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SUBREDDIT: r/personalfinance
TITLE: Top 2 tips for getting cash when abroad
POST: I am in the UK but this may apply to some other countries if you look into companies offering the same service. It's painful to see people still prepare for their travels by going to a foreign exchange shop in the town and pay all the fees, plan out exactly how much money they will need, etc.
Tip 1 - Halifax Clarity Credit Card (Or Santander Zero is the same) - if you do a lot of travelling - get this now. It allows me to withdraw cash from any ATM in the UK or abroad without any fees - no percentage, no flat rate fee. They of course charge you interest on the cash you withdraw but this is minimal if you pay it back straight away. Moneysavingexpert recommends this as the best card. If you are outside of the UK, have a look for the local equivalent if there is one.
Tip 2 - When withdrawing cash from an ATM abroad and it gives you an option to make the currency conversion for you, don't take that option. As I have said, with the credit card above, I get charged no fees so it is a lot more economical, I am sure that any card will be the same. Here is the example: I was in Europe last week and went to withdraw 400 euros - the ATM said that it can charge my card with 400 euros or it will do the conversion for me now and charge my account around £353. That is a rate of 1.133. I of course chose 400 euros. A few days later my statement revealed that my bank converted this to around £324 - a rate of 1.235. As you can see, the ATM wanted to charge around 7% fees - your bank should always be cheaper for that (as long as it's a large transaction if you also get charged a flat fee on your withdrawals).
TL;DR: | 1. Find a bank card that doesn't charge an ATM fee, such as the Halifax Clarity card or Santander Zero here in the UK. 2. Never allow the foreign ATM to make the currency conversion for you. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: My friends(female) new bf is acting fairly hostile to me (male). How do I put a stop to this?
POST: I am a 15 year old boy and one of my best friends(15 yr female) has a new "bf" (idk if it is offical yet. He is a 16 yr old I believe). Everyone seems to see him as a nice guy and I was friendly with him. But once he started to notice me with his gf a bunch he started getting more hostile. (examples: When we joke around on fb he acts like I am seriously insulting her and gets overly defensive. Acts like I am mean to her ect. And is just over all hostile to me.). He has never actually said anything hostile to me but he definatly doesnt like me. How can I comunicate that I am not a "threat" as far as trying to go out with her while still holding my ground. I mean, she is one of my best friends. Am I over reacting?
TL;DR: | How do I comunicate to my friends bf that I (male) and not a threat to taking his gf while still holding my ground as close friend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [19 F] help support and encourage my BF [26 M] who's going back to school this coming fall semester?
POST: We have been together for about 1 - 1 & 1/2 years, living together for about 6 months.
My boyfriend grew up in extreme poverty, so college wasn't really something on his radar when he was in high school. In fact when we first meet, he was homeless.
Now fast forward about a year: we're living in an apartment together and I'm going to school. He decided he doesn't want to work the same menial jobs forever, so he works on his FASFA and looks into going to school. Now he's all registered and ready to attend the local tech school this fall semester.
At first, he was so excited and couldn't stop talking about going back to school. But, as the first day approaches he's realizing more and more that this is a huge change for him and he's second guessing himself. Last night he was very worried about his ability to balance grades, work, and the relationship. He's terrified he'll do badly in school, or get so busy that he'll neglect me and our relationship will suffer.
I am not worried at all about his ability to do well in school. But I am worried about his emotional health.
TL;DR: | boyfriend is taking a big step in life and is second guessing his ability to handle it all. How can I support and encourage him best? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [24m] Broke up with my partner ages ago, but cannot stop thinking about her/looking for her
POST: I broke up with my partner 8+ months ago for ridiculously stupid reasons, she was a good woman and a fantastic life companion however apparently I decided it wasn't to be.
Still months down the track I continually think about her, however it is usually in a bad light as she started sleeping with a large amount of males. Furthermore for some reason I still look out for her when I'm walking around town even though all this has happened..
This is the first woman I've ever broken up with and I am fairly inexperienced with relationships..
Smart people of reddit, could you please give me some guidance?
TL;DR: | Broke up with my partner, she became a bike, do not know how to deal with resulting feelings or how to get her off my mind. Please help, I just want to be 'normal' again :'( |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by idolizing my math teacher on Twitter.
POST: Alright, here goes.
My friend and I have a long running joke about one of our math teachers. He is pretty religious, and we start joking around about it. (I'm a Mormon so it was out of fun)
My friend mentions that I should make a Twitter account for him. He's off social media and the closest thing he has is an app for sermons (which, by the way, i was surprised when they had it. I mean, theres an app for everything i guess).
Well, me being the tricky trickster I am, I say *hey, wouldn't it be funny if I made one of those parody accounts?*
Next thing you know I'm following every student from our school. In the first 5 minutes I got around 75 followers and 30 retweets (which is more then my personal twitter account. sad.)
I wake up the next day and I was so surprised HOW BIG THIS BLEW UP TO BE!! EVERYONE SUSPECTS THAT ITS HIM, AND ME AND MY FRIEND ARE HAVING A WALK IN THE PARK!
So, we walk into 6th period with my teacher, and he gives a 15 minute lecture about how it's not him on the Twitter account.
At this point i feel the weight of my pants gain about 500 pounds in shat bricks. I asked for my friends phone (cause I used a VPN at my house, and I wanted no room for error), deleted everything and turned it into a Bible Quote twitter.
The day after that, I get called to the principals office and I straight-up said it was me. Apologized, and i've been on good grounds with him ever since.
TL;DR: | Went too far with a "social experiment" and wanted to get off of Mr. Bones' wild ride in a futile attempt. Got off with a warning. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Long videos of dogs playing without music? Ideally pitbulls?
POST: Hi r/dogs,
I have a beautiful and very sweet pitbull named Jade that I rescued from the shelter last year. Just before we adopted her some idiot broke in and let out a bunch of dogs which resulted in a huge dog fight and seriously traumatized Jade just before adoption. Many of the dogs were other pitbulls so she is especially uncomfortable around them. So here is the request....
Do any of you know of or have any long compilation dog videos that I could play on repeat for Jade while I'm at work? Unlike many dogs jade is very interested in the television when she hears dog/animal noises and I'm thinking it'd help to socialize her and get her comfortable with other dogs (and especially other pitbulls). Unfortunately though the only ones that I can find are like 3 minutes long and many have music over them which hides the dog noises.
Any other help/tips on how to positively socialize her would be great too. She's great with people and with beta dogs but she can't seem to socialize with other alphas or challengers and goes right into serious fighting mode.
TL;DR: | I want long videos of dogs socializing positively without any cover music to play for my traumatized pitbull while I'm at work. Any other tips are great. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Losing my partner. Need help finding where to go.
POST: Hey folks.
I know I don't make frequent posts here. But I know you guys offer a lot of good advice, advice that has helped me before. I need some help.
I just got dumped. It wasn't mutual. But it wasn't over infidelity or a single moment. My girlfriend sat me down after a weekend trip. Once I unpacked she looked like she had wanted me to sit down. She told me that she needs to be single. That she still has love for me, but she needs to find herself. It was very sudden, or maybe I convinced myself of that. None the less. After a few days apart. She is coming back from a stay at her parents, we are doing an ending therapy session with her therapist.
I'm scared right now, with no clear immediate answer as to why. Or no real moments where I can see any writing on the walls. I'm dumbfounded still. Luckily I have work. But I'm freaked. I need some advice to what my first emotional step should be. I'm looking for apts, but it's in the early portion of the month. Looking for friends to crash with until I can find a place. I still haven't packed, numbness impedes my day to day. If not obvious she is keeping the apt. If you haven't already guessed my intentions are to win her back. To convince her that we are better than what she is looking for. But does anyone have experience with this?
I want to make the right move here. I need to, I'm just looking for some advice. Other than the people that were worried of my will to stay alive.
TL;DR: | I'm suddenly on the wrong end of being single. No party to blame. Do I wait ? Or do I move on and how? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[18M] leaving friend-turned-girlfriend [18F] across the world until next summer, trying to make last days count.
POST: After talking for a year (and with the help of previous posts to this sub) we got together and decided to give us a try. I live in New York and she lives in Yerevan, Armenia... 5,600 miles away.
We talked about how to make this work, and decided to take the challenge of waiting a year before seeing each other again (we scheduled to talk every day as we do anyway, skype, etc.)
Now she's no romantic and I know that its unfair to ask her to wait for the 10 months till I return for the summer, but she says she will. What can I do in the next 4 days to make it count, and have her really trust in me/our relationship? Most importantly, when I say goodbye I want to make a lasting impression, so what can I say that will make her feel better about the situation, words to hold on to so she knows im serious?
TL;DR: | Beginning a long-distance relationship with a girl I've known for a year, want to make sure I leave right. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20F] with my SO [22M] 2 months, something has changed
POST: My SO and I had a wonderful relationship. When we first met things were so perfect. We got on well, had fun and were really into each other. We both tried to think about the other person and take care of them.
Recently he's just stopped making the effort so much. Then, a few days ago, he virtually started ignoring me. We've exchanged a total of four txts in the past week. I don't know what happened but it's really upset me. I feel so empty and I miss him so much.
He's not been acting like the same person I used to know. I almost feel like things between us are already over. I don't even know how to begin fixing this.
TL;DR: | Can* I fix this or do I cut my loses and let him go? Also, if I can fix, *how*? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 30/M dating 21/F - Says shes afraid of starting a new relationship
POST: Met the girl at work. First thought was that she stunning, but after getting to know the geeky side of her and how much we hit it off, we hook up. Her best friend approves of our relationship and the 21/F generally has strong feelings for me.
Then she says shes not ready for another relationship because shes not used to cuddling or affection. Says previous boy friends took advantage of her and only wanted one thing (I assume not her intellect, she did not elaborate). She calls me one of the most kindest gentlemen shes ever met, and believes that I am not the same type of boys from her past, yet after I made her lunch and sat outside talking for about an hour or so about recent events, she told me all this and left.
Struggling to comprehend what just happened.
TL;DR: | Girl interested in me; getting along great; says shes not ready; tells me I'm the kindest man shes ever met; leaves. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [17F] fucked up my relationship [20M] and I don't know how to fix it- any ideas? I posted this to askreddit and they sent me here.
POST: So I was dating this guy for about 9 months (lets call him Ted), it was long distance but it was very serious and we saw each other every few weeks. A couple weeks ago I started college on the other side of the country, and he started acting very different.
We were fighting all the time (which we never used to do), and he was having some serious jealousy issues because I was hanging out with this other guy (lets call him John [18M]) who I truly only considered to be a friend. After about a week of me being so far away, I was getting so sick of dealing with Ted's jealousy- he was threatening to hurt John if he ever made a move on me, and I'd just moved a couple thousand miles away from everything I'd known and I wasn't in a good place to deal with it well. So I broke up with him. And what's worse is that later that day, I went to a party with John, and he kissed me. . . and it didn't stop there, we ended up having sex. It was the biggest mistake I've ever made, and I would give anything to be able to take it back.
I called Ted a few days later asking for forgiveness, and I told him everything (I really do love him, and I couldn't bear to lie). He told me he needs some time to think about it and that he'll get ahold of me later, but I don't know what I'll do if he decides never to speak to me again (which he should- I really fucked up). I can't imagine that there's a way to fix this, but I have to ask anyway. . . I don't know what else to do. I really love him, and I just wish we could go back to the way we were before I left, but I don't think thats possible.
TL;DR: | I was impatient with my boyfriend, broke up with him, slept with someone else the same day (purely out of weakness), and I need to try and fix it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22m] girlfriend [19f] of 2 years never tells me straight up what's bothering her, even when asked
POST: So I've been dating this girl for two years, and I really love her a lot. Honestly when we're getting along she makes me the happiest I feel like I've ever been. I feel like we're just super compatible for the most part.
It's just when she's upset about something (like something I did) she just won't tell me. When I ask if something is wrong she"ll always just say no. Then a day or so later she'll tell me what's bothering her. Is that not kinda fucked up? I see that as lying to me, when I ask if something's wrong (which obviously there is by how she acts) and she'll just say no and won't talk about it any more. I've told her this makes me upset and she's said she'll work on it but nothing has changed.
Sometimes she'll even take it further and just won't talk to me at all. I'll try to talk to her and figure out what's up but of course she won't even acknowledge that I'm even in the room. I've also talked to her about her doing this, and told her how it gives me anxiety and stress, but she doesn't seem to care because she keeps doing it.
I honestly don't know what to do about it at this point. I don't understand why she acts so immature about this. It's getting to where I'm just so sick of her playing games with me and I'm considering ending things with her, but I know how great we are when there's nothing bothering us and that's making it so hard for me to figure out what to do. Any advice reddit?:/
TL;DR: | my gf rarely ever tells me about why she's upset, even when asked, and even though I've told her how I feel about that she hasn't changed anything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30M] am crushing on my coworker [40F], want it to stop
POST: I am intensely physically attracted to a coworker of mine. We are both married and I have no desire to have an affair, I just want my attraction to subside before it becomes an external distraction; if possible, would like it to stop being an internal distraction as well, but realistic priorities.
We've worked together for only a couple of months, and our roles mean we have to interact fairly regularly. We also bonded over a shared fitness hobby which has provided some out-of-office interactions. Unknown if the attraction is in any way mutual, though she does include me in activities that don't really require me, and we message off-hours about non-work things (harmless, like movies or weekend plans, small talk).
I feel like I'm in the 6th grade when around her, she just hits a lot of my physical checkboxes, and would frankly be uninterested in an actual relationship if the scenario would make for that possibility. So how can I make these feelings subside or go away entirely without straight-up cutting her off, as that would have other professional consequences?
TL;DR: | we're both married, I'm crushing like a middle-schooler and just want it to stop before it has any kind of professional impact. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: GF [23f] is being bugged by another guy. Should I intervene?
POST: 26m here:
My girlfriend of 3 months has a "gentlemen caller" that won't accept that she has a boyfriend. They have no history except that they have friends in common.
She has brushed him off for a while but it reached a boiling point when he called her in the middle of the night repeatedly from different numbers. At one point she answered and demanded that he leave her alone. All of this is made worse by the fact that I am leaving the country for 2 months on a work trip and the guy knows it.
She is fed up and I want to be the good boyfriend and help her out.
Options as I see it:
1. Tell the gf to block him in any way possible (phone, facebook, etc) and start documenting any further calls in case she needs to take it to the police.
2. Call him myself and see if I can talk to him in a straight forward manner. I was going to do this but she mentioned he is a hot head and a tool so I am seconding guessing it now.
What would be the best next move?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend is being harassed by a hot headed guy who won't leave her alone. What can I do to help get it stopped? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Did my daughter betray her brother, or is all fair in zombie survival?
