“I would tell myself to look at my mother’s bravery. She always smiled. Even without her hair. For a woman it’s really difficult to not have hair and eyelashes – you don’t feel like a woman any more. Cancer breaks everything.”

West Ham’s midfielder Kenza Dali has not told her story before. During 12 years of playing in France, including with Lyon and Paris Saint-Germain, she kept quiet about the traumatic circumstances that formed the backdrop to her promising early career.

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Her current club’s decision to support the charity Breast Cancer Now during October, breast cancer awareness month, changed that. A run of pink shirts, which the women’s team wore for their October matches, has sold out, raising close to £20,000. Match-worn shirts will be auctioned too.

It had a big impact on Dali. But it was the visit of Stella Maher, Breast Cancer Care volunteer and survivor, to speak to the team that opened her up.

“That was an incredible moment,” Dali says. “She was so brave to come here and to speak about her cancer. She explained why we were wearing these jerseys. It was a bad memory for me, to be honest. But nobody knows my story, because in France I didn’t want to speak about it.

“I talked to my mother and told her about it. My mother said: ‘Yes, I told you sometimes you have to help. Maybe there is a girl outside who is a fan of you going through the same things and she doesn’t know you have this story. Maybe it can help her.’ She said now it’s behind her so we can talk about it. She’s really proud that she beat this cancer. She said: ‘You have to be proud of my story, not ashamed.’”

It is 12 years since Dali’s mother, Yamina, beat cancer. Two months before her mother’s diagnosis, her brother died aged 21. “It’s a difficult story,” she says. “It’s about gangs. We come from a difficult city [Lyon]. So it was really hard because you don’t have time to … you’ve just lost your brother and after your mother gets cancer, so it’s really hard.

“Sometimes people have a hereditary condition which makes them more likely to get cancer. This was not the case for my mother; nobody in the family had had cancer beforehand. I lost my brother two months before this cancer. It was a shock for my mother and it was like her body had a reaction to the loss of my brother.”

Dali was shielded from the full force of the pain, her older sister bearing the brunt of the disease’s effects. “I never saw my mother without a scarf. She lost her hair but I never saw my mother like this because my big sister always took care of her after the chemotherapy. I never saw my mother sad. I saw my mother really really bad, really weak, because the treatment is really hard. But it was my sister that saw everything and did everything to protect me and my brother.”

Growing up in the suburbs of Lyon was tough on her family. “My father came to France [from Algeria] at 18 years old, he couldn’t speak French and he didn’t know how to read or write. Even now he can’t read or write.”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Kenza Dali in action for West Ham against Arsenal. Photograph: Arfa Griffiths/West Ham United FC via Getty Images

Football offered an outlet. “Sometimes I would just think about my mother and wish it was me instead. When I would say this she would be really angry. But you can’t help it; if you love your mother you wish it was you instead. During this period football was my escape. I had a bad life at that time but when I played football I forgot everything. I needed this barrier.”

Pulling on the pink kit opened up the emotions of the past. It surprised her and the 28-year-old feels closer to the club as a result.

“They share the same values as me, and I can feel it with the coach, with the team. This jersey, it’s like a real family here, because we can share our stories. No one knew my story before. This is the first time I’ve spoken with a journalist about it.”

Dali says she felt at home straight away at West Ham. “English people are so ... nice. That’s really a difference for me – in France we are more shy and more focused on ourselves. Here everyone is open.”

The move might not have happened, though, because the prospect of leaving her family in France was hard. “I don’t want to lose time with them,” she explains. “When you’ve lost one of them, you want to spend all your time with them. Especially with your mother, father, with your corner, because life is short. [I thought:] ‘If I go to England, every day I worry about lost time with my mother and father.’”

Facebook Twitter Pinterest Kenza Dali has permission from West Ham’s manager, Matt Beard, to visit family in France when she needs to. Photograph: Sarah Lee/The Guardian

West Ham’s manager, Matt Beard, knew of her circumstances, though. “He said something really important to me. He said: ‘Kenza, each month if you need to go home, like for a few days and miss two trainings, say: ‘Matt, I need it,’ and go to your family, take your time and come back 100%.’”

Beard can empathise, having moved between London, Liverpool and Boston during his managerial career, with a young family in tow. “When he said that, I said: ‘OK, Matt, I’m with you. Now we can sign.’”

Joining West Ham has seen her recalled by France for their next friendlies after she missed out on the chance of a place in their World Cup squad by breaking a toe when dropping an iron on it. Although that was “devastating”, she is reflective about football and prefers to look at how it has transformed her life and that of her family.

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“I was able to buy a flat for my family. We did not have too bad a life – there was worse than ours, there was better than ours – but I was happy in my childhood. But now, yes, we can enjoy things. It was funny when I signed with Nike. Before we didn’t have money to pay for shoes, and now I can get them for free. I give my shoes to my brother, my sister, my cousins for free. This is for you. Thanks to football.

“You get to live with your passion. That’s incredible. You start at the bottom with nothing, just playing football in your street, and now you are here in England.”

Running out at the London Stadium has been a highlight. “When we played against Tottenham there you think: ‘Who would have thought I would be here?’ The London Stadium in England, in London. Now you live in London. You’ve come from a difficult part of France, with gangs, with everything so hard. You have to help your parents with letters, to write everything at 10-12 years old and now you live in London. You have a good life with a good club, you play football, everything is beautiful.”