wedding - suggestions?
so we just found out that my step daughter who will be 21 is now engaged to be married. she treats both her dad and i horribly and has for several years. her mother emailed me to say she was engaged and that my husband needs to come to terms with the past, move on so he can attend and make the event special for her. 

my husband and i agreed several years ago that regardless of whose child it was that if an invitation was not sent to both of us, in a welcoming manner that we would not attend. no favorites, no excuses, either we were both welcome and wanted or neither of us would go. so now it's upon us and i know they are going to be bothering him about going and i am fully aware that i will not be welcome- if invited these people would do everything possible to make me feel uncomfortable. 

i am also fully aware that they are going to make my husband feel bad if he does not attend or financially contribute to the wedding. my husband has been ill for sometime, i'm already covering just his everyday living expenses- in other words i would be the one paying for him to go and i would be the one paying for the event....i dont' feel i should be involved at all-

is it ok for me to hold him to our original agreement and neither of us go? is it ok for me to just say absolutly not to paying for the trip or contributing to the wedding?

we have a 3 year old and she can't go as this particular daughter threatened to kill her if she ever laid eyes on her.

thoughts?
sounds to me like your husband already chose you over them (which is why the two of you are still together and have a family), so why would he not do the same thing now? if he is considering going, then i would definitely remind him of the agreement that the two of you made. i know that it seems harsh, but a deal is a deal. how would he feel if the situations were reversed? my guess is that he'd have the same response as you are having now.

if his daughter wanted to see him, then she could have done it before now; since she hasn't, it seems to me like this is a convenient way to get some money out of him (while driving a further wedge between the two of you). also, it is not up to him to contribute to the wedding - in my mind, if a couple wants to get married, then it should be done on their own dime (and to hell with tradition).
A. If you are going to marry your fiancé, you will have to tolerate his children and ex-wife. It is unfair and unrealistic to ask him to cut ties with his children no matter how dysfunctional they or his ex-wife may be. He is their father and will likely have some involvement with them for the rest of his life.

You have a decision to make. If you decide to marry him, then accept that his family will be part of your life. If you don’t wish to be involved with his family, then strongly reconsider your decision to get married.

Every decision has consequences. Objectivity and clarity are of paramount importance when making major life decisions. It might be helpful to discuss this decision with a therapist. A therapist could assist you in thinking through what your life would be like with or without him and by extension with or without his family. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Fiancé Kid Issues When He Doesn’t See Kids there is surely no reason at all why a friend of your mom&#39;s, who is not a friend of yours, should visit you or take any particular interest in your baby. simply talk calmly to your mom, and explain that while you tolerated this woman at the shower and wedding, you don&#39;t like the woman and do not want her to visit you. your mother ought to udnerstand this. r3emind her that this is your house, your home and your baby, and your privacy must be respected rather than the idle curiosity of this other woman. that sort of person pushes up the social tree exactly because they are insensitive and never take hints being married for 20 years i find the idea exciting and a major turn on. in fact i find it so hot. a number of years ago my wife went away for a girls weekend twice to a local beach-ie island getaway. we're very open and she told me how she was a bad girl in the party/bar pool. a hot guy was digging her and bought all her drinks. they got really touchy feely in the pool and she enjoyed being grouped and rubbed and grouping rubbing him. she even snuck her hands in his swim shorts and played with him. this action went on for hours. stroking, rubbing, grabbing, making out.when she got home i threw her in bed, made her tell me her all the dirty details, then we had the hottest sex. the next year she went back for the same girls weekend. i basically gave her open permission to do what she wants. i even highly encouraged her to be even more dirty. but she doesn't really have an interest in doing more, so her dirtiness didn't get any more than the first time she was there. nevertheless she came home and we banged hard as she told me the bad things she did do. that is about as wild as things have gotten, mostly because she doesn't have an interest to do more with other guys. however, i would be open to having a very kinky arrangements if she was game. This is the great conundrum. Should I stay or should I go. Ultimately only your heart can answer this. But I would consider balancing on a two sided scale the weight of a casual fuck and a baby 👶 and then the weight of your family broken up divorce and spending the rest of your time seeing your kids half the time or less and likely being raised by another step dad. I'm not suggesting you choose one or the other. I'm merely suggesting you weigh in the reality of both sides and what they mean in the long run. I feel for you because I've been there and know it's very very hard. You will know what you must do but take a little time to think before making rash decisions.   
I wish you the best. And hope whatever happens you will be happier for those decisions you make. 😔 talk to her about it but not in a pressuring way. tell her you want to be with her but you understand and respect her decision. just give her the opportunity to change her mind, but if it's still a no, then just respect that and let it be. Your question is unclear. I would expect your attorney to be empathetic to you. Comforting words and understanding would likely be appropriate, but is not necessary. as a child, my mom divorced. it was horrible, the divorce put us poverty. the man she divorced was a good man. he paid more child support than he had to by law. (i wasn't his biological son)i don't blame my mom as she was mentally wired differently than he.they were both 20 when they married,, long story. plz don't break your relationship... bcoz now u have more responsibilities than before... u have 2 maintain your relationship vth both your hubby and your kid.. treat your hubby also like your baby. give equal importance to both. do wt ever he likes and try to love him more than before. I recently found out that my grandpa did not treat my grandma very kindly. He died about 18 years ago and my grandma died about 7 years ago. Recently I was talking to my dad (who knew about how his dad treated his mom) and found out that how he always put her down and insulted her and my aunt. I guess he wanted a son but was not too pleased when their first child was a daughter and their second child who was a boy was stillborn. I guess he blamed my grandma for that as well. He controlled their money and I guess was just mentally abusive. I remember him being grouchy most of the time but I also remember my grandma being a little grouchy too so I just assumed that’s how they were. I was about 13 when he died. My dad did tell me he was never physically abusive but the whole thing still bothers me. I am told that I take after my other grandpa who would bend over backwards to help people but he died before I was born. any guests under the age of three do not require a ticket for admission. as you'll be visiting in december 2019 and your little one won't celebrate her 3rd birthday until after your visit, you do not need to purchase a ticket for her. i do want to give you some pointers for visiting at this practically perfect age. under the age of three, your little one will also not be charged at any restaurant that is all you care to enjoy. this is a great thing to take advantage of especially for character dining experiences. a note for visiting with a little one, while you won't be charged they should be included in the dining reservation headcount. this way the restaurant can plan accordingly in making sure a large enough table is planned for your party.