POST: Here's what happened: While enjoying my "all-expenses-paid" vacation in Afghanistan, I wanted to make sure my kids had something fun to do over the summer while I was away. With that in mind, I sent my 2 oldest (my son, 11 and my daughter, 8) to Zombie Survival Camp at [Trackers PDX] They had a lot of fun learning forest stealth (they got to cover themselves in charcoal to disguise their smell from the zombies), archery, hatchet throwing... it was pretty much the coolest program available.
So, on the final day, there was a portion where the kids were broken up into camps of survivors, and they had to, among other things, sneak into other survivors' camps and take their resources (little cards with points on them).
My son is a smart kid, but he's very trusting. And because of his autism his younger sister often takes the role of the older sibling. He trusts her to do what is right for him and he looks up to her in many ways. Even though they were in different survivor camps, he told her where his points were. And she and her team snuck in and got his points. Of course my son was devastated, and their mom is upset that our daughter did this to her brother.
But I'm torn. She knew where the points were and told her team about them, which is info she wouldn't have had if her brother hadn't confided in her. On the other hand, she was playing by the rules of the game as set forth by the game designers - she used the stealth she had been taught to sneak into their camp, open my son's backpack, remove the points, and then zip the bag back up - leaving without a trace.
Was she wrong?
TL;DR: | Daughter used info her trusting brother had given her to beat him in a game. Was she wrong to take advantage of his trust in her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Planning is harder than expected; I'm so over it.
POST: I was so excited in the beginning to plan my wedding, but after 4 months I'm just so tired of it. My mom is super helpful when I need her to be, but that's about the only help I'm getting. (And I have a total lack of direction so I can't ask for much bc I'm not sure what I need!) I feel like when I ask my FH for his advice, he's just annoyed or frustrated that I have another question. But hello, this is the first wedding I've planned and I'm on my own! Of course I have lots of questions and a huge lack of direction. We've argued so many times over planning. I've come to the point of just saying fuck it and eloping 3 times now. After all of the stress of planning, and not even being half done, I just want to marry him already. And looking at our guest list, which got way out of hand, I feel like ... "why am I planning this huge wedding for all these people we never see or hear from?" Today on our lunch breaks we're going to meet up and discuss my parents' offer to pay for a tiny wedding (elopement style but with close family and bffs) and a honeymoon. I'm really leaning towards this option. It saves money, and FH has been between jobs until recently, while I have medical stuff going on that will need to be paid for. I just can't help but worry that I'll regret not having a "real" wedding. Has anyone else been here? What did you decide and how did you feel then versus down the road? Any thoughts or advice would be so appreciated!
TL;DR: | I'm just at my wits end here with planning and I can't help but wonder why I'm doing it all. Seriously considering a small elopement style ceremony, but fearing I may regret it later on. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (36/f) don't know if I should be worried about my long distance bf's (32/m) relationship with his ex
POST: My bf and I have been dating since January, about 9 months, initially he lived in my city and now he lives on the other side of the country. He'll be there for two years and then he plans to move back to my city and we will continue to be together and he wants to be with me forever, loves me, all of that. He was married for 5 years to a woman, no kids, and there was an incident that he couldn't look past and so they divorced almost two years ago. Since that time he has been paying her alimony and they remain friends. I found out that he is actually still paying her alimony even though he doesn't have to, the time that he was ordered to has expired. I also found out that she desperately wants to get back together with him. She sends him messages like "you were the best I ever had", she sends him suggestive pictures to which he doesn't respond negatively or positively, definitely doesn't say stop sending that type of thing, but also doesn't compliment her. We were talking about it last night and I said that their relationship makes me uncomfortable. They still talk/text weekly. A few months back he told me that she didn't know about us and last night I asked him why he hasn't told her about us and he said that he has since told her about us, but said that he was seeing someone and didn't tell her how serious it was, although he did tell her there was no chance in them getting back together. I asked him why he hasn't told her we were serious and he said because he doesn't want to deal with the drama, to which I responded, "You don't have to, you actually never have to talk to her again". He thinks I'm making a big deal out of nothing and I think that even if I know for a fact he would never get back with her and that he loves me, I think his behavior with her shows me he has little regard for our relationship. Any advice would be helpful, I'm struggling, I love him and want to be with him, but I feel like I would be a fool to trust someone that acts like this.
TL;DR: | long distance bf talks/texts with and gives money to ex wife, hasn't told her he is in a serious relationship with me and it makes me question our relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Dear r/relationships, Has your SO ever NOT want to sleep in the same bed as you? I need advice. (This has nothing to do with sex. The sex part is great)
POST: Okay so here it goes. I drool. Well if that's not blunt for you. Yeah it sucks, but I really have no control over this. Just drool, and no snoring. Thing is me (21) and my girlfriend (19) have lived together for the passed 7 months or so. Maybe in like two of those time has my drooling manage to go onto her pillow. Well that was a few weeks ago anyway. Lately on and off my girlfriend has preferred to sleep by herself downstairs in the living room.
I'm not okay with this. For one, I feel like she's distancing myself from her, and for two, I want to be able to sleep with her at night. Plus, not only do I feel like she's distancing me, it is inevitably pushing me away. I feel that in any "healthy" relationship, were a couple lives together, they sleep together in the same bed. Well this is not the case with her.
I work long dreaded hours. We hardly get anytime to each other. The most I can ask for is for me to be able to hold her at night. Her reason, she sleeps better or she just, "wants to sleep on the couch."
Am I just being a bitch or do I have a valid argument? How would you proceed in any such situation? Like I said in the title, the sex is good. So that plays no part. Hell, every time we have sex, she sure as hell sleeps in the same bed. Also to reiterate, no I do not snore.
TL;DR: | Boy 21 and girl 19. Lived together for over 7 months and lately she rather sleep on the couch by herself. WTF? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What OS do you use, Reddit? And do you have a particular dislike for any other OS's?
POST: Personally, I'm a Windows user since that's what I grew up with, it allows for inexpensive builds and is comfortable for me. I have no hate or dislike for OSx (other than it comes on machines that are very expensive), nor do I find Linux all that scary since that's what I use to compile code at my university.
The reason I bring this up is because I'm in a bit of a debate with a friend who is harshly bashing Windows with no real backing and I'm wondering where this bias comes from. He's saying that Windows has no place and its only use is for Gaming and nothing else. I know Apple did that "I'm a Mac, I'm a PC" ad campaign which kind of brought about a lot of dislike for Windows, but a lot of those complaints are rather dated and go back to the Pre-XP era of Windows or can be attributed to completely ignoring antivirus protection and spam.
I say this because the only people I've heard say they have had those problems (blue screens constantly, running slower than it should even though they have no gauge of how fast it should run, etc.) with Windows are people who never gave it a chance or tried to understand any of the causes. To top it all off, when their Macs fail they think it's some strange, awful, unique situation that doesn't happen very often, even though it's probably just as common as it is on a PC since they're both coded by humans and not gods with perfect foresight for every situation their OS could run into (I have no idea of statistics, so don't quote me and I'm fully open to being corrected).
TL;DR: | Lemme know which Operating System you support and why and elaborate on any dislike for a particular OS. Hell, even mobile OS's or game console OS's. If at all possible, explain why the bias against Windows is still around. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [F25] boyfriend [M25] of about two years will be deployed overseas in a few months. How do we make our relationship work?
POST: Hi everyone, thanks in advance for reading and taking the time to comment.
Some quick background: my boyfriend ("BF") and I have known each other since our preteen years and been together as a couple for a little under two years. We care very deeply for each other, and I'd like to eventually marry him! While we had some communication-related problems in the earlier phases of our relationship, we've since made incredible efforts to resolve said problems and everything has been quite good.
The issue at hand: the BF is being deployed overseas for approximately one year. He'll be leaving in a few months, and despite having known about the deployment for months, I think it's only hitting me just now :( I am truly at a loss on how to process the fact that my best friend will be gone for one year...
My questions: what should I expect? What can I do to help keep our relationship strong throughout his deployment? I don't know many military couples, and he's been busy on his end preparing for his first deployment. Does anyone have any stories, personal experiences, tips, advice, etc.?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of two years is going overseas for one year on his first deployment. What can I do to keep our relationship strong? Please help! |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Made my mom cry and I just want things to be normal
POST: Background : I'm nearly 19, finished my 1st year of college, I'm indian.
Okay so, I got into a major fight today because my parents found out I still have my girlfriend(18, about to finish high school). They really do not like her and they don't like me dating "because I'm too young." They threatened to have me leave the house because of this and since I wasn't following them. The argument revolved around this, and I finally just had a huge anger outburst. I cussed out, and I told my parents they hated me. This made my mom break down like no other. I feel like a piece of shit for saying that because that was no way to handle the situation. They finally said that I can do whatever I want, but I could tell they were so fed up with me and heartbroken with what I said.
They always say they want to do whats best for me, but I kept telling them that I should make my own decisions on that part, and they said I wasn't mature enough for it, even though im turning 19 next month.
I don't know what to do now since it looks like they gave up on me. I want to apologize but I don't know how. I just don't know what to do. Help?
TL;DR: | I have a girlfriend parents don't like and they dont want me dating. We argue. I say bad things. Make my mom cry. I feel like shit. Help?? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [24 f] boyfriend [25 m] is a hypochondriac sometimes.
POST: We have been dating for four years. However, there is one small problem. He takes things that are generally innocuous (stomachache, headache, sore throat, etc.) and acts like he might have a serious illness. For example, a couple of years ago, he had a bad sore throat and was starting to get a fever, but nothing too bad, and he asked me to take him to the emergency room. I said no (is that insensitive?) and that I'd call the local clinic for their hours so he could get a walk in appointment. We ended up not going and by the next day he was fine.
He went to the doctor recently for a huge check up and insisted they do all his bloodwork, x-rays, etc. because he is convinced something is wrong with him. He says he just "knows". They told him he has like, lactose intolerance, he could lose a few pounds, and some other innocuous thing.
Now, he is saying he has stomach pain, but he doesn't put it that way-- he says he's having serious abdominal pain and that it must be a sign of something serious, and he googled it and he could have something very life threatening. Sorry to be tmi, but I have had terrible stomach/abdominal pain from bad gas before... which is what I told him. But now he is insisting he needs to go to the emergency room and get a number of tests, which will wipe out his savings because his insurance just expired. He can get insurance through his new job by MONDAY and he's saying he can't wait that long. I have given him the addresses of walk in clinics that cost only $100 without insurance, and he's saying there's no point because they can't do the tests he probably needs.
I am at my wit's end. I don't want to be insensitive but considering his past behavior, I think he is being a baby. Every time he thinks he's dying of some illness, it ends up being something really curable/fixable/regular human every day illness.
[
TL;DR: | my boyfriend always wants to jump to being taken to the emergency room for minor everyday illnesses, and is doing it right now.] |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 F] found my [35 M] boyfriends reddit account. Do I tell him?
POST: So we've been dating for 5 months, and things have been going super well. He shared something with me that had his username for a particular account and I out of curiosity was like "oooh I wonder if its his reddit name too?" and it was.
I can tell 100% it's him.
So now what? Here's a few things that are informing my decision making/indecision making.
(a) it's his privacy i'm worried about, so he can be free to express himself on here.
(b) there's nothing on it that I don't already know or am worried about so I don't need to be like "hmm what's this about, insert valid concern here".
(c) but i don't want him thinking i'm violating his privacy, or make him self-conscious since he's had the account for several years and rebuilding karma for instance would be silly in a case like this.
Any advice on whether I should just pretend I didn't find it?
Or tell him I found it?
I wouldn't want him to find my reddit account in a perfect world, but I also wouldn't be mad if he did, but I would want him to tell me he found it.
Thoughts? Feelings? Do unto others? Or would it just create a potential trust issue?
TL;DR: | Found my bf's reddit. Nothing bad on it, but unsure if I should tell him I know his username. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Dogtraining
TITLE: dog aggression
POST: i have posted here several times about my dogs, one thing i failed to mention but is very concerning is my dog sadies reaction to other dogs and newcomers into our home. regarding the home first. whenever someone knocks or comes in she goes ape. barking non stop until she comes over and says hello (usually by jumping up on them, a problem we have yet to rectify) we have no spare room to put her in (i heard time outs work until shes calm) and putting her on her side doesnt work.
in regards to other dogs, whenever one comes near she growls and barks, lunges. all the classic "get away" behavior, and i cant get her to stop. i try distracting her with treats. putting her on her side. keep walking. turn around. nothing seems to work. once shes been around them for a few minutes she settles down (sometimes) with smaller dogs she nips them as they get closer. but once we leave se goes back into freak out mode. and lately her behavior is really affecting Loki our 4 month old puppy. i walk them separately to work out thierindividual problems, with sadie i have had little progress. with loki its her jumping up and getting to excited around other dogs. but together is next to impossible. loki is a big dog and her pulling is getting intense, i dont have money for a trainer and want to work this out myself because i myself want to become a trainer and this is good practice... any advice is much appreciated
TL;DR: | sadie our small dog freaks out at people coming in the door and other dogs outside. loki our big pup gets to excited around other dogs and jumps/pulls really hard. together its a shit storm |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 F] with my husband [29 M] of 2 years, he cheated a year ago but just found out about more women
POST: I caught my husband cheating with a coworker a year ago. We were doing pretty well, I thought I understood what happened. He insisted it was the first and only person.
I found his account on a free texting app. Turns out, of course, that he had slept with at least 5 other women. He wouldn't admit to it until I showed him the texts I found. After looking around, I found out that he had been posting ads on craigslist since we began dating. Of course, he says that it never lead to anything until last year.
He says all this doesn't matter because it was so long ago now, and things have been good. He also says he hasn't done anything since I found out. I'm upset that I thought we were working through this "one" slip up and turns out he'd lied about so much more.
I don't trust him even slightly and I don't think I ever will, even if I could be sure he never cheated again. He's been probably sleeping around our entire relationship. This is too much. Am I being irrational because this happened "so long ago", like he says?
TL;DR: | I was trying to repair relationship with cheating husband, found out there were more women. Am I wrong to be this upset about it, even though it (possibility) stopped once I found out? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (24F) fiancé (28M) plans on meeting a woman he had had no contact with for almost 10 years..
POST: We've been together for four years (one engaged). We have our ups and downs but we mostly get through them. This however is a weird subject for me and he won't hear my side..here goes (sorry for format, on mobile).
He was convicted of a felony in 2006/2007 for statutory. She was 17, he was 19. She openly admitted she was fine with them hooking up at the time but there was alcohol involved so that threw her consent out the window (even though they decided this sober). He went to prison and can have no contact with her until he's off parole. I never judged him for this, everyone makes mistakes and in MY opinion it's not like she was 15. He stated a few weeks ago that he wants to meet up with her when he's off parole (10-2017). He wants to tell her how she ruined his life and what this whole situation has caused him. I think it's a terrible idea, she either doesn't care or something..I really don't know. I'm at a loss of words but I think meeting up with her is stupid and could cause him more anger about the whole situation..
