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Lab Rats, 2012 1. Let The Mystery Be
Chase Davenport was walking down the hall of Mission Creek High with his bionic brother and sister, and his normal stepbrother. He listened to Bree and Adam argue over some test -Bree would likely win- and heard Leo pleading with him. "Oh, come on man, just _one_ super-sense-eavesdropped-embarrasing- bit of information? Please! I'll...be your best friend!" Leo was desperate, and Chase understood and sympathized with him more than Leo knew. Didn't mean he was going to- _I like Lucy Harding_. Chase put a hand to his ear. He had just heard Jake the jock's voice in his head. Which was impossible- _I hope Ian_ _doesn't think I'm ugly!_ There was Bree's voice in his head. It sounded like their thoughts in their voices, but in his head. He hoped it wasn't a new bionic from Bree, mimicking voices and planting them in heads. Then it struck him. _Maybe it's a new ability!_ He decided to test if what he had hear was true.
"Leo, Jake's the one being a jerk to you, right?" Chase asked, trying to keep his hazel eyes calm, not filled with the excitement of a new bionic, if this was a new bionic of course. He focused on Jake, staring into his forehead as if he could physically see the thoughts. He strained himself mentally, pushing with everything until he got it. _Lucy's over there? Should I ask her out or beat up Dooley? Girls like strong men, right?_ Chase smiled. So Jake _did_ like Lucy Harding.
"Leo, Jake has a crush on Lucy Harding." Chase turned to Leo, who was grinning ear to ear. Lucy Harding was the nerdiest girl in school. Chase allowed a grin on his own face. He had gained telepathy! He wouldn't tell Leo though, not wanting to be bugged all the time, at least not until after he'd trained it a little. And had some fun of his own. "Adam, can you come with me for a sec?" Leo had a devilish smile on his face, obviously planning on using his newfound information against Jake. Adam's brown eyes stared back blankly. "Why?"
"I'm going to antagonize some jocks, and want some muscle so I don't get beaten to a pulp." Leo's eyes were fixed on Jake, already dreaming of what he could extort from him. Adam shrugged his assent, and both departed. Bree rolled her eyes. "I'm heading to my locker to get the boy scent off me." Bree had just begun turning when Chase blurted, "Why? To go pretty yourself up for Ian?"
Bree's eyes were blazing when she did a 180 to face him. "Excuse me? Where did you get that from?" Bree placed her hands on her hips, and Chase felt his palms grow sweaty. "I may or may not have overheard it per Leo's request." Chase lied smoothly, figuring Leo owed him one for the tip on Jake. Bree's eyes went murderous. "Leo is so dead!" She stomped off in the direction of Adam and Leo. Chase snickered to himself._ I'd love to see that fight- time to torment more students!_ Chase groaned inwardly. Principal Perry was nearby.
"Hello, shorty, backpack search, someone stole my calendar of pictures of me and my sweeties!" Perry lunged for the backpack, and Chase allowed it. Not like he had anything to hide. "So who are your sweeties? Obviously not a boyfriend." Chase knew she meant her cats, but it was hilarious to see her furious expression. He gave her his best 'I'm sorry' look. She threw his backpack across the room and stormed off. He picked it up, and heard the school bell toll. All that stood between him and the lab was study hall. Perfect.
...
Chase was waiting for his siblings in the schools' atrium. He tapped his foot against the locker in boredom. He wanted to be out of here before that bell rang. He didn't go insane, but it wasn't pleasant, either. _Just like Principal Perry._ Chase finally caught sight of Adam, Bree, and Leo. His super hearing told him they were amicably talking of Jake's extortion. "If they don't bully me, no one finds out about Jake's crush on Lucy." Leo was wearing the biggest smile Chase had ever seen on him yet. Leo looked down at his watch. "A minute until school is out. I'm leaving early. Adam, you coming? Mom's making cookies today!" Adam, at the mention of food , dashed off, almost rivaling Bree, who stayed put.
"I have homework to get from my locker. Why don't you go after them?" Bree opened her locker and fished out her textbook and some paper, packed it in her bag, and zipped it shut. Chase heard the bell ring. All the students flooded the atrium, and he was assaulted by snippets of thought. _Test Hard. Basketball. Trent sucks. Mom will kill me. Home!_ Chase put his hand to his forehead as if he had a headache. _Stop it!_ He heard everyone freeze, before someone called out, "Hey! Did anybody hear that?" Quiet audible chatter sprang up in the form of suspicious whispers, and Chase turned his head to see a glare from Bree.
"Well, _someone_ discovered a new ability. Are you taking bionic steroids? You have so many more than me and Adam!" She didn't sound jealous, though she had a right to be. "Maybe because I'm the youngest," He tried to shrug it off. He didn't want to tell her about how he had room for their bionics, as well as his own. They may have figured it out, but Douglas hadn't mentioned it specifically. Bree gave him a questioning stare, dropping the topic. "What is it, exactly?" She inquired. Chase rubbed his head nervously.
"Telepathy." She slugged him in the shoulder.
"So that's how you knew about..." Her cheeks flushed. "Ian." Her voice took on a dreamy tone. Chase was suddenly glad he wasn't a girl. His phone buzzed at the same time as Bree's. She sighed. It was Mr. Davenport with a mission.
...
"What do we have?" Bree asked as they entered the lab. Davenport turned to face them. "A facility was testing out some nuclear power, and then some of the walls caved and the reactor is overheating. I need you to shut it down, eliminate the threat, or, absolute last resort, abort mission. The facility has been evacuated already. Any questions-no, Leo, you can't go on this mission." Leo's hand slowly fell. Chase, Bree, and Adam all swapped into their mission suits, and headed out.
...
Chase and his siblings were investigating rooms down yet another long hallway. Bree let out a continuous groan. "There is nothing here. Why were we sent to a stupid empty facility with no stupid reactor." Chase heard the tiniest footstep, inaudible to everyone but him. He turned. A dozen guys had guns pointed at he and his siblings. Chase put his hands up, and a blue force field sprung up. The guns fired, darts bouncing off the blue wall. _At least we're wanted alive._ Chase called out to Adam and Bree, who had heard the gunfire and seen the men by now. "Find a secure room to lock us in while I figure out what to do." He ordered. Falling back to a single room was suicide, but it'd be easier to defend, and he didn't exactly remember the way out. Every hallway looked the same. Bree zipped in and out of rooms. Finally she found one, and they barricaded themselves in it. Chase began pacing, scanning the room and its surroundings. One of the walls was only 12 feet thick, and let out into the yard. Chase breathed a sigh of relief. They had an escape plan for a fake mission, because he had no radiation signals. Chase walked over to Adam. "If you can cut a tunnel about this wide" -he showed the length and width with his arms on the wall- "we can get out. "
Adam nodded, and his eyes flared red. Bree began pacing too. "At this rate, it'll take Adam thirty minutes to create the tunnel." Chase informed Bree, having done the calculations in his head. "I'm sure you'll be home in time for your date." Whatever she replied, he didn't receive, because a stray thought entered his mind. _Davenport will pay me well for just one of those kids. Wonder why he wants 'em._ Chase went over to Bree, since she actually knew about his telepathy.
"Bree...should I have told Mr. Davenport about my telepathy?" That was what was weighing on his conscience. And since the last time he'd failed to tell Mr. Davenport about a new ability had caused him to Leo things up, he needed reassurance that it wasn't a continual phenomenon. She shook her head. "I doubt it would've changed anything. We'd still be stuck in here, with guys with guns trying to bust in...why would Mr. Davenport send us on a fake mission? He wouldn't try to get us killed, would he? He's our dad." She sounded like she needed a hug, so Chase gave her one and pulled away.
"I'm sure it's a test to see how we respond to changes. The men have dart guns anyway. I'm sure there's no reason to freak out." He kept a calm face, but inwardly began to panic. _Would Mr. Davenport betray us? Of course not!_ Chase mentally shook himself. He had to stay strong; he was their leader.
"Wait, Chase, just mind control them like you did those students!" Bree clapped her hands together. Chase relaxed. He could do this, he'd done it before. He imagined the men, banging and bashing on the door, and tried to see thoughts in their minds, and twisted them to say _'Stop, we should just go back to our lives.'_ It didn't work. No connection, he could sense that much. He punched the wall in frustration, leaving a small dent. He was stronger than the average human after all. Bree patted his shoulder.
"Don't worry, Adam'll tunnel us out, and you can train your ability." Chase nodded, not really agreeing. He felt useless, like Adam or Bree would always have to rescue him. _Should I even be team leader, or is Davenport trying to make me seem useful other than brains?_ He was broken out of that thought by a loud crash. Chase looked at the door, stepping in front of Bree. It looked like one of the three metal hinges had been broken. He felt himself panic.
"Adam! Please try to hurry up!"
"Trying!" He received as a response. Chase took another calming breath. Bree voiced the problem they all knew, if not acknowledged. "Two more and we're finished. Adam, how far done are you?" Chase turned. His heart sank. Adam was halfway done, no way they could hold out that long. He realized he wasn't panicking. Because deep down, he knew what he had to do.
"Bree, I'm going to go out there and cause a distraction. Help Adam in any way you can. I'll be back soon, if I'm not, just go through the tunnel and hide for fifteen minutes. If I don't show up then...leave." Bree shook her head stubbornly. "No. I'm team leader, I wasn't prepared for this. I'm responsible for keeping you safe, so shut up and deal with it. And nothing is going to happen to me." He said that last part with as much confidence as he could fake. Which was a lot. Bree looked relieved. "And if you fail, which you probably will, someone's going to have to save you." Chase knew she was trying to joke, and appreciated her for her efforts, though they didn't help much. He approached the door, opened and closed it without hesitation, finding himself on the unsafe side of the door.
He sprinted to the left while the men were stunned, relieved to see ten chasing him. He slowed a little, just to make sure they could see him. He was faster than any fit human when he tried, and some of these men were not too fit. He heard and sensed darts whistling, dodging them with ease due to using his molecularkinesis as a sense of sorts, occasionally using it to throw the darts away or back at them. He took lefts and rights and straights and realized he was lost, and losing the guys. He rounded another corner just in time to have a dart slam into his chest.
...
Bree was pacing a hole in the floor. It didn't show, but if Chase didn't appear soon, it would appear in his place. She cast a glance at Adam's tunnel. Nearly done, another inch to go. And the lackeys outside had stopped banging, he must've succeeded, so what was keeping him? _Maybe he's lost?_ Bree giggled, the human GPS, lost. The brief laughter was consumed by Adam's exclamation of: "I'm done! Who's the man?" He held up both hands for a high five, receiving only a glare from his sister. "Sorry I'm excited about busting us out of here. Where's Chase, did we lose him again? He's so short it's easy." Bree wanted to punch him for making short jokes at a time like this, but instead crawled through the newly made tunnel, almost fainting with joy at the sight of grass.
Adam followed after, and rolled around in the grass like a dog. Bree gave an exasperated sigh and dragged him over to some cover. She radioed in their chopper, which would be there in 25 minutes. So they just had to wait for Chase. 5 minutes passed. She began to develop a tingling. 10 minutes passed. She felt every bad possibility run through her head. 15 minutes. She shook her head. She refused to accept the fact he was...gone. _No._ 20 minutes. She wiped away a tear. Chase was gone, and she could do nothing. Or wasn't willing to do anything. She grabbed Adam and bolted for the airfield. Was she running away from the men, or the fact she left Chase? She didn't know the answer.
...
Donald Davenport was not particularly happy. Especially not when worried. From what he could make out from Bree's static-filled communication, something bad had happened, and they'd been set up. They were alive, ad unhurt, and that mattered most. Donald's thigh was bouncing up and down in his chair. He rushed toward them and hugged them the second they walked into the lab. Until he realized there were two, and Bree was crying. Donald took a step back. _No, no no no no..._
"I'm sorry. It's my fault! I left him and he didn't come out!" Bree was weeping at this point, and Donald drew her in tight. She never cried easily. Adam looked upset, but determined.
"We're going to search for him right? Send a team into the facility?" Adam 's tone was more order than question, and Donald nodded. "Of course. I'll get on it." He swiped up a tablet and began typing. Bree and Adam entered their capsules to change and sleep. The lab doors swished open, announcing Leo's arrival.
"Hey guys, how'd it go-wait, there's only two of them...where's Chase? Did he..." Leo looked down at the ground, sadness washing over him. He'd liked the genius, for all his faults, which were quite few. Donald patted Leo on the back. "He's alive. We'll find him." Then Donald realized he didn't really know. Bree had been traumatized, not giving details, and what she had said...Donald shook it off. His son was alive.
"Bree, sweetheart, can we talk?" He asked in a gentle tone. She stepped out of her capsule, brown eyes red. Leo hugged her. Leo was close to tears to. Actually, he was crying, tiny tears trekking down his face. Donald took Bree's other shoulder and sat her down. "Bree, honey, what happened?" Donald wasn't as good at this at Tasha. At least with girls. But he was trying. Bree wiped her eyes and sniffled, readying herself. "We...we were in a room, guys with dart guns outside, and Chase left to make a distraction so they wouldn't break down the door and Adam could make the tunnel!" Bree began sobbing again, and Donald rubbed her shoulders. It wasn't super descriptive, but better than nothing.
"We should all get some rest. Leo, that includes you. No one cry yourself to sleep- he's alive, we'll find him, don't worry." And yet he sobbed half the night away.
...
"Subject C...operation beginning at approximately 4:50 a.m." The said as he made the incision in the boy's neck. In the viewing room, the boss smiled. He was going to enjoy this. After all, who wouldn't like absolute control of the world?
2. When the Levee Breaks
**Author's Note: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank dreamer4evera for supporting this, and all my awesome reviewers! The reviews mean more than you know! Because I'm nice, here's chapter 2! Chapter 3 will hopefully arrive tomorrow! Some of the next chapter may be small, and this story won't be terribly long. But, it is part of a trilogy -I have every plot mapped out, and they're all better than this one, in my opinion- so just hang in there and try to enjoy the ride! Thanks!**
The surgery was complete. The surgeon and two nurses cleaned their utensils, and packed up. None of that mattered to the man. Only what they had done mattered. It would change everything, initiate the first step of his plan. His first few had been failures, this boy in particular causing one to fail, but this one would not fail. Donald Davenport would be betrayed by his own children. What could hurt more than being betrayed by your own children, acting of their own free will? Donald Davenport was going to suffer. And this man was going to enjoy every second of it.
...
Donald pulled himself together that morning. No way would anything distract him -was that a dollar bill lying on the couch?- from finding Chase. His team reported nothing. Chase had simply dropped off the grid. Which just worried Donald more. Chase would never do that willingly. And if Chase couldn't defeat these guys, they were a force to be reckoned with. Bree and Adam were definitely going to school, needing a normal and relaxing day after what had happened. He also didn't want any distractions -was that cookies he smelled?- Bree was waiting for Adam at the door.
"Come on, Adam, or you'll be late! Leo left already!" She was back to herself after a nights rest, on the surface, at least. Leo had been a little touchy when he left, and Adam seemed less enthusiastic then normal. Eddy appeared, ever the loyal friend. "At least we cleaned out one of the rats," Eddy cackled, then softened at Donald's sad face. "Cheer up. You have me, and I'm sure he'll come back, if only to annoy me." Eddy promptly winked out. Strangely, Donald did feel better. Chase would come back, he certainly was smart enough to devise an escape plan. Donald just needed to be ready to get him. If only it were that easy.
...
Chase felt like a hole had been drilled into his skull and brain. He blinked his eyes a few times, shocked when he saw Douglas Davenport sitting in a chair next to Chase's bed. He was the bane of Chase and his siblings' existence, and also the cause of it. Davenport family relations were weird sometimes. Chase closed his eyes again, half-hoping he was hallucinating. He opened them again. There Douglas was. "Why am I in a bed, and not in some creepy cell being hacked by your Triton App?" _The one I've put defenses up against._ Douglas laughed. Not necessarily out of entertainment. "Why would I do that? I needed to...readjust somethings. It wouldn't work as well in a cell. I have no intention of locking you or your siblings up again. Unlike someone I know." Douglas added scorn in that last statement, and Chase knew it had to be Mr. Davenport Douglas spoke of. That didn't bother him as much as the 'readjustment' bit.
"What exactly did you readjust?' Chase growled in a voice weakened by a parched throat. Douglas smiled again, making Chase feel unsettled. _What evil plan did I just stumble onto?_
"Why, I simply moved your chip from your neck to your brain. Now it can't be taken out, and, as a bonus, I fixed your glitches. I also helped you unlock a new ability yesterday, that would've taken you two years to discover. You may thank me now. Want some water?" Douglas fixed him a glass. Chase accepted it and found it tasted sweet and pure. A mountain stream maybe. Douglas took it away beaming, obviously expecting Chase to ask more questions. Which he did.
"You just made my chip from my neck to my brain. Without my consent, and now it can't be taken out. Now why would I have a problem with that?" Chase let the sarcasm drip off his voice. For a genius, Douglas could be an idiot sometimes. Douglas put on a face of false hurt. "I made it so you won't glitch. In your brain, it grafts better with your nervous system. So no more glitches, unless you're hit by an EMP. But, I also unlocked a new ability for you. Never mind the fact you could've died during the procedure-"
"So, if I died, it wouldn't matter? I'm just a guinea pig, after all." Chase said sourly. Douglas looked genuinely apologetic. "I'd never let that happen, you're my son, after all. It was worth it, the procedure. It'll help us avenge Molly-"
"1: I'm not your son. 2: Who's Molly?" Chase was perplexed by the last one. Douglas was shocked. He made a tsk-tsk. "Oh, Donald didn't tell you...Molly was your mother. He's the one who killed her." Chase had no idea how to respond to that. Mr. Davenport...killed his mother? _No way! Not him! At least, I think he wouldn't..._everything started spinning and he felt the urge to vomit. Douglas handed him a trash can. Chase vomited up what felt like a few lungs and a kidney with everything else. He felt sick and weak and confused and scared. And very tired. Douglas patted his hand, and Chase didn't flinch. "We'll talk later. Rest up, and I promise I'll tell you everything." Douglas left, and even though Chase was exhausted, he couldn't help but wonder if the Davenport brothers were really so different after all.
...
"Welcome back to the land of the living, Chase. Want some water?" Douglas held out a glass. Chase nodded weakly. He felt weaker after sleep. _What's up with that?_ He accepted the water gratefully. Douglas gave a little cough. "So, where did I leave off?"
"Um...Mr. Davenport killed my mother." His voice sounded so weak and raspy it made him cringe internally. How would he ever escape if he was this weak? Chase noted Douglas' brown eyes turned sadder, as if it actually bothered him. "Molly...she was beautiful. Inside and out. When we first met, I loved her. Donald liked her too. I married her, and we were happy together. Adam and Bree came along, and Donald had been reasonably nice. I never knew just how bitter and jealous he was. Molly became pregnant with you, and Donald lost it. Unknowingly to me, he gave her a biochemical weapon. Soon, it became a choice between you or her. Guess what the choice was." Chase felt as if he had no breath. No heartbeat. Numb. If Douglas wasn't lying...of course he always could be... "Chase, I see the doubt in your eyes. Let me ask you this: if he did nothing, why, when you found out I was your father, did he not tell you of your mother?" Chase felt the seed of doubt take root. Nothing he could do. But he still doubted both sides. Truth is a double-edged sword. Douglas sighed. "How about I show it to you? While that bracelet is on you" -he indicated a metal band on Chase's wrist- "you can use only whatever bionics I allow. So," -Douglas pressed a button- "use your telepathy. Read my memories of what happened."
Chase felt his telepathy flow back into him. No idea how to describe it, it just...came. He tried to send it into Douglas' head. Surprisingly, it worked. The first scene broke his heart. A woman, with brown hair that naturally curled slightly and turned gold at the ends, with bright green eyes sat across from him. This must be Douglas' point of view. He focused on his mother. She was beautiful, with tan skin, a face that was elegant, warm, and relaxed at the same time. The very image of piece and comfort. He looked into her bright grass-green gaze. He'd wondered why he had hazel eyes. No he knew. A mixture of his father's brown and mother's green. The scene swirled and changed, now it was Molly, holding a baby Chase knew to be his brother. Douglas/Chase had an arm around her shoulder as both parents looked on their son, who then changed to a crying baby Bree. Chase smiled. Bree was loud even as a baby. Then he saw Adam, maybe two, and a one-year-old Bree sitting on a couch, with a pregnant Molly sitting next to a worried Douglas/Chase. So close to his dead mother, while in his father's memories. His breath caught in his throat. Even from Douglas' point of view, she looked so real and alive. "Sweetheart, it'll do nothing to them, except make them stronger. Donald...is worrying me. I don't want anything to happen to Sean or Arria. I'd do it to you, but with the baby...I can't risk it." Douglas/Chase touched her face and patted her hand. Chase felt as if he were only the eyes, everything else controlled by another force. His mother kissed him/Douglas, green eyes determined. "If you're sure it won't hurt them," The scene changed for the last time. He was looking at a computer screen, with footage of...his mother having him. While no woman looked perfect during birth, Molly looked awful. Deathly white, green eyes dull and tired, she looked sickly. Chase tuned in to the audio. Donald sat beside her as she groaned in agony. "Before I forgive you, promise me two things." Her voice held a steel will tempered with sickness. Chase felt tears form in his eyes. Whether the past Douglas was crying or himself he didn't know. "Anything. It's my fault." Donald sounded broken up, like he was just realizing what he'd done. _You killed my mother,_ Chase thought angrily. He focused on his mother's words. "Name him Chase, after my maiden name. And...don't touch my children. Let them live, you've taken away almost everything else. You know what I mean by live." She said no more. Two hours later, Chase was delivered. An hour after, his mother died. Chase was sent back to his own crying body. Douglas was tearing up alongside him. "I'd already enhanced Bree and Adam's genes, and waited a year before implanting their chips and enhancing your genes. When you were three, I gave you your chip. I did it to protect you, so later, you could all live and confront your uncle. Then I was booted, simply because Donald refused to acknowledge that he murdered my wife, and framed me. He took you away, and all I ever wanted was you back." Chase knew that the memories he experienced and had been brought over to his mind and molded as if his own. In a way they were his own memories. So was the undying quest for revenge. Donald had murdered his mother. He would pay. Thunder rumbled outside, and Chase felt a strange connection to the storm outside.
...
"Chase hasn't shown up in any hospitals, or any police reports...so that must be good." Three days had gone by since Chase's disappearance. Donald was the main optimist. Everyone's hope was dwindling. They'd never been apart this long. Chase had been taken, and with it a lot more than they thought. Donald looked more tight, less like his normal happy self. Adam was somber and silent. Bree was moping around the house, unable to forgive herself. Leo was doing everything he could to find Chase. Tasha was trying to hold them together.
"Well...at least he's safe." Tasha was doing everything she could to cheer up her son, husband, and stepchildren. It wasn't very effective. Donald put his head in his hands, and Adam punched the wall angrily, leaving a dent. Barely missing Bree's face. Her eyes flared with a fire lit by grief and tended with rage. "I should've stopped it!" Adam roared. Bree glared at him, all the bent up anger and grief rushing to escape.
"You should have! You're the oldest aren't you? Supposed to protect us? You failed and Chase is paying! He's probably being held by Douglas or someone equally terrible!" Adam's eyes heated up, and Bree super-sped herself into him. Adam threw her off, sending her through a wall. The three non-bionic humans quickly backed away. All three wished Chase were here to quell the warring siblings. Bree got up, and in Adam's voice said, "I'm Adam. I'm big and strong and stupid enough to let my brother be kidnapped trying to save my stupid self." She flashed toward him, ramming into him with her palms in front and enough force to send him through a wall. Adam got up, seemingly unfazed. But the sadness in his eyes said otherwise. Her words hurt more than being thrown through the wall.
"You stood around doing nothing! I was allowing us to escape! If anyone's at fault, it's you!" Bree stumbled back as if punched, then zoomed out. She knew she was running from her guilt. She sped through the town, knowing no one could see her. Her feet led her wherever they decided, and then she stopped. She looked in front of her. _The library._ One of Chase's favorite places to go. Guilt hadn't caught up with her, she'd charged it head on. And she felt herself tear up with memories. Then scolded herself. He's not dead. He'll escape and then you will protect him. She made the silent vow, and sprinted home, ready to aide in the effort to bring her brother home.
3. Trust No One
**Author's Note: Haha this'll be finished sooner than I thought. But the sequel will be better!**
Chase was pacing. It had been five days since his kidnapping, and four since his surgery. He felt fine physically, but otherwise he was a mess. How could Donald Davenport, his loving father, have killed his mother? And yet all this evidence pointed to it. Davenport had faults, yes, but Chase had never thought murder was one. Chase pictured his mother, and grief stung his heart. Thunder wailed outside, as if joining him in mourning. The door to his room opened, and a clapping Douglas walked in. "Bravo, Chase, you're my favorite, you know." Chase was puzzled. Douglas had agreed to let him go, but this... "Douglas, remember what you said," Chase knew reminding Douglas of a promise would do little if Douglas actually decided to break it. But Douglas shrugged.
"I'm applauding you, Chase. You created this storm the very day you gained the ability to. And you've kept it going." Chase fought down the surprise, fought to keep his face passive. He thought of the connection he'd had to the storm earlier. It made sense. So this was one of his abilities. Chase extended his wrist. "Bracelet off, please," Chase was in no mood to discuss his abilities with his dad. He wasn't planning on talking to the other. Both had reasons to trust and distrust them. Chase hated Donald, but he still distrusted Douglas. Douglas took it off, and Chase felt his bionics become restored. He felt whole, in a way he couldn't explain. Douglas ushered him out, and began leading him through the facility. Chase used his super-senses to make sure they were heading toward the exit. Chase would've preferred silence, but Douglas was inquisitive.
"So, how are your sibling going to react when you appear unscathed? They may distrust you." Chase knew it was a reasonable question, but Chase was a genius. He already had a solution. "I'll say I escaped," His voice was curt, giving clear signals he wished to stay silent. Rain pounded away at the walls, and the wind howled. Chase wondered if he could really control all that power. Finally, they arrived at the door. Douglas didn't open it. "I can't allow you to leave with the weather like this." Chase knew it was a test, and also a genuine concern._ Can't lose your world domination tool in the rain, huh?_ Chase forced himself into a serene focus, tainting it only slightly with anger. He imagined clear skies, and willed it. To his surprise, it worked. He looked Douglas in the eye, and somehow _polite_ words came out of his mouth. Genuine too. "Thanks for the new ability, and not forcing me to stay here against my will. Or Triton Apping me. Or-"
"Yeah, I get it." To Chase's surprise, Douglas hugged him. It felt unwanted and weird and..._nice_. Chase felt himself relax momentarily, then he tensed up again. He had to focus on his mission, which was confronting Donald. He exited the facility, and once he heard it shut, used his molecularkinesis to send himself flying home.
...
Everyone was in a tense funk. Leo stared at the computer screen, hoping for Chase's GPS to turn on. Bree sat on the couch, holding her phone, hoping for a call from Chase. Adam aimlessly flipped through a book, as if it could reveal Chase's location. Tasha looked at her son and stepchildren. She missed Chase, but this was almost too much for her to bear. Even Donald was just clumping wires and bits together. She pursed her lips, and then a miracle happened. The door opened. And in walked in the most missed person in the household. "Um, hi," Chase spoke tentatively, as if expecting harsh anger or a fight. Instead he was mobbed by hugs. Chase's face began to go red, whether from lack of oxygen or the happiness of being home. The sunlight seemed to get stronger, clouds drifting away from the sun.
"Chase! I am so, so, sorry, I will never let anything like this happen again!" Bree was holding her flesh-and-blood-and-bionic brother so tight she felt as if she would never let go. Chase smiled, gently easing out of her grasp. "Bree, it was my choice. Besides, I managed to escape...so no harm no foul." Bree smiled, wiping a tear away before being shoved away by Adam, who bear-hugged his baby brother.
"I'm sorry you had to leave on such _short_ notice. Though, bro, seriously, I should've done something." Chase shook his head. "My choice, my fault. If you had, you and Bree may have been caught. You did what was best. I'm proud of you. Though I'd like if you laid off the short jokes for a bit." Chase smiled a half-smile, and Adam felt relieved. Leo took his turn, and embraced his stepbrother with one arm. "I missed you. These knuckleheads almost destroyed the house." Chase returned the hug tightly, smiling fully now. "So, what do I hear about a house almost being destroyed? I know you two aren't geniuses, but really?"
Bree shook her smiling head. "We did it...you won't understand until you experience it for yourself. And I hope you never have to." Mr. Davenport raced toward Chase and trapped him between arms and body. Something unnoticed by everyone flashed in Chase's eyes, then dissipated before Donald released him. "I missed you so much. Chase, I never would've given up searching for you. I want you to know that." Donald hugged him again, and Chase wheezed "Can't breathe". His stomach grumbled, and he looked down shyly, as if embarrassed. Donald looked at his nephew, who was in his eyes a son. "I'm ordering five pizzas that'll be here in five minutes. Tell me everything."
...
After every slice had been eaten, Chase's 'escape' been told, everyone had drifted off to their beds. It was 9:00 p.m., so Chase wasn't surprised. What surprised him was how easy it was to lie, and how little it bothered him. He told himself that it was just because he was focused on his mission. Afterwards, he would tell the truth. Hopefully, his siblings would understand. Chase stepped into his capsule, unable to shake an impeding feeling of doubt. He closed his eyes, begging for a peaceful sleep._ A storm crashed mercilessly against the cliff the house stood on, and above the crashes of the waves, the lightning cackling and blazing, he heard his mother's screams for vengeance._
He woke up surprised he wasn't shaking. He could hear the storm from his dream, almost as if it were real. It took him a minute to realize it was real. He must've called on it subconsciously. His first instinct was to tell Mr. Davenport about his telepathy and Atmokinesis- that's what google called it- but it was quickly overrode by the image of his mother's face and her screams. No, he would not tell her murderer anymore until he confronted him. He looked to his left and right. His siblings weren't in their capsules. He checked the time on a computer. It was noon. Of course they'd be at school. Stepping out of his capsule in his pajamas, he exited the lab, hoping to fix himself some breakfast. He'd wait a few days before confronting Donald. How he would stand the wait...a different story. He had just tucked into his bowl when Donald's thoughts intruded on him. _Money, money, everything is okay_\- "Hey, Chase, sleep okay?" Chase smiled, a smile so genuinely fake it seemed real to everyone but himself. "Yeah, it feels great to be home." Mr. Davenport seemed satisfied with his answer. Chase went back to eating quietly, then, in fear that he was acting unlike himself, asked,
"Any new inventions?" Chase listened, pointed out a few ideas, and it felt as if nothing had changed. When everything had changed. Chase couldn't even trust the man who had practically raised him since before he could remember. Then an idea popped into his head. He focused, found his serene focus, and mixed in some anger. He found himself in Donald's mind. Chase sorted through the garbage memories. Someday, with practice, he hoped he would be able to find only the memories or thoughts he wanted. He thought of Molly...and found himself cascaded by emotions embedded so deeply he felt as if he were being smothered. He pulled himself out, feeling as if he couldn't breathe. Donald was ranting about his genius, and somehow, annoying as it was, it felt normal, soothing even. Chase felt the burn for vengeance momentarily dull. Then it came back, fiery as ever. He finished his cereal, and as he was cleaning the bowl, could imagine no better words from Mr. Davenports' mouth. "There's an incident at work that needs my wonderful intelligence to solve. Davenport out." Mr. Davenport left, and Chase fought the smile tugging at his lips. Then he went back to business. He headed down the lab, and heard Eddie flick into existence on a screen.
"Pest control! Pest control! Yes, I have a rat infestation in my basement- ew, one just walked by me, it's so small and hideous-" Chase opened Eddie's box and turned him off, glad of the silence. He then sat down in front of the computer, and searched up his mother. The results were a range that brought forth a variety of emotions. Christmases, vacations, a wedding, normal family pictures. Chase felt as if they were someone else's life, not his siblings' lives, not the life he would've lived. _Should've_ lived. He clicked on a file with her name on it, and he found her biography. She was 24 at her death. She held a degree in engineering. Her parents died three years after her. She had a sister. Chase found himself re-reading that. He had an aunt. An aunt who probably wasn't a power-hungry psychopath. Who probably had children of her own. Who might've wanted custody of her sisters' kids. Chase forced himself to read on. Her cause of death was a biochemical that caused organs to shutdown. The cure was highly toxic to young children, whose immune systems couldn't handle it. Chase felt a weight of responsibility on his shoulders. He had had a hand in her death. At least he hadn't administered it to her. He scrolled on, absorbing but not quite thinking of the information. He soon finished it, and, after taking care to erase that search from anything Mr. Davenport could do to recover it, he went upstairs. He read some books, watched some documentaries. It was weird how solitude sounded so perfect, and how boring it quickly became. He was relieved when his siblings arrived home, and he had no idea why.
"Chase! You would not believe what happened at school today! Adam got a C!" Leo high-fived Adam, and Chase smiled and congratulated Adam. Bree was rolling her eyes, though Chase knew she was proud.
"Well done, Adam, if you keep it up, you _might_ just have a higher IQ than a rock." She patted him on the shoulder, them began texting a friend. Adam and Leo chattered on about what happened, and Chase listened intently, surprised at how much he wished he'd been there. They talked for about an hour, and Mr. Davenport walked in. "Guys, guess who just made another five million dollars? I'll give you a hint: He's awesome, smart, and his name is D-O-N-A-L-D-D-A-V-E-N-P-O-R-T." Donald pointed at himself for emphasis.
"You forgot to mention he's really short." Adam stated, earning a glare from Donald. Leo broke the moment. "Adam got a C on a test!" Adam beamed at those words, and Donald looked confused. "That's a good thing?" They were interrupted by Tasha. She called them to her snacks, and Adam, Bree, and Leo began to devour them. Chase remained behind with Mr. Davenport. Mr. Davenport looked at Chase's face intently, as if seeking something. Chase felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny. Thankfully, Mr. Davenport broke the silence.
"Chase, you've been acting a little strange. You can tell me anything, you know that?" He sounded so sincere it made Chase wonder if this man could really have murdered someone. Chase shrugged. "I'm fine, really." What a lie _that_ was.
4. Calm Before the Storm
**Author's Note: This chapter, I honestly will not spoil anything, but there will be a most unexpected ending. And I want to thank dreamer4evera for her support and Annabeth23 and everyone else! Give yourselves high fives or pats on the back! Enjoy! Next chapter is the last, but, if it is unconclusive enough for you guys, I'll make another!**
Chase was going to follow his siblings to their capsules for bed when a voice hailed him back. "Chase, we need to talk." It was Mr. Davenport. The one person Chase _didn't_ want to talk to. The one person Chase _did_ want to talk to.
"What about?" Chase had been acting like himself. He was mapping out the best moment to confront Donald. _Maybe the time is now._
"I don't think Douglas would've let you go so easily. I think we should scan you." "If he was going to do anything, he would've done it by now." Chase knew it was time to confront Donald. He couldn't stand to wait any longer. "He did tell me about my mother. How she died." Chase said no more, for there was no need. Donald's body language had guilt and grief written all over it.
"I presume he told you I killed her. He was right. I did. But not in the way you think I did, I swear." Chase was thoroughly perplexed. _How do you murder someone, but not murder them?_
"Oh, and I should trust you why? You just admitted to killing her." He knew what Donald's response would be. "And you can trust Douglas?"
"He told me the truth. Something you never did, even when we found it out." Donald shook his head. "Chase, if I told you three, you'd be out for Douglas' blood. He's still my brother, albeit annoying, awful-haired, evil-"
"I get it. So, if he's wrong, what really did happen?" Chase felt a pulse in his head. He had to know both sides.
"Well, Molly and Douglas married. She had kids. Now, Douglas began siphoning from the company. I put a stop to it, temporarily. He started up, so I thought, if Molly threatened to leave him, he'd straighten out. No. He messed with Adam and Bree, then, when I told your mother what happened, she began to leave, and came to me for help. He poisoned her. And you know the rest. She wanted me to watch over you three, let you live normal lives. I regret not getting her away sooner, but I cannot change the past. Neither can you, Chase. I know how much we wish we could, but we can't." Donald left the lab, and Chase felt rage burn inside him. Not at Donald. At the man who had taken everything away from him. Douglas. Chase forgot about sleep, instead changing into his mission suit, and headed to Douglas' facility.
... "Hey, Big D, have you seen Chase? Adam and Bree said he wasn't in the lab when they woke up." Donald's eyes flashed. He turned to Leo. "Wait, what?"
"Chase didn't sleep with them last night. What's wrong, Big D?" Leo's voice had changed. He knew by Donald's manner something was wrong. "Big D, what's going on?" "I think Chase might doing something he'll regret." Donald hurried down to the lab in an attempt to stop the storm that was surely to be unleashed.
...
Chase walked through the facility, certainty and confidence in his step. He found his way to Douglas' workshop, and, with his molecularkinesis, made the door burst open. He stepped inside. Nervousness flickered across the face he glared at. "Chase, did you-"
"Find out who murdered my mother? Yes, I did." Chase's eyes became harder than diamond. "And he will pay. I assure you." With that, he lifted his father in the air with his molecularkinesis. Time for some father/son bonding time.
**...**
Bree was anxiously awaiting their arrival. She had no idea what had made her brother decide to go AWOL, and Mr. Davenport wasn't in a sharing mood. A shame _she_ didn't have telepathy. Adam wasn't cracking his usual bad jokes, which was a good thing, and a bad thing. Even Adam understood there was something going on here. Bree wished she could ask Chase about what was happening, but it seemed he had been the catalyst of it all. Bree looked Mr. Davenport in the eyes, and decided she wasn't taking 'no' for an answer.
"Mr. Davenport, what exactly is Chase going to do?" She kept her brown eyes on his. What she saw there surprised her. Grief and anger. She kept her face calm, her stubbornness taking root. "Bree, I think he may have gone after Douglas." Bree was perplexed, and it showed. Adam raised his hand.
"Why would Chase go after Evil Uncle Daddy? The guy is fun, I'll admit, but he's evil and kinda creepy." Adam's face turned more serious. "But if he hurts Chase, I swear he will regret it." Donald shook his head.
"Adam, I'm more worried about the opposite thing occurring." Bree stood up in outrage.
"Excuse me? Chase doesn't just go around randomly hurting people, no matter how evil or creepy they are! He has a reason, and you know what it is! He's our brother, don't we deserve to know?" Her voice cracked on the last sentence. She dropped on the seat next to Adam, suddenly feeling a weight on her shoulders. _I did this. I clearly didn't notice something was wrong with Chase._ The helicopter's sudden turbulence jolted her out of her thoughts. Mr. Davenport looked outside the cockpit window, leaning to the left to avoid the autopilot machine. "Oh, no. Chase..." Mr. Davenport returned to his seat. "I think Chase discovered a new ability. I think it was weather control, a more technical term would be Atmokinesis." Bree shook her head. Chase had just developed telepathy, no way he got another so fast.
"Mr. Davenport, there's no way Chase got that ability. He just got telepathy." Mr. Davenport looked at her, and raised both his hands. "It's been like six days, and I'm only now learning of this? If it's true, Bree, then the only other explanation is Douglas somehow made a bionic servant with this ability." Bree couldn't think of that. Douglas' last bionic servant had overpowered the three of them, easy. If Chase went alone, to a new and improved one...she shuddered. Then, an explanation popped into her mind.
"Or maybe it's just the weather. We can't have perfect weather all the time." Donald shook his head. "No, Bree, the forecast was sunny and moderate temperatures. This looks like the beginning of a hurricane. Bree panicked. "We have to get Chase out of her now! I am not losing him again!" Adam nodded, concern etched on his face. Donald nodded.
"We'll be landing in five minutes."
Chase had Douglas pinned against the outside wall of the facility, and it was easy to hold him there. He then sent him to the ground with one hand motion. Douglas looked up at him, and laughed, but with a begging undertone. He knew what power came with Chase, and knew he could not defeat it without his Triton App.
"Chase, I'm the one who told you about her. I actually told you the truth. Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because you killed her. You murdered her and you didn't care. You were never even brought in. I promise you, by the end of today, you will have payed." Chase was astonished and a little terrified by how cruel and calculating and calm his voice sounded. He didn't plan on torturing Douglas. He just wanted him to own up to what he did.
"Oh, well, if this is revenge, why haven't you killed me?" Chase responded with a flick of the wrist, and Douglas was once again on the wall. Chase sensed and heard the coming of the storm. _Ah. Time to put my new ability to use_. He threw Douglas down on the ground hard enough so Douglas would need a few seconds' recovery. That was all Chase needed. Chase focused, and rain clouds brewed overhead. Chase let the rain begin to pour, and then left the storm to its own whims. He pinned Douglas against the wall, and knew that by the time this storm was over, Douglas would probably think twice about going up against his children again. Then Chase heard the helicopter, and the voices on there. Bree and Adam and Mr. Davenport. _A family reunion_. The helicopter landed, and Bree zipped over to Chase. She hugged him, and in surprise, he dropped Douglas, who grumbled, and began to stand.
Douglas looked at the sky behind them and smiled. He had an escape route. Donald approached his brother. And punched him in the face. Douglas stumbled back a few steps. Donald threatened him quietly, and Douglas began to chuckle. "Ha, Donny, you're all going to die here. Unless, of course, Chase here can magically stop this storm." Douglas kept laughing, and all three bionic children turned. Adam and Bree just knew it was a bad storm, Chase knew it was a hurricane. _His_ hurricane. _Oh, no..._
"Wait, let's just get into the helicopter and fly off the island." Adam suggested. Chase glared at his brother, Douglas out of his mind. "Great idea! We can fly into it and die!" He clapped his hands in mock enthusiasm. Adam pointed at him. "I don't know if you can see him, but he's agreeing with me." Chase and Bree simultaneously swatted their brother on the arm. The storm rumbled closer, and the four non-psychopathic Davenports grew uneasy. Then it came to Chase.
"What if I just keep the storm away from us? Not the island, just us." Chase sounded serious and confident. Not that he was feeling much of the latter. Donald looked at him and shook his head. "Chase, if you do have this ability, it's too weak-"
"I helped summon and create this thing. The least I can do is stop it from killing us. As a last resort, I'll put up a force field." _I have no idea if that'll be effective against a hurricane_. The Davenports grouped together, and Chase held both his hands toward the storm, and began to concentrate. Adam bounced up and down.
"If Chase can control the weather, does that mean he could cause snow days?" Adam sounded like a child on Christmas. The joy was ruined by his sister telling him to shut up. After a few tense minutes the storm hit. It was devastating. Trees were ripped up, the facility walls creaked and groaned, small objects flew around. But, in a small dome around Chase, there was peace. Wind shrieked and howled, rain flooded from the sky in thick waves, thunder rumbled and lightning cackled, but in the dome, there was calm except for the shaking Adam.
"Hurricanes can last hours and days right?" Adam asked quietly. Bree shot him a glare. The dome's perimeter decreased an inch. Bree covered Adam's mouth with her hand, regretting all the germs that must be on it. Adam slapped her hand away. Chase winced in concentration. The dome's perimeter expanded. Donald looked around helplessly, then saw something right behind him. _The helicopter!_
"Chase, if we're mobile, can you still hold it off?" Chase nodded, one hand pressed flat against his temple as if having a migraine. The hurricane's power was too strong for him to last long. Certainly not the 2-4 days it could last. Donald boarded Adam and Bree, then motioned for his brother.
"Come on, Douglas, we have to go now!" Douglas backed away a few steps, on the edge of the dome. "Douglas, this isn't a trap. I don't want you to die. It isn't safe for you to stay here. Come here and get away from the edge." Douglas smirked, and was about to send a retort when Chase cried out in pain. The dome shrank about a foot, and Douglas was lost in the storm. Chase was filled with shock, and for a heartbeat, the storm itself slowed down. Then it immediately picked up. Donald recovered the quickest out of both of them, and he herded Chase on board.
"Where's Douglas?" Bree asked, "We aren't leaving him, are we?" Donald shook his head, fighting to control his skewered emotions. "He was too close to the edge. We have to go." Donald turned on autopilot, and the helicopter rose, and they flew into the storm.
5. The Eye of the Storm
**Author's Note: I swear to you there is a good reason why I refuse to talk about the events of last chapter, sorry, Razara. And this, sadly, is the last chapter. FOR THIS STORY! The second one is currently underway, and no matter how far through I am, it will be posted next Friday -the first chapter, maybe second if I feel nice- and then...stuff. Thanks so much for the amazing support and reviews! I was initially very hesitant to even think of posting this, but you guys -and dreamer4evera, one of my best friends on here- have made it totally worth it! The next one will be called 'The Song Remains the Same', so keep an eye out for it. If you want a PM notfication, let me know, some people like them, so...just thanks again guys!**
The storm's clamor was the only noise to be heard in the helicopter besides breathing. Donald was grieving privately for his brother, and Adam and Bree were sorting out their mixed feelings about Douglas' demise. Chase was focusing everything he had into their protective dome. The same dome that had failed to keep Douglas alive. _Except the dome didn't fail, you did_. Chase had killed his father. If he hadn't been so bent on revenge, he'd never have come, and the storm never would've taken Douglas' life. Chase wanted so badly to curl into himself and forget this. But if he did, he would lose his hold on the storm, and they would all perish. The flight was overall relatively smooth, save a few rough patches here and there. Once they escaped the storm, still no one spoke. What was there to say? Adam spoke first.
"I can't believe Douglas is dead. I mean, I wanted him to go away, but not like this." Chase shied away, his gaze down at the floor. Guilt flooded over him. He was a killer, no better than Douglas. Bree sat across from the boys, her arms wrapped around herself. "I agree with Adam. But we barely made it out ourselves. Douglas strayed to the edge, and he got swept away. That's an accident. Accidents happen. We should...move on." Bree didn't sound terribly confident about the last part. Chase gazed at her. "Bree, that isn't what happened. Not completely, anyway." Donald flashed a look that Chase didn't acknowledge nor notice. He went on.
"Douglas was at the edge. I lost control of the storm for a bit, and the dome shrank. Then he got swept away. His death is my fault." Chase wanted to believe it was an accident, but what if his subconscious was tainted by his opinion, and 'accidentally' weakened at that moment? Chase shivered. Bree shrugged, and Adam wrapped an arm around Chase. "So what, Chase? You didn't kill him. You've had this ability...for six days. You haven't trained with it at all. You saved us from that hurricane. Chase, you did your best. You didn't kill him." Bree's words had little to no effect on Chase. Chase had always been told 'try your best, and you can do anything'. Well, haha, he'd tried his best and a guy was dead. Not just any guy. Chase leaned on Adam though, glad his older brother wasn't making a scathing remark or being insensitive. For Chase, for that moment, it was enough to be there, surrounded by most of his family, all supporting each other, bonds deepened by shared experiences. It was enough.
**...**
The minute the four black mission suits came into view, Leo broke into a smile, his mother beside him. Leo was beyond relieved. His family was safe. Then he saw their faces. Donald looked sad, Bree and Adam looked drawn out, and Chase gave off an aura of brooding and grief. "What happened? What's with the frowny faces? Come on, people, turn those frowns upside down!" Leo called. Adam tried, but failed. No one else even attempted. Tasha gave Leo a look.
"Guys, what happened?" Tasha went to her husband's side and began comfortingly rubbing his back with on hand, the other draped around Bree's back, giving her a soft squeeze. Chase spilled the beans very unhappily. "Douglas is dead. We were trapped in a hurricane-"
"Say what?" Leo exclaimed, then hushed himself so Chase could finish. "-and I was keeping it away. Douglas got too close and got sucked in." Chase's solemn tone didn't hide the grief or blame in his voice. But Leo was too inquisitive to notice.
"A _hurricane_? You were in one? Was it cool? Can Chase control the weather? If he can, can he _please_ summon up a snow day? I forgot to do a project because Janelle and I- were so worried about you!" Leo smiled, and the favor was not reciprocated. Adam answered his questions. "Yes. Yes. One word for it. Yes. Hopefully." Adam gave Chase a pleading look. Chase shrugged in response. He wanted to train this ability to its maximum potential, so no one else would die. He could even save lives. Snow days could help train it. An almost unseeable smile passed on his face.
"Fifty dollars, Leo."
"Fifty dollars? Where am I supposed to get fifty dollars? Sibling discount?" Donald interrupted Leo's bargaining. "Speaking of new bionics, when was I going to know about this and telepathy?" Scolding was helping Donald feel a bit better. He may have been too harsh, but he had a right to be. "I have no idea how we're going to train the atmokinesis. The telepathy...I have a few ideas. None of you are going to school tomorrow, and we're doing extensive training, understand? Get some rest. Tasha, Leo, let's go." Donald led his normal family up the stairs. Chase felt as if someone had sliced his heart into bits. As well as killing Donald's brother, he'd also been a complete failure. At least that's what it felt like. Adam and Bree created a group hug.
"You heard him. We all need some rest. We had a bad day." Bree stepped into her capsule, and was sleeping as soon as her pajamas were on. Adam was asleep a second after entering the capsule. Chase stared at his peacefully resting siblings. He felt jealous. Then immediately guilty for the jealousy. He wondered if things could ever be the same. After all that had happened today, something had changed inside them all. Chase wasn't certain about what lay in their future, but he was certain that for the most part, he could count on them.
**Author's Note: Until next Friday, or, if you wanna go check out my other Lab Rats fic (oneshot), feel free. If you've read them both, you're awesome and hug yourself and until next week!**
End file.
| fanfiction |
USS Bunting YMS-170/AMS-3/MHC-45 was a in the United States Navy during World War II.
History
Bunting was laid down on 1 October 1942 at Benton Harbor, Michigan, by the Dachel-Carter Shipbuilding Corporation; launched on 29 May 1943; and commissioned on 23 July 1943 at Algiers, Louisiana, Lt. J. H. Hawkins, USNR, in command.
The motor minesweeper completed fitting out and trials in the 8th Naval District and then got underway for the Norfolk, Virginia. area at the beginning of August. On 11 August, she arrived at Little Creek, Virginia, whence she conducted shakedown and minesweeping training in Chesapeake Bay. Early in September, YMS-170 stood down the east coast to Key West, Florida, where she arrived on 12 September. After a brief period in drydock for repairs at Key West, she put to sea at the end of the month for Puerto Rico. The motor minesweeper arrived in San Juan on 4 October. For the next 22 months, YMS-170 operated among the islands of the southeastern Caribbean performing minesweeping operations, escorting warships and merchantmen, conducting antisubmarine patrols and miscellaneous other minor duties.
On 20 August 1945, the warship left the Caribbean on her way to duty on the Pacific coast. She arrived at San Pedro, California, on 7 September and began service with the 11th Naval District. That assignment, however, proved brief. On 22 October, YMS-170 stood out of San Pedro on her way to the western Pacific. After stops at Pearl Harbor, Eniwetok, and Saipan, the motor minesweeper arrived in the Philippines at Samar on Leyte Island on 17 January 1946. In February and March, the warship swept mines in Lamon Bay off the southeastern coast of Luzon. In May, YMS-170 headed back to the United States. She reached San Diego on 17 June and, in July, moved to San Pedro under tow.
On 30 July 1946, YMS-170 was placed out of commission at San Pedro. On 18 February 1947 while still in the reserve fleet, YMS-170 was named Bunting and was redesignated AMS-3. A little more than three years later on 18 July 1950, the warship was placed in commission, in reserve, and assigned to the 11th Naval District. Bunting conducted minesweeping exercises out of San Diego until 18 November at which time she put to sea from San Diego on her way to Hawaii. She spent almost three years operating in the islands with Mine Divisions MinDiv 51 and 71. Bunting returned to the west coast at Long Beach, California, on 12 September 1953 and spent the rest of the year engaged in exercises, type training, and other drills.
On 15 January 1954, the minesweeper departed Long Beach on her way back to the east coast. After transiting the Panama Canal, she entered port at Charleston, South Carolina, on 15 February. Bunting spent the remainder of her active career assigned to the 6th Naval District based, however, at Key West rather than at Charleston. During that time, she conducted the usual multi- and single-ship mine hunting exercises and drills. In addition, the warship served periodically as a training platform for students at the Fleet Sonar School. Also during that time, she changed designations to MHC-45 on 7 February 1955.
On 6 May 1960, Bunting was decommissioned at Key West. Her name was struck from the Naval Vessel Register on 1 June 1960. The minehunter remained inactive at Key West for a little more than two years. Sometime between July and September 1962, she was sunk as a target.
See also
List of United States Navy ships
Other Ships built by Dachel-Carter Shipbuilding Corporation:
USS Bobolink AMS-2
USS Miss Toledo SP-1711
References
External links
Category:YMS-1-class minesweepers of the United States Navy
Category:Ships built in Benton Harbor, Michigan
Category:1943 ships
Category:World War II minesweepers of the United States
Category:Harkness-class minehunters
Category:Cold War minehunters of the United States | wikipedia |
What caused the machine to fly after the piece seprated?
In [this](https://youtu.be/6XYen9SO2yo?t=32) video, after the piece with the camera separates from the main rotating machine, what causes it(the main rotating machine) to come off the attachments and fly off into the air? Is it due to less weight at one end due to the small piece with the camera flying off or is it due to some other reason?
Can anybody please explain this to me as I am having trouble understanding it
<https://youtu.be/6XYen9SO2yo?t=32>
I would think if the rotating part had been precisely balanced, it would not have been torn from its axis. Probably it was not balanced, so the axis attachment failed, the rotating part had some momentum (because of the lack of balance) and started to move by inertia.
| stackexchange/physics |
Translation invariance Noether's equation
In chapter 13 of Goldstein's classical mechanics, on page 591 when talking about Noether's theorem, Goldstein says we need condition 3, which is
$$\tag{13.133} \int\_{\Omega'}\mathcal{L}(\eta\_\rho'(x^\mu),\eta'\_{\rho,\nu}(x^\mu),x^\mu)\,dx^4- \int\_{\Omega}\mathcal{L}(\eta\_\rho(x^\mu),\eta\_{\rho,\nu}(x^\mu),x^\mu)\,dx^4=0$$
How is this satisfied for the Klein Gordon equation under translation? Here $\eta'\_\rho=\eta\_\rho$ and $\eta'\_{\rho,\nu}=\eta\_{\rho,\nu}$.
Using $\phi$ to denote the scalar field, I think we want $$\int\_{\Omega'}\frac{1}{2}(\partial\_\mu\phi\partial^\mu\phi-m^2\phi^2)=\int\_{\Omega}\frac{1}{2}(\partial\_\mu\phi\partial^\mu\phi-m^2\phi^2)$$
Here $\Omega'$ is a translation of $\Omega$. Even taking into account the fact that $\phi$ satisfies the Klein Gordon equation, we need $$\int\_{\Omega'}\partial\_\mu(\phi\partial^\mu\phi)=\int\_\Omega\partial\_\mu(\phi\partial^\mu\phi).$$
There is no reason for this to hold even using the divergence theorem.
>
> Here $\eta'\_\rho=\eta\_\rho$ and $\eta'\_{\rho,\nu}=\eta\_{\rho,\nu}$.
>
>
>
No, this is wrong. The transformed fields have the same values at the same physical location, but the same physical location is described by different coordinates in each case.
So you have, for example: $\eta'(x') = \eta(x)$.
For example, if your function in one case is a gaussian peaked at zero like $e^{-x^2}$ and your transformation is an active translation by $a$ then your function in the second case is a gaussian peaked at $a$ like $e^{-(x-a)^2}$. The functions $e^{-x^2}$ and $e^{-(x-a)^2}$ are different functions.
To provide an even more explicit example, I could write
$$
\eta(x) = e^{-x^2}
$$
and
$$
x' = x + a\;.
$$
And the inverse:
$$
x = x' - a\;.
$$
And so we have:
$$
\eta'(x') = \eta(x(x')) = e^{-(x(x'))^2} = e^{-(x' - a)^2}
$$
>
> Using $\phi$ to denote the scalar field, I think we want $$\int\_{\Omega'}\frac{1}{2}(\partial\_\mu\phi\partial^\mu\phi-m^2\phi^2)=\int\_{\Omega}\frac{1}{2}(\partial\_\mu\phi\partial^\mu\phi-m^2\phi^2)$$
>
>
>
Again, this is wrong, in general. You need the transformed fields in the transformed integral (on the LHS).
It looks like you want to understand the content of equation (13.133). This equation is just the statement that the action is invariant under some transformation $\phi\mapsto \phi'$. Being more precise, the action is a functional $S[\phi]$ of the fields in the theory. In general it is written as the integral of some Lagrangian density: $$S[\phi]=\int d^dx {\cal L}(\phi(x),\partial\_\mu \phi(x),\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu \phi(x))\tag{1}.$$
The Lagrangian density ${\cal L}$ is actually a function of finitely many variables which gets evaluated when these variables take on the values $\phi(x)$, $\partial\_\mu \phi(x)$, $\partial\_{\mu}\partial\_\nu\phi(x)$ and so on for each $x$.
Now consider performing one transformation $\phi\mapsto \phi'$. Then presumably your action would change and this is quantified by $$\delta S=S[\phi']-S[\phi]\tag{2}.$$
Saying that $\delta S=0$ means that the field transformation leaves the action invariant and this is exactly (13.133). This is the *definition* of a symmetry: *a symmetry of the action $S[\phi]$ is defined to be a transformation of the fields keeping the action invariant*.
So to check a symmetry you need to know the transformation. A scalar field $\phi(x)$ transforms under translations as: $$\phi'(x)=\phi(x-a)\tag{3}.$$
This is a definition. Observe that $\phi'(x)$ and $\phi(x)$, when compared at the same point, are different. Since equality between functions is pointwise equality, this means that $\phi'(x)$ and $\phi(x)$ are two different functions on spacetime, as expected since you transformed your field configuration. How the field changes at each point is quantified by the variation $\delta \phi(x)=\phi'(x)-\phi(x)$.
Now, given (3) you can check the KG action is invariant. To do so, observe that using the chain rule, the derivatives transform just as $\phi$ itself, $\partial\_\mu \phi'(x)=(\partial\_\mu \phi)(x-a)$ and $\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu\phi'(x)=(\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu \phi)(x-a)$. The brackets around the derivative are just to remind that using the chain rule we will get the function $\partial\_\mu\phi$ evaluated at $x-a$ and so on.
The point now is that we don't even need the specific KG action. All we need is that all terms in the KG Lagrangian are built from the field and its partial derivatives, this means that we have
$${\cal L}(\phi'(x),\partial\_\mu \phi'(x),\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu \phi'(x))={\cal L}(\phi(x-a),(\partial\_\mu \phi)(x-a),(\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu \phi)(x-a)).\tag{4}$$
Now substitute into the action. You will find that
$$S[\phi']=\int d^dx {\cal L}(\phi(x-a),(\partial\_\mu \phi)(x-a),(\partial\_\mu \partial\_\nu \phi)(x-a))\tag{5}.$$
Now make a change of variables $x\to x+a$. This is just a translation so the measure is kept invariant, and comparing to (1) we see that
$$S[\phi']=S[\phi].\tag{6}$$
I am not sure I understand 100% what you are asking, but I will attempt to write down an answer. If that still does not make things clear, you can always comment.
So, from what I understand, you are trying to verify that, given a Klein-Gordon (free) field, performing a translation will leave the field invariant (correct me if I am wrong) and hence Eq. (13.133) in Goldstein's Classical Mechanics will hold
$$\int\_{\Omega'}d^4x\mathcal{L}\Big(\phi'(x^{\mu}),\phi'\_{,\rho}(x^{\mu}),x^{\mu}\Big)-
\int\_{\Omega}d^4x\mathcal{L}\Big(\phi(x^{\mu}),\phi\_{,\rho}(x^{\mu}),x^{\mu}\Big)=0$$
for the case of the scalar field! Recall that the Klein-Gordon Lagrangian is given by
$$\mathcal{L}=\frac{1}{2}\partial\_{\mu}\phi\partial^{\mu}\phi-
\frac{1}{2}m^2\phi^2$$
So, you can substitute if you want with the result being
$$\int\_{\Omega'}d^4x\Big(\frac{1}{2}\partial\_{\mu}\phi'\partial^{\mu}\phi'-
\frac{1}{2}m^2\phi^{'2}\Big)-
\int\_{\Omega}d^4x\Big(\frac{1}{2}\partial\_{\mu}\phi\partial^{\mu}\phi-
\frac{1}{2}m^2\phi^2\Big)=0$$
and check that upon expanding according to $\phi\rightarrow\phi'=\phi+\delta \phi$, with $\delta\phi=a^{\mu}\partial\_{\mu}\phi$ (under translations), one can obtain the Klein-Gordon equation.
If you prefer to think it in the reverse direction (despite that no one ususally thinks it that way), you can. Take the KG equation, multiply with another field and integrate (presumably you need to add and subtract some terms) and the result will be Eq. (13.133) of the book. If you need more details on how this can be done, please comment. However, I am not so keen in providing them, because usually we derive the equations of motion (K.G. Eq.) from the demand that the action be invariant under some set of transformations instead of taking the equations of motion (K.G. Eq.), assuming that they hold and reverse engineering to reach the conclusion that the action is invariant!
If I misunderstood your question or if anything is not clear, please comment. I hope this helps...
| stackexchange/physics |
Petr Dezort born 17 January 1975 is a former professional tennis player from the Czech Republic.
Biography
Dezort made his only main draw ATP Tour appearance in 1999, in the doubles at the Croatia Open, held in Umag. He and partner Leoš Friedl were beaten in the first round by Spaniards Carlos Moyá and Roberto Carretero, in three sets. His two Challenger titles, won in Tampere and Budaörs, were both in doubles. As a singles player he had a win over Nikolay Davydenko at the 2001 Linz Challenger and also registered wins during his Challenger career against Mario Ančić and Juan Ignacio Chela. He played in the qualifying rounds at all four Grand Slam tournaments.
Challenger titles
Doubles: 2
References
External links
Category:1975 births
Category:Living people
Category:Czech male tennis players | wikipedia |
What's the physical reason that a massive vector field has only three linearly-independent physical polarizations?
While a four-vector field $A\_\mu$ has four components, for a massive field there are only three linearly independent combinations of these components that correspond to physical situations. This follows from Maxwell's equations which yield the condition
\begin{equation}
\epsilon\_\mu p^\mu = 0 \, .
\end{equation}
What's the physical meaning of this condition? In other words, what's the *physical* reason that a massive vector field only possesses three polarization degrees of freedom?
---
In a previous related [question of mine](https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/359596/do-the-equations-of-motion-simply-tell-us-which-degrees-of-freedom-are-superfluo), @ACuriousMind mentioned that
>
> The other degree of freedom (the one also having to be eliminated for a massive vector field with three degrees of freedom) is eliminated by a constraint setting the timelike Hamiltonian canonical momentum to zero, which has nothing to do with Maxwell's equations (it's simply the almost trivial statement that $F^{00} =0 $).
>
>
>
However, I'm not really able to understand the physical content of this comments.
A generic four-vector field contains four degrees of freedom that upon quantization describe a spin-1 and a spin-0 particle. In the action for the Proca field, the spin-0 component is projected out by using an antisymmetric kinetic term. So the answer to your question really is: there are only three degrees of freedom in the Proca field since we want it to describe a spin-1 particle. Why spin one corresponds to three spin polarizations is ordinary quantum mechanics.
Your equation $\epsilon\_\mu p^\mu=0$ is just a Lorent-covariant form of the statement that in the rest frame, the polarization vector of a spin-1 particle is purely spatial.
| stackexchange/physics |
sample population - this hospital - based study was performed using the
database from the chagas disease laboratory of the centre for studies on chagas disease
( nedoc ) , which started in 1978 and provides clinical and laboratory diagnoses for this
infection .
the population referred to nedoc for diagnosis derives from the clinics
hospital [ a teaching hospital at the federal university of gois ( hc - ufg ) , brazil ] ,
blood banks in the state of gois ( go ) , private practices and a screening program for
all pregnant women living in go ( operating since 2004 ) ( botelho et al .
all pregnant women confirmed to be positive for chagas disease are
requested to bring their child for testing six months after birth .
in addition , all
women with confirmed infections who have children are also requested to bring them to be
tested for chagas disease ( carlier et al .
all serum samples are subjected to either three or four conventional serological tests :
indirect immunofluorescence ( iif ) ( in house with biomrieux conjugate , france ) , indirect
haemagglutination ( iha ) ( wiener , argentina ) , elisa ( biomanguinhos - fiocruz , brazil ) and
elisa ( grupo bios , chile ) .
samples are stored indefinitely in frozen aliquots ( at -20c )
and thawed when needed .
selection of sera - we searched our records of 20,667 sera for those
belonging to individuals less than 21 years old that were seen between november
1994-october 2014 and we identified 2,167 sera fitting these criteria .
subsequently , we linked the
cases to their respective mothers and found 1,361 case - mother pairs .
pairs were excluded
if they had any of the following : mother with negative serology ( n = 74 ) , mother with
dubious serology ( n = 10 ) , mother already given specific treatment ( n
= 4 ) , child from
whom we had only a sample of cord blood or blood collected before six months of age ( n =
44 ) , child with positive serology who lived in an endemic area where vector transmission
could not be ruled out ( n = 14 ) or child who received a blood transfusion ( n = 3 ) .
after
the exclusions , we had 1,211 pairs of sera from children and their mothers with
confirmed infections .
exclusion of 150 pairs did not modify the profile of the case population , which had a
mean age of 7.4 years and was 50.7% male . for cases where the diagnosis was unclear ,
inconclusive serology was defined as results including
one or more positive test , one or more negative test and one or more borderline
test .
diagnosis of congenital transmission was made either by direct parasitological methods
( in the newborn ) or by positive serology of all four tests after four months of age .
exclusion of congenital transmission was determined by a negative serology at any age
from a child / young adult born from a mother with confirmed infection .
all mothers completed a questionnaire , which collected information on the municipality
where each mother was born and the subsequent places where they lived .
statistical analysis - we provide descriptive statistics for population
characteristics and the frequency of congenital transmission .
continuous variables were compared using
student s t test . in all statistical tests ,
ethics - institutional review board approval was obtained for all study
procedures at the hc - ufg .
family study - after exclusions , though some mothers infections were
not obvious , 1,211 pairs of individuals less than 21 years old and their mothers , who
were proven to be infected by four different serological tests , were found .
there was no predominant sex among the young individuals ( 591 male and 573 female ) and
their mean age was 7.4 years old ( age range : 110 days - 20 years old ) .
the distribution
of age is shown in table i. in 23 cases , the sex
of the child was not determined because the samples were received with only the name of
the mother ( i.e. , newborn of mms ) .
table ichildren : distribution by age - clinics hospital , federal university of
gois , goinia , gois , brazil , 1994 - 2014age
group ( years)no transmission
transmission
totalchildren/ young
adults ( n)gender f / m ( n)mean age ( years)congenital
transmission ( n)gender f / m ( n)mean age ( years)0 - 1266107/1360.741/30.42701.1 - 12610306/3046.395/44.861913 - 20311160/15115.1116/517.5322total1,187573/5917.42412/129.91,211f : female ; m : male .
children without transmission - in 1,187 samples from children ,
serological results were negative .
these results were stratified by age into newborns
( < 1 year old ) , children ( up to 12 years old ) and young adults ( 13 - 20 years old )
( table i ) . among the newborns ( n = 266 ) , a second collection of blood
was required in 71
individuals because the serum was from cord blood or was taken before six months of age .
it should be emphasised that all blood collected before six months of age showed
antibodies against t. cruzi , even in cases where the antibodies
disappeared in a later , second collection of blood . therefore
this was clear from the high antibody titres in blood taken at one - two
months of age . in some cases , if the first collection was at three - four months , one or
more serological reactions was negative or inconclusive , indicating a decay in antibody
titres , which was confirmed on a second collection of blood after six months of age .
as
already explained , mothers with inconclusive serology results were excluded . among those children who had only a single collection taken , the youngest was 110 days
of age at the collection time and two other cases were five months of age ( 160 and 178
days ) .
for example , the
youngest case ( 110 days of age ) had two negative tests ( elisa and iha ) , an iif with a
titre of 1/20 ( inconclusive ) and a positive wiener elisa recombinant test , with an index
1.2 times higher than the cut - off optical density ( od ) .
however , in comparing the results with
those of the mother , it was found that she had low antibody titres , as follows : elisa
1.4 times higher than the cut - off od , iif 1/320 , iha 1/320 and elisa wiener recombinant
7.1 times higher than the cut - off od .
these titres , though low , were several times
higher than those of the son ; thus , we concluded that his serology was negative . for the second group of children ( 1 - 12 years old ,
n = 610 ) , a single collection of blood
was enough to show no antibodies against t. cruzi .
most cases were
clearly negative , but one of the tests occasionally showed a borderline reactivity . in
four cases ,
one test was positive but the other three were negative , confirming the
absence of specific antibodies .
for the third group of individuals ( over 12 years old , n = 311 ) , a single collection of
blood was also sufficient and no cases of positivity in only one of the four tests was
observed .
children with transmission - among the 1,211 pairs of individuals and
their mothers , antibodies were present in 24 individuals and in their respective
mothers .
all of these 24 individuals lived in urban areas and had not received previous
transfusions , thus they were classified as having congenital transmission of parasites
from their mothers .
the diagnosis was
performed by the finding of parasites in two cases , one at 13 days of age and the other
at 58 days of age ( table ii , cases 1 , 3 ) .
interestingly , a search of parasites was performed in another 38 newborns because they
were born from infected mothers , with negative results .
later , all of these cases proved
to be the result of the passive transference of maternal antibodies .
table iidescription of 24 congenital cases , clinics hospital , federal university of
gois ( nedoc ) , goinia , gois ( go ) , brazil , 1994 - 2014casedate of birthdate blood
collectedagesexdiagnosissent bymother bornremarksecgtreatmentfollow - up1 - 2051815 august 200728 august 200713 dmstroutpaediatriciancorrentina ba2 siblings
negativenormalbz-2007 10 mg x 60 d4 y cured2 - 1992313 february 20078 may 20072 mfserologypaediatriciancongenital ( case 23)1 sister normalnormalbz-20103 y positive3 - 286951 july 201228 august 20122 mmfresh bloodpaediatriciancanapolis ba2 siblings negativenormalbz-20121 y positive4 - 2315414 april 200816 march 200911 mmserologynational health servicecaibate rs1 sister congenital ( case 8) and
1 negativenormalbz-2009lost5 - 209167 july 20068
november 20071 yfserologystate program for pregnantcavalcante go2 siblings negativendlostlost6 - 2822112 february 20116 march 20121 yfserologynational health serviceso luiz m belos go1 brother negativenormalbz-2012lost7 - 1059520 november 199831 october 20001 y 11 momserologypaediatriciandead for chagas disease go2 siblings negativenormalbz-2001 5 mg x 60 d2 y cured8 - 2097727 may 200521 november 20072 yfserologystate program for pregnantcaibat rssister of case 4normalbz-2008lost9 - 1495225 november 199813 october 20045 ymserologynedoccarinhanha ba2 siblings negativenormalbz-20057 y positive10 - 1163522 january 19954
go1 sibling negativenormalbz 20014 y lost13 - 3083327 june 20048 august 201410 ymserologystate program for pregnantparacatu mgndndndrecent14 - 1788820 july 199116 may 200614 ymserologynedoc ( cardiopaediatrician)formosa go1 sibling negativescbz-2006dead 200815 - 1402615 march 198729 january 200416 ymserologynedocparana go1 sibling negativenormalbz-20042 y lost16 - 1974620 january 19893 april 200717 yfserologystate program for pregnantmother dead for chagas
disease1 newborn negativenormalbz refused-17 - 58782 september 197718 july 199618 ymserologyblood donorouro verde gonoscnopacemaker 1998 dead 200818 - 789124 july 197918 june 199818 ymserologyblood donoritapaci gonosbnolost19 - 1511221 january 199616 november 200418 yfserologynedocsanclerlndia gononormalbz 20058 y positive serology
indeterminate form20 - 2073615 june 198928 september 200718 yfserologystate program for pregnantsanta terezinha gonoavbnolost alive 201121 - 2162831 july 198918 april 200818 yfserologystate program for pregnantaruana gonoavrnolost22 - 225058 september
199015 october 200818 ymserologyblood donormother dead for chagas
disease2 sisters negativendnolost23 - 1549412 may 198518 february 200519 yfserologystate program for pregnantitapaci gomother of case 2normalrefused-24 - 2001926 march 199821 may 200719 yfserologystate program for pregnantnova amrica go1 sister and 1 newborn
negativecrbbbnolostavb : atrioventricular block ; avr : non - specific alteration of ventricular
repolarisation ; bz : benznidazole ; crbbb : complete right bundle branch block ;
d : day ; egc : eletrocardiography ; m : month ; nd : not done ; sb : sinus
bradycardia ( 52 bpm ) ; sc : severe cardiopathy ; y : year .
brazilian states :
bahia ( ba ) , minas gerais ( mg ) , rio grande do sul ( rs ) .
avb : atrioventricular block ; avr : non - specific alteration of ventricular
repolarisation ; bz : benznidazole ; crbbb : complete right bundle branch block ;
d : day ; egc : eletrocardiography ; m : month ; nd : not done ; sb : sinus
bradycardia ( 52 bpm ) ; sc : severe cardiopathy ; y : year .
brazilian states :
bahia ( ba ) , minas gerais ( mg ) , rio grande do sul ( rs ) .
regarding age at time of diagnosis , four cases were less than one year old , nine were
one-10 years old and 11 were older than 12 years old .
other demographic characteristics ,
diagnostic method , mother s origin , siblings , electrocardiogram result , treatment and
follow up are shown in table ii .
interestingly ,
two cases ( cases 4 , 8) were from the same mother , who was born in a different state , rs ,
where the prevalence of congenital transmission is apparently high . as all other mothers
were born and lived in central brazil , the real transmission rate in mothers from this
region was 22 cases out of 1,209 pairs , which makes the rate of transmission for central
brazil even lower ( 1.8% ) .
most cases were diagnosed via positive serology , which was confirmed by
several techniques .
only two cases were diagnosed because of the presence of parasites
( table ii ) .
newborns were sent to nedoc by a
paediatrician , whereas some of the young adults came as blood donors after being
detected by screening at the blood bank .
most of the female young adults were detected
by the state program for pregnant women ( n = 8) .
mothers of several of the congenital
cases brought their other children for testing ; however , most of them were not infected .
the single exception was the mother born in rs , who contributed two congenital
cases .
regarding the symptoms in these individuals , most of them were asymptomatic and had
normal electrocardiogram results ( n = 15 ) ( table
ii ) .
nevertheless , severe cardiopathy was diagnosed in three individuals ; two
of them , aged 14 and 18 years old , later died .
some mothers did not bring their children back or refused treatment . for those who
started benznidazole ,
two were cured ( cases 1 , 7 ) , with negative serology after four and two years of follow
up , respectively .
another two treated individuals still have positive serology at high
titres , even after seven and eight years after treatment .
the number of individuals recorded was 1,211 , but the number of mothers was 678 ( table iii ) .
some mothers contributed up to six
children . when mothers who contributed more than three children ( n = 34 ) and their 149
respective children were excluded , the proportion of the numbers of children / mothers
remained similar ( 1.79 and 1.65 , respectively ) .
table iiinumber of mothers and children studied - clinics hospital , federal
university of gois , goinia , gois , brazil , 1994 - 2014children / mother ( n)mothers ( n)children ( n)children congenital
( n)131931982232464639327910
42496 - 5735 - 6318-total6781,21124
a : two from the same mother .
a : two from the same mother . to determine the location of infection in the mothers ,
most of them lived their childhood in the same endemic
region and after reaching eight-10 years of age , moved to a large city .
more mothers
were born ( and likely infected ) in the state of bahia ( ba ) ( 57% ) than in go ( 31% ) ( table iv ) and there were also mothers from other
brazilian states and a bolivian mother .
interestingly , the mothers who transmitted the
infection were mainly born in go ( 66% ) .
table ivgeographical origin of mothers where acquired the infection - clinics
hospital , federal university of gois , goinia , gois ( go ) , brazil ,
1994 - 2014originmain microregions
n ( % ) congenital
transmission ( n)proportionba2925 - 2926 - 2930389 ( 57.4)416.6go5201 - 5206 - 5212210 ( 31)1666.7mg3126 - 312931 ( 4.6)14.2to1714 - 171514 ( 2.1)14.2northeast regionpb , ce , pe , rn , al18 ( 2.7)--southeast regionpr , rs2 ( 0.3)28.3other statesms , mt , pa6 ( 0.9)--boliviasanta cruz1 ( 0.1)--no information-7 ( 1)--total-678 ( 100)24100
a : brazilian states ( ibge
2014 ) : alagoas ( al ) , bahia ( ba ) , cear ( ce ) , mato grosso ( mt ) ,
mato grosso do sul ( ms ) , minas gerais ( mg ) , par ( pa ) , paraba ( pb ) , paran
( pr ) , pernambuco ( pe ) , rio grande do norte ( rn ) , rio grande do sul ( rs ) ,
tocantins ( to ) .
a : brazilian states ( ibge
2014 ) : alagoas ( al ) , bahia ( ba ) , cear ( ce ) , mato grosso ( mt ) ,
mato grosso do sul ( ms ) , minas gerais ( mg ) , par ( pa ) , paraba ( pb ) , paran
( pr ) , pernambuco ( pe ) , rio grande do norte ( rn ) , rio grande do sul ( rs ) ,
tocantins ( to ) .
this is a detailed study of 1,211 pairs of individuals and their mothers who were
serologically confirmed to be infected with t. cruzi .
all serology was
carefully performed with at least four different techniques of different principles .
inconclusive results , usually observed in 1.4% of serological tests for detection of
t. cruzi infection ( luquetti &
schmuis 2010 ) , were excluded .
when the concentration of antibodies was low in
one of the tests , aliquots of sera were separated and all tests were performed again .
there were three population groups : mothers with high antibody titres , individuals born
from these mothers with a clear negative serology and a small group of 22 sera from
individuals less than 21 years old with positive results and high antibody titres . in
two cases , parasites were found with direct tests ; these individuals were at an age
where maternal antibodies were present as well .
a questionnaire was administered to each mother at the time blood was taken at nedoc to
determine the place in which they were born , how many years they lived there and the
subsequent places in which they lived , as well as the time spent in each municipality
and the residence at present . from each mother ,
a record for the place in which they
probably acquired the infection was created , chiefly considering the first 10 years of
life .
most of the mothers remained in the same place during childhood ( data not shown ) .
in a few cases where mothers had not lived in endemic areas , there was a suspicion that
some could have acquired chagas disease by a congenital mechanism . in four such
instances , it was possible to collect blood from the mother ( grandmother of the child )
and congenital transmission
two of the mothers who
acquired the infection congenitally contributed their own congenitally infected
children , supporting the idea of second generation congenital transmission ( carlier & truyens 2010 ) . from the populations with conclusive results ,
i.e. , presence or absence of antibodies
against t. cruzi ( or parasites in 2 newborns ) , a group of 24 was
labelled as resulting from congenital transmission
taking into account that one mother was born in another state
( rs ) and contributed with two of these cases , the rate of transmission from mothers born
in states other than rs , mainly in central brazil , was 1.8% .
studies on congenital transmission are difficult to perform because the rate is low ,
below 10% .
therefore , it is necessary to survey hundreds of mothers to select those
infected .
study design also depends on the prevalence of chagas infection ( oms / ops 2006 ) . if the expected prevalence is 5%
( high ) , it is necessary to look for 2,000 pregnant women to find 100 infected and less
than 10 children infected .
studies with less than 200 infected mothers could have a
strong bias in relation to the rate of congenital transmission .
large studies were
performed in only three countries ( argentina , bolivia and paraguay ) and results from
over 2,500 infected mothers gave a precise figure for the rate of transmission , which
was remarkably similar between studies at 4 - 6% ( carlier
& truyens 2010 , howard et al .
2014 ) . in brazil , studies are shorter and rates lower ( martins - melo et al . 2014 ) , begging the question : why ?
one reason is that the
prevalence of congenital transmission in the last decade in brazil is less than 1% , so
it was necessary to study 10,000 pregnant women to obtain 100 infected women and a few
cases of congenital transmission .
however , even in the few reports where more than 100
infected mothers were studied , the prevalence of congenital transmission was lower than
in the three countries referred to above . an opportunity to unravel
a national serological survey was conducted between 2002 - 2008 by
collecting 104,954 samples on filter paper from children born after insecticides were
sprayed throughout the country ( luquetti et al .
roughly one in every three municipalities in all of brazil ( with the
exception of rj ) was included .
we found 20 cases in which samples from the children
positive for t. cruzi correlated with the positivity of the mothers .
this confirmation was performed by blood collection from the child and the mother , using
the same methodology as in this report ( 4 serological tests ) .
these cases were labelled
as congenital because vectorial and other mechanisms of transmission were ruled out .
the
striking and unexpected finding was that the majority ( 12 ) of these cases were found in
a single state , rs . in this state , only 4,529 samples of filter paper were collected , as
opposed to all the other states that contributed with 100,425 samples ( i.e. , at ba
16,489 samples were collected , with a single congenital transmission ) . in all the other
states combined , only eight cases of congenital transmission were observed .
geographical differences in chagas disease clinical manifestations are well known and
recognised ( prata 1975 ) .
megaesophagus is
prevalent mainly in central brazil ( de rezende &
luquetti 1994 ) .
mortality due to chagas disease is higher in central brazil ,
mainly go and minas gerais .
specific treatment with nifurtimox ( nfx ) is less effective
in brazil than in other countries such as chile and argentina , however prata et al .
cases of cardiopathy are recognised as infrequent in rs and cases of
megaesophagus are mainly of group i , the less severe type ( de rezende & luquetti 1994 ) .
all of this evidence indicates a
similarity of the disease patterns between rs and other countries and calls attention to
potential differences in the host or the parasite within brazil .
recently , t. cruzi has been recognised to be divided into six different
groups called discrete typing units ( dtus ) , from tci to tcvi ( zingales et al .
tc i has mainly been found in humans at the north of the amazonian river .
this type of
t. cruzi has also been found in vectors and occasionally in humans
below the amazonian river .
very few autochthonous cases of congenital infection from
colombia , venezuela , central america and mexico have been described .
cases found in the
usa were all imported from mothers born in south america .
the related cases found in
europe ( spain , switzerland ) were all from mothers born mainly in bolivia .
tcii has been found in humans mainly in central brazil , associated with megaesophagus
and severe cardiopathy .
we published a 1986 paper in which all chronic phase patients
harboured tcii , at the time known as zimodeme 2 ( luquetti et al .
, it has been determined that tcii had a higher prevalence ( unpublished
observations ) .
tc iii and iv are infrequent , found mainly in mammals in the sylvatic cycle in the
amazonian region .
tcv is the main dtu found in humans to the south of the amazonian river in chile ,
bolivia , argentina , paraguay , uruguay and the south of brazil ( corrales et al .
all these countries report large numbers of
cases and neonatal transmission has been higher , with prevalence values approximately 4%
and 6% .
tcvi has also been found in regions where tcv is present , but mainly in mammals and only
occasionally in humans .
for the reasons outlined above , it is reasonable to propose that in central brazil ,
where tcii is the main dtu isolated , this parasite subtype is responsible for the
observed geographical differences in disease pattern , as evidenced by the high
prevalence of megaesophagus and decreased efficacy of nfx in treated patients .
based on
the results found in the current study , we suggest that tcii is also responsible for a
lower rate of congenital transmission .
these data are concordant with those found in the
national survey and provide new evidence that the parasite subtype is an essential
factor .
we conclude that in central brazil , a region of tcii prevalence , congenital transmission
is lower than in other countries of the south cone and in other areas in the south of
brazil where tcv predominates .
this is the first description of an association between a
particular dtu ( tcii ) and the frequency of congenital transmission . | pubmed |
all graphs considered in this paper are simple , finite and undirected .
we follow the notation and terminology of bondy and murty @xcite .
an edge - colored graph @xmath0 is _ rainbow connected _ if any two vertices are connected by a path whose edges have distinct colors . obviously , if @xmath0 is rainbow connected , then it is also connected .
this concept of rainbow connection in graphs was introduced by chartrand et al . in @xcite .
the _ rainbow connection number _ of a connected graph @xmath0 , denoted by @xmath1 , is the smallest number of colors that are needed in order to make @xmath0 rainbow connected .
an easy observation is that if @xmath0 is of order @xmath4 then @xmath5 , since one may color the edges of one spanning tree of @xmath0 with different colors and the remaining edges with colors already used .
it is easy to verify that @xmath6 if and only if @xmath0 is a complete graph , that @xmath7 if and only if @xmath0 is a tree .
notice that for the cycle @xmath8 of order @xmath4 , @xmath9 .
it was shown that computing the rainbow connection number of an arbitrary graph is np - hard @xcite .
there are some approaches to study the bounds of @xmath1 with respect to the minimum degree @xmath10 . in @xcite caro et al .
have shown that if @xmath0 is a graph of order @xmath4 with minimum degree @xmath11 , then @xmath12 . by employing the method of @xmath13-step dominating set , krivelevich and yuster @xcite
have shown that a connected graph @xmath0 with @xmath4 vertices and minimum degree @xmath11 has @xmath14 .
schiermeyer @xcite proved that @xmath15 for graphs with minimum degree three . very recently , chandran et al .
@xcite have improved the upper bound of krivelevich and yuster by showing that for every connected graph @xmath0 of order @xmath4 and minimum degree @xmath11 , @xmath16 . with respect to the the relation between @xmath1 and the connectivity @xmath17 , in @xcite , the author mentioned that hajo broersma asked a question at the iwoca workshop : what happens with the value @xmath1 for graphs with higher connectivity .
schiermeyer @xcite have shown that if @xmath0 is a graph of order @xmath4 with @xmath18 and @xmath19 , then @xmath20 . in @xcite caro
et al . proved that if @xmath21 then @xmath22 . from the result of chandran et al .
@xcite , we can easily obtain an upper bound of the rainbow connection number : @xmath23 therefore , for @xmath24 , @xmath25 , and @xmath26 , @xmath27 . in this paper , motivated by the results in @xcite
, we will improve this bound by showing the following result .
[ thm ] if @xmath0 is a @xmath3-connected simple graph with @xmath4 vertices , then @xmath28 . before proceeding
, we recall the fan lemma , which will be used frequently in the sequel .
let @xmath0 be a @xmath29-connected graph , @xmath30 a vertex of @xmath0 , and let @xmath31 be a set of at least @xmath29 vertices of @xmath0
. then there exists a @xmath29-fan in @xmath0 from @xmath30 to @xmath32 , namely there exists a family of @xmath29 internally disjoint @xmath33-paths whose terminal vertices are distinct in y.
let @xmath34 be a maximal connected subgraph of @xmath0 satisfying that @xmath35 , where @xmath36 is the number of vertices of @xmath34 .
we first claim the existence of @xmath34 . if @xmath0 contains a triangle @xmath37 , then we can choose the triangle as @xmath34 , since @xmath38 . if @xmath0 contains @xmath39 ( @xmath40 and @xmath41 ) as a subgraph , then we take @xmath42 , since @xmath43 .
now suppose all the cycles contained in @xmath0 are of length @xmath44 , then we can take @xmath34 as the graph obtained by adding one pendent edge to @xmath45 .
observe that @xmath46 and @xmath47 .
we next claim that @xmath48 . by contradiction .
suppose there are four distinct vertices outside of @xmath34 , denoted by @xmath49
. then by the fan lemma , each of them has three internally disjoint paths to @xmath34 .
we assume first each of @xmath50 has three neighbors in @xmath34 .
let @xmath51 be the edges incident to the vertex @xmath52 , @xmath53 .
we can add @xmath50 to @xmath34 , and form a lager subgraph @xmath54 with @xmath55 vertices .
now we use only two new colors @xmath56 and @xmath13 to color the @xmath57 edges . assigning color @xmath56 to edges @xmath58 for @xmath59 and color @xmath13 to other @xmath60 edges
. then we have @xmath61 contradicting to the choice of @xmath34 .
it follows that at least one of these four vertices , say @xmath30 , has the property that one of the three internally disjoint @xmath62-paths @xmath63 has length at least two .
furthermore , among all vertices satisfying the above property , we choose vertex @xmath30 such that one of the three paths has length one , say @xmath64 , and that the sum of lengths of @xmath65 and @xmath66 is as large as possible .
denote @xmath67 and @xmath68 with @xmath69 and @xmath70 for all @xmath71 and @xmath72 .
with loss of generality , we assume @xmath73 , and then @xmath74 . we first assume @xmath75
. we can add @xmath76 to @xmath34 and form a larger subgraph @xmath54 with @xmath77 vertices .
if @xmath78 is even , then we can color the @xmath79 edges of path @xmath80 with @xmath81 new colors . in the first half of the path the colors are all distinct , and the same ordering of colors
is repeated in the second half of the path .
we can color edge @xmath82 with any color already appeared in @xmath34 , and then it is straightforward to verify that @xmath54 is rainbow connected . if @xmath78 is odd , then we can color the @xmath79 edges of path @xmath80 with @xmath83 new colors as follows .
the middle edge of the path and edge @xmath82 get any color that already used in @xmath34 .
the first @xmath83 edges of the path all receive distinct new colors , and in the last @xmath83 edges of the path this coloring is repeated in the same order .
again it is straightforward to verify that @xmath54 is rainbow connected .
we now have @xmath84 contradicting the maximality of @xmath34 .
hence , we only assume @xmath85 .
we consider three cases as follows .
since there are at least @xmath89 vertices outside of @xmath34 , there exists at least one vertex different from @xmath30 , @xmath90 and @xmath91 , say @xmath92 . by the choice of @xmath30
, there is no @xmath93-path , @xmath94-path and @xmath95-path without using any vertex of @xmath34 except one case : there is one path of length two joining @xmath30 to @xmath34 through @xmath92 , say @xmath96 with @xmath97 . in this case
, we only consider the three paths @xmath65 , @xmath66 and @xmath98 ( as shown in figure [ fig2](a ) ) .
we can add vertices @xmath30 , @xmath90 , @xmath91 and @xmath92 to @xmath34 and form a larger subgraph @xmath54 with @xmath55 vertices . by assigning color @xmath56 to edges @xmath99 , @xmath100 , color @xmath13 to edges @xmath101 , @xmath102 , and
one color already appeared in @xmath34 to edges @xmath103 , @xmath104 , we have a contradiction as @xmath105 now by the fan lemma , there are three internally disjoint @xmath106-paths @xmath107 . by the choice of @xmath30 , the lengths of @xmath107 only have four possibilities : * subcase 1.1 . * @xmath108 .
let @xmath109 .
we can add @xmath110 and @xmath92 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath55 . by assigning color @xmath56 to @xmath99 , @xmath82 , @xmath111 , @xmath112 , @xmath113 , and color @xmath13 to @xmath101 , @xmath114 , @xmath115 , as shown in figure [ fig1](1 )
, we can obtain that @xmath116 , a contradiction .
* subcase 1.2 . * @xmath117 .
let @xmath118 .
we can add @xmath110 , @xmath92 and @xmath119 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath120 . by coloring all edges of paths @xmath63 the same as subcase 1.1 and assigning color @xmath56 to @xmath112 , @xmath121 , color @xmath13 to @xmath113 , and color @xmath3 to @xmath122 , as shown in figure [ fig1](2 ) , we can obtain that @xmath123 , a contradiction .
* subcase 1.3 .
* @xmath124 .
let @xmath125 .
we can add @xmath110 , @xmath126 and @xmath119 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath127 . by coloring all edges of paths @xmath63 the same as subcase 1.1 and assigning color @xmath56 to @xmath128 , @xmath121 , color @xmath13 to @xmath129 , and color @xmath3 to @xmath112 , @xmath122 , as shown in figure [ fig1](3 ) , we can obtain that @xmath130 , a contradiction .
* subcase 1.4 . * @xmath131 .
let @xmath132 .
we can add @xmath110 , @xmath133 and @xmath134 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath127 . by coloring all edges of paths @xmath63 the same as subcase 1.1 and assigning color @xmath56 to @xmath135 , color @xmath13 to @xmath121 , and color @xmath3 to @xmath112 , @xmath113 , @xmath136 , as shown in figure [ fig1](4 ) , we can obtain that @xmath130 , a contradiction . since @xmath139 , there are three disjoint @xmath140-paths by the fan lemma .
then there is at least one additional @xmath140-path @xmath98 except paths @xmath141 and @xmath142 . by the choice of @xmath30 ,
the length of @xmath98 must be at most two .
if @xmath98 is of length two , then this is the case of figure [ fig2](a ) , we have done .
if @xmath98 is of length one , then paths @xmath143 , @xmath142 and @xmath98 build the same structure as case 1 , and thus we have done .
since @xmath73 , we have @xmath145 .
now we can assume @xmath146 and @xmath87 .
then there are at least two distinct vertices outside of @xmath34 different from @xmath30 and @xmath91 , say @xmath92 and @xmath147 .
similarly , for @xmath148 , there is no @xmath149-path and @xmath150-path without using any vertex of @xmath34 .
so there are also three internally disjoint @xmath106-paths @xmath107 and @xmath151-paths @xmath152 , respectively .
if all these paths are of length one , then we can add @xmath153 , @xmath92 and @xmath147 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath55 . by assigning color @xmath56 to edges @xmath82 , @xmath111 , @xmath154 , color @xmath13 to edges @xmath155 , @xmath156 , @xmath157
, we can obtain that @xmath158 , a contradiction .
otherwise , without loss of generality , we assume one of the three @xmath106-paths @xmath107 has length @xmath13 .
let @xmath118 .
we can add @xmath153 , @xmath92 and @xmath119 to @xmath34 , and form a larger graph @xmath54 of order @xmath55 . by assigning color @xmath56 to edges @xmath82 , @xmath155 , @xmath111 , @xmath156 , color @xmath13 to edges @xmath112 , @xmath113 , @xmath121 , @xmath122 , we can obtain that @xmath159 , a contradiction . | arxiv |
the development of biologically active nanoparticles that can facilitate the delivery of therapeutic and/or diagnostic agents to precise regions within the human body has gained widespread attention in the past 10 years . while many have successfully designed and tested such nanovectors in vivo , little
atomic force microscopy ( afm ) , a surface analytical technique that generates nanoscale topographical images under physiological - like conditions , combined with fluorescence microscopy is an attractive tool for characterizing nanoparticle - cell membrane interactions and may afford the opportunity to image biological processes , such as cellular endocytosis of nanovectors and reorganization of the cytoskeleton , in real time .
liposomes were one of the first classes of engineered nanoparticles to be used to deliver drugs within the human body .
one of the major disadvantages of using standard liposome formulations is their rapid clearance from circulation due to uptake by the reticuloendothelial system . to resolve this problem ,
long - circulating liposomes were developed in the early 1990s [ 2 , 3 ] .
long - circulating liposomes have polyethylene glycol ( peg ) derivatives attached to their surfaces .
the conformational flexibility of peg chains creates a sterical barrier that allows the liposomes to evade uptake by the reticuloendothelial system and remain in circulation for a longer time , increasing the possibility for targeting .
the ability to pegylate liposomes , for the purpose of mitigating a systemic immune response and/or enhancing prolonged vascular circulation , has made these particles attractive nanovectors for increasing the efficacy of therapeutics .
for instance , doxil entraps doxorubicin ( an anthracycline antibiotic used as a chemotherapy agent ) within a pegylated liposome for treating kaposi 's sarcoma .
our laboratory is designing liposomes that are immunospecific to inflamed endothelium , a hallmark of atherosclerosis , for the purpose of imaging lipid - rich plaques before the onset of clinical symptoms ( e.g. , angina , coronary stenosis , etc . ) . while in vivo studies of liposomes plaque specificity ( imaged by computed tomography )
are currently underway , we are also determining how these liposomes interact with endothelial cells that have been induced to express an inflammatory response .
some nanoparticles can also be used as imaging contrast agents and as reinforcement elements to improve visual enhancement .
colloidal gold has excellent detection capabilities for single - molecule tracking [ 7 , 8 ] .
the aim of this project was to standardize the use of gold nanoparticles as a nontoxic means to detect pegylated liposomes by afm , on the membranes of live human coronary artery endothelial cells ( hcaecs ) , to elucidate internalization processes .
1,2-dipalmitoyl - sn - glycero-3-phosphocholine ( dppc ) ; cholesterol ; 1,2-distearoyl - sn - glycero-3-phosphoethanolamine - n-[carboxy ( polyethyleneglycol ) 2000 ] ( dspe - peg ( 2000)-cooh ) ; and 1,2-distearoyl - sn - glycero-3-phosphoethanolamine - n-[methoxy ( polyethyleneglycol)-2000 ] ( dspe - peg ( 2000 ) ) were purchased from avanti polar lipids ( alabaster , al , usa ) .
n-(fluorescein-5-thiocarbamoyl)-1,2-dihexa - decanoyl - sn - glycero-3-phosphoethanolamine ( dhpe - fitc ) was purchased from molecular probes ( eugene , or , usa ) .
dimethyl sulfoxide anhydrous 99.9% ( dmso ) , n-(3-dimethylaminopropyl)-n-ethylcarbodiimide hydrochloride ( edc ) , chloroform a.c.s .
reagent 99.8% with amylenes as stabilizer , 2-(n - morpholino ) ethanesulfonic acid ( mes ) , collagen from calf skin , neutralbuffered formalin 10% , and dynasore monohydrate were purchased from sigma - aldrich ( st .
n - hydroxysulfosuccinimide ( sulfo - nhs ) was purchased from pierce ( rockford , il , usa ) .
amine - peg conjugated spherical gold nanoparticles ( 90-nm gold nanoparticles ) were purchased from nanopartz ( salt lake city , ut , usa ) .
hcaecs ( cc-2585 lot # en000307 ) , endothelial cell basal medium-2 ( ebm-2 ) , and the endothelial cell growth medium ( egm-2 ) bulletkit ( singlequots ) were purchased from lonza ( walkersville , md , usa ) .
eight - well lab - tek chamber permanox slides were purchased from nalge nunc int .
ruby red mica sheets ( 1 3 ) , for liposome afm imaging , were purchased from electron microscopy sciences ( hatfield , pa , usa ) .
afm cantilevers for tapping mode ( rtesp , fo = 262325 khz , k = 2080 n / m ) and contact mode ( dnp - s , fo = 1224 khz , k = 0.06
n / m ) were purchased from bruker corporation ( formerly veeco metrology ) ( santa barbara , ca , usa ) .
the liposomes were composed of dppc and cholesterol in a 3 : 1 molar ratio . the linker lipid dspe - peg ( 2000)-cooh was incorporated at a molar ratio of 3 : 1 : 0.3 , dppc : cholesterol : linker .
the synthesized liposomes were sterically stabilized by addition of a 1% solution of dspe - peg ( 2000 ) in chloroform . for fluorescence microscopy experiments ,
2 mol% of fluorescently labeled dhpe - fitc was incorporated into the lipid mixture .
the liposomes were prepared by hydration of the dry lipid film as described by others [ 10 , 11 ] .
briefly , the lipids were dissolved in chloroform , which was then carefully evaporated with a rotary evaporator ( bchi corporation ) .
the resulting dry lipid film was hydrated at 65c with mes ( 100 mm , ph 5.5 ) to a final phospholipid concentration of 30 mm .
vigorous shaking of the solution produced large multilamellar vesicles of various sizes . using an extruder ( avanti polar lipids )
, we passed the multilamellar vesicle solution 21 times through 0.2 m polycarbonate membranes at 65c to yield a homogeneous solution of unilamellar vesicles with an average diameter of 129 nm , as determined by dynamic light scattering ( dls ) measurements .
dls is one of the most common techniques to determine the radius of spherical particles in brownian motion in a solution .
the size distribution of the liposomes was measured with a dls malvern nano - zs zetasizer ( malvern instruments ltd .
the zetasizer was loaded with a liposome solution ratio 1 : 200 ( 70 m ) in 1x phosphate - buffered saline ( pbs , ph 7.4 ) solution and ran 13 cycles to obtain a measurement .
dppc liposomes have a resultant negative potential of 11.4 mv , indicating that the liposomes are stable and that they resist aggregation .
data were analyzed using the dispersion technology software version 4.20 ( malvern instruments ltd . ) .
conjugated spherical gold nanoparticles with a diameter of 90 nm ( nanopartz ) were covalently linked to the long - circulating liposomes for afm detection .
gold - liposomes were prepared by attaching the gold nanoparticles at the distal terminals of dspe - peg ( 2000)-cooh linker lipids , which have free carboxylic groups available for activation [ 9 , 13 ] .
after the dry lipid hydration and liposome isolation procedures described above , 300 l of the 30 mm liposome solution was incubated with the activating reagents edc ( 9 mg ) and sulfo - nhs ( 11 mg ) for 4 hrs at room temperature .
the free activating reagents were then removed by dialysis through a 6,0008,000 mw cut - off membrane against pbs ( ph 7.4 ) .
then , 100 l of gold nanoparticles was added to 400 l of the activated liposome solution and incubated overnight at room temperature .
the unbounded gold nanoparticles were removed by dialysis through a 500,000 mw cut - off membrane against pbs ( ph 7.4 ) , and the average size of the gold - liposomes was measured by dls .
the liposomes were deposited on mica for afm analysis by using a modification of the procedure of ramachandran et al . .
ruby red mica circles ( 11 mm diameter ) were first glued to a 3 1 glass slide with scotch super glue gel . both uncoupled liposomes and gold - coupled liposomes
the liposomes were then fixed with 10% neutral buffered formalin for 10 min , washed 3 times with ultrapure water ( barnstead water system , thermo scientific ; dubuque , ia , usa ) , and dried in a sterilgard iii hood flow before scanning .
afm liposome imaging was performed in tapping mode in air with rtesp cantilevers ( fo = 262325 khz , k = 2080 n / m ) . for the endocytosis studies , 2 10 cells
/ well of hcaecs were seeded in a collagen-(50 g / ml ) coated 8-well slide system , with ebm-2 supplemented with an egm-2 bulletkit ( singlequots ) to obtain 80% confluence after 24 hr of incubation at 37c in a 5% co2 atmosphere .
the cells were then treated with the gold - labeled liposomes at a final concentration of 1.525 mm ( solution ratio 1 : 10 in culture medium ) for four different incubation times ( 15 , 30 , 60 , and 120 min ) at 37c . during the incubations
, the slide chambers were agitated at 30 rpm with an orbit p4 digital shaker ( labnet , edison , nj , usa ) .
the cells were then washed 3 times with culture medium to remove unbounded liposomes and fixed for 15 min with 10% neutral buffered formalin .
afm studies were performed on never - dried fixed cells , after the four incubation periods , to investigate liposome - membrane interactions .
liquid scanning was performed in contact mode with dnp - s cantilevers ( fo = 1224 khz , k = 0.06 n / m ) .
image analysis was conducted with the research nanoscope software version 7.30 . for routine liposome detection
, we used a nikon te2000-e inverted optical fluorescence microscope ( nikon instruments , inc .
epifluorescence images were taken using an fitc - hyq filter set ( excitation 460500 wavelengths ) with 20 and 40x objectives , respectively .
the cells that emitted a positive fluorescent signal by the fitc - labeled liposomes were selected for afm scanning .
dynasore monohydrate is a gtpase inhibitor that targets dynamin and blocks endocytosis [ 15 , 16 ] .
dynamin has an essential role of vesicle formation in receptor - mediated endocytosis [ 17 , 18 ] .
the dynasore monohydrate was initially diluted to 20 mm in dmso ( 99.9% ) and stored in 20-l aliquots at 20c . at the time of the experiments
, it was diluted to 80 m ( 0.4% dmso ) in ebm-2 that contained no serum or albumin .
the hcaecs were then treated with dynasore monohydrate ( 80 m ) for 15 min and agitated at 30 prm at 37c before being incubated for 60 min with gold - labeled liposomes diluted 1 : 10 ( 1.525 mm ) in ebm-2 supplemented with the egm-2 bulletkit .
we chose to investigate dynasore monohydrate 's blocking effect after 60 min of incubation because , as described later , we learned that the gold liposomes had been taken up by the cells at that point in time .
this is also in agreement with the work of mastrobattista et al . , who reported that the 60% of cell - bound immunoliposomes are taken up by bronchial epithelial cells within 1 h of incubation .
our initial attempts to monitor the endocytosis of fitc liposomes by hcaecs required the utilization of an imaging contrast agent to improve visual enhancement during afm scanning .
fitc - labeled liposomes were not detectable during afm imaging when incubated with hcaecs ( see figure s1 in supplementry materials avalible online at http://dx.doi.org/10.1155/2013/875906 ) .
positive fluorescence signaling was detected from the fluorescently labeled lipid , but uncoupled liposomes were not detectable on the surface of the cell membrane during afm scanning .
this difficulty led us to use colloidal gold to perform single - molecule tracking , a common technique practiced in morphological studies [ 7 , 8 ] .
for this reason , 90 nm gold particles were coupled to fitc - labeled liposomes to facilitate particle identification in afm profiles .
the average diameter of the non - gold - coupled liposomes , as determined by dls , was 129 1.3 nm ( figure 1(a ) ) , and a polydispersity index ( pdi ) of 0.126 .
the dls results represent the averages of three different measurements ( 13 runs each ) per sample . for the gold - coupled liposomes ( figure 1(b ) ) , the dls results showed a major peak at 285 5.3 nm .
a value of 1 means that the sample is very polydisperse and a value of 0 means that the particle size does not vary .
therefore , the pdi values reported here indicate that the noncoupled liposomes were very monodisperse . however , the gold - coupled liposomes had a more heterogeneous formulation , some containing only one or two gold particles and some having many ( clusters ) .
both types of liposomes were imaged after fixation with 10% formalin to ensure the preservation of their original structure .
figure 2 shows a typical afm image of non - gold - coupled liposomes deposited on fresh cleaved mica and fixed with formalin .
afm analysis of these liposomes showed an average diameter of 121.5 27 nm .
this result was comparable to the diameter measurement obtained by dls ( 129 1.3 nm ) .
we choose 90 nm gold particles to facilitate visualization within the cell membrane taking into consideration that ~120 nm gold nanoparticles are normally used for thermal ablation .
figure 3 shows afm imaging of the geometric structure of a typical gold - liposome cluster ( 303 nm in size ) consisting of three distinctive particles with individual diameters of 95 , 86 , and 80 nm .
according to dls measurements , these gold - liposome complexes had an average size of 285 5.3 nm ( 3 different measurements with 13 runs each ) .
the arrangement and geometrical structure of the gold - liposome clusters changed , but the average size remained similar in different formulations ( n = 5 ) .
the surface topology and characteristics of biological membranes can routinely be described using biological afm instruments [ 23 , 24 ] .
nevertheless , the application of this technique has rarely been approached to resolve kinetics for liposome cell uptake . to investigate how endocytosis takes place within endothelial cells
, we used 90 nm gold particles to track fitc - labeled liposomes .
figure 4 shows sequential afm images illustrating how the gold - liposomes internalize the plasma membrane .
after 15 min of incubation ( figures 4(a ) and 4(b ) ) , some of the coupled liposomes were already attached to the cells .
they still quivered when probed with the afm tip during scanning ( seen as liposome drifting in figure 4(a ) ) .
nevertheless , the gold - liposomes were strongly bonded to the cell membrane at this time , given that the liposomes remained attached to the cell when probed . at 30 min , the liposome clusters started to enter the cells ( not shown ) .
actual endocytosis was seen in samples incubated for 60 min ( figures 4(c ) and 4(d ) ) .
figures 4(c ) and 4(d ) clearly show how the plasma membrane is enclosing the extracellular material and gradually engulfing it ( see also figure 5(a ) , at a smaller scan area ) .
the corresponding fluorescence images in figures 4(d ) and 5(b ) show strong positive signals of the two gold - liposome clusters ( indicated by arrows ) that were selected for afm scanning .
one of these clusters was about 3.2 m and the other was 3.8 m in diameter .
liposomes incubated with hcaecs for 120 min were almost completely internalized ( figure 4(e ) ) .
these studies demonstrated that using colloidal gold nanoparticles as an image - enhancement tool did not hinder endocytosis and that uptake of the liposomes took place in 120 min .
the time course of the endocytosis can be summarized as follows : liposome attachment to the plasma membrane ( 1530 min ) , internalization ( 3060 min ) , and liposome uptake completed ( 120 min ) .
these results agree with the findings reported by ramachandran et al . , who studied endocytosis of cisplatin - encapsulated liposomes .
in that study , the cisplatin produced liposomes significantly stiffer than nonencapsulated liposomes , which facilitated their detection by afm scanning .
on the other hand , our negative controls ( hcaec incubated with gold - liposomes for 60 and 120 min , which did not show signals detectable by fluorescence imaging ) had smooth and even membrane surfaces ( figures 5(c ) and 5(d ) ) .
signs of elevated or raised areas were not present during afm scanning , and the lack of fluorescence signaling indicated the absence of fitc - labeled gold - liposomes .
endocytosis is the process that cells use to take up nanovectors and other materials from the external environment , by encapsulating them in vesicles made from invaginations in the cell plasma membrane .
it was of particular interest to investigate if the internalization of the gold - coupled liposomes could be hindered by a typical inhibitor of endocytosis .
we used dynasore , a cell permeable , noncompetitive dynamin gtpase activity inhibitor , to block dynamin - dependent endocytosis of the liposomes ( figure 6 ) .
our experiments indicated that the gold - liposome clusters barely attached to the external walls of cells treated 15 min with 80 m dynasore and then incubated with the gold - liposomes for 60 min . in most of the cases ,
the gold - liposomes were easily removed from the cell membrane when probed with the afm cantilever . the force loading exercised by the afm probe , scanning to a velocity of 30 m / s , removed ~90% of the liposomes .
this indicated a poor binding efficiency with the plasma membrane and obstruction of the gold - liposome uptake after dynasore pretreatments .
ninety - nanometer colloidal gold particles are a useful noninvasive labeling agent for visualization by afm of liposome uptake by hcaecs .
we were able to visualize the movement of the gold - coupled liposomes through the cell membrane before absorption .
the time course of endocytosis was as follows : liposome attachment to the plasma membrane at 1530 min , internalization at 3060 min , and liposome uptake completed at 120 min .
gold - liposome clusters up to ~3 m in diameter can be efficiently taken up by endocytosis regardless of their geometric structure .
the gold - coupled liposomes behaved as expected when exposed to an endocytosis inhibitor ( dynasore ) to block their internalization process .
we successfully established a potential method to track biomolecules in complex systems using 90 nm colloidal gold nanoparticles as a noninvasive contrast agent to improve afm imaging . | pubmed |
the anderson localization in real space of a particle in a disordered medium @xcite is theoretically well understood @xcite and experimentally confirmed in various settings @xcite . in systems with many interacting particles , despite the consensus that many - body localization should still take place in the limit of strong disorder , the details of the metal - insulator transition are richer than in noninteracting systems .
the seeds for the analysis of many - body localization were sown in the 80 s @xcite and 90 s @xcite .
the general expectation was that interaction might hamper localization , but not completely prevent it .
the study of two interacting particles in a one - dimensional ( 1d ) disordered chain , for instance , showed that the localization length was larger than in a one - particle system @xcite .
a number of theoretical studies followed in the 2000 s @xcite , but the current decade has witnessed a burst of interest in the subject , with not only theoretical @xcite , but also experimental works @xcite . among the several questions that have been raised , the existence or not of an intermediate phase between the chaotic and the many - body localized phase @xcite is the one that mainly motivates the present work .
our numerical results for a finite 1d spin-1/2 system with nearest - neighbor interaction and onsite random magnetic fields suggest a positive answer .
as the strength of the disorder increases from zero , where the system is integrable , the following regions are covered , before localization is finally reached : ( i ) transition from the integrable to the chaotic domain , ( ii ) chaotic regime , and ( iii ) intermediate region between the chaotic limit and the many - body localized phase .
chaotic states prevail in the chaotic domain , while in the intermediate region before localization , the eigenstates are delocalized ( extended ) in the configuration space but nonchaotic ( nonergodic ) .
our definition of a chaotic state is as follows .
given an eigenstate @xmath0 , the inverse participation ratio @xmath1 measures how much delocalized the eigenstate is in the basis vectors @xmath2 , with @xmath3 being the dimension of the hamiltonian matrix . in studies of spatial localization ,
the focus is on the basis that represents the configuration space .
the eigenstate is chaotic if it samples most of the hilbert space without any preference , which gives @xmath4 .
the paradigmatic example of chaotic states are the eigenstates of full random matrices ( frm ) , which are ( pseudo-)random vectors . when these matrices are the real and symmetric ones from gaussian orthogonal ensembles ( goe ) @xcite , the components of their eigenstates are real random numbers from a gaussian distribution satisfying the normalization condition , so @xmath5 @xcite . in realistic finite systems with two - body interactions ,
it is away from the edges of the spectrum that we expect to find very delocalized eigenstates with @xmath4 , but even there minor correlations may persist
. a delocalized but nonchaotic eigenstate has @xmath6 with @xmath7 . for a localized eigenstate , @xmath8 .
we therefore have , @xmath9 regions ( i ) , ( ii ) and ( iii ) are distinguished through the analysis of static and dynamical properties .
we do not aim at locating exactly the point that separates one region from the other , but discuss the best quantities to identify and characterize each one .
our focus is on regions ( ii ) and ( iii ) .
our study of the statistic properties involves level statistics , structure of the eigenstates and statistics of the initial states .
they are used for comparisons with our results for the dynamics .
the latter is the actual center of our attention .
we analyze the spectrum using nearest - neighbor level spacing distributions and level number variance .
the structures of the eigenstates are investigated with the inverse participation ratio , the shannon information entropy , and the von neumann entanglement entropy .
the distribution of the components of the initial state written in the energy eigenbasis are contrasted with the porter - thomas distribution @xcite . in regions ( i ) and ( iii ) , the level statistics is intermediate @xcite between that of uncorrelated and repelling eigenvalues .
the results indicate that region ( i ) may disappear in the thermodynamic limit . in region ( iii ) , the eigenstates are nonchaotic but delocalized , and there is no agreement with the porter - thomas distribution . for the dynamics
, we investigate the time evolution of both entropies and of the survival probability .
the latter is defined as @xmath10 where @xmath11 is the initial state , @xmath12 is the hamiltonian describing the system , and @xmath13 .
the decay of the survival probability at long times is necessarily powerlaw , @xmath14 , even in the chaotic regime @xcite .
the value of the powerlaw exponent @xmath15 is very sensitive to the properties of both the initial state and the hamiltonian . in region ( ii ) , where there is level repulsion and the eigenstates are chaotic , @xmath16 . in region ( iii ) ,
@xmath17 and it coincides with @xmath18 from eq .
( [ eq : delocchaos])@xcite .
the presence of level repulsion is manifested also in the so - called correlation hole @xcite .
this corresponds to a time interval where @xmath19 drops below its infinite time average .
it happens before saturation takes place and is very evident in region ( ii ) . in region
( iii ) , the correlation hole becomes less deep and fades away at the approach of the localized phase .
the dynamical behavior of both entropies is very similar . in the chaotic region , they grow linearly in time and quickly saturate , while in region ( iii ) , the linear increase is followed by a logarithmic behavior , before saturation . since the results for both entropies are comparable , either one can be used in the analysis .
the advantage of the shannon entropy is to be computationally less expensive than the entanglement entropy , because contrary to the latter , it does not require performing a partial trace over degrees of freedom . the main characteristics of regions ( i ) , ( ii ) , and ( iii ) are summarized in fig .
[ fig : sketch ] . the main features of the regions ( i ) , ( ii ) , and ( iii ) traversed by the finite 1d spin-1/2 model ( [ ham ] ) as the strength @xmath20 of the onsite disorder increases from zero.,width=328 ]
the 1d disordered spin-1/2 system that we consider has two - body nearest - neighbor couplings , @xmath21 sites , and periodic boundary conditions .
the hamiltonian is given by @xmath22 , \label{ham}\ ] ] where @xmath23 are the spin operators of each site @xmath24 .
we set @xmath25 .
the disorder corresponds to random static magnetic fields of amplitude @xmath26 , where @xmath26 are random numbers from a uniform distribution @xmath27 $ ] .
the total spin in the @xmath28-direction , @xmath29 , is conserved .
we study the largest subspace , @xmath30 , which has dimension @xmath31 .
the observation of intermediate level statistics in the vicinity of the metal - insulator transition dates back to @xcite . in the particular case of many - body quantum systems
described by 1d disordered spin-1/2 models , level statistics was studied in @xcite .
more recent works include the detailed analysis developed in @xcite . here
, the brief discussion of spectral statistics is used for comparison with our results for delocalization measures and dynamics .
in addition to the frequently investigated nearest - neighbor level spacing distribution , we consider also the level number variance .
level repulsion is a main signature of quantum chaos .
after unfolding the spectrum @xcite and separating the rescaled eigenvalues by symmetry sectors @xcite , level repulsion can be detected , for example , by computing the nearest - neighbor level spacing distribution @xmath32 , where @xmath33 is the spacing between two neighboring levels .
for frm from goe or any chaotic real and symmetric hamiltonian matrix , @xmath32 is the wigner - dyson distribution of shape @xmath34 . in systems where the levels are not prohibited from crossing and where the number of degeneracies are not excessive @xcite
, the typical distribution is poissonian , @xmath35 . to quantify the proximity to the wigner - dyson distribution
, we use the chaos indicator @xcite @xmath36 ds}{\int_0^{s_0 } [ p_p(s ) - p_{wd}(s ) ] ds},\ ] ] where @xmath37 is the first intersection point of @xmath38 and @xmath39 . for a poisson distribution , @xmath40 , and for the wigner - dyson , @xmath41 . in fig .
[ fig : statistics ] ( a ) , as @xmath20 increases from zero , the level spacing distribution for @xmath12 ( [ ham ] ) first transitions abruptly from poisson ( @xmath42 ) to wigner - dyson ( small @xmath43 ) in region ( i ) .
it is wigner - dyson in region ( ii ) , where @xmath43 plateaus to a small value .
it then transitions from wigner - dyson back to poisson in region ( iii ) .
the boundary of region ( iii ) after which localization emerges occurs approximately where the curves for different system size cross , seen in the figure for @xmath44 $ ] . beyond this point ,
the larger the system is the closer the distribution is to @xmath38 .
chaos indicator @xmath45 ( a ) and level number variance for @xmath46 ( b ) vs. the disorder strength @xmath20 .
system sizes @xmath47 ( circles ) , @xmath48 ( diamonds ) , and @xmath49 ( triangles ) . the averages are done over 1082 ( @xmath47 ) , 291 ( @xmath48 ) , and 77 ( @xmath49 ) disorder realizations.,width=313 ] the level spacing distribution provides information about the short - range fluctuations of the spectrum .
information about long - range correlations , which better captures how rigid the spectrum is , can be obtained with quantities such as the level number variance @xmath50 , where @xmath51 is the number of unfolded energy levels @xmath52 in the interval @xmath53 $ ] and @xmath54 denotes the average over different initial values of @xmath52 @xcite . for frm from goe , @xmath55 , where @xmath56 is the euler s constant .
uncorrelated levels lead to @xmath57 . in fig .
