My boyfriend broke up with me because of his parents disapproval. Is this worth saving?



 Hello all.. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. I’ve known him for almost a year and honestly, he is the best boyfriend over ever had. I’m not exaggerating. He treats me with love, respect and kindness. After breaking up with my abusive boyfriend a year ago, I thought I’d never find a good guy and I found him surprisingly. I have been incredibly happy since we got together.  
  
Well, my whole world came crashing down on me.. My boyfriend is Indian and his parents are traditional Indians from India. My boyfriend is very American and he’s Catholic, something his parents took years to accept, but he still has traditions to be apart of..  
  
Last night, my boyfriend finally told his parents he had a girlfriend. And according to him, they took it very badly. They told him he needed to focus on finishing college and being someone before having a girlfriend. They also mentioned that me not being Indian would cause culture issues. He said he spent all day trying to change their minds, but that they do not approve of his relationship with me.  
  
He basically told me we had to break up.. I was in utter disbelief. I have not been liked due to my race, but It nothing to this magnitude. I spent all last night trying to talk to my boyfriend but he said he felt it was hopeless because his parents have a certain way of thinking and they are paying his way through college and he doesn’t want to go against them. He said I deserved to be with someone who didn’t have these issues and be with someone who’s family would accept me without question. He said he loved me and wanted to be friends, but I felt like I was drowning when he said this all this.  
  
In my mind, I can’t just give up and let this go. I feel like I have to fight for my relationship. He said we can still hang out and talk but that we cannot do anything romantic as he felt like he would be lying to them and being unfair to me.   
  
Does this sound hopeless? Should I try talking to his parents? Should I try to fight for him?
First of all, you can't fight for a relationship your partner is not ready to protect. He's given it up and you fighting for it is completely useless at the moment..   
  
I understand what he's going through because my culture is strict since I'm Arab. So I undersyand how stressed and pressured he must feel for disobeying his parents. I bet he feels guilty enough for changing his religion, so having a girlfriend makes him feel even more guilty.   
  
If he chose to leave the relationship although he truly loved you then he has a good reason for it. I imagine he doesn't want you to have a bad future with him where his parents won't ever approve of your relationship, And he wants to avoid that family drama for your and his own good.   
  
U can have one last talk to him and tell him to rethink it because to be honest, right now this relationship depends solely on him. And I think he might have been really influenced by his parents so he made a rushed decision, maybe a wise one, but still rushed. If he takes his time he might change his mind.
A. If you are going to marry your fiancé, you will have to tolerate his children and ex-wife. It is unfair and unrealistic to ask him to cut ties with his children no matter how dysfunctional they or his ex-wife may be. He is their father and will likely have some involvement with them for the rest of his life.

You have a decision to make. If you decide to marry him, then accept that his family will be part of your life. If you don’t wish to be involved with his family, then strongly reconsider your decision to get married.

Every decision has consequences. Objectivity and clarity are of paramount importance when making major life decisions. It might be helpful to discuss this decision with a therapist. A therapist could assist you in thinking through what your life would be like with or without him and by extension with or without his family. Please take care.

Dr. Kristina Randle

Fiancé Kid Issues When He Doesn’t See Kids A.  I am deeply moved by your situation and understand the devastation following a desertion. Trying to understand his motivation and lack of caring re-injures you emotionally. No matter how many times you try to understand this story of betrayal it will leave you empty. This is a time to reclaim yourself and reconnect with those who love you — and whose care can fill you up. Building a network of social support takes some doing. Asking for help, expressing gratitude toward those who have extended their kindness, and immersing in the best self-care practices you can will help you feel better.


Thoughts determine the direction of our feelings and behavior. If you dwell on him you are turning your thoughts toward more difficult and unsatisfying feelings. Focusing on what you need and the loving people in your life will be better way to go.



Wishing you patience and peace,  

*Dr. Dan*  

[*Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral*](http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/author/danielt/)


Struggling to Accept that He Doesn’t Care about Me this is a common type of question, in esence, and there is no mystery about how to be helpful  be ubnderstanding, supportive, ask if there is something you can do to help, and above all listen to whatever he may want to discuss about his problems, if and when he wants to talk about it. sounds like you have already been very helpful about arrnaging for him to see a relevant doc, and support groups, etc. maybe he needs to take a bit more initiative about all this, himself ? presumably counselling would help him come to terms better with the divorce and the issues surrounding the children plz don't break your relationship... bcoz now u have more responsibilities than before... u have 2 maintain your relationship vth both your hubby and your kid.. treat your hubby also like your baby. give equal importance to both. do wt ever he likes and try to love him more than before. I'm sure he wasn't "illegally" taken by the state, since the state is the one that makes the rules. You may not agree with their decision, but that doesn't make it illegal. 


You'll have to review the custody order to see who has the final decision regarding school placement. My guess is that if the father has custody, then he probably has the final decision, but it could be different. You may want to consult with an attorney to review the order. Your question is unclear. I would expect your attorney to be empathetic to you. Comforting words and understanding would likely be appropriate, but is not necessary. here's your best answer- just tell him your true feelings. he will appreciate you being honest with him. wow marlboro! yikes! ouch! even though i&#39;ve been working with queer issues for many years i am still struck by what you&#39;ve told us. it is a very sad reflection on our society, where same-sex marriage is legal, that parents can throw gay youth out of their homes. ignorance and prejudice run very deep.<br><br>what are your ages?<br> do you have concerns ( which previous generations more commonly had ) about whether a dad ought to be rough and toughen the lad up versus being nurturing and pleasant ? <br><br>not that long back the latter was the norm - it didn&#39;t do growing boys any good, and often left them confused, and experiencing difficulties in demonstrating the gentleness that is so much a part of manliness, which doesn&#39;t solely consist of being rough and tough. <br><br>how did your own father relate to you ? often, in ways we don&#39;t altogether realize, the model of how to be fatherly is one we absorb from what we see and experience. well my advice is to quit the fraternity/sorority immediately. take some english classes and learn to write. and stop letting some childish little club dictate who you can have a relationship with. have him quit too. if he won't forget him and move on.