girlfriend says i need to fix what i did wrong i don’t know how to fix it. how do i do that?
so i’m going to start with i attempted to cheat on my girlfriend. i did not cheat on her i attempted to cheat but i didn’t go through with it, she found out and is pissed at me. i don’t know what to do here i’ve never been in this situation where i have to fix it in order to get things back to normal. she refuses to tell me what do to fix what i did wrong she tells me that since i was married for 3 years i should know what to do. the thing is i don’t and she will not tell me. i need some help i’ve tried apologizing that didn’t work i tried doing extra things like extra cleaning, chores, making dinner, and the like. i’m out of ideas at this point and this has been going on for over a week now i’m sick of her ignoring me and i want things to go back to normal. what can i do? i’m out of options i need help. i’ve told her i’ve never been in a situation like that. she doesn’t care she wants me to fix it that’s all she says help somebody i’m about to go nuts here!! she is present but distant i’m so desperate here i don’t know where else to turn someone please help.
your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life.
I forgave my boyfriend for cheating on me. It was hard. But i loved him and i didn't want to throw our life away because of his drunken decision. She may not trust you fully right now but tell her that you're willing to be patient and to gain back her trust and that something like that will never happen again and be completely honest with her. i found out she had sex with another guy and confronted her. she cried and said she was sorry and said she was devastated that she hurt me. we worked on it for four months, during which time i said that i wanted all the facts. everything. don't hold back. i needed the truth to move on from the lies. i told her that it wasn't so much the actual sex that ate away at me. it was the lies and cover ups that shattered my trust. she said she would do that and anything else i needed. well, she had said she only hooked up with him three times and that it was mostly just companionship while i was long distance. (smh at how stupid i was.) then i found out that it was a four month affair. sleepovers multiple times a week. dates and picnics. pdas. going to the gym. going to his baseball games. cooking together. playing house. and unprotected sex with him while she was having unprotected sex with me. all her friends knew. and the ultimate infidelity is that she really was grooming him to be her boyfriend without ever telling him she was dating me. she lied to both of us. that's when i realized that she was never was truly sorry for doing something wrong. because she didn't see it as wrong. just exploring her options. she was only sorry she got caught. but, like an idiot, i tried for another four months. i was blinded by love and lust and the connection we had. finally i just realized that, even though i loved so much about her, she was not the one for me. trust is absolutely the foundational requirement for a healthy relationship. without it, there is nothing. Look girl let me tell you something I ignore the problem and it eats me up inside. Maybe you're feeling the same way. So is ignoring really going to HELP YOU move on? Who cares about him... what will help you move on? Because your definitely not ready. This guy is a NARS and he CHEATED on you and LIED about it to your face and you still felt sorry for him and wasted your precious time by trying to make him feel better? Girl where's your dignity? Did this guy crush you? Did he make you feel worthless at some point? I've been cheated on and it makes you question who you are so please do yourself a favor and walk away with confidence, dignity and respect for yourself because if you can't forgive him or if you keep being Mother Teresa and forgiving him and caring about him when he clearly didn't mind treating you bad then go ahead and waste your time. These feelings aren't fun they can consume you make you doubt yourself crush you so please breakup with him in a way that gives you peace and know that there's always someone else out there that won't take you for granted now notice I didn't say won't let you down because for example I told my boyfriend that the only way I'll leave him is if he cheats or lies to me with our finances with real life problems not pity stuff we couples argue about so if he broke your trust if you clearly had the line drawn in something and he still MADE A CHOICE to go against you then this guy ain't worth it. I I feel as though the biggest reason why circumstances like this don't get fixed is because the two marriage partners don't actually try to fix it. They don't talk it through in depth, they don't try hard enough, maybe they'll try a little and give up, but in the end, it's them not giving the time of day to truly fix it. I would love for your relationship to be brought back to light and fruition. Talk, talk, talk. Take a vacation, break, day off. Anything. Maybe even couples therapy. The point is, you CAN make it work and fix your situation. In my opinion Its not your fault that your friend got mad. You didn't do anything wrong, i think you should just try and talk to her to clear things up and if she won't listen to you thats on her i hear you and feel so sorry for you that it's not working out as you want... i hear you actually you're like a dear friend of mine...but i can't help but point out a few points. seriously, listen up i'm not trying to judge you or anything.. belive me. but you know it's so uncool of you to say that you've been used, since you both agreed to have sex, come on.. we're grown ups not underage girls.. how the heck the 'being used' part come from?