am i holding myself back
its weird chatting to a doctor online but here we go. i am a father of two who loves my children to death but sometimes i get so aggressive and afterwards i dont even know why. when i play with my son i play to rough. i am not sure why i get so agressive so quickly. after these agression spells i tend to apologise and hug him and nurture him why ? i have never seriously hurt him but its a type of bullying i dont understand why? eveyone tells me wat a good father i am and i would love to take the credit for it but i know the feeling when this bully agression thing hits and i dont think it is normal.
do you have concerns ( which previous generations more commonly had ) about whether a dad ought to be rough and toughen the lad up versus being nurturing and pleasant ? <br><br>not that long back the latter was the norm - it didn&#39;t do growing boys any good, and often left them confused, and experiencing difficulties in demonstrating the gentleness that is so much a part of manliness, which doesn&#39;t solely consist of being rough and tough. <br><br>how did your own father relate to you ? often, in ways we don&#39;t altogether realize, the model of how to be fatherly is one we absorb from what we see and experience.
he might of been feeling it... now is saying it because of action taken by you to care for him. just regular shit as far as i can tell. the real question is if you have a problem with it/do you not want to deal with it/is that not what you wanted/etc. I recently found out that my grandpa did not treat my grandma very kindly. He died about 18 years ago and my grandma died about 7 years ago. Recently I was talking to my dad (who knew about how his dad treated his mom) and found out that how he always put her down and insulted her and my aunt. I guess he wanted a son but was not too pleased when their first child was a daughter and their second child who was a boy was stillborn. I guess he blamed my grandma for that as well. He controlled their money and I guess was just mentally abusive. I remember him being grouchy most of the time but I also remember my grandma being a little grouchy too so I just assumed that’s how they were. I was about 13 when he died. My dad did tell me he was never physically abusive but the whole thing still bothers me. I am told that I take after my other grandpa who would bend over backwards to help people but he died before I was born. @a myfibroteam member 

how nice of you to say that. i, like many others, have asked god why? why am i the one who has this painful, incurable illness? why am i the one with major depressive disorder? why am i the one that was sexually assaulted so many times? why am i the one who has had to take care of my sister’s children, help them pay for their educations, and support them as they navigate the waters of this crazy world we live in? why me? i made a conscious decision a few years ago, when my lifelong emotional scares got out of control, that i would make one of the answers to those questions be “to help others navigate through this thing called life”. if i can help just one person feel less alone, or like someone cares, or like there is hope after all i will have succeed at life. if i can help just one person fight back instead of giving in my life has a purpose. as a result, this normally very private person has gradually learned to be very open. i am not ashamed of the things that happened...disappointed or angry yes but not ashamed. i talk openly about how major depressive disorder has affected my life and how i’ve been able to come to terms with it. i talk openly about close brushes with suicide and what worked to get me back to a better place mentally. i talk a little less openly about the impact sexual assault had on every aspect of my life (that one is harder because i’m still working on some of the emotions and reactions around it). i talk openly about the changes i’m having to make as fibromyalgia makes itself more and more obvious in me. i’m not perfect. i still get angry and upset. i still get frustrated. i still feel hopeless sometimes. i feel all the negative emotions everyone else does but if i can help just one person, i will have a reason for all i’ve gone through. perhaps people on this site are that reason. it is my deepest hope that others don’t have to suffer as i have but, if they have, i want to use my god-given caregiver heart to help them through. 

may god bless and keep you. 

shirley it is natural for a mother and father to bond with their infant unless there is a condition of the mother or infant that interferes such as post partum pain, post partum depression, or a sick newborn. if you have concerns, make them known to your ob or pediatrician. see more... part of becoming an adult and having a family of your own is learning how to manage relationships with other people... like your own parents. it can be devastating to have a parent with mental illness, i do understand, my dad lost his battle with mental illness several years ago. however, when you are responsible for a child of your own, you've got to be able to function no matter what else is happening around you. part of that is giving yourself time and space to grieve and to feel what you are feeling rather than trying to stuff it down. find someone to talk to that you can let those tears go with, a counselor... or friend... your husband... even calling a warmline if necessary. the baby will be fine. tough one here. can't answer for sure if this is assault or not. you allowed for a certain level of play. you did however say "no" to follow on play. but... did you say no again? what were his thoughts? when he went further, it seems that you clearly stated you didn't want to do more. you allude to him stopping. it is true that "no means no." but you welcomed a second advance. so it is tough to say for sure that you were assaulted based on what you've provided.what i can say is this. both his and your behavior welcomed potential issues. glad it didn't go any further and he seemed to understand that. my advice is that you always protect yourself and be careful not to welcome advances you don't want. please believe me when i say that i'm not condoning his behavior. what i am saying is i wouldn't want to see something bad happen to you. a girl has gotta keep her guard up, unfortunately. so please take care of yourself always and be safe. i agree with your friends. you obviously like each other because he claimed to be willing to make the long drive to see you, he willingly met your parents to good effect, and he responds well when you call him. however, we cannot know what he is thinking until he makes some positive overtures in your favor without prodding. he probably has only the vaguest ideas what to do with himself regarding the relationship with you, so maybe you should give him time to clear his head. you must give him space for a few days to a week, maybe, before calling him again. he could be concerned about a long-distance affair, he could be overwhelmed by pressures of daily life, or just grappling with his shyness (since, you say, he's not been in a relationship before). if you get a weak or no response after about a week, call him and ask him directly how he feels about your mutual arrangement. once you allow him to make the moves himself it will all turn out well. What do you think of bullying?   

