My first motorcycle was a 1982 Yamaha. It had a leaky head gasket, broken fuel gage, unstable forks, a front brake that was so weak it was effectively nonexistent, a rear brake that had such a poor assembly I had to push the pedal all the way back in order to engage it, and the bike stalled most every time I rode in the rain (which was often.)

I knew about all of these problems, but I loved riding so much that I endured. I pushed the bike to the side of the road when it broke down in the rain, I counted miles between fuel stops, I gave myself more room to brake.

It was stupid, of course. Looking back (especially now being on a much better bike), I can see that. But at the time, I didn’t realize how bad it was.

I rode the bike for two seasons and towards the tail end it was so unsafe to ride that mechanics (dudes who’d been riding and working on bikes for years) refused to ride it down the block.

I just didn’t see it. I was too close, and didn’t have enough context. I had never been on any other bike. So I just kept riding, enduring, and didn’t know it didn’t have to be this hard.

That’s how it is with these things. Always. We endure more than we have to, and we take blows that should’ve never been ours.

There’s pride in grit.

But there is no pride in enduring for the sake of enduring. There are no bonus points for taking it to the point of harm.

What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger.

But that doesn’t mean you should go around trying to get yourself hurt. And you shouldn’t endure a shitty situation just to get off on the martyrdom of it.

It took me a long time to understand what a healthy relationship looked like — just like it took me a while to realize how bad that bike was, blind to it until I had ridden another — but it’s not something anyone should have to live with forever, or accept as their fate.

But I do believe in building character, and I do think enduring things counts for something.

Sometimes, you have to endure. And sometimes you do have to brush up against a wall to know it’s there.

But that doesn’t mean you have to stay on the ropes to get what you want.

Do not endure from a place of suffering. Do not put yourself at real risk, or take on a darkness you don’t need. Toxicity is never yours to carry.

Endure from a place of strength. Endure from a place of love, and desire, and attraction (over avoidance.) Endure from a place of power and movement, and light at the other end.