I can’t keep up with you young people and your slogans. While you’re all hipping on your slideboards, downing an alcoholic milkshake, and playing TV games on your Playboys, I’m sat here wondering what the bloody hell a “lane strategy game” is. For that is how Eutechnyx describes their freshly announced Warhammer game, Storm Of Vengeance.

Oh, they mean MOBA. Why didn’t they just say MOBA? People don’t like “MOBA”? Okay, I’ll come up with a better name for the genre. They’re called Fast Action Real Time Strategy. My pleasure.

While I’m criticising names, did Storm Of Vengeance come from rolling some naming dice? Alternatives may have been [rolls] Heroes Of Victory, or [rolls] Destiny Of Valour. One more? [rolls] Storm Of Vengeance. Oh gosh, look, see? You can see a PDF of the original 1997 40K details for SoV here.

However, the point here is that there’s to be a 40K MOBA. It takes place during the conflict on Piscina IV, because VIDEOGAMES! Grand Master Belial and Ork Warloard Ghazghkull Thraka are the two mains stars because TABLETOP GAMES! I have now typed as many of these words as my brain is willing to, so now I paste:

“Storm of Vengeance offers the player the chance to command the tenacious defence of the planet with only 100 Dark Angel Space Marines, or attempt it’s annihilation using the cunning of the Ork Waaagh! and their telly-porta technology.”

It’s looking like this is primarily a mobile game, with a PC port thrown in for good measure, and that only makes sense considering the dominance of the PC in the genre. It’s due out early next year, and that’s pretty much all the details we have right now.

And no, I’m not letting “Eutechnyx” go either. They’ve had that ridiculous name since 1996. They were Zeppelin games before, which wasn’t exactly a brilliant choice either. But at least you could say it. Then they were Merit Studios Europe, which is obviously very boring. And then Eutechnyx. I can’t even tell if I’m typing that correctly. Did they have a meeting where they all sat around a table bashing out the least memorable and most difficult to spell company name imaginable? “What about ‘Brutichickslop’?” said one member, absolutely certain he’d nailed it. “No,” said another, “Too pronounceable.”

In other news, when announcing your game, do think to include pictures or video, or people have to think of other things to fill the space.