thank you. You have a nice day. GREETER: That's supposed to be my line. (He kisses her hand.) Bye, bye. JORDAN: Bye. (Jordan and Nigel walk away.) What a cool guy. Imagine having a dad like him though. You know, kind of cute and cuddly, says what's on his mind. NIGEL: Yeah. JORDAN: (sarcastic) Yeah, just like my dad. NIGEL: I thought you and Max were getting on. JORDAN: Yeah, because we're avoiding each other. I figure maybe a peace offering is just the ticket. (They walk up to a ride-on mower.) So what do you think? NIGEL: A tractor? JORDAN: A riding mower. NIGEL: It's a bit excessive, isn't it? JORDAN: It's perfect for him. NIGEL: It's just that given your recent conflicts with him, a gift like this could be misconstrued. JORDAN: Misconstrued how? NIGEL: Max has his secrets, does he not? About his past, your mother's death, and you've tried in various ways to make him reveal the truth and... JORDAN: And now I'm trying to do it by bribing him? NIGEL: No, no. JORDAN: Is that what you think? NIGEL: No, it's not. I'm just saying that I don't think this is the best way to get things back on track, that's all. (They hear a woman scream.) WOMAN'S VOICE: Help! We need some help over here! (Jordan and Nigel rush over to where a crowd of people have gathered.) JORDAN: Excuse me. (They push their way through the crowd and find the greeter unconscious on a lounge chair.) Call 911. (Nigel calls 911.) Sir, help please. (A man helps Jordan lay the greeter on the floor. Jordan starts CPR.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Total Mart. The greeter couldn't be revived.] NIGEL: His name is Clive Alpert. Apparently he's been a greeter here for 10 years. Coroner's van's on his way. Heart attck? JORDAN: Looks like it. NIGEL: You did everything you could. (People near by stare at them.) VOICE: Whoa, dad body. JORDAN: Hey, could we show a little respect here? NIGEL: I'll take care of this. (to crowd) All right, all right, now stop with the looky-loo crap, all right? Just go back to your lives. Come on, come on, nothing to see here. (A man and a woman paramedic bring in a stretcher.) JORDAN: Sorry, guys, I think we're way past the ambulance phase. MALE PARAMEDIC: This is the patient, right? We got a call on a heart attck. JORDAN: Yeah, well, then you should've received the second call cancelling the first. We ran CPR and defibbed for three seconds... MALE PARAMEDIC: Ma'am, ma'am, we gotta take him to the hospital so a doctor can pronounce him. JORDAN: Yeah, I am a doctor and I already did. (She holds up her badge.) Believe me, I know dad when I see it. MALE PARAMEDIC: Uh, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to follow procedure here, doctor. JORDAN: I'm not letting you bill his family for a pointless trip to the hospital. He's going with me. [Scene: Outside ME's Office. Garret pulls into a car park. He sees a sign on the wall in front of the parking space. It reads: "This space reserved for Dr. Elaine Duchamp only. All others will be towed."] [Cut to the Crypt. Garret walks out of the elevator.] EMMY: Dr. Macy, I was starting to get worried. Bottleneck on the 90 again? GARRET: Bottleneck implies the traffic was actually moving. And including my parking spot, that was the real highlight of my morning. EMMY: Sir, Dr. Duchamp wanted a word with you. GARRET: Good, 'cause I want a word with her. EMMY: I thought you might so I tried to call you on your cell... GARRET: The battery crapped out. Is my name still in my office or did that get switched too? EMMY: I'm sorry? (He walks down the corridor.) Sir, about Dr. Duchamp. She wanted me to tell you that if... GARRET: Where is she? EMMY: I'm trying to tell you. You were late and she had an appointment to make, so she told me that she wants you to meet her there. (She holds out a note. Garret snatches it off her.) [Cut to the Lobby. Jordan and Lily are there.] JORDAN: I'm just used to the living and the dad being separate, you know? Our worlds are colliding. LILY: Jordan, if you want to talk. JORDAN: Thanks for the offer but I think you should save it for the people he left behind. LILY: That's probably true. I got a hold of Mr. Alpert's son, Dale. He's pretty upset. JORDAN: I'm sure he is. His dad was a really sweet guy. (A man walks up to them.) MAN: Dr. Cavanaugh? Louis Pate, attorney at law. (Lily walks away.) I gather you're handling the Clive Alpert case? JORDAN: Don't tell me I'm being sued. LOUIS: No, I represent the decedent's son, Dale Alpert. He's quite distraught right now and he's asked me to handle the arrangements in regard to his father. You see, it's my client's request that his father not be subjected to an autopsy. JORDAN: I'm inclined to go along with that. Given Mr. Alpert's age and history of heart trouble. LOUIS: I'm pleased to hear it. The sooner we can hold the funeral, the sooner Dale can start the healing process. JORDAN: Well, the body and personal effects can be released probably by the end of the day. LOUIS: We'd prefer it to happen sooner. JORDAN: End of the day is pretty soon. I mean, it's not like we have a drive through window here. LOUIS: Doctor, surely the process can be expedited. JORDAN: But even if I rush the paperwork, it still takes time to arrange transport to the mortuary. LOUIS: There's transport standing by right now. We just need to sign out the body. JORDAN: What the hell is going on here? (Lily and Dale walk in.) LILY: Jordan? This is Mr. Dale Alpert. JORDAN: I'm very sorry for your loss. But what exactly is the big hurry here? DALE: I'm not sure what you mean. JORDAN: I mean your attorney's ready to wheel the body out here himself. DALE: My attorney? JORDAN: Louis Pate. He's right... (She looks behind her and Louis has gone.) [Scene: Cemetery. Garret walks up to Elaine.] ELAINE: Garret, you got my message. GARRET: Loud and clear. About as subtle as a pipe bmb. Now I have a message for you. ELAINE: Believe me, I was shocked to see my name on your space. Graphics apologised for the mix up and promised to be corrected by end of business today. GARRET: You could've told that to Emmy instead of asking me to come out just to hear it from you. ELAINE: We have another matter to discuss, Garret, of a more delicate nature. GARRET: What matter? ELAINE: Three years ago, Diane Clark, a transient and known drug user OD'd on heroin, or at least according to her autopsy. GARRET: Not sure I follow. Are you saying a mistake was made? ELAINE: Diane Clark came here from Detroit, right around the time that addicts were dropping there like flies from a bad batch of heroin laced with rat poison. It just got around to catching the wacko responsible. Detroit police believe that she may be linked to the suspect. GARRET: Well, if the question is did she OD or was she poisoned, the answer is test her tissue samples. We should still have them. ELAINE: We don't. In fact, samples from her may never have been taken. Based on the report, the autopsy was done in a very deficient matter which is why I've ordered the body exhumed. GARRET: Let me clear up a misconception here, Dr. Duchamp. You're second chair, not first. You find evidence of a slip sht exam, you come to me immediately. As far as having a body exhumed, that calls by me and me alone. Is that clear? ELAINE: I was trying to protect you from any appearance of conflict of interest. GARRET: Where's the conflict? ELAINE: You did the autopsy, Garret. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Dale is there. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: I called the ABA. Whoever Louis Pate is he isn't a lawyer. I doubt his name's even Louis Pate. DALE: My father came to Ellis Island with nothing but the lint in his pockets. Worked hard, made a life for himself and his family. And for this to happen. It's violation, violation of his memory. JORDAN: We'll get this all sorted out, Mr. Alpert. For starters I've called the police. Detective's on his way over here. DALE: Little late for that, isn't it? JORDAN: Well, not if your father had enemies. DALE: Dad didn't have enemies. He's the most decent man I ever know. Someone who touched the lives of everyone he met. JORDAN: Yeah, I can see that. I was there in the store when it happened. DALE: Did you talk to him? JORDAN: Just briefly when I came in. DALE: How was he? JORDAN: Happy. DALE: Why would someone try to take his body? JORDAN: Possibly to conceal cause of death. DALE: Are you saying he was klled? JORDAN: I'm saying I think we should do an autopsy. [Cut to Lily's Office. Garret is there. Lily walks in.] LILY: Dr. Macy, hi. GARRET: Hey. Thought I'd stop by and see how you were settling into your new office. LILY: Great. Is that one of my intake files? GARRET: I'm just doing a little research. LILY: Oh. (She looks at the file.) Diane Clark. GARRET: Yeah. I guess you've heard. It's probably all over the building by now. LILY: Oh, I'm sure it's not true. GARRET: Dr. Duchamp was to spread the word. She's after my job, Lily. This is about hard ball politics, pure and simple. LILY: I thought this was about an autopsy. GARRET: She's just using that to undermine me to attck my credibility. LILY: Well, that is just going to back fre on her, right? Once all the facts came out. Garret? GARRET: I have a little problem. Even after reviewing my own report, I can't recall a single thing about this woman. LILY: That must happen once in a while. GARRET: Not with me. It never happens. How can I defend myself against Elaine Duchamp if I can't remember the case? [Cut to Autopsy. Jordan and Nigel are autopsying Clive Alpert.] NIGEL: I suppose this has kind of ht home, right? JORDAN: How so? NIGEL: The bond between parent and child torn suddenly by death. The fragile fabric of our existence and all that. I mean, Max is getting on in years after all. JORDAN: This case isn't about me. Or me and Max. NIGEL: But my point is... JORDAN: I know what your point is, okay? End of conversation. NIGEL: Okay, so um, hard to fathom why someone who mrder the old bugger. JORDAN: I'm not so sure anyone did. I mean, he had a history of coronary artery disease. NIGEL: But if it's natural causes, why would someone try to pinch the corpse? JORDAN: I couldn't have put it better myself. Though I would stay clear of the words "pinch". (They look at a sheet of paper.) That's weird. His pulmonar stats are sky high. The marker for a massive heart attck. NIGEL: Well doesn't that confirm your theory? JORDAN: No, I mean, massive, massive. With these enzyme levels, it would've been bang, Clive drops dad instantly. NIGEL: I'm afraid I still don't see your problem. JORDAN: Well, the store just opened, Clive was starting his shift. Why didn't he collapse at the entrance? How did he end up in a chair in the furniture department? [Scene: Total Mart. Surveillance Room. Jordan, Nigel and two men are there.] JORDAN: Can you fast forward it? NIGEL: There's a stampede of consumers, why would he leave his post? JORDAN: Can we pick him up from another camera? (They watch as Clive makes his way over to the furniture department clutching his stomach.) NIGEL: Well, he looks unwell. I thought you said a heart attck like his would ht straight away? JORDAN: Yeah, it would. I don't get this. Uh, let's go back to the first angle when Clive walked away. Freeze. NIGEL: What? What is it? JORDAN: Now let's go to the furniture department when the paramedics showed up. Okay, freeze that. Can you blow up the paramedic? Okay, now let's do the same thing with the guy shaking Clive's hand at the door. NIGEL: They're the same man. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Jordan and Nigel are showing Garret the surveillance photos of the man.] GARRET: There's a resemblance. What about it? JORDAN: Well, it raises a few questions, don't you think? GARRET: They say everybody's got a twin. My uncle Pete's a dad ringer for Boris Yeltsin. JORDAN: This isn't two people, Garret. This is one man. He shakes Clive's hand and Clive kicks the bucket. Next thing you know he's back to EMT. NIGEL: Yeah, but not from any local ambulance firms either. Because they all have company names sewn on their shirts and shoulder patches. This gent doesn't have any of that. GARRET: Maybe he ran out of clean uniforms. Look, I don't have the patience to guess where you two are going with this, all right. JORDAN: We think that this guy klled Clive Alpert. GARRET: How? By shaking his hand? NIGEL: Possibly, yeah. I mean, there are numerous toxins transmittable through close contact that could mimic a heart attck. It's not so far fetched. In 1978, the KGB assassinated a journalist in London with a poison tipped umbrella. JORDAN: Okay, maybe the KGB thing isn't the best example but look how this all lays out. Clive dies right after meeting this guy who then dresses up as an EMT who tries to take the body. Another guy dressed up as a lawyer, tries to do the same thing. Something really funky's going on here. GARRET: Then you should be telling this to the police, not to me. Oh, okay, you already talked to them but they didn't buy it. JORDAN: They're on the fence, they just need a little nudge. Come on, Garret, what do you say? GARRET: I can't make that call, Jordan. (They walk into his office.) JORDAN: You can't or you won't? NIGEL: Why don't I just wait outside? (He does so.) GARRET: All right, I won't make that call. The last thing I need right now is you kicking up a lot of dust. Not with Elaine investigating... JORDAN: It's sickening. You're afraid for you job? GARRET: My job would be a hell of a lot more secure if it weren't for all the times I went out on a limb for you. JORDAN: So what, I'm supposed to back off because you're on the bubble? GARRET: You're supposed to bring me proof. I'm not sticking my neck out for some wild ass conspiracy theory. Proof, Jordan. Now put up or shut up. [Time lapse. Autopsy. Jordan and Nigel are autopsying Clive Alpert.] JORDAN: I got your proof right here. NIGEL: Question is, what nasty little substance is gonna turn up? JORDAN: You tell me. What's the hot KGB poison these days? NIGEL: Well, for something that might trigger a heart attck? I favour extract of ascelepius or perhaps a variant of vactrivectrus (sp?). JORDAN: Boy, you took the words right out of my mouth. NIGEL: See, none of these would show up on a normal tox screen but our friend the gastromatograph reveals all. JORDAN: And you know about this how? NIGEL: Courtesy of the royal navy. JORDAN: Since when does tox and expertise go hand in hand in swabbing decks? NIGEL: I had some exposure, shall we say to the dark art of counter intelligence. JORDAN: You were a spy? NIGEL: I really don't appreciate your tone. (Elaine walks in.) ELAINE: Excuse me, Dr. Cavanaugh. But is it really your attention to order a gastromatograph on this man? JORDAN: You bet. ELAINE: Even though he died of a heart attck? JORDAN: I think he had a little help. ELAINE: I don't see that indicated anywhere on your preliminary report. JORDAN: This is my case, Elaine. I don't even see why we're having this conversation. ELAINE: Well, I can't in good conscience authorise that kind of blood work, not with the tox lab stretched to maximum. JORDAN: Actually, that is not your call. It's Dr. Macy's. ELAINE: Well, special test orders go through me now. I'm trying to lighten his work load. JORDAN: Is that what you're doing? ELAINE: Let's not make this about Dr. Macy. JORDAN: Well, that'd be a lot easier if you got off his back and let him do his job. ELAINE: Mr. Alpert's son is grieving and I won't let you needlessly drag this out. I want your final report turned in by day's end. (Elaine leaves the room.) JORDAN: Well, that puts a crimp in things. NIGEL: Did you see this? JORDAN: What about it? He had a tattoo removed. NIGEL: The ink is likely still in the tissue, right? JORDAN: Nigel, we have bigger things to worry about than his tattoo. NIGEL: I don't believe it. JORDAN: What? (Nigel takes a photo of the tattoo.) What is it? [Time lapse. Computer Room. Jordan and Nigel are there. They have printed out the photo of the tattoo.] JORDAN: Okay, so he had a tattoo of a circle. NIGEL: Actually, it's the gothic letter O. JORDAN: Come on, Nige, the suspense is klling me here. NIGEL: Gothic O on Clive's upper left arm. It's the first time I've ever seen one in the flesh, as it were. Anyway, what we have here is a blunt group tattoo given only to officers of Waffen SS. JORDAN: So what are you saying? That sweet old Clive Alpert was a nzi? NIGEL: Yeah. JORDAN: Come on, Nigel, there's gotta be another explanation for this tattoo. NIGEL: Like what? He's the right age, he came here after the wr. JORDAN: From England. NIGEL: He could've fled there from Germany. Which is why I'm running a facial recognition program checking his DMV picture against the database of nzi wr criminals. It's really cool. It looks at things like bone structure, distance between the eyes. JORDAN: You're really serious about this? NIGEL: Yeah. (The computer beeps.) Ladies and gentlemen, we have a possible match. Herman Grace. An SS lieutenant. Oxford educated. Grace spoke fluent English. He vanished in late '45 near the end of the wr. Prior to that he met the incoming trains at Raven's Point concentration camp. If this is our guy, it's not the first time Clive's been a greeter. JORDAN: Even so, it still doesn't explain why someone would want to kll him half a century later. This would rock his son's world. I mean, he's already devastated. NIGEL: We probably shouldn't tell him, or anyone really. This is a possible match. There are intriguing similarities to be sure, but we need something conclusive. We need fingerprints. [Cut to the break room. Bug is there making a coffee. Garret walks in.] GARRET: Hey, Bug. How's the java? BUG: Like a water sample from Luft canal. GARRET: Better than usual, huh? Maybe I'll join you. Listen, I imagine you know what's going on. (Bug nods.) Anyway, I was just going over Diane Clark's autopsy report. I noticed that you examined her in connection with the larval... BUG: Larval development relative to body decomposition. GARRET: Right, so I was just wondering... BUG: You know, I really gotta finish up Mr. Fisher. GARRET: He's dad, Bug. He can wait. I need to ask you about Diane Clark. BUG: I'm sorry, Dr. Macy. GARRET: What do you mean you're sorry? I'm still chief medical examiner here. You still work for me. If I have questions, I expect answers. BUG: I understand that but I can't talk to you about this case. GARRET: Why not? BUG: Dr. Duchamp is doing the second autopsy on Diane Clark and she asked me to assist. I'm sure you can understand. [Scene: Outside Clive Alpert's House. Jordan and Nigel are walking up to the front door.] NIGEL: Do you know how many laws we're violating here? Stealing morgue property. (Jordan takes the keys out of the personal effects envelope.) JORDAN: Technically it's Clive's property. We're just borrowing it. NIGEL: What possible value could there be to breaking into the guy's home? JORDAN: Maybe his home can tell us what his body can't. Come on, 007. Where's your sense of adventure? (They unlock the door and walk inside. The place is trashed.) NIGEL: Blimey, someone gave this place a going over. JORDAN: If they were trying to cover up a mrder, why would they trash the place? (Nigel looks at some photos of Clive and Dale.) NIGEL: I can see why Mr. Alpert's son is so devastated. They seem very close. JORDAN: Pictures don't tell a whole story. NIGEL: They tell part of it. Bet there aren't three photos of me with my father. I envy anyone who has a dad who actually wants a relationship. JORDAN: Check out this clock. It stopped at 8:08. Total Mart doesn't open until 9am. Which means they ransacked this place before Clive died. Whatever they were looking for they couldn't find it, so they went after Clive. Maybe it isn't his body they want at all. What if it's his personal effects they they're after? (She pours the personal effects out of the envelope.) NIGEL: I thought of that already and went through everything with a fine tooth comb. There's nothing there. JORDAN: There has to be. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Bug and Elaine are there. Diane Clark's body is laying under a sheet. Garret walks in.] GARRET: All the summoning's getting a little bit obvious, Elaine. What's this about? ELAINE: What is some of the physical signs of heroin overdose, Dr. Macy? GARRET: Froth of the nose and mouth, pulmonary oedema, among others. Why? ELAINE: And how would you determine if pulmonary oedema was present? GARRET: The same way anyone else would. By opening her up and doing an internal exam. (Elaine uncovers the body.) There's no incision. ELAINE: There certainly isn't. How do you explain that, Dr. Macy? [Scene: Max's Bar. Jordan walks over to the bar with the envelope of personal effects.] JORDAN: Hey, dad. Uh, thanks for doing this. MAX: A step in the right direction I figure as long as we're clear on the ground rules. JORDAN: I came here to talk about the case, not stroll down memory lane. MAX: Good. Am I a kller or a victim? JORDAN: Neither. You're like an expert witness. MAX: That's not how we play the game. JORDAN: Well, maybe we should change the rules. (She tips the personal effects on the bar.) I think whoever klled Clive is after something here. I can't see it, I'm hoping you can. MAX: How does this square with him being a nzi? JORDAN: I don't know. MAX: All right, let's say you're right. Say they wanted his stuff. It's not worth a plug nickel, so either he hid something here that Nigel couldn't find... JORDAN: Or? MAX: Or they got the wrong man and Clive Alpert is an innocent victim. JORDAN: He's a victim, I wouldn't call him innocent. MAX: I don't know. Photos of the grand kids, library card. What I'm getting is solen citizen, stand up guy. JORDAN: Yeah, yeah. I bet he was a real ht at the labour camp. MAX: You don't know that's really him, Jordan. JORDAN: His whole life was a lie, I know that much. MAX: Looks to me he was just trying to be a good man and lead a good life. JORDAN: He betrayed his family. His own kid doesn't know the truth. MAX: Yeah? Maybe it should stay that way. JORDAN: But it isn't going to. MAX: What are we really talking about here, Jordan? (She picks up the personal effects.) JORDAN: I guess I made a mistake. (Jordan walks out of the bar and to her car. The man who posed as the paramedic walks up behind her and points a gn.) MAN: You have something I need. [Scene: ME's Office. Elaine's Office. Elaine and Dale are there. Jordan walks in.] ELAINE: Have a seat, Dr. Cavanaugh. To be candid with you, I hardly know where to begin. JORDAN: Look, just let me explain. ELAINE: Right now I suggest you listen. Since you didn't submit your paperwork, Mr. Alpert has not been able to claim his father's body. And on top of that, his father's effects are now missing. I don't suppose you know anything about that? JORDAN: They were taken. DALE: Well, obviously they were taken. JORDAN: I mean, from me. I was robbed. ELAINE: You took them from lockup without authorisation? DALE: All dad's things. His money clip, his glasses, those were keepsakes. JORDAN: I'm sorry. DALE: Why are you doing this to me? JORDAN: The man who robbed me was involved in your father's death. DALE: My father died of a heart attck. What is this crusade you're on? Who the hell do you think you are? [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret and Lily are there.] GARRET: This will be seen as gross incompetence. If I don't figure this out, my career will be as dad as Diane Clark. LILY: I don't think now is the time to worry about damage control. GARRET: Really? When would be a better time? LILY: Garret, what you need to focus on is why. GARRET: Damn it, I don't know why! LILY: Don't yell at me, I'm trying to help you. GARRET: I'm sorry, it's just this has never... How can I not have done an internal exam and why can't I remember it? LILY: Maybe you blocked it out somehow. GARRET: It's not like I knew the woman. No offence, but I don't see the psychological angle's going anywhere. LILY: Okay, what about this? Do you still have your schedule from 3 years ago? GARRET: I've got my appointment books going back 10 years. Legal makes me keep them. LILY: Maybe if you check your schedule for the day of the autopsy, see if it reminds you. Works for me sometimes. (Garret takes a book off of the shelf and opens it.) GARRET: July 18th. LILY: Yeah. GARRET: Wednesday, July 18th. Staff meeting, meeting at the DA's office. I wish I could say it was all coming back to me. LILY: Garret, what about this? Two days later. GARRET: Atkins... Atkins Brothers? LILY: Does that mean something to you? [Cut to the corridor. Nigel walks up to Jordan.] NIGEL: Where are you going? JORDAN: Home. I'm in hot water. Hotter than usual. NIGEL: Well, I may have just the thing to cool that off. I found something in Clive's effects. I think it's what got everyone's knickers in a twist. JORDAN: In Clive's effects? His effects are gone. That's part of the problem. NIGEL: Gone but not forgotten. See, when first went through Clive's things, I swiped his credit cards. (They walk into the computer room.) JORDAN: Didn't you say something about hot water getting cooler? NIGEL: As in swiped through this magnetic card reader. It reads the magnetic stripe and then saves the information to the computer. Now this is Clive's Total Mart card. These 3 bands are tracks on the mag stripe and the dips and valleys represent the data. There's data on all 3 tracks. JORDAN: So? NIGEL: So typically only 2 tracks have data on them. Third should be empty. And yet it isn't. JORDAN: And this is a break through? All I see is hieroglyphics. NIGEL: Watch what happens when I run a little de-encryption routine. JORDAN: It's a list of men's names. NIGEL: Yeah, 18 names to be exact. Each followed by two sets of digits. JORDAN: Clive Alpert's there but who are these other guys? NIGEL: I don't know. I'm not sure what the two sets of numbers are either. JORDAN: I know what one of them is. Next to Clive Alpert's name. Social security number. [Time lapse. Jordan and Nigel are each on a computer hacking into the social security database.] NIGEL: Hacking into this is a federal crime, you know. JORDAN: Let's just put it on my tab, shall we? I'm starting to see a pattern here, are you? NIGEL: Yeah. All the same age as Clive, give or take a few years. JORDAN: And they all got social security numbers right after 1946. After World wr II. NIGEL: And they all kicked the bucket. JORDAN: Except for this one. He's still collecting benefits. (Nigel goes over to Jordan's computer.) NIGEL: Edmund Berg. JORDAN: We need to find this guy. [Scene: Atkins Brothers Funeral Home. Garret walks in.] EDWARD: Dr. Macy. What a pleasure it is to see you, sir. Edward Atkins Jr. GARRET: You know me? You know who I am? EDWARD: In my line of work I should think so. You're chief medical examiner. GARRET: So we've never actually met? EDWARD: I wouldn't expect you to remember, I know you're a terribly busy man. GARRET: Was it 3 years ago about mid July? EDWARD: Yes, it was indeed. GARRET: Why did I come here? EDWARD: Sir? GARRET: Three years ago, what was the purpose of my visit? EDWARD: Well, uh, it was in regard to one of our clients. GARRET: Was it Diane Clark? EDWARD: Yes. Yes, as a matter of fact it was. GARRET: What about her? I need to know. Please. EDWARD: As I recall, Diane Clark was not a woman of means, so we provided her with a basic package... GARRET: A low budget funeral. Go on. EDWARD: Well, on the day you visited, you dropped off a dress. GARRET: A dress? EDWARD: For Diane Clark to be buried in. I thought it was a very touching gesture, Dr. Macy. [Scene: Paradise Retirement Center. Jordan, walks up to reception.] JORDAN: Hi. I'm here to see Edmund Berg. WOMAN: I'm sorry, visiting hours are over. JORDAN: Even for family? I'm his daughter. WOMAN: I wasn't aware Mr. Berg had any children. JORDAN: Yeah, actually, neither was he until recently. Dad was kind of an important storm kind of guy if you know what I mean. WOMAN: He's in room 118. JORDAN: Thanks. (Jordan walks down the corridor. Her phone rings.) Hello? NIGEL: Remember that 2nd set of digits? They're account numbers to Swiss banks. JORDAN: I'll be sure to ask Mr. Berg about that. NIGEL: While you're at it, see if he knows why all funds have been withdrawn and all accounts closed in the last 12 hours. (Jordan walks up to Edmund's room. A doctor covers Edmund over with a sheet.) JORDAN: That might be kind of tricky. [Scene: Paradise Retirement Center. Jordan is walking down the corridor talking on her phone to Nigel.] JORDAN: He died of apparent heart attck. NIGEL: Well, that's a bit of a coincidence, isn't it? Anyone else pay him a visit? JORDAN: Just medical staff. Look, I think we've taken this as far as it can go. NIGEL: Okay, I'll call you later. (She hangs up. She sees the mystery man in a doctor's coat enter the stairwell. She walks down the stairwell and sees the door at the bottom of the stairs close. She walks through the door which leads to the underground parking area. She looks around and sees nobody around. Suddenly, someone starts shting and Jordan hides behind a car. She looks at her phone and it reads "No Service".) JORDAN: Damn. (She takes off her shoes and sneaks behind another car. She sees the man near by holding a gn. She throws one of her shoes at a car and the alarm goes off. She runs towards her car and frantically tries to unlock it. The man walks up to her and points the gn. He presses a button on a remote control and the car alarm stops.) MAN: Nice try. JORDAN: People know that I'm here. MAN: You should've let this one go. JORDAN: I don't know how. It's one of my tragic flaws. Why'd you kll these men? MAN: They died of heart attcks. No test will ever prove otherwise. All you've managed to do is put yourself in harms way, Dr. Cavanaugh. JORDAN: At least tell me what this is all about. Why go after Clive Alpert? Haven't I earned the right to know? MAN: He created and financed a support network for other wr criminals. JORDAN: And what's that have to do with you? MAN: I'm a debt collector. JORDAN: Collecting money from old nzi. MAN: Recovering stolen money on behalf of certain parties from whom it was taken. JORDAN: And knocking off old men in the process. MAN: My job was to make them pay. JORDAN: But it's not up to you to be judge and jury. MAN: Yet here I am. JORDAN: So you just hand on heart attcks to nzi or other people as well? MAN: Some things are better left unknown. JORDAN: I'm getting in my car now and I'm driving away. You do what you have to. (Jordan gets in her car and winds down the window.) You know, there's just one more thing. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Bug is there. Garret walks in.] BUG: I've been told not to discuss this case with you so it's best if you... GARRET: No, no, no. I'm beyond asking questions, Bug. BUG: For what it's worth, I wish the things hadn't gone this way. GARRET: Maybe it's how they're supposed to go. I'd like a moment alone if you don't mind. (Bug leaves the room. Garret pulls the sheet back from Diane Clark's face. Lily walks in.) LILY: Garret? (Garret covers Diane Clark back up and leaves the room.) [Scene: Rooftop. Garret is sitting there. Lily walks onto the rooftop and sits beside him.] GARRET: So I remember her now. It's 3 years ago, 3 years last July. LILY: You mean when Diane Clark died? GARRET: Maggie and I had split up. LILY: What does that have to do... GARRET: I was drinking too much, trying not to feel anything. I loved Maggie so much. LILY: I'm sorry, that must have been a very painful time. GARRET: I also hated her. For what she was putting me through. I began thinking that everything would be all right if she were dad. That's when Diane Clark came in. I remember, I was just about to do the internal exam and I saw this birth mark on her stomach. Maggie had exactly the same mark, the same size, the same spot, everything. LILY: You couldn't cut her. GARRET: I could barely even look at her. I signed her out and walked away. Maggie left this dress in the closet. I took it to the funeral home for Diane Clark to be buried in. LILY: You were going through a crisis. I mean, I'm sure Elaine will take that into account. GARRET: No, she won't. She shouldn't. [Time lapse. Garret's Office. Garret is sitting at his desk. Elaine walks in.] GARRET: Come on in, sit down. I've been expecting you. ELAINE: Then I hope I haven't kept you waiting. GARRET: I wanna thank you. ELAINE: Thank me? GARRET: Yeah. See, I don't tend to look back, it's not my nature. But I've been forced to because of your investigation. I've been looking over my old cases. I remember them all. This guy wore a pendant around his neck with a photo of his beagle. I remember the names, the faces, the causes of death. Families I was able to comfort in some small way. ELAINE: You don't have to defend yourself to me, Garret. GARRET: I'm not. I'm just reminding myself of my role here. And I'm telling you I will vigorously fight any effort to remove me. ELAINE: I would expect nothing less. GARRET: I had a fear ego, not because of power politics but because this is what I do and I'm damn good at it. ELAINE: Is there anything you'd like to say before I file my report on the Clark case? GARRET: Just that I stand by my original finding that she overdosed on heroin. ELAINE: And as far as the unusual way in which the autopsy was done? GARRET: Sometimes the person on the table becomes more to you than just a body. Maybe you know what I'm talking about. If you don't, you're not fit to have my job. That'll be all, Dr. Duchamp. (Elaine leaves the room.) [Cut to Forensic Analysis. Jordan is in front of a computer. Dale is waiting in the corridor. Elaine stands at the doorway.] ELAINE: You should know there's a nation wide alert for your paramedic. JORDAN: He's probably out of the country by now. How'd you hear about it? ELAINE: Dr. Macy held a briefing for the senior staff members in his office. JORDAN: Nice to know he still has an office. ELAINE: Diane Clark's tissue work came back confirming that she died of a heroin overdose. My report will endorse Dr. Macy's original autopsy. JORDAN: That's good. ELAINE: Has it ever occurred to you that someone higher up the ladder has it out for Dr. Macy? JORDAN: So what, you're just the hatchet man? ELAINE: You can afford to be righteous. You're lucky. JORDAN: Well, I can afford it but it still costs me. ELAINE: What's he still doing here? JORDAN: Waiting for me to fill out the death certificate. ELAINE: Well, you can whip that out in 5 minutes. JORDAN: No, actually, we just got confirmation back from Interpol. Clive Alpert's fingerprints matched those of a nzi wr criminal. I don't know who's name to put down here. If I tell the truth he loses his dad all over again. If I don't, I'm just part of the lie. ELAINE: Some advice, don't do what's easy. Do what's right. [Time lapse. Jordan hands Clive's personal effects to Dale.] DALE: It's all here? Everything? (Jordan nods.) How'd you get a hold of them? JORDAN: I found the guy who took them and then I asked him to give them back. DALE: They're ordinary things but they're his. It makes them precious. I'm so grateful. I guess that just leaves the death certificate. JORDAN: Yeah. (Dale looks at the death certificate.) DALE: Everything seems to be in order. JORDAN: You know, people usually look at cause of death first. Not sure why but they do. You looked at his name. DALE: I, uh, I just forgot dad's middle name was Harris. JORDAN: Is it that? Or were you worried it might say who he really was? DALE: I know who he really was. He was my father. [Scene: Max's Bar. Max is there cleaning up. Jordan walks in.] MAX: We're closed. JORDAN: Just so you know, Clive Alpert was not a stand up guy. He was who I said he was. MAX: I bet his son was glad you cleared that up. JORDAN: I didn't. He already knew. He knew and he loved his father anyway. So you still closed? MAX: What do you know. My watch is fast. Last call. JORDAN: Let's make it a round. On me.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "02x03 - The Truth Is Out There"}	foreverdreaming
Devil May Care *Apartment* Woody: This is Detective Hoyt. I got a homicide. 227 Pearl Street. I'm gonna need some backup. (Police come in, gn drawn.) That was quick. Police Officer: It's Captain Malden. Outside in an alley* (Jordan is laying on the ground in an alley. She has double, woozy vision. She gets up and walk towards the street. There is a lot of police activity. When she gets to the street, she sees Garret.) Garret: (Dog barking) Jordan! Where the hell have you been? People have been looking for you all night. Jordan: I don't know. Garret: What do you mean you don't know? Jordan: What's going on here? Garret: There's a mrder. Jordan: What? Here? Where? Garret:: Captain Malden was sht to death in your apartment. Jordan: sht? What was Malden doing in my apartment? Who sht him? Garret: It was your father, Jordan. Jordan: Where is he? Garret: No one knows. He got away. You--you don't look so good. You wanna sit down? No, I'm-- (Jordan collapses, Garret catches her.) Need an ambulance over here! Now! Police officer: Hey, we need a paramedic over here! {Crossing Jordan Intro} *Outside Max's Pub* (There is police activity. Woody goes to a black car and reaches for something above the left rear tire.) Walcott: Quite a hike to the precinct. Remind me never to hitch a ride with you. Woody: Uh, find him yet? Walcott: Nope. But we found your car. Right outside Max's pub. Woody: Yeah, I left it here last night. Walcott: Okay. Woody: I-I mean, uh, yesterday afternoon. Captain Malden asked me to keep an eye on Max Cavanaugh. Walcott: Why? Woody: Miss Walcott, when a Captain asks me to do something, I don't ask why. Walcott: Well, I'm a little bit confused why your car is here, yet you were found standing over Malden's dad body in Jordan Cavanaugh's living room. One might be led to believe you went over there with Max Cavanaugh. You see, Detective Hoyt, when a Captain of the Boston city police department is mrder, asking why is precisely my job. Woody: He took my keys. Walcott: Ooh, he's a wily one. Woody: That he is. Walcott: Which brings me to my next question-- Woody: I had a feeling there was going to be another one. Walcott: How did a 60-year-old man get the drop on you? Woody: As I'm pretty sure I said in my statement... I heard two shts. By the time I came to the door, Cavanaugh came up behind me. Put a barrel on the back of my head. Walcott: Well, don't you learn that day one of rookie training, to cover your back when you enter a potential mrder scene? Or does the fact that you have a relationship with Cavanaugh's daughter change procedure? Woody: Am I being interrogated here? Walcott: No. That's obviously not my job... yet. And until then, I'm recommending that you be removed from this case. Woody: Last time I checked you don't have a badge. Therefore, you don't have the authority. Walcott: Try me. *Hospital* Garret: Jordan, you decent? Jordan: Am I ever? Wearing that gown with my ass hanging out got kinda old. Garret: No, no, no, no. You cannot leave until they figure out what's wrong with you. Jordan: I know what's wrong. I was drugged. Garret: Your tox screen showed nothing but elevated blood alcohol. Jordan: Then he must have slipped me something that a tox screen can't pick up. Garret: He? Jordan: It's coming back in bits and pieces. Malden. I-I remember meeting him at his office. Garret: Are you saying Captain Malden drugged you? Jordan: Yes. Garret: What would possess him to do that? Jordan: James, my brother. Malden was his father. Garret: That doesn't explain a damn thing, Jordan, expect for maybe why Max sht him. Jordan: Look, I know how it looks, but my dad did not do this. Garret: He was there with a gn in his hand. He fled the scene. Jordan: James was in my apartment. He's involved with this. I know he is. Garret: Oh, come on, Jordan. Where are you going? Jordan: To the body. Garret: You're joking, right? Jordan: No, my dad's life is on the line. Garret: Which is why this autopsy cannot be handled by you. You know that. Jordan: If the body shows evidence that he's innocent, then I need to see it. Garret: Fine. What if it doesn't? Jordan: Then I need to see that too. *Trace Evidence: Captain Malden* Bug: Three bllet wounds. One to the abdomen. Two to the chest. Jordan: What about this? Bug: Someone got him with three fingers of her left hand. Jordan: Her? Bug: Found traces of fingernail lacquer. (Jordan looks at her hand and matches her fingers up to the scratch marks.) Dr. Macy said look. But don't touch. Jordan: And you're my chaperon? Bug: He doesn't trust you, Jordan. Look, I'm--I'm sorry about your dad. I mean, really, I am. But Nigel got taken away in handcuffs and interrogated because of you. Jordan: I never meant for that to happen. Bug: Well, if you were really sorry, I wouldn't be getting pressured to help you now. Jordan: If it was your father, you'd be doing the same thing that I am. Bug: Not if I knew that he'd done it. (Jordan puts on latex gloves.) Jordan, you--you can't. Jordan: I just need to turn him over just to take a look. Three entry wounds, but only one exit wound. Bug: That's not unusual. Variations in tissue density, the bllet being redirected as it ricochets off bone. Jordan: Or bllts of different calibers. More than one gn would mean more than one sht. Lily: Jordan! You need to leave now. Jordan: But I'm not done yet. Lily: Uh, yes, you are. The DA's here. Jordan: Hey, Bug. Check those bllts for me, please. (Jordan leaves.) Walcott: Excuse me. We're securing this body. Bug: Well, there's a surprise. Boston PD: Interrogation Room* Capra: Oh, sorry. Uh, I thought the room was empty. I was just looking for a quiet place to savor the moment. Woody: Uh, it's--it's very quiet in here. Capra: Really, I-I wouldn't be interrupting? Woody: No, no. Actually you'd be saving me from myself. Capra: Yeah? How's that? Woody: I have a fear of being left alone in tiny rooms. Childhood trauma. I was ice-fishing with my brother, and he locked me in the shanty. Please, sit down. Capra: The detectives took over the break room. They're having a briefing on the Captain Malden case. Well, you probably should be in there too. Woody: I wasn't invited. Capra: Why not? You're a detective, right? Woody: Yeah, I was first on the scene on the Malden case. Capra: Really? Woody: I'm waiting to be debriefed by Detective Capra. Do you know who he is? Capra: I'm new here. Sorry, I was rude. I'm Ann. Woody: Ann, hi. I'm Woody, Woody Hoyt. Capra: Wow, first on scene. Woody: Yeah, I-I heard the shts. Capra: And you were there all by yourself without any backup. Woody: I didn't know a crime was being committed. I had to kick the door down to get in there. Capra: Because you wanted to protect the Captain? Woody: I was too late. He was already down. Capra: So that's when you called for backup? Woody: No, I don't know who called for backup. Capra: Hmm, interesting. Woody: Aw, man. Aw, jeez. You know, you picked a pretty crummy way to introduce yourself, Detective Capra. Capra: Didn't I mention my last name? Woody: No. You didn't. Capra: It sure would help us if you could at least tell us where his daughter might be. Jordan. She's wanted as a material witness. Woody: I have no idea. Scout's honor. ME Conference Room Walcott: As you may have observed, there have been some changes around here. Irregularities in the way evidence was handled in the Carl Jeffers case has caused a breach of trust between the DA's office and this department-- with the exception of Dr. Winslow, of course, who followed protocol and handed over a key piece of evidence. Captain Malden's death will be investigated in a rigorous and professional manner. For this reason, I've called in Dr. Horace Banner, whose reputation I'm sure you're all aware of, to personally carry out every phase of the autopsy. No one touches the body but him. And I mean no one. Furthermore, Jordan Cavanaugh, whom we are actively looking for, is barred access from the body and any information that it yields. I'll spell it out for you. If you even talk to her about this case, you'll be fired. That's all. Thank you. (Everyone get up to leave.) Dr. Winslow. I'm expecting some resistance among your peers on this case. Winslow: Okay. Walcott: I know you've had some personal problems in your past. I might be able to help you expunge that from your record. Of course, I could use a little help from you. (Camera pans and shows Garret standing in the doorway, listening.) Winslow: (Talking quietly) Yeah, okay. Garret: Renee. Who the hell do you think you are? Walcott: Actually, according to the laws of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, I'm your boss. And as such, you should know, I can terminate your employment. Garret: Fine, but don't you walk in here and insult my staff. Walcott: I'm doing what needs to be done. Garret: By setting up a police state? Why don't you put them in riot gear while you're at it? Walcott: The case against Max Cavanaugh is ironclad. No one here is going to screw it up. You brought this on yourself, Garret. Garret: This is about us, isn't it? Walcott: I'm not even going to dignify that. Garret: What happened last night can be explained. Walcott: If I was the least bit interested, maybe. Where's Jordan? Garret: How should I know? Walcott: Not good enough. You were with her at the hospital. Where did she go? Garret: What do you care, as long as she's not in the building? Walcott: I think she may know where he is. She's the key to closing this case. Garret: What happened to ironclad? Walcott: (Lily walks up behind Garret.) Oh, hello. Well, I'll leave you two alone. I'm sure you want your privacy. Lily: Got a minute? Garret: Can this wait? Lily: I'm sorry. It really can't. Garret: If this is about the kiss, it meant nothing. Lily: Well, it's not about the kiss. It's about Jordan. Garret: I can't talk about Jordan. Lily: You let her examine Malden's body. Garret: She needed my help. Lily: She's got problems, Garret. You're just--just enabling her. She's wanted in connection with a mrder, and you put Bug right in the middle-- (Garret walks in his office and slams the door in Lily's face. He picks up his phone and makes a call.) Jordan: (Cell phone ringing) Yeah. Garret: This whole looking-the-other-way thing isn't working for me. I'm bringing you in. Jordan: Look, Garret, I'm the only person out here who knows my dad is innocent. I will handle this in my own way. Garret: Don't be foolish, Jordan. Th-there's a manhunt for your dad. Your crazy brother's still out there somewhere. Jordan: I know what I'm doing. Garret: Uh-huh. And what exactly is that? Jordan: I'm on my way to see the only person I can count on right now to help me. Garret: Okay, I'll try not to take that personally. Jordan: Look, Garret, I will call you when I got something to tell you, okay? (While talking to Garret, Jordan is walking somewhere. After their conversation, she goes into the police station. Her brother James has been following her.) Woody's Office* Jordan: Hi. Woody: Hey. (Jordan and Woody hug.) Jordan: I need to find him, Woody. Woody: I know. We all do. Jordan: I need your help. Woody: Sure. But first there's something I gotta say. Jordan: Okay. Woody: You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney present during questioning now or in the future. Do you understand these rights? *Boston PD: Interrogation Room* Capra: You must be Jordan. Jordan: I must be. And that would make you? Capra: Annie Capra. You're a hard woman to find. Jordan: Yeah, it runs in the family. (Pan over to Woody watching on other side of glass.) Capra: (on the intercom) I've gathered. Jordan: (Jordan on intercom) Well, you don't look familiar. They bring you from out of town? Capra: First week in Boston, actually. I just happened to catch this case. Jordan: Oh. Capra: Who were you with at your place last night, Jordan? Neighbors heard loud voices a couple of hours before the mrder, yours and a man's. Jordan: That must have been the TV. Capra: I looked around. I didn't see a TV. Jordan: Oh, did I say TV? Capra: Mm-hmm. Jordan: I meant a radio. Capra: Was it Captain Malden? Jordan: Are you kidding? Capra: Video surveillance has you two leaving his precinct office. He had his arm around you. You appeared to be drunk. Jordan: You think we were having an affair. Capra: Were you? Jordan: Oh my...(Laughs) Capra: Your father was there yesterday too... at his office. He thrat him in front of at least half a dozen witnesses. Why? Jordan: I don't know. You'd have to ask him. Capra: I'll be sure to do that when I find him. Jordan: Look, I'm not feeling that talkative right now. Could we do this some other time? Capra: Sure. Jordan: Really? Capra: Mm-hmm, no problem. Jordan: Uh, then I can go? Capra: Yup. *Garret's Office* Winslow: Wanna see me? Garret: Dr. Winslow, take a walk with me, would you? Winslow: If we're back to you calling me Dr. Winslow, then I must have done something wrong. Garret: I'm just a little confused about something. I was hoping you'd clarify it for me. Winslow: Okay. Garret: This evidence you so willingly supplied to the DA's office. Winslow: What about it? Garret: Why did you do it? Winslow: Dr. Cavanaugh came to me. She asked me to do a ballistics check on a gn. She told me it was for a case that she was working on. She did not tell me that the gn was evidence, and that she just illegally pinched it from a crime scene. Garret: So why didn't you come to me? Winslow: With all due respect, sir, I thought you'd just cover for her. Anyway, my job was to follow the rules. If I don't follow the rules, I lose my job, remember? I'm speaking from experience. So I'm not about to risk my own neck for some rogue investigation. Garret: Okay, you need to understand something. Winslow: I do? Garret: Yeah, you do. This is a family. All of us a family. And every family needs trust. You have a problem with Jordan, you come to me, not the DA. Winslow: Okay, if we're such a family, then how come she lied to me? Garret: She obviously doesn't see you as a member of the family yet. Wonder why that is, Dr. Winslow. (Elevator door chimes.) Winslow: So I guess we're done here? Garret: Oh, yeah, we're done. *Woody's office* Huss: (Knocking on door) Detective Hoyt. Frank Huss. I'm with the Police Benevolence Association. I'm your rep. Woody: PBA, I wasn't expecting to see you guys till tomorrow. Huss: Yeah, well, justice never sleeps, huh? So you're being questioned in connection to the homicide of Captain Malden. Woody: Hi. Lady: Hi. Woody: You are? Huss: She's your attorney. Woody: Attorney. Lady: We understand you were the first respondent at the crime scene. Woody: Anything I tell you guys stays in this room, right? Lady: Absolutely. What'd you tell them so far? Woody: I-I told them the truth. Huss: So you really don't know where Max Cavanaugh is? Woody: Why would I know that? Lady: People have loyalties. They do favors for friends. A ten minute head start. That sort of thing. Woody: You guys sure you're my reps? Huss: There are things going on here you've got no idea about. Malden had a lot of favors owed to him. There are important people very interested in seeing the right man's brought to justice. Woody: Sounds like you're thrat me. Lady: (leaning over the desk at Woody) You like your job, Hoyt? You like being a cop? Woody: More than life itself, counselor. Lady: Then I'm sure you'll think real hard about everything we just said. Autopsy: Captain Malden* Bug: (to Nigel) They say he only sleeps two hours a night. He's like a bionic coroner. Banner: If you're gonna learn something, people, keep the chatter down. Three bllts entered the body. One here to the right abdomen, traversed the liver, crossed the midline before exiting just lateral of L4. Another one entered through the sternum, traveled through the lung, and lodged posteriorly in the fifth rib. A third bllet entered just below the left clavicle and narrowly missed the aortic arch. All of these wounds would have been survivable if not for the fact that bllet number three deflected off the third rib and lodged in the left ventricle of the heart. Ladies and gentlemen, the fatal bllet. Bug: That doesn't make sense. There isn't any-- Banner: Do you have a question, doctor? Bug: No. No, no question. Walcott: The striations are identical. The bllts are from the same gn. Banner: Precisely. A nine millimeter Glock semiautomatic. A standard police issue here in Boston. Walcott: The same one Max Cavanaugh was seen with at the scene of the crime. Thank you, Dr. Banner. Garret: Does this mean I can have my morgue back? Walcott: It's all yours. *Jordan's Loft* Walcott: What do you think you're doing here, Detective? Capra: Are you following me? Walcott: You let her go before I had a chance to talk with her. Capra: She wasn't really in a mood to talk. Besides... she can't very well lead me to the kller if she's in custody. Walcott: Do you think she knows where her father is? Capra: I'm not completely convinced he did it. Walcott: Is that why you asked IA for sealed grand jury testimony in a 30-year-old case against a man named Cahill? Capra: A lot of money went missing in that Cahill bust. Captain Malden, his dad partner, Max Cavanaugh, all working in the same investigation. I was curious. Walcott: You know what curiosity did, don't you? Capra: Meow. Walcott: This is a closed case. All we have to do is find Max Cavanaugh. Capra: Why'd he do it? Walcott: Jealousy, revenge. Doesn't matter. It's not my problem anymore. Then congratulations on your conviction, counselor. *ME Office* Nigel: Doctor. Bug: Dr.--Dr. C. Nigel: Hello, uh, we've got good news and bad news. Bug: Give her the bad news first. She's a pessimist. Nigel: Okay. Well, Dr. Banner determined that all three bllts came from the same gn, the one in Max's hand. Turns out it was Malden's gn. Jordan: God, I hope that's the bad news. Bug: Thankfully, yes. All right, give her the good news. Nigel: Well, normally we'd set up an HD screen and break out the gadgets with the flashing lights and funny noises to illustrate our point. Bug: But since we've been kicked out of the lab, you're just gonna have to take our word for it. Nigel: There's no hemorrhaging around the chest wounds. Jordan: What are you saying? Nigel: Well, as you know, the body's normal response to a gn is to immediately pump blood to the injured area, right? Well, in the case of his chest wounds, the pump was off. Bug: His heart had already stopped beating before the bllts entered the chest. Nigel: But the bllet through the abdomen, however, showed normal signs of hemorrhaging, meaning his heart was still pumping blood at that time. Jordan: Okay. Nigel: My guess is it would've taken him over a half an hour to bleed to death from that wound. Bug: And since Woody only heard two shts... Jordan: Malden had already been dad for half an hour. Nigel: Which means your father didn't kll him. Outside ME Building* (Someone dials a cell phone as soon as Jordan leaves the building.) Jordan: (Cell phone ringing) Yeah? Max: Jordan. Jordan: Where are you? Max: Across the street. (Jordan hangs up and goes to meet him.) Jordan: Dad. Oh, god, I'm so worried. Are you okay? Max: Never mind that. What matters is the cops are gonna ask you about Captain Malden's death. And when they do, you know nothing, understand? Jordan: What else would I say? I don't know anything. Max: What are you saying? Jordan: I-I went to see Malden last night. He drugged me. I woke up in an alleyway outside my apartment. Malden was dad, and you were the prime suspect. Max: Fine, then that's how it's gonna stay. Jordan: Wait, where are you going? Max: It's best I don't tell you. Jordan: Dad, why are you running? You didn't do this. I know you didn't. Max: You don't know anything, Jordan. Jordan: I just think you and I need to go to the police and straighten this out. You're taking the fall for James, aren't you? Look, I'm not gonna let you throw your life away, Dad, not for him. Max: It's not up to you. Trust me when I tell you, this is how it has to be. (Max leaves.) Woody's Office* Woody: What can I tell you, Jordan? You're a glutton for punishment. Jordan: At the risk of getting thrown in the slammer again, I need your help. Woody: I can barely help myself these days. Jordan: My dad didn't do it, Woody. Woody: Don't, Jordan. Don't put me in this position. Jordan: What position? Woody: He told me why, Jordan. Jordan: Why what? Woody: Why he put two slugs in Malden's body. Jordan: He did. Woody: Yes, to cover up a mrder. Jordan: He was protecting someone. Woody: Yes. You. He got a call at the bar that night. A man's voice told him that you had just sht Malden. He hung up, rushed over there. Malden was dad. You were gone. Jordan: Wait a minute. He thinks that I-- no, I--I couldn't have. Woody: You said Malden drugged you. That you woke up in an alley near your apartment. Now, I wanna believe you, Jordan, I do. Are you telling me that you could not have done this? Jordan: I-- Woody: Your father didn't get the jump on me. I let him walk. Now this whole city's on a manhunt for him. I took an oath to uphold the law. And now I don't know what I'm gonna do. Jordan: It was James. Woody: James. James, your phantom brother? The one only you and Max have seen? Jordan: He called my dad. He's the one who klled Malden. Woody: All right. Let's say that is the case. How do we prove it? Jordan: You're the detective, you tell me. *ME Office* Capra: Excuse me? You work in the lab? Nigel: Uh, yes I do. Bug: We do. Nigel: How can I help you, love? Capra: I'm Detective Capra, homicide. Wondering if you might be able to give me a hand with something. Nigel: Awfully busy right now. Bug: Yeah, real busy. Capra: I realize I posed it as a question, but I'm not really asking. Nigel: So what exactly am I sampling here? Capra: I'll tell you when I find what I'm looking for. Nigel: Fair enough. Okay, right, here we go. Here is Captain Malden's DNA. And over here we have the DNA from the mystery sample that you brought. And, uh-- all right, here we go. There you have it. They match. Okay, so now you know... whatever it is you wanted to know. Capra: I know who scratched Captain Malden's neck. Bug: And who might that be? Capra: Dr. Cavanaugh. The hospital took scrapings from under her fingernails. Mystery samples. They match Malden's. James: (wearing a police uniform) Excuse me? I'm looking for a Dr. Cavanaugh. Garret: Is there something I can help you with, officer? James: Walcott wants to see her again. I'm supposed to pick her up. Garret: Last time I heard from her, she was with Detective Hoyt. You might want to try reaching her through him. James: Thanks. I'll do that. *Max's Pub* Jordan: So, uh, you got here at what, 10:00? 10:15 the other night? Woody: It was about ten after. It was no more than a half-hour before he got the call. Jordan: Oh, okay. Well, let's just hope that he wasn't cheap enough not to sign up for caller I.D. Uh-- we have a call here at 10:27. But it's blocked. Woody: Well, that doesn't help us. Let's get outta here. Jordan: Sure it does. Every call gets billed to someone. We just call the phone company, and they'll cross-reference the time of the call with this number. That should give us a billing address. Woody: Oh, and they're just gonna give that information to anyone. Just like that. Jordan: But not just anyone, but they will to a cop. Woody: I'm in the penalty box here, Jordan. (Jordan sighs) No. Jordan: Yeah-- Woody: No. Jordan: Please. Woody: No. Jordan: One time. Woody: Give me this phone. *ME Office* Nigel: This new detective, she's very cagey. I mean, she lured us into a trap. She used her, uh-- Garret: Her Vulcan mind meld? Bug: She didn't tell us that she suspected Jordan. She--she sandbagged us. Nigel: There was no way we--we could hide the evidence. No way. Garret: I'm running a lunatic asylum. It is not any part of your job to conceal forensic results from the Boston police department or its representatives. Furthermore-- (Knocking) Walcott: Some tissue samples belonging to Jordan Cavanaugh were taken from the hospital this morning by Detective Capra. I want to know what she's done with them. Garret: Why don't you ask her? Walcott: I'm asking you. Garret: Give us a minute, will you, fellas? Walcott: Where's Jordan? Garret: I don't know. (Walcott goes to leave.) Sure, just walk away, Renee. Walcott: Is there something else you want to tell me? Garret: No. Just always wanted to say that. You know, I actually like you, although you don't give me much reason to sometimes. I just wanted to say that... it was a mistake, what happened with Miss Lebowski. Walcott: Well, I'd hate to think what might have happened if you were on a first name basis. Garret: I don't want it to get in the way-- (Sighs) Of what we could be. Walcott: Tell you what. Let's take a little breather and reassess when things have cooled off a bit. Garret: Sounds very adult. Walcott: Hmm. Dr. Winslow. Can I have a word with you? Winslow: Sure, why not? Walcott: You wouldn't happen to have seen Detective Capra here, snooping around? Winslow: Nope, I haven't. Walcott: Oh. Winslow: You know what? And even if I had, these people are my colleagues and they're my friends. So I'm not interested in being your nark. Sorry, picked the wrong guy. Garret: Look, Peter, those things I said about, uh, being a family? Winslow: Yeah. Garret: The truth is, I do play favorites. And I shouldn't. Especially when it comes to Jordan. I tend to look the other way. I think I'm just too tired to fight it half the time, you know? Anyway... I'm sorry. I'll see you in autopsy two at 8:00 A.M. Sharp. Winslow: Good night, Dr. Macy. *Heading to an apartment* Woody: I can't believe I had to give them my social security and badge number. Any monkey with a typewriter could trace this back to me. Jordan: No one's tracing anything back to anyone. Uh, this is it. Woody: I can't wait to meet this brother of yours. Sh sh sh sh sh. You hear that? (Rustling) (Woody draws his gn and then they enter the apartment. Capra is in the apartment pointing a gn towards Woody.) Capra: So let me get this straight. Your father, in an attempt to protect you, because he thought you klled Malden, fired two shts into his already-dad body. Jordan: Exactly. Capra: And now you're looking for your long-lost brother who, as far as anybody knows, doesn't legally exist, because you think he's the one that actually committed the mrder? Jordan: That's pretty much the theory, yeah. Capra: Is it me? Woody: I know it seems a little hinky, but, uh, believe me, once you get to spend a little time with Jordan, it makes complete sense. Capra: The truth is, I don't really think your father did it either. To be honest, I've been working under the theory that it was you. Jordan: It's nice to know where I stand. Capra: The room was registered to a James Blanchard. Paid cash. And of course, there's this. (They go to the window) Jordan: I can see my apartment from here. Capra: So could he. He had binoculars. The place looks like a mess, but it's deceptive. It's clean, he's covered his tracks. Woody: I'll get a CSU unit to look for any traces. Jordan: (Looking around, she goes over to a phonebook.) Make sure they see this. There's an accidental crease here. Woody: Airline charters. Econo-flight out of Chatham. Jordan: I can be there in half an hour. Capra: Dr. Cavanaugh, forget it. You're a material witness in this case. I'm gonna call the state police, tell them to stop all outgoing traffic at Chatham field. Woody: She's right, Jordan. Jordan: After all this, I'm not stopping now. Woody: You wanna bet? Jordan: Come on, Woody. You can't do this to me. Woody: I promise we will get him. Jordan: But I'm the only one who can ID him. Woody: Something tells me we'll figure it out. Jordan: That's exactly what he wants you to think, but he's smarter than that. Come on, Woody. Woody: Please get in the car, please? Please, thank you. (Jordan gets into the squad car.) Get her home, and don't let her talk you into anything. Thank you. Driver: Yes, sir. Capra: (into police radio) Suspect is wanted in connection with the mrder of a police officer. Proceed with extreme caution. Woody: Your car or mine? Capra: I'm new in town. You want to get lost? Woody: My car. (Siren wailing) Police officer: Hey, sorry it took so long. We had an officer carjacked. You, uh, call for backup? (Woody and Capra look at each other realizing Jordan has just been kidnapped. They run to Woody's car.) Police Car* Jordan: Excuse me? Uh, why are we taking Commonwealth? I told you I live in Charlestown. Did you hear me? Hey, you're going the wrong way. James: Relax... sis. Thought we'd take a little family trip. Jordan: Why are you doing this? James: Now, there's the question of the last 38 years. Why? Why did our own parents do this to us? Why are you and I so similar? Jordan: Where's my father? James: How the hell should I know? He's probably running as far as he can. That's what cowards do. (Siren wailing) Police radio: Stolen police car. Spotted going westbound through the Callahan tunnel. Woody: That's three blocks from here. (into radio) Do not pursue suspect. I repeat, do not pursue suspect. Drop back and follow, just keep him in your sights. (to Capra) Hang on. (Siren wailing) James: Get out. We're here. Jordan: Where are you taking me? James: I wanna show you something. (Her forces Jordan into a freight elevator by holding a gn to her.) Police radio: The suspect has abandoned the vehicle at a construction site at 119 Decatur and has taken a hostage with him up the freight elevator. James: I thank god I found you. My whole life, I thought I was going through this alone. But I wasn't. There's a lot of comfort in that, don't you agree? (They get off elevator) Looks like we have company. Jordan: Where are we? Why did you bring me here? James: They're renovating it now. But this used to be an apartment building. Oh, not a very nice one. A dump, really. The kind of place you live when you can't afford to live anywhere else. Jordan: I don't understand. James: I brought you here because I wanted you to see where I grew up. I want you to know me. (Woody and Capra arrive) This used to be my room. This is where I spent the first 15 years of my life. I used to stare out of this window. When they were fighting. Fighting about how they lost it all. Fighting about me. They didn't understand why they didn't love me. Couldn't love me. And it was really very simple. I wasn't theirs. I wasn't blood. I just didn't know it yet. Capra: You think it's the brother? Woody: Yeah. It's her brother. Jordan: James, I don't know what you've done. But this isn't the way. I know you're in pain. (Door opens) Woody: Drop that wapon! Jordan: Stay back! James: They klled her, Jordan. They klled our mother. They destroyed both our lives. Woody: Drop that wapon, James, and let her go. She's your sister. James: That's right. You're my only family now. My only blood. The only person who'll understand. (He jumps up on a ledge) Jordan: That's right, James. I do understand. That's why I'm the only one who can help you, okay? Just come back inside. Woody: Move, Jordan. Jordan: I promise I won't let anything happen to you. Woody: Jordan. Move! James: Come with me. Jordan: What? James: Come with me. We can do this together. We don't belong here. Woody: Move, Jordan, so I can get a clean sht. (Helicopter in background) Police in helicopter: This is the Boston police! Jordan: No, don't sh*t! Police in helicopter: Drop your wapon and step down from the window ledge! Jordan: Don't do it, please. I want to understand. I want to help you. James: I'm sorry I wasn't a better brother. (James jumps-or better yet falls- backwards then water splashes) *Max's Bar* Woody: (on cell phone) Yeah, yeah, I'll tell her. I'm with her right now. Thanks. They still haven't recovered the body. I don't know. They say people have been known to survive falls like that. Walcott is not gonna press charges against Max. She's says there's too much reasonable doubt to try him. Jordan: Well, that's big of her. Look, Woody, uh, I'm sorry, but I'd kinda like to be alone right now. Woody: I understand. I'll see you later? Jordan: Yeah. (Woody leaves, Max comes in from the back) Max: I can't lie to you anymore, Jordan. I won't do it. Jordan: Good. Max: Because you're not gonna ask me any more questions. You understand? Jordan: Has any of it been true? Max: It's true that I love you! That I always have! And that's the only thing that's important. That's the only thing that's real. (Max leaves and Jordan cries)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "03x01 - Devil May Care"}	foreverdreaming
*Scene where body was found* Female Newscaster: The body of millionaire Davis Perry was found early this morning in Boston Common, the apparent victim of a mugging gone awry. Dr. Cavanaugh, from the medical examiner's office, what can you tell us? Jordan: Weather report calls for rain, but hey, don't believe everything you hear. Woody: How many of you guys were on duty at the time-- actually, hold that thought. I'll be right back. Jordan! Top o' the mornin' to ya. Jordan: Yeah. These people need to get a life. Woody: Yeah, well, they're all wishing they had his. Davis Perry, 42 years old, lived yonder in the Chadwick Towers. His wallet was missing, but we did ID him off of this. Jordan: (reading): "World United Charities." Woody: Seems Mr. Perry was quite the do-gooder. Jordan: Anybody worth a gazillion dollars oughta be spreading the wealth. Lividity's set. He's been dad at least eight hours. Two gn wounds to the chest. Only one stayed at the party. Woody: I'll have my boys look for the other bllet. Jordan: There's no soil on his shoes. But these scratch marks here, they're drag marks. Perry wasn't klled here. Woody: It seems that death is not a bed of roses. What do you make of these, Jordan? Track marks from a golf cart? Jordan: Or a car. Woody: Mr. Gerloff. Jake Gerloff, head of security here at Chadwick Towers, this is Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh of the medical examiner's office. Those cars, who do they belong to? Gerloff: The towers maintain a fleet of 30. Woody: Who has access to them? Gerloff: Every resident and all the staff. Jordan: Well, that narrows things down. (cell phone ringing) Excuse me. Cavanaugh. Male voice: Don't take things at face value. Jordan: I never do. Who is this? (silence) Look, pal, tying up an ME's phone line while you do the one-hand salute is kinda like a felony, so please-- Male voice: That's not where he died. Jordan: How do you figure that? Male voice: Do your job, you'll see. Jordan: Oh, but you're doing it so well for me. Unless you're just a reporter fishing around for information. Male voice: There's a pair of cufflinks in his left pants pocket. (Jordan goes for the right pocket) I said left. Now do you believe me? {Crossing Jordan Intro} *Scene where body was found* Jordan: This guy was no crank, Woody. He knew too much--about the body, the cufflinks. Woody: Why you? Jordan: That news reporter, uh, she said my name. They must have been reporting live. Woody: Ten seconds on the internet, he could have gotten your phone number. You sure he was watching you? Jordan: Could still be, for all I know. Some sick cat-and-mouse game. Woody: All right, well, I'll put a trace on your phone. But if he calls again-- Jordan: I know, I know. Keep him on the line as long as possible. Woody: No, I wasn't going to say that. Don't piss him off. If he is our kller, it could make things worse. Jordan: Don't worry, I know how to play nice. I do, really. Morse Federal Prison* (Bell ringing) (Cell door slams shut) Detective: I thought you had the thankless job of grim reaper. Lily: It's grief counselor, Detective, and it's far from thankless. Garret: The department requires Ms. Lebowski to do 80 hours of field work. Detective: Ah. Watch and learn, sweetheart. Garret: (muffled) Sweetheart? (Walk into cell with body hanging in a noose) Benz: This is how I found him. Garret: What time was that? Benz: 0600--we do a cell check every two hours. Lily: Who is he? Benz: Not sure. Picked him up at Logan nine months ago using a fake passport. He'd flown in from Sudan, didn't speak English. Lily: So you don't even know his name? Benz: Couldn't pronounce the one on his passport, so we called him Kenny. Detective: How'd he land in solitary? Benz: Prisoner refused to eat. Disobeyed orders. Garret: You mean orders in English? Detective: Any other prisoners have access to him? Benz: No, not in here. Detective: Well, this was a wasted trip. You find anything funky, Dr. Macy, give me a call. His personal effects. (Hands manila envelope to Lily) My gift to you, grief counselor. Garret: Let's get him down. (Lily pulls a medal from the envelope) *Trace Evidence Davis Perry* Garret: Nice sound bite this morning, Jordan. Jordan: "No comment" just seemed too easy. Garret: You oughta give easy a try sometime. How's it going? Jordan: I'm placing time of death somewhere between 10 pm and 1:00 this morning. Garret: The fundraiser ended at 10:30. Jordan: Oh, you were there? Garret: Yeah, I get invited to these things all the time. And I go when it's a good cause. Jordan: Oh, life as a big mucky-muck. You see Perry there? Garret: From afar. We didn't exactly run in the same circles. Jordan: Guy really had the life. Most eligible bachelor in Boston, worth zillions of dollars. Garret: That's right, so there'll be lots of eyes on this. Keep it by-the-book. Jordan: Sure, take all the fun out of it. Hey, pass me one of those scrapers, please? Garret: What'd ya find? Jordan: Looks like... blood and tissue, indicative of a struggle. Garret: I'll have Sidney run it. Jordan: All right, thanks. Nigel: Hi Jordan, some cheeky bastard left you a message. But he didn't leave his name. Jordan: (reading message) "Check the far left dumpster behind the west tower." Go find Woody, let him know about this. Let the games begin. *Chadwick Towers- West* (In elevator) Woody: Did you see Mr. Perry come back from the fundraiser? Gerloff: No, no, but he, uh, he always used the private resident entrance rather than the main lobby. Woody: I'd like to see the surveillance tapes for that entrance, please. Gerloff: So would I, but, unfortunately, the cameras were disabled while we overhaul the security system. The design of this place is a little bit more form than function. Woody: Sounds safer in my $700-a-month apartment. Gerloff: Yeah, well, now, the new system can withstand a trror1st attck: Full security lock-down, scrambled phone frequency-- (elevator bell chimes) It's basically one giant safe house. This is Mr. Perry's right here. Woody: (cell phone ringing) This is Hoyt. Hey, What's up, Nigel? I'm on it. (To Gerloff) Before we go inside, could you take me to the garbage dumpsters behind the west tower? *ME's Office* Lily: Nigel, you were in the military, right? Nigel: Counterintelligence for the royal navy. I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kll you. Lily: What do you make of this? (Hands the medal to Nigel) Nigel: Oh, cool. Queen Victoria Medal of Honor. It's a 1898, that's during the Sudan wr, led by the great Kitchener of Khartoum, or K of K, as he was more commonly known. Lily: How you know this stuff is beyond me. Nigel: It's all part of the Townsend mystique, luv. Hey, look, there's some initials here: AS. Lily: Can you find out who it belonged to? Nigel: I could do some research, come up with a list of honorees. Lily: You're a dream. Nigel: (laughing) Yeah, a regular genie in a bottle. *Trace Evidence: Kenny* Bug: Infected ulcers on both legs, inflammation around the ankles and knees. Garret: There's also swelling on the wrists and severe abdominal bruising. Bug: None of this is indicative of a hanging. Garret: No, but it's all consistent with physical abuse. Lily: What about this? Garret: That's older than nine months. Bug: Facial scarification is common amongst African tribes. It's usually part of an initiation rite, like a boy's journey into manhood. Garret: This is weird. Ligature abrasions are bland. Lily: Why's that weird? Bug: Blood flowing to the brain usually causes a pinkish discoloration. Garret: But if the blood had already stopped flowing... Lily: You mean like, if he was already dad? Bug: Kenny didn't hang himself. Someone else did. Chadwick Towers West Garbage Dumpster* ~Woody is in dumpster looking through the trash~ Gerloff: What is it you're looking for? Woody: I'm hoping I'll know that when I see it. Huh. All right. Oh, yeah. Got somethin' here. If I could just hook it with my foot. Come on. Come to papa. Come on. I almost got it--ah, man. (Squishing noises: Woody disappears into dumpster. A gn reaches over the top of the dumpster and then Woody appears) That's why I get paid the big bucks. Boston Precinct: Interrogation* Detective: We have the same job, you and I. We're trying to keep the peace. But sometimes the stress can make you overreact, am I right? Benz: I used necessary and appropriate force. Garret: And that excuses Kenny's bruises, bleeding, lesions, and swollen joints? Benz: Well, some days I watch 50, 60 inmates. I got a right to protect myself. Detective: What about Kenny's rights? Benz: He was an illegal, he didn't have any. Garret: I think you wanted to teach him a lesson, but things got out of hand. You went beyond necessary and appropriate, and you klled him. Detective: But hey you were just doing your job, you shouldn't have to take the fall. So you rigged the fake su1c1de to get yourself off the hook. Benz: It's a nice fairy tale. Garret: Stick to your story as long as you want, but eventually, the dad always talk. *ME's Office* Lily: Two names on the list matched the initials on the medal. Nigel: Aman Sidra, Abraham Sawa. Lily: But facial scarification is most common among the Dinka tribe of southern Sudan. And that was Abraham Sawa's tribe. Nigel: Right, so now all you gotta do is to track his lineage. Lily: To find his 22-year-old great great great great grandson. Nigel: Great work, Nancy Drew. Lily: Whatever family Kenny has, they deserve to know what happened to him. (Door closes) Oh! How did it go with the prison guard? Garret: He's playing hard to get, but that just makes me want him all the more. Bug: Lily, Dr. Macy, you need to see this. (Hangs x-ray up) I was looking for broken bones, healed fractures, anything signaling abuse. You see that? Garret: More like what don't I see. There are no ossification centers at either end of the clavicle. Lily, how old did you say Kenny was? Lily: Twenty-two, according to his file. Why? Bug: When we're born, our clavicle is pure cartilage. As we get older, we grow ossification centers that fuse into bones. This generally happens at age 17. Garret: Which means Kenny couldn't have been 22. He probably wasn't even 17 yet. Lily: He was just a kid. Bug: Yeah, stuck in an adult prison. Lily: How in the world did this happen? Garret: Let's open him up and find out. *Chadwick Towers West* (Elevator bell chimes) Jordan: Caliber seems to match the bllet holes in Perry's chest. I'll know for sure after an autopsy. (Entering Perry's apartment) Nigel: If someone offered me free rent, I wouldn't say no. Jordan: Before you move in, let's see if it's our crime scene. Guy was quite the art collector. Nigel: Lucky bastard even had TiVo. Woody: Cleaning lady coulda been doing a better job. Jordan: What, did you find something, Woody? Woody: Broken piece of DVD. Musta gotten two thumbs down. Nigel: Hm, I'll see if I can reconstruct some frames. Jordan: Hey, Woody, these look like drag marks to you? Woody: Can't really tell in this light. (Blinds start to go up) Jordan: Hey! There could be arterial spatter on those. Gerloff: Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought-- Woody: Thank you, Mr. Gerloff, thank you. We got it from here, thanks. Jordan: (Cell phone ringing) Cavanaugh. Male voice: The snake is gone. Jordan: Oh, I bet you're really getting off on this, aren't you? Leading us around by our noses. Woody: Jordan, Jordan, is that our guy? Don't piss him off. Don't piss him off. Male voice: You see the aboriginal painting, the alligator? A snake used to hang there. Jordan: Oh, is, uh, is that why you klled Perry, for a lousy painting? (Jordan signals to Woody to take the painting down. There is a bllet in the wall.) Male voice: You find something? Jordan: Yeah, you know we did. Since you're the one who put it there. (Jordan sees a guy who's looking right at her and talking on a cell phone in the adjacent tower who runs when he sees Jordan looking at him) Oh, you son of a bitch. (Jordan runs out) Woody: Jordan! Chadwick Towers: East* (Elevator bell chimes) Jordan: It's got to be this one. Open up! I know you're in there! Woody: Open up, Boston PD! Watch out, he could be armed. Jordan: I'm with this crazy cop who you do not want to piss off, so if you know what's good for you, open the door. (Door unlocks) Woody: Hands, let me see your hands. Jordan: (Phone beeping) Gotta love redial. (Cell phone ringing) Game over, pal. Woody: I'm Detective Woody Hoyt, Boston PD. You already spoke with Jordan Cavanaugh. Now who the hell are you? Louis: Louis Jeffries. Jordan: Louis Jeffries, the artist? Louis: You can put the gn away. I'm no kller. Woody: You're about to get your 15 minutes down at the station, Andy Warhol. Louis: I can't go. Woody: I don't think it's really your call. Louis: No--no, I can't! Look, I've klled no one. Jordan: Then explain the cryptic phone calls. Woody: You a peeping tom? Is that what's going on around here? Louis: I'm an artist. I observe. Woody: Observe. Peep. Same difference. You're still going in. Jordan: Hey, you all right? Louis: I'm having some trouble breathing. Woody: Come on, Jordan, I've seen better acting in reality television. Jordan: Woody, stop, he's hyperventilating. Louis: I can't leave! Jordan: Louis, Louis, you look at me. Look at me. Take deep breaths. Slow, nice and slow. Slow it down. It's okay. Nice and easy, slow and deep. Walking Outside* Lily: Once I knew his real name, took me all of ten minutes to learn the rest. Kenier Sawa of Darfur, Sudan. His father died a political prisoner, his mother was rped and mrder in a military coup. And get this, Garret, he was only 15. Garret: Well, who decided he was 22? Lily: Immigrations and customs enforcement, a.k.a. Homeland Security. They used a dental exam with a three-year margin of error, or, in this case, seven years. You are the meatball grinder. I am the tofurkey burger. Garret: Tofurkey? Lily: Fake turkey. You want to try? Garret: I'd rather eat sand. I'm halfway through Kenny's autopsy-- Lily: Kenier. Garret: His liver was ruptured, most likely from a sharp blow to the abdomen. Another strike against our corrections officer. Lily: You know what gets me? If Homeland Security had just placed Kenier in a juvenile facility, he'd probably still be alive. Garret: You're right, but there's nothing we can do about it now. Lily: Oh, yeah? Watch me. *Chadwick Towers: East* Woody: Agoraphobia, what is that, like a fear of heights? Jordan: It's a fear of going outside. Woody: You freaked out because you didn't wanna leave your apartment? Louis: I haven't been outside in over two years. Jordan: You still have a lot of explaining to do. Louis: I saw something strange in Perry's apartment last night. I-it wasn't until I saw the news this morning that I realized that he'd been mrder. I had to tell someone, but I didn't want to get involved. Woody: You actually saw Perry mrder? Louis: No, but I saw him arguing with this guy. And he was wearing a tuxedo also. Pretty soon after that, I saw Perry come out with what looked like, uh, blood on his chest. And before I could tell for sure, h-he disappeared behind the blinds. Woody: What time was this? Louis: Uh, 11:30. Jordan: How did you know about the gn in the dumpster? Louis: You found the gn? Woody: We found a gn. Louis: I saw somebody messing around the dumpster about half an hour later. Looked like they were trying to bury something. It was weird. Woody: Did you see who it was? Louis: It was too dark. Jordan: Would you be able to describe this tuxedo guy? Louis: I can do you one better. (Hands sketch to Jordan) Jordan: Wow, an original Louis Jeffries. Louis: I hope it helps. ME's Office* Lily: The first panic attck is usually triggered by some stressful event. Agoraphobes live in constant fear of that panic returning, of losing control. It's a lot more common than people think, but since agoraphobes never leave the house... Jordan: Out of sight, out of mind. Thanks, Lily. Woody: Don't tell me you're buying into this whole Macaulay Culkin, "Home Alone" routine. Jeffries knows way too much about the victim, he's got some crock-pot alibi-- Jordan: I don't know if he klled Perry or not, but I saw the fear in his eyes during that attck, Woody. It was real. Woody: Jordan, the guy is a freak show! Jordan: Spoken like a man without any problems. Woody: What are you talking about? I got problems. Jordan: I didn't mean deciding what tie to wear this morning. Woody: What's the matter with this tie? Jordan: I'm just saying that maybe the rest of the world isn't quite as, uh, well-adjusted as you are. Woody: All I'm saying is that all we have is Jeffries' word for it. And this drawing? I mean, come on, for all we know, tuxedo guy is just another figment of this guy's overactive imagination. (Jordan pulls the newspaper off of a sleeping Nigel's face) Nigel: I'm working, really. The DVD re-image is calibrating. Jordan: Chill, Nige. (Looking in the paper, seeing a picture of a person resembling the sketch.) Still think he's a freak show? Mr. Saunders' Office* Saunders: Who drew this? Woody: You denying that it's you? Saunders: No, it's a fine likeness. My compliments to the artist. Woody: You're not denying that you were at Perry's apartment last night? Saunders: Davis forgot his humanitarian award. I went by to drop it off. Woody: Heard things got a little...heated? Saunders: The award was a surprise, and Davis got upset that the evening became about him. Woody: What time did you leave his apartment? Saunders: Maybe 11:00? I remember talking to the security guard, saying good-bye as I left. Nigel: Do you save the whales? Woody: (under his breath) Nigel. (Cell phone ringing) Excuse me. Nigel: With your permission, Mr. Saunders, I'd like to get a DNA sample. Saunders: If you must. Nigel: Open sesame. Cheers. Woody: Sorry about that. What can you tell us about this girl, right there? Saunders: Nicole Wheeler, she was Davis' girlfriend. Beautiful, but a handful. Woody: You know where we could find her? Saunders: No. She was heading to Davis' last night as I was leaving. Woody: Mr. Saunders, thank you very much for your time. Saunders: Certainly. Woody: That was Jordan on the phone. The blood found under Perry's fingernails was female. Nigel: Beautiful but a handful, indeed. *ME's Office* Garret: I'll take care of it. Hartwig: Thank you. (to Lily) Ms. Lebowski. Garret: My office. Now. That's just the way I like to end my day, with a visit from Homeland Security telling me to leash my employee. Lily: I had to do something, Garret. Garret: What, by going over my head? The last thing I need in this morgue is another loose cannon. Lily: Kenier shouldn't have been in that prison. He was a kid. Someone had to stand up for him, Garret, someone has to make sure that his life meant something. Garret: Yeah, and we do that by doing our jobs. The police do their part, we do ours. We're gonna get the son of a bitch who klled this boy. But emotions creep in, and mistakes get made. Lily: So I'm supposed to care, but not too much? Garret: There's a way to do things. There are systems in place-- Lily: The system let Kenier down! Garret: Every system has cracks, Lily. The sooner you accept that-- Lily: No, I can't. I won't. Garret: Just do your job, Lily. Nothing more, nothing less. Lily: Just like you, Dr. Macy? Chadwick Tower East: Apt. 901E* (Knock on door) Louis: (Beeping) Come in. Jordan: You can't exactly pretend you're not home. Louis: I've been expecting you. Jordan: You have? Louis: Yeah. We both have something in common. An inquisitive nature. Jordan: Did you know you have the same floor plan as Perry? (Jordan goes over and looks through a telescope) Louis: See, you are inquisitive. Jordan: I have one of your prints in my apartment. They're a lot more colorful in person. Louis: Like most things. Can I get you a drink? Jordan: Oh, water's fine. I'm still on the clock. Louis: Something tells me you're never off. Jordan: You sure you didn't see anyone else in the apartment that night? A woman maybe? Louis: No. Why? [Pouring drinks] Jordan: We found female blood under Perry's fingernails. Louis: That doesn't surprise me. Perry's bedroom should've had a revolving door on it. Don't worry, I'm no pervert. I never watched. Jordan: Oh, I don't know, I might've. Look, I have to ask. What happened? I mean, you were the "it" guy of the new York art scene. Any artist would have cut off his left ear to have your life. Louis: One minute I'm the cliched struggling artist, the next, somebody dubbed me the new basquiat. Cut to opening in Soho three years later... I'm watching these chardonnay-swilling experts rejecting me based on their own dislike of the color green, and I snapped. Couldn't breathe, my chest got tight, I felt dizzy. Jordan: That must've been scary. Louis: I thought I was dying. The next day, I moved back to Boston. Jordan: Relocating to avoid your problems. I've been there. Louis: Pretty soon, I just stopped going out, period. Now, somehow, this...fear has become my muse. While out there... Jordan: At least out there, you don't have to face life alone. Louis: That would require trust. Which leads me to ask... what are you really doing here? Jordan: I need to know that you had nothing to do with Perry's mrder Louis: Well, trust me, Dr. Cavanaugh... I didn't. Jordan: It's Jordan. And if I find out that you did... Lab* Bug: I checked Kenier's eyes under the stereo microscope. His retinas were seriously deteriorated. Garret: He was almost blind. There's no way that could have been caused by physical abuse. Bug: No, but it does explain his bad attitude. I mean, poor kid not only couldn't communicate, he could barely see a foot in front of him. Garret: He wasn't the only one not seeing clearly. It's a cross-section of Kenier's liver. Check it out. Bug: Crescent-shaped blood cells? He had sickle-cell anemia. I mean, that explains everything: the leg ulcers, the swelling. Garret: Benz didn't kll him, sickle cell did. ME's Office* Woody: [Elevator bell chimes] I tried calling you last night. Jordan: I went to see Louis Jeffries. Woody: Without me? Jordan: He's an eyewitness, Woody. He's not the bad guy. So why'd you call? Woody: Perry's girlfriend's conveniently disappeared. I got an APB out on her. I presume Jeffries, being one of them there good-looking artsy-fartsy types, had nothing to do with your little house call last night. Jordan: By the way, how is Devan? Woody: Dr. Maguire? How should I know? Nigel: Woody! I finally finished those prints. Took me bloody forever, but you were spot on. Woody: I knew it! I knew it! Jordan: What? Nigel: Guess whose fingerprints I found on a crystal vase in Perry's apartment? Jordan: Jimmy Hoffa? Nigel: Even better. Louis Jeffries, your alleged agoraphobe. *Chadwick Tower East: Apt. 901E* Louis: It's a mistake. Woody: Forensics don't lie, right, Jordan? Jordan: Louis, we matched prints from the drawing you gave us to ones found on a vase found in Perry's apartment. Louis: A crystal vase? Jordan: Yeah. Louis: A couple of weeks ago, an airmail package got delivered here by accident. They got 901 west mixed up with 901 east. I opened it up and I saw the vase, then I knew it wasn't mine, so I called the courier to come pick it up. Woody: And they'll have records showing this, right? Louis: How should I know? Woody: Now, what about this little qwinky-dink? A photo with you with Perry's missing girlfriend? Jordan: You know Nicole Wheeler? Louis: We dated, sort of. I broke it off months ago. Jordan: Wow, you really had me going, Louis. Just a good samaritan tryin' to help out. Turns out you were covering for your ex. Louis: Okay, yes, I did see Nicole there, at Perry's that night. Jordan: You lied. Louis: Only because I knew that she had nothing to do with this. Woody: So you still have feelings for her. Louis: No, I-- she was a groupie. When I stopped going out, she kept me company, ran errands. We hooked up for a little while, but... she became fixated on Perry. She'd watch him for hours. That's when I kicked her out. Woody: Right, she's the crazy one. Louis: I am not crazy! (breaks something) Woody: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think we just touched a nerve, Jordan. Jordan: Yeah, must've been hard watching your ex get it on with another guy. If you were the jealous type, it might've pushed you right over the edge. Woody: Or right out the front door, which is exactly where you're going. Louis: No, no, I can't! You know I can't go! Woody: Actually, the law says I can make you go. Louis: No. You've got nothing on me! You arrest me, and I'll be back here in an hour. Woody: Well, Jordan, I don't think he's a flight risk. But I'm still putting a uniform in the lobby. Let me tell you something. Perry's girlfriend shows up, you're gonna be trading this prison for a cold, damp one. *ME's Office: Conference Room* Detective: I leaned on Benz till he came clean. He said Kenny threw a fit, crying, screaming. Bug: Sickle cell blocks the flow of blood through narrow vessels. It can be quite painful. Detective: Benz roughed him up to quiet him down. Next thing he knew, Kenny went limp and stopped breathing. Benz panicked, faked the hanging. Garret: Okay, he didn't kll Kenny, but don't tell me you're letting him off the hook? Detective: No, he's being charged with criminal misconduct for faking the su1c1de. Bug: Kenier was really sick. How could nobody have noticed? Lily: Nobody cared. Everybody was just doing their jobs, nothing more, nothing less. Detective: Except for me. You're gonna love me for this. Lily: Can't wait. Detective: I found a note in Kenny's immigration file. It mentions a possible relative living here in Boston. Lily: Is there a name, anything to go on? Detective: No, nothing you could make heads nor tails of. Me, on the other hand... it's Asmina Chol. She lives over in Randolph. She's the kid's aunt. Lily: Detective. You have restored my faith in humanity. Asmina Chol's Apartment* Asmina: My people were a proud tribe. But after years of wr, no more cattle, no more land, no more dignity. All Sudan offered kenier was death. In America, there was such hope. Lily: Ms. Chol, Kenier didn't belong in that prison. I've contacted a lawyer who said that you have grounds for a negligence lawsuit against the prison and Homeland Security-- Asmina: But I'm not legal. I do that, they will send me back to Sudan. That's why I didn't come forward when he was arrested. Bug: You knew Kenier was in Boston? Asmina: I arranged for his trip. I live here with my cousin's family, and they said that Kenier and Malik could live with us. Lily: Who's Malik? Asmina: Kenier's younger brother. Bug: Sickle cell anemia is genetic. It's very likely his brother has it too. Lily: Is Malik here, can we talk to him? Asmina: No. Your authorities have him as well. Autopsy: Davis Perry* Garret: Heard the Perry case took a turn. Jordan: Yeah, right off a cliff. We have Louis Jeffries' prints on the scene. His ex-girlfriend was Perry's current girlfriend, and his only alibi is that he was psychologically incapable of leaving his own apartment. Garret: So what's the problem? Jordan: My own bruised ego. I really bought this guy's act. Garret: Well, swallowing pride never choked anyone, Jordan. Jordan: Yeah, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I came back to the body hoping it would prove me right, but the trajectory of Perry's wounds only confirms that the sht was Jeffries' height. Nigel: Woody traced Nicole Wheeler to her mum's place in Vermont. They've extradited her to Boston. She's down at the station. Jordan: It's about time. Nigel: Um, Jordan... you know that DVD that we found down at Perry's place? Jordan: Yeah. Nigel: I was able to digitize a single frame. And, um... I think woody needs to see this. (He hands printout of picture to Jordan) ME's Office** Garret: Hey. Lily: Hey yourself. Garret: Look, Lily-- Lily: If you're going to apologize, Garret, don't bother. You're right. I'm Don Quixote, chaser of windmills. Garret: Don Quixote tried to bring order to a chaotic world. I consider that heroic. Lily: Sure, except he failed and died a miserable death. Garret: You want to tell me what's going on? Lily: Kenier's 14-year-old brother is in prison too, but those androids at Homeland Security said that unless I have his original birth certificate or medical records proving that he has sickle cell, they can't do anything. He's stuck in the same screwed-up system that klled his brother and will probably kll him too. How's that for justice? *Boston Precinct* Jordan: Woody. Check out those scratches. Looks like we won't need a DNA test. So what's her story? Woody: She broke up with Perry at the fundraiser after he admitted that he was cheating on her. When she went back to his place to gather some of her stuff, he was in the mood for one final hurrah. She was not, hence the scratches. Jordan: He thought "no" meant "yes." Woody: She got away. Claims that he was still alive when she left. Jordan: Did you ask her about Jeffries? Woody: Confirmed that they broke up three months ago. Actually, she dumped him. She got tired of his whole homebody routine, decided she was gonna trade up for somebody a little more extroverted. Jordan: You mean, perverted. This is an image we've pulled off the DVD we found in Perry's apartment. Ask me, bastard got what he deserved. Woody: You know, Jordan, you tell me I don't have any problems, but this... I've got a big problem with. Nicole: What's that? Woody: Kiddie prn, Nicole. I can't think of anything more depraved, can you? Nicole: Why are you showing me this? Woody: Because we found it in your boyfriend's apartment! You want to tell us what kind of sick and twisted world you two were playing in? Nicole: No, I've never-- I'm gonna be sick! Jordan: Get her to the bathroom. Just--just get her to the bath-- Woody, Woody, she didn't kll Perry. Woody: How do you know? Jordan: She can't be more than 5'5". The sht was at least six feet tall. Woody: Which brings us right back to the artist formerly known as freak show. Chadwick Tower West: Apt. 901W** Gerloff: So are you, uh, any closer to finding the kller? Jordan: Hard to tell. (Dialing. Phone ringing) Louis: Hello? Jordan: How does it feel being watched? Louis: Look, I'm sorry that I lied to you about Nicole. Jordan: I'm over it. Louis: Now who's lying? Gerloff: Um, I'm gonna let you, uh... Jordan: Okay. Why don't you, uh, walk me through what you saw that night? Louis: Where do I start? Jordan: Set the scene. Were the shades up or down? Louis: Up. Jordan: Now tell me about Randall Saunders. Louis: I didn't see him arrive. He and Perry seemed deep into an argument. Perry looked drunk. I remember he bumped into the coffee table while trying to take off his cufflinks. Saunders seemed pissed. He made some final comment to Perry and then he left. Jordan: When did Nicole arrive? Louis: About ten minutes later. She let herself in with a keycard. She carried a duffel bag. She wasn't too happy to find Perry there. They argued. And it carried over into the library. That's when Perry snapped. He grabbed Nicole and started kissing her. Then the shades in the library closed. Jordan: And you saw her leave? Louis: A few minutes later. Perry followed her out, probably to make sure she was gone. Jordan: He looked okay, no blood? Louis: Just a smug smile. He, uh, disappeared back into the library for about 20 minutes. That's when I saw the blood. Jordan: And that's everything you saw. Louis: Yes. Jordan: We know that Perry was sht in the library, so how'd the kller get in here? Louis: Maybe he was hiding in the closet. Jordan: Not unless he was a French Bordeaux. We've got drag marks telling us that Perry was standing about here when he was sht. It also matches the bllet trajectory. There was no stippling around the wound. So we know that he wasn't sht at point blank range. There's also no gn residue, so the sht had to be standing at least, uh... (Bump) In the bookcase. Louis: I have about four feet of clearance in my unit. Jordan: But aren't the floor plans identical? Louis: Maybe Perry had some custom bookcases put in. Jordan: Louis, do you have air vents above yours? Louis: Vents? No. Jordan: I don't know what this is, uh... whoa. (Jordan opens up a hidden door in bookcase, revealing a room with a large number of videotapes.) Louis: What? Jordan: I found our snake. Along with Perry 's kiddie prn collection. (Static on phone) Louis? Louis, are you there? Louis, behind you! Louis! (Gerloff enters Louis's apartment with a gn. Louis and Gerloff struggle. Gerloff sht Louis. Gerloff then looks at Jordan and shows her a security card. Jordan goes to apartment door and tries to open it but it is locked. She hits the keypad and it says "System Locked: Code Required") Gerloff: (Whistling as he enters Perry's apartment. Tries light switch, but lights don't come on.) You can make this easy or hard. It's gonna end the same either way. (Jordan is hiding behind some furniture. She throws a CD away from her and Gerloff sht at it. Once Gerloff has his back to Jordan, she comes up with a laser pointer, says "Gerloff", he turns around and she points the laser into his eyes. She then hits him on his chest, he fall over and they struggle. Gerloff gets up with the gn, but then Woody barges in , yells "Freeze!" Gerloff turns towards Woody and Woody sht Gerloff down.) Jordan: Woody! Woody: Jordan, you okay? Jordan: We gotta get to Louis. (Elevator bell chimes. They enter Louis's apartment.) Louis! Louis! (Dialing phone number) Woody: This is Detective Hoyt. I'm gonna need an ambulance at the Chadwick towers, unit 901 east. Louis: No, I can't leave! Jordan: No, Louis, you need to go to a hospital.. Louis: No, I can't. Jordan: Louis, look at me. Louis, look at me! You can. You can. Department of Homeland Security** Garret: Mr. Hartwig. Hartwig: You people don't take "no" for an answer. Garret: I know your job requires you to err on the side of caution, and I respect that. But if Malik Sawa has sickle cell anemia and doesn't receive the proper medical treatment, you're gonna have another dad teenager on your hands. dad bodies may be acceptable in my line of work, but I suspect they're a source of unwanted press in yours. Hartwig: Is that a thrat, doctor? Garret: Only if you decide to take it that way. Look, here's the number of the judge handling Malik's immigration hearing. In the interest of national security, I suggest you have that kid released into his aunt's custody. Have a nice evening. Chadwick Tower West: Apt. 901W* Jordan: Gerloff must've been standing in here when he sht Perry. That explains the discrepancy in distance. Woody: We'll ask him when he gets out of surgery. Jordan: Yeah, and when Louis does, we can both apologize. Woody: I don't get it, Jordan. Gerloff was in the lobby when both Saunders and Nicole left. So how'd he get in here without being seen? Jordan: Looks like this leads to another apartment. Perry wasn't just into child prn. Woody: He was making it. Jordan. Check out the return address. *World United Charities* Woody: Randall Saunders, I'm placing you under arrest as an accessory to the mrder of Davis Perry as well as the manufacture and distribution of child prn. Saunders: I'd like to call my lawyer. Woody: The department of justice is gonna be all over your ass. But you should feel very fortunate it's not going to be me. *Walking in a park* Jordan: So Perry, Gerloff, and Saunders were partners, but when Perry got too involved in the merchandise, he became a liability. How you doing? Louis: Keep talking. It helps. Jordan: Wow, people usually want me to shut up. Would you take it the wrong way if I told you I was actually glad you got sht? Louis: Coming from you, somehow, no. Jordan: It's just that it, you know, got you out of your apartment, and you lived to tell about it. Louis: Barely. Jordan: Look, the first step's always the hardest. And you're already way past that. Next thing you know, you'll be traveling the world, painting exotic landscapes in faraway places. Louis: Whoa. I, uh... I think the park will do just fine for right now. Jordan: For now. Asmina Chol's Apartment* (Looks as thought there's a celebration: lots of food and people) Garret: Can't feel my legs. Lily: (laughs) You did a great thing, Garret. Now that Malik's been classified a juvenile, he'll qualify for asylum status. Garret: I was just following your lead, Donna Quixote. Bug: Ya know, when it works... this is what coming to America is all about. Asmina: I am so honored to have you here. Thank you for bringing Malik home to us. Garret: We're sorry Kenier couldn't join him. Asmina: Yes, but I know he is here, in spirit. (Lily hands the medal to Malik) Lily: I'm sure your brother would want you to have this.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x02 - Out of Sight"}	foreverdreaming
*Club* (Jordan and Woody are dancing) Jordan: I gotta get home. I'm on call. Woody: Yeah? So am I. Jordan, Jordan, you gotta relax, okay? You never go out. You're, like, one of the biggest losers I know. So just loosen up a little bit. Jordan: You're right. I should. *Jordan's Apartment* (Standing outside Jordan's apartment) (Woody goes to kiss Jordan) Jordan: I'm sorry, Woody. You know, we tried this once before. Woody: We have? Jordan: Yeah, you know, that time in California. Woody: Jordan, that was like a kiss I'd give my aunt. Jordan: You French kiss your aunt? Woody: It shouldn't take a man this long to get to first base, Jordan. Jordan: I don't know, Woody. I'm really not into baseball analogies. They remind me of my dad, you know. And then I got him in my head. And that gets even really warped for me. So I— Woody: You know what, I'm--I'm sorry. My bad. Jordan: No. No. That's not— Woody: No, really, I, uh, I did have a very good time. Thank you. Jordan: Yeah, so did I. Woody: See ya later. Jordan: Goodnight, Woody. (Woody leaves, Jordan enters apartment. She throws her keys on the desk, takes jacket off and throws down. She looks over at a tile wall, and then a hand appears holding a Knfe upright. Jordan looks terrified. Next sht, Jordan is sitting on the edge of the bed holding her left hand up and staring at it. Next scene shows intruder banging around and a Knfe in the air in a downward position. Next sht close-up of Jordan staring at her hand. There is blood running down her hand between thumb and index finger. Pan over to nightstand. The alarm clock reads 11:13 and the cordless phone is laying next to its base. Jordan places it back in the cradle and immediately it rings, which makes her jump a little. She is not wearing the same clothes she had on when she came home. Nightgown(?)) Jordan: (in a quiet voice) Hello. Garret: Jordan, I got a fatality at a fre on the 600 block of Beachum. It's a storage facility. I need you to get down there. Jordan: Now? Garret: Yeah, now. You're on call, remember? (Jordan has a blank look on her face.) Jordan: I'm sorry. Wh-wh-Who is this again? Garret: It's Garret. Do I have to call somebody else? (Long pause) Jordan, is somethin' wrong? Jordan: Yeah, I'll be there in 20 minutes. (She goes back to staring at her hand) Pokaski Storage* (As Jordan is walking towards the body, she is having flashbacks of the intruder.) Woody: Bet you wish you'd let me stay. Jordan: What? Woody: We could've driven over together. Jordan: Oh, yeah. Woody: The fre was contained in this unit right over here. Looks like arson. One body right near the entrance. No ID. The unit's used for overflow and evicted clients. Stuff from hundreds of people in there. Jordan: (Looking at the body) He's so... Bug: Burnt? Jordan: dad. Bug: Yeah, Jordan, he's dad all right. But before you go feeling too sorry for him, check this out. Flip that switch for me. (Green light shines on dad person's hand.) Accelerants. Woody: First rule of arson, plan your escape route. Bug: Problem is, if he used accelerants, where's the gas can? Woody: Let's go look for it. What happened to your hand? Jordan: This? (Jordan holds up a bandaged hand.) Woody: Yeah, that. Jordan: I cut it. Woody: Must've hurt pretty bad. Jordan: Yeah, I'm sure it did. Woody: Let me move some of this stuff. (As he goes to move a large drum, the lid comes off) Jordan: Woody. Woody. (Close-up of arm and hand, which is some flesh but mostly bone, sticking out of the drum.) Woody: Isn't that getting weird enough for you yet? {Crossing Jordan Intro} *Trace: Warehouse Drum Remains* (Jordan is running her fingers along the edge of the scissors and staring at them. She is having flashbacks of a struggle with the intruder.) (There is a skeleton laying on the table.) Garret: Someone had a busy night. Jordan: I'm sorry, did you say something? Garret: Bug told me you did the initial autopsy on the arson and now this. What, it must've taken you three hours to assemble him like that. Jordan: Her. And it took me four. It's a woman. Not just any woman, Julie Harrison. Garret: You're kidding. Jordan: No, I matched the dental records. Woody: I'm sorry. Who? Garret: Julie Harrison went missing back in '94. It was a big story here in Boston. Jordan found hair and fiber samples on her husband. They convicted him on circumstantial evidence. The body was never found. I, on the other hand, never thought they had much of a case. Jordan: Well, you may think so now. I found dried semen on what's left of her underpants. Garret: Hey, Jordan. Listen, are you gonna be okay with all this? Jordan: With what? Garret: You and I nearly came to blows on this case first time around. Jordan: Come on, Garret, I'm fine. Are you? Garret: I'm fine. Jordan: Really? *Hallway of ME Office* Woody: Jordan, you mad at me? Jordan: Me? No. No, of course not. Woody: How come you're not lookin' at me? Listen, Jordan. I think you're being pretty tenth grade about this. I made a move on you last night and I'm really sorry about that, so you can stop acting weird now. Jordan: I'm not acting weird. I've got a lot of things on my mind, that's all. Woody: Like what? Jordan: Did you happen to notice if I used my key to get into my apartment last night? Woody: I don't know. How else would you get in? Jordan: Never mind. Hey, let's go out again tonight, okay? I mean, I had such a great time last night. What do you say? Woody: I'm sorry, Jordan. I got all these reports. And I gotta- Jordan: Okay. Your loss. But if you change your mind... *Autopsy: John Doe* Bug: When I retracted the tissue here from the trachea, I noticed it was completely clear. And so were the bronchi. Woody: Meaning what? Garret: Meaning he wasn't breathing during the fre. There would've been soot, evidence of smoke and heat in the tissue. Woody: So you're saying he was dad before the fre started? Bug: That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Garret: Then how did he die? Bug: Take a look at this. Garret: Hemorrhaging in the left ventricle. Bug: Atherosclerosis of the coronaries. He had a massive M.I. Garret: Dropped dad of a heart attck while he was setting the fre. Woody: We don't know if he started the fre. We never found a gas can. Bug: The accelerants on his hands wasn't gas. It was gelled ethanol. The stuff that comes in the little cans for cooking. I mean, not that you can't start a fre with it, but plain old gasoline is easier, cheaper... (Cell phone rings) And it leaves fewer traces. Garret: So if he wasn't the arsonist, what was he doing there? Bug: I don't know. He might've been cooking something. Woody: This is Hoyt. Yeah. Okay. We'll be right there. That was the D.A.'S office. Renee Walcott wants to see us. *City Hall Walcott: Her husband must've set the fre. Garret: What are you talking about? Daniel Harrison's in prison. He got 30 years to life for the mrder. Walcott: Just got out. Woody: Already? How? Walcott: Remember the daughter? Sweet little 16-year-old kid? Well, now she's 26 years old and put herself through law school with the sole purpose of appealing her father's conviction. Garret: She succeeded. Walcott: Two weeks ago on a technicality. Now, suddenly, his wife's body, missing for ten years, just happens to turn up in a mysterious fre. Woody: Maybe Daniel Harrison was the crispy critter we found at the scene. Walcott: No such luck. I had a unit check his place. He had breakfast with his daughter at 8:15. You're gonna have to pin this mrder on him forensically, Garret. *ME Office* (Jordan is using a Xerox machine. She is again having flashbacks of a struggle with the intruder and him holding the Knfe to her throat.) Lily: Jordan. (Jordan turns around hold holds a pencil up near her head as if she is going to sab Lily.) Was it something I said? Jordan: I'm sorry. I-- you just startled me. Lily: Yeah, I guess I did. Jordan: Wow, that would've hurt, huh? Lily: Mm. Little jumpy today? Jordan: Yeah, I was up all night on this case. Lily: Uh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. There's a Clarissa Harrison in the conference room. She's Julie Harrison's— Jordan: Daughter. Yeah, I know. I met her a while ago. Lily: Well, Dr. Macy suggested that you might like to join us. Jordan: Sure. Just let me get this report together. Garret: Miss Harrison, this is Dr. Cavanaugh. She's been assigned to the case. Clarissa: Yes, I remember you. Jordan: I remember you as well. Clarissa: Your testimony put my father away. Lily: Uh, maybe we should stick to the issue of your mother's remains. Jordan: Yeah, that's okay, Lily. I'm very sorry. That must've been devastating for you. Clarissa: The D.A. intends to press charges against my father again. Now that my mother's body's been found, I was hoping this office might find some evidence to prove who actually committed the mrder. Jordan: I can assure you we'll do everything we can to get to the truth. Clarissa: Thank you. My father spent ten years in prison for a crime he didn't commit. I spent ten years without a father. Jordan: (Choked up) Ten years without a father... or a mother. I'm sorry, I think I have something in my contact right now. Yeah. There, that's better. I'm sorry, where were we? Garret: Maybe we should all sit down. Lab: Julie Harrison Case* Sidney: I am sooo good. Damn! I'm good. Are you really gonna make me beg for it? Bug: All right, now look. You may like this little game that we play every day. But make no mistake. There's a pecking order here. And a limit to my patience. Sidney: Come on, man. Give the brother some love. Bug: Okay, fine. What scientific brilliance have you wrought today? Sidney: Reconstituted a ten year old semen sample from the Harrison case. Ought to be worth two days paid leave on the witness stand. Bug: (sarcastically) Oh, damn, you are so good. Lily: Is it me or is something seriously wrong with Jordan? Bug: Well, now there's a loaded question. Lily: She almost sab me with a pen. I'm worried. Prolonged exposure to death and volence has got to have a cumulative effect. Bug: Look. Like the changing seasons, so is Jordan's moods. I mean, she'll snap out of it. She always does. Lily: Yeah. Maybe. *Jordan's Office* (Jordan is staring at her house key.) Garret: It's thorough. I'll give you that. Jordan: Hey, Garret. I was thinking about just going out for a little nightcap. Care to join me? Garret: No thanks. Jordan: Too bad. I have got so much energy. Garret: Yeah, I can tell. Read your autopsy report. 12 pages to tell us she was ht in the back of the head with an unidentifiable object. Jordan: Yeah, I guess I decided to take a little more time with some of the details. Garret: Tends to happen when you don't sleep. Jordan: You know, that shirt is the perfect color for you. A nice dark blue— Garret: This case is still too close for you, Jordan. I'm pulling you off of it. Jordan: What are you talking about? I'm fine. Garret: Are you? Jordan: Yes. It was ten years ago. And if I recall correctly, I wasn't the one who lost my cool on the witness stand. Garret: I felt he was being railroaded. I have a right to get emotional sometimes. Okay, so it pushed both our buttons. I'm still taking you off the case. I'll take it from here. Jordan: Right, because you can be so objective. Garret: Go home, Jordan, get some sleep. Jordan: I don't want to go home. Garret: It's not a suggestion. Jordan's Car* (Jordan is sleeping, having dreams about the struggle with the intruder. Her cell phone rings) Jordan: Hey, Woody. No, uh, I've been home all night. Mm-hmm. (Car horn in background.) Yeah, uh-huh, I'm off the case. (Knock on her car window.) Stiles: Jordan. Jordan: Yeah, someone's at my front door. M-kay. Bye. Stiles: Jordan. Jordan: Jeez, Howard, what the hell are you doing here? Stiles: I was just about to ask you the same thing. Jordan: I fell asleep. It's a long story. Stiles: Well, my breakfast got canceled. And after all, you are overdue for your annual psych evaluation. Jordan: Not that several hours of tortured self-examination doesn't sound invigorating, but I really have someplace else I gotta be. Stiles: I can be persistent, you know, in a bureaucratic kinda way. Jordan: Yeah, and I can be impossible to find. *Pokaski Storage* Woody: I feel like I'm tracking her comings and goings, but I mean, come on, Dr. Macy, she's on the case, she's off the case. I'm just saying. Garret: It's complicated. You know, truth is we disagreed about the case ten years ago. Mother's klled. Father's a suspect. There's a daughter involved. You do the math. Woody. What do you make of this? (Shines flashlight on a photograph of two people standing together at the beach.) Woody: Why is it taped to the wall? Garret: And why is it so close to the floor? (Slides panel back) Woody: This thing could be the last thing he looked at before he went to sleep at night. Gelled ethanol. It was just some homeless guy. Garret: No. This was his home. Woody: I got the stove. Garret: So he lit the can of ethanol, had a heart attck, and dropped it. Woody: Rolled under some furniture. The fre started. He tried to drag himself to the entrance and died. (Objects falling, person is running away. Garret and Woody follow him.) Woody: Hey! Freeze! Police! I said freeze! Come here! Come here! Where do you think you're going? Hands behind your head. Daniel: Don't sht. Woody: Hey, man, why do you look familiar? Garret: That's Daniel Harrison. Boston Police Precinct* Daniel: I know how it looks, but I didn't do anything. I swear. Woody: How come you ran? Daniel: Look, I did time for this crime. The D.A.'s got a vendetta against me. I know I shouldn't have been snooping around. But I'd sat in that prison for ten years. I loved my wife! I had to find out for myself. Tell him, Dr. Macy. You know I was innocent. Garret: We found traces of semen on your wife's clothing. Why don't you do us a favor? There's a bathroom down at the end of the hall. Woody: You go down there, think some happy thoughts, give us a sample, and we'll see if you match. Daniel: That's easier said then done. I had prostate surgery in 1991. It was removed. I don't produce semen. *ME's Office* Clarissa: Dr. Macy. Garret: Miss Harrison. Clarissa: I spent years fighting to get my father out of prison. I put myself through law school just to help him. And I thought it was finally over when they let him out of that cell. But it's not. The D.A.'s not going to leave him alone. I always felt you were a fair man. I remember thinking that ten years ago. I can't do this anymore. I'd like you to have these. It's all the research on the case. Everything there is. I know you believe my father was innocent. If you're really interested in proving it... look inside the boxes. *Jordan's Apartment* Woody: (Knock at door) Come on, Jordan. Open up. It's me. Jordan: I can’t. I'm busy. Woody: Jordan, come on. I heard you're off the Harrison case and nobody will tell me why, so please just let me in. Jordan: Go away. Woody: Listen, if this is about the other night, I already-- (Jordan opens the door.) They had a clearance sale at your local spy shop? Jordan: Hand me one of those j-lifts, please. Woody: What the hell happened here, Jordan? Jordan: Isn't it obvious? I was robbed. Woody: You all right? When? Jordan: I'm fine. It was, uh, I was at work. I don't know what happened. Woody: What'd they get? Jordan: I don't know. I can't find anything missing. But I'm telling you, I am gonna get this sucker. He picked the wrong girl to mess with. I mean, come on. You got to admit it. Of all the apartments in Boston to break into. Oh, baby, this guy is dad meat. Woody: Well, at least you're having fun with it. Jordan: This place is a treasure trove of forensic evidence. He left a whole bunch of prints. I just need you to run these for me. I can't really do this at work. Woody: Why not? You know, Jordan, maybe I should call CSU unit over here. They could probably pick up a few things— Jordan: Take a look around this place, man. I got about a gazillion dollars worth of gadgets here. Some of them, I don't even know what they do. Does it look like I need a CSU unit? I just need you to run those prints, that's all. Please? Garret's Office* (He is looking over the Harrison Case File. He finds some surveillance photographs, one of which has a man's picture on it.) *City Hall* (Walcott is looking at the picture.) Garret: Daniel Harrison wasn't the semen donor. Walcott: So? It just gives him a motive. He klled his wife in a jealous rage because he found her with another man. Garret: Or the other man is the kller. See, forensically, we can prove she was with somebody else that night. I think it might've been him. Walcott: This guy's got nothing to do with it. Garret: You knew about this picture? Walcott: An eyewitness saw a man in a Ford Tempo enter the Harrison's brownstone that night. Daniel Harrison drove a Mercedes. Garret: Then who's this guy? Walcott: Just some schmuck getting money out of an ATM machine. It's got nothing to do with it. The picture is of the car behind him taken by a security camera at an ATM machine across the street. Garret: Well, if you knew about this ten years ago, where did it lead you? Walcott: Nowhere. We couldn't get a license plate off the photo. Besides, we had a forensic case against Daniel Harrison. Garret: You kept this from the jury? Walcott: It was a dad end. I mean, why muddy the waters with all— Garret: The truth? Walcott: Oh, don't get self-righteous, Garret. It's your least attractive quality. You've never really gotten over this, have you? You were wrong then, you're wrong now. Daniel Harrison klled his wife. End of story. Garret: Maybe. Maybe not. *Jordan's Apartment* Jordan: (Knocks at door. Jordan grabs her gn that was sitting on the counter as she goes to answer it.) What, are you stalking me? Stiles: Well, not that I'm above that sort of thing. (He sees the gn.) Must make a note to wear my flak jacket next time I visit you. Jordan: Macy sicced you on me, didn't he? I was obsessing about an old case, that's all. Stiles: Well, for the sake of argument, let's say he did. I think he might've been wrong about what's bothering you. Do you want to talk about it? Jordan: No, I'd rather use my time doing what I do best. Stiles: What is that? Jordan: Relying on good old-fashioned forensic science to catch the creep who broke into my apartment. Stiles: Taking back your power. That's a step in the right direction. Jordan: Well, you know me. I'm all about the mental health. Stiles: Mmm. (Laughs) So... how did he get in here? (No response from Jordan.) Jordan. How did he get in here? Jordan: I think I left the door unlocked. Stiles: Did you? Did he take anything? Jordan: That's just it. I can't find anything missing. That's exactly what I'm-- (She finds a small jewelry case.) Stiles: What? What is it? What was in that? Jordan: It was a locket. It belonged to my mother. Stiles: Your mother. Jordan: It's the only thing he took. (Jordan goes to door.) Stiles: Jordan! Jordan: Lock the door on your way out. *Boston Police Precinct* Jordan: Well? Woody: Well what? Jordan: The print. Did you find anything? Woody: Nothing. Jordan: What do you mean nothing? Did you run it through NCIC, military— Woody: Yes, yes, and yes. No matches on the print. But we did get a match on the M.O. 17 other burglaries within two miles of your apartment. Jordan: No, that's impossible. Woody: Jordan, it was a random event, okay? The guy never strikes twice. He's not coming back. I promise. Jordan: It wasn't random, Woody. It was about my mother. Woody: Your mother? Jordan: He stole a gold locket that belonged to her. Woody: Coincidence, Jordan. Just a coincidence. Jordan: No, it isn’t. Guy breaks into my place. He takes one thing and it just happens to be something of my mother's? And it wasn't just any locket. She was wearing it when she died. I took it from the funeral home two days later when no one was looking. Put it in a box. I haven't touched it since. Woody: What was in the locket? Jordan: I don't know. I never opened it. Woody: No, no, Jordan. You're making way too big a deal out of this, okay? We'll catch this guy when he breaks into another apartment. Jordan: (shouting) He's not going to break into somebody else's place! That is the point! Woody: Jordan. You have to calm down, okay? Try some chamomile. Switch to decaf. In the meantime, I'm heading back to the morgue. So if you need a lift... Thanks for stopping by. *Forensic Evidence Lab* Bug: I created an algorithm to recover the missing pixels within a blur width of 20. Garret: Of course you did. Bug: You mock me. But deep down, I know that you love me. In a platonic kind of way. I mean, it's all right. I'm a self-actualized man. Garret: You're about to become an unemployed man. Bug: Very well. Moving on. Zoom in. Quadrant four. Woody: We traced every unit in the storage facility. Went back 15 years. One was rented to a dummy corporation and guess whose credit card number came up? Garret: Daniel Harrison. Woody: Not lookin' so innocent anymore is he, Dr. Macy? Garret: See, the problem is, without hard proof that he actually stashed his dad wife there, it's just circumstantial. So we still have to find the other man. Bug: You see, the problem was, when they tried this ten years ago, they were going for the license plate. From this angle, it's impossible. But this is a rental car. Rental cars used to have bumper stickers for identification. Zoom in, tile 14. Voila. Woody: This photo was taken June 6, 1994. So- Garret: So if the rental company can tell us who was driving this exact car, we've got our guy. Woody: I'm gonna need a land line. Garret: Use my office. Bug, genius is an over-used word. But in your case... Bug: In my case what? What? Trace Evidence* Garret: Hey. What are you looking for? Jordan: Uh, fibers, hairs. Doesn't matter 'cause, uh, there's nothin' here. Garret: Those are your clothes, aren't they? You didn't come back to me when I kicked you off the Harrison case-- not even in a passive-aggressive way. What's goin' on? Jordan: I'd like to think I have the ability to take care of myself when things get confusing. Garret: Not sure what you mean by that. Jordan: My second year in med school, I did a rotation in pediatric oncology. And they warned us not to get too attached to the kids, but it was Christmas Eve. And there was this one five-year-old boy. And he still had this patch of red hair on his forehead. Well, around 10:00 P.M. he went code blue. I watched him die. And I just snapped. I left the hospital and just started walking. And I ended up at this Catholic Church just as midnight mass was starting. It was packed with people. I had this sudden urge to go inside and pray, which is really crazy because I'm a terrible Catholic. But I got inside this long line. And just as I was about to get in, they closed the doors. Said the church was full. Garret: So that's the moral of the story? Locked out by God? Sort of a metaphor for your life? Jordan: No. I stood there in the cold. And just as I was about to give up, the doors opened. They had found one more seat. So I went inside and I prayed and I cried and held hands with perfect strangers. I mean, I felt so cleansed. So healed. Then I went home and got drunk. And the next day, I dropped out of school. You did the right thing kicking me off the case. But you didn't have to call Stiles on me. Garret: What are you talking about? I didn't call Stiles. *Lily's Office* Jordan: Where the hell do you get off calling the state shrink on me? Lily: I'm sorry. I was worried about you. Jordan: You think I'm crazy, don't you? Lily: I think that there's something going on that you're not telling anyone about. Jordan: Sure, 'cause you're just such a genius, you just figured it out, huh? You know what it's like having everyone stare at you? I come to work every day because I have to. Because if I didn't, I wouldn't know where else to go. And you think it doesn't hurt to know what you guys all say about me? Screw you all! You know, you can all just go to... I think I should, uh, I should stop now. (Lily gives Jordan a hug.) Lily: You are surrounded by so many people who love you. All you have to do is ask. It's okay to ask. *Monroe Residence* Garret: Shouldn't we call for backup? Woody: What for? The guy isn't dangerous. Garret: He might be a kller. Woody: Clifford Monroe owns a stationary store in Weston. Got no record. The guy's a model citizen. Garret: He's still the other man. Woody: All due respect, Dr. Macy, but for all we know, the only thing this guy's guilty of is screwing Julie Harrison. Garret: A woman whose disappearance was all over the news for the next three months. Where was he then if he's so innocent? Woody: You realize by doing this, we're probably ruining this poor bastard's life. Hi. Is Clifford Monroe home? Young Girl: Just a second. Dad, someone's here to see you. Clifford: Hello. Can I help you? Woody: Clifford Monroe? Clifford: Uh-huh. Woody: Detective Woody Hoyt, Boston PD. This is Dr. Garret Macy, the medical examiner's office. You rented a Ford Tempo on June 4th, 1994 because your car was in the shop. Clifford: Okay. If you say so. What's this about? Woody: The mrder of Julie Harrison. Clifford: Please. Please, I have a family. Wife: Honey, what is it? *Stile's House* (Knock at door) Jordan: I'm-I'm ready to talk. He was just standing there staring at me. Stiles: And what did he look like? Jordan: I don't know. He, uh... he was wearing a ski mask. (Flashback) Then out of nowhere, he was on me. Stiles: What happened then? Jordan: He made me take off my clothes. Stiles: And did he, um— Jordan: rpe me? No. No, thank god. But I didn't fight back. (Flashback) I just stood there while he tore apart my place. Why didn't I fight back? I-I'll never forgive myself for that. Stiles: But, uh, the cut on your hand. How did that happen? Jordan: I just felt so... powerless. (choked up) I always promised myself I would never feel that way again. Stiles: And when was the time you did feel that way? Jordan: The day that I came home and found my mother dad on the dining room floor. Stiles: So that's why you think you left the door open. Jordan: I did leave the door open. I must've. Stiles: Well...single girl living in a big city. You're smarter than that. I closed the door on my way out today like you asked. It locks automatically. You dusted for prints everywhere but on the door knob. Why? Jordan: What, are you saying that I'm making this all up? That it's all in my head? Stiles: Well, maybe you needed to think you left the door open to feel powerless again. Jordan: Why the hell would I do that? Stiles: To blame yourself for what actually was just a random event. Jordan: It wasn't random. Stiles: Really? Jordan: (shouting) The guy took my mother's locket. It has to mean something. Stiles: How old are you now? Jordan: What the hell does that have to do with anything? Stiles: Think about it. How old are you now? Jordan: I'm the same age that my mother was when she died. Stiles: Well, that's interesting, isn't it? I mean, Jordan, how is the dating coming? Are you planning to get into a relationship any time soon? Have children? Do you even think about that? So the cut on your hand... how did that happen? Jordan: I, uh... (Flashback) I fought back. He ran away. I wasn't afraid to die. Stiles: I mean, for the last 24 years, you've been hiding in a locked room. You wanna leave a door open? Leave it open to let yourself out. Well, you know, you are not your mother. Your fate is not her fate. It wasn't your fault. Things just happen. *Interrogation* Clifford: Oh, god. I am so dad. I am so dad. Woody: Calm down, Mr. Monroe. Let's just take it slow. Clifford: I never laid a finger on Julie Harrison. Woody: My guess is you were laying a lot more than your finger on her. Clifford: What do you want me to say? She-she was tired of her husband. She wanted out. Woody: Okay. It's the night of June 6, 1994. Your car is parked outside of Harrison's brownstone. Why don't you tell us what happened? Clifford: Okay, okay, I got, uh, I got there at around 7:00. And we were in her bedroom, you know. Woody: No, I don't know. Clifford: We were in her BEDroom. Woody: And it got a little rough and you klled her. Clifford: No! No. We-- we were just having sex. Woody: Okay. Okay. That's when Daniel Harrison walked in. Clifford: No! Woody: But he walked in on you, didn't he? Clifford: Her husband didn't walk in on us. It was the daughter. Outside Harrison's House* Woody: Takin' a little family vacation? Daniel: No charges have been brought against me. I'm free to go wherever I want. Woody: We found your wife's boyfriend. Garret: He told us everything... just like you wanted him to. Daniel: What's he talking about? Woody: He's talking about you coming home that night to discover your daughter had mrder your wife in a fit of anger. You said you were gonna take care of everything though, didn't you? You were gonna dump the body, cover everything up. Garret: But there was circumstantial evidence enough to convict. So again you thought you'd take care of everything. Pay the price. Do the time, right? Woody: You had already lost your wife. You were not about to lose your daughter. Daniel: Clarissa. Clarissa: For ten years I tried to keep my guilt away. Focused everything on getting you out of prison. Thought that would get rid of it. But it didn’t. It didn't go away. Then the fre out of nowhere like some kind of sign. I couldn't live with myself. I had to tell someone. I'm sorry, dad. I'm sorry. *ME's Office* Jordan: Hi. Garret: Hi. Jordan: I came back here to make some apologies, but I guess everyone's gone home for the night. Garret: They'll be here tomorrow. They always are. Jordan: Yeah, I know. I like that. Garret: You know, this job, Jordan. This-this place. In the grand scheme of things, it's not everything. But we're the next best thing to a family. I hope you know that. Jordan: I do. I do. *Jordan's Apartment* (Woody is holding a gold locket.) Jordan: Oh my god. Where did you find it? Woody: Pawnshop at Southie flagged it. It was fenced with 200 other items. Guy paid $32 for it. So it was a random burglary after all. Jordan: I know. Woody: Come on. Guy tried to jimmy it open. I'm sorry to tell you, I looked inside. I was curious. Go on. Open it. Jordan: No, that's all right. I don't need to. Woody: Come on, open it up. (She opens it.) You were cute. Jordan: Yeah, I was, huh? Thank you, Woody. I know I've been, you know, a little cuckoo lately. Woody: It's okay. I'm used to it. What? Jordan: Nothing. I just thought maybe you'd like to come in. Woody: I think I am in. Jordan: I mean, you know, would you like to stay in for a while? Woody: Jordan... I think we should take things slow. Jordan: Fair enough. Woody: It's not to say that we can't, as the kids say, hook up every now and then. Jordan: In your dreams. (They hug.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x03 - Intruded"}	foreverdreaming
*McPhears House* (As Jordan and Nigel are walking up to the house, Jordan is remembering something) Children: Jordan, hurry up. Get the ball. What're ya, chicken? Nigel: Jordan. Hello. So this is your local Boo Radley house, is it? Jordan: Yeah. "There was an old woman McPhears. sab her husband with gardening shears. Cut him up like a pie, no one ever knew why. He's been rotting inside there for years." Nigel: Really? Jordan: Well, it was something we would chant as kids. And then, for some reason, Mrs. McPhears took notice of me. She'd stop me on the sidewalk, and try to talk to me. But I was so creeped out by her I never really gave her the time of day. Nigel: Well, if she really did bury her husband in this house, why was she still living here, being tormented by vicious little kids like you? Jordan: It was just a stupid kid's rhyme. Nigel: Mm-hmm. Are we going in? Jordan: Sure. Yes. We are. (Flashback) (Children whispering) Children: She sees us! Go! Run! Nigel: Never been inside before? Jordan: Every ball and frisbee that ever landed in her yard disappeared somewhere in here. I always pictured it a little more spooky. Carver: Two of you? It's overkill. This is just a little old lady whose number came up. Jordan: Lois. Carver: Jordan. Jordan: Grab her hips? Nigel: Yep. Oh, yeah. I can see why generations of children were terrified of her. She exudes mrder evil, doesn't she? Poor thing. . *Autopsy: John Doe* Garret: Anything? Devan: If he survived the fall, the razor wire finished him off. He bled out. Bug: I'm working on some fibers from his pant leg. It's carpet, upholstery maybe. Garret: What's this white stuff on the bottom of his shoes? Bug: Aluminum powder. Garret: From a construction site? Bug: Makes sense if he was looking for shelter. Garret: He was in pretty good physical condition. He wasn't on the streets very long. Devan: And for a homeless guy, he had a pretty fancy watch. He's got the alarm set for 36 hours from now. Garret: And counting. Bug: Check out these small ulcers on his ankle. Devan: That a rash? Bug: No. Sand fly bites. Garret: Sand flies in Boston? Bug: Well, that's just it. They're only indigenous to desert climates. Garret: Crewcut, sand fly bites, watch set to military time. This guy's a soldier. Bug: Must've just got back from Iraq. Garret: Welcome home. Woody: Hey, guys. Turns out there are 43 red '67 Mustangs registered in the tri-state area. It'll be looking for a marshmallow in a snowstorm. Garret: It may not be as tough to ID this guy as we thought. He was a soldier. Devan: I'll run his prints through AFIS, see if I can get an ID from the military. Garret: No. No. I got it. Woody: If the guy we chased klled him, then he came back to the scene 'cause he was looking for something. Devan: You think he found it? Woody: No, we scared him away. But my bet is that it's still there. Devan: Mind if I come along? Parking Garage* Woody: Guy was kneeling down over here, looking for something. Probably his cojones. Devan: Well, somehow I doubt that, but I get your point. Woody: I should've popped him once in the foot when I had the chance. Devan: Now, not that I'm an expert, but wouldn't that have been a violation of some sort? Woody: Hey, guy almost flattened me with his car. I believe that's a violation too. Devan: I don't think I've ever seen you this angry. Woody: He slipped right through my fingers, Devan. Does not happen to me every day. I want this guy. Bad. Devan: Your testosterone runneth over. It's kinda... cute. Woody: Did you just flirt with me? Devan: I may have. Accidentally. Oh. I think I can see it. Woody: What? Us? Devan: No. This. (She shines a flashlight on a storm drain and using tweezers picks up a ring from the drain.) *ME's Office* Garret: (on the phone) I ran his prints and all I got was a serial number and unit. There's a block on his ID. I just--I just need to know who to notify. Yeah. I-I'll do that. (Hangs up the phone) Submit this in writing! Bug: Who was that? Garret: The kid's commanding officer. Bug: What'd he say? Garret: Nothing. He can neither confirm nor deny his identity. Bug: Wow. What do you think that's about? Garret: I don't know. But I'm gonna find out. Bug: You go with your bad self. *Autopsy: McPhears* Nigel: Melinda Hall. Born 1916, Newhall, Vermont. Married a Leland J. McPhears in 1935. Two years later they moved to Boston, where he eventually becomes a municipal court judge. And no next of kin. Jordan: And when did he go missing? Nigel: Wasn't that information included in one of your vicious little limericks? Jordan: Hey, I didn't write them. None of us knew exactly when he went missing. Woman: Dr. Cavanaugh. (Hands Jordan some x-rays) Jordan: Oh, thank you very much. Little before our time. Nigel: I don't know when he disappeared because I was working on the next of kin which is, you know, it's like, what we do here. But if you want me to scour the earth for a missing man who's got nothing to do with anything, I'm gonna need a raise. Jordan: Yeah, don't we all. Nige, take a look at this. Multiple fractures. Some of them broken repeatedly in the same place and none of them properly set. Nigel: So the judge was a wife-beater? Jordan: Maybe he got what he deserved. Nigel: Aw, come on, Jordan. You don't really think she klled her husband? Jordan: I don't know. When I was a kid I did. We'd ht a ball into her yard, and be too terrified to get it back. Nigel: Well, there's no proof she klled anyone so I guess the legend dies with her. Jordan: Yeah. You're right. I guess we'll never know. ME's Office* Woody: Talk to me. Devan: This ring dates back to, like, early 1900s. Woody: Must've fallen out of the perp's jacket during the fight. Devan: Only this diamond came loose well before then. I was able to liquefy the material used to glue it back. I think it's bonding cement. Like for dental work. Woody: You "think"? So what is that, like a guess? Devan: Based upon the percentage of hydroxyethyl methacrylate, I'm making an educated guess, yeah. Woody: Don't you think you should comparative-test it? You know, put some chemicals on it, stick it in one of these fancy machines with all the colorful lights on 'em? Devan: Why would I do that? Woody: Double check, to make sure. That's what Jordan would do. Devan: Uh-huh. Well, I'm not Jordan, am I? Woody: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I offend? Devan: That's fine. I've been second guessed since the first day I got here. Welcome to my world. But, Woody, if I makes you comfortable, I can run it through the mass spectrometer. Woody: I'm just saying Jordan doesn't always trust her first impulse. Devan: Are we talking about the same Jordan? Woody: Forensically speaking. Devan: So what's, uh, the deal between you two, anyway? Woody: Whoa. Devan: What? Woody: I don't know. Personal. We're just friends. Devan: Okay. Woody: We flirted with more, but... Devan: Don't tell me, she didn't trust her first impulse. Woody: Now we're just friends again. Devan: That's good. That, I mean, you know, that you two worked it out. Woody: Right. Devan: (Machine beeps) Mmm. What'd I tell ya? Bonding cement. Now all you gotta do is trace an old bat-up ring to your creep who got away. Woody: Welcome to my world. Garret: Got your message, Sidney. Sidney: What's up? Mmm. The mini dv tape you found in the soldier's backpack? The one you said was impossible to resuscitate? Garret: Yeah, what about it? Sidney: I resuscitated it. It's a home movie, um, from somewhere in Iraq, I guess. I was only able to get about a minute and a half of it, but I still knew you wanted to check it out. Bug: So what did you need me for? Sidney: Oh, to show off, of course. Bug: Yeah? I'm still waiting. Garret: Oh, you want me to teach you, Buggy? Sidney: Are you two done? Let's take a look. John Doe: It's April, uh, something, 2004. We lost two men today. And one of 'em was my buddy Jamie Kendrick, from Tulsa, Oklahoma. I watched him die on that stretcher. I was holding his hand and... he just died. We had chased some rpg fre into this little dirtwater neighborhood. And me and Jamie went into this one house and there was, like, this whole family there. These two kids just sittin' there, eatin' cereal, you know, just like... like two kids, and... and they look up at us and, and they start freaking. Screamin' and yellin' like we're the devil or something. And I'm yelling at 'em to keep quiet and I turn my back for a lousy two seconds, and the next thing I know it's like frikkin' world wr three in there. This isn't what they promised us it would be like. It's all falling apart. Now I--I've seen too much. They're never gonna let me outta this place alive, okay? So if you see this and I'm dad, you know it was them. Okay? It was them... *McPhears House* (It's nighttime and Jordan is approaching the house with a flashlight, meanwhile having flashbacks from when she was younger and walking up to the house) Jordan: Oh! Jeez Louise, Nige. What the hell are you doing here? Nigel: Same thing as you, apparently. I was intrigued. You know me. Besides...one man's limerick is another man's clue trail. (Jordan and Nigel enter the house.) (Cats meowing) Jordan: Hello. (Cat meows) Jordan: Oh! Nigel: Okay. Okay, right. So if I klled my husband, where would I stash the body? Jordan: If you klled your husband, you'd have to start in the closet. (Cat yowling) (Wood knocking) Nigel: Sounded hollow. (Taps floor) What have we here? (They pick up the floorboards. Inside there are many baseballs and the like) Jordan: Huh. Nigel: That's where they all went. Jordan: All right. Hey. Grab this. (Jordan lifts up the box of balls and underneath is a skeleton) Jordan: (Gasps) Oh. So I guess Mr. McPhears was never missing at all. *ME's Office* Carroll: Are you Dr. Macy? Garret: Yeah. Can I help you? Carroll: Major Carroll, chaplain, United States Army. The ID number you gave us is that of a Corporal Joshua Goodson from Dorchester. 21 years old. Garret: You could've told me that over the phone. Carroll: But I couldn't have given you these. Some personal effects corporal Goodson had shipped to his base two weeks before he returned from Iraq. He never picked them up. Since you'll be contacting the next of kin, I imagine they'd want them. His parents are dad. Only emergency contact we have is a Beth Flaherty, residing in Malden. We have our protocols, Dr. Macy. We're not going to verify personal information about one of our men over the phone. You could be anyone. Garret: And I suppose, so could you. Carroll: I don't follow. Garret: That kid was mrder yesterday. He left behind video diaries from Iraq expressing fear of the people he was with. That there were secrets over there, secrets he wished he didn't know. Carroll: wr can do many things to a man. Paranoia is one of them. Young minds shouldn't have to see those kinds of things, but we have no choice. Garret: There's always a choice. Did you know he was homeless? Carroll: How these men and women...handle themselves when they return is their personal option. We offer them counseling, we don't just spit them out. But some of them isolate, others cling to their families, a lot of them have problems readjusting. That's the price of wr. Garret: What're you covering up? Carroll: Thank you for your time, sir. You can call the local VA hospital should you chose to make arrangements through them. *Trace: Judge J. McPhears* Carver: Well, thanks for calling me in. This should cinch my promotion. I'm sure it's gonna be front page news. Jordan: Whatever I can do to help. Carver: On the other hand, after I finish my paperwork, this is a closed case. I've got the victim and the mrder. So now I'm gonna get back to the other 50 cases on my desk. Okay? Send me your report. Nigel: Hey, I matched the dental records. I matched dental records. Jordan: Okay. Nigel: So you may wonder how I was able to acquire them, since the deceased became deceased such a very long time ago. Jordan: But because you are a genius, Nigel, that's how. Save it for your memoirs. I don't think that she klled him. Nigel: Excuse me? Jordan: This man was at least 6'3", she was 5'4". Look at his skull. Nigel: It's fractured...cobweb pattern... Jordan: Which means his head was pounded over and over again against a flat, hard surface, like the floor. Nigel: Check out the-- the indentation right here on the edge of the occipital bone. Jordan: Looks like it was made by something very hard and sharp. Coulda been the initial blow. But you saw those x-rays of her hands, the way those breaks healed. I don't think she coulda done this. Nigel: Well, who else could've done it? Jordan: Who else indeed. *Beth Flaherty's Apartment* Garret: I'm so sorry. Beth: How did it happen? Garret: Joshua fell to his death here in Boston. We think he might've been pushed. Can you tell me what your relationship was to him? Beth: We were friends in high school and...he wanted more. Garret: Had you spoken to him recently? Beth: No, not for months. Once the fighting started, it was impossible to really get a hold, you know. Garret: Did he mention any concerns over his safety? Beth: He was scared. I know he didn't want to be there. He sent these video letters for a while. Was just him looking into a camera, talking about everyday stuff. I think it helped him. Garret: Would you mind if I took a look at those? It may help to answer some questions. Beth: Yeah. Sure. *ME's Office* Bug: So I'm running the bonding cement's molecular structure through the patent office database. See if I can come up with a manufacturer. Woody: See, see, that is what I'm talking about. Devan: Great. Bug does one lousy test, tracks the cement to its molecular structure, and suddenly he's a genius. Woody: I'm sorry, are we having a problem here? Devan: No, no, I'm just curious why it took me twice the work to convince you I was accurate with my findings. Woody: Fine, I take it back. Devan: You can't. It's in the ether. Bug: Hey, both of you. I was in the sandbox first. So either get out or shut up. All right. Your bonding cement was produced by Kidwell industries. It's still in its trial phase. So only ten dentists are using it in our local area. Woody: See? Genius. *Trace: Judge J. McPhears* Nigel: Judge Leland J. McPhears disappeared in October of 1963. His wife called the police to say that he'd left the house on the 16th and never came back. Jordan: Huh. Couldn't have been a very thorough investigation. Nigel: Interesting reason for that. See, the judge and his very important friends were all massively corrupt. No one wanted a light shined on his activities. Jordan: Maybe one of them klled him. Nigel: It's possible, it's possible. Bloke had a lot of enemies. Jordan: Unless...the wife had a special friend. I mean, why else hide the body in the house? Who was she trying to protect? Nigel: Well, whoever it was, was definitely there when the judge died. I found droplets of dried blood in what was left of the judge's garments. And get this, it doesn't match either his or his wife's. ME's Office* Goodson: May 10, 2003. We heard from our commander today that the bridge is finally clear. So we may get pretty busy for the next 48 hours. I've cast out my razor, divorced my soap, and signed my socks to a two-year contract. Let freedom roar. (Turns off VCR) Jordan: Breaks your heart. Garret: You finished with your crazy old lady? Jordan: She wasn't crazy. We condemned her without knowing a thing about her. Garret: Come on, you were just kids. Jordan: And kids can be cruel. We spread rumors about her. As if she wasn't going through enough already. And then two years later, it turns out I was the crazy one on the block. Karma. Guess I had it comin', though. So, that's your soldier. Garret: Yeah. Hard to believe I was his age when my draft number came up. Jordan: I never knew you were drafted. Garret: Oh, yeah. Lucky number 13. My best friend Marty was 122. That night they announced the numbers...everyone sitting around the dorm glued to the radio, while they read the list. Went for our physicals the next week. He died in Vietnam eight months later. Jordan: You never told me any of this, Garret. Garret: Well...we were 21, thought we had the world by the balls. But looking at this kid, it's impossible to imagine I was only his age. Jordan: Yeah, I hear ya. I thought I knew everything, and it turns out I knew nothing at all. Anything I can do to help? Garret: No. I just need to make some sense of this. Jordan: Yeah, me too. *Trace: Judge J. McPhears* Nigel: Another blond hair. With this many, I'm assuming they belong to Mrs. McPhears. Jordan: Wish I could say for sure. It was so long ago, my memory's fuzzy. Carver: That's why it's a good thing we keep records. Nigel: Of what? Carver: Judge McPhears put away a convicted mrder in 1951. Franklin Grotz. Grotz got out early for good behavior. Then broke into the judge's home twice in 1963. Said he wanted his head on a platter. Got the police report to prove it. Two months later McPhears goes missing. It's a no-brainer. And Grotz died of cancer in 1989. Case closed. Jordan: Well, I suppose these blond hairs could be Grotz's. Nigel: If so, I wonder what else he might've left behind. Carver: What is wrong with you two? What difference does it make? This is 1963. The fat lady has long since sung on this one. Do you honestly think you are going to find any new evidence in that house? Jordan: Well, yeah... Bradley Medical Plaza* Devan: All right. Thanks. Dr. Fredrick Samuels moved to Boca two weeks ago. So that's one less dentist on the list. Woody: What's this one's name again? Devan: Winter. Dr. Phillip Winter. You realize this is ridiculous, don't you? This could take us all day, Woody. I don't understand why we just don't call these dentists. Woody: People lie on the phone. Devan: And they don't in person? Woody: They do that too, but they got to look you in the eye when they do it. Trust me, this is how it gets done. It's a little thing we like to call leg work. Devan: Well, it's a dumb way to make a living. Woody: Cutting up dad bodies is a smart way to make a living? Leg work is the foundation of all police work. It's the ground game. Inch by inch. Devan: Woody? Woody: You don't get anything handed to you in this business. You got to grunt it out, one piece at a time. Devan: Yeah, uh, Woody... Woody: If you think a perp is just gonna drop in your lap without doing any-- (Woody looks over at Devan, who is standing next to a red '67 Mustang) Devan: Ugh. All that leg work. You're probably due for a massage. Dr. Phillip Winter Interrogation* Woody: Have a seat. Please, have a seat. Dr. Phillip Matthew Winter, a reputable dentist, no warrants, no arrests. Barely had a moving violation. Except for the one jaywalking, by all accounts, Mr. Boring. So how do you know this guy? Winter: Oh, my--I-- look, I-I don't, okay? I was at the federal building, I was coming back to my car, and this man right here, he attcked me. Woody: Why? Winter: I don't know. I swear, I have never seen this man before in my life. Woody: I'm sorry. You're gonna have to do a little better than that. Winter: The man just came out of nowhere, okay? He was stumbling around. He was screaming that he was going to make my life miserable. He was on drugs or drunk or something. And I just--I shoved him off me. I got in the car and I left, that was it. He was perfectly alive when I drove off. Woody: Why'd you go back to the scene? Winter: Okay, I dropped a ring that belonged to my grandmother, okay, that I am supposed to get married with today. Woody: Well, I don't think that's gonna happen, 'cause I have a lot more questions for you. Winter: Okay, well, I'm not answering them, okay? I need--I need to use the phone again. I need to call my lawyer-- Woody: Have a seat, I'll be back in two shakes. Winter: I'm getting married at 6:00 today! ME's Office* Woody: Whew! I hate this case. His word against a dad man's. Devan: Federal building's got to have surveillance cameras out the wazoo. Woody: Hey, give me some credit. I've requisitioned the tapes, and maybe someday the feds will hand them over. Garret: Excuse me. Ms. Flaherty? Beth: Dr. Macy? Garret: (to Woody and Devan) This is Beth Flaherty. She knew Joshua Goodson. Woody: What are you doing here? Beth: I got a call from my fiancee, and he's been arrested. Woody: Your fiancee? Beth: Phil Winter. Garret: You lied to me. You knew exactly how Goodson died when I came to see you. Beth: I'm sorry. Josh came to see me a couple of days ago. And he wasn't even supposed to be back for couple months, but they discharged him early. I guess he had some sort of nervous breakdown over there. And...he started seeing things and getting paranoid. Garret: What did he want? Beth: To tell me that he was still in love with me. And I told him that I was getting married today, and he...he just lost it. I guess he followed Phil and, um... (crying) How can this be happening? Devan: (quietly to Woody) You know what they say. Three's a crowd. Woody: At least now we got motive. McPhears House* Nigel: The police report said Grotz broke in through the side window on both occasions, before he was caught. Jordan: And maybe third time was a charm. All right, let's say the judge heard Grotz entering the house...maybe he came down these stairs to check it out... Judge: Who is that? What the hell do you want? I'm calling the police. Jordan: And a struggle ensued. Judge: Ah! Nigel: Hey, I've got traces of hemoglobin on the base of this, uh, doorstop here. I'm guessing this is what dented McPhears' occipital bone. Jordan: Okay, McPhears got knocked out cold. And then Grotz kept slamming his head into the floor just to finish the job. Then why would Mrs. McPhears hide her husband's body to cover for Grotz? It doesn't make any sense. Nigel: Maybe she hired Grotz to kll him? Jordan: That's a pretty big "maybe." Nigel: Well, somebody knocked the judge out with this thing. Jordan: Yeah, someone Mrs. McPhears was trying to protect. Nigel: Ya know, if he was was attcked in this room, there should still be traces of blood spatter on the walls, right? Here, give me a hand with this mirror, will ya? I want to spray behind it. Jordan: Wait a second, Nige. Nigel: What? Jordan: I remember this mirror from when I was a kid. Only it was, uh, it was over here. Something still isn't right. I remember looking through that window one night on a dare. I was eight or nine. But I remember seeing two staircases in the reflection of this mirror. Nigel: Take this off? (Nigel uses a hook to unlatch a panel from the ceiling which has stairs. They go up and enter a child's room.) Jordan: The McPhears had a secret. Nigel: The McPhears had a child. Jordan: I never knew this kid existed. Never heard a word. Why would anybody hide their little boy from the rest of the world? Nothing but picture books in here. Nigel: Maybe they never taught him to read. Jordan: Or maybe he couldn't. These are toys for a child, but...this kid's a teenager. (Jordan holds up a picture of Mrs. McPhears and a teenager) Maybe he suffered from some kind of mental retrd, or autism of some kind. Maybe Mrs. McPhears was trying to protect him? Nigel: Or maybe the judge was more concerned about protecting his political future. Jordan: That explains how the blond hairs got on the body. The boy must've known the judge was hurting his mother. Must've seen it. Or at least heard it from up here. (Judge and Mrs. McPhears arguing) Jordan: So one night the judge started hitting her. Nigel: It was nothing new. Jordan: But the beatings happened a lot, and the boy could hear them. Nigel: Only this time he went downstairs. And saw it himself. (Man grunting, woman screaming) Jordan: He tried to break it up. Nigel: Grabbed the first thing he could find. Boy: Leave her alone! Judge: Go back to your room! Boy: Stop it! Stop hurting her! Mrs. Mc Phears: Oh, god, no! Jordan: Judge McPhears probably bat them both. She blamed herself, paid her penance, and never let her son suffer a single consequence. Nigel: So she buried her husband in the house. Jordan: And never spoke of it again. *Autopsy: Goodson* (Woody and Garret are watching surveillance videotape from the parking garage) Woody: Whoo. He's telling the truth. Goodson just fell. Garret: Come on, there wasn't a drop of alcohol or drugs in the kid's system. How do you explain him stumbling around? Devan, where's that full spectrum tox screen? Devan: Uh, it's coming, right now. Woody: We've got nothing. I've got to release this guy into the arms of matrimony. It was an unfortunate accident. Garret: Unless that's what someone wants us to think. Bug, any luck on those fibers you found on Goodson's pants? Bug: Yeah, partially. So far it looks like they're upholstery. Still working on it. But check out this bruising to his heart. Garret: Something wreaked havoc on this kid's internal organs. Devan: Tox screen shows a high level of electrolytes. Woody: Meaning what? Garret: A lot of potassium in the vitreous fluid of his eye. Bug: Hyper-kalmia? I mean, it makes sense with what I'm seeing here. Devan: Well, that could mean a lot of things. Kidney failure, lupus, obstructive uropathy-- Garret: At these levels he'd be in bad shape. High fever, probably delirious. Bug: So we figured out what made him sick. Garret: But not how and why. Devan: Look at this. Potassium chlorate. More than 15 milli-equivalent in his system. Garret: Must have been handling a decent amount of the stuff. We found aluminum powder on his shoes, right? Bug: Uh-oh. Woody: Uh-oh, what? Devan: Aluminum powder and potassium chlorate. Woody: Uh-oh, what? Devan: From freshman chemistry, remember? Woody: No. Bug: Boom. Garret: He was making a bmb. Devan: His watch. It's still counting down. Garret: What time is that wedding today? Wedding* Woody: My chief will make the final decision, but since we have not found the bmb yet, it does not look like your wedding is in the cards today. Beth: I cannot believe that Josh did this. Woody: Just between you and me, whether you did anything wrong or not, resisting an officer is illegal. Winter: Well, I-- listen, I apologize. Woody: If I was a different guy, you'd spending your wedding day on a cold mattress in a four-by-four cell with some dude named Priscilla. Winter: Thank you. Woody: Consider it my gift. You look beautiful. Garret: Y'know, Woody, something's been gnawing at me all day. Woody: What's that? Garret: If Goodson was gonna blow him up anyway, why follow Winter to a parking garage to bat him up? (Cell phone rings) Yes, Macy. Uh-huh. Okay, thanks. That was Bug. Those fibers found on Goodson's pants were traced to an upholstery used only in older model Fords, dating from 1963 to 1970. Woody: '63 to '70, huh. (Woody and Garret look at each other and then the '67 Mustang they are leaning against.) Woody: Everybody get back! Get away! Go! Go! Get outta here! Move out! (Garret opens the trunk and there is only a toolbox. Woody pulls off a blanket and under it is a bmb, counting down) Woody: Fellas, fellas, a little help over here. A little help over here. McPhears House* Carver: Well, the SSA says that the McPhears moved here from Vermont a couple years after they got married. Their son might have been born before that. With both parents gone, we'll be looking for a needle in a haystack. I'm never gonna close this case. Jordan: Speak for yourself. I'm gonna see this thing through. Nigel: Some honorable judge. Didn't even squirrel away enough money to pay the electric bill. Carver: That's because he was stashing it all away in another account. Jordan: Whoa. That is almost half a million dollars. Look at this. Nigel: It's a trust fund for a John J. McPhears. Jordan: Dated last month. The bank must know where he is. *Fairfield Institute* Woman: John's been with us for about 25 years. He has the mental capacity of a six-year-old. Jordan: Did his mother visit him? Woman: Every Tuesday since he came here. They had a special bond. Very protective of each other. Jordan: Is he ever violent? Woman: Oh, no. John's very sweet-tempered. He's only been angry once since he's been here. Jordan: What triggered it? Woman: Another patient got forceful with a nurse. Had a bit of a streak in him. John got very upset. We had to restrain him. Well, he's a large man. Who knows what could have happened. (Knocking) John, it's Linda, dear. You have visitors. Jordan: Hi. John: Hello. Who are you? Jordan: I'm Jordan. John: Did you bring me anything? (Jordan hands him the picture of him and his mother that she found at the house. He stares at it.) John: It's okay, mommy. It's okay. Jordan: (to Carver) Case closed? *ME's Office* Jordan: Oh, hey. Devan: See you tomorrow. Jordan: Yeah. Hey, big plans tonight? Devan: Oh, no. I'm just gonna go home. Rent a movie. Order take-out. Jordan: Oh, see, nights like that are underrated. It's a perfectly acceptable evening. I might even take your cue. Devan: Good. Woody: Hey, Devan, you ready to do this? I'm double-parked. Devan: Yeah. Woody: Take care, Jordan. Devan: Have a nice evening. Jordan: You too. Woody: (to Devan) You look terrific. Devan: Thanks. (Woody and Devan leave together. Jordan just stares on in shock.) Goodson: March 19, 2004. So I got your letter today. You met somebody else. I think you're crazy. And I can't even look in your eyes and tell you that because I'm a thousand miles away in the middle of hate and hell and despair. I feel so alone right now. (VCR stops) Jordan: I hear you spent the day leaning against a bmb. Garret: Yeah. So what pushed this kid over the edge wasn't the wr. It was a Dear John letter. Turns out he was discharged on a section eight, mental stress. They were just following protocol, trying to keep it confidential for his own sake. Jordan: Who's to say any of us would have handled the stress any better under those circumstances? Garret: Yeah, tell me about it. How'd your case turn out? Jordan: All for the best. It's a perfect world, isn't it? Garret: You know how I told you how my number came up. That I was drafted. Jordan: Ye. Garret: I knew that if I declared pre-med, I could get a student deferment, and that's what I did. Jordan: You make it sound like a moral lapse. Garret: My best friend died that w*r. I could have fought like he did, like this kid did. But I chose not to. Jordan: And instead you ended up helping people in a different kind of struggle. Garret: That's putting a good face on it. Jordan: Well, come on, Garret. You're always telling me to let go of the past. How many times you told me that? Garret: I don't know, about 50,000. Not that it did any good. Jordan: Well, there you go. You should give yourself a break. So, I seem to recall a, uh, certain rain check. Garret: New Italian restaurant, hot waiter? Jordan: Mm-hmm. Want to grab some dinner? Garret: Let's get outta here.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x04 - Deja Past"}	foreverdreaming
*ME's Office* Garret: Hey, I thought you left an hour ago. Jordan: Look at this, Garret. The deceased--you'll notice his race is listed as colored-- was sht in the back outside of his home one night forty years ago. Guess why. Garret: No. Jordan: The day the civil rights act was passed, he went down to a white movie theater, tried to purchase a ticket. Someone got offended. Garret: Where did this come from and what's it got to do with us? Jordan: This man's son wants to reopen the case. Garret: Then he should be in Mississippi. Jordan: No, he doesn't trust them. They know who did it. They've always known. Look at this. Two trials. Two hung juries. The son has spent forty years knowing who klled his father and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I've got some vacation time stored up. Garret: Jordan. Jordan: I wanna go down there for a few days. I know it's a long sht, but I want to do this. Garret: They sht people there. Jordan: They sht people here. It's not the sixties, Garret. I'll be fine. Garret: Nigel. Nigel: Yeah. Garret: How much vacation time do you have coming? Nigel: Oh, last I checked, about three and a half weeks, people. I'm gonna go down to Barbados-- Garret: Three hundred years of hostility doesn't change in a couple of decades. Pack a bag. You're going to Mississippi with Jordan. Nigel: Say what? Jordan: Thanks, Garret. I could use the help. Garret: As a bodyguard. Nigel: Say what? Jordan: Ok, I'll book the tickets and rent the car. Nigel: Say what? {Crossing Jordan Intro} Mississippi: Gas Station* Thad: Hey, Bill. Can't stay away? Weren't you just here visiting your mama last month? Bill: That's right. Thad: Y'all from Boston? Jordan: Yeah. Thad: We played high school football together. He probably never told you he was the best linebacker this town ever had. Thad Halloran. Jordan: Jordan Cavanaugh. This is Nigel Townsend. Thad: So what y'all do up in Boston? Jordan: Well, uh... Nigel is a scientist. And I'm a doctor. So what is it exactly you do down here in Yates' Bend? Thad: I got some filling stations. And I'm the county court judge. Bill: Save you the trouble of checking, Thad. They're from the Boston Medical Examiner's office. Thad: Is that so? Well you folks enjoy your stay now, you hear? It's always good to have you home. Gimme a call, let's grab a drink or something. Nigel: Well, I, for one, feel relieved. I was picturing barefoot yahoos with banjos. *Mississippi: Mrs. Avery's House* Nigel: You call this a snack? Mrs. Avery: Well, I heard they don't feed people on airplanes anymore. Nigel: So, you play? (referring to a piano) Mrs. Avery: Oh, yes. I taught music at the high school for twenty years. I just retired a while back. Jordan: So you know why we're here, Mrs. Avery. Mrs. Avery: Yes. Because William can't let go of the past. Bill: Tell them what happened that night, mama. Mrs. Avery: From the time he was fourteen years old, my husband mowed white people's yards. He pulled their weeds. He watered their roses with his sweat. For three dollars a day. He wanted something better for his child. The son he never saw. Bill: Mama, please. Mrs. Avery: (Sighs) I begged Jackson not to go to that theater. He said somebody had to do it. He wore his only suit and tie. ~Flashback~ Voices in crowd: Hey, hey hey! Oh, my god, look! He can't be here! What the hell you'd lookin' at boy? Where'd you get that tie and suit? Mrs. Avery: He got turned away, of course. That night, I was in the kitchen, and I heard two gn blasts. ~Flashback~ (gn) Mrs. Avery: (voice over flashback) I ran out the door, and I saw Olin Price standing there with a gn. My husband was face down in the dirt. Mrs. Avery: No! No! No! Mrs. Avery: His right hand was clutching at the ground a couple of times. And then he died. I knew he was gone. I felt his soul leave his body. Jordan: Forty years is too long to wait for justice. I hope we can help. Mrs. Avery: You didn't tell them, William? Bill: No, mama. Nigel: Tell us what? Mrs. Avery: This is William's journey. Not mine. Jordan: I'm sorry, ma'am, I don't think I understand. Mrs. Avery: Forty years is too long to hold hatred in your heart. Bill: It's not about hatred; it's about justice. Mrs. Avery: (Sighs) After all this time, it's better to let god take care of it. Bill: God fell down on the job. Mrs. Avery: I will not have that talk in my house. Jordan: Maybe that's why Nigel and I are here. Maybe god wants to use us to help sort it out. ME's Office* Lily: You needed to see me? Sidney: Yes. Um, she's got needle marks on her arms, but the tox screen was negative for drugs. Lily: Okay. Sidney: Well, can you track down her doctor, you know, see if she was injecting herself with medication, like insulin, ribavarin, interferon, whatever. Lily: Wouldn't that just show up on the tox screen? Sidney: Not if she stopped taking it more than a week ago. (He hands Lily the case file.) Lily: "Susan Galtieri." Woody: Oh, man, please do not tell me you are just getting to her. Sidney: Can you handle six cases at one time? Woody: I'm currently juggling eighteen, and I'd love to clear this one. So tell me what you got. Sidney: Okay, I'm gonna make this real easy for you. I'm like 99% sure that this was a su1c1de. Woody: Okay, as much as I'd love to close this case, I'm having a little difficulty swallowing that. For one thing, I could not find her ex-husband. He's not at home, he's not at his office. Sidney: Look at this. You see these superficial little cuts? That's textbook hesitation marks. Woody: Maybe you're going a little too textbook on this one. Garret: Is there a problem here? Sidney: No. (Loud arguing in hallway) Lily: Excuse me! Excuse me! Woody: Hey, hey, separate corners, everybody! Separate corners! Separate corners! Lady #1: You don't give a damn about her! Lady #2: This man's got no business here! Garret: Okay, who's who? Mr. Galtieri: My wife's here. Lady #2: Ex-wife. Mr. Galtieri: Susan Galtieri. Woody: All right, you I got to talk to. Lily: Ladies, please. Mr. Galtieri: I went by her house this morning to check on her. There was crime scene tape everywhere, an officer told me I should come here. Woody: Why'd you check up on her? Mr. Galtieri: She had cancer. Woody: According to the neighbors, you checked up on her yesterday too. Mr. Galtieri: The doctor gave her six months. Just because we're divorced doesn't mean I didn't care. Lady #2: You're not going to give Susan's body to him, are you? We want to take care of her-- of her funeral. Lily: Was their divorce final? Lady #1: Yes. Lily: Then there's no claim. We can only release decedents to their family members. Lady #2: She didn't have any family. She only had us. The cancer patients' support group. Lily: I am...so sorry. The law says it has to be a relative. Lady #2: Well, what happens if there aren't any? Lily: The state takes care of it. Lady #1: No. (Starts sobbing) *Mississippi: Avery House* Jordan: Okay. So the people we know were part of the conspiracy and cover-up were the kller-- Bill: Olin Price. Nigel: The four cops who testified that Price was with them at the time of the shting-- Bill: Are all dad now. Jordan: Old Judge Halloran. Mrs. Avery: Also passed. Jordan: And the so-called doctor who performed the slapdash autopsy. Mrs. Avery: Dr. Anderson's a good man. (Bill clears his throat) He could've gone away and gotten rich, but he came home because the people here needed him. Bill: So where do we start? Jordan: Ma'am, how was your husband's health? Mrs. Avery: Jackson was strong as an ox. Jordan: So there's no way birdshot could have klled him at fifty feet. I need an explanation of that. So I will start with the doctor. Mississippi: Doctor Anderson's* Nigel: (looking into the back window of a pickup) Wow. Two rfles and a gn. That's more like what I expected. But who needs that? Bill: Never know when you might need to sh*t a 'con. (Two men leave the doctor's house.) Nigel: I believe the doctor's in. Bill: That's Olin Price with him. Olin: How's your mama doing, Bill? Bill: Still a widow...Olin. Olin: I know who y'all are. Jordan: Then you know why we're here. Olin: I believe I do, little lady. I believe I do. (Olin gets in his pickup and drives off) Jordan: Okay, then. Dr. Anderson: I wasn't a pathologist. Forty years ago, I was barely a doctor at all. Jordan: I'm just trying to understand how birdshot could've been deadly at that range. You know that your autopsy report makes no sense. You know that the cause of death is wrong. Dr. Anderson: All I can tell you is that the police found two birdshot casings at the scene, and the victim was dad. Jordan: And you found birdshot pellets in the body? Dr. Anderson: Do you have any kind of official standing? Jordan: No. Does that affect the truth? Dr. Anderson: Four police officers testified, twice, that Olin Price was with them at the time of the shting? Jordan: Mrs. Avery testified, twice, that she saw him standing over her husband's body with a gn in his hands. And you are deflecting every question I've been asking. Dr. Anderson: Mississippi was a very different place forty years ago. And nobody wants to go back. Jordan: You're a doctor. You know that sometimes you have to open an old wound in order to cure the infection. Dr. Anderson: Only if you're sure the wound is infected. Jordan: A cold-blooded kller walking free for forty years? It's not just infected, it's oozing. Dr. Anderson: If you'll excuse me, I have a patient waiting. It was nice meeting you, Doctor. ME's Office* Lily: Garret. Are there any circumstances under which a body can be released to non-family members? Garret: If the deceased left a will stating that preference, sure. Who're we talking about? Lily: Susan Galtieri. The woman Sidney and Woody were fighting over. Garret: It doesn't have to be close family. It could be third cousin twice removed, it could be your mother's sister's daughter's aunt. Lily: That would be your mother. Garret: You know what I mean. Lily: Yeah. Thanks. Garret: Unclaimed bodies go out of here every day. What makes this one special? Lily: The devotion of friends. *Mississippi: Police Station* Nigel: Look, either the evidence was preserved or it wasn't, ya know? Officer: Just keep your shirt on, Mister. Forty years is a long time. (Police chief and Olin Price come walking in) Police Chief: Oh, hey, Bill, I heard you were in town. Bill: I'm sure you did. Got all your ducks in a row? Police Chief: Don't be gettin' all paranoid on us, now, Bill. Bill: (face to face with Olin) You got away with mrder for forty years. Time's up. It's over, Price. Olin: Get out of my way, nggr. (Bill shoves Olin) Police Chief: For god's sake, Olin. Nigel: Bill, Bill, Bill! It's not worth it. Now, the evidence in the Jackson Avery klling: Is it still around? Police Chief: Yeah. Are you sure you want to go through with this? Bill: You know he klled my father. You know he got a pass. Police Chief: And you know we've come a long way from then. We don't need any strangers picking our scabs. Nigel: Are you going to let us look at the evidence or not? Would you rather have the news media? Or the federal authorities? Autopsy: Susan Galtieri * Garret: Explain to me why you think this might be su1c1de. Sidney: No defensive wounds, no myocardial ischemia, no sign of a struggle, and no foreign tissue under her nails. Garret: All right, we've got two nicks. Splicing defect of the rib and the heart. So the Knfe caught on this rib, then was repositioned and thrust deeper on the second try. That doesn't scream su1c1de to me. Sidney: Liver cancer. Garret: Right. Sidney: She'd just finished a debilitating round of chemo. I mean, there was only 20% shrinkage of the tumor. I mean, she was terminal. And depressed. She could've repositioned the Knfe herself for the second thrust. Garret: Not likely. She'd have to be impervious to pain. Sidney: Or really determined. And I think she was. Garret: Something you want to learn, Sidney: Don't jump to conclusions. Look at the evidence, consider the possibilities, do the math. Sidney: And I did. And it's my considered professional opinion this woman committed su1c1de. *Mississippi: Avery House* Jordan: Ma'am, can I ask you something? I asked Bill this on the plane, but he didn't really have an answer. Why now? Mrs. Avery: William turned forty a couple of months ago, and it all just came crashing down on him. Forty's when it hits you how little time you got left. Forty's when his father died. Nigel: He really didn't want to give it up, but silver-tongued devil that I am. Jordan: That box isn't nearly big enough for the gn to be in there. Nigel: Well, we did ask the Chief about that, and he pled ignorance. "Before my time," he said. Jordan: Do you see the gn shells in there? Nigel: Let's be methodical, luv. Police report. Oh, the autopsy report that started it all. (Jordan dumps the box out) Jordan-- Jordan: Okay, one, two, three... Nigel: Four. Bill: My mother heard two blasts. Why are there four shells? Jordan: I have no idea. Nigel: This one's birdshot. Jordan: So's this one, but these two are twelve-gauge buckshot. Bill: These weren't a part of the evidence. No one ever even mentioned buckshot. Jordan: I want that gn. Bill: And it's gonna tell us what? Nigel: See that mark right there? That's where the fring pin strikes. Every gn has its own signature. It's kinda like the striations on a bllet. *ME's Office* Sidney: Dr. Macy. The Susan Galtieri report? How did manner of death go from su1c1de to undetermined? Garret: I changed it. Sidney: Why? Garret: The second Knfe thrust. That needs to be explained. Woody: Hey. That my report? And I know you did not rule it a su1c1de. Sidney: I did. However, I was overruled. Woody: There a problem here? Garret: No. Woody: "Homicide" would be better, but "undetermined" is okay, I can work with "undetermined." Sidney: She committed su1c1de. Woody: Here's some friendly advice for you, kid. If your boss with twenty-odd years of experience-- Sidney: Look, I don't know what happened in the house, but I'm telling you, forensic science says-- Woody: The ex-husband was on the premises shortly before the woman was found dad. Oh, by the way, all the doorknobs were wiped clean. Sidney: She could've done that herself. You do know people polish their own doorknobs. Woody: They had a terrible relationship. He thrat her when she left him. Oh, and he's still her beneficiary for a million dollars. Sidney: She was dying. All he had to do was wait. Woody: Well, apparently he did not want to. Renewed his passport five days ago and bought a one-way ticket to Tenerife. Anyway, I arrested him. Sidney: Well, you don't need me anymore, then. Mississippi: Avery House* (Door shuts, Jordan is jumpy) Bill: Oh, did I scare you? Sorry. I couldn't sleep. What are you doing? Jordan: I'm just trying to find some hint about what happened to that gn. Bill: Jordan, I really appreciate y'all coming down here. Jordan: We may never find this gn. Tomorrow I'm going to apply for an exhumation order. Bill: What? Jordan: You must've known that we'd need to examine your father's body. Bill: Well, d-does he have to be disturbed? I mean, this will kll my mother. Jordan: I won't do anything without talking to your mother first. (gn cocks) (gn through window) Mrs. Avery: William? Nigel: No! (gn) Mrs. Avery: William! Nigel: Get down! Get down. (gn) (Car door slams, motor accelerating) Bill: I'm sorry. ~Next morning~ Nigel: Your neighbors say that you have to eat something. Jordan: Hey, Nigel. Could you call Garret? Give him all the information we have. Just in case. Nigel: Yep. Mrs. Avery: Jackson and I lived in a tarpaper shack. William built is house for me five years ago. Saved up his money so he could pay the builder in cash. Jordan: Well... I'm sorry. I guess this is why you didn't want us coming down here. Mrs. Avery: William's got to travel his own road, like everybody else. Jordan: Well, you did a great job with him. Mrs. Avery: I just wish he would find his peace about his father. Jordan: It's kinda hard to find peace with Olin Price walking around free. Mrs. Avery: He's not free. His wife's got Alzheimer's. They got no kids, and there's nobody but him to take care of her. All I would ever want from Olin Price is an apology. Jordan: I need to exhume your husband's body. Mrs. Avery: Jackson deserves his rest. Jordan: There's no other way. Bill, there's no other way. Bill: Mama. For me to find my peace, I've got to know. (Mrs. Avery starts crying) Garret: No, do not try to downplay it, listen, I-- I told Jordan this would happen. All right, just pack up and get the hell out of there. Both of you. Now. Nigel: I'm not even going to try and sell that to her. I've gotta go, Dr. Macy. ME's Office* Lily: (Yawns) Hi. Garret: You're in early. Lily: You too. Last night I went to a meeting of the support group that Susan Galtieri attended. It was unbelievable, Garret. They're in pain, they're queasy, they're frail. A lot of them are going to die soon. But the love and support they give each other. Oh. There was more laughter and courage in that room than I have ever seen. Garret: How many of them commit su1c1de when it gets really bad? Lily: They all have times when that seems like the best solution, but they carry each other through it. Most of the time. Garret: (Knock on door) Yes, Sidney? Sidney: Susan Galtieri? The su1c1de? What about her? Just so you know, I called her ex-husband's lawyer. To offer my expert opinion. He seemed pleased. (Garret stands there for a few seconds and then goes to leave but Lily stops him) Lily: Wait until you calm down. If you do it now, you'll kll him. Mississippi: Avery House* Lady: Mr. Avery and my father were like brothers. Mama told me daddy cried the whole time he was embalming the body. Jordan: We'll let you know what we find. Bill: I want to see him. Jordan: That's not a good idea. After forty years-- Bill: I want to see him. (Nigel opens the casket) Nigel: My god. Jordan: (to the lady) How can this be? Lady: It was July. There was no air conditioning. Daddy knew the viewing would go on for a couple of days. He used four times the normal strength of embalming fluid. (Camera shows the body: it is in perfect condition) *ME's Office* Garret: I want to talk to you. The rest of you, find somewhere else to be. Now! The only reason I'm not fring you is that you have the makings of a first-rate medical examiner. Sidney: You should trust my-- Garret: Don't... speak. When I overrule you, you can talk to me about it. But if you ever again take it to the level of pig-headed insubordination. I swear to god you're gonna be out on your ass- Woody: Where the hell do you get off? I'm desperately scrambling to get this Galtieri bastard sewed up, and you go and chop me off at the knees! Sidney: First of all, let me tell you something the first thing you learn-- Woody: He klled her! Sidney: The forensics support su1c1de. Garret: (SCREAMING!) Shut up! Both of ya! (Calmer now) The forensics support su1c1de. Except for one thing-- second Knfe thrust, so I'm with you. It's hard to believe she did that herself. Now, if we can reconcile that, gentlemen, we're done. Mississippi: Autopsy: Jackson Avery* Nigel: Why are there still people here who want to cover up for Olin Price? Jordan: You are asking the wrong person. Nigel: It's just been driven underground, hasn't it, the racism? It's right there under the surface. Jordan: I think maybe the surface is just a little deeper than it used to be, that's about all. Nigel: I know, it's creepy. Jordan: Even if we don't find the real answer, we can testify this is way more damage than you'd get from birdshot. Nigel: Hmm. Jordan: Ah-hah. Twelve-gage buckshot. Lady: Found something? Jordan: Yeah, proof the doctor lied. Nigel: It doesn't give us Olin Price. Jordan: Yeah, you're right. We really need to find that gn. Lady: Probably at the judge's house. The old judge, Thad's daddy, kept souvenirs from all his cases. Had a kind of museum in his parlor. Bill: That can't be the right gn. Thad Halloran would have never given it to you that easy. His dad was part of the cover-up. Jordan: The serial numbers match. I don't know, maybe Halloran wanted to come clean. (Nigel takes a sht with the gn) Jordan: Ay, these casings are the buckshot. We match this gn to those casings, we've got enough to force somebody to reopen this case officially. Nigel: (Sighs) They don't match. Jordan: They have to. Nigel: They don't match. (Jordan switches out one of the casings for another one) That's not gonna match. We know he wasn't ht with the birdshot. Bill: The birdshot matches? Jordan: Yes. Bill: But he wasn't ht with birdshot. Jordan: The answer is here. We just don't know what it is yet. Mississippi: Doctor Anderson's* Jordan: You missed one. Dr. Anderson: I didn't miss it. I left it there. It sure took forever for somebody to find it. (Jordan and Bill are walking) Jordan: Dr. Anderson said he hoped the feds would take over the case and redo the autopsy. They'd find the buckshot pellet, and then he could say that he had no choice, he had to tell the truth. Bill: Come on, he's just covering his ass. If he had any remorse, he wouldn't have waited until he got caught to start showing it. Jordan: You didn't see him. (Back at Dr. Anderson's) Dr. Anderson: For forty years... I have been balanced on what seemed like... a single point of time. Just waiting for somebody braver than I was to do the right thing. I'd just started my practice. I had a wife, two small children. And I did what they told me to do. Bill: And what was that? Dr. Anderson: I filled out a new autopsy form. I put in birdshot instead of buckshot. Bill: What-Why would they want you to do that? What was it about this damn birdshot? Dr. Anderson: Olin Price did play poker with the four cops that night. ~Flashback with voiceover~ They were all upset over what your father did that day. And they decided that somebody had to do something about it. They were drinking. The drunker they got, the more stupid the plan got. One of the cops got a gn that couldn't be traced to Price. They fired it off. (Two gn) Olin drove across town to your parents' house assuming he'd have to kick the door in. But your dad was just getting home from an NAACP meeting at the church. Two gn. Mrs. Avery: No! Dr. Anderson: Price was so drunk he didn't realize that what they'd discharged back at his place was birdshot. He used his own gn to kll your father. But left the other one, the one that matched the birdshot, the one that couldn't be traced to him, at the scene. Bill: If that's what happened, why was there buckshot in the evidence case? Dr. Anderson: One week after the klling... I borrowed Olin's gn. Told him I had to kll some rats. I discharged it in the woods, and I kept the shell casings. I kept them for six years before I got up the nerve to go out to the warehouse and slip them into the evidence box. Bill: How do you even know that was the right gn? Dr. Anderson: I didn't care. I just wanted to point in the right direction, if there was ever anybody interested. Bill: Well, If you knew you'd done wrong-- Dr. Anderson: Your father was already dad. I didn't want my children to grow up without a father too. William, I was the first person to see you when you came into this world. I'm so sorry. (Back at the Avery house. Jordan gets a note tucked in behind the screen door) Jordan: Nigel went to the beauty parlor with your mom. I would pay to see that. Look, you haven't said a word since we left Dr. Andersons'. Bill: My mom's right, you know? Let god take care of Olin Price. Jordan: You can't be serious. Bill: "Balanced on a single point of time." That's what it's like, you know. One event overshadows everything else in your life, until you realize you don't have a life at all. Jordan: You're asking me to be a part of a whole new cover-up. Bill: You don't have any real evidence. Just stop now. My mom's not gonna get dragged through another trial. Dr. Anderson can keep whatever shred of self-esteem he's got left. Olin's wife won't lose her only caretaker. And I can finally put my father where he belongs. In my heart. Just in my heart. Jordan: What about Price? Bill: You met him. You don't think he's in his own hell? *Susan Galtieri's House * Woody: She was sitting here just like this. Garret: I know what you've got. What about you? Woody: I've got abusive jerk ex-husband who just happened to show up around the same time that she died with a million-dollar motive. Now, I do not believe that she got the Knfe halfway through her chest, then wiggled it around to clear the ribcage. And thrust it the rest of the way in. I mean, come on, people. How much would that have to hurt? Sidney: Wow, so you think she just sat there while he did it? She didn't resist him? Scratch him? Grab the Knfe? Her adrenaline didn't spike? Is that really easier for you to believe? Garret: Why does the ex-husband still inherit? Woody: She never changed the paperwork. She had other things on her mind. Like terminal cancer. Garret: This is a nice little house, but it doesn't say "millionaire" to me. Woody: The inheritance, life insurance. Two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, with a quadruple homicide indemnity. Garret: Was there a pen on the table? Woody: No, on the floor. Why? Garret: Right, you dug your heels in. Gotta be su1c1de. Gotta be mrder. You're both right, but you're both wrong. If she was mrder, Galtieri rakes in a million bucks. Woody: Not if he klled her. Garret: But if she did it herself... Sidney: Well, he gets nothing. Garret: She was in pain, just found out she was terminal. She couldn't take it anymore. The first thrust klled her. Woody: So jerk-o ex-husband comes in... sees her dad, sees the note she left... sees a million smackeroos go up in smoke. Sidney: So then he proceeds to make it look like mrder. If we can't prove it, he gets away with a million. Garret: Not if Woody gets him convicted for mrder. Woody: Not much of a chance of that happening, with two testifying on behalf of the defense. Garret: Okay, drop the mrder charge. Rearrest him for tampering with evidence. Sidney and I will find a way to make it stick. Right? Sidney: Yes, sir. (Garret and Sidney shake hands) Garret: Woody? (Garret and Woody shake hands) Now you two. (Woody and Sidney shake hands) Good. Woody: It's a tie. Sidney: su1c1de. *Mississippi: Gas Station* Nigel: Well, I have to tell you, Jordan, I'm, uh... I'm really proud and, uh... quite amazed by you. Never a million years would I have ever have thought you capable of acceding to someone else's wishes. Especially when they ran counter to your own. Jordan: Hey. Nigel: I mean, have you ever done that before? Stop obsessing just because somebody asked you? Jordan: Bill Avery finally got to a place where he doesn't need blood for blood. I wouldn't want to mess with that. Nigel: See, that's exactly what I'm talking about! That's not the Jordan I know. (Tires screeching) Company. Olin: Heard you were all leaving, thought you might need an escort back out of town. Jordan: Hey, wasn't that gn rack full before? Nigel: Yeah, there was another gn. What happened to it? Olin: It's in the bed there. (Nigel uncovers a blown up gn) Jordan: Nice. How'd you do it? Olin: I packed the barrels with mud, and tied a string to the trigger, stood back, and boom. Nigel: Good job. Olin: I hated to do it. My daddy got me that gn for my twelfth birthday. Jordan: What, to kll birds with? Olin: Well, nah. 'cons, more like it. Jordan: (with passion) You think we're leaving because you bat us? Your drunken plan to kll Jackson Avery was so numbingly stupid it took us two days to figure it out. Two days. The card game, the drinking, the gn that wasn't yours, the gn that was yours, the idiotic mistake with the birdshot, the faked-up autopsy. No, we are leaving because the Avery's asked us to. You see, they're nicer people than we are. Yeah. (Nigel tries to get her to leave) No, no. They actually care who will take care of your wife. God, you were so close, you half-wit. One call to the state police, I could have you arrested and charged before nightfall. And you think I'm going to worry about your wife? Well, you don't know me very well. And this time, you know what, no all-white jury, bigot. You will be convicted. You will rot in prison. Or-- or, you know what, you get in our car. We drive you to the Avery's' house, where you apologize to them for what you did forty years ago. If they have questions for you, you answer them. With respect! That's my offer. Your choice. Your move. *ME's Office* Lily: I've trolled every genealogical data base I could find. There just aren't any relatives. Massachusetts doesn't treat unclaimed bodies with disrespect. There's no Potter's field. You're given a real burial in a real cemetery, and the state pays for it. Lady #2: One of the things we talk about in the support group is death. We talk about it a lot. Lady #1: We know what Susan wanted if she didn't make it. Lady #2: And we promised her we'd take care of it if...if the time came. (Lily pauses, gets up and closes the door to her office) Lily: Fill out this form. You are the third cousin twice removed. Lady #1: Will you get in trouble? Lily: No. Lady #1: You're sure? Lily: Yes. *Mississippi: Avery House* Olin; I-uh, Mrs. Avery, I-I'm sorry. I apologize. Mrs. Avery: I'd be more inclined to believe you mean that if you would show me the respect of taking your hat off in my house. (After a long pause, Olin takes his hat off. Mrs. Avery sighs.) *ME's Office* Garret: And so it was all for nothing? Jordan: I wouldn't say that. (Jordan walks out of the office with a calmness and a smile.) I wouldn't say that at all.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x05 - Justice Delayed"}	foreverdreaming