I guess I'm looking for advice or a similar story or really anything at all as I am confused about the whole thing....
TL;DR: | Fiancé wants to meet a girl he hasn't seen in 10 years because of a statutory charge to tell her how she ruined his life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: GF doesn't feel "loved" despite my efforts and very busy schedule
POST: I'm [27/M] having issues with my [23/F] GF over her not feeling like I want her around. She recently moved to the city I live in after graduating college and I am currently in medical school here. Recently she has felt that "I don't care about having her as my GF", she says that whenever I do things with her it seems that I am doing them out of obligation and not out of enjoyment. I am very busy with school so it is difficult to balance her, school, friends and family and I feel that a lot of the time she simply demands a lot of me. Example: I have a tough test coming up next week and like to sleep alone with her staying at her place. She has slept with me the last 3 nights but was offended when I asked her to stay at her place one night so I could have a little "me time" where I could watch TV or just browse reddit. Overall I am very happy with her but the relationship is fairly young (9-10 months with only 2 of them having us live in the same city). Looking for advice on how to satisfy her needs as well as keep my sanity with school and this relationship.
TL;DR: | GF thinks I don't enjoy spending time with her, I am a busy medical student and am having a tough time balancing everything. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (M20) and my FWB (F18) are getting attached. Neither of us want to start a relationship, and the added emotion is starting to cause problems with our no-sttings-attached friendship. We communicate very well. How can we stay fwb?
POST: My fwb is catching feelings. She and I both just got out of a relationship and we became eachothers rebounds. She is probably more ready for a new relationship than I am. Last night I told her im honestly just not ready. I dont have the time or commitment, trust or strength to start a relationship. Shes okay with that and understanding; however, she still feels attached.
She explained her feelings to me. Basically she thinks the sex is causing her to develop feelings. It's been maybe 3 months since we started having sex. She wants to consider slowing down on the sex.
I honestly don't because I love the sex we have. It's something to look forward to past all the studying and stress, but if she wants to take a break from it than I respect her decision. Not trying to sound like a brat, but I cant help but feel like im being punished for some odd reason. Our relationship is built on sex. She says she wants to focus on being friends for now, but I don't really know if i want more friends in my life because of the nature of my social life here at college. Id rather just be indepent on most levels, remain unattached to friends and relationships so that I can focus on my education.
Anyways, we both want to continue having sex, but she isn't comfortable continuing if her heart is going go get involved. She doesnt want me to hurt her, and although I like to inagine I'm a sweet gentleman with her best intentions at heart, i cant help but acknowledge that there is a chance she can end up her.
I don't know if there is anyway yo fix this. All FWB relationshios seem to hit this deadend at some point. I knew it was coming but I'm going to feel butt hurt nothing having sex as often as I would like.
How can we slow her emotions down without being manipulative. Im not trying to twist her, and honesty is important to us. Maybe we just need a break
TL;DR: | Fwb is catching feelings. We are both wondering what we can do to stop her feelings from growing so that we can remain fwb without any complications. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [19F] tell my boyfriend [19M] that I don't like sex?
POST: Me and X have been dating for around a month. Things are starting to get more serious; we've been talking about sexuality and past experiences and what we like etc. I know some time he's eventually going to ask about sex, and I don't know how I'm going to reply.
I'm a sexual person. I masturbate, I have fetishes. But I don't like sex (vaginal/anal). This isn't due to any traumatic experiences, I've just never liked the idea of sex. I haven't tried it and I really don't have any intention of doing so. How do I explain this to him without either hurting his feelings/giving him the wrong impression? I know this could be a deal breaker but I want to make it clear to him I'll still do most other stuff.. Just not intercourse.
Any advice is appreciated. Thanks all
TL;DR: | I don't like sex, how do I tell my boyfriend this without hurting his feelings/giving him the wrong impression? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What is the point of being in a relationship?
POST: I never hear the good sides of being in a relationships... All I hear is my friends (that includes you reddit! :))complaining about being in one. People say that, "My girlfriend is always taking up all my time" or "My boyfriend forgot my birthday"
There never seems to be any benefit to being in a relationship... Plus, you set yourself up to be vulnerable to be hurt. People get all worked up when their spouse or Boyfriend/girlfriend sleep with someone else. People put so much stress on themselves when that happens.
So, some background on me. I am a 30 years old man, and I have never had a girlfriend. (I am not a "forever alone" type of person, I have no problem with dating women, or having sex.) Part of me has always wanted a relationship; but since it has never happened, I wonder if my desire to have one stems from culture telling me that I should be in one.
TL;DR: | What are the benefits of being in a relationship? Does it out weigh the costs? Why should I make the time commitment to have a girlfriend? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Fiance (22M) Encourages Me (19F) to Have a Sex Buddy; I'm too Jealous to Return the Courtesy. What Should I Do?
POST: Long time lurker, first time poster. Forgive my mistakes, and my wall of text.
My fiance, "John" and I have been together five years. While I consider myself mostly straight, I am sexually attracted to females and have hooked up with a few in my relationship. John has never been jealous, finding it a turn-on instead.
Recently John has told me that he does not mind the idea of me seeing other women as well as seeing him. He gets really turned on at the very thought of being with other women and has even set up a dating profile for me.
The problem is, I get super jealous at the very thought of a woman touching John. I told him from the beginning, that the only thing I would be comfortable with is having sex with a female while he watched. John said he would be fine with that, but I know that's unfair.
I can't deny I'm excited at the idea of seeing other women and exploring my sexuality. But I know if John one day came to me asking to be in another relationship I couldn't say yes with a good conscience, which I feel is incredibly unfair, and I am wary of putting myself in that position
Has anyone ever been in a relationship which one partner was open ans the other one was happily monogamous? How did it work out? Should I try it out or would it be too unfair to my partner to expect monogamy from him?
TL;DR: | Fiance is open to me having a sex buddy on the side; I could never be ok with him having a sex buddy. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Where should I go from here?
POST: I've been lurking on reddit for a couple months now, and really like the community. I've had a rough month and thought maybe I could get some outside input on my situation.
In the summer of 2010, I finally had a job that was substantial enough to allow me to move out of my parents house. From there, I moved in with a friend we will call Z for the sake of things. After two months, Z introduced me to K. The two of them had dated a few years back, (middle school relationship, nothing huge) and to save you all the boring details, K and I ended up dating two months later.
When Z and I moved to a different house in April, K needed a place too, and ended up getting a bedroom on the top floor. My room was next to Z's in the basement. Well, one thing led to another and 7 months later, we moved out and got an apartment with one of her coworkers. Before signing the lease, K and I had a discussion about keeping things civil of we ever split up, to make sure the lease got paid and no credit was dinged in the process. Earlier this month, I had a successful interview for a job that was going to pay around 2k a month. (I know that's not the greatest, but when you're a college kid making roughly 900 a month, it's a decent upgrade.) Four days after the interview, she broke up with me with no warning, no reasons apart from the normal not getting along with someone 100% of the time that comes with living with someone.
In dealing with being heartbroken and trying to handle the stress of the situation, I ended up with a "unsatisfactory" exam score. (1 point short if you were wondering) The result of which, was me getting canned.
Now, I'm trying to get another job. Currently, I'm in the middle of the application process. And I find myself wondering if I should go through the potential embarrassment of asking K if the space and time apart has changed any thoughts. She seemed pretty adamant at the time. Also, K was passed through foster care a lot as a child. I have a theory that because of that, she doesn't afford people the opportunity to leave her.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend of a year and a half was a foster care victim, dumped me for seemingly no reason, and now I'm between jobs again. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [22/f] Engagement ring crisis: re-used, but family heirloom - what to do?
POST: My boyfriend [28/m] and I [22/f] are planning on becoming engaged in the near future, so the topic of rings came up. His grandparents have given him an engagement ring that is an old family heirloom. However, he has been engaged before, and his ex wore the ring during their crumbling relationship. I'm a bit gutted because it's a beautiful ring, but I hate the fact that his ex wore it. Also, I think most women feel that it is not ok to re-use an engagement ring. I feel guilty asking him for a new ring, but I feel so conflicted about the current one. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | Should I accept an engagement ring my boyfriend used before (and that his ex wore), since it's a family heirloom? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: A 19 year old friend of mine is facing 20-40 years prison time for alleged sex crimes and I'm not quite sure how to process this.
POST: A guy I was very close friends with for a period of high school is accused of sexually assaulting multiple young children while working at a day care.
His image has torn to shreds by the local media and guilty in the public eye long immediately. Today his Facebook status was updated for the first time in a over a year and a half discussing his life story and the difficult life he's faced and the struggles he's had with life long depression and I fear that this may be the end of the line for him. We're both 19 and I struggle living each day knowing that he is in prison a few miles away facing the horror of prison. He was asking for people to write in to his lawyer about good memories and personal testimonials of his character be read aloud at his sentencing since he is going to accept a plea bargain and hope the judge goes easy but given the charges he faces the outlook is grim, I'm not sure if he's guilty or not and watching my friends name get manipulated by the media in the witch hunt style way it did has really warped my image of justice and punishment.
I also get the fear that perhaps is just the victim of a couple lying or misunderstood children and that anybody could be unfairly put into that position. On the flip side I fear that there is the possibility that he did commit the crimes and fear that he has prematurely ended his life and changed the lives of some innocent kids in ways that I can't bare myself to think of.
TL;DR: | A freind of mine is likely facing heavy prison time for sex crimes and I'm unsure of his innocents or guilt and am unable to decide how to make sense of it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: How do I (25F) break up with my 4 month boyfriend (27M) who is sensitive and lacks confidence?
POST: I met my boyfriend of nearly 4 months online. On our second date we slept together. From then on we entered pretty quickly into a relationship. I met his family quite soon due to timings of family events. Basically it all happened fast. I was just happy to be in a relationship, he's really kind and thoughtful. But then a few weeks ago he started to annoy me; he is quite naïve, well looked after by his mum to the point of not knowing how to do basic things, and has a very childish sense of humour. I sometimes feel like I'm the mum and he's my kid when he's telling his stupid stories or making naff jokes. He told me he loved me, I couldn't say it back.
I realised I wasn't really excited to see him and that I wasn't super attracted to him. I thought it was just because I'd already had my first love so it wasn't as exciting but now I realise that's not true, I can still have that thrill and excitement when I see someone. I'm also having issues with him making decisions and initiating sex, he leaves it all down to me. He's very passive and I'm forced to be the dominant one in the relationship, which I don't want to be all the time.
In summary, he's nice but too passive, not very confident and slightly childish and immature. I also realised that I had/have stronger feelings for a sex buddy I had a few months before we met than I do for him. This realisation has confirmed that I can't be with him anymore. The thing is, because things moved so fast we got serious too soon and this is his first proper relationship, so I have no idea how to break up with him or what to say. I broke up with my first boyfriend and made a mess of it and don't want to do the same to him. He lives quite far away so we only see each other at the weekend, he usually comes over to my place.
TL;DR: | Met my bf online, too serious too soon, he has fallen for me harder than I for him, I need to break up with him but don't know how to do it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: Did I screw up and what can I do?
POST: Thank you for taking time to read. Back story me (21f) pregnant 19 weeks. SO (25m) college student.
In February I was hired on to my current job at a call center through a temp agency. I got hired permanent in June. during my time as a temp I missed 6 days of work that was excused due to medical emergency. since being hired I've used all my PTO days due to complications with the pregnancy and am currently applying for short term disability. All of that is going fine.
The problems start here.. with STD I am required to be absent 5 consecutive days self funded. currently I'm 4 days in but out of PTO so they are unpaid. fine no problem. The thing that concerns me is that my STD is not approved yet and if I go over the 5 days i may just get fired. Not sure if they can do that but I'm stressed about it.
Problem 2. The leave may not honor my time as a temp making this an unpaid leave till February when I'm due and would be able to return to work. my SO is currently not working. I prefer he put his energy towards school and not be overwhelmed but now I'm worried about our income going bye bye.
So my question is did I do wrong by starting a leave request that i need and putting our financial situation into the pit?
TL;DR: | used all PTO and applied for leave from work and that may leave a small new family in a bad place. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: I need advice choosing between a my decent tech job and living with less stress.
POST: Im in this dilemma and I don't want to have any regrets. Right after the military I was offered a job in a tech support role which I took, later to find out that it was mainly for a proprietary software that its not giving me any real world experience at all and its 99% phone support which I despise. The pay is alright? 17ph/benefits/fulltime/20 days vac a yr./pay for college tuition/pay for Comptia certs/easy/good hours/yearly bonus, but very little room to grow and I got to take college on top of this next year.
I just don't like this, everyday feels like a challenge going there and im so negative that I don't bother socializing here, and its sucks because I moved to this area for this job and im away from friends and such. I love the tech field but this position in specific is stressing me.
I can quit and live off my scholarship (pays for college and housing) and just go to school full time for the next four years and just concentrate on my engineering degree while living with a friend and just not having many other worries and not be alone. But Ill be strapped on cash. Or tough it out and stay here and take advantage of all these job related benefits on top of my scholarship (=lot of extra money). So far I want to stay here long enough to get them to pay some certs for better employment later and quit.
TL;DR: | – keep job with good benefits and decent pay that I don't like on top of my scholarship (=$$$ + Stress) or use my scholarship and become a full time student with free housing (=$ + less stress). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do you deal with things being one-sided? (Me 28F, him 28M)
POST: We're married, together a total of about 4.5 years. When making simple decisions (such as where to eat / what to cook, what movie to see, how to celebrate an occasion, etc.) it goes one of two ways: We compromise and settle on something that we're both okay with (which I am *not* complaining about), or we do what he wants. Regarding the latter, let's use his birthday for example: I let him completely decide what he wants to do, where to eat, or whatever.
Even if he chooses something I really don't like, I smile and say "Of course!" Because, hey, it's his day, why not have his way? But when it comes to my birthday or special event, he asks what I want and when I answer, he tries to change my mind. "Oh, but that's not very nice, why don't we go to ___ instead??" And then when I try to explain that I'm capable of expressing my wants and he doesn't understand what I'm saying, he wonders why I get frustrated.
In the end, I just get mad and say "fuck it, do as you please, it's not worth arguing over." And then he appears to feel bad and tries to say sorry, and go back and say we can do what I want, but by then I'm done discussing the matter. Why does it have to come to me becoming angry because I have to provide a thorough explanation as to why I want a certain thing?
Again, I will re-iterate, I have absolutely no problem compromising. None. But it gets tiring when your partner is really particular and opinionated, and can't just roll with things just *once* in a while. Does anyone understand what I'm trying to say?
