is it wrong for grandma to cry in front of child?
we used to live in las vegas but moved back to midwest to avoid crime and find better education/values, about a year ago.. my inlaws still live there and my 9 year old daughter has a close relationship with my mil. she recently went to visit her and had a blast, swimming, shopping, seeing her old friends. etc. 
well, my mil was crying her eyes out in front of my daughter on the day she was leaving (today) because she misses her. then, my daughter calls me crying and angrily asking why am i forcing her to live in il when she hates it and loves vegas. 
is it wrong for grandma to be crying when child is leaving? i feel like it only makes it worse and it is almost like brain-washing since the grandma would love for us to move back. 
i'm really upset because i feel like it turns my daughter against me. 
any thoughts?
i wouldn't say it's wrong for her to cry - as long as it's an honest expression of her feelings and not a way to manipulate you and your daughter. saying goodbye to someone you won't see for a long time can be very emotional.. but i think it would be easier on your daughter if she could manage not to cry in front of her. your daughter doesn't have control over the number and timing of her visits. there is nothing she can do to change where she lives. seeing her grandma cry will do nothing except make her feel worse. have you told your mil how your daughter feels after saying goodbye? maybe if she knew, she could manage to hold the tears until later. i can understand how she feels - i still cry every time i have to say goodbye to my grown children - but i wait till after they leave. it's hard!
the year was drawing to a close. it was a cold winter night. after a tedious and exciting day, the kids were tucked into bed, now all sound asleep. we were awaiting the arrival of a new one into the family. soon all the adults in the house also retired to bed after wrapping up the chores. in the middle of the night, michael heard a thudding sound. someone was running down the steps. michael switched on the lights. soon many hurried footsteps could be heard. mia was in pain! amidst all the worry and rush, everyone’s heart was also beating with elation. michael seated mia in the car and we all followed. the whole family had been waiting for this moment for nine months! in the hospital, we had to wait impatiently for quite a few hours. poor mia’s screams were getting higher. but no one forgot the night when mia’s final scream got replaced by a newborn’s. everyone’s eyes were watering with boundless joy. we had got a beautiful baby girl for the family. I recently found out that my grandpa did not treat my grandma very kindly. He died about 18 years ago and my grandma died about 7 years ago. Recently I was talking to my dad (who knew about how his dad treated his mom) and found out that how he always put her down and insulted her and my aunt. I guess he wanted a son but was not too pleased when their first child was a daughter and their second child who was a boy was stillborn. I guess he blamed my grandma for that as well. He controlled their money and I guess was just mentally abusive. I remember him being grouchy most of the time but I also remember my grandma being a little grouchy too so I just assumed that’s how they were. I was about 13 when he died. My dad did tell me he was never physically abusive but the whole thing still bothers me. I am told that I take after my other grandpa who would bend over backwards to help people but he died before I was born. Hello Rahma,



The condition of your mother who experienced the complaints as mentioned should not be taken lightly, especially if accompanied by blurred vision. These complaints can be caused by various medical conditions including:



Inflammation of the cornea or part of the eyeball that is black due to infection with fungi, bacteria, viruses, etc. Glaucoma or damage to the nerves in the eye due to increased eye pressure



Because it can be caused by various medical conditions, direct examination by a doctor is necessary. The doctor will examine especially your mother's eyes and perform additional examinations if needed. Treatment will adjust to the underlying cause, which can be eye drops containing antibiotics, anti-inflammatory, anti-fungal, etc.



Some tips that can be done regarding your mother's condition:



Do not rub the eyes Warm compresses on the swollen parts of the eye Do not use eye drops without doctor's instructions Consume nutritious food and get enough rest



If the complaints that your mother is experiencing are getting worse, then it's a good idea to immediately visit an eye doctor to get the right treatment



May be useful



dr. M. Rizki as a child, my mom divorced. it was horrible, the divorce put us poverty. the man she divorced was a good man. he paid more child support than he had to by law. (i wasn't his biological son)i don't blame my mom as she was mentally wired differently than he.they were both 20 when they married,, long story. A.Thank you for writing. I’m sure this is hard to live with. I think you keep having the fantasies because at some point they worked for you. You are a sensitive young woman who has a strong moral compass.

