This week NBC will air an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine titled "He Said, She Said." It will feel a lot like every episode of B99—funny and fast-moving, a snappy half-hour sitcom. But it's special to me because it features the characters of Jake (Andy Samberg) and Amy (Melissa Fumero) investigating a case that deals with the #MeToo movement.

It will also be the first episode of television I directed.

If you follow the news, then you know the show got canceled on Fox last year. All seemed lost, but then a very Hollywood turn of events happened and NBC swooped in to bring us back for another season. That's when a very loud voice in my head said something terrifying: You should ask to direct.

Over the course of working on our sitcom, I’ve had the opportunity to collaborate and work with many directors. The vast majority of them were men, and that’s simply because there are far more men than women in the Directors Guild of America. There are even fewer members of the DGA who are women of color. I started having a very strong feeling that I had a point of view that could add something to the work that was happening on television, that my voice and sensibilities and sensitivities and brain could add something to a show and help tell a story.

But thinking and doing are two different things, and I wondered if I was being ridiculous. What the actual fuck was I thinking?! I’ve never directed a short film, let alone a whole episode of network comedy. I didn’t go to film school. What credentials did I have? Besides, millions of dollars are on the line when directing a TV show. There’s an immense responsibility to deliver an episode that will be extremely funny, fit the vibe of the show, and do it all while keeping the cast happy and the crew from hating you. Oh, and you have to stick to an extremely tight schedule—five days.

Kevin Scanlon

I chickened out.

So I didn’t ask to direct. I was too scared. When the directors for all 13 episodes of season six were announced, I figured I had missed my shot. I’d been on this show for five seasons. I knew Brooklyn Nine-Nine like the back of my hand. I knew the way our show shoots. I knew the characters, the actors, the sets, the history, the quirks. I’d logged more than 100 episodes working with, watching, and learning from the best episodic television directors. I’d been secretly shadowing each of them for the last few years, using my time on set as a master class in directing. Deep down I knew that I could direct, except now I had blown my chance and wouldn’t get another one. At least not anytime soon.