OVERLAND PARK, KS—Having reportedly developed an increased sense of satisfaction with her body image, career, relationship status, and overall identity in recent months, area woman Katie Baransky came remarkably close to forming a well-adjusted, positive sense of self before rejoining social media Tuesday morning, sources confirmed. “I was thinking I might just get back on Facebook, maybe Instagram, and just casually check in from time to time,” said the 29-year-old woman whose self-esteem was right on the cusp of being healthy and is now mere days away from once again plummeting into a veritable maelstrom of jealousy, neediness, and self-loathing. “I’m just going to use it to keep in touch with friends and see what people are up to. It’s supposed to be a fun little diversion, you know? And that’s what it’s going to be for me this time.” At press time, Baransky was angrily clicking through all 43 pictures in the Facebook wedding album of a person she went to high school with while wondering why no one was “liking” her most recent status update.

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