The No-Hope Express trundles out of Tyneside on Tuesday afternoon, a flotilla of cars and coaches peeling onto the A1, fuelled by petrol and diesel, by Haribos and cans, by whisky decanted into a plastic Coke bottle. We are the 2,000, the desperate and disenfranchised, the daft lads and lasses, the old and cynical, on this work day, this school night, chasing this curse, this joy, this crippling habit. Destination: Ewood Park. Destination: dismay.

Newcastle United are playing away in the FA Cup and Newcastle United have not won away in the FA Cup for 13 years; we slog across the Pennines beneath heavy wings. Since Mike Ashley became Newcastle’s owner in 2007, there have been just five victories in a competition which once defined