ME Office* Garret: (Elevator bell dings) Well, that's it, heat's out in the entire building. Lily: Oh, great. Coldest night of the year. Jordan: I don't get it. Two days ago, it was sixty degrees. What's next, plagues? Garret: Anyone know what time it is? Fifteen hundred bucks for this piece of-- Jordan: Six, same as the temperature. Lily: I'm getting my coat. Garret: What, are you leaving? Lily: Leaving? When any normal human would be in bed under the covers? Perish the thought. Garret: A simple "no" would have sufficed. Lily: No! Garret: What's she so cranky about? Jordan: Can't imagine. Only took me a half an hour to thaw my car out to get to this iceberg. Nigel: Just the tip of the iceberg, I'm afraid. Garret: There any space heaters down in storage, Nigel? Nigel: I'll have a look. Jordan: Tip of what iceberg? Nigel: It's the freakish weather, luv. It's in the stars. See, not only is Mercury in retrograde, but it's a blue moon out there. It's the second full moon in the same month. Happens about once every two to three years. And the chances of it happening while Mercury is in retrograde? Garret: Heaters, Nigel. Nigel: Let's just say we should all be prepared for a very interesting evening. Garret: If only we could harness that hot air. Jordan: Or we could just set his desk on fre. Guy: (Door opens) Here. Garret: Help Nigel with the heaters, will ya? Guy: You got it, Dr. Macy. Jordan: Who was that? Garret: No idea. Woody: Jordan, Dr. Macy, I need you guys! Jordan: What is it, Woody? Woody: I'm looking for a male, mid-fifties, head shaved nearly bald, deep cut in his upper arm. Landed here in the last 24 hours. Garret: Head shaved, deep cut? Wait a minute, Leviathan, he started again? Jordan: Who? What are you guys talking about? Garret: Leviathan. Woody: He's a serial kller. Garret: He started klling after you left Boston back in '95. Woody: The police would get a letter announcing his kll, then the next day, we'd find his victim. And why is it so freezing in here? Garret: I thought he'd stopped. Woody: Yeah, so did we, for nearly four years, then this morning that letter arrives. Jordan: (reading letter) "Another wicked soul now cleansed of sin awaits your discovery." Woody: But I really think we got our guy this time. The boss wants me to keep this on the super d-l until we can confirm it. Garret: Who's your suspect? Woody: His name is Kimball. Undercover in narcotics scooped him up out in Roxbury trying to score. Got a match on his prints to a partial lifted nine years ago off one of the first victims. Garret: Is he talking? Woody: No. He doesn't even know he's a suspect yet. He's got a super-clean record, totally below the radar. He's cooling his jets off back at the precinct. Garret: So you can't hold him for very long. Woody: No, not without new evidence. That's why I'm hoping if you guys have a body here, you can give me something forensically to help trip him up. Jordan: Hey, guys. Garret: Brady Fisher. He came in this morning. Woody: Whatever clues he'll give us. Jordan: Looks like he's full of them. You got it, Woody. Garret: We'll call you. Go. Jordan: What was it Nigel was saying about this being an interesting evening? {Crossing Jordan Intro} *Trace: Brady Fisher* Jordan: Guy's built like a linebacker. Missing persons says he coached football. So how does one Leviathan take down a guy like this? Garret: There's no defensive wounds, he wasn't knocked unconscious. Top of his head's been shaved, but no sign of bruising. Jordan: You think the gift shop sells mittens? Garret: Thought you were done complaining. Jordan: Soon as I'm done freezing. Garret: This pattern's been cut and re-cut into his skin. Not allowed to heal. Jordan: There's nothing on his clothes. Leviathan knows what he's doing. Garret: Petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes consistent with strangulation. Ligature marks on the wrists and ankles. Jordan: This adhesive around the mouth. Some kind of tube was stuck down him and taped off. There's bruising and hemorrhaging in his esophagus. Nigel: I feel like Santa’s helper. Here's the autopsy results from his last eight victims. And trust me, "cold storage" is not a misnomer. Guy: Excuse me, Dr. Macy. Detective Seely's here to see you. Says it's urgent. Garret: Get Bug to help him. Guy: Thought this might help. Jordan: I'm sure that'll warm the cockles of my heart. Nigel: Who was that? *Police Precinct: Leviathan Case* Kimball: Look, I'm sorry that I was rude before. Santana: You're about to learn the meaning of rude. Woody: Excuse me. Are you Santana? Santana: Detective Santana, narcotics. Woody: Detective Woody Hoyt, homicide. Kimball: Homicide? What's going on? Woody: Uh, just one second, sir. Detective Santana, right? I'll be taking this case over from now on. Santana: Excuse me? The case. It's mine. You are not taking my collar. Kimball: Look, I was not buying drugs. It was an illegal u-turn. Just write me a ticket and I'll pay the fine. And these cuffs, are they really necessary? Woody: No, not at all, sir. Let me get those for you, sir. Santana: What are you doing? Woody: As I said before, I'm taking over. Santana: The hell you are. Sit down and don't touch anything. Alright, we seem to be having a little problem here. Woody: Yeah, the problem here is, me homicide, you narcotics. Santana: And he, my collar, Tarzan. Woody: I don't think you have any idea who you have in there. Santana: Actually, Detective, I know exactly who he is. Woody: I see your game. You're trying to make a move. Santana: Hey, it's the American way. Can't blame a girl for getting her slice of the pie. You don't have a problem with that, do you? Woody: Actually, I do. 'Cause it's my case. Santana: I have been chasing dope dealers down alleys for three and a half years now. This case is my ticket out. Homicide. Woody: Highest profile case to come into this precinct in over a year? You think they're gonna let you take the lead? Santana: For now, yeah. Hey, they wanted "below the radar" on this one? Well, no one's more below the radar than me. But if you want to ask the Captain about this, we can let him decide. *ME's Office* Seely: Small-caliber gn wound to the chest. Your standard b&e gone south. sht confessed already. What? Bug: Oh, I've never seen you not wearing a suit before. Seely: And I never knew you paid attention. Bug: So what is it that can't wait till the morning? Seely: The bllet. There was no exit wound, so it should be still in him. Suspect produced a gn. Now all I need is a ballistics match. Bug: I thought you said you had a confession. Seely: I do. Captain says I still need a match. Alright, the truth is I'm in trouble. I kind of screwed up my last case, and I've got a review comin' up tomorrow. Bug: (whispering) Oh. Seely: Captain says he needs a bllet, I've gotta get him that bllet. End of story. Ah, Miss Lebowski. Looking good as usual. Lily: Sure. In my parka. Seely: I see you've met my Vic. A real pack rat this one. Newspapers stacked up, cats everywhere. One of those, you know. Lily: Where's the suit? Seely: Can't a guy evolve without commentary? (Scoffs) Oh, there he is. Nasty, huh? (Cat snarls and jumps out of the body bag. The cat has blood on its mouth) (Both screaming) (Snarling) Seely: Well, there's something you don't see every day. Bug: Well, now that the cat's out of the bag... (Chuckles) Lily: That is not funny! Here kitty, kitty, kitty. Bug: So where, exactly, was he sht? Seely: At home. Bug: Where on the body? Seely: Oh. In the belly. Oh! Hey, that hole was not there at the scene. Bug: That bllet you were looking for? Seely: Yeah, what about it? Bug: Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Lily: Here, kitty, kitty. Boston Police Precinct* Woody: Excuse me. Detective Santana? Kimball: Please tell me I can go home. Woody: Not just yet, sir. You, me, out there, now. Santana: Again with the Tarzan talk. Sugar? Kimball: You got any of that low-carb sweetener? Santana: I'll have a look. Kimball: And I'd kll for a cigarette. Woody: Sorry, sir, this is a smoke-free building. Kimball: Great. Woody: Laws are laws. Kimball: Not like in the movies, huh? Santana: So, you talk to the captain yet? Woody: Yes. Santana: And? Woody: It looks like we're a team. Santana: Ouch. So I'm stuck with you? Woody: (Laughs) I think you actually have that backwards. Santana: So how you wanna play this? Woody: Alright, first thing you're going to do is breathe. (Breathes out) You need to relax. You're acting way too eager-beaver in there, alright? Then we're going to establish a relationship. We're going to gain his trust. If he catches us in a lie, we lose any edge we have. Santana: I know my way around. Woody: Well, you sure know how to pour coffee. Santana: Laugh now, but soon as this guy's gotta pee real bad, he'll start talking. Woody: Oldest trick in the book. ME's Office* Nigel: Look at this. Carvings on the previous victims. Garret: No one ever figured out what they signified. Nigel: No, no, no, they're different. They're different than what's on our new guy. Jordan: Oh, yeah. The cut lines in the photo are bland, less defined. Garret: Like they're muted or washed out. Nigel: Exactly. The old markings weren't clear because the blood had been leached out by water. And there was sloughing on the face and the appendages. Jordan: The victims were drowned? Nigel: Apparently over a period of days. Brought to the brink of drowning over and over again. Then asphyxiated. Jordan: Lovely. Garret: The skin here shows normal decomp and damage for cold exposure. No water damage. Jordan: So either Leviathan changed his ritual or we're dealing with a copycat. *Boston Police Precinct* Woody: What were you doing in the neighborhood, Gordon? It's cool if I call you Gordon? Kimball: Like I told this lady, I was coming from church. I made a u-turn across a double yellow to go buy some smokes. End of story. Santana: It's a crack corner in a cesspool neighborhood. A preppy-looking guy like you makes a u-turn, I think we know what you're doing there. Kimball: I told you, I was at church. Saint Luke’s. Georgia Avenue. Woody: At an AA meeting? You've got one of these five-year coins in your personal effects. Kimball: No. I mean, yes, I'm five years sober. But no, it wasn't a meeting. I was receiving communion if you must know. Woody: That would explain the wafer. Or the, uh...Eucharist. We spelled that correctly, right? Santana: I looked it up. Kimball: So I had a Eucharist on me, so what? Woody: Relax, Gordon, we're just talking. We're just talking. Alright, to be completely honest with you, we're pretty sure this is a mistake, but the reason we're keeping you here is that your fingerprint caused a slight hiccup in our database and-- Kimball: What kind of hiccup? Woody: Like I said, we're pretty sure it's a mistake. Kimball: You said you worked homicide. You don't think I, like, klled someone, do you? Woody: The wafer... the, uh, Eucharist. Why do you still have it? Santana: Right 'cause, see, in my church, we receive it right on our tongue from the priest. Kimball: So do I. Then I take a second one for my upstairs neighbor. He's 96. Look, you have my address right there, go ask him. Woody: Don't worry, we will. Kimball: Well, while you're there, I've got a half a pack of butts on my dresser. Seriously, detectives, I need a cigarette over here. I'm sorry, I'm just-- Woody: It's alright. Don't be sorry. Totally understandable. I'd be freakin' out if I were you. I mean, come on, no priors. Kimball: Never so much as a speeding ticket. Woody: Oh, you're from around here. Kimball: Pretty much. Medford. You know Medford? Woody: Nah. I'm from Wisconsin. Santana: I know Medford. Whereabouts? Kimball: Wilson Drive. Santana: Wilson, sure. Kimball: I grew up across from Spyro's pizza. Santana: You're kidding me. I love Spyro's. Kimball: Well, yeah, who doesn't? It's the best Sicilian in town. Santana: That crispy crust? Kimball: Oh, my god, the crust, right? Woody: Spyro's, huh? Sounds like I gotta try this place. Kimball: Yeah, you could. If there was a Spyro's pizza. Or a Wilson Drive for that matter. And while I appreciate the refreshments... you should know I have an almost freakish capacity to hold my bladder. It's a gift, really. Fill 'em up. ME's Office* (An x-ray of the cat is being held up) Seely: Huh, I almost feel sorry for the little guy. But it's a sacrifice he'll be making in the name of justice. Lily: Wait, are you talking about-- Seely: Yeah, well, how else are we gonna get it out? Lily: Are you insane? You can't cut him open! Seely: What, do you have a better idea? Lily: Yes, I have a better idea! We wait for nature to take its course. Seely: Oh, right. Sit around for hours, maybe days, so you can dig around in his litter box. Lily: Who said anything about me? Seely: Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna do it! Lily: You are heartless, do you know that? (to the cat) He's heartless, don't listen to him. Seely: Oh, it's just a cat! Lily: Cats are beautiful, and affectionate. Seely: When they want something. Otherwise they're like a bad roommate. They live in your house and eat your food, but try getting a ride to the airport out of them. Lily: We're not having this conversation. We are waiting for you to pass this bllet, and that is all there is to it. Boston Police Precinct* Woody: What's say we try this again? Listen, I know this has been hard. But we're still trying to sort out that whole fingerprint glitch. Kimball: Mm-hmm. Well maybe we can sort it out without you lying to me this time. Woody: Yeah, um, about that. I wanna apologize for Detective Santana. She's young and, if you ask me, a little pushy. Kimball: A regular bad cop, huh? Woody: Listen, Gordon. I'm not trying to play you here. Okay, I've got nothing against you. Kimball: Apology accepted. I'm a good judge of character. You have an honest face. Woody: A regular open book. Kimball: Must be a liability in your line of work. Woody: It is, yeah. Ya know... sometimes... even I wonder if I'm cut out for this job. Ya know... I'm just too knowable. I don't got one of those poker faces. What you see is what you get. You know what I mean? Kimball: I do. Yeah. Woody: It makes you wonder... a couple of normal guys like us. I just can't let this job get me too jaded. I see things that people just should not see. Kimball: Yeah. I can imagine. So where is she? Woody: Where's who? Kimball: Your partner. She watching us? Woody: Yeah, she's watching us. (Cell phone ringing) This is Hoyt. Hey, Tommy, what's going on-- hold on a second. I'm gonna take this outside. (Door opens, closes) Whatcha got? *Kimball's Apartment* Santana: Who's Tommy? Woody: Never mind. You find anything? Santana: It's clean. And I mean clean. His cigarettes are right where he said they'd be. Still can't believe that son of a bitch got me. Woody: Yeah, he's smart. Scary smart. Santana: I found a mass card. "Beloved father. Died in '95." Woody: '95... Nine years ago. The same year Leviathan started klling. Santana: What do we know about Kimball's family? Woody: Not nearly enough. Santana: I think we should start with the father. Woody: Why? What about him? Santana: The only picture in the whole place is of him with his dad. And I think I recognize the church he's standing in front of. Saint Luke’s. Woody: Same church our boy takes his communion. All right, see ya. Autopsy: Brady Fisher* Garret: Alright, are we ready? Bug: Let her rip. (As Garret cuts open the body, a greenish/yellowish liquid spews out of the abdomen area) Garret: Well, even for me, that was disgusting. Bug: Yeah, and now my feet are cold and wet. Garret: But now we know he was drowned, just from the inside out. Bug: Which would explain the tube down his throat. Meaning it was no copycat. Garret: No, it's Leviathan, alright. Question is, does Woody know it yet? *Boston Police Precinct* Woody: (Door slams) That's a pretty cool lighter. Let me check that out? Yeah, a classic. My old man had one of these. Kimball: Did he now? Woody: Yeah. What about your old man? What about him? I don't know, tell me something about him. Did he smoke? Kimball: Until it klled him. Woody: Mom? Kimball: Her too. Woody: Brothers, sisters? Kimball: Nope. Just me. Alright. Now it's your turn. I mean, since we're getting to know one another here. Woody: I got a younger brother back in Wisconsin. And, uh, like you, both my parents have passed away. Kimball: How? Woody: My mother died of cancer when I was four. Which left my father alone to raise my brother and me. He passed away when I was sixteen. Kimball: Let me guess, he was a cop, too. Woody: Sheriff. How'd you know that? Kimball: Like you said, you're knowable. He was strict, wasn't he? Distant. Cold. Woody: He could be distant. Kimball: I mean, otherwise, why would you be trying so hard to follow in his footsteps? Woody: I'm not following in anybody's footsteps. Kimball: Trying to connect with a man you hardly remember? The father you never really knew? The man you'll never be. Tell me about how he was klled. Woody: I'd rather not. Kimball: Let's be honest here. The whole "I'm an open book" thing? You want to earn my trust, humor me. How did he die? Woody: sht in the back by an 18-year-old kid who was robbing a gas station. Kimball: Did he suffer? Woody: Yeah. He suffered. It took him two days to die. Kimball: Suffering's good for the soul. Helps it release. What did he look like? Woody: What difference does it make? Kimball: I mean at that last moment. That desperate flicker before his last breath. Woody: You really get off on suffering, don't you? Kimball: I think you were right. You really aren't cut out for this line of work, are you? Guys like us need to be tougher than the others. My dad taught me patience, control. Most important, he taught me there's no pain I can't endure. See, that's where we're different, you and me. You sat at your father's side in that hospital room. Cried for him. He probably died right there in your arms, didn't he? Sixteen years old. Left you with a younger brother to take care of. And did you avenge his death? No. You did nothing because you're weak. Woody: You son of a bitch! (Woody grabs Kimball and pins him against the table. Santana and an officer come rushing in.) Who the hell do you think you are, huh? Santana: Detective, no, get off him! Get off him! Kimball: I'm filing a complaint. I hope you know that. Woody: Yeah, you do that. Autopsy: Brady Fisher* Bug: And they say you can't have too much water. Garret: If he hadn't been strangled, he would have died of water toxicity. Bug: This doesn't make sense. His organs are so decomposed, but externally, he shows almost no signs of decomp. Garret: Outside he was frozen. The exposure. Inside, something warmed his organs. Bug: The water? Garret: Not only forced it down his throat, it was warm. Nigel: (Door slams) I think we've just figured out why Leviathan kills and then goes dormant. We cross-referenced everything-- all the dates, all the killings, including estimated TOD on Mr. Fisher here. And bingo. Blue moon. Garret: So all the other killings-- Jordan: Okay, just bear with us here. Body one always disappears one week prior to the first full moon of the month. Time of death links directly to the full moon itself. But he doesn't dump the body until the second full moon of the month, the blue moon, which is when he kills his second victim. That's when the body and the notes turn up. Then we don't hear from Leviathan again until the next blue moon. Garret: Okay, but why? Nigel: The moon affects the tides, doesn't it? A little word association. Maybe tides, water, Leviathan, monster of the deep, mentioned in the bible. Garret: So you're saying that the second body isn't here because he was klled tonight? Jordan: And if Kimball did, maybe he didn't have time to move the body. So we if we can find where Mr. Fisher was klled... Garret: We find body number two. *ME's Office* Seely: Did we get any— Ugh! Smells like the leftovers of an Eskimo picnic. Heh heh. Any, uh, movement yet? Lily: No. But I did discover something. He comes to you when you sing blue moon. Seely: Oh, gee, your own stupid pet trick. Lily: Thought I would help him try to relax. (singing) "Blue moon You left me standing alone Without a dream in my heart Without a love of my own" see? Seely: It's great. You wouldn't happen to know any songs about taking a dump, would you? Oh! Come on. It's a game, isn't it? This seventh-grade flirtation between us. You pretend to ignore me, but I know you're checking me out when I walk away. Lily: Only to marvel at what a pompous, arrogant, vulgar little man you really are. Okay, maybe vulgar was a little harsh. Seely: No, uh, he's gone. Here kitty, kitty... Lily: "Blue moon I saw you standing alone without a dream in my heart" Anyone see a cat come through here? (Clicking tongue) Nigel: Blue moon. Mercury in retrograde. Jordan: Yeah, Nige, I got it. That mold that I found on Fisher's foot. It's not from where he was dumped. Kind of weird, like nothing I've seen before. (Electronic beeping) Nigel: Frothy material in his mouth turns out not to be lung discharge but...carbohydrate. Jordan: What kind? Nigel: Wheat. Pure wheat. Like a crcker. So, what, he feeds these guys before he strangles them? Jordan: Oh, uh... (Dialing on phone) Woody: (Cell phone ringing) What's up, Jordan? Jordan? Jordan: Woody, hang on. I'm gonna try to get a better signal. Woody: Man, is anything working tonight? Jordan: The moon's in Uranus. Woody: Excuse me? Jordan: Something like that. Anyway, you said Kimball had a Eucharist on him? Woody: Yeah, the wafer. Why? Jordan: Our victim has one in his mouth. It's the kller's last act before he strangles them. He gives them communion. Woody: "Another wicked soul now cleansed." Jordan: Only your friend in narcotics picked him up before he could finish the job. Woody: Wait a minute, body number two-- Jordan: He's alive, Woody. Wherever Kimball left him. Probably won't last the night. *Boston Police Precinct* Kimball: Well, look who's joining us for round two. The patch, you're a smoker as well? Santana: Not anymore. Give me that lighter. Woody: Gordon, Gordon. These are four missing person reports filed in the last two weeks that fit the profile-- male, late fifties. Just circle a name. Kimball: You've completely lost me. Woody: If your second victim is on this list and still out there somewhere alive, now's the time to come clean if you expect any play. Kimball: My second victim of what? Woody: We're finished playing, Gordon. Or should I say, Leviathan? Kimball: Leviathan. That refers to some sort of large aquatic creature, right? Woody: It refers to a creature that claims two victims every blue moon. Kimball: That's all very interesting, but you can't hold me much longer. Santana: As long as we want. Kimball: See, there's another lie. That's why you're pressing. If you had something on me, I'd have been charged by now, right? Woody: Don't get ahead of yourself, Gordon. *ME's Office* Garret: Woody's getting nowhere with the suspect. So unless we come up with something concrete, he's gonna have to turn him loose. Jordan: Uh...cyanide. Garret: What? Jordan: Segmental hair analysis. I'm finding traces of cyanide. Garret: The victims are strangled, they weren't poisoned. Jordan: Not enough to kll them, just enough to knock them out for a while. It was 2.4 millimeters from the scalp. Meaning he was drugged four days before he died. Bug: Who was drugged? Jordan: Have you found anything yet? Bug: Not much on the skin samples and nothing on his clothes. Seely: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, stupid cat. Nigel: Water from the body shows high levels of calcium and sulfates, but nothing else. Garret: (Electronic beeping) There it is. Hydrocyanic gas in the mucus. Jordan: That's how Leviathan overpowers his victims. He gases them. Bug: But will it be enough to help Woody keep him in custody? Jordan: It will if I can find traces of cyanide on our suspect. Garret: I'll send one of the guys, Jordan. Nigel: Yeah, really, Bug or I can go. Jordan: Not necessary. I'm a big girl. Garret: But he's a psychopath. Jordan: Yeah, and I'm not? Boston Police Precinct* Santana: We got the priest here from Saint Luke's. Woody: You talked to him? Santana: You do it. I want to take a sht at Kimball. Woody: By yourself? Santana: Right, because you're doing such a great job flying solo. Besides, he and I share a common weakness. Let's see what he'll do for one of these right now. Gimme back his lighter. Woody: Alright. Go get him, smoky. ME's Office* Lily: Must've gotten out of the building somehow. Seely: It's five degrees out there. I don't think so. Lily: Let's just... pray he turns up. Seely: Yeah, that's easy for you to say. Your ass isn't on the line. Lily: It's just a bllet. Seely: No. It's my career. Truth is... I'm kind of having a run of bad luck at work. I try real hard, I do. But I'm not the most well-liked guy at the precinct. Lily: Really. I never would have guessed that. Seely: If I don't pass my review tomorrow... I gave up any chance of going back to work for my dad, so I gotta make this work. Lily: What kind of work for your dad? Seely: He owns some newspapers. Lily: Wow. And you're a cop? Seely: (Laughs weakly) Not if I keep screwing up like this. Lily: I admire that. Going out on your own when you could've taken the easy road. Seely: I'm sorry. I-I'm exhausted. Mind if I just, um, sit here for a while? Lily: Oh, that's fine. You stay here. Uh... we'll just take turns looking. Seely: Great. Boston Police Precinct* Priest: I've known Gordon nearly all his life. He couldn't possibly be involved with what that police girl said. Woody: You knew his father too? Priest: Carl? Oh, sure. It's a testament to Gordon's good nature that he survived him. Carl was a former navy man. Ran our big buddy program. Teaching bible study to fatherless boys. Not to mention moral standards and proper hygiene. Woody: But... Priest: Oh, Gordon was a sensitive boy. And Carl seemed determined to toughen him up. Woody: He was abusive? Priest: No, not physically, that I saw. Woody: But emotionally and verbally? Priest: He was almost militant in his religious convictions. Began forming his own interpretations of bible passages, which I simply could not abide. Woody: So what did you do? Priest: I tried to offer my counsel, but when he began bothering other parishioners... Woody: You threw him out. Priest: My only hope was that it wouldn't affect the boy. Jordan: Ah, heaven. Oooh! Sorry. Sorry. Excuse me. (Kimball passes Jordan and he is wearing a police badge) Kimball: Not at all. My pleasure. Woody: How did his father take to being cast out? Priest: He was angry at first. Took a lot of the parishioners with him. They raised a lot of money and started their own parish of sorts out near Williams park. Yeah, it went bust after he died. Woody: Lung cancer? Priest: Well, if memory serves, I think Gordon said he might have drowned. (Woody spots Jordan) Woody: Excuse me. What do you need? Jordan: I need to run a quick live autopsy on your kller. Turns out he knocks out his victims using cyanide gas. Woody: Cyanide? Jordan: Yeah, taken in small doses, it can knock out a grown man for up to an hour. Now, he must have used something small, like a nasal spray or an atomizer. Woody: A cigarette lighter? Jordan: Yeah. Sure, the cyanide would vaporize as the lighter burns. (Woody has a worried look on his face and starts to walk fast) Woody? Woody! Woody: Santana! (Woody opens the door to the interrogation room. Santana is sitting in a chair lying on the table as if she was sleeping) Santana. Santana! Jordan: I got her, Woody. Woody: Nobody saw him leave? Jordan: Santana, open your eyes. Santana: Wh-where is he? Jordan: Open your eyes. Woody: Anybody see Kimball? Did you see Kimball come through here? Call an ambulance! Jordan: (looking at a photo of Kimball) My god, he walked right past me. Santana: I said get away from me, I'm fine. Jordan: Let them do their jobs. Santana: I can't believe I let him walk right out of here. (On videoconference with the ME's office) Woody: Let it go. Alright, doc, we're all set here. We've got to get this lunatic. Garret: Frankly, my priority is finding his second victim. Nigel: If he hasn't frozen to death already. Woody: We find the second victim, we will find Leviathan. My guess is that he's on his way to go finish him off. Jordan: (looking at the photo of Kimball with his father) This sweet boy grew up to be a serial kller? Woody: Priest said that his dad's fathering skills left something to be desired. If he didn't push him over the edge, he certainly helped out. Jordan: What's this tattoo on his arm? Woody: An anchor. The priest said he was a navy man. Jordan: Hey, Nige, you got that photo of the cut on Fisher's arm? Nigel: It's on its way, luv. Jordan: Okay, now turn it 90 degrees. Woody: That is...? Jordan: Leviathan's signature. The shaved heads, the tattoos. He recreates his father and then he kills him over and over again. Garret: What did the priest tell you about the dad? Woody: Sounded like an abusive bully turned religious zealot. He built some church near Williams park, wherever that is. Jordan: It's out on Crystal Shoals. Bug: The sulfur we found in the water from the body. Crystal Shoals is a mineral lake. That could be the source of the sulfur. Nigel: Right, I'll pull up a map. (Electronic beeping) *Crystal Shoals* Woody: Fan 'em out! Make sure we got guys covering the back! Come on! Santana: Woody! Over here! Woody: Baptismal pool. (Knocking) It's frozen solid. Santana: Could there be anybody in there? Woody: If not, I'm sure there has been. This is definitely this guy's bat cave. Check this out. Hose, duct tape. Santana: Psycho keeps a journal. Lots of them. Woody: Look at this. Listen. "It's not enough that he might know my pain. He must feel my pain." Santana: This was my fault. I can't believe I gave him back that lighter. Jordan: (On phone with Woody) What do you mean he isn't there? Woody: But we're sure he was here, Jordan. We're sending you back a trunk load of evidence to sift through. You gotta read some of these journals. His dad really did a number on him. Jordan: Did you look everywhere? Upstairs? Down? Woody: There is no downstairs. Nigel: No, there has to be, Woody. Jordan: We just got results back on the mold found on Fisher's foot. It's a fungal agent that feeds on cellulose found in damp concrete. It only grows in warm areas, something subterranean, like a hot spring. Woody: Hot spring? (Woody and Santana go back into the church) Santana: (Water gurgling) Woody, you hear that? Woody: All I hear is the wind and my teeth chattering. Santana: You don't hear the water? Woody: Maybe it's coming from other there. Sounds like it's coming from over here. Check it out. Santana: What about it? Woody: It's not frozen. (They go down what appears to be a manhole. There are lit candles everywhere) (Muffled yelling. There is a person bound in a chair with duct tape covering their mouth) Santana: Oh, my god. Woody: We've got you, mister. It's gonna be okay, alright? (Kimball comes up behind Woody and Santana and attcks them) Woody: (gn cocks) Drop it! Take it easy. Kimball: Drop it. (Kimball has Santana and has a Knfe at her throat) Woody: Okay. Okay. Just take it easy. Kimball: It was going so well until this bitch couldn't ignore an illegal u-turn. Woody: You don't have to do this. I understand. I saw your journals. Kimball: I think we can give up the good cop routine. It's a little pathetic under the circumstances. Woody: Alright, fine, fine. Tell me this. How many glasses did he make you drink, Gordon? Kimball: You don't talk about that. Woody: And expect you not to wet the bed? How could you not? You were just a boy. Even he couldn't make you tough enough for that. Kimball: I will kll her right now. Woody: No, you won't. 'Cause she's not him. She's not the one who would make you sleep outside after you wet the bed. Then make you drink more, make you hold it. Kimball: You shouldn't have read those. Woody: Otherwise, you wouldn't be following in his footsteps! Kimball: I said shut up! (Kimball points the Knfe towards Woody, giving Santana a chance to break free. A struggle between the three ensue.) Woody: Come 'ere! You sick son of a bitch! You sick son of a bitch! Is this how you did it? (Woody has Kimball and is holding his head in the water) Santana: Stop! Woody! Enough! Woody: You sick son of a bitch! Santana: Woody! Kimball: Get off of me! Santana: Woody! Enough! (Woody pulls Kimball up) Woody: Is this how you did it?! You sick son of a bitch. Is this how you do it? Huh? Is that how you kll 'em? *ME's Office* (Lily finds Seely asleep on the couch. She goes over and covers him with a blanket) (Purring) Lily: Aaaahhh oooohhh... Are you freezing? I missed you. I know someone who really missed you. (She picks up the cat and puts it on Seely, then leaves closing the door behind her) Nigel: Hey. So, you gonna say it? Garret: Say what? Nigel: That I was right about all the bizarre occurrences that happened tonight. Garret: Yeah, Nigel, it seems that once in a blue moon your conspiracies actually hold water. Nigel: No pun intended. Tell you what, Garret, if you think that was weird, wait 'til you see what happens on the 17th of next month. There's a lunar eclipse flanked on one side by Saturn and-- Garret: Nigel. Nigel: Yeah. Garret: I couldn't be less interested. Nigel: Right. See you in the morning. *Boston Police Precinct* Santana: (staring at the cigarette that she's holding up) Haven't had one in three weeks. It's k*lling me. Woody: My advice? Don’t. Santana: Look... I know I muscled my way onto this case, and I want to thank you for letting me tag along. You didn't have to after I let him get away. Woody: We all make mistakes. It's how we bounce back. I'm sorry, that kind of sounded trite, didn't it? Santana: No, no. I totally appreciate it. I don't want to keep your girlfriend waiting. (Jordan is standing in the doorway) Woody: Uh... Jordan? She's, uh, not, um... You're right. I should be going. Santana: Maybe I'll see you around sometime? Woody: Santana. Welcome to homicide. Jordan: Heard about the macho, action hero ending tonight. Woody: Yeah. Thanks to your tip. You know, Jordan, every once in a while, you do something that makes all the rest of it worthwhile. Jordan: You know, because it's been a long night, and I'm still freezing my ass off, I'm gonna take that as a compliment. Woody: Come on, let me buy you a hot toddy. Jordan: She's cute. Woody: Who? Her? Jordan: Yeah. Woody: Hadn't noticed. I'm serious. I hadn’t. Jordan: You know, that's what I love about you, Woody. Woody: What? Jordan: Oh... Woody: What? What do you love about me? Come on!	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x06 - Blue Moon"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Logan Airport. Runway. Jordan and Woody pull up in their cars. Woody's car is making a clunking noise.] JORDAN: What's with that urking sound? WOODY: 1200 bucks. I like to refer to it as white noise. JORDAN: You seriously gotta get a new car, man. WOODY: I think it's a classic, Jordan. (They walk towards a plane with a Montecito logo on the tail.) Not like this thing though. This is a sweet ride. JORDAN: Yeah, not so sweet for the dad guy. WOODY: You gotta hand it to him though. At least he went out in style. High roll weekend in Vegas, a little gambling, a little boozing, a little trolling. JORDAN: You know what they say. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. WOODY: You got a problem with that? JORDAN: Hey, you wanna head on out there and put your life savings on red, be my guest. But don't think the Montecito resort and casino is set up to let you win. They just want you to think that way. (Jordan and Woody walk onto the plane. Danny, Sam and a security guard are there. A dad man is laying on a chair.) WOODY: Excuse me, excuse me, this is supposed to be a secure crime scene. Who are they? SAM: I'm Samantha Jane Marquez. Sam. This is Danny McCoy. We're from the Montecito resort and casino. We're from Las Vegas. WOODY: You're not supposed to be here. They're not supposed to be here. SAM: The Montecito made arrangements. JORDAN: Some class air service. Does this guy have a name? DANNY: Tommy O'Brien. SAM: He's a whale. What you'd call a high roller. (Jordan sees a case handcuffed to Tommy's wrist.) JORDAN: Interesting appendage. I'm guessing this is why your hotel made arrangements. DANNY: It's 3 million in cash. Look, I need to tell you guys what happened. JORDAN: Yeah, I think you do. Approximate 3mm depression to his temple. WOODY: Let me guess. He tripped? DANNY: No. I ht him. I know how this looks but the guy was out of control. He was all over Sam and he wouldn't back down, so I ht him. WOODY: You must have a pretty wicked left hook. JORDAN: Actually, right cross. Which I'm guessing fractured his temple bone, severing the middle meningeal artery. And this case here, it's been tampered with. Someone was trying to get it off or get it open. SAM: We were trying to secure it. WOODY: Yeah, I'm sure you were. You know what this case looks like to me? 3 million pieces of motive. DANNY: Listen, man... WOODY: Easy, easy. You're gonna ht me too? DANNY: No. I-I ju... It was an accident. JORDAN: Yeah, well, here in the commonwealth of Massachusetts we don't call it an accident. We call it manslaughter. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Police Station. Room. Woody and Danny are there.] DANNY: I made a statement. I told you I ht him, I didn't mean to hurt him, I was just trying to stop him. I was defending her. WOODY: See, normally I go with you don't know your own strength but I checked you out. Ex-special ops. Trained kller. Spooky. DANNY: I threw one punch. WOODY: Case in point. DANNY: This Tommy O'Brien was a bad guy so we marked the cash and we were gonna try to follow it. WOODY: Why'd you mark the cash? DANNY: I can't tell you that. WOODY: Oh, man. This sounds straight out of one of those Elmore Leonard novels. DANNY: You think I'm lying? So give me a polygraph. WOODY: Guy trained like you, you'd be able to fool it. See Danny, I got like a sixth sense for these sort of things. And that sixth sense is telling me 3 million in cash is a sweet bonus on a security guard salary. DANNY: Head of security. WOODY: Whatever. DANNY: And I'm around millions of dollars every day. How stupid would I look to kll a guy knowing I'm gonna be the prime suspect? WOODY: Everybody looks stupid when they get caught. DANNY: I need to make sure that that money is secure. WOODY: Don't worry about the money. It's safe at the morgue. Evidence that rolls in with the body, stays with the body. DANNY: 3 million dollars, they can't make sure that kind of money is safe. WOODY: It's how we do it here in Boston. Besides, I think you have more important things to worry about. DANNY: I think I'd like to make that call now. [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan and Nigel are there. Tommy O'Brien's body is on the table. Jordan is trying to cut off the handcuffs. Nigel puts an x-ray of the suitcase up onto the light screen which reveals the money inside.] NIGEL: All present and accounted for. Oh, the adventures I could have with this lot. JORDAN: Dream on. You run the prints of the impermeable case? NIGEL: Oh, yeah, that's what I came to tell you. Casino boy's prints are all over it and those of his tasty travelling companion. (Results of multiple IDs show up on the computer.) Well, well, well. JORDAN: Something turn up on Mr. O'Brien's fake ID? NIGEL: Yeah, his prints are a match. Twelve times over. He's got drivers licenses in a dozen states. All with different names. Elliot Sparks, Statius Thoreau. JORDAN: Multiple IDs and multiple sex partners. His body was covered in female DNA. Saliva, pubic hair, not to mention traces of cocaine up his nose. Yeah, regular poster boy for Vegas. I guess that guy really did have a reason for slugging him. Nige, remind me if I ever think about chaining a tamper proof case to my wrist, not to. (She marks Tommy's wrist with a pen and starts up the saw.) Wanna give me a hand? [Scene: Mills' House. Garret and Lily are walking through the yard.] LILY: This place is like a small kingdom. GARRET: I guess money can't buy everything. (They meet up with Matt Seely. Near by is a woman holding onto her dad son.) MATT: I don't know why I let you talk me into this. This is ridiculous. GARRET: You said she wouldn't let go. If your guys yank her off, you'll smear everything. What've we got? MATTL Maid said the mother came home about an hour and a half ago. Found the kid here. LILY: That's Florence Mills? That's her name? MATT: Yeah. Look, we've been waiting an hour. Would you make this quick so I can get in and do my job? LILY: How about you give me some space so I can do my job. (She gives Matt her handbag and walks over to Florence. She kneels in front of her.) Mrs. Mills? I'm Lily Lebowski. These police officers, the medical examiner, they need to examine your son so they can try to find out who did this. FLORENCE: If I let him go, he'll... LILY: You won't. You won't ever have to let him go. He'll always be with you. Can I help you? Give me your hands. It's okay, Mrs. Mills. MATT: The kid was supposed to be up in his room studying for a trig test. Must've needed a study break. GARRET: Did you find a wapon? MATT: Nope. No motive yet, either. (Lily takes Florence away from her son. Garret and Matt walk over to the boy. He's covered in blood and has a bone sticking out of his arm.) [Scene: ME's Office. Morgue Vault. Jordan, puts the suitcase in a safe. Sam walks in.] SAM: Dr. Cavanaugh. (Jordan looks around quickly.) Oh, sorry, didn't mean to startle you. JORDAN: What are you doing here? SAM: I was just looking for the ladies room. JORDAN: I mean at the morgue. SAM: Oh, I wanted to keep an eye on the money while Danny sorts things out. This isn't bad. Electronic entry, video surveillance. It's not Vegas but... JORDAN: You know, visitors aren't really allowed down here unescorted. SAM: I'm not sure why we started off on the wrong foot. JORDAN: We're not on the wrong foot, actually, we're just kind of in the wrong place. (They go out into the hall.) SAM: Yeah, um, listen, uh, I've had a really bad day. Nothing like watching a guy right in front of you, being cooped up with the corpse and then having your friend arrested for klling him. JORDAN: Yeah, well, I'm very sorry that your friend got himself in trouble but as you can see our security system is just fine. SAM: Well, I guess that's good to know. (Sam walks away.) [Cut to Trace Evidence. Garret and Bug are there. Jefferson Mills' body is on the table.] GARRET: Spiral fractures. Someone took extra care to do this special. Kept on twisting. Anatomical neck, head humerus, capitulum. Not a single defensive wound, so either he knew the kller or... BUG: Or the kller surprised him from behind. You know, I understand that the mother was overwrought but she didn't make our job any easier. Her trace is all over the... That's weird. His canine tooth's been pulled. GARRET: Who takes a tooth as a souvenir? BUG: Maybe someone with a wig. (He pulls a hair off the body.) Looks synthetic. GARRET: If it's a wig, we might be able to trace it. (Lily walks in.) LILY: Garret? Uh, Rene Walcott is in your office. [Cut to Garret's Office. Rene is waiting there. Garret walks in.] GARRET: What's going on, Rene? You've been dodging me for months and all of a sudden you have to see me right now? (She turns around and notices her very pregnant belly.) RENE: I guess I should explain. GARRET: I'm pretty sure I understand the mechanics of it. RENE: Yeah, I know you do. GARRET: So when were you gonna tell me? RENE: It's not yours. My ex... GARRET: No, it's none of my business apparently. RENE: I met him for a drink and... GARRET: And one thing led to a mother? RENE: Listen, I'll take whatever flack you wanna lop my way, but right now I need to talk to you about Jefferson Mills. GARRET: Of course you do. RENE: His klling is a priority. Whoever did it is a monster. (Bug walks in.) BUG: I think our monster left a calling card. (Bug notices Rene's pregnant belly.) GARRET: What is it, Bug? BUG: I, uh, I just found a partial print on the body. Back of the ankle. I think we may have our kller. [Cut to the Break Room. Woody and Sam are there getting coffee.] SAM: They say it's called chivalry. Some guy's hitting on your friend, they won't stop, they won't let go. WOODY: We're not talking about me. SAM: If someone's doing that and they won't back down... you back them down. You're wrong about Danny. (Jordan walks to the door.) JORDAN: I've been waiting 15 minutes. WOODY: Yeah, I was just getting some coffee. JORDAN: Yeah, I can see. (Jordan walks away.) WOODY: Excuse me. (He follows Jordan.) I was not getting played. JORDAN: (mocking Sam) "Oh, you're wrong about Danny." Please. She is so a suspect, Woody. And with an inordinate interest in the money. I'm gonna have security escort her out. WOODY: Jordan, we know the guy did it. He confessed. JORDAN: Well, the punch didn't kll him. His temple bone was intact. No bleeding, no haemorrhage. WOODY: What about the indentation on his head? JORDAN: He got ht, that's all. If you ask me, his story was meant to cover for something. Or someone. (They walk into Autopsy.) WOODY: So how did this guy die? JORDAN: Ventricular fibrillation. WOODY: A heart attck? JORDAN: Only there's no signs of heart disease, no defects. WOODY: Which means... JORDAN: Well, normally I think poisons, but tox screens came back negative. Except for cocaine. Cocaine has a very short half life. It only kills you when it's spiking, not on the way down. Looks like this guy did cocaine in Vegas. WOODY: So what stopped this guy's heart? (Jordan holds up a photo.) Some kind of burns? JORDAN: Yep. All over his torso. His tissue was cooked from the inside out. Sign of electrocution. WOODY: Are you telling me rent-a-cop fried him? JORDAN: I'm saying somebody did. Now if you can find something on that plane that can deliver a charge, maybe we can figure out who. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is there. Ed Deline knocks on the door.] GARRET: Go away. (Ed walks in.) Can I help you? ED: Dr. Macy? GARRET: Yeah. ED: I'm, uh, Ed Deline. My hotel owns the plane that you're holding hostage. The one with the dad body. GARRET: ME on that case is Dr. Cavanaugh. You can make an appointment with her in the morning. ED: Yes, I could but you see I want to talk to you. We have this situation. Unfortunately the police don't know what they're doing. They're trying to pin this death on one of my employees and I'm sure they are no doubt pushing you to rubber stamp it. GARRET: I don't rubber stamp anything. ED: See, I kind of know how things work. GARRET: All do respect, you don't know how I work, or my people. ED: All do respect, why don't you tell me what your people have found. GARRET: Like I said, I don't rubber stamp things. And I don't hand out autopsy results in the middle of an investigation. Especially someone vested in the case. It's your plane, it's your employee, both of which are being held for good reason. ED: You don't know me, so I'm gonna let that go. But if you think for one sec you're running this show, you're gonna find out you're sadly mistaken. Excuse me. [Scene: Montecito Plane. Nigel and Woody are there searching the inside.] WOODY: I got nothing, Nigel. Did you find anything? NIGEL: Well, it seems the Challenger 800 comes equipped with a full galley kitchen, including a lovely set of Messermeister cutlery. One boudoir with prima cotton sheets. And... (He holds up a bagged stun gn.) An F30C stun gn. WOODY: Shocker. I'm guessing this is our electrocutioner's wapon of choice. [Scene: Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Nigel and Woody are there.] JORDAN: We know the stun gn was registered to the pilot. NIGEL: Mm-hm. And there are two sets of prints and neither are his. Well, one's a dad match for our boy from booking. WOODY: And the other? (Sam's ID shows up on the screen.) JORDAN: So the question is, who's covering for whom? (An alarm goes off in the building. They run out of the room and into the hallway. Woody checks out the emergency exit.) WOODY: They must have gone the other way. (Jordan and Nigel check the vault. Woody walks in.) What? What is it? What's wrong? NIGEL: The 3 million dollars. JORDAN: It's gone. [Scene: Police Station. Woody is talking on his cell.] WOODY: Hey, it's Hoyt. I'm gonna need the preliminary report on that morgue vault ASAP. Thank you. (He hangs up. He sees Danny and an officer heading for the door.) Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you taking him? OFFICER: He's been released. WOODY: I don't think so. DANNY: As hard as it may be for you to believe, Detective, you're in way over your head. WOODY: Keep him here, keep him here. I've got calls to make. Keep him right there. (Ed walks in.) ED: That won't be necessary. WOODY: I'm sorry, you are? ED: Gee, I guess I'm the guy over your head. WOODY: You know what? I really don't care who you are. I got a probable mrder wapon with his prints on it and his associate's prints on it. Excuse me. DANNY: I don't know what it is you think you have. WOODY: Hey, either you did it or you helped your friend Sam cover it up. Personally, my money's on him. Either way, he's not walking out of here. Excuse me. ED: Excuse me. Um, would you please allow me to give you a little advice? Don't ever raise your voice to me again. (Ed squeezes Woody's shoulder.) WOODY: Okay. Sir, maybe I haven't been clear with you, so I'm gonna explain the situation. Here's what's gonna happen. ED: No, no, no, no. See, here's what's gonna happen. I'll tell you. You're gonna do anything you possibly can to clear Danny. And then he's gonna figure out who it was who stole the money right out from under your nose. WOODY: Right, right. It's actually common here in Massachusetts to allow mrder suspects to participate in investigations. ED: Well, I guess it is now since I talked to your commissioner. See, my people as luck would have it, they happen to know a thing or two about vault security. So now if you have any further questions for me or Miss Marquez, pick up a phone, jump on a plane, I don't care. I'm leaving. (to Danny) I'll call you when I get to Vegas. (He leaves.) DANNY: You wanna give me a ride to the morgue or should I just catch a cab? [Scene: Police Station. A mother and her daughter are sitting in the hallway. Garret and Lily are near by.] DAUGHTER: It's going to be okay. You'll see, mum. (Garret and Lily walk into an observation room. Rene is there.] LILY: Rene. GARRET: Is this the guy that matched the print? RENE: Look. (They look through the glass. Matt, a lawyer, a little girl and her father are in the room.) FATHER: I'm not gonna let you do this. This is ridiculous. MATT: Somebody has to explain the evidence. LAWYER: My client is not going to say anything. FATHER: He's right. MATT: The kid had 17 bones snapped. AMANDA: They didn't snap. FATHER: Amanda, don't say another word. AMANDA: But I did it. And they didn't snap. More like a pop, or a crunch. GARRET: Are you saying that this... This little girl? Did you see that crime scene? RENE: The print that you found on the body is hers. LILY: And she just confessed. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Garret, Bug, Lily and Rene are there. They are looking at the computer.] BUG: The kller surprised Jefferson Mills from behind. The first blow was to the base of the skull. The wapon was swung upwards by someone shorter than the victim. With a wapon like a golf club or a baseball bat, you don't need to be that strong. The wapon creates the force to do the damage. Then the kller went to work on the arms. Started twisting. More than once around. It takes a full revolution before the shoulder pops. RENE: A little girl could do that? BUG: It doesn't take much to force a bone past the breaking point. The toroth provides the pressure to do the damage. LILY: Like a pop or a crunch? RENE: Um, could you give us a minute? (Bug and Lily leave the room.) GARRET: So what are you gonna do? RENE: What do you think? Indite her, put her on trial. GARRET: I think we should slow down. RENE: Forensics, confession. Am I missing something? GARRET: There's no mrder wapon, no motive. RENE: The father is a bigot. He tried his damndest to keep the Mills family from moving in and corrupting the neighbourhood. Bad blood seems to be playing out between the kids. Broken window, stolen bike. GARRET: Maybe he did it. RENE: The girl is a psychopath, Garret. Did you hear one iota of remorse in her voice? GARRET: Look, she's playing cold, she's playing remorseless. Maybe she did it, maybe she didn't. I'm just saying that you need to slow down. RENE: If that's a professional dig, I'll take it under advisement. If it's personal... (She leaves the room.) [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Jordan is there. Danny walks in.] JORDAN: Oh, hey, it's our mrder suspect slash investigative helper. DANNY: You're cute. Not funny, but definitely cute. (She holds up the stun gn.) JORDAN: This thing ring a bell? DANNY: We keep one on the plane. Just in case. JORDAN: Your prints are all over it. DANNY: And you think that that's the mrder wapon? JORDAN: In order to confirm it we have to try it out on live flesh. Our criminologist volunteered. He should be here in a sec. DANNY: Why wait? (He rolls up his sleeve.) JORDAN: Actually, torso's better. We dialled it down. (He unbuttons his shirt.) You sure about this? DANNY: Go ahead, doc, make my day. (Nigel walks in.) JORDAN: Ready? (She turns it on and places it on his chest.) NIGEL: They teach you that in the marines, did they? Ways to withstand trture. (He hands Jordan an Xmet.) Here you go. JORDAN: Thanks, Nige. This one shouldn't hurt. NIGEL: It's an Xmet. X-ray tubed based XRF alloy analyser. See, each stun gn has it's own signature. JORDAN: Well. Looks like your story might just hold up. DANNY: Gee, you think? JORDAN: I'm gonna find out what really happened on that plane. Now button up your shirt. [Cut to the Computer Room. Jordan, Woody and Nigel are looking at the surveillance tapes of the morgue.] NIGEL: The video feeds were cut before the heist but the thief had to get in to disable them, right? JORDAN: Yeah, but there's nothing. WOODY: Whatever we find, I'm betting Lieutenant McCoy had something to do with it. JORDAN: Hate to say it but the guy seems legit. NIGEL: Yeah, it's funny how you change your tune about all things Vegas, since five-card stud disrobed. JORDAN: (to Woody) He's still in the vault? WOODY: I got two uni's on him. I'm not about to let him or his little brunette counter-part bury any evidence against them. JORDAN: See, her I don't trust. 100 bucks says Sam's our thief. WOODY: What about Deline guy himself with the death grip? He's got some wacky cobra background I can't even access. NIGEL: It's her. WOODY: No, Nigel, I was just... NIGEL: No, no, no, I mean it's her. Look who I just found sneaking into our electrical room. WOODY: We got her. JORDAN: No, I'm not so sure. She walks differently. (Woody and Nigel give her a look.) It's a girl thing. Can you enhance that? NIGEL: Watch this. WOODY: She's not even facing the camera. NIGEL: Yeah, but her reflection is. JORDAN: It's not Sam. WOODY: Who is she? NIGEL: I don't know. But whoever she is, she should've kept her hands to herself. (The woman touches the wall.) [Time lapse. Jordan, Nigel, Woody and Danny are there. They have identified the woman from the fingerprint.] DANNY: Believe me now? WOODY: Yeah, you're a real boy scout. NIGEL: Would the alpha-males please return to their respective corners. The 3 million dollars goes to... Madeline Pillsbury. JORDAN: Looks like she's been one naughty girl. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is there looking at a doll. Lily walks in.] GARRET: It's from her bedroom. But it doesn't match the synthetic hair we found. Why would an 11 year old girl confess to a mrder she didn't commit? LILY: I hate to say it but the girl is text book set up for psychopathy. Angry father, mother around like half the month. Like he was not on the higher side. Can I ask you a question? About Walcott? GARRET: No. LILY: This is not the first kid that you've seen kll. Are you sure that... GARRET: This isn't about Rene. And I'm not gonna discuss it... LILY: What? [Time lapse. Garret and Lily are looking at an x-ray.] GARRET: School records mentioned a broken arm. Skateboarding. She missed gym class for two months. LILY: So... GARRET: Look at her wrist, her arm. That's not from skateboarding, those are spiral fractures, just like Jefferson Mills. They were twisted. That's a sign of abuse. LILY: So that's the trigger for all this? She was abused? GARRET: That's not the trigger. What if the same person that broke her bones, broke his? LILY: She was covering? GARRET: You said it yourself. The father had it in for Jefferson Mills' family from day one. Who better to scare the girl into a confession. [Scene: Madeline Pillsbury's House. Woody, Danny and two uniform cops walk up to the front door.] WOODY: What kind of name is Madeline Pillsbury? It sounds like some kind of weird breakfast pastry. DANNY: You're just pissed off that it wasn't Sam. (Danny knocks on the door.) WOODY: Boston PD, open up. Boston PD! All right, stand back. DANNY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I can pick this lock in like 5 seconds. WOODY: Oh, really? I can do it in like one. (He kicks open the door.) Boston PD! Something tells me we're a day late. (They walk through the rooms.) DANNY: And 3 million dollars short. Looks like somebody had a hell of a party. Then left in a hurry. (Woody sees a wedding photo.) WOODY: Well, looky here. I'm thinking Madeline Pillsbury had her own little bill boy. dad guy from the plane. [Time lapse. Woody and Danny are searching the bedroom.] WOODY: Looks like she was doing her homework. Check it out. Scrubs, map of the morgue. (Jordan walks in.) JORDAN: Okay, this is strange. Looks like Martha Stewart's been in that kitchen. DANNY: Yeah, I thought I smelt cookies when dirty Harry here kicked in the door. WOODY: Maybe that's her MO. Rip off 3 million bucks, hold a bake sale. JORDAN: It's just wrong. DANNY: Well, so is this place. This guy is supposed to be a high roller. It doesn't add up. WOODY: This isn't gonna help. (Woody opens a closet and finds whips and leather collars in there. Danny laughs.) DANNY: Now this reminds me of Vegas. JORDAN: I think I need a blush. WOODY: One man's pain, another man's pleasure. (Danny looks through the closet.) DANNY: Speaking of which. WOODY: A stun gn. JORDAN: No, it can't be. It wasn't on the plane. WOODY: You'd better get this stuff back to Trace and see if you can tell us where she's been. JORDAN: More important, where she's going. DANNY: The money's gone, the cause of death's gone. I think I'm outta here. A lot easier trying to track her back in Vegas. WOODY: Oh, you're leaving? It's a sad day for the Boston PD. (Woody leaves the room.) JORDAN: Uh, I'll see you around. [Scene: Police Station. Room. Amanda is talking to her older sister, Beth.] LAWYER: Time to go, Beth. (to Garret) You've got 30 minutes, tops. (Beth walks out of the room.) BETH: (to Garret) I'm not sure my father wants anyone talking to her. GARRET: You think he'll get mad? Okay. (Garret walks into the room.) Hi, Amanda. I'm Garret Macy, I'm with the Medical Examiner's office. It's my job to examine Jefferson Mills and figure out how he died and who klled him. Now, you say it was you, right? Sweetie, I know about the broken bones. AMANDA: Everyone knows about the broken bones. GARRET: Well, not his broken bones, I'm talking about yours. You want to tell me how you got those? Okay, you know what I think? I think you're scared. I think whoever broke your arm is the same person who klled Jefferson. AMANDA: I could show you how I did it. GARRET: I'm a doctor, Amanda. I know the signs of abuse, okay? (Her father barges in.) FATHER: What the hell are you doing? [Time lapse. Garret and the father are in the hallway.] FATHER: How does this make any sense? GARRET: You tried to force the Mills family out of your neighbourhood. When that didn't work, you klled the son and for some sick and pathetic reason, you make your own daughter take the fall. Maybe you figured they'll never convict. FATHER: If I thought taking the fall would keep my daughter off, you'd have my confession in a second. But it wouldn't hold up because I didn't do it. You think... You think I wanna believe she did it? I mean, do you know what it's like seeing my daughter in there like that? My daughter. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan, Nigel and Woody are there. Jordan is about to test the stun gn on Woody.] WOODY: You know, Jordan, I have a very high threshold for pain. I rarely use anaesthesia when I go to the dentist, hardly ever taken aspirin. JORDAN: You done? WOODY: Yeah. Whoa, whoa, wait. Let me just pump myself up for this, okay? (to himself) Okay, you're the man. You're the man. Okay, on three. One, two... (Jordan puts the stun gn on his chest. He groans.) JORDAN: You okay? WOODY: Yeah. Hardly felt anything at all. I know I took it better than that security guard. JORDAN: Oh, women don't compare. That'd be rude. NIGEL: Wept like a baby. (Jordan puts the Xmet on his chest.) WOODY: Aah. JORDAN: It's okay. Well, nothing says lovin' like 20000 volts. Those marks were made by his wife. WOODY: So she klled him and then took the money. JORDAN: Maybe. Since this little toy wasn't on the plane, it wasn't what stopped his heart. We're back to square one. NIGEL: What if what klled him was in his system before? JORDAN: Nothing turned up with tox. No injection marks, no stomach contents. NIGEL: But now we have a new suspect. Which gives us this. (He holds up a shirt.) One off the rack crew neck that was under her scrubs. (He places the shirt under the magnifying glass which reveals blood spatter.) WOODY: It's blood. So what? It's her husband's. JORDAN: It's a high velocity spatter pattern. It's hers. She coughed it. NIGEL: Exactly. She's sick. Coughing up blood. WOODY: This helps us how? JORDAN: Well, the husband drops dad, we have no idea why. Wife's coughing up blood. Can't find anything on her husband, maybe we can find something on her. Or on what's left of her. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is there. Rene walks in.] RENE: Stop undermining my case. Stop overstepping your authority. GARRET: I'm doing what the state pays me to do. Investigating a death. RENE: Are you sure that's all it is? Your office scattered the evidence, now you want to undercut it? Undercut me? GARRET: You wanna have this out right here, right now? RENE: I want to stop a psycho and I would appreciate your help. (Rene leaves. Bug walks in.) BUG: There's algae on Amanda's shoe, on top of the blood. She picked it up after the mrder. GARRET: What's your point? BUG: I found a high concentrational phosphate in the algae, which leads me to think soap. So I checked with the NWRA and there's a pond in her neighbourhood where a runoff from a chunk of houses drains to. I'm betting that that's where we'll find a mrder wapon. [Time lapse. Pond. Garret, Bug and Matt are there looking through the bushes.] GARRET: Why do I feel like we're looking for a needle in a haystack and the needle's not even here? MATT: Hey, if I'm here getting my wingtips dirty, we're gonna find something. (Bug pulls out a doll from the bushes.) BUG: She was here. (Matt finds a pink box.) MATT: Hey. I'm betting mrder wapon's behind door number two. (He opens the box to find many dad squirrels inside.) Ugh! BUG: Looks like Jefferson Mills wasn't the first thing she klled. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Nigel walks up to Jordan who is eating a cookie.] NIGEL: Cocaine. JORDAN: No, chocolate chip. Do you want some? NIGEL: In her blood. Traces of cocaine. JORDAN: That wouldn't make her spit up blood. NIGEL: I know, but it's the link. He keels over, she's coughing up blood. JORDAN: It's not the cocaine, it's what's in the cocaine. NIGEL: And either someone was trying to kll her too... JORDAN: Or she played a little roulette to get him to indulge. (They walk into Forensic Laboratory. Nigel picks up a small container.) NIGEL: Trace from his nose. JORDAN: Okay, so we're looking for a white powder. Colourless, odourless, deadly. Sodium fluoroacetate? NIGEL: Well, Vegas is a desert. They have coyote problems, so it's easy to get what makes right into the... Bingo. You are good. JORDAN: So she tried to poison him in Vegas but it didn't work fast enough. (Woody walks in.) WOODY: Claire Hendres. NIGEL: And the question is? WOODY: Guess who just caught a flight to Jordan's favourite city of decadence and moral decay? NIGEL: One of Miss Pillsbury's aliases? WOODY: Very good, Nigel. You get a gold star. NIGEL: You think she'll be returning to the proverbial scene of the crime? Because we just figured out this bloke was drugged before he got on the plane, so technically speaking the mrder took place in Vegas. JORDAN: You mean, the first mrder. Hey, remember those fresh baked cookies she made right after she lifted the cash? The ones on her blouse? I just ran a sample. They're laced with sodium fluoroacetate. WOODY: She was making poison cookies? JORDAN: Yeah, and who wants to bet she's taking them to Vegas. I think we have a plane to catch. WOODY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? JORDAN: I'm talking about going to Vegas. WOODY: You hate Vegas. JORDAN: Yeah, but the body's my jurisdiction. And if I have to rely on Vegas CSU to find anything, I think we'll be in a bit of trouble. Pack your bags, Woody, we're going to Vegas. [Scene: Las Vegas. Montecito Casino. Jordan and Woody are walking through the casino.] JORDAN: Oh, god, do you smell that? WOODY: Money? JORDAN: Cigarettes, stale booze, over oxygenated air manufactured to keep you awake long enough to gamble away your entire life savings. WOODY: Lighten up, Jordan. This, this is what Vegas is all about. (They pass a woman screaming and jumping up and down.) What up, girl? Way to do it! Yeah! Keepin' the dream alive. JORDAN: Oh, please, what's she racked up there? A couple of hundred bucks? And that's supposed to off-set the two grand she already dumped in? Next thing you know she's missing the next mortgage payment. Another trip, it is for closure. (They walk up to Danny.) DANNY: Well, I'd welcome you to Vegas but apparently it isn't your kind of town. (Sam walks past.) WOODY: Sam, Sam. (She stops.) Woody. SAM: Oh. WOODY: You changed your hair, it looks nice. SAM: Oh, thanks, I did it for you. WOODY: Really? SAM: No. But you should call me if you need a casino host. (to Jordan) And you should... never mind. DANNY: Hey. I apologise for her. Anyway, I tried to get a hold of you two on your cells. They found some of those marked bills at the Empire. It's a little crap box at the other end of the strip. Apparently, one of Pillsbury's aliases checked in there. JORDAN: Don't tell me she already checked out? DANNY: Yeah, this morning, but... JORDAN: You know, I'd like to get a look inside that room. If she was already there it might be a crime scene. DANNY: Yeah, I figured. They're already waiting for you. WOODY: I'm gonna go get the car. DANNY: Okay. (Woody walks off.) Okay, so what's with the "I hate Vegas" speech? JORDAN: Overstating my point a bit? DANNY: A little. So if it doesn't violate some mortician's code of ethics, we've got a suite available for you if you need it. Or two. JORDAN: Oh, yes, actually, yeah, it is two. Two's good. DANNY: Okay. Well, I'll take care of it. JORDAN: And Danny? Thanks. You know, this place isn't half bad. DANNY: I know, it's not. [Scene: Boston. ME's Office. Autopsy. Garret and Bug are examining the dad squirrels. Lily is watching.] GARRET: They all have the same spiral fractures and missing teeth. BUG: Next time I see a cute little girl selling raffle tickets I'm keeping the door locked. LILY: That's not even funny. BUG: Sorry. Hello, hello, hello. GARRET: What? What've you got? BUG: Some clothing and tissue. Could be human. I'm thinking this little guy didn't go quietly. Bit the hand that klled it. [Scene: Las Vegas. Montecito Hotel. Pool. Jordan, Woody and a man are walking past the pool.] JORDAN: This is wrong. WOODY: It's fantastic, Jordan, it's just fantastic. JORDAN: Not them, the lobby. Dolphins, a tiger, a rollercoaster? WOODY: Jordan, look around you, look around you. It's parka weather back home. Here it's... it's Vegas, baby, it's Vegas. (He passes some women in bikinis.) How you girls doing? (He accidentally steps into the pool and Jordan helps him up.) JORDAN: Vegas my ass. Smooth. [Scene: Boston. ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Garret and Bug are there.] GARRET: So is it hers? BUG: Tissue's too corrupt to get a DNA reading. GARRET: Not even a partial mapping? BUG: We've got nothing. (Lily walks in.) LILY: I wouldn't say that. I started thinking. You get bit by a squirrel, what's the first thing your mother makes you do? BUG: Stop chasing squirrels? LILY: No. Rabies sht. GARRET: Which the state keeps records of to keep track of any out breaks. LILY: Just got off to the department of health. And guess who was vaccinated this past year? [Scene: Police Station. Garret, the father, the lawyer and Beth walk into the observation room. Amanda is in the next room.] FATHER: Detective Seely said you have a break in the case. Something that proves Amanda's lying? GARRET: We think so, yeah. BETH: That's great. (Rene sits next to Amanda in the next room.) RENE: We asked your father and your sister to come in today and they're right outside that window. We found that box at the pond just where you told us. AMANDA: I haven't told you anything. RENE: Well, I don't understand. The box with the dad animals. Your doll, the cat. FATHER: Who is she talking about? AMANDA: I didn't tell you anything. RENE: I told you, Amanda. There's nothing to be afraid of. So, let's just go over what really happened. Everything you told us. About how Beth klled Jefferson Mills. AMANDA: Beth, I swear! I didn't say anything! FATHER: Did she say Beth did this? AMANDA: Don't hurt Shirley! I didn't say anything! LAWYER: Beth, I don't want you to say anything. FATHER: No. I wanna know. Did you do this? BETH: Daddy. FATHER: Answer me! If you did this, so help me... BETH: You'll tell me. (He goes to grab her arm but she grabs his and starts to twist.) [Time lapse. Corridor. Garret and Rene are there. Amanda and her father are near by.] RENE: They found the mrder wapon in Beth's locker. Field hockey stick. And a box of teeth for trophies. GARRET: Still can't fathom that she was willing to go to jail to keep her dog Shirley from getting hurt. RENE: Amanda said that Beth liked the sound bones made when they snapped. The crack reminded her of crunching ice in her teeth. (Lily and Florence walk past. The father stands up. Florence gives him a look and walks off. The father and Amanda leave.) I better get in there. GARRET: Yeah, I have to get back to the morgue too. Rene, are you doing all right? I mean, health-wise with the kid? RENE: Yeah, Garret. We're fine. GARRET: Take care of yourself. RENE: Thank you. [Scene: Las Vegas. Empire Hotel. Room. Jordan is there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Well, the bellhop does not remember her car but get this. He heard her talking on her cell phone while he was loading, saying she was meeting someone else tonight. JORDAN: If she's meeting someone later... WOODY: Then we've got another mrder on our hands. Right now we've got zip. I mean, look at this stuff. What've we got? We've got Lucky 7 magazine, empty bag of peanuts, used tissues, soda can. For all we know she was hungry and tired. JORDAN: Can I see that? (She looks at the can.) A small piece of computer paper on the bottom. WOODY: Okay, so? JORDAN: So if you're neat, you use a coaster. If you don't have one, you use what you got. (She looks at the side table.) And there's a water ring here. Ink bleeds through wet paper, it leaves an image. Do you wanna shut those drapes? WOODY: Feeling romantic? (He closes the curtains. Jordan shines a UV light on the dresser.) JORDAN: I'm feeling like Madeline Pillsbury is about to get brned. WOODY: A car rental receipt. [Time lapse. Woody is on the phone, walking past the pool.] WOODY: Did you get it? DANNY'S VOICE: The car company gave me access codes to track the car. The GPS is up. The car is on the move. Looks like she's heading out the strip. (Woody meets up with Jordan.) JORDAN: You got her? WOODY: Yeah. (on phone) Where's she going? DANNY'S VOICE: I guess that's the 3 million dollar question. WOODY: Yeah. That and who she's meeting. [Scene: Junk Yard. A black car is parked there. Jordan, Woody and Danny pull up. They get out.] DANNY: There's her car. (Woody looks in the car.) WOODY: Nothing. DANNY: She's gotta be around somewhere. JORDAN: We should split up. (Danny walks away.) WOODY: (to Jordan) Stay right behind me. Right behind me. JORDAN: Like glue. (Danny searches the junk yard. Something falls and Woody and Jordan hear it.) WOODY: Shh, shh, shh, shh. Stay here, Jordan. I mean it. Stay here. (Woody walks off, gn pointed. As soon as Woody is out of sight, Jordan walks into the junk yard. Madeline appears behind Jordan with her gn pointed.) MADELINE: How'd you find me? (Jordan turns around.) JORDAN: Put down the gn. There's no need to make this worse. MADELINE: Shut up! (Woody arrives.) I wanna know how you found me. JORDAN: Madeline, put it down. We can talk about this. MADELINE: I wanna know how you found me! WOODY: Madeline, drop your wapon! (Danny arrives.) DANNY: Put the gn down! Put down your wapon. WOODY: It's cool, Danny. I've got this, I got this, Danny. JORDAN: Uh, Woody? MADELINE: Now! WOODY: Madeline, stay calm. We don't wanna hurt you, all right? DANNY: Just put the gn down. (The camera moves out of view from them and several sh*ts are heard.) To be continued in Las Vegas...	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x07 - What Happens in Vegas Dies in Boston"}	foreverdreaming
*Jordan's Apartment* Jordan: (Phone rings) This better be good. Devan: Jordan, it's Devan. Jordan: Got any idea what time it is? Devan: Late, I know. I need a favor. (Devan is packing while she is talking.) Jordan: Are you bleeding? Devan: What? Jordan: Maimed in some way? Devan: No. Jordan: Then forget it. I'm asleep. Devan: I was supposed to work graveyard. I need you to cover my shift. Jordan: I think you have got the wrong number. Devan: Jordan, I'm serious. Jordan: So am I. I just put in a double already. I'm feeling a little pre-homicidal. Devan: (Phone beeps) Hang on, I have another call. (Scoffs after looking at the caller ID) Arrete de m'appeler. (Stop calling me.) Non, je ne veux pas parler. (No, I don't want to talk.) Je m'en vais. (I'm leaving.) Laisse-moi en paix. (Leave me in peace.) (Thanks to WillyBoy who transcribed and translated this on Coffeeboards!!!) (Switches back to Jordan) Hey, look, uh, I'll be a couple of hours tops. Please just cover my shift. Jordan: You know, ever since you first showed up at the morgue, you've only been out for yourself. Devan: Jordan, I'm asking you as a friend. Jordan: And what makes you think we're friends? Devan: Fine, forget it. I'll get there when I can. Jordan: No, Devan, Devan, hello? Dev-- (Devan's cell phone ringing. She looks at it and then turns it off.) *ME's Office* Jordan: Oh, Nige, what are you doing here so late? Nigel: What? You didn't hear? Jordan: Hear what? What's going on? Bug: Plane crash. Jordan: What? Where? Bug: We don't know. It hasn't happened yet. Jordan: What's that supposed to mean? Garret: Commuter plane took off from D.C. 45 minutes ago. Pilot called in a mayday somewhere over Baltimore, then all communications went dad. The plane's still in the air. Jordan: Hijacked? Garret: International guard scrambling F15 to take a closer look. No one's movin' on board. They're either unconscious or dad. Jordan: Oh, my god. Garret: Yeah, it's losin' altitude. Estimated point of impact is somewhere east of Colfax in the Blue Hills. We're going out there. Jordan: Okay, I'm going with you. Garret: Wait a minute. Weren't you just here? Jordan: I'm covering Devan for a couple of hours. Look, give me a couple minutes. I'll pack a bag. I'll drive with you. Garret: I want you to stay put. Jordan: Why? Garret: I need at least one ME on duty to prep for mass causalities. It's going to get crazy around here soon enough. *Near Crash Site* Bug: How weird is this? Coming to a crash site before the crash. Nigel: FAA's trajectory estimate has the plane coming down and then going out over that ridge about two miles that way. (Plane overhead. Plane flying closer. Big explsin) {Crossing Jordan Intro} *Crash Site* (Police sirens) Garret: I want to set up the generators behind that tent there. And we'll run a mobile command out of the truck. Bug: I'll need a water supply for sifting. Garret: Talk to the fre marshal, get a tap off one of his trucks. Nigel: Dr. Macy. Okay, put the portable x-ray machine in the main tent. We're gonna want to run immediate dental exams. Airline says that the plane is a Jetstream 41. It's a 25 seater. Fueled for three trips between D.C. and Boston. With that much fuel on board, this thing's gonna burn for hours. Bug: We're gonna be down to DNA testing on most of them. Garret: All right, it still doesn't change the job. We still flag, bag, and tag as many as we can. Let's get to it. Come on. Man: Which one of you is Macy? Garret: That's me. Man: Nathan Farrell, NTSB. Garret: You have the passenger manifest? Farrell: Not yet. FBI's got a hold of it. Running the names to rule out any trror1st activity. Could take hours. Garret: The sooner I get the manifest, the sooner I can finish my job and you can start yours. Farrell You ever work on a major crash before? Garret: Yeah, one or two. Farrell Well, this is my 17th. So tell you what, why don't you follow my lead. I'll make sure we stay off each other's toes. Garret: My toes are just fine, thanks. Farrell My guys need access to the site. Garret: Then they'll get it. But recovering and identifying the bodies are the first order of business. That's my job. In order to do it, I've got to get to the bodies before anyone contaminates the evidence. Farrell dad bodies don't do me any good. I need the black box. Garret: If we run across it, you'll be the first to know. Farrell They're dad, Macy! They can wait. You'll be lucky to find some teeth. Garret: Teeth will do. I've made ID's on less. (Goes into tent) Guys, you can put a photo station and fingerprinting in here. But I want trace down at the end out of traffic, all right? Woman: Dr. Macy, Darla Channing, Channel 3 news. Garret: How did you get in here? Woman: Doug here found a fre road on the forestry map. Wonder if we can grab a sound byte or two. Garret: Where the hell's security? You people are supposed to be five miles away. Woman: Well, until someone kicks us out. Garret: I believe I just did. Wait a minute. (On television) Well, it's still very early in the recovery process, but for those of you who may have had loved ones on board... I'm gonna just say that I know how difficult this time is. But we'd like ask your help in contacting the medical examiner's office with any pertinent details. A little help such as dental records or anything that may help with our DNA analysis. Hairbrushes, toothbrushes... ME's Office* (Jordan and Lily are watching Garret on television.) Lily: God, it's weird. It's so quiet here now. Jordan: Yeah, don't get too comfy. That's about to change. Lily: I hate this part of the job. Sidney: Hey, I'm sorry, guys. I got here as fast as I could. Jordan: Good, good. You can help me stock supplies in trace. And if you could, prep autopsy one and two. Sidney: Are we working on the skeleton crew? Lily: Most everyone's out at the site. Jordan: Except Dr. McGuire. Little Miss Flaky went AWOL on us. Where the hell is she? (Jordan checks her watch) Woody: Hey! What are you guys doin' here? Jordan: Boy, I could ask the same of you. Woody: Devan likes the moo shoo from Yang Chou's. Jordan: Oh, does she now? Woody: Uh, yeah...it's kind of a Sunday night thing we do. She's always working late and I just, uh...so what are you guys doin' here? *Crash Site* Bug: First body. He was in the tail of the plane, 40 yards from the crater. Still intact. Garret: All right, get some photos first and run a preliminary trace. Nigel: Officer Paul McGill. (holding a badge) Federal Air Marshal. Bug: Dr. Macy, take a look at his eyes. Garret: Petechial hemorrhaging. Nigel: There's a bluish tint to the skin. Garret: Asphyxiation? Bug: Yeah, but from what? Garret: We'll find out. Bag him for autopsy. I'm gonna check on the recovery team. Woody: Dr. Macy. Garret: You came all this way to bring us takeout? Woody: It was Yang Chou's. So what happened here other than the obvious? Garret: I'm not sure yet. Seems they were all dad before they ht the ground. Some sort of toxic fumes released into the cabin. Woody: Any reason to suspect foul play? Garret: Well, it's hard to say. Could've been a hundred things. But foul play's pretty far down on the list. Woody: Let me see your flashlight. (Woody starts picking up money, then shines on a bag full of wrapped cash.) You might wanna rethink that list. *ME's Office* Lily: (Elevator dings) Hi, can I help you, ma'am? Woman: My husband, I believe he was-- well, to be on that plane tonight. Man on the news says to come here. I-I brought this. (She hands Lily a toothbrush.) *Crash Site* (In field) Bug: Nigel! (In tent) Woody: What happened to this guy? Garret: Offhanded, I would say he was cut in two. Nigel: Cell phone, breast pocket. Garret: I'll put it with the others. Bug: What are these...belts and neckties? Nigel: Yeah, someone used them to strap him down. Woody: His upper body at least. He have any ID on him? Bug: Maybe in his lower half. If we find it. Woody: Let me get those j-pegs back to the precinct. Farrell I might need an explanation for this. Garret: Your guess is as good as mine. Farrell What's this I hear about asphyxiation? Garret: Just a theory we're working on. Excuse me. Farrell And the cash? Garret: Another piece of the puzzle. Farrell So what are we looking at? Some kind of hostage situation, a hijacking? Garret: You want more answers, get us that manifest. Farrell Feds are faxing it over any minute. Now what about that black box? Garret: That pit's burning 2200 degrees. You want to start looking there? Go for it. (Woody goes into the field and finds a toy (?) with a large eye on it. He gets up and takes it with him.) (Garret on the phone with Jordan) Garret: Hey, how are things there? Jordan: Waiting on a storm. How about you? Garret: Right smack in the middle of it. Jordan: Just say the word, I'm there. Garret: No, we're about to send over the first half-dozen victims. I need some experience there. Send Devan instead. Jordan: Yeah, if I could find her. Garret: She--she still hasn't shown up? Jordan: Not a word. Garret: Call her on her cell. Get right back to me. Jordan: 'Kay. Woody: Yeah, Detective Hoyt. Woody Hoyt, H-O-Y-T. Boston PD. I'm here at the site right now. And I think we're looking at a homicide situation. Since it occurred in the air, I believe that's federal jurisdiction. Yeah, sure, I'll hold. (The passenger manifest list is being printed on the fax machine. Woody picks it up and looks worried and he hangs up the phone.) (A cell phone starts ringing on a table with about a dozen others. These are the cell phones they have found at the crash site. Garret goes over and answers it.) Garret: Hello? Jordan: Garret? Garret: Jordan? Jordan: What's going on? I just dialed Devan's cell number. (Woody appears with the list and hands it to Garret with still a very sad/worried look on his face.) Woody: I just saw her three days ago. She didn't say anything about traveling. Why was she going to Washington? Bug: I don't know. Nigel: Didn't say anything to me. Garret: Nothing. No remains where her cell phone was found. Listen, I-I know we're all in shock right now. There's gonna be plenty of time to deal with it later. But right now we've got a job to do. We've gotta try to put our emotions-- Woody: I've gotta find her. Garret: We might not. You know that, right? Woody: She was in seat 7b. Garret: Listen, I'm not one to give advice. But go home, Woody. We'll take it from here. Woody: 7b was an aisle seat on a plane like this. If I could find her seat, she's gotta be near there, right? *ME's Office* Jordan: (choked up) Who the hell did she know in DC? Sidney: Maybe she had family there. Lily: She said something about having a drink with her ex-fiancee. Jordan: Oh, god, I was so... I can't believe this. Sidney: You know, all this waitin' around. Maybe we should be doin' somethin'. Lily: You're right. Jordan: Who was her next of kin? I should call. Lily: Okay, let me, uh... Emmy: We've got our first crash victim. *Crash Site: Next Morning* Nigel: (talking to the operator of a forklift who is picking up a piece of the plane) Okay, bring it up. Up some more. Keep going. Hold it! Okay, I need a photographer! (He looks under the piece and sees the other half the the body found earlier) Oh, gees. Photographer: Where's the other half of him? Nigel: In the tent. Photographer: (snapping pictures. Nigel pulls out the corpse's wallet.) So who is he? Nigel: (holding up two ID's) Take your pick. (In the tent) Woody: (on the phone) Is that the current address? Okay. Okay, thanks. Those hundred-dollar bills we found? Some of the serial numbers trace back to a bank in D.C. Garret: Okay. Woody: They were withdrawn this morning by a Donald Suffin. He owns a car dealership in Springfield, Virginia. His name is not on the manifest. Garret: Then how'd the money get on the plane? Woody: Don't know. PD's trying to find him right now. It came to almost ten grand. That's a lot of money to be traveling with. (Woody flip a page in his notepad with an extremely trembling hand.) Garret: I'm sorry Woody. (Woody goes to leave and grabs the bag of Chinese food, hold it up, then throws it in the trash on his way out.) Woody: Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. Man: Can I help you? Woody: What seat number is this? Man: Seats don't have any numbers. The numbers are in the bulkhead above 'em. Woody: Is there a way to find out whose seat that was? Man: Afraid not. (Garret is still watching Woody.) *ME's Office* Sidney: You know she always called me "new guy". You know, just to mess with me, you know? Just 'cause she thought she was so funny. And it was, kind of. But, man, that girl could dish it out. Sorry. Jordan: What do you make of this? Sidney: Is that a bllet hole? He was sht? Jordan: Ceramic. Used by air marshals. Sidney: Frangible bllts. They way they won't pierce the fuselage when they fre aboard a plane. Jordan: You let someone sht you with your own gn, Mr. Air Marshal? Sidney: Guess he would if he was choking like everyone else on...whatever gas that was. Jordan: Sulphuric acid. Sidney: What? Jordan: That was the base agent in his lungs. Fumes from a sulphuric acid spill. Sidney: But acid spilled from where? Jordan: We've got a long way to go, Sidney. (Sighs) A long way to go. *Crash Site* Nigel: We got hits on both those ID’s from our severed man. First one, Robert Webber, is a fake. Woody: How do we know? Nigel: Because Webber died two years ago in a boating accident off Baja California. Garret: He bought it on the black market. Nigel: Yeah, ID number two, Kenneth Moran of Livingston, Connecticut. Apparently, there's a warrant out for his arrest. Garret: What for? Nigel: Afraid I ht a red tape wall on that. But it's a federal warrant. Woody: So we've got a wanted felon tied down to his chair. And a federal air marshal with a bllet in him from his own gn. Bug: A gn which is still missing. Garret: All of 'em dad from asphyxiation. Nigel: Something went very wrong up there. Woody: Air marshal spots wanted felon. All hell breaks loose. Bug: I can’t imagine what her last few minutes must have been like. ME's Office: Conference Room* (There are now quite a few people gathered there waiting to hear about loved ones.) Woman: Excuse me. I don't know his blood type. Lily: Oh, that's okay. Just fill it out the best you can. Ma'am. I'm a little confused about something. How do you pronounce your husband's first name? Woman: Esuke. Lily: And your name is... Woman: I am Miku. Lily: According to the manifest, Esuke Yamamoto was traveling with Miku Yamamoto. Seats 8b and c. Woman: But I-I am here. Lily: I know, I just... Miku: I-I am Miku. Who is this person? Lily: I'm sure there's some sort of explanation. Jordan: Is this Mrs. McGuire? Hello, I'm Dr. Cavanaugh with the medical examiner's office in Massachusetts. I'm afraid that I have some very bad news. *Crash Site* Green: Detective Hoyt, Dr. Macy. Woody: I'm Hoyt. Green: Special Agent Molly Green, FBI. This is Carla Moran and her daughter, Kimmy. Her husband was on the plane. Woody: I'm so sorry. Right this way. Garret: How did you get here so fast? We just ID’d him a little while ago. Green: We flagged his alias on the manifest. Kenneth Moran was wanted for kidnapping. Mrs. Moran: He kidnapped our son Kyle. Woody: Your son. Mrs. Moran: Did you find him? Garret: We haven't completed our search yet, ma'am. Mrs. Moran: Kyle's on the donor list for a new liver. He's had four operations in the last year. His father just snapped, said no more. Green: The boy's gone days without medication. Doctors say he may not have survived more than a couple without it. Garret: We've ID'd 11 passengers so far. No children. According to the dates of birth listed on this manifest...How old did you say your son was? Mrs. Moran: He's ten. Garret: The youngest name here is a Miku Yamamoto, born in 1981. Woody: Your son was not on that plane, ma'am. Mrs. Moran: Then where is he? Green: And you can't think of any reason why your husband would be flying out of DC? Mrs. Moran: I told you how many times, no. Green: We have to retrace his steps if you want to find your son, Carla. Woody: Any friends or relatives down there? Mrs. Moran: I don't think so. My family's all here in New England, and Ken was an only child. Woody: What about his parents? Green: Why don't you let me ask the questions? Mrs. Moran: They died a few years ago. I think that's what started him off on all this. Woody: Started him off on what? Green: Do you mind, Detective? Mrs. Moran: On whatever you want to call it. His...downward spiral? Green: Hold that thought, Carla. Woody: You about to tell me my services are no longer needed? Green: That saves me the trouble. Woody: Boston PD does not work with the FBI. So why don't we stop wasting time arguing over jurisdiction, since these nice people don't have much time to waste. We need every agency available looking for their boy. Mrs. Moran: And you will find him, won't you? Green: We're doing our best, ma'am. Woody: Mrs. Moran, I guarantee you we'll find your son. You have my word on that. Man: I got the black box. Where's the NTSB? Bug: On that truck over there. Nigel: Hey, what's taking so long? When will this fre be out? Man: As soon as that fuel burns off. Bug: Yeah, how long will that be? Man: Another five, six hours. As long as the fre's contained to that pit, no since of wasting another drop of water on it. Nigel: Yeah, but that doesn't give us much chance of finding remains in it. Bug: There's still half a dozen unaccounted for. Beside from teeth, they'll be down to ashes. Man: I hate to tell you, fellows, but they already are. *ME's Office* Lily: Yes, may I help you? Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Lily: I'm sorry. I don't understand. Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Miku: Uh...(Speaking Japanese) Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Miku: Her daughter, Yoshiko, 25 years old. She believes she was on the plane. Lily: Let me double check the manifest. Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Miku: She says her daughter called yesterday to say she was flying home with a friend. (Speaking Japanese) Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Miku: A boyfriend? Lily: Why don't we take this into the other--other room? Miku: That's my husband! Woman: (Speaking Japanese) Miku: (Speaking Japanese) Boyfriend! Lily: Mrs. Yamamoto, please! Miku: (Speaking Japanese) Lily: Ladies, ladies! *Crash Site* Farrell Black box. (Voices on black box) Mary: Don't bother calling it in Captain, we've got in under control back here. The passenger's been restrained. Pilot: You're sure Mary? Farrell Restrained. Garret: That's Moran, our tied-up kidnapper. Pilot: Man, (slight coughing) Smell that? Co-pilot: I (coughing) I smell something. What the hell is it? Flight attendant: Oh my God! Passengers are falling. Pilot: It's some kind of- (coughing) some-some kind of, like a- switch to auto-pilot, would ya? Co-pilot: Oh, God... Farrell Chemical smell Pilot: We have a mayday, Close the door! Garret: We'll find out. Farrell When? Homeland security's waiting. Garret: Yes, I'm aware of that! Woody: Let's go, doc. Moran's in the van. Ready to go to the morgue. Garret: I'm not going. I can't look at the guy. Woody: What is it? Garret: I'm not leaving. Woody: But with his son waiting for him... Garret: This is such a long sht, Woody. Without his medication, that poor kid is probably already dad. For all we know Moran decided to punish himself for his own stupidity and go out in a blaze of glory that took 24 other lives with him, including one of our own. Woody: You may be right, but what if you're not, Dr. Macy? What if this kid is alive? Garret: Jordan can do the autopsy. I'm not leavin' my team. *ME's Office* (Jordan is trying to break into Devan's desk) Sidney: Hey, I could really use your help out here. Jordan: Okay, give me a minute. Sidney: Isn't that Devan's desk? Should you be doing that? Jordan: Report me. Lily: What did you say to her mother? Jordan: That, uh, we found her name on the passenger manifest and that we recovered her cell phone. Lily: What are you looking for? Jordan: I should have been kinder to her. Should have been more of a friend. Lily: Jordan. Don't do this to yourself. Jordan: I said some things that I shouldn't have, Lily. Mean, thoughtless... Lily: You had a right to be angry. How could you have known that she'd— Jordan: How can any of us know? And yet we say things. (Jordan holds out a photo of a work party) Sidney: Dr. Cavanaugh? Jordan: Just give me a second. Sidney: Look, you're not the only one that's having a bad day today. Jordan: No, Sidney, I didn't mean-- Sidney: We got new bodies coming in, and I got Woody on two for you. Woody: Anything you can find, Jordan. We need whatever we can that can lead us to this boy... Jordan: He’s right in front of me. Woody: I really need this one. Jordan: I'm on it. Are you okay? Woody: Yeah. Just get me some answers, okay, Jordan? *Crash Site: Inside* Mrs. Moran: What do we do in the meantime? Garret: Woody: Car dealer out of Virginia. Mrs. Moran: No, who is he? Green: He bought your husband's truck yesterday morning for $5,000 in cash. Woody: We found ten grand in cash at the crash site last night. Green: Any idea where he'd get the other half? Mrs. Moran: Ken started pulling cash out of our accounts last year. But he didn't take it when he took Kyle. I checked. Green: So why'd he take it out of the accounts? Mrs. Moran: He had issues with authority. First it was bad investments. Then his job was out-sourced to India. And when Kyle got sick-- Kimmy: They almost klled him. Woody: Wait, who almost klled who? Mrs. Moran: When he first was hospitalized, Kyle nearly died of staph infection. It left my husband believing that Kyle was worse off in the hospital than out. Green: So with another hospital stay looming... Mrs. Moran: I tried to stop him. He said he couldn't stand to lose anything else. Woody: You say the cash at home is still there? Mrs. Moran: There is no way he'd dare come and get it. Woody: Is that true, Kimmy? Did your dad come and get the money? Did he ask you to bring it to him? Mrs. Moran: How could she do that? She doesn't even know the money's there. Woody: Kimmy, Kimmy. Where did you last see your dad? Mrs. Moran: Look, leave her alone, she's been— Woody: Kimmy, where did you last see your dad? Kimmy: He made me swear I wouldn't tell. *Hotel/Motel Somewhere* Woody: What's with the gn? He's just a kid. Green: So you know he's alone? Woody: Let me see that key. Freeze, police! Officer: Bathroom clear. Green: Nothing. Man: I told you he paid cash for two nights only. Woody: Any idea where they went? Man: No. But he bought a few maps. Uh, New York, New Jersey, Maryland. Green: It's the route to DC. Man: I can't imagine they got too far. The boy, he didn't look good at all. Green: You see now why I try not to make guarantees to the mothers of missing children. Crash Site: Outside* Nigel: Bone. Third metacarpal of the right hand. Bug: And here's a middle phalanx. Garret: Bag him. I got a gn. It's a 9-millimeter Glock. Air marshal special ceramic bllts. It looks like two rounds fired. Bug: Two? Where'd the second one ht? Nigel: It's a needle in a haystack. It could take weeks. Garret: Well, then keep looking. We'll run for prints back in the morgue. Bug: You know, we can handle things here, boss. Garret: Who said you couldn't? Bug: It's just that if you wanted to go back to the morgue, I mean that's where the last of the larger remains are. There's no need for you to go through all of this. Nigel: We'll find her, Dr. Macy. Garret: Find everyone. *ME's Office* Jordan: Hey. Garret: Hey. Jordan: You still on your feet. Garret: Yeah, what's holding you up? Jordan: Woody said that you weren't coming back from the crash site until... Did you find her? Garret: No. She's one of five. Two pilots and three passengers still somewhere in the point of impact. You know, the heat of the fre. Jordan: What's that? Garret: This is the gn that son of a bitch took off the air marshal to sh*t down the plane. Jordan: Not with ceramic bllts he didn’t. Garret: You think a ceramic bllet could pierce something containing sulphuric acid? Jordan: Depends on the container, whatever it was. I still can't imagine how it got on the plane. Garret: Here's what I don't understand. Sulphuric acid is odorless, right? But on the block box, the pilots were chocking on a gas that had a smell to it. Jordan: Well, mixed with borax I'm sure it did. Garret: Borax? Jordan: From detergents used to clean synthetic carpets, like the one on the plane. Fumes when the acid ht must have been overwhelming. Garret: Woody's out there searching for his kid. Jordan: I know, he sounds possessed. Garret: Did you find anything? Jordan: Diatoms in his stomach lining. Wherever this guy was, he wasn't drinking designer water or from any tap. He was getting it from a natural spring. Garret: That narrows it down. Jordan: I also found traces of soil on his boot. Should be getting results back soon. What are you doing? I got this. Garret: Seems about the only thing worth doing right now. Jordan: Maybe not the only thing. I'll be back. Video Conference* Bug: What happened to you catching ten minutes of shuteye? Nigel: Oh, you know, idle minds... Jordan: Are a terrible thing to waste. Sorry, Bug, to your right. Bug: No keeping you away, is there, Madame Oz? Jordan: Ah, we do what we can. You all right? Bug: Yeah, considering. Sidney: How's this looking on your end, Nigel? Nigel: Couldn't done better myself, Sid. Just add passengers and we're there. (Sidney's created a 3D image of the interior of the plane on the computer while Bug and Nigel are dealing with the real-life setup recreated from the recovered debris.) Bug: So where does this thing go? Jordan: What is it? Bug: It was a wheelchair, believe it or not. Jordan: Okay, uh...yeah, one passenger listed with special needs. Sidney: Looks like there's a designated space, uh, right up front at the bulkhead, seat 1a. Nigel: 1a. Sidney: Where it's clamped to the floor. Jordan: Nice, okay, let's highlight Devan in seat 7b. Uh, Air Marshal, 3a. Moran, 4c. Now, then the pilots were both lost at the nose of the plane, point of impact. Bug: But how did Devan and the other two get there? Unless they weren't belted in. Jordan: Good question. Okay, uh, how 'bout this? Plane takes off. Air marshal gives the cabin a quick once-over and some how recognizes Moran from the FBI alert. Nigel: Moran. Bug: Air marshal. (For real-life re-enactment) He notices Moran. There's a struggle. Moran beats air marshal to his gn, which we know was fired twice. Nigel: Once into the air marshal's leg. And the second sht...Where? Jordan: No, guys, turn it around. Uh...Moran was seated behind the air marshal. He would have been facing the cockpit. Nigel: Bang. Bulkhead. Wheelchair. Battery. Jordan: Sulfuric acid. Bug: Which when applied to the synthetic fibers of the airplane's carpet... Sidney: Would create a noxious gas. Jordan: Enough to asphyxiate the entire cabin. Bug: So knowin' Devan, she probably got up to help. Took care of the air marshal after he was sht. Belted him in to her own chair, which is why we found him in the tail end of the plane. Nigel: And the other two overpowered Moran. Tied them to a seat with their own neckties. And they won the fight, you know. And as soon as the pilot announced that everything was fine, disturbance over, the fumes started to overtake the cabin. Jordan: People started dropping. But because Devan's not seated, she and the other two ht the floor. So when the plane crashed...anyone and anything not strapped down or belted in was suddenly thrust into the nose of the plane, including the fuel. Garret: Which is still burning. Sidney: So it means we're really not going to find her. Jordan: Don't tell that to Bug and Nigel. They went right back to water sifting for her. (Computer beeping) Jordan: What do you got? Garret: Your soil sample from Moran's boot. Apparently contains minerals traces indigenous to a third of all mountain areas in the northeast. Sidney: Yeah, well, that's great. It's covering how many hundred square miles? Garret: Connecticut River Valley's one of them. It's only been an hour from here. Jordan: So with the diatoms from ground water in Moran's stomach, we should be thinking, campgrounds, state parks-- Lily: Excuse me. Devan's mother's here. Jordan: I got it. You call Woody. *Police Precinct* Woody: (on phone) Hey, doc. What? No, no, no. This is beautiful. This is great. I'm gonna call you right back. Kimmy: I just didn't want them to hurt Kyle. Woody: Kimmy, that's fine. It's water under the bridge. We really don't have time for that right now. I gotta ask you guys, did you ever go camping? Mrs. Moran: Well, my husband used to as a kid. Woody: Great. I'm just gonna throw out the names of some state parks and tell me if any sound familiar, okay? Connecticut River Valley. Um, Holyoke Range Park, Mount Grace State Forest— Kimmy: Mount Grace. Woody: Mount Grace State Forest? Kimmy: Remember when we were little, grandpa rented that trailer up in Mount Grace? *ME's Office* Mrs. McGuire: So there are no remains? Jordan: Not yet, ma'am, no. Mrs. McGuire: Because...she wasn't belted in. Jordan: Yeah, helping to subdue a man with a gn, to keep him from harming others. Mrs. McGuire: That sounds just like her. Always sticking her nose where it didn't belong. Jordan: Yes, ma'am, but, uh, but she died a hero. Mrs. McGuire: Did you know her well? Jordan: No, I, well, I was, uh, I was only starting to. Mrs. McGuire: The last few years were...very difficult for her. She just gotten out of a bad relationship. And coming here just seemed to give her a new lease on life. Dissecting bodies in a morgue. Can you imagine? Jordan: Well, she was very good at it. Mrs. McGuire: Wait a minute. You're Jordan. I never put it together before. Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh. Jordan: Yes, ma'am, I'm, uh— Mrs. McGuire: Oh, she told me everything about you. She wouldn't talk about anything else. Jordan taught me this or I learned this from Jordan. Jordan: She said that? Mrs. McGuire: Yeah. You might not know this, but you were a good friend to her. A very, very good friend. Thank you. Mount Grace State Forest* Woody: Easy with the gn, fellows. It's a kid. Kyle: Stay back. Woody: Easy, easy. Where's my dad? Woody: You're dad, uh...he give you that gn? Kyle: He said not to let anyone come in here until he got back. Woody: That's a good plan. But your mom and your sister are at the end of this trail, and they're worried sick about you. Kyle: You're lyin'. My dad said you're all liars. Woody: You watch TV today? You see that plane crash? Kyle: Yeah, I saw it. Woody: That plane came from D.C. You know D.C.? That's where your dad went to go sell his truck. Kyle: Yeah, so. Woody: How do you suppose he was going to get back up here to see you? Kyle: You're lyin'. Woody: I'm so sorry, Kyle. I'm so sorry. Come on, give me the gn. Kyle: Stay back. My dad said not to. He said you were going to try to hurt me. Woody: Kyle. Your mom and Kimmy are in my car. You want me to bring them up here? Kyle: Are they okay? Woody: They're missin' you. Big time. They want you to get the help that you need. Kyle: So you're sayin' my dad is wrong. Woody: Not if it's wrong to love your son. Not if it's wrong to want what's best for him. He loved you, Kyle. He always will. Kyle: Why are you crying? Woody: I lost someone on the plane too. Kyle: And they died? (Woody nods. Kyle starts crying.) I want my mom. Mrs. Moran: Thank you. ME's Office* (Miku hands the other Japanese woman a handkerchief. They are both crying. They hug. Lily is also crying. Mrs. McGuire is looking a the pictures that Jordan found.) *Crash Site* Garret: Listen up, guys. Nigel: We haven't found— Garret: That's enough, that's enough. You did your best. Fellows. (He reads from a book) "As I stand on a mountaintop as the great bird approaches, she is small in my sight but grows larger on approach, until I am blessed with a full sight of her graceful wings, proud countenance and good company. All too quickly, she grows small again on the horizon and disappears from view. And I call out: 'There, she's gone!' But there are other mountaintops beyond me. And at the precise moment when I note the great bird's departure from my view, I know there are new eyes taking up the sight of her and fresh voices calling out: 'Here, she comes!' " 1	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x08 - f*re In The Sky"}	foreverdreaming
*ME's Office* Lily: Ran into an old friend of yours last night. Paul Spork. Jordan: Who? Lily: He said that they used to call him "Dork. " Which is creative. Jordan: Oh, Spork the dork. God, what a blast from the past. Lily: He said you two dated. Jordan: It was not a date, it was a disaster. He was a limo driver. We had to pick up a couple kids from prom and then drive 'em around while they made out in the back seat. Total buzzkill. Lily: He was a nice guy, though, right? Jordan: All I remember about him is that he had this really awful laugh. With a snort, like, (Snorts). Nigel: That's attractive. Jordan: They didn't call him "dork" for nothing. Lily: So giving him your phone number was maybe not such a good idea. Jordan: You didn’t. Lily: He seemed like a really nice guy. He's an architect now. You should really give him another chance. Jordan: Laughs don't change, Lily. Neither do people. Garret: Dork? *Pangborn Hall* Woody: And which room were they in? That one right over-- Jordan! Excuse us. Right this way. So you wanna study together? Jordan: Only if we can get naked in the stacks. Woody: C'mon, that stuff doesn't really happen. It's just a myth. Jordan: No comment. Woody: Man! I knew I shoulda gone to the library more. Jordan: Why is it in college you gotta listen to music at 150 decibels? Woody: Same reason you build lofts, buy futons, play hackysack, unless you are Zach Bouchard-- 19 years old-- in which case, you prefer fine wines and French cinema. The RA said he was here on a fencing scholarship. Jordan: Who found him? Woody: A maintenance guy. He had a work order to fix a light. Jordan: Pain Kllers, 20 pack. Empty. You find a su1c1de note? Woody: No. You think he klled himself? Looks that way. He had his whole life ahead of him. I don't get it. Jordan: You thrive on problems, Jordan. Others don’t. Woody: Well, that's a shame. *Motel* Carver: Hotel manager found him about an hour ago. Some unis bustin' a dope dealer couple of doors down scared off whoever did this. (A body is lying on its side in a tub filled with ice.) Nigel: The urban legend lives. (The body is shown- it has been opened up and there is no organs or anything in it.) There should be a phone nearby, and a message. Garret: What are you talkin' about? Nigel: It's the urban legend. A tourist is kidnapped so his kidney can be harvested. He wakes up in a tub full of ice, with a phone next to him and a message to call 911. Garret: As much as I appreciate the unfettered exuberance, Nigel, this is reality. Carver: Arturo Sanchez. Poor guy wrote his name in marker on his collar. Nigel: Poor guy, indeed. Garret: One incision sewn up. Why bother if you're gonna do this? Nigel: Liver temp's gonna be a problem. Garret: It's gonna be hard to do an autopsy. Carver: Why is that? Garret: His organs are gone. {Crossing Jordan Intro} Garret: Looks like there was a table here. Nigel: You're thinking what I'm thinking, aren't you? Garret: I try not to. Nigel: This is about body part harvesting. Why take a kidney when you can have the whole kit and caboodle? It's the urban legend run amok. Garret: All right, see what else you can find and try to stay out of the twilight zone. Carver: All right, so you rented a room to a John Smith for the past year and you never met him? Man: Spoke once to him on the phone. He made a standing reservation for this room every Sunday. I left a key under the doormat. Carver: That was very accommodating. Garret: Weren't you curious to know what was going on in here? Man: Well, every Monday the room was spotless and there'd be five bills on the dresser. Pretty much answered my nagging questions. Carver: You know, maybe talkin' to us downtown at the station would help jog your memory. Man: Okay. Uh... look. I saw a Hispanic guy. Young, baseball cap. Drove off in a rusty, blue Datsun. Carver: See what happens when you start thinkin'? Man: Mm. Nigel: Dr. M. Surgical glove. Used suture packet. What do you make of this? Sample from the tub. Garret: Organ preservative. Nigel: Right. Proof positive of body part harvesting. Garret: Anything else? Nigel: Wire receipt. With a message in Spanish. Victim dropped it. Garret: He wired $1,000 to Guatemala this morning. This poor bastard wasn't kidnapped. He sold his organs. *DeCicco Fencing Gymnasium* Lucas: 'Course I heard about Zach. Woody: Yet here you are at practice. One would think his own roommate-- Lucas: Look, I know it looks callous, but I didn't know what else to do. Great guy, great fencer, but we didn't share, you know? And he kept stuff to himself. Woody: Somethin' as big as killin' yourself over, you'd think it would show. Lucas: Look, you probably need to talk to Professor Danvers. Woody: Who's he? Lucas: She. Woody: She one of Zach's professors? Lucas: Faculty advisor. Woody: Lately, she was riding him about something or what? Lucas: Riding him? Yeah. Uh, yeah, you could say that. *ME's Office* Sidney: You said this guy was a fencer? Jordan: Yeah, but you wouldn't get cuts like this from fencing. Sidney: Yeah, whatever. That's not how he klled himself. Jordan: You're gonna find hydrocodone on the tox screen. I need to know how much was in his system. Sidney: You think this is what klled him? Jordan: 20 pills missing from the pack. That's my guess. Sidney: Okay. Jordan: Sidney, hang on. Boy, this looks like a bloody fingerprint. Sidney: Yeah, it's probably his. You know, from the blood from the cuts on his hand. He coulda touched himself and, y'know, touched his collar. Jordan: Yeah. Pull the print off anyway, just to be sure. Sidney: Girl, do you know how hard it is to pull a print like that off a pattern like this? Jordan: Yeah, I-- Lily: Jordan. There's a Professor Danvers here. She was Zach Bouchard's faculty advisor. She wants to speak to the ME on the case. Jordan: Well, uh, that'd be me. Sidney: You just had to wear a shirt like this, huh? Danvers: You make it sound like he committed su1c1de. Jordan: That's the way it looks. Danvers: He couldn't have done that. It's not possible. You're making a mistake. Jordan: I'm sorry. Danvers: Zach was... special. Driven. More sure of himself than, uh, other students. (Laughs) Do you know what it's like to spend your days with normal 18 and 19-year-olds? Jordan: I don't even wanna know. Woody: Professor Danvers, hi. I'm Detective Woody Hoyt. Your office said you'd be here. Is this a good time to ask you a few questions? Was there anything going on in your relationship with Zach that would've depressed him enough to kll himself? Danvers: What are you implying? Woody: You were in a relationship with him, right? A sexual relationship. Danvers: Who told you that? Woody: His roommate. Danvers: I don't believe this. Not any of it. Autopsy: Zach Bouchard* Woody: I'm not surprised Professor Danvers is trying to hide her affair with Zach. The lady's old enough to be his mother. Jordan: Oh, she is not. And give me a break. If it was a male professor with a coed, you'd be slappin' him a high-five. Woody: I would not! All right, maybe a low-five. Jordan: This was not a su1c1de. Woody: What? Jordan: His lower ribs are fractured, and there's hemorrhaging in the muscle tissue. He was burked. Woody: What?! Jordan: Someone compressed his chest until he died. He was deliberately asphyxiated. Woody: He'd fight back. Jordan: Not if you slipped him a couple of pain Kllers. Woody: Could a woman do it? Jordan: If he was drugged, sure. Woody: How bad did the professor want to keep her little secret? Jordan: She said she had not secret to keep. Woody: I plan to find that out. Trace Evidence 2: Arturo Sanchez* Bug: No match for the prints on the surgical glove, Dr. M. Garret: What about the log number on the suture packet? Bug: Still runnin' the trace. Garret: This guy was strip-mined. Cartilage taken from the knees, corneas gone. Bug: He was snookered. Parts of the human body are worth 230 grand sold separately. Came up in a trivia game. Garret: This one sewn incision still doesn't make sense. Bug: Final closure was done with a running subcuticular suture. Garret: Son of a bitch who did this is a trained surgeon. Nigel: Got a translation on that money wire message. "To my family: Use this money to send Juan and Inez to school. More will be coming. I miss you dearly. With all my love, Papa." Bug: (Beeping) We got a trace on the suture packet. Shyler Medical Supply, Dunlap Street. *Shyler Medical Supply* Shyler: John Smith. Doesn't ring a bell. But I got orders comin' out of my ears. Carver: Well, listen, would you mind if we took a look? Shyler: Knock yourselves out. (Phone ringing) Shyler Medical. Yeah. Lemme look. Garret: There it is, John Smith. Carver: Standing order, same supplies every week, and the address is... Garret: Paradise Motel, room six. Shyler: Yeah, I got it. All right. Garret: You know, you sell a lot of surgical supplies. Do you check the medical licenses of who it's going to? Shyler: With the initial order. I run a DEA number. If it clears, their name goes in the system. Carver: Yeah, but not the DEA number? Shyler: What, you wanna bust me for poor record keeping? Look, maybe one of my delivery crew knows something. Check in the lot. Garret: Hey. Baseball cap, rusty blue Datsun. Carver: Excuse me. (The guy at the car starts to run off) Whoa! Don't even try, 'cause I will use this. (Carver grabs him, throws him face down on the car and grabs his wallet.) Manuel Rios, where's the fre? Rios: I didn't mean it. Tell Sylvia I would never hurt her. She can have the money. This isn't about my alimony? Garret: You were seen outside room six at the Paradise Motel. A mrder's been committed there. Rios: Hey, I just deliver stuff. Once a week, I drop off supplies for a guy named John Smith. Carver: D'you ever meet him? Rios: No. I just leave a box at the door. Carver: Ever see anything unusual? Rios: Uh... once I was late on delivery, and I saw someone go in. Uh, a guy I see in my neighborhood. A doctor. *Boston Police Precinct* (Woody is interrogating Danvers. Jordan is watching through the one way mirror.) Woody: The bad news is, Professor, the ME's ruled out su1c1de. Danvers: That's bad news? Woody: Your boyfriend was mrder. Danvers: mrder. Woody: Maybe I should be talking to Howard. Your husband. The one you're in a custody battle with. The one you forgot to tell me about. Danvers: He had nothing to do with this. He doesn't know about Zach and me. Woody: I believe you. Because, if he did know, then this custody battle would be over, wouldn't it? Cradle robbing mom loses sole custody to dad. Which brings us back to you. So my first question is gonna be-- Danvers: You have questions? Call my lawyer. I assume I'm free to go. Jordan: You're a hell of a good liar. Danvers: I spent the better part of a decade in a horrible marriage. Zach saved my life. I didn't kll him. Jordan: As a su1c1de, this made me sad. As a mrder, it makes me very angry. Woody: Well, why don't you channel that anger into getting me some solid evidence, so I can talk to Mrs. Robinson again. *Grocery Market* Carver: Now, this is a strange place to find a doctor. Garret: Lemme ask this guy. Excuse me. Donde esta Dr. Alex Cuevas? Cuevas: I was there, but I didn't kll anyone. Garret: Artutro Sanchez is quite dad. Cuevas: I was-- I am a surgeon from Colombia. Carver: Oh, so you're here illegally. Cuevas: Yes. I thought I could start a new life here, but I have been blackmailed into harvesting kidneys. Garret: Who's blackmailing you? Cuevas: An organ broker I never met. Carver: Lemme guess. His name is John Smith? Cuevas: Yes. He calls me here, tells me when a patient is ready. I go to the motel, I remove his kidney, I put it in a cooler, and then I leave with the patient very much alive. Carver: Okay, how's this for a theory? You're John Smith. Cuevas: I didn't kll him. I didn't even harvest his kidney, because it showed signs of amyloidosis. Carver: Signs of what? Garret: Protein deposits in the tissues. Can be caused by systemic illness. He could have had an infectious disease. Why should we believe you? Cuevas: Because I closed him up and left. Look on the body. You should find a left flank incision I sutured. Garret: Where did the donors come from? Cuevas: I don't know. There were plenty of volunteers. They were paid $1,000 upfront, another $5,000 after the surgery. Carver: How much were you paid? Cuevas: Nothing. I had no choice. I never wanted any part of this. Carver: All right, we'll check the phone records here. In the meantime, Dr. Cuevas, you're gonna be our guest downtown. DeCicco Fencing Gymnasium* Woody: Cool. (Making whooshing sword noises) Nice feint. Yeah, I took a PE rotation back at community college. Do you mind if I ask you a few more questions? Lucas: No. You mind if I keep practicing? We got a meet this weekend against NYU, and I'm taking Zach's spot. Woody: I'm not very good, so take it easy on me. (They begin fencing) Lucas: Okay. Woody: Do you remember Professor Danvers comin' by Zach's dorm room at all? Lucas: Uh, not that I'm aware of. But between classes and fencing-- ah! Woody: Mm! Lucas: I'm not in the dorm room that much. Woody: Do you have, uh, any recollection of their relationship? Did they fight at all? Lucas: What, do you think Danvers is the reason Zach klled himself? Woody: Actually... Zach was mrder. Lucas: No way. Woody: Way. I also couldn't help but notice the cuts you had on your arm the other day. They were a lot like Zach’s. Lucas: It's stupid, really. We were duelin' around with some antique blades, and things got out of hand. We were just goofin' around. Now, look. If my coach finds out that I used real blades, I'd be booted off the team. Woody: Where were you two nights ago? Lucas: I was here until around 6:00. Then I went to a kegger at Farley hall. Woody: Anyone verify that? Lucas: Yeah. About 100 drunk freshman. (Laughs) Woody: What time you get back to your dorm room? Lucas: I didn’t. I hooked up with this one chick named Amber, but when I woke up, I was late to practice, so I came straight here. Woody: Amber who? Lucas: I don't remember. She lives in Farley, though. Second floor. Look. I swear to you, I didn't kll Zach. Woody: You better hope I find this Amber girl. Trace Evidence: Zach Bouchard* Sidney: The print on the victim's shirt was pretty much unreadable because of the pattern of the fabric. But since I chose to accept your mission-- check it out. (Typing on keyboard) There's no way to lift the print, so the secret is eliminating the background. Jordan: Now, that is just cool. Sidney: Oh, no, it's like ice, baby. You see, I'm running an algorithm which estimates ridge minutiae using mathematical probabilities in a Gaussian envelope. Woody: Hey, man. You don't have to talk down to me. Sidney: I'm enhancing the print so we get more than an eight-point match. Woody: So we don't know whose print this is. Sidney: Not yet. It's gonna take some time. Lily: Oh, Jordan. Jordan: Yes, Spork the dork called. Uh, no, I haven't called him back yet. Lily: Actually, it's about Zach Bouchard. Jordan: What about him? Lily: I just spoke with his parents. Jordan: Were they able to tell us anything about Zach? Lily: No, there wasn't much to say. 'Cause Zach Bouchard died when he was five years old. *Trace Evidence 2: Arturo Sanchez* Bug: Well, hello there, Calliphora vomitoria. Nigel: Stop being pretentious. It's a maggot. Garret: Did you stain that prostate sample I asked you to, Nigel? Nigel: There's a joke there somewhere. Yeah, I did, with a dollop of congo red. Bug: I found a Calliphora vomitoria in the victim's ear. Garret: His body's too fresh for maggots. Bug: Indeed. And take a look there. Garret: Blood flukes. Could be Schistosoma mansoni given where he's from. Nigel: Ready for you, Dr. M. (Phone ringing) Garret: Dr. Cuevas was right. Amyloidosis, as a result of his parasite infection. Nigel: Right. Bug: Dr. Macy. It's Detective Carver. She found the organ broker. *Shyler Medical Supply* Shyler: Organ brokering. This is a joke, right? Carver: We have phone records of you calling Dr. Cuevas. Shyler: Manuel. C'mere for a second. Boy, are you two gonna end up with egg on your faces. Manuel, tell these good folks what you do every week at the Naranjo Market. Rios: I pick up groceries for Mr. Shyler. Shyler: Thank you. That'll be all. Sure, I call the stockroom. I order groceries, 'cause they have the best produce in town. As for this Dr. Cuevas... never heard of him before. Carver: Let's just say I don't believe in coincidence. Garret: You were arrested eight years ago trying to buy a kidney from an undercover officer. Shyler: My uncle needed it. He died after three years on a waiting list. Garret: Maybe that spurred your business plan. Shyler: Let's say, hypothetically, you're right. I'd think you, as a doctor, would appreciate the beauty of a system that saves lives and benefits all. Garret: That's a rosy view of the black market. Shyler: Donors who need money get paid for an organ that goes to someone dying on a waiting list. It's a win-win. A broker's a savior. Garret: Or in this case, a mrder. Shyler: Whose mrder? Garret: The donor’s. When he's sacrificed for all his parts because the broker got greedy. Not to mention the disease that could be spread because nobody bothered testing him. There's nothing hypothetical about it. Shyler: Well, then, it's a good thing I'm not a broker. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got customers waiting. Carver: (quietly, to Garret) I'll get traps put on his phones. *ME's Office* (Garret is on the internet on the Medical Examiner Journal of America web site. The site headline is International Traffic in Human Organs. He is recalling thing that people have said to him.) Nigel: The urban legend lives. Shyler: A broker's a savior. Cuevas: Look on the body. You should find a left flank incision I sutured. (Nigel interrupts Garret from his thoughts.) Nigel: Dr. Macy. You're not gonna believe this. You know that maggot we found in Arturo Sanchez? It's radioactive. Bug: I mashed up the little bugger and got these chromatography results. It came from soil contaminated with uranium 235. Garret: That's used in power and wapon plants. Nigel: The Concord Uranium Processing Plant... to be exact. A study was done last year to assess the cost of cleaning the contaminated site. They did soil analysis every 500 square feet. You're looking at the results. (A map is shown with a grid overlay and numbers in each grid square) Garret: What was the uranium level in the maggot? Bug: 78. 2 picocuries. Came from here. Concord Uranium Plant Field* (Police siren sounding) Garret: We got two decomposed bodies so far, strip-mined like Arturo Sanchez. Nigel: Found some tire marks and some drops of engine oil. Looks like someone was just here. Garret: You got that right. This one's fresh. *Autopsy: Organ Harvesting Victims* Nigel: A piece of blue plastic tarp, just like we found in the motel room. Garret: All right, the mrder wrapped the bodies in it to transport 'em to the gravesite. Nigel: Then he unfurled the tarp, dumped the bodies, and reused it. Bug: He must've picked up the maggot the last time. Transferring it to Arturo Sanchez when he tried to wrap him up. Nigel: So your Dr. Cuevas couldn't have been the culprit. He was in custody when the fresh body was dumped. Garret: We haven't found our kller yet, so the clock's ticking. Okay, here's the game plan. I want all three bodies tested for infectious diseases-- HIV, hepatitis b and c, rabies, etcetera. I need a blood type, HLA markers, and a leukocyte crossmatch on the fresh body. Notify the National Transplant Registry, the potentially diseased organs could be available in the next 48 hours. Let's determine an exact time of death on the two decomposed victims. Start facial reconstruction and cross-reference any missing persons reports. *Interrogation: Cuevas* Garret: Tell me who you recognize. There was no match to any missing person, so we assume they were all illegal immigrants. Carver: Did you operate on these men? Cuevas: Not that one. The other two, yes. Garret: You removed their kidneys? Cuevas: Yes, and they were alive when I left them. Carver: Who could've done this? Cuevas: Anyone. Organs can be crudely harvested, as long as there was somebody on the other end who could clean them up before transplant. Garret: Do you know the names of these men? Carver: Look! You may have been cleared of mrder, but you should know you're still in a helluva lot of trouble. Cuevas: In Colombia, I was thrat with bodily harm if I refused to treat a drug lord. I came here and I found myself in a similar situation. I am done with thrat. You could keep me locked up, and I'd be glad. I don't know his name, but I have seen him before at El Pescador restaurant. He worked there as a busboy. ME's Office* Danvers: I'm here against my better judgment. Jordan: Zach Bouchard's real name was David Parks. He was 32 years old, divorced. Danvers: What? Jordan: Well, that answers my first question. You obviously didn't know. Look, it's possible something from his past caught up with him. Danvers: Whose past? David Parks'? Zach was 19. He told me he loved me. Was that a lie too? Was anything real? Woody: You happen to pull any records from Finchley on that Zach Bouchard? Lily: Yes, what are you looking for? Woody: How somebody with no transcripts got into an elite college. Lily: Well, his application said he was home schooled. Somebody did a good job. 1600 on his SAT’s. Jordan: How could he be a 32-year-old dropout-- a 32-year-old anything? Lily: What? Woody: I don't know, but here it is. Lily: He was 32? Jordan: Yeah. What was he running from? Woody: No record, no warrants. Maybe he didn't like his family life, maybe he wanted to finish his education. Jordan: Yeah, but 32-year-olds go to college. Why pretend you're 19? Woody: If you can get away with it, why not? Lily: Hey, Garret. I need your signature on a requisition. Garret: (very quietly) There you go. Lily: For an in-house masseuse. Garret: I'm sorry, w-what? Lily: Something on your mind? Garret: (Laughs) I was just wondering what I would do for a living if I had to flee the country. Lily: Say no more. Got a full tnk of gas. You'd be across the border by midnight. (Laughs) Okay. Obviously, I have some experience with your commitment issues. Just never thought they translated to your career. So what's this really about? Garret: When I was a kid, I wanted to be an engineer. You know, the kind that drives a train. (Laughs) Then, when I started playing drums, I wanted to be a musician. I don't know when I wanted to be a doctor. It just happened. But now that I am, could I not be one, if I had to give it all up? I... Lily: None of us really know what we'd do under those circumstances. I'd like to think you'd find another way to help people. I think that's who you are, Garret. Garret: I wasn't asking you to make me feel better. Lily: I know. I can't help it. That's who I am. Woody: David Parks, aka Zach Bouchard, didn't have a prescription for hydrocodone, but Professor Danvers did. Jordan: Okay, she didn't kll him. Woody: Well, according to her pharmacist, she got the pills in blister packs, just like we found in Zach's dorm room. Jordan: You can find blister packs like that in half the dorm rooms on any campus. Woody: So now that you bonded with the professor, I'm supposed to leave her alone. Jordan: She didn't do it. And it's unlikely anyone from his past wanted him dad. I talked to his ex-wife. She said he never made an enemy in his life. Woody: She explain why he reinvented himself? Jordan: He dropped out of Ohio State when she got pregnant. They got married, but then she left him for someone else. She thinks he never got over missing college. Sidney: (Knocking) Dr. Cavanaugh. I finally got an ID on that print. Woody: Excuse me, but didn't Professor Innocent say that she did not see Zach the day he died? I guess this bloody fingerprint was left behind form some other time Zach just happened to cut himself. Interrogation: Shyler* Carver: There were several witnesses at the El Pescador restaurant who saw you talking to the victim two days before he died. It was in Mr. Shyler's car. There was a security camera in the parking lot. Garret: You were using the restaurant as a recruiting ground for organ donors. That's the down payment for his kidney, I believe. Shyler: He was late on his rent. I was helping him out. Garret: Four victims have been found eviscerated, and you seem very unaffected. Shyler: But I had nothing to do with it. You already have your man. Cuevas. *ME's Office* (Elevator bell rings) Bug: These donors are getting us nowhere. Garret: Well, we can nail Shyler another way--through the recipients. We're six hours out from the most recent victim. Bug: The organs of Arturo Sanchez are probably being transplanted as we speak. Garret: Our best bet is the busboy. He died six weeks ago. Transplanted recipients might be out of the hospital already. Bug: I could tissue type him, try finding matching recipients who took themselves off the waiting list in the last six weeks. Garret: Do it. I'll call the National Transplant Registry. *Vernon Abbot Residence* Garret: Vernon Abbott? Abbot: Yes. Can I help you? Garret: I'm Garret Macy with the Medical Examiner's Office. How you doin' today? Abbot: Fine. What's this all about? Garret: You look good. You look healthy. You removed yourself from a kidney transplant waiting list five weeks ago. I have reason to believe that you purchased a kidney on the black market. Abbot: You don't understand. I had no choice. I was dying on that waiting list. I'm an old man. Six more months, I won't even be eligible for a transplant operation. I had to do something. I want to see my grandchildren... grow up. Garret: I need to know who sold you that kidney. Abbot: But he saved my life. Garret: You're not gonna do your grandchildren any good sittin' in jail. Abbot: His name is... Roger Shyler. Garret: How much did you pay him? Abbot: $60,000. I transferred the money directly into his account. *Shyler Medical Supply* Carver: The bank helped me track it back to Shyler. I want every scrap of paper seized. Officer: Boston PD, everybody freeze! Garret: Son of bitch. (The enter the office and it has been cleared out) Officer: There's no sign of him, Dr.Macy. Garret: Okay. Carver: Send a unit out immediately. We'll be right there. Those traps on Shyler's phone may have paid off. The last call outta here was to a Russian national, Karl Marchenko. His private plane is scheduled to leave Worchester Airport in half an hour. Garret: How much you wanna bet Shyler's on that plane? *Worchester Airport* Carver: Karl Marchenko? Where's Roger Shyler? Marchenko: I don't know. (An officer approves a box that is sitting next to Marchenko.) Don't touch that! Garret: Did you buy this from Roger Shyler? Marchenko: I don't know who you're talking about. No! (The officer opens the box an inside in a chamber there is a human heart, still beating.) Please. My son needs that heart. I'm begging you. *Boston Police Precinct* Carver: We know you bought that heart from Roger Shyler. Marchenko: I told you, we met, but he never gave me his name. Garret: (Phone ringing) Macy. Nigel: Yeah, I've got a match on the print from the organ preservation machine. I'm emailing it over right now. Okay. Carver: You don't recognize him? Marchenko: He's not here. Garret: Are you sure? Marchenko: Positive. (A photo of person whose fingerprint matches comes up on the computer.) That's him. The guy who sold me the heart. Carver: Shyler's delivery boy? Manuel Rios? Marchenko: We met at a bar on Fremont. He was nervous. He left in a taxi because he was worried that someone was following him. Garret: What taxi company was it? Marchenko: Yellow Cab, I think. Carver: Let's find out where he went. *Sahara Motel* Carver: There's a John Smith registered, fits the description. Garret: He had plenty of opportunity to witness organ harvest. If he was in charge of cleanup afterwards, it woulda been easy to kll the donors. Carver: (Whispering to an officer) All right. Police, freeze! Drop it! (When they enter, Rios has a scalpel in hand and is about to cut someone open.) Macy! Garret: He's alive. Call the paramedics. Where's Shyler? Rios: How should I know? Garret: Was it his idea to kll the donors? Carver: Look, you're in enough trouble as it is. If you know anything-- Rios: Shyler was an idiot. He was making pennies off a lousy kidney. Garret: And it was so easy to take out everything, right? Rios: No one's gonna miss these guys. Garret: Get him outta here. *Boston Police Precinct* (Woody is interrogating Danvers, again. Jordan is watching through the one way glass.) Woody: Professor, now, you said you did not see Zach the day he died, but we found a fingerprint on his bloody shirt. Danvers: All right. I saw him. I went to meet him at the fencing gym. He was hurt. I helped him clean up. Woody: Why'd you lie about that? Danvers: Love can make you stupid, Detective. Woody: Anyone see you leave the gym? Danvers: I passed Zach's roommate Lucas on my way out. Woody: You've recently filled a prescription for hydrocodone. The same drug we found in Zach. You care to explain? Danvers: He was in pain. I thought they might help. Woody: They knock him out so you could kll him? Danvers: Look, I could never-- I've never been to Zach's room. Why would I be stupid enough—? Woody: In your own words, Professor... “Love makes you stupid. “ Woody: This woman makes Pinocchio look honest. Jordan: There's still no evidence placing her in Zach's dorm room. Woody: All right, you go back to his room, see if CSU missed anything. I'll go find Lucas, see if Danvers' alibi version 5. 0 checks out. Pangborn Hall* Jordan: I kll my boyfriend; I gotta leave a trace somewhere. Sidney: Now, to burke a guy while he's sleepin', you're gonna have to sit on his chest, right? Jordan: Yeah. Sidney: (Sighs) Well, then, you gotta pull up on the frame... to get enough pressure. So there has to be a print under here somewhere. (referring to under the bed frame) Jordan: You find anything? Sidney: (Sighs) No. Just dust bunnies. Jordan: You know what, uh... all right, I'll get on top. Sidney: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, yo. Hey, man, we had a seminar about this. I'm staying right here. Jordan: Look--okay, she lies on top of him. But she can't get enough leverage, so... she pushes up against the top bunk... to get pressure. Would you pass me the white light? Sidney: Yeah. Jordan: Thanks. (There are shoe prints on the bottom of the top bunk) Oh. Adhesive on the left shoe. Tape maybe. Sidney: The professor's feet are that big? DeCicco Fencing Gymnasium* Woody: That the sword you lost to Zach with? Lucas: I didn't lose. Woody: That's not what I heard. I also heard you would've lost your scholarship, if Zach hadn't been conveniently mrder. Lucas: Like I said, I didn't kll him. Jordan: But if the shoe fits... I'm guessing these will. I already matched them to the shoe print found on the bedspring above Zach's bunk. And this tape matches the adhesive we found. (Lucas holds up the sword toward Jordan. Woody whips out his gn. Lucas hands over the sword.) Woody: Looks like you lose, Lucas. Once again. ME's Office* Danvers: (Elevator bell rings) Dr. Cavanaugh. I... I wanted to thank you. Jordan: I'm just doing my job. Danvers: I was a real chump, wasn't I? Jordan: You couldn't have known. Danvers: I suppose I'm grateful that I wasn't a cradle robber after all. Not that the university sees it that way. I've been suspended, pending a review. Jordan: I'm very sorry. Danvers: I know you think what Zach and I had was wrong. Jordan: You were his advisor. You had a duty to maintain a boundary. Danvers: Tell me, have you had many relationships? Jordan: Enough. Danvers: I haven’t. My marriage went sour years ago. So I've been alone for a long time. And it's hard when everyone around you is finding true love. It's not an excuse. But when Zach came along, I just wasn't thinking. I so wanted... a second chance. Don't we all deserve that? Cuevas: (Knocks) Dr. Macy? Garret: Come on in. Cuevas: The DA is not pressing any charges against me. I think I have you to thank for that. (Garret hands Cuevas a piece of paper) Garret: This is a friend of mine with INS. He's expecting your call. Cuevas: Why are you helping me? Garret: Because I'd like to think that someone would do the same for me, if I were in your position. Cuevas: If... if I could ever repay you— Garret: No. It's all right, Dr. Cuevas. Jordan: Hey, boss. Garret: Hey. Jordan: Any leads on Shyler? Garret: No. Jordan: Rumor has it the heart you recovered at the airport is missing. Garret: Is that right? Jordan: Yeah, seems to have made its way to a Russian boy in a Montreal hospital. Garret: That's bizarre. Jordan: If you knew anything about this, you'd tell me, though, right? Garret: No. Jordan: Okay, just checking. Garret: Feel like grabbin' a drink? Jordan: Sorry, I already made plans. Garret: It's the dork, isn't it? Jordan: We talked. Uh, so his laugh hasn't changed, but, you know, he seemed... he seemed nice. Garret: Nice is nice. Jordan: Everyone deserves a second chance, right? Garret: Word of advice. Try not to sabotage things before dessert. Jordan: Who, me?	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x09 - Necessary Risks"}	foreverdreaming
*ME's Office* (Woody is entering the elevator) Jordan: Hey, hold the elevator! Whoa! Woody: Oh, no, no, no. Jordan: Good morning to you, too, Woody. Woody: I'll take the next car. Jordan: Oh, don't be ridiculous! Woody: I refuse to be an accessory, Jordan. Jordan: Look, I won't do it, okay? Woody: You do it every time we ride in an elevator together. Jordan: Not every time. But, you know, a nice, warm, caffeinated beverage might actually talk me out of it. Woody: It's a double caramel latte with extra caramel. (Woody hands over the coffee to Jordan and a man enters the elevator) Jordan: Blood was coming from everywhere, man. I swear, it was spurting out of this guy. Out of his ears, his mouth, his eyes! Clothes were drenched too. The floor, I swear, it was like the red sea. You're not gonna believe this. Excuse me, sir. Hi, this is your floor. Man: Oh, yes, so it seems. Jordan: So what actually happened was he cut on-- whew! Woody: I gave you my coffee, Jordan. Jordan: I told you it might talk me out of it. I'm telling you, that never gets old. Woody: Speak for yourself. Jordan: Hey, Lily, what's up? You get demoted, hang up your grief counselor's stripes? Lily: Emmy's out sick. So Garret asked me to come in. Jordan: Well, you're bigger person than I, giving up a day off. Lily: Which means I have no life. Something came in for you. Hold on. Claudia: Excuse me... Hi, I'm Claudia Simpson. I was asked to come down and identify a body. Jordan: Oh, she can actually help you. Lily: Hi. I'm Lily. What was the name of the decedent? Claudia: Uh, honestly, I don't know. Lily: Okay, uh, why don't you fill this out? Man: Claudia. Claudia: Yes? Man: I knew you'd come! (The man pulls out a gn and sht Claudia with at least four shts before the security guards grabs at his arm. Jordan and Lily both have blood splatter on them. They duck for cover behind the reception desk just as the sh*t flees through a fre alarm door.) Jordan: Are you all right? Lily! Lily! Are you all right? Woody: Jordan, what the-- Jordan: He went out the emergency exit! Woody: Are you-- Jordan: Yes, yes, go! (Lily appears as if she is in shock. Jordan heads over to Claudia and slaps her face and checks her pulse but there is no response.) Lily: Oh, my god. Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god. Oh, my god. {Crossing Jordan Intro} Garret: Yes, Mr. Mayor, at this point, it seems to be an isolated incident. Woody: I lost him in the garage. If he parked there, maybe we can get a ht on his car. Nigel: I've already got security pulling the surveillance videos. Woody: Jordan, did you get a good look at him? Jordan: Yeah, he was about eight inches long and made of steel. Woody: How about you, Lily? Lily? (Lily is staring at Claudia's body) Lily. Lily: Uh, no he was behind me. Woody: Well, according to her card, Claudia Simpson was a travel agent. Did she say who she was here to see? Jordan: It was weird. She didn't really seem to know. Bug: I, uh, dug this out of the wall. It's a nine-millimeter lead alloy. Jordan: It looked like a Beretta, but, you know, it happened so fast. Bug: Oh, I'll need to open this, if that's okay. Jordan: Yeah, sure, it's just a birthday gift from my dad. Lily: Oh, my god. I was holding that. Bug: You're a lucky lady. Garret: All transports are being rerouted to the nearest hospital until we have this under control. Woody: I'll go find out what I can about this Claudia Simpson. Garret: Nigel, Bug, let's pull the intake files for the last 24 hours. If we can figure out who our victim was here to see, it may tell us why she was klled. Nigel: Okay. Garret: Jordan, maybe you should— Jordan: Yeah. Come on, Lily. Let's go get some scrubs, huh? Lily: Jordan? Jordan: Yeah? Lily: Did you think we were gonna die? Jordan: Not a chance. Lily: I kept thinking that if I had been a few inches to my left or if his aim was off— Jordan: Lily... look, you're fine. We both are. Jordan: Hey, Nige, where we at? Nigel: 35 corpses have come in within the last 24 hours. None with the last name of Simpson. All but 13 have been identified by family members and friends. Give us a hand with this, will you? So we're going over each, one by one, just to see if there's anything that connects back to our victim. Jordan: Like finding a needle in a haystack. Nigel: Got a better idea? Jordan: Hey, there a method to this madness? Garret: Think of it as triage. We prioritize the bodies starting with the most suspicious deaths. Bug: And this girl is next. Anonymous 911 caller saw her body dumped near the Lowell Street on ramp. Jordan: Could be Claudia Simpson is her mother. Hey, Garret, what do you got? Garret: 30-something John Doe found in an alley. Two gn wounds to the chest. Wallet missing. Probable robbery. Jordan: Okay, rigor hasn't set in. She's only been dad a few hours. Bug: Petechial hemorrhaging in the eyes. Jordan: Ah, there's bruising around the mouth. Looks like asphyxiation. Bug, do you smell that? Bug: Hmm. Like strawberries. Jordan: Maybe lip gloss? (Garret pulls a bllet from the John Doe) Garret: Nigel, run this through ballistics database, will you? Bug: Oh, I, uh, put that gift for your dad back in your office. I'm afraid the sweater didn't survive the shting. Jordan: It doesn't matter. I don't know where to send it, anyway. Nigel: If you want to find Max, I know an ace PI. Jordan: You know what? He wants his space. Who am I to force the issue? Wow, whatever this stuff is, it sure leaves a good print. Nigel: Whoa, Nelly! Garret: What is it? Nigel: The bllet that klled John Doe came from the same gn that klled Claudia Simpson. Jordan: Looks like we found our needle. Bug: So you think this is the guy that Claudia Simpson came to ID? Garret: Let's ID him and find out. Simpson Travel Agency* Woody: Has anyone died recently? Any friends, any relatives? Mr. Simpson: No. Woody: Tell me, do you recognize this guy? (Woody shows the man a surveillance picture of the sh*t.) Mr. Simpson: Who is he? Woody: We're still working on that one. Did you sister have any enemies to speak of? Any business dealings that went sour? Mr. Simpson: Not that I can think of. Woody: Now... I'm about to show you a picture. Does he look familiar? (Woody shows the man a picture of the John Doe.) Mr. Simpson: No. Who's he? Woody: We're still working on that one too. He was sht and klled by the same gn that klled your sister. Mr. Simpson: The only thing I can think of... is maybe she got involved with the wrong guy. I mean, I love Claudia, but she had terrible judgment when it came to men. Woody: Was she seeing someone new? Mr. Simpson: We didn't, uh, talk about her love life because she knew I didn't approve. Woody: Thank you very much, Mr. Simpson. I'm so sorry for your loss. ME's Office* Lily: (Gasps) Detective. Seely: Somebody's a little jumpy. Lily: Yeah, well, it's been a rough day. Seely: So I heard. You okay? Lily: If I don't find some aspirin soon, my head is gonna explode. Oh! Seely: Ah, we wouldn't want that. Lily: What are you-- Seely: Acupressure. It works like a charm. Close your eyes. Lily: (Sighs) Are you here about the sh*ting? Seely: High-profile homicide right under my nose, and they got me transferring evidence from some lame arson case. How's that feel? Lily: You've got a nice touch. Seely: Well, if you're free later tonight, I can promise more where this came from. Lily: You know, Detective, every time I think there's something going on under that jerky veneer of yours, you go and do something totally insensitive. Seely: That was insensitive? Bug: Dr. Macy. I've got good news, bad news. And really bad news. Garret: Okay, ht me with the good. Bug: Well, we ID’d our John Doe. His name is David Royter. Age 35, lived in Malden. Garret: What's the bad news? Bug: He was a registered sex offender. Garret: What was he convicted of? Bug: asault a 10-year-old girl. Which leads me to the really bad news. When I took Royter's prints, I found a greasy substance on his hands. Had a fruity smell. Garret: Like strawberries. Jordan: This girl wasn't just suffocated, she was rped. Garret: Think our John Doe here was the culprit. She wasn't his first victim, either. Jordan: Bastard's lucky he's already dad. Garret: Okay, let's try to make sense of this. David Royter here rapes and kills this little girl. Our mystery sht kills Royter, then comes to the morgue and kills Claudia Simpson--why? Jordan: Maybe he knew what Royter had done to the girl. Maybe that's why he klled him. Garret: Okay, but where does Claudia Simpson fit in? Jordan: I don't know. Woody said the she had bad taste in men. Maybe Royter and she were a couple? Garret: So our sh*t thought she was involved in the girl's death? Jordan: Maybe... Look, think about it, Garret. What kind of person becomes so enraged by a child's mrder that they become the mrder themselves? Garret: I don't know. Someone close to the child. A family member. Jordan: Father? We figure out who you are... bet we find our sht. Woody: (on cell phone) She is approximately 12 years old, four-foot-six, 70 pounds. Garret: (on cell phone) Blond hair, green eyes. Jordan: (on cell phone) No, thanks. I appreciate it. (Hangs up) Struck out in Essex. Bug: And it's not the girl from Cape Cod. Jordan: Why the hell isn't there one unified missing children's database? Nigel: You're preaching to the choir, love. It's like living in the Stone Age. Lily: The bigger question is why are there so many missing kids? Garret: Okay, thanks. (Hangs up) We may have to broaden our search outside the state. Woody: If you could e-mail it to me. Thank you. (Hangs up) Bug, Quincy PD is gonna be sending you a photo. Girl disappeared 18 months ago. Dad supposedly is a real hot head. Went ballistic when his daughter disappeared. Bug: Bingo. Sally Yates. Lived at 452 Morningview Terrace. Parents are Carl and Debby. Jordan: Can you pull up the dad's photo on the RMV database? Woody: Try Boston PD. Bug: No, nothing. Woody: I can't sit on this. Keep looking. I'm gonna go see what Carl Yates has to say for himself. Garret: Woody, wait--if we're wrong and he's not the sht, his daughter's still been mrder. I should go with you and make the notification. Jordan: You know what, Garret? Let me. If he is the sht, I wanna give him my regards. Yates House** (Woody enters the backyard with his gn up and backup with him.) Woody: (Wood chopping) Boston PD! Put down the axe! Put down the axe now! Carl Yates? Carl: Yeah! Woody: Get on your knees! Hands behind your head! Now turn around oh so slowly. Jordan: Woody... it's not him. Carl: A gn to my head in my own backyard? Like we haven't been through enough? Woody: Yes, Mr. Yates. We're very sorry about that. But the man we're looking for is armed and dangerous. And we could not take any chances. Debby: And the monster who did this to Sally, you say he's dad? Woody: Yes. Debby: Well, that's something. Carl: Where'd you find her? Woody: Near an on-ramp off the highway, just outside of downtown. Carl: She was buried? Woody: No, sir. She had been dumped there. Carl: You kidding me? Our little girl was lying there for 18 months, and nobody noticed? Jordan: Mr. Yates, Mrs. Yates... from what I could tell, your daughter died yesterday. Debby: Yesterday? No. No, that's not possible. Carl... Carl: Our Sally's been dad for a year-and-a-half. Since, um, a month after she was abducted. Woody: What made you think that your daughter was dad? Carl: About a month after she was, uh, missing... we got this in the mail. (It is a picture of their daughter with blood all over and around her.) We gave it to the police. They couldn't trace where it came from. It said, uh, there was nothing more we could do. Jordan: Look, I examined your daughter's body. There were no gn wounds, no scars. Woody: I'm so sorry to tell you folks this, but we believe this photo was staged. Carl: I... don't understand. Jordan: It looks like... someone wanted you to believe that your daughter was dad, so you'd stop looking for her. Debby: Our Sally's been alive all this time? (Crying) ME's Office* Jordan: Jesus, what is this? Nigel: It's the number of that PI I mentioned. If you're nice, I might be able to score you a discount. Nice to me, not him. Jordan: Max'll come home when he's good and ready. Nigel: And what if you're ready for him to come home? Jordan: I guess that's my problem. Nigel: You know, Jordan, I spent most of my life hating my father, but now that we're on speaking terms again, I would give anything to get those last years back. So look... in case you change your mind. Besides, Sherlock could really use the work. Jordan: Sherlock? Garret: Jordan, any surprises with the Sally Yates autopsy? Jordan: Well, confirmed cause of death was suffocation. Happened in the last 24 hours. Garret: Hmm. Well, here's a surprise. Sally's rpe kit results. There's physical evidence of at least five sexual partners. Jordan: Oh, my god. Garret: Yeah, I know. Look, Jordan, we need to focus here. The morgue sht could be one of these pedophiles. Jordan: And I was giving him points just for taking out one of the bad guys. Garret: He's a mrder, so no matter what, that makes him a bad guy too. Lily: Have these been cleared? (Lily is having flashbacks of the sh*ting as she walks through the morgue) Mr. Simpson: Uh, excuse me. Lily: Uh, I'm sorry, the morgue is closed to the public today. Mr. Simpson: Well, my sister is Claudia Simpson. She's the one who-- Lily: Oh, my god. I'm Lily Lebowski. I--cannot tell you how very, very sorry I am. I was actually the last person to speak to your sister before she-- Mr. Simpson: I'm here to pick up her personal effects. Lily: Of course. I'm-- oh, I'm sorry. The police need to keep her things while they do their investigation. Mr. Simpson: I understand. It's just, I, uh, I can't find my keys to Claudia's house. And I just wanted to... (Sighs) uh, to go get her things in order. Lily: Let me see what I can do. Seely: How can this be evidence? I can't even tell what it is. What are you doing? Lily: The brother of the woman who was sht, he needs her keys. Seely: Lily... that's an open mrder investigation. Anything found on the victim is evidence. Lily: Well, can't you authorize it? Seely: Sorry. Ain't gonna happen. And it's not because I'm insensitive. It's because it's against regulations. I just got the spotlight off my ass. Lily: Well, last time I checked, Detective, the world didn't revolve around your ass. Nigel: So, remember how you asked me to look at the surveillance footage, see if I could identify the sht's car? Woody: I'm years ahead of you. Security already showed me the video. I ran the plates. They're stolen. Nigel: Yeah, well, I'm light years ahead of you. See, I happened to notice the sht made a left turn at the garage at 7:12 AM. Then again at 7:13 at the corner of Southampton and Massachusetts. And then at 7:17. 7:21. 7:22. And, finally, 7:24. He parks outside of the... Bayside motel. (Nigel pulls up surveillance photos of the car as he reads the times.) Bayside Motel* Clerk: What'd he do? Woody: So far, he's mrder two people. Clerk: (Laughs) Cool. Woody: No, not cool. Do you recognize him or not? Clerk: That's Frank D. Nigel: What, Dee, like Sandra? Clerk: "D," like the letter. You know, "D," period? Nigel: Oh, what, like Kenny G.? Woody: What room is he in? Clerk: He was in 207. But he checked out this morning. Woody: Damn it. He pay with a credit card? Clerk: Who said we take credit cards? Nigel: Well, has the maid cleaned the room yet? Clerk: Who said we have maids? Woody: All right, we're gonna need to see that room, now. (Cell phone rings) Excuse me. This is Hoyt. Yeah. Yeah, I got it. There's been another shting at the Viceroy Hotel. Guy fleeing the scene fits the description of our sht. Nigel: All right, I'm gonna stay here, check out the room to see if he's left behind anything incriminating, okay? Viceroy Hotel* Woody: Jordan. Our intended victim, Samuel Page, vice president of Taft Federal. Jordan: If he's not a victim, what am I doing here? Woody: For the innocent bystander. At least five people saw our sht in the lobby, Jordan. It's our guy. Jordan: Wonder what she did to deserve this. Woody: It's called wrong place, wrong time. Seems that Page was having a little afternoon delight when the sht made his way in. Jordan: Coitus interruptus. Wonder where his partner is. Woody: Well, she either fled or was already gone by the time the sh*t arrived. Jordan: Woody... Woody: Not without her clothes. Jordan: You can come out now. It's safe. Woody: I'm Detective Woody Hoyt, Boston PD. Hey. There's nothing to be afraid of. I just wanna help. Jordan: Woody. Let me. Woody: She's just a kid. Jordan: Hi. My name is Jordan. What's yours? Look, I really am here to help. Flora: (Spanish accent) Flora. Jordan: Flora? Que nombre bonito. Tell me, Flora, are you hurt? Woody: I'll be, uh... Jordan: uh, look, I just want to make sure that the man with the gn didn't hurt you, okay? Flora: He wasn't like the others? Jordan: The others? Flora: The men they made me have sex with? Jordan: Who makes you? Flora: I can't tell. Jordan: Why not? Flora: They'll kll me. Jordan: Flora, that guy waiting outside, he's a police officer. He'll protect you. Flora: No, the policia, they're just like the others. Jordan: No, not this guy. I promise you. Please, Flora. You gotta tell me. It's the only way I can help you. Flora: I don't know her name. We call her Mother. Jordan: We? Are there other girls? Flora: There's nine of us. Mother keeps us locked in the basement till it's time to go to work. Did you mean it? Will you help me? Jordan: Yes, Flora. You can count on it. Woody: Child prosttute? Jordan: No, sex slaves, Woody. Held against their will, forced to do God knows what. Woody: These are the days I hate my job. Does she know where this basement is? Jordan: No clue. There's no windows. And when they go out, "Mother" makes them ride in the back of a cargo van. Woody: We will find this basement, Jordan, we will. But first, I've got to talk to Flora about the shting. Jordan: No, Woody, she's been through enough already. And, remember, she's the victim here. Woody: We still have a sht out there, remember? Probably scoping out his next victim as we speak. Jordan: As far as I'm concerned, he's doing the world a favor. Let him take out as many perverts as he can. Medic: We didn't find any injuries, but she should get a full checkup as soon as possible. rpe kit, testing for HIV, STD’s. Jordan: Okay, thanks. Hey. How you feeling? Woody: Flora... can you do something for me? Flora: Do I have to take my clothes off? Jordan: No, uh... Flora, Woody's not like those other men. I swear to you, he doesn't want to hurt you. He just wants to find that man with the gn. Now, if there's anything you can remember about what he said or did. Flora: I heard him say, "This is for my daughter... Leann." *ME's Office* Woody: Leann Dawber, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. 16 years old, went missing two months ago. Flora confirmed she is one of the girls being held cptive. Garret: What about her father? Woody: Frank Dawber, age 46, divorced. He's a welder at a railroad car factory. Guy is squeaky clean. Belongs to the royal order of moose. Goes to church every Sunday. That's why he didn't pop up in our system. Garret: Jordan ID’d him? Woody: Yeah, it's our guy. I had Pittsburgh PD pay him a visit, and no one's seen him for three days. Garret: If you think your daughter's alive, you don't kll the people who could tell you where she is. Woody: But if someone sends you a grisly photo showing that she's dad-- Garret: Then you turn into a vigilante father looking for blood. I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. Woody: Well, our lucky-to-be-alive hotel victim should be getting out of surgery soon. If he can tell us how Frank Dawber found him, maybe we can find Frank Dawber. Jordan: Hey. Lily: Flora and I both have flowery names. That's cool, huh? Jordan: Very cool. I guess I'm the odd girl out. Look, I need to take a couple samples from you. Uh, a hair strand and a mouth swab. Is that okay with you, Flora? Flora: Okay. Jordan: This will not hurt a bit. Okay, just open your mouth. Have you been sick recently? Flora: My food don't always stay down. Jordan: Um... cutaneous ulcers in the mouth. Have Bug run that for parasites. Flora: Daisy. Jordan: What's that? Flora: That could be your flower name. Jordan: Daisy. Daisy Cavanaugh. Well, I like it. Thank you. (Jordan pulls a pine needle from Flora's shoe.) Hey, Flora, uh, do you know what pine needles smell like with Christmas trees? (She nods.) Okay, do you ever smell that from the basement? Oh, boy, you have such beautiful hair. Do you ever braid it? Flora: The other girls sometimes do it for me, like my mama used to. Lily: Flora... I'm still trying to find your family in Mexico. I checked with the authorities in Juarez. They think your parents went to South Fork? Flora: They don't want me anymore. Lily: I'm sure that's not true. Flora: They sold me for $500. Jordan: Lily, why don't you take Flora to the break room, get her something to eat before the sketch artist comes. Flora: Are you mad at me? Jordan: No. No, Flora. Look, I could never be mad at you. Okay? You have done nothing wrong. Do you hear me? I'm just, uh... very mad at the people who hurt you. And I want to keep them from hurting anybody else. Flora: Me, too. Jordan: Okay. Nigel: The ulcers in Flora's mouth are caused by cryptosporidiosis. It's like gastrointestinal disease, more commonly known as crypto. Garret: Transmitted by microscopic parasites found in water. Yeah, I actually went to medical school. Bug: About a year ago, the DWP discovered crypto in parts of the city sewage system. These are the 18 areas that still need to get their pipes cleaned. Garret: 18? Might as well be 1,800. Nigel: But wait-- there's more, uh... Nigel's tree-huggers guide to New England. Made from recycled paper, naturally. The pine needle that was found on Flora's shoe was-- was a Pinus banksiana. Jack pine. Bug: It's not indigenous to Boston, but it is heavily planted for community planning, beautification-- Nigel: And as you can see from my lovely Venn diagrams, that actually brings us down to seven neighborhoods. Garret: Still not good enough, guys. Chances are those girls are being rped again as we speak. I want that number down to one. *Hospital* Woody: Ah ha! Seems they put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Samuel Page, 45, bank vp making seven figures a year. (Whistles) Wife, two girls, 19 and 22. What happened, your daughters get too old for you? Excuse me. (Woody plops himself down on the side of the hospital bed.) Now, is this the man who sht you? (Woody shows the surveillance picture from the morgue shting.) Samuel: Yeah, you catch him? Woody: Not just yet. He's out there somewhere, reloading. Now, what about this guy--you know him? (Woody holds up a picture of Royter.) Samuel: No. Woody: Really? He's a fellow pervert. I would have thought you guys ran in the same circles. Last photo, Claudia Simpson. Do you know her? Samuel: No. Woody: Little fast, goat brain. Samuel: Why are you showing me these? Woody: The man who sht you sht and klled these people as well. Now, last chance. Claudia Simpson. (Samuel groans) Woody: What's the matter? What's the matter? Oh, I'm sorry. Is that your abdomen wound I'm leaning on? I thought it was a pillow. My bad. Claudia Simpson. Samuel: Nurse. Nurse! Woody: She's a nurse? I don't think so. This has gotta be hurting. This has gotta be hurting real bad. What's the problem-- you're a sadist, but not a masochist? Last chance, pervert. Samuel: She's who you call. She delivers the prosttute... to... Woody: So she's Mother. What about her brother, Paul Simpson. You know him? Samuel: No. Woody: You swear? Samuel: I swear. Woody: Swear! Samuel: I swear it! Woody: Newsflash, pervert. Forcing an underage girl to have sex does not make her a prosttute. It makes her a rpe victim. Which makes you a rpist. Pervert. You're a pervert rpist. Now, since our sht's still at large, I'm gonna leave a cop by the door. Not that I really care if you die or not. I don't. I just want you to be around for the perp walk. It is oh so humiliating for a pillar of the community such as yourself. Feel better. ME's Office* (Flora is sleeping on the couch of the break room) Lily: Jordan. The sketch artist drew up Flora's description of Mother. (Lily holds up the sketch.) Jordan: Claudia Simpson. Lily: Makes me sick to my stomach all over again. Jordan: Yeah but for different reasons. Seely: Hey, excuse me, ladies. I understand someone's been looking for the Martinez parents. Lily: Yeah, I have. Seely: Well, look no further. They're down in Monterey. Turns out they've been looking for Flora for months. That's a description of their search, the missing persons report. They even put up a small reward. Whatever they could afford. Lily: So they didn't sell her? Seely: Nope. Big, fat lie. Jordan: Yeah, I wonder who told it. Lily: Oh, what a relief. Jordan: Lily, get her parents on the next plane out. Tickets are on me. Seely: Oh, you know what, I got it. Jordan: What is with the Mr. Do-gooder routine? Lily: Uhh... (Crying) Jordan: Flora... Flora, what's wrong? Flora: I had a dream. These kids were teasing me. They said I was dirty. Jordan: What kids? Flora: The ones we hear outside. Jordan: You hear them from the basement? (She nods.) A lot of them? (She nods again.) Okay, Does it sound like, uh, school or a park? Flora: A school. (Lily is listening and leaves the room) They said I was dirty. Jordan: No. Oh, sweetheart. No, you're not. No, you are not. Nigel: Okay, we overlap the DWP map and jack pine foliage with all outdoor school playgrounds. Then, taking into account the auditory range of kids at play, we can eliminate most houses outside of, let's say a... quarter mile radius. Lily: Which leaves two neighborhoods. Still a 50/50 split. Bug: I think I might have the tiebreaker. Flora's hair shows high traces of lead tin oxide. Lily: Isn't that the lead in old paint? Bug: Specifically, paint made before 1955. So that narrows the search down to houses built at or before that time period. Nigel: Okay, I'm gonna access the county assessor's office. Bug: You can do that? (Beeping) Lily: Southeast corner of Somerville. I'll tell Jordan. You guys rock. Bug: Yeah. *Simpson Travel Agency* Woody: (Knock on door) Mr. Simpson? Mr. Simpson? Dawber: (gn cocks to the back of Woody's head.) Get out of here. I got no beef with you. Woody: I got a beef with you, Mr. Dawber. All right? I'm Detective Woody Hoyt, Boston Police Department. Dawber: I don't care who you are! That son of a bitch Simpson's gonna pay! Woody: Okay... but there's a right way to go about this. And a wrong way. (Mr. Simpson enters the room.) Dawber: You klled my daughter! You see that? (A gn goes off into the air as Woody wrestles for the gn. As soon as Simpson sees what's going on he turns and flees.) Woody: Drop the gn! Drop the gn! Dawber: He's getting away! Woody: Shut up! (Woody has gained control of Dawber and handcuffs him to a file cabinet.) Dawber: He's getting away! Woody: Lie still and shut up! Dawber: He's getting away! Woody: Stay! Dawber: Get him! Uhh! Get him! Woody: (to Simpson as they're running down an alley.) You better freeze! You better freeze! Police! Stop, Simpson! You're only making things worse! (A large van is heading straight for Woody. Woody fires one sht at it before jumping out of the way. The van speeds off.) (Woody is leading Dawber, handcuffed, to the police car outside the travel agency.) Dawber: Leann called me ten days ago. Hysterical. She said she and these other girls were being forced to have sex. Then the line went dad. Imagine hearing your only child, your sweet little girl telling you such a thing. Woody: You trace the call back to Boston? Dawber: To some crummy Southside Motel. Someone had to pay. So I pretended to be a John... with a thing for little girls. That's how I met that sicko Royter. Woody: You took justice into your own hands. Dawber: He got what he deserved. So did Page. I wasn't gonna let those sick bastards hurt anyone else? Woody: What about Claudia Simpson? Dawber: I knew she was the madam. But I couldn't get to her. Then I found her number in Royter's wallet. Made a bogus call to get her down to the morgue. Then I heard her last name. Dug deeper. Found out that her brother's the real mastermind. Woody: Mr. Dawber... Dawber: (Cries) He did that to my girl! (He holds up a photo of his daughter lying in a pool of blood.) Woody: Mr. Dawber, when you take a photo of a dad person, they can't get red-eyed. It has something to do with the corneas clouding over. Your daughter has red-eye in this photo. She was alive when it was taken. I spoke to a girl who said, as of yesterday, your daughter is alive. Dawber: What? Woody: Your daughter is alive. Dawber: She's alive? Oh, god. (Sobbing) Southeast Corner of Somerville* (Nigel and Jordan are walking around trying to find the house where the girls are being held.) Nigel: Okay, so the elementary school is a half a block that way. Jordan: Flags waving, white picket fences. But you never know what's going on behind the curtains. Nigel: Hmm. Didn't Flora say something about a cargo van? (There's one in a driveway) Jordan: Yeah. (She starts running to the house.) Nigel: Wait, Jordan. Shouldn't we-- (Jordan knocks on door) Call for backup? What are those? Jordan: Claudia Simpson's keys. Or should I say, uh, Mother's? (Jordan gets the door open.) Ah. Sometimes god is on our side. Nigel: Oh, bloody hell. (The house is completely empty of any furniture.) Jordan: (Cell phone ringing) Hey, Woody, we found the house. Woody: You did? Where?! Jordan: It's in Somerville. Uh, 1453 Griffith Drive. Woody: All right, Jordan. I'm calling for backup. Do not, I repeat, do not go inside. Jordan: I wouldn't dream of it. Woody: Damn it, Jordan! Jordan: Uh, we'll see you when you get here. Woody: (to Dawber) We found the house. Nigel: Now we wait for backup. Jordan: We're looking for a basement door. (She passes by a rack of girls clothes hanging up. She finds the basement door.) Hello? Anybody here? Look, it's okay. I'm here to help. Girl: Are you our new mother? Jordan: No. No, I'm getting you out of here-- (Nigel comes falling down the basement stairs) Nigel! Nigel! Nigel: Yeah, that hurt. (Mr. Simpson comes appears at the top of the stairs.) Mr. Simpson: You're gonna pay for that. (He holds up a gn.) Jordan: The cops are right behind us, so if I were you-- Mr. Simpson: You're not me! (Descending stairs) How about... when they get here, they find your body first. (referring to Jordan. A girl comes up behind Simpson and sab him in the back with a jackknife.) Aah! Aah! Jordan: (She was able to get the gn away and is now aiming it at Simpson) Nigel, get the girls upstairs. Nigel: Come on. Everybody up. Mr. Simpson: (Grunting and sreaming) Look, you bitch— Jordan: No, you look! No witnesses. I pull this trigger, and I will get off in self-defense, while you, you low-life piece of garbage, will take your reserve seat in hell. Mr. Simpson: I wouldn't do that if I were you. Jordan: Oh, yeah? Well, you're not me. (gn cocks) Woody: Where's Jordan? Nigel: She's downstairs. (gn sht) Hey, guys, come on. Woody: Jordan. Jordan: I thought I saw a rat. Woody: Come here. Come here, dirt bag. (Woody cuffs Simpson and as he's being led away, Jordan pulls the Knfe out from his back.) Mr. Simpson: Agh! Jordan: My Knfe. Woody: (to a cop as he puts Simpson in the squad car.) Booking, pronto. Dawber: (still in cuffs in a squad car) Leann! Leann! Leann: Daddy! Dawber: Leann! Leann: Daddy! Daddy! Dawber: Leann! Leann: Daddy! Daddy! (Woody unlocks the car and Dawber gets out) Dawber: Leann! Leann: Daddy! Dawber: Leann. Leann! (Both sobbing) Jordan: Uncuff him, Woody. Woody: Jordan. Jordan: Come on, look around. There's at least a dozen cops here. He's not going anywhere. Dawber: Baby, it's okay. It's okay. Oh, it's okay. Daddy's here. (Both sobbing) You're okay. It's okay now. *ME's Office* Jordan: Paul Simpson and his sister used a travel agency as a front to kidnap and transport girls. He had stash houses in New York, Baltimore, Atlanta-- Garret: Unfortunately, it's about supply and demand. If there weren't so many sick bastards out there in the market for this sort of thing. Jordan: Well, the good news is Woody found Simpson's little black book. It's a regular who's who of vice. It should help keep him in prison for a very long time. Garret: What about the girls? Jordan: They're being checked out right now. Family's contacted. Garret: It's gonna be a long road for most of them. Jordan: Yeah, that's an understatement. Oh, hey! Where's Flora? Lily: In the locker-room. I bought her some new clothes. Her parents are due in a half an hour. I should really go. Jordan: Well, I'll get her. Lily: Ohh. Seely: Hey. So do I get two points for finding the girl's parents? Lily: Yes, two points for you, Detective. Seely: How about another two for not giving you those personal effects? Lily: How about another two if you drive Flora and me to the airport? Seely: Wow. Six points? Does that earn me a date? Lily: After the last 24 hours, I could use a cup of coffee. Maybe someone to talk to. Seely: Mmm... I'll buy you the cup of coffee. Lily: Oh, my god. Jordan: Boy, you look beautiful. Flora: Blue is my mama's favorite color. Jordan: You ready to go? Flora: What do I tell them? Jordan: Just tell them that you love them. That's all that really matters, really. (Flora gives Jordan a hug.) Flora: Bye. Jordan: Bye. Jordan: (on the phone) Hello. Hi, my name is Jordan Cavanaugh. I'm hoping that maybe you can help me find my father.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x11 - m*rder in the Rue Morgue"}	foreverdreaming
*Leighton Academy Riding Grounds* Woody: Fellas...just when you thought you'd seen it all. Nigel: We've heard that one before. Woody: She was found her foot caught in the stirrup and the stirrup tangled around her leg. Poor horse practically strangling himself trying to get free of her. Garret: Any idea how long? Woody: Apparently the horse has been missing from the sab for two days. Garret: I mean the girl, not the horse. Woody: Wasn't the girl they came looking after. It was the horse they reported missing. He belongs to someplace called the Leighton Academy. Nigel: Uh-huh. Private school for girls. For the wealthy, not the rich. Woody: What's the difference? Nigel: Rich people make lots of money. Wealthy people sign their checks. Garret: It's Tammi Eldridge. Nigel: That's a whole 'nother league. Garret: No, I'm saying it's her. It's Tammi Eldridge. Woody: Of the Whittaker trust Eldridge family? Nigel: Favorite celebutante of the tabloids? Garret: Yeah, that Tammi Eldridge. Woody: This is not good. This is not good. In fact, it's bad, because we're talking about rich and powerful people. And when we're talking about rich and powerful people, we're talking press. And I, um, I--I-- I sometimes stammer in front of the press. Unless you want to make the notification yourself. I mean, come on, it's obviously an accident. Right, Doc? It was just an accident? {Crossing Jordan Intro} Dean: You have to understand, we've never had an incident like this at Leighton before. Woody: Dr. Macy, this is the dean of the school. Dean: William Hargrave. God, this is awful. How could this have happened? Garret: Mr. Hargrave, would you care to tell me how one of your students could go missing for two days without your reporting it? Dean: Oh, Tammi wasn't missing. She'd been sent home days ago, suspended. There was nothing to report. Woody: Suspended for what? Dean: An accumulation of things. Tammi could be rather difficult. Woody: All right, well, we're gonna need a contact number for the parents. Dean: You mean, I don't have to tell them? Garret: No, sir. That would be my job. Morgue* Sidney: Hey, you okay? Jordan: Yeah. Sidney. Sidney: Is that your motorcycle victim? Jordan: Yeah. Sidney: He looks pretty good. Jordan: Yeah, I know. Not a scratch on him. 20 years old, wearing his helmet. It makes absolutely no sense. You know, is Lily in yet? Sidney: Yeah, she's up front. Come on. Jordan: He must have just fallen wrong, maybe cracked a rib, punctured a lung. You see, that's why I like four wheels under me. Sidney: Yeah. I'll catch you later. Jordan: Okay. Well, turn around, girl. Your services are about to be called upon elsewhere. Lily: Why, what's up? Jordan: DOA's brother. He should be with a detective. Look, he wanted to ride back with the body from the scene, but I, you know-- Lily: Oh, motorcycle crash. Jordan: Brother lost control, DOA was in back. They both fell off their bike. Only one of them got back up again. Lily: Ohh. Jordan: Poor guy is a mess. His name is Reggie. I need to get his brother's body into autopsy ASAP. If you don't mind-- Lily: Sure, I'll-- Jordan: Thanks. Good luck. Santana: Calm down, Mr. Duplaix. Reggie: They'd have just brought him in. His name is Troy Duplaix. Lily: Uh, you must be Reggie. I'm Lily. I'm a grief counselor. Reggie: Oh, my god. This is really happening. Lily: Is your arm okay? Santana: He refused treatment at the scene. Detective Santana. I'm not having any luck getting a statement out of him, either. Reggie: I told you, it was an accident! Santana: I just need a few more details from you, sir. Lily: Listen, why don't we take a seat inside? Can I get you some coffee? Santana: Definitely. Reggie: I was just trying to get him to the emergency room. He'd been throwing up most of the night. Santana: Any idea how fast you were going? Reggie: 30, 35, maybe. Santana: Fast enough for those narrow roads? Reggie: I was just trying to-- oh, god, what did I do? Lily: Reggie, it is so understandable— Reggie: Can I see him now? Please? Santana: You know what? He's all yours. Sorry for your loss, Mr. Duplaix. (She gets up and leaves the room) Lily: One second. Are you? Sorry? Santana: You questioning my sincerity? Lily: If not your bedside manner. Santana: Holding his hand is your job. But...point taken. I'm new to homicide. These desks and public places aren't exactly the cases I've been lusting after. Lily: Well, hope you find yourself a nice mrder then. Santana: Me, too. Thanks. Crypt: Troy Duplaix* Lily: He was all he had. No parents. No other siblings. Reggie lost his job a couple of months ago. Troy moved in to help him out. Jordan: I want to get his body into autopsy. Find how that fall could have klled him. I'd like to talk to him for a few minutes, if you don't mind. Lily: Okay. Jordan: Thanks. (Reggie stumbles as he's leaving the crypt. Jordan catches him.) Jordan: Ooh, you all right? Reggie: Sorry. Jordan: Oh, no, it's okay. Reggie: I'm okay. I'm okay. I didn't mean to. Jordan: It was an accident. Reggie: We always took care of each other. My mom was sick all those years. And it was just the two of us. I'd have done anything for him. You know how that is. He was my brother. Jordan: I know. I know what you're going through, how difficult this must be. Reggie: How? You have a brother or sister? Jordan: No. Reggie: Then you don't know what it's like to lose someone that close. To be alone in the world. Jordan: Well, even if I did, I'm not sure that would help you any. Reggie: I should go now. Jordan: I'm sorry, Reggie. Eldridge Residence* Mrs. Eldridge: My baby. My sweet, sweet baby. (She reaches for a glass of wine) Mr. Eldridge: Not on top of the Xanax, dear. Gavin: I'll take it. Mr. Eldridge: Look, I want a full investigation on this. If that damn school is in any way liable-- Garret: The dean said she'd been sent home, that you'd been notified of her suspension. Mr. Eldridge: Well, that man is useless. And a liar. I--I never heard from him. Mrs. Eldridge: I did. There was no need to involve you. It was nothing you wanted to hear, and certainly nothing new. Garret: All due respect, Mrs. Eldridge, didn't you wonder where your daughter was? Gavin: She needed GPS. Mr. Eldridge: Shut up, Gavin. Mrs. Eldridge: He's right. You know, Tammi, so damn... independent. I assumed that she was at our place in New York or on the Vineyard. Mr. Eldridge: Anywhere but here. Mrs. Eldridge: Can you blame her? The way you ride the girl! (Sobbing) Mr. Eldridge: Aw, sweetheart. Garret: Once we've determined the official cause of death, our office will contact you. Gavin: She fell off a horse! Isn't that cause enough? Garret: We just want to be thorough. Mr. Eldridge: Please, I-- I insist on it. *Leighton Academy* Woody: (Laughs) I thought I was lucky when I got a hot plate in my dorm. Dean: Well, this is average by Leighton's standards. Difference being that here, these amenities are not a birthright, but a privilege to be earned. Woody: How does that go over? Dean: Let's just say that our rules are a first for many of our girls. Woody: Like for Tammi? Dean: You know her reputation. When the world was your oyster at 18, who can tell you anything? The saddest part is she was so bright. Woody: But she had discipline problems. Dean: The latest was her "borrowing" of a school video camera. She had apparently broken one of her own. Felt obliged to help herself to one of ours without telling anybody. Woody: Stealing? Dean: "Unauthorized use of school property" is how our parents prefer to hear it. Woody: (Chuckles) And what kind of movies was she making--home movies? Dean: Knowing Tammi, she was headed for Sundance. (Beeper) Damn, it's the public relations office. Word's probably spreading. Woody: I can lock up when I leave. Dean: Thank you. (The dorm room is full of pictures of Tammi. Three girls come to the door.) Luca: It's true, huh? About Tammi? Woody: Afraid so. Girl (off camera): Hey, Britney, Sarah, you got a minute? Luca: Now it'll be all over campus. Stuff like this doesn't happen here. Not ever. Woody: Were you a friend of Tammi's, Miss... Luca: I'm Luca. No, not really. I mean, same dorm, same floor, you know? She was nice. Not like people think. Or like the Dean says. He just has issues. Thinks we're all spoiled. Woody: Do you know anything about this camera that Tammi took? Luca: Well, if she did, I'm sure she was gonna bring it back. I mean, it's not like she was a klepto or anything. Woody: What about the movie she was making? Luca: I don't know. I mean... she was taping a bunch of us one night, just goofing around. I'm not really sure what she was going for, but... she was cool. Kind of like the girl we all wanted to be, you know? Out of the box, and not afraid of anything. Woody: Okay, Luca. It's okay. *ME's Office* Nigel: Well, you'll be impressed to know that I set a personal record for most debris catalogued off a single body. Garret: Don't miss a splinter. The parents want a full report. Nigel: What were they like? Garret: Like people who just lost a child. Money doesn't make that any easier. Nigel: Well, I imagine not everyone's gonna be devastated. You know, the family has quite a few enemies. I--I see you don't read the gossip columns. Garret: Can I help you? Pelone: You must be Dr. Macy. Garret: I must be. Which would make you... Nigel: Dr. Mara Pelone. Uh, sorry, I'm just-- I'm a fan. Pelone: (Chuckles) I was just, uh... they said that you might be here. Garret: Mm-hmm. Pelone: The Eldridge family has hired me to perform an independent autopsy on their daughter. Garret: Of course they have. Pelone: Nothing personal. It's just that they would— Garret: It's all right. No preamble necessary. They're within their rights. As long as you understand-- Pelone: I know the drill-- all eyes and no hands until you give me the go-ahead. Nigel: Nigel Townsend at your service. May I just say that your book on the Lonergan case was a near revelation. It was gripping. Pelone: Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate that. Nigel: And your new cable show on the Cortland mrder was just great stuff. Garret: Nigel. Nigel: Yeah? Oh, so I'm gonna go and get the results off the spectrometer. Pelone: Okay. (Chuckles) I've been getting that reaction a lot lately. Garret: Yeah, I bet. Pelone: Do I detect a little hostility, Doctor? While I understand its source, I had hoped that we could rise above it, one professional to another. Garret: That's fine. Pelone: That subarachnoid hemorrhage. Hoofprint? Garret: More like two wounds overlapping. Pelone: Well, that makes sense, after being dragged around by a horse for two days. There's epidural hemorrhaging around the underlying wounds. Garret: Which would indicate she was alive when the blows were struck. Pelone: Blows? You mean from the horse? Garret: No, the primary wound is oblong, not like any shape I've ever seen on a horse. Pelone: You can't be thinking homicide? Garret: I wasn't before, but as you can see-- Pelone: Look how many wounds are on this body, Doctor. You're a long way from a definitive conclusion here. Garret: What's your hurry? Pelone: The Eldridge's are waiting for an answer. Garret: The answer's gonna come from this girl. Look, it's not my fault they're paying you by the hour. Pelone: I'll be back. Garret: And I'll be here. Autopsy One: Troy Duplaix* Jordan: Hey, Bug, come give me your two cents on this. Bug: Eyes look jaundiced. Liver's mottled and engorged. Severe hepatic necrosis. Is that what klled him? Jordan: No, it was a motorcycle crash. Bug: Really? Jordan: Yeah. Bug: Well, that might have finished him off, but this guy was knocking on death's door. Jordan: So what are we betting here? Lupus? Hepatocellular carcinoma? Bug: Obstructive cholestasis. Pancreatitis. Could be a laundry list of things. Sidney: Drumroll, please! We have a winner. Bug: Is it too late to guess malaria? Jordan: Oh, now you're just blurting out diseases. Sidney: Well, did anyone happen to blurt out Huntington's? Jordan: You're kidding. Sidney: Tox screen results indicate high levels of antibodies for Huntington's disease. Jordan: Isn't he a little too young to have Huntington's this far advanced? Bug: Whoa. Check this out. Sidney: What did he swallow, a disco ball? Jordan: Biochips. Here, pass that over. Sidney: Biochips? What's that? Bug: Tiny shards of crystal coated with DNA. Used to monitor drug absorption. Jordan: Drug companies use them in clinical trials. This poor guy was being used as a guinea pig. Bug: With his consent, presumably. Jordan: Somehow I doubt he consented to being klled. *Boston Police Precinct* Garret: It's not definite, Woody, but the shape of the wound and the ante-mortem bleeding make homicide a possibility. Woody: Jeez, that's what I'm talking about. If you're right, we're gonna have a circus on our hands. Garret: I know, it's gonna be a mess. Wait a second. Woody: Isn't that the front of your building? Let's check this out. Pelone: (on tv) ...I have been working with theMedical examiner's office. And it is my opinion that all indicators at this time point to Tamara's death as being the result of a freak and tragic accident. Woody: Who is she? Didn't you just tell me— Garret: Yeah. Woody: So she disagrees— Garret: No, the Eldridge’s hired her, and now I think I know why. Woody: Why? Pelone: And when we confirm our findings, we will let you know. Thank you. Garret: You want a circus? They want a cover-up. *ME's Office* Pelone: I know how it might have appeared, Doctor, but the media was asking questions, and I merely gave answers based on my judgment. Garret: It was a preemptive strike, wasn't it? Pelone: Preemptive of what? Garret: You tell me. You show up on the payroll, take one quick look at the body, and undercut my judgment on a national newscast. Woody: Excuse me, Doc, I— Pelone: Are you questioning my integrity? Garret: You mean, assuming you actually have some. You heard me speculate mrder. Pelone: Yes, and wouldn't you love the notoriety that would bring to your office. Garret: Don't try to turn this around. I wasn't the one jumping into the spotlight. Pelone: And that's what you're upset about. You pretend we're not part of the same hypocrisy, but a high-profile case like this could make your career. Garret: Wait a minute-- "make my career"? Lady, I'm the chief medical examiner for the city of Boston. My career is fairly well made. Maybe your mind goes right to personal advancement, but not mine. All I want here is the truth. Pelone: And I'm sure I'll see you on a nationwide newscast when you find it. Woody: (Laughs) Wow. Pelone: And don't ever call me "lady." Woody: Cover-up or not, that woman is awesome. Garret: What do you want, Woody? Woody: A couple things. First of all, I went back to the school and grabbed Tammi's laptop. Nigel's checking out the files right now. Garret: Looking for what? Woody: Apparently she was making some kind of video on her family. Teacher said she was editing it on her computer. Nigel. Yo, Nigel. Nigel! (Nigel has headphones on that are very loud) Nigel: Whoa! Woody: Any luck? Nigel: Ah, sorry to disappoint, chaps. But there will be no screening today. There were lots of mpeg files, but they've all been deleted. Garret: Can you retrieve them? Nigel: I'm working on it. But here's the curious thing. The files were deleted yesterday morning at 7:03. Woody: Yesterday after Tammi was already dad? Nigel: And shortly before the body was found. Woody: Okay, now I really want to see them. Garret: Stay on it. I gotta get back to the body. Santana: So you're saying he was, like, a lab rat? Bug: Well, we broke down the components of the mystery drug in Troy's system, and there's nothing like it on the market out there. Jordan: Meaning it's likely in the testing phase. We're flagging all drug companies that might be running trials for Huntington’s. Bug: Well, I'll see if the search has any hits yet. Lily: Reggie's here, Jordan. Jordan: Great. Santana: You called the brother back in? Why? Lily: He's still technically your jurisdiction. And you wanted a nice, juicy mrder. Santana: But I meant something involving a gn or a Knfe, not some drug testing, whatever this case is. Jordan: So, Reggie, have a seat. Santana: I see you got your arm taken care of? Reggie: Yeah. Jordan: Whoa, the hospital did that? Sloppy job. Reggie: That's what no insurance gets you. I wrapped it myself. Jordan: Oh, well-- Reggie: It's okay, you don't have to-- Jordan: Just relax. I won't bill you. There you go. Reggie: Thanks. Santana: Reggie, was your brother hard up for cash? Reggie: Not at all. He drove a truck. Good money, full bennies. Why you asking? Jordan: Well, there's a chance that the fall from your bike had nothing to do with your brother's death. Reggie: Really? What do you mean? Jordan: Did you know that Troy had Huntington's? Reggie: No. Jordan: Do you know what that is? Reggie: It's a chromosomal mutation. Inherited as an autosomal dominant condition. Jordan: Well, I'd say that you do. Reggie: It runs in my family. Our mom died of it. Which means that Troy and I had a 50% statistical chance of inheriting it. Once we did, the chances of surviving longer than 15 years with it are... Jordan: Was he taking anything for it? Any drugs? Reggie: There's no cure for Huntington’s. Jordan: We found something in his system we can't identify. Not available on the market. Bug: It's called Gabacor. Just came through. It's in the early testing phase with MRC Pharmaceuticals. Reggie: I can't imagine Troy taking a chance on something like that. Santana: The question is, would MRC Pharmaceuticals? MRC Pharmaceuticals* Man: I've checked our files, and apparently we are testing Gabacor as a nerve drug for Huntington's disease. Jordan: Ooh, are you testing it on people? Man: No, no, no, my understanding is that it's restricted to rats. Human tests are still several years away. Santana: Does the name Troy Duplaix mean anything to you? Man: No--should it? Jordan: I autopsied him yesterday. He was pumped so full of Gabacor his liver all but exploded on him. Man: That's not possible. Jordan: Well, I've got all the test results and his dad body to prove it. Man: Somehow you think he got it here? Santana: Well, where else would he get it? You're the only game in town testing this stuff. Man: MRC Pharmaceuticals has nothing to hide. Jordan: Great, so then you won't mind us checking into your database? Man: I didn't say that. Santana: Are you gonna make us get a warrant? Man: Look, as head of legal affairs, it's my job to deal with all crackpots making bogus claims. Everybody's trying to make a buck. Jordan: Oh, so that's what you think this is here then? That we're a couple of crackpots. Man: I didn't say that, either. Santana: Well, you're not saying a whole lot, are you? Man: Look— Jordan: No, you look. You can run all the interference you want. But if we find out you're lying, there won't be a settlement big enough to keep you in business. Man: Have a nice day. Jordan: That's your answer? "Have a nice day"? Man: Be sure and have your parking validated on the way out. Jordan: Yeah, you know what? Hey, validate this! (She flips him off) Santana: Jeez, did you... Jordan: What? Santana: Woody's right. You're okay. Autopsy Two: Tammi Eldridge* Garret: Second vertebrae fracture... would explain the subarachnoid hemorrhage. Vertebral tear appears as a result of a single blow to her neck. Confirming cause of death. Woody: Talking to yourself again, Doc? Garret: Tragic accident. How could she be so irresponsible? Woody: That doctor's really gotten to you. Garret: What do you make of this? Woody: Why don't you describe it to me? Garret: It's a piece of wood. Woody: So? We found her body in the woods. Garret: This is nothing off a tree or a branch. It's compressed and treated. She was ht with something made of this material. Woody: Then you were right. It is mrder. Garret: And you wonder why that woman really got to me? Nigel: Gentlemen! It's show time! ~Videotape~ Guy: This is so you. Your old man's gonna freak. Nigel: Looks to be one of those cutting-edge exposes on the trials of growing up insanely wealthy. 'Cause, you know, it's not all trust funds and magnums of crystal. I've just been able to put together some pieces. But I think you'll find it quite interesting. ~Videotape~ Guy2: A movie about money? Our money? How boring can you get? Woody: Kid's got a point. Garret: Let's make a copy for the dean. See if we can put some names to the faces. Nigel: You've got it. ~Videotape~ Luca: God, why didn't I think of this? Woody: That's Luca. Lives across the hall from Tammi. ~Videotape~ Luca: I swear, Tammi, you're gonna win, like, an Oscar or something. Nigel: Quite the little suck-up too. ~Videotape~ Tammi: Hey, everybody, I'm Tammi. But you already know that. And this is my film. For those of you out there-- and you know you're out there-- who have always wondered what it's like to have everything you've ever wanted. And yet somehow, as you'll find out, it's not enough. Okay, Gavin, get in here! Sit down. Garret: That's the brother. ~Videotape~ Tammi: First question. Gavin: Yeah. Tammi: What is the biggest upside to being rich as sin? Gavin: Oh, that's easy. Scoring babes. Tammi: Yeah, that's way too easy. Come on, what is the biggest downside of being rich? Gavin: Having total losers for parents. Tammi: Okay, that's what I want. I want the truth. Gavin: Having a father who's done nothing with his life except inherit a big pile of money, rip off his partners, cheat on his taxes. A mom who is so afraid of getting old that she makes a fool of herself hitting on my friends. And we're supposed to follow in their footsteps. It sucks. Tammi: Gavin, you have something in your mouth. You ever tell Dad how you feel? Gavin: Whoa, whoa, hey, wait, Tammi. You're not actually going to show him this, are you? Tammi: Well, he'll just have to buy a ticket like everybody else. Gavin: No, no, no, wait. Just erase the last little bit. Tammi: But that is the point. To show that we are as screwed up, if not more so, as kids with no money. Gavin: Yeah, and if Dad sees this, I'm gonna find out what it is to have no money. Give me the tape. Tammi: No way. Gavin: Tammi, give me the tape. Tammi: No way. Gavin: Give me the tape! Tammi: No way! No! Wait, no! (Gavin smashes the camera with a baseball bat) Woody: Well, now we know why Tammi stole the school's camera. Nigel: I think we finally have a suspect. Garret: You heard what he said about his father. I think we have two. *Eldridge Residence* Garret: We're gonna need hair and blood samples from both you and your dad. Woody: And your whereabouts the day that Tammi died. Mrs. Eldridge: How can you do this? My little girl is dad! Aren't we suffering enough? Mr. Eldridge: Our attorney is on his way. Gavin: There's no way I could do what you're saying. Woody: Nice rotation, though, when you cracked Tammi's camera with that bat. Gavin: You saw that? She pissed me off! That's not a crime! Woody: It may not be, but these were. Uh, two counts of aggravated asault, drunk and disorderly. Gavin: None of those ever stuck. Mrs. Eldridge: Those were college indiscretions, Detective! Mr. Eldridge: People in our position are always targets. Garret: So you get people like Dr. Pelone to make things right. Nothing like a pathologist with a high tv-q to call the dogs off. Gavin: What? Mr. Eldridge: Mara Pelone is an expert in her field. In you, I have no such confidence. Gavin: Wait, wait, wait--you guys hired that lady on the news? You don't think I did this, do you? Mrs. Eldridge: Of course not. Don't be ridiculous. Gavin: Look, I was in Palm Beach the past week playing golf! You can call them! Garret: Is that how you hurt your hand? Gavin: Yeah, look. Blister. You can tell. I got a bad swing. Mr. Eldridge: Will you shut up? Gavin: No, you shut up, Dad. I didn't do anything! Garret: The problem is your sister was klled by a sharp blow with a blunt wooden object, like a baseball bat. Woody: Talk about a bad swing. Gavin: No, no, no way, I could never hurt my sister. She's the only friend I had. Autopsy One: Troy Duplaix* Bug: (Drilling) Your affection for power tools is beginning to trouble me. Sidney: We got Troy's medical records. It seems he was no stranger to County General. Actually, his last visit was the day before he died. Bug: What, his brother didn't know? Jordan: Choreic spasms, distonia. Sounds right for Huntington’s. Sidney: Keep reading. They also did a liver panel. Results are in the normal levels. Jordan: How could that be? He died of liver failure the very next day. Bug: Are you sure these are his records? Sidney: Yeah, look-- they have his social, his address, his date of birth. Jordan: This is all getting a little too weird for me. The vessels are all clear. I don't understand. Sidney: Huntington's causes atrophy. No lobes are even dilated. Bug: But he had the disease-fighting proteins in his system. How did he get the antibodies in his blood? Sidney: If he doesn't even have Huntington’s... Jordan: Then why was he taking Gabacor? *Autopsy Two: Tammi Eldridge* Pelone: Such a waste. Garret: Let me guess. You're here to substantiate Gavin's alibi. Maybe you were playing golf with him in Palm Beach. Pelone: You were right. I had no business usurping your authority on the case. Garret: But... Pelone: But I would hate for you to think I'd actually stoop to tailoring my findings for a fee. Garret: You've helped this kid out of trouble before, haven't you? Pelone: Once, on a simple asault charge, when he was nowhere near it. Check the record. Garret: That must make you very proud. Pelone: Why don't you like me, Doctor? Garret: I believe we've established that. Pelone: This isn't about the case. You've had a chip on your shoulder from minute one. Garret: Because I loathe everything you represent. Pelone: No need to sugarcoat it. Enlighten me. Garret: The wholesale presentation of what we do for entertainment's sake. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I miss the days when cracking a cause of death or solving a mrder was about bringing justice to the victims. And peace of mind to the grieving families. Pelone: I see. You are old-fashioned. Garret: I could go on. Pelone: You must be such fun at dinner parties. Woody: Doc! This is just about to get very interesting. Nigel: Doctor, good to see you back. Garret: What is it, guys? Woody: It's, uh, ahem, about our boy. Pelone: Brr, did it just get chilly in here? Garret: No, no, stay. Unless we're boring you outside the spotlight. Woody: All right, the bad news is that both of their alibis checked out. Dad was getting a root canal that day, and Gavin was playing golf in Palm Beach all last week. Pelone: And why is that bad news? Woody: I do not believe Palm Beach. Guy I spoke to sounded set up. Like Gavin had bought himself a built-in alibi. Pelone: Now you're being paranoid. Nigel: I would have agreed with you on that, Doctor, except that we took a tissue sample from the blister on the kid's hand, and I just got the results back. It shows high levels of carbon from road tar used by Boston utilities. Garret: Road tar, what's that got to do with anything? Pelone: And how did it get there? Nigel: It's not how it got there. It's that the carbon elements diminish over time. Garret: Does the tar match any trace from Tammi? Nigel: No, but from the high levels of carbon that remained, it showed the kid was likely in Boston the day Tammi was klled. Woody: Not sounding so paranoid now, am I? Pelone: Nice work. Nigel: Just doing my job, ma'am. Eldridge Residence* Mr. Eldridge: Thank you, Jack. Gavin is out. What is it now? Woody: He lied to us, Mr. Eldridge. About where he was the day Tammi was klled. Mr. Eldridge: What, you're saying, he wasn't really in Palm Beach? Garret: Where can we find him? Mr. Eldridge: I don't know. He took the Viper. Woody: Fancy car like that, I'm sure it's got a GPS locator. We can track him. Mr. Eldridge: Look, you have got this all wrong. Garret: The police are gonna stay here to make sure you don't disappear on us. Mr. Eldridge: Disappear? Do you have any idea who you are talking to? Garret: If you're protecting your son, you're gonna have some explaining to do. Come on. Woody: GPS puts the car right around this curve. Garret: There. Woody: Gavvy, what's up, you moonlighting? Gavin: Man! What are you guys doing to me? Garret: What are you doing here? Gavin: What does it look like? Community service. Garret: Mind if we take a look at your hand? Gavin: Look, guys, I gotta handle this one myself. Woody: Handle what? Gavin: Public lewdness. My dad finds out, he'll disown me, okay? Please--please don't tell him. ~Videotape~ Luca: If I didn't have the money? You mean, like, no money at all? God, I don't know. I'd...probably want to kll myself. Woody: I don't get these kids. They got everything going for them, all that money. You'd think they'd be happier. All they seem to care about is hanging onto it. Nigel: We all hang on to what defines us, Woody. Maybe that's what Tammi was trying to show. Woody: Maybe that's what got her klled. Garret: We're still no closer to figuring it out. Nigel: I don't know. It's not like we were completely wrong, Dr. M., Not technically. We were just following a trail of evidence-- Garret: I'll remember to tell the mayor that when the Eldridge family files their lawsuit. I'll be slinging tar next to Gavin. Pelone: Actually, his community service ends next week. Garret: You here to gloat? Pelone: Wouldn't dream of it. Though I have spoken to the Eldridge’s, and, no, they're not happy. Garret: Yeah, well, we're not finished yet. Nigel, are you done cataloging all that debris off Tammi's body? Nigel: Every seed and bramble. Garret: Anything unusual? Nigel: No more shards of compressed wood, if that's what you're asking. Garret: Okay, I think it's time we go back to the woods where we found her, comb it for evidence. Woody: That's a lot of acreage, doc. Nigel: I did find one lonely little tuft of alfalfa grass. It was embedded in her scalp underneath the shard of wood. Woody: So you're saying it was there before the blow that klled her? Garret: Or embedded by the blow. Pelone: Alfalfa grass is expensive and hard to grow here. Nigel: But horses love it. Would it be unlike high-class debs to grow it just for that specific purpose? Woody: So if we find a patch of alfalfa grass-- Garret: Maybe we find our crime scene. Pelone: Um, ahem! May I tag along? Nigel: You're kind of overdressed. Garret: And there won't be any news coverage. Pelone: Ah, well, however will I manage? *ME's Office* Bug: What's that you're doing? Sidney: What, you're actually interested in something I'm doing? Bug: Well, let's just say my normal disdain for you is being outweighed by my curiosity at the moment. Sidney: See? We're bonding, you and me. Bug: Yeah, don't push it. Sidney: I hacked into MRC labs' employee database. We're talking about 6,000 faces. Nationwide. Bug: Well, try narrowing yourself to their research and development department. They'd be the ones handling the experimental drugs. Sidney: Oh, yeah, that helps. Down to 440. Bug: Wait. Back up. There. Sidney: Are you kidding me? Bug: Think Jordan's gonna wanna see this. *Duplaix Apartment* Santana: Police! Huh. What was going on here? Jordan: Well, drug absorption charts for Gabacor. Santana: What's it for? Jordan: Well, maybe you could tell us, Reggie. Look, we know you worked for MRC as a pharmaceutical engineer. And my guess is that it's you who has Huntington’s. Santana: That's why you wrapped up your own arm. Couldn't let a doctor see it? Reggie: I need the sling to control my tremors. When MRC laid me off, I lost my coverage. Jordan: So you used your brother’s. You went to the hospital posing as him. The antibodies listed in Troy's blood were actually yours. Reggie: The tests we were running at MRC were years from being complete. I couldn't wait that long. Troy knew that he might get it one day too. When I got too weak to handle the Gabacor, Troy insisted on testing it himself. He was doing it for me. Jordan: But he had a bad reaction to the Gabacor. You had to get him to the hospital, and he couldn't stay on the motorcycle. Reggie: He was doing it for me. Just like I'd have done it for him. (Sobbing) I'm so sorry, Troy! Oh, what did I do? What did I do? *Leighton Academy Riding Grounds* Nigel: Alfalfa! I'd say we're only looking at a few patches of the stuff. Woody: And not 50 yards from where Tammi's body was found. Pelone: Oh, me of little faith. I stand corrected. Garret: I know it's a needle in a haystack, but it's our last best chance. Let's go. Woody: I hate to use a tired cliché, but bingo. Nigel: Same compressed wood you found on Tammi. Pelone: Looks like blood. Woody: Doesn't look like a broken bat. Nigel: Looks more like a polo mallet. Woody: See? Now, he would know that. Garret: What are the odds Leighton Academy's got a polo team? Dean: Most of the equipment that we have is in here. Softball, basketball, cricket. Garret: Polo. Dean: Yeah, we've got polo. Nigel: Okay, now, I'm no expert, but I would imagine those are the mallets. (Nigel fits the piece they found to one of the mallets) Garret: Let's get it back and check it for prints. You have a roster of the players on the polo team? Dean: I'm sure we do somewhere, but there's a team photo right over here. Woody: Well, Nigel and the media princess can take all the prints they want. I got a hunch we're not gonna need them. What can you tell us about that girl? Luca: Come in. Oh, hi. Woody: Hi, Luca. How are you? This is Dr. Garret Macy, chief medical examiner. Is this a bad time? Luca: For what? Woody: You're packing. You going somewhere? Luca: Yeah, St. Thomas. A bunch of girls are going. Is there something you guys want? Woody: We were watching that video that Tammi made just before she died. You know, the one about her family that someone tried to erase. Garret: Turns out it was about all your families. What life was like with all that money. What it might be like without it. Woody: And on it, you said that you would kll yourself. Luca: I did? I was only joking. (Cell phone rings) Look, guys, I really should keep packing. Woody: Oh, Luca, Luca, let me grab that bottle, would you? Just drop it right in there. There you go. Luca: Why? I-I don't understand. Woody: We believe that Tammi was lured out of her room for an early morning ride, and then struck in the base of her skull with a polo mallet. Luca: Look, I don't know anything about that. Woody: Yes, but you also told me that you and Tammi never hung out, that you weren't really friends. And then I found out that the two of you were teammates. So I'm guessing that you knew each other pretty well. Garret: We have the mrder wapon, Luca. We found a set of clean prints, right at the base of the handle. Woody: As soon as we run these... really just a matter of time. Garret: You wanna tell us about it? Luca: She wouldn't listen. I tried to reason with her, but she didn't care. I mean...maybe she could live with it, but... you don't talk about money. Ever. It's in poor taste, and it's shameful, and, well, it just isn't done in my family. Garret: So if they ever found out that you did... Luca: If anyone ever heard what I said— Woody: You'd be disowned. Luca: And then what would I do? I mean, look at me. (Crying) I'm not beautiful, like Tammi. I'm not smart. No personality, no skills. I'm rich. That's what I am. That's all that I am. Garret: None of that's true. Luca: She just wouldn't listen. ME's Office* ~Videotape~ Luca: (Sobbing) My parents... they don't even know me. That's the arrangement. (Sniffling) The dirty little secret is... I was a mistake. I'm so sick of horses. Sick of this stupid school and all the money they spend to keep me out of their hair. I'm just sick of everything. Jordan: I think I'm sick of everything myself. Garret: She's just a kid. A sad, scared kid. Jordan: Prime material for a movie of the week. Garret: Please. I've had enough talk about show business for one day. Jordan: Your new girlfriend? Garret: Would you... give me a break? How was your day? Jordan: Uh, not so uplifting. Garret: What else is new? Jordan: Yeah, I'm better now, though. I think I just need a stiff drink or a hot bath. I'm not sure which. Pelone: Both sound good to me. Jordan: Well, speak of the devil. Pelone: Oh, is that how he describes me? Garret: Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh, Dr. Mara Pelone. Jordan: Well, at last. I love your work, as they say. Pelone: I've read your name in the forensic journal. You crack a lot of cases. Jordan: You know, I wouldn't crack any without this man-- Garret. He is a true genius, and quite single. Garret: Goodnight, Jordan. Jordan: See ya. Bye, Doctor. Pelone: Doctor. Bright and beautiful. Well, I'm gonna have to watch out for her when the media grows tired of me. Garret: You'd have better luck getting her to join the circus. Pelone: Well, now, aren't they the same thing? Garret: So... Pelone: So...come on. You owe me dinner. Garret: I do? Pelone: You found Tammi's k*ller, proving me wrong to the Eldridge family. So I gave them their money back. Garret: Really? Pelone: Uh-huh. Garret: I'm curious, exactly... how much did I cost you? Pelone: Well, let's just say it's probably gonna take more than one dinner.	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x12 - Family Affair"}	foreverdreaming
*ME's Office* Jordan: Haven't seen enough snow this winter? (Bug is staring at a snow globe.) Bug: (Chuckles) My aunt sent it to me. I admired it when I visited her in India a few years back. Can't believe she remembered. Jordan: Well, it's not your birthday. What's the occasion? Bug: She died. Jordan: Oh, god, Bug, I'm so sorry. Bug: It's okay. It was a few weeks back. She'd been sick a while. Heh, great lady, though. Always thinking of everyone else but herself. Lily: Hey... I need you guys. There's a man here who's come in with the body of his employer. Jordan: Wow, that's loyalty. Lily: Well, he was the man's caregiver. He wants to speak to an ME. He's pretty insistent. Jordan: Hi, I'm Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh. This is Dr. Vijay. Owen: Owen Stanwood. Mr. Harvey here died peacefully in his sleep this morning at home. He was 92. I wanna make sure he doesn't have to spend too much time in a place like this. It's not right. It's not dignified. Jordan: Okay, well, uh, his left pupil seems normal. His right pupil is dilated. Did Mr. Harvey have a history of stroke? Owen: He had three transient ischemic attcks in the past six months. Bug: Did he suffer from scleroderma? Owen: Yes, amongst other things. Lily: Are there any relatives? Owen: His daughter Julie. Lily: Uh, do you know how we can get in touch with her? Owen: No, and, um, I wouldn't bother. She didn't come to see him once in the past 18 months. Broke the poor man's heart. Bug: He's lucky he had you. Owen: I was the lucky one. Um, I brought all his medical records. His prescription drug history-- it's all there. Jordan: Wow, it looks like you've kept very thorough records. Bug: Mr. Harvey was an organ donor. Owen: Yes, um, it was a well-intentioned gesture. But considering his condition— Jordan: Oh, we'll make an assessment. Due to his age, I'm sure an autopsy won't be necessary. Owen: Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. Logan Airport* Woody: Dr. Macy. Garret: Hey, Woody. Woody: What do we got? Garret: Well, since they called for a medical examiner and a homicide detective, my guess would be a body. Woody: Is sarcasm a prerequisite for being an ME? Garret: It helps. Helm: Garret! I'm glad you're here. Garret: Andrew, say hello to Detective Hoyt. This is Massport chief Andrew Helm. Helm: Hey. A passenger, Robert Castelli, uh, flight 440, inbound from San Francisco. He gets in an altercation with an airport cop. Woody: What kind of altercation? Helm: Uh, he looks sick. The officer asks him if he needs help. But Castelli shoves him. One shove wins you a first-class ticket to security. Went blue during questioning. Paramedics couldn't revive him. Woody: His ticket says Bangkok. Helm: That's where the flight originated. Woody: Picked up a virus over in Thailand? Helm: That's the fear. Woody: Should we get some masks in here? Garret: A little late for that now. Helm: We managed to stop the crew and most of the passengers before they left the airport. We're holding them until you tell me this isn't a patient zero situation. Garret: Rash is most likely an allergy, but pinpoint pupils, frothy edema, and a core temperature that must have dipped like a roller coaster... this is a narcotics OD. Woody: What is he, 22 years old? He his whole life ahead of him. I'll never understand why they do it. (A guy comes in and whispers something to Helm and then leaves.) Helm: Garret, are you sure this is an OD? Garret: Yeah. Why? Helm: Helen Sivley, 58. She was a baggage handler. Worked the conveyer belt. Co-worker said that she started to act funny. And then her legs just cut out from under her. Garret: Another overdose. Helm: In one hour, two people die 50 yards apart of the same thing? Woody: At an international airport? Helm: Are you sure that there isn't some virus that mimics an overdose, that's something that she could have caught from him? Garret: This is Pathology 101. You got two OD’s. Woody: How do you "catch" a drug overdose? Helm: Tell me why I shouldn't close down this entire airport. {Crossing Jordan Intro} *ME's Office* Lily: Jordan! Jordan! Jordan: Sorry. Oh, hey. Lily: Everything okay? Jordan: I'm not so sure. Uh, according to Mr. Harvey's medical records, he took 200 milligrams of nutritional supplements a day. Just did a routine blood workup that says he was vitamin K deficient. Lily: Well, I've got Julie Harvey in the conference room. Maybe she can explain it. Jordan: Well, that was quick. Lily: Well, she wasn't hard to find. She lives in Boston. Right down the street from her father. Jordan: Man, that's cold. Living so close to a dying parent and never visiting. Lily: That's the thing, Jordan. She claims they weren't estranged at all. Jordan: Ms. Harvey, I'm Jordan Cavanaugh. Julie: Owen Stanwood’s a liar! Jordan: That's a serious accusation. Julie: Well, so is saying that I don't care about my father. Maybe we didn't have a perfect relationship. I'm not exactly the easiest person to get along with. But we were civil to one another before Owen Stanwood came along. Jordan: What happened? Julie: That man drove a wedge between us. He took advantage of my father's senility. Kept him isolated. Turned him against me. Lily: Why would he do that? Julie: I don't know. He was a strange man. He was overly protective of my father. Always badgering me to fill out a do not resuscitate order. Suggesting options to ease dad into heaven or— Jordan: Ms. Harvey, I found an anomaly in your father's blood work. Initially, we didn't feel an autopsy was necessary. But after what you've just told us, I would like to do one. Julie: Are you telling me that Owen Stanwood might have harmed my father? Jordan: I'm not sure. Let's see what your father's body tells us. *Logan Airport* Woody: This doesn't make any sense, Dr. Macy. Garret: If everything made sense, we'd both be out of a job. Trust me, it's an OD. Woody: What are we talking here-- a drug ring, a coincidence? Helm: Helen Sivley was last drug-tested on Tuesday. Negative. She was a model employee. She's been here 14 years. She took pride in the fact that she hasn't taken a sick day in the last five. If I release the passengers and the crew from 440, and we trigger an epidemic— Garret: Then hold them. Helm: How fast can you get me an answer? Garret: As soon as I get the bodies back to the morgue. Woody: Could Castelli have had any contact with Helen Sivley? Some way he passed drugs? Helm: There's one way to find out. (They go to the security room) Woody: Anybody slacks off, you know. Why didn't Castelli's bags go through customs? Helm: They did, when he transferred in San Francisco and then they got rechecked on the leg to Boston. (On the security video, a bag falls off the conveyor and spills open. Sively picks up the items that fell out and puts them back in the suitcase.) Woody: All right, if that's Castelli's bag, and there are drugs in there, Sivley could have lifted them. Helm: Play that again. Nope. Not unless she's Houdini. Hey, right there. Uh, uh, the time code. That's--that's when Castelli was detained. Woody: When did she die? Helm: 35 minutes later. Fast forward. Woody: There's no way she and Castelli could have had any physical contact. He's coming back from Thailand. Which kind of screams drugs. Where are the suitcases? Helm: I sent somebody to collect them. The bags are gone. *ME's Office* Nigel: (Chuckles) Uh... (Chuckles) Sweet Nancy, look at this. Woody: What? What is it? Nigel: Check out how many hits I'm getting on my web site, nigelblog.com I'll be posting evidence on the Beacon Hill mrder. Three years ago, three bodies were found-- Woody: It’s fascinating, really. It's extremely fascinating. Did you get that footage I t-3'd over from Logan? Nigel: Yeah, I did. And fascinating it is too. It's gonna get better, I promise. Woody: Could you fast forward it a little bit? A little more. Keep going, keep going. More, more, more, more. Stop right there. That guy. Is there any way you can ID him? Nigel: Well, he's not exactly wearing a nametag, but, uh... fret not. I still have a couple of unwrapped goodies in my bag of tricks. Woody: Where's Dr. Macy? Nigel: Uh, try trace. Woody: I got nothing so far. Garret: Well, not exactly setting the world on fre myself. Waiting on the tox screen results. Woody: Talk to his next of kin yet? Garret: He had a fiancee. We still haven't been able to reach her. Woody: Kate Daley. There's an address here. I'll go track her down. Garret: I did talk to Mrs. Sivley's husband and son. And they both say it's ridiculous to think she would take heroin voluntarily. Woody: Since it's a little difficult to take heroin accidentally, that leaves mrder. Garret: How do you figure? Woody: What if this were some kind of cleanup operation? All right, we have a courier and we got a baggage handler. Let's say they work for some sort of heroin smuggling ring. Once the drugs come, their job is over. Qccck! They're klled. Garret: By drug overdose? Woody: I'm riffing here. Work with me. My guess is it has something to do with the bags. Garret: What bags? Woody: Some guy came and took Castelli's bags off the baggage carousel. Nigel: No ID yet, Woody, but it's confirmed: Both victims definitely OD’d on heroin. Woody: And we're sure that there's no way that could be a coincidence? Nigel: Not a chance. I checked. Both doses came from the same batch. Woody: Castelli was rushed straight to security. Helen Sivley died near baggage handling. The two had no contact with each other. Garret: And I can't determine how the drug got in their systems. No needle marks, no evidence that they smoked it or snorted it. Nigel: Well, wait a minute. What we're saying here is that someone's figured out how to give people lethal doses of heroin without them knowing it? Garret: Yep. At Logan Airport. Woody: Where 75,000 people a day come in and out of the greater Boston area. Garret: And we still have no idea how they're doing it. *ME's Office* Lily: Uh, Mr. Harvey is in drawer 18. Jordan: Well, at least science is on our side. If Stanwood pulled a Kevorkian on this guy, we'll nail him. Lily: What is it? Jordan: He should only be wrapped up like this if... someone already opened him up. Lily: You don't think one of the donor procurement agents came in without us knowing? Jordan: Not without me or Bug signing off. Lily: Uh... he's not on the autopsy schedule. Someone must have made a mistake. Jordan: Ah, one we're all gonna pay for. Jordan: Oh, tell me that's not Mr. Harvey's liver. Bug: What's the matter? Lily: Bug, you autopsied Mr. Harvey without permission. Bug: Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Jordan: What were you thinking? Bug: Well, I can explain-- Jordan: Please help me out here. Bug: Mr. Harvey suffered from scleroderma. It's a deadly skin disorder. The pain is excruciating, but there's no cure. Jordan: Bug, the liver. Bug: My aunt had the same disease, but died from liver failure, so I got to thinking: There's no serious research being done on scleroderma and liver dysfunction. And since Mr. Harvey was an organ donor-- Jordan: No, that's no excuse. Bug: Come on, Jordan. I mean, it's not like you haven't broken the rules before. I mean, you've done a dozen things that should have landed you in prison. Jordan: Not only did you do this without authorization, but you broke the chain of evidence. Bug: What evidence? He was an old man who died of natural causes. Lily: We're not so sure of that. Jordan: So even if we find evidence of foul play, it'll be challenged in court as inadmissible. You know, Bug, I hope for the sake of your job you come up with a better excuse than that. Lily: Bug... hey. What's really going on here? Bug: My aunt, she died slowly and painfully from a terrible disease, and I just-- just felt like I had to do something. *Kate Daley's Apartment* Kate: Never seen him before. Woody: He's the man who took your fiancee's luggage out of baggage claim. Kate: This doesn't make any sense. Robert told me that he was going to the library while I worked in the darkroom. Woody: When was that? Kate: Thursday, around, um, 6:00. Woody: And you weren't suspicious when he didn't show up for three days? Kate: Uh, he's done this before. Sleeps at a friend's house. (Crying) We were, uh... having some problems. God, he said it was behind him. I was so convinced that he was clean. Woody: Addicts can be good liars. Kate: Ohh, how could I have been so stupid? Woody: You have any idea how he could have left here that night and ended up in Thailand 19 hours later? Kate: No. No idea. Woody: Well, if we could retrace his steps-- who he talked to, where he went, was he alone. Kate: I told you, I have no idea. Woody: We have his credit card records. And he spent $57 Thursday night at a bar called The Hanger. Do you know it? Kate: Yeah, it's a college hangout, four blocks away. Woody: I'm very sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to hear that... someone you loved is not who you think they are. *The Hanger Sports Bar* Woody: Have you seen this guy? Bartender: Dude, I see so many faces in here. I have no idea who that is. Woody: How about this guy? Bartender: Sorry. Woody: He was in here on Tuesday night. You work Tuesdays, right? Bartender: Yeah. Woody: You tell me you don't remember a guy who ran up a $60 bar tab? Bartender: I don't look at 'em, dude. You make eye contact with them, you end up listening to their problems. I don't wanna. Waitress: I know that guy. Remember? He comes in here with his girlfriend sometimes. He was in here on Thursday. He was...nervous. Woody: About what? Waitress: He said he was leaving that night at, like, 10:00, and he hated flying. Woody: Drinking up a little courage. Waitress: Yeah. Patrons: Excuse me, waitress. Waitress: I told him he was gonna miss his flight. He said he could cut it close 'cause he wasn't checking any baggage. This picture... is he, like, dad? Woody: Yeah. Waitress: Oh, my god. What happened? Woody: Was he alone? Waitress: Yeah. Woody: Did he say where he was going or why? Waitress: Uh, not where. All he said was if he took this trip, he'd finally have enough money to buy an engagement ring. Patrons: Can we get some service over here? Waitress: I gotta go. ME's Office* Lily: Hey, I just got a call from Julie Harvey wondering how the autopsy is going. Jordan: Well, nothing suspicious so far, lucky for Bug. Lily: Hey, I know what he did was really stupid, but his heart was in the right place. Jordan: Explain that to Julie Harvey. Lily: (Door opens) Uh-oh, this is not a good news face. Bug: I ran Mr. Harvey's liver through the mass spectrometer and found a small dose of warfarin. Jordan: Wow, there's our smoking gn. Lily: What's warfarin? Bug: It's a blood thinner. The last thing a person prone to TIA should be taking. Jordan: Also explains the vitamin K deficiency. Lily: So either Mr. Stanwood accidentally gave Mr. Harvey the wrong medication... Jordan: Or he's an angel of death. This evidence would have nailed Stanwood's ass to the bedpan. Lily: So what do we do now? Jordan: I have to tell Julie Harvey the truth. Bug: No, Jordan, I do. I screwed this up. I have to make it right. Lily: But telling Julie Harvey what happened doesn't get Stanwood off the streets. Jordan: Lily is right. We have to find some other way of proving that Stanwood did this. Bug: But without Mr. Harvey's body? Jordan: Wait. He's done this once. Maybe he's done it before. Lily: If that's true, there could be another body out there. Maybe more. Jordan: We get a list of his past employers. We look for any similar deaths. Bug: But how will that prove he klled Mr. Harvey? Jordan: It doesn't. But if there's a pattern, and we could pin another mrder on him, at least it'd get him locked up. Bug: How do we get this list? I mean, it's not like we can just ask him for it. Lily: Actually, I think we can. And I know the perfect guy to help us do it. Coffee Shop* (Seely is posing as Lily's husband while they are talking to Owen.) Owen: Where is mother Lebowski currently living? Seely: In a group home down in Rhode Island. And I'm fine with keeping her there. Really fine. But...the wife here wants her nearby. And what the wife wants, the wife gets. Lily: What I really want is for her to move home with us. But she thinks my husband is an obnoxious jerk. Isn't that right... honey bun? Seely: Well, thank goodness you don't feel that way... sweetie pie. Owen: Taking care of a dying family member can put quite a strain on a marriage. You're smart to consider hiring a caregiver. Though, as I told you, I've already committed to a new client. Lily: Yes, we know. But when I saw you in the morgue, how compassionate you were, I'm sure that we could improve upon whatever salary you're making. Owen: This isn't about the money for me. Seely: Good to know. Now, both of us feel very strongly that mother Lebowski doesn't suffer in any way so, uh, how do you feel about DNR's? Owen: I consider them an act of love. Lily: Wow. I really admire your line of work, Mr. Stanwood. Taking care of people in their final days. I don't know how you do it. Owen: Well, I admit it can be quite painful. Um, I become very attached to my clients. But there's also a kind of a quieting hope. Lily: How do you mean? Owen: Almost as though, for a brief second, I can see a portal open to god. Lily: Huh. Seely: Well, we'd really like to get the ball rolling. Uh, you know, in case your new client isn't long for this world. So if we could see a list of prior employment. Owen: Of course. Seely: And this is everyone you've ever cared for? Owen: My life's work. Seely: Great. So, uh, let us do some detective work, and, uh... check out your references. And, uh, we'll get back to you. Right...honey bun? Lily: Whatever you say... pumpkin. *ME's Office* Woody: Tell me you're having better luck than I am. Nigel: Well, we're about to find out. I'm running a lip-reading program. It's got a 90% accuracy rate. Woody: Lip reading? Does that really work? Nigel: Well, we'll see, won't we? Very exciting. Woody: Exciting would be an ID on my bag snatcher. (Beeping) Computer voice: Hey... mybe not a wasted drip after all. I'll neet you at turd and north in amount an hour. Woody: Turd and north? Nigel: Like I said, 90%. *Third and North: Shoe Sales and Repairs* Woody: The fiancee thought that Castelli had cleaned up his act. Same old story with these people. Nigel: "These people"? Frankly, we don't know the whole story, now, do we? Woody: I know enough to know that he was lying to everyone in his life. That's what addicts do. End of story. Nigel: That's a tad dogmatic, don't you think? Woody: See, the problem is, you never know before you start if you're gonna be an addict or a non-addict. Nigel: Woody... Woody: And the best way not to fall into that pit-- Nigel: Woody-- Woody: Is to never start. Nigel: Woody! (He points to the store sign: Third and North) Woody: It's unlocked. Hello? Lock the door. (The scene changes to Garret starting an autopsy on Castelli and then it changes back to Third and North) Nigel: Huh, half the stolen property in Boston here in one convenient location. Woody: It's Castelli's. Nigel: Were there two suitcases? Woody: Yeah. (The scene changes to Garret taking a skin scraping off Castelli and then the scene changes back to Wood, who takes a sweater out of Castelli's suitcase and shakes it out, sniffling. Garret is looking at the skin sample on a screen and then takes off. The scene briefly changes back to Woody who is putting down the sweater, then back to Garret who takes a cream colored sweater of a rack. Back at the store, Nigel finds a dad guy.) Nigel: Hey, Woody, we got another OD. (They scene quickly switches to the morgue where Garret is bringing the sweater into trace and is putting it under a large magnifying glass. Back at Third and North, Woody collapses.) Nigel: Woody? Woody! Woody! Woody. (Cell phone rings) Woody: (Mumbling) I don't know who he is. Nigel: (Cell phone ringing) Dr. Macy? Garret: Nigel, where are you? Nigel: Dr. Macy, I need-- Garret: If you find the suitcases, don't touch anything in them. The heroin's in the clothes. Nigel: I know, it's too late. Send some paramedics. Third and North. Garret: They're on the way. Nigel: Right. Third and North (Whispering to Woody) Okay, stay with me. Stay with me. (Woody is lying on a gurney. The camera switches to how things look from Woody's perspective.) (Distorted voices) Garret: Looks like he's gonna make it. (Distorted) You're lucky. A few more minutes it could have been over. (Woody tries to get up.) Take it easy. Take it easy. Woody: Why is my arm klling me? Nigel: There's a sht of naloxone in your deltoid. It's a heroin antagonist. Kept you alive. Woody: What? Garret: The heroin's in the clothes. Nigel: Seriously in need of a warning label. The heroin on the sweater rubbed off on your gloves. You must have been scratching at your eye. Garret: Your tear duct's a mucous membrane. You got a direct dose of heroin. Nigel: You OD'd, Woody. Woody: I was drugged? Garret: Yeah. So was Castelli and the baggage handler. Nigel: And that poor sap in there. But at least the passengers on flight 440 have been released. Woody: Oh, damn it. The other suitcase is still out there. If someone else dies-- Nigel: Hold on, we've been busy while you've been napping. Now, the bloke in there, the dad guy, he's not the one that stole the suitcases. He's his partner. He's got a record a mile long-- breaking and entering, petty theft, stolen goods. Woody: So...who we looking for? Nigel: One Dexter Pontillo. He's known for selling stolen goods out of the trunk of his car. Woody: He's got the second bag? Nigel: That is the current thinking, yeah. Woody: He went from b&e to selling drugs? Garret: It's possible. And if he or anyone else touches what's in it... Woody: (to the officers standing nearby) Hey. We're gonna need an APB to every ER in the city. Anybody comes in with a heroin overdose, they got to alert us immediately. Officer: Got it. Woody: Thank you. Garret: Let's get you checked out at a hospital. Woody: Yeah, maybe later. Garret: No, I'm serious. Woody: So am I! Garret: Hey! I think you need to go to a hospital. Woody: Do I? Garret: Yeah, you do. Woody! What the hell's going on? Woody: I can't believe this happened to me, Dr. Macy. Me of all people. Garret: It could have happened to any of us. Woody: No, I-- I hate drugs. I hate drugs. I've never so much as taken a-- My brother had a problem. He's clean now, or so he says, but I, uh... I watched what they did to him. I watched what they turned him into. I appreciate your concern, but I'm gonna go find this bag. *ME's Office* Seely: Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Stroke, and stroke. Jordan: Seven strokes out of twelve employers. What are the odds? Seely: Yeah, well, I'm no mathematician, but I'd guess that-- Bug: 10,217 to one. Well, strokes account for seven percent of all deaths, so then you'd-- Seely: Yeah, the point is it sounds like we got an angel of death. Lily: Now we just have to prove it. Seely: Yeah, well, good luck with that, sweetie pie. Lily: Thanks for the support, honey bun. Bug: Honey bun? Seely: All right, reality check here. Most of these bodies weren't even autopsied. You're gonna ask to exhume people's loved ones based on evidence tainted by Dr. Frankenstein here? Bug: Listen, you inglorious bastard-- Jordan: Let's focus, gentlemen, okay? Out of the 12, how many were autopsied? Seely: A whopping two. And one wasn't even a stroke victim. Lily: Why so few? Bug: Less than one in 25 elderly folks are ever autopsied. If it looks like they had a stroke-- Jordan: Then they probably had a stroke. Do either of them have stored tissue samples? Bug: Just on non-stroke victim. A Mrs. Wilson from Roanoke, Virginia. Jordan: That's something. Let's get the samples. Bug: Yeah, except I know the chief ME there. He's a total ass. He'll make us jump through a week's worth of paperwork. Seely: Give me the number. I'm not just any inglorious bastard. I'm an inglorious bastard with a badge. (Bug hands over the number.) Nigel: So what I'm saying is if the heroin was put into the sweaters in Thailand, and Robert Castelli brought it back here for someone to sell, someone here has to be able to unbond the heroin from the fabric. Garret: Yeah, hard to smoke a sweater. Nigel: Yeah, the dosage is, shall we say, severe. Not good for repeat business. Garret: Let's hope Woody finds that second suitcase. Nigel: Yeah, in the meantime, if we can deconstruct the process, figure out the chemicals used to extract the heroin, maybe we can trace those chemicals to the people who bought them, eh? Garret: Autopsy on a cardigan. A first for me. *Police Car/Boston Corner* Woman: (over a police radio) Unit 10, I'm connecting you to the ER at BU Medical. They've got a male, 47 years old, came in a couple of hours ago, reportedly suffering from a heroin overdose. Man: (over a police radio) Emergency. Woody: (over a police radio) Hey, this is Detective Woody Hoyt, Boston PD. Is the victim wearing an off-white sweater? Man: Uh, yeah, that's right. Woody: All right, nobody touches that sweater. Is the victim conscious? Man: Barely. Woody: All right, ask him where he got it. Man: What? Woody: Ask him where he got the damn sweater! (Police sirens) (Tires screech) Woody: Pontillo! On the ground, now! Do not touch those sweaters! Do not touch those sweaters! Hands behind your head! On the ground, now! Do it! (Pontillo takes off running) Freeze! Stop! Stop! Freeze! I said stop! Freeze! (Woody fires his gn, not directly at Pontillo) Get down here. Get down here! Your partner's already dad. You wanna be dad too? How many sweaters you sell? How many sweaters you sell? Pontillo: One! Woody: Anybody else touch them? Pontillo: No, nobody! They're butt ugly, and nobody wanted one, okay? Woody: You're lucky it's freezing out here. These cheap-ass gloves saved your worthless life. I can't say the same for the three people your heroin klled. Pontillo: Heroin? What are you talking about? I'm not a dealer. Look at me! I sell crappy sweaters on the street for five bucks a pop! *ME's Office* Bug: (Beeping) Big, fat nada. I ran the tissue samples for warfarin, coumadin, any type of blood thinner-- all negative. Lily: Well, maybe Mrs. Wilson died naturally. Seely: All right, we're in the 15th round here. We need a knockout. Time to start throwing some haymakers. Bug: Great, we're reduced to incomprehensible sports metaphors. Seely: I'm saying I'm bringing Stanwood in. Look, sometimes all it takes is getting the guy in the hot seat. Letting him know you're on to him. Who knows? Maybe I'll trip him up. What's the worst that could happen? Bug: Gee, I don't know-- you screw things up, tip him off, he skips town. Seely: All right, there's that. But, then again, it just might work. Bug: I don't like him. *Kate Daley's Apartment* Woody: (Knock on door) Hi. Ms. Daley, I hope I'm not disturbing you. Kate: No. Woody: I just came by to tell you that we found the bags that Robert brought back from Thailand. He didn't take heroin, Ms. Daley. Not intentionally. They were in the clothes. In the bags, inside the clothes. He, uh... put on a sweater that was filled with heroin. Kate: So he didn't, um-- Woody: No, no, it was an accident. He must have stolen one of the sweaters and put it on when he ht the cold air of Boston. Probably in the jetway ramp. Anyway, I-- I just thought you should know that. Kate: Thank you. ME's Office* Woody: Anything? Nigel: I'm working on it. Woody: Yeah, I can see that. Nigel: Dr. Macy and I have been working all night on getting the heroin out of that sweater. It's like an Elvin knot. You know, you just can't untangle it. Garret: We haven't reached a dad end yet. Woody: I have--this guy Pontillo was not the bag man. He's just some petty thief. He had no idea what he had. Garret: So if Pontillo wasn't supposed to pick up the bags, who was? Nigel: Well you can bet they weren't gonna trust Castelli to carry around something like $1 million's worth of heroin for too long. Woody: My guess is the second the bags ht baggage claim, they would have been all over them. Garret: Ok, then somebody else was supposed to pick them up. Nigel: Yeah, but like who? Woody: Still got that surveillance video from the baggage claim at Logan? Nigel: Yeah. Woody: Scroll it forward. Nigel: I'm not seeing anything. Garret: Keep going. Woody: Stop. Play it. Stop. Garret: You recognize him? Woody: Yeah. I recognize him. *The Hanger Sports Bar* Woody: Boston PD! Everybody relax. Everybody calm down. We're all gonna chill out. So you can finish your drinks, because nobody's moving, and nobody's leaving. And remember to tip your waitresses. Bartender: What are you doing? (Woody grabs his collar and pulls him towards the bar.) Uhh! Woody: (Glass breaks) Where are the drugs? Bartender: I don't know-- ow! Aah! Woody: You lose some bags at the airport? Bartender: What are you doing? What are you talking about? Woody: Place looks busy. Guess word gets out when a fine establishment such as this serves people what they're looking for. Bartender: Look, I'm not following you, chief. Woody: I'm not the chief. But I got a tape of you looking for your lost shipment. So why don't you tell me where the drugs are, and maybe I'll cut you a deal. Bartender: You can't just come in here without a warrant and bust up my bar! Woody: You shut up and listen! (Woody waves the warrant in front of the bartender's face.) I can come in here and do whatever I want. This organization is going down. You are going down. So if you're gonna play ball with me, I suggest the time is now. Garret: Woody, we got him. K-9 found it under the floorboards, eight bricks. That's over 16 kilos of heroin. Woody: How much does it suck to be you? *ME's Office* Woody: You found what we need to nail him? Garret: Chemical process they're using, Davis may be the dealer, but there's no way he's the guy behind it. Technique's cutting edge. This dealer could go down, and there'd be 100 more lined up to take the product. We have to stop the process. Problem is it's gonna take a genius to figure out what it is. Nigel: Okay, before, we were stuck. We had the sweater, but no viable way of extracting the heroin until we got this. Now, each garment holds approximately half a pound of pure heroin. A simple chemical equation gives us the process. The actual weave of the sweater facilitates in the heroin bonding. Now, they put it together by liquefying crystal heroin with acetic anhydride and, bam, some sodium quinal-barbitone. And then lightly dipping the fabric into it, like that. But our friends in Thailand got greedy, and they oversaturated it. Garret: That's why it's so deadly. Nigel: 90% tetrochloroethylene, 5% deionized water, 4% silver halide, and 1% butyl peroxide. Check this out. Shazam, baby. Woody: It's that easy? Nigel: Easy? You think that's easy? You know how hard I worked on that? Worked my butt off on that, Woody. I been working all night! Garret: Nigel! Nigel: Not like you day trippers. What? Garret: Can you trace the ingredients? Nigel: Well, the deionized water and butyl peroxide you can get at any hardware store. Tetrochloroethylene is the main ingredient in dry cleaning. There's over 700 dry cleaners in the city of Boston alone. Silver halide is used in developing film. So you add up all the local hobbyists, weekend labs... doesn't exactly narrow the field. Woody: You're telling me we're looking for a photographer. Nigel: That's the key. (Woody takes off.) (Shouting) You're welcome! *Boston Police Precinct* Lily: He looks so innocent. Seely: An act. All I have to do is rip through is facade. Lily: Using what for ammniton? We have nothing on him. Seely: Watch me. Lily: Matt! Don't put on a show. Just...figure out if we're right about him. (Seely enters interrogation room.) Seely: We decided to leave mother Lebowski in Rhode Island. So we won't be needing your services after all. Owen: I don't understand. What's going on? Seely: Your resume was very interesting. Twelve employers, seven deaths from stroke. Owen: They were old. Seely: (Chuckles) Did you do the math, Owen? You know what the odds are? 10,217 to one. Owen: Why are you doing this? Wh-why am I here? Seely: The morgue found warfarin in Samuel Harvey's body. Now, how do you reckon it got there, Owen? Owen: Warfarin? Seely: I'm guessing you know what it is? Owen: Of course I do. But I would never have given it to Mr. Harvey. It's contraindicated for someone with his blood pressure. Seely: Yeah, but you like opening that portal to god. Don't you, Owen? Owen: Have you ever stood at the threshold between life and death, Detective? Seely: You kll people to play god. Owen: I don't kll people. I...take care of them. I ease their burdens. And when their time comes, I watch them slip away... to a better place. Where they can no longer be devastated by the neglect of their families. No longer be ravaged by disease. No longer feel any pain. *ME's Office* Jordan: So, Bug, I'm thinking. That woman who died in Virginia-- Bug: We tried, Jordan. No blood thinner. Jordan: Well, stay with me here. She wasn't a good candidate for a stroke. But according to these records, she was on a ventilator for cardiopulmonary disease. Bug: So vinethene, fluormar, any type of gaseous anesthetic. Jordan: Would have put her down like a sick animal. You know, I called an ex-boyfriend of mine at Boston General. He was really interested in your theories on scleroderma and liver dysfunction. You should call him. (The computer results indicate fluoromar in the sample.) Bug: Fluoromar. Jordan: Yeah, fluoromar. *Boston Police Precinct* Seely: You remember Dr. Vijay, don't you? Bug: Darlene Wilson. You remember her? The woman you klled in Virginia by pumping her full of fluoromar? Owen: Even if that were true, you've got the same problem as the detective here. How to tie it to me. You got no proof. Bug: The proof exists. And since you were Mrs. Wilson's caregiver, I'm sure you remember her son is a Logan county judge. Do you really think he's gonna let you get away once we tell him what you did to his mother? You know, I think we ought to turn him over to Virginia. They got the death penalty there. Seely: It's the electric chair in Virginia. You know how it works? They strap you in and juice you with 50,000 volts. Not pretty. Oh, I forgot-- you like to stand at the portal between life and death. Bug: Well, we can arrange that for you. (Chuckles) Unless, of course, you want to confess to Samuel Harvey's mrder here in Massachusetts, where there's no death penalty. Seely: It shouldn't go that hard for you. I mean, he's an old guy who's near death anyway. You can try to sell that angel of mercy story to the DA and the judge. Owen: You're bluffing. Bug: Oh, try me. Please. Try me. (Lily, who has been watching through the one-way glass, slightly nods her head yes.) *Kate Daley's Apartment* (Knock on door) Kate: Detective. Woody: Hey, do you mind if we come in? We have a warrant. Sometimes it's right in front of your eyes, and you don't even notice it. Kate: Excuse me? Woody: Was it your idea to send Robert or did he volunteer? Kate: I--I don't know what you're-- Woody: All he had to do was pick up two little cases and leave them alone. Sounds easy enough. Except he made a mistake. He couldn't resist the temptation. Who's gonna find out? He opened them. Kate: Why--why are you telling me all this? Officer: Detective Hoyt... Woody: Chromamatte. Kate: I take photographs, Detective. Woody: Yeah, but what's gonna happen here is we're gonna take this canister back to the lab and link it to the heroin. See, your process leave small traces behind. What do you think it felt like, Kate? Having 90% of pure heroin seep into every one of your pores? Your brain frying, your heart racing so fast. What hurts more? Losing him... or losing the shipment? Kate: Okay, I told him not to open the bags. It was the one thing that I didn't even think about. Woody: I almost feel bad for you, Kate. Really, I do. Except you poured on the tears so well before, I'm beginning to think they're chemical too. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. *ME's Office* Woody: DA says it goes a lot higher than Kate. She's already starting to give names. Garret: It's amazing what people do to make a buck. Woody: Listen, Doc, I-- I know this case kind of got to me. But I want you to know that I'm okay. I put it behind me. Garret: Woody...last time I checked, we were all human. Jordan: Hey... Garret: So, uh, hear things have been a little strained around here lately. Come on, this place is a sieve. Jordan: Oh, you know, sometimes professional disagreements breed solutions. Bug: Yeah, all taken care of. Jordan: We're gonna leave it at that. Garret: And if there was more to it, you'd tell me, right? Jordan: Of course not. Bug: No way. Jordan: So, you two gentlemen want to buy a girl dinner? Woody: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Why are we always buying you dinner? Jordan: Oh, please. There's two of you. There's one of me. Woody: Oh, come on now...	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x14 - Gray m*rder"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Nigel is practicing a speech in front of Garret and Bug. He is standing beside a screen which is playing different clips of the ME's office. A song is playing in the background.] NIGEL: Boston is indeed the best place to die in this country. State of the art technology allows our medical examiners and criminolists to provide cutting edge service. By eliminating toe tags and switching to a barcode system, every aspect of each case, each body, can now be tracked through one central computer. And the next generation of forensic tools like the trace evidence concentrator, or Tracey as I like to call her, allow us to determine cause of death in 99.1% of our homicides, allowing families to grieve and to move on as best as is humanly possible. Boston welcomes the American Medical Examiners Association. What do you think? BUG: The song's a bit much, right? I told him. NIGEL: What are you talking about? It's perfect. GARRET: It's too much. NIGEL: Over the top, way too much. GARRET: That said, I think we may just bat Miami this year. (Nigel and Bug laugh.) NIGEL: Yes! GARRET: We've been waiting three years for this. (They walk into the corridor.) Get lots of sleep tonight, fellas. And Nigel, keep the tie, it's a nice touch. Judges will be in the conference room 9am sharp. Presentation, inspect the morgue, check out autopsy findings against the bodies. BUG: Does Jordan know about the time change? GARRET: No, let's leave Jordan out of this. We all remember what a disaster her presentation was last year. Those lame jokes. (Jordan walks up to them.) JORDAN: 11am, right? GARRET: What? JORDAN: Our big presentation tomorrow. GARRET: Yep, 11 o'clock. (Jordan and Garret walk down the corridor.) JORDAN: I thought my show and tell last year was really effective. But this year, I'm thinking of throwing in a few more jokes 'cause they love that stuff. GARRET: Absolutely. Keep them laughing. Listen, I gotta get out of here, I'm a nervous wreck. So 11 o'clock. See you then. JORDAN: Okay. (Garret walks away. Jordan walks past a body on a gurney in the corridor. She stops to look at the tattoo on the body's ankle. Sidney walks up to her.) SIDNEY: What in the world are you looking at? JORDAN: This tattoo here. SIDNEY: Okay, what about it? JORDAN: My dad has one identical to it. Same spot, right ankle. (They look at each other and Jordan uncovers the body's face. An elderly man is under it.) That's Joe Pacaski. SIDNEY: Yeah, you know him? JORDAN: Yeah, he was a cop with my dad. How'd he die? SIDNEY: They found him on a bridge this morning. He drowned. JORDAN: My dad should know about this. SIDNEY: Still no word from him? JORDAN: No. I hired that private eye friend of Nigel's. Paid him two grand. Haven't heard a word. SIDNEY: Ooh. JORDAN: You know, Sidney, could you try to track down Charlie Krueg. He was Joe's partner on the force. Leave the number on my desk, I want to call him first thing in the morning. SIDNEY: Okay, I'll do it right now. JORDAN: Great, thanks. SIDNEY: No problem. (Sidney walks away. Jordan walks towards her office. Woody walks up to her.) WOODY: Jordan, I want you to say it. JORDAN: Say what? WOODY: You're avoiding me. JORDAN: Why would I be doing that? WOODY: Ever since we got back from LA, and I think it's time that we talked about this. JORDAN: What this? WOODY: Us. Jordan, come on. JORDAN: All right, fine. You know what? You're right. We really should be adult about this. WOODY: Good. That's great. I'm just gonna go grab a ballistics report from Bug. Wait here for me, I'll drive. We'll go grab a drink or something. JORDAN: No, that's a bad idea. WOODY: Me drinking or me driving? JORDAN: We should take separate cars. I mean, that way we just avoid the whole "I'll drop you off at your place" kind of thing. WOODY: You're klling me, Jordan. JORDAN: JB's, half an hour. I'll meet you there. [Time lapse. Underground Car Park. Jordan is walking to her car. An elderly man steps in front of her.] MAN: Hello, Jordan. JORDAN: Do I know you? MAN: No. I'm looking for your father. JORDAN: My father, why? MAN: Let's just say he owes me something. JORDAN: You know what? I think you've got the wrong person because I really have no idea where he is. (She tries to leave but he stops her.) MAN: See now, I think you do. JORDAN: Who are you? MAN: See, I think you're gonna tell me. JORDAN: This conversation is over. I'm getting in my car and I'm driving away. (She walks off. He cocks his gn. She stops. He points the gn to her head.) MAN: Make no mistake. I'm gonna kll Max, one way or the other. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Underground Car Park. Jordan walks to her car.] SIDNEY: Jordan. (She turns around.) JORDAN: Did you see that man? SIDNEY: See who? JORDAN: That man. He was just here. SIDNEY: No, I don't see anybody. JORDAN: You didn't see a man here? SIDNEY: No, Jordan, I didn't. Are you okay? JORDAN: Yeah, I'm fine. SIDNEY: Look, I was heading home when I decided to stop by and tell you that the guy you wanted me to find out about, Charlie Krueg? JORDAN: Yeah. SIDNEY: He died yesterday in Florida. Yeah, but the weird thing is that he drowned too. JORDAN: I need to find my father. [Time lapse. Outside Ian "Sherlock" Moore's office. Jordan is banging on the door.] JORDAN: Hey, Sherlock! SHERLOCK: I got a hangover the size of my ass. This better be good. JORDAN: Open the hell up. (He opens the door.) SHERLOCK: Mrs. Cavanaugh. What time is it? JORDAN: Nine. SHERLOCK: In the morning? JORDAN: At night. What did you find out about my dad? (She walks inside.) SHERLOCK: Well, I haven't found him yet. Not the easiest man on the planet to find. JORDAN: You've had an entire month. You haven't found anything? SHERLOCK: I didn't say that. JORDAN: Just tell me what you know. SHERLOCK: Well, he's got a sister in Evanston, Illinois. And he was last seen driving a '64 Ford Fairlane. JORDAN: Right, because I told you all that. How about something new? Uh, what about Sam Keller? Did you follow that lead? SHERLOCK: Sam Keller? JORDAN: Yeah. SHERLOCK: He wasn't much help. JORDAN: Sam's a woman. SHERLOCK: He is? JORDAN: She and my dad dated when I was in high school. You haven't done a damn thing, have you? SHERLOCK: I've been a bit busy. I mean, I was... JORDAN: I gave you two thousand dollars to find my dad. SHERLOCK: I had every intention of doing it. JORDAN: Son of a bitch. (She leaves.) SHERLOCK: No, wait, look, I'm sorry. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. The computers are set up for the presentation. Nigel, Bug and Brian are there. Brian wipes a computer screen with a cloth.] BRIAN: So what do you think? NIGEL: Looks great, Brian. (Nigel and Bug walk out of the room.) I'm telling you, Buggles. I spoke to my mate in Milwaukee, he said the year they won, corporate sponsors threw tons of new gizmos their way. BUG: Oh, be still my heart. NIGEL: Yeah, I'll be able to expand my website www.nigelblog.com. It won't just be about solving mrder, it will be the place to learn about cutting edge forensics in this country. Screw that, the world. (They meet up with Lily.) LILY: Hey. NIGEL: Hey. LILY: How's that going, that blog thing? NIGEL: Well, we're getting thousands of hits a week. Mark my words, Beacon Hill mrder may be solved before the week is out. [Time lapse. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel, Bug and Lily are there. Nigel types on the computer.] NIGEL: It's technology, my friends. Speaking of which, it's time to check myself out. (He pulls down his sleeve to reveal a barcode on his wrist.) LILY: You bar coded yourself? NIGEL: If it's good enough for our cadavers. Easier than punching a clock. See, it's all about efficiency. ("Warning: File Corrupted" appears on the screen.) No, it can't be. Data's been wiped. BUG: I'm sorry, did you say something about efficiency? NIGEL: It's gone. LILY: Calm down, Nigel. NIGEL: No, no, no, you don't understand. Everybody in this morgue was logged in by this system. The paper identification was discarded. If the system isn't working... BUG: We still have our copies of all the autopsy records. NIGEL: Yeah, but without the computer, we don't know which file belongs to which body. LILY: You're kidding? Who would set up a system that stupid? NIGEL: This is a bloody disaster. You know when the AMEA judges pull a body from the drawer tomorrow morning and ask us to tell them about it, we're not gonna know who, what, why, when or how. BUG: We are toast. NIGEL: You gotta help me. LILY: Help you how? It's not like we can re-identify every body in cold storage by 9am. BUG: There's got to be a couple of hundred bodies. NIGEL: Well, what other choice do we have, Bug? LILY: Oh, god! [Scene: Police Station. Woody is sitting at his desk. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: I tried to call. You didn't pick up your phone. WOODY: There was a live band. I waited an hour. JORDAN: Something came up. WOODY: Something always comes up, Jordan. JORDAN: It's about my father. WOODY: (uninterested) Yeah? JORDAN: Someone's trying to kll him. (That gets his attention.) WOODY: What? JORDAN: Two friends of his, both cops, drowned in the last twenty-four hours. Then some guy puts a gn to my head and says that he's looking for my father. WOODY: Who was he? What did he look like? JORDAN: 60's. Grey hair. Like a guy who's done a lot of bad things. WOODY: Do you think you can pick him out of the mug book? JORDAN: Yeah. WOODY: Wait here. (Woody leaves the room. Jordan sits down. Her phone rings.) JORDAN: Hello? SHERLOCK: This is Sherlock. I didn't tell you everything I know. JORDAN: Okay, so tell me now. SHERLOCK: No, not on the phone. Meet me at the end of pier 43 in the abandoned cannery. I'll tell you everything. You wanna see your father alive again? Come alone. (Woody walks in with the mug books. Jordan has gone.) WOODY: Jordan? (He sees a note on his desk. It reads: "I'll explain later. Sorry") COMMERCIAL BREAK [Scene: ME's Office. Crypt. Nigel, Bug and Lily have taken most of the bodies out of the drawers.] LILY: Wouldn't it have been smarter to put the barcode number on the files? NIGEL: No, the barcode and the name were inextricably linked. There was no need. BUG: Clearly. LILY: Hm. NIGEL: Okay, if the peanut gallery's done griping, can we move on, please? Time's a wasting. Thank you. Female, Caucasian, brown hair. Youngish, not more thirty-five. BUG: This woman's not thirty-five. Try sixty. NIGEL: Don't start with me, Bug. BUG: Her hands, they're wrinkly. Varicose veins, sunspots. LILY: Great. That limits our list to maybe thirty possible targets for Jane Doe number one of 147. (Brian walks in.) BRIAN: You guys having a party? BUG: We're a little busy, Brian. BRIAN: That's cool. There's a couple waiting in the conference room. They're name's Jenkins. They're here to see their daughter's body. BUG, NIGEL, LILY: Now? BRIAN: Yeah. [Cut to the Conference Room. Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins are sitting at the table. Lily walks in holding a file.] LILY: Mr. Jenkins, Mrs. Jenkins, I'm Lily Lebowski. MRS. JENKINS: Where is she? We need to see her. LILY: I'm so sorry but there's no medical examiner on duty to show her to you. If you could come back tomorrow... MR. JENKINS: We just drove up from Baltimore. They called us, we need to see her. She'd been missing almost a week. Now they said she got ht by an elevated subway train. Why did it take so long for them to call us? LILY: Your daughter didn't have any ID on her so we needed to match her fingerprints to the missing persons report that you filed. MRS. JENKINS: They said that is happened in a crum-infested neighbourhood? What was she doing in a place like that? LILY: Did the police discuss any of this with you? MRS. JENKINS: Discuss what? We just want to know what she was doing there. LILY: You daughter was found in a area where there was a lot of solicitation. MR. JENKINS: Excuse me? MRS. JENKINS: Black girl in a bad neighbourhood and suddenly she's a hooker? Is that it? LILY: I'm sorry, it's just the evidence, there was... (Mr. Jenkins snatches the file.) Please, sir. MR. JENKINS: Traces of cocaine, multiple semen... (Mrs. Jenkins snatches the file and slams it on the table.) This is not our daughter, this is not our Chris. Now I wanna see my daughter! LILY: I am so sorry but I can't. If you can come back tomorrow. [Scene: Pier 43 Abandoned Cannery. Jordan pulls up in her car and walks inside. She hears a noise and looks around. Suddenly someone starts shting. She runs for cover. The shting stops and she hears a voice. She runs towards the voice and finds Sherlock on the ground. He has been sht.] SHERLOCK: I'm sorry. Didn't know he was gonna kll them. (Jordan sees the man load his gn near by. The man sees her and she runs. He sht at her.) MAN: Why don't you come out now, sweetheart, you're wasting both our time here. (A hand reaches around and covers Jordan's mouth. She turns around and sees Max.) MAX: Shh. JORDAN: Dad. MAX: Come with me. [Time lapse. Jordan and Max are in the car. Max is driving.] JORDAN: What happened back there? Who was that? Where have you been all this time? MAX: Any particular order you want those answered in? By the way, nice to see you too, Jordan. JORDAN: Oh, yeah, forgive me for not making small talk. Okay, so, how was the weather down in wherever the hell you were for the last year. Let's start with who that freak was and why he wants you dad. MAX: It's Cahill. JORDAN: Cahill. The Irish mob? He's the one who klled Joe Pacaski and Charlie Krueg? MAX: Which leaves just me and Pete. JORDAN: O'Mally. MAX: We gotta get over to his place and warn him. JORDAN: Why? MAX: Thirty years ago, the four of us, Pacaski, Krueg, O'Mally and me were working a cop klling case that we traced to Cahill. So Pacaski and Krueg went undercover and dug up enough evidence to put the mrder on him. It put him away for almost thirty years. JORDAN: But he's out now. MAX: Taking revenge. One at a time. JORDAN: Dad, we gotta call the cops. MAX: No, no cops. (Max pulls over.) JORDAN: What are you talking about? MAX: Just promise me no cops. JORDAN: A man was mrder back there. We have to at least file a police report. MAX: You don't get it, Jordan. They'll find that body two weeks from now, floating face down in the river forty miles away. (He groans in pain.) This isn't some amateur we're dealing with here. JORDAN: God, you're bleeding! MAX: Tends to happen when you get sht. JORDAN: We gotta get you to a hospital. MAX: We gotta get to O'Mally before Cahill does. (Max loses consciousness.) JORDAN: Dad. Dad! COMMERCIAL BREAK [Scene: Hospital. Max is laying in a bed. A nurse is standing beside him. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: Hi. NURSE: Does he belong to you? JORDAN: He's my dad, so yeah, I guess. NURSE: Kinda cute. He single? JORDAN: You could say comes with a few strings attached. NURSE: He's gonna be fine. bllet went clean through. JORDAN: Yeah, I know, I spoke with the doctor. NURSE: Must have pissed someone off real good though, huh? JORDAN: I'm sorry? NURSE: To sh*t him. Police should be here any minute. We report these things, you know. JORDAN: Yeah. NURSE: It wasn't you, was it? JORDAN: Me? No. Although I have been a little ticked off with him myself lately. NURSE: Not to intrude, but let me give you a little free advice. First, a man his age should not be running around getting sht at. JORDAN: Okay. You preacher, me choir. NURSE: Second, try not to stay mad at each other. I see a lot of people drop dad in this place. You wouldn't want to say something you can't take back. Trust me, I know. JORDAN: I appreciate the advice. MAX: She's right. JORDAN: Oh, geez. MAX: I'm not dad, am I? JORDAN: No. NURSE: We usually toss a sheet over you if you are. MAX: Where am I? JORDAN: SEM's. MAX: You didn't check me under my real name, did you? Oh, geez, Jordan. (He tries to sit up.) NURSE: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa there, big fella. MAX: I gotta get out of here, he'll find me. JORDAN: No, dad, I'm gonna get a security guard. You'll be fine. NURSE: Hey, wait, not to state the obvious here, but is there something going on that I should know about? JORDAN: You just stay with him. (Jordan looks in the corridor. Max tries to get up.) NURSE: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I said no. (Jordan walks to reception.) JORDAN: Excuse me... (Cahill walks in the corridor. Jordan sees him and goes back into the room.) NURSE: I need you to lie back. JORDAN: All right, okay, moving onto plan B. MAX: He's here, isn't he? NURSE: You know, I'm really not getting paid enough for this. JORDAN: Listen to me. Someone is trying to kll my father. We need your help. [Time lapse. Corridor. The nurse is wheeling a bed down the hallway. A body is under the blankets. Cahill comes out of a room.] CAHILL: Excuse me, sweetheart. NURSE: Visiting hours are over, sir. CAHILL: Ooh, I'm sorry, I hadn't realised. NURSE: You're gonna have to leave. We have rules. CAHILL: I'm sure you do. And I can appreciate that coming from such an attractive package as yourself. It's just I'm looking for someone. A man. NURSE: Aren't we all. CAHILL: He's a big guy. 6'5", 6'6". Blonde. NURSE: Sounding better all the time. CAHILL: Name's Cavanaugh. They said he was on the floor somewhere. NURSE: Uh, sorry, I don't work this floor. I'm here for a pickup. CAHILL: Who you got there? NURSE: This? Uh, you don't wanna be near this guy. He's highly contagious, lots of puss. CAHILL: Let me see him. (Down the corridor behind Cahill, Jordan and Max sneak out.) NURSE: Fine. Knock yourself out. (He pulls across the blankets and under them are filled bags. The police walk around the corner.) Hey, fellas, how you doing? [Scene: ME's Office. Crypt. Nigel, Bug and Lily are looking for Chris Jenkins.] NIGEL: I just think we're wasting precious time prioritising this girl, you know. She'll turn up eventually. LILY: Your daughter dies, you haven't seen her in months, but hey, why don't you let her rot in a cold dark room where no one even knows who she is. NIGEL: Come on, that's a bit dramatic, don't you think? LILY: You didn't see the look on their faces. Imagine discovering your daughter... NIGEL: In quite a messy state? (He finds the body.) You said African-American, 22, ht by a subway? I think this is your girl. (Lily sighs in relief.) BUG: That can't be Chris Jenkins because I have Chris Jenkins right here. Only this one's a he. LILY: There are two Chris Jenkins? BUG: Age 35, male Caucasian, died of a brain aneurysm. Wait a minute. List off the trace we found on your Chris Jenkins. NIGEL: No, why? BUG: Because this is looking awfully familiar. NIGEL: Multiple DNA, semen, saliva, sweat, trace cocaine... BUG: Viagra, traces of O negative blood, lice... NIGEL, BUG: Grape soda. LILY: They had the same trace evidence? NIGEL: How is that possible? [Time lapse. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel, Bug and Lily are looking at the computer.] NIGEL: When Tracey here interfaced with the barcode system, she got tripped up by two bodies having the name Chris Jenkins. Assigned the same trace for both of them. BUG: That's what we get for letting a machine do our jobs for us. NIGEL: No, the machine is state of the art, top of the line. LILY: If trace evidence is wrong, then maybe she wasn't a prosttute. NIGEL: We don't have time to determine that right now, Lily. BUG: Yeah, we'd have to do a full forensic work up. NIGEL: Guys, it's after midnight. The presentation is in eight and a half hours. We still have two hundred bodies to identify. LILY: We have to find out the truth about her. Her parents are devastated. NIGEL: Okay, fine. Second the presentation's over I'm there for you. LILY: Is that what we care about? Winning some stupid contest? NIGEL: No, it's just that if we divert our resources to work the trace on this girl... LILY: Listen to yourself. Diverting resources? That's what got us into this mess in the first place. Treating people like numbers. BUG: She's right. NIGEL: We were gonna be number one. BUG: Oh, come on, face it, Nigel. Your high tech system, it doesn't work. It sucks. And if we put this family through hell, do we really deserve to be number one? [Scene: Apartment Building. Outside apartment 317. Jordan and Max are there. Max knocks on the door. Pete opens it.] PETE: Hey, Max. MAX: Pete. PETE: Jordan. JORDAN: Hey, uncle Pete. PETE: What the hell are you two doing here? MAX: It's Cahill, Pete. He's out. They released him last week. PETE: Joe? Charlie? MAX: They're dad. PETE: dad. My god. All these years I thought we'd gotten away with it. JORDAN: Got away with what? PETE: We should never have framed him. JORDAN: I guess you must have left that part out. COMMERCIAL BREAK [Scene: Police Station. Jordan and Woody are there.] JORDAN: All right, I should have called you, but he said no cops. WOODY: He? JORDAN: It's a long story. WOODY: Jordan, I waited for you another hour. JORDAN: Can we talk about this later? We got a situation and I need your help. WOODY: (sarcastic) Oh, a situation? I didn't realise.(Max walks in behind Woody.) Let me guess, it's about your dad and he's been abducted by aliens... MAX: I'd take an alien abduction right about now. And it's nice to see the two of you are still getting along so well. WOODY: Max. [Time lapse. Jordan, Max and Pete are sitting around the desk. Woody is standing up.] WOODY: So what'd you guys do? Like, plant evidence on him? JORDAN: Oh, you didn't know? That was my dad's specialty on the force. MAX: He was guilty. I don't have any regrets. JORDAN: No, of course not. MAX: We need to go on the offensive. JORDAN: Meaning what? MAX: Find him before he finds us. JORDAN: How? He's out there tracking us. WOODY: How did Cahill find you? MAX: Private Detective. JORDAN: You knew about the P.I.? MAX: He'd been sniffing around for a couple of weeks. I figured you'd hired him to find me. JORDAN: He told me he hadn't found you. MAX: Because I paid him off. Then he calls me tonight telling me you're in danger and I should meet him at the cannery. PETE: So Cahill and the P.I. were both looking for you. Cahill finds out somebody else is on your trail, gets to him, hires him to find all of us. MAX: Son of a bitch was working for Cahill. WOODY: Whoa. How do we know all this? JORDAN: Before he died he said that he didn't know Cahill would kll them. Them. He obviously knew about Charlie and Joe. WOODY: So if Cahill and the P.I. were working together, he was our only connection. MAX: A lot of good it does, he's dad. JORDAN: Well, maybe there's a paper trail. A phone number in his office that might lead us to Cahill. WOODY: All right, we'll go. You two stay here. MAX: No, no, we're going with you. JORDAN: Haven't you got yourselves in enough trouble already? (Jordan and Woody leave.) [Scene: Sherlock's Office. Jordan picks the lock and she and Woody walk in.] WOODY: I thought I was a slob. JORDAN: Okay, if I was this guy, where would I keep my files? (Jordan searches the desk.) WOODY: So where's your dad been all this time? JORDAN: I don't know. If I asked him I'm not sure I'd get a straight answer. WOODY: Why's it so hard between the two of you? JORDAN: Just lucky, I guess. WOODY: No, really, you guys are in this cosmic battle. Like everything's one giant mess. (Jordan sits on the chair. Woody leans on the desk beside her.) JORDAN: When I was about twelve I came home from school one day and I found my dad sitting on the front steps. I could tell he'd been crying. He said that he locked himself out. I thought it was so strange that he would cry over something like that. Scared the hell out of me. Of course now I know that it wasn't about locking himself out. But at the time, all I could think was that I needed to take better care of him. That I was all he had. So I guess that's kind of our problem in a nut shell. WOODY: A man likes to think that he can take care of himself. JORDAN: Especially with his own daughter. I think he's always resented needing me so much. WOODY: Sorry I was pushing you so hard earlier tonight. About us. I don't wanna be another man in your life who resents needing you. JORDAN: Since when did you become so self-actualized? WOODY: I don't know what that means but it sounds pathetic. JORDAN: No. No, actually, I think I like it. WOODY: I'm gonna go check the bedroom. (Woody walks into the bedroom and looks under the mattress. He finds a men's magazine and takes a look. The lights go out.) Jordan, what just happened? JORDAN: I think the lights went out. WOODY: Yeah, I know, but why? (Woody hits his leg on something on the way to the door. He gets to the door and it slams in his face.) Jordan! (He tries to open the door but it's locked.) Jordan! [Cut to the hallway. Jordan is struggling to free herself from Cahill's grip, as he pulls her outside.] WOODY: Jordan! Open the door! (Cahill hits Jordan in the face, knocking her out. He throws her over his shoulder and carries her out.) [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Nigel, Bug and Lily are there examining the bodies of the two Chris Jenkins.] BUG: This makes no sense. I've swabbed every inch of her body but there's no trace of the semen or the saliva. She's clean. LILY: Her parents were right. The cops took one look at her, she's black, she's in south Boston at night, she had the roll of bills. They figured she was a prosttute. NIGEL: Maybe he's the prosttute. BUG: Yeah, or a John. (Results show on the computer.) NIGEL: Whoa, Chris. You certainly got around. BUG: So what accounts for the trace that we did find on her? Alcohol, soot, tar, people matter. I mean, it doesn't exactly sound like Anne of Green Gables. NIGEL: Sounds more like she's homeless. BUG: Yeah, but her feet and nails, they are in excellent condition. (Results show up on the computer.) Wait a minute, I'm picking up something that Tracey missed. Uncomposition solid. Salt, colouring agents, coagulate, curd of animals milk. NIGEL: Cheese. BUG: Yeah, but her stomach contents were filled with soy and vegetables and... LILY: That's supposed to mean something? Cheese? NIGEL: Actually, I think it does. [Scene: Pier 43 Abandoned Cannery. Jordan and Cahill are there. Jordan is on the phone.] JORDAN: Woody. WOODY'S VOICE: Jordan, where the hell are you? Are you all right? JORDAN: Yeah, I'm okay. CAHILL: Put Max on. JORDAN: I need to speak to my dad. MAX'S VOICE: Jordan. Just tell me you're all right. JORDAN: Yeah, dad, I'm fine. There's someone here who wants to speak to you. (She hands the phone to Cahill.) CAHILL: Hello, Max. It's been a long time. MAX: I swear to god, Cahill, you hurt my daughter and I'll kll you. CAHILL: thrat don't mean much to me anymore. MAX: What do you want with her? CAHILL: Now there's a stupid question. MAX: Fine. Just tell me where. [Cut to the Police Station. Woody, Max and Pete are there.] WOODY: Where is she? What'd he say? MAX: I can't tell you. WOODY: What? MAX: It's our turn. You're staying here. PETE: He wants us. This has nothing to do with you. WOODY: Are you people nuts? MAX: He'll kll her, Woody. I'm not taking that chance. WOODY: Max, listen to me. You're not the only one who cares about her. Now we need a plan here, fellas, okay? And in order for that to work, you gotta tell me everything, and I mean everything. 'Cause I got a feeling this is a lot more complicated than you're letting on. COMMERCIAL BREAK [Scene: Pier 43 Abandoned Cannery. Max walks towards Jordan who is sitting in a chair.] MAX: You okay? (Jordan nods.) Your move, Cahill. CAHILL'S VOICE: Where's O'Mally? MAX: He's coming. CAHILL'S VOICE: Get on your knees. Now! (Max does so.) Hands behind your head. JORDAN: You shouldn't have come here, dad. He's gonna kll you. CAHILL'S VOICE: Not until I get my money. JORDAN: What money? CAHILL'S VOICE: Oh, you never told her, huh, Max? JORDAN: Tell me what? MAX: Jordan, I... JORDAN: What money? MAX: Five million dollars. CAHILL: They framed me for it. Framed me. So they could steal my money. Go ahead, tell her. MAX: All right, here's the deal. O'Mally here has a half a million of it. Show him, Pete. (Pete walks in with a suitcase. He opens it up to reveal the money.) You let Jordan go, we'll give you the rest. CAHILL: Not much of a deal, is it, Max? You get your daughter and your life. I spent thirty years behind bars. Where's my retribution? Where's my justice? I tell you what. How about I kll you all and take the half a million. (Woody sneaks along a walkway above everyone.) MAX: All right, let her go and take me. (Max stands up.) PETE: Don't do it, Max. MAX: My life for hers. JORDAN: Dad! MAX: Come on, take it or leave it! CAHILL: Fine, I'll take it. (Cahill sht Max in the chest. Jordan rushes to his side. Woody sht towards Cahill.) WOODY: Both of you stay down! (Woody runs over to Max and Jordan.) MAX: I'm all right, Jordan. I'm wearing the vest. I was trying to tell you. WOODY: You guys all right? Pete, take the flank. I'm going after him. PETE: Yeah. (Woody and Pete run off.) JORDAN: Dad, it's safe over here. (Jordan helps him to another spot.) MAX: There was no money, Jordan. Just a few thousand Woody pulled from impound. We didn't steal the five million from Cahill. We were going to but it wasn't there. Someone inside his operation must have gotten it. (They hear a gn.) [Cut to Woody. He finds Pete standing beside Cahill's body holding a gn. Woody takes the gn off Pete. Jordan and Max arrive.] PETE: He drew on me. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Lily and Mr. and Mrs. Jenkins are sitting at the table.] LILY: You were right. The file that you saw last night, it was, um... There was a glitch. MRS. JENKINS: Glitch? LILY: Sometimes evidence points in one direction and it's not until we look, really look hard, that we see that it doesn't mean what it looks like it means. MR. JENKINS: So you're saying you screwed up? LILY: Yes. [Cut to the elevator. Nigel and Bug are waiting there. Dr. Macy walks out of the elevator.] GARRET: Hey, morning, guys. I got a full night's sleep, didn't nick myself shaving, no traffic on the pipe. All signs point... What? Is there something you wanna tell me? NIGEL: Our, uh, our new barcode system, tried to access an incorrect MA, resulting in a program... GARRET: Nigel... NIGEL: It crashed. GARRET: That's bad. BUG: Which left us with three hundred John and Jane Does. GARRET: This is so bad. NIGEL: Then we could've put the whole thing back together again, but then these parents came in looking for their daughter. [Cut to the Conference Room.] LILY: Chris was in that neighbourhood because she was distributing cheese sandwiches. USDA Emergency rations to the homeless. We confirmed it with the shelter. On the behalf of this entire office, I want to offer our most heartfelt apologies. MRS. JENKINS: Thank you. [Cut to the Elevator.] NIGEL: Seems our new system lead to a erroneous conclusion about the girl. BUG: That she was a prosttute. We had no choice but to find the truth. GARRET: Which is exactly why we are the best. Took the Red Sock eighty-six years to win that world series. I'm a patient man. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Kevin Cahill. Jordan is outside looking into the room. She walks down the hallway and into her office. Max is asleep on the couch. She opens her desk drawer and slams it shut, waking Max.] MAX: Hey. JORDAN: Hi. (Max sits up.) MAX: Look, Jordan, about the money. It was a long time ago, I was young, stupid, had a wife and kid. I made practically nothing on the force. JORDAN: I don't make much either, but you don't see me robbing any banks. MAX: You know what kind of money your mother came from. How was I supposed to compete with that? I wanted a life for you, for her. JORDAN: So you were gonna steal it? MAX: But I didn't. JORDAN: Because it was gone when you got there, dad. It's hardly a moral high ground. MAX: I'm glad it wasn't there. I'm not sure I could've lived with myself if I'd gotten away with it. JORDAN: Easy for you to say now. MAX: For god sakes, Jordan. When are you gonna stop being so disappointed in me? JORDAN: When you stop being so disappointing. MAX: That's fair. (Max leaves. Sidney walks in.) SIDNEY: Hey, Jordan, that body in trace? JORDAN: Yeah, what about it? SIDNEY: The initial report said he was sht in self defense. JORDAN: That's right. SIDNEY: Okay, well, you need to take a look at this because there's GSR tattooing around the wound. Now I'm not sure self defense is what I would call it. I would say it's more like an execution. [Scene: Pete's Apartment. Jordan knocks on the door. Pete opens it.] JORDAN: Hi, Pete. PETE: Jordan. JORDAN: I just wanted to see if you were okay. PETE: I'm fine. (She sees a packed suitcase.) JORDAN: You going somewhere? PETE: Yeah, I thought I'd go down to Florida. Do a little fishing. JORDAN: I didn't know you fished. PETE: I fish. JORDAN: Aren't you gonna invite me in? PETE: No. (Jordan walks in anyway. She sees piles of money sitting there.) JORDAN: Well, I gotta hand it to you, Pete. You got will power. Sitting on it all these years. PETE: Cahill was a powerful man. Even behind bars. I always knew I had to kll him somed ay if I wanted to spend it. JORDAN: But you're not gonna spend it. Gotta turn you in. (He pulls out a gn.) PETE: I'm real sorry to hear that. JORDAN: What are you doing, Pete? PETE: Please, Jordan, just walk away. (Max walks in.) This doesn't concern you, Max. MAX: You're holding a gn and that's my daughter. I think it does. PETE: We'll split it, Max. You and me. MAX: Sorry, not interested. PETE: It's five million dollars. MAX: It's blood money. PETE: No, Max. We deserve this money, we earned it. Forty years on the force, putting our asses on the line. Day after day, year after year for no money? It wasn't fair. We earned this money. JORDAN: You were always my favourite, Pete. You'd tell those dumb jokes every time you came over for dinner. And you'd do those magic tricks that I always fell for. I used to love that. MAX: Give me the gn, Pete. (He hands over the gn.) PETE: I'm sorry. [Scene: Roof Top. Jordan is there. Max walks over to her carrying cups of soup.] MAX: I brought you some chowder. Had them put in a dash of that hot sauce you like. JORDAN: Great. How much do I owe you? MAX: I'm still your father, Jordan, I can buy you a cup of soup. JORDAN: Maybe this'll help. (She hands him an envelope. He opens it and pulls out a check.) MAX: Wh... You sold the bar, didn't you? Hell, I was a lousy businessman, anyway. So, you gonna ask me where I've been all this time or not? JORDAN: No. MAX: Not interested? JORDAN: I just don't want you to have to lie. You're here, we're both adults, and for some reason we still love each other. That's all that matters. I think we should call a truce. MAX: What have you done with my daughter? JORDAN: Dad, I'm serious. We're either wasting our time screaming at each other about the past, or avoiding each other and wonder why we're so damn lonely. I wanna throw in the towel. MAX: I wish it was that simple. JORDAN: It can be, dad. Dad, it's up to us. We've got to start over. MAX: How? How do we do that, Jordan? JORDAN: You know, I have no idea. But maybe it's, uh, us downing our chowder and going from there. MAX: To starting over? JORDAN: To starting over. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x15 - It Happened One Night"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Crypt. Jordan and a man wheel in a body. The elevator doors open and Bug, Woody and a man walk out. Bug and the man wheel in a body while Woody is busy yelling on his cell phone.] WOODY: Why, Calvin, why? Tell me why? Little question, little word, three little letters. Why? JORDAN: (to Bug) Why is he shouting? BUG: And when will he stop? Eighty-three year old male, cardiac arrest in the park. And do we have any aspirin? (Bug walks away.) WOODY: (on phone) Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. You've gotta be kidding me. How much this time? How much? No, Calvin, Calvin, listen, listen, I don't wanna judge you but you have... Hello? Hello? Calvin? (He hangs up.) JORDAN: Don't you have a brother Calvin? WOODY: Unfortunately I do, and just when I think he's getting his life back together he pulls this crap again. JORDAN: Bad with money? WOODY: Bad with everything lately. (They walk out of the crypt.) Don't get me wrong, the guy's about the best guy you'll ever meet but the kid is just an idiot. (He dials a number on his cell.) Call me back now, knucklehead. Thank you. (He hangs up.) JORDAN: Boy, nothing to do with how you talk to him? WOODY: He's due for some tough love. I've sent him to AA, NA, GA. Never seems to be able to get past three out of twelve steps in any of them. JORDAN: Which would make him MIA. (Woody's phone rings.) WOODY: Listen up, knucklehead. If you hang up on me one more time, I'm gonna come out there and... Sir, I am, I am so sorry, sir. I thought you were my, ah... Yeah, okay, got it. Got it. What's the location? Great. Once again, I am so sorry. Hello? (He hangs up.) JORDAN: Smooth. WOODY: The kid's gonna be the death of me. [Scene: Woods. Jordan gets out of her car. Woody is waiting there for her.] JORDAN: Hey. Has Calvin called you back yet? WOODY: No. That would be way too responsible. (Nigel walks up to them.) NIGEL: So, Woodrow and Calvin, hey? Jordan was telling me your parents had a fetish for old presidents? WOODY: Yeah, I was this close to be named Millard. JORDAN: Millie, Millie Hoyt. I love that. WOODY: Come on, up this way. (They walk up a muddy hill.) Alrighty. Hiker and her dog were passing through here this morning. She throws a stick into the woods for her dog to fetch and the pooch comes back with this. (He picks up a bagged bone.) We're not sure if it's human. JORDAN: It is. Uh, left femur. Male, about six foot. WOODY: He was found in that vicinity right over there. (They walk further along the hill and Jordan finds another bone. She picks it up.) JORDAN: I'd say we're looking at a text book shallow grave. (She gives the bone to Nigel.) WOODY: Rain just uncovered the entire body, huh? NIGEL: Bodies you mean. It's another left femur bone. JORDAN: So unless our victim had two left feet. WOODY: We're talking two bodies? (Nigel spots something and goes to it. It's a rib cage.) NIGEL: Okay, I'm calling Dr. Macy. WOODY: Jordan, what are we looking at here? JORDAN: Well, Millie, I'd say we have not only a shallow grave, but a very large one. WOODY: When you say large, you mean mass? JORDAN: As in mass mrder. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan and Sidney are there. Jordan is looking at x-rays of the bones. Sidney has laid out the bones on the table.] SIDNEY: (singing) The thigh bone's connected to the hip bone. JORDAN: Do you mind? I'm sorry, that singing is just driving me... SIDNEY: I-I know, it's completely disrespectful and it's completely beyond my control. (Lily walks in with a newspaper.) LILY: Well, so much for playing this below the radar. (She holds up the newspaper. It reads: "Beantown Boneyard Unburied") JORDAN: See, I told Garret he was dreaming. Not two days and already it's national news. SIDNEY: Is unburied actually a word? JORDAN: What is it they think we found? LILY: Uh, apparently we've uncovered anything from a sacred Indian burial ground to the lost remains of Jimmy Hoffer and Associates. SIDNEY: The bones haven't been there for that long. JORDAN: Well, like they care. Whatever sells papers, right? SIDNEY: Seriously, is unburied a word? (Lily and Sidney leave the room. Jordan dials a number on the phone.) JORDAN: Hey, Garret. So how's our secret holding up? [Cut to the Mass Grave Site. Two helicopters are hovering above.] GARRET: You don't have to rub it in, Jordan. The news choppers are on us like vultures. WOODY: (on the radio receiver) Tell those guys to stay above five hundred feet or the FA can come bail them out of jail. GARRET: (on phone) You got an ID on that first body yet? JORDAN: Uh, not yet. But Sidney's making a lot of headway on body number two and number three is still waiting on a skull. GARRET: Okay, it may be in this next load. Either that or it's the start of body number four. JORDAN: Wow, the hits just keep coming. Later. (Garret walks up to Nigel and Bug who are searching for bones in the soil.) GARRET: How we doing, fellas? BUG: Well, grid six yielded numerous bones, several vertebrae, various phalanges. NIGEL: And here is yet another goat too. Unless we stumbled across a herd of centaur. BUG: Centre of what? NIGEL: No, not centre, Centaur. You know, mythological creature, half-man, half-goat, plays the pan flute. BUG: That's a Minotaur and it's half-horse. NIGEL: No, it's not. A Minotaur has the body of a man and a head of a bull. A centaur has... BUG: Are you questioning me on Greek mythology? NIGEL: Yeah, I'm questioning you on Greek mythology. GARRET: Guys. Can we at least try to set an example for our student volunteers. (Woody walks over to them holding a gn holster.) WOODY: Our student volunteers, who are awesome by the way. Look what they just found up there. GARRET: A holster. WOODY: It's not a smoking gn. GARRET: But it may have held one at some point. (They walk away.) BUG: Minotaur. NIGEL: Centaur. BUG: Minotaur. NIGEL: Centaur. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Jordan is walking down it holding a bottle of water. Sidney catches up to her from behind holding a file.] SIDNEY: Hey, Jordan. So much for my serial kller theory. Dental records of our first body. We also got an immediate ht on him on a PD's database. JORDAN: Louis Villa, missing June 2002. SIDNEY: Which matches our carbon dating results. JORDAN: Check out the lengthy rap sheet. Grand larceny, conspiracy, racketeering. With alleged types of organized crime. SIDNEY: Oh, so mob job it is. You know, that was my second theory. (Lily walks up to them.) LILY: Jordan. There's a big cute guy asking for you in the lobby. JORDAN: Oh, does he happen to play for the Red Sox? LILY: His name is Calvin. He was actually looking for Woody, then he asked for you. (Jordan walks into the lobby where Calvin is waiting.) JORDAN: Calvin? CALVIN: You're Jordan? JORDAN: Yeah, hi. Um, does Woody know... CALVIN: I was trying to surprise him. Wow, you're even better looking than he says. JORDAN: Oh, well, I... CALVIN: Seriously. That's why I knew to come here. He talks about you all the time. JORDAN: Does he now? CALVIN: Yeah. You know, like a sister. JORDAN: Oh, right. (Woody walks out of the elevator.) WOODY: What the hell? CALVIN: Hey, you found me! (He grabs Woody and picks him up.) WOODY: Okay! Okay. (He puts Woody down.) I found you. What are you doing here? CALVIN: You're always inviting me, I finally figured why not. WOODY: Oh. CALVIN: If this is a bad time, I know some other people in town I can call. WOODY: No, no, no, it's just that it's a surprise. That's all. I see you've met Jordan. CALVIN: Yeah, I've met Jordan, all right. (He stares at her. Woody's phone rings.) WOODY: Okay, heal, boy, just heal. Excuse me. (on phone) This is Hoyt. (Jordan takes a sip from her water bottle.) CALVIN: So, why won't you have sex with my brother? (Jordan almost chokes.) GARRET: (on phone) We found bllts, Woody. 9mm. About a dozen so far. Discharged among the remains of a fifth body. WOODY: Um, okay, I'm on my way. Thanks. (He hangs up.) That was body number five, complete with bllts. JORDAN: Oh, bllts would help us. (Woody hands her a bag of stuff.) WOODY: Yeah, there's a holster in there, some more clothes and some more bones. JORDAN: It's definitely a mob ht. The first ID pretty much confirmed it. CALVIN: So what are we talking about here? WOODY: Um, just some mass grave across town. CALVIN: Like the one I read about in the paper on the plane? That's you guys? JORDAN: Yeah, well, it's our case. WOODY: Okay, I'm gonna take you back to my place because I have to go back to work. And that's what people do. CALVIN: Ooh, to hell with that. No, take me with you. WOODY: Can't do that, it's a crime scene. CALVIN: So? I watch TV, I won't touch anything. JORDAN: Yeah, we could use help. I mean, we do have volunteers. CALVIN: You do? Oh, come on, Woods, it'll be fun. JORDAN: Unless, of course, Woods, you wanna leave him here and I can just take him around? WOODY: No, no, no. You know what? You're gonna come with me. Let's go. (Woody heads for the elevator.) CALVIN: But let's definitely grab a bite to eat while I'm in town, Jordan. (He writes down his number.) Here's my cell. JORDAN: Definitely. WOODY: If we have time. Come on. (He drags Calvin to the elevator.) JORDAN: Who invited you? WOODY: Excuse me? JORDAN: Oh, and by the way, Woods. What's it like kissing your sister? WOODY: What? (She kisses the air. The elevator doors close.) Jordan. [Cut to inside the elevator.] CALVIN: Man, she's hot. WOODY: Stop. Okay, stop that right there. She's off limits. What are you doing here, Cal? CALVIN: Why? You want me to leave? WOODY: No, I'm not saying that. You hiding out? CALVIN: From who? WOODY: Don't you owe somebody five grand? CALVIN: Look, you're always telling me to grow up and that's what I did. I took care of it. Now what's with you and this Jordan? WOODY: Stop. Okay, stop that right there. There's a million hot women in the city you can chase. She is not one of them. CALVIN: What are you saying? She's a little... (He whistles and shakes his hand.) WOODY: She's off limits. (He pushes Calvin's hand away. Calvin pushes Woody and Woody pushes back. They grab each other.) Come on, come on, what you got? [Scene: Mass Grave Site. Garret and Woody are there.] WOODY: Even if we do match these bllts to a gn, I highly doubt that the Kllers were using registered wapon. GARRET: No, they'd never leave a gn behind. They knew enough to throw dad animals into the mix to confuse the search. (Bug walks up to them.) BUG: Hey, your brother's a funny guy, Woody. WOODY: Yeah, just not ha ha funny. (Near by, Calvin is chatting up two women.) Hey, Cal, Cal, come here. (Nigel walks up to them.) NIGEL: Hey, you ready to end the day on a high note? BUG: Did you find a pan flute? (He holds up a blade inside a clear tube.) NIGEL: No, I found this Knfe blade wedged in the soft tissue of a section of a rib cage we were bagging. Looks like a more recent kll. GARRET: Still caked with dry blood. BUG: Maybe fingerprints beneath. CALVIN: Wow, you guys can really do that stuff. WOODY: You'd be amazed at what these guys can do. GARRET: Good work, Nige. Let's start packing it up, call it a day. NIGEL: Okay. [Scene: ME's Office. Lily's Office. Lily is at her desk talking on the phone.] LILY: We'll, ma'am, I'm not sure that we can do that. But why don't you have him give us a call and then we can... Again, our sympathies. (She slams down the phone. Sidney walks in.) SIDNEY: ID on body number two. Francis Longo. Got a single gn sht to the head. Went missing seven years ago which explains the disparage and rate of decay. LILY: Another career criminal? SIDNEY: Yeah, like the first one. LILY: Hmm. SIDNEY: Why, what's up? LILY: That was Mrs. first one. And even after six years, she insists on having her lawyer pick up the remains. SIDNEY: That's what a life spending avoiding indictments will do. LILY: I'm just not used to feeling no sympathy at all. What kind of comfort can I offer? Sorry for the life of crime that your husband chose, ending up costing his own. SIDNEY: Or you just might wanna stop at sorry. (Sidney leaves. Lily picks up the phone.) LILY: Okay. [Scene: Mass Grave Site. Night. Everyone is packing up.] CALVIN: So this forensic anthropology stuff isn't nearly as dull as it sounds. NIGEL: Yeah, well, it usually doesn't include grad-school coeds majoring on a subject. BUG: Bet they know what a centaur is. NIGEL: Oh, for god's sake, would you give it up, Bug, please. You know, I'm gonna post the question on my blog, all right? And then we'll know. BUG: Then we'll know all right. (Bug walks off.) NIGEL: Hey, Cal, you don't know anything about Greek mythology? CALVIN: You serious? [Cut to Bug. He carries boxes of stuff to the van. He opens the back door and a man comes out of the dark holding a shovel.] MAN: I'll take that. (The man hits Bug hard with the shovel knocking him to the ground. He hits Bug again.) [Cut to the others.] GARRET: Let's go, Nigel. NIGEL: Right. Coming back tomorrow, Cal? CALVIN: It's up to the warden. WOODY: If he stays on good behaviour. NIGEL: See ya. (Nigel walks away.) CALVIN: Woods, can we eat now? I'm starving. WOODY: I've gotta drive by the precinct, see if the captain will give me a couple more guys to watch over night. GARRET: It's only for just a few more days. We'll have this site picked clean by then. (to Calvin) Don't you keep him out too late. (Garret walks away.) CALVIN: Good guys. WOODY: The best. (He looks at Calvin.) CALVIN: What? WOODY: You really just visiting? I mean, if there was something else you'd tell me, right? CALVIN: Of course. Would you stop? What's with this Nigel? Isn't he a little... (He whistles and waves his hand. Woody slaps it away.) WOODY: What's with you and that hand? [Cut to Nigel. He carries a box of stuff to the van. He sees Bug on the ground.] NIGEL: My god. (He drops the box.) Bug. Bug? Bug? Bug. Dr. Macy! Woody! Anybody! Help! Help! [Scene: Boston General Hospital. Emergency. Bug is laying on a bed, unconscious. Garret and Nigel are looking for evidence on him. Woody, a female doctor, and a nurse are also there.] DOCTOR: I know what a live autopsy is, doctor. But I still need room to work here. GARRET: Another minute. DOCTOR: Excuse me. WOODY: Do you think he got a look at the guy's face? NIGEL: Well, if he was awake we'd know, wouldn't we? DOCTOR: He could wake up any time. Brain injuries are hard to call. (Garret finds something on Bug's face.) And until I can complete my examination... GARRET: Okay, and we're done. NIGEL: We are? GARRET: Yeah. Unless Bug's growing grey facial hair on his scalp. NIGEL: Listen, I think I prefer to stay here if you don't mind. He shouldn't be alone. [Cut to the corridor. Jordan and Lily run up to Garret, Woody and Calvin.] LILY: Where is he? GARRET: Calm down, he's gonna be fine. (Lily goes into the room.) GARRET: Paramedics thought he might have a skull fracture. We'll know more after a CAT scan. JORDAN: How could this happen? WOODY: We just let our guard down. Uniforms are scouring the woods as we speak. JORDAN: The woods? We know what this is. We have a family here who obviously doesn't want us digging skeletons out of the closet. That's where you should be searching first. WOODY:We will, Jordan. We will. JORDAN: What'd this guy take? WOODY: Half a day's worth of evidence, clothes, bones, bllet fragments. CALVIN: The Knfe blade? GARRET: No. That I held onto. (He pulls it out of his pocket.) JORDAN: There's gotta be a print under all that. GARRET: If it's got one, I'm gonna find it. JORDAN: (to Calvin) See all the fun you're missing? (Jordan walks away.) CALVIN: Yeah, a barrel of monkeys. [Scene: Woody's Apartment. Woody is there picking up clothes off the floor. Shower water running is heard from the bathroom.] WOODY: Cal, you gotta start to pick your crap up, okay? I'm not picking up after you all week. I'm a cop, not a cleaning service. (Calvin's phone rings.) You want this? Calvin, your phone is ringing. (Woody answers it.) Calvin's phone. Um, no, he's not, he's in the shower. Can I take a message? Yeah. Okay, and who is this? All right, you got it. (He hangs up. Calvin comes out of the bathroom.) Calvin, some guy named Albie just called for you. CALVIN: Oh, yeah? Why are you answering my phone? WOODY: It was ringing and, uh... Who is he? CALVIN: Just a buddy from home. WOODY: The caller ID said that is was local. CALVIN: See, why you doing this? WOODY: Doing what? I'm just saying... CALVIN: He's from back home, okay. He lives here now. You want me to stay with him? WOODY: No, I-I don't want that. I would love for you to stay here. CALVIN: Well, you got a funny way of showing it. Questioning my every move like nothing's changed. WOODY: What has changed, Calvin? Huh? What has changed? You call me up looking for $5000 and when I tell you I don't have it, you hang up on me. Then you show up out of the blue and you don't need it all of a sudden? CALVIN: I told you I took care of it. WOODY: Well, I'm sorry I haven't turned over the same new leaf as you. Old habits I guess. But let me tell you something. If it wasn't for me keeping tabs, you would've been dad years ago. CALVIN: Like you'd ever let me forget it. Look, I appreciate you raising me, Woody, really, I do. But I can take it from here. (Woody's phone rings. He answers it.) WOODY: Hello? Hey, Jordan. What? What? CALVIN: What? WOODY: I'm on my way. (He hangs up.) They got a lead on our guy. CALVIN: Already? WOODY: I told you, they're good. We'll continue this later. Please don't play with any matches. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan is there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Look who is burning the midnight oil. JORDAN: I will sleep when we catch this creep. Hey, I'm a poet and I didn't even know it. WOODY: Yeah, and you're not punchy at all. It's amazing how fast you got this DNA. JORDAN: Facial hair. Lots of blood cells. We drew a blank with our database. Cross-referenced with Interpol, got ht right away. Just waiting on a name. WOODY: Interpol. The world's getting smaller and smaller every day. JORDAN: Speaking of. How's your visitor? WOODY: Oh. Please, don't even get me started. JORDAN: Oh, stop. The guy's a teddy bear. WOODY: Yeah, that's half his problem right there. He's too lovable. People jump at the chance to cuddle him. Gotta take care of the baby, make sure the baby's okay. JORDAN: The baby just lost his parents. WOODY: So did his big brother. I'm the biggest offender. Constantly bailing his ass out of trouble. Until one day the baby never learned to take care of himself. He swears he's changed but I don't know. JORDAN: It's hard to let go. (Nigel walks in.) How's Bug? NIGEL: No change. Lily's with him right now and I'm feeling useless so I figured I'd be more use here. (The computer beeps.) JOrDAN: Okay, here we go. Vilson Ahmeti. Albanian National, spent three years in a Yugoslav prison, disappeared after the wr. WOODY: Albanian mob. Makes sense, they've been growing out here for years. Squeezing out the more established crime families. First they work for them, then they decide if they can compete. NIGEL: So the bones we've been digging up have been the losers of that competition. WOODY: Yeah, I know a few Albanian hangouts in what used to be Italian neighbourhoods. JORDAN: I thought it was an in-house feud. Turns out it's between two houses. WOODY: Bad guys being rubbed out by worse guys. NIGEL: I'm coming with you. [Scene: A Bar. Woody and Nigel walk in. The place is full of people.] WOODY: Last spot, Nige. It's 2am. NIGEL: Why? I'm not tired. (A man walks up to them.) MAN: Bar's closed, guys. NIGEL: I still see a lot of people. MAN: Private party. WOODY: Not for us it isn't. (He shows his badge.) MAN: Can I help you, gentlemen? WOODY: I don't know. Can you? MAN: Well, if you promise not to tell the cops, you're welcome to come in for a drink. WOODY: Guess this is your place? MAN: One of them, yes. NIGEL: Ever see this bloke? (He holds up the Interpol photo.) MAN: I don't believe so, no. WOODY: You mind if we ask around a little bit? MAN: No, go ahead. It's a free country. WOODY: Same drill, Nige. I'll be watching the door. (Nigel walks away.) MAN: Sam Harby. WOODY: Detective Hoyt. What? SAM: You just look familiar. WOODY: I've probably collared a few of your patrons over the years. SAM: Oh, yes. We do our best to keep out the riff raff. It's not easy in this business. You know, I've been here nine years. WOODY: From... SAM: The Balkans. WOODY: Oh, you don't have an accent. SAM: I'm American now. And proud of it. I tell you, hard work, creativity, and a little bit of luck. A man in this country can lift himself from his past and begin again. Like nowhere else on earth. WOODY: Yeah, I guess a man can do that here, can't he? [Cut to Nigel. He shows around the photo.] NIGEL: Excuse me, have you seen this person? (Vilson, sitting near by, gets up and punches Nigel in the face. Nigel fights back.) Woody! WOODY: Police! (He runs towards them.) Boston PD! (Vilson runs out the back door.) Are you all right? NIGEL: Get him! It's him, it's him! Get him! (Woody runs after Vilson.) [Cut to outside. Vilson runs down the street. Woody runs after him.] WOODY: Come here! Stop! Police! Freeze! (Vilson climbs up the ladder to the roof top.) Come on, I hate heights. Please. (Woody climbs up the ladder. Nigel arrives.) NIGEL: sht him, Woody. WOODY: I'm not gonna sht anybody. Just call 911 and get me some back up. (Nigel dials 911 on his cell.) NIGEL: I need some back up. (Vilson runs along the roof and jumps onto another. Woody looks down.) WOODY: Oh, man. (He jumps onto the next roof and follows Vilson.) Stop. Stop, right there. Just stop. There's no place else to go. (They stop.) Now turn around real slow like, and I want your face on the ground. Now. Now. (Vilson stands up on the ledge.) Whoa, easy, easy. Come on, now, easy. VILSON: I'll sooner bow before god. (He steps back and starts to fall. Woody grabs his hand and Vilson is now dangling over the edge.) WOODY: What is wrong with you? NIGEL: Back up's on their way, Woody. WOODY: Thank you, Nigel. VILSON: We can't be beaten. WOODY: Fine, great, whatever, buddy. Why don't you help me help you, okay. Why do you wanna do this? VILSON: For honour. (Sirens are heard.) For family. (Vilson frees himself from Woody's grip and falls.) WOODY: No! [Scene: Boston General Hospital. Bug is still unconscious. Nigel is talking to him.] NIGEL: It was some sort of Albanian gangster. Came at me real hard, you know, like he knew I was coming. ht the pavement real hard too. Three floors. I'd say justice was done. Anyway, FBI's pitching in with the dig now, so Dr. Macy said I could stick around in here with you until you wake up. DOCTOR: Couldn't help hearing. I don't know about justice. Your friend's alive after all. NIGEL: Yeah, but when's he gonna wake up? (Nigel sighs.) [Scene: ME's Office. Lily's sitting at Bug's desk, talking on the phone. Sidney walks up to her.] LILY: Okay, Nigel. Well, would you call me first thing? I'll be there after work. Okay, bye. (She hangs up.) It's not a coma. The CAT scan came back negative. Nothing anyone can do except wait. SIDNEY: Well, not to ruin your good mood. (He hands her some files.) LILY: More notifications? SIDNEY: Yeah, we're up to five positive IDs. All with criminal histories. All buried in the same area over an eight year span. LILY: And I'll get the same response from their families. Nobody knows nothing. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Garret and Woody are there. Garret is dusting the blade for fingerprints. Sidney walks in.] SIDNEY: Your turn, Woods. Whatcha got for me? WOODY: What up, Sidney? This used to be the cell phone of our late Mr. nose dive. (He hands Sidney a plastic bag which contains a smashed up cell phone.) SIDNEY: So much for shock resistant. WOODY: Do you find a call log in that mess? Maybe all the calls he made and received in the last twenty-four hours? SIDNEY: Man, I can get you forty-eight while blind folded and juggling with my free hand. (Sidney walks away.) WOODY: So this takes a while, huh? GARRET: One wrong stroke with the brush, I could lose whatever clue it might have. Where's your brother? WOODY: Jordan's giving him the coaxed tour. GARRET: Does he have the stomach for it? WOODY: She's about to find out. I gotta tell you, Dr. Macy. This guy last night, just before he fell. The look in his eyes. There wasn't a trace of fear. GARRET: These guys have the reputation of being tough. Once Yugoslavia broke up, a lot of them came here and just got tougher. WOODY: Yeah, but what he said about family and honour. I mean, this guy chose death over letting me squeeze him into ratting out a couple of his people. That's way more than tough. GARRET: Yeah. It's dangerous. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Jordan is showing Calvin the computer. The computer is flicking through different people as it searches the database.] JORDAN: We ID them by cross referencing the dental records with the police database. CALVIN: And they all turned out to be gangsters? JORDAN: Well, there's still a few we don't know about yet. We try not to judge by association. God knows a lot of my friends are along way from sane hood. CALVIN: You should tell my brother that sometimes. JORDAN: Well, he's closer to sane hood than most. CALVIN: Don't I know it. JORDAN: But I imagine it took you years of training to get him that way. CALVIN: You have no idea. (Woody walks in.) WOODY: All right, tour's over. Let's go. JORDAN: No way, we were just getting cosy. WOODY: Well, damn my perfect timing. CALVIN: Ever since I snaked his prom date, the guy's been watching me like a hawk. WOODY: And that is funny. I believe I dumped her first. CALVIN: I believe you believe that. WOODY: I know that. Mary Alice Mackenzie was a lot of things but a cheater she was not. CALVIN: I'm not saying she was. WOODY: I know exactly what you're implying. CALVIN: I'm not implying anything. (They argue and talk over the top of each other.) JORDAN: Girls! Girls! (They stop.) Please. You're both pretty. We were just getting to the really gory stuff, Woody. It's the best part. WOODY: Fine. I'll just go check on our jumper's phone records. Five minutes. Don't let him touch anything. (Woody leaves.) JORDAN: So, Mary Alice Mackenzie? (They walk out of the room.) Okay, last stop, the crypt. As it is for most. (They walk past Forensic Laboratory.) CALVIN: Tell me, what are they doing in there? Woody said something about phone records? JORDAN: Yeah, of the guy who asault Bug and stole evidence. That's his cell phone on the cradle there. No next of kin showed up so I guess your brother and Sidney are trying to find all the contacts he made before he died. CALVIN: You can do that, huh? JORDAN: Yeah. You okay? CALVIN: Little queasy, I guess. JORDAN: Ah, it's always the big guys. CALVIN: I just remembered, I gotta be somewhere. Thanks, Jordan. That was fun. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory.] WOODY: You got any brothers or sisters, Sidney? SIDNEY: One of each. Big brother, little sister. WOODY: Middle child. SIDNEY: Hey, we try harder. WOODY: You guys get along? SIDNEY: Yeah, like family. WOODY: Seriously. SIDNEY: I am serious. We talk almost everyday. I'd be lost without them. (The phone records show up on the screen.) Here you go. Complete phone records from the last six days. I got a little greedy. Mostly local calls, a few overseas, and what's this area code? 920. 920, Wisconsin. WOODY: My god. SIDNEY: What? (Woody heads for the door.) Woody? [Cut to Woody's Apartment. Calvin is packing his bag. Woody walks in.] CALVIN: Hey, I was gonna call. WOODY: Jordan said you left in a hurry. CALVIN: Yeah, something came up. I gotta fly home. This buddy of mine... WOODY: Your buddy Albie? Sorry, what'd you say? CALVIN: Nobody was supposed to get hurt. (Woody grabs him and pushes him against the wall.) WOODY: Nobody? Nobody? These people are my friends, Calvin! They're not nobody! CALVIN: I'm sorry! Let me explain. WOODY: You're gonna explain. CALVIN: It was the five grand I owed, all right? WOODY: I knew it, I knew it. What are we talking? Drugs, gambling, maybe a little bit of both? Maybe you rolled what you owed for dope into some no brainer, right? CALVIN: The Bucks given free points to Colts at home. It was money in hand. If not for this three point sht at the buzzer. These guys are bad news, Woody. Out of Chicago, I never met them. They would've hurt me if I didn't have this money, klled me maybe. WOODY: Maybe? You are so stupid. So, what, these guys in Chicago have some connection to my bad guys here? Same family? CALVIN: Cousins they said. They wanted their money real bad and when you said no... WOODY: Do not put this on me. CALVIN: I knew I had to handle it. And when news broke about you guys finding the bones, they cut me a deal. WOODY: So you were sent here to spy on us. CALVIN: I made a couple of phone calls, that's it. WOODY: To this Albie guy. CALVIN: Who I've never laid eyes on. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. If you think for a second I had done it, if I thought someone was going to get hurt. I'm sorry, Woody. Please, I'm sorry. WOODY: Give me Albie's phone number. (Calvin pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.) CALVIN: Just don't pull the trigger until I leave town. I don't want him thinking... WOODY: Him? You're worried about him? I'm breaking the law here. You should be looking at five to fifteen mandatory. CALVIN: I just made a couple of phone calls, that's it. WOODY: You just don't get it, do you? You just don't get it. CALVIN: I'll make it up to you, Woody. WOODY: Get out of here. CALVIN: What? WOODY: Just go home. CALVIN: Woody. WOODY: Now! Just go home! (Calvin leaves.) [Scene: Woody's Apartment. Woody is laying on the couch. The phone rings and the machine picks up.] MACHINE: Hey, this is Woody. You know how these things work. JORDAN'S VOICE: Hey, guys, it's me, Jordan. I'm just checking in on you. Seeing if anybody's in jail yet. Need any bail money? (Woody picks up the phone.) WOODY: Hey. JORDAN: Hey, you're there. So, how was Cal? WOODY: He went home. JORDAN: What? Why? WOODY: He had to go do something. One of his buddies... I don't know. JORDAN: You had a fight. WOODY: Yes, Kreskin, we had a fight. JORDAN: Is there anything I can do to help? WOODY: I just can't do it, Jordan. I can't help him anymore. JORDAN: Of course you can. Put yourself in his shoes. You're a lot to live up to. WOODY: All right, can we stop with this phone therapy now? JORDAN: I'm just saying you should clear the air first before he leaves town. WOODY: Okay, thank you for the free advice. I'm coming down to the morgue right now. I'll see you in a few. [Cut to the ME's Office. Jordan's Office.] JORDAN: Okay, I'll see ya. (Lily walks in.) LILY: Everything okay? JORDAN: Yeah, nothing but a little intervention won't fix. LILY: Some might call that meddling. JORDAN: Some might and some might be right. Hey, I'm becoming a regular Dr. Seuss. LILY: Why, Jordan? It's a long term family conflict. Why would you get in the middle? JORDAN: Because as you once told me, if you can help, then it's your moral obligation to help. LILY: I do say that, don't I? Well, then if anybody needs me, I'll be at the hospital with Bug and Nigel. (Lily leaves. Jordan dials the phone.) JORDAN: Hey, Cal. Hi, it's Jordan, how you doing? Look, are you still up for grabbing that bite? [Cut to the Lobby. Lily heads for the elevator.] MISS LONGO: Excuse me, can you help me? LILY: Uh, actually, I'm... MISS LONGO: I'm here about my father. The name's Longo. Francis Longo. LILY: Yes, we left a message for you yesterday. MISS LONGO: At my mother's house, yeah. She couldn't bring herself to call you back. LILY: That's not that uncommon. MISS LONGO: We saw on the news about the bones in the field. People you found. Do you really think he might be one of them? LILY: The FBI is still gathering remains but we've matched your father's criminal... I mean, the-the record that he had with the state. MISS LONGO: It's okay. I know what he was. [Time lapse. Lily, Sidney and Miss Longo are there. The bones of her father are laying on a gurney covered by a sheet.] MISS LONGO: And every night he'd lecture my brother and me about finishing school. He said it was the only thing that made what he did worth while. He really grew to hate the life towards the end. That was eight years ago and then one night he just never came home. SIDNEY: Did you think he was dad? MISS LONGO: We knew that he was. He'd never just leave. He and my mum were high school sweethearts. (Lily hands her a plastic bag with items inside.) LILY: These were found with your dad. MISS LONGO: Can I just have a minute? (Lily and Sidney walk across the room.) [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Garret is there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Hey. GARRET: Hey, where you been? WOODY: Ah, you know, just... (He sees a fingerprint image on the computer.) Is that what I think it is? GARRET: Three quarter pinky print near where the Knfe handle broke off. WOODY: Doc, you did it. This is huge. GARRET: Don't get too excited. Our database had nothing and Interpol's been searching for an hour. Still no hits. WOODY: Come on, come on! (Woody bangs his hand on the table. The computer finds a match.) GARRET: What are you, Fonzie? Halabi, Samad, born 1967, Peja, Kosova. WOODY: Wait a minute, I know this guy. GARRET: Look at this record. How'd he even get in this country? WOODY: Hard work, creativity and luck. A man can begin again here like no place else on earth. He owns a bar in the northend. GARRET: What name does he use there? He's got a bunch of them listed here. Sam Alberts, Albert Samuel... GARRET, WOODY: Albie Samson. [Scene: Bar. Calvin is sitting at the bar. Jordan walks in and sits beside him.] JORDAN: Cal. So how'd you find this place? CALVIN: I'm not able to stay. I'm meeting an old buddy real quick. He owes me some money and, well, frankly it's my airfare home. JORDAN: So you're serious. You're just gonna leave? CALVIN: What else can I do? It's just as well, I mean, you're off limits. JORDAN: Excuse me? CALVIN: Woody said I can help myself to any girl in Boston except for Jordan. With that girl's consent, of course. JORDAN: Of course, yeah. He said that? CALVIN: I don't know what his problem is. Besides me. JORDAN: So you two really got into it, huh? CALVIN: He didn't tell you why? JORDAN: No. Uh, well, nothing specific. CALVIN: Good. JORDAN: Cal, the guy loves you so much. I know he acts tough on the outside but on the inside he's aching for you. When you love somebody that much you can't just toss it away. CALVIN: He was right to throw me out. Woody's got this soft spot I've been taking advantage of my whole life. I can't do it to him anymore. He's better of without me. (Albie walks up to Calvin.) ALBIE: Calvin. CALVIN: Albie. ALBIE: (to Jordan) Albie Samson. CALVIN: This is Jordan. Nice to finally meet you, Albie. JORDAN: Oh, I thought you said that you two were old buddies. ALBIE: Well, we have some old buddies in common. Cal and I, huh? Cousins of mine. CALVIN: Look, Albie, we really can't stay that long. Um, did you bring, uh... ALBIE: Oh, what am I. An ATM? Sure, come on back. (to Jordan) You mind waiting here? JORDAN: No, of course not. ALBIE: We'll only be a minute. (Calvin and Albie walk away. Jordan's cell rings.) JORDAN: Yes, Woody, what is it? WOODY: Jordan, where are you? Is he with you? JORDAN: And by he you would mean... WOODY: Stop, okay? Lily told me that you called him. Calvin could be in deep trouble. If you're with him so are you. JORDAN: What kind of trouble? [Cut to the Store Room. Calvin and Albie walk in.] ALBIE: Well, I can't believe, Calvin, you called. To think that I would owe you anything. CALVIN: But Albie, you called me. ALBIE: And your greed made you come. In spite of the fact that you failed miserably. CALVIN: I did what you asked. ALBIE: Yet the bones have been dug, the evidence collected, and my brother is dad. CALVIN: Your brother? (Jordan walks in.) ALBIE: We are all brothers, my people. It's a code of honour and loyalty, you Americans fail to grasp time and again. CALVIN: Well, I warned him, Albie. I told him to lay low. JORDAN: Excuse me, guys. Um, Calvin. Sorry to rush you, baby, but you know what, it is your last night here after all and I was hoping to at least get a little quality time. CALVIN: Jordan, don't. Would you just wait out there? ALBIE: No, stay. (He points a gn at her.) Is this what would hurt you more? CALVIN: No, she means nothing to me. I barely know her. She's my brother's girl. ALBIE: Your brother? The detective? That's even better. CALVIN: Take me, Albie. Do you really wanna hurt us both? My brother and me. JORDAN: Cops are on their way, Albie. ALBIE: I'm sure they are. (Woody sneaks in.) CALVIN: Take me, Albie. I'm everything to my brother. I'm all he's got in the world. JORDAN: You pull that trigger and you will get caught. ALBIE: You think so? Let's find out. (Calvin grabs Albie's arm and Woody sh*t Albie. They fall through a glass door. Jordan and Woody rush over to them.) CALVIN: Nice sht. [Time lapse. Albie is on a stretcher. The cops have arrived. Woody handcuffs Albie to the stretcher.] ALBIE: I will die. I'm prepared. WOODY: Well, it doesn't look like it's gonna happen today. How do you feel about life in prison though? Get him outta here. JORDAN: I told him you were coming. You almost made a liar out of me. WOODY: You okay? JORDAN: Yeah. CALVIN: Guess you're wrong, Woody. You said you'd never bail me out again. WOODY: I didn't come for you. I came for Jordan. JORDAN: Woody. WOODY: Nothing's changed, Cal. Go home. [Scene: Hospital. Nigel walks in with a bag of food. Bug slowly wakes up.] NIGEL: There you are. Hey. You've been thrat to wake up close to an hour now. BUG: I go from seeing Iris to you. NIGEL: What? BUG: Iris. The girl in payroll. She came to me in a dream. Quite naked. Sporting the head of a bull. She said "I am a Minotaur." And I'm pretty sure she had her way with me. NIGEL: Excellent. Bull's head or not, how many chances do you get with Iris? And my bloggers were emphatically behind you that centaurs are half horse and not half goat, so... I guess we were both right. BUG: How long was I out? NIGEL: Twenty-six hours. But we caught the guy. BUG: I know. NIGEL: You know? BUG: I heard you. Vaguely. Am I dying and you're not telling me? (Nigel laughs.) NIGEL: No, of course not. Why? BUG: You're being too nice. What is it? NIGEL: I don't know, it's just... BUG: You've really been here the whole time? NIGEL: Well, you know, there's not much else to do. You know, with FBI stepping in and all, so... It just never occurred to me before, you know, what we have at the morgue, all of us. We're like a family. Just no more scares, all right? (Lily walks in.) LILY: Hey. Oh my god. You're awake. BUG: Unless I'm still dreaming. LILY: Oh, Bug. You had us so worried. (She kisses him on the cheek.) BUG: Oww. LILY: I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Oh, this is so great. I'm gonna go call the morgue. (She leaves the room.) NIGEL: Anyone care to celebrate with some crispy eel from Sushi Garden? BUG: Is that what smells? NIGEL: What are you talking about? It's your favourite. BUG: Actually, it's your fav ourite. NIGEL: No, you order it every time. BUG: You order it every time. NIGEL: No, you order it. We always go to the restaurant, we pick up the menu and I say "Do you want the crispy eel?", and you say "Yeah, I'll have the crispy eel." BUG: I never want the eel, I want the spicy tuna roll. NIGEL: No, you eat the crispy eel, I have the spicy tuna roll. Who are you? Wake up. [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. Jordan, Garret and Woody are there. Garret is on the phone. Jordan and Woody are sitting on the couch.] GARRET: Thanks a lot. (He hangs up.) Well, he's awake. Lily's already refereeing apparently. Anyone care to join me? JORDAN: I'll meet you there in a little while. GARRET: Listen, nice work, guys. WOODY: Back atcha, doc. (Garret leaves.) JORDAN: You know you'll see him again. WOODY: Not anytime soon. Not if I can help it. JORDAN: Yeah, you can say that but... WOODY: I heard what he said, Jordan. As I was lining up my sht, I heard what he said to the guy about being everything to me and all I got in this world. JORDAN: He was trying to save me. WOODY: I know that. And that's the kind of guy he is inside. Which is what makes it so hard. Because he's right. He's always been everything to me and in this crazy world where crazy things happen, he's all I had. But when he said it this time, I know I was distracted, but it didn't mean a thing to me. Like it wasn't true anymore. JORDAN: Well, I don't know about that. (She puts her arm around him.) But I do know what's true, that he's not the only thing you've got in this world. (He takes her hand and they smile.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x16 - Skin and Bone"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Jordan and Lily walk out of the elevator.] JORDAN: And there's Nigel making these balloon animals out of somebody's small intestine. (Garret walks past them.) GARRET: What? JORDAN: Dream. LILY: Nightmare. GARRET: I'm gonna be out most of the morning. Jordan, I need you to finish the procedure I started, and autopsy too. My notes are on the table. JORDAN: Okay, what's up? (Rene Walcott steps out of the elevator.) RENE: (to Garret) Since I had to spring it on you at the last minute, I thought I should at least offer you a lift. (Garret walks into the elevator.) LILY: Are they getting back together? JORDAN: At 9am on a Tuesday? LILY: He's wearing a tie she game him. JORDAN: Well, maybe he just likes it. Lily, you're not still smitten with Garret, are you? LILY: No, but Rene Walcott is. JORDAN: Ah, I wish her good luck. I mean, having another man's child while she's seeing Garret. Who is a little old fashioned. LILY: Still, he's wearing that tie. [Scene: Courtroom. Garret is on the stand.] GARRET: That was then. Things are different now. RENE: Could you explain that? GARRET: Twenty-six years ago there was no reliable way to analyze and match DNA. Now there is. (Emmett Parker stands up.) EMMETT: Your Honor, my client has served twenty-six years for robbery. And that conviction has now been over turned. And he can not be charged for these old mrder no matter what Dr. Macy finds because he has a deal. JUDGE: Sit down, Mr. Parker. RENE: How long will it take your office to collect and test DNA samples from the evidence that's in storage? GARRET: Depends... EMMETT: They don't even know if the kller left any DNA on the victims. RENE: Fourteen victims, fourteen women viciously sab to death, their bodies dumped in various locations. What are the chances, Dr. Macy, that the kller left no trace? GARRET: Zero. Question is whether or not we can find it after all this time. RENE: Thank you. JUDGE: Mr. Parker. EMMETT: My client made a deal with the DA's office twenty-six years ago... RENE: His client is lucky that I wasn't District Attorney at the time. EMMETT: That he was given total immunity for the mrder which he did not commit. RENE: After he was given immunity he confessed. EMMETT: He made it up. RENE: How did he know where the bodies were? JUDGE: That's enough. Both of you. Let's sum up here. Ms. Walcott. RENE: I am asking that the immunity agreement be vacated and that the prisoner be held in custody while the Medical Examiner's Office conducts tests pursuant to my bringing mrder charges against this man. JUDGE: Mr. Parker. EMMETT: Without plea bargaining, the justice system would collapse under its own weight. Who's gonna make a deal that can be over turned on a whim decades later. That aside, my client has been a model prisoner and has served two and a half decades of a wrongful conviction. Basic fairness should be enough to decide in his favor. JUDGE: Ms. Walcott, I will not at this time vacate the plea agreement. I will, however, hold the prisoner in custody while Dr. Macy conducts certain tests. You have until tomorrow, Dr. Macy. RENE: Your Honor... JUDGE: Till tomorrow to assess this state of the evidence. GARRET: Your Honor, DNA analysis takes time. JUDGE: The prisoner will be remanded for now, and will reconvene at 2:30 tomorrow. (He bangs the mallet. Guards walk over to Emmett and handcuff him.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Garret, Nigel, Bug and Lily are there. Photos of women are up on the screen.] GARRET: All right, we've got twenty-three hours. The District Attorney and I prioritized the fourteen cases and we are gonna start with this one. Marcy Strauss. She was twenty-seven when she died. JORDAN: Why is she first? GARRET: This is the only body left at the crime scene. Is more to work with. There was also an eye witness to this one. LILY: Did the witness ID Emmett Parker as the kller? (Woody walks in.) WOODY: No. Because the witness never came forward. GARRET: He called it in but the cops never found him. WOODY: (to Nigel) So it is you and me, bro, trying to track down a ghost from some scratchy old 911 tape. NIGEL: Great. I do love a challenge, bro. GARRET: We're looking for anything that can help, specifically the kller's DNA. Lily, track down Marcy Strauss' relatives, will you? They deserve to know what's going on. (to Jordan) There should be a sample of the victim's blood in there. Let's analyze her DNA so we have it for comparison. Just check every sample we give you for a Y chromosome. If it's not male, we're not interested. JORDAN: It'll take more than one day just to eliminate her blood. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Nigel and Woody are there. They are listening to the 911 tape.] FEMALE VOICE: 911. What is your emergency? MALE VOICE: Yeah, there is a guy sab a woman at 1347 Oakcry. FEMALE VOICE: What is your name, sir? MALE VOICE: He's around 6', blonde, uh, jeans, dark blue breaker. FEMALE VOICE: Yes, thank you, sir. Can I please have your name? MALE VOICE: What the hell? Are you gonna send somebody or not? FEMALE VOICE: Yes, sir, the police are on their way. Now I need you to calm down and stay on the line. Tell me where you were and exactly what you saw. (Sirens are heard.) MALE VOICE: I yelled at him and he... (He hangs up.) FEMALE VOICE: Sir? Hello, are you there? Sir? Hello? WOODY: He took out of there like a scolded duck when he heard the siren. NIGEL: Perhaps he was up to no good. WOODY: This gives me hope. If the incident reports from back then have not been shredded, I may, I may just get lucky. NIGEL: Yep, well, you'll need to be lucky. Look, Woody, I can digitize and analyze the living hell out of this, but you've got to bring me something to compare it with. Okay? [Cut to Lily's Office. Lily is there typing on the computer. Matt walks in.] MATT: Hey. LILY: Matt. MATT: Had a double homicide down in Southeast, so I'm here to observe this slicing and dicing. LILY: You got any detective tricks for finding people who aren't where they used to be? MATT: You probably know as much about it as I do. (He moves closer to her.) But I'd be happy to do what I can to fulfill your needs. (They stare at each other. Lily's mum walks in.) ARLENE: Not dating the boss anymore, Lily? MATT: Excuse me? ARLENE: Oh, this one's cute. (Lily laughs and goes over to her.) LILY: Wow. (They hug.) ARLENE: Hi. Aren't you gonna introduce us? LILY: Matt Seely, my mother. MATT: Oh, hi. ARLENE: Come here. (She hugs him. She sees his badge on his belt.) Oh, a detective. Wow. LILY: Matt, could you excuse us, please? Please. MATT: Sure. Uh, it was nice to meet you. (Matt leaves the room.) LILY: Mum? ARLENE: I know, you are working, which I'll never understand but, just give me your keys and I'll get out of your way. LILY: Last time I gave you my car keys you and my car disappeared for three days. And the last time I gave you my house keys, I came home to find a tattooed felon in his underwear eating my food and scratching himself. ARLENE: How was I supposed to know he was a felon? LILY: Why are you here, mum? ARLENE: Your brother is in Italy on a pizza tour. I thought it was the perfect time to come and see you. LILY: You couldn't call first? ARLENE: I'm your mother. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Garret and Bug are there.] JORDAN: "I saw her on the street. She was with a friend. We made eye contact and I knew. I always know." Look at the size of this confession. The detail. If the knew Emmett Parker was the kller, why'd they give him immunity for fourteen mrder? GARRET: It's the only way they could get him off the street. He plead to robbery in exchange for a pass on the mrder. BUG: Why would they let him do that? It makes no sense. GARRET: Well, they wanted closure for the families. They couldn't find the bodies without Parker's help, which he wouldn't give without the immunity. JORDAN: Why'd they overturn the robbery conviction? GARRET: Appellate court rolled, the guilty plea was coerced. Keep looking for something that's gonna help us. JORDAN: "She'd been to the gym with a friend. I followed her to her house. I got lucky. You know what they say. You make your own luck." I want this guy. I want his head on a tray. BUG: The saliva sample we pulled from the victim's sweatshirt. Y chromosome. It's male. GARRET: Run a full analysis. I'll call the DA. She'll get a court order. They're holding Parker at County Jail. You go there and get a swab from him. JORDAN: Garret, DA? District Attorney? She doesn't have a name anymore? GARRET: Just get the sample. [Cut to the Corridor. Lily and Arlene are walking down it carrying suitcases. Garret walks past.] ARLENE: Oh, hello. Hello, Dr. Macy. LILY: You've met my mother. GARRET: Mrs. Lebowski. Where you going? LILY: Uh, to put her in a cab. ARLENE: Sending me back to Pennsylvania. This heartless child can't even welcome her own mother for a tiny visit.(Garret walks off.) Rough. Mysterious. Just like your father. LILY: Which one? (They walk into the lobby. Matt is waiting for an elevator.) ARLENE: Matt. Matt. Matt. It is Matt, isn't it? MATT: Yes. Let me take that for you. (He takes her bag.) ARLENE: Oh, thank you. Let me tell you some things about Lily. (Matt and Arlene step into the elevator. Lily follows and the doors close on her.) LILY: I'm okay. [Cut to outside. Lily, Matt and Arlene walk out of the building and onto the sidewalk.] ARLENE: So it's not that she's unwomanly exactly, it's just that she doesn't know how to present herself to the best advantage. LILY: Mum, shut up. Shut up. MATT: Let me get a cab. (Matt walks away.) LILY: I don't need your help. ARLENE: Dear, you have never been able to hold onto a man. LILY: I am not trying to hold onto him. ARLENE: You are not getting any younger, Lily. LILY: Oh, so I should be you? Jump anything with a pulse and a penis? (Matt hails a cab across the street. Arlene steps onto the road and is ht by a car. The car drives off.) Mum! (Matt and Lily run over to her.) Oh, god. (Matt dials his cell.) MATT: Detective Seely, BPD. I need paramedics to the Medical Examiners building right now. LILY: Mum. [Scene: County Lockup. Jordan and Rene are there. Jordan is preparing to take a swab sample. A guard brings in Emmett.] EMMETT: So, your elves found something. JORDAN: I'm Dr. Cavanaugh. I'm here to take a DNA sample. Could you sit down? (He does so.) EMMETT: I want details about what's going on. RENE: The judge has issued an order for you to submit DNA for testing. EMMETT: Testing against what? What did you find? JORDAN: We found DNA on one of the victim's clothing that wasn't hers. Open your mouth, please. (Jordan swabs inside his mouth.) EMMETT: Your bother dark haired. All the victims were dark haired. RENE: Is that a thrat? EMMETT: If I did kll those women... JORDAN: Is there more? EMMETT: It would've been because they had evil in their eyes. Like you. [Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Jordan, Nigel and Rene are there.] JORDAN: What? NIGEL: Yeah, about an hour ago now. JORDAN: Lily wasn't... NIGEL: No, no. It was only her mother. Detective Seely's at the hospital with her right now. He's gonna give us a call as soon as he knows anything. JORDAN: How's Lily? Should we go? We should go. NIGEL: Well, Dr. Macy already went. He finished prepping the DNA samples and then he rushed out, about ten minutes ago. RENE: I'm very sorry about Lily's mother. I will also be sorry if Emmett Parker gets out and starts klling more dark haired women with evil in their eyes. [Scene: Hospital. Lily is sitting on a chair in the corridor. Matt gets off his cell phone and joins her.] MATT: The embassy in Rome is trying to track down your brother. LILY: I was so mean to her. MATT: Well, don't think about it. (Garret walks in and Lily rushes over to him and hugs him. She starts crying.) LILY: I was mean to her again. GARRET: You've never been mean to anybody in your life. LILY: But I was. Right before the car... GARRET: We're gonna get through this, Lily. We'll get through this, okay? (A doctor walks in.) DOCTOR: Lebowski? LILY: Me. How's my mother? DOCTOR: Fractures and bruised organs. We did stop the internal bleeding. LILY: So she'll be okay? DOCTOR: Are you aware that her immune system is somewhat compromised? LILY: She's an alcoholic. DOCTOR: You thinking of getting her some help? LILY: Could I see her now? DOCTOR: She's gonna be unconscious for quite a while. LILY: That's not what I asked. (Lily follows the doctor into a room.) GARRET: I heard ht and run. MATT: I got a partial plate. We'll get the driver. GARRET: Bug's putting together the equipment to reconstruct the accident if you're interested. MATT: You trying to get me out of the way? GARRET: My thought was that since you were there when it happened you might be able to help. [Scene: Outside ME's Office. The road is blocked off. Bug and Matt are there.] BUG: This was the point of impact? MATT: Yeah. This is all in the police report. You think you know more about accident investigation than the cops do? BUG: Under normal weather conditions, street pavement has a dry factor of point eight. You multiply that times the length of the skid times thirty, giving you X. The formula is based on Etonian physics, the reference as Einstein's thermion relativity by rounding up the metric speed of light to derive, thirty is the constant. So in this case, 2712 is, uh, square that, making sure that you put the decimal point in the right place. So the car was going at fifty-two miles an hour when it ht Mrs. Lebowski. MATT: You looked at the report. BUG: Prove it. (Bug walks over to the tire mark and takes a photo.) I'll make sure, but I would bet my job that these are the same tires, and this is not in the accident report. MATT: Yeah, so, some drunk who kept having to ht the brakes. BUG: Look again. Look at the direction of the fade. This is somebody peeling out from a dad stop. Whoever was driving was in a big hurry to go that way. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Jordan and Rene are there.] RENE: My god, how long does this take? JORDAN: When the saliva sample from the victim's clothes is finished, I still have to run Parker's. And after that I have to compare the two. If you don't wanna wait that long... (Garret walks in.) RENE: Garret. GARRET: Hi. JORDAN: Uh, Nigel told us Lily's mum is gonna be fine. How's she doing? Lily, I mean. GARRET: Well, how do you think? (The computer beeps.) RENE: What? JORDAN: You're not gonna like this. I'm guessing the victim had a tom cat because this is cat DNA. RENE: Damn it. Marcy Strauss was our best bet and the other bodies were decomposed when they were found. And somewhere out there is an eye witness to this mrder. JORDAN: If he's still alive. GARRET: We'll keep going. RENE: Thank you. I'll be on my cell if you find anything. And, um, I'm glad Lily's mother will pull through. (She leaves the room.) JORDAN: That was nice of her. [Scene: County Jail. Interview Room. Woody and Frank Lioso are there.] WOODY: April 6th 2005, interview with in-mate, Frank Lioso. This is the incident report from the night of August 14, 1979. FRANK: No taping. WOODY: I wanna tape. I tape. Okay, you were in Somerville late, on foot, 11:22 a patrol unit pulled over to talk to you. They asked for your ID. Rang in for warrants, there weren't any, then they let you go. Did you call 911 from a pay phone at Sixth and Wrensler about a woman being sab? (Frank looks at the tape recorder. Woody turns it off.) FRANK: I've been tripped up by these things before. It's not gonna happen again. WOODY: The voice sounds like you. Did you make that call? FRANK: What's in it for me? WOODY: Nothing. If we don't know that it's you. So why don't you talk into the machine because no tape, no deal. [Scene: Hospital. Room. Lily is standing beside the bed. Matt walks in.] MATT: Hey. LILY: Hey. MATT: How you doing? LILY: I don't know. Car slams into your mother right after you call her a slut. How would you feel? MATT: Has she been conscious at all? LILY: Morphine drip. (He takes out some photos and puts them on the bed.) MATT: Could you take a look at these, so we... LILY: Don't put them on my mother. (She grabs the photos and they walk into the corridor. She looks at them.) MATT: You know her? LILY: Wait a minute, this... This makes it look like... MATT: Deliberate. This woman waited for your mother to come out and then smack. LILY: You have the sensitivity of a lizard. MATT: I have spent every minute today investigating what initially looked like just a ht and run. LILY: Isn't that your job? MATT: ht and runs? No, I'm a homicide detective. I did this for you. LILY: Thank you. Now that it's attempted mrder, it's no longer beneath you. MATT: When she wakes up, see if she knows who the woman is. (He walks off.) [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Jordan, Garret, Nigel, Bug, Woody and Rene are there. Photos of the fourteen victims are laid out on the table.] RENE: So we've got pretty much nothing. NIGEL: Nothing? GARRET: Settle down. RENE: No, I'm not criticizing, you've all performed miracles in a very short time. Thank you. (Woody raises his hand.) Yeah. WOODY: Excuse me, but my witness is not nothing. RENE: Frank Lioso, sixteen arrests, eight convictions. WOODY: I know he's not squeaky clean but he is our guy. RENE: I'd make a deal with Mussolini to keep Emmett Parker inside. What's Lioso want? WOODY: Out. RENE: You and I will go talk to him. Where is he? WOODY: I had him transferred to County Lockup. RENE: Good. Thank you. Uh, we need to discuss your testimony. GARRET: I've been with Lily. Jordan should testify. RENE: If you could give me a minute. GARRET: All right, let's get back to it. RENE: Detective Hoyt, I'll meet you at County. (Everyone leaves the room except for Jordan and Rene.) JORDAN: All I could testify to is nothing. Just what links Emmett Parker to these crimes. No mrder wapon, no prints. We found male DNA on nine of the victims' personal effects but we don't have time to test it all. RENE: I understand that. I have some hope the witness will help. What I need from you is spin. JORDAN: I'm not sure I can spin nothing. RENE: What about the crime scene photos? JORDAN: We scoured them. RENE: Is there anything unaccounted for in the evidence boxes? JORDAN: Nothing we can tie to Parker. We did pull a blonde hair off one of the victims but it was a woman's hair. I don't guess that Parker got a sex change. RENE: The judge won't know the hair is female unless you tell him. JORDAN: Rene, look, I wanna cook this bastard as much as you do, but if you're asking me to lie... RENE: I'm asking you to help me save some lives. [Scene: Suffolk General Hospital. Room. Lily is sitting beside Arlene's bed. Arlene wakes up.] LILY: Mum? ARLENE: Why am I in a hospital? LILY: Are you in pain? ARLENE: What happened? (Lily pushes the call button.) LILY: A car ht you. ARLENE: How do I look? Do you have a mirror? LILY: You look fine. You look beautiful. I'm sorry about what I said before, I didn't mean it. Are you up to looking at some pictures? ARLENE: Of what? LILY: The driver who ht you. ARLENE: What? LILY: It wasn't an accident. She ran into you deliberately. (She holds up the photos.) Who is she? Why would she want to hurt you? Please, tell me who she is. ARLENE: Could you get me my handbag? I know I look a mess. LILY: Could you for once in your life face reality? ARLENE: I'm not up to one of your lectures right now, Lily. LILY: Did you hear me? This woman tried to kll you. The police need to know who she is. Mum. ARLENE: I heard you. I've hurt you all your life. Your embarrassment, your disapproval. I see it in your eyes, every time I look in your face. You never appreciate anything about me. I did the best I could. LILY: The best you could was one loser after another disrupting our lives? One crappy apartment after another, one bottle of scotch after another. (The doctor walks in.) ARLENE: I'm done with you. Get her out of here. I don't wanna see her anymore. [Scene: ME's Office. Lily's Office. Lily is on the phone.] LILY: I'm so sorry, you were saying? No, I'm looking for them in connection with their daughter's mrder twenty-six years ago. Okay, okay, thank you. (She hangs up.) GARRET: What are you doing here? (The phone rings. Garret answers it.) Yes? Just a second. (to Lily) Are you okay? LILY: Yeah, sure. GARRET: It's your brother. (Lily takes the phone.) LILY: Andy, where are you? (Garret goes out the door just as Matt walks in.) GARRET: Don't you have a job somewhere else? (The walk into the corridor.) MATT: I found the woman who smacked into Lily's mother. GARRET: Smacked? MATT: ht. GARRET: Who was it? MATT: Well, it was some piece of work. She was having it off with this married guy in Pennsylvania. His wife didn't like it. GARRET: So she followed her here and tried to kll her? Kind of an extreme reaction. MATT: Well, there's more. The guy's dad. He's klled two weeks ago in a car crash, 2am. Mrs. Lebowski was with him. Not a scratch. They were both snockered. GARRET: Who was driving? MATT: He was. But that's not stopping his wife from blaming Lily's mother. GARRET: Okay, thanks. When Lily gets off the phone I'll tell her. MATT: No, I'll tell her myself. GARRET: Do her a favor, Seely. Which one of us do you think she would rather hear it from? Thanks for stopping by. [Scene: Courtroom. Frank Lioso is on the stand. There are mug shts of men pinned onto a board.] FRANK: Hm, top right. (Rene takes down the photo.) RENE: This is a mug sht taken of Emmett Parker twenty-six years ago, Your Honor. One last question, Mr. Lioso. You knew that the police were looking for the witness. Why didn't you come forward at the time? FRANK: The cops stopped me earlier that night. Said I didn't belong in that neighborhood. Nice country, right? Anyway, I took off to California. You know, I figured they're gonna place this mrder on me. Ever been to California? Nothing but whack-a-do's and weirdo's. RENE: Thank you, Mr. Lioso. (Emmett stands up.) EMMETT: It was midnight when you saw the woman being sab? FRANK: Thereabouts. EMMETT: All the lights were on? FRANK: Yep. EMMETT: The room where this crime was occurring was at the rear of the house? FRANK: Yep. EMMETT: And your reason for being there was...? FRANK: None of your business. EMMETT: How long did you have the attacker in your sight line? FRANK: Long enough to ID the photo. JUDGE: How long, Mr. Lioso? FRANK: I don't know. Maybe five seconds. I got the hell outta there. You would've done the same. EMMETT: What did she offer you to say it was me you saw? FRANK: Hey, listen to me, you little sneaky... JUDGE: Mr. Lioso. Ms. Walcott, did you extend any inducement to Mr. Lioso in exchange for his testimony? RENE: I told him that I would look into the possibility of not opposing parole at his next hearing. JUDGE: Is that the extent of the offer, Mr. Lioso? FRANK: Yeah, and something better damn come of it because I'm not... (The judge slams down the mallet.) JUDGE: Did she or the detective prompt you to choose that particular photograph? FRANK: I picked the photograph. That was the guy I saw sab the broad. JUDGE: All right, sir. Thank you. [Scene: ME's Office. Lily's Office. Lily and Garret are there.] GARRET: It happened two weeks ago, your mother wasn't injured. LILY: Why didn't she tell me that? She should've called me when it happened. Someone she's with dies... GARRET: She probably didn't wanna worry you. LILY: She knew I would lecture her. If I'd known... I could kick myself. GARRET: If you load yourself up with enough guilt... LILY: I've done therapy. Why do I get so angry at her? At least I have another chance to make it right. To let her be who she is. I've gotta get her to stop drinking. GARRET: Is your brother coming back from Italy? LILY: I don't know. He dithered. It's what he does. Did Matt arrest the driver? GARRET: Yeah, ht and run, attempted mrder. LILY: Why are you looking at me like that? GARRET: Nothing. LILY: Don't do that, Garret. If you've got something to say, say it. GARRET: Seely's a jerk. You can do better. (The phone rings. Garret answers it.) Macy. (Lily starts to leave.) Lily, wait. Yeah, thanks, I'll tell her. (He hangs up.) Your mother's taken a turn for the worse. [Scene: Courtroom. Jordan's on the stand.] RENE: Can you describe what steps you took in examining the evidence. JUDGE: Let's cut to the chase, Ms. Walcott. Dr. Cavanaugh, have you found any evidence which links Mr. Parker to these mrder? JORDAN: We've barely gotten started, Judge Marshall. One day really isn't enough to process fourteen mrder. JUDGE: Is that a no? RENE: Have you found anything that you think will lead to conclusive evidence against Mr. Parker if you're given more time? JORDAN: It's impossible to answer that with a yes or a no. JUDGE: Dr. Cavanaugh, can you give me any reason to hold the prisoner in custody? JORDAN: We found a blonde hair on one of the victims' clothes. JUDGE: Is it Mr. Parker's? JORDAN: I don't know whose it is, Your Honor. If we had more time... JUDGE: You plan to continue your investigation? JORDAN: Yes, sir. Absolutely. JUDGE: Since yesterday I've consulted several authorities. Justify lifting Mr. Parker's immunity for mrder charges. And I'm doing so. EMMETT: You can't do that. RENE: Thank you, Judge Marshall. JUDGE: Your confession still can't be used against you, sir, but if the ME's Office finds fresh evidence... EMMETT: Are you gonna let me out or not? JUDGE: I can't hold you on the word of a compromised witness or on what might happen in some vague future. Given the Appellate court's decision, I have no choice but to release him. The officers will escort you back to the prison where you will collect your belongings and be processed out. EMMETT: There's nothing there I want. They can burn it all. (The Judge bangs the mallet. Jordan gets down from the stand and walks past Emmett. He stares at her.) [Scene: Outside the Courtroom. Jordan, Woody and Rene are walking down the corridor.] WOODY: I saw the way that bleep was looking at you. Until that guy goes down, I'm gonna be on you like feathers on tar wherever you go. JORDAN: You should be on Parker, not on me. RENE: I'll arrange around the clock surveillance. He'll probably file a harassment complaint. JORDAN: Let him. RENE: He pushes, I push back. WOODY: You two are so much alike it's scary. Anybody gets between you and what you want... I'm just saying. (Rene walks into the elevator.) RENE: Thank you for trying. [Scene: Hospital. Lily is sitting beside Arlene's bed. Garret walks in.] GARRET: We need to talk. The doctor said we could use his office. LILY: Just tell me. GARRET: She has a staff infection. It's ravaging her body. They're gonna amputate her arms and legs to try to save her but there's no guarantee that'll work. Or they can keep her in an induced coma until she's gone, or they can take her off life support. I'm sorry, Lily, but it's gonna have to be your decision. LILY: Is she suffering? GARRET: Nobody can answer that. [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan, Bug and Woody are there. Jordan and Bug are doing tests.] WOODY: Can I help out? BUG; Do you know what's likely to yield useful results after forensic testing? WOODY: Why you snapping at me? BUG: I'm sorry. I hate this. I should be with Lily. (Nigel walks in.) NIGEL: I think Lily's going to understand, Bug. Besides, her mum's going to be fine. BUG: That doesn't mean that Lily's going to be fine. WOODY: How long's this all gonna take? Because Parker could be klling another fourteen women and you people will still be scraping samples. NIGEL: Somewhere in here there is something of him. There can't not be. It's Locard's Exchange, you know? JORDAN: Maybe we've been going about this backwards. Locard does work both ways. NIGEL: So it does, but we can't run tests on what we don't have. And what probably no longer exists. WOODY: What are you people talking about? NIGEL: Locard's Exchange states that two people can not have a physical interaction without leaving traces of themselves behind. It forms the bases of criminolistics. JORDAN: We haven't found traces of Parker on the victims' stuff, but who's to say we won't find traces of them on his stuff. WOODY: You think I can track down the clothes this guy was wearing when he mrder fourteen women two decades ago? JORDAN: There is one place where his things have been sitting untouched all these years. BUG: The prison storage locker. JORDAN: And you heard what he said in court. He said he didn't want any of his things. You know what, get Walcott on the phone. Arrange for her to have his effects sent here, fast. [Scene: Hospital. Doctor's Office. Lily and Garret are there.] LILY: I can't do this. I can't make this decision. GARRET: They're trying to find your brother again. LILY: You think I'm inadequate. She wouldn't want to live like that. But if I do this, she's never gonna have a chance to find her way. She just wants to be loved, that's all, just loved. She's never had a clue how to make that happen. GARRET: Not many people do. LILY: She wouldn't want to live like that. GARRET: Is that what you want to do? LILY: I can't do this. I can't do this. How can I let her die? The way I left things with her. I need to talk to her. GARRET: This is not about you. You have to decide what's best for her. You have to be the grown up. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Jordan. Nigel, Bug and Woody are there.] JORDAN: Where's Garret? Where is Garret? NIGEL: I don't know. BUG: Probably with Lily. (Bug leaves the room. A man walks in holding the effects box.) WOODY: Here we go. (Jordan takes the box.) I'm guessing he did not wear the same clothes in prison as he did when he mrder those women. (Jordan and Nigel look through the box.) JORDAN: Check these. He could've been wearing this watch when he struck. (She puts it under the magnifying glass.) Uh-huh. Hair. (Rene walks in.) Dark. Nige? NIGEL: Bring it. (He magnifies the hair and compares it with the fourteen samples on the computer.) No. No. This one could be a possibility. JORDAN: Yeah. RENE: Call Judge Marshall and tell him I'm on my way. I want an arrest warrant. JORDAN: Hang on. We won't know for sure until we run it for mitochondrial DNA. RENE: Yeah, well, if you find it's not a match, Judge Marshall can yell at me later. Right now I'm getting Emmett Parker off the streets. JORDAN: Rene? Love your attitude. (Rene leaves.) WOODY: I tell you about you and her. Peas in a pod. (A police officer walks in.) O'Brien. What's up? OFFICER: We lost Parker in an alley about a block from here. We thought he might be coming this way. WOODY: All right, call for back up, go check out the garage. Nigel, you call security. Jordan, you are coming with me. JORDAN: I'm probably safer here. WOODY: You are not arguing. Come on. (He pulls her out of the room.) [Cut to the street. Jordan follows Woody.] WOODY: Come on, Jordan. (Jordan stops.) Let's move it. JORDAN: That's Walcott's car. (They run across the street to the car. The driver's side door is open. Woody looks inside.) WOODY: The keys are still in the ignition. (They hear a gn sht. They run into the alley. Rene is standing over Emmett's body holding a gn.) JORDAN: Are you okay? RENE: He seemed surprised to find I was carrying. JORDAN: Do you need a doctor? RENE: No, I'm fine. WOODY: Right in the pump. Nice job. What happened? RENE: Uh, I got into my car, he grabbed me and dragged me into the alley. JORDAN: So how did you get the drop on him? RENE: A high heel in the shin is apparently somewhat disabling. (She sees blood on her coat.) Ugh, now he leaves evidence behind. Oh, god, I'm gonna be standing under a hot shower for three days. JORDAN: I'm gonna take her inside. I'll send out an ME. [Scene: Hospital. Room. Arlene has been taken off life support. Lily is standing beside her.] LILY: I'm so sorry, mum. I'm sorry that I couldn't be who you wanted me to be. If we could do it over. I just want you to know that there was never a time that I didn't love you. (Arlene opens her eyes and looks at Lily. Arlene gasps and the machine beeps. Lily cries.) [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan is there. Emmett Parker's body is laying on the gurney. Garret walks in.] GARRET: What happened? JORDAN: You should hear from Rene Walcott. You know, the district attorney. So where have you been? GARRET: Lily's mother died. JORDAN: Where's Lily? GARRET: I don't know. She said she wanted to be alone. JORDAN: And you believed her? (Jordan leaves the room. Rene walks in.) GARRET: Jordan said I should hear about this from you. RENE: I had to sh*t him. Can we talk about this later? The nanny... GARRET: Rene... (He tries to hug her but she pushes him away. She leaves.) [Cut to the Lobby. Jordan walks in. Lily walks out of the elevator.] JORDAN: Lily. LILY: I, um, didn't know where else to go. (They hug.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x17 - Locard's Exchange"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Old City Hall. Lily and her lawyer are walking down the corridor. Garret is following behind.] LILY: Two years? That's all my mother's life is worth? LAWYER: It's not done yet. The judge has a lot of latitude. We'll know tomorrow her sentence. LILY: Two, four, twelve. She mrder my mum. LAWYER: That's a technical point. Your mother died from a staff infection. A jury might find the driver guilty only of the ht and run and not of the death. LILY: This is... LAWYER: This woman's plea to relative man slaughter is a good outcome, Miss Lebowski. (They see a guard taking the driver out of the courtroom.) LILY: She deliberately ran my mother over with her car. I don't see any remorse. Doesn't that matter or is that just another technical point? LAWYER: You want her to get the maximum? Be here tomorrow morning for the sentence. Write a statement. Tell the judge how your mother's death has affected you. The loss, the emotional pain. See you at 9:00. (He walks away.) LILY: Judge feels sorry for her. I can see it in his eyes. GARRET: He doesn't feel sorry for her. He just accepted her plea. Statement's a good idea though. LILY: Of course I'm getting a statement, Garret. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan and Nigel are there. Jordan takes a photo of a man laying on a gurney. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Afternoon, fellas. Present company accepted. Any chance of getting a COD on this guy any time soon? JORDAN: What's the rush? WOODY: I'm currently juggling three homicide cases and I'd love for this not to be the forth. NIGEL: Well, it might help if you fill us in on what we're looking at here. WOODY: Okay. Alberto Guzman, 51. Dominican National. Worked as a body guard at the consulate. Found this morning in an alley behind some bar in Little Dublin. No witnesses. JORDAN: Well, it smells like it could be alcohol related. NIGEL: Everything appears normal here. No visible fractures or trauma. WOODY: Music to my ears. JORDAN: Perfectly healthy looking guy drops dad in an alley way. I need to run a full tox, full autopsy. (Garret walks in.) Oh, hey, Garret. How'd it go with Lily? (Two men follow Garret in the room.) GARRET: These gentlemen are with the Dominican Consulates. That Alberto Guzman? NIGEL: It is, yeah. GARRET: They're taking the body. JORDAN: They? Who are they? DANNY: Danny Artega. My father is the Consulate General. He asked me to take care of this. JORDAN: I'm afraid I don't understand. GARRET: It's on the epinop, Jordan. All the paper work's here. DANNY: His family, they're devastated. They've asked for his body to be taken back to San Juan for burial. JORDAN: Sir, we're about to perform an autopsy here. GARRET: Under UN guidelines, they have the right to act as executor of the man's body. DANNY: I know this is a strange request. I really appreciate you making this as easy as possible. We're stunned by Alberto's death. WOODY: Okay, well, that was easy. (He tears a page out of his notebook.) [Cut to the Conference Room. Lily is trying to write the statement. She writes a sentence then crosses it out. A woman stands at the door.] NICOLE: Maybe you can help me. Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. LILY: What can I do for you? NICOLE: I'm looking for my husband. His name is... was Alberto Guzman. LILY: I'm sorry, your husband is passed away? NICOLE: Passed away, no. He was mrder. [Cut to the Crypt. Danny and the man are wheeling Alberto's body into the elevator.] NIGEL: I'm sure this will go a long way to maintaining diplomacy. WOODY: Wanna all join hands? A little "We Are The World"? (Lily and Nicole walk in.) NICOLE: Oh my god. Danny? (Danny closes the elevator.) No, stop! (She tries to open the door. Garret walks in.) GARRET: What's going on, Lily? LILY: I don't know. NICOLE: How could you let them take my husband? WOODY: Lady, calm down. What is it? NICOLE: He mrder Alberto. JORDAN: What? NICOLE: Danny. That son of a bitch. He klled my husband. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Jordan, Lily and Nicole are there.] JORDAN: We don't know how your husband died. What makes you think this man mrder him? NICOLE: Last night, Alberto left a message on my cell. Said Danny had finally gone too far, he wasn't gonna let him get away with it. This morning he was dad. (Woody walks out of the elevator.) JORDAN: Did you stop him? WOODY: Yeah, and then I let him go. LILY: You let him go? WOODY: I called it in. I held him. The next thing I know the state department is on the horn thrat my badge. Turns out Danny's father was just appointed the Dominican Minister of Finance, which makes your allegations a political nightmare. NICOLE: This isn't an allegation. Danny mrder my husband. I work at the Consulate. I'm a translator. That's how I met my husband. He was Danny's personal body guard. More like a babysitter. The spoiled little brat had to be bailed out of more DUIs, bar fights, car accidents. LILY: He got away with that? NICOLE: He has diplomatic immunity. (Garret walks in.) GARRET: I tried to pull some strings with the governor's office but it looks like the state department's putting up road blocks. LILY: Pulling strings? That's the best we can do? Does diplomatic immunity cover mrder? GARRET: Lily. NICOLE: Please, you have to do something. GARRET: Mrs. Guzman, we're dealing with jurisdictional issues we can't override. This may take some time. NICOLE: Danny and his father leave tonight for San Juan. If they take Alberto's body. JORDAN: Come on, Garret, if we don't act on this now, this guy's gonna walk. LILY: What is the point of doing what we do if we let this happen? GARRET: Don't you have a project that's due tomorrow morning? LILY: I'm sorry. (Lily walks away.) JORDAN: We're gonna do everything we can to make this right, Mrs. Guzman. NICOLE: Don't bother. I've had enough. (She leaves.) GARRET: It's out of our hands, Jordan. JORDAN: Yeah, sure it is. [Scene: Alley behind a bar. Jordan and Woody are there.] WOODY: Divining our kller for mud patterns, Kemo Sabe? JORDAN: The smell of booze is coming more from Alberto's skin than from his mouth. Smells kind of like this mud too. WOODY: With these leaky trash cans, you can probably get a decent buzz from that stuff. We got no witnesses in any of the bars, nobody recognises his photo. We got nothing. JORDAN: Actually... (She pulls out a photo of markings on Alberto's side.) Alberto's shirt was hiked up. It was a lividity pattern from the surface he was laying on. This wasn't it. WOODY: A checkerboard. JORDAN: Yeah, like tile, not cobblestone. Nothing in this alley. WOODY: So you're saying... JORDAN: I'm saying that Alberto died somewhere else and his body was dumped here. Nicole was right. He was mrder. [Scene: ME's Office. Lily's Office. Lily is sitting at her desk. Bug knocks on the door and walks in.] BUG: Hey. I'm taking orders for a coffee run. (Lily holds up her cup.) Come on, Macy's buying. You have to order out of principle alone. LILY: Fine. BUG: These are your mother's medical records. LILY: I'm issuing her death certificate. BUG: Yeah, but this isn't a coroner's case. LILY: Bug, I know the drill. I tell people every day. I ordered 20 copies of the death certificate. It's funny, I always thought it was excessive. BUG: You know, you don't have to do this alone, Lily. LILY: I know. Andy's gonna help. BUG: Your brother. How's he gonna do that from Pennsylvania? LILY: If I could actually get him on the phone, I would ask him the same thing. He needs to start pulling his weight. Add his thoughts to my statement for tomorrow. BUG: So you haven't finished, huh? LILY: Not even close. BUG: Okay, then I will take care of the paperwork. LILY: No. BUG: Come on, Lily. I may not know the right words to say but that doesn't mean I don't care. The copies, did you say you needed 20? (She kisses him on the cheek and leaves the room.) Hey, Lily, did... [Cut to Nigel's Desk. Jordan and Nigel are there.] NIGEL: Okay, and the real crime scene will be wherever we find this tile pattern? JORDAN: Yeah, somewhere between here and Cape Horn. NIGEL: And you'll need it by tonight? JORDAN: If not sooner before they get the body on the plane. NIGEL: I do love a challenge. And am I right in guessing that this will be staying underneath the Macy radar? JORDAN: What stays under the Macy radar? (Lily walks in talking on the phone.) LILY: I'm tired of talking to your answering machine, Andy. You can't dump this all on me. She was your mother too. Just call me back. (She walks into the break room. Jordan follows.) I'm fine. Why am I always the one that has to be the grown up? Probate courts, funeral arrangements, insurance, death certificate. My mother was thousands of dollars in debt. The cemetery wants to know what to put on her headstone and someone's using her credit card to charge electronics in Seattle. I'm sorry. JORDAN: For what? Having feelings? LILY: I should know how to process my anger without biting peoples heads off. JORDAN: Ease up on yourself, Lily. Losing a parent is brutal. You can't get over it in a couple of days. (Garret stands at the door.) GARRET: We gotta go. JORDAN: Go where? GARRET: Nicole Guzman has just taken hostages at the Dominican Consulate. [Scene: Outside the Dominican Consulate Building. Police cars have pulled up on the street. They have blocked the street off. Jordan, Garret, Lily and Woody have arrived.] LILY: I don't understand. How was she able to do this? BEN MORGAN: She works in the Consulate. No one suspected her having a gn. It's a small office. Couple of aids, security guard who she sht. GARRET: Is he alive? BEN: I don't know. She cut surveillance. All we know is she's got five hostages. The Consulate General's son among them. JORDAN: She said she wanted her husband's body autopsied? BEN: That's the demand. We're going along with it for now. WOODY: Well, let's get them equipped. BEN: No, not them. Glenys, Logan. (A man and a woman walk over.) GARRET: Who are they supposed to be? BEN: You. Brief them on everything morgue. I want them looking natural when they carry out the body. No suspicions. JORDAN: There's only one problem with that. Everything. LILY: Nicole spent the morning in our office. She knows our faces. GARRET: I'll go, I'll get the body. JORDAN: Oh, yeah, she really liked you. I'll go. WOODY: This is a police matter, I will go. LILY: We should do what she wants the way she wants it. All she's after is making sure Danny Artega pays for what he did. (Diego Artega over hears their conversation.) DIEGO: You're talking about my son. Last I understood, in America, you're believed innocent until proven guilty. I want my son out of there. He's not the criminal here. JORDAN: Let's go. [Cut to inside the Dominican Consulate. Nicole has her gn pointed at Jordan and Garret as they zip up the body bag.] NICOLE: Wait. (She takes one last look at Alberto and Garret zips the bag up all the way. Near by, the guard who has been sht sits on the ground next to the other hostages.) GUARD: Don't worry about me. JORDAN: He needs medical attention, Nicole. NICOLE: And they know that so that lights a fre. GARRET: We can only do the autopsy as fast as we can. NICOLE: I'll wait. I'm as much a hostage here as they are. DANNY: Yeah, the gn's a dad give away. JORDAN: That'll help your cause. NICOLE: As long as he doesn't get away with mrder, they all go free. Do you understand? GARRET: We all want a fast safe end to this. NICOLE: Don't placate me. Just get the evidence. (Danny speaks in Puerto Rican. Nicole says something back.) GARRET: Let's go. (Jordan and Garret push the body towards the door.) NICOLE: You go. She stays. JORDAN: What? NICOLE: You stay. No offence, but it's insurance. GARRET: Dr. Cavanaugh's my best ME. It's her you want to do the autopsy. If you need insurance, I'll stay. NICOLE: You're the chief, I'm sure you can handle it. Pull some of your strings. (She cocks the gn and points it at Jordan's head.) JORDAN: I think she's serious, Garret. (Garret wheels the body out of the door.) [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Garret, Nigel, Bug and Woody are wheeling Alberto's body through the corridor.] WOODY: The longer a hostage crisis takes, the more chance it has of ending bloody. NIGEL: Oh, thanks for the pep talk. GARRET: We just have to be quick. We need to find the cause of death and the crime scene. Bug, you and I do trace together. Double our speed. BUG: Okay, I'll prep him. GARRET: Nigel, start with tox. And I want everything Jordan had you working on this morning that I wasn't supposed to know about. NIGEL: Oh, I wasn't working on... all right. (He goes into a room.) WOODY: I'm going back to the Consulate. GARRET: No. WOODY: I gotta get her out of there. GARRET: Don't be a cowboy, Woody. We all wanna make sure Jordan gets out. So the best thing we can do right now, all of us, is to do our jobs like we know how. WOODY: I'm gonna look under every rock that son of a bitch Danny was under yesterday. GARRET: Do it. (Woody walks away. Nigel comes back with a file.) NIGEL: Everything Jordan had me dig up this morning. What's wrong? GARRET: What if we find this kid didn't kll Alberto Guzman? What happens to Jordan then? Go. [Scene: Dominican Consulate. Jordan is handcuffed to the stairs beside Danny.] DANNY: I'm sorry you've been put in this on my account. I didn't kll Alberto, he was my friend. JORDAN: According to Nicole he was your liarchy. Always bailing you out of trouble. DANNY: Okay, so I'm no boy scout. I didn't mrder anyone. I'm not the one who sht an innocent man and took hostages. JORDAN: Her husband's dad. Someone klled him. DANNY: If his body had gone back to San Juan, they would've found that out there. Boston doesn't have a monopoly on forensics, doctor. JORDAN: You want the truth? DANNY: I want to know why she really took this place hostage. I mean, that's my father's office. What's she doing in there? What's she looking for? We're in the midst of major trading cords and my father's appointment puts him in the centre of it. If someone were to get all of those figures... JORDAN: That's a bit of a stretch. DANNY: Alberto, he caught her going through some papers, you know, that he was holding for me. He started to get suspicious, now look what happened. (The guard groans.) WOMAN: Hey, this guy's not doing so well. (Nicole walks in.) NICOLE: What's going on? JORDAN: If you let me out I can look. (She uncuffs Jordan from the stairs. Jordan goes over to the man.) I think his artery ruptured. He needs a hospital. Now. You gonna let him die? You have to let him go, Nicole. Let these people take him out. NICOLE: They're my leverage. JORDAN: You only need me and Danny. You lied to the negotiator when you kept me. Now she them some good faith. You want to be the injured party of the kller? Make them believe in you, Nicole. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Bug catches up to Garret.] BUG: Dr. Macy, could you take a look at this? GARRET: It's gonna have to wait. BUG: Arlene Lebowski. Look at her blood type. GARRET: AB. So? BUG: Lily's is O positive. GARRET: You sure? BUG: I checked her file. You did the blood typing test yourself. GARRET: Has Lily ever mentioned being adopted? BUG: No. So what do we say to her? GARRET: Nothing. It's none of our business. BUG: Well, what if she doesn't know? GARRET: Well, who says she doesn't and if she does, she's obviously decided not to tell us. Leave it alone, Bug. She's got enough on her plate right now. (Garret walks away.) BUG: Sure. [Scene: Outside Dominican Consulate. The hostages walk out of the building.] BEN: Hostages are coming out! LILY: Where's Jordan? BEN: She released everyone but Dr. Cavanaugh and your son. DIEGO: What now? BEN: She wants food. Which is good, she's hungry. We withhold it, keeps her off balance. LILY: She just released hostages. We should give her something in return. BEN: We send in food, this goes from being about a couple of hours to a couple of days. LILY: She's grieving over her husband's death. She's impatient, she's hostile. BEN: This isn't a committee meeting. LILY: She's feeling desperate, angry. Any little thing could set her off. She could kll them both. BEN: Officer, Miss Lebowski is leaving. DIEGO: She's right, Mr. Morgan. Send in whatever Nicole wants. BEN: This isn't your decision either, Mr. Artega. DIEGO: Yes, it is. The Consulate is sovereign ground. I can make a phone call and get this done. BEN: It's your son. DIEGO: And Miss Lebowski stays. (Ben walks away.) LILY: Thanks. About what I said before, about your son... DIEGO: You believed a woman who is untrustworthy. Danny is not a mrder. LILY: Thanks for getting them to let me stay. DIEGO: You don't want to lose your friend. I don't want to lose my son. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Garret and Bug are there. Nigel walks in.] NIGEL: Toxile, Alberto Guzman. He had flumitrazepam in his system. BUG: Isn't that rufies, the date rpe drug? NIGEL: Yeah. 30mg. Non-lethal dose. But enough to knock out a bodyguard. Or a rhino. BUG: So Danny knocks him unconscious and then kills him. GARRET: Don't jump to conclusions. We don't even know cause of death. Let's say objectives so we don't make mistakes. NIGEL: Fine. But it all adds up, doesn't it? Diplo-rat thinks he's above the law. How much do you wanna bet Danny always had rufies around so he could have his way with whoever he wanted. Check out the pattern. GARRET: Particles are sifting downward towards the shoes. BUG: Looks like he was dragged. Out of the crime scene? NIGEL: And then dumped in the alley. We're lucky the gutter water didn't wash this evidence away. GARRET: So what's the powder? [Time lapse. Results of the powder show up on the computer.] GARRET: Gypsum bonded asbestos. NIGEL: It's dry wall. It's used in commercial buildings. Microscopic powder sticks to the floor. BUG: So the crime scene we're looking for was recently renovated. That doesn't really help us. NIGEL: Gypsum bonded asbestos contains negligible amounts of custinigens, but enough that the state, I think, requires a permit. (Woody walks in.) WOODY: Seems our friend Danny Artega went on quite a little bender yesterday. Around 11:37 a Roxbury traffic cam has his SUV running a red light at the corner of Comm. Ave and Leek. 11:37. That's somewhere around Alberto Guzman's estimated time of death. NIGEL: Okay, I've got twenty permits this past month. One right near that intersection. Get this. Yeah, permit holder is one Jose Arcadio. (They look at him blankly.) Colonel Jose Arcadio Pontius. The ambitious patriarch from 100 years of solitude? BUG: Gabriel Garcia Marquez. NIGEL: Right. Which every South American school boy would know. It's an alias. It's Danny's alias. GARRET: Chances are it's where Alberto Guzman was mrder. [Scene: Dominican Consulate. Nicole offers some pizza to Jordan.] JORDAN: Looking down the barrel of your gn kind of klled my appetite. DANNY: I'll take one. NICOLE: It's not your stomach you should be worried about. DANNY: You know all those parties Alberto told her about? Yeah, well, what he didn't tell her was how much he enjoyed them too. JORDAN: Don't make things worse. DANNY: He was just happy to be out of the house. You know, away from that bitch. NICOLE: Shut up! (She points her gn at him.) JORDAN: Nicole, don't. You kll him, you don't get justice. You just become as bad as him or who mrder your husband. NICOLE: He mrder my husband. JORDAN: Then let them prove that at the morgue. NICOLE: They were kidding. They're just buying time. People like him. They never get what's coming to them. (She walks over to Danny and points the gn at his head.) JORDAN: Look, put the gn down. If he did kll Alberto, there's bound to be some evidence on him. At least let me try to find it. It's called a live autopsy. I look for samples, hair, fibres. Try to connect the dots. NICOLE: One way or another, you're not walking out of here. DANNY: I didn't kll him. [Scene: Alberto Guzman Crime Scene. Nigel and Woody are there.] WOODY: See anything in the dust, Nige? NIGEL: Gypsum bonded asbestos. Drag marks towards the door. WOODY: Take a look at this tile pattern. NIGEL: Lividity matches. This is our crime scene. WOODY: We need to find a link to Danny. (Nigel finds a hand print on a table.) NIGEL: I got a print. WOODY: This place is clean, Nige. Too clean. What was Danny using it for? (Nigel takes a photo of the hand print. He types on the computer and Nicole's file shows up.) NIGEL: I'm not sure it's Danny's. WOODY: Nicole. What was she doing here? (Woody looks through the desk drawers. One drawer is locked so he finds something in the ME bag to pry it open.) NIGEL: Hey, hey, that's a $1000 thermometer. Don't, don't do that. Woody, you'll break it. (Woody gets the drawer open.) Oh, you broke it. Great. WOODY: Bill me. (He pulls out a digital camera.) Check this out. (He hands it to Nigel.) NIGEL: Digital single lens reflex. 8 mega pixel digicam. Nice. (He takes out a memory card.) Hello. (He inserts the memory card into the laptop. Documents show up on the screen.) Dear Consol Artega. Confidential documents. Import-export. Agreements trade quoters. So Nicole is stealing Danny's father's documents? WOODY: If it walks like a duck. NIGEL: It's the first three rules of industrial espionage. Gather, transmit, destroy. WOODY: Camera, fax, shredder. She's all over the crime scene, not Danny. NIGEL: So if Mata Hari klled her husband, what is she really up to? WOODY: How many others is she willing to kll? [Scene: ME's Office. Garret, Nigel and Woody walk down the corridor.] WOODY: We found confidential documents addressed to Artega. Dozens of audio cassettes. GARRET: She's a translator. NIGEL: Yeah, but she photo'd the documents with a micro digital camera, top of the line. And I decrypted this log of her computer. She sent files, confidential government documents out as file attachments. Multiple times. I mean, the shoe phone fits. GARRET: Fellas, I love James Bond as much as the next guy but this is not the movies. NIGEL: Yeah, well, today's espionage is not James Bond. Email viruses are stealing secrets from hard drives all the time. The information business is booming. WOODY: Bottom line, that office was the mrder scene and she was there. GARRET: Then why take hostages and insist an autopsy? NIGEL: Well, maybe she's buying time. Maybe she's trying to pick the Consulate clean before Artega moves off to his new gig. WOODY: I am gonna go bring the negotiator up to speed. GARRET: Wait, wait, wait. Listen. Jordan's still inside. If you give Morgan some half bit theories, he'll go in there with gn blazing. Let me finish the autopsy, figure out what klled Alberto. Maybe it'll tell us who. Nicole, Danny. NIGEL: Or what's behind door number three. I'll just see what I can make out of all this. WOODY: I'll hold up, but the longer we wait, the longer Jordan's at risk. [Scene: Outside Dominican Consulate. Nicole puts a First Aid Kit on the table.] NICOLE: How about this? JORDAN: It's not a forensic kit but it'll do. You know, for a translator, you sure know your way around a gn. NICOLE: Alberto used to take me to the shting range. When Alberto first came here he could barely speak English. I was his tutor. He'd read Gabriel Garcia Marquez to me in Spanish and I'd help him translate. Most people thought he was croof, hard. But when he read to me... The sooner you start, the sooner he gets what he deserves. (Jordan takes the kit and sits next to Danny on the stairs.) DANNY: So you believe her? JORDAN: She's got the gn. And if I don't find anything, you've got nothing to worry about. DANNY: What are you looking for? JORDAN: I'll tell you when I find it. DANNY: You're not gonna find anything. (Whispers) There's a taser gn under the desk behind me. You can reach it. Hurry. JORDAN: (to Nicole) Do you have any swabs? NICOLE: No, only what's there. (Jordan pulls Danny's shirt collar back and finds a large bruise.) JORDAN: What's this? DANNY: I got into a fight at a bar. A guy took offence to my buying his girlfriend a drink. NICOLE: Did you find something? JORDAN: Yeah. But I'm gonna need a real forensics kit to get some proper samples. (Nicole goes to the phone.) [Cut to outside. Lily and Diego follow Ben around.] LILY: Why does she need a forensic kit? BEN: She thinks she found some evidence on Danny. She wants to test it. DIEGO: I won't allow it. She's trying to frame my son to save her own life. LILY: Dr. Cavanaugh is not a coward. DIEGO: Danny is not a kller. LILY: Then let us prove that. DIEGO: Fine. I believe my son. (Lily's phone rings.) LILY: Hello? Andy, you're finally calling me back at 3:00 in the morning? Think I wouldn't pick up and you could just leave a message? There are things to be done, there are decisions to be made. Andy, I don't want your excuses, I want your help. Fine, whatever, I'll take care of it. As usual. Mum didn't do you any favours, did she? Cuddling her little man your whole life. (She hangs up.) DIEGO: Seems you're having a bad night all around. That call. The letter you've been writing. LILY: It's not a letter, it's a statement, to the judge. So the woman that klled my mother won't get off light. DIEGO: Your mother? I'm sorry. LILY: Thank you. DIEGO: So like Nicole, you want vengeance. [Scene: ME's Office. Garret and Bug are there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: You find the smoking decoder ring yet? BUG: No, no cause of death at all. And his MRI is clean. So the rufies didn't cause the stroke. GARRET: Coronary artery's undamaged. He didn't die from myocardia infect. (Nigel walks in with a forensic kit.) NIGEL: Here. Everything Jordan needs. GARRET: What are you gonna tell Morgan? WOODY: I told you I'd wait. GARRET: Look at that. WOODY: What is it? GARRET: Arched blood clot in the right atrium. BUG: This carbon dioxide's off the charts. He was suffocated. GARRET: We know Alberto was drugged. All someone would have to do is close off his airway. Fibres can be inhaled. (He puts a camera down Alberto's throat.) If we're lucky we might find one. Got something. Hang onto this. NIGEL: Yeah. (Garret pulls out the fibre with tweezers.) GARRET: Looks like a suede fibre. NIGEL: Calfskin leather is treated with collagen, becolor and combined with spandex and polyester for durability. Commercial suede has its own signature. We can trace this. BUG: Hydroxyproline ACE would confirm collagen content. (He squirts the chemical into a small test tube and places the fibre into it. The chemical turns blue.) Well, it's definitely suede. NIGEL: Wait a minute, wasn't our gn-toting hostage-taker wearing a suede jacket this morning? Yeah-yeah, it was like a caramel brown, four pocket safari number. What? What? [Time lapse. Forensic Laboratory. They are looking at the surveillance tape of the morgue.] NIGEL: See, you mock me but nice jacket. GARRET: The only way to know it's our mrder wapon is to test it with that chemical ACE. BUG: Put it in the forensic kit. Get Jordan to sneak a test. NIGEL: If it turns the same colour, Nicole's our kller. WOODY: And then what? She starts shting? Forget the test. We've gotta take out Nicole before she takes out Jordan. [Scene: Outside Dominican Consulate. Woody is putting on a bllet proof vest.] BEN: snpers are in position. LILY: She just released hostages. She was negotiating. WOODY: Lily, it's out best option. LILY: shting her down in cold blood? How is that a best option? What if they ht Jordan? Or Danny? Mr. Artega... DIEGO: How good are your men? BEN: They ht what they aim at. DIEGO: I want this over. BEN: Get the suspect in position by the far left window. My guys'll do the rest. LILY: They can't see in. WOODY: Lily, the rfles have thermo imaging scopes. BEN: Nicole's the only one holding a gn. That'll be our top. Good luck. (Woody grabs the forensic kit and heads for the door.) [Cut to inside. The phone rings. Nicole answers it.] BEN: We've got your forensic kit. NICOLE: Tell them to leave it. BEN: If Dr. Cavanaugh finds anything on Daniel Artega, Detective Hoyt will need to conserve the chain of evidence. Otherwise this'll all be for not, Nicole. NICOLE: Sorry, not good enough. JORDAN: Wait a minute, you met Detective Hoyt. He's one of the good guys. NICOLE: No. No, cops. JORDAN: Nicole, please. We all just want the truth. If you let Woody bring in that kit, this could all be over. NICOLE: (on phone) No gn, no wire, no tricks. (Nicole holds the gn towards the door. Woody walks in with the kit.) WOODY: (to Jordan) How are you holding up? JORDAN: Just another day at the office. (Nicole checks for gn on Woody.) WOODY: I'm clean. NICOLE: Put the kit down. Open it. (He does so.) [Cut to outside. The snpers get into position.] snper: He's in. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel is there on the computer. Garret walks in.] GARRET: Lily said that Woody's just gone inside. Anything on those micro cassettes? NIGEL: Uh, most of them are Nicole's. I'm running them through a translation program. They're dictations of documents. But this one, had Alberto's prints on it and the voice on the tape is Danny. GARRET: Nicole said Alberto had something on Danny. NIGEL: Maybe Nicole was right all along. GARRET: You have a translation yet? NIGEL: I'm working on it. GARRET: Work faster. [Scene: Dominican Consulate. Woody and Nicole are standing by the window.] NICOLE: (to Jordan) You check it out. WOODY: Uh, wait. NICOLE: What? WOODY: I think you should hear what Dr. Macy found. Your husband was drugged. Someone suffocated him maybe using a jacket. We think that jacket might be somewhere in here. NICOLE: Then let's find it. [Cut to outside.] snper: Damn it. I got a hostage in my line. BEN: Number two? snper #2: Negative. No good. BEN: Hold tight. Give Hoyt a chance. [Cut to inside. Jordan walks towards the window. Woody holds out his hand to stop her.] NICOLE: Wait a minute, what are you doing? WOODY: Just calm down, calm down. NICOLE: I'm sick and tired of being told to calm down. [Cut to outside.] snper: I've got a clear sht. BEN: Take it. [Cut to inside. Nicole sees the laser dot on her arm. A gn is heard. She dives onto the floor and so does Jordan.] WOODY: Jordan! [Scene: Dominican Consulate. Woody helps Jordan up. Nicole gets up.] WOODY: Jordan. JORDAN: I'm okay. (She sees the gn wound on Nicole's arm.) Oh, god, you're ht. Let me... NICOLE: No! (She points the gn at Jordan.) Leave me alone. (She goes to the phone.) [Cut to outside. The phone rings.] BEN: This is Morgan. NICOLE: All you had to do was wait for the autopsy results. It's all I wanted out of this. (She hangs up.) DIEGO: She's still alive, she'll kll him. Take her out now, storm it. LILY: No, you'll push her over the edge. DIEGO: She is over the edge. Get my son out of there. BEN: (to snper) Get your team in position. We're going in. [Cut to inside. The phone rings. Nicole pulls it out of the wall.] NICOLE: That's it. All bets are off. WOODY: We know all about you, Nicole. We know this isn't about autopsy results. JORDAN: What are you talking about? WOODY: We found your office on Edgewood Street. We found the documents, we found the micro cassettes. Your fingerprints were everywhere. We know you mrder your husband there. NICOLE: mrder my... DANNY: See, I told you I didn't... NICOLE: Shut up. WOODY: You drugged him and then you smothered him. NICOLE: No. WOODY: With your suede jacket. NICOLE: That's what you think? That's what they all think out there. That I did this. I was gathering information from this Consulate but that has nothing... I didn't kll my husband. He did that. JORDAN: I wanna believe you. NICOLE: That makes two of us. JORDAN: There's still time to change their minds. I've got the kit now. Let me find the truth. [Time lapse. Jordan is testing Nicole's jacket. The liquid turns red.] WOODY: The other sample turned blue. NICOLE: What does that mean? JORDAN: This wasn't the mrder wapon. (Nicole puts handcuffs on the table.) NICOLE: Cuff him. Over there. (Jordan and Woody walk over to the stairs and Woody sits down.) Let me hear the click. (Jordan handcuffs Woody to the railing.) JORDAN: What now? NICOLE: You and I are gonna go search Danny's room. [Cut to outside. The snpers surround the building.] [Cut to inside. Jordan and Nicole have left the room. Woody tries to get out of the handcuffs.] DANNY: What are you doing? WOODY: Trying to get out of these cuffs. DANNY: Do you have a key? WOODY: What kind of cop would I be if I didn't have one? Sit tight. DANNY: Yeah, no problem. I'm not going anywhere. [Cut to Danny's Room. Jordan is looking through the closets for the coat.] [Cut to outside. The snpers are in place.] BEN: We'll move on my word. DIEGO: What's she doing? Where's my son? [Cut to inside. Jordan looks under the bed. She finds a suede coat.] NICOLE: Test it. He needs to pay for what he did. JORDAN: He will. Not at your hands. [Cut to outside. It's raining.] BEN: Team two. Upper floors. You ready? (Garret walks up to them.) GARRET: Wait. You've got the wrong target. BEN: We don't have time for this. GARRET: Nicole's allegations against your son never held up because we couldn't find a motive. DIEGO: Because there was none. Alberto was his friend. GARRET: Okay, you need to hear this. (Garret plays the tape. It's Danny's voice.) Danny was selling drugs using your diplomatic power to smuggle them in. Alberto Guzman found out about it and made this recording. Do you need to hear more? LILY: You can stop this. Tell Nicole she can have what she wants. Tell her you'll revoke Danny's immunity. DIEGO: He's my son. LILY: All the more reason. They storm the Consulate, she could kll him before they get to her. [Cut to inside. Woody unlocks the handcuffs.] DANNY: Hurry up. (Woody uncuffs Danny.) WOODY: Shut up. (Jordan and Nicole walk down the stairs. Woody and Danny sit back in their original spots.) Found our smoking gn? JORDAN: He's our man. (Danny grabs the gn off Nicole and pushes her and Jordan down the stairs.) WOODY: Danny, Danny. Put the gn, put the gn down. DANNY: You think just because you've got some evidence on me you can touch me? I got diplomatic immunity. JORDAN: Way to take it like a man. WOODY: What are you gonna do? kll us all? Add three more notches to your bet? DANNY: I'll claim self defence. You know, I'll claim self defence. It's a shame you two got caught in the crossfire. JORDAN: They can tell jujectary. You won't get away with it. DANNY: Already have. NICOLE: I should have klled you when I had the chance. DANNY: Right. (He points the gn at Nicole.) DIEGO'S VOICE: Nicole. Nicole Guzman. This is Diego Artega, Nicole. The police have stepped down. I have revoked all rights of diplomatic immunity from my son. Whatever he has done, he will answer for in the American court system. Please. JORDAN: It's over, Danny. DANNY: (to Nicole) Get up. Get up! You're my ticket out of here! (Jordan grabs the taser gn from under the desk and sh*t Danny with it. Danny falls to the floor. Woody walks over and takes the gn from him.) WOODY: Looks like you're a man without a country. [Scene: Outside Dominican Consulate. Jordan and Woody walk over to Nicole who is laying on a stretcher getting her b*llet wound bandaged up. Near by, the police put Danny in a police car. Garret walks over to Lily.] GARRET: It's 20 to 9:00. LILY: I know. GARRET: Sentencing's at 9:00. So if you took Boylston to Tremont this time of the morning you might be able to make it. LILY: Yeah, probably. GARRET: You're not gonna go, are you? LILY: Couldn't write the statement, Garret. How do you put a whole life in a few words? GARRET: You know how it affected you? LILY: I look around. I just don't think more vengeance is what we need. (They hug.) END	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x18 - Sanctuary"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. Jordan is sitting at her desk. She sees someone walking down the corridor towards her holding a dozen or so helium balloons. The person's face is hidden from the balloons. Jordan gets up.] JORDAN: Whoa, whoa. Uh, Mr. balloon guy? Hi. Those are for Jordan Cavanaugh. Um, she doesn't work here anymore. ACCENTED VOICE: This is county morgue, correct? JORDAN: Yes, it is. Yeah, but she retired. You're just gonna have to take them back. (Woody peeks around the balloons.) WOODY: Happy birthday, girl! (He laughs.) JORDAN: Woody, I told you what I wanted most for my birthday was not to be reminded it was my birthday. (Woody squeezes through the door with the balloons.) WOODY: Then I guess I shouldn't give you this. (He holds out a palm-sized box.) JORDAN: I see you're good at keeping promises. WOODY: Just go with it, Jordan. It's called happy birthday, okay? Happy birthday. (She opens the box and pulls out another box. She gives him a look.) Don't worry, it's not what you think it is. Well, maybe it is but... I don't know, I just wanted to get you something special. (She opens it up to find a ring inside.) Show you how much you mean to me. JORDAN: A diamond ring? WOODY: It's a friendship ring. Okay, calm down. It goes on your right hand, not your left. The lady at the jewellery store said that they're all the rage. JORDAN: Woody, you shouldn't have. WOODY: Well, it's diamond. Your birthstone. JORDAN: No, I mean, you shouldn't have. I can't accept this. WOODY: You don't like it? JORDAN: No, I love it, it's beautiful. It's just, it's too much, okay? (She puts it back in the box. Woody's cell rings.) WOODY: Excuse me. (He answers it.) This is Hoyt. Yeah, what? Okay. (He hangs up.) There's a dad nun at the Sisters of St. Benedict Convent. So I guess, uh... JORDAN: Yeah, uh... (She hands back the box.) WOODY: Happy birthday. (He hands her the balloons and leaves.) [Scene: Outside St. Benedict Convent. Woody and Mother Superior are there.] WOODY: These doors are always locked? MOTHER: We're a cloistered order. My sisters and I have little need to go out. (Jordan and Nigel arrive.) JORDAN: Well, fancy meeting you here. WOODY: Mother Superior, this is Jordan Cavanaugh and Nigel Townsend of the Medical Examiners Office. Okay, Meg Campbell, aka Sister Theresa, age 19. Last seen at dinner around 5:00 last night. Said she was not feeling well, skipped evening prayers. Sister Gwendolyn checked on her at 7:00 this morning. [Time lapse. Sister Theresa's Room. Sister Theresa is laying on the floor. Jordan, Nigel, Woody and Mother Superior walk in.] WOODY: This is what she found. Somehow no one heard a thing. The theory is they were all in chapel. (Nigel examines the bed. Jordan looks at her hand.) JORDAN: Lividity's not set. She's been dad less than eight hours. NIGEL: There's bite marks on the pillow. JORDAN: Particul hemorrhaging in the eyes. Could be she was suffocated. WOODY: Where'd all the blood come from? JORDAN: Good question. No apparent external wounds. (She looks under her dress.) Oh, boy. There's a torn umbilical cord coming out of her. NIGEL: Mother of god. WOODY: A nun had a baby? How can that be? JORDAN: She's a woman first, a nun second. What I want to know is where's the baby? OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Jazz Bar. Music is playing. Police are walking around. A body with sab wounds is laying on the floor. A woman, Charlie, is sitting at the bar. Garret and Bug walk in.] GARRET: Great. Crime scene with its own soundtrack. BUG: At least the song's apropos. GARRET: In more ways than one. This place used to be owned by Ivory Davis. BUG: Who is? GARRET: Was. Jazz legend. This guy could play piano like nobody else. His version of this song would break your heart in two. CHARLIE: Over and over again. Every time I heard it. He was my father. GARRET: You're Charlie? CHARLIE: Wow. Someone who reads the liner notes. I'm impressed. Are you a cop? GARRET: Medical examiner. CHARLIE: I thought you're more the detective type. Chandleresque. Bogart eyes. (Roz Framus walks in.) ROZ: Hey, Buggles. Glad to see they bought in the A team. Hey, uh, excuse me, I thought I told you to wait outside until I can take your statement. Can you turn off the damn music in here? CHARLIE: The song was on when I came in. On repeat. Subtle. ROZ: Hardly. The body's her boyfriend. Stephen Turk. Pro handle Knfe stuck in his heart. Seems someone was trying to make a point. CHARLIE: Detective Framus? ROZ: Framus. CHARLIE: Was it? Thinks I klled him. Technically the Knfe is mine because it belongs to the bar. The song that my father made famous was playing on the stereo. And if you ask around, there's plenty of people that tell you I thought Stephen was a bastard. Is that about right, detective? ROZ: Yeah. Motive, opportunity, signature. GARRET: But? CHARLIE: How stupid would I have to be to do this here in my own club? BUG: Stupid or twisted. ROZ: Or arrogant enough to think we wouldn't be able to prove it. CHARLIE: That's what you're here for. Right, Bogart? (Charlie walks away.) [Scene: St. Benedict Convent. Jordan and Woody are talking to Sister Gwendolyn.] GWENDOLYN: When I found Sister Theresa... all that blood... JORDAN: That doesn't mean the baby didn't survive. Either way, we know someone took it. MOTHER: I imagine it was whoever mrder Sister Theresa. Believe me, the only baby in this convent is there in Mary's arms. (She points to the statue.) WOODY: Locked front door, eight foot high spiked fence around the grounds. You're the only one who's got the master keys. How did anybody get in or out? MOTHER: I haven't a clue. JORDAN: You live together 24/7. No one knew about this pregnancy? GWENDOLYN: Sister Theresa's been quiet, moody the past few months, but... MOTHER: She was a very private person. It was our one misgiving about her future here. Her inability to open up. To trust people. WOODY: I know the type. JORDAN: You know, there's a missing baby. Maybe you and I should... WOODY: One last thing. Tell me about her family. MOTHER: She had a brother, Joey. He was listed as her emergency contact. WOODY: Great. I'm gonna need that number. And her parents? GWENDOLYN: She and her brother were orphans. She said that's what attracted her to our way of life. Making god's house her home. WOODY: We're gonna find out who did this to her. You have our word on that. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Stephen Turk is on a gurney. Garret and Bug are there. Lily walks in.] BUG: What was that film? The Pacino one. The record's playing at the scene of the crime? LILY: Uh, Sea Of Love. I love that movie. BUG: He thinks she's the kller and then falls for her. LILY: Ah, talk about your... GARRET: I'm working here, people, okay? LILY: I found Stephen Turk's next of kin. Sister in Chicago. She said he ht her up for a loan recently. Thinks he might've had some debt. BUG: Come on, seventeen sab wounds? If you ask me this was a crime of passion. My guess is that Charlie Davis told him they were over seventeen times. GARRET: But there's no trace on the body. Not a strand of hair or a drop of saliva. And no prints on the Knfe. (Roz walks in.) Just this right here. BUG: A woman's high heel? GARRET: Yeah. ROZ: Hmm. Looks like a Pellini or Zoccoli Stiletto. I know shoes. LILY: She kicked him? BUG: Well, I'll scan the print, find the shoe we're looking for, find the woman whose foot fits the shoe. ROZ: Just like Cinderella. Speaking of which, I'm going to pick up the princess now. Seems like her ex here wasn't her first victim. [Scene: Police Station. Interview Room. Roz and Charlie are there.] ROZ: What about Russell Eckridge? Your first love. The two of you sailing around the cape. Until he tumbled overboard. Funny though, he grew up around boats. He was a strong swimmer. CHARLIE: Yeah, I know. I was there. I lived it. ROZ: You draw a man into your web and then you pull out the proverbial ice pick. CHARLIE: Russ and I had just gotten out of college. My father's boat, he'd been drinking. He was joking around, a gust came. He was there and then... ROZ: You're just the queen of bad karma, aren't you? It's dangerous to be in love with you. CHARLIE: I wouldn't wish it on anyone. [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan and Woody are walking down the corridor.] JORDAN: Every sister in that convent had means and motives. Especially Mother Superior. A pregnant nun isn't exactly a poster girl for the Catholic church. WOODY: Jordan, they are nuns. JORDAN: What, nuns don't lie? They're not supposed to get pregnant either. WOODY: Maybe Sister Theresa was rped. JORDAN: Okay, okay, so nine months go by and she tells no one. She's surrounded by the woman of god but she doesn't trust them or ask them for help. Why? Because these women have shut themselves off from the real world. They would rather hide from life than deal with it. WOODY: Kettle, this is the pot. JORDAN: Okay, look, about the ring. WOODY: Don't worry about it, I'm gonna take it back. JORDAN: Woody, really, it was a very sweet gesture and I overreacted a bit. WOODY: No, no, I got you loud and clear. (Nigel walks up to them.) NIGEL: Uh, Jordan? The sister's brother is waiting for you in the conference room. WOODY: Don't worry, it won't happen again. [Time lapse. Conference Room. Jordan, Woody and Joey are there.] JOEY: Meg had a baby? WOODY: Did you talk about any men in your sister's life? Maybe former boyfriends? JOEY: Meg never really dated. We were both loners. Never placed in a home long enough to get too attached. JORDAN: Nineteen's kind of young to join a cloistered convent. Could she have been running from something? JOEY: I didn't understand it at first. The Meg I knew was fun. She had a lot to give. Growing up the way we did, we had so many disappointments. God was the one constant in her life. The only thing that she could really count on. WOODY: Was she afraid of anyone at the convent? JOEY: No. Church made her feel safe. JORDAN: How's that for irony. [Cut to the Break Room. Garret is there. He hears jazz music playing from another room. He walks into his office and Charlie is there playing music on his gramophone.] GARRET: Am I supposed to read something into this? "Don't Blame Me"? CHARLIE: Sorry, I, um, wandered in and I haven't heard this for years. My father never played it because he could never match the version. It's nothing like it. GARRET: It's no "Cry Me A River". CHARLIE: Do you think I'd be that obvious? Maybe "Who's Sorry Now" or, hey, why not "Mac the Knfe". GARRET: Or maybe "Don't Blame Me". CHARLIE: I'm not as bad as you think I am. GARRET: What are you doing here, Ms. Davis? CHARLIE: Well, your Detective Framus, she has in her head that I mrder Stephen and now Russell. And the problem is I know what else she's gonna find. Five years ago I had a boyfriend. He was klled in a car accident and I wasn't even there. And then two years ago I was engaged. My fiance and I were building a house. It brned down and he was in it. GARRET: That's quite a run of bad luck. CHARLIE: You strike me as a fair man. GARRET: Must be the Bogart eyes. CHARLIE: Something like that. GARRET: I'm listening. CHARLIE: Stephen and I had a fight. He wouldn't take no for an answer and so I kicked him hard in the chest. GARRET: Barney's Stiletto's size 7. CHARLIE: Figured they'd leave a mark. GARRET: Guess it's good for you they didn't find the shoes. (She takes the Stiletto shoes out of a bag.) CHARLIE: I don't know how you do what you do, but you have to prove me innocent. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Sister Theresa's body is laying on a gurney. Jordan is examining her between the legs. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Jordan, I... Hello. I'm definitely going to hell for that. You got anything for me? JORDAN: From what I can tell child birth didn't kll her. WOODY: So COD was suffocation. JORDAN: We won't know for sure until we open her up. WOODY: Sister Theresa's prints are the only one's on the pillow, so I've got zippo. JORDAN: Judging from the placenta the baby was full term. Which means there's a good chance he or she is still alive. (Nigel walks in.) NIGEL: Hey, I think our nun was in love. I was combing through Sister Theresa's habit here and I found this bracelet stashed aside in her pocket. WOODY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. A piece of jewellery is not necessarily a declaration of love. NIGEL: Yeah? Even if it's engraved "I love you forever"? WOODY: Well, yeah, if it's engraved, maybe. But whoever gave her this is our man. JORDAN: There's some initials here but it's so warn down, I can't make them out. NIGEL: Yeah, I know, I know. I still have to work my magic. WOODY: If you've got any problems, I know a good jeweler. (He looks at Jordan and walks out.) [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Garret is about to take a swab sample from Charlie.] GARRET: Open your mouth. (She does so. He takes a swab of inside her cheek.) CHARLIE: So all you need's right there, huh? GARRET: Anything anyone ever wanted to know about you. CHARLIE: You don't really believe that. A person's essence can be boiled down to a scientifical swab? (Jordan walks in.) JORDAN: Garret, I wanted... Ooh, I'm sorry. Wow, I didn't know you were... (Lily walks in.) LILY: Hey. Garret, I was going to, uh... Hello. CHARLIE: Popular guy. GARRET: It's fine. We're done. CHARLIE: Charlie Davis. mrder suspect. JORDAN: Yeah? Huh. You do it? CHARLIE: Be careful with my essence, Garret. (Charlie shakes Jordan's hand and leaves the room.) JORDAN: Her essence? (She struts towards Garret and smiles. Roz walks in.) ROZ: That Charlie Davis is some piece of work. I found two more dad boyfriends. JORDAN: Charlie Davis? LILY: Two more and they never suspected her? ROZ: Yeah, all accidents in different states. JORDAN: Nice girl. GARRET: Do we have any evidence that suggests mrder? ROZ: I have a black widow Cinderella with four dad boyfriends. That suggests mrder. And then we have Mr. fell-off-your-boat's next of kin in the conference room. I thought maybe we could go over there and convince him to okay the exhumation. [Time lapse. Conference Room. Garret, Roz and Peter Eckridge are there.] PETER: Always knew it wasn't an accident. Russ and I, we grew up on boats. Helping our dads building them. There's no way he fell off. GARRET: What do you think happened? PETER: Russ told me they were over. I think she wasn't about to let some townie break up with her. Especially one as good looking as Russ. Pissed her off and you didn't piss off Charlie. ROZ: She had a temper? PETER: She was used to getting things her way. Then we crossed her, she got even. I dented her car one summer with my bike. Next thing I know she ran over it. Nice, huh? Bring my cousin justice, do what you need to do. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Nigel and Woody walk in.] NIGEL: After I deoxidized the bracelet, I filed down the engraving and then I poured microscopic ball bearings over it. Then I held a high powered magnet underneath which sucked the ball bearings into the grooves, spelling out what was engraved. (The magnified engraving shows up on the computer.) WOODY: J.C. Jesus Christ? NIGEL: Or Joey Campbell. JORDAN: Talk about brotherly love. NIGEL: Well, it's not as incestuous as you might think. I contacted Saint Marks orphanage and apparently Meg and Joey were foster siblings. Which means at some point they were taken in by the same foster parents and took on the parents last name. WOODY: So they're not blood related? NIGEL: No more than you or I. JORDAN: So pretending to be Sister Theresa's brother, he could stay in touch without raising suspicion. WOODY: If he got inside to get her pregnant, he could've gotten inside to mrder her. JORDAN: Question is what'd he do with the baby? [Scene: Police Station. Interview Room. Woody and Joey are there. Jordan is watching from behind the mirror.] WOODY: Where's the baby, Joey? JOEY: I don't know. WOODY: This is gonna go a lot easier for you if that kid is still alive. JOEY: Look, I swear. I didn't even know that she was pregnant. WOODY: Last time we spoke, you failed to mention that you and Sister Theresa were lovers. JOEY: That's because I wasn't in love with a nun. I was in love with my best friend. When Meg joined the convent she wanted to end it. WOODY: But you didn't? JOEY: No. I loved her. And I know she loved me. WOODY: I thought she was in love with god. JOEY: She was confused, okay. WOODY: Okay, lover boy. Nine months ago, tell me what happened. JOEY: I was a mess. I was failing out of school. She agreed to meet with me so we could talk. One thing led to another... WOODY: The two of you made a baby. Isn't that special. JOEY: Look, it's not like we meant for it to happen, okay. Come on, a nun for a mum and me for a dad? I wouldn't wish that on anyone. WOODY: So you kll her, make the problem go away? JOEY: I didn't kll her. WOODY: You said Meg met you. How'd she get out of that convent? JOEY: I don't know. She snuck out somehow. WOODY: When we find out how she snuck out, it's gonna tell us how our mrder got in. And if I find out that's you, Joey, make god help you. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Garret and Bug are autopsying Stephen Turk. Lily walks in.] LILY: Hey. You guys find the smoking ice pick yet? BUG: We're looking underneath the shoe print. Dr. Macy seems to believe it may not have been inflicted at the same time as the sab wounds. GARRET: And Dr. Macy would be right. This density and hemorrhaging around the bruise would take hours to develop. Her story checks out. LILY: Her story? BUG: Yeah, she thinks she's being framed. GARRET: I did a live autopsy. No forensics connected her to the mrder. BUG: Well, maybe she cleans up good? GARRET: All that blood at the scene, seventeen sab wounds. Nobody cleans up that well. LILY: What does Framus say? GARRET: She'll get the autopsy report when it's done. BUG: Wait, Framus doesn't know about the live autopsy? About the shoes? GARRET: Framus will get everything but she's on a witch hunt. I'm just trying to give her some context. (Bug sighs.) Does someone have something to say? LILY: What if she's playing us? GARRET: You mean playing me. Tell you what, the body of her first dad boyfriend, the drowning victim is due anytime. Be my guest, prove me wrong. [Scene: Jazz Bar. Garret walks in. He picks up a photo of a woman and a little girl. Charlie walks up to him.] CHARLIE: That's me and Miss Sarah. Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. GARRET: It's okay, I don't scare. So you knew the divine woman? CHARLIE: I remember sitting in that booth over there, falling asleep in daddy's arms listening to her sing "Moonlight In Vermont". GARRET: Must have been a great life. CHARLIE: My father was complicated. GARRET: Who isn't? CHARLIE: Scotch, straight up, single malt? GARRET: Yeah, that'll do. I'm gonna have to give your shoes to the police. CHARLIE: You don't think I'm innocent? GARRET: I didn't say that. CHARLIE: You are a cautious man. GARRET: I'm here. CHARLIE: Thanks for helping me. You know what I love about Charlie Parker? You can put on a song and he says everything that I want to say. Even without words. Then you try saying that same thing to someone and... (They starts dancing.) [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Bug and Lily are there.] LILY: You don't see her? BUG: Oh, I saw her. Women like that. (Roz walks in.) ROZ: You're not talking about me, are you, Buggles? BUG: No, and stop calling me Buggles. ROZ: He is so cute when he's shy. Isn't he cute? LILY: Like a puppy. BUG: Did you get the other bodies? ROS: The fiance was cremated. I got the files. But boyfriend number two will be here tomorrow. How are things going with first love? Ooh, he doesn't look so handsome now. BUG: You should see his back teeth. His father should've sprung for an orthodontist. (He looks into a microscope.) That's weird. There aren't any diatoms. LILY: Diatoms? BUG: Yeah, microscopic algae. When you drown you ingest water into your lungs which have diatoms that are calcified. ROZ: So what are you saying? BUG: This man didn't drown. LILY: So he was thrown in the water after? ROZ: Which means our black widow is lying through her teeth. The spider draws them in and then kills the ones she loves. [Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Bug and Roz are waiting in front of the elevator. The elevator doors open and Garret walks out.] ROZ: Beautiful day, isn't it, Garret? BUG: We've been calling you since last night. [Time lapse. Forensic Laboratory. Garret, Bug and Roz are there. Bug is showing scans of Russell Eckridge's skull.] BUG: Bacillus skull fracture. The depth of the fracture suggests that whatever ht Russell Eckridge caused the massive swelling. Cutting off the respiratory system. ROZ: He was dad before he ht the water. GARRET: You're telling me the ME missed this? BUG: Necrophasia and marine predation obscured the wound. ROZ: And Charlie told them he drowned. And who wouldn't believe those lips? GARRET: Okay, so what ht him? BUG: A mooring hook. Kind of like a broom handle with a deadly wapon on the end. And more specifically an AYA2000. ROZ: And AYA keeps records. Care to guess where their boat outfitted with a 2000? (Garret walks out of the room.) [Scene: St. Benedict Convent. Woody is waiting in Sister Theresa's bedroom. Jordan and Mother Superior walk in.] JORDAN: Thanks, Mother. MOTHER: Anytime you want to go back into the chapel, just let me know. (Mother walks away.) JORDAN: I lit a candle for the baby. WOODY: Not like the lapsed Catholic girl I know and... like. JORDAN: It's not god I had an issue with. It's just certain aspects of the institution. Eleventh grade. St. Mary Immaculate High School. My friend Cindy got pregnant. Her dad was kind of abusive, so there was no way she was going to talk to her parents. I convinced her to talk to Sister Bernard. She was the coolest nun in school. I mean, she played U2 on her guitar. WOODY: So what happened? JORDAN: The good Sister went straight to Cindy's parents. Cindy freaked out, she ran away. Lived on the street for about six months and then lost the baby. WOODY: Yeah, but this nun was Cindy's teacher. She had an obligation to tell her parents. JORDAN: Yeah, what about her spiritual obligation? Cindy needed counseling, not someone to rat her out. So you find anything? WOODY: Walked the whole perimeter. The only way Joey could've gotten over that fence is if he had a forklift or bionic powers. JORDAN: There's no trace of him inside, either. It must have been so hard for her. Being 19, keeping this big secret all to herself. Bet she was terrified. Not knowing what to d, what to expect. (She looks around the room.) WOODY: What is it? JORDAN: There's nothing in this room that indicates the was even having a baby. Vitamins, no how-to books. WOODY: It's not like she could've checked them out of the convent library. (Jordan heads for the door.) Where you going? JORDAN: Back to the body. I don't think Joey klled her. [Scene: Outside the Jazz Bar. Garret and Charlie get out of their cars.] GARRET: Russell Eckridge didn't drown but you knew that. Your boyfriend that died in a car crash is arriving today. You wanna give me a heads up about what I'm going to find? CHARLIE: I'll tell you what happened. GARRET: A new version? Think fast, Charlie. CHARLIE: If you don't want to hear it, why'd you come? We weren't alone. My father was there. He'd seen Russ slap me, they were both drunk... GARRET: You're gonna blame this on a dad man? CHARLIE: It's the truth. He was scared. He swore to me that it was an accident. Whatever else my father was, whatever else he did, I love him. I figured this is the reason I was always cursed. GARRET: I loved your father's work and it clouded my judgment about you. CHARLIE: You're wrong, Garret. This wasn't about my father's work. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Garret, Roz and Peter are there.] PETER: She is trying to blame Russ' death on her father? Ivory Davis never had a problem with Russ. We used to crew farm. Treat us like one of his own. You didn't know Russ, but he was special. You can't let her get away with this again. ROZ: We found two more dad boyfriends. Wool incurred to one of the bodies, maybe all of them. GARRET: If she left anything behind, a fibre, a trace of DNA, we'll find it. PETER: Thank you. [Cut to Autopsy. Jordan is autopsying Sister Theresa. Nigel walks in.] NIGEL: Ran a paternity test using DNA from the umbilical cord. Joey Campbell can add daddy to his college transcripts, right next to felon. JORDAN: You wanna give me a hand? (Nigel puts on a pair of gloves and helps remove the rib cage from the body.) Nige, can I ask you a question? Hypothetically. NIGEL: Sure. JORDAN: Is it appropriate for a friend to give another friend a diamond ring as a birthday present? NIGEL: (excited) Woody gave you a diamond ring? (He calms down.) Uh, well, hypothetically, if a male friend gives a female friend a diamond ring, I would say the male friend wants to be much, much more than friends and is applying pressure to said female friend to step up to the plate. JORDAN: Check out the serosanguinous fluid in the lungs. NIGEL: Isn't that consistent with suffocation? JORDAN: Yeah, but there's a little too much. I bet you the lab's gonna find traces of amniotic fluid in the lungs. NIGEL: Wait a minute, you're thinking amniotic embolism? JORDAN: Brought on by a lack of prenatal care. Amniotic fluid seeps into the lungs causing respiratory distress. (Woody walks in.) WOODY: Hey, guys. Check this out. Um, not right here. Why don't you come over here. (They walk away from the body.) Um, it's been driving me nuts trying to figure out how Sister Theresa got out of the convent without anybody knowing. So I got a copy of the original map of the property and it turns out it was originally owned by a guy named John Walsh. NIGEL: Oh, the host of America's Most Wanted? WOODY: No, but he was one of America's most wanted. He was some notorious bootlegger in the 1920s. Okay, here's his property which is a couple of acres with a barn. Now rumour has it he built a secret tunnel from his wine cellar to his barn to transport his illegal wares. [Scene: Wine Cellar. Jordan, Nigel and Woody walk in.] WOODY: Wow, imagine the boozing that went on in this place. JORDAN: Now it's a convent. Talk about extreme home makeover. NIGEL: Okay, so if this were Nancy Drew and "The Clue in the Crumbling Wall", we'd just have to pull on this to reveal the hidden passage. (He pulls a sconce off the wall and it falls to the ground.) JORDAN: Nice move, Nancy. WOODY: I don't know, it looks pretty air tight to me. (Jordan pulls on a wall sconce and a door opens.) Whoa, whoa, whoa. JORDAN: Right idea, wrong sconce. NIGEL: I'll be a rumble in his uncle. (They walk into the secret tunnel.) JORDAN: Whoever klled Sister Theresa, this is how they got in and out. NIGEL: Doesn't explain where the baby is though. (Jordan picks up a bead necklace.) JORDAN: These look like Mother Superior's. WOODY: She said she didn't know any other way out of the convent. JORDAN: I guess Mother Superior jumped the gn. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Garret and Bug are there.] GARRET: Boyfriend number two. Cracked rib cage. Impact fractures to the femur resulting to the knees crushing against the hips. Car accident story looks legit. BUG: You're not still hoping she's innocent, are you? Well, you can forget that. Original tox screen said that he had alcohol in his system, same with the burnt fiance. Only this isn't alcohol, it's methanol. 100mg. She drugged him. GARRET: That amount wouldn't kll anyone. BUG: No, but it gets them woozy enough for her to stage their accidents. (They hear music coming from another room.) You hear that? I thought everyone else had left. (They walk into the corridor.) Is that...? GARRET: Last time this was playing somebody ended up dad. (They walk into Garret's office and the gramophone is playing. They hear a crash and run back into Autopsy. The room is filled with smoke.) BUG: What is that? Acid. Someone destroyed the evidence. GARRET: What didn't she want us to find? [Scene: ME's Office. Garret, Lily and Roz are there.] GARRET: How'd you get in? The building's on lock down. LILY: Seely's out front, said it's safe to come in. They didn't find anyone. ROZ: I don't know how Cinderella got out but she ain't getting away. (Bug walks in.) BUG: Bite marks. ROZ: Excuse me? BUG: I digitally erased the layer of lacerations from the autopsy photos to figure out what she was trying to hide with the acid. I'm gonna build a mould of the teeth from the photos. LILY: Bite marks? GARRET: It wouldn't be the first. LILY: That's sick. (Lily walks away.) ROZ: I don't know. Sex, control, power. GARRET: Either way, we can use them to nail the kller. ROZ: I'm gonna track her down. GARRET: At the club? I'll meet you there. ROZ: You don't need to. GARRET: I'll meet you there. [Time lapse. Car Park. Garret walks to his car.] CHARLIE: Garret. (He turns around.) Sorry. Thought you didn't scare. Listen, I just came to apologise. GARRET: For using me or for the damage you did in there? CHARLIE: What are you talking about? GARRET: The building's been sealed for an hour. How did you get in? CHARLIE: I've been here. Just sitting here waiting in my car, just trying to figure out what to say to you. Listen, what was I supposed to do? Say I lied about Russ, I covered his death and now I'm totally innocent? GARRET: Save your breath. (A car pulls up and Roz gets out.) ROZ: Are you okay? GARRET: I will be when you arrest her. CHARLIE: Just listen to me for one second. GARRET: Goodbye, Charlie. (Roz handcuffs her.) ROZ: Just think of him as the one that got away. CHARLIE: You're making a mistake. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Bug is there making the teeth mould on the computer.] BUG: Say cheese. (Lily walks in.) LILY: Cops are gone. Eww. BUG: Leptoderma dysplasia. Makes the teeth appear conical. That's our kller's bite. Charlie must have had her teeth capped. That's weird, Russell Eckridge, her victim, his teeth had the same deformity. Maybe 1 in 40,000 people have this. And it's hereditary so either he and Charlie are related or... LILY: It was the cousin. BUG: Charlie's been innocent all along. (Peter runs in and pushes Lily to the ground. He viciously attcks Bug but misses as Bug runs behind the gurney dodging his swings.Lily grabs a pan and hits him over the back. He turns around and she hits him in the face with it. She punches him in the nose and kicks him between the legs. He falls to his knees. She picks up a stool and smashes it over his head knocking him out. Lily stands there breathing heavily.) You all right? LILY: Great. (She gives Peter one last kick and spits on him.) [Scene: St. Benedict Convent. Chapel. Mother Superior is there. Jordan and Woody walk in.] WOODY: Looks like we've got a little immaculate deception going on. (He holds up her beads.) MOTHER: My beads. Where did you find them? WOODY: In your no longer secret tunnel. JORDAN: Just tell us where the baby is. MOTHER: In a good home with loving parents. WOODY: Why should we believe you? JORDAN: What a hypocrite. Lying to us this whole time. MOTHER: You're wrong. I only just found out myself. About the tunnel, the baby, everything. WOODY: If it wasn't you, who was it? [Time lapse. Room. Jordan, Woody and Gwendolyn are there.] GWENDOLYN: Sister Theresa went in to labour quickly. She held a pillow over her mouth to stifle her screams, then she started gasping for air. JORDAN: She held the pillow? GWENDOLYN: Yes. I tried to calm her down but I had my hands full with the baby. JORDAN: How did she seem after giving birth? GWENDOLYN: She seemed calmer, at peace. I left to clean the child and when I came back she was dad. I shouldn't have left her. It was my fault. JORDAN: No. You didn't kll her. Respiratory distress was brought on by amniotic embolism. WOODY: What happened next? GWENDOLYN: When I realised that there was nothing I could do, I took the baby out through the tunnel and gave it to the couple she made arrangements with. WOODY: We're gonna need those names. MOTHER: They're good people. They'll give this baby a good home. JORDAN: Joey Campbell's the baby's father. That makes him a legal guardian. GWENDOLYN: You don't understand. That's not what Sister Theresa wanted. (Sister Gwendolyn remembers her conversation with Sister Theresa.) THERESA: Joey isn't ready for this. This baby deserves a real home, a real family that's gonna love her. Something that Joey and I didn't have. GWENDOLYN: At least tell Mother Superior. THERESA: No. I couldn't do that to her with the convent. Not after all she's done for me. This is a test of my faith. I thought that I had to choose between my baby and god but I don't. I only have to choose love. Please, Sister, help me to do what's right. Tell me that you'll help me. GWENDOLYN: I gave her my word. [SCene: ME's Office. A couple and Sister Theresa's baby are in the conference room. Jordan and Joey are outside the room watching them.] JOEY: They look like nice people. JORDAN: Yeah, they are. Joey, you should know, what the nuns did, they were only carrying out Meg's wishes. We should probably... JOEY: What if I can't do this? JORDAN: Only you can decide that. JOEY: Meg wanted something better for her and so do I. Tell them I'll sign whatever I need to. JORDAN: Well, you understand that you'll be giving up all rights to her as a father. JOEY: It's the right thing to do. (Jordan pulls out the bracelet.) JORDAN: Meg said you only have to choose love. [Time lapse. Jordan's Office. Jordan is staring out the window. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Hey. (She turns around.) Is this a bad time? JORDAN: No, uh, actually, I was just calling you. Woody, I have a confession... WOODY: Yeah, so do I. Um... I did have ulterior motives when I gave you the ring. JORDAN: You did? WOODY: Yeah. I realised it was a little over the top but, I don't know, Jordan. I just felt the need to do something bold. You know, get us past this stupid little dance we've been doing for way too long. And I thought it would either bring us closer together or exactly what happened. At least now I know. JORDAN: I care so much about you. More than I think you know. That's my problem. Because I love what we have and I would never want to lose that, and I think you're right though, I think I need to make a choice... WOODY: Jordan, stop. Okay, I give up. My ego can not take another round of this. JORDAN: That's not what I'm trying to say here. WOODY: Please, Jordan, I think we're all good, really. We're just better off as friends. Truth is if we ever ended up hooking up, we'd probably kll each other within the week. JORDAN: Oh, you think? WOODY: No. But if I keep telling myself that. I'll see you around. JORDAN: Yeah, sure. (He leaves.) [Scene: Jazz Bar. Charlie is there packing things into boxes. Garret walks in.] GARRET: Hi, CHARLIE: Hey. GARRET: Listen, I wanted to apologise. CHARLIE: For what? I lied, it's my fault. GARRET: You can't blame yourself for what Peter did. His fixation for his cousin, blaming you and m*rder anyone you got close to. CHARLIE: Were any of your people hurt? GARRET: No. Framus doesn't think they're gonna press charges against you for Russell, for obstructing. CHARLIE: Well, I guess I have you to thank for that, huh? I'm glad you came by, Bogart. I have something for you. (She hands him a record.) GARRET: "Cry Me A River". CHARLIE: My father's version. It's signed. I don't think I'll be listening to it anymore. GARRET: I guess I'm due to have my heart broken over and over. CHARLIE: Something tells me you could handle it. GARRET: See you around, Charlie. [Scene: ME's Office. Garret is there listening to the song. Jordan walks in carrying a cupcake with a lit candle in it.] JORDAN: How many tears do you think it would take to cry a river? GARRET: Too many. Still a great piece of music though. Body count aside. What have you got there? JORDAN: Me acknowledging my birthday. You're my witness. GARRET: Just saying the B word is a big deal for you. JORDAN: Yeah, well, I figure it's about time for me to grow up a little. GARRET: You don't mind if I skip the singing, do you? JORDAN: See that's what I actually was looking forward to. GARRET: Better make a wish. (She blows out the candle.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x19 - Embraceable You"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Crypt. Jordan and Nigel are there.] JORDAN: Rossi, check. And Kelso, check. NIGEL: Okay, here a check, there a check, and done. (Nigel rushes out of the room. Jordan follows.) JORDAN: So who is she? NIGEL: Who's who? JORDAN: The one putting that skip in your step. (Bug walks up to them.) BUG: Hey. Anyone up for a little all you can eat at the Beef and Brew? JORDAN: Ooh, sounds good to me. Nige? NIGEL: Sorry, can't. Rain check? BUG: Ahh, first it was the faint waft of cologne over your usual iodine scrub scent... JORDAN: And now he has another rain check. NIGEL: Look, guys, can we just... JORDAN: The question is why the big secret? You're always the first to kiss and tell. BUG: This person must be special. JORDAN: Or maybe he's back with that dancer? NIGEL: I can assure you I'm not back with Velvet. JORDAN: Uh-huh. You are with someone. NIGEL: You wonder why she's a secret. [Scene: Outside an Apartment. Nigel is standing in the hallway with a bunch of flowers. A woman opens the door.] NIGEL: Sorry, I'm late. SARAH: You're worth waiting for. (He hands her the flowers. A little girl runs up to him.) MADDIE: Nigel! NIGEL: Hey. MADDIE: I made you cupcakes. NIGEL: You made me cupcakes? I love cupcakes. [Time lapse. Nigel, Sarah, Maddie, and their friend, Beth, are at the table. Nigel is showing Maddie a card trick.] NIGEL: Come on, Maddie. Now watch the queen. I'm gonna make it disappear. Ready? One, two, three. It's gone. (Maddie is amazed. Sarah and Beth clap.) BETH: Do you have any single brothers, Nigel? SARAH: Or maybe a handsome friend at the morgue we could introduce to her? BETH: Oh, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. No guys from the morgue. SARAH: Oh, so it's okay for me and not you? BETH: No offense, Nigel, but I could never marry anyone in your line of work. MADDIE: You're gonna marry Nigel, mummy? SARAH: Oh, uh, mummy's not remarrying anytime soon, baby. BETH: Uh, more rum punch, anyone? NIGEL: No, no, please. (She pours into his glass anyway.) I'm already seeing stars. SARAH: Okay, bedtime, pumpkin. Go put on your PJs. (Maddie hugs Nigel.) MADDIE: Night. NIGEL: Night. BETH: Okay, I've seen enough. He can stay. Sarah deserves a good guy. SARAH: Goodnight, Beth. [Time lapse. Beth has left. Nigel and Sarah kiss and she goes to see Maddie. Nigel goes into the main bedroom and lays down.] [Time lapse. Nigel and Sarah are asleep. Nigel suddenly wakes up and goes into the bathroom to wash his face. He goes into Maddie's room and she's gone. The window's open and written on the wall in blood is "No cops we will call".] NIGEL: Sarah! Sarah! SARAH: What? (She runs in.) NIGEL: Sarah! SARAH: Oh my god. Maddie? Ma-Maddie? Maddie! Maddie! OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel is frantically filling a bag with stuff. Jordan and Bug walk in.] BUG: Oh, would you look at this? JORDAN: Let me get my camera. Boy, Nigel beats us to work in the morning. BUG: And the morning after a big date no less? JORDAN: Oh, right. Trouble in paradise? (He looks at them.) What is it? [Time lapse.] JORDAN: Calm down, Nige. Shouldn't you just call the police? NIGEL: No, no police. They put it in blood on the wall for god's sakes. No cops. BUG: Is your girlfriend wealthy? I mean, how much are they asking for? NIGEL: They haven't yet, no. It's her ex-husband that's worth a fortune. JORDAN: Where's he? NIGEL: Sarah's tried reaching him. He's flying in from Europe supposedly. JORDAN: Supposedly? NIGEL: Yeah. They have a nasty custody battle. Apparently he's not a very nice man. BUG: Could he have taken her? NIGEL: That would've been my guess if not for all the blood. JORDAN: What about your girlfriend? NIGEL: What about my girlfriend? JORDAN: Well, you say custody battle. My assumption is one parent or the other. NIGEL: Yeah, well, if you'd seen Maddie's room, you wouldn't say that. You wouldn't assume any damn thing. (They walk into the Crypt.) JORDAN: Nigel, I'm sorry, I didn't mean... NIGEL: I know, Jordan, I know. But you're wrong. And if one wrong move jeopardises this little girl, I'll never forgive myself. BUG: All the more reason to talk to Woody about... NIGEL: No. No police. I told you. Now please, no one has to know. Not Woody, not Dr. Macy, no one. Can I trust you? JORDAN: You can trust me. I'm going with you. NIGEL: What? JORDAN: You're right. I have to see for myself. If it's as bad as you say it is, you're gonna need some help. Hey, Bug, can you cover for us? NIGEL: Bug, please. (They walk in the elevator.) BUG: Look, fine. But I still think you should... NIGEL: Don't. And don't tell anyone. [Cut to Trace Evidence. There's a body of an elderly man laying on a gurney. Lily walks in and puts some boxes on the table. The elderly man wakes and sits up. Lily gasps and hurries out to the corridor.] LILY: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. (She rushes down the corridor and bumps into Garret.) A body in Trace. A man, he's alive! (They run into Trace and the man is gone.) He was right here. I-I-I swear. He was on this table. (Garret picks up the file on the gurney.) GARRET: John Doe found dad in an alley behind the Lomax Theater. [Cut to the Corridor. The man is walking naked through the corridor. Garret and Lily run in. Lily covers her eyes. Bug runs in with a coat.] BUG: Someone lose a naked man? (He covers the man with the coat.) It's okay, it's okay. [Scene: Sarah's Apartment. Sarah is sitting on the couch. Jordan and Nigel walk in.] NIGEL: Sarah? (He goes to her.) Sarah, are you okay? SARAH: Nigel. NIGEL: Did they call? SARAH: No, not yet. I... Oh my god. Who's she? They said no cops. NIGEL: She's not a cop. This is Dr. Cavanaugh. JORDAN: Jordan. I'm so sorry... SARAH: But we agreed not to tell anyone, Nigel. You said it. Not until we know more. NIGEL: Right. Jordan will help us know more. JORDAN: The more we learn from the crime scene, Sarah, the better our chances of getting Maddie back. With or without the police. SARAH: This can't be happening, I mean, am I losing my mind? Why won't they call? They said they'd call. (Nigel hugs her.) JORDAN: Can I see her room? (They walk into Maddie's room.) NIGEL: They took her out of the window. There's a footprint out there I'll be casting later, and some blood on the sill. JORDAN: Okay, I'll start getting samples. NIGEL You didn't touch anything, did you? SARAH: You said not to. I listened to you. I didn't call anyone, tell anyone. NIGEL: Sarah. (She walks away.) JORDAN: Nigel, go and be with her. I got this. [Scene: ME's Office. The elderly man is getting checked out by a paramedic. Garret and Bug are watching near by. Lily's on the phone.] GARRET: You hear stories about this. BUG: Well, it could've been worse. He could've woken up while we were splitting his ribs. LILY: (on phone) Okay, thanks. (She hangs up.) Nothing. No ID when they found him. They thought he was homeless. GARRET: It was cold last night. Probably figured he just crawled into the alley and died. BUG: You see, this is why I still write my name in my underwear. GARRET: Where are Jordan and Nigel? They're not gonna believe this. BUG: Um, they are, they're on a call. Excuse me, I just remembered I have to... (He walks away.) LILY: I went through his clothes. I found these. (She hands Garret a letter.) GARRET: "To my dearest darling." Signed Doris. June 1978. LILY: Yeah, it's a love letter. It's beautiful, it's really intimate. Whoever Doris is she was really in love with him. GARRET: Well, how do we know he's dearest darling? Maybe he just found it? LILY: Don't be such a cynic. PARAMEDIC: Well, for a guy who was dad an hour ago, he's in pretty good shape. GARRET: So who is he? PARAMEDIC: He doesn't know. GARRET: Meaning what? PARAMEDIC: Meaning he has no idea who he is. (She walks away.) [Time lapse. Garret, Lily and the man are sitting down.] GARRET: Do you know where you are? MAN: Paramedic told me this is a morgue. Does that mean I'm dad? LILY: No. No, of course not. I can promise you that. GARRET: Why don't you tell us what you do know? MAN: I woke up on a bus. Maybe four days ago. It's all I can remember. GARRET: What happened to you in the alley? MAN: I was so cold and I hadn't been sleeping well lately, so I stole some sleeping aids from the drug store. I guess I took too many. (Lily hands him a pair of glasses.) LILY: We found these with your belongings. You do wear glasses, don't you? MAN: I guess so. (He puts them on.) I can see better. Thanks. LILY: And this. (She hands him the letter.) MAN: I really have to leave now. (He stands up.) May I have my clothes, please. LILY: Wait, where are you going? MAN: I have to find Doris. LILY: Do you know who she is? MAN: No. I know that I love her, I can feel that. And if I find Doris, then maybe I'll know who I am. LILY: No, you're not going to go anywhere until we find out who you are. You're gonna be safe here. GARRET: I'm sorry, can I see you for a moment? LILY: Excuse us. One second. You can take a seat. (They walk outside.) GARRET: What are you doing? He can't stay here. LILY: Well, you can't shove him out into the cold. We have to find out who he is, we have to reunite him with Doris. GARRET: Doris? That letter is twenty-seven years old. For all we know Doris is dad. LILY: Do you not have one romantic bone in your body? GARRET: I'm gonna call social services, they're gonna... LILY: Hold onto him for forty-eight hours and then they'll dump him in the street. No, Garret, he's staying here until we find out who he is. It's the right thing to do. [Scene: Sarah's Apartment. Maddie's Room. Jordan and Nigel are there. Jordan is taking photos of the blood on the curtains.] JORDAN: What time did you say you found the girl missing? NIGEL: About five this morning. (Sarah walks in.) Why? What is it? JORDAN: The blood. The way it's clotted. Like it's been here a lot longer than just a few hours. NIGEL: It could just be the conditions. Room temperature, wall temperature. JORDAN: Could be. Or it could be... SARAH: Could she be dad? I mean, with all that blood. NIGEL: Sarah, listen to me. She's not dad. JORDAN: There isn't enough blood for that. (The phone rings. They go into the living room.) NIGEL: Deep breath. (Sarah answers it.) SARAH: Hello? Oh, hi, Beth. JORDAN: Beth? NIGEL: Friend. SARAH: Can I call you back? (Jordan leaves the room.) I can't talk right now. Uh, yes, he's still here. Okay, bye. (She hangs up. There's a knock on the door.) VOICE: Sarah! SARAH: That's Phillip. PHILLIP: Sarah! (Sarah opens the door.) SARAH: Why didn't you call? PHILLIP: Because I didn't have to. Who is this? NIGEL: I'm Nigel Townsend. SARAH: He's a friend. PHILLIP: A friend? Was he here? Were you here? Were you near my daughter? NIGEL: Hey, now, hold on a second. SARAH: Wait a minute. You mean you already know? PHILLIP: Of course I know. What do you think. (Jordan walks in.) Hey! Who the hell are you? What are you doing here? JORDAN: I'm Jordan Cavanaugh. Medical Examiner for the city of Boston. (He walks into Maddie's room.) PHILLIP: Oh, good god. SARAH: But how, Phillip? How did you know? PHILLIP: Bastards have my private number. I slept on the flight and I checked voicemail as soon as we touched ground. One was my sister telling me you called and then, then came this. (He plays the message on his phone.) VOICE: We have your daughter. One million to set her free. Failure will cost her life. Calling the police will cost her life. One million dollars before the next call. NIGEL: We'll get her back. [Scene: Sarah's Apartment. Maddie's Room. Phillip's on the phone.] PHILLIP: Never mind what the money's for. Just have it ready for me when I get there. SARAH: I can't believer your bank pulls so much together so quickly. PHILLIP: Plenty of questions for me down the road. What are you people doing, anyway? NIGEL: If whoever took Maddie left something behind, I'll find it. And them. SARAH: Nigel's a forensic criminolist. PHILLIP: Yeah, who just happened to be sharing your bed while my daughter is being kidnapped in the next room. NIGEL: Now, sir, I can assure you... PHILLIP: Assure me what? That you just slept right through this. Did you? How well do you even know this man, Sarah? How do we know he's not in on it? NIGEL: Would I be doing this if I were? PHILLIP: Yeah, if you were clever enough. JORDAN: With all do respect, Mr. Sovall, but I could be asking you the same questions. PHILLIP: What? Are you accusing me? JORDAN: Not necessarily. But you do own several businesses, don't you? PHILLIP: What does that matter? NIGEL: You must have enemies. Every business man does. Rivals, competitors. JORDAN: Disgruntled employees, recent layoffs. PHILLIP: Enough. This isn't personal. This is about the money, plain and simple. SARAH: How can you be so sure? PHILLIP: Because I am. I knew Maddie would never be safe with you and this never would've happened if I had custody. JORDAN: Look, we can all waste time passing blame around or we can do what it takes to get Maddie back. Not both. NIGEL: So whatever we decide to do, we better do it now. Before that next phone call comes. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Lily and the man are there. Garret is standing outside. Detective Seely walks up to him.] MATT: Hey, I don't get it. That guy was laying right there in the alley. He was dad. GARRET: Well, now he's undead. MATT: You're not gonna tell me he's craving human flesh now, are you? GARRET: Besides from amnesia, he's fine. Doesn't know his name or how he got here. No prints at RMV, no military service. I was hoping you might help. MATT: Can't you say we tell him his name's Ernie and send him on his way? GARRET: I was thinking more along the lines of checking missing persons, cross reference his description. You know the drill. MATT: Unfortunately I do. GARRET: Hey, I got talked into this myself. MATT: Oh, yeah? By who? Ah, of course. Here we are again. [Cut to inside the Conference Room.] LILY: Okay, next I'd like you to count backwards for me from one hundred in multiples of seven. Like 100, 93... so on. MAN: Okay. Let's see. 100, 93, 86, 79, 72, 65... LILY: Okay. Wow, okay. Well, there doesn't seem to be any problem with brain function. All right, let's try a sense memory exercise. Of the letter. The part where you two are underneath the boardwalk. Are you blushing? MAN: I don't know why. I can't remember any of it. LILY: Well, forget about the specifics. I guess you already have. Why don't you just tell me how you felt. Can you go there? Can you see her face? MAN: No. I sense something. Maybe it's because I've read the letter so many times, but it feels real. It's all I have. LILY: We're gonna find her. [Scene: Sarah's Apartment. Living Room. Jordan, Nigel and Sarah are there.] NIGEL: You know, Phillip had a point. How on earth did we sleep through all this? SARAH: You'd think we had heard something. JORDAN: What time did you go to bed? NIGEL: About ten. SARAH: And me about twenty minutes after. I tucked Maddie in, we talked for a little. She couldn't get over your card trick. How you made the queen reappear. NIGEL: Just some cheap sleights of hand. SARAH: But what you're doing here, it's not that, is it? It'll bring her back won't it? Make Maddie reappear. (The phone rings. Sarah answers it.) Hello? No, Beth, I'm fine. Well, how should I sound? (Phillip walks in carrying two suitcases.) PHILLIP: Is that them? SARAH: Uh, Beth, I've gotta go, I'm sorry. (She hangs up.) PHILLIP: If Beth knows, the whole world knows. SARAH: She doesn't. I know better. NIGEL: Did you have any problems? PHILLIP: I've got the money, don't I? Though I'm pretty sure I was being watched. NIGEL: Watched? PHILLIP: Followed. He had a baseball cap. He'd be there, I'd turn, he'd be gone. (Phillip's phone rings.) Hello? Yes. Yes, I have the money. SARAH: Let me hear them. (He puts it on speaker phone.) VOICE: The drop will be made in one hour. Someone will be waiting for you behind the warehouse in Newton on Tager. SARAH: Where's Maddie? Put Maddie on the phone. VOICE: Your daughter's alive. Miss the drop and she won't be. PHILLIP: You harm one hair on that girl's head and I'll come after you. VOICE: Temper, Mr. Sovall. You've just cost yourself an invitation. Sarah, that wife of yours, she seems smart. One hour. JORDAN: Whoever it is, he knows both of you. NIGEL: Let's go. I'll drive the car. PHILLIP: Like hell you will. SARAH: I can drive myself. PHILLIP: Not with my money you won't. (Sarah and Phillip leave.) JORDAN: I'll get this stuff back to the lab. What are you waiting for? Go on. NIGEL: Thank you, Jordan. JORDAN: Nigel? Be careful. [Scene: Behind the Warehouse. Sarah and Phillip pull up in the car.] PHILLIP: I'll be just around the corner. Be careful. SARAH: Okay. (Sarah gets out of the car. Nigel watches her from near by. She walks down an alley and he follows closely behind. A man wearing a baseball cap walks out of the shadows and follows Sarah. Nigel rushes up to the man and grabs him from behind. The guy throws Nigel on the ground and points his gn. It's Woody.) WOODY: Freeze! NIGEL: Woody? WOODY: Nigel, you should've called me. SARAH: Nigel? What are you... (A car starts near by and drives off.) Oh my god. I missed the drop. You made me miss the drop. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Garret and the man are there. The man is laying on a gurney. Garret is doing a live autopsy on him.] MAN: I appreciate this, I really do. Lily, she's been so nice to me. I mean, really kind. GARRET: Yeah, she's great. MAN: Are you two... GARRET: Lily? No. We're just as you say, colleagues. MAN: Sorry. I thought I noticed... Are you married? GARRET: Was. MAN: What's that like? GARRET: It wasn't all bad. I try not to remember. MAN: That's where I got you bat. You don't have to have memories to know what it feels like to be in love. You remember the feeling, don't you? GARRET: I used to think I did. MAN: I think it's what keeps me going, knowing that it's out there, she's out there. GARRET: There's calluses. From some repetitious use holding a tool of some kind. Any idea what caused that? There's charcoal under your nails. MAN: Is that what that is? GARRET: Yeah. I think we're gone here. You can get on up. (The man sits up. He sees a picture pinned to a board.) MAN: That superior vena cave is too big. GARRET: Excuse me? MAN: No, whoever drew that made it larger than the arch of the aorta. GARRET: Did they? MAN: Yeah. It should be smaller and to the left. [Cut to the corridor. Lily is there. Garret walks up to her.] GARRET: Lily. I think he's a doctor. LILY: What? GARRET: John Doe. He knew specific details about an autopsy report and just answered five anatomy questions only a doctor would know. LILY: So if we cross reference our missing persons search with his description... GARRET: How many missing doctors can there be? LILY: I'll get Seely back here. [Scene: Police Station. Room. Nigel, Woody, Sarah and Phillip are there.] PHILLIP: So help me. If you have cost my daughter her life, I will kll you. WOODY: Mr. Sovall... PHILLIP: And bring this department to its knees if you're not thrown off the force. SARAH: They said no cops, Nigel. WOODY: Nigel didn't call me. NIGEL: I thought I could trust Bug. SARAH: I thought I could trust you. (The phone rings.) WOODY: All right, just stay calm, keep talking. (He pushes the button on the phone.) VOICE: We don't like games. PHILLIP: Give us another chance. SARAH: Please don't hurt my baby. VOICE: No promises. And no more police. PHILLIP: It won't happen again. I swear. VOICE: And yet there you are, Mr. Sovall. At the police station. (They look at each other.) PHILLIP: Look, what do you want from us? VOICE: Turn off the speaker and hand the phone to your wife. (Woody hands the phone to Sarah.) SARAH: Can I talk to her, please. No, please. Yes, I know where that is. I understand, I won't. Okay. Please don't hurt her. I promise. PHILLIP: Where did they say? SARAH: I can't tell you, they'll kll her. PHILLIP: Sarah. SARAH: I can't, I won't. They'll kll her. Don't you understand? WOODY: We can't take that risk, Mrs. Sovall. SARAH: I'm not his wife, detective. I'm Maddie's mother and I won't let them or any of you hurt her chances again. PHILLIP: Can you put a tail on her? WOODY: Yeah, I can tail her. SARAH: Still you can't trust me? Even with Maddie's life at stake? PHILLIP: Stop, just stop. Do you hear yourself? Don't do this, not now. SARAH: I never wanted your money before. PHILLIP: And it's not about the money. It's you, Sarah. They could just as easily hurt you. NIGEL: We have no choice but to trust that they won't. She has to go alone. I'll get back to the lab. Do whatever I can. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Jordan and Nigel are there.] JORDAN: I came up with a phantom hair. Not belonging to you, Sarah, Maddie or Phillip. NIGEL: DNA results? JORDAN: Working on it. So how you doing? NIGEL: I'm scrambling to pick up his voice, hopefully. If we adjust the altermodulations, strip away some of the layers of distortion. JORDAN: You may get close but not enough for a solid ID. (The DNA results show up on the computer.) And the winner is Beth Silas. Resident nurse at St. Joe's. NIGEL: Oh, right, Beth. JORDAN: Friend. NIGEL: Yeah, Maddie's godmother. She's quite a character but no way a suspect. JORDAN: I'm just saying... (Bug walks in.) BUG: You're back. NIGEL: You stay away from me. BUG: Look, Nigel, you were making a mistake. I only did what I would expect you would do for me. NIGEL: What, sab me in the back? JORDAN: Nigel, don't. NIGEL: You betrayed me, Bug. Just like I betrayed Sarah. BUG: Nigel, if there's anything I can do. NIGEL: You've done enough. (Nigel's phone rings.) Yeah, Woody. WOODY: Nige, meet us lake out water boathouse C. Sarah made a successful drop and that's where they said she'd find the girl. [Cut to the Conference Room. The man is there drawing. Garret and Lily are watching him from the corridor.] GARRET: The only missing doctors were a woman from Arizona and a thirty-one year old from St. Paul. He can't stay here any longer. LILY: What do you think'll happen to him if he never remembers? GARRET: I guess he'll start over. Clean slate. We have to tell him, Lily. [Time lapse. Conference Room.] MAN: It's okay. Really. I appreciate your trying. LILY: I got you some clothes. I hope they fit. GARRET: Listen, I'd like to help. (He gives him some money.) MAN: No, no, I couldn't. GARRET: No, I insist. You're gonna need it. (Matt walks in.) MATT: All right, hold the phone everybody. LILY: Why? Did you find something out? MATT: Did I ever. Turns out there was a mrder two nights ago in the apartment three stories above the alley where we found him. GARRET: So you think he did it? MATT: I don't know. But maybe he knows who did. Let's just see if we can't jog your memory down at the station. MAN: Thank you. Both of you for everything. I appreciate it so much. (Lily looks at his drawings.) LILY: You're an artist. GARRET: No. He's an illustrator. MATT: Great. You can draw me a picture of where you were the other night. GARRET: Wait a minute. Can you draw an adrenal vein? MAN: I think so. GARRET: I know how to figure out who you are. [Scene: Boathouse. Police have arrived. Nigel rushes up to an officer.] NIGEL: Where is she? Is she okay? OFFICER: In there. (He runs towards the boathouse.) NIGEL: Phillip. What happened? (Woody and Sarah walk out.) Sarah? (They hug.) WOODY: It's bad, Nige. It's bad. (Sarah runs off.) NIGEL: Sar... WOODY: There's nothing you can do. There's nothing you can do. Nigel, Nigel, Nigel. (Nigel runs into the boathouse. He sees blood on the floor leading to the water.) Emergency services is gonna drag the lake first thing in the morning. NIGEL: Why? Why, Woody? [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel and Bug are there. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: That was Woody. They still haven't recovered her body. He also wants you to give a statement at the precinct later. The sooner we can clear you the better. BUG: Wait. Nigel's a suspect? JORDAN: The father's pushing hard in every direction, apparently. NIGEL: Woody should just arrest me now. BUG: Nigel, you did nothing wrong. NIGEL: Yeah, but I did nothing right. [Scene: Police Station. Interview Room. Matt and the man are there.] MAN: I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. (Garret walks in.) MATT: We're not quite through here, Macy. GARRET: There are only a handful of anatomy illustrators in America. Even fewer in a missing persons report. Your name is Carl Meissner. You live on East Collins Road in Hope Valley, Rhode Island. It's about forty-five minutes from here. You've been married twenty-seven years. CARL: To Doris? GARRET: Yeah. Lily's tracking her down right now. MATT: None of which changes his current situation. So I'm afraid Mr. Meissner and I still have some unfinished business. (Garret leaves the room. Lily walks down the corridor.) LILY: Hey. GARRET: Did you find her? LILY: Uh, she doesn't wanna see him. Ever. GARRET: Well, did she say why? LILY: She was relieved that he was okay and then she said something about too much water under the bridge and then she hung up on me. I just don't believe that the same woman that wrote these words... It just doesn't seem right. GARRET: Okay, come with me. [Scene: Doris' House. Doris is out the front potting some plants. Garret and Lily walk up to her.] LILY: Excuse me, Mrs. Meissner? DORIS: Yeah? LILY: I spoke to you on the phone earlier about your husband. DORIS: And I thought I made myself clear. GARRET: Can I ask why you didn't report him missing? DORIS: Our marriage was no bed of roses. He walked out before, he always came back. GARRET: We believe this time Carl suffered some sort of trauma. DORIS: What kind of trauma? LILY: We think it might be amnesia. GARRET: Look, I don't know what went wrong between you two but at least tell us what happened to him. Was it something he did? DORIS: No, he didn't do anything. Don't get me wrong, Carl is no picnic. At least he didn't have an affair with my best friend. He came home last Friday and found me with his friend Doug. The look on his face. And he just ran off before I could explain to him that it didn't mean anything. It was just a terrible mistake. Give him my best, will you? LILY: That's it? Give him my best? DORIS: He deserves better than me. (Lily pulls out the letter.) LILY: You wrote this the year that you were married. It was the only thing Carl had on him. (She hands it to Doris.) The only thing he knows is that he is still in love with this woman. DORIS: Clearly that's not who I am anymore. GARRET: That's who he remembers. DORIS: After what I did to him? LILY: There may be a chance he'll never remember. DORIS: What are you saying? [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Jordan and Nigel are there. Bug walks in.] BUG: You were right about the blood not clotting properly. It was the little girl's, all right, but it wasn't fresh. NIGEL: What do you mean it wasn't fresh? BUG: Just that. Traces of the preservative formaldehyde suggests it could've been drawn days or even weeks ago. NIGEL: How's that possible? JORDAN: Nigel, did you take a look at your tox results? NIGEL: Why would I bother? I know what I've been up to. JORDAN: Well, you've got unusually high levels of codeine in your system. Prescription codeine ingested within I'd say the last 46 hours. NIGEL: Not by me. BUG: Then how'd it get there? NIGEL: The punch. JORDAN: Wait, what? BUG: Someone got punched? NIGEL: No, rum punch. We were drinking it. It was a special concoction of Beth's. BUG: Beth the nurse? JORDAN: Was she drinking it too? NIGEL: Of course she was, she was... JORDAN: Nigel, there's no codeine in her system. Are you sure she was drinking it? NIGEL: No, I'm not. BUG: I'll call Woody. (Bug walks away.) NIGEL: What about Sarah? JORDAN: You didn't check her results? Nigel. Did she drink the punch? [Scene: Sarah's Apartment. Nigel is standing in the hallway. Sarah opens the door.] NIGEL: Can I come in, please? SARAH: Nigel, I can't. I need to be alone for a while. (He pushes his way in.) NIGEL: Where is she? SARAH: Who? NIGEL: Well, let's start with Beth, shall we? I wanna get that recipe for the rum punch. Was it three hits of codeine or four? 'Cause, woo-hoo, I had quite a kick. SARAH: Nigel, what are you saying? NIGEL: You never drank from your glass, Sarah. You and Beth, you both raised your glasses, but you never did drink, did you? SARAH: Of course we did. NIGEL: Now where is she? SARAH: Who, Nigel? Where is who? (Nigel walks down the hallway.) Nigel, don't. Don't! (She grabs his arm.) NIGEL: Get off me. (He goes into Maddie's room. Beth and Maddie are there.) MADDIE: Nigel. NIGEL: Hey. (He hugs her.) MADDIE: Are you coming with us? NIGEL: Where were you last night, Maddie? MADDIE: At Beth's house. And now I'm going to New Zealand. It's supposed to be great. Have you ever been to New Zealand? NIGEL: No, sweetheart, I haven't. MADDIE: Can Nigel come, mum, please? SARAH: Maybe, sweetie. Maybe. (Nigel goes outside. Sarah follows.) Nigel, I was going to call you, I swear. As soon as the dust settled. NIGEL: All this for custody? SARAH: Phillip's evil, don't you see it? NIGEL: Not especially. SARAH: You don't know him. He wants Maddie all to himself. I can't let that happen. NIGEL: So you find a boyfriend in forensics to support your lie? You draw Maddie's blood, you take hair from her brush. All to convince me, so what, then I convince Phillip? SARAH: No, it wasn't like that. NIGEL: Leaving me not only to mourn Maddie, but to blame myself. I blamed myself! I'm being blamed by other people. SARAH: Then come with us. We're so close, Nigel. We're home free. I was going to call you, I swear it. NIGEL: Look, Sarah. SARAH: No, you look! You don't understand. He was going to take away my baby. Take her, keep her, lock her away just like he did me and never let her go. I can't let that happen. I can't. I won't. NIGEL: All right, Sarah. SARAH: Nigel, he's evil. NIGEL: I know. I see that now. SARAH: Please. Please come with us. NIGEL: Just, just give me a minute, okay? [Scene: Police Station. Interview Room. Carl is sitting there. Garret and Lily are watching from behind the mirror. Doris walks in.] DORIS: Hi. CARL: Hello. DORIS: I'm Doris. I'm your wife. CARL: Now what happens? DORIS: Maybe we could just talk. (She hands him the letter.) Belongs to you. Honey, you broke your glasses. CARL: I guess I fell. DORIS: Are you okay? CARL: It's smudged. DORIS: Let me see. (She takes the letter.) "In quiet moments without you, I still feel you next to me. Your touch, your skin, soft comfort of your voice. How I know we'll be together forever. Your strong arms around me. I'm safe. Lovers, friends, joined." (She starts to cry and hugs him.) CARL: Doris. Doris. [Cut to outside. Nigel is there. Phillip walks up to him.] PHILLIP: I suppose I owe you an apology. NIGEL: No. No, you don't. Take care of Maddie. (Maddie and a woman walk in.) MADDIE: Daddy! Daddy! (She runs over to him and he picks her up.) PHILLIP: Baby. MADDIE: I missed you. PHILLIP: I missed you. MADDIE: You know Nigel, daddy? Isn't he cool? Can we go colour? PHILLIP: Yes, we can go colour. We can colour right over here. (They go over to a desk. Near by, Woody brings in Sarah and Beth. Nigel goes into the corridor where Jordan and Bug are waiting.) JORDAN: Hey. NIGEL: Hey. BUG: So, uh, anyone up for a little all you can eat at the Beef and Brew? JORDAN: Sounds good to me. Nige? NIGEL: Sounds good. (They head for the door.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x20 - Forget Me Not"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Boardwalk. Jordan and Woody are jogging.] JORDAN: Next week, six miles. WOODY: Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. (They slow down to a walk.) Friday night, McGans Club. Patty Griffin's doing an acoustic show. You interested? JORDAN: Already going. WOODY: Really? JORDAN: Yeah. Lily set me up on a blind date. WOODY: Oh. JORDAN: It's no big deal. WOODY: I hope the two of you are very happy together. Remember to name your first born after me. JORDAN: Look, it's a blind date, not an arranged marriage. WOODY: Jordan, you wanna move on, great, go for it. Believe me, so am I. JORDAN: You know what? Let's set the record straight here, okay. First of all, you have moved on. More than a few times with people that I even know, huh. And second of all, you made it very clear that you think we're better off as friends. I am just trying to respect that. WOODY: Jordan, I only said that because I knew you wouldn't be able to say what I wanted to hear. It just never occurred to me that you'd meet some other guy and say it to him. JORDAN: It never occurred to you? (Woody's phone rings. He answers it.) WOODY: This is Hoyt. I'm on my way. (He hangs up.) JORDAN: Who is it? WOODY: Two officers down at Dorchester. [Scene: Street. Two police officers are laying in the middle of the street. Jordan and Woody arrive. An officer walks up to them.] OFFICER: We were responding to a 1062 armed robbery. Collins and Buck were first on the scene. When we arrived they'd already exited their vehicle, gn drawn. As they approached the store front, the subject fired two shts. Moments later he surrendered his wapon, turned himself in. WOODY: Where is he? (He points to a man near by.) JORDAN: And the gn? (He shows her the bagged gn.) 38 special fired from that distance? The guy's a lucky sht. WOODY: It only takes one. JORDAN: Or in this case two. (They kneel beside one of the officers.) WOODY: I knew Collins. He just celebrated his fifth year on the force. He wanted to make detective. (He goes over to the man and grabs him.) You're either real cocky or real stupid. My guess is both. MAN: I didn't sh*t nobody. WOODY: You see all these cops? You see them all? Not one of them will blink an eye... JORDAN: Woody. Collins is wearing his vest. No way a 38 could've penetrated it. WOODY: Well, if not this guy, who? OFFICER: When we arrived the area was clear. JORDAN: Those gn shts. Did they echo? OFFICER: Now that I think of it, yeah. WOODY: Means he was sht from a long distance. JORDAN: Only something high powered could pierce Kevlar. Like a rfle. WOODY: A snper. JORDAN: And didn't give a damn about klling cops. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Garret is walking down the corridor holding a t-shirt with "Told you I was dying" printed on it. Nigel walks out of a room.] GARRET: Nigel. Can you believe they had this hanging from a skeleton at a gift shop window? NIGEL: It does make one chuckle. GARRET: Makes us a joke. (Nigel walks away.) JACK SLOKUM: Well, that's a snappy shirt. GARRET: What are you doing here, Slokum? SLOKUM: Sylvia Moreau. GARRET: Since when does the governor's special commissioner on crime in the 21st century, interested in a su1c1de two decades old? SLOKUM: You remember the case? That's very impressive. Especially since you didn't even do an autopsy. GARRET: No defensive wounds, su1c1de note, injuries consistent with the jump. Autopsy wasn't warranted. SLOKUM: Except that her body landed twenty feet from the window. That's a distance that is patently indicative of a push. GARRET: Are you this desperate for my job? SLOKUM: A suspect came forward. Saw Terry Duvall leave Sylvia's house that night. GARRET: Witness comes forward nineteen years after the fact, just when Terry Duvall's running for senate. Sounds like politics of personal destruction. SLOKUM: You, you do earnest so well, I'll give you that. This is a mrder investigation. If I find that you have buried any evidence whatsoever, we're talking tampering, perjury, maybe a little jail time. Come on, do you wanna come clean? Okay. (He hands Garret a letter.) From the governor. You are now officially suspended. You got an hour. Take what you need, then get out. OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Everyone has gathered. Slokum stands at the doorway.] LILY: You know him? JORDAN: When I got called before the review panel, he's the ass who opposed my decertification. LILY: Hm. (Slokum walks in.) SLOKUM: I am Dr. Jack Slokum. Effective immediately. (He sees Sidney eating a donut.) Put your food down. (Sidney stares at him.) Do you think, do you think I'm kidding? Put the food down. (He does so.) Okay, effective immediately. The governor's asked me to assume the duties of the acting chief medical examiner. Garret Macy has been suspended pending an internal investigation. JORDAN: Where is he? SLOKUM: If you have any questions about appointment, call the governor. Let me save you some time. This was Bob's decision. This afternoon, a memo will circulate detailing my administrative changes. So until then, why don't we al go back to work, folks. A little enthusiasm. LILY: I have a friend in the governor's office. I'll figure out what this is about. SLOKUM: Dr. Cavanaugh, I'd like to see you for a moment. JORDAN: Actually, I've got a cop sh*ting in Trace. SLOKUM: Actually, Dr. Vijay? (Bug turns around.) Will take Dr. Cavanaugh's case. Now. (Bug walks away.) JORDAN: If you think you can just trump up charges to push Garret out. SLOKUM: Let me give you some advice, and it's free. Don't argue until you have the facts. JORDAN: I don't need facts. I know Garret Macy. SLOKUM: You know what I learned from your certification hearing? JORDAN: That I'm laggard and my autopsy rate is shamefully slow. SLOKUM: Yes, it is, but you are so thorough. And that is why you're going to assist me in my inquest. JORDAN: Inquest or inquisition? SLOKUM: I have an exhumed body coming in. I'll see you in Trace. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is watching the TV.] TERRY DUVALL: (on TV) There are allegations out there that I was somehow involved in a death of a young reporter some nineteen years ago. (Jordan knocks on the door and walks in.) JORDAN: I'm not letting this pompous little weasel push you out. GARRET: It's not your battle, Jordan. JORDAN: What'd you do? Kick his dog? (Garret turns off the TV.) GARRET: Twenty years ago, Duvall was Joe Lancaster's campaign manager. Reporter covering the election died. Now someone's trying to link Duvall to her death. It's my case. I ruled her to su1c1de. JORDAN: What does Slokum think he's gonna get from all this? GARRET: He's still pissed I got this job instead of him. He's out for blood. He's bringing down a senate candidate the governor doesn't like. JORDAN: He's having your su1c1de exhumed, and he wants me to assist on the autopsy. GARRET: That's smart. That way he can't be accused of railroading me. JORDAN: No, he's stupid. 'Cause I'm gonna make sure he can't touch you. GARRET: You want to help me? Do your job and find the truth. JORDAN: Garret, you gotta fight this. GARRET: Please, just do your job, Jordan. (Garret leaves the room. Lily rushes up to him.) LILY: Garret, are you okay? GARRET: Yeah. LILY: I can not believe they're doing this. Is there anything I can do? Anything that you need? GARRET: No, I'm fine, Lily. It's gonna be okay. (They walk towards the elevator. Lily hugs him.) It's gonna be all right. (Garret walks into the elevator.) LILY: You'll be back in a day. GARRET: Yeah. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Officers Buck and Collins are laying on gurneys. Bug, Sidney and Woody are there. Woody is on the phone.] SIDNEY: You know, pillow talk with that lady DA could've come back to bite Macy in the ass. BUG: Dr. Macy is the most trust worthy human being I know. Second only to my father. If anyone's playing dirty here, it's Slokum. WOODY: (on phone) Okay, thank you. (He hangs up.) Officers Collins and Buck busted some gng banger last year who swore he'd seek revenge when he got out of jail, which was three days ago. I just put out an APB on him. BUG: Well, whoever did this was a crack sht. 30 ought 6 rfle bllts, straight through the heart. SIDNEY: Straight through his Kevlar too. Your job has got a whole lot more dangers. BUG: How about you make yourself useful, huh? WOODY: He wanted the vest to protect him. We all do. BUG: We will get this guy, Woody. SIDNEY: Survey says... pstol. Classified as an armor piercing projectile which means that the bllet has a steel core. It's illegal except for its use by law enforcement or the military, or in this case... (He points to the word "Bundeswehr" on the screen.) WOODY: German armed forces. BUG: Which means our sh*t snuck the bllet into the country or... WOODY: Got it on the black market. And I think I know just the weiner schnitzel who might be selling them. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Sylvia Moreau's body is laying on a gurney. Jordan and Nigel are there. Slokum walks in.] SLOKUM: I don't remember saying start without me. JORDAN: You wanted me in Trace, I'm in Trace. The sooner we're done, the sooner you're outta here. Fractured depression on the base of the skull consistent with the jump. SLOKUM: Maybe. JORDAN: You do realise she left a su1c1de note. SLOKUM: Type written, unsigned. Convenient. JORDAN: Sylvia Moreau was a journalist. It was 1986. She typed. NIGEL: Speaking of which. You know the journal that we found in her casket? It's an account of Joe Lancaster's '86 senate campaign. That's why she met Duvall. It's pretty heavy stuff. "Just as Kennedy looked into his soul, and met the challenges of courage, so Joe Lancaster looks into his heart." SLOKUM: Do all tox results come with a dramatic reading? You know what I would do if I were you? I'd introduce myself to a barber. NIGEL: She had diazepam in her system. 2mg. SLOKUM: Thank you. JORDAN: Used to bat depression. Diagnosed in more two-thirds of all suicides. SLOKUM: Some people use them for pain, relaxant. 1980's, people popped them like Tic Tacs. JORDAN: How about this? Multiple scarring. This wasn't her first attempt at su1c1de. Not by a long sht. Hate to break it to you, but you may have to look for someone else's job to bulge. [Scene: Police Station. Interview Room. A man with a German accent is sitting there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Hansie! Looks like prison food did a number on you. You look like a Volkswagon. HANS: Why am I here? WOODY: pstol ought 6's. German made. They turn bllet proof vests into Swiss cheese. HANS: Tilsit. WOODY: Excuse me? HANS: Tilsit. Like Swiss cheese, only German. WOODY: Funny. Funny guy. You wanna know something even funnier? When my guys picked you up, they said they found all kinds of nzi paraphernalia in your apartment. Including some antique pstol. Now considering you're on parole for arms dealing, I'd say that's a big nein-nein, wouldn't you, Hansie? Spill it. Who'd you sell the bllts too? HANS: I'm legit now. I sell on eBay. WOODY: Ehh. Wrong answer. Try again. HANS: I do not sell these bllts. WOODY: You know, Hans, there are ways of making you talk. (Woody's phone rings.) Wait here. (He answers it.) This is Hoyt. What? Where? Okay, I'm on my way. (He hangs up and grabs Hans.) The stakes just went up, Hans. They went way up. Now if you did not sell those bllts, you're gonna find out who did and you're gonna tell me. Do you understand? Do you understand, mein herr? HANS: Yeah. [Scene: ME's Office. Lily walks down the corridor holding a stack of files. She sighs. Nigel walks out of Forensic Laboratory and bumps into her. She drops the files.] NIGEL: Sorry. (He helps her pick them up.) You still here? LILY: Slokum seems to think a grief counselor is a glorified file clerk. Thank you. He has been pulling every autopsy that Garret has ever done. NIGEL: Every? That's gotta be... LILY: Yeah. 5112. I'm not even half done. (They walk past Garret's office and see people moving around his stuff.) NIGEL: I thought this was temporary. (They see a typed up sign on the door reading "Dr. Jack Slokum M.D., Ph.D., J.D.") Oh, it's just pretentious. LILY: It's terrifying. [Scene: Street. Police are there. Another dad police officer is laying on some stairs outside and apartment building. Woody, Bug and Sidney walk over to the officer.] WOODY: The officers responded to a domestic disturbance. Husband was drunk, waving a gn, turns out it was not loaded. Officer Paddock talked him down and was taken out as he left the scene. BUG: One bllet to the chest. Pierced his vest, just like Collins and Buck. SIDNEY: This isn't just any snper, Woody. He's after cops. