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SUBREDDIT: r/weddingplanning
TITLE: Is a handmade gift inappropriate? Help!
POST: The gift is not for the happy couple, it's for the mother of the groom.
My best friend is having her wedding at the end of October, and it's a "destination" wedding of sorts. It will be in California, and we both live in different states, one state away each; the grooms parents live there however, and they are hosting the reception at their home. When she initially told me and asked me to be her MOH, she told me that hubby and I could stay with herself and SO at the in-laws place. A month or two down the road I contacted her for accommodation info and she told me that her MIL had made arrangements for hubby and I to stay at a nearby hotel, and had already paid for it! This was completely unexpected and incredibly generous!!
So needless to say, I want to get her a gift to express my gratitude! I told bestie about my plans and mentioned that I was thinking of getting the two of them matching/paired necklaces. I know she treasures the relationship with her MIL as her relationship with her own narcissistic mother is non-existant and thought it would be nice for them to have something like that, and she loved the idea.
So I was browsing etsy for something and in doing so realized I could easily make necklaces myself. I'm very crafty, they wouldn't look cheap at all, they would look just as nice as something handmade by someone else online. So the question is: is it incredibly tacky to hand make a gift for her? It's not about the money, I have no problems at all buying something instead! I just wasn't sure what was more thoughtful and if making something instead of buying it WAS thoughtful, or of it was tacky. I'd really love some advice on what to do here!! Thanks in advance!!
TL;DR: | best friends MIL was incredibly gracious and paid for my accommodations for the wedding. Want to show my thanks with gift; not sure of handmade is thoughtful or tacky in this situation! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I think he isn't over his ex
POST: Ok, I'm [23/f], and I met this guy [25/m] about 2 months ago. We've been hanging out almost everyday. We don't really run out of things to say. I enjoy his company a lot, BUT..... almost every time I've hang out with him he has worked something about his ex into the conversation. They apparently had a very mutual split when she moved. I get the feeling that he hasn't fully moved on from this girl, and I'm kind of just a distraction. I'm not really down with being second to anyone. But just when I feel like I'm second best, he turns the conversation around, and we both forget about that uncomfortable topic. I do think it's hard to not talk about a person who was a major part of your life, and it does take time for it not to be a major topic. I think I just might be over thinking this.
TL;DR: | Should I just tell my head to shut the f up, and just enjoy this new relationship? Or am I just the rebound, and I should I get out before I get hurt? Please help reddit |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Having second thought about engagement. Please help.
POST: I am 26(m) she's 25(f) . Been engaged for a few months.
She has two siblings and lives with her mother. Her mother and her have a toxic relationship and I'm being put in the middle of it sometimes to put out the fires that erupt occasionally. Constant fights with her and her siblings. I really care about her and it pains me to think of ending things but I feel like I've become a caretaker of sorts rather than a lover. I really despise her mother and her siblings are awkward around me and my family. I hate being dragged to their family functions because her mother associates with people that I wouldn't normally interact with.
We've been together for several years and have broken up before for about 5 months. Her mom interacts with somebody that my girl has had a past inappropriate interaction with (before we dated) and it angers me a lot. Her mom doesn't know about that interaction and if she found out it would cause lots of drama.
Recent I cannot stop thinking about possibilities of ending things but it is too much heartache to think of the damage it'll cause her. She's really attached to me and it would devastate her.
I'm still in school with one more year left and got a field placement job in my field. I barely have time to myself or my work as I'm constantly having to deal with my family her family etc...
I don't know what anybody can say to help on this situation to be honest. Just wanted to share and hear if anybody has had a similar experience. Should I talk with my family about this?
TL;DR: | I am having second thoughts about my engagement due to being too much of a caregiver/father figure and her family is messed up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [28f] boyfriend [28m] of 1 year has tourettes/tics and it's affecting my feelings towards him.
POST: First of all, I feel terrible about this. I am fully aware that his tics are not within his control. I am writing here because I want help in being okay with the constant movement and noise that is making me not want to be around him as often anymore.
When we are out, I don't mind his tics at all because I am distracted and it is not quiet enough to hear his tics. However, when we are alone at home chilling or watching a movie, I can't help but become very distracted and annoyed (I'm sorry) with the constant moving.
I moved in with him a couple of months ago, not knowing how severe his tics were. (I knew he had them, but before I moved in I wasn't aware of how frequent they were.) I thought I could live with it but it's starting to really affect me. I am a very calm person and I feel like a total bitch for not being accepting of his tics.
Please help me cope.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend's tourettes is making me not want to be around him. I want t change but don't know how. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I think something is fishy with my boyfriend :S
POST: I'm 21 almost 22, he is 23. We have been in a relationship for approx 6months.
When we were first dating.. I should have (now done like within the 1st month of dating) broken all contact with any hookups (kissing, sex, people who may have liked me) of my past.
Now nothing has resurfaced or I have not made any contact with anyone from the past or any random people I might meet while I'm out at a bar, gig.. etc.
There are two issues: 1) My boyfriend is friends with a girl he once slept with. She texts him every so often, and I have also noticed she "like" pretty much every status on his facebook. I have a weird feeling, she may like him & denies it & keeping it secret.
2)A girl he onced dated, she has feelings for my boyfriend. He wants to remain friends with her, but her feelings are mixed. & he has recently re-added her on facebook.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend has a previous friend (whom he slept with) & girl he previous dated and keeps in contact every so often. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25 M] don't know what to do with my [60 F] mother.
POST: Hey /r/relationships,
I'm having an issue with my mom and I'm not sure how to handle it.
Lately, my mom has been talking about what happens when my father dies. It's gotten to the point where it is the opening line in almost every phone call. "You got engaged? Good, two people to take care of me when I'm alone!", "A promotion at work? Excellent, you'll have money to pay for my retirement home", "You ran a marathon? Glad you're nice and healthy so you can take care of me". It turns out that my step-father lost a lot of money during the 2008 crash, and there won't be much left for her if he dies. He also brings in the majority of the income, and I suspect they are substantially in debt.
There's two aspects to this: the first, and I hate myself for even saying this, but I wish this didn't come up as a topic for discussion. It puts a tremendous amount of stress on me and my wife, and makes any family get together extremely uncomfortable for both of us. However, I feel that I'm a bad son if I tell her that this isn't something that should be coming up at every function.
The other aspect is that my wife and I don't have the means to support her. We're just now starting on the road to financial stability. Again, I hate myself for saying this, but I don't want to tell my wife that we can't have a family because we're going to be spending all of our money to take care of my mom. I also don't want to have to tell my mom that she's going to be living on the street because I won't take care of her.
I don't know how to handle this. It's gotten to the point where it's brought my wife to tears, and I'm to the point of absolute frustration. I feel like if my father dies, I've either got to choose between having a family and a life, or taking care of her for the next 20 years. It's one of those situations where I feel like either way, I come out a horrible person and I'll be forced to hurt someone I love.
TL;DR: | My mother constantly talks about my father dying, and I don't know how to her talking about it, or how to handle it if it actually happens. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A friend [20,f] of mine [23,m] is showing strong interest in me even while her boyfriend is present. What might she feel?
POST: I met a girl about half a year ago and, despite being a little bit shy, since that moment she was very flirty to me. She always says that it's a joy for her to see me, she constantly wants to chat with me and when we meet, she touches me often and obviously enjoys touches from me. These kind of touches I consider being not just friendly, but something more.
But it turned out she has a boyfriend. And when he's near, that girl is hugging him, cuddling with him and so on. But she doesn't stop looking at me! She literally looks at me more often than at his bf, usually with a nice smile. And that confuses me.
I've asked her many times and she say that she's in love and doesn't consider me as a potential boyfriend at all. But she's attracted to me at least. I really don't understand what is in her mind. Have anyone of you been in a similar situation, from a girl's perspective? What can I do, if I'm interested in romantic relationship with her?
TL;DR: | She's cuddling with him but looks at me. When he's not present, we're cuddling like I never did before. She's in love with him. Wait... What? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [22M] love interest and best friend [22F] is losing sleep/happiness over her psycho of an ex.
POST: My close female friend of 6 months (I'd say we're more than friends, she probably would aswell) broke up with her ex about a month ago. He's still hounding her with 50+ missed calls/messages a day and it's really suppressing her personality and making her deeply unhappy.
It's affecting our friendship because she needs so much space (I'm respecting that) that we're barely talking. We had a good talk tonight, said we missed each other, and that we hope all this is over soon, but that doesn't actually fix things.
I'm trying to figure out if I'm actually supposed to help her in any way or if I'm supposed to just let her deal with this. I trust that she won't get back with him because he did some really crazy controlling/manipulative stuff, but it just saddens me that it's affecting her so badly.
How do I help her guys?
TL;DR: | Very close female friend's ex is trying to manipulate her into giving him time to talk to her. It's affecting her really badly which is in turn affecting our friendship. How do I help her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Going freelance to full-time... how much should I ask for?
POST: I'm a freelance web designer/developer. Business has been pretty damn steady for the last year and a half, and I'm starting to branch out into sub-contracting to bring in additional income.
My current situation: a regular client of mine has been pressing pretty hard to hire me as a full-time employee, but he wants me to come up with a number.
Right now, the client is on contract with us for 20 hrs a week at $75/hr. I get 75% of that ($56.25/hr), and my business partner gets 25% for managing the business side of things.
Our rates for non-regular clients range from $100/hr to $125/hr, and we average about $1000/month from that.
I have no idea what to ask for, in terms of a salary (and maybe benefits or revenue share?)
I've been working with him since he started his company, and the company's annual net income is looking to be mid 7-figures by the end of the year, if that helps at all.
Thanks, r/jobs!
TL;DR: | If a freelance client wants to hire you as a full-time employee, how should your employee salary compare to your freelance rate? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I [22M] bring flowers to my ex-gf's [21F] house since she was in the hospital?
POST: To make things simple, we dated for almost 4 years now. We spent almost every day together. We were a very big part of each other's lives.
I was very stubborn with her, and every time we had arguments I had to be right. I was a jerk. She broke up with me 2.5 weeks ago. I apologized for the way I reacted and said I wanted to apologize to her about some stuff (that I'd specify in the talk).
I really do want her back, I haven't made that completely obvious but I don't think shes oblivious to it either. We have sent a couple texts back and forth too.
Two days ago she was in the hospital (I found out online cause she tweeted about it...) because she cut her head on her trunk. She bled a lot but ultimately it wasn't serious at all, she went home that night. I had asked her if it bugged her if I came to the hospital, she said there was no point in me coming (this is not abnormal even when we were dating though).
We never had the chance to have our talk I wanted to, and I am leaving town for a bit now. She told me we will have it, but she needs more time to think (not sure what about...).
Point is, I want to leave her flowers saying something like "get well soon, love (my name)"
I would have to leave them at the gate at her house though, since shes at work all day, and I have to leave tonight.
Is it creepy to just go to her house and leave them there?
And is it too much to even give flowers, considering the circumstances. I have no expectations by sending them, I just want her to know I still care for her and stuff.
I do hope to one day get back together with her, but I've been working on myself lately too so Im doing alright.
Thank you for the advice! :)
TL;DR: | Should I bring my ex gf flowers to her house since she was in the hospital with a minor injury? Things haven't been great lately.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [28M] have told my girlfriend [29F] that I want to take her last name when we get married, but she does not feel good about the idea.
POST: Nine months ago, my girlfriend proposed to me while we were at a music festival. It was a fantastic moment for the both of us and we have been in bliss ever since. We have been together for six years now and we have reached that point where we want to get married and start a family.
So, I'll start the story that my title says I'll tell. A few days ago, I sat down with my girlfriend in our living room and after we finished watching a show on Netflix. I told her something that has been in my mind for a while, I said to her that I want to take her last name when we get married. At first, she laughed, but not in a mean way, just a more nervous laugh. She said to me that she has never heard of that before, I told her that it has been on my mind for a while. I told her that I don't have any bad blood with my family, I just like her last name and I feel it would make a great family name for us.
She was still unsure about it and said that it does not seem right, but she was glad that I told her about it. The way she talked about it, made me feel a little sad, but I understand why she had such a reaction. It's a pretty uncommon thing to do, but I do think her last name would make a great family name.
The last few days, she has been thinking about it more, but she still can't get her head around it. She says it's not traditional, but she does not want to make me feel bad about proposing the idea. It's something that we seem split on and I think we can get through it, but I think we need a little more help about it. I've told my parents about it and said that if that's what I want then do it! I've not heard from her parents about it, but I think we would both tell them soon.
Any advice?
TL;DR: | I have told my girlfriend that I want to take her last name when we get married, but she is not sure about the idea, any advice? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: In response to "typing your link into the search bar before making a new post...":
POST: Hey guys, so this is the problem I've run into. I ALWAYS check if my link is already posted before I decide to make my own post about it. My friend just shared a "Peter Chao" youtube video with me on the subject of the "TSA pat-downs" (a older but still Reddit topic) and I thought it was hilarious... See for yourself:
Maybe he annoys you, maybe you think he isn't funny, maybe you're an asshole. But do you see the problem when even after I upvoted the original post, it still has -4 points? Maybe it means that there are nine people out of the thousands of potential viewers that found it bad, but none of these people posted any comments stating why...and now this video has no chance of surfacing.
TL;DR: | I want to give [this video] another chance and give those nine redditors who downvoted it without saying a word a big "fuck you." |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I get paid crap but really enjoy my job. What should I do?
POST: I got a degree in biology this past May. My GPA was just below a 3.5 do to a crappy freshman year. I'm pretty damn smart but am a classic procrastinator. I really like science, but I have a hard time figuring out specifically what I want to do in it.
Anyway, when I graduated the recession was crazy bad and I kept hearing on NHPR about how grads were having a hard time finding jobs. I essentially got one job offer that would have made me a good amount of money using my degree but was far away and would have had long hours. I took the second job offer I got.
I work at the library at the University I just graduated from. I've never worked in a library before but I love it most of the time. The culture is awesome, everyone here is so dedicated to getting people the information they need for free. My boss is great, as is my boss's boss, and my boss's boss's boss, etc. The benefits are great (I get free tuition starting this summer, 24 earned time days and 10 paid hollidays, health insurance).
My only real problems with the job are that I get paid crap (under 25,000/year) and that I'm not intellectually challenged. Also, raises here lately have been very small and only like 1% is ever merit based, which is annoying because my evaluations have been stellar so far. I might get a raise over the summer but I'd be surprised if it's more than a 2.5% raise.
