trying to get out of the friend zone?????
i am friends with this girl that i am starting to become interested in. we take an art class together and now we both hangout with the same group of friends too. so we are pretty familiar with eachother. we talk everyday, flirt everyday, she hugs me alot, tells me i'm adorable and that she loves me. is that how boy-girl friends act?

anyways we get along great and have been hanging out together with another friend or two.

how can i try to get past the friend zone? she likes little things like toy animals, so i was planning on buying her this animal for valentines day that squeeks when you press its belly. because she was showing me them when we were in this store. also, i'm writting all my friends letters for valentines day so i have one for her too.

thanks for your help
that friend zone is bs mate. the best relationships are many times with someone you are familiar to and really great friends with. my girlfriend now is my best friend and was before we started to date. at first she wasn't sure; so we took it slow. but now we are very much so in love. i wouldn't change anything about how we got together; i wouldn't want to be with anyone else. you two are great friends? all you can do is be there for her; and tell her your honest feelings. this may be awkward and hard to do; but if you really like her it is worth the risk. nobody ever got anywhere important without risking big things. if she doesn't reciprocate these feelings all hope isn't lost; if she is that important to you where you cant move on then don't give up. she may see you in a different light knowing you would not give up on her. meaning if she says no; don't just go for what you can get next. keep to it for a while; months; years even depending on your connection, i waited 5 months until she actually gave us a chance, i told her straightforward that i was the man for her and would prove it to her. all in all it will be worth it because you'd be staying true to yourself. friend zones don't exist; there's just compatible people and non compatible. a friend zone is something people put themselves in when they give up; or when they give up after being told they are like a brother to the girl. don't give up and you will be something different to her; if but a way closer friend than before because your feelings and how much you care for her will be monumentally greater than she realized before hand.
i feel like there is a developing interest happening on her part. in my opinion. you could try talking about romantic relationships in general and see if the conversation goes anywhere. you could also try getting closer to her, maybe flirt a tiny bit and see where she's at. sorry if this doesn't help :( - eye contact- smilethese are the easiest ways to flirt.. just try to be friendly and smile a lot and you'll do fine (: if you want to try more you could try to establish physical contact, like a light touch on the arm... or you could also try a compliment. hmm, before kissing her, i'd suggest you to start lightly and very gently stroke the side or the back of her neck and ears. check her reaction. if she likes it, you can proceed kissing her slowly on the areas you mentioned. good luck. A.  You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your daughter has been increasingly isolating herself. Although successful in that she goes to school, her friendship circle is very limited for someone her age. Although it’s not unusual for people to talk through problems or to review their day with themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or their own room, your report that she may be punishing herself by screaming and slapping isn’t typical or okay.


Sometimes our kids can’t tell us what is troubling them so they consciously or unconsciously leave hints around so that we’ll find them. Kids sometimes “accidentally” leave a diary open where we’ll find it or “accidentally” leave a distressing email open on the family computer, for example. It’s their way of sending out a distress signal without having to quite take responsibility for doing so.



I’m guessing your daughter’s lengthy time in the bathroom is something like that. On some level she knows that you will be concerned about a two-hour stay in there.


It’s past time for you to respond to the signal. Find a therapist who specializes in young adults. Ask your doctor for a referral or click on the “Find Help” tab on the PsychCentral homepage. There may also be a behavioral health clinic at her college. Brief the therapist on the phone and ask for some guidance about how to get your daughter to go in. (Sometimes it’s helpful if a parent goes to part of the first session.) 


Then, in a loving way, let your daughter know how concerned you are. Tell her that you know that she is upset and that you want to help. Reassure her that she doesn’t deserve to be punished by herself or by anyone else – no matter what. Insist that she see the counselor. Tell her you are willing to go with her. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Stay in that loving, concerned place.


[Parenting](https://psychcentral.com/lib/category/parenting/) doesn’t end because a child is at the age to start leaving home. We all have to figure out when to let go and when to still pull the “parent card.” In this situation, your daughter is telling you without words that she needs you to be a mom. Please follow through. She sounds like she really needs help.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Daughter Talks to Herself A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone Just do what ever you feel like, go more to the gym than usual hang out with friends more often anytime it feels like he is using you. If he asks tell him why you are doing it tho assuming of course you actually want to stick around a person like that ;3  
  