[ fig : statistics ] ( b ) , we show how @xmath58 varies with the disorder strength .
we choose @xmath46 because it is smaller than @xmath21 , but not too small .
the results are very similar to those in fig .
[ fig : statistics ] ( a ) . to draw attention to region ( i )
, we show @xmath20 in a logarithmic scale . in this region , the disorder strength for which @xmath43 and @xmath59 reach the smallest values decreases as the system size @xmath21 increases .
this suggests that in the thermodynamic limit , region ( i ) may disappear and an infinitesimally small @xmath20 should take the system into the chaotic domain @xcite .
the chaotic region ( ii ) stretches with @xmath21 not only in the direction of smaller @xmath20 s , but also for larger disorder strengths
. whether region ( iii ) will also disappear or persist in the thermodynamic limit , possibly as a critical point , is an open question .
we stress that the values of @xmath43 and especially of @xmath60 are very sensitive to the unfolding procedure used @xcite .
the results suffer also from finite size effects and , in the case of @xmath61 , from additional symmetries .
hence , the purpose of our illustrations is to support the existence of different regions associated with different values of @xmath20 , but not to exactly delineate their boundaries .
the eigenstates provide much information about the system .
one way to study their structures is with the moments @xmath62 .
one finds , for example , that at the anderson transition critical point , the scaling analysis of @xmath63 with the dimension @xmath3 , @xmath64 , leads to a nonlinear dependence of the fractal dimension @xmath65 on @xmath66 .
this indicates that the eigenstates become multifractal @xcite . here , we focus on @xmath67 and drop the subscript @xmath68 .
this corresponds to the inverse participation ratio defined in eq .
( [ eq : pr ] ) .
fractal dimensions can also be obtained from @xmath69 , where @xmath70 is the rnyi entropy @xcite .
when @xmath71 , the rnyi entropy coincides with the shannon information entropy , @xmath72 like the inverse participation ratio , @xmath73 is extensively used to measure the level of delocalization of quantum states @xcite . in this work ,
we compute @xmath18 from @xmath74 an @xmath75 from @xmath73 .
figure [ fig : shannon ] ( a ) shows the ratio @xmath76 , where @xmath77 denotes the average value of @xmath78 and @xmath79 .
we average @xmath78 over 10% of the eigenstates in the middle of the spectrum , where they are more delocalized , and over several disorder realizations , so that the total amount of data is @xmath80 .
@xmath76 ( a ) and @xmath18 ( b ) , shannon entropy ( c ) and @xmath75 ( d ) , von neumann entanglement entropy ( e ) and @xmath81 ( f ) vs. the disorder strength @xmath20 .
system sizes @xmath82 ( plus ) , @xmath83 ( square ) , @xmath47 ( circle ) , @xmath48 ( diamonds ) , and @xmath49 ( triangles ) .
the averages are done over @xmath84 data.,width=321 ] the value of @xmath78 depends , of course , on the basis selected . to study localization in real space ,
the natural choice is the configuration basis .
it corresponds to states where on each site the spin either points up or down in the @xmath28 direction , as for example @xmath85 .
we refer to these states as site - basis vectors ; in quantum information they are called computational basis vectors .
the behavior of @xmath76 is nonmonotonic with @xmath20 @xcite .
the highest level of delocalization occurs in the chaotic region ( ii ) .
notice also that @xmath86 for all @xmath20 s , as expected for sparse banded hamiltonian matrices @xcite .
the curves of the ratio @xmath76 for different @xmath21 s cross at a value of @xmath87 $ ] .
the fact that after this point the ratio decreases with @xmath21 implies that @xmath88 ( equivalently @xmath89 ) with @xmath7 .
the eigenstates are no longer chaotic , although they are still delocalized .
this is the beginning of region ( iii ) , while the crossing in fig .
[ fig : statistics ] ( a ) marks its end . the values of the fractal dimension @xmath18 as a function of the disorder strength are shown in fig .
[ fig : shannon ] ( b ) .
@xmath18 is the slope of the plot of @xmath90 vs @xmath91 .
it is obtained from a scaling analysis with @xmath92 .
the values decrease significantly in region ( iii ) , while in region ( i ) they are not far from 1 .
close to the integrable point , the eigenstates remain delocalized in configuration space , although for the system sizes considered @xmath93 . a question that has been debated due to its importance for the subject of thermalization
@xcite is whether for @xmath94 the eigenstates right in the middle of the spectrum are chaotic or not . in figs .
[ fig : shannon ] ( c ) and ( e ) , we compare the shannon entropy with the von neumann entanglement entropy , @xmath95 .
the latter is vastly employed in quantum information to quantify the amount of entanglement in a state @xcite .
it is obtained by dividing the system in subsystems a and b and tracing out the degrees of freedom of one of the two , that is , @xmath96 where @xmath97 and @xmath98 is the density matrix of the whole system .
the dimension of the hilbert space of the remaining chain of length @xmath99 is @xmath100 .
we consider @xmath101 .
the values of the entropies are maximum for the random vectors of full random matrices . in this case , @xmath102 @xcite . for the entanglement entropy
, it was shown that @xmath103 when @xmath104 and @xmath105 @xcite . in analogy with the shannon entropy ,
the alternative approximation @xmath106 was considered in @xcite for @xmath107 and it is used here . figures [ fig : shannon ] ( c ) and ( e ) display , respectively , the ratios @xmath108 and @xmath109 as a function of the disorder strength for different system sizes .
the results for both entropies are very similar and the curves intersect approximately at the same point .
this crossing point has been used to detect the transition to localization @xcite .
it occurs at a value of @xmath20 similar to the one in fig .
[ fig : statistics ] ( a ) . since the two entropies provide equivalent information about the system , either one can be used .
the computational advantage of the shannon entropy is that it does not involve the trace operation .
figures [ fig : shannon ] ( d ) and ( f ) give @xmath75 and @xmath81 as a function of the disorder strength .
they are , respectively , the slopes of the plots of @xmath110 vs @xmath91 and @xmath111 vs @xmath112 . the scaling analysis is done with @xmath92 .
the behaviors of @xmath75 and @xmath81 are comparable .
they become smaller than 1 for @xmath20 close to the point where @xmath18 is also @xmath113 , that is at the beginning of region ( iii ) .
we notice that in region ( iii ) , the plots for @xmath110 vs @xmath91 and @xmath111 vs @xmath112 are still linear , yielding the volume - law scaling of the entropies with system size , but since the slopes are smaller than 1 , the eigenstates are no longer chaotic .
it is in this region that we expect to find the `` two - component '' structure of the entanglement spectrum described in @xcite .
to study the dynamics , we consider as initial state a site - basis vector , @xmath114 .
our analysis is performed for the 10% site - basis vectors @xmath115 that have energy @xmath116 closest to the middle of the spectrum .
the averages are done over these states and over several disorder realizations .
the total amount of data for each @xmath20 is approximately @xmath80 .
we investigate the behavior of the survival probability given by eq .
( [ eq : sp ] ) .
it can also be written as @xmath117 where @xmath118 is the energy distribution of @xmath11 weighted by the components @xmath119 .
this distribution is referred to as the local density of states ( ldos ) .
the survival probability is the absolute square of the fourier transform of the ldos .
the perturbation that takes the system out of equilibrium is very strong .
the hamiltonian initially has very large zeeman splittings , @xmath120 , so that @xmath121 , and they are abruptly reduced to random and finite values . since the strength of the perturbation is strong , the envelope of the ldos is gaussian .
this mirrors the shape of the density of states of systems with two - body interactions ( see refs .
@xcite and references therein for more details ) .
the ldos may , however , be very sparse .
this is what happens in region ( iii ) , where the disorder is strong @xcite and the energy eigenbasis are no longer chaotic . at very short times , the decay of the survival probability is quadratic , @xmath122 .
subsequently , for intermediate times , the behavior depends on the shape of the ldos .
the decay remains gaussian when the envelope of the ldos is also gaussian or it switches into an exponential decay when @xmath123 is lorentzian @xcite . for long times , however , it is the filling of the energy distribution of the initial state that determines the behavior of @xmath124 @xcite .
independently of how fast the initial evolution may be , the long - time decay necessarily slows down and becomes powerlaw @xcite , @xmath125 .
the long - time evolution is the focus of secs .
[ sec : strong ] and [ sec : weak ] .
we also study the evolution of the entanglement entropy and how the shannon entropy spreads in time over the other site - basis vectors , that is , @xmath126 where @xmath127 is the probability for the initial state to be found in state @xmath2 at time @xmath128 . for both entropies ,
the evolution at very short times is @xmath129 @xcite .
our interest is in what happens afterwards .
we start by analyzing how the structure of the initial state written in the energy eigenbasis depends on @xmath20 .
the inverse of the participation ratio of the initial state , @xmath130 , coincides with the survival probability after its saturation , that is after it reaches its infinite time average , @xmath131 the results for @xmath130 are shown in fig .
[ fig : prini ] ( a ) .
the scaling analysis gives @xmath132 , depicted in fig .
[ fig : prini ] ( b ) .
there is great similarity between figs .
[ fig : prini ] ( a ) , ( b ) and figs .
[ fig : shannon ] ( a ) , ( b ) .
in fact , @xmath133 .
@xmath134 ( a ) , @xmath132 ( filled circles ) and @xmath135 ( open squares ) ( b ) vs. the disorder strength @xmath20 . porter - thomas distribution for @xmath136 ( c ) and @xmath137 ( d ) . in ( b ) , the fitting parameter @xmath135 from eq .
( [ eq : b ] ) is obtained for @xmath48 . in ( a ) : system sizes @xmath82 ( plus ) , @xmath83 ( square ) , @xmath47 ( circle ) , @xmath48 ( diamonds ) , and @xmath49 ( triangles ) ; they are all used to calculate @xmath132 .
the averages are done over @xmath80 data of disorder realizations and initial states . in ( c ) and ( d ) : one initial state and one disorder realization , @xmath49.,width=321 ] initial states for which @xmath138 are chaotic and therefore expected to thermalize .
thermalization requires chaotic states @xcite , that is the uniform and unbiased sampling of the hilbert space . in a chaotic initial state , @xmath139 are approximately zero - centered gaussian random variables . for a large system , the weights @xmath140 follow the porter - thomas distribution @xcite , @xmath141 notice that the weights appear also in the denominator of the first term
the porter - thomas distribution is a result from random matrix theory .
it is an additional tool to determine whether the ( initial ) states are ergodic or not .
as the states localize , the components fluctuate more and deviate from the porter - thomas .
disagreement with this distribution occurs whenever @xmath142 . in figs .
[ fig : prini ] ( c ) and ( d ) , we show the distribution of the weights for two different disorder strengths .
the logarithmic of @xmath143 is used to better visualize the distribution of the small components , which appear in large amounts . for @xmath136 ,
the system is in the chaotic regime ( @xmath144 ) and consequently the distribution of the components follows very well the porter - thomas distribution .
as the disorder strength increases and the system approaches the localized phase , the distribution of the components broadens . in fig .
[ fig : prini ] ( d ) we depict the case of @xmath137 , where @xmath145 ; the deviation from the porter - thomas distribution is evident . as mentioned above
, the long - time decay of the survival probability becomes powerlaw , @xmath125 .
there are different causes for this algebraic behavior . in region
( iii ) , where the ldos is sparse , @xmath146 and the eigenstates are correlated . in this case , the powerlaw exponent @xmath15 reflects the level of correlations of the eigenstates and of the components @xmath119 .
we have that @xmath147 @xcite .
this is similar to what one finds at the metal - insulator transition of noninteracting models @xcite .
some illustrations of the behavior of survival probability in region ( iii ) are provided in figs .
[ fig : sp ] ( a ) , ( b ) , and ( c ) ( more examples can be found in ref .
the initial decay of @xmath148 is gaussian up to @xmath149 and then it slows down . for the disorder strengths of the three panels , @xmath7
one sees that for @xmath150 , the numerical results for @xmath148 ( solid lines ) agree very well the powerlaw decay @xmath151 ( dashed lines ) . for both entropies , after the quadratic behavior for very short times @xcite , the evolution becomes linear in @xmath128 approximately up to where the decay of @xmath152 is still gaussian .
the linear increase of the shannon entropy was studied in @xcite , where semi - analytical expressions were also provided . in region ( iii ) , the linear increase is followed by a logarithmic behavior in time .
this occurs for the entanglement entropy [ see figs .
[ fig : sp ] ( g ) , ( h ) , ( i ) ] , as has been discussed before @xcite , but also for the shannon entropy , as seen in figs . [
fig : sp ] ( d ) , ( e ) , ( f ) .
the analogous behavior reinforces the equivalence between both entropies . by fitting the logarithmic curves with @xmath153 we find good agreement between @xmath154 and @xmath132
this is shown in fig .
[ fig : prini ] ( b ) for @xmath48 .
we expect improvement for larger system sizes . similarly to the powerlaw decay of @xmath152 with @xmath17 , the onset of the logarithmic behavior
is also associated with the emergence of correlated eigenstates .
all the results for region ( ii ) indicate chaos .
the level spacing distribution has the wigner - dyson shape , @xmath155 and @xmath156 are @xmath157 , and the distribution of the components of the initial state agrees very well with the porter - thomas distribution .
the quantities that measure the level of chaoticity saturate : @xmath43 reaches its smallest values and @xmath158 . yet , the powerlaw exponent @xmath15 still varies with @xmath20 . throughout region ( ii ) ,
@xmath159 , so it no longer coincides with @xmath160 .
as @xmath20 decreases below 1 , @xmath15 increases monotonically above 1 up to its maximum value @xmath161 @xcite .
the value @xmath161 is a consequence of the khalfin effect , which refers to the onset of powerlaw decays for @xmath124 caused by the unavoidable presence of energy bounds in the spectrum @xcite .
the phenomenon is well understood in the case of continuous models @xcite .
we have extended these studies to finite many - body quantum systems , where the spectrum is discrete @xcite . in this case , when the initial state is chaotic and the ldos is very well filled , the same sort of analysis used for continuous @xmath162 remains valid .
the fourier transform of a gaussian ldos that takes into account the bounds in the spectrum leads asymptotically to @xmath163 .
this is the behavior shown in fig .
[ fig : gamma2 ] ( a ) .
this figure is obtained for @xmath164 , where @xmath134 approaches the largest value for @xmath49 .
as @xmath20 increases above @xmath165 , @xmath15 decreases and approaches 1 .
this progressive reduction of @xmath15 is seen in figs .
[ fig : gamma2 ] ( b ) , ( c ) , and ( d ) .
when @xmath161 , the initial state is certain to thermalize , since it indicates the ergodic filling of the ldos and the consequent unbiased sampling of the energy eigenbasis .
we may expect the same to happen for @xmath166 , but a better understanding of the causes for theses intermediate values is still missing @xcite .
one sees that by varying the strength of the disorder in @xmath12 ( [ ham ] ) , all values of @xmath15 that are reachable by realistic models with two - body interactions , that is @xmath167 , can be covered .
these same values can be achieved also with banded random matrices @xcite .
examples of these matrices include the powerlaw banded random matrices that have been widely used in studies of the anderson metal - insulator transition @xcite and the wigner banded random matrices @xcite .
the variances of their random numbers are large within a bandwidth @xmath168 around the diagonal elements and very small or zero outside .
as @xmath168 increases from one , all values of @xmath15 from 0 to 2 are found .
in addition , with a very broad @xmath168 we can go beyond these realistic values of @xmath15 .
the maximum powerlaw exponent @xmath169 is reached in the limit of full random matrices when @xmath170 @xcite .
banded random matrices provide a general picture of the available powerlaw exponents for the quench dynamics of isolated many - body quantum systems without the restriction of a particular model .
this emphasizes that the results presented here are general and not specific to the spin-1/2 model considered .
in contrast to the survival probability , the entropy growth in time does not provide any clear signature of the khalfin effect for the system sizes examined here .
after the linear increase , the shannon entropy and the entanglement entropy simply saturate , as shown for the shannon entropy in figs . [
fig : gamma2 ] ( e ) and ( f ) .
the survival probability is more sensitive to changes in the spectrum and in the structures of the eigenstates than the entropies . the results above show that details about the hamiltonian and the initial state can be extracted from the dynamics .
this is very useful for experiments that routinely study dynamics .
the evolution of the survival probability , in particular , offers direct information about level statistics .
the presence of level repulsion can be inferred from the difference between the minimum value of the survival probability , @xmath171 , and its infinite time average , @xmath172 .
this difference is known as correlation hole @xcite .
it does not exist in systems with uncorrelated eigenvalues , while in frm the hole is very deep .
the notion of correlation hole was first introduced as a method to obtain information about level statistics from systems where one has only partial access to the spectrum @xcite . in figs .
[ fig : ch ] ( a ) , ( b ) and ( c ) , we show @xmath152 for long times , up to saturation . the disorder strength increases from ( a ) to ( c ) .
the dot - dashed line at the bottom of each panel indicates @xmath173 and the dashed line marks the infinite time average @xmath174 . in fig .
[ fig : ch ] ( a ) , where the system is still chaotic ( @xmath175 ) , the correlation hole is deep . as @xmath20 increases , the hole fades away and practically disappears in fig .
[ fig : ch ] ( c ) , where @xmath176 . to measure the depth of the correlation hole , we compute @xmath177 for frm of goe , @xmath178 and @xmath179 @xcite , which leads to @xmath180
. average survival probability for long times up to saturation ( a , b , c ) and the depth @xmath181 of the correlation hole _ vs. _ disorder strength ( d ) . in ( a , b , c ) the results are for @xmath49 and @xmath182 , respectively .
dashed lines are @xmath183 and dot - dashed lines correspond to @xmath184 . in ( d ) : @xmath49 ( triangles ) , @xmath48 ( squares ) and @xmath47 ( circles ) . dashed line in ( d ) corresponds to @xmath185.,width=317 ] in fig .
[ fig : ch ] ( d ) , we show the dependence of @xmath181 on the disorder strength .
it peaks in the chaotic region , where it approaches @xmath186 .
it decreases in both directions , that of small @xmath20 , where the system gets closer to integrability , and that of large @xmath20 , where the system approaches localization .
from the analysis of static and dynamical properties of a finite one - dimensional spin-1/2 system with onsite random disorder , we identified three regions between the integrable domain , where the disorder strength @xmath20 is zero , and the many - body localized phase .
they are : ( i ) the transition region between the integrable and the chaotic domain , ( ii ) the chaotic region , and ( iii ) the intermediate region between chaos and localization .
we argued that the eigenstates in region ( iii ) are delocalized ( extended ) but nonchaotic ( nonergodic ) .
special attention was given to the dynamics , which makes a strong connection with experiments that routinely study dynamics .
information about the spectrum , eigenstates , and initial state can be obtained from the evolution of different quantities .
the survival probability , in particular , reveals details that the shannon information entropy and the von neumann entanglement entropy can not capture .
these include the correlation hole , which is a way to directly detect level repulsion from dynamics , and the khalfin effect caused by the unavoidable energy bounds of the spectrum .
we also showed that the results for both entropies are comparable , thus either one can be used for the studies of many - body localization .
the calculation of the shannon entropy is more straightforward , because it does not involve any partial trace .
the main characteristics of regions ( i ) , ( ii ) , and ( iii ) are summarized below .
@xmath187 region ( i ) has intermediate level statistics ( level spacing distribution between poisson and wigner - dyson ) .
this region may disappear in the thermodynamic limit .
@xmath187 region ( ii ) shows level repulsion .
the eigenstates away from the borders of the spectrum are chaotic , that is @xmath188 .
the components of the initial states satisfy the porter - thomas distribution and @xmath189 .
the powerlaw decay of the survival probability at long times has exponent @xmath190 , where @xmath161 indicates ergodic filling of the energy distribution of the initial state .
the correlation hole is deep and close to the limits established by random matrix theory .
the linear growth of the shannon entropy and of the von neumann entanglement entropy is followed by saturation .
this is the region where thermalization is expected .
@xmath187 region ( iii ) has intermediate level statistics .
the eigenstates and initial states are delocalized , but nonchaotic , that is @xmath88 , @xmath191 with @xmath192 . from the analysis of the entropies , we also find that @xmath193 .
fractal dimensions smaller than 1 indicate that the states are fractal and therefore nonergodic .
this lack of ergodicity is reflected into the dynamics .
the powerlaw exponent of the long - time decay of @xmath124 is small and agrees with the fractal dimension , @xmath194 .
the linear increase in time of the entropies is followed by a logarithmic growth before saturation .
both @xmath146 and the logarithmic behavior are caused by correlations in the eigenstates .
ejth acknowledges funding from conacyt , prodep - sep and proyectos viep - buap 2016 , mexico .
ejth is also grateful to lns - buap for allowing use of their supercomputing facility .
this work was supported by the nsf grant no . | arxiv |
Md Zakir Hossain is a Bangladesh Awami League politician and the incumbent State Minister of Primary and Mass Education and Jatiya Sangsad member representing the Kurigram-4 constituency.
Career
Hossain was elected to the parliament on 30 December 2018 from Kurigram-4 as a Bangladesh Awami League candidate. He was appointed the State Minister of Primary and Mass Education in the Fourth Sheikh Hasina Cabinet.
References
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Category:Place of birth missing living people | wikipedia |
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machine learning is then used to learn which reviewers accurately represent the views of the journal s readers and thus deserve to have their opinions carry more weight .
this paper concentrates on describing a specific experimental prototype of a democratic journal called the _ journal of new democratic methods _ ( ) . when a submitted article is reviewed for the , the past performance of reviewers is used to predict the probability that , should it be published , the article will be acceptable to a majority of the article s subsequent readers .
articles that are determined to have a probability of greater than a half of being acceptable are published . before formally defining what it means for an article to be acceptable , some definitions are required . in particular , suppose an article has @xmath0 reviewers , then the reviews consist of a vector of binary values @xmath1 such that @xmath2 if review @xmath3 choose to accept the article and @xmath4 otherwise . similarly , if an article has @xmath5 readers who express an opinion , then the opinions consist of a vector of binary values @xmath6 such that @xmath7 if reader @xmath8 thought the article was acceptable and @xmath9 otherwise .
a published article is said to be _ acceptable _ if a simple majority of the article s readers , who express an opinion , think it is acceptable , @xmath10 using the previous definitions , the task of deciding whether to accept an article is formally expressed as determining whether the conditional probability , given the reviews , that an article will be acceptable is greater than a half , @xmath11 to make the acceptance criterion stricter ( or more lax ) , values other than a half could be used .
of course , other information about an article , such as the subfield or author , is also potentially important and is covered later in section [ sec : future ] .
the administrative tasks associated with running an electronic journal have already been automated by the berkeley electronic press [ 1 ] .
the associated software supports the traditional peer review model and is not freely available as open source code .
there has also been previous work specifically on automatically rating reviewers for academic journals using collaborative filtering techniques , for example see [ 2 ] .
there is also a close connection with work that uses collaborative filtering techniques to suggest movies , books , music , etc .
[ 3 ] . typically ,
reviews are directly rated by their degree of `` helpfulness '' to the user .
in contrast , the readers of the only see the results of the reviewing process , never the individual reviews themselves .
in addition , the goal of collaborative filtering approaches is usually to find new examples that match a person s subjective tastes .
there are , however , applications where subjective taste is not appropriate . for example , articles that appear in a scientific journal are supposed to express more than the subjective taste of the editorial board and reviewers . in particular , they are meant to embody some notion of objective quality . if they do not , then the scientific theories they espouse will founder upon their first encounter with reality .
of course , within the wide selection of high - quality academic articles that are available , there is still an important place for an individual s personal preferences and interest .
the goal of the is not to help readers find articles that they are interested in , but to use reader s feedback to produce better quality publications . whether this really amounts to an important distinction is clearly open to question .
the argument is that the democratic nature of the reviewing process allows input from a wider group of people and is thus more likely ( on average and over time ) to produce better quality results .
the exists to see if this hypothesis is at least plausible . even if the turns out to be a failure , the reasons for failure may turn out to have interesting ramifications for other democratic processes .
another key difference between this paper and previous work is that it describes a working prototype , namely the .
trying to actually run a democratic journal should yield important insights into the associated challenges and possible solutions .
the process of submitting an article to the is straightforward and should be familiar to anyone who has electronically submitted an article to any other journal or conference .
the author creates an account at the web site ( www.democraticjournals.org ) and then submits her article .
currently , the article submission process leverages the existing e - print archive at arxiv.org .
that is , the author submits a link to her article that she previously uploaded to arxiv .
the reason for this is twofold : 1 . until the website can build up enough history to automatically detect articles that qualify as `` spam '' , the arxiv site provides some minimum barrier to entry .
2 . the current website has limited storage available to store large files .
once an article is submitted to the , relevant information about the submission is stored in a database .
after a fixed time period a decision is made , based on the received reviews , on whether to accept or reject a submission .
anyone can register at the web site and any registered user ( not just authors ) can retrieve a list of submissions that need to be reviewed .
some submissions will be closer to a decision being taken on whether to accept or reject and these appear at the top of the list .
if an article does not receive enough ( currently two ) reviews in time , then it is rejected without prejudice and can be resubmitted .
when a user selects an article to review they are asked to recommend acceptance or rejection . in future , perhaps when more data is available , additional levels of gradation could be added but for now a binary decision is simplest . in addition , there is currently no mechanism to provide feedback to authors on why their submission was rejected or accepted . in future ,
feedback from reviewers who were influential in the decision to accept or reject a submission should be made available to authors .
review results are also stored in a database and a reviewer can view their own previous reviews at any point . provided the journal has not made a final decision on whether to accept or reject an article , a reviewer is free to alter or delete their own past reviews .
figure [ fig : screen ] shows a screen shot from an example page of the .
if the becomes popular , additional security auditing will be required to ensure there is no way for unscrupulous users to obtain or alter restricted information contained in the journal s database .
any registered user can read and rate any published article to express whether or not they feel the decision to publish an article was acceptable . once again , the rating is ( for now ) a binary decision .
just like reviewers , readers can manage their past ratings and alter them if they change their minds or make a mistake .
currently , there is no special action taken when a reader who was also a reviewer for an article expresses an opinion that is inconsistent with their review , for example , if a reader states an article is unacceptable that they previously recommended to accept . in future
, inconsistencies should at least be flagged to the user to ensure they really did mean to change their mind .
as stated in the introduction , an article is published in the if the conditional probability that it will be considered acceptable by a majority of the readers is , given the reviews , above a half .
since each review is ( at least , supposed to be ) independent , and because it is one of the simplest thing to try first , naive bayes ( see [ 4 ] ) is currently used to calculate the probability that an article is acceptable .
note that , this paper therefore presents no new machine learning algorithms , just a novel application of known techniques .
but , for the sake of completeness , the derivation of the required formula follows using the standard application of bayes rule and the assumption of independent reviews : @xmath12 where the conditional probabilities @xmath13 and the prior @xmath14 are determined from historical data ( see the next section ) . as usual , the final probability is computed by also calculating @xmath15 and normalizing .
naive bayes was a reasonable choice to quickly bootstrap the into existence and is a good benchmark to beat , but there are , of course , many other machine learning techniques that could ( and probably should ) be used instead .
for example , decision trees [ 4 ] and support vector machines [ 5 ] are both good candidates .
you are strongly encouraged to submit an article to the containing your own opinions , objections , observations , improvements and alternatives .
ideas on algorithms and techniques to make the journal fairer and more resilient to exploitation are particularly encouraged .
as stated in the section [ sec : read ] , after an article is accepted and published in the , people who read the article can express their opinion about whether the article deserved to have been published .
whenever a new publication decision must be taken , the opinions of the readers of each article are tallied and , if the number of positive votes is greater than the negative votes , the article is labeled as acceptable .
the label of acceptable , or unacceptable , is used to create the training set from which the probabilities @xmath16 and @xmath17 are calculated using frequency counts .
the prior @xmath14 is just taken as the journal s overall current acceptance rate .
.simple example of historical data .
[ cols="^,^,^,^,^,^",options="header " , ] in case you do not have a statistics or machine learning background , table [ tab : data ] shows a simple pedagogical example containing some made - up historical data .
articles 1 through 3 are articles that have previously been accepted or rejected and the `` submission '' is the article that is currently being considered for publication .
the reviewers @xmath18 through @xmath19 are the reviewers who submitted ( for the current submission ) reviews @xmath20 through @xmath21 .
the last line shows the results of those reviews ( i.e. , @xmath22 ) , and the previous lines show the reviewer s decisions ( if any ) on previous publications . from the table you can see that @xmath23 , for example , is @xmath24 and @xmath25 is @xmath26 . in practice ,
a _ laplace estimator _ is used in place of the frequency counts .
otherwise , especially when there is not much data , one of the individual probabilities can easily collapse to @xmath27 which causes the whole multiplication in equation [ eqn : predict ] to collapse to @xmath27 .
for example , the frequency count gives @xmath28 whereas the laplace estimator gives a probability of @xmath29 . in future , lidstone s estimator may be used instead of the laplace estimator ( see [ 6 ] if you want to be reminded about the laplace and lidstone estimators ) .
currently , reviews are excluded from participating in the publication decision until the associated reviewer has recorded at least two previous reviews for published articles .
the articles must have been published because ( in the interests of author privacy and simplicity ) there is no label for unpublished articles as readers never get to judge if they were correctly rejected .
the _ precision _ of a reviewer is defined using the standard definition of precision , i.e. , @xmath30 where tp is the number of true positives ( articles that were correctly accepted by the reviewer ) and fp is the number of false positives ( articles that were incorrectly accepted ) .
more sophisticated measures , such as the so - called _ f measure _ [ 6 ] , can not be calculated because there is no information available about false negatives and true negatives .
the names of the reviewers with the highest precision ( based on past performance ) are published as the journal s list of lead reviewers .
lead reviewers have the satisfaction of knowing that they have obtained the distinction democratically .
anyone can become a reviewer and if you consistently act as a good representative of the journal s wider readership you can obtain the prestige of becoming a lead reviewer .
the open and democratic nature of the reviewing process should mean that the can quickly adapt to new kinds of submissions , or the changing abilities of reviewers . to improve the rate of adaptation
, it might become necessary to weight reviewer s recent reviews more heavily than past ones .
if so , then it would make sense to treat the whole problem of determining the weights assigned to reviews as an online learning problem and perhaps use techniques like those described in [ 7 ] .
eventually , the will make statistics available about which published articles were subsequently found acceptable by the readers .
this allows machine learning programs to compete to become reviewers . that is , the task of predicting whether a published article will be found acceptable is a standard supervised learning problem .
the training set consists of the published articles labeled by whether they were subsequently found acceptable or not .
machine learning algorithms that are trying to become reviewers have the difficult , but interesting , task of trying to analyze an article s content to predict if it should be accepted .
it will be fascinating to see how good an indicator a feature like an article s author or affiliation are in correctly determining whether it should be accepted . in an attempt for
even further automation , a machine learning algorithm called the _ privileged reviewer _ will also be introduced . just like the other reviewers
, the privileged reviewer tries to predict which articles will be popular among readers .
unlike the other reviewers ( including regular reviewers that are learning algorithms ) , the privileged reviewer is given access to privileged information about rejected submissions .
in the standard tradition of academic journals , information about rejected submissions is not made public .
presumably , provided suitable privacy precautions are taken , authors will not mind rejection information being made available to a machine learning algorithm . if the privileged reviewer can become one of the lead reviewers then the need for any human input in the review process is reduced .
the software for the privileged reviewer will also be made open source and people will be encouraged to submit their own privileged reviewer algorithms . within the confines of protecting author privacy , some kind of test harness will be made available for researchers to evaluate their designs for a privileged reviewer .
the editors of the are the sourceforge project administrators for the software that runs the journal s web site .
this software includes the code to learn which reviewers are most likely to give good reviews , and to decide , based on the reviews , whether an article should be published or not .
the software is expected to constantly change ( especially to start with ) in response to problems that arise .
for example , if a flaw is discovered in the software that could be exploited to make it easier to publish articles , then the editors would be responsible for fixing the flaw .
you will have noticed by now that , in the best traditions of computer science , the is wonderfully recursive .
it is a journal about the very techniques that it uses to determine which articles to publish .
therefore , for inspiration on how to fix flaws and generally enhance the journal , it is expected that the editors will turn to ideas published in the itself .
the idea that articles published in the journal feedback into the journal s software to act as a sort of built in defense mechanism against abuse and subversion is appealing ; it will be interesting to see how it plays out in practice .
note that , even if the editors themselves become corrupt , self - serving or simply disliked , then ( because all the journal s software is open source and freely available ) there is nothing to stop a new group of people using the journal s software to establish their own journal with new editors who are more to their liking
. the open source nature of the code behind the is therefore an important component ( along with the machine learning ) in making it more democratic .
there is currently no restriction on an author reviewing their own articles . of course , if they consistently give high reviews to their own work which later turns out to be unpopular , then they will soon loose their influence over the review process
. another alternative would be to create two pseudo - reviewers for each reviewer , one for reviewing their own work and another for reviewing the work of others . that way an unscrupulous , but otherwise competent reviewer could quickly loose all credibility for reviewing their own work , but keep their good standing for reviewing the work of others . in theory
, the appropriate use of pseudo - reviewers could automatically weed out other forms of bias , but it maybe easier to simply make authors anonymous .
pseudo - reviewers could perhaps be more useful for different subfields within the journal .
that is , a reviewer could become a lead reviewer in their area of expertise but still feel free to try their hand at reviews in less familiar areas without penalizing their existing standing .
readership opinion is only one possible source of information about the quality of articles published in the .
other possibilities include citations in other journals and publication or related articles in other journals .
for example , publication in a prestigious journal of a rejected article could be used to label an article as incorrectly rejected .
there is also the possibility of establishing a journal entirely based upon benchmarks and challenge problems .
that is , articles are only published if authors submit programs that perform well on some objective and freely available set of tests .
this idea is already used informally by funding agencies and academic conferences who hold competitions to rate different research projects .
one of the biggest challenge to the success of the is obtaining participation from qualified people .
this is a classic `` chicken and egg '' problem and hopefully the paper you are now reading will help to interest people .
the more widely it can read the better . even if people begin signing up to the and submitting articles it will still be a challenge to encourage people to review and rate articles .
it may be necessary to institute incentives to encourage people to actively participate .
for example , users should probably not be allowed to read another submission until they have submitted their review for the last one .
similarly readers could be rationed to only being able to read a fixed number of articles without submitting any ratings .
the danger is that a small number of enthusiasts end up doing all the reviewing with little or no feedback from the larger readership .
as the title suggests , the is not confined to articles about academic journals .
an academic journal is just one example of an institution where objective quality is important and a small group of people try to anticipate and guide the interests of a much larger group .
another interesting example is the whole notion of representative government and democracy .
finding a small group of individuals who can faithfully act as representatives for the people as a whole , and be successful at running the country , is what representative government is all about .
the use of machine learning techniques as described in this paper , and ( hopefully ) to be described in forthcoming articles in the , could therefore have a profound effect on society at large .
thanks to ian wright for many useful and inspiring discussions on the topic of new democratic methods . the web site for the
is implemented in php [ 8 ] using many open source tools , notably the resources of sourceforge [ 9 ] ( including a mysql database [ 10 ] ) , and the tiki cms / groupware ( aka tikiwiki ) open source content management system [ 11 ] . without all of these tools developing the web site in such a short space of time would not have been possible . | arxiv |
The Kakhaberidze, archaically Kakhaberisdze pl. -ebi , literally the sons of Kakhaber was a noble family in medieval Georgia which held sway over the highland northwestern Georgian province of Racha from the 11th or 12th century to the 13th. The Kakhaberidze were a branch of the Liparitid-Baguashi, their dynastic name being derived from its early member Kakhaber known from a few inscriptions from Racha.
By 1184, when Queen Tamar of Georgia ascended the throne, the Kakhaberidze had been in possession of both Racha and the neighboring district of Takveri, bearing the title of Duke of Dukes eristavt-eristavi. Kakhaber II Kakhaberidze was the one who, together with Archbishop Anton of Kutaisi, placed the crown upon Tamar's brow at a ceremony held at the Gelati Monastery. His descendant and probably a grandson, Kakhaber III, was powerful enough to defy the royal authority and play King David VI and his Mongol overlords against one another. By c. 1278, Kakhaber had been defeated, blinded and exiled at the king's order. His possessions were turned over to the crown. The Kakhaberidze seem to have retained themselves in Racha into the early 15th century, but then went in obscurity. Their descendants, the house of Chichua ჩიჩუა became a prominent family in the western Georgian region of Mingrelia while the house of Chijavadze ჩიჯავაძე another branch of Kakhaberidze, continued to play an important role in the western Georgian kingdom of Imereti and both noble houses were confirmed as the princes knyaz under the Russian rule in the 19th century.
See also
House of Chichua
House of Chijavadze
References
Category:Noble families of Georgia country
Category:Georgian-language surnames | wikipedia |
the very possibility of scientific investigation requires a universe satisfying a simple but fundamental symmetry : what we humans choose to call things can not affect what is going on .
the laws of nature must not , in particular , depend on our designation , at any particular moment , of a `` system of interest '' to investigate .
whatever these laws are , they must be invariant under our various divisions of the world into `` systems '' and their `` surrounding environments '' ; without such invariance , there would be no sense in which nature could be said to have laws . moreover , objectivity , even in its most minimal sense of intersubjectivity among human observers , requires that the laws of nature be invariant under changes in who is making the observations . if every observer inferred different laws from their observations , science would be impossible .
let us call this fundamental symmetry `` decompositional equivalence '' and define it as follows : any system satisfies decompositional equivalence if and only if the laws governing its behavior are invariant under arbitrary decompositions of the system into subsystems .
to say that the physical universe @xmath0 satisfies decompositional equivalence is then to say that the laws of physics , or alternatively , physical interactions , are invariant under arbitrary decompositions of @xmath0 into subsystems .
it is , in particular , to say that the laws of physics are invariant under arbitrary decompositions of @xmath0 into a system of interest @xmath1 , an observer @xmath2 and a surrounding environment @xmath3 , where @xmath3 is taken to include everything in @xmath0 not included in either @xmath1 or @xmath2 .
decompositional equivalence can be viewed as a form of scale invariance . if the laws of physics are invariant under arbitrary decompositions of @xmath0 into @xmath1 , @xmath2 and @xmath3 , then they are invariant under changes in the scales at which @xmath1 , @xmath2 and @xmath3 are defined .
decompositional equivalence can , therefore , be rendered as the claim that there is no preferred scale of observation and hence no preferred class of observers .
if @xmath0 satisfies decompositional equivalence , the laws of physics in @xmath0 are independent of what _ any _ observer might choose to designate as the `` system of interest . '' it is shown here that the physical universe @xmath0 satisfying decompositional equivalence is , when combined with landauer s principle that `` information is physical '' and hence has a finite free - energy cost of encoding @xcite , sufficient to generate quantum theory .
it is , in particular , sufficient to generate standard , unitary quantum theory .
quantum theory is , therefore , the correct physical theory of a universe that satisfies both landauer s principle and decompositional equivalence .
if quantum theory is false , then either landauer s principle is false and information needs not be physically encoded , or else decompositional equivalence is false and a scale - independent or observer - independent science is impossible .
demonstrating this claim is surprisingly straightforward .
the first step is to recognize that if @xmath2 can be chosen arbitrarily , @xmath2 can not be assumed to encode any particular information about @xmath1 prior to making observations .
therefore the only information about @xmath1 that @xmath2 can be regarded as encoding is information obtained by observation .
as information is physical , obtaining information by observation requires physical interaction .
hence @xmath2 can obtain information about @xmath1 only through physical interaction .
the second step is to note that the subsystem of @xmath0 with which @xmath2 interacts , which will be referred to as @xmath4 for @xmath2 s `` box , '' comprises both @xmath1 and @xmath3 . because @xmath0 satisfies decompositional equivalence , @xmath2 s physical interaction with @xmath4 , described formally by a hamiltonian operator @xmath5 , must be invariant under arbitrary alternative partitionings of @xmath4 .
this invariance of @xmath5 under arbitrary alternative partitionings of @xmath4 renders @xmath4 a _ black box _ as defined by classical cybernetics @xcite , a system with observable external behavior but an unobservable and hence unknowable interior .
the third step is to show that if landauer s principle is assumed , the acquisition of information from a black box is described by unitary quantum theory .
the three sections that follow make this demonstration precise .
its consequences for the physical interpretation of quantum superposition are then discussed , using the canonical double - slit experiment as an example .
the paper concludes by raising the obvious question : if decompositions can be made arbitrarily , what explains the ability of human - or any - observers to agree about what they are observing ? in a universe satisfying decompositional equivalence , this becomes a question for fundamental physics . before proceeding ,
however , it is worth noting that decompositional equivalence is in fact built into the formalisms of both classical and quantum physics .
both theories employ abstract vector spaces to represent physical states , the real configuration space in classical physics and the complex hilbert space in quantum physics .
both spaces can be arbitrarily decomposed into subspaces using vector - space product operators , the cartesian product @xmath6 in classical physics and the tensor product @xmath7 in quantum physics .
these operators are both associative : for any decomposition of @xmath0 into @xmath1 , @xmath3 and @xmath2 , the configuration space @xmath8 in classical physics , and the hilbert space @xmath9 in quantum physics .
classical physics , however , violates landauer s principle by assuming the possibility of arbitrarily - precise measurements , and standard approximations and idealizations commonly employed within both theories violate decompositional equivalence either by assuming that physical laws change abruptly at system boundaries or by treating some system boundaries as objectively `` preferred '' over others .
alternatives to standard , unitary quantum theory that introduce a physical `` collapse '' process ( e.g. @xcite ) , in particular , violate decompositional equivalence at all scales at which the collapse process is permitted to occur . as will be shown , it is the ubiquitous presence of such ancillary , decompositional - equivalence - violating assumptions that renders even standard unitary quantum theory paradoxical .
when decompositional equivalence is explicitly respected , nothing collapses , nothing decoheres and there are no `` multiple worlds '' ; in this case , the distinction between `` quantum '' and `` classical '' becomes a semantic distinction between physical dynamics , which must be represented using quantum theory , and observational outcomes , which are _ descriptions of _ physical dynamics encoded by finite strings of classical bits .
the paradoxes associated with `` collapse '' are replaced , in the present analysis , by deep empirical questions about the structure and functioning of observers , human or otherwise .
in a universe satisfying decompositional equivalence , how subsystems are defined or designated can make no difference to the laws of physics . how subsystems are defined or designated
can , therefore , make no difference to the dynamics executed by the universe ; hence the universal hamiltonian @xmath10 representing those dynamics must be invariant under arbitrary changes in the definition or designation of subsystems .
this invariance is , once again , built into the formalism of both classical and quantum physics ; in both theories , the hamiltonian @xmath11 for any arbitrary choice of @xmath1 , @xmath3 and @xmath2 , where @xmath12 , @xmath13 and @xmath14 are the self - interactions of @xmath1 , @xmath3 and @xmath2 respectively and the higher - order terms are between - system interactions .
the associativity of addition then guarantees decompositional equivalence .
if @xmath1 , @xmath3 and @xmath2 can be defined or designated arbitrarily , the labels ` @xmath1 , ' ` @xmath3 ' and ` @xmath2 ' clearly can have no special meaning .
any subsystem whatsoever can be designated as the system of interest ; similarly , any system whatsoever can be considered to be an `` environment '' or an `` observer . ''
any restriction on the kinds of subsystems labelled with these terms , e.g. any restriction on the hamiltonians @xmath13 or @xmath14 beyond the requirement that @xmath11 , violates decompositional equivalence . while trivial from a formal perspective , the arbitrariness with which @xmath1 , @xmath3 and @xmath2 can be chosen has important consequences for how the theory is interpreted and used .
the first and most important of these is that observers can not be assumed to have any special characteristics or to be in any particular special state at the initiation of observations .
observers can not , in particular , be assumed to have any prior knowledge of the system being observed .
if observation is characterized in bayesian terms , the probability distribution over the states of the observed system prior to any observations being conducted must be assumed to be uniform .
the assumption that observers have no prior knowledge of the system being observed is often stated in discussions of both classical and quantum physics .
schlosshauer , for example , includes the idea that observers can be `` initially completely ignorant '' when describing classical observations : _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ `` here ( i.e. in classical physics ) we can enlarge our ` catalog ' of physical properties of the system ( and therefore specify its state more completely ) by performing an arbitrary number of measurements of identical physical quantities , in any given order
. moreover , many independent observers may carry out such measurements ( and agree on the results ) without running into any risk of disturbing the state of the system , even though they may have been initially completely ignorant of this state . ''
( @xcite p. 16 ) _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ollivier , poulin and
zurek employ similar language to operationally define _ objectivity _ in a quantum - theoretic context : _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ a property of a physical system is _ objective _ when it is : = 2em \1 . simultaneously accessible to many observers , \2 . who are able to find out what it is without prior knowledge about the system of interest , and \3 . who can arrive at a consensus about it without prior agreement .
@xcite p. 1 ; @xcite p. 3
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ both of these statements , however , leave unmentioned and unaddressed a fundamental question : how do the many independent observers _ identify _ the system being jointly observed ? if they are _ completely ignorant _ of the system , having _ no prior knowledge _ about it , then they can not know , for example , where it is located , what it looks like , its mass , or its velocity relative to their own .
how then can they agree that they have observed the same system ?
within the context of a formal , theoretical description of the situation , it can simply be stipulated that the observers are jointly interacting with one single system , just as the ancient proverb stipulates that the blind men are interacting with a single elephant .
any such stipulation , however , clearly begs the question of how the stipulating agent identified the system under observation and determined that it , not something else , was the system with which each observer was interacting ( e.g. @xcite ) . how is the situation to be described if this artificial , question - begging `` god s eye '' stipulation is removed ? if observers are arbitrarily chosen and can not be assumed to have any prior knowledge of the systems to be observed , and if `` god s eye '' stipulations
that _ this _ observer is interacting with _ that _ system are rejected as question - begging , what remains to be said is that an observer interacted with a system - some system or other - and received an observational outcome .
the observational outcome(s ) received constitute the observer s entire knowledge of the system .
a well - established , over half - century - old body of theory describes the situation in which an observer can obtain outcomes from an observed system , but can know nothing about the system beyond the outcomes that have been obtained .
this is precisely the situation of an observer who interacts with a `` black box '' as described by classical cybernetics ( e.g. @xcite ) or of an observer who receives signals , via a communication channel , from an unknown source as described by classical information theory @xcite .
a black box is , by definition , a system with observable overt behavior but an inaccessible , unobservable and hence unknowable interior .
ashby @xcite and moore @xcite independently proved that , while observations of the overt behavior of a black box can clearly place a _ lower _
limit on the complexity of the unknown mechanism inside the box , no finite set of observations of the box s behavior can place an _
limit on its internal complexity .
the very next behavior of any black box can be a complete surprise , one that indicates the existence of unanticipated internal degrees of freedom and unanticipated internal dynamics .
consider now the behavior of a universe @xmath0 that is arbitrarily partitioned into two components @xmath2 and @xmath4 as shown in fig .
decompositional equivalence requires that the partitioning has no effect of the dynamics of @xmath0 ; therefore the self - interaction of @xmath0 can be written as @xmath15 , where the last term represents the interaction between the partitions .
this interaction @xmath5 defines an information channel between @xmath2 and @xmath4 ; hence changes in @xmath2 s state that result from this interaction can be considered to be recordings of observational outcomes obtained by interacting with @xmath4 and vice - versa .
the channel defined by @xmath5 is , moreover , the _ only _ information channel between @xmath2 and @xmath4
. in particular , @xmath2 has no independent access to the internal dynamics @xmath16 of @xmath4 , just as @xmath4 has no independent access to the internal dynamics @xmath14 of @xmath2 .
the system @xmath4 is , under these conditions , a black box from the perspective of @xmath2 , just as @xmath2 is a black box from the perspective of @xmath4 .
hence the nomenclature , `` @xmath2 s box '' for @xmath4 .
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ fig
. 1 _ : a ) a system @xmath0 is partitioned into two subsystems @xmath2 and @xmath4 .
b ) the systems @xmath2 and @xmath4 have internal dynamics @xmath14 and @xmath16 respectively and interact via @xmath5 .
_ _ _ _ _ _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ the system @xmath4 being a black box from @xmath2 s perspective has an immediate consequence of interest for any physical theory constructed by @xmath2 : since any further partition of @xmath4 is internal to @xmath4 , @xmath2 can obtain no information about such internal partitions .
this becomes obvious when the relevant interactions are examined .
if @xmath4 is further partitioned into @xmath1 plus @xmath3 , the internal interaction @xmath16 can be written as @xmath17 .
as @xmath2 has no access to @xmath16 , @xmath2 can have no access to the internal self - interactions @xmath18 and @xmath19 or to the two - way interaction @xmath20 .
indeed decompositional equivalence guarantees that the interaction @xmath5 via which @xmath2 acquires observational outcomes from @xmath4 is entirely independent of arbitrary redefinitions of the @xmath1-@xmath3 partition and hence arbitrary redefinitions of the interaction @xmath20 .
hence in any universe satisfying decompositional equivalence , _ observers can not `` see ''
system - environment boundaries _ and _ observers can not characterize system - environment interactions_. observers can not , moreover , characterize the individual states of either system or environment .
all observers can do is obtain outcomes , via @xmath5 , from @xmath4 , the black box within which @xmath1 and @xmath3 are fully contained .
this limitation on the information actually obtainable by observers immediately implies that the assumptions made in standard environmental - decoherence calculations ( e.g. @xcite ) can not be given anything other than a _ post - hoc _ justification .
observers can not , in particular , either identify the system - environment boundary at which decoherence is taken to occur or establish that the environmental state is sufficiently random that system - environment entanglement results in decoherence . while _ post - hoc _ justifications of the assumptions required for decoherence calculations may be adequate in practical settings
, they can not support in - principle foundational claims ; in particular , they can not support the common claim that decoherence _ explains _ the `` emergence of classicality '' from unitary dynamics @xcite . to claim that decoherence explains the emergence of classical system boundaries when
such a boundary must be assumed to perform a decoherence calculation is to beg the question .
to claim that decoherence explains the emergence of classical system states ( `` pointer states '' ) when a classical state of the environment must be assumed to perform the calculation is also to beg the question .
the primary claim of this paper is that decompositional equivalence and landauer s principle are sufficient to derive standard , unitary quantum theory .
its secondary claim is that when quantum theory is seen as an inevitable result of decompositional equivalence plus landauer s principle , it ceases to be paradoxical . in particular , the need for a paradoxical `` collapse '' process or for `` multiple worlds '' disappears . indeed , when it is seen as a consequence of these two principles , quantum theory appears to be simple and intuitively compelling . to begin the derivation ,
consider an observer capable of receiving and recording only a one - bit outcome .
suppose , for example , that the observer is equipped with a horizontally - oriented meter stick that has been modified to produce a digital `` 1 '' signal if but only if it comes into contact with an object that is 1 m wide and to produce a `` 0 '' signal if it comes into contact with any object that is not 1 m wide .
suppose , moreover , that this observer is embedded in a world containing many different objects , some number @xmath21 of which have a horizontal dimension of 1 m while @xmath22 others have other dimensions .
figure 2 illustrates this situation , indicating by the observer s blindfold that _ only _ the outcomes generated by the meter stick can be detected . _
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ fig . 2 _ : a blindfolded observer equipped only with a horizontally - oriented meter stick , embedded in a world containing multiple objects , some but not all of which have a horizontal dimension of 1 m. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ as the observer explores this world , the meter stick occasionally produces a `` 1 '' signal indicating the presence of a 1 m wide object ; at other times it produces a `` 0 '' signal indicating the presence of something else .
let us now invoke landauer s principle : recording each of these outcomes requires a change in the physical state of the observer .
each of these outcome - recording state changes must , moreover , consume at least @xmath23 of free energy , where @xmath24 is boltzmann s constant and @xmath25 is the temperature in the vicinity of the observer @xmath2 .
for simplicity , let us assume maximal efficiency , so that each state change requires exactly @xmath23 .
the observer can , therefore , be viewed as a _ counter _ that executes a state change , thereby consuming @xmath23 , each time an object is encountered .
let us now further simplify the situation by assuming that these outcome - recording state changes are the _ only _ state changes that @xmath2 undergoes ; we can imagine , for example , that @xmath2 is fixed and unmoving , and that some external mechanism occasionally moves an object into contact with @xmath2 s meter stick . in this case , @xmath2 s state changes can be viewed as implementing a _ clock _ that defines an observer - relative time coordinate @xmath26 .
let @xmath27 be the period of this clock .
since @xmath2 s state changes _ only _ when this clock `` ticks , '' the period @xmath27 can be defined as constant without loss of generality . from @xmath2 s perspective , the world is clearly a black box : in particular , @xmath2 has no observational access to the mechanism that occasionally brings objects into contact with the meter stick . letting @xmath4 name @xmath2 s world and treating the meter stick as a component of @xmath2 , the interaction @xmath5 implements the interaction between the meter stick and objects in the world and hence implements the transfer of information from the world to @xmath2 .
the minimum action of @xmath5 is then : @xmath28 as decompositional equivalence allows @xmath2 to be chosen arbitrarily , let us assume that @xmath2 has been chosen in such a way that @xmath29 is minimal across all two - way partitions of @xmath0 into an observer and that observer s world .
we can then define @xmath30 as the _ minimal action to receive and encode 1 bit _ and call it a `` quantum '' of action .
as one might expect the energy efficiency of biological photoreceptors to be optimized by evolutionary processes , it seems reasonable to estimate a numerical value of @xmath31 by considering such systems . for a molecule @xmath32 of rhodopsin at @xmath33 k ( i.e. 37 c , physiological temperature ) , @xmath34 fs @xcite . in this case
@xmath35 j and the 1-bit information transfer action is @xmath36 j@xmath37s , a value remarkably close to that of planck s constant @xmath38 j@xmath37s .
we can , therefore , identify @xmath31 as @xmath39 .
note that this is an entirely thermodynamic definition of @xmath39 that uses no `` quantum '' concepts and does not appeal to any distinction between `` microscopic '' and `` macroscopic '' objects or behaviors .
let us now adopt an explicitly theoretical , `` god s eye '' perspective ; indeed this perspective is already implicit in fig .
2 . from this perspective
, the physical state of @xmath4 can be described as a spatial configuration of objects , some one of which may , but need not , be in contact with @xmath2 s meter stick .
let @xmath40 be an abstract space of to - be - characterized structure that contains these states .
the self - interaction @xmath16 then includes the mechanism that occasionally moves an object into contact with @xmath2 s meter stick .
as this is the only mechanism that affects the state of @xmath2 , we can assume for simplicity that this is the only mechanism implemented by @xmath16 .
what is of interest , however , is how the state space @xmath40 and dynamics @xmath16 can be described from @xmath2 s perspective , using only the information obtainable by observation to construct the description .
this limited , observer s perspective , not the theoretical , `` god s eye '' perspective , is the one that is of interest because it is the perspective that we , as human observers , in fact experience . a theory inferred from this perspective is the only kind of theory that can be constructed on the basis of observational evidence . as we will see , a _ physical _
theory inferred from this perspective has the formal structure of quantum theory .
as the only observational outcomes that @xmath2 can obtain from @xmath4 are the values `` 1 '' and `` 0 , '' @xmath2 can attribute at most two distinct states to @xmath4 .
let us call these two states @xmath41 and @xmath42 and assume that , as mathematical objects , @xmath43 . from @xmath2 s perspective ,
then , the effect on these states of the self - interaction @xmath16 can be represented by a two - component function @xmath44 where : @xmath45 the two components @xmath46 and @xmath47 of @xmath48 are clearly orthogonal , and they clearly resolve the identity on @xmath40 .
what , however , can be said about @xmath16 itself , and how can the two distinct states @xmath42 and @xmath41 be further characterized ?
here it is necessary to return to the theorist s perspective .
from this perspective , it is clear that the state designations `` @xmath42 '' and `` @xmath41 '' are highly ambiguous ; both refer to multiple spatial configurations of objects that are distinguishable from a `` god s eye '' perspective but indistinguishable by @xmath2 .
the state transitions @xmath49 and @xmath50 are similarly , from the theorist s perspective , implemented by multiple distinct changes in the spatial configuration of objects . as @xmath2 functions as a clock , the time coordinate @xmath26 can be used to parameterize the state changes that occur in @xmath4 and hence to parameterize the action of @xmath16 .
each tick of this clock and hence the two endpoints of each interval @xmath27 correspond to some object being brought into contact , through the action of @xmath16 , with @xmath2 s meter stick . hence @xmath16 can be regarded as a periodic function of @xmath26 with period @xmath27 . with respect to some arbitrarily chosen initial value @xmath51 , one or the other of @xmath41 or @xmath42 is observed at each subsequent time @xmath52 , @xmath53 , @xmath54 , etc . whether @xmath41 or @xmath42 is observed after @xmath55 clock ticks , i.e. at @xmath56 can , therefore , be viewed as determined by the values at @xmath56 of two time - dependent phase angles @xmath57 and @xmath58 . as
@xmath16 is unobservable by @xmath2 , these phase angles must be unobservable by @xmath2 .
they must , therefore , be complex phases , i.e. there are real functions @xmath59 and @xmath60 such that @xmath61 and @xmath61 .
hence the observed state @xmath62 of @xmath4 at @xmath26 can be written : @xmath63 where @xmath64 and @xmath65 are real coefficients chosen so that @xmath66 . from the `` god s eye ''
perspective , it is clear that the ratio @xmath67 .
one would , moreover , expect from this perspective that over a sufficiently long elapsed time , the probabilities @xmath68 and @xmath69 of observing @xmath42 and @xmath41 , respectively , would be such that @xmath70 , i.e. one would expect the usual born rule of quantum theory to hold .
because @xmath4 is a black box , however , the numbers @xmath71 and @xmath72 can not be determined by observation , so the equation @xmath73 can not be derived by @xmath2 . the ergotic assumption that the observed frequencies of @xmath42 and @xmath41 between @xmath51 and @xmath56 for some large @xmath55 correspond to probabilities of future observations can not be proved valid for any black box , as its validity would contradict the ashby - moore theorem noted earlier .
the born rule remains , therefore , a useful _ rule _ for an observer , but it can not be considered a theorem . with the characterization of @xmath62 given by eq .
3 , it is clear that the postulated @xmath40 is a ( finite dimensional ) hilbert space , that @xmath42 and @xmath41 are basis vectors , and that @xmath46 and @xmath47 are von neumann projections .
the generalization from two basis vectors to any finite number is , moreover , straightforward . as any physically - implemented measurement device has finite resolution - infinite resolution would , by landauer s principle , entail infinite free - energy consumption - infinite - dimensional hilbert spaces are , as previously pointed out by fuchs @xcite , merely a convenience for performing calculations .
it remains now only to establish that the time - propagator @xmath74 associated with @xmath16 is unitary , from which the schrdinger equation follows .
the propagator @xmath74 , however , is just the function : @xmath75 for any @xmath76 . combining eq . 2 and 3 to replace states by the operators that produce them , we have : @xmath77 as @xmath46 and @xmath47 resolve the identity on @xmath40
, @xmath78 must be unitary .
the physical dynamics represented by @xmath74 and @xmath16 is , therefore , symmetric in @xmath26 . from the `` god s eye ''
perspective , this time symmetry corresponds to reversibility of the mechanism that brings objects into contact with the meter stick . from @xmath2 s perspective
, it corresponds to @xmath2 s inability to determine whether an apparently - random bit string is being read forwards or backwards .
the expressions in eq .
3 and 5 are clearly superpositions ; the basis vectors @xmath42 and @xmath41 are superposed in eq . 3 and the operators @xmath46 and @xmath47 are superposed in eq .
the physicality of superpositions is widely regarded as one of the central mysteries of quantum theory .
it is , therefore , worth reflected on what these expressions mean .
the first thing to note is that nothing is superposed in fig .
2 ; indeed fig .
2 depicts a perfectly `` classical '' layout of macroscopic objects .
this classical layout is , however , merely a theoretical stipulation ; it is drawn from a `` god s eye '' perspective that does not correspond to the perspective of the specified observer @xmath2 . as fig .
2 assigns each object a specific position , considering this `` god s eye '' perspective to be the perspective of any observer would violate the assumption that any observer s world is , for that observer , a black box . any observer s world
being , for that observer , a black box is as we have seen a consequence of decompositional equivalence ; it is decompositional equivalence that limits observers to only the information that can be transferred across the observer - box boundary by a well - defined observer - box interaction hamiltonian .
attributing the `` god s eye '' perspective to an observer therefore violates decompositional equivalence .
the information that any observer _ can _ obtain from the world is determined by the measurement devices that the observer can deploy .
landauer s principle restricts any observer to a finite free - energy budget , so both the number of measurement devices and their measurement resolutions must be finite .
what can be obtained from the world is therefore , for any observer , just a finite set of finite bit strings .
such finite sets of bit strings provide the only observational input into , and the only observational evidence for testing , any formalized model of the world .
in this situation , observers are faced with two unresolvable ambiguities .
first , it is impossible , in principle , for an observer to distinguish changes in the state of a single system from the unobserved substitution of one system for another . in the world of fig .
2 , for example , @xmath2 can not determine whether a change in observed outcome from `` 0 '' to `` 1 '' reflects a change in the length of some single object that is in continuous contact with the meter stick , or a change in which object has been placed in contact with the meter stick .
the states @xmath42 and @xmath41 are , therefore , ambiguous as to system ; @xmath2 can not determine which system they are states of .
second , it is impossible , in principle , for an observer to determine whether a fixed state is the state of a fixed system . in the world of fig .
2 , the outcomes `` 0 '' and `` 1 '' are both ambiguous between many systems .
these ambiguities characterize the outcomes obtainable by any observer of any black box , regardless of the number of measurement devices that can be deployed or their resolution , as long as both are finite , i.e. as long as landauer s principle is respected . the well - known `` no - go '' theorems of quantum theory , including bell s theorem and the kochen - specker theorem , follow from these ambiguities about the provenance of observational outcomes @xcite .
superpositions provide a natural mathematical representation of this in - principle ambiguity about the provenance of observational outcomes .
while it is standard practice in presentations of quantum theory to treat the system as fixed and represent the system s states as superpositions , this practice has no formal basis and , as we have seen , implicitly violates decompositional equivalence .
it is entirely equivalent , and intuitively far more natural , to treat the observed state as fixed and represent the system occupying that state as a superposition .
it is , after all , the _ state _ that is observed , as it is the state - being at this position , being this big , having this mass , moving this fast , etc .
- that corresponds to the value(s ) of one or more measurement outcomes . when the ubiquitous superpositions in quantum theory are viewed this way , as superpositions of systems , not states , they cease to be so mysterious . while natural language expresses the conceit that `` systems '' are fixed and enduring things , we all know that this is not actually the case .
the microstructures of all systems are in constant flux .
living systems obviously gain and lose material components , and hence become different _ physical systems _ , on a daily if not hourly or even moment - to - moment basis ; your own breathing provides an example .
it is , moreover , just an item of faith , sometimes explicitly propped up by appeals to occam s razor , that systems do not undergo more radical alterations or even substitutions of one for another while we are not observing them .
the cognitive mechanisms underlying this item of faith are becoming better understood , largely by studying their points of failure @xcite .
quantum theory reminds us that this inference of object identity through time is always just an _ inference _ , one based on observational outcomes that can not , even in principle , demonstrate the conclusion .
quantum theory was originally developed not by considering thought experiments such as that presented here , but by searching for a mathematical formalism that could explain the results of otherwise - mystifying experiments .
once it was understood that light behaved like a particle in the quantum domain , the already century - old double - slit experiment , which when performed by thomas young in 1803 had demonstrated that light behaved as a wave , became a mystery .
indeed feynman , in an often - quoted passage , describes it as `` a phenomenon which is impossible , _ absolutely _ impossible , to explain in any classical way , and which has in it the heart of quantum mechanics . in reality
, it contains the only mystery '' ( @xcite vol .
iii , sect .
1.1 , emphasis in original ) .
the apparatus for the double - slit experiment is schematically illustrated , from the perspective of its designer , in fig .
a source emits particles or waves of some kind : photons , electrons , c@xmath79 `` buckyballs '' @xcite or even heavier molecules with masses up to 10,000 amu @xcite .
these pass though a pair of slits , the implementation of which depends on the type of particle / wave passing through them , and are detected at some distance beyond the slits .
these components of the apparatus are connected by a rigid structure that also isolates them , in darkness and under high vacuum , from the outside world .
observers employing the double - slit apparatus to make measurements do not , therefore , have observational access to the internals of the instrument .
observers interact , instead , with a `` user interface '' comprising controls that set the source intensity and the states , either open or closed , of the two slits , together with a display screen that shows the positions , on the @xmath80 plane perpendicular to the instrument s axis , of any detected particles .
the state of the instrument from the observer s perspective is defined by the states of these interface elements , as shown in fig . 3b .
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ fig .
3 _ : a ) schematic representation of the double - slit apparatus from the perspective of its designer , comprising a detection screen @xmath81 , slits @xmath82 , photon or ion source @xmath83 and stabilizing structure @xmath84 .
real instruments may be substantially more complex , particularly in the implementation of the slits .
the dashed arrows show classical trajectories used to collimate the apparatus .
b ) the double - slit apparatus from the perspective of an observer , comprising a knob for regulating the source intensity , a knob for determining which slit(s ) to open , and a display screen on which detection events are recorded .
the @xmath85 and @xmath86 coordinates of the display correlate with the @xmath85 and @xmath86 coordinates of the detector as shown .
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ the phenomenology of the double - slit experiment is straightforward .
if neither slit is open , nothing is detected on the screen . if only one slit is open ,
particles are detected in an approximately gaussian distribution , elongated on the @xmath86 axis and centered on the @xmath80 position of the open slit .
if both slits are open , an interference pattern appears along the @xmath85 axis of the display , with the interference peak and valley intensities indicated on the @xmath86 axis .
these patterns are maintained even if the source intensity is set to just one particle per unit time .
if , however , the detection screen is moved to be immediately behind the slits ( for photons ) or some means of detecting which slit a particle passed through is installed ( for massive particles ) , the interference pattern disappears .
the standard interpretation of this phenomenology is that individual particles , even individual large molecules such as the porphyrins employed by @xcite , act as waves , passing through both slits if both are open and subsequently interfering with themselves .
both this ambiguous wave - particle behavior and the fact that the interference pattern disappears if the particle s trajectory is `` observed '' by monitoring the slit it passed through are canonical `` quantum '' phenomena .
let us consider this standard interpretation in somewhat more detail .
if the source intensity is adjusted so that many particles are emitted per unit time , the resulting `` beam '' of particles illuminates the plate @xmath82 in which the slits are cut .
some fraction of the `` beam '' passes through the slits and subsequently , the `` beam '' components that passed through the left slit interfere with the components that passed through the right slit .
this situation is analogous to what happens when water waves encounter a breakwater barrier with two openings , as often demonstrated in laboratory exercises for beginning physics students .
hence the `` beam '' behaves like a classical wave .
this classical analogy breaks down , however , when the source intensity is turned down to one particle per unit time . as the interference pattern persists , built up one detection event at a time , it must be assumed either that each particle went through both slits and subsequently interfered with itself , or else that the particles can interfere with each other across time , with the first assumption by far the most commonly chosen . in this case
the trajectory of each particle can be thought of as comprising two components .
first , the particle travels from the source to both slits ; representing the @xmath85 coordinates of the slits as @xmath87 and @xmath88 and ignoring the other coordinates , this first part of the trajectory can be represented as @xmath89 ( the @xmath85 coordinate location of the source ) @xmath90 .
this first part of the trajectory has , in other words , a fixed starting point but a superposition of end points .
the second part of the trajectory can then be represented as @xmath91 , where @xmath92 is the @xmath85 coordinate of the detection event .
each particle is , therefore , considered to be in a superposition of @xmath85 coordinate states for its entire trajectory , excepting only its initial location at the source and its final location on the detector .
the @xmath85 coordinate of each particle is , however , _ observed _ only at the detector .
no aspect of its trajectory is observed other than its detection at @xmath93 .
indeed , that the particle even has a trajectory is an interpretative assumption based on the designer s , not the observer s , perspective on the apparatus .
what the observer can determine by observation is that the number of detection events correlates with the source intensity provided that at least one slit is open , and that the number of open slits determines the pattern - either gaussian or interference - that is detected . by appeal to the classical theory of waves , the observer can infer that the slits are far enough from the detection screen for an interference pattern to develop whenever both slits are open .
where , however , is the source ?
it is consistent with the observed detection patterns that each slit is also a source ; if a slit is open , it emits particles at the chosen intensity , but if it is closed it does not . the question : `` what is the source of a particle detected at time @xmath94 ? '' has , therefore , a determinate answer if only one slit is open , but if both slits are open , the answer is ambiguous .
this ambiguity can be expressed by representing the source as being in a superposition @xmath95 of positions along the @xmath85 axis , or following the reasoning in 5 , representing the source as a superposition of systems @xmath96 , where the notations `` @xmath97 '' and `` @xmath98 '' refer to left and right sources of particles .
these alternative expressions equally capture what an observer can know about the source of an observed particle .
it is important to note that taking the apparatus apart to allow inspection of the internal components does not resolve the ambiguity .
once the instrument is disassembled , the interference pattern disappears . indeed
any attempt to determine whether the particle has a trajectory prior to encountering the slits disrupts the pattern , just as attempting to determine which slit has been traversed does .
the source superpositions @xmath95 or @xmath96 , and the interference pattern they produce , can therefore be viewed as a consequence - perhaps even a side - effect - of the isolation and consequent unobservability of the internals of the apparatus .
they are , in other words , consequences of the apparatus being a black box .
decompositional equivalence is such a simple and fundamental symmetry that it is generally assumed without comment .
whenever we give the components of some composite object separate names , for example , we assume decompositional equivalence : we assume that our identification and naming of subsystems within the composite system does not change how the composite system behaves . from a formal perspective , we assume decompositional equivalence whenever we represent the physical states of an object as elements in an abstract space on which an associative product is well - defined . without this assumption ,
any discussion of `` subsystems '' or `` parts '' becomes impossible ; without decompositional equivalence , singling some part of an object out as `` of interest '' potentially changes the object s behavior in arbitrary ways .
what has been shown here is that this fundamental symmetry is , when combined with landauer s principle , sufficient to derive quantum theory .
the derivation turns on a simple observation : if the decomposition of an object does not affect its overt behavior , then its overt behavior can not determine its decomposition .
its overt behavior can not , in particular , provide evidence for the existence of a `` preferred '' decomposition . by allowing any system
to be arbitrarily decomposed without consequences , decompositional equivalence renders any supposed internal boundaries dynamically irrelevant .
it renders all systems black boxes .
what the formalism of quantum theory describes are the observational outcomes obtainable from a black box .
the ubiquitous superpositions of quantum theory account formally for the in - principle ambiguity of outcome provenance with which observers of a black box are faced . because decompositional equivalence is generally implicit , assumptions that violate decompositional equivalence often go unnoticed .
any assumption that some subsystem boundaries , but not others , can be regarded as `` given '' by the laws of nature violates decompositional equivalence .
this very assumption is made , however , whenever it is assumed that multiple observers will identify the same subsystem boundaries as `` preferred '' and hence identify the same subsystems as `` systems of interest . ''
it is also made whenever special physical processes , such as `` collapse '' or decoherence , are assumed to occur at some subsystem boundaries but not others .
such assumptions are , effectively , assumptions that some particular `` preferred '' subsystem boundaries are fixed by the initial conditions of the universe @xcite .
the empirical success of quantum theory indicates that such decompositional - equivalence - violating assumptions are unjustified . in place of the usual paradoxes of `` collapse '' or `` multiple worlds , '' a quantum theory that explicitly acknowledges decompositional equivalence presents us with deep empirical questions about the structure and functioning of observers . if `` preferred '' subsystem boundaries are not `` given '' by the laws of nature , what explains the ability of human observers to agree about what constitutes a `` system '' ?
how is communication by pointing possible , let alone communication by language ?
how are shared semantics ever developed ?
these are generally regarded as questions for developmental psychology and cognitive neuroscience .
decompositional equivalence reveals that they are questions for fundamental physics as well .
thanks to don hoffman for encouraging me to think about 1-bit information transfers , and to the federico and elvia faggin foundation for financial support during the final stages of this work . | arxiv |
the standard game theory framework considers players who are von neumann - morgenstern ( vnm ) utility maximizers ; that is , they maximize the expected value of someutility function " defined over potential outcomes .
the key to finding equilibria in such framework , of course , is to know the exact functional form of the utility function in order to translate payoffs and probabilities to utilities .
the complexity of the analysis under non - standard functional forms , on the one hand , and the complications of identifying _ the _ functional forms of the utilities of the real - world players , on the other hand , are two of the challenges of the standard framework . in this paper
, we undertake the above issues by introducing a non - equilibrium solution concept .
we develop an analytical framework for ( zero - sum ) repeated games to study the following question : _ what is the highest payoff that players can `` guarantee with high probability ? '' _ more precisely , we are concerned with payoffs that can be guaranteed ( with some strategy ) with probability @xmath0 , where @xmath1 goes to @xmath2 as the games get played more and more .
this high probability game theory " setting helps us to derive results analogous to the existing ones on repeated games with incomplete information by mertens and zamir in @xcite .
22[*alice*][*bob * ] @xmath3 & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & 1 & 2 + @xmath7 & -4 & -6 22[*alice*][*bob * ] @xmath8 & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & 1 & 2 + @xmath7 & 8 & 8 + 22[*alice*][*bob * ] & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & 1 & 2 + @xmath7 & 2 & 1 let us motivate our solution concept by a simple , concrete example .
consider the zero - sum repeated game depicted in fig .
[ figcap1 ] between alice and bob .
there is a state variable @xmath9 with uniform distribution over @xmath10 .
alice s payoff table for @xmath11 and @xmath12 are given ( bob s payoff is negative of alice s payoff ) .
we assume that alice and bob have no knowledge of the value of @xmath9 .
the game is played @xmath13 times between alice and bob , with the state variable being drawn at the beginning and kept fixed throughout the @xmath13 games .
alice and bob only get to see their payoff values after playing all the @xmath13 games ; hence they can not gain any information about @xmath9 throughout the game .
we make the assumption that if the total sum of the @xmath13 payoffs of the @xmath13 games of a player is positive , that player wins the entire game .
there is a draw if the total sum of each player is zero .
let us first assume that alice aims to maximize the expected value of her average payoffs in the @xmath13 games .
since alice and bob do not know @xmath9 , we can compute the average table with weights @xmath14 as given in the bottom of fig .
[ figcap1 ] .
the average table is symmetric and a nash equilibrium strategy is for players to choose their actions uniformly at random .
this gives alice an expected average payoff of @xmath15 .
thus , alice can guarantee a positive total expected payoff in the nash equilibrium of the repeated game .
however , with this strategy , alice s average payoff is negative with probability @xmath16 ; it is @xmath17 when @xmath11 .
therefore , with probability @xmath16 when @xmath11 , she will lose the entire @xmath13 game as her total sum payoff becomes negative with high probability by the law of large numbers . on the other hand , assume that alice plays a different strategy of choosing action @xmath6 all the time ( which is not part of a nash equilibrium ) .
then , bob will play @xmath4 and this leads to a payoff of @xmath18 for alice regardless of whether @xmath11 or @xmath12 .
the payoff of @xmath18 is smaller than the average payoff of @xmath15 that an equilibrium strategy will give her , but is guaranteed with probability one ; thus ensuring that alice will win the entire game .
more generally , given an arbitrary repeated game ( with complete or incomplete information ) , we ask that given an @xmath19 , whether alice has a strategy , for a sufficiently large enough @xmath13 , that guarantees her total sum payoff to be greater than a number @xmath20 with probability @xmath0 . in studying this natural problem
, one may consider the whole @xmath13 games as a one stage strategic form game , and then consider the sequence of these games for different values of @xmath13 , as @xmath13 becomes larger and larger .
however , we find it easier to analyze this game as an extensive form repeated game in a high probability framework .
* motivation from information theory : * one motivation for a high probability framework comes from information theory , where repeated use of a channel and a vanishing probability of error as the number of channel uses , @xmath13 , tends to infinity is common . in the following we explain this via a simple example that requires little background in information theory .
we need some definitions : a binary erasure channel ( bec ) is a communication medium with a binary input @xmath21 .
the output of this channel , denoted by random variable @xmath22 , is a symbol from @xmath23 where @xmath24 indicates that the input symbol is erased .
when the input symbol is not erased @xmath25 , we have @xmath26 . the transmitter will not know whether a transmission has been erased at the receiver or not .
let us denote the erasure event by random variable @xmath27 , _
@xmath28 indicates that the input bit is _ not _ erased .
when we use the channel @xmath13 times , we will have erasure random variables @xmath29 for each transmission .
we assume that each @xmath30 is a function of three variables : an internal channel state variable @xmath9 , an input @xmath31 by alice and an input @xmath32 by bob , according to @xmath33 , where @xmath34 is a given function for any @xmath35 .
random variable @xmath9 is randomly chosen at the beginning and is fixed through the @xmath13 channel uses ( slow fading ) .
alice and bob have initial partial knowledge about @xmath9 by having access to @xmath36 and @xmath37 that are correlated with @xmath9 .
figure [ fig : bec - repeated - game ] illustrates this configuration .
alice aims to help the transmission ( trying to make @xmath38 variables one , as much as possible ) and bob aims to disrupt it .
neither alice nor bob observe the variables @xmath38 .
but we assume that both alice and bob observe each other actions ( inputs to the channel ) causally ; therefore , if they know each other s strategies , each party can infer some information about the other party s side information by observing their actions .
hence , there is a tradeoff for both parties between using and hiding their side information : using it can be advantageous for the current transmission while actions can reveal information to the other party which could be turned against them in subsequent transmissions .
= [ rounded corners , fill = blue!20,draw = blue!50,very thick ] = [ decoration = markings , mark = at position 0.999 with , postaction = decorate , shorten > = 0.4pt ] ( -1,-0.5 ) rectangle ( 1,0.5 ) ; at ( 0,0 ) bec ; ( -2,0 ) ( -1,0 ) ; ( -1,1.5 ) rectangle ( 1,2.5 ) ; at ( 0,2 ) @xmath39 ; ( 0,1.5 ) ( 0,0.5 ) ; at ( 0.25,1 ) @xmath38 ; at ( -1.5,2.2 ) @xmath31 ; ( -4,1.5 ) rectangle ( -2,2.5 ) ; at ( -3,2 ) alice ; ( -2,2 ) ( -1,2 ) ; ( -3,3 ) ( -3,2.5 ) ; at ( -3,3.2 ) @xmath36 ; ( -4.5 , 2 ) ( -4,2 ) ; at ( -5.5,2 ) @xmath40 } , b_{[1:i-1]}$ ] ; ( 1,0 ) ( 2,0 ) ; at ( 2.3 , 0 ) @xmath41 ; at ( -2.3 , 0 ) @xmath42 ; ( 4,1.5 ) rectangle ( 2,2.5 ) ; at ( 3,2 ) bob ; ( 4.5 , 2 ) ( 4,2 ) ; at ( 5.5,2 ) @xmath40 } , b_{[1:i-1]}$ ] ; ( 3,3 ) ( 3,2.5 ) ; at ( 3,3.2 ) @xmath37 ; at ( 1.5,2.2 ) @xmath32 ; ( 2,2 ) ( 1,2 ) ; we can view the above as a game with incomplete information if we consider @xmath38 to be the payoff of the game for alice ( the payoff of bob will be the negative of the payoff of alice ) . now , suppose that alice can guarantee the expected total payoff of @xmath43
. it may be the case that with probability @xmath16 , her total payoff is zero , and with probability @xmath16 her total payoff is @xmath13 .
then , with probability @xmath16 all the transmitted bits will be erased and no communication will be possible . therefore , having a bound on the expected value of total payoff is not useful .
on the other hand , given some small @xmath19 , assume that alice can guarantee her total payoff to be at least @xmath44 with probability @xmath0 , regardless of how bob plays .
in other words , with probability @xmath0 , at least @xmath44 bits from the @xmath13 bits that the transmitter sends will become available at the receiver . then , with probability @xmath0 , the transmitter can send about @xmath44 data bits by employing standard coding techniques such as fountain codes . therefore , a high probability framework is of relevance to information transmission problem over this adversarial bec channel .
it is possible to think of other information theory problems with a threshold phenomenon where the high probability framework is of relevance .
for instance , in coding theory , the minimum distance of a code gives a guarantee that if the number of changes in a code sequence is sufficiently small , decoding will be successful .
one can consider a problem where alice and bob are having actions that ( along with a channel state ) determines when a transmission will become erroneous .
it would be desirable for alice to make sure that the number of errors are bounded to ensure successful decoding . or for instance , one can imagine a control system with two players , one who is trying to increase the error and the other who is trying to reduce the error
. it may be that a bound on the total error of a system be of importance ( and not its expected value ) .
in section [ compoundavc ] , we provide a technical application of the high probability framework for the problem of communication over a certain compound arbitrarily varying channel . * our contribution : * in this paper , we focus on repeated games with incomplete information .
incomplete information refers to the fact that there are some unknown parameters that affect the payoff of the players .
each player has its own partial knowledge of the parameters , which may leak to the other player through actions during the repeated game .
there is a tradeoff between hiding and using the information to each party .
we refer the reader to @xcite for a comprehensive treatment .
our main contribution in this paper is to find payoffs that can be guaranteed with high probability .
we introduce a non - equilibrium approach the high probability condition and characterize payoffs that can satisfy that condition . just like the average case framework ,
a complicating aspect of the problem is the tradeoff between hiding and using the information in the high probability framework . after proving our main result in the high probability framework , a non - trivial application of this framework to compound arbitrarily varying channel
is also given .
there have been few previous works on implicit flow of information through actions in information theory @xcite .
however , none of existing works address implicit communication from the perspective of game theory to characterize the tradeoff between hiding and using the information .
therefore , there are new conceptual features in our treatment
. * related work : * the literature of repeated game theory contains several ideas that are related to our paper . the standard approach to infinitely repeated games with no discount rate is the closest to ours , but it is concerned with the average payoff as a criteria of equilibrium @xcite . as we discussed before
, our paper in some sense provides a high probability analogous of @xcite .
fudenberg and levine @xcite study a repeated game of imperfect monitoring where they provide asymptotic bounds for the payoff of the player whose reputation ( against his opponent ) is crucial in identifying the equilibrium . the robust mechanism design literature is also related to ours , in that the goal is to `` guarantee '' a payoff ( in a maxmin sense ) , but with a focus on single period games see , for instance , @xcite and @xcite .
it should be pointed out that classical game theory has already found many applications in information theory in scenarios where we have channels with unknown parameters , or channels that can vary arbitrarily ( adversarial channels ) .
the payoff function is generally either a mutual information ( _ e.g. , _
@xcite ) or a coding error probability ( _ e.g. , _
@xcite ) . other than the problem of channels with uncertainty
, game theory is vastly being used in other problems of information theory such as adversarial sources , power allocation and spectrum sharing .
* organization : * the rest of this paper is organized as follows : in section [ notation ] we define our notation . in section [ sec : game - definition - problem - statement ]
we formally define the problem , in section [ sec : expected - asymptotic ] we review a result in repeated games with incomplete information in the expected value regime and finally in section [ sec : vs - vw ] we prove our main result which is finding the highest value a party can guarantee with high probability in repeated games with incomplete information .
section [ compoundavc ] includes an application of the framework .
we use capital letters for random variables and small letters for their realizations .
we use @xmath45 $ ] to denote the set @xmath46 .
then @xmath47}$ ] denotes @xmath48 .
we use both subscript and superscripts to denote indicies ; _
@xmath49 is rv @xmath50 indexed by @xmath51 , and @xmath52 is rv @xmath50 indexed by @xmath53 and @xmath51 .
thus , @xmath54}_{[n]}=\{(x_i^j : i\in [ n ] , j\in[k]\}$ ] . for a function @xmath55 , @xmath56 and @xmath57 denote its lower concave envelope and upper convex envelope , respectively ; _
@xmath56 is the smallest concave function that lies above @xmath55 .
the support of a probability distribution @xmath58 over a finite set @xmath59 is defined as @xmath60 .
we consider a two player zero sum game with alice and bob as players .
we are interested in alice s payoffs ; hence alice is the maximizer and bob is the minimizer .
[ def : value - of - game ] we define the value of a strategic game @xmath61 , @xmath62 , as alice s payoff in a nash equilibrium ; this value is the same for all nash equilibriums since the game is zero sum .
we use @xmath63 and @xmath64 to denote alice s and bob s payoffs in any nash equilibrium respectively . hence , @xmath65 . a standard zero sum repeated game of incomplete information consists of the following components @xcite : * a zero sum two player game @xmath66 called the _ stage game _ which is repeated @xmath13 times .
this game is between two players , say alice and bob , with finite sets of permissible actions @xmath67 and @xmath68 , respectively . for each state @xmath69
, we have a payoff table @xmath70 where @xmath34 denotes alice s payoff when alice plays action @xmath71 and bob plays action @xmath72 in @xmath66 . * a probability distribution @xmath73 on a finite set of states , @xmath74 , from which the state of the game is chosen by nature at random at the beginning of the game . without loss of generality
, we may assume that @xmath75 for all @xmath76 , _
i.e. , _ @xmath77 .
* this state is fixed throughout the @xmath13 repetitions of @xmath66 , but neither alice , nor bob know the exact value of the state . instead , alice and bob receive @xmath36 and @xmath37 as the side information about @xmath9 , respectively .
we assume that @xmath36 and @xmath37 are functions of @xmath9 , _
@xmath78 and @xmath79 .
this assumption is made without loss of generality , as argued later .
equivalently , one can think that the set of states , @xmath74 , is partitioned into some sets in two ways , one for alice and one for bob , and each player realizes the number of partition @xmath9 falls in for his own partition .
hence , partitions for alice and bob are of the form @xmath80 and @xmath81 , respectively , where @xmath82 and @xmath83 are realizations of @xmath36 and @xmath37 , respectively .
the alphabets of random variables @xmath36 and @xmath37 are denoted by @xmath84 and @xmath85 , respectively . *
each party plays actions in the repeated game based on the information they have since the beginning of the game , _
i.e. , _ their side informations @xmath36 and @xmath37 and the history of the game @xmath86}$ ] and @xmath87}$ ] which are alice s and bob s actions up to stage @xmath53 respectively . note that in stage @xmath88 , alice and bob play @xmath89 and @xmath90 simultaneously ; here we have shown actions with capital letters to emphasize that they are random variables since the two parties are allowed to employ random strategies , and the initial state @xmath9 is random .
* we assume that alice and bob just observe their actions , not the payoffs they have received .
when all @xmath13 stages are finished , alice receives the time average of the payoffs of stage games , _
@xmath91 note that @xmath92 is a random variable .
the repeated game with above components is shown by @xmath93 where @xmath58 is the prior distribution on state space @xmath94 . with an abuse of notation ,
we alternatively write @xmath95 where @xmath9 the random variable with distribution @xmath58 .
a few points should be made about the above definition .
first , note that the assumption that @xmath36 and @xmath37 are deterministic functions of @xmath9 is not restrictive .
in fact , in the general case where @xmath36 and @xmath37 are allowed to be random functions of @xmath9 , we can define a random variable @xmath96 where @xmath36 and @xmath37 are deterministic functions of @xmath9 and @xmath96 ( functional representation lemma ( * ? ? ?
* appendix b ) ) . therefore ,
for the new repeated game with state @xmath97 and payoff tables @xmath98 side informations are of our desired form and also the resulting payoffs do not change .
we can consider the strategic form for the above extensive form game and call it @xmath99 . in this strategic form game , each action of a player is a pure strategy of him in the repeated game , _
i.e. , _ a collection of deterministic functions determining what action should be played at each stage given the observations up to that time .
the payoff of this game is the expected outcome of the repeated game defined as in when @xmath9 is generated from distribution @xmath73 .
this strategic form game is indeed zero sum , hence has a mixed strategy nash equilibrium with value @xmath100 .
this could be defined rigorously as follows : [ def : strategic - form ] the strategic form game @xmath99 is defined as a one stage zero sum game with action sets @xmath101 for alice and @xmath102 for bob where @xmath103 } \times { \mathcal{b}}_{[i-1 ] } \times { \mathcal{s}}_a \rightarrow { \mathcal{a } } ,
1 \leq i \leq n \ } \\ \hat{{\mathcal{b } } } & = \{(g_1,\dots , g_n ) \ , | \ , g_i : { \mathcal{a}}_{[i-1 ] } \times { \mathcal{b}}_{[i-1 ] } \times { \mathcal{s}}_b \rightarrow { \mathcal{b } } , 1 \leq i \leq n \ } \\ \end{split}\ ] ] where @xmath104 } , b_{[i-1 ] } , s_a)$ ] determines which action alice will play if the history of the game is @xmath105 } , b_{[i-1]}$ ] and she has the side information @xmath36 , and bob s strategies are similar . given a realization @xmath106 , a unique deterministic sequence of actions is played by alice and bob , denoted by @xmath107}(s ) , b_{[n]}(s)$ ] where @xmath108}(s ) , b_{[i-1]}(s ) , \mathscr t_a(s ) ) \\
b_i(s ) & = g_i(a_{[i-1]}(s ) , b_{[i-1]}(s ) , \mathscr t_b(s ) ) . \\
\end{split}\ ] ] the payoff function of this game is defined as follows : @xmath109 as mentioned above , this is a finite zero sum game , hence has a mixed strategy nash equilibrium . any strategy of this form is a mixture of pure strategies defined above , called a mixed strategy in the repeated game . however , since the repeated game @xmath110 is with perfect recall , _
i.e. , _ each player remembers his own past actions , kuhn s theorem implies that without loss of generality we may only consider behavioral strategies ( see , @xcite , for instance ) .
a behavioral strategy is a collection of random functions assigning probabilities to each action given the history of the game at each stage : a behavioral strategy of alice in the game @xmath110 is a collection of random functions where @xmath111 } , b_{[i-1 ] } , s_a),\ ] ] is the probability that alice chooses action @xmath112 when the history of the game is @xmath105 } , b_{[i-1]}$ ] and alice s side information is @xmath82 .
behavioral strategies are defined similarly via @xmath113 } , b_{[i-1 ] } , s_b)$ ] .
the choices of alice and bob in different stages are assumed to be conditionally independent given the past action history , _
i.e. , _ the probability distribution on the outcome of the game is @xmath114},b_{[n ] } ) = p_s(s ) \prod_{i=1}^n \alpha(a_i | a_{[i-1 ] } , b_{[i-1 ] } , \mathscr t_a(s ) ) \beta(b_i | a_{[i-1 ] } , b_{[i-1 ] } , \mathscr t_b(s)).\ ] ] the set of alice s behavioral strategies in @xmath110 is denoted by @xmath115 and bob s behavioral strategies is denoted by @xmath116 .
the value of @xmath110 is defined as the value of its strategic form . as a result of kuhn s theorem
, we have @xmath117 } = \min_{\beta \in \tilde{{\mathcal{b}}}_n } \max_{\alpha \in \tilde{{\mathcal{a}}}_n } { \mathbb{e } \left [ \frac{1}{n } \sum_{i=1}^ng_s(a_i , b_i ) \right ] } , \ ] ] where @xmath31 and @xmath32 are random variables denoting the actions of alice and bob .
let @xmath118 be the time average payoff of alice .
then , equation implies that if alice plays her equilibrium strategy , independent of bob s strategy , we have @xmath119 } \geq { \mathbb{v}\left ( \gamma_n^{\mathscr t_a , \mathscr t_b}(s ) \right)},\ ] ] which shows that alice can guarantee @xmath120 in the average sense by playing an equilibrium ( behavioral ) strategy .
conversely , from , if bob plays his equilibrium strategy , alice can not guarantee more than the value of the game , _
i.e. , _ @xmath121 } \leq { \mathbb{v}\left ( \gamma_n^{\mathscr t_a,\mathscr t_b}(s ) \right)}$ ] .
hence @xmath120 is the maximum value alice can guarantee in the expected value sense .
the asymptotic behavior of this value , _
@xmath122 is analyzed by mertens and zamir in @xcite .
we will review a special case of this result in section [ sec : expected - asymptotic ] . on the other hand
, one might be interested in finding the value alice can guarantee with high probability instead of in average .
there are two ways of defining this concept .
[ def : strong - guaranteeing ] we say that alice can strongly guarantee a value @xmath20 if for all @xmath19 , there exists a natural number @xmath96 such that for all @xmath123 , alice has a strategy @xmath124 in @xmath125 so that for all strategies @xmath126 of bob in this game we have @xmath127 [ def : weak - guaranteeing ] we say that alice can weakly guarantee a value @xmath20 if for all @xmath19 , there exists @xmath96 such that for all @xmath123 and for all strategy @xmath126 for bob in @xmath125 , there exists a strategy @xmath124 for alice in this game such that @xmath127 note that the difference between the above two definitions is that if alice wants to guarantee a payoff strongly , then she needs to have a _ universal _
strategy @xmath124 independent of bob s strategy . a universal strategy of alice should work for all possible strategy of bob . on the other hand , when alice wants to guarantee a value weakly
, she can adapt her strategy based on bob s strategy .
therefore , it is evident that if alice can guarantee a value in the strong sense , she can guarantee it in the weak sense too .
[ def : vsup ] when the game state has distribution @xmath128 , alice s and bob s side information functions are @xmath129 and @xmath130 , respectively , we denote the supremum of all values alice can strongly guarantee as @xmath131 .
similarly @xmath132 denotes the supremum over all values alice can guarantee weakly .
when it is clear from the context , we use @xmath133 and @xmath134 instead as shorthands for @xmath132 and @xmath131 , respectively .
we will find the values of @xmath133 and @xmath134 in section [ sec : vs - vw ] .
in this section , we review an existing result for guaranteeing payoffs in the expected value . in this approach , the nash equilibrium of the @xmath13 stage game , @xmath135 is asymptotically analyzed and its limit value as well as its convergence rate is obtained .
we first need a definition : [ def : u - average - game ] given a distribution @xmath128 on set @xmath136 and payoff tables @xmath34 for @xmath137 , define @xmath138 as the value of the one - stage zero - sum game with the average payoff table @xmath139 . we may also denote it by @xmath140 where @xmath9 is the random variable with distribution @xmath128 .
consider the special case where one player is fully aware of the game state and the other has no side information . in order to do
so we employ the notation @xmath141 as the function which gives no side information , _
i.e. , _ it has a constant output @xmath142 for all @xmath69 . on the other hand ,
let @xmath143 is the side information function which gives full information , _
@xmath144 for all @xmath69 .
we consider the case where @xmath145 .
then , [ thm : zamir - side - information - on - one - side ] @xmath146 exists and is equal to @xmath147 where @xmath148 is the convex hull of @xmath149 as a function on the probability simplex .
furthermore there exists a constant @xmath150 such that for all @xmath128 we have @xmath151 in @xcite , alice is assumed to have full information and bob knows nothing ; in fact their place is reversed . in order to change their place , we can negate the payoff table .
that is why we have @xmath152 instead of @xmath153 here and also the inequality direction in is reversed . to be more precise , statement of theorem 3.16 of @xcite in our notation translates to @xmath154 noting @xmath155 for any zero sum game @xmath61 and @xmath156 for any function @xmath55 transforms the above equation into . also note that on the right hand side of the analogue of in @xcite we have the term @xmath157 which is upper bounded by @xmath158 and is absorbed into the constant @xmath150 here .
+ observe that the constant @xmath150 in is independent of @xmath128 , hence it implies uniform convergence of the sequence @xmath159 to its limit on @xmath128 . in the following ,
we provide an intuitive sketch of the key ideas used to prove theorem [ thm : zamir - side - information - on - one - side ] ; see @xcite for a rigorous proof .
alice initially does not know anything about @xmath9 .
bob knows @xmath9 and his actions may increase alice s information about @xmath9 .
let us denote alice s information about @xmath9 at time stage @xmath53 by the mutual information @xmath160}b_{[i-1]})$ ] for @xmath161 $ ] .
the sequence @xmath162 satisfies the following properties : @xmath163 , @xmath164 and @xmath165 $ ] .
take some @xmath166 .
we say that an information jump occurs at stage @xmath53 if @xmath167 . since @xmath165 $ ] , the number of jumps is at most the constant @xmath168 .
let @xmath169 : j_{i}-j_{i-1}\leq \delta\}$ ] . since @xmath88 is a constant , @xmath170 .
the payoff of alice is its average over time stages @xmath18 to @xmath13 and is dominated by the average of stages in @xmath171 , _
i.e. , _ @xmath172 at time instances in @xmath173 , bob s strategy is essentially non - revealing in the sense that if from alice s view , @xmath9 has conditional pmf @xmath174}b_{[i-1]})$ ] at time stage @xmath53 , we have that @xmath175 .
then , the payoff that alice can obtain at time stage @xmath53 is that of a non - revealing @xmath176 .
the average payoff over various realizations of @xmath105}b_{[i-1]}$ ] is equal to @xmath177}b_{[i-1]}}p(a_{[i-1]}b_{[i-1]}){\mathfrak{u } \ !
\left ( p(s|a_{[i-1]}b_{[i-1 ] } ) \right ) } \geq \operatorname*{vex}{\mathfrak{u } \ !
\left ( p \right ) } \ ] ] as @xmath178}b_{[i-1]}}p(a_{[i-1]}b_{[i-1]})p(s|a_{[i-1]}b_{[i-1]})=p(s)$ ] .
this demonstrates that alice s payoff is greater than or equal to @xmath179 , regardless of how bob plays . on the other hand
, bob has a strategy ensuring that alice s payoff does not exceed @xmath180 .
assume that @xmath181 for some non - negative weights @xmath182 $ ] adding up to one , and pmfs @xmath183 satisfying @xmath184 let @xmath185 be a random variable on alphabet set @xmath186 satisfying @xmath187 .
rv @xmath185 is joint distributed with @xmath9 as follows : @xmath188 bob can locally create @xmath185 by passing @xmath9 through a channel @xmath189 .
bob s strategy is then as follows : he uses his actions in the first few instances of the game to communicate @xmath185 to alice .
the payoff in these first few instances of the game do not affect the overall payoff over the @xmath13 games . by doing this ,
bob is effectively announcing @xmath185 to alice , at no effective cost .
bob then proceeds as follows : he completely forgets the exact state @xmath9 and only given the variable @xmath185 , he plays the optimal strategy of @xmath190 when @xmath191 . in this case , since the marginal distribution of @xmath9 is @xmath192 and alice knows whatever bob knows about the state , the posterior of the state does not change from stage to stage from alice s point of view,_i.e .
, _ she does not learn further about the state from bob s actions than the initial announcement @xmath185 .
hence , @xmath193 } = \sum_{i=1}^k \lambda_i \frac{1}{n } \sum_{j=1}^n { \mathbb{e } \left [ g_s(a_j , b_j ) | v= i \right ] } \leq \sum_{i=1}^k \lambda_i { \mathfrak{u } \
! \left ( p_i \right ) } = \operatorname*{vex}{\mathfrak{u } \ ! \left ( p \right ) } .\ ] ] roughly speaking , this argument shows that the optimal strategy for the informed player is to announce whatever the uninformed player is eventually going to learn about the state at the beginning of the game and forget the extra information , so that both players end up having a balanced information about the state .
this completes the sketch of the proof of @xcite .
an interesting implication of theorem [ thm : zamir - side - information - on - one - side ] is as follows : considering the mixed nash strategies , alice s mixed strategy ensures learning and exploiting from bob s actions about state @xmath9 in an optimal way , for all possible strategies of bob . in other words
, it implies existence of a universal " algorithm for alice that performs as if alice knew bob s strategy .
in this section we find the values of @xmath133 and @xmath134 . without loss of generality , we assume that @xmath194 for all @xmath195 , where @xmath196 .
therefore @xmath197 is non - empty for all @xmath82 .
our main result is the following : [ thm : main - two - sided ] we have @xmath198 consider the game tables given in figure [ figcap2 ] where the numbers in the table are alice s payoff .
22[*alice*][*bob * ] @xmath3 & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & -1 & 0 + @xmath7 & 0 & 0 22[*alice*][*bob * ] @xmath8 & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & 0 & 0 + @xmath7 & 0 & -1 + 22[*alice*][*bob * ] & @xmath4 & @xmath5 + @xmath6 & -p & 0 + @xmath7 & 0 & -(1-p ) assume that bob knows the exact value of @xmath9 , while alice has no side information about @xmath9 .
the average table is also given in the figure .
one can easily obtain @xmath199 ( ( * ? ? ?
* sec . 3.2.5 . ) ) .
since @xmath200 is convex , the maximum value that alice can guarantee in expected value is @xmath201 .
however , since alice has no side information , we get @xmath202 which is strictly less than the expected value case unless @xmath203 .
a naive approach suggests that perhaps it is more beneficial for bob to play @xmath4 if @xmath11 , and play @xmath5 if @xmath12 .
however , note that in this case , alice after observing bob s actions realizes the true state and plays @xmath7 for @xmath11 , and @xmath6 for @xmath12 . while if bob chooses each column with probability @xmath16 independent of the state ( which is a completely non revealing strategy ) , then alice does not gain any information about the true state and should choose one row with probability half ( since she does not know where the @xmath204 is located ) .
this would guaruntee her a payoff of @xmath205 in high probability . on the other hand , for the expected payoff regime ,
the optimal average payoff of alice is @xmath206 , and this is obtained by bob playing the equilibrium strategy of the average table without using his knowledge of the state . before getting into the proof of this theorem in section [ sec - sub - l2 ] ,
we prove a few lemmas .
our first observation is that the values of @xmath134 and @xmath133 depend only on the support of @xmath207 .
[ lem : support - invariant ] assume @xmath128 and @xmath208 are two distributions on @xmath74 such that @xmath209
. then we have @xmath210 note that @xmath211 . therefore ,
if @xmath212 , then we have @xmath213 where @xmath214 is the minimum value of @xmath207 on its support .
then , we have @xmath215 } = \sum_s \tilde{p}(s ) { \mathbb{p } \left ( \sigma_n
< v|s \right ) } \leq \sum_s \tilde{p}(s ) \frac{\epsilon}{p_\text{min } } = \frac{\epsilon}{p_\text{min}},\ ] ] which could be made small enough by setting @xmath1 sufficiently small .
[ rem : vweak - vstrong - set - notation ] as a result of this lemma , for a subset @xmath216 we may use @xmath217 and @xmath218 as the value of @xmath219 and @xmath220 , respectively , for any distribution @xmath221 with @xmath222 .
in fact , @xmath217 and @xmath218 could be interpreted as values that alice can guarantee `` for each possible state in @xmath223 '' in the worst case regime . in the following lemma ,
we reduce the problem of finding @xmath134 and @xmath224 to the case where alice has zero side information about the game state and bob exactly knows its value .
we use the notations @xmath141 and @xmath143 from the previous section .
[ lem : reduction - one - side - information ] we have @xmath225 we first show that @xmath226 and similarly for @xmath227 . in other words , @xmath134 does not depend on @xmath130 and from alice s perspective , it is always as if bob knows the state perfectly . to show this , consider the following strategy for bob : he guesses the state @xmath9 randomly and proceeds assuming that his guess is the correct value for @xmath9 .
since the state space is finite , with a nonzero and constant probability his guess becomes true .
but since alice should guarantee with high probability , she can not neglect the constant probability of bob s guess becoming true .
therefore , her strategy should be for the worst case , guaranteeing her payoff conditioned on the event that bob s guess about the state is correct .
this completes the proof for @xmath228 .
it remains to show that @xmath229 and similarly for @xmath227 .
when alice receives a side information @xmath82 , any of the states in the set @xmath80 may have happened .
since alice has no further initial side information other than @xmath82 , we can assume that state space is reduced to @xmath80 with alice having zero side information .
then , @xmath230 would be the payoff that can be guaranteed in this case .
since alice should guarantee for any possible value of @xmath82 , the maximum payoff she can guarantee is @xmath231 . by lemma [ lem : reduction - one - side - information ] , we only need to show that @xmath232 since @xmath233 , it suffices to show the following two propositions : [ prop : lower - bound - final ] we have @xmath234 [ prop : uppernound ] we have @xmath235 to prove the above propositions , we first show a lemma : [ prop : lower - bound - sasl ] we have @xmath236 where @xmath237 is an auxiliary zero sum game in which bob chooses state @xmath76 ( the table @xmath70 ) from the set @xmath74 once and for all , and alice receives no side information , and then each player observes the history of the game ( expect that alice does not observe bob s action on choosing the table ) .
the game is played for @xmath13 stages .
the final payoff of alice is the average of her payoff in the @xmath13 subgames , according to the payoff table @xmath70 with @xmath76 chosen by bob in his first action .
note that @xmath237 is a repeated zero sum game with perfect recall , so using kuhn s theorem , we may consider behavioral strategies in a nash equilibrium of this game .
assume @xmath238 is the value of @xmath237 and @xmath239 be an equilibrium strategy for alice .
this means that for all strategy @xmath240 for bob , the expected value of alice by playing @xmath239 is at least @xmath20 .
now , we repeat game @xmath237 , @xmath241 times . hence , we have a game of size @xmath242 with @xmath241 blocks of length @xmath13 . at the beginning of each block ,
a new value for @xmath76 ( a new payoff table ) is chosen by bob and the game of length @xmath13 is played .
we call the state of block @xmath53 as @xmath243 and actions of this block by @xmath244}$ ] and @xmath245}$ ] for alice and bob , respectively . here
@xmath246 for @xmath247 , j\in[n]$ ] is the @xmath51-th action of alice in the block @xmath53 .
assume alice plays strategy @xmath239 in an i.i.d .
fashion in each block , which means that she plays action @xmath246 at block @xmath53 with probability @xmath248}_{[n ] } a^i_{[j-1 ] } b^{[i-1]}_{[n ] } b^i_{[j-1]}\right ) = \tilde{\alpha } \left ( a^i_j | a^i_{[j-1 ] } b^i_{[j-1 ] } \right).\ ] ] now we claim that playing this strategy by alice results in guaranteeing @xmath249 with high probability for her when @xmath241 is large enough . for doing so , assume that bob plays an arbitrary strategy in the game with length @xmath242 .
more precisely he chooses state @xmath250 for block @xmath53 with probability @xmath251 } a^{[i-1]}_{[n ] } b^{[i-1]}_{[n ] } \right),\ ] ] and action @xmath252 with probability @xmath253 } a^{[i-1]}_{[n ] } a^i_{[j-1 ] } b^{[i-1]}_{[n ] } b^i_{[j-1 ] } \right ) .\ ] ] now define the random variable @xmath254 to be @xmath255 which is the sum of the payoffs of alice in the first @xmath88 blocks , centered by the expected payoff .
now we claim that @xmath254 is submartingale with respect to @xmath256}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k]}$ ] .
note that @xmath257}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k ] } \right ] } = w_k + { \mathbb{e } \left [ \sum_{j=1}^n g_{s_{k+1 } } ( a^{k+1}_j , b^{k+1}_j ) \bigg | a^{[k]}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k ] } \right ] } - nv.\ ] ] now we claim that @xmath258}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k ] } \right ] } \geq nv.\ ] ] it suffices to show that for any realization of the history , @xmath259 } , a^{[k]}_{[n ] } b^{[k]}_{[n]}$ ] , the expected value is at least @xmath260 . to show this , note that for this specific realization of the history , the term inside the expectation is the sum of alice s payoff in a game @xmath261 where alice uses equilibrium strategy @xmath239 and bob uses strategy @xmath262 } a^{[k]}_{[n ] } b^{[k]}_{[n ] } \right ) , \ ] ] and @xmath263 } b^{k+1}_{[j-1 ] } ) = \beta \left ( b^{k+1}_j \bigg | s_{[k+1 ] } a^{[k]}_{[n ] } a^{k+1}_{[j-1 ] } b^{[k]}_{[n ] } b^{k+1}_{[j-1 ] } \right ) .\ ] ] since @xmath239 is an equilibrium strategy , for all strategy of bob including the above @xmath240 in block @xmath264 the expected value of alice s payoff is at least the value of the game . hence @xmath265}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k ] } \right ] } \geq nv \qquad \forall a^{[k]}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k]}.\ ] ] therefore @xmath258}_{[n ] } , b^{[k]}_{[n ] } , s_{[k ] } \right ] } \geq nv,\ ] ] substituting this into shows that @xmath254 is a submartingale .
note that @xmath266 where @xmath267 is an upper bound on payoffs .
now using azuma s inequality with @xmath268 we have @xmath269 setting @xmath270 for a @xmath271 , the above bound goes to zero with @xmath241 going to infinity .
therefore for @xmath241 large enough , with high probability we have @xmath272 or equivalently @xmath273 or @xmath274 where the last inequality holds with high probability for @xmath241 large enough . therefore , alice can guarantee payoff @xmath20 with high probability for the game with the game @xmath261 repeated @xmath241 times by playing @xmath239 i.i.d . next ,
observe that playing the same strategy by alice can guarantee her payoff @xmath275 for game @xmath276 for large enough @xmath241 .
the reason is that bob s strategies in @xmath276 is a subset of bob s strategies in the @xmath241 repetition of @xmath261 , as in the former bob chooses @xmath76 once at the beginning while in the latter , he is allowed to choose it at the beginning of each of the @xmath241 blocks .
finally , observe that alice can guarantee payoffs arbitrarily close to @xmath20 for game @xmath277 , as long as @xmath88 is large enough , even when @xmath88 is not of the product form @xmath278 for some @xmath241 .
let @xmath279 for some @xmath280 .
alice can play the above good strategy in stages @xmath18 through @xmath242 and plays arbitrarily in stage @xmath281 through @xmath282 . then
alice s gain in @xmath283 would be with high probability at least @xmath284 where @xmath267 is an upper bound on the gains .
the above value is greater than @xmath285 for @xmath241 large enough . to sum this up
, we have shown that there is a strategy for alice ( namely , i.i.d .
@xmath239 ) that guarantees payoff @xmath20 for alice , regardless of bob s strategy .
this implies that @xmath286 which is the first part of our claim in equation . now using minimax expression for the nash equilibrium we have @xmath287}\\ & = \min_{q(s ) } \min_{\beta(b_i | s , a_{[i-1 ] } , b_{[i-1 ] } ) } \max_{\alpha(a_i | a_{[i-1 ] } , b_{[i-1 ] } ) } \frac{1}{n } \sum_{i=1}^n { \mathbb{e } \left [ g_s(a_i , b_i ) \right ] } \\ & = \min_{q(s ) } { \mathbb{v}\left ( \gamma^{\emptyset , { \mathds{1}}}_n(q(s ) ) \right ) } , \end{split}\ ] ] where in the second equality we have split bob s ( behavioral ) strategy @xmath240 into two parts : first choosing the state , and then playing actions based on the chosen state and history of the game .
this completes the proof .
we have , @xmath288 where @xmath289 uses proposition [ prop : lower - bound - sasl ] ( which holds for all values of @xmath13 ) , @xmath290 uses theorem [ thm : zamir - side - information - on - one - side ] , @xmath291 uses the fact that the constant @xmath150 is independent of @xmath58 and @xmath292 uses the fact that the minimum of the convex hull of the function is the same as the minimum of the function itself .
since this holds for all values of @xmath13 , the result is proved simply by sending @xmath13 to infinity . from equation
, we have that @xmath293 for any distribution @xmath207 , using lemma [ lem : support - invariant ] and remark [ rem : vweak - vstrong - set - notation ] , we have @xmath294 , since @xmath295 .
now we claim that @xmath296 . in order to do so ,
assume @xmath20 is a value that alice can weakly guarantee when the state is generated from distribution @xmath58 , @xmath297 and @xmath298 .
therefore , due to the definition , for any @xmath19 , with @xmath13 large enough , for any strategy @xmath299 for bob in @xmath300 , there exists an strategy @xmath301 for alice such that @xmath212 .
assume bob plays the equilibrium strategy of @xmath302 , iid in @xmath13 games .
then since initially neither alice nor bob have any side information about the state , they do not gain any extra information by observing each other s strategies .
now , looking at the game at stage @xmath88 , since bob is playing his equilibrium strategy , @xmath303 } \leq { \mathfrak{u } \ ! \left ( p \right ) } $ ] .
hence , @xmath119 } = { \mathbb{e } \left [ \frac{1}{n } \sum_{i=1}^n g_s(a_i , b_i ) \right ] } \leq { \mathfrak{u } \
! \left ( p \right ) } .\ ] ] on the other hand , @xmath212 implies @xmath121 } \geq v(1-\epsilon)$ ] . this together with the above inequality we have @xmath304 . since @xmath1 was arbitrary , @xmath305 and thus @xmath306 .
since @xmath58 was arbitrary , by taking minimum over @xmath58 we get @xmath307 substituting this into finishes the proof .
in this section , we provide an application of the high probability framework .
this section assumes a background in information theory .
consider an avc channel with a legitimate sender / receiver and also an adversary .
assume that the channel has a state @xmath9 which is partially known to the encoder / decoder and the adversary ( imperfect csi ) .
communication channel is a conditional probability distribution @xmath308 where @xmath309 is the encoder s input on the channel , @xmath310 is adversary s input on the channel , @xmath76 is the channel state and @xmath311 is the output at the decoder .
we assume that @xmath312 and @xmath9 take values in finite sets @xmath313 and @xmath74 , respectively .
we assume that the state @xmath9 is chosen from a distribution @xmath128 .
encoder and decoder both have the same side information @xmath314 about @xmath9 , while the adversary has a side information @xmath36 about it .
we assume that the channel state is chosen once and for all and remains unchanged during the consecutive uses of the channel ( slow fading ) . however , we assume that the channel noise in @xmath308 is independent in different channel uses , _
i.e. , _ @xmath315}|x_{[n ] } , a_{[n ] } , s)=\prod_{i=1}^np(y_i|x_i , a_i , s)$ ] . furthermore , as before without loss of generality we assume that @xmath314 and @xmath36 are functions of @xmath9 , _
i.e. , _ @xmath316 and @xmath78 .
we assume that @xmath317 for all @xmath318 .
adversary observes the history of the game at any stage @xmath53 , _
i.e. , _ inputs put on the channel by the encoder @xmath319}$ ] .
likewise , we assume that both the encoder and decoder observe adversary s input on the channel @xmath86}$ ] .
therefore , this is a communication problem with feedback .
we assume that encoder and decoder have access to unlimited private shared randomness , unknown to the adversary , allowing them to use randomized algorithms .
a @xmath320 code consists of strategies for encoding as well as strategies for decoding .
the encoder wants to reliably send a message @xmath267 in @xmath321 via @xmath13 uses of the channel , while the adversary wants to prevent this from happening .
more specifically , at stage @xmath53 , the encoder creates input @xmath42 using the message @xmath267 , its side information @xmath314 , its shared randomness @xmath322 , as well as @xmath319 } , a_{[i-1]}$ ] previous transmissions by himself and the adversary .
therefore the encoder s strategy is to assign a probability to each symbol in @xmath323 given the history of the game .
hence , @xmath324 } , a_{[i-1 ] } , s_x , m , k)$ ] which is the encoding strategy , determines the probability of encoder generating .
adversary has also a strategy , which we denote by the conditional pmf @xmath325 } , a_{[i-1 ] } , s_a , k_a)$ ] where @xmath326 denotes private randomness of adversary ; it determines the probability of choosing @xmath112 as the input of the adversary , the history of the game and adversary s side information . at the decoder side
, we find an @xmath327 given @xmath328 } , a_{[n ] } , k$ ] ; thus we are assuming that receiver observes @xmath329}$ ] as well as adversary s inputs to the channel .
the side information at the decoder is assumed to be @xmath314 which is the same as the one at the encoder .
a rate @xmath6 is called achievable if for @xmath330 , there is some @xmath331 such that for any @xmath332 , we can design encoding / decoding strategies such that independent of adversary s strategy , the probability of error , _ i.e. , _ @xmath333 is smaller than @xmath1 .
the supremum over all the achievable rates is called the capacity of the channel and is denoted by @xmath150 .
our goal is to find @xmath150 .
figure [ fig : avc - model ] depicts our channel model .
following the common assumption in the game theory literature , we assume that both encoder / decoder and adversary know each other s strategies . as in a repeated game with incomplete information
, there is a tradeoff for both encoder and adversary to use or hide their side information about the channel state .
= [ rounded corners , fill = blue!20,draw = blue!50,very thick ] = [ decoration = markings , mark = at position 0.999 with , postaction = decorate , shorten > = 0.4pt ] ( -1,-0.5 ) rectangle ( 1,0.5 ) ; at ( 0,0 ) @xmath334 ; ( -2,0 ) ( -1,0 ) ; ( 1,0 ) ( 4,0 ) ; at ( -1.5,0.3 ) @xmath42 ; at ( 1.5,0.3 ) @xmath41 ; ( -4,-0.5 ) rectangle ( -2,0.5 ) ; at ( -3,0 ) encoder ; ( 4,-0.5 ) rectangle ( 6,0.5 ) ; at ( 5,0 ) decoder ; ( -6,0 ) ( -4,0 ) ; at ( -5.5,0.3 ) @xmath267 ; ( 6,0 ) ( 7,0 ) ; at ( 6.5,0.3 ) @xmath327 ; for proving the converse , assume that the adversary puts its inputs i.i.d .
, from an input distribution @xmath342 independent of all its observations and its side information about the state
. then for a fixed value of state @xmath76 , we have a point to point channel with input @xmath50 and output @xmath343 .
the encoder receives the side information @xmath344 ; no further information about @xmath9 is revealed to him during the transmission , since adversary s input is independent of the state .
therefore , with the observation @xmath345 at the encoder and decoder , we have a classical memoryless compound channel with input @xmath50 , output @xmath343 and state @xmath9 with the conditional pmf @xmath346 .
the capacity of this compound channel is ( * ? ? ?
* theorem 7.1 ) @xmath347 therefore @xmath348 where @xmath289 results from the minimax theorem and the fact that @xmath349 is concave in @xmath350 and convex in @xmath207 . since the above holds for all @xmath318 and also for all @xmath207 , @xmath351 since @xmath352 for all @xmath318 .
this completes the proof of the converse . before specifying the encoder and decoder
, we define an auxiliary repeated game with incomplete information as follows : take @xmath353 to be a finite subset of the probability simplex @xmath354 over the input alphabet @xmath323 .
the game has two players : encoder / decoder ( which we call encoder for the sake of simplicity ) and adversary .
the action set of encoder is @xmath353 and the action set of adversary is @xmath67 .
the one stage game has @xmath355 tables for each state of the channel . in payoff table corresponding to @xmath69 , when encoder chooses action @xmath356 and adversary chooses action @xmath357 , payoff @xmath358 for @xmath359 is assigned to the encoder ( and its negative is assigned to the adversary ) . in the following , instead of
writing @xmath360 , we use @xmath361 in order to emphasize the dependence on @xmath362 . then this game is repeated @xmath13 times , and the total payoff function of encoder would be the sum of its individual payoffs from the @xmath13 games .
further , we assume that the encoder and adversary receive @xmath314 and @xmath36 as their side information at the beginning of the game .
we call this game @xmath110 .
assume that @xmath133 is the maximum value encoder can guarantee with high probability in the auxiliary game @xmath110 .
we claim that any rate @xmath363 is achievable for the original compound - avc problem .
take some @xmath364 such that @xmath365 .
assume the strategy of encoder for strongly guaranteeing @xmath364 is @xmath366 .
thus , @xmath367 } , \pi_{[i-1]})$ ] denotes the probability the encoder chooses distribution @xmath368 at stage @xmath53 given his observations up to that time . adopting @xmath366 ,
the gain of the encoder in @xmath110 is at least @xmath364 with high probability when @xmath13 is large enough .