What would you do if you were in my situation? Right now I'm planning on taking classes part time and getting a master's, but I have no idea in what yet. It's just so annoying that I make less money than pretty much everyone around me.
*edit
TL;DR: | I'm probably overqualified for my job, make very little money, but really enjoy working here. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Do I [26M] have the right to be upset with my girlfriend [23F] late period, but still drinking
POST: My girlfriend went to Colorado with her friends to surprise her friend who just got engaged. My girlfriend's period is over 2 weeks late now and i told her to take a pregnancy test before she left and drank all weekend, but she said she forgot. Well, now she is in Colorado and has been drinking a lot the past couple days and i am furious.
I didnt want to ruin her vacation so ive kept my anger bottled up until she gets home tonight, but i explained how worried i am and she swears shes not pregnant because "she doesnt feel any different." When she gets home tonight i expect to have a long stern talk with her about how irresponsible her behavior was by "forgetting" to take a pregnancy test and still drinking.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend's period is 2 weeks late and she had a weekend of binge drinking. Do i have the right to be upset with her irresponsible behavior? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by thinking my coworker was talking about bees, not babies.
POST: To start, I work at a Factory Store Doughnut Shop. That means we measure, mix, cut, fry, glaze and decorate doughnuts, and we have a giant machine that is on display while we use it.
Anyways, as I was walking from the machine to the office, my coworker told me that there was a bee that got in the drive-thru window. I seem to be one of the only people there to realize that they won't bother you if you don't bother them. I always catch them in a cup and set them free out the front door, a little away from the store. I told her I'll take care of it in a second, I needed to put something in the office first.
The next thing I hear her say is "No, I would just kill it." So as I'm walking up to the front I start yelling (because she was far away and loud machines, which shows how loud she normally is) that it's people like her that are killing bees for no reason that's helping wipe them out and thus dooming us all.
Her response, "I'm not talking about bees, PrincessWK! I'm talking about babies!" Apparently another employee asked if she had children or if she will.
I was absolutely speechless for about five seconds before I burst into laughter. Definitely not what I expected. It was then I noticed the customer in the lobby, an elderly woman, who was also laughing. I assume at us because my coworker was about 7 feet away from her. She went and helped the customer and seemed completely unfazed by it.
TL;DR: | I made my coworker yell about how she is extremely pro-chioce across the store and in front of a customer. I seemed more embarrassed than she was. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: How can I help my dog develop healthy eating habits?
POST: A little background: I adopted Oliver from the local shelter on September 18th. He is a Shiba Inu mix. Originally, the shelter staff thought he was around two years old, but the vet thinks he may be a little older than that.
When I brought Oliver home, he had a mild upper respiratory infection and just finished his antibiotics on Sunday. He also wasn't eating much. The vet didn't seem overly concerned and suggested I try mixing his dry food with a little bit of wet food to make it more appetizing for him. After two days of that, I finally got him to eat. After that, he didn't have any trouble for the next week and ate normally. I chalked it up to the stress of a new home and being sick.
As of Sunday, he has gone back to not eating. Since he is no longer sick, I haven't been so concerned about it and figured he'd get hungry enough eventually. Today, he still hadn't touched his food and even started snubbing his treats. I sat on the floor with him and offered him a piece of food, which he took. He wouldn't eat from his bowl, but seemed delighted to eat from my hand or from the floor. As soon as I stopped, he lost interest in his food.
Obviously, I don't want to encourage my dog to only eat from my hand. I'm kind of at a loss with what to do for him. I've had dogs before, but never one that didn't love food. He doesn't appear to be losing weight and still has energy to run around and play, but I feel guilty not making an effort to get him to eat.
Should I not be so concerned and go back to the mindset that he'll eat when he gets hungry enough? Or does this sound serious enough to require veterinary intervention? My coworker suggested that maybe he was fed from the table or only fed people food previously in life, because he does beg when I'm cooking or eating dinner. I don't oblige, since I don't want him to think that is what he gets to eat.
Any advice would be much appreciated. I love this dog and want him to be happy and healthy.
TL;DR: | My dogs has reverted to snubbing his food and seems to only want to eat from my hand. I'd like him to become more independent and eat on his own. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [20/f] can't get over ex [22/m]
POST: We were together just under a year when we broke up last May. The relationship had been great, we never fought and there were no signs of trouble (that I was aware of at least). The break up caught me by surprise, and his reasons were that he was afraid of what his future would hold after college graduation (last month), and that he had never meant to fall in love with me. It hurt like hell but we ended amicably.
However, we work together...and so I haven't been able to get *any* space from him since we broke up. Even if I manage to avoid having to physically see him, I can't avoid having to listen to everyone talk about how wonderful he is (he's very personable, and a favorite at work). He was supposed to leave in December after he graduated, but was hired (temporarily) as my boss ("real" boss is on paternity leave).
I'm seriously losing it. I've been trying to stay busy and am seeing a therapist but it isn't really helping. This guy was my first *everything* and it kills me to see how perfectly his life is going while mine is falling apart. I can't tell if I'm still in love with him or if I just need to get some space.
I went on a date with a guy the other night, he's very nice but I honestly don't feel anything for him, but at the same time maybe it will help me get over my ex?
Any advice much appreciated.
TL;DR: | I haven't been able to get any space from my ex after he dumped me 8 months ago and I don't know if I should confront him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU my boyfriend's favorite soup
POST: So the FU itself happened a few weeks ago, but we only found out that there even was a FU about two hours ago.
Over the holidays my boyfriend caught a nasty case of the flu, so he had to stay home while I left to visit my family for a few days. Being the caring girlfriend that I am, I went out and bought him a bunch of cans of his favorite chicken noodle soup and left it on the counter for him with some other gentle foods so he wouldn't have to bother digging around for it. By the time I got back, boyfriend's flu (and most of the soup) was gone, and all seemed to be well.
At least until today.
Boyfriend decided he was going to have some more soup for dinner tonight. When he opened the can he immediately grimaced and started gagging. I asked if he thought it had gone bad (odd for canned soup, I thought), and came over to smell it for myself. Just normal noodle smell, as far as I could tell. He decided to heat it up anyway, even though he claimed that the apparently nasty smell persisted. He was hesitant to try eating it, so I took a test bite first since the smell hadn't bothered me. The crackers he put in were a bit stale, but other than that it seemed to taste normal. He took a spoonful and didn't even try to chew before walking to the sink to spit it out. Then the horror dawned on him.
Have you ever eaten a specific food when you're sick, only to find that the smell and taste instantly make you nauseous from that point on? This had never happened to my boyfriend before, but I'd described the phenomenon to him after experiencing it many times myself. He was heartbroken when he realized this is most likely what happened. Let me be clear- this guy absolutely *loves* chicken noodle soup, and hardly eats any other kind of soup at all. And now it's completely inedible to him.
TL;DR: | Tried taking care of my boyfriend with his favorite soup when he was sick, now he can probably never eat or smell it again without wanting to throw up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (21/M) want to get back with my crush (22/f)
POST: There was this international student at my college that I was "talking" to and we were hanging out alot. We went on a couple dates and she said she liked me but wanted to take it slow. She was an innocent girl so I didn't mind.
However during the course of the relationship I acted needy and desperate, always needing affirmation that she liked me. Then she finally had a heart to heart and I felt completely satisfied and no longer needy for affirmation.
However, one weekend she went to a party and a guy kissed her/ she kissed a guy (details were very vague as to what happened). At first I told her it didn't matter because she liked me and not him so she shouldn't feel guilty. But then I brought it back up and needed affirmation in which she said "I give up and you don't trust me so this is over". She texted a few days later and said she just wanted to be friends and there was nothing there anymore.
I still haven't contacted her but I want to go back to the way it was before. I realize my mistakes and don't want to be needy anymore but I also really like her still and want her back. Is there a way I can talk to her without her getting annoyed and pushing her further away???
TL;DR: | I was needy in relationship, she ended it because of that. I want her bacj but don't want to seem desperate and have her be pushed away more |
SUBREDDIT: r/college
TITLE: How dumb of me is it to choose social life over academic quality when choosing a college?
POST: I'm a high school senior, and I've narrowed down my college choices to UCLA, USC (SoCal, not South Carolina), and Georgia Tech. I want an urban surrounding and a school spirit that goes wild for its athletic teams. Which left me with those choices.
I'm a soon-to-be civil engineering major. So obviously Georgia Tech trumps all other schools in terms of the best engineering education and resources. But I lived in GA and left for two years for my junior and senior year and I never looked back and I would rather not return.
I'd rather go to USC, to be honest, because I loved the campus vibe and I felt like it was more diverse and less hxc engineer/frat. I also heard horror stories of UCLA's racism which makes me uncomfortable as a racial minority.
I do have intentions of pursuing graduate school or professional school after undergrad.
TL;DR: | I wanna go to a party school in SoCal but I'm scared that it might be really dumb of me to choose a school based on its social aspects even though another school is far superior in academics. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [21/m] am in a relationship with [21/f] and love her, but have arranged to cheat
POST: I have been in a relationship with my gf for over a year now, and all has been wonderful. It's the first relationship for the both of us, and we have fallen pretty hard for each other. We talk about the future all the time, our sex life is pretty great, etc etc.
So, I have no idea why really, but I have always had a desire to have sex with other females. Maybe it's my overactive sex drive, the amount of porn I watch, I don't know. I have absolutely NO desire to leave my girlfriend. I love her. I just get reallllllly turned on by the idea of having sex with another woman. My gf and I have even talked a few times over the course of our relationship about the idea of swinging, both of us not really being opposed but she hasn't shown any real desire for it either.
Anyway, long story short, I have been emailing this female for a few days (via a craigslist ad) and we've exchanged pictures. Talked about having sex, everything. If we decide to go through with it, the day of reckoning will be in a few days. I have cold feet. I love my girlfriend. But the thought of sex with this other woman is so unbearably exciting that I still am talking to this other woman.
Have I already gone too far? In other words, I am already going behind my gf's back, so have I already fucked things up beyond repair? Personally, I **don't** think cheating is a complete gamechanger and is **not** grounds for immediate break up (I would NOT break up with my gf if I found out she had sex with another man, if I believed she LOVED him it'd be different... I realize this is a difficult line to draw sometimes though), but I still feel like I will encounter guilt because the way society views this issue. Help?
TL;DR: | In a relationship with a girl I love very much for over a year. Have made arrangements to cheat that can be completely avoided if I choose to do so. Not sure if my actions so far are already extremely damaging to the relationship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I[22F] found websites my boyfriend[25M] is using my pictures to get naked pictures of other girls, I have no where to go, what do I do?
POST: Hey everyone, thanks in advance for the advice.
Here's a little history, I've been dating him for 2 years now. I moved from the west coast to the east coast with him so he could be closer to his son and family and in the process losing the closeness of my family and friends. I am not saying he didn't give up anything when we moved, but I had a great job and tons of friends that I gave up to be with him.
Anyways, a few months ago I was using his phone because I couldn't find mine when a text from and number that wasn't saved in his phone came through. I was about to tell him about it when I read the last text he had sent her he was asking if she had a boyfriend still and if she wanted one. I went back further he's asked her for naked pictures, videos, etc. I was naturally upset even if he didn't physically do anything this is a line that we both do not cross. I confronted him about it and instead of telling me why he got mad at me and said that I shouldn't be snooping. In that aspect he's right, but he goes through my phone all the time and I don't care I have nothing to hide from him, I was cheated on before and I can't stand people who do.
Fast forward to today, his phone was going off this morning and would not stop, he just kept sleeping through it, so I picked it up he's got multiple girls who have sent him naked pictures and videos. He's been using my photos to get them to send them! I'm stuck here I make less than I did and I have an older car that I don't think would make it all the way back to the other side of the country. I'm at a loss I don't know what to do, if I confront him about it he just tries to turn everything on me. I want to end it but I have no where else to go. I could really use an outside perspective here. Thanks again everyone.
TL;DR: | ! I[22F] found websites my boyfriend[25M] is using my pictures to get naked pictures of other girls, I have no where to go, what do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: No horrible relationship question. Just a general question about... "love"
POST: Been dating a guy for 2.5 years, we both our in our mid 20s & im the girlfriend.
Ive never said I love you, wither it be to friends, faimly, or to any guy. I dont even say it in jest too much. No Ive never had a tramatic childhood past, yes Ive been molested and raped numerous times but somehow those things dont bother me as much as it should and im well over all that. So I dont have man issues or father issues.
Weve talked about this benfore and hes fine with me taking my time getting up to that point, or saying it. I know when his eyes twinkle and how he looks at me that hes been in the stage of "I love you" towards me.
I dont buy the fairy tale bullshit ideal of "love" and know the realistic idea of love, that also comes with the "Im head over heels over you" stuff.
Is something wrong with me? We both are heads over heels nuts for each other equally & im more then sure he'll be the one that I say those words to, easy hands down no brainer I KNOW.
Is this strange? Why am I like this? Anyone else like this?
TL;DR: | Never said "love" to anyone, raped/molested numerous times but over it, in a great relationship, wondering if never saying I love you is normal I guess. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Im [16/m] and she's [17/f]. I need some advice. How do I get her to break it off?
POST: It all started when I was dating this other girl in my class. For some very good reasons she broke up with me. I felt hurt and very insecure. And after a couple of days i started talking to this girl. It felt like someone could understand me, and eventually we started talking a lot.I started liking her. We completely opened up to each other or at least I thought that. One day she came up to me and told me that she "loved" me and i told her that i liked her as well. Everything was going fine until she started threatening me that if I broke up with her she would have her brother and some of her other friends will come and hurt me and she was looked serious. It almost looked like she was crazy.
Today we touch our 5 month mark. And now when i look back upon my decisions it almost feels like I started liking her only because she was in the right place at the right time. Now whenever i am with her I am scared of being myself. I put on a persona where i am everything she wants in a good boyfriend. I do not like her anymore. I am scared. How to make her break up with me? cause I'm scared that ill get beaten up.
TL;DR: | got together, she forces me to still go out with her and threatens me that she will get other people to hurt me. How to make her break up with me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My wife [25F] says she'd give up ANYTHING important to her, if I [25M] didn't think it was good for her, and expects the same from me. How do I make her understand that this isn't healthy? Or, is it?