TL;DR: | Resentful because my SO won't occasionally go with the flow, forcing me to because I hate arguing over bullshit such as where to eat. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm 29/F with my 39/M in an 8 Year relationship. Not married. I'm ready to have another kid but he is afraid.
POST: My SO and I have been together for 8 years. Kids have always been on the table. I met him when I was 21, already had a baby, she was 8 Months when we started to date. We moved in with him after a year of dating and he is honestly a fantastic dad, role model, boyfriend and person in general. Love him to pieces as he has the most kind and gentle heart of anyone I've ever met. Always striving to make my daughter and I proud and comfortable in our lives. We have spoke more about having another kid in the last 2 years, but held off when we found out our friends were going to get married in Mexco, he's a groomsman and we're very close with the couple. I didn't want to risk being pregnant away from home or having a new born with us on the trip.
He has always said that meeting me and my daughter was perfect for him. Though he's always wanted kids, he's been afraid because of the way he grew up. He's afraid that he'll characterize the bad qualities of his parents on his own child, even though I've never felt he's crossed the line with my daughter. He also is afraid because he cannot control the genes that this child will be born with. He's type "A" and will research and plan the crap out of something before going in for the deep dive.
He has acknowledged that maybe he should speak with someone about his fear, but I want to be able to help him, as his spouse, partner and friend. He's very open and understanding in most ways so I'm not reluctant about the approach I could take. I want to come off as understanding as possible though, asking the right questions that help him open up without me trying to put my own opinion in and have him feel pressure. I want this for us, not me.
Have any of you been through a similar situation, and know of some questions or situations to help him out?
Note: Daughter's dad is present in her life. He doesn't make anything difficult for us and for the most part we forget about him until he is around.
Thanks ^_^
TL;DR: | SO of 8 years is afraid to have his own kid, even though having already raised a step daughter. Advice to get him to push the GO button! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (f, 21) am starting to wonder if my SO (m,25) is purposefully trying to break my self-esteem down... Together for half a year.
POST: I'm not sure what I'm searching for by posting this to you guys, I think I'm pretty certain of what he's doing... Guess I just want opinions.
I've been noticing a pattern.
We'll be going about our business when suddenly BLAM! (insert x negative comment about me here) ... To which I don't take kindly.
He'll take notice of this, and then he'll throw me the concern-for-my-well-being card or the gushy-i-love-you-so-much card. It's a very abrupt switch.
Sometimes I wonder if he even notices he's doing it, because I'm pretty certain that's the type of treatment he received at home all his life... So it might just fall under the normal category in his head.
Sometimes I wonder if he's doing it because of his massive insecurities and thinks (whether consciously or not, I don't know) that by trying to break down my confidence and self-esteem and then picking me up and "putting me back together" is going to generate some sort of neediness or appreciation of him on my part. Sort of like "You have 10000000 flaws, but I love you, nobody would love you like I do."
I'm speculating trying to figure that glitch in our relationship. He's not a bad guy, he's someone with trust/insecurity issues but also lots of good qualities, I love him dearly so "dump his ass/gtfo" comments aren't what I'm looking for.
Thoughts on how to handle this/why this could be happening?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend often flips a switch and goes from critique to sweet in a nanosecond, don't understand what he's trying to get from it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28 M] and my new SO [27 F] are both coming from unhealthy, codependent relationships. How do we avoid that happening again?
POST: Hello, /r/relationships! This should be pretty quick. I recently entered into a relationship with an absolutely fantastic person. I am looking forward to seeing where things go. I am, however, a bit worried because our previous relationships are similar in some very specific ways:
We both have really only had one serious relationship, her for 8 years and me for between 5-6. We both dealt with partners who were emotionally abusive and fell deep into codependency. I worry that, because that is the only kind of relationship either of us has ever been in, it will be easy to fall into those sort of bad habits again. I will try to be vigilant and make sure that doesn't happen from my end and we are both pretty busy and live about 15 minutes apart, so I feel like that'll work in our favor. Still, I feel that I am only being realistic by recognizing that it might happen.
Does anyone who has come out of a codependent relationship have any advice for how manage boundaries and keep that sort of thing from happening again?
TL;DR: | Me and my new SO are both coming from codependent relationships. How can we avoid falling into old, bad habits? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20f] love my boyfriend [25m] but my brothers have decided they hate him!
POST: Ive known my boyfriend for 5 years now, we only got together about a year ago. I met him through my brother T, and we were all great friends untill a couple of moths ago, when T decided to start living a hermits lifestyle, playing computer games all day and rarely socialising with people.
My boyfriend a dj/producer/party organiser and is really the sweetest, most generous man iv ever met (he often does charity work and will go out of his way to help others). He has inspired me to produce music and encourages me to do my best, hes even inspired me to get into computer game design. As a child and through his high school years there were many people who made up rumors about him. Recently my brothers went to a party and afew of these horrible rumors were told to them.
Instead of asking them if it was true or not they decided to call him and tell him that i was breaking up with him (which i really don't want to do). I KNOW none of these rumors are true and i can clearly see that hes hurt by them. My brothers have been very distant from me for the past few months, they usually sit in one room with the door closed and rarely speak to me now, it seems like they were just waiting for an opportunity to break us up..I love my family dearly and i help out in any way i can and i don't want to loose my family or the man i love.
My brothers want nothing to do with my boyfriend anymore and my boyfriend just wants to sort things out with them but he isn't being given the chance. How do i sort things out so i can keep my family from imploding as well as staying with my love?
TL;DR: | My brothers [23 & 25]hate my boyfriend [25] after hearing malicious untrue rumors. We have been together fore a year and 2 months. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18f] am still not over my ex [19m], a year after we broke up
POST: I was in a relationship with my ex for about two years on and off. We were very young (still are) when we got together, and were each other's first for everything. He treated me really well but I took that for granted and broke it off once because I thought I didn't feel the same about him anymore. We decided to be friends and eventually I started to fall for him again so we got back together, but then he broke up with me because he "didn't want a relationship" and said we couldn't be friends because we had been through too much together.
This was a little over a year ago. We've both graduated since then and I haven't seen him for several months, but I still find myself constantly thinking about him. And by that I mean he is literally on my mind 24/7. I'm always wondering where he is and what he's doing, if he moved on already or if he possibly still thinks of me. It's especially difficult late at night because that's when I'm most vulnerable; I always find myself reminiscing on memories and reading our old conversations and looking back at old pictures. I've had to resist the urge to text him begging him to get back together countless times.
I feel pathetic knowing that it's been so long since we broke up and I still feel the way I felt about him when we were together. I'm almost positive that he's moved on and could very well be dating other girls at this point, but for some reason I still hold onto this shred of hope that we could get back together. It scares me knowing that I've been heartbroken this long, and that I haven't made any progress getting over him yet. I feel like I've lost a year of my life because I haven't truly been happy all this time.
I don't know what I'll do if this drags on any longer. How do I get over him?
TL;DR: | Dated my ex for two years on and off, still not over it a year after the break up. Need advice to get over him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Question about little things that irk me about my SO
POST: I(22 f) have been with my boyfriend (23 m) for 1.5 years. I don't have any complaints, except the tiny things that irk me. More than anything, I'm not complaining but just wondering why he does this.
1. Today he felt the need to reference "the cute cashier that seemed like she was flirting with me at the pet store." He was telling a story and this came up. And when we go to parties (which isn't all that often), he will comment about how cute that girl's butt was, or whatever, after we are back at his house for the night. He doesn't even talk to these girls but he feels the need to mention their ass to me.
2. I thanked him for buying me food and he utterly would not accept my thanks and just came up with snarky sarcastic remarks. Told me I should not be thanking him for everything he does. What? I thought guys LOVE to hear that their girlfriends appreciate them. Then his friend thanked him and he said "no problem man."
3. His exes come up a lot in stories. Actually, he brings up his past quite often (not just exes, but friends from high school and elementary school). He doesn't talk to any of his exes but tells long stories about them and expects me to find the stories interesting. I've told him I don't like hearing about his exes but he still talks about them.
I brush these things off when they happen but now I'm home alone and wondering, why does he do these things?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend brings up exes, makes references to other girls, and won't except my thanks. Why does he do these things? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How would you go about catching the Phantom Shitter?
POST: I've been living in military barracks for just over a year now. When I first got here, I heard rumors of the Phantom Shitter. This person became famous throughout the base by leaving piles of feces in audacious places. To be honnest, I thought it was an urban legend at first. Before long however, shit got real (sorry for that.) Over the course of a few months I had the displeasure of stumbling onto some of the Phantom Shitter's work myself: in the urinals, in the shower, in a dryer, on the counter of a salad bar, on the roof of a sunroom... the list goes on. Recently though, he stepped on someone's toes by leaving a coil on the bell in front of our drill hall. No one can ever touch that bell unless they're polishing it or ringing it. What started off as harmless shenanigans is now making everyone's life a nightmare. Since the bell incident, all junior ranks have been voluntold for extra duty as roaming sentries throughout the base. On top of our regular work hours we have to give a 24 hour shift twice a week. This will continue indefinitely until we catch the Phatom Shitter or until he comes forth. Everyone is exhausted and we need to catch this guy. So I ask you Reddit: What are your ideas for luring/catching the elusive Phantom Shitter?
TL;DR: | Some dude is shitting in crazy places and now everyone's paying for it. I'm calling upon the wisdom of Redditors to help us catch this guy. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, why would any modern government subject its citizens to the Daylight Savings Time cycle?
POST: Winter sucks IMO. Which is why I am counting down the days until March 13th when Daylight Savings Time finally resumes.
Let me get this wrong. For nearly 8 months of the year (Spring, Summer, Fall) it is beneficial for the country to artificially "shift time" in order to have less sunlight in the morning and more at night. (This is known as Daylight Savings Time.)
But from November to March (when daylight hours are much shorter), Daylight Savings Time ends and we are forced to shift an hour of daylight from the evening to the morning. (This is known as Standard Time.)
Now, if it is beneficial to have extra daylight in the evening during DST, why is it not beneficial to do so during the winter (on Standard Time) when it is desperately needed?!
In the past, I have heard explanations such as farmers requiring light in the morning or school children's need to wait for the bus in the daylight. But are these small anecdotal issues with relatively tiny populations of people a real cause for such an enormous inconvenience to the entire country!? Also, can't farmers just get up and work whenever the they like anyway?
As far as I know, daylight in the evening saves money on energy as people spend less on heating/lighting when they are active and the sun is out. Our current system of shifting the time screws up everyone's schedule (twice a year), increases traffic accidents (due to sleep loss), decreases in productivity, makes people sad or even gives people SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
Rant over.
TL;DR: | The removal of Daylight Savings Time robs me of precious sunlight in the Winter. Let's keep it going all year! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think my best friend's gf likes me. Details inside.
POST: Let's call me David (male), my best friend Harry (male again), and my best friend's girlfriend Tara (female, hence girlfriend). Harry and I have been best friends since we were 4 years old, and have had a single fight since then, and that was when we were seven. We're literally like brothers. He's been dating Tara for 3 years, and they're completely in love, and I'm very happy for them.
The problem is, lately Tara seems to be coming on to me. She's constantly going out of her way to spend time with me, and is constantly touching me when we're around each other. Harry and I have always had very similar taste in women, so it's not surprise that I'm very attracted to Tara sexually and romantically.
I don't want to hurt Harry or make things awkward by bringing it up, but we were talking one time, and both admitted we wouldn't mind being in a m/f/m threesome. If this did happen though, I wouldn't want it to be just sex, but rather a real relationship. Harry's never said anything when she's cuddled up on me in front of him, and seems mostly entertained/amused.
TL;DR: | best friend's gf may like me, I definitely like her, and my best friend might be cool with poly. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [M/22] I'm leaving my parents for another country and extremely emotional about this - how to overcome this? On top of this, a met a girl a week ago.
POST: So, I've got enrolled to prestigious masters program in Europe and (I want to stress this) I can't not take this chance. The thing is, I'm massively emotionally attached to my parents and we have a perfect relationship. Graduating this university may lead to finding a good job and staying in that country for good (which was my intention, originally), but the thought of visiting my parents maybe once a year doesn't sit well with me. To make things worse, I met this girl (who I really like, but too soon to call it a relationship) about a week ago and who knows, maybe she's the one? And I wouldn't even mention it if she didn't feel like 100% match. Man, life is never easy.
Dear people of reddit, have you gone through something like that? Please, give me some advices.
TL;DR: | I have to leave my parents (possibly for good) and new girlfriend for Europe; extremely attached to them and don't know how to overcome this. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [25] Dad [56] is a self-made man, who emigrated and started working since his childhood, doesn't understand what it's like to be a part of a family.
POST: Hey guys, this is my very first post on reddit, i hope this goes well.
So first, a little bit of background: my father was born in extreme poverty, he has been forced to emigrate to the 'big city' when he was a child to support his family, never attended a classroom, and has made it quite okey, now he's middle class and has financial independence while putting us, my sisters [18] [20] and i, through college.
When it comes to money he gives us anything he can afford, however, we feel like he never feels secure, his world is divided into allies and ennemies, which makes his behavior michiavellan almost all the time, all his decisions have a hidden motive that benifits him. To mention only one example, the money he spends on our education is no more than leverage he's building up in order to influence us in the future, it's like he's lobbying us, and we have tried and my mother [52] has tried to help him feel included and loved, all in vain. He's leading the same lonely life that he has led all his life, and our family needs an understanding dad.
I love him and i really want to show him what a happy family looks like, but he has never really lived in one, and doesn't understand the psychological part.
What fo you guys think i should do ?
TL;DR: | my dad emigrated alone and started working as a kid man, but can't figure out what it's like to be in a family. What do you think i can do Reddit? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [24 M] My GF [25] of 1 year is worried about my drinking.
POST: My GF [25] of 1 year is worried about my [24 M ] drinking. I go out to the bar with friends 3-4 nights a week or so, but rarely have more than two or three beers. I said that the frequency of having a drink isn't as important as how much you drink when you do consume, but she said "I still don't think it's healthy to be drinking that much." She was raised by her puritanical, Catholic grandmother.
I don't feel I drink too much, or that it has become a problem. She can't drink without getting shitfaced, so I feel like she thinks that is the norm for everyone. I see nothing wrong with frequent trips to the bar with friends, so long as you aren't always getting drunk. There's a distinction between drinking and getting drunk. I told her all this, and she just dismissed it as "I still don't think it's healthy."
TL;DR: | How much drinking is too much? When does it become a problem, and is she just overreacting because of her upbringing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: This guy [M/26] is mad at me [F/24] because I won't cheat on my boyfriend with him?
