How Can My Fiance and I Have a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life?




> From a teen in the U.S.: I feel like my fiance and I are having issues sexually because our sexual relationship is unbalanced. I will often touch her and go down on her, but she will not do the same for me. She never seems as though she is particularly interested in sex. She used to be more involved in our sex life but she no longer is.
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> Complicating factors include that she is a survivor of rape and we were both raised in strongly Christian households. She is more Christian than I am. We also both work 50 hours a week and she works early in the morning and so goes to bed early. Whenever I bring up the issues that I see in our sex life, she gets upset and defensive and I feel like it’s not an issue we can productively talk about. What are some ways we can have a more mutually satisfying sex life?
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> How Can My Fiance and I Have a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life?
A. I’m very glad that you are asking these questions before you get married. You’ve listed a number of issues that make it difficult for a couple to have a mutually satisfying and happy sex life. Your fiance has suffered a traumatic sexual assault. Religious teachings from an early age may have taught her that sex outside of marriage is morally wrong. On top of that, she is just plain tired.


It is a positive comment on your sensitivity and love that you are seeking answers instead of just being upset or blaming. That speaks well for your relationship. Since the two of you have such a difficult time talking about sex, I think you need some help. A counselor can provide a safe place and guidance so that you can work this through. Since you both have a Christian background, a Christian couples counselor might be a good choice.



I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


How Can My Fiance and I Have a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life?
I I feel as though the biggest reason why circumstances like this don't get fixed is because the two marriage partners don't actually try to fix it. They don't talk it through in depth, they don't try hard enough, maybe they'll try a little and give up, but in the end, it's them not giving the time of day to truly fix it. I would love for your relationship to be brought back to light and fruition. Talk, talk, talk. Take a vacation, break, day off. Anything. Maybe even couples therapy. The point is, you CAN make it work and fix your situation. i'm 17 and i'm horny all of the time too. but i've never masturbated or had sex. virgin to everything. my boyfriend and i make out all the time. he dry humps me and stimulates my clit over my clothes. it drives me wild and it's all i think about sometimes. since that feels so amazing i wonder what actual sex would be like. the problems is i'm big on saving myself for marriage, so i have to deal with my horniness and its awful sometimes. your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life. sex is only a small and less important factor in a marriage or between 2 people that care for each other.at age 16, i would anyway recommend you wait another 2 or 3 years before you even start thinking of sex. there are so many dangers associated with it, starting with std/sti, disappointments or the fact that a girl is misused by guys that just want to add yet another victim or body count to their long list.what is sex? a few muscular contractions and spasms and usually, it is over in about 3 to 4 minutes. it is not really worth wasting your virginity just to be like all the others. you are special because you still have it. keep it for the one that deserves it and not because you have the feeling that you need to lose it. don't be a sheep that follows the others and don't succumb to group/peer pressure. yes, unemployment puts a strain on any individual and any relationship. <br><br>however, i don&#39;t see how i can recommend taking up paid sex as a solution for problems, though i can understand how you might find the idea tempting in more ways than one. what does your husband think of the idea ? he could hardly fail to be curious about where the new money was coming from. otherwise, how could you explain it to him ? <br><br>i agree with maria. <br> well start by changing the way you dress and do a full 180 on the way your currently living life and see if she catches on. be the responsible man that will attract her attention. own your own life and live it to the fullest and if you can do that anything can happen. have you considered couple counseling? this would help to work on the problems that made you separate to begin with...it sounds like you both still love each other... and perhaps the separation has done the relationship some good, in making you both appreciate each other more... if you really want to know if its for real ask her to go to counseling with you... if shes serious about working on the relationship and getting back together.... she will definitely go! you both need to be more open about your feelings, and take the emotional risk if you want it to work out...best wishes!!!!!!!!! i feel like there is a developing interest happening on her part. in my opinion. you could try talking about romantic relationships in general and see if the conversation goes anywhere. you could also try getting closer to her, maybe flirt a tiny bit and see where she's at. sorry if this doesn't help :( you need to win the girl over with looks and personality first before you even get a sniff at knowing how much she loves sex. once you have a relationship it will blow you mind how much the average girl needs sex. most of the girls i know want it at least as much as the guys. i hear you and feel so sorry for you that it's not working out as you want... i hear you actually you're like a dear friend of mine...but i can't help but point out a few points. seriously, listen up i'm not trying to judge you or anything.. belive me. but you know it's so uncool of you to say that you've been used, since you both agreed to have sex, come on.. we're grown ups not underage girls.. how the heck the 'being used' part come from?(actually that kind of attitude might have freaked him out i think..) and also i don't really see what he has done wrong so far if it was clear you two were just friends with benefits. i mean seriously, he's not your boyfriend, and you're acting like as if he is.. but you know.. i completely understand that you're having hard time with your ex. you liked him so sweet and listened to you.. trying to understand what you're going throw.. your bf's hurting you, it's because i see girls who suffer from bad relationship and honestly? if he's no good for you and he's hurting you and if another guy help you get out of that deep hell, go for it(im selfish i know, sorry). but you aren't happy, because you found a wrong guy(not that he's wrong, it's just he is not a guy who can give you what you need and want) that made it clear that it was just sex, and you two are kinda friends(well you claim) which is fine. but you want him to be there for you, and be only with you no other girls. don't you see? why he's leaving you?how to change his mind.. honestly? after all these? that you freaked him out and you broke the rule of friends with benefits which is called 'feelings' with it's best friend 'jealousy', you were cheating on your boyfriend, and you said all your relationship with other guy? i don't see any possibilities(girls! don't you think it's a little bit unfair that to say i wanna be who i am , asking guys to be some kind of knights? ... )i hope you find another new sencere sweet boyfriend, i really do. but right now.. i really hate to say it but you and him? i don't think it's gonna happen. i'm so sorry... i think i haven't been any helpful but all mean words.. but i have dear friend who is going throw what you're going through...(at least it seems like to me..). and i really really hope you the best... really... a big hug.. find a guy who can give you want you want.. who can love you.. really..you be the dreamy girl... not despressed lonely girl... then right guy will come out..!