POST: This is hard to explain...
Last month we were on a walk and she said she didn't want me standing 20 feet from a small cliff because a sign nearby said it could be unsafe.
The other day, she said she didn't want me watching random YouTube videos because I could be exposed to bad content that she'd feel hurt if I watched (like, when I checked out that Mylie Cyrus Wrecking Ball video everyone was talking about...).
TL;DR: | My wife says she'd give up almost anything important to her, if I didn't think it was good for her, and expects the same from me. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Unplanned pregnancy. Abortion. I [22m] want. She [22f] doesn't. Anything I can do to change her mind?
POST: **requirements:**
Me, 22m, FightingI
GF, 22f, Sarah
Together since March 2010 - 2.5 years
Sarah and I have been dating for 2+ years and we are very close and in a happy relationship. My first/only serious relationship. Not hers. She has been on the pill since the beginning of this year. We had a pregnancy that did not go to term pretty early into when we were first dating... we were using withdrawal at the time. Since then we have much more vigilant in preventing pregnancy. No condoms but she was on the pill and supposedly taking it on time.
We found out about the pregnancy on Monday. Since then we have been having huge arguments over what to do. I'm sure this is pretty typical but she wants to keep it, I don't want.
I'm about to start working full time in a few months and I am very excited to move forward with my life. I am not ready for children right now. And realistically not for a while. Sarah has another semester of school that would probably be really screwed up by becoming pregnant. We are not married and no plans to marry (on my end at least). Its not a great situation for a kid. Its very early and the abortion would not be a very stressful procedure if we move quickly. From what I understand its just a round of pills.
I really can't stress how little interest I have in becoming a parent right now. My issue is we are at sort of a stalemate here. I'm not going to force her to do anything, but I would like to convince her to change her mind. I'm just looking for some guidance on how to do that. Or if anyone has any experience with a similar situation. Unfortunately using a throwaway since my GF does occasionally come on reddit and I don't really want this on my main account.
Her reasoning against the abortion has been very vague. Just kind of emotional and not really concrete.
TL;DR: | Girlfriend is pregnant. I would prefer an abortion. She isn't really feeling the same way. Anything I can say or do to get her to see the light? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [F24] burn with revenge for my ex-boyfriend [M24] after years of betrayal and manipulation
POST: My ex-boyfriend [M24] cheated on me [F24] for the 4 years we were together with chatroom sex, strip clubs and prostitutes. In that time we broke up and then got back together after he convinced me he had changed through 6 months of therapy and I fell in love with him all over again. Yes, I made a huge mistake. We were happy for a time, but then he left me for another woman. It has now been 4 months since he left, during which time I have been trying to build myself back up, focusing on work, taking up new hobbies and spending time with friends. I have even been on dates. But every day is a struggle. Upon a momentary weakness and cyber stalking I see him and the other woman are starting to get more serious and it devastated me all over again.
I'm not a fool, I know I just need to get on with my life and I am better off without him, but I can't stop the burn of desire for revenge. Every other minute today I have been stopping myself contacting her in the attempt to break them up. It is all consuming. I know this is wrong and I should be the bigger person, but the feelings are very strong. I also know that I have a very unhealthy infatuation for him when all he gave me was pain. I hate that after everything he has done he is happy and I am still struggling. He manipulated and played me for so long and has completely altered everything that made me who I am.
TL;DR: | I burn with revenge against my ex's new relationship after years of being manipulated and lied to. Help me see sense! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Love Triangle Advice ? I like her, and she likes me, but also likes her ex?
POST: I have been friends with this girl for 2-3 years. We are both roughly the same age. I'm a 19 year old male and she's 17 as of now. And since we met we considered ourselves very close, if not, best friends. She helped me with another girl I liked and I helped her with her recent breakup. We interact very well for our personalities. I'm more shy and introverted while she is more outgoing and loud. For the sake of privacy let's name her Alice.
Now when Alice broke up with her now ex boyfriend, she had been friends with me for a while already. We laugh and tease and call each other names, and I began to like her. That all changed in December of 11 when she hooked up with my longtime best friend (We'll name him Tom). Tom and I go way back when we were just little toddlers and the sudden change like this just completely got me off guard, not to mention both of them live nearly a state away from each other. Naturally, I got a little depressed about it and stopped talking to Alice less to get it off my mind.
Three years have passed, and Alice and I still remained very close friends. Recently, about two months ago, she told me she had developed feelings for me which shocked me completely and it was kinda the last thing I expected to hear. At the time, however, she was still with Tom and I had very mixed feelings. Eventually it got the better of me and we ended up sharing a kiss along the way.
Alice and Tom broke up due to distance, and eventually it was my chance to date Alice. However, Alice, being very mixed, still had feelings for both me and Tom. One day, she'll be going to me and another she'll be going to Tom. It was basically an schedule. She told me that she doesn't like Tom that way but she still insist in talking to him still What should I do? Should I really cut Alice off? even if it means cutting over 3 years of friendship?
TL;DR: | me and Alice become close friends. Feelings begin to develop. Alice hooks up with best friend. Three years later Alice likes me and is conflicted on who to like. what do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Sexted with my [25/M] boyfriend and exchanged explicit photos, woke up feeling disgusted with him and myself [23/F]
POST: So yeah, me and my long-distance boyfriend of about 4 months were both feeling a little bit frisky and started sexting a bit. We got really into it and he sent me a couple or dick pics, which I guess I was fine with, I was really, um, in the mood. I returned with a couple of similarly - natured photos (all of this is on Snapchat, btw), and then he sent me a short video of him masturbating. Ok, whatever.
Woke up this morning and felt totally raw and exposed, and regretted everything that I did last night. We've sexted before, but never gotten so explicit with the pictures. The more I think about his dick and that video, the more I just want to throw up. We haven't even been dating that long, and I can't believe I allowed myself to get roped into it.
Is it normal to feel this way? Should I say something? I've been busy today, so I haven't really talked to him much.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend and I sexted and exchanged explicit photos, woke up feeling disgusted both at myself and with him. Don't know what to do now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by faking I was sick so I didn't gave to go to school.
POST: As 99% of the posts here, this didn't happen today but, 4/5 years ago.
I was chilling in my bed before going to school and I thought to myself "You know what I can't be arsed to go in today". So as always I call my mum so she can call the school that I wont be in. She asked whats wrong and I said that I don't feel to well. Seems okay right? Wrong.
She then tells me that she will be home in 15 min (bare in mind she never done that before). She comes home and tells me that she will call my doctor. I agreed because to see the doctor in UK you need to wait a couple of days. So me being me was smiling and just being happy that I didn't have go into school. My mum calls the doctor and he tells her that the next available visit is today in an hour.
I was so fucked. We go there and I had to piss in a container. The doctor told me that I have a stomach flu and a high temperature (I don't fucking know how). I then had to take antibiotics for the whole week. Thanks mum.
TL;DR: | Tried to skip school,was forced into going to the doctor, had to piss in a container and prescribe with stomach flu. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Friend [18/F] cheated on her SO[18/M] while he was at basic training. She insists that she send him a letter instead of telling him in person.
POST: My friend of a few years just confided in me that she has cheated on her boyfriend (on and off for about two years?) with someone he knows. Currently he has no idea because he's been at basic training for a few months and won't be back until early October. The guy is a good friend of mine so this pisses me off so hard.
--
She has agreed to tell him and is going to break up with him because she 'is really unhappy' and only realized that after she cheated, which is apparently her reason for not just breaking up with him. She is convinced that sending a letter explaining what she did and breaking it off would be the best way to go.
I think this is the **worst idea possible**, since he'd have no say in what happens and would be stuck at basic training for a month with this hanging over him.
I told her to wait until he comes back and tell him then, because she owes it to him and should deal with it herself, not place the burden on him. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore and became really hostile because I wasn't sympathizing with her. Honestly, I didn't want to. There is no excuse for cheating.
Was I wrong in 'siding' with him? Should I have been more sympathetic for my friend?
TL;DR: | Friend cheated on SO while he was at basic training. Wants to send a letter telling him instead of telling him in person. Became angry when I didn't throw a pity party with her for cheating. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [19f] Trying to figure out if he [20] wants to be in a relationship with me
POST: Back in December, I met this guy at a mutual friend's party. We got to talking, got pretty drunk and ended up making out. This went on at every party until the middle of February when we finally slept together. Since then, there hasn't been anything physical between us. We did go to the movies together and he invited me to play board games with his friends. This past Saturday, he had a party at his place and I offered to stay after and help clean up. We got to talking about our past relationships and why they ended as well as a whole bunch of other random topics I don't remember because of all the alcohol. He invited me to stay over the night (which wasn't necessary since I live less than a 5 minute walk away) and I agreed. Nothing happened between us, we just went to sleep.
I really like this guy and I'm hoping you guys can help me out with what he may be thinking. I don't want to interpret things the wrong way and make him feel awkward if I admit to him how I feel.
TL;DR: | Hooked up with a guy I've known for 4 months. We've hung out since then, but nothing physical has happened between us |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: So I'm about to purchase health insurance for the first time. I have a few questions about Obamacare and spousal coverage.
POST: Hey Reddit,
So I recently got a new job, that offers a worthwhile health insurance program in which I plan on enrolling. I am 26, and am no longer covered on my parents plan. I am getting married in a little over a month, and was wondering: Does Obamacare allow my wife (23) to stay on her parents plan until she is 26? I have heard all kinds of answers to this question when asking people I know, but none of them know enough about AHA to give me a straight answer. I would really appreciate any sort of insight that you guys could give me. Internet power: GO!
TL;DR: | I'm 26, buying health insurance through work. Does my 23 year old wife have to be put on my plan, or can she stay on her parents until the age of 26? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [26M] have been with my girlfriend [25F] for just a couple months, but I'm really unsure what I actually feel for her. What kind of questions can I ask myself to better understand what I feel?
POST: Some family friends introduced me to their niece back in September. We went out for coffee and hit it off. She was the first girl I've dated who is pretty nerdy like me. So our coffee date ended up lasting five hours.
Afterwards we went out a couple more times, and I like her, thought she was pretty, and I liked that we had so much in common, but I still wasn felt I wasn't sure about it.
Eventually we just decided to make it official, around the beginning of October. But that feeling of being unsure has never gone away. So I've gone back and forth in my mind about ending it, by when I'm with her I enjoy her company and I like a lot about who she is as a person. How can I figure out where these feelings are coming from and determine if they should be acted upon?
TL;DR: | I might want to break up with my gf but don't know why. How can I figure out why I feel the way I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, help me out with my study habits? I'm one of those kids who breezed through advanced high school courses & is now stuck in college pursuing a difficult major while dealing with ADD & anxiety.
POST: Yep so, I'm getting pretty stuck in college. I'm an ecological Biology major taking the advanced Chemistry series this quarter and Calculus the next. They're pretty tough, and my very poor study habits are leaving me very behind in class. Unfortunately, I also struggle with anxiety & ADD.
In high school I got through with good grades with hardly any work, & once I got to college that changed hardcore. I found myself failing & dropping classes, after some hard work and easy classes I finally got off academic probation. Procrastination is a HUUUUGE issue for me (reddit!). In general I am a smart person, but I learn some things at a slightly slower pace than others. There's also the recurring cycle where I won't go to class because I'm behind, then won't study and will get more behind, etc until I haven't been in a week. It just stresses me out so much that I avoid it.
So, has anyone struggled with something like this before? In any of these categories? If yes, how did you overcome it? ANY help is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
And before anyone tells me to just drop out or switch majors, no fuckin way. I've wanted to be a biologist for as long as I can remember & I'll die trying (or in debt) before I give up.
TL;DR: | I am poopy & fail hard classes. Struggling with ADD, anxiety, & poor study habits. How do I get good grades? |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Need Help! In a Fuzzy Rental situation!!!!
POST: Hello Reddit. I live in the state of Florida. Currently my girlfriend and I live in an RV in her Fathers back yard. We are originally from Ohio, and he offered us the RV rent free to come and live down here and find a place. We have had very little luck finding a place, but in a couple of days (Tuesday) we will be speaking to a realtor and hopefully will be moving into our new home. Anyways, Back to what I need help with. We're about 4 months into being down here, and now he wants $200 a month to live in this RV. Now, naturally I would give him the $200 a month and be on my way, buuuuutttt.... The RV is a giant pile of shit. Nothing in it works... And when I say nothing, I mean literally only the electricity works. He has no reason to charge us $200 a month either, we pay all of our bills that we use!!! He doesn't even own the property, he rents it, and I thought it was illegal to make profit or rent property that you do not own? I told him I would pay $200 a month if he fixed everything that is wrong with it, but his response was "Well, buy a new Toilet (Stove, shower, water heater) and I will fix it."
TL;DR: | I need help to fight against my (father) for the rent I should legally not owe him. Can someone please help me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (25/m/straight) am like 95% sure that a new friend of mine (19/m) is gay and either doesn't know/is in denial, and has a crush on me.
POST: Okay so in brief...
• He has a girlfriend who he started dating relatively recently. They are almost never seen together. When in the same place at the same time, they don't interact a lot. She's told me that he takes things "really slow, a little too slow for her". Hm.
• He's all about that physical contact with me. *Very* huggy. **Very** always getting his arm around me and telling me how awesome we are. Hm. This kid is super stoked on me for whatever reason, but, like, too stoked. I'm not *that* cool.
• He hit me up the other day asking if I wanted to crash at his place and then take mushrooms with him the next morning, and was like really gung-ho on the idea. Not sure how to shoot this guy down, I kinda blew him off. I would have liked to have been honest about it - anything from "Doing psychedelics 1 on 1 with someone is a very intimate thing for me and I don't know you that well yet" to "I think you're gay and you don't know it" would have sufficed, but... awkward, y'know?
• So after that, next time I saw him at a social setting, I walked up to him to explain why I bailed the other day, and the kid stonewalled me. Wouldn't acknowledge that I was there, wouldn't look me in the eye. It was super uncomfortable. I left. What sucks is that we have a LOT of mutual friends who go do stuff together, and now I feel like I've somehow personally offended him. Yeesh.
There's like other bits and pieces not really worth throwing in, but yeah, dude was trying to spend a LOT of time with me before I apparently offended him.
How do I handle this? Idk if I've ever had to deal with a guy who seems to have a *romantic* attraction to me, let alone one who doesn't seem like he's in any position to admit it.
