I Want or Need to Be Alone




> From a teen in the U.S.: I am a total hermit, and prefer to stay at home and occasionally spend time with one or two extremely close personal friends. Aside from them, I feel little desire for companionship. (Sometimes I simply don’t like the idea of it. I find myself wishing I had a boyfriend but when the opportunity for one pops up I completely avoid it or back out even though I enjoy that person).
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> When I am invited places, even by my extremely close friends, I back out. I make up some kind of excuse as to why I can’t spend time with them, and then spend that time alone in my room (when this happens I very rarely leave my room/bed, spending up to 7 hours at a time alone).
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> Sometimes I regret turning down the chance to hang out with someone, but I do it time and time again. I feel like it is not normal, especially for a teenager, to never want to hang out with my friends and to constantly wish I was alone. every once in a while I will feel lonely but i would rather continue to be alone than do something with others.
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> When acquaintances/friends push me for social interaction, I feel aggravated, uncomfortable, anxious, and pining for my solitude. When I go out with other people, I feel bored and sluggish, counting the minutes, and waiting for an opportunity to leave. I sometimes enjoy talking to individuals who I don’t know online; Not at all extensively, but just occasional small talk in the comment section of a video, picture, or person on live stream.
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> For the past few days, however, it seems that even doing this has been limited. It is extremely difficult to fully explain this situation. From parts of this account, it sounds as if I’m just the type of person who keeps to myself, and perhaps thats true, but I believe its more than that.
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> I fear that I’ll never date, never get married, and completely isolate myself from everyone because of this. I’m continuously thinking about my future. Sometimes it’s just an image of me living alone in the middle of nowhere. Sometimes it is a wonderful picture of success, with me making my passions a career and being surrounded by loved ones, but as of right now I can’t see myself ever getting past this need to be isolated.
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> I Want or Need to Be Alone
A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone
probably the fact that i never managed to get back in touch with some of my best friends and the fact that i have never had the guts to confess my love to someone, but i think i could live with that. i normally keep it in until it is completely flacit and wants to fall out on its own. can't speak for anyone else. i would say they are a blessing cause it led me to the man i am with now. i started out on online dating really young. my parents were very strict no boyfriend until i am 18.. everyone at school had boyfriends and teased me cause i didn't so i went online and found a guy in indiana and dated him online from the time i was 16 to 18.. he came met me and my parents then i went to meet his parents and thats when i got the concussion that turned my life upside down.. when i was told i would never walk again (so thankful to god that turned out to be false) not even a week later he was gone and good riddance too! when i was 21 i moved to a new area and i grew up very sheltered so i had no idea what i was doing. i was going to be going to college soon after meeting 5 guys dylan, ryan, donald, justin and antonio.. dylan was the only one that understood it was just companionship i was wanting.. the rest wanted to sleep with me. had on my profile getting ready to go into my first year of college would like a loving, caring, thoughtful man by my side but hed have to know college will be my focus for these two years then we have the rest of our lives. but i realized that was too much to ask. went on many one meal dates after i was done college cameron, josh, matt, sean, scott, ben, will, andrew, curtis, trevor. nothing came of them all great guys just not great for me. tried to see dylan again but he wasn't interested he was more depressed couldnt shake him of it.. then i met david he was everything i wanted in his speech but he turned out to just be a fine talker and his actions didn't line up.. so it was hard to get rid of him dated a month took 2 to get in his head i wasn't interested.. then my parents and friends kept trying to set me up. so i thought if i dated someone farther away probably better so i dated jean-francois well i got a surprise im here message one saturday and he was great just when i went to his place i didn't feel at home he had no interest in moving here and i didn't want to move there he kept trying to pressure me to so i lied to him said i wanted my roommate since he kept on thinking we were involved but no taylor was like a big brother to me.. he wanted me to get a new place nothing ever made him happy technology wise if a new thing came out he had to have it making fun of my a5 phone yes its old but it still works :) so i felt almost not good enough for him.. then i dated another david online i never got the opportunity to meet i would really like to meet! he is absolutely amazing i think but after being misled before i didn't want to risk moving. then decided well fuck i must be the problem guys in person wanted to date me but if we dont agree on fundamentals there's no future! a guy online you can discuss these things better to ask what they are looking for then answer that question cause you could get played. so i took 6 months to myself avoided all family functions.. i prayed every day god would lead me to my husband.. i only dated guys i could see myself married to or if they convinced me they deserved a shot. i didn't ever want to date just to date. i wanted the next guy i dated to be my husband and we met on okcupid and was on the app less than a week when i met him felt like i always knew him and i just knew this is it and a year and 9 months still going strong. so as long as your prepared for things to not go as you expect your fine.. the guys i dated online were 100x better than the guy i dated that was a customer at my work. online your safer behind a screen and you meet in a public place after one meal you should have a good feeler on the person. its easier to say i think your a great person but i dont think wed be a great match because... i wish you the best of luck.. hope you find what your looking for.. they usually say thanks you too! friends or associates you already know in person are more stubborn and take things more personally when you dont think they are your type. @a myfibroteam member 

