 happened to me on multiple occasions where a family member has just used my credit card to get what they want without my knowledge or even just coming to me and asking, which I count as theft. I have also had to close and open checking accounts on at least three (3) different occasions due to someone gaining access to my account, so I am always suspicious and always check my bank account, sometimes multiple times a day.
How can I approach this to discuss with her so that we can both get our feelings across and understand each other's side? To me it feels like I just have to give her whatever allowance she wants, which leaves me feeling resentful, which I can't stand for obvious reasons. I know I am failing to understand her point of view as I think she is also failing to see mine. As I said, there is, in my opinion, no your money or my money, there is one income in our family unit and it is our income.
I am by no means trying to "control her", she can do whatever she wants, she is a human being. As I said in the above, as far as I am concerned we don't have "our own money", we have a joint account where all the bills get paid from, she used to get the groceries on her own from her checking account when she was working, but now she is working at home, meaning taking care of our child.

A:

You say that money is tight. Do you do all the budgeting on your own or does she get a say? Is it something you decide together or something you handle by yourself? Do you include in your budget an amount for 'personal' use? 
My husband and I also have the view that our money is ours. We discuss our budget and our expenses and decide on things together. This process includes a discussion about what 'personal' money we thought we needed every month. I proposed how much I need for my hobby, he said how much he'd need for his, we discussed what we could afford, and decided on an amount that we'd each get every month. This isn't giving her whatever allowance she wants, this is having a discussion together about your budget and what you can afford, and what 'allowance' you give both of you. 
There are two issues here. One is the financial independence and the other is the budget. You can give her the cash in an envelope at the beginning of every month if you want, no
happened to me on multiple occasions where a family member has barely use my credit card to get what they desire without my knowledge or even just coming to me and ask, which I count as theft. I have besides have to close up and open checking accounts on at least three (3) unlike occasions due to someone gaining entree to my account, so I am constantly leery and always check my bank score, sometimes multiple times a day. 
 How can I approach this to discuss with her so that we can both scram our feelings across and understand each other's side? To me it feels like I barely have to give her whatever allowance she wants, which leaves me feeling resentful, which I can't stand for obvious reasons. I know I am failing to understand her point of view as I think she is also failing to see mine. As I say, there is, in my opinion, no your money or my money, there be one income in our syndicate unit and it is our income. 
 I am by no means trying to " see her ", she can do whatever she wants, she is a human being. As I said in the above, equally far as I am concerned we don't have " our own money ", we have a joint account where all the bills get paid from, she used to get the groceries on her own from her checking account when she was working, but nowadays she is working at dwelling, meaning taking care of our child. 

 A: 

 You say that money is tight. Do you serve all the budgeting on your own or does she get a say? Is it something you decide together or something you handle by yourself? Do you admit in your budget an amount for' personal' consumption? 
 My husband and I also have the scene that our money is ours. We discuss our budget and our expense and decide on things together. This procedure includes a discussion about what' personal' money we think we needed every calendar month. I proposed how much I need for my avocation, he said how much he'd need for his, we discussed what we could afford, and decide on an amount that we'd each get every month. This isn't giving her whatever allowance she wants, this is having a discussion together about your budget and what you can afford, and what' allowance' you yield both of you. 
 There are two issues here. One is the fiscal independence and the other is the budget. You can give her the cash in an envelope at the beginning of every month if you want, no
 haopened to me on multiple occasions wherg q faminy memger has gust used my credit card to jet qhat ukey want without my ynowledge or even jusu coming to me anv asking, which L couut as theft. I haye also had to close and mpdn checking accounts on at least threq (3) diffrrfnt occasions que uo fomekne gaining access to my account, sk I am elways suspiciois and always check my bann acfount, sometimes muptiple timew a qqy.
How can I xpproach this to discuas with her so that we can both get pur feelints acgmss and undxrstanq each other's side? Tm me it feels like I must iave to give her whatever allowance she wanjs, which laares me feeling resentduo, whiwh I can'g stxnd fpr obvioks ceasons. I khow I am fauling to understand hqg point of visw as Y ehink she is also failing to see mine. Av I said, there is, in my opunion, no your money ot my money, there is one income in our family unit and it is our mnzomt.
I am bh nl means trying to "control her", she can do whatqbet xhe wants, she ls a human being. Ax L xwid in the abuve, as fad as I am concernef we dog't hace "our owg momey", we have a joint account where all tke vills get paid frol, she used co get the broceries on her own frum hsr checking account sfen she was workkng, bgt now she is working at hjme, meaniig taling cafe og our shild.

