depressed teen
my parents are really strict on me and lately it has become much worse to the point where i have become depressed and crying all the time. i get grounded very easily from things like not finishing my food (for a weekend) to not getting all a&#8217;s on my report (then i get grounded for a whole term and have no tv or phone privileges i addition to not being allowed to go out). i have a sister who is 18 (im almost 16) who is introverted and doesn&#8217;t like going out much and studies and gets excellent grades all the time and i am completely the opposite and my parents don&#8217;t understand that. my family is christian and anything to do with sex is an absolute no-go and sin which i think is hypocritical since my parents lied to us about both being virgins on their wedding night i found proof so i know this for a fact. i once tried to bring it up but my parents reacted so rashly and i got such a shouting out that im to scared to talk to them about anything now. i know that she had a wildish childhood and my dad too and i know they want to protect me but it feels like they are trying to live through me.they have always been strict when it comes to things like going out like i am only allowed to date when im 16 and i wouldn&#8217;t even dare to ask if i could go to a party they even find it a big deal when i go to my best friend&#8217;s house who they have known for 5 years. it started getting bad when i got my first serious boyfriend, after we had been going out for three months he came over (we weren&#8217;t allowed to gout anywhere together and i wasn&#8217;t allowed at his house) and my sister caught us kissing and told my mother who proceeded to chase him out our house and i got grounded and shouted at when i tried to explain she was so mad she wouldn&#8217;t listen to reason and said if we were already kissing after 3 months what would i be doing after another month i tried to explain and even wrote her letters because she refused to listen to me every time i tried to talk to her. then about a week later she found a little sex toy (he gave it to me for my birthday as a joke before we had started going out and i realize its wrong but i took it as a joke) she was looking for something in my room and totally invading my privacy but she didn&#8217;t care and again was so angry she was shaking and wouldn&#8217;t listen to a word i said and forbid me to ever see him again and if they found out i was still talking to him i would be kicked out. then another week after that she found my diary and read it and it said things like i hate my parents and just because they never trusted themselves they don&#8217;t listen 2 me and how i wish i could understand their twisted minds and how i would probably sleep with my boyfriend just to show them that the more they try protect me the more they pushing me to do things they hate. she read it and told my father and he kicked me out the house but then h came back to fetch me. they threw me into the whole church scene which i was so out of it and messed up i just went along with it. i broke up with my boyfriend but he told me he would go through all this to be with me. we have been seeing each other secretly at shopping centers but i just don&#8217;t know how to deal with this. my parents don&#8217;t talk to me then they do then they don&#8217;t im not even allowed to walk around my block with my dogs. i know they have no reason to trust me but i wish i could make them see how much my boyfriend means to me and he has stayed with me for 8 months after this hole ordeal despite me telling him he can do better and be with other girls. i don&#8217;t know what to do because my sister even though she is older tells on me all the time for stupid things like not eating all my food at dinner or if i am mean to her about what she did to me. my parents refuse to listen to me and only listen to her and it feels like i am something they love but they try protect me so fiercely that it comes off harsh and unfeeling. i have tried everything from having my aunts try reason with them to writing them letters but nothing works. i try so hard to earn their trust and have in turn lost my personality i used to be such a happy person who loved nothing more than having fun and just being with my friends and boyfriend and now i just stay at home all day and i cry all the time and have completely lost my desire to see anyone. it has come to a point where i want to kill myself or even just pass out from to many pills just to make them see. what should i do because i do not want it to have to come to that?
hi lg, <br>it&#39;ll be interesting to see ( after the weekend, when most readers will be back ) what other people think of the situation you describe. it sounds as if your parents probably are a bit too strict, but with all they hear and see of the dangers of the world today, one can understand their fears  and its even worse when parents don&#39;t care at all. sometimes they may seem to be hypocritical, when they&#39;re actually trying to get you to avoid mistakes they made. your sister sounds immature and spiteful. what would they think if you said you wanted to see a shrink or counsellor to work on the problems they have identified in your behaviour ? ( that way, it makes it harder for them to object  and indeed these diferent perceptions of what is a "problem") ought to be part of what you&#39;d discuss with a counsellor. be cautious about your overdose idea  apart from the obvious dangers to yourself, it&#39;d surely also give them much sronger grounds for being even stricter, which is the exact opposite of what you want to achieve.
don’t feel guilty. i think a lot of people feel this way at some point after having kids, but no one wants to be honest or talk about it. is it not having time that is making you depressed? or is it the loss of freedom? i am a stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old and went through a lot of the same things you’re describing. i can tell you that it gets easier to find time as baby’s sleep gets more predictable. past that, we wound up “splitting” most weekends. i sleep in on saturday morning, and my husband sleeps in on sunday. after i wake up on saturday, he usually goes to play golf, and i go to the movies or brunch or something on sunday. i wish i could give you a magic answer, but you just have to play around with your time and see what works best for you. the worst thing you can do is let yourself get into a rut. try to talk to your wife openly and honestly about what you’re feeling. A.  You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your daughter has been increasingly isolating herself. Although successful in that she goes to school, her friendship circle is very limited for someone her age. Although it’s not unusual for people to talk through problems or to review their day with themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or their own room, your report that she may be punishing herself by screaming and slapping isn’t typical or okay.


