my heart is breaking?
did anyone have a full time single mom and a fun weekend dad and know when u grew up that ur mom is the one who took care of u. my biggest fear is being the "bad" parent because i do all the hard parenting alone and never have money to do anything with my son. i work 2 jobs and his dad gets him during weekends when he has activities planned. i can't even take my son to the pumpkin patch for the 1st time even though i brought it up to his dad saying how i wanted to do it and he planned to take him the 1st day the pumpkin patch was open for him to go. i feel like im missing out on so much trying to provide for my son by myself. im drowning and i feel like im having my plans for us taken away.
my own mom was a single mom, and i worshiped the ground that she walked on- i still do.
don’t feel guilty. i think a lot of people feel this way at some point after having kids, but no one wants to be honest or talk about it. is it not having time that is making you depressed? or is it the loss of freedom? i am a stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old and went through a lot of the same things you’re describing. i can tell you that it gets easier to find time as baby’s sleep gets more predictable. past that, we wound up “splitting” most weekends. i sleep in on saturday morning, and my husband sleeps in on sunday. after i wake up on saturday, he usually goes to play golf, and i go to the movies or brunch or something on sunday. i wish i could give you a magic answer, but you just have to play around with your time and see what works best for you. the worst thing you can do is let yourself get into a rut. try to talk to your wife openly and honestly about what you’re feeling. More than likely, you're experiencing Compassion Fatigue which is defined as   
 a condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others, often described as the negative cost of caring. It is sometimes referred to as secondary traumatic stress.  
  
Google it, and take the test online to see if you suffer from it vs. burnout; there is a big difference. Here is an article on the subject:  
  
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compassion-fatigue  
  
Here's a link to the Compassion Fatigue test for helpers:  
  
https://www.michvma.org/resources/Documents/Prof.%20Competencies/2017%20Proceedings/figley%20self%20assessment%202.pdf  
  
Please don't ever think of yourself as a horrible, careless person! We are all human and as such, have our breaking points, especially after care giving for years on end. Don't think of yourself as some being that should be able to handle all that's thrown at you without breaking down........that's not realistic or healthy. Nor is it realistic or healthy for you to be in such a position to be a personal caregiver to a mother who's been so sick for so long. A nursing home is staffed with teams of caregivers who work around the clock precisely so that one or two people don't have to suffer the tremendous burden that you and your father have been suffering. You're only two people doing the job of a large TEAM of people; so it's no wonder you're feeling this way.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in finding peace and joy for yourself amidst the duties you've taken on. part of becoming an adult and having a family of your own is learning how to manage relationships with other people... like your own parents. it can be devastating to have a parent with mental illness, i do understand, my dad lost his battle with mental illness several years ago. however, when you are responsible for a child of your own, you've got to be able to function no matter what else is happening around you. part of that is giving yourself time and space to grieve and to feel what you are feeling rather than trying to stuff it down. find someone to talk to that you can let those tears go with, a counselor... or friend... your husband... even calling a warmline if necessary. the baby will be fine. I would suggest looking for an assisted living or Memory Care program. Sounds like he needs to have a Power of Attorney assigned for finance and also one for health care. Has anyone in the family broached these topics with your father? Unfortunately, you are now in the position of needing to be more proactive in caring for your father, much like your parents did for you when you were a child unable to make decisions for yourself. It sounds like it is time for a family meeting with your siblings, if you have any, or contacting your local Department on Aging to assist you with the activities that need to be done to adequately care for your elderly father. love beats a paid cellphone every time ! and sometimes, though its sad for the firstborn to witness, moms andf even dads may learn something from their mistakes the first time round, and deal with a later child rather better it is natural for a mother and father to bond with their infant unless there is a condition of the mother or infant that interferes such as post partum pain, post partum depression, or a sick newborn. if you have concerns, make them known to your ob or pediatrician. see more... hi, linda! dealing with children's various fears throughout the years can be taxing on mom -- especially when you're talking about something that should be a happy occasion like a family vacation. i think you're wise to plan a disney cruise especially since this one sails from a port driving distance from your home. you can show your son the world without worrying about planes. the benefit you have is that if you book your cruise now, the 8-night bahamas cruise on the disney magic won't sail out of new york city until may. that should give you enough time to test the waters by taking a large boat or ferry ride a few times to see how he does. plus, when my youngest child was that little, he argued with his siblings about our ship even being a ship at all -- he said it was a hotel that went to islands! i suggest going to the planning center on disneycruise.com -- take a look at the online brochure and order the free planning dvd. watch the video podcasts and peruse the site. once you've booked your vacation, schedule a character call, and maybe you can send him a special surprise in the mail from disneystore.com to announce his amazing vacation. i hope this helps, and please let me know if you have more questions. you know where to find me! have a wonderful day and a magical vacation. bon voyage, andi A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me be irritated and raise your concerns. working moms would have more help if men were given more benefits. it's great for everyone. A.  You wouldn’t go to a pediatrician if you had cancer. You wouldn’t go to a kidney specialist if you had heart trouble. All doctors are not alike. Sometimes we have to go to the right specialist to get the help we need. In your case, you need both a psychiatrist and a therapist who work together to get the right care.


The treatment of choice for your problems is a combination of medication and talk [therapy](https://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/). [OCD](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ocd/) and [anxiety](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/anxiety/) disorders can be treated and managed successfully. Generally, patients see their therapist weekly and, after an initial period of weekly visits to get the medication right, they see their psychiatrist every few months. When the two professionals are working in the same practice, they are able to confer with each other easily and work together to give you good care.



I understand that you have been afraid to see a mental health professional because of your grandfather’s experience. But treatments have changed considerably since your grandfather’s time. From the little you shared, I also suspect he had a much different problem.


To find a specialist, ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a practice. You can also go to the “Therapist Locator” on the homepage of PsychCentral.


Please don’t hesitate to make an appointment for an initial session. The clinician will listen to your story and will make suggestions. (Take your letter with you if you want to jump start the conversation.) You are under no obligation to follow through with the treatment plan that is proposed. But I hope you do. You’ve suffered far too long.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


I Have Struggled for Years