(actually that kind of attitude might have freaked him out i think..) and also i don't really see what he has done wrong so far if it was clear you two were just friends with benefits. i mean seriously, he's not your boyfriend, and you're acting like as if he is.. but you know.. i completely understand that you're having hard time with your ex. you liked him so sweet and listened to you.. trying to understand what you're going throw.. your bf's hurting you, it's because i see girls who suffer from bad relationship and honestly? if he's no good for you and he's hurting you and if another guy help you get out of that deep hell, go for it(im selfish i know, sorry). but you aren't happy, because you found a wrong guy(not that he's wrong, it's just he is not a guy who can give you what you need and want) that made it clear that it was just sex, and you two are kinda friends(well you claim) which is fine. but you want him to be there for you, and be only with you no other girls. don't you see? why he's leaving you?how to change his mind.. honestly? after all these? that you freaked him out and you broke the rule of friends with benefits which is called 'feelings' with it's best friend 'jealousy', you were cheating on your boyfriend, and you said all your relationship with other guy? i don't see any possibilities(girls! don't you think it's a little bit unfair that to say i wanna be who i am , asking guys to be some kind of knights? ... )i hope you find another new sencere sweet boyfriend, i really do. but right now.. i really hate to say it but you and him? i don't think it's gonna happen. i'm so sorry... i think i haven't been any helpful but all mean words.. but i have dear friend who is going throw what you're going through...(at least it seems like to me..). and i really really hope you the best... really... a big hug.. find a guy who can give you want you want.. who can love you.. really..you be the dreamy girl... not despressed lonely girl... then right guy will come out..! Well, I can sit here and tell you the things that I'm pretty sure you are well aware of like; hang out with friends, join new things, exercise and etc. And yes, all of these things are a great way to get your mind off of someone, but forgetting them is something hard and I personally think, you can never do. Let's be honest, the relationship failed and it hurts because right now you miss them. And let may say, that is perfectly normal, it tells me that you cared but also you aren't numbing yourself to pain (Via drinking is an example of numbing). That you are a passionate person who still believes in love and who deserved happiness. The last thing I want you to do is to forget that person and pretend it doesn't hurt, even though you may seem fine, when you're alone, truly who are you fooling? The number one tip I have for you, is to ALLOW yourself to feel pain, allow yourself to cry and allow and yourself to grow. This is a great opportunity to rebuild yourself, to do it for only yourself and for you to reflect. So when those tears are gone, stand up on your own two feet and start doing the things you love, not to distract and forget, but rather reflect and build. The best way to "forget" someone is to realize that yes this pain hurts, that yes this pain is temporary and yes I will get through and improve whether spiritually, physically or emotionally. It's going to hurt like hell, but if you can see this pain with a clear mind, eventually you'll realize a life without them. Don't forget, smile and realize that there will be someone out there willing to show you love once more. Another thing that really helped me was that I started looking at it objectively, and I had this realization that I was more disappointed that he wasn't the one, rather than just flat out missing him. Wishing you the best of luck, never forget, smile because you've learned something and will continue to learn. A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me A real man wouldn't treat you this way. You are not wrong for wanting to do nice things, and be there for someone you love. That is what parters should do for one another. However, you knew this man and who he is as a person and probably knew that he was not capable of making you feel appreciated, and being a good boyfriend. In no way is it your fault for being there for him, as long as you now realize that he wasn't the right person to be there for. He didn't deserve it. And you will find someone who not only deserves it but reciprocates it! Im sorry you were manipulated and used, I've been there, and it sucks. But now we know what we deserve, and need from a partner! This man doesn't respect you, he respects everything you did for him, and is only appreciative of that supply that you gave him. You seem like a kind soul, and you deserve more. Move on and be stronger because of it! talk to her about it but not in a pressuring way. tell her you want to be with her but you understand and respect her decision. just give her the opportunity to change her mind, but if it's still a no, then just respect that and let it be.