Frank (front) and Louie (right), a two-faced pussy you can actually trust. I think. 12-year-olds Frank and Louie (or “Frankenlouie” if your ass is too lazy to pause) were just inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the world’s longest-living Janus cat (that’s fancy talk for two-faced pussy). Most Janus cats barely breathe in a couple of set of breaths before they’re off to heaven to two-face it up with the angels, but Frank and Louie have outlived them all.

Frank and Louie were brought into Tufts Veterinary Clinic 12 years ago and the vets were ready to put two tiny gas masks over their noses, but one of the nurses took them in and they’ve all been together ever since. Frank and Louie share one brain and one esophagus, so Frank gets to do all the eating while Louie sits there and silently judges his headmate for being a fat-faced greedy over-eater. It’s what Eddie Cibrian knows as the LeAnn Treatment. But on the bright side, Louie gets to purr out “Meow missed a spot” while Louie licks their co-op asshole to cleanliness.

Here’s a video from the Worcester Telegram of Frankenlouie’s owner talking about her two-faced gift. This is when the crusty ball of bitterness in my chest felt sorry for Frank and Louie. I mean, having to live with a show off bitch of a bird who thinks it’s a regular Parrototti. TORTURE!

Think about this shit. Frank and Louie can meow shit to your face and meow shit behind your back at the same time! Not to mention they can double-team side-eye you from both sides. Frank and Louie are my kind.