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The great pint glass fiasco, people who pay with cash, a millennial doctor fails to thread the needle just right, Sean makes a horrible confession, kung fu is illegal, the Slamdance rejection letter, Aydin Paladin calls in about a horseshoe theory of stupid, the participants of a Dickhead furry orgy call in, women and their breakup letters, Dame Pesos vs. MyroomRecords, YouTube bans mockery, the r-word, Boomers and their guns, a poly love story, and Destiny is gay; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

There’s nothing like huge embarrassing a failure to put some Cialis back into your boner, and here it is, the failure of the century…at least so far. As I said on the show, my grand pint glass giveaway has turned into a pint glass gaff-away, a one-off presentation and annihilation of the Broken Window Fallacy; do you understand how it works now, Maddox, you stupid fuck?! The busted-ass pint glass phallus-y.

To everyone who has already paid for and received their busted-ass Dick Show pint glasseses, I am sorry! You will be receiving new ones. To everyone who has yet to order, Dick Show pint glasses are still on sale and will ship at the end of January. They will be kiln-fired. They will be knife-proof. They will be death proof!

They will be dishwasher safe. What a fucking mess.

Get your order in now or later and fuck me, but first…

“Some men just want to engage with multiple sex partners “poodling” in their furry suits and inject saline into their balls.”

Is that the line from Batman? I think that was it.

“Some men just want to engage with multiple sex partners “poodling” in their furry suits and inject saline into their balls.”

Because that defies understanding. That’s an activity I cannot understand. Some men want to watch the world burn? Don’t be a retard, Alfred. That’s all men. They all want to burn it down all the time because they have not realized the simple joys around us, like engaging with multiple sex partners “poodling” in their furry suits and injecting saline into their balls and tits.

“Some men just want to argue about loli porn on the Internet all day, Master Wayne.”

Speaking of which, Political Horseshoe Theory states that the left and the right are comparable on their most extreme ends of the spectrum. Both are dumb, book smarts vs. street smarts, which are euphemisms for the opposite. Both are murderous and truthiness and intolerable; Hitler vs. Stalin, Trump vs. AOC, men vs. women. That makes sense. I’m just not sure anyone is on the handle part.

Political Horse Shit Theory has always been more palatable to me. Because it’s not a spectrum making us do these things, it’s a taco; a taco with no center that stretches infinitely in all directions and only consists of fringe sets, but one that can be folded in upon itself when you need to make a point.

The n-word and the r-word are out there somewhere on the taco. Both are fireable offenses now, both are used to describe context and characteristics and not immutability, and both cause people to engage in a form of mass pageantry and stupidity, explaining banalities endlessly to one another, listening to banalities, nodding banally. Adult life is an endless Political Show and Tell where we wait for someone to hit the final note of “If All Those Endearing Young Charms” correctly so we can be done with it.

That’s the song from the Road Runner cartoons, and the handle of the shoe.

You take the political taco, the horse shit, and you fold it in on itself. And then you do it again and again and again until it can’t be folded anymore. Abortion rights and war are the same and taxation and property are theft and self-defense is illegal and everyone is an idiot, except for me.

Mockery is a tool of the stupid and the unsophisticated. A gentleman makes only straightforward arguments that can be easily understood and refuted. Anything else would be uncivilized.

Here is Dame Pesos’ video, wherein he describes how he was callously used by the music industry, chewed up and spat out, his name dragged through the mud and mulched for ratings, and precious money. All in the name of Fatsmas Carols. Terrible!



And here is MyroomRecords’ response.

What’s next for these two? I do not know. Maybe they will sort out their differences on The Killstream.

Dick Pics



Thumbnail that bottles the mind by Kate.



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