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan, Nigel and Slokum are there.] JORDAN: Depressed fractures. Uh, to the skull, the first vertebrae where her head struck the ground. I'd say cause of death is consistent with the jump. SLOKUM: Sure, lots of fractures, but none in the arms and wrists you'll notice. NIGEL: None? SLOKUM: Have you ever seen a jumper who didn't instinctively break their fall? JORDAN: Linear fractures. SLOKUM: So she fell on her head and feet at the same time. That's a very interesting bit of physics. JORDAN: She was already dad when she was thrown out the window. SLOKUM: There we are, doctor. JORDAN: Blood along the vertebrae and back of the brain. She was ht on the head. At least two blows. SLOKUM: Now in my limitive forensics, we don't call that su1c1de, we call that mrder. Do you still think Garret Macy is a saint? [Scene: Garret's Apartment. Garret is staring out the window, smoking a cigar. The phone rings and the machine picks up.] JORDAN'S VOICE: Garret, I hope you're doing okay. Slokum's got us all homicidal down here. Except for the guy in the gift shop. Not your biggest fan. Look, we got the body in of Sylvia Moreau. She was mrder, Garret. The physical condition of the body, the evidence at the scene all support the conclusions. But Slokum doesn't buy it was just a mistake. He's stepping up his witch hunt. Listen, I'm doing all I can but I... Call me, okay? (She hangs up. Garret picks up the phone.) [Scene: Boat Dock. Garret and Terry Duvall are there.] MAN: Mr. Duvall, it's time to go. TERRY: Give me a few more minutes. Chris'll wait. (to Garret) Someone saw a red car. I drove a red Camero. Run for office people will dig up dirt whether it's there or not. GARRET: It is. You were having an affair with Sylvia Moreau. You were at her summer house with her that night. (He offers Garret a donut.) TERRY: Sure you don't want one? GARRET: I'm not hungry. TERRY: Wife says comfort food's gonna kll me. Have you ever seen a man die from eating a donut? GARRET: Yeah, I have. TERRY: You saying you know I was there, you're implying you found evidence. Why don't you bring them forward? GARRET: You work for Joe Lancaster, the most powerful man in Massachusetts. He got to my boss, my boss got to me. Said you were about to get married and exposing your infidelity wouldn't serve anyone. And my investigation said it was su1c1de. TERRY: Look, I was young. I was from working class nowhere and I got a job working for Joe Lancaster. A man that I had admired my entire life. I was in way over my head with Sylvia and when I got home that night and I had found out she had klled herself, I made a choice. GARRET: What, to keep quiet? TERRY: To keep what I had. You and I both made choices. And you and I both know my being there doesn't say I klled her. It can't. Because I didn't. You go forward with your evidence, I go down. But I'm guessing you do as well. [Scene: Paddock Crime Scene. Bug is standing on the apartment stairs. Woody and Sidney are on the street.] SIDNEY: The bllet ht Paddock at a ninety-five degree angle. Now take into account these steps, this is consistent with the first two victims. BUG: That tells us the snper sht from street level, as opposed to a roof top. SIDNEY: Now since none of the bllts went through and through, we know he was at least a hundred and fifty feet away. Using a drag code friction, we figured out the average decrease of velocity which tells us the sht was standing about here. (He walks across the street.) It's not exactly the grassy knoll. WOODY: So what happens? Our snper saunters down in open street carrying a rfle, happens to see a cop and boom? SIDNEY: It doesn't make sense. I mean, a sht would have to sht from somewhere where he can't be seen. I mean, this clearly isn't it. WOODY: What if he was in a car? [Scene: ME's Office. Garret's Office. Slokum is sitting at the desk. Lily stands at the doorway holding a pile of files.] SLOKUM: Put them on the coffee table. Flip flopped, tab to tab. LILY: You asked me to speak to Sylvia Moreau's parents. They gave me the keys to their summer house where Sylvia died. They don't know what condition it's in, they haven't been back since. SLOKUM: Their grief works for us, doesn't it? A preserved crime scene. (She walks over to the desk and puts the files down.) LILY: You are wrong about Garret. He is an honourable man. He does everything with dignity. He forces all of us to follow the rules, even if he knows they're unpopular or it's just bureaucracy. He pushes us to find the truth. Always without fail. What you're accusing him of, he's just not capable of that. SLOKUM: Garret. You called your boss by his first name? That's interesting. LILY: We're family here. We were. (She pushes the pile of files and they fall over. She walks out.) SLOKUM: I said put them on the coffee table. [Scene: Outside Moreau's Summer House. Jordan and Slokum are at the bottom of a cliff. Slokum is laying on the ground where Sylvia Moreau was found.] JORDAN: Now there's a picture that I know would make a few people happy. SLOKUM: Well, it seems she fell more than twenty-three feet out from the house. Your favourite Dr. Macy either measured wrong or fudged it. (He gets up.) JORDAN: Why can't you just admit that you're in for Garret's job. SLOKUM: Oh, I'm three times more qualified for it, but that's not the point. Look, no one wants to believe that she was julled through the series or that Pete Rose bet on baseball. But someone has to come in here and find the truth. JORDAN: You think that's why people don't like you? SLOKUM: If you think that I don't know what they're saying about me. But Dr. Cavanaugh, there was a mrder. And I bet it happened in there. (He points to the house.) [Time lapse. Inside House. Sylvia's Room. Jordan points to a poster on the wall which reads "Lancaster for Senator".] JORDAN: She really believed in him. SLOKUM: Yeah, well, too bad she didn't get her --- tomorrow. JORDAN: Well, you sure love those toys. SLOKUM: That's because the truth is in the details. And this panascan allows me to create a duct. A virtual crime scene. JORDAN: If this is the crime scene. SLOKUM: This is the crime scene. JORDAN: Could you close that window? SLOKUM: Sure. (He does so. Jordan finds blood spatter on the carpet.) JORDAN: Medium velocity spatter pattern here. SLOKUM: Uh-huh. There you have it. Crime scene. If you want to get out of the way, please. (Jordan moves away.) JORDAN: So what do you think he ht her with? SLOKUM: Well, the spatter is proximate to the bed post. I think we can assume that Mr. Duvall... the assailant, introduced her head to this. (He takes a photo of the bed post. Jordan picks up a statue.) JORDAN: Or he kissed her. SLOKUM: What do you mean? JORDAN: Rodin's "The Kiss". I'm guessing that Duvall or whomever it was had a sense of irony. SLOKUM: Well, that's a good catch, doctor. Too bad you weren't on the case back then. Maybe Sylvia would've gotten some justice. Here. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Bug and Sidney are there. Woody walks in.] WOODY: Good news. Bruener saw the light. Says he found out about some ought 6's that were sold last week to a white male in his early 20s. Goes by the street name of Danger. SIDNEY: Oh, yeah, that's subtle. WOODY: Also, a neighbour at crime scene number two says he remembers seeing a blue mini van just before the shting. BUG: We haven't found anything that screams blue or mini van. But we'll keep looking. WOODY: She's decided he's not going to sit on this. He's authorised the state to flush this guy out. SIDNEY: What, like a fake radio call? WOODY: Send in decoy cops wearing level 4 Kevlar, so we'll be in position to take out this snper before he takes out anymore of us. (Lily walks in.) LILY: (to Woody) You. (She slaps a "Visitor" sticker onto his shirt.) When that comes off, you die. (Lily walks out.) BUG: Welcome to our hell. [Cut to Autopsy. Jordan is staring at Sylvia's body, deep in thought. Nigel walks in.] NIGEL: Sylvia's college transcripts, work records, list of friends. And I digitised all the original crime scene photos from the negatives to improve clarity. JORDAN: The statue's a match. It's the mrder wapon. NIGEL: I pulled the prints off it. It's a two point ridge match with Duvall. JORDAN: So it could be Duvall or 50,000 other guys. NIGEL: Yeah, but if it is Duvall, that's not good for Dr. M., is it? He call you back? JORDAN: I left a half a dozen messages. NIGEL: I just can't imagine this place without him. [Scene: Outside a Store. Woody is parked across the street. A SWAT team are in position on rooftops near by,] SWAT #1: Position 4, check. SWAT #2: Position 5, check. WOODY: Position 6, check. VOICE: SWAT's in place. Let's roll. (Two police cars pull up. Woody's phone rings. He answers it.) Not a good time, Bug. BUG: Listen, Woody. We found glass from a broken reverse light and some microscopic gold paint chip at both crime scenes. (Woody looks in his rear view mirror and sees a gold car parked behind him.) WOODY: You said gold, not blue? BUG: Yeah, affirmative. I ran it through the mass spectrometer. They come from a Buick Lesabre. Woody? (Woody hangs up.) WOODY: (on radio) The suspect is on Taff Street. I repeat, suspect is on Taff Street in a gold Lesabre. License plate 4149... (He sees the barrel of a rfle poke out from a missing reverse light.) Son of a bitch. (He starts the car and reverses back into the Lesabre. Woody gets out of the car. A young man gets out of the Lesabre and runs off.) Freeze! Police! (A police car pulls up.) Go get him! Get him! (Police officers chase after him. Woody goes to the trunk of the Lesabre and calls over SWAT. He opens the trunk to find a wounded kid pointing a rfle at them.) Easy. Easy. All right, come on. (He grabs the rfle off the kid.) Better call an ambulance. [Scene: ME's Office. Trace Evidence. Jordan is there looking at photos of Sylvia Moreau. She sees a piece of sash in the photo and then looks for it in the negatives. Some of the negatives are missing.] [Cut to Garret's Apartment. Hallway. Jordan bangs on the door. Garret opens it.] GARRET: Jordan, it's the middle of the night. JORDAN: You buried evidence. The piece of sash from her night gown, the negatives. You son of a bitch. You told me to find the truth. You knew the truth and you covered it up. [Scene: Garret's Apartment. Garret and Jordan are there.] JORDAN: All these years listening to your lectures, play by the rules, tow the line, don't rock the boat. GARRET: Are you done? JORDAN: What was on that missing piece of evidence? GARRET: Terry Duvall's fingerprint. It put him at the house but everything else, all the external injuries, everything at the scene said it was su1c1de. The Chief ME told me it wasn't our job to dredge up every private detail of her life. JORDAN: I was your case. GARRET: I was a year on the job. Abby was just born. JORDAN: The Garret Macy I know would've said to hell with that. GARRET: Not everyone can be you, Jordan. We gotta fight the system from the womb. JORDAN: You kept it buried, even now. You didn't trust me enough to help you? I mean, come on, what are we to each other? GARRET: I would've put you in the same position he put me in. JORDAN: Oh, that's crap. GARRET: You would've protected me. That's not what I wanted. JORDAN: Oh, yeah, that's right, you wanted the truth. That's why you pulled photos of negatives, destroyed evidence. GARRET: I never destroyed evidence. (He picks up a file.) It's the first draft of the autopsy report before I removed anything. Everything's logged and listed. You'll find the missing negatives and the piece of sash with Duvall's print in storage. JORDAN: You're giving this to me now? Great. Now I can bury Duvall and you. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Bug, Woody and Sidney are there. Bug's on the phone.] WOODY: Our sht, Tommy Riggs, 13 years old. Known to the local arcades as Trigger Happy. SIDNEY: You're telling me with a handle like that, no one saw him coming? WOODY: All right, we've got one half-brother, Wayne Riggs, 21, his street name is Danger. Unfortunately he's still at large. They lived with their father until two months ago, when he was klled by a police officer during a botched robbery. BUG: Is that what this has been about? Pay back? WOODY: When your dad's been klled, it's a strong motive. BUG: (on phone) Yes, still holding. SIDNEY: How about cherry blossoms? WOODY: How about them? SIDNEY: Well, I found hundreds of them inside the grill, underneath the hood. I mean, he probably parks the car outside near a bunch of cherry trees. BUG: (on phone) Thank you. (He hangs up.) And how about pink chalk? They found trace amounts in the tread of the car's left rear tire. WOODY: Left rear. That's where meter maids leave their mark. BUG: Exactly. And I just found out who the office of parking service is. Now, to make their lives easier they use different colour chalk in different neighbourhoods. (He goes to the computer.) In district 11, pink, is for Savin Hill. WOODY: Now we're talking. BUG: McConnell Park. Loaded with cherry trees. SIDNEY: Also lots of abandoned buildings around the area. It'll take forever just to search every nook and cranny. WOODY: Forever doesn't work for me. I'm gonna go see our boy Tommy. See what he can tell us. [Scene: Hospital. Room. Tommy is in bed. Woody is there.] WOODY: We know he's somewhere in Savin Hill, maybe near McConnell Park. Why are you protecting him? Huh? Do you see your brother here looking out for you? TOMMY: He takes care of me. WOODY: How? By making you the trigger man to three mrder and letting you take the fall. With a brother like that, who needs enemies. TOMMY: Shut up. WOODY: It's not a game, Tommy. klling cops does not get you the high score, it gets you life in prison. TOMMY: He's my brother. I can't rat him out. WOODY: Every cop in this city right now wants him in a body bag. I'll make you a deal. You tell me where your brother is and I swear I won't let anything happen to him. You've already lost a father, Tommy. You want to lose your brother too? [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. Jordan is on the computer. She has matched the fingerprint on the sash with Terry Duvall. Lily walks in.] LILY: Okay, will do let the orient express. Each of us takes a turn with a Knfe and plunges it in... JORDAN: Lily. LILY: I'm sorry. Slokum has me quantifying my job. You know what that means... (Jordan closes the door.) What's wrong? Jordan? JORDAN: He did it. LILY: Duvall? JORDAN: Garret. One person I thought I knew. He's been sitting on evidence that would help nail Duvall. LILY: He must have had a reason. JORDAN: He gave me the evidence. I bring this stuff forward, Slokum has everything he needs to take his license. At best. LILY: Whatever he did we're talking 20 years ago. It doesn't change who he is. JORDAN: He walked out of here yesterday and kept this stuff buried. (Nigel walks in.) You found something? NIGEL: I'm running Slokum's virtual crime scene. It's amazing. You can look at it in many angles... LILY: Nigel. NIGEL: Sorry. So I'm scanning the typewriter to see what kind of trace Slokum found, then I realised the typewriter ribbon is made of nylon. The finger print that we found on Sylvia's torn sash had traces of ink in it. I thought that was just from the process Dr. M. used back then to lift the print, but it also has nylon fibres. JORDAN: You're saying that Duvall touched the ribbon. NIGEL Exactly. And if he had ink on his fingers... JORDAN: Chances are he got it on something else. NIGEL: Yeah. Calibrated and ready to use. [Cut to Autopsy. Slokum is there looking at the negatives. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: Oh, hi, how's it going? SLOKUM: Do you know that it still jars me when things are out of place. Negative 24. It's not the original file. And this piece of torn sash is missing. Are you still gonna try and tell me this wasn't a cover up? Macy's on his way in. Then he's on his way out. [Scene: Abandoned Building. Police run in and search each room. Woody walks in behind them. He hears a door squeak and walks into a room, gn pointed. Wayne Riggs comes out behind him and points a rfle at him.] WAYNE: Don't turn around. WOODY: Don't be stupid, this place is surrounded. (Wayne shuts the door and locks it.) WAYNE: Drop the gn now. POLICE VOICE: Detective Hoyt. WOODY: Stand down. Everybody just stand down! (Woody puts his gn on the floor.) Your brother wants you to survive this. (Wayne kicks the gn away.) So do I. WAYNE: Right. Like anybody's gonna let me walk outta here. WOODY: I promised Tommy that I'd keep you safe. Okay? You put down that rfle, you and I, we'll walk out of here together. You can end this. Right now. WAYNE: You're right. (Wayne sh*t Woody in the stomach. Woody falls back onto the ground. The police try to get in from outside. Woody falls unconscious.) [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Garret and Slokum are there.] SLOKUM: I was just doing my job. I called it the way I saw it. What a great performance, Garret. GARRET: It wasn't a performance. SLOKUM: Yeah, you know, I could tear this entire place and everyone in it apart, just trying to figure out what you buried. On the other hand, I'm gonna offer you... (Jordan walks in.) JORDAN: Found Duvall. His fingerprint on Sylvia Moreau's campaign journal. GARRET: Campaign journal? SLOKUM: This is a private meeting. JORDAN: The print was laced with nylon from the typewriter ribbon. Duvall changed it before he typed her su1c1de note. SLOKUM: He took the time to change the ribbon during a mrder? Why? JORDAN: Because there was something on the old ribbon he didn't want anyone to find. SLOKUM: That's speculation. JORDAN: Look, you want Duvall. This print places him at the mrder scene. What's on the ribbon gives you motive. SLOKUM: Yeah, well, the ribbon is gone. GARRET: Forget the ribbon. You've got the typewriter roller. [Time lapse. Jordan, Garret and Slokum are scanning the typewriter roller. The letters on the roller show up on the computer.] JORDAN: Okay, here's the su1c1de note. And before that... SLOKUM: That looks like a letter to Duvall's fiance exposing their relationship. GARRET: And his relationship with three other women. SLOKUM: Duvall was a bad boy. JORDAN: Wait a minute. GARRET: "Joe Lancaster is not the man voters think he is." JORDAN: It's not Duvall she was sleeping with, it was Joe Lancaster. GARRET: This is a letter to the Boston Globe. There's our motive. Duvall klled her to keep her from destroying his mentor. JORDAN: Unless, that statue, The Kiss. Bit ironic as a mrder wapon. Maybe someone was trying to make a point. SLOKUM: Okay, I took a partial print here. And now I'm searching for Lancaster's to match. JORDAN: Lancaster klled her. SLOKUM: Yeah, but Duvall was the one who changed the ribbon. He cleaned up the mrder scene. GARRET: That was Duvall's choice. To protect his boss. (Jordan's cell rings. She answers it.) JORDAN: Cavanaugh. Where? What hospital? [Scene: Hospital. Jordan walks up to reception.] JORDAN: Detective Woody Hoyt. He was sht. NURSE: He's right there. (A doctor wheels Woody through the corridor. Jordan rushes to his side.) JORDAN: Woody. Oh, god. Tell me he's gonna be okay. DOCTOR: The bllet nicked him in the spine and he's bleeding internally. We won't know more until we open him up. JORDAN: Listen to me, Woody. You're not going anywhere, you understand? If you want out of my life, you find some other way. But I'm not letting you... You need to fight this. I can say what you want me to say. (Woody slowly wakes up.) Woody? (She leans close to his ear and whispers.) Please don't leave me. Please. DOCTOR: We've gotta go. JORDAN: I... (The doctor pushes Woody down the corridor. Jordan stands there and cries, then walks off.) [Time lapse. Jordan is sitting in the waiting room. Garret and Lily walk in. Jordan stands up and they all hug. They watch Wayne Riggs get wheeled past them.] [Cut to the Crypt. Nigel and Bug are there. Sidney walks in with Woody's vest. It has a bloody bllet hole in it. They look at each other.] [Cut to the Waiting Room. Jordan is pacing up and down. Lily brings in three coffees and the paper. She hands Garret the paper. The front page reads "Terrance Duvall Arrested. Candidate Accused: Accessory To mrder".] [Time lapse. Jordan is speaking to the doctor. She then walks into a room where Woody is.] JORDAN: Hey. So if you had to lose an organ, spleen's a good choice. Pretty useless anyhow. WOODY: Yeah, I guess. JORDAN: Dr. Turner said they're gonna wait until the morning to take you back into surgery. WOODY: Good. Give me a few more hours to lie here and think about how much my life is gonna suck when I can't walk anymore. JORDAN: You don't know that, Woody. There's a good chance there's no nerve damage. WOODY: 50/50. You making that bet? JORDAN: They're flying in a neurologist from New York. He's supposed to be the best. Right now you just need to relax, you need to rest. (She holds his hand.) WOODY: What you whispered to me when they were bringing me in. JORDAN: You heard that? WOODY: Yeah. Yeah, I heard that. You said it 'cause you felt sorry for me. JORDAN: What? No. WOODY: You think I'm crippled, so... JORDAN: Woody, no, I meant every word. (He pulls his hand away.) WOODY: Get outta here. JORDAN: Woody... WOODY: Screw your pity and get outta here. Now. (Upset and hurt, Jordan walks out of the room.) [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan's Office. Garret is there rummaging through the stuff on her desk. Jordan walks in.] JORDAN: Garret, what are you doing? GARRET: The evidence I covered up. I need it back. I can't bury it, not again. JORDAN: I can't do this. Not now. GARRET: Sylvia Moreau should've had justice 20 years ago. JORDAN: You do this, it'll be your job. Your career, maybe prison. Without that sash, Slokum has nothing. You don't have to do this. GARRET: If I can't do what's right, if I can't set an example, what good am I to anyone? [Cut to Garret's Office. Slokum is sitting at the desk. Garret walks in with the evidence.] SLOKUM: Well, it looks like you've won. Duvall is innocent. GARRET: It was never about winning. SLOKUM: You always take the high road. (Garret places the evidence on the desk.) GARRET: These people, they will go to the law for you if you let them. (Garret walks out and meets Jordan in the corridor. They walk towards the lobby. Nigel, Bug, Lily and Sidney come out and watch him leave. He walks into the elevator and the doors close.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "04x21 - Jump Push Fall"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: Hospital. Jordan is standing outside Woody's room watching him. He is asleep. A doctor checks on him and walks outside. Jordan walks with him down the corridor and asks him some questions. She sees Wayne Riggs laying in a bed in a room near by. He smiles.] JORDAN: What the hell are you staring at? OFFICER: I'm sorry, doctor, I can't let you in. JORDAN: No, I'm gonna wipe that smile off your damn face! OFFICER: Hey, that's enough, doc. [Time lapse. Woody's room. Jordan is standing there holding a plant. Woody slowly opens his eyes.] JORDAN: Wow. Looks like you'll be able to play violin again after all. Six weeks of rehab, you'll be good as new. Oh, they say that plants speed up recovery. Something about the chlorophyll. WOODY: I meant it, what I said last night. You whisper something in my ear, it's supposed to change everything. It doesn't. JORDAN: You've been through a lot, Woody. I think maybe we should talk about this later. WOODY: I'm serious. Just because I'm gonna get better... JORDAN: Woody... WOODY: Jordan. Leave. (She leaves the room and walks down the corridor. She goes to Wayne's room and opens the door. The officer is laying on the floor and Wayne is gone.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: ME's Office. Jordan walks out of the elevator still holding onto the plant. She sees Jack Slokum talking to Nigel near by. Jack flicks Nigel's hair. She walks into her office and closes the door.] [Scene: Eight Weeks Later. ME's Office. Jordan's Office. Jordan is there. She picks up the dad plant and throws it in the bin. She sits at her desk and looks at the paper. It reads "Cop kller Task Force Reduced: Riggs' Trail Cold".] [Cut to the Break Room. Bug and Lily are there. Nigel, with short hair, rushes over to the coffee.] NIGEL: Got 1 minute and 42 seconds before he makes his rounds again. BUG: There's no rule against getting a cup of coffee. LILY: Or in your case, five. NIGEL: I've gotta stay sharp, efficient. BUG: You're not getting fired, Nigel. NIGEL: Yep, that's easy for you to say. You're the teacher's pet. Anyway, how would you know? Unless you two have been talking about me behind my back. LILY: Oh, would you listen to yourselves? BUG: What? NIGEL: Well, you heard him. All that talk about efficiency. Someone is getting fired. (Sidney walks in.) It's between me and Sidney. And that little bugger's been putting in overtime. SIDNEY: You know what? No one's stopping you from coming in a little earlier. And face it. The dress code just comes a little easier to me. NIGEL: Oh, sure, yes. And your lips just happen to be placed strategically low enough to Slokum's ass. LILY: All right, stop it! You're being childish, both of you. Change is an inevitability in life. (Jordan walks in. Everyone continues on with what they were doing. Slokum walks in.) SLOKUM: Well, well, well. What do we have here? This must be an impromptu efficiency meeting. Or could it be the beginning of a coup? Hm? JORDAN: Just getting a little coffee. That's all. (Jordan walks away.) SLOKUM: I just got called by Detective Seely. He wants an ME on a crime scene down at Nutting Lake on some farm. Dr. Vijay, why don't you take one of these colleagues and go down there and see. NIGEL, SIDNEY: I'll do it, sir. NIGEL: Won't be a problem. SLOKUM: One of you will do. [Cut to Jordan's Office. Jordan is at her desk. There's a knock at the door.] JORDAN: Yeah, come in. (Lily walks in.) LILY: Hey. JORDAN: Aren't you supposed to be ignoring me too? LILY: They're disappointed, that's all. They've been expecting you to lead the revolution. JORDAN: I must've missed that memo. LILY: What's going on, Jordan? We haven't talked in weeks. JORDAN: I'm just doing my work. (Lily sees the newspaper on the desk.) LILY: Oh, I guess they're never gonna find him, are they? That must be tough on Woody. JORDAN: I wouldn't know. I haven't heard from him in two months. LILY: I thought you two were... JORDAN: I lied. I heard he got a desk job two weeks ago. I just assumed he'd call. LILY: People can have complicated reactions to traumatic events. It's not uncommon for someone to pull away from the very people that they care about the most. JORDAN: I pushed him away, Lily. I sat on the fence for too long and I pushed him away. (Slokum walks in.) SLOKUM: Dr. Cavanaugh, I noticed that you were scheduled for three autopsies today. You know the rules, you don't go home till you're finished. I would start with the burn victim in Trace. Thank you. (Slokum leaves, slamming the door behind him.) LILY: I hate him. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Sidney is there with the burn victim. Jordan walks in.] SIDNEY: John Doe. Found in a cardboard box behind North Station. Must've been cooking or something. All right, listen, I'm sorry about the cold shoulder, it's just... JORDAN: Forget about it. It's no big deal. I don't think this was a cooking accident, I've got bloody prints here. SIDNEY: Someone strangled him and then covered it up with a hibachi action? JORDAN: And these prints might belong to the mrder. Run them. And the blood too. SIDNEY: There something fused in his pocket. (He pulls a wallet off of the body and hands it to Jordan.) JORDAN: Hand me the acetone. (She pours a liquid over the man's driver's license and rubs it with a cotton bud. It removes the black stuff and reveals the man's identity.) SIDNEY: What is it? JORDAN: Wayne Riggs. SIDNEY: What, the same Wayne Riggs that sht Woody? JORDAN: Yeah, that Wayne Riggs. [Scene: A Farm. Two police cars and the ME's truck are parked outside the house. Nigel and Bug walk inside.] NIGEL: I feel like I'm in Kansas. MATT: Hey. What took you guys so long? (Bug sees a man in a suit leaning against the fireplace and looking out the window.) BUG: Who's the suit? MATT: Oh, not a suit. He's the body. (They walk over to the man. He's dad but still standing.) BUG: Rigor must be holding him up. MATT: Go ahead. Open the suit jacket. (Nigel pulls across the man's jacket and sees a big hole cut out of his chest.) You know, I never took anatomy, but isn't something supposed to be inside there? NIGEL: Yeah. His heart. It's missing. (The man falls backwards and Bug catches him. He's not impressed.) Well, don't look at me like that. I just touched the jacket. BUG: Rigor's waning. Which makes time of death 14-16 hours ago. ("Fear Me Now" is engraved in a piece of wood on the fireplace.) NIGEL: Someone went to a lot of trouble to set up this tableau. BUG: Who found the body? MATT: Wife. Margaret Titleman. She's been out all day looking for their dog. She's in there with her sons. (Bug goes into another room. Margaret is coughing.) BUG: Mrs. Titleman? Take deep breaths. Her eyes are jaundiced. (to the son) Does she have any liver problems? LYLE: No, I don't think... I don't think so. BUG: Mrs. Titleman? Mrs. Titleman? (Oliver walks in.) OLIVER: Here, try this. (He waves something under her nose.) BUG: Oliver. OLIVER: Dr. Vijay. Nice to see you again. It's terrible, isn't it? My stepfather. Just awful. MATT: Wait a minute, you two know each other? OLIVER: I'm sorry to hear about Dr. Macy. I was so hoping that he'd be here. Would you do me a favour? Tell him that I said hello. That I'm... back. [Scene: ME's Office. Nigel, Bug, Matt and Slokum are there.] BUG: He got off with an insanity defence and was sent to a juvenile psych hospital. NIGEL: Ridiculous. He should've gotten life. Instead he got a tree lined mental hospital out in Provincetown. MATT: Well, until last month at least. On his 21st birthday. BUG: Only took three years to convince his psychiatrist that he was cured. NIGEL: Sure enough, he mrder his stepfather this morning. SLOKUM: Three hours and the case is closed. Dr. Vijay, that's the kind of efficiency that makes my heart sing. (They walk into the corridor.) BUG: Actually, there's no evidence that ties him to the mrder, or rather there won't be. SLOKUM: Won't be? BUG: The mrder three years ago, he did it just to play a game of cat and mouse with Dr. Macy. NIGEL: He fancies himself as a forensics protege. A real geek for the stuff. He crafted the perfect mrder just to impress Dr. M. BUG: Only Dr. Macy tripped him up. MATT: Yeah, but these two think that the mrder this morning is Oliver's gauntlet. That he's asking Dr. Macy for a rematch. BUG: So bringing Dr. Macy onto the case may be the only way to catch this kid. SLOKUM: You know what I think? I think it's a load of crap. I wanna see every file on this kid's handiwork, then I want you to move the body from Trace to Autopsy. If you can't handle it, I sure can. And let me make this perfectly clear. Dr. Macy doesn't work here anymore. (Slokum walks away.) NIGEL: Doesn't he just light up a room? MATT: I'll get Walcott to go over his head. Authorise bringing Macy under consultant. But one of you guys are gonna have to ask him. That guy hates me. (Matt walks away.) NIGEL: Don't look at me. I'm in watch-my-own-ass mode around here, mate. You're gonna have to do it, Bug. BUG: Me? No way. What if Slokum finds out? NIGEL: Well, who are we gonna get to do it then? [Scene: Garret's Apartment. Jordan and Garret are there holding glasses of a green drink.] JORDAN: What is this? GARRET: Protein, Whey. A little green algae. JORDAN: Oh. It looks like stomach contents. (She has a sip.) Tastes like it too. GARRET: Oh, stop. JORDAN: So... are you in? GARRET: No, not interested. You'll catch him, you don't need me. JORDAN: Aren't you bored, Garret? GARRET: Not at all. I mean, I'm riding my bike an hour and a half every day, I'm reading books I never had the chance to read, I'm sleeping better. I should've done this years ago. JORDAN: Well, maybe you should just take up shuffleboard. GARRET: MY life has chapters, Jordan. And a meaningful life is one that recognises them and doesn't fight it. JORDAN: You get that from a fortune cookie? GARRET: I'm not coming back. JORDAN: He's gonna keep klling until he gets your attention. You know that. [Scene: ME's Office. Slokum's Office. Slokum is there pruning a bonsai tree. Outside Jordan walks up to Nigel, Lily and Bug.] JORDAN: Hey. BUG: Well? JORDAN: He's not coming back. (Slokum walks out of his office.) SLOKUM: And that surprises you? Wouldn't that mean the man is admitting defeat? JORDAN: Really? And how's that? SLOKUM: Well, just look at our efficiency rating since the man left. The fact is his tenure here was a disaster. The man has mediocre talent and questionable ethics. JORDAN: I think you should quit while you're ahead. SLOKUM: I think I'm just getting started. JORDAN: No, you're not. No. We've been listening to your crap for two months now. You're a bully and a creep, and the truth is no one here likes or respects you. (Sidney walks up to her.) SIDNEY: Uh, Jordan, I kind of need you. JORDAN: Not now. I watched you turn this morgue from a place we all loved into an al retentive dictatorship. You're an obsessive compulsive android with a Napoleon complex. And I actually live for the day when someone takes that bonsai tree of yours and shoves it so far up your ass... SIDNEY: Okay, Jordan, Jordan. JORDAN: You'll have pine needles coming out of your nose! SIDNEY: I really need to show you this. (Sidney pulls her away. Lily, Nigel and Bug snicker.) [Cut to Trace Evidence. Jordan and Sidney are there.] JORDAN: He's lucky I didn't kick him in the nuts. (Sidney shakes his head.) What? Wouldn't be the first time. SIDNEY: Jordan, that bloody print you had me trace, the one we thought might be Riggs' kller. JORDAN: What about it? SIDNEY: I traced it. (Sidney types on the computer keyboard and Woody's photo shows up.) It's a perfect match. [Scene: Police Station. Corridor. Woody is there. Jordan walks up to him.] JORDAN: Woody? WOODY: Oh, hey, Jordan, it's, uh, it's nice to see you. JORDAN: Nice to see you? Is that all? WOODY: No, I-I mean, you know, it's-it's nice to see you. It's been a while. JORDAN: Yeah, it has. We need to talk. (They walk into a room and she immediately starts yelling at him.) You lied, you son of a bitch, you told me that you weren't looking for Riggs. You didn't even care that the guy's dad. WOODY: I think I would remember if I klled a guy. JORDAN: Woody, we found your bloody prints on Riggs' neck! WOODY: Okay, yes, I was looking for Riggs but I never found him, Jordan. I swear. I found his fence. Some guy named Jack. That's the guy who sold Riggs the armor-piercing bllts. I got a little rough with him but I did not kll him, Jordan. Please, you gotta believe me. JORDAN: Woody, if you are lying to me, I swear to god. [Scene: ME's Office. Lobby. Garret walks out of the elevator and through the corridor. Lily, Nigel and Bug see him and follow him.] MAN: Dr. Macy? (Garret walks into Autopsy where Slokum is. He hands Slokum a letter.) SLOKUM: Very impressive. You and Walcott made a nice little end run around me, didn't you? You must be very proud of yourself. GARRET: All I wanna do is help get this kid off the street before he kills again. SLOKUM: Oh, I forgot how earnest you can be. GARRET: I know this kid and I know what he's capable of. SLOKUM: Right. He cut somebody's heart out. I've seen worse. GARRET: He performed a letter-perfect autopsy to remove the heart and make it look like cause of death. It's a riddle. SLOKUM: Oh, it's a riddle. So if you're so smart, what does it mean? (Lily walks in.) What does the kid want? LILY: Why don't you ask him yourself. Oliver Titleman's in the conference room. (Slokum leaves the room. Garret and Lily hug.) It is so good to see you. [Cut to the Conference Room. Garret, Slokum, Matt and Oliver are there.] OLIVER: It really is good to see you, Dr. Macy. I'm so sorry to hear that you've left the medical examiner's office. GARRET: I felt the same way when I heard you'd been released. OLIVER: I'm a different person now. I've worked hard to get better, get back to my family. I've learned a lot in those three years. Mostly that there really is no place like home. GARRET: Do you think anyone believes you didn't do this? OLIVER: Someone is setting me up. MATT: Mm, and who would want to do that? OLIVER: My release got a lot of people worked up. Families of the victims, people who refuse to believe that I can change. That's why we had to move so far out of town. (He pours a bag full of mail onto the table.) SLOKUM: You carry your own hate mail around? OLIVER: I think one of these people klled my stepfather. GARRET: It's pretty convenient, Oliver, bringing other suspects to our attention. OLIVER: If someone accused you of something, wanted to take away everything from you, you'd fight it. You wouldn't just walk away and accept defeat, would you? GARRET: We're not talking about me. OLIVER: Dr. Macy, you know me. I just really wanna help, that's all. GARRET: Then maybe we should let you. OLIVER: Really? SLOKUM: Dr. Macy... GARRET: Why don't you put on some scrubs, we can take a look at the body together. SLOKUM: Dr. Macy. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Jordan and Woody are there. Jordan is showing him an x-ray.] JORDAN: You're right. These molars here, they're not Riggs'. It's your fence. WOODY: Riggs klled him, stuck his wallet on the body, lit him on fre to make everyone believe that he was dad, and if that's the case, then maybe he left some evidence at the crime scene. Help tell us where he is. JORDAN: And how's that gonna help you? WOODY: I get to take a cop kller off the street. JORDAN: Your bloody prints were on this guy's neck, Woody. You were out there totally rogue working a case with no authority. You've got a lot of explaining to do. WOODY: Not if you don't tell anyone. JORDAN: You didn't call me for two months, Woody. Excuse me if I'm a little short on favours. WOODY: I'm sorry. I've been all messed up lately. The idea of him out there this whole time. I can't sleep at night without seeing his face. JORDAN: Vengeance is the answer? WOODY: Yes. Riggs thinks we think he's dad. He's gonna get careless, ease up. You call the task force in now, they're gonna turn the heat up, he is gone. JORDAN: I'm sorry, I have to. WOODY: No, you don't. How many times have I stuck my neck out for you, Jordan? I just want my life back. I don't want to push you away anymore, Jordan. I need closure on this. Help me find him. We can go back to the crime scene. Please. JORDAN: I'll hold the ID 24 hours. If we find him, we call the task force and you step aside. That's my offer. Take it or leave it. [Cut to Autopsy. Garret and Slokum are autopsying Oliver's stepfather. Nigel is near by.] SLOKUM: You and Seely are out of your minds. Letting a suspect sit in on an autopsy. It goes against every protocol imaginable. GARRET: Sun Tzu. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. SLOKUM: You know, DA be damned. This is my morgue. As soon as the governor returns my call... (Garret pours stomach contents into a container and it splashes over Slokum. Slokum gives him a look. Nigel hides a smile.) NIGEL: I'll, uh, run this. (Nigel picks up the container and leaves the room. Oliver walks in.) OLIVER: Hate to speak ill of the dad but he always was a heartless son of a bitch. But any man that can marry my mum. GARRET: What do you mean by that? OLIVER: They had their issues. She called him boring. He called her a witch. Love is complicated. So... where are we? SLOKUM: You keep your hands to yourself. GARRET: We're casting the wound to figure out the wapon. OLIVER: Something tells me this kller wouldn't have been so sloppy. You're wasting your time, doctor. When the cause of death is hidden, shouldn't you look more closely at tox? [Scene: Alley Crime Scene. Jordan, Woody and Sidney are there. Jordan has found some fingerprints.] SIDNEY: Nobody touches the van but me. Those were Slokum's words. JORDAN: I think I've got something here. Grab the digital. Accelerant and a partial print. WOODY: And you can run it right here against Riggs' print? JORDAN: Say what you will about Slokum but the man has purchased us some fine new toys. (They check it on the computer.) It's Riggs. SIDNEY: The accelerant has benzene in them. This is weird. The print has traces of calcium carbonate and talc in it. WOODY: Baby powder? JORDAN: Paint. SIDNEY: Well, green paint to be more specific. WOODY: So we need to find out where he came into contact with this paint. JORDAN: All right, Sidney, you and I will go back to the morgue. You trace the paint, I'll go back to the body. WOODY: I'll go back to a few of our fence's contacts. See if I can pick up a trail of what Riggs was trying to buy. JORDAN: Woody, we're gonna get this guy. [Scene: ME's Office. Garret, Nigel, Slokum and Oliver are there.] GARRET: Looks clean. No sign of any lethal poison. Just some sodium nitrite. NIGEL: Meat I found in his stomach is bathed in it. It's odd meat though. No pork of beef antibodies. It's unidentifiable. OLIVER: Any trace of thallium? His colouring could be hiding a rash. SLOKUM: Oh, you've read some books. No, there is no thallium. It's the first thing I checked for. OLIVER: What about acetone then? Wouldn't show up on a normal tox. No, wouldn't be that. Tastes nasty. No way he could've ingested that without knowing it. But then you knew that too then, right, doctor? GARRET: So maybe this is it. The perfect crime. OLIVER: Dr. Macy, you showed me that's not possible. Do we have a section of the kidneys? GARRET: Why? OLIVER: We're looking for a poison that doesn't show up on tox. How about Ethylene Glycole? (They test the kidneys.) GARRET: Look at that. Crystals in the kidney. Amazing guess, Oliver. Antifreeze. SLOKUM: It's sweet tasting, odourless, undetectable. OLIVER: Cause of shortness of breath, coughing, yellow tint to the eyes. NIGEL: Your mother. His mother. She had a yellow tint to the eyes, shortness of breath. She passed out when we were at the house. (Garret grabs Oliver.) GARRET: What'd you do you little freak? Did you poison her too? Get Seely on the phone. Tell him to get to Oliver's house now. [Scene: Oliver's House. Garret, Slokum, Matt and Oliver go into the bathroom.] OLIVER: Mum? Mum? (The shower has been sealed shut and it has filled with water. They see Margaret floating in the water.) Oh my god! Mum! (Garret grabs something and smashes the shower glass. The water pours out and Margaret lands on the floor.) [Scene: Oliver's House. Bathroom. Garret pushes Oliver out.] GARRET: Stop playing games, Oliver. What did you give her? OLIVER: She's my mother. GARRET: And you klled her. Steam got so hot in their she practically melted. MATT: Dr. Macy. GARRET: Back off, Seely! SLOKUM: Hey, Dr. Macy. GARRET: What, are you gonna tell me this is volence protocol? SLOKUM: Oh, no. I'm gonna tell you that he didn't do it. I'm gonna tell you that she was ht over the head. That the drain was intentionally clogged. That the door was epoxied shut from the outside. And there is a message on the mirror. The kller was here. This man has been with us all morning. GARRET: It's what he does. He set us up as his alibi. OLIVER: I'm the one who found the antifreeze. Why would I do that if I'm behind this? SLOKUM: Would you admit it finally that the game, whatever game you thought was going on here is over. (Lyle walks in.) OLIVER: Lyle, don't be brainless. The crime scene needs to be preserved. Come on. GARRET: (to Matt) You have to arrest him right now. MATT: Yeah, I'd like nothing better. Have you got any evidence? SLOKUM: There is none. We're his alibi. GARRET: I'll get the evidence. Just get him off the street before he kills someone else. SLOKUM: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You're gonna bet your entire career on this man's word? MATT: All right, you'd better be right. (Matt takes Oliver away.) [Time lapse. Garret is in the bathroom. He scrapes something off of the shower door. He then pulls hair out of the drain and swabs the "Fear me now" writing on the mirror.] [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Garret, Nigel, Bug and Slokum are there.] GARRET: Oliver rigged the whole thing. He starts by clogging the drain. He covers it up and mixes the dry epoxy. Then he sprinkles the dry epoxy on the outside of the shower door. It's invisible to the naked eye. The powdered epoxy is activated by the steam and heat, it seals shut. He uses some kind of oil on his finger to write his message on the mirror, then places dry ice in the shower vent. BUG: Mrs. Titleman comes home. She sees nothing. I mean, it's there but it's invisible. She turns on the shower, she gets in, the dry ice evaporates from the steam. Replacing oxygen with carbon dioxide, knocking her out cold. NIGEL: She hits her head on the soap dish on the way down, the shower fills up with water and the dry ice evaporates leaving no trace. And the oil that he used to write "fear me now" made what he wrote appear through the steam, as if the kller was actually there. GARRET: The perfect mrder. All done while he was with us. SLOKUM: It's brilliant. That is the most brilliant convoluted piece of fiction I have ever heard in my life. BUG: Well, I mean, it could work. SLOKUM: Or the carbon dioxide in her blood gas could indicate she was a smoker. Ergo, she had trouble breathing. The hair used to clog the drain. Was it Oliver's? BUG: No. SLOKUM: Excuse me? BUG: No. SLOKUM: No. How about the skin cells we found under her fingernails? NIGEL: Not his either. SLOKUM: Not his either. You know what, I think I'm done humouring the DA's office. I'm certainly done humouring you, Garret, and your pathetic attempt to hold onto this place. From this moment on, the case is closed to you, sir. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Woody and Sidney are there.] WOODY: Sidney, I came up empty. You got anything? SIDNEY: Yeah. It happens to be a high quality auto paint. Custom made for a H&B Auto Body out on Clement Street. WOODY: Jamaica Plain. I'm gonna get right over there. SIDNEY: Not so fast. It says here the place went out of business eight months ago. See, that doesn't make sense. That print is fresh. I mean, it's a day, two, tops. WOODY: Cross reference Riggs' employment record with the Auto Body shop's payroll roster. SIDNEY: Gotcha. Got it. WOODY: There it is. Wayne Riggs worked at the shop until it closed in March. Thank you, Sidney, thanks a lot. SIDNEY: Hey, you want me to fill Jordan in? WOODY: No, it's all right. I will. (Woody leaves the room and walks down the corridor. Jordan comes up to him.) JORDAN: Hey. This is getting very interesting. I just found new traces of polyisobutylene on the body. WOODY: Poly what? JORDAN: C4. explsives. Maybe that's what Riggs was buying off the fence. WOODY: That's great, Jordan. But I just came by to say goodbye. I gotta get back to my desk job. JORDAN: I don't understand. What happened? WOODY: I talked to Sidney. That print, he drew a blank. Didn't lead anywhere. JORDAN: But this C4, gives us something new to trace on him. WOODY: That's just it, we shouldn't be tracing anything. I've gotten too caught up in this, so have you. It's not good for me, it's not good for us. So let's just let the task force handle it. JORDAN: You're right. Uh, that's a very good choice. WOODY: Thank you for understanding. I gotta get back to work. (He starts to leave.) JORDAN: Hey, Woody, uh, call me sometime. (He leaves.) [Scene: ME's Office. Garret is heading for the elevator. Nigel stops him.] NIGEL: Dr. M, you can't let that little pillock push you out of here. Look, I found something. (They walk into Forensic Laboratory.) Oliver's an even sicker puppy than I thought. The hair in the drain that wasn't Oliver's, well, it wasn't some mystery kller's either. BUG: It didn't match anything that I found in the hate mail so I typed it. It's not even human. It's canine. More specifically a Cairn terrier. Like the one owned by the Titlemans. The one that went missing. NIGEL: So I did a serological antibody assess on the meat that I found inside the step dad's stomach. It's canine. GARRET: He ate the dog? BUG: The kid didn't just kll his mother and step father, he klled the little dog too. GARRET: That's the message. Man without heart, frozen in place, grey suit, grey complexion from the sodium nitrite. Witch of a mother klled with water, almost melted by steam. The little dog too. That's Oliver's game. Wizard of Oz. NIGEL: Tin man, wicked witch... BUG: And Toto too. GARRET: Pull everything you can on The Wizard of Oz. L. Frank Baum. Every book. (Matt walks in.) MATT: What, Oliver's in cahoots with the wicked witch now? GARRET: Aren't you supposed to be interrogating? MATT: Yeah. I questioned him, I booked him and the judge kicked him loose. GARRET: What? MATT: Something about needing evidence. His brother came down to pick him up. NIGEL: Doesn't Lyle see what Oliver's doing? MATT: Oliver's right. He's brainless. (Garret, Nigel and Bug run out of the room.) [Scene: Titleman Farm. Night. Garret, Nigel, Bug and Matt run into the corn field.] GARRET: Lyle! Lyle! NIGEL: Lyle! MATT: Lyle! BUG: Lyle! (They continue to shout his name.) GARRET: He's over here! (They find him tied to a cross wearing overalls and has a sack over his head. They pull the sack off and it's Oliver looking pretty sick.) Oliver. (They get him down.) MATT: Who did this to you, Oliver? Who did this to you? OLIVER: Lyle. [Scene: Abandoned Auto Body Shop. Night. Woody walks inside and looks around. He sees a bmb in the back of a car. Wayne sneaks up behind Woody and hits him with a chain. Woody falls to the ground.] WOODY: What are you planning to blow up, Riggs? WAYNE: I should've klled you when I had the chance. (Woody trips Wayne over and pulls out his gn. He grabs Wayne and pushes him against the car, gn pointed at his face.) WOODY: How much does it suck knowing that you're gonna die, huh? How much does it suck? WAYNE: Please don't kll me. WOODY: That's it. Beg. I want you to beg. Keep begging. (Jordan walks in.) JORDAN: Woody! WOODY: Jordan, what are you...? JORDAN: How big of a fool do you take me for? WOODY: This doesn't concern you. JORDAN: Oh, the hell it doesn't. WOODY: I watched my father die. sht by a nothing, just like this. JORDAN: Put the gn down. You don't want to do this. WOODY: Yeah, I do. VOICE: Police! Open the door! WOODY: You called this in? JORDAN: You didn't give me a choice! POLICE: Open the door! JORDAN: Woody, just give me the gn! (The police break down the door.) POLICE: We're on it, detective. (Woody steps away from Wayne. The police arrest Wayne.) [Time lapse. The Auto Shop is filled with police. Woody walks past Jordan.] JORDAN: That's it? You've got nothing to say to me? WOODY: Nope. JORDAN: You lied to me, Woody. You betrayed my trust, you used me. WOODY: At least I didn't rat you out. JORDAN: No, you said this was about us. That you needed closure so you could move on. WOODY: Oh, come on, Jordan. Does it always have to be about you? JORDAN: Whoa. You need help, Woody. WOODY: I don't need help. Especially not from you. (Woody walks away.) [Scene: Outside Oliver's House. Garret, Nigel, Bug and Matt are there. Police and an ambulance have arrived. Oliver is laying on a stretcher.] MATT: Well, they just picked up Lyle trying to use Oliver's credit card down at Fratelli's. He said Oliver sent him out for pizza. NIGEL: Let me guess. He has no idea what they're talking about. MATT: Still trying to work that brainless angle. BUG: I just finished pumping Oliver's stomach. It's full of ethylene glycole. The amount of bile they pulled from him, a few more minutes, he would've been dad. (Slokum walks up to them.) SLOKUM: How's this for irony, Garret? You saved him. The DNA they got under the mum's fingernails, Lyle's. That's the same DNA that they found on the hate mail he sent to Oliver. NIGEL: Nice. Hate mail from your own brother. SLOKUM: So Detective Seely, looks like you got on the wrong pony. See Dr. Vijay, you've got to watch the company you keep. Because inefficiency is contagious. BUG: You know, you're a real ass, Slokum. He just saved a man's life. I've been cowering from you since day one, but you're just a selfish, egotistical... GARRET: Don't, Bug, don't. He's right. If I hadn't had blinders on, I might've seen what Lyle was doing. NIGEL: Dr. M... GARRET: It's okay, Nigel. This was a mistake. Excuse me. (Garret walks over to Oliver.) I should've given you the benefit of the doubt. I'm sorry. [Scene: Garret's Apartment. Garret is there looking out the window. He has a sip of his drink.] OLIVER'S VOICE: Security in this building is a bit lacking, don't you think, Dr. Macy? (Garret turns around. Oliver is there.) GARRET: I see you've recovered from your brush with death. OLIVER: Thanks to you. GARRET: Is that why you're here? To thank me? OLIVER: I'm here because you disappoint me. GARRET: Really? Because I didn't see it coming? OLIVER: No. Because you let me get away with it. You know what you taught me, Dr. Macy? There isn't a perfect crime. Someone always must get caught. The trick is picking the right someone. GARRET: Your brother Lyle. OLIVER: You knew I set it up. Gave myself the poison. But you let me get away. You're weak. You let that pissant Slokum walk all over you. You're a coward. Now are you going to take the coward's way out? (Oliver pulls a noose out of his bag.) GARRET: So your step father's the tin man, your mother's the wicked witch and Lyle's the brainless scarecrow. I walked away so now I'm the cowardly lion. OLIVER: Too bad you figured it out too late. GARRET: I just have one question for you. If you're the wizard, who's the man behind the curtain? Come on, don't tell me you don't remember that part. When the real puppet master is revealed behind you, pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. OLIVER: You think you can distract me? Sixty seconds from now you will be out cold. Amobarbital in your scotch. GARRET: Sixty seconds from now you're going to be in custody. (He takes a sip of his drink. Matt comes out from behind the curtain, g*n pointed.) MATT: It's over, Oliver. OLIVER: No. It's never over. Because people love to save a lost cause. (Matt handcuffs Oliver.) And who's more lost than me? GARRET: You're not lost, Oliver. You're exactly where we want you. And this is iced tea. [Scene: ME's Office. Slokum is in his office. Outside Nigel, Bug, Lily and Sidney are laughing and hugging Garret. Slokum knocks on the window and Garret walks in.] SLOKUM: So if I were to say lucky guess, I guess that would be petty. GARRET: You petty? Never. SLOKUM: I have a gift for you. (He takes a folder out of the drawer.) Evidence from the Duvall case. I never had to use it, you hung yourself. Now here's my suggestion. You keep it right here in the desk, never let it see the light of day. GARRET: That desk belongs to you. SLOKUM: Well, actually, it is the Chief ME's desk. GARRET: I'm not following you. SLOKUM: I know I'm an ass. But I'm an ass with a heart. I'm efficient, I've been successful, but I'm feared. These people don't respect me. They will do nothing for me, they will do everything for you, Garret. So I'm giving you back your job. But don't you worry. I will be watching you from above. Think of me as your own personal guardian angel. (Slokum picks up his bonsai tree and walks away. Nigel walks in.) NIGEL: I can't believe this. This is great. This is fantastic. (He hugs Garret.) Oh, god, I couldn't stand another day in this damn thing. (He pulls off a wig and shakes out his long hair.) I was itching like crazy. Right, I gotta go tell everyone the good news. (Nigel runs off.) [Cut to the Lobby. Slokum is waiting there. The elevator opens and Jordan walks out.] SLOKUM: This didn't fit where you suggested. But since you're so fond of it. Here. (Jordan takes the tree. Slokum walks in the elevator.) Somehow I think you'll find the appropriate place to put it. (Jordan walks into Garret's office. Garret is sitting on the couch. Jordan puts the bonsai on the coffee table and sits beside him.) JORDAN: What do you think? Should I keep it? Or do we burn it and break out the marshmallows. GARRET: Sounds tempting but I'm too tired. It's been a long day. JORDAN: Yeah, me too. You wanna talk about it? GARRET: No. You? JORDAN: No. GARRET: Good. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "05x01 - There's No Place Like Home II"}	foreverdreaming
[Scene: ME's Office. Crypt. Bug pushes a body out of the elevator. Jordan walks in with four cups of coffee.] JORDAN: Bonjour! BUG: Practice the English, would you? JORDAN: This little caffeine place just opened up around the corner. No Carmel blendeds, no half-decafs. Just a little guy named Jean Paul who makes solo espresso. BUG: You're awfully perky this AM. JORDAN: Garret's back. The sweet Indian summer has settled over the city. It's one of those mornings you wake up knowing it's going to be a great day. BUG: No, not for everybody, apparently. JORDAN: Point taken. What's his story? BUG: Travelling salesman. Found him parked in a rental car, still clutching his half eaten chicken sandwich. He probably just choked on it. JORDAN: Yeah, probably. BUG: Except? Come on, Jordan, just say it. Except? JORDAN: There's a slight ligature mark on his neck which could indicate strangulation. Or maybe his collar's just a little too tight. (Bug takes a cup of coffee.) BUG: Grazie. JORDAN: Oh. Prego. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is having trouble opening the door with the punch code lock. Lily walks up to him.] LILY: It's 3727 pound. Remember? Dr. Slokum just thought it'd be easier. (Garret walks into his office. He sees a gift basket and flowers on his desk. Jordan walks in with the coffee.) JORDAN: (Speaks Italian.) Espresso, signori. (Speaks more Italian.) (She hands a cup to Garret, then one to Lily.) LILY: Ah, merci. JORDAN: Look, okay, I know you didn't want to make a big deal. So we cancelled the funk band and the gogo dancers, but I honestly can not express to you how happy we all are to have you back. GARRET: Thanks. Lily, call maintenance, will you? I want all punch code door locks gone from this morgue by the end of the day. [Cut to Trace Evidence. Nigel, Bug and the salesman's body are there. Nigel is looking through the salesman's cards in his wallet.] NIGEL: One Bram Rittenour from Buffalo, New York. Chamber of commerce, travelling sales association. Ooh, carpet salesman of the year 1989. BUG: Is there anything sadder than being carpet salesman of the year? NIGEL: How about still carrying the card in your wallet 16 years later. Poor Bram. Victim of his own lunch. BUG: You know, it's statements like those that truly reveal your limited grasp of scientific method. NIGEL: Excuse me? BUG: Prejudging on insufficient data. Ligature mark on his neck. Strangulation is a strong possibility. NIGEL: But there's no signs of a struggle. BUG: Yeah, well, there never is if it's done right. NIGEL: One contact lens. Tinted blue. He must've lost the other one and put his glasses on. BUG: This guy is a middle-aged salesman from Buffalo. What good are blue eyes gonna do him? (Lily walks in.) LILY: Guys? Mrs. Rittenour just arrived. If it's all right, she'd like to have a moment alone with her husband. NIGEL: Yes, of course. (A young, sexy woman walks in.) BUG: I'm sorry for your loss. NIGEL: Sorry. (Nigel, Bug and Lily walk out of the room and into the Break Room. Jordan is there.) BUG: That's it. I'm definitely getting tinted contacts, like, today. LILY: You guys are so cynical. Just because a lady has a nice figure, does not make her immune to falling in love. (They look at the TV.) NIGEL: Did you hear about this? Some biker's been leading four cruisers on a pursuit for the last two hours at Reading. (Garret walks in.) JORDAN: Why do I feel like I'm looking at my next call? BUG: I'm on it. I owe you from Thursday, remember? LILY: Traffic is a mess out there too. There's some sort of world economic thing going on at Chancellor Square all week. Is anyone making toast? JORDAN: I tell you what. If it ends vehicular, I got it. If it's gn, he's yours. GARRET: I'll take him. I could use a long drive. (Garret leaves the room.) JORDAN: First day. He's just getting his morgue legs back. NIGEL: I hear he's writing a novel. JORDAN: Yeah, I wouldn't mention that. LILY: Why does it smell like toast? (An alarm goes off.) BUG: (to Lily) Call 911. Now. JORDAN: It's coming from trace. (Jordan, Nigel and Bug run into Trace. Bram's body is on fre.) NIGEL: Oh my god. JORDAN: Hey! BUG: She's covered the sprinklers. (Jordan goes over to the woman.) WOMAN: Stay away from me! JORDAN: Put down the blow torch. WOMAN: They'll find me. I can't go to jail. JORDAN: What are you talking about? WOMAN: They'll find me. They'll kll me. JORDAN: No, no one's going to hurt you, okay? (The woman opens the window.) Just get down from there and we'll talk. I promise. No one's going to hurt you. Get down from the window and talk to me. Get down from there and talk, okay? WOMAN: It doesn't even matter. I'm already dad. (The woman jumps out of the window.) OPENING CREDITS [Scene: Outside the ME's Office. Jordan and Bug are crouching next to the girl's body.] BUG: Oh, this is sad. JORDAN: She didn't want to do this. Someone was forcing her. BUG: Well, whoever it was, they knew what they were doing. She doused the body with industrial methyl benzene. Very pro. (Woody walks up to them.) WOODY: Bug. Whatta we got? BUG: Uh, jumper, morgue, fre. WOODY: We ID'd the body yet? BUG: No, Jordan was just about to, um... I'll see what I can find out. (Bug walks away.) JORDAN: So this is the deal now? We're just gonna pretend we don't know each other? WOODY: What? Us? JORDAN: Yeah. WOODY: Jordan, I don't know what kind of problems you have, but I seriously suggest that you get over them and move on with your life. I'm great, I'm fine. JORDAN: Really? WOODY: Yeah, never been better. I'm five days into this total vegetable juice fast. Lifting weights, working out. Getting all the toxins out of my system. Wide open to a whole new world of possibilities. (His phone rings.) Excuse me. (He answers it.) This is Hoyt. Yeah, I'm here. (He walks away. Bug comes back.) JORDAN: Wow, that was weird. BUG: Yeah, so's this. Turns out our grieving widow was an employee at the Montecito Resort and Casino. JORDAN: In Las Vegas? (She dials her cell.) Hello, hi, uh, Danny McCoy, please. Could you tell him it's Dr. Jordan Cavanaugh calling? [Scene: Highway 111 - Reading. A biker is laying on the ground. Garret and a police officer walks up to the body.] OFFICER: We've been chasing this guy for hours. I mean, that bike could go. He clocked in at over 95. Then all of a sudden he stops and dismounts. No one fired a sht, I swear. I mean, we all drew our wapon. GARRET: Relax. If no one fired, there won't be any holes in him. Just tell me what happened. OFFICER: He was having trouble breathing. He raised his hands, he dropped to his knees, and then he just fell back and died. GARRET: Anything else? OFFICER: Yeah, he said something just before he closed his eyes. "Good ride." Kind of smiled when he said it. [Scene: Jordan's Apartment. Jordan is asleep in bed. There's a knock on the door. She wakes up and covers her head with a pillow. She gets up and opens the door. Danny McCoy is standing there.] JORDAN: One phone call and you just hop on a plane? DANNY: Nice jammies. JORDAN: Yeah, ducks. Thanks. DANNY: I would've picked you for the extra-large t-shirt type. JORDAN: No, no. Ducks. Quack. Yeah. DANNY: They're very nice. Not what I expected, but nice. JORDAN: You didn't just come all this way to check out my ducks. DANNY: No. That photo you emailed me of Bram Rittenour. JORDAN: Don't tell me. He's not really a mild-mannered carpet salesman from Buffalo? [Time lapse. They are watching a surveillance tape.] DANNY: Our facial recognition software matched the photo you sent, to this video surveillance footage of Rittenour. Or-or whoever he really is, meeting with Jimmy Ning 10 days ago at the Jacaranda. JORDAN: Who's Jimmy Ning? DANNY: Uh, the worst bad guy in Vegas. And as a sideline Ning has been known to finance some pretty spectacular heists. Usually involving gems or fine art. JORDAN: So Rittenour meets with Ning in Vegas, then a week and a half later he's dad in Boston. DANNY: Which leads us to Bridgette Sparks. A Montecito showgirl. One night she stole 40 grand from Ning's house, the next day she was gone. We all thought she was buried in the desert somewhere. Just like everyone else who crosses Ning. JORDAN: Okay, but she runs off to Boston. DANNY: Then Ning finds her and makes her a deal. JORDAN: Set a corpse on fre to hide evidence of a mrder. DANNY: Yeah. So all roads lead to Ning. And Ed Deline would like to assist in anyway possible to get Ning out of Vegas and into a nice cosy correctional facility. JORDAN: And thus, Danny McCoy, at my door. DANNY: You guys got a detective assigned to the case? JORDAN: Yeah, uh, we sure do. [Time lapse. Elevator. Woody is there. Danny walks in.] DANNY: Traffic out there is a bitch. WOODY: It's that global conference thing over at Chancellor Square. Danny McCoy. DANNY: Woody. (They laugh.) WOODY: What are you doing in Boston? Oh, no, no, no. This is not about that jumper from Vegas? DANNY: Yeah, looks like we're working together once again, my friend. WOODY: No, not together. Me police, you un-police. Thanks for the offer but I got this one. DANNY: Whoa, whoa. I thought we cleared all this territorial crap last year. WOODY: Let me guess. Big bad scary Ed Deline called up the chief and screamed down his neck? DANNY: No, big bad scary Ed called the commissioner, who called the chief, who called your captain. WOODY: Believe it or not, Danny, the Boston PD is not at the beck and call of some casino boss. And while you may be very capable when it comes to tossing drunks out of buffet lines, this is about real police work, as in badge, as in... (His phone rings.) Hold on a second, I gotta take this. Hello. Yes, sir. Yes, sir, I'm with him right now. Very well, sir. (He hangs up. The elevator doors open.) DANNY: After you. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Jordan and Nigel walk in.] JORDAN: John Doe formally known as Bram. NIGEL: His ID was bogus? JORDAN: Yeah. No big surprise. Hey, how far did you get before the fre? NIGEL: We'd just started removing the clothes. We got shoes, wallet, spectacles and contacts. (Jordan picks up the shoe and smells it.) JORDAN: They smell like accelerant. NIGEL: No, we definitely removed those before Lily and the widow entered the room. So was Danny McCoy of any help? (Jordan swabs the shoe.) JORDAN: Yeah, yeah. He stopped by last night. He seems pretty convinced that this thing has roots in Vegas. NIGEL: Stopped by? As in, uh, just in the neighbourhood kind of a thing? JORDAN: Run this through the gas chromatograph would you, please? (Woody and Danny walk in.) WOODY: Hey, Nige. What's up? NIGEL: Hey. (Danny walks over to Jordan.) DANNY: Hey. Get those ducks back to sleep last night? JORDAN: Yeah, I read them a bedtime story and they conked out pretty fast. NIGEL: Hey, guys. Have a looksee. It's aircraft fuel on the bottom of his shoes. Phenylenediamine is an antioxidant, the alkylamine of phosphate is a corrosive inhibiter. Different airports require specific additives depending on their locations. WOODY: So he was recently at an airport? NIGEL: Yeah. Specifically Barnstable. Due to the proximity of the oceans, it's the only one in the greater Boston area that requires both. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Garret is at one of the computers. Lily walks in.] LILY: I can't find a single living relative for Graydon Holt. GARRET: That's because he landed on the planet five and a half years ago. Social and license were both issued on the same day. LILY: He changed his name? GARRET: I ran dental x-rays. Looks like we've got a ht. (A photo of a man with short hair and a moustache shows up.) Graydon Nicholas the III. LILY: I can't believe that that's the same guy. GARRET: Patent attorney. Worked at his father's law firm at St. Paul, Minnesota. Reported missing five and a half years ago. LILY: How did that guy turn into that guy? (She compares the old photo of him with the photo now of him with long scruffy hair and beard.) Better contact his family. (Lily leaves. Garret walks into Autopsy. There are four bikers standing around Graydon's body with their heads bowed.) GARRET: Can I help you? BIKER #1: Whoa. We're here for Graydon's body. (One of the bikers grabs Graydon's body and throws him over his shoulder.) GARRET: Wait, wait, wait. He's scheduled for autopsy. BIKER #2: That won't be necessary, chief. We got it. GARRET: You can't do this. Wait a minute, you're breaking the law. BIKER #1: Look, I don't want to hurt you. We're taking Graydon, so just step out of the way. (The bikers leave.) [Scene: Barnstable Airport Hangars. Jordan, Nigel, Woody and Danny arrive outside.] JORDAN: We know this is the right hangar because...? WOODY: Airport manager said she rented it out a month ago. Four guys have been going in and out every day since. The funny thing, they don't own an airplane. DANNY: I'm going around back. WOODY: I'm with you. JORDAN: We'll get our kits. WOODY: Use channel 3. I'm in first. (Woody and Danny run around to the back door. It's locked. Woody bangs on the door.) Police! Open up! Go ahead, Danny. You wanna break the door down using your Kung Fu or something? (Danny grabs Woody's gn and fires at the security keypad.) Hey, hey, hey! I got get in a lot of trouble for that. (to his walkie talkie) 10-57 situation under control. (They walk inside.) DANNY: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Biometric laser security, man. They're gonna know we were here. WOODY: No prob. I'll leave them a business card. (The front doors open. Jordan and Nigel are standing there. They all walk to the centre of the hangar where there's office furniture set up.) NIGEL: Four of them all right. JORDAN: And they are thinking large. (They all start searching.) DANNY: Definitely looks like a heist is in the works. Look at this. 7:45, 7:50, 8:00. They're timing it out. WOODY: Looks like it was going down tomorrow night. I got plane tickets leaving for Los Angeles, New York, Montreal. All leaving Boston at midnight tomorrow. (He turns to Jordan who is searching a van.) What you got in there, Jordan? JORDAN: Uh, not much. (She throws a garbage bag out the back door and chopped up bodies fall out.) Except for the bodies. [Scene: ME's Office. Autopsy. Jordan, Nigel and Bug are there. They have laid out the chopped up bodies.] JORDAN: No haemorrhaging at the wounds. BUG: Ditto. JORDAN: I've got a double attck to the cranium, large calibre at close range. BUG: Again, ditto. JORDAN: So they were excuted then hacked post mortem, probably for disposal. BUG: I'll keep checking the bags. Maybe the kller left some DNA. NIGEL: I got IDs. Okay, the older chap is an Al Bergman. He worked at a place called Ipolita's in Chancellor Square. And the other guy is a Sal Lupini who is employed by a McSoileys Pub out at Southie. No arrests, no warrants. Upstanding citizens, both. BUG: Hello, hello, hello, hello. JORDAN: Oh, you got something? BUG: A blue contact lens. [Time lapse. Jordan is digging at Bram's face with tweezers. Nigel walks in.] NIGEL: Any news on the mysterious Mr. Doe? JORDAN: This guy's face is like an Easter egg hunt. Two cheek implants and an artificial bridge to the nose. Whoever he was, he worked really hard to become a nobody. NIGEL: Well, I've run dental and DNA. No hits on either. JORDAN: Bug had it right the first time. The guy wasn't mrder. He really did just choke on his chicken. [Time lapse. Conference Room. Jordan, Woody, Nigel, Bug and Danny are there. Woody is writing on a board.] WOODY: Okay. John Doe kills Al, kills Sal. Hacks up their bodies and stores them in a hangar. Why? What do they all have in common? NIGEL: Their names rhyme? I'm just saying. BUG: Yeah, that's it, genius. The next victim should be named Cal. DANNY: Where's Jimmy Ning? WOODY: John Doe chokes and gets lit up by our showgirl. DANNY: Jimmy Ning should be on the board. WOODY: This is a board for facts, Vegas boy. Not speculation. DANNY: Ning sent in the showgirl. He should be on the board. WOODY: Maybe, possibly. DANNY: Not maybe. WOODY: Just not a fact. JORDAN: John Doe met with Ning in Vegas a week and a half ago. WOODY: Who's side are you on here? DANNY: Mine. JORDAN: No, it's not about sides. BUG: Oh, for the love of Buddha, people. Would it kll you to write Ning on the board? DANNY: Not in green. Sal Lupini's in green. It implies a connection. WOODY: Maybe you'd prefer to do this yourself. DANNY: Yeah, I would. (He grabs a black pen and writes on the board.) Jimmy Ning sets a plan in motion to culminate tomorrow night. Some kind of a heist. Probably involving gems or fine art. WOODY: Speculation. DANNY: What, you think they're planning a clam dig? BUG: Oh, children, children. Look, is there one thing that we can all agree on? Anyone? (Jordan and Nigel raise their hands.) Yes, the lady in the back. (to Nigel) And not you. JORDAN: Doe's ID. Discovering his identity is key. BUG: Yes, good. Go with that. JORDAN: Okay, well, someone went to the trouble of torching a body, uh, who choked to death on a chicken salad sandwich. BUG: Which tells us one true thing. It's not about what he did, it's about who he is. [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is sitting at his desk. He takes a bottle of liquor out of his desk drawer and pours some into his coffee. He puts the bottle back. He looks at some photos of bikers at a bar. He enlarges the photo and gets the name of the bar off a sign. Lily walks in.] LILY: I just spoke with Graydon Nicholas's parents. They'll be in on the next flight in from St. Paul. GARRET: Okay. LILY: Of course they were anxious to know the cause of death. GARRET: Nothing yet. I've rescheduled autopsy for tomorrow. LILY: Why? GARRET: I'm chief ME, Lily. I don't need a reason. (He walks into the corridor. Lily follows.) LILY: They're gonna be in the office first thing tomorrow morning. The poor people haven't heard from their son since the day he disappeared. I don't know what was more upsetting. Finding out that he was dad or realising that he had been alive all this time. GARRET: He isn't here. LILY: What? GARRET: Some guys came and took him. I'll get him back. LILY: Garret. You have to report this. GARRET: Two days on the job and I lose a body after having all of Slokum's security locks removed. I'll get him back. [Scene: Pappy's Cantina. Garret walks in. He sees Graydon's body held up by a rope, sitting on a motorbike. Four bikers are standing around him.] BIKER #1: Unless you're here to pay your respects, we'll have to ask you to leave. GARRET: The body of Graydon Nicholas is the property of the state of Massachusetts and like it or not, he's going to be autopsied and buried according to the wishes of his family. BIKER #1: Look around. This is his family, man. And come daylight, we're going to bury him according to his own damn wishes. GARRET: You want me to call the cops? BIKER #1: Yeah. Tell 'em to bring it on be. There's a lot of bikers here. We ain't gonna give him up easy. GARRET: I'll let them know. BIKER #1: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Just whoa. You do this now and a lot of people are gonna get hurt. Come on, just let us have this one night. One night so that we can honour our friend. I'll bring the body back first thing in the morning. You have my word. You know, some men, they're pushed onto the wrong path in life. Until one day they wake up and they ask, "how did I get here?". You know what I'm saying? Graydon might have been raised a lawyer but he died a biker. He made that choice. And I'm asking you to respect that. GARRET: I want him back in my morgue the first thing tomorrow morning. BIKER #1: The first thing. All right. Hey, you wanna know something about Graydon? (He picks up a brown paper bag.) Take a look at that. Found it with his stuff. [Scene: ME's Office. Corridor. Danny is there.] DANNY: (on phone) I appreciate your help, sir. Thank you. (He hangs up. Jordan walks up to him.) Hey. JORDAN: Hey. I didn't even know you were still here. DANNY: I was just thinking about one of our vics, Sal Lupini, working at McSoiley's Pub. JORDAN: Yeah. I kind of bumped on that too. DANNY: I just spoke with the manager and he said he was renting his green card. His real name was Juan Floravista. JORDAN: Illegal. DANNY: Yeah. JORDAN: Anything else? DANNY: Uh, just that he had a second job working for his cousins. (They walk into the elevator.) So can I give you a lift? JORDAN: Thanks, I've got a car. DANNY: Can I give you a lift to your car? JORDAN: It's right outside. DANNY: Okay. Yeah, I should probably get back to the hotel. JORDAN: Yeah, you know, we probably shouldn't... DANNY: No, probably not. JORDAN: On the other hand it's kind of a nice night for a drive. [Scene: Barnstable Airport Hangar. Jordan and Danny pull up in the car. They get out.] DANNY: When you said go for a drive, I was thinking margaritas, a live band, maybe , I don't know, throw a mattress in the back of the El Camino. JORDAN: Hold that thought. Look, we know that John Doe was in the back of that truck. There's gotta be trace in there that can tell us who he is. DANNY: There were two officers stationed outside that door this afternoon. JORDAN: This is supposed to be a preserved crime scene. DANNY: Wait here. (He walks towards the door. Jordan follows.) JORDAN: No. DANNY: What do you mean no? JORDAN: Why should I wait? Because you're the boy and I'm the girl? DANNY: Yeah, because I'm the boy and I said to wait. Now wait right here. Please. JORDAN: Are you kidding? DANNY: Jordan, please, wait. (Jordan stops. He opens the door and walks inside.) JORDAN: He always gets to be the boy. (Jordan follows him in. He gives her a look. He turns on the lights and the hangar is completely empty.) [Scene: Barnstable Airport Hangar. CSU have arrived. Jordan, , Nigel, Woody and Danny are there.] WOODY: (on phone) Did you see their badges? Just answer the question. Did you see their stinkin' badges? JORDAN: Not a print to be found. DANNY: They had all that equipment packed up in a heartbeat. (Woody hangs up.) WOODY: All right. That was one of the Uni's on watch. Three males, Caucasian, 30s, flashed badges saying they were with CSU. Relieved the officers of their post. JORDAN: These guys have cajones. NIGEL: Guys? JORDAN: Whatta you got? NIGEL: A very cool program, actually. Not quite legal but it's effective nonetheless. It tracks incoming calls back to their cell tower. Now, 17 of the last calls made to this location was from Las Vegas. Listed to a Duxos Industries. DANNY: Jimmy Ning's shell company. I've been telling you all along this whole thing's been coming from Vegas, haven't I? WOODY: If that guy's gonna mess with my town, torch a morgue, stage some heist from 2000 miles away. Well, I'm bringing it to him. JORDAN: So, what, you're just gonna drop everything and jump on a plane? WOODY: Plane, train, I'll parachute in if I have to. I'm going to Vegas. [Scene: Las Vegas. Montecito Resort and Casino. Woody walks in. Sam walks up to him.] WOODY: Samantha Marquez. SAM: Hey, Woody. (He kisses her on the cheek.) WOODY: Girl, you look amazing. SAM: Walk with me. I had my security guys put a file together. Everything you've ever wanted to know about Jimmy Ning. See this? He left China ten years ago with 20 million in stolen bonds. They've been trying to get him back ever since to stand trial for treason. WOODY: No luck? SAM: No. But I hear the Chinese ambassador's been working over time to make a deal for his extradition. WOODY: Any idea what he was up to out of Boston? SAM: No, but if I were you I'd station armed militia around every gem dealer and art museum in town. As you know, the Montecito would be eternally grateful to see Ning behind bars. So if there's anything I can do to help. WOODY: Just get me in the man's face. [Scene: ME's Office. Garret's Office. Garret is there rolling up a roll of toilet paper. The toilet paper has handwritten words on it. Lily walks in.] LILY: Mr. Nicholas just called from the airport Holiday Inn. I told him we needed a few more hours. Garret, this has gone on long enough. If a body is missing... GARRET: I found him. LILY: You did? Where is he? GARRET: Maybe where he belongs. LILY: Garret, you're not making any sense. GARRET: A man grows up and becomes an attorney. Then one day he decides he's not that person anymore. Why? Because he made a choice. Maybe not a choice you or I can understand but a choice. He didn't just drift through. He didn't stay a doctor because that's what his parents wanted. He looked in the mirror and chose his own destiny. LILY: You mean a lawyer? GARRET: Lawyer. That's what I said. LILY: You said doctor. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Nigel and Bug are there.] NIGEL: Okay, I have one trick yet up my sleeve. 3D laser scan of John Doe's skull. Now, the program rebuilds his facial construction, approximating what the man would have looked like... JORDAN: Before he had all that plastic surgery. NIGEL: With each new line of data, it runs a comparison on every photo on the NCIC. JORDAN: You keep working on Doe, I'm gonna go back to our two vics. There's gotta be something that connects those two. (The bikers walk in with Graydon.) Hey. How's it going? [Cut to Garret's Office. Garret is there. Nigel comes to the door.] NIGEL: Dr. M? There's some friends of yours here to see you. (The bikers walk in.) GARRET: Come with me. (The bikers follow Garret through the corridor. Jordan, Nigel and Bug decide to follow as well. They pass Lily who decides to join. Garret and the bikers walk into Autopsy and they place Graydon on a table.) You said first thing in the morning. It's 20 minutes after 3:00. BIKER #1: The bikers morning. [Cut to Forensic Laboratory. Jordan, Nigel, Bug and Danny are there. Jordan is looking through a microscope. Nigel and Bug are staring at the computers.] BUG: It's kind of like watching a fre. NIGEL: You know, you really don't have to hang around just to sit here staring at the screen. BUG: Yeah, you're right. I could be at home staring at another screen. In the morning, you guys. DANNY: Yep. JORDAN: See ya, Bug. (Bug leaves.) One of our vics, Juan Floravista, there's definitely something up with his hair. Like he was working around strong chemicals. Now, if I run it through the ICPMS... (She puts the hair in a machine.) NIGEL: White phosphorus. Not something you'd expect to find in your average pub. Irish or otherwise. JORDAN: Yeah, you find that in dry cleaners. DANNY: The manager at the pub said that he worked a second job for some cousins somewhere. NIGEL: Floravista Cleaners? Chancellor Square? JORDAN: Which is where our other vic worked at a restaurant. Isn't that where that summit's going on? NIGEL: Yeah. World Economic Forum. 22 countries, 4 days. DANNY: Security would be tight. No one in or out except for employees with security clearance. NIGEL: Chancellor Square, ladies and gentleman. Courtesy of the Boston zoning commission database. 30 shops, banks, jewellery stores, hotels, all connected by subterranean corridors and kitchens. DANNY: The basement. That's the blueprint that was tacked to the wall at the hangar. JORDAN: Whatever Ning's up to, it's happening at Chancellor Square. And it's happening tonight. [Scene: ME's Office. Conference Room. Garret, Lily and Mr. and Mrs. Nicholas are there.] MR. NICHOLAS: He was a difficult teen. Always sneaking out and riding those damn motorcycles. I can't tell you how humiliating this has been. To raise a son, push him along through law school, and then to discover his entire disappearance was a hoax. LILY: Uh, your son died of a cerebral colloid cyst. Medical records show he was diagnosed a little over 6 years ago. MR. NICHOLAS: 6 years? You're telling me he was diagnosed before he left St. Paul? MRS. NICHOLAS: He never said a word. GARRET: Well, he knew it was inoperable and he knew it would be fatal. So he made a choice. To take the time he had left to live a life he loved. MR. NICHOLAS: Being in a gng and riding motorcycles and running from the police? LILY: Well, um, it's been a long day. I'm sure you're both anxious to start the arrangements to transport his body. GARRET: That's not a very good idea. See, Graydon left a will. (He pulls out the toilet paper from a paper bag.) LILY: On toilet paper? GARRET: Written in a bathroom stall in a biker bar under the influence of a great deal of tequila. So it states. In it he specifies how he wanted his remains to be laid to rest and it wasn't in the family plot. MR. NICHOLAS: I don't care what it says on some roll of toilet paper. My son will be buried as we see fit. This would never hold up in court. GARRET: Now you see, you're not in court. You're in a morgue, you're in my morgue. LILY: What Dr. Macy means to say is that I think... GARRET: Graydon knew he was going to die. He chose how he wanted to be remembered. And I for one intend to respect that. You've come a long way. Why not find out who your son really was. [Scene: Las Vegas. Montecito swimming pool. Woody and Sam are there.] WOODY: I'm telling you, I love this town. I'm glad to see they haven't changed the dress code. Look how small these bathing suits are. SAM: Vegas is Vegas. WOODY: That's what I love about it. The weather, the women. Did I mention the women? SAM: You are just bouncing off the walls today. WOODY: Vegetable juice, Sam. Nothing but 100% pure vegetable juice for the last 7 days and I've never had so much energy. You sure we're gonna find him here? SAM: Hot's his usual spot. Jimmy Ning likes to do his business post side. WOODY: There he is. 12 o'clock. SAM: Hm, that's interesting. One of his bodyguard's doesn't hang out at the Montecito pools. WOODY: Really? SAM: Yeah, he's a real charmer. You know, kind that beats up his girlfriend for the exercise. WOODY: He doesn't look like that bad of a guy. Maybe you could, you know, go up, get caught up with him. SAM: Yeah. (Woody walks up to Jimmy Ning. Sam goes and flirts with the bodyguard.) WOODY: Mr. Ning. Hi. Could I have a moment of your time? JIMMY: Not unless you got a badge. WOODY: Actually I do. It's from the Boston police department. Come on. Home of 2004 world series champs. JIMMY: I was there once many years ago. Too cold. WOODY: We know what you're planning out at that airport hangar and we're not gonna let you get away with it. JIMMY: If you had any dirt on me, you'd be reading me Miranda, right? (Jimmy tries to walk away but Woody stops him.) WOODY: You're right, you're right. I am way out of my jurisdiction. Out here I'm not even a cop. JIMMY: You're right. Out here you're just another mook in Vegas. (One of his bodyguards punches Woody in the face and pushes him into the pool. Jimmy and his bodyguards walk off. Sam rushes over to him and helps him out.) WOODY: Please tell me that was worth it. SAM: He's got an office at the Viceroy. Suite 1900. [Scene: Viceroy Hotel. Jimmy Ning's Suite. Woody and Sam open the door using a swipe card.] WOODY: Where do you even get a thing like that? SAM: I know a guy. WOODY: Who knows a guy. SAM: What are we looking for? WOODY: I'll know it when we find it. But let's find it fast. I don't want to end up a skeleton buried under some cactus with cute little wolf pups gnawing at my bones. SAM: There are no wolves in the desert. There are coyotes though. WOODY: We know from his calls that Ning was conducting all of his business in Boston from this room. Hey, are you sure this was the only shirt available in the entire gift shop? (He's referring to the bright pink t-shirt he's wearing with the words "The Last Virgin in Vegas" printed on it.) SAM: It's the only one I saw. (He turns around and on the back reads "Be gentle". They search the room. Sam sits on Woody's shoulders and looks in a pot plant on top of a cupboard. She pulls out a flash drive.) Jackpot. WOODY: What is it? What is it? (Woody puts Sam down.) It's a computer flash drive. Let's go find out what's on it. SAM: Now can you just take this without a warrant? WOODY: Not as a cop. But out here I'm just another mook in Vegas. [Scene: ME's Office. Forensic Laboratory. Nigel is pacing up and down. A database match is finally found for John Doe.] NIGEL: Sweet bullocks of Borneo! [Scene: Chancellor Square. A large group of protestors are in front of a building. Jordan and Danny are there.] JORDAN: So where do we start? DANNY: The protestors' signs are in Chinese. I'm gonna check it out. (Jordan's phone rings. She answers it.) JORDAN: Nige? NIGEL: John Doe is Jukka Johannsen. JORDAN: Who? NIGEL: I Googled him. He's the highest paid ht man in the business. He's the legend of the trade. JORDAN: So you're telling me Ning hired a ht man? NIGEL: Apparently he supposedly died in '98 but merely transformed himself into mild-mannered carpet salesman. JORDAN: If Ning hired a ht man than this was never really about a heist. NIGEL: No, no, no, this is about a ht. JORDAN: Okay, you call PD and FBI. I'll try to notify somebody here on the ground. DANNY: The ambassador of China is here. He just finished giving a speech. JORDAN: He's the target, Danny. China wants to extradite Jimmy Ning. The ambassador's been leading the charge. They're gonna assassinate the ambassador of China. [Scene: Chancellor Square. Continued from before.] JORDAN: (on phone) Anything you can find, Nige. As fast as you can find it. (to Danny) We gotta tell secret service, Danny. DANNY: The ambassador just left the stage. He just left the room. This is going down now. JORDAN: Danny... DANNY: If we tap some agent on the shoulder and say assassination, we're gonna be hauled out for questioning for two days. We gotta get inside. JORDAN: (on phone) Yeah. NIGEL: According to the official schedule, the ambassador is to attend a dinner at 8:00 at Ipolita's Restaurant on the opposite end of the block. They're gonna be transporting him through the basement corridors. JORDAN: It's 8:04 now. How the hell do we get in there? NIGEL: There's one access point half way up the north side of the block. It's a narrow stairwell. Go down one flight, through the boiler room, up one flight, you'll be in Ipolita's kitchen. (Jordan and Danny run to the narrow stairwell.) JORDAN: Why isn't there a uniform posted at this entrance? DANNY: The surveillance camera's been disabled. (They walk down the stairs and through the boiler room. Danny finds a dad guard on the ground.) They klled the guard. (Danny takes a baton off the guard and they continue up the stairs and into the kitchen. The ambassador and his bodyguards walk in. Danny sees a chef pull out a gn. He hits the chef with the baton and punches him in the face. Another chef pulls out a gn. Jordan grabs a pizza paddle and hits the chef with it.) SECRET SERVICE: Secret Service! Freeze! Hands in the air! (Jordan and Danny raise their hands.) DANNY: (whispers) Nice. JORDAN: (whispers) Thanks. [Scene: Las Vegas. Casino. Jimmy Ning is at the Craps table. Sam walks up to him.] SAM: Mr. Ning. JIMMY: Hello. JIMMY: Looks like you're on quite a roll. SAM: What can I say? I've always been lucky with the dice. (Woody walks up to him.) WOODY: Good for you. I'm sure you'll be winning lots of cigarettes in the long years to come. POLICE: Jimmy Ning. You're under arrest for the mrder for hire of Juan Floravista and Al Bergman. JIMMY: This is ridiculous. You've got nothing. WOODY: Except for the phone records, leisures and money transfers to Boston. Lot of material turned up in the search. JIMMY: You searched my place without a warrant? WOODY: Actually, we did have a warrant based on your computer files. Seems that one of your flash drives turned up in metro lost and found. You really gotta be more careful where you leave you stuff. (They take Jimmy away.) Can I get you a drink? SAM: Raw vegetable juice? WOODY: Seven days is long enough. I was thinking of something a little stronger. [Scene: Pappy's Cantina. Graydon's funeral is taking place. Biker #1 is reading from the roll of toilet paper.] BIKER #1: "And when I see the Reaper coming, I will not stop to greet him. Like a rabbit on the blacktop, I will race him down the road. For in my soul I am a hellhound, and a hellhound I must die. So won't you bury me with a hog I love in a place that I call home." (Garret hands Graydon's ashes to Graydon's parents and they empty the ashes into a bag attached to his motorbike. The motorbike lowers into a hole in the floor.) [Scene: Jordan's Apartment. Jordan is in bed. There's a knock at the door. She gets out of bed and opens the door. Danny is standing there.] DANNY: I have to catch an early flight so I thought I'd stop by and say goodbye to the ducks. Or... sheep? JORDAN: Uh, lambs, technically. They came three in a pack. DANNY: So what's in the third? JORDAN: You'll just have to come back sometime and find out. DANNY: Or you could come to Vegas. JORDAN: Now? Just like that? DANNY: Yeah, they make these things. These big metal rooms that sort of sh**t across the sky. You're in Boston one night and Vegas the next. JORDAN: Too spontaneous, you know? It's just not me. (He kisses her.) DANNY: There's another plane tomorrow. [Scene: Las Vegas. Hotel Room. Woody and Sam are asleep in bed together. Woody wakes up and notices a ring on his finger.) To be continued in LAS VEGAS...	{"type": "series", "show": "Crossing Jordan", "episode": "05x02 - Luck Be a Lady"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 100 (Pilot) Emotions in Motion Original Airdate: January 20, 1998 In this episode: Best friends Dawson and Joey have been spending the night together since they were little kids in the quiet town of Capeside, but at 15, this ritual takes on complicated elements that change and intrude into their comfortable relationship. Though Dawson pretends to think about nothing but filmmaking, Joey knows that sexuality is bound to ht him over the head soon, and to her dismay, it does so with force when the blonde and lovely Jen appears next door visiting from New York. Meanwhile, their friend Pacey, who is rather a social outcast, decides to exercise his budding hormones by conducting an improbable flirtation with an older woman who turns out to be his English teacher. The only sexually satisfied people seem to be Dawson's parents, who still vigorously lust for each other, but behind whose passion may lurk an ugly secret. Dawson's room at night. Joey and Dawson lay face down on his bed watching ET. Joey: (imitating ET) I'll be right here...I love this movie. (pause) This won the Oscar didn't it? Dawson turns off the movie and switches it to the local news, which his mom co-anchors for. Dawson: Ghandi. Spielberg was robbed. This was before he outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome. Joey: (frowning) But Ghandi? I mean why give an Oscar to a movie you can't even sit through? Dawson: Thank you. Joey watches the TV as she gets up to put on her shoes. Joey: New do? Dawson: Yeah. She likes big hair. Joey: Must weigh a lot. How does she walk upright? Dawson laughs then notices Joey putting on her shoes. Dawson: Where are you going? Joey: Home. Dawson: Spend the night. Joey: I can't. Dawson: Come on you always spend the night. Joey: Not tonight. Dawson: Why not? Joey: I just don't think it's a good idea for me to sleep over anymore, you know? Dawson sits up and puts the remote control on his desk. Dawson: No, I don't know. C'mon, You've been sleeping over since you were seven. It's Saturday night. Joey: Things change Dawson. Evolve. Dawson: What are you talking about? Joey puts on her jean jacket. Joey: Sleeping in the same bed was fine when we were kids, but we're fifteen now. Dawson: Yeah. Joey: We start high school Monday? Dawson: Yeah. Joey taps her chest. Joey: And I have breasts! Dawson: (surprised) What?! She points to Dawson. Joey: And you have genitalia! Dawson: I've always had genitalia. Joey: But there's more of it. Dawson is embarrassed but tries to play it off. Dawson: How do you know? Joey: Long fingers...I gotta go. She moves toward the open window to leave. Dawson reaches out to her. Dawson: Whoa Jo, don't ht and run. (Joey turns around) C'mon, explain yourself. Joey: I just think our emerging hormones are destined to alter our relationship and I'm trying to limit the fallout. Dawson gets up off the bed with his arms crossed, smiling. Dawson: Your emerging hormones aren't developing a thang for me, are they? Joey: A thing? Touches her forehead sarcastically like she has to think about it. Joey: No, I'm not getting a thing for you Dawson. I've known you too long. I've seen you burp, barf, pick your nose, scratch your butt. I don't think I'm getting a thing for you. Dawson: So what's the problem? Joey: We're changing and we have to adjust or else the male/female thing will get in the way. Dawson sits back down on the bed. Dawson: What's with this When Harry met 80's crap. It doesn't apply to us, we transcend it. Joey: And how do we do that? Dawson: (lying back) By going to sleep. I'm tired. Joey: That's avoidance. Dawson: No, it's proof. Proof that we can still remain friends, despite any mounting sexual theoretics. Joey: (pauses for a minute) I don't think it works that way Dawson. Dawson: Come on, don't get female on me Joey. I don't want to have to start calling you Josephine. Joey: (smiling) Josephine this! She leaps onto the bed and attcks him with punches. They tickle and punch each other until Dawson has the upper hand. Joey: (noticing Dawson's body slightly on top of hers) Okay, I give...I give. Dawson: We're friends okay? (Joey nods, smiling) No matter how much body hair we acquire? Deal? Joey: Deal. Dawson: (leaning back) All right...and we don't ever talk about this again, deal? Joey smiles. Joey: You got it. Dawson: Okay, cool. Joey: Cool. Dawson and Joey each climb under the covers. Dawson: Goodnight Joey. Joey: (snuggling into pillow) Goodnight Dawson. Joey shifts farther away from Dawson. Dawson looks over, noticing. He moves a little to his side of the bed and glances over again, as she scoots closer to the edge. Dawson pauses, staring up at the ceiling. Dawson: Why'd you have to bring this up anyway? Opening Credits. Paula Cole's "I Don't Want to Wait" plays. Sail boats drift along a lake on a sunny day. Pan from boats to dock, where Joey is sitting in a lawn chair. The camera moves closer as tense music plays. Suddenly something rises from the lake and grabs her. Joey: Ahhhhhhhh!! The thing takes her and the lawn chair crashing into the water. Cut to Dawson with his video camera on a hand-made moving crane. Dawson: No! Cut, cut, cut. Pacey...three counts you gotta wait before you come up, come on! We realize it's Pacey cloaked in a sea creature costume. He tries to climb up on the dock but Joey grabs him and pulls him back down. Joey: (climbing up) God, Pacey! Pacey takes off his sea creature mask and follows her up. Pacey: What was that all about? Dawson: (watching, and commenting the whole time) Joey...(pause) Pacey, C'mon. You go before she's established on the dock, it's not scary. Joey grabs a towel and wraps it around her neck. Joey: You did it again, you grabbed my ass. Pacey: (waving it off) Like you even have one. Dawson: Guys, were way behind schedule, all right. We got two weeks, I'm not going to make the festival. Joey: I'm not playing the victim. Dawson: Hello, some cooperation. Pacey: Hey, it's Meryl Streep's fault okay, I'm doing my best. Joey: (glaring at him) Bite me. Dawson notices a yellow taxi pull up next door. A beautiful blond girl steps out and looks around. Pacey glances over and sees the taxi also. Joey is to busy glaring at Pacey to notice. Pacey: Well, my mouth drops. Pacey starts down the dock toward the girl. Dawson pauses, then follows. Joey watches and trails behind them. Cut to the girl walking toward them. Jen: Hi there. Pacey: Hi, Pacey. Nice to meet you. They shake hands. Jen: Hi. Dawson also shakes Jen's hand. Dawson: Hi, I'm Da... Jen: (interrupting) Your Dawson. Dawson, yeah I know. We've met before. I'm Jen. Dawson: Oh, the granddaughter from New York, okay. Joey watches Dawson's face, irked. Jen: That's right Dawson: Wow, you look...different. Joey: (turning away from Dawson) Puberty. (shaking Jen's hand) I'm Joey. I live down the creek and we've never met...ever. Dawson: So, Jen are you just visiting? Jen: Oh yeah, my grandfather's aorta collapsed and they had to replace it with this plastic tube, so my parents sent me to help for a while. Dawson: So you'll be going to school here then? Jen: Uh yeah, tenth grade. Pacey: (smiling) Cool, us too. Cut to Joey who fakes a smile then lets it fade. Dawson: Yeah. Jen: Oh good, um look my Grams is waiting. I should go. But it was really nice to meet you guys and I'll see you in school. Dawson: If not sooner. Pacey watches and laughs. Joey: (mimicking) If not sooner. She turns and walks back down the dock. Pacey: (elbowing Dawson) Nice. Cut to Jen walking away. She glances back at them. Dawson watches her, grinning. Pacey and Dawson walk through Dawson's front yard. The sea creature costume hangs to dry on a lawn chair. Pacey: You think she's a virgin? Wanna nail her? Dawson: (laughing) We just met! They climb the porch steps. Pacey: And a wasted moment it was. I mean greater men would be nailing right now, you know what I mean? Dawson: (opening front door) Tact, look it up. They walk into the house to be confronted with the sound of glass breaking. Worried, they walk quickly through the house and into the living room. They see Dawson's parents kissing passionately on a broken coffee table, their clothes in disarray. Dawson: Oh God...Mom! They break their kiss. Mr. Leery: Oh, hi son. He dumps Mrs. Leery on the floor. Mr. Leery: Your mother and I were... Mrs. Leery: (fixing her unbuttoned blouse) uh, just discussing whether or not... Mr. Leery: (interrupting) we needed a new coffee table. Mrs. Leery laughs. Mr. Leery: Hi Pacey. Pacey: Hi Mr. Leery...Mrs. Leery. Mrs. Leery: (smiling) Hi Pacey. (noticing Dawson's increasing embarrassment) Oh don't look so red Dawson. It could be worse. Dawson runs his hands through his hair and looks away. Pacey: You know what Mrs. Leery? I really do love that new hairdo. Mrs. Leery: (fluffing her hair) Oh...Thank you Pacey. Mr. Leery: I thought you had to work. Dawson: We ran late. Mrs. Leery (getting up) I should get going. Okay Mr. Man-meat, I'll see you later. They kiss. Dawson: Mom...ah! The creek. Dogs bark in the background. Joey rows her boat up to their dock and ties it up. She gets out and waltzes up to the house. She's intercepted by her sister's boyfriend, Bodie. He walks towards her with a pot and an apron tied around his waist. Bodie: Just the victim I'm looking for. Joey: (smiling) No, Bodie. Not again. Bodie: But I'm being tested on this one. Here have a taste. He gives her a spoonful. Joey: (pauses) Orgasmic. Where's Bess? Joey's pregnant older sister comes out the front door carrying a shirt. Bess: If you want to wear my things, fine. They're fairly useless to me now. But that means you put them back...where you found them. Got it? Joey: (with attitude) Got it. Bess: I am way too pregnant to be digging underneath your bed. Joey: (even more attitude) So stay out of my room, got it? She walks away. Bess turns toward Bodie. Bess: I'm going to knock her silly, I swear it. Bodie: Here, taste this. He gives her a sample. She's doubtful at first. That changes, as she tastes it. Bess: (closing her eyes) Mmmm...Orgasmic. Bodie: (giving her a kiss) Awww... Cut to Video Rental Storefront. We see a sign that reads ScreenPlay Video, Movie rentals, New releases and more. Inside Dawson is helping a customer. Dawson: (taking videos from man) Thank you. The customer leaves as Pacey walks in from the back of the store. Pacey: So, if your dad's Mr. Man-meat, does that make you Mr. Man-meat Jr. or Mr. Man-meat the second? Dawson: They're going to have to drag the creek to find your body, Pacey. A blond curly headed girl in a black halter-top walks up to them carrying two videos. Nellie: Does Forrest Gump go in the comedy or drama section? Pacey: How many times are you going to ask that? Dawson: It goes in the drama section. Nellie: (pointedly) Thank you Dawson. She walks away to put the video in its place. Pacey: (mumbling to Dawson) Can you say wet brain? Nellie whips around. Nellie: I'm sorry what did you say? Did you toss a negative, disparaging remark my way? Because if you did, and correct me if I'm wrong, I'd like to remind you who you are. Pacey: I know, I know. Your dad owns the place. Nellie: Nooo, I'm talking about in the huge, rotating world of life. Pacey: (amused) And who am I Nellie? Dawson heads toward the back. Nellie: Nobody. That's the point. You're not there, you don't even exist. Because if you did, I might have to respond to your pathetic little under the breath one-liners. But instead I take comfort knowing your vapor. Phooo, Phoooo! She waves her arms around in the air and heads to the back room, where Dawson emerges from, smiling. Nellie: Non-existent, nothing. An attractive older woman in a very short dress walks through the door. The boys stare at her as she approaches them. Pacey: Oh my God, look at her! Dawson: Have some respect man, she's somebody's mother. Pacey: I have it on pretty good authority that mother's have excellent sex lives, alright. She reaches the boys. Dawson: (smiling) Good afternoon, can we help you? Tamara: Yes you can. This is my first time here and I'd like to rent a video. Pacey: Excellent. You just fill this out and sht us over a credit card. He bumps Dawson out of the way and hands Tamara an application. Tamara reaches into her purse and passes him her credit card. Dawson heads into the back again. Pacey: Thanks...You new in town, because I haven't seen you in here before. Tamara: Yes, I am. My name's Tamara, what's yours? Pacey: Pacey, nice to meet you. Tamara: (handing him back the application) Well here you go Pacey. Pacey: Thanks. Um, do you think I could help you locate a video this afternoon? Tamara: Maybe. I'm in the mood for romance. Pacey: Um, we keep the new releases against the... Tamara: (interrupting) Oh no, I'm vintage. (smiling) All the way. Pacey: The classics are in the... Tamara: (Interrupting again) Where would I find The Graduate? Cut to Dawson, leaning out from the video stacks in the back. Pacey: (flustered) The Graduate is the one... Tamara: (interrupting for the third time) Where the older woman, Anne Bancroft, seduces the younger man, Dustin Hoffman? Pacey: I'll check in the... Dawson walks up to the counter, video in hand. Dawson: It's right here. Is there anything else I can help you with? Tamara: Oh no, that should do it. How much? Dawson: Pay when you return. She turns to leave. Dawson: Don't forget your credit card. Pacey: (handing it to her) ah...right here. Dawson: Enjoy the film. Tamara: I will. It was nice to meet you Pacey. Pacey: Oh yeah. She saunters out. Dawson: (laughing) Wipe the drool dude. Pacey: She was flirting with me! Dawson: She was laughing at you. Pacey: No, she wanted me! Dawson: She wanted Dustin Hoffman. Close up on Pacey. Pacey: I... He stares after her. Sunset. Dawson runs towards his house with three videos in his hand. He stops when he spots Jen sitting on the dock, alone. He pauses, then walks over and sits down. Dawson: Hey. How's your granddad? Jen: Well, he's breathing. Good sign. Dawson laughs. Jen: (scratching chin) It's my Grandma that presents a challenge. She has this praying mentality, which is really awkward, since I don't do that whole God thing. She notices the videos. Jen: Whatcha got here? Let me see. (she grabs them one by one) Creature from the Black Lagoon, Humanoids from the Deep, Swamp Thing? Dawson: It's research. I'm making a movie. Jen: Really? Kinda young to be so ambitious. Dawson: Fifteen. Spielburg started on a eight millimeter when he was thirteen. Jen: Why movies? What's the attraction there? Dawson: I reject reality. Jen: (looking away, a little surprised but laughing) Oh! Dawson: Would you like to see my studio? Cut to a door opening. Dawson and Jen appear and enter Dawson's room. Jen: Hmmm. Long sht here... ahhh...Spielberg fan? Dawson: Pretty much worship the man in a God-like way, yeah. Jen: How revealing. Dawson: I have his career chronicled up on my wall. If you notice, everything is arranged in receding box office order. Starting with the blockbusters: Jurassic Park, ET, Jaws, Indiana Jones and if you follow it to my critically acclaimed wall... He walks over to his closet doors and set's the videos on his desk. Dawson: (pointing out) I have Schindler's List and The Color Purple. Oh, and for humility purposes I also keep his others. Dawson opens his closet doors to reveal two posters. Jen laughs. Dawson: 1941 and Always. In limited but excessible view. Jen: Are you familiar with obsessive reality disorder? Dawson: It's beyond that. See I believe that all of the mysteries of the Universe, all of life's questions, can be found in a Spielberg movie. (He sees Jen's doubtful expression) It's a theory I've been working on. See, whenever I have a problem all I have to do is look to the right Spielberg film and the answers revealed. Jen: Have you considered a twelve-step program? Dawson: (laughing) Wit. We like that around here. Cut to Joey walking through Dawson's yard toward the ladder set up against his window. She starts to climb, but pauses at the top when she hears voices. Jen: (off camera) You are very smooth. Cut back to Dawson sitting on his bed. Dawson: In all seriousness, the Boston Film Critics have a program for junior filmmakers. Deadlines in two months. Were really under the gn. Grams: (off camera) Jennifer! Jen looks up and goes to a window, near the one with Joey. She leans out and sees her Grams waiting for her, as Dawson looks on. Joey presses against the ladder so Jen won't see her. Jen: I better go...I don't want her to erupt. Dawson: I'll see you at school. Jen: (leaving) Bye. Dawson: Bye. Cut to Joey's face as she waits for Jen to leave, then slowly pulls herself through the window. Dawson: (noticing) Joey! Hey where you been? Come on, sit down. Watch this. She picks something off his desk and plops down on his bed, playing with it. Dawson turns on a video of mom's newscast. Mrs. Leery: (on-screen) 772-5982. Back to you, Bob. Dawson: Do you think my mom's sleeping with her co-anchor? Joey: (puzzled) Where did that come from? Dawson: Watch. He rewinds the tape and plays it again. Dawson: Something about her B's. They're too soft. (pointing with the remote) Back to you...Bob. Joey: Your reaching. I mean why would your mom be sleeping with her co- anchor. Your dad's the perfect male specimen. Dawson: I don't know, but I think they are. Joey: Your just looking for conflict. Everything's a potential script to you. Accept your perfect life Dawson. It's reality. Close up on Dawson's face as he rewinds it and plays it again, three times. Jen's Grandparent's house. Jen walks into her grandfather's room where he's sleeping. She looks both ways in the hall before sitting down. Jen: Good morning Granddad. She looks at his scar, visible under his pajamas. She touches it lightly. Grams: (walking in) What are you doing? Jen: Oh, Oh I was just saying good morning. Grams: Your breakfast is ready. Jen: Oh (pause) I'm glad to be here Grams. Grams: Don't wanna be late your first day. She walks out of the room leaving Jen holding her Grandfather's hand. Close up on a pan of scrambled eggs being stirred. Pull back to reveal Jen at the breakfast table. Jen: You know I don't usually eat in the morning Grams. I mean I appreciate the thought and all but my eyes are barely propped open by noon. Just a coffee fix and I'm set. She pours herself a cup. Grams: (setting a plate in front of her) Well I'll remember that in the future. Jen: (holding the mug) So tell me about this Dawson guy next door. He looks so different. He used to be kinda short and compact. Grams: You stay away, that boy is trouble. Jen: Aren't they all? (pauses) Well, what about the girl who lives down the creek...Joey I think her name is? Grams: (sitting down) That girl from down the creek has been crawling into the window of that boy next door for the past ten years. Neither goes to church, I believe they're what you call the wrong element. Jen: (sipping her coffee) Right. Grams lowers her head to say prayers. Jen sets her coffee down and lays her napkin in her lap. Grams looks at her out of the corner of her eye. Grams: Say grace dear. Jen: That's okay, you do it. Grams: It would be nice if you did it. Jen: I don't think so Grams. Thanks for the offer. Grams: Is their some reason you don't want to thank our Lord this morning? Jen: You know Grams, I really didn't want to get into this, you know. Kinda causes a headache but um, (pauses) I don't really do well with church and the Bible and this prayer stuff. Grams: Beg your pardon? Jen: I don't covet a religious God, Grams. I'm an Atheist. Camera lingers on Grams shocked expression. "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba plays. Flash scenes of Capeside High School. Kids getting off their bus, tossing footballs and Frisbees. Cut to school hall. Pan down to Jen, at her locker, putting things in her backpack. She holds her schedule in her teeth while trying to fit things in. Nellie walks up. Nellie: (smiling) Hi, I'm Nellie Olsen. Jen: (removing schedule from her mouth) Nellie as in Little House... Nellie: I know, I know. Little House on the Prairie, it was like my mom and dad's favorite show. But no preconceptions okay? I'm not like her at all. Jen: Uh, I'm Jen. Nellie: From New York. I know. How's your grandfather? He has us all worried. He's still on the prayer list at church, you party? Jen: Excuse me? Nellie: Par-ty? Jen: Uh, party as in do I like to have a good time, or party as in drink and use drugs? Nellie: It's objective. Jen: I like to have a good time. Substance free. Nellie: Maybe we should call you Nellie. (shrugs) See ya! She walks away. Jen turns, a little dazed, back to her locker. Dawson: (walking up) Hey! How's it going? Jen: I could really use a cigarette. Dawson: (surprised) You smoke? Jen: Uh, I quit. I'm just a little tense. Dawson: (smiling) Well you're hiding it well. Jen: I have a great denial system. Dawson: Yeah, it's the first day, we're all a little tense. It'll get easier. Jen: Good. Dawson: How's your schedule? They screwed up mine. Jen brings her schedule out and they look it over. Dawson: Who do you have first period? Jen: Um...Briston. Biology. Dawson: I was just heading that way. Jen: (Smiling) Were you? She closes her locker and they walk off down the hall. "Tubthumping" plays. Cut to Pacey in a classroom. He balances a book on his head as other student enter, talking and take their seats. The door opens and Tamara enters. Pacey turns in time to see her, surprised. He grabs the book from off his head. Pacey: Tamara. Tamara: (smiling) Hello Pacey. Tell you what, why don't you call me Ms. Jacobs during school hours? Pacey: Right of course. He takes his seat, staring at her as she puts her things on her desk. "Tubthumping" plays. Cut to Jen walking into biology. She looks around and spots Joey. Joey also notices and shrugs down in her seat, trying to be invisible. Jen walks over. Jen: (taking the seat next to her) Hey, I was hoping we'd have a class together. Joey: (smiling fakely, she taps her fingers on the table) Here we are. Cut to Dawson opening the door of a classroom. A TV set plays Psycho. Dawson watches as he walks up to the teacher at the front of the room. Dawson: Psycho. The teacher, startled, turns around. Mr. Gold: (pushing pause on the remote) You know the film? Dawson: Anthony Perkins, Janet Leigh, Universal, 1960. Little known fact: Did you know that Hitchcock surprised Janet Leigh with freezing cold water in order to get her to scream so effectively? Mr. Gold: Who are you? Dawson: Dawson Leery. Mr. Gold: Then I take it you'll be in my fifth period film lab. Dawson: Actually that's why I'm here. (he pulls his schedule out from backpack) There seems to have been some confusion with my schedule. I was denied admittance to your film class. Mr. Gold: Then you must be a hm. Dawson: (pausing) And that's not a good thing? Mr. Gold: It's a very popular class Dawson. Seating is limited. Theirs a waiting list, priority goes to upperclassmen. Dawson: Well that's stupid. Mr. Gold: Excuse me? Dawson: Who made that rule? Mr. Gold: I did. Dawson: Oh. Mr. Gold: Why are you so adamant? Dawson: (smiling) Passion, Mr. Gold. Pure, mad-driven passion. Movies are my life. Mr. Gold: (getting up to sit at desk) Oh I see. Dawson: I'm sorry. I'm not coming across well at all here. The point is I'm going to be a filmmaker. It's my life's ambition. It always has been. How many students do you have in this class that can say that? Cut to Mr. Gold's face. Dawson: (continuing) This is a small town Mr. Gold. Theirs not a lot of opportunity for me. You have the power. You could easily override this bizarre rule that denies students their education. Mr. Gold: Your very convincing Dawson Leery. But I'm afraid the class is maxed out. I wish I could make case by case exceptions but that would be unfair and problematic. I'm sorry to say that no is my definitive answer. Dawson: But... Mr. Gold: No, Period. It's a complete sentence. Cut to Dawson's face. A bell rings. Joey and Jen walk out of Biology into the already crowded hall. Jen: Hey Joey. Um, can I ask you something kinda up front? Joey: Sure. Jen: Are you and Dawson (laughs nervously) a thing? Joey: (shrugging it off) No, were just friends. Jen: Like were going to be, I hope. (pause) You know, my Grams warned me about you. She said you're severely troubled. Joey: Well, no offense but your Gram's is cracked. Jen: Why does she rag on you? Joey: Pick a topic. There's my dad, the imprisoned convict or my sister impregnated by her black boyfriend. Jen: Your father's in prison? Joey: (kinda proudly) Conspiracy to traffic marijuana in excess of ten thousand pounds. Jen: Wow, so then um where's your mother? Joey: (looking away) Oh, she had this cancer thing. It got her. Jen: So then you live with your sister? Joey: And the black boyfriend. (pause) He likes you, you know. Jen: (confused) Who the black boyfriend? Joey: (interrupting) Dawson. Don't abuse his feelings. Joey walks away. Jen stares after her and sighs. Capeside cafeteria. A balding, overweight man walks past Dawson, Jen and Joey at a lunch table. Dawson: Okay, the bald man, Mr. Herman. He teaches a timid calculus class and packs a .45 magnum. Last year opened fre and took out two students and a custodian. Jen: Pled justifiable homicide. They didn't have a hall pass. The two laugh. Joey watches them. Dawson: Woman in funky black dress. Periodic drinker. Blacks out after two glasses of cheap whine and runs through town with her dress over her head. Jen: Singing Neil Diamond songs. They share another laugh. Joey is disgusted. Dawson: You're good. I should bring you in to touch up my dialogue. Joey: (handing him her script) Um, we're supposed to be working Dawson. He takes it from her. Dawson: Yeah, um would you mind taking a look at Act Three. I'm having a climax issue. Jen: (picking it up) Sure. Joey sets her hand in her chin and rolls her eyes. Cut to Tamara eating lunch at her desk. Pacey walks in with his backpack. Pacey: Tamara...(correcting himself) I mean, Ms. Jacobs. How was The Graduate? Tamara: Just as I remembered. Pacey: Are you looking for romance tonight? Tamara: (smiling) Why, you got any suggestions? Pacey: Uh, have you ever seen The Summer of '42? Tamara: (leaning back in her chair) Refresh my memory. Pacey: Well, it's about a beautiful woman who seduces a young boy on the verge of manhood. Tamara: It's a favorite. Pacey: I, uh, could reserve it for you if you like? Tamara: Actually, tonight I'm going to see that new film playing at The Realto. Students start to enter and take their seats. Pacey looks disappointed. Pacey: Yeah. Tamara: It's getting great reviews. Pacey: (brightening) Uh yeah. I guess I'll maybe check it out then. He walks backwards into a student. Boy: Hey, watch it! Pacey waves goodbye and heads out. Tamara watches him, thoughtful. A bell rings. Pacey and Dawson walk down a hall. Pacey puts his arm around Dawson's shoulder. Pacey: Hey man. Video woman is my new English teacher. Okay, you, me, the movies tonight. We are stalking a faculty member. Dawson: Dude, negative. Pacey: What?! I actually have the possibility of losing my virginity in a high level fantasy fashion. Dawson: (stopping at a water fountain) Pacey, go home. Walk your dog. It's not going to happen. Pacey: Not tonight! That's not the plan, man. I just want to familiarize her with the gaze, the smile, the charming features, you know. Dawson: Don't do this to yourself! Pacey: Look, it is a fact that a large percentage of older women are attracted to young boys on the verge of manhood. It keeps them feeling young. I read that in Cosmopolitan. Dawson: What are you doing reading Cosmopolitan? Pacey: Look, I have three menstrually diverse sisters, Cosmo is my savior. Dawson: (laughing) What do you need me for? Pacey: Moral support. Okay, It'll be cool. You can invite Ms. Teen New York. He looks down the hall as he talks and sees Jen conversing with a boy in a letterman's jacket. Dawson notices also. Jen: (talking to the boy) That sounds good. Pacey: Unless somebody's beaten you to it. C'mon man, get in there. Be assertive. Talk to her alright? You should be the one reading Cosmo. It'll build your female esteem. (pushes him) Go on... Dawson punches him jokingly and walks down the hall towards Jen. He looks back as he passes the boy and reached Jen. Jen: Dawson, hey, how's it going? Dawson: Pretty good. I see you've met Roger Fullford. They begin to walk. Jen: Yeah, nice guy. Dawson: Yeah (pause) Jock quarterback by day, schizophrenic trnsvstite by night. Jen: (laughing) Oh really. Dawson: Has what you call a Tori Spelling complex. He's partial to Victoria's Secret. Jen: But can he run in pumps? They snicker. Dawson: Hey, uh Pacey and his crew's directing a trip to the movies tonight, nothing big, just a few of us. Would you like to come? Jen smiles as the camera pans over them. Cut to Joey waking home along the boardwalk. Dawson rides up on his bike, a backwards cap on. Dawson: Hey Joey! I need a favor. He gets off his bike and walks it besides her. Joey:(smiling) Uh, oh. Dawson: I have a semi-quasi date with Jen tonight, were going to the movies with Pacey and I need you come with us. Joey: (dad panning) I'd rather go down in a plane crash. Dawson: C'mon it's going to really, really weird with just two guys and Jen. It'll even it out. Joey: So, would it be like a double date? Dawson: Sorta, but not really. Pacey's on this hormonal mission... Joey: (interrupting) Are you having an aneurysm? No way! Dawson: It's not like a date-date. It's just so that Jen won't feel uncomfortable. Joey: We wouldn't want that. Dawson: C'mon, Joey please? Please, please, please, please, please! (he stops and grabs her arm) C'mon, Joey please?! Joey: (giving in) Whatever. Dawson: Thank you! You're the best, I mean it. I know your worried about our relationship and everything but I told you. Nothing has to change. I can tell you anything. He rides off leaving Joey to continue walking by herself, downhearted. Jen's grandparent's house. Grams: (off camera) Where exactly are you going? Jen: (walking into kitchen) Well Dawson has a gn, I thought we'd go knock off a liquor store, then go get tattoos. Grams: Why do you talk like that? Jen: I'm simply trying to establish a rapport with you that's based on humor. I'm completely harmless. You'll see. Grams: Well be back by ten. Jen: (surprised) I can do that. Thanks for being so cool about this. I thought you were going to chain me up to a chair or something. Grams: Not at all, you want to go to the movies, go. Have fun, just as long as you come to church with me on Sunday. Jen: I knew there was going to be catch. Grams, I'm sorry but I'm afraid you're going to have to give up on this one. Grams: I'm afraid I insist. Jen: I'm firm about my beliefs. Please respect them. Grams: I know what happened in New York. Church will do you good. Jen: Let me determine that. Church isn't the answer, not for me. But I promise to you that I'll keep an open mind and honor and respect your beliefs for as long as I'm here. Grams: The decision has been made. You will do what I say, you are under my guard. Jen: (hands on hips) Ah, you know I am trying really hard to keep my rebellious nature in check. (pauses to think) I'll tell you what Grams. I'll go to church when you say the word penis. Grams: (startled) You stop that talk! Jen: It's just a word Grams. Clinical and technical. Penis. Pause on Grams flustered expression. Jen goes over to her and gives her a hug. Jen: Grams, I really love you, but you have to lighten up. (kisses her on the cheek) I'll see you later. Dawson's house. Mr. Leery sits on the couch, watching the news as he works. Dawson hops down the stairs. Dawson: (running hands through hair) Alright Dad, I'm outta here. Mr. Leery: What do you think (he holds up miniature plastic doll) I thought all the waitresses could wear scuba gear. Dawson: (massages neck) Completely impractical. Dad, this whole aquatic- themed restaurant idea gets worse on a daily basis. Mr. Leery: Shift, your mom's on. Dawson moves. Mr. Leery: Watching her work is the best foreplay. Dawson: I'm outta here. Mr. Leery: (staring at the TV) Have fun. Play safe. Dawson: (pointing) The condom chat is premature. Mr. Leery: It's never too early. Dawson: What is up with the sex?! That's all anybody thinks of anymore. Sex, sex, sex!! I mean, what is the big deal? Mr. Leery: Sex is a very big part of who we are as human beings. Dawson: Does that mean we have to go hump the coffee table? (pauses) If sex is so important then how come Spielberg never has had a sex scene in one of his movies, hmm? He keeps it in it's proper place in film as should we in life. Doorbell rings. Dawson: I'll be home early. Close up on TV. Mrs. Leery: Back to you...Bob. Joey's house. Bodie sits on the couch reading Bon Appetiet magazine while Bess paints a birdhouse. Joey comes out the door and Bess grabs her. Joey: Hey, I'm in a hurry! Bess: (takes her face in her hands) Your attitude has got to go. She uncaps a lipstick with her teeth and starts to apply it on her. Joey tries to pull away then gives in. Bodie watches and smiles. Bess: (demonstrating) Now blot 'em together like this. Joey does so. Bess: You hold onto this and every half hour to an hour you excuse yourself to go touch up. Got it? She hands her the lipstick. Joey turns to leave, then twists back around and smiles. She runs down to the dock. Cut to a fading sunset, then the foursome walking along a sidewalk to the movies. Dawson: So do you plan on staying the whole school year? Jen: Well, that depends on my Grams really, and my mom and dad. Jen: (turning) Hey Joey, I love your lipstick. What shade is that? Joey: Wicked Red, uh I love your hair color, what number is that? Dawson: (giving her a look) You'll have to excuse Joey, she was born in a barn. Jen: That's okay, uh Joey I just do highlights. Joey: (nods) So, uh Jen are you a virgin? Dawson: That's mature! Joey: Well cause Dawson's a virgin and two virgins really make for a clumsy first experience don't you think? Dawson: (moving next to her) You're going to die. Joey: I just thought I'd help, you know (looking at Jen) cut to the chase. Jen: No it's okay Dawson. Yes I am a virgin. How about you Joey, are you a virgin? Joey: Please, years ago. (smiling knowingly) Trucker named Bubba. Dawson grabs her arms and pulls her away. Dawson: What is up with you? Joey just looks at him. They get in line to buy tickets. Cut to the inside of The Rialto. Pacey and Joey sit down in their seats, but Dawson let's Jen go first, causing him not to sit next to Joey. Joey notices and slouched down in her seat. Pacey sees Tamara take a seat a few rows ahead of them and goes to make his move. Pacey: Back in a bit. The lights dim and the movie begins. Joey slouches even deeper into her seat, her head in one hand. Close up on both Dawson's and Jen's faces as they watch the movie. Pan to Dawson's hand. It starts to reach for Jen's then pulls back. Joey becomes aware of his motions. Dawson taps his hand against his leg then goes for her hand again. It lightly brushes against Jen's, who takes notice. He finally makes his move, and takes her hand in his. Joey: (sitting up) So, Jen are you a size queen? Jen: Excuse me? Joey: Well how important is the size to you? Dawson: Joey! She lifts her eyebrows at him and listens to Jen. Jen: Well being a virgin, I guess I haven't really given it that much though, how about yourself Jo? Joey: (debating) I'm torn... Dawson: (grabbing her and pulling her out of her seat) You and me, outside now. I'm going to kll you. I'm going to kll you! Joey: What do you think Dawson? (to Jen) Notice the long fingers? Pan over to Pacey sitting down next to Tamara. Pacey: Hey Tamara. She turns smiling, until she realizes it's Pacey. Tamara: Hi...Pacey what are you doing here? Pacey: Just checking out the movie. I came with some friends. Tamara: (looking back to where he's pointing.) Oh good, I'm glad. Pacey: But I can sit here with you, you know. Wanna Milk Dud? Tamara: No. Pacey: By the way, The Summer of '42 is officially reserved in your name. Tamara: Oh Pacey, look, I don't think you understand... Pacey: No, no, no. It was nothing. I could even come over. We could watch it together. A man with popcorn approaches the two and goes to sit down, only to find Pacey in his seat. Tamara: Hi, uh Pacey are you sure you don't wanna go sit with your friends? Pacey: (arrogant) Whose this guy? Tamara: A friend. Guy sitting behind them: Hey, quiet! Tamara: Sorry. Mr. Gold: Tammy, is this kid bothering you? Tamara: No Benji. Pacey: (snickering) Benji? Ms. Jacobs invited me herself. Tamara: Not exactly. Look Pacey you have got to understand, I was only renting a movie. Pacey looks confused. Mr. Gold: Look, why don't I help you find your seat. Pacey gets up quickly and pushes Benji. The popcorn spills all over the guy behind them, who punches Pacey in the face. Cut to the lobby of the movie theater. Dawson: Are you twiggy? What is your problem? Joey: My problem is that from the moment Little Miss Highlights showed up you haven't said one word to me! Dawson: Crap! That is pure crap and you know it! Joey: All I know is that all your blood is rushing down and you can't even acknowledge another human being's even present. Dawson: I like her okay! Sue me, I thought you were my friend. Where is a little understanding? Joey: I understand. I'm tired of understanding. All I do is understand! She goes to leave. Dawson: Joey! She turns back. Joey: Nothing penetrates with you Dawson Your so far removed from reality you can't even see what's right in front of you. Dawson: What are you talking about? Joey: Your life. It's a freaking fairy tale and you don't even know it. (she approaches him) You just want conflict for that script of yours. (pause) Stop living in the movies. (pauses again) Grow up. She leaves. Close up on Dawson's upset face. Dawson and Jen walking through Jen's yard. Dawson: I'll walk you to your door. Jen: Not with Grams waiting to pounce. Dawson: Oh, that's right. Jen: yeah. They reach the fence. Dawson: So... Jen: So... Dawson: It was a really repulsive evening. Jen laughs. Dawson moves in to kiss her. Jen pauses, then pulls back. Jen: Uh, you know what? This is all my fault. I mean, I know I don't posses much power in the universe but I feel completely responsible for tonight Dawson. Dawson: (interrupting) No, uh... I pulled the pin, I tossed the grenade. I got a big old L right (makes a loser sign on his forehead)... Jen: No, your not a loser Dawson. Your very sweet. Smart, you got a great sense of humor. Your cool with out being really obnoxious about it. Your very, very talented. (pause) You got clear skin, big plus. They laugh. Dawson: (smiling) Thank you. Jen: No. Thank you Dawson. Things weren't so great for me in New York and their kinda scary right now so...thank you. Grams shows up at the door. Jen: Oh, um...I should go. But thanks for everything Dawson. Dawson: but... Jen walks up her steps and turns around. Jen: I'm just going to pretend we kissed okay? Dawson laughs and watches her go up to the house. He stares after her, with a smile, thinking. Cut to Pacey walking along the boardwalk with a swollen eye. He spots Tamara, and stops, shaking his head. Pacey: (to himself) What are the chances? He walks up to her. Tamara: (noticing him) Pacey, are you okay? Pacey: I'll live. Tamara: Wait, talk to me a second. She tries to touch his face, but he pushes her away. Pacey: About what, The Graduate or The Summer of '42, which would you rather discuss? Tamara: I'd like to clear up this misunderstanding. Pacey: I understand you perfectly well Ms. Jacobs. Tamara: I'm so sorry. Pacey: Well you should be because you're a liar. How can you say you were just renting a movie? Tamara: Because it's the truth. Pacey: It's a crock. The truth is you're a well put together, knock out of a woman who's feeling a little insecure about hitting forty. So when a young, virile boy, such as myself flirts with you, you enjoy it. You entice it. You fantasize about what it would be like to be with that young boy on the verge of manhood. Cause it helps you stay feeling attractive. Makes the aging process a little more bearable. Well, let me tell you something. You blew it lady, because I'm the best sex you'll never have. She stares at him, almost in awe. Tamara: Your wrong about one thing Pacey. Your not a boy. She wraps her arms around him and they kiss passionately. The kiss goes on, until she finally pulls away, shocked at what had happened. Tamara: I'm sorry. Oh God. She runs away as Pacey looks on. Pacey: (amused) I'll see you in school, Ms. Jacobs. Cut to Dawson's house. Dawson enters his room and switches the TV on. He grabs some stuff off his bed and opens the closet door to be startled by Joey, who sits there. Dawson: Oh, what are you doing in there? Joey: (softly) Hanging with the clothes. She gets up and flops on the bed, a stuffed ET doll in hand. Dawson: What happened tonight Joey? Joey: I wigged out. Dawson: What is going on between us? Joey: I have no idea. Dawson: I know I have this incredibly perfect life and I completely under- appreciate it. Joey: (looking up) Yeah, you do. Dawson: I'm sorry I was such an insensitive male. I thought I was above it. (pause) I don't wanna lose you Joey. What we have is the only thing that makes sense to me. He sits in chair. Dawson: When I saw you in the movie theater with that lipstick on, I remember thinking how pretty you looked. (Joey looks at him) I mean, I ignored it. But I thought it. Joey: (smiling disbelievingly) Yeah? Dawson: But that was it Jo. (her smile fades) It didn't go any further than that. Joey: (sitting up) When I saw you going for Jen's hand...It's not like I wanted to be the one holding your hand. (Dawson nods) I just didn't want her holding it. Dawson: So where does that leave us? Joey just sighs. Dawson: (exasperated) It's all so complicated! Joey: Were growing up Dawson, that's all. I mean even Spielberg outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome. (she stands up) Dawson: (notices her leaving) Where are you going? Joey: I can't sleep over anymore. And we can't talk to each other like we used to, there's just some things we can't say. Dawson: No that's just not true, Joey I can you tell you anything. Joey: Yeah? How often do you walk your dog, huh? Dawson: What?! Joey: You know what I mean. What time of day, how many times a week? Dawson looks away, uncomfortable. Joey watches as his embarrassment grows. Her face falls. Dawson: (softly) Goodnight. Joey pauses then turns for the window. She looks back once. Joey: See ya Dawson. Dawson: (almost to himself) See ya Joey. [She leaves. Dawson, angry at himself, gets up and sighs in frustration. Joey hurries down the ladder. Dawson runs his hands through his hair, distraught. Cut to Joey walking fast, arms crossed, tears beginning to flow. Dawson bangs his head against his closet. Cut to Joey running, the tears flowing faster, to the dock. Dawson sits in his chair, looking at his picture of Steven Spielberg, thinking. Joey unties the boat as quickly as she can. The camera closes in on her face.] Dawson: (off camera) Joey! She looks up, her face streaked with tears. Dawson: (at window) Usually in the morning with Katie Couric. [Cut to Joey's confused face. She stares at him, mystified. Suddenly she realizes and breaks out in a grin. Laughing she pulls the boat away. Cut back and forth between the two, smiling and laughing. Joey rows away, happy. A car door slams. She looks and sees Mrs. Leery leaning into her co-anchor Bob's car and kissing him. Joey stares in shock. She glances up at Dawson's window to see if he noticed. The window's empty. The camera fades on Joey's stunned expression.]	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x00 - The Pilot"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 101 Dirty Dancing Original Airdate: January 27, 1998 In this episode: As Dawson struggles to complete his film by the festival deadline, he decides to mix business with pleasure by casting Jen, with whom he now has a budding romance. This continues to irritate Joey, for reasons she won't truly admit, even to herself. Dawson soon finds he has some competition in Cliff, an upperclassman who's not as "enlightened," but is handsome and popular for his football prowess, and is stunned when Jen accepts Cliff's invitation to the dance. Although not one to attend dances himself, Dawson now feels compelled to rush in and make an utter fool of himself. Pacey, meanwhile, moves forward with increasing confidence in his secret quest for romance with his teacher. Dawson's movie. Joey and Pacey walk along the dock conversing, playing their characters, Stephanie and Steven. Joey: I know what I saw. It was big and it was ugly and it attcked me and it's still out there, just waiting. Pacey takes hold of Joey's shoulders. Pacey: I might not believe you Stephanie, (he touches her hair) but I believe in you. He moves in to kiss her. He gets closer until just as their lips would meet, Joey pulls away. Joey: (disgusted) Uh... Pacey: (turning to camera, frustrated) What? What?! Come on, What? Dawson: (off screen) Cut! Joey: Sorry Dawson but he is just too repelling. Dawson: (off screen) Joey, You're going to have to kiss him. The camera pulls back from TV, where the movie was playing, and quick pans over to Dawson painting a model of Joey's head. Joey: (turning off TV with remote) I cannot and will not kiss that cretin. Dawson: It's a movie, you're playing a character. It's not Pacey your kissing. Joey: So he's a sea serpent from the deep, cite the difference? Dawson: But your not aware of his evil alter ego, you're in love. Joey: (sets remote on bed) Forget it. Dawson: The movie doesn't work without a kiss Joey, it's a love story. Joey: It's a horror movie Dawson! Dawson: It's an homage with a heavy allegorical slant. Joey (flops back on bed) But he's so... unkissworthy. Dawson: (looks at her) Do it for me? Joey: (leaning up on her elbows) I don't want to regurgitate on camera. Why don't you kiss him? Dawson: Because my* lips are reserved for someone else. Joey: (sits up) Have you kissed little miss someone else yet? Dawson: There's no need to rush fate. Joey: Don't wait an eternity Dawson, I mean she's from New York where things tend to move faster. Dawson: But, well then how enchanting to meet a strapping young man who doesn't have sex on the brain. Joey: (leans back again) If it helps you sleep at night. Dawson: Joey, you heard her yourself. Through her own admittance, she's a self-proclaimed virgin. Joey: For another second! Dawson: Jen happens to be a bright, intelligent young woman who clearly is in charge of her own body. Joey: I'm not suggesting leather straps and Crisco, just a kiss! Dawson: Oh Jen and I will definitely kiss, don't you worry. The question is will your lips ever find Pacey's? Joey: I vote for an extensive re-write. Dawson: (smiling) Well that's to bad, because you definitely have kissing lips. Joey: (confused) What? Dawson: (turning model of her head for her to see) Check that out. You give good lip. (pause) You know, Joey you could always just close your eyes and think of someone else. Joey sighs and lays down again, discreetly sneaking a peek at Dawson out of the corner of her eye. Dawson: (thinking) Explain to me the Crisco? Joey smiles. Opening Credits. Dawson's Creek theme song plays. ~~~~~~~~~~Part One~~~~~~~~~~ shts of the exterior of Capeside High School. Cut to a hand picking up a microphone. Pan up to Nellie, who removes a piece of gum from her mouth and starts the morning announcement. Nellie: (seriously) Don't* forget about the big dance on Saturday to celebrate our victory at the big game on Friday. Cut to the hallways of Capeside as students get ready to go to class. Nellie: (over the intercom) Even if we don't know yet if we'll even win the big game but the planning committee is really optimistic. Get your tickets now! Mr. Gold's room. Dawson opens the door and enters. Dawson: Mr. Gold, got a sec? Mr. Gold: (sits on table) What is it Dawson? Dawson takes a seat at the table across from him. Dawson: Um, well I've been thinking about what you said and... you were right to not let me into your class. Mr. Gold: (taking off glasses) I'm glad you gave it some thought. Dawson: I did. I am, however, in a bit of a jam. See I have study hall in the library fifth period and it's really overcrowded in there, major overflow. It's sweaty, unpleasant... and I talked to Mr. Gibbons about switching study halls and he seemed to think that with your permission I could just spend study hall with you. Mr. Gold: Hmm, fifth period? Dawson nods, pretending to be clueless. Mr. Gold: That's exactly when film class is. Dawson: (breaking out in a grin) Now that's an uncanny coincidence. Mr. Gold (pauses) You will not be part of the class, you will sit in the back and be quiet. You will not participate or involve yourself in anyway. Dawson: (interrupting) Great, great! Thank you Mr. Gold, thank you. I, I really... (pause) This is a big deal. Cut to Pacey sitting in Tamara's chair at her school desk. She walks in briskly but slows down when she sees Pacey. Pacey: (getting up) Good morning Ms. Jacobs. Tamara: Good morning Pacey. Pacey: Can we talk? Tamara: Ah... you know this isn't your class so I'll see you later. Pacey: (amused) No, we really need to talk. Tamara: Well we have nothing to discuss, except homework which there's none so you can just run along. Pacey: There's a lot to discuss. We could start with the open mouth kiss if you like. Tamara: I don't know what your talking about... and I'm going to have to insist that you leave! Pacey: I'm just as confused as you are. Students enter and begin to take their seats. A few stare at Pacey and Ms. Jacobs. Tamara: (whispering) Pacey please! Nothing happened. There was no kiss. Please don't. Pacey: (under his breath to her) Your tongue was in my mouth. (pause) You're not being fair. He leaves the classroom. Tamara composes herself and tries to smile at her students. Tamara: Good morning everyone. Lunchroom. Dawson pulls up a chair at a table already seating Joey, Jen and Pacey. Dawson: Okay, I'm not going to be able to count on the film class for support like I was hoping. Which means, we're going to have to work overtime if we want to make the festival deadline. We have to sh*t all weekend. Joey, this means, no lip about giving Pacey lip. Joey: I'm reaching a breaking point with this whole kiss thing. Pacey: I'm not engorged with this, either okay? It goes both ways. Dawson: (thinking) Joey, major revelation. All right, I think I know a way to make you the happiest actress in the world. You know how you die in the end of the movie? How would you like to die sooner? Like tomorrow? Joey: (puzzled) What do you mean? Dawson: Okay, your character in a surprise attck is klled violently but you're beautiful but bright cousin from New York arrives just in time to find your mutilated body. Pacey: You know, dude. I think you're on to something here. Jen: Wait. If that means I'm going to be playing... Dawson: (interrupting) No, no, no it's perfect! This nullifies the kiss issue (looking at Joey) and puts you* back behind the camera with me where you belong. Joey smiles. Jen: Well, but... I mean haven't you already sht a lot of stuff with Joey's character? Dawson: It's an easy cover. Oh, it's better this way, it's so unpredictable! The audience is never gonna see it coming! It's like Janet Leigh in Psycho. Pacey: Drew Barrymore in Scream. Joey: (looking at Pacey) Ah, rip-off of a rip-off. Dawson: You know I really think it fits in right in mind with the whole tone of the piece, don't you think? Joey: (smiling, sneaking a look at Jen) You're right, Dawson. It's perfect. Cut to Ms. Jacobs's class. The class is discussing Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights. Tamara: Okay, someone explain to me the state of Catherine's mind as she drove Heathcliff away. Nellie raises her hand eagerly. Nellie: It was her tragic and dysfunctional way of letting him know she loved him. Tamara: Yes that's the oblivious interpretation of the moment. However, I think it goes deeper than that. For some reason, this story is regarded as some great love story. But the reality is, that Heathcliff and Catherine never belonged together. They never should have been together. Close up on Pacey's face. Tamara: Catherine was essentially a mess, Heathcliff was basically a decent guy who had a lot to learn about life and was inherently better off without some whimpering, mentlly unstable wet rag following him around. Nellie and her friend look at each other in disbelief. Tamara: The whole thing was wrong. It should never have happened. Bronte should have saved her ink. Pacey watches her, aware of the direct meaning toward him. The bell rings in the background. Mr. Gold's film class. Dawson is sitting in the back of the class listening to the conversations of the students. Mr. Gold: (walking down the aisles) So, we'll have to move fast if we want to enter the film festival. Cliff: We can make it. The script is done, the movie is boarded. And we did a lot of the work over the summer. Nellie sits behind him, listening attentively, twirling her hair around her finger. Mr. Gold: Then let's move onto the story. Have you solved your third act problem? Dawson raises his hand. Dawson: Mr. Gold? Mr. Gold: (annoyed) Yes, Dawson? Dawson: Would that be the Boston Film Festival? Mr. Gold: Yes that would be. They have a junior video level competition. Dawson stares at his desk, uneasy. Cliff: Okay, Third act. I've just been injured in the big game with Tyler. My throwing arm crushed. The bone broken in 3 places. Cut to Dawson's disgusted face. Nellie nods and smiles at everything Cliff says. Cliff: (continuing) But I refuse to tell the coach, because he won't let me play at Homecoming if I do. Remember we want the audience asking, "Can he do it? Will the team win the big game?" Remember, this is autobiographical, so if anybody has any questions, I was there. I lived it. Come talk to me, alright? (he smiles) Cut to Dawson taking out books from his locker. Joey stands with him and listens. Dawson: "Helmets of Glory." Chronicles last year's football season. And get this, Mr. Cliff Quarterback himself is writing, directing and starring in it. Joey: (rolling her eyes) Oh, a Streisand. Dawson: This is serious, Jo. They're entering it in the film festival. My film festival. This is like immediate competition. Joey: And it's a sports film? Dawson: A thin and pedestrian sports film. Joey: Ah, the epitome of everything you're against. (she wrinkles up her nose and leans against a locker) Could life be more cruel? Dawson looks down the hallway to see Cliff walking up to Jen. Joey also notices. Cliff: Hi, I'm Cliff. Jen: Hi, I'm Jen. Dawson: (watches) This isn't happening. Cliff: I know being the new kid can be kind of traumatic but if there's anything I can do to take the edge off, show you around, take you out? Jen: (smiling) That's, that's really sweet of you. Umm, can I let you know? I mean, I'm still just getting settled in. Cliff: Sure, sure, absolutely. (pause) And it was nice to meet you Jen, short for Jennifer. Jen: You too, Cliff, short for Clifford. She strides past Dawson and Joey, looking back at Cliff and smiling to herself. Dawson and Joey just look on. Joey: I told you, Dawson. They move fast in New York. Dawson starts to say something but stops and just looks down the hall after her. ~~~~~~~~~~Part Two~~~~~~~~~~ Mitch is standing at a table working on his restaurant plans. Dawson hops down the stairs carrying the head model of Joey. Dawson: Dad, hey Dad. Have you seen my camcorder? Mr. Leery: Filming today? Dawson: Yeah, Joey gets decapitated. Mr. Leery: It's, uh, in my bedroom, on the night table, on your mother's side. You might want to take the tape out. Dawson: (making a face) You can get arrested for that in some states. (pauses) Umm, I have a question. It's kind of a girl slash relationship question. And I don't want it to go to your head that I'm soliciting fatherly advice or anything. But, cause I clearly don't condone yours and Mom's perverse sex life but I'm not too proud to admit that my own inexperience is hindering my current female relations. Mr. Leery: Well, what's the question? Dawson: Mechanics of kissing. Mr. Leery: How can I help? Dawson sits down next to his father. Dawson: Well, I'm interested in technique. Mr. Leery: Well, there is no technique, Dawson. You just put your lips together and go. Dawson: Well, what makes a great kiss? Mr. Leery: The first time I kissed your mother-- Dawson: (interrupting) Now don't get too detailed. Cut to Joey walking to the Leery house and to the ladder leading up to Dawson's room. Mr. Leery: And we were out on a boat. And your mother's lips were chapped from the sun and she asked if she could borrow my chap stick. So I took it out and I put some on my lips and then I leaned over and kissed her. Joey is seen entering Dawson's room and into the upstairs hallway Mr. Leery: (continuing) The chapstick was really smooth. It slid onto her lips, the sensation was amazing. The chemistry was already there, you know but it was just one of those things that cemented it, you know. It was unforgettable and most importantly, romantic. Joey looks over the balcony and sees Dawson and Mitch talking. Dawson: And here, I thought you were all about sex. Mr. Leery: Oh, we still jumped each other. (Dawson grimaces) But you got to have romance. It's all about romance...and chapstick. She squats down and listens to them. Dawson: But the kiss itself, What did you do? Mr. Leery-: Well, here (holds up the head of Joey) Give it a try. Dawson: No! Mitch: Oh, come on. This is a big father/son moment here. You asked for it. Joey smiles and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. Dawson: Alright. Dawson takes the head from Mitch Mr. Leery: Now moisten your lips and go for it. Dawson: Dad, this is ridiculous. Mr. Leery: It's your bottom lip. You got to keep it relaxed. (Mitch pulls on Dawson's bottom lip) You want to let it have a mind of its own. You want it to dance with hers. (pause) Close your eyes. Dawson holds the head up, closes his eyes and kisses it. Joey is watching and when he goes to kiss the head, Joey closes her eyes as well. She opens them slowly after a moment. Mr. Leery: That was good. Dawson: Yeah? Mr. Leery: Yeah. Dawson: Cool. Umm, forget this ever happened. Dawson: Alright, thanks. Dawson gets up, grabbing the head and leaves the room Joey gets up but a noise distracts her. She hears Gail's voice and finds that Gail is in the closet, whispering to someone on the phone. Joey stands by the door listening. Mrs. Leery: Yeah, Alright. No, no, okay, then I'm hanging up. (kissing noises are heard from Gail) I promise, I promise. Good-bye. She hangs up the phone and opens the door to the hallway Mrs. Leery: (surprised to see Joey) Ahhh, Joey. What are you doing? Joey: Uh, I was just looking for Dawson. We're filming today. Mrs. Leery:(nervously) Oh that's nice. Joey: Yeah, I'm going to get klled today. Mrs. Leery: Oh that's nice. Ah, Be careful out in the sun. It's hot today. Wear sunblock. Joey: Ah, see you later, Mrs. Leery. (she starts to walk away then turns back to Gail) Mrs. Leery? Mrs. Leery: Hmm? Joey: (after a slight pause) I know. Gail is obviously startled and watches as Joey leaves. Cut to the filming of the movie on the pier. Joey is shown walking down the dock Joey: (calling out) Steven? Steven? Joey sees a bloodied shirt and bends down to pick it up. Pacey dressed as the Creature appears and Joey screams. She punches him and then picks up an oar and slams him in the stomach with it. He goes down as Joey runs to hide behind an old boat. She stumbles to the ground but picks herself up and ducks behind the boat. The head model of Joey is held up and Pacey knocks her head off with the oar. Fake blood squirts out. Dawson: And cut. Beautiful. Dawson changes the film while Jen helps him out with the equipment. Jen: Guys that was really good. Dawson: Perfect. That could not have gone any better. Pacey: (taking the head off of the Creature suit) Joey, you die so well! Dawson, can we get another one of those? 'Cause I so love that image. Dawson: No, we're behind schedule. Moving on. Joey smiles sarcastically at Pacey and turns around, her smile fading. She goes onto Dawson's screened porch and begins to change out of her bloodied clothes. Dawson and Pacey are seen in the background cleaning up. Jen enters and goes over to help her. Jen: (carrying a towel) Hey, Joey let me help you get that blood off. Joey: It's okay. I can get it. Jen: No, come on. I don't mind at all. It's not a problem. (Joey gives in and lets her help) Ewww, it looks like it's really stuck on there. Joey: I, I can get it. Joey begins to take off her bikini top. Jen: Here, let's get you covered up (Jen puts a towel around Joey's chest area) You have nice breasts. (Joey stares at her) I mean, don't get the wrong idea. I'm completely hetero, all right. I'm just commenting girl to girl. You have a really nice body. Joey: (self-conscious) I'm too tall. Jen: (washing the blood off of her) No, you're not at all. You're commanding. Hey, come on, I wish I had your stature and your long legs. My body's a mess. I'm too short, my hips do this weird thing and my face is shaped like a duck. Oh, and I hate my breasts. Joey: (stares at her, surprised) Are you serious? Jen: Yeah, I mean, it's completely normal to hate the way you look. Joey: (debates over it, then decides to say it) You don't look like a duck. Jen: (smiling slightly) You know, that's the nicest thing you've said to me since we've met. Joey looks away, regretting the compliment. Jen turns to leave, then pauses and turns back to Joey. Jen: Joey, I plan to make it really hard for you not to like me. Joey watches her leave, tightening the towel around her, an uncertain look on her face. Cut to Dawson and Joey filming the next scene. Pacey and Jen are on the lawn playing their characters, Steven and Penelope Pacey: Don't worry. I'll help you find your cousin. Jen: That's so sweet of you. I can never thank you enough.. Pacey leans over and kisses Jen. After a few seconds, Jen tries to pull away but Pacey won't let her. Dawson: Whoa. Whoa, Cut! Cut, Pacey, what the hell are you doing! Pacey: (finally pulling away) I'm kissing, what does it look like? Dawson: Snorkeling! It's not the way it's scripted. (looks at Jen) Are you okay? Jen: (laughing) Yeah I'm fine. Joey: (smiles) It's just a kiss, Dawson. Pacey: And you know what? Honestly, I think we should have another. Yeah? Jen laughs some more. Dawson: No. No. No kiss. I'm cutting the kiss. It's out. Joey: Wait a second, you can't cut the kiss. Dawson: Yes I can. I just did. All right? It's not working. It doesn't make sense to have our new character to be kissing her dad cousin's boyfriend. All right? The kiss is officially cut. Pacey: All right. So, then is that a wrap cause I got plans tonight, you know? Dawson: Yeah, it's a wrap. Jen: Yeah, I probably should be going too. Bye you guys. Jen goes to leave. Dawson: Hey, Jen, wait up. Dawson takes after Jen and Pacey and Joey are left standing next to each other Joey: And what are you up to this evening? Pacey: Well, it just so happens that the woman of my dreams is going to be at the school dance tonight and I plan on attending. Joey: (smirking) Lucky her. Cut to Jen and Dawson walking by the fence leading up to her house. Dawson: So, in honor of the school dance, I've rented Saturday Night Fever, Staying Alive and Grease. Jen: In the lieu of going? Dawson: Yeah, It's going to be a John Travolta night of interpretative expression. See, this way, we can dance and our feet never have to move. Jen: I can't Dawson. I'm sorry. Dawson: What? You have more enticing plans? Jen: (hesitating) Actually I'm going to the dance Dawson: Oh. Jen: I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to do the whole movie night thing. Dawson: It's okay. Are you going alone? Jen: No, actually uh, Cliff Elliott asked me. He thought it would be a good way to meet some new people. Dawson: Okay. Jen: Come on, don't look so down. It's not like it's a date or anything. He just asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes. Dawson: (shrugging) Ok, well call me confused but that's the definition of a date, Jen. Isn't it? Jen: (sighing) I know. You're right. I just wanted to go, you know. I mean, I'm new here and it just sounded like fun. Why don't you drop by and we can dance. Dawson: No, I got a date with Travolta. I wouldn't want to disappoint him. Jen: Well, see you later. Dawson Ok, see you. Jen: (enters into her yard and shuts the gate behind her) Bye. Dawson: (off-screen) Cliff. Cut to Dawson and Joey in his room. She lays on the bed watching him pace back and forth. Dawson: Cliff Elliott. What's that about? I don't get it. How could she be attracted to him? What's he got? Joey: Well, we could start with his chest measurements and work down. Dawson: No, no, no, beyond the external. (tapping his head) There's nothing going on up here. It's head fumes. The guy, he's a lightweight. His script is ludicrous, his story sense is even worse. Joey: I don't think a cinematic process is the attraction, Dawson. Dawson: What kills me was she was so open about it. You know, like 'I'm going to the dance with Cliff', like it wouldn't bother me. I mean, I respect her candor and all but it's a little on the thoughtless side. Joey: (nodding) Completely thoughtless Dawson: (sits down on bed) At this very moment they're slow dancing. Her arms are wrapped around his waist and they're moving to some stupid cheesy 80's song, and he's whispering things into her ear to kinda make her giggle and toss her hair off to the side. (Joey gives him a look) Every once in a while their eyes meet and they shift awkwardly because they know it's all coming down to that one moment at the end of the night where he leans over and tells her what a great time he's had. He asks her if they can do it again, and she just smiles in that sexy, teasing way that she has, it's not really teasing, but just sexy and says "I'd like that." (Joey rolls her eyes) And then their lips meet. Their mouths come together. Their tongues find each other, I...aauugghh! (he flops back on the bed) I can't take it. Joey: You're so dramatic. Dawson: I don't get it! I don't get it, what did he do that I didn't do? Joey: (sits partly up, looking at him) He asked her out! Dawson: (getting up) I'm going to the dance. Joey: What? Dawson: (going to his closet) I'm going to the dance. Joey: What? Dawson: It's my only recourse. Joey: Why? Dawson: 'Cause Jen is there. Joey: In the arms of another man. I mean, why trture yourself? Dawson: I'm an artist. Tortured is a prerequisite. Are you coming or not? Joey: Look at you Dawson. I mean, this little movie plot you got going on is not going to end the way you want it to. Dawson: (changing into a nicer shirt and vest) I'm the one who should be kissing her Joey. Not some JCrew ad. I can do it. I can make my bottom lip dance tonight. It's going to happen. I am going to kiss the girl. Joey: (lies back down) This is so pathetic Dawson but (she turns to look at him) I'm not above witnessing your hormonal su1c1de so, count me in. Dawson: Give me two seconds. I've got to check my hair Joey looks at him strangely. Cut to Joey coming down the stairs. She walks over to the kitchen and peers in on Mr. and Mrs. Leery. Mrs. Leery: We probably won't discuss this until after the dinner itself. I might be late. She goes over and kisses him. Joey leaves. Mrs. Leery: We'll sht for tonight. Mrs. Leery walks out of the kitchen and heads for the front door passing Joey, sitting on the stairs. Joey: (not looking up) Goodnight Mrs. Leery Mrs. Leery: (startled) Joey, you scared me. Ah, look we need to talk. Joey: (standing up) Do you remember my mom, Mrs. Leery? Mrs. Leery: I just want to clear up this morning. Joey: My mom was the best. She was an incredible woman. My dad, however, didn't always see that. He cheated on her for as long as I can remember and it tore her apart. Crippling their relationship and nearly destroying the entire family. Mrs. Leery: Why are you telling me this, Joey? Joey: Because your actions affect others. They bleed into the lives of those around you and... Gail: You don't understand... Joey: (interrupting) No, you don't understand. My mom got cancer and died so you do the math. You know your reasons for doing what you're doing? (pause) They can't possibly outweigh the everlasting damage you're creating. Mrs. Leery: (sighs) Does Dawson know? Dawson: (off camera) Know what? He comes bounding down the stairs. Joey and Mrs. Leery stare at each other. Joey: How to dance. I just told her we were going. Dawson: (smiling) I know how to dance. Joey: (smirking) Yeah, right. Dawson gives his mom a kiss on the cheek. He runs off and Joey turns to leave also. Joey: Have fun tonight, Mrs. Leery. ~~~~~~~~~~Part Three~~~~~~~~~~ The school dance at Capeside High. Pan over kids dancing to "I Want You" by Savage Garden. Jen and Cliff are standing next to a table drinking punch. Cliff: Fortunately, this is a victory dance Jen: Ah, did you make the winning play? Cliff: Well, you're here aren't you? Jen: (laughing) You know, that could have been my exit cue but you somehow pulled it off. Cliff: I sold it? Jen: Yeah, you're smooth yet unassuming. It's very enduring. Is there anything you're not good at? Cliff: Yeah. Dancing. I'm rhythmically challenged. Jen: (challenging) Prove it. Cliff takes Jen's hand and leads her onto the floor, where they start to dance. Pacey walks in and spots Tamara who is chaperoning the dance She whispers in another teacher's ear. He walks up to her. Pacey: Good evening, Ms. Jacobs. Tamara: (not thrilled to see him) Hello, Pacey. How are you this evening? Pacey: Confused, perplexed, bewildered, mystified. The source of emotion. Tamara: You know, I'm the chaperone and I should make the rounds Pacey: Would you like to dance Tamara? Tamara: (turns around) That's not a good idea, Pacey. Pacey: Of course it's not a good idea. But if things were different, would you? Tamara: (smiling) I...I have to go. Dawson and Joey arrive at the dance and see Jen and Cliff dancing to "All I Want" By Savage Garden. Cliff is definitely proving his point. Joey: (smiling as she sees them) Ahhh, they make such a cute couple. (turns to Dawson) What exactly is your plan? Dawson: (watching) I didn't get that far. Joey: Well you better write something quick, because in some world sectors, what they're doing is known as foreplay. shts of Jen and Cliff dancing. Dawson: (thinking) Do you dance? Joey: (shaking her head) No. Dawson: (taking her hand) Now you do. C'mon. Joey: (aggravated) Dawson, this is certifiable. Dawson: It's easy. You just move around, shake your ass back and forth. They reach the dance floor. Just then, the song ends and a slow one comes on. The camera pans over to various couples moving to the music. Joey and Dawson each look around, not quite sure what to do. Dawson steps toward her and takes her hand in his. Joey stares, overwhelmed, over his shoulder. Dawson searches for Jen. Dawson: We lost her Joey: (staring up at him) Maybe she's with your brain. Dawson twirls Joey around him, still looking for Jen. She's confused, but plays along. She comes back around him and he stares at her, smiling. Dawson: You're pretty good at this Joey offers a slight smile as the mood turns and their eyes search each other's. Jen: Hey, you guys The moment is broken. Jen and Cliff are next to them, swaying to the music. Dawson: Hi. Jen: You made it. Dawson: Yeah. Jen: Ah guys, you know Cliff? Joey: Hi. Dawson: Hi. Cliff: We have film class right? Dawson: Not exactly. It's my study hall base. Jen: But Dawson is a very talented filmmaker. Cliff: Oh yeah? You're into movies? Dawson: I dab. Cliff: Cool. Dawson: (trying to be smooth) I'll see you. Dawson dances Joey away. Joey: That went brilliantly. Cut to Jen leaving for the hallway. Pacey stares at Ms. Jacobs. Dawson notices Jen and runs after. Dawson: (out of breath) Hey Jen: Hey, Dawson. Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you. Dawson: Yeah? You know, here and there. Jen: I was hoping we could dance. Dawson: What about Cliff? Jen: (amused) Well, if you'd rather dance with him... Dawson: You know what I mean. Jen: It's a song, Dawson, A three-minute distraction from life. Dawson: He might get upset. You being his date and all. Jen: (annoyed) Forget I asked. Dawson: Jen... Jen enters the girl's bathroom. Dawson pauses for a second and then goes in after her. He quickly exits when girls start screaming. Dawson: Sorry. Cut to Joey and Dawson are sitting at a table. Joey is watching Dawson stare at Jen and Cliff. Joey: This is embarrassing. Let's blow. Dawson: No, I'm enjoying my misery. Cut to Jen surrounded by Cliff and his jock friends. Joey: While you stand here on the dock pontificating, little U.S.S. Jenny is sailing farther and farther out to sea. Haven't you had enough? Dawson: No, I'm still breathing. Joey: Dawson, you hardly even know this girl Dawson: I know. That's the magic of it, Joey. True, Jen stepped into my life no more than two seconds ago but already I feel that connection. The bond that we're meant to be together. You call a wish fulfillment and delusion of the highest adolescent order, but I'm telling you something primal exists between us. Joey: You're scaring me Dawson. You're doing this Frankenstein/Hyde thing. I mean, one minute you're Dawson, the next you're his psycho alter-ego. I mean, you're the sea creature from your own movie. Dawson: So be it, Joey. I can't explain it any better, Jo. The girl's a mystery to me, but I feel like I've known her my whole life. (pause) I mean, it's like the way I feel about you. (Joey stares at him) She challenges me the way you do, she could be you. Except...she's Jen. Joey looks away, trying to conceal her hurt. Joey: Well let me just remind you how you're little allegorical horror movie slash love story ends. The creature doesn't get the girl. He dies a violent, bloody, horrible death. Rest in peace, Dawson. It was nice knowing you. Joey gets up to leave. Dawson: Where are you going? Joey: I'm already dad, remember? Dawson looks over at Jen and Cliff as a slow song comes on and they step out onto the floor. Dawson: (getting up) It's time for a rewrite. Dawson taps Cliff on the shoulder while Cliff is dancing with Jen Dawson: Umm, excuse me. I'd like to cut in. Jen: What are you doing, Dawson? They've stopped dancing. Dawson: I said I want to cut in. I'd like to take over. Umm, I'd like to thank you Cliff for showing Jen such a great time for the greater part of the evening but I'm here now in sound mind and body, and I can take it from here. Cliff: What are you talking about? Jen: Yeah, Dawson. What are you talking about? Dawson: You and me. Me and her. Cliff, I know it's kind of confusing right now but all you need to know is that Jen and I have something going on and it's a little bit raw and undefined right now but it's my time to clarify the situation. So I'd like to ask you to manly step aside so I may have a moment with the object of my desire. Jen: (upset) Dawson, what are you doing? Cliff: Hey, you're going to have to leave right now, okay? This is too weird. Dawson: No. I think you need to go. I'm staying. Cliff: What's going on, Jen? Do you want to be with this guy? (to Dawson) Why don't you just go? A crowd begins to form around them. Dawson: No. Why don't you go? Cliff: And if I don't? Dawson: I haven't thought it through that far. Jen: I'll tell you what. I'll make it easy for both of you. I'll go. Jen leaves and the camera closes in on Dawson's face as he watches her go. ~~~~~~~~~~Part Four~~~~~~~~~~ Joey, Dawson and Pacey are walking down the street towards the pier Dawson: This could be the single most embarrassing night of my life. I'm a simp. Joey, how could you let me do this? Joey: See, I knew this was going to turn against me some how, where this would all be my fault. Dawson: And Pacey, my non-existent friend. Pacey: Sorry, man. I was otherwise engaged. Joey: At least I didn't desert you, I* came back! Dawson: Who's the mystery woman you keep alluding to? Pacey: Unfortunately, the mystery woman remains a mystery even to me. Dawson: (depressed) You know, at this moment, Jen's lips are probably pressing against Cliff's. Joey: (sighs) Don't go there. Pacey: You know what? It's my stop kids. Manana. Pacey leaves and heads down towards the pier. Joey and Dawson continue walking down the street. Cut to Mr. Leery is sitting at the kitchen table. Mrs. Leery walks in carrying a doggie bag of food from the restaurant. Mrs. Leery: Hi Mr. Leery: Hi hon. How'd it go? Mrs. Leery: Okay. I brought you a doggie bag. Oh, is Dawson home yet? Mr. Leery: I think our son is busy kissing the girl next door for the first time tonight. Mrs. Leery: (massaging his shoulders) Oh, sounds romantic. Mr. Leery: Ummm, remember our first kiss. Mrs. Leery: Of course I do. It was our first date. You took me to the movies, the one where Mary Tyler Moore was just this horrendous mother. Mr. Leery: Ordinary People. Mrs. Leery: That was it. Mr. Leery: No that wasn't it. That was our second date. Mrs. Leery: Wait. It was in your car at a stoplight. I remember you leaned over and you kissed me. Mr. Leery: No Mrs. Leery: Yes, it was. Mr. Leery: I can't believe you don't remember our first kiss. Mrs. Leery: (she heads to the fridge) I remember. I don't think you remember. Mrs. Leery: No, I remember every moment. It was the single most vivid moment of my life thus far. Mrs. Leery: Honey, I'm sorry. It's late and I've had a long night. Mr. Leery: And there I was giving our son advice on how to deliver the most memorable kiss only to discover that I'm a utter failure. Gail sneakily pulls out a tube of chapstick and puts it on. Mrs. Leery: Umm, I know. We went for pizza. It was that terrible restaurant where you rubbed the red pepper into your eye (she sits in his lap). Mr. Leery: Third date. You know, you just need to quit. She interrupts him and plants a kiss on him. They stand up as the kiss grows more passionate until she breaks it off. Mrs. Leery: How's the lips? Still chapped? Mitch: They need a little more. They kiss again, then hold each other. Gail looks over his shoulder, troubled. Cut to Pacey walking down the pier when once again he spots Tamara. Pacey: This cannot be happening. He walks over to where Tamara is standing. Pacey: Ms. Jacobs? Tamara: Hi, Pacey. Pacey: You know, I feel this strange familiarity creeping over me. Tamara: I thought it might be appropriate. Pacey: Give us a chance to do it all over? Tamara: Only change the ending. I'm sorry, Pacey, about my behavior. I mean, this is without question, the most absurd thing I've ever done. Not to mention punishable in a court of law. Pacey: It was just a kiss. Tamara: No. It was more than that. (pause) What I did was deadly wrong and I could stand here and try to explain to you my hopelessly troubled state of mind. Because you do deserve an explanation for my behavior but well, instead of feeding you ten years of therapy, I was hoping that maybe I could get by with a simple apology? And hope that I haven't left any permanent scars...I am sorry, Pacey. What I did was wrong and I am sorry. Pacey: Now, where do you get off taking all the responsibilities for this. I may just be fifteen, but I'm well beyond the age of accountability. Maybe not within the confines of the judicial system, but for me. (sighs) My lips kissed back. Right? I kissed you back. Tamara: Fair enough. Pacey: And you know what? I don't regret that at all and you shouldn't either. Tamara: But this can't happen again. From now on, our relationship is strictly teacher/student. I want that clear. Pacey: And if I were to object? Tamara: Well it's not up for discussion. You know, it has to be this way, Pacey, for all the obvious and non-obvious reasons. Pacey: (sad) This is so unfair. (honestly) I'm not good with girls and I finally meet someone... Tamara: Don't worry, Pacey. That will change, Trust me. Good night. Pacey reaches and grabs her arm as she tries to leave. She turns back to him and they kiss. Cut to Dawson and Joey still walking down the street. Dawson: Jo, let's assess. What have we learned from tonight's 90210 evening? Joey: That we should always stay home on a Saturday night and watch movies because the remote on the rewind of life does not work... [sic] Dawson: No, it doesn't. But that won't be a problem now that I officially ruined it with Jen. It's really over. Joey: It never began, Dawson. Dawson: You know I do feel like the monster from my movie. There's something inside me that I can't control. It's like I have no balance anymore. Everything's either high or low, hot or cold, black or white. It's like there's no middle ground, anymore. I mean, nothing's just okay. Joey: (sighing) I'm too tired to philosophize, Dawson. Dawson: Do me a favor? If I get like this again, and I'm sure I will, before this adolescent growth process is over, well next time just chain me to my bed and wait for my moment of clarity to come? Joey: (smiling wickedly) Can I use leather straps? Dawson: (still confused) Not until you explain the Crisco. Joey: (laughing) You are such a sphincter. You really are. I mean, I can't understand how someone so self-aware can be utterly clueless. Dawson smiles then looks down the street and sees Jen buying taffy from a vendor. She then steps over to the balcony of the pier and stares out at the water. Joey watches also. Dawson: (moaning pitifully) Oh man, What do I do? Joey: (shrugs) It's your call. Dawson: Well, I pretty much bastardized the evening. I may as well complete it. Joey: 'Til there's no one left standing. Dawson: Can I bag on you Jo? Joey: Yeah you can bag. Dawson: (punching her on the shoulder) Wish me luck. Joey: pauses for a moment, just looking at him. Joey: Good luck, Dawson. I hope you get your kiss. Dawson waits till she leaves then heads toward Jen. He walks up behind her. She senses him there. Jen: (still looking out at the water) I'm beginning to feel like your TV set. Dawson: I don't know what to say first. Jen: A first. (turning around) I am really angry, Dawson. Dawson: I know. Jen: What do you want from me? Dawson: I want to know what's going on between us? Jen: And does that question need to be answered tonight? Dawson: Sorry about tonight, Jen. I got scared. Scared I was becoming the friend. Jen: (upset) Oh God, the friend. How awful. Dawson: It is awful. I feel like I'm becoming a friend you come over and tell all your boy adventures to. I don't want that to be the case. I want to be your boy adventure. They both hear voices and look at a couple that are on a houseboat celebrating. Jen: Can't you be both? Dawson: (pauses) No, not at fifteen, you can't. It's too complicated. Jen looks away, pausing to think. Jen: (slowly) So, I'm interested. Dawson: (surprised) In what? Jen: An adventure. What do I have to do? Dawson: (moistening his lips) You can kiss me. Jen laughs a little and turns back to the water. Dawson looks a little hurt. Jen: You know, I really am a cliché, Dawson. In New York, I was moving fast, I was moving really, really fast. So fast I kept stumbling and falling. But here I feel like for the first time in a long time I'm walking at a steady pace and (she turns back to him) I'm afraid that if I kiss you, my knees may buckle and I may stumble and I don't know if I can handle it now. Music drifts from the houseboat. The couple stands and begins to dance to "You Don't Know Me" by Jann Arden. Dawson and Jen both watch until Jen turns smiling shyly to Dawson. Jen: Would you like to dance? Dawson: Here? Right now? Jen: (smiling) I've wanted to dance with you all night, Dawson. They move towards each other and begin to dance. Jen: (softly) See, the kiss is just the end result. It's not what's important. It's all about desire. And wanting. Dawson: And romance. Jen: (smiling and looking up into his face) Yeah, and romance. Jen sighs and lays her head on his shoulder. Dawson looks amazed that he's even there. Cut to Joey walking up the street, watching them. Her downcast face says it all as the camera draws closer. Cut back to Dawson and Jen dancing. The camera pulls back and the music fades.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x01 - Dirty Dancing"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 102 A Prelude to a Kiss Original Airdate: February 3, 1998 In this episode: Dawson struggles to create the perfect setting for his first kiss with Jen, and Joey argues that all the scheming and planning to make the moment ideal is proof that Dawson is living in a Hollywood dreamland. His weekend plans with Jen are foiled again, as he is enlisted to be the production assistant on a film project for the class that he's desperate to join, but Dawson finally gets his romantic moment with Jen, who realizes at the last minute that everything is just a little too contrived. Meanwhile, Joey meets and falls for a handsome and wealthy boarding school student, who is equally taken with her. Pretending to be someone she's not to impress him, Joey jeopardizes her chances with him. Meanwhile, Pacey continues to doggedly pursue Ms. Jacobs, who shows signs of cracking under the pressure. Dawson's room. Dawson and Joey are watching a movie and a guy and a girl are making out on a beach. Dawson pauses it. Dawson: This is a Jen moment. This is my future we're watching. Me & Jen. Jen and I. Joey: Mm, a black and white feature. How retro. Dawson: My first kiss with Jen is going to be just like that. Joey: Whoa. Wait a minute. We're back to that? You mean, you haven't even kissed that girl? Dawson: It's not about the kiss Joey. It's about the journey, creating a sustaining magic. Joey: Does Jen fall for this warped movie logic? Dawson: It's not warped. It's romance. Joey: It's old, Dawson. Just kiss her, will you? Take the elevator to the next floor and get off, it's time. Dawson: It's not that simple Joey. It's about creating the perfect moment. And it has to be planned with the right music and dialogue. Joey: You can't storyboard a kiss. Dawson: Sure, you can. Joey: It's not reality, Dawson. These movies that you're watching are false images that don't exist outside the city limits of Hollywood. Dawson: Not true. They're images grounded in the reality of imagination. Joey: Did you just pull that one out of your butt, or what? Dawson: Everybody thinks that movies are fantasy, but they don't have to be. From here to eternity. You can have that. You just have to create it. That moment on the beach could be yours. You could be Debrah Carr. Joey: Mm, sand in my crotch, heaven. Dawson: You know, it's attitudes like yours that prevent storyboard romances from happening. You're way too cynical. Joey: Right rolls her eyes. Dawson: And far too jaded for this conversation. Joey: I'm sorry Dawson, but romance doesn't come with a John Williams score. Dawson: It's called a stereo. Joey: And it doesn't come with a sunset or starlit summer night either. And I'm personally offended that this movie mentality where we're supposed to believe that Brad Pitt and Sandra Bullock are going to magically drop down from the sky and sweep us off our feet. Dawson: I didn't know you had a thing for Brad Pitt. Joey: I don't. It was an analogy. Dawson: teasingly Sandra Bullock? Joey: Dawson! These movies aren't real. They're not kissing with their tongues. It's Take 22, the girl's bored, the guy's gay. It's celluloid propaganda. Dawson: Joey, Joey, Joey. You bitter, cyncial, jaded...thing. Joey: You used to be bitter and cynical too. You were far more interesting. Dawson: But now I choose magic. Joey: You know this Peter Pan fantasy filmland you're living in? It will be your downfall. Dawson: One day you'll understand Joey. You'll know what it's like to long for someone, to desire to want to kiss them, and then you're going to come to me and say, "Dawson, you were right." See Joey. All you have to do is believe. Joey starts to climb out the window and stops halfway through. Joey: Clap hard, Dawson. You may be Tinkerbell's last hope. Dawson's Creek theme song Capeside High - film class. Dawson is sitting with his notebook at the back of the class. Mr. Gold: Alright, kids, so let's hear some ideas. Kid in the back: What about a big production number at the victory dance? Right at the end of the second half. Nellie: Will someone please tell Tommy Tune back there, that the discussion is limited to non-assinine ideas? Mr. Gold: Let's try to keep this story meeting a little more upbeat, and politically correct, Nellie. Another kid in the back: I got it! The coach has a heart attck and drops, right before the game. Cliff: It's the coach. Nobody cares. It has to be something bigger. Yet another kid: We start shting tonight, shouldn't the script be lotted? Dawson acts like somebody actually has brought up a good point.* Cliff: Yes, but we need to solve the ending. There's something missing at the top of the act. Another kid: What if we give the split end some kind of a problem? Like drugs, drinking, his girlfriend got knocked up. Nellie: kll someone. An unexpected death always works. Dawson can't control keeping quiet anymore.* Dawson: Guys, guys, you need to create some dramatic tension. There's a formula to it, that's all. Anybody ever see Rocky or the Karate Kid? This film needs to be about the underdog, not the golden boy. He needs to overcome some internal conflict within himself. And we, the audience, need to know why this game is so important to him. What's he going to prove to himself if he wins it? We need to care about him. Some people start laughing Nellie: Pathetic. Mr. Gold, as producer, I am going to have to insist that you shut him up. Bell rings. Cut to: Pacey going into a classroom and shutting the door. It's Tamara Jacobs' classroom. Pacey: I noticed you didn't hand me back my test. Does that mean you need to see me after class? Tamara: It means you racked up another prime number on a quiz. Pacey: Prime as in quality steak is prime? Tamara: Prime as in 23 is prime. Do you know anything about Ethan Frome? Pacey: I know that he has a farm. starts singing and on that farm he has a... Tamara: Pacey. This is serious. I heard the other teachers talking about your work, or lack thereof. This is across the board. You're failing. Pacey: Do you know how difficult it is to fail? This has taken a considerable amount of work and energy. Tamara: This is deliberit? Pacey: Of course. This is a pre-meditated death thrat (?). See it was my hope that a certain teacher was going to bail me out with some private tutorial encounters. Tamara: It's not a question of your intelligence, Pacey. Pacey: See, my problem is, I have a focus issue. I need a slve driver. Somebody with a whip, maybe? Tamara: Pacey, we can't interact like this. Pacey: Oh no, of course not. This is a deadly wrong taboo. However, you can tutor me. That is completely acceptable within our student, teacher, relationship. Tamara: I have a teacher's meeting after class. But I'll be working late. Meet me here later. About 6ish. Pacey: Yeah.. Pacey is very happy about this. He walks out the door. CUT TO: S.S. Icehouse Bessie: It feels like this baby is tangled in my rib cage. Joey: God, you're huge. Why didn't you stay home? Bodie: Never tell a pregnant woman she's fat. Joey: Sorry. You're not fat, Bessie, you're just monumentally gargantuous. Bodie: Your sister reminds me of a beached whale. Joey: Bodie... Bessie: You're joking, right? That was a joke. CUT TO the table where Pacey and Dawson are sitting. Dawson: This is my big break. Gold's going to let me in the class officially, providing I prove myself. Pacey: How? Dawson: I'm on the crew for Helmets of Glory. I'm a PA for Nellie. It's a test. Pacey: Yeah, pure humiliation. Dawson: See, that's the point. It's the winning attitude. Joey approaches the table. Pacey: Our serving wench is here. Joey sits down. Dawson: Of course this completely ruins my romantic plans with Jen this evening... Joey: Would you forget Wonderbra for a moment? Don't you have to work on your own movie? What's up with that? Dawson: Originally, I was going to do both. That was the plan. Bridge fantasy with reality and prove that yes, romance can be created. Joey: Get off of that. Pacey: What are you talking about, man? Dawson: End of the movie, right? The monster is dad. Beauty klled the beast. Penelope, our heroin, says her final goodbyes to the beast. I was thinking of sh*ting it up at the ruins. Joey: Ah, that's trespassing, don't get caught. Dawson: It's the perfect monstrous haven. Lush and romantic. Pacey: And the perfect place to seduce the young and beautiful actress playing Penelope. You dog, you are sly. Dawson: You make it sound so cheap. Joey: Do you want anything or did you come just to infect the place? Pacey: Uhhh. Dawson: I'm picking up a to go order. Ten fish and chips, five family fries, and a dozen shrimp burgers. Joey: looking at Pacey* And what do you want? Pacey: Actually something a little sexy would be good, I gotta a maybe sorta date this evening. Joey: Hmm, who's the lucky farm animal tonight? Pacey: Ahh, What's that , what's that that makes a woman horny? Joey: Your polar opposite? Dawson: You mean oysters. Pacey: Right oysters, A dozen oysters, Joey, pack 'em up. Joey notices Anderson. Pacey: (cont.) And you could pack 'em up now Joey. Hellooo? Joey? Hello? Anybody home? Dawson: Who is that guy? Joey: Who's who? Pacey: Uh, the guy that was breaking your neck. Dawson: Who is he? Do you know him? Joey: I've never seen him before. He's probably some rich kid who just stepped off his mommy and daddy's yacht or something. Pacey: Could it be? Joey is finally noticing the opposite sex! Joey: Shut up. Pacey: shouts EXCUSE ME YOUNG MAN. THIS WOMAN HERE THINKS YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE. Joey reaches over and covers his mouth. Joey: You buttplug. Pacey: Forget it, Joey. Guys off yachts don't go for waitresses. Joey: I'm going to kll you. One night in your sleep, a slit throat maybe, or a screwdriver to your temple. Be ready. CUT TO: Filming for Helmets of Glory.* Jen walks up on Dawson while he's messing with the helmets. Jen: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Hey. What are you doing in here? Jen: Oh, just living a fantasy. Dawson: No, seriously. Jen: Cliff gave me a part. Dawson: No part where there's a couch (?) involved, right? Jen: No. Cliff's a very nice guy. And I've got 2 lines. "Way to go!" and "Those missed the word sure do look big." Dawson: But Jen you're supposed to be in my movie not this homage to head gear. Cliff walks over. Cliff: Hey! Glad you made it. Jen: Hi. Cliff: Just in time, we were just about to start. Nellie: Rehearsal's up. Cliff takes a helmet from Dawson. Cliff: Thanks David. Jen: It's Dawson. CUT TO classroom. Tamara and Pacey. Tamara: Has Ethan made it to the County Fair yet? Pacey: Uh...yeah...yes he has...yes he has... Tamara: Amazing. There was no County Fair when I read it. Pacey puts the book down. Pacey: What were you in high school? Tamara: What do you mean? Pacey: A jock, a brain, a cheerleader... Tamara: Why? Pacey: Just curious. Tamara: Well, I was captain of the dance team and class treasurer. And I studied...a lot. Pacey: Boyfriend? Tamara: Yes. Pacey: A jock? Tamara: Centerfielder why are you asking? Pacey: Would you have dated me? Tamara: Pacey.We're in school, we are not alone, there are people in this building. Pacey: If you and I had gone to school together and we were the same age, would you have dated me? Tamara: Probably not. But that was a long time ago. I've learned a lot. I'm smarter now. Well, I was until a few weeks ago. Tamara hands Pacey a paper. Pacey: What's this? Tamara: Summary questions for the first 2 chapters. I tell you what. You answer all of them and maybe I'll give you some positive reinforcement. Pacey: Yeah? Tamara: Yeah. CUT TO: Joey walking outside of the S.S. Icehouse towards a yacht in which Anderson is playing the violin. Anderson: No applause. Just send money. Wait. Don't go. You know, you were spying on me. Joey: It's a public dock. Anderson: No, it's okay. My name's Anderson. Anderson Crawford. Joey: Congratulations. Anderson: So do you come with a name, or just an attitude? Joey: Just an attitude. Anderson: And people find this charming? Joey: I haven't asked. Anderson climbs off the yacht and walks towards Joey. Anderson: So, what brings you to Capeside? Joey shrugs. Anderson: Tough question. Yeah, I know, I know, you'll get back to me on that. Joey: Well, what brings you to Capeside? Anderson: My parents. They're going to antique towns in a search for some chair. Apparently, Paul Revere once bought it. Joey: Well, that explains your parents, but what about you? Anderson: I'm the crew. I used to go to boarding school. You can only take that all male environment for so long. Tell me something about you. Joey: Well, I'm a Pisces, I'm into body piercings, and men with tattoos. Anderson: Are you here with your parents? Are you guys on a boat? Joey: Actually, we brought the chauffeur. Mother hates to sail. She doesn't like the sun. She burns easy. Anderson: What about you? Joey: I wear lotion. Anderson: No, I mean, do you like to sail? Joey: Why do you ask? Anderson: I'm taking a survey. Because I want you to come sailing with me, tomorrow. Joey: I can't. Anderson: Come on. I'll show you my tattoo. Joey: Gap ad has a tattoo? Anderson: If you come sailing you'll find out. Joey: Okay, maybe. Anderson: I can live with maybe. As long as you tell me your name. Joey: Debrah Car....son. Debrah Carson. CUT TO: Pacey and Tamara in a classroom. Pacey puts the book down on the desk. Pacey: Done. Quiz me. Tamara: Okay. Let's start easy. What was the name of Ethan's wife? Pacey: Who is Zena? Tamara: Correct. Pacey: So what do I win? Tamara: Wait. There's more. What was the name of the town in which they lived in? Pacey: What is Starfield? Tamara: Very good. Pacey: Fine. I'm ready. Tamara: One more. Why do you think Ethan had such a strong sense of duty? Pacey: Uh... Tamara: You must cite some examples from your text when constructing your response. CUT TO: Film shting for Helmets of Glory. On tv Cliff: That's why we've got to give it 110%. Dawson comments. Dawson: 8 days a week. Cliff: Remember how hard we worked this summer? Now's when it pays off. Dawson: With communal showers. Cliff: Let's do it for the coach. Dawson: He likes to raunch (?) Cliff: Let's go out there and show them what we're made of. Dawson: There's no cliche here. Cliff: Let's lay it on the line. Dawson: May I have another? Nellie: My, my, my. Does someone have to have a talk with Mr. Gold about someone's attitude? Dawson: Go for it, Nellie. Nellie: Oh I will, believe me. I will tell him exactly how you disrupted filming and delayed the entire production. Dawson: When did you start to hate me? I missed it. What did I ever do to you? Nellie: It's what you didn't do. You haven't earned your place here, Dawson. I worked all summer on this script and I don't appreciate you walking in here and trashing it. I don't hate you Dawson, but this is business, strictly professional. You need to show a little gratitude. Now you shape up, or you're going to be shipped out. Understand? Cliff: Let's go again. Alright everybody, back to 1. CUT TO classroom with Pacey and Tamara. Pacey: Which explains her motivation and desire to keep Ethan from seeing beyond the somewhat limited scope of life with her on the farm. Tamara: Well, well, well. Pacey: And my reward is? Tamara: You got me, Pacey. I never expected you to get this far. Pacey: So Miss Jacobs was bluffing? Tamara: Your reward is your education. Pacey: No, no, no, no no... Tamara: I tell you what, I'll owe you. Pacey: It's okay, Tamara. Tamara: No, it's not. Pacey. This is my place of employment. Pacey: It's late. There's no janitors, no film crew, everybody's gone home for the night. It's just you and me. Tamara: Pacey. Pacey: What? What's the matter? Tamara: You know, you're right. Let's do it. But where should we do it? I know, how about my desk? Our first time should be on my desk. Strip. Hurry up we don't have much time. Better drop 'em. Pacey: I know what you're doing. You're calling my bluff to see how far I'll go. Tamara: No, no, no, I'm deadly serious. Take them off. Pacey: I'm on to you Tamara. You think I'm going to cave, that I wouldn't go through with it. Tamara: Do you have any condoms Pacey? Because we are going to need condoms. Well, this is a high school. I'm sure you can round some up. Pacey: I, uh.. Tamara: What's wrong? Pacey: Well...this isn't exactly the most romantic place on Earth, you know... Tamara: What is this your first time, Pacey? Pacey: You know that it is. Tamara: Go home, Pacey. You need to find a girl your own age. Not some insane middle-aged woman. Pacey: Please, Tamara. Tamara: Please no buts. This can't go one second further, it's beyond wrong. You have to understand that. Pacey: You keep saying how it's wrong. And maybe it is. But just to set the record straight, I'm a firm be believer that sometimes it's right to do the wrong thing. Good night. CUT TO: Joey walking towards Anderson's yacht. Anderson: Debrah, Debrah Carson. Joey: Anderson, Anderson Crawford. Anderson: Wow. You look amazing. Joey: Yeah? Anderson: Yeah. You want to come aboard? My parents met some Carson's in the winter at Palm Beach. Any relation? Joey: We're pretty much just Manhattan bound. Anderson: Where'd you go to school? Joey: Chote (sp?). Anderson: It's a drag, isn't it? Joey: What? Anderson: Boarding school. Joey: Well, I don't think so. I kind of like it. Anderson: What's there to like about it? Joey: It's the priveledge of existence. Think of the options, you could be stuck in a small town like this where nothing exciting ever happens. Anderson: It's not the education. It's the boarding life. Seems kind of unnatural. Separated from your family. It just doesn't seem fair. Joey: Yeah, I keep telling myself I'll get used to it, but I never do. Anderson: I didn't know you sailed. Joey: Well, I'm a woman of many talents. Joey and Anderson are sailing. CUT TO: Beach. Anderson and Joey are playing frisbee. Anderson: My dad's in investment primarily. He doesn't really work. What's yours? Joey: Oh, he's a CEO of a huge conglomerate. Anderson: Which one? Joey: One of the nation's best selling tampons. Anderson: Oh. So what's your boyfriend like? Joey: Is that your backwards way of asking if I have one? Anderson: Well, I assumed that you did. Joey: And what makes you think that? Anderson: The way you carry yourself. You're really hands off. It's like a clear radio signal. I guess if I was dating somebody, I'd want them to give off the same vibe. Joey: And how would you feel if she sailed to a deserted beach with some mystery man? Anderson: As long as she didn't keep a secret. Didn't lie about it. The truth doesn't hurt, it's the lies that kll you. Honesty is still the primary quality I'm looking for in a girl. CUT TO: Filming of Helmets of Glory.* Cliff: Alright everybody. We can do this. And...action. The kid who is filming the two players running and talking is shaking the camera a lot. Nellie: Uh! Do you think we could get somebody who is not epileptic to run the camera? Kid: You try it. You try running backwards with a handheld and see if you can do it any better. Dawson: There's actually a technique if you brace your arm.. Nellie: Did you say something? Dawson: Lookin' good. Nellie: We need more tape from the film lab. Go fetch doggie Dawson. Dawson runs into Jen on his way to the film lab. Jen: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Jen: How's it going out there are they ready for the all important cheerleaders? Dawson: Hardly. They haven't even gotten the beautiful take of the first scene. Let's just say as a director, your friend, Cliff, makes a great quarterback. Jen: Well, we can't all be prodigys. Dawson: But Helmets of Glory? Can you even say it with a straight face? Jen: Barely. Dawson: Why are you here? Except for watching me get humiliated. Jen: Because I knew you'd be here. Hellooo. Dawson: Hey if we finish early do you want to help me get that magic hour sht? Jen: Absolutely. I'd love the chance to work with a real director. Dawson: Later. If we ever get out of here. Jen: You got it. CUT TO: Anderson and Joey on the beach.* Anderson: Here's the grassy nole and this is Dallas. Now Oswald is here. Joey: Do you actually buy into that magic UFO theory (?). Anderson: Are you saying everyone on the wine commission lied? Joey: All I'm saying is Kevin Costner was pretty convincing in JFK. I mean, I can't believe you actually read the report. Isn't it like a million pages? Anderson: I was curious. Joey: There's curious and then there's sand models of Dallas. Have I told you about my UFO theories? Anderson: What? Joey: My UFO theories. How they swoop sometimes destroying entire cities? Joey turns and looks at the Frisbee. Anderson: No you don't. Joey: It's just Dallas, home of Ross Perot and the Cowboys. Anderson has tackled Joey and is now on top of her and he leans in to kiss her and Joey turns away. Joey: Look at the time, I've got to go. Anderson: Is that the truth? Or are you just trying to wiggle yourself out of a romantic situation? Joey: I'm sorry. Anderson: Let's get Cinderella home. Joey: Today was a lot of fun Anderson. But you should know the truth. Anderson: And that would be? Joey: I'm not Cinderella. Not even close. CUT TO: Filming for Helmets of Glory. Cliff: Alright everybody. This is it. I can feel it. The camera is shaking as much as it was earlier. Cliff: Cut! Sorry. Let's go again. Pacey rolls up in a wheelchair. Pacey: Oh, magic filmmaking. Dawson: Pacey. Nellie: What's your loser friend doing here? Dawson: Get out of that thing. Pacey: Just keeping it warm. Nellie: Cliff, sweetie, this isn't working. I know you want this moving tracky thing but Dawson: Guys, just let me do it. Nellie: Look, Dawson, I've had it with you! Cliff: Who, wo, wo. You've got an idea? Let's hear it. I'm open. Time lapse. Dawson is in the wheelchair filming and Pacey is pulling him. Cliff: And action. Cut! Cut! Great! Perfect! CUT TO: The S.S. Icehouse. Jen and Dawson are sitting at the table. Joey is headed towards them. Jen: You were brilliant today. You really put that Nellie Olsen right in her place. Dawson: Well, thank you. The real filming is yet to come. Joey: So, what can I get you guys this evening? Dawson: We'll have two turkey clubs, and two Cokes. Jen: And no mayo on mine. Joey: Can I suggest Bodizone (sp?) fat free herb sauce? It's great with the club. Jen: Sold. Dawson: Um, sandwiches to go. Cokes while we wait. We're catching magic hour tonight. Joey: Oh yeah. I'll put a rush on it. She walks off. Jen: What has gotten into Joey? Dawson: I don't know. It's bizarre. CUT TO: where Joey and Bessie are in the Icehouse. Bessie: You were late. Look, I'm in charge until you're 18 or dad gets parol. Whatever comes first. We have to help each other out Joey, it's just the way it is. Joey: I'm sorry. Ruin my good mood. I'm just trying to have a moment of happiness in my otherwise pathetic existence. You can relate, can't you? Joey spots Anderson walking towards the Icehouse. She hurries over to where Dawson and Jen are sitting. Joey: Mind if I join you? I'm on break. Dawson: No. Not at all. Joey waves to Anderson. Jen: Who's that? Joey: Nobody. Jen: Kinda cute nobody. Anderson: Hey Debrah. Joey: Hey. Anderson: What are you doing here I thought you had to be with your parents? Dawson: Who's Debrah? Anderson: She's Debrah. Dawson: No she's not. Anderson: So she's not. Well then who did I spend the afternoon with. An imposter? Jen: It's just that, we don't call her Debrah. She's just Deb to us. Anderson: Are you guys from New York as well? Dawson: Wait a minute, what's going on here? Jen: Yeah. Deb and I go to school together. And you are? Anderson: Anderson. Anderson Crawford. Dawson: Would you like to join us, Deb's friend, whom we've never met...ever? Anderson: Um, I'm just getting a take out. Bessie: Sandwiches up! Dawson and Jen both look at Joey. Dawson: You know, Anderson, the food's good here but the service is a little iffy. Anderson: You think your parents might free you up tonight? Joey: I don't know. Family scrabble tournament tonight. Bessie: Hey Joey! Joey: I might be able to sneak away later. Anderson: Well, you know where I'll be. Bessie: Planet Earth to Joey. Joey: I'll stop by after the game. Dawson: You know sharade is a good 7 letter word you can use in that game. Joey and Jen both kick Dawson. Anderson: I must have come right in the middle of something. Bodie: Here you go. He sets the sandwiches down. That's $7:50. Miss? Would you like anything? Joey: No, but thank you. Bodie: Anytime. Anderson: I ordered a take out. Bodie: Right this way. Jen: It was nice to meet you. Anderson: Yeah, see you guys later. CUT TO: school. Pacey is wheeling the wheelchair down the hallway and he overhears Mr. Gold and Tamara talking. Mr. Gold: Are you kidding? It's my favorite. Isn't it yours? Tamara: No, my favorite scene is where Streissand meets up with Redford years later on the street then he grabs her hand (?) Mr. Gold: And then she brushes his hair off his forehead like she did when they first met. Tamara: It's so bittersweet. They belong together. Mr. Gold: But they can never go back to the way things were. Tamara: Oh stop it or I'm going to cry right now. Mr. Gold: Okay, let's get out of here. I'll walk you home. We'll take the scenic route. Tamara: Oh will you hold my hand like Katie and missed the name? Mr. Gold: Maybe more. Tamara: Oooo. I'll get my things. She walks out of the room and towards hers. She meets Pacey. Pacey: Hello Tamara. Tamara: Mr. Gold is right around the corner. Pacey: I know, I heard. He's walking you home. Tamara: Well, Mr. Gold is a friend of mine. Pacey: Oh, clearly. Tamara: Friend, Pacey. Pacey: Well, I know what you do with your students so I know he's in for one heck of a ride. Tamara: Look you have got to stop with this before it gets out of hand. Pacey: Oh this is already out of hand. Wait, wait. Tamara: What do you want from me? Pacey: You. I want you. CUT TO: Ruins. Dawson: We're actually not supposed to be here. The dad's dad and the son's a real ass so if you see anybody run like hell. Jen: Oh now we're trespassing, are we? Dawson: Yes we are. Jen: What is this place? Dawson: A monster's secret haven. Jen: No, seriously, what is this place? It's incredible. Dawson: It's part of some guy's estate he built it for his dad wife. She loved Greece. It was her favorite spot. Then she got sick and couldn't go there anymore so he brought Greece to her. Jen: That is so romantic. Dawson: Yeah? Jen: I think so. This is absolutely beautiful. Dawson: Well, we've got to hurry or we're going to lose the sun. Jen: So what do you want me to do here? Dawson: Well, just give me that and sit right here and watch as I create the moment. I was thinking about using this for the closing sequence. Jen: Well, it's a little schmaltzy considering it's a horror film. Dawson: I was going for the tragedy. See, the monster is dad but in his death Penelope finds understanding. She comes here to her secret place to say goodbye. It's themeatic. Plus it kind of balances out all the blood. Jen: I see it. Dawson: You do? Jen: Yeah. Dawson: Ready? Jen: Yeah. Okay, so, what's my direction? Dawson: That of longing, incredible sadness. Think about what just happened. The monster you klled is the man you loved. The victim of an experiment gone terribly wrong. Cut. And print. Jen: Was that a take cause I can do it again? Dawson: That was amazing. Jen: Sadness is my specialty. Should we do it again because.. Dawson: It was perfect. Jen: Well, I had a good director. Dawson: And I had a good actress. So... Jen: So.. Dawson: It's a shame to waste all this good production design. The sunset, the music, the soft candlelight. Jen: Wait a minute. What are you doing? CUT TO Joey walking towards Anderson again. Joey: You're pretty good at that thing. Anderson: Hey. I was hoping you'd show up. Listen, um, we leave tomorrow. But I come to New York all the time. I'll take you out to dinner. The Rainbow Room. We can dance the night away. Joey: I'm not a very good dancer, Anderson. And I prefer Boulay (sp?). I'm an East side girl. Anderson: But Boulay isn't....let me get you my number. Call me. Would you? They kiss Anderson: Can I walk you somewhere? Joey: No. You need to stay right here. In the moonlight. It's where you belong. CUT TO: Ruins. Jen: Dawson you were videotaping a really private moment. Dawson: Let me explain. I wanted the moment to be perfect between us. I wanted to create something special. Worthy of how special I think you are. Jen: Dawson you try too hard. You're over zealous. Dawson: It's my downfall. Jen: Why can't you just let the moment exist why do you feel the need to make it happen? Dawson: I just, I do. I don't know what else to say Jen except my intentions are nothing short of honorable. I've never met anyone like you before and you scare me. Jen: I scare you? Dawson: And I love the way you scare me but it makes me nervous and then I do or say something stupid and try to come up with ideas to make me smart so you won't think I'm stupid and then those ultimately backfire making me seem even more stupid. It's all a vicious cycle and I'm really at the end of my rope here Jen because all I want to do is kiss you and if I don't kiss you soon I'm going to explode. Jen: Oh, you know Dawson this really sucks. Dawson: Why? Jen: Now I'm scared. Dawson: Why? Jen: The kiss. You've built it up to be such a big deal. What if I'm a disappointment? Dawson: Never happened. CUT TO: Joey getting into the truck with Bessie and Bodie. Bessie: Where were you? Joey: Nowhere. Bessie: Hey thanks for helping me out today. Joey: She's being nice Bodie. What does this mean? Bodie: Tread lightly. Joey: Boulay? That restaurant in New York. It's on the East side isn't it? Bodie: No, it's in Tribeca. It closed down a couple of years ago. They had a great chef though. Why? Joey: No reason. Joey drops the piece of paper with Anderson's number on it out the window. CUT TO: Ruins. Dawson: All of the dumb things I do are rising around you. What does that mean when you keep doing dumb things around the same girl? Jen: I'm sure something extremely missed the word. Dawson: Oh no. Jen: What? Dawson: We've got to hide. Let's go. Jen: Where are we going? Dawson: I don't know. Jen: Who's coming? Okay, so what do we do? Dawson: Huh? Two people are in the ruins (It's Pacey and Tamara.) Jen: Dawson, this is really gross and it smells. Dawson: I know, I know. Shh! "What would happen if we kissed" starts playing. Jen: Ew there's like stuff in my hair. Dawson: It's just like a cobweb or something. They kiss CUT TO: Pacey and Tamara. They are having sex -- while being caught & recorded by Dawson's video camera	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x02 - Prelude to a Kiss"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 103 Carnal Knowledge Original Airdate: February 10, 1998 In this episode: Dawson is surprised to find scandalous footage of Ms. Jacobs and an unidentified man making love outdoors, after he accidentally leaves his camera on location, and running, overnight. Panicked, Pacey reveals to Dawson that the tryst is between he and Ms. Jacobs. Meanwhile, on the eve of Dawson's parents' 20th anniversary, Dawson discovers that his mother has been having an affair with her co-anchor and Joey has known about it. Hurt and confused, Dawson wants desperately to tell his father. To further confuse matters, Jen reveals that she had been leading life in the fast lane in New York, which is why her parents sent her away. Completely put off, Dawson doesn't know how to respond to the fact that Jen is not a virgin. Dawson's room - Dawson is watching a videotape of Jen when she first arrived from New York. He pauses it. Dawson: Oh god, she's perfect. Joey: Perfect? Dawson, you disappoint me. Dawson: Those eyes, that hair... Joey: Well, I grant you that the girl has certain physical attributes but nothing so original or mysterious to want perfection. Dawson: Okay, easy. Joey: I mean, a face like that leaves nothing to the imagination. The well-maintained good looks of an upper-middle class New Yorker. There's no mystery there. I can see her entire future in that pose. Dawson: Really? Joey: Yeah. In three years her above average SAT scores will grant her admission into a small liberal arts college somewhere in New England where she'll major in...art history before returning to Manhattan to marry a bond trader she meets some Saturday afternoon at America's cup watching party. Within a year they move to suburban Connecticut, refurbish an old farm house, and raise three neurotically perfect children. Dawson: You've put quite a bit of thought into this. Joey: Not really. It's just so obvious. Dawson: Well, to be honest, I think I prefer to let Jen surprise me, okay? Joey: Suit yourself. I'm just trying to save you some time. Dawson: Can you hand me that B roll (?) over there? Joey hands it to him. Dawson: (cont.) By the way, I'm taking suggestions on what to get my parents for a suitable anniversary gift. I'm at a total loss. I mean, what do you get two people who have spent every day together for the past like 20 years? Joey: Offhand, I'd say separate vacations. The video that was sht at the ruins of Pacey and Tamara is playing.* Joey: (cont.) Uh, Dawson? I know your cinematic influences are still evolving, but I never anticipated a Rustin Myer (?) phase. Dawson: I didn't sht this. Joey: I think we found the perfect anniversary gift, Dawson. What is this? Dawson: I don't know, I swear, I didn't sht it. I must have left the camera running when we ran out of the ruins. Joey: You know it's not without a certain quality. Dawson: Very watchable. Joey: Yeah. Dawson: It's funny, that woman looks familiar. Joey: I know what you mean. If you brushed her hair out of her eyes a little.... Dawson: And maybe sat her behind a big school desk... Joey: It could almost be... Joey and Dawson: Miss Jacobs! Dawson's Creek theme S.S. Icehouse. Pacey, Joey, Dawson, and Jen are sitting and talking about the video. Dawson: So there she is, on tape, doing it with some guy. Jen: Miss Jacobs? As in 5th period English Miss Jacobs? Dawson: The very same. Pacey: Wait a minute. You have a tape of Tamara? Joey: Oh, I'm sorry, Pacey. I know you thought she was saving herself for you but... Dawson: I was sh*ting some pickup at the ruins with Jen and we accidentily left the camera running when we ran out and the rest is prn history. Dawson, Joey, and Jen start laughing. Pacey: God, that's really strange. Um, you can't tell who that guy is or anything, can you? Dawson: Standard over the shoulder sht we can't see the guy's face. Joey: So if you're thinking of tracking him down just look for the guy with the brown hair and throbbing neck muscles. Pacey: Uh, Dawson I think, uh, I think I should get to take a look at that tape. Dawson: Sure, we'll arrange a private screening for you. Joey: Yeah, so you can flag the bishop in privacy. Pacey: You know that's really clever how you turn all the sexual repression into humor. Jen: You know what, you guys? I'm late, I should get going before Grams puts on the APB(?). Dawson: I'll walk with you. Later kids! Pacey: Dawson, don't forget man, I want to see that tape. Joey: Pervert. Pacey: Prude. CUT TO Dawson and Jen walking towards her house.* Dawson: Pacey talks a lot like he's got all of this experience. It's a lot of bluster. Jen: You know, someone once said the more a person talks about it the worse they are at it. Dawson: Well, I hardly ever talk about it. Jen: I know, that's why I keep sticking around. They lean in to kiss but Jen catches a glimpse of her Grams in the window so she pulls away. Jen: You know what, Dawson? Uh, now may not be the best time for this. Dawson: I take it we're not alone. Jen: Practically a menage a trois. Just look at it this way, Dawson. Repressing desire can only make it more powerful. So the next time I see you, we are in for one titanic kiss. Dawson: If I can survive the wait. Jen: It's not waiting Dawson, it's anticipation. She starts walking towards the house then comes back. Jen: Screw it. They kiss. CUT TO Kitchen in Jen's house. Grams: Do you do these things to upset me Jennifer? Jen: It was only a kiss Grams. Grams: Only a kiss. I seem to remember a lot of trouble back in New York starting after only a kiss. Jen: You know, your definition of trouble is broader than anyone's I know. Grams: Then why don't you tell me why you think your parents sent you here? Jen: Why don't you remind me Grams? I haven't heard a resitation of my sense for what, like, 15 minutes? Grams: I don't do this to tortue you, Jennifer, I do it so you won't stray down the same path twice. Jen: You know what, Grams, I'm bored of this. Of the way we talk to each other, of these conversations that we have that go round and round in these incredibly pedestrian circles and we say the same things over and over again. So let's just end this right now. What you saw outside with me and Dawson, Grams, was only a kiss. Grams: Only a kiss... CUT TO the Leery living room. Mitch: How could you have never seen that before? Gail: I've never seen in before, I swear to God. Mitch: You're kidding. You mean, after 20 years of marriage... Gail: Not 20 yet, not until Monday. Dawson comes in. Mitch: Hey Dawson, I want you to hear this. Your mother just told me that she's never before seen this scar underneath my chin, can you believe that? Dawson: You mean the one that you got from that mo-ped accident like 10 years ago up in the cave? Mitch: Yes! Thank you, Dawson. Thank you very much. You see there, my son knows my face better than you do. Maybe you should start coming home early. See my face in the daylight for a change. He leans down and kisses her. She pulls him back down for a more passionate kiss. Dawson: Don't bother, I'll show myself out. Dawson heads up the stairs towards his room to find Pacey digging through all of his tapes frantically searching for the tape of him and Tamara. Dawson: Pacey. Pacey! What are you doin'? Pacey: The tape! Dawson: The tape? Miss Jacobs? Pacey: The tape! Yes the Miss Jacobs tape! Dawson: Stop! Dude, you're messing up my dailies! I told you I'd show you the tape, you couldn't wait? Pacey: No, I guess not. Dawson walks towards the bookshelf and pulls out a hollow book with tapes inside. Dawson: Dude, I knew you had it bad for her but calm down! It's no big deal. Here you go. You mad dog. Pacey: Dawson? Dawson: Yeah? Pacey: You know, maybe I haven't been entirely honest with you lately. I mean, not that I've lied to you or anything, just withheld some details. Dawson: Okay... Pacey: Well, I'm not cursed with self awareness like you are, Dawson, but I know enough to know how people see me. I mean, I'm not the guy who gets the girl. The guy who talks about getting the girl, but not the guy who gets her. Enough people say that stuff about you and you start to believe it yourself. Dawson: I'm not quite following you here Pacey. Pacey: I got the girl this time, Dawson. Dawson: What? Pacey: Yeah. Call it the law of averages, call it an act of God, call it whatever you want, but I got her. Dawson: Who? Pacey, who'd you get? Pacey: Oh man, you know what, Dawson, I don't know how to tell you this but the guy with the brown hair and the throbbing neck muscles..the guy with Tamara Jacobs...uh, that's, that's me. Dawson: No... Pacey: Yeah. I'm not just talking this time though, but, oh, I wish I was 'cause off the top of my head I could think of about 40 reasons why this tape could ruin my life. The least of which is the embarressment factor, I mean, no guy's first time should be captured on video. Dawson: Are you crazy? I don't think there currently exists a word to describe my reaction. Pacey: But, I like her Dawson, I really do. And it's not just the sex, man, I don't know, maybe this is too improbable and bizarre to ever work out. Dawson: Bizarre might be a word, yeah. Pacey:Yeah. Uh, this is, this is gonna sound a little strange but on the tape, I, did I look alright? Performance wise, did I cut it, man? Dawson: Yeah, you did fine, man. I mean, from what I could tell, yeah, you did fine. Pacey: Cool, man. Thanks. Uh, don't tell anybody or... Dawson: Alright... Pacey walks out the door. CUT TO: Dawson and Joey shopping. Joey: We could get them some candlesticks. A nice picture frame, maybe a piece of (missed the word). Dawson: Do you really think they'd like something like that? Joey: Dawson, your parents are middle-aged, white suburbanites, they live for (missed the word again.). Dawson: You should see my parents lately. It's disgusting. They're like, half the time they're making out or dry humping in the living room. You know, what's sad is I'm actually jealous of my parent's sex life. Joey: What do you mean? Blondie isn't giving you any. I thought by now you would of uh.. Dawson: You're real romantic, aren't you Joey? Joey: Well, personally I don't think you're going to get anywhere unless you off the wicked grandmother. Dawson sees his mom with Bob helping him pick out a sportscoat. Dawson: Mom? Gail: Dawson! Hello. Joey! What are you doin--well, this is a surprise. What brings you out here? Dawson: Just doing some shopping. Gail: Oh I'm sorry. Dawson this is Bob: Bob Collinsworth. Dawson: Yeah. 6 and 11, right? Bob: Right. Gail: And Joey. Bob: Hi. Joey: Real thrill. Bob: Uh, listen your mom was just helping me out with a little wardrobe problem. Seems that station research has indicated, well, viewers like me, they hate my sportcoats. Anyways, it's wonderful to finally meet you Dawson. Your mother has told me all about your film, being a bit of an indy fan myself, I'd love to take a look at it whenever it's done. Dawson: Sure. Okay, yeah. Gail: Oh, uh, we really should get back to the prep session. Bob: Oh, she's right. Uh, take care. Pleasure to meet you both. Gail: See you at home, honey. Dawson: Bye mom. Gail: Bye Joey. Dawson: You know, it's funny, when I first saw Bob on television I thought he was a real tool but I don't know, now that I've met him in person he doesn't seem so bad. What do you think? Joey: I think you had it right the first time. CUT TO Kitchen at Jen's house. Grams: Dare I ask? Jen: Your worst fears are founded Grams, I'm going to see Dawson. And, maybe I'm just asking for it right now, but I would rather you say whatever it is you're thinking than continue to look at me the way you are right now. Grams: You know that boy only wants one thing from you. Jen: No, no. That's not Dawson at all. He's completely sweet and honest and romantic. Grams: And him and that Potter girl. The way she climbs in and out of his bedroom window. I don't even want to guess. Jen: No, Dawson and Joey are just friends. Sure, I mean maybe there's some of that sexual tension thing that happens when a guy and a girl have been friends for so long but that's as far as it goes. And as far as Dawson and me go, Grams, you saw the entire highlight reel yesterday afternoon. Grams: So I'd be correct in assuming you have certain feelings for him? Jen: Yeah, you would. Grams: Well, nothing can be done about that. I just hope that you can avoid making the mistakes, that you and I both know girls your age often make. Jen: You always find a way to get that last dig in, don't you? Grams: Oh, Jennifer, you exasperate me, everything I say isn't meant as criticism. Jen: No, I know, I know, some of it's meant as judgement. CUT TO: Pacey heading towards Tamara's table outside of the restaurant across from Screen Play Video. Pacey: Hey Tamara! Tamara: Hi. Well, this is a surprise. Pacey: Well, yeah, I saw you sitting here and just thought I'd come on over. Tamara: Well, I'm glad you did. Pacey: Oh, whatcha reading? Tamara: Oh, just the approved tenth grade reading curriculum, I'm trying to choose the next book for our class. Any suggestions? Pacey: How about something with a little action in it this time? Tamara: Action? Pacey: Yeah, sex. I mean, what is our school board so afraid of? We're practically adults now, we can handle this stuff. A few blue novels are not going to kll us. Tamara: Pacey. Every piece of literature that you read this year will have sex in it. Everything you read last year probably as well. Pacey: But it's not real sex. I mean, it's sex as a cautionary tale, sex is a warning. I'm not kidding about this. Every time somebody in one of those books has sex, something bad has to happen to them. Romeo and Juliet. They have sex, next thing you know they're klling themselves. The Scarlet Letter. Ester Prinn has sex and next thing you know she's an outcast for life. The, uh, Greek one... Tamara: Edipus (sp?)? Pacey: Yeah, that one! That guy sleeps with some chick, who granted is his mother, he's so freaked out by it, he pokes out his own eyes. Okay? That's not real life. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it has been known to happen, that every once in awhile, two people sleep together, they enjoy it, and afterward everything works out fine. Tamara: You really think that is possible? Pacey puts his hand on Tamara's but she pulls away. Dawson's room, on the video camera. Jen: Stephen? Sea Creature comes out and yells. Jen screams. Off camera. Dawson: Alright, reaction. And I want complete honesty. Jen: Well, it's.. Dawson: But before you actually say anything just know that your opinion means a lot to me and if you hate it, I can't even anticipate the down spiral it might send me on. Jen: Well, with my pathetic shreek aside, I think it's really good, Dawson. Very promising and I'm sure it's going to turn out great. Dawson: Great? Jen: Really great. Dawson: Um, I still have a lot of pre-dubbing to do tomorrow down at my mom's station. They let me use the equipment down there without too much hassle so um, but would you like to come along? Jen: Yeah, it sounds cool. Dawson: Yeah? Really? Jen: Why are you so surprised everytime I jump at the chance to spend time with you? Dawson: I don't know. Natural skepticism perhaps? Jen: Well, get over it. Not everything in life has to be so complicated. Dawson walks over and sits next to Jen on the bed. Dawson: You know, in the old movies, whenever two characters were in bed together the censors always made one of them keep one foot on the floor. Which I never really understood because I figured if the characters were clever enough they could still do almost anything. They kiss and they start to fall back on the bed but Jen stops them. Jen: Dawson, we've got plenty of time to prove our censors wrong we don't have to make our case today. Alright? Dawson: Okay. CUT TO Dawson's mom's studio where Jen is screaming into a microphone. Jen: Ahhh! Dawson: Alright that was great. Can we see it with the picture? Guy: Sure, yeah. Seen your mom this morning yet, Dawson? Dawson: Nah, I'll track her down later. K here we go. We'll go again. This time more shock less anger. Jen: Alright. More shock, less anger. Ahhhh I'm sorry, Dawson... Dawson: We'll take a break... CUT TO Jen and Dawson by a soda machine. Dawson: I'm sorry if I was being a bit of a perfectionist in there. I get like that sometimes. Jen: Nah, I like a man who knows what he wants. Dawson: Really? Sorta like me? Jen: Sorta. Aw, Dawson look there's your mom. Dawson turns to see his mom plant a kiss on Bob. CUT TO: Dawson and Jen sitting on a bench. Jen: Look, I know that your head must be spinning right now, and, I don't know, maybe, one of the things you're thinking is how unfair it is right now and you need to talk to someone but you're kind of stuck here with a little more than a semi-stranger. But, I mean, we always seem to have something to say to each other, even if our conversations are more banter than real talk, you know, fun and sweet and everything, but kind of on the surface. What I'm trying to say is that if you want to talk to somebody about this, I mean, really talk, I mean, I know we've never done that before, but I'd really like to be that person. CUT TO Dawson knocking on Joey's door. Dawson: I need to talk to you. Joey: Okay. CUT TO Dawson and Joey outside. Dawson: What I should really do is tell my dad. "Dad the woman you're about to celebrate 20 blissful years of marriage with, well she's sleeping with Bob now." Apparently the scent of his ice-blue aqua velvet was too much to resist. Joey: I think we both know that's not the best idea Dawson. Dawson: God, I joked about them having an affair but I was never serious. You ever wonder what the rate of adultery is in this town? I mean, your parents, my parents. We live in like this Norman Rockwell picture postcard town with whitewash fences, and beachfront houses. Do you think people know? Joey: People always know. Dawson: Well, we didn't. Right? Joey? I didn't know. Did you? You knew. How could you not say anything?! Joey: Why? So you could hate me for telling you because you know that's what would have happened. Besides I thought you would have seen it by now. Dawson: What? Joey: Well, you're a pretty perceptive guy, usually. I think we can agree that you've been a little preoccupied. Dawson: What are you talking about? Joey: I'll give you a hint. Blonde hair, about the last stages of a B-cup. Dawson: Don't turn this into a discussion about Jen. Joey, you lied to me. Joey: I didn't know how to sa-- Dawson: What? What are you thrat by Jen? Joey: thrat, Dawson? No, I'm not thrat, I'm bored. Dawson: You're bored so you lie to me to curve your own boredom. Joey: I was trying to be your friend. Dawson: No, Joey, what you did was not the action of a friend. What you did, and let me make this perfectly clear, is disengage this friendship. Joey: No, Dawson. I was trying-- and I didn't-- I didn't know how to-- Dawson: Searching for something to say, Joey? At a loss for words? Don't worry. Your actions are far more articulate. Bye....see ya later...have a nice life. CUT TO: Pacey watching Tamara and Mr. Gold across the street from Screen Play Video.* CUT TO: Gail and Dawson, Leery's front lawn. Gail: Oh, hi Dawson. Dawson: Hi. Gail: Oh, I didn't see you at the station yesterday. I thought you were going to stop by and say hi. Dawson: Things got a little crazy. Gail: Sorry I missed you. Honey? Is there something bothering you? Dawson: No, I'm fine. Gail: Uh huh, well I don't believe you. You've never been good at disguising that look of preoccupation you get when something is bothering you. Okay, let me guess, one of the many women in your life has got your head spinning? Dawson: Something like that. Gail: Dawson? CUT TO: Dawson knocking on Jen's door. Grams: Yes, what can I help you with? Dawson: Two things actually. First of all, I know you don't like me. You look at me like some sex-crazed teenager looking to corrupt your granddaughter, but I want to assure you that that's not the case. Not at all. Grams: What's the second thing? Dawson: Um, I'm here to pick up Jen. Grams: JENNIFER! CUT TO Jen and Dawson talking. Dawson: I don't know, maybe it's me, I mean, maybe I have these old-fashioned ideas about fidelity which I obviously inherited from my father's side of the family. Oh, I'm sorry, am I starting to bore you? Jen: No. Dawson: 'Cause I think I'm starting to bore myself. Jen: No. Not at all, Dawson. I mean, I'm glad that we can talk about this. I was a little hurt earlier when you wouldn't say a word to me and I was sure you ran to pour your heart out to Joey. Dawson: Well, I won't make that mistake again. Do me a favor Jen. Promise me that you'll always be up front and honest with me. Jen: Okay. Dawson: It's not just a passing remark. I firmly believe that secrets destroy. They wound and hurt to kll and I really want us to have a chance. Okay? So no secrets between us, ever. Jen: Yeah, yeah, I mean, but, don't you think that in certain situations there are things that people just don't want to know. Dawson: No because even if my mom had fallen completely out of love with my dad then she should have been honest with him. Jen: I'm not talking about your parents. I mean, don't you ever wonder why two months ago I suddenly came to live up here? Dawson: Well you told me it's because your grandfather's sick and your grandmother needed your help. Jen: My grandmother's been an RN for the past 40 years, the only thing I can help her with is staying out of her way. Dawson: Okay...so why are you here? Jen: Okay. Honesty, right? Dawson: Yeah. Jen: My parents didn't exactly send me up here to help out Grams. They sent me up here because the cliches about teenagers in the big city are true. Dawson: What cliches? Jen: Come on, you've heard them. They grow up too fast, stay out too late, hang out with the wrong kind of people, have sex to young... Dawson: Your parents wanted to get you away from kids like that? Jen: No, Dawson, I was kids like that. Dawson: The sex part? Jen: Yeah. Dawson: With a boyfriend, right? Jen: Yeah, but not just to him. Dawson: Okay. So all that stuff you said about being a virgin before I should probably disregard that. Jen: And you know what? Maybe I'm just being completely self destructive here because I like you and I know that the timing is off and everything but you know this is at your request. And you know what? You should be honest. You should know who you're dating. You're okay with this, right? Dawson: Yeah. I mean, you know, the way I thought you were talking it was going to be much worse. Jen: Dawson? Dawson: What? Jen: Would you hold my hand? Dawson: Yeah. Sure. CUT TO Capeside High.* Jen: Hey! I missed you this morning. Dawson: Came in early. Movie stuff. Jen: Oh so anyways, I was kind of feeling like blwing off my lab report if you want to go to a movie or something? Dawson: That sounds great, but you know what? I'm so behind in my homework that I don't think my GPA can afford it. Jen: Okay, well, maybe just a quick study break then. Dawson: Okay, yeah, I'll call ya. Jen: Yeah? Dawson: Definitely. Jen: Dawson, look, about what we talked about last night. Dawson: Jen I really gotta go, okay? But I'll talk to you later. Jen: Yeah. Later. CUT TO Pacey watching Tamara and Mr. Gold again.* He walks in her classroom. Pacey: Question of the day. Do you think if someone is having an affair with multiple partners they should tell both partners of the arrangement? Tamara: An informal survey, Pacey? Pacey: Oh, no, I think you'll think this is relevent what with STD's and AIDS running rapid. Not to mention the moral involvement. Tamara: No, I agree. If you were intimately involved with someone else, I'd want to know. Pacey: Me? Oh, no, no, no, don't turn this around on me. Tamara: Don't turn what around? Pacey: The issue. Tamara: And what's that? Pacey: Well do you like him or do you like me? Tamara: You know you're very disarming when you start sounding your age. Pacey: I saw you two at lunch yesterday and today again in the hallway laughing together, the way you brush his arm. Who's it gonna be Tamara? Me or Mr. Gold? Tamara: You know, I never knew you were so bothered by this, Pacey, because I'd hate to think I have to choose. I mean, Benji and I have so much in common. We love to talk about books and authors, and we're both big opera fans, not to mention our legendary man troubles. Pacey: Man troubles? Tamara: Yes. Apparently, in your extensive research, you failed to detect that I'm not exactly Benji's type. Pacey: No? Tamara: Not unless you think I bear some resemblence to Mel Gibson. Pacey: Mr. Gold is gay?! Tamara: Shhh. It's not to be repeated. Pacey: So I don't understand. Yesterday at the cafe when I tried to hold your hand... Tamara: And because we were in a public place where any number of students or teachers or parents could see us I didn't let you. Pacey: Oh. Tamara: Pacey. If you're confused about us, if you're trying to make sense out of what's happening between us, the best I can tell ya is so am I. Pacey: Yeah, really? Tamara: Yes, really. CUT TO hallway. Jen: Hey. I think you owe me about 7/8ths of a conversation. Dawson: Yeah, I guess I do. Jen: I mean, it's probably just my own pathetic insecurities but I want to talk more about what we said last night. Are you sure you're okay with it? Dawson: I'm fine with it. Jen: Really? Dawson: Yeah, besides Jen it's in the past. It's over and done with. Even if I really did have a problem, what could I do about it? Jen: You could tell me. Dawson: Tell you what, Jen? You tell me I'm supposed to say something but I don't know what it is. Jen: Well, then let me help you out. You could tell me why you've been avoiding me all day, or what's behind that look in your eyes, whether it's repulsion or jealousy or complete disapproval because I know I've never seen it before. You could tell me that you suddenly feel strange about us, that maybe we need a little break because you don't seem to know me and maybe you never really did. Or, and now I'll make it really easy for you, you can just tell me if I've left anything out. I didn't think so. CUT TO Video store. Dawson: So it wouldn't bother you? Pacey: Why would it bother me? Dawson: Because she's not a virgin. Because she's had sex with other guys. Pacey: You see, this is what I don't understand about you Dawson. If the woman I was hot for came up to me and in some confessional way told me she wasn't a virgin, don't you see what she's doing for you? Dawson: No. Pacey: You don't see it. Dawson: I don't. Pacey: She's giving you an in. She's saying, "Look, I understand that you're a little nervous about making the first move on me because you're some romantic who puts women like me up on a pedestal so here, I'm going to give you the greatest gift any desireable woman can give to a sexually inexperienced guy." Dawson: An in? Pacey: Exactly! She's saying she wants it just as bad as you do, man. Your carnal needs a reciprocal. Dawson: This is not about sex Pacey it's about romance. You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you? Pacey: Yeah, I do. Dawson: No you don't because what I was going to say before this the world according to Pacey speech is this has nothing to do with the stupid in or even getting Jen in the sack. It has to do with one thing. Pacey: The fact that you are scared. Face it. Dawson, the Jen Lindley you have built up in your mind does not entirely exist, okay? In your movies, she can be whatever you want, but in real life, the scripts got thrown out. Dawson: So it seems. Pacey: All I can say is enjoy it, man. Life has some pretty unexpected benefits. Dawson: Yeah, I could do without all the unexpected plot twists though. The virginal girlfriend-- Pacey: Is not exactly a virgin. Dawson: And the high school strike out artist Pacey: Is now having an affair with his English teacher. Dawson: Then there's also the happily married couple who's celebrating they're 20th wedding aniversary tonight who's really not as happy as we thought. Pacey: Yeah. That sucks, man. Have you talked to your mom? Dawson: Nope, change of plan. Pacey: Dawson, I thought you said you were going to tell her. Dawson: I'm going to tell my dad. CUT TO Leery's living room. Mitch has the stereo on and is getting ready to go out. Dawson turns it off. Dawson: Hey. Mitch: Hey. I didn't see you come in. Dawson: So tonight's the big night, huh? Mitch: Do you have any idea how long 20 years is? Dawson: No.. Mitch: And that doesn't even include the 4 years your mother and I dated. Dawson: There's something I've got to talk to you about. Mitch: Most of our college friends are already on their second marriages by now. We all got married at the same time, early 20s, which is a little young by the way. Dawson: I admit that there's a strong possibility that this is not the right time for this. Mitch: But you know, after 20 years I can still say the same thing I did then. Can't imagine my life without her. Dawson: Dad. Mitch: What? Dawson: There's something I've got to tell you. Mitch: Sounds serious. What is it? Dawson: It is and I know this is the wrong time to talk about this but Mrs. Leery walks into the room. Gail: Hey Dawson. Be ready in a second, honey. She walks out of the room. Mitch: Okay. Umm, Dawson, I'm listening. Dawson: Happy Anniversary, dad. Have a great time. Mitch: That I will. CUT TO: S.S. Icehouse. Jen walks in. Jen: Hi. Joey: Sorry, kitchen's closed. Jen: Well, if you can stand the shock, I actually came to see you. I need some advice. Joey: And in what field do you consider me an expert in? Jen: Dawson Leery. Joey: You know, I'm sort of busy here with these receipts and locking up maybe we could do this another time. Jen: I told him I wasn't a virgin. Joey: I think I have a minute. Jen: It's just that he seemed so disappointed in me, which of course made me angry and now I don't know where we are. Joey: Well, let me tell you about Dawson. Granted he's articulate for his age but he's not exactly mature. He's the classic only child. He pouts when things don't go his way and he only sees things in black and white. Anything else confuses him. Jen: Yeah. Joey: And when it comes to women...there are popes who have had more experience. I mean the guy was a shrimp until last summer. To say his sex life is limited is the understatement of the decade. It's barren. A desert. I don't envy what you have to deal with, believe me. Jen: You're not trying to scare me off, are you? Joey: No. I'm just trying to say that every guy that grows up to be one of the good ones...he was probably a dweeb with girls when he was 15, too. Jen: So what would you do? Joey: Same as you. I'd get hurt, mad, confused, ask people for advice, maybe the wrong people, and then I'd wait. Jen: For what? Joey: For him to grow up, come around, everything. Jen: And how long does that take? Joey: Don't go by me. I'd probably be stupid enough to wait forever. Jen: Mind a little company? CUT TO Tamara's house. Pacey is there reading a magazine while Tamara is grading papers or something. Pacey: Can I ask you a question? How old are you Tamara? Like 35? Tamara: Something like that. Pacey: I mean, you've been with other guys, right? Tamara: Some, yes. Pacey: A lot? Tamara: Well, not a lot that mattered. Pacey: And how many was that? Tamara: That mattered? You want numbers? Pacey nods. Tamara: Well, let's see. There was one in high school, one in college, since then I'd say uhhh there's been three. But no one for a few years. Pacey: Oh. Great...thanks.. Tamara: Pacey. Pacey: Yeah? Tamara: About the one in high school...I didn't mean my high school. Pacey smiles. CUT TO Jen talking to her Gramps. Jen: Well it's been another busy week here in Capeside. The last two people who I thought ever would agree on something now do. Both Grams and Dawson officially think I'm a slut. You know, between you and me, I don't even know what the big deal is. I mean, in two years, nearly 55% of my peers will have had sex, and in five years, in 5 years it will be almost 100 and nobody will care when I did it. But as for now, it's an unfortunate and major deal. Who knows? Maybe by the time you wake up a 15-year-old girl with a shady past won't be such a bad thing. CUT TO Joey walking towards Dawson in the ruins. Joey: Hanging out with all your friends? Dawson: Yep. That's why you weren't invited. Joey: Phasers on stun, I come in peace. You're going to screw it up, you know? Dawson: What? Joey: Jen. She came and talked to me. I told her sit tight, he'll be back.. Dawson: Thanks. Appreciate it, Joey. Joey: I explained to her that it's just displaced anger and you're just mad at your mom and dad. Dawson: I'm mad at the world, Joey. I'm a teenager. Joey: Oh, and by the way, we're old pals now, Blondie and I. So, uh, if you have any messages you want to get back to her, let me know. Dawson: Look, whatever you've done, thanks, but I don't want to talk about it right now. With you. Joey: Come on. Passing up a chance to dish about the girl of your dreams? I thought that's what you did with your friends. Dawson: It is. Except I'm not sure that we are. Joey: How droll. The tables have been turned. Dawson: This isn't just about yesterday Joey. It's last week, last month. Everything between us recently, we're not getting along the way we used to. Joey: So the friendship? You don't think we're friends anymore? Dawson: I don't know. Are we more? Are we less? All I know is it's just not the way it used to be. Nothing is anymore. Joey: It's called social evolution, Dawson. What's strong enough flourishes and what doesn't we look at behind glass cases in science museums. Dawson: You and I? Are we museum bound? Joey: I don't know about that. You get angry at me way too easily. Dawson: You're way too critical of me. They laugh. Dawson: In some alternate universe, we must have been married, like, 50 years. Joey: Yeah, and I'm sure it was a wonderful wedding. Dawson: Oh, the best. Joey: We each brought dates, I assume. Dawson: Yeah. Jen was by my side throughout. Joey: And at the end of the evening the inevitable question, who to take home the date or the wife? Dawson: Mmm..a dilema. Joey: Fascinating. Faced with the choice you stood, surveying your options, your eyes drifted slowly from her, to me, back to her. Dawson: And back to you. Joey: Yeah, but I was off having a drink with the rich guy at the bar. Dawson: Till moneybags got fresh and you needed somebody to bail you out. Joey: I don't remember that part. Dawson: Oh, I do. Clear as day, absolutely. You were definitely in need of a rescue. Joey: Were you man enough? Did you set aside your clear-headed analysis of the situation and act? Did we, uh, did we save each other that night Dawson? Dawson: You know, it gets a little hazy at this point I really can't remember. Couldn't tell you. Joey: When it comes back to you, I'd certainly be serious to hear how it all ended. Dawson: You'll be my first call. Joey: Well, goodnight Dawson. All this subtext is making me tired. Dawson? Dawson: Yeah? Joey: No matter how the wedding turned out, I'm pretty sure I had a wonderful time up until the end. Dawson: quietly Me too. Joey walks away and turns back. Joey: No doubt about it...straight to the Smithsonian.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x03 - Carnal Knowledge"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 104 Blown Away Original Airdate: February 17, 1998 In this episode: As a hurricane approaches Capeside, emotions run as high as the winds. Worried that her son may be on to her, Gale has her worst fears confirmed and realizes that she now has no choice but to come clean to her husband. Accusations and mistrust don't stop there, however, as neighbors Grams and Jen come over to Dawson's house to weather out the storm and clash with Joey's pregnant sister Bessie and her fiancé, Bodie. And Dawson, who is already at the end of his rope over his mother's infidelity, lashes out at Jen over his own disillusionment with the fact that she is not a virgin. Meanwhile, Pacey is annoyed when he ends up at Tamara's house not alone, but in the company of his brother Doug, the dutiful cop. (The wind knocks over a picture of Steven Spielberg in Dawson's room.) Dawson: Whoa. Well, so much for Twister. What's next? Joey: I vote for the Poseidon Adventure. Dawson: Yeah, but Towering Inferno has a higher body count. Joey: They just burn. In the Poseidon Adventure, the deaths are much more interesting. Everything's upside down. Dawson: Hey, it's time. Let's see if our disaster movie séance worked. (Dawson turns to watch the news.) Reporter: (on the TV) Good evening from the Weather Center, where we continue to track the progress if hurricane Chris, gaining momentum as it heads up the coast. Warnings for several local areas and even school cancellations. Local officials have gone ahead and cancelled classes for tomorrow in Yarmouth, North Falmouth, and Capeside. (Dawson and Joey give each other high fives.) Dawson: Score! (Back on TV.) Gail: Well, Bob, it looks like tomorrow would be a good day just to stay in bed. Bob: You've got that right, Gail. Dawson: God, could they be anymore obvious? So, Gail, what are your current views on the situation in Bosnia? Will you be jumping my bones after the broadcast? (Dawson turns the TV off.) Joey: Does your mom know you know? Dawson: No. Joey: Your dad? Dawson: Profoundly clueless. Joey: So. Paul Newman or Gene Hackman? Dawson: You know, Jo, I'm a little tired, do you mind if I sack? (Joey puts on her shoes.) Joey: You know you're going to have to deal with this, Dawson. Dawson: Everything's postponed because of the hurricane, my life included. Joey: Your life is a hurricane. Dawson: No metaphors Joey, it's too late. Joey: Later. Dawson: I'll see you tomorrow, Joey. Joey: Dawson? Dawson: Yeah? Joey: Fasten your seat belt, it's going to be a bumpy life. (Dawson watches the TV, which is still showing the news with Gail and Bob.) (In the Leery's kitchen.) Gail: (on the phone) Well, I guess if it was the Capeside bake-off then I would be your man.... No, I'm not trying to be sarcastic I'm trying to be a reporter.... Fine, Jim. If anybody needs be I'll be right here, (sarcastically) darning my husband's socks. (She hangs up.) Unbelievable. Mitch: I take it they're not letting you cover the hurricane. Gail: Of course not. I'm missing a certain appendage between my legs that apparently uniquely qualifies someone to cover inclimate weather. Mitch: Well, me & my appendage are both thrilled that you will be here safe, where you belong. (Dawson walks in on them kissing.) Dawson: Alright, flashlight, candles, cold shower, and batteries. Mitch: Thanks, Dawson. I'm going to run next door and check on Jen and Mrs. Ryan, extend an invitation to them to ride out the storm. Dawson: Okay. (Mitch leaves.) Dawson: Dad's a great guy, isn't he? Maybe on the Tom Hanks/Harrison Ford idealistic side, but solid like a rock. Gail: Without question. Dawson: And faithful. Even to a fault. Gail: Mmmhmm. (agreeing) Dawson: So who's covering hurricane Chris? Gail: Bob got the gig. Dawson: Ah, that Bob. He's on top of it. Gail: He's a great guy. Dawson: Dad's a great guy. Bob's the anchorman. Gail: Um, honey, did you secure the front porch? Dawson: I'll get right on it. Gotta get ready for hurricane Bob. Gail: Hurricane Chris. Dawson: Oh, that's right. Chris is the hurricane, Bob's the anchorman. (Dawson leaves) Gail: Oh, boy. (The beach. Pacey and Doug are heading towards Tamara's house.) Pacey: I just want it noted that I am here under complete diress. Doug: Oh, just stop your punk ass whining. Pacey: School's out today. It's my one chance to sleep in, catch up on my soaps, enjoy the storm. Doug: Hey, Dad's orders. Pacey: Dad's orders. You say that with such a lapdog enthusiasm. Doug: You know I'm gonna kick your ass. Pacey: Oh, you're so butch, Dougie. Doug: Oh, screw you. Pacey: Doug, you're going to have to learn how to process these hostile outbursts of rage. I mean, any therapist is going to tell you that these a re just mere repression tactics to mask your true hm desires. Doug: Just because I'm pretty, doesn't mean I'm gay. I happen to be the straightest guy I know. Pacey: Oh, really? I think your CD collection would contradict that. Barbra Streisand, the soundtrack to Les Mis'... Doug: I have any interesting and soft complexity. Pacey: You know what, Doug? You don't have to defend yourself to me. I'm on your side. I just want you to live a happy and, uh, fruitful life. Doug: You know, women happen to love my CD collection. Pacey: Answer me this, why did you choose a profession that requires you to dress like one of the Village People? Doug: I choose to wear a badge because our father, the chief of police in Capeside, instilled in me a sense in duty and a belief in justice. Pacey: Right. Which makes it all the harder for you to come out, I understand that Doug. You know I'm sure there are support groups for gay officers. Doug: Listen Pacey, I am not gay. (Joey's house.) Bodie: You're wobbling. We already agreed on this. Bessie: It's mutilation. Bodie: Yeah.. Bessie: Studies show that the trauma of having your genitals sliced can have a lasting effect until adulthood. Bodie: Trust me. If I was conscious of it, I would most definitely remember it. Joey: You know, Junior's foreskin will be a non-issue if we all blow away in a typhoon. Bodie: It's just a warning. These things never come this far north. Joey: Well, I vote we go to Dawson's. Bessie: Hey, actually, that's not a bad idea. Bodie: Don't change the subject. This kid is being circumcised. Bessie: No, he's not. Bodie: Just because you're pregnant, don't think you're going to get the last word on this. Bessie: Watch me. (Pacey sees Tamara in front of her house.) Pacey: Tammy! Tamara. Tamara: Hi! (Pacey tries to get closer to her but she pushes him away.) Tamara: No, don't! (Doug comes up.) Doug: Backside's all done. Yo, Pace, give me a hand here. Tamara: It's good to see you, Pacey. Your brother was kind enough to help me secure the place. Pacey: Oh, yeah, he's a great guy. Tamara: So, how's your homework coming? Hope this bad weather's giving you a chance to catch up on your reading. Doug: Are you kidding? The guy's a goof. He hasn't cracked a book since third grade. Tamara: Oh, really. Then, you'd be pleased. Your brother's doing quite well, Officer Witter. Doug: Oh, please, call me Doug. Tamara: Okay. Doug: And I can call you? Pacey: Miss Jacobs will be fine. Tamara: Or Tamara, whatever you like. Doug: Tamara. (Lightning sounds.) Tamara: Ahh. I'm sorry. I hate storms. I really don't do well at all in bad weather. Doug: Well, we'll have to do something about that. (Pacey gives him a look.) (Mrs. Ryan and Jen are on the Leery's porch.) Mrs. Ryan: I've weathered more storms in my time than you can count. Mitch: Humor me. I'll feel a lot better if you guys are over here with us. Mrs. Ryan: If the Lord decides to blow my house away, so be it. Jen: Oh, Grams, I forgot to tell you. The Lord sent a fax when you were out. Something about the armageddon... Jen: Hey stranger. Dawson: Hey. I heard your Grandfather's back in the hospital, I'm sorry. Jen: Oh, yeah, they're just running some tests, he'll be okay. Makes Grams kind of anxious though. Well, how are you doing?? Dawson: Good. Jen: Okay. Can I give you a hand with something? Dawson: No, I'm cool, thanks. Jen: You're being cold to me Dawson. Dawson: No, I'm-- Jen: I mean, it's not judgement or anything, it's just an observation. Do you want to talk about this? Dawson: It's got nothing to do with you, us, I've just got a big to do list in my head. Really. Jen: Sure. (Jen walks inside the house. In the living room, the TV is broadcasting the news coverage.)) Mitch: Alright, everyone. Make yourselves at home. I'm gonna fix up some lunch. Bessie: That's so kind of you. We really appreciate it. Mitch: No problem. Mrs. Ryan, do you know-- Mrs.Ryan: We've met. You're Bessie, Joey's unmarried sister. Bessie: And this is Bodie. Mrs. Ryan: Mmmhmm. Bodie: Mmmhmm. (Mrs. Leery is sitting on the porch steps talking to Bob on the phone.) Gail: Thank you, Walter Cronkite. May I remind you who won the local Emmy and the Golden Desk award, hmm? (Dawson watches her from inside.) Gail: Bad boy. You just be careful out there. I'd like you back in one piece. Okay. (kissing sounds are made into the phone) (Dawson comes downs the stairs, purposely being loud.) Gail: Um, I'll call you back. (hangs up) Dawson: Got a new award for you Mom. It's not a trophy though. It comes in the form of an A. And you have to stitch it right here. Congratulations. (Mrs. Leery follows Dawson as he begins to leave.) Gail: Dawson, honey, we need to talk. Dawson: About what? The weather? Gail: Honey, um, I know you must be really angry right now. And it is completely justifiable. Dawson: Save it. Gail: Honey, please, hear me out. Dawson: Mom. Gail: I love your father. Now I know that may seem a little hypocritical at the moment but what is happening between Bob and I... Dawson: Bob and me. Bob and I is gramatically incorrect. Gail: If you let me, I might be able to help you understand this. Dawson: Understand what? The complicated mind of an adultress? Do you have some new earthshattering rationale on why you're breaking the sacred vows of marriage? It's pretty straight forward, isn't it? Gail: No it isn't. There are reasons. Dawson: Reasons? Boredom maybe? Look, why don't you pull the "I'm 40 now, it's time to be selfish, life has passed me by" crap. Gail: Would you let me explain? Dawson: What? Mom, go for it. Explain purge. But purge the right person. I'm the son. There's a whole missing element here, I think it's downstairs, and it has a name. Husband, spouse, mate, better half. Any of those ring a bell? (He goes to his room, slams the door, and sees Jen.) Jen: Are you okay? Dawson: I don't get it. I have these two adolescent parents that bump like rabbits everyday of their life. You'd think that would be enough. Evidently Dad couldn't keep up and Mom just said 'Hey!' Jen: Don't Dawson. These things have very little to do with sex. Dawson: Is the proposition of monogamy such a Jurassic notion? I mean, is it no longer reasonable to think that two people can be enough for each other their entire lives? Jen: I don't know. Dawson: Maybe it's chemical. Maybe it's some kind of hormonal imbalance that causes one to fornicate with their coworkers. Maybe it's not just Bob. Maybe it includes the whole 6 and 11 action news team. Jen: Your mother is a good woman. Dawson: You defend her, you would it makes sense. Jen: Excuse me? Dawson: You heard me. Jen: Yeah and you better clarify yourself right now before I rip your head off. Dawson: I'm simply remarking, who better to understand a woman's need to have multiple partners? Jen: Being that I've slept with half of New York? Dawson: I didn't say that. Jen: We're not all as perfect as you Dawson. Some of us aren't imaginary characters in a Spielberg film, some of us live in reality. (Jen leaves his room and Dawson sits down. He hears a sneeze come from inside his closet.) Dawson: Don't even tell me. (He opens the closet door and sees Joey.) Joey: Don't mind me. Just passing through. Dawson: I can't escape. What are you doing in there? Joey: Just regressing for a moment. Remember how we used to play in there when we were kids? We'd re-enact the whole third act from Jaws. Dawson: Not now, Joey. Joey: Come on, you'd be Captain Quinn, and I'd be Cooper and Sheriff Brody. We knew all the lines by heart. Dawson: We're not kids anymore Joey. Joey: But wouldn't it be nice? Oh, right, it's up there with sleeping over on the we're too old for this list. I see. Look I know you're still mad at me for lying to you. Even if you won't admit it, there's residue all over your face. Dawson: Look, maybe you better go, Joey. My verbal vomit's out of control today. Joey: I know what you're going through Dawson. You're struggling to find answers. You want to know why she's cheating but it's all perception Dawson. Let me just offer the one ounce of wisdom I can bring to this table. You know instead of asking why your mother's doing all these horrible things, may I suggest that you get down on your knees and thank God that you have a mother! (Joey starts to leave.) Dawson: Joey... Joey: Sorry, Dawson, I forgot for a second. This isn't about me. (Everyone else is still in the living room watching the local news.) Bob: (on TV) Winds are now racing at 50 mph and steadily climbing. Now it's still undetermined whether hurricane Christopher is going to make landfall here and Capeside I can tell you right now... Bodie: I'm just saying, a little fresh rosemary, some ground pepper... Mrs. Ryan: I think I know a little bit more about the culinary art. Bessie: It was just delicious, Mrs. Ryan. Mitch: It's pretty messy out there. I hope Bob watches out for himself. Joey: I wouldn't worry about Bob, Mr. Leery. (Joey and Mrs. Leery are having a conversation.) Mrs. Leery: I guess I, this is really, every sentence that comes to mind ends with the f-word. Joey: Well, don't hold back on my account. I've heard it. Mrs. Leery: I'm an adult, Joey. I'm supposed to set an example. Joey: I'd stick to the f-word if I were you. Mrs. Leery: I've been very selfish. Joey: Seems to run in your family. Mrs. Leery: But I'm ending it. (Tamara's house.) Tamara: It was nice of you guys to stay. Doug: Oh, let me get this. Tamara: I didn't realize... Doug: I got it. Tamara: ...how scared I was. I never expected a hurricane to come this far north. Doug: Well, I'm an officer of the law and it's my job to protect people so Tamara: Well, as long as I'm not keeping you guys from anything. Doug: No. (A crash comes from outside.) Tamara: What was that? Doug: I don't know. I'll be right back. Tamara: Should you go out there? Doug: This is my job, Tammy. (He leaves the room to go check it out.) Tamara: Your brother is very nice. Pacey: He's a closet case. Tamara: What? Pacey: Oh yeah, full-blooded 100% gay man. I mean, he likes to keep it quiet being an officer of the law in a small town. Tamara: Does your dad know? Pacey: Ah, my parents are in denial about this. It's really, it's an ugly situation. Where have you been? (He gets closer to her.) Tamara: I don't think so, not with your badge brother right outside. Quick reminder, this is a felony. Pacey: That's the attraction, isn't it? I've been missing you... Tamara: I've missed you too. (They share a kiss.) Tamara: There. You happy? Pacey: Get over here. Tamara: Oh, no, no, no, no, let go Pacey, I mean it! I mean it! (The table cloth falls off and Doug walks back in.) Doug: It was nothing it was just the --> (Mitch is workingon his model of the aquatic restaurant.) Mitch: Dawson, do you realize that if the Kelp takes off, we'll have a whole chain of Leery family restaurants coast to coast? Dawson: That's great, Dad. Mitch: Something wrong, Dawson? (Gail walks in.) Gail: Something very wrong. Mitch, there's something that we, I mean, there's something that I have to tell you. Dawson: I'll leave you two alone. Gail: No, Dawson. We're family, this falls on all ears. (Dawson closes the door.) Mitch: Honey, what is it? Gail: Wow. Where do I begin? Um, you know that I love what I do. That I always wanted to be a Diane Sawyer or a Barbra Walters. Um, Mitch, it's twenty years later and I am never going to be Diane Sawyer or Barbra Walters. I know that. I mean, I gave up that dream. It's okay. I've accepted it. I mean, I still would like to be a Jenny Jones or a Sally Jesse Raphael... Mitch: What's wrong Gail? Gail: Oh God, I'm digressing. I mean, who watches those shows anyway? I mean, they're all the same. Somebody does somebody wrong and then they go on TV with their IQ of 3 and bitch and moan about it for the whole world to see. And I know this is a judgement but, I have always prided myself on not being that kind of person. You know the kind of person who would wind up on a panel of cheaters and lowlifes... Mitch: Gail. Gail: ... and liars. Mitch: What are you saying? Gail: What I am saying is for the past two months, the past 62 days, everytime that I've come home late, everytime that I have made an excuse to leave this house, everytime that I haven't been with you, I've been with someone else. Another man. Having sex with another man. Now I won't be so insulting as to offer an apology. This is, after all, on the other side of forgiveness. I just thought that you should know, Mitch. Mitch? (A power failure causes the lights to go out.) Mitch: Batteries. I knew I should have gotten more batteries. Dawson! Gail: Mitch.. Mitch: Dawson, take these candles and flashlight into the other room right now. Where is that lantern? I filled it with kerosene this morning and now it is gone. Gail: Mitch, please talk to me. Mitch: I had it in my hands and now it's disappeared. Where is it? Where'd it go? (Gail starts crying.) Don't you cry! You don't get to cry! (Mitch leaves.) Mrs. Ryan: Is everything okay? Gail: Oh, yeah, everything's fine. Um, I think there's more candles upstairs. (Tamara's house.) Doug: You know he's such a clumsy idiot. Tammy, I am really sorry about my brother. We've had to put up with this pinhead imbecile for years now. He's kind of the family airsman. I'm really sorry. Tamara: It's okay, Doug, really it was my fault. I ran into him. I'm the clumsy one. Doug: What do we got here? Tamara: Oh, just some possible riding out the storm entertainment. Doug: Well, have you ever played the "If" game? Tamara: No, how do you do that? Doug: Oh, it's a really good way to get to know each other. I ask you a question like, "If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?" And then you answer and ask me something. Tamara: Okay. Who's first? Pacey: I vote for Monopoly. That game has a point. Doug: It's just a really good way to get to know each other, that's all. Okay, let's see, ummm, if you had to pick one city that you had to live in for the rest of your life, what would it be? Tamara: Easy, New York. My home town. No other place like it. Doug: So why'd you move? Tamara: Uh, well, because I needed a change. I have a dysfunctional ex-husband and New York wasn't big enough for the two of us. Doug: Well, I tell ya, if I was your ex-husband, I'd be full of regret right about now. Pacey: Okay, my turn. Dougie, if you could star in any Broadway musical, which one would you choose? Doug: Easy, Tony, West Side Story. Tamara: I love that. Doug: Yeah? Tamara: "Somewhere" is my favorite. Doug: Mine too. Tamara: I must have watched that movie 10 times when I was a kid. Doug: 10 times? Try 15. (The Leery's loving room.) Bodie: A million babies are circumsized every year. Bessie: It's a human rights issue. It's a harsh and barbaric example of child abuse. Bodie: We don't even know if it's going to be a girl or boy. Mrs. Ryan: Or black or white. Bodie: Heh, she's off and running. Bessie: Don't. Mrs. Ryan: It's not a judgement, Bodie, just an observation. Bodie: Which do you object to more Mrs. Ryan? The fact that I'm black and she's white or that we're unmarried and about to have a child in sin? Mrs. Ryan: What I object to most, Bodie, is when children raise children. Get ready, Bodie. That child will be identified as different. Bessie: Part black, part white, it doesn't matter, Mrs. Ryan. This child will be 100% loved. (Jen walks over to Joey on the porch.) Joey: What are you doing out here? You know, it's pretty cold. Jen: It's pretty cold in there, too, and I needed a little break. So what are you doing out here? Joey: Just watching Mr. Leery. Jen: Mmm. Guess it really ht the fan today. Joey: Where's Dawson? Jen: Don't know, don't care, I'm taking a break. Joey: You know, it's just an ego thing. I mean, "How could there possibly have been anyone before me, you know, how can I measure up?" Jen: Is he really that trite? Joey: I'm sure there's a measuring tape sitting in his bathroom right now. Jen: What do you think it's marked up at? Joey: What do you mean? Jen: Oh come on, do you think Dawson's got a pstol or a rfle? Joey: How would I know? Jen: Oh, come on. Joey: Dawson was wrong to spew his anger on his mom onto you. Jen: So you heard. Joey: Involuntary eavesdropping. Jen: Well, I guess I'm no longer the virgin queen of Dawson Leery's handheld fantasies. Joey: Yeah, I think Dawson's having a life-defining turning point in his life right now. Jen: Aren't we all? Joey: You know, taking into consideration his height, weight, feet and hand size, I'd say he's slightly above average. Jen: Oh, so you have thought about it. (They laugh.) (Dawson is pickingup the pieces of Mitch's model when Mrs. Ryan comes in.) Mrs. Ryan: Can I help you with that? Dawson: No, I'm fine, thanks. Mrs. Ryan: Mr. Ryan used to say, "If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with a lot of rain." Dawson: So you know, too? Mrs. Ryan: I used to be a big fan of motion pictures. Frank Capra, "It's a Wonderful Life", "Mr. Smith Goes to Washinton", "Pocket Full of Miracles." Simple desires fulfilled, aspirations realized. Dawson: Fears of abandonment turned into fantasy spectacles of security and joy. Frank Capra and Steven Spielberg were often compared for their thematic content. Mrs. Ryan: What I like most about those movies is the fact that no matter how far off the pedestal the character fell they always got a second chance. Forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts the Lord has given us with it comes understanding. Dawson: Same way rain brings a rainbow. Mrs. Ryan: From what I've seen of you so far, you better buy yourself a good umbrella. (Tamara's house.) Pacey: St. Charles Place with a hotel. $750. Doug: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pacey: Ha, ha! Doug: Oh, so now what about Gypsy? Tamara: Oh, I love that. Did you see the Bette Midler TV version? Doug: I know she was great. You know, I still love Ethel Murman. Tamara: Yeah...Chorus Line! Doug: (singing) Kiss today goodbye Tamara: (sings too) The sweetness and the sorrow. Pacey: It's your turn. Tamara: Oh! Doug: Listen, Tamara, would you like to go out with me sometime? You know, maybe catch a movie. The Rialto has got this whole oldies classics thing on Wednesday night. They play a lot of the old MGM musicals, it's really great. Tamara: Sure. I'd love to. Doug: Yeah? Great, okay. We'll make a whole night of it. Nice romantic dinner, leave baby brother here at home, just give us a chance to, I don't know, get to know each other a little more intimently. You know, make it a real date. Tamara: Well, not really a real date. Doug: Why not? Tamara: Well, you know, because I know. Doug: It's not because I'm too young, is it? I mean, please, don't pull the age thing on me. I'm 24 soon to be 25. Tamara: No, it's not that at all, it's just that I know that you're gay. Doug: What? Did you tell her I'm gay? Tamara: No, I guessed it. When I lived in New York I lived on Christopher Street, I have good gay-dar. Doug: You told her, didn't you? Tell her I'm not gay. Pacey: She has gay-dar! Doug: Tamara, I am not gay. Tamara: It's okay to be gay. Pacey: That's exactly what I've been trying to tell him, Tamara. (Dougs pulls a goun on Pacey.) Doug: Alright, you tell her, right now, that I am not gay. Tamara: Guys, guys, hey! Pacey: It's okay Tamara. He does this kind of stuff all the time. Doug: Tell her, right now. Pacey: Okay, alright. He's not gay. Doug: Alright then. So who's turn is it? (Mitch is sitting in the 4-wheel-drive. Gail opens the door and gets in.) Mitch: It's Bob, isn't it? The first time I saw you, it on the pier at the marina and you were with that girlfriend of yours, that woman who would never shut up. Talk, talk, talk all the time. I can't remember her name. It was one of those soap opera names, you know like, I don't know, like, Lexus, or Dorian. Gail: Phoebe. Mitch: Ah, Phoebe. And from the minute Phoebe introduced us, I knew that I loved you. I mean, it was that quick, you know, because love comes that quick. It's like a decision. Love is a decision that you make and I made it, right there on the spot. What I need for you to know is that our love came quick and it's lasted. It's weathered the storm. But as quickly as I made that decision 20 years ago to love you, I'm taking it back. I don't want to love you anymore. I choose to hate you now. Gail: No, Mitch, don't. Mitch: It's already done just like that. So I suggest that you get out of the car before I physically remove you from it. (Gail gets out, crying, and he drives off.) (The hurrican is over. Cut to Tamara's house.) Tamara: Once again, thank you very much. It's been a very interesting day. Pacey: Oh, anytime. Doug: Sorry about the gn thing. Tamara: Hey... Doug: I'd still like to take you out. Tamara: You know, I have to be honest with you, Doug, I'm seeing someone right now. (Pacey smiles.) Doug: Well, fair enough, let's go squirt. Pacey: Sure, Deputy Doug. (Dawson and Jen are talking in the hallway.) Jen: I'm leaving, Dawson, um, but before I go there's-- Dawson: But Jen I'm-- Jen: No, no, hear me out, Dawson, please. Okay? Because this seems to be the day of truths, and I'm taking my turn. I lost my virginity when I was 12 to some older guy who got me drunk, I don't really remember his name but after the first pregnancy scare I went on the pill, and I used condoms most of the time, some of the times, I don't know, it's kind of blurry. I was really drinking a lot and having blackouts and stuff, um. I was sexualized way too young, and I don't wish that on anybody. I mean, sex at such a young age, more often than not, is a bad idea. I finally got caught having sex in my parents' bed. Daddy's little girl fornicating right before his very eyes. He still can't look me in the face but then again he shipped me 200 miles away so he wouldn't have to, but Dawson I'm not that girl anymore. I never really was, and I'm not that white-as-snow image you've got either, I'm somewhere in between and I'm just, I'm just trying to figure it out. Dawson: Jen. It's not you. It's my own stupid hang ups. My parents have this raging sex life and I just, I secretly used it as their measure of happiness. Jen: Well, sex doesn't equal happiness. Dawson: Yeah, I know. I know that now. Jen: I'm sorry about lying to you, but I can't apoligoze for my past. I mean, I've learned from it, I'm a better person, it's gotten me here. And this is my chance to start over. It's my chance and it would be really nice if you'd be a part of that. Dawson: On one condition? Jen: What? Dawson: That you'll have me. Jen, because my behavior has been unredeemable and I don't deserve someone as impassionate and open and honest and beautiful as you are. (they hug each other.) Dawson: Take 2? Jen: Mmmhmm. (Tamara's house.) Tamara: What are you doing? Where's your brother? Pacey: Ah, I circled back. Tamara: It's late, Pacey. Pacey: I just have one more "if" question. I got it, I got it. If you could do any one thing in your life again, what would it be? Tamara: Well I wouldn't have married an abusive, fat stock broker. Same question, back at you. Pacey: Well, I'd be older, so I could tell the world about this wonderful woman who I am rapidly falling in love with. Did you really think that it was going to make me jealous by flirting with Deputy Doug? Tamara: Flirting? I don't flirt. Pacey: Because if you did, it's succeedingly unnecessary. I'm already jealous of every guy who's ever been in your field of vision, who's known the smell of your hair, who's held your body against his. Tamara: We're getting sloppy, Pacey. You know we're going to have to end this. It's getting too dangerous. Pacey: Tell me that isn't a turn on. Tamara: Oh, Pacey. Pacey: Wait, just one more question. If you could do any one thing right now, what would it be? (She pulls him into her house.) (Mitch drives back to the house. He sees Gail sitting in the rocking chair on the porch, dazed. He goes and sits on the porch.) Mitch: So why'd you do it? Gail: Get ready Mitch, because if you think it can't get worse, it can. My reason is proposterous. I have no reason. No. I woke up one day, Mitch, and I realized, my life was perfect. Everything I'd ever wanted from the time I was 6 had been realized. I discovered perfection obtained is a discomforting state. And I got restless. What do you do when everything is right? When everything is just the way you've always wanted it to be? I have the perfect home, a career, the most gifted child, a husband who stimulates me mind, body, and soul everyday of my life. I want for nothing. And I guess that left me feeling empty not wanting. And I just wanted to want again. So, I set out to achieve it, and boy did I succeed. Because what I want now, I want back everything that I've lost. Mitch, I'm so sorry. Mitch: Shhh. Let's just sit here, alright? I don't want to talk anymore. Gail: Okay. (Dawson goes into the room and finds Joey sitting by the window.) Dawson: I was hoping you'd still be here. Joey, I owe you an apology. I have been thoughtless and insensitive and self-obsessed to the extreme. But if you give me a chance to rectify my belligerent ways I promise I will make every effort to be friendworthy of you. Joey: Well that was a mouthful. I'm sorry for using the mother card. I keep it in my back pocket and it's way too easy. Dawson: Jo, I don't know what I would do if I lost my mother. Joey: It hurts, Dawson. I mean, you're born and you die and you make a lot of mistakes in between, you know? Funny thing is, you know? Now that she's gone, I, I can't seem to remember a single mistake. Dawson: What can I do for you, Joey? I want to be a good friend, what can I do? Joey: Well, just for tonight, can we put our rapid ascend to adulthood on hold, please? Dawson: Come on. (They go into the closet and close the door. The camera shows the door but we only here voices.) Dawson: Sheriff Brody, that's a 20 footer! Quiet, I think he's come back for his noon feeding. Joey: Gotta get a sh*t at this orca's head. Dawson: Smile you son of a bitch! (We hear laughter.) Joey: We're gonna need a bigger boat.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x04 - Blown Away"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 105 Look Who's Talking Original Airdate: February 24, 1998 In this episode: The miracle of life surprises everyone, as Bessie and Bodie's baby decides to make an early entrance. Finding her very pregnant sister on the side of the road, a panicked Joey transports her to Dawson's house to wait for an ambulance. A bad traffic accident and limited resources delay the ambulance, and it becomes very clear that Bessie is going to give birth on Dawson's living room floor. Desperate, Joey enlists Jen's grandmother, a registered nurse who disapproves of the interracial couple's decision to have a baby, much less one out of wedlock, to help with the birthing. Meanwhile, Pacey's affair with Miss Jacobs is leaked to the high school rumor mill, with news of the scandal traveling all the way to the school board. In an uncharacteristically mature move, Pacey gallantly saves Miss Jacobs' job and reputation, only to be given a heart-breaking blow. [Open Dawson's bedroom----Dawson is laying in bed, watching a movie---Its ends, Dawson clicks off the TV/VCR... Pan left to Joey sitting on Dawson's bed also.] Joey: All Right. Great movie. Thanks a lot. I gotta go. Dawson: Yo Jo, slow down. What's the rush? Joey: Hate to cut the festivities short but Bessie is due next week and she needs extra help around the house. Dawson: Come on, Joe. Bodie can take care of anything Bessie needs. Plus, You can't leave now we've only watched one movie. We've never watched just one movie on movie night. Joey: Well a first time for everything. (Cut to Jen sitting on a chair.... to your suprise.) Jen: A night of first's all around. Joey: And, What are you talking about? Jen: Look, I'm talking about the obvious, which I know we've all tried our best to ignore. But it's easy to see that I have intruded on a very personal ritual here, And clearly, my presence is making you uncomfortable. So, I'll tell you what, Joey. You stay and watch another movie. I'll just go. Dawson: No, wait Jen. You don't have to do that. Jen: No, Its ok. I mean, you and I have decided to slow things down. So, I am sure that a few hours apart won't kll us. Besides, Grams has kinda been on the wr path, meaning, once she see's Joey leave, there is no way she is going to trust you and I alone. So, so I should just go. Joey: Well don't leave on my account. I mean, I'm not interested in ruining anyone's evening. Jen: No, no. Its not you at all. Don't, don't take it personally. Dawson: Great. Settled. Next issue. What to watch next.....(He is interrupted by Jen) Jen: Ok this is no solution,Joey. If we both stay we're going to be stuck in the same uncomfortable position we've been in all night. Dawson: All right. So let me get this straight. Movie night has been reduced to the following: (Dawson's talking to Jen) You can't stay if she leaves because your grandmother wouldn't permit it. And you can't stay if she stays because its awkward. Jen: Yeah. Dawson: (To Joey) And you can't stay if she leaves because you feel like you have driven her away. And you can't stay if she's here because it ruins movie night for you. Joey: Well put. Dawson: Well since this is my house. And we assume that I can't go anywhere. According to my calculation that only leaves one option. Joey and Jen: Night Dawson. Dawson: Wait a minute. (Joey says this as she begins to climb out the window) Joey: I'll see you tomorrow. (Jen says this as she walks out of Dawson's room) Jen: Don't stay up too late. (Dawson's alone now....He lays back on his bed and looks at the TV) Dawson: Movie night........... way too complicated. (Theme song plays .... Beginning credits.) < Open to scenes throughout the town .... then cut to Potter kitchen. > Bodie: Goodmorning sweetheart. And How are we feeling this morning? Bessie: Well, If your nauseous and swollen and irritable also. I'd say we're feeling exactly the same way. Bodie: Look at the bright side. Your due date's the 22nd. In less than a week this will all be over. Bessie: A week?! This can not last another week. It's inhumane. I don't sleep anymore, My legs are fat, My back is klling me, I feel like retching 23 hours a day....Did you know the average justation period for the fruit bat is 2 months..... 2 months, thats fair, thats reasonable. Why can't I give birth to a fruit bat. (Joey walks in for breakfast.) Joey: Because we're about 80% sure you're human. Bessie: Do you still live here? Joey: Unfortunately. (To Bodie:) When's your interview? Bodie: Today. After work. That new French restarant over in Hyannis. Bessie: You know, If you don't like it here, Joey. No one's stopping you from moving out. Fact, In most states you'd be considered an adult. Joey: Aw, that's funny. Cause you wouldn't. Bessie: Bodie.... Bodie: Come on Joey. Your sister isn't feeling very well today how about taking it easy on her, Ok. (Bodie chats with Joey aside) Look, I know the matriarch's been a handful, lately. But she's due next week, once the baby comes, I promise she'll be back to her old self again. Joey: But thats what I'm afraid of. (Cut to Jen's room... Grams is cleaning her room and picking up clothes. When she see's a calendar that Jen has put and and says....) Grams: What, in heavens name is this? Jen: Its a calendar Grams. Grams: It's a filthy calendar. Jen: No, It's an art calendar and before you get apopletic (don't have a stroke) on me. These photographs happen to be hanging in the world's finest art galleries. Grams: I don't care whose hanging them. In my house we don't ogle naked men. Jen: No, We pray to 'em', right. Grams: Oh! Don't you dare compare the two! Oh my lord, Jennifer. What has happened to you? To the little girl I used to know, Who I took to Sunday school, When she would come visit me each summer and Who once had respect for the church and it's teaching. Jen: Well she's carefully considered all possible scenarios, detailing a god-like source. And she has found them unconvincing. And ,while she respects those who chose to believe in a higher being, she herself does not. Simply put Grams, she grew up. Grams: Perhaps.... Perhaps she just thinks she did. (Cut to parking lot at Tamara's car) Pacey: I think we should go out this weekend. Just you and me. Tamara: We usually do, Pacey. Pacey: No we don't go out, We stay in. We first invent some school related reason why I need to come over to your place on a friday night and then we lock the doors and close the blinds so that none of the townsfolk could possibly see us together. I know that you are having trouble acknowledging the fact that we have a relationship but you have to admit there is 'somethan goin' on here. Tamara: Yes. There is something. Pacey: Right. So, Ya know what. I think we should start acting like it. Going out in public, together. It'll be great. Like a real couple. Tamara: Pacey thats sweet but It's hardly practical. Pacey: It doesn't have to be in Capeside. We can go, we can go down to Providence. Ok. We'll have dinner. Catch a movie. Nobody there knows us down there. We'll be just like all the rest of the dysfunctional couples out for a good time on a Saturday night. (Tamara laughs) Pacey: So, Whats do you say? Will you go out with me Ms. Jacobs? (cut to boys bathroom.... Dawson and Pacey are using the facilites) Dawson: She said she'd go to Providence with you? Pacey: Well she didn't say yes but she didn't say no either. She just, she gave me that "I really want to, Pacey, but I just can't ", look. The way I got this figured, Once I get my learners permit, this woman is going to cave completely. (Pacey looks in and under the stalls.... but not too well.) Dawson: What are you doing? Pacey: Well, Ya know, You really, ya can't be to careful with this information. Dawson: Ya know, I really feel for ya Pace. Spending all your time trying to get Ms. Jacobs out of the bedroom. Pacey: Listen. This relationship is not all about sex. Ok. I mean, luckily for me some of it is. (The bell rings.) Dawson: Well, hey, I better get going. I wouldn't want your girlfriend to think I'm standing her up. Dawson: Hey, Dude. You gotta be careful too. Pacey: Don't worry. Kid smoking in stall (Kenny Leaverton): (coughing)... Oh..man! (Cut to outside of school. Dawson walks up to Jen.) Dawson: Ok, It wasn't easy, but I think I may have finally found an upside to my parents marital woes. Mitch and Gail are off to a couples therapy this weekend and they have left Leery manner in my sole possession. Jen: ok. Thats nice and everything but... Dawson: Ok. That's nice but I was hoping for something a little more illicit (Illegal) than that. Jen: Ok, Listen. There is this really weird Pacey rumor going around school. Have you heard about this? Dawson: No. What? That he finally handed in a homework assignment in on time? Jen: Not exactly, And its not just about Pacey. It also involves Ms. Jacobs. Dawson: What about them? Jen: Well let's just say that for a student and teacher, They have an exceptionally close relationship. So close, Its considered illegal in about 35 states. Dawson: Um...Maybe we can still nip this in the bud. Who told you? Jen: The question should be who didn't tell me, Dawson. Its out there. Its prevelent. Dawson: We gotta go find Pacey. Jen: Wait, Dawson. Is it true?... Dawson? Dawson: I can never lie to you. I told you that before. Just do me a favor. Pretend you never asked me that question. ( Cut to school hallway ... Dawson is looking for Pacey.... Joey walks up to them and says...) Joey: You guys aren't going to believe what I just heard. Dawson: Somehow, I think I will. (You see Pacey walking down the hall.) Dawson: Hey! (Pacey is stopped by a girl, she whispers something in his ear. He looks at Dawson in shock.) (Cut to a school stock room with Dawson and Pacey) Dawson: Ok. Joey said she heard that Kenny Leaverton was smoking in one of the stalls. Overheard everything. Pacey: Ah well, that figures, ya know my life's been going a little to well something had to go and balance it out. Dawson: What, Pacey. It's not that bad. Pacey: Ya know I really appreciate that effort Dawson but it really is that bad. Ya know what lets be honest it's worse. This is cataclysmic. This is one of those rare mile stone events that separate the first half of your life from everything that follows. Ah, My only consolation is the faint hope that this doesn't reach Tamara. So,ya know , If you would just allow me a moment here for me to symbolically drop my chin into my chest, and let me feel really really sorry for myself. It would be much appreciated. Dawson: Ok, Pacey. Granted, This doesn't look good but this is in your hands, you could control this now. Pacey: Its the wrong time for the Obe-wan moment Dawson. Dawson: No, listen to me. As far as your concerned, the only thing worse than a rumor is a substantiated rumor. If you walk out that dorr hanging you head, doing the whole, whoa is me thing. Its as good as admitting thats its all true. But if you go through thse halls, Like you couldn't care less, Like this is the most rediculous thing you've ever heard. Then, there is a chance that this thing could be dad and buried by 6th period. Pacey: I... I can do that. I can be cool. Casual. A smile, a little wink, and easy stride through the Home Ec. wing, Ya know, like, like nothing happened. Like I got not a care in the world. Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Absolutely. (Pacey walks out of the room smiling and nodding to all those looking at him. Dawson leans up against the wall and watches Pacey as he walks down the hallway. With a major "concerned for his friend" look on his face. Pacey keeps walking and turns at a corner. He is alone now. He leans up against a bulletin board and rubs his forehead in frustration.) (Cut to Tamara's English class) Tamara: Romeo and Juliet offers, perhaps, the most noteable exploration of the forbidden fruit theme that we will examine this year. Boy#1(Twitchel) Not anymore. (Pacey walks in late to class, the class is laughing) Tamara: Mr. Witter, you're late. Boy#2: He's probably resting up from last night. (The class is laughing again) Boy#1(Twitchel): Ok man settle a bet. Real or silcone? Tamara: Keep the running commentay Mr. Twitchel. And I'll see you after class. Boy#1(Twitchel): You promise? (the class laughs again) Tamara: All right. Settle down. Now, where were we? Boy#2: Ahem....... Forbidden fruit. (Cut to pier after school.... Pacey is sitting on a bench by himself. Joey walks up.) Joey: Hey, Jail bait. Pacey: Feel free to keep on walking. I won't think your rude. Joey: Look, dispite first impressions, I'm not here to bust on you. (Pacey exhales deeply) Joey: I don't know if the rumors are true or exaggerated. Or if this is one of your bizarre attempts to appear more attractive to the senior girls. But I just wanted to say I know what you must be going through, and... (Pacey laughs) Pacey: No. I really doubt you know what I'm going through. Joey: Well let me see. People stare at you when you walk down the hall, we've seen that. They whipser behind your back. You suddenly overhear your name in a conversation of strangers. And pretty soon a justifyable paranioa sets in and wether they are are or not , you are convinced that everyone is talking about you. Imagine if you had done something even worse. Pacey: Like what? Joey: Like sharing a house with your pregnant unwed sister and her black boyfriend, while your father serves time on a drug conviction. Imagine that, Pacey. We actually have something in common.... Providing gossip for the small-minded townsfolk. And unfortunately for you. You're ,you're tonights top story. (Pacey sighs) Pacey: Great. So, what do I do now? Joey: Same thing I did....You pray like hell for a better story to come along. (Cut to Jen and Dawson walking home from school.) Jen: Grams' way of dealing with my point of view. Is to pretending that it doesn't exist. Which, of course, infuriates me. Its causes me to speak emotionally rather than rationally, and I become rude and defensive, and I...I give her even more of a reason to dismiss my viewpoints. Its like were locked in this awful viscious cycle. Dawson: Well, I don't know. You gotta do something. You just can't ignore her for three years until you go away to college. Jen: I can't. Oh, There goes plan A. Hmm. There she is, right on schedule. Keeping an ever viligant-eye over my wanton lifestyle. Ok, I'll see you tonight. All right. Dawson: All right. Grams: Dinners at 6:00. I'd like you washed up and at the table then. Please. Jen: Sure. (Cut to outside Potter house, Bessie is in her truck, which is stuck in a ditch. Here come Joey home from school.) Joey: Bessie?......Bessie? Bessie: Joey.....I'm so glad your here. Joey: Well, what happened? Are you ok? Bessie: Oh. Its nothing really. I was on my way to the clinic. I guess I had a little mishap. Joey: The clinic....I didn't know you had an appointment today. Bessie: Oh, no I don't. In fact, my next appointment isn't until my due date on the 22nd. But my huch is i'll have to reschedule. Joey: Why? Bessie: Because I'm fairly certain, I'm in labor. Joey: Oh my god. We have to move the truck or...... Bessie: Joey, It's under control. But I need to call an ambulance. And since our telephone isn't exactly in working order at this very moment. Joey: It's not? Bessie: No............Which means the nearest phone around here belongs to your friend Dawson and I need you to get me there ASAP. Joey: Well, Dawson's house may be the closest but it's not exactly the most convient. I mean..... there's really only..... one way to get there from here. (Cut to the creek..... Joey is rowing Bessie and her across to Dawson's house) Joey: Don't worry Bessie. I'll get us there. Bessie: At the rate your going Joey, The two of us is going to be the three of us. Come on. give me those. god ... your rowing like a girl. Ya know , I'm going to start calling you Josephine. ( Bessie starts breathing hard.) Bessie: I thought you were supposed to be some expert oarsman. Joey: Yeah and I thought you were supposed to give birth next week in a hospital.....Oh my god, Bessie the boats leaking. Bessie: Thats not the boat, Joey. Joey: Then, what is it? (Bessie is breathing heavy.) Dawson: All right. He's not. Ok, well then can you have Pacey call me when he gets back. Joey: Dawson? Dawson: Thank you. Joey.....Hey I'm kinda worried about Pacey. I can't seem to find him. Joey: No time to talk Dawson. My sister is having her baby. Dawson: Cool.... Congratulations. Joey: On your lawn. Dawson: What?! (cut to Leery living room... Dawson is on the phone.) Dawson: Ok...Yeah sure but I... I understand. Yeah. Please. I'll hold. Bessie: What are they saying? Dawson: Well the good news is the ambulance is on its way. The bad news is its stopping in Duxsbury first. Bessie: Duxsbury. Thats an hour away. Dawson: Traffic accident. Major Pile-up. Childbirth is not a high priority today. But they are getting me an ETA in a second. Bessie: One hospital. With one ambulance and no doctor within 30 miles. Another of the hidden joys of living in the middle of no where. Dawson: Yes. I'm still here. How long? Bessie: Did you reach, Bodie? Where's Bodie? Joey: No, I called the Ice House and they said me caught the bus for Hyannis already. Dawson: Ok, They're going to get the ambulance here as soon as they can. But they just can't make an guarantees, thats all. (Bessie grabs the phone.) Bessie: Listen, you sorry ass civil servant. This is the mother-to-be talking. Maybe I'm not in the tax bracket that guaratees a prompt response to medical distress, but I have a shoe full of amniotic fluid, my pelvis is beating like a rumba band, and I'm in real danger of having my first born child delivered by two high school students. So, why don't you stop making excuses, get off your oversized backside and get us an ambulance before my fetus enters college..(Click... Bessie hangs up) Oh... Joey: Terrific. I'm sure they will be right on their way. (Cut to Tamara's house... Pacey is sitting out on the deck. Tamara walks up the side of the deck to see Pacey waiting for her.) Tamara: Lets not have this conversation, Pacey. Pacey: What conversation? Tamara: The one where you apologize to me and tend to my wounded heart. All the while explaining why your not to blame for opening up your big mouth. Pacey: I'm not..I only told Dawson. I didn't know Kenny Leaverton was in the bathroom. Tamara: Ya know, There was one boundry placed on this relationship, Pacey. Not sex. Not true Intimacy. Only one: You don't talk about it. You don't tell your friends. And you don't brag to your classmates. Although, now I wonder if disgression is just to adult a concept for a boy to grasp. Pacey: Hey listen. I... I just ..I wan...I want you to hear my side of the story. Ok. It's not what you think. Tamara: You can't tell me anything I haven't heard in the teachers lounge. Oh, Yes. Thats right. See, We are already the talk of the faculty. Which means its only a matter of time before the administration gets wind of it. And then the school board and maybe if were really lucky the district attorney. Pacey: T...Tamara. I'm sorry. I...... Tamara: Ya know, this morning. I think you suggested that we should do more of the things that couple should do. Well, I've got one idea that fits the bill. Lets break up. (Pacey sniffles and looks toward the sky.) (Cut to Leery Living room. Bessie is in a chair holding her stomach.) Bessie: Oh...AAAAh...ow..owww ....Oh...Where's the damn ambulance? Dawson: It's coming Bessie. It's coming. Bessie: Oh ... Oh. (Joey grabs Dawson aside.) Joey: All right. Bodie is not an option. What are we going to do? We're not qualified to perform a birthing right here. We haven't even finished high school biology, yet. Dawson: Well, There's gotta be someone in this town who knows what to do in this situation. Right? Bessie: Oh... (softly) (Cut to Jen's room. She opens a drawer and there is a bible in it. She goes down to confront Grams about it.) Jen: What is this? Grams: Standard King James edition. Old and New testament, though, I am partial to the later chapters. Jen: Ya know, what I'm partial to, Grams. I am partial to people who respect my privacy and the right I have to my own beliefs. And, I know that Atheism is about the least desirable trait that any granddaughter of yours could ever possess, But It's nothing you should take personally. And..It's not just God either. Grams, I don't have a whole lotta faith in man these days. (Cut to front door of Ryan house.) (Knocking) (Joey exhales and says this rather fast.) Joey: Look, I know you don't like me or approve of my family. And, I know that you could think of at least 80 reasons, why Bessie and Bodie are about the worst sinners. But right now, as we speak, my sister's sitting next door in Dawson's house, Inches away from giving birth and of those 80 reasons, I can't think of any that the baby's actually responsible for. So, If you could remember, that as a nurse, you took an oath to help others in need and well.... Ah that would be really nice. (Joey turns away from Grams. Grams gives her a half surprised and annoyed look.) (Cut to town... Pacey is walking home and here comes Deputy Doug in his patrol car.) Pacey: Great. (Doug gets out of his patrol car.) Doug: So...Listen to this....I'm over Carlton's gettin a hair cut. When the guy next to me starts talking about a rumor that's making the rounds at the high school about some punk kid sleeping with a teacher. And, So I say to myself, well If it involves sex it couldn't be my brother Pacey. Then the guy says, a word is the kid made it all up, that it's all just a lie. And, so, I say to myself "Bingo." Pacey: Ya know, that..thats really fascinating Dougie. Doug: Ya know, and all I could think of it and it make me sick mind you, was poor sweet Tamara, must be ripping her apart. Come on, Pacey. Why don't you give me a glimpse of the inter-workings here, huh? What.. was the rational... boredom or just a classic cry for attention? Pacey: Well actually no, Ya know what? I thought it was up to me to let the this town know that at least one person in our family was having heterosexual sex. And, ya know, just as a matter of curiosity, Did it ever occur to you, just for a brief moment, to defend or support me in this conversation? (Doug chuckles) Pacey: Or does the Witter family credo prevent such emotions? Doug: Oh that's really heavy Pacey. Ah I'm sure the school board will ah be as moved as I am by that. Oh, you haven't heard. huh.... Well, Its seems your lies have made it all the way up the food chain. Superintendent Steven's is calling an emergency board meeting to discuss whether charges should be laid against Ms. Jacobs. No doubt your presence will be requested. Ya know, its funny isn't it, Pacey. But..aaa...there are actually people in this town who take you seriously. Pacey: Yeah and unfortunately... your not one of them. (Cut to Leery living room.) Dawson: Look, right now Bodie is on his way to a French restaurant on the other side of the county. And the only thing preventing the birth of his first child from becoming a hazy secondhand story is this little device. So, what do you say ? ...For Bodie? (Dawson has his camcorder in his hand) Bessie: All right. But, I want final cut. (Dawson nods.) Dawson: Deal. (In walk Joey and Grams.) Joey: Bessie?.....I've got someone to help you. Bessie: Please, Don't tell me you've done what I think you've done. Dawson: Conflict.. Perfect. Grams: How far apart are the contractions? Bessie: God, Joey? Joey: What? She's a nurse. She can help. Bessie: She's also borderline rcist. Who hates everything about me and my boyfriend and our unborn child. (Jen walks in now.) Jen: Is everything OK? Grams: We're just having an impromptu home birth. Nothing to be concerned about. Bessie: Really. Because, I've got a few concerns. Grams: Girls, move that coffee table out of the way. Pulse is strong. Temperatures fine. OK, girls, we're going to move Bessie over into this chair over here. Gently does it. ..... Easy... Easy...Easy ... that's it...that's it. Bessie: Oh... Oh... Grams: That's it, That's it. Bessie: I'm against this, ya know. Grams: OK, Mr. Demille. (to Dawson) You can do something useful and get us some large towels and washcloths. Please. Dawson: OK. Grams: That's it. Easy... Easy....Easy. That's it. Calm down. Keep breathing. Easy... That's it. Cushions?..... Bessie: Oooh Oooh. Grams: Thank you, Josephine. Joey: It's Joey, actually. Bessie: No, It's Judas, actually. Grams: Ok...Ok..now as far as you, I'm gonna make you a deal. This is going to be a big day for you. And, as your attending nurse, you may feel an overwhelming outpouring of gratitude towards me when we're done here today. But, I promise. I will not take advantage of your post partem bliss and I will resist any urge to bond with you over this shared experience, of this event, if you will do me just one small favor in return. Bessie: What's that? (very cocky) Grams: Shut Up! Grams: Now, where are those towels? (Cut to Capeside Townhall) (Pacey comes up the stairs to see Tamara and someone else sitting there.) Pacey: Tammy... Listen. I'm so sorr... ( interrupted by attorney) Attorney (Caroline F): Mr. Witter? We haven't met. I'm Caroline Fields, Ms. Jacobs attorney. Pacey: Attorney? Attorney (Caroline Fields): Under advice from council, She's chosen not to discuss this case with you at the current time. Pacey: Ca.... What are you talking ? ... This is about.... Tammy... If you could... Attorney (Caroline Fields): Mr. Witter.... If I must again ask you to refrain from communicating directly with my client. In addition, Should you feel the need to speak with her at any future date, you are instructed to contact me. And, I'll pass along any pertinent information. Is that clear? Pacey: Ah, Yeah..Caroline? Attorney (Caroline Fields): Yes, Mr. Witter. Pacey: Would you tell your client, I'm sorry. (Pacey walks away upset. Tamara has a concerned look on her face.) (Cut to Leery house.... Dawson is filming.) Bessie: Ooh ooh aaah Jen: OK. All right. That contraction was exactly 60 seconds apart from the last one. Grams: OK. your completely dilated, Dear..... Time to push now. Bessie: Push what? Grams: The baby, Dear. Bessie: Oh. (Dawson see's the look on Joey's face and walks over and sits down next to her.) Dawson: She's gonna be OK, Joey. Joey: Yeah, I know. (Cut to the school board meeting.) Superintendent Steven's: This session has been convened and the reason we've asked you to come before us this afternoon, Ms. Jacobs, is that we find ourselves faced with a persistent rumor, a disturbing rumor. Which, undoubtedly, you've heard? Tamara: Yes, I've heard it. Superintendent Steven's: Then let me be direct Ms. Jacobs. Pacey Witter is a student of yours, in one of your hm* English classes. Tamara: Yes, he is. Superintendent Steven's: There have been allegations of a sexual relationship between yourself and Mr. Witter. Please forgive my candor, Ms. Jacobs, When I ask, Are these allegations true? Tamara: Well you see...... (Pacey walks and cuts her off.) Pacey: No, no, they're not. Superintendent Steven's: Mr. Witter, You are to wait until your summoned. Pacey: Ah, Look I don't mean any disrespect here. But, If you'll just give me a second, I'll have you all home for dinner. OK? Pacey: Look, I know the origin of these rumors has been traced to me. And Ah I guess that would make sense. Cause Look at me here I am a C+ student, who sits in the back of Ms. Jacobs English class everyday, daydreaming about the same thing. About, what it would be like to be..... a little bit better looking, a little more sophisticated and about 15 years older. Cause, then and only then, could Ms. Jacobs possibly look at me as anything other than just another one of her students. And, only then, could this rumor stand any chance of being true. Ah, I mean, don't get me wrong, I am flattered with the seriousness that you took these allegations, but ya know personally I'd just chalked them up to adolescent fantasy. I kind of expected you guys to do the same. Superintendent Steven's: Correct me if I'm wrong Mr. Witter, but for the record, Are you saying you deny the aforementioned allegations? Pacey: Yeah, for the record, Sir. And, for anywhere else you want to put it. Ms. Jacobs is my English teacher and to my great disappointment absolutely nothing else. (Cut to Leery living room.) Bessie: (screaming in pain) Grams: Yes, Yes....... That's it.... That's it...... Yes, yes Bessie: God! (Joey hears and see's how much pain Bessie is in. She cringes when she hears her scream. She gets out of her chair spins around and stands there watching. Waiting.) Grams: You are doing fine. Jen: Grams.... Grams... I need to talk to you..... There's a lot of blood here. Bessie: What's? .. What's?.... Did she say blood? Grams: Shh..... Just relax, Dear. Bessie: Are you afraid to tell me something wrong? If something's wrong, I want to know about it. Grams: No, don't be silly, Dear. Nothing is at all wrong. Now, what Jennifer doesn't know is that a bloody show is a natural part of the birthing process. The last thing that we could have do is worrying yourself........ Jennifer, a cool washcloth. Now. Bessie: Mrs. Ryan, I am doing OK Right? Dawson: Your doing great Bessie. Everything's great. I...I wouldn't be filming if everything wasn't fine. Right? We're making a movie here. (Joey walks out.) .....Hey, Mrs. Ryan, smile for the camera. (Grams swats at Dawson and his camera.) Grams: Out! You are distracting my patient and I won't have that. Jen: Grams, Grams... There is a problem. Isn't there? Something's wrong with her. Grams: Nothing is at all wrong. And, How dare you alarm my patient, by expressing a contrary opinion in her presence. Jen: Grams, She is losing a lot of blood. I don't know much about this, but I know what a lot of blood looks like.... Grams? Grams: Oh, Yes. All right. There's more blood than I'd like, but I see no evidence of cervical lacerations or detached placenta or or ahh... Jen: In English, Grams. Grams OK, in English, I need your help Jennifer. I need you to set aside your attitude and second guessing and help me get this baby out of her, before, God forbid, she loses anymore blood and complications worsen. Do you think you can do that Jennifer? Do you think you can summons up even the smallest amount of faith in me? Because, if you can I can guarantee there would be no better time for it than right now. Grams: OK Bessie, breath and push remember, breath and push. Bessie: Oooooh Jen: God, Grams she's in pain. Grams She's doing fine, Jennifer. Bessie: No, Mrs. Ryan. I need something. Grams: What do you need, Dear? Jen: A pill, medicine. She.. needs something for the pain. Grams: I don't have any medicine. But, I do have one thing that may work better. Bessie: Please. I'll try anything. Grams: OK. Then repeat after me...... Our Father, Who art in Heaven.... Jen: A sedative. She needs a sedative, Grams, not the Lord's prayer. Bessie: I'm sorry, Mrs. Ryan. That stuffs not going to work on me. Grams: No, Dear. Its for your baby. Grams: Our Father, Who art in Heaven. Bessie: Our Father, Who art in Heaven. Grams: Hallowed be Thy Name... Bessie: Hallowed be Thy Name... Jen: Thy Kingdom come.... Grams: Come on. you heard her. Grams: Thy Kingdom come.... Bessie: Thy Kingdom come.... Grams: Push! (Cut to Leery backyard, facing the creek. Joey is sitting in a chair, looking down at the ground, when Dawson come out of the house.) Dawson: Hey........ I can't wait to see the look on my moms face when I tell her what happened in the living room. (Joey wipes tears from under her eye.) Dawson: Bessie's going to be OK, Joey. As frightening as Mrs. Ryan is in daily life, I think she is incredibly capable when it come to medical emergencies. Joey: I know, Dawson....... FYI. I'm not out here because I'm to worried about Bessie to stay inside. I mean, I'm worried but... Dawson: What is it? Joey: Its nothing...It's OK....It's stupid. Dawson: No, It's not stupid, Joey. Look, I may not always agree with you but your reasons are never stupid. Joey: All right. A question, Dawson. Who does Bessie remind you of? Dawson: That's easy. Your mother. Joey: There are times when the resemblance is merely a passing one, and then......there are others when......Bessie says or does something, and....it's like my Mom never died, You know. .....When she got sick, I mean, she had, she had chemo every month..............It left her in this terrible pain, and I would come home and I would sit with her, and... she let out these cries that I'd never heard before and I .. I prayed...to every available higher source. I would never hear them again from anyone or anything, and...somehow... somebody listened. 'Cause luckily, I never did. Ya know. Dawson: Until today. (Pause) Joey: Yeah. Dawson: Joey, When your mother was in all that pain, Why did you sit by her? Joey: Come on, Dawson. Cause ... she needed me. I mean.. I mean, she didn't tell me that but I knew, I ... I knew she really needed me. Dawson: So, What makes you think that Bessie needs you any less? (Cut to Townhall...Tamara is walking out the door when Doug come up to her.) Doug: Tamara? Tamara: Oh. Hello. Doug: Look I know what you must be feeling towards Pacey right about now, well, what with all the trouble he's caused you. But, Frankly, I'd hate for our whole Witter family to be tarred with the same brush. I'll tell you that boy has been nothing but a bane since he was a child......trouble here....Creating a ruckus, over there. Tamara: Well then, you must be very proud. Doug: Proud. I don't quite follow you, Tamara. Tamara: By the way he's grown up. From an unruly child to a....sweet, sensitive.....intelligent young man. (Doug looks at Tamara with this perplexed look on his face. Tamara turns to walk away then turns back.) Tamara: And Douglas.......Its Ms. Jacobs. (Cut to parking lot. Tamara gets into her car and drives away...all the while Pacey is watching near the school sign.) (Cut to Bessie in the Leery living room again.) Grams: That's it. Push. .. Baby's beginning to crown. Jen: Oh, Oh my God. I can see the head. Grams: That's it. Your almost there just a little bit longer now. That's it, Dear. That's it, Dear. Just one more little push. Its almost over. Bessie: I can't, I'm too tired. Grams: Dear, You can and you will. (Joey walks in. Bessie and Joey look at one another, Joey puts her hand on Bessie's and Bessie holds it......She gives one big push and......) Grams: He's out. Bessie: He?...Is he OK? Grams: Oh, he's better than OK. He's healthy, he's beautiful, and he's all yours. (The baby cries and everyone is happy and smiling.) (Cut to Pacey walking to Tamara's house on the beach. Tamara is sitting on the deck stairs with a drink.) Pacey: Can we talk, or do I need a lawyer present? Tamara: Hi, Pacey. Well, If you've come to apologize again. You needn't. I'm deeply appreciative of what you've done. Pacey: Well... Actually I was kinda hoping I could assume that all that talk about breakin' up was just said in the heat of the moment. Cause, Tamara, that's never gonna happen again. I'm not .. from now on... I'm just not talking to anybody, not Dawson, Not anybody. There's just no chance of that happening again. Tamara: No.. I know. Because I won't let it. Pacey: Ah.. OK. Good. Neither will I. Tamara: Maybe I'm not making myself clear. There will be no further.... gossip because there will be no further subject. I'm leaving Capeside. And, I've already turned in my resignation to Principle Geiger, and I should be at my sisters' house in Rochester by Tomorrow evening. Pacey: Ah...I..You don't waste any time. Do ya? Tamara: Pacey you knew this day was inevitable. Pacey: Oh... I'd think I would have to disagree with you there Ms. Jacobs...Never in a million years would I have predicted Rochester to be a plot point in our little saga. Tamara: I meant us ending was inevitable..... Hey, Maybe you'd graduate. Maybe I'd met someone my own age. God, Maybe you'd met someone your own age. But you knew that there... was a ticking clock inherent to both of us and to everything about us. You must understand, Pacey, I care about you. More deeply than I ever expected or wanted too. But I'm ...36 years old... and I want to have children before it's too late. I mean, I want to be their mother not their girlfriend.... You know, just because I'm older and arguably more mature... Doesn't mean I know what to say in these situations any more than you do. So, Please. Lets just say good-bye now. Before I get maudlin and embarrassing and entirely too truthful. Pacey: Is a farewell kiss permitted? Tamara: Oh ...I don't know, I seem to remember that's what started this whole mess to begin with. Pacey: You know, I... I think I could handle it Tamara. Tamara: Well, I'm not sure I can. (They were holding hands and she pulls away.) Here. (They hug tight and she kisses him on the forehead. They laugh.) Pacey: OK... Well, I hope you enjoy Rochester. Tamara: Yeah, I hope you enjoy high school. (They hold hands again .. Then they part. Pacey looks back at Tamara. He turns and walks away. She half waves, realizing he can't see her, she stops and watches him walk away.) (Cut to the sun setting.... Then to the Ryan house. Grams is In the kitchen doing a crossword puzzle. Jen walks in.) Jen: Goodnight. Grams: Oh, Goodnight, Jennifer. Jen: Long day, huh? Grams: Good day. Jen: Oh...(Softly) Grams: Oh Jennifer (Grams takes off her glasses.)...Just because we don't say certain things to each other doesn't mean we don't feel them. (They smile at each other.) Grams: Jennifer?....After what you've experienced today, Can you honestly tell me you still hold no belief in God? Jen: Ah..Well, I don't know about God. But, Umm, I think I may have come around a little on man. (Grams smiles, puts her glasses back on and returns to her crossword puzzle.) (Cut to Potter Living room. Bessie and Bodie at the baby.) (Joey walks in.) Bessie: Hey, Joey, Come here. (Joey sits down near them and Bessie places the baby in Joey's arms.) He's got mom's eyes. You know? Joey: Yeah, that's the first thing I noticed. (Joey looks at the baby and smiles. She looks at Bessie and Bodie and then to the baby and smiles again.) (Cut to the beach....Pacey is walking near the surf. He is looking at Tamara. She is looking out the window, then she turns out the light and walks away from the window.) Pacey: Bye, Tammy. ( This seems to be a voice over ... might have been Goodnight, Tammy... but I am not sure.) (Pacey turns around and walks a bit.... Only to turn back for one more look. Then he continues down the beach with his hands in his pockets.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x05 - Look Who's Talking"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 106 The Breakfast Club Original Airdate: March 3, 1998 In this episode: Dawson, Pacey, Joey and Jen all wind up spending an 8-hour Saturday in detention at Capeside High under the supervision of Mrs. Tingle, the school librarian. Abby Morgan, a fellow trouble-maker, stirs the pot by initiating a telling game of truth or dare to break up the monotony of the day. Afraid that Jen isn't physically attracted to him, Dawson's insecurity causes him to fight with Pacey. Matters are only complicated by the drawn-out truth or dare kiss between his best friend and his girlfriend. Later, Jen airs her frustration about not being accepted in the small town and frankly questions Joey about the friction between the two of them. While coolly composed most of the time, Joey panics when her intense feelings for Dawson thrat to boil over after she is dared to kiss him. Dawson's room, Joey and Dawson are laying on the bed watching a movie when Dawson flips it off.* Joey: What are you doing? Dawson: I don't get this movie. Joey: Yeah but we've been watching it for an hour and a half, I'd kind of like to see what happens. Dawson: When movies get to unrealistic it depresses me. I get a headache, I can't watch. Joey: Unrealistic? Dawson your favorite movie is E.T. Dawson: So? Joey: A fat-fingered alien who eats Reeses Pieces and rides around on a bicycle? Dawson: But the emotion is realistic. This movie, come on, a girl has to decide between two guys so they drag race? She agrees to go out with whoever has the fastest car. Joey: Well, I hate to break it to you, Dawson, but a fast car can be a real turn on. Dawson: Well, why don't they just arm wrestle. Whoever has the biggest bicep wins. Joey: Well, that would work. Give me the remote. Dawson takes it and puts it out of Joey's reach. Joey: Give it to me. Dawson: I don't want to watch it. Joey: You're asking for it. She gets on top of him and starts playfully fighting him for it. Joey: Come on. Give it to me. You are such a ba-- They stop and have that awkward silence. Joey: You know what? This really upsets you, doesn't it? (I don't know if this line is right.) Dawson: It does? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: Okay, enlighten me. Joey: Because guys are attracted to girls for totally superficial reasons. Dawson uses body language to show that he thinks that is so not true. Joey: Yes they are. They like girls from New York, with blonde hair, pouty lips, bony arms, and big boobs. But it goes both ways Dawson, it goes both ways. Dawson: Jen does not have b-- He starts to say big boobs but he stops himself. Dawson: Bony arms. Joey: You can't stand the idea that if a girl is choosing between two guys she may not choose the doofus who woos her with flowers and cheesy poems, you know? She might just choose the guy with the faster car, bigger biceps, or...bigger joystick. Dawson: Bigger joystick?! Joey: Yes. Dawson: First of all, girls are attracted to romance more than anything. Joey: Joey makes a face like 'yeah right' Keep hope alive there. Dawson: Second of all, I don't compete with other guys. You don't see me and Pacey running around arm wrestling over some girl. Joey: Well, as I said, you don't like to lose. Dawson: What's that supposed to mean? Joey: Well, Pacey has bigger biceps. Dawson: No, he does not! Joey: Are you sure? 'Cause I thought he did. So let me get this straight. If girls are so attracted to the romantic guy, why won't Jen have sex with you? Dawson: Jen wants to have sex with me she just-- Joey: She just hasn't gotten around to it. Dawson: Let's watch the movie Joey. Joey: I thought it was giving you a headache. Dawson stares angrily at the tv and Joey looks at him and rolls her eyes. Dawson looks back at Joey still angry. Dawson's Creek theme CUT TO hallway. Abby drops stuff from her purse and hurredly picks it up. Joey is giving a presentation. Joey: The gn in the Tokogala (there's gonna be a lot of misspelled words so I'm spelling them how they sound) area separated the church from the state. Abby walks in.* Abby: Mr. Douglas my car broke, sorry. I am so sorry. She walks towards her seat. Joey: (continuing) Anyways, the Oko was where the gn kept his harem. It housed 600 women all in service to one man. Grant: What? 600! Joey: Anyway, since the emperor was in Kioto.. Grant raises his hand.* Grant: Did you say that 600 chicks were all in service to 1 dude? Joey: Well, I didn't say chicks but yes. Grant: Do you mean sexual service? Teacher: Shh. Shh. Shh. Grant! Joey: Yes. The gn choose one from 600 concubines. Grant: No way that's intense! Joey: Anyway, as I was saying, since the emperor was in Kioto. Grant raises his hand again.* Grant: Hello. Over here. Joey: You know, I'll take questions after the presentation, Grant. Grant: Right. Now, did these concubines did they have to doink the gn? Or did they say like no dke. Joey: Well it was a great privedeledge to be chosen by the gn. Grant: So the gn was like the school stud. Every chick wanted a piece of him, right? Joey: No they didn't want a piece of him. Grant: Sounds like they did to me. Joey: Well that's because you have a low IQ. Class: Ohhhhh. CUT TO Dawson walking towards the hall and he spots Pacey and Jen talking. Pacey: We called him Oompa Loompa. Jen: Oompa Loompa? What's that? Pacey: You don't know what an Oompa Loompa is? Charlie and the Chocolate Factory? The little green men that used to stir the chocolate? Jen starts laughing. Pacey: I swear. Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hey. Pacey and Jen: Hey. They are both still laughing. Dawson: What's so funny? Pacey: Nothing. Nada. Nin. Dawson: What's so funny? Jen: It's nothing, Dawson. Forget about it. Dawson: Okay. Pacey: Get pumped, man. It's your favorite time of day...gym time! You know, I think we're playing b-ball today. You know, with that hoop up in the air and that ball. Dawson: Right. I know how to play basketball, man. Pacey: Of course you do, sport. Just don't kick the ball and don't ht it with a baseball bat. Jen starts laughing.* Dawson: Okay, funny guy, I'll see you later. In gym. Pacey: Roger dodger. See ya later, Jen. Jen: Bye Pacey. He walks away. Dawson and Jen start walking. Jen: Aw, I have health with Mr. Pickering now. Just another person in Capeside who has some insplicable (right word?) grudge against me. Dawson: You look incredible today. He kisses her on the cheek. Jen: Well, thank you. Dawson: So what were you guys talking about before? Jen: It was nothing, Dawson, really. I don't even remember what it was. Dawson: Okay. Jen: Whew. I'm so glad it's Friday. School is making me so stir-crazy. Let's do something crazy this weekend like river-rafting or jump out of a plane naked. We'll have fun. Dawson: Okay! They kiss. Jen: I'll see you later. Dawson: Bye. She goes into class. CUT TO Boys locker room. Pacey: Did you know that the cheerleaders are doing flips in the gymnasium? How'm I supposed to play ball with a distraction like that? Dawson: Pacey, what were you and Jen talking about earlier? Pacey: Dude, you're fixated. Move on. Dawson: Well you won't tell me so I do believe you were talking trash about me. Pacey: Hey, don't talk trash, recycle it. Dawson: Whatever. Jen already told me what you guys were talking about. Pacey: She did. Dawson: Mm-hm. Pacey: She did? Dawson: Yep. Pacey: Well, I guess that's cool. I mean, Oompa Loompa is not the worst nick name. Dawson: You told her people call me Oompa Loompa?! Pacey: It's not a big deal. Someone was bound to tell her sooner or later. Hey! She thought it was cute. She really did. Dawson, you're not a little Oompa Loompa anymore. You're a big, bad, manly Oompa Loompa. Dawson shoves him. Pacey: Alright. Peace brotha! He gets a kung fu stance then walks away. Tough guy... Dawson slams his locker shut. CUT TO Health class. Teacher: Last night, your assignment was to read an article on the euthanasia. Would anybody like to comment on the article? Jen raises her hand. Teacher: Daniel! Daniel: That doctors are supposed to heal, not to kll. Teacher: Yes. Helping a patient taking his or her own life is completely at odds with the physician's position. Jen: I disagree. Teacher: Ms. Lindley. I don't know how they run classrooms in New York City, but here at Capeside. You raise your hand. Jen: I'm sorry I just thought that this was a discussion. Teacher: You disagree. Jen: Yeah, I do. If a doctor can help someone to die with dignity, I think it's crazy as a society that we put that doctor in jail. Teacher: Die with dignity? Is this a euphemism for mrder and su1c1de? Jen: No. If they're in pain or if it's only a matter of time. I mean, don't you think there comes a point when life is no longer worth living? Teacher: Life is God's most precious gift and it is his decision on when it should end. Jen: Oh, please. Teacher: That's enough! Jen: For someone lying on their death bed, life is not a gift, life's a bitch! I'm sorry I'm just trying to say that if someone-- Teacher: This is not Times Square Ms. Lindley. We don't use that kind of language here. You just bought yourself Saturday detention. Anybody else? CUT TO Lunchroom. Joey: Fishsticks. Grant and another guy budge in front of her in line. Joey: Hey Lumberjack there's a line and it starts back there. Grant: Look who it is? You know I liked your report today, Joey. Got a lot out of it. It was very...stimulating. Joey: Yeah well you were a great help. Grant: I also loved it when you called me stupid. I love it when chicks tease me. It turns me on. Joey: Wooo. This may come as a shock to you but just because you're juiced up on steroids doesn't mean you can barge in line wherever you want you know people have been waiting and it's rude. Grant: Oh, did I butt in front of you? Joey: Yeah, you did. Grant: Oh guys, fellas. God, I feel terrible. But you understand, don't you? It's kind of like your report. Joey: Excuse me? Grant: We're like the gn and this school is like our castle. Whatever we want, we get. Joey: Oh really. Grant: And you can either be my servant or my concubine. What'll it be? Joey punches him and throws her tray and the other guy then kicks Grant again. Grant is laying on the floor in pain.* Joey: Neither. CUT TO Gym. Gym Teacher: ht the showers, men, let's go! Pacey: Hey Dawson, let's play a little one-on-one. Dawson: What? Why? Pacey: Because I'm on a role with the ladies. You don't get any play when you're sitting on the bench. Dawson: Thanks for the sex tips Casanova. I'm hungry, man. I need lunch. Pacey: It's only going to be for a couple points, man, I'll BUY you lunch. Let's not get crazy I'll buy you a fruit cup, alright? Okay, okay, I'll buy you lunch. You go first. They start playing and Pacey makes a basket.* Pacey: He sht, he scores! The crowd goes wild. You know what, Dawson, I'm really kickin your ass. Dawson: If you want to impress the cheerleaders, go sht freethrows or something, I'm outta here. Pacey: Don't leave man. I need you. You make me look good. Dawson: And how do I do that? Pacey: Well, you suck worse than I do. It was a joke, man, I'm kidding. You can still bat me. Miracles happen all the time. Come on Oompa Loompa. Dawson: What did you call me? Pacey: I said, pass me the ball Oompa Loompa, god....he turns to the cheerleaders* Hey Ladies! I really love what you've done with that last cheer. He turns back around and Dawson throws the basketball at his face. Coach: What the hell? Cheerleaders: Oh sh*t. What happened? Coach: What's gotten into you, Dawson? You cool off tomorrow, in all day detention. CUT TO Dawson and Jen walking down the hallway.* Dawson: Neither of us deserve to be here. Jen: Well, I don't, but I kind of think you do. Dawson: I deserve to be here? Jen: Dawson, I mean, you ht Pacey in the face with a basketball. You broke his nose. Dawson: I didn't break his nose. Jen: Pacey's your best friend. Dawson: Ever since he lost his virginity he's been copping this attitude with me. Jen: I thought you had more control over your animal instincts. Dawson: I wish. But sometimes it seems as if they control me, like when I'm around you. Jen: Come on, we don't want to be late. CUT TO the library. Dawson and Jen walk in and see Pacey.* Dawson: What are you doing here? Jen: Oh my God, Pacey, look at you. Dawson: How's your nose? Pacey: Broken thank you. Jen: Oh, God, that must of hurt. She reaches to touch it. Pacey: Oh hey hey! Jen: Oh sorry! Sorry. Oh that really sucks. Pacey: Tell me about it. Jen: So what are you in detention for? Pacey: It's, uh, it's a long story. Dawson: We got 8 hours. Jen: Oh, it's gonna be so much fun. The three of us sitting around doing nothing. It's just like every other Saturday. Voices are heard talking. Pacey: Oh my God, that sounds like Abby Morgan. Jen: Who's Abby Morgan? Pacey: You've never met Abby Morgan? Dawson: The girl is from hell, literally. (I don't know if this phrase is right but hey..) Abby and the Mrs. Tringle walk in. Abby: You're turning me into a juvenile delinquent. Mrs. Tringle: It's about school policy, Abby. Abby: Yeah but I could be outside doing good things for the Capeside community like helping out involids (sp?) and picking up litter. She sees everybody. Oh great. It's howdy doody time. Mrs. Tringle: Sit down, Abby, and think while you're hear in Saturday detention. Abby: But I could do that at home. You could put me under house arrest. I could just sit in my room and think, think, think about what a bad person I am. Mrs. Tringle: Abby...shut up. Hello everyone and welcome to Saturday detention. Detention is not about fun and games. Detention is about pennance. Sit down, Abby. You are all required to stay here in this library until 5:00. While you are here you should be thinking about what you've done to get detention in the first place and what can you do to improve your behavior. Somebody's missing... Joey walks up from behind her. Joey: It's me, I'm here. Dawson: Joey? Joey: Hey everybody. What is this? Some sort of surprise party? Pacey: Oh yeah. Surprise. Break out the pinnata. Joey takes a seat. Mrs. Tringle: Take a seat, you're late. As you know I am the Mrs. Tringle. I have some important work to do in the audio/visual room. If for some reason I have to come out here and discipline you, you will spend the rest of the day shelving books and filing library cards. Now are we down with the program? You are going to be spending the rest of the day together. After 8 hours, you're going to be like family. Abby: 8 hours?! We're going to mrder each other. Mrs. Tringle: Well just don't get any blood on the books. And I mean that. She leaves and Abby pulls out some gum.* Abby: Anybody want some gum? Dawson: Yeah, actually. Joey: Yeah. Abby: Yeah, right. Oh my God Pacey, what did you do to your beak? Get into a car accident while picking your nose? Pacey: No actually. This chump right over here...he threw a basketball at my face. Abby: Well you should be thanking him. It can't look any worse than it did before. Is that why you're in here Dawson? Attempted manslaughter? Dawson nods. Abby: How about you Pacey? Did you get in trouble for damaging school equipment with your face? Dawson: He's not telling. Abby: Oh, must be embarressing. Did you make up another cockamamie story about sleeping with a teacher? Pacey: No. It's none of your business. Abby: Oh, secret's drive me crazy. If you tell us, I'll give you a piece of gum. Oh, you're so cool. Fine. Keep your boring little secret. How about you Jen? What's your crime? Jen: I said bitch in class. It's just Mr. Pickering. He has this whole small-town mentality like a lot of people here do. Joey: Oh, I'm so sorry. It must be so hard for you to put up with us Simpletons. Jen: That's not what I meant. Joey: Must be a real bitch for ya! Abby: Rrrrear! Catfight! Ladies in your corners. How about you Joey? What are you in here for? Not that I'm surprised. I mean, incarceration does seem to run in your family. Joey: Go to hell. Jen: I think you're the bitch Abby. Abby: Okay, Miss Big Apple. If you want to hang with these backwater blacksheep don't let me stop you. Time lapse. Joey: I slugged Grant Bodine. Dawson: You slugged Grant Bodine? Abby: No, is that why he left school early? Joey: Yeah. Abby: Oh, come on. That is moronic even for you. I mean, Grant Bodine is like the king of the school and a total fox. Why did they put me in here with all you violent offenders? Dawson: What did you do Abby? Joey: Yeah. Abby: Don't go there, Dawson. Jen: We told you. Joey: Yeah. Abby: Look, I don't want to blow your mind. Pacey: I think we can handle this one, alright? Abby: I don't think you can, Pinocchio. Pacey: ht me with it. Abby: Okay. Ever been to the boy's locker room? Dawson and Pacey nod.* Abby: Ever heard of a little drug called ecstasy? The group acknowledges they have. Abby: Ever heard of an orgy? Pacey makes the funniest face right here. I crack up when I see it. Abby: That's all I can tell you. Sufficed to say that some people in this school aren't afraid to experience some erotic pleasure. But I don't kiss and tell. That's all I can say. Sorry. Time lapse. Dawson: This is so Breakfast Club. Jen: Breakfast Club? Dawson: Yeah that John Hughes movie where the five kids are stuck in detention all day. Joey: Yeah at first they hate each other and then they become really, really good friends. Jen: Oh yeah that movie stunk. Whatever happened to those actors? Dawson: Anthony Michael Hall developed some weird thyroid condition, Molly Ringwald lost her gauky enjenu appeal, and the rest are laguishing somewhere in tv obscurity. Pacey: No way! Emilio Estevez! He was in those Duck movies, remember? God, those were classics, so funny.... Everybody gives him a look. Pacey: What? timelapse Jen: You know my best friend in New York, her older sister used to babysit Ally Sheedy. Joey: Ohh, you mean you know somebody who knows somebody who knows Ally Sheedy? Abby: Yeah, Jen, you're just so glamorous. Jen: Oh, well, we can't all be like you Abby and have ecstacy gng-bangs on the floor of the locker room. Abby: Mrs. Tringle! Mrs. Tringle! Jen: Oh come on! CUT TO Mrs. Tringle watching TV and then back to Abby.* Mrs. Tringle: What is it? Abby: I do have a bladder and it's about to burst. Can I please be excused to go use the bathroom? CUT TO the group heading towards the rest rooms. Abby: I'm surprised she isn't following us into the stalls. CUT TO Dawson and Pacey in the guy's restroom. CUT TO Abby putting on lipstick in the girl's restroom. Abby: I may be reaching but I think you guy's have some weird sexual tension thing going on. Am I right? The toilets' flush. timelapse - back in library. Abby: I'm so bored. Pacey: Well where's your ecstasy Abby? You and I can just go on down to the boy's locker room and you know. Abby: I don't have any left and if I did I wouldn't waste it on Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer. Pacey: What? You're not going to let Rudolph join in any of your perverted reindeer games? Abby: Hey now there's an idea, games. We could all play a game. Pacey: Really? What do you want to play? Pin the tail on the ho-bag, huh? Abby: We should play truth or dare. Please? I'll be your best friend. Okay, I'll go first. Dawson. You can ask me anything. I'll tell the truth. Dawson: Forget about it, Abby. Abby: Come on, Dawson. Isn't there anything you've ever wanted to ask me? Dawson: Yeah are you really an alien and what planet are you from? Abby: No and Earth. Okay, my turn. Dawson: Wait a minute. Abby: No, that was your question. Dawson: That wasn't a question that was a joke. Abby: Look there are rules to this game and your turn is over now it's my turn. Okay....Pacey! Truth or dare Pacey? Pacey: Alright Abby. Just remember, I'm next. Abby: Oh, I'm so scared, truth or dare Pacey? Pacey: Dare...truth...I don't care. Abby: Okay, truth. Pacey, why are you in detention? Pacey: Well, uh, it's just, uh, I want a dare. Joey: Oh come on Pacey, just tell us. Pacey: Hey. I want a dare. Abby: You are such a wuss. Fine, dare. I dare you to kiss on the lips for 10 seconds...Jen! Dawson: What? Abby: We're waiting. Pacey: This is stupid. Jen: Yeah nobody wants to play this game anyways. Joey: I do. And Pacey said dare, better do what she says. Pacey: Fine. What do I care? They kiss Pacey: Okay, Joey, Miss "you better do what she says". What'll it be truth or dare? Joey: No, you said-- Pacey: Ah-ha-ha-ha. Truth or dare? Joey: Truth. Pacey: Okay. Who do you like? Joey: Who do I like? Pacey: Very simple. Who are you in love with? The truth. Joey: Did I say truth? I meant dare. Abby: You guys are such wimps. Can't any of you handle the truth? Joey: I'll do anything. I'll climb through the ventilation chaps or I'll go flash Mrs. Tringle. Pacey: Okay, perfect. Then in keeping with our kissing theme, Joey I dare you to kiss on the lips for 15 seconds, Dawson Leery. Joey: No. No way. Dawson: Pacey grow up! Abby: No, you have to do it, Joey. Pacey: You did say you'd do anything. Joey: Fine. Dawson, c'mere. Pacey: Go on. Abby: I'll keep the time. They kiss. Abby: 13...14...15. They stop. Abby: So are we having fun yet? Your turn. Earth to dimwit. Come in, dimwit. Joey: Okay, Jen. Truth or dare? Jen: Truth. Joey: Out of all the guys at Capeside, is Dawson the one you're most attracted to? Jen: Is Dawson the one I like the best? Of course. Joey: No, I didn't ask you if he was the one you liked the best I asked if he was the one you're the most attracted to. Jen: What do you mean attracted to? Dawson: She means attracted. Physically attracted. Joey: Is he the guy you're hottest for? I mean, when you look at Dawson do you want to just jump his bones? Or is it that you like his personality the best but in terms of lust you'd rather boink somebody else like Pacey. Jen: No, I like Dawson. Joey: Yeah, but do you lust for him? Jen: That's a stupid question. Dawson: Why is it a stupid question? Pacey: I'm totally okay with this question. Jen: It's stupid because....it's stupid because...the answer is yes, obviously. I lust for Dawson. I'm hot for Dawson. Maybe if you spent less time...forget it. Joey: What? Come on, Jen, tell me, I can handle it. What do you have to say? Jen: Maybe if you spent less time dwelling on me and Dawson you might have a boyfriend of your own. Joey: Oh yeah, wouldn't that just be heaven on earth. To call one of these pigs at Capeside my boyfriend and be some perky cheerleader who gets pumped and dumped by the school jocks. Yeah, have sex with Grant Bodine on the locker room floor. Wouldn't that be great? Abby: Just like a true lesbian (don't know if this phrase is right) Joey: Yeah I wish I was a lesbian. And Jen I'm not dwelling on your relationship with Dawson so just get over yourself. Dawson: Okay, I dare all of us. Pacey: To do what? Dawson: To follow me, it's time for a jail break. They walk out and pass the doorway where Mrs. Tringle is watching soaps. Abby: We're totally gonna get caught. Jen: Nope, we're not. Mrs. Tringle is in there watching Days of Our Lives which means she probably taped a week's worth of episodes which means she has an hour and a half left to go so we should have an hour of freedom. Joey: What exactly are we doing out here anyway? Jen: Well I suggest we play a new game. This one is a friendly, fun for the whole family, adventure called Guess My Butt. Abby: Guess My Butt? CUT TO Pacey sitting on a copier making a copy of his naked butt. Pacey: That felt good. Jen: Okay, Pacey it's time to pull up your pants now. Okay, now it's time to play guess my butt. Abby: They all look the same. Jen: No, if you look closely they have subtle differences. Abby: This one is so perky and petite. It's got to be mine. Jen: And this one has got to be Pacey's! Dawson: How do you know? Jen: I can just tell. Pacey: Duh cause she's checked it out. Dawson: Don't make me ill. Pacey: Oh please, she can't help herself. My butt, really, it's like a magnet, chicks they just can't keep their eyes off. The girls laugh. Dawson: Stop man, you're pathetic. Pacey: You're just jealous? Dawson: Of you? This is Pacey: Dawson, this is so blatant. That's why you threw the basketball at my nose and that's why you've been acting like such a puke. Dawson: Me? I've been acting like a puke? Jen: Dawson, don't get upset. Pacey: Hey, you're just jealous of me. You're jealous of me because I'm a better athlete. You're jealous of me because I've got a better sex life. Dawson: Yeah, Pacey, you're a real Don Juan. Pacey: At least my nickname was never Oompa Loompa. Dawson: The reality of it Pacey is that you're not good at anything. You are a total failure not to mention the laughing stock of the entire school. Jen: Come on guys, stop. Abby: Can't we all just get along? Pacey: You know, I never knew what it did to a man's ego to lose a basketball game. Dawson: I didn't lose that game. Pacey: Do you want a rematch? Dawson: I'll wup you anytime, anywhere. CUT TO gymnasium. Jen: Why are you doing this? Dawson: I'm not going to let him toss his rocks off (?) at my expense. The guy has sex one time and he thinks he's Will Chambers. Jen: That's what it's about? Sex? Dawson: No. But you know it is a little humiliating. I'm the one with the girlfriend and he's giving me sex tips. Jen: Dawson this is stupid, you don't have to do this. Joey and Abby are walking on the bleachers. Joey: Hmm, this should be interesting. Pacey: Alright, Oompa Loompa. This is your moment of truth. Dawson: If I win you have to tell us all why you're in detention. Pacey: Me? Lose this? Come on, stay off the crack, pal. Come on. They start playing. Abby: Pacey you're supposed to get it in the net. My dog plays basketball better than you two. Jen: This is ridiculous. I mean, why do guys feel the need to compete over everything? Abby: Oh yeah, us sisters never compete over anything. Dawson, nice airball. Joey: Don't you think you should go get some pom-pons Jen? Cheer your man on. Jen: Alright Joey, I give up, you win. I keep trying to get you to like me but there's nothing I can do is there? Joey: What do you mean? Whatever. I like you. Jen: Come on, Joey, I'm not a fool. All your little catty comments are not lost on me. I mean, what did I ever do to you? All I've ever done is try to be your friend. Abby: You all can never be friends as long as you keep fighting over the same guy. Joey, it's obvious you're in love with Dawson. Joey: You're wrong. Abby: I saw a kiss that could set the atlantic ocean on fre. Don't tell me I'm wrong about these things. That kiss was intense. Well, I can see you guys have a lot to talk about. I'm parched. I'm going to get some water. Jen: Joey I know this has got to be kind of-- Joey: Look, I don't want to talk about it. With you. Jen: I know. It's okay. I understand. Joey: Why do you have to be like this? Jen: Like what? Joey: So nice. God. It would be so much easier if you were just a total wench, that's all. Jen: Well, I guess I could try to be more of a wench. Joey gives her a look.* CUT TO Abby looking up at a clock. Abby: Guys! We've got to get back to the library right now! Pacey: No way. Dawson makes a basket Dawson: Yes! Pacey: That's not fair! Abby: Guys, seriously, if we don't get our xeroxed butts back to the library in the next two minutes we're doomed! Pacey: Girls, yo, locker room's quicker. They run down the halls and see Mrs. Tringle waiting for them. Pacey: Hey Mrs. Tringle. How's in hangin'? CUT TO library. Mrs. Tringle: Is there any reason why I shouldn't give you all detention next Saturday? Abby: Yes. We were starving. Mrs. Tringle you can't keep us locked up here in this library with no food. I am a member of Amnesty International. Mrs. Tringle: So you went to the gym to what? Eat a basketball? Abby: No. We didn't know what we were doing. We were delirious. Mrs. Tringle: Abby if I hear one more peep out of you... Abby: Mrs.-- Pacey covers her mouth. Mrs. Tringle: These cards need sorting. SHe dumps them out. Mrs. Tringle: You will spend the rest of the afternoon arranging the cards alphabetically. If even one card is out of order you all will spend next Saturday here with me in detention. Are you hip to my lingo? She leaves and Pacey, Jen, Joey, and Dawson start picking up the cards. Dawson: Abby are you going to help or not? Abby: Oh, I can't. I have carpal tunnel syndrome. time lapse. Joey hands Pacey her cards and Pacey takes them to Dawson. Dawson: Ohh. Last one. Jen: Thank God. Mrs. Tringle walks in. Mrs. Tringle: How are those cards coming? Abby: Oh, good. We have them finished Mrs. Tringle. Mrs. Tringle: It's 4:30. You should all be able to go home soon. Abby: Mrs. Tringle. Oh you have such pretty eyes. Have you ever thought about contacts? Mrs. Tringle: Abby, you don't have to flatter me. You've served your time in detention. Hopefully you've learned something. Excessive tardies will not be tolerated here at Capeside. She leaves. Dawson: Excessive tardies? Joey: What happened to the ecstasy Abby? Jen: And the orgy on the floor of the boy's locker room? Pacey: I knew this from the very beginning. I saw through your school slut routine. You're a liar. Abby: Takes one to know one. Pacey: Oh, please. Spare me. You're nothing but a white-bred, country club goody-two-shoes with a bad case of potty mouth. Abby: Oh no. Pacey's onto me. I can never show my face in public again. Big deal. I was just trying to make the day more interesting. The question is why are you in detention? Dawson: Yeah, that was the deal remember? If you lost the game you'd have to tell us why you are in detention. Pacey: That game was a sham. Dawson: A deal's a deal. Jen and Joey: Come on, Pacey. Pacey: You know what? It's just not going to happen okay? Dawson: Can't expect Pacey to 'fess up to anything. Pacey: I am so sick and tired of you copping this attitude with me. Dawson: I want to trust you, Pacey. Pacey: You want to trust me? Like I'm going to steal your girlfriend or something. Dawson: I wouldn't put it past you. You'd do anything for sex. Pacey: That sucks, Dawson. Is that the way you feel about me? Dawson: What am I supposed to think? You kissed my girlfriend! Jen: It was a dare! Pacey: Thank you. Dawson: You guys were totally into it. Jen: Well, I wasn't. No offense. Pacey: None taken. Dawson: That whole Oompa-Loompa thing. Pacey: Oh, for the love of God, Dawson. You've blown that thing way out of proportion. Dawson: Maybe I have, alright? But you don't understand. You don't get it. Those two words, Oompa Loompa. I HATE those words. It's like every insecurity I have about myself exists inside those two words. And when you call me that it's like you're exposing me for not being Mr. Varsity Athlete. For not being sexually experienced. I'm a virgin alright? I'm not some sex stud like you. Pacey: Sex stud? Please tell me you're joking Dawson. Okay, do you want to know why I'm in here? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: You all have to swear that this never leaves this room. Joey: I swear. Jen: Cross my heart. Pacey points at Abby. Abby: I swear. then when pacey turns away she crosses her fingers. Pacey: Okay. Yesterday, after you totally busted up my nose with that basketball, the cheerleaders were being really friendly towards me. Bandaging up my nose, and hugging me and stuff. I got a little excited. Joey: Oh no. Pacey: I went in the bathroom to, uh, relieve the tension. Abby: Oh my God... Pacey: Yeah and the coach came in and wanted to check up on my nose... Abby: He saw a lot more than just your nose, didn't he? Pacey: Yeah, well, needless to say that's why I'm here. Abby: That's the most embarressing story I've ever heard. Pacey: Thanks. So do you think you can stop throwing basketballs at my face now, Dawson? I think it's glaringly obvious that I'm not going to steal your girlfriend. I mean, at least you have a girlfriend. I've got nothing left. Abby: You have your hand. Dawson: You're right. I've been taking my frustrations out on you. I guess I'm just looking for a reason why.... Jen: What? Why what? Dawson: Why you don't want me. Jen: Hey Dawson. I like you. Dawson: Yeah but it's not enough that you like me. I want you to want me. Jen: You're like a God to me Dawson, and I don't even believe in God. I mean, this school hasn't exactly welcomed me with open arms. It seems like everybody here hates me and I don't know why. If it's because I'm from New York, or because I'm different. It seems like my life here is just one big detention that I can't escape, but then, I think about you. And about how I've met a guy who's so romantic, and so caring, and who I like, and who I want so much. Dawson it's because of you that I get through the bad days. And if you think I want you to be some big, varsity sex stud then you're crazy. Dawson: I understand that you want to take things slow, I do. And I don't want to rush you. I don't want to be that guy. But I'm human, I have hormones. And to say that I've never thought about having sex with you, I'd be lying. The thought crosses my mind. About a thousand times a day. Jen: Well just a thousand? That's nothing. Dawson: Pacey, I've been a real jerk. I'm really sorry about your nose, man. Pacey: I'm sorry I called you Oompa Loompa, man. It shouldn't come as much of as surprise. Considering I'm such a screw-up. Dawson: You're not a screw-up. Pacey: Yeah, I am a screw-up and everybody knows it. Abby nods. Pacey: But Dawson, you're my best friend, man. I don't want to screw that up. Joey: You know when did everyone because so obsessed with sex? Now, you too, Dawson. If you're worried that everyone's more experienced than you, you can rest easy because you still have one friend who will probably go to her grave a virgin. Dawson: Joey it's just a matter of time. Joey: Until what? My brain short circuits and I start bedding down with every guy with a fast car and big biceps? Dawson: Before you find the right person. Joey: I have. Dawson: Joey? Joey: I'm sorry Dawson. I don't know what's going on. I have all these feelings. These weird feelings. And I don't know how to say it and I can't say it. I mean, you know everything about me, everything. And I still can't say this. I can't. And I just feel really lonely. Dawson: You're not alone. Joey: Yes I am. Dawson: Jo, I'm here for you now, okay? Nothing you can say is going to change that. Maybe if you just say these things then they'll be out in the open and your feelings won't be as strong anymore. Like you could be free. Joey: I can't. I can't. If I say these things, I can't ever take them back. It'll change everything and I can't do that. I can't. Mrs. Tringle: Well, everyone, congratulations. You've done your time. You can go home now.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x06 - The Breakfast Club"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 107 Escape from New York Original Airdate: March 10, 1998 In this episode: Jen is caught off guard when her old boyfriend Billy from New York pays a visit to Capeside to try to rekindle the relationship that abruptly ended when she left the city. Jen ditches school to spend the day with Billy, sending Dawson into a mire of insecurity about their relationship. Clearly conflicted, she tells Billy it's over, but the underlying passion in a good-bye kiss convinces him otherwise. Meanwhile, Pacey presses Joey about her feelings for Dawson. While she continues to deny her attraction, her actions make her true feelings perfectly clear to everyone but Dawson. (We see the Leery's house and hear Dawson's voice.) Dawson: Boring. Nah. (He is laying on his bed flipping through channels. He turns to Wheel of Fortune.) Dawson: Wouldn't watch it if you paid me. (He flips through a bunch of other shows) Dawson: Rerun, homeshopping, Spanish, Japanese, Lebonese? (Dawson turns the channel to a show that is blurry.) Dawson: Adult Movie Channel scrambled. (Dawson tilts his head to watch for a few seconds, then turns to "Meet John Doe.") Dawson: No. American Movie Classics it is. (He sees Joey climb into the window.) Dawson: Hey Jo. Joey: Hey. Remember that guy who went on the klling spree and was found innocent after claiming sleep deprivation? (Joey sits down.) Dawson: Yeah, he went postal. Took out like half of that fast food restaurant. Joey: Well, I think I need to call his lawyer. Dawson: (laughing) Let me guess, Bessie and Bodie's new addition's appointed for the night? Joey: I swear to God, Dawson, my sister gave birth to Rosemary's baby. I mean, I haven't slept for days and my GPA is taking a nosedive and ummm, last week I got caught in a pool of drool in European History. Dawson: Ewww, that's pretty. (Dawson gestures to the bed.) Dawson: Ah, crash here. Joey: You sure? Dawson: Yeah. No drooling now! (Joey gets up and walks over, and sees what Dawson's watching.) Joey: Dawson, are you still in this old movie classics kick? Don't you think it's time you take a stroll down New Releases lane? (Joey sits down on the bed.) Dawson: I've seen everything in the video store twice. Trust me, there's nothing on the tube. Joey: Dawson, your goober's kind of a snoozer. (Joey lays down on the bed and gets comfy.) Dawson: Exactly. See, in the 40's, you could be a well-intentional geek and still end up with the girl. I mean, whatever happened to the standard Gary Cooper types, you know. Likeable but not too self involved, smart without being arrogant. I mean, come on, what happened to that guy? (Dawson looks over at Joey and sees that she is asleep.) Dawson: That's what I thought. (Dawson lays down and continues watching the movie.) (Gail and Mitch are making breakfast in the kitchen.) Gail: So, big meeting with the investors this morning? (Gail pours herself a glass of OJ.) Mitch: Uh huh. You're interviewing the police commissioner right? Gail: At ten. You look great. Mitch: (looking over at her) So do you. Gail: Thanks Mitch: You are welcome. (They run into each other on their way to the breakfast table.) Gail: Sorry Mitch: It's okay. Gail: Dr. Keenan's at three? Mitch: Right. Gail: He says we're making progress. Mitch: Yep, he does. (Mitch takes a sip of his coffee and sees Dawson come out of his room.) Mitch: Dawson. Gail: Ah, Dawson, honey, have some breakfast. Mitch: Take a load off. Dawson: Actually I can't. I'm running a little late this morning. Mitch: How's school going? Dawson: Fine, great. I gotta go. (Dawson leaves the kitchen, but stops to listen to his parents.) Gail: So.. big meeting with the investors today. Mitch: Same one as two and a half minutes ago. (Pacey is sitting on a bench that overlooks the creek. He talks to an older man sitting next to him.) Pacey: You know, this town is the absolute embodiment of dull. Apart from the occasional sex scandal provided by yours truly, nothing happens here. (Pacey gets up, sees a soda can and starts kicking it.) Pacey: Ah, man, I swear one day this town is just going to shut down completely due to lack of interest. (Pacey starts to cross the street when a car flies by. He jumps out of the way just in time so that he didn't get ht.) Pacey: (shouting) Hey! Watch it, man. (The car backs up to Pacey.) Billy: Listen, maybe you can help me out? Pacey: With what? Driving lessons? Billy: No, but that's that's really cute. I'm looking for the high school. Pacey: Capeside High? Billy: Yeah. You going to help me out or do I have to ask Captain Ahab over there? (The guy points to the man who is still sitting on the bench.) Pacey: Yeah, yeah ,yeah. Oh sorry, alright, so you want to take this road about another mile, take a left on Glenn Street, then ah, you know you're probably going to have to write this down, sport. (The guy points to his head) Billy: Total recall. Pacey: (laughing) So you get to that first stop sign after Glenn Street and take a left. The high school is right there, you can't miss it. You know what? I'm headed in that direction right now. So if you want to give me a ride, I'd be happy to navigate you. Billy: And ride with such a reckless driver? C'mon, does that sound smart to you? (He drives away leaving Pacey.) (Joey's house. She is pounding on the bathroom door.) Joey: Bodie, I need to dry my hair. (Joey looks at Alexander and then at her dresser.) Joey: You know, this is 'my' dresser. Bessie: Well, I'm going to be late for work. (Bessie looks over at Joey.) Bessie: You look like hell. Joey: Yeah, well, the human alarm clock kept me up all night. I overslept and I didn't even have time to cram for my Spanish test. Bessie: Look, I know things have been crazy around here since Alexander was born but it's the first time for Bodie and I and the learning curve has been a little steep. But I promise, things will settle down around here just as soon as we get through this adjustment period. Joey: Yeah, when will that be? Bessie: Two...three years, max. Joey: (sarcastically) Wonderful. (Joey leaves for school.) (Capeside High. Joey and Dawson are sitting on some steps. Dawson is testing Joey for her test.) Joey: Mi hermano de la micar. Dawson: Si, si. Joey: Thanks, Dawson. I really appreciate this. Dawson: Not a problem. I just wish they would teach some more useful Spanish phrases. Joey: So, where's girlfriend this morning? Dawson: Don't know. Haven't seen her. Pay attention. My uncle's bicycle is from Mexico. Joey: Ahh, La bicicleta es mi tio es de Mexico. Dawson: That's it. You're brilliant. Joey: It was just that, you know, you haven't said much lately. Things between you and Jen okay? Everything going smoothly? Dawson: Great. (pauses) I mean, I admit, it got rough there for a little while but yeah, things are going great. Joey: Good, that's really good. The bell rings.) Dawson: Bueno. (Joey and Dawson get up and see Jen.) Joey: Bueno. Alright, bueno. Jen: (to Dawson) Hey, what's up with you? Dawson: Hey, how are you? (Dawson leans over and gives her a kiss.) Jen: Mmm, good. Dawson: (grabs her hand) Come on. Jen: You know, I like your vest. Dawson: Thank you. (to Joey) Here's your book. Good luck, okay? (to Jen) I assume we're still on for bowling tonight? Jen: Absolutely. Can't wait. Joey: I'll see you, guys. Dawson: Bye Joey. (to Jen) So, can I walk you to math? (Jen sees that guy, who turns out to be her ex, Billy, leaning on some lockers.) Jen: Oh, acutally, oh damn, I forgot. Can I catch up with you later,Dawson? Dawson: Yeah. Jen: Yeah, I'll see you in class, okay? Dawson: Okay. Jen: Okay. Dawson: Alright. (Dawson leaves her but watches Jen walk up to Bily.) Jen: Billy, what the hell are you doing here? Billy: Is that how you greet the love of your love? Jen: Look, I'm sorry. Uh, hello, Billy, please leave. (Billy leans over to kiss her.) Jen: No! Billy: Jenny, I drove all night just to see you. Jen: New York is only four hours from here. Billy: I got lost? Jen: Billy, do you have any idea what my grandmother would do if she found out you were here? I mean, the whole reason I was sent to Capeside was to get away from you, Billy. Things have changed, okay? Believe it or not, I've changed. I'm not the same person that you knew in New York. Billy: Alright. then tell me about it. Look, go for a ride with me and you can fill me in on all the advances. Huh? Come on, two minutes. Is that too much to ask? Jen: Alright Billy, but I'm keeping time. (They leave.) (Cliff taps Dawson on the shoulder from behind.) Cliff: Dawson? Dawson:(turns around) Uh, hi. Cliff: Hey, look, I'm looking for Jen. You don't know where she is this period do you? Dawson: No, I don't. Sorry. Cliff: Well, give her a message, will you? Tell her I'm having a barbeque at my house this Saturday and I'd love it if she 'd make it. Hey, what the hell, why don't you come too? Dawson: Cool, sounds great. Cliff: And one other thing. I don't know if you can help me with it. Jen doesn't have a boyfriend does she? Dawson: Yeah she does. Me. Cliff: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Cliff: That's, that's terrific, man. (Cliff leaves Dawons standing in the hallway.) (The Leery's house. Gail is looking at some ads while Mitch reads the paper.) Gail: What about sailing lessons? Fencing? No, no, no, what about scubadiving? Mitch: Expensive. You need tnk and fins. Those aren't cheap. And some overpaid instructor at forty bucks an hour. Of course, you're the family bread winner, so that's really not my call is it? Gail: Well, I would love to do it, Mitch. Dr. Keenan wants us to expericence new things that neither of has ever done before. Mitch: Well, hey, why didn't you say so? We've never tried swinging or spouse swapping. Wouldn't that be more appealing to your recreational taste? Gail: When are you going to stop punishing me? Mitch: When I can get the vision of my naked wife playing hide the...when it stops hurting. (Jen and Billy are walking back to Jen's place.) Jen: Billy, being here has been good for me. And, so, if I could somehow, without being too rude, ask you to leave. Billy: Okay, but help me out here, Jen. I'm way too bat to make this ride tonight and I'm a little strapped for hotel money. So, just find me a place to crash for the night and I'm out of here by morning. (Dawson is walking home from school and sees them.) Dawson: Is everything okay? Jen: Dawson, hi. Yeah, everything's fine. It was.. Billy: Hey, how's it going (puts out his hand) Billy Conrad. (Dawson shakes Billy's hand.) Jen: Billy's an old friend of mine from New York. Uh, can I talk to you for a second, Dawson? Dawson: Yeah. (They walk towards his house.) Jen: Look, I know this is kind of awkward but would it be okay tonight, if Billy stayed with you at your house? Dawson: (scocked) Stay with me for the night? Jen, I don't even know him. I just met him. He's a complete stranger to me. I don't know anything about him. Jen: Okay. What do you want to know? Dawson: I don't know where to start. First of all, is he really just a friend or is something more than that? Jen: Dawson, first of all, I've already told you about Billy. (Dawson looks over at Billy who's pulling at his luggage.) Jen: I told him everything about us. And that I'm with you now. But he's still my friend and only my friend . Dawson: Is he the guy? He's the person you got caught doing in your parents' bed. Jen: Yeah, but it's completely over between Billy and I. and I'd really appreciate it if you could give him a place to crash for the night. Believe me, Dawson, anything Billy ever meant to me, you now mean two times that. Please Dawson, for me? (Billy walks over and puts his luggage on Dawson's shoulder.) Billy: Thank you, sir. Dawson: Yeah, no problem. (Dawson throws Billy's luggage back to him.) (Dawson is working on the computer as Billy checks out his room.) Billy: This must be pretty weird for you, huh? Dawson: What's that? Billy: Having me here. Having your girlfriend's ex sharing your bedroom. I mean, that's got to be a real trip, man. Dawson: It's only until tomorrow. Billy: Oh yeah, that's what Jenny said. Tomorrow, right? So what are you anyways, some sort of film buff? Dawson: Something like that. Billy: Oh, now this is cute. (Billy holds up the ET doll. Dawson takes it away from him.) Dawson: That's a collector's item. Look Billy, if you're going to be staying another day, I should know, Jen should know Billy: Okay, how about this? I'm not leaving tomorrow. In fact, I have no intention of leaving until Jen's thrown you over and come back to me. So, the question is, what do you do about it? Do you have Daddy throw me out? Do you remove me personally from the premises? (he laughs) Have a sense of humor man. Look at you. You're all trumped up over nothing. Yeah, I'll probably split tomorrow. But in the meantime, you and I should take advantage of our newfound closeness here. (throwing himself on the bed) I bet you're dying to get to know what Jen was like in New York. So, sh*t. Ask away. Dawson: Billy, I already know all about you and Jen and her life in New York. There's nothing I'm curious about. No info I'm subtly fishing for, okay? She told me everything. Billy: She gave you the headlines. Caught in bed, shipped up here to get away from me, etc, etc, and so on. But did she give you the details? Did she fill in the blanks that make a story a story? Because my guess is there's a lot you don't know about, Dawson. My guess is, you don't know the half of it. (Joey is babysitting Alexander. He is asleep as she reads a magazine. Dawson comes in the front door.) Dawson: Joey, I really need to talk to you. My life is rapidily turning into some seriously disturbing joke. Joey: Shhh, you wake him up, your life will be over. (Dawson and Joey go into another room to talk.) Joey: So, what's the problem? Dawson: Okay, you know how yesterday, I said everything between Jen and me were great? Well it's not. It's a mess. Her ex boyfriend from New York is here and he's staying at my house. Joey: Oh, so that's who that cute guy was in school yesterday? Dawson: You're not helping. Joey: Look, what' s the big deal? I mean, I thought you were with Jen. You guys are a couple, right? Dawson: Yeah, of course. Joey: So? Dawson: Well, you know, it's just that Mr. Smooth rides into town and Dawson bowling starts sounding pretty lame. Joey: Dawson, bowling always sounds lame. Dawson: Look, umm, Billy's staying at my house which I hate okay, but if I kick him out, I look petty and insecure but if I let him stay, I feel like a patsy. Joey: Well, hmmm. Dawson: I'm beginning to think relationship problems run in my family. Joey: Dawson, I hate to break it to you but your problems really aren't that original. You know, divorce and dysfunction run rapid in this town. So I... Dawson: Dysfunction I can handle. Divorce I..How much pain and humilation can a relationship endure before it reaches the point of no return? Joey: Are we talking about the father or the son here? Dawson, relax, don't worry about it. You know, it's all going to blow over and you're going to be on to bigger and better problems before you know it. Dawson: You think so? Joey: Really. Dawson: Just sit tight? Joey: It's all going to be fine Dawson: You're right. Thanks. You're the best. (Dawson leaves, slamming the door which waks up the baby. He rows across the creek back home.) (Cut to Dawson and Jen. Dawson is walking in front of Jen.) Jen: You know, I really did want to let you know, Dawson, how much I appreciate your generousity and giving him a place to crash and everything. Dawson: He's not exactly here to watch the leaves change colors is he, Jen. (looks at Jen) No, I didn't think so. I think he's here to get you back. I don't know whether you think I'm super evolved or just plain oblivious to everything. Jen: Look, Dawson, I told him it's over with us. I told him everything about us. You know that. Dawson: I don't think he's getting the message and quite frankly, I don't think you want him to. (Dawson turns around to face her.) Jen: Look, Dawson, I don't want to lie to you. Yeah, Billy, still has feelings for me. I mean, we never really got a chance to say good-bye. My parents threw me out of New York so fast, there was never any time for closure. Dawson: I thought you wanted to make a break from all those guys who sexualized you way too young? Jen: But Billy wasn't one of them. He was the only guy who ever treated me with respect. He treated me well. Dawson: So you're going back to him? (waiting for a reaction) You have to think about that? Jen: It's just not that simple, alright? It's confusing. Dawson: We're invited to a party at Cliff Elliott's tonight and I want you to come with me. I want things to go back to normal and I want Billy gone. Jen: Look, I just can't send him away like that. Dawson: Of course. He's treated you with nothing but respect. But you know what, Jen, last time I checked, so did I. And how do I get repaid? By having the guy who's had you everywhere from Battery Park to your parents' bed dumped on me as my new bunkmate. Jen: (upset) Dawson, come on, be fair to me, alright? Look this isn't the easiest situation in the world for me either. I mean, imagine if some ex-girl- friend of yours suddenly showed up to town and just put everything in a worldwind. How would you feel? Dawson: You know what, Jen? That's impossible, ok? Because I don't have a ex-girl-friend. You're my girlfriend, my first and only. All I'm trying to do is prevent Billy's ex from becoming my ex too. Jen: My feelings for you haven't changed, Dawson, can't you see that? Try and understand. Dawson: Unfortunately, I think I do. (Dawson walks off.) (Cut to the video storewhere Pacey is at work. He is watching Anaconda when Joey walks in. He turns the movie off.) Joey: Look, I need to rent the English Patient. Pacey: May I suggest to you a movie that doesn't completely blow? Joey: No, because it was on cable last night and it put the baby to sleep. In fact, it's the only thing that's put baby to sleep, because baby never sleeps. And if baby doesn't sleep, I don't sleep. If I don't sleep, I get angry. I get irritable and I can no longer maintain my sunny deposition. So, Pacey, if you even have the slightest bit of human decency, you'd rent this movie to me immediately and bring a 181 minutes of peace into my otherwise wretched life. Please? (Pacey checks the computer than goes to the back of the store to get the video.) Pacey: Alright, but in my professional opinion, you don't need a video store. You need a pharmacy. (Pacey gives Joey the video.) Joey: Anyways, I hear Jen's ex has been lurking around Capeside. Met this strapping young fellow yet? Pacey: Oh, he's a real charmer. Just about lost three toes to a pair of his steel-belted radios. Joey: So, what's the paty line? You think she'll go back to him? And return to her wanton New York ways? Pacey: You know, I really don't know, but if Jen did ditch Dawson for Billy the Kid, wouldn't that please a certain someone we both know? Joey: Look you know me, Pacey, I'm not one to stand in the way of true love. But if Jen has a connection to this guy, which seems like she does, you know, what can we do about it? Pacey: Look, Joey, I've never really taken a particular interest in your life cause frankly your life has never been particularily interesting but there is one thing I need to know. You're really, really enjoying the fact that Jen's ex is in town, aren't you? Joey: Well, it's intriguing, Pacey, I mean, even you have to admit that. Pacey: But you know what? This is the wedge you've been waiting for that's going to drive Jen and Dawson apart, right? Joey: No, Pacey, you're such...it's not like that at all. You don't know what you're talking about. Pacey: See, the three of us have been friends too long and up until now, I've just kind of stood idly by and watched this all go down. But it's time to lay this on the line, okay? You have some raging hormonal obsession for our friend Dawson and you just can't wait to get your hooks into him butt good, can you? Huh? Joey: Bite me, Pacey. Pacey: Busted. (Joey turns around to leave.) Pacey: Hey, be kind, rewind. (Cut to the Leery's. Mitch and gail are returning home.) Mitch: What is the big deal? Gail: The instruction was pretty basic. You should never be more than three feet away from your buddy at any time. Mitch: Oh, that's ironic. Me getting bitched at for floating away from you. (Dawson is in his room listening to music. He hears his parents fighting and listens.) Gail: Look, I can't do this by myself, so if you're going to fight this therapy every step of the way, then we're both just wasting our time. If that's the case, then just let me know Mitch. (Dawson stops listening, closes his door, and goes back to listening to music.) (Icehouse. Joey is waiting on a woman who doesn't know what to order.) Joey: Can I take your order? Woman: Oh, oh, let's see, um, I'll have... Joey: You know, everything's really good. Bessie: Joey, table 5! Woman: I think, I think I'll just have some coffee to start out with. Joey: Okay, in one second. (goes to another table) Can I take your order? Man: We've already ordered. Bessie: This is table 8, Joey, I said table 5. Joey: Ok, ok. Woman: Miss, that coffee, please? Joey: Alright...in a second...oh, just a second. (Joey starts to pour some coffee when Pacey walks up.) Pacey: Hey Jo. Joey: Oh thank you, Satan, for completing this night of horrors by sending one of your disciples to finish me off. Pacey: Umm, what are you doing tonight? (She sets the coffee down in front of a man.) Man: Excuse me, I didn't order this. (Pacey follows Joey as she takes the coffee to the woman.) Pacey: Uhh, forget I said that. Wait...I was just out looking for a date and since I couldn't find one, I thought of you. Joey: Oh. Pacey: So, how 'bout it? Wanna go crash a beach party with me? Huh? Joey: Oh gee whiz, you know, as much as that sounds like so much fun, you know, I am kind of busy. (Joey goes to clear a table and Pacey continues to follow her.) Pacey: Come on, Jo, it'll be fun. Joey: (handing the dishes to Pacey) After I serve the one hundredth million seafood platter, finish picking up the broken glass from the ice maker, scrap the mung out of the viliators, I was thinking maybe of taking my tip money and flying to the Canary Islands and opening an offshore account. What do you think of that? (to the woman at the table) Sorry. Pacey: You know, when was the last...ok, alright, alright. Damn, Joey, when was the last time you went out and had some fun, alright? (They put the dishes in a sink.) Joey: Don't ask. Pacey: (begging) Just go. Besides, Dawson will be there, okay? Joey: Big whoop. Pacey: Alone, Joey. Bessie: (untying Joey's apron) Go. Joey: It's swamped. Bessie: Sarah's coming in to cover. Joey: Yeah, but you need me. You can't handle this by yourself. Bessie: Good-bye! Pacey: (pulling Joey) You. come on, come on. (to Bessie) Slow down, Bessie. (Dawson is deciding what to wear for the party. Mitch knocks on the door and comes in.) Mitch: Dawson? Dawson: Yeah? Mitch: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Mitch: How's it going? Dawson: Umm...complicated and you? Mitch: Complicated. Squarely in the midst of what Dr. Keenan would refer to as stage 4. Dawson: Stage 4. Do I dare ask what stage 5 is? Mitch: Anyway, on to you, where's Billy the Kid? Dawson: Ummm, best guess, probably hanging out with his ex girlfriend, who happens to be my current girlfriend. Which means among other things,I'll be attending tonight's barbeque solo. While Jen spends the afternoon with my new roommate. What stage would Dr. Keenan put us in? Mitch: In high school. Dawson: Let's face it, dad. We're a couple of nice guys, which stopped being a desirable character trait about half a century ago. Mitch: Dawson, I am the last person who should be giving you or anybody else romance tips, however, it seems that every relationship produces its share of disappointments and insecurities and pains. Anyone who's never been hurt is either very lucky or very lonely. The trick is to get through it. Dawson: How? Mitch: Compromise. Tears, scuba lessons at the local Y, Different for everyone. Dawson: And that works? Mitch: I have no idea, kid. No idea what so ever. (Billy and Jen, holding hands, are walking along the shoreline of Capeside.) Billy: Do you know how much I just want to scoop you up and take you back to New York with me? Jen: And I would just end up turning around and coming here. This is my home, Billy. Billy: (drops her hand) So, this is really it. You are leaving me for a guy who has a ET doll on his bed. Jen: It's a collector's item. Billy: It's a doll. Jen: Billy, it's been good to see you again, but I really should go to that party and find... Billy: Yes. Jen: ...Dawson, since I owe him about 400 explanations. Billy: Alright, then before you leave, since who knows when and if we'll ever see each other again, how about for old time sake, you and me, just one last kiss? Jen: One last kiss and then you'll go? Billy: (holding three fingers up) Scout's honor. (They kiss.) Jen: Good-bye Billy. (Jen leaves and heads to the party) (Cliff Elliott's house. Joey is leaning on the balcony. Pacey comes out with a drink.) Pacey: Alright then, this the best party or what? Joey: Oh, yeah. Time of my life. I'm ready for the group hug whenever you are. Pacey: Oh, Melissa Five at one o'clock. Girl of my dreams right there. (looks at what he's wearing) How do I look? Joey: (smiling) Like a before picture of a after-geek remover. Pacey: Easy, doll. Jealousy is not going to get you anywhere. (Pacey leaves her to follow Melissa and Dawson joins her on the balcony.) Joey: Hey. Dawson: Great party huh? Joey: Oh yeah, time of my life. Dawson: I've had such a rockin' time since I joined the JV football team. Joey: Oh yeah, and cheerleading has opened up sooo many doors. (They smile at each other.) Dawson: What do you say--one quick drink, then we ht the video store? Joey: Thought you'd never ask. Dawson: Be right back Joey: Okay. (Dawson goes to get some drinks. At the refreshment stand, he sees Jen who goes over to him.) Jen: Hi Dawson: Hey, you're here. Jen: Yeah, I'm here. I'm alone and I'm sorry about everything Dawson. About the way I treated you. I mean, I was foolish. (He kisses her) It was stupid of me to think that...Come on, let's go talk. (Joey is looking for Dawson when a tall blond guy comes and sits next to her.) Guy: Drink? Joey: Ah, no thanks. Guy: No really, I got an extra soda. Joey: Ah, no, actually my friend's getting me one. I'm fine, thanks. Guy: Really? Who's your friend? Joey: Dawson Leery. You probably don't know him. Guy: Sure, Dawson (looks out at the beach) hm currently hitting the beach with that cute, blond chick? (Joey looks over and sees Dawson and Jen walking togeth, holding hands.) Guy: Drink? Joey: Sure. Thanks (Joey takes the cup and drinks it.) (Jen and Dawson are walking along the beach.) Jen: You know what, Dawson. I'm sorry. I know I could have handled things better but I, it's like Billy showed up and my judgement flew right out of the window. I mean, I cut class. Billy: (interrupting them) You're too hard on yourself. I swear she's too hard on yourself. Isn't she too hard on herself? Dawson: What's he doing here? I thought you told him to go. Jen: I did. I swear to God, I did. Billy: Yes, but I simply took the pleasure of reading between the lines. Dawson: What are you talking about? Billy: Let's just say, as a student of the good bye kiss, it posessed a little more kiss and a little less good-bye. Dawson: What? You kissed him? Jen: It was a good-bye kiss, Dawson. (to Billy) It was a good bye kiss. Billy: Alright, if that's all it was, then I will take my leave right now. But you tell me, Jenny, tell me all that kiss said was good-bye. (Pacey comes over to Joey and takes her cup of alcohol.) Pacey: Not that I care, but you may want to pace yourself with this stuff. Joey: (leaning aginst him) Pacey, I know I don't say it enough but you're a really terrific friend. Pacey: (pushing her away) Ah, ok, thanks, yeah. (The guy comes back with another drink for her.) Guy: Is this guy bothering you, Chloe? Pacey: Okay, just a couple of things. First, her name is not Chloe, it's Joey and second, no, I'm not hitting on her. I'm just her friend. (takes the second drink from her) God knows. Guy: (taking Joey's hand) Well, thanks for the info. We'll catch you later. (to Joey) Come on, let's take a little walk. Joey: Alright. (They walk off.) (Dawson, Jen and Billy are still having their conversation) Dawson: Jen, tell me that kiss meant nothing. Jen: Dawson, you've got to understand. I mean, this is such a confusing situation. Dawson: Then what? Your world's turned completely upside down that you can't even answer the simple question? Billy: You know what? She did answer the question. I just think you happen to not like the answer. Dawson: Dude, why don't you stay out of this, ok? This is between Jen and me. This does not concern you. Billy: You know what? I think that's where we disagree, Dawson, cause not only does this concern me, it concerns me gravely. So if there ever was a third and expendable wheel in this scenerio, it would be you. See, Jen and I go way back. She was with me long before she ever even entered into your fantasies. Dawson: You and everyone else. Jen: You know what, Dawson, I may have made some mistakes but at least I don't live in a fantasy world where everyone... Dawson: Jen, I'm sorry. I don't want to trade insults here. I just want to know where I stand. One of us has got to go. Who's it going to be? Him or me? Jen, who's the third wheel in this scenerio? Jen: You know what? I think I am. (Jen walks off.) Billy and Dawson: (calling after her) Jen! Dawson: Are you happy now? Billy: Actually, not too bad. You? (Dawson sees Pacey and goes over to him.) (Joey and the guy are on the beach. The look like they are making out.) Joey: Are you trying? Guy: Shh, come on. Joey: Are we dancing? Guy: We are doing whatever you want to do, sweetheart. (Pacey comes and takes the guy's arms off of Joey.) Pacey: Alright, Jo. Say good-bye to the nice serial rpist man. Guy: You again a-hole! She doesn't want to leave. Joey: Come on, please leave, Pacey. Pacey: (grabs the guy away from Joey) Alright, cowboy. Party's over. (He tries to ht Pacey but Pacey gets him first.) Pacey: (rubbing his hand) Oh, ow!! Dawson: (rushing over) You alright? Pacey: Uh, yeah. Fine. oh, ow!! (Dawson goes over to where Joey had fallen on the ground.) Dawson: Jo? Joey: Dawson, thank you, You're my hero. (Pacey looks at Joey funny, surprised at her comment.) (Dawson and Pacey are helping Joey home.) Pacey: You know, this probably is not the brightest thing you've ever done. Joey: Shut up. Dawson: Dude, we got to be quiet. If Bodie sees her like this, she's dad. Pacey: Yeah, I know. Listen, you two stay here. I'm going to go ahead. (to Dawson) You think you can handle lush life by yourself? (Joey leans against Dawson and he takes her inside.) Dawson: (to Pacey) Dude, whatever you do, don't wake up the baby. (to Joey) Okay, okay, alright, we're going to walk. Joey: Okay. (Pacey goes into Alexander's room. He accidentally steps on a squeaky toy and Alexander starts to cry.) Pacey: Uh oh. Pacey: Hey, heya little man (he rocks the baby) Just bringing drunk Aunt Joey in. Why don't you just go back to sleep? (Dawson lays Joey down on the couch in the family room) Dawson: Here you go. Feet up. Look Jo, I know it's been a tough week for you. You always try to handle everything by yourself. Is that why you got drunk tonight? You needed a little break from your life? Joey: (mumbling) I just, I just lost table 5. (Pacey is trying to quiet Alexander down) Pacey: Shh, shh, shh. Come on, little guy. Come on. You want that? (gives him a pacifier) Right in there. Come on, God, there's got be something to quiet this kid down. (Joey is lying on the couch. Dawson is sitting next to her brushing her hair out of her eyes.) Dawson: This is probably the wrong time to tell you this but ummm well, maybe it's the perfect time. I realize how incredibly confusing things are between us. I can't even begin to explain our relationship. You probably can't either. But ummm, I just want you to know that umm, if you ever need me, I'll always be here for you. All you ever have to do is ask. (Joey reaches up to Dawson and kisses him. Dawson just looks at her.) (Pacey talks to Alexander about the English Patient.)) Pacey: So then, the guy who ends up being the English Patient and the girl, they're stranded in the cave. And she looks up at him. (with a British accent) She's like oh, please don't leave me. Promise me, you'll come back someday. And he turns around. Hey, hey, listen, listen to this, he turns around and he's like don't worry, darling, I'll come back for you, unless of course, my plane is sht down by nzi and my face is brned beyond recognization after cutting off William Dafoe's fingers. (Dawson walks in quietly.) Dawson: (whispering) Let's go, let's go. Pacey: Alright. (to Alexander) Sleep tight, little man. (The Leery's house.) (Gail is putting away the scubadiving equipment. Mitch comes out to give her a hand.) Gail: I guess, scuba diving wasn't such a inspiring idea after all. Mitch: Yeah, well. I, I, I don't think that uh, scuba diving, waterskiing, or bungee jumping is the key to solving our problems. Gail: I know. i just thought if maybe we tried something new.. Mitch: I'm not sure that it's the new stuff that needs the work. Maybe we've neglected some of the old things. Gail, I love you. And I am willing to do whatever I have to. So, why don't we just start with something really simple. Okay? Something that doesn't require regulators or parachutes or oxygen t*nk. Gail: Okay, like what? (Mitch goes and turns on a song on the CD player.) Mitch: (taking Gail's hand) May I? (They dance until Gail tries to kiss him) Mitch: One thing at a time, Gail. (Pacey and Dawson are rowing back across the creek to their houses.) Dawson: Joey was so out of it tonight. She.. .she babbled on about the Icehouse, kissed me, rolled over and passed out. Pacey: Wait, wait. She kissed you? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: She kissed you like an aunt on Thanksgiving kiss or she kissed you? Dawson: No, she, she kissed me. It, it meant nothing. She was completely wasted. Obliviously mistook me for Brad Pitt. Which, Which is understand.. Pacey: Ohh, Dawson, my fine oblivious friend. One of thse days, you're gonna have to take a gigantic fact check, my friend, alright? She didn't mistake you for anybody, okay? This girl is head in the clouds, 100% ass-backwards in love with you, alright? Dawson: Dude, Pacey. Joey and I have a great time together, and it's great to have someone you know so well that you don't even have to verbalize what you're thinking, most of the time. The other person just gets it, picks up on it, and I, it, it's like that with Joey and me. it's great. And...And I like it but it... it's not love. Pacey: Allright. Don't you think it's a little strange that in the middle of a disastrous weekend with your girlfriend Jen, you and I are sitting here talking about your "friend" Joey? Dawson: Love is what I have with Jen. Okay? It's exciting, it's it's new and unknown. It...yeah, sometimes it's outta hand but trust me, there's a difference between friendship and love. Pacey: Right and you're so sure that you know the difference? Dawson: You, you don't know what you're talking about. (Billy is getting ready to leave when Dawson comes into his room.) Dawson: Leaving so soon? Billy: Yeah, thought I'd check out the scenery up the coast. My travel agent says the leaves are spectacular this time of year. Dawson: I assume you haven't tried to steal anything. Other than my girlfriend. Billy: Hey, relax, alright. You win. I just talked to Jen and apparently she's not as confused as she seems. So, it looks like the nice guy gets the girl after all. (Billy gets his luggage and leaves, then turns around.) Billy: Oh, by the way, if traffic's with me, I can make it up here from New York in under three and an half hours. You better treat her good,Dawson. Dawson: I will. (Billy leaves. Dawson looks at the window and sees Jen at the pier. He goes out to join her.) Dawson: (putting his arms around her) You know for someone who views themselves as a tragically nice guy, I spend an awful lot of time apologizing. Jen, I'm sorry about what I said earlier. Insecurity brings out the worst. (Jen pulls away from him and stands on the other side of the pier.) Jen: You know how you're always curious about how my life was like in New York? Truth is, it's really no different than it is right now. I mean, geography aside, I am still the same stupid girl who's always found it easier to escape into a relationship than to face life on her own. Dawson: Jen, that's not true, okay? It's this whole Billy thing. Now that the ghost of boyfriend's past is gone, we can go back. Jen: To what? Dawson, I'm sixteen, I've, I've never stayed home on a Saturday night. I've never gone stag to a school dance. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm lucky, I'm fortunate and I am still way too unhappy most of the time. I told Billy today that it was over with us. Dawson: I know. He told me Jen: And now I have to say the same thing to you. Dawson: (surprised) What? Jen? Jen: I know I criticize you for living in a fantasy world, Dawson, but the truth is, I envy you. Everything's so new, so untouched for you. i would gladly trade in all my experiences for just an ounce of your idealism. And I wish I knew some better way to say this but. Dawson: Yeah, but we can make it work. We can fix this. Jen: No! Dawson: I know we can. We can. You know, sleep on this. We'll talk in the morning. We don't need to go over this now. Jen: Dawson, please. Listen to me. I've got to take a few steps back. I've, I've got to try life on my own for awhile. Dawson: (upset) You can't just make me fall for you and then bail as soon as. I can't. Jen: I'll miss you, you know. (Dawson turns around.) Dawson: Yeah. Jen: I'll be sleeping 80 feet away from you and it will feel like a thousand miles. I'll regret my decision constantly. I'll kick myself to no end and when I come crawling back to you, you'll have every right to say 'take a hike, Jen, I'm with somebody else now'. Dawson: Somebody who appreciates me. Somebody who doesn't blow into town with her dysfunctional past and play mind games with the boy next door. Somebody who is capable of a healthy, committed relationship and unfortunately, somebody nothing like you. (Dawson walks up the pier, turns around, then continues. Jen watches him go home.)	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x07 - Escape From New York"}	foreverdreaming
In The Company Of Men #108 Dawson is leaning against his window looking out towards Jen's house. Joey is sitting on Dawson's bed watching him Joey: Dawson, Neighbor girl dumped you. No one died. Just get over it. Dawson: It was 48 hours ago. And you'd think I exceeded the statue of limitations of pain. Joey:It's not a matter of time, Dawson, it's a matter of degree. You haven't eaten and you stare at Jen's house like it's going to disappear. And I've seen you at school. You spy. It's twisted. And I'm almost afraid to ask what movie you brought back tonight. Dawson: Sid and Nancy. Joey: See, your problem is that you're getting off on this. Dawson: getting up from the window and going to his desk Sorry, Joey.Picks up ET doll It's tough to come up with creative moping strategies once I realized that everything I'm about is exactly what turned her off. It's not like I can learn to dance or get a new haircut or something. Joey:gets up from the bed and goes over to her Dawson, she dumped you, not your belief system. Dawson: She rejected romance, honesty, and respect. Everytime I see Billy outside of her house, I'm reminded. Joey: Everything reminds you of her. Dawson:Oh? Joey: Dawson, you've known the girl for three months. How could everything possibly remind you of her? Dawson: I don't know, Joey, I can't explain it. It just does. Dawson goes over to his bed and lays down. Joey follows and grabs the remote from him. She sits down on the chair next to the bed Joey: C'mon, let's just watch the movie. This conversation is becoming far too disturbing. Dawson looks at the tv and sees Jen's face. He grabs a pillow and puts it over his face. Dawson:Ohhhhhhhhh. Theme Song to Dawson's Creek Billy climbs up Jen's window and into her room. He looks around it, picking up pictures here and there, and finally lays on her bed to wait for her Jen: voice heard Hey. Grams, have you seen my green shirt? I, I think it needs ironing. Grams:voice Oh yes, dear. I thought I saw it in your closet. Grams enters Ah, you left it on the dresser. looks over and sees Billy on the bedJennifer, would you come up here now, please? And bring the telephone To Billy And you would be? Billy: Quite comfortable, thanks. Grams: I want a name. Billy: Billy. Grams: Billy? Oh yes, I've heards about you before. Jen: entering her room Okay, I've got the phone. sees Billy What the hell are you doing here? Billy: Word is, you dropped Dawson, so I just thought you might be looking for a suitable replacement. Grams: If he's not out of my house in two minutes, I'm calling the National Guard.to Jen And then I would like a serious word with you. Grams leaves Billy: calling after her Great to meet you. Jen: I thought you were leaving. Billy: You know, my car was packed and I really was, Jenny, but then word trickled down and I thought it might be in my best interest to stick around a little longer. Jen: Well then, why don't I clearify things for you. Just because Dawson and I are on hiatus doesn't mean there's some vacancy I'm looking to fill. Billy:Let's just say there happened to be this guy. Some guy you had an intense connection with. Then I might think you'd be open to the possibility. Jen: I'd have to say no. But I'd also like to add: not a chance and never again. Billy: You used to be fun, you know that. Jen: No, I used to be weak and vulnerable. Billy: Yeah, well next time you alter your personality, let me know in advance. It'll save me in gas money. Billy exits through the window Billy is sitting outside on the hood of his car eating an apple. Dawson walks by on his way to class Dawson: You know, I'm beginning to doubt your sincerity when you tell me you're leaving. Billy: getting off his car Hey, just the man I was looking for. Dawson:What can I provide you with this time, Billy? A place to stay? Or just another chance to completely screw up my life? Billy: You know, despite outword appearances, you and I actually have a lot in common. Dawson: Right. Both got our hearts broken by the same girl. But you know what? Jen didn't flee the state to get away from me. Billy: Give her time. Dawson starts walking away from Billy Billy: Man, if I lived 50 yards away from her, I swear to you, I'd go insane. Dawson stops to listen to Billy Billy: Stare up at her window wondering what she's doing. She's talking on the phone, who is she talking to? And if she's listening to music, who do those songs remind her of? Does she still think about me? Dawson: And does she think about me as half as much as I think of her. Billy: See what I mean. Common ground. But the good news is there's a simple cure for all of this. Dawson walks back to Billy to hear more Dawson: Yeah? Billy: Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Jen is a great girl. But last time I checked, she wasn't the only one. What? Are you unconvinced? Look, take a little ride with me. Let me illustrate my point. Dawson: Take a ride where? Billy: Providence. There's this club there. It's a bit of a dive but absolutely remarkable in one respect. It lies exactly equi-distant between a pair of women's colleges. Co-eds wall-to-wall, Dawson. Dawson: Can I get in? I'm not exactly legal. Billy: I know the bouncer. Dawson: Of course, there's school. Billy: And what's waiting for you there? Another day wondering about Jenny? Where she is? When you'll see her next? What football player she's having lunch with? Dawson: You made your point. And you know what? You're right. This is exactly what I need. To get away from her. To get away from here. You know what, she's going to freak when I'm not there. It'll be good to let her wonder about me for awhile. Billy and Dawson drive off together Joey is walking down the middle of the street to school. Warren Gerry is driving along in his jeep. He continues driving even as they talk Warren: Hey, Warren Gerry. I'm on my way to school. You need a lift? Joey: Ah, no thanks. I'm waiting for Ted Bundy. Warren: Well, Ted's a lucky man. Joey: Ted Bundy is dad. He was a serial-- Warren: kller. Yeah, I know. excuted in Florida, claimed prn made him do it. So come on, what do you say? I need the merit badge. Joey: And which badge is that? Warren: Community Service. I'm going to say you were 80 and blind. Joey: Well, I'm sure you'll be an Eagle Scout by the end of the day. Warren: Exactly. So what do you say? C'mon, help me out here. Joey relents and she gets in the car with him. They are soon driving to school together Warren: So is the air cold or are you just happy to see me? Joey: You had to go and do it. You had to invoke my participation. Does it bother you that you singlehandly participated the stereotype? Warren:Which answer means we can get friendly down in the sand together? Joey: You know. if having sex ruined it, and famine didn't even work, and kissing you would bring out a new AIDs enlightenment, then I'd... Warren: You know something? You talk a lot. So what? That's all you and your boyfriendJoey looks at him Dawson, and I use the term loosely, do? Talk? Joey: You don't need to use the term at all, Warren. Dawson is not my boyfriend. Warren: Well, the boy part I was reffering to. Joey looks at him strangely Warren: What? You ever seen the guy throw a baseball? Joey: Believe it or not, there's no correlation between a slide and a sperm count. Warren: How would you know? I mean, you're obviously a virgin. Joey: How do you know that Dawson and I haven't been going at it for years? I mean, we could be imitating the Kuma Sutra for all you know. Warren: Oh. Joey: You know, I might be a virgin, but believe me, it's by choice. Joey and Warren continue driving to school Dawson and Billy are in the hallway of the school. Dawson spots Pacey and starts to go over to him Dawson: You could have waited in the car. Billy: Don't worry, I won't tell anyone we're together. Pacey:as Billy leaves them Hey, what's he up to? Dawson: We're cutting out of here. We're going up to a club in Providence. Pacey: Finally! Dawson's evil twin. This is going to be a much anticipated pleasure. Pacey shuts his locker preparing to go with Dawson Dawson: What are you doing? Pacey: You're cutting class to go to a nightclub, you're asking what I'm doing. I'm coming with you,man. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Dawson: Billy. Billy: Hey. Great so we're ready to go? Dawson: Yeah. I'm going to go turn in my math homework and we're out of here. Dawson rushes off Pacey: Yeah. Walk on the wild side. Joey and Jen are walking towards their lockers with each other Jen: to Joey Listen, I heard something this morning that I thought you should. Jen spots Billy by her locker Jen: At the risk of sounding redundant, what the hell are you doing here? Billy: The boys just have to wrap up some things before we left. to Joey Good morning. Jen:What are you talking about? Billy: I'm taking Pacey and your boy here on a little road trip. Funny, but in the midst of all the confusion, Dawson and I actually stumbled upon some common ground. Jen: I don't think I like the sound of this, Billy. The last thing Dawson needs is to be pulled down by you. Billy:I swear to you, Dawson was simply complaining how a guy can't seem to get any around here. So, I told him about this little place I know. Joey: What kind of place? Billy: Let's just say that women take cash and are remarkably friendly. Joey: You're taking him to a whore house? Billy:spying Dawson Oh, there's his holiness now. Well girls, gotta run. I see Saint Dawson is chumping at the bits to get some. Joey: I think I'm going to go barf. They leave the girls Billy: Excuse me pulling Pacey with him Pacey: We're not really going to go.. Billy: No. I was just kidding around. Pacey: Oh? Billy: Cheer up, stud. Jen and Joey are back at their lockers talking Joey: God. Jen:You know, I've never really had a whole lot of faith in guys. But I. I thought Dawson was different. Joey: Yeah, he's different. Unfortunately, he's just not as different as we thought. Jen: No. Listen, ah, Joey, you know that football player Warren. Joey: What? Jen: You didn't sleep with him, did you? Joey: Yeah, I had sex with Warren Gerry. Right after I gave a sponge bath to the Navy pilots. Why would you even ask me that? Jen: He's telling everyone you did. Jen and Joey are left standing in the hall as the bell rings signaling class Dawson, Billy and Pacey are on the ferry to get to Rhode Island. Billy is down below the deck and Pacey and Dawson are talking by the rails. Billy: I'm going to go downstairs and get a drink. Dawson: Alright. We'll be right here. Pacey: Alright, one more time. Dawson, you're not the type of guy who does something bad just because it feels good. Dawson:Oh, there's a oxymoron to live by. Pacey: What? You want examples of this? Alright, what's the first thing, the very first thing you did after announcing this little roadtrip of ours? Remember? You know exactly what it was, don't you? You turned in your Math homework. Man, hey, those are not exactly the actions of a rebel. But there's nothing wrong with that. You just cared about what people think about you. You're that nice Leery boy, man. You like being the nice Leery boy. Dawson: Oh yeah, and you're any different? Pacey:Hey.Please. Just, you know, talk to the school board and take a glance at my permanent records. There's not comparision between you and I, Dawson. Everybody knows you're a regular Richie Cunningham. Billy, he's the Fonz. Dawson: Congratulations. That makes you Potsie. The school lunchroom. Jen is sitting at a table with some people. Joey walks up to Warren who's sitting with his football friends Joey: We need to talk. Warren: She needs to talk. Warren gets up from his table and follows her to a corner of the room Joey: It wasn't very memorable, Warren. Warren: What? Joey: The sex. In fact, I can't seem to remember it at all. Why don't you refresh my memory? Warren: It was actually pretty good. Although you did eventually complain of fatigue. Joey: What is going on in that twisted head of yours? Warren: Look, this could be a win-win. Joey: Explain. Warren: Our reps. Okay, I've got one to live up to; you have one to live down. Joey: What? And people thinking we're doing the deed is going to help my precious reputation? Warren: Well, you know how in baseball, there are major and minor leagues? Joey: Yeah. Warren: Well, think of this as your call up to the show. No more shying in flyballs with washouts and wannabes. Joey: You are such a bastard. If you're the major leagues, well, then I hope I never get out of the A-ball. Warren: loud enough for everyone to hearHey look, I never said that I would be your boyfriend. Everyone looks at them. Joey storms off upset and Jen follows to make sure she's okay Jen finds Joey hunched on the stairs in the hallway. Jen stands at the foot of the stairs leaning against the wall Jen: I never believed it. Joey: You sure? That's why you asked. Jen: I only asked because I was concerned, Joey. But I would have bet anything against it. Besides. Joey: Besides what? Jen: Nevermind. I guess I've always just pictured you with someone different. Someone. You know, just another lifeform. Joey: Walking upright. Jen: Yeah. Opposible thumb. The whole bit. And maybe someone just a tad more sensitive than Warren. Joey: Yeah, well, in my experiences, even the sensitive ones can let you down with the best of them. Jen: You know, Joey, maybe Dawson is. Joey: Look, I didn't say a thing about Dawson. And as far as Warren and his pathetic fantasies go, you know, what harm can a guy do? I mean, being called a football groupie could describe half the girls in this school. Jen: Joey, I may be overstepping my boundaries here, but, ah, I think I know a way to get Warren back. Joey: What? You know how to make a voodoo doll or something? Jen: No, I'm serious. You know, guys like Warren have been getting away with this kind of stuff way too long. So, what do you say Joey? Are you interested in a little payback? Joey: Alright, I'm listening.EPISODE 108 "IN THE COMPANY OF MEN" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Kaite Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Original Airdate: March 17, 1998 (Dawson is leaning against his window looking out towards Jen's house. Joey is sitting on Dawson's bed watching him) Joey: Dawson, Neighbor girl dumped you. No one died. Just get over it. Dawson: It was 48 hours ago. And you'd think I exceeded the statue of limitations of pain. Joey: It's not a matter of time, Dawson, it's a matter of degree. You haven't eaten and you stare at Jen's house like it's going to disappear. And I've seen you at school. You spy. It's twisted. And I'm almost afraid to ask what movie you brought back tonight. Dawson: Sid and Nancy. Joey: See, your problem is that you're getting off on this. Dawson: (getting up from the window and going to his desk) Sorry, Joey.(Picks up ET doll) It's tough to come up with creative moping strategies once I realized that everything I'm about is exactly what turned her off. It's not like I can learn to dance or get a new haircut or something. Joey: (gets up from the bed and goes over to her) Dawson, she dumped you, not your belief system. Dawson: She rejected romance, honesty, and respect. Everytime I see Billy outside of her house, I'm reminded. Joey: Everything reminds you of her. Dawson:Oh? Joey: Dawson, you've known the girl for three months. How could everything possibly remind you of her? Dawson: I don't know, Joey, I can't explain it. It just does. (Dawson goes over to his bed and lays down. Joey follows and grabs the remote from him. She sits down on the chair next to the bed) Joey: C'mon, let's just watch the movie. This conversation is becoming far too disturbing. (Dawson looks at the tv and sees Jen's face. He grabs a pillow and puts it over his face.) Dawson:Ohhhhhhhhh. Theme Song to Dawson's Creek (Billy climbs up Jen's window and into her room. He looks around it, picking up pictures here and there, and finally lays on her bed to wait for her) Jen: (voice heard) Hey. Grams, have you seen my green shirt? I,I think it needs ironing. Grams:(voice) Oh yes, dear. I thought I saw it in your closet. (Grams enters) Ah, you left it on the dresser. (looks over and sees Billy on the bed)Jennifer, would you come up here now, please? And bring the telephone (To Billy) And you would be? Billy: Quite comfortable, thanks. Grams: I want a name. Billy: Billy. Grams: Billy? Oh yes, I've heards about you before. Jen: (entering her room) Okay, I've got the phone. (sees Billy) What the hell are you doing here? Billy: Word is, you dropped Dawson, so I just thought you might be looking for a suitable replacement. Grams: If he's not out of my house in two minutes, I'm calling the National Guard.(to Jen)And then I would like a serious word with you. (Grams leaves) Billy: (calling after her) Great to meet you. Jen: I thought you were leaving. Billy: You know, my car was packed and I really was, Jenny, but then word trickled down and I thought it might be in my best interest to stick around a little longer. Jen: Well then, why don't I clearify things for you. Just because Dawson and I are on hiatus doesn't mean there's some vacancy I'm looking to fill. Billy:Let's just say there happened to be this guy. Some guy you had an intense connection with. Then I might think you'd be open to the possibility. Jen: I'd have to say no. But I'd also like to add: not a chance and never again. Billy: You used to be fun, you know that. Jen: No, I used to be weak and vulnerable. Billy: Yeah, well next time you alter your personality, let me know in advance. It'll save me in gas money. (Billy exits through the window) (Billy is sitting outside on the hood of his car eating an apple. Dawson walks by on his way to class) Dawson: You know, I'm beginning to doubt your sincerity when you tell me you're leaving. Billy: (getting off his car) Hey, just the man I was looking for. Dawson:What can I provide you with this time, Billy? A place to stay? Or just another chance to completely screw up my life? Billy: You know, despite outword appearances, you and I actually have a lot in common. Dawson: Right. Both got our hearts broken by the same girl. But you know what? Jen didn't flee the state to get away from me. Billy: Give her time. (Dawson starts walking away from Billy) Billy: Man, if I lived 50 yards away from her, I swear to you, I'd go insane. (Dawson stops to listen to Billy) Billy: Stare up at her window wondering what she's doing. She's talking on the phone, who is she talking to? And if she's listening to music, who do those songs remind her of? Does she still think about me? Dawson: And does she think about me as half as much as I think of her. Billy: See what I mean. Common ground. But the good news is there's a simple cure for all of this. (Dawson walks back to Billy to hear more) Dawson: Yeah? Billy: Yeah. Don't get me wrong. Jen is a great girl. But last time I checked, she wasn't the only one. What? Are you unconvinced? Look, take a little ride with me. Let me illustrate my point. Dawson: Take a ride where? Billy: Providence. There's this club there. It's a bit of a dive but absolutely remarkable in one respect. It lies exactly equi-distant between a pair of women's colleges. Co-eds wall-to-wall, Dawson. Dawson: Can I get in? I'm not exactly legal. Billy: I know the bouncer. Dawson: Of course, there's school. Billy: And what's waiting for you there? Another day wondering about Jenny? Where she is? When you'll see her next? What football player she's having lunch with? Dawson: You made your point. And you know what? You're right. This is exactly what I need. To get away from her. To get away from here. You know what, she's going to freak when I'm not there. It'll be good to let her wonder about me for awhile. (Billy and Dawson drive off together) (Joey is walking down the middle of the street to school. Warren Gerry is driving along in his jeep. He continues driving even as they talk) Warren: Hey, Warren Gerry. I'm on my way to school. You need a lift? Joey: Ah, no thanks. I'm waiting for Ted Bundy. Warren: Well, Ted's a lucky man. Joey: Ted Bundy is dad. He was a serial-- Warren: kller. Yeah, I know. excuted in Florida, claimed prn made him do it. So come on, what do you say? I need the merit badge. Joey: And which badge is that? Warren: Community Service. I'm going to say you were 80 and blind. Joey: Well, I'm sure you'll be an Eagle Scout by the end of the day. Warren: Exactly. So what do you say? C'mon, help me out here. (Joey relents and she gets in the car with him. They are soon driving to school together) Warren: So is the air cold or are you just happy to see me? Joey: You had to go and do it. You had to invoke my participation. Does it bother you that you singlehandly participated the stereotype? Warren:Which answer means we can get friendly down in the sand together? Joey: You know. if having sex ruined it, and famine didn't even work, and kissing you would bring out a new AIDs enlightenment, then I'd Warren: You know something? You talk a lot. So what? That's all you and your boyfriend(Joey looks at him) Dawson, and I use the term loosely, do? Talk? Joey: You don't need to use the term at all, Warren. Dawson is not my boyfriend. Warren: Well, the boy part I was reffering to. (Joey looks at him strangely) Warren: What? You ever seen the guy throw a baseball? Joey: Believe it or not, there's no correlation between a slide and a sperm count. Warren: How would you know? I mean, you're obviously a virgin. Joey: How do you know that Dawson and I haven't been going at it for years? I mean, we could be imitating the Kuma Sutra for all you know. Warren: Oh. Joey: You know, I might be a virgin, but believe me, it's by choice. (Joey and Warren continue driving to school) (Dawson and Billy are in the hallway of the school. Dawson spots Pacey and starts to go over to him) Dawson: You could have waited in the car. Billy: Don't worry, I won't tell anyone we're together. Pacey:(as Billy leaves them)Hey, what's he up to? Dawson: We're cutting out of here. We're going up to a club in Providence. Pacey: Finally! Dawson's evil twin. This is going to be a much anticipated pleasure. (Pacey shuts his locker preparing to go with Dawson) Dawson: What are you doing? Pacey: You're cutting class to go to a nightclub, you're asking what I'm doing. I'm coming with you,man. I wouldn't miss this for the world. Dawson: Billy. Billy: Hey. Great so we're ready to go? Dawson: Yeah. I'm going to go turn in my math homework and we're out of here. (Dawson rushes off) Pacey: Yeah. Walk on the wild side. (Joey and Jen are walking towards their lockers with each other) Jen: (to Joey)Listen, I heard something this morning that I thought you should. (Jen spots Billy by her locker) Jen: At the risk of sounding redundant, what the hell are you doing here? Billy: The boys just have to wrap up some things before we left. (to Joey) Good morning. Jen:What are you talking about? Billy: I'm taking Pacey and your boy here on a little road trip. Funny, but in the midst of all the confusion, Dawson and I actually stumbled upon some common ground. Jen: I don't think I like the sound of this, Billy. The last thing Dawson needs is to be pulled down by you. Billy:I swear to you, Dawson was simply complaining how a guy can't seem to get any around here. So, I told him about this little place I know. Joey: What kind of place? Billy: Let's just say that women take cash and are remarkably friendly. Joey: You're taking him to a whore house? Billy:(spying Dawson) Oh, there's his holiness now. Well girls, gotta run. I see Saint Dawson is chumping at the bits to get some. Joey: I think I'm going to go barf. (They leave the girls) Billy: Excuse me (pulling Pacey with him) Pacey: We're not really going to go.. Billy:No. I was just kidding around. Pacey: Oh? Billy:Cheer up, stud. (Jen and Joey are back at their lockers talking) Joey: God. Jen:You know, I've never really had a whole lot of faith in guys. But I. I thought Dawson was different. Joey: Yeah, he's different. Unfortunately, he's just not as different as we thought. Jen: No. Listen,ah, Joey, you know that football player Warren. Joey: What? Jen: You didn't sleep with him, did you? Joey: Yeah, I had sex with Warren Gerry. Right after I gave a sponge bath to the Navy pilots. Why would you even ask me that? Jen: He's telling everyone you did. (Jen and Joey are left standing in the hall as the bell rings signaling class) (Dawson, Billy and Pacey are on the ferry to get to Rhode Island. Billy is down below the deck and Pacey and Dawson are talking by the rails.) Billy: I'm going to go downstairs and get a drink. Dawson: Alright. We'll be right here. Pacey: Alright, one more time. Dawson,you're not the type of guy who does something bad just because it feels good. Dawson:Oh, there's a oxymoron to live by. Pacey: What? You want examples of this? Alright, what's the first thing, the very first thing you did after announcing this little roadtrip of ours? Remember? You know exactly what it was, don't you? You turned in your Math homework. Man, hey, those are not exactly the actions of a rebel. But there's nothing wrong with that. You just cared about what people think about you. You're that nice Leery boy, man. You like being the nice Leery boy. Dawson: Oh yeah, and you're any different? Pacey:Hey.Please. Just, you know, talk to the school board and take a glance at my permanent records. There's not comparision between you and I, Dawson. Everybody knows you're a regular Richie Cunningham. Billy, he's the Fonz. Dawson: Congratulations. That makes you Potsie. (The school lunchroom. Jen is sitting at a table with some people. Joey walks up to Warren who's sitting with his football friends) Joey: We need to talk. Warren: She needs to talk (Warren gets up from his table and follows her to a corner of the room) Joey: It wasn't very memorable, Warren. Warren: What? Joey: The sex. In fact, I can't seem to remember it at all. Why don't you refresh my memory? Warren: It was actually pretty good. Although you did eventually complain of fatigue. Joey: What is going on in that twisted head of yours? Warren: Look, this could be a win-win. Joey: Explain. Warren: Our reps. Okay, I've got one to live up to; you have one to live down. Joey: What? And people thinking we're doing the deed is going to help my precious reputation? Warren: Well, you know how in baseball, there are major and minor leagues? Joey: Yeah. Warren: Well, think of this as your call up to the show. No more shying in flyballs with washouts and wannabes. Joey: You are such a bastard. If you're the major leagues, well, then I hope I never get out of the A-ball. Warren: (loud enough for everyone to hear)Hey look, I never said that I would be your boyfriend. (Everyone looks at them. Joey storms off upset and Jen follows to make sure she's okay) (Jen finds Joey hunched on the stairs in the hallway. Jen stands at the foot of the stairs leaning against the wall) Jen: I never believed it. Joey: You sure? That's why you asked. Jen: I only asked because I was concerned, Joey. But I would have bet anything against it. Besides. Joey: Besides what? Jen: Nevermind. I guess I've always just pictured you with someone different. Someone. You know, just another lifeform. Joey: Walking upright Jen: Yeah. Opposible thumb. The whole bit. And maybe someone just a tad more sensitive than Warren. Joey: Yeah, well, in my experiences, even the sensitive ones can let you down with the best of them. Jen: You know, Joey,maybe Dawson is. Joey: Look, I didn't say a thing about Dawson. And as far as Warren and his pathetic fantasies go,you know, what harm can a guy do? I mean,being called a football groupie could describe half the girls in this school. Jen: Joey: I may be overstepping my boundaries here, but, ah, I think I know a way to get Warren back. Joey: What? You know how to make a voodoo doll or something? Jen: No, I'm serious. You know, guys like Warren have been getting away with this kind of stuff way too long. So, what do you say Joey? Are you interested in a little payback? Joey: Alright, I'm listening. (Dawson,Pacey and Billy are still on the ferry to Rhode Island) Pacey: Alright. You know how when cartoon characters are trying to make a decision and the good angel pops up on one shoulder and you get the little devil on the other. Dawson: Yeah. Pacey:Well, I don't have a good angel, Dawson. I have you. Dawson: I'm not interested in a gig. It doesn't work for me anymore. Billy: I swear to God, you two sound like my parents. Hang tight. I'm going to go see what the deliverance time is. (Billy leaves them) Pacey: You know what? Need I remind you again of the ill- fated toilet papering of Coach Rollin's house? Dawson: Here you go again equitating fun with youthful indescetions. Pacey: Youthful indescrestions? What am I running for the Senate? Okay, granted, Dawson, for the high minded conversation, you're the man.Generally speaking, you're better at verbatim than actual verbs. Dawson: Verbs? Pacey:Yeah, action words. Rebel, House,Party. Dawson:Okay, when did party become a action word? Pacey: The year that you and I became into high school, Dawson.Okay, you're just going to have to trust me on this on. Sometimes, friendship means taking part in stupid stuff. No judgement. No questions asked. And no deconstruction of the event. Dawson: You don't think I'm capable of that? Pacey: Let's just say that I've seen no evidence to the contrary. (Billy joins them) Billy: I don't like those guys down there(they all look at the two guys down below) Dawson: Why's that? Billy: They're harassing everyone from the seagulls to the senior citizens. Well, it's really not my idea of fun. Pacey: Well, what do you say that we give them some instant karma. Huh? Maybe uh, an iron on the tailpipe. Billy: I was thinking maybe we could just slash their tires or something. Dawson: Oh,that's imaginative. Billy: You got a better idea? Dawson: Yeah, I do. Pacey: Oh yeah, I can't wait to see this. Dawson: Good angel this, Pacey. You guys ever see American Grafitti? (Joey is in a room copying something from a book when Abby walks by. Abby stops by and begins talking to Joey) Abby: Well, well, well. If it isn't Mrs Warren Gerry. Joey: So you know? Abby: Well it is news and this is high school. (Joey turns away from the copier, puts her hand through her hair and starts crying putting on a show for Abby) Joey: He swore he wouldn't tell, Abby. He told me he loved me. Abby: Hundred Thousand pyramid. Things guys say in the backseat. Joey: Well you can add, you don't need protection to that list. Abby: What? Joey: I am so stupid. Abby: Wait. What are you saying? Joey: Well he started off, you know just calling all the time, he was so sweet, and one time he won me this stuffed frog at Coney Island and brought it back for me. The first time we made love, he cried. Abby: Warren Gerry? Joey: That was before the pee strip turned blue. Abby: Blue? Oh my God. (Abby shuts the door) Do you know what that means? Joey: Yes I do. Abby: You're pregnant. Joey: I know. Abby: Does Warren know? Joey: He told all his friends that it was my problem. And mine only. Abby: Oh, that little puke. Sorry puke. (Abby leaves and Joey, smiling, goes back to her copying of her book. Warren is later seen at his locker quickly trying to stuff his backpack with the baby stuff left inside.) Billy, Dawson, and Pacey are still on the ferry. Dawson is going under the "mean" people's car and hooking it up to Billy's tailgate. Dawson then gets into the car with Pacey and Billy and waits for the ferry to dock. The ferry docks and the boys take offnot only with themselves but with the bumper of the "mean" people's car. Dawson: Now!Dude! Now! Pacey and Dawson:W0oooooo Yeah. Woooooooooooo. Dawson, Pacey and Billy are at the bar. Pacey is playing pool while Dawson and Billy are just standing around nearby Billy: Alright, D man. You got your companion picked out for the evening yet? Dawson: Wh. What? Already? Billy: Yes. Pacey: No, sh*t some pool. Billy: You've got to stay on top of these things. I bet Pacey isn't letting pool get in the way of business. Now,come on, take your pick. Billy starts pointing out girls to Dawson The blonde at the bar? tnk standing at the jukebox? Leather pants at phoosh ball? (Pacey sh*t the ball across the pool table) Pacey: Rack em. Billy: Alright, so what's the deal? (Joey is in the library helping Mrs. Tringle and other students with College Night) Mrs.Tringle: Alright everyone, can I have your attention, please? I just want to thank you all for helping me prepare for tonight's College Fair. And I'll see you all back here in a couple of hours. (The students start leaving) Mrs. Tringle: Joey? Can I have a word with you, please? Joey: Sure. (Joey follows Mrs. Tringle to one of the tables in the library) Mrs. Tringle: Joey, in a school this size, it's difficult to keep any secrets. Joey: Yeah, tell me about it. Mrs. Tringle: And girls your age, often make mistakes. Joey: Yeah, well, boys have been known to make mistakes themselves. Mrs. Tringle: True. But the price they pay seems to be so much less. You're going to be going through some tough times ahead and I want to make sure you're prepared. Joey: Excuse me? Mrs. Tringle: The Family Living course here offers some valuable preparation. Joey: Wait,isn't that the class where they make you carry around a sack of flour and pretend it's a baby? Mrs. Tringle: That's only part of it. I know the task you face seems managable now but child rearing is filled with trials and tribulations. Joey: You know what? Let me get back to you on that one. (Joey gets up from the table and exits quickly) (Dawson and Billy are standing at the bar) Billy:Notice how Pacey had his eye on all the pretty girls.The man knows it's all about numbers. Dawson: Numbers? Billy: You don't waste time. You'll know in fifteen seconds whether a woman wants to spend the night with you or if the answer's no,you bail. Dawson: You can't just Billy:There's plenty more where that came from. But that's why you asked.You've got to seal, deal and pull the trigger. Pacey: (seeing a pretty woman) Hello, wish me luck boys, Here I go. ( Pacey takes off from the bar in hopes of talking to the woman he saw) Billy: So, who's it going to be, buddy? Time's a wasting and you don't got all night. (Dawson looks around the bar and sees a older woman sitting down at a table wearing a shirt that reads "Film thrat". He goes over to her and taps her on the shoulder) Dawson: Hi. My, my name is Dawson. Nina:( turns and looks at him) Oh, you're Dawson. Wow, yeah, alright. Good to know. ( turns back around with her back to him) ( Pacey, meanwhile, has made his way over to an attractive young woman.) Pacey:Hey there. I'm the drummer for Pearl Jam. You? Young Woman: You're dumber than who? (Pacey takes off back to the bar to stand next to Billy. Dawson still won't give up on the Older Woman he's just met.) Dawson: I just want to let you know that I completely understand the obsertity of this moment. Look I, I, actually thought about sending over a drink, or saying something clever, what's your sign. I just figured that direct would be the best approach, ie, my name is Dawson. Not that my name of itself should impress you but in the hopes that you might respond and tell me your name. Nina: Did it occur to you that maybe I'm just not interested? Dawson: Ahh,no. Blind optimism is one of my faults. Nina: One of your faults? You have many? Dawson: Let's see, there's my reckless taste of disregard for danger, my tiredism romanticism, and of course, there's the way I keep on talking even when the person I'm trying to impress has lost all hope. Nina: My name is Nina. And if you ask me where Pinta and Santa Maria are, I'll be so out of here. ( Pacey and Billy are at the bar talking about Pacey striking out.) Billy:So you find that someone special? Pacey: I did. She didn't. ( looks over and sees Dawson talking to Nina) Damn, check out Dawson, that girl's fine. (Dawson and Nina are sitting at a table talking) Nina: There's lots of women in this place. Why me? Did you notice my inner light or was it something a little more offbase? Dawson:( laughing) Actually it was your shirt. Nina: Really? This thing? And not even any cleavage. So, what are you, Dawson, some sort of film buff? (Jen is sitting in her kitchen picking through her dinner. Joey knocks on the window) Jen: Ah, come on in. (Joey goes around to the back door and enters) Jen: So, how's my favorite mother to be? Joey: Actually, not so good. Look, I just came over here to tell you that I think we should call this whole thing off. Jen: What? Why? Joey: This is too much. I mean, I don't like to be in the middle of everything. Mrs. Tingle wants me to sign up for that Mommy and Me class. Yeah and Sherman Williams, that Adventist, offered to marry me today. But that's nothing compared to what they are doing to Warren. Jen: Oh, wait a minute. You and I both know that guy deserves everything that's coming to him. Joey: I guess. I don't know. Jen: Joey. That guy treated you with no respect. Alright. That hurts, I know. Joey: Oh, so that's what this is all about. Jen: What? What do you mean? Joey: You don't care about me. You're just looking for some convenient revenge scenerio to dump all your recedual male anger. Is that what Dawson was for you? Just some patsy to take a fall for all the guys who treated you bad? Jen: Don't Joey. Alright, don't. Don't turn this into a Dawson thing. Joey: You know, the real question was why I listened to you in the first place. I mean, Dawson was probably the first decent guy you ever gone out with and look what you did. You drove him right into the arms of a prosttute. Jen: Joey, you took that one way too far. You want to know the truth? Okay, the truth is that ever since Dawson and I broke up, you've been scared to death. Joey: Oh, please. Jen: You've been scared because now there's no more excuses. There's no one else to blame. And now, when Dawson treats you like good 'ole understanding Joey, just one of the guys Joey. I'm not going to be around for you to hate. And that is how he will treat you. (Joey storms out of Jen's house) (Dawson and Nina are talking in the bar) Nina: (talking to Dawson about Speilberg) Talk about movie directors. I can't believe you're a Speilberg fan. That guy makes slick fairy tales. Dawson : Movies by nature are escape flicks. If you want reality, look out the window. Nina: Ah, that's a Loch Ness. Dawson: His movies make like billion dollars at the box office. Older Woman: I can't believe you're blaming mainstream popularity to artistic merit. Methodology, then shouldn't we be studying Ace Ventura Dawson: You're in film school? (Billy comes over to Dawson and Nina) Billy: Ah, Dawson, I've got that chocolate milk you ordered at the bar, there. (Billy looks over at Nina) And what is your name, beautiful? Nina: Nina. Billy: You can call me Columbus. Nina: You know what, Dawson. This place is really getting crowded. What do you say that we get out of here? Dawson: Yeah. (Nina and Dawson get up from their chairs and leave) (Dawson and Nina are walking to her car) Dawson: So, thank you for back there. Billy, he's kind of a jerk, sometimes. He thinks he's, you know. It's cold here, a little chilly. He's from New York. Billy is. He's not the one that brought me here. Film school. Nina: Dawson, are we doing something you don't want to do? Because you're giving a pretty convincing Rain Man. Look, all we're doing is walking to my car. Dawson: And after that? Nina: Well after that, I'm going home. You're the first person who's treated me right. I'm not in the habit of being the sexual facilitator. Dawson: It's not like that. Nina: Come on, I saw your friend over your shoulder. They did everything but hold up score cards. Dawson: Maybe, Maybe it is something like that. I just got dumped. Nina: Now it snaps into place. Dawson: My friends thought the best way to get over her was Nina: To nail a stranger. Dawson: Yeah Nina: I guessed. It's not exactly hard. Dawson: Sorry. But it did quit being about that. I spent an hour talking to you and I forgot all about it, about her. And for the first time in three days, I don't feel so bad. Nina:So, umm, would it impress your friends if you didn't leave here until morning? Dawson: I think they'd wreck a statue. Nina: Hey, tell you what, why don't you come over. Fall asleep watching tv. I mean, you're a Speilberg fan. It's not like I'm in any danger, right? Hurry up, come on before I start listening to that little voice inside my head telling me I should card you. Dawson: That girl I told you about? I still sort of want her back. Maybe I'm just being really crazy here. I just don't think it would be right. Nina:I can't decide if I'm offended or if you just restored my faith in the male sex. ( Dawson leans over and kisses Nina. Nina walks over to her car saying good-bye to Dawson) Nina: Call me if she doesn't come to her senses. (Nina gets in her car and drives off. Dawson walks back inside to his friends) (The school's College Night. Jen is watching Joey who's on the other side of the room. Abby enters and goes up to Jen) Abby: Imagining what she'll look like with a bowling ball in her uterus? Well, don't bother. Jen: What do you mean? I thought she was. Abby: No, she isn't. That girl's comic relief. Speaking of which, Warren Gerry was called into the nurse's office this afternoon for a lecture on contraception. Jen: Well, good. He could use it. Abby: You don't get it. Warren is the last person who needs that lecture. What you heard was a lie made up by a pathetic hm* trying to land a popular boyfriend. Besides, Warren couldn't fertilize a garden. Jen: What do you mean? Abby: I had a chat with my friend Elyse today. She used to date Warren. She dated him for six months. She used to bake him spirit cookies before every game. She bought a four hundred dollar dress for a dance he failed to show up for. Jen: Okay and your point is? Abby:According to Elyse, Warren had one other significant failure as a boyfriend. Let's just say that he has a soft spot for the ladies in a very unfortunate location. (Jen realizes what Abby is saying and goes over and tells Joey. They both start laughing) (Pacey and Billy are in the bar drinking their drinks. Dawson enters and goes over to them) Billy: Hey, man. What are you doing back here? You couldn't pull the trigger. Dawson: I guess not. Billy: You had her pratically begging for you. Listen, Dawson, for future reference, getting lucky comes down to a simple Beatles/Stones question. Dawson: What? Billy: Do you want to hold her hand or do you want to spend the night with her? Many women say they're looking for a Beatle, but trust me, they're looking for something a little more tangible. Dawson: Ah, thanks.I'll keep that in mind. Pacey: You know what guys, maybe we should get out of here. Billy: Ah, you know, it's funny watching you with this girl. So it makes sense the way you blew it with Jenny. Dawson: I don't get you. You came into town to break me and Jen up. Mission accomplished. Are you pouting now, because some things didn't go according to plan. Billy: What? Dawson:You don't think I don't know that you wanted me to get lucky tonight. So you can go whisper in Jen's ear, convince her that all men are dogs and assume that she'd seek your comfort. Billy: For all that wisdom, you sure bit hard Dawson: Hard enough to know that it's not my style. Man, it's yours. In fact, your style is pathetic. You know, if you really had Jen's best interest at heart, you'd stay away from her. Billy: Do you know these are the exact same words her dad used when he told me he sent her away? Do you think it's funny that you sound like her dad? I do. Dawson: It's better than sounding like her loser ex boyfriend. Billy: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way, Dawson. And since you two cool guys probably wouldn't want a loser like me hanging around,I tell you what, have a fun time home boys. (Billy takes out his wallet and puts some money on the table for them before he leaves) Pacey: You think you could maybe have waited until we were back in Capeside to throw out that last comment, Dawson? (Pacey and Dawson just sit in the bar thinking about what just happened with Billy) (Joey is sitting on the steps near Warren's locker. He enters and comes over to her) Joey: Hey, lover boy, spare a minute? Warren: You know, it's been a really long day. Joey: Oh, my heart bleeds for you. Warren: Look, I know you're not the girl for me but ah, here's an idea. One way to get rid of a lie is to make it the truth. So maybe you and me Joey: You know, I'm afraid I'd be getting myself worked up for something that is quite the anti-climax. Warren: What? Joey: You're a loser, Warren. And frankly, you've been banned. Warren: So what is this? Some sort of hm thrat? Joey: No. Just a reminder that if one person says something, it's a rumor, two people, well, it's gospel. But you're probably not planning on dating anyone ever again, so.. Warren: Alright. What do you want? Joey: Complete and utter denial. Warren: Fine. Just so you know, the reason I picked you up this morning was, I thought it would be nice. You know, just.Saturday night, I have plans but they're breakable. What do you say? In public, official, groping optional, date? Joey: Yeah. Sure, uh, yeah. Ah, just pick me up after my limbotomy. (Joey leaves Warren standing in the hallway) (Dawson and Pacey sitting on a bench in the rain) Pacey: So, you wanted to get out of Capeside to get Jen off of your mind. Did it work? Dawson: No. Although it did for awhile. (Dawson and Pacey sit on the bench for a few seconds until Pacey speaks up) Pacey: Alright, am I going to have to wait all night or are you going to tell me what happened outside the club with that woman. Dawson: Nothing happened. I just walked her to her car. That's it. Nothing happened, alright? Trust me. Pacey: So you're just wearing that lipstick for a fashion statement, right? (Dawson blushes and Pacey laughs at Dawson's embarassment) (Jen is sitting on the porch of her house reading a book by candlelight. Joey walks up to Jen's door and knocks. Jen looks up from her book and sees Joey) Jen: Hey Joey: Look, I'm having a ice cream anti-social. Want to join me? Jen: Yeah. (puts her book down onto the table nearby) Yeah, sure. (Joey walks over, carrying the bag of ice cream, to where Jen is sitting and sits down next to her) Joey: The Warren Gerry information is profusing. Jen: Rumor has it, that his public trash is already making the rounds. Joey: Well, it is news and this is high school. Jen: (noticing the flavor of the ice cream that Joey has brought over) Yumm, cookie dough. (pauses) So, so what do you think, Joey, is there any way we can keep Dawson from coming in between us? Joey: Yeah..sure. He's only in love with one of us. Jen: You're right. (pauses) must be, oh, a lot easier than being the object of his infactuation. (pauses) Although I doubt after today, either of us will be vying for his affections. Joey: I know what you mean. I mean, just picturing Dawson, just so male, it's just. I don't know. It's made me nausous all day. (pauses thinking about what she's just said) You think he's already? Jen: (close-up of Jen staring at her ice cream, thinking) Ummm. (Joey is sitting in the chair next to his bed when Dawson enters. He goes over to his closet, takes off his sweatshirt, and shoes) Joey: So, you get everything you went there for? Dawson: Oh yeah, non-stop sex machine, Joey. You know me. Dawson: (rubbing her head on the way to his bed) How was your day? Joey: Ah, walked around Capeside, starting fullback, got knocked up. Dawson: Oh, that's nice Joey: So, was it all good clean fun, Dawson? Dawson: (laying on his bed) Oh, not exactly. Joey: Tell me about it. Dawson: I will. There is so much* I want to tell you, but I am so tired right now. I haven't slept in 24 hours. Joey: You know what, I can wait. It's okay. Dawson: Hey, for a while tonight, nothing reminded me of Jen. It was like looking at the world without blinded eyes. (Dawson rolls over and starts to fall asleep.) Joey: (to herself) Yeah, I can wait. (Joey leans over and pulls the covers over Dawson for him and sits back in the chair watching him fall asleep) (END)	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x08 - In The Company of Men"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 109 "MODERN ROMANCE" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Kaite Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Original Airdate: April 28, 1998 (Dawson's room. Dawson is pacing back and forth by his closet while Joey is sitting on Dawson's bed reading a magazine.) Dawson: Do you realize it's been nearly two weeks since Jen and I broke up and not once has she made an effort to get together? Spend some time, I mean, go to the movies. I...you think that's odd? It seems a little odd to me. Joey: Dawson, you are aware that she broke up with you, right? Dawson: Of course I am. It's just there's a certain way to handle these things, you know. I thought Jen would hold us up to it. (Dawson lays down on his bed next to Joey.) Joey: Look, Dawson. You don't sound like a guy who's disappointed in Jen's break-up etiquette. You sound like a guy who can't face the reality that it's over. Joey gets up from the bed and stands in front of Dawson. You know, not to sound harsh but you can't live in the past. You have to start preparing for life after Jen. (Joey leans over and Dawson sits up.) Dawson: Something tells me Joey has a theory. Joey: Okay. There are three main ideas to focus on. First-public perception. Dawson: Such as? Joey: Well, from now until the end of the semester, you'll be known as the guy Jen dropped. Most girls will view you as tainted goods and of course, there will be the few who'll feel incredibly sorry for you and offer a certain kind of sympathy. My advice- avoid them. Dawson: That's easy enough. What's next? Joey: Other guys. Dawson: Other guys? Joey: Look, Dawson, you have to be prepared for the possibility that Jen will begin dating again and seeing her around school with her new boyfriend, watching her from this very window as she pauses coyly at her garden gate, accepts a good night kiss from a guy you feel is physically and intelligently superior to in every way and you can't possibly.. Dawson: Okay, Joey. I...um...get the premise. What's the third thing? Joey: You and Jen Dawson: Me and Jen? Joey: Yeah. The inevitable conversation, which frankly, I'm surprised you haven't had yet. You know, she'll ask if you think the two of you can be friends again, because she'd really like that if you could and you say? (Joey looks at Dawson who isn't really paying attention to her anymore.) Joey: Come on, Dawson. You have to have an answer. You say? Dawson: I don't know. I want to be her friend. But then again, I don't. I mean, how could you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them, all you think about is how much more you really want them. (Dawson stands up and looks at Joey. This time it's Joey who's a little distant.) Joey: Well, you know, I'm no expert at this, Dawson....but I think it can be done. (The Leery house. Mitch is sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper and drinking a cup of coffee. Gail is standing next to the counter drinking her coffee. The phone rings and Mitch picks up the cordless.) Mitch: Hello?... Yeah, hold on. She's right here. (He puts his hand over the receiver and signals to Gail.) Gail? (Gail walks over and takes the phone from Mitch.) Gail: Hello. This is Gail... You know, this is probably not a good time... Yes. Why don't we talk about this in the office?...Yes... Okay... Good-bye. (She hangs up.) Mitch: Was that Calvin? I wish I had known. I haven't talked to him in a long time. Gail: No, it wasn't Calvin. Mitch: No? The voice sounded familiar. Who was it? Gail: It was work related. It isn't what you think of us. Mitch: He has the nerve to call here? Gail: He had a simple question. Mitch: Oh. Well, you can tell Bob that the next time he calls here, the next time he interrupts my breakfast to call my wife, that the only simple question he'll need an answer for is 'do you have health insurance?' Gail: It doesn't mean anything. You don't have to be angry with him. Mitch: That's wonderful. No greater way to start the day than hearing my wife defend an innocent motivation of her former lover. You know what Gail? You're right. I'm angry. It just doesn't happen to be at Bob. (Mitch leaves the room.) Gail: Mitch? Mitch? Mitchell! (Cut to Capeside High. Dawson comes down the stairs and walks by the lockers. Jen sees him and stops to talk to him.) Jen: Dawson? Dawson: Hi...Jen. Jen: Hi. How are you doing? Dawson: Great. Great. You? Jen: Great. Uh, Dawson. Uh. Look I know...I know that, uh, sometimes after a breakup, well, there's that awkward period where, you know, where two people who used to have so much to say to each other suddenly find their conversations reduced to the merest of small talk. Dawson: So, what are you saying? Jen: I'm saying what somebody always says. And what somebody else never wants to hear. But...But you think it's possible in some inconceivable way we could still be friends, Dawson? (Cut to the Biology class. Dawson and Pacey are seated at a lab table before class begins.) Pacey: So she asked you to be her friend. What did you say? Dawson: I didn't say anything, really. I just kind of stared at her then I told her I needed time to think about it. Pacey: That's okay, Dawson. You still got some work to do here but I think we can salvage this. Dawson: What are you talking about? Pacey: Well, uh, just between you and me. There is no way of hope you simply want to be Jen's friend. You're still carrying around this huge torch for her that has no hope of extinguishing itself anytime too soon. Correct? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: The last person who needs to know about this external flame is Jen. What serves your purpose here is to let her know that you're completely over her, okay? It's yesterday's news, that's the quickest way to the ultimate goal of getting Jen back. Dawson: How do I do that? (Mary Beth walks over to them.) Mary Beth: Hey, Dawson. Dawson: Hey, Mary Beth. Mary Beth: So, I hear we're getting out midterms back today. Dawson: Yeah? Can't wait. (Mary Beth leaves to sit down.) Pacey: Now. Upgrading Jen to girlfriend status. It's really a two part attck. The first thing you got to do is let her know that you're completely cool with the idea of being her friend. Okay? The quicker you can fake some sort of indifference, the less special she's going to feel. And the less special she feels, the more she's going to crave that very special feeling that comes from being Dawson Leery's girlfriend. Okay. A feeling that's not included in the friends package. (The bell rings to begin class.) Dawson: So, What's the second thing? Pacey: Slow down, my friend. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. (Dr. Ram, the biology teacher enters the room.) Dr. Ram: Okay. The rumor is true. You will be getting your midterm exams back today. Good news is, most of you did very well. Before I hand them back, I'd like to see the following people after class. Those people are...