how to improve social skills?
morning or afternoon!i'm looking for some social skills advice. i'm pretty outgoing and good at making friends, but sometimes in relationships, with friends or even family members, i struggle with being a people pleaser. when i see someone is a bit off, i am very anxious i have said or done something wrong. i am always very concerned with people around me and not upsetting them.this is an issue as 1. it leads me to not being able to stand up for myself or anyone else when i hear something i don't agree with, 2. it can make me become clingy when i really don't want to be. aka when i see someone is upset, i overthink it and run after them, pestering them instead of giving them time. i really stress out that i'm like this, i can't deal with any moments of self doubt.i appreciate all the advice you have, but longer, more helpful answers are appreciated.
can you identify from where in your childhood this people pleasing dynamic stems from?why do you people please?what do you get from it?what might happen if you don't people please?rhetorical questions for self discovery. as my gong fu instructor used to say. 'awareness'. you should watch your inner thought processes and your bodily/feeling reactions, rather than necessarily having to get caught up in them or believing them, or even answering them. once they are watched and the own processes of your consciousness are understood more fully, they will start to lose their grip on you.the other thing worth bearing in mind is people are different in their own moods, feelings, perceptions, their own internal make up - karma - or reaction to things. therefore, they may be reacting in a way that is entirely nothing to do with you. you might also like to watch this video on healthy boundaries if you feel that might be an issue.
Good evening, thanks for asking at HealthReplies.com. Difficult to socialize is actually a problem encountered by many people. Everyone has different personalities and with them, there are people who are easy to socialize and some are very difficult. On the other hand, people who socialize too easily usually find it difficult to find pleasure without the presence of others, and people who tend to be quiet are easier to find calm and excitement in their solitude.



What is clear is the key is that you state that if you already feel close to that person, you will be far more comfortable to socialize and that means there are no abnormalities in yourself, because in the end, you can still socialize even though it takes time to adapt.



Among the things you can do to practice your social skills is to speak in front of a mirror. Pay attention to what might still be fixed from you. Then try to enrich your horizons. Each person has different pleasures and it will be easier for you to start a conversation with someone else if you know a lot of things. Then don't easily feel that you offended others. If you are afraid that what you say offends someone, apologize before expressing it, and then ask if it offends him, because we really will not know how someone feels except by asking. In addition, you should have a friend who can correct you. If you want further, you can also take public speaking classes to practice your skills. And in doing all that, you have to put an understanding in yourself that you want to change, and you want to try, that everything that other people can do, you certainly can too.



Apart from all that, if you still feel you haven't reached the level of personality you want, realize that you don't need to be someone else. Just be the best version of your personality, but you don't need to lose its characteristics. So quiet is not a disorder, and as long as you can still carry out daily activities and have good social relations, even if it's not as easy as some people, it's okay. Accept yourself with all its shortcomings but focus on the strengths. So, hopefully answering your question. some people have not been equipped with the coping or social skills to create and maintain healthy relationships. yet, one can develop social skills by accepting that although a group of people are related by blood, they are not automatically healthy or beneficial for all. 
one can create new, healthy relationships by reshaping their outlook, possibly with the help of therapy, and taking up new hobbies for adults....joining co-ed groups to meet both males and females and not only will this be fun, but this will provide the healthy socialization adults benefit from. some people are introverts, which psychology has adjusted to mean where u get ur energy from. like, an extrovert get energy and life from interacting with lots of people and feels uplifted and empowered by this, whereas introverts can actually be social as well, but prefer limitied amounts as too much interaction makes them feel drained. it does not mean the socially awkard kid who people have only say one word, two years ago, sitting in the basement with no friends. Life is what we make of it, so it is really YOU yourself who give your life a purpose. If you feel you need friends, go out and make friends. If this is difficult for you, look up for ways to make friends. There are many sites that give good tips. If you think you need to pep up your life, go out, get a hobby, try something new, be brave and explore. You will not change your life if you don't try.Ultimately, it is down to you to make the effort to do something about it. Sometimes the best way to feel cared for is to go out there and share your love with people (that's why people who volunteer at old folks' homes, shelters or orphanages find joy in what they do - the more love they give, the more loved they feel).   