Much LOVE, and good luck! i hear you and feel so sorry for you that it's not working out as you want... i hear you actually you're like a dear friend of mine...but i can't help but point out a few points. seriously, listen up i'm not trying to judge you or anything.. belive me. but you know it's so uncool of you to say that you've been used, since you both agreed to have sex, come on.. we're grown ups not underage girls.. how the heck the 'being used' part come from?(actually that kind of attitude might have freaked him out i think..) and also i don't really see what he has done wrong so far if it was clear you two were just friends with benefits. i mean seriously, he's not your boyfriend, and you're acting like as if he is.. but you know.. i completely understand that you're having hard time with your ex. you liked him so sweet and listened to you.. trying to understand what you're going throw.. your bf's hurting you, it's because i see girls who suffer from bad relationship and honestly? if he's no good for you and he's hurting you and if another guy help you get out of that deep hell, go for it(im selfish i know, sorry). but you aren't happy, because you found a wrong guy(not that he's wrong, it's just he is not a guy who can give you what you need and want) that made it clear that it was just sex, and you two are kinda friends(well you claim) which is fine. but you want him to be there for you, and be only with you no other girls. don't you see? why he's leaving you?how to change his mind.. honestly? after all these? that you freaked him out and you broke the rule of friends with benefits which is called 'feelings' with it's best friend 'jealousy', you were cheating on your boyfriend, and you said all your relationship with other guy? i don't see any possibilities(girls! don't you think it's a little bit unfair that to say i wanna be who i am , asking guys to be some kind of knights? ... )i hope you find another new sencere sweet boyfriend, i really do. but right now.. i really hate to say it but you and him? i don't think it's gonna happen. i'm so sorry... i think i haven't been any helpful but all mean words.. but i have dear friend who is going throw what you're going through...(at least it seems like to me..). and i really really hope you the best... really... a big hug.. find a guy who can give you want you want.. who can love you.. really..you be the dreamy girl... not despressed lonely girl... then right guy will come out..! i've flirted with it before. i didn't get much interest. just women that i'm, to be politically uncorrect, way out of their league, at least in terms of the logistics of dating. all the women that i was interested in and messaged, didn't respond. actually what i'd say was going on is this. firstly you need to be aware of the psychology of it, and how peoples' minds work. ie, if you have forlorn selfies, one or two of you pondering the nature of existence in your bedroom, you're not going to get many bites from women. women can get away with being aloof and beautiful like that. men typically have to portray a more social and outgoing image, least that's what i imagine. if you can project the image of social power, then you're going to attract more of it. and i'm sort of eluding to the tragedy of dating websites and dating in general, and their 'unnaturalness'. it's all very calculated, and hardly dreamy romantic if one is check-boxing all the time. there's a lot of tragic people on there, trying to find a means to desperately get away from their tragedy and find that validation or quick thrill they are seeking. like all things, it's a question of intent. what are you true motivations. if one goes there, with innocent eyes, wholeheartedly, and is not there to deceive any body, or escape from anything, then of course, it's just another medium to meet people. the whole hearted thing is important. actually uploading a decent set of photos, putting some thought into your profile, etc. what you put in, you get out, it's not just a case of being there. the same applies to going to social gatherings in general. go to the same event, and make the effort to talk to people and be open, and one will get dramatically different results. also, i think on the positive, it can expand the potentiality of the people you can meet manifold. there's lots of interesting people out there. i really think it's like social media in general. it just fans, positive or negative, what you are already doing. of course, one could make a deeper argument about conscious control in the first place. we think we have conscious control of the happenings around us, but really, conscious 'control' is the mind's means of deluding us into thinking that we're not working to the subconscious forces within us. the truth about my 'rejections' were, i wasn't really into it, i was just playing... sort of, if you're feeling me, to make this more 'down' and gag friendly. At your age, it's tough because girls (and young people on a whole) are so fixated on things like physical appearance and social standing among peers. These are things that become less important as you get even just barely older, particularly the latter as no 22+ year old cares if you're "popular". That said, just work on your dating and conversation skills. Find some really fat, ugly girl and take her out on dates. The whole time, act like she's the most beautiful, most interesting girl you've ever met. Come up with things to talk about, jokes to say, and places to take her. All this refinement will come in handy when you hit your stride and the girls you take out find that you're just more interesting and fun than all the other guys that they've gone out with. It'll work, I promise. can you identify from where in your childhood this people pleasing dynamic stems from?why do you people please?what do you get from it?what might happen if you don't people please?rhetorical questions for self discovery. as my gong fu instructor used to say. 'awareness'. you should watch your inner thought processes and your bodily/feeling reactions, rather than necessarily having to get caught up in them or believing them, or even answering them. once they are watched and the own processes of your consciousness are understood more fully, they will start to lose their grip on you.the other thing worth bearing in mind is people are different in their own moods, feelings, perceptions, their own internal make up - karma - or reaction to things. therefore, they may be reacting in a way that is entirely nothing to do with you. you might also like to watch this video on healthy boundaries if you feel that might be an issue.