Sometimes our kids can’t tell us what is troubling them so they consciously or unconsciously leave hints around so that we’ll find them. Kids sometimes “accidentally” leave a diary open where we’ll find it or “accidentally” leave a distressing email open on the family computer, for example. It’s their way of sending out a distress signal without having to quite take responsibility for doing so.



I’m guessing your daughter’s lengthy time in the bathroom is something like that. On some level she knows that you will be concerned about a two-hour stay in there.


It’s past time for you to respond to the signal. Find a therapist who specializes in young adults. Ask your doctor for a referral or click on the “Find Help” tab on the PsychCentral homepage. There may also be a behavioral health clinic at her college. Brief the therapist on the phone and ask for some guidance about how to get your daughter to go in. (Sometimes it’s helpful if a parent goes to part of the first session.) 


Then, in a loving way, let your daughter know how concerned you are. Tell her that you know that she is upset and that you want to help. Reassure her that she doesn’t deserve to be punished by herself or by anyone else – no matter what. Insist that she see the counselor. Tell her you are willing to go with her. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Stay in that loving, concerned place.


[Parenting](https://psychcentral.com/lib/category/parenting/) doesn’t end because a child is at the age to start leaving home. We all have to figure out when to let go and when to still pull the “parent card.” In this situation, your daughter is telling you without words that she needs you to be a mom. Please follow through. She sounds like she really needs help.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Daughter Talks to Herself A.Thank you for writing. I’m sure this is hard to live with. I think you keep having the fantasies because at some point they worked for you. You are a sensitive young woman who has a strong moral compass.

In 7th grade, you knew you had done something wrong and earned the reprimand. But, being you, you couldn’t let it go. You felt so bad about it that you went over it and over it. Crying may have relieved some of the intense feelings of shame and perhaps anger that went with thinking about what happened. If it had stopped there, it would have been an unfortunate reaction to a very usual piece of mischief that kids do.

But being as concerned as you are with right and wrong, any time since then that you have felt accused or reprimanded, it has reminded you of that first time when you were not only wrong but humiliated for it. Your unconscious self then also remembered that crying gave you some relief.

I suspect the “lesson” generalized and you started to cry any time you needed relief from stress. Stress just comes with being a teen so there was probably reason to look for some relief every day. But then you end up feeling bad that you feel bad. That must feel terrible!

Unfortunately, your reaction has become a kind of bad habit. Having practiced it for years, feeling sick or crying is an automatic response to stress.