  

But having a busy social life and having thousands of friends will not make you happier or less pathetic. Try to rethink your values on what is 'pathetic'. Whose values and perspectives are you basing your assumptions on? Who's to say your life is pathetic? Some people have very few friends and don't go out much and can still enjoy their lives because they acknowledge that they don't need to be part of the crowd to be happy or have fulfilling lives.   

  

Also, if you still have family who give you food and shelter and don't abuse you, it's unfair to say nobody cares. A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone I'm so sorry. This is hard to accept. But sometimes people get to the point that they don't want to socialize. My mother - who was once very social - simply arrived at a point where she only wanted those close to her or the nursing home staff around. She was in a lot of pain which I think was much of it.   
  
If your mother was once social, then you could ask the doctor to experiment with her medications. There may be other options.  
  
However, sometimes we have to accept that these diseases take their course and we can only do so much. Forcing what the person obviously doesn't want isn't helpful.  
  
Offering suggestions - yes - so continue to do that. I'm certain that the AL staff does the same. But you can't make it happen if it's not going to happen. Offer all of the support that you can.  
Take care of yourself, too.  
Carol hi lg, <br>it&#39;ll be interesting to see ( after the weekend, when most readers will be back ) what other people think of the situation you describe. it sounds as if your parents probably are a bit too strict, but with all they hear and see of the dangers of the world today, one can understand their fears  and its even worse when parents don&#39;t care at all. sometimes they may seem to be hypocritical, when they&#39;re actually trying to get you to avoid mistakes they made. your sister sounds immature and spiteful. what would they think if you said you wanted to see a shrink or counsellor to work on the problems they have identified in your behaviour ? ( that way, it makes it harder for them to object  and indeed these diferent perceptions of what is a "problem") ought to be part of what you&#39;d discuss with a counsellor. be cautious about your overdose idea  apart from the obvious dangers to yourself, it&#39;d surely also give them much sronger grounds for being even stricter, which is the exact opposite of what you want to achieve. i know what ur saying! true, you should feel comfortable with your stylist, but some of us just arent that damn social! if this is you, there are a couple options to try out. first, think of some back up conversations to have just in case you find that awkward silence. if you dont wanna do that, bring your ipod (depending on what youre having done). if you cant wear earbuds, start texting random people on your phone or bring a book. or if that seems rude to you, mention right away that either you are tired and apologize in advance for being kinda zombie-ish, or that you feel like crap today but forced yourself outta bed to get to the salon. plus, ya never know... maybe the stylist will be relieved that they dont have to make small talk either! or if they still insist on talking, keep redirecting the attention back to your hair. ask lots of ?. it gives you something to talk about at least!! good luck! don’t feel guilty. i think a lot of people feel this way at some point after having kids, but no one wants to be honest or talk about it. is it not having time that is making you depressed? or is it the loss of freedom? i am a stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old and went through a lot of the same things you’re describing. i can tell you that it gets easier to find time as baby’s sleep gets more predictable. past that, we wound up “splitting” most weekends. i sleep in on saturday morning, and my husband sleeps in on sunday. after i wake up on saturday, he usually goes to play golf, and i go to the movies or brunch or something on sunday. i wish i could give you a magic answer, but you just have to play around with your time and see what works best for you. the worst thing you can do is let yourself get into a rut. try to talk to your wife openly and honestly about what you’re feeling. do you have dry eyes and a really calm disposition?i too fall asleep really easily. i have to drink coffee all the time. i think i should drink more water but i can't seem to do it.breathing problems like what? low breathing?like really calm? thats the only thing i can think of because thats my problem. you can ask others or if you see them, just look at their facial expressions and other body language.  i avoided and ignored a jerk at the gym and the last time i saw him, he didn't even acknowledge me (fortunately).  so i know i either hurt his feelings or made him mad.