how nice of you to say that. i, like many others, have asked god why? why am i the one who has this painful, incurable illness? why am i the one with major depressive disorder? why am i the one that was sexually assaulted so many times? why am i the one who has had to take care of my sister’s children, help them pay for their educations, and support them as they navigate the waters of this crazy world we live in? why me? i made a conscious decision a few years ago, when my lifelong emotional scares got out of control, that i would make one of the answers to those questions be “to help others navigate through this thing called life”. if i can help just one person feel less alone, or like someone cares, or like there is hope after all i will have succeed at life. if i can help just one person fight back instead of giving in my life has a purpose. as a result, this normally very private person has gradually learned to be very open. i am not ashamed of the things that happened...disappointed or angry yes but not ashamed. i talk openly about how major depressive disorder has affected my life and how i’ve been able to come to terms with it. i talk openly about close brushes with suicide and what worked to get me back to a better place mentally. i talk a little less openly about the impact sexual assault had on every aspect of my life (that one is harder because i’m still working on some of the emotions and reactions around it). i talk openly about the changes i’m having to make as fibromyalgia makes itself more and more obvious in me. i’m not perfect. i still get angry and upset. i still get frustrated. i still feel hopeless sometimes. i feel all the negative emotions everyone else does but if i can help just one person, i will have a reason for all i’ve gone through. perhaps people on this site are that reason. it is my deepest hope that others don’t have to suffer as i have but, if they have, i want to use my god-given caregiver heart to help them through. 

may god bless and keep you. 

shirley i've flirted with it before. i didn't get much interest. just women that i'm, to be politically uncorrect, way out of their league, at least in terms of the logistics of dating. all the women that i was interested in and messaged, didn't respond. actually what i'd say was going on is this. firstly you need to be aware of the psychology of it, and how peoples' minds work. ie, if you have forlorn selfies, one or two of you pondering the nature of existence in your bedroom, you're not going to get many bites from women. women can get away with being aloof and beautiful like that. men typically have to portray a more social and outgoing image, least that's what i imagine. if you can project the image of social power, then you're going to attract more of it. and i'm sort of eluding to the tragedy of dating websites and dating in general, and their 'unnaturalness'. it's all very calculated, and hardly dreamy romantic if one is check-boxing all the time. there's a lot of tragic people on there, trying to find a means to desperately get away from their tragedy and find that validation or quick thrill they are seeking. like all things, it's a question of intent. what are you true motivations. if one goes there, with innocent eyes, wholeheartedly, and is not there to deceive any body, or escape from anything, then of course, it's just another medium to meet people. the whole hearted thing is important. actually uploading a decent set of photos, putting some thought into your profile, etc. what you put in, you get out, it's not just a case of being there. the same applies to going to social gatherings in general. go to the same event, and make the effort to talk to people and be open, and one will get dramatically different results. also, i think on the positive, it can expand the potentiality of the people you can meet manifold. there's lots of interesting people out there. i really think it's like social media in general. it just fans, positive or negative, what you are already doing. of course, one could make a deeper argument about conscious control in the first place. we think we have conscious control of the happenings around us, but really, conscious 'control' is the mind's means of deluding us into thinking that we're not working to the subconscious forces within us. the truth about my 'rejections' were, i wasn't really into it, i was just playing... sort of, if you're feeling me, to make this more 'down' and gag friendly. i'm 17 and i'm horny all of the time too. but i've never masturbated or had sex. virgin to everything. my boyfriend and i make out all the time. he dry humps me and stimulates my clit over my clothes. it drives me wild and it's all i think about sometimes. since that feels so amazing i wonder what actual sex would be like. the problems is i'm big on saving myself for marriage, so i have to deal with my horniness and its awful sometimes. I prefer to ask girls out.  
  
In my opinion it feels worse rejecting girls then it does being rejected by them.  
  
Everytime I've rejected a girl I've felt horrible for ages afterward, especially because I know girls don't normally ask guys out so they're probably not as use too rejection what? you have a new girlfriend but wish to marry your ex? i think you need to be alone for a bit and sort your head out. Good evening, thanks for asking at HealthReplies.com. Difficult to socialize is actually a problem encountered by many people. Everyone has different personalities and with them, there are people who are easy to socialize and some are very difficult. On the other hand, people who socialize too easily usually find it difficult to find pleasure without the presence of others, and people who tend to be quiet are easier to find calm and excitement in their solitude.



What is clear is the key is that you state that if you already feel close to that person, you will be far more comfortable to socialize and that means there are no abnormalities in yourself, because in the end, you can still socialize even though it takes time to adapt.



Among the things you can do to practice your social skills is to speak in front of a mirror. Pay attention to what might still be fixed from you. Then try to enrich your horizons. Each person has different pleasures and it will be easier for you to start a conversation with someone else if you know a lot of things. Then don't easily feel that you offended others. If you are afraid that what you say offends someone, apologize before expressing it, and then ask if it offends him, because we really will not know how someone feels except by asking. In addition, you should have a friend who can correct you. If you want further, you can also take public speaking classes to practice your skills. And in doing all that, you have to put an understanding in yourself that you want to change, and you want to try, that everything that other people can do, you certainly can too.



Apart from all that, if you still feel you haven't reached the level of personality you want, realize that you don't need to be someone else. Just be the best version of your personality, but you don't need to lose its characteristics. So quiet is not a disorder, and as long as you can still carry out daily activities and have good social relations, even if it's not as easy as some people, it's okay. Accept yourself with all its shortcomings but focus on the strengths. So, hopefully answering your question. every individuals have diff way of coping , some people can't be happy without someone on their side or sometimes they are sad and wants to be around people. Some people are not strong enough emo and mentally to be alone so they want something to be busy about rather than thinking about the break up but some people just dont feel pain or just ignore the pain.