POST: So I've known this guy from work for about 2 years now. We were cool friends at first until he revealed that he's had a crush on me for the longest. I didn't know what to say. He would always ask to hang out and I always gave excuses not to, one of the main reasons obviously being because I have a boyfriend.
He started getting real weird, texting me all this sexual stuff he wants to do with me then at the same time telling me how he would be an amazing boyfriend to me and he's never had a crush on anyone like this before. He kept suggesting that he wants to be my other boyfriend and I need to stop over thinking things and just try or at least Just kiss him.
He started asking for nudes from me and would get upset whenever I said no. He still kept insisting. I sent him a picture of me in a bathing suit I had on Facebook at the beach And told him that's all he gets to see. He told me he's tired of getting rejected by me and he's just wasting his time. Then he told me never to speak and talk to him again because he's sick of me not caring about him and I'll never change. I mean never change how?? He also told me he's liked me over a year now and it's all time wasted to him because I never sent him any nudes and I never wanna hang out or kiss him, and he hopes my bf makes me happy forever but he said it in a sarcastic tone.
He said all he wants is me and it's the fact that I never wanted to try anything sexual or hang out with him that makes him mad. I mean I have a bf...but he said it didn't matter and now hes mad at me...what am I supposed to say to all this?!! I mean I wanna just say peace out then whatever then part of me,wants to be kind and talk to him but I know he will get more upset. What else can I do?
Thanks...
TL;DR: | this guy I know is mad at me and wants me out of his life because I won't cheat on my bf with him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29 M], how important is attraction in a successful relationship?
POST: I need some help in shedding some light on some of my views after a nasty breakup. She was not happy with my attitude in the relationship, and she was right. It's painful for me to think back and analyze my behavior, and to realize how big of a dumbfuck I was, when she was throwing love at me, and I couldn't do the same. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and a person so wonderful I don't think anyone could not like her. Yet I somehow managed to not have that spark for her. I'm trying to understand why.
Starting with physical attraction, I can sadly confess that I never really was attracted to her fully (her face and body type wasn't very attractive to me), but neither the opposite. She has a nice body, little to complain about. I liked the way she looked, and I was seemingly satisfied with that, but somehow I always thought there are more attractive girls around me. I tried to ignore this, because I didn't want to be superficial, and in a serious relationship there are other things more important, I think. Mind you, sex was never a problem, I was turned on by her instantly, any time, anywhere. I do have a high libido, though.
Her personality was unfamiliar to me. She's a good girl type, but not the conservative type. She was really up for anything, kind of in a weird but in a good way weird attitude, fun loving girl. She's a positive, extremely trustworthy, supportive, smart girl, with lots of added extras. Yes, sometimes I was missing some things in this also, but I never expected perfect. There was nothing seriously lacking.
So what happened? Why wasn't this enough for me? Why couldn't I be so excited to see her every day as she was to see me? Why couldn't I smile so big when we met? Could a lack of bigger physical attraction make me feel this way? Would that matter later on, when we were older? I just can't shake this feeling that she was almost perfect, and it wasn't good enough for me. I'm certain I won't find this unconditional love easily again, yet I couldn't treasure it when I had it. What's wrong with me? :(
TL;DR: | Was physical attraction the fault? Is it that important in a relationship? Why do I see the grass greener on the other side? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [f 20] want to break up with my boyfriend [m 21] next time I see him
POST: We've been together for 10 months.
I've caught him in a few lies. When I try to confront him when I believe he's lying to me, he turns it around on me. He has lied about stupid small things, he's lied about a few bigger things. To me, lies are lies.
I'm over it. The relationship stresses me out. We've talked about our future together recently. I want it so badly, but I know it can't work in the long run, we'll end up fighting again in two weeks, I know it.
I feel like I've led him on in some sense. I broke up with him last week and then we got back together, he begged and pleaded for me to come back, so I did. We got along well this week, but the sadness I feel inside from his lies is unbearable. I can't do this anymore. I need to break up with him and stick to it.
We're meeting in person to talk. He thinks it's going to be okay, but I need out.
How do I stick with the break up when he starts to beg and plead?
TL;DR: | I am seeing my bf in two days, and I want to break up with him but don't know how to stick with it. How do I stick with the breakup if he begs for me to stay? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: My flatmates have completely moved out of the flat. They are not coming back. They have left it a COMPLETE MESS.
POST: I am the last to leave, and they have left it so messy. Usually when you move out of a flat, you clean it up. *Leave it the way you had it when you first arrived.* I moved out around March, so I have not been living there for four months. I still have some things there that are going into storage tomorrow.
Yet, my flatmates have left the place disgusting. There is dust everywhere, the floors are completely dirty, they still have their things around. No one bothered to clean the kitchen, living room or bathroom. They have not even cleaned their rooms. They have completely left the garbage out in our little alley. It's been there for weeks (or smells like it has).
I refuse to clean up their mess. They have made my life miserable with parties, bullying and their constant use of illegal drugs. I am going back tomorrow to clean up my room and my room only. I have not been living there for four months, so I really do not think I'm responsible. My landlord knows this. But I am still afraid I may lose the deposit. Does anyone have any advice at all?
TL;DR: | Flatmates moved out and left the flat a mess. I will not clean it up. I do not want to lose my deposit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me[21f] with my ??? [29m] 4 weeks. tell him how i feel?
POST: so i met this guy over okcupid a few months ago. we talked, flirted. he met me once outside my apartment, he was going somewhere so we only talked for a few minutes, then he hugged me, kissed my cheek and walked off. we met a few days later. he walked up and kissed me, we talked again for a while, and i kissed him goodbye.
a week or so later he invited me over to his place, we watched stuff, made out and cuddled, talked etc. it was nice. a week or so later we did the same thing, except i ended up sleeping over with all that comes with. we cuddled in the morning for hours, he made me breakfast, cuddled some more, he made me dinner, cuddled/messed around until i had to catch the last subway home.
but that's kind of the last i've seen of him for nearly 2 weeks i think. he's showed up outside my apartment a few times, and we've talked and kissed for a little bit, but never more than a few minutes. other than that he says he has been too busy. mostly with friends and stuff, it seems. lately he has been working, but he gets off at 5. still nothing :(
i mean, he is currently staying with a friend because he's looking for a new place, but i've offered him to come to my place, so i don't know.
okay anyways, thats some info. now to my horrible crazy issue: i think im kind of a little bit in love with him. i think about him way too much and i miss him like crazy. he probably doesnt feel the same judging by how he has been acting. should i tell him how i feel?
i mean, i feel like its only going to get worse the more im with him and the more i talk to him, and if he isn't looking for that, then wouldn't it be best to cut it short? very confused!
thanks :))
TL;DR: | dating a guy for a few weeks, littlebit in love, not sure how he feels, do i tell him how i feel? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I want to be engaged, and he says he does too, but that I have to wait for our year mark.
POST: I love him so much. I know I'm young, being 23, but I know this is what I want for the rest of my life. He is supportive, loving, funny, and a good person. I have expressed to him that I really want to get married someday, and that we should take the next step.
He is saving for a ring, but he says that an engagement to him isn't as important as it is to me. Which, okay, I get it... But what I don't get is that he swears he knows he wants to be with me forever, but he wants to wait until a year to ask me to be his wife.
Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying a year is a ridiculous amount of time. I understand it's healthier to wait even longer. But if he knows, like he says he does, why put a timeframe on it?
It's just getting harder every day, wondering what the deal is.
TL;DR: | He says he wants to get married, but won't propose until we've been together for around a year. Why? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [23 F]with my BF [26 M] of a year and a half, i messed up really bad, i feel he might leave, please help!!
POST: We have been together about a year and a half, we are by no means a normal couple we fell in love almost instantly, he became my best friend almost overnight. We talk about our future alot, kids, marriage, traveling, goals, dreams. I feel like we are open with each other.
We are about to move and im nervous, not so much for us but more for my family, I've been there for my family since I was about 8-9 years old and as much as I want to go im terrified everything will fall apart after we leave. Well because ive been stressed I made a horrible decision to drink with my dads side of the family. I was pressured into doing something really bad that normally I wouldn't partake in.
TL;DR: | I don't want to lose him. How do I know or how can I tell if he is going to leave me? what can i do to make it better? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Divorce after short marriage...am I doing the right thing?
POST: Bare bones: I'm 23, he's 31: we've been together for four years, married for 1.5. He is charming, handsome, very talented...but very cocksure and doesn't give me the support I need. Only holds me and tells me he loves me when drunk, and our sex life is very one-sided. I.e., I do what he wants but get nothing out of it.
.
We have been going to a counselor for a few months, as every time I brought up issues in our relationship previously he ignored me. Came to the conclusion that I need to get out of the marriage. Started having feelings for someone else, but more than that, realized that I couldn't handle husband's negative and judgmental attitude. Nothing is ever good enough, whether a movie, meal, etc.
.
Last week I told him it was over, and have been staying with friends. Felt nothing but relief that first night, but have talked to him since and miss him very much. Reality is sinking in and I am afraid to make it on my own, set up bank accounts, find a place to live, etc. Easy to forget the bad times early in the morning and late at night when I am lonely. When I talked to him a few days ago he gave me a 4-page letter he had written about how he wanted to make things work and he loved me and thought I was making a mistake by filing for divorce. Said everything I wanted him to say three months ago when we started talking to the counselor.
.
Am I doing the right thing? I was so sure, before, that I needed out of this marriage. Spent Thanksgiving talking to my parents and they are now on my side and tell me that I should get out. But when it comes down to it, I miss him. If I miss him, does that mean I'm making the wrong choice?
.
TL;DR: | Married young, had unhappy and unfulfilling marriage, told husband last week I wanted a divorce. Now I miss him. Am I doing the right thing? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: He [20M] told me [22F] he used to sleep with many random women. I did never sleep around. Now I'm feeling like I have missed something
POST: We met around 6 years ago but lost contact.
We reconnected a month ago and we instantly felt, that there was more than friendship.
We decided that we both wanted a serious relationship so we had a very long talk about all aspects about what we want and expect from a relationship. We talked about all boundaries and such things.
We too spoke about our past and he told me there was a time when he used to sleep around with many random girls.
That hit me hard. I know that his past has nothing to do with me, but it bothers me. But I can get past this, because it is really not my business what he did before me.
My real problem is, that I never slept around and now I feel like I missed something in my life....I want to experience this, too.
I don't know why I feel this way. I think it is really ridiculous, but I can't help it.
What can I do to deal with this???
TL;DR: | New boyfriend used to sleep around. I never did and now I'm feeling like I missed something in my life. How can I deal with this feeling? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, how do I confront the man who pooped on my couch and tried to clean it with bleach, ruining the couch cushion and kitchen counter?
POST: My friend and I were having some drinks last night. After we got back from the bars he was too drunk to drive so I let him sleep on the couch. When I woke up today, there was a poop and bleach covered rag on my kitchen counter, and bleach spilled all over the counter. I began to search for where the shit was cleaned with bleach, and discovered that he had used it to attempt to get the poop out of the couch, to no avail.
After I cleaned up the aftermath, I discovered a 2' x 2' section of countertop was stained because of the bleach. To make matters worse, he left about half a roll of poopy toilet paper in the toilet which was clogged.
I rent my apartment and have put down a deposit. This is the only potential problem I would have with getting that deposit back when I move out.
1) How to I confront him without embarrassing him?
2) Is there any way to get the bleach out of the counter? They are laminate counter tops.
TL;DR: | Friend shit on couch and tried to clean it with bleach. Couch cushion is ruined and he left the shit-rag on the counter, which is also stained because of bleach. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I've (f22) always thought of myself as a reasonable person. Should I be concerned about my SO's (m22) new 'friendship'? (f21)
POST: Me (f22) and my boyfriend (m22) have been together for two years, and have a very healthy and fun relationship other than this this particular issue.
My bf plays tennis roughly 3 times a week, and a few weeks ago started beig good friends with another girl on the team (f21.) I have no problem with having friends of the opposie sex. I think it's something to be encouraged. HOWEVER, i found a text on his phone. (after he asked me to go through his texts to find an address) from this girl saying that she would like to sleep with him. My bf explained in his reply that this cannot happen. When I confronted him, he said nothing would ever happen. She also has a boyfriend which makes me think that sending that text is not something she would do lightly.
They are both good writers and have since then been meeting up and writing scripts. He never mentions her anymore despite the fact I know they are close. Several of our mutual friends have warned me to keep an eye on her.
This is bothering me a lot, but I don't know what to say to him. As far as I know, he hasn't done anything wrong, and I don't want to tell him he can't be friends with her. How should I approach the situation?
TL;DR: | My boyfriend has a friend who I assume fancies the pants off him. Do I have a right to be bothered by this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [32M] and I can't forgive myself for what I did to my ex because of my own insecurities.
POST: So I'm a 32 year old male.. that has severe issues with intimacy and abandonment. I just recently met my father after 28 years of not knowing him and I'm learning how to say "I love you" to someone besides my mother... who raised me alone.
Needless to say, my mother raising me alone created some sort of complex that I can't quit define in myself.. but it's destroying me and my outlook on life. I can't seem to understand how people can just live happy. I'm constantly in fear..anxious.. and just down right pessimistic.
Now before they took over my life and made me fuck up really bad.. I was doing well. Then I got fired and I started getting strung out on pills. I stopped going to school and just worked. Then I met the girl of my dreams.. J.
Now when we first started dating, I told J that I had a problem with pills. She still stuck with me and things were okay... for a year or two. Now I've always believed in bettering yourself with knowledge.. and J had the chance to go to school.. but she flat our refused. Even while I was making enough money that she could've just applied herself to school..she didn't want to. And for the life of me I couldn't understand how someone can now want to better themselves.
Well this is the part that I can't get over. I cheated on J. I did shit that is unforgivable and now that I'm sober... I look back on it and can't fucking believe how disgusting I was. It hurts me... so bad that I feel like I'll never be able to have a real relationship with anyone... ever.
How do people get over this kind of stuff?
TL;DR: | I have really bad commitment issues because of growing up.. cheated on wonderful exgf.. don't know how to forgive myself. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (19F) Was flirting with the third (19M) for our "threesome". Do not know if he is interested or not. What signs should I look for?
POST: Me and my boyfriend decided to have a sort of a threesome happening, no penetration but everything else is ok. We are both comfortable doing it with one person, his best friend, who I am also somewhat close with. We asked him a few times, he has said that "Let's hang out in real life and see what happens", as we were long-distance at the time, now I am back with him.
