What to do?



My married grandmother who is 63, has been taking care of my 87 year old great-grandpa. She lives in house with him. She is a diabetic, and her health isn't the greatest. He is well over 300lbs, over this past year his health has declined. He has been in and out of the hospital, and rehab to help him get stronger. The doctors have declared him as a fall risk, and he has stopped getting out of bed as much. He has started peeing the bed, and relying on my grandma to clean and care for him. He won't let her bathe him. My grandmother, is becoming wore out, and her health has started to decline as well. There are days when you can tell my great-grandfathers mental state is starting to detoriate. He is a very stubborn man, and gets ill with her, and her husband ((her husband)who now refuses to even come over when he is home off the road). He refuses to hire in home help, or go to a nursing home. My grandma can't handle the physical aspects of this situation anymore. Her husband is an over the road truck driver, when he comes home she never gets to see him. Her husband had threatened to divorce her if something doesn't change. My great grandfather has meals on wheels delivered Monday-Friday. My grandma can't leave him at the house by himself for even 10 minutes to run to the store per doctors orders. We are wondering what she can do. She can't physically take care of him anymore, and he refuses in home help, and well as a nursing home facility.
The answer can be complex depending on what your grandmother is willing to do/accept. Does your grand mother have Power of Attorney for his medical care and finances???? Is your grandmother willing to put her health and marriage first?? If not, it gets very complicated.  
  
1)The Area Agency on Aging is in every county in the USA. She can contact them to come out to evaluate your great grand father for his needs. They offer help with various situations. It is based on income level.  
  
2)Having a Power of Attorney (POA) is a necessity to make legal decisions for another persons medical/finance.  
  
3) If your grandmother does not have a POA and your great-grandfather refuses to get one, there is only one way that I know about to help your grandmother, but only if she is willing to be very strong against her father.'  
  
She can take her father to the ER for medical issue. Then she would have to be very strong to say, "I cannot take care of him." What happens, is the state steps in and he would be placed in a facility if it is determined he cannot take care of himself. Many of had to do this, it sounds drastic, but sometimes it is the only solution when the caregiver is having their own health issues to take care of. The hospital will pressure your grandmother so she will have to stand her ground.   
  
Maybe someone else will have more to offer you than I do. Good luck, and I hope something can be done.
A.  I think your analysis of the situation is correct. Your husband’s fears about not being able to perform are bigger than his concern for his 21 year marriage. Imagine how big those fears must be! The doctors who were trying to help weren’t helpful in that they treated the physical problem without taking into account the emotional message of their interventions. I wish they had talked to him about how normal it is for a man who is under lots of pressure to have trouble performing. I wish they had included you in the discussions.


You probably can’t help him understand that he is running away. At this point, he’s had 10 years of believing that whatever is wrong can’t be fixed. For that reason, I think it would be more helpful for you to start going to a therapist yourself — not because I think you are the patient here but because your relationship is in trouble. When one member of a couple has a problem, the couple has a problem. When one member of a couple starts to go to [therapy](https://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/) and starts learning new ways to manage stress, it shows. Often that makes the other member of the couple willing to give it a try. Work with a therapist who can hear your whole story and who can give you suggestions about how to approach your husband in new ways. 



You’ve done what you can on your own. Your husband is a lucky man indeed to have a wife who is as understanding and as willing to help as you are. But both you and your husband are missing out on the intimacy that is a special part of a long marriage. For that reason, I encourage you to make an appointment and get started with therapy. 


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


Work as Avoidance Technique she might be depressed. judicious low dose treatment might help her.... and you. see a geriatrician. A.  I’m sorry that this is happening to you. I have worked with many families who have faced a similar situation. Your predicament is fairly common. As you noted, the law prohibits forcing someone into treatment unless a case can be made that they are a danger to themselves or to others. Imminent danger standards, make it very difficult for many people to receive help until something happens.


I would recommend becoming educated about your potential options. Start by googling “Georgia and involuntary commitment laws.” You should be able to find good information about civil commitment options in your state. According to my research, for inpatient treatment, an individual would have to meet the following criteria:


1. pose an imminent danger to self/others, evidenced by recent overt acts or expressed threats of violence OR are
2. unable to care for their own physical health and safety so as to create an imminently life endangering crisis and in need of involuntary treatment.



For outpatient treatment, a person must meet the following criteria:


1. based on treatment history or current mental status, requires outpatient treatment in order to avoid imminently becoming an impatient AND
2. is unable to voluntary seek or comply with outpatient treatment.