- Bullying awful and horrible. It's really hard to get over the bullying and try to move on. Bullying causes so many problems and a lot of people develop mental health problems like depression, stress, anxiety and they lead to self harm, have suicidal thoughts and even take their own lives. Bullying is horrible and nobody deserves to be bullied.   

  

Were you bullied, or were you the bully?   

- Yes, I was bullied for 5 years and I suffered from physical and emotional bullying. They spat at me, called me names, punched me in the stomach and beat me up. It was the worst point in my life and it led me to suffer from depression   

  

Why do you think people bully?   

- They are evil. They're jealous and are pathetic   

  

xoxo i would say they are a blessing cause it led me to the man i am with now. i started out on online dating really young. my parents were very strict no boyfriend until i am 18.. everyone at school had boyfriends and teased me cause i didn't so i went online and found a guy in indiana and dated him online from the time i was 16 to 18.. he came met me and my parents then i went to meet his parents and thats when i got the concussion that turned my life upside down.. when i was told i would never walk again (so thankful to god that turned out to be false) not even a week later he was gone and good riddance too! when i was 21 i moved to a new area and i grew up very sheltered so i had no idea what i was doing. i was going to be going to college soon after meeting 5 guys dylan, ryan, donald, justin and antonio.. dylan was the only one that understood it was just companionship i was wanting.. the rest wanted to sleep with me. had on my profile getting ready to go into my first year of college would like a loving, caring, thoughtful man by my side but hed have to know college will be my focus for these two years then we have the rest of our lives. but i realized that was too much to ask. went on many one meal dates after i was done college cameron, josh, matt, sean, scott, ben, will, andrew, curtis, trevor. nothing came of them all great guys just not great for me. tried to see dylan again but he wasn't interested he was more depressed couldnt shake him of it.. then i met david he was everything i wanted in his speech but he turned out to just be a fine talker and his actions didn't line up.. so it was hard to get rid of him dated a month took 2 to get in his head i wasn't interested.. then my parents and friends kept trying to set me up. so i thought if i dated someone farther away probably better so i dated jean-francois well i got a surprise im here message one saturday and he was great just when i went to his place i didn't feel at home he had no interest in moving here and i didn't want to move there he kept trying to pressure me to so i lied to him said i wanted my roommate since he kept on thinking we were involved but no taylor was like a big brother to me.. he wanted me to get a new place nothing ever made him happy technology wise if a new thing came out he had to have it making fun of my a5 phone yes its old but it still works :) so i felt almost not good enough for him.. then i dated another david online i never got the opportunity to meet i would really like to meet! he is absolutely amazing i think but after being misled before i didn't want to risk moving. then decided well fuck i must be the problem guys in person wanted to date me but if we dont agree on fundamentals there's no future! a guy online you can discuss these things better to ask what they are looking for then answer that question cause you could get played. so i took 6 months to myself avoided all family functions.. i prayed every day god would lead me to my husband.. i only dated guys i could see myself married to or if they convinced me they deserved a shot. i didn't ever want to date just to date. i wanted the next guy i dated to be my husband and we met on okcupid and was on the app less than a week when i met him felt like i always knew him and i just knew this is it and a year and 9 months still going strong. so as long as your prepared for things to not go as you expect your fine.. the guys i dated online were 100x better than the guy i dated that was a customer at my work. online your safer behind a screen and you meet in a public place after one meal you should have a good feeler on the person. its easier to say i think your a great person but i dont think wed be a great match because... i wish you the best of luck.. hope you find what your looking for.. they usually say thanks you too! friends or associates you already know in person are more stubborn and take things more personally when you dont think they are your type. More than likely, you're experiencing Compassion Fatigue which is defined as   
 a condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others, often described as the negative cost of caring. It is sometimes referred to as secondary traumatic stress.  
  
Google it, and take the test online to see if you suffer from it vs. burnout; there is a big difference. Here is an article on the subject:  
  
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compassion-fatigue  
  
Here's a link to the Compassion Fatigue test for helpers:  
  
https://www.michvma.org/resources/Documents/Prof.%20Competencies/2017%20Proceedings/figley%20self%20assessment%202.pdf  
  
Please don't ever think of yourself as a horrible, careless person! We are all human and as such, have our breaking points, especially after care giving for years on end. Don't think of yourself as some being that should be able to handle all that's thrown at you without breaking down........that's not realistic or healthy. Nor is it realistic or healthy for you to be in such a position to be a personal caregiver to a mother who's been so sick for so long. A nursing home is staffed with teams of caregivers who work around the clock precisely so that one or two people don't have to suffer the tremendous burden that you and your father have been suffering. You're only two people doing the job of a large TEAM of people; so it's no wonder you're feeling this way.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in finding peace and joy for yourself amidst the duties you've taken on.