TL;DR: | new friend is probably gay, probably doesn't know it, probably into me, I don't know how to address it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Job offer from "prepackaged" chapter 11?
POST: I recently received a job offer from an international incorporation that is currently in chapter 11, packaged at 90 days.
They've experience hard losses over the last few years, and currently are restructuring the company from bottom to top. With this restructure has developed a new department, creating this job position.
The offer is good, 18% increase of my current earnings with increase of PTO and sick leave...and full benefits (of which my current small company does not offer).
Employee reviews of the company are so mixed I'm left with a unsure feeling... but can't ignore the resume builder, and pay increase. One major detractor is a common review that the company as decreased salaries or not offered merit increases over the last 3 years (no doubt to revenue loss).
I've done all the research I can realistically do...family and friends believe it is the right move, given my current company has little flexibility and is really "bare bones". I can't take a day off without displacing half the company...go to the doctor during business hours, and have to work rotating weekends.
I'm just looking for input on anyone who may have been in a similar situation.
I worry that the restructure may fail and the company may be forced to downsize... leaving new employees in the firing zone.
Any input is helpful and greatly appreciated.
TL;DR: | Company in Prepackaged Chapter 11 offering me a better paying job (by 18%), but is in massive restructure. Worth the risk? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: (19M) biggest crush of my life, not sure she's into me
POST: My story is quite simple, I broke up with my ex about 3 weeks ago, 2 weeks ago I met a girl. She's the biggest crush I've ever had in my life, she's not perfect at all, however Iike her imperfections and I feel ALOT for her already. Added her on Facebook and we talk all the time. She seems interested because we chat a lot, we have a huge amount of stuff in common, we click pretty easily and she admits she likes my company, being around me and chatting with me.
However, I asked her out and she said Yes, if I didn't have any second intentions. She wants to be friends and only friends, I'm not sure how much that is true due to her behaviour - you don't talk to a stranger all day on your birthday for example. Or exchange 1000+ Facebook messages. She keeps shutting me down though, I complimented her eyes and said I missed them and she replies I shouldn't miss her because I saw her yesterday, I can't have those feelings and because no.
I've got other options, I would be a fool to deposit all my interest into something so undefined. I'm not sure if I should keep going and let this crush develop into love because it might just be her shell or she's just not into me
TL;DR: | I really like this girl I met more than even any previous girlfriend. I get mixed signals. Contribute to my happiness by giving me an opinion |
SUBREDDIT: r/Cooking
TITLE: r/ Cooking, help me win Come Dine With Me (flat edition)!
POST: Hi,
I am an average cook and my flat has decided to replicate the 'Come Dine With Me' TV show.
There is four of us in our flat and I have to cook the first week (this Sunday). I have to use three random delegated ingredients - **Sun-dried tomato's**, **Salmon** and **Mozzarella**.
The problem is that some of them *are professional chef's* and I'm not, which is why I need you clever people to help me win and come up with a recipe involving these ingredients that you think has the potential to impress and win.
By the way, the whole thing will be videoed and edited by my film making friends. Thanks!
TL;DR: | Suggest ideas/recipes for the best meal possible so that I can beat my chef flatmates with Sun-dried tomato, Salmon and Mozzarella. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I (21f) have been falling for my best friend (m) but he is 34 years older than me!
POST: All my life I've said that age is just a number. I've known him for a year and a half. We work together, and spend a lot of time with each other. He always makes me laugh and we joke about dating and sleeping together with our other friends, who are mostly my age. I have been getting consistently more frustrated with dating college-age guys, when I have a totally awesome guy around all the time whom I already love dearly as a friend and can't see myself being without. I foresee very few complications between he and I, but I feel concerned about the implications of our unconventional relationship. He is the same age as my biological father, and almost ten years older than my mother.
I recently asked him out on a date, and we had a pretty intense goodbye hug the other night. :) I can tell where things are headed, but I don't want to freak out my family. I'm very NOT concerned about what other people might think because I know my friends will support us and continue to love us, but my love from my family is inconsistent at times. They are very conservative Christians and I upset them pretty easily. I think they will just laugh at me if I tell them I am dating a 55 year old man! I'm also wary of many jokes about "daddy issues" and whatnot, due to me not having contact with my real dad and my mother being married three times.
Is there any advice for me out there?
TL;DR: | I feel like I have found someone that I am connected to on a higher level, but he's 34 years older than me. I just don't want my family to freak out, and have it spoil our fun! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My gf [f19] of 5 years is contemplating breaking up with me [m19] because I want to wait 1-2 more years until our junior or senior year of college to get engaged.
POST: We have talked about it multiple times what my plan for our engagement is. I want to become engaged in our junior or senior year of college and then get married after college once we have financial stability. I want to wait because I really don't see a point in getting engaged while we're 19, one because of how young we are and two because of the financial side of things. She is generally an impatient person and she says that we can be engaged until after college but I know her inpatient mind will catch up to her and she'll want it in college. She says that she either wants it all or nothing. Something to note, her sister recent it had a second miscarriage and she's also had some issues with her brother. This has been very hard on her. She has become very close minded towards anything else but engagement. I think this is affecting her and affect her actions and I don't want to lose her especially after discussing our future lives together and knowing that she is the one. Can someone please help me?
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is contemplating breaking up with me because I don't want to get engaged at 19. She has has some recent family issues that could be affecting her judgement. Please help |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22 M] with my GF [23 F] of six months, First Relationship, spark lost or communication issues?
POST: Okay, hi reddit longtime lurker first time poster so here goes.
A little background info, I'm 22 with almost no dating experience because I'm kinda dense when it comes to picking up signals from women (screw 20/20 hindsight). That said my GF whom we shall call Colbee has apparently started with throwing some signals my way for about a year and a half before I finally picked up on said signals in September so she has some perseverance in that regard.
Things started fine normally when I texted Colbee or when she texted me the answer was always immediate, or as soon as possible if we were busy with calls being treated the same way. Dates are great and it's always a great time and I have to say I really really like this girl.
As we do some time skips to the present, Colbee's response to my texts have gotten less responsive to the point where I have to send about 3-4 to be answered or outright ignored. Dates are still fun and we usually end up having a nice snuggle session the problem with that being whenever we are hanging out at my place or on an actual date anytime she gets a text or call she immediately replies or answers, she even steps out of theaters or worms out of a snuggle to do this.
I guess the question I need/want answered is, is that normal behavior for some couples and I'm just freaking cause I'm experiencing it for the first time? Is this an issue in communication that needs to be hashed out, or if it looks like she has lost interest in me?
TL;DR: | First relationship, good communication turns bad, is it in of need of duct tape or should I find an exact o knife? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [19/M] have been dating this girl [19/F] for 3 years and have known her for 9 years and can't bring myself to leave her.
POST: I know, I have no balls, but I love who I am around her and when we aren't arguing (which happens ALL the time because she has trust issues regarding other women) it is a blast. She is truly my best friend and I can't imagine life without her.
Yet, whenever I look toward the future I can't see myself marrying her. Even now, I feel like when we go on adventures (hikes, dates, etc) I feel like I am wasting my time/money and could be sharing this experience with someone else. I don't know if it is the excitement of getting to know someone that I miss or if I am legitimately just tired of the constant arguing.
I feel like the obvious choice is to just rip off the band-aid so to speak, yet I can't bring myself to do it. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice?
TL;DR: | Not in love anymore with my best friend, can't imagine life without her, but can't deal with the relationship anymore |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [22 M] let my co worker/friend [22 F] know that I like her?
POST: Don't know if this is the right spot or not but here goes. I am absolutely crazy about my co worker, not to sound cliche but I think about her all the time. We go out and have drinks every once in a while, we like a lot of the same things, but I don't know if she likes me or if she knows that I like her. I want to tell her but am too afraid to even give her compliments because if she does know I like her then things could get weird. I mean, she could just say "I don't feel like that about you but we can still be friends" which I would be fine with, because she is awesome and I do like hanging out with her even if it's just as friends, or she could say "Uhhhh. I don't like you....." and she stops hanging out with me.
TL;DR: | Like my Co Worker, don't know how to go about finding out if she likes me or if I should let her know how I feel. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my boyfriend [24M] 18months, whenever I bring up an issue, just apologises and won't talk about it
POST: Apologies are great, and more than some get, I get it. However, I have a reeeeeeally hard time expressing myself so if I'm bringing up an issue, it's a really big deal. I've had some trauma in the past which makes talking about my feelings and wants and needs incredibly difficult for me, and am in therapy to deal with this.
The issue is my partner effectively stonewalls me whenever I do get the guts to bring up a huge issue by saying, "I know, I'm sorry." to whatever I bring up. I feel like I then have to push even harder to get him to talk about it, which is making it more and more difficult, and I pretty much just get variations of that answer.
Obviously, dealing with this problem for me is like another version of any other issue, so I'm not sure how to go about it.
Tonight I finally got the nerve to tell him that I was feeling a bit frustrated because despite my best efforts I feel like he doesn't have much time for me unless he actively wants it. Everything has to be on his terms, you see. All compromises are on my end. I tried to talk to him about it, but got the same old reply.
I just get this incredible sense of dread about having to bring up personal problems, especially if they're things that I feel I shouldn't have to ask for - more time, attention, effort - as I feel that actively asking for them removes the hope that he will do it and not just apologise.
I think that's about it. There are other examples, but this I guess is the least personal one. Afterwards I just go and feel like hell by myself, and then in a week or so the cycle will repeat and I'll have to drag up the courage to ask him for something again.
TL;DR: | Whenever I bring up an issue with him, he just says, "I know, I'm sorry" and then refuses to say anything further for it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I need some legal advice...
POST: So a little while back I was charged with possession of Marijuana in NY (it's decriminalized here). The DA lowered the charge to "Disturbing the peace" and I was to pay a $200 fine (the possession ticket being about $280).
The court date on which this was settled was Feb, 11. I told the judge I'd pay on the 23rd.
Today I got a letter in the mail from the court, it was a receipt of my payment of the $200 fine. It says I payed in full even though I haven't.
My question is: Is this receipt my "get out of jail free" card? Do I still have to pay the fine?
TL;DR: | Had to pay a $200 fine, didn't, but got a receipt of my payment in the mail. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Locker troubles. Am I humaning wrong?
POST: So my locker section is 3x3 me being in the top middle, my friend being in top right, and underclass men being in bottom middle, bottom right and top left. Constantly the top left girl (let's call her Lindsey) has her friends and boy toy (who apparently has been abusing her) are always crowding my locker. About 60% of the time it's her boyfriend leaning on my locker and just right on her ass talking to her. Of course I become a tiny bit upset but don't say anything instead of just saying "Hey guys can I get to my locker?" in a polite way. most of the time they say sorry and I tell them it's fine and it's not passive aggressive at all. Today, she said "Do you have a problem with my friends?" I said "what?" as it was 7:25 and I wasn't really there in my head and she said "You're always just mad or upset and making faces showing your upset." I replied "Ok." and shrugged.
did I do something wrong? It stuck on my mind that maybe I was being a dick but at the same time it's fucking ridiculous how many times our whole locker section is a cesspool due to her friends and boyfriend.
TL;DR: | Girl next to my locker constantly has friends blocking my way and gets mad that I'm getting mad at her friends/boyfriend always being in the way. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Is there a way to turn your check engine light off? (details inside)
POST: My car's check engine will come on for like 3 months and then turn off for a couple weeks. I had my car looked at and my family mechanic told me that a sensor in my car was broken and that's why it does this. I don't remember the details of what he told me or if it was too expensive to fix, but here in Georgia we have to pass an emissions test every year in order to renew our tag. If the check engine light in on, you fail, have to spend money to get whatever fixed, then spend more money on another test. Last year my mechanic managed to get the light to go off for my car to pass an emissions test but it came on about a couple hours later. It was about $150 bucks to get him to do this for me. I was wondering if there is a way to turn off the light...or if anyone knows a solution to this that my mechanic may not be telling me?
TL;DR: | I need to pass an emissions test, but my check engine light is on due to a broken sensor that is too expensive to replace. What is the cheapest way to get around this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20/m] don't know how to feel about my "friend" [20/f] who is now 3,000 miles away
POST: My friend and I are both starting our 2nd year at universities on opposite coasts. This friend and I have known each other and were pretty good friends through high school, and this summer she admitted to having had "a huge crush" on me during high school, which blew my mind because I was obsessed with her in high school, despite both of us always dating other people.
Midway through the summer, we went to a movie, went back to my place and hooked up. We continued to hook up for the summer but we also did a ton of coupley things like go on cute day trips and cuddle and watch bad movies. She asked once or twice to make sure we were "just having fun" but it feels to me like there was a lot more than that.
Cut to, we leave for school, we have a long, drawn out goodbye in the pouring rain. We've texted once or twice since I moved back but I just talked on the phone with her, and realized that we had been talking for almost an hour and I didn't even notice! It just felt totally natural.
I guess what I'm saying is I at least have feelings for her and I think she feels the same. We've both been in long-distance relationships that didn't work out and I don't think either of us want to go there again. I don't know what to say to her, if I should say anything at all! Can anyone offer some advice or tell me about a similar situation?
TL;DR: | I think we both have feelings for each other, but are 3,000 miles away from each other. What do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: What is the protocol for unfollowing friends on social media?
POST: There is a girl I've been friends with since high school (about 10 years). Over the past couple years we've really drifted, but there was a long period of time where I would have said she was my best friend. Life stuff has happened, we clearly have very different morals and values, we've grown apart. Now we're officially still friends, but we rarely see each other and when we do it's awkward - we have nothing in common, nothing to talk about, and on top of that she is super competitive with me. She's like that with everyone she knows and she has been for a long time, but it's exhausting and obnoxious. For example: I quietly went back to school last year to study English, and then she announced out of the blue that she was writing a book (and posed 1000 updates from various coffee shops as she 'created the outline for her novel'). I took a trip to California, she spent like three weeks posting TBTs to the time she went to LA. I posted a couple nice pictures, she made some awkward post about how photography is her passion and she's going to start pursuing it more. It's petty, yes, but it bothers me because not only is it annoying (she's super active, it's inescapable), it's so transparent and at odds with this carefully cultivated super-confident SJW persona she has. Its so phony, she talks about how women should be building each other up and then everything she says to me is catty and it's all a competition and she spends her time trying to one-up everyone in her life.