(he flips through the test papers in his hand)...Pacey Witter. Well, I guess that's it. (Cut to after class. Pacey is still at his lab desk looking over his test while Mr. Ram is standing at the front of the classroom.) Dr. Ram: Look, Pacey. I know you're a bright kid. You know what I did the first thing after I finished grading your exam? Pacey: Stopped laughing? Dr. Ram: I went to the guidance office and looked at your standardized test scores. You have an aptitude for this stuff, Pacey. So when a student who's really bright makes a 32 on a midterm, you know who's fault that is? Pacey: Yours? Dr. Ram: Of course not. It's entirely yours. Look, maybe Marine Biology is not your thing. Alright. Fine. I'm not offended but I'm going to make you an offer that I highly recommend you accept. I want you to complete an extra credit project for me. Show me you understand everything we're learning here and I'll pass you. By the skin of your teeth. Pacey: Yeah? Sure. What do I have to do? Dr. Ram: Well, first, wait for a student from my sixth period class to arrive. Pacey: Great. Another rocket scientist I presume? Dr. Ram: And then I'm going to assign a project that the two of you will work on after school and on free periods. Joey: Hi, Dr. Ram. (Joey sees Pacey in the room.) Oh. Um, I can come back if you need some time. Dr. Ram: No, No, you're right on schedule. Joey, I'd like you to meet your new lab partner. Joey: Him? Pacey: Her? Dr. Ram, I'd like to log a formal protest. You never told me I was going to be working with a repressed control freak. Joey: Yeah, and you never said my grade was dependent on helping some remedial underachiever. Dr. Ram: Well. Wonderful. I see no introductions are necessary. (Jen is at her locker when Dawson comes up to her.) Dawson: Jen? Hi. Jen: Hi. Dawson: Um, I'm a little embarrassed. You asked me a very simple question earlier and I really should have given you a very simple answer. Jen, I would love to be your friend. Jen: Really? Dawson: Absolutely. And to ease any of your remaining doubts, I'll prove it to you. Jen: Okay. Dawson: Okay. So, let's have a friendly conversation, how was your day? Jen: Not too bad. Yourself? Dawson: Excellent. Any exciting plans for the upcoming weekend? Jen: Look, Dawson. You know your friendship means a lot to me but maybe this isn't such a great idea. Dawson: Come on. We're friends now, okay? Whatever it is, I think I can take it. Jen: Okay. Okay, well then, in the name of friendship, however misguided, I have a date with Cliff this weekend. Uh, we're going to the carnival on Saturday. Dawson: Is that what you didn't want to tell me? (He laughs.) Quite frankly, I'm relieved. Jen: You're relieved? Dawson: The truth is I also have a date this weekend. And we're going to the carnival. Isn't that a coincidence? Jen: Yeah, it is. You know, if you want us to go someplace else, we can easily change our plans. Dawson: We shouldn't run away from these things. We should look at them as opportunities. Jen: Opportunities for what? Dawson: Um, a double date. Jen: Are you serious? Dawson: Of course I'm serious. What do you say? The four of us? Jen: Well I say, it's a little unexpected...um, but, hey if you're cool with it. Dawson: Completely. Yeah. Jen: Okay. Great. Dawson: Yeah. (Dawson walks away, hurt. The bell rings for the next class to begin.) (Cut to the cafeteria where Dawson and Pacey are getting their lunches.) Pacey: It's really not all that bad, Dawson. Remember how I told you about getting Jen back is a two step process? Dawson: Yeah? Pacey: Well this is the second part. Dawson: What? Humiliate myself at a amusement park? Pacey: No, man, dating other women. This is your chance to have Jen see you in action with other girls. Now, I admit, going on a double date with your ex is an kind of an advance move. However, if it works out, this could be exactly the thing you're looking for. Dawson: There's just one thing. Pacey: What's that? Dawson: My companion for Saturday is at this point fiction. Pacey: That's really not a problem. I admit, it's kind of short notice but there are a lot of young ladies who'd gave up their very uneventful plans for a date with Dawson Leery. Huh? Dawson: Yeah. Pacey: Besides, I think I have the perfect candidate right there. (Pacey gestures toward Mary Beth who is sitting alone, reading a book. Dawson picks up his lunch tray and walks over to her.) Dawson: Mary Beth? Mary Beth: (looking up from her book) Oh, hi, Dawson. Dawson: Mind if I join you? Mary Beth: Oh no, be my guest. (Dawson sets his tray down and sits down next to her.) Dawson: Look, maybe this is short notice and if it is, then I apologize, but I was wondering if you wanted to, sort of go out with me on Saturday? Mary Beth: Saturday? Like a date? Dawson: Yeah, of course. Is there something wrong? Mary Beth: No. Yeah. Well, yeah. it's just that, uh, I know that you just broke up with Jen. And well, I don't know the particulars of it all, I do know that it's a common mistake made by many people to begin to date before they're really ready. Dawson: I'm ready. Completely ready. I could not be more ready. Mary Beth: Honest? Dawson: Honest. (Cut to the biology class. Pacey and Joey are looking into an aquarium filled with snails.) Pacey: Boy, this is fascinating. Joey: I'm sorry there are no cartoons to make this interesting for you, Pacey. But it's not designed to be fascinating. It's designed to be educational. Pacey: Thank you, Dr. Swissler. You know, refresh my memory of why we're here again. Joey: We're observing the reproductive process of palominos snails. And Dr. Ram said that they reproduce more when they're happy so by varying the contents of the tnk, we can determine which factors are most conducive to reproduction. Pacey: Well, why didn't you just say that? We'll buy them a couple of drinks, turn off the light and come back in a couple of days. Joey: You never fail to disappoint me, Pacey. I mean, why did I actually think the very real prospects of repeating Marine Biology next summer might cause you to take this project seriously. Pacey: You mean, summer school? It will never happen. Only morons go to summer school. Joey: Yeah, well the last time I checked, your grade is still an F minus. So, about this extra credit project, Pacey. I'm very well certain that your grade will not only place you squarely along with the morons but you may very well be there with them. (Cut to Dawson's room. Dawson is at his desk looking at something under a magnifying glass. Mitch knocks on the door and enters.) Mitch: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Mitch: Sorry to interrupt but I was just wondering if uh, anyone had called that I should know about. Dawson: Uh, no. Mitch: What about yesterday? Any calls? Dawson: Come on. I always leave the messages or on the answering machine. Mitch: Forgive me, Dawson, but maybe I'm not being clear. I didn't ask if anyone had called for me personally. I asked you if anyone had called that I should know about. Dawson: No. He didn't call. Mitch: Oh well, then. Thank you, Dawson. (The next day. Joey and Pacey are in the biology classroom checking out the snails. Pacey has hands in the tnk as Joey watches with an upset expression on her face.) Joey: Pacey, it was your responsibility last night to check on these snails and now look at them. They're dad. Their shells are completely empty. Pacey: I know. I'm sorry. I really am. Joey: It's ridiculous. Yesterday, we had a science project and today, we have what? Two thirds of a charm bracelet? Look, I'm just going to tell Dr. Ram that this experiment within an experiment just isn't working out. Pacey: Hey, before you go running off to Dr. Ram, there is an explanation. There is. Alright, you know how you said this experiment was all about seeing what environment was best for these snails? Right? So, I did come in last night and I was watching the snails and watching the snails and there's nothing happening. So, I added some food, and I added some water and there still was nothing happening. So I thought maybe the problem wasn't the environment, maybe these snails just didn't like each other. Right? Maybe they needed to be loosen up a little. Joey: I told you yesterday that palominos snails are single sexed. They don't need anther organism to reproduce. Pacey: Right and I would have remembered that if I actually listened when you talked. But, I just thought that maybe snails are just like guys. You know, their ultimate fantasy is to be with two female snails at the same time. Maybe that was what was needed to get this project rolling. Joey: So, let me get this straight. You tried to create some kind of snail ménage-à-trois. Pacey: Well, it sounds kind of stupid when you say it out loud but I just saw this really pretty snail in the tnk over by the window and I don't know, but last night it just seemed really brilliant. Joey: Let me fill you in on something here. You know, this pretty little snail over here by the window is what you call a carnivorous snail. You know what carnivorous snails eat? Pacey: Other snails. Joey: Yeah. Other snails. Other snails such as our snails which are the snails we are desperately relying on to raise our marine biology grades. Pacey: Okay. I'm sorry. Okay? I know how important this project was for you. For us. Okay? Whatever I need to do, okay, however I can make this up to you, Joey. (Dawson and Joey are walking from the creek to her house, carrying nets.) Joey: I'm disappointed in you, Dawson. I mean, it's obvious that you're just using Mary Beth to make Jen jealous. Dawson: I know. You think I don't know that Joey? I'm filled with the guilt of the worst kind. The kind that prays upon an innocent young girl who has a crush on you and you convince to go out with you for my own personal gain. Joey: Well, if you know that, then don't do it. Just call her up and say you have to stay in to wash your hair or something. Dawson: I can't, Joey. It's just I know the person I thought I was could have some consideration for Mary Beth's feelings and cancel the date but I don't know. I just. I don't feel like myself lately. You know? Anyway, Pacey said that I should look at this as an opportunity. Joey: Wait a second. You're taking romantic advice from a guy who spent his evening trying to get three snails to sleep with each other? Dawson: When you put it that way.. Joey: Look Dawson, your little departure into jerkism is understandable, perhaps. but it isn't something you should be proud of. Just promise you won't make a habit of it? Dawson: Jo, I promise. Joey: Because, despite current evidence to the contrary, you're one of the good ones, Dawson. The other side is populated enough. Dawson: You know, all things considered, I really wish I was taking you with me today. Joey: Well, all things considered, I kind of wish you were too. (Pacey pulls up in his truck.) Pacey: (leaning out of truck's the window) Come on, Joey, let's get a move on. Joey: I see, my deviant lab partner has arrived. Pacey's graciously volunteered to transport me to the tidal pool so we can find a suitable replacement snails. See ya. (She gets into Pacey's truck.) (Dawson is waiting at the front entrance of the carnival. Mary Beth walks up to him and greets him.) Mary Beth: Dawson. Dawson: Mary Beth, Hi. Mary Beth: Hi. So it is too forward if I tell you that you look really nice? Dawson: No, it's not. Thanks. So do you. Mary Beth: Oh, no. You shouldn't feel obligated to say that. I mean...uh, I mean. I'm...ah. Let's just start over again. Hi, I'm Mary Beth. Dawson: Dawson. Cliff: Perfect. Looks like we're just in time for introductions, huh? Dawson: Yeah. Mary Beth, this is Jen Lindley and Cliff, her date. Jen: Hi, it's nice to meet you. Mary Beth: Uh, same here, I think. Um, Dawson, a word, please? Dawson: Uh, we'll catch up. (Dawson and Mary Beth walk away from Jen and Cliff) Mary Beth: This wasn't a freak coincidence, was it? Dawson: A word? No. Mary Beth: Look, maybe on our planet taking an ex-girlfriend on a double date is a good idea but where I come from, it's not. In fact, it's a lousy idea. Especially when you fail to inform your evening's companion. Dawson: Look, it's not what you think. Mary Beth: Before you tell me what you think, let me tell you. It's pretty obvious you're still hung up on her Dawson: Mary Beth Mary Beth: Please know that I'm often not wrong about these things. Dawson: Until now. Mary Beth: Humor me. Dawson: Here's the absolute truth. (Pacey and Joey are rowing down the creek) Pacey: I've often regarded patrolling for snails as one of the more under-rated ways to spend one's evening. Joey: You know, despite what you might think, it's not my first choice of spending my Saturday afternoon, either. But, then again, I wasn't the one who tried to turn an aquarium into a playhouse retreat, now was I? Pacey: You know, actually Joey, I'm really curious about something. I thought you were this great student, so uh, what happened to you on this midterm, huh? Joey: What do you mean what happened? Pacey: What grade did you get? Was it a massive failure like mine or was it one of those near misses? I'm dying to know. Joey: You know, we're almost there and we don't have a lot of time so let's just save the chit chat for later, OK? (Mary Beth and Dawson are still having their Œword.') Mary Beth: So, you're really doing this for Jen? Dawson: Exactly Mary Beth: Ah, it's one of her first dates with Cliff. She probably doesn't want to be alone with him so he doesn't really know if she likes him. So, in order to take the pressure off, she asks you to make it a double. God, Dawson, that is really very sweet of you. Dawson: Really, don't mention it. Mary Beth: I can imagine some of those guys even trying to sabotage their ex girlfriend's date. Dawson: Really? That's terrible. Mary Beth: Yeah, I know. So, anyway, what should we do now? (Dawson looks down and sees Jen and Cliff at a game booth.) Dawson: Um, I think I have an idea. (Cut to Joey and Pacey are along the banks.) Joey: Alright, Pacey, the water's getting pretty high, so we should probably... (she looks down to see their rowboat drifting away) Pacey! Pacey: What? Joey: Please tell me you tied our boat up and the one floating downstream is not ours. (Pacey follows Joey's gaze is and sees their rowboat floating away.) Pacey: I tied our boat up and the one floating downstream is not ours? Joey: Great. (Cut back to the carnival. Dawson, Mary Beth, Jen and Cliff are at the Bottle Throwing Booth. Cliff and Dawson are playing while Mary Beth and Jen are watching them) Cliff: (as he knocks the last bottle down and wins) Aw, tough luck, Dawson. Game Operator: And we got a winner. Cliff: Alright. Which one? Jen: Go ahead. You decide. I trust you. (Cliff looks at all the stuffed animals and finds one he likes) Cliff: Great. We'll take that one Game Operator: The cat for the little lady. Mary Beth: You know what? I think the Ferris wheel is working again, so...if anybody wants to take a ride? Dawson: (motioning to Cliff) Once more, you and me Cliff: What's that? Dawson: You heard me. Rack 'em. Cliff: Look, Dawson, there's no shame in losing here, alright? I mean, I did come in third in the pitch ht regionals last summer in Boston. So, if you don't want to. (Dawson throws the ball knocking down a few balls) Dawson: Your turn. (Cliff takes his turn and then Dawson does. Mary Beth and Jen turn to each other.) Dawson: (to Cliff) After you. (Cliff throws the ball and misses the last bottle) Cliff:.(just as Dawson is about to throw) Oh, and Dawson? No pressure now, alright? (Dawson hits his last bottle and wins the game) Dawson: YES! Game Operator: We got a winner here. So, my friend, who's the lucky lady? (Dawson takes the stuffed animal and turns towards Jen, then to Mary Beth, not sure what to do) Dawson: (to Mary Beth) Um, we need to talk. (Back to the creek. Pacey and Joey are wadding through the creek trying to get themselves back to Pacey's truck.) Pacey: Look, it's no big deal. The boat will wash ashore eventually. Joey: You know, believe it or not, the boat isn't my first concern. I should have known that what you did with our snails, that I wouldn't be far behind. I'm freezing. Pacey: Listen, it's just a little cold water, alright? You're going to survive. The prediction I make with all doom at this point. Joey: Clever. Speaking of survival, I thought creatures of our level went extinct a few years back. Pacey: You know, it's amazing. A personality like yours and you still can't get any dates. Joey: Even more amazing. A personality like yours and you can. (Pacey and Joey are at Pacey's truck. He grabs some blankets and hands one to Joey) Pacey: We'll get some dry clothes when we drive over to your house. But for right now, just change into this. Joey: (looking at the blanket) A blanket? You want me to change into a blanket? Pacey: Yeah. Take off your wet clothes, wrap this around you like I'm going to do. Joey: Wait a second. You want me to get naked? Pacey: Please! This is not for my enjoyment. It's so you don't get sick. But if you got your heart set on pneumonia, then feel free pause And no peeking. (They go to opposite sides of his truck and change.) Joey: Oh yeah, the thrill of seeing you in your birthday suit is really my idea of a thrill. Pacey: You know, a lot of people would consider you a very lucky woman. Joey: And many people would consider you a very delusional man. Pacey: Okay. All set over here. How are you doing? (Pacey starts heading towards Joey.) Joey: You take one more step in this direction and I can almost guarantee you a permanent disability. Pacey: Tell you what? Why don't I just start the car? Joey: Good idea. (Pacey gets in the driver's side of the car gets comfortable. He glances in the rear view mirror to catch a sight of Joey undressing. Joey gets into the truck about a minute later. She looks at Pacey who is staring at her.) Joey: What? Pacey: Nothing. Joey: What? What's that smile of yours? Is it because I look ridiculous? Pacey: No Joey: Or is it my misfortune that amuses you? Maybe it's simply you enjoy putting me in the most awkward situations and just watching me squirm, Pacey? Pacey: No, it's none of that. I was just. I was just thinking to myself that when you loosen up, you're not half bad to be around. Bordering on funny, even. Joey: Holy geez. Pacey: Yeah, just don't mention I said this. (Pacey starts the car heads back to Joey's place.) (Mary Beth is sitting on the hood of a car. Dawson sees her and walks over to her.) Dawson: Mary Beth. Mary Beth: Oh God, I'm so embarrassed. Good old Mary Beth, creating scenes wherever she goes. Dawson: Mary Beth, I'm the one who should be embarrassed. I owe you an explanation. This time, I owe you the truth. You have every right to be upset with me because everything you said before, everything I convinced you wasn't the truth. Well it was. You were right. I'm not over Jen. Not the other way around. And I'm on this date not to help her but to get her back, I mean. Mary Beth: Dawson? You're a nice guy. I like you. Do I like like you? No. You're a little too neurotic for that. Dawson: Okay. Well, why did you go out with me? Mary Beth: First, I felt sorry for you. I mean, it was clear you were still hung up on Jen. But I don't know, you seemed harmless enough and my Saturday wasn't exactly action packed. Dawson: Okay. So, if it wasn't my feelings for Jen that upset you, then what was it Mary Beth? Mary Beth: You ever notice the way's Cliff's eyes sort of smile when he talks to me? Dawson: Oh, God! You have a crush on Cliff? Mary Beth: It was at that moment that I fully processed he has absolutely no interest in me. He was totally hung up on Jen. Dawson: He is? Mary Beth: She's pretty hung up on him, too. Dawson: She is? Mary Beth: Afraid so. Dawson: It's over. Mary Beth: Of course, this doesn't mean we can't help each other out. (Jen and Cliff are standing in line for the Ferris wheel in front of Dawson and Mary Beth.) Cliff: (to Jen) You having a nice time, Jen? Jen: Yeah. Yeah it's fun. Dawson: (to Mary Beth) Alright. Let's do it! Jen: Well, it looks like we're finally next. Mary Beth: Perfect. So, Cliff, why don't you ride with me because we've hardly chatted all night. (Mary Beth takes Cliff with her onto the Ferris wheel leaving Jen with Dawson, in confusion) Dawson: Uh, we're next. (Cut to Joey's house.) Pacey: Thanks for the clothes, Jo. Joey: Well, don't thank me. Thank Bodie, they're his. Pacey: You know Joe. We're on dry land and you never did answer my question. Joey: And what question was that? (Joey walks into the kitchen and Pacey leans against the wall.) Pacey: Well, your midterm grade. Listen, I know you're a little embarrassed so let me just remove the stigma. I got somewhere in the neighborhood of a 32. Joey: Pacey. Pacey: Come on, Joey, just cough it up. Joey: No Pacey: No? Then let me guess at it. 58? 38? 42? Joey: 98 Pacey: 98? Which one was it? 9 or 8? Joey: Both of them, okay? Pacey: Okay. I assume there's a suitable explanation for that story, Jo. Joey: No explanation. Look around you, Pacey. Look at what my life is. I'm a boarder in my sister's house. I share my bedroom with the living room and my social life consists of a part time job. As far as I can tell, there are only two ways to make my life better. The one that doesn't involve waking up and discovering it's all been a dream involves a college scholarship. And when I apply, I better have the grades to not give them a choice because a scholarship is pretty much my only way out of Capeside. If I don't get out of here, Pacey, well, it would be a sadder story than I can imagine. Pacey: Not to worry, Jo. You'll make it out of here. You'll go to a great school and send me postcards back here. I'll be tending bar or pumping gas. Joey: Come on, Pacey. You'll get out. Pacey: Well, the circus is hiring. Tell you what, though. I'm betting against the Potter girl. (Dawson and Jen are sitting on the Ferris wheel) Dawson: You having fun tonight or what? Jen: Yes Dawson: Is that a yes to the fun or a yes to the what? Jen: To the fun (The Ferris wheel stops and Dawson and Jen are left at the very top of the wheel.) Jen: Oh, great. Dawson: I'm sure they'll have it fixed in a minute. (Mary Beth and Cliff are one car down from Dawson and Jen.) Mary Beth: You want to know what's fascinating? That the word flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Isn't that bizarre? (Cliff gives Mary Beth a funny look.) (Cut back to Jen and Dawson's car.)) Dawson: So, you and Cliff seem pretty together. Jen: Oh, I wouldn't exactly say that. Dawson: What would you say? Jen: I would say that it's only a date. Um, I'd say we're just getting to know each other. I would also say that I don't think I want to talk about this with you anymore. (She pauses and thinks for a second.) Dawson, I know I made a big deal about our remaining friends with you and at the risk of sounding rude, I think I should retract my offer. Dawson: What's that supposed to mean? Jen: It means you shouldn't be here. I don't know why you wanted to come or why I let you but at this point in time, I really don't think that a seamless transition to friendship is in the cards for us, Dawson. Dawson: Well, I'm not sure you'd have the time for me anyhow. What? With your dating schedule and all. Jen: You know, I would love if we could get off this Ferris wheel without insulting each other anymore. Dawson: Am I insulting you Jen? Jen: Yeah Dawson: Is that what I'm doing? You know, because that's not my intent. My intent, since we suddenly have the time for, is for one small clarification. Jen: What's that? Dawson: Okay. When you broke up with me, one of the many questions I asked was why? Remember that? And do you remember your response? Your very convincing, very heartfelt response? You needed to be alone. There were too many men in your life and that you needed some time away from those men. Jen: (quietly) Dawson. I didn't.. Dawson: Correct me if I'm wrong but Cliff Elliot is exactly what I'm talking about. Jen: It's date. Alright? It's not like I'm planning our engagement party. Dawson: Okay. Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Why didn't you just say what only now, much to my dismay and embarrassment, beginning to realize. That you weren't tired of men. You were simply just tired of me. Jen: (softly) That is not true, Dawson. Alright. That is not true. Dawson: Prove me wrong, Jen. Look at me and tell me that I was wrong and I completely misread the situation. Jen? Look at me. ("Hanging By a Thread² by Jann Arden begins playing until we see Dawson sees Pacey and Joey in the next scene) Jen: Dawson, I don't want to get into this right now. Alright? Dawson: You asked me two questions a minute ago and I'd like to answer them. First of all, why am I here? (Dawson pauses) All of the oblivious cliques about the ex boyfriend who's still hung up on his ex, who doesn't want to say good-bye, who can't let go. Why did you allow me to come? Could it be? Could it possibly be that your reason is the same as mine? That you need me just as much as I need you? (Dawson looks at Jen who looks like she's about to cry) Jen? Jen: Dawson. Dawson: Alright. Just don't tell me I was wrong. (Dawson is sitting alone on a bench thinking to himself. ³Hanging By A Thread² continues to play in the background. He sees Joey and Pacey walking down the midway.) Dawson: What are you guys doing here? Joey: Just checking out some of the famed excitement. Pacey: (to Dawson) Actually, I need to talk to you, Dawson. Dawson: Alright Pacey: In private. (Dawson and Pacey walk away from Joey, leaving her by herself and wondering what's so important. Dawson and Pacey in front of the Merry-Go-Around ride and talk.) Pacey: Alright. So how did tonight go for you? Dawson: Let me put it to you this way...terribly. You? Pacey: (laughs) Not so bad, actually. Um, that's why I'm here to talk to you about. I want to ask your permission for something. Dawson: Permission? Pacey: Yeah. You know that Joey and I have never really particularly liked each other. Right? That's why it seemed like a bad idea when we got stuck together on that Marine Bio thing. Funny thing is, it wasn't. In some ways, and somewhere in there, I not only stopped disliking her so much, I began to sort of like her. As a friend. Dawson: At first, At first, I realized your feelings for Joey are somehow firm beyond the friendship stage. Pacey; That's good. Because that's exactly what I meant to imply. Dawson: (laughing) You have the hots for Joey? Pacey, what are you like inhaling too many laugh chemicals? You and Joey are moral enemies. Pacey: Dude, do you mind keeping your face down? This isn't exactly public knowledge at this point. Dawson: You serious? Pacey: Yeah! Dawson: (pauses) Okay. So you like Joey. Why do you need my permission? Pacey: I don't know how to say this but I know that you two have this long tortured subtext together. I just don't want to. I want to make sure, that if I were to do something about this, like kiss her or whatever, that I wouldn't be stepping on any toes. Dawson: You're my friend. And Joey's my friend. I don't care if who she kisses. And if it's you, so much the better. My two best friends, kissing, what could be better than that? Pacey: Great. So you're cool with this, then Dawson: Yeah Pacey: Alright, Dawson, see you later. Dawson: Alright (Pacey turns to walk away from Dawson.) Dawson: No! wait. I'm not cool with this. (Pacey turns back around and looks at Dawson) Pacey: You're not? Dawson: No. Pacey: Okay. So what do we do about now? Dawson: Nothing. Nothing. You know what. Because I am fine with it. A momentary lapse there. I couldn't be. I couldn't be more fine. Yeah Go for it. Kiss her. Go ahead. You have my blessing. Pacey: You sure this time? Dawson: Absolutely. I definitely am. (³She's the One² by World Party is playing as Joey and Pacey pull up to Joey's house. Pacey walks Joey to the bottom of the steps and VERY close to her.) Pacey: So, Am I going to have to fail another midterm or can we do this again sometime? Joey: Well, we still have to finish our report, Pacey, but I'm pretty sure we'll be spending a lot of time together. Pacey: Actually, that's not what I was talking about, Joey. Joey: Then, what did you mean? Pacey: Well, let me put it to you this way. (Pacey leans over and kisses Joey. Joey backs away in disgust) Joey: Pacey! Pacey! What the hell was that? Pacey: Well, if I have to explain myself, it really didn't have the desired effect. Joey: Why in the world would? I mean, I guess I know why you would but why would you? Pacey: Why would I? Because I had a really nice time today, a nice time that exceeded my wildest expectations. I was, I was confused and surprised and attached. You? Joey: Well, confused and surprised. Pacey: Not? (pauses) Okay. I can deal with rejection pretty effortlessly. So long as we don't drag this really awkward moment out any longer than we have to. Joey: Good night, Pacey. I had a nice time, too. See ya. (Joey walks up to her front door.) Pacey: Joey? (Joey turns and looks back at Pacey.) Joey: Yeah? Pacey: By some slim chance, that you would actually kiss me back, you'd be probably thinking of somebody else, right? (Joey turns slowly back and walks inside.) (Cut to Dawson's room. He is laying down on his bed and ³She's the One² begins playing again. Suddenly he gets up and goes downstairs to see his parents dancing. Dawson stops for a second to watch them. The phone rings. Gail gently starts to push Mitch away to pick it up.) Mitch: Let it ring. (Dawson leaves for the video store.) (Cut to the video store where Pacey is working. He is watching The Three Stooges when Dawson enters. Pacey turns the TV off to talk to him) Dawson: I figured you'd be here. So, uh, listen. About what we talked about before? About what you asked me? I changed my mind. I don't want you to do it. Pacey: (as he puts away videos behind the counter) You're going have to refresh my memory so we're on the same page here. Dawson: You know what we're talking about, Pacey. Pacey: Joey. You don't want me to kiss Joey. You seem a little worked up here, Dawson, I don't know how to break it to you Dawson: Break what to me? Pacey: Well, you're a little late. Dawson: You kissed her. Pacey: Oh yeah. Not only that, she kissed me back. Right there on the front side of the Witter Family truck. We played tonsil hockey for about an hour. She invites me in but it was getting a little late so I didn't. But she's cooking for me tomorrow night, she says she always wanted to cook for the right man. You should come. We're thinking about heading up to this cozy little B and B up the coast and spending some quality time this weekend. (Pacey makes a clicking sound with his tounge) Dawson: You're so full of it. Pacey: Yes I am. And so are you. You know, it's time you start asking yourself some serious questions, Dawson. Because you exhaust way too much time and energy on a girl you call your friend. So, you know what? Let's just set the record straight here. Who's it going to be? Is it Jen or is it Joey? Do you like the blond or do you like the brunette? These questions are not going to go away, Dawson. It's time you provide some answers. (End)	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x09 - Modern Romance"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 110 "The Scare" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Kaite Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Original Airdate: May 5, 1998 Dawson and Joey are watching I Know What You Did Last Summer. Joey turns away. Dawson: You are such a wuss. Joey: You rot. That's it, its over. Dawson: No you don't. Joey and Dawson fight over the remote. Joey gets it. Joey: That movie sucks. Dawson: Don't you dare, that movie rules. Joey: Yeah right. Next? I mean, I don't like watching these stupid horror movies that are loaded with cheese whiz, okay? Dawson: Forgive me Roger Ebert. But I figured in honor of Friday the 13th tomorrow, a little horror marathon was mandatory. Joey: Its tired Dawson, just like these movies. I mean, you have this fascination with the dark side. You enjoy scaring people, in particular, me. Dawson: I love the adrenaline rush. Besides, horror films provide positive examples of ordinary people overcoming their worst fears and conquering evil. Joey: Save it for film class, Dawson. I mean these movies are unnecessarily violent and exploitive, and completely pointless to society. Dawson: Prude. Joey turns on the TV. The news is on. Joey: There's enough fear, death and evil in this world without having to recreate it on film. I don't need to watch some stupid man in a mask slice up girls. The world is already a scary place. News Reporter: on tvAnd now tonight's lead story. Authorities fear that the lady kller has struck again. The body of 18 year old, Amanda Ferris, was found in Boston this morning. Believed to be now the 5th victim of the serial kller that's been-- Joey: See, see what I mean. Case and point. Why do we need these horror movies to remind us on how sick and demented the world really is. Huh? Dawson: You talk big Joey. And you aren't going to sell out. But its been deflecting the real issue. Joey: Which is? Dawson: You are a grade A, 100%, scaredy-cat wuss. Joey: Sure. Joey turns on Jerry Maguire Joey: Better. she watches until she looks over and finds Dawson gone Okay, Dawson, where are you? Where'd you go? Dawson? You're not scaring me here, you're not. Dawson? Dawson, you're so predictable, I swear. You just like your Joey looks over the bed, and Dawson pops out with a mask on leaving Joey with a frightened look on her face. Dawson: You know Joey, I think you're the one that's predictable. Joey: Dawson. C'mon. Theme to Dawson's Creek Pacey: Alright, you can tell me Dawson. What's your plan? Dawson: What are you talking about? Pacey: Its Friday the 13th. It's your favorite night of the year. And your parents are out of town. So what movie are you going as, huh? Michael Myers or Norman Bates' mom? Dawson: Its not going to happen tonight. No more life imitating movies for me. Pacey: Wait a minute, what did I just hear? Dawson: I swear it. I'm done trying to turn my life into some exciting movies. You know what, I just end up getting disappointed. Like when I started seeing Jen, I thought, 'Okay, you know what, from now on, everything is going to be some big epic romance. Tortured and passionate and romantic, have some big happy ending. It wasn't that at all. The characters were flawed and uninspired, the love was amateurish at the least. And the ending was definitely not happy. It wasn't even tragic, it just ended. Pacey: What are you trying to say, Dawson? I mean its Friday the 13th and we have a serial kller within striking distance of Capeside, you're just going to treat this like any other night? Dawson: Yep. Pacey: Come on, no midnight seance, no corpses falling out of the cupboard? Dawson: Nope. Pacey: Bummer man. Pacey opens his locker, and a corpse falls out* Dawson: Sucker. CUT TO Jen in class and Cliff walks in. Cliff: Hey Jen. Jen: Hi. What are you doing here? This isn't your class. Cliff: Yeah, do you want to go out tonight? Jen: That's abrupt. Cliff: I'm kinda under the bell here. Jen: Cliff, I don't know. I'm kinda down on the whole dating thing after what happened last time. Cliff: I guess the guy you dated wasn't any fun. Jen: What are you talking about? Dawson's fun. He is, he's probably the, the most original and imaginative date on the planet. Joey enters Cliff: If that's how you feel, why aren't you going out with him now? Jen: Long story, Cliff. Cliff: Well, what about tonight? Jen: What? Yeah, why not? I guess my social life has been a little deflated lately, so what time? Cliff: I'll pick you up at-- Joey takes out a notebook and finds a rubber snake Joey: Oh my god! She throws it on the ground. Jen picks it up. Jen: Yeah, let me guess. Dawson, huh? Joey: dad Dawson. Jen: But you got to admit though, the guy does have a sense of humor. Cliff: I have humor. Jen: I know, I know you do. Cliff: I'm going to be late. I'll see you later? Jen: Yeah. CUT TO: Pacey, Jen, and Joey at lunch.* Pacey: My brother is in the know because he's a cop. He says the victims are all young girls around your age, Joey. Listen, this kller apparently stalks his victims with letters and phone calls before he takes a Knfe to their throat and cuts out their heart. Joey: No way. Pacey: I'm not joking. The kller collects hearts. Okay? They don't talk about that on the news because its a little morbid. But its true. Jen: Its sad. I mean the guy is only looking for love. Joey: Yeah, I'm sure that'll be his defense when they find him. Pacey: If they find him, Joey. You know, Dougie says this guy attcks in hundred mile increments, so that makes Capeside the next likely target. Pacey sees Dawson coming You never know where he could be. He could be behind you right now. Dawson pokes Joey on her sides which scares her. Joey: Dawson, stop it. Pacey: You love it and you know it. Dawson: Okay. Seance tonight at my house. This one is going to blow your mind. Pacey: What about no more life imitating movies? Dawson: Old habits die hard. And old friends die even harder. Joey: So what do you got planned? Dawson: Don't worry, I think your heart can handle it. Hey. So is everybody in? Dawson slips a fake finger in Pacey's fries when no one is looking Jen: Um, actually, I kinda made plans with Cliff tonight. I can't come. Dawson: Oh really? Jen: Does that bother you? Dawson: Should it? Jen: I don't know. Dawson: No, it doesn't bother me. Does it bother you that is doesn't bother me? Jen: Should it? Dawson: I don't know. Jen: No, it doesn't bother me. Joey: Well, glad nobody is bothered. Pacey picks up the fake finger and bites it. Pacey: Oh God! Joey: Thanks Dawson, thanks for giving me a break. Pacey: Okay, that was sly. Jen: What, I don't get a scare? Dawson: What do you mean? Jen: I mean, you scared Joey and Pacey. We're friends, right? Dawson: Yeah. I just figured that you weren't into scary stuff. Jen: I'm not really. It just that... Dawson: What? Jen: Nothing. Have fun tonight. She leaves. Dawson: We will. Pacey: See you later. Pacey drops the finger in Joey's food. Joey picks up the finger and is about to bite it, but notices before she does. Joey: Pacey! You're such a jerk. That's so gross. CUT TO Film class. Mr. Gold: Jon Carpenter's use of light and dark was very reminiscent of early.. Dawson: Hitchcock? Mr. Gold: Hitchcock. In Halloween he would always film the frame so that you were always on guard. He would frame the act so that there will always something in something in the frame with him. Sometimes it was only a tree branch but then again, that was the mastery. bell That concludes our special Friday the 13th discussion. We return to David Lean on Monday. Till then. Cliff: Dawson. Hey, wait up. Dawson: What's up? Cliff: A little quick question. I hate to do this, but I need a favor. Dawson: What? Cliff: Actually, I need some advice. I'm taking Jen out tonight and I kinda feel like this is my last sht and I really wanna go for it. Where do you think I should take her? Dawson: I'm gonna stay out of this. Cliff: No, no. C'mon, help me out. I want the evening to be incredible. Now, you know Jen. What does she like? I want it to be imaginative and original, and according to her, you're the expert in all the junk. Dawson: She said that? What exactly did she say? Cliff: C'mon dude. I need your help. Where should I take her? What does she want? Dawson: What does anybody want? Cliff, I mean, she wants to have a good time, she wants to have fun. Cliff: Fun. That's too broad. I know my definition of fun, but I'm not so sure of Jen's. Dawson: Let me think. Cliff: Think. We like think, think is good. It's good. CUT TO Jen at her locker. She takes out a note that has "You are going to die tonight" written on it. Cliff comes up.* Cliff: Hey. Jen: What? You scared me. Look at this. Cliff: Where'd you get that? Jen: I don't know, I think... you know what, I bet that Dawson put this in my locker. Cliff: How do you know it was Dawson? Jen: C'mon. This reeks of Dawson. Cliff: Don't worry, I'll protect you. Alright, I'll see you later. Jen: Where are we going tonight? Cliff: No, its a surprise. But I promise, it'll be incredibly original and unpredictable. CUT TO Jen in her house. The phone rings. Jen: Hello? Caller: Hello. Jen: Who is this? Caller: You tell me your name and I'll tell you mine. Jen: Okay, Dawson. Dawson, I got your note, I feel very part of, thank you very much. Now you can stop. Caller: Who's Dawson? Jen: Alright, okay. I saw this movie. Caller: So, tell me your name. Jen: Drew Barrymore. Look, you want to play this game, lets cut right to the chase. What's your favorite scary movie? Caller: "Friday the 13th." What's yours? Jen: "Ten Commandments." Don't ask. So, are you the famed lady kller? Are you waiting outside on a cellular to cut my heart out? Caller: Maybe. Jen: Yeah, free advice, find a better heart. Mine's a little dented. Caller: Did somebody hurt you? Jen: No. Its completely self inflicted. Caller: I'm sorry. Jen: Me too. Caller: Maybe I could help. Jen: Alright, you know what Dawson, this is as far as we need to go on this one, alright? Caller: Once again, who's Dawson? Jen looks out the window* Jen: Alright, where are you? Outside? Caller: That would be too predictable. I'm far closer than that. Jen: That's enough. Alright. Jen gets a Knfe* Caller: Why don't you search the house? Jen: Dawson, you didn't, you didn't sneak into the house did you? 'Cause you are lucky that my Grams isn't here. Caller: This guy Dawson sounds like a real loser. Jen: Yeah, well he's not. Just a little out there but in a good way. Caller: How's your grandfather? Jen: You know, Dawson, Dawson, hiding in my Gramps bedroom is really, really low. Jen notices the window open. Jen: Okay, alright, you got me now, okay, Dawson. I'm officially scared, you can come out. She closes the window and then checks the closet. Where are you? Caller: Whatever you do Jennifer, don't look under the bed. Jen: Gramps. She goes over and looks under his bed. His hand falls on her head and she screams Okay, alright, you now what Dawson, this is no longer funny, okay? Caller: Stop calling me Dawson. Jen: Who are you? Caller: Guess. Someone knocks at the door then tries to open it. Jen: Who's there? I said who's there? She goes to shut the back door and is frightened when Grams puts her hand on her shoulder. Grams: Jennifer, its only me. Couldn't find my front door key. Who's on the phone dear? Jen: Who is this? Caller: Soon, Jennifer, soon. CUT TO Dawson's house. Dawson is putting a doll on a noose up on the porch but Joey walks in and he throws it away. Joey: Too late, already saw it. Dawson: Saw what? Joey: One of your shady pranks you have in store for us tonight. Dawson: I don't know what you're talking about. If you're referring to my childhood fascination of fear, you'll be happy to know that I matured in the last year. Joey: Right. So what's behind the couch? Huh? Dawson: Nothing. Joey: C'mon let me see. Dawson: It's nothing. Joey: Don't push me. And don't think for one second that you fooled me with your innocent puppy-dog who-me I'm Richie Cunningham act. I know its a con, Dawson, I'm on to you. Dawson: Then you have nothing to fear. A jeep arrives. Dawson: Here's Pacey. C'mon, let's go. Joey: Where? Dawson: Store. We have to cater the evening. Joey: Oh. I don't like riding with him, he's a menace on the road. Pacey: Nah, you ain't hallucinating. Pacey's got the Jeep. Can I hear ya say yea-aaaah, can I hear ya say oh yea-aaah. Joey: I'm so against this. Pacey: Seriously, I'm a good driver, you have nothing to worry about. Just get in the bus, coz. Pacey starts driving. In town, he's driving fast. When he stops, he makes the group go forward and then back Dawson: Congratulations, you are the world's worst driver. Pacey: I'm not hearing that, Dawson. Can you watch the car, Jo? Joey: Why? Pacey: Well, I can't really turn it off. I mean I can but its a hazard 'cause I don't have the keys. Joey: Oh yeah, I forget, you steal. Pacey: Hey, you borrow from family. You never steal. Pacey gets out and goes into the store CUT TO Pacey and Dawson in the store watching a domestic fight. Ursela: Who do you think you are? Eddie: Shut up, shut up! Ursela: You do not own me. Eddie: Don't touch me. Ursela: You're crazy, you know that, you're crazy! Eddie: Just get out of my face, wench! Ursela: Get out of your face, wench?! Pacey: Should we do something? Dawson: Domestic squabble, back off. Ursela: Let go of me! Stop it, let go of me! The guy walks out Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Where do you think you're going? Eddie: None of your damn business. I'm gone. Ursela: You're a puke you know that. You two cent low life, I hate you. Notices Pacey and Dawson. Hi boys. Having a party? Pacey: Yeah, we are. Ursela: Is it a milk and cookies kind of a party? Pacey: It doesn't have to be. Ursela: Oh, don't tell me, you're not 21 yet. Pacey: Almost, you know, just another couple weeks. Ursela: You want me to score you a bottle of wine? Pacey: Yeah, that'll be great. She puts a bottle of wine in her bag Pacey: Not going to pay for that first? Ursela: And take all the fun out of it? I'll see you outside. CUT TO Joey out in the car. She leans up to turn on the radio and sits back and notices someone at the window. He signals for her to roll the window down. She does a little bit. David: Hi there. Joey: Hi. David: What's your name? Joey: Joey. David: Hi Joey, I'm David. I'm a little lost. I was on my way to Providence and I, I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. Joey: Providence? Uh, you're a little more than a little lost. David: Maybe, you could point me in the right direction. Joey: Sure, um, you just take Elm Street, which is this street right here. Then take it a few miles until you ht the highway. Joey notices the guy keeps staring at her.* David: Sorry, was I staring? Its just that you have the most intense eyes. Has anybody ever told you that? They're really piercing. Dawson comes out of the store and noticed the guy talking to Joey. I'm so tired, I've been on the road all day, is there a motel around here? Joey: Um, actually, not too far from here. David: I really don't know this area at all, what about you? Do you live nearby? Dawson: What's going on? You need something? David: No, sport, I don't. Thanks for your help Joey. Joey: Good luck. Dawson gets into the car Dawson: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers? That guy could be the lady kller. Joey: He was lost, he needed directions. Dawson: Oh, please. Joey, that's the oldest trick in the book. Next thing you know, you're in the woods with tape on your mouth and rope around your neck. Joey: You are so paranoid. Dawson: But serial Kllers are typically white males in their 20s. Hello? Its the 90s, you got to be careful. Joey: Whatever. Pacey is standing around and the girl comes out Ursela: Here you go sweetie. Pacey: Excellent. Cabernet sobena. My favorite. You know, my buddy is having a seance over at his house and I was just wondering if you like to come along. Eddie: Ursula! Ursels: I'd love to. Eddie: Get in the car Ursula. Ursela: Where are your wheels? Pacey: Over there. They start running and the guy chases them. They get in the car. Eddie: Where do you think you're going? Joey: Go Pacey! Eddie: Open this door now! Everyone locks the door. CUT TO Jen's house. Jen: Cliff, seven o' clock, right on the dot. Cliff: I never keep a lady waiting. Grams walks in Grams: Are you Clifford Elliot? Cliff: Hello ma'am. I found this mail on your porch. Grams: Thank you Clifford. I've heard a lot about you. Quarterback, top of the honor roll, and I see you every week at the first church of the Nazarene. Jen: Grams, you're drooling. Grams: Oh, and doesn't our little Jennifer look pretty tonight? Cliff: Yes ma'am, she does. Jen: Goodbye Grams. Grams: You two kids have fun now, and have her home by midnight or she'll turn into a pumpkin. Cliff: Okay, I will. I promise, I'll take good care of her. Grams closes the door Jen: Ah, she likes you. Not a good sign. Cliff: Oh, really? Jen: I, you know, um, its kinda chilly, maybe I should get my jacket. Cliff: Well actually, we're not going that far. Just about a hundred feet. Jen: Really? Where are we going? Cliff: Dawson's. He's having a seance. Won't that be kller? CUT TO Dawson's house* Ursela: It's a nice house. Caramel corn. Opens it and something pops out Oh my God!starts laughing Who did that? Joey: Dawson. Too easy. Ursela: Oh, its alright, I love to be scared. My boyfriend Eddie, scares the goop out of me. Pacey: I can imagine. Ursela: I need a drink. Dawson: Everybody help yourself. Jen approaches Dawson, the rest are gone Jen: Thanks for the phone calls. Dawson: What phone calls? Was I supposed to call you? Jen: Yeah and the note in my locker, nice touch. You know it was a bit harsh, but you do strive for realism. Dawson: What note, what phone call? Jen: Oh, c'mon Dawson. Don't play dumb with me. I know you're trying to scare me. Dawson: Why would I do that? Jen: Because, its what you do. Its Friday the 13th. Dawson: I mean, Jen, this is it. Fake snakes. I'm sorry that I didn't plan anything specific for you but I didn't think you'd get into it. CUT TO Ursula opening the fridge to find a fake head Ursela: Okay, nothing here. Got a corkscrew? Its not cold so we'll have to add some ice. It's like a fun house in here. CUT TO Dawson's living room. Dawson: Joey, can you get the seance book, its in the closet. Joey hands the bowl with a head in it to Jen, and she hands it to Cliff Cliff: Hey man, thanks having me over. This is perfect. Dawson: You think? Cliff: Its the most original first date I can think of. I mean, how many guys will bring a girl to their ex-boyfriend's house? Dawson: It's classic. Cliff: I think that she's really warming up to me. Dawson: Congratulations. CUT TO Joey and Jen Jen: Joey, is it just me or is this too weird for words. I mean, I'm on a date and I end up here. Who's idea was this? Joey: Cliff's? Jen: No, no, he's not that inventive. This is definitely the work of Dawson. Joey: You think? Joey opens the closet door and a corpse pops out. CUT TO Seance table. Ursela: Spirits, are you with us? Pacey: singing Whoa, whooaa. Spirits come to us. Cliff: Ursula, are you like a spirit goddess? Ursela: I channel from time to time. Have couple spirit sisters that occupy my body occasionally. Dawson: Dian and Layota? the group laughs Pacey: You know what we should do. We should channel the victims of the lady kller. Maybe they'd ID the guy. We could get that reward money, that'll be sweet. Dawson: Did you guys know that he likes to stalk his victims? Usually comes in contact first in notes and phone calls. Ursela: Really? Dawson: Yeah. That's how he got that girl down in North Carolina. He sent her notes, and then followed her home after school one day. He would peek through her window. And then he'd call, pretending to be somebody else. Pacey: That's creepy. Cliff: You got a call didn't you? Pacey: Somebody called you? Jen: Yes, and his name is Dawson. Dawson: Jen, I swear, I didn't call you. Joey: You know, why don't you finish the story? Dawson: But you don't like scary stuff. Joey: I have a contradicting personality. Please continue. Dawson: Okay. So anyways, he called her and learned that she's going to be home alone that night. She lived in a town where nobody locked their doors. He disconnected her electricity, cut off her phone, walked right through the front door, up her stairs, into her bedroom while she was sleeping, and cut out her heart in one clean sweep. He used a long lacerated scaupul, so they think that he might be a doctor or something. Ursela: You know what makes that story so scary? Jen: Its true. Pacey: You know, you think stuff like that never happens but it always does. Cliff: I got a story. Its true too. A woman with a newborn was out to the country to pick blueberries. Alright, she leaves the baby in the back in his little car seat with the door open so she could hear him if he cries. She goes out picking in the blueberry patch, after about a half an hour, she realizes she hasn't heard a peep from the baby. Ursela: Uh oh. Cliff: She runs back to the car, looks in the back and a huge snake has crawled down the throat of the baby, its tail wagging out. So, in major shock, she reaches in, yanks the snake out. And long with it, comes all the baby's insides. Jen: That's not scary, that's disgusting. Joey: That's nasty. Jen: Pour baby. Ursela: I have a scary story. There's this young kid, this boy. Who goes to the convenient store and picks up this woman. She's wild you know, and crazy but pretty. And he takes her back to his friend's house where they're having all these like fun and games. And what none of them know is that this woman is a little ill, you know, like in the head. The result of years of abuse. And that in her purse, she carries this great big Knfe. Because sometimes, just for fun, she likes to slice open throats and see how far the blood would spurt. The rest look at her and the lights go out. They all scream Ursela: What the hell? This freaks me out. Joey: Dawson, turn the lights back on. Dawson: It wasn't me. I didn't do it. It must be a blackout. Jen: Really? A blackout during our seance, how coincidental Dawson? Yeah, I think I'll call the electric company. Well, imagine that, the phone's dad. Dawson: Don't look at me. Pacey: Great! No phone and no electricity. Maybe its the lady kller. Joey: Maybe its doofus Dawson. Pacey: Look, joke's over. 'Cause I'm getting spooked here, alright? Joey: Are the doors locked? Dawson: Yeah, we should check the door. Joey and Pacey, check the front door. Jen, you and Cliff, ah, get some flashlights from the upstairs closet. Ursela: Hey! Where you going? Dawson: I'm gonna check the fuse box outside, you could stay right there. Ursela: No, no, no. I'm coming with you. Dawson: Okay. CUT TO Pacey and Joey Pacey: He's got you, you're so scared. Joey: No, I'm not. Pacey: Oh, please. Quit tripping out, this is just Dawson up to his old tired tricks. There's no psychopath in this house. Joey: Yes there is. And you brought her. Pacey, don't you remember what happened with Tamara? This can end up even worse. And your bizarre mother conflicts is gonna get us all klled. Pacey: Uh, I don't know, I think she's kinda sexy. She's into me, don't you think? Joey: She's a nutcase. And the story about the Knfe in her purse. Face it Pacey, you have the worst taste in women. Pacey: Oh, and coming from you that really hurts. Joey: What's that supposed to mean? Pacey: What about your taste Joey? You're gonna go to your grave pining away for your best friend. The guy that is so oblivious he doesn't have a clue that you lust after him morning, noon, and night. Joey: I don't lust after him. Pacey: Denial, denial. They hear a noise Should we check it out? Joey: Yeah, go for it. You're not scared are you? They go up the stairs and then an ax swings in their path. CUT TO: Jen. Jen: Cliff? Cliff. Cliff comes out Cliff: Aahh! Jen: God, you scared me. Cliff: Sorry. Jen: Oh man. For a second there I thought you were that psycho woman. Cliff: Ah, she's a trip, isn't she? Jen: I think we're being set up. Cliff: What do you mean? Jen: C'mon I'm sure that something's gonna come flying out of the closet. Snakes, some bloody corpse. Cliff opens the closet door, he gets out the flashlights Cliff: So much for your theory. They look up at a mirror which has red writing on it. < Jen: See, what did I tell you. I mean, Dawson has been doing this to me all day. First that note in my locker, the phone call at my house. Cliff: How do you know it was him? Jen: Who else? Cliff: Well, what if Dawson had nothing to do with it? I mean, what if there really is a psychopath following you around trying to kll you? Jen is left wondering* CUT TO Dawson and Ursela Ursela: Its cold in here, hold this. She looks in her bag and Dawson watches her. She pulls out a red scarf What'd you think? That I was gonna pull a Knfe on ya? Dawson: I don't know. Ursela: I don't sab people. I take a pstol and I sht them in the head. I'm just playing with you, sweetie. Dawson: You're a good actress. Ursela: Ah, that's funny you say that. For a while I thought I'd might go to Hollywood. And then I met Eddie. Dawson: The guy in the parking lot? Ursela: Yeah, he's a loonatic that guy. He's been in the pen. Dawson: For what? Ursela: Assualt and battery. He took this guy's head and shoved it into a wall. The guy's eye ball was hanging from its socket. He's a monster. But he's my monster. You know, love is a really complicated bitch. Dawson: You can say that again. Ursela: See, I knew that you had an issue. I have this extra circular sensory thing. You just broke up with a girl that's inside. I felt the emotion. Don't you worry, she loves you back. Dawson: What do you know about it? Ursela: I don't that she wants you. And you have been scaring her all night so its obvious that you want her. Dawson: I haven't scared her once tonight. I've been scaring Joey. Ursela: Yeah, the brunette. Cute, fiesty. The two of you will work out. Dawson: Jen's my ex-girlfriend, not Joey. Ursela: Then, there's your problem. You're dating the wrong girl. Dawson: No. Joey an I have this intense friendship. We got that extra sensory canal thing. You know, I don't get this. I set it on a timer so it will go off right at eleven. Ursela: So the blackout was all a big stunt? Dawson: Yeah, but the fuse box, it seems that something's come on and jammed it. They hear a noise from outside* Ursela: What was that? Dawson: Lets go back inside. Pacey: Where you've been? Dawson: Trying to get the lights on. Where's Joey? Jen: She went that way to look for you. Dawson: You let her go by herself? Hey Joey? Joey! Joey? He hears a thud from the closet, he opens it, and Joey falls out Oh, oh, oh my God. Joey, talk to me. A shadow comes over him Aahh!! Joey starts laughing. Jen takes off the mask Dawson: Funny, very funny. Joey: Gotcha Dawson. Dawson: That was lame. That was really lame. Joey: C'mon, you can dish it out but you can't take it? Dawson: The level of scare here is different. I give you rubber snakes, not Joey dad. There's a difference. Joey: Boohoo. It was Jen's idea. And quite frankly a good one. Dawson: Jen, that was your idea? Jen: Hey, your notes and phone calls were a little more than rubber appliances. In fact they were very scary, I might add. Dawson: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't send you any notes, I didn't call you. Jen: You serious? Dawson walks up the stairs and goes into his room. Jen follows* Jen: Alright, you look me straight in the face and tell me that you didn't try to spook me. Dawson: I didn't try to spook you. Jen: Say honest to God. Dawson: Jen, you don't believe in God. Jen: Well then who did? Dawson: The lady kller? I don't know, Jen. Jen: And why didn't you? Dawson: What? Jen: Why didn't you try to scare me? I mean, don't I rank with you anymore? Dawson: Jen, you broke up with me. Okay, you clearly don't want me or anything to do with me. So yeah, I kinda crossed you off the list. Jen: Then why did you invite us to your house? Dawson: I don't know. Help Cliff out. Maybe try to get over you. Jen: Or watch over me? Dawson: I really don't like the way things are, Jen. They lean towards each other for a kiss.* Jen: Not a good idea. Dawson: No, good point. Jen: No. I should go. But, you know Dawson, whatever is going on between us, I don't want you to cross me off any more of your lists, okay? Dawson: Consider yourself uncrossed. Jen: So scare me next time, alright? Dawson: Don't worry I got you covered. CUT TO Pacey and Ursela Pacey: So you scared? Ursela: I'm peeing in my pants. Pacey: You know, I may look young but I have been with older women before. Did you hear that? There's somebody in those bushes. Eddie comes out and breaks the screen door Eddie: You bitch, you bitch. Ursela: No, get away from me. Get him, Pacey. C'mon. Eddie: I'm gonna kll you! Cliff opens the door* Cliff: Has anybody seen... get in! Ursela: Promises, promises. Pacey will tear you apart, he's my new man, and he'll protect me. Pacey: Don't say that!!!! Dawson: What's going on? Pacey: Her boyfriend's outside. Ursela: And he's really pissed. I'm gonna call the police, Eddie! Eddie: No you won't! Ursela: Yes, I will. I'm gonna call them right now. Dawson: No can do. I disconnected the phone line out back. Eddie breaks the window and tries to get in Ursela: He's lost it, I'm getting out of here. Dawson: He's looking for a way in. Cliff: Lock the doors. Joey and Jen close the windows and Eddie comes up Dawson: What's he doing? Climbing the walls? Ursela: Eddie's strong but he's no Spiderman. Dawson: The ladder, he's climbing the ladder. Joey: He's going to climb through your window. Dawson: Go to Jen's, call Doug to get help. Cliff, Dawson and Jen go up to Dawson's room Dawson: The window's open. Cliff: He's in. Pacey unlocks the door and Eddie chokes him Eddie: Trying to take away my woman? Pacey: No, sir. Eddie: Say goodbye. Joey hits Eddie over the head with a frying pan Eddie: You're dad. She hits him again, when he's on the ground, she still hits him. Ursela sees and comes running down the stairs.* Ursela: Stop it! Hey, get off of him! Get off him. Eddie? Talk to me sweetie. Eddie: I'm sorry baby. Ursela: Honey, you okay? Let me take you home sweetie. Eddie: I love you Ursula. Ursela: I love you. Lets get the hell out of here. These kids are weird. Sorry about the damage. I work down at the bowling alley Dalmage come down and I'll give you a discount on your shoes. Dawson: Thanks. CUT TO Jen and Cliff Jen: Well, that was a complete nightmare. Cliff: I thought that you like to be scared though. Jen: No, there is nothing that I like less. Cliff: Are you sure? Its just not what Dawson said. Jen: What do you mean? Cliff: You know how I feel about you. Right Jen? I mean, do you know how I feel about you? Jen: Um? Cliff: I like you. I think you're great. Jen: Thanks. I think you're great too. Cliff: No you don't. Jen: No, I do. I think you're a really sweet guy. Cliff: I just get the feeling that you like Dawson because he's so creative and maybe you think that I'm too stiff, or umimaginative, or unique enough. Jen: No, no, I don't think that at all. Cliff: So I went to Dawson, and I asked his advice. Jen: Wait, you asked Dawson for advice. Cliff: And he told me you really liked to be scared. And if I got you all worked up, that, I don't know, you'd be impressed. Jen: Wait a minute, you, you're the one that called me this afternoon, and the notes. You're the one that sent the notes. Cliff nods Okay, and Dawson told you to do this? Cliff: No, no, I came up with that one on my own. Its pretty cool huh? Jen: Cliff, um, you know what, to be honest with you Cliff, I'm not really in the market for a boyfriend now, okay? My love life is kind of crashed and brned and I'm just picking up the pieces. But if I were, I want you to be yourself. Okay? Not some Dawson knock off. Cliff: Yeah, I guess that its pretty stupid huh? I try to be original by, uh, copying somebody else. Jen: Yeah. CUT TO Pacey searching around the yard with a flashlight before getting in his car and driving off* CUT TO Cliff and Jen Cliff: Well, it looks like we're here. You think you could give me a goodnight kiss? Jen: Uh, um, you know.Cliff kisses her before she finishes. Then Grams opens the door Grams: Oh! Sorry. Jen: Uh, its, its okay Grams. Grams: No, no, no, no. Go right ahead. I didn't mean to interrupt. Hello Clifford. Cliff: Hello ma'am. Jen: I'll be right in. Grams: No, don't hurry. Take your time. She closes the door Jen: You know, I think my Grams has the hots for you. You interested? Cliff: Well, I kinda have a crush on somebody else. Jen: Goodnight Cliff. She kisses him, then goes inside CUT TO Grams sitting at the kitchen table Jen: Goodnight Grams. Grams: I really like the Clifford Elliot. Good stock. Jen: Yeah, he's very nice. I'm just gonna ht the sack. Grams: Oh, you have some mail, dear. Jen turns around and opens the letter. Something pops, and makes her jump* Grams: What is it dear? Jen: Oh, um, sets the trap actually, Grams, its for you. Goodnight.Grams opens the letter and it scares her. She reveals the letter which says HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH - DAWSON CUT TO Dawson and Joey Dawson: I scared you pretty bad with this baby. Joey: Yeah, but not as bad as I scared you. Dawson: I wasn't scared. Joey: I saw the look on your face when you saw me tumble out of the closet. She makes a face I don't know. I thought maybe for a second, you'd might even be sad if I died. Dawson: Joey, that's ridiculous. Joey: You wouldn't be sad? Thanks. Dawson: Are you kidding? God, I would be inconsolable. Joey, if you died, God, I don't know what I would do. Its the worst possible thing I can imagine. What about me? Would you shed any tears if I died? Joey nods Dawson: So, you sleeping over? Joey: Do you mind? I don't know, all this mayham really spooked me. Dawson: It was fun, wasn't it? Joey: Yeah, but Friday the 13th is over so, no more brushes with death, okay? Can we just go to sleep and pretend the world is safe and happy place to live? Dawson: Okay, Joey. Joey pulls back the covers and sees plastic spiders. Joey: Cute. Cute. Dawson turns on the TV News Reporter: Authorities believe they have arrested the multiple mrder known as the lady kller. Identified as David Blanchard. The suspect was found prowling a residential neighborhood in Capeside. When officers inspected his car, they found evidence linking him with the mrder that has been terrorizing the eastern sea board for the past few months. We'll bring you more information on the lady kller arrest in our full report. Joey and Dawson notice that the guy was the same one who had spoken to Joey at the convenient store earlier. They stare at each other with a shocked expression on their face. Back to Transcripts The Scare Pacey is standing around and the girl comes out Ursela: Here you go sweetie. Pacey: Excellent. Cabernet sobena. My favorite. You know, my buddy is having a seance over at his house and I was just wondering if you like to come along. Eddie: Ursula! Ursels: I'd love to. Eddie: Get in the car Ursula. Ursela: Where are your wheels? Pacey: Over there. They start running and the guy chases them. They get in the car. Eddie: Where do you think you're going? Joey: Go Pacey! Eddie: Open this door now! Everyone locks the door. CUT TO Jen's house. Jen: Cliff, seven o' clock, right on the dot. Cliff: I never keep a lady waiting. Grams walks in Grams: Are you Clifford Elliot? Cliff: Hello ma'am. I found this mail on your porch. Grams: Thank you Clifford. I've heard a lot about you. Quarterback, top of the honor roll, and I see you every week at the first church of the Nazarene. Jen: Grams, you're drooling. Grams: Oh, and doesn't our little Jennifer look pretty tonight? Cliff: Yes ma'am, she does. Jen: Goodbye Grams. Grams: You two kids have fun now, and have her home by midnight or she'll turn into a pumpkin. Cliff: Okay, I will. I promise, I'll take good care of her. Grams closes the door Jen: Ah, she likes you. Not a good sign. Cliff: Oh, really? Jen: I, you know, um, its kinda chilly, maybe I should get my jacket. Cliff: Well actually, we're not going that far. Just about a hundred feet. Jen: Really? Where are we going? Cliff: Dawson's. He's having a seance. Won't that be kller? CUT TO Dawson's house* Ursela: It's a nice house. Caramel corn. Opens it and something pops out Oh my God!starts laughing Who did that? Joey: Dawson. Too easy. Ursela: Oh, its alright, I love to be scared. My boyfriend Eddie, scares the goop out of me. Pacey: I can imagine. Ursela: I need a drink. Dawson: Everybody help yourself. Jen approaches Dawson, the rest are gone Jen: Thanks for the phone calls. Dawson: What phone calls? Was I supposed to call you? Jen: Yeah and the note in my locker, nice touch. You know it was a bit harsh, but you do strive for realism. Dawson: What note, what phone call? Jen: Oh, c'mon Dawson. Don't play dumb with me. I know you're trying to scare me. Dawson: Why would I do that? Jen: Because, its what you do. Its Friday the 13th. Dawson: I mean, Jen, this is it. Fake snakes. I'm sorry that I didn't plan anything specific for you but I didn't think you'd get into it. CUT TO Ursula opening the fridge to find a fake head Ursela: Okay, nothing here. Got a corkscrew? Its not cold so we'll have to add some ice. It's like a fun house in here. CUT TO Dawson's living room. Dawson: Joey, can you get the seance book, its in the closet. Joey hands the bowl with a head in it to Jen, and she hands it to Cliff Cliff: Hey man, thanks having me over. This is perfect. Dawson: You think? Cliff: Its the most original first date I can think of. I mean, how many guys will bring a girl to their ex-boyfriend's house? Dawson: It's classic. Cliff: I think that she's really warming up to me. Dawson: Congratulations. CUT TO Joey and Jen Jen: Joey, is it just me or is this too weird for words. I mean, I'm on a date and I end up here. Who's idea was this? Joey: Cliff's? Jen: No, no, he's not that inventive. This is definitely the work of Dawson. Joey: You think? Joey opens the closet door and a corpse pops out. CUT TO Seance table. Ursela: Spirits, are you with us? Pacey: singing Whoa, whooaa. Spirits come to us. Cliff: Ursula, are you like a spirit goddess? Ursela: I channel from time to time. Have couple spirit sisters that occupy my body occasionally. Dawson: Dian and Layota? the group laughs Pacey: You know what we should do. We should channel the victims of the lady kller. Maybe they'd ID the guy. We could get that reward money, that'll be sweet. Dawson: Did you guys know that he likes to stalk his victims? Usually comes in contact first in notes and phone calls. Ursela: Really? Dawson: Yeah. That's how he got that girl down in North Carolina. He sent her notes, and then followed her home after school one day. He would peek through her window. And then he'd call, pretending to be somebody else. Pacey: That's creepy. Cliff: You got a call didn't you? Pacey: Somebody called you? Jen: Yes, and his name is Dawson. Dawson: Jen, I swear, I didn't call you. Joey: You know, why don't you finish the story? Dawson: But you don't like scary stuff. Joey: I have a contradicting personality. Please continue. Dawson: Okay. So anyways, he called her and learned that she's going to be home alone that night. She lived in a town where nobody locked their doors. He disconnected her electricity, cut off her phone, walked right through the front door, up her stairs, into her bedroom while she was sleeping, and cut out her heart in one clean sweep. He used a long lacerated scaupul, so they think that he might be a doctor or something. Ursela: You know what makes that story so scary? Jen: Its true. Pacey: You know, you think stuff like that never happens but it always does. Cliff: I got a story. Its true too. A woman with a newborn was out to the country to pick blueberries. Alright, she leaves the baby in the back in his little car seat with the door open so she could hear him if he cries. She goes out picking in the blueberry patch, after about a half an hour, she realizes she hasn't heard a peep from the baby. Ursela: Uh oh. Cliff: She runs back to the car, looks in the back and a huge snake has crawled down the throat of the baby, its tail wagging out. So, in major shock, she reaches in, yanks the snake out. And long with it, comes all the baby's insides. Jen: That's not scary, that's disgusting. Joey: That's nasty. Jen: Pour baby. Ursela: I have a scary story. There's this young kid, this boy. Who goes to the convenient store and picks up this woman. She's wild you know, and crazy but pretty. And he takes her back to his friend's house where they're having all these like fun and games. And what none of them know is that this woman is a little ill, you know, like in the head. The result of years of abuse. And that in her purse, she carries this great big Knfe. Because sometimes, just for fun, she likes to slice open throats and see how far the blood would spurt. The rest look at her and the lights go out. They all scream Ursela: What the hell? This freaks me out. Joey: Dawson, turn the lights back on. Dawson: It wasn't me. I didn't do it. It must be a blackout. Jen: Really? A blackout during our seance, how coincidental Dawson? Yeah, I think I'll call the electric company. Well, imagine that, the phone's dad. Dawson: Don't look at me. Pacey: Great! No phone and no electricity. Maybe its the lady kller. Joey: Maybe its doofus Dawson. Pacey: Look, joke's over. 'Cause I'm getting spooked here, alright? Joey: Are the doors locked? Dawson: Yeah, we should check the door. Joey and Pacey, check the front door. Jen, you and Cliff, ah, get some flashlights from the upstairs closet. Ursela: Hey! Where you going? Dawson: I'm gonna check the fuse box outside, you could stay right there. Ursela: No, no, no. I'm coming with you. Dawson: Okay. CUT TO Pacey and Joey Pacey: He's got you, you're so scared. Joey: No, I'm not. Pacey: Oh, please. Quit tripping out, this is just Dawson up to his old tired tricks. There's no psychopath in this house. Joey: Yes there is. And you brought her. Pacey, don't you remember what happened with Tamara? This can end up even worse. And your bizarre mother conflicts is gonna get us all klled. Pacey: Uh, I don't know, I think she's kinda sexy. She's into me, don't you think? Joey: She's a nutcase. And the story about the Knfe in her purse. Face it Pacey, you have the worst taste in women. Pacey: Oh, and coming from you that really hurts. Joey: What's that supposed to mean? Pacey: What about your taste Joey? You're gonna go to your grave pining away for your best friend. The guy that is so oblivious he doesn't have a clue that you lust after him morning, noon, and night. Joey: I don't lust after him. Pacey: Denial, denial. They hear a noise Should we check it out? Joey: Yeah, go for it. You're not scared are you? They go up the stairs and then an ax swings in their path. CUT TO: Jen. Jen: Cliff? Cliff. Cliff comes out Cliff: Aahh! Jen: God, you scared me. Cliff: Sorry. Jen: Oh man. For a second there I thought you were that psycho woman. Cliff: Ah, she's a trip, isn't she? Jen: I think we're being set up. Cliff: What do you mean? Jen: C'mon I'm sure that something's gonna come flying out of the closet. Snakes, some bloody corpse. Cliff opens the closet door, he gets out the flashlights Cliff: So much for your theory. They look up at a mirror which has red writing on it. < Jen: See, what did I tell you. I mean, Dawson has been doing this to me all day. First that note in my locker, the phone call at my house. Cliff: How do you know it was him? Jen: Who else? Cliff: Well, what if Dawson had nothing to do with it? I mean, what if there really is a psychopath following you around trying to kll you? Jen is left wondering* CUT TO Dawson and Ursela Ursela: Its cold in here, hold this. She looks in her bag and Dawson watches her. She pulls out a red scarf What'd you think? That I was gonna pull a Knfe on ya? Dawson: I don't know. Ursela: I don't sab people. I take a pstol and I sht them in the head. I'm just playing with you, sweetie. Dawson: You're a good actress. Ursela: Ah, that's funny you say that. For a while I thought I'd might go to Hollywood. And then I met Eddie. Dawson: The guy in the parking lot? Ursela: Yeah, he's a loonatic that guy. He's been in the pen. Dawson: For what? Ursela: Assualt and battery. He took this guy's head and shoved it into a wall. The guy's eye ball was hanging from its socket. He's a monster. But he's my monster. You know, love is a really complicated bitch. Dawson: You can say that again. Ursela: See, I knew that you had an issue. I have this extra circular sensory thing. You just broke up with a girl that's inside. I felt the emotion. Don't you worry, she loves you back. Dawson: What do you know about it? Ursela: I don't that she wants you. And you have been scaring her all night so its obvious that you want her. Dawson: I haven't scared her once tonight. I've been scaring Joey. Ursela: Yeah, the brunette. Cute, fiesty. The two of you will work out. Dawson: Jen's my ex-girlfriend, not Joey. Ursela: Then, there's your problem. You're dating the wrong girl. Dawson: No. Joey an I have this intense friendship. We got that extra sensory canal thing. You know, I don't get this. I set it on a timer so it will go off right at eleven. Ursela: So the blackout was all a big stunt? Dawson: Yeah, but the fuse box, it seems that something's come on and jammed it. They hear a noise from outside* Ursela: What was that? Dawson: Lets go back inside. Pacey: Where you've been? Dawson: Trying to get the lights on. Where's Joey? Jen: She went that way to look for you. Dawson: You let her go by herself? Hey Joey? Joey! Joey? He hears a thud from the closet, he opens it, and Joey falls out Oh, oh, oh my God. Joey, talk to me. A shadow comes over him Aahh!! Joey starts laughing. Jen takes off the mask Dawson: Funny, very funny. Joey: Gotcha Dawson. Dawson: That was lame. That was really lame. Joey: C'mon, you can dish it out but you can't take it? Dawson: The level of scare here is different. I give you rubber snakes, not Joey dad. There's a difference. Joey: Boohoo. It was Jen's idea. And quite frankly a good one. Dawson: Jen, that was your idea? Jen: Hey, your notes and phone calls were a little more than rubber appliances. In fact they were very scary, I might add. Dawson: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't send you any notes, I didn't call you. Jen: You serious? Dawson walks up the stairs and goes into his room. Jen follows* Jen: Alright, you look me straight in the face and tell me that you didn't try to spook me. Dawson: I didn't try to spook you. Jen: Say honest to God. Dawson: Jen, you don't believe in God. Jen: Well then who did? Dawson: The lady kller? I don't know, Jen. Jen: And why didn't you? Dawson: What? Jen: Why didn't you try to scare me? I mean, don't I rank with you anymore? Dawson: Jen, you broke up with me. Okay, you clearly don't want me or anything to do with me. So yeah, I kinda crossed you off the list. Jen: Then why did you invite us to your house? Dawson: I don't know. Help Cliff out. Maybe try to get over you. Jen: Or watch over me? Dawson: I really don't like the way things are, Jen. They lean towards each other for a kiss.* Jen: Not a good idea. Dawson: No, good point. Jen: No. I should go. But, you know Dawson, whatever is going on between us, I don't want you to cross me off any more of your lists, okay? Dawson: Consider yourself uncrossed. Jen: So scare me next time, alright? Dawson: Don't worry I got you covered. CUT TO Pacey and Ursela Pacey: So you scared? Ursela: I'm peeing in my pants. Pacey: You know, I may look young but I have been with older women before. Did you hear that? There's somebody in those bushes. Eddie comes out and breaks the screen door Eddie: You bitch, you bitch. Ursela: No, get away from me. Get him, Pacey. C'mon. Eddie: I'm gonna kll you! Cliff opens the door* Cliff: Has anybody seen... get in! Ursela: Promises, promises. Pacey will tear you apart, he's my new man, and he'll protect me. Pacey: Don't say that!!!! Dawson: What's going on? Pacey: Her boyfriend's outside. Ursela: And he's really pissed. I'm gonna call the police, Eddie! Eddie: No you won't! Ursela: Yes, I will. I'm gonna call them right now. Dawson: No can do. I disconnected the phone line out back. Eddie breaks the window and tries to get in Ursela: He's lost it, I'm getting out of here. Dawson: He's looking for a way in. Cliff: Lock the doors. Joey and Jen close the windows and Eddie comes up Dawson: What's he doing? Climbing the walls? Ursela: Eddie's strong but he's no Spiderman. Dawson: The ladder, he's climbing the ladder. Joey: He's going to climb through your window. Dawson: Go to Jen's, call Doug to get help. Cliff, Dawson and Jen go up to Dawson's room Dawson: The window's open. Cliff: He's in. Pacey unlocks the door and Eddie chokes him Eddie: Trying to take away my woman? Pacey: No, sir. Eddie: Say goodbye. Joey hits Eddie over the head with a frying pan Eddie: You're dad. She hits him again, when he's on the ground, she still hits him. Ursela sees and comes running down the stairs.* Ursela: Stop it! Hey, get off of him! Get off him. Eddie? Talk to me sweetie. Eddie: I'm sorry baby. Ursela: Honey, you okay? Let me take you home sweetie. Eddie: I love you Ursula. Ursela: I love you. Lets get the hell out of here. These kids are weird. Sorry about the damage. I work down at the bowling alley Dalmage come down and I'll give you a discount on your shoes. Dawson: Thanks. CUT TO Jen and Cliff Jen: Well, that was a complete nightmare. Cliff: I thought that you like to be scared though. Jen: No, there is nothing that I like less. Cliff: Are you sure? Its just not what Dawson said. Jen: What do you mean? Cliff: You know how I feel about you. Right Jen? I mean, do you know how I feel about you? Jen: Um? Cliff: I like you. I think you're great. Jen: Thanks. I think you're great too. Cliff: No you don't. Jen: No, I do. I think you're a really sweet guy. Cliff: I just get the feeling that you like Dawson because he's so creative and maybe you think that I'm too stiff, or umimaginative, or unique enough. Jen: No, no, I don't think that at all. Cliff: So I went to Dawson, and I asked his advice. Jen: Wait, you asked Dawson for advice. Cliff: And he told me you really liked to be scared. And if I got you all worked up, that, I don't know, you'd be impressed. Jen: Wait a minute, you, you're the one that called me this afternoon, and the notes. You're the one that sent the notes. Cliff nods Okay, and Dawson told you to do this? Cliff: No, no, I came up with that one on my own. Its pretty cool huh? Jen: Cliff, um, you know what, to be honest with you Cliff, I'm not really in the market for a boyfriend now, okay? My love life is kind of crashed and brned and I'm just picking up the pieces. But if I were, I want you to be yourself. Okay? Not some Dawson knock off. Cliff: Yeah, I guess that its pretty stupid huh? I try to be original by, uh, copying somebody else. Jen: Yeah. CUT TO Pacey searching around the yard with a flashlight before getting in his car and driving off* CUT TO Cliff and Jen Cliff: Well, it looks like we're here. You think you could give me a goodnight kiss? Jen: Uh, um, you know.Cliff kisses her before she finishes. Then Grams opens the door Grams: Oh! Sorry. Jen: Uh, its, its okay Grams. Grams: No, no, no, no. Go right ahead. I didn't mean to interrupt. Hello Clifford. Cliff: Hello ma'am. Jen: I'll be right in. Grams: No, don't hurry. Take your time. She closes the door Jen: You know, I think my Grams has the hots for you. You interested? Cliff: Well, I kinda have a crush on somebody else. Jen: Goodnight Cliff. She kisses him, then goes inside CUT TO Grams sitting at the kitchen table Jen: Goodnight Grams. Grams: I really like the Clifford Elliot. Good stock. Jen: Yeah, he's very nice. I'm just gonna ht the sack. Grams: Oh, you have some mail, dear. Jen turns around and opens the letter. Something pops, and makes her jump* Grams: What is it dear? Jen: Oh, um, sets the trap actually, Grams, its for you. Goodnight.Grams opens the letter and it scares her. She reveals the letter which says HAPPY FRIDAY THE 13TH - DAWSON CUT TO Dawson and Joey Dawson: I scared you pretty bad with this baby. Joey: Yeah, but not as bad as I scared you. Dawson: I wasn't scared. Joey: I saw the look on your face when you saw me tumble out of the closet. She makes a face I don't know. I thought maybe for a second, you'd might even be sad if I died. Dawson: Joey, that's ridiculous. Joey: You wouldn't be sad? Thanks. Dawson: Are you kidding? God, I would be inconsolable. Joey, if you died, God, I don't know what I would do. Its the worst possible thing I can imagine. What about me? Would you shed any tears if I died? Joey nods Dawson: So, you sleeping over? Joey: Do you mind? I don't know, all this mayham really spooked me. Dawson: It was fun, wasn't it? Joey: Yeah, but Friday the 13th is over so, no more brushes with death, okay? Can we just go to sleep and pretend the world is safe and happy place to live? Dawson: Okay, Joey. Joey pulls back the covers and sees plastic spiders. Joey: Cute. Cute. Dawson turns on the TV News Reporter: Authorities believe they have arrested the multiple mrder known as the lady kller. Identified as David Blanchard. The suspect was found prowling a residential neighborhood in Capeside. When officers inspected his car, they found evidence linking him with the mrder that has been terrorizing the eastern sea board for the past few months. We'll bring you more information on the lady kller arrest in our full report. Joey and Dawson notice that the guy was the same one who had spoken to Joey at the convenient store earlier. They stare at each other with a shocked expression on their face.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x10 - The Scare"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 111 "PRETTY WOMAN" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Kaite Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Original Air Date: May 12, 1998 (Dawson's room. Dawson and Joey are watching TV.) Joey: Ew, what are you watching? Dawson: A special on insect sexual behavior. A visual aide for my biology term paper. (Dawson turns back to the TV.) Dawson: Well how does she know who she's attracted to? They all look the same. Joey: Dawson, they're unlike people. Dawson: You mean people don't find mates by instincts? Joey: Meaning, that the people go by whatever supermodel the media decides to be this week's perfect specimen. Dawson: Hmmm I beg to differ. I don't need Entertainment Tonight to tell me Drew Barrymore is hot. Joey: 20th century men are conditioned to worship women who are nutritionally deprived heroin addicts. In the Renaissance they liked women who were husky, and in some cultures they like women with bones in their noses and plates in their mouths. It's just the way it goes Dawson. Dawson: You're reaching. You know maybe there is some truth in what you're saying but you can't tell me that pure animal instinct doesn't have something to do with what kind of guy you're attracted to. Right? Joey: I haven't the slightest idea Dawson. (The SS Icehouse.) Pacey: So your mom's judging for the Windjammer Days? Dawson: Yeah, they're going to let me cover it for the station. Jen: Well so what are these Windjammer Days? Dawson: It's this yearly event the yacht club holds. A little pageant. They're trying to reel in the last remaining choices the town should style for the season. Joey: It's a blue-blooded tradition that celebrates the grand achievment of being born rich. A culmination of which is an assinine formal dinner held at the yacht club where some young vile who's daddy owns the bank is crowned Miss Windjammer. It's the most archaic display of ageism, racism, and sexism known to man. Pacey: Do they have a swimsuit competition? Dawson: I don't think so. Pacey: You know maybe I could be one of those guys who warms up the girls before they go on stage. Joey: It's not a prn Pacey. Jen: You know my mother use to enter me in these disgusting Little Miss pageants before I was old enough to protest. Dawson: Oh let me guess you twirled a baton. Jen: Meaning? Dawson: Nothing. You should enter. Jen: (sarcastically) Yeah Dawson: No, I mean seriously. I mean, you're beautiful, nobody can dispute that. I can totally picture you strolling past the judges flashing that million dollar smile of yours. (Joey walks off, a little upset.) Jen: Well, I'm afraid my baton-twirling days are over. Dawson: Well first prize is $5,000 and a trip to New York. Jen: Why don't you enter Dawson? I'm sure you have some inspiring ideas on how to achieve world peace. Dawson: World peace is easy. It's the tap dance and pumps I have trouble with. Jen: It's a skill. (Jen leaves.) Pacey: Back-handed insults disguised as complements. It's kind of a novel approach to winning back a woman's affections. Dawson: Well, I figured I'd give it a sht I've tried everything else. Pacey: Why don't you just get over it, man? She has. Dawson: Well, I think I have gotten over it I just, I don't know, winning her back has dissolved into some sort of bizarre hobby. (Jen approaches Joey.) Jen: Slow, huh? Joey: As tourists go, so do the tips. Jen: That bad? Joey: Let me put it this way. Higher education for me will be no farther away than Capeside Community Vocational Institute. Jen: You're smart you can get a scholarship. Joey: Yeah but I can't bank on a full one. Jen: Look Joey. Now that the proverbial wedge, recently referred to as Dawson Leery, is no longer between us, we could actually be friends. I know, I know, it's a bizarre concept, but we may find we have something more in common than just the boy next door. (Joey rolls her eyes and gives her a look.) Jen: Okay. Or not. (Jen begins to walk away and Joey thinks for a second.) Joey: We don't have to like wash each other's hair or do each other's nails do we? (Jen smiles.) (Cut to Capeside High.) Dawson: Pacey! Pacey: I can't find my pen. Dawson: You okay? Pacey: Yeah I just spent the entire morning with my dad telling me what a scholastically inept, atheletically challenged, underachieving loser I am. I'm fine! Dawson: He said that? Pacey: Yeah, first he starts in on the failing biology thing and then he goes straight into the skipping school to do Providence thing. Dawson: What about the stealing his car thing? Pacey: I prefer to call it borrowing. It's not like I klled anybody. Alright? And if I have to hear the words, "Why can't you be more like your brother Doug" one more time, my head is going to explode. Dawson: Well you're more than welcome to crash at my house for a few days. Pacey: Thanks but I was thinking of something a little more permanent. Dawson: Pacey forget about it your father is never going to let you move out of his house. Pacey: Actually he told me as soon as I want to become an emancipated minor to just show him where to sign. Check this out. Personal ads, $250 a month. Dawson: That's Mill Street. Capeside's only official tenement. Pacey: Well it beats the Whitter family house horrors, doesn't it? Dawson: How are you going to pay for this roach-infested bachelor party? Pacey: Well that's the problem isn't it? With my video store wage I can't even afford a two-man tent. You don't need an assistant for that beauty pageant thing, do you? Dawson: I'm not even getting paid. The only person making any money off this is Little Miss Windjammer herself. Pacey: Maybe I'll just toss my tiara into the rink. You know a $5,000 dollar reward....that would get me into one of those executive bachelor pads downtown. Dawson: Yeah, well, I'm afraid you're God given ability to relieve yourself standing up is going to keep you out of this one. Pacey: Once again, sexual discrimination rears it's ugly head. But wouldn't that just piss my dad off. (Cut to the cafeteria.) Jen: You know Joey, you're one of the prettiest girls in the school. I don't get it, how come everytime I give you a complement you look at me like I'm trying to ht on you? Joey: I don't know. I guess it just sorta makes me feel a little uncomfortable, that's all. Jen: Why? Joey: I know I'm not pretty. Stop it. Jen: You know it's funny Joey but when I was dating Dawson I was petrified that anyday he'd take the blinders off and realize how gorgeous you are. Joey: Yeah right. When guys look at you they think, "Wow. What a babe." When they look at me they think, "Hmm, gee she's really tall." Jen: You know I think you should enter the Miss Winjammer pageant. Joey: What drugs are you on? Jen: No, c'mon I'm serious. Listen I'll coach you. You could easily take that evening gown competition, and scholastic and academic part, that would be a slam dunk for you Joey. Joey: Let's not go overboard on this let's-be-friends-female-bonding thing, okay Jen? Jen: Joey, c'mon you might actually find that we have fun together. Joey: I wouldn't degrade myself. Jen: One night of your life, $5,000 Joey. I'd say that's a pretty respectable college nestegg don't you think? (Cut to the yacht club.) Jen: C'mon Miss America. Joey: Why do I feel like I'm about to send the Woman's Movement back 20 years? Jen: Well, if I were you I'd start filling out those Ivy League applications, the competition does not look like much. (Cut to Miss Windjammer signups.) Pacey: This is unconstitutional. Lady: I assure you Mr. Whitter, there is nothing in the constitution that says that you have the right to enter this pageant. Pacey: Yeah and there's nothing in your rulebook that says I can't! Huh? Take a look. Lady: This is the MISS Windjammer contest. Dawson: Jen! Joey! Wait up. So what are you two doing here? Jen: Are you kidding me? Pacey is going to enter the Miss Windjammer pageant? Dawson: Why not? Last year Ashley Elliot successfully sued to join the boy's football team. I think it's one of the more intrepid things that Pacey has ever done. He pulled the gender gap wide open. Jen: Well, I guess we all know what's in it for you. Dan Rather. Dawson: Tell me about it. All I normally get is a little mention on the 11 o' clock news. Now I actually have a sht at a feature story. So I see you decided to enter after all. Jen: No, no I'm, I'm just here to coach. Dawson: Who are you coaching? Jen: (signals to Joey) Look, uh, I'll see you guys later. Okay? I'm going to go watch Pacey make an ass out of himself. Dawson: Very funny. Is this some kind of exposé for the paper? Get out! Joey Potter entering a beauty pageant? This is classic. Joey: Oh, I see. You think I'm such a barking car chaser that a D student with a Julius Caesar haircut has a better sht than me? Thanks a lot. Dawson: Joey, no. I know how you feel about these things. This is so not you. Why didn't you tell me? Joey: Because I knew you'd make me feel like an even bigger idiot than I already am. And believe me Dawson nobody's laughing harder at this than I am. But unfortuneatly the opportunity to win $5,000 no matter how slim or humiliating or ludicrous my chances are, you know money has to take precedence over everything. And winning my college education does. Dawson: Joey, I didn't know you were serious about this. I mean, you kind of caught me by surprise. Joey: You know I'm glad you find my pathetic life so amusing Dawson. Dawson: Joey, c'mon you're my best friend I'd never laugh at you. Joey: You just did Dawson. (Cut to yacht club.) Pacey: Well if it isn't Hannah Von Winning of the Barl Harbor Von Winnings. Hannah: Pacey Whitter. Let me guess. You're here washing dishes for the remedial work study program for Capeside's underpriveledged youth. Pacey: Oh that's so compassionate of you Hannah. So how's the Swiss boarding school? Hannah: It's in Connecticut you moron. Wait, you're the guy entering this contest? Figures. Class clown of Capeside High. You know I never figured you as a pre-opt transexual but now that I think about it evening gown, high heels. Pacey: I assure you that my sexuality is intact, okay? I'm not the one taking group showers at an all girls school. But given the opportunity... Lady: Welcome ladies! Pacey: (raises his hand) Uh. Lady: And gentlemen. I'd like to welcome you all to the orientation for the 35th annual Miss Windjammer pageant. The rules for the pageant are listed clearly in your handbook which will be completely revised next year. The Miss Winjammer pageant also... Hannah: So Pacey...what are you going to do for the talent competition? Recite the alphabet? Jack a car? Pacey: You know ladies, I say we vote Hannah Miss Congeniality, what do you say? Hannah: You are such a bafoon. (Cut to Joey's house. Jen is coaching her walk straight while Joey struggles with a book on her head.) Jen: Joey walking in heels is probably the hardest part. Don't worry you're doing great. (The book falls off. Joey sits down in frustration.) Joey: Why are you doing this? Jen: Well, poise and grace is really important to the judges and considering your height Joey: No, I mean...what's in it for you? I mean, the fact that I've been a first class bitch to you since the day you got here is pretty much public knowledge. Jen: In New York I didn't exactly hang out with a lot of other girls. Okay? I mean I've never even had close girlfriends. And as far as I can tell, neither have you. I don't know, don't you ever feel like you're missing out on something. Joey: Well, why don't you just go hang out with the Capeside peps club. I mean, associating with me won't exactly send your popularity points soaring up the social Richter scale. Jen: The same reason you don't, alright? They're a bunch of mentlly arrested airheads. You know your perception of me is almost as misguided as your perception of yourself. Well, we're going to have to work on your self-esteem issue but first, back to the basics, come on. (The Leery's house. Mitch and Dawson are in the living room getting a taste of Pacey's portion of the talent competition.) Pacey: (singing) Start spreading the news da da da dum da da da da dum, I'm leaving today, I want to be a part of-- Mitch: Uh Pacey can you um do you do anything else? Dawson: We can work on the talent problem later. But what are we going to do about the evening wear? Pacey: Well, actually. I could get my hands on this tasty little red polyester number that my sister wore as a bridesmaid. Dawson: Pacey if you want to win this thing you've got to take it seriously. If you win, the press is going to be all over this thing, CNN. I mean, this could be international news. Mitch: I mean by breaking this experiment you become a political activist. Challenging social stereotypes. Pacey: I kind of just want to make some extra cash. (Cut to Jen's house. Jen and Joey are looking out the window at Dawson's house.) Joey: So...what's going on with you two? Jen: Me and Dawson? We're...we're just figuring things out. You know I mean it was a little rough for awhile but we've got time. It's not like he's going anywhere. So...so what about you and Dawson? Joey: What about us? Jen: Well, you know, I was just wondering, I mean now that he's available and everything. Joey: Dawson will always see me as the gawky little girl down the creek with band-aids on her knees and the one braid falling out. I don't know maybe that's how it's meant to be. Jen: I don't know what to say. Plenty of fish in the sea, right? Joey: Yeah. (Cut back to the Leery's living room.) Dawson: Have you talked to Joey lately? Pacey: No, not since our night of naked face suckin'. I'm kidding. Why? Dawson: She's acting cool but she's been avoiding me. Pacey: And? Dawson: And I don't know what to do. I miss her when she's not around. Pacey: Oh at last the moment of truth. Well thank God maybe we can all go home now. Dawson: Pacey I know you're obsessed about with this little theory of yours, but the truth is I've never though of Joey in a romantic context. I've always thought of her as like a sister. I just don't think I could ever get past that. If Joey and I got together it would be, a little incestuos. Pacey: So what you're saying is you don't want her but you don't want anybody else to have her either? (Dawson is interviewing contestants of the pageant. Dawson: Tell us something about yourself. Girl #1: I'd like to study early education. Or help the children with special needs. That means when they're crippled or retrd or something. Or maybe I'll become an actress or a model because a lot of people keep telling me I'm pretty enough. Dawson: Okaaay. Girl #1: After completing that year..(fade off) (Joey and Jen see Dawson doing the interviews.) Joey: Wait a minute. Dawson's doing the interview? Jen: Don't worry. It's just a pre-interview, okay? They're having everybody put on tape for the judges to see. Don't worry! The real stuff is live on stage in the pageant. (Cut back to Dawson.) Dawson: Please tell us your name and something about yourself. Roberta: I'm Roberta Crump. I'm a senior at Capeside...um... (Pacey is practicing his magic, his next idea for the talent competition.) Pacey: Hey...you wanna see the great Pacey-dini pull a rabbit out of this hat? Hannah: Oh a magic act. How appropriately juvenile of you. Pacey: You know all this sexual tension really can not be good for your complexion. What do you say you and I go backstage and do a little something about it... Hannah: Please, I just ate. (Cut back to Dawson.) Roberta: ...I've recently been accepted into the Julliard School of Music. But I'll be delaying my entrance for a year until I've completed a full year at the peace corps. (Cut back to Pacey.) Pacey: But you already had your chance didn't you? Hannah: Yeah I already turned you down once in 5th grade. Pacey: Actually you stood me up. Hannah: Whatever. Pacey let me ask you something. Do you really think in a million years you could ever win this thing? I mean, what is the point? Pacey: Well, maybe I don't have a chance at winning, but if I could take just one vote away from you and make you know what it feels like to be a loser, then this is all worth while. (Cut back to Dawson. Joey is his next interview.) Dawson: If you could commit one act without consequence what would it be? Joey: I'd rob a bank so I wouldn't have to be here. Dawson: Be serious. Let's just get through this, okay? Joey: Alright. Dawson: Um, what kind of example would you like to set for your children? Joey: I guess I want them to treat others the way they want to be treated. It sounds pretty simple, but it pretty much applies to everything. Dawson: Who's your inspiration, role model, or mentor in life? Joey: I guess I don't really have one. I've always had to depend on myself. Dawson: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Joey: I don't know. In some romantic adventure or, on a dig in Tunisia, or a safari in Africa, I don't know. A research boat on it's way to Antarctica. Dawson: When you talked about getting out of Capeside I thought you meant like Boston University. I mean, the polar ice cap is pretty far away. Joey: Well that's the point. Dawson: Yeah but there must be things that you'll miss. I mean, family, friends... Joey: Of course. But life goes on Dawson. Things change. Dawson: They don't have to. Joey: Yes they do. Everything changes eventually. That's just the way life is and you have no control over it. Like suddenly people who you think are always going to be there, they disappear. You know? People die and they move away and they grow up. Everything changes eventually Dawson. (Cut to the pageant.) Mistress of Ceremonies: Excuse me ladies and gentlemen. Could you please take your seats? Welcome to the Miss WindJammer beauty pageant. (Cut to the dressing room.) Joey: I look like a dweeb. Jen: No you don't. Joey: Everyone's going to laugh at me. Jen: Oh I forgot. I want you to put this Vaseline on your teeth. Okay? Joey: Why? Jen: Just trust me, alright? It keeps your lips from sticking to your teeth when you smile. Joey: Wait a second. I have to smile? You never said anything about smiling. (Dawson enters Pacey's dressing room - a closet.) Pacey: If you even make one joke about coming out of the closet I swear I... Dawson: I can't man. Too obvious. Let me get that. Pacey: Tell me the truth Dawson. Do you think I'm a complete fool for doing this? Dawson: When did you start considering yourself a public opinion? Pacey, I think you've got testicles of steel for doing this. Pacey: Really? Dawson: Yeah, here. (throws him a jar of Vaseline) My mom said to put that on your teeth. Pacey: Why? Dawson: I have absolutely no idea. (Cut to onstage.) MC: And so now ladies and gentlemen here are the contestants in their evening wear. (Some girls walk out in their evening wear.) Thank you, Miss Johnson. And now Miss Josephine Potter. (Joey walks out. Dawson looks at her, amazed at what he sees.) (Cut to backstage.) Pacey: Could it be Cinderella's fairy godmother did her job a little too well? (Cut to onstage.) MC: Thank you Miss Potter. (Cut to backstage.) Pacey: It looks like Prince Charming's found the owner of that glass slipper. Jen: If you have a point I wish you'd get to it. Pacey: C'mon Jen. I mean it's pretty obvious your missing the undivided attention of our friend Dawson. Maybe feeling a little dumper's remorse? Jen: You're way off, alright? Pacey: Tell me is it the possibility of losing him to someone else that suddenly makes him seem so attractive? Jen: You really think that I am that shallow, huh? Pacey: No. I think you're that human. (Cut to onstage.) MC: And now Mr. Pacey Whitter. (Cut to backstage.) Pacey: That's me! (He walks out, spins around and takes a bow. (Pacey is waiting for his interview behind some girls. His turn comes up.) Pacey: I just like to tell my peers that you don't have to be the handsomest guy, you don't have to be the most intelligent guy. You don't even have to be the biggest football stud to be a damn fine Miss WindJammer. (The audience laughs.) (Pacey's interview.) Pacey: I would tell the world's leaders that a society that chooses wr and death over the preservation of life can not possibly succeed or thrive. And I guess if that didn't work I'd just tell them I had dirty photos of them, yeah? (The audience laughs again.) (Cut to the judge's table.) Pacey: So, how am I doing Mrs. Leery? Gail: Pacey! I gotta tell you. You are funny. You're charming. The audience loves you. Pacey: Seriously? Gail: You may not have a snowball's chance in hell of winning but you're definitely keeping me from falling asleep. Pacey: I'm not even in the running? Gail: Pacey you know these people would rather see this club go down in flames before they would actually crown a male Miss Windjammer. Pacey: Yeah but for me to be written off is just completely unfair. Gail: Honey, fair and beauty pageants aren't exactly synonmous. (Cut to backstage.) Jen: Just think in approximately 2 minutes and 35 seconds this will all be over. Joey: Yeah but I've never had to sing in front of people before. What if I suck? Jen: (gently pushing her) And don't forget to smile! Onstage* MC: Singing "On My Own" from Les Miserables, Miss Josephine Potter. (Cut to onstage.) Dawson: You did an incredible job on Joey. God, it's amazing. Jen: I think we're finally broke into the ranks of being friends. But I miss our friendship, too Dawson. Dawson: Me too. Jen: And..and not just our friendship but I guess what I'm trying to say is... Joey: (singing) On my own, pretending he's beside me All alone, I walk with him til morning. Without him, I feel his arms around me. And when I lose my way, I close my eyes, and he has found me. In the rain,The pavement shines like silver. All the lights, are misty in the river In the darkness the trees are full of starlight, And all I see is him and me forever and forever. And I know, it's only in my mind, That I'm talking to myself, And not to him. And although,I know that he is blind, still I say, there's a way for us. I love him, but when the night is over. He's gone, the river's just a river. Without him, the world around me changes, the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. I love him, But everyday I'm learning All my life, I've only been pretending Without me, his world will go unturning The world is full of happiness that I have never known. I love him,I love him,I love him but only on my own. (Applause from the audience) MC: Thank you. That was Josephine Potter ladies and gentlemen. (Cut to backstage. Dawsons goes to get Pacey.) Dawson: Alright Pacey hurry up you're on. Pacey: Damn it. Dawson: Relax. You're doing great. Pacey: I need to know something Dawson. When I asked you if doing this thing was stupid and you made me believe that it had a point...did you ever actually believe that I had a chance at winning this thing? Dawson: C'mon Pacey. Pacey: That's what I thought. Just another thing for the kids to laugh about Monday morning at school. And who am I to disappoint, right? Dawson: Wait, you're not going to do something stupid, are you? Pacey: Those people suck! How can I possibly leave here without letting them know that little known fact? I mean, I'm going down I've got nothing to lose. Dawson: Wait a minute, Pacey! Pacey: Excuse me Dawson. I gotta show to do. (Cut to onstage.) MC: Pacey Whitter has changed his program. Instead of a magical act he will perform a dramatic interpretation. Pacey: (in a bad rendition of an Irish accent) Well, I'm not William Wallace. But I am Pacey Whitter. Dawson: (from offstage) Pacey Whitter's seven feet tall. Pacey: So they say. So they say. And they say that this Pacey Whitter is a dangerous man who slaughters Capeside residents by the dozen with his bare hands. And if he were here he would destroy those who would judge him with sparks from his eyes and wits from his ass. (Audience laughs.) Pacey: (he goes on) Well I am Pacey Whitter. But who of you are in the position to judge me? Is it you, sir? And what sorts of human beings tolerate being judged? Well judgement stops today. And that which condones me, seems to own me. And I am willing to betray the trappings of my disfunctional life for one chance, just one chance, to stand in front of my fellow countrymen and tell them that you may take my life, but you will never take my freedom!!! Thank you and goodnight. (Cut to backstage. Joey passes by a room and overhears some girls talking.) Hannah: She won't win but if she does it's because she's a total charity case. Girl: What do you mean? Hannah: Oh my god, check it out. She lives in a trailer with her sister who just had an illegitimate baby with her black boyfriend. (Joey is obviously hurt and turns to leave. Dawson sees this.) Joey: Dawson, don't try to get me to go back out there. God, I mean, setting myself up like this I am such an idiot. Dawson: Joey listen to me. Look, you were phenomenal out there. Don't let these inbred idiots get you down. If you leave now you're never going to forgive yourself. Joey: Look, I don't belong here Dawson. I mean look at me. I mean, how could I have stooped this low for money? I might as well have just sold myself on a street corner. Dawson: Joey do you realize you could win this thing? Why do you think they're slamming you? They're terrified of you. They know that you can bat them. Joey: I don't want their money Dawson. I don't want anything from these people. It makes me - - Dawson: I don't think its about the money anymore. Joey I know we're not speaking right now, okay? But if we were, I would tell my best friend, who was always afraid to get up in front of class for show-and-tell, how incredibly proud I am of her. How I think she has got more guts and talent and strength of character than all the Hannah Von Winning's in the world put together. (Cut to Joey onstage.) MC: For your final question, Miss Potter, please tell us what words of advice you would bestow upon today's youth. Joey: I'd like to tell today's youth that no matter where life takes you, big cities, small towns, you'll inevitably come across small minds. (She glances over the side at the stage where Hannah is watching her.) People who think that they're better than you are. People who think that material things, or being pretty or popular automatically makes you a worth while human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter unless you have strength of character, integrity, sense of pride, and if you're lucky enough to have any one of these things....don't ever sell them. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, please don't judge them by their station of life, because, who knows, that person just might end up being your best friend. Thank you. (Applause.) (The winners are being annonunced.) MC: And now the exciting moment we've all been waiting for. Our second runner up and two tickets to the Realto for any Tuesday or Thursday matinee is Miss Hannah Von Winning. (There is applause as Hannah unahppily accepts her award.) MC: Congratulations. Our first runner up and winner of a free day of beauty at Betty's Hair Barn is Miss Josephine Potter. (Applause again. Dawson , Jen, and Pacey are happey for her.) MC: Congratulations. And the winner of this year's Miss WindJammer is... Miss Roberta Kropp! (More applause.) (As the girls walk offstage, Dawson goes up to her. She flashes her prize and then leaves. Later Gail and Dason are outside walking and see Joey.) Gail: Joey, honey, you were truly spectacular tonight. You know I voted for you. You should be very proud. Joey: I am. Gail: You kids need a ride home? Dawson: No, we'll walk. Gail: Okay, goodnight. Dawson: Goodnight, Mom. Gail: Goodnight, honey. Dawson: This is the first time in my life that I've been completely speechless. (Joey smiles.) Dawson: What's happening Joey? Joey: I don't know. (Jen walks up un time to see Dawson take Joey's hand and they sit on a bench.) Dawson: I looked at you tonight, and I...and I...it was like you came completely out of your shell. There was like this total new found confidence that just seemed to burst from you. And I know what it must have taken for you to get up and do that tonight. God, look at you. (Joey laughs nervously.) Dawson: (cont.) It's like you transformed into this beautiful goddess. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: God, I mean, I'm sitting here with my best friend in the world, and my palms are sweating. I've known you forever, but I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time tonight. Joey? What's wrong? (Joey smiles, but suddenly stops.) Joey: I don't know, Dawson. There's something that's just not right about this. Dawson: Joey I thought this was what you wanted. I mean... Joey: Well, I was wrong. I mean, dressing up, playing the princess. You and I both know this isn't me. Dawson: Of course it is. Joey: I thought this was what I wanted. You to see me as beautiful. For you to look at me the way that you look at Jen. But the truth is, I don't want that at all Dawson. I want you to look at me and see the person you've always known and realize that what we have is so much more incredible than some passing physical attraction because you know what Dawson? This is just lipstick. wipes it off* And this is just hair spray. takes her hair down Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, and I'm going to be Joey. Just Joey. The too-tall girl from the wrong side of the creek. Dawson: Joey this is all new. We should talk about it. No matter what happens. We can't go back to the way things were. Joey: Dawson, you've had a lifetime to process your feelings for me. And I can't spend the rest of my life hoping that you might throw a general glance in my direction between all the t*rture-teen romances when every Jen Lindley rolls around. Dawson: Joey don't walk away from this. Joey: I have to Dawson. (Joey leaves Dawson, looking confused.) (Pacey walks up to Hannah.) Pacey: How's it going? Hannah: Time to gloat? Pacey: No. I've had more experience at being a loser and thought that you might want some pointers seeing that this is your first time. Hannah: First time? My brother Matt is on the national tennis team, Caroline's a pediatrician, and Jennifer's a foreign correspondent on CNN, and me, I can't even win a stupid small-town beauty pageant. Pacey: It's not like you need the money. Me, on the other hand, I'm stuck living at home, probably for the rest of my life with a bunch of people who think I'm a blight on mankind. Hannah: Well aren't we a couple of black sheep? By the way that was a really ballsy thing you did in there tonight. Pacey: Thank you. Oh what I wouldn't do to go away for school and be somebody else for awhile. Hannah: I've had a total of 23 days at home this year. My last school break, I came home to an empty house. It seems my spring break created a scheduling conflict in my parent's social calendar. Pacey: You're kidding. Hannah: Roger will probably spend more time in that place than I will. Pacey: Who's Roger? Hannah: The dog. Pacey: Alright. (Cut to Dawson's house. Dawson is sitting at the front steps thinking to himself.) Dawson: Hi. Jen: So, how'd your day go as a newsman? Dawson: Turns out, it's going to be a blip in the 11 o'clock news. Jen: Wow. This may seem like its kind of coming out of the blue but, um, the truth is I haven't thought about much else since Dawson. Look, I know that we didn't really give our relationship a chance, well um, I didn't give it much of a chance. And you're right I didn't really give you a good reason for the break-up and truth is, I don't even know. Is it too late to ask for another chance? Dawson: You're kidding. Jen: I couldn't be more serious. Dawson: God, Jen. Jen: Uh I guess I got the answer. Dawson: It's just that, you know, now's really not the best time. I don't know, I kind of, there's something I need to figure out first. Jen: Okay, well, you know where I am. Dawson: How could I forget. Jen: Goodnight Dawson. Dawson: Goodnight Jen. (Cut to Joey's bedroom. She is listening to "On My Own." She pulls her hair up and smiles. Cut to Dawson's room. He is smiling too...)	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x11 - Pretty Woman"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 112 Season 1 Finale: "Breaking Away" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Joey: Kaite Holmes Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Doug: Dylan Neal Jen: Michelle Williams Original Air Date: May 19, 1998 (Dawson is in his room. He picks up a green insect that is at the head of his bed. He turns around to see Joey climbing through his window.) Dawson: Hey! Joey: Hey. Dawson: You're here! Joey: Yeah. I thought we were watching movies, Dawson. Dawson: Yeah. I'm glad you're here. I just. I didn't think. I didn't even get any movies from the store. Joey: (disappointed) Well, actually, I came by to tell you that I couldn't make it. So. Dawson: You dropped by to tell me you couldn't drop by? Joey: Yeah. See you, Dawson. (Joey begins to walk towards the window.) Dawson: Joey, stay. We can watch bad reruns and throw sarcastic remarks at the television. Joey: (walking towards Dawson's bed) Well, for the record, I'm getting pretty tired of television. I mean, the metaphor alone is making me nauseous. Dawson: What are you talking about? Joey: I mean, every night, it's the same. We hang out in your Speilbergized bedroom and watch obscure movies and TV reruns, It's so predictable. (Dawson turns on his TV and starts watching.) Dawson: This is a great show. (Dawson sits down on his bed and Joey puts one knee on the bed.) Dawson: It's a huge two-parter with a big cliffhanger. Joey: Cliffhanger? Come on, Dawson, you of all people should know that a cliffhanger is merely a manipulative TV standard designed to improve ratings. Dawson: No, a cliffhanger's purpose is to keep people interested and keep them guessing what's going to happen in future episodes. (Joey sits on the bed and takes the remote control from Dawson.) Joey: Yeah but just like in our own lives, they are so predictable. (Joey turns the television off and turns to Dawson.) Joey: I mean the producers put the characters in some contrived situation hoping that the audience will think something is going to change. But you know what? It neverdoes. It's back to the same way it was before your so-called cliffhanger. It's boring, Dawson. Dawson: Well, what if this time it was different? What if this time in the cliffhanger, something changes? You wouldn't want to miss that, would you? (Dawson takes the remote control back and turns the TV back on.) Joey: It still sounds like one big tease to me, Dawson. ************************************ Dawson's Creek theme song and credits. ************************************ (Grams is holding Jen's grandfather's hand and talking to him at his bedside.) Grams: What else? Arthur Elders missed the meeting for the third week in a row. He said his staff meeting ran late but Marisa Parker saw him leave the Happy Hour at the Roman Fryer, which doesn't surprise me one bit. And in addition, your granddaughter and I seem to be co-existing lately. (Jen appears at the door and listens.) Grams: She broke it off with Dawson Leery though. Heaven help her, just between you and me, I think she's starting to miss him. (Grams touches his face as Jen goes into the room.) Jen: How's he doing this morning? Grams: Peaceful. No real change. Same sleep he's been in for the past three months. (Jen goes over to her Gramps and touches his hand) Jen: Well, I'll see you after school. Grams: Okay. Oh, don't forget your sweater. It's going to turn cool this afternoon. Jen: I know. Bye, Gramps. (Jen touches his hand once more before leaving.) Gramps: (slowly) Good-bye Jen. (Grams rushes to the door.) Grams: Jennifer! Jennifer! He's awake. (Jen runs back to the room in amazement.) (Jen and Dawson are at Capeside high walking down the halls.) Jen: I just feel like this giant cloud has been lifted off my shoulders, you know? (Dawson laughs.) Jen: I mean, they had to take him to the hospital to run some more tests so I can't see him until tomorrow. I don't know. For the first time in a long time, I feel like letting loose and having some fun. I mean, I know it's a school night and everything. (Dawson turns his locker combination.) Jen: But what do you say? You and me? Dawson: Umm. Tonight, actually I have plans with Joey. I guess I could ask her if we could bag. (Dawson opens his locker to put his books away.) Jen: No, no, whatever. (Jen sees Joey walking down the hall.) Jen: Speak of the devil. (Dawson closes his locker and turns around to see Joey.) Dawson: Joey! (Joey stops and turns to see Dawson and Jen.) Joey: Oh, Hey guys. Dawson: Is everything okay? Joey: Yeah. I think so. How do you go about getting a passport? Dawson: Why? Where are you going? Joey: Mrs. Tringle just informed me that Grace Elkins turned down a scholarship to spend next semester in France because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend so the faculty had to pick a replacement and... (Jen and Joey are thrilled at the announcement, but Dawson is somewhat disappointed.) Jen: And they picked you? Joey: Yeah. Jen: Dawson, isn't that amazing? (Dawson takes a step foward towards Joey.) Dawson: Wai..Wait a minute, slow down. You're going to France? Joey: shrugs her shoulders I don't know yet. I mean, I have two days to decide. Dawson: If you did go, when would you leave? Joey: Two weeks. (Joey glances over at Jen.) Joey: Umm, See you guys later. (Joey leaves the two with Dawson still in a state of shock.) Jen: I definitely think she should go, don't you? Dawson: Umm, why not? (Dawson walks back to his locker, slightly dazed.) (At the S.S. Icehouse, Bessie is cleaning up one of the tables as Joey is telling her about France.) Joey: I mean,France is so far away.I won't know anybody, I don't speak the language, plus I don't know if I could spend a year in any country that worships Mickey Roark. Bessie: Well, whatever you decide to do, I think it's an honor just to be asked. Really, kid, I'm proud of you. Dad will be too when you tell him all about it. (Bessie piles up a bunch of dirty dishes and starts walking to another table. Joey follows Bessie.) Joey: Uh, question. Why would I tell Dad? Bessie: Don't tell me you've forgotten what tomorrow is. Joey: Apparently, I have. Bessie: It's his birthday, Joey. Joey: Well, you're on your own Bessie. Enjoy yourself. Bessie: I'm not going Joey. You are. (Bessie walks away from the table and Joey continues to follow her.) Joey: Wake up, Bessie. I am not going anywhere. Bessie: Joey, we made a deal. I know you remember alternating birthday visits as long as he's in there. Now, I went last year, so according to my calculations, it's your turn. Joey: Forget it. Bessie: You're not getting out of this one. If you don't go, I swear to God, I'll make you regret it. (Bessie puts the tray of dirty dishes down and turns to face Joey.) Bessie: Look, I know you're still angry at him for what he did to Mom and to us, I am too. But you know what, Joey? He's still our father. Joey: Yeah, our father who art in prison. (Joey walks away.) (Cut to Pacey who is riding his bike down the street. We hear a police siren as Doug pulls up next to Pacey. Pacey gets off his bike, drops it, and walks over to the driver's side of the car.) Pacey: What do you want, man? I have to go to work. Doug: Dad's looking for you. He's pissed. Pacey: Gee, I wonder what it is I did this time? Doug: Well, I'd say it's more like what you didn't do, like pass any of your mid-terms this semester. Principal Igar called to issue the official failure watch and frankly, Dad's a little worried. Pacey: Well, you tell him that the concern is appreciated but he should save it for the closet case with the gn. (As Pacey walks back to his bike, Doug gets out of his car.) Doug: Tell me something, Pacey. Does being the leading contender for the title of the official joke of Capeside bother you even a little bit? 'Cause I must say it's a distinction the rest of the Witter family would rather live without. Pacey: Why don't you just run along and go grab a cat out of a tree or something and tell Dad that if he wants to talk to me he should do it himself. Doug: You know one day, Pacey, you're going to be tired of being a joke and it's going to be too late. You're going to wake up and realize you're just a bad punchline nobody's laughing at. You have a good day now, little brother. (Doug goes back to his police car and drives off as Pacey takes off on his bike.) (Cut to Dawson and Joey are purchasing tickets at the Piedmont Coach Lines ticket office. Afterwards, they head towards the railing that looks out to the creek.) Joey: You know, thanks a lot for coming with me, Dawson. I could kll Bessie for making me do this. Dawson: Not a problem. When was the last time you saw your dad anyway? Joey: Two years ago. (Joey leans against the railing and turns to face Dawson) Joey: About the same time I discovered he was trffick marijuana while cheating on my dying mother with a bleached blonde cocktail waitress. Dawson: Well, it's only for today. (Dawson puts his hand on Joey's shoulder) Dawson: You'll get through it, I promise. Joey: Thanks. Dawson: By the way, any decision on the European thing? Joey: Still waiting out for the fantasy elements. Dawson: It's an incredible opportunity. Joey: And what would you do if I left? Dawson: Umm. (Dawson also leans back against the railing and looks at her as he smiles.) Dawson: su1c1de. Something painless, you know, pills, car fumes maybe. Joey: No, really Dawson. What would you do? Dawson: If Paris made you happy, (pause) then I'd be happy for you. (A bus pulls up to the prison gate. Dawson gets off with Joey behind him. They walk around to the other side of the bus and stop for awhile.) Dawson: So, Are you ready? Joey: No. Dawson: Hang tough. Dawson goes to grab her hand but she tries to pulls away. They walk up to a prison information booth to see the time. 5:05pm.) Joey: You're kidding me. We missed visiting hours? Prison Guard: I'm sorry these are the rules. Family visitation ends promptly at 5 o' clock. Joey: Yeah, but we just spend 4 hours on a bus. I mean, what are we supposed to do now? Prison Guard: Look, Miss. I know you think your problem is very important and I'm sure to you, it is, but here at a prison housing over 800 felons it's not even a blimp on the radar. Now can I ask you are we done here yet? (Joey and Dawson walk away and stop by a fence.) Joey: This is becoming a far bigger nightmare than I ever anticipated. Dawson: Look, Joe. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to get this over with. If you ask me really nicely, I'll come back with you tomorrow. Joey: Thanks for the offer Dawson, but there's got to be a better solution then spending another day on the bus. Dawson: Maybe there is. (Joey and Dawson founr the Liveless Motel and spend their night there. Dawson is watching TV when Joey comes out of the bathroom. She switches the bathroom light off and walks over to the bed.) Dawson: I just got off the phone with my mom and she said she'd tell Bessie we had to stay overnight. Feel like watching some TV? Joey: No thanks, I'm pretty tired. I think I'm just going to ht the sack. (Dawson gets up from the bed and turns the TV off. They walk to the sides of the bed.) Dawson: Okay. So umm are we sleeping left to right? (Joey takes her jacket off.) Joey: Yeah, as usual is fine with me. (Dawson begins to unbutton his shirt) Dawson: Okay. It's just the first time we've ever slept together in a foreign bed. Joey: Is that a problem, Dawson? Dawson and Joey both take their shoes off and Joey turns the light off. Dawson: No, it's just different, you know? A little weird. (Dawson and Joey both get into the bed and try to get into a comfortable position.) Joey: And lumpy. (Joey and Dawson are laying on the backs. Dawson glances at Joey and then sits up.) Dawson: You know maybe I should just sleep on the floor. Joey: (sitting up) You can't sleep on the floor. It's freezing. Besides, what's the big deal Dawson? I mean, we've mean sleeping in the same bed for years. Dawson: (laughs nervously) Never mind. Yeah. Dawson and Joey both lay back down. Joey rolls over on her side with her back facing Dawson. Dawson looks over at her and movevs himself closer to her on his side. He puts his head on his hand and watches her. Dawson: Jo? Joey: Yeah? Dawson: I don't want this to affect your decision about France but I would really miss you if you left. Joey: Well, I'd miss you too Dawson. Dawson: I've been thinking about us a lot lately. Joey: (smiling) You have? Dawson: Yeah, I have. Joey: And? Dawson: And I have to figure out where we are.nWhat's going on between us. (Joey rolls over to face him.) Joey: And how do we do that Dawson? (Dawson looks at her.) Dawson: God. I'm sorry Jo I'm not...I'm just not nall there. I mean, I can analyze somebody else until the cows wander home but as soon as I turn all that adult perception on myself, it's like, I completely lose connection between my heart, and my head. It's like the two are incompatible and I can't get it together. And I wish I could because I'm so scared of what may happen if I don't. Does this make any sense to you at all? Joey: What are you so scared of Dawson? (Joey rolls back over.) Dawson: I don't know....I don't know. (Cut to Jen in the hospital waiting room. Grams enters and Jen gets up from her chair.) Jen: How is he? Grams: Tests seem to be going well. They tell me it was because he was lucky, but I know luck has nothing to do with it. I know it's because of our daily prayer and our faith in the Lord. That's what got him through it. Jen: You know, no one's happier about his recovery than me but I very much doubt prayer had a whole lot to do with it. Grams: Jennifer. God has a hand in all good things. (Grams walks behind Jen and sits down.) Jen: Oh but he had nothing to do with wr, famine, AIDS, huh? Grams: It isn't always up to us to understand the Lord's ways. Jen: You know, don't go back to business as usual. Gramps is better. That's all that matters. I guess we'll just enjoy it in our own ways. (Joey is leaning against one of the prison tables talking to Dawson and waiting for her dad.) Dawson: I should probably go now. I'll be right outside. Joey: No, Dawson. You're not going anywhere. Dawson: Joey you haven't seen him in forever. Don't you want to spend some time alone with him? Joey: Yeah right. Like I want to spend time alone with the man who's responsible for the destruction of my family. (Joey's father comes in and takes the seat across from Joey.) Mr. Potter: If I knew you were coming I would have sent for cigars and champagne. A couple of donuts anyway. Joey, you're beautiful. Joey: (clenching her teeth) No, I'm not. Mr. Potter: Hello, Dawson. Dawson: Hello, Mr. Potter. Mr. Potter: I thought the other night you might come, but I thought I better not get my hopes up. Birthdays in prison are depressing enough. Joey: Well, I'm here, aren't I? Mr. Potter: I'm so glad. You have no idea. You're all grown up. It's amazing. Joey: Well, that's what people do. They grow up. (Dawson looks down.) Mr. Potter: How's...uh...school? Joey: That's what you wanna talk about? Mr. Potter: What do you want to talk about? Joey: Nothing. Mr. Potter: It gets so lonely here, Joey. I miss you. And your sister. I miss my family. Joey: Your family? Tell me this, do you miss Mom? Mr. Potter: Yes, very much. Joey, talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking. Joey: You don't want to know what I'm thinking. Believe me. You know this was a mistake. And I guess I should tell you that I'm probably going to be leaving in a few weeks, I'm going to France. (Dawson is surprised at her sudden decision.) Joey: So I won't be around anymore. And that family that you miss - doesn't exist anymore. It's over. (Joey gets up and begins to walk away.) Mr.Potter: It's not over Joey. It's still a family. Joey: Well, it's over for me. Happy Birthday, Dad. (Koey leaves and Dawson gets up, not sure what to do.) Dawson: Joey! (he turns back to Mr. Potter) I should go with her. Umm, I'm sorry Mr. Potter: Dawson wait please. Tell me about her. Tell me about my daughter. Dawson: What do you want to know? Mr.Potter: Anything, everything. Dawson: She's great. (Dawson sits back down where Joey was sitting and becomes involved in his own world.) Dawson: I mean, she's smart, she's beautiful, she's funny, she's a big ol' scaredy cat. If you creep up from behind her she'll jump out of her skin. It's pretty amusing. She's honest. She always calls them just like she sees them. You can always count on getting the truth from Joey even if the truth hurts. She's stubborn. We fight a lot. She can be so frustrating sometimes. But she's a really, really, good friend. I know her to a fault. She believes in me. And I'm a dreamer so it's so good to have somebody like that in my life. If she goes away, I don't know what I'm going to do. I mean, she's my best friend, you know? She's more than that. She's everything. (Cut to Dawson and Joey walking down to the end of the pier. Dawson is walking in front of Joey.) Joey: Okay, whats your deal? Dawson: What do you mean? Joey: You haven't said one word the entire bus ride home. I mean, if anyone should be brooding it's me. Talk to me Dawson. What did he say? (Joey grabs Dawson's arm and turns him around.) Dawson: He asked a lot of questions about you. He misses you. He loves you. You shouldn't have left. Joey: Don't lecture me. (Joey walks in front of Dawson and he follows her.) Dawson: I'm not, but... Joey: But what? Dawson: You've got to deal with him sometime. Joey: I deal with him everyday of my life, okay Dawson? Every single second I am dealing with the legacy he left me. He doesn't want me to deal with him. He wants me to make him feel better. He wants me to say, 'I forgive you, Dad,' but I can't. I don't forgive him for anything. I'm sorry, but I can't. Dawson: Then tell him that. Joey: What's the point? Dawson: The point is he's your father. He's your only father. Joey: I hate him, Dawson. Dawson: Joey, sooner or later you're going to have to deal with these feelings of anger and resentment you've got towards him. Otherwise you're just going to handcuff yourself to him for the rest of your life and it's going to cause you nothing but pain. Joey: Even in Paris? Dawson: You decided to go? Joey: Yes, Dawson. I think a geographic change is exactly what I need. It'll give me time to think, you know, start over, clear my head. Dawson: Running away is not the answer, Joey. Joey: What is the answer Dawson? Why don't you give me one good reason why I should stay? Give me one non-analytical off-the-top-of-your-head reason why I should stay. (Dawson just stares at Joey, speechless.) Joey: I thought so. (A sad Joey gets into her rowboat and paddles away.) (Cut to the hospital. Grams is sitting woth a blank expression.) Jen: Grams? What's wrong? Grams: It's your grandfather. (Grams gets up.) Grams: He's had another stroke. Jen: What? How is he? Grams: He's in intensive care. Jen: But I thought that...I don't understand. Grams: It was unexpected. His heart isn't strong enough to keep him awake. Jen: No, no everything was just turning around. It doesn't make sense. Grams: God has a plan for everything. For your grandfather, for me, for you. (Jen and Grams sit down.) Grams: Now sometimes we can't understand it, wemcan't see it, but this is when prayer is most important. (Grams starts to pray.) Jen: How can you have so much faith in prayer? Just because you pray doesn't mean it can change God. Grams: Oh child, you've got it backwards. Prayer doesn't change God. Prayer changes me. (Joey is preparing for the S.S Icehouse to close when Pacey walks in.) Joey: Sorry Pacey. Kitchen's closed. (Joey picks her tray up and walks to the counter.) Pacey: Please don't make me eat dinner with the Stepford family. (Joey sets her tray down on the counter and starts to walk to somewhere else.) Joey: Uh oh, trouble in paradise? Maybe I could scrape something up. I think I saw some rat droppings behind the oven. Pacey: Great I'll take them. Just pop them in the microwave. Warm them up for me. Joey: That was weird. For a second there I was overcome with this wave of sympathy for you. It'll pass. Pacey: Tell me something, Jo. You have a habit of being annoyingly honest with me. When was it that I got designated a town loser? I mean, I know I've done some stupid things in my life but what was it exactly pushed me over the edge to being a walking, talking embarrassment to my perfect family? Joey: You're not an embarrassment to your family, Pacey. Pacey: According to Deputy Doug, I am. Joey: Well, at least your whole family isn't an embarrassment. I just got back from visiting my dad. Pacey: How'd it go? Fathers are weird creatures, you know that? When I was 8 years old, I used to play Pee Wee baseball. We had this huge game at the end of the season. It was 2 outs, bottom of the ninth, and I was up to bat. I struck out. Anyway, we get home and my dad just proceeds to ream me. Tell me what a loser I am and what a disgrace I am to the whole family and town for losing the game. Next morning I go down to breakfast, and I overhear my dad relaying the events of the game to my brother. I heard him say to him, 'At least I have you.' I never told anybody this but I wish I'd never heard him say that. Joey: Well, maybe you should have a talk with your father. You know, tell him that he hurt you. Pacey: Is that what you did? Joey: No, (Joey gets up and grabs her jacket.) Joey: But I'm going to. Pacey: Yeah? Joey: No, I mean tonight. I'm going to go back there tonight. I have to go back and see him. Pacey: Sorry Jo, but the buses don't run this late. Joey: Well, can you help me? I mean, when have I ever asked you for a favor? I mean, can't you steal your dad's car or something? Pacey: I prefer to call it borrowing, but sure. Joey: Thank you. (Joey and Pacey leave the Icehouse.) (Gramps is laying in a hospital bed with Jen at his bedside.) Jen: I missed you. Just when I thought I was going to get you back, you go away from me again. What am I supposed to do? What can I do to get you out of this bed and back into my life? I feel so helpless sitting here right now because I want to help you so badly and I can't because I want you to help me. I want you to smile at me and I want you to listen to me and I want you to magically uncomplicate my life the way you used to. (Pacey and joey are trying to convince the Prison Guard to let her see her father for a few minutes.) Prison Guard: Like I told the lady before, visiting hours are over at 5. Pacey: You think maybe I could talk to you over here for a second? (Pacey pulls the Guard aside while Joey is left standing by herself. The Guard approaches to Joey.) Prison Guard: Okay, Miss. Follow me. Joey: What did you say to him? Pacey: Just reasoned with the man. Joey: How much did you give him? Pacey: Twenty bucks. Joey: Thanks. (Joey taps Pacey on the arm making him smile. Then she follows the Prison Guard.) (Cut to Dawson who is in his room putting away some of his CD's. Jen comes in through the window as Dawson turns around.) Dawson: (surprised) Jen. Jen: Hi, um, I know I usually use the door but, umm, can I come in? Dawson: Yeah, of course. (Jen climbd into his room and stands by the window.) Dawson: How's your grandfather? Jen: It doesn't really look too good. I think I'm losing him. I feel like I'm losing everybody. Dawson: God, I'm really sorry Jen. Jen: I miss you Dawson. I really do miss you. (Jen sits down on the bed and Dawson sits next to her.) Dawson: I'm here Jen. Jen: No you're not. You're half here and part of that's my fault, Dawson. I blew it, you know? But I'm going to stop blwing it. Dawson: Jen, What are you talking about? Jen: Can I sleep here tonight? Dawson, with you the way Joey does? As friends, can I just lie here with you tonight? Dawson: (hesitantly) Yeah sure. Dawson and Jen get up and walk to the head of the bed. Dawson lays down on the bed and Jen lays down on his chest as she starts to cry. "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan plays in the background. Dawson: It'll be okay Jen. It'll be okay. (Cut to Joey at the prison. She is standing by the chained link fence waiting for her father to come outside. Sarah McLachlan's Angel continues to play in the background. Joey's father walks over to the fence that separates them.) Joey: Hi. I hardly know what I'm doing here. That's not true umm. Look, I came here tonight because I wanted to tell you that you messed up. You really messed up. And not because you broke the law or you got caught or that you left me without a father. You messed up because you don't know me. I'm your daughter and you don't know me at all. So I guess I just came to say that I'm alright. I turned out pretty good. And I'm going to be okay, no help from you. And uh, I just have one question. (she pauses) Do you love me? (start crying here) Mr. Potter: More than you'd ever know. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Joey: Do you think about me? Mr. Potter: Sweetheart, all day long, everyday, every hour, every minute. Joey: Do you really love me though? Because I'm 15 years old and I go through everyday of my life thinking nobody loves me. Mr. Potter: Well nothing could be further from the truth. (Mr. Potter looks at Joey.) Mr. Potter: I'm not the only one. Dawson Leery. He loves you Joey. (Joey looks down.) Mr. Potter: He's never told you? (Joey shakes her head.) Joey: Ever. Mr. Potter: Well, he does. I know it. Joey: How? Mr. Potter: Because he looks at you the same way your mother used to look at me. (he pauses) And you love him. (Joey nods her head.) Mr. Potter: Have you told him? (Joey shakes her head.) Mr. Potter: You have to tell him Joey. Don't make my mistake. Don't wait til someone you love is eaten with cancer and wasting away while you hold back the one thing they're waiting to hear. (Joey goes up closer to the fence and takes her dad's hand.) Joey: I love you Dad. Mr. Potter: I love you. Joey: I gotta go. (Joey hesitantly pulls her hand away and leaves.) "I'll Be" by Edwin McCain begins playing as Joey rows towards Dawson's. Dawson and Jen are laying in his bed. Jen is awake and caressing his face as he sleeps. Jen: Good morning. Dawson wakes up and puts his hand over his face Dawson: Good morning. Jen: Thanks for letting me crash at your place. Dawson: No problem. (At the same time Jen leans over to kiss Dawson, Joey sticks her head through the window. She quickly climbs down and runs away from Dawson's house.) Dawson: Joey! Joey, wait! Jen: Dawson, she'll be okay. Dawson: (calling out his window) JOEY!!! Oh God! I don't believe this. (Dawson walks over to his chair and puts his shoes on.) Jen: Where are you going? Dawson: I got to stop her. She's got the wrong idea about us. Jen: Does she? Dawson: Yeah. Jen: Are you in love with her Dawson? Dawson: I don't know what I am. I just know I've got to talk to her I've got to go. (Dawson climbs out of his room and heads toward the pier and leaves Jen in his room.) Jen: Good-bye Dawson. Dawson: (at the pier) JOEY!! JOEY!! (Cut to Grams sitting in the chair on the porch with tears streaming down her face.) Jen: How is he? Any change? Grams: I was at the hospital last night. No change. I'm going to church later if you want to join me. What's the matter Jen? Is something wrong? (Gram gets up.) Jen: No, I'm fine. Grams: Do you want to talk about it? Jen: No. Not right now. But thanks. Grams: Come to church with me Jen. Put aside your stubborn beliefs just once and open yourself up to something new. Something that could provide you with an enormous amount of comfort. Jen: Grams. Grams: You know you don't have to be in God's house for him to hear you. (Jen goes inside. She goes to her Gramps' bedroom and looks at a weeding photo of her grandparents. SHe lays down on his bed and holds the picture in her arms as "Broken Roads" by Melodie Crittenden starts to play.) "I set out on a narrow way." (Joey is rowing across the creek.) Dawson: (at Joey's house) Joey? "Many years ago, hoping I could find true love." Dawson is knocking on Joey's door and looking inside the house.) "But I got lost a time or two." (Joey walks down the pier.) "Wipe my brow, kept pushing through." (Joey sits down at the pier.) "I couldn't see how everything pointed straight to you." (Dawson enters the Icehouse and approaches Bessie.) Dawson: Is Joey here? Bessie: No, I haven't seen her. (Dawsonleaves and continues his search.) "Every long lost dream led me to where you are." Joey is sitting at a park bench.) "Others who have broke my heart." Dawson is at the pier where Joey was already. "Were just Northern Stars." (The phone at Jen's house rings. She gets up to answer it.) Jen: Hello...No this is her granddaughter. (Gram's is standing by the door., watching Jen.) Jen: He's gone. "That's led me straight to you. I think about the years." (Dawson is walking down some streets.) "The years I've spent just passing through. I'd like to take the time." (Joey is also walking down the street looking very sad.) "I'd like to take the time I've lost and give it back to you." (Dawson is running down the street.) "You just smile and take my hand, you've been there, you understand, it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true. Every long lost dream, led me to where you are." (Jen enters the church and goes to sit next to her Grams.) Grams: He's in the Lord's hands now. Oh please, Lord take onto him my dearest Love. Keep him safe for me. Jen: And me too. (Grams starts crying.) Grams: Dear God, I miss him so much. (Jen is crying too as she hugs Grams.) "Yes, God bless the broken roads that's led me straight" (Dawson enters his room, throws his jacket on his bed and walks toward his closet) "Straight to you" (Dawson opens his closet and finds Joey sitting on the floor.) Dawson: Joey! God! I've been looking all over for you! (Joey climbs out of the closet and Dawson puts his hand on her shoulder.) Dawson: Look, there's nothing going on between Jen and me. What you saw today was completely innocent. Joey: Look, you don't have to explain to me Dawson. Dawson: Yes I do. Joey: Why? Why do you feel the need to explain? We're just friends. That's all. Dawson: Joey, c'mon you know that's not true. (Joey throws her hands up in the air in frustration.) Joey: So what are we Dawson? (Joey walks to the center of the room.) Joey:You know, I am so tired of the way we relate to one another. We spend all of our time analyzing our sad little adolescent lives. Dawson: I know we know too many big words. But it's a good thing to analyze. Joey: But it doesn't get us anywhere. It doesn't move us forward. We're in the same place we were tehre months ago. It's time to grow up Dawson. (Dawson walks up to Joey.) Dawson: I know, Joey. We can. We are growing up. Joey: No we're not. Everyday is the same. We watch a movie, preferably a Speilberg film, find the appropriate life correlation and then we pat ourselves on the back for being so clever. You know, as much as our perception is right on, our honesty is severely lacking Dawson. Dawson: There is something lacking. Joey: And the reason I came here tonight is because....we need to move on. Look, we're not kids anymore. And I'm not going to do this anymore and I thought you should know. So.. (Joey starts to walk towards the window.) Dawson: So are you going to France? (joey turns around.) Joey: Ah, the inevitable cliffhanger. Am I going to France? Dawson: Are you? (Dawson walks over to Joey.) Joey: Look, I am tired of all the drama in my life right now Dawson. And leaving town just makes the most sense to me so... Dawson: No, it doesn't. Joey: Why should I stay? Is there some new release at the video store I don't know about? It's time to grow up Dawson. Dawson: Well then we'll do it together. Joey, I could grow up give me a chance. Even Speilberg outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome. Joey: I could have told you that months ago, Dawson. (Joey turns to walk away.) Dawson: You did. (Joey turns back towards him and looks down.) Joey: (softly) Yeah. (The whole time, Dawson is smiling.) Joey: Dawson, I'm so tired of dancing around these big words. I just want to be honest with you. Dawson: Me too. Joe, more than anything, I just want to be honest. Joey: Do you think we're ready for that honesty? Dawson: Yeah I do. Joey: Are you sure? Because honesty is a big word and it changes things and it complicates things. Are you sure you're ready for all the things that comes along with telling the truth? Joey looks at Dawson and she becomes hurt. Dawson realizes what he's done.) Joey: I'll see ya Dawson. Dawson: Joey! Joey! (Dawson runs after Joey and grabs her arm to turn her around. He leans in to kiss her. They look at each other and kiss again. She wraps her arms around his neck and he wraps his arms around her waist. We see the camera focusing on Dawson's room, where there is a shadow of Dawson and Joey, kissing passionately.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "01x12 - Breaking Away"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 201 The Kiss Original Air Date: October 7, 1998 In this episode: After their first, wildly passionate kiss, Dawson and Joey fall prey to the all-too-normal insecurities and uncertainties that accompany the death of a platonic relationship and the birth of a romance. On top of it all, Joey needs to make an immediate decision on whether to not to go to France, and a grief-stricken Jen keeps looking to Dawson for support in the wake of her grandfather's death. It all seems as if the deck is stacked against the new couple. Meanwhile, Pacey meets new girl in town, Andie McPhee, who gives the wiseacre a taste of his own medicine after he masquerades as a police officer. And, Mitch visits a divorce lawyer without telling Gale, who blindly believes that they're headed for a complete reconciliation. Dawson's room - Dawson and Joey are kissing as "Say Goodnight" plays in the background. They pull away. Joey: What was that? Dawson: A kiss...I think. Joey: smiles You kissed me. Dawson: I know. Joey and Dawson both have that 'Should we kiss again?' look on their faces Dawson: So.. Joey: So. Dawson: Well.. Joey: Well what? Dawson: Well that was a kiss. Joey: I'll say. Dawson: So now what? Joey: I don't know. Dawson: Me either. Joey: Well, uh, maybe we could.. Joey walks over and sits on the bed. Dawson: What? Joey: Nothing. Dawson walks over and sits beside her. Dawson: No, no, you were going to say something. What were you going to say? Joey: Nothing, I mean, I don't know. I don't know what I was going to say. Dawson: You were going to say we shouldn't have done that. I mean, that's what you're thinking, right? Joey: Actually, Dawson, I don't have a thought in my head now. standing up But apparently, that's what you're thinking so Dawson: No, no, I... Joey: Look. Why don't we sleep on it? Dawson looks at her. Joey: (cont.) Not together! I mean, YOU in your bed and me in mine. Dawson: Right, right, uh, absolutely. Obviously. We'll sleep on it, wake up, and this will all be a dream. Joey: You mean like it never happened? Dawson: Is that what you want? Joey: Is that what YOU want? Dawson just stands there. Joey: Okay, poof! Didn't happen, Dawson. See ya later. She starts climbing out the window Dawson: Joey! Joey! He runs to the window and pulls her by the arm back inside. Dawson: Don't even think about climbing out that window. Joey smiles and they kiss again. Dawson's Creek theme (still the same, but new opening credits) Cut back and forth: Joey laying in her bed, Dawson laying in his, Joey waking up and slowly smiling, Dawson waking up and smiling Cut to Dawson's parents' room. They're laying in bed and Mitch wakes up and turns over to find Gail sitting up in bed. Gail: Hi. Mitch: Hi...is everything okay? Gail: Mm-hm. I was just sitting here waiting. Mitch: slowly Waiting for what? Gail: I don't have to be in until 9 today and of all the possible ways to spend a free morning there's one idea that just kind of seems to stand out. Mitch: Mm Gail.. Gail: You can protest if you want, but the resistance will only make the conquest that much sweeter. Mitch: Ah, Gail, Gail, I have to shower. I have a meeting. Gail: Oh, that's ok, the act plays under water too. Mitch: Gail. Gail: Right. Shower. Meeting. Cut to Bessie and Joey pulling up in the truck in which has a flat tire. The truck stops and Bessie gets out. Bessie: I could just open my mouth and scream. I hate this truck it's always something! Joey: Hey, these things happen Bessie. Don't let it get you down. Bessie: Your morning glow is highly suspicious. How many cups of coffee have you had? Joey: Can't a person be in a good mood? Bessie: A person can, but you. You're Miss Perma-Scowl. What aren't you telling me? Joey: Nothing. Bessie: Then what's with that look? Joey: What look? Bessie: You have this look. This cheery, yet sneaky, 'I got lucky' look. I know this look. Joey tries to act casual but can't hide her grin. Joey: Bessie... Bessie: Here, wait a second. Where were you last night? Joey: Nowhere...gives in..Dawson's. Bessie: Start talking. Cut to Dawson and Pacey getting a haircut. Pacey: You know, I knew there was a reason you got me up this morning for a morning trim. So c'mon, set the stage, I want details. Dawson: I don't know how to explain....it was in a word... Cut back to Joey and Bessie fixing the flat tire. Joey: Hot. Extremely hot. Bessie: So what kind of kiss was it? Peck on the cheek? Probbing tongues? Fingers clawing at your neck? Joey makes a face like she's slightly embarressed. Joey: Bessie... Bessie: (cont.) Did he touch your-- Cut back to Pacey and Dawson Pacey: ...thing-a-ma-jig? Dawson: Get out of the gutter. No thing-a-ma-jig involved. It was just the sweetest, most romantic, Fourth of July fireworky, waves crashing on the shore, beyond any movie I could ever imagine kiss. Pacey: Congratulations. I'm happy for ya. But, more importantly, are you going to do it? Joey: Don't even go there, Bessie. I will extinguish this conversation right now. Bessie: Okay. Alright. So what's next? Cut back to Pacey and Dawson Pacey: After you kiss somebody things change. Questions arise. Dawson: What questions? Cut back to Bessie and Joey Bessie: Does this cut France? Cut back to Dawson and Pacey Dawson: We haven't discussed it. Pacey: You know I can't believe this. After years of gratuitous self-examination, you finally did it, you acted. I mean, I thought you and Joey were going to draw out this 'will they-won't they' drama for at least another couple of years. Sam and Diane didn't get together for at least 4 seasons and Mulder and Scully...they haven't even kissed! If you and Joey can get across this romantic checkmate thing you've been in for GOD knows how many years...anything is possible! Dawson: God, calm down, Pacey. Pacey: No, I'm serious here. I can change, too. I can be Pacey Witter, bad ass stud and man about town. I can score with high quality chicks. Kristy Livingstone par example. Dawson: Senior cheerleader? Let's not abandon all sense of reality here. Pacey: No, no, no. No more negative thoughts. Pacey pulls the lady's hand who's fixing his hair. Pacey: You know what? Molly? I need a new look. What do you say we...frost my tips or something? Dawson: Frost your tips? Pacey: Yeah. smiles Cut to Pacey walking towards his dad's police car with his "frosted tips". He gets in the car. He spots Kristy. Pacey: Hey Kristy! He turns on the car and turns towards where Kristy was headed until a girl wrecks into him [Andie McPhee] Andie: Oh my God. Oh. Pacey: Great. Just great. My father's going to kll me. Andie: Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Officer, please, I am so sorry. Pacey looks around before he realizes that she thinks he is an officer.* Andie: I didn't see you pulling out. I mean, I did see you pulling out but it was so abrupt that-- Pacey: Mm-hm. Andie: Oh god. I just got my license. Please be kind. Pacey: I'm going to have to see that license and your registration, too, Little Miss. She finds them and hands them to Pacey. Pacey: Andie McPhee. Rhode Island driver's license? Andie: Uh, yes sir. See, my family just moved to town. We live over on Windsor. Pacey: Country Club. Andie: Yes. Is that a detriment? Pacey is getting really into his police officer impersonation. Pacey: Do you realize the severity of what you've done here? Hm? Do ya? Andie nods Pacey: Sitting behind the wheel of a very powerful and dangerous automobile is a huge responsibility. One lapse of judgement and you could run over a cat, a child, a nun. You know I could have this license revoked, snaps, just like that. In fact, I think I'm just going to take you in and book you right now. Andie: No, no, you can't! Pacey turns away from the cop car. Andie: I mean, um, please don't do that. I just got my license. Please don't revoke it. Pacey: 'kay. Maybe I can just, let this one incident slide. But I just want to let you know that I got my eyes on you now, Blondie. You cause anymore trouble in Capeside and Officer Pacey is coming after you. Hm? Andie nods and takes her driver's license. Andie: Okay, I understand. Thank you. Thank you so much. Oh, um it was really nice meeting you. Pacey turns back to the cop car. Pacey: Damn. Cut to Capeside High hallway, Joey is talking to a teacher. Mr. Elliord: Good luck Joey. Joey: Thank you Mr. Elliord. I appreciate all of your advice, but... Mr. Elliord: Goodbye Ms. Potter. Joey turns back to her locker. Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hi! Joey: Hey.......how are you? Dawson: Good, um. Yeah...how are you? Joey: sighs I don't know Dawson. I think I might have made the biggest mistake of my life. Dawson thinks it's him. Joey: France. I told Mr. Elliord I just...wasn't going to go. She smiles. Dawson smiles and laughs and hugs her. Dawson: So Joey Potter's sticking around Capeside for some guy... Joey: Yeah, maybe if you're lucky I'll introduce you to him sometime. Dawson: Oh okay. He leans in closer to her. Dawson: whispering Well, he's a very lucky guy. Joey smiles. They start walking down the hall. Joey: But seriously, Dawson. What do you think? Dawson: I'm relieved. I'm ecstatic. I'm psyched. I'm...aroused. Joey: Aroused? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Put your hormones aside for right now, Dawson. Dawson leans in to kiss her Joey: No, no Dawson. Just for a second. Me not going to France...you and me talking dirty in the halls...I mean, do you think we're making some massive, monumental mistake? I mean, things have always been so complicated between... Dawson: I think we'll be fine. I mean granted we'll be entering some uncharted boy/girl territory but I honestly think regardless of how complicated things are on a day to day basis, we'll be fine. We'll concentrate on the simple stuff. Joey: Like what? Dawson: Like a date. Joey: A date? Dawson: Mm-hm. Joey: You and me on a date? Dawson: Yep. Joey: I don't know, Dawson. I was going to watch tv tonight. I hear Luke Perry's back on 90210. Dawson: Saturday night the Rialto is closing. It's the last show, I think we should go. Joey: Will you still be aroused on Saturday night? Dawson: I think I can guaratee it, yeah. They start leaning in to kiss, when Jen walks up. Jen: Hey guys. Dawson: Jen! Hey. Joey: Hey.How's it goin'? Jen: Not great. My, uh, grandpa died last night. Dawson: Oh my god Jen I'm so sorry. Joey: How are you doing? How is your grandmother? Jen: She's ok, she's actually handling it better than me. Joey: Is there anything we can do? Dawson: Yeah. Jen: No, no I'm fine. Actually, I think I'm just going to head home. I was going to try to stick out the day but it doesn't seem like that great of an idea. Jen walks away. Dawson: Jen! Joey: You should go see if she's okay. Dawson: I'll see you later. Dawson walks off leaving Joey by herself in the crowded halls of Capeside. "The Kiss" Cut to Capeside hallway. Pacey is talking to some guys about the stunt he pulled with Andie and Andie walks up and overhears. Pacey: Trust me, it's there! indicating outside I'm pulling out for school. Trust me, go outside. I'm in the cruiser, in my dad's car. Giver her the whole cop routine, license, registration. It was nothin'! He walks away and Andie taps him on the shoulder. Andie: Officer Pacey. You little stump. Pacey: Hey Little Missy, how you doin'? You keepin out of trouble? Andie: You know impersonating an officer is a felony. I should call the police station and report you. Pacey: Oh, there's a conversation I would love to hear taking as my father is the town sheriff! Andie: I have been having major anxiety attcks, to the point of medication, ever since you pulled your little stunt. Spinning scenarios in my head about being carded off to prison and becoming a sex slve to some Sadis named bmb Bertha. Pacey: Okay, now, correct me if I'm wrong, didn't you cause the accident? You ht me. I was just having some fun. And besides, it's NOTHING compared to the hell my dad is giving me. And you know what? Your country club Sab is still in one piece so.. Kristy walks up Kristy: Hey Andie. Andie: Hey Kristy. Kristy continues walking. Pacey: Hey Kristy...didn't you tell me you're new in town? How do you know Kristy Livingstone? Andie: Well, unlike certain sewer rats, she made the effort to welcome the new, and slightly insecure, to Capeside. Pacey: Well, she probably didn't recognize me I just had my tips frosted. Andie: You just had your tips frosted? Pacey: Yeah. Andie: Your tips are in attempt to win a certain someone. Pacey points at her like "You got it" Andie: Hot tip. Kristy Livingstone is a hm so perhaps you should start barking up a different tree. Pacey: And perhaps you should just stop barking altogether. Andie: Tell you what. Here's an idea. I've always had a certain soft spot for pathetic, lovelorn losers such as yourself, so if you like Kristy...I'll set up an intro. Pacey: Really? You'd do that for me? Cut to Jen at her Grams' Grams: Hello Jennifer. How was school today? Jen: The usual. What's going on here? Grams: Well I've decided to donate some of your grandfather's old clothes to the church charity drive. Jen: You're just giving his stuff away? Grams: No, it's for a good cause. There are people in this community who rely on these donations. Jen: But don't you think it's a little early to be clearing out his closet? Grams: He's not going to be needing these things. Those less fortunate, do. Jen: Grams just died yesterday. We haven't even buried him yet. Grams: What would you have me do Jennifer? Jen: I don't know. It's just that you're not exactly the picture of the grieving widow. Grams: Let me tell you something, Jennifer. I loved your grandfather from our very first date through 43 years of marriage and when he had his stroke, I sat by his bedside and for months all I did was pray for his recovery. But when his condition worsened, do you know what I prayed for? Not for his recovery, but for his release. I watched him waste away in that bed for almost 2 years. So whether I clean out his closet today or not, he's gone. He's been gone. Cut to Gail running up to the house Gail: I know, I know I'm late. And I know what you must be thinking. Mitch: You do? Gail: Before you let those thoughts get the best of you, here's the truth. The promo meeting ran long and after that there was traffic all the way up I-95 and I know that Ann Landers said that you're never supposed to give more than one excuse when you're explaining yourself to somebody, but that is the truth Mitch, and I really need you to believe me. Mitch: I do. Actually, I heard about the traffic jam on the radio. Gail: Oh thank god. Because I just don't want you to ever have to worry again that I'm....those days are behind us, you know that, and I would just hate for one of those old suspicions to creep back. Mitch: I know. It's okay. Really. Oh god, look at the time, I gotta get going. Gail: Where are you going? Mitch: It's just an appointment that's arisin suddenly. I won't be home too late. Cut to Pacey at school watching Andie talk to Kristy. Andie: Go for it, Pacey. She's all ready for you. I got her primed. Pacey: to a tune There once was a girl named-a Kristy, the thought of her nude makes me misty, a night on the town, we'll both go get down, by the end of the date she'll have kissed me. Pacey approaches her. Pacey: Kristy...hey! Kristy: Pacey...how are you? Pacey: Great. How are you doin'? Kristy: Good. What can I do for you? Pacey: Ah, Listen. I know this is sort of abrupt seeing as we hardly know each other. In fact, we don't even know each other at all. But I was wondering if I could change that and maybe get to know you a little better, take you out to dinner and a movie sometime. See if we have anything that resembles a future together. Ah, so, I was thinking tomorrow night? What do you say? Kristy: Sounds great. Pacey nods his head like he's just been turned down but then realizes he hasn't and perks up. Pacey: Okay! Cut to Mr. Leery in an office. A secretary comes out of a door. Secretary: Mr. Leery? Mitch: Yes? Secretary: Mr. Drake will see you now. Phone is ringing in the background Mr. Leery enters the office and the secretary goes over to answer the phone. Secretary: on phone Drake, Witherspoon, and Hall....no, we specialize in divorce. Cut to Jen sitting on a swing. Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hey. Jen: Hey! Dawson: My mom wanted me to bring you this. It's a chicken-cheese noodle thing with way too many spices, but she's kind of proud of it so.. Jen: Thanks Dawson. Dawson: No problem. Jen: Well you sure look spiffy tonight. Where you headin'? Dawson: Movies. It's the Rialto's last night. Jen: You know my Grandma's going to that. Dawson: Oh. So you aren't up to going? Jen: No, I thought I would sit here and curse the world instead. So are you going with Joey? Dawson: Yeah, who else? Jen: So how did things work out between you guys? How are the two star-crossed lovers? Dawson: laughs You know us, you know, we're just...Dawson and Joey. We'll always be Dawson and Joey. Whatever that means. Jen: What about Dawson and Jen? Dawson: I'd say I think you could use a friend right now more than anything else. How about it? Jen: I'd like that. They hug. Dawson: I gotta go. But don't sit here and curse the world all evening. Okay? It's beautiful out. Bye. Cut to Joey sitting on the dock. Bessie walks up. Bessie: What are you doing here? Joey: Nothing. Thinking about tonight. Bessie: Oh, the first date. This will be interesting. softly Hey, what's wrong? Joey: I don't know it just seems weird. I mean, Dawson and I on a date? Doesn't that seem weird to you? Bessie: Well was it weird when you kissed? Joey: No, that felt pretty right. But the thing is, it hasn't happened since then and it was yesterday. Bessie: Well, that's not unusual, because the way I see it, the second kiss, it's always tougher than the first one. Joey: We actually kissed more than once that night. Bessie: Yeah, but it only counts as one and that first kiss. It's the passionate one. It's the one filled by desire and attraction, and all of that, but the second kiss is rational. You got time to worry, and over analyze and most women....they prefer that first kiss, but I'm partial to the second one because it's about something more. You'll get that second kiss Joey and when you do it'll be great. It'll be real. It'll be meaningful. Cut back and forth. Dawson heading to Joey's on a speedboat. Joey fixing her hair. Dawson heading to Joey's. Joey putting on makeup. Dawson coming to Joey's. Joey putting on a necklace and looking in the mirror. Joey is waiting outside and Dawson is walking and they smile when they see each other and he picks a flower. Joey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. It's my first act as your date. I thought - chocolates, diamonds, convertables - but I settled for foliage. Joey: Foliage is good. Dawson: So should we go? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: Okay. I'm really glad we've already bipassed the end of the evening "Will she kiss me?" drama. So, um, it should pretty much me smooth sailing from here on out. Joey: Yeah, but now you have to endure the agony of "Well, I've already kissed her so should we just check into a motel and go at it like prn stars?" anxiety. Dawson: I, um, I think I can handle that. Joey: Good because I know a good motel. Dawson: How about, um, we start with something very simple? Something that goes beyond this month's Panelist's Forum? Joey: And what would that be Dawson? Dawson: I would really like to hold your hand. Joey: Okay. They hold hands* Cut to the Rialto Dawson: I can't believe they're tearing this place down. Joey: They'll probably put up something horrible that will make this place even more boring then it already is. Dawson: I guess all our movie watching will have to be restricted to my bedroom then. Too bad for us. Joey: A fate worse than death. They smile and then put on their "Should we kiss" faces. The lights dim and Joey turns towards the movie but she places her hand in Dawson's. Cut to Pacey standing outside the Rialto. Pacey: Whistles Kristy....makes me Misty...by the end of the date she will have kissed me. Frustrated/angry When she gets here. Cut back to the theater and Jen enters and sits next to Dawson. Dawson: Jen? Hey. Jen: I thought I'd take your advice and get out of the house for a little while. Dawson: My advice? He then turns to Joey and whispers I don't know what she's talking about. Jen nods. Dawson: Isn't your grandma here? Jen: Yeah, yeah, I just thought I'd come sit with you guys and thought that afterwards we could go to the Icehouse and grab some food. Unless I'm not welcome. Dawson: No, it's not that you're not welcome at all it's just that-- Jen: No, I--you know, I shouldn't have come. She walks off. Dawson: No, Jen, Jen, Jen. He leans back in his seat and closes his eyes. Dawson: I'll be right back. Dawson once again leaves Joey alone. Cut to the lobby. Jen: You know I was just thinking.. Dawson: Jen! Jen: I was thinking that, um, that we actually went to our first date, at this theater, and now they're tearing it down. How's that for one of your metaphors. Dawson: Jen, I'm really, really sorry if I made you feel like you couldn't stay with us, allright? it's just that Joey and I kinda have some-- Jen: Cuts Dawson off The whole time that we were dating, were you really wishing that you were with Joey instead? Dawson: What? No. Jen: It seems a little sad, really, that I was the girl who's sole purpose was to allow you figure out who you were really in love with. Dawson: Jen, please don't think of it like that, I mean, you and I had fun, we just... Jen: No, we did, but I held you off. I pushed you away. And I basically ran you out of my life in the midst of all that fun. So I guess it serves me right I lost ya. Dawson: You haven't lost me. I want to be a part of your life. I want to be your-- Jen: Friend? Dawson: I'm sorry. Jen: Sorry? Yeah...from being the girl next door...to the object of your affection...to the third wheel. It's been quite a ride Dawson. Dawson: Jen, don't even think about this now. I mean, give yourself some time. Let yourself heal. You and I will work this all out eventually. Jen: Give yourself some time? I just want to be your friend? You have to say those things, Dawson. Dawson: No, I don't! I meant it! Jen: Just do me one favor. All I ask, is that you don't jump Joey right away. Dawson: I'm not going to jump anybody, Jen! Jen: 'Cause honestly, I don't think I could handle seeing the two of you together, it'd send me to razor blades or something. Dawson: Don't even joke about that. Jen: Why not? This whole thing's a joke. You, me, my whole life here. Dawson: Jen, c'mon, don't! Dawson goes back to the movie theater only to find an empty seat with a flower on it. Cut to Pacey flipping pennies into a fountain. Kristy walks up. Kristy: Pacey? Pacey: Kristy! Hey! Wow, you made it! Great! Thanks for coming. Um, I was thinking we could go get a little bit of dinner. We're probably a little too late for the movie, but that's okay. Kristy: Actually I can't stay. My boyfriend's waiting for me in the car. Pacey: Excuse me? Kristy: Tonight's our 5 week aniversary. He wasn't too stoked that I made plans. Listen, I just had to stop by and tell you how brave I think you are. Pacey: Brave? Kristy: I know it's supposed to be a secret but your friend Andie told me about your condition. Pacey: I'm not really following you.. Kristy: And I just think it's really inspiring how you can still live a normal life through the constant cloud of death. Pacey: The constant cloud of what? Kristy: She told me about your heart stripe. Pacey: My heart stripe...ah, that. Kristy: Yeah, the stripe you have right across your heart and how at any moment it could just start strangling your heart and you stop breathing and die. She said you wanted to keep in a secret, no special treatment or anything. And I really respect that. See, I suffer from asthma, and I know how much I'd hate it if anybody treated me differently because of that. Well, goodnight Pacey, and I really think that you're quite a guy. Pacey: Don't mention it. Boyfriend: CMON KRISTY LET'S GO! Pacey: That didn't just happen. Cut to Rialto Grams: Jennifer! waves Jen: Fancy meeting you here. So what are you off to now? Going to find a little action now that you're a single woman? Grams: Now, Jennifer, don't say those things. I know you're upset about your grandfather but-- Jen: No, it's not just that. Well, look at me. I'm 16 years old, look what I've become. My parents couldn't stand me so they shipped me off to you. So here I am, living in this strange town without a friend to my name, and you know what the sad thing is? Is actually that you may be the best friend I've got. I'm just not all that sure that you like me. Grams: Oh, Jennifer. I know we may bicker from time to time but I love you, and with your grandfather gone, you're all I have. You're my whole world. Jen: Well if I'm all you got then I pity you too. Grams: Oh, Jen. They hug. Jen: Did you like the movie? Grams: Oh, well, they're not like they used to be, not like the one they showed on that first date with your grandfather. He brought me right here that night - The Rialto. You see, I didn't come tonight to watch the movie, I came to be with him. Jen: I'm so sorry. Grams: He was never as handsome as that night. Cut to Pacey in a store and he spots Andie and approaches her. Pacey: Under his breath Oh yeah. Andie: Pacey! What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in bed? Hooked up to a life support system? Pacey: Very funny. What the hell's a heart stripe anyways? Andie: I made it up. Pretty creative don't you think? Pacey: Oh yeah. laughs sarcastically Andie: Look, Pacey. I don't even know you, but if you thought for even one second that Kristy Livingstone was gonna dump her beautiful, All-State football boyfriend for you - a hm with a heart stripe? - You're massively deluded. Pacey: That's great. Why don't you just rub some SALT in this open, painful wound. You know, Kristy Livingstone, she was kind of like a metaphor. You understand, the same reason I dyed my hair. I was under the impression that I could overcome my unlucky ways BUT after what's happened tonight, obviously not. Back to the old Pacey, the black sheep, the loser, the brunette! Andie: Well, I think you should dye your hair back. I mean, forgive me, but it looks hideous. Pacey: Thanks. Andie: Don't use that. Pacey: Why not? Andie: That's peroxide. That's going to strip your hair of all it's color. Here, use this. Put this in for twenty minutes, and rinse. That should do the trick. Pacey: You're not pulling another little prank on me here...you know, I screw you, you screw me. Andie: Guess you'll just have to take that chance, won't ya? Bye Officer Pacey! Cut to Gail and Mitch in the living room. Gail: I never thought I'd call my husband a liar. Mitch: Excuse me? Gail: So, tell me Mitch, why do you lie? What could you possibly gain from lying to me? Mitch: G--, I have no idea what you're talking about. Gail: You tell me everything is fine with us, you tell me nothing's the problem, that my worst fears are unfounded, yet, something tells me that's not what you're telling Drake, Witherspoon and Hall. Mitch: It was one meeting. Gail: Why? Because you want a divorce? Mitch: Because I'm not sure I can stay married to a woman I love and hate in equal measure. The reason I went to see Drake is because I want to know what my options are. Gail: Your options are you can either give me another chance wholeheartedly or go to Drake and write him a very large check and make our marriage another statistic. Do either one of those options sound appealing? Mitch: Yes, I just don't know which one yet. Cut to Dawson walking up on Joey on a pier. Dawson: I was hoping you might be here. This is beginning to sound like a ridiculous reframe. Joey, you have to know that I don't have any of those feelings for Jen. Joey: Dawson, it's okay. Dawson: It is? Joey: Yes. Do you want to know why I didn't go to France? 'Cause I wanted to so badly. I mean, in France I could have started over, you know. I wouldn't be Joey the waitress, or Joey the daughter of a convict, or Joey half of the "will they/won't they" couple of the century. I didn't go to France because it just seemed like the easy way out, you know? The easiest escape from my life, which in spite of a few highlights is pretty pathetic. But I didn't want to take that easy way out, Dawson. It just seemed like sticking around here would only make me stronger. Then there was you too. Dawson Leery, who finally got a clue. But I have to tell you Dawson, as complicated our friendship was, it doesn't even compare to how complicated whatever you and I have here is bound to be. Dawson: Really? What you and I have may never be simple...but that doesn't mean that we're not going to be scorching. Besides, who's to say that you can't have some of France right here in Capeside, hum? Here we are along the river Sende', a tour of the il de la city, the favorite spot of lovers and friends. And from here we also have a view of the magnificent structure that we simplists here in Capeside like to call....ze swingset. Granted, It's no Eiffel Tower, but it's all we got. Joey starts swinging. Dawson sits down and they're facing opposite directions. Dawson: But don't forget about the other franc-o-fellow opportunities in town. French fries. Joey: French toast. Dawson: French doors. They french kiss. Joey: French kiss. The 2nd kiss, the rational one. The one that requires thought. Dawson: You know I found out what they're replacing the Rialto with. A movie theater. Joey: They're replacing one theater with another? Dawson: Upgrade. Bigger seats, bigger screen, bigger sound. They say it's supposed to be great. Joey: But why change something if it already works? Dawson: Because maybe it will work even better. It's going to be so simple Joey. You know all this talk about a 2nd kiss? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: Well, it's kind of put me in the mood for a third. Joey: Me too. Dawson: I told you it was going to be simple. They kiss again END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x01 - The Kiss"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 202 "CROSSROADS" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Bessie: Nina Repeta Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Original Air Date: October 14, 1998 Cut to Dawson's room where a RonCo infomercial for a pasta maker is on and Dawson and Joey are making out. Suddenly, you see light as the bedroom door opens going unnoticed by Dawson and Joey. The camera focuses on the TV where you see a hand slowly reaching for the button to turn it off. The TV goes off and Dawson looks up to find Mitch and Gail Leery. Joey looks up, too. Dawson: Uh, Mom and Dad...hey. You remember Joey, right? Cut to a classroom where a police officer is handing back driver's tests. Police Officer: Good job...hands a student their paper Good job...hands another student their paper Good job. Gets to Pacey Missed it by one point. That's too bad. We really need another juvenile delinquent ??? on the road. Pacey: I knew I shouldn't have studied. See what happens when you study? getting up and mumbling Can't wait to enter the world of vehicular freedom. approaches police officer Hey, Miss. What do you think it's going to take to change just one little answer on this test? Free videos for a year? Police Officer: You're not trying to bribe me, are you Mr. Witter? Pacey: C'mon, Officer, toss me a break. It's my birthday. Police Officer: Oh, it is. Really. You should have said something....Happy Birthday. CUT TO Dawson looking in the fridge while his dad is giving him "the talk" Mitch: ...and because becoming sexually active is a very serious business, I think that it's time you and I talked about it. Dawson: makes that 'Oh God..' face Dad, we were just making out. Mitch: Dawson, boy-girl sleepovers are no longer within appropriate boundaries. You know, Joey isn't a little girl anymore which you seemed to have noticed. Dawson: This is so surreal coming from you of all people. Mitch: You know I recently saw a report on the statistical portion of adolescent sex and contraception. Dawson rolls his eyes. Mitch: (cont.) and a sexually active teen who doesn't use contraception stands a 90% chance of becoming pregnant within one year and with that proof less than half fades out as Dawson closes fridge door Cut to Joey walking up to the house. She spots Mrs. Leery and quickens her pace. Joey: Hi Mrs. Leery. walks quickly for the door Mrs. Leery: Oh, Joey! Good. Honey, I'm glad you're here. Honey, come here a sec. pats the seat next to her. Joey's like 'Ohhhh God'... Mrs. Leery: Honey, this is a terrific book. Reproduction and Repercution. It's all about preventing teen pregnancy. Joey closes her eyes. Mrs. Leery: (cont.) So if there's anything that you would like to talk to me about...any sex questions about anything...you know you can come to me. Dawson comes out of the front door. He hears the last part of the conversation and looks slightly annoyed and embarressed Dawson: HEY! Look at the time. We're going to be late. LET's GO. Joey hurredly grabs her bag and heads for the porch door. Mitch: Remember, Dawson, no hat, no glove. Gail: No, Mitch, honey. That's no glove, no love. Mitch: You get the point. Gail: Uh, Joey? Joey turns around. Mrs. Leery taps the book. Joey regretfully takes it. They leave. Gail: Our baby's growing up. It seems like just a blink ago he was coming home from the hospital. And here we are a thousand years later. Mitch: Clueless as ever. Gail looks at Mitch who walks away. Cut to: Jen's room. Grams is opening the shades. Grams: And God said, let there be light. Jen rolls over in bed. Jen: God, what the hell? Grams: Oh, don't swear, dear, God is listening. Jen: Well, if he were, then he'd know that hell isn't a swear word anymore. You can say it on network tv. Besides, I'm not going to school today. Grams: I'm worried about you, Jennifer. You just don't seem yourself lately. Jen: I'm tired, that's all. Grams: Well, then I want you scrubbed, dressed, and ready for school in 5 minutes. singing Rise, shine, clap give God your glory, glory. Children of the Lord. Jen makes a frustrated sound. Cut to Capeside High. Pacey slams his bike into the bike rack while Dawson watches. Dawson: You're going to kll it. Pacey: I failed! Dawson: Midterms? Pacey: Midterms? Like I care, Dawson. I failed my driver's test. Dawson: You might want to take better care of that bike then. Pacey: Very funny. Dawson: You're not going to believe it. Mitch and Gail have gone completely off the deep end. You should have heard them today lecturing Joey and me about the finer points of adolescent sexuality. It was momentously awkward. Pacey: Okay. Did you hear nothing I just said? I failed my driver's test. Today. Of all days, today. Dawson: So you can take it again. Pacey: looking confused* Yeah, but Dawson I would have really liked to have gotten it today. Dawson: Today, two weeks from now, what's the big deal. Anyways, it was weird. Of course it figures. Joey and I are together for a week and my parents are already shoving condoms in my pocket. Pacey: looking even more confused You don't have anything to say to me today? Dawson: confused What's up with you? Pacey: Uh, nothing, man. Forget about it. You got your Joey problems. He walks away. Dawson looks off confused. Cut to Jen sitting on a pier when Pacey walks up. It looks like they're at lunch? Jen: Hey? Pacey: Hey. Jen: What are you bumming about? Pacey: Nothing. Jen looks down. Pacey: (cont.) I got a bad case of the Molly Ringwald's today. Jen: Let's see, um, in Breakfast Club she gets a detention... in Pretty in Pink she gets dumped before prom... in Sixteen Candles everybody forgets about her birthday.. Pacey nods. Jen: Is that it? Is today your birthday? Pacey: The big 1-6. Whoopee. Jen: Happy Birthday, Pace. Pacey: sincerely Thank you. It's not so much that my family forgot me. They never make a big deal of this anyhow. But Dawson always made up something. He'd always plan some crazy outing for my birthday. We're supposed to be on a roadtrip to Maine right now, but that's obviously not going to happen. Jen: Let me take a sab at it. Joey and Dawson are so caught up in their budding romantic entanglement that they've forgotten all about your birthday. Pacey: I should be happy for them. I mean, I am happy for them. Jen: Me too. Pacey looks at her.* Pacey: No you're not. Jen: I know. They laugh Jen: You know, I've never been one to pass up a chance at some good ol' fashioned self pity but why don't you give yourself a break? I mean, today's your birthday. Celebrate. It could be good. Remember in Sixteen Candles, how it turned out. Molly Ringwald got the hottest guy in school. Could be you. Pacey: sarcastic Yeaaah, cake, party hats, balloons, rock on! Jen: No, I'm serious. Look, so Joey and Dawson forgot all about you. So forget about them. In fact, I think they've forgotten about all of us recently. So c'mon. Live it up. Go out. Have a good time. Meet some new people. Pacey: You know what? You're absolutely right. I mean, I'm sick and tired of being Dawson Leery's sidekick. I'm going to get my own storyline. Jen: There you go. Pacey gets his stuff. Pacey: Thanks. He walks off. Jen: 'Kay. Yeah... Cut to Jen picking up clothes from the bleachers. Abby is sitting on the bleachers. It's gym class. Abby: Well, if it isn't Miss Lindley. Well, let me guess, the lame excuse note expecting to get you out of gym landed you with cleanup duty instead. Jen: Let's just not talk to each other, alright Abby? 'Cause you're obviously here for the same reason, at least you could help me clean up. Abby: Sorry, sweetie. My condition prevents me from engaging in any undue (?) physical exertion. takes out a note and reading Please excuse Abigal Morgan from gym this semester as she suffers from pelvic reposis (?) signed Dr. James Fife, L.D. Jen: Isn't that like a V.D. or something? Abby: No, I made it up. Last time I was at my doctor's office I stole some letterheads. It's been invaluable. So don't tell me, you used the menstrual cramps defense. Jen looks away as she continues picking up. Abby: God! That excuse is no good. You get out of gym but not cleanup duty. Not so bright for a big city girl. Jen closes her eyes. Abby: Then again, your life in New York was probably just as dull as it is here in Capeside. I bet you never even got into a club. Jen: The things and places I have talked myself into and out of would blow your mind. Abby: Yeah, right. looks curious So have you ever been to The Curtain or Club Retro. Jen: I did at the dorm room in Curtain and Club Retro is so five minutes ago. Abby: Well what was it like? Jen: What? Abby: New York. I plan on moving there as soon as I graduate from this juvenile detention center. C'mon Jen tell me everything. Jen: smiling Well, what do you want to know? Abby: smiling, too What do you mean what do I want to know? I want to know about the guys. They laugh Cut to Joey's room. Dawson is sitting on Joey's bed and Joey is laying there. Joey: You know, as long as I live, Dawson, I think I'll never be as embarressed as I was today. Dawson: I know, my parents live for those coming-of-age-Wonder-Years moments. Joey: Yeah. Dawson: My father's had that book in a drawer since I was born. Joey laughs Dawson: All I can say is thank God it was you. I mean, can you imagine if it was just some unexpecting date I just brought home? Joey: I don't know. All I know crawling over the bed to reach for her journal is I have to write down your dad's 'No glove, no love' line before I forget. I mean, it's practi-- She's interrupted by Dawson pulling her over closer to him to where she's leaning on his legs and facing him. Dawson: When I think about you and me together, it's perfect. Joey smiles. Dawson: There's none of that pretentious getting-to-know-you crap. I already know everything there is to know about you. What you think, what you feel. Joey: surprised at this Really? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: skeptical You think you know everything about me Dawson? Dawson: C'mon Joey we've spent most of our waking, and sleeping for that matter, moments together. Yes, I think it's fairly safe to say that I know everything there is to know about you. Joey smiles again Joey: What you don't know about me, Dawson, could fill a book. She leans in and they kiss. The baby cries in the background Joey: I hear my life calling. She kisses him on the forehead. I'll be right back. Joey walks into Alexander's room and shuts the door. Dawson picks up a bottle of Joey's perfume and smells it. A picture of Joey with her mom is shown. Dawson eyes find Joey's journal and he picks it up and looks towards Alexander's room. He starts reading a page and his face falls. He sees Joey opening the door and qucikly shuts the book and throws it on the bed. Joey walks back over happily towards the bed. Joey: I thought Alexander was smiling but it turns out he just had gas. Dawson gets up off the bed. Dawson: I'm going to get going. Joey: confused What's wrong? Dawson: Nothing. Joey: I thought you had a lot of reading for today, Dawson. Dawson: Um, I've done enough reading for today. He leaves leaving a confused Joey alone. Cut to Pacey hanging up fliers. He stops a kid. Pacey: Hey, man. Dock party tonight. 8:00. Bailey's Port. Be there! Pacey stapling another flier and Dawson walks up Dawson: What's going on? Pacey: Throwing a party. Dawson: Why? Pacey: Oh, you know expanding my horizons. I'm getting older thought I would branch out and take some new chances. Dawson: I accidentily read something last night in Joey's journal. Pacey hands a flier to some girl Pacey: Want one of these? Dawson: Quote. "I'm so sick of Dawson and his stupid horror movie. I wish I could tell him how terrible it is. How stupid, and putrid, and...it was awful." Pacey: So what? At least she didn't tell you that the sight of you gives her dry heaves or that you're a self-centered, self-absorbed, stapling another flier selfish.. Dawson: Look, obviously she has opinions about me that she hasn't been honest about. She said I was a talentless dreamer with no cinematic future. Pacey: really angry and irritated 'Kay. No offense, Dawson, but I don't think anybody cares. Dawson: I care...Pacey. I mean, I could honestly use some advice here. Pacey: Oh, you want some advice? How about this: your life isn't so interesting. Dawson: confused and surprised What? Pacey: You know, I am so sick and tired of hearing about you and Joey's boring little mini-dramas. I'm going to start tearing out my fingernails for relief. Get over yourself, Dawson. Deal. Pacey walks off angry. Dawson is confused...like always... Cut to Joey walking out from school and Andie runs and catches up with her. Andie: You work at the Icehouse, don't you? I saw you there a few nights ago. God, I love that place. Joey: You don't get out much, do you? Andie: Anyways, I'm Andie McPhee. You're Joey, right? They shake hands Andie: (cont.) I'm a friend of Pacey Witter's. Well, kind of. Joey: How bold of you to admit that. Andie: Anyway, my brother Jack is looking for a job, you know, busboy, waiter, really anything. So I thought I'd put in a word for him. Joey: Well, actually, we could use the help. Andie: Really? Oh, that's great. He's kind of shy, but he is really smart and super nice once you get to know him. Joey: Okay, well, just tell him to come in and ask for me. Andie: Alright, thanks! She walks off Cut to Joey walking across a bridge. Dawson catches up to her. Dawson: Joey, hey! Joey: Hey. They kiss quickly. Dawson: I was, um, cleaning out my closet this morning and I found the costume that you wore in the movie, and, um, I found the costume that you wore in my movie. And I was just thinking about how good you looked in it... Joey smiles Dawson: (cont.) Um, in the outfit. Pretty and vulnerable. And I was just thinking...you know I hope Joey was happy with her performance in the movie. So I guess I'm asking, I'm surprised we haven't discussed this, what did you think of my movie. Joey: I loved it, it was great. You know that, Dawson. Dawson: You'd be honest with me, right? Joey: It was amazing. Extremely talented. It's one of your many attractions. Dawson stares off. Joey: Are you alright? Dawson: I just wanted to make sure you didn't think my movie was on the, I don't know, stupid and putrid side. Joey: You're acting weird. Are you having another insecurity attck? C'mon. Dawson: It's really important for me to know that you think I have talent and potential in filmmaking. Joey's face falls as she comes to a realization.* Joey: angrily You read my journal. Dawson: defensively You practically left it out for me to see. Joey: even more angrily Not unless it blew open..or...or you suddenly developed X-Ray vision. I mean, God, how dare you! You invde my privacy. I could sue you for this. Dawson: What I'm curious about is what else is in that journal that you don't want me to see? What does Joey Potter really think about me? Joey: Oh, right now, Dawson, you really don't want to know! CUT TO Mitch walking into a building on the pier.* Mitch: Hey, Cole. Cole: Hey Mitch. What's up? Mitch: Ohhhh, not much. Just checking out a warehouse next door for a possible restaurant location. Cole: Very cool. And? Mitch: Rent's a little steep. Cole: Tell me about it. 'Kay buddy, what's really up? Mitch: looks a little irritated What do you mean what's up? Nothin'. Whatever, you know, life. Cole: I've known you since the fourth grade. You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders. Talk to me. Mitch sighs. Cut to: Gail planting flowers. Mrs. Ryan approaches. Mrs. Ryan: It was so kind of you to send over that delicious casserole when Mr. Ryan passed. Gail: Oh, it was the least I could do. Um, I was wondering, uh, the thing is Mrs. Ryan, I really could use some advice. Cut back to Mitch and Cole Cole: My advice is to avoid the big D at all costs, man. Mitch: Well, we've tried everything. I mean, I don't know what's left. Cole: If you divorce her, you'll lose everything. Not to mention becoming a weekend dad to Dawson. Mitch: Believe me I know. You know, I don't even think that she'd mind if I had an affair. It would get her off the hook. Cole: So why not? Mitch: surprised What do you mean why not? I'm in a marriage. Cut to Gail and Mrs. Ryan Mrs. Ryan: Marriage is all about enduring the jabs and blows. You must do everything and anything in your power to save it. Gail: I've talked till I'm blue in the face. I've cleaned out the entire Marital Aid section at the Pleasure Palace and my Victoria Secret credit card..is maxed. Mrs. Ryan: I was thinking something more along the lines of renewing your wedding vows. I wasn't suggesting that you have an affair. Cut back to Mitch and Cole Cole: I'm not suggesting an affair. I'm talking open marriage. Mitch: I knew that the seventies were back in full swing, man, but that is up there with bean bag chairs and lava lamps. Cole: No, just think about it for a minute. In any given marriage you have about an 85% chance of infidelity. Human beings are just not instinctively monogamous, alright? So you take the anaquated(?) knowledge of infidelity and monogamous out of marriage and I guarantee the divorce rate in this country would be absolutely zilch. It works for me and Lisa. Mitch is thinking. Cut to Pacey putting fliers under car windshield wipers Andie: You know, I hate it when people plaster unsolicited material on private property. Pacey: You know what, McPhee? I really wish you weren't here right now. Andie: Ah, put the charm on hold for a second Pacey, I was just curious on what the occasions for. Pacey: It's my going away party. I'm dying of a heart stripe. Haven't you heard? Andie: Where's your sense of humor? Pacey: Oh, I have a sense of humor. In fact, I have a really good sense of humor. It's just that telling a girl that I'm dying so that she'll go out with me, that's just not funny. Andie: Why you would be interested in someone who's so mentlly deficient that she would actually believe that she would actually believe there's such a thing as a heart stripe. Pacey looks at her.* Andie: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. So really, what's the reason for your little clambake? Pacey: Are you mistaken for the impression that you're actually invited? Andie: Well it says 'Come one, come all' Pacey: No, you gotta read the fine print. It says 'Come one, come all except for spoiled, trust fund casualties from Rhode Island. Sorry. Cut to Jen's room. Abby and Jen are laying on her bed. Jen hands Abby a picture. Jen: This is Charlie. The guy I was telling you about. Abby: with widened eyes Oh my God! Look at him. Oh, God I would throw my mother off a bridge to go out with somebody like this. Jen: We partied one weekend before he had to ship out....crazy. Abby: I can't believe you have eyes for Dawson Leery, I mean you have lived, sister. Jen smiles. Abby: Speaking of partying....since you're not hanging out with Forrest Gump and Company anymore, I was thinking we could do some serious partying of our own. Jen: You mean like steal a pack of cigarrettes from 7-11 and hide behind the bleachers and smoke em? Abby: No. I was thinking Pacey's bogus dock party. I mean, we could crack on the people there. Jen laughs Abby: And...a little imported bubbly for our enjoyment. she raises an eyebrow They laugh Cut to Dawson following Joey who's waitressing Dawson: Alright, so I shouldn't have read your journal but c'mon, you can't tell me that all the time that you've been alone in my room that you've never snooped. Joey: Nope. Dawson: Not once? Joey: No. Because I, unlike you, respect your privacy. Dawson: You obviously don't respect my filmmaking abilities. Joey: angered Dawson, how I feel about you and your quest to be Spielberg are not the point. You read my journal. This is a huge privacy issue. Dawson: That's exactly the point. How do you feel about my filmmaking abilities? Jack comes interrupting. Jack: Hi. I'm, uh, Jack. Joey: Can I help you? Jack: Andie's brother. Joey: Who's Andie? Jack: My sister. Joey: Look, that's fascinating. I don't mean to be rude, but I'm really busy here so if I can help you with anything.. Jack: I'm here to interview for the job. Joey: Ohhhh, yeah right. Job. Andie's brother. Um, have you ever washed dishes before? Jack: No, but I'm willing to learn. Joey: Good. Use over, kitchen's that way. Jack is a little overwhelmed. Dawson: I admit what I did was wrong, but Joey you lied to me. You've been lying to me. Joey: What? Don't turn this around and make me the bad guy. You violated me. You betrayed me. Dawson: Tell me, where you ever planning on telling me the truth? Joey: Why should I? I just thought I'd write it all down then have you over to study! Dawson: Stop making jokes, Joey. This is a really big deal. You were completely dishonest. Joey: You're right, Dawson. It is a big deal. But the big deal isn't what you read. The big deal is that you read it. Dawson: I apoligized for that already! Jack: Excuse me? Do you have a second? Could you please tell your sister I work here now? She's not letting me in the kitchen. He walks away. Dawson: I'm glad I read it actually. Because now I realize I don't think I know you at all. Joey: Maybe you don't, Dawson. Maybe you never did. Cut to Pacey stringing up lights on the dock and Andie walks up decked out for the party in a bikini top and skirt. Andie: Hi. Pacey: Hi if it isn't Andie McPhee the rich girl in town. What happened? They cancel your polo match? Andie: Look, Pacey, if you want me to leave I will. Pacey: No, no, that's okay. Actually, you're the only person I recognize here, and I ask ya, how sad is that? Andie: Don't worry. Parties always take awhile to get going. Though you might have worked a DJ into your budget. Pacey: 'Kay. Can't say it hasn't been pleasant talking to you, but don't you think you should get out and mingle and meet some new people? Andie: Yeah, I probably should. But new people make me nervous. I never know what to say and then eventually I just clam up totally. Pacey: Are you joking? Because you haven't stopped talking since the moment I met you. Andie: Well, you don't make me nervous. You make me mad. Mad beats nervous. Pacey: 'Kay, why don't you just go mingle now? Yeah? Andie: You go mingle. Pacey: Okay. Andie: Okay....hey! You're in luck. Another varsity cheerleader/rocket scientist and she's checkin' you out. Pacey: She's looking at me? Andie nods. Pacey: You know, I haven't had a whole lot of luck with the senior cheerleaders this year. Andie: Luck has nothing to do with it. Some older women happen to like younger men. Pacey kind of laughs. Andie: So, go ahead. Go talk to her. What have you got to lose? Pacey: Oh, I don't know, dignity, humility, face... Andie: It's not like you had any of those in the first place. Pacey: You know what McPhee? I really wish I made you nervous. She gives that 'I'm glad I'm ticking you off' smile As Pacey walks towards the girl some people are playing volleyball and it hits Pacey in the back of the head. He shrugs it off and takes a drink of his soda. Then he sees some guy pick up the girl he was going to talk to. He walks down the dock until he comes upon a group of 4 girls in a boat. Pacey: Hey Ladies. Havin' a good time? OneGirl: What is this? she dumps her drink out on the ground. Pacey keeps walking and bumps into two people. They laugh. Pacey laughs sarcastically Pacey: Sooo funny! Dawson approaches the dock in a speedboat. Pacey notices. Cut to Jen and Abby on the dock, obviously a little drunk Jen: How many drinks have I had? Because I think three is my limit before I get really wild. Abby: Tooo laaatteee swings the wine bottle through the air They laugh Jen takes another drink and falls down and starts laughing. Abby: Okay, I bet you the rest of this bottle that you don't have the berries(?) to kiss the next guy that comes up those stairs. Jen: Well, you're on, sister friend! They laugh as Dawson comes up the stairs and Jen turns around Jen: DAWSON! kisses him Dawson pries her arms off him Dawson: Whoa Jen! What are you doing? What is wrong with you? Jen smiles instantly and then slowly goes down the stairs Abby: pushes Dawson Nice going, Romeo. Dawson stands there surprised. Cut to Joey at the Icehouse. She's staring out the window then she goes back to washing the tables off. Jack is looking at her. Joey: What? Jack: Nothing. Joey walks over Jack: First fight? Joey: What? Jack: With your boyfriend. Joey: Hardly. Well, actually, um, yeah, as girlfriend and boyfriend. I mean, as friends we fought constantly but it's different now. Jack: Which means you haven't had your first makeup either. Joey looks at him. Jack: Go ahead, I'll lock up. Joey: I can't. I mean, Bessie would kll me, but thanks. Jack: What? You think I'm going to take off with your secret recipe for tarter sauce? whispers* It's not that good. Joey: Oh. smiles Think you can handle it? Jack: Turn off lights, lock the door... Joey: What the hell? Thanks Jack. hands him her apron. As she leaves she hears a glass drops, she stops for a second but keeps going. Cut to Dawson and Pacey Dawson: Hey. Pacey: angrily What's up? Dawson: Alright, look, I don't know what's going on between us but obviously it's something that set you off. Pacey: Me? I can't imagine what that would be. Hm. Dawson: Look, I'm about 2 seconds away from blwing it with Joey. You and I know everything about each other and I really need your advice. Pacey: You know everything about me, huh? You know how I got this scar on my chin? You know why my father hates me? You know why I ride the fine line between insecurity and self-confidence? Correct me if I'm wrong, Dawson, but you don't know the answer to any of those questions. In fact, I bet you don't even know when I was born! Dawson thinks and realizes he forgot.* Dawson: Oh my God. Oh my, it's your birthday. Oh, Pacey I'm so sorry, God. I'm such an idiot you were trying to tell me all day it was your birthday, too. And you were supposed to get your driver's license today. Pacey: Yeah but that didn't work out either. But I bet you forgot that too, didn't you? Dawson: No, we were supposed to go to Maine. I can't believe I forgot. Look, I'll make it up to you. Tomorrow night, you and me we'll do whatever you want. Pacey: Do you see this look on my face that I'm trying so hard to conceal? It has nothing to do with my birthday. It has nothing to do with the driver's test and it certainly has nothing to do with roadtripping to Maine. I came to this dark realization that everyone in Capeside has either written me off, demanding me unworthy of their time or their concerns AND the conclusion that I came to today, on my 16th birthday, is that my best friend in the world looks at me the very same way. Dawson: Pacey! How can I fix this? Pacey: You can't. Everything's different now. You've got Joey and our friendship just doesn't compare to what you two have, okay? I'm just not a third wheel type. Maybe we'll take that roadtrip next year. Cut to Dawson's house. Mitch is reading and Gail comes in. Gail: Good book? You know I was thinking about doing some redecorating. Mitch keeps on reading. Gail: Any thoughts? Mitch: No, whatever you think. Gail starts kissing him on the head and moves lower. Mitch gets up. Mitch: I don't want a divorce, Gail, but, um, we've gotta make some changes here and move on. Living life status quo is klling us. Gail: I know. Mitch: Okay, um, I was talking to a friend of mine about sex within the marriage and sex outside of the marriage and how it's a common factor in most marital problems. Gail: We take the sex out of our marriage? Mitch: God, no. This is about honesty. And we've lost that. And I just need to, we gotta open this thing up and explore some new possibilities. And I grant you it's a paradox to try to reclaim honesty by...by.. Gail: By what? Reclaim our honesty by what? Mitch: Gail, do you wanna try having an open marriage? She laughs but considers it.* Cut to Dawson in the rain. He spots Joey. He smiles. They walk towarsd each other. It's romantic. They get closer to each other and they lean in and Joey puts her head on Dawson's shoulder and he does the same on hers. Awwwwwwwww. Cut to Dawson and Joey sitting on a ledge. The rain has stopped. Dawson: I forgot Pacey's birthday. I'm his best friend and I forgot his 16th birthday. Joey: Is he alright? Dawson: No. He's really hurt and he's angry and he's not speaking to me. And I really don't blame him. Joey: Sorry Dawson. Dawson: Yeah, I pretty much suck. You know how Leery is. You know what it is, Joey, maybe I am the world's worst filmmaker. Maybe I'd be better off being a cook(?) somewhere. Maybe all my dreams are bogus and maybe there will be people lined up from here to Hollywood someday to tell me that. I just never thought you'd be one of them. Joey: Dawson, I'm not going to let you off the hook for what you did. I mean, it was wrong of you to go inside of my head and take my thoughts and my feelings without my consent. Dawson: Joey, I know. Believe me, I know. I'm so sorry I ever read them. Joey: Though, I don't owe you any explanation, I do owe you the truth because I have always been honest with you. The truth is...I've had these feelings for you for a long time, Dawson. And I ht a yearning, I've been squelching. I don't know, somedays it would just make me so mad at me, and us, and I had to take it somewhere and unleash it. It's my way of coping. It's where I go to trash life. And so it's not necessarily the truth, it's what I'm feeling at that particular day at that particular time. I save the truth for you, Dawson. I've always believed in you. I mean, you're the most extraordinary, talented person that I've ever met. I'm your biggest fan. Dawson: I'm glad I don't know everything about you because everyday you amaze me. There's a silence and Joey smiles.* Joey: Good! They laugh and lean in and kiss Cut to Jen and Abby Abby: You can bet those two won't be the poster couple for abstinence much longer. Jen: What? Joey and Dawson? Yeah right. Jo will hold out and then he'll get sick and tired of it. Abby: Oh come on. They've been sleeping together in the same bed. There's not much more you need to know about each other if you know what I mean. Jen: No, they're like brother and sister. I mean, Dawson even told me so himself. He doesn't ever think of her sexually. Abby: Well, maybe they're pretending like they're in Kentucky. Jen: Abby that doesn't help. Abby: What? Jen: Look at me, I'm a mess. Abby: Oh, don't say that. You have more style and sex appeal in your little finger then that white trash loser. Jen: I want him back. Abby: God, why? Jen: 'Cause I love him. Abby: Look, that's just the booze talking. Jen: No, I'm serious. I love him and I want him back. Abby: Alright. Then we're going to get him back for you. Jen smiles. Jen: 'Kay. Cut to Pacey sitting on a dock. Andie walks up. Andie: This is for you. She hands him a gift. It's not much. Pacey looks at the gift. Andie: Well it is your birthday, isn't it? Pacey: How'd you know? Andie: I'm psychic. Okay, I heard you and that guy, Dawson, arguing about it. I had it in the car, anyways. I was going to give it to my brother for Christmas but I kind of, well, forgot about it. Anyway, go ahead. Open it. Pacey opens it. It's a Magic 8 Ball Andie: Ask it a question. Pacey: Will I pass my driver's test on the next try? He shakes it. They read the answer. Pacey: Signs point to yes. What is my future? Shakes it Pacey: Cannot predict now. Here. Andie: Okay um.. She shakes it and accidentily drops it into the water. Andie: Oh no! I'm sorry. Pacey: That can't be a good sign. Andie: I'm sorry. Pacey: shrugs It's the thought that counts. Andie: I've always been this complete clutz. Some things never change. Pacey: Everything changes. Everybody changes. 'Cept for me. Take this stupid party for example. I thought I could be Pacey Witter, the guy who throws a good party but no, I'm still Pacey Witter, the guy who's failing biology, but now I'm a year older. Andie: You know, maybe you're just Pacey Witter the guy who's still trying to figure it out. Pacey: Well.. Andie: What? Pacey: We are so deep. Cut to Dawson and Joey making out on the dock Dawson: Hey you think you can get home okay? I've got to get back. I've got to try to talk to Pacey. Joey: Yeah. She kisses him and kisses him on the forehead. I'll be fine. Cut to Jen's house. Jen's looking in the mirror. Cut to Dawson and Pacey. Pacey: Ah, the perfect end to a perfect party. Dawson: Listen Pacey, I've been a really lousy friend lately and there is no excuse for forgetting your birthday but it's not because I've written you off, alright? This Joey thing has been so incredibly confusing and complicated and.. Pacey: Dawson, Dawson, Dawson, it's okay, man. I'm happy for you two. You deserve happiness. GOD KNOWS it took long enough. The only thing that I was trying to say is there are certain things that I'm going to miss as your friend but that's natural you know? No big deal Dawson: It's a very big deal. Maybe my actions have not exactly tested that lately but just because everything is complicated and everything is changing but nothing is ever going to change so much that you're not going to be my best friend. Pacey smiles and there's silence. Pacey: Are we having a moment? Dawson: Yeah I think we are....Let's go. Pacey: Alright. They get in the boat. Dawson: Man, that's really too bad about your license. Pacey: No, that's alright. I can take the test again in a couple weeks. Dawson: Well maybe you need some more practice. Pacey: Oh, please. You and I both know I've been breaking that state law for at least the last 3 years. Dawson: No, I mean right now. Pacey: What? Dawson: I know where the keys to the Mitch mobile are. Pacey: Dawson, please. Your father would kll you. Dawson: Don't wuss out on me now Pacey. Pacey: Listen, Dawson, we're cool you don't have to do this now. Dawson: Maybe I want to. They start speeding off in the boat* Dawson: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Dawson: Happy Birthday. Pacey: Thanks, bro.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x02 - Crossroads"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 203 "ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLES" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Bessie: Nina Repeta Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Abbey: Monica Keena Original Air Date: October 21, 1998 In this episode: When Jen and Dawson get paired up in an Econ class as a pretend couple who must come up with a "family budget," Abby convinces Jen to seize this opportunity to seduce Dawson, while Pacey's pairing with Andie brings them closer and reveals the truth about Andie's family. Meanwhile, Mitch rides Dawson about the new sexual nature of his relationship with Joey, and announces to Gayle that he has decided that an open marriage would be the best thing. And, Joey begins to see a whole new world of possibility and empowerment when she does research for her Econ project with an unmarried businesswoman. Cut to Dawson and his dad outside and his dad takes down the ladder. Mitch: Now don't give me that look. I know there's been a lot of late night creeping around and I'm just taking some standard precautions. Dawson and his dad start walking back towards the front door Dawson: You are so in denial. Mitch: Excuse me? Dawson: Denial. You can't except the fact that the little boy that you brought into the world is grown up. I mean, he's a sexual being. Mitch: Are you having sex with Joey? Dawson reaches for the door Dawson: No, I did not say that, but I am a sexual being responsible, mind you, but biologically a sexual being. They go inside Mitch: A sexual being? Dawson: Yep, and you are having trouble facing that reality. Dad, it's a typical parental problem. Do you know what? Mitch: No, what? Dawson: The sooner you accept that, the sooner you and I will have an honest relationship. Mitch: Mm-hm. Dawson. Are you...and Joey...having sex? Dawson: No! Mitch: No? Dawson: No! Mitch: Thank you. Dawson starts heading towards the stairs and up them Dawson: But one day, down the road, I'm going to have sex. And you're acting all paranoid...chucking ladders and locking windows is not going to stop me. Please, will you stop acting like a typical makes the little quote unquote hand gesture parent and just let things take their natural course. Let Joey and me hang out in my room, alone at night, unsupervised. There's a break. Mitch thinks. Mitch: No. Mitch walks into Dawson's bedroom and looks around Dawson: Why not? Mitch: Because, Dawson, the fact is I am a parent, alright? I am you parent and it's my duty to be paranoid about my 15 year old son upstairs in my own house having sex! Dawson: You are so un-enlightened. Didn't you grow up in the 60s? Mitch laughs. Mitch: You can psychologically deconstruct me all you want, but here's the deal. points to him Parent me. points to Dawson Child you, alright? He walks towards the doorway Parent, me. Child...you. He leaves and shuts the door Dawson smiles and looks towards the closet as the doors open and Joey climbs out and smiles. She walks towards him. Dawson: He is such a tyrant. Joey puts her arms around his neck. Joey: You handled him well. Dawson: You think so? They start kissing and Dawson's dad opens the door again catching them. Dawson and Joey smile. Dawson: acting surprised Joey? What are you doing here? They laugh. Mitch: Uh, Joey, will you come with me please? turning to Dawson What did I just say, Dawson, what did I just say! Dawson: You, Jane, Me Tarzan? Mitch: No. Parent, me, grounded, you. Joey: Bye Dawson. Mitch and Joey start to walk away. Dawson follows them out to the hall Dawson: Bye Joey. I'll see you in a few minutes. Joey turns around and looks at him Mitch: No you won't. Joey's house, a tea kettle is whistling on the stove. Joey walks in. Joey: Bessie, your water's boiling. Bessie: What? Joey: Nevermind. Bessie walks in with the baby Bessie: Joey, I'm so glad you're still here. Yesterday I got a call from the health department. They're planning on doing an inspection on the Icehouse sometime this week. Can you go over there? Joey: Now? Bessie: Yeah, just make sure everything is put away and spic-and-span. You know, the last thing I need is the health department slapping us with some big, huge fine or, God forbid, shutting us down. Joey is grabbing her backpack Joey: You seem to be forgetting something and it's called first period. Bessie: Oh, come on, Joey, it will only take a minute and I've got to take Alexander to the sitter's. Joey: He's missing a shoe. Bessie: Alexander! You kicked off your shoe! hands the baby to Joey Here Joey, can you hold him? Look, Joey, please just do me this one favor. Go by the Icehouse putting a shoe on Alexander on your way to school. Please, will you? Joey: Fine, here! with an irritated attitude I gotta go then! Bessie: Hang on. takes the baby Here, here, here. Oh, and Joey, while you're there can you just wipe down the counters real quick so it looks clean? Joey: Fine. Bessie: Oh, and the freezer! Can you mop behind the freezer? I can't even remember the last time we did that. Joey just stands there. Bessie: Thanks, Joey, you're the greatest! Cut to Dawson's house. Mitch is reading the paper when Dawson comes into the room. Mitch: If it isn't the sexual being himself. Dawson: You know what I was thinkin'? Mitch: No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me. Dawson: Don't even try to tell me that when you were my age you weren't sneaking around making out with girls in the backs of cars and movie theaters. Mitch: You're right, I was. Dawson raises his hands like he's proven his point. Mitch: But that was the whole fun of being 15, Dawson. It was the fear of getting caught that made it more dangerous and exciting. Dawson: So by restricting my access to Joey what you're really trying to do is liven up my sex life? He walks towards the kitchen where Mrs. Leery is. Did you hear that, Mom? Gail: What sex life? Mitch: No, now you're twisting my words again, Dawson. Go to school. Dawson laughs Dawson: Did you ever notice that whenever your parental authority is in question that you just start barking out orders? Mitch: Go. Now. Dawson kisses Mrs. Leery on the cheek. Dawson: Bye Mom. Gail: Bye honey. Dawson leaves. Mitch: You know, I think our son is training to be a lawyer. He has become the master of manipulation. Gail: I wonder where he learned that. Mitch: Meaning? Gail: Meaning that you both can come to incredible rationalizations especially when it comes to acting out your sexual impulses. Mitch: Oh, listen, Gail, this whole idea of an open marriage...it's exactly that. It's an idea. I'm not going to force you into anything if you're against it. You against it? Gail: Well I'm not for it, but if that's what it takes... Mitch: No, enough said. Gail: No, if what you need is to get even with me and sow your oats then.. Mitch: Gail! Let's just drop it. Drop the whole thing. I don't want to fight about it. Gail: You don't? Mitch: No. Gail: I love you, Mitch. She kisses him. I'll see you after work. Mitch: Have a good one. Cut to Capeside High Abby and Jen are walking down the sidewalk Abby: I have a very important question for you and I need an answer immediately. Jen: What is it? Abby: Who would you rather have sex with...Trey Carter or Jeff Birdwin? Jen: Uhh neither. Abby: Are you crazy? Look at them. Jen: What? They're a couple of gym junkies. They have no cultural interests, no inner lives of their own...all they do is play football and swap prn. They're a couple of (missed word) Abby: Yeah, but it's like they're so completely disgusting that it's almost erotic. You know what I mean? God, I can't believe I'm friends with someone who only has eyes for Dawson Leery. Jen: Guilty as charged. Abby: Please! You're making me ill. Jen, look at me. I have three words for you: make it happen. Jen: Abby.. Abby: No! Don't "Abby" me. Make it happen. Cut to Andie coming in the school doors and walking towards Pacey* Andie: Pacey, wait, I need your help. Pacey: Oh, God...here we go. Okay, Andie, I'm having a really mellow morning. I haven't had any car accidents, I haven't been diagnosed with any terminal defects, and I'd really just kind of like to keep a low pro so goodbye. Andie: Yeah, look, I'm sure there are a thousand dimwits with highlights and C-cups that you'd rather be talking to but you're the only person I know in Econ. so here's the deal. I left my backpack in my locker yesterday...can I borrow your notes over the reading? Pacey: I don't actually have any notes because I didn't do the reading. Don't give me the homework guilt trip, alright? That's what I have parents for. Andie: Did I say anything? I did not say anything. I'm just freaking out because what if Mr. Matick(?) calls on me in class? Pacey: Then you do what I always do, you say 'Pass.' Andie: Pacey, I don't say 'pass'. 'Pass' is not in my vocabulary. There's just, there's just no way. Pacey: Okay, settle down, it's just one homework assignment. It's not like you're flunking out of school. Andie: Yeah, I know that, but you get behind by one day, then you're always struggling to catch up. And then you just get more and more confused and then, next thing you know, you're out on the street, drunk and dirty wheeling a shopping cart. Pacey leans down on his knees. Pacey: Andie, you're rich. Rich people don't end up on the street, they end up in Florida. Andie: Mmm. The bell rings Pacey: Oh no, you're doomed! Andie: Come on! You've got to help me. I mean, do you know anybody that's in there? Do you know anybody that I could borrow notes from? Cut to Econ. class Teacher: And finally what is the difference between macroeconomics and microeconomics? Andie? Andie: Um...microeconomics is...microeconomics is when...she glances over at a kid with his hand up quietly Pass. Teacher: I'm sorry, what did you say? Andie: louder Pass. Pacey gives her a thumbs up sign Teacher: Kenny? Kenny: Microeconomics is the study of whole economic systems and how they inter-relate.When macroeconomics is study of individual areas of economic activity....like corporations. Teacher: Very good, well put. Thank you Kenny. Which leads me to your assignment. We're going to focus on the microeconomics of the family household. This week you're going to pair up and play a game I like to call "Alternative Lifestyles". Joey looks over at Dawson Teacher: (cont.) Now, in this hat, are all your names. You're going to choose a partner, I will assign you identities and then you are to prepare an extensive annual budget for your fictional household. I strongly recommend research trips into the field. How much money will you have to spend a year on food, clothing, travel? Now these are questions that every household must ask. And these are the questions I want you to answer. So let's begin. He holds the hat above Andie. Andie? Andie picks one Andie: Pacey Witter... Teacher: You and Pacey are a lower middle class family with three children. Pacey you're a busdriver. Andie you're a salesclerk. Abby picks Abby: Kenny Reily? Mr. Matick is it possible to switch partners? Teacher: No, it's not. Jeff Birdwin picks Jeff: Trey Carter. They high five. Teacher: You two, will be a well-to-do, same sex couple. Trey you're going to be a pediatrician, Jeff you are an advertising executive. Trey: What do you mean as in same sex? Teacher: Well, as in gay. And you're planning on getting married so your wedding expenses will have to be factored into your budget. Trey: What do you mean gay? Dawson picks. Dawson: disappointed Jen Lindley. Teacher: Okay, a wealthy couple, Dawson you're a stockbroker and Jen, you're an engineer. You've got two kids in college, a house at the beach, annual income, $400,000 a year. Last, but not least, Joey Potter. Odd woman out. That's okay, Joey, you will be a single successful single mother raising two kids on your own. Is that everybody? Good luck and don't spend all your money in one place. Cut to cafeteria. Joey and Dawson. Joey: This assignment is so lame. Pretending to be people we're never going to be, spending money we're never going to have, I mean, what's the point? Dawson: The point is getting us thinking about economic problems that we will be facing in the real world. Joey: Well, I hate to break it to you, Peter Pan, but some of us are already dealing with those problems. I mean this just gets me thinking about the future and how I have absolutely no idea about what I want to do with my life. Dawson: You have an idea. Joey: No, I don't. Admit it, Dawson, you've got it all mapped out. You're going to go off to Hollywood, become some high profile movie director, make millions of dollars, get a drug addiction, end up at the Betty Ford Center, marry some... Dawson: laughing Excuse me? Joey: When I close my eyes and think about where I'll be in 10 years it's blank, I have no idea. Dawson: You will, someday. Joey: This project is just going to depress me. Dawson: I think it will be fun. Joey: Oh, really, and are you as excited to partner up with Jen as she is? The look on her face was classic, Dawson. Dawson: Well, you have nothing to worry about. Joey spots Jen. Joey: Famous last words... [Image] Abby and Jen at lunch. Jen is staring over at Dawson. Abby: Ah, Jen, you're drooling! Look this is the moment of truth. You're going to be working with him all week long so the question is...are you going to be pantive and massikistic and piss me off? Or are you going to be proactive and grab him by the dipstick and make me proud! Jen: Abby, it's not that simple, alright? Take a look at him. He's totally into Joey. He's in love with her. Abby: He's a 15-year-old boy. He doesn't know what love is. All he does know is that he goes to sleep everynight jerkin' his gherkin and he wakes up every morning humping his mattress. They laugh Kenny walks up. Kenny: Excuse me, Abby? Hey. Abby: What? Who are you? Kenny: I'm Kenny Reily, I'm your partner in Econ. Abby: No you're not. Go away. Kenny: Look, I thought we should talk about our assignment. Abby: Um, could you just do the assignment and put my name on it? That'd be great. Thanks, Bye! Kenny walks off Abby: Anyways, I think it's time for a little bit of this New York City aggression. I mean, you have to show him the old, naughty Jen because this new Jen just isn't workin'. I mean, you're going to working together the whole week. It's the perfect opportunity. Late night study sessions, role playing like you guys are husband and wife...you can remind him of what a great couple you used to be and how compatible you two are. Jen: I don't know. I don't want to jump the gn, you know? Abby: I want you to jump the gn. His gn, and I want all the gory details. Cut to the Icehouse. Jack is mopping. He dumps the water on the floor.