* codebook generation : * a codebook of @xmath369 codewords of length @xmath13 can be illustrated by a table of size @xmath370 where row index indicates the message and columns indicate time steps .
encoder and decoder _ dynamically _ construct the @xmath370 table , column by column , during the transmission process by running the auxiliary game in parallel .
in other words , the column @xmath53 of the codebook ( which is needed to make the @xmath53-th transmission ) is created after time step @xmath371 as follows : the symbols in the @xmath53-th column of the codebook table are generated independently from distribution @xmath368 of the auxiliary game ( _ i.e. , _
@xmath369 i.i.d .
samples from @xmath368 are generated and put in the @xmath53-th column of the table ) .
note that since encoder and decoder have infinite shared randomness , they can use their shared randomness to simultaneously generate the codebook ( _ i.e. , _ the randomness needed to draw samples from @xmath13 i.i.d .
samples from @xmath368 comes from the shared randomness between the encoder and decoder ) .
the encoder and decoder are synchronized as the decoder observes @xmath105}$ ] and knows @xmath314 . *
encoding : * having message
@xmath241 , the encoder sends the symbols from the @xmath241-th row of the codebook table that is being dynamically constructed during the transmission process . to write down the joint pmf that this encoding strategy implies ,
let @xmath372 denote adversary s strategy in the compound - avc problem , _
i.e. , _ let @xmath373 } , x_{[i-1 ] } , k_a)$ ] be the probability that adversary chooses @xmath112 at stage @xmath53 where @xmath374 is encoder s input on the channel at stage @xmath53 and @xmath326 is adversary s private randomness .
then , the joint distribution of variables in the problem when the state of the channel is @xmath76 and the message @xmath241 is @xmath375 } , a_{[i-1 ] } ) p^a(a_i | s_a , a_{[i-1 ] } , x_{[i-1]}(m ) , k_a ) \\&\times \left ( \prod_{j=1}^{2^{nr } } \pi_i(x_i(j ) ) \right ) p(y_i | x_i(m ) , s , a_i)\end{aligned}\ ] ] * decoding : * the decoder has access to @xmath107}$ ] , @xmath376}$ ] .
also note that @xmath368 is generated from the strategy @xmath366 , @xmath314 , @xmath377}$ ] and @xmath105}$ ] which are all known to the decoder .
also as was mentioned above , since we use random strategies in the repeated game , @xmath368 is a random function of the observations .
however , since encoder and decoder have access to shared randomness , they can use it to come up with the same @xmath368 and apply the strategy simultaneously .
also since encoder and decoder have shared randomness , the decoder knows the codebook . for @xmath362 and @xmath310 in finite sets @xmath378 and @xmath59 respectively , define @xmath379 to be the set of indexes @xmath380 where encoder s distribution is @xmath362 and adversary s input is @xmath310 , _
@xmath381 then in the decoder , assume the sequence @xmath376}$ ] is received .
the receiver declares that message @xmath382 has been sent if @xmath383 } , a_{[n]}),\ ] ] where @xmath384 is the number of indexes @xmath53 where @xmath385 and @xmath386 ; the set @xmath387 includes jointly typical sequences from @xmath388 and @xmath389 of length @xmath390 according to @xmath391 ; and finally @xmath392 } , a_{[n ] } ) = \left \ { s \in { \mathcal{s } } : \frac{1}{n } \sum_{i=1}^n i(\pi_i;y|a_i , s ) \geq \tilde r \right \},\ ] ] * analysis of error : * because the codebook is constructed symmetrically , without loss of generality we assume that @xmath393 .
we have two types of errors , the first one denoted by @xmath394 happens when @xmath395 does not satisfy and @xmath396 happens when for some @xmath397 , is satisfied . for analyzing the first error ,
assume that @xmath398 has happened .
first note that since encoder s strategy guarantees @xmath364 , we have @xmath399 and hence @xmath400 } , a_{[n ] } ) \right ) } \geq 1 - \epsilon .
$ ] so we can assume that @xmath401 } , a_{[n ] } ) .
$ ] hence , in order to show that @xmath395 satisfies , we shall show that with high probability @xmath402 in the above expression @xmath403 is the real state of the channel and @xmath404 and @xmath405 be the side informations .
iin the remaining we condition everything on @xmath406 and at times , we do not state this explicitly in our expressions for the sake of simplicity .
note that since adversary s input at stage @xmath53 , @xmath31 is dependent on @xmath319}$ ] , then we can not say that @xmath407 are i.i.d . from distribution @xmath362 .
for instance , if @xmath408 , then conditioned on our observations on adversary , the distribution on input is changed .
hence , we can not employ standard lln type argument to show that the first error type vanishes .
instead , define @xmath409 where @xmath410 is the number of times @xmath411 has happened up to stage @xmath53 . note that in the above definition , @xmath412 are fixed values and not random quantities .
similarly @xmath413 also define @xmath414 .
now we claim that @xmath415 is a martingale with respect to @xmath416 } : = a_{[i ] } \pi_{[i ] } x_{[i ] } y_{[i]}k_a$ ] which is the history of the events up to stage @xmath53 . to see that note , @xmath417 } \right ] } & = w_i + { \mathbb{e } \left [ { \mathds{1}\left [ { a_{i+1 } = a , \pi_{i+1 } = \pi , x_{i+1 } = x , y_{i+1 } = y } \right ] } \big| h_{[i ] } \right ] } \\ &
\qquad - { \mathbb{e } \left [ { \mathds{1}\left [ { a_{i+1 } = a , \pi_{i+1 } = \pi } \right ] } \pi(x ) p(y|x , a , s^ * ) \big| h_{[i ] } \right ] } \\ & = w_i + p^a(a|s_a^ * , a_{[i ] } , x_{[i ] } , k_a ) p^e(\pi |s^*_x , a_{[i ] } , \pi_{[i ] } ) \pi(x ) p(y|x , a , s^ * ) \\ & \qquad - \pi(x ) p(y|x , a , s^ * ) p^a(a|s^*_a , a_{[i ] } , x_{[i ] } , k_a ) p^e(\pi |s^*_x , a_{[i ] } , \pi_{[i ] } ) \\ & = w_i , \end{split}\ ] ] where in the second equality we have used the fact that the expected value of an indicator function is the probability of its corresponding event . hence , as was claimed , @xmath415 is a martingale . also note that @xmath418 } - { \mathds{1}\left [ { a_i = a , \pi_i = \pi } \right ] } \pi(x ) p(y|a , x , s ) \big
| \leq 1.\ ] ] therefore using azuma s inequality for @xmath419 , we have @xmath420 which goes to zero as @xmath13 goes to infinity .
hence , for @xmath13 large enough with high probability we have @xmath421 this statement is true for all @xmath422 which form a finite set .
therefore , we can take @xmath13 large enough so that the above expression is true wit high probability for all values of @xmath412 . now , if @xmath423 we have @xmath424 which shows that is satisfied and the first type error vanishes as @xmath13 goes to infinity .
now we analyze the second type of error .
we condition the second error on @xmath425 } = \pi_{[n]}$ ] and @xmath338 } = a_{[n]},y_{[n ] } = y_{[n]}$ ] .
define @xmath426 for @xmath382 to be the event where @xmath382 satisfies .
note that since the adversary does not observe @xmath427}(\hat{m})$ ] for @xmath428 , unlike the first type of error , it can not establish correlation between them .
thus , conditioned on @xmath429}$ ] , @xmath427}(\hat{m})$ ] are independent and @xmath430 is generated from @xmath368
. therefore for @xmath431 } , a_{[n]})$ ] , we can use packing lemma ( * ? ? ?
* lemma 3.1 ) . using the independence among blocks @xmath379 , for some @xmath432 where @xmath433 we have @xmath434 for some @xmath435 that converges to zero as @xmath1 converges to zero . now using the independence of the above events , we have @xmath436
now since the mutual information is bounded and the terms corresponding to those @xmath437 that do not appear in the above expression have length less than @xmath438 , and the set of possible @xmath432 is finite , there is a bounded constant @xmath439 such that @xmath440 where the last inequality uses the assumption @xmath431 } , a_{[n]})$ ] . therefore using union bound @xmath441 the above value goes to zero as @xmath13 goes to infinity by appropriate choice of @xmath1 since @xmath442 . in the rest of the proof , we use theorem [ thm : main - two - sided ] to find the value of @xmath133 .
we need to first find @xmath302 , which is the game value for the average payoff table @xmath443 .
thus , @xmath444 writing @xmath50 instead of its distribution @xmath362 for convenience we have @xmath445 where the joint distribution of the variables is @xmath446 .
since @xmath447 and @xmath9 are independent , we have @xmath448 using theorem [ thm : main - two - sided ] , we have @xmath449 in the above argument , the set @xmath353 is a finite and arbitrary subset of distributions on @xmath323 . now the only thing which remains to show is that by appropriate choice of finite set @xmath353 we can get arbitrarily close to the target value in . in order to do so ,
define function @xmath55 as @xmath450 where the joint distribution is @xmath451 .
this function is continuous on the product of compact spaces which is compact itself .
therefore , @xmath55 is uniformly continuous .
hence , since the set of distributions on @xmath323 is compact , for every given , @xmath330 , there is a finite covering @xmath353 of @xmath354 where for all @xmath452 , there exists @xmath453 such that for all @xmath454 @xmath455 therefore by appropriate choice of finite set @xmath353 we can get within any @xmath1 to the target value in .
s. zamir . .
in robert aumann and sergiu hart , editors , _ _ , volume 1 of _ handbook of game theory with economic applications _ ,
pages 109154 .
elsevier , 1992 .
url : http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/s1574000505800086 , http://dx.doi.org/10.1016/s1574-0005(05)80008-6 [ ] . | arxiv |
recently there has been increased research interest in the polarization effects of light in scattering disordered media .
@xcite light scattering was considered both in theory @xcite and in experiment .
@xcite this is mainly because of possibility for light localization .
@xcite so far only weak localization has been observed @xcite probably due to the vector nature of light .
@xcite at the same time medium magnetization provides additional peculiarities in the scattering properties .
for example , there is a photonic hall effect in magnetic media .
@xcite magnetic field could lead to light localization in a cold - atom gas .
@xcite there are multiple papers that study influence of magnetization on coherent backscattering .
it was demonstrated that coherent backscattering decreases with magnetization increase due to the faraday effect .
@xcite albedo problem is considered in case of strong @xcite and small @xcite magnetooptical effects in comparison with disorder fluctuations .
one of the most popular systems under investigation is represented by magnetic metal
dielectric nanostructures .
@xcite such material leads to faraday effect enhancement due to the scattering .
@xcite media with natural optical activity as well as magneto optical media were studied in paper .
@xcite the classical model of light scattering ignores phase and polarization correlation on distances longer than the mean free path . the elastic scattering in macroscopic samples is considered as diffusion .
but in many cases the interference between scattered light can not be omitted .
this fact highlights the need for well described theoretical approach .
key quantity for theoretical description of light propagation is a spatial field correlation matrix @xcite .
it is connected with observable quantities @xcite .
the correlation matrix can be used to determine stokes parameters @xcite and speckle pattern .
@xcite theoretical description of faraday rotation in scattering media was demonstrated in paper .
@xcite in the present paper we are going beyond this model .
we propose a theoretical description for light scattering in infinite disordered magnetic media without absorption accurate to the ladder diagram .
@xcite we do nt consider sub - leading correction of maximally - crossed diagrams which is important for the backscattering .
results are demonstrated up to the linear approximation on gyration . in uncorrelated nonmagnetic disordered medium
only parallel field correlation components exist . in the magnetic medium the correlation matrix acquires nonzero nondiagonal elements .
in other words the magnetooptical interaction leads to correlation of perpendicularly polarized components of scattered light at two different points .
nondiagonal part of the field correlation matrix is antisymmetric
. strict consideration of magnetooptical effect in scattering medium was demonstrated up to first order on gyration .
the paper is organized as follows . in sec .
[ theory ] we introduce the theoretical model of light propagation in a disordered magnetic medium .
we briefly present the way of obtaining the electric field correlation matrix .
results obtained by this approach for different medium magnetization directions are shown in sec .
[ results ] .
[ conclusion ] is devoted to discussion and conclusion .
electric field @xmath0 in a bulk medium , characterized by @xmath1 , is described by the helmholtz equation . @xmath2 where @xmath3 , @xmath4 kronecker symbol , @xmath5 is light wave vector in vacuum
, @xmath6 is wave frequency , @xmath7 is speed of light , @xmath8 is electric current .
summation by repeated symbols is assumed here and elsewhere further . in the simplest case of a non magnetic and homogeneous medium
the dielectric tensor is a diagonal matrix . in the magnetic medium
the dielectric tensor takes the form : @xmath9 where @xmath10 is diagonal part of dielectric tensor , @xmath11 is levi - civita tensor , @xmath12 is gyration proportional related to the medium magnetization . henceforth for simplicity ,
we assume that @xmath13 .
this case could be simply generalized by rescaling the relative dielectric tensor .
the helmhotz equation can be solved by the green function method .
the green function is the solution of equation with @xmath14-function in the right side : @xmath15 in that way electric field for arbitrary source can be expressed by : @xmath16 retarded green function for the magnetic medium in the reciprocal space @xmath17 is given by : @xmath18^{-1 } , \end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath19 is unit vector along wave vector @xmath17 , @xmath20 is retarded green function in the reciprocal space , @xmath21 is connected to right ( @xmath22 ) and left ( @xmath23 ) circular polarizations of scattered light .
such structure of the green function with projectors @xmath24 on right ( left ) circular polarization is caused by the magnetooptical interaction .
the sign before @xmath25 in the denominator of @xmath26 is selected to obtain only outgoing waves .
let us consider a magnetic medium with disorder .
the disorder is given by a small fluctuation @xmath27 of the dielectric tensor i.e. we add a diagonal term to @xmath28 in .
the disorder model is a white noise : @xmath29 where @xmath30 means averaging by the gaussian disorder distribution and @xmath31 is elastic mean free path of the medium . in equation the approximate retarded green function is shown . indeed
, accurate retarted green function contains of longitudinal part which is connected to the nontransversality @xcite . in work
@xcite it was demonstrated that in nonmagnetic medium with optically anisotropic inclusions the longitudinal part of electric field is proportional to the @xmath32 . in our case if light propagates along the gyration vector @xmath33 then its longitudinal electric field component is absent .
@xcite however if light propagates perpendicular to the gyration vector @xmath34 then the longitudinal component gives only @xmath35 terms in green function .
consideration of multiple scattered events on sparse inclusions in bourret approximation @xcite ( i.e. in the first order on @xmath36 ) results in substitution of @xmath25 by @xmath37 in the green function : @xcite @xmath38^{-1}.\ ] ] the field correlation matrix @xmath39 is defined by : @xmath40 it can be described by bethe - salpeter equation which in the ladder approximation @xcite reads : @xmath41 we assume that the light source is a point dipole with a dipole moment @xmath42 located at @xmath43 : @xmath44 equation can be solved in reciprocal space by the fourier transform on variables @xmath45 and @xmath46 with dual variables in the reciprocal space , correspondingly , @xmath47 and @xmath48 ( see fig . [
fig : detectors ] ) .
is at a distance @xmath49 from the detectors middle point .
the detectors at points @xmath50 and @xmath51 are separated by a distance @xmath52 .
hereinafter @xmath53 . ]
the first step is to solve the bethe - salpeter equation with @xmath54 : @xmath55 where @xmath56 we can find @xmath57 by obtaining eigenvalues and eigenvectors @xmath58 : @xmath59 next step is to solve equation for @xmath60 : @xmath61 where @xmath62 is unit vector along wave vector @xmath47 . without loss of generality , we suppose that the source is a point dipole oriented along @xmath63-axis . in such a way the correlation matrix in reciprocal space is : @xmath64 finally we have to find the inverse fourier transform of .
the fourier transform of @xmath65 made only on @xmath66 , @xmath67 , is a local density matrix of the radiation with wave vector @xmath47 .
thereby we introduce quantity @xmath68 by integration @xmath67 on the absolute value of @xmath47 : @xmath69 it is proportional to the light intensity .
further we will consider the following approximation : @xmath70 it corresponds to the situation when the light source is located far from the detectors @xmath71 , elastic scattering plays the main role and the magnetooptical effect can be considered as a small correction .
linear on gyration contribution comes from eigenvectors of @xmath72 .
as was discovered earlier @xcite the eigenvalues contain only @xmath35 terms .
the eigenvectors compution is rather complicated task .
only recently eigenvectors without gyration were found up to @xmath73 .
@xcite for analytic analysis of linear on gyration contribution we take into account only largest @xmath74terms that are @xmath75 . further details about approximate solution of bethe - salpeter equation could be found in the appendix [ bssolving ] .
let us assume that observation points are along @xmath63-axis : @xmath76 .
we consider two magnetization directions : @xmath77 ( @xmath78 ) and @xmath79 ( @xmath80 ) .
normalized quantity @xmath81 , where @xmath82= \frac{k_0 \zeta } { 8 \pi ^2 r}$ ] , does not depend on the distance from the light source .
we obtain the same diagonal elements for both gyration orientations : @xmath83 this diagonal elements have no magnetooptical contribution and coincide with the result with zero gyration @xcite ( see fig .
[ fig : speckle1 ] ) .
however there are nonzero nondiagonal elements proportional to @xmath84 ( fig .
[ fig : speckle2 ] ) .
for @xmath77 they are : @xmath85
while for @xmath79 : @xmath86 is oriented along the @xmath63-axis .
@xmath87 shows the correlation between @xmath0 and @xmath88 components on the detectors .
we assume that the mean free path @xmath89 .
the distance between the detectors is normalized on wavelength . ]
is oriented along the @xmath63-axis .
@xmath87 shows the correlation between @xmath0 and @xmath88 components on the detectors .
yellow line corresponds to the normalized nonzero element of the correlation matrix divided by @xmath90 when gyration is directed parallel to @xmath66 .
red line corresponds to the normalized nonzero element of the correlation matrix divided by @xmath91 when gyration is directed perpendicular to @xmath66 .
we assume that the mean free path @xmath89 .
the distance between the detectors is normalized on wavelength . ]
if @xmath92 only two nondiagonal components @xmath93 are nonzero
. however , for @xmath94 only @xmath95 are nonzero and decays faster .
to conclude , we have theoretically investigated light scattering in a magnetic medium with uncorrelated inclusions .
the spatial field correlation matrix with ladder approximation is used for light propagation description , so only two - particle interactions are considered .
the approximation of the distant light source , when the distance from the source @xmath49 is much larger than the elastic scattering mean free path , is taken into account up to the order @xmath75 .
the magnetooptical interaction is described by terms linear in gyration .
the distance between the detectors @xmath52 is assumed much smaller than the distance to the source .
here we studied the correlation matrix dependency on direction and amplitude of the sample magnetization .
explicit calculations of the eigenvalues and eigenvectors were performed in degenerate perturbation theory as it was previously suggested for nonmagnetic medium in .
@xcite the first
order magnetooptical effect correction was found .
nonzero values of the nondiagonal field
correlation matrix components are found .
such components are responsible for correlation of the perpendicular polarizations of the scattered light between different points
. influence of the magnetization direction on correlation of light polarization is demonstrated .
this work extends the understanding of light behavior in magnetic scattering medium .
the correlation between perpendicular polarizations of light opens the possibility to develop time reversal
noninvariant systems based on magnetooptical effects enhanced by scattering .
@xcite rigorous theory of light scattering in the presence of a magnetic field may lead to better understanding of ferrofluids magnetooptics .
@xcite moreover , it might be interesting for study of light scattering in magnetoplasmonic structures .
@xcite further investigation in this area may go in different directions .
first of all , this theory can be applied to various forms of scattering media : scatterers with anisotropic dielectric tensor or inhomogeneous gyration .
secondly instead of infinite medium it is possible to consider half
space or slab geometries .
additional development allows to obtain better theoretical model up to orders of @xmath73 and @xmath96 .
also it is possible to extend theory to account backscattered light which requires consideration of maximally crossed diagrams .
we are grateful to andrey kalish and ilya pusenkov for numerous useful discussions .
this work was supported in part by the russian foundation for basic research ( grant n 16 - 02 - 01065 ) .
the work of r.n . was supported by the russian science foundation ( grant no .
16 - 42 - 01035 ) .
first , we have to compute the @xmath72-tensor from equation . with the aim to compute a result in the analytic form we have to choose certain limited orders in small parameters of our problem .
we can compute the @xmath72-tensor at least in orders @xmath97 and @xmath98 but eigenvectors getting is a rather difficult computational task .
this can be done in the degenerate perturbation theory .
main contribution in the small parameter @xmath99 is @xmath100 .
it rises only from one eigenvalue of the @xmath72-tensor : @xmath101 .
this eigenvalue has only second order gyration correction .
we neglect such term assuming that @xmath102 . but @xmath72-tensor eigenvectors have first order in gyration corrections . for their accounting
we assume that @xmath103 .
thus we have the following relations of small parameters of our problem : @xmath104 .
detailed computation of @xmath58 with @xmath105 terms but without gyration can be founded in vynck et al @xcite . to obtain @xmath72 with nonzero gyration
we compute integral on module @xmath106 by residue theorem .
after that we can expand @xmath72 because @xmath107 and take angular integral . to compute eigenvectors for the first order of gyration we use the degenerate perturbation theory . since @xmath72 with gyration is a non - symmetric matrix right and left eigenvectors must be distinguished .
we use only eigenvectors which correspond to unit eigenvalue and coincide . for arbitrary gyration orientation : @xmath108 after computation @xmath109 from we can obtain @xmath110 .
we are interested in @xmath111 term which is located only in @xmath109 .
consequently , we can neglect first term of @xmath112 and @xmath113-dependence of the green function .
from @xmath109 we can find @xmath114 : @xmath115 summation by repeated symbols is assumed here . in nondiagonal elements there are two distinct contributions of the orders @xmath116 and @xmath117 .
we neglect @xmath118-order term due to relation @xmath119 .
inverse fourier transform of @xmath113-depended part of the correlation matrix proportional to @xmath120 .
fourier transform from the @xmath106-space to @xmath52-space leads to . | arxiv |
Delocalised electron in graphite
I have a question regarding the delocalised electron in graphite. There has been conflicting information between books.
Some books said the delocalised electron in graphite exists $\bf{between}$ layers.
Some said the delocalised electron in graphite exists $\bf{within}$ the hexagonal layer.
I support the second statement, because carbon has electronic configuration of 1s2 2s2 2p2. Graphite has sp2, therefore leaves 1 p orbital. And the giant pi bond should be extended over the layer, instead of between.
I am not sure my evidence is sound.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
It's just a matter of definition. If a "layer" is understood as an infinitely thin plane passing through the centers of carbon atoms, then the electron density of the huge delocalized $\pi$ orbital is located above and below that plane, i.e., technically **between** layers. If a layer is defined so as to include whole atoms, then the said orbital is **within** layer.
In any case, the delocalized electrons are more or less "free" to move along the planes and **not** perpendicular to them, which explains the high anisotropy in electrical conductance and other properties of graphite.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Pride and Prejudice Dignity and Dexterity
Dignity and Dexterity: a Tale of Pride and Prejudice
Author E. L. Bennet
Authors Note on the Text: This is my version of Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. I am taking many liberties with this story. It is set in present time in a college that I made up. Disclaimer: I make no money from this, I do not pretend to be as great a writer as Jane Austen, I simply have a soft spot for her work – not the movie. I am not a fan of the new movie, however I am a fan of the A&E version. Anywho, I will use a few choice lines from the original text – it's not plagiarism. That done, please read and enjoy!
The Anouncement…
"Are you kidding me!" The shriek came from a young woman sitting at a table a few feet away from mine. A young man was down on one knee, ring in hand, a horrified expression on his face. She got up and ran.
That was exactly why I have said I will not date until after college. Too young, too stupid – too many things that I want to do.
"Elizabeth!" another shriek stirred the usually quiet courtyard of the dorms at Byron College. I welcomed this shriek, for it was that of my best friend since junior high school, Jane Meryton.
She rushed to the table where I sat. "Elizabeth," she said, catching her breath. "You will not believe… who just transferred here!"
I sighed and put down my book. "I'm sure I won't."
"Charles and Caroline Bingley!"
The Bingleys were royalty. Well, sort of. They were from England, yes, but their father was knighted… that's really their only tie to real royalty. None the less, everyone was infatuated with Charles and his many girlfriends and Caroline and her obsession with one of Charles' friends – I wasn't quite sure what his name was at the time, I only knew that he was rich and slightly famous as well. They were the British social elite. What the hell were they doing in Camarillo, California?
It was a well known fact that Byron College, a liberal arts college, was one of the smallest west of the Mississippi River. You would think if British socialites were looking for education they would, first, attend Oxford, and if that wasn't to their liking, they would go to Yale, or Harvard. Why a small college in a farm town in California?
"I just heard that they didn't want anyone to know where they were going to be, so they found the smallest college they could find and enrolled! They just got in today- and guess what! Caroline is going to be in our suite!" Jane was bursting with excitement. I tried to return it, but I was feeling less than enthusiastic. There were already three of us in that suite, and that was one too many.
Our accommodations were not lavish, but neither were they crap. It was a two-bedroom suite with a common room with a couch and little kitchenette. I shared my room with Jane and our other roommate, Lydia, had her own room. It wasn't that she particularly wanted her own room – we just didn't want to live with her. She was petty and materialistic. I had no doubt that she and Caroline Bingley would get along very well.
"Charles Bingley!" a faculty passerby exclaimed to her friend. "What a fine thing for our girls!"
Fine indeed.
End file.
| fanfiction |
gravitational lensing ( gl ) signifies the deflection of electromagnetic waves .
light propagates in empty space along a straight line .
the well - known theory of general relativity ( gr ) predicts that light will be bent if an object with a certain gravitational field is interposed in the light path . in literature
, gl has been used to study highly redshifted galaxies , quasars , supermassive black holes , exoplanets , dark matter candidates , primordial gravitational wave signatures , etc . , @xcite .
in @xmath1 , soldner was the first person who calculated the bending angle of light by using newtonian mechanics @xcite . in @xmath2 , einstein derived the same soldner s result by using the equivalence principle and minkowski metric , unaffected by gravity @xcite .
this marks the beginning of our modern understanding of gl . in 1915 , einstein derived the new solar light deflection angle that was double from the previous value due to the effect of the spacetime curvature @xcite .
eddington in @xmath3 , confirmed the prediction of einstein during the solar eclipse @xcite . in @xmath4
, zwicky estimated the gravitational lens effect can be observed @xcite . in @xmath5 ,
walsh , weymann and carswell used zwicky s work and discovered the first example of gl in which they obtained the first multiple images of a binary quasar ( qso
@xmath6 ) @xcite . in 1959 , darwin calculated the light deflection angle due to a strong gravitational field using the schwarzschild metric @xcite .
another significant work involved the deflection angle and intensities for the images formed due to the schwarzschild black hole in terms of elliptic integrals of the first kind @xcite .
considering the schwarzschild black hole for the strong gl , virbhadra and ellis obtained the lens equation and introduced a method to calculate the bending angle .
they also studied the lensing problem for the galactic supermassive black hole numerically @xcite .
while studying gl with the schwarzschild black hole in the strong field limit , the bending angle was also evaluated analogous to the weak field limit . besides the weak field limit of relativistic images , magnifications and critical curves formulas
were also formulated @xcite .
bozza treated the strong lensing phenomenon by a spherically symmetric black hole , where an infinite sequence of higher order images are formed @xcite and later on extended for a spinning black hole @xcite .
one of the first important studies about a cosmological constant relativistic bending angle was done by rindler and ishak where they showed that for a schwartzschild de sitter geometry , the cosmological constant does not contribute to the bending angle @xcite .
another important application of relativistic bending angle techniques were used to determine a limit in the cosmological constant by using the bending of light through galaxies and clusters of galaxies @xcite .
about two decades ago , a very important astronomical observation ( using supernovae type ia ) suggested that the universe is in a state of an accelerated expansion @xcite .
this study was a revolution in physics and the dark energy was named to be responsible for this accelerating scenario .
cosmologists proposed different models in order to explain this strange behaviour of the universe such as the @xmath7cmd model ( with a state parameter of @xmath8 ) or dynamic scalar fields @xcite .
the former uses the old idea of a cosmological constant introduced by einstein several years ago but in a completely different way , now interpreted like a reason to support the dark energy .
however , this model has some problems like the so - called cosmological constant problem " where the value of the cosmological constant differs about @xmath9 orders of magnitude from the empirical value @xcite .
the second candidate for dark energy is a dynamic scalar field such as quintessence , phantoms , k - essence , etc . @xcite .
generally , a quintessence model has a state parameter @xmath10 , where @xmath11 is the pressure and @xmath12 is the energy density that varies with time depending on the energy potential @xmath13 and scalar field @xmath14 . in addition , it is important to mention that the quintessence field is minimally coupled to gravity and the potential energy decreases as the field increases .
this model is the simplest case without having theoretical problems like laplacian instabilities or ghosts . for a more detailed review of the quintessence ,
see @xcite one important solution related to the quintessence model was discovered by kiselev @xcite .
the former solution physically describes a spherically symmetric and static exterior spacetime filled with a quintessence field , hence a nonvacuum solution .
the kiselev obtained the schwarzschild - like and reissner - nordstrm - de sitter bh s solutions surrounded by the quintessence at the range of state parameter @xmath15 , the universe will accelerate with the quintessence , where @xmath16 is the ratio of pressure and energy density of quintessence . at @xmath17
, quintessence covers the cosmological constant @xmath7 term and corresponds to the case of dark energy , while @xmath18 , in a static coordinates quintessential state , reveals a de sitter type outer horizon . in short ,
the solutions that corresponds to @xmath15 are asymptotically de sitter . in this paper
, we study the gravitational lensing due to a kiselev black hole ( kbh ) where we choose the state parameter @xmath0 . due to this value
, the solution will be a schwarzschild - like ( netural ) black hole surrounded by quintessence @xcite . in this paper , we considered three possibilities for kbh : two distinct horizons ( nonextreme ) , unique horizon ( extreme black hole ) and no horizon ( naked singularity ) . from the astrophysical point of view , it is a hard task to distinguish between the signatures and properties of black hole and naked singularities , however , gl can provide distinguishing signatures @xcite .
the paper is structured as follows : in sec .
ii , we study the geodesics and effective potential for nonextreme and naked singularity . in sec .
iii , we discuss critical variables and equation of path for photons and calculate the relations between closest approach @xmath19 and impact parameter @xmath20 . in sec .
iv , we derive the bending angle in terms of elliptical integrals for both nonextreme kbh and naked singularity for different values of quintessence parameter @xmath21 ( discussed later ) and then make a comparison with the bending angle for a schwarzschild black hole . in sec .
v , we study the geodesics and effective potential for extreme kbh . in sec .
vi , we discuss critical variables and the equation of path for photons and calculate the relationship between the closest approach and impact parameter for the extreme lensing scenario . in sec .
vii , we calculate the bending angle in terms of elliptical integrals for an extreme kiselev black hole ( ekbh ) at a fixed value of @xmath21 and compare it with the schwarzschild bending angle as a reference . in secs .
viii , ix , x , we use an alternative method for finding the bending angle to study the relativistic images .
finally we discuss our results in sec .
we adopt the units @xmath22 .
the equation of state parameter @xmath16 for the quintessence scalar field @xmath14 is given by @xmath23 where @xmath24 and @xmath25 are the pressure and energy density of the quintessence field defined in terms of the kinetic energy ( @xmath26 ) and potential energy @xmath13 , respectively . here , the overdot represents the differentiation with respect to cosmic time .
based on the above point of view , the geometry of a static spherically symmetric black hole surrounded by the quintessence ( or kiselev spacetime ) is given by @xcite @xmath27 here @xmath28 is the mass of the black hole and @xmath21 is the quintessence parameter ( normalization factor ) that is related to the energy density as follows @xcite : @xmath29 when @xmath16 approaches @xmath30 , the function @xmath31 for the metric @xmath32 reduces to @xmath33 which is the schwarzschild - de - sitter black hole spacetime . for this case , the lensing phenomenon has been studied by bakala and others @xcite . in this paper , our focus is on the special case @xmath0 , which corresponds to the schwarzschild - like black hole surrounded by quintessence . in this case
the function @xmath31 becomes @xmath34 which can also be written as @xmath35 the metric @xmath32 becomes ill defined at @xmath36 , i.e. , @xmath37 which gives a curvature singularity . for @xmath38 ,
we get two fixed values of @xmath39 , namely @xmath40 the region @xmath41 corresponds to the black hole s event horizon while @xmath42 represents the cosmological event horizon .
note that both @xmath43 and @xmath44 are the two coordinate singularities in the metric @xmath32 .
the coordinate singularities arise when @xmath45 .
however when @xmath46 , both @xmath44 and @xmath43 become imaginary , giving a naked singularity .
when @xmath47 , @xmath43 becomes the schwarzschild bh s event horizon @xmath48 .
the lagrangian for a photon travelling in kiselev spacetime is given by @xmath49 here dot represents the derivative with respect to @xmath50 which is an affine parameter .
we will work in an isotropic gravitational field , thus we can restrict the orbits of photons in the equatorial plane @xmath51 .
hence , eq . ( [ 3 ] ) becomes @xmath52 by using the euler - lagrange equations for null geodesics , we get @xmath53 where @xmath54 is the energy per unit mass and @xmath55 is the angular momentum per unit mass . using the null condition of the 4-velocity @xmath56 ( where @xmath57 ) and @xmath58 known as the 4-velocity we get the equation of motion for photons , that is @xmath59 here @xmath20 is the impact parameter for photons of finite rest mass @xcite , and it is the distance perpendicular from the centre of the black hole to the normal line on the ray of light intersecting the observer at infinity @xcite .
the motion of geodesics is a force - free unaccelerated motion . in the presence of a gravitational field , photons experience gravitational force and
this force comes due to the effective potential . here
, the effective potential for photons travelling in spacetime ( [ 1 ] ) is given by @xmath60 note that the effective potential has different values of @xmath21 for nonextreme , extreme and naked singularity of kbh , i.e. , for nonextreme @xmath45 , for extreme @xmath61 while for naked singularity @xmath46 .
here we discuss nonextreme and naked singularity cases and the extreme case will be discussed in sec .
v. when @xmath47 then eq .
@xmath62 reduces to schwarzschild bh s effective potential , i.e. , @xmath63 of photons as a function of distance @xmath39 from black hole , setting @xmath64 .
top curve for schwarzschild black hole , middle two curves for nonextreme while bottom two curves for naked singularity of kbh.,width=453 ] in fig .
@xmath65 , the effective potential @xmath66 is plotted to study the behavior of photons near the considered spacetime @xmath32 for different values of quintessence parameter @xmath21 .
we take @xmath64 for plotting @xmath67 and the limits on @xmath21 become for the nonextreme case @xmath68 , for the extreme case @xmath69 ( discussed later in sec .
v ) , and for naked singularity @xmath70 .
hence @xmath47 corresponds to the schwarzschild black hole , @xmath71 and @xmath72 corresponds to the nonextreme kbh . for these cases photons do not cross the horizon while at @xmath73 and @xmath74 photons cross the horizon . in each curve
there is no minima .
therefore , there is no stable orbit for the photons , only an unstable orbit exists in each case which corresponds to the maximum value @xmath75 .
to find the radius of circular orbit of photons , we use the condition @xmath76 to obtain @xmath77 here @xmath78 is greater than the outer horizon @xmath44 while @xmath79 lies between the inner and outer horizons @xmath80 .
the region of interest is between the horizons .
therefore , the radius of an unstable circular orbit for a photon is @xmath81 , also called the photon sphere . for the critical value of the photon sphere , conditions imposed on @xmath21 are @xmath45 for the nonextreme and @xmath46 for naked singularity . in the limit @xmath82
we get the radius of photon sphere @xmath83 for the schwarzschild black hole .
now , we convert the equation of motion @xmath84 in terms of @xmath85 .
we obtain the equation of path for photons @xmath86 where @xmath87 for critical value of the closest approach , we put @xmath88 @xcite . identifying this point of the closest approach as @xmath89 , from eq .
@xmath90 , we have @xmath91 substituting @xmath92 from eq .
@xmath93 in eq .
@xmath94 , we obtain the critical value of impact parameter for circular orbits @xmath95 the value of the impact parameter also imposes the same limits on the quintessence parameter @xmath21 , for both nonextreme and naked singularity of kbh as mentioned above . for @xmath47 , eq .
@xmath96 gives the impact parameter @xmath97 for a schwarzschild black hole . according to the circular orbit condition ( setting @xmath98 ) and solving eq .
@xmath99 , we get one real root @xmath100 and two other roots @xmath101 and @xmath102 , @xmath103 which are @xmath104 thus eq
. @xmath99 becomes @xmath105 substituting eq .
@xmath106 in @xmath90 yields @xmath107 in eq .
( 25 ) , the positive sign @xmath108 shows that the angle @xmath109 ; changes more than @xmath110 , that is the photon trajectory is bent toward kbh and for the negative sign @xmath111 the photon trajectory is bent away from kbh . for a ray of light ,
both @xmath19 and @xmath20 are obviously different from each other . using cardano s method solving the cubic equation ,
@xmath112 the relation between @xmath20 and @xmath19 is @xmath113-\frac{\sigma b^{2}}{3}.\ ] ] at @xmath47 , it consistently reduces to the schwarzschild black hole lensing case @xcite , @xmath114.\ ] ] as a function of impact parameter @xmath20 @xmath115 .
we discuss here the relation between the closest approach @xmath19 and impact parameter @xmath20 for kbh lensing cases : -nonextreme and naked - singularity- and compared it with a schwarzschild black hole lensing case for different values of @xmath21.,width=453 ] from fig .
@xmath116 , we observe that by increasing the value of @xmath20 , @xmath19 increases . in the region of the photon sphere
@xmath117 $ ] , @xmath19 depends on @xmath20 from the quintessence parameter @xmath21 .
moreover , as @xmath21 increases , light moves closer to kbh and the closest approach @xmath19 decreases . therefore , @xmath47 corresponds to a schwarzschild black hole ( taken as a reference ) while @xmath118 to @xmath119 correspond to the nonextreme kbh . beyond the photon sphere ( region where no horizon exists ) , i.e. , @xmath120
, the light goes into the kbh , whereas @xmath19 remains constant and naked singularity occurs .
suppose that a light ray comes from infinity @xmath121 , reaches the black hole at @xmath19 , and finally moves back to infinity @xmath122 that is the observer . due to this change , the angular coordinate @xmath109 is two times from infinity to @xmath19 .
the light ray deflects from a straight line path at the difference of @xmath110 which results in the bending angle @xmath123 @xcite @xmath124 if we substitute eq . @xmath125 into eq .
@xmath126 , we obtain @xmath127 if we write eq .
@xmath128 in terms of complete elliptic integral ] and an incomplete elliptic integral has the range @xmath129 then @xmath130 . ]
we need to separate the integration limits into two parts : @xmath131-\pi.\ ] ] here the integrals can be recognized in terms of a first kind of elliptical integral , where @xmath132 @xcite .
hence @xmath133-\pi.\ ] ] the integral variables can be defined as @xmath134 in the elliptical integral modulus @xmath135 has a range @xmath136 , where @xmath137 now @xmath138 defines a complete elliptical integral while @xmath139 is an incomplete elliptic integral . by simplifying eq .
@xmath140 , an exact bending angle can be obtained : @xmath141-\pi.\ ] ] from the last expression , @xmath123 can be deduced for nonextreme kbh under @xmath45 and for naked singularity kbh under @xmath46 . for @xmath47 , eq .
@xmath142 , reduces to the schwarzschild bending angle @xmath143 @xcite . .
this is the case of nonextreme kbh lensing and its maximum deflection value depends on the quintessence parameter @xmath144 .
here the schwarzschild case occurs at @xmath47 while @xmath118 to @xmath145 for nonextreme case.,width=453 ] figure [ ps2 ] , shows that the maximum deflection of light will occur at the critical value of the impact parameter @xmath146 in eq .
below @xmath146 there will be no deflection and above @xmath146 , we will get a continuous deflection ( light circulates around the black hole ) .
each single curve shows that by increasing the value of @xmath20 , the bending angle decreases at different values of @xmath21 . nevertheless , originally when we increases the value of @xmath21 , the critical value of the closest approach decreases since the light goes closer to the black hole .
similarly , the value of @xmath20 ( near the photon sphere where maximum deflection occurs ) decreases and the bending angle increases . + as a function of @xmath20 for naked singularity . at @xmath64 , @xmath147.,width=377 ] as a function of @xmath20 for a naked singularity.,width=377 ] figures [ ps3 ] and [ ps3a ] display the behavior of naked singularity . in fig .
[ ps3 ] , for any curve at short distances , as @xmath20 increases the bending angle increases . in fig .
[ ps3a ] , for a long distance , as @xmath20 increases the bending angle remains constant .
however , when we observe the whole phenomena , we see that the bending angle also depends on @xmath21 . as @xmath21 increases ,
the bending angle decreases for both short and long ranges distances .
furthermore , when we compare the graph ( figs . @xmath148 and @xmath149 ) of the naked singularity bending angle with the nonextreme and extreme bending angles graphs ( figs .
[ ps2 ] and [ ps6 ] ) , we observe that naked singularity behaves opposite from nonextreme and extreme cases .
extreme gravitational lensing is very amazing for some important phenomenona but it demands a great effort to be observed . in extreme gravitational lensing , where kbh is used as a lens ,
we need to discuss the bending of photons that pass very close to the lens and suffer a very large deflection . + for the extreme kiselev black hole ( ekbh ) we have @xmath150 , thus the function @xmath31 becomes @xmath151 this is an ekbh case for which @xmath38 gives @xmath152 known as a degenerate solution ( single horizon ) .
this value is twice the schwarzschild black hole horizon , so it can be written as @xmath153 . repeating the same procedure of sec .
ii , for @xmath61 we obtain the effective potential @xmath154 where the first term is related to the centrifugal potential .
the second term represents the relativistic correction due to general relativity .
the third term arises due to the fact that ekbh geometry depends on a parameter @xmath61 . due to the effect of this potential , we can see the behavior of a photon surrounding by the ekbh .
is shown as a function of distance @xmath39 taking for extreme kiselev lensing phenomenon . observe that there is no minima ( have no stable orbit ) and only one maximum @xmath75 , an unstable orbit that exists which corresponds to @xmath155 .
schwarzschild s effective potential is taken as a reference @xmath156.,width=453 ]
substituting @xmath61 in eq .
@xmath84 , we obtain the first order nonlinear differential equation for path @xmath157 where @xmath158 in eq . @xmath159
we need o apply the circular orbit condition .
this condition gives a cubic equation that has one real root @xmath160 and two distinct positive roots such that @xmath161 .
the roots are @xmath162 therefore , eq .
@xmath159 can be rewritten as @xmath163 if we replace again this equation into the equation of path , eq .
@xmath164 , we obtain @xmath165 in the limit @xmath166 @xmath167 , eq .
@xmath164 gives @xmath168 for the critical value of the closest approach ( radius of photon sphere @xmath19 ) , applying the second circular orbit condition @xmath169 , and then the condition @xmath170 in eq .
@xmath164 , we get @xmath171 and @xmath172 . here
, @xmath173 gives a degenerate solution ( with @xmath174 ) whereas @xmath175 gives the photon sphere .
now , by putting the value of @xmath176 into eq . @xmath164 and using the condition of circular orbit @xmath177 , we get the critical value of the impact parameter , which is @xmath178 . for ekbh
the relation between @xmath19 and @xmath20 is @xmath179 -\frac{b^{2}}{24m}.\ ] ] as a function of the impact parameter @xmath20 for the ekbh .
we see that by increasing the value of the impact parameter @xmath20 the closest approach @xmath19 increases .
schwarzschild black hole case @xmath156 is taken as reference while for ekbh we take @xmath69 with @xmath64.,width=415 ]
the bending angle for the extreme kiselev black hole ( ekbh ) can be obtained by putting eq . @xmath180 into @xmath126 where @xmath181 .
doing this we obtain @xmath182 we can decompose the limits and convert the integral into complete and incomplete elliptical integral forms as follows @xmath183-\pi.\ ] ] both integrals can be recognized in terms of first kind of elliptical integral @xcite , where the integrand has the condition @xmath184 .
thus we have @xmath185-\pi.\ ] ] simplification of eq .
@xmath186 gives @xmath187-\pi.\ ] ] for ekbh , elliptic integral parameters can be defined as @xmath188 modulus @xmath189 has range @xmath190 , where @xmath191 thus , the exact bending angle for ekbh lensing is given by @xmath192-\pi,\ ] ] where @xmath193 defines the complete elliptical integral and @xmath194 is an incomplete elliptical integral .
is a function of the impact parameter @xmath20 ( setting @xmath64 ) . in this case
, the bending angle also depends on the value of the quintessence parameter @xmath21 . in this figure
, @xmath69 is the value for the extreme case while @xmath47 is for the schwarzschild black hole bending angle taken as a reference.,width=453 ] figure [ ps6 ] , shows that by increasing the value of @xmath20 , the bending angle decreases . the dashed curve shows the bending angle for ekbh , while the solid curve shows the bending angle for the schwarzschild black hole .
both curves display the same behavior since they have one horizon . in ekbh lensing ,
the event horizon is twice the schwarzschild s horizon @xmath195 .
however , the difference between these two bending angles is that in the extreme case , the bending angle is larger than the schwarzschild black hole bending angle because if we increase the value of the quintessence parameter @xmath21 , the bending angle will also increase .
gravitational lensing phenomena involves the study of the null geodesic equations .
when the solution of the space - time geometry @xmath32 extends , an event horizons exist at @xmath44 and @xmath43 , see eq .
our main interest is in the region that lies between the horizons , which is called the photon sphere @xmath197 [ eq . @xmath198 .
therefore , the deflection will occur when a ray of light passes through that region with the closest approach @xmath19 . in order to compute the bending angle
@xmath123 we need to compute the value of the impact parameter @xmath20 . if we divide eq .
@xmath199 with @xmath84 we obtain @xmath200 now , for the closest approach @xmath201 and @xmath202 , we will have @xmath203 by substituting eq .
@xmath204 in eq .
@xmath205 , we obtain @xmath206 we adopt the procedure of @xcite , thus we will use the following bending angle formula : @xmath207 by using eq .
@xmath208 , the deflection angle for a light ray becomes @xmath209 and @xmath210 , respectively.,width=377 ] + the geometry of a lensing phenomenon is shown in fig .
this figure is commonly called the lens diagram " .
the lens equation can be expressed as @xcite @xmath212,\ ] ] where @xmath213 is the distance from the lens to the source and @xmath214 is the distance from the observer to the source .
we also have @xmath215 where @xmath216 is the distance from the observer to the lens .
angular positions of source and images are represented by @xmath217 and @xmath218 , respectively while the deflection angle due to a black hole is denoted by @xmath219 as it is shown in figure [ ld ] .
+ now , if we convert the distance and the impact parameter in terms of the schwarzschild black hole radius , we find @xmath220 from here , we will introduce a new quintessence parameter @xmath221 in terms of the schwarzschild radius .
using eqs . @xmath222 and @xmath223 in eqs .
@xmath224 , @xmath204 , @xmath225 , and @xmath93 respectively , we get @xmath226 where @xmath227 denotes the distance from the horizons and @xmath228 is the distance from the photon sphere . + in order to find the position of images , we need to solve eq . @xmath229 for the source position @xmath217 along with eqs . @xmath230 and @xmath231 .
generally , for a circular symmetric lens , the magnification is given by @xcite @xmath232 here , the tangential magnifications and the radial magnifications are respectively defined as @xmath233 by differentiating both sides of eq .
@xmath229 , we get @xcite @xmath234,\ ] ] where @xmath235 . by taking the derivative of eq .
@xmath230 with respect to @xmath236 , we obtain @xmath237^{\frac{3}{2}}}dx.\ ] ] finally , by differentiating eq .
@xmath208 with respect to @xmath218 on both sides and doing some simplifications we get @xmath238
virbhadra and ellis defined `` relativistic images '' of a gravitational lens as those images which occur due to light deflections by angles @xmath267 @xcite .
similarly , when @xmath268 and @xmath269 , the location of relativistic einstein rings " are specified @xcite . for a fixed value of @xmath217
, we can get @xmath218 related to the positions of corresponding images .
thus , we can do an approximation using a first order taylor expansion around @xmath270 for the position of the nth relativistic image @xcite @xmath271 where @xmath272 at @xmath270 and @xmath273 for the value of @xmath218 we take eq .
@xmath274 , and we get @xmath275,\label{103}\\ \theta_{n}^{o}&=&\frac{1}{d_\text{ol}}\big[c-\frac{d}{b^{2}}\exp\big\{\frac{-2}{a}\big(2n+1\big)\pi\big\}\big].\label{104}\end{aligned}\ ] ] taking derivatives in ( @xmath276 ) and then substituting into ( @xmath277 ) , we obtain @xmath278.\ ] ] from eq .
@xmath279 , we have @xmath280 using eqs . @xmath281 and @xmath282 in @xmath283 , we get @xmath284.\ ] ] substituting eq .
@xmath283 into @xmath285 yields @xmath286 putting eq .
@xmath287 into @xmath288 , we get @xmath289\theta_{n } -\frac{d_\text{ls}}{d_\text{os}}\big[\frac{a}{2}\big\{\frac{b^{2}c}{d}\exp\big\{\frac{2}{a}\big(2n+1\big)\pi\big\}-1\big\}\big].\ ] ] in order to obtain the approximate position for the relativistic images , we neglect the number @xmath290 because @xmath291 in this approximation .
therefore , we have @xmath292\beta+\frac{1}{d_\text{ol}}\big[c-\frac{d}{b^{2}}\exp\big\{\frac{-2}{a}\big(2n+1\big)\pi\big\}\big].\ ] ] here in eq .
@xmath293 , if the source , lens , and image are perfectly aligned then @xmath268 and we can obtain the einstein ring with angular radius @xmath294=\theta_{n}^{o}.\ ] ] the amplification of the nth relativistic image is given by @xmath295 tangential magnification for relativistic images is @xmath296 + \frac{1}{\beta d_\text{ol}}\big[c-\frac{d}{b^{2}}\exp\big\{\frac{-2}{a}\big(2n+1\big)\pi\big\}\big].\ ] ] radial magnification for relativistic images is @xmath297.\ ] ] thus , the total amplification of the nth relativistic images can be calculated by combining both tangential magnification eq . @xmath298 and radial magnification eq .
@xmath299 in @xmath300 ) , which yields @xmath301 \big[\frac{1}{d_\text{ol}}\big\{c-\frac{d}{b^{2}}\exp\big\{\frac{-2}{a}\big(2n+1\big)\pi\big\}\big\}\big].\ ] ] here , if the observer , lens and source are aligned @xmath302 , the amplification will diverge .
therefore , the size of the relativistic images will become very small and the brightness will be low . for the total magnification of relativistic images , the sum of the relativistic image is taken into account @xmath303 now , by using the geometric series @xmath304 for @xmath305 , the total magnification of the relativistic images will be @xmath306.\ ] ]
we have studied the gl scenario for nonextreme , naked singularity and extreme cases for kbh .
we discussed the null geodesics for these three cases in order to study the behavior of the scalar field .
we observed that effective potential and the null - geodesics trajectories depend on the quintessence parameter . from figs .
[ ps ] and [ ps4 ] , we found that the potential does not have a minimum value so there is no stable circular orbit for photons .
moreover there are only unstable orbits for all cases .
we also studied the behavior of the light in the lensing process of kbh . from figures [ ps1 ] and [ ps5 ]
, we ensured that as the value of impact parameter @xmath20 is increased the value of @xmath307 increases .
we have worked with the quintessence field , so due to the effect of quintessence parameter @xmath21 , the situation gets reversed i.e. , closest approach @xmath307 decreases by increasing the value of @xmath20 and light goes closer to the kbh . moreover , when @xmath21 reaches to @xmath308 , the @xmath307 remains constant with respect to @xmath20 .
for this , we calculated the equation of the path and the bending angle @xmath123 .
after that , we converted this expression in terms of elliptic integrals .
the bending angle depends on the value of @xmath21 . for each case
, @xmath21 has different limits .
we solved the elliptical integrals numerically and studied their behavior via plots in figs .
@xmath309 , @xmath148 , @xmath149 , and @xmath310 .
we also studied a gl phenomenon for nonextreme kbh @xmath311 . in this case , it can be seen from fig .
@xmath309 , that as the value of the impact parameter increases , the bending angle decreases .
nevertheless , for the whole process , for large value of @xmath21 , light goes closer to the black hole and the bending angle would be larger .
furthermore , when we compared it with the schwarzschild case , we observed that @xmath312 is smaller than the bending angle for the nonextreme case .
for a gl phenomenon for ekbh , we have @xmath61 . from fig .
[ ps6 ] , we noticed that as the impact parameter @xmath20 increases , the bending angle @xmath313 for ekbh decreases .
when we compared it with schwarzschild black hole , we observed that its behavior is similar to the schwarzschild black hole bending angle @xmath143 and nonextreme bending angles , since ekbh has only one horizon which is twice the schwarzschild s horizon .
however , @xmath313 is greater than the @xmath143 . to study gl phenomena for naked singularity
, we took @xmath46 . in this case , the behavior of the light is totally different as there is no horizon and the value of the closest approach @xmath19 will remain constant with respect to @xmath20 . from fig .
@xmath148 , it can be seen that as we increase the value of @xmath20 , the bending angle increases .
however , from figs . [ ps3 ] and [ ps3a ] , one can conclude that the bending angle is smaller for large @xmath21 .
for the case of naked singularity , we found that the bending angle is larger than the nonextreme , extreme and schwarzschild cases .
( the order of the bending angles is naked singularity @xmath314 extreme kbh @xmath314 nonextreme kbh @xmath314 schwarzschild black hole ) additionally , the behavior of a naked singularity bending angle is almost opposite both nonextreme kbh and extreme kbh bending angles .
we calculated the bending angle by another approach in sec .
viii and we found that the results are similar for both approaches .
we have also calculated the approximated bending angle by using the weak field limit . the expression for the magnification of relativistic images
are also derived .
one can generalize this analysis and comparison for the reissner - nordstrm black hole surrounded by quintessence matter and the study of relativistic images can also be done more rigorously .
this type of work might be important for studying the highly redshifted galaxies , quasars , supermassive black holes , exoplanets , dark matter candidates and so on .
the authors would like to thank k. s. virbhadra for insightful comments on this work .
s.b . is supported by the comisin nacional de investigacin cientfica y tecnolgica ( becas chile grant no .
72150066 ) .
m.j . and a.y .
are supported via nrpu grant no .
20 - 2166 from higher education commission islamabad .
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measurement of the purely leptonic decay of the @xmath5 allows the determination of the pseudoscalar decay constant @xmath6 , which can provide important experimental check on lattice qcd ( lqcd ) @xcite as well as other theoretical predictions @xcite , and can help discriminate among these models .
in addition , since lqcd hopes to predict @xmath7 accurately , measuring @xmath6 would allow a precision determination of the @xmath8 meson decay constant , @xmath9 , which currently can not be measured experimentally .
this would make the precision extraction of the ckm matrix element , @xmath10 , from the @xmath11 meson mixing rate possible .
the branching fraction of the @xmath12 decay in lowest order is given by @xmath13 where @xmath14 and @xmath15 are the mass of the lepton and the @xmath16 meson , respectively , @xmath17 is the fermi coupling constant , @xmath18 is the ckm matrix element that quantifies the mixing amplitude for the @xmath19 and @xmath20 quark , and @xmath21 is the lifetime of the @xmath5 meson .
the data was collected with the cleo - c detector at the cornell electron storage ring , a symmetric energy @xmath22 collider . in this analysis about 60 pb@xmath0 data recorded on the @xmath1(3770 ) resonance are used .
about half of the time the @xmath1(3770 ) decays to @xmath23 .
we select these events by reconstructing the @xmath24 meson ( tagged @xmath16 ) decaying into any one of five modes ( @xmath25 , @xmath26 , @xmath27 , @xmath28 , and @xmath29 ) which represent about 35% of the total @xmath16 meson decay rate .
then we look for @xmath2 signal candidate by searching for an additional single track , presumed to be the muon .
all accepted tracks must be within the fiducial volume of the main drift chamber with a polar angle @xmath30 and must come from the @xmath31 interaction point . charged
kaons and pions are identified by using both the ionization energy loss ( @xmath32 ) in the drift chamber and information from the ring imaging cherenkov ( rich ) counters .
neutral pions are formed from pairs of photon showers detected in the csi crystal calorimeter and kinematically fitted to the nominal @xmath33 mass .
@xmath34 candidates are reconstructed from a kinematic fit of a pair of charged pions to a displaced vertex .
the tagged @xmath16 meson is fully reconstructed by requiring the difference in the energy of the decay products and the beam energy to be less than 20 mev .
we extract the number of tagged events from fits to the distributions of the beam - constrained mass of the reconstructed @xmath16 meson defined as @xmath35 , where the sum runs over the decay products .
the distributions of @xmath36 for each decay mode are shown in fig .
[ fig : md_dist ] where the fit curves are the superposition of gaussian signal functions and third order polynomial background functions .
the total number of tagged events within @xmath37 standard deviations of the peak is @xmath38 , where the systematic error is estimated from the variation of the signal when using an argus shape function instead of a polynomial function to parametrize the background . , ( b ) @xmath39 , ( c ) @xmath40 , ( d ) @xmath41 , and ( e ) @xmath42 .
the solid curves show the sum of the gaussian signal functions and third order polynomial background functions .
the dashed curves indicate the background fits.,width=326 ] then the @xmath2 candidates are selected by searching for an additional track with opposite charge to the tagged @xmath16 meson in the barrel region of the detector ( @xmath43 ) .
the muon candidate is required to deposit less than 300 mev energy in the calorimeter , characteristic of a minimum ionizing particle , and not to be consistent with the kaon hypothesis based on the rich information .
we reject events with more than one additional charged track or if the energy of the largest shower unmatched to a track is more than 250 mev .
the presence of the neutrino is inferred by requiring that the measured value of the missing mass squared calculated as @xmath44 be near zero ( i.e. the neutrino mass squared ) , where @xmath45 is the three - momentum of the fully reconstructed tagged @xmath24 meson .
the resolution of the @xmath46 is @xmath47 gev@xmath48 , which is essentially independent of the tagging decay mode .
[ fig : mm2 ] shows the @xmath46 distribution in data for @xmath2 candidate events .
the signal region within @xmath49 around zero contains 8 events .
the large peak at 0.25 gev@xmath48 is due to the decay @xmath50 since many @xmath51 escapes detection .
distribution for @xmath2 candidate events .
the insert shows the region around zero where the @xmath52 signal region is indicated by the arrows.,width=326 ] background can arise from other @xmath5 decay modes , misidentified @xmath53 events and continuum background ( @xmath54 , @xmath55 ) .
the likelihood of these events are evaluated using monte carlo simulations and the results are summarized in table [ tab : background ] . the total background is expected to be @xmath56 events . because of the uncertainties in the monte carlo simulation , a 100% error is assigned to the background estimate .
.estimated backgrounds from various sources . [ cols="^,^,^",options="header " , ] the branching fraction is calculated as @xmath57 , where @xmath58 is the number of background subtracted signal events , @xmath59 is the detection efficiency of the decay @xmath2 , and @xmath60 is the number of @xmath16 tags .
the result is @xmath61 the total systematic uncertainty on the branching fraction is @xmath62% , which is the quadrature sum of the systematic uncertainties in the @xmath2 detection efficiency ( @xmath63% ) , in the number of @xmath16 tags ( @xmath64% ) , and in the background ( @xmath65% ) .
the decay constant , @xmath6 , is obtained from eq .
[ eq : decay_rate ] by substituting @xmath66 and @xmath67
ps @xcite @xmath68
we have reported the recent measurement of the decay branching fraction @xmath2 and the @xmath16 meson decay constant by the cleo collaboration @xcite .
our results are considerably smaller , though consistent with previous claim of observation by the bes experiment @xcite .
the experimental value of @xmath6 is consistent with lattice qcd as well as other model predictions , and the current level of precision is not enough to discriminate among the various models .
the cleo - c detector continues to take more data on the charm threshold in order to improve the precision of the measurement in the near future .
we gratefully acknowledge the effort of the cesr staff in providing us with excellent luminosity and running conditions .
this work was supported by the national science foundation and the u.s .
department of energy .
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_ d * 47 * 3059 | arxiv |
Une Parisienne – Paris B.B.
I apologize for the lack of posts as of late, I've been rather busy. There will be no posts for the next couple weeks as I finish my short film, work on the first 30 pages of my script, and continue working as director of photography on my friend's film. I shall return with a flurry of posts to make up for it, posting the last two volumes of Jazz and Cinema, and beginning a series of Carter Burwell soundtracks. So stay tuned and I shall return.
...All works copyright their respective owners. If you choose to sample any of the recordings made available here, please only keep them for 24 hours and then delete them. These works are provided in the hopes that if you enjoy them, you will purchase them and support those who worked to put them out. If there are any objections to any posted material, please notify me and they will be removed promptly. | slim_pajama |
Query regarding interference
In Young's Double Slit experiment, why is it that two waves vibrating perpendicular to each other doesn't show interference?
I know that for interference to happen, the waves must be coherent ( i.e., they maintain a constant phase w.r.t each other) and if the waves meet at same point in the screen it results in constructive interference and destructive if there is a phase change of lambda/2 and so on.
Any help regarding the query would be nice.
There's no way that you can add a vector pointing along the $x$ axis, and have it cancel a vector pointing in the $y$ direction. So the amplitude of the light is zero nowhere, and there are no intensity fringes. Instead, the polarization of the wave changes at the screen. As you study the light along the direction that you expect to see fringes, you would see the light changing polarization rather than amplitude: from linear (inclined 45${}^\circ$) where you expect maxima, to circular where you would expect minima. I suppose you could observe intensity fringes if you put a polarizer in from of the screen. I've never seen that done. So there *is* interference of a sort, it's just of a different kind.
| stackexchange/physics |
an important sex difference has been highlighted in the health consequences of type 2 diabetes mellitus with a 50% higher risk of coronary heart disease mortality in diabetic women compared to diabetic men .
in addition to this higher mortality risk found in diabetic women , there is growing evidence that the response to early lifestyle interventions aiming at counteracting insulin resistance and thereby reducing the risk of developing diabetes and its cardiovascular complications may be sex - specific , with women having generally fewer benefits than men .
in fact , greater improvements in insulin sensitivity have been observed in men compared to women in response to exercise training interventions [ 4 , 5 ] .
moreover , it has been suggested that body weight loss improves insulin sensitivity to a greater extent in men .
very few studies have yet documented potential sex - related differences in response to the adoption of healthy dietary habits . moreover ,
the few studies that have examined this issue were generally achieved in uncontrolled nutritional contexts and gender differences in the adherence to prescribed dietary habits in these studies may have confounded the interpretation of results obtained .
the adoption of the traditional mediterranean diet ( meddiet ) is now widely recommended for its various health benefits . among others ,
the adoption of this dietary pattern has been identified as a useful approach to improve glycemic control and prevent the development of insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes mellitus [ 8 , 9 ] .
however , little is known about how the meddiet leads to improvements in glucose and insulin homeostasis .
one possible mechanism is a decrease in nonesterified fatty acid ( nefa ) concentration in response to the meddiet .
in fact , from a metabolic standpoint , elevated nefa concentration is established as one of the main contributing factors for the development of insulin resistance through the impairment of both hepatic glucose production and insulin action in peripheral tissues . using a fully controlled nutritional context , the aim of this study was therefore to examine how sex modifies the short - term impact of a meddiet on variables related to glucose and insulin homeostasis .
we also verified if changes in glucose and insulin homeostasis were related to changes in nefa concentration in men and women .
thirty - eight men and 32 premenopausal women aged from 24 to 53 years were recruited .
in addition to having slightly elevated plasma low - density lipoprotein- ( ldl- ) cholesterol concentration ( between 3.4 and 4.9 mmol / l ) or a total cholesterol to high - density lipoprotein- ( hdl- ) cholesterol ratio 5.0 , participants had at least one of the four following cardiovascular risk factors : ( 1 ) waist circumference > 94 cm in men and > 80 cm in women ; ( 2 ) triacylglycerol ( tag ) >
1.7 mmol / l ; ( 3 ) fasting glycemia between 6.1 and 6.9 mmol / l ; and ( 4 ) blood pressure concentrations 130/85 mm hg .
exclusion criteria included a significant weight change ( > 2.5 kg ) in the three months before the study , cardiovascular events , prior diagnosis of type 2 diabetes mellitus , use of medication that could affect dependent variables under study ( namely , lipid - lowering , hypoglycemic , insulin sensitizers and antihypertensive medications ) , smoking , pregnancy , and use of systemic hormonal contraceptives .
premenopausal status was determined by a regular menstrual cycle for the last three months and a fsh measurement < 20 iu / l during the early follicular phase .
power analyses for repeated measures and within - between interactions showed that a total sample size of n = 68 is sufficient to detect significant differences in the outcomes with a small effect - size estimate ( cohen 's d of 0.15 ) and with an = 0.05 and a power ( 1 error probability ) of 0.95 ( g*power version 3.0.10 , franz faul , universitt kiel , germany ) .
the present study was conducted according to the guidelines laid down in the declaration of helsinki ( 1964 ) .
all procedures involving human subjects were approved by the laval university research ethics committee on human experimentation . written informed consent was obtained from all subjects .
firstly , during a 4-week run - in period , participants had to comply with the recommendations of canada 's food guide as prescribed by a registered dietician .
canada 's food guide is an educational tool which promotes a healthy eating pattern in order to reduce the risk of many chronic diseases and to achieve overall health and vitality .
the purpose of this run - in period was to ensure similar dietary habits between men and women prior to the controlled meddiet phase , a goal which has been achieved as reported in a previous publication .
it has been shown that 4 weeks of nutritional intervention under controlled conditions is sufficient to obtain significant changes in glucose / insulin homeostasis [ 1518 ] .
the percentages of energy derived from lipids , carbohydrates , proteins , and alcohol were , respectively , of 32% , 46% , 17% , and 5% .
participants were also instructed to maintain their usual physical activity . the controlled meddiet phase aimed at being isocaloric in order to control for the potential confounding effect of body weight change . on each weekday ,
body weight was measured immediately before lunch and foods and energy provided were revised if necessary to minimize body weight fluctuations . in women ,
all tests were carried out in the early follicular phase of their menstrual cycle ( from the third to ninth day of the menstrual cycle ; mean duration of the feeding period in women is 28.8 4.3 days ) since fluctuations in female hormones may influence glucose and insulin homeostasis .
after a 12-hour overnight fast , basic lipid profile was measured after the run - in period ( i.e. , just before the controlled meddiet phase ) .
serum cholesterol , hdl - cholesterol , and tag concentrations were measured using commercial reagents on a modular p chemistry analyzer ( roche diagnostics , mannheim , germany ) .
moreover , a 180 min oral glucose tolerance test ( ogtt ) with 75 g of glucose in solution was performed just before and after the controlled meddiet .
blood samples were collected into vacutainer tubes containing ethylene diamine tetra - acetic acid ( edta ) at 15 , 0 , 15 , 30 , 45 , 60 , 90 , 120 , 150 , and 180 min . at each time
, plasma glucose concentration was determined using the hexokinase - glucose-6-phosphate dehydrogenase method , plasma insulin concentration was measured by radioimmunoassay , plasma c - peptide concentration was measured by a modification of the method of heding with polyclonal antibody a-4741 from ventrex ( portland , me , usa ) and polyethylene glycol precipitation , and plasma nefa concentration was assessed with an enzymatic detection kit ( zenbio , research triangle park , nc , usa ) .
incremental areas under the curve ( iauc ) for glucose , insulin , and c - peptide and the area under the curve ( auc ) for nefa were calculated for the 180 min interval using the trapezoidal method .
the incremental peak was calculated as the difference between the concentration of glucose , insulin , and c - peptide at peak and the concentration in the fasting state during the ogtt .
the percentage of suppression of nefa was calculated in each participant using this formula : [ ( fasting nefa the lowest nefa concentration during the ogtt)/fasting nefa ] 100 .
hepatic insulin sensitivity was assessed by the homeostasis model assessment ( homa - is ) approach index ( 1/[fasting glucose ( mmol / l ) fasting insulin ( miu / l)/22.5 ] ) .
peripheral insulin sensitivity was assessed with the cederholm index according to the following formula : [ 75 000 + ( fasting glucose glucose 120 min postload ) 1.15 180 0.19 body weight]/[120 log ( mean insulin ) mean glucose ] in which glucose concentrations are expressed in mmol / l , insulin concentrations in miu / l , and body weight in kg .
as proposed by the canadian diabetes association , normal glucose tolerance was defined as a fasting plasma glucose < 6.1 mmol / l and plasma glucose 120 min postload < 7.8 mmol / l , isolated impaired fasting glucose as fasting glucose between 6.1 and 6.9 and glucose 120 min postload < 7.8 mmol / l , isolated impaired glucose tolerance as fasting glucose < 6.1 mmol / l and glucose 120 min postload between 7.8 and 11.0
mmol / l , and both impaired fasting glucose and impaired glucose tolerance as fasting glucose between 6.1 and 6.9 and glucose 120 min postload between 7.8 and 11.0 mmol / l and type 2 diabetes mellitus was defined as fasting glucose 7.0 mmol / l or glucose 120 min postload 11.1 mmol / l . after the run - in period ( i.e. , just before the controlled meddiet phase ) , body weight , height , and waist circumference measurements were performed using standardized methods .
systolic and diastolic blood pressure levels were measured on the right arm using an automated blood pressure monitor ( bpm 300-bptru : vital signs monitor ) as previously described .
data were collected after the run - in period ( i.e. , just before the controlled meddiet phase ) and immediately after the controlled meddiet . for variables
not normally distributed , a transformation was performed . to determine differences between men and women for characteristics before the controlled meddiet phase , student 's t - test for unpaired data was used .
time and sex - by - time interaction effects on dependent variables were assessed by using mixed procedures for repeated measurements followed by tukey - kramer tests .
statistical analyses were adjusted for values before the meddiet phase when a difference between men and women was observed .
associations between variables were assessed by pearson 's correlation analyses . although the controlled meddiet phase aimed at being isocaloric , both men and women had a small but significant weight loss ( 1.2 kg or 1.3% of initial body weight in men and 0.5 kg or 0.7% in women ) .
however , no significant change was observed in both men and women for waist circumference ( 0.3 cm or 0.3% of initial waist circumference in men and 0.8 cm or 0.8% in women ) .
all results are adjusted for this small change in body weight during the controlled meddiet phase .
we excluded one man from our analyses due to illness , which led to a significant reduction in food intake during several days at the end of the controlled meddiet phase .
all analyses were performed with the sas statistical package version 9.2 ( sas institute inc . , cary , nc , usa ) .
as previously reported in another publication , men and women had similar age and bmi ( table 1 ) .
waist circumference measurements were higher in men than in women . on average , both men and women were characterized by a slightly deteriorated lipid profile and normal blood pressure levels , but some sex differences were noted for these metabolic variables .
specifically , men displayed higher values for tag and systolic and diastolic blood pressure and a lower value for hdl - cholesterol concentration than women . for variables related to glucose and insulin homeostasis , men and women had comparable values before the controlled meddiet , except for fasting glucose , for which men had a higher value than women .
there was no sex difference for c - peptide and nefa concentrations in the fasting state .
forty - one participants had a normal glucose tolerance ( 20 men and 21 women ) , 10 had an isolated impaired fasting glucose ( nine men and one woman ) , nine were characterized by an isolated impaired glucose tolerance ( five men and four women ) , and four participants had both an impaired fasting glucose and an impaired glucose tolerance ( two men and two women ) .
even if none of the participants had received a diagnosis of type 2 diabetes mellitus prior to their inclusion in this study , one man and four women met diagnosis criteria for type 2 diabetes mellitus .
there was no sex - by - time interaction or time effect for fasting glucose , insulin , and c - peptide concentrations ( figure 1 ) . during the 75 g ogtt ,
a sex - by - time interaction for plasma insulin iauc was found , with men having a significant decrease whereas women experienced a nonsignificant increase ( men 17.8% , p = 0.02 , women + 9.4% , p = 0.63 , p for sex - by - time interaction = 0.005 ) ( figure 1 ) .
more precisely , when statistical analyses were performed at each time point of the ogtt , sex - by - time interaction effects were found at 60 and 120 min ( resp . ,
specifically , a significant increase in insulin concentrations at 60 min was observed in women ( + 21.1% , p = 0.04 ) whereas men showed a nonsignificant decrease ( 3.4% , p = 0.95 ) . for insulin concentration at 120 min
, men showed a greater reduction after meddiet than women ( 25.4% in men , p = 0.03 and 10.3% in women , p = 0.99 ) .
there was no sex - by - time interaction or time effect for glucose and c - peptide iaucs ( figure 1 ) as well as for incremental peaks of glucose , insulin , and c - peptide in response to the meddiet ( table 2 ) .
no time or sex - by - time interaction effect was observed for hepatic insulin sensitivity as calculated with the homa - is index ( table 2 ) .
however , a sex - by - time interaction was found for peripheral insulin sensitivity as calculated by the cederholm index ( p = 0.03 ) , with men showing an increase ( + 8.1% , p = 0.047 ) whereas a nonsignificant decrease was observed in women ( 5.9% , p = 0.94 ) ( table 2 ) . no time or sex - by - time interaction
was noted in men and women combined ( 6.4% ; time effect : p = 0.06 ) but no sex - by - time interaction was observed for this variable ( figure 1 ) .
moreover , a tendency for an increase was found for the nefa suppression rate when the whole sample was considered ( + 3.5% ; time effect : p = 0.06 ) ( table 2 ) , but no sex - by - time interaction effect was noted . in men , changes in fasting nefa concentration in response to the meddiet
were positively associated with concurrent variations in the incremental peak of glucose and glucose iauc and negatively associated with changes in the peripheral insulin sensitivity as measured by the cederholm index ( table 3 ) . in women , changes in fasting nefa concentration and nefa auc with meddiet
changes in nefa auc were positively associated with variations in glucose concentration at 120 min and glucose iauc in women .
finally , changes in nefa suppression rate were positively associated with variations in the incremental peak of glucose in men and negatively associated with variations in fasting glucose concentration in women .
the present study reports for the first time , in the context of a fully controlled nutritional feeding protocol , detailed sex - related differences in glucose and insulin homeostasis in response to consumption of a traditional meddiet , a healthy food pattern recognized to prevent the development of insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes mellitus [ 8 , 9 ] .
specifically , our results showed that , in men , meddiet improves peripheral insulin sensitivity as measured by the cederholm index and reduces insulin iauc during an oral glucose challenge .
in contrast , women had no beneficial change for these variables in response to the meddiet .
sex differences in insulin homeostasis found in this study are not explained by sex differences in nefa response to the meddiet .
however , sex - specific pattern of associations between changes in variables related to glucose and insulin homeostasis and changes in nefa concentrations were found .
the beneficial effects of the meddiet on peripheral insulin sensitivity in men are in concordance with the previous literature .
in fact , many characteristics of the meddiet , such as its high content in monounsaturated fatty acids , fibers , and polyphenolic compounds and the moderate alcohol intake habitually found with this dietary pattern , have been previously identified as improving insulin sensitivity through several mechanisms and independently of weight loss , as previously reviewed .
however , our results add to the previous literature since we showed that , when considered as a whole , the meddiet leads to beneficial effects on insulin homeostasis , but these benefits seem to be sex - specific , with men having more favorable effects than women .
improvements in peripheral insulin sensitivity observed in men after the meddiet suggest a higher effectiveness of insulin - stimulated glucose uptake in peripheral tissues , leading to a decrease in insulin needs .
this decrease in insulin needs can in turn explain the decrease in insulin concentrations observed in men during the ogtt .
two mechanisms can explain this decrease in insulin concentrations with meddiet : reduced insulin secretion or enhanced insulin clearance from the circulation .
since c - peptide concentration has been identified as an indirect indicator of in vivo pancreatic beta - cell insulin secretion and no significant change in c - peptide concentration occurred in this study , our results suggest that reduced insulin concentrations in men in response to the meddiet are likely to be primarily due to enhanced insulin clearance .
insulin clearance was not measured in the present study and further work is warranted to confirm this hypothesis .
elevated circulating nefa concentrations have been identified as one of the main contributing metabolic factors for the development of insulin resistance .
more precisely , nefa induce insulin resistance through activation of a serine - kinase cascade , leading to the inhibition of the insulin signaling pathway in adipose tissue , skeletal muscle , and liver .
results from the present study suggest that sex differences in insulin homeostasis are not due to sex differences in nefa response to the meddiet .
other potential factors related to insulin resistance may explain these sex differences in the response to meddiet . among others , it has been demonstrated that estrogen favors insulin sensitivity , via its numerous beneficial effects on insulin and glucose homeostasis , adipose tissue distribution , oxidative stress , and inflammatory status .
since a decrease in estrogen levels has been previously highlighted in response to the meddiet in women , we can speculate that a potential decrease in estrogen levels may have counteracted the beneficial effects of the meddiet in premenopausal women from our study .
the lack of a significant reduction in glucose response to the meddiet in men , despite improvements in insulin homeostasis , may be explained by the fact that the majority of our subjects had a normal glucose tolerance before the controlled meddiet phase .
in fact , previous studies have highlighted that the meddiet leads to beneficial effects on glucose concentrations in individuals with type 2 diabetes mellitus ; however , the impact of the meddiet in individuals without type 2 diabetes is still unknown [ 3237 ] . in a weight loss context ,
shai and collaborators have observed decreases in both glucose and insulin concentrations in individuals characterized by type 2 diabetes mellitus with the adoption of the meddiet whereas only reduced insulin concentrations were found in nondiabetic individuals . given the limited number of our participants who met diagnosis criteria for type 2 diabetes mellitus , we can not verify this issue in the present study .
sex differences in the pattern of associations between variables related to glucose and insulin homeostasis and nefa concentrations have been reported in this study in response to the meddiet .
our results showed that changes in fasting nefa concentrations after the meddiet are negatively associated with parallel changes in peripheral insulin sensitivity in men , meaning that men who decreased the most their fasting nefa in response to the meddiet had greater improvements in peripheral insulin sensitivity .
this association was not observed in women . since women characterized by type 2 diabetes mellitus are at higher risk of coronary heart disease mortality than diabetic men , sex differences highlighted in this study have therefore important clinical implications .
indeed , women have been underrepresented in the majority of clinical trials ; therefore we know little about efficient strategies aiming at improving glucose and insulin homeostasis in women .
thus our results , along with those from other studies , highlight the importance of including both men and women in future studies in order to identify effective interventions for women in prevention of diabetes and its cardiovascular - related risk .
however , despite these results , it is important to stress out the fact that the adoption of the meddiet brings beneficial effects on the cardiovascular health with regard to the lipid profile and blood pressure levels in both men and women , with no sex difference for these cardiovascular risk factors , suggesting beneficial cardiovascular effects of the meddiet , regardless of the sex .
a major strength of this study is its strictly controlled design during the meddiet phase , ensuring optimal control over energy intake and diet quality .
one limitation is that peripheral insulin sensitivity was assessed using the cederholm index , a surrogate marker , rather than the gold - standard euglycemic - hyperinsulinemic clamp .
however , the cederholm index has been demonstrated to correlate closely with specific measures of insulin sensitivity derived from the euglycemic - hyperinsulinemic clamp [ 38 , 39 ] .
another limitation is the heterogeneity of the study group , consisting of subjects with various degrees of glucose tolerance and insulin sensitivity .
however , for markers related to glucose and insulin homeostasis , except for fasting glucose , men and women had comparable values before the controlled meddiet , which facilitates the comparison between sexes .
in summary , short - term consumption of a traditional meddiet leads to beneficial effects on insulin homeostasis in men but not in premenopausal women .
sex differences in insulin homeostasis are not due to sex differences in nefa response to the meddiet . since hyperinsulinemia increases the risk of cardiovascular disease and type 2 diabetes mellitus , our results suggest that the meddiet may have particular benefits for cardiovascular health in men through its favorable effects on postprandial insulin concentrations .
further studies are needed to document underlying mechanisms behind this sex difference in response to the meddiet . | pubmed |
Days of Our Lives 1. Chapter 1
**So, guys. This is a two shots. I don't care what you ask, I have other fics to fry. But if you like it, then reviews are my lifeline, so...**
"Oh come on, Chad, I really need it tonight!" "Nuhun, Will, I have _the_ date tonight and I'm taking my car." "Who with?" "Not saying. You'll know later... I hope." "Ahh, man, you're not cool..." "What about buying yourself a car?" "I've been promised a convertible for my next birthday." "By whom?" "My stepdad." "EJ? Who's to say my brother won't change his mind? Or he'll get a fight with your mom and bam, no new car! So buy one now." "Even then, I can't buy one today... So give me those keys!" "No way!" "There is no date. You're making this up because of the ridiculously tiny dent I made the last time." "The mechanic didn't give me a tiny bill. And you still haven't paid for it by the way." "So you admit it!" "What?" "Not a date." "Is. And leave the counter, you're blocking the customers... Oh, hey, Will!" "What?" "Have you asked Sonny?"
Have I asked...? No freaking way. I mean I know Sonny is cool. As much as Chad, they're both great friends to have, really. It's just that Chad isn't into guys. And Sonny is... God, I don't even know what would be the right word. Dreamy? Gorgeous? Cute? Hot? Paralyzing? Devastating? He can see right through me... At least for almost every thing. He hasn't figured out what I feel when I'm around him. And he sure as hell won't know. So, no way I'm asking for his car. I'll go to the concert on foot, rather. If I leave now, I might get there for the last five minutes of the show... If they're an hour late. It's hopeless. I've asked my mom and she's using it. And EJ is very peculiar with his car. I've seen what he can do to people who are in his way. I'm not even trying. And T is away. D*mn!... I really really want to go...
So in the evening, I open the door to my dad's condo. And I guiltily take his car keys. Come on, it's an emergency. I'll never have another opportunity to see this band. I won't drink nothing and I'll be extra-careful. And it's not as if I planned on bringing someone else in it. There's no place in my head for anyone but Sonny. So, I'm confident it's gonna go smoothly. And I leave.
And of course, I was right. The band was fantastic and I even liked those who did the opening. I haven't bought their CD but the one I've got, covered with autographs is fantastic. I'm singing along in my car and I don't see the car at the stop sign. Luckily it's on the left so I don't die... Yet. Because when my dad hear of this, he's going to kill me anyway.
OK, I admit it, Chad didn't make the date up. He doesn't answer my calls and texts at all, so he must be getting lucky. I wonder who it is. But I can't lose time wondering, the tow truck is on its way and I've given the guy my number (He looked really freaked out. I'm not sure the blonde in his car was his wife. He's gonna send me the papers. I gave him Chad's address. I can't deal.) So I call Sonny.
"Will, are you OK? What's going on?" Awww. He doesn't shout that I've obviously woken him up (His voice is all muffled and I can just picture him with his hair more rumpled than usual. Each time I'm with him, I want to brush it...) He's worried. He knows I'm considerate that he has to work a lot. I try not to get him to panic "I'm fine. Really. But the car is toast. And I can't come home." "I'm on my way. Where are you?" I love you, Sonny. Well, not love, love. Just like a lot. Crush on... My heart is beating and I'm pacing, which is good as it's getting colder and I forgot my jacket at the concert now that I think of it. Crap! I let the CD in the car. God! This is not my night. And every car that passes is not Sonny. Is he really coming? Have I dreamt it?
The car lights turn and the window open. Sonny doesn't waste time "Jump in!... Wow, looks like you're freezing. You don't have a jacket?" I shake my head. Instead of starting the car again, he opens his door, takes off his own jacket, walks to my door and hands it to me "Put it on. Now." I want to say no, be dignified and stuff. But when he talks like that I always surrender. So I open the door, put it on and just say "Thanks." And he smiles. OK, I love him.
In the coffee-house, he's preparing an espresso and is looking at me sideways. So I blurt it out "It's my dad's!" He waits "I was not supposed to borrow it..." I give him the saddest look ever. I'm trying to look like a puppy. "Sonny, you have to help me cover it up. Please... It's not even the money. I'm just terrified..." Oh so much. I'm always sincere with Sonny (well, almost). He knows that, I hope. His brown eyes are piercing my soul. They're kind and deep and they haunt my nights. Will he agree to help me? "Will..."
2. Chapter 2
Even though, I love Sonny's voice, I don't like the tone in it. I feel a lecture coming. Apparently I wasn't cute enough "Will, I don't want to lecture you." Then don't! "What is done is done but I won't help you either... Or rather I will help you in a different way." What does he mean? Will he lend me the money? Actually that could be great. My father isn't back from his business trip before the end of next week. It's doable.
"I'll help you come clean." What? "What?" "I mean, I'll help you find the inner strength to tell your dad and be an adult about it." "Not for long. He'll kill me afterward. He's not EJ but he can still be pissed." He doesn't get it. What's the point of telling him? I don't need moral help, I need practical. "Thanks Sonny, for offering, but I'll ask Chad to help me, rather." I drink a few sips from my coffee cup and I walk to the door. I feel horrible, weak, almost naked. I'll try and avoid Sonny for a while. But his hand is on my sleeve and now I can't walk anymore because him touching me is making my body go into hibernation mode. I don't understand why and I can't think about it because my mind is shut too "I won't press it, Will. But if you decide to do it, I'll be there to coach you. You can call me anytime and I'll be there." Stop being so kind! I can't be your boyfriend because you're too fantastic and responsible and I'm pathetic and immature. So quit being great around me so that I can get over you... Pretty please? The frustration takes me out of the shocked state and I go out. I can walk home from here. Walk away from Sonny and his caring infuriating ways.
"No, Will!" "Yes, Chad. Because you're my best friend. And need I remind you, you're good at covering up?" "Don't even start, Will. I have a business and responsibilities, now. And I'm busy." "Who with? Your mysterious date?" "Yes. Sorry, Will, but you'll have to take the rap." I don't even whisper 'traitor' or 'I know some stuff' in a threatening way, because, let's face it, they're both right. I have to tell my dad. My guts ache and I feel like puking. I reach the bathrooms in the back just in time. When I'm done, I walk out the stall and Sonny is there. What's he doing here? I came now to talk to Chad because I knew he wouldn't be there.
"My god, you're so pale! Are you sick?" I give in "No, I just... reconsidered. If you still want to help me. I'll talk with my dad. But I'll need a job to reimburse him." I wait for a sparkle of triumph to appear in his eyes but he just look relieved. Funny that between Chad and him, he's the one who's offered his support. As if he cared more... And here I am, reading into things. When I have to face facts and worry financially.
I'm in my dorm room, listening to the CD I've retrieved from the car at the mechanic. I told him to wait to start repairs. I don't have enough cash as it is. I listen to the love songs and I think about Sonny. He said he'll pick me up after my classes tomorrow and we'll take a walk. I know it's not date-y but I'm still nervous and freaked out. I begin to doubt he'll be able and help me. Well, at least, I'll spend more time with him. Smell his scent. See his shining eyes. I love him. I wish I was dead.
We've spent the week going over it. I'm a bike wheel that Sonny has pumped up. Well, nor literally (I wish... Stop fantasizing!)... I feel confident and strong and devoted to him because he's sweet and patient and supportive and he doesn't judge me and think I'm a failure. I know because he's just told me "Go on, Will, I've known you for quite a while, now and I think you're a very sweet and strong guy. You just need a little push. I'm glad I could provide it." And when he says stuff like that, I believe him and I want to date myself. Well, no I want to date him, but you get the idea.
We're sitting in his car under the pouring rain and he's coaching me one last time "You'll feel better afterwards, whatever the outcome. I promise. And, you know what? If you don't I'll make it up to you. If you feel too down, I promise I'll let you have anything at the coffee-house free, for as long as you want." I'm tempted, their food is good. But I can't fake things with him so I'll be honest. In fact, when I take a last look at his big brown freaking eyes, I reach the point of total honesty "Thanks for everything, Sonny. You're what I've always looked for. I wish you could be my man." And with that, I open the car door and get myself wet to take the final plunge.
Two hours later...well, I'm still alive. And not disowned. And my dad even began his sentence with "I love you, Will, but..." So, I'll survive this. And I got a summer job with Chad's new girlfriend, so I might get enough to pay Dad in a few month. I reach the building door, feeling better than when I came in (Damn you Sonny!) and talking of Sonny, he actually came to pick me up and I melt inside. I walk up to the car and see him staring into space, mouth slightly open. I sit next to him.
"Thanks, Sonny, I appreciate the ride back. It's freezing now and I don't think it'll stop raining soo...Are you OK?" I'm not sure he heard me so I tap his shoulder. He turns to me, still gaping. "Is everything all right? You can tell me if a bad thing happened. I'm here for you too." "Are you?" It's a croak as if he's a toad inside the body of a hunk. That's a weird feeling. "Of course, Sonny. I owe you big and I like you." Now he's gulping and seeing his Adam apple bob up and down, it does something into my underwear. I plan a shower for later, waiting for him to remember there's a key to put in the ignition but he's still gawking "Sonny, did you stay in the car for two hours?"
And then, he's kissing me. Like there's no tomorrow. And there isn't one. Because I'm not hibernating this time, I'm fully erect, pun intended. I kiss him back and when we've mixed our tongue and panted in the other's mouth for long enough, I ask "What was that for?" And he answers "That's because I like you too. I do want to be your man." I must be smiling. Or maybe crying. Or both. I have no idea. The only brain cells still working come up with "So, I will get free stuff at the coffee-house, then? Coffee and food, and even kisses?" And he pushes my head against the car seat with his own and he answers "Anything you'll order. I've waited a long time for this. It's a shame about the car, but it got us there." "What car?"
**See? that was a two-shot! Hope you'll review as much as chapter 1, I was so glad you did! You guys are the best!**
3. Sonny's POV
**OK, this is not the follow-up, this is me listening to the reviews and getting caught in inspiration and writing the same story from Sonny's POV. Oh, stop laughing. Just read...**
**Sonny's POV**
I'm cleaning the coffee-maker as there's something sticking in it and I'm getting irritated. Chad comes back from the back door, all dressed up and I remember he has that date. The reason why I'm still here tonight, all on my own because one of our employees had a baby emergency. I sigh and call him "You better get lucky tonight. I don't want to have to console you later... I'm not in the mood to be sympathetic." "OK... Looks like it's a long time someone hasn't gotten some. How's the dating life? You're being too picky? This place is filled with guys drooling over you and wanting to get into your pants. If I was gay too, I'd try my luck with a different one every night." "Be my guest..." "No, seriously, bro, you should have some fun. You're worrying me." Go now, Chad and make this thing work. I'm OK, just under the weather..."
I'm not OK, but he doesn't need to know. I actually had planned on going out tonight. To get over Will. Or if not over, at least aside. Not to date or 'have fun' but to party a little. I can't look at other guys anyway. I mean, I've met plenty blond-haired, blue-eyed hunks in my life. But Will has erased any memories of them. He's not only the hottest man alive, he's also completely adorable and I can't help wanting to squeeze him and protect him from the big scary world. It's just that I know I must not do that. He has to grow and become his own person. And he's not into me. We're friends, sort of, but he's always acting a tiny bit distant. I figure he's aware I'm attracted to him and he doesn't want to send mixed signals.
So I end my shift and close up and go back to my place and go to bed, with Will's image burned in my brain all through it. When my cell rings, a few hours later, I'm not even surprised it's him. I must be dreaming and if I do, then he'll tell me he wants me. But when I touch the phone, I realize this is real life and it's 1 in the morning. I immediately run catastrophic scenarios in my head and so I start the conversation with "Will, are you OK? What's going on?" "I had a car accident..." I feel a cold sweat running down my back. "Are you hurt?" I sound whiny and my voice is high-pitched and I don't care. I need to know. "I'm fine. Really. But the car is toast. And I can't come home." Thank you God! "I'm on my way. Where are you?" It's in the middle of nowhere and there's no way I'm letting him stay here for too long. I rush to my car and try starting it when I noticed I'm still wearing night-clothes. I need a coffee. I need an adrenaline shot. I need to go fetch Will.
Five minuter later, I finally turn the key in the ignition and tap the approximate destination in the GPS. I know the way but I'm not taking chances. I already have to be careful not to drive too fast and to stop at lights and stop signs. No need for another accident. I feel important because I get to help him.
When I see a figure reflected in the car's light, against the night, I don't even check if it's him. "Jump in!" He sits next to me and I look at his beautiful face and body. But it's trembling. He must be cold. How did I not notice it immediately? I'm such a jerk. "Wow, looks like you're freezing. You don't have a jacket?"He shakes his head. He looks really shaken by the accident and I think he's putting a brave front. I open the car door and take my own jacket off. It is cold outside. I hand it to him and he takes it and looks at me like... like I just moved a mountain. I want to kiss him so much. Instead, I smile.
I take him to the coffee-house. We both need to drink something warm and I want to keep him a little longer. That's not as selfish as it sounds. I can feel he's uneasy and I want to get to the bottom of it. I wait and, Bam! Here it comes. "It's my dad's! I was not supposed to borrow it..." Ouch. Does this bring up memories. Although in my case, my parents knew I'd taken their car. Telling them I'd wrecked it all on my own was horrible. I can still hear my father's tone. He's a sweet compassionate man, so having him be angry is even worse. I felt I was a huge disappointment. Of course, he got over it quickly. "Sonny, you have to help me cover it up. Please... It's not even the money. I'm just terrified..." I get it, but I can't let him do that. Never mind the fact that he looks like a lost kitten in a cardboard box. I still have to be strong for him. He deserves it. Oh, so much. "Will..." I pause. I need to phrase this right. "Will, I don't want to lecture you." Now the look of betrayal. It's hard to face so I go on "What is done is done but I won't help you either... Or rather I will help you in a different way." Now, that sounds better, don't it? Well, no. He refuses my moral support offer and storms out. And I'm left with my overwhelming feelings and tow cups of cold coffee. I feel a failure of a friend. I feel all alone. I want him to come back. He might...?
And this traitor that is Chad _did_ get lucky yesterday. Not in the going-to-bed way, but in the 'Now I have a girlfriend and you don't" way (Not that I want a girlfriend... Oh, you know what I mean!) and he's rubbing it off. I came to pick up some papers I want to work on later and here he is, looking all bad "Oh, looks like the date went bad. I'm sorry" "What? No! It went great. I officially have a sweet girlfriend." "Then why are you brooding." "It's Will. He's in a mess." "Yeah, I know." "How?" "Long story." "He asked me some help. I can't and I feel I failed him, you know?" Yes.
I grab my stuff but Chad has left a cup on the desk and I knock it down. My hands get brown and sticky, so I head to the bathroom. I see the stall door open and Will come out. Oh my sweet Will... I will do anything. I'll take a loan, I'll give you my apartment, I'll sleep on your lawn, I'll... ask how you are... And as it happens, he does want my help and I feel my body melting.
We first meet at a Pub and we start talking about other stuff, like college and vacations. His eyes sparkle when he talks about rafting. I begin fantasizing of a trip with him down a rough river. Pretty lame fantasy, but it's mine and with Will, anything seems better. I ask about the band he saw at the concert and redirect the conversation to the matter at hand. I even put my hand on his. He's so stressed, he doesn't notice. I'm going to do that a lot this week. Then, I'll have to take lots of showers. Hmm, a shower with Will... Stop! And what did he just say? Oh, yeah...
I'm driving him to his dad's. We've covered everything. What he'll say, what he'll do. Where he'll go if his father is too angry. As for me, I'll go to my place once I've dropped him and cry myself to sleep. I'm pathetic. I need a life. I need Will...
I look at him and focus on his innocent, wide, gorgeous, amazing eyes and I fond a way to make him feel confident "You'll feel better afterwards, whatever the outcome. I promise." Then, I won't see him as much. How can I change that. I have an idea. "And, you know what? If you don't I'll make it up to you. If you feel too down, I promise I'll let you have anything at the coffee-house free, for as long as you want." Now, that is all shades of stupid. But I can't let go. He looks at me and out of the blue of his eyes, he says "Thanks for everything, Sonny. You're what I've always looked for. I wish you could be my man."
And the bastard doesn't stay. He goes out in the rain and I want to scream at him to come back. But, no, there's still his dad to talk to. And what will happen when we see each other again. Should I call him? Should I kiss him? Maybe I misunderstood or twisted his words. And what about my mom? She hates his mom! And he's young and inexperienced and I'm gonna mess this up... Or on the contrary, I'll be fine and he'll be amazing and... There's a tap on my shoulder. Oh, he's already back? Did things go that bad?
"Is everything all right? You can tell me if a bad thing happened. I'm here for you too." He's here for me... I got to be sure. I gather all the power of grayskull to manage and talk. "Are you?" He looks taken aback but then he says "Of course, Sonny. I owe you big and I like you." He likes me. He does. What does it mean? Shall I kiss him? "Sonny, did you stay in the car for two hours?" What?!
Hey, I'm kissing him! I am and he kisses me back. And I want to shout. But I also want to keep kissing him hard. And I'm hard. And I love him so much. He pulls away. He looks shy. Did I mention he was adorable? He is. "What was that for?" OK, let's make a clear statement and stop wasting time "That's because I like you too. I do want to be your man." Oh my god, he's weeping. And laughing at the same time and I want to take him home this minutes. "So, I will get free stuff at the coffee-house, then? Coffee and food, and even kisses?" That's Will. Passionate but practical. Well, I'm taking the package. I answer generously, after another kiss "Anything you'll order. I've waited a long time for this. It's a shame about the car, but it got us there." He asks cutely "What car?" YES!
4. Chapter 4
**Less humor and more feelings in that one. Hope you like it.**
**So, off we go! (Au frigo!)**
**Sonny**
I'm in front of the movie theater, hopping on my feet. Will is late. The film is starting soon, the previews must be running now. I sent him three texts already. A horrible thought crosses my mind. Did he have another car crash? Is a helicopter coming to take him to the hospital and is this the one I'm hearing above me? Or did his grandma die and he forgot us with all that grief? Or has he been robbed and the burglar took his cell? I give up and just call him "Will?" "Hi Sonny." "Hum, you remember we were going out tonight, didn't you?" If he's changed his mind, I won't survive it. His tone is a little restrained. The way he said my name was...
Two hands grab the collar of my jacket from behind "I'm sorry, Sonny, there was an emergency at my new work." I hang up, then turn and hug him. It feels_ so_ good to hold him. "Why didn't you text me back?" "I didn't want you to get angry. I figured if I told you in person, you'd be nicer?" I frown "Will, I would have believed you, you know. Just because you planned on hiding the truth to your dad the other day doesn't mean you're a compulsive liar. I've known you a while. I trust you." _And I love you._ But I'm not saying it just yet. No need to frighten him. And after all, it might be just a crush for me... No, of course it's not. He's in my every dreams, I barely slept last night and I was on my nerves all day. Now that he's here, I fell calm and confident. I tug his hand and we enter the theater.
I've wanted to see that film for so long. I've waited anxiously for the release date. I've postponed going to see it premiere because Will happened to me and then we agreed to go watch it as our first official date. And now, it's playing on the screen and I don't watch it. I watch Will watching it and enjoying himself and I don't want to do anything else. I'm pathetic.
**Will**
Sonny is staring at me. In the dark. I'm watching the film and it's good but a big part of my mind is on Sonny. I feel so excited and yet a little insecure still. I started all this. He might have been thrilled by the idea but what happens when it wears down? What if he realizes he's not really into me? Will I be able and stomach it? Can I really make him happy? All these thoughts are taking me out of the story. I bend my head to rest it on his shoulder. It is so comfy. He grabs my hand. Oh, I want to kiss him again so bad. But I feel shy. I'm over-thinking this. I have to stop. I love the man. Can that love guide me or something?
Oh, the film is over? Well, here's an opportunity missed. OK, time to smile. Show Sonny I like being with him. And it's true anyway. My guts are twisting. If I have to puke, this date will be a disaster. He's talking now "You want to go grab a drink?" I stammer "I'm not 21 yet." He sighs "I know... I meant... where we can both buy something... it's..." I can't stand it "Sonny, stop." "What?" He looks like a puppy like that and I don't think he's doing it on purpose. I feel braver all of a sudden "I'll follow you wherever you want to go. Just lead."
**Sonny**
When we are seated in front of our drinks (a beer for me as liquid courage and a soda for him), I relax. He is smiling at me and I notice we've entangled our hands on the table. Maybe that's why I feel better. I look into his liquid-courage-giving eyes and I forget to drink my beer. We aren't talking. We forget to somehow. It takes something like half an hour for him to say something and at first, he's mumbling "Sonny..." "Yeah?" "I... I need to tell you something." "Sure, go ahead." He's biting his lip. Don't do that, Will, I can't resist it and then I'll have to jump over the table and be inappropriate in public. I don't know what he wants to say but he can't spit it out. We should have small talked a little. But we know each other well already so it's not like I can ask him his favorite baseball team or his favorite color... Scratch that, I don't know his favorite color. Good. "You know what Will, I was just curious, what's your favorite color" He blushes but seems unstucked "Well... It used to be green, but now, I'd say it's brown... Light brown. What's yours?" "It's blue, always been." God knows why he's grinning from ear to ear. He must be really nervous if the piece of information creates that kind of response. Anyway, it's his turn "What are you planning to do this summer? Will you travel again? Or will you stay for the coffee-house?" Oh. Why is he asking that? What's the subtext? I choose to be straightforward "I haven't thought so far ahead actually. I guess I could take a short vacation. I guess, I'd like to spend that time with you... Maybe go on a short trip or do lots of fun things here? Are _you_ working this summer?" Apparently, I've answered right. He tilts his head "I am but only in July. I'm glad you said that. I was thinking we could go rafting, maybe?" "Sure, I'd love that." What is going _on_? Now he's shy and silent again. I don't get it. I look at my watch. His face fall. If I want to salvage this date, I have to act quick and strong. "I have to get up early for tomorrow. Can I take you to your car?" He nods and I get up without letting go of his hand. We walk outside and I lead him to an empty alley. "My car's the other way, Sonny..."
**Will**
I'm the one staring now. Into his warm walnut sparkling eyes and it takes me a few minutes after we've sat (I don't know exactly, I didn't look at the clock...) to try and tell him that I have very very strong feelings for him. That I'm in love with him. But I can't proceed. I cannot take the risk of having him be embarrassed. I mean, he hadn't seen me that way until yesterday night. He must need time to develop feelings (What if he doesn't... Oh, _God_!). He must have an idea of what's going on because he changes the subject in a very heavy way. What is he asking? My favorite color? OK, I'll give you a clue, walnut-boy. He doesn't react when I describe him. Maybe I shouldn't have said brown. No, nothing. And then, he answers "It's blue, always been." oh, yes! I have blue eyes. So, he likes them! Now he's waiting for me to say something else. Maybe I can see if he's really into me that he can picture being together... in a few month at least. So I talk vacation time. And what he says is perfect. I love him. "Sure, I'd love that." Did he say 'that' or 'you'? If it's the latter and I didn't catch it, I'll hate myself. I can't ask him to repeat, though. He would look at me like I'm weird... like he's looking at me now, actually. Oh, sh...! And the bastard looks at his watch. Is he really that bored? I don't know what to think of that date, is it perfect, or completely screwed?
We are outside and he's tugging my hand and leading me to a small dark street. My heart is beating, but I have to be sure if he's aiming for what I think... hope! "My car's the other way, Sonny..." He looks at me and bam, it's back. That link we had yesterday. I give him a peck on the lips. He tastes so good. Lots of coffee and lots of sweetness. And as he kisses me back and makes me open my mouth, words go out and they mingle together. We are both saying "I love you".
5. Chapter 5
**Will**
I close the door after one last kiss from Sonny. That's six in total. Not bad for a first date! Now it's time to go to bed. I have an essay to write for college tomorrow, I need my sleep (my beauty-sleep... I need that too. Sonny has asked I come to Common Ground and I don't want dark shadows under my eyes...) but I'm so damn excited, I keep prancing and roaming in my dorm room. I'm shaking my hands and yet I can still feel the sensation of Sonny's fingers in them. His skin is so soft. He's like a baby. And his hair... Drives me nuts. I'm thinking of cutting a lock and keep it but that would be awfully creepy, right? And old-fashioned too. I kind of see why they did that at the time. I miss Sonny's physical presence so much it hurts. Well, like it did before I told him how I felt, but now at least, I can do something to alleviate it a little. I fish in my pocket... Fuck where's my phone? I think very fast. Last time I had it... I was walking to the movie theater. I took it and wondered if I should tell Sonny I was late and then... No idea... Shit!
**Sonny**
I sit in the car seat and I let out a loooong sigh. God that date was nerve-racking. But so worth it. Hearing Will say I love you, over and over, that took my breath away. And his kisses are burned into my lips. When I feel able to drive (Half an hour has passed already? Will is messing with my capacity to function efficiently), I move a little for a more comfortable position. There's something on the seat, though. I grab Will's cell-phone. Oh-oh! What should I do? Give it back tomorrow when he comes to the coffee-house? (I had to ask for that, I won't survive a whole day without touching him...) Or bring it now as I'm still in front of his dorm building...? Problem is, he's got a room just for him (That's fancy dorms!) and if I go in, how will I ever get the strength to go out? I'm human and Will is Will. I've wanted him for so long...
I choose to be a good boyfriend (Fuck! We are boyfriends. We know each other so well and when you tell someone you love him, that equals exclusive.) and mentally buckle a chastity belt. I'll think about the coffee-house. There's a problem with the accounts... Yes, it's working! I knock softly. If he's already asleep, I'll leave.
**Will**
I don't have a phone in that room. So I can't try and call my cell. The worst part is I could wait for tomorrow without problems, it ain't the first time I've misplaced it. But I can't text Sonny and I want to so much. I want him to go to bed with a written statement of my feelings for him. Should I send him a mail? But he might not read it? Well, that's the most I can do. I'm turning the computer screen on when I hear a scratch at the door. Is it Jack again, asking me for my notes and ideas and basically writing his essay for him? I sent him away the last time he tried. I try and look stern and inflexible. But then the door opens...
**Sonny**
Wow, what is going on? He looks so pissed! Is it because of the phone? I'm ready to hand it and get the fuck away but he blinks a few times, his eyelashes flushing against his cheek and that hypnotizes me. Then he grins so wide I feel like bursting. Literally as much as figuratively. The financial worries aren't working any more so I think about telling my mom I'm dating Will. This works too well. Now I'm sad. I need a kiss. Will provides it. "Thanks Sonny. I wanted to text you and then I realized..." "What did you want to write me? I had just left. Was there a problem?" And he gets all cute and I have to hug him. "I wanted to write that I loved you. So that you could read it as much as you want... Is that cheesy?" I cannot resist "That is cheesy Will. Extremely. And I love the idea. Thanks." Wait, what is he doing?
**Will**
I've just pinched his butt... Oh my! Being in his arms, feeling his bust, his legs, his... excitement. I had to release the pressure. But now I have to deal with his reaction. He almost jumps. I thought I was gentle though? Now he's stammering "I have to go now... Common Ground... I open..." He's red as a beetroot. I'm doing that to him. This is cool and very frightening. I haven't discuss this with him yet. He must suspect it... Not sure, actually. We've talked a lot but he might think I haven't shared everything about my love life. How can I say : you're driving me crazy but I'm a total virgin so, do not expect too much? Especially if I attack him like that. I could apologize "Sorry, Sonny, I shouldn't have. You have a great butt, I couldn't resist." He has a shy modest smile and I want to pounce him "It's OK, Will, I appreciated it. It was just unexpected... But this is our first date and..." He's looking down and so am I. Not for the same reason. I'm looking at him, down. I clear my throat. The tension is thick.
**Sonny**
Against Will's hotness, nothing works. I'm a slave to my hormones and my emotions. My jeans are way too tight now. I look up and catch his gaze. He's noticed. He blushes and I hear a grumble. I am a gentleman. I love Will and I respect him. I don't even know his past in that matter. He came out a few month ago. Was it because...? And now I'm jealous of unknown fictional guys. My blood is boiling. How will I survive such an intense relationship? Will smiles like the angel that he is and says "You're right Sonny, we should go to sleep... I mean you should leave... I mean..." He looks conflicted. It's up to me. I reach the door, I don't know how and turn to send an air kiss. His smile softens. I might go but I'm taking him with me... in my memories. And in my dreams surely.
**Will**
Oh, Sonny, you're gorgeous. I love you so much. When you'll want it I'll be ready. I swear. He's finally gone and I lay on my bed with my clothes on. I still cannot sleep. My body is as tight as a bow string. I take my cell and sends "Miss you already. Love you." since I'm allowed to be cheesy. He replies ten minutes later. "I can't sleep, yet. Can't stop thinking about you. You're amazing." Okay, forget sleep. I'll begin my essay now. As long as I'm up for 5 pm, it'll be good. Sonny said he has a surprise for me and I cannot wait to find out...
6. Chapter 6
**Will**
I have drunk lots of coffee. But I'll still need some more. If possible served by my favorite barista. The one who's responsible for my lack of sleep. I've finished my essay and managed to grasp a few snores but then the whole dorm had loudly woken up, around 8, and while I was up, I started getting excited about this afternoon and I couldn't go back to sleep. Is it normal that I get into such a state? I've had feelings for Sonny for over a year, I should be used to them. But entering Common Ground and seeing him smile at me, looking like he thinks I'm the most important person in the room, in the world even, it takes my breath away. I've spent one hour earlier getting ready, to get that reaction from him, yet it's a wonder. I walk to the counter, forcing my feet to go at a slow pace. Of course, I want to run in his arms, even jump in them, but I can't do that in public. I stop in front of him and just stare in his beautiful dark eyes. No need to talk right now. We connect.
**Sonny**
How does he do it? Each time I see him, he looks even more gorgeous. I lock eyes with him and forget where I am for a moment. Until a cough takes me out of the trance we share, Will and I. I turn to my current customer, a well-dressed lady who glances at Will, then gives me a knowing smile. I gesture to Will to come behind the counter. I want a kiss. Now.
Oh god, this is good! Why am I at work? I have to act professional, show self-restraint and I can hardly breathe. How on earth did Will choose to be with me? That guy could have the world. I'm quite OK with how I look but he's...
I manage to smile and tell him to sit and wait for me. I hope he'll like my surprise.
**Will**
Maybe, if I said I needed something in the back room, he'll follow me and we could make out? His hair is calling to me. I want to tug it and brush it and I want to nibble his ears... Pheeew. What did he put in that coffee he's given me? A love elixir? He's convinced me last year to try new stuff, like latte and cappuccinos and at the time I said yes to everything he said, just to spend more time with him. I've grown a taste for some of them but I've mostly grown a taste for Sonny's skin since the other day. And dark-as-coffee eyes. I shake myself and look at my cell for a while. I got a text from my cousin Abby. Our cousin in fact. I told her about Sonny before. Well, not by name, obviously... Just said I had a crush. So that she would stop pushing me to meet someone new. So, why is she writing : I'm so excited on her mail title? Did Sonny tell her? Is it about something else? I don't have time to open the message. Sonny is sitting next to me in the booth. I turn and kiss him. Mmmm. He's grinning like a fool...
"So what's my surprise then?" "What?" "Oh, there wasn't one, you were just trying to lure me..." "No... yes... no..." I kiss him again. He rubs his eyes. Is he tired "When you look at me like that, I forget everything, Will... Like telling you I got a few tickets to this big indie music festival in Washington state. There are all these groups you like. And Abby has managed to get us cheap plane tickets. It's in two weeks." Oh, Wow! I've heard about this festival. I cannot wait to... "Sonny, who are we going with?" "Oh, Chad and his girlfriend Rory, and Abby and her brother and us! We are all shacking up at this motel, I hope it won't be too shabby..." Then he smiles to the end of his face and says "We got a room together, by the way."
I must look upset. I try not too but this is such a shock. I want Sonny in a bed in the near future, believe you me, but that's really near! Time to put on a brave smile. "What's the matter, is there a problem?" "No, I'm really excited actually." After all, I have two weeks. I can prepare psychologically. And it will be romantic. Even if it's shabby. My smile is becoming more sincere.
**Sonny**
He looks excited, but something is wrong. He always tell me everything. Maybe he wanted to go without the others? No, Will isn't like that. He loves his friends. Like he loves me. And now he's grinning and I kiss him just once, very sweetly but quickly and I get up before I change my mind.
"I have to work now, you want to stay?" "Sure, I can look at my economy books." "Good, study hard. I've ordered for an educated boyfriend." "and I've ordered for a muffin a while ago, to your waitress. You think she's forgotten me?" "Lorna? I'll go and check."
**Will**
My nose is deep in my books when I hear a clang. He's put a plate with a muffin on it. He's written on it with fruit syrup, it seems. Hope it's raspberry! It reads '3 U, S' "I thought you were working?" "What can you say, I got inspired." I think I'll stay late. Until he closes. I'll help him after. He'll have to take me back in his car. That's a plan. Now, study...
I have spent every two minutes staring and every other reading. That's not productive at all. Maybe if I sat on the opposite chair. Yeah, that's a little better. I only see him when he goes to the corner of the room. I raise my head way less. Some knowledge is assimilated. About international economic laws. Is he passing by more often? I'm back to my Noddy way, looking up and down... I get a kiss on the temple and a "Sorry..." Then I don't see him for a while. He must be in the back room. I must not fantasize. I must not. Oh, what the...
I've been good. I've resumed studying, when my head got too hot, I've helped him clean and close. I've sat in the car and my hand has not gone on his knee so he would drive safe. But now I have to get out and I'm frustrated again. "Sonny?" Yeah?" can we sit in the back of the car for a minute? "Why?" "I'd like to make out with you..."
He's laughing so hard he's crying. I'm pouting but I'm still hoping. "I'm so sorry, Will. You sounded so serious, like a kid asking for permission to his grandma." I don't react. No need to be led astray. I want my make-out session.
Oh, yessssss... Sonny isn't laughing now. He looks almost vulnerable. "Thanks for the invitation to the festival. You'll have to tell me how much I owe you before, though, I have to economize a lot, I'm still reimbursing my dad." "Will, you're not paying anything." "Come on, Sonny, I can't let you pay!" "What if I pay and you kiss me as much as I want?" "I'm already kissing you." "Not enough."
Ohh, Sonny, you shouldn't have said that.
One hour later, I get into the building. I can feel the mark Sonny's belt buckle has made on my waist. We haven't gone past french kissing but damn, that was so hot!
Oh, crap, I'm supposed to sleep tonight too. How do you do it? _Beep_.
'Go to bed, sleep tight. Dream of me.'
And I do.
7. Chapter 7
**Sonny**
I miss him. How can I miss him, now that he's with me? Let me remind myself that I've hurt for months because I couldn't date him. Maybe I miss his lips, so soft and swollen, that he's wrapping around mine, as if I'm his Mounds candy bar. Or I miss his hand, the one that keeps going into my hair, pressing lightly against my skull... Truth is, I miss something that hasn't happened yet: him lying next to me, in my bed. Or his, I'm not choosy. Or the back of my car or the beach, or the moon...
The cold water is effective but it doesn't take away THE question: how long? When can I make a move without Will freaking out? I love him so much, there's no way I'm making that kind of mistakes. He is making my body short-circuit and I know he wants me. The way he asks for making-out is so adorable. But that's just the thing. He's inexperienced. He's innocent and trustful. There is no way he had... anything with other guys, I'm sure of it now. I begin putting clothes on, still pushing away inappropriate pictures of my Will-o'-the-wisp out of my mind, until I look down and strip up. Will is messing up with my sense of fashion. I'm wearing my ski pants with my warmest pullover. And it's late spring.
He's working today and so am I. I have a phone meeting with a supplier and Chad and I must interview a new barista and there is no way I'm not touching Will before noon. He's living at his grandma right now, 'cause she lives the nearest to his job. I have plenty of time, since I've woken up at 4 am, out of missing Will so much and I've got an idea.
**Will**
My dad is out of town, _again_, so I need to look up the time to cal him without waking him up. I have a favor to ask and I will need to be super-diplomatic after the car fiasco to get him to say yes. This time I am asking for permission and I really need it... I get out of the shower and walk back to my bedroom when I hear a doorbell. At 6:30? What the hell is going on? I run to the door. If I can send the intruder away, my grandma will get to sleep longer. She looks tired those days. I look into the peephole and my heart misses a beat. I open noiselessly and I stare at him, grinning like an idiot. He doesn't move nor smile, he looks stricken. I shiver and wonder what's going on in his head when I realize why I shivered. I'm still a little wet. And wearing a towel. I'm standing in front of my boyfriend bare-chested and dripping water and it's not a dream. I repeat this is not a dream. This is a real emergency! The good point is that I don't shiver of cold anymore. I'm feeling as hot as a volcano. Ready to erupt. Which, by the way is showing. Damn towels are no good in hiding anything! And my Sonny looks so lost with the distress in his eyes and his arms swaying nervously, flapping the bag he's holding... Oh wait, a distraction-inducing object! Just what I needed "Hello, Son, you're bringing me something?" Then I wait patiently... well no impatiently as I'm a bag of nerves. Is this a pharmacy bag with an anti-anxiety prescription in it? 'cause I need some badly. After a verrrrry long time (which must be about 2 minutes but that's 2 minutes of embarrassment I'll never get back), he shakes the bag and utters "Croissants." Then "I brought croissants. For you." While I'm going all soft inside from such a sweet attention, he finally makes a correct statement "Hum... I went to the bakery and I bought croissant for you and your grandma. I wanted to see you this morning and..."
**Sonny**
I reach the apartment door with a fantastic pep talk. Something along the line of "It'll be awesome taking our time with Will. We'll get to be comfortable with each other. And it will be a meaningful connection and..." … and then he opens the door.
Where is my jaw? Do I still have one? Has it disappeared along with my cornea, which burned out from the sight? Will is more scorching than the sun itself. There is a towel and it's got a bump on the front. A _big_ bump. Can I take him in the hallway? Please? I'll be good at it I promise...