Anyway, I want to unfollow her on instagram because I just don't want those vibes in my life, but it feels weird because this girl is my friend and I will see her again, we go way back and I'm not at a point where I can completely just cut her out. Everybody I've talked to about this says that I can't possibly do that, it draws a line in the sand, she'll find out, etc. What do I do? Do I suck it up? Unfollow? Anyone been in a similar situation? Help me navigate this.
TL;DR: | Old friend has an annoying instagram but I am told I can't unfollow her because of friend rules. Please advise. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How, exactly, does one spend $5,000 at a strip club?
POST: My husband recently went on a weekend outing with his friends to celebrate his birthday. During the night, excessive drinking occurred and he apparently blacked out shortly after dinner.
Now, I try to be a supportive wife and not controlling, so I was fine with him going away with his buds for the weekend, heck I even gave him all the cash out of my wallet so that he would have money for the weekend. I even mentioned that if he went to a strip club, I would be okay with it, but to please not get a lap dance. Well, he reassured me that strippers weren't his thing (he's never been before) and told me that he wouldn't be going to one.
After he came back, I asked him how it went and whether he got titties in his face. He told me that he had a good time, but blacked out for most of the night. Also, he did not go to a strip club because he wasn't into that type of thing.
Well, fast forward a few days, he looks at his credit card statement, and apparently he did go to a strip club. In fact, he spend $5,000 at the strip club. He doesn't recall any of this, and has no idea what he spent $5,000 on, or what he did at the strip club. WTH.
I'm so torn with so many different emotions. 5k is a lot of money and we're not so well off that we can just brush that off. It's ridiculous that I even gave him over $200 in cash so that he wouldn't need to use his credit card. I'm pissed that he lied about going to a strip club, even if he didn't mean it. I'm extremely pissed/worried about the 5k, and I'm worried about he did/received to warrant that charge... I just feel so lost, has anyone been in this situation? How did it work out?
TL;DR: | Husband went to a strip club, racked up $5k on the credit card... How can you even spend that much money at a strip club? And how the hell do I deal with this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: There is an undercurrent of anger over tipping culture in the United States. Non-Americans and servers of Reddit, how much do you make per hour?
POST: As a server, I make about $15 to $20 per hour, including tips. I make an hourly wage from my employer of $5.60. I know the menu through and through, can adjust my services for food allergy, food-sensitive, food-avoidance factors; I know wine recommendations, the cultural background of our food, and I still get shafted ($4 on $40? really?!) and rewarded (I once had a tip that equaled my car payment for the month). It is obvious to me that, if tipping was eradicated in my economy, I would be vastly underpaid for my service, and would likely abandon my service. Are people willing to sacrifice decent service at a restaurant (more and more people are filing into the service industry for its obvious incentives---cash in the pocket, I make $40k per year) for higher meal costs, and lower wages paid to service workers in an economy that demands perfection?
TL;DR: | Would you prefer higher costs for less efficient, un-talented workers, or would you just prefer to pony up 18% for talent, efficiency, and professionalism? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit, I could use a little advice
POST: So I lost my ID last night after going to a bar (I believe it was lost on the cab ride home) and this morning I receive a message on Facebook from a girl saying she found it and if I'm still looking for it to come to her dorm since we go to the same college (she also ended the note with a smiley face). I assume she did some FB "research" before contacting me but I'm not sure if this was because she possibly finds me attractive or this was done out of pure generosity and kindness. In my experiences in life I'd find it unlikely for someone to take such effort just for the latter reason, but that's just my experience. She is fairly attractive and I'm trying to decide if I should simply get it back and thank her or if i should try and work something out of this and offer to thank her by taking her to lunch or something along those lines?
TL;DR: | Cute girl finds my ID and offers to return it, is this an act of random kindness or do I try work a date out of this somehow? |
SUBREDDIT: r/self
TITLE: Transferring student seeks to cheer up/reassure best friend. Ideas?
POST: Reddit, I've decided I cannot do this alone. I met her before I went away to college last year (we both went to same school) anyways she and I have been through hell together, and she's my best friend and is devastated that I am going to be transferring to a different college closer to home (went to NYC originally from MA) starting in the fall. So, I need one or more rocking ideas that can show that her how much I care about her etc... Also, I know nothing will be like duct tape and fix this but I figure anything is better than nothing.
TL;DR: | Transferring schools and want to show my best friend I love her/gonna miss her/everything's going to be alright |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Parents: Why do you pay for photos of your kids screaming their heads off with Santa?
POST: This is probably my mom talking (my mom is a horrible person, that's why I bring it up), but I just think it's a waste of money. If I had kids of my own, I would not want to hang up pictures of them screaming their head off while the poor mall Santa just has to sit there and endure it until the picture is over. I would also not want to send these to people or plaster them up online for all to see and be forced to look at in their newsfeed. Hell, if my child was crying during the hand off to Santa, there would be no Santa that year, as they are clearly not ready to sit in a stranger's lap. Plus, I don't want to subject other mall goers to my kid screaming their head off if I don't have to.
So anyway, I see people posting these on Facebook, and they say they paid for them. WHY? It's like, $20, and I just see it as $20 that could be spent better elsewhere, I guess. Here's another question: do you think anyone wants to see a photo of your child in obvious distress? I am not asking that as a rhetorical question laden with snark and attitude, but as an honest question I'd really like to hear the answer to. I know I don't want to see pictures of other people's babies screaming; I want to see nice pictures from when they are smiling or having a good time.
Yes, I know babies cry, I'm just saying I don't want to see it, whether in person or by proxy in a photograph. It makes me think of the sound, and the sound of crying babies pisses me off to no end.
TL;DR: | Why do you allow and pay for photos of your child to be taken with Santa while they are screaming their heads off? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: One of my best friends [20M] said we could party at his appartment, until his girlfriend [20F] of a year came home and kicked me[20M] out
POST: Me and my group of friends since middle school *we are all 20 now so about 8ish years* decided to get together to play games and hang out in general. A little backstory about his girlfriend, Ashley and me have never gotten along. To this day I cant think of a time when we weren't at each others throats. *She once sacrificed me to Satan but that's another story*
Since me and Ashley have had past history we asked if it was ok for me to be there so we didn't have any conflict. He said he had talked to her and that she had no problem with me being there as long as I was gone before she came home, so no big deal, the plans were made.
So we all show up, the group is about 8 strong and we are all having a good time playing games and hanging out. After a few hours there is an unexpected knock at the door and behold it is Ashley, I duck into a corner with a few friends and get out of her way since she's not supposed to be there I expect as long I we don't cross paths all should be good.
At that point Ashley pulls her boyfriend into the bedroom and they have a short talk before he comes out and tell me I have to leave, I thought this was just because Ashley was going to be there for a bit so I told them I'd run and get some more snacks and he can text me when to come back. He tells me not to come back....
I was kinda shocked although not surprised, I walked out and as I do he tells everyone he would like them to stay and keep partying. Lucky my friends had my back and everyone left with me.
The next day he asks her to marry him, they are getting married in a month before he heads off to the military.
TL;DR: | My friend invited everyone over for a party, when his girlfriend makes an unexpected visit during her lunch break and makes him kick me out. I feel betrayed and wondering what I need to say/do to save this friendship. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Dating my best friend who is my really good friend's ex
POST: So my best friend [18/f] dated my really close friend [18/m] around 8 months ago. They were together on and off for around 2 years in highschool. Me [18/m] and the girl have known each other for years and I have known her just as long as I've known my close friend, and we both clicked since we met and I even helped them get together.
Then around a few months into their relationship I fell really hard for this girl (who inevitably throughout the years my best friend). We have always been great friends and I started getting feelings for her. Because they were together for a while I would push the feelings away and try to forget about them. I didn't tell anyone that I really liked her and no one knew.
After they broke up I was still in close contact with her and we hung out all the time. I was also still really good friends with the guy and he knew I was still friends with her and he was ok with us just being friends. But later one night me and my best friend hooked up and from then on we started developing feelings for each other. When my close friend (the ex boyfriend) found out he completely shut me out of his life, blocked me on facebook and hasn't talked to me since.
Did I do the wrong thing? I was madly in love with this girl and I didn't know what else to do but express my feelings for her. We're dating now and I feel a little guilty but not really because I couldn't be happier right now with her. She's my best friend and the girl I am in love with. Did I do the wrong thing reddit?
TL;DR: | Fell in love with my good friend's ex who is my best friend and now we're dating. Good friend shut me out of his life. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [m22] If i've cheated in my past, how do i tell the person i'm seeing now?
POST: During my last relationship i cheated on my boyfriend (of one year) with someone else. It was with a stranger and it didn't mean anything to me really, but I regreted it. As you can guess, i was caught, he read my texts. I don't have a reason why i did it, i loved my boyfriend, honestly. I knew that not only was there a dissonance between who i was and wanted to be, but also between who i thought i was and who i was. My (now-ex) boyfriend saw that i was broken and decided to try and get me help. I saw a psychologist, and went to Sex Addicts Anonymous. I learned I was a sexual person, had vulnerabilities, but was stonger in will-power than i thought. Now that i feel i have a more control of myself and am more confident that i won't let myself hurt someone like that again, i find it incredibly hard to move forward in a relationship. I've been seeing someone for about two months now--but what has to happen next is letting my guard down. I haven't told him yet, its not exactly something you say on a first date. I know that if i can talk about this with him, i will be at my most vulnerable. I want to be clear with him that even i get afraid of being cheated on, and that if either of us are too tried by temptation, we should be honest and communicative about how we feel. I'd rather not be lied to. The question is, how do i tell him about my past? Should i even? When do i tell him?
TL;DR: | I cheated on a bf the past. I got myself help. I'm ready for a relationship again, and seeing someone now. **How** and **when** should i tell him? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by nearly fainting on the subway.
POST: I agreed to post 50 fliers for my sister's choir for some money, but I completely forgot and ended up rushing out the door having only eaten a small bowl of cereal and gotten very inadequate sleep. This was at about 10 AM. Then, four hours later, I was on my way home and was only able to eat a banana and a bottle of OJ I bought at a 7/11 in that entire time period. It was almost 30 degrees C today and above 30 with humidity (Toronto sucks in the summer) and I did not have a hat/sunglasses or anything. I thought I could power through. I was wrong.
I was nearing the last leg of my journey, on the subway with one stop to go, and it went underground which caused my entire head to go numb, my stomach to flip inside out, and my vision to slowly darken... I was in rough shape.
Luckily, it stopped in time for me to stumble out and sit myself down on a bench on the platform and take a few deep breaths and gather my bearings. Had the trip taken five or so seconds more I'm sure I'd have either puked all over the subway floor or simply collapsed in the company of complete strangers.
After a few minutes I got up and bough a small bag of almonds which tided me over for the rest of my trip. I should have done that way before. I don't know what I was thinking.
TL;DR: | Ate and drank almost nothing after a bad sleep and spent 4 hours in the sun on a hot humid day and nearly crashed... into the floor of the subway on the way home. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [29F] dealing with friend's [28/f] lack of self confidence and dating disasters
POST: I'm at the end of my wit and I need advice.
I have a very dear friend that wants nothing more than be in a dating relationship. She's attractive, fit, well-educated, and has a great job. What could be the problem?
She's a prolific dater and has no problem meeting men online or in person. Recently, she met a man she was very attracted to. She felt he was "out of her league". They went out once or twice but she hasn't heard much from him since. Every day, she mentions that he hasn't been in touch. She obsesses over seeing him "with another girl" (it hasn't happened but she's fearing the day). This isn't new. I've witnessed this pattern with at least three other men. She gets genuinely upset and hurt -- and it's very tough to watch.
I feel like I keep saying the same things: Dating is all about timing. She should screen to see how serious they are before getting too involved. If someone doesn't act interested, she should move on. Nothing gets through.
She is very focused on looks and status (she once dated a blue collar man and commented that "no one will be impressed with his job") She seems to think that if she was "good enough" these flaky Ken dolls would want to date her. I wish I could help because she's obviously distressed. But quite frankly, I'm tired of having the same conversation over and over.
She makes comments like "guess I should settle for a fatty" because she notes that our friend's boyfriends are "chubby" (they don't have six packs but I wouldn't call them chubby) and they're nice and devoted.
It's clear to me she's not screening guys to see who is serious, and who isn't. I'm tired of hearing her put herself down and giving her the same lines of advice every day. How can I get through to her?
TL;DR: | Smart and attractive friend desperately wants a relationship but only falls for attractive flakes and spends hours obsessing with friends about it and putting herself down. How do we get through to her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Would you quit in this situation? (Me 41 M & Her 42 F)
POST: We've been dating for about 6 months and I'm on the verge of calling it quits. I flew solo most of my life while she came from a pretty abusive longterm relationship. We've been physical with each other and about a month ago, she started taking the mini pill so that we wouldn't have to worry about condoms. Unfortunately, her emotions have really driven her into a bad place and I've lost interest. As such, there are things about her that are really bothering me now like I think she has a habit of making bad decisions and of course she talks about her terrible ex way more than I like even though I don't complain. I'm at the point where I wanna cut my losses despite not wanting to hurt her.
TL;DR: | Falling out of love partly due to mini pill derailing emotions, partly due to losing tolerance for annoyances. Quickly approaching the quitting point. Am I a jerk? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Feelings came back for an ex after she decided she didn't want to move out of state after college. Not sure if I should tell her about these feelings.
POST: So my ex (F23) and I (M23) have been broken up for almost two years now. I broke it of because I didn't see a future between us. One of those factors was because she wanted to move after college for a teaching job. Fast forwarding to last weekend... We were both in a weeding for our two high school best friends' wedding.
At the grooms dinner she told be that she got a teaching job in our city and was no longer looking to move away. My heart stopped and immediately I couldn't believe it. After I heard that all of these feeling were brought out again. During the wedding we hit it off (alcohol helped), but I didn't want to bring anything of these feeling up at our friends' wedding.
The next whole day we spent texting and we haven't had contact since. I'm afraid to bring any of these new feeling up to her and now that I just found out she is in the early stages of seeing someone I just don't know if what I am feeling is just jealousy or something stronger.
Anyone else out there that has been in a similar situation or can throw out some advice? My primary fear is if we end up back together again that I could end up breaking her heart again like one of those situations where once you have it you no longer want it anymore.
