are you guilty of? or have you ever settled?
sometimes we settle for less than. less than what we really want. less than what we really deserve. all to feel less lonely. but that can actually make you more lonely in the long run.
never settle for less than you deserve in life. you will never be satisfied or happy with the results. jumping back into your familiar pattern will just prolong pain and hurt, and prolong the feeling of loneliness. settle for what you want and what makes you happy, afterall, you are the only one that has to live with that decision. it will save you a lot of trouble and heartaches in the long run. don't settle for less than what you want and deserve. make yourself happy... not anyone else. if you pursue what you want and deserve you will be happier and won't be lonely... you can replace loneliness with happiness and not live in a life filled with discomfort any longer, if you don't accept anything other than no.1, as your standard. accept you are worthy of happiness and you deserve to be happy, not lonely and spinning your wheels.
guilt is rarely a useful response after one has recognized that whatever one did was indeed wrong - the valuable response is then to go on and work out why it was wrong, what to learn from it, and how to avoid doing that again. 
<br/>loneliness is tough, and our society isn't kind to lonely people. and the media ( songs, tv, etc., sells to us an image of lerv that few of us achieve and which isn't actually as practical, easy and desirable as they represent it as. at least phone sex, so long as you limit it to that, is safe sex. 
<br/>work on developing friendships, at work, at church, through voluntary work, hobbies, whatever, and be open to the possibility of love when it turns up. 
<br/>
<br/> Life is what we make of it, so it is really YOU yourself who give your life a purpose. If you feel you need friends, go out and make friends. If this is difficult for you, look up for ways to make friends. There are many sites that give good tips. If you think you need to pep up your life, go out, get a hobby, try something new, be brave and explore. You will not change your life if you don't try.Ultimately, it is down to you to make the effort to do something about it. Sometimes the best way to feel cared for is to go out there and share your love with people (that's why people who volunteer at old folks' homes, shelters or orphanages find joy in what they do - the more love they give, the more loved they feel).   

  

But having a busy social life and having thousands of friends will not make you happier or less pathetic. Try to rethink your values on what is 'pathetic'. Whose values and perspectives are you basing your assumptions on? Who's to say your life is pathetic? Some people have very few friends and don't go out much and can still enjoy their lives because they acknowledge that they don't need to be part of the crowd to be happy or have fulfilling lives.   

  

Also, if you still have family who give you food and shelter and don't abuse you, it's unfair to say nobody cares. the number of times you've posted about this ... 

i don't know if you're being a pest to them, but you're certainly becoming one to *us*. 

sorry, but you've asked about this far, far too often. lower, distress, harm, agitate, damage, trouble, regressing, diminish, upset, disgrace, worsening, shame, discourage, make unhappy, exhaust, enervate, hurt, weak, fatigue, worsen, injure, dull, depress, tire, bring down, sadden, weaken, decline, unenlivened, worry, decrease, bore, subdue, failing, sickly, faltering, dishearten. she needs to be built up...why are people making her feel worse? this should be a place she can feel like she can vent and share her fears without judgment. who are we to make her feel worse....please think about this before you post. think about all those olden times when the apostles acted as ordinary individuals  arguing about who among them was the 'greatest', asking to be seated on the next right and left of their master, running away saving themselves from being implicated time after, even denying and betraying their master in the end. this only proved how 'weak' at heart even an 'apostle' could be. most of us would desire a piece of fame and power. tempted to claim praises anywhere we could. lost at times in our misused words. but just as it was said: "not all that call out "lord!, lord!" are worthy of his name. 

if we judge; we, too, shall be judged. sometimes, our humility barometer isn't working properly? A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone maybe, if she has a self-esteem problem. in the end what you'll get is lots of cuts and bruises, and a bad sexual experience that makes you feel embarrassed every time you think about it for the rest of your life. sometimes the worst punishment is the way people treat you. its terrible when someone accuses you of something and then you have to deal with a wave of hatred and back stabbing, and nobody believes the truth.
its sad that their are so many dishonest people that when a person is a genuine human being they are treated like scum because nobody believes that honesty exists. A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me