The tension of not doing that, which is all I think of right now, is driving me crazy. In the blur of my mind I make up a word at some point "...bag..." What does that mean? Oh, yeeeah, I've got a bag. And there's no condoms in it, I swear! Just... "Croissants." Okay, that's not a sentence. Try again "I brought croissants. For you." Slightly better. Plus focusing on the words unfocuses me from the rest. So here it is. Clear of the lustful throat and "Hum... I went to the bakery and I bought croissant for you and your grandma. I wanted to see you this morning and..." and can I come in? I promise I won't ravish you. He takes the hint and takes my hand but when we're in he looks down at his towel and mumbles "The kitchen's that way. I'll go put clothes on."
Marlena is a cool lady. I love chatting with her. And she loves croissants. I'm telling her about my past trips around the world and my stay in Paris. Will is listening too, I'm not sure I told him that. Well, I'd rather not tell him the whole of it. There was a guy there. Or maybe I'll tell him later. I don't want to hide things from him. But I don't want him to feel pressured or compared to. Nobody, no body can compare with him. He's laughing at a joke and I'm melting. He's mine. No, in fact I'm his. And being patient will be easy, I realize it now. He may be the hottest and the fairest and the most kissable and all... He's Will, he makes every tension, every embarrassment worth it. I can't wait to be alone with him to make him understand that. The sex will have to wait some more.
8. Chapter 8
**Will**
I was finally able and reach my dad and he said yes. And delivered a loooong lecture. I've promise to be careful and I will. I'm sure things will turn out fine though. I say good bye and I wait for Sonny. I'm on a bench outside and it's the week-end again and my gorgeous boyfriend is coming to get me... _Beep_. I hear it but I don't feel like moving. I keep my eyes closed, enjoying the sun's heat on my face and just relax, _Beep_. OK, I will look, annoying cell-phone! I officially dislike you and...
'**Sorry, can't make it. Employee bailed on me. Don't know when I'll be free.**' No, nonono, you don't... I don't want to act like a brat but I had planned everything and I feel so frustrated, I want to cry. I wipe my eyes discreetly. The cell screen comes into focus again. There's another text '**Found help. B with you in 2 hours. I miss U so much, it isn't funny.**' Telling me that kind of stuff should be outlawed. OK, time to bounce and adapt.
Sonny calls me an hour and a half later "Will, I'm so sorry. I've found a replacement, I'm on my way. Where are you?" "I'm at the Asian Palace, you know, the one outside of town, near the lake?" "Sure, love this place! I'll be right there! Love you!" "Love you!" I hang up and start walking up and down. This is so stressful. I could run a marathon right now, with all this pent-up energy. I get a text from Abby and we start chatting back and forth, until I hear and recognize the sound of Sonny's car approaching. Call it a gift. Or an obsession. Which I'm allowed, now, cause that awesome guy is my boyfriend! So I'd better not f* things up tonight...
I take his hand and hold the door for him. I pull the chair, I say "This is my treat tonight" I've checked the prices beforehand. I can afford it. It's not like I'm spending like a maniac these days. Just this new pair of jeans... And this shirt, but it was half price... and new underwear... Sonny's eye bore into mine and I blush, wondering if he likes how I look. It's not as if I can ask him, like my little sister the other day "Will, do you think I look pretty in that dress?" Of course, I agreed. She's adorable. But I'm aiming at more than adorable tonight, so I better have made the right choices...
**Sonny**
I'm looking into his eyes because if I look elsewhere on him, I'm gonna faint. He's gorgeous and he knows it. He's playing me like a fiddle. And my bow is getting wooden... Time to use a diversion. Like asking him...? I know "So, do you have some CDs of the band we'll see at the festival? I wouldn't mind listening to some before, to see which one I like best." Will, come on, answer... He's shaking his head, startled and replies "Oh, hum, sure. We can do that... In fact, it's a great idea!" His smile is nervous and cute and I bend over the table to kiss him. We're getting into it a little too much for a public place and we hear a cough "Hello, gentlemen... What would you like to order?" Well, that's easy, this is an all-you can-eat buffet. Oh, he means the drinks... Well, none for my under-aged boyfriend and none for me, as I need all my self-restraint when I'm near Will. The waiter leaves and we grab plates enthusiastically. After five minutes, Will sits with an over-flowing plate. I must have smiled, because he's got a cocky look and a smirk, as if daring me to comment on it. I don't and starts to eat. God this is good! We chat for a while and it's fun and light and interesting and I love that about us. That we're friends, as much as lovers... well boyfriends, as the word lover brings other images to my mind, like how he looks in swimsuits... When dinner is over, we walk out of the restaurant and I pull him into a hard kiss. He responds to each stroke of the tongue and I'm blissfully happy. Then, he says, like the thought just occurred to him "We could do to my dad's place. I have CDs there, and he's out of town..." "Are you sure? He might not like the idea o us hanging here?" "No, no, it's OK, I told him about you, he said I could!" He's waving two breathtaking innocent gorgeous blue eyes and I can't help it... "Will, this is me... I need you to be really honest..." Oh, god, don't look hurt and offended like that... I love you!
**Will**
Oh, come on! Yes, Sonny, I did ask! I shouldn't feel bad like that, but this is not good. I hate it now, that I asked him to cover up something for me... Which is why you should always own up, I see it now... But I don't want a second dad, I want a boyfriend! How can I ever be intimate with him if there's no trust between us? I got to find a way. "Sonny, I'm sorry, I acted in an immature way, before. The thing is, I will always fear my dad a little. I don't think it will change for a while. But I never lied to you and I need you to know that I don't intend to ever. You're such a great, confident guy, I want to be worthy of you. I assure you, it is all fine." So? He's sighing and brushing my chin "I'm so sorry, Will, I shouldn't have reacted that way. I don't want to make you feel like a kid. I guess, I'm a little nervous about the idea of meeting your dad one day and I wouldn't like to be at fault about anything. I will need to win him over, because you love him and..." I shut him up with my lips.
**Sonny**
"So, let's go and listen to all that music, then, instead of standing in that dark parking lot, OK?" "Sure." We have to part for the drive, as I'll need my car to go back home later. Will looks about to add something but he doesn't and I ponder on that until I reach his father's building. We go in and it's a very _chic_ apartment, very spacey. We go to Will's room and he's got a little couch in it. It's quite worn out, in contrast with the rest of the room, and I guess he found it on his own and I want to sit on it. He puts a CD on and joins me. I start listening for five seconds, till I feel a hand on my thigh and we start kissing. He's groping me and I moan a little, he really knows how to push my buttons... and open them... oh my god! "Will... what are you doing?" "Sonny..." he sounds reproachful and I flip out. I jump and stand up "Wait, Will, you really want to...?"
**Last chapter with a T rating guys!**
End file.
| fanfiction |
Harry Potter 1. Who Am I?
A/N:I do not own the Harry Potter series...but i wish i did :D
Chapter 1:Who am i?
It was a beautiful summer day and a rare one at that,because this was one of the days in wich Hermione Granger slept nother sudenly walked in her room and opened the curtains to let some light into the pulled the covers over her face and hair,so that she was snuggled deep into the blankets.
"Hermione get up,it's 1 pm" her mother said
"Uuuugh...5 more minutes mum"
She pulled Hermiones sheets down to her waist,when she saw her daughters features she gasped and covered her mouth with her palm and called out for her Granger came running in and when he saw his daughter his face fell,he knew that he would lose his daughter.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" Hermione asked feeling very confused
"Get out of bed sweety and come with me" he said to Hermione
"Alright?" she answered unsurely
As she got out of bed she felt very,very...diferent?
She couldn't quite put her finger on it,but she felt weird,but not in a bad weird then got out of bed and followed her dad to the then led her to the full lenght then she got the biggest shock of in her intire life,because she wasn't looking at the bushy,brown haired,chocolate brown eyed,slim,petite girl,lokking at her was a dark haired,blue eyed,hour-glass shaped girl and she was the lifted her hand and touched her face,all of this just seamed too sureal and then she remembered that her dad was there,so she turned around and faced him and asked
"Who am i?"
2. Coming To Terms
A/N:I do not own any of the Harry Potter books or characters i only own the plot
Draco:"But you wish you ownd us" *smirk*
Me:"So what if i do who doesn't"
Draco:"Well, i don't know about Potter,but i do know that they want me"
Harry:"Hey!I know that we're enemies,but come on!"
Me:"Can you two shut it so i can continue with MY storie"
Harry:"Fine"
Moving onto the storie:
"Sweetheart, you might want to sit down" all she did was nod and went to her was sitting on her bed while her "parents" explained
"Well, you see Hermione, me and Jean we've been trying to conceive a child for 2 years, but not even once had it work" said Richard
"So i suggested that we should adopt and we did" her "mother" then continued
"So, i'm adopted i figured that out already" Hermione muttered "Do you know who my parents are and why they gave me up for adoption?"
"I think that they would want to tell you that themselves" said Richard
"What do you mean? Are they coming here?" Hermione was getting a bit exited and she really wanted to know who they only gave her a nod.
"So when are they coming?"
"They should be here any minute now" he continued
"Ummmm so is Hermione my real name ore..."
"No, your real name is Beatrice Clare Zabini" said a woman with dark hair and blue eyes, she looked similar like Hermione/Beatrice
"We apologise for barging in like that, but we were just to eager to finally meet our daughter" said the man next to the woman who is her biological mother.
"M-M-Mum? D-D-D-Dad?" Beatrice (A/N:i'm calling her by her real name) bioligical mother opened her arms and a smile on her face formed as she saw how eagerly Beatrice got up and went to hug a few seconds she heard a chuckle, as she withdrew from the hug she found the source, it was her brother Blaise he hasn't really been mean to her and he's never called her a mudblood, but he was best friends with Draco , she would do anything to just see his face when he was told that she formerly known as Hermione Granger was actually Beatrice Zabini, his best friend sister.
"Bea, we're so sorry for giving you up, but we has said that we could only have one child..." Esme (her mother) said, Beatrice interrupted her
"I'm sorry for interrupting,but why only one" she asked curiously
"Because if we had more than that one, than that would mean that we'd be spending more time with our kids rather than our missiond" her mother continued
"So are me and Blaise twins?"
"No,actually you're exactly at 9 months i was saying, we could only have one,but after 2 months i found out that i was pregnant again, i was extatic, so i went to tell your father when i remembered about the one child thing, i was worried as hell, so me and your father agreed to put you for adoption in a muggle adoption agency, we didn't want to really,but we had to ore you would have been i were adopted by the Grangers and thank you very much Mr. and Mrs. Granger for looking after our baby you've done a magnificent job" said Esme
"But could you please at least consider coming back to us?" her father asked her
Beatrice looked at her adoptive parents and they nodded encouragingly, she then turned towards her biological parents and said
"I would love to come back"
Her mother then sprung to her feet and hugged her daughter tightly
"We should get going" her father said
"But what about my things?"
"The house-elves are going to take them to the Manor" Blaise then went toward him and hugged was in shock, but quickly came out of it and hugged her back then whispered to him
"Thank you for not insulting me so much"
"I'm sorry for insulting you at all, but really we had to none of us wanted to not even Draco.."
Beatrice then pulled back and looked at him with wide eyes.
"No, seriously he didn't, but he was the one that really had to he actually even had a crush on you, he still might" Blaise winked at her then
Beatrice blushed at that.
"Well then let's get a move on" he said to their parents
"Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Granger for everything" Beatrice said as she grabbed Bleaise's hand and they disapparated.
A/M:Well that was the second chapter hope you liked it :D
3. My New Home
A/N:This is how they look like:
Beatrice: /image/1095623/original/
Blaise: clubs/no-ends-book-33/images/24431569/title/tristan-marcus-evers-gaspard-ulliel-photo
Esme:
Benjamin(their dad): .
Zabini Manor: medias/dfp/917
just so you know i'm bad at descriptions...
They landed infront of huge,black gates infront of a georgeous was stuning,with a capital has never seen such a beautiful house then poked her on the shoulder and she turned towards him.
"Do you like it?" he asked her
"Like it?I love 's georgeous,i've never seen a house this beautiful before."
"Wait till you see the inside" he said as they started walking towards the they got to the door,a house-elf opened it and they walked was literally stunned,ahe just stood there gaping at the sight infront of her(A/N:the living room: beautiful-modern-living-room-ideas/modern-living-space-ideas-at-beautiful-modern-living-room-ideas/ ).It was amaizing and they even had a got out of her trance when she heard her brother chuckle.
"If you're going to react like that to every single room in this house,i bet it's going to take about a week for us to finish your tour" he said
"I'm sorry,it's just...stunning.I've never seen a house this beautiful"
"Yeah,well you should see the rest of it" she nodded enthusiastically
"Hey,where did mum and dad go?"
"Well,dad whent to his study,while mum went to Madam Malkins"
"Why is she there?"
"Oh, she went there to get her dress for Saturdays party,oh mum's waking you up early tomorrow"
"What's going on tomorrowand what party?"
"Well tomorrow you're get your measurement for your dress and on saturday is your 'Welcome Home' party"
"My what!?" she nearly shrieked
"Your 'Welcome Home' you deaf?"
"Who's gonna be there" she asked a bit worriedly
"Well family members and almost every pureblood family in about you get some rest and we'll rescedule the tour,you look a bit if you need anything just call Twinky,she's your personal elf"
Beatrice tottaly forgot about the S.P.E.W. thing,if they were happy working like this then she was fine with then led her to her room(A/N: )
"Oh, and if you need anything i'm right across the hall" Blaise said to her as he started walking towards his room.
"Okay and thanks!" ahe yelled after she went into her walk-in closet,which was filled with her clothes and some new ones, and put on her small,black night gown and went to sleep.
The next morning she was rudely awaken by her brother jumping on her bed.
"BLAISE YOU BLOODY GIT GET OFF ME!" ahe then pushed him on the then heard a chuckle coming from her bedroom then looked up to see none other than Draco Malfoy,she then got up,went towards Blaise,grabed him by the collar,yanked him off the floor and hissed.
" have some explaining to do"
"As do at what your wearing and infront of my best -tsk-tsk and i thought you knew better" he said jokingly
"I'll tell you what i'm wearing you insufrable,bloody git!" she yelled at him as she let go of his collar.
"Aaaaaaw and it's only been the first day"
"You better get out of my room right now ore i swear i'll knock your teeth out" she snarled
"Okay,okay calm down" he said as he backed towards the door
"Well, next time you'll know not to wake me up"
"Yes,yes, i'll -bye dear sister" she then threw her alarm clock at him,but he dodged went in her closet and put on riped,faded jeans(A/N: living/do-you-wash-your-denim/question-3436299/?page=2&link=ibaf&q=&imgurl= . ),a black tank-top,heels( . ) and she left her hair she called Twinky.
"What may Twinky do for yous Miss"
"Hi Twinky,could you please lead me down to the dinning hall"
"Twinky would do that Miss,Twinky will" Twinky led her to the dinning room ( ) where she saw her dad sitting at the head of the table,her mother on his right side and her brother and Malfoy on his parents saw her and they smiled at her,she smiled back and said to Twinky
"Thank you and i might need you again later on"
"Twinky is glad that me's can help Miss" Twinky said extatically
"Bye Twinky" Beatrice said as Twinky popped then sat down next to her mother then kissed her cheek and asked
"How did you sleep sweetheart?"
"Perfectly" she said as she glared at her brother, and all he did was smile inocently at her.
"Good,well you do know that we're going shopping today,right."
" time are we going?"
"Right after breakfast"
"Alright" she said as she took a bite of her toast
"Oh and Narcissa is coming with us, i wanted her to meet you" Beatrice started choking on her started hitting her softly on her back
"Are you alright sweet heart?" Beatrice stopped
"Yes,i'm alright.S-s-so when i-is she c-c-coming" she stuttered
"In a few minutes" Esme then whispered in her ear
"So do you like Draco?"
Beatrice started choking again.
"Are you trying to kill her mother?" Blaise said jokingly
"Oh, really it of" Esme said after Beatrice fireplace suddenly roared and Narcissa Malfoy stepped out
"Cissy!" her mother said as she went to hug her
"Esme!It's good to see you"
"It's good to see you, come say hello"
"That's -my-my,she's beautiful" Narcissa said as Beatrice went towards them
"Hello, "
"Nonesensse, call me Narcissa ore Cissy for short"
"Arlight...Narcissa" Narcissa smiled at her and said
"Shall we go?"
"You go first Bea" Esme said
Beatrice then took some floo-powder,stepped into the fireplace and said
"Diagon Alley"
End file.
| fanfiction |
Harry Potter One Of The Brightest
I didn't invent Harry Potter
Rain fell in a light spray, dowsing parched lawns and parked cars. Number 4 Privet Drive looked the same as it had always looked, only the people in it changed. Where once two fat males, a horse faced woman and a small skinny, bespectacled boy lived, now beautiful brown haired blue eyes children played, now happy families laugh and cry and live.
'The "savior" of our world died here' Severus thought bitterly. 'Not even a monument to mark it.'
'The boy who can't stop showing off is gone, he fulfilled his purpose before he left'
Severus pulled up his sleeve, revealing pale white arms, and blemish free skin. The mark was gone now but he couldn't help checking every now and then.
The Dursleys had been home when The Dark Lord came, and finally they showed that they too, were people worth knowing. Vernon shouting for all of them to run, even Harry, who naturally ignored this, his hero tendencies too strong to ignore. As Voldemort disdainfully killed Petunia and Vernon, Harry fought and struggled to save the cousin he despised.
'Why would you do that?' Severus said out loud. There was no one in the street to hear, not that Snape would have cared. 'He hated him.'
It was pointless in the end, for Dudley died, and Harry too, although he managed to kill Voldemort. By the time the order got there, Harry had breathed his last, his massive cousin a few feet away.
Lying at Harry's feet, the small, shrunken body of another skinny, black haired boy. Lord Voldemort, Tom Marvolo Riddle. His red eyes, and snake like face disappeared, all that was left was the shell of _'one of the brightest students Hogwarts ever had'._
Funerals were held, muggle ones where Aunt Marge cried for her brother, her sister-in-law and her nephew. Wizarding ones seemingly filled with redheads, the entire Weasley clan, turning up...many people, whose lives were touched by the Boy-Who-lived.
And at the back, standing still and silent, unseen. Professor Severus Snape, who at last acknowledged it. 'Okay, so maybe he wasn't quite the little brat I thought he was.
He was alright, for James Potter's son.
Please Review
End file.
| fanfiction |
information processing within the brain critically depends on rhythmic oscillatory activity that synchronizes neuronal networks .
synchronization leads to local and global coupling of network elements and times neuronal firing . by these means
, it enables the precise selection of relevant information . depending on the brain state and the timing of convergent inputs , plastic changes up- or downgrade the importance of new information from the environment [ 1 , 2 ] .
consolidation of the collected information in long - term memory during sleep guarantees a timely reaction to environmental changes and promotes survival [ 35 ] .
spindle oscillations are typical representatives of rhythmic network activity that have been monitored in electroencephalographic ( eeg ) recordings both during early development and at adulthood [ 610 ] .
while the underlying mechanisms of asss have been extensively investigated in the past , aiming to identify their role for consolidation of memories [ 4 , 5 , 11 ] , nsb - related mechanisms are still largely unresolved and their function remains rather blurry .
only recent experimental evidence indicated that nsbs do not represent a by - product of maturating neuronal networks but important elements for their refinement [ 1216 ] .
asss are recurrent , short lasting network oscillations ( 0.53 s ) characteristic for nonrapid eye movement ( nrem ) sleep .
they have a waxing and waning waveform with the main frequency ranging from 9 to 15 hz [ 6 , 11 ] .
spontaneous asss synchronize large cortical areas , following defined patterns of spatial distribution that have been monitored in humans both by eeg and magnetoencephalogram ( meg ) [ 1719 ] .
this distribution depends on different factors , such as spindle peak frequency ( slow or fast ) , sleep stage period ( early or late ) , and age of the investigated person [ 2023 ] . according to their waveform properties and cortical distribution ,
on the one hand , prominent slow asss ( 913 hz ) emerge as product of spindle generators located in frontal brain regions . on the other hand , low amplitude fast asss ( 1315 hz )
originate from the thalamic reticular nucleus ( trn ) and spread over the whole cortex with strongest occurrence in central and parietal areas [ 2327 ] . however , the exact origin of slow and fast asss and whether they share the same generators is still a matter of debate [ 18 , 2730 ] .
support for separate underlying generators comes from differential pharmacological modulation of slow and fast asss .
in contrast to humans , mice show no difference in the frequencies between frontal and centroparietal spindles .
still , asss can be divided into three different types based on their anterior , posterior , or global topographical distribution .
while anterior asss seem to depend mostly on generators within the ventrobasal thalamic nucleus , posterior asss appear to be largely initiated by the trn .
this nucleus is also recognized as the main pacemaker for the generation of fast asss in humans as detailed below .
the generation of fast asss with thalamic origin has been divided into three stages : ( i ) initiation , ( ii ) propagation , and ( iii ) termination.(i)in line with their ability to initiate rhythmic discharges , neurons in the trn are the main pacemakers of ass activity .
reduced excitatory drive from cortical and subcortical afferents , present at the onset of nrem sleep , allows progressive hyperpolarization of trn cells and a shift of their resting potential to values < 60 mv [ 32 , 33 ] . at this hyperpolarized membrane potential ,
selective depolarization of trn cells by cortical afferents leads to activation of low - voltage gated t - type ca channels that cause dendritic ca accumulation .
the rise in ca triggers ca - dependent small - conductance type 2k channels ( sk2 ) . as a consequence ,
burst afterhyperpolarizations are induced and lead to temporal inactivation of earlier triggered t - type channels [ 3439 ] .
such alternations of depolarized and hyperpolarized states in trn cells shape the typical spindle oscillations.(ii)rapid changes of ion concentrations are not sufficient to keep up ass activity .
trn cells form dense inhibitory connections with thalamocortical ( tc ) cells in the dorsal thalamus . in reaction to synchronized inhibition by trn cells , tc cells show paradoxical activation and fire postinhibitory rebound bursts [ 41 , 42 ] .
excitatory back - projections from tc to trn cells establish a self - maintaining excitation - inhibition cycle that enables stronger network synchronization and progressive recruitment of further thalamic cells .
in addition , coupling of trn cells by gap junctions facilitates synchronization of the reticular network activity [ 43 , 44 ] . in line with their nomenclature ,
tc cells project not only to reticular neurons , but also to different areas of the cortex , primarily targeting fast - spiking interneurons in layer iv [ 4547 ] .
subsequent propagation between cortical layers amplifies the oscillatory activity , whereas deeper cortical layers provide feedback to tc and trn cells to maintain the thalamic entrainment .
the importance of the cortex and the corticothalamic feedback for ass synchronization and amplification is reflected by reduced ass synchrony and phase locking after cortical depression and locally restricted synchronization after decortication [ 49 , 50].(iii)to prevent unrestrained excitation and concomitant development of epileptic seizures , several mechanisms control and terminate ass activity .
first , gabaa - receptor - mediated lateral inhibition between trn cells prevents the occurrence of hypersynchrony in the thalamocortical network .
second , the strong accumulation of ca in dendrites of trn cells activates the sarco- ( endo- ) plasmatic reticulum ca atpase ( serca ) that pumps ca back into the cellular stores and interrupts the t - sk2 channel interaction [ 34 , 51 ] .
another effect of the ca accumulation is the persistent upregulation of ih in tc cells .
this upregulation is caused by a ca - induced ca release and a facilitated binding of camp to open hyperpolarization - activated , cyclic - nucleotide - gated ( hcn ) channels .
the resulting afterdepolarization prevents the generation of further rebound bursts in tc cells [ 52 , 53 ] . finally , reduced synchronization and phase locking of the thalamus and cortex diminishes rebound bursts in tc cells and stops further recurrent entrainment of the network . in line with their ability to initiate rhythmic discharges , neurons in the trn are the main pacemakers of ass activity .
reduced excitatory drive from cortical and subcortical afferents , present at the onset of nrem sleep , allows progressive hyperpolarization of trn cells and a shift of their resting potential to values < 60 mv [ 32 , 33 ] . at this hyperpolarized membrane potential ,
selective depolarization of trn cells by cortical afferents leads to activation of low - voltage gated t - type ca channels that cause dendritic ca accumulation .
the rise in ca triggers ca - dependent small - conductance type 2k channels ( sk2 ) . as a consequence ,
burst afterhyperpolarizations are induced and lead to temporal inactivation of earlier triggered t - type channels [ 3439 ] .
such alternations of depolarized and hyperpolarized states in trn cells shape the typical spindle oscillations .
trn cells form dense inhibitory connections with thalamocortical ( tc ) cells in the dorsal thalamus . in reaction to synchronized inhibition by trn cells ,
tc cells show paradoxical activation and fire postinhibitory rebound bursts [ 41 , 42 ] .
excitatory back - projections from tc to trn cells establish a self - maintaining excitation - inhibition cycle that enables stronger network synchronization and progressive recruitment of further thalamic cells .
in addition , coupling of trn cells by gap junctions facilitates synchronization of the reticular network activity [ 43 , 44 ] . in line with their nomenclature , tc cells project not only to reticular neurons , but also to different areas of the cortex , primarily targeting fast - spiking interneurons in layer iv [ 4547 ] .
subsequent propagation between cortical layers amplifies the oscillatory activity , whereas deeper cortical layers provide feedback to tc and trn cells to maintain the thalamic entrainment .
the importance of the cortex and the corticothalamic feedback for ass synchronization and amplification is reflected by reduced ass synchrony and phase locking after cortical depression and locally restricted synchronization after decortication [ 49 , 50 ] . to prevent unrestrained excitation and concomitant development of epileptic seizures , several mechanisms control and terminate ass activity .
first , gabaa - receptor - mediated lateral inhibition between trn cells prevents the occurrence of hypersynchrony in the thalamocortical network .
second , the strong accumulation of ca in dendrites of trn cells activates the sarco- ( endo- ) plasmatic reticulum ca atpase ( serca ) that pumps ca back into the cellular stores and interrupts the t - sk2 channel interaction [ 34 , 51 ] .
another effect of the ca accumulation is the persistent upregulation of ih in tc cells .
this upregulation is caused by a ca - induced ca release and a facilitated binding of camp to open hyperpolarization - activated , cyclic - nucleotide - gated ( hcn ) channels .
the resulting afterdepolarization prevents the generation of further rebound bursts in tc cells [ 52 , 53 ] .
finally , reduced synchronization and phase locking of the thalamus and cortex diminishes rebound bursts in tc cells and stops further recurrent entrainment of the network .
the mechanisms involved in the initiation , propagation , and termination of asss control the synaptic plasticity processes in the corresponding adult networks
. strong and fast increase of local intracellular ca concentration , triggered by nmda receptor activation after voltage - dependent release of the mg block and opening of voltage gated ca channels ( vgcc ) , activates postsynaptic signaling cascades involving protein kinases , such as pka and ca / calmodulin - dependent protein kinase ii ( camkii ) , which represent key players for long - term potentiation ( ltp ) [ 5558 ] .
camkii facilitates synaptic potentiation by phosphorylation of ampa receptors and augmentation of glur1-containing ampa receptors at the postsynaptic density .
modelling of plasticity processes in the hippocampus supports a correlation of activated camkii with the occurrence of cortical asss at the transition between sleep stages . of note
, asss occurring outside this transition period did not correlate with the hippocampal camkii level . while strong and fast ca increase contributes to ltp induction , small and long - lasting ca has been shown to generate protein phosphatase dependent long - term depression ( ltd ) .
furthermore , ca - signaling is important for spike - timing dependent plasticity ( stdp ) .
dendritic ca influx through vgcc caused by back - propagating action potentials leads to a supralinear increase of local intracellular ca concentrations and promotes ltp [ 6466 ] .
short - term potentiation and ltp were induced by repetitive pre- and postsynaptic stimulation of cortical layer v pyramidal cells with ass - associated spike trains , whereas presynaptic stimulation alone led to ltd .
shuffling and mirroring of the ass spike train used for stimulation failed to induce synaptic potentiation .
this indicates that the temporal order of the recorded ass spike train intervals was ideal to evoke synaptic changes .
asss present during specific sleep phases have been proposed to be beneficial for several forms of memory including declarative [ 68 , 69 ] , procedural , and emotional memory .
the density of asss , especially , has been correlated with the performance in memory retrieval after sleep [ 72 , 73 ] .
however , the exact functions of different sleep stages in relationship with corresponding rhythmic neuronal activity are still poorly understood [ 3 , 5 ] . natural sleep in mammals is comprised of about 20% rapid eye movement ( rem ) and 80% nrem sleep .
nrem sleep can be further divided into several stages from drowsiness ( n1 ) over light sleep ( n2 ) to deep , restorative sws ( n3 ) .
eeg and local field potential measurements showed that distinct activity patterns characterize these different stages of natural sleep . on the one hand ,
rem sleep is characterized by the occurrence of ponto - geniculo - occipital ( pgo ) waves and hippocampal theta oscillations .
on the other hand , cortical slow oscillations , thalamocortical spindle activity , and hippocampal sharp - wave ripples are prominent during nrem sleep [ 32 , 74 ] .
such rhythmic network activity is supposed to coordinate neuronal activity and to facilitate the integration of information based on the synchrony of convergent inputs , as well as the selection of inputs depending on their timing [ 1 , 2 ] .
the slow oscillations seen in sws synchronize over large cortical areas and produce alternating depolarized up and hyperpolarized down states . as common input to neuronal ensembles is relevant for induction of synaptic plasticity , the alternation of up and down states and , accordingly , long - range network synchronization is thought to provide temporal windows for memory consolidation processes [ 56 , 76 ] .
furthermore , asss might shape memory - related plasticity during nrem sleep on subcellular level .
for example , formation of spines on specific dendritic branches of layer v pyramidal neurons in the motor cortex during sleep has been recently observed following a motor learning task .
branch - specific spine formation was shown to depend on reactivation of task - specific synapses and increase of somatic ca levels during subsequent nrem sleep , but not rem sleep .
taking into account the role of asss in control of cellular ca concentrations , it is highly likely that ass activity is involved in the branch - specific spine formation .
therefore , the question arises , which mechanisms are responsible for the selection of information for later consolidation ?
the hypothesis of active system consolidation claims that the active transfer of information is encoded and stored in the neocortex and hippocampus during wakefulness but transferred into cortical long - term memory stores at sleep . to enable this transfer , fast asss generated by the thalamus build a unitary complex with cortical slow oscillations and hippocampal sharp - wave ripples ( 80200 hz ) [ 79 , 80 ] .
slow oscillations appear to synchronize the occurrence of asss and the repeated accelerated reactivation of memory representations in form of hippocampal ripples during cortical up states . in both humans and rodents , a clear phase locking between cortical ass activity and hippocampal ripples
can be observed with ripples occurring within the troughs around the peak of ass activity [ 8183 ] .
this suggests the presence of a feedback loop that would enable a precisely timed bidirectional information transfer between cortex and hippocampus promoting synaptic plasticity and consolidation of memory .
the synaptic homeostasis hypothesis proposes a different mechanism and suggests that a global downscaling of synapses during sleep counterbalances their strengthening during encoding of new information at wakefulness .
the concomitant synaptic potentiation and increase in firing during wakefulness puts the brain under a higher energy demand than continuously sustainable [ 84 , 85 ] .
the resulting progressive increase of glutamate in the extrasynaptic space would lead on the long run to cell intoxication and death .
therefore , a process that resets the catabolic demand and reduces the stress within the brain seems to be mandatory . likewise , an increasing amount of potentiated synapses reduces the signal - to - noise ratio within networks and prevents flexible responses to changes in the environment .
depending on the actual electric state at the postsynapse recurrent bursts during episodes of asss can enable global downscaling of synaptic strength via long - term depression ( ltd ) [ 67 , 88 ] .
apart from the attenuation of energy consumption , this global downscaling would also contribute to the emergence of information still concealed by less relevant information during wakefulness .
for example , both hypotheses need meaningful strategies to enable the transformation of labile encoded memory traces into long - lasting information during sleep .
recently , heib and colleagues described a close relationship of event - related increase in hippocampal theta activity during wakefulness and the amount of fast ass activity in subsequent sleep .
theta oscillations are important for attentional shifts , top - down control of gamma oscillations , and consecutive memory formation [ 2 , 90 , 91 ] .
their correlation with ass activity allows speculating about a participation of theta activity in the selection and tagging of meaningful memory traces . in support of this ,
correlation of theta activity and subsequent increase in asss during sws was also shown for theta oscillations occurring in rem sleep .
similar to the slow oscillations during sws , theta activity might enable the information transfer between hippocampus and cortex either during performance of a task or during theta replay in rem sleep and prepare selected synapses for further consolidation in sws episodes .
deeper understanding of ass function could be achieved by the investigation of spindle - associated pathologic states .
a wealth of studies documents the link between abnormal asss and disabilities in neurological disorders .
for example , altered asss have been related to hypersynchronous activity between thalamus and cortex in different forms of epilepsy [ 9395 ] .
moreover , the occurrence of asss is dramatically perturbed in neuropsychiatric disorders , such as schizophrenia or depression [ 9698 ] . in young and adult schizophrenia patients
a widespread reduction of ass occurrence and power has been detected over centroparietal , prefrontal , and temporal areas of the cortex [ 99 , 100 ] .
the overall intelligence of patients is not affected , yet lower ass occurrence correlates with abnormal memory consolidation and the severity of positive symptoms , in particular of auditory hallucinations [ 98 , 101 , 102 ] . the poorer memory consolidation in schizophrenia patients has been correlated with the reduced volume of the left mediodorsal thalamus , including the spindle pacemaker trn [ 103106 ] . even if less consistent as for schizophrenia , changes in ass activity have also been reported for patients with major depression .
high - risk individuals and age - matched early - onset depression patients showed reduced ass density when compared to controls .
the shortage of spindle activity is overcompensated , the asss being more frequent in adult female patients when compared to healthy controls [ 107 , 108 ] . while it can not be fully excluded that the developmental switch results from methodological differences between studies , it is highly likely that extensive remodeling of brain circuits or hormonal changes during adolescence account for the age - dependent transition from shortage to surge .
brain connectivity in regions relevant for spindle generation and glutamate signaling is disturbed in schizophrenia patients [ 109112 ] .
similarly , in a disrupted - in - schizophrenia 1 ( disc1 ) mouse model of mental illness c2-dg imaging revealed pronounced hypometabolism in frontal and hippocampal regions as well as in the trn .
the observed abnormal functional communication between brain areas was accompanied by reduced glutamate release probability . a model with transient interruption of disc1 signaling showed a loss of plastic compensatory mechanisms .
after whisker deprivation during early development , healthy mice usually react with a compensatory expansion of the whisker - corresponding domain into surrounding cortical barrels .
the impairment of essential mechanisms for learning , like ltp and ltd , might prevent a proper encoding of new information during wakefulness and reduce ass generation during sleep ( see the previously discussed role of asss in memory formation ) .
moreover , studies in calcineurin knockout and dominant - negative disc1 mouse models of schizophrenia showed a strong increase in power and occurrence of hippocampal sharp - wave ripples .
since ripple replay has been proposed as coordinator of cortical ass activity , memory consolidation during sws might be disturbed in these mice . in summary
, dysfunction of ass activity seems to be a promising predictive marker for certain neurologic and neuropsychiatric conditions .
future investigations need to strengthen the link between abnormal patterns of activity and disease and unravel associated structural and functional modifications at cellular level .
the knowledge gain of such studies will enable the development of therapeutic strategies aiming at improving the cognitive outcome of patients .
oscillatory rhythms are not an exclusive hallmark of the adult brain but emerge already early in life .
they have been characterized in eeg recordings from premature human infants [ 118 , 119 ] . however , technical and ethical limitations precluded the elucidation of mechanisms underlying early oscillatory rhythms in humans .
since rodents are altricial and the stage of their brain development at birth corresponds to the second gestational trimester in humans , they represent an ideal animal model for the investigation of early patterns of activity [ 120 , 121 ] , which are highly reminiscent to those recorded in human preterm babies [ 13 , 122 , 123 ] .
early neuronal activity has a discontinuous structure with alternating periods of oscillatory discharges ( 230 s duration ) and network silence [ 14 , 15 , 124 , 125 ] . with ongoing maturation , the discontinuous activity
i.e. , first - second postnatal week ) a large diversity of discontinuous oscillations have been described in the rodent cortex .
these oscillations have a duration of 13 s and a frequency of 710 hz .
they can be superimposed with faster beta / gamma activity and high frequency oscillations ( hfos ) [ 126 , 127 ] and are then classified as nested gamma spindle bursts ( ngs ) . for visual areas , slow activity transients of < 0.5 hz ,
also known as delta waves , seem to coordinate nsbs , whereas long - oscillations ( 20110 s duration ) have been characterized in the primary somatosensory cortex .
ca imaging revealed similar activity patterns spreading along the posterior - anterior cortical axis [ 129 , 130 ] .
brief periods of early gamma oscillations also occur independent of spindles in cortical , thalamic , and hippocampal networks . despite the diverse nomenclature ,
synchronization and coupling of neuronal networks in oscillatory rhythms early during development organize the communication of spatially distributed neuronal subsets .
they increase the probability of cooccurring pre- and postsynaptic activity and by these means control synaptic plasticity .
each burst recruits a different set of synapses and enforces the potentiation of parallel activated neighboring synapses and dendritic clustering [ 133135 ] . in the following
we will focus on the most dominant pattern of discontinuous activity , the nsbs . during
the last 1015 years substantial effort has been made to elucidate the mechanisms of nsb generation .
stimulation of the optical nerve , mechanical touch of the limbs , or whisker stimulation reliably triggered nsbs in primary sensory cortices [ 14 , 15 , 124 ] .
correspondingly , interruption of peripheral sensory inputs by brain stem lesion , pharmacological blockade , or removal of the retina leads to a strong reduction in the occurrence of nsbs .
these studies reveal the importance of the sensory periphery / external stimuli for the emergence of nsbs during development .
they equally demonstrate that nsbs partially depend on the activity of intrinsic pacemakers . in neonatal rodents
an important region for the amplification and integration of information from the periphery turns out to be the subplate .
subplate cells originate in the ventricular and subventricular zone as well as the medial ganglionic eminence . at early developmental stage ,
they show adult neuronal characteristics with a heterogeneous morphology and neurotransmitter profile as well as dense connectivity [ 137 , 138 ] .
subplate cells form a transiently expressed layer located between the intermediate zone and the cortical plate [ 139 , 140 ] .
they guide axons from subcortical structures , such as thalamus , to their appropriate targets in the developing neocortex and are ideally positioned to shape neocortical plasticity [ 141143 ] . the early networks , which are organized by subplate neurons , are driven by thalamocortical projections and modulated by cholinergic afferents from the basal forebrain . by these means ,
spatially confined synchrony ( e.g. , barrels in the somatosensory cortex , ocular dominance columns in the visual cortex of higher mammals ) is established [ 136 , 144146 ] .
nsbs , which play an important role in this synchronization , emerge within the thalamocortical networks at neonatal age [ 124 , 147 ] .
removal of subplate neurons in rats at postnatal days ( p ) 0 - 1 prevents the emergence of spontaneous and evoked nsbs in the somatosensory cortex at p710 together with a weakening of thalamocortical connectivity .
the relay of information from the periphery via thalamic nuclei and the subplate to specific areas of the cortex appears to follow a universal scheme and is similar for different sensory modalities . in the primary somatosensory cortex of p0 - 1 rats ,
whisker stimulation induced gamma activity in the ventral posteromedial nucleus of the thalamus ( vpm ) followed by shortly delayed nsbs .
inactivation of the vpm with electrolytic lesion almost abolished nsbs . for the visual system , mooney and colleagues showed that spontaneous retinal activity elicits bursts in the lateral geniculate nucleus ( lgn ) of the thalamus .
burst activity in the lgn was suppressed after pharmacological blockade or cut of the optic nerve .
in addition , blocking action potential propagation in the optic nerve by ttx injection led to a twofold decrease of the nsb occurrence in the visual cortex . in the auditory system , inner hair cells in the cochlea of neonatal rats ( p7 ) generate discrete bursts of action potentials that propagate along central auditory pathways already before hearing onset [ 149 , 150 ] .
this activity was shown to be crucial for the establishment of precise tonotopy in auditory nuclei , for example , lateral superior olive .
although a clear link of these bursts to activity in higher structures of the auditory pathway is missing , it has been demonstrated that subplate neurons receive input from the medial geniculate nucleus of the auditory thalamic nucleus from p2 on .
these subplate cells provide excitatory input to layer iv neurons in the auditory cortex . with the medial geniculate nucleus lying upstream of the lateral superior olive ,
it is likely that the transfer of information in the auditory system during early development follows similar principles as for visual and somatosensory systems .
altogether , these findings suggest the importance of peripheral input and corticothalamic connectivity for the generation of nsbs in various sensory networks .
another interesting aspect in the generation of nsbs is their early dependence on neuromodulatory inputs .
for example , the cholinergic drive from the basal forebrain profoundly influences the nsb activity at neonatal age . while electrical stimulation of the basal forebrain increases the incidence of nsbs , selective immunotoxic lesion of its cholinergic neurons with antibody - conjugated saporin and pharmacological blockade of cortical muscarinic acetylcholine receptors lead to substantial reduction of nsb occurrence .
in contrast , blockade of acetylcholine esterase promoted nsb generation . these data support a facilitating action of the cholinergic system on nsbs .
ca transients induced by muscarine application show high synchronicity in the subplate region , while transients in the cortical plate appear less frequent and more random .
after callosotomy at p16 , the presence of spontaneous nsbs in both hemispheres is doubled , indicating that projections via the corpus callosum inhibit developmental activity patterns during the first postnatal week .
moreover , callosotomy reduced the occurrence of nsbs evoked by forepaw stimulation in the somatosensory cortex during defined developmental periods ( i.e. , p16 ) .
it can be hypothesized that a period critical for spindle related plasticity spans the time from birth to p7 .
remarkably , this developmental period coincides with an increase of gabaergic and glutamatergic presynaptic terminals in the deeper layers of the somatosensory cortex .
the mechanisms generating early network oscillations vary during the course of development . in vivo investigations have shown that glutamatergic inputs are critical for the emergence of nsbs [ 15 , 16 , 157 , 158 ] .
the slow delta components of nsbs are reliant on both nmda and ampa receptors whereas the faster spindle component mainly depends on ampa receptors .
pharmacological blockade of ampa receptors using cnqx completely and reversibly blocked the occurrence of spontaneous spindle bursts in s1 indicating the importance of the glutamatergic inputs for the generation of nsbs .
as previously mentioned ablation of subplate neurons weakens the thalamocortical connectivity and reduces the occurrence of nsbs suggesting that the glutamatergic inputs important for nsbs are of thalamic origin .
knockout of the nr1 nmda receptor subunit in the ventrobasal thalamic nucleus resulted in miswiring of the barrel cortex and behavioral deficits supporting a contribution of nmda receptors to stdp already during early development .
inhibition of gap junctions was followed by reduction or abolishment of spindle oscillations both in vitro and in vivo .
these data indicate that an early gap junction syncytium acts as template for later cortical topography and represents an efficient mechanism of communication at a developmental time point of synaptic immaturity [ 161 , 162 ] .
however , due to the side - effects of many gap junction blockers , the contribution of electrical communication to early spindle activity remains a matter of debate and findings are sometimes contradictory .
for example , in vivo blockade of gap junctions at p1p3 has been shown to cause an increase in the occurrence of spindle bursts .
the generation of nsbs is additionally influenced by gabaergic neurotransmission . during the embryonic stage and the first postnatal week
an increased chloride accumulation / extrusion ratio due to high nkcc1 activity and low kcc2 expression causes a depolarizing action of gaba in immature neurons [ 163 , 164 ] .
interference with early depolarizing gabaa receptor signaling was shown to persistently reduce the formation of ampa receptors .
furthermore , the tight interaction of gabaa and nmda receptors controls the activation of silent synapses .
blockade of nkcc1 was shown to cause a negative shift in the gabaa reversal potential but did not affect the occurrence and properties of nsbs .
however , gabaa receptor - mediated depolarization has been recently shown to exert an inhibitory control on network activity in vivo .
such early gabaergic inhibition is in line with enhanced nsb activity after gaba receptor blockade , reduced activity after positive modulation of gabaa receptors , and the confinement of early network oscillations by gabaergic surround inhibition [ 15 , 168 , 169 ] .
the precise actions of gaba may not only depend on the maturation level of an individual neuron but also on the timing of gabaergic and glutamatergic inputs .
recently , it was shown in vitro for adult born neurons in the hippocampus that weak gabaergic input is beneficial for neuronal excitation and strong gabaergic input leads to shunting inhibition .
such a mechanism would contribute to the spatial confinement of nsbs in local cortical networks . around p12 an increase in kcc2 expression and reduction in nkcc1 activity in cortical neurons shifts the gabaergic transmission to the classical hyperpolarizing function . of note
, this switch does not occur at the same time point in the entire cortex , but rather depends on the maturation timeline of individual cortical areas . even within the same area ,
the hyperpolarizing action of gaba starts in more mature deeper cortical layers before it reaches the upper cortical layers .
however , in general , this time point coincides with the disappearance of nsbs during the end of the second postnatal week .
nsbs are gradually replaced by adult - like ongoing oscillations within different frequency bands related to behavioral states .
early gabaergic transmission is also relevant to shape emerging cortical networks . during the first postnatal week layer 5/6
this innervation supports the development of parvalbumin interneuron driven perisomatic inhibition of pyramidal neurons , which is crucial for the generation of fast rhythmic activity in the adult cortex .
nsbs are not restricted to sensory cortical areas but also synchronize limbic structures [ 126 , 174 ] . in line with the developmental delay of the prefrontal cortex ( pfc ) compared to the sensory areas ,
nsbs are absent at birth and firstly detected in the pfc at p3 [ 14 , 126 ] . with ongoing maturation , the power of nsbs augments . in the cingulate subdivision of the medial
in contrast , frequent ngs have been detected in the prelimbic subdivision ( pl ) of the pfc .
nsbs synchronize the activity within prefrontal layers , whereas the faster gamma components of ngs synchronize the coupling between different layers .
the distinct activity patterns in prefrontal subdivisions might reflect an adapted maturation in regard to their later functionality .
similar to the importance of thalamocortical networks for the generation of nsbs in sensory areas , the hippocampal - prefrontal networks appear to be mandatory for the emergence of limbic nsbs .
the drive and temporal coordination within these networks is provided by theta oscillations from the hippocampal ca1 area .
these are relayed to pyramidal neurons of layer v in the pfc via glutamatergic projections , which in turn trigger local beta / gamma activity in cortical networks [ 126 , 175 , 176 ] .
first correlative evidence suggests that the coherent activity within neonatal prefrontal - hippocampal networks is critical for juvenile cognitive abilities , such as recognition memory .
similar to oscillatory patterns in sensory cortices , nsbs in limbic areas depend on cholinergic modulation .
neurotoxic lesion of cholinergic nuclei in the basal forebrain profoundly affected the activity within prefrontal - hippocampal networks by increasing the occurrence of hippocampal theta oscillations and the nsb amplitude in the pfc .
thus , nsbs in sensory and limbic cortices share similar properties and mechanisms of generation . while an external drive ( e.g. , activation of sensory periphery , hippocampus ) is mandatory , nsbs additionally emerge from the activation of local circuits and are strongly modulated by subcortical inputs .
transient bursts of network oscillations are present in cortical networks during early development and at adulthood .
second , nsbs synchronize relatively small cortical patches [ 124 , 125 ] , whereas asss spread over large cortical areas .
third , nsbs occur spontaneously at irregular intervals [ 12 , 14 , 124 ] , whereas asss are generated more regularly .
while synaptic plasticity is present in the brain throughout the whole lifespan , mechanistic differences were described for the developing and the adult brain . in general ,
synaptic potentiation is more prominent during development and gradually changes towards a balanced potentiation and depression in the mature brain .
this phenomenon is probably related to a switch in the mechanisms that mediate ltp . before p10 the induction of ltp in the rodent hippocampus
was shown to be pka and glur4-dependent [ 178180 ] and could be induced by random neuronal activity . from p12 on ltp
was driven by activation of camkii and glur1 and plasticity started to follow precise stdp rules , including ltd [ 182 , 183 ] . in the barrel
cortex the mechanisms mediating ltp are similar , yet the switch from pka and glur4 dependence to camkii and glur1 dependence occurs at p13 [ 184 , 185 ] . a bias towards potentiation based on the timing of bursts over a second - long time window was also described in the immature thalamus . the switch in plasticity mechanisms is further reflected by the massive increase in the number of synapses and connections during the early postnatal period . during the third postnatal week
synaptic pruning causes profound network refinement [ 187189 ] . in other words , a rough connectivity scheme at early development
consequently , the occurring plastic processes are constantly modulated by changes in molecular expression and ongoing network activity .
while neonatal and adult spindle oscillations demonstrate similarities in shape , frequency distribution , and origin , they are faced with different plasticity conditions and therefore differentially modulate brain circuits .
the knowledge on the role of spindle activity during early development and at adulthood is still sparse .
it is accepted that early network oscillations promote the maturation of cortical structure and function , yet reliable causal evidence is still missing .
repetitive coactivation of specific networks during nsbs would create optimal conditions to strengthen and refine synaptic connections [ 134 , 185 , 186 ] .
they may coordinate the communication of specific networks in faster frequencies to orchestrate the interplay of synaptic depression and potentiation dependent on the timing of pre- and postsynaptic activity on a millisecond timescale .
thus , nsbs may provide time windows of synchronous activity necessary for the refinement of circuitry , whereas asss may help to adapt the mature network to integrate recently acquired information .
asss and nsbs represent distinct patterns of network synchronization in the adult and developing brain . while asss support memory consolidation through synchronous activation of large cortical areas , nsbs coordinate the maturation of local neocortical networks .
both patterns coordinate activity in sensory and limbic systems and modulate local plasticity critical for network refinement .
further studies need to elucidate to what extent disturbed nsb activity during cortical maturation affects the pathological changes observed for asss , for example , in schizophrenia and depression . | pubmed |
Reaction of H2o2 on Ozone in jar washing Tank in packaged drinking Water Company [closed]
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What is reaction of H2o2 when added in Jar Washing Tank where ozone is also being dosed at 0.5ppm in a Packaged Drinking Water Industry ?
Both ozone and H2O2 are reactive oxygen species. They don't necessarely react with each other, but oxidize organics and act as bacteriocides. Majority of bacteria are killed by H2O2 (which is cheaper and safer). In case some spots were not cleaned ozone is added. Producing enough ozone to clean it all would be difficult. Guaranteeing that H2O2 reached every spot is also hard. this is why they use two chemicals.
0.5ppm (1/2 parts per million) is a relatively low dose, but working with ozone at higher concentrations is dangerous. Ozone is more toxic than chlorine.
So, this is much like mixing dishwashing liquid with laundry detergent. There is no reaction between them.
Note that in a lab you can have O3+H2O2 -> H2O3 + H2O, but you have to run it at low temperature, the yield is low and the product decomposes fast.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Efico Foundation along A.F.A. L and Euracen has donated water filters for drinking water communities in El Salvador.
www.eficofoundation.org
25a. Exposure of the Specialty Coffee Association of America (SCAA) will be held in the city of Boston from 11 to 14 April 2013.
We are pleased to announce that Rainforest Alliance Cupping held the XI International Rainforest Alliance Certified ™ coffee from 27 to 28 March 2013 in Charleston, South Carolina.
In 2015 will be held the Fourth Convention of Women at Cafe de IWCA in Colombia, was announced instead.
International Barista Heather Perry Located Barista teaching courses in El Salvador.
NS-DHTML by Kubik-Rubik.d
Coffee is the drink obtained by infusing roasted and ground coffee (Coffea), which contains a stimulating substance called caffeine. The place were the infusion is served goes by the name café, (Spanish for coffee), or bistro.
Although many species belong in the genus Coffea, only three of those are commercially produced: Coffea arabica, Coffea canephora or robusta, and Coffea liberica, all of them native to the Central African plateau. Those most extensively cultivated in the tropical areas are arábica and robusta.
Arabica coffee grows best at an altitude between 3,000 and 6,000 feet, where a slower growth and maturation process concentrate the flavors in the grain, which has a more refined flavor, and contains about 1 percent caffeine by weight. Due to its delicate nature, the annual yield of Arabica coffee is relatively low. Nonetheless, the species represents about 75% of worldwide production, and its excellent grain is preferred by specialty roasters. Highly susceptible to disease, and with little resistance to frost and drought, it requires careful cultivation and special climatic conditions. It is currently cultivated in Brazil, Cameroon, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cuba, Ecuador, Guatemala, Haiti, Jamaica, Java, Kenya, Mexico, Peru, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Tanzania and Venezuela.
As its name suggests, Robusta (Spanish for hardy) coffee beans are produced by a disease-resistant shrub that grows best at an altitude between 0 and 3,000 feet. With a rather dull taste, Robusta coffee grains contain about 2 percent caffeine by weight. With a higher yield than the Arabica species, Robusta is deemed as a low-grade coffee, generally used for popular coffee blends or in manufacturing instant coffee. It is currently grown not only in África (Ivory Coast, Angola and Zaire), but also in India, Indonesia, Madagascar, Brazil, and the Philippines.
While hardy as Robusta, and bearing a fruit almost twice the size of that of Arabica, the Liberica species produces low-quality beans. It is grown at low altitude, particularly in Guyana and Malaysia, and is a minor crop in Africa. Interestingly, the leaves of this species contain more caffeine than its grains, and in Malaysia they are often used to prepare a tea-like infusion.
In 2008 and 2009, researchers from the Royal Botanic Gardens, Kew, identified seven Coffea species in the mountains of northern Madagascar; and more recently two new species of Coffea were discovered in Cameroon, one of which, Coffea charrieriana, contains no caffeine. New features, such as self-pollination and beans without caffeine, might be introduced by crossing these new species with those currently under cultivation.
Coffee is one of the main agricultural products sold in international markets, which often represents a significant portion of exports from producing countries. It is the second most traded commodity in the international market.
According to legend, the coffee plant was discovered by Kaldi, an Ethiopian goat herder who noticed that when they nibbled on the bright red berries of a local bush, his goats began frolicking around. Intrigued by their behavior, he decided to give the fruits a try, picked some, and chewed on them. His exhilaration prompted him to bring the berries to a nearby monastery. After trying the fruit, one of the monks threw the pits into the fire, from which an enticing aroma billowed. The roasted beans were quickly raked from the embers, ground up, and dissolved in hot water, thus yielding the first cup of coffee, which the monk drank, and later noticed that the beverage kept him alert in the long hours of evening prayers. The monk shared his discovery
with the other monks at the monastery, and soon the knowledge about the energizing effects of the berries began to spread throughout the region and on into the east until coffee reached the Arabian Peninsula. At this point coffee began a journey that spread its reputation all over the world.
True coffee history begins c.1100, with its arrival in the Arabian Peninsula where, taking advantage of the particularly well suited climate and soil, the Arabs were the first, not only to cultivate coffee but also to begin its trade. Initially, the Arabs made wine, which they called qishr, from the pulp of the fermented coffee berries. Then they brewed coffee from green, unroasted beans to yield a tea-like beverage, and later on they began to roast and boil the
beans, creating a drink they called "qahwa" (literally, that which prevents sleep). Bound by the Koran, which bans drinking alcoholic beverages, it is not surprising that Muslims appreciated the stimulating effects of coffee, and considered it an acceptable substitute for liquor.
The Arabs closely guarded their new found and lucrative industry, and for a time successfully prevented its spread to other countries, by banning any of the precious fertile berries to leave the country (the coffee bean is the seed of the coffee tree, but when stripped of its outer layers it becomes infertile). But the Dutch eventually acquired some live shrubs or beans in 1616, brought them back to Holland where they were grown in greenhouses. In 1658, the Dutch started the cultivation of coffee in Ceylon; in 1696 they were growing it at Malabar in India, and in 1699 took some to Batavia in Java, in what is now Indonesia.
In 1714, as a result of negotiations entered into between the French government and the municipality of Amsterdam, a young and vigorous plant was sent to Louis XIV by the burgomaster of Amsterdam. The plant was transferred to the Jardin Royal des Plantes, and delivered to Antoine de Jussieu, the botanist in charge.
Coffee was first introduced into Haiti and Santo Domingo in 1715, but its cultivation only surged when hardier plants arrived from Martinique, were it was introduced in 1723 by a French naval officer, Gabriel Mathieu de Clieu, who arrived with a plant he was trusted with while in Paris on leave. By his own account, he put the plant in a glass case, to keep it warm and away from salt water on deck, sorted many hazards along the journey, and even shared his meager water ration with it to keep it alive. The coffee tree was re-planted at Prêcheur, surrounded by a thorn hedge and watched over by slaves. The first harvest took place in 1726 and, the report of an official survey states that by 1777 there were 19 million coffee trees on the island. Thus de Clieu is credited with introducing the cultivation of coffees to the French colonies, from which it spread throughout South America, Central America, and Mexico.
History of Coffee in El Salvador
The first coffee plants came to El Salvador c. 1800 from Guatemala, where it had been introduced c.1750-60, and cultivation began in the early nineteenth century, but quantities insufficient to meet local demand.
By mid-century, when indigo demand fell sharply, upon the discovery of synthetic dyes, the administration of President Eugenio Aguilar began promoting its cultivation in 1846, and introduced legislation to stimulate production, such as tax exemptions for producers, exemption from the military service for plantation workers, and the elimination of the export tax for new producers. But it was the Captain General Gerardo Barrios who, realizing its enormous potential, promoted the crop throughout the Salvadoran territory during his administration, so that coffee became the backbone of the national economy. Between 1860 and 1881 coffee production experienced a great boost, and coffee exports multiplied dramatically.
In 1881 and 1882, President Rafael Zaldívar decreed several laws that knocked out the system of communal lands, prevalent in the country since the Colonial era, and transformed the land tenure system, further boosting coffee production.
Edificio PROCAFÉ, Av. Manuel Gallardo y 13ª Calle Poniente, Santa Tecla
Teléfono: (503) 7877-2020 (503) 7887-2756 - e-mail: [email protected] | slim_pajama |
an important concern in optimization is the complete or partial knowledge of the convex hull of the set of feasible solutions to an optimization problem .
computing convex hulls is in general a difficult task , and a classical example is the construction of the integer hull of a polyhedron which drives many algorithms in integer programming . in this article
we describe a method to convexify ( at least approximately ) , an algebraic set using semidefinite programming . by an algebraic set we mean a subset @xmath1 described by a finite list of polynomial equations of the form @xmath2 where @xmath3 is an element of @xmath4 : = \rr[x_1 , \ldots , x_n]$ ] , the polynomial ring in @xmath5 variables over the reals .
the input to our algorithm is the ideal generated by @xmath6 , denoted as @xmath7 , which is the set @xmath8 \}$ ] .
an ideal @xmath9 $ ] is a group under addition and is closed under multiplication by elements of @xmath4 $ ] .
given an ideal @xmath9 $ ] , its _ real variety _
, @xmath10 is an example of an algebraic set . given @xmath11 ,
we describe a method to produce a nested sequence of convex relaxations of the closure of @xmath12 , the convex hull of @xmath13 , called the _ theta bodies _ of @xmath11 .
the @xmath14-th theta body @xmath15 is obtained as the projection of a _ spectrahedron _ ( the feasible region of a semidefinite program ) , and @xmath16 of special interest to us are _ real radical ideals_. we define the real radical of an ideal @xmath11 , denoted as @xmath17{i}$ ] , to be the set of all polynomials @xmath18 $ ] such that @xmath19 for some @xmath20 $ ] and @xmath21 .
we say that @xmath11 is a real radical ideal if @xmath22{i}$ ] . given a set @xmath1 , the _ vanishing ideal _ of @xmath23 , denoted as @xmath24 ,
is the set of all polynomials in @xmath4 $ ] that vanish on @xmath23 . the _ real nullstellensatz _ ( see theorem [ thm : real_nullstellensatz ] ) says that for any ideal @xmath11 , @xmath25{i}$ ] .
the construction of theta bodies for arbitrary ideals was motivated by a problem posed by lovsz . in @xcite lovsz constructed the theta body of a graph , a convex relaxation of the stable set polytope of a graph which was shown later to have a description in terms of semidefinite programming . an important result in this context
is that the theta body of a graph coincides with the stable set polytope of the graph if and only if the graph is perfect .
lovsz observed that the theta body of a graph could be described in terms of sums of squares of real polynomials modulo the ideal of polynomials that vanish on the incidence vectors of stable sets .
this observation naturally suggests the definition of a theta body for any ideal in @xmath4 $ ] .
in fact , an easy extension of his observation leads to a hierarchy of theta bodies for all ideals as above . in ( * ? ? ?
* problem 8.3 ) , lovsz asked to characterize all ideals that have the property that their first theta body coincides with @xmath26 , which was the starting point of our work . for defining ideals of finite point sets we answer this question in section 4 .
this article is organized as follows . in section 2
we define theta bodies of an ideal in @xmath4 $ ] in terms of sums of squares polynomials . for a general ideal @xmath11
, we get that @xmath15 contains the closure of the projection of a spectrahedron which is described via combinatorial moment matrices from @xmath11 . when the ideal @xmath11 is real radical ,
we show that @xmath15 coincides with the closure of the projected spectrahedron , and when @xmath11 is the defining ideal of a set of points in @xmath27 , the closure is not needed .
we establish a general relationship between the theta body sequence of an ideal @xmath11 and that of its real radical ideal @xmath17{i}$ ] .
section 3 gives two examples of the construction described in section 2 .
as our first example , we look at the stable sets in a graph and describe the hierarchy of theta bodies that result .
the first member of the hierarchy is lovsz s theta body of a graph .
this hierarchy converges to the stable set polytope in finitely many steps as is always the case when we start with a finite set of real points .
the second example is a cardiod in the plane in which case the algebraic set that is being convexified is infinite . in section 4
we discuss convergence issues for the theta body sequence . when @xmath13 is compact , the theta body sequence is guaranteed to converge to the closure of @xmath12 asymptotically .
we prove that when @xmath13 is finite , @xmath28 for some finite @xmath14 . in the case of finite convergence , it is useful to know the specific value of @xmath14 for which @xmath28 .
this notion is called exactness and we characterize exactness for the first theta body when the set to be convexified is finite .
there are examples in which the theta body sequence does not converge to @xmath26 .
while a full understanding of when convergence occurs is still elusive , we describe one obstruction to finite convergence in terms of certain types of singularities of @xmath13 .
the last section gives more examples of theta bodies and their exactness .
in particular we consider cuts in a graph and polytopes coming from the graph isomorphism question .
the core of this paper is based on results from @xcite and @xcite which are presented here with a greater emphasis on geometry , avoiding some of the algebraic language in the original results .
theorems [ thm : theta_inclusion ] , [ thm : real_radical_exactness ] and their corollaries are new while theorem [ thm : convex_singularity ] is from @xcite . the application of theta bodies to polytopes that arise in the graph isomorphism question is taken from @xcite . *
acknowledgments*. both authors were partially supported by the nsf focused research group grant dms-0757371 .
j. gouveia was also partially supported by funda~ ao para a ci^ encia e tecnologia and r.r .
thomas by the robert r. and elaine k. phelps endowed professorship .
to describe the convex hull of an algebraic set , we start with a simple observation about any convex hull .
given a set @xmath1 , @xmath29 , the closure of @xmath30 , is the intersection of all closed half - spaces containing @xmath23 : @xmath31_1 \textrm { s.t . }
l|_s \geq 0\}.\ ] ] from a computational point of view , this observation is useless , as the right hand side is hopelessly cumbersome .
however , if @xmath23 is the zero set of an ideal @xmath9 $ ] , we can define nice relaxations of the above intersection of infinitely many half - spaces using a classical strengthening of the nonnegativity condition @xmath32 .
we describe these relaxations in this section . in section 2.1
we introduce our method for arbitrary ideals in @xmath4 $ ] . in section 2.2
we specialize to real radical ideals , which occur frequently in applications , and show that in this case , much stronger results hold than for general ideals .
recall that given an ideal @xmath9 $ ] , two polynomials @xmath33 and @xmath34 are defined to be congruent modulo @xmath11 , written as @xmath35 mod @xmath11 , if @xmath36 .
the relation @xmath37 is an equivalence relation on @xmath4 $ ] and the equivalence class of a polynomial @xmath33 is denoted as @xmath38 .
the set of all congruence classes of polynomials modulo @xmath11 is denoted as @xmath4/i$ ] and this set is both a ring and a @xmath39-vector space : given @xmath40 $ ] and @xmath41 , @xmath42 . note that if @xmath35 mod @xmath11 , then @xmath43 for all @xmath44 .
we will say that a polynomial @xmath45 $ ] is a sum of squares ( _ sos _ ) modulo @xmath11 if there exist polynomials @xmath46 $ ] such that @xmath47 mod @xmath11 .
if @xmath48 is sos modulo @xmath11 then we immediately have that @xmath48 is nonnegative on @xmath13 . in practice , it is important to control the degree of the @xmath49 in the sos representation of @xmath48 , so we will say that @xmath48 is @xmath14-_sos _ mod @xmath11 if @xmath50_k$ ] , where @xmath4_k$ ] is the set of polynomials in @xmath4 $ ] of degree at most @xmath14 .
the set of polynomials that are @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11 , considered as a subset of @xmath4_{2k}/i$ ] will be denoted as @xmath51 .
[ def : theta_body ] let @xmath9 $ ] be a polynomial ideal .
we define the @xmath14-th _ theta body _ of @xmath11 to be the set @xmath52_1 \textrm { s.t .
} l \textrm { is } k\textrm{-sos } \textrm { mod } i\}.\ ] ] since , if @xmath53 is sos mod @xmath11 then @xmath54 on @xmath13 , and @xmath15 is closed , @xmath55 .
also , @xmath56 , since as @xmath14 increases , we are potentially intersecting more half - spaces .
thus , the theta bodies of @xmath11 create a nested sequence of closed convex relaxations of @xmath12 .
we now present a related semidefinite programming relaxation of @xmath13 using the theory of moments .
for @xmath9 $ ] an ideal , let @xmath57 be a basis for the @xmath39-vector space @xmath4/i$ ] .
we assume that the polynomials @xmath58 representing the elements of @xmath59 are minimal degree representatives of their equivalence classes @xmath60 .
this makes the set @xmath61 well - defined . in this paper
we will restrict ourselves to a special type of basis @xmath59 .
let @xmath9 $ ] be an ideal .
a basis @xmath62 of @xmath4/i$ ] is a @xmath63-_basis _ if it satisfies the following conditions : 1 .
@xmath64 ; 2 .
@xmath65 , for @xmath66 ; 3 .
@xmath58 is monomial for all @xmath67 ; 4 . if @xmath68 then @xmath69 is in the real span of @xmath70 .
we will also always assume that @xmath59 is ordered and that @xmath71 .
using grbner bases theory , one can see that if @xmath72 is not contained in any proper affine space , then @xmath4/i$ ] always has a @xmath63-basis .
for instance , take the @xmath58 in @xmath59 to be the _ standard monomials _ of an _ initial ideal _ of @xmath11 with respect to some _ total degree monomial ordering _ on @xmath4 $ ] ( see for example @xcite ) .
the methods we describe below work with non monomial bases of @xmath4/i$ ] as explained in @xcite .
we restrict to a @xmath63-basis in this survey for ease of exposition and since the main applications we will discuss only need this type of basis .
fix a @xmath63-basis @xmath59 of @xmath4/i$ ] and define @xmath73 $ ] to be the column vector formed by all the elements of @xmath74 in order .
then @xmath73 \ff_k[\xx]^t$ ] is a square matrix indexed by @xmath74 with @xmath75-entry equal to @xmath69 . by hypothesis ,
the entries of @xmath73 \ff_k[\xx]^t$ ] lie in the @xmath39-span of @xmath70 .
{ @xmath76 } be the set of real numbers such that @xmath77 .
we now linearize @xmath73 \ff_k[\xx]^t$ ] by replacing each element of @xmath70 by a new variable .
let @xmath11 , @xmath59 and \ { @xmath76 }
be as above .
let @xmath78 be a real vector indexed by @xmath70 . the @xmath14-_th combinatorial moment matrix _
@xmath79 of @xmath11 is the real matrix indexed by @xmath74 whose @xmath75-entry is @xmath80_{i , j}=\sum_{f_l + i \in { { \mathcal b}}_{2k } } \lambda_{i , j}^l y_l.$ ] let @xmath81 $ ] be the ideal @xmath82 . then a @xmath63-basis for @xmath11 would be @xmath83 .
let us construct the matrix @xmath84 .
consider the vector @xmath85=(1 \,x_1 \,x_2)^t$ ] , then @xmath86 \ff_1[\xx]^t = \left ( \begin{array}{ccc } 1 & x_1 & x_2 \\ x_1 & x_1 ^ 2 & x_1x_2 \\ x_2 & x_1x_2 & x_2 ^ 2 \end{array } \right ) \equiv \left ( \begin{array}{ccc } 1 & x_1 & x_2 \\ x_1 & 2x_2-x_1 & 0 \\ x_1 & 0 & x_2 ^ 2 \end{array } \right ) \textup { mod } i.\ ] ] we now linearize the resulting matrix using @xmath87 , where @xmath88 indexes the @xmath67th element of @xmath59 , and get @xmath89 the matrix @xmath79 will allow us to define a relaxation of @xmath90 that will essentially be the theta body @xmath15 .
let @xmath9 $ ] be an ideal and @xmath59 a @xmath63-basis of @xmath4/i$ ] .
then @xmath91 where @xmath92 is projection of @xmath93 to @xmath94 , its coordinates indexed by @xmath95 .
the set @xmath96 is a relaxation of @xmath12 .
pick @xmath97 and define @xmath98 .
then @xmath99 , @xmath100 and @xmath101 .
we now show the connection between @xmath96 and @xmath15 .
[ thm : lasserre_vs_theta_1 ] for any ideal @xmath102 $ ] and any @xmath63-basis @xmath59 of @xmath4/i$ ] , we get @xmath103 .
we start with a general observation concerning @xmath14-sos polynomials .
suppose @xmath104 where @xmath20_k$ ] .
each @xmath49 can be identified with a real row vector @xmath105 such that @xmath106 \mod i$ ] , and so @xmath107^t \hat{g_i}^t \hat{g_i } \ff_k[\xx]$ ] . denoting by @xmath108 the positive semidefinite matrix @xmath109 we get @xmath110^t p_h \ff_k[\xx ] \mod i$ ] . in general
, @xmath108 is not unique .
let @xmath111 be the real row vector such that @xmath112 $ ] mod @xmath11 . then check that for any column vector @xmath113 , @xmath114 , where @xmath115 stands for the usual entry - wise inner product of matrices .
suppose @xmath116 , and @xmath113 such that @xmath117 , @xmath118 and @xmath119 .
since @xmath15 is closed , we just have to show that for any @xmath120_1 $ ] that is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 , @xmath121 . since @xmath117 and @xmath119 , @xmath122 since @xmath123 and @xmath118 .
in the next subsection we will see that when @xmath11 is a real radical ideal , @xmath124 coincides with @xmath15 .
the idea of computing approximations of the convex hull of a semialgebraic set in @xmath0 via the theory of moments and the dual theory of sums of squares polynomials is due to lasserre @xcite and parrilo @xcite . in his original set up ,
the moment relaxations obtained are described via moment matrices that rely explicitly on the polynomials defining the semialgebraic set . in @xcite ,
the focus is on semialgebraic subsets of @xmath27 where the equations @xmath125 are used to simplify computations .
this idea was generalized in @xcite to arbitrary real algebraic varieties and studied in detail for zero - dimensional ideals .
laurent showed that the moment matrices needed in the approximations of @xmath12 could be computed modulo the ideal defining the variety .
this greatly reduces the size of the matrices needed , and removes the dependence of the computation on the specific presentation of the ideal in terms of generators .
the construction of the set @xmath96 is taken from @xcite . since
an algebraic set is also a semialgebraic set ( defined by equations ) , we could apply lasserre s method to @xmath13 to get a sequence of approximations @xmath12 .
the results are essentially the same as theta bodies if the generators of @xmath11 are picked carefully . however , by restricting ourselves to real varieties , instead of allowing inequalities , and concentrating on the sum of squares description of theta bodies , as opposed to the moment matrix approach , we can prove some interesting theoretical results that are not covered by the general theory for lasserre relaxations .
many of the usual results for lasserre relaxations rely on the existence of a non - empty interior for the semialgebraic set to be convexified which is never the case for a real variety , or compactness of the semialgebraic set which we do not want to impose .
recall from the introduction that given an ideal @xmath9 $ ] its real radical is the ideal @xmath126{i}=\left\ { f \in \rr[\xx ] : f^{2 m } + \sum g_i^2 \in i , m \in \nn , g_i \in \rr[\xx]\right\}.\ ] ] the importance of this ideal arises from the real nullstellensatz . [ thm : real_nullstellensatz ] let @xmath9 $ ] be an ideal . then there exists a function @xmath127 such that , for all polynomials @xmath18 $ ] of degree at most @xmath128 that vanish on @xmath72 , @xmath129 for some polynomials @xmath49 such that @xmath130 and @xmath131 are all bounded above by @xmath132 . in particular @xmath133{i}$ ] .
when @xmath11 is a real radical ideal , the sums of squares approach and the moment approach for theta bodies of @xmath11 coincide , and we get a stronger version of theorem [ thm : lasserre_vs_theta_1 ] .
[ thm : lasserre_vs_theta ] for any @xmath102 $ ] real radical and any @xmath63-basis @xmath59 of @xmath4/i$ ] , @xmath134 . by theorem [ thm : lasserre_vs_theta_1 ]
we just have to show that @xmath135 . by (
* prop 2.6 ) , the set @xmath51 of elements of @xmath4_{2k}/i$ ] that are @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 , is closed when @xmath11 is real radical .
let @xmath18_1 $ ] be nonnegative on @xmath136 and suppose @xmath137 . by the separation theorem
, we can find @xmath138 such that @xmath139 but @xmath140 for all @xmath141 , or equivalently , @xmath142 .
since @xmath143 runs over all possible positive semidefinite matrices of size @xmath144 , and the cone of positive semidefinite matrices of a fixed size is self - dual , we have @xmath118 .
let @xmath145 be any real number and consider @xmath146 .
then @xmath147 .
since @xmath139 and @xmath145 can be arbitrarily large , @xmath148 is forced to be positive .
so we can scale @xmath78 to have @xmath117 , so that @xmath149 . by hypothesis
we then have @xmath150 , but by the linearity of @xmath33 , @xmath151 which is a contradiction , so @xmath33 must be @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 .
this implies that any linear inequality valid for @xmath152 is valid for @xmath15 , which proves @xmath153 .
we now have two ways of looking at the relaxations @xmath15 one by a characterization of the linear inequalities that hold on them and the other by a characterization of the points in them .
these two perspectives complement each other .
the inequality version is useful to prove ( or disprove ) convergence of theta bodies to @xmath154 while the description via semidefinite programming is essential for practical computations .
all the applications we consider use real radical ideals in which case the two descriptions of @xmath15 coincide up to closure . in some cases , as we now show , the closure can be omitted .
[ thm : omit closure ] let @xmath102 $ ] be a real radical ideal and @xmath14 be a positive integer .
if there exists some linear polynomial @xmath34 that is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 with a representing matrix @xmath143 that is positive definite , then @xmath96 is closed and equals @xmath15 .
for this proof we will use a standard result from convex analysis : let @xmath155 and @xmath156 be finite dimensional vector spaces , @xmath157 be a cone and @xmath158 be a linear map such that @xmath159 .
then @xmath160 where @xmath161 is the adjoint operator to @xmath162 .
in particular , @xmath163 is closed in @xmath164 , the dual vector space to @xmath155 .
the proof of this result follows , for example , from corollary 3.3.13 in @xcite by setting @xmath165 . throughout the proof we will identify @xmath4_l / i$ ] , for all @xmath53 , with the space @xmath166 by simply considering the coordinates in the basis @xmath167 .
consider the inclusion map @xmath168 , and let @xmath169 be the cone in @xmath170 of polynomials that can be written as a sum of squares of polynomials of degree at most @xmath14 .
the interior of this cone is precisely the set of sums of squares @xmath34 with a positive definite representing matrix @xmath143 .
our hypothesis then simply states that @xmath171 which implies by the above result that @xmath163 is closed .
note that @xmath172 is the set of elements @xmath78 in @xmath170 such that @xmath173 is nonnegative for all @xmath174 and this is the same as demanding @xmath175 for all positive semidefinite matrices @xmath108 , which is equivalent to demanding that @xmath176 .
so @xmath163 is just the set @xmath177 and by intersecting it with the plane @xmath178 we get @xmath96 which is therefore closed .
one very important case where the conditions of theorem [ thm : omit closure ] holds is when @xmath11 is the vanishing ideal of a set of @xmath179 points .
this is precisely the case of most interest in combinatorial optimization .
[ cor:01 ] if @xmath180 and @xmath181 , then @xmath182 .
it is enough to show that there is a linear polynomial @xmath183 $ ] such that @xmath184^t a \ff_k[\xx]$ ] mod @xmath11 for a _ positive definite _ matrix @xmath162 and some @xmath63-basis @xmath59 of @xmath4/i$ ] .
let @xmath162 be the matrix @xmath185 where @xmath186 , @xmath187 is the vector with all entries equal to @xmath188 , and @xmath189 is the diagonal matrix with all diagonal entries equal to @xmath190 .
this matrix is positive definite since @xmath191 is positive definite and its schur complement @xmath192 is positive . since @xmath193 mod @xmath11 for @xmath66 and @xmath59 is a monomial basis , for any @xmath194 , @xmath195 mod @xmath11 .
therefore , the constant ( linear polynomial ) @xmath196^t a\ff_k[\xx]$ ] mod @xmath11 . the assumption that @xmath11 is real radical seems very strong .
however , we now establish a relationship between the theta bodies of an ideal and those of its real radical , showing that @xmath17{i}$ ] determines the asymptotic behavior of @xmath15 .
we start by proving a small technical lemma .
[ lemma : epsilon ] given an ideal @xmath11 and a polynomial @xmath33 of degree @xmath128 such that @xmath197 for some @xmath198 , the polynomial @xmath199 for every @xmath200 .
first , note that for any @xmath201 and any @xmath202 we have @xmath203 and so @xmath204 is @xmath205-sos modulo @xmath11 . for @xmath206
, define the polynomial @xmath207 to be the truncation of the taylor series of @xmath208 at degree @xmath209 i.e. , @xmath210 when we square @xmath207 we get a polynomial whose terms of degree at most @xmath209 are exactly the first @xmath209 terms of @xmath211 , and by checking the signs of each of the coefficients of @xmath207 we can see that the remaining terms of @xmath212 will be negative for odd powers and positive for even powers .
composing @xmath213 with @xmath33 we get @xmath214 where the @xmath215 and @xmath216 are positive numbers . in particular @xmath217 on the right hand side of this equality the only term who is not immediately a sum of squares is the last one , but by the above remark , since @xmath218 , by adding an arbitrarily small positive number , it becomes @xmath219-sos modulo @xmath11 . by checking the degrees throughout the sum
, one can see that for any @xmath202 , @xmath220 is @xmath221-sos modulo @xmath11 . since @xmath222 and @xmath223 are arbitrary positive numbers we get the desired result .
lemma [ lemma : epsilon ] , together with the real nullstellensatz , gives us an important relationship between the theta body hierarchy of an ideal and that of its real radical .
[ thm : theta_inclusion ] fix an ideal @xmath11 .
then , there exists a function @xmath224 such that @xmath225{i})$ ] for all @xmath14 .
fix some @xmath14 , and let @xmath226 be a linear polynomial that is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath17{i}$ ] .
this means that there exists some sum of squares @xmath227_{2k}$ ] such that @xmath228{i}$ ] .
therefore , by the real nullstellensatz ( theorem [ thm : real_nullstellensatz ] ) , @xmath229 for @xmath230 , where @xmath127 depends only on the ideal @xmath11 . by lemma [ lemma : epsilon ]
it follows that @xmath231 is @xmath232-sos modulo @xmath11 for every @xmath200 .
let @xmath233 .
then we have that @xmath234 is @xmath235-sos modulo @xmath11 for all @xmath200 .
this means that for every @xmath200 , the inequality @xmath236 is valid on @xmath237 for @xmath33 linear and @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath17{i}$ ] .
therefore , @xmath238 is also valid on @xmath237 , and hence , @xmath239{i})$ ] .
note that the function @xmath240 whose existence we just proved , can be notoriously bad in practice , as it can be much higher than necessary .
the best theoretical bounds on @xmath240 come from quantifier elimination and so increase very fast .
however , if we are only interested in convergence of the theta body sequence , as is often the case , theorem [ thm : theta_inclusion ] tells us that we might as well assume that our ideals are real radical .
in this section we illustrate the computation of theta bodies on two examples . in the first example
, @xmath72 is finite and hence @xmath12 is a polytope , while in the second example @xmath72 is infinite .
convex approximations of polytopes via linear or semidefinite programming have received a great deal of attention in combinatorial optimization where the typical problem is to maximize a linear function @xmath241 as @xmath242 varies over the characteristic vectors @xmath243 of some combinatorial objects @xmath244 .
since this discrete optimization problem is equivalent to the linear program in which one maximizes @xmath241 over all @xmath245 and @xmath246 is usually unavailable , one resorts to approximations of this polytope over which one can optimize in a reasonable way .
a combinatorial optimization problem that has been tested heavily in this context is the _ maximum stable set problem _ in a graph which we use as our first example . in @xcite , lovsz constructed the _ theta body of a graph _ which was the first example of a semidefinite programming relaxation of a combinatorial optimization problem .
the hierarchy of theta bodies for an arbitrary polynomial ideal are a natural generalization of lovsz s theta body for a graph , which explains their name .
our work on theta bodies was initiated by two problems that were posed by lovsz in ( * ? ? ?
* problems 8.3 and 8.4 ) suggesting this generalization and its properties .
let @xmath247,e)$ ] be an undirected graph with vertex set @xmath248=\{1,\ldots , n\}$ ] and edge set @xmath249 .
stable set _ in @xmath250 is a set @xmath251 $ ] such that for all @xmath252 , @xmath253 .
the maximum stable set problem seeks the stable set of largest cardinality in @xmath250 , the size of which is the _ stability number _ of @xmath250 , denoted as @xmath254 .
the maximum stable set problem can be modeled as follows . for each stable
set @xmath251 $ ] , let @xmath255 be its _ characteristic vector _ defined as @xmath256 if @xmath257 and @xmath258 otherwise .
let @xmath259 be the set of characteristic vectors of all stable sets in @xmath250 .
then @xmath260 is called the _ stable set polytope _ of @xmath250 and the maximum stable set problem is , in theory , the linear program @xmath261 with optimal value @xmath254 .
however , @xmath262 is not known apriori , and so one resorts to relaxations of it over which one can optimize @xmath263 . in order to compute theta bodies for this example , we first need to view @xmath264 as the real variety of an ideal .
the natural ideal to take is , @xmath265 , the vanishing ideal of @xmath264 .
it can be checked that this real radical ideal is @xmath266 , \,\ ,
x_ix_j \ , \forall \,\ , \{i , j\ } \in e \rangle \subset \rr[x_1 , \ldots , x_n].\ ] ] for @xmath251 $ ] , let @xmath267 . from the generators of @xmath268
it follows that if @xmath18 $ ] , then @xmath269 mod @xmath268 where @xmath34 is in the @xmath39-span of the set of monomials @xmath270 .
check that @xmath271 is a @xmath63-basis of @xmath4/i_g$ ] containing @xmath272 .
this implies that @xmath273 , and for @xmath274 , their product is @xmath275 which is @xmath276 if @xmath277 is not a stable set in @xmath250 .
this product formula allows us to compute @xmath79 where we index the element @xmath278 by the set @xmath279 .
since @xmath259 and @xmath280 is real radical , by corollary [ cor:01 ] , we have that @xmath281 in particular , indexing the one element stable sets by the vertices of @xmath250 , @xmath282\\ m_{ij } = 0 \,\,\forall \,\ , \{i , j\ } \in e \end{array } \right \}.\ ] ] let @xmath283 be a pentagon
. then @xmath284 and @xmath285 let @xmath286 be a vector whose coordinates are indexed by the elements of @xmath59 in the given order .
then @xmath287 and @xmath288 @xmath289 it will follow from proposition [ prop : odd_cycle ] below that @xmath290 in general , it is a non - trivial task to decide whether two convex bodies coincide and thus to check whether a given theta body , @xmath15 , equals @xmath291 .
one technique is to show that all linear functions @xmath292 such that @xmath293 on @xmath72 are @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11 .
two illustrations of this method appear shortly .
the first theta body of @xmath268 is exactly the theta body , @xmath294 , of @xmath250 as defined by lovsz ( * ? ? ?
* lemma 2.17 ) .
the higher theta bodies @xmath295 shown above give a nested sequence of convex relaxations of @xmath262 extending lovsz s @xmath294 .
the problem @xmath296 can be solved to arbitrary precision in polynomial time in the size of @xmath250 via semidefinite programming .
the optimal value of this semidefinite program is called the _ theta number _ of @xmath250 and provides an upper bound on @xmath254 .
see ( * ? ? ?
* chap . 9 ) and @xcite for more on the stable set problem and @xmath297 .
the body @xmath297 was the first example of a semidefinite programming relaxation of a discrete optimization problem and snowballed the use of semidefinite programming in combinatorial optimization .
see @xcite for surveys .
recall that a graph @xmath250 is _ perfect _ if and only if @xmath250 has no induced odd cycles of length at least five , or their complements .
lovsz showed that @xmath298 if and only if @xmath250 is perfect .
this equality shows that the maximum stable set problem can be solved in polynomial time in the size of @xmath250 when @xmath250 is a perfect graph , and this geometric proof is the only one known for this complexity result . since
a pentagon is not perfect , it follows that for @xmath250 a pentagon , @xmath299 .
we will see in corollary [ cor : finite_real_variety ] that when @xmath72 is finite , then there is some finite @xmath14 for which @xmath300 . since no monomial in the basis @xmath59 of @xmath4/i_g$ ] has degree larger than @xmath254 , for any @xmath250 , @xmath301 which proves that when @xmath250 is a pentagon , @xmath302 .
we now prove a second , general reason why @xmath302 when @xmath250 is a pentagon .
a simple class of linear inequalities that are valid on @xmath262 are the _ odd cycle inequalties _
, @xmath303 , where @xmath304 is an odd cycle in @xmath250 .
[ prop : odd_cycle ] for any graph @xmath250 , all odd cycle inequalities are valid on @xmath305 .
let @xmath306 and @xmath304 be an @xmath5-cycle
. then @xmath307 \rangle$ ] where @xmath308 .
therefore , @xmath309 and @xmath310 .
this implies that , mod @xmath311 , @xmath312 summing over @xmath313 , we get @xmath314 since @xmath315 and @xmath316 lie in @xmath311 .
. then @xmath318 and mod @xmath311 we get that @xmath319 thus , @xmath320 is @xmath321-sos mod @xmath311 .
now let @xmath250 be any graph and @xmath304 be an induced @xmath322-cycle in @xmath250 .
then since @xmath323 , @xmath320 is @xmath321-sos mod @xmath268 which proves the result .
[ cor : odd_cycle_theta2 ] if @xmath250 is an odd cycle of length at least five , @xmath324 .
it is known that the facet inequalities of @xmath262 for @xmath250 an @xmath325-cycle are : @xmath326 , \,\,\ , 1 - x_i - x_{i+1 } \geq 0 \,\,\forall \,\,i \in [ n ] , \,\,\,\textup { and } \,\,\ , k - \sum_{i=1}^{n } x_i \geq 0\ ] ] ( see for instance , ( * ? ? ?
* corollary 65.12a ) ) .
clearly , @xmath327 is @xmath321-sos mod @xmath268 for all @xmath328 $ ] , and check that @xmath329 mod @xmath268 for all @xmath330 . by proposition [ prop : odd_cycle ]
, @xmath331 is 2-sos mod @xmath268 .
if @xmath332_1 $ ] such that @xmath293 on @xmath262 , then @xmath292 is a nonnegative linear combination of the facet inequalities of @xmath262 , and hence @xmath292 is 2-sos mod @xmath268 . using the same method as in proposition [ prop : odd_cycle ] ,
one can show that the _ odd antihole _ and _ odd wheel _ inequalities ( * ? ? ? * chap .
9 ) that are valid for @xmath262 are also valid for @xmath333 .
schoenebeck @xcite has shown that there is no constant @xmath14 such that @xmath334 for all graphs @xmath250 ( as expected , unless p = np ) .
however , no explicit family of graphs that exhibit this behavior is known .
consider the cardioid with defining equation @xmath335 this plane curve is the real variety of the ideal @xmath336 where @xmath337 points on this variety are parametrized by the angle @xmath63 made by the line segment from the origin to the point , with the @xmath338-axis , by the equations : @xmath339 it can be checked that the half space containing the origin defined by the tangent to the cardiod at @xmath340 is @xmath341 we now compute theta bodies of this ideal .
since the defining ideal of the cardiod is generated by a quartic polynomial , no linear polynomial is a sum of squares of linear polynomials modulo this ideal .
therefore , @xmath342 .
a @xmath39-vector space basis @xmath59 of @xmath343/i$ ] is given by the monomials in @xmath338 and @xmath344 that are not divisible by @xmath345 .
in particular , @xmath346 and suppose the coordinates of @xmath347 are indexed as follows ( @xmath348 ) : @xmath349 to compute @xmath350 we need to express @xmath351 as a linear combination of elements in @xmath352 for every @xmath353 and then linearize this linear combination using @xmath78 .
for example , @xmath354 which linearizes to @xmath355 doing all these computations shows that @xmath356 for a given @xmath63 we can find the maximum @xmath357 such that @xmath358 is in @xmath359 , using an sdp - solver
. this point will be on the boundary of @xmath359 , and if we vary @xmath63 , we will trace that boundary . in fig .
[ fig : cardioid ] we show the result obtained by repeating this procedure over @xmath360 equally spaced directions and solving this problem using sedumi 1.1r3 @xcite .
compared with the cardioid . ] from the figure , @xmath359 seems to match the convex hull of the cardiod , suggesting that @xmath361 . to prove this equality
, we would have to construct a sos representation modulo the ideal for each of the tangents to the cardiod . independently of that
, it is clear from the figure that @xmath359 does a very good job of approximating this convex hull .
we now explain how one can also optimize a linear function over a theta body using the original sos definition of the body . for a vector @xmath362 , maximizing @xmath241 over @xmath15 is the same as minimizing @xmath41 such that @xmath363 is nonnegative on @xmath15 . under some mild assumptions such as compactness of @xmath15 or @xmath11 being real radical ,
this is precisely the same as minimizing @xmath41 such that @xmath363 is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 .
consider the previous example of the cardioid and let @xmath364 .
if we want to optimize in that direction over @xmath359 , we need to minimize @xmath365 such that @xmath366 is @xmath321-sos modulo @xmath11 . if @xmath367 , then @xmath368 is @xmath321-sos modulo @xmath11 if and only if there exists a @xmath369 by @xmath369 positive semidefinite matrix @xmath162 such that @xmath370 by carrying out the multiplications and doing the simplifications using the ideal one gets that this is equivalent to finding @xmath371 such that @xmath372 so our problem is minimizing @xmath365 such that there exists @xmath371 verifying @xmath373 . ] by taking @xmath374 , varying @xmath63 and tracing all the optimal @xmath375 obtained one can get a contour of @xmath359 . in fig .
[ fig : cardioid2 ] we can see all the @xmath376 s obtained by repeating this process @xmath377 times using sedumi .
in any hierarchy of relaxations , one crucial question is that of convergence : under what conditions does the sequence @xmath15 approach @xmath90 ? another important question is whether the limit is actually reached in a finite number of steps . in this section
we will give a brief overview of the known answers to these questions .
in general , convergence is not assured .
in fact , for the ideal @xmath378 , whose real variety is a cusp , the closure of @xmath379 is the half plane defined by @xmath380 .
however , all the theta bodies of @xmath11 are just @xmath381 .
this follows immediately from the fact that no linear polynomial can ever be written as a sum of squares modulo this ideal .
fortunately , many interesting ideals behave nicely with respect to the theta body hierarchy . in particular ,
the central result in this area tells us that compactness of @xmath13 implies convergence of the theta body hierarchy of @xmath11 . for any ideal
@xmath9 $ ] such that @xmath72 is compact , @xmath382 let @xmath383 be a set of generators for @xmath11 .
we can think of @xmath72 as the compact semialgebraic set @xmath384 .
then schmdgen s positivstellensatz @xcite applied to @xmath23 , guarantees that any linear polynomial @xmath292 that is strictly positive on @xmath72 has a sos representation modulo @xmath11 .
hence , @xmath293 is valid for @xmath15 for some @xmath14 . in general ,
however , we are interested in finite convergence more than in asymptotic convergence , since in that case the theta bodies can give us a representation of the closure of the convex hull of the variety as the projection of a spectrahedron , an important theoretical problem on its own .
we will say that an ideal @xmath11 is * @xmath385-exact * if @xmath386 and * @xmath387-exact * if it is @xmath385-exact for some @xmath14 .
we first note that to study @xmath387-exactness of an ideal depends only on the real radical of the ideal .
[ thm : real_radical_exactness ] an ideal @xmath9 $ ] is @xmath387-exact if and only if @xmath17{i}$ ] is @xmath387-exact .
the `` if '' direction follows from theorem [ thm : theta_inclusion ] , while the `` only if '' direction follows from the fact that @xmath388{i}$ ] . an important case in which @xmath387-exactness holds is when @xmath13 is finite .
[ cor : finite_real_variety ] if @xmath11 is an ideal such that @xmath72 is finite , then @xmath11 is @xmath387-exact .
by theorem [ thm : real_radical_exactness ] we can assume that @xmath11 is real radical .
if @xmath389 , then we can construct interpolators @xmath390 $ ] such that @xmath391 if @xmath392 and @xmath393 otherwise .
assume that @xmath14 is the highest degree of a @xmath49 .
since @xmath394 vanishes on @xmath72 , @xmath395{i } = i$ ] and therefore , @xmath49 is @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11 for @xmath396 . if @xmath397 on @xmath13 , then check that @xmath398 mod @xmath11 . since the polynomial on the right hand side is a nonnegative combination of the @xmath49 s which are @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11
, @xmath33 is @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11 . in particular
, all the linear polynomials that are nonnegative on @xmath72 are @xmath14-sos mod @xmath11 and so , @xmath399 . under the stronger assumption that @xmath400 is finite , @xmath387-exactness of @xmath11 follows from a result of parrilo ( see @xcite for a proof ) .
the work in @xcite implies that when @xmath72 is finite , the bodies @xmath96 converges in a finite number of steps , a slightly weaker result than the one in corollary [ cor : finite_real_variety ] .
finite varieties are of great importance in practice . for instance , they are precisely the feasible regions of the @xmath179 integer programs . to study @xmath387-exactness in more detail , a better characterization is needed .
[ thm : theta_sos ] a real radical ideal @xmath9 $ ] is @xmath385-exact if and only if all linear polynomials @xmath53 that are non - negative in @xmath72 are @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath11 .
the `` if '' direction follows from the definition of theta bodies .
the `` only if '' direction is a consequence of the proof of theorem [ thm : lasserre_vs_theta ] which said that when @xmath11 is real radical , @xmath401 for all @xmath402 . recall that in the second part of that proof we showed that any linear inequality valid for @xmath403 was @xmath402-sos mod @xmath11 .
therefore , if @xmath28 , then being nonnegative over @xmath134 is equivalent to being nonnegative over @xmath72 giving us the intended result .
the last general result on exactness that we will present , taken from @xcite , is a negative one .
given a point @xmath404 we define the _ tangent space _ of @xmath405 , @xmath406 , to be the affine space passing through @xmath405 and orthogonal to the vector space spanned by the gradients of all polynomials that vanish on @xmath72 .
we say that a point @xmath405 in @xmath72 is _ convex - singular _
, if it is on the boundary of @xmath379 and @xmath406 is not tangent to @xmath379 i.e. , @xmath407 intersects the relative interior of @xmath379 .
[ thm : convex_singularity ] an ideal with a convex - singularity is not @xmath387-exact .
let @xmath11 be an ideal and @xmath405 a convex - singular point of @xmath72 , and @xmath408 . by theorem [ thm : real_radical_exactness ] ,
it is enough to show that @xmath409 is not @xmath387-exact .
let @xmath292 be a linear polynomial that is positive on the relative interior of @xmath379 and zero at @xmath405 , which we can always find since @xmath405 is on the boundary of @xmath379 .
if @xmath409 was @xmath385-exact for some @xmath14 , then since @xmath409 is real radical , by theorem [ thm : theta_sos ] we would be able to write @xmath410 where @xmath222 is a sum of squares and @xmath411 .
evaluating at @xmath405 , we see that @xmath412 , which since @xmath222 is a sum of squares , implies that @xmath413 . therefore , we must have @xmath414 .
let @xmath415 be a point in the relative interior of @xmath379 that is also in @xmath406 .
then by the definition of @xmath407 , @xmath416 which contradicts our choice of @xmath53 .
hence , @xmath11 is not @xmath385-exact . even in the presence of convex - singular points , the theta bodies of the defining ideal can approximate the convex hull of the real variety arbitrarily well , but they will not converge in finitely many steps .
an example of this is the ideal @xmath417 .
it has a compact real variety with a convex - singularity at the origin .
hence we have asymptotic convergence of the theta bodies , but not finite convergence .
the first theta body of this ideal is @xmath381 and in fig .
[ cusp ] we can see that the next two theta bodies already closely approximate the convex hull of the variety . .
] in the remainder of this section we focus on a more restricted exactness question .
problem 8.3 in @xcite motivates the question of which ideals in @xmath4 $ ] are @xmath418-exact .
of particular interest are vanishing ideals of finite sets of points in @xmath0 and ideals arising in combinatorial optimization .
[ thm : exact_points ] let @xmath23 be a finite set of points in @xmath0 , then @xmath181 is @xmath418-exact if and only if for each facet @xmath419 of the polytope @xmath30 there exists a hyperplane @xmath169 parallel to @xmath419 such that @xmath420 .
we can assume without loss of generality that @xmath30 is full - dimensional , otherwise we could restrict ourselves to its affine hull .
assume @xmath11 is @xmath418-exact and let @xmath419 be a facet of @xmath30 .
we can find a linear polynomial @xmath53 such that @xmath421 for all @xmath422 and @xmath423 for all @xmath424 . by theorem [ thm : theta_sos ]
, @xmath53 must be @xmath425-sos modulo @xmath11 which implies @xmath426 for some linear polynomials @xmath49 .
in particular , @xmath427 for all @xmath424 , and since @xmath53 vanishes in all points of @xmath428 , so must the @xmath49 .
this implies that all the @xmath49 s vanish on the hyperplane @xmath429 , since they are linear .
this is equivalent to saying that every @xmath49 is a scalar multiple of @xmath53 , and therefore , @xmath430 for some nonnegative @xmath365 .
then @xmath431 implies that @xmath432 which is the union of the hyperplanes @xmath433 and @xmath434 .
so take @xmath169 to be the second hyperplane .
suppose now for each facet @xmath419 of @xmath30 there exists a hyperplane @xmath169 parallel to @xmath419 such that @xmath420 .
this implies that for any facet @xmath419 and a fixed linear inequality @xmath435 that is valid on @xmath23 and holds at equality on @xmath419 , @xmath436 attains the same nonzero value at all points in @xmath437 . by scaling we
can assume that value to be one , which implies that @xmath438 is zero at all points in @xmath23 , and hence , @xmath439 .
but then @xmath440 is @xmath425-sos mod @xmath11 . by farkas lemma ,
any valid linear inequality for a polytope can be written as a nonnegative linear combination of the facet inequalities of the polytope .
therefore , any linear polynomial @xmath53 that is nonnegative over @xmath23 is a positive sum of @xmath425-sos polynomials mod @xmath11 , and hence , @xmath53 is @xmath425-sos mod @xmath11 .
now using theorem [ thm : theta_sos ] , @xmath11 is @xmath418-exact .
we call a polytope @xmath441 a @xmath14-_level _ polytope if for any facet @xmath419 of @xmath441 and any supporting hyperplane @xmath169 of @xmath419 , there are @xmath442 hyperplanes @xmath443
all parallel to @xmath169 such that the vertices of @xmath441 are contains in @xmath444 .
theorem [ thm : exact_points ] states that @xmath24 is @xmath418-exact if and only if @xmath23 is the set of vertices of a @xmath321-level polytope .
polytopes with integer vertices that are @xmath321-level are called _ compressed polytopes _ in the literature @xcite .
-level polytopes in @xmath445 up to affine transformations . ]
examples of @xmath321-level polytopes include simplices , cubes and cross - polytopes .
in @xmath445 , up to affine transformations , there are only five different @xmath321-level polytopes and they are shown in fig . [ fig : good_poly ] .
an example of a polytope that is not @xmath321-level is the truncated cube shown in figure [ fig : bad_poly ] .
three parallel translates of the hyperplane spanned by the slanted face are needed to contain all vertices of the polytope , and hence this is a @xmath446-level polytope .
combinatorial properties of @xmath321-level polytopes can be found in @xcite .
-level but not @xmath321-level . ] the result in theorem [ thm : exact_points ] can be generalized to a ( weak ) sufficient criterion for @xmath385-exactness .
[ thm : level_polytope ] if @xmath1 is the set of vertices of a @xmath447-level polytope then @xmath24 is @xmath385-exact . as before
, we may assume that @xmath30 is full - dimensional , and as observed in the proof of theorem [ thm : exact_points ] , it is enough to prove that for every facet @xmath419 of @xmath30 , if @xmath448 is a linear polynomial that is zero on @xmath419 and non - negative on @xmath23 then @xmath448 is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath24
. we can also assume that @xmath419 is contained in the hyperplane @xmath449 , and that all points in @xmath23 have nonnegative first coordinate , as all the properties we are interested in are invariant under translations .
then , by scaling , we may assume @xmath450 , and the @xmath447-level property tells us that there exist @xmath14 positive values @xmath451 such that all points in @xmath23 have the first coordinate in the set @xmath452 .
then we can construct a one variable lagrange interpolator @xmath34 of degree @xmath14 such that @xmath453 and @xmath454 for @xmath455 .
this will imply that @xmath456 modulo @xmath24 and so @xmath448 is @xmath14-sos modulo @xmath24 .
this sufficient condition is very restrictive in general , and in fact can be arbitrarily bad .
we saw in corollary [ cor : odd_cycle_theta2 ] that if @xmath250 is a @xmath322-cycle then the ideal @xmath268 is @xmath457-exact .
however notice that we need @xmath458 parallel translates of the hyperplane @xmath459 to cover all the vertices of @xmath262 , since the incidence vectors of the stable sets in @xmath250 can have anywhere from @xmath393 to @xmath14 entries equal to one .
theorem [ thm : level_polytope ] would only guarantee that @xmath268 is @xmath385-exact .
when @xmath13 is not finite , @xmath418-exactness becomes harder to guarantee .
a useful result in this direction is an alternative characterization of the first theta body of any ideal @xmath11 .
given any ideal @xmath11 , if we take all convex quadratic polynomials in @xmath11 , and intersect the convex hulls of their zero sets , we obtain @xmath460 exactly .
this result , proved in ( * ? ? ?
* theorem 5.4 ) , can be used in some simple cases to both prove or disprove @xmath418-exactness .
many other questions on convergence remain open .
for example , there is no known example of a smooth variety whose theta body hierarchy does not converge finitely , but there is also no reason to believe that such an example does not exist . in all studied examples of smooth hypersurfaces , convergence happens at the first non - trivial theta body .
either an explanation for this behavior , or a few examples of badly behaved smooth hypersurfaces , would be an important first step toward a better understanding of the theta body hierarchy for smooth varieties .
non - compact varieties have also not received much attention .
in section [ sec : stableset ] we computed the theta body hierarchy for the maximum stable set problem .
another important problem in combinatorial optimization is the maximum cut ( maxcut ) problem . given a graph @xmath247,e)$ ]
, we say that @xmath461 is a * cut * of @xmath250 , if there exists some partition of the vertices into two sets @xmath155 and @xmath156 such that @xmath304 is the set of edges between a vertex in @xmath155 and a vertex in @xmath156 .
the maxcut problem is the problem of finding a cut in @xmath250 of maximum cardinality .
theta bodies of the maxcut problem were studied in @xcite , and in this subsection we will present some of those results .
the model we use is similar to the one used in the stable set problem .
the characteristic vector of a cut @xmath304 of @xmath250 , is the vector @xmath462 defined as @xmath463 if @xmath464 and @xmath425 otherwise .
let @xmath465 be the collection of all characteristic vectors of cuts of @xmath250 , and @xmath466 the vanishing ideal of @xmath465 .
the maximum cardinality cut of @xmath250 can be found , in principle , by optimizing @xmath467 over @xmath465 .
however , this is a difficult problem and the size of the the maxcut can be approximated by optimizing @xmath467 over @xmath468 .
it is not hard to show that @xmath466 is generated by the polynomials @xmath469 for all @xmath470 , together with the polynomials @xmath471 where @xmath472 is a chordless cycle . using
this one can construct a @xmath63-basis for @xmath466 , but to do that we need to introduce another combinatorial concept . given an even set @xmath473 $ ]
, we call a subgraph @xmath169 of @xmath250 a @xmath244-join if the set of vertices of @xmath169 with odd degree is precisely @xmath244 . for example
an @xmath474-join is a cycle , and the minimal @xmath475-join is the shortest path from @xmath476 to @xmath402 .
it is clear that there exists a @xmath244-join if and only if @xmath244 has an even number of nodes in each of the connected components of @xmath250 .
define @xmath477 \,:\ ,
\exists \,\ , t-\textrm{join in } g\}$ ] , and for each @xmath478 , choose @xmath479 to be a @xmath244-join with a minimal number of edges .
define @xmath480 , and note that @xmath481 .
then one can show that @xmath482 is a @xmath63-basis for @xmath466 , and we can therefore identify @xmath59 with @xmath483 and each @xmath74 with @xmath484 . we can now give a description of the theta bodies of @xmath466 .
@xmath485 in particular , since @xmath486 we get @xmath487 these relaxations are very closely related to some older hierarchies of relaxations for the maxcut problem .
in particular they have a very interesting relation with the relaxation introduced in @xcite .
the theta body relaxation as it is , is not very strong , as shown by the following proposition .
convergence can be sped up for graphs with large cycles by taking a chordal closure of the graph , computing the theta body for this new graph , and then projecting to the space of edges of the original graph .
if instead of the chordal closure one takes the complete graph over the same vertices , we essentially recover the hierarchy introduced in @xcite .
one can use the usual theta body hierarchy together with theorem [ thm : exact_points ] to solve a question posed by lovsz in ( * ? ? ?
* problem 8.4 ) .
motivated by the fact that a graph is perfect if and only if the stable set ideal @xmath268 is @xmath418-exact , lovsz asked to characterize the graphs that were cut - perfect , i.e. , graphs @xmath250 for which @xmath466 is @xmath418-exact .
it turns out that such a strong cut - perfect graph theorem is not too hard to derive . in ( * ? ? ?
4 ) , de loera et al . study the behavior of the theta body hierarchy when applied to ideals associated to permutation groups .
let @xmath490 be a subgroup of permutations and identify each element in @xmath162 with a permutation matrix .
we can then see these permutation matrices as vectors in @xmath491 and define @xmath492 to be their vanishing ideal .
one of the main goals in ( * ? ? ?
4 ) is to provide sufficient conditions for the @xmath418-exactness of @xmath492 .
a permutation group @xmath162 is _ permutation summable _
if for all @xmath493 such that all entries of @xmath494 are nonnegative , @xmath494 is itself a sum of matrices in @xmath162 . for example
, @xmath495 itself is permutation summable as a direct consequence of birkhoff s theorem .
we say that @xmath162 is _ strongly fixed - point free _ if the only permutation in @xmath162 that has fixed points is the identity . in terms of matrices
this is equivalent to saying that an element of @xmath162 is either the identity or has a zero diagonal .
this trivially implies that all strongly fixed - point free groups are permutation summable .
a very interesting class of permutation groups is the automorphism groups of graphs . given a graph @xmath247,e)$ ] ,
@xmath497 is defined to be the group of vertex permutations @xmath222 such that @xmath330 implies @xmath498 .
automorphism polytope _ of @xmath250 , denoted as @xmath499 , is the convex hull of @xmath500 , where again we are identifying a permutation with its matrix representation .
there has been some study of ways to relax this polytope .
see @xcite for instance .
one such relaxation is the polytope @xmath501 of all the points @xmath502 such that @xmath503 @xmath504 where @xmath505 is the @xmath506 adjacency matrix of @xmath250 .
if in the constraints of @xmath501 we replace @xmath507 by @xmath508 , then we get precisely @xmath500 .
in fact , @xmath499 is the integer hull of @xmath501 i.e. , the convex hull of the integer points of @xmath501 . if @xmath509 then @xmath250 is said to be _
it is not hard to show that @xmath510 , so the first theta body provides an approximation of @xmath499 that is at least as good as the linear approximation @xmath501 , but one can actually say more .
* theorem 4.4 ) the class of compact graphs is strictly included in the class of graphs with @xmath418-exact automorphism ideal . in particular , let @xmath511 be @xmath14-regular graphs ( all vertices have degree @xmath14 ) that are compact and @xmath250 their disjoint union . then @xmath512 is @xmath418-exact , but @xmath250 is compact if and only if @xmath513 . finally note that while theta bodies of automorphism groups of graphs have interesting theoretical properties , computing with them tends to be quite hard , as there is no easy general way to obtain a good @xmath63-basis for this problem . in fact , knowing if a graph has a non - trivial automorphism , the _ graph automorphism problem _ , is equivalent to knowing if a @xmath63-basis for @xmath512 has more than one element . determining the complexity class of this problem is a major open question .
jonathan m. borwein and adrian s. lewis . _ convex analysis and nonlinear optimization . theory and
examples_. cms books in mathematics / ouvrages de mathmatiques de la smc , 3 .
springer , new york , second edition , 2006 .
martin grtschel , lszl lovsz , and alexander schrijver .
_ geometric algorithms and combinatorial optimization _ , vol . 2 of _ algorithms and combinatorics_. springer - verlag , berlin , second edition , 1993 .
monique laurent .
sums of squares , moment matrices and optimization over polynomials . in _ emerging applications of algebraic geometry _ , vol .
149 of _ i m a volumes in mathematics and its applications_. springer , 2009 .
monique laurent and franz rendl .
semidefinite programming and integer programming . in karen aardal ,
george nemhauser , and robert weismantel , editors , _
handbook on discrete optimization _ , pp .
elsevier b.v . , 2005 .
henri lombardi .
une borne sur les degrs pour le thorme des zros rel effectif . in _ real algebraic geometry ( rennes , 1991 ) _ , vol .
1524 of _ lecture notes in math .
_ , pp . 323345 .
springer , berlin , 1992 .
lszl lovsz .
semidefinite programs and combinatorial optimization . in _ recent advances in algorithms and combinatorics _ , vol .
11 of _ cms books math./ouvrages math .
smc _ , pp .
springer , new york , 2003 .
alexander schrijver .
_ combinatorial optimization .
polyhedra and efficiency .
b _ , vol . 24 of _ algorithms and combinatorics_. springer - verlag , berlin , 2003
. matroids , trees , stable sets , chaps .
3969 .
richard p. stanley .
decompositions of rational convex polytopes .
_ ann . discrete math .
_ , 6:333342 , 1980 .
combinatorial mathematics , optimal designs and their applications ( proc .
combin . math . and optimal design , colorado state univ . , fort collins , colo . , 1978 ) . | arxiv |
Fullmetal Alchemist, Harry Potter 1. Chapter 1
**I'm back my little minions. I hope to post a chapter of this every one of two days so be sure to check often. I haven't actually finished FMA so I will probably make stuff up from what I've heard so please don't flame me for it. **
**I DON'T OWN FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST OR HARRY POTTER. FOR ALL THE DIABETICS IN THE WORLD!**
The Curse of Immortality
Chapter 1: A Small Request
**Ed's P.O.V.**
The Gate stood in front of me. "Hey Truth you bastard, I've came for my brother." I said to the figure that was sitting in the ground before me.
"Oh? And what would that be Mr Alchemist?" The child said in a mocking tone.
I sighed. After all, who didn't find standing in front of this guy nerve wracking? "This!" I shouted, pointing my new flesh right arm at the Gate.
"So you would give up your Gate? But without it you will be normal. Think about this carefully now, is that what you truly want?" Truth said. Shock crossed his face.
"Who needs alchemy when I have them?" I answered. I would do anything to get my brother back.
"Well done Mr Alchemist. You beat me, but I can't do that." He said, tombstone teeth grinning at me. "Instead I offer this. If you can take Father's Philosopher Stone off this world, I will give your brothers real body and soul back. You can also have that stupid Colonel's sight and your teacher's stomach. How is that?"
What did he mean I couldn't give my Gate? And he would give all that for me doing that one thing for him. It doesn't make sense. "Truth tell me, why would you do all that for one thing, there must be some hidden meaning, and what do you mean about another world?"
"Precisely that. There exists another world that I have no control over. They use a something that they call 'magic'. As for your other questions, well let's just say that I quite like you Edward. I want to help you so that you don't fall down the same path that many others have fallen to. You are so tuned into your alchemy that if I were to take it away, your body would no longer accept you and you would die a very painful death. Also, you and your brother would still be connected so if you die, he dies."
"I accept then. It's strange to see you so caring but I could get used to it. Please, make sure my brother gets home safe." I say, sad that I won't be able to see Al and how sad he will be.
"One moment Mr Alchemist. I will need your arm to let everything go through the Gate. I'll give you that automail arm back and some knowledge to keep you alive. I'll tell your brother everything we discussed." When truth said that, my new arm left and the automail one came back. Sorry Al.
"Well then Truth, goodbye." I say as the small, childlike hands pulled me into the gate. Knolage was once again poured into my head. The gate dropped me in Germany, during the war as it was ending.
That was 50 years ago.
**So I hope you like that intro. Please leave a comment in the bar BELOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! Also give me any ideas on what you want to happen. All are appreciated. BYE~.**
2. Chapter 2
**Hello my minion army. I worked really hard on this during Chemistry and English today and also had a band after school. Yawn~*. Anyway I hope you enjoy this. To all my reviewers, THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT, I really appreciate it. I do not own Harry Potter or Fullmetal Alchemist.**
Chapter 2: A Small Request
**Ed's P.O.V.**
"Charlie! I found the eggs! Come; let's get them back to the camp!" I roared to my partner, Charlie Weasley over the wind. We were searching the mountains of Canada for some dragon eggs that some muggle had found. We had now found the eggs at the top of a tall cliff and where proceeding to bring them down.
Once they were in the camp, I walked over to a small toddler dragon that the wizards had gained from a school in Scotland. I think it was Hogwarts. It was a small girl Norwegian Ridgeback called Norbeta. It was actually Norbert but it was found that it was a girl.
She was easy to handle and was occasionally thought of as a pet between the breeders. I fed her some meat as Charlie came up behind me.
"Well done getting the dragon eggs down the mountain. That was pretty tough. The other boys wanted to get you over to chat. I heard then whispering about setting a dragon on you if you didn't." He said while smirking.
"Well let's go before they ruin half the camp." I answer. I wouldn't doubt the others, or Carter. He always did crazy stuff like that.
"Yo shorty. Have you grown shorter lately or where you always like that?" Carter really reminds me of Mustang with his names.
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE COULD BE A NEEDLE IN A HAYSTACK!"
The others laughed at my rant. It wasn't every day you could be around to see one of my short rants. Normally I was either away or sleeping and it was unlikely for me to be in the one place for too long.
"So have you heard from the Daily Prophet?" one man said to me.
"No, I've never read that stupid newspaper for a good 20 years. It is possible to live without reading a newspaper." I said, looking at their dumbstruck expressions.
"You really should read a newspaper once in a while. It keeps you up to date with what's happening out in our world. Anyway, I heard Flamel died a few days ago due to the Sorcerer's Stone's destruction." Carter said. I was hit with sadness. I remember meeting Nicky when he was learning alchemy. He was full of life and always wanting to help those in need. I had helped him create a magical version of the Philosopher's Stone which he called the Sorcerer's Stone. He was a good man.
An owl then swooped down and landed on my shoulder, breaking me from my train of thought. The letter that was addressed to me was written in the tell-tale handwriting of an old friend.
"Hey Ed, who's the letter from?" One of the older researchers asked.
"Albus Dumbledore, an old acquaintance of mine." I said as I read the letter. It seems he wants me to protect a boy called Harry Potter. Boy can't be that troublesome if he needs my help. Then I saw that one line at the bottom saying 'And also, Nick wanted me to tell you that you are most defiantly short.' The others started backing away as soon as the dark aura was surrounding me.
"Looks like our time together has now ended. Have to help Al protect some kid at the school he works in." With that I took out my wand and apparated to the village of Hogsmade. From there I journeyed to meet with an old friend.
**So what do you think of this chapter? Like it? Hate it? I accept all comments. I'm a pretty slow writer but I do try to wright every day. Hope you are enjoying this and please give my plot bunnies some carrots. LATER! X)**
3. Deals with an Old Friend
**How are my little minions? I'm sorry that the last chap was so crap. Thanks to everyone that has been reviewing me. Please feed the plot bunny. **
**I don't own Full Metal Alchemist or Harry Potter.**
**Chapter 3: Meeting the Trio**
**Ed's P.O.V.**
I walked into the castle known as Hogwarts as soon as I arrived. The castle walls where dull and cool. I ran my palm along the wall as I made my way to the Transfiguration quarters. I don't really know if Al is still there or what but it's worth a try.
As I walked I remembered all my old escapades down the halls. Near the second floor girls bathroom I turned a whole wall black; they must have hung that ugly tapestry to hide the wall. There was also that time in the potions room when I made a snotty Ravenclaw's potion cover him, he was a statue for a week before they managed to get him free, and all he was worrying about was all the classes he had missed. Happy days.
I had reached the transfiguration department now. They probably still have the desk I was working at; then again they most likely chucked it out due to the many holes that I blasted in it through the years.
A door was suddenly opened by an aged woman in green robes. She had grey hair tied in a bun and had a pair of glasses perched firmly on her nose. Her look was one of surprise as she spotted me a few doors down.
"Little boy, what are you doing here, term doesn't start for a few days yet. How did you get here anyway? What's your name?" She asked. A small twitch started in my forehead when I heard that taboo word.
"My name is Edward Elric. I came to see a Professor Albus Dumbledore." I said slowly and evenly, trying to keep my anger under control. If one thing hadn't changed over my years alive, it was my temper.
"Well our Headmaster is up in his office if you wish to see him. I am Professor McGonagall, the transfiguration teacher." I was thrown into shock at what she had said. Last I knew, Al was a transfiguration teacher and now it was Headmaster. I really should read more newspapers.
The woman led me down the corridor, not knowing how good my knowledge of the school was. We reached the ugly stone gargoyle that guarded the headmaster's office. On our trip, I was thinking of passwords that Al could have set. He always had a taste for sweets so it was probably that. Something like jumping jellies or lucky lollies. Then again he seemed to be obsessed with sherbet lemons.