* Joey: What are you doing? Haven't you ever mopped before? You dip the mop in the bucket, you don't dump the water on the floor. Jack: Look, I know I've made a few blunders, but I'm not a screw-up. Joey: Here. I'll do it. Don't worry about it. Just go wipe off the counters. Bessie walks in Bessie: What is going on here? Is something flooding? Joey: No, Jack...nevermind. I've taken care of it, but can we save some of this clean-up for tomorrow? Bessie: No way! This week we have to stay on top of everything. I'm so paranoid that the health department is just going to jump down our throats. Joey: It's just that I have this huge Econ. project due Friday. It's worth 1/3 of my grade. I have to prepare a household budget for a single career mother and I have no idea what I'm doing. Bessie: I'm virtually a single career mother. I can help you. Joey: No thanks, Bessie. You're not exactly the model for this assignment. First of all, she's a super successful career woman with $160,000 annual income. Bessie: Joey, maybe I'm not super successful but if there's one thing I know how to do it's budget money. Joey: You know, you're right. I should get some advice. I should find a single career mother who's living this assignment and ask her for help. Bessie: I can do it. You keep cleaning, and I'll advise. Joey: Thanks, Bess, but you can barely get your bills paid on time. Thanks for the offer but I think I'll find somebody else. Cut to a coffee place. Pacey: Dude, check out this Viper. Andie: Pacey, can you please put that down for one second? Is that possible? We are seriously over-budget by like $30,000. Pacey: I don't need the jacuzzi. As long as I get this Viper, everything will be alright. Andie: Pacey, you are a bus driver, and I am a salesclerk. We're not getting any Viper. Okay, I think the first decision that we should make should me where we're going to live. Since we have 3 kids, we should get a four-bedroom house. Pacey: Kids don't need their own rooms. You know, not everyone gets to grow up like you, very princess. Andie: I want a divorce. Pacey: Granted. We can split the cash, you can keep the kids, I'll take the car. Andie: That is so typical. Doesn't that sicken you that you're living up to the most common embase of all male stereotypes? You don't care about your wife and kids, no. All you care about is this overpriced piece of metal. Pacey: Hey it's got passenger side airbags. Look, I want a Viper. That's it. End of story. Andie: Okay, compromise. You'll get your Viper. If and only if we can find a buyable two-bedroom apartment. Pacey: And how are we supposed to do that? Andie: Well, Mr. Matick said we should do some research in the field so..let's go apartment scouting. Cut to Mitch doing some work when a car pulls up and Gail and another guy pull up. The guy hands Gail her briefcase and she kisses him on the cheek. Mitch goes back to his work and Gail walks towards him. Gail: Hi honey. Where's Dawson? Mitch: He's, uh, studying next door. Gail: What a day. Mitch: Yeah, I'll bet. Gail: I missed a deadline, the car wouldn't start, Frank from accounting had to give me a ride home. Mitch: Why didn't you call me? Gail: I thought it'd be easier if I got a ride. Mitch: With Frank from accounting. Gail: Please, don't tell me your mad about that. Mitch: Look, Gail, I know that Frank just gave you a ride home, alright? But I can't stop how I feel. There's no trust here, no honesty. I don't know what to do to get it back. I don't know maybe this idea of an open, this open marriage thing. Gail: Mitch.. Mitch: No, no, wait, wait, just here me out. Maybe, by taking away the rules, I can take away the need to trust you, and we can get back some of what we lost. Gail: Meaning? Mitch: Meaning from this moment on Thursday night is date night, we can go out with whomever we want, do whatever we want, when whatever we want, and the only rule is that we're honest about it. See, there's no need to lie, an open marriage allows us that. Cut to Dawson and Jen in Jen's room. Dawson: Um, maybe we should send our kid's to state school. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper. Jen: Dawson, if we had kids they'd be Ivy League material. Dawson: These prices are astronomical. According to our tax bracket, we would have to earn $60,000 a year to send one kid to one year of college. Jen is laughing. Dawson: What are you laughing at? Jen: This conversation. I mean, listen to us talking about our mortgages, how we're going to afford to send our kids to college, I don't know, it's like we're actually married. Who knows maybe 20 years on down the line...could be us. Dawson: I think these travel expenses are a little bit unrealistic. I mean, we're going to want to go someplace warm in the winter, right? Jen: Yeah, somewhere like the Florida Keys...I've never been to Hawaii. Dawson: Jamaica. Jen: How 'bout Figi? Dawson: Figi! I could totally do Figi. That'd be cool. Um, we should, um, call our travel agent, do some price checking. Should we take the kids? Jen: No. They're in college they probably won't want to go with us. Dawson: They'll probably be sick of us. Jen: Besides, if we go alone it'd be much more romantic. Well, Dawson, we've agreed on practically every aspect of married life, I don't think we could be more compatible. Dawson just lifts his eyebrow. Jen: puts her head on his shoulder. You know, it's kind of a relief that you and me can still hang out. Dawson: Yeah... Jen: You know, it's funny. I have these moments when I feel as if nothing's really changed between us. Dawson just stares off. Jen: Kind of like right now. Dawson: Well, I think we've done enough work for tonight. What do you think? He gets up and heads for the door Jen: Um, Dawson, if you happen to get any inspiration on the assignment or just want to talk or whatever, I'm here for you. My door's always open. If you know what I mean. Dawson: I think so. I'll see you tomorrow. Jen: Bye. [Image] Andie and Pacey are apartment scouting Andie: What is that? Landlord: Rat trap. We have a little vermon infestation, not a big deal. Andie: You're renting the place, as is? Landlord: Yep. As is. Andie: Still want that Viper? Pacey: What are we doing here? Are we doing this project or are we moving in together? We've looked at twelve different apartment buildings and for what? Andie: Research. Mr. Matick told us to do research. Pacey: Yeah but the assignment is due tomorrow and we don't have a thing on paper. Andie: Is that my fault? Pacey: Yes! It is your fault. You're the one that's been leading us on this ridiculous apartment scavenger hunt. They're walking down the stairs Andie: I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I actually got into this project, Pacey. I'm sorry I'm not the biggest slacker on the planet. Pacey: After all this, you still think I'm lazy. Andie: No, Pacey, there's lazy and then there's you. Are you trying to win some teen rebel award? I mean, do you think it's cool to give the finger to everything and everyone that doesn't fit into your little self-destructive agenda. Pacey: Let's get one thing straight. You don't know me. Andie: Well enlighten me. My econ. grade depends on it. Pacey: Okay, you want the broken record? Here it is. Since before the dawn of time, I have been designated the black sheep of my family. This label is permanent. I can't erase it, and I can't trade it in for a new one. I could bring home an 'A' in econ. or an 'F'. I could bring home the Nobel Peace Prize and it wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference. So Miss Perky you try growing up in a family atmosphere like that and see if you can stay motivated. Andie: I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. Pacey: No, of course not. You were too busy getting into character. "Oh I'm just a salesclerk, a poor little salesclerk look for an apartment." You want to know the reason this assignment is so fascinating to you? In reality, you've never had a problem in your life. You drive around in your Saab, you buy your new clothes, and you basically throw your money away. The idea that people actually have to budget their money is like some novelty to you. You're rich and you're spoiled and that's what it comes down to! Andie: You know what, you're right. I don't know anything about me and you know even less about me so just leave me alone! Pacey: Andie, wait, I.... Landlord: So..are you going to take the apartment? Cut to Joey looking at a model of a house MissWeston: Hi. Joey: Hi. I'm Joey Potter. Thank you so much for seeing me Miss Weston. MissWeston: Oh please, Joey, call me Laura. Joey: Anyways, I know you're probably really busy but I'm preparing this household budget for Mr. Matick in your name since you're the living embodiment of a single, successful career woman. She laughs Joey: What's so funny? MissWeston: I don't know, I never thought I'd someday be thought of as the embodiment of a successful career woman. to some guy Dayle, can you bring me the filing portfolio? I need to look at it before the meeting. the guy nods Joey: Well you must have always been pretty ambitious to be doing so well, I mean... MissWeston: Aw, ambitious? Are you kidding? Not at all. A few years ago I was the quintessential housewife. Raising kids, staying home, no job. Growing up I'd always loved art and drawing so I went back to school. Now I'm teaching art and working as an interior designer. It's great because I spend half my time teaching, which I love, and spend the other half, in design. a guy walks up Thanks. Joey: You must be incredibly talented. MissWeston: Incredibly hard-working is what I am. Oh and Joey, we're doing the designs for a chain of Mexican restaurants. Come take a look at these floorplans. Joey: They look good to me. MissWeston: Look closer, do you see any potential problems? Joey bends over and looks Joey: Um...nevermind. MissWeston: No, no, what is it? Joey: You placed the kitchen and the bar and opposite ends of the restaurant. MissWeston: And why is that a problem? Joey: Well, I work in a restaurant and with it like that, the waiters have to place the kitchen orders and the drink orders separately. Everything takes twice as long and you end up running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. MissWeston: Mind if I pick your brain for advice on some of these other designs? A little trade-off for helping you with your assignment? Joey: I don't know. I'd love to. Cut to Abby and Jen in the coffee house Abby: Nothing? Nothing has happened? You've been working with him all week and you expect me to believe that nothing has happened? Jen: I'm telling you nothing has happened. I don't know. I mean, he's so head-over-heels in love with Joey I just can't compete with her. Abby: That is where you're wrong. Joey has nothing on you. Kenny, what do you think of Joey Potter? Kenny: She's hot. Abby: Oh, shut up! What do you know. You're practically wallide(?). Kenny: Well, Abby, I do know that we should be working on our assignment. Abby: Okay, you're bugging me. Can you just get out of my hair and finish it? Kenny: Look, Abby, you haven't been doing your share of the work. Abby: Well, what do you expect? I'm not like you, Kenny. I have a very demanding social life. Kenny goes back to work. I mean, Joey may be pretty. She does have that fresh-face appeal in a very J. Crew-catalogue kind of way, but she's no you. You're a sex kitten, Jen. And you should work it to your advantage. Jen: What are you saying? That I should just take off all my clothes and throw myself at him? Abby: It could work! Opportunity is not a lengthy visitor and tonight is your last night with him! I mean you have to go for broke. Wear something scandalous. You can borrow one of my dresses and just spray perfume in all the right places, big red moist lips. Jen: You know what, you're right. Might as well put the final nail in my coffin of shame, what have I got to lose? Abby: Yeah. Just seduce him. His tighty-whities will be in a ball by the floor of the bed before you can say "Joey Potter is a virgin." They laugh Cut to Mrs. Leery lighting candles for dinner. Mitch walks in. Gail: Dinner's ready. Mitch: Well, I made other plans, Gail. It's Thursday. Gail: Thursday, right. Well then, you have fun. See you later. Mitch: Bye. Cut to Dawson and Joey on the porch Joey: So you want to come with me to the Icehouse? I told Bessie I'd help clean up. Dawson: No, I've got to stay here and finish my project with Jen. Joey: Oh. singing Mineeee's donneee. Dawson: I hate you. Joey: Oh yeah? They kiss Joey: Well, Laura practically did the whole thing. She is so cool, Dawson. She said anytime I want to enter into a company, she'd help me out. Dawson: Really? Joey: She just made me realize that maybe someday I could own my own business or my own company. Dawson: See it looks like Joey has some career aspirations after all. Gail comes out the front door Gail: Um, if your father comes back tell him since it's Thursday night, I've gone out. Dawson: When will you be back? Gail: Later. Goodnight honey. She leaves. Joey looks at Dawson, confused. Dawson: I've given up trying to figure out my parents. It's really weird right now. They sit there and Joey smiles. Joey: You think we should take advantage of this moment of unsupervision. They start kissing Jen walks in Jen: Hey. They stop Dawson: Hey. Jen: If I've interrupted something I can come back later. Joey: No I was just leaving. Bye Dawson. She kisses him. Nice dress. Jen: Thanks I borrowed it. Joey: I'll bet. Joey leaves Dawson: So, um, where do you want to do this? Jen: Somewhere where we can be comfortable. Let's go to your bedroom. Cut to Icehouse. Trey and Jeff are talking. Trey: Why do we need two Range Rover's? Compromise Jeff. A couple weeks in Europe..we drive a cheaper car. Jeff: You know what, forget the honeymoon! You drive the cheaper car! Trey: Why are you so selfish? I mean, why do you act like that? Jeff: Yeah I'm selfish! They walk off as Joey looks confused by their conversation. Joey: Hey! Sorry I'm late. God, this place is a pigsty. Jack: We got slammed. Joey: Hey Bessie I was telling Laura about our financial problems. Bessie: Who's Laura? Joey: She's the interior designer who helped me with my project. Bessie: Oh the super successful career woman. Joey: Anyway, she had some really great ideas. Ways to keep our overhead cost down. Laura also said she'd help us with a new logo for the Icehouse. I mean, we could print new menus, placemats... Bessie: We don't need new menus or placemats. Joey: She said she could do it for free.She said it's crucial for businesses to revamp their new look every once in awhile. It keeps things fresh. Bessie: I don't have time to take advice from some woman who knows nothing about me or my life or the Icehouse. Joey: She was just trying to help. Bessie: I don't need her help. I need your help, now. The health department called they're coming here tomorrow morning and this place is a total disaster. Joey: Look, you don't have to snap at me like it's my fault. Bessie: Well, I thought you were coming in earlier, we needed you tonight. Joey: Well, I'm sorry, Bessie, but I actually have a life. I am not your full-time slve. Bessie: Full-time slve? That's a bit of an exaggeration. Joey: Oh is it? Bessie: Yeah! Joey: The fact is all I do is run your errands, answer your phone calls, and take care of your baby and I'm sick of it! Bessie: Oh, Joey, I'm sorry my baby and I are cramping your style why don't you go home. Jack and I have it covered. [Image] Icehouse, Pacey walks in. Jack: Hey, we're closed. Pacey: Listen, can I just get a cup of coffee, man? I'm desperate. Jack: Yeah, yeah sure. Pacey: You're Andie's brother, right? Jack nods. Pacey: I'm Pacey. Jack: Yeah, I know who you are. Pacey: Uh, listen, is your sister on any kind of medication because she just went completely ballistic on me. Jack: Why? What'd you do to her? Pacey: Nothing. I just called her a spoiler princess and she just went psycho. I guess the truth hurts sometimes. Jack: Andie a spoiled princess...I don't think anything could be further from the truth. Pacey: Don't tell me your family's not totally loaded. Jack: You think I'm workin' here for kicks? Pacey: Yeah, but your sister drives a Saab man. And all those nice clothes... Jack: Yeah it's the last remains of a decaying dynasty. Pacey: I don't get it. Jack: Look, there was a time when things were easy for us, relatively, but those days are over now. Look I really don't want to get into this. Just do me a favor. Give Andie a break. She deserves it. Cut to Mitch and Gail on their free nights doing absolutely nothing and looking very bored. Cut to Dawson and Jen in Dawson's room. Dawson: happily Alright, we're done! Jen: Finally, huh? Mission accomplished. Oh my God I am so exhausted I can barely see straight. Dawson: Yeah, I feel like I've become one with this chair. Jen laughs Jen: How about a massage? Get rid of a little bit of that tension. Dawson: No, I'm cool. Jen: Are you sure? Jen goes over and lays on the bed. Jen: God, I am so bat. I don't even think I can make it next door. You mind if I just crash here for the night? Dawson: surprised* Yeah, actually I do. Jen: What? Dawson: Yeah, I do mind. You should probably go home. Jen: So what? We can't hang out together anymore is that it? Dawson: No, absolutely we can hang out together. We just can't sleep together. Jen: Well, calm down, Dawson. I just said I would crash at your house. No one said anything about sleeping together. I know what it is. It's Joey, isn't it? She's been putting ideas in your head about me. Dawson: No, Jen, Joey hasn't been putting ideas in my head. I'm not oblivious. Jen: Meaning? Dawson: Meaning, look at you. I mean, is this what you normally wear to a study session? I mean, you've been making suggestive comments. Testing me all night. Jen: Dawson if you can't handle being in the same room with me-- Dawson: I can handle being in the same room with you. I just can't handle you throwing yourself at me every other second. I mean, don't you find it humiliating? Jen: I'm not humiliating anybody, Dawson. And I know that you're with Joey and I accept that. I just don't respect it. And I don't mean this in a slutty, self-degrading sort of way, but I want to let you know that you've got options. And I'm one of them. Dawson: Who are you? What happened to Jen? Jen: She got bored. Decided to liven things up a bit. Jen kisses him and walks towards the door and turns around I hope you can handle it Dawson. She leaves. Cut to Mitch and Gail in their bedroom. Mitch: Have fun? Gail: Yeah. Did you? Mitch: Yeah. Gail: Good. So what'd you do? Mitch: Went to Duke's. Met some new people. Danced a little. You? Gail: Oh, I met a friend for some drinks. I'm glad you had a good time tonight, Mitch. They turn off the lights Cut to Joey on the porch. Bessie drives up. Joey: I was beginning to think you skipped town on me. Bessie: Yeah I was up all night cleaning. Look, Joey. Things aren't working out for you and the Icehouse so you're fired. Joey: Fired? Bessie: I just don't think you should be working there anymore. Joey: You can't fre me. Bessie: Yes I can, and I am. Joey: I know what you're doing Bessie. I couldn't sleep last night I felt so bad. What I said, I didn't mean. Bessie: Yes, you did. You were right. I'm in way over my head, but these problems are not yours. I don't want to be the one robbing you of your childhood, the fun of being young. Not burdened by all my messes. It's not fair. It's not fair to you and I'm sorry. Joey: Bessie, these are my problems because you and I are a team, you know? And you can't fre me because I'm not going anywhere and I won't be fired. And I love you. And Alexander. And I don't ever want you to feel like you're in this alone. Bessie: Yeah but you're my little sister. I'm supposed to be taking care of you. Joey: You do. You do take care of me, Bessie. Bessie: You know, one day I'll get it together and you'll be proud of me. Joey: I am proud of you, Bessie. I mean, this assignment helped me understand how much you have to deal with and how much stress you are under. I think you're amazing. Bessie: Yeah? Joey: Yeah. Cut to Econ. class Teacher: Unlike some of your schoolwork, the lessons that you learned from this project, can be directly applied to your future lives. Therefore, I hope, I hope, I hope that you gave this project's it's deserved attention. Now will you please pass your projects to the front of the room for me. Jeff, how'd that wedding turn out? Jeff: Great, Mr. Matick. We decided to go for a casual one by the ocean, just you know, Jeff and Trey: Close friends and family. Trey: And that way we can spend more money on the honeymoon. Teacher: Good decision, Trey. Kenny: Mr. Matick? Teacher: Yes Kenny? Kenny: FYI, Abby Morgan's name is on this report because she thrat my life and didn't help at all and spent the entire week just verbally abusing me. Abby: That is a lie! Look, Mr. Matick, Kenny was congested and he literally had snot all over his face. I just didn't want to get ill. Teacher: I hope you set aside money for marriage counseling. So Andie, where's your project? Andie: Well, Mr. Matick, since marriage is a 50/50 partnership, I decided to do my project from the wife's perspective so..here's my half. Pacey walks in with a notebook.* Teacher: Pacey Witter! Nice of you to join us. This your project? Pacey: Mine and Andie's. Teacher: Looks pretty comprehensive. Good work, you two. And now that this is over you'll get these back on Monday then on Monday we'll start our project on macroeconomics. Cut to outside of school Dawson and Joey Dawson: I am so glad that project is over. Joey: I liked it. Dawson: You did, didn't ya? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: I can see it now, Joey Potter climbing the ladder to corporate america. Joey: Shut up. Dawson: Come here. They start kissing. Abby and Jen walk towards them. Abby: Get a room. Abby and Jen continue walking Joey: What was that all about? Dawson: I have no idea. Cut to Andie and Pacey. Andie: Pacey, hey! Pacey: Hey. Andie: Thanks for finishing the project. I guess I can never call you lazy again Pacey: Listen, I'm sorry about yesterday. 'Kay. I think we were both suffering from a case of false impressions. I talked to your brother last night and he explained to me that your family is not exactly the Rockefellar's. Andie: He did? Pacey: Yeah, so I feel like the world's biggest chump here. Andie: Don't sweat it. Pacey: No, really, it's true. I obviously don't know anything about you. Andie: Look, Pacey, my life is like a Movie of the Week is better left out of this conversation here, okay? Pacey: Okay. Andie: So what I want to know is did we get the viper? Pacey: Come on, after all we've been through do you think I could really get the Viper? Andie gives him a look. Pacey: Okay, I had to but it's such an awesome car. Andie: That means all of our kids are stuffed into a 2-bedroom apartment. Pacey: Actually it's a one bedroom apartment, but, you know, the family that lays together stays together. Andie: Pacey, 5 people in one bedroom. That is insanity! Pacey: Are you complaining? I stayed up all night finishing this project. They pass a convertible where the lady in it turns her head and takes off her sunglasses revealing that it's... MISS JACOBS!	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x03 - Alternative Lifestyles"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 204 "TAMARA'S RETURN" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Tamara: Leann Hunley Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Original Air Date: October 28, 1998 In this episode: Joey's newfound passion for art drives a wedge between she and Dawson. She's nervous about taking her focus off of Dawson to concentrate on herself, and Dawson can't seem to recognize how important this budding interest is to her. While continuing to develop his flirtation with Andie McPhee, Pacey unexpectedly bumps into Tamara and realizes that he is far from over her. And when Jen and Abby meet a handsome stranger who shows more interest in Jen than Abby, Abby drops her new best friend instantly. Dawson and Joey are making out outside on a blanket Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? Joey sits up Dawson: What? Joey: What are we doing? Dawson: What does it look like we're doing? Joey: It's just not working. I mean, I'm freezing and there's bugs. Can't we go somewhere else? Dawson: W...Well...we can't go to my house and we can't go to your house so our options are kind of limited. Joey: I know but I feel too Swiss Family Robinson. I mean, I'm a 20th century girl. We should make out in some music, mood lighting and climate control. Dawson: Where's your sense of romance? We've got gorgeous moonlight shimmering in the water. We've got stars overhead...crickets chirping...we have plenty of trees and if you get cold you've got me to keep you warm. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: What? Joey: You are so cheesy. Dawson: You don't like it? Joey: Are you kidding? I find it unbearably sexy. They start making out again [Opening Credits] Cut to Mitch and Dawson walking down a sidewalk in Capeside Dawson: I was beginning to think this whole restaurant idea of yours was just a [missed phrase]. Mitch: Not if I can find the proper location. And this woman swears that I'm not going to find a better deal than her warehouse. Dawson: Where are you meeting her? Mitch: Right here. She said she'd meet me at 8. Dawson looks up and sees Tamara Jacobs heading towards them Tamara: Dawson. Dawson: surprised Miss Jacobs. Tamara: Well, I'm not your teacher anymore, Dawson, you can call me Tamara. Mitch: Tamara Jacobs, I'm Mitch Leery. We spoke on the phone. Tamara: Yes, Mitch. Hello. Dawson: Are you moving back into town? Tamara: No, I'm just in Capeside for a few days to sell this property. Dawson: Well, I...I should get going to school. Mitch: Yeah. Dawson: Bye Mis--catches himself Tamara. Tamara laughs Cut to Capeside High. Dawson catches up to Pacey Dawson: Pacey, hey! I need to talk to you. Pacey: Let me guess. You and Joey are having another love spat and you want my opinion. Well, here it is. Joey is being sarcastic and oversensitive and you, my friend, are being self-absorbed and self-catering. Dawson: This has nothing to do with Joey and me this has to do with you. Pacey: What? Do I owe you money again? Dawson: No, my dad and I were walking downtown today and we ran into somebody. Pacey: Who? Andie walks up to her locker Pacey: Hey look who the cat dragged in. Andie: Nice to see you too Pacey. Don't worry. I'm just here to get a few books out of my locker then I'll be on my merry way. Pacey: Tell me Dawson, who was it? Dawson: You know we should really talk about this in private. Pacey: God, you know what? I've got to go. If I'm late to Mr. Matick's class again he's going to have an aneurysm. I'll catch up with you after school. Dawson: No, I've got to meet Joey for this art thing. Pacey: Ah, the sacrifices we make for young love, huh? Listen, man, just talk to me later! Cut to Joey and Jack Joey: Hey, Jack. Jack: Hey Jo. Joey: Bad news. Suder(?) called and cancelled on Bessie so we can't open this afternoon but the good news is you have the day off. Jack: Okay, but we could open anyway. Joey: Well, I'd love to but Bessie's at home with the baby and I've got to go to an art lecture after school so there's really no one to cover all the tables. Jack: Well, there's me. I could do it. Joey: You? Inspecter Kleso(sp?)? Jack: What? You don't think I could handle it? Joey: Jack, every since we hired you it's been nothing but a slapstick comedy. I mean, you drop dishes, you misplace orders, you fall all over yourself. Jack: Then why don't you just terminate me if I'm such an incompetent moron? Joey: We don't want to terminate you, Jack. thinks about it Alright, you can open. Bessie will be relieved and it will be like a test run. Just, uh, don't set the kitchen on fre or anything...okay? Jack: Yeah, well, thanks for that unqualified vote of confidence. Cut to lunch. Jen is sitting when Abby comes up and holds money in front of her face.* Jen: Oh, Abby. Would you get that out of my face? Abby laughs then sits down Abby: Oh come on. It's allowance time and I feel a major buying binge coming on. So tomorrow get your pocketbook and a sensible pair of shoes and let's go blow some major dough. Jen: You know, I really don't feel like shopping. Abby: Don't feel like shopping?! Jen: No. Abby: You don't feel like shopping and you call yourself a woman! Jen: I'm just not feeling all that festive, alright? My plan is to spend the weekend in bed...counting my ceiling tiles. Abby: Please, don't tell me this has something to do with your ludicrous Dawson Leery fixation. Jen looks at her. Abby: Jen, damn it! You're such an ass! Jen: Shhh! Abby: I mean what is so great about Dawson Leery? He's just a guy with a motormouth and a limp billy(?) club. Turn over a rock and find yourself another guy. The whole world's crawling with them. Jen: Look, it's not that easy, okay? I mean, I got rejected. It hurts. And to make matters worse...that whole Dawson-Joey-Pacey troyca(sp?) I just hate being on the outskirts of it, you know? I mean I used to fit in. Abby: Count your blessings. Those people are boring. Jen: Yeah. Yeah, well, I guess I just need a few days to nurse my narsocistic wounds. Abby: Jen, you've had a few days. You're practically in hibernation. Winter is over, Jen. Come out of your cave. And I need you with me. Jen: What could you possibly need me for? All I'm going to do is rain on your parade. Abby: Well, shopping for me is like deep sea diving. It's dangerous and exciting, and if I do it alone I may never come up for air. Please don't let me go by myself. I could drown in a sea of dresses and hair gel. They laugh Cut to a classroom. Andie drops some movies Pacey: picking them up McPhee. I didn't know you were a closet movie freak. I just thought you were a freak in general. reads titles Ghost, The Way We Were, pardon me as a gag, oh my god, Dumbo. Andie: Okay, so I have a grade school mentality when it comes to movies. Get off my back. Pacey: No, no, I love Dumbo. Andie: You love Dumbo? Pacey: Are you kidding? It's my pantion(?) of all time favorites. I cried when I saw it as a kid. Andie: You cried during Dumbo? Pacey: Are you joking me? I bawled my head off. I mean, the way those elephants made fun of him for those fat, floppy ears and then he loses his mother. Oh my lord, that's one of the saddest movies ever. Andie: This is really strange. Pacey: What is? Andie: Well, just when I've written you off for good you drop this whole Dumbo bmb on me. Pacey: Hey, look, uh, I'm outta here and I got no plans so uh what do you say we walk around downtown or something? Andie: Yeah, right, what's the joke? Pacey: No joke. I got no plans. And, believe it or not, I'd rather spend the afternoon exchanging barks with a bright like yourself than flying solo so pinch yourself, it's your lucky day. So you in? Andie: Yeah, I mean, might as well. Pacey: Unless you have your heart set on watching Dumbo. Andie: Nah, I've seen it like 500 times. You're not going to throw me in front of a bus or anything? Pacey: Interesting idea. Hadn't thought of that. Cut to art lecture.* Laura: I'd like to close with this piece, "Winter Mist". It's Jarvis' most famous work. No one can deny after looking at this exquisitely tuned surface that this picture that the positions of color and shape.. Dawson has a skeptical look on his face. Joey looks like she's concentrating and interested. Laura: (cont.) the intensity of his lines...that Jarvis was in complete control of his new technique. Sadly, three weeks after Jarvis completed "Winter Mist" he died from alcohol poisoning. Despite his untimely death, Jarvis left a lasting impression on the art world and his title of one of the abstract expressionists of the 20th century...will live on. Audience claps. Cut to Dawson and Joey walking outside Joey: The art lecture was great wasn't it? Dawson: It was certainly...prolonged. Joey: You hated it. Dawson: No, not at all. I just don't think abstract impressionism is really my thing. Joey: Your thing? Dawson: Yeah, I don't know it just seemed so unresolved. Joey: Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah, I mean it's just a blob of paint that offers up more questions than answers. Joey: A blob of paint, Dawson? Dawson: Well, like "Winter Mist" for example. What was the ultimate emotion expressed in that painting? Joey: Dawson, newsflash. Just because a painting does not have a beginning, middle, and an end like some summer release, popcorn movie doesn't mean it's not charged with emotion, okay? Dawson: I guess I like my art with a verdict. Specific, coherent, and to the point. Like romanticism. I can totally get into romanticism....if you know what I mean. Joey: Yes, I know what you mean. Laura walks up. Laura: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Laura! Great lecture. Laura: Did you really like it? Joey: It was awesome. Laura: Tomorrow I'm teaching an art class so if you two are interested in auditing(?) you're definitely welcome. Dawson: I've got to work. Laura: Joey? Joey: I'm afraid my artistic skills peaked in the 3rd grade. Laura: Ah, it's a beginner's class. You don't have to be Picasso, just willing. Joey considers it Cut to Pacey and Andie walking downtown Andie: This truck literally came out of nowhere and I didn't see it so now my Saab's back in the shop. Pacey: Another accident? You are officially the world's worst driver. Pacey sees Tamara Andie: Pacey? Pacey what's wrong? Tamara: Hello Pacey. Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend? Pacey just stands there. Tamara: Tamara Jacobs. Andie: Nice to meet you. I'm Andie. Tamara: Pacey was a former student of mine. Pacey: Yeah, I was her teacher and she was...no, I was her student and she was my teacher. Tamara: Well, I'm late for an appointment. It was really nice to see you, Pacey. Pacey: Yeah, likewise. Tamara: And nice to meet you, too, Andie. Take care. She walks off. Andie: Pacey what's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost. Pacey: No I haven't seen her for awhile and she was my teacher and uh... Andie: Your teacher. Did she flunk you or something? Pacey: Uh, no, no. Uh, you know what, Andie? I think I'm going to have to take a raincheck on this. Um, I'm really sorry, but I've got to go, okay? Andie: What? Are you serious? Cut to Pacey watching Tamara enter a warehouse. Cut to art class. Laura: I'm on to you, Joey. Joey: What do you mean? Laura: How many other talents have you been hiding from me? Joey: Please, it's an apple and a banana. It's hardly the second coming. Laura: You can be as self-depreciating as you want. It doesn't change the fact that you're a natural. You, my friend, have a gift. Do you draw much? Joey: Uh, when I was little, I did. I wanted to be like my mom was. Laura: Was? Why did she stop? Joey: She, uh, she didn't. She...she died. Laura: Oh, I'm so sorry, Joey. That must have been incredibly difficult. When? Joey: A few years ago. She had breast cancer. Laura: She was an artist? Joey: Sort of. I mean, she taught herself. She wasn't a professional...like you. She just kind of did it for fun. I remember she used to draw pictures from my favorite stories and hang them in my room. Laura: So, art must be in your genes. Joey: I don't know. I guess. Laura: Well, if you enjoy this, Joey, I think that you should really pursue it. I could recommend some great classes. Joey looks at her. Laura: Okay, why the look? Joey: Are you serious? Laura: I'm very serious, and you know what? You should take yourself a little more seriously. I mean, I may not be a great artist, but I like to think I have an eye. And my eye says you're good. Joey: Why, when you say that, do I suddenly feel overcome with anxiety? Laura: Because with talent comes responsibility, and you owe it to yourself not to let this talent go to waste. Cut to Dawson's house. Andie knocks on Dawson's door Dawson: Be right there. He opens it. Andie: Hey Dawson. Dawson: Andie. Hey, come on in. I'm just having a domestic spell. What are you...what are you doing here? Andie: Uh, what am I doing here? I was in the neighborhood, and I was wondering what the english assignment is for Monday, so I thought you might know, and....here I am. Dawson: It's the first chapter of Gulliver's Travels. Andie: Cool. Great. I'm going to go home right now and read it. Thanks. Dawson: Andie? Andie? Are you sure that's why you came by? Andie hesitates Andie: I don't really know you, Dawson, but if I ask you something, do you swear that you'll keep it in the strictest of confidence. Dawson: Yeah, absolutely. Andie: Has Pacey said anything to you about...possibly liking someone? Dawson: Liking someone? Liking who? Andie: Liking, oh, I don't know...me? Dawson: Uh, not that I recall. Andie: Oh. Dawson: But that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. He could very well like you. He just doesn't say anything to me. Why? Do you...do you like him? Andie: Me? Like Pacey? No way...well...maybe....possibly. Dawson: Why don't you just tell him? Andie: I could never, EVER tell Pacey that. I mean, he's a pig. He's obnoxious. There's just no way, and you have to swear to me that you will not tell him either. Dawson: Why do I feel like I'm in 2nd grade? Andie: Dawson, please. Dawson: Okay, I won't say a word. I swear. But...I've know Pacey a long time, and that obnoxious pig behavior is sometimes his attempt at flirtation. Andie: Really? Dawson: Yeah. Andie: Okay! Thanks! I'll see you around! She walks away and then turns around and hands him back the boxers she had picked up and been holding of his. Cut to Abby and Jen sitting down at a table in a restaurant. Abby: Now, that was what I call a shopping spree. I can't believe I blew my entire monthly allowance in less than 20 minutes. That is a record for me...I think. Jen: How are you going to explain it to you parents? Abby: The usual....I got mugged. Jen: In Capeside? You are crazy. Abby: You love me, right? I mean, this morning you had that whole hung-jawed, woe-is-jen thing, but now look at you. You're smiling, you're laughing, you've got new lipstick. Aren't you glad you met me? Jen: You know what? I am. I mean, I left New York because I couldn't handle being the bad girl anymore, but, I tell you, if being the bad girl means not walking around in a perpetual state of loneliness and depression, then bad girl it is. Abby: I'm glad I'm getting you back to your roots. Oh my God! Jen, don't look now, but the biggest babe I've ever seen in my life is sitting right behind you. Jen turns around and looks. Abby: Mine. I called him. Jen: No way, Abby. Look at the guy. He's, like, twice your age. Abby: Perfect. That means he's almost mature enough to handle me. I'm so sick of these little boys. I need a real man with chest hair and body odor and illegitimate children scattered across the country. towards the guy Excuse me! Hi, uh, what's your name? Jen: to Abby Shut up! Vincent: Vincent. Abby: Hi, Vincent. I'm Abby, and this is my friend Jen. So, you're eating alone? Vincent nods Abby: Well, you're welcome to come join us. We don't bite, unless we're asked to. Vincent: I'd love to join you ladies, but I have to get to the docks. Abby: The docks? What do you do there? Sunbathe? Vincent: I'm a fisherman. Got a 2-month stint on a long-liner, hauling swordfish. Abby: Oh, so you're not from Capeside? Well, if you ever want somebody to show you the sights, give me a call. Abby Morgan, 555-0142. Vincent: Thanks for the offer. to Jen I didn't catch your name. Jen: Jen. Vincent: Jen. It's nice meeting you, Jen. Jen: You too. Cut to Joey sitting sketching when Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hey you! Joey closes her sketchpad. Joey: Hi. Dawson: What's up? Joey: Nothing. Dawson: pointing to the sketchpad That's not nothing. What is it? Joey: It's a sketchpad. I was just doodling. It's no big deal. Dawson: Well, what were you doodling? Joey: Well, if you must know, a bowl of fruit. It was something I was working on in Laura's class. Dawson: A bowl of fruit? You're really getting into this whole art thing. Well, let's see it. Joey: No! Dawson: Come on! Joey: I don't think so. Dawson: Why not? I like this new art interest. You know, Joey Potter: Artist extraordinaire, empress of all impressionism, getting on top of the table master of all still life. I hereby declare myself a full-fledged, madly enthusiastic fan of your new hobby. They kiss. Joey: Dawson, why is it your obsession with movies is your life passion, while my interest in art is a hobby? Dawson: Ah! I knew, I knew as soon as I said "hobby" that it was the wrong word, but by the time I said it, it was already noticing Joey getting her things together it was gone, and there was no getting it back. Joey: You know, I really have to finish up, so I'll see you later. Dawson: Well, so you're just going to leave it like this? Joey: Like what? Unresolved? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Why don't you just consider me a nonspecific, incoherent, expressionistic painting? kisses him on the cheek then slaps him on the back Have a GREAT day, Dawson. Cut to Pacey at Tamara's Pacey: Hi. Tamara: Hi. Pacey: I was debating whether or not I should actually do this, uh, the "this" being coming out to see you because...you know, when we said hi yesterday it was, uh, a little.....awkward. And I don't know, I just thought that I should come-- Tamara: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Tamara: It was supposed to feel awkward. Pacey: How about this? Is this supposed to feel awkward, too? Tamara: M-hm. Pacey: And if we were to see each other a third time? Tamara: Still awkward. Pacey: Oh, good. Well, at least there's a science to this thing. Tamara: Yes. It's what we ex-English teachers call a classic "Pinter" moment, where everything is said in silence because the emotion behind what we really want to say is just too overwhelming. Pacey: And, uh, that's what we're having? A "Pinter" moment? Tamara: Yes. Pacey: That's okay with you? Tamara: Well, silence is an acquired taste. The more complicated life becomes the better it is to learn to say nothing. Pacey: Okay. Then, uh, maybe we could have just a couple more seconds of silence? Tamara: Sure. Pacey: Who is this Pinter guy? Tamara: Stay in school, Pacey. Pacey starts walking away. Pacey: Yes, Miss Jacobs. Cut to Mitch and Dawson in the Leery's kitchen. Mitch: Want some breakfast? Dawson: No. I'll just have some juice. I gotta go find Joey. Mitch: How are the two lovebirds? Dawson: Um, good...I think. This art obsession is making Joey a little crazy. I can't do or say anything right. I made the mistake of teasing her about this art lecture. She went sybil on me. Mitch: Well, in my experience, Dawson, erratic behavior of the female orientation usually means the root of the problem is something unexpected. It's probably not about art. Go find out what it is. Dawson: Is this your father knows best moment? Mitch: Have one every now and then. FInd her. Talk to her. Dawson: Alright, thanks. Pacey walks in and Mitch leaves Pacey: Hello. Dawson: Hey Pacey! The man, the myth, the legend. Pacey: Listen, Dawson, that little secret you had yesterday...Tamara? You really should've told me. Dawson: I tried to tell you. You were off and down the hall before I could get it out. Pacey: Well, you see, we got a situation here, now, because I realized last night that I'm not entirely over her. Dawson: Oh, boy. Um, Pacey, I'm your friend and I want to be supportive, and helpful, but the only thing I can think of to say to you in good conscience is stay away. You haven't even fully recovered from the gossip fallout of your last completely illegal interlude. There are girls your age, there are girls who like you. Would it be so terrible if you fell for one of them? Pacey: Like who? Dawson: Like the one who came to my house yesterday and told me that she liked you. Pacey: Who? Dawson: I'm not supposed to say. Pacey: Dawson, I'm not in the mood. Who? Dawson: Andie. Andie likes you. Pacey: Andie hates me. Dawson: When a girl hates you the way Andie hates you, it really means that she likes you. That's basic kindergarten psychology. Pacey: Yeah, but that's different, Dawson. Andie's a girl, okay? And Tamara...Tamara's a woman. Dawson: Exactly. Pacey, you should be with a girl. Okay, look, I gotta go and I'm really sorry, but I'm begging you, as your friend, don't go there. Cut to Icehouse Joey: Hey Bessie! You think I could have the day off since there's nobody here and there's this huge art exhibit at the college I'm dying to go see? Bessie: Sure. I'll hold down the fort. Joey: You are, without a doubt, my favorite sister. Bessie: I'm your only sister. Bessie: And hey, Joey, this place is dad. Why don't you take Jack with you? Joey: There's priceless art at this exhibit. He could do some serious damage. Bessie: Just take him. I feel sorry for him. He just sits around looking dopey. Joey: Hey, Jack! Do you know what an art exhibit is? Jack: Yeah... Joey: Do you want to go to one? Jack: Sure. Joey: to Bessie* This should be entertaining. Cut to Mitch and Tamara in the warehouse. Mitch: It's a great space. Location's ideal, with a little work, of course. Tamara: Well, I probably shouldn't be telling a prospective buyer this, but I am eager to sell so you're going to get a good deal. Mitch: Trying to outrun some financial difficulties? Tamara: laughs We both know my problems weren't strictly financial. Mitch: Yeah, well, since you brought it up. Um, a student, wasn't it? Tamara: Yes, something like that. Um, the ceiling needs fixing up, but the windows are completely new. From what I've heard, you're no stranger to scandal yourself. Mitch: Only if your definition of scandal includes your wife having an affair with her co-anchor but if you don't mind, uh, I'd like to give that image a rest for the afternoon. Tamara: Understood. Cut to Abby and Jen pacing the docks. Jen: Abby, we've been pacing these docks for, like, 2 hours. What are we still doing here? I'm starting to feel kind of stupid. Abby: What do you think? We're look for Vincent. Jen: Who? Abby: Vincent. Jen: The fisherman? Abby: The babe. We're on hunk patrol. Jen: Oh my God, Abby, you've got to be kidding me. There's got to be, like, a hundred different boats here. We have no idea which one he's working on. We're not going to find him, and yeah, he may be good looking but he's old enough to be your father. Haven't you ever heard of statutory rpe? Abby: Oh shut up! Cut to art exhibit* Joey: We don't have to stay long. I just want to take a look around. I know this must be incredibly boring for you. Jack: Boring? Jarvis is, like, my all-time favorite expressionist. Joey: Your favorite expressionist? Jack: Yeah, you know about him? Joey: Just that he was an alcoholic and he died young. Jack: And he was a genious. Look...amazing painter. And, you k now what? He was severely manic-depressive so, like, half of his paintings are all, well, chaotic and...and colorful and the other half...the other half are, like, real...suggestive, you know? But this pointing to a painting this one. This is his most famous painting..."Winter Mist". I love it when a painting can really affect you emotionally. I mean, I find this one really intence. Joey is staring at him shocked. Jack: What? What are you looking at Joey: Nothing. I just had no idea you were such an art connoisseur. Jack: What? You think my only talents are waiting tables? Joey: No because if that was your only talent, then you'd be completely talentless. Jack: Oh-ho-ho. I see. So, not only are you shocked to find out I have a brain in my head, you think I'm a terrible waiter on top of it? Joey: You know you're a sucky waiter, Jack. Jack: No way! I'm awesome! Alright. Maybe, every once in awhile, I mess up an order-- Joey: Jack, "every once in awhile"? You're a walking sight gag. Jack: Sight gag. Joey: Yeah. Jack: Well, I guess that's one way of looking at me. But just like if some shallow person stumbled across all these paintings and labeled them, like, I don't know, messy or meaningless, you know? But if you stare at the images long enough, you can see they're filled with great power and passion...intelligence. Joey: I'm sorry, Jack. Jack: For what? Joey: For jumping to the wrong conclusions. I mean, there's obviously a lot more to you than pratfalls. Jack: Well, Joey, you ain't seen nothing yet! Joey: laughing Okay... Cut to Abby and Jen. They found Vincent. Abby: Hey there, Mr. Man! We've been looking for you. Vincent: You came all the way down here looking for me? Aren't I a lucky guy? Abby: You have no idea just how lucky uou are. Vincent: What can I do for you, Abby? Abby: You remembered my name. Vincent: I never forget a pretty face. Abby: Well, we came down to invite you out. I was thinking a night on the town is in order. A little joyride up the cape. There's a watering hole in Portsmouth where we could throw back a couple of drinks. I'm sure you've heard of it...Whitey's? It's all the rage with you laborers. Vincent: "Laborer"? Is that my designated label? Abby: No, don't take it the wrong way. I love laborers. They're sexy and they know what to do with their hands. Vincent: Well, I'm going to have to pass. Abby: Pass? What do you mean? Why? Vincent: I'll tell you why. I'm not interested in playing some blue-collar pin-up for some oversexed, condescending teenybopper. Abby: Excuse me? Vincent: Thanks for coming by and slumming it. Abby: to Jen Let's go. Jen holds back Jen: Vincent? Hey...Abby's got a particular way with words that, that sometimes the stuff she says comes out wrong, but she means well, mostly. Anyway, the only reason we came all the way down here is because she likes you, so give her a break, would you? Vincent: It's Jen, right? Jen: Yeah. Vincent: I have to be honest. I don't like your friend. I think she's a stuck-up phony who wouldn't know a real man from a hole in the wall, but you...you're different. I can tell, and if you'd like to, I'd be happy to take you out sometime. But do me a favor, leave Abby at home. Abby: Jen! Jen, come on! Vincent: Hey, Jen. Thanks for coming by! Cut to Jack and Joey outside the exhibit Joey: I've actually started doing some drawing on my own. Jack: Really? Joey: Yeah. Jack: That's cool. I'd love to see anything you've done. I mean, if you want to show it to me. Joey: Well, there's not much to see, really. Laura just had us working on a bowl of fruit, which isn't the most inspiring subject matter to say the least. Jack: See, you shouldn't be wasting your time drawing things you're not passionate about. Draw what you love. Joey: What I love? Jack: Yeah. That's what artists do. They go to a place inside themselves, and they find what inspires them, you know? Draw what's important to you. Dawson walks up. Joey: to Dawson What are you doing here? Dawson: I was looking all over for you. I went to the Icehouse and Bessie said you were here. Jack: So, uh, Joey, I'm going to take off. Joey: No, we can all walk back together. Jack: No, that's cool. I've got some errands to run, but listen, I had a blast. Joey: Me too. Thank you for coming. Jack: Sure. Dawson: So you want to check out the exhibit? Joey: I already did, Dawson. Dawson: Do you want to show me the paintings you like? Joey: Dawson, it's okay. I know this isn't your thing. You earned your points just by coming. That's enough. Dawson: No, Joey, I want to be here. I want to be with you. Jo, talk to me. What's wrong? I know I hurt your feelings by being too flip about this art thing, and I'm sorry. It was never my intention, believe me. I'm just trying to be us, Dawson and Joey, who analyze and argue and debate and disagree. You've put me in my place a thousand times about some movie. Why can't we just interchange subject? It might actually be a refreshing change. Joey: It is SO much more than that, Dawson. Dawson: Then why are you closing yourself off to me? What's changed? Joey: That's the point, DawsoN! Nothing's changed! You, me, we're exactly the way we've always been and I am SO tired of it! Cut to Pacey and Tamara in her warehouse. Pacey: So I looked up this Pinter guy. Harold, playwright, the king of subtext. You say one thing, but you mean another. We're big on that here in Capeside. Tamara: laughs Yes, I know. Pacey: Do you think it's possible for us to have a moment without all the subtext? Tamara: Uh, I don't know, Pacey. Words have always gotten us into so much trouble. Pacey: Yeah, well, that's not going to happen this time. I bet you thought I came over to your house the other day to pour out my wounded heart to you, to confess just how much I miss you, and to tell you that seeing you the other day brought back all the old feelings. But, really, I'm fine. You know, I keep thinking that I shouldn't be over this, but I am. You know, sexually, we were pretty good together, but in all other respects, we were on 2 different planets, and that's what I came to tell you the other day. I'm fine. I've grown up. Tamara: You have. I see that. Pacey: So laughs I guess this is it...the last big goodbye. Tamara: Goodbye Pacey. He starts to leave and then turns around and him and Tamara go at it. Pacey: I think we could probably both benefit from one of those silent moments right now. Tamara: Yes, I think so. Pacey: This Pinter guy was really onto something. Woo. Tamara: Yes, he was. Pacey: Um, Tamara.. Tamara: You know what, Pacey? Uh, I have a buyer coming here in, like, an hour, and I really need to clean up this place. Pacey: Is that subtext again? Tamara: No. Pacey: Listen, I know it's over, okay? It has to be, but I just...I need to know, um, oh, God...do you...miss...teaching? Tamara: Yes.....very much. Pacey: Good. Because I miss your teaching....very much. He leaves. Cut to Jen and Abby in the hall Jen: Abby, I like your dress. Did I tell you that? Abby: Only about 300 times. Jen: Alright, I give up. What did I do? Why are you punishing me? Abby: I liked that guy. We went down there for me...and you just stole him right out from under me. I saw the looks you were giving him, batting your eyelashes at him with the mascara I bought you. Jen: Abby, that's not true! I didn't do anything. Abby: And after everything I've done for you. And, I mean, I like one guy, just one guy, and you can't step out of the spotlight long enough for me to get him. Jen: Look, you can have him, okay? I don't want him. You're my friend. That's what's important to me. Abby: Screw the crap. Friends don't compete over the same guy. Jen: Don't blame me just because you got rejected. Abby: I didn't get rejected. That's your specialty, not mine. Cut to Joey and Dawson Joey: Can we talk? Dawson: Yeah, if you explain what's going on. You're scaring me, and I'm afraid if I say anything it's going to lead to a fight. Joey: Dawson, look, I've been thinking of how to make you understand my behavior lately. You know, why I've been pushing you away but then I realized that I don't even know, Dawson. All I know is that you are very important to me, and this art thing, whether it be a hobby or my life's passion, is important to me, too. It is the first thing other than you that's been important to me in a long time. Dawson: Joey, that's great. I'm glad you have that. I really am. I just don't want us to lose what's great about us. Joey: Dawson, you've been everything to me, and I have been your sidekick, your confidant, your other half for so long, and that's how our relationship works. And it's a nice place for you, but for me, it's scary because I realized that, aside from you, I don't have anything. My entire life is attached to you, Dawson. I was working on these sketches, and somebody told me to draw what's important to me. What inspires me. What I love...and this is the only thing I could thing of. She hands him her sketchpad where a picture of Dawson was sketched. Dawson: Joey, look... Joey: And that's not okay with me, Dawson. I care about you so much, but if I ever lost you, I would be standing here totally void of anything else in my life. I live in total fear of doing nothing, of going nowhere, and that is why I shut you out. Because if I can't have something to hold onto independently from you, then I don't have anything at all. Dawson: First of all, I'm not going anywhere. Secondly, I just want you to be happy. Now, whatever that means, I'll provide it or support it or be completely uninvolved with it. I mean, whatever it takes. I just want us to stop fighting. Joey: Dawson, I wasn't fighting with you. I was fighting with myself. Part of me wanted to send you off from me, and the other part wanted to hold you so tight. Dawson: Well, which part of you won? Jo? Joey: Dawson, I don't mean to sound like a blob of paint, but can we just let this one thing remain unresolved for now? Dawson sighs and they hug. Cut to Pacey knocking on the window at Andie. He walks in and takes a seat. Pacey: Is this seat taken? takes a bite of her burger How's the burger here? Andie: Dawson told you, didn't he? Don't play dumb. When dumb people play dumb, it's very disconcerting. Dawson told you what I told him, and that's why you're acting so weird. Just admit it. Pacey: I really have no idea what you're talking about. Andie: Yes, it's true. I had a brief flash of maybe feeling like I didn't, possibly, hate you. Hm, but it will pass so there's no need to get a big head or anything. Pacey: So you think it'll pass? Andie: It may pass. It most likely will pass. Unless...no. It will definitely pass. In fact, I think it just did. Yep. There it went. It's gone. Pacey: You like me. You really like me! Andie: Pacey, please stop torturing me. Pacey: I want to, but I can't. There's just something about you McPhee. You bring out the sadist in me. Pacey and Andie glance across the street and see Tamara getting into her car. Andie: Don't you know that woman? Pacey: I did. But not anymore.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x04 - Tamara's Return"}	foreverdreaming
Episode #205 "Full Moon Rising" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Tamara: Lee Ann Hunley Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Original Air Date: November 4, 1998 In this episode: The full moon puts everything in a twist and nothing goes according to plan. Joey has a healthy respect for the havoc that can be wreaked by this monthly event, while Dawson maintains his usual romanticism on the subject. That is, until he is forced into joining the sinking ship of his mother's dinner party, at which his father Mitch infuriates Gale by showing up very late - and with Tamara in tow as a surprise guest. Romance goes awry on several other fronts as well, as Jen hooks up once again with hunky dock worker Vincent, despite Abby's jealousy. Determined to seduce this older guy, Jen realizes she's made a mistake when the situation turns ugly. And, Pacey and Andie finally agree to go out on a date but as fate would have it, they just can't seem to find each other in the right place at the right time. Meanwhile, Jack and Joey battle a strange power outage in the restaurant (which leads to a forbidden kiss) but are aided by a strange lone customer. Dawson's room: on the television, a wolf is jumping over a cliff and there's a full moon in the background. Dawson: Is there anything more beautiful than a full moon? It looks close enough to touch but it's a million miles away. The camera starts zooming around the room leaving Dawson and Joey nowhere to be seen but still heard. Joey: It's actually only 240,000 miles away, Dawson, and it won't be completely full until tomorrow night. The camera focuses on the open window Dawson: Well... Wind blows through the window then CUT TO Dawson and Joey outside sitting on the roof with the reflection of an almost-full moon in the window behind them. Dawson: (cont.) It's still romantic. Joey: makes a face How did the moon become the state flower for romance? I mean, it's just a natural satellite that reflects the sun's light. Dawson: Well, casting it's peaceful and silent glow over a chaotic world. I love a full moon. Joey: But peaceful, Dawson? A full moon turns everything off-kilter it turns everything upside-down. I mean, weird things always happen during a full moon. Dawson: Is Joey Potter being superstitious? Joey: defensively No, scientific. Dawson: perplexed How do you figure that? Joey: Human beings are made up of 70% water, right? Dawson: Yeah. He kisses her on the chin. Joey: smiles And the moon controls the time. Dawson: Mm-hm. Dawson kisses her on the lips Joey: Pulling great bodies of water back and forth, it does the same thing to us. Dawson: still kissing Joey Really? Joey: Pulls us in different directions, disrupting the normal flow of things, and Dawson? Dawson: Yeah? Joey: I'm telling you. Weird things always happen during a full moon. Dawson: You're scaring me. Dawson slips on the roof. Dawson: Oop! he laughs Joey: seriously Very funny. Joey looks back up at the full moon. [Opening Credits] Mitch and Tamara are walking in downtown Capeside Mitch: Can I see those plans one more time? Tamara: Absolutely. Mitch, I don't mean to sound desperate, but I really am anxious to sell this place, so if you're at all interested, I will make you the fairest offer known to man. Mitch: Is it that bad being here? Tamara: Let's just say Capeside really is a bridge I should burn. Mitch: Tell you what? Give me one more look at those plans, and I promise you I'll make a decision. Cut to Jen walking and Vincent catches up with her Vincent: Hey Jen. Jen: Hey. How's it going? Vincent: Where's your evil other half? Jen: Oh, Abby? Abby and I are in a trial separation period right now. Vincent: Lucky you. So Jennifer...I'm desperate. You've got to help me. What goes on in this town? Jen: Not much. Vincent: You know...I've been here a week now, and you're the first breath of fresh air that's blown through and you probably think I'm flirting with you. Jen: And you're not? Vincent: I am, but I thought I would acknowledge it and smooth things out a little. Jen: It helped....a little. Vincent: Wait. Look, I'm not very good at this so please bear with me. I have been at sea for the last 18 days with a bunch of ill-mannered, drunken idiots, and I would really love to reacquaint my brain with the simple pleasures of life. Jen: Which are? Vincent: Well, conversations that don't offend my mother's virtue with 4-letter words and an exotic cup of ground roast coffee. So, please, if you have any compassion for the working man, say you'll show me the gentler side of Capeside. Jen: Well, I suppose it would be my civic duty. Vincent: Tonight? Jen: makes a face like she can't Ohhh. gives in 7:30. 22 Seafare Drive. Vincent: I'll be there. Cut to Andie walking into the video store where Pacey is watching a prn.* Pacey: Well, if it isn't Little Miss McPhee. Andie: I'm just here to get a video, Pacey. Pacey: Can I help you? Andie: Don't bother.. I can help myself. Why don't you just go back to your....Debbie Does Dallas? Pacey: It's, uh, Jacuzzi Floozies, actually. You ever notice how the most interesting part of a prn movie is the title? Think about it. You got The Sperminator, Romancing the Bone, Little Oral Annie... Andie: I don't know why they bother being clever. I mean, they're all the same to me. They should have the same title: Women Pacey Will Never Do. Pacey: Ouch. You know, McPhee, we really should just bite the bllet. Andie: Meaning? Pacey: All this verbal sparring we're doing is getting a little dangerous so we should just go out on a date before somebody gets hurt. Andie: Forget it. Pacey: Come on. You know you want to. Andie: Well, maybe if I was asked politely. Pacey: Okay. Andie..would you like to go on a date with me tonight? Andie: Okay. Pacey: sarcastically Well, don't sound too enthused. Andie: I'll try to restrain myself. So where are we going? Pacey: Uh, how about the movies? That way we don't have to talk to each other too much, less chance of punches being thrown. Andie: Good idea. Pacey: Great. I'll pick you up at 7:30. You live on Windsor, right? Andie: panicked Um, I'll meet you there. Pacey: No, it's okay. It's a date. I can pick you up. Andie: Okay, well, how about we meet at the Icehouse? I mean, neutral ground. Pacey: Andie, it's fine. Your house is on my way. Andie: Well, maybe we shouldn't do this. Pacey: Come on, Andie. Don't wuss out on me now. Andie: hesitant Well, okay. Um, 7:30. See you there. Don't be late. Pacey: looks confused, then smiles Cool. Cut to Andie outside the video store smiling. Cut to Jen in a drugstore looking at make up. Abby walks in Abby: Hey! So you're not still mad at me, are you? Jen: What? For calling me a desperate loser? Gee, why should I be? Abby: I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I always get a little wiggy around this time of the month. steals a lipstick Oops. Look, let's never let a guy come between us again. Men will come and go, but you and I are kindred spirits. We're rebels bound together by the common need to break out of this small town abyss. Jen: Alright. Are you sure that you're okay with this whole guy thing? Abby: Absolutely. Jen: Okay. Great 'cause I've been dying to tell somebody. I've got a date with Vincent. Abby: You bitch. Jen: What? Abby: After everything I've done for you...how could you go and steal him from me? Jen: Are you out of your mind? He doesn't even know that you exist, Abby. They leave the drugstore Abby: You might want to stop and pick up some condoms. You're in the big leagues now, babe. I mean, that guy probably has illegitimate kids scattered up and down the eastern seaboard. Jen: Shut up, Abby. Abby: Yeah, he probably likes it kinky, oh but that's right. You're the girl from New York City, right? Jen: I'm warning you, back off. Abby: Yeah, ol' Vincent probably knows an easy lay when he sees one. Jen turns around and bitchslaps Abby. Jen: Don't you ever talk to me again! Ever! Cut to the Leery's kitch. Gail is cooking and Joey and Dawson are doing homework at the kitchen table. Mitch walks in Mitch: Hey guys. Dawson: Hi Dad. Joey: Hi Mr. Leery. Mitch: What is with the Betty Crocker routine? Gail: I'm playing ambassador to a visiting reporter from the city. Happens every couple of months. This time, rather than going out, I thought I'd have him over here for dinner. Mitch: Him? Gail: Yeah, him. Gary Somers. He's going to be our New York roamer and affiliate. Mitch: It's Saturday, Gail. That sounds more like a Thursday night excursion. Dawson: What are Thursdays? Gail: It's work, Mitch. It's for work. Mitch: You know, somehow the fact that he's a coworker doesn't provide me much comfort. I wonder why. Gail: At least I have coworkers. Mitch: Meaning? Gail: Meaning, I work. Therefore, I have coworkers. Mitch: Oh, Gail. You can do better than that. Joey: I gotta go to work. Dawson: I'll go with you. Dawson and Joey exit into the hallway Joey: What was that all about? That Thursday night stuff again. Dawson: Joey, my parents are scaring the hell out of me. Joey: Don't worry about it, Dawson. It's just the full moon. It puts everyone on edge. I gotta go. Bye. Joey leaves and Mitch storms down the hallway. Dawson: Dad, what was that all about? Mitch: angrily Not now, Dawson. He goes upstairs Cut to Jen applying makeup in her mirror Grams: You sure you don't want to come to bible study, dear? It's the Book of John. Tonight he baptizes the sinners. Jen: I'll pass, Grams. Grams: If you ignore the religious ramifications, you might find it simply entertaining. Jen: Nice try, Grams. Grams: Well, I won't be late, dear. timelapse...knock on Jen's door. Jen opens it and it's Abby. She walks in. Abby: I cannot believe that you would ht me. Me! Your best friend! Jen: Well, need I remind you that in the past two days you've called me a bitch, a slut, and a loser. Abby: Yeah, but I would never ht you! Jen: You're warped. You know what? Why don't you just go home? Abby: Why? Is the dork from the docks comin' a-callin'? Jen: Yes, he is. See ya later. Cut to Gail and Gary in the Leery living room. Gary: The Atlanta convention? A total disaster. 600 reporters without reservations, erased. Imagine that chaos. Gail: Wow. Doorbell. Gail: Oh, excuse me, Gary. I'll be right back. Gail opens the door revealing...Tamara Tamara: Hi. I'm here to see Mitch. Gail: Oh. Really? Tamara: Yes, I'm-- Mitch cuts her off Mitch: Tamara. Come in. Tamara: Hi Mitch. I'm leaving tomorrow, so I thought you might want to take another look at the blueprints for the warehouse while you're making your decision. Sorry to sound so desperate. Mitch: No. Let's take a look. Gail, you've met Tamara. Gail: angrily PTA meeting. Cut to Icehouse where Joey is sketching a lone customer while Jack makes oragami figures out of paper. Joey stops and counts her tips. Joey: $2.08...Saturday night. Where is everyone? Jack: Relax. Enjoy the quiet. Joey: If Mr. Bottomless Cup of Coffee would leave, I'd close the place. Jack: You really don't like being a waitress, do you? Joey: What gave you the first clue? Jack: Your utter disdain for our customers. Joey: And you find this new vocation stimulating? Jack: Absolutely. Come on. At what other time in your life are you ever going to be exposed to so many different walks of life, so many different people that just randomly cross your path, each with a different story, different set of hopes, different set of dreams... Joey: Ways to blame you for their food being cold, there are not enough clams in the chowder.. Jack: Why are you so angry? Joey: It's just the full moon. It's got me freaked. Jack: Not just tonight. All the time. Jack walks off and Joey ponders what he just said. Cut to Jen and Vincent. Jen hands him a cup of coffee Jen: Here you go. Just a touch of milk. Vincent: Thank you. Ah, it's nice being off the boat for a night. Jen: You enjoy that? I mean, being out at sea for such long periods of time? Vincent: No. Saving up for law school. My uncle owns the marina over in Bayboro and he hooked me up with the job. Jen: You're going to be a lawyer? Vincent: I know. You would have never guessed, would you? Jen: No. Vincent: No? Jen: I'm sorry, no, I don't mean to be rude. I just.. Vincent: I know. Appearance is everything. Jen: Unfortunate, isn't it? Vincent: Not from where I'm sitting. Jen: Are you flirting with me again?,br> Vincent: I can stop. Jen: Where would the fun be in that? Vincent: That's a good point. Cut to Leery's. Tamara and Mitch are looking at the blueprints. Dawson looks in. Tamara: Okay, well, with the entrance here, and this area has excellent ventilation, I think that would be a good place for the kitchen. Mitch: Right. How high are the ceilings back here? Tamara: What did I say? 17? 20? Dawson moves and looks in at his mom, confused. Gary: We were trying to get... Gail: Get a statement from him in the middle of the worst snowstorm New England had seen in 40 years. Gary: laughing And he was on the next plane out of here. Cut to the kitchen when Mitch walks in and finds Dawson. Mitch: What are you doing? Dawson: Nothing. Gail: in other room Would you like another glass of wine? Gary: Yeah, sure. Mitch: What is your mom up to? Dawson: Same as you. Gail comes in Gail: Same as who? Mitch: Oh, nothing. Dawson: Nothing. Gail: So Mitch, you really think that you are going to buy this condemned building to open up a restaurant? Mitch: Yes, I do. Gail: Who are you fooling? It's clear what's going on here. You jumped down my throat for having over a guest when it is obvious that your Thursday night escapades are overflowing into the weekend. Dawson: All right. What's going on? What are Thursday nights? Mitch: Go to your room, Dawson. Dawson: No. I... Gail: Honey, now. Mitch: I'm planning on opening a restaurant. Now, you know this. Gail: And how are you going to buy the building? Mitch: I got a loan, Gail. Gail: That's good because I'm getting tired of indulging in the dreams of a man who can hardly look me in the eye. Mitch: Well, I am sorry that I have been such a burden to you. While you've been in there playing with Gary or Bobby or whoever it is this evening, I've been indulging some of my own dreams. Gail: Oh and those dreams...they involve Dawson's english teacher? Mitch: They involve a damn restaurant. Not everything is about sex, Gail. At least not to me. Cut to Dawson laying on his bed. Abby: Great. Dawson flies up in shock discovering Abby peering out his window into Jen's house with binoculars. Dawson: Oh my God! What the hell are you doing in my room? Cut to Pacey at Andie's. He knocks on the door. Andie's mom answers Andie's Mom: Yes? Pacey: Hi. I'm here for Andie. We have a date tonight. Andie's Mom: You must be Pacey. Come in, please. Pacey: Thanks. She's not mad at me, is she? I just...I got kind of mixed up between the Icehouse, movie house, your house. It's confusing really. Andie's Mom: I'm sure she'll be along soon. Pacey: Oh. You know, we're going to miss the movie now. She's going to annihilate me. Andie's Mom: I'm sure you can talk her out of it. She's very taken with you. Pacey: She is? Andie's Mom: She talks about you all the time and Will, that's Andie's father, he'll be home any minute. I'm sure he wants to give you the third degree. And Tim! You should meet Tim! yelling Tim! Tim! to Pacey He's got those darn headphones on. Pacey: Who's Tim? Andie's Mom: Andie and Jack's older brother. He goes to Columbia. He comes home some weekends. I'll tell you what? You can stay for dinner. You finish the table. Include Andie and yourself. Pacey: Sure. Andie's Mom: Tim? Tim! Andie's Mom goes upstairs looking for Tim Pacey: Okay. This just became a bizarre first date. Cut to the Icehouse. Jack is tapping at the lobster tnk.* Joey: Hey. How's our lone customer? The lights go out...then come back on. Joey: looking around Oh my God! The pump is down! Jack, if the lobsters die, we're going to lose a fortune. Jack: I...I didn't touch it. Joey: We have to remove these from the tnk and put them into some ice. Can you go get that tub over there? Jack: Hey, why don't we just throw 'em back in the ocean. Give them another chance at life. Joey: Yeah, if you do that, you can just jump right in with them. Hurry up! Andie comes into the Icehouse* Andie: Is he here? Jack: Who? Andie: Pacey Joey: I haven't seen him. Andie: Well, I was supposed to meet with him tonight, so I went to the movie theater and I waited til after the show started, and he never showed up. notices them lifting out the lobsters What are you guys doing? They ignore her Uh, so anyway. Then I remembered that we were supposed to meet here, but now he's not here either. So that must mean he's either totally blwing me off or...Oh my God! Jack: What? What's the matter? Andie: Jack, the house! He said he wanted to pick me up! What if he goes to the house?! Joey: Good. It's about time Pacey showed some etiquette. Jack: Andie, look. Don't worry about it, alright? It's okay. Andie: Are you crazy? If he shows up and she's...oh my God.... She runs out* Jack: Andie! Andie!! Cut to Jen's house at her kitchen table Jen: Okay. Alright. Vincent laughing Jen: My turn. My turn. Okay, uhhh most...most embarrasing sexual encounter. Vincent: Oh, no. Jen: Oh, come on. Vincent: Okay. I can tell you this because I'm a secure man. Jen: Mm-hm. Vincent: One night, in New Orleans, I got so drunk...couldn't see straight. I met this woman. She was beautiful. We went back to her place and, uh, you know, we started getting closer and closer to.. Jen: The moment? Vincent: The moment. And she tells me...she's a he. Jen: laughs Mmm. Vincent: Yes. I swear. 100% knockout beauty, crying game drag queen. Jen: So, what'd you do? Vincent: Well, nothing you know. I mean, he or she or whatever was actually really great about it. We stayed up all night drinking and laughing. Turned out to be a really nice guy. I heard his whole story. Abusive father and, um, so now, whenever I'm in New Orleans, I have a free couch. Now, your turn. Jen: Hmm, most embarressing sexual encounter. Well, um, I got caught doing it on my parents' bed. Vincent: Hmm. Jen: With an ex. Vincent: Yeah. Jen: Right on my dad's 300-thread count. Did not go over well. Vincent: Mm-hm. Jen: And plus, it completely spoiled the moment. Vincent: Bummer. Jen: Yeah. My dad can be kind of harsh sometimes. I guess me and your drag queen friend have got something in common. They kiss Vincent: I hope that's the only thing you two have in common. They start kissing again Cut back to Dawson's room. Abby: Oh my God! Dawson: Abby. Okay, Abby? One more time, you're in my room because..why? Abby gets up Abby: Cute room, Dawson. Dawson: I'm not asking again. Abby: Alright. But you can't tell anyone. Jen is on a date with this older guy, and quite frankly, I'm concerned. Dawson: So you're spying on her? Abby: Well of course. Dawson: Go away, Abby. Abby: Parents getting you down? I heard the screaming. Dawson: I think the dad heard. Abby: Well, don't stress. Just let them fight, and soon they'll wise up, get a divorce, and everything will get better. Dawson: A divorce is better? Abby: Yeah, it's certainly a home improvement. My dad has never been happier, my mom went out and got herself a life, and my allowance has quadrupled. You're so tense, Dawson. She gets back behind him* Mm, you smell good, Dawson. Dawson: No offense, Abby. But this isn't going to happen. Abby: Why? Joey doesn't have to know. Dawson: What?! Abby: Alright. Well, the, can we just kiss in front of the window so that Jen can see? Dawson: Abby. Abby: Alright, alright. Well, can you just tell Jen that we made out? Dawson: Jen would never buy it. Abby: Well, you can make it sound clever so she'd believe you. Just, um, tell her that you and Joey have decided to have an open relationship and that you and I have hooked up. Very legit. Abby leaves and Dawson thinks about what she said and he comes to a realization. Back downstairs. Dawson walks into the room where Tamara and Mitch are talking. Tamara: Very legit. Mitch: Well, I have to talk to my lender but.. Dawson: Hey dad. Can I talk to you for a second? Mitch: Yeah, sure. Excuse me. Mitch walks out of the room and Dawson shuts the doors Cut to Dawson walking into where Gail and Gary are talking. Gail: Yes, all the reporters prefer it. Dawson: Mom, can I talk to you for a second? It's very important. Gail: Uh, excuse me. Gary: Sure. Gail walks out of the room and Dawson shuts the doors. Mitch: What is this all about, Dawson? Gail: Yes, honey. We have guests. We're being rude. Dawson: Are you two having an open marriage? Cut back to Jen's house Jen: Um, okay. Alright. I think that we've taken it far enough. Vincent: What do you mean...far enough? Jen: Well I mean, don't you think? Vincent: Yeah, well, the blood's out of my head. Jen: Mm, you know? I think it's kind of getting late. Vincent: What happened? We were just getting to the good stuff. You're not serious. Jen: Look, I'm 16, okay? How's that going to look on your law school application? Vincent: You're what?! Grams: 16 years old. Vincent: Oh my God. Grams: Not even God will be able to save you if you don't get your hands off my granddaughter right this instant! Vincent: Okay. Cut to Andie's house. Andie walks in. Pacey: Hey, you're here. Andie: Hi. What are you doing here? Pacey: Listen, I'm sorry. I kind of got confused where I was supposed to pick you up. But don't worry. Your mom's being real cool about it. Andie: Okay, good. Let's just go. Pacey: Actually, I kind of told your mom that we'd stay for dinner. Andie: Okay, well, w-we'll just sneak out. They'll never miss us. Pacey: Um, don't you think we should tell her first? She said she'd be right down. Andie: Look, you have no right to be here, okay? You were not invited. My family is none of your business. And what's with my mother? What did you say to her? Pacey: Slow down a bit. What's the problem here? Andie: What did she say to you? Pacey: Nothing. Okay? She just invited me into this normal Rockweel painting, better known aw your home, and politely invited me to dinner. It seems like unlike her spoiled, rich society girl of a daughter, I'm actually worthy in her eyes of meeting the Country Club father and the Ivy League brother. Andie: Okay, look, let's just go them. Pacey: No. We're not leaving, okay? That's rude. Andie: Please, Pacey, please. Pacey: What? Are you so ashamed of me you don't even want me to meet your own brother? Andie: No. Just...not now, okay? Pacey: Andie? Andie! Andie: What? Pacey: What's the problem? Andie: Tim died. He's dad, okay! Cut back to the Icehouse* Joey: Look we have about 10 minutes before these lobsters take a back swim. I'm screwed. No, I'm dad. Jack: Okay. Joey: Uh... Jack is trying to fix it* Jack: Alright. Okay...there. I think I got it. The power goes out. Joey: Nice going, Einstein. Customer: Try unplugging the power source and then plugging it back in. Jack does it and it works. Joey: Thank you Mister. Jack: Okay, that's weird. Joey: Full moon, remember? Jack: Yeah right. Joey: I just wish he'd leave. I mean, how much coffee can a person consume? Jack: Joey, I don't think he's really here for coffee. Joey: Well, he didn't order any food. Jack: I think he just doesn't have any other place to go. Or, you know, maybe he doesn't have a family or, um, you know maybe he did, but they're gone now. We really don't know anything about him. Joey: Maybe he lost his wife or something. Jack: Or a child. Camera goes back to the table and the customer is gone Joey: That was weird! It's like he just.. Jack: Disappeared. Joey: Yeah....no tip. Jack holds back and picks up a napkin and under it there was a $100 bill. Jack: Joey! Joey: $100?! Oh my God! Jack, we're rich! Joey hugs Jack Oh my God. Jack: Hey, look at this. Look what else he left. Joey: reading By moonlight many years ago my true love did I know, and by that moon I begged her wait but that night did she go. So, young lovers, heed my words, don't squander love away. The moon is changinger ever still, soon comes the light of day. Joey starts to walk away when Jack grabs her by the arm and kisses her Cut back to the Leery kitchen Mitch: It's not what you think, Dawson. Dawson: What I'm thinking is that you two have completely lost your minds. When were you planning on telling me? When you had the revolving door installed? What were you thinking? Gail: Do you hear that, Mitch? Our son wants to know why we're having an open marriage. You know what, sweetheart? So would I. Talk to your father. Mitch: Look, it's complicated, alright? Your mother and I were attempting to heal some areas in our marriage. Dawson: And you think an open marriage was the answer? Mitch: Okay, I admit it was a mistake Dawson: It doesn't take a degree in psychobabble to figure that one out, Dad. Gail: My thoughts exactly. Mitch: Now, exactly where do you get off being angry? You did this, Gail, I didn't. We wouldn't be in this position if you hadn't put us here. Gail: I give up. I can't apoligize anymore. I've got a colleague in the other room. Dawson: Mom, stop! Stay here. You have to stay here, and you've got to fix this! Gail: No. I have to get back to work if I'm going to continue to support your father and his pipe dreams. Mitch: You have never supported me! Ever! Gail: I have been supporting you for years. Mitch: There's more than one way to support someone, Gail. You stand behind them, and you encourage them, and you believe in them. You don't turn your back on them and jump into somebody else's bed! Dawson: Dad! Gail: I'm sorry, Dawson. Dawson: Mom! Gail leaves. Dawson: yelling God, dad! You can't just let it go, can you? Look, she made a mistake alright? I know that, you know that, she knows that. She's been trying to get you to forgive her and you won't let her off the hook! You've got to...you've got to get beyond your own ego and just forgive her. Make the decision alright? Commit, forgive her, and then go in there and fix this family. Dad, you've got to fix this. Mitch: I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what to do, and I don't have any answers. I thought I did, but I don't. My dad...your granddad had answers, man. To every question. He taught me so much. He taught me how to shave...you know? He taught me...how to drive a car...save money...build a house, even. But, you know, he never...told me what to do if my wife cheated on me. crying I didn't know to ask. I didn't know...oh, god... Dawson gets up and puts his hand on his father's shoulder for whatever little comfort it holds. Cut to Jen on her porch steps. Grams comes out. Grams: I do not know what to do with you anymore, child. Jen: Please don't preach to me right now. Grams: Oh, there'll be no talk of God. I'll leave him out of it. This is between you and me. What I witnessed tonight is something I never want to see again. Jen: I had that situation under control, okay? You don't have to get upset at me. Grams: Oh! I am not upset, child. I am sick. I will NOT allow you to slide back into your reprehensible New York behavior. Not while you're under my care. You will not disrespect me. Jen: Wait a minute, that's not.. Grams: You wait a minute, Jennifer. This behavior will NOT be tolerated. You will treat me with respect and you will act like a lady. You will not degrade yourself. Not under my roof and not in my lifetime. Have you no respect for yourself? Cut to the Icehouse. Joey walks outside and finds Dawson and is suprised Joey: Dawson! What are you doing here? Dawson: I had to get out of that house. Hey Jack. Jack: Hey. Uh, Joey, why don't you, uh, why don't you take off? I'll finish up. Joey: Okay. Joey and Dawson walk away and Joey looks back at Jack Cut back to Andie's house. Andie and Pacey are talking Andie: Columbia had just beaten Cornell. It was homecoming almost exactly a year ago. Dad had had one too many tailgate martinis so Mom was driving. Jack and I were fighting for Tim's attention. We were always fighting for his attention. And, um....she didn't see the truck. Please don't say anything to anyone, Pacey, because I don't want my mom to become the town gossip. Pacey: I won't say a word. Is your mother getting any help? Andie: We've tried. She was in the hospital for a little while. Dad kind of bailed and, um, he checks in once a week. He lives in Providence with the business, which is going under, so he's hurting, too. So it's basically just me. I mean, Jack helps, you know, some. But he kind of lives in this fantasy world where if you don't think about it, then it just didn't happen. I mean, she's not always like this. I mean, sometimes she's fine. But you just never know, and I'm the only one who can handle her, and sometimes that just gets really hard. She starts crying Pacey: trying to hug her Come here. Come here. Andie pushes him away. Andie: No. Don't pity me, okay? Pacey: Andie, come here. Andie: No. Pacey: Come here. Pacey hugs Andie It's okay. It's okay. Cut back to Dawson's house. Joey and Dawson are climbing up the ladder. Dawson: You were so right about that moon. Joey: Yeah? Joey starts going through the window and Dawson stops her. Dawson: Hey, can we just sit outside for a couple minutes? Joey: Are you okay? You seem a little spooked. Dawson: I just, I don't want to go back in that house. It's like the house of despair. Joey: Dawson, um, I had a really weird night, too. Dawson: You know, let's just forget about everything. All I want to do for the rest of this godforsaken night is just stare at your face in the moonlight because that's the only thing that matters to me. They kiss Dawson: Hey, look up in the sky. What do you see? Joey looks up at the sky. Joey: The moon? Dawson: No, no. Look at...look at the moon. Close your eyes. Now what do you see? Joey doesn't say anything. Dawson: It's the man. Joey: Who? Dawson: The man, remember? Joey: Oh, right, right, right. The man in the moon. I get it. I get it. Oh, but wait! Dawson: What? Joey: It's not a man, Dawson. It's a...woman. They kiss Dawson? Dawson: What? Joey: Look I think she starts to tell him about Jack but sees the depressed look on his face and stops....you're right. It's a....it's a really beautiful moon. Cut to Mitch and Gail in the living room Mitch: Our guests have jumped ship. Gail: It's time, Mitch. Mitch: I know. So.. Gail: Do you want me to.. Mitch: Mm, I'll go. Cut to: "Hands" by Jewel playing in the background. Cut to Dawson and Joey on the roof staring up at the moon. Dawson starts crying and leans his head on Joey's shoulder. Joey pulls him close. Cut to Jack reading the note the customer left and then looking up at the moon. Cut to Pacey still hugging Andie. Cut to Mitch laying on his bed. Cut to Gail out on the porch in her chair, rocking back and forth. Cut to Jen on her porch steps. Cut back to Dawson and Joey. Joey pulls Dawson closer and looks up at the moon. Cut to a sht of the moon with fog moving over it covering it up*	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x05 - Full Moon Rising"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 206 "DANCE" Cast Dawson: James Van Der Beek Grams: Mary Beth Peil Joey: Kaite Holmes Bessie: Nina Repeta Pacey: Joshua Jackson Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Jen: Michelle Williams Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith Original Air Date: November 11, 1998 In this episode: School-spirited Andie somehow convinces her apathetic buddies to attend a Capeside High School dance, where each romantic entanglement is tested. Hoping the dance will help him forget about his parents' decision to separate, Dawson arrives in time to overhear Jack and Joey arguing about the kiss they shared a few days before. Meanwhile, Pacey maintains to Andie that he's not a dancer, but is later caught swaying in the arms of a beautiful upperclassmen. Homecoming Dance Dawson's room: Andie is dancing and watching "Footloose" on Dawson's TV while Pacey, Dawson, and Joey sit on the bed and watch her dance and laugh. Andie: Oh my God! I love "Footloose"! Don't you guys love to dance? I am so excited about the homecoming dance next weekend. Pacey: The homecoming dance? Andie nods Pacey: Oh my God, we're hanging out with Marcia Brady. Andie: I don't understand. What's wrong with the school dance? Dawson: I think what Pacey's actually saying is that we're not exactly the school dance type. Joey: We'd rather watch a movie about a high school dance than actually set foot in an over-decorated gym. Pacey: Actually, this enditement of high school conventions isn't limited to dances. It covers the whole spectrum of school-sponsored events. Case-in-point: Joey, how many high school football games have you been to? Joey: None. Pacey: Mm-hm. And Dawson? How many pep rallies have you loyally attended? Dawson: Zero. Pacey: Mm-hm. Andie: Uh! You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of memories are you going to have if all you did in high school is bitch and moan about it? Joey: Bitching memories. Dawson: Moaning memories. Joey looks over and smiles at Dawson. Andie: You guys are completely sabotaging your high school experience. Pacey: Guilty as charged. Now, Dawson, if you don't mind, could you turn the video back on? 'Cause I really want to see who's responsible for Kevin Bacon's rougueish, devil-maker, hair do(?). He smiles at Andie as the tape comes back on. Andie walks over and stands in front of the TV Andie: You mean you would rather watch a movie about something than doing it yourselves? Dawson and Joey: Correct. Andie walks over and sits on the windowseat Andie: Okay, what about sex? Dawson, Pacey, and Joey look over. Andie: I mean, you guys are missing a major opportunity here. Why do you think the (?) were so adament about outlawing dancing? They believed it to be sinful. Dawson: Are you saying dancing equals sex? Andie: No. But dancing could possibly be really great foreplay. Joey looks at Dawson Pacey: I love the way you think. Andie: So...who's going with me on Saturday? Joey looks at Dawson again and scratches her head. Pacey makes a face like 'Whoa' Cut to Bessie and Joey pulling up to Capeside High. Joey's getting out but she stops Bessie: Okay. We're here. You gonna get out? Joey: I was thinking.. Bessie rolls her eyes Bessie: What is it this morning? General teen angst or something specific? Joey: If I tell you something will you respond with nothing but sisterly advice and/or concern? Bessie: Of course. Joey: Okay...Jack kissed me. Bessie starts laughing Bessie: Oh my God! laughing Joey: Look I don't think cackling qualifies as concern or advice. Bessie: I'm sorry Joey, but Jack? Choreboy down at the Icehouse? Joey: Yes. Bessie: He kissed you? Joey: It was nothing, really. It happened and then it was over. Bessie: So what's the problem then? Joey: Dawson? Bessie: Oh...you didn't tell him, did you? Joey: No. I mean, here's the thing. I mean, this is a classic example of what I would tell Dawson, the friend, but since Dawson, the friend, has become Dawson, the boyfriend, the concept of newsworthy events has become a little blurry. Bessie: Okay, look. Here's the way I see it. Jack kissed you, right? It was a 1 way kiss, right? Joey: Yeah. Bessie: Surprise whenever(?), completely uninvited, all-in-all no big deal. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't bat yourself up over it. If you want my advice, just put it behind you, concentrate on Dawson, pretend it didn't happen. Joey: What didn't happen? Bessie: Exactly. Joey: Thanks, Bess. See ya! Bessie: Okay She drives off* Cut to Abby and Jen Abby: No way those are real. Jen: What? You think those are man-made? Abby: Yes! Jen, please! Physical enhancement caters not only to size. It can improve shape, direction, perk factor..that girls had some work done. Jen: Yeah, well, Brett sure doesn't seem to mind. Abby: Oh, please. Brett Tompkins is just a dim bulb with good hair and tight pants. A classic him-bo. In other words, perfect. Jen: If that's your type. Abby: Aw, what's the matter, Jen? Brett's too much man not enough touchy-feely film amateur(?). Full market down(?). Come Saturday night, Brett and Kristy will be history. Saturday, Brett will be mine. Jen: Abby, that's pathetic. You're going to the homecoming dance to ht on somebody else's boyfriend? Abby: Well, my guidance counselor told me to set goals for myself. Jen: You're on your own. Abby: Fine. Suit yourself. Stay at home and read Scripture with Grandma. Brett and I will drop you a line from Vegas. Cut to Brett and Kristy.* Brett: Don't pull me away like I'm some stupid dog on a leash! Kristy: Well, how about acknowledging me when you see me outside, huh! Dawson walks by listening to them heading towards Joey at her locker. Dawson: Promise me we will never air a relationship crisis about anything like that. I can't think of anything more embarressing and immature. Joey: Deal. Dawson: Okay. They kiss Dawson: Now, remind me again how Andie McPhee convinced us to go to this homecoming dance. Joey: I think by promising us that dancing always ends in taudry smud-action(?). Dawson: Oh. Could that possibly be our first mention of sex since we've been together? Joey: Possibly. Dawson: Why is that? When we were friends we talked about sex all the time. Joey: I think because we wanted to ease into the subject to make the transition from friend to lover..unconfusing. Dawson: Ah, if we are confused about the transition from friend to lover, I can only think of one thing that would truly cinch it. Joey: What do you suggest? Dawson: That you put on your dancing shoes. Joey smiles Jen and Abby walk by Jen: Hey guys. Dawson: Hey Jen. Abby: Wipe the drool, Dawson. Joey: I don't like the two of them being so chummy. I mean, Abby is not a good influence for Jen. Dawson: laughing Is this genuine concern I'm hearing for Jen Lindley? Joey: Well, I feel sorry for her, I mean, her grandpa just died. Maybe we should invite her to the dance. I mean, we're going as a group. Might be fun for her. Dawson: Joey Potter, I applaude you. You earn major humanity points for this. Joey smiles and shrugs Dawson: But, um, don't you think it may make her feel worse than she already does? Joey: I don't know. All I know is that it's really hard to lose a family member, Dawson, and I just think it might be fun for her. It's up to you. Your call. Dawson: I'll see you later. Joey: Okay. They kiss Joey sees Jack enter the building and stares and then turns and walks away. Cut to Andie and Pacey outside Pacey: So since I'm in charge of transportation Saturday, would you like me to pick you up at your house or meet somewhere. Andie: Let's meet somewhere. Pacey: Cool. How's your mother doing anyway? Andie: She's having a good week. Pacey: Listen, Andie, if there's ever anything I can do, you can just ask me, right? Andie: So Witter. I hope you have your dancing moves polished and ready 'cause I plan on making a dancing fool outta you. Pacey: Sorry, McPhee, no can do, I don't dance. Andie: What do you mean you don't dance? Pacey: I mean, I don't like it and I'm really not any good at it. I mean, it's bad enough that I'm just going on Saturday but don't expect me to get out there and start bustin' a move 'cause it's just not going to happen. Andie: You don't dance. You are beyond immature. Pacey: You're overbearing. Andie: Boring. Pacey: Hyper-sensitive. Andie: Vulgar. Pacey: Pick you up at 7? Andie: Great. Pacey: Okay. Dawson walks up Dawson: Are you two having a spat? Pacey: No, just our usual passive-aggressive banter. Dawson: Okay. Andie: No, actually we were talking about the dance, and, hey, if you guys don't mind, I'd really like to invite my brother Jack to come along. You know, he's kind of a loner and I think it would be good for him. Dawson: Actually, why don't we also invite Jen Lindley? Andie: Jack and Jen? A set-up. Dawson: I mean, I'm not sure they're a perfect match but they're both single. Andie: I like it. Pacey: No, guys. This is a bad idea. Dawson: You never know. It could work! Andie: Let's do it. Pacey: No, don't, come on. Whenever you fix up two people who don't even know each other, it's a recipe for disaster. This can only end badly. I promise you. Please. Andie: I'll set it up. Dawson: Great. Andie: Buh-bye. Pacey: Am I invisible? Cut to Dawson's house. Dawson's parents are on the porch. Dawson walks in. Dawson: Hi. Mitch: Dawson, have a seat. Dawson: Okay. What's going on? Mitch: Well, I know things got a little out of hand the other night, and, well, I'm not sure what the segway is here, but your mother and I, after much talk, after much consideration, have decided-- Gail: Um, honey, sometimes you focus so hard on the solution that when you step away and you pull back, only then does the solution truly appear. Mitch: Yes. Right. And as improbable as this approach might seem, sometimes it's the only one left and, um, and in this case, it's the only one left. Gail: What we're trying to say is that...is that Mitch: Your mother and I have decided to spend some time apart. Dawson: Well, it looks like you two have given this quite a bit of careful thought. Gail: Yes, we have. Dawson: And the suggestion from me for you to go back to counseling wouldn't make any difference. Mitch: We've tried it. Dawson: So my suggestion that you make a more concerted effort at trying to find a solution. Maybe improve communication, possibly, family outings, truth syrum. Mitch: Dawson, your opinion is important to us and we love you. But we're not open to suggestions on this one. This is a conclusion. A conclusion that we've reached. Dawson: Yeah, well I conclude that your conclusion sucks. Dawson walks off Cut to Jack and Andie Jack: Why didn't you just let Pacey pick us up at the house? Andie: You know why, Jack. Jack: Did you strap Mom in for the evening? Andie: It's not funny. Jack: She's not getting any better, you know? Andie: You know, Jack, I want a night off. Just one night off. One attempt at fun. Can we do that please? Jack: Well, maybe I shouldn't be around, I'll just bring you down, Andie. I hate dances. I don't do good at these things. Andie: Don't be silly. It will be fun, okay? Besides, it's time we got you out and you met some of Capeside's cuties. And who knows? You might meet the woman of your dreams tonight. Jack: Maybe. Maybe I already have. Andie: Oh good, here's Pacey. Pacey pulls up in his cop car Jack: Quite a car. Andie: It's his dad's. They have a complex relationship. Cut to Mitch loading suitcases into the jeep Mitch: Look, I should get going. Gail, this is just a trial, okay? Only temporary. Gail: Absolutely. Only temporary. Um, look, are there rules? Can we talk to each other? Mitch: Of course we can talk to each other! You can call me whenever you need to. Gail: Go. Mitch: Bye Gail. He leaves and Gail starts crying Cut to Dawson coming down the stairs into the kitchen where his mom is cutting onions. Dawson: Mom, are you alright? Gail: with hints in her voice that she's been crying Uh, yeah, Dawson, I'm fine. It's just the onions. Dawson: Mom, I don't have to go to this dance. I'll stay home if you want me to. Gail: No, honey, everything's fine. I'm fine. Dawson: Can you turn around and tell me that? Gail: Why don't you go pick up Joey, honey? So you're not late for the dance. Go on. Dawson: Okay. He leaves Cut to the school. Andie: The light was clearly red, Pacey. Pacey: Oh no, it was turning red. I agree with you, red means stop. But if a light's turning red it's like an invitation to ht the gas. Andie: What? Dawson, Joey, hey! Dawson, you know my brother, Jack. Dawson: Yeah, we've met, unofficially. Andie: And Joey? Joey nods and smiles, obviously awkward* Pacey: So... Dawson: Jen, hey! Jen walks up Jen: Dawson...everybody. Andie: Jen, this is Jack, my brother. Jen: Hi Jack, Andie's brother. Jack: Um, it's just Jack. Andie: So shall we? Joey: to Dawson Let's go. Dawson: Ready? Joey: Yeah. Cut to people dancing. timelapse. more dancing. Joey and Dawson are dancing and Dawson dips Joey and they smile and laugh. Jack and Andie are dancing and Andie waves Pacey to come dance and he shakes his head no. Cut to Abby walking towards Jen. Abby: So. You decided to slum it after all. Jen: Hey Abby. Abby: I have to tell you, I love your dress. In fact, I have the same one...in a smaller size. Cut to Joey and Dawson dancing. Joey bumps into Jack Joey: Sorry. Jack: My fault. slow song comes on Dawson: Ah, more my speed. Cut to Andie getting Jen Andie: Jen, I have an idea. Why don't you dance with my brother Jack? Jen: Hi Brother Jack. Jack: It's actually just plain Jack...plain Jack. Jen: Oh, well let me ask you something just plain Jack. Do you get the feeling we're being set up here? Jack looks over and Andie and Pacey. Andie waves enthusiastically. Jack: Yeah. What makes you say that? Cut to Pacey and Andie Andie: Yeah, she's cute. Pacey: She's cute...he's cute..they've never met before, they're completely opposites and it's going to get ugly in about 20 minutes. Andie: Nu-uh. Pacey: Uh-huh. Cut back to Dawson and Joey dancing Dawson: So my dad drove off leaving my mom crying over the kitchen sink. God, what I wouldn't give now for them to go back to their coffee table sex antics. Joey: I'm sorry, Dawson. Dawson: You know, I'm just going to let them work out their adolescent traumas on their own. Steer clear, but there is a bright side. Joey: What's that? Dawson: The coffee table's now available. Cut to Jack and Jen dancing. Dawson is watching while he dances Dawson: Well, well, well. I dare say they like each other. Joey: Jack and Jen? Dawson: Mm-hm. Andie and I played matchmaker tonight. Joey: Why would you do that Dawson? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard of. Dawson: They both need to meet new people. They're both single. Joey: Yeah, but Jack is this nice, sweet guy and Jen is this baracuda. It would never work. Dawson: Why are you getting so worked up about this? Joey: I'm not worked up, I just have an opinion that's all. Dawson: Well, alert the media. They kiss Cut to Pacey and Andie Andie: Come on, Pacey, what do you say? Wanna dance? Pacey: I told you McPhee. I don't dance. Andie: I don't believe you. I think you're holding out on me in some power move to keep control in this relationship. Pacey: What relationship? Andie: Ha ha. Come on, please, just a slow dance. Pacey: I told you, McPhee. I don't dance. This includes dances of all speeds, all types, and all cultures, including, but not limited to, fast dances, slow dances, and whatever Patrick Swayze was doing in Dirty Dancing. Andie: You know, Pacey, you can be so stubborn sometimes. Fine. If you don't want to dance with me, I'll just find someone who will. Pacey: Don't hurt the poor guy, would ya? Pacey watches Kristy Livingstone dance with Brett. Cut to a slow song. Andie walks up to Jack and Jen. Andie: Okay, time to switch partners. Jen: Actually, um, I think I'm going to go outside and get some air, but thanks for the dance, Jack. Jack: Sure anytime Jen. Andie: she takes Jack over to Dawson and Joey Okay, Dawson, guess it's just you and me because I do not intend to spend the entire evening dancing with my brother, so Jack, sweep your boss off her feet. Andie and Dawson start dancing and Joey just stands there. It's awkward Jack: So..uh..it's..he puts his hands on her waist and she still just stands there Jack: Look, Joey, I know you've been avoiding me. Joey: I haven't been avoiding you Jack! Jack: No, it's, I want you to know I take full responsibility. Joey: Full responsibility? Jack: For kissing you. I crossed the line. Joey: Yeah, you did, Jack. Because I have a boyfriend and you know that. And now because of kissing you, I feel guilty over nothing. In fact, I don't even think we should be having this conversation. She walks off and Dawson watches her and Jack follows Cut to the hall. Joey is leaning against a wall. Jack comes out Joey: Did I mention that you weren't supposed to follow me? Jack: I just want to apoligize. Joey: Okay, you apoligized. Noted. Jack: Wait, what are you so angry about? Joey: Why am I so angry? Because you didn't respect me or my relationship.What you did was so rude and inappropriate. Jack: No, no, I think there's something else going on here. Joey: What? Jack: It's all this anger you're expressing. It doesn't make any sense. It doesn't add up. Joey: What are you talking about? Jack: I don't think you're angry at me for kissing you. I think you're angry at yourself for kissing me back. Jack turns to walk away and Dawson is standing there with an angered expression. Joey notices and her face falls. She runs to the bathroom Cut to the dance room. Abby is dancing with Brett Abby: You know what I admire most about you, Brett? That you work each of your muscle groups equally. Cut to Jen and Andie Jen: Um, I wanted to thank you for inviting me tonight. I actually had a surprisingly good time. Andie: Why are you talking in past tense I mean the party's still going. Jen: I think it's about over for me. If you don't mind, I think I'm going to head home. Andie: Mind? Of course, I mind. We were just in the middle of a very interesting conversation sharing and getting to know each other and now you want to leave, just like that? Jack walks up Jack: I think I'm going to take off. Andie: Perfect! You can walk Jen home. Jack: Yeah. You wanna go? Dawson comes up. Dawson: Jack, what the hell happened? Jack: Look you really need to talk to Joey about this. Dawson: Yeah, I'm asking you. Jack: Look, it was a weird night. The moon was full. It just happened. Dawson: You kissed my girlfriend. Jack: Yeah, I did. I'm not going to apoligize for it, man, cause truth is, I'd do it again so let's just not make this into a high school romp alright? 'Cause neither of us are the type. Dawson slugs Jack Andie: Oh my God! Jen: Dawson, what are you doing?! Dawson walks off Abby: Nice punch, champ. I never knew he had so much testosterone. Cut to Pacey walking out of the men's restroom and he sees Kristy standing in the hallway. Pacey: Uh...hey Kristy! What are you doing out here all by yourself? Kristy: Thinking, you know. Pacey: About what? Kristy: The usual. Why my boyfriend will flirt with anything in a short skirt and why his self esteem won't stop him. Pacey: Well, if you need a boost you came to the right place. I know about 800 guys who would line up to replace Brett if he exited the picture. And that's just in this school. If you added the neighboring school districts we could probably triple that number. Kristy: Right.. Pacey: Are you joking? Look, I may not hang out with the beautiful people of Capeside but I like to think that I have the finger on a pulse of the common man and, believe me, that pulse quickens considerably when you walk by. Kristy: You're embarressing me, Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. I just, I thought you should know. Well, have a good night Kristy. Kristy: Pacey? Pacey: Yeah? Kristy: Are you one of them? Pacey: Excuse me? Kristy: I was just wondering if you were one of those quick pulses. Pacey: Yeah. Of course I am. I think you're incredible Kristy. You already know that. Kristy: You know, as lame as school dances can be, there's always that one moment that seems to make it worth while. So, what do you say Pacey? Will you dance with me? Pacey: Yeah. They start dancing. Cut to Mitch in his hotel room staring at the phone. Gail in the Leery house sitting there. The phone rings Gail: Hello? Hello? Mitch: Would you believe that I now have access to the Home Shopping Network 24 hours a day? Gail: laughs Hi. Mitch: How are ya? Gail: We have a big house. I never realized just how big our house was until tonight. I, um, I can still call it our house, can't I? Mitch: Yes. It is our house. Gail: I don't know, Mitch. I don't know if I can do this. Mitch: Yes you can because you have to Gail: But why? Why do I have to? Mitch: Because no matter how big our house is, right now it's far too small for the two of us. Gail: Well, just remember, Mitch. The door to this house is always open. Mitch: I will. Have a good night, Gail. Gail: Bye. They hung up. Cut to Andie, Jack, and Jen Andie: Are you guys going to get home okay? Jack: Yeah, we'll be fine. Nice work on the punch. Andie: Yeah, I see. Well, you better get out of here in case he wants a rematch. They start to walk off Jack: Hey, um, I'm sorry. Andie: to Jen You take care of him, okay? Jen: 'Kay. Bye. Andie sees Pacey dancing with Kristy and she runs off as Pacey sees her Cut to Dawson exiting the school and Joey sits on the steps and follows him Joey: Dawson...Dawson! Where are you going? Dawson: Home. Joey: No, look, I want to talk about this. Dawson: First you run away and now you want to talk. Joey: No, about the kiss. Dawson: I know all about the kiss. Joey: No you don't! Dawson: Joey, you kissed somebody else! What is there to know? Joey: It wasn't like th-- he kissed me and I just didn't... Dawson: Stop him. Joey: Look, Dawson, I'm sorry, okay? It was a mistake. A poor error in judgement and that's it. And for you to blow this into some earth shattering scene of cinematic proportions-- Dawson: Now, wait a minute! You're not going to do that to me. Joey: Do what? Dawson: Use who I am against me to divert from the fact you screwed up. Joey: I said I was sorry what else do you want me to say? Dawson: There's nothing you can say, Joey! There's no justifiable reason for a girl who spent the last 15 years of her life pretending that I was the only thing she wanted ended up kissing some other guy and lying about it. Joey: I didn't lie to you Dawson. That kiss was not my doing. Dawson: Not your doing? Joey: Yeah! Dawson: What did you physically leave your body the moment your lips touched his? Joey: Don't do this. Don't punish me just to make yourself feel better. Dawson: So I'm the bad guy. Joey: Yeah, I guess you are. Dawson: You cheat on me and I'm the bad guy! Joey: Yes! Don't you get it? This isn't about some stupid kiss, Dawson! Dawson: It's about us. Joey: No! It's about me! For once, it's about me, Dawson, and that's what I've been trying to tell you! Dawson notices a group has gathered to listen to them bicker and he walks off leaving Joey Cut to Jen and Jack and Jen's house Jen: Well, this is my stop. Jack: Alright, um.. Jen: Oh my goodness, it's really starting to swell. Jack: Yeah, um, I made a scene when I should of just left things alone. Jen: You really like her, don't ya? Jack: What makes you say that? Jen: Well, I can't think of a guy who'd take a punch like that over a girl he doesn't even like. Jack: Well, maybe I have no chance, but I've always been sort of a sucker for lost causes so.. Jen: You're a romantic. There's nothing wrong with that. Jack: Romantic? That's like a nice word for loser. Jen laughs Jen: Ice...you should really get some ice on that. And I should.. Jack: Really go inside. Jen: Hey, you know, Jack, um, I had a really good time tonight and I think I've got you to thank for that. Jack: Why? I didn't do anything. Jen: No but when you were with me, you did a really good job of pretending you didn't want to be with somebody else. 'Night. Jack: Goodnight Jen. Jen: Jack? Jack: Yeah? Jen: Keep fighting for your lost causes. You never know when your luck might change. Cut to Mitch Leery pulling up in his car and looking through the window at Gail. He drives away. Cut to Andie on the dock. Pacey walks up Andie: I thought you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: You know, I've been looking for you. I've been looking everywhere for ya. Andie: You said you didn't dance, Pacey. Pacey: What? Did you see me out there? You can hardly call that dancing. Andie: You're right. I call it foreplay. But then again, we don't owe any explanations to each other, do we? We're just sparring partners right? We don't mean any more to each other than that. Pacey: That's not true. You know that's not true, Andie. I mean, I was having a wonderful time with you tonight. I was. It's just when I ran into Kristy, I just...I got swept up in the moment. Andie: Well, it's too bad I'm not the kind of girl who can sweep you away. Pacey: Come on, Andie, come on. You know that's not what I meant. It's just Kristy..she's like a fantasy. Don't tell me you've never wanted to act out a fantasy. Even if just for a moment. Andie: Yeah I was trying to act out a fantasy all night. Pacey: Why do you like me? Andie: What? Pacey: Why do you like me? I'm a screw up, Andie. I'm thoughtless. I'm insecure. And for the life of me, I can not understand why I woman like you would bother to care about me. Andie: God, I don't know, Pacey, because you're funny and you're kind and you don't judge people. You make me feel good about myself. I mean, you didn't run screaming from the house the other day when you met my crazy ol' mother. And you're smart. I mean, I don't know where you get this whole loser complex because you are so smart. And you spar better with me than anyone. And you're sharp, and you're witty, and you're brilliant. And this is more than you deserve right now. Pacey: I know, I know. Andie, I know. I'm really, truly sorry. I am. I'm sorrier than I've been in a long time. The moment that I spent with Kristy, the moment that's going to make the whole night worth while, I was with the wrong person. I want to spend that moment with you. Andie: Well, we're certainly having one now, aren't we? Pacey: Would you please dance with me Miss McPhee? Andie: I'd love to. They start dancing Pacey: Sharp, witty, and brilliant, huh? Anything you care to add to that? Andie: If you think I find this charming, Pacey, you're majorly deluded. Pacey: Of course not, how could you? I'm a witless boar. Andie: Oafish clod. Pacey: Major cat. Kiss me? Andie: Thought you'd never ask. They kiss Cut to Dawson's room. He enters and Joey's sitting there and she's obviously been crying Dawson: Joey.. Joey: Dawson, I am so sorry. Dawson: What happened Joey? Joey: I told you, Jack kissed me and-- Dawson: No, not Jack. This is not about Jack. About us. What is going on between us? Joey: I don't know, Dawson. Dawson: Ever since we got together I feel like you've been pulling away from me. I thought this was what you wanted, you know? I thought I was what you wanted. Joey: You are. Dawson: Am I? Joey: You're what I'm going to want, Dawson. Dawson: What does that mean? Joey: For so long, all I've thought about was you. All I dreamed about was you. Dawson: What happened? Joey: I got my dream and now I feel like I don't have anything else. I mean, you have your future so perfectly planned, Dawson, you know exactly what you want to do, what you want to accomplish, and I don't even know who I am, let alone who I want to be or accomplish and I need to figure that out. I need to find my something. Dawson: So go find it. Joey: It can't include you, Dawson. It has to be my doing, and mine alone. You make me so happy, you know? But I have to make myself happy first. That's probably the one thing in this whole world that you can't do for me. Dawson: So what are you saying? Joey gets up and heads towards the window. Dawson gets up confused Dawson: Joey? Joey, no, Joey! I..I love you. Joey turns around. She walks back towards him Joey: I love you, too, Dawson. They start to lean in to kiss but Joey stops herself and turns back towards the window Dawson: Wait, b-b-but how can it be over? We can't just say I love you for the first time and have it be over! Joey: I have to go, Dawson. Goodnight. Joey climbs out the window and leans up against the house with her eyes closed. Dawson is mad and he flings stuff in his room and then he climbs out the window and watches Joey run away towards her house. He kicks the ladder down in anger. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x06 - The Dance"}	foreverdreaming
EPISODE 207 "ALL NIGHTER" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ORIGINAL AIRDATE: November 18, 1998 In this episode: A panic-inducing English Lit mid-term compels Dawson, Joey, Pacey, Andie, Jen and Chris Wolfe to mount a desperate, last-ditch study effort - the rite-of-passage all-nighter. At Chris' house, the group members settle in to study, procrastinate and come to terms with their individual dramas. Dawson puts Joey through the paces, creating a post-break-up hell in which he gives her the silent treatment, insults her and says a lot that he doesn't mean. Andie finds out about Pacey's affair with Tamara during a Cosmo magazine purity test, and Jen gives in to temptation courtesy of lady-kller Chris. Dawson's room - a movie is on the television. Dawson is watching it.* Dawson: There's not a single dramatic storyline in existence that Shakespeare didn't conquer first. Family revenge, political intrigue, the great gender battle. The guy mapped it all out for us, and what was his parting lesson? What genre of all genres did he finally arrive at after years of toil and sacrifice? Tragedy. Gail: offscreen Shh. Dawson: Like all great romantics, he finally realized that life was a lot more likely to end up with a bunch of dad Danish people on stage than with a kiss. Gail: What a sad movie. Dawson: Mom, you cried at the commertials. Gail: Only that cotton commercial. Dawson: We've got to do something about your perpetual state of melancholy. I'm...concerned about you. Gail: Well, honey, I'm concerned about you. Ever since your breakup with Joey, you haven't said one word about it. Dawson...you haven't even wallowed. Dawson: What good is wallowing? All the wallowing in the world doesn't bring somebody back. Gail: Wallowing isn't about getting them back. It isn't about them at all, it's about you, and learning to allow yourself the few meager advantages of being the dumpee. Dawson: Advantages? Gail: Sure, like allowing yourself to stuff your face with a lifetime supplu of red licorice and doughnuts, or a newfound appreciation for country music. Dawson: Like an excuse to watch the last scene from Field of Dreams? Gail: Acquiring the necessary pain to write bad, bitter poetry. Dawson: A reason to scowl. Gail: A reason to bitch! Dawson: Work out aggression! Gail: Yes! You see, when you think about it, honey, every inch of pain that youches you makes you a deeper, more real individual. Whether you're 16 or...slightly older. Dawson: So it doesn't get any easier? Gail: Nope. You just go to bed earlier. She gets up off the bed and walks towards the door* Gail: Night, honey. Dawson: 'Night mom. She turns around Gail: I hope I was an acceptable substitute for movie night. Dawson: You were great. Gail leaves and Dawson pops in a new movie and lays back on his bed. He looks over at the empty window, then back to the TV. He pulls out a piece of licorice and eats it. Teacher: "What light through yonder window breaks?" It is the midterm, and your impending failure is but hours away. passing out books Blue books. You're notice they're blank, and for many of you, they'll score higher as such than when actually written in. Dawson leans over and so does Joey and Dawson gives Joey an angry look.. Teacher: (cont.) Please sign your real name. As to the test, it will cover everything we have studied in English Literature thus far and will be worth 50% of this term's grade. Main points of interest...Shakespeare, Dickens, the romantics, and your favorite, the read everybody's talking about, Beowulf. A kid in the back, Chris, throws a wad of paper towards Jen. She opens in and it reads, "Don't forget to smile." Teacher: (cont.) I will be hosting a study session in this classroom at 3:00. It is my recommendation you attend. Unless, of course, your parents have dedicated at least a wing or two to an Ivy League institution in which case your tragic, East Coast aristocratic, social alcoholic fate has already been sealed. This is more than just an exam, people. It's your life. The bell rings and everybody rushes out of the classroom. Joey follows Dawson. Joey: Hey. Dawson keeps walking Joey: Dawson, at some point we have to say something to each other. Dawson: What would you like me to say, Joey? They're at his locker Joey: What do you want to say? Dawson: Go away. Joey: Besides that! Dawson: Joey, you made it very clear you needed space, okay? I am giving you that space. Joey: I didn't think it would mean we'd be cutting off all communication, Dawson. Dawson: What did you think it would mean? Joey: This isn't fair. Dawson: To which one of us? You can't make up all the rules! Joey: I don't want to! Dawson: Then what do you want? Cut to the cafeteria Pacey: One day this cafeteria is destined to cook a fry THAT ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE A FRY! Andie: Menage a trois. Ever been in one? Pacey: All hail, the queen of non-sequiturs has spoken. Andie: It's not a non-sequitur. It's this month's Jane. Pacey: Chick magazines are racier than Playboy. There's always some article in there about how to prolong your 'this' or around your 'that'. Andie: This one's a purity test. Pacey: What? Andie: A purity test. You've heard of them. An assortment of sexual questions that when totaled are meant to gauge your level of sexual experience. Pacey: nervously Okey-dokey. Time to put that away now. Andie: Why? It's fun! Pacey: Gauging our level of sexual expertise is not really my idea of joy abounding. Andie: Don't think I don't know where this is going, Pacey Witter. I know your history. Pacey: surprised You do? Andie: Sure. You're a typical guy. You want everyone to think you have unseemly, adventurous sexual existence when in fact your purity level is probably closer to Big Bird's than Bill Clinton's. Pacey: Yeah, you know what? You got me. That's me...Mr. Embarrassingly Pure. They exit into the hallway Andie: Whatever. So am I going to see you at Peterson's Cram-o-Rama? Pacey: That would imply that I am going. Andie: No, no, Pacey, you CAN NOT bail on this study session. It's way too important. Pacey: To you. Andie: No, no, no. To anyone who cares about their grade. Pacey: Well, see, there's the rub. Yo soy not concerned. Andie: Don't joke about this. Pacey: I'm serious. As committed as you are to doing everything in your power to get an A, I'm equally committed to getting my C, possibly D if I can't get a good look at your answer sheet. Andie: Pacey! Pacey: Give me one good reason why I should go. Andie: Me! Pacey: Okay...fine. I'll go. Just don't expect me to stay awake. Cut to the track. Chris walks up to Jen. Chris: Jen-a-lish Delish. Jen: Hey Chris, what's up? Chris: Long run today. Thought you'd be looking for someone to keep stride with. Jen: And you'd like to be that someone? Chris: I'm a good pacer. I know when to speed up and when to slow down. Jen: And when to leave someone alone? Chris: Jen, is there a particular reason why you're not receptive to my wily charms? Jen: Other than the fact that you emit them regularly to any skirt within a 6-mile radius? Chris: Actually, I have a car so it's more like the tri-state area. Jen smiles Chris: Ah-ha! A smile. Mission accomplished. Jen: Later, Chris. He walks away. Dawson walks up Dawson: And the hawk circles. Jen: He's just being cute, which he really is. Dawson: You seen his love 'em and leave 'em rap sheet? It's epic. Jen: Relax, Dawson. Dawson: Just looking out...so, you hitting the study session? Jen: Oh, doubt it. Not much into the "Applying Myself" zone these days. How about you? Dawson: Well, it's either that or another evening watching some awful, seventies tearjerker with my mother. You should go. Jen: I'll tell you what, Dawson. Since it doesn't look like I'll be having a hot night of unbridled passion with Romeo over there, Cut to Chris talking to another girl I'll consider it. Dawson: Okay. Cut to Andie reading a note on a classroom door Andie: Dear Class, I want home with a cold that was considerably more important that you. The test is still on for tomorrow. Study the sample questions. Until then, hardly yours, Mr. Peterson. Pacey: So he bailed on his own study session. Joey: Great. Chris: to Jen We should have our own study session. My folks are in Saint Martin. We'll have the whole house to ourselves. Jen: Like we'd get a lot of work done that way. Chris: The lady questions my motives? Invite your friends. to Pacey and Andie You two interested? Let's study at my place. Andie: I was thinking more along the lines of the city library. Pacey stops Andie Pacey: Whoa! His offer does have certain enticing qualities. Andie: Since when have you been in such a rush to form a study group? Pacey: Have you ever seen this man's house?! His family is totally loaded. They got a satellite dish. Andie shakes her head no Pacey: Oh, come on! Andie: giving in Alright, we're in. Chris: Cool. I'll drive. to Jen Young lady, will you be join us? Jen: How can I resist? Cut to Andie catching up with Joey Andie: Hey, Joey. So what are your study plans? Joey: Oh, just me, my English lit book, and a loud, crying baby. Andie: Good. Then you can come with me. Joey: Where? Andie: A study session at Chris Wolfe's. I can't do this alone. Joey: Chris Wolfe's? You're going to rely on Chris Wolfe to provide a suitable study environment? I think I'm better off with the loud, crying baby. Andie: Okay, do you honestly believe I would let this night be anything less than ridiculously beneficial? Trust me. I'm in mega-control of this event. Cut to Pacey and Dawson Pacey: Hey Dawson! Where you headed little buddy? Dawson: Well, Skipper, I saw Peterson's note. I'm headed home. Pacey: I'm actually headed to a different study session, if you're up for it. Dawson: "Different study session"? Is this Pacey Witter code for party? Brothel? Road trip to Disneyland? Pacey: Believe it or not, this is a true meeting of intellectuals in a highly moderated studious environment and that, my friend, is our ride. So what do you say? Dawson: Sure.. Dawson opens the door to the car and sees Joey and is a little perturbed. He gets in Cut to the gng going into Chris' huge house.* Chris: Uh, the TV is that way. points The Jacuzzi and sauna are out back. We keep extra suits in the guest room, and the kitchen's that way points if you get hungry. Joey: to Andie Sounds like we're going to get a lot of studying done. Andie: Reminder, I'm in complete control here. Dina: AHEM! The attention turns to a girl reading a magazine in the other room. She's about 12, maybe? Chris: Everyone, my little sister, Dina.She promises to stay out of the way. Andie: Nope. This room isn't going to do. We're going to need a long table, proper lighting, and high-backed chairs. Where's Pacey? She finds Pacey in the other room with the TV flipping through channels Pacey: Hey, check this out. 200 channels from all over the world. It's a couch potato's dream. Look at that! 3 Stooges in Cantonese. Andie: Why do you insist on undermining me at every opportunity you get? Pacey: Think of how boring the alternative is. Andie: Look, I'm going to need your help with our attention deficit host, okay? There's no way I can expend energy rounding up the both of you. Now, come on! Pacey: whining But I wanna watch TV... Cut to the room. The group is around a table and Andie is standing up with WAY too much energy Andie: So, the plan of attck is simple. Using this book, we'll spend 30 minutes on each of the various sections: Victorian poetry, Shakespeare, Dickens, etc. And, by my watch, if we allow for a few 15 minute breaks, we'll be able to cover the entire course load by midnight. That will still give us enough time to do an hour speed round and get a good night's sleep. Sound good? It's quiet* Chris: Anybody want to order a pizza? Joey: Me! Dawson: Absolutely, yeah. Pacey: Hey, I got it! Listen, why don't you just think of this as several of our 15 minutes breaks strung together? Cut to the kitchen and Chris is going through the wine talking to Jen Chris: Got a bottle in here from '84. It's from Napa. Jen: Fancy. Chris: Well, actually the wine is made by a married couple who have sort of a Mom-and-Pop vineyard thing going. I was taught to choose quality over labels. Jen: I think we're getting to know each other minus sexual overtones. Well, it is possible. Chris: You know, Jen, it bothers me that you assume the worst about me. I don't about you. Jen: Well, given our previous encounters, plus your reputation, what would you expect me to assume? Chris: That we're a lot alike. That reputations aren't worth the air they're written on, and that the only way to really get to know someone is by getting to know them. Jen: Deal. Chris: I don't want to let go just yet.. Cut back to the room. Andie is quizzing people. Andie: Okay, for 200 points: The most famous of the romantic poets? Jen: The Pope. Andie: Wrong. Dawson? Dawson: Shelley? Andie: Wrong again. Chris: "Two beings were drifting, each one to the other, no moments, veil-liting, or hint from other." Hardy. Andie: Impressive, but wrong! Pacey? Pacey: "Would you eat them in a box? Would you eat them with a fox?" Seuss! Andie: I so hate you right now. Joey: Keats. It was Keats. Andie: Ding, ding! Okay...for an additional 100 points, can you give us his most famous quote? Dawson stares at Joey. Dawson: "Beauty is truth, truth beauty." Joey: Um, he's right. I forgot. Dawson: It would seem so. Chris: Whoa, maybe we shoudl ht that hot tub? What do you think, chill out a bit? Andie: We've been chillin' out for 2 hours. What we need to do now is FOCUS. Chris: Well, then, what do we have here? Why did I take you more for the National Geographic type? Jen: You've got to be kidding me! "How Pure are You?" God, talk about an open can of worms. Chris: Oh, excellent. Andie: No way, no. We're already behind. Chris: Come on, Lieutenant! I vote for one last bonding event before I go back to academic trture. Jen: Why not? They all head into another room. Andie: Okay, in an effort to keep this moment of folly under control, I'm taking charge. There's 100 questions total, and I only have one test. We'll pass it around and take turns asking. Write your answers on the paper and we'll total when finish. Okay, um, Pacey? Whydon't you start? Pacey: Alrighty. Question #1: "Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?" So, it's a southern test, huh? timelapse Jen: #13: "Have you ever experimented with bondage?" timelapse Joey: "Have you ever gotten cozy in an airplane?" timelapse Andie: "..in a public place?" timelapse Chris: "..in your parent's bed?" timelapse Dawson: "Have you ever caught your parents having sex?" timelapse Pacey: #63: "Have you ever named your most private of regions?" Jen: #69 laughing Jen: (cont.) "Have you ever participated in.." timelapse Joey: "Have you ever engaged in sexual activity with a member of the same sex?" timelapse Andie: "...with a trnsvstite?" timelapse Pacey: "...with a 4-legged creature?" timelapse Dawson: "Have you ever paid for sex?" Chris: Does dinner count? Andie: Question #84: "Have you ever fantasized about a friend's significant other?" silence Andie: (cont.) Very quiet in the room all of a sudden. Jen: "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's significant other?" Chris: In my fantasy. Pacey: Give me this. takes magazine "Have you ever had an affair with a friend's pet?" How come I get all the animal questions? timelapse Joey: Okay, #100: pauses "Have you ever been in love? If so, how many times? Give yourself a point of purity for each time." Joey looks at Dawson. Andie: Okay, let's score 'em up! Everybody ready? Joey leaves the room. Cut to Dawson walking into the kitchen where Joey is. Joey: Not now, Dawson. Dawson: I saw the look on your face when you read that question. Joey: Is this your version of space? Dawson: You're free to leave anytime. I don't see you making a rush for the door. Joey: That's because I came here to study. I didn't know you were coming. Dawson: Is it so awful that I'm here? Joey: No! Stop putting words into my mouth. I asked for time, Dawson, just time. Please respect that. She leaves. Dia is in the doorway. Dia: Issues. Dawson, right? Dina Wolfe here, in case you didn't remember. Dawson: Dina, do you know where the coffee is? Dina: Yeah, drip or instant? Dawson: Um, drip. Dina: Appropriate. Tough room. Dawson: With me, always. Dina: So, care to fill me in on the details of your little love affair? Dawson: Id' rather not discuss it, actually, thanks. Dina: You're right, Dawson. Why talk? People like you and me, we can say everything with a look. She looks at Dawson and Dawson looks at her like she's lost it. Andie: And the totals are as follows, Chris clocked in with the least pure score of 66%, Jen is a close second with 69%, Joey and Dawson bring us up the scale with a matching level of 85%, and I round us up with a 92%. Wait a minute...we're missing one here. Pacey: holds up his It's right here. Andie: Oh, why didn't you turn it in? Pacey: Didn't really want to. Andie: Hand it over. Chris: You dog! This wouldn't have anything to do with question #16. Andie: #16? I don't get it. Chris: Yeah, we blew right past it, but I think we should read it again aloud. What do you say, Pace? Pacey: Chris.. Chris: Come on. Stop it. I'm dying to know. What'd you put for 16, Witter? Let's just put an old rumor to rest right now. Pacey: Is there anything redeeming about you other than your house? Chris: Ouch. Andie: Okay, will someone please tell me what you guys are talking about? Okay, I'll look it up myself. Um, 16: "Have you ever had sex with someone...twice your age?" Huh? It's a joke, right? Chris: Well, it's true after all. Witter laid the pipe with Miss Jacobs. I don't know whether to congratulate you or fall off my chair. Andie: Miss Jacobs...the teacher who left Capeside? Pacey...you said that you were embarrassingly pure. Those were your words, right? She walks off. Pacey leaves. Cut to Chris and Dawson out by the Jacuzzi Dawson: Chris, do you know where they may have gone? Chris: I'm telling you, they're out there screwing around by now. Everyone knows makeup sex is the best kind. Dawson: I wouldn't know. Chris: Don't worry, bud. The way you and Joey are going at it, there's bound to be some serious make-up sex in your future. So... Dawson: So? Chris: How am I doing? Dawson: With? Chris: The lovely Jen Lindley. You guys used to date. You know how she thinks. She likes me, huh? Dawson: Well, you never have had much trouble attracting the opposite sex, Chris. Chris: Yeah, but, uh, Jen's different. She's too with it. Closing the deal requires a completely different strategy. Dawson: You mean sleeping with her. Chris: No, I mean a heavy game of Uno. Dawson: It's not going to happen. Chris: We'll see. Dawson: You know, Chris, Jen is in this really weird vulnerable state right now. Don't take advantage of that. Chris: Relax. We won't do anything she's not looking forward to. Dawson: We'll see. Chris: Ah, if it's proof you need, you see that light up there in the guest house? When that light's off, that means I'm inside with Jen...lowering both our purity levels, and you? You'll be out here alone. Let me know if you need to borrow a swimsuit. Cut to Jen and Joey in the guestroom. Jen: God, I can't believe this place. They've got brand-new swimsuits just for visitors. Nice digs. What's the matter, Jo? You're not going to give in to a little hot tub temptation? Joey: I'm just going to study, thanks. Jen: You know, I really am sorry about you and Dawson and I know that you may not believe it. Joey: You know, you're right! I don't! Jen: Thanks, Joey. Thanks for making our conversation just as delightful as ever. Joey: Anytime. Jen: You know, I used to think that it was our mutual feelings for Dawson that kept us apart. I never really considered the fact that maybe you were just a bitch. Joey: Look, Jen. I didn't mean to be so harsh. God, I am so sick of talking all the time. I just want to follow my feelings and not discuss it. We run it into the ground and...don't you just want to have something left to just experience? Jen: As much as anyone. Cut to Pacey walking up to Andie sitting on the swing Pacey: I was beginning to think you walked all the way home. Andie: Why didn't you tell me about her? Pacey: It never came up. Andie: No good, Pacey. It did, and you lied. Pacey: Come on, Andie, what was I supposed to say? Andie: Okay, well how about for starters, "Oh, before you fall for me, Andie, I slept with my teacher." Pacey: Oh, right, there's an easy sentence. Andie: It's not a joke, okay? I'm serious, and despite your braggart tendencies, Pacey, it's not exactly an admirable event. Pacey: That's not fair, Andie. You're judging me, and you don't even know the circumstances. Besides, I slept with her, not you. Andie: Why would you do it, Pacey? Pacey: Why? Sex. Andie: Oh, so there were no feelings involved. Pacey: Of course there were feelings involved. You asked why. Andie: Okay, I take it back. I don't want to know anymore. You're not like that. Pacey: Of course I'm like that! I'm a sexual creature, Andie, and so are you. Why do you think we talk about it so much? Why do you think we joke about it? Why do you think we give each other tests to see how pure we are? Andie: No, no, no! That's different. That's completely innocent. Pacey: No, it's not! The test was about sex, and sex is never innocent! It's intense, it's passionate, and sometimes it can be life-altering, but it's never innocent, Andie, and I'm really sorry if this changes the way that you feel about me, but I can't change that. And if things are going to continue between us, I think you're just going to have to accept that. Cut to inside. Chris: Yo Jen! Hot tub's ready. Jen: upstairs Be right down. Chris leaves and Jen comes downstairs. Dawson stops her. Dawson: Jen, hey! Jen: Dawson, what? You're not going in? Dawson: No, um, can I talk to you for a second? Jen: Yeah... Dawson: I'm worried Chris doesn't exactly have the best of intentions here. Jen: Tell me something I don't know. Dawson: You're aware that his goal is to sleep with you tonight? Jen: He's a guy. He's 16 and he...seems to find me attractive, so yes, I would assume he's got some sort of agenda. Dawson: And you're okay with that? Jen: Just because he has some sort of master plan doesn't mean that I've got to go along with it. Dawson: Okay! Jen: And for that matter, why do you assume that I don't have a plan of my own? She walks outside toward the jacuzzi Dina's in the doorway again Dina: Psst! Gorgeous! Dawson: What? Do you hide in the vents? Dina: So you dated both of them, huh? Dawson: You certainly do your research. Dina: Which one's the one? On your test, you put you'd been in love once. I'm dying to know. Is it Cameron Diaz or Julia Roberts? Dawson: How did you-- Dina: It's called an answer sheet. It's called...holds it up here! Dawson: reaches for it Give me that! Dina: Wait, NOT SO FAST! I have one you want much more. Dawson: Joey's? Dina: She puts a little smiley face in her O's. Kind of makes me want to puke. Dawson: Let me see it. Dina: Not so fast, this toll has a fee. Dawson: Okay. What? She puckers up Dawson: You've got to be kidding me. That's not going to happen. Dina: I think you'll find her last answer rather interesting. Seems while you've only been in love once, according to you-know-who's answer sheet, she's been in love...twice. Cut to Jen and Chris in the jacuzzi Jen: Alright, that's enough. It's time to study. Chris: No, no. Relax. We're in a hot tub. Studying's not permitted. Jen: Really? Then, what is? Chris: This. They start kissing Jen: And...what if I don't want to mess around? Chris: Then we won't. Jen, I'm not a bad guy. I just want to have fun. Jen: Well, then tell me, Christopher Robbin, what is your idea of fun? Chris: This. They start kissing again Chris: So, Jen...are we on the same page? Jen: Same page. Cut to Pacey and Dawson. Dawson: Is she okay? Pacey: Yeah. She'll be fine. She just wants to be alone right now, you know? Dawson: Why didn't you just write "no"? Pacey: I didn't want to lie to her. I mean, I don't know. What would you have done? Dawson: I'd like to think I would have been honest. I don't know. It's...I seem to have trouble saying a lot of things lately. Pacey: You know what? Dawson: What? Pacey: Try harder. Cut to Dawson walking towards Joey on the patio Joey: Look, no more rounds tonight, Dawson. I am so tired. I'm actually trying to get 5 minutes of studying in. Dawson: Jo, I thought what we had was special. Joey: Look, I'm serious. I don't want to talk about anything but this. Dawson: You wrote that you have been in love twice. Joey: You looked at my test?! Dawson: No, I've learned my lesson about invading your personal privacy. Chris's little sister was kind enough to impart that information. Joey, you said that I was your world. When did you have time for guy #2? I don't believe you're shallow enough to fall in love with Jack after one kiss. Joey: Look, stop it! Dawson: I don't understand! Joey: I don't know, okay?! Why can't we go back to the way things were? Why can't we just be friends, Dawson? Dawson: That's what you want? Joey: Yes! Dawson: After all we've been through, just friends? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: If you don't understand why that can't happen, if you don't get that, you don't get me! Joey walks off Dina's in the doorway...again Dina: Very emotional. Oscar nominating. Really. Dawson: Go away. Dina: Dawson, you aren't crying, are you? Dawson: You wanted a kiss. Is that what you want? Are you prepared for everything that comes with that kiss? 'Cause it doesn't just end with a fade out. There are repercussions. Hearts get broken. Friendships get ruined. Your entire life could fall apart because of one kiss. That's what you have to look forward to. Do yourself a big favor...don't rush it. She runs off and Dawson turns around to find Joey staring at him in shock about his outburst. Dawson sits down on the steps and looks out towards the jacuzzi...Jen and Chris aren't there. Then, he looks up to the guest house and the light is off. He puts his head in his hands. Cut to Joey knocking on Dina's door. Dina: What do you want? Joey: To hang out with the only sane individual here. Dina: He's so mean. Joey: All boys are. It's their easiest way of expressing themselves. Dina: After tonight, I'm avoiding growing up at all costs. Joey: Sounds good. Let me know if you have any luck. Dina: Aren't you supposed to be arguing the other side? Convincing me that growing up can be such a beautiful experience if I just let it? Joey: I see. You want the "I'm older than you, so here's how it works" speech? How's this? Growing up sucks. Not all kisses are magic, and most boys do not live up to your expectations, but there are those times when everything, I mean love, romance, relationships, it all falls together perfectly and it's incredible. It's those moments, no matter how depressingly few and far between, that make growing up worth it. You'll be okay. Cut to Dawson flipping through pages in a book. Timelapse and it's daylight. He wakes up and walks into the house finding Joey, Pacey, and Andie asleep. Andie: Oh, my God! Tell me it is not 6 am. Dawson: It's 6am. Andie: Wake up, wake up! Pacey, the test is in 4 hours. Oh my God! I must have been studying and I passed out. Pacey: Hey, relax. Where's the binder? Dawson: Binder's on the porch, I'll get it. Andie: We don't have any time! Joey: What's happening? Where is everyone? Andie: Everyone is totally asleep, totally unstuidied, totally unprepared, and totally screwed! Cut to the guestroom Chris: Morning. Jen: Hey. Chris: They're getting up. We should get down there. Thank you. Jen: For? Chris: For a very fun night. Jen: Hang on a sex, I'll get dressed and come down with you. Chris: No, no. That's cool. Just, take your time. I'll meet you down there. Cut to the room with the group around a table. Pacey: Alright, everybody, listen up! We got exactly 4 concentrated hours in which to study for the deadliest exam of our young adult lives. Now, going off an abbreviated version of Andie's lesson plan, I plan on constructing a 3 hour and 45 minute lesson plan, which, if excuted properly, will cover everything. You following me? Andie: Pacey, this test-- Pacey: Shh! Listen, don't worry. Boys and girls, you happen to be in the hands of a professional crammer. We'll start with Beowulf. How many monsters did he have to fight and name one. Andie: 3. Dawson: Grendel. Pacey: Good, now on to the hard stuff. Cut to the group in the kitchen making toast and pouring orange juice* Pacey: Which one of the Bronte sisters wrote Wuthering Heights? Joey: Emily. Jen: Charlotte. Dawson: It was Emily. Andie: Charlotte! Pacey: Charlotte wrote Jane Eyre. Jen: Then what did Emily write? Joey: Wuthering Heights. Cut to the group out by the pool in shades. Dawson: "To be or not to be. That is the question." Chris: "Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings..." Cut back inside Pacey: Name the little people in Gulliver's Travels. Dawson: Lilliputions. Pacey: The big bad scary people. Joey: Brob.. Chris: Brob..brob.. Andie: Bromd...brom.. Dawson: D-ding? Cut back to the gng by the pool.* Jen: "Arms against a sea of troubles." Pacey: To sleep.. Cut back inside to the pool table Pacey: Name 3 occupations of travelers in the Canterbury Tales. Dawson: Knight! Andie: Summoner! Pacey: Come on! Come on! Dawson: Did we say knight? Cut back out to the pool Andie: "And by a sleep to say we end.." Joey: "To die, to sleep, to speep perchance to dream." Dawson: I'll buy it. Cut back inside. Andie: Bromdaming! Bromdaming! Jen: Brobdingnagians. Pacey: Yes! Cut to the room again where they're once again back around the table Pacey: Congratulations, guys, we're done, but I got one last group activity. He looks towards the pool. He starts sprinting for it and everybody follows. One by one they jump in. Cut to them climbing out of the pool. Andie: Wow. You really took control in there. You have an interesting way of doing that. Pacey: Yeah, well, I perform well under pressure. Andie: I want to explain sometime to you. Pacey: You really don't have to talk about this, Andie. Andie: I do, Pacey. I mean, I'm the queen of keeping dirty secrets. So I understand why you didn't jump forward with the information. I think I was just more shocked by the idea that you have so much experience and I, um... Pacey: Will. Andie: You're such a jerk! Pacey: A slacker jerk. Andie: A champion slacker jerk. Pacey: And what does that make you? Andie: I don't know, Pacey. You tell me. I dare you. Pacey: You, Andie McPhee, are the girl that I love to hate. Andie: I love to hate you, too. They kiss. Andie: Not forgiven. Pacey: It's a no? Cut to Dawson walking up to Joey in a robe drying her clothes Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey. Dawson: Can we talk? Joey: Sure. Dawson: Do me a favor and don't say anything, okay? Because everytime we speak I screw this up, so just please listen. Joey: Okay. Dawson: All I've been thinking about lately is how much I want to take back our first kiss. How much I would pay to just let you climb through that window. I mean, who knows what would have happened? Maybe we'd still be best friends. Maybe you'd even still have a thing for me. I just know that I wouldn't be hurting like this. But then I think about everything that kiss brought into my life. What it was like to look at you and know not just what you were thinking, but also what you were feeling because I was feeling the same thing, and then it's worth it. It's..worth all the pain that I'm going through. I want to regret kissing you, Joey, but I can't. It was the smartest decision I ever made. Joey: Dawson, the 2 times I feel in love, on the test, they were both you. I mean, the first time I fell was for my friend, the Dawson I grew up with, the boy across the creek, and the second time was after we kissed. I mean, you became this whole new person to me and....I fell in love all over again. I mean, just because we're not together anymore does not change my feelings for you, Dawson. It's me I'm unsure of. Dawson: Joey, I'm going to give you that space. No hostility, no underhanded comments, just space. But that doesn't change the way I feel about you. Nothing can change that. Dawson leaves. Cut to outside everyone's getting in the car. Pacey: Come on, Dawson! Let's go! Dawson gets in and Joey gets in next to him and they smile at each other. Cut to the school. Dawson reads a note on the door Dawson: Dear Class, sometimes preparation teaches you more than the exam itself; therefore, you have more of it. My illness has claimed me for another day. Test rescheduled." Andie: Well, looks like we crammed all night for nothing. Joey: Now what are we supposed to do? Andie: Go to our other classes, I guess. Pacey: Actually, no. I got one last group activity. Follow me. Cut to the football field where Joey, Dawson, Jen, Chris, Andie and Pacey are sleeping in a circle in the middle of the field. End.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x07 - The All-Nighter"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 208 "The Reluctant Hero" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe Jack: Kerr Smith ORIGINAL AIRDATE: November 25, 1998 Elated about winning the junior division of the Boston Film Festival, Dawson wants to share the triumph and prize money with Joey, whose less-than-enthusiastic response dampens his jubilant mood. As she pulls away from Dawson, Jack edges a little closer and asks her out on a date. Seeking solace, Pacey's guidance counselor paints a bleak picture of his future. Andie helps him buckle down, but she too needs to be saved, when her mother loses her composure in a public place. Dawson's room - Dawson and Pacey are watching Mr. Smith Goes to Washington and eating pizza. Pacey: Mind if I have these extra pepperonis? Dawson: Shh! Yes for the tenth time. Pacey: Could you pass me the crushed pepper? Dawson: Pacey, you're driving me crazy. Pacey: I'm a hungry person. Dawson: You're an annoying person. Pacey: I'm a bored person. I mean, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Dawson? C'mon! It's in black and white! Dawson: It's a Frank Cappra classic. Pacey: There's a bunch of dad people in it. Everyone in this movie is decomposing somewhere. It's morbid. You know, we got this whole section at the movie store called "New Releases". You should check it out. Dawson: Pacey, this is a timeless tale about a man faced with his heroic nature. Pacey: You know, I can't really connect with the whole (missed word) ground. That's more of your style, Dawson. Dawson: Are you insulting me? Pacey: Mm-mm. You're an endangered species, my friend. Last of a dying breed, and this movie is klling you softly with it's song. Dawson: You are insulting me. Pacey: No. I'm stating the obvious. You take in stray dogs, Dawson. You help old women cross the street. You just say no. You are Jimmy Stewart. Dawson: What does that make you? Pacey: The needless waste. Born to walk in the shadows of greater men. Dawson: Somebody's having a self esteem crisis. Pacey: Ah, no, no, no. On the contrary, my friend. Knowledge is power. I'm quite happy with my below average status. Jen appears in the window, drunk. Jen: I dropped my purse in the hedge, remind me tomorrow. It's bright in here. Hi Pacey. She flops on the bed Pacey: Looks like you got company. Dawson: Third time this week. C'mere. moving towards Jen's feet Help me out. Pacey: Once again, hero Dawson to the rescue. This isn't exactly the ideal situation...too bad for you. Jen sitting up Jen: Oohhhhh. I think I'm going to be sick. Dawson: Wastebasket, quick. Pacey hands it to him. He puts it under Jen's mouth. Jen leans over it. Jen: False alarm. She flops back down on the bed. Dawson: to Pacey I don't know what to do about her. She's spiraling. Pacey: Maybe you should just finish watching the movie. Jimmy Stewart would know what to do. Cut to Leery kitchen. Mitch is reading the paper. Dawson walks in and spots him, surprised. Dawson: Hey, what are you doing here? Mitch: Oh, I was just packing up some more stuff...movin' out. Dawson: Oh. Well, have fun. Mitch: Actually, I was going to see if you could give me a hand later. I thought we could grab a bite to eat, spend some time, be like a friend thing. Dawson: Sure. Might want to skip the friend thing, I kind of have real friend for that. Mitch: Look, Dawson. I know this isn't easy for you. And you're disappointed in me, and, believe me, I wish that things could be different, but-- Dawson: They're not. Mitch: I'm trying here, Dawson. See you after school, then? Dawson: Sure. leaving Mitch: Oh, before I forget, I grabbed this by accident when I was picking up my mail the other day-- Dawson: takes the letter Dad, look, I don't know what exactly you expect from me, but this isn't exactly a transition that I'm thrilled to make. And I don't see how you moving out is a step in the right direction. Mitch: That's my decision to make. Not yours. Dawson: I see. He leaves. When he gets outside, he looks at the letter, he hurries to open it. He reads it, a huge smile crosses his face Dawson: Oh my God! Cut to Pacey in his counselor's office Counselor: Well, Pacey, gradepoint average 1.7, currently failing biology, and US History, extracurricular interests, none, tendency to be disruptive in class, has difficulty with tests requiring a No.2 pencil, let's see here, career aptitude tests, well I didn't realize it was possible to fail an aptitude test. This shows that you have absolutely zero career objectives. Congratulations. Most people with your academic record can't walk upright. Pacey: What are my options? Counselor: Summer school, followed by a return engagement in your hm year, and if by some miracle you make it to graduation, a life of leisure. Until welfare reform kicks in that is. Well, nobody (missed phrase), now I'm really disappointed in you, Pacey. Pacey sinks down in his chair and lays his head back Cut to hallway. Dawson is rushing down it Dawson: Joey! Joey, wait up! Joey! We won! Joey has a confused look on her face Dawson: (cont.) We won, you and me! Joey: What are you talking about? Dawson: The Boston Film Festival. We won the Juror's prize for the best short film in the Junior division! Joey is happy. Joey: Oh my God! Dawson: Listen to this, "The clever send up of the horror genre shows a profound understanding of the traditional Hollywood fascinations and turns them upside down in an entirely refreshing and entertaining way.." Joey is even more excited and happy for Dawson. Dawson: (cont.)"..writer and director, Dawson Leery, and producer, Joey Potter, have been allotted a budget of $2500 towards their next project." holding up the check This is a check for $2500 to finance our next movie. We've already been pre-accepted in their Winter Workshop. Joey looks up and smiles again, but this time a forced smile. Joey: We? Dawson: Yeah! I mean, I know, I understand that we said we'd give each other space and I totally respect that, but I was wondering, er, I mean, hoping that you would still produce. Think about it. We could actually rent equipment! Say goodbye to holiday lamp(?) lighting and shopping cart dollies. I mean, if we move fast, we could get it finished by the summer, maybe travel with it, go to festivals-- Joey: Dawson. I'm really sorry, but I don't think I could do it. I mean, I don't think I have the time right now. I, I mean, I just signed up for some art classes and between work and school... Dawson: But we make such a great team. Joey nods, but still holds firm. Dawson: Okay. No, no, I understand. Joey: Listen, I mean, this is amazing! I mean, you should be thrilled! It's just incredible. It's-- Dawson: Yeah, it is. I am. I am! I'm thrilled. Joey: softly Good. Dawson: Alright. I'll see ya. Dawson walks off down the hall. Joey stands there saddened knowing she disappointed him until a hand taps her on the shoulder Jack: Joey? You got a second? Joey: Actually, I'm kind of late for second period.. Jack: Um, look, I'd really like to make things right between us. It will just take a second, okay? It was a full moon. I know that's no excuse, but I'm really sorry. Just tell me what I've got to do to get our friendship back on track here because this whole silent treatment thing is klling me. Joey: Jack, I'm not giving you the silent treatment, it's just I'm trying to figure things out. Jack: Yeah, but you've been avoiding me like I have some kind of disease. Joey: No, I've just had a lot on my mind lately. Jack: Oh, so you're not mad at me? Joey: No, actually, I think you had it right the night of the dance. More than anything I guess I was mad at myself. Jack: Oh, well then, get over it already. This whole line of personal turmoil thing just kind of wrinkles up your forehead. They laugh* Jack: Besides, I miss hanging out with you. Joey: Gotta go. Jack: Yeah, see ya. Joey leaves and Jack smiles and runs off towards his class Cut to Dawson in the lunchroom, typing on a laptop. Jen walks up and takes a seat Jen: Hey you! Dawson: How's the hangover? Jen: Ah, post-Advil, fine. So, what are you writing? Dawson: A script. Jen: Really? That's great. Dawson: Yeah, great, and..pulls out letter here. Jen: reads letter $2500...Dawson, you won! You actually won. Dawson: Yeah, I did. Jen: Congratulations, I am so proud of you. Dawson: So how does it feel to be the star of an award winning film? Jen: An honor. Although, next time, I would like to request that you extend my dialogue beyond 'Help' and 'ahhh'." They laugh Dawson: That's a deal. Cut to Pacey and Andie in the lunch line Pacey: Then he tells me that I have no future that doesn't involve the fast-food industry. Andie: And he's called a guidance counselors. Pacey: Yeah, amongst other things. Andie: Just because a student doesn't fit into some cookie-cutter mold that the public school system deems acceptable they're ready to write 'em off. I mean, Einstein failed second grade and not because he was stupid but because he was bored. And the incompetency of an inferior public school system failed to recognize it. You know, they'd rather just dismiss someone who's in obvious need of some guidance, rather than reach out to him. I mean, if someone along the way had just taken two seconds to notice, to care, they would have noticed that you need to be rescued not ridiculed. The entire cafeteria is watching Andie now. Pacey: Ladies and gentlemen, Andie McPhee. They clap. Cut to Jen and Dawson. Chris and a friend walk up to them. Chris: Lindley. Jen: Hey, you guys! I was looking for you earlier. Chris: Impressed at your showing last night. I'm surprised to see you here. Jen: I recooperate well. Chris: Hey Dawson. Dawson: barely looking up Sup Chris. Chris: So, listen, I've got to confess. I am on a mission. Todd, here, is having a p-a-r-ty tonight. Todd: Kegs and eggs. Party til breakfast. Chris: Yeah, we're just getting the word out. Jen: Well, you know that you can sign me up. Chris: Excellent. See you there. They walk off Dawson: So, what's your deal with him? Jen: We've just been hanging out. What? Dawson: Well, I-- Jen: Come on, Dawson. Save me the character dissection. And while we're at it why don't you come with me? Dawson: Well, let's see. We've got script-writing-career-advancement on one side and useless-drinking-oblivion on the other. That's a tough call. Jen: Don't judge me, Dawson. If you don't want to go, don't go. That's fine, alright? But just because I'm finally enjoying myself, you don't have to treat me like I've been lost to the other side, okay? And I'm not out of control, all I'm doing is having fun. Alright? It's a simple three-letter word, fun. F-u-n. Dawson: I didn't say a word, Jen. Cut to Pacey and Andie Andie: This isn't funny, Pacey. It's just that you're entire future is on the line here and I think you should be a little more nervous. I mean, you're so not nervous, you're making me nervous. Pacey: Now that all my postulating of illigitimy(sp?) has been duely-documented, I kind of feel like a weights been taken off, you know? Andie: If that's the way that you perceive yourself, then that's the way people are going to look at you. If you act like a joke, people are going to treat you like one. Pacey: You finally figured it out. I'm not Luke Skywalker, I'm not even Luke Perry. There's no hero here, Andie. I am a joke. Andie: I'm not coming to your pity party. You know I don't think you're a joke, Pacey. Pacey: But it's too late. I've spent too long being a screw-up, I'm kind of passed the perverbial point of no return. Andie: Well, change your course. Break the chain. Anyone can re-invent themselves. I mean, it's America. Madonna does it every week. Pacey: But I don't know how. I don't know where to start. Andie: Try starting from the inside. I mean, anyone can change their fate. Heroes are made, not born. Pacey stares at her and smiles thoughtfully. Cut to Jack and Joey in line. Jack: Welcome to Shay(?) cafeteria. One of our specials tonight is a chateau bejou par two (sp? it was French I take it..). With a side of baby carrots on a bed of spring lettuce which I highly recommend. Now, we have some other specials tonight which include some reddish-yellow stuff down there, and of course we have this green gelatin dessert with a highly smells it suspicious nature. Joey laughs. Jack: Hey, um, what are you up to tonight? Joey: Probably just the usual. You know, have my driver pick me up around 8, go for a massage before my catered dinner aboard my yacht, then I may jet over to Paris to see the Matisse exhibit at the Loufe. Jack: Actually, that exhibit was moved to the (missed word) last week. However, I'm pretty sure I could get us reservations..say 8:00, at Billy's. Joey looks at him confused. Jack: You know, Billy, that hot dog vendor guy down at the dwarf(sp). Joey: You mean like a date? Jack: No, no, of course not. It's more like a dat. Joey: A dat? Jack: Yeah, you take the e of the date and you have a dat. Joey: And what do people do on dats? Jack: Well, there's really no code of conduct. Etiquette is definitely optional. We just kind of make up our own rules and the only requirement is that we have a great time. Oh, and don't worry. I checked out the lunar calendar. No full moon for weeks. They laugh. Joey: You know Jack, you do have a certain charm. Jack smiles. Joey: But, don't worry, I'm going to ignore it and hang out with you anyway. Jack: See ya. He goes and sits down with Andie and Pacey. Andie: Hey. Jack: I have a date with Joey. Pacey just stares at him. Andie: That's great. Jack: Yeah. Andie: looking at Pacey What? Jack: Ah, Pace, I'm sorry. I know Dawson's a friend of yours. Pacey: Yes, man, it's okay. Just leave me out of this, alright? Jack: So look, Andie, I know that it's my night with mom so if you don't want me to go out.. Andie: No, no, no. I have to stay in and study anyway. Pacey: We have to stay in and study, remember? Andie: Right...I can't believe I've forgotten. Jack, don't worry about mom. I mean, she's not entirely your responsibility. There's two of us. Besides, with that new medication she's on, she's doing so much better. Jack: Andie, come on. Mom pulled another sybil last week. Let's be honest with each other. Andie: Look, just go out with Joey, okay? Everything's under control. I've got it all under control. Cut to Joey's house. She's getting ready and sees Dawson at the door. Joey: Dawson, um, what are you doing here? Dawson: Um, this is for you. hands her a small envelope Joey: What is it? Dawson: Half of the prize money. You can use it for art classes or whatever. Joey: I..I can't accept this. This is for your movie. Dawson: Jo, I want you to have it. You deserve it. Jo, my intentions here are honorable. I'm not asking for anything in return. I just want you to be happy. Joey: Well, I could use the money. I mean, thank you. Dawson: I believe in you, Joey. I always have. Joey: Thanks. Dawson: So, um, are you going somewhere? Joey: No, just hanging out with a friend. Dawson: Oh. I guess I'll see ya around. Joey: Okay. Dawson: Okay.. Joey: Dawson! Dawson: Yeah? Joey: Do you think things could get back to normal between us? Could we just be friends again? Dawson: I'd like that, yeah. Joey: Good. Okay. Dawson turns around to leave Joey: And, you know, um, whatever kind of movie you decide to make, I know it will be great. Dawson: I'm thinking of doing a love story. You know, boy meets girl. Boy gets girl. Boy loses girl.....Boy gets girl back. Joey: smiles Dawson.. Dawson: You know me, I'm a sucker for happy endings. Joey: Yeah.. Dawson: So.. Joey: Well, thank you. Dawson: Yeah.. He turns around and his face falls as he spots Jack walking up. Jack: Hey. Dawson: pauses Hey. Joey closes her eyes. Then smiles. Joey: Hey. Jack: Hey. Joey: Everything okay? Jack: Yeah, fine. Just saying hi. Joey: Maybe we should go inside. Jack: Sure. Joey looks back towards Dawson walking down the dock Cut to Dawson carrying a box into Mitch's apartment. Dawson: Alright, last box. So I guess I'll see ya later. Mitch: Dawson, what's the rush? Stick around. Hang out. Dawson: Working that friend angle? Mitch: I was trying. Talk to me. Look, Dawson, we've always been able to talk, freely and openly, I don't want that to change. Dawson: Okay, let's talk. Mitch: So, um, how's Joey? Dawson: Joey dumped me and is falling for another guy, next. Mitch: Okay, um, Jen? Dawson: Probably drunk and stuck to a sidewalk somewhere. Mitch: Dawson.. Dawson: Dad, this isn't going to work, okay? I'm going to get going. Mitch: You don't have to like my decisions, Dawson. I just ask that you respect them. Dawson: All I ever do is respect other people's wishes, okay? I'm sick of that. It makes everybody else feel better but it makes me feel like hell. Mitch: Well, maybe that's just because your only considering the outcomes, and not the intentions. Nobody's out to get you, Dawson. Certainly not me. He pulls out keys and walks to Dawson I want you to think of this place, as yours. Now if you need anything, please. Dawson: You want to be open and honest, right? Mitch: nods Yes. Dawson: Well, here it goes. I don't want another friend or a buddy. I want a father. Can you respect that? Mitch: I guess I'll have to. Dawson: Alright. He leaves. Cut to Jen painting her toenails Dawson: Hey! Jen: Hey Dawson! What's up? Dawson I was just wondering if that invitation to go out with you tonight was still open. Jen: Really? Dawson: Yeah I think it's exactly what I need this evening. Jen: Run-in with Joey, huh? Dawson: You're quick. No way around that. Jen: Yes, Dawson, you can come with me, but you can not bitch or moan about my partying habits, you've got to keep an open mind, and no judging. Dawson: I can do that, maybe. Jen: And this is not a date. You're way too far gone as a rebound case for me to be even remotely interested. Dawson: Is it that obvious? Jen: Dawson, you're so on the rebound, you're practically bouncing. Dawson: Alright, then tonight will be exactly what I need. What time should I pick you up? Jen: Actually, why don't I pick you up? 7:00. Dawson: Alright. That'll work, too. Jen: This could be good, Dawson. You and me together again. Dawson: This is not a date, remember! Jen: And I'm not interested, remember? Dawson leaves Cut to the party. Jen: Don't judge, Dawson. Dawson: I'm not judging, just observing. The destruction of young America. Jen: Fun, remember? That's what this is gonna be all about is fun. Dawson: I think I miscalculated. They find Chris and Todd. Jen: Hello you guys. Chris: Hey, you guys made it. Todd: Dawson..you're a surprise, dude. Chris hands Jen a beer. Jen: Thank you. Chris: You wanna dance? Jen: Mm-hm. Dawson, come on! Dawson: No, no, go on, have fun. Jen: Enjoy yourself, okay? She runs inside with Chris. Dawson watches her dance and drink and sighs. Cut to Pacey walking into the McPhee's backyard. Andie's Mom: Pacey! Hello. Nice to see you again. Andie rushes out Andie: Okay, we're going to be upstairs studying if you need anything. Okay, Mom? Andie's Mom: Would you kids like something to eat? I could make you a sandwich. Pacey: No thanks, I just ate. Andie's Mom: What are you studying? Pacey: Tonight's double feature includes US History and biology. Andie's Mom: If Tim was here, you could get some help. US History was one of Tim's favorite subjects. Andie: Okay.. They go inside Pacey: I thought you said your mother was getting better. Andie: She is. She just slips sometimes. Pacey: Well, I don't mean to be insensitive, Andie, but she talks about your brother like he's still alive. Andie: Well, she has her good days and her bad days. Pacey: And what day is this? Andie: Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry. They go upstairs. Cut to them going into Andie's room. Pacey walks over to all her prizes and trophies. Pacey: You know the only thing I ever won came out of a cereal box? How do you do all this? I know you have a peppy(?) personality, but my God, Andie! On top of everything, you take care of your family and you still find time in the day to rescue a guy like me. Aren't you tired? Andie: You do what you gotta do. Okay, let's get started. Now, I always allow myself a margin of error for any occasional, unforseen roadblocks. Unfortunatly, you have no margin of error. You are, in what we studious circles refer to as...up crapola creek without a paddle, hanging on to the tenth grade by a thread, one cliffnote away from-- Pacey: Complete and utter disaster. I get it. Cut to Jack and Joey having a picnic by the river, creek, whatever. Lightning flashes. Joey: Whoa. Jack: Heat lightning. You know, I almost got ht by lightning once when I was a kid. We were playing freeze tag in the park and I froze and CRACK! I mean, I could smell the ground burn. Joey: Oh my God, did you freak? Jack: I got fascinated. Joey: With lightning? Jack: Lightning's amazing. It's opposite charges attracting until the force just gets so great that the air just kind of breaks down. It's like nature's version of performance art. Joey: Jack, how do you know all these things that normal people don't know and you don't know the things that normal people do? Jack: Don't you get bored and watch the Weather Channel? Joey: No. But, when we were kids, Dawson and I did try to replicate Ben Franklin's experiment with the kite and the key...we almost electrocuted ourselves. Jack: You and Dawson.. Joey: I'm sorry.I don't know why I brought him up. It's just that we've know each other for such a long time. Jack: It's okay. I understand. You guys have a history. I mean, he made that pretty clear when he punched me. Joey: You have to understand Dawson. I mean, life is a movie to him and in the movie the hero always punches out the bad guy. I mean, not that you're a bad guy. It's just that.. Jack: He was upset. Joey: Yeah. Jack: I'm sure I would be, too, if I let you slip through my fingers. Joey: I saw the look he gave you outside of my house tonight. Jack: Yeah, you were right about that movie thing. He made me feel like I was in the middle of a western, and he was John Wayne challenging me to a duel at sunset. But I'd be up for the challenge though. Some things are worth fighting for. More lightning* Joey: God. That is so cool. Cut to the party. Jen is drunk talking to some guy. I think it's Todd. Chris: So...what came of you two? Getting some post-Joey action or what? Dawson: She's a friend. Chris: She's a good friend to have. You should have more just like her. You know? Dawson: You're about as subtle as you are genuine, huh? Chris: What you see is what you get. Dawson: Clearly. Cut to Andie and Pacey studying. Andie: After you've read through the chapter once, you want to go back and highlight any of the passages that seem important enough to be given on any given standardized test. Pacey: Well how do you know what's important? If it's not important, why would you write it down? Who's job is it, who's right is it, to decide what passages are important enough to deserve the attention of a flourescent yellow felt tip marker? Andie: You're giving me a headache. I need a break. She sits down on her bed. The phone rings. Andie: Hello? Yes, this is Andie. What? Uh, oh my God, um, please don't call the police. Uh, I can be there in 5 minutes, okay? Just give me five minutes. Pacey: Andie, what's wrong? Andie: It's my mother. She's at Molly's Market again. Cut to the market. Andie: Hi. Employee: I didn't call the cops because I think you and your brother are really nice and I really do feel sorry for you, but this is the third time. Andie: I know. Employee: But if you can't keep her out of here.. Andie: I know, I know. Thank you. Employee: I hope I don't have to tell you. This is really bad for business. Andie's Mom: My husband really takes care of things. You should call my husband. He takes care of things, you know? Andie: Let's go home, Mom. Andie's Mom: I can't. I'm sorry, honey. I can't go home. I'm sorry honey. Andie: Please, let's just go home now, okay? Andie's Mom: No, I can't. Andie: Mom, stop it. Please. Andie's Mom: It's all over! It's all gone. Pacey walks up. Pacey: Hey Mrs. McPhee. Remember me? Pacey? Andie's Mom: Pacey.. Pacey: Yeah, it's me. What are you doing here? Picking up some groceries? Andie's Mom: I don't know..I don't know. Pacey: Don't worry about it. Just help me pick out a couple things..um..hey! They got marshmellows. It's a food group all in it's own. Andie's Mom: You don't want that. I have some turkey and roast beef in the fridge. Pacey: You know, that sounds to me like a triple-decker club sandwich. Will you make me a sandwich, Mrs. McPhee? Andie's Mom: Yes, I can make you a sandwich, Pacey. Pacey: Excellent. You, Mrs. McPhee, are my savior. C'mon. They walk out of the store Cut to the party. Dawson is walking around and spots Jen and Chris and Todd going upstairs. Dawson follows. He opens a door and catches Todd and Chris kissing Jen on a bed. Chris: Hey Dawson. Wanna play? Dawson rushes in and picks Jen up Jen: Dawson, stop it! Put me down! Chris: What the hell you doing? Dawson carries her out to the front lawn before he puts her down. Jen: I cannot even believe you. Dawson: Jen, look at yourself! You're drunk and you were hooking up with two guys. Where are you going? Jen: I'm going home! Dawson: You're going the wrong way. Jen, stop. Jen: Why so that you can explain this? So that we can talk this out and you can tell me why you are so determined to pull the plug on anybody that's having a good time. Dawson: This is not having a good time. Jen: Oh, maybe not to you. Dawson: Not to anybody, Jen! You're hiding. You're avoiding dealing with the fact that you're unhappy. And it's disgusting. Jen: Oh, you're really one to talk, Dawson. Look at yourself, okay? You don't drink, and you don't mess around with anybody or anything but you are the unhappiest person I know. Dawson: You're absolutely right and I would take my melancholy over this anyday because it's real. I'm not fighting to pretend that I'm having a good time. Jen: I'm not pretendin' Dawson I was havin' a good time! Jen gets sick and throws up Jen: How's that for irony, huh? Bad girl throws up on a white picket fence. Don't be disgusted by me, Dawson. Don't deal with me. Accept me. And accept the fact that there are people in this world that don't need saving. Dawson: Jen, you're drunk. Jen: No, listen to me. I have tried, okay? I have tried to live my life just like you. I just don't have that sort of hope. But if everybody did people like you wouldn't be so special. Dawson: Jen, you're special. Jen: No I'm not. You just want me to be. Dawson: I don't agree with that. Jen, if you weren't so special, you wouldn't be so miserable. C'mere. Jen: Dawson...I can't go home. Dawson: I know something that you can go. Jen: Okay. Dawson: Alright? Jen: I'm okay. Dawson: Ready to go? Jen: Yeah. Cut to Joey and Jack Joey: Well, Jack McPhee, that was a unique evening. Jack: Unique, weird or unique, good.. Joey: Unique, fun. So, um, I guess I should get inside. They kiss Jack: You're not going to stop speaking to me again, are ya? Joey: No, I think you're safe. Crescent moon. Jack: So, um, maybe we could hang out again? Joey: Yeah, um, it's a possibility. Unless, of course, I get engrossed in the Weather Channel which isn't likely. Jack: Don't even try it. Joey: Hey Jack? Jack: Yeah? Joey: I had a really nice time tonight. Thanks. Jack: See ya. Cut to Pacey and Andie. Pacey: She went out like a light, huh? Andie: Yeah, she goes way up and then crash(?) Pacey: Are you going to be alright, Andie? I'm worried about you. Andie: Look at you. Taking care of my mom, then saving me. Don't you see? You just proved yourself wrong, Pacey. You can be anything you want. What you did for me tonight was nothing short of spectacular. I'm proud of you. He laughs Andie: What's so funny? Pacey: I'm not really used to hearing those words. I'm proud of you. At least, not when they're directed at me. C'mon. Andie: Where are we going? Pacey: Upstairs, to your bedroom. Andie: Oh really, what did you have in mind? Pacey: What do you think? Andie: Pacey! Pacey: I've still got three chapters to read. Cut to Mitch's apartment. Mitch: How's Jen? Dawson: She'll be okay. I think. I know I've been really hard on your lately. You've just always been this larger than life, Harrison Ford, ideal to me. Mitch: No one could live up to that, Dawson. Not even Harrison Ford. That just doesn't seem to exist. In reality, people are flawed. I can be your father, Dawson, and if you let me, your friend. Your call. Dawson: Then, it's done. Cut to Dawson bring Jen water. Dawson: Hey there, Tiger. Jen: Dawson Leery, you're my hero. Dawson: No, not a hero. Just a friend. Jen: What's it about? Your movie? Dawson: It's a romance. Star cross'd lovers that kinda thing. Jen: How does it end? Dawson: I don't know yet. I haven't finished writing it. Jen: If you want some editorial advice, Dawson, no happy ending. They're bogus, and pat, and totally unrealistic. Things never end happy in real life. Dawson: Just get some sleep, you'll feel better in the morning. Jen: I really wish that were true. No happy ending, Dawson. Cut to Joey climbing through Dawson's window Joey: Hey Dawson-- She notices he's not there. She sits on his bed and looks at his Jaws stuffed animal. She smiles but then it falls and she sighs and climbs back out the window	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x08 - The Reluctant Hero"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 209 "The Election" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: December 16, 1998 In this episode: Andie persuades Joey to be her running mate in the student body election, pitting them against the popular ticket of Abby and Chris Wolfe. Andie, Joey and Pacey anticipate that Abby's smear campaign will dredge up Joey's spotty family history, but are completely unprepared when Abby turns the spotlight on the McPhees. Meanwhile, Jen pressures Dawson to live a little so that he can use his real-life experiences to write a stronger script. Only when he witnesses his parents' feeble attempt at reconciliation and their subsequent decision to divorce, does Dawson give in to Jen's advice. Dawson's room. Jen is reading something and Dawson is watching TV Dawson: Jen, you're killin' me. Jen holds up a finger. Jen: Hang on...hang on... Dawson leans his head back in frustration. Jen: Alright. Dawson pauses the remote and moves up to sit across from her. Jen: Dawson, you can unflinch, I'm done. Dawson: Okay, so... Jen: What? What do you want me to say? Dawson: The truth. Jen: Okay..the truth truth or the 'what Dawson wants to hear' truth? Dawson: So in other words, you hated it. Jen: No. Dawson covers his face with his hands Jen: Dawson, Dawson, no, I didn't hate it. I just thought that it was, I don't know, for the lack of a better word....fluff. Dawson: Fluff. Fluff?! How can it be fluff Jen?! My heart and soul went into that script! Jen: I'm just saying that your heart and soul depicting the lives and loves of these teens in a small town just seems like it comes from a nieve sort of point of view. Dawson: I-I-It's supposed to be nieve, Jen! It's about the magic--the age of innocence, you know? Sexual awakening. The magic of first love. Jen: Dawson, look, your script is good, okay? It's funny and it's timely and it's smart and it's well-written. It's just lacking relevance to today's society. Dawson sighs Jen: You go out of your way to comment on teen life, but say very little about it. Dawson leans his head against the closet Dawson: If you move that Knfe just a hair to the left, you might get the jugular. Jen pats him on the back* Jen: C'mere, c'mere. I'm not sending you spiraling into a depression here, all I'm saying is it's just lacking a little uumph, you know? The anger and the edge and just the raw, dark pain that comes with being young. Dawson: Jen, I am raw and dark. Jen laughs Dawson: What? Jen: Okay, okay, in theory, maybe. Dawson: What? Jen: In theory, maybe. All I'm saying is you just lack the proof and facts to back that up. Dawson: Proof and facts? What do I need to prove the fact that I'm raw and dark? Do I need to take, like, a gn to school? Jen: No, Dawson. Dawson: kll my parents in their sleep? What exactly? Jen: No you just need to loosen up a little bit, okay? Dawson: I-- Jen: Move on. Start writing from the gut. Stop responding with such an adult perspective. Dawson: And how do I do that? Jen: Teenage 101. Dawson looks at her confused. Jen: Maybe it's time you start pretending like you really are 15. Dawson acts like he's still confused. Jen: I think...I think I could actually show you how to reclaim those missing years. C'mon, Dawson, what do you say? Dawson looks as if he's so not into this. Cut to Joey walking to school. Andie comes up. Andie: Hey Joey! I was hoping I'd see you today. I mean, I see you everyday but this is different. Joey: It's 7am. Slow down. Andie: Okay, well, let me explain. Last night I had a hard time sleeping which is really strange for me because usually I'm out like a light, but anyways, I was laying there and all of a sudden I had this epiphany(sp?). I know this is going to sound really strange, but it involved you. Joey: It's kind of early in the day for epiphanies, Andie, but thanks for sharing. Andie: Let me explain, this is important. Student council elections are right around the corner and I was thinking I could make a lot of positive changes as hm class president. Joey: And... Andie: And a really great presidential candidate needs a really great running mate. That would be you. Joey: No way. Forget about it, Andie. I don't do student government. Andie: No, no, no, Joey. I checked your GPA and you are in the top 3% of the class. You have a responsibility to let the academically less fortunate benefit from your wisdom. Joey: Maybe you haven't heard, Andie, but I'm not exactly Miss Congeniality of Capeside, okay? And adding my name to your ticket would only assure you a loss. And everybody knows my sort-of family history, okay? Andie: Look, in the high school chronological chart, it's ancient history. And your average teenager has an attention span of just under 2 seconds. You've got a clean slate, Joey, so will you at least think about it? They walk into school. Joey: Look, Andie, I'm flattered, but I'd only screw up your chances, trust me. I gotta go. Joey hurries off to class. Pacey rounds the corner. He catches up to her and kisses her on the neck Andie: smiles Hey, you. Pacey: What's shakin' McPhee? Chris hands Andie a flyer. Chris: Hey man, vote for Chris & Abby on election day. Abby: Wherever you go, Pacey, the slacker vote follows. Pacey: And, once again, Abby, your natural, irrepressible charm shines it's way through. Andie laughs Pacey: Fabulous. James Bond and Prissy Galore are going to rule our class. Andie: Not necessarily. Pacey: Who's going to bat them? Andie: Me. Pacey: Yeah, right. Andie: No, I'm serious, Pacey. Pacey: What sane person would want to waste their time on school politics when they could be spending oodles of quality time with me. Andie: Because it all falls into my master plan. School politics looks great on college applications. Pacey: Who's your running mate going to be? Andie: Still working on that one, but you're going to be my campaign manager. Pacey: I am? Andie: Yep. 'Cause I wouldn't want us to miss out on our 'oodles of quality time.' They turn the corner and walk by a girl's bathroom when Jen walks out and heads towards Dawson's locker.* Jen: Hey Dawson. What's up? Dawson: Oh, just doing the same old fluff, irrevelant existance in the middle age darklessness. Jen: Okay, so why don't we do something about that? Dawson: Like what? Jen: Cut class. Dawson: What?! Jen: Ditch. Bail. Leave the premises without permission. Something that normal students do at random. Dawson: Not even in the realm of possibility. Jen: Why not? Dawson: First of all, I don't believe that cutting class is a "missing" experience that will unleash all the answers of the universe to me and I have a quiz in history. Jen: Okay, so you can make it up tomorrow. Dawson, in order to write about being a teenager you actually need to experience being one. Dawson: Next week, I promise. They start walking Jen: Life is composed of moments. Just like your script. And you have to take those moments as they come, impulses only. Dawson: stops Okay. Let's do it. Jen: Really? Dawson: Yeah, impulse, let's cut, c'mon. You lead. Jen: Alright. Jen turns to head out the door and Dawson darts into his classroom. Jen gets outside the door and turns around and doesn't see Dawson. She sighs. CUT TO Leery household. Gail: I'm sorry, Mitch. I just didn't know who else to call. Mitch: It's fixed. Go ahead, turn it on. Turn it to rinse. It works. Then the door flies open and water sprays all over Mitch and Gail and Gail starts laughing hysterically and Mitch hurries and closes the door. Mitch: You think this is real funny, don't you? Gail: I think it's hilarious. Mitch: I'm sure you do. He takes off his wet shirt. Gail: You're drenched. Mitch: Look at you, you're not so dry yourself. He squeezes his shirt out and splashes water on Gail. She gets a dish towel. Gail: Uh huh, well look at you. Their eyes meet. Gail: Mitch? They start making out heavily and he puts her on the counter where she takes off her shirt and then they move over to the dining room table where they continue to make out. Dawson opens the door and sees them and looks surprised but smiles and leaves and closes the door. He's shown outside with a confused, yet happy, look on his face. Cut to the Icehouse. Jack and Joey are stacking coffee creamers. Joey: Did you inherit your clumsy genes from your mother or your father? I mean, Andie's not clumsy...a little high strung...but not clumsy. Jack sets one and knocks the whole thing down. Jack: Alright, best 2 outta 3. Loser cleans the deep fryer. Joey: Seriously, I mean, I take after my mom. Who do you take after? Your mother or your father? I'm guessing it's your mom. Jack: Okay, alright, you win. I'll clean the deep fryer. But I'm a little fuzzy on the process so you might have to stay late and help me with the proper procedure. Joey: How do you do that? Jack: What? Joey: Everytime I ask you something a little personal you somehow manage to change the subject and not answer. Jack: Are you saying I purposely tnk the coffee creamer tower? Joey, I'm insulted. Joey: Seriously, Jack. I mean we talk all the time but whenever it starts to get a little deep you get all weird and vague. You know I have asked you 6 questions tonight and you haven't answered one. Jack: Well, that's because you have to ask me 7. You see, 7 is the magic number. Joey: Here we go again. Why do you make light out of everything? Jack: Because I'm a loof, intraverted, and unsociable. So there, I answered. Abby and Chris have entered and taken a seat.* Abby: EXCUSE ME! Could we get a couple of menus over here, please? Joey looks at them disgusted. She hands them two menus. Abby: Preferably not with yesterday's special rotting on them. Joey hands her another one. Chris: Why'd you bring me to this dive? Abby: Because we have to talk strategy in private, and you can always count on this place to be deserted. The service here is even worse than the food. Joey turns around and walks back to the counter. Jack: So you're content on letting those two represent your class? Joey: They're not the only ones running, Jack. Jack: laughs Oh, please! Kenny Reily? That guy has no chance. Where's your sense of civic duty? Joey shrugs. Joey: I don't know. I've just never been the type to, you know, get involved in school activities. Jack: Well you weren't into art until recently. Maybe that will change. Joey: Yeah, but, student government is a huge leap, Jack, I mean, putting yourself out there for public scrutiny... Jack: Yeah, but you should run, Joey. Andie needs you. Abby is listening Jack: (cont.) You know, she's new here and it'll be hard for her to get votes but you. You have this amazing girl-next-door quality. This is your chance to make a difference. For your talents to rise to the occasion. Don't limit yourself, Joey. You're a born leader. Abby: Yeah, more like born loser. You actually think that you have any chance running against me? Get real. You throw the trash out, you don't vote it in. Joey: Back off, Abby. Abby: The truth hurts? Well, if you want to embarress yourself and your entire family even further than nature intended than by all means, throw your amazing girl-next-door quality into the ring. Hey, what's one more disappointment in an already meager depressing existance? Joey takes the pitcher of water she's holding and dumps it on Abby. Abby: Ahhh! You're dad. Chris and Abby leave and Joey walks towards Jack.* Joey: Tell Andie I'm in. She walks off and Jack laughs. Cut to Andie and Pacey sitting at a table in Capeside. Andie: Okay, I need you to finish passing out these flyers and get these posters up. I want them all over Capeside...not just the high school. Pacey: You know, on this book that I picked up on the Clinton campaign, they said this things going to get ugly. So we're going to have to start playing hard-- Andie: Pacey. Pacey: Yeah? Andie: You've done research. Pacey: Yeah, you've been a bad, bad influence on me. They kiss and Andie pulls away and Pacey is disappointed. Andie: Oh and you know, I want this campaign to take a high road. I still believe that a candidate's virtue and integrity is normal and to be expected and not just some character perk or bonus. I mean, my goal is to make government good and safe again. Pacey: My God, you know the way these sound bytes just flow out of your mouth, you could really have a future in this stuff. Your sincerity is so appealingly sexy. Andie: And your sexiness is so appealingly sincere. Pacey: You think I'm sexy, huh? What's so sexy about me? Andie: How smart you are. They lean in to kiss again and Joey sets down and clears her throat. Pacey looks irritated. Joey: Did you get a glimpse of Chris and Abby's smear campaign? This is exactly what I was worried about. Pacey: Why? We'll just ht them back harder. There's a whole chapter in my book on mud slinging. Andie: No, we are not stooping to their lows. Government is about balance and order. We can not let their petty ways use our (?). Pacey: I should write this stuff down. Joey: Don't you think we should at least fight back? Andie: And let Chris and Abby and the whole school know that we respond in an emotional knee-jerk fashion? What kind of message is that sending out to our voting constituants? Joey: Okay, forget fighting back...I think we should stand up for ourselves...I mean.. Andie: Look, Joey, I know they got you, but let's not let them get the best of us. I mean those were just words. They carry no weight whatsoever. Now let's just look at our debate issues and figure out our gameplan. Winning will be our best revenge. Pacey: She won my vote a few bumper stickers ago. Cut to Jen putting on lipstick at a cosmetics store.* Jen: Alright, Dawson. I've decided to take matters into my own hands and what you need is a regression sponsor. Dawson: A what sponsor? Jen: Somebody who can walk back into the steps of regressing your teen years. Dawson: Jen, I'm very humored by your own insight into how I am as a personal being but I am a teenager, okay? And I've got no driver's license to prove it. And regardless of any adult self-perception I might possess I still have to face all the trauma of being my age so I will respectfully decline your offer. Jen: Okay, alright. Resistance is expected. Dawson the whole reason that I brought you to this place is I figured we would just start with something simple. Do you remember when you were 10...and your mom wouldn't get you that candy bar that you really, really wanted? Didn't you ever just...swipe it? Dawson: No. Wha--What? You want me to steal something? Jen: We're not talking grand theft auto here. We're just talking a Snickers bar. Dawson shrugs declining. Jen: Dawson, every kid does it at least once. holds lipstick Put this in your pocket, Dawson. Dawson: No. No way. Jen: Dawson, c'mon. This is your symbolic candy bar. Dawson: Why is my symbolic candy bar Crimson Passion lipstick? Jen: Well because we might as well both benefit from your little for(?) adventure. Besides, look, that's not the point. What's important is that you experience the rush of walking out with it, Dawson. Dawson: It's an illegal rush that I don't have any interest in, okay? Jen: Dawson, you're overanalyzing again. Just take the said object and place it in your pocket. Dawson takes it. They walk out. Jen: Dawson, you actually did it! I didn't think you were capable! Dawson: That makes two of us. Jen: Don't you feel so...exhilirated? Dawson: Yeah...it's this amazing natural high. Jen: Alright, hand it over. Dawson: Naw, I'm the one who risked incarceration, I get to keep it. Jen looks at him. Dawson: What? Jen: Oh my God, you put it back, didn't you? You put it back, huh? Dawson: Look, Jen, I appreciate what you're trying to do but I like my perspective on life regardless of how middle-aged it might be. Jen: Okay, but how are you going to reach your audience with that perspective? Dawson, I've read your script, okay? Your hyper-awareness is disarming. You've got to start responding like an adolescent and stop hiding behind that psychology degree that you don't have. Dawson: What is wrong with being mature for my age? Jen: Because it's going to trap you, Dawson. Because you're going to wake up one morning and you're going to realize that the reason you're not growing is that you never allowed the process. There's a reason that we go from infancy to old age. Think about that. Cut to auditorium at high school. It's the candidates speeches. Kenny: Students that have a 3.5 GPA or higher should have only half a day of classes on Friday. Timelapse Andie's speech Andie: I believe my record of support and involvement of school activities fully qualifies me for student office. timelapse. Abby and Chris Chris: We're qualified...because we're one of you. Abby: We'll run the school like you want. timelapse. Andie and Joey. Joey: Unlike our opponents, we haven't lost sight on the issues in order to concentrate on malicious character attcks. timelapse* Counselor: Next question - given the (?) nature of today's political climate... timelapse Abby: Listen, it's about trust. timelapse Andie: Let's talk issues. Walkmans in study hall. timelapse Kenny: Walkmans in study hall is a great idea. timelapse Chris: I'm mad for people.(?sentence?my vcr screwed up) I've probably partied with everyone here at least once. timelapse, everybody's standing out there. Abby: It all comes down to one simple question. Who do you want to run your class? Us...the geeks...or Little Miss Perky and the Convict's Daughter. Andie: That is so not a relevant issue, Abby. Abby: You would say that since no one here knows your background. Just to bring everyone up to speed on an issue that is relevant, Andie McPhee, your perspective president, has a mother who's about....one shock treatment away from a permanent residence in the looney bin! Joey: You know, for once Abby let's stick to the issues. Andie's personal life has no bearing on her ability to handle the job as hm class president. Abby: Uh, whatever. We have hard evidence that Andie's mother was responsible for the death of her older brother in a car crash less than a year ago. The fact of the matter is Monie(?) McPhee is a wacked out nut and we all know that mental illness is hereditary so you do the math. Counselor: Abby, that's quite enough. Abby: Hey I was just trying to assertain the truth for the safety of my fellow students. Andie... Andie: crying I.....um.....I..... She walks towards the door and then starts running. Pacey chases after her. Cut to Joey running across campus to catch up with Jack. Joey: Hey. Jack: I can't find Andie. Have you seen her? Joey: You heard about the assembly? Jack: Yeah. Joey: Look I feel really stupid. Grilling you about your family...pressuring you for answers. I'm really sorry, Jack. Jack: Joey, I'm looking for my sister, not your sympathy. Joey: I haven't seen her since the debate. Jack: Great. Joey: Is there anything I can do to help? Jack: My family situation is complicated, Joey, alright? It's just not something I feel comfortable talking about so I'll see you later. Joey: No, Jack! Don't push me away okay? I want to help! Look, I've been through something like this with my own family and I understand. Jack: yelling Okay, don't you get it?! I didn't want to talk to you before and I don't now! God! Cut to Pacey walking down the deserted halls and he nears the Girl's Bathroom and opens the door slightly. Pacey: Andie? He shuts it again. Pacey: Alright, I'm coming in there and just so there's no confusion, I am a man so if there are any objections please speak now. He goes in. Pacey: Andie I know you're in here. He starts looking in the stalls. Pacey: Listen, there's a whole chapter in my book on what to do when scandal breaks. It's not such a big deal. I mean, you and I he spots her stall we can get through this. stands up So what do you say? opens the door revealing Andie curled up on the stool You and me Andie. Andie: Did you know it's exactly 60 feet 6 inches from pitching mound to home plate? Pacey: You okay, McPhee? Andie: Tim taught me that. He tried to teach me a curveball, too. Turns out I throw like a girl. Pacey: C'mon, let's get you outta here, Andie. Andie: Oh God, Pacey, I don't know. I mean, everybody knows about my mom and about Tim. How'm I supposed to go out there in the hall? I mean, everybody's going to look at me and they're all going to laugh. Pacey: They won't laugh at you, Andie. Everyone comes from a dysfunctional family. It's the 90s. The only happy families are in TV syndication. Andie: But it's all ruined. I mean, politics used to mean something. Now we've just become such a...lessened society. Pacey: Andie, this is high school. Trust me, me of all people, this will all blow over. Tomorrow everything goes back to normal. Andie: Normal? Oh, God. That's all I ever wanted. A normal family, with a normal life, balance and order, order and balance. But you know that just never exists. Not anywhere, not here. It's like this big false hope. Pacey: Hey. Don't you think you're being a little hard on yourself? Normal never existed. It never did. Andie: Hm. Wow. Look at me. I'm a mess. I'm a total and complete mess. I hate this. I really hate this. She throws Pacey's book at the mirror and then walks out of the bathroom. Mitch's apartment. Mitch: Dawson. Dawson: Hey dad. Mitch: Look. pointing to chair Can you believe somebody threw this out? The thing's an antique. Thought maybe I could clean it up a little...sell it. Dawson: Brought your mail. Mitch: Thanks. You didn't have to do that. Dawson: I know. Thought I'd stop by...say hi...see what was new if anything. Mitch: Mom told you, didn't she? Dawson: No, I saw it for myself. Not the main attraction, just the previews. Mitch: So, uh, it's complicated and, um, actually I don't know exactly how comfortable I am talking to you about this. Dawson: No problem. It's totally fine. I just want to let you know that I'm okay with it. I mean, it's fine if you want to stay over every once in awhile. It won't mess up my head. If you're worried about that. I mean, I know that reconciliation has to restrain and (?). Mitch: There is no reconciliation, Dawson. It was a slip. A sex slip, and a mistake and it won't happen again. Dawson: Now I don't understand. Mitch: Well, it just, we fell back into what was comfortable and easy and used it to cover our problems. Dawson: It helped your problems. Mitch: No. No, it worsened them. 'Cause I realized that it's insane to keep taking the same action expecting a different result. I mean, it changes nothing. It's the action that must change. Cut to Jen's house. Jen is looking through her closet and Dawson is behind her talking. Dawson: You were right. I do have perception disorder. Jen: What brought this on? Dawson: Let's just say, I'm geared to respond to life in a certain way and you say I don't respond like a typical adolescent, and you're right, I don't, but emotionally, I do. I always have. I am very much my age emotionally, maybe even younger. And my feelings are in constant conflict with my overachieving self-aware brain and it's just a constant battle. And that's what's driving me crazy. Am I making any sense? Jen: Completely. Dawson: Okay, thank God. So I keep on waiting for my feelings to catch up so maybe I can finally grow up so I can finally get over Joey or accept that my parents may or may not work things out, but I think I have it backwards. In order to change my feelings I first have to change my actions because that's the only way somebody can change how they feel. Jen: You're too smart for your own good, Dawson. Dawson: Right now I feel incredibly stupid. Jen: Is there anything I can do to help or I dunno.. Dawson: Yeah...I think I need a sponsor. I need to go out and engage in some incredibly appropriate teenage behavior. Jen: Well, that sounds like something right up my alley. Anything you had in mind? Dawson: Just something nonsensical..really spontaneous...the good, the bad, the ugly, you are the expert I will follow your lead. Jen: Well, you know what? By all means, Dawson, let the rebelry begin. Cut to Andie's house. Andie is rocking in a rocking chair staring out the window in her room. Jack comes in. Jack: I finally got Mom to bed. Andie doesn't say anything. Jack: It really scares her to see you so upset. Look, Andie, it hasn't been an easy year for any of us, but we all do what we have to to hold it together...to cope. Andie still just sits there. Jack: Your highs and lows have been becoming really intense lately. Andie: I'm fine, Jack. Jack: No, you're not fine, Andie! I mean one minute you're laughing and the next you're in tears! Andie: Please just leave me alone, okay? Jack: I think maybe it's time you went back to your medication.It's easier for you and for everyone. Andie: I said I'm alright, okay? I just had a rough day. I mean, I don't need any medication. Jack just sits there. Andie: I'm fine. Jack gets up and leaves. Cut to Dawson and Jen running through the woods laughing. Dawson is holding toilet paper. Dawson: Slow down, slow down! We just TPed Mr. Milos house! I've always wanted to do that! Jen: And now you have! See and very well I might add. looks at toilet paper Aside from the fact that you forgot to drop the evidence. Dawson throws it into the woods. Dawson: Alright, so that's a rebellious 13 I would say, so what next? Jen: You ready for something really bold? Dawson: I am up for anything. Jen: Anything? Dawson: Abso--well, what did you have in mind? Jen: Drop your pants. Dawson: What? Jen: Well, I just mean, you can't very well go skinny dipping with your clothes on. Dawson: Skinnydipping? Jen, do you know how cold the water is? Jen: Oh, I mean, if you're to embarressed about... Dawson: I'm not embarressed! I'm just...you think I wouldn't do it, don't you? Jen: No. Dawson: Well, I'm not going alone. Jen: Dawson, I never intended for you to do it alone. She starts getting undressed and Dawson turns around. Dawson: Oh my god, you're serious. Jen: Mm-hm. Completely. Dawson: Maybe we should think about this. I mean, what if somebody walks by? You know? Jen just laughs and throws her bra over Dawson's shoulder as a tease. She runs and jumps in the water. Dawson: Jen you're... Jen: Naked? And all wet. Dawson, come on in, the water's great. Jen laughs Dawson stands up behind a bush and a tree. Jen: Dawson is that a tree branch or are you just happy to see me? Dawson: It's fine now turn around! Jen: Alright, I am. Dawson: Here I come! Dawson runs and jumps in. Dawson: This used to be my worst nightmare. Jen: Oh, thanks a lot, swimming naked with me used to be your worst nightmare. They start splashing each other. Jen's laughing. Jen: Okay, Dawson, stop. Truce. Dawson just starts splashing harder. timelapse Jen: Let me ask you something. Dawson: Yeah? Jen: Nightmares aside have you ever dreamt about me? Dawson: Yeah. Well, I mean, everyone I know has crept into my dreams at one point or another. Jen: No...I mean...have you ever woken up...sweating? Dawson: What? Jen: Blanket in a little pup tent? Dawson: You first. Have you dreamt about me that way? Jen: Possibly. They kiss Jen: Dawson. Dawson: What? Jen: Crossing the line. Dawson: The line? You don't want? I thought you wanted this Jen. You've hinted...imply offered. Jen: I know, Dawson...it's just.. Dawson: I was taking your advice. You know, you don't think...do. Just something really spontaneous. Jen: I'm glad that you've embraced the philosophy, you know? It's just that we're finally friends now and I don't want to mess that up. I thought I'd take your lead on this one...hoping that different actions might create different results. Dawson: So the different action is taking no action? Jen: No, the different action is being your friend. Dawson: Like Joey was my friend? Jen: There's lots of ways to be someone's friend Dawson. We'll just have to figure that out. They start splashing each other again Cut to school. Chris and Abby are on the announcements.. Chris: I brought the Eastern Championship to Capeside now I approach my presidency with the same drive. So let's face the facts...there's only one true choice here. Abby: Remember..do you really want those other losers running your school? Joey: Andie, we can walk out right now. I mean, there's still dignity in resigning. Andie: No, I'm fine. I can do this. Abby: So get off your butts and vote Chris and Abby, you'll enjoy the ride. She turns the announcement mic off. Abby: It's as locked up as Joey's father. Schedule says the Coo-Coo Bird and the Convict's Daughter are up next. Andie: I can do this. Joey: Ready? Andie nods. Joey pushes the button to turn the mic on. Andie can't say anything. Andie: I can't do this, I'm sorry. I just can't. Abby: Gosh, I hope it wasn't something I said. It was all in the name of good ol' fashioned politics. Chris: I'm going to go kiss some babes. Abby: It's babies you idiot. Chris: My way's a lot more fun. Pacey sighs and walks towards the chair in front of the mic. Pacey: Abby...so what's the deal here? he hits the mic 'on' button so the whole school can hear the conversation Why are you slumming as vice-president for that guy when you are so obviously the brains behind this campaign? Abby: I'll let you in on a little secret there, sport. I'm just using that walking penis for his popularity and ultimately, I'll destroy him. Cut to Dawson and Jen's reaction when they hear this. Abby: (cont.) Just like I destroyed your little girlfriend. It's just so easy. And victory's so much sweeter when you have to walk on other people to get it. laughs I'm going to rule this school. And you and all those other halfwits are too stupid to stop me. Pacey: Yeah, you're probably right, I mean, I'm so stupid that I didn't know that when I pressed this button on this little thing that your annoying nasal whine was broadcast over this entire school. Oh no, wait a minute, that's exactly what I meant to do, sorry! My bad. to Kenny School's yours, pal. Kenny: Yes! Cut to Dawson's house. Gail: Careful honey, I just mopped the floor it might still be a little damp. Dawson: Okay. Gail: Oh, if you want a snack, I made oatmeal cookies, and a cake. Dawson: Alright. Gail: Oh, will you look at this? There are dust bunnies the size of small children on this windowsil. Dawson: Mom, what are these? Gail: Um....divorce papers. Your father had me served this morning. Dawson: Are you okay? Gail: Uh, yeah. I'll be alright, honey. I'm moving on. Cut to the Icehouse. Joey's locking up and Jack walks up behind her. Jack: Can I walk you home? Joey: Sure. Jack: Joey, I owe you an apoligy. I mean, it's been a tough couple of days. I know that's no excuse for me acting like an ass. Joey: I wanted to be there for you, Jack....but you kind of shoved me off. Jack: Yeah, well, when things get rough I tend to go on (?), you know, protect the family, nobody else matters. It's kind of second nature. Joey: I understand, it's just...I wish you'd let me help you. Jack: Joey, um, I can't allow myself the luxury of opening up. I mean, with my brother gone and my father missing in action. My mother and my sister they depend on me, you know? To be the rock. And I don't know. Sometimes I feel like...I can't even explain it. It's like my whole life is one big secret. Joey: You know, when my mom was dying...I had this friend who was amazing, and you know, a lot of times...I didn't feel like talking and you know, we would just sit, sometimes for hours and never say a word, and you know what? It helped. It did because being in the same place I knew that everything was going to be okay. And towards the end when things got really bad, he would just reach out and hold my hand. She reaches for Jack's hand. Cut to Andie's house. Andie is in the bathroom and she's been crying. The phone rings. Andie: Hello....Hey Pacey...Yeah um...I'm feeling a lot better now. she opens the cabinet and you see a medicine bottle No..um, tonight? she reaches for the bottle I don't think so. she opens it and puts some in her hand Yeah, it's not a good time...Yeah, I'll be back to my old self tomorrow though...I promise...okay....bye. she gets a glass of water and takes the medicine. Cut to Jen's house. Jen: Dawson, what are you doing here? Dawson: Um..my parents are getting divorced. I just needed to talk to my sponsor. I'm in a bit of a quandry. All this perception and psychobabble has left me with quite a dilemma. And what do I do with this news? I knew it was over, you know? I mean all the signs pointed to it. I just...kept hoping that it wouldn't go there. But they have. So now, um, do I have a self aware adult reaction to it or should I allow myself to feel the hurt and the shock that a kid in my position would feel? You know...I-I...which should win here? My head or my heart? My emotions or my brain? What'll win out? Jen: What always wins out Dawson? Dawson? He starts crying. Jen: C'mere. Dawson: Thanks for being here. Jen: Thanks for letting me. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x09 - The Election"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 210 "High Risk Behavior" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: January 13, 1998 In this episode: It seems that love - or at least lust - is in the air in the usually sleepy town of Capeside. During much analysis of his autobiographical movie script, Dawson and Jen ponder their past romance and current friendship. Their frank discussions lead to Dawson's realization that romance, love, lust and passion are sometimes hard to separate. Meanwhile, Pacey and Andie move forward with planning Andie's ultimate fantasy scenario for losing her virginity. And, Joey agrees to let Jack pose nude for a sketch, which serves to heighten the mounting tension between them. Dawson's room: Focus on Pacey's face, which is staring intensely at someone...unseen at the moment. Pacey: I can't believe you're saying this. I mean, after all these years of hiding behind high-brow analytical posturing. Cut to Dawson's face. Intense as Pacey's. Dawson: I'm saying it. pause I love you. I know it's nonsensical. Pacey: Nonsensical? It's insane. We've known each other for 15 years and you couldn't find another time to freudian-slip this cat out of the bag?! Dawson: with complete honesty I've wanted to! So many times. You have no idea how long I've been wrestling internally with the psychological repercussions of my feelings. Pacey: stares down as if he's overwhelmed I need time to process this. I mean, my electrical synapses are on overload here. My brain is telling me one thing but my heart, it says another. It's telling me that I should consider the unequivical, highly irrational, possibly damaging, proposition...with deep feeling, looking into Dawson's eyes of loving you back. Dawson: Wait. leans in like he's going to kiss Pacey but quickly turns and reaches for some papers on his bed glancing over them You missed a line. You forgot 'hypnotically scarred'. Pacey: So if you want it done right, then you get an actor. I'm not exactly comfortable playing the girl here. Dawson: So what do you think? Think it would make a good movie? Pacey: You're writing too many syllables. I mean, what's with all the psychobabble insight? How many teenagers do you know that talk like that? Dawson: Grumbles, aside, do you think it would make a good movie? Pacey: Yeah...thinking..yeah..however, you did make Joey a little on the angry side, even for her. Dawson: It's not Joey. Pacey: Right. sarcastic That's not Joey, the guy's not you, and you're not disecting you two's relationship on the page just like every other narcissistic writer through history. Dawson: sighs Just tell me what you think. Pacey: I think it's dark. It's obtuse. It's very un-Dawson Leery. Dawson: Thank you. he gets up from his chair by the bed and walks over by his desk This is the first time I've been able to write something that's not just plot-driven but emotionally driven. Pacey: Congratulations. Revolving as an artist. Dawson: It's about time I took some risks, you know? Ride the edge a little. Pacey: Well, if that's the case, I do have one note. Dawson: hesitantly looks over at Pacey Which is? Pacey: I mean, why don't they have sex? I know you and Joey never did in real life but this is a film. You can write it any way you want. You know? Take the risky plunge. Dawson: Ah-ha! See, I have. Pacey looks skeptical. Dawson: (cont.) How many movies have you seen where a bunch of horny teenagers just...go at it like rabbits? I mean, that's the safe choice. Pacey laughs. Dawson: The riskier, edgier choice is to have them not do it. Pacey: Only you take your virginal insecurities and fear of deflowerment and turn them into "risky, edgy behavior." Dawson: Oh yeah, I have no problem being a virgin, alright? I'm sorry if my confidence in my convictions is discombobulates you. Pacey stares out in bewilderment. Pacey: Dis-com-bob-u-late. How many syllables is that? Dawson throws his script at Pacey Cut to Capeside High's frontyard. OVERVOICE OF JEN: Hey. We're holding auditions for a movie today. Hope you can make it. Cut to Dawson coming out holding a stack of papers heading towards...Jen. Dawson: Hey! Jen: Hey, you! Dawson: So how's interest? Are we going to have a turnout? Jen: Um, as a first-time producer...my instincts tell me that we're going to have a huge turn-out, Dawson. Dawson smiles Jen hands a guy a flier Jen: to the guy Hey, we're having auditions for a movie today. Come on by, alright? Dawson: You're such a natural. You're so good at this. Jen: laughs Well, thanks. Don't expect too much. I mean, I'm no Joey. Dawson: Well, hey, she had no experience either when she first started. You're going to be good. I have the up-most confidence in you. Jen: Well, thank you. Mr. Writer/Director. Dawson: laughs pointing at a guy Hey, be sure to give a flier to James Lowing, he'd be perfect for the lead. Jen: Ew. Dawson: Ew? Jen, he's like the classic, leading guy. He's kind, he's funny...he's self-effacing, he's Jimmy Stewart meets Tom Hanks. Jen: Yeah, and about as sexy as a bucket, Dawson. Dawson: Alright.. Jen: pointing to a dark-haired man with a mustache Now, Dave Fachelli, that's the leading man. Dawson: Excuse me? Jen: Yeah, he's like dark and brooding and Ray Liotta... Dawson: Sewer rat. I don't get it...no way. Jen: I'm just saying he's got a certain...appeal. Dawson: So? Jen: I mean, people don't always go to the movies to see their kind, sweet next-door neighbor. They go to see that slightly dangerous guy that they desperately want to sleep with but never will in real life. Sexy will always win out over nice. pause I'm just saying everyone casts Tom Hanks, you know? Try and make the less obvious choice. turning to another person with a flier Hey, movie auditions today. She walks off. Cut to Pacey entering the halls of Capeside High. He heads straight for Andie and holds a sheet in front of her. Pacey: clears throat Andie: Hey! reading the paper What's this? Pacey: The results of Pacey Witter's HIV test. Andie: You got tested? Pacey: You told me to. Andie: But you argued with me. Pacey: Andie, I always argue with you. It doesn't mean I don't listen. Andie: And...? Pacey: And it's negative! Which is positive in my book. Andie: Congratulations. I'm proud of you. Getting tested was...very responsible of you. Just don't think that now that we got tested we're going to....you know. Pacey: acting clueless What? Andie: frustrated You know... Pacey: No, I have no idea what you're talking about. Andie: Okay, uhm, you know, we haven't been very, uhm, lowers her voice physical, or anything and I'm not opposed to us becoming more...lowers again intimate, but I just want you to know that everything has a perfect place and time. Pacey: I didn't get tested to engage in uninhibited scrumping with you. I got tested for me. I don't want to jump in the sack with you. Andie: Oh. Why not, exactly? Do you not find me attractive? Pacey: Of course I find you attractive, Andie. Andie: But you don't want to? Pacey: Do you want to? Andie: Well, I asked you. Pacey: Well, I'm asking you back. Andie: You first. Pacey: I'd like to scrump with you any day of the week, okay? But we've got all the time in the world. There's no need to rush anything. Andie: Okay, I hear you and I concur. Pacey: Good. Andie: Good....but if it were the right time and place, you would want to, right? Pacey: Oh, hell yes! Andie: Alright. 'Til then. Pacey: Until.. Cut to Dawson handing out fliers by a picnic table where Joey is sitting at drawing. Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey. Dawson: holding fliers Movie auditions. Joey: motioning to drawing Art class. Dawson: notices her drawing of a man..naked. I see you've graduated from fruit bowls. Joey: We're doing life-sketching...nude models...so..we're supposed to see the human form, a mass of lines and shadows. Dawson: Really? Joey: I'm working on it. Dawson: And he does poses for you? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: Don't you find that uncomfortable? Just sitting in a room with some guy completely in the buff right in front of you? Joey: No.. Dawson: Does he like talk or anything? Joey: Oh, yeah. He sings, tells jokes, does a little softshoe. No, he doesn't talk, Dawson. He's a model. He sits there. He just takes breaks every now and then. Dawson: And Little Joey Potter doesn't blush? Joey: No. Dawson: Not even a little? Joey: Maybe a little... Dawson: raises eyebrows Just a little? Joey: knowing he's figured her out Okay, I've broken 12 pencils Dawson laughs Joey: BUT it's getting better. You'd be surprised, Dawson. I'm changing. I'm not Little Joey Potter anymore. Dawson: No, you're certainly not. Cut to Joey looking off in a distance to...Jen handing a flier to Chris. Jen: Auditions...come please... Back to Joey and Dawson. Joey: Jen's your producer? looking slightly irritated Dawson: Yeah...yeah, you're busy. Joey: looking at her art So what's your movie about? Dawson: hesitates. Um, young boy...comes of age...in a small town... Joey nods Joey: Well, good luck with it, Dawson. Dawson: Thank you, thank you! Gotta go! Time is money. Dawson takes off as Joey stares after him. Cut to inside the halls. Chris walks up to Abby. Chris: Hey! Are you going to audition for Dawson's movie? Abby: Participate in Dawson Leery's lame home video project? Doubtful. Why? Are you? Chris: I was thinking about it. I got the audition piece so I was looking through it. He's got financing. He's going to do the festival circuit. It would be an opportunity for some Hollywood-type exposure. Abby: Yeah, right! Are you have delusions of Brad Pitt-itis? Chris: I think I would make a good actor, actually. And actors get action, and I foresee a non-stop party. I was thinking maybe you and I could read together. Abby: You and me? Chris: Yeah, c'mon! We'd have some serious chemistry. Come on. Audition with me. Abby: Celebrate(?) elsewhere. I couldn't be less interested. She walks into the girl's bathroom. Cut to Joey back at her picnic table, Jack walks up behind her with a shake, looking at her drawing. Jack: Wow! Joey turns quickly noticing him then covers up her drawing. Joey: Don't look. Jack: Come on, I've seen a naked guy before, Joey. Joey: Yeah, but not drawn with the talent of a second grader, trust me. Jack: C'mon. Joey still covers it up. he starts tickling her Let me see it! Let me see it! Joey: Nooo. Jack looks at it. Jack: Wow. It's a good use of light and dark, especially around the side. I mean, it's very dramatic. Shading is excellent. Joey: in disbelief Really? Jack: Yeah. Lines are strong. Uh, everything seems to be in...proportion. Uh, you did a real nice job reaching up to point, he accidentily knocks his shake all over Joey's drawing, ruining it. Jack: Joey! Oh God! I'm sorry, Joey! I'm sorry! I'm sorry. Joey: I gotta go. She grabs her ruined drawing and leaves Cut to auditions, a girl with long red hair and huge eyes is auditioning. She is wayyy over-acting. Girl: I can't believe you're saying this. After all these years of high brow, analytical posturing. Cut to a football player with red hair, auditioning with no acting talent whatsoever. Guy: I love you....I know it's nonsensical. Cut to a blonde cheerleader reading the script really ditzy-like and it looks like she's chewing gum. Girl: Nonsensical? It's insane! We've known each other for 15 years. Cut to a sht of Dawson and Jen looking irritated and tired.* Girl: (cont.) Somewhere in there you couldn't find the time to voice fades out.. Cut to a curly-haired guy auditioning with glasses, putting way too much feeling into it. Guy: I've wanted to. So many times. But you have no idea how long I've wrestled internally with the psychological repercussions... Cut to a blond pierced guy just standing there not saying anything. Then cut to a girl crying, putting too much emotion into her role. More frustrated shts of Dawson and Jen. A girl with glasses just stares out blankly then widens her eyes.