It’s Wednesday. And, since September (except over the holidays), that meant that it was Tiny Donkeys day. But when the college term ended, so too did the Tiny Donkeys. So now Wednesdays are a day where burrito tradition falls apart.

And that’s true, unless you’ve got Aidan to motivate you. Aidan decided that burrito Wednesdays would continue, at least during the study period, even if the Tiny Donkeys does not. And so, for dinner today, I ventured out of the quiet and air-conditioned ‘tranquillity’ of the Mechanical Engineering Department computer rooms with S-Dawg to meet Aidan and head off to the hustle and bustle of Tolteca, for our dinner.

And as it turns out, I’m very glad that I did this. I mean, more glad than I am any other time that I get a burrito, because, let’s face it, burritos are freakin’ awesome! I’m particularly glad this time, that I went for a burrito. Not that I ever considered saying no – as soon as Aidan mentioned it, I was raring to go.

The reason that I’m so glad that I went to get a burrito today is simple: I had the single largest burrito that I’ve ever eaten. I’m not even exaggerating when I say that it was easily twice the size of a normal burrito from Tolteca – have a look at the photo. It was so big that it took two members of staff to wrap it. It was so big that the first tortilla broke and the staff had to add a second one around it. My burrito was as heavy as a newborn child.

I suppose that I should explain why my burrito was so big: I got almost everything that I possibly could in my burrito. And when the staff were adding the meat, there was a (very) large chunk that was all stuck together, so that was just added as it was. Between that and the extras that I asked for, this burrito had about the same diameter as my upper leg.

OK, so what I actually got in my burrito was: white rice, stir fried vegetables, barbacoa beef, pinto beans, pico de gallo, sour cream, cheese, guacamole and tortilla chips. In terms of salsa, I went for the hottest salsa on the menu. And so I’ll get to it:

Since I’ve already begun my rant on how large this burrito was, I think I’ll continue that, first. Like I said, it was fucking enormous (and at €7.50, the best value for money for any meal in town that I’ve ever had). I got about two thirds of the way through, and I was satisfyingly full – but I’d paid for it, so I was finishing it. I was beyond full towards the end, and it just seemed to go on forever and ever; it was an infinite burrito (infinito, as Aidan called it). The ingredient portions were enormous, and it’s the first time that I’ve ever seen a burrito double wrapped in tortillas. Since it took two members of staff to wrap it, I stopped the flow of customers for about 5 minutes (sorry!), and ended up being the most full that I’ve ever been after a burrito. Ever. I’m awarding it full marks, but that’s only because it’s not fair to award it anything higher – a 14/10 would be a more fair score, since it was about as big as two 7/10s. (10/10)

As is to be expected from a burrito of this magnitude (‘pop-pop’), this was a soggy and messy burrito. And it was very, very messy – the sogginess wasn’t too bad, it was more watery than I’d have liked, but I reckon that the torn tortilla was more of an issue than the water content. That said, it didn’t fall apart too badly until the end, which is probably thanks to the second tortilla. The distribution of ingredients was pretty good – not far off perfect, in fact. And the crunch from the veg and the tortilla chips was as beautiful as ever. (7/10)

I always struggle to choose between the barbacoa and the carnitas when I’m in Tolteca – both look absolutely fantastic, and taste even better. I reckon that I made the right move going for the barbacoa today, however, because it was moist, tender and had a lovely herbal, spiced flavour, with a slight barbecue hint to it. That said, it was a bit lumpy and stuck together quite badly – meaning that it was slightly difficult to take a bite from the burrito and not drag massive chunks of meat out. (8/10)

The salsa was very enjoyable today; it was nice and hot, with a great smoky flavour to it. It wasn’t overpowering in terms of heat, but rather added and complimented the flavours from everything else. That said, I always find it to be a bit heavy on the tomato flavour – it tends to mask the smokiness just a little bit too much. (8/10)

The rice was absolutely perfect, and (as always) so was the stir fried veg. The cheese was perfectly melted throughout the burrito, and the tortilla chips were (as they always are) a very nice touch of crunch. The guacamole was good – it had the perfect amount of citrus to it – but it could have done with some more salt. The pinto beans were a tad overcooked and a little bit stale – they tasted as though they’d been sitting there for a while. The pico de gallo, which is normally very tasty and refreshing, was a bit bland and watery; it was nearly all gone, so maybe it was just the end of the batch, since it’s normally much better. (8/10)

I’m borderline in a food coma, sitting on my bed drinking a cup of tea now. I kind of hate myself, just for how much food I ate, but I’d be sickened with myself if I couldn’t finish it. I think it was a lose-lose situation for my self-respect! That said, Tolteca have done well out of it, scoring a whopper 41/50, which is the highest score that they have ever managed (and only 4 points off the top spot in Dublin). They are now tied, in fact, for the 5th best burrito that I’ve had in my quest for Dublin’s finest – not something to be ashamed of at all!

Now I think that I’ll lie down, watch some crappy TV and wait for the food coma to kick in. I’ll try to have another burrito before next Wednesday, but we’ll see how the study goes.