I need advice asap?



 Hey guys me and this girl was on and off for 2 years she has a 1 year old and I have no kids we're both 25 I'm more of the school dude she's more of the hood type, anyways long story short she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship with her bd and I came in the pic and gave her a place to stay. she couldn't get a job, met her family and was at both of her sons bday parties from age 1-2 and helped her with her son, diapers, takin him to daycare etc and helping her finacinally, being at the hospital with her when she OD on molly and stuff... me and her son have a bond, she did sonethings in the beginning of our relationship or what she likes to call the talkin stage that i couldn't forgive her fpr and that she lied bout like sleepin with another dude in my house, so i would get with her and break up with her and de ja vu all over again, pretty much a cycle... fast forward a little bit later she got her place and a job and i broke up with her bcaz we got into bout her past and her hurting... a week later i try to reconcile and she says no that i can't keep going back and forth with her and thats not fair to her son who loves me and i love him... so 2 weeks later i try to surprise her with a note and real flowers and roses and she has another dude at her place some guy she use to mess with in her past and when i confronted them she aak wtf was i doing out there and told me to left and i told her when she was down and out she didn't call him, you called me and i was there.. im so devastated and hurt all that time and emotion invested and 3 weeks later she already has another dude from her past there visiting her and her son in her new house... will she regret losing a good guy like me and will I ever hear from her again... I know she's doing her thing with this dude... I just want her to hurt like i am if she ever comes back... I do still kinda lover her... I'm just so hurt... I haven't seen the son since me and her broke up he's 2 by the way now...
never keep throwing the past in someone's face. That's like slapping someone in the face with every little mistake they are trying to still heal from day to day. that's abusive. probably why she held a lot of resentment seeking out comfort from another man.   
another thing is. the on and off shananagens is due to lack of trust and lots of selfishness.   
if you're ever in that position again. learn from it.. always bring someone up no matter what mistakes they're making. 2 wrongs don't make a right. always be the better Samaritan.  
children will always be a sticky situation. always make good choices that suite what you want and what you're mentally, physically and financially mature enough to handle.   
May the force be with you!!!
have you considered couple counseling? this would help to work on the problems that made you separate to begin with...it sounds like you both still love each other... and perhaps the separation has done the relationship some good, in making you both appreciate each other more... if you really want to know if its for real ask her to go to counseling with you... if shes serious about working on the relationship and getting back together.... she will definitely go! you both need to be more open about your feelings, and take the emotional risk if you want it to work out...best wishes!!!!!!!!! A. It is not uncommon for people to have had a few intimate relationships by their late 20s. My guess is that you being a virgin and her having had experience in relationships is at the root of your concern. It is hard to imagine something we have not experienced.

That having been said it is important to note that at this stage of life it is unlikely that you will meet anyone that has not had a past romantic relationship. I would focus on the here and now you have with her. Here is what you have said:

1. She has stopped contact with others. This is a very good sign of her intention and commitment.
2. She has described her relationships in a way that makes sense – meaning that she was not in love and maintained them because she wanted options.
3. Her relationship with you has changed her thoughts and feelings about herself and what she wants.

Taken together this would seem to be a good indication of her commitment and willingness to be a partner with you. Your relationship is new, and this will mean that as you grow together these concerns are likely to take a back seat. Meditation may be an excellent way for you to modulate your feelings and angst about the situation. Over time her commitment to you will dispel these concerns.

Wishing you patience and peace,  
 *Dr. Dan*  
 [*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)

Issue with Girlfriend’s Past plz don't break your relationship... bcoz now u have more responsibilities than before... u have 2 maintain your relationship vth both your hubby and your kid.. treat your hubby also like your baby. give equal importance to both. do wt ever he likes and try to love him more than before. this is a common type of question, in esence, and there is no mystery about how to be helpful  be ubnderstanding, supportive, ask if there is something you can do to help, and above all listen to whatever he may want to discuss about his problems, if and when he wants to talk about it. sounds like you have already been very helpful about arrnaging for him to see a relevant doc, and support groups, etc. maybe he needs to take a bit more initiative about all this, himself ? presumably counselling would help him come to terms better with the divorce and the issues surrounding the children A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me A. I’m very glad that you are asking these questions before you get married. You’ve listed a number of issues that make it difficult for a couple to have a mutually satisfying and happy sex life. Your fiance has suffered a traumatic sexual assault. Religious teachings from an early age may have taught her that sex outside of marriage is morally wrong. On top of that, she is just plain tired.


It is a positive comment on your sensitivity and love that you are seeking answers instead of just being upset or blaming. That speaks well for your relationship. Since the two of you have such a difficult time talking about sex, I think you need some help. A counselor can provide a safe place and guidance so that you can work this through. Since you both have a Christian background, a Christian couples counselor might be a good choice.



I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


How Can My Fiance and I Have a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life? yeah, break up with her, so then she can find a guy better than you. dude, are you kidding me? that's how relationships are, theres going to be arguments and sometimes theres going to be insecurities, and if you're not smart enough to realize she just actually really cares, then you should break up with her so she has a chance with a guy that will. You can't help them. It is there problem not yours. By the sound of it they just aren't in love anymore. It happens. As the child you just have to stay out of it and accept it. I mean they deserve happiness Even if it isn't each other maybe, if she has a self-esteem problem. in the end what you'll get is lots of cuts and bruises, and a bad sexual experience that makes you feel embarrassed every time you think about it for the rest of your life. your former friend is a toxic hypocrite. stay away from her. we all have our drama queen moments, but she's out of control at this point. she's not some 17 or 18 year old kid, she's a grown woman. if she feels that you were mistreating her in the past, she has a right to be upset, but she should talk to you about it in a mature and calm manner, not attack you about it now. but really, she's being hypocritical about mistreatment, when she's been the one embarrassing you in front of other people. i recommend that you continue to go on a separate course. you haven't spoken in a month, it seems that she's moving on with her life, move on with yours. every friendship has struggles, but for her to constantly attack you at this age is just dumb. you don't need that kind of stress. best of luck to you 😊