I read the financial pages, because they're like science fiction for a freelance writer, and every week someone asks "Should the U.S. be concerned about China?" As if "No, it should just ignore the outside world and Eloi it up forever" were a possible answer. Despite only remembering what money was 30 years ago, China has the second-largest economy on the planet. The U.S. has spent the same amount of time giving China its money in exchange for also giving China its jobs. I'm no economist, which is a relief, because pretty soon describing money in English will be like describing immigration in Navajo.

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I'm going to need to see an entry visa and IQUQ, THAT'S A LOT OF GUNS.

China already owns 8 percent of the U.S. national debt. Which I think means you owe them four states. Or one, if you can convince them to take Texas, which would honestly solve all kinds of problems for both sides and create the world's largest situation comedy.