Would you consider me a doormat or a good girlfriend?



 Helped my boyfriend when he lost everything,  
Encouraged him to get clean from drugs,  
Defended him when everybody found his lies,  
He left me several times saying he couldn't be in a relationship,  
Lied to me about everything,  
Manipulated me and said it was because of drugs,  
When we back together I tried to please him, played video games with him, sex all the time, cleaned the house, massaged him before bed so he could sleep better...  
 He broke up with me again saying he can't be in a relationship due to his problems... I said I understood and thanked him for the good times. Do I look stupid for doing this?
A real man wouldn't treat you this way. You are not wrong for wanting to do nice things, and be there for someone you love. That is what parters should do for one another. However, you knew this man and who he is as a person and probably knew that he was not capable of making you feel appreciated, and being a good boyfriend. In no way is it your fault for being there for him, as long as you now realize that he wasn't the right person to be there for. He didn't deserve it. And you will find someone who not only deserves it but reciprocates it! Im sorry you were manipulated and used, I've been there, and it sucks. But now we know what we deserve, and need from a partner! This man doesn't respect you, he respects everything you did for him, and is only appreciative of that supply that you gave him. You seem like a kind soul, and you deserve more. Move on and be stronger because of it!
A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me this is a common type of question, in esence, and there is no mystery about how to be helpful  be ubnderstanding, supportive, ask if there is something you can do to help, and above all listen to whatever he may want to discuss about his problems, if and when he wants to talk about it. sounds like you have already been very helpful about arrnaging for him to see a relevant doc, and support groups, etc. maybe he needs to take a bit more initiative about all this, himself ? presumably counselling would help him come to terms better with the divorce and the issues surrounding the children guilt is rarely a useful response after one has recognized that whatever one did was indeed wrong - the valuable response is then to go on and work out why it was wrong, what to learn from it, and how to avoid doing that again. 
<br/>loneliness is tough, and our society isn't kind to lonely people. and the media ( songs, tv, etc., sells to us an image of lerv that few of us achieve and which isn't actually as practical, easy and desirable as they represent it as. at least phone sex, so long as you limit it to that, is safe sex. 
<br/>work on developing friendships, at work, at church, through voluntary work, hobbies, whatever, and be open to the possibility of love when it turns up. 
<br/>
<br/> A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone You know this question could be answered either way. "Yes, he might be", or "no he really cares". Let's assume he likes talking with you and seeing you at the visitation. He likes that you are showing him attention. There is a chance that this relationship can grow beyond where it would have if he was out. Maybe you get to know each other better and he becomes more into you. Life is too short, you have to let this play out.


I'm sure you have great instincts (your inner feeling already knows), you have to trust yourself enough to make the right decision. Give it some time, try not to be too hard on yourself. He might be a rascal and a dirty dog too, but I vote for giving it a try and see how it plays out. You are in control of this relationship and every inmate knows this fact. Since the inmate loses control of what goes on in the outside world and he will often try to keep that control over the phone or letters. Just trust yourself and what you see and feel. even 0bama can't be that corrupt or so i thought. but i looked it up and you are correct. thanks. your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life. have you considered couple counseling? this would help to work on the problems that made you separate to begin with...it sounds like you both still love each other... and perhaps the separation has done the relationship some good, in making you both appreciate each other more... if you really want to know if its for real ask her to go to counseling with you... if shes serious about working on the relationship and getting back together.... she will definitely go! you both need to be more open about your feelings, and take the emotional risk if you want it to work out...best wishes!!!!!!!!! sorry i dont think she likes you. she is just using you to boost her confidence and make it seem like she has lots of guys under her wing. maybe she is trying to make another guy jealous. :-/ anywayz i could be wrong so gl. yeah, break up with her, so then she can find a guy better than you. dude, are you kidding me? that's how relationships are, theres going to be arguments and sometimes theres going to be insecurities, and if you're not smart enough to realize she just actually really cares, then you should break up with her so she has a chance with a guy that will.