Daughter Talks to Herself




>  My daughter is 19, she still lives with me. She loves to watch movies like twighlight and she reads a lot. She can not find a job, but she does go to college, she is in her second year. My husband and I noticed that she is by herself most of the time. No boyfriend or many friends, she only have 1 or 2 friends and they just text once in a while. For many years she takes long showers,she is in the shower for 45 mnts to an hour and she stay in the bathroom for almost 2 hrs.
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>  So, 2 weeks ago I pass the bathroom door and heard some whispering, so I put my ear close to the door and it was her, its sounds like she was having a conversation and argument at the same time with somebody, at times its sounds like she was screaming and then silent. All this is happening in the bathroom, she is by herself and she is making sure nobody hear her. Now, thats not all I noticed that in some ocasions I hear like she is slapping herself on her body, not in her face because once she is out of the bathroom there’s no marks on her face. 
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> I really want to ask her whats going on but I am afraid she is going to say “nothing”. Please I need big help, I don’t know what to do or how to approach this situation. She is 19 and I really want to help her, This is happening everyday since I found out, who knows how long she is been doing this…..Please I need your help, Sincerely, a desperate Mother.
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> Daughter Talks to Herself
A.  You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your daughter has been increasingly isolating herself. Although successful in that she goes to school, her friendship circle is very limited for someone her age. Although it’s not unusual for people to talk through problems or to review their day with themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or their own room, your report that she may be punishing herself by screaming and slapping isn’t typical or okay.


Sometimes our kids can’t tell us what is troubling them so they consciously or unconsciously leave hints around so that we’ll find them. Kids sometimes “accidentally” leave a diary open where we’ll find it or “accidentally” leave a distressing email open on the family computer, for example. It’s their way of sending out a distress signal without having to quite take responsibility for doing so.



I’m guessing your daughter’s lengthy time in the bathroom is something like that. On some level she knows that you will be concerned about a two-hour stay in there.


It’s past time for you to respond to the signal. Find a therapist who specializes in young adults. Ask your doctor for a referral or click on the “Find Help” tab on the PsychCentral homepage. There may also be a behavioral health clinic at her college. Brief the therapist on the phone and ask for some guidance about how to get your daughter to go in. (Sometimes it’s helpful if a parent goes to part of the first session.) 


Then, in a loving way, let your daughter know how concerned you are. Tell her that you know that she is upset and that you want to help. Reassure her that she doesn’t deserve to be punished by herself or by anyone else – no matter what. Insist that she see the counselor. Tell her you are willing to go with her. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Stay in that loving, concerned place.


[Parenting](https://psychcentral.com/lib/category/parenting/) doesn’t end because a child is at the age to start leaving home. We all have to figure out when to let go and when to still pull the “parent card.” In this situation, your daughter is telling you without words that she needs you to be a mom. Please follow through. She sounds like she really needs help.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Daughter Talks to Herself
hi i was just wondering if you ever figured out anything with your daughters fear of vomit. i am going through this now and your daughter sounds just like mine.. same age and all. it's bad for her at school and at bedtime.. she thinks about it all the time.. it has even affected her eating. if you get this can you please email me at lrechnitzer@sbcglobal.net. it's terrible to see your child go through this. i hope your daughter is better. i'm guessing she's a bit envious of you because she knows she should be exercising but isn't. that would explain why she shuts you down quickly by changing the topic. it's something she doesn't want to deal with.

remember that you don't need her approval or encouragement. it would be nice to have but she can't do that for you when it comes to your running success. 

good luck with the 1/2 marathon! a few years ago i had a 21 year old friends with benefits and she would drink my piss sometimes your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life. i normally keep it in until it is completely flacit and wants to fall out on its own. can't speak for anyone else. she might be depressed. judicious low dose treatment might help her.... and you. see a geriatrician. i don't, they get the silent treatment until i need to talk to them. which is rare i feel like there is a developing interest happening on her part. in my opinion. you could try talking about romantic relationships in general and see if the conversation goes anywhere. you could also try getting closer to her, maybe flirt a tiny bit and see where she's at. sorry if this doesn't help :( it seems he has taken desperate measures because he needs his space. personally, i like to resolve issues as soon as possible. commuinication is so important to make a relationship work. i would just accept he wants his space, he obviously needs time to sort his head out before dealing with speaking to you. when he does decide to talk to you , try to explain to him that if he wants the relationship to work, you both need to commuincate to resolve any issues, rather than ignoring it for days on end.space distances two people, it doesn't bring them closer together. he can't shut you out everytime you both have an argument .relationships are measured by the bad times, not the good. so you both need to become stronger together when faced with any adversities. sex is only a small and less important factor in a marriage or between 2 people that care for each other.at age 16, i would anyway recommend you wait another 2 or 3 years before you even start thinking of sex. there are so many dangers associated with it, starting with std/sti, disappointments or the fact that a girl is misused by guys that just want to add yet another victim or body count to their long list.what is sex? a few muscular contractions and spasms and usually, it is over in about 3 to 4 minutes. it is not really worth wasting your virginity just to be like all the others. you are special because you still have it. keep it for the one that deserves it and not because you have the feeling that you need to lose it. don't be a sheep that follows the others and don't succumb to group/peer pressure.