How to deal with a boyfriend’s insensitive remarks about other women, esp when he won’t apologize?



 I’m in a newly agreed upon monogamous relationship with a guy 11 years younger than me (51/40). Last week he introduced me to his friends, adding the label, “my girlfriend.” I’m that type of sexy, normally confident* older woman so many younger men pursue. Yesterday my confidence was rattled & it’s because of his comments & subsequent lack of accountability, and I’m now on the verge of ending things with him. Here’s what happened: after he asked me about my day, I sent him pics of me & girlfriends at a festival (he was out of town for the day). He immediately commented about 1 friend in particular. Not 1, but three (3) separate comments about her, specifically. He even asked her name. Then he added a ridiculous ❤️ emoji to 1 photo that she was prominent in. ( I also sent him 2 selfies. This entire time he made zero comments about me, his supposed girlfriend, nor did he compliment me.) This bothered & hurt me to the point that I asked my 3 friends if I was being insecure. They all were like, “wow, that’s really rude, insensitive, you’re his new girlfriend, etc” So when I called him on it, he repeatedly refused to apologize & instead told me I was overreacting & that my “theatrics aren’t cool.” This is a man who when we initially started dating liked to brag about his “playboy status” & how much other women loved him. So instead of getting together as planned last night, I told him he could resume his Playboy status & go about his merry insensitive way. Only then did he semi-apologize & then laid it on thick on how much he likes me. I told him to never ever comment about other women in my presence, unless I ask. I then told him I am taking a couple days “off” to reconsider our relationship. So my QU is multi-fold: am I overreacting? should this be a red flag? Should I cut my losses & run now, or give him the benefit of the doubt & just consider his comments as moronic as they appear?
I think when he said he was a playboy he might not have been lying. He might just not be mature even though he's 40 and while he might be good with monogamous he might not be into having a serious relationship. I tend to attract younger men too. It hasn't been really anything I openly pursued I just look younger on a good day. I haven't gone out with any younger because the men who seemed interested fell just below the 40 year mark or I think they were younger than 40. It's hard to tell sometimes
your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life. your former friend is a toxic hypocrite. stay away from her. we all have our drama queen moments, but she's out of control at this point. she's not some 17 or 18 year old kid, she's a grown woman. if she feels that you were mistreating her in the past, she has a right to be upset, but she should talk to you about it in a mature and calm manner, not attack you about it now. but really, she's being hypocritical about mistreatment, when she's been the one embarrassing you in front of other people. i recommend that you continue to go on a separate course. you haven't spoken in a month, it seems that she's moving on with her life, move on with yours. every friendship has struggles, but for her to constantly attack you at this age is just dumb. you don't need that kind of stress. best of luck to you 😊 A. It is not uncommon for people to have had a few intimate relationships by their late 20s. My guess is that you being a virgin and her having had experience in relationships is at the root of your concern. It is hard to imagine something we have not experienced.

That having been said it is important to note that at this stage of life it is unlikely that you will meet anyone that has not had a past romantic relationship. I would focus on the here and now you have with her. Here is what you have said:

1. She has stopped contact with others. This is a very good sign of her intention and commitment.
2. She has described her relationships in a way that makes sense – meaning that she was not in love and maintained them because she wanted options.
3. Her relationship with you has changed her thoughts and feelings about herself and what she wants.

Taken together this would seem to be a good indication of her commitment and willingness to be a partner with you. Your relationship is new, and this will mean that as you grow together these concerns are likely to take a back seat. Meditation may be an excellent way for you to modulate your feelings and angst about the situation. Over time her commitment to you will dispel these concerns.

Wishing you patience and peace,  
 *Dr. Dan*  
 [*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)

Issue with Girlfriend’s Past you do nothing. 

but you could advise your bf to tell his aunt that he is uncomfortable with the information she is telling him and that he would appriciate it if she stoped.

your bf has to do something about it, not you. He works for a private defense contractor, and the state!?


Why would his employers be the slightest bit interested in a squabble between exes? 


More importantly, why are you interested, and why would this person's employers have give you the time of day? From what you say here, you have no evidence nothing but idle gossip and unsubstantiated accusations.


Best if you stay out of it and mind your own business--that way you do not become involved in something you have no business being involved with.


Let your friend take appropriate steps with the authorities or with the website owners themselves to secure his/her social networking access. there is surely no reason at all why a friend of your mom&#39;s, who is not a friend of yours, should visit you or take any particular interest in your baby. simply talk calmly to your mom, and explain that while you tolerated this woman at the shower and wedding, you don&#39;t like the woman and do not want her to visit you. your mother ought to udnerstand this. r3emind her that this is your house, your home and your baby, and your privacy must be respected rather than the idle curiosity of this other woman. that sort of person pushes up the social tree exactly because they are insensitive and never take hints well my advice is to quit the fraternity/sorority immediately. take some english classes and learn to write. and stop letting some childish little club dictate who you can have a relationship with. have him quit too. if he won't forget him and move on. sorry i dont think she likes you. she is just using you to boost her confidence and make it seem like she has lots of guys under her wing. maybe she is trying to make another guy jealous. :-/ anywayz i could be wrong so gl. We girls--another sister and I--had a conversation about this. You mean, in regards to a lady removing sacred clothing in order dress in a provocative manner for her husband, for an intimate encounter?   

  

The other sister told me "absolutely!" She told me it was no different than being completely undressed for intimacy (which usually follows, anyway.) As long as it is only for the duration of that encounter. I had no feeling on the subject yet because I was not married at the time and therefore had no occasion to worry about this. But I pretty much agree. I have several sets of nice lingerie myself--only my hubby gets to see it though   

  

Sorry if this info is a little--acute. as with anything, depends on the girl. some like it, some tolerate it, some hate