"Sherbet Lemon". Yep, obsessed.
The gargoyle jumped to the side, revealing a winding staircase that spiralled up the tower. I stepped on and it started to ascend towards a big, wooden, door. Once we reached the said door that I had been sent too when I attended school, the woman knocked and entered, ushering me inside.
The room itself was circular, stone walls rising up until they reached the roof. There was an assembly of odd silver instruments on the table in the middle of the room, each whirring or puffing smoke that did Truth knows what. It has changed a lot since Professor Dippet's time as headmaster but the portraits hung just the same with his now added.
"Hello Edward!" was shouted from Dippet and I waved. He was always goodhearted and wasn't bothered by my height. He was among the few people that I truly respected. A good man.
"How are you dip stick?" I called out, shocking the woman behind me quite a bit (Shoot. Forgot her name already. Oh well, Al will help me with that one.). "See you got yourself a portrait, miss me already?" I joked.
"Well Edward, I had hoped you had forgotten that name but what can I expect when you always do the impossible. I see you are still alive and well, Albus will certainly be pleased." As if on cue, Al stepped down the stairs and started laughing. He had grown a lot older over the years and I felt the sadness of how yet another friend would leave my side and journey through the Gate of Truth. He now had a long, flowing beard that was tucked into the belt of his deep purple robes. He had a bent nose from an improperly healed break and has a pair of shiny gold glasses perched on top. His eyes still held that curious glint though so I was reassured it was him.
"Why Ed, I never knew you would come back here on your own. What brought you here so suddenly?" He asked. I loved how he just took things in his stride like that. Though I still looked the same as when I fought Father, he didn't looked as shocked as I had thought. He was cool that way, no matter what he always stayed calm and waited for an explanation instead of demanding for one.
"Yep, still the same Al that I remember. Well done on the promotion by the way. I knew you would be great in life since the day I met you." I said. I wanted to avoid saying something I shouldn't to him in front of some teacher that didn't know my secret. I didn't even know if she wasn't a spy.
"You're avoiding my question Ed, why are you here?" Al repeated sternly. He has to relax, I'm just joking.
"I get it already. We haven't seen each other for a while. I thought we could catch up. I haven't been reading newspapers due to the utter crap that's in them, so I just heard that Nicky died. Plus I heard that you have the Boy-Who-Lived learning magic here. Usual stuff." I replied while sighing. The woman behind me finally worked up the courage to speak.
"Albus, may I ask who this boy is and how he is so familiar with you? You seem to have known him for a while when he looks about the age of one of our first years." The woman asked curiosity filled her voice.
Al laughed before replying. "Ah Minerva, this is Edward Elric, an alchemist that I brought to Hogwarts and became great friends with. He helped Nickolas and I create the Sorcerer's Stone."
The woman called Minerva looked shocked. "Albus how could you know this boy if he is no older than a first year! And you say he helped with the Stone and that he is an alchemist when alchemy is a dead magic. I do not see how any of this is possible."
"May I interrupt madam?" I said and cleared my voice. "WHO YOU CALLING SO SHORT THAT HE COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR AN ACTION FIGURE! I'M 167 GOD DAMMIT!" I couldn't have held that in for much longer with the amount of times she had insulted me. She should respect her elders for truth's sake.
Al's voice cut in suddenly. "Minerva I will explain later but for now we have some catching up to do." This caught the woman's attention and she swiftly left. I couldn't say I wasn't glad she had left.
For the rest of the visit we told each other stories about our adventures over the years. Then Al asked something that caught my interest.
"Edward, would you like to be a co-teacher in Defence Against the Dark Arts?" Shock must have been covering my face by the way Al was laughing at me. I wonder if he just wants extra protection for Harry Potter.
"I don't see any problem in that. I'll help you in your teaching." A grin spread across my face as I thought of all the fun I could have harassing pupils.
"Great, then I'll see you when term starts." Al said, enthusiasm crossing his features. With that I left the castle and headed home to think over what I wanted to do in the lessons.
**Yo!~ I hope you enjoyed my chapter. I'm soooooooooooooooooo sorry it took so long but I had a lot of schoolwork and tests. I may not post for a little while so don't hound me.**
**Can anyone think of a name for my army because minions sounds cliché. **
**Also I'm sending out a challenge! Can some of you create a Hetalia Axis Powers/Fullmetal alchemist crossover please? One where Ed becomes a nation. Lol**
**LATER~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^J^**
4. Meeting the Trio
**Sup. I thought I should answer some questions about this story a few of you have been asking.**
**I know the last chapter was called meeting the trio but it was posted before I realised. Also the thing with Flamel. Let's say he gained the SORCERERS stone when he was 94 so he is now 144. The reason the last chapter took so long was because it kept shutting down. Stupid computer.**
**I do not own Harry Potter or Full metal Alchemist.**
**Meeting the Trio (the real chapter)**
Ed's P.O.V.
As I walked through the shady streets that where Knockturn Alley, I spotted a young boy about 12 or 13 exiting Borgin & Burkes. I followed his journey as he was obviously trying to find somewhere familiar. It was a bit strange seeing a boy down here where the creatures of the dark stayed.
An old hag came up behind him carrying a tray of fingernails that where probably taken unwillingly.
"Not lost now are we dearie?" asked the hag, startling the boy which was a bad move. This showed that he wasn't from here and probably from a good family.
"No I'm fine thank you." The boy answered, visibly shaking from fear. The old hag was closing in on him. My instincts kicked in and I knocked the tray out of the hags trembling hands. She coiled away and gave a blood curling shriek.
"Run." I whispered to the boy as I grabbed his arm and dragged him to the stairs that lead to Diagon Alley. I dodged round obstacles and could hear the boy behind me. We reached the exit and where instantly blinded by the harsh sunlight.
I turned around and faced the boy I had saved. He was panting from exhaustion and the sweat was pouring down his face. It shows how unfit wizards really are. When he had finally caught his breath I could get a clear glimpse of him. He had messy black hair, some broken glasses and a lightning shaped scar could be seen a little. This must be the Potter boy that the other dragon keepers where talking about.
"My names Harry Potter, what's yours?" He asked. At least he has manners UNLIKE a certain colonel bastard.
"Names Edward Elric. What where you down there for? You need to know how to blend when going." He seems a good kid. At least he doesn't boast about his fame all the time. That can get you killed.
"Oh I was taking the Floo Network for the first time and I guess I didn't say it clearly enough." He replied. Harry was blushing from embarrassment but I just patted his arm.
"Don't worry! Everyone makes mistakes. I did that once and ended up in some care home and probably made a few of the occupants die when their hearts gave out. That was classic." I laughed as I recalled the memory. I could also hear Harry laughing quietly beside me.
We started to walk and search for the Weasly's after Harry had told me and started swapping stories. Suddenly a bushy haired teen about Harry's age came and hugged him. She was fretting over him and managed to fix his glasses pretty nicely. She turned to me and asked, "Who are you? I've never seen you around before."
She seems to be very bright for her age. This must be Hermione Granger. "Ah sorry. I'm Edward Elric but everyone calls me Ed. Am I right to say you are Hermione Granger? It's nice to meet one of Harry's friends."
She looked shocked then replied, "Yes that's me. Now Harry and I have to go to Flourish and Blotts, but you're welcome to come along. There's a book signing of the books that we need for Hogwarts this year and he just seems to know so much." One could clearly see the stars in her eyes.
So we started to go to the shop and when I arrived I could clearly see that it was queued out of the door. We shoved our way inside and made our way across to a family of red heads. These must be the Weasly's. They were fussing over Harry and thanking me for helping him.
Mrs Weasly seemed to be the mothering type because she was fussing over all the children, even the ones that clearly weren't hers.
Everyone fell silent when a flashy looking man came on stage. He was clearly a poser and wanted fame on an unhealthy level. I decidedly tuned him out, especially when he dragged Harry up when he clearly didn't want to. Then an interesting piece of information caught me.
"And ladies and gentlemen, for this year, I will be teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts!" I groaned. Not only was I teaching, but alongside a complete fake. I wonder if the Philosophers Stone will kill me to spare itself hearing the constant boasting that will torture me for the whole year.
Once it was all over I started to make my way out of the shop. I was nearly out when I heard two men shouting. I turned round to see it was Mr Weasly and someone who looked like a stuck up grandpa. I quickly grabbed both of them and pulled them apart. Afterwards the man left with a teen with light blond hair and I was thanked by the shopkeeper.
"Watch yourself Mr Weasly, if you get in fights like that then you will be brought down to their level and beaten by experience." I told the ageing man and walked towards the door.
"Oh and Mr Shopkeeper." I called out. "The Invisible Books of Invisibility are on the top of that shelf." I pointed at the shelf in question and left.
Now I just have to think over what I want to teach and how to annoy a certain 'poser'.
**Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it took so long but I had band and tests. DAM YOU NEW CURRICULUM! Please give me any ideas and suggestions on how to annoy Lockheart. Love you guys.**
**_/\_/\BPM/\_/\_**
5. Hiatus and Challenge
I'm back. Sorry for the wait. I just want to say that I'm taking a hiatus from the story. I have absolute no inspiration so if you can leave any ideas then I will give you a mention in the next chapter. SORRY! I will be writing a few different stories while I gain ideas so keep an eye out.
CHALLENGE TIME!
I want you guys to come up with a story from any of these ideas. You **must** tell me either through PM or review if you take a challenge.
1
Dark Knight Rises Batman/Harry Potter
Harry is sent to Arkham Asylum and while there he meets the Joker. They team together to blow up Gotham and destroy the all those who get in their way.
For reference see: Ace of Spades
2
Harry Potter/Hetalia Axis Powers
Scotland and/or England go to Hogwarts to teach *insert subject like history of magic*. They must keep their secret hidden from the new DADA teacher and the Golden Trio.
3
Pirates of the Caribbean/Hetalia Axis Powers
While sailing on the seas Captain Jack hears the tale of a mysterious Captain that is the most feared creature on all the sea. What happens when he meets the mysterious Captain Arthur Kirkland.
I hope you come up with a great story and I sincearly apologise for this.
End file.
| fanfiction |
it is well known that some nonlinear dynamical systems can exhibit a period - doubling bifurcation ( see , e.g. * ? ? ? * ) . for parameter values below the bifurcation point ,
the system is oscillating periodically at frequency @xmath0 and may also have spectral peaks at the harmonics of this frequency . in passing the bifurcation point , a small peak at @xmath1 emerges and grows in size .
the oscillations exhibited by the system alternate between two slightly different paths in the phase space , so that the period has suddenly become twice as long as it was originally .
typically this is observed in the successive maxima of the oscillation which alternate between two slightly different levels .
odd harmonics of @xmath1 typically appear in the spectrum as well .
we will refer to these as half - integer frequencies .
often additional period - doublings occur as the parameter is further advanced resulting in the appearance of @xmath2 , @xmath3 , etc .
this cascade typically goes all the way to @xmath4 over a finite change of the parameter and beyond this point the dynamics do not repeat and the system is called chaotic " . @xcite first reported seeing alternating maxima in the light curves of some blazhko stars and @xcite demonstrated period - doubling in a hydrocode model of rr lyr .
since then it has been generally accepted that the observed alternation effect was indeed caused by a period - doubling bifurcation ( see , e.g. , * ? ? ?
? * ; * ? ? ?
* ; * ? ? ?
* ; * ? ? ?
? * ; * ? ? ?
* ; * ? ? ?
* ) . in this paper
we show the serious problems with this claim , and present strong evidence to support an alternate explanation , namely that the alternation is caused by the presence of one or more excited modes whose frequencies are close to 3/2 times the fundamental frequency and ( in most cases at least ) are not in resonance with the fundamental mode .
the largest of these peaks have frequencies that can be accurately determined and can be observed over the entire _ kepler _ data set of about four years .
other studies have noticed that these peaks are off resonance , but a seemingly plausible explanation has been offered ( * ? ? ?
* section 3.2 ) and as a result the idea persists that presence of these near - resonant peaks indicates that a period - doubling bifurcation has occurred .
this belief is strengthened by the fact that actual period - doubling has been observed in hydrocode models @xcite , and it is assumed that therefore the same must be occurring in actual rr lyrae stars . but as is shown below , these hydrocode results deviate quite substantially from the results obtained from actual stellar data and thus they do not prove that period - doubling is occurring in the real stars .
the argument by @xcite is that the half - integer frequencies appear to be off - resonance because they are effectively modulated , periodically and/or randomly , and that this produces a cluster of side - peaks in the spectrum .
it does not explain however , how the central peak can be shifted to one side of the exact half - integer frequency . even for a completely random modulation
the result should be a cluster of peaks that is centered on the base frequency .
this is in fact what happens in their simulation of the effect as seen in their figure 10 , where the cluster of peaks in part ( b ) does line up with the main peak in part ( a ) , and if the image is magnified it can be seen that the main peak in part ( a ) is in precise alignment with one of the peaks in part ( b ) , and therefore this peak is exactly on - resonance .
( of the two tallest peaks in the cluster , it is the one on the left . )
we will show that the dominant peak near @xmath5 in rr lyr is substantially off - resonance and persists over the entire kepler data set and is therefore not an artifact of some random or chaotic process .
we will also show that the observed half - integer oscillation is not phase locked to the fundamental but is constantly slipping in phase at the rate predicted by the offset of the peak location from exact resonance .
we also show that a similar off - resonance peak exists in the spectrum for v808 cyg , another star which is believed to exhibit a strong period - doubling effect @xcite .
this peak has side - peaks consistent with _
modulation at double the blazhko frequency_. one explanation for his strange doubling effect ( described in detail below ) is that this peak does in fact correspond to a nonresonant mode and that the side peaks result from interactions between this mode and the modes that generate the blazhko effect as described by the beating - modes model " @xcite .
it thus simultaneously presents evidence against period - doubling and evidence in favor of the beating - modes blazhko model ( since it would appear that other models can not provide an explanation for the doubled frequency ) .
the analysis introduces the concept of the environment " within which the modulated mode resides and which is generated by the larger amplitude blazhko modes .
we show that this concept is compatible with the amplitude equation formalism @xcite .
we note that the presence of a near - resonant mode in the beating - modes model is very similar to the currently proposed explanation for the maxima alternation , but aside from this similarity the two explanations are not linked , i.e. the validity of the current work does not depend on that of the blazhko explanation or vice - versa .
note that in the beating - modes model there can be nonlinear interactions between these two modes as long as these interactions do not cause phase - locking .
some nonlinear interactions will depend on the relative phase of the two modes , but since this is constantly changing , it will typically have a modulatory effect , going through one modulation cycle with the periodicity of the relative phase .
but this modulation is a secondary effect , the primary cause of the blazhko effect is the phase - slip itself . @xcite reproduced with good accuracy the blazhko effect of rr lyr without including any actual modulation .
one might assume then that such modulation effects are relatively small for rr lyr , but this is not necessarily the case for other blazhko stars .
in figure [ fig1 ] we show spectra for rr lyr .
spectra for rr lyr in the vicinity of @xmath5 computed from _
project kic 7198959 , long cadence corrected flux data using period04 software .
average ( or zero point ) flux for this data is about @xmath6 .
data was pre - whitened , removing the fundamental and its harmonics through tenth .
the upper curve is computed from quarters q5 , q6 and q7 ; it is offset by 12 units vertically for clarity .
the second curve uses q7 , q8 and q9 with offset 9 .
the third curve uses q11 , q12 and q13 with offset 6 .
the fourth curve uses q14 , q15 and q16 with offset 3 .
the fifth curve uses all available data : q1 through q17 with no offset .
note that q1 and q17 are partial quarters and q3 , q4 and q10 are not available .
the dashed vertical line marks the location of @xmath5 .
note that none of the five curves have a peak at this location , while they all have one at about 2.6645 which is clearly nonresonant . ] the first four curves from the top down were calculated for groups of three consecutive quarters of _ kepler _ data as indicated in the caption .
the bottom curve was calculated using all available kepler data , quarters 1 through 17 , and thus has much higher frequency resolution .
note the consistent pattern in this set of curves with a dominant peak at 2.6645 , henceforth called @xmath7 , while the expected location for resonance would be at 2.6464 ( marked with a dashed vertical line in the figure ) .
we propose that @xmath7 is the base frequency of a mode which we will refer to as mode a. the frequency difference being 0.0181 means that this oscillation will slip in phase by one half cycle about every 27.6 days .
this phase slip can be observed in the alternation pattern , since a half cycle slip will cause a switch from the even cycles being high to the odd cycles being high .
@xcite also found this frequency ( 0.018 ) in their spectral analysis of the alternation effect ( see their figure 3 ) .
we verify this phase slip effect in table [ tab1 ] , which shows a full correlation in the data for rr lyr between the high cycles being odd or even and the number of half cycle slips being odd or even .
.correlation between the phase slip of the near resonant mode and the phase of the maxima alternation pattern for rr lyr .
a single point is chosen near the middle of each low - high alternation sequence .
it is required to be the point of maximum flux in a
high " cycle . in some cases the sequence may include a few bad or non - alternating points provided the alternation continues with the proper phase .
the first point in the table has truncated barycentric julian date 54992.569 .
columns : time is the time in days relative to the first point ; len is the approximate length in cycles of the alternation sequence ; cyc is the cycle number , calculated by multiplying time by @xmath8 ( 1.76429291 ) ; par1 is the parity of cyc after rounding to the nearest integer ; slip is the phase slip in half cycles , calculated by multiplying time by twice the frequency offset of the near resonant mode ( @xmath9 ) and adding a correction of -0.3 ( chosen to make the best overall fit to the entire set ) ; par2 is the parity of slip after rounding to the nearest integer ; cor is the correlation of par1 and par2 , indicated as yes " if they match and no " if they do not . [
cols="<,<,<,<,<,<,<",options="header " , ] most , if not all , of the easily visible alternation sequences of length longer than 10 are included in the table .
note that this continuous phase slip means that there is no phase - locking between the fundamental and mode a and _ therefore there is no resonance and no period - doubling_. the fact that this effect can be followed through the entire 17 quarters of _ kepler _ data indicates that this is tied to something with a very stable frequency ( i.e. a non - resonant mode ) .
it ca nt be attributed to a random phase drift and it seems quite incompatible with period doubling .
note that the alternation amplitude goes to zero at the transition point between where the high cycles are even and where they are odd .
this happens again when they transition back to even , and so on .
the amplitude of mode a has not gone to zero at these points , but its relative phase is such that it is not visible as a maxima alternation . an interesting thing to note in figure [ fig1 ] is that the peak @xmath7 is diminishing in height over time .
the amplitude of the blazhko effect is also decreasing simultaneously .
this might be taken as evidence of a possible connection between them , but it could also be just a coincidence .
@xcite has shown that the blazhko effect may also be an artifact of a near - resonant nonradial mode .
so one simple explanation for the correlation could be that the excitation levels of all of these nonradial modes are decreasing for some reason .
for example , if the magnetic field of the star was slowly increasing in time , this might cause a slow increase in turbulence resulting in increased damping and/or decreased excitation of the modes and this would affect both the blazhko effect and the maxima alternation .
a similar magnetic mechanism was recently proposed by @xcite as part of an explanation of the blazhko effect .
one critique of this explanation @xcite claimed that the mechanism was too slow to explain the blazhko effect , but this would not disqualify it from explaining these long term fluctuations in the blazhko effect .
but whatever the reason , long term variations in the blazhko effect in rr lyr have been known for some time and remain unexplained ; see e.g. @xcite .
period doubling does not provide a definitive explanation for this mystery either .
the observed correlation between the diminishing of @xmath7 and the diminishing of the blazhko effect could be real or it could be a coincidence , there is insufficient information to decide based on data coming from just one star .
however , if it was real , it could explain why the maxima alternations have thus far only been found in blazhko stars .
the spectrum also shows additional peaks at frequencies that are mixing products of this peak with the fundamental and its harmonics , i.e. frequencies of the form @xmath10 where @xmath11 is an integer and @xmath8 is the fundamental frequency .
these peaks are all near , but not equal to , the half - integer frequencies that are expected for period - doubling .
the amplitudes of these peaks are determined , based on all available data , and the results compared in figure [ fig2 ] with the corresponding spectrum for period - doubling in a hydrocode model of rr lyr ( taken from m8 in figure 11 in * ? ? ?
comparison of the observed half - integer frequency peaks with those of a hydrocode model exhibiting period - doubling .
the solid curve with diamond data points is calculated from _ kepler _
data for rr lyr using all available quarters , q1 through q17 .
the vertical scale for this curve is on the left .
these peaks are off - resonance as discussed in the text .
the dashed curve with inverted triangle data points is replotted from the m8 curve in figure 11 in @xcite .
the vertical scale for this curve is on the right .
these peaks are exactly on - resonance .
note the great disparity between the two curves , the first having a strong maxima at 3/2 while the second has a strong maxima at 1/2 . ]
note that their spectrum has the dominant peak at @xmath12 rather than at @xmath5 .
the ratio of the peak heights ( the 3/2 peak height over the 1/2 peak height ) changes rather drastically between the two cases . this lack of agreement in the spectrum can be taken as fairly strong evidence that the model is not presenting a correct representation of the dynamics of the actual star . having the maximum half - integer peak near 3/2 in the observational spectrum is , of course , consistent with the source for this peak being an excited mode with that frequency .
the other half - integer peaks are then nonlinear mixing peaks , which would typically be expected to be smaller in amplitude than the one near 3/2 in agreement with observations
. other observational results also have the maximum at 3/2 rather than 1/2 ( * ? ? ?
* figure 8) .
the @xcite results also show an exact correlation between the blazhko phase of their model and the appearance and disappearance of the period - doubling , something that is entirely missing in the actual stellar data .
this is of course only relevant if we assume that the blazhko effect involves actual modulation as opposed to a beating - modes process @xcite . as was noted by @xcite ,
when observed on a short timescale the amplitudes of the half - integer frequency peaks appear to be modulated in an apparently random fashion ( see their figure 3 , bottom panel ) . here
are three possible reasons ( all of which could be acting simultaneously ) : 1 ) turbulence noise is interacting with mode a and causing these fluctuations . since this mode is only marginally unstable , it will be very sensitive and can effectively amplify this noise . @xcite
previously studied such stochastic excitation of stellar pulsations .
2 ) some of the nearby peaks in the spectrum may correspond to separate excited modes and add additional near - resonant frequencies into the system .
several of these added together could generate something that looks like a random modulation .
3 ) noise and measurement error of the _ kepler _ electronics could be affecting the results .
this modulation or apparent modulation of mode a also means that occasionally the observed maxima alternations are considerably larger than might be expected from its peak height in the spectrum .
but since the time series can _ always _ be reconstructed from the spectral information , these occasional large alternations must be reflected in the combination of the main peak with various associated side peaks and harmonics when these are all in phase .
an interesting question is why @xmath7 is so close in frequency to @xmath5 .
the usual mechanism for transferring energy from the fundamental mode to another mode only works when there is phase - locking between the modes and that is apparently not happening in this case .
but perhaps there is some other , as yet unknown , mechanism at work .
it is also possible that the proximity is merely an accident . in figure
[ fig1 ] , note the two smaller peaks to the left of the main peak .
there are more peaks further to the left ( off scale ) of a similar size and more densely packed together .
this suggests that there is a cluster of peaks that just happens to slightly overlap the resonance point .
other stars , most notably v445 lyr , appear to have lots of excited modes that are far from resonance ; see e.g. @xcite .
if a mode can be excited in arbitrary locations then near - resonant locations should also be possible .
spectra for v808 cyg in the vicinity of @xmath5 computed from _
project kic 4484128 , long cadence corrected flux data using period04 software .
average ( or zero point ) flux for this data is about @xmath13 .
data was pre - whitened , removing the fundamental and its harmonics through tenth .
the upper curve is computed from quarters q2 , q3 and q4 ; it is offset by 15 units vertically for clarity .
the second curve uses q7 , q8 and q9 with offset 10 .
the third curve uses q11 , q12 and q13 with offset 5 .
the fourth curve uses all available data : q1 through q17 with no offset .
note that q1 and q17 are partial quarters and q6 , q10 and q14 are not available .
the dashed vertical line marks the location of @xmath5 .
note that none of the five curves have a peak at this location , while they all have one at about 2.6983 which is clearly nonresonant .
see text for discussion of the split peak in the bottom curve . ]
the first three curves from the top down were calculated for groups of three consecutive quarters of _ kepler _ data as indicated in the caption .
the bottom curve was calculated using all available kepler data , and thus has much higher frequency resolution .
note the consistent pattern in this set of curves , with a dominant peak at 2.6983 , which we will again call @xmath7 , while the expected location for resonance would be at 2.7379 ( marked with a dashed vertical line in the figure ) .
this time the dominant peak is found on the opposite side of the resonance compared to figure [ fig1 ] .
an interesting feature of the bottom curve is that the @xmath7 has split into two peaks with frequencies of @xmath14 and @xmath15 .
one explanation would be that the noisy turbulent environment of the star is causing the amplitude to fluctuate in a way that happens to look like the sum of these two frequencies .
another explanation is that there really are two closely spaced modes that generate these peaks . in favor of the second explanation is the fact that the difference between the peak frequencies is 0.0022 and from this one can determine that the two modes slipped in phase by about 3.2 cycles over the time span of the full data set .
this seems like an excessive number of consistent cycles to be accidentally generated by a random process .
a second interesting feature is the fact that the pair of peaks appears to have pairs of side peaks .
a total of 8 side peaks ( four pairs ) are visible ( although one is barely visible above the noise ) .
the fact that it appears modulated is a strong indication that this peak ( or pair of peaks ) does correspond to an actual vibrational mode ( or pair of modes ) as opposed to the explanation that it is some kind of noisy period - doubling byproduct .
perhaps even more interesting is that the apparent modulation frequency , based on the side - peak spacing , is twice the blazhko frequency . by our measurements from the entire data
set , the blazhko frequency is about 0.01085 , so twice this is 0.02170 .
we measure the side - peak spacing to be about 0.02165 so this is a very accurate match .
we have an explanation for this doubled frequency in terms of the beating - modes model of the blazhko effect @xcite .
that model proposes that the apparent modulation of the fundamental is actually the beat frequency produced by simply adding the fundamental mode oscillation to that of a near - resonant ( presumably nonradial ) mode , whose frequency differs from the fundamental by the blazhko frequency . as we explain below
, the modulation of mode a observed in the current problem may be due to the type of nonlinear interaction that is not phase - dependent .
let us assume , to be specific , that the nonradial mode is a dipolar mode with axial symmetry , i.e. a mode with indices @xmath16 and @xmath17 ( see , e.g. * ? ? ?
* section 4 ) .
the dipolar character will cause the radial component of the oscillations in the northern hemisphere to be be 180 degrees out of phase with those in the southern hemisphere .
if , at one point in time , this oscillation has a particular phase relationship with the fundamental mode in the northern hemisphere , then one half of a blazhko period later it have the identical phase relationship with the fundamental mode in the southern hemisphere .
so for mode a , these two points in time present a spatially inverted but otherwise equivalent environment " for that mode to reside in .
thus if there is any variation in this environment then it must repeat every half blazhko cycle , i.e. it must oscillate at twice the blazhko frequency .
this type of oscillatory environment can have a modulatory effect on the frequency of mode a. this can be seen through the cross coupling
@xmath18 " terms that appear in the amplitude equations , see , e.g. equation ( 1 ) @xcite , equations ( 1a ) and ( 1b ) in @xcite and equations ( 70 ) and ( 71 ) in @xcite . in the equation for @xmath19
, this term has the form @xmath20 where @xmath18 is a complex coefficient and @xmath21 and @xmath22 are the complex amplitudes of modes a and b. the imaginary component of @xmath18 results in the frequency of mode a being shifted in proportion to the square of the amplitude of mode b , while the real component of @xmath18 results in a similar shift in the growth rate of mode a. note that this term , unlike some coupling terms , is a non - resonant term . by this
we mean that it does not depend on the relative phase of mode a and will not cause phase - locking between the modes .
this is in contrast , for example , to the c " terms appearing in equation ( 1 ) @xcite which can result in phase - locking between modes which might otherwise be slightly off resonance .
so the presence of the @xmath18 term in the equation for @xmath19 can be thought of as an effect of the environment " generated by mode b on the dynamics of mode a. extending this analysis to the current problem with three modes , we will let mode b be the fundamental mode , and let mode c be the mode that is near - resonant with the fundamental ( according to the beating - modes model ) , while mode a retains its definition from earlier in the paper . to represent a combined effect of modes b and c in generating an environment for mode a , we may add @xmath23 to the equation for @xmath19 , where @xmath24 and @xmath25 are complex coefficients .
unlike the @xmath18 terms , these generate an environment that is slowly varying and will therefore slowly change the frequency and/or amplitude of mode a. since the frequency difference between modes b and c is the blazhko frequency , the result will be to modulate mode a at that frequency .
if we assume that mode c is a dipolar mode , then one might expect , as a result of the environmental symmetry arguments given above , that the coefficients @xmath24 and @xmath25 for this case would be exactly zero
. however these arguments would not apply for axisymmetric modes with even symmetry about the equator , i.e. those with even degree @xmath26 and order @xmath17 .
so for those cases these terms could produce modulation of mode a at the blazhko frequency . for axisymmetric modes of odd degree @xmath26 ( including the dipolar modes ) the modulation frequency should be twice the blazhko frequency and the lowest order environmental terms that could produce this result would appear to be of the form @xmath27 + @xmath28 .
note that as the degree @xmath26 increases , this distinction between odd and even diminishes in importance and so the @xmath29 coefficients for even @xmath26 should tend toward zero .
also note that modes with nonzero order @xmath30 can not generate this type of oscillatory environment in conjunction with the fundamental unless they are excited in pairs with whose @xmath30 values add to zero . in this case there
would again be a symmetry that would only allow modulation at twice the blazhko frequency .
an interesting question is whether the symmetry properties of the dynamics are retained when the amplitude is large and therefore strongly nonlinear .
this may be indicated in the current case by the highly non - sinusoidal nature of the fundamental oscillation .
studies of simpler nonlinear systems have indicated that symmetrical quasiperiodic oscillations may be quite common ; see e.g. figure ( 2b ) in @xcite .
as discussed in @xcite another possibility is complementary asymmetric attractor pairs , though this would seem unlikely except when phase locking occurs ; see e.g. figure ( 3b ) in @xcite . | arxiv |
How many stereoisomers are possible for hepta-1,6-diene?
I am asked to identify the number of stereoisomers that are possible for hepta-1,6-diene $(\ce{H2C=CHCH2CH2CH2CH=CH2})$.
I drew the bond-line structure as follows, and I think that there can be *cis* and *trans* isomers, but my answer is wrong. The correct answer states that since neither of the double bonds exhibit stereoisomerism, this compound does not have any stereoisomers.
Originally, I thought that single bonds can be considered too. But I think I my error is that by looking at the single bonds, we are considering the constitutional isomers of this compound, rather than the stereoisomers (which are determined by the 'fixed' double bonds). Since double bonds lack the free rotation that single bonds have, for any compound that may exhibit stereoisomerism, we can only consider the double bonds. Also, are we considering only one double bond at a time?
Is this reasoning correct? Can someone clarify and expound more on this please?
**In the case of your original drawing with the terminal double bonds, there are no *E* or *Z* (*trans* or *cis*) isomers!**
*E* and *Z* isomers are only possible if both ends of the $\ce{C=C}$ double bond each carry a substituent other than a hydrogen atom.
---
As far as the other structure is concerned, *E* and *Z* isomers look as follows:
There are no stereoisomers (cis/trans) of this compound because both the double bonds have three identical substituents and one different substituent. In order to have stereoisomerism across a double bond you need to have two different groups on each side of the bond.
For example but-2-ene has one methyl group and one hydrogen on each side of the double bond and so has two stereoisomers: *trans*-but-2-ene and *cis*-but-2-ene:
For double bonds with at least three different substituents the [E/Z notation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/E-Z_notation) system is used. Z denotes substituents which are on the same side of a double bond and E denotes those on the opposite side. The four substituents are assigned a priority in accordance with the [Cahn-Ingold-Prelog priority rules](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cahn%E2%80%93Ingold%E2%80%93Prelog_priority_rules) and then the stereochemistry is assigned based on the relative position of the two highest priority substituents. In this example, bromine has a higher priority than chlorine so the label is assigned based on the position of the bromine and the chlorine across the double bond, making this the Z isomer.
There is no Cis/Trans isomerism across the double bonds because the molecule you have there is a terminal alkene which is an alkene with double bonds at the first 2 and last 2 carbons or just at the first 2 carbons if there are no higher priority groups or just at the last 2 carbons if there are higher priority groups closer to the end with all single bonds.
If you had other substituents you could have R and S stereoisomers and even combinations of R and S at different chiral carbons.
When you look at the differences in bonding than yes you are looking at structural or constitutional isomers.
But you can use cis/trans for multiple double bonds. For example oct-2,6-diene(or 2,6-octadiene) can be:
oct-(2 cis, 6 cis)-diene
oct-(2 cis, 6 trans)-diene
oct-(2 trans, 6 trans)-diene
or
oct-(2 trans, 6 cis)-diene
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Shiina Yasutane 椎名 康胤, died March 1576 was a Japanese daimyō of the Sengoku period, who was lord of the Shiina clan of Etchū Province. Throughout the 1550s and 1560s he led numerous attacks on the Jinbo clan, and in one of the few documented cases of two generals engaging personally in combat on the field, Yasutane fought with the head of the Jinbo clan, Jinbo Nagamoto, in 1554, at the battle of Imizu. During this particular clash, he was slashed across the jaw by Nagamoto, which left him with lifelong disfigurement. He is believed to have been assassinated in 1576 by Kojima Motoshige, on the orders of Uesugi Kenshin.
References
Abe, Yoshichiro Sengoku no Kassen Zenroku 戦国の合戦全録 Japan, 1973
Category:Daimyo
Category:1576 deaths
Category:Shiina clan
Category:Year of birth unknown | wikipedia |
launched in november 2004 , the _ swift _ gamma - ray burst explorer @xcite was designed to localize @xmath0-ray bursts ( grbs ) and undertake rapid and sustained x - ray and ultra - violet observations of the resulting afterglow . with over two hundred events now localized and studied , _ swift
_ has made fundamental contributions to both long - duration soft bursts ( lsbs ) and short - duration hard bursts ( shbs ) .
lsbs appear to trace cosmological massive - star formation rate with one event at a redshift of 6.3 .
shbs have been seen at typical redshifts of @xmath1 in both elliptical and star - forming galaxies .
there is now some circumstantial evidence for shbs being the result of coalescence of compact objects . at 20:52:26 ut on 2007 june 10 the burst alert telescope ( bat ; @xcite ) aboard _ swift _ triggered on grb070610 .
the high - energy prompt emission had a duration ( @xmath2 ) of 4.6s @xcite . over the range 15150kev the burst
could be fitted with a power law with photon index @xmath3 , resulting in a fluence of @xmath4 @xcite .
a blackbody model is inconsistent with this emission ( reduced @xmath51.7 ) .
the burst profile consisted of a single symmetric peak ( figure [ fig : batprofile ] ) .
fitting the profile @xcite , we calculate a rise time ( i.e. half width at half maximum ) of @xmath6s .
as can be seen from figure [ fig : t90-hr ] , the duration and the hardness ratio of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 are both consistent with the broader population of extragalactic long - duration grbs observed by _
the bat localized grb070610 to @xmath7 , @xmath8 ( j2000.0 ) and a 90%-containment radius of 1.8 .
as can be seen in figure [ fig : p60image ] the field is dense , which is not surprising given the galactic location ( @xmath9 and @xmath10 ) .
here we report the discovery of an unusual x - ray transient ( hereafter referred to as _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 ) in the error circle of grb070610 and followup optical , near - infrared ( nir ) and radio observations .
the x - ray telescope ( xrt ; @xcite ) began observing the field of grb070610 3.2ks after the initial bat trigger ( prompt slewing was disabled due to an earth limb constraint ) .
the xrt detected a single uncatalogued variable source in the bat error circle at @xmath11 , @xmath12 ( 90% confidence error circle of @xmath13 radius ; @xcite ) .
this position was further refined to @xmath14 , @xmath15 ( 90% confidence error circle of 1@xmath16radius nat / swift / xrt_pos.html ] ) .
the xrt continued to monitor _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 over the course of the next month until the source was no longer detected .
the xrt data were processed with ` xrtpipeline ( v0.10.6 ) ` .
all data were obtained in photon counting mode . in this mode the entire ccd is read and the time resolution is limited to 2.5s .
we extracted grade 012 events @xcite from a 15 pixel radius circular region centered on the source . to account for the background , we extracted events within a 40 pixel radius circular region in the vicinity of the transient but not encompassing any other source in the field .
we adaptively extracted the light curve binning the data in order to have 10 counts per bin .
the light curve was corrected for the extraction region losses and for ccd defects as well as for vignetting by using the task ` xrtlccorr ( v0.1.9 ) ` , which generates an orbit - by - orbit correction based on the instrument map .
the x - ray light curve of _ swift _ j195509.6
+ 261406 is shown in figure [ fig : xrt ] and compared to a small sample of long - duration grb afterglows in figure [ fig : xrtmoal ] . @xcite
were the first to suggest that this grb was likely to be of galactic origin .
clearly , _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 differs from typical grb x - ray afterglows in two fundamental respects .
first , it does not exhibit the strong ( overall ) secular decrease in flux over timescales of hours @xcite . while the decay index in long - duration grbs can vary markedly from one phase to another ,
j195509.6 + 261406 shows no significant decline until very late times ( @xmath17 s ) .
secondly , the xrt light curve of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 consists of spikes never seen before in any afterglow . in particular
we draw the attention of the reader to a dramatic flare at @xmath18s , jumping by a factor of @xmath19 in flux over a time scale of @xmath20 ( see figure [ fig : xrt ] , inset ) . none of the sixty nine xrt flares described in @xcite exhibit a comparable amplitude spike at late time .
while a strong x - ray flare has been seen in grb050502b @xcite ( see figure [ fig : xrtmoal ] ) the fractional duration , @xmath21 is much larger ( @xmath1 ) .
less significant variability is present throughout the duration of observations of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 .
we searched the xrt flare for pulsations .
521 photons were extracted withing 60of the source position and corrected to the solar system barycenter with the task ` barycorr ` . to search for pulsations we constructed the @xmath22 power spectrum to a maximum frequency of 0.2hz @xcite .
the largest observed value of @xmath22 was 25.2 at a frequency of 0.1446hz .
since @xmath23 is distributed as @xmath24 with @xmath25 degrees of freedom , this value corresponds to a single trial detection significance of 4.8@xmath26 in equivalent gaussian units .
given that we have performed 350 trials , the significance of this detection is 3.4@xmath26 , and thus we do not consider this result to be conclusive evidence of peroidicity . for spectral analysis the ancillary response files were generated with the task ` xrtmkarf ` .
we used the latest spectral redistribution matrices ( v009 ) .
data were extracted from single or consecutive orbits in order to have at least 100 counts per spectrum .
spectra were binned to a minimum of 15 counts per energy bin .
the resulting spectra were inconsistent with a blackbody ( reduced @xmath51.9 ) and consistent with a power law model ( task ` phabs ` ) .
the best fit column density ( @xmath27 ) and photon index ( @xmath28 ) for each epoch are summarized in table [ tab : xrtspectrum ] .
overall , we find that the inferred flux conversion is approximately 1 count s@xmath29erg @xmath30 s@xmath31 in the 0.310kev band .
we extrapolate the xrt flare spectrum to bat ( 1550 kev ) and predict a flux of 1.8 @xmath32 10@xmath33erg @xmath30s@xmath31 .
this corresponds to a bat count rate of 0.0032 counts s @xmath31 det@xmath31 .
this is consistent with a 2-@xmath26 upper limit from two 64s intervals of bat data straddling the xrt flare 0.0038 counts s @xmath31 det@xmath31 ( at 78499.8s ) and 0.012 counts s @xmath31 det@xmath31(at 78563.8s ) .
the inferred interstellar extinction along this low galactic latitude is quite high and thus uncertain : @xmath34 of @xmath35@xmath30 @xcite ; @xmath36@xmath30 @xcite ; and 1.56 - 1.89@xmath37@xmath30 @xcite .
the former two estimates are based on h i data whereas the latter on diffuse infrared emission .
given the uncertainty in the inferred @xmath27 the xrt spectrum can not be used to determine the distance to _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 .
llll 54261.907 & 4811 & @xmath38 & 1.43 @xmath39 0.37 + 54262.641 & 7912 & @xmath40 & 1.93 @xmath39 0.18 + 54263.268 , 54264.004 & 2947 , 10500 & @xmath41 & 1.11 @xmath39 0.22 + 54265.387 & 6026 & @xmath42 & 1.33 @xmath39 0.40 + flare & & @xmath43 & 1.74 @xmath39 0.48 + all but flare & & @xmath44 & 1.71 @xmath39 0.11 + [ tab : xrtspectrum ]
rapid observations in response to the bat trigger , in particular by the _ optima - burst _
team @xcite , revealed a rapidly variable ( time scales as low as tens of seconds ) optical transient inside the xrt error circle of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 .
astronomers using other facilities including the osn 1.5-m telescope @xcite , the 2-m schmidt telescope of the thringer landessternwarte @xcite , the 25-cm _ tarot _ facility @xcite , and the 40-cm _ watcher _ telescope @xcite confirmed the detection of this variable source .
detections and upper limits reported to the grb coordinates network ( gcn ) are shown in figure [ fig : fulllc ] . drawn by the excitement of these discoveries ,
we began monitoring the field of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 in the @xmath45 filter with the automated palomar 60-inch telescope ( p60 ; @xcite ) starting at 5:47 ut 2007 june 12 and continued over the next several nights . in addition , we imaged the field in @xmath46- , @xmath47- and @xmath48- bands with the _ low resolution imaging spectrograph _ ( lris ; @xcite ) mounted at the cassegrain focus of the keck i 10-m telescope .
all images were reduced using standard iraf routines .
the light curve obtained from our observations is also summarized in figure [ fig : fulllc ] .
the p60 and the keck photometry can be found in table [ tab : p60lc ] and table [ tab : kecklc ] respectively .
llllll jun 13.570 & lris & @xmath47 & 120 @xmath32 3 & @xmath49 + jun 15.517 & lris & @xmath47 & 200 @xmath32 3 & @xmath50 + jun 15.524 & lris & @xmath46 & 180 @xmath32 1 & @xmath51 + jun 15.527 & lris & @xmath46 & 180 @xmath32 1 & @xmath52 + jun 15.531 & lris & @xmath46 & 180 @xmath32 1 & @xmath53 + jun 15.534 & lris & @xmath46 & 180 @xmath32 1 & @xmath54 + jun 15.594 & lris & @xmath46 & 45 @xmath32 8 & @xmath55 + aug 13.336 & lris & @xmath46 & 300 @xmath32 4 & @xmath56 + sep 13.362 & lfc & @xmath45 & 360 @xmath32 26 & @xmath57 + [ tab : kecklc ] the p60 light curve is dominated by flickering and magnificent flares on the night of ut 2007 june 12 ( see figure [ fig : p60lc ] ) .
we observed over eleven flares with amplitudes greater than one magnitude in only three hours .
the brightest of these flares rose and dropped by more than 3.5 magnitudes within 6 minutes .
the amplitude of the flares is a lower limit because the p60 images are not deep enough to detect the quiescent counterpart ( see below ) .
the timescale is also an upper limit because it is entirely possible that variability is more rapid than our sampling rate ( @xmath58s ) .
if we define duty - cycle as the fraction of time for which the _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 was brighter than @xmath59 , then the duty cycle based on the first night of data is 18.6@xmath60 . given that there was no detection on subsequent ten nights , the duty cycle reduces to 5.8@xmath60 .
we see a dramatic flare in the _ lris _ data five days ( ut 2007 june 15 ) after the high - energy emission , even though the peak magnitude is much fainter . the brightest observed flare in @xmath46-band was 2 magnitudes in three minutes ( see figure [ fig : keckflare ] ) .
much like the behavior seen in x - rays ( [ sec : xrt ] ) , such dramatic optical variability at late times is unlike anything seen before from an extragalactic grb optical afterglow .
unfortunately none of our optical data directly overlap the xrt light curve , making a direct correlation between the two impossible .
two months after the burst , the optical counterpart faded in r - band to fainter than 26.0 and three months after the burst , faded in @xmath45-band to fainter than 24.5 ( see table [ tab : kecklc ] ) .
given the large line - of - sight extinction , we undertook late - time nir imaging at a variety of facilities to search for a quiescent counterpart to _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 .
the results of our campaign are summarized in table [ tab : nir ] . in detail , we observed the field of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 with the near infrared imager and spectrograph ( niri ; @xcite ) mounted on the 10-m gemini north telescope on two occasions . on 2007
june 19 we obtained @xmath61s images in the _
k_-band under exquisite seeing ( @xmath62 ) and photometric conditions .
the observations on ut 2007 july 15 suffered from poor seeing and clouds . on ut 2007 june 21 , starting 13:10 , we observed the transient with laser guide star adaptive optics ( lgs - ao ; @xcite ) on the keck ii telescope and the near - infrared camera 2 ( nirc2 ) .
a total of 17 images were obtained , each consisting of three 20s co - added integrations , in the @xmath63 filter using the wide - angle camera .
we also obtained further late - time observations on ut 2007 sep 21 and ut 2007 sep 30 .
finally , _
j- _ and _ _ h-__band images were obtained with the wide - field infrared camera ( wirc ; @xcite ) mounted on the palomar hale 200-inch ( p200 ) telescope . thirty four images each with integration time of 30 s were taken in each filter on the night of ut 21 june 2007 .
all but the lgs data were processed with standard iraf routines .
custom routines in _ python _ and _ idl _ ( written by jsb and lp ) were used for the lgs - ao reductions ; a custom distortion correction ( obtained by pbc ) was applied to the lgs - ao imaging .
we created an astrometric solution using our gemini / niri @xmath64-band image from the night of june 19 relative to about fifty point sources from the 2-@xmath65 m all - sky survey(2mass ; @xcite ) .
the resulting rms positional uncertainty was 0.125 in right ascension and 0.098 in declination .
this niri @xmath64-band image was then used to create a catalog of about one hundred point sources for astrometric matching with all other images .
the niri @xmath64-band image was chosen because of the excellent seeing conditions ( @xmath62 ) and the larger field of view in comparison to nirc2 .
typical rms positional uncertainties relative to the reference image were @xmath66 in each coordinate . using these astrometric solutions , we determine a position for the optical transient in the keck @xmath46-band flares of @xmath67 ( j2000.0 ) . despite the presence of two nearby objects ( @xmath68 and @xmath69 ) , our astrometric accuracy is sufficient to unambiguously identify th @xmath64-band counterpart to _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 ( @xmath70 in figure [ fig : nirimages ] ) . using the lgs - ao / nirc2 image
, we find that the location of this nir counterpart is @xmath71 , @xmath72 ( j2000.0 ) , with an uncertainty of 100mas in each direction . due to the crowded field
, psf - matched photometry was performed on all images using the iraf ` daophot ` package .
we summarize our nir observations in table [ tab : nir ] . for reference ,
the @xmath73 magnitudes of two extremely nearby objects @xmath68 and @xmath69 are provided in table [ tab : abphot ] .
our late - time data , over three and a half months after the burst , constrains the quiescent counterpart to be fainter than @xmath74 21.5 .
llll jun 19.549 & gemini - n / niri & @xmath64 & @xmath75 + jun 21.220 & keck ii / lgs - ao+nirc2 & @xmath63 & @xmath76 + jul 15.309 & gemini - n / niri & @xmath64 & @xmath77 + jun 21.352 & p200/wirc & @xmath78 & @xmath79 + jun 21.400 & p200/wirc & @xmath80 & @xmath77 + sep 21.632 & keck ii / lgs - ao+nirc2 & @xmath63 & @xmath81 + sep 30.264 & keck ii / lgs - ao+nirc2 & @xmath63 & @xmath82 + [ tab : nir ] lllll jun 15.594 & keck i / lris & @xmath46 & @xmath55 & @xmath55 + aug 13.336 & keck
i / lris & @xmath46 & @xmath56 & @xmath56 + jun 15.517 & keck i / lris & @xmath47 & @xmath83 & @xmath84 + jun 21.352 & p200/wirc & @xmath78 & @xmath79 & @xmath79 + jun 21.400 & p200/wirc & @xmath80 & @xmath77 & @xmath77 + jun 21.220 & keck ii / lgs & @xmath63 & @xmath85 & @xmath86 + [ tab : abphot ]
on 2007 june 15 we undertook very large array ( vla ) observations of _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 .
the observations were obtained in @xmath87mhz bands around 8.46ghz and lasted about an hour .
we observed 1956 + 283 ( a phase calibrator ) for 0.8 minutes and then switched to _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 for 4.8 minutes .
the sequence ended with a 6-minute observation of 0137 + 331 ( 3c48 ; flux calibrator ) .
data were analyzed using the astronomical image processing system ( aips ) software of national radio astronomy observatory ( nrao ) .
vla antennas n16 , w64 , e72 and w48 and baseline combinations evla antennas e16 w24 , n64 , w40 , e56 , w48 and n40 were flagged . in total
, flagging resulted in a loss of about 100 baselines .
owing to the vla being in the `` a '' configuration , we obtained excellent image resolution of @xmath88 .
however , _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 was not detected and we get an upper limit of @xmath89jy .
a query of the _ simbad _ database reveals no catalogued object within the bat localization .
the _ integral _ observatory conducts regular scans of the galactic plane and , in addition , performed several long pointed observations of the field around _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 . over the past four years
, this field has been observed with the ibis instrument to total 1.5 ms being within its fully - coded field - of - view ( fcfov , @xmath90 ) and up to 2.5 ms being within the partially coded field - of - view ( @xmath91 ) .
the efficiency of observations within the fcfov falls to zero at the field s edge .
the coverage of these 4 years by observations was non - uniform with the maximum exposure reached in the fall of 2006 ( for fcfov ) .
there is no reported source close to the transient s position in the recent ibis / isgri soft gamma - ray catalogs @xcite .
we have also reanalyzed the archival data of _ integral _ and failed to detect the source .
a 4-@xmath26 limit of 0.9 mcrab in the 1845 kev band ( or 0.8 mcrab in the 1760 kev band ) has been received ( flux of 1 mcrab corresponds to @xmath92 and @xmath93 erg @xmath30 s@xmath31 in these bands respectively for a source with crab - like spectrum ) .
there was also no source detected on a time scale of one individual pointing ( 2.03.6 ksec ) .
we derive a 4-@xmath26 limit of @xmath9420 mcrab .
spitzer observed the position of _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 during the galactic legacy infrared mid - plane survey extraordinaire ( glimpse ) on 2004 oct 31st .
conservative upper limits for a source at the @xmath64-band position are 280 , 350 , 1700 and 6350 @xmath65jy at 3.6 , 4.5 , 5.8 and 8.0@xmath65 m respectively .
the fluence , the hardness and the duration of grb070610 are not atypical of grbs .
however , _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 is an atypical afterglow in the x - ray band ( [ sec : xrt ] ) .
the optical counterpart is also atypical .
correcting for the total interstellar extinction along the line of sight , the apparent @xmath45-band magnitude of the optical transient is as bright as @xmath9413mag more than a day after the burst trigger there is no other optical extragalactic afterglow as bright at such late times .
the issue that faces us is quite simple : is grb070610 related to _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 ?
for extragalactic long - duration grbs that the _ swift_-xrt was able to observe within an hour of the burst trigger , the overwhelming majority have a detected x - ray afterglow .
we therefore consider it unlikely that grb070610 arises from a background ( i.e. extragalactic ) event .
the spatial and temporal coincidence of grb070610 and _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 suggest that these are strongly related .
if so , the event is of galactic origin . accepting this association we turn our attention to the fundamental parameters characterizing _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 .
the extinction estimate based on the full x - ray spectrum excluding the flare ( see table [ tab : xrtspectrum ] ) corresponds to @xmath95 = 1.01.5 mag ( based on optical spectral classification of nearby stars , we find @xmath96 1.1 ) . assuming @xmath97 , this corresponds to @xmath98 = 0.40.5 mag .
the infrared @xmath63-band magnitude of the nir counterpart _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 is no brighter than @xmath99 ( table [ tab : nir ] ) . from late - time optical observations , we also know that r @xmath100 26.0 ( table [ tab : kecklc ] ) . since the farthest distance for a star in the disk of our galaxy is 30 kpc , we get extinction - corrected absolute magnitude of [email protected] and [email protected] .
this clearly rules out the luminosity class of giants and supergiants @xcite .
this also constrains the spectral type to be cooler than g8 @xcite .
if we assume a distance of 10 kpc , we can further constrain it to a spectral type cooler than m3 .
we also note here that in the case of another black - hole binary , xte j1550 - 564 , @xcite find that the gravity is lower than the nominal gravity for dwarfs .
the prompt @xmath0-ray burst peak flux is @xmath103 , the peak x - ray flare flux is twice as faint and the mean flux over the first week is approximately a factor of @xmath104 fainter than the burst peak flux .
these translate to the following isotropic luminosities : @xmath105 , @xmath106 and @xmath107 .
the prompt gamma - rays can constrain the radius of the emission .
the bat burst duration of several seconds ( see figure 1 ) puts an upper limit on the size of the emitting region ( along the line of sight ) to be smaller than @xmath108 cm , where @xmath109 is the causal speed in units of the light speed ( i.e , the speed in which information , such as sound , travels ) .
since we expect @xmath110 in non - compact objects ( e.g. , main sequence stars ) the source of the prompt gamma - rays is a black hole , a neutron star or a white dwarf ( the sound crossing time of the latter is seconds ) . on the other hand ,
the non - thermal gamma - rays can be used to put a lower limit on the emission radius .
if the gamma - ray spectrum continues to high energy ( @xmath111 ) then pair production opacity starts playing a role . using the formulation of @xcite and assuming a non - relativistic source we find that the size of the emitting region has to be @xmath112 cm , where the approximated numerical factor(taken here as @xmath113 ) depends on the radiation spectrum and the geometry of the source @xcite .
this radius implies that if the engine of the burst is a neutron star or a black hole then the observed gamma - rays are produced far from the engine by ( possibly relativistic ) ejecta .
with a compact object ( [ sec : energetics ] ) and a fainter than k - dwarf companion , _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 is likely a binary system .
we now turn our attention to investigate the mechanism powering the unusual emission , with an emphasis on identifying analogous systems in our galaxy . at first blush , soft @xmath0-ray repeater ( sgr )
flares appear to be a viable model for _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 .
sgr exhibits hard x - ray flares with durations ranging from 0.1s to 10s and isotropic luminosities of @xmath114erg @xcite .
furthermore , variable x - ray afterglows have been detected after several sgr outbursts ( see e.g. @xcite ) .
however , this interpretation has several problems .
first , sgr flares lasting longer than 1s , dubbed `` intermediate '' sgr flares , have an energy release @xmath115erg , two orders of magnitude larger than our upper limit for _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 @xcite .
second , pulsations are typically observed in sgr flare x - ray afterglows at the neutron star spin rate .
we see no evidence for pulsations from _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 ( though constrained by the 2.5s sampling interval ) .
finally , no known sgr has a companion . if _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 were caused by an sgr flare , a cooler than k - dwarf companion would make _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 the first binary magnetar .
unlike sgr flares , the remaining possibilities are ultimately powered by accretion instead of magnetic activity ( @xcite provide a comprehensive review of such transients in the hard x - ray sky ) .
cygnus x-1 , a black hole binary with a supergiant companion , exhibits hard x - ray outbursts ( @xcite ; @xcite ) .
the _ integral _ mission has identified a class of bright hard x - ray transients , the so - called supergiant fast x - ray transients ( sfxt ; @xcite ) .
however , these events are relatively soft , and have timescales of @xmath116s or longer .
furthermore , the super - giant donor is an essential part of the sfxt story the x - ray flares arise from accretion of `` blobs '' in the wind of the supergiant star .
the faintness of the quiescent counterpart convincingly rules out the giant and supergiant scenarios .
the high peak luminosity strongly suggests an event like cicam ( see @xcite ) .
however , this too is a questionable analog for the reasons of the lack of a bright optical / nir counterpart and also the short flare duration . for the same reasons , the analogy to a0538@xmath11766 ( the well known be - pulsar x - ray binary in the lmc )
can also be ruled out .
the bursting pulsar groj1744@xmath11728 shares some properties with those from grb070610 . from 19951997 ,
thousands of bursts were detected by _
batse _ out to @xmath118kev @xcite .
the spectrum of the bursts in _ batse _ and _ rxte _ was adequately modeled by a thermal bremsstrahlung model having @xmath119kev ; burst durations were approximately 10s .
groj1744@xmath11728 consists of a neutron star in an 11.8d orbit with a low mass companion @xcite .
however , unlike _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 , there is no evidence for a highly variable optical emission associated with these bursts .
also the high - energy bursts from groj1744@xmath11728 are highly repetitive
. searches for other episodes of emission from grb070610 did not yield any obvious candidates either in the bat data or in the extensive _ integral _ survey ( [ sec : archival ] ) and the interplanetary network ( [ sec : implications ] ) . the best analog to the x - ray and optical emission from _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 is v4641 sgr @xcite a transient which has been recognized by several authors as being one of the fastest transients in the hard x - ray @xcite .
v4641 sgr came to the attention of astronomers through a major outburst in 1999 ( see @xcite ) .
we now infer that this object is a binary consisting of a b9 iii star orbiting a 9@xmath120 black hole @xcite .
the system exhibited strong and fast x - ray and optical variability similar to what we see in _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 .
rapid ( @xmath121 100s ) and intense ( modulation index , @xmath122 ; here @xmath123 is the x - ray flux and @xmath124 is the variability in @xmath123 ) but with mean x - ray luminosity @xmath125 that is well below eddington flux mark v4641 sgr from the other black hole binaries @xcite .
the classical black hole lmxbs such as a0620@xmath11700 exhibit x - ray novae with peak super - eddington flux and a decline over a month ( see reviews by @xcite ) .
micro - quasars such as grs 1915 + 10 exhibit intense variations ( with @xmath126 approaching ten ) but only when @xmath127 is extremely high , @xmath128erg s@xmath31 ( e.g. @xcite ) .
the first difference between _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 and v4641 sgr is the donor star : _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 has a cool dwarf donor , while v4641 sgr has a b9 giant donor .
we suggest that the distinctive variability of v4641 sgr arises from the black hole companion and has less to do with the nature of the donor star .
this conjecture would allow us to infer that the compact object in _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 is also a black hole . while v4641 sgr seems to be the closest event we have to _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 , it is clear that no perfect analog to _ swift
_ j195509.6 + 261406 exists .
in particular , there has been no report of a burst of gamma - rays from v4641 sgr .
however , the absence could be due to the short duration duty cycle of the gamma - ray bursts . with two similar objects in hand
sgr and grb070610we now have the luxury of defining a new class of transients : fast x - ray novae which , in addition to the rapid x - ray and optical variability but at sub - eddington luminosities , are also ( apparently ) marked by grb - like bursts . what differentiates fast x - ray novae from the regular x - ray novae ?
regular x - ray novae are essentially black hole binaries undergoing the equivalent of dwarf novae i.e. instabilities in the disk . during the major burst of 1999 , v4641 sgr exhibited radio emission and relativistic motion @xcite .
the radio flux of v4641 sgr declined very steeply initially ; from 360 mjy at 8.3 ghz to 30 mjy at 8.46 ghz in one day @xcite . according to @xcite ,
the distance to v4641 sgr is 7.412.3 kpc and the apparent expansion velocity is @xmath129 ( assuming the lowest proper motion estimate from @xcite ) making v4641 sgr the most relativistic of galactic sources .
this suggests that perhaps the key difference between fast x - ray novae and the regular x - ray novae is the speed at which the ejecta is emitted .
unfortunately , neither was grb070610 as bright as v4641 sgr in the optical and x - ray immediately after the flare nor were our radio observations undertaken promptly after the detection of grb 070610 to verify this hypothesis .
spurred by the connection between _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 with a galactic transient we investigated whether this source or its analog v4641 sgr emitted bursts of gamma - rays in the past .
we have constructed a list of 1211 grbs detected by the ipn @xcite , whose position is constrained by at least one annulus with semi - width smaller than @xmath130 deg .
this catalog contains events observed from 1990 november 12 , to 2005 october 31 ( see ofek 2007 for more details ) .
we did not find any ipn grb that coincides with either of these positions .
we also searched for _ swift_-bat sub - threshold events which are consistent with the positions of v4641 sgr and _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 .
there is no bat sub - threshold event within 5 from the location of v4641 sgr .
but , we find an event at a signal - to - noise ratio ( snr ) of 5.0 located at ra=298.77@xmath131 , dec=+26.221@xmath131 ( 1.8 from the position of grb070610 ) and occurring on ut 2006 nov 17.7812 .
however , adjusted for the approximate number of times this field has been observed , the significance drops below 2-@xmath26 .
we consider it likely this sub - threshold event is nothing more than a statistical fluctuation .
v4641 sgr has been undergoing major bursts approximately every two years ( see @xcite ) .
the absence of a detection of a gamma - ray burst could simply be due to lack of coverage or that not all such bursting activity are preceded by a burst of gamma - rays . nonetheless , it is reasonable to speculate that a burst similar to _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 occurs in our galaxy , say , every decade .
this alone immediately makes _ swift _ j195509.6 + 261406 and related events as the most common of long - duration gamma - ray bursts .
( the mean time between cosmological grbs in our galaxy is no smaller than @xmath132yr ) .
several hundred years ago , optical astronomers put all new apparitions of stars as _ novae stella .
_ over the past century astronomers have shown that _ novae stella _ split into three distinctly different phenomena : novae , supernovae of type ia and core collapse supernovae .
the novae , in turn , are divided into five families which arise from instabilities in the accretion disk feeding a white dwarf , neutron star or a black hole and on the surfaces of white dwarfs and neutron stars .
history is repeating itself .
only thirty years ago , astronomers referred to all bursts of gamma - ray radiation as grbs . over the last decade
astronomers have established shbs and lsbs to be of cosmological origin @xcite and reasonably established their origin : coalescence of compact objects and deaths of massive stars respectively .
however , fissures are already developing .
recently , hypergiant flares from magnetars in our own galaxy and nearby galaxies have been found to contaminate the shb sample .
the galactic rate of the hypergiant flares is likely @xmath133yr@xmath31
@xcite much larger than the estimated galactic shb rate of @xmath134yr@xmath31 ( @xcite ; @xcite ) .
our galaxy has at least two fast x - ray novae systems ( v4641 sgr and _ swift _
j195509.6 + 261406 ) .
the rate of grb 070610-like events ( with no assumption about beaming ) is likely to be about @xmath135yr@xmath31 which is five orders of magnitude larger than the estimated cosmological grbs rate .
however , these events are yet unobservable outside our galaxy with the current limitation in sensitivity of high energy detectors . as usual
the meekest events dominate the demography .
we thank m. van kerkwijk for help with keck observations and discussions .
we thank j. cohen , j. simon , a. kraus , m. muno , e. s. phinney and r. narayan for valuable discussions .
we also acknowledge d. law , t. treu and p. marshall .
as always we are grateful to the selfless librarians and astronomers who maintain the _ simbad _ database . m. m. k. thanks the gordon and betty moore foundation for support with the george ellory hale fellowship .
s. b. c. and a. m. s. are supported by a nasa graduate student research fellowship .
jsb is a sloan research fellow and is partially supported by a hellman faculty award .
s. is supported by a jansky fellowship .
e. b. is supported by a hubble fellowship .
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llllll june 12.2416 & p60 & i & 32.92 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.1 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.2422 & p60 & i & 32.94 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2433 & p60 & i & 32.96 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2444 & p60 & i & 32.99 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2450 & p60 & i & 33.00 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.2456 & p60 & i & 33.02 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.2462 & p60 & i & 33.03 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.2467 & p60 & i & 33.05 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2473 & p60 & i & 33.06 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2479 & p60 & i & 33.07 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2484 & p60 & i & 33.09 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2484 & p60 & i & 33.09 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2490 & p60 & i & 33.10 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.9 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.2496 & p60 & i & 33.11 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.7 @xmath39 0.12 + june 12.2501 & p60 & i & 33.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2513 & p60 & i & 33.15 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2518 & p60 & i & 33.17 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.2518 & p60 & i & 33.17 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.2524 & p60 & i & 33.18 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2529 & p60 & i & 33.19 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2541 & p60 & i & 33.22 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2547 & p60 & i & 33.23 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2547 & p60 & i & 33.23 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2552 & p60 & i & 33.25 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.5 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.2558 & p60 & i & 33.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.2569 & p60 & i & 33.29 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2569 & p60 & i & 33.29 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2569 & p60 & i & 33.29 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2575 & p60 & i & 33.30 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.2 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.2581 & p60 & i & 33.32 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.2598 & p60 & i & 33.36 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2604 & p60 & i & 33.37 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2610 & p60 & i & 33.39 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2615 & p60 & i & 33.40 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.9 + june 12.2621 & p60 & i & 33.41 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.2626 & p60 & i & 33.43 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.2632 & p60 & i & 33.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2632 & p60 & i & 33.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.2638 & p60 & i & 33.45 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2644 & p60 & i & 33.47 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.2649 & p60 & i & 33.48 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2655 & p60 & i & 33.50 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.2666 & p60 & i & 33.52 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.2666 & p60 & i & 33.52 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2678 & p60 & i & 33.55 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.4 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.2678 & p60 & i & 33.55 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.2678 & p60 & i & 33.55 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.2689 & p60 & i & 33.58 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3132 & p60 & i & 34.64 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3225 & p60 & i & 34.86 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3230 & p60 & i & 34.88 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3236 & p60 & i & 34.89 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3242 & p60 & i & 34.90 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3247 & p60 & i & 34.92 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3253 & p60 & i & 34.93 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3253 & p60 & i & 34.93 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3259 & p60 & i & 34.94 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.1 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.3265 & p60 & i & 34.96 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.4 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.3270 & p60 & i & 34.97 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3288 & p60 & i & 35.01 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3293 & p60 & i & 35.03 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3299 & p60 & i & 35.04 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3305 & p60 & i & 35.05 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3311 & p60 & i & 35.07 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3316 & p60 & i & 35.08 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3322 & p60 & i & 35.10 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3328 & p60 & i & 35.11 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.3334 & p60 & i & 35.12 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.3339 & p60 & i & 35.14 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3339 & p60 & i & 35.14 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3345 & p60 & i & 35.15 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3351 & p60 & i & 35.17 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3357 & p60 & i & 35.18 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3363 & p60 & i & 35.19 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.3363 & p60 & i & 35.19 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3369 & p60 & i & 35.21 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3380 & p60 & i & 35.24 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3386 & p60 & i & 35.25 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17
+ june 12.3392 & p60 & i & 35.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3392 & p60 & i & 35.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3397 & p60 & i & 35.28 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.1 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.3403 & p60 & i & 35.29 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3409 & p60 & i & 35.30 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3420 & p60 & i & 35.33 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3420 & p60 & i & 35.33 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.3432 & p60 & i & 35.36 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3443 & p60 & i & 35.39 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3449 & p60 & i & 35.40 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3455 & p60 & i & 35.42 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3455 & p60 & i & 35.42 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3466 & p60 & i & 35.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3472 & p60 & i & 35.46 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3478 & p60 & i & 35.47 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3484 & p60 & i & 35.48 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3490 & p60 & i & 35.50 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3495 & p60 & i & 35.51 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3495 & p60 & i & 35.51 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3501 & p60 & i & 35.53 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3507 & p60 & i & 35.54 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3513 & p60 & i & 35.55 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.2 + june 12.3524 & p60 & i & 35.58 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3530 & p60 & i & 35.60 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3536 & p60 & i & 35.61 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3542 & p60 & i & 35.62 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3547 & p60 & i & 35.64 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3553 & p60 & i & 35.65 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3559 & p60 & i & 35.66 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3565 & p60 & i & 35.68 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3571 & p60 & i & 35.69 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3576 & p60 & i & 35.71 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3582 & p60 & i & 35.72 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.3 + june 12.3588 & p60 & i & 35.73 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3588 & p60 & i & 35.73 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3594 & p60 & i & 35.75 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3605 & p60 & i & 35.78 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3611 & p60 & i & 35.79 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3617 & p60 & i & 35.80 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3623 & p60 & i & 35.82 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3628 & p60 & i & 35.83 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.3628 & p60 & i & 35.83 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3635 & p60 & i & 35.85 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3641 & p60 & i & 35.86 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3646 & p60 & i & 35.87 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3652 & p60 & i & 35.89 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3658 & p60 & i & 35.90 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3670 & p60 & i & 35.93 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3670 & p60 & i & 35.93 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3676 & p60 & i & 35.95 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3682 & p60 & i & 35.96 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3694 & p60 & i & 35.99 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3700 & p60 & i & 36.00 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3705 & p60 & i & 36.02 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3711 & p60 & i & 36.03 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3717 & p60 & i & 36.04 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3717 & p60 & i & 36.04 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3729 & p60 & i & 36.07 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3735 & p60 & i & 36.09 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3740 & p60 & i & 36.10 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3746 & p60 & i & 36.11 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3752 & p60 & i & 36.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3752 & p60 & i & 36.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3764 & p60 & i & 36.16 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3776 & p60 & i & 36.18 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3782 & p60 & i & 36.20 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3782 & p60 & i & 36.20 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3787 & p60 & i & 36.21 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 16.7 @xmath39 0.12 + june 12.3793 & p60 & i & 36.23 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.2 @xmath39 0.12 + june 12.3799 & p60 & i & 36.24 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.0 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.3805 & p60 & i & 36.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3817 & p60 & i & 36.28 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3817 & p60 & i & 36.28 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3823 & p60 & i & 36.30 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3829 & p60 & i & 36.31 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3840 & p60 & i & 36.34 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3840 & p60 & i & 36.34 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3840 & p60 & i & 36.34 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3846 & p60 & i & 36.35 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.5 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.3852 & p60 & i & 36.37 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.3858 & p60 & i & 36.38 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.3869 & p60 & i & 36.41 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3875 & p60 & i & 36.42 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3881 & p60 & i & 36.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.3881 & p60 & i & 36.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3887 & p60 & i & 36.45 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 17.5 @xmath39 0.11 + june 12.3893 & p60 & i & 36.47 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.3 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.3899 & p60 & i & 36.48 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3917 & p60 & i & 36.52 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3923 & p60 & i & 36.54 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3923 & p60 & i & 36.54 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.3935 & p60 & i & 36.57 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3940 & p60 & i & 36.58 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3946 & p60 & i & 36.59 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3946 & p60 & i & 36.59 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3952 & p60 & i & 36.61 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.3958 & p60 & i & 36.62 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.3970 & p60 & i & 36.65 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3970 & p60 & i & 36.65 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3976 & p60 & i & 36.67 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.3982 & p60 & i & 36.68 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.3982 & p60 & i & 36.68 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.3988 & p60 & i & 36.69 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.7 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.3993 & p60 & i & 36.71 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.4005 & p60 & i & 36.74 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4011 & p60 & i & 36.75 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4017 & p60 & i & 36.76 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4029 & p60 & i & 36.79 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4035 & p60 & i & 36.81 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4041 & p60 & i & 36.82 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4041 & p60 & i & 36.82 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4047 & p60 & i & 36.84 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4052 & p60 & i & 36.85 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.4052 & p60 & i & 36.85 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.4058 & p60 & i & 36.86 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4064 & p60 & i & 36.88 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4070 & p60 & i & 36.89 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4076 & p60 & i & 36.91 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4082 & p60 & i & 36.92 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4088 & p60 & i & 36.93 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4094 & p60 & i & 36.95 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4118 & p60 & i & 37.01 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4124 & p60 & i & 37.02 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4130 & p60 & i & 37.03 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.7 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4136 & p60 & i & 37.05 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4136 & p60 & i & 37.05 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.7 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4142 & p60 & i & 37.06 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.6 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4153 & p60 & i & 37.09 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4159 & p60 & i & 37.11 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4165 & p60 & i & 37.12 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.6 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4165 & p60 & i & 37.12 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.7 @xmath39 0.21 + june 12.4171 & p60 & i & 37.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4171 & p60 & i & 37.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4177 & p60 & i & 37.15 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4183 & p60 & i & 37.16 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4195 & p60 & i & 37.19 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4195 & p60 & i & 37.19 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.6 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4201 & p60 & i & 37.21 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4207 & p60 & i & 37.22 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4219 & p60 & i & 37.25 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4219 & p60 & i & 37.25 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4225 & p60 & i & 37.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.3 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.4231 & p60 & i & 37.28 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4243 & p60 & i & 37.31 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4249 & p60 & i & 37.32 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.7 + june 12.4255 & p60 & i & 37.33 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4255 & p60 & i & 37.33 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.6 @xmath39 0.21 + june 12.4261 & p60 & i & 37.35 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4267 & p60 & i & 37.36 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4273 & p60 & i & 37.38 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4279 & p60 & i & 37.39 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4285 & p60 & i & 37.41 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4291 & p60 & i & 37.42 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4297 & p60 & i & 37.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.4303 & p60 & i & 37.45 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.4309 & p60 & i & 37.46 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4321 & p60 & i & 37.49 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4327 & p60 & i & 37.51 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.4327 & p60 & i & 37.51 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4333 & p60 & i & 37.52 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.4339 & p60 & i & 37.54 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.8 @xmath39 0.14 + june 12.4345 & p60 & i & 37.55 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.5 + june 12.4357 & p60 & i & 37.58 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4363 & p60 & i & 37.59 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.6 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4368 & p60 & i & 37.61 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.6 + june 12.4368 & p60 & i & 37.61 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.5 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4374 & p60 & i & 37.62 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 18.5 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.4540 & p60 & i & 38.02 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4552 & p60 & i & 38.05 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4557 & p60 & i & 38.06 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4563 & p60 & i & 38.08 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.19 + june 12.4563 & p60 & i & 38.08 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4570 & p60 & i & 38.09 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4576 & p60 & i & 38.10 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4582 & p60 & i & 38.12 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4588 & p60 & i & 38.13 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.4594 & p60 & i & 38.15 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.9 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4600 & p60 & i & 38.16 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.6 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4606 & p60 & i & 38.18 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.4618 & p60 & i & 38.21 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4624 & p60 & i & 38.22 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4630 & p60 & i & 38.24 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4636 & p60 & i & 38.25 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.4642 & p60 & i & 38.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.4642 & p60 & i & 38.26 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4648 & p60 & i & 38.28 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.4 @xmath39 0.20 + june 12.4654 & p60 & i & 38.29 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.0 @xmath39 0.13 + june 12.4660 & p60 & i & 38.31 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.4666 & p60 & i & 38.32 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 20.3 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4679 & p60 & i & 38.35 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4685 & p60 & i & 38.37 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4691 & p60 & i & 38.38 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.4691 & p60 & i & 38.38 & 30.0
@xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4703 & p60 & i & 38.41 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.4709 & p60 & i & 38.43 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4715 & p60 & i & 38.44 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.4 + june 12.4721 & p60 & i & 38.45 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4727 & p60 & i & 38.47 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4733 & p60 & i & 38.48 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.0 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4739 & p60 & i & 38.50 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.16 + june 12.4748 & p60 & i & 38.52 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4754 & p60 & i & 38.53 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4766 & p60 & i & 38.56 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4772 & p60 & i & 38.58 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.18 + june 12.4778 & p60 & i & 38.59 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4778 & p60 & i & 38.59 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 20.2 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4784 & p60 & i & 38.61 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 20.1 @xmath39 0.17 + june 12.4790 & p60 & i & 38.62 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4796 & p60 & i & 38.63 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.0 + june 12.4796 & p60 & i & 38.63 & 30.0 @xmath32 3 & @xmath10020.1 + june 12.4816 & p60 & i & 38.68 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10019.8 + june 12.4822 & p60 & i & 38.70 & 30.0 @xmath32 1 & 19.4 @xmath39 0.15 + june 12.4822 & p60 & i & 38.70 & 30.0 @xmath32 5 & 19.7 @xmath39 0.16 + june 13.2392 & p60 & i & 56.86 & 60.0 @xmath32 1 & @xmath10020.2 + june 13.2484 & p60 & i & 57.08 & 60.0 @xmath32 5 & @xmath10020.0 + june 14.4137 & p60 & i & 85.05 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.4 + june 15.2329 & p60 & i & 104.7 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.3 + june 16.4076 & p60 & i & 132.9 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.8 + june 17.2273 & p60 & i & 152.5 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.3 + june 18.3801 & p60 & i & 180.2 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.4 + june 19.3444 & p60 & i & 203.3 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.5 + june 20.3703 & p60 & i & 228.0 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.4 + june 20.3889 & p60 & i & 228.4 & 180 .
@xmath32 1 & @xmath10018.2 + [ tab : p60lc ] | arxiv |
Angular Simple Harmonic Motion - Axis passing through center of mass
The formula for angular SHM's Time period is $T=2π √(I/mgd)$
Here $Icm$ is the moment of inertia through the axis of rotation, and $d$ is the distance of center of mass from the axis of rotation.
What if the center of mass and Axis of rotation are the *same*? $d=0?$
Where did I go wrong?
The formula you have given is for the period of a [compound pendulum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pendulum#Compound_pendulum) with small oscillations.
As the axis of rotation (which is horizontal) gets closer to the centre of mass the restoring couple about the axis exerted by the weight of the pendulum decreases, and the period of the pendulum increases. If the axis of rotation passes through the centre of mass then the weight of the pendulum exerts no restoring couple about the axis and oscillations are no longer possible - in effect the period has become infinite.
| stackexchange/physics |
All My Children It has always been you
A Cake one shot because i love them so much.
-Will it bother you...if Tad and I were a real couple?
-With my brother? He paused an instant before continuing. I love my brother. I'll be happy for you.
-Ok,cool she says not really meaning it and trying her best to hide it.
-What i just said...it's a lie. In fact the thought of someone even touching you...
-Don't Jake. Please don't finish this sentence.
-Why not?
-Because if you do...if you do i'm not going to be able to trust myself around you anymore.
-You were the one who asked me Car...
-I know she interrupted him.I know and i'm sorry for letting us once again go there. God,she said angry at herself,why can't I just move on.
Jake turn to her not being able to answer her. Her eyes were closed and she seemed so confused,yet he never found her as beautiful as in this very moment. That's when the reality hits him. All those weeks he tried so hard to convince her that he had move on,that he never thought about her anymore. When it wasn't her that he has to convince it was Amanda or Tad. It's not that he didn't love Amanda it's just that he didn't love her as much as he loves Cara. "Love" present time he thought.
-I'm not being fair to you. Or to me. He said after a while.
-What do you mean?
-What i mean is that...I love you Cara.
-Jake please,there is no turning back if you continue.
-I know that Cara. Don't you think i want it to be simple he almost yelled causing her to jump a little.
>I want to love my family more,I want to be in love with my current wife instead of being hang up to my former one.I want to feel my heart skip a beat when i see Amanda,i want to feel my stomach do flips when i touch HER,i want to have butterflies when i kiss HER!But i don't,Cara. And you know why?Because the only one who can make me feel those things are you.<p>
By the end of Jake's confession Cara was trying so hard to fight her tears. All the words she has been dreaming to hear for god knows how many times were finally spoken. But were did they leave them now.
Jake looked away,he was so sure that he could bury those feelings but he couldn't. Not anymore. He was in love with Cara and now was the time to face it. Saying those words out loud made him feel relieved but he hated himself for what he was about to do to Amanda. She never did anything to him,but the truth was that he never loved her the way he loved Cara.
-So what now?I just pretend you never said anything to me. Because i have to tell you if that's what you are expecting for me i don't know if i can do it...
-Cara...
-Actually i know that i can't. I can't Jake...
-Cara...
-You can't say that you love me and just ask me to forget what i heard or what i felt at this can't mess you my fucking mind every time you want to,...
-Cara he yelled finally getting her attention.
-What? she yelled back but not saying anything else.
-I respect my wife enough to not cheat on her...again. At least physically. But as soon as the isolation is over i'm gonna tell Amanda everything...about us. And about me still being in love with you.
Cara's eyes softened as soon as she heard those words.
-You are?
He simply nodded and she immediately got out of the bed she was sitting on and step closer to him. She looked deep into his eyes and she knew he meant every word.A small smile came across her face and slowly she wrapped her arms around him. Letting go of all the anxiety they relaxed in each other arms just enjoying the contact.
-I love you.
-I love you too.
End file.
| fanfiction |
Dog cancer vaccine
A cancer vaccine being developed, in the Netherlands, has been found to be effective in treating multiple types of cancers in mice and dogs.
The Dutch researchers from the Cancer Center Amsterdam, the Veterinary Referral Centre Korte Akkeren, EARA member the University of Maastricht, Amsterdam UMC, and from the School of Pharmaceutical Science, Switzerland, have developed a vaccine, called Griffioen, named after Arjan Griffioen, professor of Experimental Oncology at Amsterdam UMC. Previous research showed that the blood that feeds cancer tumours has a protein called vimentin, which plays an important role in turning off the immune system. Now studies in laboratory mice and pet dogs suffering from cancer, published in Nature Communications, show that the vaccine can block the creation of vimentin inside the tumours and seems to be an effective therapy against the tumours as well. The researchers treated 35 dogs, suffering from bladder and bone cancer, with the vaccine - half of them survived to the end of the 400-day test period, and two of them fully recovered. Among the dog patients, was Rax a 10-year old dog, who had developed bone cancer. After treatment the tumours disappeared and the dog returned to normal health.
The dog's owner said: "Rax is still so strong and sprightly, we wanted to give him a chance. The most important consideration was whether he would still have quality of life after the operation. Looking back, we made the right choice; he is his old self again." The team hope that this research will contribute to a cancer vaccine that also works for humans.
This week, on Wednesday, 8 June, Amsterdam UMC will host a conference (1300-1700) Proefdier(vrij) onderzoek in Amsterdam UMC – Waar staan we nu? (Animal(free) research in Amsterdam UMC – Where are we now?).
Insights on 'cognitive maps' in rats
EU & research monkeys – article | slim_pajama |
there is a large gap between our ability to collect data and our ability to interpret it .
the challenge faced by today 's researchers is to develop effective ways to analyze the vast amount of data that has been and will continue to be collected . first released in 2001 , onto - tools
this is achieved by using a probabilistic functional analysis that bridges the gap between low - level , high - throughput gene expression data and high - level functional knowledge .
this analysis approach has become de facto standard in the second - stage analysis of microarray experiments ( 618 ) .
the onto - tools suite includes : ( i ) onto - express , which can be used to translate lists of differentially regulated genes into a better understanding of the underlying biological phenomena through the use of gene ontology ( go ) ; ( ii ) onto - design , which can be used to select the best set of genes to be included on a custom microarray designed for the study of a given biological phenomenon ; ( iii ) onto - compare , which can be used to analyze the functional bias of various focused commercial microarrays and select the one that is most appropriate for a given biological hypothesis ; ( iv ) onto - translate , which can be used to translate lists of genes from one reference system to another ( e.g. from genbank accession numbers to unigene cluster ids to affymetrix probe ids , etc . ) ; ( v ) onto - miner , which provides a unified access point and an application programming interface allowing queries for various information , such as the gene name , official symbol , reference accession number , coded protein , etc . ; and ( vi ) pathway - express , which helps the users find most interesting pathway(s ) involving their genes of interest .
previous publications have described in detail the motivation , implementation and validation of these tools ( 15 ) .
this paper describes a new tool added to the ensemble and discusses various other additions and enhancements made to the existing tools and the database .
in february 2005 , ncbi phased out its locuslink database and replaced it with the entrez gene database ( 19 ) .
all data previously stored in locuslink ( 20 ) have been migrated to the new gene database .
however , the structure of the new database and the format of the files used to export this data have changed .
previously , the onto - tools database used the locuslink gene as its backbone data structure to link the functional annotations imported from go ( 21,22 ) with the sequence data imported from dbest and unigene .
hence , the locuslink phase - out has had a dramatic impact on the schema of the onto - tools back - end annotation database , as well as on the tools themselves .
the onto - tools back - end database has been re - designed to use a new data structure based on the gene data model .
in addition , the database download and parser modules are also modified to download and parse the entrez gene database . over the past year , onto - tools ( ot ) database has been expanded dramatically .
now , the database contains various types of data from 13 new databases which include : swiss - prot ( 23 ) , trembl ( 24 ) , pir ( 25 ) , uniprot ( 26 ) , eukaryotic promoter database ( epd ) ( 27 ) , human genome nomenclature committee ( hgnc ) ( 28 ) , genpept , online mendelian inheritance in man ( omim ) ( 28 ) , protein data bank ( pdb ) ( 29 ) , iproclass ( 24 ) , homologene ( ) , refseq ( 20 ) and go ( 21,22 ) .
the other databases previously integrated in the onto - tools database include dbest ( 30 ) , genbank ( 31 ) , unigene ( 32 ) , kegg ( 33 ) , wormbase ( ) , netaffx , dbest library ( ) and evoc ( 34 ) . over the past year
, we have added support for the functional profiling of 19 new organisms by integrating annotations from go database . onto - express ( oe )
now supports functional profiling for a total of 24 organisms , including homo sapiens , saccharomyces cerevisiae , drosophila melanogaster , mus musculus , arabidopsis thaliana , caenorhabditis elegans , rattus norvegicus , oryza sativa , danio rerio , dictyostelium discoideum , candida albicans , bacillus anthracis ames , coxiella burnetii rsa 493 , geobacter sulfurreducens pca , listeria monocytogenes 4b f2365 , methylococcus capsulatus bath , pseudomonas syringae dc3000 , shewanella oneidensis mr-1 , vibrio cholerae , leishmania major , plasmodium falciparum , schizosaccharomyces pombe , trypanosoma brucei and glossina morsitans .
in addition to broadening its scope by adding new organisms , oe is now able to support 11 more types of input data .
previously , oe allowed the users to submit a list of genbank accession numbers , unigene cluster ids , affymetrix probe ids , locuslink ids , wormbase accession ids and gene symbols .
now oe allows the users to submit any of the database ids used in the go annotations .
these i d types include saccharomyces genome database ( sgd ) ids , flybase ids , mouse genome informatics ( mgi ) ids , the arabidopsis information resource ( tair ) ids , the institute for genomic research ( tigr ) ids , rat genome database ( rgd ) ids , gramene ids , zebrafish information network ( zfin ) ids , dictybase ids , candida genome database ( cgd ) ids and sanger genedb ids . in order to correctly interpret the results of any experiment , the researchers need to build a complete picture of the biological phenomenon under study , to the extent possible
. most often , one needs to take into account various types of data : dna sequence , mrna sequence and expression , protein expression and structure , gene interactions , protein protein interactions , etc .
however , various databases are rather specialized ( e.g. genbank focuses on sequence data , pdb focuses on protein structure data , swiss - prot focuses on protein annotations , etc . ) and no public or private resource contains all available data . in order to allow the users to navigate from one resource to another , as often required , all public databases cross - reference to some of the other databases .
for example , an mrna or expressed sequence tag ( est ) database ( e.g. unigene ) will provide links to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) , indicating the gene from which the mrna is transcribed and to a protein database ( e.g. genpept ) that will provide information about the protein which is translated from the mrna .
such a gene database will also be cross - linked to a genome map database ( e.g. ncbi genome assembly ) to help with the location of the gene on its genome .
similarly , a protein database ( e.g. swiss - prot ) will provide links to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) and a protein structure database ( e.g. pfam or interpro ) .
more recently , this cross - linking has started to be extended to include clinical aspects .
for example , disease databases , such as omim , can provide a link to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) where one can obtain functional annotations for those genes involved in specific diseases . in a parallel movement , organism - specific databases , such as mgi , rgd , etc .
these organism - specific databases also provide links to other large - scale , organism - independent , generic databases , such as entrez gene , swiss - prot , etc . the major problem in the field is that each of these databases has its own schema , which is designed independently of any other .
in consequence , each of these resources will use its own main identifier ( i.e. will have independent name - spaces ) .
for example , genbank uses accession numbers , unigene uses cluster ids , entrez gene uses gene symbols and gene ids , swiss - prot uses swiss - prot accession ids , trembl uses trembl ids , etc .
for example , the gene beta actin in mouse is referred to as mgi:87904 in mgi , actb ( gene i d : 11461 ) in entrez gene , mm.297 in unigene , actb_mouse ( primary accession number : p60710 ) in uniprot and tc1242885 in tigr gene index .
in addition , the beta actin gene in mouse is referred to by 29 mrna sequences and 4552 ests in dbest , 5 secondary accession numbers in uniprot , 4 other accession ids in mgi and 5 probe ids on 4 different affymetrix mouse arrays .
the burden of mapping various types of i d on each other is left entirely on the shoulders of the researchers , who often have to revert to cutting and pasting lists of ids from one database to another . as a side effect of the efforts to link genomics , proteomics and annotation databases , some information is replicated in multiple databases . an immediate problem created by this duplication is data coherency and consistency . the same record stored in different databases will be updated at different times , which means that different versions will co - exists for a while .
for example , one can obtain functional annotations for a gene from either the go database or entrez gene database .
note that the annotations in entrez gene and go database are obtained from the same source , the go annotation project at ebi .
an illustrative example is the gene erythrocyte membrane protein band 4.1-like 3 [ h.sapiens ] ( entrez gene id:23136 , epb41l3 ) .
a search for this gene in the go annotation database returned only one go term , plasma membrane .
however , the same gene , epb41l3 , is annotated with 6 go terms : actin binding , structural molecule activity , cortical actin cytoskeleton organization and biogenesis , cytoplasm , cytoskeleton and plasma membrane in the entrez gene database . onto - translate ( ot )
is designed to address these name - space issues and help the user with the problem of mapping various types of ids on each other .
the ultimate goal of ot is to provide the users with a non - redundant and complete mapping from any type of identification system to any other type .
uses the custom design of onto - tools database that integrates 19 sequence , gene , protein and annotation databases .
the automated functional profiling approach of oe helps the researchers to better understand the biological phenomenon under study by pointing out statistically significant cellular functions .
however , graphical representations of gene interactions ( pathways ) have been shown to be very useful ( 33,35,36 ) . as more data become available , the question is there a known pathway containing my gene(s ) of interest? will gradually transform into how do i find the most interesting pathway(s ) involving my gene(s)? pathway - express ( pe ) is a new tool in the onto - tools ensemble that was designed to answer such questions .
when the user submits a list of genes , the system performs a search and builds a list of all associated pathways .
after generating a list of pathways for the input list of genes from the onto - tools database , pe first calculates a perturbation factor pf(g ) for each input gene .
this perturbation factor takes into account the ( i ) normalized fold change of the gene and ( ii ) the number and amount of perturbation of genes downstream from it .
the impact factor of the entire pathway includes a probabilistic term that takes into consideration the proportion of differentially regulated genes on the pathway and gene perturbation factors of all genes in the pathway .
the impact factors of all pathways are used to rank the pathways before presenting them to the user .
in figure 1 , for example , the pathway selected as the most important had only three differentially regulated genes out of 209 genes
. however , this pathway is dramatically impacted if the two transmembrane receptors and the ligand shown are affected .
in february 2005 , ncbi phased out its locuslink database and replaced it with the entrez gene database ( 19 ) .
all data previously stored in locuslink ( 20 ) have been migrated to the new gene database .
however , the structure of the new database and the format of the files used to export this data have changed .
previously , the onto - tools database used the locuslink gene as its backbone data structure to link the functional annotations imported from go ( 21,22 ) with the sequence data imported from dbest and unigene .
hence , the locuslink phase - out has had a dramatic impact on the schema of the onto - tools back - end annotation database , as well as on the tools themselves .
the onto - tools back - end database has been re - designed to use a new data structure based on the gene data model .
in addition , the database download and parser modules are also modified to download and parse the entrez gene database . over the past year , onto - tools ( ot ) database has been expanded dramatically .
now , the database contains various types of data from 13 new databases which include : swiss - prot ( 23 ) , trembl ( 24 ) , pir ( 25 ) , uniprot ( 26 ) , eukaryotic promoter database ( epd ) ( 27 ) , human genome nomenclature committee ( hgnc ) ( 28 ) , genpept , online mendelian inheritance in man ( omim ) ( 28 ) , protein data bank ( pdb ) ( 29 ) , iproclass ( 24 ) , homologene ( ) , refseq ( 20 ) and go ( 21,22 ) .
the other databases previously integrated in the onto - tools database include dbest ( 30 ) , genbank ( 31 ) , unigene ( 32 ) , kegg ( 33 ) , wormbase ( ) , netaffx , dbest library ( ) and evoc ( 34 ) .
over the past year , we have added support for the functional profiling of 19 new organisms by integrating annotations from go database . onto - express ( oe )
now supports functional profiling for a total of 24 organisms , including homo sapiens , saccharomyces cerevisiae , drosophila melanogaster , mus musculus , arabidopsis thaliana , caenorhabditis elegans , rattus norvegicus , oryza sativa , danio rerio , dictyostelium discoideum , candida albicans , bacillus anthracis ames , coxiella burnetii rsa 493 , geobacter sulfurreducens pca , listeria monocytogenes 4b f2365 , methylococcus capsulatus bath , pseudomonas syringae dc3000 , shewanella oneidensis mr-1 , vibrio cholerae , leishmania major , plasmodium falciparum , schizosaccharomyces pombe , trypanosoma brucei and glossina morsitans .
in addition to broadening its scope by adding new organisms , oe is now able to support 11 more types of input data .
previously , oe allowed the users to submit a list of genbank accession numbers , unigene cluster ids , affymetrix probe ids , locuslink ids , wormbase accession ids and gene symbols .
now oe allows the users to submit any of the database ids used in the go annotations .
these i d types include saccharomyces genome database ( sgd ) ids , flybase ids , mouse genome informatics ( mgi ) ids , the arabidopsis information resource ( tair ) ids , the institute for genomic research ( tigr ) ids , rat genome database ( rgd ) ids , gramene ids , zebrafish information network ( zfin ) ids , dictybase ids , candida genome database ( cgd ) ids and sanger genedb ids .
in order to correctly interpret the results of any experiment , the researchers need to build a complete picture of the biological phenomenon under study , to the extent possible . most often , one needs to take into account various types of data : dna sequence , mrna sequence and expression , protein expression and structure , gene interactions , protein protein interactions , etc .
however , various databases are rather specialized ( e.g. genbank focuses on sequence data , pdb focuses on protein structure data , swiss - prot focuses on protein annotations , etc . ) and no public or private resource contains all available data . in order to allow the users to navigate from one resource to another , as often required , all public databases cross - reference to some of the other databases .
for example , an mrna or expressed sequence tag ( est ) database ( e.g. unigene ) will provide links to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) , indicating the gene from which the mrna is transcribed and to a protein database ( e.g. genpept ) that will provide information about the protein which is translated from the mrna .
such a gene database will also be cross - linked to a genome map database ( e.g. ncbi genome assembly ) to help with the location of the gene on its genome .
similarly , a protein database ( e.g. swiss - prot ) will provide links to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) and a protein structure database ( e.g. pfam or interpro ) .
more recently , this cross - linking has started to be extended to include clinical aspects .
for example , disease databases , such as omim , can provide a link to a gene database ( e.g. entrez gene ) where one can obtain functional annotations for those genes involved in specific diseases . in a parallel movement , organism - specific databases , such as mgi , rgd , etc .
these organism - specific databases also provide links to other large - scale , organism - independent , generic databases , such as entrez gene , swiss - prot , etc .
the major problem in the field is that each of these databases has its own schema , which is designed independently of any other . in consequence ,
each of these resources will use its own main identifier ( i.e. will have independent name - spaces ) .
for example , genbank uses accession numbers , unigene uses cluster ids , entrez gene uses gene symbols and gene ids , swiss - prot uses swiss - prot accession ids , trembl uses trembl ids , etc .
for example , the gene beta actin in mouse is referred to as mgi:87904 in mgi , actb ( gene i d : 11461 ) in entrez gene , mm.297 in unigene , actb_mouse ( primary accession number : p60710 ) in uniprot and tc1242885 in tigr gene index .
in addition , the beta actin gene in mouse is referred to by 29 mrna sequences and 4552 ests in dbest , 5 secondary accession numbers in uniprot , 4 other accession ids in mgi and 5 probe ids on 4 different affymetrix mouse arrays .
the burden of mapping various types of i d on each other is left entirely on the shoulders of the researchers , who often have to revert to cutting and pasting lists of ids from one database to another . as a side effect of the efforts to link genomics , proteomics and annotation databases , some information is replicated in multiple databases . an immediate problem created by this duplication is data coherency and consistency . the same record stored in different databases will be updated at different times , which means that different versions will co - exists for a while . for example , one can obtain functional annotations for a gene from either the go database or entrez gene database .
note that the annotations in entrez gene and go database are obtained from the same source , the go annotation project at ebi .
an illustrative example is the gene erythrocyte membrane protein band 4.1-like 3 [ h.sapiens ] ( entrez gene id:23136 , epb41l3 ) .
a search for this gene in the go annotation database returned only one go term , plasma membrane .
however , the same gene , epb41l3 , is annotated with 6 go terms : actin binding , structural molecule activity , cortical actin cytoskeleton organization and biogenesis , cytoplasm , cytoskeleton and plasma membrane in the entrez gene database . onto - translate ( ot )
is designed to address these name - space issues and help the user with the problem of mapping various types of ids on each other .
the ultimate goal of ot is to provide the users with a non - redundant and complete mapping from any type of identification system to any other type .
uses the custom design of onto - tools database that integrates 19 sequence , gene , protein and annotation databases .
the automated functional profiling approach of oe helps the researchers to better understand the biological phenomenon under study by pointing out statistically significant cellular functions .
however , graphical representations of gene interactions ( pathways ) have been shown to be very useful ( 33,35,36 ) . as more data become available , the question is there a known pathway containing my gene(s ) of interest? will gradually transform into how do i find the most interesting pathway(s ) involving my gene(s)? pathway - express ( pe ) is a new tool in the onto - tools ensemble that was designed to answer such questions .
when the user submits a list of genes , the system performs a search and builds a list of all associated pathways .
after generating a list of pathways for the input list of genes from the onto - tools database , pe first calculates a perturbation factor pf(g ) for each input gene .
this perturbation factor takes into account the ( i ) normalized fold change of the gene and ( ii ) the number and amount of perturbation of genes downstream from it .
the impact factor of the entire pathway includes a probabilistic term that takes into consideration the proportion of differentially regulated genes on the pathway and gene perturbation factors of all genes in the pathway .
the impact factors of all pathways are used to rank the pathways before presenting them to the user . note that all pathways affected are presented regardless of their impact factors . in figure 1 , for example , the pathway selected as the most important had only three differentially regulated genes out of 209 genes
. however , this pathway is dramatically impacted if the two transmembrane receptors and the ligand shown are affected .
the onto - tools suite is composed of an annotation database and six seamlessly integrated , web - accessible , free data mining tools : onto - express , onto - compare , onto - design , onto - translate , onto - miner and pathway - express .
pathway - express is a new tool that allows to find out most interesting pathways for the input list of genes in addition to visualizing the interactions among the genes in the pathways . over the past year
, our database has been dramatically expanded to include various types of data from 12 new databases , including swiss - prot , trembl , pir - iproclass , epd , hgnc , genpept , omim , pdb , homologene , refseq and entrez gene .
the onto - tools database now integrates various types of data from 19 genomics databases .
in addition , our database is also enhanced with the integration of functional annotations of new organisms .
currently , oe supports functional profiling for 24 organisms and 17 types of input ids . onto - translate
was enhanced to provide a non - redundant and complete mapping from one type of identification system to any other type . using the custom design of the onto - tools database , onto - translate
pathway - express ( pe ) performs a pathway level impact analysis and orders the affected pathways in the decreasing order of their expected importance for the given condition ( panel 1 ) .
pe displays details about each pathway including : the source database , the total number of genes , etc .
panel 3 shows the gene symbols , expression values ( or fold changes ) , and gene names for the differentially regulated genes .
panel 4 contains details about each pathway , including all genes in the pathway with their perturbation factors and expression levels .
the input genes are highlighted in red color on the pathway diagram ( panel 5 ) . | pubmed |
Valentina Caniglia is an Italian-American cinematographer and director, who has received awards for her work. She is a member of the Italian Society of Cinematographers AIC and European federation of Cinematographers IMAGO.
Early life and education
Caniglia is from Naples, Italy. When she was seven years old, her father bought her a Kodak film camera. She became interested in cinematography at the age of eight when her father showed her two films, The Conformist il Conformista directed by Bernardo Bertolucci and The Godfather directed by Francis Ford Coppola.
Caniglia graduated from Istituto Tecnico 'Padre Pio'. She moved to London to begin a career as a cinematographer. Then, she moved to New York City on a fellowship. She graduated from New York University with a Bachelor of Arts in Film Production and began work in feature films, commercials, music videos and documentaries.
Career
Caniglia is known for her lighting and camera work on the film The Stand. For her work on the period film Madeline's Oil, she won Best Cinematography award at the Louisiana International film festival in 2015. She worked on the film Pomegranates and Myrrh 2008, winner of the Golden Dagger at the Muscat Film Festival for Best Cinematography in 2009. The film premiered at the Sundance Film Festival, and received the Best Arab Film Award at Doha Tribeca Film Festival. Among other films she worked on Are You For Great Sex?, winner of best cinematography award at the Hoboken International Film Festival; Fred Won't Move Out starring Elliott Gould; and Kelly & Cal 2014 starring Juliette Lewis.
Caniglia has worked as a cinematographer for HBO, Voyage TV and Showtime. She has lensed numerous nationally aired commercials for British Airways, Ford Motor Company, Nike, GBX Shoes, which received the Telly Award. Caniglia has worked on music videos for Aesop Rock, which was number one on MTV's top ten chart in 2005; Enzo Gragnaniello; The Roots; Articolo 31, and The Stein.
She has been on the faculty of the School of Visual Arts in New York City.
References
Further reading
External links
Category:American film directors
Category:American women cinematographers
Category:American women film directors
Category:Living people
Category:English-language film directors
Category:Year of birth missing living people | wikipedia |
Tom Cruise thrills fans in Toronto: 'I remember in Ottawa I used to do flips off the roof'
By Michael Killingsworth
Mission: Impossible films are always a thrill. But the premiere event for the fifth installment of the franchise, Mission: Impossible -- Rogue Nation, was especially exciting for fans, thanks to a special appearance from none other than leading man Tom Cruise.
Following the screening of the action flick (set to open July 31), Tom and the film's writer-director, Oscar winner Christopher McQuarrie (The Usual Suspects), took the stage at Scotiabank Theatre in Toronto to take part in a Q&A session (streamed to viewers in Cineplex audiences across the country).
CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE:
Tom cruised into Toronto straight from lip-synching on Jimmy Fallon
Tom, looking fit and dapper like his alter ego Ethan Hunt, fielded questions on everything from his passion for producing to his professional relationship with frequent collaborator Christopher, but it's the action sequences he's famous for that had fans abuzz.
Read More: Jake Gyllenhaal talks Southpaw in Toronto with Rachel McAdams
"It's really satisfying to make these movies because they're so challenging," said the star, reflecting on the spectacular stunt work he took on for the feature film, including one breathtaking scene that has him clinging to the outside of an Airbus A400 during takeoff. "The reason I do those things is I want to entertain you. And I want to put you in the film -- and on the edge of your seat." Which isn't to say that fear doesn't come into play in shooting such a scene. "There's a little bit of panic, but it helps the performance," he said with a laugh.
Tom and constant collaborator Christopher McQuarrie treated the audience to a Q&A
Tom, 53, loves action, though, and admitted there was always a bit of a daredevil in him, even as a child when he spent some formative years growing up in Ontario. "I remember in Ottawa I used to do flips off the roof," said Tom, reminiscing on childhood antics. "That was the first time I broke my leg! I landed right on the sidewalk."
Today stunts are all in a day's work for Tom, who left the stage to cheers from fans and having all but confirmed that there's reason to look forward to even more derring-do from super-spy Ethan. While the next film we'll see from Tom is the suspense-comedy Mena, set for release in 2017 ("we literally just finished [shooting] the film a week ago Saturday"), he's already thinking about the future of the Mission: Impossible franchise. "I'm hoping [Christopher] will direct the next one, too… It would be fun!"
Tom Cruise's Mission: Impossible -- Rogue Nation hits theatres on July 31
New in movies and TV: 'Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation,' 'Southpaw,' and 'Wet Hot American Summer' returns
Celebrity photos of the week: Michael Bublé ladders up, Taye Diggs does Hedwig, and more
See Tom Cruise in the first trailer for 'Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation' | slim_pajama |
Why is there an increase in the pH at the start of a titration between a weak acid and a strong base?
Why is there an increase in the pH at the start of a titration between a weak acid and a strong base even though there is acid already present to neutralize it? My intuition says that there should not be even a slight increase in pH until all of the weak acid is dissociated and neutralized by the base
[](https://i.stack.imgur.com/yVbBl.png)
Because the weak acid, in this case, is not all that weak (the curve looks like one that would be made with acetic acid). There is a small supply of dissociated, aqueous hydrogen ions with which the base reacts first, before establishing its buffer equilibrium with the weak-acid molecule and its anion. The initial increase in pH then corresponds to exhausting this hydrogen-ion supply.
Whenever the addition of small amounts of strong base changes the ratio of weak acid to weak conjugate bases a lot, the slope will be high. This is the case at the beginning (when the concentration of weak base is low) and near the equivalence point (when the concentration of weak acid is low). When the ratio of weak acid to weak base is 1:1 (at the half equivalence point), buffering is optimal and the slope is minimal. All of this ignores the volume changes when adding the strong base.
In effect, the strong base reacts mostly with hydronium ions in the beginning (steep slope), mostly with the weak acid when nearing the half-equivalence point (shallow slope), and with nothing past the equivalence point (steep slope until you reach extremely basic pH).
The $\mathrm{pH}$ is a dynamic equilibrium linked with the presence of both $\ce{OH-}$ and $\ce{H3O+}$ ions.
$$
\mathrm{pH} + \mathrm{pOH} = 14
$$
When you are removing $\ce{H3O+}$ the equilibrium shifts.
So you will have an increase in the $\mathrm{pH}$. Hence, you can't avoid perturbing this equilibrium when adding one of the two species, of course, the highest deviation from the equilibrium will be after that you consume all the $\ce{H3O+}$ that's why we use a $\mathrm{p}$ function. In fact, that's why we use a $\log$ function, [the variation is not so high seen from the point of view of concentration on a linear scale](https://chemistry.stackexchange.com/a/9384/2094).
Let's start from the basic formula:
$$\mathrm{pH} = \mathrm{p}K\_\mathrm{a} + \log\frac{[\ce{A^-}]}{[\ce{HA}]} = \mathrm{p}K\_\mathrm{a} + \log\frac{\mathrm{[\ce{A}]\_0} + n}{[\ce{HA}]\_0 - n}\tag{1}$$
The derivative of $\log x$ is $1/x$. So when introducing $n$ mol $\ce{NaOH}$, we get a curve with a slope equal to:
$$\frac{\mathrm {dpH}}{\mathrm dn} = \frac{[\ce{HA}]}{[\ce{A^-}]} = \frac{[\ce{H^+]}}{K\_\mathrm{a}}\tag{2}$$
At the beginning of the titration, when $n$ is small, the acidic concentration $[\ce{H+}]$ is high. So the slope of the curve is steep. When $n$ grows bigger, $[\ce{H+}]$ becomes smaller. As a consequence, the slope of the curve decreases.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Molybdenum assay (phosphorus vs inorganic phosphate)?
Recently, I have been getting blood tests done for phosphorus. I see some laboratories report phosphorus and others report inorganic phosphate. The normal range for phosphorus seems to be about 0.1 mmol/l higher than that of inorganic phosphate. I expected that, because I expect that there are some phosphorus-containing molecules that are not H$\_2$PO$\_4$.
My expectation is also that the laboratories are doing something similar to the Molybdenum-method to test the blood serum. But does the Molybdenum-method provide estimates for inorganic phosphate or phosphorus? And how do the laboratories that report inorganic phosphate perform their assay differently than those that report phosphorus?
Direct molybdenum method detects inorganic phosphorus/phosphates(1). To determine total phosphorus, a sample gets first mineralised, forming phosphates, e.g. at high temperature by peroxodisulphate oxidation(2).
---
(1) I have used it interchangeably depending on if phosphate content is expressed as phosphorus or phosphate. It is advantageous to express phosphates as inorganic phosphorus, if compared with organic or total phosphorus.
It is still possible there is inorganic P in other form than phosphate, not reacting directly. But in context of biology, it is unlikely.
It is common practice that concentration of some analytes may be expressed in terms of equivalent components that may not be present in the sample at all. Recalculation is trivial.
---
(2) This is done during total phosphorus analysis in waste water, where samples are heated with peroxodisulphate solution in pressurised sealed vials. Samples with colloid parts usually become clear when oxidation is done.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
since spontaneous chiral symmetry breaking is a dominant property of the qcd vacuum and is responsible for much of the low energy physics seen in nature , having a first principles formulation of lattice qcd which does not explicitly break chiral symmetry has been an important goal . both wilson and staggered fermions recover chiral symmetry in the continuum limit but with these techniques the chiral and continuum limits can not be decoupled . for the qcd phase transition , which is dominantly a chiral symmetry restoring transition , a formulation that is free of violations of chiral symmetry due to lattice artifacts , should give a phase transition more closely approximating that of the continuum limit . for the measurement of matrix elements of operators in hadronic states ,
a formulation that respects chiral symmetry on the lattice substantially reduces operator mixing through renormalization .
lastly , since much of our analytic understanding of low - energy qcd is formulated in terms of low - energy effective field theories based on chiral symmetry , a lattice formulation preserving chiral symmetry allows controlled comparison with analytic expectations . building on the work of kaplan @xcite , who showed how to produce light chiral modes in a @xmath14 dimensional theory as surface states in a @xmath15 dimensional theory , a number of attractive lattice formulations have been developed which achieve a decoupling of the continuum and chiral limits . here
we will use kaplan s approach as was further developed by narayanan and neuberger @xcite and by shamir @xcite .
it is shamir s approach , commonly known as the domain wall fermion formulation , which we adopt .
( for reviews of this topic see refs .
@xcite and for more extensive recent references see ref .
@xcite . ) for a physical four - dimensional problem , the domain wall fermion dirac operator , @xmath16 , is a five - dimensional operator with free boundary conditions for the fermions in the new fifth dimension .
the desired light , chiral fermions appear as states exponentially bound to the four - dimensional surfaces at the ends of the fifth dimension .
the remaining modes for @xmath16 are heavy and delocalized in the fifth dimension .
an additional important feature of the domain wall fermion dirac operator in the limit @xmath17 is the existence of an `` index '' , an integer that is invariant under small changes in the background gauge field . here
@xmath5 is the extent of the lattice in the fifth dimension .
this property , true for all but a set of gauge fields of measure zero , can be readily seen using the overlap formalism @xcite . in the smooth background field limit
, this index is the normal topological charge but , even for rough fields , it signals the presence of massless fermion mode(s ) when non - zero .
these zero modes can easily be recognized in numerical studies with semiclassical gauge field backgrounds @xcite .
these powerful theoretical developments in fermion formulations require additional study to demonstrate their merit for numerical work .
for the case of domain wall fermions , a growing body of numerical results are available .
both quenched @xcite and dynamical @xcite domain wall fermion simulations have been conducted and the domain wall approach is readily adapted to current algorithms for lattice
( much work is also being done on the numerical implementation of the overlap formulation and its variations @xcite . )
a fundamental question , which is a major part of this paper , involves quantifying the residual chiral symmetry breaking effects of finite extent in the fifth dimension . due to current limits on computer speed ,
some lattice qcd studies are only practical when the fermionic determinant is left out of the measure of the path integral .
the resulting quenched theory does not suppress gauge field configurations with light fermionic modes , in contrast with the original theory where , for small quark mass , the determinant strongly damps such configurations .
the measurement of observables involving fermion propagation through configurations with unsuppressed light fermionic modes can in principle lead to markedly different infrared behavior than that found in full qcd , in the limit of small quark masses .
domain wall fermions , which produce light chiral modes at finite lattice spacing and preserve the global symmetries of continuum qcd , should produce a well - defined chiral limit for full qcd .
the central question addressed in this paper is whether a well - controlled chiral limit also exists within the quenched approximation .
a thorough theoretical and numerical understanding of the quenched chiral limit is essential if the good chiral properties of domain wall fermions are to be exploited in quenched lattice simulations .
here we present results from extensive simulations of quenched qcd with domain wall fermions , primarily at two lattice spacings , @xmath18 and 2 gev .
many different values for the fifth dimensional extent , @xmath5 , and the bare quark mass , @xmath19 have been used .
hadron masses , @xmath13 and the chiral condensate , @xmath20 , are the primary hadronic observables we have studied . in calculating physical observables using domain wall fermions , four - dimensional quark fields
@xmath21 are defined from the five - dimensional fields @xmath22 by taking the left - handed fields from the four - dimensional hypersurface with smallest coordinate in the fifth dimension and the right - handed fields from the hypersurface with the largest value of this coordinate .
we also present results from measuring the lowest eigenvectors and eigenvalues of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator .
here we list the major topics in each section of this paper .
section [ sec : dwf ] defines our conventions and gives details of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator .
section [ sec : sim_results ] discusses our simulation parameters and fitting procedures and includes tables of run parameters and hadron masses for @xmath23 . in section [ sec : zero_modes_qbq ] a precise understanding of how finite @xmath5 effects enter @xmath20 is developed and measurements of @xmath20 which show the role of fermionic zero modes are reported .
we study the pion mass in the chiral limit in section [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] , which requires understanding zero mode effects .
section [ sec : m_res ] contains two determinations of the residual chiral symmetry breaking for finite @xmath5 ; one from measuring appropriate pion correlators and the other from the explicitly measured small eigenvalues and eigenvectors of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator .
our determination of @xmath13 , an important check of the chiral properties of domain wall fermions , is discussed in section [ sec : hadron ] , along with the scaling of hadron masses .
because of the length of this paper and the number of topics covered , we now give a brief summary of our major results , organized to correspond to the expanded discussion in sections [ sec : zero_modes_qbq ] , [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] [ sec : m_res ] and [ sec : hadron ] .
: as already mentioned , the domain wall fermion operator @xmath16 has an atiyah - singer index @xmath24 for @xmath25 .
however , in quenched qcd , @xmath24 plays no role in the generation of gauge field configurations . for @xmath26 , both @xmath16 and the hermitian domain wall fermion operator @xmath27 @xcite
have zero modes . since @xmath20 is an appropriately restricted trace of @xmath28 it should diverge as @xmath29 for small @xmath19 if the ensemble average of @xmath30 is non - zero . here
@xmath31 is the four - dimensional , space - time volume of the lattice being studied . for large but finite @xmath5
, the residual chiral symmetry breaking should cut off this divergence .
figure [ fig : qbq_b5_7_ls32 ] shows @xmath20 versus the quark mass @xmath19 for @xmath32 gev on two different volumes of linear dimensions of about 1.6 and 3.2 fermi .
a divergence for @xmath33 is clearly visible on the smaller volume , but not on the larger .
this is expected since @xmath34 should go as @xmath35 and is clear evidence for unsuppressed zero modes in quenched qcd , first reported in ref .
notice that there may be other problems with the chiral limit of @xmath20 that are masked by this @xmath36 divergence . : with this clear evidence for zero mode effects in @xmath20 , one might expect to see zero mode contributions in any quark propagator @xmath37 if at both @xmath38 and @xmath39 a single zero eigenvector has reasonable magnitude .
for sufficiently large volume , needed to see asymptotic behavior in the limit of large @xmath40 , there should be no zero mode effects .
our results for the zero mode effects on the pion mass are presented in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] which shows @xmath41 versus @xmath19 for @xmath42 lattices with @xmath43 and figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] , where all the parameters are the same except that the volume was increased to @xmath2 .
the pion mass is determined from three different correlators which are each affected differently by zero modes . for the smaller volume , the pion masses measured disagree for small @xmath19 , while they agree for the larger volume .
notice that on the larger volume shown in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] , where zero - mode effects are not apparent , @xmath41 shows signs of curvature in @xmath19 with the three @xmath44 values lying below the extrapolation from larger masses .
in addition , this simple large - mass linear extrapolation vanishes at a value of @xmath19 that is more negative than the point @xmath45 ( shown in the graph by the star ) also suggesting downward concavity .
while the discrepancy between this @xmath38-intercept and the point @xmath45 , may be caused by @xmath46 effects , we find a considerably larger discrepancy when making a similar comparison at @xmath6 .
thus , we have evidence that @xmath12 does not depend linearly on @xmath19 in the chiral limit .
: in the limit of small lattice spacing , the dominant chiral symmetry breaking effect , due to the mixing between the domain walls , is the appearance of a residual mass , @xmath4 in the low energy effective lagrangian .
the ward - takahashi identity for domain wall fermions @xcite has an additional contribution representing this explicit chiral symmetry breaking due to finite @xmath5 .
matrix elements of this additional term between low energy states determine the residual quark mass .
figure [ fig : mres_vs_ls_b6_0 ] shows our results for @xmath4 for @xmath2 lattices at @xmath47 as a function of @xmath5 .
