depression ?
i’ll try to keep this short. i used to love my life. i enjoyed hunting and fishing with my father until i joined the military and moved away. i am now married, have an 18 month old daughter, and hate life more than ever. i’ve struggled with depression for the last 2 years or so. it wasn’t so bad before we had a child but now i have absolutely zero time to do the things i once did. all i do now is work and take care of the baby with maybe an hour or two to myself. sure, i have the weekend to do things however, my wife watches the baby all week while i’m working so i feel bad and want to help as much as i can. the depression has gotten worse over the last few months. i’ve started to think about ways to end my life but i know i can’t do that to my family. i just feel like i’m a rat on a wheel and going absolutely nowhere. i feel so guilty because i love my daughter very much but i also feel like she took a huge part of my life away from me.
don’t feel guilty. i think a lot of people feel this way at some point after having kids, but no one wants to be honest or talk about it. is it not having time that is making you depressed? or is it the loss of freedom? i am a stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old and went through a lot of the same things you’re describing. i can tell you that it gets easier to find time as baby’s sleep gets more predictable. past that, we wound up “splitting” most weekends. i sleep in on saturday morning, and my husband sleeps in on sunday. after i wake up on saturday, he usually goes to play golf, and i go to the movies or brunch or something on sunday. i wish i could give you a magic answer, but you just have to play around with your time and see what works best for you. the worst thing you can do is let yourself get into a rut. try to talk to your wife openly and honestly about what you’re feeling.
i've had depression since childhood. but when i am feeling mentally well and fibro kicks in, it usually brings me back into depression. @a myfibroteam member 

how nice of you to say that. i, like many others, have asked god why? why am i the one who has this painful, incurable illness? why am i the one with major depressive disorder? why am i the one that was sexually assaulted so many times? why am i the one who has had to take care of my sister’s children, help them pay for their educations, and support them as they navigate the waters of this crazy world we live in? why me? i made a conscious decision a few years ago, when my lifelong emotional scares got out of control, that i would make one of the answers to those questions be “to help others navigate through this thing called life”. if i can help just one person feel less alone, or like someone cares, or like there is hope after all i will have succeed at life. if i can help just one person fight back instead of giving in my life has a purpose. as a result, this normally very private person has gradually learned to be very open. i am not ashamed of the things that happened...disappointed or angry yes but not ashamed. i talk openly about how major depressive disorder has affected my life and how i’ve been able to come to terms with it. i talk openly about close brushes with suicide and what worked to get me back to a better place mentally. i talk a little less openly about the impact sexual assault had on every aspect of my life (that one is harder because i’m still working on some of the emotions and reactions around it). i talk openly about the changes i’m having to make as fibromyalgia makes itself more and more obvious in me. i’m not perfect. i still get angry and upset. i still get frustrated. i still feel hopeless sometimes. i feel all the negative emotions everyone else does but if i can help just one person, i will have a reason for all i’ve gone through. perhaps people on this site are that reason. it is my deepest hope that others don’t have to suffer as i have but, if they have, i want to use my god-given caregiver heart to help them through. 

may god bless and keep you. 

shirley More than likely, you're experiencing Compassion Fatigue which is defined as   
 a condition characterized by emotional and physical exhaustion leading to a diminished ability to empathize or feel compassion for others, often described as the negative cost of caring. It is sometimes referred to as secondary traumatic stress.  
  
Google it, and take the test online to see if you suffer from it vs. burnout; there is a big difference. Here is an article on the subject:  
  
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compassion-fatigue  
  
Here's a link to the Compassion Fatigue test for helpers:  
  
https://www.michvma.org/resources/Documents/Prof.%20Competencies/2017%20Proceedings/figley%20self%20assessment%202.pdf  
  
Please don't ever think of yourself as a horrible, careless person! We are all human and as such, have our breaking points, especially after care giving for years on end. Don't think of yourself as some being that should be able to handle all that's thrown at you without breaking down........that's not realistic or healthy. Nor is it realistic or healthy for you to be in such a position to be a personal caregiver to a mother who's been so sick for so long. A nursing home is staffed with teams of caregivers who work around the clock precisely so that one or two people don't have to suffer the tremendous burden that you and your father have been suffering. You're only two people doing the job of a large TEAM of people; so it's no wonder you're feeling this way.  
  
Wishing you the best of luck in finding peace and joy for yourself amidst the duties you've taken on. as a child, my mom divorced. it was horrible, the divorce put us poverty. the man she divorced was a good man. he paid more child support than he had to by law. (i wasn't his biological son)i don't blame my mom as she was mentally wired differently than he.they were both 20 when they married,, long story. No you are not. Need not worry and [vomiting](https://www.lybrate.com/topic/vomiting) was a result of exhaustion caused by travelling. You try to take control of yourself and dont get into [depression](https://www.lybrate.com/topic/depression). It needs detail questioning consult privately. "normal" for a mentally healthy person, no. "normal" for someone with depression, absolutely. i have been in your boyfriends shoes. i have sabotaged countless relationships because of my depression and anxieties. it's like when i need people the most i push them away because i know i'm going to let them down. when i slip back into my depression i am no use to other people. i can't be there for them, i can't go out, i can barely even hold a conversation. it sound to me like he is trying to protect you. he probably doesn't realize he may actually be hurting you and himself with what he is doing. A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me hi i was just wondering if you ever figured out anything with your daughters fear of vomit. i am going through this now and your daughter sounds just like mine.. same age and all. it's bad for her at school and at bedtime.. she thinks about it all the time.. it has even affected her eating. if you get this can you please email me at lrechnitzer@sbcglobal.net. it's terrible to see your child go through this. i hope your daughter is better. lower, distress, harm, agitate, damage, trouble, regressing, diminish, upset, disgrace, worsening, shame, discourage, make unhappy, exhaust, enervate, hurt, weak, fatigue, worsen, injure, dull, depress, tire, bring down, sadden, weaken, decline, unenlivened, worry, decrease, bore, subdue, failing, sickly, faltering, dishearten. he's not addicted to her body, she most likely has narcissistic personality disorder. which means that she is systematically destroying his sense of self in order for her to keep control. i have heard more than one person who knows how to judge these things guess that he will commit suicide in the next few years. which to my eyes is very very sad