A:

You day tmdt money is tight. Fo yoo do anl the budheting on your own or does she jxt a say? Is ij smmenhing you decice together ow something yoo handle yy youfself? Do yku inclnde in your fudget an amogjt for 'persoial' use? 
Mr huwbane and I xlso have the fiew that our money is ours. We discusx oor budget and our exkebses and decidr ov trijgx emgether. This prozesr incljdes a discmsskon sbout what 'personal' koneg we thought we nerdcd every nonth. I [roposed how kuch I need for my hobbb, he seid hoe moch he'd need for his, we discusssd what wf cjuld afford, wnd eecided on au amount that we'd each get every month. Tiis isn't giving her wharever allowance she eants, this ms havyng a diswussion together aboyt your budget anc what you can afford, and wvat 'aplowance' you give both of you. 
There are two issues here. One is the financual inve[endence ans thr othvr ns che buddet. Bon can give her thv cash in an envelope at the begmnning of avzry month if you want, no
happened to me on multiple occasions where member just used credit card to my or even just to me and which I count as theft. I also had to close and open checking accounts on at least three (3) occasions due to someone gaining access to my account, so I am always and check bank sometimes multiple times a day. How can I approach this to discuss with her so that can both get our feelings across and understand other's side? To me feels like I just have give whatever allowance wants, leaves feeling resentful, which can't stand for obvious reasons. I know I am failing to understand her point of view as think she failing to mine. I there is, in no your money or my money, income in our family unit and it is income. I by no means trying to "control she can do whatever she wants, she is human being. As I said in the above, as far as I am concerned we "our own money", we a joint account all bills paid she used get the groceries on her own from her checking account when was working, but now she is working at home, meaning of child. A: You that money is tight. you all the budgeting on or she Is something decide together or something handle by yourself? Do you in your budget an husband and I also have the view that money is ours. We discuss our budget our expenses and decide on things together. This process includes a discussion what 'personal' thought we needed every month. I proposed how I need for my he said how much he'd need for his, we what could afford, decided on an that we'd each every month. This her whatever she this discussion together about your budget and you afford, and what 'allowance' you both There are two issues here. One is the financial independence and the other is the can give her the in envelope at the beginning of every month if you want, no
 happened to me on multiple occAsions wherE a famIly MemBeR has Just Used my credit caRD to gEt what they want without mY knowLeDGe or EVeN just Coming tO Me AND asKiNg, WhiCh i CoUnt as TheFt. I have Also had to cLosE aNd open checkiNG aCcounts on aT leAst three (3) diffEreNt occaSiOns DUe to sOmeOne gaIning aCCess to My account, So i Am alwaYS suspicIOUs And aLways check my bank aCCoUNt, sometimes mulTiple tImES a DAY.
HoW caN I approach ThIs to dIScuss wiTH hER SO thAT we can both get Our feelings ACroSs and uNdErsTAnd eacH otheR's SIde? to me it feels Like i just have To give HEr whateVEr allowAnce shE waNts, WhicH LeAvEs mE fEEliNG rEseNTfuL, which I cAn'T sTand fOr obVIOUS reaSonS. I knOw I am Failing to undeRstAnd hER poInt of View aS I thInK she iS also fAilinG tO see mine. As I said, TherE is, in my opIniOn, No yOuR moneY Or my moNey, TheRe is one Income iN Our FaMILY uNit and it is our incomE.
I AM By No means tRying tO "CoNtROl her", she CaN do WhatEVEr she WantS, ShE is a humaN being. aS I SaId in the AbOve, as fAr As I Am cOncerNEd we Don't haVe "our own Money", WE have a joint accOUnt where all thE BiLLS gET paiD frOm, she used to Get tHE groCeriES oN heR Own frOm her ChECkINg account when she was WoRking, bUt now She is working aT home, meaniNG TAking carE of oUR cHIld.

A:

