Ok, to start with…No, no you are not.

I’ve known quite a few males who have uttered this statement to me when they find out they are having a baby. “We are pregnant!!”. I have been genuinely happy for them. However, the happiness is always tinged by a touch of revulsion at the statement. I can definitely say that I feel happier for other people who have chosen the far less emasculating “We’re having a baby” or, “My wife is pregnant!”.

I don’t know why this statement fills me with disgust. I’d say I like hearing that statement as much as I’d like to hear the words “Administer rectally” from my doctor. I’m fairly certain that these same men don’t go around proclaiming “We are having our period” or “We’re staying in to watch Lifetime tonight”. Well, maybe some of my friends would say that last one.

To be honest it sort of feels like they are stealing some of the thunder from the woman who is actually pregnant. They are the ones who are about to go through the ordeal of pregnancy and need to cope with the myriad of issues involved with it. Physical and emotional changes, keeping track of what’s happening to ensure good health, hot/cold/hot/ super hot flashes, potentially becoming suddenly allergic to foods (shellfish and cooking in my wife’s case), aching backs/feet and the biggest hit…no booze!!! Meanwhile, the worst thing we men have to watch out for is late night food requests (honey, do you know anyplace that serves Moo Shu Pork , venison and Blueberry Brownies at 3 am??) and a touch of the batshit crazies here and there. We can’t go around claiming that we are pregnant because of it! If anything we come out way ahead in so many ways! Just think, no more arguments over who is going to drive home from your friends’ barbeque. 9 months of free designated driver duties!!!!

So, the next time a friend cracks a celebratory beer, smiles broadly and announces “We are pregnant”, I suggest you wind up and punch him directly in his “baby-laden vagina”. Hopefully this will remind him that while he is a major part of this, he is not actually with child.

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This post and photo was reprinted from Life of Dad.