We hang out a few times by now, first time we watched a few movies, as he was shy, he was avoiding eye contact a little and touching completely but we talked a lot, next time we saw each other was at a house party this weekend, where we had a few drinks, and we had somewhat a few touching, our arms and in the end me touching on his thigh/next to his groin, after that incident we had a lot of eye contact for the rest of the night, like a lot, he was looking at me and smiling for up to a minute? I really liked it. It was bold move coming from him. Next day, we were all watching a movie in his bed and I started caressing his outer upper thigh for an hour or so, nothing too sexual, just moving my hands once in a while since bed was not that big. I did the same for the next movie until some time then stopped, then he was brushing his feet into mine/my thigh. We will be spending our weekend together, again. Where we might finally do something, thing is he is very shy and if he is not interested, we both don't want to scare him off and possibly hurt the relationship.
TL;DR: | Want to have some sort of threesome with our mutual "close friend/best friend", do not know if he is into it or not. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Found a lost laptop, but can't find the owner. Reddit, what should I, or could I, do with it?
POST: First off, NO it was not stolen. A friend of mine works for an airline at the regional airport in my city. A few months ago, while cleaning out the passenger cabin after it had landed, he found a HP Mini in the back of one of the seats. This plane was also coming from a major hub for the airline, so the passengers were from all across the country. He gave it to the lost and found, nobody claimed it for the standard period plus a few days, so he was free to take it home. He tried to get into it, and being not-so-tech-saavy, let me take a look at it to see if we could find the owner. The username didn't give us any clues, there was nothing else besides the Mini itself in the case, not even a charger. Using a visiting friend's charger, I've tried various ways to get into the system, and could not find any information for it's owner. I've even attempted to find the owner via S/N and through HP Support, nothing. So, after a few months of trying to find the owner, and my friend going back home, I now have a homeless HP Mini with a dead battery. What could I, or should I, do with it? Get another charger and keep on trying? Wipe it? Sell it?
TL;DR: | My friend found an HP Mini while cleaning an airline passenger cabin, and we haven't been able to find it's owner and are giving up. What are my options with it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by letting my drunk friend sleep on my couch
POST: This happened on New Years Eve.
For New Years myself and about 10 friends had a small gathering that involved lots of alcohol. One friend, let's call her Amelia, had a bit too much to drink. By that I mean she killed two bottles of champagne and took multiple shots.
So as the night winds down and everyone starts stumbling home, Amelia decides that it would be a great idea to drive, however she can't find her keys (we took them away from her for obvious reasons). I offer up my couch to her and she gladly accepts.
The next morning Amelia rushes home in a hurry, I figure it's because she's feeling hungover. Over the course of the day one of my friends and I are in the living room and we notice a smell. As we search we notice something red on the couch cushions. We flip them over to find that Amelia had started her period the night before and bled all over the couch.
When confronted via phone Amelia denies everything which leaves me to clean up. With a lot of bleach and swearing I clean the couch and use a knife to cut out bits of fabric that won't clean. What a bloody great way to begin 2016.
TL;DR: | Let a drunk friend sleep on my couch. She starts her period and bleeds everywhere leaving me to clean up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [M18] My girlfriend [G18] wants a break. I respect that she needs some time to think. What can I do to keep my mind off things as I wait?
POST: I've spent the last two days in a little ball shaking and crying. This hurts very badly. I'm a senior in highschool, and we were dating for two years. I didn't expect it. I woke up one morning and asked her what was wrong, what was bothering her, she said she didn't know if she wanted to be with me.
At first she wanted a break, but everything's sliding towards the final goodbye. She says she wants to be independent, and needs to learn how to make herself happy. I respect that, I've been giving her time to think about this, trying not to bother her. We had a few hour long phone calls, where I just poured out my heart and said every little cute thing I could think of. It gave me hope because she listened, because she didn't say it was final yet, she just kept on saying she didn't know. Over the last few weeks we had a bunch of stupid fights about jealousy, her relationship with her mom (mom's an addict, takes advantage of her) and our financial situations. However, recently we've been so cute and intimate with eachother, and she's convinced I was only being nice because I saw this coming, which I didn't. She's convinced if we get back together I'm going to hurt her again (emotionally, of course). I'm still hoping that she'll come back to me, but I don't think it's realistic. I'm broken guys. I haven't eaten or slept since it happened. I don't know what to do. This hurts so fucking bad.
It's so out of the ordinary. A few days ago we were making a gingerbread house and she couldn't stop telling me how much she loves me. I'm having trouble coming to terms with this.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend wants a break, is scared I'm going to hurt her emotionally. She wants to be independent and happy. I am a wreck. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by wiping my ass with BPA for 2 years
POST: How do I explain this? Start with CVS. For non-Americans, CVS is a nationwide chain of pharmacies. They had the dubious distinction of being named the most expensive drugstore in America in 2013. They're also mildy internet-famous for their [really, really long receipts] They also have a coupon vending machine that spits out equally copious reels of paper coupons when you swipe your loyalty card.
This is where it gets bad, I get the bright idea to repurpose these ridiculous receipts and coupons. Save the environment and save a buck, right? They're long white paper strips that come in rolls. One could be forgiven for thinking they'd make a passable toilet paper substitute in a pinch.
They worked better than expected (which is not to say well). I was hard up for cash, so why not recycle them? I'm not a savage. I used regular toilet paper for the detail work, but the receipts worked just as well for the broad strokes.
I also began using some of the coupons as bookmarks, post-it notes, and recipe cards. After all, why not? I would bike past CVS every morning on the way to work and swipe my card. It felt oddly subversive.
Fast forward two years, when I saw the fateful headline: [Receipts May Expose Us to High Levels of BPA] Shaken, I hopped on reddit, only to discover more bad news:
* Nasty chemical BPA found in cash register receipts at concentrations 250-1000 times the amount found in other items... and it absorbs through your skin & can't be washed off.
* Worse Than BPA? Toxic BPS Chemical Found Hiding In Receipts, Recycled Paper
But wait, it gets better:
* [Study finds link between BPA and prostate cancer](
Don't try this at home kids.
TL;DR: | Tried to save a few bucks by wiping my ass with receipts, inadvertently dosing myself with insane quantities of BPA. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my friend [26 M], Crush on heartbroken shy boy, What should I do?
POST: I've had a crush on my friend Kevin for a while, but he was in a 3 year relationship with his girlfriend so I haven't done or acted on my feelings at all. Recently his girlfriend cheated on him and they broke up, he was left heartbroken. It's been about a month since and he's getting better. Last Saturday we got really drunk and got pretty close. After sobering up he stayed at my place for the night, and we kissed and cuddled, we talked all night. I told him I've liked him for a while.
Since then, it's been almost radio silence. We had some small talk online. I invited him to my place this weekend but got a "meeeehhh, not interested" kind of response. Anyone know what's going through this guy's head?
For some context on the situation, he said I was really pretty (and just objectively, I'm not unattractive and I'm pretty popular. Some of Kevin's friends have crushes on me which I've shut down), he liked that I was down-to-earth and that he liked me too. He also mentioned liking the freedom of the single life and he was scared (not sure what he was scared of. Getting into a relationship with me? Scared of me? Scared of being hurt again?). He's also historically bad with women (just generally talking to them) and he's really shy, tends to overthink things, and doesn't do initiative well.
My main concern – How do I act from? So far it's been me mostly messaging him to very lukewarm responses. I don't want to keep pestering him about something he's not interested in. I was thinking about leaving him alone for a while because he's probably still mourning his old GF, but I'm not sure what's going through his head.
TL;DR: | Crush on a shy boy. Not sure if I should proceed with aggressive maneuvers or sit back and wait for the rabbit to come out of it's hiding hole. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20/F] and my boyfriend [20/M] of six months – I want to be involved in his hobby, but I physically can't.
POST: I have a lot of health problems, but probably the biggest one is a heart condition that makes it dangerous for me to do very strenuous exercise because my heart cannot pump correctly. My exercise is a brisk walk in the evenings most days, and I'm careful about my diet since excess weight can aggravate my condition. I also can't drink too much alcohol and caffeine. It kind of sucks, especially since the condition can easily be passed down to my potential future kids, but I've had it my whole life and I've got it under control.
My boyfriend Devin, however, is a fitness fanatic. He's the type of person who has carefully planned out a complicated workout schedule, eats pounds of protein powder, has like no body fat, etc. Fitness and working out is his hobby and it makes him incredibly happy. He's recently got a job at our school's gym as a student trainer, and every day he tells me how great work was.
Here's the rub – I cannot join him in his hobby. Devin has been great about learning my hobbies and even learning how to crochet, but all I can do is listen about his. I can't join him at the gym, I can't really do much in terms of fitness and exercise. I fear like we mostly just do stuff I like because of my health problems, and I don't want our relationship to become lopsided and biased towards me because of a dumb genetic condition.
TL;DR: | My boyfriend is a gym junkie, I have a condition that makes his type of workout very dangerous for me. How can I prevent activities from being too biased towards me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Asked a girl out, scheduled the date, and apparently she has a BF?
POST: Hey all, this is a throwaway account. Something really weird happened to me this week and I wanted to ask what you guys thought. I met a girl this week who not only is very pretty, but seemed very sweet. For the sake of anonymity I can't get into the details as to how we met since she may very well be a redditor (she seemed like one of us). Anyway, I asked her out to dinner via voicemail, and she called me back saying she'd LOVE to go out. We made plans for tonight to go out and we still have those plans. However, I ran into her this morning (again can't provide circumstances as to why I see her on my routine) and she kind of blurted out the "boyfriend" sentence (ie. yeah my bf _______). I immediately believed that she called an audible in the truest sense (according to Seinfeld), however, we are still going out tonight and I am to pick her up. Her Facebook profile does not show her in a relationship nor has she said anything about a boyfriend before. Now yes, I know what you all are thinking: "well maybe she just wants to be friends." However, if she does, why would she agree to go out to dinner with me on a SATURDAY NIGHT without wanting to bring a group or even informing me of this? Can anyone provide some insight? I need to know soon though because I don't know whether to back out or not. I'm very attracted to her and she seems like my type, however, I find this behavior to be very strange and, frankly, unattractive.
TL;DR: | Asked a girl out, she agreed to go out, just informed me she has a boyfriend, yet still scheduled to go out. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Affection is painful for SO(19) and I (M/20)
POST: I can be affectionate at times, if I'm in a great mood, but generally my gf has to initiate. At times, I feel I just can't handle her touching me. It's more than uncomfortable, it's almost painful. I'm not upset or unhappy, I just need time and space until it passes. It kind of ruins snuggling, cuddling, and holding hands.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 5 years and it has not gotten any better or easier to deal with. We've talked about it and she gives me the space I need. But I can tell she is as worried as I am. Because I struggle to explain how I feel, I hypothesize that painful affection is tied to it.
TL;DR: | affectionate touching from my girlfriend hurts, she gives me space, but ater 5 years it is not getting any better. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [21/F] How do I tell (22/M) that I have hpv?
POST: First of all if there is a subreddit that I could post this in that my question would be better suited for please let me know.
So here is my situation - I had previously been seeing this guy for several weeks until things ended between us right before thanksgiving. After thanksgiving I found several warts consistent with hpv and also received a call from my doctors office about an abnormal pap smear result. I've scheduled an appointment for a colposcopy and biopsy on the 19th to see if there are any pre-cancerous cells etc. I had already been planning on informing this guy after I get the results of the biopsy.
However we have now begun talking again on a regular basis and things are quickly looking as if they could turn sexual again fast. This wouldn't be as big of a deal if the guy wasn't a virgin with little to no previous sexual contact before me. How do I essentially teach him what hpv is as well as explain that he's already been exposed in a way that won't freak him out too badly? I really want to stress how widespread it is (85% of people ages 18-24 have it in my county according to a nursing friend of mine), and that just because my body is reacting to it this way does not in any way mean his will react similar (it remains dormant in most people as their bodies fight it off over the course of a couple years, at most men might see genital warts - very rarely cancer). I'd like to think I'm fairly well informed as I've written papers about hpv on several occasions as well as the research I did after the phone call from my doctor, but I'm struggling to come up with a way to say it that doesn't come off too long-winded and scary.
Has anyone had to tell their partners before? Or been told that a partner has hpv? How did they/you handle it?
TL;DR: | I found out I have hpv - how do I tell a previous partner who is a virgin that I have it and they have been exposed? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Warrant out for my girlfriend's arrest due to unpaid ticket
POST: In November of 2013 my girlfriend got a speeding ticket and a "failure to yield to officer" (for pulling over on the wrong side of the road).
The ticket said to pay by March, but my girlfriend was unable to and recently found out there was a warrant out for her arrest.
She called the court and they said she had to find a lawyer or a bail-bonds business to post bail.
She called the bail-bonds place and they want to know if she can simply pay the court a fine. However, the court is being very uncooperative (Grandview, TX).
She is leaving the country in two weeks for six months and therefore cannot go down to Grandview and possibly get put in jail. She wants to pay this as quickly as possible and just get it behind her. Possibly get it taken off her insurance if at all possible.
We don't know what to do. Everyone is being very uncooperative. Can anyone gives us the steps we need to take?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has warrant out for her arrest in a state we don't live in due to unpaid speeding ticket. We have no idea how to tackle this |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I (23F) make his (23M) birthday special when we might not have time to celebrate it?
POST: My SO and I have been together for 3.5 years, living together for 2.5 years.
In the last few years, we've gone to his family home for his birthdays to spend it with his mum and sisters and friends (when they used to live in the area, they didnt live there last year but he was happy just seeing his mum and family).
Unfortunately this year my sister and her long time bf/fiance/to be husband are getting married around that time; their actual wedding is the next day. The 2-3 days before the birthday will also be spent doing family events and other really important wedding events that cannot be missed or left early to do something special for SO.
He is also quite unhappy because most weekends throughout the year they (sister, fiance, and SO) went to my parents place to do landscaping and building work (one of the events is there) and he feels like its wasted his year. (I work weekends so most of the time wasn't able to go help)
The problem came up recently as he didn't realise that his birthday date would be spent either at the wedding venue setting up or at home doing all the prep work before the big day.
He is understandably upset that he wont be able to see his family on his birthday nor will we be able to do anything special.
His work place recently said they were renting out one of the super fancy, gold class type movie theatres on the birthday for people to go watch a super anticipated new movie that night.
I think this would have been great were it not for a few factors:
a) it will go super late and he won't be home til very late
b) im sure we will be up and about very early on wedding morning
c) we are both very important parts of the wedding party and cannot look or seem tired or anything.
I am at a loss what to do. I don't want to compromise on either the wedding or his happiness.
TL;DR: | SO's birthday is day before wedding. Will be too busy prepping and setting up to really be able to celebrate it or see his family. How can I make it more special and make sure he knows he is important and loved? |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: How do you deal with PMS + stress/emotional eating?