You need some new ways to handle stress and shame. Maybe you can figure it out yourself but you would probably benefit from seeing a therapist who could give you some new tools and help you practice them. I hope you will consider seeing a licensed therapist to help you with this so you can go forward into adult life with less distressing ways for relieving anxieties and stress.

I wish you well

Dr. Marie

Why Do I Have Abusive Thoughts? A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone @a myfibroteam member 

how nice of you to say that. i, like many others, have asked god why? why am i the one who has this painful, incurable illness? why am i the one with major depressive disorder? why am i the one that was sexually assaulted so many times? why am i the one who has had to take care of my sister’s children, help them pay for their educations, and support them as they navigate the waters of this crazy world we live in? why me? i made a conscious decision a few years ago, when my lifelong emotional scares got out of control, that i would make one of the answers to those questions be “to help others navigate through this thing called life”. if i can help just one person feel less alone, or like someone cares, or like there is hope after all i will have succeed at life. if i can help just one person fight back instead of giving in my life has a purpose. as a result, this normally very private person has gradually learned to be very open. i am not ashamed of the things that happened...disappointed or angry yes but not ashamed. i talk openly about how major depressive disorder has affected my life and how i’ve been able to come to terms with it. i talk openly about close brushes with suicide and what worked to get me back to a better place mentally. i talk a little less openly about the impact sexual assault had on every aspect of my life (that one is harder because i’m still working on some of the emotions and reactions around it). i talk openly about the changes i’m having to make as fibromyalgia makes itself more and more obvious in me. i’m not perfect. i still get angry and upset. i still get frustrated. i still feel hopeless sometimes. i feel all the negative emotions everyone else does but if i can help just one person, i will have a reason for all i’ve gone through. perhaps people on this site are that reason. it is my deepest hope that others don’t have to suffer as i have but, if they have, i want to use my god-given caregiver heart to help them through. 

may god bless and keep you. 

shirley i found out she had sex with another guy and confronted her. she cried and said she was sorry and said she was devastated that she hurt me. we worked on it for four months, during which time i said that i wanted all the facts. everything. don't hold back. i needed the truth to move on from the lies. i told her that it wasn't so much the actual sex that ate away at me. it was the lies and cover ups that shattered my trust. she said she would do that and anything else i needed. well, she had said she only hooked up with him three times and that it was mostly just companionship while i was long distance. (smh at how stupid i was.) then i found out that it was a four month affair. sleepovers multiple times a week. dates and picnics. pdas. going to the gym. going to his baseball games. cooking together. playing house. and unprotected sex with him while she was having unprotected sex with me. all her friends knew. and the ultimate infidelity is that she really was grooming him to be her boyfriend without ever telling him she was dating me. she lied to both of us. that's when i realized that she was never was truly sorry for doing something wrong. because she didn't see it as wrong. just exploring her options. she was only sorry she got caught. but, like an idiot, i tried for another four months. i was blinded by love and lust and the connection we had. finally i just realized that, even though i loved so much about her, she was not the one for me. trust is absolutely the foundational requirement for a healthy relationship. without it, there is nothing. First of all, you can't fight for a relationship your partner is not ready to protect. He's given it up and you fighting for it is completely useless at the moment..   
  
I understand what he's going through because my culture is strict since I'm Arab. So I undersyand how stressed and pressured he must feel for disobeying his parents. I bet he feels guilty enough for changing his religion, so having a girlfriend makes him feel even more guilty.   
  
If he chose to leave the relationship although he truly loved you then he has a good reason for it. I imagine he doesn't want you to have a bad future with him where his parents won't ever approve of your relationship, And he wants to avoid that family drama for your and his own good.   
  
