is it silly to get upset when my boyfriend asks for alone time but is online gaming with his friends?
my partner (28) often gets into low moods where he asks for some time alone to wind down as he doesn’t want to come across moody with me. i respect this and give him this time, however lately he will go over 10+ hrs not texting me but is online speaking with his friends until early hours. he says it’s nothing to do with us, and he is very much an avid texter so it’s not like he’s one of these people who just don’t text. i know i shouldn’t dictate how he spends his chill time, so do i have any right to feel upset?
different people decompress in different ways; this is just how he does it. his relationship with his friends is not the same as the one with you; he gives you more and so it takes more out of him.strange as it sounds, this is actually a good sign: he's committed to you, wants to give you his best, has other friends, and uses them as a healthy coping mechanism. it sounds like the problem is that he's indulging it a bit much of late, yes? if he says it's nothing to do with you, he likely has some serious stress he's trying to deal with- or perhaps one of his friends does. now, your awareness of and respect for his need for solitude is also a good thing, but if you need more from him than you're getting, it's not unreasonable to ask. i'd be careful in the phrasing, however; "i want you to spend more time with me", while reasonable, can come across as a demand. something like "i've noticed you've been spending a lot more time alone, gaming with your friends lately. i know you use this to work off stress, and i'm wondering if everything's okay. is there anything i can do to help?" not only sends the message that his needs are legitimate, it's more likely to be seen as concerned than accusatory. his reaction may also give you some insight into how he sees it and what it means to him- if he thinks of those he's playing with as his friends, he's obviously not doing it alone; if they're just some people he plays with, that's less likely to be a sticking point.it's not silly to want him to make you a high priority for his time, and it seems like you have a decent understanding that he's a separate person with his own needs and desires (a surprising number of people don't). if you want him to communicate with you more, it's okay to ask- but go in thinking of it is a request, not a demand. relationships are about give and take, not about conforming to a preconceived ideal.
A. It’s difficult to assess the seriousness of this on the basis of only a letter so let me just share a couple of thoughts.

People by nature tend to fall somewhere on a scale from introvert to extrovert. It may be that at least part of this is that you are on the introvert end of the scale. There is nothing wrong with that! But, the larger culture celebrates extroverts. In high school, the general idea is that everyone is supposed to be outgoing and popular. Of course, not everyone can be. Not everyone wants to be. So let’s at least assume that part of what goes on is that you have a more restrained approach to life. One thing that supports this is that you do have a couple of close friends and that seems to be enough for you.

As for being out with others: I wonder if you have developed the skills you need to be comfortable out in the social world. Introverts can and do learn how to manage social situations enough so that they can be successful in their careers and can find loving relationships. Notice that I said “skills”. Skills are behaviors you can learn (like how to make small talk, how to be an active listener, how to be a good communicator, etc.). As you get more practiced in these skills, you will be more comfortable being with people for longer periods of time. But you will still need your alone time to “recover” from a lot of social interaction.

The line in your letter that does worry me is your statement that you can spend hours holed up in your room and in bed. Yes, you may need time to recharge your social batteries but it would do a lot more for your self-esteem if you would use that time to pursue an interest or to do something to make the world a better place. Think about ways to support a cause or candidate or to educate yourself about something you are genuinely interested in. You will feel better about yourself than if you just hang out wondering if there is something wrong with you. An important bonus is that it will give you more to talk about when you are with people.

I hope this is helpful. I wish you well.  
 Dr. Marie

I Want or Need to Be Alone He works for a private defense contractor, and the state!?


Why would his employers be the slightest bit interested in a squabble between exes? 


More importantly, why are you interested, and why would this person's employers have give you the time of day? From what you say here, you have no evidence nothing but idle gossip and unsubstantiated accusations.


Best if you stay out of it and mind your own business--that way you do not become involved in something you have no business being involved with.