TL;DR: | Rehashed feeling for an ex of 2 years after a wedding we went to and finding out she might be dating someone. |
SUBREDDIT: r/GetMotivated
TITLE: [Text] "Remember, you're the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with"
POST: this is something I saw in here
There's a lot of good advice in this article, but this particular comment resonated with me. All of my lifestyle choices so far were strongly influenced by the people I was around with at the time. I know this is obvious for most, and even I knew about the influence thing before I read this but I didn't REALLY understand what it meant until now.
Thinking back on the past decade, I was most motivated when I was surrounded by super motivated people (I went to a ritzy high school) who had a lot of plans to do cool shit (career decisions, travel plans, etc). Fast forward: I dropped out of college (partied too hard, whoops) and after that I was just living on my own without any real plans to do anything. I did not bother to keep in touch with those who inspired me before. I was living paycheck to paycheck.
Then I started hanging out with my parents more. They eventually asked me if I wanted to move back in and I did. My parents are SUPER motivated about their careers and being around that energy has helped me a lot (spending time with them was something I did not appreciate much when I was younger). Since living with them I've gone back to school and gotten mostly A's and B's, surrounded myself with other motivated people, became savvy with money (shout out to Bao Yu and r/personalfinance), learned to utilize my time better... I just feel productive now, and that makes me feel good about myself. I actually have plans now and things I want to do with my life.
TL;DR: | Was young and clueless. Grew up and surrounded myself with motivated ppl. Life is good now. GG pound sign coolstorybro |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] with my __girlfriend_ [20 F] 1 month, what should I do about my bitch girlfriend?
POST: she is very cute and sexy and i asked her out after being friends with her for about a year .
on this Christmas she asked me if i would like to have a threesome including her friend (23 F ) . i didn't agree to it . the next day while i was tranfering chrismas day pics from her phone , her phone beeped and she had a bbm message . it said "I would like to fill your mouth with my 8 inch gun my slut " .
when i confronted her about that she started abusing me and saying mean things . she also said that she is with me only for the sex and that i am an ugly douchebag .
she also made fun of my anxiety which i had developed after my first girlfriend (the love of my life had died because of cancer just at the age of 17 :( )
since the next day she is been messaging me about how sorry she is and she wants to be together again .
TL;DR: | refused a threesome offer by my gf , caught her sexting , she made fun of my anxiety , i broke up , now she wants to be back together |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What will you never get sick of? How can you make a temporary enjoyment last longer?
POST: You know the lesson,"you don't appreciate the things until they are gone." That advises people to appreciate the little things. I know that helps develop a healthy mentality towards life, but how, after so many repetitions of small things, can you keep appreciating something.
I thought of this when I came back from college. Since it's been a long time I've woken up in my house to see my parents, I've greeted them with a passionate,"Good morning" the first day. That initial appreciation for my home could never be matched by the morning greetings of later days. With each iteration, the greeting became a habit, and we started to "good morning" to each other without thinking, without any meaning anymore until we stopped saying "good morning." Repetitive iterations seem to downplay the little things.
TL;DR: | How can you keep doing the same thing over and over again and still love what you are doing is what I'm asking |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Advice needed: How do you tactfully take a meeting with another company while employed?
POST: I've been at my startup job for about 2 years now. I'm 27 and it's my first "adult" job. My role started off in community and now I'm starting to work more product side of things. It feels like a great opportunity to learn new things, but not a promotion since I'm just handling someone else's overflow. Things have been slow with sales at our company. Management has been upfront and has a plan, but naturally, we're all a little worried.
Recently, a company that's starting up an office in my city contacted me via LinkedIn and asked if I was interested in chatting in potential opportunities in their marketing department. I'm not actively looking for a new job at the moment, but the product they make seems like it may be up my alley.
I have a meeting with them on Thursday. I feel like I'm window shopping right now - looking without much intent to buy. Mostly I'm curious to see they think I could do and what they could offer me. I feel like meeting them now at least sets a precedent for future conversations even if I'm not looking to leave now.
Reddit, do you have any tips on how to do this without them feeling like I'm wasting their time or without seeming overeager? Are there any things I should definitely ask about or avoid sharing? Are these things ever purely informational or are they coming to make a hard sell?
TL;DR: | I'm being recruited by another company and I'm not sure if I want to go. I need advice on how to play it cool during my meeting and am wondering if there are any hard and fast do's and don'ts. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 F] with my boyfriend [19 M] I'm having a hard time figuring out if he is in love or obsessed...
POST: Hello. Thanks for taking your time to read this, I am having troubles with my boyfriend who I have been dating for almost 4 months now. He lives all the way in New York and I live in Pennsylvania, so it's a long distance relationship. We skype and text everyday, even when he is at school or work. Thing is, if I go off and spend time with my friends and don't respond to him on time, he gets either angry or depressed. Not only that, but he has literally told me that the only reason why he is motivated or happy anymore is because I'm in his life. Which doesn't seem bad right? But it's gotten to the point where he is literally devoting all he can to make sure I'm happy... Buying me gifts, skipping out on friends to just talk to me, trying to change his appearance to seem more 'attractive' to me... Which I appreciate very much! But I don't want or need these things. He's changed since I first met him and I don't know. There was even a time he has told me that he doesn't need friends because he has me. I tell him I love him, I talk things out with him, but it doesn't seem to work. I try to give back everything and make him just as happy but it .. doesn't seem right with him. Am I overthinking it?
TL;DR: | Boyfriend of 4 months devoting every second, every minute and every day with me, getting angry over me not responding to texts quick enough and says he doesn't need friends if he has me. Is he obsessed or in love? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Recruiting services found out one of my references was a relative, said that wasn't allowed even though for 10 years I worked for a family business?
POST: I used a different name for a relative supervisor and forgot she still said her other name in her voice mail when they tried to leave her a message.
I get why companies don't want family references, but honestly, I learned all my useful tech skill sets with my family business we started 20 years ago. She asked for a link to the web site and I gave it to her and I told her I was even the one to custom design that site so how can she write off a reference just because it was a relative. I'm sure a few exceptions can be made.
I also gave her a customer reference, too.
She said she was misinformed on what that small tech business was about...then I told her, well it's obvious why I didn't tell her it was a family business. We ran our own store and everything so why can't I have a family reference to count it? That's where I learned all my useful skills and if she doesn't want me just because of that, I'm talking to many other agencies who don't care that it was a family business.
I'm actually in charge of the company now because my parents gave me the company to run and have nothing to do with it anymore. It's on-call.
TL;DR: | What happens when 10 years of experience is under a family business and they ask for a reference supervisor? Well, that was...my parents, lol, Has anyone else ever been in this position? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Would you tell a friend if they had been cheated on, even if their lover had stopped cheating?
POST: This may be a long and unraveling story, but here it goes:
I have a friend who I know was cheated on by his girlfriend. Then later he caught her sending dirty pictures to the person she had cheated on him with. It is my understanding he caught her by means that didn't involve him going through her phone, but messages came to her phone as he was next to it, and her phone being an iPhone, it displays part of the message when the text arrives. He approached his girlfriend about the texts/pictures and I'm not sure what she told him, it was between them. They seem to be working things out, and she has cut off communication with the "other guy."
However, I know she did not tell her boyfriend ALL of the truth, and he may have no idea that she actually slept with this other person. I find her lack of telling him the complete truth to show that it's possible that she never will tell him. I consider them both friends, though I haven't known them very long. I've actually known her longer than he, but duration of friendship isn't always testament to how strong a bond is. I think he is a great guy, and the longer it takes her to tell him, the more it will hurt him and I don't like to see my friends hurt.
It seems like the girl wants to just keep lying because she can continue her relationship. She says "they" are working through their problems. But I don't understand how "they" could be working through their problems if "she" is the only one who really knows what the problem is. I have until today tried to convince Friend A that she should tell Friend B, but to no avail. At this point Friend A has removed and blocked me from Facebook, and refuses to talk to me, and we have another friend (Friend C, if you will) hanging in the limbs possibly about to be excommunicated from Friend A as well. Friend C has tried convincing Friend A to tell, but to no avail as well.
So, do I tell Friend B? Do I let him find out on his own knowing that Friend A may never tell him? I'm stuck in a shitty situation here.
TL;DR: | Friend A cheated on Friend B. Friend B found some evidence, and Friend A fessed up to the evidence, but not the whole crime. Do I tell Friend B the whole truth? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 M/F] with my ex [23 M/F] 7 mo, I'm watching the porn we made
POST: I'm watching the porn we made from my laptop and I'm just smiling at how faded we were and reminiscing about how great we were together.
It's been 3 months since we've broken up and I still can't seem to move on. I think about him often and can't bring myself to want to be involved with another person despite trying. Other people don't measure up to how great he was for me.
I've tried meeting up with him again, calling, texting. He responds to me sometimes but usually seems pretty cold or annoyed. I don't know what to do and I'm certain that I seem pretty desperate but I can't help it because I know that I loved him truly. I still do.
I know that if we got back together, I wouldn't make the same mistakes I made the first time that pushed him away in the first place.
TL;DR: | My ex and I have been broken up for 3 months now but I want to get back with him or at least be friends. What do I do? What can I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/tifu
TITLE: TIFU by eating apples on Easter
POST: I was at a family event on Easter, doing the normal tradition that my family does; lots of food, lots of alcohol. I'm not a big drinker anymore, but I will have the occasional social drink or two... This year there was a big punch bowl of sangria with fruit in it. Now normally I'm allergic to apples, or some kind of chemical on apples (because organic apples and a few kinds of non organic are fine). But I was like "what the hay, it'll be fine, they've been soaking in sangria!"
Big mistake.
After finishing a cup, my throat swells up so badly I could barley gasp for air. I'm too stubborn to call an ambulance, so I manage to swallow an allergy medication but I know it will have been too long before it kicks in. My wife comes up with the brilliant idea of packing a bowl of weed for me, which I proceed to smoke, and within 20 seconds my throat opens up and I can breathe again, feeling mostly better.
I have experimented with seasonal allergies and smoking weed in the past, which is why we thought it could work. I also want to point out that I wasn't drunk at all, I have a history of drinking at parties and am very aware of how much I've had. And this happened in a matter of 10 seconds.
TL;DR: | I idiotically ate a lot of apple slices, which I'm allergic to. Suddenly can't breathe. I smoke some weed, and my throat stops swelling immediately. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [16 M] with my Girlfriend [ 18 F] 6 Months, She says I'm not experienced enough...
POST: So me and my GF just talked and she started crying and saying "shes tired of my not knowing what I am doing and not being experienced in relationships" (i.e When to hug her when shes feeling bad, wiping her tears when she cries, leaving when she tells me to go away even though she doesn't really mean it) Just some examples she use.
In 3 months she'll be going off to college and we decided we would end the relationship then because she wouldn't have time upon other things. I don't know why she expects this from me even though this is my first relationship, I'm still learning and I feel as if she is just tired of this relationship and is just anticipating the end. I want to make this a good one and make sure we don't break up fighting but on even grounds.
Is there any cues I should be watching for or anything I could tell her? I don't want her to feel this way and I don't want to feel like she is just with me till its over. Please help!
TL;DR: | First relationship, GF is sad that I don't do things I should know to be doing. Says she tired of it, I feel like she wants an older guy, how can I give her that experience without chasing her away? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [31 M] ruined relationship with my fiancé [30 F] of four years, I've spent a year thinking she hated me and now it's actually the opposite. But I knocked up a girl and now it's complicated
POST: Which is worse? thinking that the love of your life that you screwed things up with ROYALLY hates you (as you continue to screw up your life) or finding out that you actually could've fixed things but it's too late (but she is actually being nice to you)?
i screwed up badly with my fiancé and thought she hated me and was out to get me, finally got the balls to talk to her a year later (after i continued to fuck up my life and knocked up a girl after two months of knowing her, I know I'm an idiot) and it turns out my ex fiancé actually still cares about me and has been really nice and mature listening to me and how much i messed up my life. She should've told me to just fuck off and die but instead she's been so nice and patient with me. I don't deserve it. She's the love of my life and I know she won't take me back but now I can't think clear.
I don't know which is worse- thinking she hated me and was fucking with me (she wasn't) or knowing I could've talked to her and possibly fixed everything except i knocked up my fucking rebound instead. Life is horrible each way without her.
TL;DR: | what is worse? Thinking my ex hated me or knowing I could've fixed it but I knocked up another girl and now everything is a mess. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Pets
TITLE: How can I tell if my cat is just playing with me?
POST: Last month my SO and I rescued a starving, pregnant, stray cat. She is absolutely wonderful. She loves being an indoor cat, never tries to get back outside, constantly wants to snuggle, etc. She is also incredibly playful. She does the normal kitten things where she'll wrap herself around her legs when you're walking downstairs, or attack your toes when you're sitting on the sofa, etc.
Here's the "problem". Sometimes we'll be playing with one of her toys (we have a couple of those wands with the feathers and strings at the end, etc.) and she's going insane and it's obviously play, but then I'll go to imitate the play she'd get with other cats (I know it's not recommended, but I love hands-on play) and she doesn't use her claws, which makes me believe it's playing, but her ears will go back, and she'll jump and pounce at my arm. Also, sometimse if I don't start playing with her when she wants me to (if I'm getting ready for work, etc.) she'll sprint into the bathroom doorway and "spit" at me, then sprint off. I've never heard a cat or seen a cat do this before, and it worries me into thinking that she's being aggressive. Do I have anything to worry about, or is this play?
TL;DR: | Sometimes my wild-turned-indoor kitten will spit at me when she wants to play, and will put her ears back when playing. Is this aggression, or just play-time? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Help With Affairs, Or Love Triangles.
POST: I am a twenty year old man, she's the same age as me, her boyfriend just turned twenty two and has been with him for two years. I've known both of them for three years and some months at the very least. I've been with her for the last eight months. Over this period of time, things between her and I have been happy for the most part. Having only occasional arguments with me, while fighting constantly with her Boyfriend. We have swayed in and out of love, once already because I sometimes feel that I am being manipulated by her. That she only wants the control over me and I'm being used to fill her desires, be they lust or love. The last few months have have been better we have been living together and it has seemed more like her Boyfriend is the one she has been having an affair with. I have told her I can not truly mean "I Love You" until she actually is no longer with her Boyfriend. Since that she has been avoiding his calls, lying to him about where she was and what she was doing(more so than before). Actually trying to get him to leave her, while trying to strengthen the relationship between her and I.