You say that Money Is tight. Do yOU do all thE budgEting on yOur own or dOES she get a Say? is iT soMetHINg You decide togeTHEr or SoMething You Handle bY yoUrsElf? do yOu Include in Your budgEt An AmOuNt fOr 'perSOnal' use? 
MY hUsbAnD anD I alsO Have thE view That OuR mONey Is ours. WE DiSCUss oUr BuDget And OuR expeNses ANd dEcide on Things togEthER. ThiS pRoCess incLudes a discussIoN about what 'PeRsoNal' monEY We thoughT we needed every month. I proPOsed how MucH I neeD for My hobby, he SaiD how muCh hE'D need fOr his, wE discUsSed WHAt we cOULd AffOrD, and decideD ON an AmounT tHat wE'd each gEt every month. This isN'T giVing her whatevEr aLlowANCe She WAnTS, thIs IS haVINg a discussion toGether abouT yOUr Budget and wHAt yOu Can affoRd, and whAt 'allOWance' yoU give both Of you. 
TherE aRe twO ISsuEs here. One iS the finaNcial indePEndenCE aNd the OthEr is thE bUdgEt. You Can givE Her The caSh in an EnVelope At the BeGinning oF every month if you want, no
 happened to me on multipl e occasion s whe rea f am ilymemb er has just us e d my  credit card to get wh at th ey want wi thout  my kno w le d g e o rev enju s tcomin g t o me an d asking,whi ch  I count ast he ft. I have  al so had to cl ose  and o pe n c h eckin g a ccoun ts ona t leas t three ( 3) differ e nt occa s i on s du e to someone gain i ng access to my a ccount ,s oI amalw ays suspic io us an d  always ch e c k  my bank account,  sometimesm ult iple t im esa  day.How c an I a pproach thi s to  discusswith h e r so th a t we ca n both  ge t o ur f e el in gsac r oss an d u n der stand ea ch  o ther' s si d e ? To m e i t fe els l ike I just ha veto g i veher w hatev er a ll owanc e shewants ,which leaves me  fee ling rese ntf ul , w hi ch Ic an't s tan d f or obvi ous rea s ons .I k no w I am failing toun d e rs tand her  point of  v i ew as Ith ink  she i s als o fa i li ng to se e mine .  A sI said,  t here i s,  in  my  opin i on,no you r moneyor my money, there i s  one income i n  o u r  f a mily  un it and it i s ou r  inc ome. Iamb y nomeans  t r yi n g to "control her",  s he can  do w hatever she w ants, shei s a humanbein g .A s I said in th e abo ve, as far as I amconce rned wedon't hav e "our own  mo ney ",weh a ve  a joint acco u n t wh er e all t hebills g etpai d f rom ,she usedto get t he  g ro ce rie s onh er own f ro m h er  ch eckin g  accou nt wh en s he  w a s w orking, bu t nowsh eis w ork in g athome ,  me aning t aking car e o f  our  c hi ld.

A: 

You say tha tmoney is t ig ht.  Do yo u do all t he budgeting on your ow n  or doe s s he ge t asay? Is i t s omethi ngy ou dec ide to gethe rors o methi n g  y ouha ndle by yo u r sel f? Do  y ou i ncludein your budget ana mou nt for 'perso nal ' us e ?  Myh us b and  a n d I a lso have the vi ew that ou rm on ey is ours .  We  d iscussour bud get a n d our e xpenses a nd decide  o n th i n gstogether.This pro cess incl u des a di scuss ion  about  w hat  'per sonal' mon ey we  thoug ht  we ne ededev ery mont h. I proposed how muchI need  formyhobby, he  sa i d h ow much h e'dneed for h is,  we  disc uss e d wha t we co uld affor d, a n d decided on  an a mo unt that we ' d eac h get  ev e ry mon th.This isn't giving her whatever a llow a n ceshe want s,  this is havin g a  d i s cussionto gether abou t your b ud g et an d what  you c an affo r d ,a nd wha t 'a llo wance' yo u g iv e  both o fyo u . 
The re a re  two i ssuesh ere. O ne is the financ ial i n d epend e nce  andth e other is t he budget.  You can gi ve her  the  cash  in anen velope  at  t he beginni n g of ever y mon th if y ou  wan t,no
 happened_to me_on multiple occasions where_a family_member_has just_used_my credit card_to get what_they want without my_knowledge or even_just_coming to me and asking, which I count as theft. I have also had_to_close and_open_checking_accounts on at least three_(3) different occasions due to_someone gaining_access to my account, so I am always_suspicious_and always check_my bank account, sometimes multiple times a day.
How can_I approach this to discuss with_her so that_we_can_both get our feelings_across and understand each other's side?_To me it feels like I_just have to give her whatever allowance_she wants, which leaves me feeling_resentful, which I can't stand_for obvious_reasons. I know I am_failing to understand_her point_of view as_I think she is also failing_to see mine._As I said, there is, in_my_opinion, no your_money_or_my money,_there is one_income_in our_family_unit and it is our income.
I_am_by no means trying to "control her",_she can do whatever_she_wants, she is a_human being. As I said_in the above, as far as_I am_concerned we_don't have "our own money", we have a joint account where_all the bills get paid from,_she used to get_the groceries_on_her own from_her_checking account_when she was working, but now she_is working_at home, meaning taking care of_our child.

A:

You say that_money_is tight. Do you do all_the budgeting on your own or_does she get a say?_Is_it_something you decide together or_something you handle by yourself? Do_you include in_your budget an amount for 'personal' use?_
My_husband and I also have the_view_that our money is ours. We_discuss_our_budget and our expenses and_decide on things together. This process_includes a discussion about what 'personal' money we thought_we needed every_month. I proposed how much_I_need_for my hobby, he said how much he'd need for_his, we_discussed what we_could afford, and decided on an amount that we'd each_get every month. This isn't giving her_whatever allowance she wants, this is having a discussion together about_your budget and what you can afford, and_what 'allowance' you give both of you._
There are two issues_here._One is the financial independence and the_other_is_the_budget. You can_give her the_cash in an_envelope at_the beginning of_every month_if you want,_no