@xmath4 is clearly falling with @xmath5 and reaches a value of @xmath48 mev for @xmath49 .
our data does not resolve the precise behavior of @xmath4 for large @xmath5 , but the very small value makes this less important for current simulations .
a similar study on lattices with @xmath32 gev but with larger @xmath9 finds a value of @xmath10 or @xmath50 mev . we have also used the rayleigh - ritz method , implemented using the technique of kalk - reuter and simma @xcite , to determine the low - lying eigenvalues and eigenvectors for the hermitian domain wall fermion operator .
the results exhibit the approximate behavior expected from low - energy excitations in the domain wall formulation .
we use the resulting eigenvalues to provide an independent estimate of the residual mass which is nicely consistent with the more precise value determined from pseudoscalar correlators . : with this detailed understanding of the chiral limit of quenched lattice qcd with domain wall fermions , we have calculated @xmath13 using both pseudoscalar and axial - vector correlators .
the results for lattices with @xmath51 gev are shown in figure [ fig : fpi_b6_0_2parm ] , where good agreement between the two methods is seen . to do this comparison , the appropriate z - factor for the local axial current must be determined and a consistent value for @xmath4 must be known .
the good agreement in the figure is a significant test of these measurements as well as the chiral properties of domain wall fermions .
we find very good scaling in the ratio @xmath52 for @xmath32 to 2 gev .
for @xmath53 scaling is within 6% .
we also find that @xmath54 from our @xmath47 simulations .
in this section we first define our notation , including the domain wall fermion dirac operator , and then derive the precise form of the banks - casher relation for domain wall fermions , to second order in the quark mass . in this paper ,
the variable @xmath38 specifies the coordinates in the four - dimensional space - time volume , with extent @xmath55 along each of the spatial directions and extent @xmath56 along the time direction , while @xmath57 is the coordinate of the fifth direction , with @xmath5 assumed to be even .
the space - time volume @xmath31 is given by @xmath58 .
the domain wall fermion operator acts on a five - dimensional fermion field , @xmath22 , which has four spinor components . a generic four - dimensional fermion field , with four spin components ,
will be denoted by @xmath59 , while the specific four - dimensional fermion field defined from @xmath22 will be denoted by @xmath21 .
the space - time indices for vectors will be enclosed in parenthesis while for matrices they will be given as subscripts .
our general formalism follows that developed by furman and shamir @xcite .
the domain wall fermion operator is given by @xmath60 @xmath61 \nonumber \\ & + & ( m_5 - 4)\delta_{x , x^\prime } \label{eq : d_parallel}\end{aligned}\ ] ] @xmath62 \nonumber\\ & - & { m_f\over 2}\big[(1-\gamma_5 ) \delta_{s , l_s-1 } \delta_{0 , s^\prime } + ( 1+\gamma_5)\delta_{s,0}\delta_{l_s-1,s^\prime}\big].\end{aligned}\ ] ] [ d_perp ] here , @xmath63 is the gauge field at site @xmath38 in direction @xmath64 , and @xmath65 and @xmath66 lie in the range @xmath67 .
the five - dimensional mass , representing the height of the domain wall in kaplan s original language , is given by @xmath68 , while @xmath19 directly couples the two domain walls at @xmath69 and @xmath70 .
since the light chiral modes should be exponentially bound to the domain walls , @xmath19 mixes the two chiralities and is therefore the input bare quark mass .
the value of @xmath68 must be chosen to produce these light surface states and , in the free field case , @xmath71 produces a single fermion flavor with the left - hand chirality bound to @xmath72 and the right to @xmath73 . in order to use our pre - existing , high - performance wilson fermion operator computer program as part of our domain wall fermion operator , we have used the operator @xmath16 above , which is the same as @xmath74 of ref .
@xcite . following ref .
@xcite , we define the four - dimensional quark fields @xmath21 by @xmath75 where we have used the projection operators @xmath76 .
symmetry transformations of the five - dimensional fields yield a four - dimensional axial current @xmath77 here @xmath78\ ] ] while the flavor matrices are normalized to obey @xmath79 .
the divergence of this current satisfies @xmath80 where @xmath81 is a simple finite difference operator and the pseudoscalar density @xmath82 is @xmath83 this equation differs from the corresponding continuum expression by the presence of the @xmath84 term , which is built from point - split operators at @xmath85 and @xmath86 and is given by @xmath87 we will refer to this term as the `` mid - point '' contribution to the divergence of the axial current .
this mid - point term adds an additional term to the axial ward - takahashi identities and modifies observables , like the pion mass , which are controlled by these identities .
the ward - takahashi identity is @xmath88 for operators , @xmath89 made from the fields @xmath90 and @xmath91 , it has been shown @xcite that the @xmath92 term in eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] vanishes for flavor non - singlet currents when @xmath93 . for the singlet current
, this extra term generates the axial anomaly .
the mid - point term represents the contribution of finite @xmath5 effects on the low - energy physics of domain wall fermions . for domain wall fermions , the axial transformation which leads to the ward - takahashi identity of eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] rotates the fermions in the two half - spaces along the fifth direction with opposite charges . for @xmath44 ,
the action is not invariant under this transformation due to the coupling of the left- and right - handed light surface states at the midpoint of the fifth dimension .
this results in the additional term in the divergence of the axial current , as given in eq .
[ eq : midpt_term ] . in the @xmath93 limit where the explicit mixing between the @xmath94 and @xmath95 states vanishes
, this extra `` mid - point '' contribution will be zero and a continuum - like ward - takahashi identity will be realized .
since we must work at finite @xmath5 it is useful to characterize the chiral symmetry breaking effects of mixing between the domain walls as precisely as possible .
we do this by adopting the language of the symanzik improvement program @xcite . here
we use an effective continuum lagrangian @xmath96 to reproduce to @xmath97 the amplitudes predicted by our lattice theory when evaluated at low momenta and finite lattice spacing .
clearly @xmath98 is simply the continuum qcd lagrangian , while @xmath99 will include the dimension - five , clover term : @xmath100 @xcite .
the chiral symmetry breaking effects of mixing between the domain walls will appear to lowest order in @xmath101 as an additional , dimension three operator @xmath102 .
this term represents the residual mass term that remains even after the explicit input chiral symmetry breaking parameter @xmath19 has been set to zero
. the next chiral symmetry breaking contribution from domain wall mixing will be @xmath46 smaller , appearing as a coefficient of order @xmath103 for the clover term .
we define the chiral symmetry breaking parameter @xmath4 so the complete coefficient of the mass term in @xmath98 is proportional to the simple sum @xmath104 .
while this is a precise definition of @xmath4 , valid for finite lattice spacing , a precise determination of @xmath4 in a lattice calculation will be impeded by the need to quantitatively account for the additional chiral symmetry breaking effects of terms of higher order in @xmath101 .
close to the continuum limit , for long distance amplitudes , the ward - takahashi identity given in eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] must agree with the corresponding identity in the effective continuum theory .
thus , for the non - singlet case , the sum of the first two terms on the right - hand side of eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] must be equivalent to an effective quark mass , @xmath105 , times the pseudo - scalar density @xmath106 .
thus , the residual mass , @xmath4 appears in the low energy identity : @xmath107 where this equality will hold up to @xmath46 in low - momentum amplitudes .
thus , close to the continuum limit , @xmath4 in eq .
[ eq : mres ] is a universal measure of the chiral symmetry breaking effects of domain wall fermions for all low energy matrix elements , with corrections coming from terms of higher order in the lattice spacing .
however , away from the continuum limit the @xmath46 terms may be appreciable .
in addition , if there are high energy scales entering an observable , such a low energy description is not valid and the explicit chiral symmetry breaking effects of finite @xmath5 can be more complicated than a simple additive shift of the input quark mass by @xmath4 .
many aspects of the chiral behavior of the domain wall theory can be easily understood by reference to the more familiar wilson fermion formulation . for finite @xmath5
the domain wall formulation can be viewed as an `` on- and off - shell improved '' version of wilson fermions .
the low energy effective lagrangian for domain wall fermions is the same as that for the wilson case except the coefficients of the chiral symmetry breaking terms are expected to decrease exponentially with @xmath5 . viewed in this way , one might expect to achieve a vanishing pion mass by fine - tuning @xmath19 to a critical value , @xmath108 in very much the same way as one fine - tunes @xmath109 to @xmath110 for wilson fermions .
as the above discussions demonstrates , @xmath111 .
just as in the wilson case , this limit can be interpreted as the approach to the critical surface of the aoki phase @xcite .
a hermitian operator @xmath27 can be constructed @xcite from @xmath16 through @xmath112 where @xmath113 is the reflection in the fifth dimension around the five - dimensional midpoint , @xmath114 .
writing out @xmath27 gives @xmath115 \delta_{x , x^\prime } \nonumber\end{aligned}\ ] ] while as an explicit matrix in the @xmath116 indices : @xmath117 the eigenfunctions and eigenvectors of @xmath27 will be denoted by @xmath118 with the five - dimensional propagator given by @xmath119 ( grassmann variables in the euclidean path integral will be denoted by @xmath120 and @xmath121 , while the eigenfunctions of @xmath27 will be denoted @xmath122 and @xmath123 . )
we will find it convenient to define three additional matrices @xmath124 @xmath125 and @xmath126 the transformation which generates the current in eq.[eq : axial_cc ] is @xmath127 the matrices @xmath128 and @xmath129 are the two parts of @xmath27 which correspond to terms in @xmath130 which are not invariant under the transformation in eq .
[ eq : axial_sym ] .
the matrix @xmath128 underlies the explicit mass term and , in the original operator @xmath16 , explicitly mixes the @xmath69 and @xmath131 walls .
likewise , the matrix @xmath129 is a `` mid - point '' matrix with non - zero elements only in the center of the fifth dimension .
it represents the component of the operator @xmath16 which connects the left and right half regions .
these two contributions provide the terms on the right hand side of eq .
[ eq : axial_cc_diverg ] and one easily finds @xmath132 since it is expected that there are eigenvectors of @xmath27 which are exponentially localized on the domain walls , we see that with @xmath133 and the limit @xmath93 taken , @xmath27 anticommutes with @xmath134 in the subspace of these eigenvectors .
this is the property expected for massless , four - dimensional fermions in the continuum in euclidean space . using the matrix , @xmath128 ,
we can write a simple form for the four - dimensional chiral condensate , @xmath20 @xmath135 where in the last line a bra / ket notation has been used .
the large angle brackets indicate the average over an appropriate ensemble of gauge fields .
we define the pion interpolating field as @xmath136 and then find that the pion two - point function is given by ( no sum on @xmath101 ) @xmath137 note that the generators , @xmath138 , do not appear in the spectral sum , since they merely serve to specify the contractions of the quark propagators and that @xmath139 . to investigate the extra term in the axial ward - takahashi identity , eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] , we will also have need to measure the correlation function between interpolating pion fields defined on the domain walls and the mid - point contribution to the divergence of the axial current , @xmath92 .
we define a mid - point pion interpolating field by @xmath140 and the spectral decomposition for the correlator between interpolating pion operators on the wall and the midpoint is @xmath141 we define a local axial current as @xmath142 and note that it is different from @xmath143 defined in eq .
[ eq : axial_cc ] .
the two - point function of the zeroth component of this current , @xmath144 , has a form similar to eq .
[ eq : dwf_corrpp_spec ] with a factor of @xmath145 multiplying each @xmath128 and an overall minus sign . finally , our scalar density is @xmath146 and the connected correlator @xmath147 also has the form of eq .
[ eq : dwf_corrpp_spec ] with a factor of @xmath148 multiplying each @xmath128 and an overall minus sign .
in this section we present the results for @xmath149 , @xmath150 and @xmath151 obtained for reasonably heavy input quark mass , @xmath23 where the lower limit corresponds to @xmath152 .
the more challenging study of @xmath149 for @xmath33 is described later , in section [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] .
this section is organized as follows .
we begin by describing the monte carlo runs on which the results in this paper are based . next the methods used to determine the hadron masses
are discussed , both the propagator determinations and our fitting procedures . finally , we present the results of those calculations for the easier , large mass case , @xmath23 .
the results reported in this paper were obtained from ensembles of gauge field configuration generated from pure gauge simulations using the standard wilson action@xcite at three values of the coupling parameter , @xmath153 : 5.7 , 5.85 and 6.00 . thus , these ensembles follow the distribution , @xmath154 where the sum ranges over all elementary plaquettes @xmath155 in the lattice and @xmath156 is the ordered product of the four link matrices associated with the edges of the plaquette @xmath155 .
some of the @xmath3 simulations and a portion of those at @xmath157 were performed using the hybrid monte carlo ` @xmath158 ' algorithm @xcite .
these runs were performed on an @xmath159 space - time volume with a domain wall height @xmath160 .
each hybrid monte carlo trajectory consisted of 50 steps with a step size @xmath161 .
these runs are summarized in table [ tab : run_parameters_hmc ] . in each case
the first 2,000 hybrid monte carlo trajectories were discarded for thermalization before any measurements were made .
after these thermalization trajectories , successive measurements of hadron masses and the chiral condensate , @xmath20 were made after each group of 200 trajectories .
a second set of simulations were performed using the heatbath method of creutz @xcite , adapted for @xmath162 using the two - subgroup technique of cabibbo and marinari @xcite and improved for a multi - processor machine by the algorithm of kennedy and pendleton @xcite .
the first 5,000 sweeps were discarded for thermalization .
these runs are described in table [ tab : run_parameters_hb ] where the values of @xmath68 used are also given .
finally , the single @xmath157 run with @xmath163 was performed using the milc code @xcite . here
four over - relaxed heatbath sweeps @xcite with @xmath164 were followed by one kennedy - pendleton sweep , with 50,000 initial sweeps discarded for thermalization .
a portion of the @xmath3 masses described here appeared earlier in ref .
@xcite while the first of the @xmath6 results appear in refs .
@xcite and @xcite .
we follow the standard procedures for determining the hadron masses from a lattice calculation , extracting these masses from the exponential time decay of euclidean - space , two - point correlation functions . in our calculation
the source may take two forms .
the first is a point source @xmath165 which is usually introduced at the origin . the flavor index @xmath101 is introduced to make clear that we do not study the masses of flavor singlet states . for the nucleon state we use a combination of three quark fields : @xmath166 \label{eq : pt_src_n}\ ] ] where for simplicity we have written the source for a proton in terms of up and down quark fields , @xmath167 and @xmath14 .
here @xmath168 is the @xmath169 dirac charge - conjugation matrix , @xmath170 the anti - symmetric tensor in three dimensions and the color sum over the indices @xmath101 , @xmath171 and @xmath172 is shown explicitly .
only these point sources are used in the @xmath3 running .
the second variety of source used in this work is a wall source .
such a source is obtained by a simple generalization of eqs .
[ eq : pt_src_m ] and [ eq : pt_src_n ] in which we replace the quark fields evaluated at the same space - time point @xmath173 with distributed fields , each of which is summed over the entire spatial volume at a fixed time @xmath174 .
gauge covariance is maintained by introducing a gauge field dependent color matrix @xmath175(\vec r , t_i)$ ] which transforms the spatial links in the time slice @xmath176 into coulomb gauge .
thus , to construct our wall sources we simply replace the quark field @xmath177 by the non - local field @xmath178 where @xmath172 and @xmath179 are color indices .
we use these wall sources for the @xmath157 calculations and a combination of both wall and point sources in the @xmath6 studies .
the use of wall sources for these weaker coupling runs is appropriate since the physical hadron states are larger in lattice units and better overlap is achieved with the states of interest by using these extended sources . in all cases
we use a zero - momentum - projected point sink for the second operator in the correlation function .
this is obtained by simply summing the operators in eqs .
[ eq : pt_src_m ] and [ eq : pt_src_n ] over all spatial positions @xmath180 in a fixed time plane @xmath181 .
thus , for example , we will extract the mass @xmath182 of the lightest meson with quantum numbers of the dirac matrix @xmath183 from the large @xmath184 expression : @xmath185 a similar equation is used for the nucleon correlation function except that the second exponent representing the state propagating through the antiperiodic boundary condition connecting @xmath186 and @xmath187 is reversed in sign and has exchanged upper and lower components for a spinor basis in which @xmath188 is diagonal . for both the calculation of the quark propagators from which these hadron correlators are constructed and the evaluation of the chiral condensate , @xmath20 , we invert the five - dimensional domain wall fermion dirac operator of eq .
[ eq : d ] , using the conjugate gradient method to solve an equation of the form @xmath189 .
this iterative method is run until a stopping condition is satisfied , which requires that the norm squared of the residual be a fixed , small fraction @xmath170 of the norm squared of the source vector @xmath190 . at the @xmath191 iteration
, we determine the residual @xmath192 as a cumulative approximation to the difference vector obtained by applying the dirac operator to the present approximate solution @xmath193 and @xmath190 : @xmath194 .
we stop the process when @xmath195 . for the calculation of
@xmath20 we use @xmath196 for the runs of table [ tab : run_parameters_hmc ] and @xmath197 for those in table [ tab : run_parameters_hb ] . for the computation of hadron masses in the runs of table [ tab : run_parameters_hmc ] we use
@xmath197 when @xmath5 has the values 10 , 16 , 24 and 48 , the condition @xmath198 for the case @xmath199 . for the hadron masses computed in the runs in table [ tab : run_parameters_hb ] we used @xmath197 for @xmath3 and 6.0 , and @xmath200 for @xmath157 .
tests showed that zero - momentum projected hadronic propagators eight time slices from the source , calculated with a stopping condition of @xmath201 , differed by less than 1% from the same propagators calculated with a stopping condition of @xmath202 for @xmath23 @xcite . for a quark mass @xmath203 and a @xmath2 volume with @xmath204 ,
typically @xmath205 conjugate gradient iterations were required to meet the stopping condition . for our very light quark masses ( @xmath206 )
up to 10,000 iterations were required for convergence . the final step in extracting the masses of the lowest - lying hadron states from the exponential behavior of the correlation functions given in eq .
[ eq : exp ] is to perform a fit to this exponential form over a time range chosen so that this single - state description is accurate .
choosing @xmath207 , we use the appropriate @xmath208 symmetry of eq .
[ eq : exp ] to fold the correlator data into one - half of the original time range @xmath209 .
we then perform a single - state fit of the form in eq .
[ eq : exp ] for the time range @xmath210 .
typically @xmath211 is simply set to the largest possible value , @xmath212 .
runs we used smaller values of @xmath213 for the @xmath214 and @xmath215 fitting , typically 12 or 14 , in order to avoid the effects of rounding errors .
these finite - precision errors , caused by a poor choice of initial solution vector , were seen at the largest time separations for the very rapidly falling propagators found at this strong coupling . ] the lower limit , @xmath216 , is decreased to include as large a time range as possible so as to extract the most accurate results .
however , @xmath216 must be sufficiently large that the asymptotic , single - state formula in eq .
[ eq : exp ] is a good description of the data in the time range studied .
these issues are nicely represented by the effective mass , @xmath217 , with the parameters @xmath218 and @xmath219 in eq .
[ eq : exp ] determined to exactly describe the hadron correlator at the times @xmath174 and @xmath220 . to the extent that @xmath217 is independent of @xmath174 , the data are in a time range which is consistent with the desired single state signal . as an illustration ,
this effective mass is plotted in figure [ fig : m_eff ] for the @xmath214 , @xmath215 and nucleon states in the @xmath221 , @xmath6 , @xmath7 , @xmath222 calculation .
good single - state fits are easy to identify from the plateau regions for the case of @xmath149 and @xmath150 . for the nucleon
the rapidly increasing errors at larger time separations for this relatively light quark mass make it more difficult to determine a plateau .
better nucleon plateaus are seen for larger values of @xmath19 .
the actual fits are carried out by minimizing the correlated @xmath223 to determine the particle mass and propagation amplitude .
we then choose @xmath216 as small as possible consistent with two criteria .
first , the fit must remain sufficiently good that the @xmath223 per degree of freedom does not grow above 1 - 2 .
second , we require that the mass values obtained agree with those determined from a larger value of @xmath216 within their errors . in order to keep the fitting procedure as simple and straight forward as possible , we choose values for @xmath216 which can be used for as large a range of quark masses , domain wall separations and particle types as possible .
given the large number of monte carlo runs and variety of masses and @xmath5 values it is possible to employ an essentially statistical technique to determine @xmath216 . in choosing the appropriate @xmath216 we examine two distributions .
the first distribution is a simple histogram of values of @xmath224 obtained for all quark masses and a particular physical quantum number .
we require that for our choice of @xmath216 , this distribution is sensibly peaked around the value 1 or lower .
an example is shown in figure [ fig : fit_hist ] for the @xmath225 @xmath215 mass determined from a wall source for three values of @xmath226 : 5 , 7 and 9 . in the second distribution
we first determine a fitted mass @xmath227 and the corresponding error @xmath228 for the state @xmath229 , where the lower bound on the fitting range is given by @xmath174 .
we then choose a @xmath230 and examine a measure of the degree to which @xmath227 and @xmath231 agree .
the measure we choose is @xmath232 in figure [ fig : fit_hist ] we show the distribution of values of @xmath233 for the @xmath215 meson for all @xmath234 and three choices for @xmath216 : 5 , 7 and 9 .
the distributions include @xmath215 mesons with all values of @xmath235 and all values for @xmath5 used in the calculations . in our sample figure [ fig : fit_hist ] , we have a reasonable distribution of @xmath236 values for all three choices of @xmath226 with only a slight improvement visible as @xmath216 increases from 5 to 9 .
likewise the distribution of mass values found at @xmath237 is in reasonable agreement for each value of @xmath216 with a slight bias toward larger values being visible at the lowest value @xmath238 . examining this figure and corresponding figures for the @xmath214
, for our quoted masses , we chose @xmath239 for these states .
the fact that figure [ fig : fit_hist ] does not sharply discriminate between these three possible choices of @xmath216 implies that we will get essentially equivalent results from each of these three values .
our choices of @xmath216 are as follows . for @xmath3 , where only point sources are used ,
@xmath216 was chosen to be 7 for the @xmath214 , @xmath215 and nucleon . for @xmath157 ,
hadron masses were determined only from the doubled @xmath240 configurations using wall sources and the value @xmath241 for the @xmath215 and 7 for the @xmath214 and nucleon .
finally for @xmath6 the most accurate mass values were determined using wall sources and it is these mass results which we quote below . here @xmath216 was chosen to be 7 for the @xmath214 and @xmath215 and 8 for the nucleon .
we were able to extract quite consistent results with larger errors using point sources . here
the needed value of @xmath216 was 10 for the @xmath214 and @xmath215 and @xmath242 for the nucleon .
finally , the errors are determined for each mass by a jackknife analysis performed on the resulting fitted mass .
the hadron masses that result from the fitting procedures described above are given in tables [ tab : mhad_832_b57k165ns10]-[tab : mhad_1632_b60k18ns24 ] .
omitted from this tabulation are the masses for the more difficult cases @xmath243 and 0.001 which are discussed later in section [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] . in each case
the pion mass was determined from the @xmath144 correlator . while the results presented in these tables will be used in later sections of this paper , there are some important aspects of these results which will be discussed in this section .
in particular , the dependence on volume and the @xmath19 dependence of the @xmath215 and nucleon masses will be examined .
we begin by examining the dependence of the @xmath215 and nucleon on the input quark mass , @xmath19 . in figures [ fig : m_vs_mf_5.7 ] , [ fig : m_vs_mf_5.85 ] and [ fig : m_vs_mf_6.0 ] we plot the @xmath215 and nucleon masses as a function of @xmath19 , as the figures show , each case is well described by a simple linear dependence on @xmath19 .
the data plotted in these figures appear in tables [ tab : mhad_832_b57k165ns32 ] [ tab : mhad_1232_b585k19ns20 ] and [ tab : mhad_1632_b60k18ns16 ] , respectively .
also plotted in figure [ fig : m_vs_mf_6.0 ] are our results for @xmath150 with non - degenerate quarks .
the coincidence of these two results implies the familiar conclusion that to a good approximation the meson mass depends on the simple average of the quark masses of which it is composed . for simplicity in obtaining jackknife errors ,
we have included in these linear fits only that data associated with ensembles of configurations on which all relevant quark mass values were studied
. added configurations where only particular quark masses had been evaluated were not included .
a simple linear fit provides a good approximation to all the masses considered in this section , in particular for @xmath23 . in table
[ tab : extrap_832_b5_7 ] we assemble the fit parameters for the @xmath3 , @xmath42 masses , while tables [ tab : extrap_1632_b5_7 ] , [ tab : extrap_1232_b5_85 ] and [ tab : extrap_1632_b6_0 ] contain the fit parameters for the @xmath3 , @xmath2 , @xmath157 , @xmath244 and @xmath6 , @xmath2 calculations , respectively .
the parameters presented in these three tables were obtained by minimizing a correlated @xmath223 which incorporated the effects of the correlation between hadron masses obtained with different valence quark masses , @xmath19 , but determined on the same ensemble of quenched gauge configurations .
the errors quoted follow from the jackknife method and the small values of @xmath236 shown demonstrate how well these linear fits work . because of the visible curvature in the pion mass for our @xmath3 and 6.0 results , the linear fits for @xmath12 were made to the lowest three mass values . for the @xmath215 and nucleon and all three masses at @xmath157 we fit to the masses obtained for the full range of @xmath19 values .
next we consider the effects of finite volume by comparing the @xmath245 and @xmath2 , volumes used in the @xmath3 , @xmath9 calculation .
the value of @xmath246 found at the lightest @xmath247 mass value for the @xmath2 implies a compton wavelength of 2.6 in lattice units .
this lies between 1/4 and 1/3 of the linear dimension of the smaller lattice , suggesting that we should not expect large finite volume effects .
this is borne out by comparing the data in tables [ tab : mhad_832_b57k165ns48 ] and [ tab : mhad_1632_b57k165ns48_b ] where the two sets of masses agree within errors .
this apparent volume independence within our errors can be nicely summarized by comparing the coefficients of the linear fits of the @xmath215 and nucleon .
writing the two @xmath101 and @xmath171 coefficients from the tables as a pair [ a , b ] , we can compare the @xmath2 values from table [ tab : extrap_1632_b5_7 ] @xmath248 $ ] and @xmath249 $ ] for the @xmath215 and nucleon with the corresponding numbers for the @xmath42 numbers from table [ tab : extrap_832_b5_7 ] : @xmath250 $ ] and @xmath251 $ ] .
for @xmath149 the results on the two volumes agree to within the typical 1% statistical errors .
however , for the case of the @xmath215 and nucleon masses , finite volume effects may be visible on the two standard deviation or 1 - 2% level for the more accurate masses obtained for @xmath252 since in lattice units the @xmath215 mass decreases by about a factor of two as we change @xmath253 from 5.7 to 6.0 , the @xmath254 spatial volume used at @xmath6 should be equivalent to the @xmath255 volume just discussed at @xmath3 .
thus , we expect that the @xmath215 and nucleon masses that we have found on this @xmath254 volume will differ from their large volume limits by an amount on the order of a few percent while the finite - volume pion masses may be accurate on the 0.5% level .
in the previous section , our results for quark masses @xmath23 were given , where the smallest values of @xmath19 gave @xmath256 .
since the domain wall fermion operator with @xmath257 should give exact fermionic zero modes as @xmath93 , observables determined from quark propagators at finite @xmath5 , when small quark masses are used , should show the effects of topological near - zero modes .
for quenched simulations , where zero modes are not suppressed by the fermion determinant , these modes can be expected to produce pronounced effects .
one important practical question is the size of the quark mass where the effects are measurable . to begin to investigate this we now turn to the simplest observable where they can occur , @xmath20 . before considering the domain wall fermion operator , we review the spectral decomposition of the continuum four - dimensional , anti - hermitian euclidean dirac operator @xmath258 . and the lattice staggered fermion operator have eigenvalues and eigenvectors which also obey eq.[eq : anti_herm_d4_evalues ] . ]
the eigenfunctions and corresponding eigenvalues of such an anti - hermitian operator satisfy @xmath259 with @xmath260 real and @xmath261 ( we use @xmath260 to label eigenfunctions and eigenvalues of the anti - hermitian operator , saving @xmath262 for the `` hermitian '' case defined below . ) in the continuum , the presence of zero modes is guaranteed by the atiyah - singer index theorem for a gluonic field background with non - zero winding number @xcite .
the four - dimensional quark propagator , @xmath263 , can be written as @xmath264 leading directly to the banks - casher relation @xcite ( with our normalization for the chiral condensate ) @xmath265 where @xmath24 is the winding number and @xmath266 is the average density of eigenvalues .
for quenched qcd , @xmath267 has no dependence on the quark mass . for both quenched and full qcd
, one expects that @xmath268 , as is the case for a dilute instanton gas model .
thus , zero modes lead to a divergent @xmath269 term in @xmath20 whose coefficient decreases as @xmath35 .
( this contrasts with the behavior seen @xcite above the deconfinement transition where it can be shown that the @xmath269 term remains non - zero for quenched qcd in the infinite volume limit @xcite . ) before discussing the results of our simulations , we first address how this simple expectation of a @xmath269 term in @xmath20 due to zero modes should appear for the domain wall fermion operator
. we will find it useful to compare the spectrum and properties of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator @xmath27 with the hermitian four - dimensional operator , @xmath270 , defined by @xmath271 the eigenvalues , @xmath262 , and eigenvectors , @xmath272 , for this operator can be given in terms of @xmath260 and @xmath273 given above . if @xmath274 we immediately get an eigenvalue @xmath275 for the hermitian operator , and an eigenvector with the definite chirality @xmath276 or @xmath277 .
for @xmath278 , the eigenvectors of @xmath270 are linear combinations of @xmath273 and @xmath279 and the corresponding eigenvalues are @xmath280 .
since @xmath281 , we have @xmath282 since for @xmath270 @xmath283 eq .
[ eq : dh4_spec_qbq ] also reduces to the banks - casher relation , eq .
[ eq : banks_casher ] . for finite mass ,
the zero - mode hermitian eigenfunctions are chiral , while other eigenfunctions have a chirality proportional to the mass .
this will be important in our comparisons with domain wall fermions . for large @xmath5
, it is expected that the spectrum of light eigenvalues of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator , @xmath27 , should reproduce the features of the operator @xmath270 .
since @xmath27 depends continuously on @xmath19 , for small @xmath19 its @xmath229th eigenvalue must have the form @xmath284 to make a connection with the normal continuum form for the eigenvalues we reparameterize @xmath285 as @xmath286 here @xmath287 is an overall normalization factor and we have defined @xmath288 , which enters as a contribution to the total quark mass for the @xmath229th eigenvalue .
for @xmath289 , @xmath285 is at its minimum .
modes which become precise zero modes when @xmath290 will have non - zero values for @xmath291 and @xmath292 for finite @xmath5 .
we will refer to such modes as topological near - zero modes .
from perturbation theory in @xmath19 , one can easily see that @xmath293 while the chain rule applied to eq .
[ eq : dherm_lambda_vs_mf ] gives @xmath294 combining this with eq .
[ eq : dh_spectral_qbq ] gives @xmath295 which agrees with the banks - casher form , eq .
[ eq : banks_casher ] with the addition of the @xmath229 dependent mass contribution @xmath292 .
thus , the parameter @xmath291 in eq .
[ eq : dherm_lambda_vs_mf ] should be identified with the eigenvalues of the continuum anti - hermitian operator @xmath258 . as indicated by eqs .
[ eq : m_f_pt ] and [ eq : chain_rule ] , @xmath288 should represent a contribution to the eigenvalue from the chiral symmetry breaking effects of coupling of the domain walls , present for finite @xmath5 .
these arguments show that the domain wall fermion chiral condensate will grow as @xmath36 for gauge field configurations with topology , provided @xmath5 is large enough to make @xmath288 and @xmath291 small .
the continuum expectation of a @xmath36 divergence is modified at small @xmath19 by the non - zero values of @xmath288 and @xmath291 for topological near - zero modes . for a single configuration ,
the precise departure from a @xmath36 divergence is dominated by the eigenvalues with the smallest values for @xmath288 and @xmath291 ; for an ensemble average , the departure from @xmath36 behavior depends on the distribution of values of @xmath292 . with this understanding of @xmath20 for domain wall fermions , we turn to our simulation results . in this section
we discuss our results for @xmath20 for quenched qcd simulations with domain wall fermions .
tables [ tab : run_parameters_hmc ] , [ tab : run_parameters_hb ] and [ tab : mass_ranges ] give details about the runs where @xmath20 was measured .
the most important aspect of the run parameters is the small values for @xmath19 used , including @xmath296 where finite @xmath5 keeps @xmath297 non - zero , allowing the conjugate gradient inverter to be used .
of course the number of conjugate gradient iterations becomes quite large .
equation [ eq : dwf_banks_casher ] shows that we should expect large values for @xmath298 for small @xmath19 for configurations with topological near - zero modes .
figure [ fig : qbq_b5_7_ls32_48 ] shows @xmath298 for @xmath42 lattices at @xmath299 with both @xmath300 and 48 .
the quark masses used cover the ranges @xmath301 and @xmath302 , defined in table [ tab : mass_ranges ] .
both values for @xmath5 show an increase in @xmath298 for very small quark mass , an effect expected from the presence of a non - zero value for @xmath303 .
( this effect was first reported for domain wall fermions based on quenched simulations done on @xmath42 lattices with @xmath304 , @xmath305 and @xmath300 and listed in table [ tab : run_parameters_hmc ] @xcite . )
motivated by the form of eq .
[ eq : dwf_banks_casher ] we have fit @xmath298 to the following phenomenological form @xmath306 where @xmath307 , @xmath308 , @xmath309 and @xmath310 are parameters to be determined .
@xmath310 represents a weighted average of @xmath292 over the eigenvalues which dominate @xmath20 for small @xmath19 .
the measurements of @xmath20 for different values of @xmath19 are strongly correlated , being done on the same gauge field configurations with , generally , the same random noise estimator used to determine @xmath20 for all the masses .
the common noise source makes the signal for the @xmath36 divergence particularly clean , since the overlap of the topological near - zero mode eigenvectors with the random source does not fluctuate on a single configuration .
this strong correlation precludes doing a correlated fit of @xmath20 to @xmath19 , since the correlation matrix is too singular .
thus , the fits in this section are uncorrelated fits of @xmath20 to @xmath19 .
table [ tab : qbq_phenom ] gives the results for fits to the form of eq .
[ eq : qbq_phenom ] for our @xmath299 , 5.85 and 6.0 simulations .
all the fits have a value @xmath236 less than 0.1 , a consequence of doing uncorrelated fits to such correlated data . in figure
[ fig : qbq_b5_7_ls32_48 ] , one sees that the fit represents the data quite well .
continuing with @xmath42 lattices at @xmath299 , table [ tab : qbq_phenom ] shows the fit parameters are very similar for @xmath300 and 48 , except for @xmath310 , which drops from 0.0040(4 ) to 0.0017(2 ) .
this indicates a decrease in @xmath288 as @xmath5 increases .
figure [ fig : qbq_b6_0_ls16_24 ] is a similar plot of @xmath298 for @xmath221 lattices with @xmath47 for @xmath204 and 24 . the rise in @xmath20 for small @xmath19 exhibits the same general structure as for the @xmath299 data in figure [ fig : qbq_b5_7_ls32_48 ] , but the effect is larger . here
@xmath310 falls from 0.00056(3 ) for @xmath204 to 0.00011(1 ) for @xmath311 . to further demonstrate that the divergence for small @xmath19 is due to eigenfunctions of @xmath27 that represent zero modes of a definite chirality ,
figure [ fig : qbq_qbg5q_evol_b6_0 ] shows the evolution of both @xmath298 ( solid lines ) and @xmath312 ( dotted lines ) .
these evolutions are for @xmath2 lattices at @xmath47 with @xmath204 .
eigenfunctions with a positive chirality contribute equally to @xmath20 and @xmath313 , while negative chirality eigenfunctions contribute with an opposite sign to @xmath314 .
the topological near - zero modes should be approximately chiral and , for smaller values of @xmath19 , one see large fluctuations in @xmath20 and @xmath314 .
some of the fluctuations have the same sign and some are of opposite sign .
thus , we have configurations with eigenfunctions which are very good approximations to the exact zero modes expected as @xmath93 .
as mentioned earlier , @xmath315 should decrease with volume , with the asymptotic dependence given by @xmath35 .
to investigate this numerically , we have measured @xmath20 on both @xmath245 and @xmath2 lattices at @xmath299 and 5.85 with @xmath300 and show the @xmath299 results in figure [ fig : qbq_b5_7_ls32 ] .
the graph clearly shows that the @xmath36 divergence is drastically suppressed by the larger volume .
the coefficient of the @xmath36 term falls from @xmath316 to @xmath317 as the volume is changed by a factor of 8 .
this may be somewhat misleading , since @xmath310 also changes by a factor of about 2 , likely due to the phenomenological nature of the fit and the small effects of the @xmath36 pole for the larger volume .
putting aside this systematic difficulty , the @xmath36 coefficient decreases by a factor of @xmath318 , showing the general behavior expected but not in precise agreement with the expected asymptotic form .
for @xmath304 , where the physical size of the lattices is smaller , the @xmath36 coefficient falls from @xmath319 to @xmath320 , a factor of 6.3 . we have not seen the expected @xmath35 dependence for the @xmath36 coefficient , but it does decrease with volume in accordance with general ideas .
it is possible that on the larger @xmath321 volume , the @xmath36 rise is not large enough to allow its coefficient to be determined without systematic errors .
thus , we have clear evidence for topological near - zero modes in our quenched simulations using domain wall fermions .
they are revealed through a large @xmath36 rise in our values for @xmath298 , the presence of configurations where @xmath20 and @xmath322 are large and of opposite sign and the volume dependence of the coefficient of the @xmath36 term .
we have extracted a quantity , @xmath310 , from a phenomenological fit to @xmath20 , which represents the effects of finite @xmath5 on the eigenmodes with small eigenvalues which dominate @xmath20 for @xmath33 .
physical values for @xmath20 in the chiral limit , without the contribution of the topological near - zero modes , will be presented in section [ sec : hadron ] .
we now turn to a discussion of how these zero modes , and the expected light modes responsible for chiral symmetry breaking , are evident in measurements of the pion mass .
for domain wall fermions with @xmath323 , the chiral limit is achieved by taking @xmath133 . for our quenched simulations at finite @xmath5
, we must investigate the chiral limit in detail to demonstrate that the changes from the @xmath93 limit are under control and of a known size . as is discussed in sec .
[ sec : mres_def ] , for low energy qcd physics the dominant effect of finite @xmath5 should be the appearance of an additional chiral symmetry breaking term in the effective lagrangian describing qcd .
this term has the form @xmath324 and in the continuum limit its presence will make @xmath149 vanish at @xmath325 up to terms of order @xmath326 .
our investigation of the chiral limit is made more difficult since there are other issues affecting this limit , beyond having @xmath5 finite . for
domain wall fermion quenched simulations , the chiral limit may be distorted by : 1 .
order @xmath326 effects .
since we are working at finite lattice spacing chiral symmetry will not be precisely restored even for @xmath327 . in particular ,
additional chiral symmetry breaking will come from the effects of higher dimension operators suppressed by factors of @xmath328 for @xmath329 .
thus , we can not not expect @xmath149 to vanish precisely at the point @xmath325 , but perhaps at a nearby point , removed from @xmath330 by a terms of @xmath46 .
2 . finite @xmath5 .
the residual mass , @xmath4 , should represent the finite @xmath5 effects for physics describable by a low - energy effective lagrangian .
however , there will be additional effects of finite @xmath5 for observables sensitive to ultraviolet phenomena .
further , a quantity with sufficiently severe infrared singularity may show unphysical sensitivity to those @xmath5-dependent eigenfunctions @xmath331 ( and the parameters @xmath287 , @xmath291 and @xmath292 of the previous section ) with small eigenvalues @xmath332 .
3 . topological near - zero modes .
the previous section has shown these dominate @xmath20 for small quark masses ( @xmath333 ) for the volumes we are using . from the ward - takahashi identity , these effects must also by present in the pion correlator @xmath334 .
4 . finite volume . for staggered fermions , where the remnant chiral symmetry at finite lattice spacing requires @xmath335 when the input quark mass is zero , the finite volumes used in simulations have been seen to make @xmath41 non - zero when extrapolated to the chiral limit from above @xcite .
such an effect may also be expected to occur for domain wall fermions .
analytic results argue for the presence of `` quenched chiral logs '' with the dependence of @xmath41 on the quark mass in quenched qcd different from that of full qcd @xcite . in this section
we study the pion mass in the limit of small quark mass . demonstrating consistent chiral behavior for the pion mass in the limit
@xmath336 is a critical component in establishing the ability of the domain wall fermion formalism to adequately describe chiral physics .
if we discover that the limit @xmath337 is obscured by large @xmath46 effects or large violations of chiral symmetry caused by unanticipated propagation between the domain walls , little may be gained from this new formalism . for the @xmath215 and nucleon masses reported in section [ sec : sim_results ] ,
the masses were shown to be well fit by a linear dependence on the input quark mass , @xmath19 .
any possible non - linearities are not resolvable within our statistics . for the pion ,
the statistical errors for these values of @xmath19 are smaller and we have also run simulations at smaller values for @xmath19 so we might hope to learn more about this important quantity .
we begin by investigating the effects of topological near - zero modes on the pion .
we have seen that topological near - zero modes dominate @xmath20 for small @xmath19 and , by continuity , they will also alter the value for @xmath20 determined with larger quark masses . through the ward - takahashi identity , these modes also appear in the pion correlator , @xmath334 and therefore can enter in the determination of the pion mass in a lattice simulation .
alternatively , the axial - vector correlator can be used to measure the pion mass and the zero modes may affect this correlator differently . it is vital to understand the role of these topological near - zero modes , since a study of the chiral limit of @xmath41 depends on an accurate measurement of the mass of the pion state . in this section
we will study the way in which topological zero - modes might be expected to effect pion correlation functions for the continuum theory using our results as a guide to the study of the domain wall amplitudes . before proceeding ,
we first establish our notation for susceptibilities and the integrated ward - takahashi identity .
in general we define @xmath338 where @xmath168 and @xmath16 are any two hadronic interpolating fields . in particular @xmath339 where no sum over @xmath101 is intended and the factor of @xmath340 has been introduced to maintain consistency with our somewhat unconventional normalization for the chiral condensate given in eq .
[ eq : qbd_def ] .
then the ward - takahashi identity , eq .
[ eq : ward_tak_id ] , with @xmath341 and summed over @xmath38 becomes @xmath342 which we will refer to as the integrated ward - takahashi identity .
we first consider eq .
[ eq : int_ward_tak_id ] for large @xmath5 , where we should recover the continuum version of the identity . to simplify the presentation , we start with the notation of section [ sec : dwf_banks_casher ] for the continuum four - dimensional anti - hermitian dirac operator
. we immediately deduce from eq .
[ eq : int_ward_tak_id ] that a @xmath269 divergence in @xmath20 from topological zero modes dictates a @xmath343 divergence in @xmath344 .
in addition , @xmath344 should have a @xmath269 divergence for large volumes from the pion pole and , as we will see below , there can also be a @xmath269 pole from topological zero modes .
however , the volume dependence of these various pole terms should be different .
pole terms from topological near - zero modes should have a coefficient which is @xmath345 for large volumes , while the @xmath269 term from the pion pole should be volume independent , thus , we expect @xmath346 the coefficients @xmath347 and @xmath307 should become volume independent in the infinite volume limit . however , the `` pion pole '' piece , @xmath307 , may contain an additional @xmath348 term arising from zero modes .
note , a particular order of limits must be understood when interpreting eq .
[ eq : qbq_pole ] .
one expects that the usual relation @xmath349 will hold only when @xmath350 @xcite .
although this prevents our taking the @xmath351 limit of eq .
[ eq : qbq_pole ] , it is fully consistent with the domain @xmath352 where the @xmath343 term in eq .
[ eq : qbq_pole ] may be as large as or much larger than the conventional @xmath269 term coming from the pion .
for domain wall fermions at finite @xmath5 these pole terms will be rendered less singular by the presence of the @xmath288 terms in the eigenvalues for @xmath27 .
lattice measurements of the pion mass come from the exponential decay of a correlator like @xmath334 in the limit of large @xmath353 .
having examined the zero mode effect in the somewhat simpler susceptibilities , we will now investigate the topological zero mode contributions to two - point functions from their spectral decomposition to understand how zero modes can distort measurements of the pion mass .
we have @xmath354 \ , \right \rangle \\ & = & \left \langle \sum_{\lambda , \lambda^\prime } \frac { \psi_\lambda^\dagger(x ) \psi_{\lambda^\prime}(x ) \ ; \psi_{\lambda^\prime}^\dagger(0 ) \psi_\lambda(0 ) } { ( -i\lambda + m ) ( i \lambda^\prime + m ) } \right \rangle.\end{aligned}\ ] ] first we consider the terms in the sum where both @xmath260 and @xmath355 are zero .
this gives a @xmath343 pole in @xmath334 , provided the eigenfunctions in the numerator are non - zero at @xmath38 and 0 .
( integrating @xmath334 over @xmath38 shows that these topological near - zero modes give the @xmath343 contribution to @xmath344 . ) the terms in the sum where neither @xmath260 or @xmath355 are zero should include the small eigenvalues which are responsible for the goldstone nature of the pion . for large @xmath353 ,
the total contribution to @xmath334 from these modes should be proportional to @xmath356 ( integrating over @xmath38 gives another factor of @xmath149 in the denominator , which produces the @xmath269 pion pole in @xmath344 . )
lastly , the terms with either @xmath260 or @xmath355 zero , but not both , can be written as @xmath357 where @xmath358 is the chiral condensate measured without zero mode contributions .
here we have used the symmetries in eq .
[ eq : anti_herm_d4_evalues ] to combine the @xmath359 terms in the sum over @xmath260 and remove the term odd in @xmath360 . since @xmath358 should be non - zero as @xmath361 , we see that the contribution to the correlator from terms with zero modes in one of the propagators can produce at most a @xmath269 pole term in @xmath334 .
thus , we expect @xmath362 for small @xmath363 .
the first two terms represent the possible zero mode contributions .
it is important to note that @xmath364 gets contributions from the modulus squared of the zero - mode eigenfunctions at the points 0 and @xmath38 , while @xmath365 does not .
in particular , for a configuration with a single zero mode , @xmath364 is positive definite , being given by @xmath366 thus , one could expect @xmath364 to be a number of order the inverse of the mean zero - mode size squared , while @xmath365 could be much smaller due to the terms of differing sign appearing in the sum over eigenmodes . for large enough @xmath353 , only the true pion state should contribute .
such large @xmath353 requires a correspondingly large @xmath31 with the necessary suppression of zero modes .
however , at a fixed separation @xmath353 in a finite volume and for simulations with small enough @xmath363 , the physical pion contribution to @xmath334 can be completely negligible . for finite @xmath5 , the domain wall fermion spectral form , eq .
[ eq : dwf_corrpp_spec ] , gives the precise role of the topological near - zero modes .
the double sum over @xmath297 and @xmath367 decomposes as we have done above for @xmath368 and the dominant contribution of the topological near - zero modes enters as @xmath369 provided @xmath370 is well approximated by @xmath371 .
thus , for @xmath291 and @xmath288 small , there should be a region in @xmath19 where @xmath334 displays a @xmath372 character .
the pion mass can also be measured from the axial current correlator , @xmath144 .
the susceptibility for this correlator , @xmath373 , is not constrained by the integrated ward - takahashi identity as is @xmath344 .
however , there must be a pion pole contribution in addition to any zero mode terms .
therefore @xmath374 where we have used @xmath375 .
the physical pion contribution is independent of @xmath363 for small @xmath363 , which is to be compared with the @xmath269 contribution of the physical pion to @xmath344 .
we now turn to the question of the zero mode contribution .
once again we consider the @xmath323 case and use the notation for @xmath368 .
for the axial vector correlation function , the spectral decomposition is @xmath376 \
\right \rangle \\ & = & \left \langle \sum_{\lambda , \lambda^\prime } \frac { \psi_\lambda^\dagger(x ) \ , \gamma_0 \ ,
\psi_{\lambda^\prime}(x ) \ ; \psi_{\lambda^\prime}^\dagger(0 ) \ , \gamma_0 \ , \psi_\lambda(0 ) } { ( -i\lambda + m ) ( i \lambda^\prime + m ) } \right \rangle.\end{aligned}\ ] ] the terms in the sum where both @xmath260 and @xmath355 are zero modes vanish here , since the zero modes have a definite chirality and @xmath145 couples different chiral components .
( on a given configuration , all the exact zero modes must have the same chirality since exact zero modes can only occur through the index theorem . )
thus , there are no @xmath343 terms in @xmath144 .
note that a @xmath269 contribution to @xmath144 can appear from terms in the sum with either @xmath260 or @xmath355 a zero mode ( as we saw for @xmath334 ) .
the size of such a contribution depends on the matrix element of @xmath145 between eigenfunctions .
the terms with neither @xmath260 nor @xmath355 a zero mode give the physical pion contribution , which should have the form @xmath377 thus , we expect that @xmath378 with other possible subleading terms from topological zero modes . as for the coefficient @xmath365 in @xmath334 ,
the coefficient @xmath379 above involves matrix elements between different eigenfunctions and could be quite small from cancellations .
thus , even though in @xmath144 , the physical pion contribution can still be @xmath380 smaller than the zero mode contribution , the effects of zero modes in this correlator are likely suppressed by the smaller coefficient @xmath379 .
to finish our discussion of the topological zero modes in correlators , we now examine the spectral form of @xmath147 , where the @xmath172 subscript means that we only consider the connected part of the correlator .
we find @xmath381 since zero modes are eigenfunctions of @xmath148 , their contribution to the @xmath343 and @xmath269 terms in @xmath334 and @xmath382 are equal .
thus , we have @xmath383 for small @xmath363 . by considering @xmath384
, we obtain a two point function with no zero mode effects , but which contains both the physical pion and a heavier state from @xmath147 .
thus , to reduce the effects of topological near - zero modes in this way requires that one works with correlators where the heavy mass @xmath385 state is present . to summarize this section ,
we have seen how the topological near - zero modes for domain wall fermions should enter the correlators which are used to determine the pion mass . for @xmath334
, there must be a @xmath372 contribution from near - zero modes , compared with the @xmath386 contribution expected from the physical pion .
for @xmath144 , the topological near - zero modes can contribute a term of order @xmath36 , while the physical pion should produce a @xmath387 contribution .
however , the coefficient of the @xmath36 term can be small .
we also have pointed out that the volume dependence of the contribution of the topological near - zero modes to the correlator is different from the contribution due to the modes responsible for chiral symmetry breaking in qcd so that the zero - mode effects should vanish as the space - time volume increases .
the above discussion explicitly addresses the behavior to be found in a chiral theory .
thus , it will apply to the domain wall theory in the limit @xmath388 .
we might expect two sorts of modified behavior for a theory with finite @xmath5 .
first , the chiral properties of the exact zero modes which eliminate the most singular terms from the @xmath144 and @xmath389 will no longer be exact for finite @xmath5 allowing more singular terms suppressed exponentially in @xmath5 to appear .
second the zero - mode singularities themselves may be softened by additional mass contributions to the denominators .
we now turn to the results of our simulations .
the first detailed studies of @xmath41 as @xmath33 , done on @xmath42 lattices with @xmath299 and a variety of values of @xmath5 , showed that @xmath390 was not decreasing exponentially to zero as @xmath93 , but rather seemed to be approaching a constant value of @xmath391 mev @xcite .
the pion mass was extracted from @xmath334 and the resulting @xmath41 versus @xmath19 showed noticeable curvature for the quark masses used , which were in the range @xmath392 .
therefore , the extrapolation to @xmath133 was done using only the three lightest quark masses : 0.02 , 0.06 and 0.10 .
figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_ls_b5.7 ] updates the earlier graph in @xcite with more data at @xmath43 and a new point at @xmath393 .
the additional data does show a behavior that is more consistent with a monotonic decrease of @xmath390 with increasing @xmath5 that than seen in our earlier study @xcite .
however , the dependence on @xmath5 shown in fig .
[ fig : mpi2_vs_ls_b5.7 ] still can not be described by a single falling exponential and , for large @xmath5 is falling quite slowly . in this section
we will probe this issue and others related to the chiral limit , using information from our simulations at both @xmath299 and 6.0 for many values of @xmath19 and @xmath5 .
figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] shows results for @xmath41 versus @xmath19 for @xmath42 lattices at @xmath299 with @xmath394 , including results for @xmath296 .
the pion mass is extracted from three different correlators : @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath395 . for @xmath396 ,
the pion masses extracted from the different correlators are in good agreement . as @xmath397 the masses begin to disagree , presumably due to the differing contributions of the topological near - zero modes to each correlator .
table [ tab : mpi_mf_small ] gives our fitted pion masses for @xmath398 .
while the different correlators generally have reasonable values for @xmath236 the fitted masses disagree substantially . for large enough separation of the interpolating operators , the three correlators should give the same mass .
however , we can not take this large separation limit in our finite volume .
the results in table [ tab : mpi_mf_small ] are the apparent masses as determined from fitting to the correlators for finite separation of the interpolating operators .
the lines drawn in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] are from correlated linear fits to @xmath41 using @xmath399 to 0.1 .
the dotted line is for @xmath41 from @xmath334 , the solid line for @xmath144 and the dashed line for @xmath389 .
the fit results are @xmath400 for @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath389 respectively .
note for large mass , @xmath401 , @xmath389 gives a mass that is systematically higher than that implied by the other two correlators , likely due to contamination from heavy states present in @xmath147 .
figure [ fig : mpi_effm_b5_7_8nt32_ls48_m0.0 ] shows the pion effective mass from the three different correlators for @xmath42 lattices at @xmath299 with @xmath43 and @xmath296 .
reasonable plateaus are present in @xmath144 and @xmath334 , although the value for the effective mass is markedly different .
the @xmath384 effective mass becomes very small for intermediate values of @xmath174 .
figure [ fig : mpi_effm_b5_7_8nt32_ls48_m0.04 ] is a similar plot , except for @xmath402 . here
the effective mass plots show nice plateaus and consistent results .
this supports the presence of topological near - zero modes affecting the various correlators in different ways and provides an example where nice plateaus do not assure a correct asymptotic result . as a final step in demonstrating the zero mode effects in the various correlators , in figure [
fig : corr_evol_b5_7_8nt32_ls48_m0_0 ] the evolution of @xmath334 , @xmath147 and @xmath144 is shown for @xmath245 lattices at @xmath299 with @xmath43 and @xmath296 .
these correlators are from a point source to a point sink and the zero spatial momentum component is taken for the sink .
the sink is at a separation @xmath403 from the source .
the correlators @xmath334 and @xmath382 show very large fluctuations , which are common to both correlators , showing the presence of topological near - zero modes .
these large fluctuations are clearly dominating the ensemble average for the correlators at this separation , @xmath403 .
the @xmath144 correlator does not show large fluctuations where @xmath334 and @xmath147 do , making the topological near zero mode effects smaller for this correlator , as expected from the theoretical discussion of the previous subsection .
figure [ fig : corr_evol_b5_7_8nt32_ls48_m0_04 ] is a similar plot , for the same configurations , except with @xmath404 .
there is no evidence for a large role being played by the topological near - zero modes .
similar results have been obtained for simulations on @xmath2 lattices at @xmath47 with @xmath204 .
these lattices have essentially the same spatial volume , in physical units , as the previous @xmath42 , @xmath299 lattices since the lattice spacing is half that for @xmath299 .
figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b6_0_16nt32_ls16 ] shows @xmath41 for @xmath144 , @xmath334 and @xmath389 . for the smallest @xmath19 points , 0.0 and 0.001 , all three correlators give different results . for larger values of @xmath19 , the pion mass from @xmath144 and @xmath334
agree , while the @xmath389 pion mass is systematically high , likely due to the contribution of the heavy states in @xmath147 .
the lines drawn in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b6_0_16nt32_ls16 ] are from correlated linear fits to @xmath41 using @xmath203 to 0.04 .
the dotted line is for @xmath41 from @xmath334 , the solid line for @xmath144 and the dashed line for @xmath389 .
the fit results are @xmath405 for @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath389 respectively .
figure [ fig : mpi_effm_b6_0_16nt32_ls16_m0.001 ] shows effective mass plots for the pion from the three correlators for @xmath406 and figure [ fig : mpi_effm_b6_0_16nt32_ls16_m0.01 ] is for @xmath203 .
both figures show reasonable plateaus , even though there are differences in the final fitted masses . we have also studied the evolution of the correlators at a fixed @xmath174 for these @xmath47 lattices and see clear topological near - zero mode effects as were seen at @xmath299 .
thus , investigating the chiral limit of domain wall fermions in quenched qcd by measuring the pion mass is made difficult by the presence of topological near - zero modes .
one component in the somewhat large values of @xmath12 plotted in fig . [ fig : mpi2_vs_ls_b5.7 ] is the effect of topological near zero modes . as can be seen by a comparison with table [ tab : extrap_832_b5_7 ] the results we find from the correlator @xmath144 for @xmath407
are about 1 1/2 standard deviations lower for @xmath199 and @xmath408 .
this is likely a systematic bias caused by the greater influence of the topological near - zero modes on the @xmath334 correlator .
unfortunately , these effects may also enter in the other correlators that can give @xmath149 , at least for the source - sink time separations currently accessible . with this large distortion due to the topological near - zero modes , there
we can not determine the chiral limit by extrapolating to the point where @xmath41 vanishes .
subtler finite volume effects and possible quenched chiral logarithms are completely overshadowed by the singular nature of the basic quark propagators for small @xmath19 . in many ways ,
the presence of these topological near - zero modes is a welcome change from other lattice fermion formulations because they are a vital part of the spectrum of any continuum dirac operator .
however , in order to further investigate the chiral limit , they must be removed , or at least suppressed . without adding the fermionic determinant to the path integral , we can suppress the effect of topological near - zero modes by going to large volumes .
having seen clear evidence for topological near - zero modes in the measurements of the pion mass for lattices with a physical size of @xmath409 fermi , we have worked on a larger physical volume , @xmath410 fermi , to suppress the effects of these modes . as we saw in section
[ sec : zero_modes_qbq ] from studying @xmath20 , the effects of the topological near - zero modes were dramatically reduced for larger volumes . here
we present results for the pion mass from simulating with @xmath2 lattices at @xmath299 and @xmath43 .
figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] shows @xmath41 plotted against @xmath19 for these runs .
in contrast to the smaller volume @xmath245 result shown in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] , all three correlators now give the same results for the pion mass , within statistics ( table [ tab : mpi_mf_small ] ) .
the larger volume has clearly reduced the effects of the zero modes .
further evidence of the consistency of the mass from the three correlators is shown in figure [ fig : mpi_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_dev ] . here
, for each @xmath19 , the average value of @xmath149 is calculated and then the deviation from that average , for each correlator , is plotted . for each @xmath19 ,
@xmath144 is offset to the left and the @xmath389 to the right for clarity .
[ fig : mpi_effm_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_m0.0 ] shows the effective mass from each of the three correlators for @xmath44 .
in contrast to the smaller volume case , the effective masses have quite similar values and lead to the same fitted mass , within errors . as a last comparison with the small volume , figure [ fig : corr_evol_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_m0_0 ] shows the three correlators at a time separation of @xmath403 as a function of configuration number .
little if any effect of topological near - zero modes is seen .
thus , we conclude that this larger volume has suppressed these effects as expected .
having established that a consistent pion mass can be determined from our fitting range , we discuss the result of linear fits of @xmath41 as a function of @xmath19 .
we have done correlated linear fits of @xmath41 to @xmath19 for each of the correlators , using a variety of different ranges for @xmath19 in the fit .
the resulting @xmath223 per degree of freedom is shown in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_chisq ] , including the jackknife error on the @xmath223 .
( the plotted error bars are the @xmath411 errors from the jackknife procedure and do not mean that @xmath223 can become negative . ) the pion propagator for @xmath296 and 0.04 was measured on the same set of configurations , with some of the @xmath412 propagators also measured on those configurations .
the @xmath399 , 0.06 and 0.10 points were all measured on the same configurations , along with the remaining 0.08 propagators .
thus , these points are less correlated in @xmath19 than the corresponding measurements on the smaller volumes .
now let us discuss the quality of these fits .
given the significant upward curvature of @xmath12 for @xmath413 , seen for example in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] , we limit the mass range to @xmath414 . if we do not include the lightest masses and fit the points with @xmath415 , as shown in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_chisq ] we obtain acceptable values for @xmath223 per degree of freedom for all three correlators . specifically using the mass range @xmath399 to 0.08
, the fits to @xmath41 from the correlators @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath389 are @xmath416 however , given our confidence that this larger @xmath254 volume permits the reliable calculation of the pion mass for smaller values of @xmath149 we can also attempt a linear fit in the entire range @xmath417 . for this mass range , we find @xmath418 for the correlators @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath389 respectively .
the @xmath144 and @xmath389 fits suggest that @xmath12 is not linear in this mass range . while the @xmath334 fit is acceptable , as can be seen from a careful examination of figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] , this acceptable fit comes because the @xmath247 point lies somewhat below while the @xmath243 lies somewhat above the masses obtained from the other two correlators .
since the smaller volume studies suggest that the @xmath334 correlator is most sensitive to zero modes and such an upturn for small mass is the effect of zero modes seen at smaller volume , this could easily be a remaining zero mode distortion .
it is difficult to draw a firm conclusion from the relatively large correlated @xmath223/dof presented in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_pp_fit ] . as is indicated by the errors shown ,
these @xmath223/dof are not reliably known . however , the comparison of the @xmath223/dof between eqs .
[ eq : large_vol_0.02_0.08_fit ] and [ eq : large_vol_pp_fit ] may be more meaningful .
we attribute significant weight to the fact that the lightest @xmath44 point lies below the value predicted by a linear extrapolation from larger masses as can be easily seen in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] .
we conclude that a linear fit does not well represent our data over the full mass range @xmath296 to 0.1 . of course
, non - linearities for larger masses can come from a variety of sources including terms from the naive analytic expansion in powers of @xmath19 .
however , for small @xmath19 , linearity is expected for large volumes in full qcd . in contrast , in the quenched approximation the absence of the fermion determinant may result in complex and more singular infrared behavior .
for example , it has been argued that a quenched chiral logarithm can appear in @xmath41 versus @xmath19 for quenched qcd @xcite .
the results just presented may be evidence for some non - linear behavior of this sort .
because of the poor linear fits found for small @xmath19 , our data does not allow a determination of the location of the chiral limit for quenched domain wall fermions by a simple extrapolation of @xmath41 .
even with the suppression of topological near - zero mode effects that has been achieved by going to larger volume , further theoretical input may needed if we are to deduce @xmath4 from these measurements of @xmath12 . in the next section
we will discuss our determination of the location of the chiral limit using other techniques and then return to the question of the behavior of @xmath41 with @xmath19 .
in this section , we discuss our determination of @xmath4 using the low - momentum identity in eq .
[ eq : mres ] .
this can done by calculating the ratio @xmath419 as a function of @xmath174 ( no sum on @xmath101 ) , where @xmath420 is a source evaluated at @xmath186 but possibly extended in spatial position .
this ratio was first used to determine @xmath4 in ref .
@xcite and later in refs .
our results are consistent with this earlier work , but a much more detailed study is undertaken here . for @xmath174 outside some short - distance region , @xmath421 , @xmath422 should be simply equal to @xmath4 . using @xmath422 for very large
@xmath174 gives @xmath4 as the coupling of the pion to the mid - point pseudoscalar density divided by its coupling to the wall pseudoscalar density .
of course , @xmath4 is an additive contribution to the effective quark mass at low energies which effects all low - energy physics , not just the pion . to understand how large @xmath174 must be ,
figure [ fig : mres_plateau ] shows a typical good plateau and a poor one .
results are shown for @xmath423 lattices with @xmath424 and @xmath3 for @xmath300 and 48 .
the good plateau is obtained from 335 configurations for @xmath9 , while the poor plateau is obtained from 184 configurations for @xmath199 . the fewer measurements for @xmath300
likely is the cause for the upturn in the data at large @xmath174 and adding more configurations at this @xmath5 should improve the signal . from observing the onset of the plateaus in our data
, we calculate @xmath4 from the ratio in eq .
[ eq : mres_ratio ] using the range @xmath425 for @xmath3 , @xmath426 for @xmath157 , and @xmath427 for @xmath6 .
the jackknife method is used to measure the statistical uncertainty and our @xmath4 results at @xmath428 and @xmath429 are listed in tables [ tab : m_res_b6_0 ] and [ tab : m_res_b5_7 ] . for most data sets ,
nice plateaus can be seen over the selected range , while for the few others with the poor plateaus , using a different range could change the results by @xmath430 .
we have also measured @xmath4 for different values of @xmath19 for @xmath3 on @xmath2 lattices with @xmath43 .
table [ tab : m_res_b5_7 ] gives the results and shows that the residual mass has little dependence on the input quark mass , reflecting the expected universal character of @xmath4 .
our @xmath6 results for @xmath4 appear to be a consistent extension of the values plotted in figure 5 of ref .
@xcite for @xmath431 , 6 and 10 .
the @xmath5 dependence of @xmath4 is of vital importance to numerical simulations with domain wall fermions . without the effects of topological near - zero modes , quenched chiral logs and finite volume
, @xmath390 should be proportional to @xmath4 and should vanish with @xmath4 as @xmath93 .
however , in section [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] we discussed how topological near - zero mode effects alter @xmath334 and can distort the value of @xmath390 for large @xmath5 shown in figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_ls_b5.7 ] . by measuring the ratio in eq .
[ eq : mres_ratio ] , we can determine @xmath4 for non - zero @xmath19 and suppress all these effects which make the @xmath33 limit problematic .
this allows us to study the @xmath5 dependence of @xmath4 , to which we now turn . from the two values of @xmath5 shown in figure [ fig : mres_plateau ] ,
we see that the residual mass for @xmath42 lattices at @xmath3 falls from @xmath432 to @xmath433 as @xmath5 is increased from @xmath434 to @xmath408 .
this is in sharp contrast to the almost identical results for @xmath435 at these two values for @xmath5 ( figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_ls_b5.7 ] ) .
the overlap of the surface states is significantly suppressed , as expected , even at this relatively strong coupling .
we have not pursued the asymptotic behavior for large @xmath5 at @xmath299 , due to the large values for @xmath5 required , but instead have studied this question for @xmath47 .
figure [ fig : mres_vs_ls_b6_0 ] shows a similar study of the @xmath5 dependence of the residual mass for @xmath2 lattices with @xmath247 and @xmath47 .
the number of configurations used is modest for the larger values of @xmath5 .
we have used the factor @xmath436 obtained by a combination of non - perturbative renormalization and standard perturbation theory @xcite to convert the plotted values of @xmath4 into mev .
the value of @xmath4 is decreasing with @xmath5 for all values of @xmath5 , but is poorly fit by a simple exponential .
in particular , an exponential fit using all values of @xmath5 gives @xmath437 which clearly does not match the measured values .
adding a constant to the fit gives @xmath438 where again all values for @xmath5 were used .
even if this is the correct asymptotic form , the value of @xmath4 for @xmath439 is very small , 1 mev .
we have also tried fitting the largest three @xmath5 points to a simple exponential and find @xmath440 our data is consistent with the residual mixing vanishing exponentially as @xmath93 , but the 0.032 coefficient in the exponent of eq .
[ eq : mres_exp_large_ls ] is quite small .
of course , we can easily obtain an excellent fit to our five points if we include a second exponential .
for example , as shown in the figure , the five points fit well to two - exponential function @xmath441 our measurements do not demonstrate a precise asymptotic form for @xmath4 as a function of @xmath5 .
however , we do see @xmath4 decreasing for large @xmath5 until , for @xmath49 , it has become so small as to be essentially negligible for current numerical work . for @xmath299 at @xmath5 = 48 , @xmath4 is @xmath442 in units of the strange quark mass , while for @xmath47 at @xmath204 it is @xmath443 . in the latter case ,
where we know the renormalization factors , @xmath4 in the @xmath444 scheme at 2 gev is 3.87(16 ) mev .
thus , even though more simulations will be needed to get the precise asymptotic form , we find domain wall fermions having the expected chiral properties for large @xmath5 , even for lattice spacings of around 1 fermi . in the next subsection , we will use the values of @xmath4 that have just been determined to investigate further the @xmath19 dependence of @xmath12 , looking in particular at possible non - linear behavior as @xmath336 . here
we would like to discuss a simpler consistency check on the values of @xmath4 just obtained . for the @xmath214 , @xmath215 and nucleon we have established good linear @xmath19 behavior for larger values of @xmath19 with slopes and intercepts given in tables [ tab : extrap_832_b5_7 ] and [ tab : extrap_1632_b5_7 ] .
if the only effect on these masses of changing @xmath5 is to change the effective quark mass through the corresponding change in @xmath4 , then we should be able to relate the the differences in the intercepts given in these tables to the product of the corresponding slope times the change in @xmath4 given in tables [ tab : m_res_b6_0 ] and [ tab : m_res_b5_7 ] . while this comparison shows no inconsistencies , the errors in the intercepts are typically too large to permit a detailed confirmation .
for example , the difference in intercepts for @xmath12 at @xmath6 between @xmath7 and 24 is 0.0004(30 ) while the difference predicted from the slope and the measured change in @xmath4 is 0.0020(2 ) .
the best test of this sort can be made using the actual value for @xmath149 determined at @xmath3 and @xmath424 for @xmath199 and 48 . here
the difference of the masses squared is 0.012(6 ) while the prediction from the slope and change in @xmath4 is 0.0176(12 ) .
thus , we can demonstrate consistency with the expected behavior but can not make a definitive test . the definition of @xmath4 and its measurement mean that we have determined the value of @xmath19 for which the pion should become massless if the domain wall method is successfully representing the chiral limit of the underlying theory .
we can now return to the question of the dependence of @xmath41 on @xmath19 , starting with the @xmath445 simulations at @xmath299 and @xmath43 .
recalling figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] , we found that the larger volume gave consistent pion mass measurements from the three correlators , but @xmath41 was not well fit as a linear function of @xmath19 for two of the correlators if the @xmath296 point was included . in figure
[ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_mres ] , we have included the value of @xmath4 ( the starred point ) as measured from eq.[eq : mres_ratio ] .
( its error bar on the horizontal axis is a vertical line on this scale . )
the solid line is the fit to the @xmath144 correlator for @xmath399 to 0.08 given in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_0.02_0.08_fit ] while the dotted line is for the @xmath334 correlator for @xmath296 to 0.08 as given in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_pp_fit ] .
thus , we see that linear fits poorly represent the data when the @xmath296 point is included for the @xmath144 and @xmath389 case and fail for all three correlators when the pion mass is required to vanish at @xmath325 .
we can make this conclusion more quantitative by comparing our accurate value for @xmath446 at @xmath9 determined on an @xmath159 lattice with the naive linear extrapolation of @xmath447 to the point @xmath448 . using the most reliable linear fits obtained by excluding the @xmath44 point in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_0.02_0.08_fit ] we obtain the @xmath38-intercept values shown in table [ tab : q_chiral_log ] : -0.0092(12 ) , -0.0108(7 ) and -0.0104(7 ) for the @xmath334 , @xmath144 and @xmath389 correlators respectively .
these differ from this value of @xmath4 by @xmath449 and 2 , 5 and 6 standard deviations respectively .
we conclude that there is a significant discrepancy between the @xmath19-dependence of these @xmath149 results and the hypothesis that @xmath450 .
however , notice that if the @xmath44 points are included in the linear fits , and the less accurate @xmath4 from the same volume is used , this discrepancy can be reduced . for example , a linear fit to the data from the @xmath334 correlator in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_pp_fit ] has an intercept at -0.0088(5 ) while @xmath451 on the same volume .
we believe that such an interpretation should be discounted as failing to exploit all the available information .
is this significant discrepancy caused by essential non - linearities in the quenched approximation or by a breakdown of the domain wall method , for example , large @xmath46 effects ?
we can address this question by making a similar comparison for @xmath6 where @xmath46 effects should be significantly reduced .
since we have not investigated a large volume at this weaker coupling , we propose to examine the @xmath144 correlator because reduced zero - mode effects were seen for this correlator in our @xmath3 studies .
using the three lightest masses we find @xmath38-intercepts of -0.0031(7 ) and -0.0030(9 ) for the @xmath7 and 24 cases respectively .
again , these are dramatically farther from the origin than the corresponding values of @xmath452 and 0.00059(4 ) .
these are each three standard deviation effects .
however , they are obtained on independent configurations and together can be viewed as a 6 standard deviation discrepancy .
thus , if possible finite - volume difficulties are ignored , we have again strong evidence for a discrepancy . rather than decreasing by a factor of four as would be expected from an @xmath46 error , this fractional discrepancy is substantially larger in this @xmath6 comparison .
thus , it is natural to conclude that domain wall fermions are accurately representing the chiral behavior of quenched qcd . at the beginning of section [ sec : chiral_m_pi ] we listed possible systematic effects influencing the chiral limit for @xmath149 . with a measurement of @xmath4
we have quantified the role of finite @xmath5 and with the larger volume used for @xmath299 we have reduced , if not eliminated the topological near - zero modes .
we should also have minimized other finite volume distortions of the density of eigenvalues , which also influence the pion mass .
finally with the comparison above , we have examined the possibility of @xmath46 errors .
thus , we now address the question of quenched chiral logarithms .
predictions of this particular pathology of quenched simulations were made some time ago .
there is certainly much data indicating possible support for the predictions , but there is disagreement about its conclusiveness , see for example refs . @xcite . since
many other effects must be removed before these subtle logarithms are convincingly seen , it is a challenging numerical issue .
the natural first place to look for quenched chiral logarithm effects is in @xmath149 , but this is difficult for wilson fermions , where the chiral point is not crisply defined for finite lattice spacing . for staggered fermions , where the chiral limit occurs when the input quark mass is zero , the issue is complicated by the presence of only a single goldstone pion . in some respects ,
domain wall fermions are an ideal place to look for these effects , except that the statistical resolution needed is difficult to achieve with the additional computational load of the fifth dimension .
in addition , the topological near - zero modes are a much larger quenched pathology at moderate volumes .
as one way of probing the non - linearity in @xmath41 versus @xmath19 , we have fitted our data for @xmath41 for @xmath2 lattices at @xmath299 and @xmath43 to the form @xcite @xmath453 and the results are given in table [ tab : q_chiral_log ] .
the fit yields a value for the residual mass ( the parameter @xmath309 above ) and the results are quite close to those measured from the ratio of eq .
[ eq : mres_ratio ] .
figure [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_16nt32_ls48_log ] shows the result from fitting @xmath144 for @xmath296 to 0.08 to the quenched chiral logarithm form given in eq .
[ eq : q_chiral_log ] .
we have excluded the larger values of @xmath19 from our fits , since higher order terms are needed in eq .
[ eq : q_chiral_log ] to accommodate the upward curvature of our @xmath41 data .
while the @xmath223/dof for the logarithmic fit is only marginally better than those obtained for the simple linear fits described earlier in eq .
[ eq : large_vol_pp_fit ] for this same mass range , the ability of the logarithmic fit to predict the appropriate @xmath4 value is significant . for the simulations at smaller physical volumes , @xmath42 at @xmath299 and @xmath2 at @xmath47 ,
the values for @xmath4 measured from eq .
[ eq : mres_ratio ] are generally smaller than the @xmath38 intercepts for the linear fits shown in figures [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] and [ fig : mpi2_vs_mf_b6_0_16nt32_ls16 ] .
this indicates curvature in the direction given by a chiral logarithm , but the other phenomena that may be affecting these chiral limits make quantitative analysis ambiguous .
we note that @xmath41 from @xmath389 seems to smoothly curve towards the value of @xmath4 from the previous subsection .
however , we are not sufficiently certain of the absence of zero mode effects in the @xmath389 correlator to describe a logarithmic fit to these cases .
this nice agreement between the values of @xmath4 determined from the location of the @xmath448 point in these fits and that computed by other means earlier in the paper implies consistency between our results and the logarithmic form of eq .
[ eq : q_chiral_log ] .
of course , other non - linear terms could be used to explain this curvature and , given our statistics , would provide an equally consistent description of our data .
however , our most important conclusion is not related to quenched chiral logarithms , but rather to having seen all the expected properties for the chiral limit with domain wall fermions .
once the topological near - zero mode effects are reduced or eliminated , consistent pion masses can be measured .
a precise measurement of @xmath4 is consistent with our @xmath41 versus @xmath19 dependence if , for example , a chiral logarithm term is included . in short
, domain wall fermions are showing sensible chiral properties , even on lattices with a lattice spacing of @xmath454 fermi .
we have chosen not to pursue an additional method of determining @xmath4 that has been proposed in two of our previous publications @xcite . in that method
, one examines the integrated ward - takahashi identity in eq .
[ eq : int_ward_tak_id ] and uses the location of the pion pole in @xmath344 to determine @xmath4 . while this technique should be reliable for dynamical fermion calculations , _
e.g. _ as used in ref @xcite , it does not explicitly allow for the effects of topological near - zero modes or possible non - linear behavior of @xmath447 that we have found to be important in the quenched approximation .
thus , even though this method gave a result for @xmath3 quite close @xcite to the @xmath9 value @xmath455 presented in this paper , more analysis is needed to adequately justify its use in this quenched case .
a comparison of the approximate form of the banks - casher relation for domain wall fermions given in eq .
[ eq : dwf_banks_casher ] with the usual 4-dimensional expression in eq .
[ eq : banks_casher ] suggests a close relationship between the parameter @xmath292 deduced from the @xmath456 eigenvalue @xmath332 of @xmath27 and the residual mass @xmath4 . in this section
we will explore this relation further making use of an exploratory study of the low - lying spectrum of @xmath27 @xcite .
these eigenvalues were calculated for 32 configurations obtained at @xmath6 on a @xmath457 lattice with @xmath7 listed in table [ tab : run_parameters_hb ] and beginning with an equilibrated configuration from an earlier run .
we used the kalkreuter - simma @xcite method to find the 19 lowest eigenvalues on each configuration .
we apply this method to the positive matrix @xmath458 , and then determine the eigenvectors and eigenvalues of @xmath27 by a final explicit diagonalization of @xmath27 in the subspace of the eigenvectors of @xmath458 just determined .
the details of our application of this method and a more complete description of these results will be presented in a later publication @xcite . while this method determines both the eigenvalues and eigenvectors , we have chosen to examine only the @xmath65-dependent , four - dimensional inner products : @xmath459 where the indices @xmath460 run over all of the 19 eigenvalues while @xmath461 and @xmath462 are the left and right spin projection operators defined above eq .
[ eq : axial_cc ] . in order to be able to make use of the mass dependence of the eigenvalues , we have repeated the calculation of @xmath463 and @xmath464 five times on each configuration for the five different mass values @xmath243 , 0.0025 , 0.005 , 0.0075 and 0.001 . here
we will describe some of the overall features of this calculation and then examine more closely the relation between the parameters @xmath292 and the value of @xmath4 determined earlier in this paper .
first we examine the diagonal elements of the matrix @xmath465 @xmath466 this is the contribution to the norm of the 5-dimensional wave function from the 4-dimensional hyperplane with a specific value of @xmath65 .
for these low lying eigenvalues , we expect that this norm should be concentrated on the @xmath69 and @xmath131 walls , which we find to be true to good accuracy .
for the entire group of @xmath467 eigenvectors computed , the ratio of the sum of the norm on the two walls to the minimum value of this norm between the walls was always greater than 34 , @xmath468 .
the median value for this ratio was 744 .
thus , the general framework upon which the domain wall formalism rests appears approximately valid . as a test of our method for determining the eigenvectors
, we evaluate the left- and right - hand side of the symmetry relation , eq .
[ eq : sym_constraint ] , between pairs of eigenvectors on a given configuration .
the resulting equality : @xmath469 provides a good test of our diagonalization procedure .
the vectors @xmath470 needed to evaluate this expression are eigenvectors of the dirac operator @xmath27 , not @xmath458 .
we determine the eigenvectors of @xmath27 by diagonalization within the 19-dimensional subspace found by applying the kalkreuter - simma method to @xmath458 . in the event that
the @xmath471 and @xmath472 eigenvalues of @xmath458 are nearly degenerate ( not entirely unlikely given the expectation that the eigenvalues of @xmath27 occur in @xmath473 pairs ) , this truncated , 19-dimensional subspace will not be spanned by eigenvectors of @xmath27 .
it will contain 18 valid eigenvectors and a @xmath471 vector , orthogonal to the rest but not an eigenvector of @xmath27 .
this `` spurious '' eigenvector can be reliably removed since it will give an `` eigenvalue '' whose square does not agree with any found for @xmath458 .
we remove such eigenvectors from our test of eq .
[ eq : ks_test ] and , for uniformity , the @xmath471 eigenvector in the case that no spurious eigenvector occurs .
there are then @xmath474 instances where we can check @xmath475 independent elements of eq .
[ eq : ks_test ] .
we find that 95% of these 51,840 comparisons have a fractional error below 5% .
the few cases with significantly worse agreement , result from infrequent near degeneracies which challenge the rayleigh - ritz method on which the kalkreuter - simma algorithm is based . for most configurations there
are easily identified zero modes .
typically the few lowest eigenvalues have eigenvectors all of which are bound to the same wall , either @xmath69 or @xmath131 .
the corresponding matrix elements @xmath476 all have the same sign and are within a few percent of 1 , showing precisely the structure expected in a four - dimensional theory as summarized in eq .
[ eq : anti_herm_d4_evalues ] .
the potential of the domain wall method is nicely displayed by examining the properties of one of our better configurations . in fig
[ fig : lego_3_134_19 ] , we show the magnitude of the elements of the matrix @xmath477 in a three - dimensional plot .
note the five zero - modes in this configuration are easily recognized .
each has a diagonal matrix element of @xmath478 within 1.5% of 1 and matrix elements with other vectors all of magnitude below 0.06 .
the values of @xmath291 for these five eigenvalues all lie in magnitude below @xmath479 while the remaining paired eigenvalues lie between 0.028 and 0.093 . in figures [ fig : evector_0_1_vs_s_b6_0_16nt16 ] and [ fig : evector_5_6_vs_s_b6_0_16nt16 ] we show the @xmath65-dependence of the first two zero - modes and the first pair of non - zero eigenvectors , numbers 5 and 6 .
one sees precisely the expected behavior .
both zero - modes are bound to the same wall ( as are the other three zero modes ) while the two paired non - zero modes are nearly symmetrical between right and left .
this is clearly identified as a configuration with topological charge @xmath480 . of direct interest in this section
is the mass dependence of @xmath481 and a quadratic fit of the sort proposed in eq .
[ eq : dherm_lambda_vs_mf ] . for the small masses we have used
, this quadratic form provides an excellent fit , after some re - sorting of eigenvalues is performed to account for infrequent level crossings as @xmath19 is varied . in order to avoid the possibility that these level crossings may have pushed a needed eigenvalue up to beyond number 19
, we have excluded those quadratic fits which contain the largest eigenvalue at @xmath44 for each of the 32 configurations .
the resulting root - mean - square of the fractional differences between the left- and right - hand sides of eq .
[ eq : dherm_lambda_vs_mf ] is very small .
the average root - mean - square of the fractional difference is @xmath482 while the largest value is @xmath483 . in figure
[ fig : deltam_hist ] we present a histogram of the distribution of fit parameters for the @xmath484 , @xmath292 values that we obtain .
the majority of values are quite small , very much on the order of @xmath4 .
while a few larger values of @xmath292 are seen ( the largest is 0.0660 ) , the median of the distribution is @xmath485 which is remarkably close to the value of @xmath486 found earlier for this value of @xmath253 and @xmath5 . the 4-dimensional expression for @xmath487 in eq . [ eq : banks_casher ] and the 5-dimensional result in eq . [ eq : dwf_banks_casher ] as a function of @xmath488 must agree in the continuum limit after a rescaling and overall subtraction .
this must be true even if @xmath4 is held fixed in physical units as @xmath489 .
therefore , in the limit of zero lattice spacing , the histogram shown in figure [ fig : deltam_hist ] must approach a delta function so that @xmath292 has the unique value @xmath4 .
thus , we might interpret the width of the distribution in figure [ fig : deltam_hist ] as a result of @xmath46 effects .
the large size of the fluctuations relative to the central value is presumably a result of the small central value produced by our quite large separation of 16 between the walls .
we can now use the results of the previous sections to compute a variety of hadronic properties . in this section
we will discuss two topics : the evaluation of the pion decay constant @xmath13 and the scaling properties of the nucleon to @xmath215 mass ratio .
the first topic is of greatest interest since we can compute the pion decay constant using two independent methods , one of which depends directly on the residual mass determined in section [ sec : m_res ] . the close agreement between these two approaches
provides a very important consistency check of the analysis and results presented in this paper . in the conventional continuum formulation ,
the pion decay constant @xmath13 is defined through the equation @xmath490 where the fields @xmath491 and @xmath492 are interpreted as conventional , hilbert space quark operators and the pion state obeys the non - covariant normalization @xmath493 . to be concrete
we adopt the minkowski metric @xmath494 with signature @xmath495 and a minkowski gamma matrix convention in which @xmath496 is anti - hermitian and @xmath497 . with this normalization , @xmath498 mev . following the usual methods of lattice gauge theory , we evaluate matrix elements of the two - quark operator appearing in eq . [ eq : f_pi_cont ] with the euclidean time dependence resulting from use of the evolution operator @xmath499 where @xmath500 is the qcd hamiltonian .
thus , we choose to evaluate @xmath501 where no sum over the flavor index @xmath101 is intended and the time @xmath174 is assumed sufficiently large that only the pion intermediate state contributes .
the continuum operators in eq .
[ eq : euclid_cont ] are easily represented as lattice , euclidean - space expressions once the usual transition to a euclidean - space path integral has been performed . in particular , the operators @xmath502 and @xmath503 are replaced by the grassmann variables @xmath504 and @xmath505 respectively .
thus , we extract @xmath506 from the usual euclidean correlation function : @xmath507 where now euclidean gamma matrices appear , obeying @xmath508 . here
we have introduced the grassmann variables @xmath509 and @xmath510 defined earlier in this paper so the axial current appearing in eq .
[ eq : euclid_lat_aa ] is explicitly constructed from the five - dimensional quark fields @xmath121 and @xmath511 restricted to the @xmath69 and @xmath131 walls .
this `` local '' current , @xmath512 is not conserved in the full five - dimensional theory so the factor @xmath513 appearing on the left hand side of eq .
[ eq : euclid_lat_aa ] is needed to make a connection to the continuum axial current .
the conserved current @xmath514 defined in eq .
[ eq : axial_cc ] must approach the corresponding , partially conserved continuum current with unit normalization , when the continuum limit is taken .
thus , to order @xmath326 , the low energy matrix elements of @xmath515 and @xmath512 must be proportional : @xmath516 .
while we have computed @xmath13 using the local current @xmath512 we have also compared that current to the partially conserved domain wall axial current @xmath515 , allowing an accurate determination @xmath513 .
in addition to the procedure just described , there is a second , independent method that we have used to compute @xmath13 .
here we use the ward - takahashi identity to relate @xmath515 and the pseudo - scalar density @xmath517 : @xmath518 an expression valid for low energy matrix amplitudes .
in particular , we have replaced the usual midpoint term in the exact identity of eq .
[ eq : axial_cc_diverg ] by its low energy limit : @xmath519 .
thus , we can also obtain @xmath13 from the correlation function : @xmath520 where again no sum over the flavor index @xmath101 is intended .
this formula involves no renormalization factors but requires knowledge of the residual mass @xmath521 induced by mixing between the walls .
thus , a comparison of the values for @xmath13 obtained from eqs .
[ eq : euclid_lat_aa ] and [ eq : euclid_lat_pp ] provides a critical test of the analysis presented in this paper .
we will now discuss these two calculations of @xmath13 in detail . to measure the value for the renormalization factor @xmath513
, we compare the amplitudes of two - point functions @xmath522 and @xmath523 defined as @xmath524 the @xmath525 in the argument of @xmath526 in eq .
[ eq : ct_lt ] comes from the fact the conserved axial current @xmath527 is not the current at lattice site @xmath38 but instead the current carried by the link between @xmath38 and @xmath528 .
we take appropriate arithmetic averages to solve the problem that @xmath526 and @xmath523 are not at the same location .
to avoid as much systematic error as possible , we define @xmath529 as @xmath530 for @xmath531 , @xmath532 behaves like a constant which can be identified with @xmath513 . both terms in eq .
[ eq : za_def ] estimate this value without @xmath533 error .
the average of these two , incorporated in eq .
[ eq : za_def ] , further eliminates a portion of the @xmath46 error .
figure [ fig : za ] shows the ratio @xmath529 defined in eq . [ eq : za_def ] for both a @xmath2 lattice with @xmath7 , and @xmath6 as well as the same quantity for a @xmath42 lattice with @xmath9 and @xmath3 .
we determine the value for the renormalization factor @xmath513 by calculating the average over two ranges of @xmath174 : @xmath534 and @xmath535 , chosen to avoid the largest time separation @xmath536 where the errors are quite large .
a jackknife error is determined , to compensate for possible correlation between the numerator and denominator in eq .
[ eq : za_def ] .
the results for @xmath513 at @xmath6 , @xmath2 , @xmath537 and with different values of @xmath5 are listed in table [ tab : z_a_b6_0 ] .
the data shows little @xmath5 dependence , as should be expected .
figure [ fig : za ] , also shows our result of @xmath538 found for the @xmath42 lattice with @xmath3 , @xmath9 , @xmath539 , @xmath247 .
the results for the amplitudes for the axial vector current correlator and the pseudoscalar density correlator at @xmath3 and @xmath429 are given in tables [ tab : fpi_832_b57k165ns32]-[tab : fpi_1632_b60k18ns24 ] .
they are obtained from the point - source correlators using a conventional 2-parameter fit with the pion masses extracted concurrently .
we also list in the same tables the results for @xmath13 as a function of @xmath19 determined from the corresponding correlators with the help of @xmath513 and @xmath521 ( tables [ tab : m_res_b6_0]-[tab : m_res_b5_7 ] ) .
these values of @xmath13 have been converted to physical units using the measured @xmath215 mass discussed in section [ sec : sim_results ] , extrapolated to the chiral limit @xmath540 .
next , we use a linear fit in @xmath19 to evaluate @xmath13 for two values of @xmath19 . to obtain a value of @xmath13 close to that for the physical pion , we go to the chiral limit @xmath541 . for @xmath542
we choose for @xmath19 that value which gives @xmath543 . in determining @xmath13 for the physical pion state
, we did not attempt to use a value of @xmath19 giving the physical value for the ratio @xmath544 since we do not adequately know the @xmath19 dependence of this ratio in the relevant region .
these linear fit parameters as well as the resulting values for @xmath13 and @xmath542 are summarized in table [ tab : fpi_extrap ] .
the errors given in the tables are obtained from the jackknife method .
figure [ fig : fpi_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] shows the values for @xmath13 at @xmath3 , @xmath42 , @xmath9 as a function of @xmath19 and the linear fits through all the @xmath19 points .
the results obtained from the pseudoscalar - pseudoscalar correlator are higher than those from the axial - axial correlator .
the two linear fits give @xmath545 , @xmath546 and @xmath547 , @xmath548 respectively .
when the lattice volume is increased to @xmath2 ( figure [ fig : fpi_b5_7_16nt32_ls48 ] ) , the difference between the linear fits from the two methods becomes smaller .
we obtain @xmath549 , @xmath550 and @xmath551 , @xmath550 from the two correlators .
the values for @xmath552 obtained from the two methods should agree for all values of @xmath19 since they are related by a ward - takahashi identity that should become exact in the continuum limit .
presumably the visibly different slopes seen in figures [ fig : fpi_b5_7_8nt32_ls48 ] and [ fig : fpi_b5_7_16nt32_ls48 ] are the result of order @xmath326 errors .
we also calculate @xmath13 at a weaker coupling .
figure [ fig : fpi_b6_0_2parm ] shows our results for @xmath6 , @xmath221 , @xmath7 on 85 configurations .
the two independent calculations give very consistent results .
we have @xmath553 , @xmath554 from the axial vector current correlator and almost the same values from the pseudoscalar correlator .
our results for @xmath13 at both @xmath3 and @xmath429 agree well with the experimental value of @xmath555 , while the values for @xmath542 may be somewhat smaller than the experimental value of @xmath556 as is expected from quenched chiral perturbation theory arguments @xcite and naive scaling considerations @xcite .
note , in table [ tab : fpi_extrap ] we also list @xmath557 with jackknifed errors for the ratio . here
the statistical errors are now well below the systematic errors that might be expected in the @xmath337 extrapolation .
the values shown for @xmath557 agree on the 5% level between methods of determination and different lattice spacings but are systematically below the experimental value of 1.21 .
this same analysis was done using the amplitudes calculated from the point - source correlators but making a 1-parameter fit using the pre - determined pion masses computed from the more mass accurate measurements based on the wall - source correlators .
this method gives consistent results with slightly smaller errors .
the results are not listed here .
the reasonable agreement of our domain wall results with the experimental values and their relative insensitivity to @xmath101 is encouraging .
similar results were obtained at @xmath6 for smaller values of @xmath5 with somewhat larger errors in ref .
@xcite . of special interest here is the comparison that we make between the two methods of determining @xmath13 , which is done here for the first time . as can be seen from eq .
[ eq : euclid_lat_pp ] , the determination of @xmath13 from @xmath334 depends directly on @xmath4 .
thus , the comparison of these two methods is an important check of our understanding of the chiral properties of the domain wall formulation .
the ratio of these two quantities extrapolated to the point @xmath541 provides an interesting figure of merit for the present calculation .
we find @xmath558 and 0.96(10 ) for @xmath7 and 24 respectively .
however , if instead of the values of @xmath4 given in table [ tab : m_res_b6_0 ] , we use the @xmath38-intercepts -0.0031(7 ) and -0.0030(9 ) quoted earlier and obtained from the @xmath144 values of @xmath12 , we find @xmath559 for both the @xmath7 and 24 cases . while these ratios each differ from 1 by two standard deviations , they are independent calculations and demonstrate the good chiral properties of domain wall fermions . here
we combine the hadron mass results tabulated in section [ sec : sim_results ] to examine the behavior of the nucleon to @xmath215 mass ratio as @xmath253 varies between 5.7 to 6.0 .
first we evaluate @xmath151 and @xmath150 in the limit @xmath541 .
we did not use the value of @xmath19 which gives the physical ratio , @xmath560 for the reasons outlined in the previous section . in table
[ tab : mn_over_mrho ] we give the resulting mass ratios as well as the lattice spacings in physical units as determined from @xmath150 evaluated at @xmath541 .
note , no contribution to the quoted error for these mass ratios arising from the uncertainty in this choice of @xmath19 has been included .
the relatively large variation of @xmath53 with @xmath253 suggests that the errors shown in table [ tab : mn_over_mrho ] may be underestimated and makes a simple @xmath326 extrapolation to the continuum limit somewhat uncertain .
nevertheless the result of such an extrapolation to @xmath561 is @xmath562 .
perhaps more interesting is a comparison with similar quantities computed at comparable lattice spacings and volumes using wilson and staggered fermions . for staggered fermions at @xmath6 on comparable volumes , one finds @xcite @xmath563 , a somewhat larger and less physical value than the 1.42(4 ) and 1.38(4 ) results obtained here for @xmath7 and 24 .
however , this comparison is made somewhat ambiguous by the significant finite size effects seen in staggered calculations when going from our @xmath2 to larger volumes @xcite . for wilson fermions , as reported in ref .
@xcite , one deduces @xmath564 by linear interpolation between the @xmath565 and 6.17 values presented , a number remarkably close to our domain wall value . when comparing these values , it is important to recall that our @xmath255 and @xmath254 spatial volumes are not yet infinite and , as discussed in section [ sec : sim_results ] , corrections on the order of a few percent are expected .
finally we use the results presented earlier to estimate the size of the chiral condensate @xmath20 .
naively , one might expect that a physical value for @xmath20 could be easily identified in table [ tab : qbq_phenom ] as the @xmath19-independent term @xmath308 , defined in eq .
[ eq : qbq_phenom ] .
this quantity represents a simple extrapolation of @xmath566 from large mass down to the point @xmath44 .
given the volume independence seen for the parameter @xmath308 when comparing the @xmath3 , @xmath255 and @xmath254 volumes in table [ tab : qbq_phenom ] , it is natural to expect that such a choice minimizes the sensitivity to the finite - volume zero mode effects that give rise to the more singular @xmath307 term . however , there are other issues that must be addressed .
perhaps most obvious is the fact that the point @xmath44 is not the physical chiral limit because the effects of @xmath4 have been ignored .
this is easily remedied by using the slope @xmath309 , to extrapolate to the physical point @xmath541 .
the resulting estimate of @xmath20 , in lattice units , is given as the fourth column in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] .
however , because @xmath20 is a quadratically divergent quantity , we can not expect that all the chiral symmetry breaking effects of domain wall mixing are removed by this choice of @xmath19 .
in contrast to many physical quantities , @xmath20 receives contributions from energy scales much larger than those for which @xmath4 represents the complete effect of chiral symmetry breaking .
thus , we should expect additional contributions to @xmath20 of order @xmath567 .
this is born out in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] where we see that the differences between @xmath20 for the two different values of @xmath5 at a given @xmath253 are of the same order as the difference between the values with and without the extrapolation to @xmath568 .
this unwanted @xmath569 contribution to @xmath20 can only be controlled by explicitly taking the limit @xmath93 .
we do not at present have the numerical results to permit such an extrapolation .
therefore , we will use the @xmath6 , @xmath570 result as our best approximation to such a limit and interpret the difference between the @xmath7 and 24 values as an estimate of the systematic error , @xmath571 .
given the value of @xmath436 for @xmath6 quoted earlier and the results for the lattice spacing in physical units in table [ tab : mn_over_mrho ] , we can determine @xmath20 in physical units .
the results for @xmath7 and 24 , @xmath572 and @xmath573 , are included in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] , where only the statistical error is displayed .
the agreement between these numbers and phenomenological estimates of the chiral condensate is satisfactory , for example the value of @xmath574 obtained in ref .
note the @xmath575 uncertainty present in our calculation does not have an analogue in the properly regulated continuum theory .
while @xmath576 does contain a quadratically divergent piece in the continuum theory , this is eliminated for the chirally symmetric choice @xmath577 .
this choice is not available in a domain wall fermion calculation without taking the @xmath93 limit . of course ,
the other lattice methods for directly computing @xmath576 have equal or more severe difficulties .
finally it is interesting to compare the @xmath3 and @xmath6 results for @xmath20 .
since we do not at present have a reliable determination of the needed renormalization constant , @xmath578 , for the stronger @xmath3 coupling , we do not attempt to quote a physical value . however , the ratio of the unrenormalized lattice numbers given in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] for @xmath579 is reasonably consistent with the ratio expected from naive scaling @xmath580 . given the values now determined for @xmath20 , @xmath13 and quark mass , it is natural to test the degree to which the gell - mann - oakes - renner relation @xcite @xmath581 is obeyed .
however , the form of this equation reveals an important difficulty . at what value of @xmath19
should the ratio @xmath582 be computed ? in full qcd , this ratio becomes a constant for small quark mass . as we have seen earlier , this is not the case in the quenched approximation where one expects non - linearities .
we might try to determine the proper treatment of these non - linearities by returning to the underlying equation , eq .
[ eq : int_ward_tak_id ] , from which the gell - mann - oakes - renner relation is derived .
however , this is somewhat complex .
both sides of this original equation have a mass dependence which comes from the contribution of the pion pole term and other physical states , all influenced by the quenched approximation , as well as the quadratically divergent terms in @xmath20 and the contact term in @xmath583 .
thus , while the underlying eq .
[ eq : int_ward_tak_id ] will be obeyed exactly in our calculation , there is considerable ambiguity in deciding how to extract a quenched generalization of the gell - mann - oakes - renner relation , eq .
[ eq : gmor ] . here
we will simply compare the right- and left - hand - sides of eq .
[ eq : gmor ] by replacing the ratio @xmath582 by the slope @xmath171 obtained at larger masses , @xmath23 and given in tables [ tab : extrap_832_b5_7 ] , [ tab : extrap_1632_b5_7 ] and [ tab : extrap_1632_b6_0 ] .
the results from the left hand side of eq .
[ eq : gmor ] are given in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] .
given our uncertainty in determining @xmath20 and the significant non - linearities we see in @xmath12 , the agreement seen between the fourth and fifth columns in table [ tab : pbp_gmor ] is within our errors .
we have presented the results of detailed studies of quenched lattice qcd using domain wall fermions , with particular attention paid to the lowest order chiral symmetry breaking effects of finite @xmath5 and the behavior of the theory for small values of @xmath19 .
a major difficulty in studying the small @xmath19 behavior of the theory is the presence of topological near - zero modes which are unsuppressed in the quenched theory .
these are a result of the improved character of the domain wall fermion operator , which has an atiyah - singer index at finite lattice spacing and @xmath93 .
however , these zero - modes complicate the quenched theory and demonstrate that the quenched approximation is considerably more treacherous than might have been originally expected .
we have seen how these modes produce the expected @xmath36 divergence in @xmath20 for small @xmath19 and distort correlation functions used to measure the properties of the pion . by working on larger volumes
, we found that the effects of these modes were dramatically reduced , as expected .
we were then able to see a common pion mass determined from different correlators .
we have determined or constrained the value for the residual mass , @xmath4 , which enters the effective quark mass for low - energy physics as @xmath584 , a number of ways and found good agreement .
the residual mass was measured from the extra , finite @xmath5 term in the divergence of the conserved axial current and from the explicitly determined lowest eigenvalues of the hermitian domain wall fermion operator .
these two determinations agree within errors .
we have also determined the difference in @xmath4 for two values of @xmath5 from the pion mass and find this agrees with the results from our explicitly calculated @xmath4 .
lastly , agreement for @xmath13 as calculated from axial vector and pseudoscalar correlators requires knowledge of @xmath4 and the agreement serves as a further check . while our data for weaker couplings does not clearly demonstrate that @xmath585 , we have seen it fall to 1 mev for @xmath43 at @xmath47 . for @xmath204 , a practical value for studies of low energy hadronic physics and matrix elements
, @xmath4 has a value of 3.87(16 ) mev , roughly 1/30 of the strange quark mass . even at stronger couplings , where the lattice spacing is @xmath32 gev , we have measured @xmath4 to also be about 1/14 of the strange quark mass , although here @xmath43 was required .
thus , we see domain wall fermions producing the desired light surface states with small mixing , even for relatively strong couplings . we have measured hadron masses and @xmath13 for lattice scales 1 gev @xmath586 2 gev and have studied scaling in this region .
our determinations of @xmath13 involve not only @xmath4 as mentioned above but also the measurement of the z - factor for the local axial current .
we find @xmath52 evaluated at the @xmath587 point to be scaling very well , while for @xmath53 the scaling violations may be at the 6% level .
however , scaling seems at least as good as that seen for staggered fermions at similar lattice spacings and similar to that found for wilson fermions with a clover term @xcite .
this is in accord with general expectations that finite lattice spacing errors will enter domain wall fermion amplitudes at @xmath46 @xcite .
our results demonstrate that quenched domain wall fermions do exhibit the desired good chiral properties , even at relatively strong couplings .
the residual quark mass effects , which break the full global symmetries to leading order in @xmath101 , can be eliminated by an appropriate choice of @xmath19 , so that low energy physics should be well described by an effective theory with the continuum global symmetries .
quenched chiral logarithm effects may appear for quenched domain wall fermion simulations , as they do for other fermion formulations , but present no new difficulties . for large enough volumes , the effects of topological near - zero modes are suppressed and the small @xmath19 region can be investigated . for larger values of @xmath19 , where these zero mode effects are suppressed by the quark mass ,
one has a formulation of lattice qcd with the full global symmetries realized to order @xmath326 and an effective quark mass of @xmath588 .
thus , the domain wall formulation provides a powerful new tool which can be used , even within the quenched approximation , to study many of the outstanding problems in particle and nuclear physics for which chiral symmetry plays an important role .
note added : after this paper was essentially complete , the recent work of the cp - pacs collaboration became available @xcite .
the reader is referred to this paper for another discussion of some of the topics presented here .
the authors would like to acknowledge useful discussion with shoichi sasaki , thomas manke , t. d. lee , robert edwards and mike creutz .
we thank riken , brookhaven national laboratory and the u.s .
department of energy for providing the facilities essential for the completion of this work .
finally , we acknowledge with gratitude the ritz diagonalization program provided by robert edwards . the numerical calculations at @xmath299 and 6.0 were done on the 400 gflops qcdsp computer @xcite at columbia university and the 600 gflops qcdsp computer at the riken - bnl research center @xcite .
the @xmath304 results were calculated at nersc .
we acknowledge the milc collaboration @xcite whose software provided the basis for this @xmath157 calculation . this research was supported in part by the doe under grant # de - fg02 - 92er40699 ( columbia ) , in part by the nsf under grant # nsf - phy96 - 05199 ( vranas ) , in part by the doe under grant de - ac02 - 98ch10886 ( soni - dawson ) , in part by the riken - bnl research center ( blum - wingate - ohta ) and in part by the max - kade foundation ( siegert ) .
.simulation parameters for the quenched results obtained using the hybrid monte carlo method .
the mass ranges referred to are specified in table .
the spectrum column contains the number of configurations on which hadron mass measurements were performed while the @xmath20 column shows the number of configurations used to compute the chiral condensate .
finally , within parenthesis in the last column we specify the number of random noise sources ( hits ) that were used in each of these @xmath20 measurements .
all of the calculations described in this table used the domain wall height parameter @xmath539 . [ cols="^,^,^,^,^,^",options="header " , ] | arxiv |
George Benson 17501814 was a British soldier who saw active service during the American War of Independence.
He was promoted from Lieutenant to Captain in 44th Foot in 1777. In 1781, he was attached to 37th Light Infantry Company as Major of Brigade. He was appointed Captain of a Company in 66th Foot in 1785, transferred to 60th Foot as a Major in 1788, and was promoted to Lieutenant-Colonel in 1792. He was appointed Brigade Major-General to the forces in the North-East District in 1795, and in 1805 was commanding an infantry brigade in the North-West District, having been confirmed in the rank of Major-General in 1801. He was promoted to Lieutenant General in 1808. For a few months in 1809, he was Colonel of 12th Garrison Battalion. He was appointed Governor of Duncannon Fort in 1814 but died in Bath only a few weeks later.
Bibliography
War office announcements in miscellaneous issues of London Gazette, and The Gentlemans Magazine, 17771814
References
Category:British Army personnel of the American Revolutionary War
Category:1750 births
Category:1814 deaths | wikipedia |
Q: Using .net core + Angular template, how to access API once deployed to Azure? I started a new application using the template for Angular and .netcore, created a web app, installed swagger, and deployed it to Azure, the application isn't much different from the template as I have just started adding my HTML to it.
I am now trying to access the APIs but I get redirected to index.html, on localhost I am able to access it on a different port, the one SPAproxy starts before redirecting me, is there a way to expose this port on an Azure Web App? or even better can I expose it on the same port so I just use /swagger to access it?
A: Check the below steps to create .NET Core Web API and Angular Application to run within the same Port.
Here instead of Angular + .NET Core Template, I have added the 2 projects in the new folder and running the App.
*
*Create a new folder.
*In Visual Studio,Create a .NET CORE Web API within the newly created folder.
*Add another project ASP.Net CORE Web App with in the same project.
*Open the command prompt with newly created Core Web App root folder(to create angular).
*Create an angular application by running the below command.
ng n mynewAng
*
*In command prompt navigate to the newly created angular root folder(mynewAng).
cd mynewAng
*
*Run ng serve --open to launch the angular Application.
*
*In Angular project => angular.json, change the outputPath to "../../Your.NetCoreAPIFolderName/wwwroot"
*Deploy the Application to Azure App Service.
*In Azure Portal => Your API Management service => API's => click on your API under All API's = Test
My Program.cs
var builder = WebApplication.CreateBuilder(args);
builder.Services.AddControllers();
builder.Services.AddEndpointsApiExplorer();
builder.Services.AddSwaggerGen();
var app = builder.Build();
if (app.Environment.IsDevelopment())
{
app.UseSwagger();
app.UseSwaggerUI();
}
app.Use(async (context, next) =>
{
await next();
if (context.Response.StatusCode == 404 && !Path.HasExtension(context.Request.Path.Value))
{
context.Request.Path = "/index.html";
await next();
}
});
app.UseDefaultFiles();
app.UseStaticFiles();
app.UseHttpsRedirection();
app.UseAuthorization();
app.MapControllers();
app.Run();
OutPut
| slim_pajama |
Persona Series 1. Chapter 1
_A/N: First: People who have me on alert, I apologize. I am posting six chapters at once of a niche-interest story. You do get a new Souji/Persona-3-PSP-chan fic afterwards, though._
_This is the first installment of Shortest Distance, a long fic that covers Kanji Tatsumi's year from May 2011 to 2012; specifically his interactions with (and raging crush on) Naoto Shirogane. Kanji and Naoto are the focus, but the rest of the cast are heavily involved; don't read it you're looking for purely KanNao._
_Naoto doesn't feature much until mid-year, so ____t_he first few chapters are quick and mostly game stuff - _ b__ut __after that the focus switches to a mix of tweaked game plot and "missing scenes" - albeit with a significant divergence in December's events.
_
_Many thanks to Rayless Night for her help with criticisms, editing, and correcting my habitual inconsistencies (if you aren't already, go read her excellent P3-P4 crossover fic, Elysion)_
_Hope a few of you out there enjoy this. I understand Kanji/Naoto is not the most popular Naoto pairing around these parts - but Kanji deserves his shot, right? _
* * *
**May 16th, 2011**
"I'm interested in you."
Kanji knew he'd heard that wrong for several reasons. First, he couldn't think of a single person on Earth who'd find him 'interesting'. Second, the voice sounded completely indifferent. Third, it came from the boy standing opposite him. "Uh...what...?"
The boy tipped his cap with one hand and looked up. "I am interested in you. There are things we should discuss."
Slender fingers, smooth skin, blue-grey eyes. Kanji's stomach made a flop straight for the ground. "Th-things-?"
"Are you free to meet tomorrow afternoon?"
Unable to make the right sort of noise - or much of a noise at all - Kanji nodded dumbly.
What was _with_ this guy? He'd just walked out the textile shop door, gone over to Kanji and come right out with that 'interesting' line. Hadn't missed a beat. Hadn't looked even a little scared, despite Kanji being over a full head taller than him. Hell, it was like the height difference didn't even exist. The kid had guts - which left Kanji with a major problem, because now he wanted this boy to keep looking at him, keep talking to him, and he couldn't understand why.
Not like it was his _fault._ Guys had absolutely no right being that pretty. No wonder people got confused. He sure as hell was, and it'd been going on for months.
The boy nodded back, curt and formal. "Then I'll meet you at the gates after school tomorrow."
"S-sure. Sounds great." Kanji hadn't been to school in weeks.
Without a word, the boy turned away, his cap shielding his eyes again, and started walking briskly toward the north end of the district. Kanji stayed standing, watching until the kid disappeared from view and wishing he didn't feel so disappointed.
_Get it together, man._ He straightened his back, yanked up the collar of his jacket -and spotted four kids in the alley beside his mother's store, all huddled together and gawking at him.
Shit, had they seen the whole thing? Because if they had, if they'd seen that boy, they'd think Kanji was- -
He lunged forward, fists balled._ "What the hell are you pricks lookin' at?" _
The eavesdroppers scattered. As Kanji watched them run down the street, stuttering out apologies and almost tripping over each other on the way, he realized he'd never thought to ask the boy's name.
* * *
**May 17th, 2011**
Ten minutes of 'fixing' his hair had done completely the opposite. Kanji had resorted to smoothing it down with a wet hand, and now it wasn't so much swept back as glued to his head. He'd been fussing with his piercings too, and his clothes, because for some reason he actually gave a shit what that scrawny weird kid thought of him. _Stupid, stupid, stupid._
He sighed, forehead pressed against the restroom mirror. What the hell was he _doing_?
Showing up at school for this guy had been a miracle in itself. Kanji had shown up for his first day of high school, just to make Ma happy. He'd lasted three hours. And nothing had changed since then - not the kids shrinking away from him in the corridors, or the teachers pursing their lips, or Morooka giving him crap for no good reason. Yasogami High was junior high all over again, just with different faces.
Kanji scowled at the mirror - trying to intimidate himself into being less of a pussy, maybe - but all he saw was a clumsy guy in a leather jacket, bent over a sink and looking scared shitless. "Idiot," he muttered, then straightened and let out a long breath. Time to go meet this kid.
He was two strides from the door when he heard a sudden thud behind him - like someone smacking into a wall - followed by a loud yelp. Kanji swiveled around, fists clenched, just as that Junes brat (Hanamura, wasn't it?) barged out of a bathroom stall with one hand clutching his knee.
"Uh - guess I just tripped over! Totally wasn't watching you! Wh-What an idiot, right?" Hanamura stammered, offering Kanji a wide, terrified smile while managing a high speed limp out the door.
...Hadn't he been hanging around yesterday too?
Kanji cursed under his breath and vowed to beat the crap out of Hanamura later. It'd be good stress relief.
* * *
If he hadn't known better - and if he hadn't been paranoid about everything, lately - Kanji would've sworn they were being followed.
The kid had led him down to the path by the floodplains; they needed to talk, he'd said. Except they weren't. Instead, they were just walking through the trees in silence, the kid looking straight ahead while Kanji glanced around for anyone who might be watching. They'd already passed a bunch of kids wearing the Yasogami uniform, most of whom he'd had to glare at till they looked away.
...Like it even mattered. Didn't matter what Kanji did or said anymore. Maybe it never had. Maybe this was how it would always work: people treating him like a freak, all stares and whispers and girls giggling at him when they thought he was out of earshot, just because he didn't fit in and had given up trying.
And perhaps that was just fine, he thought, stealing a glance at the boy beside him. If people would talk no matter what, he might as well give them something worth gossiping about. Then the boy looked up, and Kanji quickly turned his head away.
"Has anything unusual happened lately?" the boy asked.
_Unusual_. Talk about an understatement. Kanji almost laughed, but it came out as a grunt instead. It hadn't meant anything, but the kid must have figured he was pissed off or something - because he stopped, tilted his head up and looked at Kanji with those eyes again.
"I apologize, I haven't yet introduced myself." He held out his hand. "Naoto Shirogane."
Kanji had been expecting a bow, if anything, but he still grabbed the kid's hand on reflex. It was small - fit almost completely inside his - and the skin was smooth against his palm. He tried to give the manliest handshake he could muster, but it wound up sort of pathetic, both because he was worried about breaking the guy's hand and because he was a hair's breadth from running away. It felt like his heart was pounding a dent into his ribcage, so strong and fast he swore it would reverberate down his arm.
"Uh - Kanji. T-Tatsumi. Kanji Tatsumi." Three attempts just to get his name out. He would've kicked his own ass if he could.
The kid - _Naoto_, _Naoto Shirogane_ - nodded, then let go of his hand. When he spoke, his voice was smooth, level, and everything Kanji's wasn't. "I know. After all, I came to see you."
_Smug little bastard_, part of Kanji's mind thought. Another part told him to just shut up and listen, because holy crap, the kid had come to see _him_.
The rest sputtered, sparked, and finally shorted out. "To - to see _me_? Whoa, I-I'm not like that, okay? N-nothing like it!"
He knew he was babbling. Hell, he could practically feel the wires in his brain frying, and he felt his fists balling up before he forced them down to his sides.
Naoto just stared at him, hand on hip.
"Wh-what? What're you looking at?" Kanji snapped.
Naoto shook his head, still staring. "You are an odd person, Kanji Tatsumi."
_Odd?_
Who the hell was this kid to call him odd, some midget in a dumb cap who looked like he'd gotten dressed fifty years ago? Kanji shrugged his shoulders, ignored the tightness in his throat, and told himself it didn't matter. "Wh-whatever. Just makin' sure, yeah?"
Naoto stared at him a moment more, expression perfectly neutral, then continued walking. "Now, as I was asking before..."
Kanji took a deep breath and shortened his strides to keep pace.
* * *
In the end, nothing much seemed to happen. Naoto kept asking vague questions but Kanji couldn't listen no matter how hard he tried, not with so many thoughts buzzing around in his head. Particularly when all the thoughts were about him, Naoto, and sometimes him _and _Naoto. So he just nodded instead, and grunted at what he hoped were the right points. Naoto didn't seem to care either way. Maybe that was how things were supposed to go. Just their first time talking, right?
Two guys, talking. Nothing big. Nothing worth feeling so damn sick over.
They kept walking, with Naoto talking, until they reached the crossroads that branched off toward the train station, and the north side of town. Naoto stopped and looked up at Kanji again, still without a hint of hesitation. "Thank you for your time, Kanji Tatsumi," he said - then, with a dip of his cap, turned and began to walk away.
Which was something that Kanji really, _really _didn't want to happen. "H-hey! Wait!"
Naoto glanced back, looking vaguely curious.
"Uh...c-can I-" Kanji stopped and growled under his breath. Dammit, what was wrong with him? He could _do_ this. He tensed his muscles, squared his shoulders, and tried a second time. "I-I wanna see you again, okay?"
Moments passed. Kanji had them pegged for days instead, with him stuck standing there feeling determined and pathetic and frustrated all at once. Didn't help that it'd come out more like a threat than an invitation.
And Naoto? He didn't say a damn thing. Just stared some more - and, finally, gave a single nod.
Kanji had honestly expected him to say _no_ or _what the hell's wrong with you_ or any of the other hundred things he'd imagined in those few seconds of silence. Agreement, he wasn't ready for. "Uh - that - that's great!" he managed to call after Naoto, who was already walking away again. "S'great! I-I'll see you, yeah?"
Naoto didn't answer. Didn't say when or where they'd meet either, but Kanji figured that was fine. Inaba was a pretty small town.
* * *
**May 23rd, 2011**
Even though every part of him ached, head to toe, and Yosuke had wound up half-dragging him back to the store, Kanji felt weirdly proud. He was probably the only person in the world who'd physically punched out his own self-doubts.
Close-run thing, though. He didn't remember much before passing out, but the three huge, crazy-looking monsters looming over him had been enough. Those kids he'd seen before - Hanamura and his friends - had bailed him out big time.
No, not kids, _senpai_. Whether or not he showed up at school, he could at least try to act right around them. He hadn't even registered that Yukiko Amagi was with them, it'd been so long since they'd last talked. That, and he'd been so caught up with Naoto that he probably wouldn't have noticed if his own mother had been standing right next to them in that alley.
It was all too much to process, and too early for him to try. Getting knocked out and waking up inside a television, being stuck in that stupid sauna and finding out it was all pulled from his own head, getting his _own_ weird monster, his Persona. Back inside, before the senpai had shown up, Kanji had wanted to blame Naoto for the whole thing, for throwing him so off-kilter he'd gotten stuck in some bizarre dream. _Especially_ once he realized he was in a bathhouse.
But what bothered him most had been that thing he'd beaten down. His Shadow, or whatever Souji-senpai had said; Kanji had been mentally alternating between the terms "fake me", "loincloth-wearing asshole", and occasionally "guy who really knew what was up". _Accept me for who I am_. Maybe that was all he wanted. Sure, he felt pissed off even thinking about his Shadow, all yellow eyes, snide lisped comments and flamboyant gestures. But it was still him - just a portion that he'd tried to pound into the ground, because hitting stuff was always his default solution for everything. Or had been. That part needed changing in the morning and he'd been staring at the ceiling for at least an hour, but his head was the clearest it'd been in years, like the fog had lifted away.
Maybe it wasn't really about guys or girls or any of that crap, but just being brave enough to take a chance. Maybe he needed to go find Naoto again.
But, okay, suppose he did. Suppose he finally grew a damn spine. What happened then? Kanji had spent half his life trying to make people hate him, and he had a bad feeling that somewhere along the way he'd forgotten how to stop. Didn't help that he wasn't even sure what he wanted from Naoto, other than to let Kanji look at him, keep him talking, keep listening. _Keep acting like a creepy bastard_, he thought, and scowled. Couldn't help wanting it, though, not when Naoto was the first person in years who'd just talked to him. No lecturing or cowering or laughing, no weird looks. They could just hang out, maybe, Kanji wasn't going to _push_ it or anything, just be nice to have a friend, right?
Right. A friend. A guy he'd spoken to twice who'd stared a bunch and called him an 'odd person'. Naoto seemed pretty weird himself, and he still thought the same way as everyone else.
"Screw it," Kanji muttered to no-one in particular, then rolled over and tried to sleep.