On the Other Hand...
How much do I actually want to be with this woman? I know she has cheated on every man she has ever been with. If I am considered a new relationship, this would be the second time (to my knowledge) she had begun a new one before ending her current relationship. She has self esteem issues with her appearance, and her self as a person. I don't want to be responsible for my significant others happiness, I want to be with someone who can be happy about life with me.
TL;DR: | I want her to leave him for me, I'm sure of it. Well maybe not, am I doing what is really best for myself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How much does Facebook matter?
POST: My current boyfriend and I are both in our early twenties and have been dating each other for a few months. He is effusively affectionate and has made it very clear that he loves me intensely. His family and friends all really like me, he's not shy about PDA, and it's no secret that we're together for anyone who spends any time around us.
He really dislikes the idea of having a Facebook relationship status, however, and has also stated that he's against making his profile picture of the two of us together. His reasoning is that he doesn't want his personal life to be so public online. He has some photos of him and an ex kissing/cuddling from years ago in his profile pictures; his response to why he was willing to make his relationship public then and not now is that he's changed his stance on this over time. I asked him to take those down and he agreed, though he also argued that they shouldn't matter, especially given that he checks Facebook quite infrequently.
In all honesty, I'm mostly concerned because he's someone who is by default quite friendly, which a lot of women interpret as flirtation. I have no doubts about his loyalty, but girls tend to fall for him really easily, and I would feel better if it were completely obvious to everyone that he and I were together, not just those who see us together regularly. Even if he always declines politely, it bothers me to have women out there think that he's single, or think that I must not be that important given how sparsely I'm represented on his Facebook profile.
Am I being really immature about this? Does this matter, and if not, how do I stop letting this get me down? Thanks for your thoughts.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend is great in the real world but not big on being Facebook "official." Not sure if this should matter or bother me as much as it does? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21F] with my boyfriend[22M] 6.5 years, how to deal with break up?
POST: Hi everyone,
I recently split from my boyfriend of 6.5 because he wasn't treating me with respect, communicating to me about his/our problems, and many more issues.
I've blocked him from all social media so I can move on, but sometimes I get upset because I remember how we used to be.
We went travelling to Japan at the beginning of the year, and we were perfectly fine until a month ago. Boy, things change so quickly.
I keep thinking about our memories and our first moments together, as we grew up together throughout our relationship. I became like a member of his family, made a lot of friends together, and I feel like everything is gone. Everything just hurts, and I keep thinking over and over again about how he treated me.
At the moment I just don't feel like doing anything. All I want to do is sleep, I don't feel like eating either. Does anyone have any advice about moving forward? I know I'm so young, but this relationship was the biggest part of my life.
TL;DR: | Ended 6.5 year relationship, struggling to move on because I keep thinking about us, what can I do to help myself? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [18m] My [18f] girlfriend having self harm issues
POST: My girlfriend and I are having some troubles in our relationship and things aren't looking very bright. After an argument today, she text me and told me not to talk to her and not text her until she did and that she didnt want me in her life anymore. I know she just says things like this sometimes to try to make me feel bad (which i already know is bad), but I go to her room to see her and she was on the ground and crying. I tried to cheer her up and make her feel better and after talking to her for a while and her reaching on her bed a few times, I noticed red rashes on lines on her arm and i find a pair of scissors on her bed.
I didn't know what to do and told her she can't do that and eventually asked her to go with me to a counsellor or something at her college which she reluctantly agreed. I was considering telling her mom so she would be able to help her, but my girlfriend begged me not to and her and I don't want her mom to be upset or worried (she is a very sweet woman).
I'm not sure what to do. I did not see this coming at all and I've had doubts about our relationships but never seemed to be able to let her go. With this I am scared to ever break up with her because i know I will still care/worry about her doing stuff like that again.
I am not a bad boyfriend or so I think anyways. I have never done anything to abuse or hurt her and I just feel we were starting to see differences in our relationship. I still care about her and love her so much.
Please help reddit
TL;DR: | girlfriend and I argue, I find out she used scissors to cut herself (no blood or anything), think seeing a counsellor would be good, not sure what else to do.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: [Serious] What are your idea's for fixing how the government is run? (More info inside)
POST: I don't want to post this in r/politics because I am afraid of the answers I would receive, and I think r/AskReddit, because of its size, has a better general population of Reddit. I ask because lately I have been involved in a lot of talks at work about our general state of politics in this country (US) and all I ever hear is just people spewing out what the 24 hour news channels already say which, in my opinion don't get us anywhere. I actually want to hear what people think should be different and their honest opinions. I think that is what is missing from the discussion is people actually want, not what they don't like about the other side. If I have to start this out I think that we should install term limits for those in congress. I am not saying that this is the answer by any means, there are going to be pros and cons about every idea but that is what I want to discuss. I personally think that our congress gets stuck in a pattern of just trying to keep getting re-elected than trying to actually pass meaningful legislation that might upset the party line they have to walk. You may not agree but I want to hear why because I definitely don't have all if any of the right answers. Sorry if that got long-winded.
TL;DR: | I want to hear honest opinions because I am tired of the 24 hour news channels opinions and I am genuinly interested in hearing what other people have to say. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24/m] like having relationships with random ppl from the internet than in real life
POST: I am a 24 year old male student in NYC. There's plenty of things to do, plenty of things to see and plenty of people to meet. I like meeting new people but I find that 90% of the time, they end up being really boring to me. I am quite popular (somewhat internet famous because of my social media pages) so I get to meet a lot of people and I am surrounded by people 90% of my day but I just don't feel the need or have the urge to continue my relationship with people. For example, I will meet people in my class and I will befriend them throughout the semester. We will talk in class, in the halls, sometimes we'll grab food or drinks before/after class, but I have absolutely no urge to continue my relationship with them after the semester.
I think maybe it's the fact that because I am "famous" I am not free to do/say the things I want publicly. Maybe that's why I appreciate friendships with random people...?
This goes for my childhood friends too. Granted; they all ended up being losers who stay at home and do drugs all day using mommy and daddys money, but even the people i meet who are successful. I find it difficult to congratulate people on their success or achievement because I get jealous (i think). I like playing sports but I've never in my entire life publicly admitted that someone was better than me at ____.
I met with a therapist for a bit after a break up with my ex. She left me because she just wasn't ready to take the relationship seriously... I had a hard time accepting that; again, probably something to do with my ego. My therapy sessions went from my insecurities to my skewed views of women. Long story short; I do not respect women in any aspect.
I've stopped seeing him when I started to date another girl but those urges are still there to go back and talk to him. Again, I think this is something to do with my ego; the fact that I can sit there and talk to someone; basically bitch about my day or my life and he has to sit there and listen. It's a real big ego boost to me.
TL;DR: | Am I just an extremely egotistical person that can't respect and befriend others because they're not "good enough" for me? How can I overcome this.... "handicap" and enjoy my life? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Hey Reddit, Am I Screwing Myself By Buying Kindle eBooks?
POST: I read dozens of books every year and I travel often. Recently I purchased a Kindle. The concept is so seductive, global wireless delivery of hundreds of thousands of ebooks for less than the paper copy. And, I can carry 1500 books on something that fits in my jacket pocket!
But, after purchasing $100 or so of ebooks, I am beginning to wonder if I am screwing myself in the long run. I started reading books from my parents' bookshelves when I was little. In fact, most of my childhood reading was from whatever they already owned. But, as my ebook collection grew, it hit me: "Will I be giving this Kindle ebook copy of *A Moveable Feast* to my great-grandchildren? My grandchildren? My children?"
The answer I am left with is: "Probably not". The computer games I played growing up are all unplayable now, written in languages that are no longer native and stored on disks no longer used.
TL;DR: | If computer games just 15 years old are unplayable, how can Amazon's AZW format have even the slightest chance in hell of lasting 20, 40, or 60 years? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [18/f] Is my boyfriend [21/m] taking advantage of me?
POST: I have been taking my SO for about 2 months. We spent a lot of time together for several months before we actually started dating.
A little background:
-I am from an upper-middle class family, I do not act spoiled but my parents do provide A LOT for me (car, gas, tuition) but they do not provide me with any spending money and I work a lot in the summer to pay for my extra stuff
-He has been in foster care all of his life and has had to work for everything that he has. He lost his job about a month before I met him and has recieved a lot of help (his best friend lets him live rent-free). He was saving up to get his car back and needed 3000 dollars. He got a job and has just made enough to pay for his car.
Throughout this time whenever we go out I end up paying for pretty much everything, OCCASIONALLY we will split things (but he drags his heels) and he has never taken me out. I am not expecting anybody to pay for me everywhere we go but it just seems like it is very one sided.
I think he feels as if this is okay because of my family situation being able to provide so much for me.
He has been promising that he will "spoil" me in a month when he is completely back on his feet, but I am worried that I am waiting for nothing.
I am concerned that I come in last place since he does spend money on other things ($80 bong a few weeks ago; talking about getting huge leg tattoo sleeve)
He is a great guy and I like him a lot but I cannot help but shake the feeling that I am being taken advantage of.
Help? :/
TL;DR: | boyfriend has been in tough times and needs me to pay for "dates" I am afraid it isn't completely legit and I am being taken advantage of |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: M/22 and F/19, am I in a unordinary relationship?
POST: Hi guys, I've been with my girlfriend (Jess) for 2yrs 5 months. She still lives with her parents and I live with two friends. I work full time and she studies full time. Lately I've been thinking about our relationship and where we are going, and it's made me think that our relationship is very different than most I've read on reddit or others I know. Jess is a terrific girlfriend, of course she isn't perfect but she's great, so why do I feel like I don't love her and our relationship is a waste of both our time? We have never really had a verbal fight, we also have never really sat down and talked about our problems and what's bothering us. She is very submissive for lack of a better word, she will never argue her point on things. Even when she is right. I dislike my job and I've always wanted to apply for the defence force, it's something I feel I really want to do. But that means I'll be in another state for my training. And I can't see us working out long distance because I've never believed they work. She wants four kids, I want none. She wants to buy a house, I could never see myself with having that much debt. All these important issues, and in two years we haven't spoken about them, i tell her I love her, but the thing is, I don't know what love is, yeah sure I care a lot about her but I couldn't describe what love is and if I'm feeling it. I think I'm a very strange person to feel this way. With sex she isn't very interested, we might have sex once a fortnight, I stopped asking because she was pretty mean how she'd reject me so I just accept it when I get it, that's only one of her very few flaws. I also think if I ever did break up with her she'd act like it's the end of the world, where as I would be sad but know we both would find someone more compatible. So should I talk to her immediately and work out where we can go from here? And am I different in feeling this way? Sorry if this is confusing I'm typing as I think.
TL;DR: | myself and SO have never seriously communicated in 2 years, and we both have very different future goals, not sure what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I (24F) start getting over a crush when I have to spend almost all my time with them (25M)? (0 years)
POST: My boyfriend (24M) and I of three years are starting to explore polyamory. I had come out to my best friend about it, and he seemed generally supportive. When I asked him out on a date though, he wasn't interested in being in a poly relationship. More power to him for knowing what he wants. Unfortunately, I'm left with this icky feeling all the time (exacerbated, I think, by the fact that the feelings are mutual, but since he's not interested in being in a relationship he's casually dating).
Normally, I would just slink off and lick my wounds. (Probably. I've been out of the dating game for a long time.) But, he and I are in the same academic program. Taking all the same courses. In the same group projects. And my friend group overlaps heavily with his, since we're all in the same. Program. Day. In. And. Day. Out. Which means both that I don't have any impartial listeners, and that we're often hanging out outside of school. Any advice as to how to expedite this healing process? 'Cause it really 'effin hurts.
TL;DR: | Have a crush and was turned down by my BFF, who is in close proximity to me all day due to classes. Any suggestions for healing besides distance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [28F] with my boyfriend [30] of 5 years. I feel like I'm compromising so much on where to live and he isn't at all. Are we incompatible?
POST: I moved to a college town to be with my boyfriend 2 years ago. He knew that I really didn't like this town and was just planning to be here short term while he job hunted. He found a long term job here and now we're house hunting.
I've come around to the idea of living here. While I'd still much prefer somewhere closer to a city I think I could be happy here. I feel that since it's a compromise for me to live in this town I should get a big say in where we buy a home here. He wants a bunch of land and has a boat so whenever I find somewhere in an actual neighborhood he says the lot is too small. I also thought living in or near the downtown would be a nice compromise- I would get a bit of the city feel being able to walk places and he'd still be in the town he got the job in.
This house hunting has put a lot of stress on our relationship and it makes me question our compatibility. I know compromise is needed but I'm already doing that. This is my first relationship but I'm starting to notice other things I don't want in a life partner- never saying please at restaurants, not holding doors for others, often on his phone/computer games during our conversations etc, a somewhat selfish/ insensitive outlook on a lot of things. No one is perfect though- so I don't know if I'm being too picky. I want him to be happy but don't think I should have to give up so much of what I want/need. Any suggestions?
TL;DR: | I'm compromising on living location, but now he wants a bunch of land and I won't be happy in rural environment. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 F] with my best-friend [25 F] since childhood, keeps telling me I don't understand her struggles; I'm not sure how to respond
POST: My friend and I have had different childhoods growing up. My life has been drama free (went to college, left debt free, went to med school, no major relationship problems). My friend has had it more difficult with a dead beat father, college debt, not much support from parents in med school, and major relationship struggles with men.
Recently, we've started rooming together, and her financial aid hasn't been able to come through. So I started covering for her part of rent, electricity etc. until she can pay me back later. However, there are times when she gets irritated with me and has called me spoiled (all started after we moved in together). She keeps saying "I don't understand the hustle/struggle," and it's in a tone where she's getting riled up/angry with me. For example, another student was talking about his life (no difficulties discussed). After the conversation, she told me he didn't know what life was. I said, "But some of us can't relate because we didn't go through those struggles." She started getting riled up saying, "No, you don't know the struggle," over and over again.
I'm never sure what to say. It feels like she's attacking me, and I feel like her life isn't that bad. She's in med school; she has a roof over her head, food on the table, and healthy parents. Maybe I need to sympathize more? Be more empathetic? But I've seen patients who are far off worse, who I feel have the right to say to me "I don't understand what they've been through."