U can have one last talk to him and tell him to rethink it because to be honest, right now this relationship depends solely on him. And I think he might have been really influenced by his parents so he made a rushed decision, maybe a wise one, but still rushed. If he takes his time he might change his mind. no they are not right. if you are happy with the choices that you choose to make then who are they to try to judge you for that? you're trying your best at least from what i'm hearing and seeing to live a godly lifestyle, and they want to tell you how you're making a mistake? how about all the mistakes that they more likely made? are they married with children? or are they hopping from one girl to another girl regardless if it's a relationship casual or not and they just want to see you and them just like them? ignore the naysayers, and stay away from people that are not benefiting your life. they just want to see you screwed up because they don't like the fact that you're doing what you got to do, and they're not really focusing on what they need to do. they don't need to accept the fact that you are living the life the way you know you need to live it. if they don't like it because it makes them feel like they're not doing something? well then that's their business.personally they just sound messed up, and i just want you to be miserable like they are. you already said that you are happy, at least i believe you're content with that. it's not perfect but you're still content right? that's all that matters. i'm a virgin i never dated, i've never been with anybody at all either. and i have no regrets. i have no regrets because after going through what i went through growing up, seeing how everybody else's relationships are, and you hear what you hear on this site even more, it really makes you wonder what is the best decision for you. the bible says that people will have troubles in this life. especially when they are married, or these days having sexual relationships. this is what people want, this is what they desire, so they get what they desire. it may not be what they claim they want, but they're forgetting that every thing is a choice, and every choice has its consequences. in the end people just want the benefits and not having to deal with what they got to go through. but i'm pretty sure you're mature enough to understand this already. so regardless to what you can't allow them to try to dictate what you choose to do in your life, and if you know they're going to be bad influences anyway then you're not doing yourself a big favor by listening to them. don't be discouraged by them. whenever it is that you decide to do regardless of what people say, especially when it comes down to dating or whatever, that's a choice that you personally have to make. nobody else can make that choice for you except you and god himself. okay? understand that. i believe you're going on the right path regarding to doing what is right. and i believe that god will cover and protect you. i hear you and feel so sorry for you that it's not working out as you want... i hear you actually you're like a dear friend of mine...but i can't help but point out a few points. seriously, listen up i'm not trying to judge you or anything.. belive me. but you know it's so uncool of you to say that you've been used, since you both agreed to have sex, come on.. we're grown ups not underage girls.. how the heck the 'being used' part come from?(actually that kind of attitude might have freaked him out i think..) and also i don't really see what he has done wrong so far if it was clear you two were just friends with benefits. i mean seriously, he's not your boyfriend, and you're acting like as if he is.. but you know.. i completely understand that you're having hard time with your ex. you liked him so sweet and listened to you.. trying to understand what you're going throw.. your bf's hurting you, it's because i see girls who suffer from bad relationship and honestly? if he's no good for you and he's hurting you and if another guy help you get out of that deep hell, go for it(im selfish i know, sorry). but you aren't happy, because you found a wrong guy(not that he's wrong, it's just he is not a guy who can give you what you need and want) that made it clear that it was just sex, and you two are kinda friends(well you claim) which is fine. but you want him to be there for you, and be only with you no other girls. don't you see? why he's leaving you?how to change his mind.. honestly? after all these? that you freaked him out and you broke the rule of friends with benefits which is called 'feelings' with it's best friend 'jealousy', you were cheating on your boyfriend, and you said all your relationship with other guy? i don't see any possibilities(girls! don't you think it's a little bit unfair that to say i wanna be who i am , asking guys to be some kind of knights? ... )i hope you find another new sencere sweet boyfriend, i really do. but right now.. i really hate to say it but you and him? i don't think it's gonna happen. i'm so sorry... i think i haven't been any helpful but all mean words.. but i have dear friend who is going throw what you're going through...(at least it seems like to me..). and i really really hope you the best... really... a big hug.. find a guy who can give you want you want.. who can love you.. really..you be the dreamy girl... not despressed lonely girl... then right guy will come out..! Honestly I get really worried about it when its myself, but if its another girl (in which case they usually panic or start laughing while apologizing) ill laugh with them or tell them its fine. My parents and brother joke about my dad and my brothers gas a lot, but when its me, they react in a completely different way. Sometimes I feel like girls are just expected to not pass gas?