Is it bad if I am addicted to a guy?



 There's a guy we met online, ( here on GaG) and I really really love him. We have talked for almost a year. He supported me, cheered me up and he was like. We both was introverted and we had the same interest. We could understand each other and he helped a lot to me. I can tell that we had a good connection. He was my closest friend (and the only one). I could tell him anything. But we got too close, and I didn't want that because I knew that we can never meet, so it was enough for me and I pushed him away. I let him go, because I know that this is better for him. Now I really really miss him. Will I forget him or is it just because I am lonely?
I know how you feel mate. The fact that it was online doesn't make it totally unreal like lots of people would say. There's another person at the other end who is probably equally affected. If you want to move on then try to take all the good things you got from the experience and hold on to them.
You know this question could be answered either way. "Yes, he might be", or "no he really cares". Let's assume he likes talking with you and seeing you at the visitation. He likes that you are showing him attention. There is a chance that this relationship can grow beyond where it would have if he was out. Maybe you get to know each other better and he becomes more into you. Life is too short, you have to let this play out.


I'm sure you have great instincts (your inner feeling already knows), you have to trust yourself enough to make the right decision. Give it some time, try not to be too hard on yourself. He might be a rascal and a dirty dog too, but I vote for giving it a try and see how it plays out. You are in control of this relationship and every inmate knows this fact. Since the inmate loses control of what goes on in the outside world and he will often try to keep that control over the phone or letters. Just trust yourself and what you see and feel. A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me well my advice is to quit the fraternity/sorority immediately. take some english classes and learn to write. and stop letting some childish little club dictate who you can have a relationship with. have him quit too. if he won't forget him and move on. yeah. from my experience, a true friend is the hardest thing you’ll ever find. the older you’ll get, true friends will stick around, and the fake ones will leave. that friend zone is bs mate. the best relationships are many times with someone you are familiar to and really great friends with. my girlfriend now is my best friend and was before we started to date. at first she wasn't sure; so we took it slow. but now we are very much so in love. i wouldn't change anything about how we got together; i wouldn't want to be with anyone else. you two are great friends? all you can do is be there for her; and tell her your honest feelings. this may be awkward and hard to do; but if you really like her it is worth the risk. nobody ever got anywhere important without risking big things. if she doesn't reciprocate these feelings all hope isn't lost; if she is that important to you where you cant move on then don't give up. she may see you in a different light knowing you would not give up on her. meaning if she says no; don't just go for what you can get next. keep to it for a while; months; years even depending on your connection, i waited 5 months until she actually gave us a chance, i told her straightforward that i was the man for her and would prove it to her. all in all it will be worth it because you'd be staying true to yourself. friend zones don't exist; there's just compatible people and non compatible. a friend zone is something people put themselves in when they give up; or when they give up after being told they are like a brother to the girl. don't give up and you will be something different to her; if but a way closer friend than before because your feelings and how much you care for her will be monumentally greater than she realized before hand. A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone guilt is rarely a useful response after one has recognized that whatever one did was indeed wrong - the valuable response is then to go on and work out why it was wrong, what to learn from it, and how to avoid doing that again. 
<br/>loneliness is tough, and our society isn't kind to lonely people. and the media ( songs, tv, etc., sells to us an image of lerv that few of us achieve and which isn't actually as practical, easy and desirable as they represent it as. at least phone sex, so long as you limit it to that, is safe sex. 
<br/>work on developing friendships, at work, at church, through voluntary work, hobbies, whatever, and be open to the possibility of love when it turns up. 
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<br/> ok..first of all: love is a word too big to be brought into this discussion. and second: although u found this question to be awkward, once u stay and think for a minute it isn't like that at all. whether u like it or not, sex is part of our life, and it keeps getting more and more important as time goes by. it is true, a few time ago it was kinda ta-bu subject, but now the "sex topic" is as common as...let's say...listening to music! so in an era that promotes and gives a great importance to sex questions like "do girls fantasize about having sex wen they see a hot guy?" are not out of order. on the other hand, it is obvious that he is more experienced in this subject than u are. as a prove we have your "cry for help" here. remember that: a guy will almost never give up an opportunity to have sex! but this doesn't mean your guy is only interested in having sex with you. in this case maybe he would have asked u out already. my advice is for you not to waste any more time by limiting yourself to only simple conversations with him. this could have 2 implications:
1. you fall for him because his "sweet talks" and maybe this is what he is waiting for.
2. this potential relationship evolves into a simple friendship relation, which would be not so good, since you clearly have feelings for him.
so ask him out, or at least make him ask u out! good luck! have you considered couple counseling? this would help to work on the problems that made you separate to begin with...it sounds like you both still love each other... and perhaps the separation has done the relationship some good, in making you both appreciate each other more... if you really want to know if its for real ask her to go to counseling with you... if shes serious about working on the relationship and getting back together.... she will definitely go! you both need to be more open about your feelings, and take the emotional risk if you want it to work out...best wishes!!!!!!!!! here's your best answer- just tell him your true feelings. he will appreciate you being honest with him.