GARY, IN—Hailing his totally nonexistent body of work as an “act of pure genius,” literary experts at Indiana University on Monday praised legendary author Anthony Krause, a recluse who has never published a single piece of writing. “From his remote cabin in Indiana, the brilliant Mr. Krause has yet to release a single novel, story, or poem to the public,” said Professor of English Nigel Gould of the secluded literary genius, who famously has never given interviews or publicly spoken about any form of literature in his 75-year-long career. “To keep his identity hidden, Krause supposedly spent most of his life working night and day as an insurance salesman. Even to this day, none of his family or friends even know if he has ever written a single thing at all—the man is a true visionary.” At press time, Gould confirmed that no matter how much the public begs, Krause’s family will not posthumously publish any of his work upon his death.

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