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Pope Francis To Work Midnight Shift At McDonald’s to Help The Poor

ROME––The new Holy Father, after paying his hotel bill the day of his election to “give an example to priests,” has decided to submit an application to work the midnight shift at the McDonald’s on Via Del Corso in order to “make a few extra clams” to give to the poor. “My children, as St. Paul reminded the Thessalonians: ‘For you remember our labor and toil, brethren; we worked night and day, that we might not burden any of you, while we preached to you the gospel of God.’ I also, taking his example, wish to toil, in order to raise funds for a new couch that this one guy really needs.” The manager at the McDonald’s, who reviewed the Holy Father’s application, stated that the Pope was, “ridiculously overqualified” for the job, but added, “but like, he’s the Pope. How exactly do you say no to him?” At press time, His Holiness was reportedly selling three Big Macs to Cardinal Sandri of the Congregation for the Eastern Churches, and then proceeding to kneel and ask for his blessing.