Women, I think movies have ruined us. They have warped our sense of reality and realistic expectation. Every rom-com out there is chock-full of grand gestures, romantic fluff, and men that act more like girls. Most of the men in recent films aimed at women are gushing with emotions and are often show husbands or boyfriends that anticipate their woman’s every need.

When this expectation clashes with reality, we often get bitchy, naggy or punitive without even realizing it. If your hubby has been a bit distant lately or seems a little less loving than he used to be, you might need to stop being a bitchy wife.

My disclaimer here is that this works, every time, if you have a good guy. If your husband is a generally decent human being or was when you first married, keep reading. If not, I’m truly and deeply sorry to say that this isn’t going to help you at all. In that case, it may be time to examine why you chose a partner who you knew wasn’t the right fit.

5 Quick Ways to Stop Being a Bitchy Wife:

1. Gratitude – Men thrive on their wife’s encouragement and positive feedback. Tell him ‘thank you’ often. It doesn’t have to be big stuff, thank him for stopping to get butter on his way home from work… instead of thinking ‘God, it’s the least he can do, the store is on his way’.

Let him know you appreciate him watching your favorite movie with you, even though you know it’s not one he loves. Tell him thank you for carrying the bulk of the groceries into the house because you had to get your purse and your cup of coffee.

The more thankful you are, the more often he will rise to the occasion and give you the opportunity to say, “thank you.”

2. Smile – Smile when you’re on the phone with him. Not a crazy-lady smile but even a small curl of you lips affects your tone and way of speaking.

3. Touch – Touch him anytime you get the chance. I don’t want you to be dragging behind him as you cling to his legs here. Put your head on his shoulder or your hand on his thigh when watching Netflix on the couch. Rub his back when he is standing still and you’re walking past. Play with his hair as he’s on the phone. Put a little body language into passing each other in a tight space.

Simple, loving touch is the fastest way to become naturally less bitchy. It produces all kinds of warm, feel-good chemicals in the brain. Even if he doesn’t reciprocate right away, keep at it and he will eventually, without even thinking about it.

4. Remember – You married him for a reason, right? Remember why. Think about the qualities that led you to pick HIM. Make a list and, if you want to go the extra mile, text it to him while he’s at work. Look through old photos of you as a couple if you need inspiration.

5. Point out the good things – Most men show love in different ways than women. Don’t get pissy because he doesn’t get you flowers. Instead, tell him how much you liked the sweet way he interacted with the kids earlier. Tell him how impressed you are that he gets up early every Saturday morning to mow the lawn, regardless of how hard his week was.

“But nothing gets done if I’m not nagging him!” you say.

Not so. Do you really think that if you sat in his lap and asked him sweetly to do something, he would turn you down? Nope, not if you have implemented the five ideas above. If you are consistent in the five ways above to stop being a bitchy wife for just the next two weeks even, you will feel a difference in your relationship.

Your husband will feel more inspired to do what needs to be done, be more engaged at home, and maybe, just maybe, sweep you off your feet every once in a while.

After all, isn’t that what we always wanted in a marriage anyway?