The medical answer would be "I'm sorry your life has been difficult, and I can't imagine what you've been through." But it's hard for me to say because I feel like I'm being attacked for doing nothing.
TL;DR: | Friend with a harder life than mine keeps saying to me "I don't understand the hustle/struggle," in an angry tone. Unsure of how to respond. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [28F] know whether I need to become more feminine?
POST: I am single for the last four years with occasional short relationships. I'd like to start dating someone but only someone I like. I don't mind and even enjoy living on my own as long as it takes to find a guy whom I enjoy being next to.
I was talking with a friend [29M] and he told me I am not feminine enough. I disagree, because I think I am quite pretty, sexy, smart and am an interesting girl. But it's difficult to judge without seeing myself the way others see me.
It's also difficult not to think that something is wrong with you when, for example, a guy you like, does not like you in return.
TL;DR: | How do I identify, whether or not I need to become more feminine? And if I do need to, then how to become more feminine? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I need advice about trying to hook up with an ex
POST: This is a throw away account.
I want to try and hook back up with my ex girlfriend. It wasn't a bad break up and I was told it was becuase we never spent enough time together. She was right, if we saw each other twice in one week it was a good week.
I can still remember the last night we spent together. I went home to go to bed (yeah, I'm an idiot). I remember the way she said "your leaving?" and now that I look back on it I can tell she was hurt and frustrated from her tone. I'd be willing to bet that she decided then that our relationship wasn't working out. Two days later she dumped me.
It's been a while since then and we're both single. I want to try and date her again but I'm not sure how to go about doing this. I'm a very straight forward person and my idea would be just to show up at her place and ask her on a date, but I was hopping for a little advice on not how to blindside her.
TL;DR: | I've been broken up with a girl for a while and want to ask her on a date but I don't want to completely surprise her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [21m] am a relatively recently single dad. I met a girl [23f] who is ridiculously attractive single mom. I'm worried?
POST: So I met a girl through work (she doesn't work with me but our companies do a lot of business near each other) who is like really really beautiful and interesting and for some reason she seems like kind of interested in me? At least in a friendship sense. Like, I'm decent looking but not half as interesting as her. Anyway I have recently come to the conclusion that I shouldn't pursue a relationship until I resolve some personal issues that caused my last one to end. I don't want to miss out on her, but if I mess this up I will be very sad. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance or something.
TL;DR: | I feel like I fucked up my last relationship sorta, afraid if I messed this up I would be really beat up about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [18F] with my boyfriend [18M] of 2 years; I'm very happy with him, but I think I want to break up. Help?
POST: My boyfriend (we'll call him Hunter) and I have been dating since our junior year of high school. Our relationship isn't perfect, but we've generally been very happy being with one another; we have a ridiculous amount of things in common, we support each other and always encourage the other to pursue goals and passions. We don't often fight, and when we do, it's normally resolved in a day or so. We're always chatting and making jokes, and if we're ever quiet (which is very rare) it's one of the most comfortable silences I've ever known. I love him so very much... so I can't understand why I've been thinking about breaking up with him.
Next week, Hunter will be going to technical college to pursue engineering. I'll be going to university to pursue Biomechanics, four hours away. I'm very excited for college, I want to experience the lifestyle entirely, but as horribly shallow as this sounds, I don't know if I want to be in a long-distance relationship.
I've only dated two guys in my entire life, one from 8th grade-11th grade, and Hunter from 11th grade to now. I've never gone on casual dates or had a "flirtationship" or anything that wasn't a full commitment. In fact, my going to university may literally be the most freedom I've ever had. I think I would like to try casually dating in college, but I don't know if I can bear the thought of not being with Hunter.
I'm not sure if I should stay in my happy relationship (while being slightly disappointed in myself) or if I should pursue more freedom and leave my wonderful and amazing boyfriend.
TL;DR: | I may want to start college single, but I really don't want to leave my current boyfriend. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I, wife, [22/F] need to divorce husband [26/M] but I have never even broken up with someone before.
POST: [breakups]
My current husband was a rebound... a good looking rebound that I quickly moved in with and married the first time he asked me.
I had every intention of being with him forever, but, I was young, and so much stuff has changed. We have differences we'd never even considered before getting married (do we want kids, house, where should we live, major stuff) and I feel like I'm sacrificing my goals and what I want just to stay with him.
I also cannot forgive him for saying certain things to me. He is admittedly verbally abusive. For this, I do have resent and anger.
Lastly, only recently have I discovered how turned on I am by someone who is intellectual. People always tell me I'm smart but I never listen. Now I'm finding that when I have intellectually stimulating conversations with other men, I feel guilty and wished I was getting that from my husband.
I have told him all of this. All of it.
Now, one of his friends who has a history of dating married women, has just moved back into town. We really get along. He has a Master's and has so much cool stuff to share and teach me. I have not crossed any lines with him but i know I want to and that makes me sad.
Basically, I think I need to initiate the divorce process but I just don't want to break his heart, even though I think we both know it's coming.
TL;DR: | Got married young. I've never even broken up with someone before but I need to figure out how to divorce my husband. (And try not to break his heart) |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [25/m] Depressive gf [19/f] doesn't feel love for me anymore. Don't know what to do
POST: I could use some advice :(
My gf and i are together for 7 months now. We have many happy days together, but her depression is slowly killing our relationship.
We had a chat yesterday and she told me that she doesn't felt love for me for the last two weeks. She had a very hard time the last two weeks because of her depression. Before those two weeks she was happy with me.
Now she thinks she needs time away from me.
I don't know what i am supposed to do. I kind of accepted, that she often doesn't want to or can't have sex or be intimate. I thought it was because of her depression that she can't be arroused. But last night (after our talk) we went to sleep and didn't do anything sexual. In the middle of the night she went to the bathroom and masturbated while i was asleep. That really hurt me. But i know i shouldn't be hurt. I don't know what i am feeling right now.
We decided yesterday that we want to try to give each other a little space. We slept next to each other almost every day for the past 2 months. Now we want to try every second night. Maybe it gets better.
Has anyone some advice how to handle the situation?
I tried to inform myself about her sickness and i ofter read, that it can be normal to loose the love for your partner. But it is only temporal. Has anyone had a depressive partner and can tell me if this is normal?
TL;DR: | gf is depressive and i don't know if she doesn't love me because of her depression or she just doesn't love me anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [22/f] don't know how to deal with my gf's [27/f] bragging without causing drama.
POST: We've both been on reddit for a good three years, at least. Both pretty nerdy, typically have a great relationship (4+ years, props to my matchmaking bff haha), etc. Long story short, she's bi and a lot more experienced than I am. I know she answers stuff on other subs about sexual experiences, which I felt insecure about at first, but past is past so no biggie. But...she like goes out of her way to post the same stories over and over on these topics that repeat once every few weeks. Plus while people fluff up their stories all the time, a) she ignores every opportunity when hit on to tell people she's in a longterm monogamous relationship, and b) some of her posts imply she met up with people behind my back, even though I know it's 90% unlikely.
Everything else in our relationship is fine and I think we've even grown closer in the past few months. I'd like to think I know her pretty well by now, and it honestly seems like she's adding some glitter and scandal to these stories to feel better about herself (which is jacked up in itself, but hey it's reddit). But either she neglected to tell me she met up with old flames, or she's lying to me about dating never coming up in topics... And I hate to be that chick, but I am starting to get uncomfortable, especially when she gets offended at me even remotely questioning her honesty.
TL;DR: | more sexually experienced gf is boosting her ego through stories, some of which are starting to worry me because they imply she's not entirely honest w/me |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me (19M) and my girlfriend (18F) finished high school in June. We've been dating for 6 months and she doesn't feel we have a future together. What do I do?
POST: Me (19M) and my girlfriend of 6 months have been dating ever since high school has finished.
We get along very well, our families get along very well and everyone, including friends and family supports us being together. It's pretty much a perfect relationship.
However, my mom is selling the house and it's time for us to move. We are both looking to move to the city (out from a small town) and go to university, trades, ect. She feels that she isn't ready to move out with me because she just says she isn't ready.
I love her, and we have a few more months together before we need to leave the town in which be both live. She says we should just break up now so we don't "delay the inevitable", and is indecisive.
How can I convince her to stay with me for a few more months? I'm not ready to lose her. How can I convince her to move out with me? I don't know what to do and feel very lost.
TL;DR: | GF and I have to go our separate ways due to POSSIBLE different life paths and I don't want to lose her now, or in the future. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [27M] can't seem to fall in love with any of my partners. What's going on?
POST: I grew up in a stable family, but we have never been the hugs and loving type. We don't say "I love you", and we're often independent of each other on most days minus the occasional go out to eat on a weekend or birthday event. I know this isn't "romantic" love, but thought I'd put this bit in if it says anything about my issues.
I've dated girls since I was 16. Some last a few weeks, some last a year, the longest two years. Overall, I've had about 8 stable relationships of 5 months or more. Most of these coming when I started college.
The problem is, despite unconsciously hugging, kissing, holding hands, and being affectionate, I am not sure if I am ever in love. I've had all my partners at one point or another tell me that they love me, but I have never gotten there. I mean, I go the extra mile for them. In my latest relationship that lasted about 7 months, my ex ended up with a flat tire. She lives about 45 minutes from me, and I drove over and helped change her tire. So it's not like I'm being lazy in the relationships. I make sure to dress well on our dates, keep ourselves busy, while also enjoying their conversations. Everything works.
But in each relationship, I just feel I am not in love. The way they look at me, yearn for me, and are so affectionate with me pales in comparison to what I provide. When I'm not with them, I am not exactly eager to jump on my phone and start a conversation. Sometimes I can go hours upon hours without responding.
But I'm really sick of it. I hate having to break up with a girl, because I just don't see myself in love like they are. It's not like we fought or had radical different beliefs. We got along well, had a lot in common, but something just didn't "click" in my head. I would like to know what's preventing me from falling in love?
TL;DR: | Several successful relationships in the past. However, never fallen in love, and leads to breakup. Tired of not being able to fall in love. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: How can I start my IT Career?
POST: I am a fresh Graduate with my Bachelors of Science in Computer Science and I know that Degree =! Dream Job. I know i have to work my way to the top since I can't think of any network admin that was picked up off the street. I'm sure they all had to start in call centers and such.
My point is, I have about 5 years experience in call center, university office setting, and now a retail job that involves me working with computers and doing light repairs on them. I am not inexperienced but I don't really feel ready for the bigger jobs since excluding my university office job, in all honesty, all I have is just my degree and about a little under a year experience in my field.
I am willing to do anything it takes to get a job in the field that I want and something decent but I don't know where to start. For now I am simply doing coding projects on the side and I was thinking since I know C++, Java, and some HTML from college, I should of uploaded those to github but now that I am out, I have a chance to do it. I was thinking of getting my old projects and uploading those to GitHub but I also want to venture out to other platforms since I know people are looking for people that are willing to learn.
I am for now just applying to jobs and I know that most of them are going to just look at me and reject me but I am still sending my applications in anyways in hopes that someone will at least call me and offer me another position elsewhere that will at least get me started on the right track.
TL;DR: | My question to you reddit, how can I start my IT career with a college degree and about a year's worth of field related experience? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: As humans, should it really be up to us to determine when our beloved pets should die?
POST: [My cat Bear] has cancer in his head. He has a tumor behind his eye and one just above the bridge of his nose. Presumably the cancer has also spread to other parts of his body. Bear stopped eating 6 days ago, but is still drinking a small amount on his own. He mostly sleeps, he still enjoys cuddles with me and my wife and he still likes having his head scratched. He moves around to some extent, but it is diminishing.
He's still getting some enjoyment out of life and it is difficult to know exactly how much or how little pain he is experiencing. Is he just feeling sleepy and sick or is he feeling acutely desperate and pained? I have no way of knowing. At this point, euthanasia is recommended and accepted, but the last couple of days I have been wondering if it's really up to me and my wife to determine when he should die. To take control and say, you're dying today. As much as we know about animals and their behaviors, we don't know everything that they're feeling or experiencing. As for euthanasia, we certainly don't have their consent. As sad as it is, this is Bear's journey and we will all go through it some day.
TL;DR: | My cat is dying of cancer and I don't know if it's ethically my place to say, "today you die." |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: how do I (24) get my boyfriend (20) of almost two years, to open up about what he wants out of our relationship?
POST: My boyfriend will be leaving for basic in
about a week and it's been hard on the
both of us. I just want to know where we
stand and what he wants out of me while
he's gone. I've tried having this conversation several times with him in the past, and have never gotten a straight response. At this point, I've just been guessing what he wants. I offer to be less clingy, to give him space, ect. Most the time he'll tell me that I'm either fine or just reply
with "ok" or that he just wants things to be like they normally are. All I want is to make things with us the best that they can be while he's gone. Whether it's him telling me things he doesn't like that I do, or things that he wish I did more of. I can't change anything if he won't be open with me.
TL;DR: | Boyfriend will be leaving for basic, I can't get him to open up about what he wants out of our relationship |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do I become a better listener?
POST: OK. I've read through some "help I have no friends and my family hates me" type posts and I see a theme about people my age(college) joining clubs and listening to people and reaching out. So I joined come clubs and reached out and I'm trying to listen to people but fuck man it's hard. I try listening but sometimes I'll just zone out. I try to remember people's names but those go in one ear and out the other, too.
I take full responsibility for myself. If I wanted to make friends here I would have, which means that part of me REALLY didn't want to make friends. I was stuck deep in my own head. The good news is that I am changing this. I'm trying to reach out and get along with people, and I'm constantly improving. At the same time there's stuff I gotta work on.
I talk in a self centered way that makes people's eyes glaze and I think I move around in ways that make people uncomfortable or stare at inappropriate times. I don't mind long pauses, but apparently other people do. I'm conscious of the fact that the energy changes in a conversation when the flow is interrupted or dies off, so I'm not totally inept, and I remain eternally optimistic about my ability to improve. I think there's just a general awkwardness about me. Today I was at this club doing a hobby I enjoy-circus type stuff- and just practicing, but I didn't feel connected to the people around me. I wasn't totally putting them off like I used to, so that's some really good news just there, but I felt a little bit out of place. At this point I've learned to just ignore this feeling, but inside I know what it means: I'm probably not gonna be seeing these people outside of club-time.
TL;DR: | I guess what I'm asking is how do I get out of my own way enough to just be a part of the group? |
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