In 7th grade, you knew you had done something wrong and earned the reprimand. But, being you, you couldn’t let it go. You felt so bad about it that you went over it and over it. Crying may have relieved some of the intense feelings of shame and perhaps anger that went with thinking about what happened. If it had stopped there, it would have been an unfortunate reaction to a very usual piece of mischief that kids do.

But being as concerned as you are with right and wrong, any time since then that you have felt accused or reprimanded, it has reminded you of that first time when you were not only wrong but humiliated for it. Your unconscious self then also remembered that crying gave you some relief.

I suspect the “lesson” generalized and you started to cry any time you needed relief from stress. Stress just comes with being a teen so there was probably reason to look for some relief every day. But then you end up feeling bad that you feel bad. That must feel terrible!

Unfortunately, your reaction has become a kind of bad habit. Having practiced it for years, feeling sick or crying is an automatic response to stress.

You need some new ways to handle stress and shame. Maybe you can figure it out yourself but you would probably benefit from seeing a therapist who could give you some new tools and help you practice them. I hope you will consider seeing a licensed therapist to help you with this so you can go forward into adult life with less distressing ways for relieving anxieties and stress.

I wish you well

Dr. Marie

Why Do I Have Abusive Thoughts? A.  You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your daughter has been increasingly isolating herself. Although successful in that she goes to school, her friendship circle is very limited for someone her age. Although it’s not unusual for people to talk through problems or to review their day with themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or their own room, your report that she may be punishing herself by screaming and slapping isn’t typical or okay.


Sometimes our kids can’t tell us what is troubling them so they consciously or unconsciously leave hints around so that we’ll find them. Kids sometimes “accidentally” leave a diary open where we’ll find it or “accidentally” leave a distressing email open on the family computer, for example. It’s their way of sending out a distress signal without having to quite take responsibility for doing so.



I’m guessing your daughter’s lengthy time in the bathroom is something like that. On some level she knows that you will be concerned about a two-hour stay in there.


It’s past time for you to respond to the signal. Find a therapist who specializes in young adults. Ask your doctor for a referral or click on the “Find Help” tab on the PsychCentral homepage. There may also be a behavioral health clinic at her college. Brief the therapist on the phone and ask for some guidance about how to get your daughter to go in. (Sometimes it’s helpful if a parent goes to part of the first session.) 


Then, in a loving way, let your daughter know how concerned you are. Tell her that you know that she is upset and that you want to help. Reassure her that she doesn’t deserve to be punished by herself or by anyone else – no matter what. Insist that she see the counselor. Tell her you are willing to go with her. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Stay in that loving, concerned place.


[Parenting](https://psychcentral.com/lib/category/parenting/) doesn’t end because a child is at the age to start leaving home. We all have to figure out when to let go and when to still pull the “parent card.” In this situation, your daughter is telling you without words that she needs you to be a mom. Please follow through. She sounds like she really needs help.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Daughter Talks to Herself it is natural for a mother and father to bond with their infant unless there is a condition of the mother or infant that interferes such as post partum pain, post partum depression, or a sick newborn. if you have concerns, make them known to your ob or pediatrician. see more... love beats a paid cellphone every time ! and sometimes, though its sad for the firstborn to witness, moms andf even dads may learn something from their mistakes the first time round, and deal with a later child rather better there is surely no reason at all why a friend of your mom&#39;s, who is not a friend of yours, should visit you or take any particular interest in your baby. simply talk calmly to your mom, and explain that while you tolerated this woman at the shower and wedding, you don&#39;t like the woman and do not want her to visit you. your mother ought to udnerstand this. r3emind her that this is your house, your home and your baby, and your privacy must be respected rather than the idle curiosity of this other woman. that sort of person pushes up the social tree exactly because they are insensitive and never take hints This is the great conundrum. Should I stay or should I go. Ultimately only your heart can answer this. But I would consider balancing on a two sided scale the weight of a casual fuck and a baby 👶 and then the weight of your family broken up divorce and spending the rest of your time seeing your kids half the time or less and likely being raised by another step dad. I'm not suggesting you choose one or the other. I'm merely suggesting you weigh in the reality of both sides and what they mean in the long run. I feel for you because I've been there and know it's very very hard. You will know what you must do but take a little time to think before making rash decisions.   
I wish you the best. And hope whatever happens you will be happier for those decisions you make. 😔