After getting cheated on what should I do to feel desirable again?



 My girlfriend of three years cheated on me and the relationship has since ended but I just feel unattractive and like I'm not good enough.
If it helps, really super attractive people get cheated on just as often as grumpy ones. Your looks aren’t a big part of it. Odds are someone cheated on her and she has weird trust issues or she had issues with communication and got lonely because of bottling shit up. Either way, it doesn’t comment on your quality as a partner.
A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me your girlfriend needs to fix things in her head. if she cannot express herself as an adult assertively then move on with your life. have you considered couple counseling? this would help to work on the problems that made you separate to begin with...it sounds like you both still love each other... and perhaps the separation has done the relationship some good, in making you both appreciate each other more... if you really want to know if its for real ask her to go to counseling with you... if shes serious about working on the relationship and getting back together.... she will definitely go! you both need to be more open about your feelings, and take the emotional risk if you want it to work out...best wishes!!!!!!!!! A. It is not uncommon for people to have had a few intimate relationships by their late 20s. My guess is that you being a virgin and her having had experience in relationships is at the root of your concern. It is hard to imagine something we have not experienced.

That having been said it is important to note that at this stage of life it is unlikely that you will meet anyone that has not had a past romantic relationship. I would focus on the here and now you have with her. Here is what you have said:

1. She has stopped contact with others. This is a very good sign of her intention and commitment.
2. She has described her relationships in a way that makes sense – meaning that she was not in love and maintained them because she wanted options.
3. Her relationship with you has changed her thoughts and feelings about herself and what she wants.

Taken together this would seem to be a good indication of her commitment and willingness to be a partner with you. Your relationship is new, and this will mean that as you grow together these concerns are likely to take a back seat. Meditation may be an excellent way for you to modulate your feelings and angst about the situation. Over time her commitment to you will dispel these concerns.

Wishing you patience and peace,  
 *Dr. Dan*  
 [*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)

Issue with Girlfriend’s Past maybe, if she has a self-esteem problem. in the end what you'll get is lots of cuts and bruises, and a bad sexual experience that makes you feel embarrassed every time you think about it for the rest of your life. what? you have a new girlfriend but wish to marry your ex? i think you need to be alone for a bit and sort your head out. yeah, break up with her, so then she can find a guy better than you. dude, are you kidding me? that's how relationships are, theres going to be arguments and sometimes theres going to be insecurities, and if you're not smart enough to realize she just actually really cares, then you should break up with her so she has a chance with a guy that will. with a therapist or psychologist that you trust. such a person will help you sort out what is making you think you were abused and feelings associated with this idea and how this affects you life today. you can find a psychologist close to you here: locator.apa.org find someone who knows about sexual abuse and who you like and who feels safe. see more... A. I’m very glad that you are asking these questions before you get married. You’ve listed a number of issues that make it difficult for a couple to have a mutually satisfying and happy sex life. Your fiance has suffered a traumatic sexual assault. Religious teachings from an early age may have taught her that sex outside of marriage is morally wrong. On top of that, she is just plain tired.


It is a positive comment on your sensitivity and love that you are seeking answers instead of just being upset or blaming. That speaks well for your relationship. Since the two of you have such a difficult time talking about sex, I think you need some help. A counselor can provide a safe place and guidance so that you can work this through. Since you both have a Christian background, a Christian couples counselor might be a good choice.



I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


How Can My Fiance and I Have a Mutually Satisfying Sex Life? you need to win the girl over with looks and personality first before you even get a sniff at knowing how much she loves sex. once you have a relationship it will blow you mind how much the average girl needs sex. most of the girls i know want it at least as much as the guys.