* OVERVOICE (Football guy from earlier): You have no idea how long I've been wrestling internally with the psychological reproductions. Cut to Dawson and Jen. Dawson is looking at Jen in disbelief. Back to stage where Football Guy and Cheerleader are reading together. Cheerleader: But my heart says something different. That I should consider the unequivical, possibly damaging her voice turns into an overvoice as you see another girl laughing at the script and a guy coughing during his audition, then it cuts back to them. highly irritional, hypnotically scarring, proposition of loving you back. She looks at the football guy chewing her gum like a ditz. Guy: long pause Cool. Cut to an extremely frustrated Dawson and Jen. Cut to Capeside High where we're at Joey's locker when Jack walks up. Jack: Listen, I'm sorry. Uh, can you save it? Joey looks at him and reaches into her locker and pulls out a picture that justs looks like a blur of charcoal on it. Jack: Oh, God. I'm sorry. Look, can I do anything? What? Joey: There's nothing you can do, Jack. It's due Thursday. I'm already the youngest and least experienced in the class and now I'm going to show up with an incomplete assignment. Jack: Can you redraw it? Joey: Not from memory. I mean, this is a nude man, Jack. I can't just recall it from thin air. pulling out drawing and looking at it The pose, the composition, the light, the shadows.You can't just recreate that. Jack: Um thinking, let me pose for ya. Joey: What? Jack: Yeah, no, I'm serious. Let me pose for you. No big deal. Joey: in disbelief You want to pose for me...naked. Jack: Uh huh...yeah. Joey: slowly putting the drawing back in her locker and shutting it Let me think about that...uh, no. Jack: Okay, uh, what happens if you don't turn it in? Joey: Look, I get an F, not to mention embarressment and feelings of tremendous inadequacy. Jack: Alright, then that's it, I'll pose it for you. Joey: No, you're not. Jack: 'Fraid about seeing me naked? Joey: Ah, the "Joey's a prude" tactic. Clever, but wrong. Jack: Alright, then what is it? Are you scared it might get sexual or something? Joey: Believe it or not, Jack, not every moment with you is sexually charged. Sorry. Jack: Well, then, there should be no problem. C'mon, I feel awful about this and I don't want you to fail your first art project because of me so let me help you. Joey: You're serious, aren't you? Jack: I'm dad serious. I have a huge deal about things like this. So don't feel weird, I don't. Joey: I don't know, Jack. I don't know if this is a good thing for us. Jack: Strictly professional, okay? C'mon, Joey. This is your art. Joey: Well, I guess the male form is just the male form... Jack: Good, it's settled. I'll come by your house tomorrow around 7....Yeah... Jack walks off as Joey looks off after him.* Cut to Capeside, a store. Andie is at the pharmacy. Pharmacist: There ya go, Miss. Andie: Thank you. Pharmacist: Be careful with the dosage, I put a pamphlet in there for you. Andie: I'm familiar with the drug, thank you. She turns around to find Pacey. She holds the bag behind her back. Pacey: Hello, McPhee, what's shakin'? Andie: Hey, Pacey! Hi... Pacey: Whatcha got in the bag? Andie: Uh..nothing. He takes it from her and looks in it and takes out the bottle. Andie: Pacey, please. Give it back. He starts reading the bottle. Pacey: 'Andrea McPhee, take two tablets a day, as directed. ZanX, 20mg.' ZanX, um, that's for severe depression and anxiety, right? It's like Prozac so... Andie: Uh, it's my mom's. We have the same first name. Andrea. Pacey remembers and regrets mentioning it. Pacey: Yeah..yeah.. Andie: Please, Pacey, she's getting better. Pacey: I'm really sorry. I didn't know. Andie: It's okay. Pacey: You're such a good daughter. Andie: What are you doin' here? Pacey: Nothing, um, just picking up some stuff. Andie: In the, uh, condom section? Pacey: fake laughs I had no idea! Andie makes a 'yeah right' face. Pacey: How odd. You don't think this is a sign, do you? Like the love gods are trying to help us out.. Andie: No, I think that would be you. Pacey: I'm just engaging in a little innuendo hoping that someday it will lead to something a little more tangible. Andie: Hey, I'm all for discovery the...physical side of Pacey Witter, I just don't know that I'm entirely prepared yet. Pacey: Well, hey handing her condoms, be prepared. Andie: Hey. Designed for that woman's extra pleasure. Yeah...how would they know? Pacey: Maybe they're designed by women. Andie: Oh. Good point. So, uh, should we get some? Pacey: surprised What? Andie: Well, you're right. We should be prepared. In case that mood strikes and we'll be ready. Pacey: Are you being serious? Andie: Yeah, we might as well have them on stand by. I mean, we can be adults about this.. Pacey: You're serious. Cut to Abby and Chris auditioning. Abby: Isn't there anyone else I can read with? Dawson: Abby, we're short on time. If you could just start on page 3, that'd be great. Chris: Sure, Dawson, but can I just ask a quick question? Dawson: What is it, Chris? Chris: I just...I don't understand why they don't ever do it. I mean, you have all the hot foreplay stuff, but they never hook up. Dawson: Right. Well, your character believes that sometimes true love goes behind that that's merely physical. Chris: See, yeah, that's just the part I don't get. Abby: Yeah, Dawson, I think you should rethink that part. It's a little petty. Jen: Okay, you know what, guys? Why don't we just keep moving? Chris: I've wanted to. So many times. You have no idea how long I've wrestled with the psychological repercussions of my feelings. Abby: I need some time to process here. My electrocal synapses are on overload. My brain says one thing but my heart says something else. That I should consider the unequivical, possibly damaging, highly irrational, hypnotically scarring, proposition of loving you back. Chris: Wait. He pulls Abby in for a deep kiss and she struggles and pulls away. Abby: What the hell was that you loveneck freak?! Chris: A kiss. It was in the script. Abby: That was your tongue in my mouth. Chris: Sorry, I was just getting into the role. Abby: You were trying to get into my pants. God, I'm going to be sick. She rushes out and Chris stands there before taking a bow. Chris: Shall I continue? Jen: That'll be all, thank you. Cut to Pacey and Andie walking out of the store Andie: I've put lots of fantasy thought into this, and I want my first time to be special. You know, the perfect evening. Like, dinner at a French restaurant, a romantic after-dinner stroll by the dock, and then onto a nice historic bed and breakfast. Pacey: A bed and breakfast? Andie: It's my fantasy, go with it. Lavender candles...and, uh, Sinatra, or somebody equally as old-style and romantic. Pacey: Ok. Schedule in bathroom breaks, or does the poor guy have to hold it all evening? Andie: Ok, I'm sorry, but deciding to lose my virginity is a huge deal, ok? I mean, I didn't hold onto it for 16 years just to lose it in one drunk fleeting moment in some skanky back seat of a late model american car, ok? Pacey: Damn! Somebody's leaking all my best lovemaking secrets. Andie: It's just that... I'm going to remember this for the rest of my life, and I just think that if we put a little planning into it, to ensure that it's worth remembering, it would be really nice. Pacey: I know how important the first time is. Believe me, of all people, I know. And I know with my tainted past, I might not be the most likely of candidates, but if and when you do decide it's the right time for you, I'd really like to be the one that helps to make it a memorable evening. Andie: Well, when you talk like that, it makes me want to jump you. Pacey: Oh, really? Andie: Yes. Cut to the place where auditions for Dawson's movie were. Dawson: It's just so frustrating to have this dream of making this movie, and actually get the money to make the movie, and then realizing that it still might not happen. Jen: Just like in the script. Dawson: What do you mean? Jen: I mean, you and Joey. You're in love with her for 15 years, and then when you're just about to have her, you lose her. Tragic. Dawson: The script is not about Joey. Jen: Dawson, give me a break. It reads like an autobiography. It's funny. I thought that... We had something, too, but... even with my flair for the dramatic, my role has been reduced to the first act. Dawson: Jen, you were important to me. You know that. Jen: Was I? Dawson: Absolutely. More than you know. Jen: Then I, I want to ask you something, Dawson. Since we're friends and all, um... what did you like about me? Dawson: What did I like about you? We have fun together... you know... I mean, you...you open me up to stuff. Skinny-dipping didn't suck. You know, you were... you were sexy. Jen: Were? Dawson: Are. Are. Jen: You know, I think that Chris and Abby are right about your script. I think that the 2 young lovers should do it. Dawson: standing up frustrated It's about romance, not sex. Jen: Who says that sex can't be romantic, Dawson? Come on. I mean, look at your target audience. Dawson: I wanted to make the less obvious choice. Jen: That's funny when you think about it. Dawson: What? Jen: Just that, if you hadn't gone for such an obvious choice of girl, maybe the ending to your script would have been a little less obvious. Dawson thinks as we cut to Joey's house as she sets out her art stuff. Jack: I'm coming out. he stands as she doesn't look at him Um... Jack McPhee reporting for duty. Where--where do you want me? Joey: still not looking at him Um, you could, uh, sit on the couch or, or the chair. Or you could stand, or I could move. Jack: Uh, why don't I just take the couch? Joey: Ok. Jack: You know, Joey, if--if you're uncomfortable at all, I--I can, you know, keep the towel on for a while, Just until we get loosened up. You know, you can kind of sketch around... it. Joey: Jack, I'm fine. You know, whatever. Jack: Uh, ok. He starts taking the towel off Joey: You know what? You're probably right. Maybe--maybe the towel is a good idea. I mean, it'll give me a chance to concentrate on the... the top part. Jack puts it back on and lays on the couch Jack: Oh, deja vu. This is just like that scene from Titanic. He laughs Joey: Oh, right. Yeah. Except I'm Jack and... you're Rose. Jack: Role reversal. I like it. he notices her nervousness Look, Joey, if you're not gonna make it, we can stop this at any time. Joey: You know, um... maybe if we just didn't talk. Um, the model in class kinda just sat and stared out the window. And, you know, since we are just... starting to get to know each other, I just... I'll admit it has made me slightly uncomfortable. Jack: Well...just imagine how comfortable we're gonna be around each other after tonight. She stares at her just started drawing and stops. Joey: You know, Jack, um... I can't do this. You know, I just don't think this is a good idea. I mean, I tried to be adult about this, and not behave like little Joey Potter, but the truth is, you know, I'm really not that experienced with... Um, a lot of things. And I really don't think I could handle seeing you naked right now, so if you could probably just get dressed and go home, that would... Jack: What about your sketch? Joey: Yeah, I'll figure out some way to fudge it. Jack: Are you sure? Joey: Yes, I'm sure! She accidentily knocks her easel over and Jack gets up to catch it and his towel falls off. Joey stares at 'it' for a second then looks away. Jack: Well, um... might as well stay now. Joey: Um timelapse Jack: So, uh...how's it look? Joey: thinking he's referring to something else "It"? noticing what he's referring to Oh, it's coming along fine. I'm sorry. Jack: And how you doing? Joey: Surprisingly well. You know, no sign of heart failure, so... it's actually...it's ok. It feels kind of... Jack: Natural? Joey: Um...sort of. It's more like an accomplishment. I know, this is something that most people would just assume that Joey could not do. Jack: Why is that? Joey: I mean, you see how I live. I don't get out much, and... I guess my life just seems kind of plain sometimes. Jack: Does that bother you? Joey: Um...yeah, sometimes. A good thing that I've discovered about this whole art thing is that it allows me to take chances, you know? I mean, this here is risky. Art is risky 'cause...you know, every time I draw or paint or take a class, I just... I feel like I'm doing something special. You know, just for me. Does that make sense? Jack: It feels dangerous. Joey: Yeah. Yeah. Why is that? Jack: Art is about a world of uncertainty, And that makes it scary. Joey: And what scares you? Jack: Sex. Cut to Jen seeing Dawson out walking the docks. She goes out to join him. Cut to Pacey and Andie eating in a restaurant. Cut back to Jack and Joey Joey: First time anxiety? Jack: Oh, no, no! I'm not a virgin. Joey: slightly disappointed Oh. So, um... have you done it a lot? Jack: Well, I've done it a total of, uh...once. CUT TO Jen and Dawson. Dawson: All I know is I'm really lucky to have you for a friend. I never could have gotten through those horrifically epic auditions today. Jen: It's my job. Dawson: No, that's above and beyond the call of duty. You must have heard those lines read so many times you have the whole thing committed to memory. Jen: Well, the good thing is, if you get really desperate, I could always play your leading lady. Dawson: Maybe you should have. Jen: Should have what? Dawson: Been my leading lady. Jen: You think? Dawson: Sometimes. Too much of the time. Cut to Jack and Joey Joey: Was it scary? Jack: Yeah. Joey: Don't feel bad. I mean, I haven't done it at all, and it terrifies me from afar, so... Jack: You know, it's not just that it was scary. I mean, that was part of it, but...I don't know, it's...it's hard to describe. You know, I'm not really that good at expressing myself. You know, I...I guess you found my...social flaw. Joey: Could you try? Cut back to Jen and Dawson Jen: I know you've got this notion that if you-- if you don't let your characters act on their desires, then you're making a stronger, riskier choice, but that's not real life. Dawson: But it's so obvious. I mean that... the story is much stronger if the characters resist their lust. Jen: But it's not real. True love is always fueled by lust, and people who care that much about each other will sooner or later end up having sex. Even people who don't care that much. And besides, this is 1998. Sex is always a risky choice. I just don't happen to believe that it's an obvious one. I think that intent and motive is what makes sex so interesting, Dawson. I mean, why do 2 people have sex? Ok, uh, so they're in love. That's obvious. Who cares? But they're in lust. Slightly more interesting. They're hurting over someone. They're in pain. Trying to forget someone. They're in denial. They're looking for a distraction. All of a sudden, sex has just become very interesting and not the obvious choice at all. Maybe you should think about a rewrite, Dawson. You've still got time. Cut back to Jack and Joey Jack: Really? You--you want to know? Joey: Yeah. I mean, not the gory details. Just...the feeling of it. Maybe you could describe it as if it were art. Jack: Well...at first, it's all a jumble of emotions. Uh, it's hard to pinpoint. It's--it's kind of like expressionistic painting. But, you know, if you get comfortable with it, it's--it's like the first time you see Van Gogh's "Starry night". It's the same sky you've always seen, but everything...is different. Bigger. More passionate. The blues, the yellows, the swirling stars. Everything has feeling, movement. Even the colors seem alive. It's like...lying on Monet's water lilies. It's the warmth of a Georgia o'Keefe flower wrapped around you... feeling everything so intensely. It's the power and strength of a Degas dancer, it's the passion of...Munch's "Scream," the-- Phone rings and Jack jumps and stares at Joey. You people know what he had. Cut to Pacey leading a blindfolded Andie into a room. Andie: Where are we? Pacey: Just wait. Andie: Pacey, you're scaring me. Where have you taken me? Pacey: Well, we just ate at Petite la Bistro, then we went for a stroll along the docks. Andie: Blindfolded, I might add. Pacey: So think about it. There's only one place we could be right now, isn't there? Andie: Pacey, if I take off this blindfold and we're standing in a bed and breakfast, you're dad. Pacey: Well...dispose of my remains now. He removes her blindfolded. Andie looks around the room.* Andie: Oh, Pacey. God, I don't know whether to be touched or terrified. Pacey: Hey, listen, you know, this night was not designed to reach the verdict of doing it. I just--I wanted to give you your fantasy evening. You know, a French dinner, a stroll along the docks, a bed and breakfast, romantic music. We can save doing it for another time. This is a step-by-step process. For me, too. Andie: Oh, Pacey. Pacey: What? What's wrong? Andie: I...I really want to do this. I mean... I'd be lying if I said I didn't. And...you're really special to me. But, uh, I... I don't--I don't think I'm ready for this right now. I mean, there's so much that's going on that you don't know about, and that I can't even begin to tell you, um, I...I can't do this. I'm sorry, Pacey. He hugs her. Pacey: It's okay. Andie: I can't do this. Pacey: Why? Don't worry. It's no big deal. I told you. We can wait. Honestly... I think I brought you here tonight as much for me as I did for you. I just wanted to give you your fantasy evening, you know, so... please don't be upset with me. You have no idea what you've done for me, just being in my life. I mean, you make me feel like maybe there's hope for my pathetic existence, and I don't have to sleep with you to feel that. I feel it right now, just holding you in my arms. God, I am so lucky. Andie: You know what, Witter? You make me want to do it. They start making out Cut to Dawson in his bedroom at his laptop. He's staring at it then he looks at a picture of Joey and sets it on his table. He deletes his ending. Cut back to Jack and Joey Jack: Listen, I'm really sorry. Joey: Listen, Jack, it's ok, you know, don't worry about it. Stuff happens. Although not usually that kind of stuff And usually not in the Potter living room. Jack: I didn't think it would be such a big deal for me to pose for you. Joey: Yeah, well... Jack: Listen, um... is this gonna screw things up with us? Joey: What do you mean? Jack: Well, I mean, I didn't want to bring sex in this evening, you know. All I wanted to do was help you. uh, I don't want you to think 'cause a...all this stuff...here we go again. Social flaw. Joey: Well, let's be honest with ourselves. Yes, we both came in here with the noblest of intentions. But, you know, at the end of the day, we're both human, and...there's something between us that's...you know, it's a...is your social flaw contagious? Jack: Uh, yeah... God, I was so naive to think that this was a good idea. Joey: No, I take full responsibility for this evening's turn of events. I mean, it's my fault. I asked to hear it. Jack: That's true. Actually, I think it was your fault. They laugh Joey: It's...it's just that, uh... I don't know. Tonight was a big step in the life of little Joey Potter. She didn't feel so little tonight. I guess I just tried to bite off a tad too much. Jack: Well, you were curious. Joey: Yeah. For all the big words and not wanting to hear the gory details, I guess I'm just wrestling with my hormones like everyone else. Jack: Well, um, you know, if you ever want to, uh, explore your curiosity...I'm available. Joey: First you're a model, now you're a tour guide. Jack: No. I'm just a guy who...finds it really hard not to want to hold you, and touch you, and I didn't really realize that until tonight when it was completely forbidden. Joey: moving closer to himYou have your clothes on now. Jack: You're saying it's not forbidden? Joey: No. I'm just saying it's, um...it's not as scary. Jack: Gee, thanks. She laughs Joey: No, you know what I mean. Jack: I think that, uh, 2 scared people...cancel each other out. Joey: Meaning? Jack: Meaning that tonight was a night of firsts, and there's no reason that it has to stop. They start kissing and it shows a close up of the drawing Joey drew of Jack. Dawson's crawling into Jen's window. Jen: Dawson? Dawson, what are you doing here? Dawson: I've been thinking about what you said about motive and intent. And love vs. hurt vs. lust vs. distraction. Jen: And? He kisses her Dawson: Don't ask my motive. Jen: I know better. They kiss more intensely Cut to Andie and Pacey who are kissing. Pacey pulls away. Andie: What's wrong? Pacey: Uh...you're not gonna believe this. Frankly, I don't really believe it, but... I don't want to do this. Yeah, I said that out loud, right? Andie: You don't want to? Pacey: Uh, no, no, I do. God, do I, but... Andie: So? Pacey: So, for once, Pacey Witter's raging hormones aren't going to do all the talking. And for once, I'm gonna do the right thing and...we're not ready for this, Andie. Andie: B-but I might be ready and... Pacey: Listen, at the risk of sounding like a really cheesy... after school special, when you're really ready, you'll know, and then we'll do this. Then we'll do this till the cows come home. But this thing is way too important for me to just fall back on the old "do now, think later" Pacey Witter approach. You know what the really risky thing for me to do is? It's to not have sex. I mean, maybe that way I'll have some resemblance of a real relationship. So...you take all the time you need, 'cause I'll be here. Andie: There you go again, Pacey. Just making me want to do it even more. They kiss Pacey: Mmm...it's all part of my evil plan. Andie: Mmm. Pacey: Come on. I'll drive you home. Cut to Joey and Jack kissing on Joey's couch then cut to Jen and Dawson making out on her bed, then cut back to Pacey and Andie exiting the Bed and Breakfast . They hold hands and walk to Pacey's car as "To Be Continued" appears on the screen.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x10 - High Risk Behavior"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 211 "Sex, She Wrote" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: January 20, 1999 In this episode:When the meddlesome Abby discovers a crumpled but heartfelt note, written by someone who has just had sex, to their "partner in crime," she decides that figuring out who these two are is perfect fodder for her English class report on the mystery genre. Abby particularly relishes the fact that all of her "suspects" will be subject to public humiliation once she presents her findings in class - one they all attend. After some investigation, Abby decides to solve her mystery a la Hercule Poirot, and sends mysterious invitations to a late-night meeting in the English classroom to all suspects. When Joey, Jack, Dawson, Jen, Pacey and Andie arrive, they realize that they've been trapped. Tension builds as they all squirm, and embarrassing revelations and accusations fly, but the end result is a big surprise to all. Joey and Jack are outside of Joey's house Joey: Well, do you have everything? Jack: Yeah, I think so.. Joey just nods nervously and awkwardly. Joey: 'Kay...well...thanks for posing for me. Jack: Yeah..sure... Cut to Dawson and Jen on Jen's porch. Jen is still in her nightgown. Jen: That was an unexpected encounter. Dawson: I don't know what came over me. I just...I wanna say-- Jen: Dawson, before we, um, disect what just happened, um, why don't we give it like 12 hours, okay? Dawson: Okay. Cut to Pacey and Andie, standing at the side of the car, kissing. Cut to Joey and Jack, still in the same spot Jack: You don't have any..regrets, do you? Joey: shakes her head no while smiling No. Jack: That's good. Jack leans in and they kiss as we cut back to Dawson and Jen. Dawson: See you tomorrow? Jen: 'K. Goodnight, Dawson. Dawson: Goodnight, Jen. He leans in and kisses her on the forehead. Then, heads back to his house. Cut to Pacey and Andie. Andie: Thank you. Pacey: Thank you. Andie: laughs No, thank you. Pacey: No, really, thank you. Andie: No, really, thank you. Pacey: I insist, thank you. She turns around and faces him Andie: Thank you. She walks towards her house. Cut to Joey and Jack. Jack is walking down the stairs. He waves goodbye as we cut to Joey's face, obviously thinking about what happened. Cut to Pacey, staring after Andie. Cut to Jen staring outside. Cut to opening credits. Cut to Mr. Peterson's class, Dawson is giving his presentation on "mysteries in literature" but he's showing a film. He pauses the film. The lights are off only the lamp on the podium is on. Dawson: So, we can conclude that film mysteries don't differ from literary ones, at all. The genre's still constructed in three sections: the setup, the testimonies, and the classic day neu mof (sp?) where all the characters are gathered in one room while the likes of Charlie Chan or Miss Marbalt (?) give their final monologue revealing the kller's identity. The key to solving any great crime is a practical understanding of human behavior. For it is there, that the motives are discovered and the greatest truths are revealed. And, remember, you never know when a mystery will find you. He shuts off the light and there's a loud scream as Mr. Peterson turns the lights back on.* Mr. Peterson: Thank you, Dawson. Your flair for the dramatic is always in some small degree appreciated. I think we have time for one more...Abby! What incredible insight do you bring to the mystery genre? Abby: Actually, Mr. Peterson, I don't have my project. You see, the most tragic thing occurred while I was working on it. Our family pet, a very temperamental schnauzer named Giggles, got underneath the bathroom sink and chewed up a whole box of chocolate-flavored laxatives that my dad sometimes needs. So anyways, Giggles ate the whole box and he bled to death, internally. Apparently, chocolate laxatives are toxic to dogs. Mr. Peterson: It's a shame, Ms. Morgan, that you can't find a more productive outlet for your creative lying. Abby: I'm not lying. Mr. Peterson: Please, let's just stick to the fundamentals. The alphabet. The letter 'F'. If you don't turn in your project, I'll see to it that you fail this course. bell rings Mr. Peterson: Tomorrow, we are hosting a book fair in the school cafeteria. I remind you, as literary scholars, your attendence is mandatory. As Chris was getting up to leave, he spotted a folded note on the ground a couple of desks up. He goes up and grabs it and reads it. He looks a little surprised and looks around. Cut to the cafeteria. Joey and Jack are sitting together. Jack: So, uh, are we ever going to speak again? Joey: I hope so. Jack: Why's it so awkward? Joey: Mmm, I can answer that for 200, Bob! Cut to Pacey opening his textbook when Andie comes up behind him and covers his eyes. Andie: Hey, Mr. Witter, how are you? They start kissing when Pacey stops. Pacey: I--you know, um, we probably shouldn't do this right here. Andie: I'm sorry. I just had a major lust issue where you're concerned. Thanks for last night. You were a perfect gentlemen. And I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Pacey: Glad I could be of service. I had a nice time, too. Andie: Good. Cut to Dawson sitting down by Jen in the cafeteria. Dawson: Hey! Jen: Hi. Dawson: How are ya? Jen: Fine...you? Dawson: Great. reaches into bag for a manila envelope, handing it to Jen. My, um, script. New and improved. I got home last night, and I tooled around some changes. I think they'll address your concern. Jen: Let me guess, they do it, huh? Dawson: Um, actually, the so-called Dawson character does it with the beautiful VCR screwed up from the big city he has a crush on. I made the changes per our last conversation. Jen: Per our last conversation or per our last physical encounter? Dawson: Let's just say you inspired me. Cut to Abby and Chris in line in the cafeteria. Abby: If I had a gn, Mr. Peterson would be dad. If I fail English, I have summer school hell! Chris: Did you have sex last night? Abby: Are you talking to me? 'Cause if you are, that's a Non Sequitor I'm choosing to ignore. Chris: Well, somebody's going at it. I'm just trying to figure out who it is. Abby: What are you talking about? Chris hands her the note he found. Abby: "I want to talk to you about last night. The whole night was amazing, but sex changes everything. And I think we should take some time before anything happens again." Where'd you find this? Chris: On the floor, in Mr. Peterson's class. Abby: I don't recognize the handwriting. Did you see who dropped it? Chris: No. Cut to Jack and Joey. Jack: Did you finish your drawing? Did you turn it in yet or.. Joey reaches down and comes back up with a big blue folder, she opens it but Jack shuts it quickly. Jack: Wo! Hey! Leaving my shameless nature has it's threshhold. It's one thing posing naked in the quiet of your living room, but in the cafeteria? No. Uh-uh. Joey: Jack, don't worry. This is strictly for my professor's eyes only. He scoots in closer and then looks at it. Jack: Do you think I could have it? After you're done? You know, as a keepsake? Joey: Why so you can remember your 15 minutes of fame as a male model? Jack: So I can remember everything about last night. Cut to Andie and Pacey. Andie: What's this? Pacey: It's nothing. Just my history quiz. Andie: Oh, so what'd you get? Pacey: Never you mind. Andie: No, really, what did you get? Pacey: It's none of your business. Andie: What's wrong, Pacey? Pacey: Nothing. Andie: Is it a bad grade or is it me? I mean, you're not upset about last night, are you? Pacey: No, last night was fine. Um.. Andie: Look, I know that things...escalated in our relationship and a lot was said and done that-- Pacey: Andie, can we (missed word) with this...for right now? Please? It's just, you know, I have to study. You want me studying, right? Andie: Yeah, but more importantly, I don't want you to turn into some stereotypical guy that turns off and shuts down as soon as a relationship starts to progress. Pacey: I'm not shutting down, okay? It's just, I'm really behind and uh, I have to study. You understand that right? Andie: Yeah... Cut to Dawson and Jen. Jen: So you're okay with everything? Dawson: Completely fine...are you? Jen: Yeah. I'm fine. I was just more worried about you. Dawson: Don't be. Last night was last night. Today we have a movie to make so...we're still friends. And whatever word applies to what we are. Jen: Friends. Or whatever. Cut back to Abby and Chris. Abby: This is it! This is what I'll do for Peterson. Instead of deconstructing some literary convention, I'll solve my own real-life mystery. It's original, it's creative, it's so Abby Morgan. Chris: And what's the mystery? Abby: Who wrote this letter? Who had sex? Chris: Yeah, but there's like 20 people in that class. It could be anyone. Abby: Common sense eliminates 90% of them.When you think about it, there's only three likely couples. The most obvious being Pacey and Andie. Chris and Abby turn to look at them. Pacey's sexually experienced, as we all know, and Andie's fallen head-over-heels in love with him. Insanity runs in her family. Chris: Yeah... Abby: Then, there's Joey and Jack. their attention switches to them. They share their whole artistic vibe. Progressive...uninhibited...experimental.. Chris: And Joey's got her hot little angle. Abby: Then, there's Dawson and Jen. Chris and Abby look at them. He's on the rebound and, God knows, she likes to bounce. Chris: What about you? Do you like to bounce? Abby: disgusted Chris, your lines land like bricks. Look, I'm going to need your help on this. You're going to have to document this thing. Chris: Why? Out of the goodness of my heart? Forget about it. Abby: I'll let you touch me in bad places. Chris: Okay. Cut to Dawson and Joey standing outside of the school under the ledge, sheltered from the rain. Dawson: Hey. Joey: Hey, Dawson. Looks like scary weather. Dawson: Yeah, I heard it's supposed to rain for the next couple days. What ya got there? motioning towards blue folder Joey: Oh this? Drawing for art class. Dawson: A naked man? Joey: Yeah. Dawson: How'd it turn out? Joey: Naked. laughs Dawson: Can I see it? Joey: Ummm how's the movie coming, Dawson? Dawson: Um, still casting. We can't seem to find a leading lady. Joey: Why is that? Dawson: Well, it's difficult. The part requires a certain mixture of spirit and passion, wide-eyed innocence, and unparalleled external beauty. Joey: Well, it sounds like you're looking for a Julia Roberts. Dawson: What I need is a you. silence Joey: Dawson, is this movie about us? Dawson: It's a drama in the vain of us. Joey: Well, I should read it don't you think? I mean, make sure it's not a character assasination. Dawson: Jo, I would never write anything hurtful about you, ever. I hope you know that. Joey: Yeah.. Dawson: Looks like I should probably make a break for it. Thanks for waiting out in the rain with me. Joey: Anytime. She stares after him as he walks off. Cut to Abby and Chris and Chris' locker. Abby: Have you seen Dawson's rewrite? We have sex. It's disgusting. Chris: Yeah...so when do you want to practice? Abby: Chris, I have a finger I'd place in my mouth for vomiting. My point was this is the closest thing we have to a clue in our little Who Screwed It? Now, I'm going to need your help with the necessary questioning. Chris: What? You're just going to ask these guys if they had sex? Abby: No! You can't ask them directly. You just have to shake the tree a little bit. See what falls out. Jen: from offscreen Hey you guys! Abby: to Chris Watch. Jen appears. Jen: Um, I'm trying to work out a rehearsal schedule for the film...so I'm going to need you guys to fill these out with your availibility schedules for the next few weeks and get them back to me ASAP, alright? Abby: So Jen, I just had the pleasure of reading Dawson's rewrites and I noticed some significant alterations. Mainly, one of the kinkiest sex scenes since Mickey Rourke cracked open the refridgerator in 9 1/2 weeks. Jen: Alright, Abby, before you go there-- Abby: No, I'm already there, Jen. You see, since Dawson's movie is mostly autobiographical, I was wondering if some of my new scenes were acted out before they were written. Jen: It really doesn't take too much to ship your hyper-creative mind into overdrive, does it? Abby: Oh, no! This isn't just based on assumption. People do hear things. Like about the other night. Jen: What about it? Abby: You tell me. Does Dawson Leery have any other talents besides filmmaking? Jen: Abby, what happens in my bedroom, is my business, okay? Abby: Your bedroom? Is that where the critical events unfolded? Jen: I didn't say that. Abby: You didn't refute it either. Jen, it's written all over your post-coital, glowing face. You finally wooed the Wonderboy into the dark side. So was it worth all the pining? All the feeling that you weren't good enough? Jen: Yeah, it was. Jen walks into her classroom. Chris comes up behind Abby. Chris: My God, you did it! You got her to break. Abby: Yeah, right. A sexual confession from Jen Lindley? Please. That's like Bill Gates admitting he made $2 last year. No, our work is far from over. We still have to find out who's handwriting was on that letter. Cut to Abby and Pacey's locker. She's holding a clipboard and a pen. Pacey: What's this? Abby: I know you can read, Pacey. It's a petition. Pacey: For what? Abby: A school condom dispenser. I'm collecting signatures. Pacey: You're too much, Abby. Abby: Teenagers, these days. We're just growing up so fast. Sex is everywhere. Like, you know, with you and Andie. Pacey: Hey, you know, tell me, Abby. What would it take to make you a distant memory? She holds out the clipboard and the pen, smiling. Cut to Abby following Jack. Abby: All I'm asking for is a signature, a little John Hancock, and I'll be gone. Jack: The only thing I'd support of yours is your execution. Abby: Careful Jack, some may take that caustic edge as a biproduct of serious sexual repression. Speaking of which, have you had sex with Joey? Jack: stops walking You've got to be kidding me. Cut to Chris and Dawson Chris: Since your life seems to be infested in this role, I thought I'd pick your brain a little. Dawson: Okay...sh*t. Chris: Okay, well, the sex scene, for instance. Clearly took from life experience. Dawson: Your point? Chris: Well, I just wanted to know what it was like. The first time. I mean, it's been so long since my own first adventure in the jungles of love. I thought I'd ask a newcomer. Dawson: Wait, you think that I had sex with Jen? Cut back to Jack and Abby.* Abby: Wait, so you didn't have sex with her? Jack: Yes! Abby: You did?! Jack: Yes! No, no! Yes, I did not have sex with Joey. Look, go away, you're demented. Cut back to Chris and Dawson. Chris: I'm just going by what I hear. Dawson: And who's the source this time? Chris: Well, if you and Jen were the only two in her room...who do you think it is? Cut to Abby talking to Andie who's holding the petition. Abby: Sign it for all womanhood. Most women don't have the knowledge you do about protecting themselves. Andie: My knowledge? Abby: You can play the whole demure, injenue from Road Island with another audience because I know everything. Andie: disbelieving You do? Abby: Yeah. Like about the other night. It's the property of gossip transference. Pacey brags to Dawson, Dawson tells Jen, Jen tells me, I tell the world, you know how it goes. Andie: And the current piece of gossip revolves around Pacey and me? Abby: Andie, I really don't want to be the one to impart on you that your boyfriend says you're lacking. It's not your fault that all his experience is with a 40-year-old teacher. What does he expect from you? Andie slams the clipboard down and storms off. Cut to Chris and Joey. Chris: motioning to script It's a good read. Recently he did some heavy-duty revisions. Put in a little lucky...well, I don't want to give away the ending. Joey: Look, Chris, I should wait until he asks. Chris: Tell you what? I'll just slip it in your bag right here and you make the call. Joey: Whatever. Chris: Oh and Joey, you might want to keep it on the QT. She walks out of the room. Chris looks under the table and finds a familiar large blue folder as Abby enters. Abby: Who do I have to sleep with to solve this mystery? Chris: I can think of one option. Abby: Yeah, right. Chris motions to the folder. Abby: Hm, Miss Potter seems to have left something behind. They look at the drawing of Jack, naked. Abby's eyes light up. Abby: And the plot thickens. Cut to Dawson's room. Dawson is looking at his script and rubbing his temples when Abby enters the doorway and knocks. He turns. Dawson: Abby. Abby: You should really work on making those greetings more personable, Dawson. Dawson: Look, Abby, I don't know what you're up to, but I'm not in the mood. Abby: That's not what I hear. Dawson: Really? Well, I know what you're implying, and I'm telling you, despite any and all rumors, Jen and I did not have sex. Abby: face drops That's too bad. Dawson: I'm fine with it, actually. Abby: No, I mean, for Joey. She must be feeling like crap right now. I mean, here she went and slept with Jack and the only thing protecting her from the oodles of guilt that one amasses from such a critical event was the slight chance that you and Jen bumped uglies. Dawson: I don't know where you're going with this conversation, but I'm ending it. Abby: You know what? You're right. I should just give you this and go. She hands him a folded up piece of white paper Dawson opens it and it's the drawing of Jack. Dawson: This means nothing. Abby: Except the obvious. Has Joey ever drawn you naked? Dawson: Out! She heads toward the door. Abby: Jack McPhee drawn naked, Dawson Leery drawn out of the picture. After all these years, you weren't Joey's first. You're certainly not going to be her last. So I guess that makes you her...nothing. Dawson slams the door. Cut to hallways of school. Mr. Peterson: over P.A. The book fair is now commencing, expand your horizons. Read a book today, because there's more to life than Must See TV. Abby and Chris walk out Abby: Don't we have enough to read for school? They want us to start reading for pleasure? Chris: Don't you look ample today. Abby: Hands off! I don't want to catch any of your diseases. Chris: So...whodunit? I'm beginning to think they all did it. Abby: We'll find out soon enough. The day neu moi is rapidly approaching. Chris: The day neu moi is for revealing answers, Abby. You don't have any. Abby: You underestimate me. You heard Dawson, "The secret to solving a mystery is gaging human behavior." If I make them think I have the answers, the answers will be forthcoming. hands some letters to Chris Make sure these get into the right hands, and be discreet about it. Chris: You know who you are, you're Nancy Drew. From Hell. Abby: And don't you forget it. Cut to the book fair. Pacey: Hey McPhee. You got a second? Andie: I'm busy. Pacey: Yeah, I know but I need to talk to you. Andie: Really? Apparently, you've been doing enough talking for both of us. Pacey: Excuse me? Andie: You know, it's interesting that I get the cold, shut-down, non-verbal, Pacey while the rest of Capeside gets a taste of return of Pacey Witter, underachieving, town-latthario. Pacey: Listen, I know you're probably freaked out by my weirdness yesterday, and actually, that's why I came in here to talk to you but you're kind of losing me on everything else. Andie: What have you been saying to people about us Pacey? Pacey: About us? Nothing. Andie: That's not what Abby Morgan says. Pacey: C'mon, Andie. Since when do you listen to what Abby Morgan has to say? Andie: She knows. Pacey: About? Andie: The other night. Pacey: What? Andie, what's to know? You and I shared a wonderful, romantic evening. Andie: If you weren't happy with me or what happened the other night you should have made it clear instead of spreading all this sexual propaganda all over school. Pacey: Are you kidding me? Andie: The other night, it was personal. And the fact that there's some wr-provisioness version of it wafting all over the hall makes me think someone's been talking. And makes me really not want to talk to you right now. Pacey: Okay, if that's what you think, then I guess we really don't have anything to talk about. He walks out of the book fair and Andie returns behind the counter of the library desk and finds a letter left for her. Cut to Jen looking at some books. She bends down to the lower half of the rack and Joey's right across from her.* Joey: Hey. Jen: Hey. she notices Dawson's script hanging out of Joey's bag So that's Dawson's script, huh? Joey: Oh, yeah...she pushes the bag back and still doesn't make eye contact with Jen. Jen: So did you read it yet? Joey: kind of angrily I flipped through it. Jen: So what'd you think? Joey: I thought it was a one-sided view of a story that would be better left untold. Jen: I take it you don't like the way you're depicted. Joey: looks her in the eye That and I'm just wondering what other parts of the script are autobiographical. Jen: Well, maybe you should talk to the writer about that. Joey continues to give her a cold stare as Jen walks off. Cut to a note reading JACK on the front taped to a locker as Jack grabs it off and kneels down to look at it. Dawson walks up. Dawson: coldly Have you seen Joey? Jack: She's at the book fair. Dawson: Well, since you two seem real close these days, you'll probably see her before I will. Jack: Is there an animosity of a point here, Dawson, or is this just another chance for you to harass me over a decaying issue? Dawson: deadly cold Give her this for me. Tell her I was overwhelmed. By her talent. handing him the piece of paper of the drawing of him. Jack: So was I. Dawson storms off. Cut to school, it's lightning and raining outside. Cut to Jack in Mr. Peterson's classroom, pacing reading his invitation. Jen enters. Jen: Hellloooo. sees Jack Jack? What are you doing here? Jack: I got an invitation, taped to my locker, it says: "Your presence is requested in Mr. Peterson's room, 7pm. I have something very valuable that may belong to you." Jen: Yeah, I got the exact same invitation. Andie enters. Jack: Andie? Andie: What are you doing here? Jack motions to his invitation as Pacey and Joey enter. Pacey: I see you all got the mysterious summons, too. So what's going down? Is this some impractical joke or what? Joey: That's what I wanna know. Pacey: sighs You know, I have this horrible feeling I know exactly who's behind this. Dawson enters. Dawson: Who? Could you tell me what's going on? Abby enters the room. Abby: Oh, look! All my favorite people gathered together in one room and I forgot my camera! Dawson: I should've known. Chris enters with a camcorder Abby: laughs Oh, no I didn't! Jen: Okay, Abby, what devious scheme have you hatched up this time? Abby: All good things come to those who wait, but you've never been very good at postponing pleasure, have you? Pacey: Why did you bring us here Abby? Take part in one of your Satanic rituals? Abby: Actually, it's my mystery project. In my possession, I have a letter. A lost letter. That was written by one of you in this room to another one of you in this room. Stop me if you've heard this before. "I want to talk to you about last night. It always comes out wrong so I thought I'd write it down. The whole night was amazing, but having sex changes everything and I think we should take some time before anything happens again." Joey: You know, this is absurd, I am so outta here. Abby: Oh, come on, Joey! Don't you want to stick around and see who the author of this letter is? She takes a seat as Abby goes up to the podium. Abby: Sex. The world's greated mystery. Philosphers, poets, scientists over time have tried to rationalize it, explain it, glorify it, criminalize it! Dawson: Spare us the monologue. Jen: Could you just get to the point, Abby? Jack: Who wrote the letter? Abby: Who wrote the letter? Abby goes down and turns on the lights. Abby: That's all you care about, isn't it?! Fine! When the letter was first brought to my attention...my gut instinct said 'Dawson and Jen.' She's been trying to seduce him for weeks! And now with all their late night working sessions and him reliving his puny affair with Joey through his writing, I thought, maybe in the heat of the moment, he needed a Joey replacement. Then, I thought, Dawson, no way. He's saving himself for Joey...or old age, whichever comes first. And Jen? She has way too many intimacy issues to bump somebody she cares about. So my next guess was Jack and Joey. Joey is the liberated woman these days and underneath Jack's sensitive, little-boy-lost fascade, I have a feeling that there's a sex pig just waiting to jump out. softer to Jack Let me know when you're ready to graduate to a real woman. Jack: You're sick and so wrong. Dawson: Is she? We've all seen the picture. Joey: What? You don't know what you're talking about, Dawson, that drawing was for art class. Dawson: What happened after the model session? Joey: What do you care? Dawson: Maybe I don't. Abby: Here we go, get this, Chris. Joey: Oh, that's right, you're too busy rewriting your script to imitate life. I know all about you and Jen. Dawson: What do you care?! Abby: How sad. Romantic destiny fulfilled with the wrong people. Dawson: Abby, you have it all wrong! Abby: Oh, so you didn't have sex with Jen? Dawson looks at Joey. Then, Jen. Joey: Well, answer the question, Dawson. Tell the truth. Dawson: The truth is you slept with Jack. Joey: Maybe I did. Dawson: Well, maybe I slept with Jen. Abby: This is good. Joey: You did, didn't you? Dawson: Did you? Joey: Maybe. Dawson: Tell the truth, Joey! Joey: No you tell the truth! Dawson: I asked you a question first! Joey: No I asked you a question first! Dawson and Joey (simultaneously): YES!!!!!! Lightning crashes as both Joey's and Dawson's faces drop and there's a long silence Jen: That's not the truth. We did not sleep together. I couldn't go through with it and neither could he. It wasn't right and this pathetic display here makes it all the more obvious why. Dawson sits on his desk not facing Joey. Jack: We didn't either. Dawson turns around Your little assumption, Dawson. It was wrong. We couldn't go through with it. This little movie-life your living, Dawson, is not endanger. Pacey's head is laying flat on his desk. Abby: Well, then we only have one couple left. Abby reads from the note:* "Sex changes everything, and I think we should take some time before anything happens again." This only leaves Andie. Andie: I didn't write that! Abby: Of course you didn't. I checked the handwriting. It belongs to Pacey. Pacey looks up at Andie. Andie: You wrote that? he doesn't make a move Well, did you, Pacey? Pacey slowly nods. Andie: starting to cry Why? he doesn't say anything Okay, so that's why you've been so weird lately. That's why you've been so cold. Pacey shakes his head no What are you trying to say, Pacey? So you sleep with me and you don't want me? Pacey just sits there. Andie: You disgust me. Pacey closes his eyes as she storms out of the room. He gets up and walks over to Jack. Pacey: That's not how it is. The group starts leaving. Abby: Did you get that? Chris gives her a thumbs up as Abby turns around and looks a little shocked as Jen walks up to her. Jen: I don't know where you come from or just who has the misfortune of being responsible for your existence but you are a lying, manipulative, and cruel person and the fact that you're only 16 years old makes me feel more sorry for you than any of the people in this room who's lives you're so intent on destroying. You are pathetic. Jen walks off as Abby looks off into the distance. Cut to Joey giving her presentation. Joey: Because of her well-drawn sleuths and clever mysteries, Agatha Christie will remain as the premiere woman mystery writer of the past, present, and future. Thank you. Mr. Peterson: Very good, Josephine. Now, Abigail. She pulls out a thick red folder and a tape and sets it on her desk as Joey, Dawson, Andie, Pacey, and Jen intently watch her. Mr. Peterson: (cont.) Is it possible Ms. Morgan that you're going to surprise me with your assignment? Is it possible that you've finally decided to do something good for yourself and apply a little integrity to your education? Abby looks around at Joey, Dawson, Andie, Jen, and Pacey. She puts the folder and tape back under her desk. Abby: I wouldn't want to disappoint you, Mr. Peterson. I didn't do it. And integrity, just for the record, is a tired notion last seen in the late 70s. Mr. Peterson: Well, then, I'm sure lack of integrity will make it easier to accept your 'F'. Abby looks miserable. Mr. Peterson: Just for the record. And who is next...Miss McPhee. Andie gets up with her stuff and walks past Abby. Andie: Thank you. Abby: Whatever... Cut to Jack in an empty classroom, pulling down a chair and he sits in it. Jen enters the room. Jen: Hey. Jack: Hey. Jen: What are you doing here? School's over. Go home. Jack: Nah, I'm just, um, thinking. Jen: About what? Jack: How it's not that much fun playing second string. Jen: I know what you mean. Don't worry, you'll get used to it. I have. She starts to leave but he pulls down another chair. Jack: Uh, here, have a seat. Jen: Okay. Jack: So, um, what are you gonna do about Dawson? Jen: Well, I guess there's really nothing I can do. I mean, as much as I love the guy, he's just not there yet. I mean, I can take all the jerks in the world climbing in and out of my bedroom window, but when Dawson Leery does it, it better be for me. Jack: That is so cool how you can just unleash all that onto someone you barely even know. Jen: Or just crazy. Jack: No. I wish that I could be more open like that. Jen: Well, why don't you give it a sht? Why didn't you and Joey do it? Jack: laughs nervously* I can't say. Jen: Come on, you can think of it as growth. Come on, you've got to tell me, sh*t. Jack: No. Jen: Oh, c'mon, I just spilled my guts to you. Go for it. Jack: Okay, alright, but you promise not to say anything to anyone. Jen: Swear. Jack: 'Kay 'cause you know...it's really embarressing. Jen makes the sign she's crossing her heart.* Jack: he leans in towards her I couldn't, uh, get it up. Jen: You couldn't get it-- Jack: Shh! Jen: Oh, I know, I know. So what happened? Jack: I can't speak for Joey but I really wanted to, really badly, and it just wouldn't cooperate. I mean, I couldn't even take my clothes off because I was so scared. Maybe I have a problem...I don't know. Jen: No, hey, it's okay. Alright, believe me. I've been there. Oh yeah, those things just never cooperate. They laugh Cut to Pacey running towards Andie in the rain. He gets in her car. Andie: Get out. Pacey: We're not done. Andie: Oh, yes, we are. Pacey: I know that my behavior lately has been a little bit confusing and I'm sorry for being so cold and so distant, but a lot of stuff has been happening. I mean, I don't even know really where to start. Andie: You can start by getting out of the car. Pacey: How about I start at the truth. He digs around in his bag and pulls out a piece of paper and gives it to her My history quiz. I never told you my grade. Andie: Pacey, you got a-- Pacey: An 'A'. I got an 'A'. The first 'A' I've ever gotten in my entire life. It kind of threw me for a loop. Andie: Why? You worked so hard for it. Pacey: Because it changes everything. Don't you see everything's always been so predictable for me. But now, my whole life's course is changing. Ever since you and I had sex, I've felt anxious, you know? Wondering should we have waited? Should we slow down? Wondering if it was the right thing to do. Wishing that I had taken the high road, and that's not me! You know? It used to be the only comforting part about Pacey Witter is that I always knew what to expect, and now I don't have a clue and I'm terrified. And that's why I was pulling away from you. Andie: It's okay to be scared, Pacey. The world is a scary, scary place. But I don't want you to be scared of me. Pacey: How can I not be, Andie? You're the one that's opening up this whole new life for me. I'm afraid that... Andie: What? Pacey: I'm afraid because you're the single-most, important being to ever grace my existance. Andie, I am falling hopelessly in love with you. silence Say something because I did kind of just cut it open and lay it out for ya. Andie: Yeah, that was pretty scary. Pacey: That's it. That's all you have to say. Andie: No. I'll say that I share your fear. Pacey: Yeah? Andie: Your exact fear. They kiss. Cut to Joey at her locker as Dawson walks up to his. They're close to each other but don't say anything. JOey finishes and starts to walk away when Dawson stops her. Dawson: You and I crisects til we're blue in the face but when it comes time to actually doing it, all we're left with is a couple of harmless kisses. I mean, the setting was right, the timing was perfect, but nothing happened. Why? Joey: I know why. Dawson: You do? Joey: Yeah. The same reason nothing happened with me. Dawson, it's not about the perfect setting. It's not about the perfect timing. Um, it's about the perfect person. She walks out and heads for the door as Dawson stares after her. Joey is outside under the ledge sheltered from the rain. Dawson comes out. Joey: Hey. silence Dawson: Why did you want me to think you slept with Jack? Joey: I don't know. I mean, I guess the same reason you wanted me to think that you slept with Jen. Dawson: That's not an answer. Joey: Well, that's the only answer you're going to get I guess. Dawson: I'm glad you didn't. Joey: I glad you didn't either. Dawson: Joey, I miss you. Joey: I miss you, too. Dawson: I don't know if we can recapture 15 years of what we had but I'd be willing to accept any small fraction you'd send my way. Joey: Well, maybe we could start slowly. Dawson: Okay...yeah. Joey: Okay. Dawson: Okay. sighs Well, it doesn't look like this rain is going to let up anytime soon so...what do you say we make a run for it? Joey: Mm-mm. I say we walk. They start walking. Dawson: What did you really think of my script? He takes off his coat and holds it above them to shelter them from the rain. Joey: You want the whole honest, bitter, cynical truth? Dawson: Yeah. Joey: Well, I have no idea. It was so mysterious. Dawson: You're definitely a mystery. Joey: I like the way you see me. She smiles. They continue walking off into the distance together, Dawson holding his coat above their heads. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x11 - Sex, She Wrote"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 212 "Uncharted Waters" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: January 27, 1999 Cut to Dawson's room. Pacey is pulling darts off a dartboard on Dawson's door. Pacey: Well, I think darts may be my destiny, Dawson. Travel around the world as an international renowned master of the darts. I found my calling. He looks at Dawson who is studying some papers scattered over his bed. Pacey: What're you doing over there? Dawson: Well, I rewatched a bunch of movies and I think I need to dub in some complicated relationships. Trying to, you know, write some complexities of a character in the movie...layer it a little bit. Pacey laughs. He walks over and takes a seat in the chair next to the bed. Pacey: There's the Great Santini. Dawson: Classic dysfunctional father-son relationship. Pacey: It's a father who thinks his son's a screw-up, huh? Dawson: Yeah, pretty much. Pacey: Yeah, well, you can skip a Blockbuster moment, Dawson. You're going to get plenty of insight into that on our little fishing trip this weekend. Dawson: Come on...okay, granted your father's a little tense but you tend to exaggerate just a little bit. The Great Santini bounces basketballs off his son's head to make a point. At least your father respects you enough not to do that. Pacey: Ah, yes, respect. Do you respect your father, Dawson? Dawson: I'd hate to live in a world where I didn't. Pacey: That's not the answer. Dawson: Do you respect your father? Pacey: Well, I mean, John Witter, the most well-know, well-respected man in Capeside. Fights for safety, fights crime, locks up bad guys, helps little ol' ladies across the street, how could you possibly not have respect for a man like that? Dawson: That's not an answer, either. Pacey laughs. Dawson: Good ol' fashioned father-son fishing trip. Why do I sense disaster? Pacey: Tell you what. gets up and walks toward dartboard Why don't we let the darts do the talking, huh? If I can ht a bullseye with this motions to dart in hand* dart in my hand, you and I are in for a weekend of good fun, big fish, and good ol' father-son bonding. He throws the dart. Dawson and Pacey go up to see...they turn around. Dawson: Best 2 out of 3? Pacey: Yeah. Cut to two people on bikes coming down the street being followed by a patrol car, as they near we realize it's Pacey and Dawson and the patrol car quickly turns on its siren to signal them to stop. John Witter steps out of the car. John: Dawson Leery. Capeside's own cinematic wonder kid. They shake hands. Dawson smiles. John: You aren't going to go forgetting us when you become a big wig out in la-la land, are you? Dawson: I wouldn't worry about that, Mr. Witter. John: I'm sure you'll come back and visit Pacey at whatever fast-food joint he's flippin' burgers at. Pacey turns around and has a frustrated smile. Pacey: The Witter's all come from a long line of illustrious professions requiring uniforms. Right, Pop? John: turns back to Dawson Dawson, I spoke to your pop. I expect you both on the dock at O-600 hours. Now, come prepared, both physically and mentlly, because you are going to be fishing in the presence of greatness. We are going to bring back the tournament trophy, Dawson. Or we are going to end our lives at sea. Pursuit of the big one that got away. Dawson: Well, I don't want to disappoint you. My dad and I are not exactly accomplished fishermen. John: laughs* Dawson, I have no doubt with your brain and committment to excellence, you'll make a first-rate first-mate. See you tomorrow. In the meantime, keep Pacey out of trouble for me. Will ya? Dawson: Okay. John Witter gets in his car and drives off. Pacey: Aye-aye capitan. Dawson: Your father's classic, Pacey. Pacey: Oh yeah, he's a classic, alright. The man thinks my IQ matches my age. You hear that crack about flipping burgers? Dawson: Pacey, he was obviously kidding. Pacey just sighs and turns around and starts biking for school. Dawson stares after him... Cut to Capeside High. Dawson and Joey are walking together down the hall. Joey: How's your movie coming? Dawson: We're in hell right now. We're in scout locations, cast, affording roles, scrounging props and wardrobe, realizing that budget really isn't as big as I first thought it was. Joey: Sounds like your typical pre-production chaos. Dawson: Actually, it's really not even chaotic. Jen has everything under control. She's like the sh*t dynamo, putting out fires before they even ignite. Joey's obviously irritated by this.* Joey: Hm, well, she's never worked on a film of this capacity...how does she even know what to do? Dawson: I don't know. She's got this inate talent for it which is causing me to step up my game as a director, which is great. Joey: getting really irritated Wow, that's great. Too bad she didn't work on your last movie, I mean, think of how much better it would have turned out. Dawson: Joey, I'm not comparing her to you... Joey raises her eyebrows as if to say, "Uh huh..sure.." Dawson: (cont.) ..working on that movie with you was one of the best periods of my life. I'm just saying it's a surprise, that's all. Joey: Yeah, who would of thought? Jen walks up Dawson: Jen, that's funny. We were just talking about you. Jen: laughs God, dare I ask? Dawson: I was just singing your praises, telling Joey what an incredible job you're doing producing. Jen: Thank you. Joey: Oh, yeah, I'll just leave you two professionals alone to collaborate. Jen: No, Joey! Actually it was you I was looking for. Dawson: Great! I gotta go, anyway. See ya! Jen: See ya! Um, Joey, I need your help, okay? See, I promised Gail I'd give her a hand in this newsreport that she's doing-- Joey: Gail? Mrs. Leery? Joey seems disturbed by this, also. Jen: Yeah, um, yeah, she's doing a newsreport on teenage girls as the new consumer phenomenon. You know, what they think, what they like, what makes them tick, blah blah blah. Joey: Oh, so now in your spare time, you're helping produce newsreports for Gail. Jen: Hardly, I wouldn't say that. She's just letting me watch her in action and you know, pick up a few tricks of the trade. Um, anyway, we really need girls to come by Dawson's house tomorrow to-- Joey: Spill their guts on local television? Jen: No, no just answer questions on what it's like being a teenager. We really need girls who are thoughtful and articulate and no one speaks their mind more eloquently and honestly than you do. Cut to rise of sun coming up over creek. Cut to Dawson and his father walking down the dock. Mitch: Look at this. motioning to fishermen nearby All these people with profound connections to the sea. I mean the idea of the ocean, boundless, mysterious. Life at sea is just about as romantic as love. Kind of makes you want to chuck it all and become a fisherman, you know? Dawson: Fish is a viable corruption for you now? Mitch: Ohhh, maybe. Dawson: What's next, Dad? A fireman? Cut to Pacey tying some rope. Cut up to Mitch and Dawson. Mitch: Permission to come aboard, sir. John: Ahoy, mate! Permission granted. Mitch laughs. They shake hands John: Hi ya, Mitch. Mitch: How ya doin' John? John: Dawson. Dawson sets his stuff down next to Pacey. Pacey stands up. Pacey: Oh, God! Ya know! Cut to a picture of Jack running down the dock with his stuff, back to Pacey Pacey: Dawson, I completely forgot to tell you something yesterday and you are just going to kll me for it. Cut to Jack who drops something and picks it up and keeps running. Back to Pacey.* Dawson: Who's being melodramatic all of a sudden? Jack reaches the boat. Jack: Hey guys! I'm sorr-- Dawson turns around and Jack looks disappointed that he's coming and same with Dawson to Jack. Jack: Sorry I'm late. Dawson gives Pacey a look as Jack climbs aboard the boat. John: Pacey, start the line. Pacey: Yes, sir. He checks the side of the boat. Alright, she's clear. The boat starts to move away from the dock as an angry Dawson puts a hand on the dock holding it for as long as he can before he's out there with Jack. Cut to Andie and Joey walking towards Dawson's house as Jen greets them. Jen: Hey guys! Thanks for coming. I'm really glad you could make it. Joey: Couldn't resist seeing the hot new producer in action. Abby walks out of the house. Abby: Oh, wow, I like that camera guy's angle...if you know what I mean. Andie: Oh God, not you. Abby: Rude. Where's the love? Gail walks up holding some camera equipment. Gail: We're going to get started in a minute. This was a great idea, Jen. This is going to be fun, don't you think? Joey looks at her and nods...a little too much. They follow her into the house. Cut to Jack bringing a fishing pole out to the backside by Dawson. He tries to set it up but he can't. Jack: Guess my little secret's out. Dawson just stares at him. Jack: You wouldn't exactly call me Ishmal. Ishmal...Moby Dick... Dawson: Yeah, I read it. Jack: Yeah, right. Well, this is going to be a fun weekend. Dawson: So why'd you come, Jack? Jack: Look, Dawson, I didn't realize you were going to be here. It's a little late for me to make an exit now and survive so why don't you and I try to deal with our little problem here. Dawson: There's no problem here, Jack. I'm just...amazed at your confidence, you know? That you'd leave your girlfriend alone, this whole weekend, this early on in your relationship while things are still new and vulnerable, still trying to figure things out. 'Cause it's right about now, some new guy, some bumbly, naive, artsy type is going to come along and steal her away right from under your nose. And, trust me, that sucks. Dawson storms off as we go to a pan across the top of the boat with Pacey in the crow's nest holding up a sign that reads '53' to a nearby boat. Cut to Gail being filmed with Joey and everybody around her. Gail: Okay, what do you think is the most important issue facing teenagers today? She looks around the room. Joey! holds microphone up to her, Joey just sits there. Anyone else? nobody says anything Jen, can I talk to you for a second? Jen: Sure, Gail. They leave the room. Gail: We've been at this all afternoon and we've still got nothing. Do you think the formality is making everyone uncomfortable? Jen: I think having everybody in one room is making everybody uncomfortable. Cut back to the living room. Abby is flirting with the camera guy. Abby: That camera equipment looks really heavy. You must be built ram-tough. Camera Guy: Naw, it's really not that heavy. Gail and Jen walk in and the camera guy walks back over by the camera. Gail: Okay, everyone listen up. Jen has this great idea. Instead of doing this interview right out of the gage, why don't we spend a little time bonding? You know, make it a Ladies' night. Abby: Ladies' Night? How long are we gonna be here? Andie: Yeah, Abby's got to make the rounds on her broom. Abby: And Andie's mom might start roaming the city, foaming at the mouth. Gail: Hey, hey, hey! Let's just get to know one another a little better. Connect with one another, okay? Abby: Oh, God, I'm going to need a drink. Gail: No alcohol, but I do have enough junk food in that kitchen to fulfill anyone's cravings. And it's all yours, if you bear with me. Cut to the fishing boat. John: Gentlemen, this is not a pleasure trip. You are not on a Carnival cruise, we've got a job to do. We need to work together like a well-oiled machine. Somewhere out there is a fish. A very big fish that's going to hitch a ride with us back to Capeside. Mitch, you and Dawson work the port rigs. Mitch: Aye-aye, Skipper. John: Jackie Onassis there can handle the starboard poles with me. Pacey: That makes me the odd man out. John: Yea. Pacey: You know, Dad, I may not be a charter member of the National Brain Trumps but I think I know how to handle a fishing rod. John: Pacey, I need you to do everything else. Rig the begs, raise and lower the anchor, back up the anguish. Your job is most important. Who do you think raised the flag in Hiroshima? General McCarther? No, it was the grunts. Pacey: Dad, we're fishing. Not storming the beaches of Normandy. John just laughs. Pacey: under his breath This sucks. John: A lot of things in this life suck, Son. It's my job to prepare you for that inevitability. Cut to Jack swatting a bug by his ear, the Dawson and Mitch leaning against the side of the boat, then a far off view of the boat. Cut to Andie eating Chester's corn puffs it looks like...something like that. Abby: I'm bored. I think it's time for a field trip..upstairs.Cruise the contents of Dawson's room....don't even try and pretend you're not interested. Joey: It's up to Abby to come up with the most obnoxious pasttime imaginable. Abby: Fine! I don't mind flying solo. She heads upstairs...Jen, Joey, and Andie follow. Cut to Jack handing Dawson a sandwich. Dawson: No thanks. Jack: Look, Dawson, it's not imperative that you and I become friends. Dawson: Good. Jack: I just thought it might be nice that's all. Jack takes off his life jacket and sits down. Jack: You don't know this, alright? I didn't steal Joey away from you. I mean, you of all people should know that she's got a strong will and is as intelligent as a Rhodes scholar...she's not the kind of girl who lets herself get stolen. Dawson: You don't know anything about her. And, secondly, if you think everything's over between Joey and me, and done with, you're massively dillusional. Jack: Maybe. Fact of the matter is, Joey and I have something and you aren't going to like it. But if you have any respect for Joey, you better respect me. Dawson just raises his eyebrows. Jack walks away. Cut to Abby opening Dawson's closet doors. Abby: I think I'm on the verge of uncovering scandalous comfort wear...looks at an outfit Yep, I think I've ht pay day! Jen and Joey close the closet doors on her and Jen leans against them. Joey laughs.* Abby: Guys! banging on door Hey! Andie: Hey, guys. Guess what I found tucked behind Jaws? "Good Will Humping"! Joey and Jen's eyes get big as they walk towards her and Abby comes out of the closet...literally not figuratively. Cut back to the boat. Jack: Wo! Wo! Guys, I got one! They rush over to him. John sits down and starts reeling it in and the line breaks. John: Where's the new pole? Pacey: On the other side. What? It doesn't matter what side the pole's on. John: This is what I mean, Pacey. It's the same thing with you over and over again. The simplest instructions in the world and you find any excuse not to follow them. How do you expect me to give you more responsibility if you can't even adhere to the most rudimentary directions. When I speak, you listen. Don't think, just do! Please! I'm not asking that much! He walks off. Dawson comes up Dawson: I've finally shaken Jack for two seconds. Can you tell me what the hell you were thinking when you invited him? Pacey: I'm sorry, man. Andie's just been nagging me excessively about including the guy. He doesn't know any guys in town. His mother just keeps on getting worse and worse. I guess I took pity on him, yeah? Dawson: Alright, that's fine. But how could you forget to tell me? Alright, Pacey? Come on! I could of had some preparation time before facing my adversary. Pacey: You know what? Screw you, Dawson. Not all of us can be the fair-haired embodiment of perfection, alright? Not everyone gets wonder king and genious attached to their name. Some of us are just simple-minded folk trying to make it through the day without breaking anything. Cut to the four girls sitting on Dawson's bed watching "Good Will Humping". They're making disgusted/laughing/surprised faces. Abby: You are aware that where this tape begins, Dawson finished. Andie: Finished what? Jen: Shaking hands with the other boy. Joey: Waxing the bald-headed bishop. Abby: Test-fring the mssile. Andie: Okay, I got your point guys. they watch the TV. Joey turns her head. Joey: How does she do that? Andie: I'm not that limber. Jen: Where do these women come from? They all scream. Jen: What sort of career is this?! Abby: Hey! Getting paid for something, you're good at...something they love. Hey Jen, in a couple of years, that could be you! Joey and Abby laugh Jen: You know what, that's really not funny. Joey: I didn't say anything. Gail enters the door. Gail: Hey ladies! Andie jumps off and shuts of the television. Gail: Whatcha watchin'? Andie: Um, nothing. Um, we're watching an educational video for school, it's, um, we're studying human anatomy! Abby: No, it's a prn we borrowed from Dawson's video collection! Andie's eyes get huge.* Abby: Mrs. Leery, you have to face the music. Your son is a pervert! What! I'm not going to lie. Unlike some people, I do have morals. Gail: I think we should leave poor Dawson's room, don't you? Abby, Andie, Jen, and Joey follow her out if the room. Jen stops Joey. Jen: Joey, um, I've played armchair psychologists for so many hours, trying to analyze why you're so consistently hostile to me in your actions and your attitudes. And the only theory that I've been able to come up with is you somehow felt thrat by my relationship with Dawson, but that theory just doesn't stand up anymore. I mean, you won in that rivalry, Joey. Hands down. I just want to know why you're still treating me like I'm this vixen that came into town and stole away your one true love. Joey: You are so disingenuous. Jen: What? Joey: Look, you want our relationship to change, Jen? Then stop encroaching on what's mine. I mean, you systematically continue to recast yourself in my role. I mean, everytime I turn around I'm being replaced by you in some form, and then, you're fain, shocked, and surprised when I resent you for it. Jen: How have I replaced you, Joey? Joey: Oh, well, first you were Dawson's girlfriend, and now your his producer, his collaborator, his best friend. I mean, you've adopted his interest in his dreams and now his mother. I mean, what's next? Are you going to get a job at the Icehouse and take up watercolors? Jen: I love how you demonize me, Joey, instead of recognizing your own, rampant insecurities. Joey: Fine, maybe I am slightly insecure, but maybe you just won't own up to your own motives. See, when Dawson chose me, I think your ego was bruised. And deep down, you still want to win. You still want him back. Cut to the guys entering a bar by the dock.* John: Alright, now, although today's display of angling ineptitude reached a new low, we'll put it behind us. Oh, hear that! Mitch: What? John: It's a dartboard calling my name. Who's man enough to go toe-to-toe with the master? C'mon, Mitch, you and me, buddy. Mitch: I'll give it a try. John: Drop anchors there, boys. Cut to Dawson, Pacey and Jack playing pool. Dawson: I hope my dad doesn't have too much fun otherwise by tomorrow he'll be drawing up plans to open a seedy, dockside tavern. Pacey: How could you possible find justification to criticize a man like your father? Dawson: I'm afraid his mid-life crisis isn't going to end. He's going to wind up a homeless street mime. What the hell is your problem? Pacey: You don't see what's going on, Dawson? Dawson just stares at him cluelessly. Pacey: Come on, nobody's that oblivious. Not even you. Dawson: Alright, then why don't you tell me whatever it is you have up your ass 'cause you're about to rip the felt. If you're mad at your dad, tell him. If you're mad at me, let me have it. Pacey: It's just that simple for you, is it, Dawson? You can just go up to your dad and say 'Gee whiz, pop, I have a problem. Let's talk about this. Heart-to-heart, man-to-man.' That's your wonderful life, not mine. You've gotten a glimpse into the hell that is my life. Dawson: So then why is my mere presence suddenly a detriment to your happiness? Jack walks up. Jack: So that Mr. Witter has put you up on such a towering pedestal that you're what? A mere presence, Dawson? C'mon, it's an icon Pacey couldn't possibly live up to! Jack walks off. Pacey: It's your sht. Cut to the Leery living room. Gail is interviewing the girls.* Abby: Adults idealize their childhood, and that leads to censorship. Gail: Thank you, Abby. So Andie, why do you think girls are such trendsetters? Andie: Well-- Abby: Well, it's not because they're so cutting edge. It's because they're insecure. And popular culture capitalizes on that. I mean, girls think, "If I go out and buy this lipstick...," or, "If I watch that TV show.." or listen to this music, I'll be popular. I mean, look around this room. Every one of these girls is incredibly insecure. I mean, I can't even speak my mind anymore without stomping on somebody's feelings. I make a cancer joke, and Joey gets upset. Or I make a crazy joke and Andie gets upset. Or you make a crack about ho bags and Jen starts humping the couch. Jen: Oh, screw you, Abby! Abby: See what I mean? Gail: Okay, stop rolling, Perry. Abby, I think we've heard enough of your opinions so...thank you for coming. Abby: You're asking me to leave? Uh, you can't be kicking me out because what about sisterhood and all that junk about female-bonding. Gail: Goodnight, Abby. Abby: What kind of journalist, are you? Oh, yeah I know. A trashy one who sleeps around. Cut to the boat tied by the dock. Dawson walks up by his dad who's laying out his sleeping bag. Mitch: Hey. Dawson: Hey Dad? What are you going to do? Mitch: Well, I just thought I'd sleep right out here under the stars. Dawson: No, not that. I mean....with the retaurant...Mom....your life? Mitch: I wish I knew. Dawson: Are you okay for money? Mitch: Yeah, for now. Dawson: Dad, I gotta be honest. I mean, as glad as I am that we can have this father-son bonding moment...I think a weekend fishing trip would be the least of your priorities...I mean, shouldn't you be out trying to procure some kind of employment or at least establish a game plan? Mitch: I'm sorry you're disappointed in me. I want to be the kind of man that you can respect. But, I don't know, there must be something out there, musn't there? Something for me. Something that I can put my heart and my passion behind. Now, I can't stop lookin' for that...until I find it. Cut to the bar. John: Good game, Pete. Where'd everybody go? Pacey: They went back to the boat. John: Pacey, c'mon, you and me. Good ol' father and son. One on one. Pacey: You're drunk, Dad. John downs another glass. John: Look, Pacey, I know you think I'm being hard on you but it's my job to protect you. C'mon. Show me what you got. Let's go! Let's see what you can do. This youth against the master. You ready? Pacey: The master, huh? John laughs. John: Watch this....you ready? throws dart There! This will warm you up a little bit. Go ahead. Pacey: Warm me up? John: Watch this guys! Pacey: Strike out that arm you know? John: Hey, come on. Pacey smiles and throws the dart. Pacey: I'm sorry. John: Don't try or nothing here, Pacey. Watch how it's done. throws dart bat that! John laughs. Pacey bat his dart. John: It's done very simply. he throws the dart YES! bat that! hits him on the shoulder* bat THAT! Pacey turns and looks at his dad's serious face, turns back to the dartboard, and purposely blows it.* John: Listen, there's nothing wrong with losing, Pacey, as long as you do it gracefully. GREGORY GET ME A DRINK! I won! Pacey grabs the darts off the board...the first dart he throws hits the bullseye. Cut to Jen, Joey, Gail, Andie, and the camera man in a dimly lit living room. Jen: I think that Abby was right. About the fact that, I mean, the reason teenage girls are such consumers is from the fact, I mean, from insecurity. timelapse Andie: I, um, have this need to look and be perfect. My home life is in total chaos and I feel like if I get straight 'A's or if I'm involved in every activity, then...you know, people won't know that I'm this fraud and that I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'm going. timelapse Jen: I mean, when I first came here from New York, I felt relief. Trying to compete in that hyper-accelerated world, I mean, I was in the fast lane to self-annihilation. And then, when I got here, I figured maybe I didn't have anything to prove and that I could finally slow down. But having all that experience just came back to haunt me. I mean, in New York I was the precocious ingenue and in Capeside, all I'll ever be known as is the New York wild child, town slut, bad girl... timelapse Joey: So when somebody comes along who has seen things that I've never seen or done things that I've only dreamed about, my defenses go up because I...I can't compete with that. I don't know. I think...I think I'm just Joey Potter, you know? You know the small town girl who will live and die on the creek. You know, and as much as I completely disdain that identity, you know, it's all I've got. And I dunno, so if I ever feel like, you know, somebody is going to steal that measly bit of self that I have or that or that small amount of love that I've somehow managed to accumulate, I feel thrat and I go for the jugular. I admit it.....I admit it... Cut to Dawson climbing onto the boat where Jack's laying down.* Jack: Hey Dawson! Dawson: Jack, whatever it is, I'm tired and I've had enough drama for one day. Jack: Oh, I think I'm going to be nautious. Dawson: You're sick? Jack: Yeah. The boat's just still rocking...I've been trying to play it cool...but ever since I set foot on this boat...I've felt like I'm going to barf. Dawson: I know the feeling. This isn't exactly how I envisioned this whole father-son outing. Jack: I haven't had a father-son weekend in a long time. Dawson: Where is your dad, Jack? Jack: I tell you where he's not. He's not here. Of course, if you ask my mother or my sister, they'll tell you he's up in Providence taking care of the business. Truth is, he's up in Providence 'cause he left us. Dawson: I know how that feels. Jack: Dawson, your father moved up the street. My father's gone. Try and put that in perspective. Cut to Pacey walking his dad, who's drunk, down the beach. They fall. John: We're on the ground. He closes his eyes and falls asleep or passes out. Pacey: So I guess this is as good of time as any to have that father-son talk. in a gruff voice So, how ya doin' in school, Pacey? back to normal Actually, Dad, I'm doing alright. I'm really turning things around. Turns out I'm pretty smart. gruff voice Good man, Pacey. Always knew you'd turn out to be something. How the ladies treating you? back to normal Well, I met this woman. gruff voice Is she cute? back to normal laughs Aw, cute, man. Andie's beautiful. She's smart. She's funny. I tell ya, this girl is something special.For whatever reason, she seems to think I'm pretty special, too. Why can't you see that? Why can't you see me, huh? When did you give up on me? When I was 5? 10? 12? I'm 16 years old, Dad! starting to cry And I'm here and I'm not provin' that but I'm tryin' so hard for you. It's your job. It's your job to love me no matter who I am or what I become because you're my father! You're my dad! You're supposed to love me you son of a bitch. I can't do this by myself. Cut to the boat in the morning. Jack is asleep in a chair. Something starts pulling on his line. Dawson: Wo! Hey! John: That's it. Whew! Pacey: On 3. 1...2...3. Jack and Pacey lift the rod out of the holder. John: Don't panic! Keep your back straight in that chair. Pacey: Wait a second. Slow it down and pull it up at the tip. Ready? Go. Jack does so. Pacey: Okay, when you go down reel. Jack goes down. Pacey: Reel! Reel, reel, reel! Hey, nice fish you got on there, Jack. Reel, reel, reel it! Jack: You do it! John: Come on! Jack: Here! John: Get in there, Pacey. Pacey sits down and starts reeling him in. John: Alright, give him some line. We got a big one out there the size of Texas. Keep him coming. Keep him coming...yes...come on....come on... They finally get the fish in and they take a picture of Pacey holding the huge fish. Cut to Gail and Joey in the Leery kitchen the next morning. Gail: Joey, I just want to thank you for everything. I just, I can't tell you how much it meant to me. Joey: No problem. I'm going to go home now. Gail: Um, honey...I, um, have a confession. As I was listening to you girls talk so beautifully about your fears and your dreams...I started to feel a little bit sorry for myself. Joey: Why? Gail: I don't know. I think, you know, because I've always wanted a daughter. I mean, I love Dawson more than life but men are men...and women are women. Joey: Right. The great divide. Gail: But then I realized....I have you. You're my surrogate daughter, Joey. I have always felt that way and, honey, I am so proud of the woman you've become. Come here. They hug. Joey: Thanks. Cut to Andie walking outside. She sees someone sitting in the lawn chair and walks towards them. It's Abby. Andie: Abby? What are you still doing here? Abby: I'm waiting for my mom. She thought I was spending the night. Andie: Have you been out here all night? Abby: What do you care? Andie: I don't care. Abby: I bet you don't. Andie: Well, Abby, what do you expect? Your favorite pasttime is making my life a living hell. Abby: That's not what I do. I play such a crucial role in this little circle and you all are too unimaginative to even notice. I'm the girl everyone loves to hate. I'm the scapegoat. I'm the one you can take all of your anger and aggression out on and never lose a moment's slept over. Andie: Um, excuse me. You have it mixed up, Abby. You trash us. You're mean. Abby: Well being sweet is boring! I don't have family lives like you guys. My mom isn't a lunatic. My dad isn't in prison. I'm not the prodical daughter from New York. My parents' divorce is boring. My house is boring. There's no entry. No drama. So you know what? I create drama. And I think it's a valid extra-curricular activity. Andie: Abby, you don't even realize how lucky you are. What you have, I've always wanted. I've always dreamed of. A normal life with regular parents and regular problems. Abby: Well, the grass is always greener right? Andie: Interesting. Abby: Yeah, whatever. My mom's here so I guess I'll see you in school. She walks away and she turns back around. Abby: Do you need a ride or something? Andie: Sure. Thanks, Abby. Cut to Joey walking into Dawson's room where Jen is. Jen: Hey. Joey: Hey, um, listen... Jen: You know, Joey-- Joey: No, let me talk. I've been thinking-- Jen: I know, I've been thinking, too. Joey: No, I've been thinking more, okay?! Jen laughs and Joey sighs. They sit on Dawson's bed. Joey: I've been thinking that it kind of sucks that, uh, the people who I respect the most are the people who I've become the most competitive with. I wish there was some way to, uh-- Jen: You know for all your thinking, you're not being very articulate. Joey: smiles I'm trying to apoligize here. Jen: I know, I know, and I'm kidding. Joey, I'm sorry. I mean, I totally understand what you're trying to say and, um, I think that you're right. That we have been locked at a stalemate for way too long. And I think that there's room in Dawson's life for me...without replacing you. Joey: No, listen Jen. We can sit here and rehash all of our old problems and disect and deconstruct all of our petty rivalries but I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I respect you. I respect who you are. Jen: Thanks, Joey. Joey: Sure. Jen: You, too. Cut to Pacey and his dad accepting the fishing trophy. Then to Dawson standing by Jack. Dawson sticks out his hand towards him. Dawson: See you, Jack. They shake hands. JAck: Yeah, see you, Dawson. Cut to Pacey and his father. Pacey: I will never in my life for as long as I live forget the feeling of adrenaline that I got when I felt that one strong tug on the line and I knew that the fish had surrendered to the greater power. John: handing him trophy Here, you take this, Pacey. Pacey: Thanks. John: Be proud of yourself. Enjoy this moment. You probably won't have many more like it. John walks away and Pacey sighs and sits down on a crate. Dawson walks over. Pacey: Do you have any idea how many times I set myself up for that one? I mean, over and over and over again, I just can't seem to stop myself from trying to get one unqualified, "Good job, son." from that bastard. I really must be a Simpleton. Dawson: I know it sounds the same, but there are people in your life whom recognize and respect your talent and intelligence. One of them is standing in front of you, and the other one is probably sitting in her bedroom right now, having a perky coronary in anticipation of your return home from the sea. Pacey: Yeah...yeah...thanks, Dawson. Cut to Dawson and his dad unloading Dawson's stuff from his car in front of the Leery house. Mitch: Listen, Dawson, father-son relationships are excruciatingly complicated. I mean, I spent my entire life trying to figure out the dynamic I had with my own father. But, uh, I'll keep trying. Until the day I die. I'll do the best I can to be the best father to you that I know how. Dawson: Dad, I know. And thank you. Mitch: For what? Dawson: For allowing me to make a multitude of mistakes, never making me feel inadequate. I know that my ability to dream without boundaries comes from you and you've never disappointed me, okay? I mean, I worry about you, but I respect you more than anybody I've ever known. And I know, especially after today, how lucky I am to have you as a father. Mitch: Come here. Mitch pulls him in for a hug. Dawson: Don't get all sappy on me now. Mitch: Thank you, Dawson. Mitch starts to go inside but then remembers that it's not his home anymore. Mitch: Goodnight, Son. Dawson goes into his house as we fade to end credits. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x12 - Uncharted Waters"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 213 "His Leading Lady" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: February 3, 1999 Cut to Dawson's room: Joey and Dawson are sitting on his bed watching a movie. It ends. Dawson: So. What'd you think? Joey: That was the director's cut, right? 'Cause it seemed a lot bloodier. Dawson: No, I meant with you and me. We did it. Joey: Did what? Dawson: First official movie night, post-breakup. I'd say it went rather well. Joey: Yeah...well, congrats. I should probably go. Dawson: Where are you going...Jo? Joey: Well, Dawson, we watched a movie... Dawson: Hold on a second I have some pictures I want you to look at. Joey: You're really okay with all this. Dawson: What? You and me? Joey: Yeah... Dawson: Yeah. I'm just so happy we're past all that relationship trauma. Joey: Good. Me too. Dawson: Great! So...motions to stack of papers with pictures on them he's holding the big dilemma, now that you're officially helping me in the movie, is who is going to be cast as Sammy. Joey...you're a...distinct, unattainable original. Joey: Dawson, maybe you should progress beyond the notion that the character, Sammy, is me. I mean, why don't you look at it as finding an actress who can bring their own interpretation into the role. Dawson acts like he's not sure about that. Joey: I'm kind of....I'm amazed at how together you are about us. Dawson: Time to learn to let go. Plus, you let me go Joey's face falls so I mean, granted, at first, it was really hard for me to accept but I mean, you moved on. You're with Jack. You let go. So, in turn, I let go of you. Joey: Well, uh, since we're all letting go of each other...I really should go. Um....um....yeah...um, I'm really tired and you always have a lot to do... Dawson: I'll see you tomorrow, Joey. Joey: Yeah....um....goodnight. Dawson: Goodnight. She hesitates at the doorway and turns around to look back at him. He's glancing over the papers for the role of Sammy. She looks slightly hurt by this. Cut to Joey in her art class. They're drawing a nude girl. Teacher: Try and invoke a feeling that you have for the subject. Remember, this is your work so personalize it. If you see the world in triangles...then go with it. He walks behind Joey and glances at her sketch. Teacher: Excellent work, Joey. You're coming along nicely. Joey: Thanks. Dawson enters the room and walks up to Joey. She looks very surprised when she sees him. Dawson: Joey...hey. Joey looks around wildly. Joey: Dawson, what are you doing here? Dawson: I had to do some research at the college library but I wanted to give you my revised draft...hot of the presses. Joey: Thanks but I'm in class. Dawson moves to look at her drawing, then he looks at the model. Joey: Dawson... Dawson: She's n-naked. Joey: Yeah, okay, peep show's over now get out or you're going to get me in trouble. Teacher: I'm sorry but this class is closed to wide-eyed visitors, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Dawson: Sorry... When he turns to leave he runs into an easel. He finally gets out the door. We cut to a picture of the face of the model, who is DEVON (Rachel Leigh Cook) Cut to Pacey in Andie's room reading a magazine. Pacey: Hey it says right here that I can have the butt I always wanted in three weeks. Andie: Pacey, I've seen your butt you have nothing to worry about. Pacey moves towards the full-length mirror and starts looking at his own butt. Pacey: You know, it's no wonder we have such an obsession with the posterior. It's impossible to get a good sense of one's own butt, you know? Andie comes out of the bathroom attached to her bedroom. Andie: Pacey? Are you checking out your own butt in the mirror? Pacey: Me? No... He quickly goes back over to the bed and picks up the magazine again while Andie goes back into the bathroom and takes out her pills and takes them. A few seconds pass and Pacey gets up to see what Andie's doing and by then she's done. Pacey: I do agree with you though. This butt grabs his belongs in the Hall of Fame, what do you say? Andie: Mmm. Nice try. Andie sits down on her bed while Pacey goes into the bathroom to get a tissue. He spots a medicine bottle in her trash. He picks it up, and it's the zanX medicine she had when Pacey saw her in the drug store. He leaves the bathroom with a confused look on his face. Cut to Dawson in the college library. From behind the shelf behind Dawson, we see Devon. Devon: See anything you like? Dawson spins around. Dawson: Oh my God....you're the-- Devon: Model. My name's Devon. Dawson: Hi. Um...Dawson. You must think I'm a total perv. Devon: Actually, I was leaning more towards deviant. My psych profesor would say you were, um, suffering from some sort of latened desire. The need for someone to watch you...watching. Dawson: Well...sorry to disappoint ya. I was just dropping something off for a friend. It was just an unluck-- Devon: Well, psych's not my major, anyway. She walks away but Dawson persists. Dawson: How do you do that? Model naked? It's kind of uncomfortable... Devon: Well, actually I'm a drama major so I look at it as kind of an acting exercise. Plus, it helps and the money doesn't suck. Dawson: So you're an actress? Devon: Mm-hm. Dawson: That's interesting...I'm, uh, directing a movie. Devon: Oh, I didn't know they had a film school here! Dawson: They don't. I'm, uh, still in high school. Devon: And you're trying to make your first film. That's cute. Good luck. Dawson: It's my second film, actually. My first film won the Junior division in the Boston Film Festival. And they gave me the funds to make my second effort. Devon: not that enthused Impressive. Dawson: You know what? I'm actually still casting. There's one part I haven't casted yet...it's one of the leads. We, um, start filming in 2 days. It's kind of a current situation, but, um, I'd love it if you'd read it. Devon: And it's funded by the Boston Film Festival? Dawson: Yeah, look, um, I understand your skepticism but...give it a read. The part of Sammy. My address and phone number are on the front. I'd love to hear what you think. Devon: Be careful, Dawson. Stronger men have been crushed by what I think. She walks off. Dawson stares after her. Cut to Jen's house. Grams walks in with another boy carrying groceries. Jen: Ah, Grams! You're a God to me. We're in desperate need of snacks for rehearsal. Grams: Oh, Jennifer! This is Tyson Hicks. He was kind enough to help me with my groceries. Ty: Uh, it's Ty, actually. It's great to meet you. Jen: Nice to meet you, too, Ty. Ty: So your grandmother tells me that you're working on a movie. Jen: Yeah...yeah...we're just gearing up to start. Grams: Jennifer, Tyson has expressed an interest in helping out with the picture. Aren't you a little short-staffed? Jen: Yeah, yeah, um, do you have any experience working on a film set before? Ty: Well, um, no, but I've worked on a bunch of theater productions, and I'm pretty good with my hands and a fast learner. Jen: Yeah, that sounds great. We can use all the help we can get, Ty. Even Grams has been doing craft service so... Ty: Great. Well, you can use me for anything. Jen: Excellent. Cut to Dawson's room. Pacey and Dawson are moving posters to different locations around his room. Dawson: So you found a bottle of prescription pills...so what, Pacey? Take a look in my parent's medicine cabinet. It's a veritible pharmacy. Pacey: Yeah but this is zanX, Dawson. Not exactly your typical Saturday night muscle relaxant. It's for severe anxiety. You've never noticed Andie being any more high-strung lately, have you? Dawson: Uh, no, actually I've been too busy watching her bounce off the walls. Pacey, if you're worried why don't you ask her about it? Pacey: Because, man. I don't want to make the situation any worse. She's already under enough stress as it is with her family. The way I figure it, if she wants to open up to me, then she will. But it's also not really in my nature to just sit by while the girl suffers. I mean, I want to help but... Dawson: She's operating under a lot of stress though, Pacey. The only thing that you can really do is make sure the time spent with you is as stress-free as possible. You know, help her have fun. Pacey: Yeah... Pacey turns to see what Dawson is doing and he's taking the E.T. poster down. Pacey: Dawson, what are you doing, man? We just put the E.T. poster up. Why are you taking it down? Dawson: Yeah, but there...it's not in the sht. Over here, it'll be in the perfect position. Pacey: You know, I understand that we have budgetary restraints but don't you think telling your life story in your own bedroom is a little perverse? Even for you? Dawson gives him a look. Cut to Dawson outside, later in the evening setting up a cardboard TV. Devon walks up.* Devon: Hey there! Dawson: Hey! How are ya? Devon: Good. I read your script. Dawson: You did. Great...and what did, what did you think? Devon: I didn't love it. Dawson: disappointed Really? Devon: I mean, all the angst and the over-analyzing and the hesitancy to act on...anything. I mean, I really had to search my psyche and call back my adolescence. Dawson: Ah, a few whole years ago. Devon: Dawson, there is a vast difference between us. Anyway, the script's a little heavy-handed and overly rubose. Dawson: What your saying is you're not interested. Devon: What I'm saying, Dawson, is that I managed to muddle through the $20 words and psychospeak and get to the core of the Sammy character. Dawson: I think what I'm saying is I'm not interested. The more and more I think about it...you're not right for the part. You're too...small. Devon: So what you're saying is because I had an opinion of your script, you're not going to let me read for the part? Here's the cold, hard truth, Dawson. If you can't take a little constructive criticism. You're never going to make it. Good luck in high school. I'm sorry I wasted my time. She starts to walk off Dawson: Wait a minute! Wait a minute, Devon! I'm sorry. Maybe you're right. Maybe I overreacted. I mean, you came all the way down here, the least you should get to do is audition, right? We can read Scene 5...I think it starts on page-- Devon: Actually, I was thinking we could do Scene 15, more towards the middle. Dawson: kind of taken aback/surprised Okay... Devon: K, just, uh, give me a minute... Dawson: Sure... Devon looks over the script and acts like she's really focusing. She then walks over towards Dawson like she's ready. Dawson: Okay. in character Sammy, if you could only see yourself through my eyes. Devon: You know, for the longest time, I thought that was what I wanted. For the boy across the creek, my best friend, to see me as beautiful. Dawson stares at her studying her acting, obviously pleased. Devon: (cont.) But this is just...brings hands to lips cosmetic enhancement and hairspray. I'm still the same old Samantha. The girl who resides on the wrong side of the creek. And if you look closely, Wade, you'll see. It's just me. out of character Is that kind of what you had in mind? Dawson: That was kind of...perfect. Devon smiles. Cut to the S.S. Icehouse the next day. Jack walks by Joey behind the counter. Joey: to Jack Hey, um, I've got to get out of here early because I promised Dawson that I'd help him with tomorrow's sh*t. Jack: smiles* Okay, um, do you think he'll have us working all day? Joey: Us? Jack: Yeah, yeah...Jen said that they were understaffed and she asked me to help out and Bess said she'd cover my shift so... Joey: Oh. pauses And how does Dawson feel about this? Jack just shrugs and walks off leaving Joey confused. She grabs a tray and heads off to one of the tables where Devon is sitting at. Joey: Can I get you something to drink? Devon just stares at her, observing her. Joey: Um, are you ready to order? Devon: mocking her Are you ready to order? Joey is completely weirded out. Joey: Is everything okay? Devon: Yeah, um, I'll have a hamburger, fries, and a Diet Coke. As Joey writes down the order, Devon observes how she writes and starts mimicking her movements. Joey: Um, okay. I'll be right back with your drink. Joey pulls a piece of hair to tuck it behind her ear and Devon does the same. Joey is completely perplexed at this by now. She walks back over to the counter by Jack. Joey: Um, Jack, uh, could you go help that girl out there? She's really weirding me out. Cut to Devon making some actions with her hand in deep concentration. Jack comes out with her drink. Jack: Here you go. Devon: Thank you. Jack: You're welcome. He starts to walk away but she stops him. Devon: Um, excuse me. Do you know that waitress over there? She motions to Joey Jack: Uh, you could say that. Devon: Would you mind telling me everything you know about her? Jack's face falls, perplexed by Devon's curiosity. Cut to Andie's house in the backyard. Andie is sitting on a porch swing studying when Pacey enters. Pacey: Hey McPhee! Andie: Hey! Pacey: How's it hangin', girl? Andie: sighs I've been reading this paragraph for the last 20 minutes. I can't concentrate. I have a ton of homework. Pacey: Um, listen, I've been wrestling with whether or not to confront you about this. Um, I think I'm going to just get it out in the open. Do you want to talk to me about the pill bottle I saw in your bathroom the other day? Andie: It's my mother's. Pacey: If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, Andie, but don't lie to me. Andie: I started taking it right after Tim died. It helped to even out my mood swings. Pacey: Why'd you feel like you had to hide it from me? Andie: I don't know. I guess I was afraid of how you'd react but it doesn't matter now, anyway. You know, my doctor's not going to refill my prescription. She said she wants me to try therapy for my stress but thinking about that makes me just more stressed out so... Pacey: Well, maybe therapy isn't such a bad idea. It couldn't hurt. Andie: Look, Pacey. I can take care of myself. Don't look so worried! I'm okay. Pacey: But if you weren't okay, you would tell me right? Andie: Yeah! Cut to Dawson at rehearsal with Devon, Chris, and Jen. Dawson: Okay the scene will open up with a you two on the bed. Sammy you will be on the left and Wade, you will be on the right. Whatever's comfortable. It's really casual. to Jen Hey! Um, how are ya? Abby's late again so I want you to read the part of Kim. Enter from the door here. Jen: Um...yeah...okay...yeah...what page are you guys starting from? Dawson: 17. K, are you guys ready? And action. Everyone is in their roles. Jen (aka Kim) walks in. Jen: Hey guys! Chris (aka Wade): Hey! Devon (aka Sammy): I thought it was video night. Chris (aka Wade): Well, it is. Kim doesn't really know anyone in Creekside so I just invited her to join us. Devon (aka Sammy): Isn't watching movies a little, oh, mundane for someone from the big city? Jen (aka Kim): Listen...if I'm intruding... Chris (aka Wade): gets up and puts arm around Jen No, no, not at all. The more the merrier. Dawson: No. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Go backwards. Chris the way you're saying it now it sounds like you're trying to get them into a menage a trois. I mean, you're interested in Kim, but Sammy's just your friend. I mean, she's your best friend but just your friend. I mean, the choices are subtle but they're very specific. Chris: But Dawson, it's obvious that Sammy's into me. Am I just supposed to ignore that? Dawson: Yeah. I mean, no, actually. You're not ignoring it. You're just not aware of it yet. Chris still seems confused. Jen: Um, Dawson! Come here for a second. They go over to the side. Dawson: sighs I know I casted a jock but he's got the inside of a warthog. Jen: I know, okay, maybe you should let up a little. Dawson spots Joey, who's been watching this whole time. Dawson: Joey! Devon gets up and walks towards her, too. Dawson: Joey, come here. There's someone I want you to meet. Devon, this is Joey. Joey, Devon. Joey: Yeah...you came into the Icehouse yesterday. Devon: Yeah. Now you know why I was acting so peculiar. I was studying you. It's just, Dawson told me the character was based off you... Dawson: You recognize Devon from art class? Joey: Oh, yeah. The clothes threw me at first but you know... Dawson: Um, I've got to talk to Chris for a bit, but you two can talk, get to know each other and you can study her manners. Dawson walks off towards Chris. Devon: So anyways, I was going for a new method approach to Sammy and I was wondering if you had any character insights for me. I have a couple dozen questions I want to ask you. Joey: A few dozen? Devon: Well, I think that Sammy and Wade are soulmates who will be forever connected by an overpowering, transcendent love...what do you think? Joey just stands there staring at her awkwardly, speechless. His Leading Lady Cut to Devon and Chris, in character doing a scene through the perspective of a camera lens. Devon (aka Sammy): Stop! Chris stops briefly Dawson: (from off-camera) Don't stop! Keep going! Chris starts walking again. Devon: (aka Sammy): Why are you running away from me? Chris (aka Wade): Because for the first time in 15 years you are the last person I want to see. Dawson: Hold on. I've got to move it-- Dawson crashes into a camera. Jack was pushing him. Jack: Sorry! I'm sorry, Dawson! Dawson: sighs Okay, um, to Devon and Chris you guys can take five. Jen: Dawson, we should really try and get the first sht off before we start taking breaks, okay? Jen walks away by Ty.* Jen: Ty, is there a problem? Ty: Jen, I would like to say that this accident could have been avoided but with you standing nearby, I lose all ability to concentrate on the job at hand. Jen: Down boy. Cut to Jack and Joey. Jack: Joey, I want to ask you...this whole thing really bothers you, doesn't it? I mean, life layed out for the whole world to see. Joey: Please, it's a movie. Why should it bother me? Jack: 'Cause it's about you. If I was trying to get over somebody, and get on with my life, the last thing that I would do is make a movie about it. Somebody needs to tell Oliver Stone over there that this whole wr is over. Joey: Look, Dawson is clearly over me. I promise. Jack: Well, where's your evidence because I have proof to the contrary. Joey: Don't think so much, Jack. I mean, everything is going to be fine. Don't worry about it...it's just makes faces like it's no big deal.* Jack: You're right. Just as long as you're over him, nothing else matters. Dawson can do whatever he wants. Jack leans in and they kiss and then hug and we see Joey's face which is doubtful of her being over Dawson. Cut to a montage of shts making the film ranging from Jack's earphones being way too loud to Devon mimicking Joey's every move. Joey and Jack kiss another time during it, too. Cut to Jen and Ty inside the school.* Ty: Hey! Jen: Hey! Being a good boy? Ty: Always. Jen: I'm disappointed. holding neck Ah, I've got the worst cramp. Ty: Here. Let me help ya. He starts massaging her neck. Jen: Feels like you've got some experience at this. Ty: And being manipulated into a neck rub, yeah! Jen: Maybe I can also manipulate you into...coming out with me tonight. I think after this scene I'm really going to need to loosen up. Ty: I think that could be arranged. One stipulation. You've got to put yourself in my hands. Jen: Well, they are good hands. She smiles and she walks off. Cut to Dawson, Devon, and Chris walking out of school talking about the film. Chris: All I'm saying, Dawson, is that I don't think my character would play it hurt. Devon: And I don't know where my anger is coming from. I'm confused. Dawson: Okay, I think that's enough for today. Chris: See I think he should try and play it cool. Save some self-dignity and not throw all his emotions out of swing. Devon: And I don't think I'd blow a gasket over this. Dawson: Okay...Chris, not everyone is as cool as you, okay? When Wade finds out his girlfriend kissed another guy, he's...crushed. The last thing he's thinking about is reserving a little self-dignity. And Devon, you're an angry girl. That's part of the essence of who you are. And right now, you're frustrated that Wade can't see that you've moved beyond him. Chris: Dawson, I can't relate. I've never been there. Dawson: Okay, um... Dawson spots Joey talking to some people across the yard. Through his next dialogue, clips of Joey talking, muted, in slower motion, are shown. Dawson: It's agony. Complete, excruciating agony like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on. You can't breathe. You don't want to eat. You can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel and the worst thing is there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless trture and you know that....it's yours for life. And Devon, you feel completely misunderstood. You feel like this guy who you've known all your life can't see the hope and potential of what you can become and you're, you're petrified. You're confused. You're afraid to stay with him. You're afraid to stay without him. You feel so alone. He stops and he looks back at Joey. Devon notices he's looking. Cut to Joey inside the school laying out sheets of people with photographs attached. Devon walks in.* Devon: Sammy, I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment. Joey: It's...Joey. Devon: Right! Um, I'm having a problem with this scene. I don't really get where my anger comes from. I, personally, am not angry by nature and I was just wondering if you could show me how you do it. Joey: Do what? Devon: Be angry. Joey: Oh, you see, I'm not actually angry by nature, that would be the fictional part of this autobiographical tale. Devon: Right....so tell me, how do you date one guy when you're in love with another? Joey: Look. I know what you're trying to do. Don't go there. Devon: Please. I see you lip-locked with that puppy dog but yet clearly your heart is still with Dawson.What is this guy, Jack? Your safety net? Joey: Oooh. You're good. But I'm not that easily manipulated. Jack walks in and sees them. Jack: Is everything okay? Devon: Tell me, Jack, what's it like being the transition guy? Joey: Would you stop it?! Devon: You know it must be really hard to open your heart to a girl who's heart is reserved for someone else... Joey: Look you annoying little third-rate wannabe, why don't you take your irritating self and pray on someone who doesn't see through your pathetic attempt to masquerade bitchiness as research. Devon: Thank you. She walks off. Jack: What was that? Joey: She's too short to play me. Cut to Andie furiously following Devon. Andie: What do you mean you don't have it? It was in your hair! Devon: Well, now it's not. Andie: Okay, that barrette was a prop, and I'm in charge of all props. I need to get it back. Devon: Well you better go find it. Andie: Oh, like I have any idea where to start looking for some tiny little barrette okay?! It could be anywhere. How could you have been so careless for something that wasn't even yours. Don't you realize that people have jobs to do? Or does the whole world just revolve around Devon? Devon: Get a grip, Prop Girl. Pacey comes up and pulls Andie away. Pacey: Okay... Andie: Did you see that?! Pacey: Yeah... Andie: Do you believe her?! Pacey: I'm starting to get a little worried about you, McPhee. Andie: Well, don't be. I'm fine. Pacey: No, you're not fine. Andie: Oh, great! Thanks for the support, Pacey! Pacey: Hey! Just tell me what to do here. 'Cause I'm starting to feel like I'm getting screwed either way. Andie: My dad is in I.A. (?), my mom is barely to losing it, I'm holding on by my fingertips, and you're the one getting screwed! Oh, that's right. It's always got to be about Pacey! Pacey: Don't make me the bad guy, Andie. I'll be your shoulder to cry on, I'll even be your punching bag, but I'm not the bad guy. Andie: Pacey, I keep adding things to my list instead of substracting. With school, my mother, Jack, you, something's got to give and the way I see it, there's only one thing expendable on that list. Pacey: C'mon, Andie. You're not in the right place to make that decision now. I just...you're not thinking straight, okay? Andie: Yes I am. For the first time, I'm seeing everything crystal. It's you, Pacey, you're the one that's got to give. We need to cool it because us, that's the problem. Pacey: Andie, you don't mean that. Andie: Yes, I do! And if you really care about me and you really want to help me then you would just back off and leave me alone! Andie storms off leaving a saddened Pacey behind. Cut to Dawson shting a scene with Chris and Devon. Joey's watching angrily in the background. Dawson: And...action! Devon (aka Sammy): At least let me explain. Chris (aka Wade): What purpose could that possibly serve? You kissed another guy. In my mind, there's absolutely, unequivically nothing left to say! Ever. Devon (aka Sammy): You don't even want to know why, do you? You don't even listen to me! Chris (aka Wade): What justifiable reason is there that the girl who spent her entire life pretending that I was the only thing that mattered...threw it all away for a 30 second cheap thrill. Dawson: And...cut! That was incredible! That was great! Jen: Alright, great, you guys! Great sht! Let's get movin on and set up the next one before we lose the light, alright? Dawson: to Chris and Devon* Wow... Joey storms up angrily Joey: Dawson! Dawson turns around. Dawson: Wasn't that scene incredible? Joey: Yeah! grabs him by the arm We need to talk! Cut to Joey leading Dawson into a classroom. Joey: Dawson, why do you insist on reliving in excruciating detail one of the most painful experiences of our lives? Is this your peversely, self-defeating way of moving on or are you just trying to punish me? Dawson: confused Neither. Joey: How can you be so okay with this, Dawson? I mean, didn't we mean anything to each other? Isn't anything sacred with you? I mean, I know that you've gotten over us and everything that we went through but has it ever occurred to you that maybe I haven't? I mean, it takes time and I'm happy that you are and I'm glad that you've found it so easy to move on but, you know, this movie is self-indulgent and unfair! Dawson: Wait a minute, wait a minute! Let's take a little refresher course, Joey! You broke up with me, okay? You have a new boyfriend. You found your art passion. You have a whole new life! And what do I have? Joey: A self-obsessed movie! Dawson: Well, forgive me for not letting go of the one thing that I've got left! Joey: Well, that's not healthy, Dawson! Dawson: I'm not going to sit here and listen to you bitch at me about what I've done, Joey! You left me! You dumped me! I haven't moved on! Okay? I haven't let go! And that's why I'm clinging for dear life to the one thing that's keeping me going! Dawson storms out and slams the door to the classroom. Cut to Grams inside the school wrapping things up. Jen walks in. Jen: talking to an extra Thanks for a good day. Um, tomorrow call time's 8:30. She walks over to Grams Jen: Hey! Need some help, Grams? Grams: You know, Jennifer. I watched you today and you know what I saw? Jen: Why do I feel a lecture coming on here? Grams: I saw all these young people working together as a team for a common goal and I was so impressed. Then I realized who was in charge of everyone and I was so proud. I found myself watching a beautiful, accomplished, young woman who just happened to be my granddaughter. Jen: Well, I hope I had everybody else fooled because I was definitely flying by the seat of my pants. Grams: laughs A woman movie producer. In my day, women didn't have many options. You got married, raised a family, but now, what a wonderful time to be a woman. You can do or be anything you want and without a man by your side. Jen: Couldn't resist that one, huh? Ty walks up. Ty: We just wrapped the last sht so I'm ready to go whenever you are. Jen: Just give me a second, k? Ty: K. Jen: to Grams* Okay, go ahead. I know that you're dying to get it off your chest. Grams: Have a nice time, dear, you deserve it. Jen: Thanks, Grams. Jen walks away. Grams: Just don't stay out too late! Jen: I know... Cut to Dawson walking down the hall by Pacey sitting on his knees leaning against the lockers. Dawson: Hey Pacey! Pacey, you look terrible. Pacey: Well, I should. I mean, I really kind of screwed it up with Andie. Pushed too hard. Dawson: What happened? Pacey: Um, well, she told me I'm the element in her life that she can do without. Dawson: Did she mean it? Pacey: Yep...she meant it.. Dawson: Then, let her go. Pacey: What? Dawson: I think you should let her go. I really do. I mean, don't just pay lip service. Just let her go. Pacey: Like what you're doing with Joey? Dawson: Like what I'm trying to do with Joey. I mean, I've been fooling myself, Pacey, but I think I'm going to do it. That's the only way to get someone back to you. Pacey: You know, Dawson, as text-book healthy as the letting go theory sounds, and, you know, it may work out for ya, it doesn't apply to me. I mean, this isn't just a case of teen romance gone sour. I know what I want. I want Andie. And she's hurting right now and whether she knows it or not...she needs me. I have absolutely no intention of letting her go. Pacey turns and walks down the hall. Cut to Jen and Ty walking down a sidewalk. Jen: I'm kind of hungry. I was hoping maybe we could grab a bite to eat. Ty: Well, they'll have stuff to munch on here. It's my friend Lloyd's place. He's having a get together and I told him I'd stop by. Jen: A party? Why didn't you say so? I'm always up for a good party. Ty: Cool! They go into the house and there's just a few people standing around drinking out of plastic cups. Ty: Hey guys! Lloyd: Hey everybody! Ty's here. We can get started. Hey I brought a friend with me. Jen this is everyone, everything this is Jen. Jen: Hi...everyone. Everyone who's there comes into the living room to join up. Lloyd: Okay, last time we stopped on the First Book of the Kings. The camera pans the room where everyone is pulling out their bibles. Jen looks surprised/confused/disappointed. Lloyd: Why don't we pick it up from Chapter 9: Gods Promise and Warning. Ty smiles at Jen as she nervously smiles back. Lloyd: If you turn from following me, you or your children, or my commandments and statues that I have set before you... Cut to the doorbell rings at the McPhee's. Andie runs down the stairs in her bathrobe. Andie: I'm coming! She opens the door to find Pacey holding a rose. Andie: Go away, Pacey. She shuts the door in his face. He starts knocking on the door. Andie: I'M IGNORING YOU! Cut to outside. Pacey is disappointed. He spots something, though. He walks around to the side of the house. Cut to Andie in her room. She hears something outside and opens her window and Pacey is climbing the (I forget what they're called) to her window. Andie: Are you nuts?! What are you doing?! Pacey: Is this thing (missed words 'cause Pacey had the rose in his mouth)? Pacey slips a little. Andie: Oh my God, be careful! holds up rose Pacey: For the lady. Andie: I don't believe you. Is this your way of staying away from me? Pacey: Oh, yeah, about that. I've decided not to. You see you need me, McPhee. I mean, come on, who else is going to put up with you? Andie: You know it's just one shove and it's a long way down, Pacey. Pacey: I'd just have to climb right back up. Andie: Okay, you know what? You're acting like a psycho and the last thing I need in my life, right now, is another crazy person. Go home, Pacey. She tries to shut the window but Pacey grabs it. Pacey: No. I'm not going to let you push me away, McPhee. You know, I think I forgot to mention that I'm actually a charter member of the Andie McPhee Fan Club and as a matter of policy, our right to ration(?) never waivers. Through the good times or the bad. Andie: I just...want to feel better, Pacey. Pacey: I know, Andie, I know and I can help. I know I can. And I'm not going to turn away from you, Andie. After all, you've done for me. And certainly not when you need me the most. We can do this together and I know that I can help you. Andie: Pacey, how do you know you can help me? Pacey: Because, Andie, I love you. Andie: I love you, too. They lean in and kiss. Cut to Dawson still at school while everything's wrapping up. Chris and Devon walk up. Chris: Hey Dawson, we're, uh, going to grab a bite to eat. Want to join us? Dawson: Um, nah, actually. I've got some work to do...thank you. Devon: Sure? Dawson: Yeah...yeah... Chris: Okay, see you later, Dawson. Dawson: Hey! Good work. Chris: Thanks. Devon: You know you impressed me today. Dawson: I did? Devon: Yeah, you know, it's interesting that you put such effort into making this script almost precisely match reality and yet you change the ending. You know my psyche profesor would say-- Dawson: Let me guess, he would say that I should put away all hopes of the past and focus on the future. Devon: Very good. Look I just wanted to say that I think you show real potential in being a director. Dawson: Thank you. I appreciate that. Devon: Are you sure you don't want to grab a bite to eat or something? Dawson: I'll definitely take you up on that some other time but right now...I just want to be here. Devon: Okay. Have a good night. She walks off with Chris. Joey walks towards Dawson. Joey: Hey... Dawson: Joey! I assumed you'd probably taken off... Joey: I, um... Dawson: About earlier... Joey: Yeah...Dawson, I'm sorry I came down so hard on you this afternoon. It...it was unfair and it's just been kind of hard...watching my life be reenacted in front of half of Capeside. Dawson: Joey, if I offended you or hurt you in anyway, I'm sorry. I just thought that if I made this autobiographical, cathartic movie then I could put the past behind me in one fowl swoop, you know? Turns out it doesn't work that way. Joey: Yeah, if only things could be that simple, right? Dawson: You know what it is, Joey? I've spent the last few months of my existance trying to figure out how to be without you. I mean, I tried acting like it doesn't hurt, pretending I don't care, I guess I felt like if I acted like I was over you....I guess I would be. And, truth is, most of the time all I want to do is crawl into my room with my best friend, shut the blinds and just pour my heart out to her. Joey: Dawson, um, I don't think you realize that it has been just as difficult for me. I mean, it's been tearing me apart, too. But I know we'll always be connected. I know that our lives are destined to be intertwined but... Dawson: We have to move on. Joey: Yeah... Dawson: Little bit today...little more tomorrow... Jack walks up behind them. Jack: Joey...you, uh, you ready? Joey: Yeah...uh... Dawson: Jack! Thanks for helping me out today. I really appreciate it. Jack: No problem. It was fun, actually. Dawson: Good. Jack: Do you want us to hang out for a little bit? Help you clean up this stuff? Dawson: No, no! You guys go out and have fun. You've given me enough of a good day. Joey: Are you sure? Dawson: Yes, absolutely! Go! Get out of here! Joey: 'K...um, goodnight. Dawson: Goodnight. Jack and Joey walk off and Dawson stares after them as the last light outside is shut off and he walks towards the school building. Fade to end credits.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x13 - His Leading Lady"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 214 "To Be or Not to Be..." CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: February 10, 1999 Dawson's room - there's a miniature Capeside community built. Pacey, Dawson, and Jack are in the room. Pacey: I can't believe you made this whole thing by yourself. Dawson: Congratulations, Jack. Jack: Thanks. I'm not completely done. I still have this whole back section to paint. Dawson: I-I-I'm....truly impressed. And grateful. Jack: It's...a little unclear, though, as to why you want this. You're not going to like, blow it up or anything, are ya? Dawson: No...um, there's no asteroid in my movie. It's for aerial shts. Establishing scenes....you get the right lense...the right light...perfect point of the Creekside village. Pacey: It's amazing what a little camera trickery can do. Well, if you guys will excuse me, I have a ton of homework to do including Peterson's assignment which I haven't even started yet. Jack: sighs* Yeah, I haven't either. Dawson: Pacey Witter is leaving early to do homework...a slightly less believable and inquiring light. Pacey: Yeah, yeah, it's a disgusting habit. Dawson: Alright, well, thanks guys, I'll see you later. Jack: No, I can stay. Dawson: Well, I'm just going to do a test-sht... Jack: No, it's okay, I'd like to see it. It's alright. Dawson: Okay. Cool. Pacey: Well....ta-ta, gents. Don't stay up too late. It is a school night. Pacey leaves. Dawson laughs.* Dawson: Speaking as his closest friend, your sister has had quite a profound relationship on him. Jack: Yeah, well, relationships will do that. Dawson's face drops and he moves to get his camera. Jack realizes how it sounded. Jack: Sorry. I didn't mean that the way it came out. Dawson: Look, Jack, this hasn't exactly been the easiest of situations for either of us. But your help in this film has been so significant. I just... Jack: So we're cool? Dawson: Yeah. So what's this Peterson stuff about? Jack: Oh, a poem. He wants us to write something that's critical to our being, whatever. It's just another assignment I'm going to screw up. Dawson: It's a poem. It can't be that hard. Jack: You know, I read your script. You're the expert writer here. Any advice on how to get to the good stuff? Dawson: Listen to yourself, you know? I mean poetry is a chance to give the world a peek of the innermost private part of yourself that you'd, in other cases, just stifle. Jack: So just listen to myself? Dawson: Yeah, I mean...you never know what you'll hear. Will you do me a favor and ht the lights? Jack: Oh, yeah. The lights go off as Dawson adjusts the camera to focus in on a replica of the exterior of his house.* Dawson: And there it is. The perfect Creekside village. The fake house fades into Dawson's real house and then we get a sht of the real creek.* Cut to Capeside High exterior. Pacey is waiting on the campus and he spots his counselor approaching. Pacey: Mr. Milo! Now, before you say anything, I want you to know that I have the situation under complete control. Mr.Milo: And what situation is that? Pacey: Well, whatever academic improprieties you were about to make me aware of. Mr.Milo: Improprieties is the wrong word. Try kudos. Pacey looks confused Mr.Milo(cont.): I just received the midterm reports for all the students on academic watch. And after removing my jaw from the floor, I came to you. You posted 3 "B"'s and 2 "A"'s. Pacey: That's impossible. Mr.Milo: Well, one would think so. Pacey looks up and Mr. Milo smiles. Pacey: You know, I don't think I've ever seen you smile before, Mr. Milo. I'm liking this. The smiling thing I definitely like. Mr.Milo: Well, you just keep up the good work, Mr. Witter! They enter the school and we cut to inside as Pacey happily heads towards Andie who is standing by Jack and Joey. Pacey picks Andie up and swings her around in the air and she screams. He sets her down and they kiss. Jack and Joey stare at them and laugh. Andie: Mm...what was that for? Pacey: Just 'cause. Jack puts his arm around Joey and leans in. Joey: Don't even. Jack: What? We can't kiss 'just cause'? Joey: Sure, we can. In private. Massive suckface embraces are better left for bedrooms and private sunsets. to Pacey and Andie No offense. Pacey and Andie: (simultaneously) None taken! Dawson walks up. Dawson: Hey Jack! I was just wondering when do you think you can get started on the set for the pageant scene? Jack: Um, this weekend if you want. Dawson: Great! I'll schedule the sh*t for the weekend after. Jack nods and Dawson walks off to his locker. The bell rings.* Pacey: Well, I hate to be the stickler but we are late for an hour of health. Jack: Yeah, you got your poem Stickler? Pacey: Of course! Andie and Pacey continue off down the hall. Jack: Well, see ya! I gotta go to class. Bye. They kiss Joey: Bye. She turns and walks toward Dawson at his locker, smiling. Joey: So....that was nice. Dawson: What was nice? Joey: You and Jack actually conversing! It was a surprise. Dawson: Well, some people are capable of moving beyond those petty, long-behind rivalries to higher ground. Joey laughs Joey: Yeah, right! If Jack wasn't doing your movie, Dawson, he'd still be the enemy. Dawson: Not true! Joey pushes him, jokingly. Joey: You are so Hollywood! He pushes her back, jokingly. Dawson: Am not! Cut to outside, Jen is sitting at a table and Ty comes up. Ty: Across the green...he spots her, stealthfully the lion crosses the green and settles beside his prey, the helpless llama. Jen: not enthusiastic. Hey Ty. Ty: Well, as far as I know, there's been three phone messages to you in this last week. Adorable phone messages with my number included. I was wondering why you haven't returned any of them. Jen: You're on my 'To Call' list, Ty. I just am trying to get around. Ty: Well, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I could swear you were into me that night. Jen: Not to toot your own horn or anything. Ty: It was the party, wasn't it? All that Bible-speak freaked you out. Jen: Honestly...yeah. It did. Ty: Jen, that's not all that I am, alright? For your information, I'm not some Bible-banging Dorkus-Magworkus here. Jen laughs. Jen: I'm not saying that you are, Ty. It's just...obviously, your religion is very important to you. Ty nods. Jen: I just see it as an inevitable obstacle in our relationship. Ty: Don't you think we should go out on our first date before you map out our entire future? Jen: Ty...you're sweet. And you're funny. But you go to these Bible meetings three times a week and that's probably how many times I've been to church in the past 10 years so...hopefully you can understand why that would present a problem with us being anything more than just friends. She gets up. Ty: See, that just goes to show how little you know me. See...I'm not funny at all. You know, I'm not giving up. Jen: Now, that's a shame. Ty: You know, I thought most women admired persistence. Jen: Well, that just goes to show how little you know about me. I'm not most women. She walks off leaving Ty behind. Cut to Mr. Peterson picking up poems. He comes to Pacey who's flipping desperately through his notebooks looking for his. Mr.Peterson: Mr. Witter, empty-handed, I presume? Pacey: No, no, I had it at my locker. I must have...finds it left it right here in my binder! He hands it to Mr. Peterson Mr.Peterson: 'Ode to the Sports Car'? Pacey: Yeah, trust me, they're more exciting than Grecian arts. Mr.Peterson: Trying out cursive for the first time? Pacey: sighs I worked hard on that. Mr.Peterson: I'm sure. However, you neglected penmanship and presentation is minus half the grade. So the way I see it, you have two choices. You can hand the poem in tomorrow, written legibly and lose credit for handing it in late, or you can hand it in as it is, and the highest grade you'll see will be your old friend the letter "D". Pacey: That's not fair. Mr.Peterson: Fairness is overrated. Pacey: to Jack Is it just me or does that man get meaner everyday? Jack: It's not you. Mr.Peterson: Excuse me, Mr. McPhee? Jack: Uh, nothing... Mr.Peterson: I hope that your poetry assignment went well, Mr. McPhee. We're all very aware of how critical it is to your deficient grade in this class. Jack just nods. Jack: Sure, yeah...it went fine. Mr.Peterson: Then, perhaps you would like to read your poem to the class. Jack: nervously Um, you said these poems were just for you. Mr.Peterson: I changed my mind. These things happen. Please, read us your poem. Jack: Um...I'd really rather not... Mr.Peterson: Mr.McPhee, what you would rather do is of no importance to me. Jack: I-um, if it's okay with you, can I just hand it in? Mr.Peterson: Read the poem. Jack: Please. I don't-- Mr.Peterson: We're waiting. Jack: very nervously takes his paper and stands up Um...sighs Today Today was a day the world got smaller. Darker. Even more afraid. Not of what I am... Jack looks up, fearfully. Mr.Peterson: Continue... Jack: (cont.) I grew more afraid. Not of what I am, But what I could be. I loosen my collar to take a breath. My eyes fade and I see... I see him. An angel of perfection, His frame strong. His lips smooth. I keep thinking what am I so scared of? And I wish I could escape the pain but these thoughts, They invde my head, Like shackles of guilt. They upleash at me. He's started to cry...* Jack: Excuse me. He rushes out of the room. Pacey gets up to follow. Mr.Peterson: What are you doing? Pacey: I'm going to see if he's alright. Mr.Peterson: You'll do nothing of the kind. Sit down. Pacey: But he was crying! Mr.Peterson: I said SIT DOWN! Pacey slowly walks back to his seat. Mr.Peterson: Okay, everyone, open your books to pg.57. Pacey just sits there and gives him a deadly stare. Cut to Pacey and Dawson, in the computer lab. Dawson leans over to try to see Joey's screen. Joey: What are you doing? Dawson: smiles Nothing. Joey: What? Dawson: Just trying to get a peek at your secret online handle. What is it? PCJoey? PerkyPotter? Joey: What's yours? SpielbergStud? Dawson: No. The camera pans to a group of boys at another set of computers right behind Joey and Dawson. Boy#1: And he started to cry... Boy#2: No way. Boy#1: I heard it from, like, half the class. He's reading this poem and he was just crying... Boy#3: Wait a minute...who is this? Boy#2: Jack McPhee, the new kid. Cut to Joey's face when she hears his name and she's listening to the conversation. Boy#2 (offscreen): Peterson makes him read his poem in class. He starts crying. The camera zooms out to show Dawson's reaction, too. He's listening intently, confused. Joey looks confused, also. Boy#2 (offscreen, cont.): Here's the best part. The poem was about a guy. McPhee's a total hm. Boy#1: Total. I mean, look at him. Close up on Joey's confused reaction. Cut to Bessie and Joey helping a table. Bessie: to customers Thank you! Dawson walks in Bessie: Hi Dawson! Dawson: Hey. He goes up to Joey. Dawson: Joey, hey, you got a second? Joey: Sure. Dawson: Um, have you talked to Jack yet? Joey: No, we haven't really talked about it yet. He's still kind of upset about it... Dawson: I can imagine. The rumor mill is going into overdrive on this one. I've heard about it twice more. Joey: You think that's bad? I've heard everything from Jack is seen regularly wearing dresses down Main Street to he's checked into a monastery to deal with his sexual ambibilance. Dawson: You're pretty flip about this. Joey: What? It's all just a big joke? Dawson: Is it? Joey: What are you insinuating? Dawson: I'm not insinuating anything. I'm just...I'm concerned about you. Joey: What are you trying to do, Dawson? Give validity to some ridiculous rumor that Jack's gay? Dawson: No, Joey, I never said that! Joey: You pretty much did. Dawson: Look, Joey, all I'm trying to do is find out what's going on and I hope that you would know me well enough to know that my concern is genuine, okay? There's no need to be so defensive about this. Joey: Oh, I'm not being defensive, Dawson. Why don't we just say what this conversation is really about? Your passive-aggressive way to highlight some flaw in Jack that would get us to break up! Dawson: That's way over the line. Joey: No, from where I'm standing, I think it's perfectly in balance. Cut to the McPhee house. Andie and Pacey are sitting at the table, studying. Andie: So in 1936, the Stalin constitution was adopted. Communists everywhere boasted that now the Soviet Union was the most democratic country in the world. Jack comes down the stairs. Jack: I'm going to go down the the Icehouse and help clean up. I'll see you later. Pacey: Later, Jack! He leaves. Pacey: Well, you're a bit frosty. Andie: Pardon me? Pacey: Jack. He's had a long day and you've hardly said two words to him this whole afternoon. Andie: Well, I don't understand why he had to write that poem in the first place. If he hadn't written something that could be so easily misinterpreted then... Pacey: What? If he'd have censored himself? Andie: Don't twist my words. Look, I know Jack better than you do, Pacey, and ever since we were kids he's had this whole different Drummer thing going on and not everybody gets it. He should have known better than to expose himself to someone as venomous as Peterson, that's all. Pacey: Well, Andie, I may be wrong here, but I don't think that guest-starring in his own public humiliation was Jack's intention. There's something deeper going on there. Andie: Like? Pacey: Like...maybe you should talk to him. Andie: About what? Pacey: Well, for starters, the poem. Maybe it wasn't misinterpreted. Andie: I'm--no. No. Jack is not gay. He's talked about girls his entire life. He's crazy about Joey. He hates Madonna. He's not gay. Pacey: Well, have you ever asked him? Andie: No. I don't need to. Pacey: Well, hypothetically speaking, if he were gay...how would that make you feel? Andie: I guess I'd be disappointed. Pacey: Disappointed. Geez, Andie... Andie: You asked me how I'd feel! Look, I don't need this. I don't need to be criticized for a hypothetical feeling over a hypothetical situation that is completely unfathomable. Pacey: Well, for Jack's sake, I hope you're right. Cut to Jen's house. The phone rings. Jen: Hello? Ty: What if I didn't ask you out on a date, persay? Then, you wouldn't have to worry about our breakup due to ideological difficulties and you could still go out with me. And non-Bible related, I promise. Jen: Sorry Jack. Ty: Aw, Jen. Have a little faith in me. Maybe under this Sunday school venire lies a partying maniac. Jen: I doubt it. I'm hanging up. She does and the phone rings again. She picks up. Ty: I told you I was persistent. Jen: You know, persistent isn't exactly the word that comes to mind right now. Ty: C'mon, Jen! I'll pick you up at 9. Jen: No! She hangs up. The phone rings again. She picks up. Ty: 9:45. Going once, going twice... Jen: You really are persistent. Ty: C'mon Jen! Just a couple of hours. Jen: Be here at 10. She hangs up. Cut to the Icehouse. Jack is washing off some tables and Joey walks up. Bessie: Jo! Did you get the cleaning supplies for the kitchen? Joey: Got 'em right here. Bessie: Great! Jack: Here. I'll get 'em. He takes them and walks off. Bessie: He's been quiet as a church mouse all night. What happened? Joey: You don't even want to know. Bessie: Poor guy looks like he lost his best friend. Go talk to him. Joey: But he doesn't want to! I mean, how do you talk to somebody about something that they've made perfectly clear they don't want to talk about? Bessie: Well, I always start with 'Long day, huh?'. It opens the conversation up. So, I'm all through here. If you could lock up, that'd be great! See ya! Joey: Okay... Jack walks in. Joey sighs. Joey: Long day, huh? Jack: If you want to ask me something, I suggest you just ask it. Joey: I'm sorry, Jack. It's just...people are already saying things. Jack: Since when do you care what other people are saying? Joey: Well, maybe it's because you still haven't offered me any kind of explanation for what you wrote. Jack: I don't have to. Joey: You're right. You don't. It's just that, you know, being the one that you are dating, it'd be nice to know if there was a particular reason you wrote a poem about a guy. It has to have some degree of importance in your life, considering it did make you cry in front of a roomful of people. Jack: Alright, look, I sat down last night, before I went to bed, and for half an hour, I wrote what I was feeling. And one of the images that came into my head was masculine, nothing sexual about it, okay? It could have been me, it could have been the image of my brother. I don't know, Joey. But I do know that there was nothing gay about that poem. And as for the crying...I don't know. It ht a weird nerve as I was reading it. It just unleashed some stuff that I've been dealing with in my family. My brother's death...I don't know. It's the only explanation I can come up with and if it's not good enough for you then you can just believe what everyone else is saying. Joey: Jack...I don't believe what they're saying. Jack: I hope not. Because I adore you, Joey. And I assure you. If was to ever write a love poem....it would be about you. Nobody else. They hug* Cut to Jen and Ty walking into a club. Ty: I think you're really going to like this place. Jen: If I'd of known we were going to a club, I would have brought my fake I.D. Ty spots a singer. Ty: Sherry! Sherry: Hey! Ty: Good evening. You singing tonight? Sherry: Yeah, I'm up next. Any requests? Ty: Yeah, um...something romantic. And two martinis. Sherry: You've got it, Ty. Ty: Thanks. Have a seat. Jen: (missed line -- mumbling) Isn't that a little bit against the rules? Ty: Who's rules? Jen: Drinking, this whole Swinger lifestyle...it's not exactly Sunday school clean. Ty: But...right now, we're not in Sunday school. Cut to the singer...then Jen and Ty dancing...Cut to school the next day. Copies of Jack's poem were copied and pasted all around school. Pacey and Andie are ripping them down. Pacey: Tonight on a very special episode of Capeside High...it's Jack's poem. This is ridiculous. Can you believe this? Andie: Why? Why would they do this? Cut to Mr. Peterson's class. Mr.Peterson: Mr. McPhee? Jack: Yes? Mr.Peterson: Would you care to continue reading your now, very public, work of poetry? Jack: You can't be serious. Mr.Peterson: I am. You left us high and dry. If you want a completed grade, then you have to complete reading the poem. It's very simple. Jack: Why are you doing this to me? Pacey: Because he can. Pacey stands up and walks towards him Mr.Peterson: Mr. Witter, I suggest you sit down. Pacey: No. Mr.Peterson: SIT DOWN! Pacey: You want somebody to read the poem. I'll read it. Today Today was a day the world got smaller. Darker. I grew more afraid. Not of what I am but of what I could be. Mr.Peterson: I SAID STOP!!!! He grabs the paper away from Pacey. Mr.Peterson: You will listen to me when I talk to you, young man. Pacey: Why should I? Mr.Peterson: Well, that's it. I am writing you a pass and you can report immediately to Principal Markom's(?) office. Pacey: What part of you is it that gets off on torturing students? Everyone in this class may be afraid of you, but I'm not! I see your miserable scare tactics for exactly what they are, the misguided lassions of a bitter, lonely old man who only feels good when somebody in the class feels worse. Mr.Peterson: Thank you for the analysis, Mr. Witter. I'll send a check along with the 'F' you'll get on your report card. Pacey: You can't fail me! I've gotten a 'B' or better on every test we've had in this class. Mr.Peterson: Well, I can. I've been waiting to fail you all quarter. Pacey: You disgust me. Mr.Peterson: And you, Mr. Witter, are a failure. Destined to always be a failure. Trying to teach people like you is like spitting in the face of the entire educational system. Pacey spits in Mr.Peterson's face. Pacey: No, sir. That is spitting in the face of the entire educational system. Pacey walks out of the classroom. Cut to Pacey in the principal's office. Pacey: I won't apoligize. Principal: Yes, you will, Pacey. Pacey: No I won't. Mr.Peterson: What did I tell you? The child's an insubordinate little waste. Mr.Milo: Hey, you're hardly innocent either. Mr.Peterson: And what does that mean? Mr.Milo: You made a student cry and another student had an excessive reaction. Mr.Peterson: You call a student spitting in a teacher's face excessive? That's the understatement of the year. Principal: I suggest we reconvene tomorrow. Mr. Witter, hopefully, by that time you will have been capable of conguring up an apoligy and if not, I will have no choice but to give you a suspension. Pacey walks out and Jack is sitting on a bench. Pacey: Hey Jack. Listen, man, you didn't have to come down here. I appreciate it but... Jack: I did. Mr. Milo wants to talk to me. I can't imagine what about. Pacey: Yeah, they told me they wanted me to apoligize. I told them to go screw themselves. Jack: That was stupid. Pacey: Who's side are you on here anyway? Jack: My own. I can fight my own battles. You know, I didn't need you to make a spectacle out of this whole thing. Pacey: Wo, wo, wo. Stop right there, Jack. I thought I was doing you a favor in there. Jack: Well, you weren't. Look, I didn't need a hero. I recognize it's an addiction of yours but this is one instance when you just should have kept your nose out of it! Cut to Jen and Ty outside. Ty: Well, they weren't selling roses. Cupcake? Jen takes it. Jen: Thank you. Ty: So, full report. Tell me, was I not fun last night? Jen starts laughing. Ty: What's so funny? Jen: You. This... Ty: What? Jen: Alternate identities. Ty: You mean, student by day, ratpacker by night? Jen: Some people would call it the height of hypocracy. Ty: Well, it's not hypocritical at all. To me, it's something you go to church about on Sunday. Listen, my religion doesn't assume that I'm a perfect individual, Jen. In fact, it expects that I'm not. Jen: Ah, I see. So it's a party now, confess later sort of thing? Ty: You wanna do it again? C'mon. Your Grams likes me. Jen: She likes what she knows about you which apparently isn't all that much. Ty: And you plan on keeping it that way. Jen: There's a thought. Cut to Andie, Pacey, and Dawson walking down the hallway. Andie: So what are you going to do? Pacey: What do you mean? Andie: Well, about Peterson. You're going to apoligize, right? Pacey: No, I'm going to take the suspension. Andie: What? Pacey: After what that man did? I'm not going to apoligize to him, he doesn't deserve it. Andie: It doesn't matter what he did, Pacey. You spit in his face. Pacey: I was there. Thank you. Andie: Dawson? Dawson just keeps walking with them, silently. Pacey stops in amazement at them. Pacey: You too, huh? Dawson: Pacey, this is serious. Pacey: You think I don't know that? Dawson: All we're saying is be aware of the consequences. Pacey: I am aware of the consequences, alright? Cut to Jack coming out of the office where Joey's waiting for him. Jack: These are pamphlets Milo coincidentally just happened to have on his desk. Ever feel like you're trapped in one of those Lifetime movies? Joey: 'Gay and okay', 'What's my sexuality?', 'Am I gay?' God, this sounds like a bad game show. Cut back to Pacey, Andie, and Dawson walking down the hall. Andie: What about your gradepoint? You still care about that, don't you? It's not going to survive a suspension, Pacey. It will destroy all the hard work you've done and you'll be right back at square one. Pacey: An academic loser. Andie: That's not what I said. Pacey: But it's what you felt. Andie, everything that I've worked for, everything that you've helped me to become, is somebody who believes in himself and his instincts and every instinct in me tells me that what that man did in that classroom was wrong. Andie: But-- Pacey: It's just wrong! Andie gives up and turns around and she sees something and her face drops. The camera zooms out to Pacey's face which is very angry. Andie: Oh my God. Cut to Jack and Joey. Jack: I'm going to need your help with this, Joey. I have a feeling it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Joey: I'm here. Jack: Thanks. Jack and Joey look down the hall and both their faces drop. We cut to what they're looking at. On Jack's locker, some kids have spraypainted "fg" in red and there's a crowd around it, staring at him and his locker. Everyone just stands there for a minute, then Jack slowly walks through the crowd, stares at his locker, and then starts doing the combination. People whisper. Cut to Joey who looks like she's about to cry. Jack fumbles around in his locker some more. The same group still stands there. Joey tries to get herself together, running scenarios of what she should do in her mind. Finally, she walks towards him.* Joey: Kiss me. Jack: What? Why? Joey: Just cause. Joey pulls him in for a kiss and everyone in the crowd whispers among themselves. Cut to the McPhee house. Jack is drying dishes. Andie: Thanks for cleaning up. Jack: Dialogue. That would mean you're talking to me again. Andie: I've been really unfair the last couple of days. Jack: It's okay. I knew you'd come around. Andie: Do you have to be so immensely forgiving? Do you have an ounce of meanness anywhere in your body? At the very least it would make for our sibling squabbles more interesting. Jack: Why make them interesting? I win them as they are. Andie: It's just...been really hard. Jack: For both of us. Andie: But you're better suited for it. Jack: Nobody's suited for public ridicule, Andie. You just deal with it. Andie: I don't. When I first heard what happened to you in class, my initial reaction was resentment. Of all the possibilities, you know, I didn't even feel sorry for you. I just...thought, oh great, thanks, when things finally seemed to be slowing down in my life, and now I have to deal with this. And everything that has happened to us in our lives just made me so afraid. And I didn't think anyone could understand that, especially you. I mean you're so strong and independent and then....and then....holds up folded sheet of paper I read this. Your poem. I kept one of the ones I tore down. It's a really beautiful poem, Jack. And I don't know if it means that you're gay or not and I really don't care. But I'll tell you what I do know. The person who wrote this poem...he's just as scared as I am. Jack, you're terrified and I'm your sister and I had no idea. I just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you. And I love you. And you're not alone. They hug. Jack: Thank you. Cut to Joey running up the dock towards Dawson's house. Cut to Dawson's room where he's studying the mini-model of Capeside. Joey appears in the window. Joey: Dawson, can I come in? Dawson: surprised Wo! Um...yeah. Joey: Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. It's been a highly irregular few days and climbing this ladder is the sheerest form of normalcy I know. Dawson: Yeah...come in. Joey: I just wanted to say I'm sorry about yesterday. Dawson: It's okay. I understand. Joey: sees Capeside model Wow. This is amazing. This is the whole town. Dawson: It's incredible, isn't it? Jack built it just for the film. Joey: sighs Dawson, I need your advice. And I know because of the situation it may be hard to dispense it but...I really need it. Dawson: Anything. Talk to me. Joey: I'm thinking that maybe....you were right....about....Jack and the poem. Dawson: That he meant to write it. Joey: Well, he says he didn't and he has 1,000 reasonable excuses that all make sense only....they don't make sense. I keep wishing that I just would have done what you told me and just asked him if...um...laughs at the situation he was gay. Dawson: So why don't you? Joey: If I ask him then he'll know that I've considered it. And if he knows that I've considered it then it will always be there that I've considered it. Dawson: It's the elephant in the room syndrome. The obvious but unspoken topic. The thing that's always lurking but never brought up. Of course, in your case, it's a gay elephant. Joey: You know, this isn't funny. Dawson: Sorry, I had to say it. Joey flops back on the bed. Dawson: You have to ask him. I mean, if there's one thing that I've learned about relationships in the past year is that they begin and end with honesty and if you want to save what you have with Jack, looks down and I believe it's worth saving, it's that you've got to be honest, you know? So, go. Go hunt an elephant. Joey gets up and slowly heads for the window. Joey: Alright...thanks... She turns around and considers Dawson's behavior. Joey: Thank you. She leans in and kisses him on the cheek and heads for the window. Dawson sighs. Cut to Dawson and Pacey sitting outside of the principal's office. Mr. Peterson walks in and looks at Pacey. He smiles evily before he enters the office. Pacey: Look at that guy. Tell me he does not have it out for me. Dawson: Well, if he didn't already then he certainly does now. Pacey: You know, maybe I should just do it. I should just apoligize. Dawson just sits there. Pacey: You don't think what I did was right, do you? Dawson: I can't judge. I wasn't there. Pacey: But would you have done it yourself? Dawson: No. Pacey: And if I go in there and I can't apoligize. Would you be ashamed of me? Dawson: smiles In my lifetime, Pacey, I will never be ashamed of you. Mr. Milo comes out of the office. Mr.Milo: Pacey, we're ready for you. Pacey gets up and goes in. Inside, he walks over to the center of the room. Principal: Mr. Witter, I trust that you've had ample time to put into proper perspective the events of yesterday morning. Pacey: I have, yeah. Principal: Well, the ball's in your court. We're all ears. Pacey: I should start my saying that I'm more ashamed for what I did in that classroom yesterday than anything I have done in my life. It was dad wrong and I have no case here and I'm sorry. However, I am not now, nor will I ever be, apolegetic for it's intention. Everyday we, the students of Capeside, come to a place where you guys are in charge. You tell us when to arrive, and when to leave, and when to move rooms, and when to eat. You tell us when we're doing well and when we need to be doing better and we never, ever question it because we're afraid to. To question it is to go against the belief that the entire system is built upon. The belief that you guys know what's right. And I'm not afraid to tell you that what happened in that classroom was not right. To make a student cry, to embarress him, to strip him of his dignity in front of his classmates, is not right. And while I do respect the system, I do NOT respect men like you, Mr. Peterson, I don't. I can't. And I never will. Not after what you did. You have a good afternoon. He leaves. Cut to Pacey sitting on a dock, alone, later that night. Andie walks up to him.* Andie: How'd it go? Pacey: As well as could be imagined. They're suspending me for a week. Why'd you bother coming down here? Andie: Because I care about you. Pacey: Do you? Andie: What kind of question is that? Pacey: It's a reasonable one, Andie. Do you have any idea what I went through today? Do you know how much I needed your support? Andie: Pacey, I can't support everything you do. I never will. Pacey: I don't need you to agree with everything I say, Andie. The world would be a boring place if you did. But what I do need to know is that somehow, some way, you're there for me. Andie: How dare you. I challenge one action of yours and you throw it in my face as if it's some kind of weakness? Pacey: It's not just me! You weren't there for your brother, either! Andie: Oh, yes I was. I apoligized to him and I was coming to apoligize for you but for some reason, I was struggling with it all the way down here. That reason has become crystal clear. Jack is innocent, Pacey. What's happening right now he has no control over. But you. Pacey, you knew exactly what you were doing in that classroom. Pacey: Well, what would you have me do, Andie? Just stand there and let Peterson do that to him? Andie: There are other ways of handling-- Pacey: When I knew the whole time that IT WAS MY FAULT. It was MY fault. Peterson knew that he couldn't get the best of me so he went after your brother. If I hadn't of instigated him that day...none of this would have happened. I did whatever I could to stop it. I had to stop it. Andie: Why didn't you tell me that you felt responsible? Pacey: Because, Andie, you didn't want to hear it. You just wanted me to clean up the mess. But there are some messes you just have to live with. I'm going home now. Andie: Do you want me to come with you? Pacey: No. Not tonight. Pacey starts walking home. Cut to the Icehouse. Joey walks in while Jack is cleaning. Joey: Hey Jack. Jack: Hey, where you been? I've been covering both shifts. Joey: Are you gay? Jack: Excuse me? Joey: Are you gay? You don't have to answer right away. I just had to ask right away because it's just been building up inside of me and there's just no easy way for a girl to ask her boyfriend if he's gay so I know that you already explained to me that the poem wasn't about a guy but I feel like when we discuss it we never really discuss it and I never really ask the one important question that you can feel free to answer any minute now so that-- Jack: No. I'm not gay. Joey: Okay. You don't know what a relief that is. I mean, I don't care, I would have dealt with it fine, I promise. Just who wants to deal with all the obvious and not obvious issues of a girl who's dating a guy who turns out to be gay and it's just so hard. Jack puts his hands on her shoulders and she shuts up. They kiss. Jack: Feel better? Joey: You don't even know. Would you do me a favor? Jack: Yeah, what? Joey: No more poems for awhile. Jack: You got it. No more poems. They kiss and then they hug and Joey's face is of contentment and Jack seems to be deep in thought about...his sexuality.	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x14 - To Be or Not to Be..."}	foreverdreaming
Episode 215 "...And That is the Question" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Grams: Mary Beth Piel Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: February 17, 1999 Dawson's room - Pacey is watching "Jerry Maguire" Jerry: on TV I'm starting a new company. The fish will come with me. You can call me sentimental... Dawson walks in Dawson: Dawson Leery, personal homework carrier, has arrived. Apparently, just in time for a private screening in his home theater. Pacey: Dawson, when my suspension is over tomorrow, I'll go back home, but until then, I'm willing to risk you getting sick of me for invading your personal domain because hiding out here and alienating you...beats the hell out of trture and death in the hands of my father at home. Dawson: Well, I'm happy to help. I'm just saying that I will be happy when my room returns to it's original owner...and odor. So...Jerry Maguire again, huh? Pacey: Yeah, I'm running it on a continuous loop. It speaks to my current situation as a renegade moral crusader. So...what's new in the land of higher education? Dawson: Well, pretty much the same old plus the ol' sexual identity crisis. Pacey: How is Jack? Dawson: Well, he seems okay. He's kind of keeping a low profile. Pacey: And, uh...Joey? Dawson: She's fine. Pacey: Uh...Andie? Dawson: Um..last I heard she had run off to Bali with a Brazilian soap star named Diego. I hear she's very happy, though, and tan. Would you just call her, you idiot? I can't believe you've let a week go by without even talking to her. Pacey: Dawson, it's not that easy, okay? Andie thinks I'm responsible for dragging another McPhee scandal through the school quarters and I think she was being short-sided and selfish and insensitive so right now, we're at an impass. Dawson: No, last week you were at an impass. Right now, you're just in avoidance. Pacey sighs and Dawson sits down.* Dawson: Right now, she's hurting and you care about her, Pacey. Just...apoligize. Swallow your pride and get your girlfriend back. Pacey: I don't want to apoligize to her, Dawson! I stood up for something that I believed in and I was right! I mean, look at my man Jerry, here. His mission statement. He took a stand. Dawson: And he lost everything. He had to beg, grovel, and crawl to get it all back. And he was not sleeping on his best friend's floor. Pacey: I thought you said I could have the bed tonight. Dawson: I don't think so. Pacey: Joey gets the bed. Dawson: laughs Don't go there. Cut to Jen and Ty kissing in front of the school. Ty: I'll see you later. Jen: Okay. Ty: Okay, bye! Jen: Bye! Ty walks off and Dawson walks up to Jen. Dawson: Love blooms in Capeside. Jen: laughs God, I feel so silly. It's like I have this stupid Junior High crush. Dawson: It's great. I'm very happy for you. He seems like a really nice guy, too. Jen: He is. Very cool. Dawson: Great. Jen: Actually, um, feel like joining us? I'm planning a little evening excursion tonight. Dawson: A bible party? Jen: Not exactly... Cut to Joey digging in her locker and Jack's standing behind her. Jack: How deep does this thing go? Joey: I can't find my econ. book. She hands a book and a purse to Jack among many other things he's been holding for her as she searches. He kind of hangs the purse off his shoulder. Morgan: Oooh! Nice purse, McPhee! Jack: Oh! Let me know if you want to borrow it sometime, Morgan! Joey: What a jerk. Jack: Whatever. Joey: It would just be nice if the running commentary would come to a stop, that's all. Jack: And what? Give up my role as Capeside's most talked about non-hm? Joey: You know what I mean. I mean, Jack you're not gay. So what is the joy in talking about something that has already been refuted. Jack: Ah, well, we're going to have to fight fre with fre here. What do you say we make love on the student green? Joey stops, not in the mood for joking around. Jack: Wait, wait! Even better! We could end me. We could have a "going into the closet" party and then everybody could come dressed up as their favorite straight person. Joey: laughs Get to class, Straight Boy. Jack: gruff voice Uh, uh, no. That's, uh, Bubba to you. He kisses her on the cheek then walks off down the hall. Joey's face drops and Dawson walks up. Dawson: I know that look... Joey: Yeah, okay, well you can still look but you can't ask, okay? Dawson: Okay. Tonight, um, Jen has convinced me to tag along to this club that Ty likes. You wanna come? Joey: I can't. Dawson: Okay. Joey: I'm sorry, um, thank you for asking. It's just that, um, Jack and I have plans to study. Dawson: Ohh. Sounds like fun. Joey: We haven't been focusing too much on fun recently. Dawson: Well, maybe you should. You know, invite him to come along with us. Or you could, laughs I can't believe I'm suggesting this, just plan something for the two of you alone. Maybe even something...romantic. Joey: surprised Dawson Leery. I can't believe you're giving me relationship advice. Dawson: There are easier things in the world. Anyways, I gotta go. He takes off down the hall and Joey has that "What-a-nice-guy-I-kind-of-wish-I-was-still-with-him" look on her face. Joey: Dawson! Dawson: Yeah? Joey: chickens out and fakes like she forgot Nothing... Dawson smiles and goes into class as Joey scrunches her eyebrows and goes to her class. Cut to Peterson's Creative Writing class. Mr.Peterson: Miss Sullivan...Mr. Weinert...and, of course, Mr. Witter. Pacey: Here. Mr.Peterson: What a delight it is to have you return. Tell me, did you think of us while you were on...hiatus? Pacey: Everyday. Mr.Peterson: pointing to papers What's that? Pacey: It's all four assignments that I missed while I was gone. I didn't want to run the risk of getting an incomplete on any of them. Mr.Peterson: I'll be sure to take your diligence into consideration and this is your poetry assignment. I'm sorry you weren't able to get it back sooner! Pacey looks at it, he got an 'F' Pacey: What exactly was wrong with this? Mr.Peterson: Well, in my educated, editorial analysis....it stunk. Pacey: So, as my teacher, you have no comments or advice on how I might compose a poem more to your liking? Mr.Peterson: Yes. Write better. From now on, people, your grades will be subjective, whim to my personal taste. Those of you with talent, intelligence, and ability will have no problem and the rest of you should come to terms with your inevitable failure. Cut to Dawson and Pacey in the cafeteria. He's looking at his poem. Pacey: He's setting it up to fail me. Dawson: And you can't drop it because it's halfway through the semester. Pacey: Bingo. Which puts me at about a 7.4 on the "Screwed" Richter. Andie walks in across the cafeteria and takes a seat by herself, glancing at Pacey. Pacey: Or, make that 7.8. The phase of massive destruction. Dawson: Go talk to her. Pacey: She saw me. She could come over her. Dawson: Pacey. Go. Pacey: I will. I just want to give it a second. Cut to Jack sitting a table. Joey walks up and hands him a piece of paper. Jack: What's this? Joey: A menu. Jack: I realize that. Joey: Look, if you don't like anything, just let me know. That's what I'll be cooking tonight. Jack: For who? Joey: You and me. We're going to have the dinner to end all dinners. At my house on the dock. And I was thinking...what it leads to from there....only the fates can say. Jack: That sounds romantic. Joey: Well, that's the plan, Stan. Jack: You're something else, Joey. I don't know what I'd do without you supporting me through all this. Joey: Well, it goes with the territory of kind of dating you. She kisses him on the cheek. Cut back to Pacey and Dawson. Pacey is watching Andie. He gets up and walks over. Andie: Hi. Pacey: Hi. Andie: You haven't called. Pacey: Last I checked my phone has an incoming line. Andie: You left me stranded on a pier after telling me that I was weak and insensitive. I really wasn't up for talking to you. Pacey: And you judged and abandoned me when I needed you the most. I thought I'd wait for your call. Andie: My call? And I'd call and say what? Pacey: For starters, "I'm sorry." Andie: I agree. "I'm sorry," would be nice to hear. Look, was there anything else you wanted because we really don't seem to be making any progress here. Pacey: Well, Andie, I just saw you sitting over here and I thought I'd come say hello. Any progress beyond that I hadn't really considered. Andie: Well, consider this. Hello is typically followed by one thing. Andie closes her book and packs up. Andie: Goodbye. She walks out of the cafeteria leaving Pacey behind. In the hallway, she meets up with Jack. Jack: What was that about? Andie: I don't want to talk about it. I'm late to meet Mr. Milo. Jack: What do you mean? Andie: Nothing. I didn't want to bother you. It's just that he's been calling for mom lately and I've been covering and finally he just asked me to come in, that's all. Jack: Andie, that's where I'm going. He asked me to come in, too. I figured it was just more of his good guy, counselor BS. Andie: I wonder why he wants us both to come in. Cut to Mr. Milo's office. A man is tapping his fingers against the desk. Andie and Pacey enter and Andie's eyes light up. Andie: Daddy!! She runs and gives him a hug. Mr.McPhee: Hello, sweetheart. Jack just gives him a cold stare. Andie is happy with his return. Cut to Joey packing napkins, candles, etc. into a picnic basket. She's dressed up. The phone rings. Joey: Hello? Jack: (other end) Uh...a romantic evening for two? Joey: Yes. Jack: I can't come. Joey: concerned Why? Jack: It's my dad. He came in from Rhode Island. He wants to take Andie and me to dinner. Joey: confused Well, that's good, right? Jack: Yeah, hardly. Milo called him. Told him everything that's been going on at school. So I think I'm going to have to take a raincheck. Joey: disappointed Uh, um, hey, well, that's completely understandable. Jack: I'm sorry, Joey. I hope I haven't ruined your whole evening. Joey: No. Um, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Um, I'll find something to do. Jack: Alright. Well, I guess I'll see you then? Joey: Yeah, okay, yeah...I'll see you later. Jack: Thanks. Joey: Yeah, bye. Jack: Bye. Joey hangs up the phone and walks over to her mirror and starts to take her hair down. Then, she seems to remember something and she picks up the phone and dials a number. Cut to the blues club Jen and Ty were at last episode. Dawson and Joey are following Jen and Ty. Dawson: Okay, this place couldn't be seedier. Joey: Dawson, it's not that bad. I mean, it sure beats sitting home feeling dumb. Dawson: Yeah, but... They all sit down at a table, watching the singer. Dawson: So, Ty, I take it you come here a lot? Ty: Yeah, it's practically home. Waiter: What'll it be, Ty? Ty: Um, four usuals. Joey: What's a usual? Ty: It's, um, a surprise. A rather stiff surprise. Joey: I, um, I'll have a coke. Dawson: Me too. The singer finishes the song on stage. Everyone claps. Singer: Ty, honey, it's your turn. Ty: Duty calls. He walks up onstage and takes a seat at the piano. Dawson: What's he--What's he doing? Jen: I have NO idea. He starts playing the piano for the song. Dawson: Oookay... Joey: Where'd he learn how to play like that? Jen: Church? Dawson: What is his deal? I mean, doesn't his religion frown on this? Jen: Yeah, well, he's got issues. Joey: He's perfect for you! Jen: Thank you so much! Joey laughs Dawson: Okay, can we just stop and comment on the irony of the three of us sitting here? Jen: Oh, you mean the proverbial, proverbial triangle. Dawson: I mean, here I am, single, sandwiched in between two women who both dumped me. It's pathetic. Jen: Hey, look at me, I'm dating a bible-bumping hypocrite, okay? Joey: Hey, my boyfriend may be gay. They all laugh Jen: Bartender! Dawson: Three usuals! Joey: And hurry! They laugh again. Cut to Pacey at the library. Librarian: These are the code of conduct finals for every public job in the county including teaching guidelines. Not that I care, but why exactly are you doing this? Pacey: Just trying to make the best of a bad situation. This is going to take forever. Librarian: No, it's going to take...20 minutes. We're closing. Pacey sighs. Cut to Andie, Jack, and their father at a restaurant. Andie: So the doctor gave Mom this new prescription. It's (missed word) but her behavior has noticeably improved. Oh, she'll be so happy to see you! Hey, I know! Tomorrow, I can make this fabulous breakfast and we can surprise her. Oh and I made the honor roll! Mr.McPhee: You always make honor roll. Andie: Well, I made it again. So...Jack! Why don't you tell Daddy about the Icehouse? Jack's working at this great restaurant downtown, I hear he's doing really well there. Mr.McPhee: You seem especially quiet tonight. Jack: Well, there's nothing to say. Everything's alright, I guess. Mr.McPhee: That's not the case, Jack. If everything were alright with the world, Mr. Milo would not have called me, insisted that I leave work, drive to Capeside and disrupt my life. Jack: Well, sorry to bother you, Dad. Mr.McPhee: Are you gay, Jack? Jack: Would you care? Mr.McPhee: That's not an answer and yes, I would. I think this family has enough problems. We don't need to add to them. Jack: And it would be a problem? Mr.McPhee: You're the only son I have now, Jack. You don't have Tim to hide behind anymore. People notice you now. Andie: Daddy, I think you've made your point. Mr.McPhee: Andie, this doesn't concern you. And I will have made my point when your brother makes the appropriate response to the question. If Jack really loves this family and appreciates all that we've done for him he'd realize that we already have enough to deal with in the way of problems that we can't help. And those that we can help, would be best resolved immediately. Did I make myself clear? Jack: Yes. Cut to Dawson and Joey slow dancing to a song. Dawson: So, are you having a good time? Joey: Actually, yeah. Dawson: Good. Joey: Thanks. Dawson: Yeah, me too. I'm sorry your plans didn't work out but...I'm really glad you're here. Jack is missing out. They keep dancing. Joey: You think he's gay, don't you? Dawson: I never said that. Joey sighs like "Please." Dawson: Okay, the thought has crossed my mind once. Joey raises her eyebrows. Dawson: And commited twice. I don't know, you know better than I do. Joey: Yeah, I do! Dawson: And do you know him as well as you know me? Joey: No, of course not. Not yet. I mean, I can't read his eyes the way I can yours. Dawson: So, what are my eyes saying right now. He looks at her with his "complete-adoration" look. Joey: Um, I think what your eyes are saying is how...comfortable it is for us to be here like this...together....as friends. Dawson: You're good. They keep dancing as we cut to Jen and Ty watching them from the table. Ty: You know, I don't get it. They make such a cute couple. Why would Joey want to be with a fruitfly? Jen: Jack's no fruitfly. Ty: Oh, come on, Jen. He's playing for the other team. Jen: You don't know that. Ty: Hey, if it looks like a duck, talks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it's a duck. Jen: Why does it even matter if he....is a duck? Ty: Well, it's his choice. If he wants to quack, more power to him. Jen: See I don't think it's exactly a choice you make. Ty: Well, see, that's what they want you to believe. That it's not a choice. But, you see, everything in life is a decision. And all ducks choose to quack and Jack's definitely a quacker. Jen: Are you kidding me or are you serious? Ty: Oh, I'm serious. Nobody has to quack if they don't want to. Cut to Jack laying on his bed tossing a rubber ball against the wall and catching it. Someone knocks at the door. Jack: Come in. Andie opens it. Andie: Hey. Jack: Hey. Andie: I'm sorry about tonight. He shouldn't have said those things. Jack: Well, it's okay. I don't expect any less. Andie: Jack. He hasn't had it easy. Jack: Yeah and life here on Windsor's been a bowl of cherries. Andie: Well, it's not going to get any better unless he comes back. Jack: Andie, come on! Andie: Well, it's true! I mean, we can not keep watching over Mom and everything. We are too young for this kind of responsibility. Jack: Then we'll get used to it cause he's not going to stay. You're a fool if you think he is. Andie: But if we make him see that we all need to be together then-- Jack: WHY?! Why do we need to?! Andie: Because he's our father. Jack: Andie, we lost him when Tim died and then Mom got sick and he bailed. So what makes you think things are going to be any different now? Andie: How do you expect him to accept you if that's the way you feel about him? If you keep on resisting loving him, how's he supposed to love you back? Jack: I don't know and frankly, I don't care. As far as I'm concerned, you can spend the rest of your life listing your accomplishments towards him, begging in his lap for a few meager signs of approval that he decides to toss your way but I can't do that. Andie: I don't think there is anything wrong for wanting my father to be proud of me. Jack: No, no, there isn't. But did you ever stop to wonder if you're proud of him? Cut to Ty and Jen at Jen's house. Jen: handing her a plate Thank you, Grams. Grams: I really like that Ty boy, Jennifer. Ty: That was a great sandwich, Mrs. Ryan. Grams: Would you like some more milk, Tyson? Ty: No, no, no thanks. One's my limit. I'm driving. Jen is sitting there quietly. Ty: Are you upset about something? Jen: No. No, it's--you know what, yeah. Yeah, actually I am. Ty: Let me guess. The quacking ducks. Jen: How can you think that it's wrong? Ty: Oh, I never said it was wrong, Jen. I just said it was a choice. Jen: So you think it's okay? Ty: No. No. I think it's wrong. It's in the Bible. Hey, Mrs. Ryan, what's the chapter that condemns hm as a sin? Grams: I believe it's the book of Li-- Jen: Grams, stay out of this. Please, okay? I'm not going to let you two gng up on me, here. How can you have such a narrow view of being gay? Ty: How can your view be so narrowly liberal? Jen: Ty, you're no Saint, you know that. Ty: I don't claim to be but one day, I'm going to have to answer to the Big Man and so will Jack. And if he's ready to take responsibility for his actions then he can do whatever he wants. I just think that his kind is damaging to the world at large. Jen: I can not believe you. For you to just magically suggest that someone can decide whether or not to be gay is insane. Ty: The facts don't lie, Jen! The gay movement has been nothing but medically and morally damaging to this country. Jen: What?! Grams: I've tried to stay out of this, but I can't, Jennifer. Jen: No, no! I am not going to let you guys moral majority me, here, when you don't even know all the facts! Grams: What I have to say is not directed at you, Jen, what I have to say is for Tyson. If Jack is gay, he does not need your judgement, young man. The Lord above will judge him, as he will all of us. What he needs from you, from me, from everyone else in this world is love and tolerance. If anything, that boy is feeling scared and alone and he will need the understanding of his fellow man to help him through this. Let's save judgement for someone much more experienced than you. Jen smiles and stands up next to Grams, those two ganged up on Ty. Cut to Dawson walking Joey home.* Joey: You know, you didn't have to walk me home. Dawson: Well, maybe I wanted to. How you doin'? Joey: Mm. Okay, I guess. Dawson: Did the blues club just make you more blue? Joey: Yeah... Dawson: Want to talk about it? Joey: It's stupid... She opens her door and Dawson follows her in. Dawson: If it's stupid you're talking to the right person, okay? I happen to have a world of experience when it comes to stupidity. Joey: Can I ask you something straight-forward and honest? Dawson: Yeah, you know you can. Joey: Um...am I sexual? Dawson: What? Joey: The thing is, um, I know that Jack's not gay but he's obviously confused about something and it's always kept him at a distance and I was just wondering if he chose me because...I'm safe. Dawson: Safe? Joey: Look at me. I'm Joey Potter, virgin at large. I don't really have any experience with men or relationships or sex. Dawson: Joey, you are extremely sexual. Joey: But you didn't see it. I mean, you fell for Jen, sex machine. I was something else to you. Dawson: Joey, I was just stupid. It took me time to see what was there. Joey: And what was there? Dawson: What was there was one amazingly, sexy girl. Joey, your sexuality is in everything you do. Your wit, your intelligence, your anger, your fiestiness. I see it more and more everyday. You're blossoming and it's amazingly sexy. Joey: Thanks, Dawson. Dawson: Look, I don't think the question is why did Jack choose you. I think the real question is why did you choose Jack? Dawson walks towards the door. Dawson: Goodnight. Joey: Goodnight, Dawson... Cut to the principal arriving at school and Pacey's waiting. Pacey: Principal Marky(?)! Principal: Pacey. Judging from your tardiness record, I didn't think you rose before 10. Pacey: Well, rising requires sleeping and I didn't get a chance to do that last night. This is for you. He hands her some papers. Principal: What is this? Pacey: It's a document I prepared. I checked out the state bilaws on professional antics for teachers and turns out, Mr. Peterson's in violation of almost every one. Principal: What's your point here? Pacey: reading All educators should maintain professional relationships with all students in a manner in which is free of indictiveness, recrimination, and harassment. Want me to keep reading? Principal: What are you suggesting? That I call Mr. Peterson to my office and give him Saturday detention? Pacey: No, you don't have to do anything. That folder contains over 20 other testimonies from students that I gathered last night. There's a school board meeting on Tuesday and I sent a copy of that to every person on the board. I want this man publicly reprimanded for his behavior. Principal: I hope you know what you're doing, Pacey. Pacey: I'm sorry if I had to go around you Principal Marky. But I was just trying to do the best I could with my given said circumstances. He walks off. Cut to the McPhee house. Mr.McPhee comes down the stairs with his suitcases. Andie: Daddy, where are you going? Mr.McPhee: I have to get back. I have three meetings this afternoon. Here's names of some nurse companies for your mother. We'll get help in here for ya. Andie: Well, can't you stay any longer? Mr.McPhee: No, I'm sorry. It's not possible. Andie: But you said we'd discuss it and we haven't yet. Mr.McPhee: Andie, don't get emotional. I'll be back in a few weeks. Jack: Don't bother. Mr.McPhee: Excuse me? Jack: I said don't bother coming back. Andie: Jack. Daddy and I are talking right now so please just let us talk. Mr.McPhee: Would you like to explain your comment? Jack: You don't want to be here so don't bother coming back. We have everything under control. Save yourself the gas mileage. Mr.McPhee: I will not suffer that tone from you. You understand me? I work too hard. Jack: Oh, that's always the excuse, isn't it? You work too hard. Well, I could care less how hard you work. What's the sense in trying to support a family you don't even care about? Mr.McPhee: Alright, that's it. Goodbye, Andie. I'll call you in a few days. He turns for the door but Jack runs for it and slams it shut, blocking his path. Jack: No, no, no! You're not going anywhere! Mr.McPhee: Get out of that doorway! Jack: No! This is one conversation that you can't run away from! You don't want to talk about Tim's death. Or Mom being sick or even why she's sick. You trust the reality of why your daughter's been on and off prescription drugs for the last two years. That's fine, too. yelling and crying But we are going to talk about me! Mr.McPhee: YOU CALM YOURSELF DOWN! Jack: No! I will NOT calm down and I will NOT be quiet! You want to resolve this then ask me again. Mr.McPhee: Ask you what? Jack: The question! Ask me the question again. Ask me if I'm gay. Ask me. Mr.McPhee: You are not gay. Jack: Yes. I am. You know it. I see how you look at me and I know, you know. Think about the way that you treated me and the way that you treated Tim because he was the real son and I was different. And as hard as you've tried to stamp it out and ignore it, I have tried HARDER. I have tried harder than you to be quiet and to forget it and to not bother my family with my problems.walks over and sits on the stairs, crying But I can't try anymore because it hurts. I'm sorry, Dad. Andie, I'm sorry. I don't want to be going through this, but I am. Andie goes over to the steps and sits with him, comforting him. Mr.McPhee: Stop crying, both of you. I said stop crying. Andie: Leave! Mr.McPhee: Andie, this is between Jack and me. Andie: Not anymore it's not! Just leave. Get out of here! He leaves and Andie goes to comfort Jack, still crying on the stairs. Cut to Jack walking outside of school. He spots Joey and runs up to her. Jack: Joey, hey! Joey: Hey! You survived dinner. Jack: Barely. Hey, listen, can we make some plans to see each other tonight? Joey: Sure. Calling in your raincheck? Jack: Yeah, I really need it. Joey: Okay. So I guess until tonight, then? Jack: Okay. They kiss quickly. Jack: See ya. Joey: Bye! Cut to Jack and everyone reading a sign on Peterson's door. Pacey walks up. Pacey: What's going on? Jack: No Peterson today. We're supposed to go to study hall up in the library. Pacey: Mm. Jack: Um, Pacey! I've been meaning to tell you something for awhile. Thank you. Pacey: Your welcome, man. Pacey keeps walking and looks in the room and sees Peterson sitting at his desk. He goes into the room. Pacey: Why isn't class in session? Mr.Peterson: Oh, you didn't get the latest update? Your favorite teacher's leaving this god-forsaken institution. Pacey: I don't get it. You haven't even gone before the board yet. Mr.Peterson: Please. You didn't really think I'd appear before some collection of idiot parents and have them tell me what I've done wrong for the past 30 years. I'd rather eat dirt. I was planning on retiring in 6 months but your action gave me every reason in the world to make an early exit. Pacey: Mr. Peterson, this may feel a little late in coming but I am sorry. Mr.Peterson: That stunt was one of the most admirable moments of your life. Don't ruin it with an apoligy. Pacey: You are unbelievable, man. What is it inside of you that makes you so damn mean? Mr.Peterson: Mr. Witter, as awful a man as you find me to be, you came here to learn from me. Pacey: I have learned, sir. I've learned that respect is not commanded through fear. It's earned through compassion. Mr.Peterson: Then tell me this. Should I respect you? You're responsible for ending my career. Where is the compassion in that? He leaves, leaving Pacey alone in the classroom. Cut to Jen on the swing in her yard. Ty walks up. Ty: I come in peace. Nursing my wounded ego. Hoping for redemption. Jen: Ty...this just isn't going to work out. I'm sorry but there's too many differences and I can't seem to get beyond some of your inherent views. Ty: So we can't disagree? I thought a relationship was about growing together. If you think that my beliefs are wrong, teach me. Show me another way. Jen: Ty, it's not that easy. Ty: Well, relationships aren't easy. All I'm saying is I'm open-minded. My narrow-minded ways are open for discussion. What about your liberal views? Are they open? You are a smart, beautiful girl...can't we just see what happens next? Jen: Well, you certainly have a charm, don't you? Cut to Pacey walking out on the student green. He spots Andie, who spots him. Andie closes her book and gets up and walks towards Pacey. Andie: I've been looking for you... Pacey: No, actually, I came to talk to you.. Andie: No, before you say a word, Pacey, I need to say something. I want to apoligize. Pacey: No, I came to apoligize. Andie: No, I should be the one. I've been treating you so unfairly. Pacey: No, but I hurt you with my little crusade, okay? I never thought about how it might effect you. I just got obsessed. Andie: Wait a minute, why do you get to be the only one who apoligizes? Pacey: Why are you arguing with me about it? Andie: Because I failed you. Pacey: I was self-riteous to the point of alienating everything I cared about. Andie: But I forced you to live up to these unreasonable expectations. Pacey: Okay! McPhee, shut up and let me apoligize, okay? This last week without you has been a living hell and I don't ever want to have to go through another moment like that. I'm sorry, McPhee. Andie: You're forgiven, Pacey. Pacey: It's your turn now. Andie: It's just that I molded you into this person that I thought you should be and I did it to my father, too. I thought it was what I needed, you know? I place this unfair burden on people just so they can save me from myself but I realize I don't need a knight in shining armor. I need a partner. Someone I'm proud to love and who's proud to love me back in spite of all my faults and it's you. You're the one, Pacey. I'm sorry. Pacey: How come your apoligy was so much better than mine? I always lose to you, Andie. They kiss. Pacey: I take that back. I'm definitely the winner here. Cut to Jack walking towards Joey who is lighting candles outside of her house for their "dinner". Joey: Heyyy! You're early! I haven't finished lighting the candles and the foods still inside. The kiss again (quickly) Jack: Wow. Joey, this is magnificent. Joey: Yeah, I'd be pretty impressed if I were you. Jack: You shouldn't have done this. Joey: I wanted to. Jack: I know, but you shouldn't have. Joey: This is where I say "Uh, oh" right? Jack: Look, Joey, I don't really know where to start.. Joey: Just be honest with me. I mean, this time...just be honest. Please. Jack: This morning I told my father I was gay. Joey: So you are. You're gay. Jack: Well, I, I mean, I'm not-- Joey: You're not gay? Jack: No. Joey: Part gay? Jack laughs Joey: No, um, please don't laugh at me. I don't know what you're trying to say, um, you're gay? Jack nods sort-of crying. Joey starts nodding. Jack: When I wrote that poem, it clicked something inside of me that has been quiet for so long and it made me realize that whatever it is I'm going through is not going to go away. Maybe ever. Joey, I care about you so much. You've been such a good friend to me which is why I can't stand the thought of losing you, but I don't want to hurt you either. Joey: I, um, I know the rest. Thank you for being honest with me. Jack reaches across the table and grabs her hand. Jack: Thank you for being you. Cut to Andie eating her dinner at her house. Jack walks in. She gets up and they hug. Cut to Dawson laying on his bed watching television. Joey crawls through the window. Dawson looks at her with confusion. She starts crying and walks over and lays her head on his chest and cries. Dawson kisses the top of her head and she continues to cry and then ending credits. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x15 - ...That Is the Question"}	foreverdreaming
Episode 216 "Be Careful What You Wish For" CAST Dawson: James Van Der Beek Joey: Katie Holmes Pacey: Joshua Jackson Jen: Michelle Williams Andie: Meredith Monroe ALSO STARRING Gail: Mary-Margaret Humes Mitch: John Wesely Shipp Bessie: Nina Repeta Abby: Monica Kenna ORIGINAL AIRDATE: March 3, 1999 Dawson's room - Pacey walks in Pacey: Dawson, what's up? I came over as soon as I got your message. Dawson: I'm freaking out. grabs clock Pacey: Why? What's the problem? Dawson tosses the clock to Pacey Dawson: It's almost midnight. Pacey: Yeah...it's your birthday. In a couple of minutes you're going to be 16. Congratulations, man, this is a major turning point. Dawson: And I am eternally lost as a species on this planet. Pacey: Oh, this is going to be bad... Dawson: I'm about to be 16 in a matter of minutes and I'm still....me. The same whiny, adolescent, big-talking, small-doing loser that I was a year ago. Pacey: C'mon, Dawson, that's not true. Dawson: It's completely true! I mean, think about it. Every single person that I know is growing up and moving forward in some way. I mean, Joey is busy finding herself. You've got this whole sab, do-gooder, boyfriend thing. Jen is....not necessarily moving forward but at least she's moving. Even my parents are getting new lives! But me, I'm in the exact same place I was one year ago. Pacey: Yeah, but you're turning 16, Dawson. Rejoice. This is a good thing. You're getting older. Dawson: But there doesn't seem to be anything ahead of me. More of the same. I'm stagnet. No wonder Joey dumped me. I mean, the only thing I accomplished last year was realizing my feelings for her and I couldn't even hold on to her. She dumped me. For a gay guy. laughs* Can we talk about this whole gay-man-straight-woman thing? There's got to be something going on there that we're not seeing. Pacey: You're right, Dawson. It's all part of the evil gay plan to keep the species from repopulating. Dawson: I would keep an eye on Andie if I were you. Pacey: C'mon, Dawson. You need to stop looking to movies for all the answers to life's questions. Okay? What you need to do is figure out what it is in life that you want and make it happen! Okay? Be definitive! Dawson: You're right. I need--I need definitive answers. Joey's the answer. I had her, I lost her, and now I'm going to get her back. How's that for definitive? Dawson walks out his bedroom door and shuts it leaving Pacey in the room. Pacey sighs. Cut to Mitch cooking pancakes in the Leery house and Gail walks into the kitchen and is surprised to see him. Gail: Mitch? Mitch: Hey! You remember my tradition of cooking Dawson breakfast on his birthday, right? Gail: Well, of course, but I just thought that-- Dawson walks in Dawson: Dad? Mitch: You didn't think that I would forget, did you? The usual for our favorite customer. Dawson: Thank you. It's nice to have a bit of tradition this morning. Mitch: Um, speaking of which, I have to talk to your mom in private for a second. About birthday stuff, strictly confidential. They walk out onto the porch. Mitch: Look, uh, I know we haven't discussed it...in the events of the past year, but we usually give joint birthday presents and I had an idea... Gail: You know, you're a little late for this, Mitch, I already bought Dawson a present. I'm giving Dawson his first car tonight. An Explorer. Mitch: Well, that's a big decision, Gail. Don't you think it's one we could of made together? Cut to Dawson eating his breakfast looking out towards the door which was left open slightly and he can see his parents arguing. Gail says something about how she's paying everything, the bills, etc. Cut back out on the porch. Mitch: Look, I know that I should contribute more financially, but I put the restaurant plans on the back burner and I have looked into substituting at the high school. Cut back to Dawson listening to them arguing. Cut to the Icehouse. Joey's sitting on the counter and Pacey is sitting on a stool next to her. Joey: Let's go over this one more time. Pacey: Okay. I invite Dawson out to dinner with Andie and me tonight. I'll keep him occupied until about 9 o' clock, and which point, we'll make up some lame ass excuse about how we have to call it an early night. Then, we'll drive back to his house where... Joey: I'll have set up the most fabulous surprise party ever. I hope. Pacey: I'm sure it'll be fantastic. Testimonial to true friendship. The party to end all parties. From now on, the Leery house is going to be known as the Delta house of Capeside. Joey: Thanks. I don't know why I'm so nervous. I've never organized a party before. Jack walks in. Joey doesn't say anything to him. He notices and turns back around and leaves. Pacey: Listen, Joey, not to pry or anything, how are you doing? I mean, now that you've had time to process. Joey: God. Everyone keeps asking me that in these solemn tones. Like I've just come down with some terminal disease. I mean, Jack's the one who's going through something. I mean, yeah, I admit, at first it was obviously a shock but I mean, I'm fine. Really. It's just... Joey makes facial languages that convey that it's nothing. Cut to Jack, outside of the Icehouse by all the tables. Abby and two friends walk up. Abby: Jaaccckkk, are you serving lunch yet? Jack: Um, yeah, in about 10 minutes. Hey, here's some menus you can look at in the meantime. Abby: Great, we're completely starving. Kelly: Aren't you that guy? Jack: What? Kelly: The first guy to ever come out of Capeside? He was the one who wrote the poem. Jaycee: Oh my God! You're the gay guy! Abby: In the flesh. Jack: uncomfortably Yeah.. Abby: Jaycee, Kelly, this is Jack McPhee. Capeside's no longer ambiguous resident. Kelly: You know, I think it's so great that you came out and you're only 16. You know, I totally watched Ellen through that whole tulmultuous year and, well, she didn't come out until she was, like, 40. Jack: Um, can I get you guys something to drink while you're looking over those menus? Jaycee: You know what I just realized? You're the first actual gay person that I've ever met. Abby: It is such a total waste because I mean, you're a total babe. Jack: You know, I'd take that as a compliment if it wasn't coming from Satan. Jack walks off and Abby follows him Abby: Jack, you have got me all wrong. I am not even one of his helpers. Jack: Well, then, I guess I should compliment you on that clever disguise you've been wearing for the last couple of months. Abby: We got started off on the wrong foot. True, I may have been flawed in the past but, I mean, sometimes people can surprise you. You should know a little bit about that yourself. Cut to Andie in therapy. Therapist: It sounds like you've had a lot on your shoulders for a 16-year-old girl. Andie: Yeah, well, after Tim died and Mom, you know, it seemed like there needed to be someone to be the glue to hold the family together and I guess I was the most-likely candidate. Therapist: Well, I'm not surprised that you started to feel a bit overwhelmed. Andie: Yeah, um, I felt like I was juggling all these balls in the air, you know? And if I dropped one, they'd all come crashing down, and, um, then I'd start thinking about everything all at once and I'd get these panic attcks when my heart was racing and I couldn't breathe... Therapist: Andie, Andie. Tell me something. Forget about saving everyone and even forget about your family for a minute. What is it that you want? What do you wish for? For yourself? Andie: I wish I could get rid of all my worries. You know? And be one of those people who just sails right through life. You know? And they do what they want to do, whatever makes them happy and they don't care what other people think about them. Therapist: Well, then, why couldn't you? I'm going to give you a prescription, Andie, but not for a drug. I prescribe for you one night of imperfection. Cut to the Icehouse. Bessie hands Joey something.* Bessie: Here. You can get out of here early. I'm sure you want to get changed before going to Dawson's. Joey: Believe me, Bess. It's not going to take me very long to get dressed. It's not like I have to get all gussied up for anybody seeing as though I've turned Jack off from women completely. Bessie: Joey, you know that's not true. Joey: I know. It's not true. I mean, intellectually, I know that it has nothing to do with me. It's--Bessie? What am I supposed to do now? Bessie: You paint. You concentrate on your art and yourself. I mean, you broke up with Dawson because you wanted to find yourself...and then you went straight into a relationship with Jack. Now's your chance to do what you set out to do. I mean, look. Any girl would be acting the way you do right now under the circumstances. I mean, I think you're handling it with an amazing level of maturity. They hug. Dawson enters. Dawson: Joey, hey. I need to talk to you. Joey: Sure... Joey gets her coat and heads out of the Icehouse with him.. Joey: What's up? Cut to Ty putting ribbon on Dawson's present. Jen: Well, looks like you can add arts and crafts to your list of talents. Ty laughs. Jen walks behind him by the sink and turns around and looks at him. Ty: I can feel that. Jen: What? Ty: You. Watching me. I mean, you think you're crafty, but I know. I can feel your eyes on me. Jen: You can not. Ty: Sometimes. Can't you? Jen: Nah, I don't know. I've never really tried. Ty: Close your eyes. Jen closes her eyes and Ty looks at her. Ty: There. Can you feel me looking? Jen: No. Not yet. Ty leans in closer. Ty: Now? Jen: No... They kiss. They break apart and laugh. Jen: I was peeking. Ty: Uh huh... They start kissing again, Ty breaks away. Ty: Uh, morning? Kitchen...Grams. Jen looks at him confused, kind of suspicious. Cut to Dawson and Joey walking along a pier. Joey: Oh, it's freezing out. I just wish it would snow already. Dawson: I know. Joey: Hey, remember what we used to do when we were kids? Dawson: What? Make a wish on the first snowfall? Joey: Uh huh. And it always came true. They stop at a roasted peanut vendor Dawson: Two. Joey: Well, except for the time we wished for a horse, a million dollars, and a trampoline all in the same year....I was greedy, what can I say? They laugh. They pay for their peanuts. Joey: Thanks. Vendor: Enjoy it. They walk off. Dawson: Snow is just so...hopeful, you know? Joey: Yeah. Hope is good. So...what are you hoping for? Dawson: I'm hoping that we can get back to the way we were. Joey: Me too. And I've been trying to get our friendship back on track-- Dawson: I'm not talking about just our friendship, Joey. Look, I can't deny the truth which is plainly and simply, I want more. I want you back. Joey: (shaking her head) Dawson... Dawson: I was so confused last night but then I realized that the only thing that makes sense in my life is you and I know that it's still there between us. I felt it during the whole Jack saga and I know that you feel it, too, because we're soulmates. Joey, you and I were meant to be. Period. The end. Cue happy ending music. Joey: No...look, Dawson. Do you remember why we broke up in the first place? It wasn't about you at all and it certainly wasn't about Jack, it was about me. How I had things I needed to figure out. Dawson: Things that you were willing to figure out with Jack but not with me. Joey: No, Dawson! We can't talk about this, you know why. Dawson: Joey! If you and me aren't meant to be together than I don't know anything. I wouldn't count on snow today. He walks off. Cut to Joey, later that night, at the Leery house, stirring punch. Bessie walks in the kitchen. Joey: I can't believe I'm throwing a surprise party for someone who hates me right now. Bessie: Just relax. I'm sure everything will work itself out. I mean, Dawson's out right now with Pacey, enjoying his birthday, by the time he gets here, he'll probably be in a great mood. Cut to Dawson staring gloomily out of the window of the patrol car Pacey's driving. Andie's in the back seat. Andie: I have always wanted to sit in the backseat of a cop car. Hey! I know! Let's turn on the sirens! Pacey: I don't think that's the best idea, Sweetie. Andie: (making siren noises) Whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo-whoo! Book 'em, Dann-o! So this is what it's like when they cart you off to prison, huh? Dawson: Depends. There's different types. There's the state-regulated ones and then the ones that you're trapped in when your life is going nowhere and everyone else is moving forward. Pacey: Took a happiness pill this morning, did we, Dawson? Dawson: No, just a dose of bleak reality. No offense, but have you noticed my only birthday plans are to play third wheel to my friend and his girlfriend? Pacey: Okay, listen, buddy, on any other day of the year, I'd be more than happy to talk to you about this, but since today's your birthday, why don't we try to concentrate on the positives, alright? Andie: HEY! STOP THE CAR! Pacey slams on the brakes. Pacey: What? What'd we ht? Andie: Nothing. Just make a U-turn I saw a really cool place back there. Pacey: Uh, Andie? Could we please keep this impulsive streak that you're trying to indulge tonight from klling everybody in this car? Please, honey? Andie: Um, doctor's orders! 'Member, Pacey? You promised I could cut loose tonight. Pacey: Yes...I did, didn't I? Okay. Pacey backs the car into a parking lot and makes a U-turn. Cut to Jack outside of the Leery house fixing his new front-part-slicked-up-by-gel 'do. He enters the party and Abby and her friends are standing next to the door. Kelly: Oh my God! Jack...you look...amazing. Abby: Wow. It's like a transformation from John-boy to John-John, all in a sharp, dippity-do. Jack: It's no big deal. I put a little gel in my hair. That's pretty much the extent of it. Abby: I guess when you get gay, you get style. I wish I would have nabbed you one sexual preference ago. Jack just looks at her funny and walks off. Cut to Jen taking Dawson's presents into a room. Ty walks in behind her. Jen: Hello, Ty. Ty: Excellent, you're learning. Jen: Uh huh. They kiss. Ty pulls away. Jen: Okay, explanation. Ty: What? Jen: First this morning and now? That's two kisses that you've bailed out on. Ty: Okay, it's just that we've been getting closer, you know? Jen: I know. It's called dating. Ty: I realize that but when does it stop? Jen: You're kidding, right? Ty: Jen...you...you turn me on and the closer we get the more you turn me on. Jen: Is that such a bad thing? Ty: All I'm saying is that it's possible that things could get out of hand. Jen: Really? How out of hand? Ty: I'm serious. Jen: We've barely made out and you're already worried about things going out of hand? Sweet...in a very 1956 sort-of way. Ty: Yeah? Well, how 1956 is this? They start kissing again. Cut to Andie, Dawson, and Pacey at a club. Andie slips off her coat revealing a red spaghetti-strap dress. Pacey notices. Pacey: Wo! Who are you and what have you done with my girlfriend? Andie: She's been here all along. Just trapped beneath the bondage of Gap clothing and a good-girl complex. Pacey: Well, the good-girl complex was part of your charm. Andie: Part of my charm. Not all of it. Remember we're having fun? Besides, (missed name of therapist) said I need to let my 'it' out to breathe some fresh air for an evening. Dawson: What exactly are you letting out for an evening? Andie: It's what (therapist) calls your 'it'. It's the part of you that holds your purest impulses and desires. It doesn't care what anyone thinks. It just wants what it wants. Dawson: And what do you think it wants? Andie: Well, I think it's about letting go of all your pre-conceived notions of how you're supposed to talk or how you're supposed to behave and just letting loose for once. Dawson: I could certainly learn something about letting loose. I mean, look at me. I'm sitting in a bar and I'm drinking a straight Coke. Pacey raises an eyebrow. Andie: We could do it together if you want. I mean, it might be good for both of us to get a little...wild tonight. Pacey: Try not to get to wild while I'm away at the washroom, alright? Pacey walks off and the waitress comes to their table. Waitress: Can I get you guys anything else? Andie: Yeah, um, I'll have another Coke and could you tell the bartender to put a little more rum in it this time? Dawson: Yeah, me too, I could barely taste the rum in mine. Waitress: Oh, sorry about that! I'll have him double up on the shts the next round to make up for it. Dawson: Thank you. She walks off.* Andie: (excited) Ahhh! I've never drank before!! Dawson: Never. Andie excitedly turns back and watches the stage. Cut to Jack out on the porch. Abby comes out. Abby: So..how does it feel to be the one who set this little (missed word) on it's heels? Jack: Why do you keep talking to me? I don't like you, Abby. Abby: Well, that's because no one likes me. I'm an outcast. Welcome to the club. Jack laughs and walks back towards the door to go inside. Abby: This whole thing is just ridiculous. There's no such thing as gay anyway. Jack stops. Abby: It's just the name people came up with to persecute the normal inclination to go both ways. Jack: What do you--What do you mean? Abby: Well, we're all bisexual, don't you think? We're all just sexual animals under God. This pure atomical society would think our natural impulses are something to be ashamed of when it's really those kind-of attitudes that are the embarrassment. Cut to Pacey, Andie, and Dawson at the bar, Andie and Dawson are obviously drunk. Waitress: How are we doing? Dawson: I think we're ready for another round. Andie: Sounds good to me! Waitress: Okay, two more coming right up. She walks off. Pacey: How many Cokes are you guys going to swill tonight? Dawson and Andie both shrug drunkedly. Employee: Well, alright, as you can probably tell, it's open mike night tonight so who wants to come up here and sing the blues for us? Dawson: I know a little something about the blues. Andie: Alright! C'mon, then! Let's go! Pacey: Uhhhh...I don't think that's the best idea, don't you, sweetheart? Andie: Sure it is! Dawson and Andie walk up on stage. Pacey: Ohh boy... On the stage. Dawson: Alright, boys, the blues! The band starts playing the blues and Andie starts dancing and Dawson adjusts the mike and laughs. Then, he starts singing. Dawson: (singing) My name is Dawson Leery. I'm feeling kind of weary. Today is my birthday. You all look a little blurry. The girl I cared for, Left me and ran away, Straight into the arms of, A GUY THAT TURNED OUT TO BE GAY! I got the blues! Yeah! Today I woke up feeling like I was born to lose! Yeaaah I got the bluuuuueeesss. Somedays you're born to lose! (stops singing) Here's my friend Andie, she's going to sing you a song because she's got the blues!!!! Andie: (singing) My name is Andie. And my brother's the one that's gay. My other brother died. And my daddy ran away! But I'm still Andie. And my boyfriend makes me randy His name is Pacey, AND MY MOM'S GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY!!!! Yeaaaaaaaaaaaah I've got the bluesssssssss! Dawson: Sing it sister! Andie: (singing) Sometimes you swear you were born to loooooosssssssseeeeeeee! Dawson: (singing) Oh, we got the bluesss! Now it's time to put on my dancing shoes! Whoooooo! Yeaaaaaaaaahh! Alright! Oh, I've been restless, hopeless and confused, This girl that I told you about, She's been on the move, She's at my surrrrprise party where everyone I know is at right now, And when I show up late they're GONNA HAVE A COW! Yeaaaaaaaaahhhhhh I got the bluuuuuuuueeeeeeeesssss! I swear sometimes we were born to lose! Andie: No, brother man, WE got the blues. Andie & Dawson: (singing) We got the bluuueeeessss! Dawson: (singing) Sometimes you're, you were born to lose! Ohhhhh yeah. Everybody claps. Andie and Dawson walk back to their table. Pacey gets up and gets Andie's coat. Pacey: Well, what do you say we end this evening on a high note and get off to that not-so surprise party. Dawson: I think we're having a dirty, no-good time right here. Andie: Hear, hear!!! Pacey sits back down. Pacey: What's gotten into you two tonight? Andie: Well, it's his birthday! Dawson: That's right! Andie: So what do you want to do next? Pacey takes a drink of Andie's Coke. Pacey: So you guys have been drinking! Dawson: Excuse me, waitress! Make it a double this time with just a splash of Coke. You know what, I think a splash is too much, make it just a spla. No shhhhhh at all. Andie: No sh. Waitress: Before I bring you anything else the bartender asked me to check your IDs. Andie: laughs Check our IDs?! You should of done that, like, 5 drinks ago because you know what? We are 16 years old!! Dawson laughs and puts his finger to his lips "shush"ing Andie. Andie: No, we are! And you know what? You, Little Missy, have just broken the law! You could lose your job over this! Not only could you lose your job but you guys could lose your liquor license! And, you know what, this is my boyfriend and his father is the town sheriff and how would-- Pacey: No, no. He taps Dawson on the shoulder, who's been laughing this whole time, to get up. Pacey: Hey, she's kidding. It's a joke. It's a joke. Pacey's dragging them out of the bar. Andie: No, I'm not! I have my ID right here. Wanna see it? Pacey: Let's go. What were you thinking, huh? Cut to the party. Mitch walks towards Gail by the punch bowl. Mitch: So I was out in the garage and I saw the Explorer. Very beautiful. A nice gift. Except I only thought that Dawson's first car would be more like the one I had when I was a boy. Like some old jalopy or something. Of course it's your decision. Gail: It seems that most of the decisions that came with the marriage are mine these days, except, of course, the decision about the marriage itself. Cut to the Explorer in the garage with steam-covered windows. All of a sudden in a Titanic-like scene someone's hand hits the glass. Cut to inside the car, Jen and Ty are making out. Ty: Okay, okay, we have to stop. I can't do this. I'm sorry Jen. Jen: You should be. Ty: It's not entirely my fault. Jen: Oh, really. What role am I playing in your personal inner struggle? Ty: You're tempting me. Jen: That's a load of crap. Ty: I'm sorry, Jen, but as attracted as I am to you. I don't believe in pre-marital sex and no matter what you say or do is not going to convince me that it's right. Jen: Who said anything about sex? Jen climbs out of the Explorer. Ty follows. Ty: Jen, I mean it's perfectly clear that your history of kissing isn't just kissing! Jen angrily whips around surprised. Jen: My history?! Ty: Jen, we're types of people and just as I'm likely to be found in church on Sunday-- Jen: I'm more of a Saturday night slut?! Ty: I didn't say that. Jen: Then how come I have never felt more like one? Cut to Jack standing alone on the stairs inside the Leery house. Abby walks up to him. Abby: His own party and he's not even here yet, what a guy. Jack: Do you really think it's true what you said earlier? About everyone having bisexual inclinations? Abby: Oh, absolutely. Cut to them in Dawson's room. Abby: You know, the Dawson and Joey's of the universe are pretty advanced for their age but with all the time they spend examining their navals, you'd think they'd be more open to the possibilities. Jack lifts up his shirt a little and looks at his naval. Jack: You know, you're right! There's a whole world of possibilites in there. They laugh. Abby looks at hers. Abby: In here, too. She sits down on the bed. Jack: Yeah, maybe you're not Satan after all. Of course, I don't think Satan has a belly button. He sits down next to her. Abby: Well, us outcasts have to learn how to stick together. Cut to back downstairs, Joey walks by carrying a bowl when Dawson, Andie, and Pacey burst through the door. Dawson: SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Dawson and Andie head for another room and Joey walks up to Pacey. Joey: You're late. This party's a disaster. Pacey: Don't get me started. Joey: Are they...? Pacey: Yes, rum in Cokes, they got past me. Cut to Andie and Dawson standing on top of the kitchen table dancing. Joey: C'mon you guys. Andie: What? You wanna dance? Joey helps Dawson down and Pacey grabs Andie. Cut to Joey leading Dawson down a hallway. Dawson: HEY! It's my birthday! I can do whatever I want to do! Joey: Yeah, but we need to go where your parents can't see you. Dawson stumbles on the stairs and Joey helps him up. He spots some people on the stairs. Dawson: HEY! WHAT'S UUUUUP? Joey: We're going to get some coffee in your system. God knows it probably won't help but it's the only thing I can think of right now. Dawson: I've got the blues, Jo. Do you know anything about the blues? Joey: More than I care to. They walk into Dawson's room to find Jack kissing Abby. Dawson starts laughing hysterically. He plays the air guitar Dawson: (singing) THE GUY I WAS TALKING ABOUT, WHO SAID HE WAS GAY, I KNOW SATURDAY, HE DECIDED TO SWING BOTH WAYS!!!!!!!!!! Dawson falls back on his bed playing air guitar and Abby's laughing. Jack: Joey. Joey: I can't deal with this, okay? Joey leaves and Jack follows her out. Dawson: (singing to Abby) Sometimes you were born to lose. She laughs. Cut to Joey coming down the stairs. Jack's following her. Abby's following him. Jack: Joey! Abby: (to Kelly and Jaycee) Not so gay anymore. Jack: More gay than ever. Cut to Gail bring Dawson's cake over. Dawson walks in. Gail: Aw, perfect timing, honey, I was just about to call you as soon as I lit the candles. Dawson: What? Time to make a wish? Gail: Dawson, honey, have you been drinking? Dawson: Time to make a wish, okay...let's make a wish. Everyone's quiet and listening to him. Dawson: I wish..I wish that my mom never slept with her co-anchor. I wish that my father would stop talking about actually getting a job and go out and get one! I wish the two of you would stop your petty bickering and at least pretend to be the adults around here! I wish that my friend Pacey would just end this transformation of this A-student, do-gooder, all-around sanctamonious angel and would go back to what he does best which is make me feel good about my life when his is supposed to be worse. And then there's Jen Lindley with her drunkedness and her revolving boyfriends and her wild, wicked ways. I want to party with you! Ah, and then there's Jack McPhee. Jack McPhee who likes guys but doesn't mind stealing my girlfriend! Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, starring in his very own version of In & Out. He's in, he's out! He's in! He's out! In, out! Nice hair by the way. And then, of course, there's my Joey. My sweet, precious Joey. The only 16-year-old in the world that needed to find herself. But you know what? That's okay. I accept it. You need to find yourself, and I accept it. He turns around. Dawson: (cont.) So Joey! Joey? He starts looking everywhere, under tables, around people. Dawson: (cont.) Excuse me? Where's my Joey? Joey! There she is! There's my Joey! He walks over to her and kisses her. She pushes him away. Joey: Cut it out, Dawson! He falls into the cake. Cut to Dawson throwing up in the sink and Andie hunched over the toilet. Andie: Oh, God. This is all my fault. Or is it my It's fault? Is it my fault? Dawson: I've learned one thing from my iniation into the evils of alcohol. Be careful what you eat because you're going to see it again. Andie: And again and again and again. Oh, God, I swear I am never drinking again.Oh, God, I am so mortified at my behavior tonight and to think your parents saw me this way! Dawson: I swear if I survive this night, and if any of my family or friends every speak to me again, I swear I'll never let another drop of alcohol touch my lips. Andie: And if you ever see me pick up a drink, please remind me of how I'm feeling right now. Dawson: Deal. Dawson and Andie quickly look at each other before hunching over to puke again. Cut to Gail going out on the porch with Mitch. Mitch: Have we completely screwed up our son's life? Gail: No, he's 16 years old. You remember being 16, don't you? Mitch: All to well. Gail: Well, I'm taking the Explorer back to the dealer tomorrow. His behavior tonight shows me that he's not ready for the responsibility of a new car. It was, I admit, possibly not the soundest decision that I've ever made. Mitch: We could, um, go in on some old car together if you want. Gail: Sounds like a plan. Maybe we could cover the down payment and he could work to pay off the rest. Maybe he'd learn something about the value of money and mistakes. Mitch: Well, I guess we're all still learning about that. Cut to Jack walking down the dock towards Joey. Jack: Hey. Joey: Hey. You know, it's bad enough that I organized the world's worst surprise party, Jack, but Abby? I mean, after what she did to your family and everyone else...I don't know, I guess I just thought that if you were to go straight again you would chose someone like...Cindy Crawford or something. Jack: Everyone's been telling me how okay they are with me coming out. You, Pacey, that (missed word), that guidance counselor... Joey: I'm sorry for being so accepting...would you rather everyone just turn against you? Jack: No, it's--she said some things tonight that made me feel like I was just like everyone else. I guess I just saw what I could have become, this whole thing, someone on the fringes like Abby. Joey: So if we hadn't of walked in... Jack: I still would've stopped. I knew it from the minute I started that I was--that I am gay. Joey: You know, Jack, I think everyone feels alone and wants to be normal and I don't think anyone really ever does. Jack: I don't want to be singled out, you know? Like I have some scarlet 'G' on my chest. You know? The Ellen of Capeside. Joey: We're all going through the painful process of growing up. You just have this extra layer of difficulty but you're incredibly lucky to have people who support you. Don't lose sight of that. Jack: Yeah...I guess the thought of being gay...seemed like such a lonely thought. I just don't want to end up alone. Cut to Jen walking into her porch where Ty is sitting there, waiting. Ty: I don't think we should see each other anymore. Jen: So you waited on a freezing cold porch to tell me something that was perfectly clear two hours ago? Ty: I just need to explain myself. Jen: No, you don't. You have natural, God-given impulses that everybody in your life has told you are wrong to follow. So instead of growing your own conscience you try to drag me through your own grief and I'm not going to stand for it. Ty: Jen! Jen! You need to understand that all my life has been about the church. The beliefs, the teachings, they're all I know. Jen: So let me get this straight. You're a Christian but you like to booze it up and you like to party, right? You judge people for being gay and you go around saying heterosexual sex is the way of the lord but you won't actually have heterosexual sex. Ty: Look, I know it sounds complicated. I'm struggling with the fact that I am a teenage guy with all of the struggles that go along with that. Desires that are in direct opposition to everything that I've been taught to believe and when I'm with you, all sense of reason just flies out of my head because you're so beautiful and sexy and I want you so badly. I am so sorry that I hurt your feelings tonight. Please understand that this is about me and has nothing to do with you. Jen: Ty, this has everything to do with me. I liked you. Ty: Yeah, I know. Jen: No, you don't! I mean, I really liked you. And despite what you may think about my past experiences, my kissing you tonight was not my desire for something more. It was for something pure, something that I haven't felt in a long time, and you ruined that. Ty: Maybe..maybe someday when I deal with my baggage maybe this can work out. Jen: Anybody that can make me feel like this doesn't deserve a maybe. She shuts the door in his face. Cut to Dawson laying on his bed. Joey walks in. Joey: Hey. Dawson: Hey. Joey: How you doin'? Dawson: Oh, I'll be fine...after the room stops spinning. Joey: I'm sure you'll be better in the morning. Dawson: God, Joey, whatever I said I am so sorry. I was a complete idiot. Joey: Don't worry about it, Dawson. I forgive you. I mean, even you are allowed to make a few mistakes in this world and I'm sure that everyone else will forgive you eventually, too. You pretty much told the truth anyway. Dawson: Yeah, but the way I did it....God, I am so lonely. I'm 16 years old and I'm so hopelessly lonely. Joey: Is that why you got drunk? Dawson: Yeah...Jo, why did you break up with me and run straight to Jack? Joey: Because he wasn't you. Look, it was never about looking for something better, Dawson. It was about looking for someone who wasn't so close to me. Where I could tell where I ended and he began. I mean, our lives have always been so intertwined that in many ways I feel like you partially invented me, Dawson. And that scares me so much. I need to find out if I can be a whole person without you. I need to find out if I can be a whole person....alone. Dawson: Well, do it quickly, okay? Because....God, I love you. Joey closes her eyes trying to keep control and Dawson closes his, falling asleep. Joey: (whispers) I love you too, Dawson. She looks out towards the window and then back at Dawson and gets up and walks towards it. Outside it's snowing. Joey watches the snow, closes her eyes and makes a wish. END	{"type": "series", "show": "Dawson's Creek", "episode": "02x16 - Be Careful What You Wish For"}	foreverdreaming

Subsets and Splits

No community queries yet

The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.