my mom's relationship?
can some of you all give me some advice and help me out? i'm 23 years old...


my mom is 43 and is dating a guy almost 10 years younger than her. the age isn't necessarily the issue for me, it's the guy. as far as i know, he has two young kids that live in another state, his ex wife has custody of the kids; that seems strange to me. he can't afford his own car, so he drives my mom's, he lives with us but doesn't contribute toward rent. i'm old enough to know that there seems to be a physical relationship going on which concerns me. he also seems to have a drinking issue, and something is just off with him.  my mom seems to be taking care of this man and he seems to be using my mom. what should i do? my mom has been divorced a couple times, and i'm worried she is going to get hurt and this guy is taking advantage of her. 


my mom also seems to be needing all this attention. she is taking these pictures of herself in bikini's, which whatever, it makes me uncomfortable because i know why she is doing it. attention. she gets derogatory comments from gross men but somehow that seems to be ok for her. her standards have lowered considerably, especially since my brothers and i are basically out of the house. 


i'm trying to understand what's going on, because i'm really concerned for my mom.
mom's going through her "cougar" phase and this guy won't stick around for long. just have a talk with mom about making sure she doesn't lose too much money to this adventure.
as a child, my mom divorced. it was horrible, the divorce put us poverty. the man she divorced was a good man. he paid more child support than he had to by law. (i wasn't his biological son)i don't blame my mom as she was mentally wired differently than he.they were both 20 when they married,, long story. I think when he said he was a playboy he might not have been lying. He might just not be mature even though he's 40 and while he might be good with monogamous he might not be into having a serious relationship. I tend to attract younger men too. It hasn't been really anything I openly pursued I just look younger on a good day. I haven't gone out with any younger because the men who seemed interested fell just below the 40 year mark or I think they were younger than 40. It's hard to tell sometimes there is surely no reason at all why a friend of your mom&#39;s, who is not a friend of yours, should visit you or take any particular interest in your baby. simply talk calmly to your mom, and explain that while you tolerated this woman at the shower and wedding, you don&#39;t like the woman and do not want her to visit you. your mother ought to udnerstand this. r3emind her that this is your house, your home and your baby, and your privacy must be respected rather than the idle curiosity of this other woman. that sort of person pushes up the social tree exactly because they are insensitive and never take hints Just do what ever you feel like, go more to the gym than usual hang out with friends more often anytime it feels like he is using you. If he asks tell him why you are doing it tho assuming of course you actually want to stick around a person like that ;3  
  
Much LOVE, and good luck! i hear you and feel so sorry for you that it's not working out as you want... i hear you actually you're like a dear friend of mine...but i can't help but point out a few points. seriously, listen up i'm not trying to judge you or anything.. belive me. but you know it's so uncool of you to say that you've been used, since you both agreed to have sex, come on.. we're grown ups not underage girls.. how the heck the 'being used' part come from?(actually that kind of attitude might have freaked him out i think..) and also i don't really see what he has done wrong so far if it was clear you two were just friends with benefits. i mean seriously, he's not your boyfriend, and you're acting like as if he is.. but you know.. i completely understand that you're having hard time with your ex. you liked him so sweet and listened to you.. trying to understand what you're going throw.. your bf's hurting you, it's because i see girls who suffer from bad relationship and honestly? if he's no good for you and he's hurting you and if another guy help you get out of that deep hell, go for it(im selfish i know, sorry). but you aren't happy, because you found a wrong guy(not that he's wrong, it's just he is not a guy who can give you what you need and want) that made it clear that it was just sex, and you two are kinda friends(well you claim) which is fine. but you want him to be there for you, and be only with you no other girls. don't you see? why he's leaving you?how to change his mind.. honestly? after all these? that you freaked him out and you broke the rule of friends with benefits which is called 'feelings' with it's best friend 'jealousy', you were cheating on your boyfriend, and you said all your relationship with other guy? i don't see any possibilities(girls! don't you think it's a little bit unfair that to say i wanna be who i am , asking guys to be some kind of knights? ... )i hope you find another new sencere sweet boyfriend, i really do. but right now.. i really hate to say it but you and him? i don't think it's gonna happen. i'm so sorry... i think i haven't been any helpful but all mean words.. but i have dear friend who is going throw what you're going through...(at least it seems like to me..). and i really really hope you the best... really... a big hug.. find a guy who can give you want you want.. who can love you.. really..you be the dreamy girl... not despressed lonely girl... then right guy will come out..! wow marlboro! yikes! ouch! even though i&#39;ve been working with queer issues for many years i am still struck by what you&#39;ve told us. it is a very sad reflection on our society, where same-sex marriage is legal, that parents can throw gay youth out of their homes. ignorance and prejudice run very deep.<br><br>what are your ages?<br> plz don't break your relationship... bcoz now u have more responsibilities than before... u have 2 maintain your relationship vth both your hubby and your kid.. treat your hubby also like your baby. give equal importance to both. do wt ever he likes and try to love him more than before. he's not addicted to her body, she most likely has narcissistic personality disorder. which means that she is systematically destroying his sense of self in order for her to keep control. i have heard more than one person who knows how to judge these things guess that he will commit suicide in the next few years. which to my eyes is very very sad More than likely, you're experiencing Compassion Fatigue which is defined as   
 a condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others, often described as the negative cost of caring. It is sometimes referred to as secondary traumatic stress.  
  
Google it, and take the test online to see if you suffer from it vs. burnout; there is a big difference. Here is an article on the subject:  
  
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compassion-fatigue  
  
Here's a link to the Compassion Fatigue test for helpers:  
  
https://www.michvma.org/resources/Documents/Prof.%20Competencies/2017%20Proceedings/figley%20self%20assessment%202.pdf  
  
Please don't ever think of yourself as a horrible, careless person! We are all human and as such, have our breaking points, especially after care giving for years on end. Don't think of yourself as some being that should be able to handle all that's thrown at you without breaking down........that's not realistic or healthy. Nor is it realistic or healthy for you to be in such a position to be a personal caregiver to a mother who's been so sick for so long. A nursing home is staffed with teams of caregivers who work around the clock precisely so that one or two people don't have to suffer the tremendous burden that you and your father have been suffering. You're only two people doing the job of a large TEAM of people; so it's no wonder you're feeling this way.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in finding peace and joy for yourself amidst the duties you've taken on. A. It is not uncommon for people to have had a few intimate relationships by their late 20s. My guess is that you being a virgin and her having had experience in relationships is at the root of your concern. It is hard to imagine something we have not experienced.

That having been said it is important to note that at this stage of life it is unlikely that you will meet anyone that has not had a past romantic relationship. I would focus on the here and now you have with her. Here is what you have said:

1. She has stopped contact with others. This is a very good sign of her intention and commitment.
2. She has described her relationships in a way that makes sense – meaning that she was not in love and maintained them because she wanted options.
3. Her relationship with you has changed her thoughts and feelings about herself and what she wants.

Taken together this would seem to be a good indication of her commitment and willingness to be a partner with you. Your relationship is new, and this will mean that as you grow together these concerns are likely to take a back seat. Meditation may be an excellent way for you to modulate your feelings and angst about the situation. Over time her commitment to you will dispel these concerns.

Wishing you patience and peace,  
 *Dr. Dan*  
 [*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)

Issue with Girlfriend’s Past