POST: I'm generally pretty good about PMS, but I've been so miserable and stressed lately that PMS just amplifies everything. I tend to be an emotional eater, so when I'm PMSing, my cravings are just exacerbated to a point where I almost can't do anything to say no. I've been doing really well since the beginning of January, but I fucked up hugely tonight and now I'm extremely unhappy with myself and will likely have gained back everything I lost this past week. I would go running, but around this time I get cramps that are so painful that I have to stop.
Ladies, what do you do about this? Do you treat it like just another emotional eating episode
TL;DR: | PMS + stress/emotional eating = failure. Would like this not to happen again. How do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: where to post this? legal advice on estate in foreign country (for u.s. citizen)
POST: i tried helping a friend with this the last time it came up and now it's come up again.
he is autistic and poor so he doesn't have the social skills to deal with his manipulative family nor the money to hire an attorney. his mom died several years ago and has money and property in guatemala. his family is pressuring him to sign power of attorney to an uncle in guatemala who was part of a scam with other members of their family where they lied (denied that my friend existed) to complete paperwork to take over his mom's home in guatemala.
what subreddit can advise on estate laws in guatemala?
TL;DR: | autistic man living in poverty needs advice/ assistance on handling mom's estate in guatemala (family is trying to manipulate him) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24 M] got treated like a trash by my girlfriend [21F] of 7 months.
POST: So my girlfriend has pointed out that I'm a very apologetic person; I say sorry way to often and that I'm too nice when it comes to people, and I've noticed this too, so I decided to break this habit. We're talking on the phone and tell her about how I wanna change this habit. She then responds with, "Okay, but say sorry to me right now." At first I think she's joking so I reply with "Nope 😁 I'm not gonna say it haha". Shen then gets more serious, "baby, tell me you're sorry." I notice her tone, and I reply back with "Um...no? I didn't do anything 😕". Then she says "I'm gonna hang up on you if you don't. You have until the countof three. 1...2...3..." I tell her I'm confused when she finally hangs up on me. I was bummed out by this and called back, she picks up and I say "um, what was that? Why'd you hang up? Sorry, okay." And then I try to change the subject when it's clear I sound upset. She says "Are you okay, baby?" I try to write off like I am okay but I finally express that I'm bothered by what she did. She begins to apologize to me. So my question is: How does one go about handling being disrespected by their SO?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend orders me to say "sorry" when I did nothing wrong. Hang ups on me and makes me call back thus making feel like a fool. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my potential girlfriend [18 F] for 4 weeks, is it worth starting a relationship when she wants to move away in a year?
POST: We met 4 weeks ago and hit it off really well. We've been texting/talking nonstop since then, and have met up 3 days a week after our Uni classes.
We've both told each other that we really like each other an all that.
BUT, she told me the other day that she wants to move across the country to live forever and finish her course there.
I know this is probably too early to say this, but if we do end up being bf/gf and it lasts until she moves away, I don't think I'd be able to go with her.
I'll try to answer as many questions as I can.
Also, I'm not interested in a long-distance relationship either.
I'd love to hear other peoples stories also!
TL;DR: | So I just need some opinions, is it worth starting a proper relationship with this girl, when she will only just move away in a year or so time? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by not wearing a belt (possibly NSFW)
POST: I (17 M) am an amateur / hobbyist PC builder. As you can imagine, a flashlight is quite handy when building a PC. So when my old battery light died right when I was doing a complicated build, I immediately rushed to to a local electronics store, not paying much attention to my clothes. I just grabbed my oversized trousers and forgot the belt.
At the store I bought a red rubberized flashlight, but I didn't have a bag with me so I put the flashlight in one my pockets and headed home.
**Here is the messed up part**
On the way home I managed to trip myself over a small rock. When I fell to the ground, my trousers slipped off my ass and pulled a bit of underpants with them, exposing my ass crack. My flashlight also fell out of my pocket.
For a moment I thought I could get away before bystanders would start mocking me, but then one of them yelled: "Take that dildo away and stop pleasuring yourself." Everyone was almost crying from laughter and I quickly ran home before someone could take a picture.
TL;DR: | My pants slipped off when I tripped myself and my flashlight fell out of my pocket. It all looked like I was pleasuring myself. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25/f] am not very experienced in long term relationships and don't know if i deserve more than what I have [27/m]
POST: Hi everyone- I am in my first serious relationship now, and it's the longest I've ever been in. Right now I've been with my boyfriend for two years while living together a majority of that, and we've been through some very challenging and trying times with success. He is fully committed to me, loves me, and lets me know that all the time. I care for him deeply, but he has this terrifying hot-headed problem that very occasionally brings out an ugly side of him. Usually I'm able to steer clear when I foresee it coming, but sometimes I get clingy and pokey because of PMS or something else is bothering me, and it just happens. He turns into a monster: says terrible hurtful things ("you know what, fuck you") and sits there fuming at me for days at a time. If i talk to him, god forbid get angry at him, it spirals downward even more. It usually results in me metaphorically bending over and taking it until he cools off and regrets saying all of it.
I don't feel like I do serious crimes here.
FYI, no physical violence, nor any sign of it in the future. It never happens out of the blue, it happens because I say something that offends him or poke or get all clingy girlfriend on him. I want to keep thinking it's my problem, because at least then I can try and fix it (like working on the poking and boundaries), but at the same time there is NO breathing room for me to make a mistake without a blowup. Am I overreacting, or is this the patience I was told would be a big part of a serious relationship? His good certainly outweighs his bad, otherwise this wouldn't even be a question for me. I'm also very committed to him, I'm hoping for a solution besides jumping ship.
TL;DR: | i make mistake, his hotheadedness blows it up into a huge deal and I have to pay for it for the next 2-3 days. |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Should I go through with laser surgery? Any stories/opinions/suggestions welcome!
POST: So I'm a 23 year old single guy who lives by himself pretty frugally (I included that because it's an indication of what my financial situation is and what it would be in the future, not because this is a thinly veiled relationship post), and after a few years of steady IT work, I'm in a position where I could feasibly drop the few grand necessary for lasik/similar laser eye surgery to fix my nearsightedness for good, but am not sure whether it's a good investment in myself.
I've thought on and off about laser surgery for probably 6 years now, but have never been in a financially secure enough position to really consider it until pretty recently, so I'd just like any input that people want to share (red pill/blue pill/green pill/whatever color pill you want).
The reason I really am strongly considering it now is because of a disappointing situation I went through this past fall; I had finally decided to join an amateur rugby club, and after about a month and a half of practicing, the first game was coming up, and even though my glasses had come off a couple times, it wasn't like I had to stop every 4 minutes to pick them up. But someone mentioned it off-hand that you couldn't wear glasses during a rugby game, not even rec specs (or whatever they're called), and there was no way I could get fitted for contacts, have them delivered, then get used to them in that little amount of time, so I ended up quitting the team because it wouldn't be worth it to practice/pay dues if I never actually got to play in the games. And I was pretty frustrated about that; it had been a long time since my glasses had really hindered me from doing something important, but it got me thinking about laser surgery again and so here I am.
TL;DR: | want to break away from glasses for good; uncomfortable with contacts (sensitive eyes, not okay with sticking things in/onto my eyes every day), want to get laser surgery but not sure if it's worth it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by unintentionally posting an obscene emoji gesture on Facebook
POST: This actually happened a couple of weeks ago if it matters. I was bored on Facebook one night so I decided to post an emoji-fied version of [some artwork from an album I liked.] (Make sure you see the artwork first, it's vital to the FU.) Anyways, the closest I could get to the gesture seen on the artwork using emojis [was this.] If you don't yet see why that's obscene then maybe you need to have "The Talk". (Get it now? If you STILL don't, 2 words. FINGER SEX!) At the time I was posting this, my stupid brain didn't think AT ALL about how this gesture might look to someone who knew nothing about the album artwork. The real kicker here is that I posted the emoji gesture accompanied by nothing else and with absolutely NO CONTEXT whatsoever.
Anyways, I post the gesture and go away for a while. I come back to Facebook and see that my friend's sister commented "???" on my post. At the time, I just thought she wanted to know what the gang sign-esque gesture meant. (I still didn't realize my terrible mistake yet) I showed her the artwork and she seemed pleased with my explanation. No other likes or comments on my post except for the one already mentioned. Fast forward a couple weeks and I am talking to my friend on the phone. (His sister is the one who commented on my post.) He eventually brings up my post and asks what it was supposed to be. I told him it was the aforementioned artwork made in emojis and he starts laughing hysterically. He says something to the effect of, "You DO know what it looks like, right?" At this exact moment my brain put 2 and 2 together and I suddenly realized I had fucked up. At first I rationalized maybe it was just him, but it turns out his OTHER sister saw it and assumed it was a symbol of emoji finger sex. I can only imagine the amount of people who must have seen my post and thought I was being an immature douchebag. Maybe it's why I lost a few friends on Facebook not too long ago.
TL;DR: | I post an emoji version of some album artwork on Facebook, weeks later my friend helps me realize it obviously looks inappropriate, embarrassment ensues knowing a bunch of people saw it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 F] with my Boyfriend [18 M] 2 years, chooses video games over me
POST: We're in a long distance relationship and we're both into gaming so we play video games a lot but there are times I just want to talk to him and be close. Lately these times have become less and less frequent and he's kind of getting colder with me because of it. In the morning, instead of saying nice things like "I love you" he just says "hey do this in (whatever video game)" or "lets play (video game)" or something. All he wants to do is play games. Nothing else. that's all he talks about now. I have talked to him about it and he has expressed that he feels like a shitty boyfriend for it and feels bad but he keeps on going back to doing it. I try to see if i can prompt him to want to be close to me again but it doesn't work. I've given in and I just play games with him. I don't always enjoy it but I just force myself at this point.
TL;DR: | All my boyfriend cares about is video games and, despite me talking to him and him feeling remorseful, he goes back to only caring about video games. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 F] with a new friend [25 M], confused whether he is taken or not.
POST: Hey everyone! So I've recently made a new friend through a sports club. After a meetup, we hung out a bit one-on-one and played a few games of our own. Afterwards, we found out that we work relatively close to one another. He suggested that we should go out to a nice Italian restaurant sometime soon, which made me think that he could be interested in me. During this time, he made no mention of a significant other. However, I did the obligatory facebook stalk, and now I feel as though he has a girlfriend? He doesn't have a relationship status, but a girl tagged him in a picture of some flowers and captioned it as "Valentine's Day!".
Also, in the event that he is interested, I'm not sure if I reciprocate that sentiment quite yet. Should I straight-up ask if he has a girlfriend? Or whether the dinner'll be totally platonic? If he isn't interested in me that way at all, I don't want to make it awkward by presuming that he is.
In general, I'm pretty inexperienced in relationships, so I'm not too sure what to make of this. Am I reading too much into this? Should I just go to dinner and go with the flow? Please help me, guys.
TL;DR: | I met a guy who wants to have dinner with me, and I can't tell whether he wants it to be platonic or not. Help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] with my potential girlfriend [19 F] 1 years, I don't I like her general personailty but kind of worried I maybe making a mistake. I could use some prespective.
POST: I have been going out with this girl in college for over a year now. We got along quite well and recently I was thinking of taking it to the next level and making it official. But a few things began to worry me and now I have doubts.
She is a very intelligent woman, sweet and very feminine. Which is where the problem is. She is too feminine. She loves wearing heels, dresses and a lot of make up all the time. She doesn't leave the house without make-up. She has a perpetual fear of insects, forests and nature in general. She is fashionable and chic. A full on city slicker. But we share common beliefs and politics. We believe in equality and justice and we can spend hours talking about those things. But she is so feminine.
A little background of myself. I grew up in a very unconventional family. My extended family, valued three things in people - intelligence,strength and atheleticism. I love these values though I fail a lot at the atheleticism part. Most of my female relatives are, well, tomboys. They have their own businesses, blue collar job, etc. Many are atheletes and outdoorsy, 2 cousins just ran a marathon and the rest are all sports fans and atheletes themselves at amateur levels. My mom was a national athelete. I kind of found them as amazing individuals and would love to have similar qualities in a girlfriend in the future.
This current girl is nothing like that. She is unatheletic, hates the outdoors and generally is very feminine. That is not to say she is clingy or dependent but she can take care of herself and wants to get a job and live independently. But I don't think I can live with only that. But I might be making a mistake.
Thus I could really use other peoples prespective on this.
TL;DR: | The girl I like and who likes me back is in my opinion too feminine, which is giving me doubts. But I am uncertain and thus I would like to listen to what other people say. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23M] want to break up with my LDR [20F] of one year for no particular reason...how to handle it?
POST: I've been dating this girl for 2 years long distance. We met on holiday and so we have always been long distance. I have no idea why but I really want to get out of this relationship. She is wonderful for me and in many ways my perfect girl but I just really don't feel it anymore. It feels like a hassle to have to go and visit her and I am often quite happy when its over that I have my time and space back.
There's nothing she does to annoy me and she's smart, funny, gorgeous, but I just feel claustrophobic having to go and spend a week with her every now and then when I have so many other things I'd love to be doing with my time (have a few DIY projects, I'm coding a video game etc) and I don't have much free time...it just feels like time I spend with her I'd rather spend doing all these other things that really give me a creative buzz.
I'm feeling really horrible and guilty about it because there's nothing actually wrong with the relationship and she is madly head over heels in love with me. She also moved city six months ago and is still settling in, hasn't got a really solid group of friends yet.
What do I do? I feel terrible dumping her completely out of the blue for no reason...would be a real shock to her. But I don't want to hint at her I'm not happy and drag it down to a point where she can see it coming. Plus its long distance and...it feels scummy to do it over Skype but it also feels scummy to arrange a meeting in person where she's expecting us to spend a week together and drop the bomb. But it feels even worse to hint that I'm only meeting to break up and then she has to deal with the dread until we actually do meet.
TL;DR: | Want to break up with my LDR out of the blue, how do you break up when everything is seemingly going fine and not wanting to hurt the girl? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [F/25] have lied to my son [M/*] about who his father is.
POST: I've been at this for two hours now. I don't know what to say and what to leave out. I got pregnant as a teen by a man who didn't want to parent. I moved on, moved, married, had kids. My son was raised by my now husband. How do we bring this up? What age is appropriate? When my son was so small this didn't seem like such an enormous lie. And now when I see my young man I'm so troubled. My husband was adopted, and feels strongly that your parent is the one who raised you not who made you. And that when the time comes, we will tell him and give him the resources to reach out if he chooses. At first I had thought maybe I'd never tell him. What if he was mad at me? What would I say? The truth is that his bio dad was an addict who abused me, broke into my home, threatened to kill me and never wanted anything to do with him. I didn't want my sweet boy to ever know or think that's where he came from.
I was recently contacted by my ex. He wanted forgiveness for the abuse I endured. He said he had been carrying around shame and guilt that was holding him back and needed to apologize.
