Let’s take stock of where we are at the moment. Not long ago some environmentalists were saying that we should have fewer children to fight climate change. I wonder if Al Gore will send back two of his four kids? Then a few days ago it was suggested we should curtail our dogs and cats because—wait for it—they have too large a carbon pawprint:

Fido and Fluffy Are Ruining the Environment, UCLA Study Says LOS ANGELES, CA — When it comes to global warming, Fido and Fluffy are part of the problem, a new study by UCLA indicates. Most cat or dog lovers would say they can’t imagine living in a world without pets, but as the threat of global warming increases, environmentally conscious pet lovers may need to make some tough choices, according to the study. Pet ownership in the United States creates about 64 million tons of carbon dioxide a year, UCLA researchers found. That’s the equivalent of driving 13.6 million cars for a year. The problem lies with the meat-filled diets of kitties and pooches, according to the study by UCLA geography professor Gregory Okin.

Of course, we might also reduce emissions (of all kinds—heh) significantly if we had fewer professors of geography.

But the prize for this week’s stupid prize goes to PETA, which stands for People Eating Tasty Animals People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Remember P.J. O’Rourke’s great take from 25 years ago about PETA’s anti-meat crusade: “If meat is murder, are eggs rape?” Well guess what?

Why Cheese Is the Most Sexist Thing You Can Eat Can food really be sexist? Yes, when it’s the product of imprisonment, rape, reproductive control, kidnapping, and abuse. Contrary to popular belief, female cows produce milk only when they’re pregnant or nursing. They make milk for the same reason that human women do: to feed their babies. Cows who are imprisoned on dairy farms are forcibly impregnated through artificial insemination again and again on rape racks. Rape racks. All for your milk, cheese, and yogurt. Help end violence, reproductive control, and rape of females of animal species who desperately need us to speak up for them. Try delicious plant-based milk, vegan cheese, and dairy-free yogurt. Our vegan mentors can answer your questions and help you leave sexism off your plate.

“Vegan mentors.” Sounds like more fun than attending a school board meeting.