2. Chapter 2
_A/N: Story so far: Kanji meets Naoto, misinterprets things horribly - then defeats his Shadow, which doesn't help his complex as much as he hoped.
_
_In this part: Rise joins the team, the killer is caught, and Kanji learns Naoto isn't always who he seems. __Spoilers through August._
* * *
**June 2011**
June kind of sucked, all told. Not only was Risette - who Kanji was apparently supposed to have heard of - the next to go, but they were all sent to pick litter off a mountainside first. Better yet, he got to sit in a tent while Yosuke Hanamura, raging heterosexual, flapped about worrying that he might get jumped in his sleep.
Kind of suspicious, all told. Maybe the guy had some sort of complex.
Unfortunately, Kanji had never been good at keeping his temper, especially with paranoid assholes who wouldn't shut the hell up, and he wound up running over to the girls' side just to prove a point. What he'd done when he got there was a mystery. Kanji woke up the next morning lying in the mud with the worst headache he'd ever had, and an unusually-concerned Chie Satonaka kneeling at his side. After that, the day had only gotten worse - but Kanji had promised himself he was never going to think about the waterfall again _ever_, and if Yosuke mentioned it in any way, he had full Souji-senpai-sanctioned permission to break his legs.
Straight after they came back from camp, Risette showed up on the television. The team tried to warn her but it was no use, especially when they got sidetracked by that creepy fan with the camera. By the time they'd caught him, Rise was probably already inside the TV - but it was fine, in the end, because they pulled her out even after Teddie's Shadow crashed the party.
This was the first big battle Kanji had fought, and the hardest. Yosuke hit the deck twice, Yukiko-senpai ran out of steam completely, and it was only with Rise's help that they made it through. Later, the senpai all said it was their toughest fight yet.
Maybe it was wrong - they'd come dangerously close to wiping out - but Kanji kind of liked hearing that.
The pride only lasted up until the fog settled in. King Moron was dead by the next morning, and now nothing made sense. He hadn't shown up in the static and his Shadow hadn't turned up on the Midnight Channel and started talking shit.
Morooka's Shadow, Kanji reflected, would probably have seemed _nice_ in comparison. As it stood, he wasn't going to pretend he was cut up over a teacher who'd hated his guts. Hell, nobody seemed to be. Kind of sad, really - but the guy had been an asshole. What pissed Kanji off was that the team had given it everything they had and still gotten it wrong.
But if June sucked, July was just _weird_.
* * *
**July 10th, 2011**
It started when they went to see Risette - _Rise_, they were calling her now - because Naoto was standing outside the tofu shop waiting for them.
Caught by surprise, Kanji's instinctive response was a long list of questions: where the hell had the guy been, weren't they supposed to hang out, had he done something wrong? Fortunately, his next thought was that Naoto probably hadn't meant it anyway - and, more importantly, that any question and answer session would have an audience entirely consisting of his senpai, including Yosuke Hanamura.
Kanji winced, and made a futile attempt to hide at the back of the group. It didn't make a difference; Naoto was looking at Souji.
"Are you here to ingratiate yourselves with Rise Kujikawa now?" he asked, eyes even cooler than his voice.
...He'd been way, _way _nicer to Kanji. Which probably meant something - it had to, right? - and so put Kanji in a pretty good mood for the three seconds before Yosuke opened his fat mouth.
He glanced at Kanji, then back at Naoto. "Hey! Aren't you that guy we saw with Kanji?"
Kanji said nothing, instead devoting all his effort to making himself as small as possible (which wasn't very) and not turning bright red. The effort didn't have much impact on Naoto, who just nodded and told them all his name - which, stupid as it was, Kanji had really liked being the only one to know.
"I'm in town to investigate the murders," he'd added, and a whole bunch of stuff suddenly made sense. And not in a way Kanji liked.
Outside of family, Naoto had been the first person in what felt like forever to just talk to him, treat him like a person. He'd even been dumb enough to wonder if their meeting at school had counted as some sort of date - when really, Naoto had just been pressing him for answers.
...Whatever. Wasn't like he'd _wanted_ it to be one. Just wanted to talk with the kid, maybe hang out together with someone smart who spoke well and looked good and-
Fortunately, Naoto was too busy going on about the stupid case to notice Kanji wincing and shaking his head. "Morooka never appeared on television," he said. "What are your thoughts on that?"
Chie and Yukiko glanced at each other, Kanji tried to look everywhere except at Naoto, and Souji-senpai just shrugged. With one foot tapping rapid-fire against the ground, Yosuke was the only one to manage an answer. "H-How are we supposed to know?"
"Well, we'll leave it at that." Somehow, Naoto managed to sound even more smug than last time they'd met. "I'll be keeping an eye on you all," he warned, just before he turned and walked away.
Damn. He really _was _onto them.
"How the hell did he know?" Chie hissed, once he was out of earshot. "It took us forever to notice the TV thing!"
"He has a point." Souji was still staring after Naoto. "I can't believe I didn't realize before, but King Moron broke the pattern. Shirogane's sharp."
"And a jerk," Yosuke said, arms folded.
Yukiko shook her head. "It felt like he completely saw through us!"
Which was frustrating as hell - but maybe not all that bad. It might mean they could work with Naoto on the case, figure it out as a team. It was about as likely as Kanji scoring top of the year in his next set of exams, and he knew it - but he'd never had a problem with dumb hopes.
* * *
**July 11th, 2011
**
How the hell was a kid Kanji's age a detective? That was like him calling himself a mob boss just cause he'd been picked up by the cops a couple times, right?
Except he could almost believe it. The way Naoto carried himself, you'd think he was ten years older and thirty centimeters taller. Just like now: standing next to the picnic table in the food court, hand on hip, as if he'd practiced the pose. Given the circumstances, Kanji figured his sudden unkind thought - that the only reason Naoto didn't look ridiculous was that the team were all sitting down - was pretty excusable.
"You don't deny, then, that you have involved yourself with this case?" Nobody answered, but Naoto barely gave them chance. "No matter. I have no need to say anything further." Then he turned to make his big exit, just like always - but stopped short as Rise jumped to her feet and smacked her palms against the table.
"Aren't you the one who thinks of this as a game?" she snapped. "All you're doing is solving mysteries, playing at detective!" She jabbed a finger towards Naoto, teamed with a glare that almost made Kanji shiver. "You're the one who's playing a game here!"
_Ouch_. Kanji would've wanted to defend Naoto if he hadn't spent the past five minutes being a condescending little shit. It made no difference anyway, because he just _stood_ there. Didn't snap back at Rise, didn't storm off - didn't even look upset.
"Rise's right," Yosuke cut in. "The second victim, Saki Konishi. You know her?"
Naoto nodded. "I've seen her files."
"So? How does _that _matter? You didn't know her and you don't know any of us - because if you did, you'd know this wasn't a game"
"A game." The cap hid Naoto's eyes, but not the wry smile on his face. "That may be quite true."
"Ah, I get it." In an instant, Yosuke's glare shifted to a smirk. "What, did they get rid of you now they've got their man? Is that why you came here?" He leaned back and stared at Naoto, arms folded. "You were _lonely_?"
Naoto didn't even blink. How the hell could he be so damn calm all the time? _Everybody _got pissed off sometimes. Didn't matter how much of an ace detective you were - or how much of a jerk.
"Detectives normally aren't involved with arrests," he said. "And we never harbor any special emotions regarding a case, either."
_Or anything else_, Kanji thought. And maybe it was kind of cruel to believe that, but it made everything easier - because then that "odd person" crap didn't matter and neither did the fact that he still wanted Naoto to talk to him, acknowledge him, and just-
There wasn't a way to finish the thought. He still didn't know what he wanted and that was half the problem. But if the police had kicked Naoto off the case - believable, given all cops were assholes - then wouldn't he be planning to leave town? "Uh - so they d-dropped you?" Kanji managed to stammer out, staring firmly at the table.
Unable to see Naoto, all he heard was the response. "It _is_ rather unfortunate that people are only attentive so long as our services are required - but I'm accustomed to it." And it was well-phrased, well-delivered, all the crap Naoto did so well, but there was something in his voice that made Kanji stop and think. For a single moment, something slipped in that cool and precise demeanor - and then the wall came right back up again.
"Well, I'll be going now." With that, Naoto walked away. For someone who worked so hard on making a good exit, it probably ranked on the same level as crawling out the food court gate.
Chie grimaced. "You know, just when I think that guy can't get more annoying..."
Souji shook his head. "Don't worry about him. I'm more interested in this new suspect."
Easy for Senpai to say. All Kanji could think was that Naoto needed a serious attitude adjustment, which was pretty damning coming from a bad-tempered not-quite-delinquent. And hadn't he sounded kind of bitter?
Whatever. Kanji pushed the thought out his head, rested his elbows on the table, and tried to look like he was paying attention as the others talked about who this new suspect might be.
* * *
**July 30th, 2011
**
The new suspect - Mitsuo Kubo - was the reason July turned out so strange. Kanji had never really been into video games, but now he never wanted to see one again - at least not the blocky crap that Kubo's head had thrown together. By the time the team made it to his Shadow, everyone's eyes were aching, glasses or not, and even Yosuke said he wasn't touching his Playstation for the next month.
The Shadow itself was just plain weird. Maybe even disappointing. Rise's had been prancing around in a bikini, Kanji's in a fundoshi, and Yosuke had dropped a dozen hints about Yukiko and princess gowns - but this one was completely different. Couldn't tell it apart from Kubo, even with them standing toe-to-toe. The team took them both down in a battle Kanji knew would leave him sore for days, then dragged the real Kubo back out into Junes with the asshole snickering the whole damn way. He still hadn't stopped doing it when the cops showed to pick him up - and Naoto arrived with them.
Probably eager to add another case to his tally, Kanji figured. He didn't make the arrest - he probably wasn't allowed - and he didn't say a word the whole time, but the way he looked at the team, each of them in turn, _really _pissed Kanji off. This weird mix of smug superiority and - he wasn't sure, he'd never been good at reading people. Curiosity, maybe.
It went both ways; none of the team spoke to Naoto either. Souji was talking with the lead cop, spinning some story about where they found Kubo, which left everyone else just staring at each other in silence. It was stupid, awkward and mostly Naoto's fault - but when he left with Kubo and the cops, Kanji was still a little disappointed. He'd have felt it much more if he'd known this was the last time he'd see the kid for almost a month.
* * *
**August 27th, 2011 **
The voice got him first. He recognized it instantly, but it sounded _different_. Strained, higher in pitch and definitely louder than usual. More importantly, it was also coming from right outside the textiles shop.
It was too late in the evening for this - Ma had gone to bed early, dammit - and if it'd been anyone else, Kanji would've been severely pissed. But it was _Naoto_, and something definitely wasn't right. He jumped out of bed, tugged on his jeans, and ran to the open bedroom window.
A cop was standing in the street below, almost right underneath the window ledge. Same asshole that normally walked the district at night and always gave Kanji grief, and had even hauled him into the station a few times. Nothing unusual about seeing him here - except that Naoto was loudly tearing him a new one.
Damn. Weren't they supposed to be working together? Kanji had figured the police had chosen to call Naoto in to start with; Souji-senpai had suggested it was damage control, after a month with two bodies and no suspects, and a killer still on the loose. But then there was that stuff Naoto had said back in July, something about his services no longer being needed. Maybe the cops really _had _cold-shouldered him out.
_
_"I'm telling you, he isn't the killer!" Naoto's voice sounded even tighter, almost cracking on the first few words. "Are you people blind?"
...Did he mean Kubo?
No way. Naoto was smarter than that. _Everyone _knew it was Kubo. The guy had fessed up to anyone and everyone who'd listen.
From Kanji's position, the cop's response wasn't more than a low rumble, but whatever he'd said, Naoto just got more pissed off. "While you're wasting time, the real culprit will-"_
_
The sentence stopped dead. The cop was already striding away in the opposite direction. Didn't look back once at Naoto, whom Kanji could see shaking with anger even from ten feet above. He made a sharp gesture with one arm, stamped his foot hard against the ground - and his shoulders slumped.
Kanji was down the stairs and out the shop door before he had chance to think.
Outside, Naoto was still shivering, his hands balled into fists at his sides. It was hard to see them under the cap, but Kanji swore his eyes were shining. "Uh, y-you okay?"
No answer. Naoto just stood there, breathing hard and staring at the ground.
This wasn't right. This kid never got upset about _anything_.
"C'mon, don't-" Kanji reached out without thinking, put one hand on Naoto's shoulder - and jerked back just as the other boy jolted away.
Kanji's instant reaction was to try to form an apology - or hell, any sort of response at all - but his mind was blank. Shit, he'd just wanted to help, wasn't like he'd-
"Wh-What are you-" Naoto twisted away, one arm held to his face.
"S-sorry, man, I d-didn't-"
"You - I don't-" Naoto couldn't seem to get a full sentence out either, and he was still shielding his eyes with his hand.
Fists clenching and unclenching, Kanji swallowed hard and forced his voice steady. "I just wanna - look, what was with that cop?"
No answer. Long moments passed in silence, Naoto still breathing hard, until he finally lowered his arm and the mask right back into place.
"It's nothing," he muttered. "Excuse me, I need to go." Head down, he dodged to one side and ran off through the shopping district.
Kanji didn't understand one damn thing about what had just happened. That didn't stop him bitching himself out the rest of the night for not having the guts to follow.
3. Chapter 3
_A/N: Story so far: The team has rescued Rise and beaten Kubo, and decide the case is over. Naoto has other ideas.
_
_In this part: Naoto starts school in stunningly poor fashion, Chie and Yosuke are masters of arguing over nothing, and Kanji doesn't read. __Spoilers through September 5th._
* * *
**September 3rd, 2011**
Naoto showing up unannounced at the start of the new school term hadn't done wonders for Kanji's composure. He'd spent most of the day alternating between trying to avoid the kid and bullying himself into manning up, neither of which had worked.
But by the following day, he'd pulled himself back together - a little, at least. He'd even taken a couple of lessons with Naoto now, the ones the school ran with multiple first year classes, and he swore the kid was some sort of genius. Never answered questions unless the teacher asked him directly, but when they did, he got every single one right. He knew _everything_. Kanji hated being called on more than ever now, because Naoto probably thought he was a total moron for almost always answering wrong. Maybe he was. All he knew was that he didn't give a crap about school, and the stuff he was really good at, nobody was interested in. Who gave a crap about sewing and crafts?
For all his smarts, though, Naoto didn't seem much better off. He still wasn't making any friends and every time Kanji saw him - not that he'd been _following _him or anything, that'd be creepy - he was either standing alone in the corridor or giving girls the brush-off. Too different to fit in, maybe. Kanji could sympathize. But the girls just kept on chasing him, no matter how cold he was or how many times he blanked them completely. Didn't make sense - weren't chicks supposed to go for the masculine types? They kicked up enough of a fuss over guys they thought _weren't_, something Kanji knew from bitter experience.
Screw it, he was tired of trying to understand that stuff. Tired of school too, after only three days into the semester. He couldn't skip out after all his promises to Souji-senpai, so he settled for bolting out the classroom door the moment the the bell rang after the final class. Today he was already halfway out the door before the ringing had died away, striding down the corridor toward the man door. He shot a quick glance into Naoto's classroom on his way past - just to check things out, nothing special - then stopped dead.
Inside, Rise Kujikawa was perched on Naoto's desk, all short skirt and smiles and leaning in so close she was practically on top of him. Naoto didn't look happy. But he never did - and what guy wouldn't be interested in a girl like Rise?
_Apart from you_, _Tatsumi_.
Kanji pushed the thought aside. Wasn't like he was gonna start an argument with himself. Take-Mikazuchi handled that just fine, even if none of the things his Persona said had any actual words. Dammit, he just wished he knew what Rise and Naoto were saying. All he could make out were Rise's regular sing-song tones; Naoto's voice was too low to hear at all.
An idol and the boy who knew everything. Kanji wanted to kick himself for feeling so jealous.
A minute or so later, Rise sighed and stood up from the desk. She didn't seem surprised to see Kanji hovering near the door, and he had the sinking feeling she'd known he was there all along. This was Rise, after all.
"If you want to copy Naoto-kun's work, Kanji-kun, you're out of luck. I couldn't convince him," she said, and winked. "Guess there's two guys in Inaba immune to my charms. Funny, huh?"
The scowl Kanji shot at her did nothing to calm the churning in his stomach. As if his body was telling him he should just turn around, march out the main door and forget this whole stupid thing - because why was he even here, except to just gawk at Naoto?
...Maybe they could just talk to each other. Guy to guy. Whatever. That was all right, wasn't it?
With a deep breath, he walked into the classroom and over to Naoto, who was sitting at his desk with his arms folded, staring at the far wall. He didn't turn his head. "Kanji Tatsumi."
He remembered? "Y-yeah. Thass me."
When Naoto finally looked up, Kanji almost leapt two steps back on reflex. "Yes, it is. I've been meaning to thank you for your previous assistance with my inquiries."
"I-I- uh, I didn't really help much. D-Didn't have much to tell the cops much after I got brought back, either." Maybe he shouldn't have mentioned the police, because just for a moment Naoto looked a little pissed off. Kanji still wanted to what had happened last month, that argument with the cop outside the store - because, thinking about it afterward, he swore Naoto had been crying. The idea alone confused him beyond anything. This kid was untouchable.
But Naoto had this _look_ in his eyes, almost like he was challenging Kanji to say something about what he'd seen - so to hell with it, he wouldn't say a word.
Naoto glanced him up and down. "You are friends with Rise Kujikawa. Did you also come to copy my schoolwork?"
"No way!" Kanji had a long, not-too-proud history of scraping through every exam he'd taken - but he also had his pride, and the knowledge that he'd never be smart enough to not get caught. He shook his head, wishing he could keep his eyes on Naoto for more than a few seconds at a time. "Ain't fair. 'Sides, if I get good grades it'll freak the teachers out."
Naoto raised an eyebrow, and even if it was almost too faint to tell, Kanji thought he might actually be smiling. Or smirking, maybe. Either way, it didn't seem to fit.
"Perhaps you're too hard on yourself," he said. "But if you don't want to see my work, why are you here?"
The kid definitely needed to smile more, _really_ smile. At least then Kanji wouldn't feel so dumb and clumsy. Wasn't going to happen, though, not with a guy who did a damn good impression of a robot - and in any case, the smile would never be for Kanji. He grit his teeth. "No reason," he lied, then strode out of the classroom before Naoto could respond.
* * *
**September 4th, 2011**
By this point, the team went to Junes only out of habit. No need to go inside the television and train with Kubo locked up. Kanji couldn't remember how he'd spent his Saturday afternoons back before all this had started, or his time after school each night. Skulking round the shopping district, probably, or hiding in his room and sewing.
Souji had skipped out on the meeting today - something about going on a family outing, which made sense now his uncle wasn't working seven days a week - and Yukiko and Rise were gone too, busy at the inn and the tofu store. The absences left Kanji, Chie and Yosuke sitting at a picnic bench in the food court, with the latter two looking about as bored as Kanji felt.
As always, the place was packed, and every so often one of the weekend staff would call Yosuke over to the stands to help. "Man, I don't even get paid for this," he muttered, the third time he returned to the table.
Chie twirled the straw in her soda cup and shrugged. "We could go someplace else."
"Nah. Nothing to do. Although," - and here, he turned towards Kanji - "we could always go look for Naoto-kun, right?" He winked. "Seeing as he blew us off last time."
Kanji scowled. "Shut it."
"Aw, you feeling hurt, Kanji-kun? Sad that Naoto didn't want to hang out?"
For someone who'd bailed out his friends in battle on more than one occasion, Hanamura was still an asshole. Kanji smacked a fist hard against the table. "I said shut it!"
Palms raised, Yosuke jerked back on the bench. "Hey, hey! Just kidding!"
"Leave him alone, Hanamura," Chie muttered. "Ignore him Kanji-kun, he's just bored."
"Well, yeah. Gotta keep myself entertained _somehow_. But seriously, I heard Naoto's really blowing it at school. Maybe we _should_ find him, give him some pointers, you know?"
"I dunno. He doesn't seem very sociable," Chie said with a shrug. "Kanji-kun, he's in your year. You ever talk to him?"
Kanji swallowed. His foot had started tapping against the ground. "N-nah. Not really, n-no reason to. Go ask Rise, she was buggin' him."
Yosuke grinned. "Figures. She must be getting tired of chasing Souji."
"She's _dangerous_." Chie shook her head, wincing. "Poor Naoto-kun."
There was no point telling them Naoto wasn't even a tiny bit interested - Rise would probably handle that later, and in a lot more detail. It wasn't right that they were gossiping about him, anyway, especially when he wasn't here. The kid deserved better than that, Kanji decided, and he pushed himself up from the bench. "Gotta go. Ma wants me at the store."
Yosuke raised an eyebrow. "Hey, didn't you say you were free all afternoon? I thought we could get something to eat."
"What, on your Junes discount again?" Chie rolled her eyes. "Classy, Hanamura!"
Leaving the two of them to their argument - the third today, if he'd counted right - Kanji walked quietly out of the food court.
* * *
**September 5th, 2011**
Kanji had hated reading since he was a kid, and for a good reason, but once he saw Naoto standing outside the bookstore he began to reconsider.
Wasn't like Kanji was _deliberately _watching him, of course. Just had nothing better to do. That was all. And Naoto had been there for the past fifteen minutes, so it was natural to glance over every so often - though admittedly, every ten seconds might've been pushing it.
Kanji should man up and go say hi, just to be friendly. Naoto had to be lonely, what with being such a grade-A asshole at school. Girls kept chasing him though - which Kanji couldn't fault them for, given he was doing the same damn thing.
He took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and crossed the street to the store in what he hoped was a casual amble. Still couldn't bring himself to look at Naoto directly, so he settled for watching his reflection in the window instead.
"Uh...s'nice day out," he managed.
Naoto nodded and said nothing.
Man, this _sucked_.
Questions were good, right? "S-so...you, uh, like books?" Kanji tried.
At that, Naoto looked up - thankfully at Kanji's reflection rather than Kanji himself. Judging by his expression, he hadn't even noticed he had company. "I'm sorry?"
"Books." Kanji gestured to the window, willing his hand not to shake. "Y-you're looking at 'em."
Naoto raised an eyebrow. "Oh," he said, like he'd only just realized what he was staring at. "Well, yes. I'm fond of reading. Unfortunately, my work leaves little time for such pursuits." He turned to Kanji, who was finally forced to look at him directly. Or down at him. "Do you read?"
Honesty, Kanji decided, was probably the best policy. "Nah."
Naoto looked thoughtful for a moment, if not that surprised. "Well, should you wish to start, I can recommend several crime novels. There are-" Suddenly, he beeped - or his wrist did. Kanji noticed he was wearing a watch: dark grey metal, with one of those retro digital screens and a ton of little buttons. It looked seriously dorky. Kind of weird, too. Seemed like a detective would carry something old-fashioned, like a pocketwatch.
Naoto glanced at the watch, then at Kanji. He dipped his cap with his other hand. "I apologize, Tatsumi. Walking here aids my ruminations, but I must return home."
Kanji wanted to ask what the hell a rumination was, but he let Naoto leave in peace. Book stores sold dictionaries, right?
4. Chapter 4
_A/N: Story so far: Naoto joined Yasogami High and proved himself a bundle of social fail. Rise couldn't persuade the Detective Prince to do her homework, while Kanji discovered the importance of dictionaries.
_
_In this part: the team make a visit to Port Island, where Naoto learns to dislike trains, Kanji learns to dislike both hotels and bathrooms, and the whole team learn you don't need alcohol to get drunk. Spoilers through Sept. 9th.
_
* * *
**September 7th, 2011**
"It's not that big a deal, seriously." Yosuke rolled his eyes again. "We're gonna spend most of the time in _school_. How's that any different than normal?"
"It ain't in Inaba," Kanji pointed out. He had no idea what the hell was up with Yosuke. Big city boy, too cool to care about what sounded like an awesome school trip. They left tomorrow and he hadn't even _started _packing.
"They're going to give us _lessons_, Kanji. Taking us all the way to the city just to sit in a classroom!"
Kanji ignored him. "Hey, how many boxes of animal crackers d'you think I need?" No sense in carrying a massive bag if he could help it, but what if he ran out? Didn't bear thinking about. "I got a case of about a hundred at home. Maybe twenty-five?"
Yosuke just sighed. "You are_ so_ lame."
"Hey, s'different for you. I've never really left this place." He'd been to see his aunt a couple of times but that was only two stops down, and on the slow train at that.
"Yeah, I guess." Yosuke's lips curled into a smirk. "Hey, isn't Naoto going too?"
_Oh crap._
Kanji hadn't thought about that at all. Too caught up in animal cracker logistics. He'd just about mastered the art of not passing out when talking to Naoto alone, but stick the rest of the team in there - especially Yosuke - and he'd be back to square one. "M-maybe. What, you think I care? You sayin' something?"
"No way, dude. Don't know what you mean," Yosuke said, eyes wide and innocent.
* * *
**September 8th 2011
**
So it wasn't the bullet train - Kanji promised himself he'd go on that someday - but it was still damn fast. They'd already zipped through a bunch of stations, including the only one he'd ever stopped at.
The teachers had separated the students out by year, so Souji and the other senpai were a couple of carriages up. Kanji had seen Rise heading towards the back rows, smiling and chatting with a few of the other girls in her usual easy way, leaving him pretty much alone. Unsurprisingly, nobody had seemed eager to take the empty seat next to him.
Fine with him. He was happy enough looking out the window. The train kept passing all these little towns that looked just like Inaba, with the same low buildings and narrow streets. He'd even seen what looked like Junes stores in a couple of them, but that kind of figured.
Naoto had to have seen tons of places. Probably thought Inaba was stupid.
"Kanji Tatsumi?"
And he'd probably have to leave again soon, even though he'd only just started school. Detectives had to go where their cases were, right?
"Tatsumi, I apologize for disturbing you, but..."
...Wait. He knew that voice.
Kanji twisted round with a yelp, putting him in direct eye contact with a vaguely frustrated-looking Naoto Shirogane.
"Forgive the intrusion." He gestured to the space beside Kanji. "This seat is free, correct?"
"Uh," said Kanji.
"May I sit here?" Naoto clarified.
"Uh...y-yeah! 'Course." Kanji sat bolt upright, back pressed against his seat, and willed his nose not to start bleeding.
Naoto nodded, then sat down, tugged open the zipper on his bag and pulled out a yellow folder full of papers. Detective stuff, probably, though bringing work on a school trip seemed pretty weird.
They sat there in silence, which Kanji found seriously awkward even if Naoto didn't seem to care. He racked his brains to think of something to say - _what're you working on_ (like Kanji would understand it), _are you excited about the trip_ (of course he wouldn't be), _wanna hang out while we're there_ (probably the last thing he'd want), _do you_-
"Naoto-kun!"
Naoto froze, fist clenched tight around a sheet of paper.
Kanji turned to look behind him and spotted three giggling girls, pushing their way along the aisle between the rows of seats. They stopped right next to Naoto, and the tallest one leaned down to tap the brim of his cap. "Naoto-kun, why'd you run away? We just wanted to say hi!"
"Hello." Naoto shoved the paper back in the folder. "I believe that concludes matters."
Kanji heard the two girls behind whisper something about _their cute little prince_, and couldn't decide whether to laugh or tell them to get lost. Fine, Naoto was...cute. _Really _cute. Kanji could admit that, nothing wrong with it, other people thought so too. However, the guy was also terse to the point of being frosty and he'd done his best to piss off everyone in their year.
"You wanna hang out with us at Port Island?" The tall girl smiled. "I bet you've been there before, right?"
"As I have stated previously, I have no interest in such activities. Please leave me in peace." Naoto glared at the folder in his lap. "This casework is very pressing."
"Aw, c'mon, Naoto-kun! You could-"
One of the two girls in back - who Kanji thought might be in his class, not that he paid much attention - pushed forward and tugged at the taller girl's sleeve. "Megumi, we don't want to interrupt the Detective Prince, right? Now the killer's been caught, he's probably working on a new big case!"
At that, Naoto bristled.
For a moment, the taller girl looked uncertain - then she shrugged. "I guess. But we'll be back later, Naoto-kun, okay?"
All three girls turned and moved back along the carriage. The one who hadn't spoken waved to Naoto as she left.
Naoto sighed.
Girls were weird. Kanji glanced sideways at him. "They still chasing you?"
"Yes. I have dissuaded most of them but those three are very persistent. I left my previous seat to escape their attentions."
Oh. So _that _was why he'd come down here.
"They...uh, they don't mean no harm." Sure, they'd been slightly terrifying, but Kanji couldn't fault their reasoning. "They probably just like you."
"You cannot _like _someone without knowing them," Naoto muttered, and Kanji tried not to wince.
* * *
"Man...are all city hotels like this? And what's with the bed?" Kanji shifted backwards, trying to find a position where he wasn't at risk of rolling onto the floor.
"Wish I knew. This place is weird," Yosuke said, eyeing the bed (and Kanji) cautiously. "Wonder where Kashiwagi found it?"
"She said it was cheap." And he could see why, with a bed full of freaking _water_. The place probably saved money by skimping on mattresses.
"Maybe it's one of those theme hotels. What do you think, Souji?"
Souji coughed loudly into his pillow.
Across the room, Teddie poked his head out of his suit. "The place opposite is bear-y strange too." His brow furrowed. "I met so many odd people when I was climbing to the roof!"
Dammit, this bed was _useless_. No matter where Kanji moved, the stupid thing moved with him. He sat up with a grunt of disgust. "Screw this. I'm going to the vending machines. Want anything?"
The other three shook their heads.
"Cool. Back in a couple minutes."
* * *
The beds weren't the only weird thing about the hotel, of course. The lighting in the corridors was just as strange: dim and purple and enough to give Kanji a headache. Worse, he'd passed three vending machines now and none of them sold food. One had been selling drinks but nothing Kanji wanted, since he wasn't a fan of coffee. And he really couldn't understand why any hotel would need _two_ machines selling rubbers - or for that matter, why someone would want to buy them from a machine to begin with. The thought alone made heat rush to his face. Definitely not something he'd _ever _seen in Inaba.
...Something was really, really weird about this place. Reminded him of something he'd seen in a film; one that'd shown on television late at night and felt way too creepy for Kanji to watch the whole thing. All about old salarymen who got bored in the evenings and went off to...hotels that looked a lot like this.
Explained the bed, too.
Shit, all he wanted was a soda. He'd even take TaP. As he stomped further down the corridor, getting angrier with each step, he stormed straight into Naoto and almost knocked him to the floor.
Kanji jumped back. "Oh, crap! S-sorry, man."
Naoto flailed for a moment, then caught his balance. His back stiffened. "Kanji Tatsumi."
"You, uh, looking for a vending machine too?"
Naoto shook his head. "I am investigating this hotel. I am...uncertain why Ms. Kashiwagi chose these lodgings."
"I-I just want a soda," Kanji said. "Maybe some junk food. But the vending machines, they're - uh, weird."
Naoto had suddenly become fascinated with the floor. "You...do know what sort of hotel this is?"
Kanji had previously struggled to talk to Naoto about things as mundane as school, the weather, and reading books. A conversation about the finer points of love hotels might just kill them both. "N-no. No way. Wh-why would I?"
It was hard to tell under the lighting, but Naoto's cheeks seemed to change color. "Oh. Of course. Good night, Kanji." With that, he marched quickly down the corridor towards the stairwell.
* * *
**September 9th, 2011**
It was Kanji's first time in a nightclub, and he was already certain he didn't like them.
Flashing lights, bad music, seats that were way too uncomfortable - what was there to like? It didn't help that the three stooges had gotten drunk on thin air. Now Yukiko-senpai was cracking up and clinging all over Chie, Teddie was swaying like a boat, and Rise - hell, Rise practically had her head in Naoto's lap and Kanji couldn't even admit to himself how jealous he was.
Not that Naoto looked happy either - more scared shitless, and as out of place as a librarian at a biker rally. "Ah...Rise-san...I-I think you should-"
"Aw, Naoto-kun, yooouuu're blushing!" Rise threw her arms up, wrapping one round Naoto's shoulders and smacking him in the face with the other. "You are sooo cute!"
"Dude, this isn't fair!" Yosuke hissed. "Why does the pint-size get all the attention?"
Naoto made a very unhappy, very non-Naoto choking noise.
"Look, R-Rise," Kanji stammered out, "leave him alone, 'kay?"
Rise giggled, then threw back an arm and smacked Naoto in the head again. "Aw, Kanji-kun! Are you _jealous_?"
This set Yukiko off too - "Kanji-kun's jealoush!" - while Chie hissed and elbowed her in the ribs.
"No! No way!" Kanji swung round to Souji, mentally willing him to get up and distract Rise - because the girl had one hell of a thing for him, the whole team knew that - but he just sat rigid in his seat, eyes wide. _Sorry,_ he mouthed.
"Don't worry, Kanji!" Teddie tried to lean towards him but wound up tipping headfirst into his lap. "There's always a place for you in Teddie's heart!"
Kanji nobly responded by shoving Teddie back the other way and into Yukiko's shoulder. Yukiko herself was too busy giggling and wrapping her arms around Chie to notice. Naoto, meanwhile, was now practically moulding himself into his seat in an effort to squirm out of the death grip Rise had on his neck. "Rise-san, please! I'm really not-"
_
Really not into you_, Kanji finished in his head. _Not into you at all_. Meaning, he decided, that Naoto might be one of those guys who wasn't into girls at all, full stop, and maybe that meant he was into something else instead and-
'Kiiiinnng's Game!"
Rise was suddenly on her feet again and blabbing on about Kings and Queens or whatever, leaving Naoto fussing with the collar of his shirt. When Kanji caught his eye for a second, his cheeks turned just a little red.
...Not into girls, maybe?
By now, Rise had segued into a rant about her staff or something - Kanji really wasn't listening - while Chie was trying to grab her with one arm and hold down Yukiko with the other. "Rise! Sit down!"
Naturally, Rise didn't listen. "They're all moooorooons! They make me act like a ditz, call me Risette and stuff, and then they say I'm a kid..." She grinned, still bobbing gently from side to side. "I'm gonna play the King's Game now and ain't _no-one_ gonna stop me!" She swiveled round to Kanji. "Kanji-kun! Get the chopschticks ready!"
"What? Why me?"
The glare that Rise gave him provided an answer, as did the drinks coaster she hurled at his head. "The King's word is law! Chop-chop!"
Kanji muttered something unrepeatable, then stood up from his seat and went downstairs to the bar.
* * *
"C'mon, everyone draw!"
This game still made no sense, even after Yukiko's rambling explanation - and nobody except her and Rise seemed to know what the rules were.
Kanji sighed and pulled a chopstick from the glass on the table. No red mark. Next to him, Souji stared down at his own chopstick - also blank - and let out a breath.
A gasp came from his other side a split-second later, closely followed by Teddie jumping to his feet and almost falling over the table. "Teddie's is red! Red! Is Teddie the King?"
"Oh great," Yosuke muttered. "Doomed from the start."
Teddie grinned, swaying gently and waving a finger at the rest of the group. "I, the King, command thee to smooooch the King without delay!"
Wait, did Naoto have a chopstick? What number was it? Kanji leaned over, trying to see, but he would've had to climb over the table to get close enough. Teddie had better not pick him, that fuzzy little-
"Please God, grant me a girl! Number three!"
Everyone looked at their straw – except Naoto, who apparently hadn't picked one up. Kanji breathed a sigh of relief.
Then he looked down and saw the number on the end of his. Three.
He jumped to his feet. "Gyaah! Wait!"
"Kanji! So you _were _after my fuzzy fur!"
There was a blur of bright yellow and white, a squeak from Rise, Yukiko's unladylike snort of laughter - and Kanji fell hard to the floor, his head smacking against the edge of a nearby table, with Teddie's arms wrapped tightly round his waist.
* * *
It wound up taking both Souji _and _Chie to pull Teddie off. Yosuke contributed too, by laughing the whole time and making a deeply embarrassing situation even more so.
Things got worse still when Naoto knelt down next to Kanji while he was still sprawled on the floor. "Are you injured?"
Kanji tried to roll over, failed, and ended up scrabbling at the floor tiles. "No! No! I'm fine!" Crap, how much of that had Naoto seen? He was just _staring_ at him, one eyebrow slightly quirked (you'd have had to be looking closely, but Kanji usually was.)
Then he reached out his hand.
No way this tiny guy was gonna be able to pull him up, and even if he could, there was no way Kanji could hold his hand without bleeding all over his shirt. But hey, it was a nice gesture. "Uh, s'okay. I-I'm fine."
And he would've been, completely, if Naoto's fingers hadn't suddenly started running over his forehead and hair. "Whoa, _whoa_! N-Naoto, what're -"
"I would think that was obvious."
No, no, it really wasn't - because it was one thing to maybe kind of ask a dude out and another thing completely to start stroking his head in the middle of a nightclub. Sure, this was the city, but... "You can't - seriously, man, not here!"
"...You are right." Naoto glanced around the club, then gestured across the dancefloor. "The restroom, then."
"R-R-Restroom?"
With a quick, business-like nod, Naoto tugged at Kanji's sleeve and urged him to his feet. Kanji followed dumbly as Naoto led him around the edge of the dance-floor, desperately trying to ignore the catcall Rise made as they left. Naoto seemed oblivious to everything, Rise's shrieking included, and just kept pulling Kanji behind him until they were through the restroom door. Half-pulling, if Kanji was being honest. Naoto probably couldn't have dragged Souji's kid cousin, never mind him, which meant there was no way to even pretend he was fighting this.
The restroom was quiet, but it sure as hell wasn't clean - setting off all kinds of twitches in Kanji's head, because how could people let stuff get _dirty _like this? - and it definitely wasn't the place he'd imagined for his first...whatever this was gonna be. Whatever Naoto wanted. Whatever-
"Much better," Naoto said, staring up at the ceiling lights with his hands on his hips. "I'll be able to investigate more closely."
Kanji seriously had no idea what to make of that, so he settled for opening and closing his mouth a few times instead.
Eventually, he managed to speak. "So - uh -wh-what do we -"
Naoto pointed at the floor. "Kneel down, please."
Kanji blinked.
"Y-you want me to go first?" he choked out. "But I've never..."
For a moment, Naoto looked confused, then shook his head. "Tatsumi, there is blood on your forehead. I cannot check the severity of your injury if you do not kneel on the floor." He turned away and glared at the sink. "I am considerably shorter than you."
Oh. _Ohhh._
Kanji's hand flew to his forehead. It came away just a little wet. Damn, he must've hit that table hard.
And _damn_, he very nearly made a total idiot of himself.
Heat was already rushing to his cheeks. He quickly dropped to his knees in front of Naoto and tipped back his head. "Uh. Okay. H-here."
"Thank you. I believe the damage is minor, but all head wounds should be taken seriously." Naoto looked him in the eyes, studying him carefully. "You are flushed. Do you feel sick or dizzy?"
_No more than I usually do around you_, Kanji thought. "N-no. M'good."
Naoto hummed, then pulled a handkerchief from his pocket and began dabbing at the cut. "You should apply antiseptic when we return to the hotel."
Kanji had no answer beyond a nod.
The silence quickly became awkward, at least for him. But maybe this was a good time to...well, figure a few things out - and distract himself from the fact that Naoto Shirogane was actually _touching_ him.
He swallowed. "So, uh - d'you like Yukiko-senpai?"
Naoto stopped. "...What?"
"Yukiko Amagi. Y-y'think she's cute?" If a Yasogami High guy didn't go for Rise, he was probably chasing the Amagi challenge. Stood to reason.
Unless he was into something else completely.
A few moments passed before Naoto responded. "I really wouldn't know. I have no interest in such things."
"Not - even a little bit?"
"My work leaves little time for entanglements." His voice was firmer this time, though there was still an edge Kanji couldn't quite place. "But why did you ask? Are you pursuing Amagi-senpai?"
"N-no! No way! Just, guys go for her, that's all!"
Naoto's hands stopped again. "Oh. I - suppose they must."
Kanji swallowed. "But not me. I don't."
_At least, I don't think so._ Yukiko had been a friend when he was younger, before they'd drifted apart, and she'd always been pretty and nice. He could see why guys liked her, but...
Naoto didn't respond. Maybe he had nothing to say. Kanji was hoping for something, though - maybe, _that's good_ or even _neither do I_ -
"The cut has stopped bleeding," he said, pulling back. He frowned, hand on hip. "I suggest you show more caution in future."
"Wasn't my fault, man! It's Teddie, he was-"
The restroom door swung open.
Both Kanji and Naoto looked up. Standing at the far end of the room, wearing a smirk that made Kanji want to smack him in the teeth, was Yosuke Hanamura.
"Wow, Naoto-kun. You're _eager_." Yosuke turned to Kanji, still smirking. "First Teddie, now Naoto - you're a lucky guy, Kanji!"
Naoto looked puzzled. "Well, yes, he appears to have suffered no permanent damage, but..."
"I mean, dragging another guy into the restroom at a nightclub... just, _wow_, you know?"
Naoto frowned for a moment. Kanji swore he could hear the gears clicking inside his head - as a look of sheer horror slowly crept onto his face. "Oh. _Oh_."
"It - it ain't like that, okay?" Kanji managed, already realizing it was about the least convincing thing he'd ever said.
Naoto quickly moved away. "No, it really, really - Hanamura-senpai, I was just - Tatsumi might have been injured, and-" He glared at Kanji then Yosuke in turn. "I-I will be outside," he muttered, and marched out the bathroom door.
_
Great. _
Kanji scowled at Yosuke. "Dumbass."
Yosuke just grinned.
5. Chapter 5
_A/N: Story so far: The team ended up in a very strange hotel and an even stranger club where Rise and Yukiko got not-quite-inebriated, Naoto failed socially again, and Kanji had a close encounter of the uncomfortable kind._
_In this part: dealing with drunken teammates, a difficult conversation, and a impromptu shopping trip. Spoilers through September 9th.
_
* * *
**September 8th, 2011**
"Where's Shenpai? He's...so aweshome!" Rise was slung over Kanji's left shoulder, voice ringing through the dark back alleys of the Port Island shopping district.
"I told you already, he's takin' back Teddie and Yukiko-senpai," Kanji muttered. "'Cause you're all idiots."
Actually, Chie was handling Yukiko. The idea was that they'd all head back to the hotel separately and avoid disturbing the teachers. Souji and Yosuke were wrestling with Teddie, who'd wanted to stay in the club all night and had to be dragged out by his ankles, leaving Kanji to carry Rise accompanied by Naoto, who was walking beside him, eyes hidden by the brim of his hat.
Kanji glanced sideways. "Hey...you okay, man?"
Naoto nodded, without looking up.
Poor guy. It was Yukiko's fault. She'd blabbed about everything: television world, Personas, Shadows, the works. Lucky she'd been too messed up for much of it to make sense. Naoto had just thought they were making fun of him, though, and he'd been even quieter than usual since.
Rise twisted against Kanji's back, her hands grabbing fistfuls of his shirt. "Aw...ish Naoto-kun down?"
"I am fine."
"I got something to make you feel better!" Rise tried to drop her voice to a whisper. It came out close to a yell. "I know a secret. Yoshuke-senpai told me."
Naoto sighed. "If it is similar to Yukiko-senpai's, I am not interested."
"No, no! It's a _gooood_ one, I promish," Rise slurred, ending with a giggle that turned into a hiccup. "Kanji-kun likes- -"
_Oh crap._
Kanji momentarily considered throwing Rise into the nearest trashcan. Instead, he scowled and snapped, "I d-don't like anything! Shut your mouth!"
Fortunately, she dissolved into another fit of giggles, while Naoto just looked blank or blanker than usual. "As discussed earlier," he said, with a small shake of his head, "we should take care to avoid the faculty on our arrival at the hotel. It will be very difficult to convince them that Rise-san is not truly inebriated."
Kanji's eyebrows jumped. "You...you were serious? About the bar not serving alcohol?"
"Yes. I have no idea what idiocy is affecting your friends," Naoto muttered darkly.
Kanji sighed. "Me neither."
* * *
Fortunately for them all, Rise had dozed off a few minutes before they reached the hotel, meaning it wouldn't be completely impossible for them to make it inside without anyone noticing.
"The building has a side entrance. I noticed it last night," Naoto told him. "It was open at the time, so it would be worth trying now. Follow me."
He still sounded kind of pissed, but he usually did, and at least he'd stopped glaring holes in the ground now. He led Kanji down an alleyway at the side of the hotel, towards a door propped open by a wooden crate. Inside, a set of metal stairs led up to the higher floors.
Kanji blinked. "Whoa, lucky."
"Not particularly. I would prefer that the management put some value on security." Naoto folded his arms. "But with such _clientele_..."
Definitely not getting into _that_ conversation. "D-Dunno what you mean. Just a hotel, right?"
Naoto instantly looked away. "...Never mind."
Thankfully, the conversation ended there. Carrying Rise up the stairs needed Kanji's full attention, especially when she woke up between the second and third floors. She squirmed against his shoulder, tangling one hand in his hair. "Kannnnji-kun...why're you..."
"He is carrying you back to your room, Rise-san. We will arrive there shortly. Please remain quiet."
Asking Rise to stay quiet for more than five seconds was like asking Kanji's ma to backflip up a mountain, or Teddie not to hit on every girl he met - and Kanji was grateful that her room (307, according to Naoto) was close to the stairwell. When they reached the door, he turned to Naoto. "You got her keys?"
"Yes, I took them from her back at the club." He pulled them from his shirt pocket, then quietly unlocked the door and pushed it open.
"Wait, wait! We can't go in there. Girls' room." Man, Naoto should've _known _that.
"I could-" Naoto started, then stopped. "...Well, obviously we cannot enter."
"So what do we do? Leave her out here?"
Naoto hesitated. "No, we should-"
"Guys! Hold up!"
Chie was jogging down the corridor toward them, a bottle of water in her hand. She stopped outside the door and pointed at Rise. "I just remembered you can't take her in her room, so I figured I'd come help." She waved the bottle. "And give her something to drink. I heard people get dehydrated when they're drunk."
Naoto's voice was flatter than ever. "She isn't drunk."
"Well, she's acting it. So was Yukiko!" Chie glared at him, one foot tapping against the floor. "C'mon, guys, I'm beat. Put her down and I'll take her in."
Kanji glanced over his shoulder. "Uh...I think she fell asleep again."
Chie let out an exasperated sigh, then leaned around him. "Rise! Wake up so I can put you to bed!"
With a quiet groan, Rise stirred against his back. "...Ch-Chiiie-shenpai? Hey...you're aweshome too!"
"_Jeez_, Rise. Okay, Kanji-kun, put her down. I'll take it from here."
With a little maneuvering, he managed to pull Rise off his shoulder and set her down in front of him, where Chie could hold her upright. At least, that was the idea. Rise, unfortunately, had other plans. She lurched to one side, away from both Chie and Kanji - and pitched directly towards Naoto.
Chie jerked forward, arms outstretched. "Uh-oh...grab her, Naoto-kun!"
Some hope. Rise was small, but Naoto...well, Naoto was tiny. No contest. The two of them hit the floor in a tangle, Rise with a squeal and Naoto with a sharp, unhappy squeak.
Kanji took half a step forward with his hands raised and absolutely no idea what to do with them. "N-Naoto! You you all right?"
Naoto made a thin, strangled noise from underneath Rise, who was sprawled over his front.
"Sh-shorry, Naoto-kun," she mumbled.
"R-Rise-san, please remove yourself from-"
"Okay, Rise, bedtime!" Chie slipped her hands under the other girl's arms and yanked her to her feet. "You've given these guys enough trouble for one night."
"Aw, Chie-shenpai, I gotta 'pologize to Naoto-kun!"
"No need," muttered Naoto, as he pulled himself into a sitting position. His hat had fallen off. It was the first time Kanji had seen him without it, and something looked a little..._off_, but he couldn't place what.
He bent down toward the smaller boy. "Uh...you okay?"
"Fine," Naoto said, cheeks flushed pink, pointedly not taking Kanji's proffered hand. "P-pass me my cap, please."
Rise was dangerously close to standing on it, so Kanji quickly grabbed the cap from under her feet and handed it to Naoto, who put it on and tugged the brim down further than usual. "Satonaka-senpai. Please take Rise inside."
"Yeah, on our way." Chie began to drag Rise into the room, ignoring her mumbled protests. "Come on, Rise, or I'm gonna kick you into bed!"
They disappeared through the door, and Kanji quickly closed it behind them. Naoto was glaring at the floor again, mouth a thin line.
"Uh. Th-Thanks for helpin' bring her back."
Naoto nodded stiffly. "You should return to your room now. You are sharing with Hanamura-senpai, Seta-senpai and your friend Teddie, correct?" He paused. "How did you engineer that?"
Kanji swallowed. Crap, the kid was on the ball. "T-the other guy they were sharing with dropped out last minute. So I figured it'd be okay. And Ted, he's he's just visiting, it's not like-"
"Don't worry. I will not inform the faculty members." Naoto let out a long breath and pinched the bridge of his nose. "But you must understand, it seems suspicious that you are all-" Then he stopped short and looked Kanji in the eye. "I apologize, Kanji-kun. I am tired."
"You goin' back to your room too?"
"Later. I must ensure my roommates are asleep."
Sounded backwards to Kanji. Better to get there first and not wake them, right? But Naoto was smart, so he probably knew what he was doing. "You, uh, you want some company?"
Naoto shook his head. "No."
_Ouch_. Probably for the best, though. Kanji sucked at conversation and Naoto seemed even worse. He shifted from one leg to another, shoulders hunched. "Oh. Right. Well...g'night."
With a quick nod, Naoto turned to move away.
Shit, this wasn't right. First time the kid had hung out with them all and he had a crappy night. Kanji raised a hand. "Yo, Naoto...uh, wait a sec."
Naoto glanced back, one eyebrow arched. "Hmm?"
"That, that stuff you were saying back at the club. 'Bout your family and being a detective." Kanji swallowed, trying to force the heat from his face. "I-I thought it was cool."
And it was. Kinda badass, as well. Kanji wanted to ask more, except Naoto might think he was weird or worse, making fun again.
Naoto looked at him for a long moment, with an expression Kanji couldn't even begin to figure out, partly because it was making him horribly uncomfortable. Finally, he sighed. "I wasn't sure what else to say. I have no talent for jokes or anecdotes."
"S'okay. Y-you were just tryin' to make friends, right?"
Naoto bristled, the muscles in his narrow shoulders visibly tensing. "No. I am in Inaba solely to solve a murder case. And I know you and your colleagues are somehow involved. I simply thought that if I...if I was honest with you all, perhaps you would..." The sentence trailed off and he rubbed his nose again. "As I said, I am tired. I will see you tomorrow."
Then he turned and stalked down the hall - slightly slower than usual, his head tilted down.
With a sigh, Kanji walked back to the stairwell. Damn weird night all round.
* * *
**September 9th, 2011****
**
Rise seemed just fine the next morning, as well as totally oblivious to everything that had happened the night before. Maybe she really _had _been drunk, although Kanji was more inclined to believe Naoto. _No surprise there_, he thought, and grimaced.
"Y'know, Kanji-kun, if the wind changes you'll stay that way." Rise poked him in the shoulder. "What's up?"
"Nothin'. Just don't wanna go shopping."
They had a few hours to kill before meeting the other students at the train station and Rise had insisted that she needed to go into town. For some reason she'd also insisted he needed to go with her and he hadn't been able to think of a decent excuse to get out of it.
"Oh, don't be like that, Kanji-kun. I wanna get a present for my grandma." She poked him again, this time in the ribs. "You should get something for your mother too."
He frowned. "You think?"
"Of course! She'll be amazed that you thought of it."
Except he hadn't. But he guessed Ma didn't need to know that. "Uh...what should I get her?"
"Well, how about-" Rise stopped short and hopped in place, waving a hand to her left. "Hey, Naoto-kun!"
_Naoto?_
Kanji snapped his head sideways. On the far side of the street, Naoto was leaning against a railing and staring out over the water. Couldn't see his face, but how many people in Port Island would be wearing a cap like that?
Rise tugged at Kanji's arm. "Let's go talk to him."
"Wha-aw, c'mon, we don't need to do that, he's probably busy thinking and-"
"Don't be _shy_, Kanji-kun. Besides, Naoto-kun's always so quiet." She gave a firm nod. "He needs to be brought out of his shell." Then she dashed through the parked cars and across the empty street. "Hey, Naoto-kun!"
Kanji followed in long strides behind her, sighing to himself and wishing he'd gone to the train station early.
At the sound of Rise's voice, Naoto turned around, one hand on his hip. "Rise-san. Kanji-kun. Good morning." His eyes narrowed. "You seem remarkably well, Rise-san."
Rise tipped her head. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"Last night, you were..." He trailed off. "Well, I don't suppose it matters."
"I was what?"
Naoto took a deep breath. "Loud, hysterical and extremely difficult to handle."
Rise blinked.
"She don't remember," Kanji said with a shrug.
Naoto's only response was a flat stare.
"Wait a sec." Rise pressed two fingers to her lips, her brow furrowed. "I think I - oh man, Naoto-kun, was that you I fell on top"
"Irrelevant," muttered Naoto, and tugged down his cap.
"It was! I remember now!" When she grabbed his arm, Naoto immediately went stiff as a board. "I am _so_ sorry, Naoto-kun!"
He said nothing, instead staring at Rise's hand, gripped tight near his elbow.
Kanji tapped her on the shoulder. "Uh. Let him go, Rise."
"Oh. Right!" She pulled away and gave her brightest, most winning smile, freeing Naoto's arm to jerk straight back to his side. "Hey, are you out to buy souvenirs too?"
If possible, he looked even more impassive than usual. "For whom?"
"Well, you were talking about your grandfather before. How about him?
"There would be no purpose. Grampa has visited Port Island previously."
"But it's the thought that counts, right? Or maybe your parents would like something?"
Naoto looked away.
Rise raised her hands. "Okay, okay, no souvenirs. You wanna come with us, though? We're all heading out to get ramen later." She grinned. "I'll treat you."
He shook his head. "Rise-san, there's really no need to-"
"Of course there is. I want to make up for well, whatever I did last night. Falling on you, all that stuff." She wagged a finger. "No refusals!"
"But I-"
"I said, no refusals!"
Naoto turned to Kanji with a vaguely helpless expression.
All Kanji could do was shrug. To be honest, he was a little wary about the idea too. He'd spent more time around Naoto on this trip than in the whole time since they'd met, most if it awkward, and he _still_ couldn't figure out what he wanted or if Naoto even cared. But the past few months had taught him that resisting Rise was like fighting the ocean tide: tiring, pointless, and guaranteed to make you very pissed off very quickly.
"She ain't gonna take no for an answer," he said.
Naoto's fingers tugged at his shirt collar. "Very well."
* * *
As expected, Rise had taken way longer to pick out souvenirs than anyone ever should. Kanji swore she'd looked at everything in the store three times, whereas he'd picked out something in a couple minutes and Naoto had spent the whole time standing by the door and staring into the street. By the time they finally made to the ramen shop, not only was Kanji hungry and kind of pissed, the rest of the team had already ordered.
"Fin'lly! Figured y'weren't gonna schow," Chie mumbled through a mouthful of steak, ending on a wince as Yukiko poked her in the side.
Rise waved her plastic bag. "I had to go shopping! You can't rush that sort of thing, Chie-senpai."
The girls were all sitting at the bar, so Kanji headed for Souji's and Yosuke's table, then glanced back at the door. Naoto was standing in the entrance, staring across the shop with his eyebrows raised. Curious, Kanji followed his gaze which led directly to Teddie, sitting at the other end of the counter in his red and blue bear suit, shoveling noodles through the hole where his mouth would be.
Exactly why he was wearing the suit in public with the cook, the other customers and now Naoto all staring at him was beyond Kanji, but so was almost everything Teddie said and did.
Naoto shook his head and walked over to the counter, pausing by Kanji on the way. "Your friend is very peculiar," he muttered.
"Tell me 'bout it."
With a quiet sigh, Naoto shook his head again and hopped up onto the nearest stool. Kanji couldn't help noticing how much effort the jump took. Shortest kid his age he'd ever seen. When he turned back to the table, ready to sit down, Yosuke was smirking and giving him a sly thumbs-up. Kanji responded with a fierce scowl, and a mental note to kick Hanamura off the station platform before they caught the train back to Inaba.
6. Chapter 6
_A/N: Story so far: The school trip ended but not before Rise proved difficult when drunk, Kanji and Naoto spoke completely different languages, and Naoto chose not to wonder why Teddie wears a bear suit._
_In this part: Kanji can't talk about the weather, Yosuke learns not to run in corridors, and Naoto makes more than one appearance on television. Spoilers through September 14th.
_
* * *
**September 9th, 2011**
As far as Kanji was concerned, Sundays weren't made to be spent indoors, especially when he'd spent hours cooped up on a train the previous afternoon. After answering all the questions his mother rattled off about the trip - carefully leaving out the parts involving bathrooms and not-quite-drunk schoolfriends - he'd finally managed to escape the store for a while and had headed out on a long walk.
He had a spot he liked to visit up on the big hill overlooking the whole town. Nothing special up there save the view, and this early in the morning, while everything was still damp, he figured he'd be the only person up there. This made finding Naoto at the top, leaning against the wooden fence and staring out over Inaba, kind of surprising and, as always, very uncomfortable.
Something was off in his expression, even more than usual, and Kanji's first impulse was turn around and try to make it back down the hill before Naoto looked up. Unfortunately, the chances of someone his size sneaking anywhere were slim to none, and Naoto noticed him almost immediately.
"Tatsumi," he said with a nod.
"Uh...hey."
Another conversation aborted after only two real words. Kanji spent the following awkward silence alternating between pretending to look over the town and shooting sideways glances at Naoto that he hoped the kid wouldn't notice.
"You... uh, enjoying the weather?" he finally asked, staring at the leaden grey clouds overhead and wishing he was better at small talk.
"Not particularly."
"Oh. Right."
...Man, this _sucked_. And it didn't make sense after they'd hung out so much on the trip. Sat next to each other on the way there, been to the nightclub - even if that had turned out kind of weird - then been dragged shopping with Rise the next day. Thinking about it, they'd been around each other nearly the whole time except for the visit to that fancy high school.
"That trip was kinda neat, right?" he said, only half intentionally.
Naoto just shifted forward to lean more heavily against the fence.
A day ago he'd been talking to Kanji just fine, if a little stilted. Now he couldn't say more than a sentence at a time and his whole demeanour was as cold as ice. Like two different people.
"Dammit, why're you-" Kanji started, then stopped and shoved his hands in his pockets. "What's wrong?"
When Naoto answered, his voice was flat and quiet. "None of you are willing to help."
"Help with what?"
"Nor are you willing to be honest. If you were-" He shook his head, and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Personas, shadows, televisions. Diversionary nonsense."
_Just tell him what's up._ Not like Yukiko hadn't spilled it all already. But Naoto hadn't believed them last time - and hell, Kanji wouldn't have either, back in May. And even if Naoto trusted him now, there was no way of knowing that he wouldn't go to the police, who definitely wouldn't believe any of it but could still pull the team in for questioning. Kanji knew well enough how much time-wasting crap the average cop could devise when they wanted to keep someone at the station, even just to spook them.
Besides, none of it mattered now anyway. Mitsuo Kubo was behind bars. No need to get all hung up on this crap.
Kanji did his best to sound confident, though it didn't quite work. "It - it ain't like that, Naoto."
"Tatsumi." Naoto still wasn't looking at him, and when Kanji glanced down, his hands were clenched tight around the top bar of the fence. "What is your involvement in this matter?"
Telling the truth had always been Souji's call, not Kanji's. "N-Nothing. Yukiko-senpai, she, she was just messin' around. You saw how she was."
Naoto finally turned to face him. For a long moment, he just _stared _at Kanji - then turned away again in silence, and rested his elbows on the fence.
Kanji winced. "Look, Naoto - if y'need help with something - then I can, yeah? Just...not about this."
Naoto was still staring out over the town. He didn't answer, and Kanji stood there another half-minute, awkward and bewildered, before giving up and walking back down the hill.
* * *
**September 12th, 2011****
**
Ever since Souji and the others had brought him back, Kanji had been doing his best to help out at home, at least when he wasn't inside a television kicking shadow ass. Cleaning made a nice contrast to that stuff, anyway. Dusting, sweeping, wiping counters - or doing the dishes, like he was now - generally put him in a better mood. Which he sorely needed after stupid Naoto had blanked him in the first floor corridor three times that day.
He frowned, both at the wall and life in general, then pulled another plate from the sink and wiped it with the dishrag. Even in the kitchen he could still hear the faint sound of the television from the living room. Niteline again. Ma was crazy about that show.
"Kanji-chan! Come here, please."
"But Ma, I'm-"
"Yes, dear, I know. I just need to ask you a question."
Kanji put the plate down with a grunt and strode through the door. "Dammit, Ma, I'm in the middle of-"
He stopped a few feet into the living room. On the screen, sitting at a desk Niteline studio next to some asshole in a cheap-looking suit, was Naoto.
Ma gestured towards the television. "That's the Yasogami High uniform. Is that boy in your class?"
"N-no - he's in..." Kanji trailed off, scrunching up the dishrag in his hands. Why was Naoto on television? Had to be about the case - but this didn't seem like something he'd do, not after he'd done his best to avoid or push away almost everyone he'd met. Hell, he'd moved seats just to escape those girls on the train.
"Such a handsome boy," Ma chirped. "So well dressed, too! You ought to follow his example, Kanji-chan, don't think I haven't noticed you wearing your-"
Kanji waved the dishrag at her. "Shut up a minute!"
_
"It's true that our suspect was behind Mr Morooka's unfortunate death. But when I cast my eye over the case as a whole, I detect a few things that seem out of place."_
On screen, the interviewer suddenly fumbled with his script. _"Oh. Ah - l-like what?"
_
Naoto's voice was as smooth as ever. Being on television didn't seem to spook him at all. _"Unfortunately, I cannot divulge details at this time. But this matter claimed the lives of three people, hence I believe that even the smallest inconsistency must be examined."
_
Whoa. The cops weren't going to like _that_. From what Kanji understood, Naoto wasn't even working with them anymore - and there he was on a major television show, basically saying they'd gotten everything wrong.
The interviewer became even more flustered, stammering something about the police's official statement then flipped quickly through his papers. _"Now for our next segment, 'The Detective Prince's True Identity', where Naoto-kun tells us a little bit about himself."_
Kanji grunted. Good luck with _that_. The most they'd gotten out of Naoto was him talking about being a little kid, which had been pretty cool but hadn't told Kanji a thing about how to deal with him now.
_
"Amazingly, the Detective Prince has solved a whopping twenty-four cases. Sixteen of them were conducted alone, without the involvement of his famous grandfather. Shirogane-san, is living up to such an illustrious name a challenge?"_
_"I simply do my best. Many people adopt the careers of their families."_
_"But to investigate a series of murders so young... it must be traumatic for a child, correct?"
_
Even through the slightly fuzzy television picture, Kanji swore Naoto stiffened.
_"Not at all. The situation in Inaba is far from the first such case I have handled."_
_"What about your many admirers?"_ The interviewer was smirking now, one elbow resting on the desk._ "It's said you're a popular figure at your high school. Do you have anyone special in mind?"_
Kanji held his breath.
_
"The question is irrelevant. My work takes precedence."
_
...Irrelevant? Did that mean he did, or didn't, or didn't care? Maybe the interviewer would push it, try to make him-
"I've never seen you take such an interest in Niteline, Kanji-chan." Ma was blabbering right on top of the show. "But stop frowning, you'll get stuck like that."
"Shut it," Kanji muttered, and leaned closer to the television.
* * *
**September 13th, 2011**
Months ago, and after several unpleasantly long Important Talks, Kanji had made a solemn promise to Senpai that he'd show up at school more often. Every day, to be precise, and he was doing a pretty good job. Unfortunately, he hadn't yet mastered the art of showing up on time.
Dangerously close to being late for class - Senpai would find out somehow, he knew it - Kanji sprinted along the path to the school, through the gates, across the yard, into the main building and, rounding the corner of the first-floor corridor, crashed straight into Yosuke Hanamura and knocked them both to the floor.
Yosuke actually squeaked. Probably because he was bearing all of Kanji's weight. "Dammit, Kanji! Get off me!"
Kanji tried to pull himself up onto his knees, but Yosuke kept squirming. "Quit it, man!"
"Kanji-kun?" It was Yukiko, who'd just walked out of the restroom and stopped a few meters away, eyes wide. "Are you alright? And Yosuke?"
"Yukiko!" Yosuke finally rolled out from underneath Kanji and scrambled to his feet. "Oh, this is _so_ not what you think!"
"What would I think-"
"Nothin'," Kanji quickly said as he pulled himself up. Yosuke, meanwhile, squawked something about borrowing Souji's homework before class and took off down the corridor. "Uh...sorry, Yukiko-senpai."
"Why would you - oh, never mind." She shook her head. "I didn't see you on the way in. Did you wake up late again?"
"...Yeah." No point lying, least not to Yukiko. "I was up late." Mostly thinking about what he'd seen on Niteline, and how Naoto had managed to handle an entire interview without saying anything in particular.
Yukiko gave him a small smile. "Don't worry, I won't tell Souji."
"C-Cool, thanks. Hey, uh, you seen Naoto around? He he seemed upset the other day and then I saw him on Niteline last night and-"
"Oh! That's right, you wouldn't have..."
Kanji frowned. "Wouldn't have what?"
"Um, we saw Naoto-kun this morning. He wasn't in his school uniform. I'm a little worried about him." Yukiko dropped her voice almost to a whisper. "He said - well, he said a lot of things, but he definitely knows more than he let on."
It probably didn't work, but Kanji tried to lower his voice in turn. "You mean 'bout what we've been doing?"
"Yes. He thought one of us might be the killer."
"What? You're shi-you're kidding me!" Dammit, Yukiko was a lady. But did Naoto seriously think one of the team, the people he'd hung out with only a few days ago, had been _killing_ people?
"Well," Yukiko said, "when he explained it, it sounded quite plausible. But that doesn't matter, Kanji-kun, he said he'd already changed his mind." She winced. "I think he's figured out what we've _really_ been doing."
_Didn't help that you spilled it all in the club,_ Kanji almost said - then decided that if Yukiko-senpai didn't remember anything that happened that night, he definitely wasn't going to be the one to tell her. "You mean us rescuing each other?"
Her brows angled, and her eyes narrowed. "He said...what was it, now...that we were 'the only ones with the means to pursue the true perpetrator.' I understand that part. But then he said he needed more evidence."
"Thass all he's been doing since he got here. Asking questions, looking for evidence." Kanji grimaced. "And now, trying to solve stuff that's already solved. He ain't gonna find anything new with Kubo already in jail."
He figured he sounded confident, because he definitely _was_, but there was still a fairly long pause before Yukiko spoke.
"...You're right, Kanji-kun. I'm just..." She trailed off, then shook her head again. "Well, I'm sure Naoto-kun's sensible. He wouldn't be a detective otherwise, would he?"
* * *
Kanji spent the gap between each class looking for Naoto, as well as the lunch break: checking in his classroom, walking up to the roof, even waiting by the school gate in case he turned up late. He spent roughly the same amount of time trying to throw Rise off his tail, just so he wouldn't have to listen to her squeal about how totally adorable he was being - "Like a puppy, Kanji-kun, seriously!" - or waste time trying to convince her otherwise. In the end, none of it made a difference. Naoto didn't show.
He did, however, walk past Tatsumi Textiles much later that night.
It was pure luck that Kanji even noticed; he'd moved his sewing table under the window so the light would be better during the day, and he happened to be working there when Naoto passed by. It was dark enough outside that he would've been pissed off at Naoto for being out alone, if the murders hadn't already been solved and if he hadn't just spent an entire school day trying to find the guy.
He stood up, pushed open the window, and called out almost without thinking. "Yo, Naoto! Wait!"
Naoto stopped and glanced up, eyes wide under his cap - then immediately strode off again.
To his credit, Kanji didn't yell louder. That would've woken Ma. Instead, with the benefit of legs practically twice as long as Naoto's, he bolted downstairs, across the shop floor, and out the door into the street. He caught up with Naoto in moments and fell into a walk beside him.
A walk for Kanji, at any rate. For Naoto, whose jaw was clenched tight, it verged on a run. He didn't look up.
"Dammit, I was calling you!" Kanji snapped.
Naoto said nothing - and, on instinct, Kanji reached out and grabbed his shoulder with one hand. The first thing he noticed was the slight padding in the shoulder of the shirt: Naoto had to be smaller than he looked, which was saying something. The second thing was the way Naoto instantly smacked his hand aside and jerked away.
Good reflexes. One hell of a attitude, too. And it was almost exactly the same as last time he'd tried that, except now Naoto was glaring up at Kanji instead of hiding his face.
"Do _not_ do that again," he muttered, adjusting his shirt.
"You wouldn't stop!"
"You - I seem to encounter you every time I Naoto folded his arms over his chest and looked away. "I am positive there are other activities you could be pursuing, Tatsumi-san."
"Kanji. You called me that before."
"Tatsumi-san. Why are you following me?"
"You were walkin' past my house!"
"And you ran downstairs to meet me." Naoto leaned back, hand on hip. "I am simply returning from the police station. This is the most direct route to the bus stop."
"Thought the cops didn't want you 'round no more," Kanji said, rolling his shoulders in a half-assed attempt to relieve their tension.
Naoto bristled. "My professional affairs are none of your concern."
"But you didn't come to school." _Kanji_ was the guy that skipped school. Naoto was supposed to be the type of guy who'd freak at missing five minutes of class. "You sick or something?"
"No," he said flatly. "I simply wanted to check on a few things. Ensure matters are settled."
Far as Kanji was concerned, everything _was_ settled, and Naoto needed to get over it and come back to school and call him by the right damn name. He let out a grunt and ran a hand through his hair. "The case is over, Naoto, Kubo's in jail. You got to be on television and be the big man, and you-"
Naoto rounded on him, eyes blazing, fists clenched. "Do you _really _think that is why I'm still in Inaba?" He was way closer than normal _too _close. "That I, I went on that ridiculous show to-" He stopped short and jolted back, tugging angrily at his cap. "You must think I am-"
"That ain't it," Kanji mumbled, already knowing Naoto wouldn't believe him. "I just..."
Naoto glared at him. "Just _what_?"
"You - you're gonna come back to school tomorrow, right?" He looked down, brow furrowed, feeling increasingly desperate. "You can't keep missing it. S'posed to be the smart guy."
"I have no other option," Naoto muttered - and even under the dim streetlights, Kanji could see him stiffen again, his shoulders tensing and his jaw tightening. "I... trust I will see you again soon, Kanji."
When he walked away this time, Kanji didn't follow.
* * *
**September 14th, 2011**
Naoto hadn't come to school again. Kanji, in turn, had decided he didn't give a shit. Let the kid go sulk or whatever the hell he wanted. It'd been raining the whole day anyway, so it wasn't like Kanji was going to run around looking for him.
It was the rain that had made Souji-senpai insist that everyone check the Midnight Channel tonight, though the request seemed a little weird. Kubo was locked up. Wasn't like it would mean anything if anyone appeared. But Kanji made it a policy to go along with most everything Senpai said - he was smart, after all - and five minutes before midnight, just like always, he stood in front of the television.
The screen was small and the image was flickering, but there was definitely someone standing in the haze. Someone short and kinda skinny.
...was it Naoto?
Kanji shook his head. No way. Naoto was too smart to get himself kidnapped, even if he was stubborn as a mule. And it wouldn't mean anything if it _was_ him, because the killer was in jail, nobody else was going to get thrown in a television and the Midnight Channel didn't matter.
He waited for the image to fade, then flopped back down on his futon. It took over an hour of staring at the ceiling and not thinking about Naoto before he finally fell asleep.
7. Interlude 1
_A/N: A jump sideways; Naoto awaits the inevitable._
* * *
Her watch lit up, then vibrated against her wrist. 19.00 hours.
The elapsed period of time between a subject's appearance on television and their absence first being noticed - whether immediately reported or not - was a rounded average of three days, and in all cases the disappearance had occurred in either the afternoon or evening. Even the hour of her television appearance had been selected to conform with those of the other victims. It was now a matter of waiting.
Naoto sat perched on the edge of her futon, toying distractedly with her tie and occasionally glancing at the open bedroom window.
There was no other choice. All other avenues had been explored. No matter how implausible, there was only one explanation for the choice of victims, and only one explanation for the safe return of the last four.
They should have been _honest_.
No matter. She was capable of doing this unassisted. If this 'investigation team - or whatever absurd moniker they'd assigned themselves - did not ensure her safety, she would escape the kidnapper on her own. Save Yamano, the other victims had all been children, and none had possessed Naoto's degree of expertise and experience.
She stood up and walked to the front room, cap clasped tightly in her hand. As always, the apartment was empty save for her. Hopefully the kidnapper would realize as much and feel confident in striking. She needed this to work.
Even the most incompetent investigator ought to realize that Kubo wasn't the killer. The crime scene was wrong, the cause of death was wrong, and he would have had no opportunity to ever meet Yamano. Naoto had informed the other detectives of this, repeatedly, and none had listened. The Inaba police force consisted entirely of idiots - and Ryotaro Dojima, the only member with any degree of insight, had agreed with her in private conversation then hung her out to dry in front of the superintendent.
_Don't rock the boat_, he'd said. In other words, surrender to the stupidity and apathy of her colleagues.
Dojima had seemed intelligent.
The only option now was to validate her theory directly. Kubo was in jail. Her kidnapping would prove that his sole crime was a bungled copycat killing. Naoto would obtain some evidence to the true killer's identity and modus operandi while awaiting the arrival of Seta and his friends, then present it to the police on her return. She might even apprehend him or her unassisted. Up until that point, Naoto had avoided thinking about the impossible third outcome, but even it held some comfort. A body hanging from a telephone pole would prove quite conclusive.
She'd begun pacing at some point, back and forth in front of the shelves opposite the sofa.
She was putting her faith in _children_. Amateurs playing games, pretending to be detectives, obscuring the facts - and somehow saving each other from the killer. Naoto had been trailing them since Kanji Tatsumi's safe return and was still no wiser as to their true involvement. They were a tight-knit group. She'd known that from the start and the trip to Port Island had confirmed it. It had also confirmed her complete ineptitude for socializing.
Naoto had remained calm and respectful throughout their impromptu meeting at the Escapade nightclub and had done her best to join in with conversation. She had sat through that ridiculous game, withstood Rise Kujikawa crawling on top of her and even attempted a mutual exchange of information. Revealing personal details should have inspired the others to provide a clear explanation of their involvement in the case - not a stream of hysterical nonsense from someone who Naoto had been led to believe was one of the most demure, upstanding young women in town.
Personas, television worlds, shadows. Absurd. They'd been laughing at her the entire time.
Tatsumi had been the only reasonable one there, Hanamura's crude misinterpretations notwithstanding, but his attempts at conversation had still been a transparent ploy to throw her off their trail. She'd been wise not to inform him of her plan. In any case, he wasn't crucial to the team. Naoto had observed their meetings at Junes on multiple occasions, and Tatsumi's attention had almost invariably been devoted to food. Seta was clearly the leader - and of a rather rag-tag group.
And yet they had managed to rescue each other on three occasions. Presumably they would be competent enough to decipher the reasons behind her behavior.
Hopefully they would notice she was gone.
...Of course they would. They _needed_ her.
Naoto paused at the far right of the shelves. Amid the many reference books and binders of papers stood a framed photograph of a slim, dark-suited man with salt and pepper hair. She glanced at the photo, then at her phone resting on the arm of the sofa.
Pointless. Grampa would only worry.
The doorbell rang: once, twice. Naoto almost jumped.
Would the kidnapper approach her so directly?
Her hand tightened around her cap as she walked to the front door - what she would've given for a peephole - and pushed down the handle. She took a deep breath, then pulled the door open revealing nothing outside save the empty hallway.
No visible movement at either end, no doors in the corridor left open, nobody standing by the elevators. Under any other circumstances, it could be construed as a prank. Naoto forced herself to turn away and walked inside without closing the door, expecting what followed even before she heard the footsteps at her back.
A strong arm grabbed her roughly from behind, snaring around her ribs tight enough to hurt, and a rag was shoved over her mouth. It smelled sweet - chloroform, much as she'd guessed. Despite this, her first deep, desperate breath came on instinct.
_Go limp_. _You planned for this._
She dropped as heavily as she could - not difficult, her legs were already turning numb - and kept her breaths as slight and infrequent as possible. Her heart was hammering rapid-fire in her chest, blood pounding in her ears, and she lashed out a feeble kick on instinct.
It didn't connect, and the person behind her only tightened their grip.
_Stay calm. Look at them. Are they male? Female?_
It was impossible. Everything was blurred. The rag was gone and arms were pushing her inside something dark and rough. A bag?
Naoto's head swam. The floor beneath her vanished and her breathing grew quicker, shallower.
_Stop panicking. Analyze. Memorize._
No voices. He was alone. Strong arms. Definitely male. Strong enough to carry her. The walk too, long strides. A door slammed hard somewhere behind them - or in front? Too hard to tell - and then another. Footsteps against concrete and the sound of another door, this one metallic. A jerk upwards, a swing back, a sudden weightless lurch - and the sensation of ice crawling over her skin. Why ice? Where did he - why -
Her head throbbed; reasoning became impossible. The last thing Naoto felt was the jolt as she hit the floor, hard enough to knock out what breath she had left, before the numbness finally won out.
8. Chapter 7
_A/N: Story so far: Following the school trip, Naoto's mood shifted drastically, leading to more than one unpleasant encounter with Kanji and a figure appeared on the Midnight Channel.
_
_In this (long) part: Naoto becomes a regular on television, Kanji freaks, and Chie voices the virtues of beef bowls. Spoilers through September 16th.
_
_Note: Two parts were posted at once: this one and an intermission with Naoto (access the latter via the drop down box). The site had some sort of breakdown and kept removing the new chapters after upload; very sorry if you fine people on alert received a dozen emails.
_
* * *
**September 15th, 2011
**
Whoever it was, they'd _looked _like Naoto. Kanji felt like he should've been able to tell for certain, but the picture had been way too fuzzy - and why would Naoto have been on the Midnight Channel anyway? Kubo was locked up.
None of it made sense. Maybe the Channel had always showed people and Kubo had just started following it. Souji would probably be able figure it out, or Naoto himself, but Kanji just felt confused - and, not for the first time, a little inadequate. And now Naoto wasn't bothering to show up to class at all. Was he just pissed off and sulking?
Still raining, too.
"Kanji?"
Kanji nearly jumped. "Huh... ? Whassup?"
"C'mon, get with the program!" Yosuke rolled his eyes. "You saw the TV last night, right?"
Dumb Hanamura, acting like the Channel was a problem. Which it definitely wasn't. "So? Got nothing to do with us. Killer's behind bars." Kanji nodded firmly. "That shit Naoto said didn't make any sense either, so there's no use getting worked up about it."
Everyone stared.
Yukiko frowned. "Naoto-kun? When were we talking about him?"
"We weren't," Senpai said, one eyebrow raised.
Kanji's first impulse was to ask _why the hell not_. Instead, he launched into the best cover he could manage: rubbing the back of his neck and stammering. "Uh, no, well - h-how do I put it?"
Yosuke rocked back on one heel against the desk, his lips curling into a smirk. "What, were you outta it 'cause you were still thinking about what Naoto said? Dude, I can't believe you're still hung up on all that stuff!"
"I ain't hung up on it!" What, he couldn't even _think _about Naoto without getting ragged on?
"_Yosuke_." Senpai said it the same way Ma would, elbowing Yosuke in the side for emphasis.
It made no difference. "It's okay! We all understand," Yosuke crowed, then winked. "Just don't go overboard, man."
"Dammit, I said that's not it!" Hell, it wasn't worth bothering; Hanamura was and would always be an asshole. Kanji grunted and turned away. "Screw this, I got stuff to do. I'm outta here." With that, he stormed out the classroom door, leaving Chie to start scolding Yosuke as he strode away down the corridor.
* * *
What he hadn't mentioned was that 'stuff to do' involved trying to get hold of Naoto, just to make sure everything was okay. Yosuke would've just given him even more crap over it, and it was a stupid thing to waste time on anyway, given everything was just fine. The rain was hammering against the corridor window and the sky outside was steel grey; if Naoto had any sense, he'd be hanging out at home and keeping dry.
Kanji flipped open his cellphone - then paused. Didn't have Naoto's number. Didn't have his address either. How the hell was he supposed to contact him?
Dumb kid. Getting him all worked up over nothing. Kanji cursed out loud, earning a disapproving glare from a nearby third year, and shoved the phone back in his pocket.
**
**
* * *
He'd cracked in the end. Skipped history class to run home in the rain, caught the bus to the cop shop, then walked right up to the front doors, ready to kick the ass of the first person he saw unless they told him where Naoto was.
Lucky for him, Souji's uncle had been outside smoking. He'd told Kanji to stay away from the police station if he knew what was good for him - and no, Shirogane hadn't been there since two nights ago. Figured, since the cops had pushed Naoto out months back. But that didn't explain what he'd meant by 'settling matters'. Phrased like that, it sounded like he was going away somewhere.
New case, probably. That made sense. Kind of shitty of him to not tell anyone, but that was basically Naoto.
Stuck walking home in a torrential rainstorm - in his rush, he'd only brought enough money for a one-way bus fare - and drenched to his skin, Kanji decided that the next time he saw Naoto, he'd definitely give the kid a piece of his mind.
* * *
"I know you like long walks, Kanji-kun, but what possessed you to go for one in a rainstorm?"
Kanji shrugged, dripping even more water onto the living room floor in the process. Dammit, he'd have to mop later. "Sorry, Ma."
Ma had been clucking unhappily since the moment he'd walked through the door. "You'll catch your death! Here, use another towel."
"I got two already! S'just gonna be more laundry."
Ma ignored him. "Make sure you take a warm shower too. And don't stay up too late! It's already ten."
Two hours till midnight. Senpai had told all of them to make certain they watched this time, like he had a feeling something was up.
"Kanji-kun? Are you listening?"
"Y-Yeah, Ma. I won't." Kanji walked over to the stairs, two white towels over his shoulder and a third on his head. "I'm gonna watch some television first."
He hadn't lied, either he just hadn't mentioned to Ma that he wasn't gonna turn the TV on first. By half-eleven, Kanji was sitting on the floor in front of his small television, feeling considerably less confident than last time.
Stupid damn kid.
* * *
At midnight exactly, the television buzzed and whistled into life, the static quickly resolving into an image. A person.
Kanji had only seen two of these before but he swore the picture now was clearer than ever. And it was Naoto.
He jumped to his feet, cursing under his breath.
Naoto looked the same as always, except he was dressed in a white robe - a lab coat, maybe? - that looked about five sizes too big, the sleeves flapping over his hands. And flapping was the right word, because he kept twirling them around and he was standing all wrong. Behind him... Kanji couldn't see that well, but it looked like a table and a bunch of metal hanging from the ceiling. The spiked shape on the far right might've been a giant drill.
Kubo was locked up. Why the hell was this happening?
_"Good evening, everyone. I am the Detective Prince, Naoto Shirogane!"_
If the stance was wrong, the voice was worse. It wasn't Naoto's. Kanji had seen this late-night B-movie once: a lantern-jawed hero had been rushing around a secret base inside a volcano, trying to rescue his girlfriend from this crazy, over-the-top scientist guy. Naoto was talking just like that. Rise had sounded weird too, doubled in pitch and verging on hysterical, and this had the same edge.
The camera zoomed in on Naoto and he was smiling_._
_"Welcome to 'Experiment of the Century: The Genome Project.'"_ Naoto grinned wider, his eyes bright and his arms making wild gestures. _"I will be experimentor and experimentee both, in a forbidden yet wonderful bodily alteration process!"_
Body alteration? What the hell did that mean? Was he gonna experiment on someone? Was that what the drill was for?
Shit, this was wrong. Kanji's Shadow couldn't have been this bad. Skipping around a bathhouse was a hell of a lot better than chopping people up. Chopping _Naoto _up.
Naoto twirled again. He was moving differently: more exaggerated and relaxed, like he wasn't trying to lock everything down._ "You shall witness my departure into a new realm,"_ he trilled. _"The moment of a new birth!"_
Man, B-movie was right. Talk about hamming it up.
...No, Naoto was in trouble. Had to focus. Shadows represented their owners, right? Or some part of them they didn't want to admit? Far as Kanji knew, his own had wanted to go camp it up in a bathhouse for reasons he generally preferred not to think about, and Rise's had wanted to freaking strip in front of a live audience because she'd thought that was how people saw Risette.
_"From the chosen day forth, I shall walk a completely different path in life!"_ The camera zoomed out again. Naoto waved his arms, white cloth billowing around him. _"And I will share this glorious occasion, this memorable day, with all of you!"_
What did this guy say about Naoto?
_"Do stay tuned!"_ With that, the static faded to black. Kanji stayed standing in front of the television, breathing hard.
Holy_ shit. _He hadn't taken Naoto seriously. Back at Port Island, up on the hill, when they met in the street, Kanji hadn't told him what was going on, hadn't even figured out what he was planning to-
He dialed Souji's number almost on autopilot.
_"Kanji, I-"_
"Hey! Izzat you, Senpai? N-Naoto was just - h-he-" Kanji'd never been a good speaker, and right now it was word soup.
_"I know, it's-"_
"So does this mean he was kidnapped? You said people only show up clearly on TV after they've been thrown in, right?" Meaning Naoto was already in there, had maybe been in there since he quit coming to school. "The hell's going on? I-I thought we caught the damn killer!
Souji's voice was like granite. _"Kanji. Calm down."_
"Crap, s-sorry, Senpai. It's just-"
_"I know. But I need you to keep your temper."_
"Y-Yeah. Sorry." Damn, Kanji was supposed to be better than this. Senpai had talked him about that stuff a couple times, convinced him to stop lashing out, and now he was throwing his weight around just like before. He winced. "S'just... being a detective, solving cases, none of it's worth shit if he gets himself kidnapped, y'know?"
_"Naoto's more reckless than I thought._" Souji let out a breath. "_I should've seen this coming."_
Kanji had started pacing around the room. "Damn, that idiot pisses me off! We'll have to get everyone together and go get him before he"
_"Good idea. But we can't do anything until tomorrow, understand?"
_
What?
No way, they couldn't leave Naoto in there all night, what if he... "But that's-!"
_"Kanji."_
... Souji was the smart one. Smarter than Naoto, that was for sure. Kanji swallowed. "Y-Yeah. Got it, Senpai."
"_Okay, Kanji. Talk to you tomorrow_." The phone clicked as Souji hung up.
Kanji's first impulse and one he was deeply ashamed of was to throw the phone against the wall, storm out of the shop, and find something to break.
But that wasn't him, not really. Just one messed-up part. He could and would do better, keep his shit together and help Naoto out. After that, never mind a piece of his damn mind - he'd pull a Chie and kick the kid into space.
* * *
**September 16th, 2011**
Going to school was about the last thing he wanted to do, especially since he hadn't slept more than an hour all night. Kanji had seriously considered playing hooky and going in the television by himself - but without Teddie he wouldn't be able to get back. Even if he somehow did, Senpai would bitch him out for hours afterward.
It just didn't feel right to sit around in class knowing Naoto was stuck in there. It'd been bad enough with Rise, but Naoto... Naoto was different.
He stormed down the corridor for the fifth time that break period, past his classroom and by the shoe lockers - where he paused. Two first-year girls were standing in front of Naoto's locker, both holding yellow envelopes and giggling quietly. More letters. They didn't even know Naoto.
Kanji didn't either.
"Hey, Kanji-kun." It was Rise, standing at his side and tugging distractedly at his shirt.
"... S'up."
Her eyes followed his gaze towards the lockers. "Oh. I forgot, Naoto gets them too." She shook her head. "I'm used to it, but I think he's too shy."
"Yeah."
She nodded. Her voice was different: as tired and quiet as when they'd first met. "You saw it last night, right?"
The best Kanji could manage was a nod. The girls slipped the two envelopes in next to Naoto's indoor shoes, then darted off the other way down the corridor, one clutching the other's arm and both still giggling.
Rise's hand was still on his shirt. "Naoto's gonna be fine. He has to be." She looked away. "Kanji-kun, it's all my-"
The bell rang for class, and she jerked back. "Oh... I, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. After school."
Kanji glanced down at her. The smile he tried didn't quite work. "Yeah."
* * *
Chie rocked back in her chair, kicking the legs. "C'mon guys. Cheer up. We'll do this." She swung round to Teddie. "What's the verdict, Teddie? Is Naoto-kun really in there?"
Teddie nodded. "I do smell someone."
"It's just like before." Yosuke let out a sigh, then grimaced. "Nothing's changed!"
Nothing was right. They'd been idiots, all of them, they hadn't taken Naoto seriously and now he was-
With a gasp, Yukiko jolted forward. "Of course! That's why Naoto-kun appeared on the news so suddenly!"
Everyone turned to look, even Kanji. An outburst like that just wasn't Yukiko, and her eyes were bright as she leaned forward towards the group. "He said something didn't seem right, and that he wasn't convinced." Her fingers gripped the table's edge. "And he also believed that the people who are kidnapped appear on TV first, right?"
Kanji blinked. Hold on. Was that what Naoto had meant by 'arrangements'? Getting himself ready to...
Yosuke's jaw dropped. "Wait, wait - you're saying he's using himself as bait?"
Though he looked calm as ever, Souji's voice was tight. "We came to the same conclusion he did, and now he's trying to prove his theory." He shook his head. "No way would the police have believed him."
"And we never 'fessed up." Kanji muttered. They could've _stopped_ this.
"So you mean he got kidnapped on purpose?" Chie's hand smacked against the arm of her chair. "That's crazy! He could be killed!"
This was exactly the thought that had kept Kanji awake all night, no matter how hard he'd tried to push it out his head. He'd kept imagining how Saki had been found, hanging limp from a telephone pole - except it wasn't Saki he'd seen.
Rise's voice, quiet as it was, cut directly over his thoughts. Probably _because_ it was still so quiet. "He said, 'This is not a game for me either' ..." She stared down at her hands, biting her lip. "It's all my fault, guys. I'm the one who said that to him."
Trying to prove his theory. Trying to prove he was a real detective or whatever crap he had knocking around in his head. And shit, it wasn't even just Rise's fault, or Souji's. Everyone was to blame - especially Naoto. Kanji leapt up and slammed his hands down on the table, jolting the metal and almost knocking over half the drinks. "That idiot! Why the hell didn't he just tell us!" Him and Naoto, they'd talked. Right before he vanished. All it would've taken was a few words and Kanji could have help-
Which was exactly what Naoto had said up on the hill. Nobody wanting to help him.
"He knew we'd stop him if he did," Yosuke said, grabbing his drink to steady it. "Instead he left us clues so we could figure it out and-"
"I know! That son of a... "
"B-But - what about Kubo?" Chie rocked back in her chair again, eyebrows angled in confusion. "He did kill King Moron, right?"
"Don't matter," Kanji muttered, as he sat back down.
Souji shot him a reproving look. "It does, Kanji. And yeah, Kubo did. But that's all."
"I get it now! I remember Naoto-kun mentioning this!" Yukiko piped up again, just as firmly as before. "He said it was strange that the police were able to identify the cause of Mr. Morooka's death!"
"Then is King Moron the only one Kubo killed?" Yosuke blinked. "That'd explain why there were no signs of him being thrown into the TV!"
Souji nodded. "The killer didn't change their methods for King Moron. It just seemed that way because it was done by someone else." He winced. "We should've realized."
More like they should've _listened_. Naoto had figured this out and they'd ignored him, just so they could believe they'd won. Sat around congratulating themselves all summer. Stupid.
"But why would Kubo take the blame for someone else's crimes?" Chie arched an eyebrow. "Isn't that weird?"
"Maybe he wanted the attention," Souji said with a shrug.
"I guess. There's something else that's been bothering me, but-"
Forget this. Sitting making up theories ideas - those were what had gotten Naoto into this mess, but at least _he'd _acted on them. Kanji jumped up again, fists clenched. "To hell with someone who's behind bars! If we don't get off our asses, that stupid Naoto's gonna die in there! We gotta go find him!"
Everyone stared at him for a moment - then nodded.
"Kanji's right." Souji stood from his chair. "Let's head inside."
* * *
Yosuke had been jumpier than usual about going in the television. He tapped his foot against the black and white floor of the lot, twirling a knife in his left hand. "One of these days, they're gonna catch us. My parents will kill me."
Sat on the floor with his hands on his knees, Souji sighed. "I think we'd have bigger problems than that. Any luck, Rise?"
Himiko was shimmering behind Rise, slim hands holding the visor over her eyes. "Someone's definitely in here - and the world's grown larger."
"That's amazing, Rise-chan!" Teddie chirped. "There's no way my nose can pick up that much. Shall I give you a massage?"
If the bear had eyebrows, he'd have been waggling them. Kanji grunted and kicked at the floor. In turn, Yukiko snorted, Chie groaned and Yosuke snapped, "Don't bother her, Ted!"
"Doesn't matter, Yosuke-senpai. I know Naoto-kun's here, but I can't tell where." Rise let out a sigh. "I need something that'll help me understand him. Without that, I've got no idea which way I should look."
"The same thing I needed with Rise-chan and Kanji," Teddie said with a nod. "Clues!"
What did they have to go on? A couple of sentences at a nightclub, a few meetings over the summer and half-a-month of strange behavior at school. Kanji winced, feeling suddenly sick. "Dammit... there's too much we don't know about that kid. But if we don't do something, he's gonna-"
The rest was cut off by a sharp elbow to his ribs. "Hey! Snap out of it!" Chie insisted. "This is just like all the other times. We don't panic, we keep an eye on the weather, and do this like always. We'll save him, no problem!"
Chie was almost always the optimist, and Kanji tended to follow her - the two bruisers giving all the thinkers a mental kick in the ass. This time, he just couldn't feel it. "I-I know. I-I wasn't panicking," he mumbled. "We know he's here. So all we gotta do is get him out."
Himiko vanished, and Rise stepped forward, her shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry I couldn't find him." She tried for a smile, but it looked weak and wrong. "Some scanner, huh?"
Souji pulled himself to his feet. "You did fine. We've had the same problem with everyone after Yukiko."
"And I think I only worked because you had Chie," Yukiko pointed out.
"All I need is some kind of hint to help me understand him better," Rise said. "Then I could find him for sure!"
Hands on hips, Chie nodded firmly. "Then let's go back out and figure out what we've got."
* * *
By the time they reached the food court again, the light was fading and most of the customers had left. Chie flopped down in her chair and leaned forward over the table. "Okay, guys. What do we know about Naoto-kun?"
Everyone sat in silence.
"He's a detective," Yukiko eventually offered. "And he can't get on with anyone at school."
"Kills a conversation stone dead," Yosuke added, folding his arms.
Rise groaned. "Guys, this isn't helping. I need something more." She paused. "Kanji and I hung out with him in Port Island, but he didn't really say anything unusual."
Kanji'd probably spent more time around Naoto more than anyone, but what he had might not help and he'd take crap from the others for it. Especially Yosuke.
... To hell with it. About time he stopped fussing about what people thought. "He likes detective novels," he muttered, willing himself not to blush. "And he hates attention from the girls at school. Says they don't know him."
"How'd you find _that_ out?" Yosuke asked, eyebrows arched.
Thankfully, Rise stepped in. "Anything else, Kanji-kun?"
"We got that stuff he told us back at the nightclub. 'Bout his family."
Yukiko frowned. "I don't remember _that_."
"Didn't think so," Souji said, with a small smile.
"Oh yeah! And there's the bathroom." Yosuke smirked. "Remember, Kanji?"
"You _want _me to beat the shit outta you?" Hell, if Kanji had his way, he'd take that information to his grave and so would Yosuke - only much sooner.
But - if it'd help Naoto...
Teddie shook his head. "No, no. We need something different. We need to know what's bothering Naoto most. It was just like that when I used my nose to find you, Kanji, and Yosuke said you were totally-"
Yosuke lunged forward and grabbed hold of one small blue ear. "Okay, Ted! Enough!"
"Ow! Yosuke, stop that!"
Forget it. This was important. Kanji's hand moved to the back of his neck. "He - fusses about the case a bunch. Got upset over it a few days back."
"He does talk about it a lot." Yukiko sounded thoughtful. "And didn't he do all this to prove his theory?"
"Guys, a lot of this is just theorizing," said Rise. "I need information from someone who knows him, or maybe who's worked with him." She winced. "Naoto's a difficult one."
"Then we need to go ask around." Yosuke shrugged. "_Someone _in this town's gotta know something about him."
**
**
* * *
Kanji was the first one out the main door of Junes. "So, where do we go first?"
"Home," Souji told him. "It's almost dark."
There were already lights in the windows across the street. Some of the shops looked like they'd closed too. But that didn't mean they had to quit - wasn't like they were afraid of the dark. "Why can't we go ask around now?"
Souji shook his head. "It's late, Kanji. I have to go make sure Nanako's in bed."
Yosuke was leaning against the window, the lights of the Junes lobby glowing behind him. "And I've got a night shift to start."
After that, the excuses just flowed: Yukiko said something about a group reservation at the inn and Rise followed it up with some spiel about helping her grandmother close up the shop. "You ought to help your mother too, Kanji-kun," she said, waving a finger.
"She ain't stuck inside a TV!" Kanji snapped. Bunch of frickin' lightweights.
Chie's hand landed heavily on his back. "Hey, I can help." She smiled. "Got a little longer before my parents send out the search party."
She'd caught him off guard. Kanji blinked. "Uh - thanks."
"Fine, fine. Just don't get into trouble." Souji frowned at them both. "And try not to get anybody mad. We need all the help we can get."
"As if we ever would!" Chie chirped.
Teddie stepped forward. "I'll help too! A dark and starry night, spent alone with Chie-chan!" He glanced at Kanji. "Well, almost."
For the second time that day, Yosuke latched on to an ear. "No way! I'm only working tonight because you screwed up last shift, you can bet you're helping me!"
As he dragged a protesting Teddie indoors, everyone else began to filter away - Yukiko murmuring an apology, Rise giving Kanji a firm warning, and Souji ambling off in silence.
"Man, Souji doesn't trust us." Chie winked up at Kanji. "We can do this without breaking too many heads, right?"
**
**
* * *
"You really think the owner might know something?"
Kanji shrugged. "Naoto likes books. I saw him standing outside the bookshop in the summer. Maybe he bought stuff."
"Figures someone smart would go for books." Chie hummed. "Yukiko's just the same - though most of hers have big beefy guys with long hair on the front," she added, with a roll of her eyes.
When they reached the shop, the owner was outside locking up for the night. Kanji nodded to Chie - it was better that she handled this. He still didn't have that great a grasp on his temper. She returned the nod, then jogged over to the man standing by the door. "Hey! Do you have a moment?"
The man looked up. Even in the dim streetlights, Kanji could tell he was fairly young - or at least too young to be fussing with books. "Who are you?" He peered at Kanji. "Oh, I know you! Tatsumi-san's son, yes?"
Damn, seemed like everyone in the district knew his mother. Wasn't always a good thing. "Yeah, thass me. Y-You got time to help us out?"
He stepped closer. "Depends. What's up?"
"We're looking for someone," Chie said. "Naoto Shirogane, the Detective Prince, he was on TV a few nights back. He walks around here a lot."
"Can't say I've heard the name. I'm not a big fan of television shows. What does he look like?"
"Real small. Dark hair. Always wears a cap." Kanji had to stop himself from adding something about Naoto's eyes.
"Ah, I _have_ seen him, then." The man frowned. "He stands outside my shop. Never buys anything."
"Oh. S-So I guess y'never talked to him?"
"No. He's never even been inside the store." The man shrugged. "Sorry."
Chie smiled. "No problem! Thanks for your help." She grabbed Kanji's arm and tugged hard. "We'll be going now."
Checking with the bookshop had been Kanji's best idea so far. The only other places Naoto went were school and the police station - and the cops liked him about as much as he liked the other students.
They'd never find what they needed. Kanji launched a kick at the ground as he walked, desperately wishing he could go back to that Sunday on the hill and listen to what Naoto had really been trying to say.
"Hey, don't worry." Chie poked him in the side again, this time more gently. "We'll figure something else out. This was just our first try."
They couldn't afford many more, not with Naoto stuck in there by himself. Kanji's memories of his first time in the TV were hazy but a few things stuck out: his Shadow, all that steam, and how totally shit-scared he'd felt.
His jaw tightened._ Keep it together_. Rise had been fine, and so had that asshole Kubo.
"S'good of you to help," he told Chie. "I - I didn't mean to get so riled at everyone."
She shrugged. "It's okay. You're kinda attached to Naoto-kun."
"Wh-What's that s'posed to mean?"
"Well - when we saw you. Back in May." Chie's expression was pitched somewhere between a smile and a wince. "And, and you like - well, he's a boy, and-"
This wasn't going anywhere good. "It ain't like that!"
She cringed. "Um, yeah. Of course not. But you hung out on the school trip, too, and you're in the same year."
"Yeah. And I don't know nothing about him," Kanji muttered, gaze dropping to the ground. "Can't get him outta there."
"Hey! Don't think like that." When he looked up, Chie was shooting him a glare that would've been terrifying if he hadn't felt so messed up. "We're gonna get him out." Her expression softened. "C'mon. I'll treat you to Aiya. I'm starving."
Kanji scowled. "Not hungry."
"Liar. I've seen how much you eat at Junes." She smiled again, though it still looked a little forced, and grabbed his sleeve. "Beef bowls help with thinking, right?"
9. Chapter 8
_A/N: Story so far: Naoto's Shadow made its debut appearance, but the team soon realize they have a lot to learn about the Detective Prince.
_
_In this (again, quite long) part: Kanji makes a resolution, Rise meets Naoto's biggest fan, and Yukiko is less than appropriate. Spoilers through September 18th and for Rise's S-Link. There may be a little delay between this part and the next due to time constraints, but nothing too long. A few liberties are taken with the sequence of events here, just to add some variety. Hope the pacing is okay on this; I realize game time is passing quite slowly.
_
* * *
**September 17th, 2011**
For the first time in years, Kanji woke up for school early - by a whole half-hour. This was followed by five minutes of sitting on his futon mattress wishing they didn't have to go at all; that for just once Senpai would see the merits in skipping out. Zero chance of that. With Kubo, with Rise, probably even with Kanji himself, Souji had always stuck to the same schedule. Sometimes Kanji wondered if that was how he kept things going.
At least they'd be able to ask around at school. Given that Naoto had either brushed off or ignored almost everyone there, Kanji was willing to bet it wouldn't help, but he was out of other ideas. And it was Saturday too, so they could hit up the town in the afternoon. Somebody had to have heard _something_.
He stood up, stretched, then reached for his cellphone on the side table. Maybe he could call Senpai and ask him to come in early too; he'd probably have way more luck asking other kids. Everyone liked him, even the jocks and the third years.
_NEW TEXT MESSAGE
_
Puzzled, Kanji pushed the button to pull up the message. Rise's number appeared at the top of the screen.
_hey kanji-kun can i walk in w/u 2day?_
Rise had texted him many times before, typically to remind him to get his ass to school on time or to show up for a team meeting at Junes. The messages always had a bunch of weird characters in them, stuff Kanji couldn't even find on the damn keypad, and he'd end up holding the phone at arm's length trying figure out whatever emotion, action or object Rise was trying to convey. This time, she'd skipped all that stuff completely.
She'd also never asked to walk in with him before. Kanji frowned, then started tapping at the keys._
_
_No probs be there in 15_
He'd have to hurry it up to be ready on time. Needed to make sure he looked smart today; it might convince people to talk to him.
**
* * *
**
By the time he made it to the tofu store, Rise was already outside, one hand holding her bookbag and the other clutching the opposite shoulder. "Hey, Kanji-kun," she called, then smiled, but there wasn't much feeling in it. "Did you find anything out last night?"
Kanji shrugged. "Nope."
Her grip on her shoulder tightened, fingers pressing against the fabric of her shirt. "Oh. Right. I... sorry I didn't come with. Grandma would've been mad."
"S'alright." He tilted his head. "Why'd you wanna walk in together?"
"Dunno. Just... I guess I wanted someone... " Letting the sentence trail off, she turned and began to walk away. "C'mon, we're gonna be late."
She was as quiet as she'd been yesterday. Still beating herself up, maybe. Kanji grunted in frustration - then moved after her, catching up in a few easy strides. "Ain't your fault," he told her.
Rise let out a small, half-hearted laugh. "I'm supposed to be the perceptive one, Kanji-kun. Don't go stealing my thunder, okay?"
"I notice some stuff. Like the fact that Naoto's bein' an idiot over this." He glanced down at Rise, wondering if he should pat her on the back or something. Girls were hard to figure out. "He'd have pulled this crap no matter what y'said."
She shook her head. "He was such a jerk before... but we should have told him what we were doing. He figured us out, but the television... he wouldn't have known, Kanji-kun."
"Which is why it was dumb of him to follow through on this shit. Counting on us to rescue him." Which was plain _stupid_. What detective went and got themselves caught by the guy they were chasing? "Moron's provin' a point."
"Maybe," Rise murmured, sounding distracted. "There are a lot of things I need to tell him, Kanji-kun, I... we might have stuff in common, you know?" She tugged at the hem of her school shirt. "Being an idol wasn't easy. Being a detective at our age has to be hard too."
Swallowing down the sudden burst of jealousy was tougher than Kanji would've liked. Naoto had never been interested in Rise - he'd ignored her even when she'd been turning on the charm to get hold of his homework - and Rise was too busy flirting with Souji. "Just wanna be friends, right?" he asked.
Rise looked up at him, expression slightly confused. "Well, yeah. I mean, he doesn't fit in, just like you and me."
Kanji wasn't in the mood for pity. "Yeah, right. Everyone likes you."
"They like _Risette_," she told him firmly. "Not Rise. Kanji-kun, you ever wonder why you never saw me round here as a kid?"
He blinked. She was right. Naoki and Yukiko he remembered well - and Chie had been around sometimes, even if she never visited the store. He couldn't recall seeing Rise even when he'd still been going to class. "Uh..."
"Exactly. I was shy." Staring at the ground, Rise folded her arms. "I got bullied at junior school, so I never wanted to show up."
The idea of Rise being shy was ridiculous enough, never mind her getting picked on. "Then how the hell'd you become an idol?"
"Long story. But, yeah, I know it feels. And when we get Naoto-kun back, I'm gonna try my best with him, no matter how much of a jerk he is." She smiled up at Kanji. "Got to stick together, right?"
Back when she joined the team, Rise had seemed exactly like the sort of girl that'd always terrified Kanji; the sort that'd laughed at him when he'd fixed that girl's bag and when his cooking had turned out the best in Home Economics class. She'd already proved him wrong more than once. Sure, she teased him like nothing else, and when it came to team gossip she was frickin' _dangerous, _but she had a good heart. If she was going to make an effort with Naoto, he'd do the same. He owed the kid that much. If he hadn't been so damn passive, and a total pussy with it, he could've stopped Naoto diving straight into this mess. They could've worked together - and maybe Kanji could've figured out what the hell he wanted and if Naoto wanted it too. But there was still chance to change all that.
He smiled back at Rise, and meant it. "Yeah. So long as we kick his ass first."
**
* * *
**
"Look, I just wanna know if you've spoken to him, alright?"
The first-year - Toshio, wasn't it? - stared up, wide-eyed, and pressed his back against the locker. "Wh-who?"
"Naoto. Shirogane. The detective." Kanji grimaced. "Told y'that already. Twice now."
"I-I'm sorry!" stammered Toshio, raising his trembling palms and wilting under Kanji's gaze. "Shirogane-kun, he, he never talked to me. I didn't do anything!"
"Never said you did." This was useless. Kanji heaved a sigh, then backed away. "Go on, get outta here."
Toshio took off before Kanji had even finished speaking, dashing down the corridor and almost barreling into Rise on the way. She shot Kanji a quick grin, which shifted to an exaggerated pout. "Aw, Kanji-kun, I think you scared him."
"He ain't the first." Ten separate attempts at talking to other students and they'd all acted like Kanji was about to beat them round the head with a chair. "Should've expected it."
"It's been kinda the same for me," Rise said, stopping next to him and leaning against the row of lockers. "Um, not that they think I'm gonna hit them. But like I said, everyone thinks they're talking to Risette."
In Kanji's case, everyone figured they were talking to a thug. Some of it wasn't his fault - he couldn't control his height or how quickly he built up muscle - but a bunch of it definitely was. The piercings, the scar, that shit with the bikers, it all added up. He let out a breath, one hand rubbing the back of his head, and Rise grabbed his arm.
"C'mon, Kanji-kun. Now _you're_ the one on a downer. We've gotta keep trying."
"Shame it hasn't done any good yet." When Kanji glanced over his shoulder, Yosuke was ambling towards them from the other end of the corridor. The usual tinny racket rattled from the headphones hanging round his neck. "I got nothing so far. I'm guessing you guys haven't either?"
"Ain't nobody wants to talk to us," muttered Kanji, resisting the urge to kick a boot against the wooden floor.
"Yeah, no surprise," Yosuke said. "Luckily I don't have _that_ problem."
Letting go of Kanji's arm, Rise gave Yosuke a wide-eyed look. "That's strange, Yosuke-senpai! I could've sworn I saw a bunch of first-years laughing at you over by the gym."
Yosuke winced. "Uh, yeah. Misunderstanding." Then he sighed, blowing his hair from his face. "Though it'd be nice if they used my real name instead of 'Junes'."
Frankly, Kanji'd heard worse, especially out in the shopping district. Most of the shopkeepers hated Junes just because it was there. Yosuke was an extension of that - an extension with a smart mouth and a knack for over-confidence. "What 'bout Souji-senpai?" he asked. "You seen him?"
Yosuke shook his head. "He'll be doing great, though. He's awesome with people. I swear, everyone knows him."
"Yeah. It's kinda weird," Rise added, then shrugged. "But Chie-senpai's pretty popular too."
"Satonaka? You serious?"
"Oh yeah. Tons of guys like her too. Maybe not as many as Yukiko-senpai, but they all think she's more approachable." The conviction in Rise's voice was almost scary - just like her ability to magically know what was going on all over the school long before Kanji even got an inkling. Shame it wasn't working with Naoto.
"Huh." Yosuke folded his arms. "I didn't... well, maybe she'll find out something. She can't just be good for kicking stuff." He smirked. "Unlike you, Kanji."
"Shut your face," said Kanji. Usually he'd put more effort in, or maybe threaten some sort of creative violence - but Yosuke wasn't worth it and he already had too much crap to think about. He paused. "Can't y'get Teddie to go look for Naoto? Just from the lot?"
"Dude, are you crazy?" Yosuke stared at him in disbelief. "I don't let Teddie leave the _house_ while I'm at school! And he couldn't find Naoto anyway, his nose is blocked or something. It's down to us for now."
"Or Souji-senpai and Chie-senpai, at least." Rise sighed, twirling a stray strand of her hair around her fingers. "I saw Yukiko-senpai up on the second floor earlier. She's too polite to ask anyone, thinks she needs to start a conversation with them about the weather first."
Sounded about right. "She'll do great in the district, though," Kanji said. "Being polite s'a big deal there."
"Hey, guys!"
The voice came from the stairs. Chie was waving down at them on the landing between the first and second floor. "Any luck?" she asked, hopping down the rest of the steps. Souji and Yukiko followed close behind.
"Nope," Yosuke told her. "You?"
"Maybe." Souji shoved his hands in his jacket pocket, looking thoughtful. "A third-year in the Practice Building mentioned she saw Naoto arguing with someone about a month ago. A policeman."
...Wait.
Kanji smacked his forehead. "Shit! Uh, sorry," he added, with an apologetic glance toward Yukiko, then grimaced. "I, I know what happened. I saw it. Dammit, should've remembered!"
"We don't know if it's important," Yukiko gently reminded him. "What happened?"
"Naoto was tearing this cop a new one outside my ma's store." Kanji dug deeper and tried to pull up the memory. Wasn't difficult; the ones involving Naoto always stuck out. "He said the real killer was still on the loose, right after we helped catch Kubo. Asshole cop blanked him completely." That'd been about it - aside from Kanji trying and failing to help. "You think it's a clue?"
"Not sure. Would you recognize this guy?" Souji asked.
"Yeah. Think so. Always hangin' round the district in the evening." Kanji was tempted to storm right over to the station and drag the jerk out by his ears, except the cops would find some excuse to arrest him on the spot. Dojima was pretty straight up, but some of the other bastards there still bore a grudge.
Souji glanced at Yosuke, who shrugged. "Hey, it's something. Besides, almost everyone else already left school."
"We can ask around in town, too." Rise gestured towards Kanji. "Kanji and I know people there. Yukiko-senpai, too. Even if this cop isn't on patrol till later, we can use the time to ask around."
"Good idea." Souji nodded. "Let's go."
**
* * *
**
"This isn't working as well as I hoped." Yukiko sighed, brushing back another long strand of dark hair behind her ears. "Chie finds it easy to talk to everyone, so I've always let her handle it."
Kanji'd been a little surprised at how much trouble Yukiko had approaching people. In the memories he had of her years ago, she'd always seemed so polite and refined. Left him feeling like a klutz every time she came to the store, wearing kimonos with intricate designs he spent hours trying to replicate from memory. That, he figured, had been 'Amagi Inn' Yukiko. Real Yukiko had all that, sure - but she also fell into fits of laughter than lasted minutes at a time and had gotten maybe-sort-of-drunk at a city nightclub. He sighed. "Hey, I ain't much better."
"Well, at least people aren't running away from you here."
Nope. Instead, they wanted to ask about his ma, how the store was going and when he was going to take those silly lumps of metal out his face. If he heard the name 'Kanji-chan' one more time, he'd probably punch himself in the head. Worse, the cop wasn't around; they'd have to wait till the evening. "We ain't found anything out either," he muttered.
"Maybe we should try the floodplain," Yukiko suggested. "The weather's good, so I'm sure there'll be plenty of people down there."
Kanji shrugged. "I guess." The whole day had been pretty disheartening, but he didn't want to quit, not with Naoto still stuck inside the television, especially with a Shadow who wanted to chop him into bits. Something was definitely up there.
With Yukiko taking the lead, they walked back through the district, following the same route Kanji took to school. The sun was shining and the last of Inaba's usual hot summer still hadn't faded. Yukiko never seemed to feel the heat, but Kanji was glad he'd gone for a sleeveless shirt instead of something smarter.
As they entered the park, she looked up at him. "There's something I don't get, Kanji-kun. Why aren't Naoto-kun's family concerned?"
Kanji frowned. "Uh... I guess they don't know?" But that was dumb. Even with his tendency to disappear for days, Ma had still noticed he'd been gone longer than usual. She'd almost chewed his ear off when he got back; apparently she'd been on the verge of calling the cops.
"But they'd _have_ to notice. My mother called the police straight away." Yukiko winced. "I know she's a little... overprotective, but it's been days since Naoto-kun disappeared. Didn't he mention his grandfather?"
"Yeah... but maybe he... I guess the old man could be out of town, you know?" If anyone was capable of taking care of himself, it'd be Naoto. Except for the the part where he got himself kidnapped on purpose.
Yukiko hummed thoughtfully. "It just seems odd." She looked up. "Oh, Rise-chan's already here!"
Further along the path, Rise was standing next to a young woman, deep in a conversation that had the latter smiling brightly. It was only as he moved closer that Kanji could hear the words.
"...He's just so amazing!" The woman clasped her hands. "He was handsome on the television, but he's _so_ much better in real life. A real detective prince, here in Inaba! I've been trying to talk to him for two months now!"
Yukiko touched his arm. "Kanji-kun, are you alright? You look flushed."
Kanji, not trusting his voice, nodded dumbly.
The woman continued. "I just wish he were a few years older. All those girls at his school, he's probably--"
"Oh, totally!" Rise chirped, with the sort of easy smile that meant she was ignoring someone completely. "Have you seen him in town lately?"
"Not in the past week. I've missed him." The woman hesitated, frowning slightly. "Listen, do you think he likes... you know, more mature women? Not that I'm old! But... well, what do you think?"
Rise glanced down the path at Kanji, smirked, then turned back to the woman. "Sorry, I don't think he's into that kind of thing. Hey, my friends are here, so I gotta go. Thanks for your help!" With that, she darted towards Kanji and Yukiko, leaving the woman looking crestfallen.
Way too old for Naoto. Like he'd ever go for _that_. No point in worrying, Kanji decided, and focused his attention on forcing the heat away from his cheeks.
"Oh, don't worry, Kanji-kun." Rise rolled her eyes. "Pretty sure Naoto isn't into older women. Seeing as he isn't into--"
"Shut up!" Kanji snapped. "You find anything out or what?"
"Not a thing. I seriously think that lady was the first person who didn't realize I was Risette." She sighed. "You know how many autographs I've been asked to sign today?"
This was stupid. A whole bunch of them wandering around the school and town and still nothing to help them find Naoto. Kanji grunted. "Dammit. You seen Souji? He struck gold earlier."
"Nope. Chie and Yosuke aren't doing that great, though. Last time I saw them they were arguing their heads off outside the general store."
Yukiko shook her head, arms folded. "I _told_ Souji not to put them together!"
"Yeah, and I told Souji to put me with him. He didn't." Rise tapped her foot against the path and let out a heavy sigh. "This is so difficult! How did you guys find _me_?"
Kanji had been there for that one. "Eh, it was pretty easy," he told her. "There was your grandma, a few fans at school, this photographer guy by the river... everybody knew you."
"Or they knew Risette," Yukiko corrected him. "But that told us about you in turn, Rise-chan."
Maybe it'd been hard for them to find Kanji, too. The team hadn't known much about him other than that crap they pulled when he met with Naoto. "What 'bout me? Who helped there?"
"Actually... it was Naoto-kun. Your mother told us he'd stopped by to ask after you. Eventually, we found him at Junes."
Naoto had _helped_? "Wh-what did he say?"
Yukiko bit her lip in concentration. "Um. Let's see... he said... he said he'd called you odd. And that you'd behaved strangely. Something about a complex. That was enough to tell us about your... well." She shifted in place. "You know. Your Shadow."
Shit. Had Kanji been that obvious? The odd part, he remembered - even though he didn't want to - but he'd locked it down tight after that, played it all cool. Or so he'd thought. "I'm not odd," he muttered, then cringed. Why the hell was he worrying about that? Naoto had helped save him and Kanji hadn't done shit in return.
He swallowed. "But I gotta make sure I help him, then. S'only fair."
"You will, Kanji-kun." Rise nodded firmly, cellphone in hand. "Listen, it's already five. I promised I'd help Grandma clean up tonight. You guys should walk back with me - and then you can find this cop, okay?"
**
* * *
**
Kanji had spent the best part of the afternoon making sure he remembered the cop's face. The guy had been nondescript - middle-aged, dark hair, average height - and every time Kanji pulled up the memory he was looking at Naoto instead, but there were only so many cops that worked the district.
"Just yell when you see him, okay?" Chie was sitting beside him on the steps outside the old model shop, feet kicking against the concrete.