This brought all my unresolved questions flooding back. How do you unearth a lie like this without burying yourself? I know for so many people issues surrounding there biological parents forever echo in there lives.
We are a happy family. How do I not ruin it? My past is haunting me.
TL;DR: | Teenage mom, picked up and left abusive life for a fresh start. My son was lead to believe the man who raised him is his father. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Should you eventually ask someone you're dating about their past relationships?
POST: I usually operate with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about the past when dating someone and it's starting to get serious. If they ask me explicitly, I don't mind talking about it, but I won't be the one to bring it up. Not that I have anything to hide, I've just always thought that the past is past, it's not relevant today, and if anything talking about ex-lovers would only bring up possible jealous feelings or other non-useful or negative emotions.
However, lately I've been feeling like maybe if you want to be with someone long term, you should know something about their past because it COULD be relevant in the present. E.g. they dated someone for 3 years and just broke up a month ago (maybe I am a rebound??), or their last relationship ended because they were cheated on (maybe they have trust issues?).
I'm sure I can do without intimate sexual history but do you guys think the dating/relationship side is worth discussing... or best left in the past?
TL;DR: | Should you eventually ask someone you're dating anything about their prior relationships or just leave all of the past in the past? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: I can't seem to move on.
POST: It all began many moons ago. Way back in November, around the time skyrim came out. I was texting this girl, whom I eventaully asked out. She kindly accepted and one week until the date. She said she couldn't go that day, we rescheduled. Then again, she couldn't go. The 3rd time, she told me "she doesn't think we should go on that date or date at all." This was right near Christmas. She started dating another guy 2 days later, who she broke up with after 2 days. So, I held my feelings in for about until June. I started texting her again, and I can honestly say, I still think of her the same way and in no way am I mad. I was even more sweet this time, than previously. I wrote multiple poems and always made sure she felt liked. I didn't smother her or anything, just a good morning text and sometimes good night texts, but they were elaborate, and very heart felt. I asked her out again, and we had to reschedule the date, not just cause her but me too. The second go around came, I was losing hope. She had to reschedule again. After I returned from a week long trip at Missouri Boys State, my cousin and I went to eat, and she was working. I asked her if she wanted to hang afterwards. She said she couldn't, and I was not taking excuses this time. After multiple attempts of dating and hanging out, nothing ever happened except a broken heart and wasted time.
I really like this girl, I imagine the future with other women and just can't seem to envision myself with anyone else. Not like get married but as just being a couple. Every time I hear a love song, she's the one I think of. I can't help it, I tried for the longest time to talk to other girls, but I don't feel anything for them. Not like I do her. I want to stop liking her, she just wont get out of my head. And the worse part is, I liked her so much, I base all my other feelings on that one. Just because, if I ever feel for anyone that strong again, I will never give up. I will but...It won't be as easy.
TL;DR: | Asked her out, said yes then changed her mind. Held feelings in for 6 months, tried again. Same thing. Still like her. A lot. (didn't use quotations, probably would have made it an easier read.) |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Failed my in-home breathalyzer twice while on probation for 2nd dwi.
POST: I received a 2nd dwi in Harris county (Houston). First dwi was 6 years ago. I am on probation for 18 months. I am ordered not to drink or do drugs for the duration of my probation. I go to my probation officer twice a month, take random UAs, and have in in-home breathalyzer I have to blow into 3 times a day. I messed up 2 months into it and failed the breathalyzer. My PO said it had to be reported to the court, but what will most likely happen is I will be reprimanded by my PO's supervisors and do not have to appear before the judge. That hasn't happened yet. I am a waiter and as part of training did a wine/food pairing for work yesterday in which I spit out every drop of wine. This was at 5 pm. When I had to blow into my breathalyzer at midnight it gave me another "test failed". I realize my folly in all of this and I'm not trying to ask for ways around anything, I would just like to know what will probably happen to me.
TL;DR: | failed in-home breathalyzer twice in one month 2 months in to my 18 month probation for 2nd dwi. What is the likelihood of me going to jail or having to get an ankle monitor or extending my probation? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by expanding my two year old daughter's vocabulary
POST: This happened the day before yesterday.
I decided to take my two year old daughter, Ella, to IKEA. She has an intense love of this store, which I attribute to the IKEA catalog she has claimed and keeps in her room.
Anyways, we arrive at IKEA and I place her in the child seat of one of the little carts that you can hook a bag on. Well, she points her little finger to the little white flag attached to the cart, and says, "What dat, mama?" I respond, "Well, honey, that's a flag! What color is it?"
Her response? "A white fuck, mama!" *facepalm* I got so many awesome looks from my fellow shoppers.
TL;DR: | Took my daughter to IKEA and taught her what a flag was. She repeated me and changed flag to fuck. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Supported her for 3 years, now she's got it together I'm a safety net :D
POST: Funny thing is I've tried to break up with her about 2-3 times before due to the fact that she couldn't get it together enough to find a job or at least help out around the house while I paid all the bills. I'm not saying she needs to live in the kitchen, but you know, relationship teamwork type stuff would have been nice.
Now I can feel this relationship coming to a close. Basically after 3-4 years of hand holding emotional and financial support, gaining weight and essentially being depressed at her core, she's finally got a decent job, lost 40 lbs, and has new friends. Bonus: a lot of them newly single guys giving her lots of attention. She of course naively believes they have no interest in her, but as a heterosexual male, I argue otherwise. Now she spends as much time away from me as possible, in fact out drinking with "the boys" tonight. When she does come home, it's straight to bed.
So I'm just preparing now for the big talk about how she needs to move on, as our relationship isn't going anywhere. While it's not easy emotionally, I've already been through the whole devastating heartbreak thing before, so the thought of being alone isn't that bad. That said, where I'm at sucks. I honestly didn't think she'd treat me like a doormat. I suppose I need to grow some balls for the future :p
Anyone else have the same kind of story?
TL;DR: | I supported her financially and emotionally while she was unemployed, fat and miserable, and now she's got a great new job, new guy friends and has dropped 40 lbs and is basically spending all her time with people other than me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19M] cant make my girlfriend [20F] get out of depression. I feel like I'm not meant to be in a relationship.
POST: We have bewn together for 11 months now, and this is my 2nd relationship ever. We are pretty happy together, but when the going gets tough, I always fail her. We are currently taking a full semester of college classes together with Physics, Chem, and Math being the only class I'm taking extra. She didn't learn much from her previous physics class, so she's having a lot of trouble with it as it is with new material thrown at her. I want to be able to help her, which is why I wanted to take classes together. She feels like this is the worst decision in her academic career. She dropped math because of her low grade and because she couldn't understand the teacher. I'm trying to help her as much as I can, but it's just not enough. She goes into depression almost every other day because she is so scared of failing the class and can't work in those conditions. She needs to have everything be happy and perfect in order to get to work. Not only that, but we have class in the morning at 8 and had these episodes late at night. She wants me to cheer her up.
This is where my problem comes in...
I don't know how to cheer people up... I just feel like I'm so heartless, and I want to help her out, but I personally feel as if this is a waste of my time in which we can get a lot of work done. It's so time consuming that I end up going to sleep at 3am everyday right before our 8am classes.
On top of this stress, I have to take care of my job that I also have as well as do house duties for the family. This stress is really getting to me, but I don't think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
We've been fighting a lot since this semester has started and I don't know what to do or how to fix anything. I'm just so lost when it comes to relationships that I don't know what to do.
If anyone can give me some advice, or anything, if more information is needed, please, just help me out here...
TL;DR: | I'm super stressed in this relationship and I keep messing up, but I want to keep it. Which sucks because I consider myself a horrible human being with no emotion at times. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do you tell your friend[Early 20's F] that her boyfriend isn't right for her
POST: I'm a male and I have absolutely no interest in my female friend at all. I'm also in a happy 3 year relationship.
But how can i safely, without setting off red flags, tell my close female friend, that her boyfriend is not right for her. They've been together now for almost a year.
Why do i say that he's not right for her? He is very shallow, he makes inappropriate jokes, and although he is very smart, he lacks common sense a lot of the time. Obviously he's not always bad, but I feel she deserves so much better than what he has to offer, and I've been scared to say anything to her about it at all.
She on the other hand went through a bad breakup, and she is very intelligent, and one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. So it would be easy for her to find another guy, and most would probably fling themselves at her.
She uses reddit so i'm kinda scared :D, but i doubt she'll find me in the crowd.
Should i tell her? Again up til now I've been silent. But I worry about her future. I thought by now they would have broken up.
TL;DR: | I have a female friend that I feel deserves a better Boyfriend. How do i tell her without seeming like I like her as more than a friend? Should i even discuss it? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Should I just forget about her?
POST: I met a girl at a NYE party (she's friends of friends but I'd never met her before that) and we got on super well. I rarely meet girls like her and I was quite smitten and I was fairly sure she liked me too but here's the problem: 2 of my good friends are both really into her too and I didn't want to do anything since I knew they liked her. She's also studying abroad in the US for a few years so I probably won't see her again for a good while (home for holidays etc). I guess I should just let it go but I'm curious to see what others think - as I said, I don't often meet girls like her.
TL;DR: | Met girl at party, mutual attraction but I did nothing because friends are into her, did I do the right thing? She also studies in USA (We're both from UK). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm [21m] a month into a Masters degree. Every day I'm losing confidence with my ability to complete it.
POST: About 4-5 weeks ago I graduated from university with a good grade and got a place at a highly-respected London uni to do a one-year Masters course. Besides the financial costs I was hopeful that I would be able to perform to their expectations.
Recently however, I'm losing more and more confidence in myself every lecture I go to. I had one today which, quite frankly, went completely over my head; I felt as if I had learned nothing and came out feeling worse with myself than before I had gone in. Everyone else seems to have something to contribute to the topic at hand, something to discuss or points to add, yet I'm struggling to even comprehend the first few buzzwords that are thrown around ten-at-a-time.
I don't want to quit, I would hate myself for doing so, yet I'm terrified that between this and two jobs, I'm going to have a meltdown sooner or later. Is there anyone who is/has been in such a scenario who can offer advice?
Thanks
TL;DR: | Losing confidence in myself to complete a Masters course, the stress of that and two jobs is building up and I feel like I'm going to have a meltdown/breakdown soon if I can't stop it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Have a great, long-term GF (20) but feelings for others are starting to creep in. What to do?
POST: My girlfriend and I -- male, 20 -- have been together for 2 1/2 years and it has treated us both well. She is caring, supportive, good-looking and an overall great partner.
I still have strong feelings for her, but there is another woman -- 21-- who has caught my attention. She is also driven, funny and very attractive and I often think about creating something with her. Not necessarily a committed relationship right away, but I've thought about taking steps towards it.
Back to my current GF...we have discussed marriage and living together, though logistics may get in the way. If she is "the one," I would feel terrible leaving her and not finding anybody who can make me as happy as she does.
My apologies if I am unclear, but I am very torn here. Advice is welcome!
TL;DR: | Already have a great gf, but another woman is making my emotions flare. Want to make the right decision for the long-term. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [30 M/F] dislike my brothers girlfriend [32 M/F] because she coincidentally has the exact same first and last name as my ex-girlfriend
POST: I'm calling her Carol.
No, they are not the same person, they literally just have the exact same name. They're from different states, have different jobs, different interests, the only real similarity is the name and cultural background. It's a ridiculous situation and I have no great reason to dislike her, though I find her a bit boring.
However, every time I hear about my brother and his girlfriend, I can't help but think about my ex who is now married and has a family. My mom brought up soliciting donations from my Carol's parent for holiday donations for her good cause, and my mind immediately went to, I don't know if Carol's parents live in the same house as they did when I was dating her. Only after I opened my mouth did I realize I had supremely embarrassed myself.
My ex and I have been apart for 4 years, my brother started dating this girl 2 years ago. At first it was ironic, then the more I saw her and the more she was in my life, the more difficult it is to just forget my own past and get over it. I feel like I'm constantly reminded because of her.
TL;DR: | I dislike my brothers girlfriend because she has the same exact name as my ex, and that's really my only reason. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My SO [28M] and I [26F] got engaged yesterday and now people won't stop talking about how tasteless it was due to the 9/11 tragedy
POST: My SO and I have been together for 8.5 years. While we knew we wanted to end up together, we held off until we were more settled and financially stable. Now my birthday is on Wednesday and we had a getaway planned for the last two months. We left Saturday and came back today. Lucky for me, he proposed! I was so elated, though I kind of knew it was coming.
The thing is, it happened on 9/11 and I work for Fire/EMS as a dispatcher as well as my father that works in the streets for the same department. Last weekend was one of the few weekend we could get away due to both of our jobs and it just so happened to be the weekend we celebrated my birthday, so it made sense he'd choose that time.
Everyone is saying we are "un-American" especially since he's originally from Peru and I'm mixed Filipino/White (I look more Hispanic than anything else). They keep saying we never mourned and spent our day celebrating. Of course we celebrated, we were at a popular couples getaway city with all the other vacationers and I just got engaged. Some people are saying its tasteless and rude. Luckily my and his close family members and friends are ecstatic and never had one hint of negativity. People are saying we could have waited another day or he should have waited until midnight. Firstly, we'd be driving back the next day and couldn't really bask in our happiness. Secondly, seriously they think the time on the clock makes a difference?!
I mean, what about people who are born on 9/11 or had prior anniversaries? It's a tragic thing and I obviously have a ton of sympathy due to my father and my occupation, but I could pick just about any day and find a tragedy on that day. It's not like it's our wedding anniversary or something. On top of that, it just made sense considering all the factors involved.
So how do I react? I mean is it really that tasteless? Should I cut those people out without a word, or should I defend myself? Should I apologize? I'm so lost.
TL;DR: | I got engaged on 9/11 while celebrating my birthday and on a rare vacation with my SO. Everyone says we are inconsiderate or tasteless. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18 M] with my 17 [M] brother, Has stolen my essays from a course, and is using them as his own
POST: Mandatory "this is my throw away" and idk if he uses reddit.
Hey guys, so Im a little pissed at the moment. I took an AP class last year, did pretty well. This year, my brother is in the same class. I just realized this today. I saw some papers on the floor in his room, and I happened to see an essay title that was pretty unique and I said to myself "Wait, I think I had an essay with a super similar title!". Sure enough, I went to my laptop to try to find the essay document, and I did. He copied the entire essay word for word, and didnt change anything. He didnt tell me he was doing this, nor asked for permissions. Frankly, i dont even know how he got it.
Anyway, what should I do? I know the teacher pretty well. Should I say anything to my parents? And what should I say to him? Should I even say anything to the teacher? Pretty disgusted to be honest. Or should I Just let it run its course and do nothing
TL;DR: | Brother cheated and has stolen at least one essay that I wrote without me knowing. Should I do anything about it? |
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