Let your friend take appropriate steps with the authorities or with the website owners themselves to secure his/her social networking access. don’t feel guilty. i think a lot of people feel this way at some point after having kids, but no one wants to be honest or talk about it. is it not having time that is making you depressed? or is it the loss of freedom? i am a stay at home mom to a 2 1/2 year old and went through a lot of the same things you’re describing. i can tell you that it gets easier to find time as baby’s sleep gets more predictable. past that, we wound up “splitting” most weekends. i sleep in on saturday morning, and my husband sleeps in on sunday. after i wake up on saturday, he usually goes to play golf, and i go to the movies or brunch or something on sunday. i wish i could give you a magic answer, but you just have to play around with your time and see what works best for you. the worst thing you can do is let yourself get into a rut. try to talk to your wife openly and honestly about what you’re feeling. You know this question could be answered either way. "Yes, he might be", or "no he really cares". Let's assume he likes talking with you and seeing you at the visitation. He likes that you are showing him attention. There is a chance that this relationship can grow beyond where it would have if he was out. Maybe you get to know each other better and he becomes more into you. Life is too short, you have to let this play out.


I'm sure you have great instincts (your inner feeling already knows), you have to trust yourself enough to make the right decision. Give it some time, try not to be too hard on yourself. He might be a rascal and a dirty dog too, but I vote for giving it a try and see how it plays out. You are in control of this relationship and every inmate knows this fact. Since the inmate loses control of what goes on in the outside world and he will often try to keep that control over the phone or letters. Just trust yourself and what you see and feel. A.  You are right to be concerned. It sounds like your daughter has been increasingly isolating herself. Although successful in that she goes to school, her friendship circle is very limited for someone her age. Although it’s not unusual for people to talk through problems or to review their day with themselves in the privacy of the bathroom or their own room, your report that she may be punishing herself by screaming and slapping isn’t typical or okay.


Sometimes our kids can’t tell us what is troubling them so they consciously or unconsciously leave hints around so that we’ll find them. Kids sometimes “accidentally” leave a diary open where we’ll find it or “accidentally” leave a distressing email open on the family computer, for example. It’s their way of sending out a distress signal without having to quite take responsibility for doing so.



I’m guessing your daughter’s lengthy time in the bathroom is something like that. On some level she knows that you will be concerned about a two-hour stay in there.


It’s past time for you to respond to the signal. Find a therapist who specializes in young adults. Ask your doctor for a referral or click on the “Find Help” tab on the PsychCentral homepage. There may also be a behavioral health clinic at her college. Brief the therapist on the phone and ask for some guidance about how to get your daughter to go in. (Sometimes it’s helpful if a parent goes to part of the first session.) 


Then, in a loving way, let your daughter know how concerned you are. Tell her that you know that she is upset and that you want to help. Reassure her that she doesn’t deserve to be punished by herself or by anyone else – no matter what. Insist that she see the counselor. Tell her you are willing to go with her. Don’t argue. Don’t get mad. Stay in that loving, concerned place.


[Parenting](https://psychcentral.com/lib/category/parenting/) doesn’t end because a child is at the age to start leaving home. We all have to figure out when to let go and when to still pull the “parent card.” In this situation, your daughter is telling you without words that she needs you to be a mom. Please follow through. She sounds like she really needs help.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Daughter Talks to Herself i know what ur saying! true, you should feel comfortable with your stylist, but some of us just arent that damn social! if this is you, there are a couple options to try out. first, think of some back up conversations to have just in case you find that awkward silence. if you dont wanna do that, bring your ipod (depending on what youre having done). if you cant wear earbuds, start texting random people on your phone or bring a book. or if that seems rude to you, mention right away that either you are tired and apologize in advance for being kinda zombie-ish, or that you feel like crap today but forced yourself outta bed to get to the salon. plus, ya never know... maybe the stylist will be relieved that they dont have to make small talk either! or if they still insist on talking, keep redirecting the attention back to your hair. ask lots of ?. it gives you something to talk about at least!! good luck! here's your best answer- just tell him your true feelings. he will appreciate you being honest with him. you do nothing. 

but you could advise your bf to tell his aunt that he is uncomfortable with the information she is telling him and that he would appriciate it if she stoped.

your bf has to do something about it, not you. Your question is unclear. I would expect your attorney to be empathetic to you. Comforting words and understanding would likely be appropriate, but is not necessary. looks like he’s using a texting app which uses data not texts