You might try contacting your local mental health crisis team. They may be willing to come to the home, evaluate your mother’s condition and assist her in obtaining treatment.


You should also explore guardianship laws in your state. If possible, consult a guardianship attorney to determine if anything can be done to assist your mother. At 71, it’s possible that she’s experiencing a mix of [mania](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/manic-episode/) and potentially dementia. Guardianship may be an option.


I would also recommend consulting the local National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) groups in your state. Here is a [link](https://namiga.org/) to the NAMI organization for your state. NAMI offers free support groups in communities across the country for individuals caring for loved ones with serious mental illness. They can help you to navigate the mental health system. Contact them for support and assistance.


I hope these ideas assist you in helping your mother. Please write again if you have additional questions.


Dr. Kristina Randle



How Do We Get My [Bipolar](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/bipolar/) Mania Mom to Go Get Help? I recently found out that my grandpa did not treat my grandma very kindly. He died about 18 years ago and my grandma died about 7 years ago. Recently I was talking to my dad (who knew about how his dad treated his mom) and found out that how he always put her down and insulted her and my aunt. I guess he wanted a son but was not too pleased when their first child was a daughter and their second child who was a boy was stillborn. I guess he blamed my grandma for that as well. He controlled their money and I guess was just mentally abusive. I remember him being grouchy most of the time but I also remember my grandma being a little grouchy too so I just assumed that’s how they were. I was about 13 when he died. My dad did tell me he was never physically abusive but the whole thing still bothers me. I am told that I take after my other grandpa who would bend over backwards to help people but he died before I was born. go and see him, it can be fatal. infections can lead to septicaemia... having had surgery his immunity will be weak, you really should go and see him if you want to. i don't want to be pessimistic, but at the age of 80 he's not going to bounce back. A.  You wouldn’t go to a pediatrician if you had cancer. You wouldn’t go to a kidney specialist if you had heart trouble. All doctors are not alike. Sometimes we have to go to the right specialist to get the help we need. In your case, you need both a psychiatrist and a therapist who work together to get the right care.


The treatment of choice for your problems is a combination of medication and talk [therapy](https://psychcentral.com/psychotherapy/). [OCD](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/ocd/) and [anxiety](https://psychcentral.com/disorders/anxiety/) disorders can be treated and managed successfully. Generally, patients see their therapist weekly and, after an initial period of weekly visits to get the medication right, they see their psychiatrist every few months. When the two professionals are working in the same practice, they are able to confer with each other easily and work together to give you good care.



I understand that you have been afraid to see a mental health professional because of your grandfather’s experience. But treatments have changed considerably since your grandfather’s time. From the little you shared, I also suspect he had a much different problem.


To find a specialist, ask your primary care doctor for a referral to a practice. You can also go to the “Therapist Locator” on the homepage of PsychCentral.


Please don’t hesitate to make an appointment for an initial session. The clinician will listen to your story and will make suggestions. (Take your letter with you if you want to jump start the conversation.) You are under no obligation to follow through with the treatment plan that is proposed. But I hope you do. You’ve suffered far too long.


I wish you well.  

Dr. Marie


I Have Struggled for Years Hello. Diabetes comes with multiple issues but all are controllable and treatable. Pain is mostly caused by diabetic neuropathy. Feet are to be taken care as much as a face. Stict diabetes control and life style modification are the key to control diabetes related problems. Feel free to consult to get in details. that sounds rough, i am sorry you aren't feeling well. my advice is just go to a different hospital to get a different view on your situation. please don't hold off on it, this problem really needs to be taken care of. if this is old news, just a bad habit. if new onset, you need to see an ophthalmologist/neurologist to rule out any neurological disease. see more... hi,
welcome to icliniq.com.
aneurysms of blood vessels of the limbs are better treated than left alone because they will not decrease by themselves and can lead to rupture with day-to-day activity.
the risk of rupture is increased with,
direct injury to the site.
raised blood pressure.
the large size of an aneurysm to begin with.
some diseases of the blood vessels and connective tissues.
in your husband's case, it is a relatively small one. an important thing that you can do is lower the blood pressure from 140/90 mmhg to 120/80 mmhg. the first step in that is usually the reduction of salt in the diet to less than 2-5 g per day.
rupture of such an aneurysm is not a very risky affair, but the treatment might get complicated. so, it is better to get it evaluated.
your husband's ultrasound report can shed light on the specifics of the problem lesion and help decide options that would be available. so, if you need any more information, please upload the ultrasound report and follow up.
revert with the ultrasound report to a general surgeon online --> https://www.icliniq.com/ask-a-doctor-online/general-surgeon