"It's not a fight, Chie." Yukiko hadn't wanted to sit on the steps; said she'd get her uniform dirty. "We need to be polite."
"Which is why we brought you, Yuki." Chie grinned. "Seriously, though. This should be easy. We can just ask the same old questions. Pretend we're Naoto-kun's friends and that we're worried about him."
Kanji wasn't sure which was sadder: that the only friends Naoto had were pretend, or that after four months he couldn't claim to be any more than that. He scowled at Chie. "I _am _worried about him, alright?"
"Hey... I didn't mean it like that! Kanji-kun, if we were close to Naoto-kun then we'd already know where to find him. That's why we found Yukiko so easily."
"It just took you a long time to get me out," Yukiko quietly pointed out - and Chie winced.
The conversation continued from there - Chie had started apologizing, saying something about needing to get stronger - but Kanji stopped paying attention. At the other end of the district, up near the shrine, he could see someone in uniform. A cop, medium height.
He elbowed Chie, then pointed to the cop. "Thass him! I-I think so, anyway."
"Then let's go!" Chie was on her feet in a moment - the girl had speed - and already walking down the street. Kanji and Yukiko followed close behind.
They'd already agreed Yukiko would do the talking. Kanji wished Souji could've come, but he'd already agreed to meet with this kid he was tutoring. Both Yosuke and Kanji had told him to cancel, on the grounds that Naoto was way more important, but he'd refused, saying it'd be better for the team if he showed up like he'd promised.
Souji was damn hard to figure out sometimes.
By the time they reached him, the cop had stopped to talk to a short guy in a grey suit. Yukiko took a deep breath, then walked closer. "Excuse me, sir?"
The cop turned towards Yukiko, quickly glancing her up and down. "You reporting a crime?"
"N-no, we just--"
"Then quit bothering me. I'm in the middle of something here."
"Don't look like it," Kanji snapped - then drew himself up to his full height and shot the guy in the suit a scowl. It worked. He shrank back, muttered something to the cop, then turned and quickly walked away.
The cop watched him leave, then turned to scowl at Kanji. "Tatsumi, right? Figures. Screw it, I can't be bothered dealing with a bunch of kids.... just go home already."
Lazy bastard. No wonder he'd brushed Naoto off. Kanji grit his teeth.
"Sir, we're just looking for our friend Naoto." Naturally, Yukiko had a much better handle on her temper. Maybe inn customers were assholes too. "Shirogane, the detective. He hasn't been to school lately."
The cop rolled his eyes. "Jeez, that kid's skipping school to do his investigation now? What's his problem?"
Fists already balled, Kanji began to step forward, until Chie grabbed a handful of his shirt and tugged him back.
"I wouldn't know, sir, but we just--"
"The killer's caught, the case is over," the cop interrupted, lips curling into a sneer. "But just because the Detective Prince isn't _satisfied_, he's been giving us grief for weeks!"
"Sir, _please_."
Pausing mid-stream, the cop looked at Yukiko, eyes narrowed. Then he sighed. "Look, all we wanna do is shut the book on this thing so we don't have to deal with it anymore. Inaba's a quiet town, you know? But all your friend Shirogane cares about is his precious case." He shook his head. "No wonder the whole department treats him like a kid. Speaking of which... all of you, scram. It's getting late."
Yukiko nodded. "Very well, sir. Thank you."
Only once the cop was a good twenty meters away did Chie let go of Kanji's shirt. He immediately inspected it, trying to figure out how badly she'd stretched the fabric.
"I swear, Kanji-kun!" she hissed. "I thought you were gonna hit him!"
Scowling, Kanji tucked the shirt back into his pants. "Should've."
"I wish you had," added Yukiko, folding her arms. "Asshole."
Both Kanji and Chie blinked.
Yukiko continued, oblivious. "And he didn't even tell us anything! Oh, I wanted to punch him!"
With a sigh, Chie wrapped her arm round Yukiko's shoulders. "Lucky for him that you didn't, right?"
"He did tell us one thing. He said all the cops treat Naoto like a kid." Kanji shrugged. "If Shadows are based on feelings, maybe we got somethin' to go on."
"Huh. Good point, Kanji-kun." Chie pulled her cellphone from her pocket. "I'll talk to Souji. Dunno how, but he always seems to know when we've got enough." Her finger hovered over the buttons. "On second thoughts, he'll be tutoring. We'll have to talk to him tomorrow."
Kanji's first instinct was to object, and loudly. Instead, he took a deep breath. "We just need to hurry it up," he said carefully. "S'been days. You'd already pulled me out by now."
"I know. But after Naoto helped us you were easy to find and we were strong enough to reach you. We took way longer to get to Rise." Chie glanced sideways. "Same with Yukiko."
"And we were both fine," Yukiko added.
'Fine' was exaggerating. Rise had looked ready to drop when they took down her Shadow. On the other hand, she'd been strong enough to help them fight Teddie's, even if they'd had to carry her out afterwards. It hadn't been _that_ long since Naoto was in there, and for a guy so small he seemed pretty tough. "Yeah," Kanji muttered. "Just hope you're right."
10. Interlude 2
_A/N: Another sideways step. Naoto meets an infuriating doppelganger with a penchant for lab-coats._
___Pronoun choice from Naoto's perspective_. Those of you who've read Quicksilver (first "Naoto in secret base" fic I wrote) will notice more than a few similarities. Once I've seen a scene it's impossible to un-see it - headcanon - but Quicksilver's style is completely wrong for this particular story. Therefore: you may be reading the not-quite-same-but-fairly-close thing twice. Apologies, guys.
* * *
"I will ask again. Who and what are you?"
"And I will ask this: why is interrogation your sole method of communication?"
Naoto stared dully at what absolutely wasn't herself, no matter what form it had taken. It wore her face and her clothes. Those were the only similarities. It was impossible to tell what the clone was even supposed to _be_: girl, boy, girl, it shifted between them with the light.
_Make up your mind,_ she almost snapped - then paused, took a deep breath and forced her pitch low. "You are avoiding the- -"
"Ace detective." The clone's lips curled around the words. "The perfect justification for your inadequacies. Everything an investigation, the whole world a puzzle to be solved." He - she - no, _it_, it tipped its head. "What happens when you can't?"
"That isn't even-"
"All you have is this," it trilled, tapping a labcoat-covered hand against Naoto's head. She jerked back with a hiss. "Nothing else. If you cannot solve this case, what use are you, Naoto-kun? Who would ever need you?"
Naoto gulped, trying to swallow past the tightness in her throat. This... clone, duplicate, fraud - the moniker hardly mattered - was clearly designed to unsettle her. An illusion of some sort. She had wasted her time attempting to speak with him. Her. It. "You are a- a construct. You are irrelevant. I wish to speak with the culprit."
"The culprit. Who would that be?" When Naoto didn't answer, the clone threw back its head and laughed. "And you call yourself a detective!"
_Remain calm. Analyze. Rationalize._ After the lurch as she'd swung through empty air, then the painful impact with the ground, there was nothing. Naoto had woken up with her wrists and ankles strapped to a metal table, blinked clear her blurred vision, and seen herself. Or not herself.
Absolutely none of this made sense.
"I _am_," she muttered - intending to follow through with a more persuasive argument, but her head was fogged and the room had begun to occasionally tip at unpleasant angles. Drugged. She was drugged and dreaming. That, however, would not explain the bruises on her arms. Naoto prodded a particularly vivid one near her left wrist; the sudden throb of pain left her biting her lip. Which hurt too. Awake, then.
_Rationalize_. Ignore the clone, focus on escaping. Where could the culprit have constructed a place such as this? A warehouse, perhaps. But such elaborateness served no purpose, and how would they have known that-
"You aren't _listening_!"
As always, the pitch was higher, weaker; feminine. Childish.
Naoto's jaw tightened.
"Nobody pays attention, it's not fair!" The clone rocked back and forth on its heels, sleeves wrapped over its head. This had happened countless times. Erratic shifts from disdain and supercilious insults to... to this. A child in ill-fitting clothing who sobbed and clung to Naoto like a shadow.
Naoto kept her gaze fixed on the steel floor. The air burned her throat with each breath; an odd mix of formaldehyde, plastic, and motor oil. "I-I have things to think about."
"Always cogitating, Naoto-kun." The deep voice had returned, seeming to echo off both the walls of the room and the inside of her skull. "Your entire life, an endless, relentless analysis of everything around you. Except yourself."
Which was perfectly reasonable. Naoto thrived on questions and mysteries, but only those that had been solved. Answers came via investigation. Answers did not come via others, because some people preferred the questions never be asked at all.
Analyzing herself? Purposeless. There were no question marks.
The clone lurched forward, eyes suddenly wide. "Questions upset people. _You _upset people. If you stayed quiet we wouldn't be alone!"
"Speaking with you is a futile endeavour," Naoto muttered. "Unless you can conduct yourself in a sensible and consistent manner, then-"
"Stop talking like that!" The clone shrieked, thumping its fists against the floor. "Big words, pretend voice... you're so _stupid!_ Nobody believes you!" Its face contorted into another sneer. "You don't fool anyone."
Naoto felt her fists ball up. She forced her fingers to relax. _Remain calm._ "You are just-"
The clone's hand snapped around her collar, jerking her forward. "Focus, Naoto-kun. We are the same." It smiled, stroking her chin with a crooked finger. "Would you believe _me_?"
Their faces were inches apart. Wide eyes, long lashes. Angled cheekbones, thin lips - but the jaw was undefined and the skin far too soft.
How had she ever convinced- -
Naoto growled deep in her throat - stupid, stupid, as if this creature knew _anything _- and pulled back. "You, you're a fraud. A flawed copy, a fake!"
"I see, I see! The Detective Prince is a hypocrite."
It was an absurd nickname. Naoto had not chosen it; had no idea who'd devised it; had never even liked it.
"A prince who doesn't exist and a detective who excels at self-delusion. And underneath?" The clone grinned; everything about it looked wrong. "A scared, stunted little boy-girl-_nothing_."
_Stay calm. Analyze. Rationalize. _
Naoto drew her knees up to her chest and tugged at the brim of her cap.
_
_She would evaluate her situation. Ignore the clone. So far, she'd felt neither thirst or hunger, suggesting that little time had passed. Except she was certain it had - but her watch had stopped, the screen a garbled mass of pixels, despite the lack of any visible damage. Naoto had tried dismantling and reassembling it using the tools scattered around the laboratory, which the clone had found simply fascinating. It had curled around her as she sat on the floor, fists tangled in her shirt.
Shortly after she'd woken up, it had released her from the restraints in a childish fit of tears, begging her to stay and talk and look at its inventions. The comments about the planned _alteration process_ hadn't ceased since. Naoto had her suspicions about what that actually involved.
She turned to look at the clone, who was sprawled stomach-down on the floor. "At... at least tell me where we are."
"You know where we are. You made it."
"Nonsense. I've never seen this place." Naoto tipped back her head and grit her teeth, concentrating on the wires and pipes that snaked across the ceiling.
"You made it," insisted the clone, voice breaking, "and it's your fault we're alone."
Nothing made sense. She'd missed something, hadn't paid close enough attention, had put far too much faith in- -
"We should've asked them." The clone was now sitting upright with its knees curled to its chest. Naoto straightened her own. "Th-they would've helped us."
_I did ask_, Naoto thought. She had questioned them at Port Island, received some cryptic nonsense about televisions and shadows - then asked Tatsumi again days later and been offered only evasiveness. He'd been kind to her in the hotel corridor; for some idiotic reason, she hadn't recognized that for the pity and condescension it had truly been.
"The visit was pointless to begin with, Naoto-kun. A ludicrous waste of time."
Naoto didn't recall speaking out loud. "I had to," she mumbled. "The school required it."
The clone rumbled with laughter, a deep and exaggerated sound that resonated around the room. "Did the school require you to visit a nightclub? Or require you to shop for souvenirs, or to bore them all rigid with your- -"
"Shut up!" she snapped - then caught herself, tensed her muscles. "It, it was for the investigation, I had to- -"
"Admit it, Naoto-kun. You wanted friends. We don't have any."
(In the early summer, before any of this had been real - when the case had been another puzzle box, and all she needed to do was find the right sequence of actions - Grampa had sent her a letter explaining the arrangements he'd made for her to start at Yasogami High in September._ A detective still needs to finish high-school, Naoto. You might make friends_. Naoto had thrown the letter in a drawer.)
Naoto blinked. Why had she remembered-
"That's why nobody's looking for us," the clone said quietly. "Nobody's even noticed."
"Of course they have, I made it perfectly clear what I- -"
"Did you, now? Vague hints and barbed comments. Oh, but they should've listened to the child genius, shouldn't they? So sharp, so brilliant, provoking a murderer just to prove a point!"
("I'm not a damn babysitter," Dojima had snapped, slamming his coffee cup against his desk, five minutes after they'd first met. Naoto had been explaining the errors he'd made in the investigation so far, the missed opportunities and the disregard for the disappearance of Kanji Tatsumi; an action he had not appeared to appreciate.)
The clone crawled closer. Naoto felt a cold hand stroke over the back of her neck. "Why would they even _want _to look for you?"
The inside of Naoto's chest felt suddenly tight, as if something were trying to break through her ribs.
"They need me," she managed.
"Why? What use is a lonely child? One who can't even decide what they are?"
(She'd made the decision at thirteen. At the time, it had seemed both ideal and trivial; merely an extension of her existing behavior. Men's clothing that never quite fit. Bindings and vests that hurt. The constant need to monitor her voice. It was always worth it - she was strong, in control, felt _right _- until the moment each night when she remembered that, for an ace detective, she'd proven remarkably good at selling lies.)
"I will ask you my question again," Naoto said slowly, deliberately, fists clenching then uncurling, "who and what are you?"
"Two. That's two questions." The clone held up two fingers, the labcoat sleeve draping back over its wrist. "Who and what. Naoto-kun, you're slipping."
Of course she wasn't. Dizziness, that's all. The room was spinning more and more, nothing looked right, this ridiculous _fake_ didn't and couldn't look right.
"Trapped in your own creation. Unable to solve a trivial case." The clone leaned closer and whispered against her ear. "Watching children answer questions you never even asked."
(What all the newspaper articles and that absurd interview on Niteline had never mentioned were the cases that hadn't worked out as they should, the two times Naoto had failed completely. After the first, Grampa had told her it was impossible to be right every time. Naoto's first thought had been _why not_.)
"Shut up. J-just shut up. You don't- -"
_Stay calm. Analyze. Rationalize._
The chemicals in the air must have thickened; the walls seemed to disappear behind fog.
"You're tired, Naoto-kun." Fingers still at her neck, tangling in her hair. "You're broken."
The room spun. Naoto screwed her eyes shut.
"But we'll fix you," a voice murmured. It sounded far too much like her own.
* * *
"Wake up! Wake up!"
Naoto's eyes flew open.
Metal floor, green light, bitter chemicals in each breath. She hadn't escaped. Her head was swimming.
Nobody had- -
The clone dashed from console to console, yanking at levers and slamming bunched-up fabric against buttons. "It's all your fault! They're trying to find this place!"
Seta and his team? Impossible. They didn't need her. A false alarm, then.
"We need to lock the doors, set up the defences," the clone continued, yellow eyes frantic and wide. The voice continually shifted now, echo to shriek to something unnerving between the two.
Still curled on one side, Naoto swallowed, her mouth dry. "I thought you said... nobody was coming."
"Shut up! Shut up! They won't find us anyway, won't even find the base, we'll keep them out. We know how to do _that_, don't we? We've always known how to push- -"
The rest faded into background noise. Naoto stared at the floor.
Certain things were impossible. The team finding her was not. That was merely improbable, a statistical unlikelihood, and those could be surpassed. At least, by Seta. On some level, Naoto had always intended to rescue herself...
...But certain things were impossible.
Naoto sat up shakily - fighting another bout of nausea - then pressed her back against the nearest wall, and waited.
11. Chapter 9
_A/N: Story so far: After a fruitless search, the team finally found a lead on Naoto - but Kanji was more than a little concerned by the delay.
_
_In this part: Kanji finally loses his patience, Naoto's a fan of Featherman, and Yosuke discovers the trouble with underclassmen. (Events here are AU, but still fit in the game timeline.)
_
* * *
**September 18th 2011**
"It's not enough," Souji told them.
Kanji wasn't sure how he'd even know. Rise was the scanner. Frankly, there were a bunch of things he didn't understand and one he did: Naoto was still stuck inside the television, days after he'd disappeared. "It's all we got. We gotta try."
Souji shook his head. He was hunched over, his elbows resting on the table. "No point. We'd be better off looking for more information."
"We've _been_ doing that, Souji." Yosuke tapped his foot against the food court tiles. "The only lead we have came from a cop, so why don't we do what I--"
"Dojima's told me not to get involved."
"But he doesn't need to know!"
"Yosuke, he asks questions every time we bring someone back. If he sees me at the station, you have no idea how much trouble I'd be in. All of us." Souji grimaced and leaned back in his chair, ignoring Yosuke, who'd folded his arms and was staring at the ground. "Is there anything else we haven't tried?"
"You know there ain't," Kanji snapped.
Next to him, Yosuke let out a long sigh, then looked up. "Man, I never thought I'd say it... but Kanji's right. C'mon, Souji, all we need to do is ask around." He grinned, brushing stray strands of hair behind his ears. "If we get caught, we'll just say it's for a school project or something."
"Great idea, Dojima's bound to be convinced," muttered Souji - but the shift in his tone and the way Yosuke smirked told Kanji exactly how he'd be spending his Sunday morning.
**
* * *
**
Souji stood at the base of the steps outside the police station, staring up at the main doors, and let out a breath. "Let's get this over with. Kanji--"
"Yeah, I know. Stay out here." And a good distance from the station entrance, too. There'd been no reason for Kanji to come, other than keeping him from stamping around the shopping district. "Go on, I'll wait."
"We'll yell for you if we need some heads broken," Yosuke said with a wink. He nudged Souji in the side. "C'mon, partner."
Honestly, Kanji didn't relish hanging around in full view of a cop shop. Far as the police were concerned, they didn't have a real criminal to catch now. Didn't mean they'd bother him, necessarily, but he might screw things up for Yosuke and Souji, especially since he'd bothered Dojima about Naoto once already. Head tucked down and trying to make himself small as possible - which was not very - he trudged down a side alley to the left of the station. It looked to be crammed with containers and crates, papers and wrappers and empty bottles scattered over the ground. Hands shoved in his pockets, Kanji rounded a particularly big stack of boxes - and almost walked right into a cop, leaning against the wall beside a side door.
He froze in place. _Crap_.
The cop was fiddling with a cigarette lighter, cursing under his breath, so Kanji figured he could back away quietly. It was a great plan, unfortunately ruined when he kicked a bottle near his right foot.
"Uh... s-sorry," he stammered, just as the cop looked up.
"Hey, you got a light?" Didn't even blink at Kanji; just held up a red cigarette lighter. "Damn thing never works right."
"Don't smoke." Not only wasn't he old enough, Ma would kill him. Besides, get that smell in fabric and it'd never come out. His dad should've remembered that.
The cop was a stocky guy, late twenties maybe. He peered up at Kanji. "Huh. Guess you wouldn't. You're that Tatsumi kid, right?"
No point lying. Kanji nodded dumbly, wondering what would be pinned on him this time.
"Big guy, ain't you?" The cop went back to flicking the lighter, unlit cigarette still dangling from his lips. "No wonder you took down those bikers."
People were still talking about that? It'd happened over a year ago and Kanji hadn't even done much; for all the noise, the bikers had been a bunch of pussies. Four of them, and he'd walked away with a few bruises and a couple of small scars. He wasn't proud of what he'd done and Ma hadn't taken it well - but hey, he'd solved the noise problem. "So?"
"Don't get like that. Not all the guys here think what you did was wrong." The lighter finally caught and flickered into life. "Wouldn't mind if you did it again."
Kanji stared at him. "You serious?"
The cop shrugged. "Hell, all those bikers ever did was kick up noise. Besides, it's not like you're gonna report me to my boss, right?" He took a long drag on his cigarette, breathed out the smoke, then grinned. "So, Tatsumi. Why's someone like you hanging out near a police station?"
Kanji didn't even know this guy's name and didn't feel right asking. Telling him the truth... he might let it slip around Souji's uncle. Then again, he might know something about Naoto.
To hell with it; Kanji was desperate. He took a deep breath. "Lookin' for someone. Naoto Shirogane." The name earned an annoyed grunt. "Hey, you know him?"
"Find me a guy here who _doesn't_. Kid's driven half the department up the wall." Much as he'd have liked to contradict that, Kanji could see it. Naoto had pissed _him_ off, multiple times. "Waltzed right on in and started telling us what to do. The detectives got the worst of it, but he's just as much of a dick to the rest of us." Another long drag on the cigarette. "Tried to shoot the breeeze with him once and he stared at me like I'd grown an extra head."
Right now, Kanji didn't particularly want to hear someone ragging on Naoto, no matter how justified it was. "I'm trying t'find him. He ain't been in school lately."
"Huh. Wondered why I hadn't seen him. He kept coming back even after they threw him off the case. Heard he was sleeping at the station back in summer, swear I never saw him leave." The cop leaned his head against the wall, cigarette back at his lips. "Kid's obsessed."
The first few months Kanji had known Naoto - or known _of_ him - he'd seemed like the coolest, calmest guy in the world. He'd made Kanji feel bad for never keeping his temper and getting so hung up on everything. Honestly, Kanji still wasn't sure if he wanted to _be _Naoto, or just be friends with Naoto, or--
He shook his head. Watching Naoto lose it with that cop back in August and the way he'd gotten all torn up right before he disappeared had shaken up those perceptions. Kanji looked back up at the cop, trying to work out if he should ask more, when Yosuke's voice sounded from the end of the alley. "Yo, Kanji!"
Kanji glanced at the cop. "Uh... gotta go, man. Thanks for the chat."
"Whatever." Another shrug, followed by a grin. "Go beat up a few more bikers, alright?"
It was only the second time someone had deliberately told Kanji to get in a fight. Souji had been the first and he'd made it clear that order only held inside the television. As he walked back out of the alley, Kanji decided that some adults were just damn hypocrites.
"How'd it go, Senpai?" he asked. The look on both their faces suggested a less than promising answer.
"Not great. Dojima was there." A dark look crossed Souji's face. "We didn't speak, but he'll know we were asking about Naoto."
"Didn't find much out, either. We tried to talk to a few guys near the front desk and... well, most of them brushed us off and the ones who didn't had nothing good to say." Yosuke winced. "Hate to say it, but Naoto sounds like a real jerk."
"He ain't," muttered Kanji, purely on reflex. What Yosuke had said only echoed what he'd just heard from the cop - which could maybe help. "Listen... I met this cop while you were both gone. Said Naoto had pissed off a whole bunch of people in the department."
"Which is what we heard too," Souji muttered.
Kanji frowned. There had to be something else. "Uh... he also said Naoto was obsessed with the case. That he was at the station day and night before they threw him out. That any good?"
For a long moment, Souji didn't say anything. Just stared at the ground, arms folded, brow furrowed.
Yosuke glanced at Kanji. Kanji glanced at Yosuke. They'd seen Souji do this once before, with Rise, but not for this long. Kanji was just wondering whether smacking his senpai in the head was poor form when Souji finally looked up and nodded firmly. "Yeah. That should do it. I'll call the others tonight and we'll go in tomorrow after school."
Tomorrow? "B-but we got the whole afternoon!" Kanji stammered. "Why are we holdin' out?"
"I have prior plans," Souji said, smooth and even, the dark look from earlier vanished. Kanji's first, white-hot urge was to grab his collar and shake him. "I better get going. See you tomorrow."
As he walked away, cellphone in hand, Kanji moved to follow - until a hand grabbed his forearm.
"Dude." Yosuke gave him a warning look. "Just leave it. You're not going to change his mind."
"You know this is bullshit, right? Senpai's your friend, the hell's up with him?"
Yosuke looked pained. "Wish I knew. He's gotten like this before... just not so bad. But it always works out."
They'd taken their time with Rise too. Kanji hadn't understood the delay then either, and he'd felt terrible about it, but he'd trusted Souji. Everyone had, and still did. The guy made it easy - except, right now, Kanji was finding it _really_ hard to be convinced.
**
* * *
**
**September 19th 2011**
Monday rolled around. Kanji showed up late and barely paid attention to any of his lessons; even earned himself extra work in English class for zoning out. He couldn't find it in him to care. Soon as the last bell rang, he was out the door and on his way to Junes, arriving at the food court long before the rest of the team. Too long. He sat there half an hour, fidgeting and drumming his fingers on the table, before Rise finally showed up.
"Sorry, Kanji-kun. Meeting's off," she told him.
Kanji almost choked. "What? Why?"
"Souji-senpai... he said he can't come today. Something about drama club." Rise smiled weakly. "Guess he forgot, huh?"
It took most of Kanji's limited self-control not to smash the table in half. "_Forgot_?"
Screw being passive. Screw waiting around for frickin' Souji. Kanji grit his teeth and shook his head - half in disbelief, half to shake out the anger - then shoved back the chair and stood up in a single motion. "C'mon, Rise. Gonna need your help."
"What're you--"
Kanji was already storming away through the food court, smacking into almost every table between him and the door, with Rise trotting after him and scattering apologies to customers on the way. As he headed towards the escalator that led up to the electronics department, she finally cottoned on - and grabbed his sleeve. "Oh, _no_. No way. You cannot be--"
"Rise, I gotta do this. An' I need you to come with me. We got the information, you just have to find him." Kanji stared down at her, putting everything he had into willing her to help. Rise didn't get enough credit for what she did. Without him, the team would be a bruiser short; without her, even with Teddie's nose, they'd never leave the lot.
"Don't you dare glare at me!" she snapped. Damn, it hadn't come out how he wanted at all. "You... you're such a jerk, Kanji-kun, and now I have to help you!" She shoved past him and walked up the escalator. Kanji suspected the elbow in his ribs was deliberate.
_Fine. _He followed her up, climbing the moving steps two at a time. Rise could kick up all the fuss she wanted, long as she went in with him. But two people wasn't enough, especially with one who couldn't fight, and they'd need a way to get back out.
... Yosuke worked at Junes on weekdays evenings. Always had to bribe someone into covering his shift whenever they went in the television. If Souji had canceled to go screw around at drama club, Yosuke'd be here. And wherever Yosuke went...
"Rise-chan!"
Kanji looked up. At the top of the escalator stood Teddie, clad in his Junes apron, jumping and waving. "Oh, Rise-chan! Seeing you makes my daily slavery so much--"
Rise growled and shoved past him. "Yosuke-senpai!"
Though Rise wasn't quite as scary as Chie when pissed off, she had her own special brand of vibrant terror. Yosuke, pushing a cart full of DVDs across the floor, nearly ran it into a shelving rack. "W-what? I didn't do anything!"
"That's right! You didn't tell Kanji-kun he's an idiot!" Rise pointed back at Kanji. "So get on with it!"
Teddie nodded, hands on hips. "Do as Rise-chan says, Yosuke! Whatever she's talking about!"
If anyone could get away with causing a scene, it was Rise. Celebrities were supposed to be nuts. Problem was, people were really starting to stare, and if she kept it up they'd get thrown out. "Dammit, Rise, keep it down!"
Rise shot Kanji another glare, but dropped the volume nonetheless. "Kanji-kun, we seriously, seriously can't do this." She folded her arms; it looked more nervous than indignant. "Not without Souji-senpai. And, and if we try, he's gonna be livid."
"Do what without Souji?" Yosuke arched an eyebrow at her. "And why's Kanji an idiot this time?"
"Shut up," Kanji snapped, rough-voiced and frustrated. "I'm sick of waiting around and doing nothing, alright? If Senpai gave a shit about Naoto then he'd--"
"Whoa, whoa. Wait a sec. What're we talking--" Yosuke stopped, his eyes widening. "Oh, you are _kidding_ me."
Kanji glared down at him. "Nope."
"Okay, Rise, I can see this from Kanji, but from _you_?"
"Yosuke-senpai, I have to. Kanji-kun knows that, the big _jerk_!" Rise's voice quavered. "It's my fault Naoto-kun's in there, I have to help him get out!"
One hand running through his hair, Yosuke glanced between them. "Guys, just listen. Chie was almost climbing the walls when Yukiko disappeared, I was freaked out too, but we didn't--"
"That was you," Kanji interrupted. "We ain't waiting."
"Look, Kanji," Yosuke began, palms raised, "I told you, I seriously do not know what's going on with Souji right now, but--"
Fists clenched tight, Kanji stepped closer. "Hell with him. You wanna save Naoto or what?"
**
* * *
**
"This is _such_ a bad idea," Yosuke muttered.
"You don't wanna be here, you know the way out," Kanji snapped back. Something was coiled tight in his stomach and he couldn't resist the urge to kick at the floor of the lot. Himiko shimmered behind Rise as she scanned, using the scraps of information they had as hooks to find Naoto's area of the television world.
"Are you kidding? If I let you wander off and get yourself killed, Souji'll kill me." Yosuke didn't even look that pissed off - just frustrated and nervous, constantly fiddling with the cable on his headphones. "Even if you _are_ being a bull-headed idiot."
Naoto was the bull-headed one. Getting himself thrown inside here, assuming he'd get rescued by a guy who thought prancing around at school clubs was more important than saving someone's life.
Souji Seta was an asshole.
"We can do this," Kanji insisted, jaw clenched. "We're gonna get Naoto and he's gonna be fine."
"Yeah. Because we've totally done this with three people, a scanner and no Souji before."
"I don't get it. Why didn't we tell Sensei we were going inside?" Up until then, Teddie had been unusually quiet. He hadn't even tried to hit on Rise. "I don't like this, Yosuke, it's bear-y strange."
Yosuke cringed. "Just some training, Ted."
"I think I've found him." Rise said, sounding relieved even through the quiver in her voice. "Kanji-kun... are you sure about this?"
The teachers at school had called Kanji dumb long as he could remember, and even he still knew this wasn't the smart thing to do. But it was the right one. He let out a long breath, then lifted his head. "Just show us where to go."
**
* * *
**
For somewhere they'd had such trouble finding, Naoto's area of the TV world was surprisingly close. Surprising all round, too. Unlike the other places Kanji had seen, both when training and on missions, this one didn't seem to have multiple floors - at least not going upwards. From the outside, it looked like a big metal bunker, two massive satellite dishes on top and hazard cones scattered around the portal door.
"Seriously sci-fi," Yosuke said, twirling one of his knives. "Looks like something from... you know, one of those live action shows. Featherman, maybe."
He had a point. Kanji had watched the show every week as a kid. He'd even tried to make himself a copy of the Red Hawk's outfit. "Yeah... a secret hideout. You see the eagle painted on the side?" It wasn't the Featherman logo, but it was close.
"Maybe Naoto likes that stuff," Rise suggested.
Yosuke looked the bunker up and down, then chuckled. "Huh. Guess our proper boy detective isn't as grown up as he looks." With a bright smile, he turned to face Rise and Teddie. "Well, we found it! Great job, guys! Now, let's go back."
"Do what you want," Kanji growled. "I'm going inside."
"Kanji, can't we just wait for Sensei?" Teddie pleaded. "Without him we're--"
"Wait for Souji, we'll wait forever. Naoto don't have that long."
"... Kanji-kun's right. Naoto-kun's already been in here a week. Remember how long it took us to get through Mitsuo's dungeon? Even though we knew where it was?" Rise took a deep breath, shoulders tensing. "We've gotta start somewhere," she added - then winced. "Even if Senpai's never gonna speak to me again, I have to do this."
"But Sensei's not here!" Teddie's voice was high and desperate. "Yosuke, what do we do?"
Yosuke looked from Rise to Kanji in turn, still twirling his knife, eyes narrowed - then shook his head. "Underclassmen," he muttered. "You're all nuts."
**
* * *
**
Take-Mikazuchi towering at his side, Kanji swung around, sent a bolt of Zio crashing down - and barely managed to dodge as it bounced right back off the Gigas.
This wasn't right. He'd seen these guys back in Mitsuo's place, or something like them. The team had hit those assholes with everything, no problem at all.
He glanced over at Yosuke, ready to tell him to run - and missed the rightmost Gigas charge forward. Still busted up from the last fight, Kanji couldn't move fast enough to dodge. The impact from the Gigas' fists almost shattered his shield and sent shockwaves vibrating along his arms.
This was only their third fight. They'd barely made it through the first two.
_Guys, I'm looking for an opening, hang tight!_ They'd left Rise alone back at the exit, something they'd never done before. Kanji was counting on nothing reaching her.
"_Jiraiya_!" A blast of wind rushed past, almost knocking Kanji aside, and hit the Gigas in the chest. The shadow barely even stumbled.
_Try ice! I think it'll hit too!_
Teddie had ice, but Rise should've known all his juice had gone on healing. Both Yosuke and Kanji had been pummeled almost to a pulp in the last fight. "Dammit, Rise, find us a way out!"
_Kanji-kun, I'm trying! I don't think we're up to fighting these guys, we shouldn't have--_
Mid-sentence, Rise's voice vanished. Kanji's stomach twisted.
He'd taken too many hits, was all. Just couldn't pay attention. Desperate, he raced forward and swiped his shield against the side of the smallest Gigas, thinking he'd take down at least one of them - but the blow didn't take. Kanji dodged the counterattack by mere centimeters, the shadow's fist breezing past his head. When he jumped back, the shield itself was dented.
One-on-one with a shadow this powerful, he didn't stand a chance.
Yosuke was still calling Jiraiya, now with Teddie cowering behind him - but neither him nor his Persona were made for heavy combat. He kept edging back towards the wall, Teddie in tow. Another Gigas had already moved behind them in the corridor, and without Rise to find them an opening...
Kanji growled deep in his throat and made a dash for the nearest shadow. "_Mighty Swing_!"
Take-Mikazuchi materialized behind him, the air crackling with electricity, and rushed alongside him. Kanji skidded to a halt and punched towards the floor. His Persona mimicked the movement, smashing a fist down against the Gigas.
It wasn't enough. The shadow staggered back but didn't fall - and the attack had drained Kanji more than he'd expected. Dizzy and disorientated, he darted left when he meant to move right, didn't raise his shield in time. The last thing he saw was the flash of black and yellow rushing towards him, before everything went dark.
**
* * *
**
Light erupted in front of him - but when his eyelids flew open, all Kanji saw was a blurred mess of colors. There were voices, too, but they sounded like their owners were underwater, or maybe Kanji was, he couldn't tell. He was lying on his back, and whatever was beneath him was softer and more uneven than the metal floors of the base. Every muscle in his body ached.
Gradually, the voices became clearer - Kanji swore he recognized them - and the smudged edges in his field of vision began to sharpen and contract. He blinked, twice, and the dark shape right above him resolved into a completely expressionless Souji Seta.
"Kanji," he said, slow and eerily calm, "what were you doing?" His outline was framed by the red and black sky behind him; they were outside the base.
At first, Kanji's voice wouldn't come. When it did, it was scratchy and weak. "We... we were getting Naoto."
Souji nodded. "Uh-huh. And how'd it go?"
Kanji thought of the Gigas shadows; of the empty spot in his mind when Rise's voice disappeared; of Teddie and Yosuke pinned against the pipes on the corridor wall.
He didn't answer, instead trying to looking around for the others - but Souji grabbed him by his shirt collar. "You're an idiot, Kanji," he snapped. "I knew this would happen!"
"You... you knew we'd go in?"
"No! I didn't think you were all so damn--" Souji stopped dead, every muscle in his face tensing - though there was more feeling in his eyes than Kanji could ever recall seeing. When he spoke again, his voice was level and quiet. "Even without me there, you should've been able to make it through three fights. I knew we weren't ready for this."
"Good for you, Senpai," Kanji muttered between his teeth, forcing himself to sit up and wincing at the burst of pain in his head. "Now go get the others and we'll go back in there!"
"Kanji, listen for once." Souji's hands gripped his shoulders. "We're not ready. You almost got yourself killed on the first floor. We barely made it through Kubo's world and we haven't trained since. We're not _ready_."
"Because you keep waiting around! I don't get it. Why're you... he, he's stuck in here, and you don't even care!"
Souji's face was terrifyingly still. "Don't _ever_ say that."
"So why haven't we _got _him yet?" If someone was in trouble, and you cared, you went right in and helped them. No messing around. "Why're you goin' to school clubs instead of fighting?"
"I... I have to. I can't tell you exactly why. Believe me, there's a good reason, and it's also why you're still alive," Souji added quietly. "But that's finished for now. We just need to train."
"_What_?"
"We did the same thing before Kubo, remember? Five days worth."
"Naoto's different!" Now on his feet, Kanji glared down at him. "This is bullshit. Senpai, you, you got Personas coming out your damn ears, you've got it together, you can handle anything!"
"I can't, Kanji, especially not by myself. I need the rest of you. We owe it to Naoto to get this right."
"But you're just-- he's still--"
Souji leaned closer, voice dropping to a near-whisper. "Remember all those rumors about you bullying other kids? How I came and checked your story first?"
"So?"
"I believed in you. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Do the same for me."
Kanji couldn't hold Souji's gaze. He turned his head, gulping down his protests. Yosuke, Teddie and Rise were huddled together a few meters away, under a tree. All three were staring.
Souji took silence as confirmation. "Just trust me." He turned to the others. "Come on. Let's head back."
All five started walking - Teddie hanging close to Souji, Yosuke a few steps behind, and Rise bringing up the rear with Himiko floating at her side. Kanji fell into line with her, trying to match her pace. "Rise, listen--"
"Not now, Kanji-kun." Her voice was tight and cracked at the edges. "Senpai's already... just, not now, okay?"
They stayed in silence till they reached the studio lot. Souji, Teddie and Rise each jumped out in turn - but Yosuke paused by the television and looked over his shoulder. "You'll probably punch me for this, Kanji... but you're an idiot."
"Yeah." Kanji swallowed. "I screwed up. Senpai's pissed."
"Huh... you think you got bitched out badly, wait till he talks to me," Yosuke muttered. His expression turned sheepish. "I... I called him before we went in. Left a message, just in case. Probably figured that out, huh?
Kanji hadn't. Wasn't worth getting angry anyway, not when Souji had saved their asses. Just like always.
"Kanji... I get how you feel, kind of. Trust me on that. But dude, it's screwed up that you're like this over Naoto-kun." Yosuke hesitated, watching him carefully. "And... I'm not just talking about the guy thing. You don't even _know_ him."
There was a smart response to that, one that'd prove Yosuke wrong. But when Kanji hadn't even known enough about Naoto to help find him, what was the point in lying?
Outside of Junes, Souji told them to go home and get some rest. "We'll train for the next few days, make it intensive." His gaze settled on Kanji. "If we really put the effort in, we'll be able to make this work."
And thinking about it, it was a great idea. Made a lot of sense. Shadow forms were hard to take down and the team needed to get through the rest of Naoto's base as quickly and easily as possible. So Kanji nodded, told Souji he was totally right, said goodbye to Rise and Yosuke, then walked down the alley behind Junes and punched the wall so hard his knuckles bled.
* * *
**October 6th 2011**
They'd had two straight days of rain; the heavy stuff, too, which had never been good news.
_That's fine_, Souji had said when it first set in. Sometimes rain was just rain. Still plenty of time to get Naoto. Except, looking outside his bedroom window now, Kanji couldn't see anything but fog.
The sound of the rain hammering against the roof had stopped less than an hour ago, just before midnight. Real fog never crept on this quick. But Senpai knew what he was doing - Kanji had been stupid to ever question that - and he'd said they were done with training now. They'd go back in the television tomorrow after school, bust their way through that secret base, find Naoto and bring him back. Kanji kept telling himself this all night, thinking about what he'd say to Naoto when they did - right up until the moment when he looked out the window into the early morning sun, and saw the slight body hanging from the telephone wires high above the district.
* * *
**September 23rd 2011**
Kanji eyes snapped open.
His breathing was shallow, ragged - like his ribs were crushing his lungs - but he still bolted upright in bed and looked toward the calendar. Friday... September 23rd. Outside, he could see the dawn sky was clear of clouds.
Holding his breath, Kanji walked to the window, leaned over the sewing table and stared up at the wires.
Nothing there. It hadn't happened. Kanji wasn't entirely sure why he thought it had.
But it could. After four days of training he felt stronger than ever, but angrier and tighter too, as if all his muscles had coiled up like springs. Souji still hadn't said when they'd go get Naoto. Maybe Kanji was just too dumb to understand - but even Chie and Yosuke were restless now, and Rise had been strung out since their first attempt.
He flopped back down on his futon, unwilling and unable to go back to sleep, and wondered how he could ask Souji what the hell was going on without losing his rag completely. Minutes later, his phone buzzed against the table - and when Kanji picked it up, Souji's number was at the top of the screen, a text message beneath.
_We're ready. Meet at Junes, after school._
12. Chapter 10
_A/N: LONGEST CHAPTER EVER. Sorry, everyone. I have trouble reading 5000+ word chapters, so writing one is poor form.
_
_Story so far: Patience exhausted, Kanji tried to play the hero and screwed it all up. Souji, true to form, bailed him out (but may or may not have done the same for Naoto)_
_In this part: Robots are made of plastic, Chie kicks off heads, Naoto's a jerk - and the team find out a little secret.
_
* * *
**September 23rd 2011**
"So this is it, huh?" Chie tipped back her head, watching the blinking lights on the roof of the metal bunker. "Not what I expected. I figured it'd be like an old detective movie, not a military base."
"Well, that's the point," Yukiko said. "These worlds, they're always something the owner's kept hidden."
Yosuke smirked. "Guess Naoto's deep, dark secret is that he wants to be a Featherman Ranger."
The conversation continued, but Kanji was too caught up to listen. He had the impression Souji still hadn't forgiven him. Rise _definitely_ hadn't. Worse, he kept coming back to last night's dream. He could remember every detail, from the feel of the air outside, to the exact color of the sky, to the way the body had been twisted as if-
He shook his head. It hadn't happened. Just his mind working overtime, making him unsettled - and it didn't help that Souji's decision to tackle the base had come out of nowhere. They were supposed to head back to Void Quest today. Kanji wasn't complaining, though, not if it finally meant they'd get to Naoto. It just felt really weird - and the dream had felt more real than any other he'd had.
"Kanji, you're on the first team." Souji didn't turn to look at him. "You too, Chie, and Yukiko."
"C'mon, Souji," Yosuke whined. "You benched me for most of Kubo's. When do I get a shot?"
Usually, Souji would've rolled his eyes and told Yosuke to stop fussing; maybe even made light of it. Instead, he walked toward the entrance to the base and stepped through the portal without a word. Chie and Yukiko followed close behind.
Kanji couldn't even figure out why Souji had picked him after the stupid shit he'd pulled. It'd seemed so right at the time - he'd take everyone in, and they'd go find Naoto, kick his Shadow's ass and bring him back, because that was how it always worked.
At least, if you were Souji Seta. If you were smart.
Kanji glanced back at Rise, and Teddie standing behind her, then followed the others through.
* * *
"Whoa." Chie was bent double, hands on her knees. "I'll give Naoto-kun credit. He _really_ doesn't want us here."
"No kidding," Kanji grunted. They'd heard the same thing every time they descended another floor: a metallic voice from somewhere in the walls, like a much louder version of the Junes P.A. system. It'd started out just telling them to leave, but by the fourth flight of stairs it'd decided they needed some help. Straight out of a fight with four Wild Drives and a trio of Mighty Beasts right before that, the whole team was in rough shape.
Souji tilted his head, face tinted green by the lighting overhead. "Rise, do we have some breathing space?"
_Nothing near you right now, guys. Just another really big door up at the end of the corridor. Locked, like the last one._
"Again?" Kanji's first instinct had been to smash the door to pieces, but like almost everything else in this place it was built of metal and rivets. He'd have either broken his shield - which Daidara had only just fixed up - or shaken his teeth out.
"Like I said, Naoto-kun's trying to keep us out. Remind me to kick him later," Chie added with a growl.
Kanji was about to tell Chie she'd have to join the damn queue when a wave washed over him, heating up his skin and easing the scrapes and bruises. Always reminded him of sitting round a campfire. "Thanks, Yukiko-senpai."
"No problem, Kanji-kun." Yukiko was already casting on Chie, Amaterasu floating semi-transparent behind her. "I wonder if the last door mattered? We still found a way down here."
"Everything has a purpose," Souji pointed out. "At least in these places. Let's check out the door."
They edged closer. Last time the door had started yelling at them when they were just over a meter away; even Souji had flinched.
Again, the voice echoed from the walls, even though there was no visible source. _"BEYOND THIS POINT IS CONFIDENTIAL." _
Hands on hips, Chie groaned. "Here we go again."
_"ENTRY IS FORBIDDEN FOR ORDINARY COMBATANTS AND RESEARCHERS. PLEASE PRESENT YOUR ID."_
"Who're you calling ordinary?" Kanji snapped - immediately feeling a little stupid - then growled under his breath. "Same damn thing as last time!"
"No... that 'researchers' part is different. And the last door said it lead to a research area." Souji looked away, gaze fixed on a point somewhere in mid-air. "Rise, did we miss any other paths?"
_Just one, Senpai. But all I'm seeing down there is a chest... no other exits._
He shrugged. "Might be something useful. Come on, guys."
They traced back their steps, Rise checking the area for any stray shadows, and made their way down the dead-end walkway. Reaching the chest first, Chie knelt down and lifted the lid. Kanji couldn't see what she pulled out until she turned around, holding a small blue plastic card in her hand. The word _RESEARCH_ was scrawled across it in shaky capitals, in what looked like a little kid's handwriting.
She shook her head and let out a deep sigh. "Man, I never get the good stuff!"
"Wait, Chie - remember that first door? It said it was to the research area, and that card's-"
"Well, _duh_, Yukiko_._ I figured that out already. Not just good for kicking things." Chie grimaced, flipping the card between her fingers. "Despite what Hanamura says."
"You sure it's not for the door we were just at?" Kanji really hoped it was, because the thought of fighting back through two floors made shaking out his teeth seem like a great option.
Souji nodded. "Forbidden for researchers, remember?" He heaved his sword to his side. "Looks like we're heading back up."
* * *
To Rise's credit, they reached the door with relatively little trouble. She kept them dodging round corners and through empty corridors, only wound up in two very brief battles on the way back.
_"ENTRY IS FORBIDDEN FOR ORDINARY COMBATANTS. PLEASE PRESENT YOUR ID."_
"Anything behind there, Rise?" Souji asked quietly.
_Nope... but I can feel something strong further inside. I think it's one of the special shadows. Be careful, okay?_
"Figures," Kanji muttered. Same way it always worked. Midway through the floors, they had to fight a powerful shadow, the first layer of a person's psyche; peel that away and they'd clear the path to Naoto's real Shadow, his true self.
"Let's get this over with." Souji pulled the card from his pocket and swiped it in the reader.
At first, nothing happened. Souji had just lifted his hand to swipe the card a second time when a deep, hollow rumble of turning gears set the floor vibrating beneath their feet - and, with the grinding of metal on metal, the door slid open in two separate sections. Behind, there was just another walkway, identical to the rest. "Don't look much like a research area to me," Kanji said.
_Guys, there should be a door up ahead on your left. Don't go in till you're ready to fight. I'm positive the shadow's there._
The four of them moved down the walkway in near silence, passing more Featherman symbols and flashing red lights, and paused outside the door. "Everyone ready?" Souji whispered.
Three nods came in turn. Souji gave them one of his own - then slammed his palm against the button on the wall.
Again, the door shuddered open, only slightly less loudly than the last. Kanji moved in first, shield already raised, the others following close behind - and stopped.
"You're kidding me," he muttered.
"And I thought Rise's was weird," mused Chie.
"Pretty sure I've got a model kit like that," Souji added, eyebrows raised.
The shadow wasn't just a giant red robot. It was a giant red robot that Kanji swore he'd once seen turn into a truck on a television show. It looked like it should be made of plastic and sold in Junes. It was also carrying a giant sword, which it raised high into the air as soon as it noticed the team.
Souji yelled at them all to scatter, Kanji leapt to his left - and felt the whistle of air as the blade missed him by centimeters and crashed into the floor.
_No weaknesses, guys, no strengths either. Hammer it!_
Kanji called Take-Mikazuchi before he even made it to his feet. _"Ziodyne!"_
New one. He'd picked it up during training, almost felt his skin buzz the first time he used it. The bolt - sharper and brighter - crashed into the robot, knocking it back. Kanji would've assumed that electricity would mess a machine up bad, but nothing ever made sense inside the television. Maybe the thing really _was_ made of plastic.
Chie ran forward from behind him, jumped, then launched into a kick that should've snapped her leg in half. Instead she smashed a hole clean through the robot's armored chest. Souji must've powered her up.
_Kanji-kun, this...uh, robot thing, it uses charges. Senpai's working support. We're counting on you and Chie-senpai to smack it down, okay?_
It was the first time Rise had spoken to him in nearly a week. "Gotcha," Kanji answered, raising his shield for another attack.
This time, he didn't summon. Big mistake. The robot swiped its sword in a wide arc, caught him with the flat of the blade - about all he had to be grateful for - and hurled him into the wall.
He cursed out loud when he hit the ground, mouth watering with pain. A dull, cold throb gripped the back of his calf as he tried to stand, but he still threw himself into a half-stumble back towards the robot. Halfway there he smashed his card and called for Take-Mikazuchi, feeling warm heat course through his leg at the same time.
Across the room, Yukiko shot him a smile. Kanji grinned back - and fired off another Ziodyne. His reward was a metallic shriek, layered with the spluttering crackle of electricity over metal, as the robot almost toppled backward.
Chie whooped, punching the air. "Good one, Kanji!"
Now angry, or scared, or whatever the hell shadows felt, the robot lashed out blindly. Yukiko was fast enough to jump back. Souji wasn't. Yatagarasu took the worst of the hit - Senpai would be in two separate chunks otherwise - but he still fell hard, blood spraying over the metal floor.
_Souji-senpai's down! And the shadow's powering up!_
The robot paused, arms and legs beginning to glow. Didn't move even when Chie smashed a Black Spot directly against its head. Take-Mikazuchi and Suzuka Gongen were both bruisers, with no way to drain the charge; the best option Kanji had was to block. The right thing to do, though, was to run over and take the hit for Yukiko. She was right next to Souji on the floor, Amaterasu at her side.
But what Kanji _wanted _to do - just for a instant, and even though it was Yukiko - was let her take it and finish the shadow himself. Save time, go get Naoto.
...Screw that. Kanji might've been an idiot, but he wasn't an asshole. He sprinted towards Souji, summoning as he ran - leaving Take-Mikazuchi to drive a fist straight into the robot's abdomen just before it slashed down its sword. At the same time, Kanji skidded in front of Yukiko, already feeling a burst of fear, then cursed under his breath and thrust his shield over his head.
The blade almost cleaved it in two - but it held.
Souji was back on his feet, a different Persona floating behind him. Kanji couldn't remember the name. Whatever it was called, it had a pumpkin for a head. Man, Senpai had some _really_ stupid-looking Personas.
_
Almost there, guys. Hit it with everything you have!_
"Chie, Kanji, push for another attack! Yukiko, Agidyne!" Souji yelled. _"Masukukaja!"_
Limbs instantly lighter, Kanji hurtled towards the shadow, firing off two Ziodynes in quick succession. The first deflected off the robot's sword - but the second slammed directly into the dent Chie had left in its chest.
It shrieked again, a high-pitched buzzing squeal. The sound cut off instantly when Chie almost _flew_ across the room in a flying kick, legs glowing with a power charge, and caught the robot in the neck. Its head rocked sideways - snapped wires and piping visible underneath - and, with a burst of static and a crunch of metal, tore off and crashed to the ground.
Kanji blinked. "Holy crap, Chie-senpai."
As she picked herself up from the floor, Chie gave him a sheepish smile. "Wow. Didn't expect that one to work."
"I know Naoto's made things difficult," Souji said, "but try not to do that to him."
Looking at the wreckage of the robot, Kanji almost felt bad; like he'd just smashed up a kid's toy. Stupid, given the thing had tried to kill him. He wandered over to Yukiko, who was kneeling by the robot's head and holding a red card, same size as the blue one with the same shaky handwriting. _LEADER_. Underneath was another falcon crest and what looked like a crudely-drawn picture of Souji.
"Why's _he_ on there?" Kanji muttered - thankfully under his breath, since Souji chose that moment to walk up behind him.
"Enough for today, guys," he said. "We'll finish up tomorrow."
"Senpai, you serious? We're close!" Kanji shook his head fiercely. "You send back Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai, pull up Teddie and Yosuke, we'll do this!"
Chie made an indignant noise in her throat. "Tatsumi, are you saying you can handle more than me? Because-"
"We're _leaving_," Souji said firmly. "I'm drained too, and Kanji, don't pretend you're not tired. We'll be back tomorrow, I promise. You'll be on the team."
Frustration and impatience both reared up again - and somewhere at the back of his mind, Kanji could still see a body hanging from the telephone wires. But he also remembered Souji asking for his trust.
He swallowed, throat tight. "Okay, Senpai. You better stick to that."
Souji looked him in the eye. "No delays. Not this time."
* * *
**September 24th 2011**
"Can't believe he benched me." Kanji aimed another kick at the studio lot floor. "What a load of crap."
Yosuke was already lying down with his arms spread out behind his head. He'd taken up the position soon as they'd entered the television; it almost matched the bodies outlined beneath him. "Try being me, Kanji. Jiraiya's probably forgotten who I am." He sighed. "I'll call the big guy up and he'll smack my head off."
Kanji hesitated. "Uh... did Senpai leave you here... is it because of what I did? Goin' in without him?"
"Nah. He's been doing this ever since we got Rise. Wish I knew why."
"You're already pretty strong, Yosuke-senpai." Even when concentrating on the team, Rise couldn't stand to be left out of a conversation. "Souji-senpai probably wants to get everyone up to speed."
"Well... just in case it is down to me... sorry, man." Saying it didn't change anything, but Kanji felt a little better. "You too, Rise."
After a few seconds silence, Rise nodded, Himiko's visor following the motion. "No worries, Kanji. You didn't force me into it, you know?"
Yosuke just shrugged. "Both of you wanted to help Naoto, I wanted Rise not to kill me. Guess we all had our reasons."
The conversation died out after that. Kanji didn't know how to restart it, Rise was scanning, and Yosuke seemed vaguely miserable. Hours seemed to pass before Rise finally spoke.
"Okay, they're on their way back. Senpai says you both need to get ready. He wants you on the team to fight Naoto's Shadow."
Souji had remembered. Kanji couldn't hide his grin. "Awesome!"
Yosuke, meanwhile, just stared at Rise in disbelief. "_Me_? Are you sure your ears are working?"
"Yes, Yosuke-senpai." Himiko's visor vanished, and Rise shot him a glare. "Now, get up off the floor."
* * *
"Naoto-kun's definitely inside, guys." Rise stood with them this time, Himiko floating behind her in the corridor. "But there's something different. I think his Shadow's there too."
"Figures." Souji turned to the team. "Get ready. Going by past example, we'll have to fight it."
"You know, I wish humans would just learn to accept themselves," Teddie lamented, with a heavy sigh.
Yosuke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, because we didn't fight a creepy giant bear a few months ago."
"We gonna stand out here and talk?" Kanji snapped. "C'mon, let's get this over with!"
Souji gave a quick nod, then slammed his hand against the door control. It rumbled open, the two sections sliding apart.
The team ran inside - and out onto a wide metal platform, same green light overhead. The area around them was crammed full of machines and monitors, each one buzzing or beeping or rattling, but the opposite side of the chamber looked like an operating theatre. Bright white floodlights overhead, a buzzsaw and drill hanging either side of a long steel table, all stained with blood - and, standing in front, two Naotos.
Kanji stopped short, Chie almost slamming into his back. "Naoto!"
The Naotos looked to be in the middle of an argument - good luck with _that_, Kanji thought - but on hearing his name, the nearest one turned around. His expression was perfectly blank. "It's about time you arrived," he said flatly. "Dealing with this child has been quite a pain."
Not a scrap of gratitude. Figured, but at least he sounded okay.
The other Naoto looked up too, startled, and grabbed the first one's arm. He wore a lab-coat far too big for his frame, the sleeves completely covering his hands, and his eyes were bright yellow. Naoto's Shadow, then. And he was _sobbing_. "No! No, no, don't go!"
Naoto stared at the floor, not even trying to pull away; looking closely, Kanji noticed his legs trembling. "This is useless. I need to go back now."
The Shadow's shoulders shook, tears streaming down his face and soaking into the fabric of his coat. "Why? Why are you leaving me here? Why am I always left alone?"
Though Naoto's lips moved, Kanji was too far away to hear what he said. Whatever it was, it only made the Shadow sob harder. "It's s-so lonely, I don't wanna be alone!"
In response, Naoto just rolled his eyes.
Kanji didn't know what was worse: the fact that he almost felt more sorry for the Shadow than for Naoto, or the fact that the Shadow _was _Naoto, that this was what went on inside the kid's head. His stomach knotted, a ball of lead weighing him down.
Yukiko murmured something beside him and moved to step forward, halted by Chie's arm around her waist. "Wait, Yukiko. We gotta let this play out, remember?"
"I see you still wear the same face as me," Naoto said, louder now, tone not quite level. "But the similarities end there. The difference between me and you is-"
"Differences? Why delude yourself? I _am_ you." The Shadow switched voices seamlessly, into the same deep, exaggerated tone he'd used on the Midnight Channel. He turned to the team, casting one sleeve toward himself. "These childish gestures are no mere affectation - they're the truth!"
For a moment, Naoto looked horrified. He grabbed the Shadow's arm and pulled him back, hissing something under his breath.
"What?" the Shadow sneered. "The fools all say it, don't they? 'You're only a child,' 'Keep out of our business, kid' - doesn't that sound familiar?"
"That, that has nothing to do-"
"But it's the key to everything, isn't it? No matter how many cases you spend hours cogitating over, no matter how many crimes you solve, you're a child in their eyes! It's only your brain they're interested in, the grey matter locked up in that skull." The Shadow swung an arm towards the team. "Just like _them_."
Naoto's eyes followed the gesture - and Kanji was terrified he'd be crying, just like his Shadow had. Seeing the same blank stare was somehow much worse.
He lurched forward. "Naoto, that ain't true, don't-"
"Kanji." Souji's hand was on his shoulder. "We didn't interrupt yours either, remember? We can't."
Dammit. It'd been the same with Rise's, and Kubo's. Kanji straightened his back, his muscles taut.
"An impeccable performance, Naoto-kun. You've demonstrated how very, very clever you are, and how utterly wrong these children were. I'm sure they're all _quite_ intimidated." The Shadow draped a sleeve over Naoto's shoulder. "What happens now?"
Naoto opened his mouth slightly, as if to respond - then closed it and looked away.
"Oh, but you already know!" the Shadow trilled. "As long as people need your talents, you're an ace detective - but when you're done, out the door you go."
The two of them still faced the team - one sneering, the other staring at the floor. Naoto ducked his head, eyes totally hidden under the brim of his cap, and the Shadow shoved him aside with a snarl. "And yet the outcome surprises you, _every single time_! Society is two-faced and playing pretend does nothing to deal with that. The _real_ adults will always win - and you, you're just a lonely child!"
Kanji winced.
It didn't make sense. 'Lonely' was someone who wanted friends but didn't know how to find them. It wasn't a kid who acted ice-cold and pushed everyone away. Above all, it wasn't Naoto.
At his side, Yosuke then glanced at him, then Souji, and ran a hand through his hair. "I _really_ hate this part."
Naoto hadn't spoken since the start of the Shadow's rant. He just stood there, looking pale, shoulders slumped, never quite looking at either the team or his Shadow. The latter watched Naoto carefully for a few moments - before his expression changed again, his whole face seeming to shift under the green and white light. He started to cry, his whole body jerking with sobs as he rubbed his sleeves against his eyes.
Kanji felt Rise grab his hand. "I don't want to see this," she murmured. "Kubo was different. I-I don't think we should be-"
"We _have_ to," Chie insisted. "I didn't want to see Yukiko's, or yours, or Kanji's - but you can't accept your Shadow without confronting it. Naoto-kun's no different."
"I-I wanna be a grown-up!" The Shadow choked, voice higher than ever. "I wanna be a big boy right now, then, then they'll see - I'll show them who I am! I...I want a reason for me to stay!"
"That's enough! I can find my own reason for living!"
"Impossible, Naoto-kun. You are but a child." Another seamless shift - and with a tip of his head, the Shadow curled his lips into a sneer. "How can you change that essential truth?"
Naoto's fists balled at his sides. "S-Stop it...!"
"Simply put, you cannot. You idolize the sort of 'strong' and 'cool' men who populate detective fiction, but for all your efforts to emulate them, all your attempts to dissemble, you know full well you're nothing of the sort." The Shadow stepped forward, placing both hands firmly on Naoto's shoulders. "You're a _child_."
Naoto's hands unfurled from fists and flew to cover his ears. "Don't! Don't you dare call-"
The sentence stopped short. Naoto shot the briefest of glance at the team - then stepped back, dropped his hands, and clamped one firmly against his hip. The same practiced pose Kanji had seen before. It hadn't been convincing even then.
"Endless affectations," the Shadow clucked, scowling. "But there's no avoiding first principles. Admit that you're a child, and admit that there's nothing you can do about it!" He spun towards the operating table, lab-coat twirling around him. "Now then! Our analysis is complete. Let us begin the body alteration procedure!"
Chie sucked in a breath. "Wait, is that what the drill's for?"
"We gotta do something!" hissed Kanji. "_Your_ Shadow ever try to chop you up?"
Across the room, the Shadow was perched on the table and smirking at Naoto. "So strong! So silent! Presumably you have no objections... 'Naoto' Shirogane."
Naoto twisted oddly, like one half of him wanted to do something but the other didn't - and the movement ended in a foot stamped hard against the floor. _"Stop it!" _
The Shadow just chuckled and rocked back on the table, heels kicking against the side. "'Naoto'... such a cool, manly name! But a name doesn't change the truth. It doesn't let you cross the barrier between the sexes!"
Kanji blinked. Beside him, Souji drew a sharp breath. Naoto, meanwhile, had turned away completely.
Barrier between...?
Nah. No way. He'd just heard that wrong.
The Shadow leaned forward, chin resting on its hand, eyes wide and curious. "Tell me, Naoto-kun...how could you become an ideal man when you were never male to begin with?"
For several moments, nobody moved. Or breathed.
Yosuke was the first to regain the power of speech - sort of. "Wait, what... ? Did he - did I hear that right?"
Kanji, whose brain had seized up completely, didn't fare much better. "H-He's not a guy?"
"I _knew_ it!" Teddie chirped from somewhere behind Souji. "Teddie always knows a- ow, Sensei!"
Still turned away, Naoto pulled off his hat and ran his hand through his disheveled hair. "I won't throw a tantrum," he hissed. "That accomplishes nothing!"
The Shadow's deep, manic laugh echoed through the chamber. "Ah, how often I've heard those words from the adults! 'Throwing a tantrum won't solve anything, Naoto-kun,' and other such bilge!" He jumped down from the table and sauntered over to Naoto. "They made you cry, didn't they?"
Naoto just shivered, gaze fixed firmly at a point on the right wall.
"Yet here you are, mimicking those same men. What _exactly _are you trying to justify?"
"What... ?" Judging by the shift in stance, if Naoto had been anyone else, Kanji would've expected him to barrel forward and punch his Shadow out cold.
Wait. Her. Maybe?
"It's all right. You needn't suffer anymore." The Shadow's voice was smooth, almost gentle. He trailed a finger under Naoto's chin. "That's why you're undergoing this bodily alteration procedure. That's why you need to be fixed - and then everything will be so much better."
Alteration procedure. Not just turning Naoto into an adult, but turning him - turning her -
Kanji grimaced. Sooner they fought this thing, the better. Smashing it up would be nice and simple.
"I-I don't want..." Naoto edged away, glancing from the Shadow to the team and back again - before shaking his head, then wiping his hand over his face.
"You throw a tantrum, but it fails to change the situation a single bit!" The Shadow tutted sadly. "I can quite understand the feeling." Eyes glowing brighter than ever, he paused, tipped his head, and smirked. "After all, I _am_ you."
Naoto blinked. For a split-second, he looked lost - then shocked, then, finally, furious. _"That's not true!"_
Guy really _did_ sound like a girl there, Kanji thought, and inwardly kicked himself.
Chie lunged forward. "No, Naoto-kun, don't say it!" This time, she tried to run ahead, but Kanji blocked her with one arm held out straight.
He'd wanted to intervene before, too, swoop in and save Naoto. But save him from what? Finally manning up and facing his problems?
...Manning up. Kanji wanted to laugh, thought it really wasn't funny.
"It's okay," he insisted. Hell, they sat through this same routine every single time. No point dragging it out. "Let the kid spill the whole thing. If not, Naoto's gonna keep hurting. We'll just do our job and kick the Shadow's ass, yeah?"
Hands still curled into fists, Naoto glanced over his shoulder at Kanji, a totally unfamiliar expression on his face.
Her face. Kanji would have to keep that in mind.
He lifted his shield and shot the Shadow a glare. The sole response was another hysterical laugh. "As if you know anything about me! You'll kick my ass, huh? Go ahead and try, you lizard-brained imbecile!"
Fine, the words weren't actually Naoto's. That didn't keep Kanji from feeling a little hurt - something he pushed aside for future deep contemplation when the floor around the Shadow began to turn black. Dark fog rose up from the metal and swirled thickly around the Shadow's legs, spiralling up until even the yellow glow of his eyes disappeared.
Yosuke pushed past, knives raised. "Save the discussion for later!"
Souji's card was already in his hand. "Kanji, Yosuke, up front! Yukiko, with me! The rest of you, behind!"
"Here it comes!" Rise yelled, just before the thick mass of fog burst open.
The blast sent the real Naoto flying as his true Shadow leapt into the air... still looking very much like Naoto. Or half-Naoto, half-robot. One side of its face jet black, the other all metal and wires, wings sprouting from its back and torches firing from its feet. Kanji made a mental note to look for this one in the Junes toy department too as he darted across the room to grab Naoto from the floor.
He - she, whatever - was out cold, hat beside his head. Picking up both it and its owner, Kanji finally realized why the latter looked so odd without it. Almost like a girl.
_Save it for later, Tatsumi. _He'd already promised himself he'd kick Naoto's ass then too, as payback for this whole stupid stunt. "Keep an eye on him," he told Chie, leaving Naoto with her and running back to the fight.
The Shadow's head whirred as it tracked the team's movements. It raised one arm, leveling its gun at the center of the group - and when it spoke, it was in the same deep voice as before. "Are you sick of yourselves too? We'll soon fix that. Let's begin the special operation!"
"Bring it on, man!" Kanji snapped. "I'll pull you through this!"
At least, he intended to. He just didn't want to hit something that looked so much like Naoto.
Rise's Shadow hadn't resembled her at all. Kubo's had been even weirder; not that Kanji would've minded beating up on him. Would've been awesome stress relief. But Naoto was different, and - caught up in indecision - Kanji missed his cue completely. He should've followed through on Yosuke's first attack, but instead he froze - and the Shadow plunged down and rocketed towards him, one wing clipping him round the head and knocking him to the floor.
His ears were ringing, Souji was yelling, and Rise had just started up too. A stream of fire burst over his head, earning a metallic shriek.
_Kanji, get it together! Use elemental attacks!
_
Take-Mikazuchi was already at his side as he scrambled to his feet. Kanji couldn't remember calling him. _"Ziodyne!"_
The bolt slammed home, knocking the Shadow off course on another barrel roll towards Souji. Yosuke and Jiraiya followed up with a blast of wind that threw it across the room. The one advantage of its resemblance to Naoto was the similarity in size. Compared to giant robots and pixel monsters, it should've been an easy takedown.
Unfortunately, the Shadow was _fast_. It crashed into a metal girder, hit the floor, and instantly shot into the air. When it raised its laser pistol, Kanji raised his shield in turn - but instead of the heat of a laser blast, shards of ice hammered against the metal. Somewhere behind him, Yukiko let out a cry of pain.
"Rise, dammit," he hissed. "You never told us it used ice!"
_I didn't know! I didn't think it could... but Senpai's got Yukiko, you just worry about hitting it!_
That, he could handle. Kanji ran forward and smashed his shield against the Shadow's left side just as Yosuke slashed through its right. Wires and gears crunched together, some falling to the floor.
Buzzing and whirring, the Shadow recoiled. It turned to Kanji - looking far too much like Naoto - and shook its head.
_"This will never do,"_ it insisted. _"Patients must lie still for me to drill proper holes into-"_
Another jet of fire, straight past Kanji's right shoulder and into the Shadow's chest. It jerked back in a squeal of high-pitched static. When it hit the floor, his first instinct was to pull it up.
Stupid. This wasn't Naoto. Nothing like him. Kanji grit his teeth, lifted his shield, and smashed it down against the Shadow's head. Black ichor oozed out from one side, sparks firing out from the other.
_Good one, Kanji! Senpai's on debuffs, you and Yosuke-senpai keep smashing it. Yukiko-senpai's got your back._
Kanji nodded, mouth dry. He figured he should hit the Shadow again, but it just kept jerking and twisting against the floor, electricity crackling over its arms and legs. Swallowing hard, he lifted his shield for another attack - and the Shadow shot up and knocked it from his hands. The last thing he remembered after that was the flash of light above his head, just before an energy blast threw him so far back he almost slammed into the door they'd come in by.
Take-Mikazuchi started up a wordless stream of anger that bounced off the inside of his skull. Kanji settled for lying on the floor and trying not to move. He could hear the fight raging behind him: rushing flames, shattering ice, buzzes and crackles and beeps.
Stupid true Shadow. Shouldn't look so much like its owner. Kanji couldn't remember his being like him.
"Kanji! Wake up!"
He'd been out for most of that one, though.
"Tatsumi, you pick yourself up _right now_!"
Kanji's eyes cracked open. Overhead, Chie blurred in and out of his vision, looking increasingly pissed off each time. "Mm..wasurr?"
She shook him by the shoulders. "C'mon, get up! They need you!"
"Mmmrgg," Kanji managed. He tipped his head sideways and saw Naoto sprawled on the floor to his right, still out cold.
"Oh, for crying... Teddie, get over here," Chie muttered, frowning down at him. "Teddie'll help you. I'll fill your spot. Soon as you feel like getting up and doing something, let me know, okay?"
Kanji let out a grunt he hoped she'd interpret as agreement. Chie frowned again, shook her head, then vanished, leaving him blinking at the ceiling.
Footsteps squeaked to his left. "Kanji! What's... ooh, _that_ doesn't look good. Hold still, 'kay?"
A cool wave washed over Kanji's skin - like plunging into the river in the summer - and his arms and legs stopped being made out of lead. "What... what the hell was that?" he grumbled, trying and failing to sit up.
"Naoto zapped you." Teddie glanced at the limp form beside him. "Well, Naoto's Shadow. I could bear-ly see from here, but you pretty much let it blast you in the face."
At the back of Kanji's mind, Take-Mikazuchi made a noise that roughly translated as 'moron'.
"Looked kinda like enervation," continued Teddie. "Sensei and the others have it under control now. It keeps figuring out what everyone's weak to, though."
"Naoto's smart," Kanji blurted, then rubbed his forehead and hoped Naoto really _was_ still out.
"Sensei's smarter," Teddie chirped. "Hey, let me help you up."
Gripping Teddie's paw, Kanji pulled himself upright. Across the room, he could see the Shadow hanging in the air like a puppet, head bowed, wings sparking. Yosuke was on his ass on the floor, Chie berating him as she tried to pull him up, and Yukiko was still firing off bursts of flame. They had the fight sewn up.
He turned back to Naoto. All the little things put together - the short and slender frame, the eyes Kanji had noticed first time they met, the rumors he'd heard about the kid never changing for gym around other guys - still didn't add up to this.
Who had he been crushing on - a guy or a girl?
"Frickin' idiot," he muttered, grabbing the cap and placing it on Naoto's head.
* * *
"Is he - uh, she-" Yosuke paused, frowned, then shook his head. "Is Naoto awake yet?"
"No." Kanji had been watching Naoto the whole time, even before he'd felt well enough to stand. "I dunno why he's-"
"Mmph?" It wasn't eloquent, but it definitely came from Naoto - who twitched slightly, eyelids flickering open. "Where... "
"Naoto-kun! Are you okay?" Yukiko, the closest to him, tried to help Naoto stand. He quickly squirmed away and pulled himself to his feet, squinting at the green light.
Wait. Her, not his, Kanji tried to remind himself, then decided to just roll with it and update his mental pronoun list later.
"I... I remember you all arriving here, and ... " Naoto trailed off, glancing at each of them in turn, then around the room - and when her eyes finally settled on the Shadow, she flinched. "You... you all saw everything."
The Shadow itself just stared. Where Kanji's had been a shrieking harpy even after they'd smacked it down, this one was silent. Naoto walked over, looked it up and down, and let out a soft sigh. "I don't know what you are," she told it quietly, "but I know where you come from."
Yosuke coughed. "Uh.. you can tell me to butt out, Naoto-kun... but... well, why'd you pretend to be a guy?" he asked, yelping when Chie elbowed him in the ribs. "Come on, it's the obvious question!"
Naoto's jaw tightened. "It's... complicated."
"We have time," Souji said evenly. "Plenty, now."
"...Very well. I lost both my parents in an accident when I was very young. My grandfather took me in." Naoto hesitated. "I... had little talent for making friends, so I spent my time reading detective novels in his study.
"I-I remember you looking at them," mumbled Kanji. "At the bookstore."
As Naoto nodded, the Shadow opposite her mimicked the motion. "When I grow up, I'm gonna be an awesome, hard-boiled detective!"
"More or less," Naoto muttered. "My parents were also detectives, making me fifth in the Shirogane line. An inherited occupation can feel stifling, yet I yearned for the day I could follow in their footsteps and become a detective myself." She shook her head. "But I was always alone. I suspect my grandfather felt it was his duty to compensate for that by helping me realize my dream."
"Which is why you've already solved so many cases."
"Exactly, Seta-san. I secretly aided my grandfather with his clients - and before I knew it, people started calling me Junior Detective. At first, I was delighted... but not everyone welcomes my collaboration." She grimaced. "My status as a 'child' has been sufficient to offend many potential colleagues."
Going by experience, Kanji suspected that wasn't the only source of the problem. But if you spent a bunch of time alone, never learning how to deal with people, you couldn't be blamed for behaving like a jerk. At least, not _completely_.
"Were my youth the only issue," Naoto continued, "this situation would resolve itself with time. Unfortunately, changing from a child to an adult only solves one side of the problem. Changing from a woman to a man... that half is impossible."
"Do you not like being a girl?" Yukiko asked. "Is that why you always dress like a boy?"
Naoto nodded, eyes averted. "My sex doesn't fit my ideal image of a detective. Besides, the police department is a male-orientated society. Give them one 'concrete' reason to look down on me, and nobody would need me anymore."
"You don't know that," Kanji insisted, more brusquely than he'd intended.
Yukiko agreed, more tenatively. "Kanji-kun's right. And you already know that what you really want isn't to become an adult or become a boy, don't you?"
Naoto was quiet for a long time; hand tapping against her side, gaze fixed on the floor. Finally she lifted her head, still looking a little lost - and let out a breath. "You're absolutely right." She turned back to her Shadow and cocked her head, watching as it again mirrored her movement.
"I'm sorry," she began. "I kept ignoring you, pretending you didn't exist. But you are me, and I am you. What I should yearn for-" Naoto hesitated, one hand rubbing her neck. "No. What I must _strive _for, isn't to become a man. I must accept myself for who I really am."
Before she'd even finished, the blue glow around the Shadow had begun to flare brighter and brighter, eventually swallowing it completely. With the sound of breaking glass, a small winged figure appeared in its place - then vanished, the light settling on Naoto instead and diffusing over her skin.
The team, familar with this, knew what to expect. Naoto didn't. Her eyes narrowed, and she grabbed her head - then collapsed to her hands and knees. Kanji jolted forward, wanting to help her up but not even sure where to start.
"What-what was that?" she hissed.
"You'll be fine, Naoto-kun." Rise knelt beside her. "Same thing happened to all of us."
Naoto blinked at her. "You're... certainly a devious bunch. No wonder the perpetrator has eluded the police." Hands leaning on her knees, she let out a shaky, humorless chuckle. "Can't believe you kept something like this hidden for so long."
"Yukiko _did _try to tell you," Yosuke pointed out.
Yukiko frowned. "I did?"
"Yeah, back at Tatsumi Port Island, the nightclub, you- ow! Stop _doing_ that!"
Chie pulled her elbow back from Yosuke's ribs. "Yosuke, keep your mouth shut!" Casting an eye at Yukiko - who looked mildly horrified - she bit her lip. "Um... I'll explain later, okay?"
"Well, regardless..." Souji said, wincing slightly, "at least now we know this case isn't over."
"That's right." Yosuke winked at Naoto, flashing a quick grin. "And you proved it, Naoto."
"Yeah, s'right," Kanji interjected; only partly because Yosuke shouldn't be winking at _anybody_. He looked down at Naoto. "C'mon, kid. Let's get you out of here."
Too tired to reply, Naoto only managed a small nod - but for the first time Kanji could remember, and even if it was barely there, she genuinely smiled.
* * *
"Hey... hey!" Kanji dropped into a crouch in front of Naoto, trying to peer under her cap. "C'mon, answer!"
The only response was Naoto's ragged breathing.
They'd all tried to help her out the television; in fact, they'd argued with her over it. Kanji had even offered to carry her and been rewarded with a glare colder than a Bufu blast. Instead she'd insisted on doing it herself, then stumbled through the screen and fell face-down on the shop floor outside. Served her damn right - and yet Kanji was torn between helping her up and yelling at the top of his lungs. Since a few customers were still milling around the store, the second option wasn't really one at all. It was still damn tempting.
Chie shook her head. "Sheesh... Naoto-kun really put her life on the line for this."
"Nothing to be proud of," he muttered. Naoto didn't look right, either. Kanji racked his brains, trying to remember how he felt when the team pulled him out. Had he been so pale?
"No, it isn't," Souji agreed, voice low. "But if she hadn't, we wouldn't know the killer is still on the loose."
Which was fine, absolutely great - but sure as hell not worth dying for. Kanji growled, low and angry. "You're too frickin' reckless, dammit."
"I-I never doubted... that you'd all come for me," Naoto insisted, though the effect was lost given that she still couldn't raise her head. "...Though the reality has turned out to be far beyond what I'd imagined."
But they almost _hadn't _come for her. They hadn't known where to look, Naoto hadn't know what she was getting herself into, and the whole thing hadn't needed to happen. "Tch... what a dumbass!" Kanji snapped, pulling himself to his feet. "You're no genius at all. We were tearing our hair out over you!"
Naoto tipped her head back and looked up at him, frowning slightly.
A burst of pigtails latched onto his left arm. "Oh, so you _did _worry about her, Kanji!"
Heat rushed to Kanji's cheeks - and, as usual, he tried to divert people's attention by shouting. "Shuddup, Rise! Mind your own damn business!" Swallowing, he glanced quickly back at Naoto, who was still staring at him with the same expression. Maybe she hadn't heard.
"Okay, guys," Souji said, as he stepped in front of Rise, "Let's not have this conversation in the middle of Junes, all right? I think Naoto-kun needs to get home."
"I'll take her," Yukiko offered, bending down at Naoto's side.
"It's... all right... I can... "
"No way, missy!" Somehow, Rise had managed to bounce round Souji unnoticed. Kanji swore Naoto cringed. "Don't think that doing everything on your own is the 'adult' thing to do! Me and Yukiko-senpai'll take care of you."
Souji tipped his head towards Kanji. "You too, Tatsumi. Can't have them out causing trouble this late at night."
Again, Naoto flinched, this time muttering something under her breath. She leveled a frustrated glare at Yukiko, then Rise, then at Kanji - before finally giving a small nod.
* * *
Good job Senpai had sent Kanji with them. Naoto lived on the other side of town, a two mile walk, and the last bus had already left. Worse, she was being a major pain in the ass. She'd refused to let Yukiko and Rise help her walk, despite barely being able to stand upright. Tired and irritated, Kanji had reached his frustration threshold even quicker than usual - at which point he'd hoisted Naoto onto his back and firmly ignored the volley of protests that followed.
"Put me down," Naoto hissed, kicking him in the side for the third time in ten minutes. It didn't hurt, but it did piss him off; good thing, too. Devoting all his attention to staying angry kept Kanji from processing everything that had happened that night - including the fact that the guy he'd crushed on for the last five months was pressed up against him tight enough to feel each breath.
He growled deep in his throat. "You ever shut up?"
"I _said_... put me down," Naoto repeated. "You- you d-don't need to-"
"Give it a break!"
"I... I can walk!"
"Yep, Naoto-kun," Rise chirped. "We know. Just not in a straight line and not for more than a few seconds, right?"
Kanji felt another weak kick against his ribs. If Naoto wanted him to throw her into traffic, she was doing a damn good job. She wasn't even well enough to stand, same way Rise had been - except where Rise had gladly let them help her home and thanked them on the way, Naoto was just being a jerk.
"Well, we're almost there," Yukiko said lightly.
A fist thumped against Kanji's shoulder. "Then _put me down_!"
Rise let out a deep sigh. "I used to think you were so eloquent, Naoto-kun."
"And I used to think you had it all together," Kanji muttered. How one guy could be such different things was beyond him. This Naoto and the one he'd met before were like two separate people. "Why you gotta be so stubborn?"
"I, I don't need your help," Naoto mumbled against his back. "So... you don't need to be here."
A few steps ahead, Yukiko stopped in front of a tall apartment building. "Is this it, Naoto?"
Naoto peered up, one hand pressed against Kanji's head for support, and nodded.
"Good. Do you have your keys?"
"... Pocket." Though she punctuated her answer with another kick at Kanji, it felt halfhearted.
The apartment lobby was dimly lit, but they soon found the elevator. On their ride up Rise and Yukiko briefly debated whether they should knock on the apartment door and wake Naoto's grandfather up, or just let themselves in. Eventually they agreed on the second option; fewer questions.
Naoto didn't say a word the whole time. Kanji thought about asking how she was doing, before he noticed she wasn't kicking him anymore and decided not to risk it.
Yukiko led them down the hallway of the fourth floor, checking the numbers outside each apartment. When they found the right one, she quietly unlocked the door. "We don't want to wake anyone up," she whispered.
"You won't," Naoto murmured. "Nobody there."
"Oh... is your grandfather away?"
"D-doesn't live here. Put me down," she added.
With a sigh, Yukiko shook her head and pushed open the door - and, after a few seconds of fumbling, found the light switch inside.
The apartment was small and sparse. White walls and ceiling, plain wooden floors and the type of furniture you kept around because you needed it and closed your eyes to avoid looking at. The whole room was too neat and too empty. Save the cluttered shelves by the door, it looked like nobody lived there.
"Put me down," Naoto repeated. "Now."
"So, which one's your room?" Rise asked, cheerfully ignoring her.
With a dissatisfied grunt, Naoto made a vague gesture towards a door on the left wall. Kanji moved towards it - and was stopped short by a hand tugging hard on his shirt. "Kanji! Stop right there!"
For all girls raved about their clothes, none of them ever respected his. "Dammit, let go!"
"C'mon, are you seriously gonna walk right into a girl's bedroom?" Rise yanked his shirt again for emphasis. "Put Naoto-kun on her feet."
Somewhere below his shoulder-blades, Naoto let out a muffled groan.
Kanji blinked. "Oh. Right."
For all her complaints, Naoto didn't seem any happier standing. Her mood went downhill further when Rise and Yukiko grabbed her arms and dragged her into her room. "Stop it! Just, j-just go away, I don't-"
"You never stop, do you?" Yukiko muttered, as the door closed behind them - leaving Kanji standing in the middle of someone else's apartment, feeling useless and out of place.
He hadn't even taken off his shoes, though it didn't seem like Naoto would care. This place felt nothing like the shopping district. Looked more like the pictures of hotel rooms he'd seen in magazines: clean, generic, sterile. The only exception was the pile of papers tucked under the door of the closet on the far wall. Struck with the urge to pick them up and straighten them out, Kanji deliberately turned away. You didn't go to someone's house and tidy, no matter how messy or neat it was or how much you liked-
Kanji grimaced and went back to looking around the room. Nothing else held his attention, until his gaze drifted back to the shelves. Three were crammed full of books, some upright, some on their sides, none of them in any order he could recognize. A few of them had long technical names printed on their spines, but the rest were dog-eared paperbacks, all with similar unhappy titles. _Murder in a Hearse, Danger Goes on Holiday, The Doorbell Brings Death. _
Kanji skipped the rest, deciding that Naoto needed to read more books about kittens and fewer with dead bodies.
The fourth shelf held binders full of papers, probably just police documents, and two framed photographs at opposite ends. One was an old guy in a suit. The other photograph looked creased, like it'd been kept folded up, but Kanji could see a man and a woman standing side-by-side. The man - dark-haired and slim, with angled features - looked a lot like Naoto.
Pretty telling, really.
"Okay, Kanji-kun. You and me are heading out." Rise stood in the bedroom doorway, Yukiko close behind.
Kanji frowned. "What 'bout Naoto? We're not just gonna leave him, right?"
"_Her_, Kanji."
"Yeah, her. Whatever." He gestured around the living room. "Ain't no-one else here. Who's gonna look after her?"
An irate voice came from somewhere behind Yukiko's shoulder. "I... I do _not_ need looking after!"
Yukiko didn't even turn around. "Naoto-kun, get back in bed before I throw you in there!"
Rise and Kanji both glanced at each other, eyebrows arched.
"And Kanji-kun," Yukiko continued, with an exasperated sigh, "there's no need to worry. Chie can cover for me, so I'll stay here tonight."
Naoto's response was an unhappy choking noise. Before it had chance to turn into a full-on incoherent outburst, Rise grabbed Kanji's arm. "Great idea, Yukiko-senpai! C'mon, Kanji."
The last thing Kanji heard as Rise dragged him out the apartment door was the final protest of a very tired, very indignant Naoto Shirogane - suddenly muffled by what might just have been a face full of mattress.
13. Interlude 3
_A/N: Another interlude. Safely back in the real world, Naoto finds it very difficult to get rid of her rescuers._
* * *
Seta and his friends were only relevant due to their involvement with the case. Accordingly, Naoto's early contact with them had been limited.
She had, however, frequently observed them sitting and talking together in the food court. This had been her best method of discerning the extent of their interference, though from her position outside she'd never been close enough to hear what they actually said. Instead, she had spent her time evaluating and categorizing them all in terms of the threat they posed. Naturally, Seta had ranked highest. Tatsumi and Satonaka had placed joint second; the first by reason of size and reputation, the second after Naoto had twice witnessed her kicking Hanamura in the same unfortunate anatomical region. Hanamura himself had been third. The rest of the team combined, Naoto had placed a very distant fourth.
In the case of Yukiko Amagi, that had clearly been a grave mistake.
"I did warn you," Amagi huffed.
Naoto, meanwhile, was lying on the bed, face buried in her hat, in roughly the same position she'd been shoved down in.
"You're lucky I'm not Chie. She'd have thrown you out the window instead."
Which needed to be open; the room was insufferably hot. Naoto made a mental note to rectify the situation once she could force herself to stand.
"... Naoto-kun, are you alright?" Two slim hands slipped over Naoto's shoulders and rolled her over onto her back, one of them then moving to her forehead. "You're burning up."
"M'fine," Naoto murmured, willing both Amagi to vanish and the ceiling to stop zooming in and out of focus. "Go home."
"Yes, you've said that already. Several times, actually."
"Why... why are you still here? Why won't you _leave_?" They had rescued her. That was all Naoto had expected. Back in the laboratory, she had wondered at times if even that had been asking too much; if they had understood why she had disappeared, or even noticed.
But they had. Eventually. Furthermore, they'd bothered to come to her aid - something Naoto had resented prior to the event, and which now left a cold weight in the pit of her stomach.
The bed dipped as Amagi sat down beside her. "Because you're our friend, you're unwell and there's nobody else here. Why would we leave you by yourself?"
Because that was how it had always been; familiar, comforting, terrifying. Besides, they were hardly friends, even if she-
Naoto grit her teeth. Indignant. She was indignant, and Amagi had no right being there. "I... I'm fine. Go 'way," she mumbled, and thumped a fist weakly against the mattress.
"Why _are _you here by yourself?" Leaning forward, Amagi pushed back a few damp strands of Naoto's hair from her forehead. "I know your parents are... gone, but what about your grandfather?"
"America." Naoto squirmed to one side, attempting to bat away Amagi's invading hand. "And usually... the estate. Not Inaba. I'm... not supposed to still be here."
At the edge of her vision, she caught a glimpse of a smile. "Well, I'm glad you are, and so are the others."
Naoto wasn't. Her continued presence not only demonstrated her failure to solve the case, it had forced her into a situation where a girl she barely knew had barged into her apartment in a misguided attempt to take care of her. As if she had ever required _that_.
"Don't want to be here," she muttered. "Never stay anywhere."
Amagi hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe you could stay here? We'll need your help with whatever comes next."
The inside of her skull had been buzzing insistently since leaving the television. In the brief silence after Amagi finished speaking, it grew louder, almost resolving itself into words.
Naoto shook her head. The noise faded.
"Of course we will," Amagi insisted, frowning. "Without you, we probably wouldn't have realized Mitsuo wasn't the killer. Or at least, not for a while." Then she sighed. "I just wish you'd told us what you were doing."
Except Naoto _had_. By the time she had finalized her plan, her initial, instinctive assumption that the entire team was composed of idiots had long been abandoned. She had left them all the necessary clues. What else could she have done?
If they'd arrived when they should, things would be different. Naoto would have kept her composure. Her doppelganger would not have reduced her to a contemptible, raging child. Her mind would be quiet. And Amagi would not still be sitting on her bed, _still_ fussing over her.
More than that, the prince might still be a prince - and Naoto wouldn't be mourning the loss of a nickname she'd never even liked.
She swallowed. "Why... why did you take so long?"
"We didn't know anything about you, Naoto-kun. Not even that you're a-" Amagi stopped short. "Well... Rise-chan, she finds people, but she needs something to go on."
Of course. Ridiculous to assume otherwise. These people barely knew her. Tatsumi was the only one she'd spoken to for any length of time.
"That, and we weren't strong enough at first," Amagi continued. "You definitely did your best to keep us out."
Naoto wished she'd managed it. All those locked doors had counted for nothing.
The buzzing grew louder, like the static of a- no. Like the hum of insect wings, almost. At one point, Naoto swore she heard her name.
"Sorry," she murmured, mouth dry, uncertain why she was apologizing.
Amagi eyebrows rose. "Oh. Um, I'm sorry too, that we took so long. That's why you feel so bad - the same thing happened to me." She patted Naoto's shoulder. "But we'll all make sure to drop by until you get better."
Few prospects were more horrifying.
Endless invasions, simply out of pity, by people who'd seen her at her worst. Naoto pushed herself up onto her elbows, ready to respond with a detailed explanation of how she absolutely didn't require babysitting, thank you_, _she just needed to be left alone for the foreseeable future. She managed the first syllable before her stomach lurched.
The consequent stumble she made for the bathroom - Amagi half-carrying her when she realized what was happening - was not one of her most dignified moments. Nor was losing the orange juice she'd choked down less than an hour ago as they left Junes.
But perhaps this would help. It might dislodge the thick knot that had wedged in her throat as soon as the team had run through the laboratory door.
"Don't worry." Amagi had knelt beside her. "It won't last long and it gets much better after the first week."
An entire week? There was so much to do, a new culprit to be found, and-
She jerked again, dry heaving this time. Amagi held back her hair - merely a gesture, given its length - and rubbed her back. Naoto attempted to shift away. The buzzing renewed.
"That... that thing," she managed, arms locked straight against her knees, "that... the blue shape that appeared, what was it?"
"Oh, that's right! Souji didn't tell you, did he?" Amagi frowned. "It's hard to explain, but it's... your Persona."
Persona. Amagi had used the same word back in the nightclub. Meaning she had been telling the truth, albeit in a thoroughly dubious manner. "You... you weren't lying."
"When?"
"The club. T-Tatsumi Port Island."
"Naoto-kun... what exactly did I say? Because I really don't remember-" Amagi paused, eyes widening. "Oh no. I wasn't - was I drunk?"
"No," muttered Naoto, in as adamant a tone as she could muster while still doubled over.
"That would explain why I... oh, _no_." When Naoto glanced up, Amagi's face had turned an even paler shade than usual, and her hands were wringing the material of her blouse. "My mother _cannot_ know about this. Never. I'll be grounded until I'm fifty."
"You _weren't_ drunk."
Continuing to ignore her completely, Amagi sighed. "I'm sorry. You must've thought I was crazy."
Back pressed against the nearest wall, legs stretched out on the floor, Naoto swallowed hard. "No. I... I thought you were mocking me."
Amagi frowned. "Why would we do that?"
"The police always have." And they were hardly alone. "I saw no reason why you and your friends would be different."
The bathroom was small for one person. With two, they were uncomfortably close, yet Amagi only moved closer. "We aren't police, Naoto-kun." She sighed again, then smiled. "It's funny. I always felt like you were laughing at us. You said we were playing a game, remember?"
Revealing the truth - that Naoto had neither laughed at the team nor ever taken them wholly seriously - was pointless. They _had_ been playing a game, of sorts; they had simply played it more effectively than her.
She tipped her head back against the wall and closed her eyes. More buzzing.
Her eyes snapped open. Opposite, Amagi was staring at her, brows angled in concern. "Are you okay?"
Naoto nodded. Had Amagi spoken before that?
_
_"Can you stand?"
Naoto nodded again, but didn't take Amagi's proffered hand. Instead, she gripped the edge of the sink and pulled herself up, earning a low, exasperated noise that left her wondering if she'd be shoved across a room again. The fact that Yukiko Amagi - delicate, graceful, _feminine_ - was capable of doing so was not lost on her.
She watched the water swirling in the basin, fighting the urge to pass out.
Amagi leaned against the wall. "I wish you'd stop being so difficult."
"You're the difficult one," Naoto muttered. "All of you. Staying."
"What are you going to do? You can't investigate by yourself, and you _know_ the police won't believe what you've seen." Amagi shook her head. "It sounds like they never believed you at all."
Which had been as expected. The police department consisted entirely of imbeciles, all of whom preferred to waste their time on asinine banter, crude jokes and drunken gatherings in bars after work. All meaningless hindrances to the investigation. Naoto had pointed this out several times and been rewarded with mockery and juvenile name-calling. 'Defective Prince' had been by far the least offensive. None of them had mattered. Mere resentment of her abilities.
"They, they called me an interfering brat, impossible to work with. A stupid kid." It came out in an inexplicable, babbled rush - but her head was still buzzing and the room was far too hot. "Then they took me off the case. Said it was over, they no longer needed me. It happens every time."
Amagi shook her head again, this time more emphatically. "It won't now. We need your help."
She was lying. They all were. Why would they- "No, no, you _don't_. I - I'm not even a real man."
"Why would we care about that?"
"Girls... can't do anything." If the police had known, she would never have worked a single case. Now they almost certainly did. Braced against the sink, Naoto suppressed a shudder. "_I _can't do anything, not now."
_neverlistenalwaysthink_
An unwelcome hand gripped her shoulder, spinning her around - and for a instant, looking directly at Amagi's narrowed eyes, Naoto glimpsed something untamed and fierce.
"Naoto-kun," she said, firm and slow. "Chie and I both fought your Shadow, and we both helped clear the way down to the laboratory. Rise was our support in every fight. Without the three of us, you'd be dead."
All of which was painfully accurate.
On some level, Naoto was aware of the exceptional level of ingratitude she had displayed since her rescue. On another, she was dangerously close to a full-on fit of rage - or at least a delayed one, saved up for when she wasn't trapped in her own bathroom, on the verge of being sick a third time. For now, she settled for burying her head in her hands, elbows resting on the edge of the sink.
"I apologize, Amagi-san. My behavior is... " She hesitated, her fingertips pressed against her temples. "I, I don't want to be male. Or an adult. The idea is... ludicrous."
For all the conviction Naoto forced into her voice, the statement sounded more like a lie with every word. The clarity she'd felt after confronting her Shadow had dissipated. Being a man, an adult, being strong and capable... it would be so much easier. It would be correct.
She stared at her hands - slim fingers, small palms - and winced.
"The feelings don't go away, do they?"
"W-what?"
Amagi's voice was even quieter than usual. "Accepting your Shadow isn't a magic cure. Sometimes I still... " She trailed off. "Don't be too hard on yourself, Naoto-kun."
That the rest of the team possessed Shadows was not a concept Naoto had considered. What had they been like?
Tatsumi had certainly seemed odd during their initial meetings; apparently both discomfited by her presence and unusually shy for one with his reputation. Naoto had suspected some sort of complex. Disconcertingly, she couldn't remember exactly why she'd chosen to impart those suspicions to a group of children following his disappearance. Still, the decision made sense. Risky as it had been, revealing her knowledge had allowed her to observe their reactions and evaluate how deeply they were embroiled in the case.
Regardless, whatever inner turmoil Tatsumi's behavior had implied would have been grounds for the development of a Shadow. Kujikawa's might have been connected to her career. But the others - Amagi, Satonaka, Hanamura, and most of all Seta - had no weaknesses Naoto could discern, especially not to match her own.
"Do you think you can make it back to the bed?" Amagi was staring again. Naoto fought the sudden urge to run away.
Instead, she nodded her assent and turned towards the door. "Wh-what was yours like?" she asked, hands pressed either side of the doorway, and forced the tremble out of her limbs. "Your Shadow?"
For a few moments, Amagi said nothing.
Finally, she sighed. "She lived in a castle. Very ornate. And... well..." Amagi drew a quick, shallow breath. "She was wearing a low-cut princess gown and she kept talking about hot studs and her underwear."
Naoto blinked. "Oh."
"You should be grateful for the lab coat," Amagi told her as they entered the bedroom.
Naoto climbed back on the bed and curled up on her side, knees drawn up to her chest. She felt slightly better; Amagi's presence therefore served no purpose. "You should-"
_alwaysalonealwayswrong_
It wasn't Amagi speaking. It wasn't even human. Simply a variation of the same buzzing sound; something that, given her altered state, Naoto had mistaken for words. Ridiculous.
_
_"We really are glad to have you back." The bed dipped again, somewhere near her feet. "Kanji-kun and Rise-chan were so worried, they went inside the television to get you. They even convinced Yosuke to go with them."
Naoto knew little of the team's methods - she wished she'd been awake to see them fight, to evaluate their strategy - but rushing into battle without a leader was ludicrous. "They... they were unsuccessful?"
"Very. I'd never seen Souji so angry." Amagi hesitated. "Actually, I'd never seen him angry at all before that. He's a lot like you."
Except he wasn't. Seta did not throw tantrums. Presumably Amagi-san was just being kind - but the familiarity of contempt would have been vastly preferable.
"I... I'm nothing like him. My Shadow, the things it said-" She bit her lip, wondering when and why she'd become so absurdly candid.
The fever. That was all. Everything would revert to normal, given time.
Slim fingers pressed against her sleeve. "You aren't alone, Naoto-kun. Not now."
Naoto knew she should say something to that - _I don't care if I am, go away _- but her voice refused to come. Even dislodging Amagi's hand seemed impossible. Despite her best efforts, her eyes drifted closed; the buzzing in her head finally fading, but never falling silent.
14. Chapter 11
_A/N: Story so far: After a long battle through the Secret Base, the team rescued Naoto - who wasn't grateful in the slightest.
_
_In this part: Rise says it with flowers, __Naoto says it with indignation, __and Kanji can't say much at all.
_
_
* * *
_
**September 27th 2011**
"I'm just _saying_," began Rise, with a phrase Kanji had learned to dread, "you're the only one who hasn't been to see her! That's mean, Kanji-kun."
Kanji grunted and rolled his eyes. Bad enough that Rise was dragging him to Naoto's apartment on pain of death, or at least pain of being whined at for the next week. Cussing him out the whole way there was just salt in the wound. There was a good reason he hadn't visited Naoto yet; in fact, there were dozens, and they were the same ones behind his determination not to think about her at all. "Teddie ain't been either," he muttered.
Rise let out a frustrated sigh. "And you know why. Stop changing the subject!"
She had a point. Teddie was a headache at the best of times - and given how stoked he'd been to find out Naoto was a girl, he'd probably try to hit on her. Meaning Kanji would be sorely tempted to kick his ass, if Naoto didn't do it first. Hell, he ought to kick hers while he was at it. Scowling, he aimed a mid-stride kick at a nearby clump of soggy leaves. "Whatever. Bet she don't want visitors anyway."
"C'mon, I loved seeing you guys when you came to see me! And Naoto-kun's been really happy whenever we've dropped by."
Scanning Persona, human insight, people skills - these were all Rise's biggest strengths. They were also completely useless in the face of her amazing knack for believing whatever she wanted. "Right."
"I'm serious! Trust me, I know this stuff." Rise nodded firmly, pigtails bouncing in tandem. "Besides, there's nothing in her kitchen. What's she gonna eat if we don't take her food?"
All the responses he had to _that _would end with either him getting bitched out or Rise bawling. Maybe both. Kanji glanced down at the plastic bag in his hand, three carefully-wrapped slabs of Rise's 'Spicy Tofu Surprise' nestling inside. If she had any sense, Naoto'd sooner starve than eat them or anything else that resulted from the girls being within ten feet of a kitchen.
Then again, if she had any sense, she wouldn't have tried to get herself killed.
Could've been taken out by the murderer if she'd tried to fight him. Could've been ripped apart by shadows if she'd tried to escape. Based on what Kanji knew of her, both 'ifs' seemed pretty damn likely. Or she could've just shown up dead soon as the fog rolled in, and somehow that seemed most plausible of all.
Kanji grit his teeth. "Ain't nothin' to do with me. She got herself in this mess."
"Wow, Kanji-kun, you're all heart." Rise hummed lightly. "Good thing Souji-senpai's already been to see her."
"Course he has. He's the boss," Kanji snapped back, wishing his voice didn't feel like it was stuck in his throat. Senpai had probably gone there the first day and told Naoto all about the team, the television, Personas, the works. Best person to do it; he always found the right words, even when Kanji would've sworn they didn't exist, and it seemed like he barely had to look. He'd have helped Naoto get to grips with the Shadow thing, too. Wasn't much left for Kanji to do except bring her tofu nobody with the will to live would ever eat.
Hell, Souji had probably figured out months ago that she wasn't really a guy.
Distracted as he was, it took Kanji a couple more strides to realize Rise had stopped. He felt the glare of disapproval against his back well before he turned to meet it.
"Kanji." Rise's hands were on her hips. Bad sign. "Are you _trying _to be a jerk? 'Cause you're doing really well!"
"Whass'matter?"
"I just asked you twice now why you don't want to see Naoto-kun. Twice! And you ignored me!"
Kanji grunted. "Ah...'s not that I don't want to," he managed, rolling his neck and shoulders and wishing Rise would drop the whole thing. "Just... y'know."
Rise looked confused for a moment, like she was trying to fill in the gaps between his words, then sighed and shook her head. "But you _like _Naoto, right?" She hesitated. "I mean, she's not a boy anymore, but--"
"I don't care about that!" Kanji snapped, surprised at how quickly the answer came and even more surprised that he meant it.
For a few seconds, Rise just stared at him, both eyebrows raised. Then she shrugged, and started walking again. "So at least go see her while she's getting better. Don't tell me you've forgotten how terrible you felt after you got out."
"But I was fine! Senpai and the others got me real quick." Three days after he vanished, if he remembered right. After a full night's sleep he'd felt pretty much normal; he'd just been too afraid to go back to school.
"Oh man, you're lucky! I was throwing up for four days straight, no joke. Himiko wouldn't shut up, either." Rise shook her head. "Kept up this running commentary on everything I was doing and thinking. She's so _nosy_."
"Figures," Kanji said with a quick grin - followed by a wince as Rise elbowed him in the side.
It was true, though. Personas had to match their owners. Otherwise, there was no explanation for Take-Mikazuchi being such a damn punk. Never shut up in a fight, especially if things were going badly. At first, he hadn't said much at all - maybe because Kanji hadn't been in the TV long - but the big guy had gradually crept inside his head, to the point where Kanji couldn't tell what was him and what wasn't, or if there was even a difference. Well, except when he was getting chewed out for screwing up an attack or taking a hit. But on the big things, like the stuff that had been spinning round in his mind for the last few days, Take-Mikazuchi never said a word.
"She couldn't tell me much about Naoto's Persona. Himiko, I mean," Rise continued. "The power's there, but I'm not sure what it does. I guess I'll find out soon, since Naoto-kun's gonna be on the team."
Crap. He'd forgotten that part.
Souji had already been to see Naoto. Meaning he might've asked her to join them. Meaning Kanji would be fighting alongside her every time they went in the television. Meaning this whole pretending she didn't exist deal would soon become impossible.
Rise winked at him. "Betcha can't wait, Kanji-kun," she chirped.
Kanji scowled and said nothing.
**
* * *
**
When they knocked on the door of Naoto's apartment, Yukiko opened it. "Rise-chan, Kanji-kun! Thank you for dropping by."
Polite smile, folded hands. _Manager mode_, Kanji thought, then frowned. "Uh... why're you..."
"Oh, I've been here an hour already," she explained. "I came straight after school. Chie had to run an errand and I didn't want to leave Naoto-kun by herself."
A small, indignant noise sounded from somewhere inside the apartment.
Yukiko rolled her eyes. "So," she added, jaw tensed unusually tight, "I'm happy you're here. Very happy."
"No problem! We even brought food." Rise pointed to the bag at Kanji's side, then skipped through the door. "Hey, Naoto-kun!"
Kanji sighed and bent down, fumbling with the laces on his boots. He felt Yukiko lean down towards him - and when she spoke, her voice was almost a whisper. "Kanji-kun, did you cook--"
He shook his head grimly.
She winced. "Oh. Well. You... maybe you should put it in the kitchen, then."
Had to give Yukiko credit; for all her efforts to fix the problem, she'd finally accepted she sucked at cooking. Rise, on the other hand, still lived in happy ignorance.
"Good idea," Kanji muttered, then strode inside the kitchen - glimpsing a sullen-looking Naoto slumped on the sofa along the way - and began unpacking the tofu.
The smart choice would've been to throw it in the trash. Maybe he could pretend he'd dropped it on the floor. Could even open the window if he was quiet enough, though coming up with an explanation for why he'd accidentally thrown the tofu through it would be difficult. Kanji was still debating his options when Rise popped her head round the door. "Kanji, stop messing with that and get in here! You're supposed to be visiting Naoto!"
Other than wanting to devote some quality time to not thinking about Naoto - which would be ten times harder if they were in the same room - Kanji had no reasonable explanation for why he really needed to hide in the kitchen for the next few hours. Lost for any other escape, he grunted and walked out into the living room.
"Kanji-kun wanted to see you too, Naoto-kun," Rise trilled, locking her arm firmly around his. "He's sorry for not coming earlier." She flashed Kanji a grin. "And he's _really _happy you're back."
Kanji responded with a choking noise. Naoto glanced at him, nodded once - then went back to ignoring Yukiko, who was sitting next to her on the sofa.
Apparently feeling she'd mortified him enough for one day, Rise let go of his arm - then plunked herself down in a free seat and began helping Yukiko fix what might've been the most one-sided conversation ever.
The thought of joining in turned Kanji's stomach. He pressed his back against the wall, deciding that the girls could handle the talking. Which they definitely did. For a whole forty minutes - during which Naoto said a grand total of three sentences, all of them short. By the quarter-hour mark, she'd given up even pretending to pay attention, instead folding her arms and fixing her gaze on what seemed to be an amazingly interesting spot on the floor. Kanji, meanwhile, only noticed all this because he caught himself staring at her on five separate occasions.
So much for not thinking about her. If he was being honest, Naoto was _all_ he'd been thinking about for the past couple days. Whether he still liked her, why she pretended to be a guy, whether that actually mattered; a bunch of questions he wished he didn't need to ask.
It bothered him that she wasn't... well, that she was different from what he thought. Couldn't help that. Couldn't put a finger on why, either. She looked the same, sounded the same, behaved the same. He'd learned to stick with one pronoun, but that was mostly because Rise jumped on it every time he didn't. Other than that, nothing major had changed - so why was he so pissed off?
_Because I thought I was gay because of you_, was the most obvious reason. Good one, too. Shame it wasn't right. Naoto might've been the spark, but that stuff had been twisting about in his head long before she showed up and it still hadn't gone away - and neither had the jumble of feelings that shot up in his chest every time he looked at her.
_Because I feel stupid for not realizing. _Fine, there was some truth in that. If nothing else, he'd always had a good eye for appearances and there'd been a few quirks that had bothered him about Naoto's. Her clothes had never hung right, she'd looked different with the hat off and she'd had the wrong build even for a guy who hadn't fully grown. Kanji had just been too plain dumb to put it all together. Still, he wasn't the only one she'd fooled and it was far from the first time in his life he'd felt like an idiot.
_Because you're supposed to have it all together. _Beyond them being a bunch of assholes, Kanji didn't know or care much about cops, but he still suspected being a girl wouldn't be as much of a problem as Naoto claimed. She just wasn't thinking things through straight - and the way she did that with everything else, the way she'd always had it all locked down so tight, those were the things that'd always impressed him. Much as he wanted to kick himself for the thought, seeing what a mess she was underneath had been a disappointment. Shitty reason to be angry, though. Everyone's Shadow was screwed up. That was the whole point.
So, none of the three explanations really fit. Kanji tilted back his head and stared at the ceiling, trying to think of a fourth, one that covered everything.
_Because you didn't tell me the truth_, was what he eventually came up with.
Another full hour passed before Rise finally stood up. Kanji's left foot had fallen asleep at some point, but he couldn't see Naoto talking it well if he started stamping on her apartment floor, particularly not right now. She looked _pissed_.
"C'mon, Kanji-kun." Rise grabbed his arm and tugged him towards the door. "Let's go. Chie-senpai's heading back here soon, she'll keep Yukiko-senpai and Naoto company."
Kanji grunted, stealing one last glance at Naoto as Rise urged him out the apartment. She didn't look up.
As they walked down the corridor, back to the elevator, Rise grabbed his jacket sleeve. "You didn't say anything! Not the whole time we were there! What was up?"
He shrugged. "Couldn't get a word in with you an' Yukiko-senpai goin' on."
"You're terrible, Kanji-kun." Pouting slightly, she poked him in the arm. "I bet Naoto-kun thinks you don't like her."
In a rare display of tact - hanging out with Rise had taught him the benefits of biting his tongue - Kanji didn't mention that Naoto probably preferred people who either didn't or couldn't keep their mouths flapping for two hours straight. "Guess so," he mumbled.
**
* * *
**
**September 28th 2011**
Souji frowned down at the plate of steak croquettes. "Kind of tough today."
Kanji, who'd been chewing the same mouthful of steak skewer for the past three minutes, grunted in agreement.
"Souzai Daigaku, consistent as ever," Souji mumbled, discreetly pushing the plate away then resting his elbows on the wooden table. "Why do we keep coming here?"
The mouthful fought back. Kanji guzzled half his can of soda trying to unstick the chewed steak from his tongue, finishing with a desperate swallow. Choking averted, he looked up at Souji. "...'Cause Chie-senpai keeps saying it's great."
"And because we're all sick of Junes and Aiya," Souji added, then chuckled. "Yosuke says we should open a restaurant. Blow people's minds, having more than three places in town to eat. He swears we'll make a fortune."
"He can cook?"
"About as well as Rise. Speaking of which, she said you visited Naoto - or that she dragged you there, anyway."
"Pretty much," Kanji said, with what he hoped was a casual shrug. "Heard y'went to see her too."
Souji nodded. "The day after we brought her back." His brow creased slightly. "She wasn't happy to see me."
The thought shouldn't have comforted Kanji as much as it did. "So, uh... how'd it go?"
"Once her curiosity won out, pretty well. I explained the television world, the shadows, all of it." Souji's fingers drummed against the table. "Shame we couldn't work with her sooner. She's a quick one."
Kanji snorted. "Quick to be an idiot, y'mean."
"Come on, Kanji. You don't mean that."
"Course I do!" he snapped - then caught himself and lowered his voice to a hiss. "She practically threw herself in there!"
"I know, and I called her on that," Souji pointed out. "But you can't deny her plan worked."
"But it was frickin' stupid! She could've been killed! C'mon, Senpai, you wouldn't pull shit like that, right?"
Souji paused.
Kanji's eyes widened. "Don't tell me you'd--"
"In her position? I might've thought the same way." Shifting against the wooden box, Souji let out a long breath. "I just wouldn't have gone through with it."
Dammit, Senpai was meant to be the smart one. So was Naoto. Kanji's brow furrowed as his fists clenched and unclenched against the table. "Okay, fine, say y'did. You'd have all of us backing you up - hell, half the town. Naoto tried to go it alone."
Souji nodded. "And that's where she went wrong. Among other places," he added, one eyebrow quirked. "If she joins up with us, maybe she'll get why."
"... You ask her yet?"
"No. Thought I'd wait till she calms down a little more." He smiled. "Can't see her saying no, considering how desperate she is to solve the case."
"Yeah," Kanji murmured. "Thass cool." He hesitated, gaze flickering down to the plate. Wouldn't bother with the skewers next time, he decided.
Wouldn't try to play the hero, either.
"Something wrong?" Souji asked, after a moment's silence.
"Just..." Kanji swallowed, trying to pull the right words together. "I was as bad as Naoto, y'know? Jumpin' in the TV without you. An' I never really apologized." Jaw clenched, he lifted his eyes to meet Souji's. "Sorry, Senpai."
There was no response except a careful stare. Kanji's stomach sank.
Then, Souji shrugged. "You were just worried," he said, and Kanji swore he saw a smirk.
Heat rushed to his cheeks. "Don't matter. Always had the same problem. No good at waiting."
"Which was fair enough." Souji frowned, two fingers pressed to his right temple. "You're not going to do it again... and I did wait too long. I never meant to let Naoto--" He tensed, straightened his shoulders - then looked Kanji in the eye. "But we got her. And if we have to do this again for someone else, I'll make sure we time it right."
Something was off. Sure, the wait had driven Kanji half crazy, but they'd pulled Naoto out over a week ahead of time. He rested his elbows on the table, wiping his mouth and trying to figure out what he'd missed.
Then Souji leaned back, and the corners of his mouth flickered up in a casual smile. "So, still trust me?" he asked lightly.
Kanji nodded. "'Course I do, Senpai."
**
* * *
**
**September 29th 2011**
_sry kanji-kun!!! goin 2B L8 __(-_-);_
_
_The little faces were cute - but for the sake of his eyes, Kanji wished Rise would put her time into the words instead. Maybe she found regular letters too boring. He felt pretty much the same about loitering outside Naoto's apartment building for the past half-hour. It was starting to get dark; at this rate, one of her neighbors would call the cops. Tell them some thug was hanging around in the street, holding a cooler and a canvas bag full of study notes. He never wrote stuff down in class, but he figured Naoto probably did - so he'd spent lunch figuring out who shared classes with her and photocopying their notebooks.
Ten minutes later, Rise finally showed up at the end of the street - half-running, half-dragging herself down the sidewalk towards him. "Bout time!" Kanji called.
Rise waved desperately. By the time she reached him, she was almost doubled over. "Oh man, Kanji-kun... I am so... so outta shape," she gasped. "If I ever went back to work, the dance routines would kill me!" She leaned one hand against his arm for support. The other, Kanji noticed, was clutching a garish bunch of flowers.
"Been waiting for ages," he mumbled, pulling the bag further over his shoulder.
"Yeah, I'm sorry. Hey... what's in the cooler? Did you bring Naoto-kun food?"
Typical Rise. Getting the wrong idea completely. "So? There a problem with that?"
She pouted. "Don't be all spiky. I've got it covered anyway, you don't need to worry. Naoto-kun's got plenty of good food."
Kanji forced himself to stay quiet. "Just didn't wanna show up empty-handed. S'rude."
"Yep, exactly!" Rise waved the bouquet. "That's why I brought flowers."
Naoto probably wouldn't appreciate the effort. Besides, the flowers were five different colors, none of them right for somebody sick and all of them clashing. Kanji was about to tell Rise that next time she needed to call him first, when her phone buzzed inside her jacket pocket.
"Hold on, gotta take this." She glanced at the number then quickly flipped the phone open. "Hey, Senpai! What's up? Wait, seriously? Oh man, I'm so sorry! I'll be right there, Senpai, don't you go anywhere!"
The phone flipped shut. Rise stared up at him, eyes wide in dismay. "Kanji-kun, I _completely _forgot, I'm supposed to be studying with Senpai this afternoon! Give these to Naoto-kun, okay?" She thrust the flowers towards his chest - Kanji grabbed them on instinct - then flashed him a brilliant smile.
Brilliantly devilish, too. Kanji blinked. "Hey, wait a--"
Rise bounced back one step, then another. "I'll totally make it up to you, promise!"
She never, _ever_ forgot study sessions with Souji-senpai; she spent most of her breaks at school trying to engineer them. This was a setup. "Dammit, Rise!"
"Gotta go!" she called, already running down the street. For somebody supposedly out-of-shape, she moved fricking fast. Kanji scowled at her right up until she vanished round the corner - then turned to scowl at the steps instead.
Should just go home. The food would keep. Naoto'd thank him for leaving; she'd glowered her way through the last visit and if he stayed she might shoot him. Especially if he showed up alone. Shit, he hadn't managed a single word last time, how the hell was he supposed to hold a conversation?
Should _definitely_ just go home, he decided, now inside the lobby and waiting for the elevator.
The thought followed him all the way to the fourth floor and down the hallway to Naoto's apartment. Standing outside, Kanji glared at the front door and briefly wondered if he could intimidate it into opening. Usually worked with people, even - no, _especially _when he didn't intend it to.
Probably not doors, though. Drawing a deep breath, he put the cooler down, tried to ignore his heart pounding against his ribs - now or never, right? - and rapped his knuckles against the surface.
Nothing happened.
He knocked again, harder this time. "Naoto? You there?"
Still no answer. Kanji was figuring out the best way to kick the door down without damaging the flowers, when he heard the handle catch.
The door creaked open. Partly. In the narrow space between it and the wall, a tousled-haired Naoto glared up at him - expression pitched somewhere between exhausted and supremely pissed off.
"Tatsumi," she muttered. "Why are you here?"
"Visit," Kanji choked out. He gestured back down the hallway. "R-Rise, she was gonna come too, but she hadta--"
"Then I'm sure you'll want to follow," Naoto muttered, and tried to slam the door.
On a burst of courage he later couldn't explain, Kanji stuck out his leg and wedged his boot in the narrow gap.
Naoto tugged at the handle - paused - then looked up. "Remove your foot from my door."
Kanji squared his shoulders. "Sure, if you open it."
This won him another glare - or rather, what would've been a glare if Naoto's shivering hadn't ruined the effect. "There is no need for you or anyone else to be here. I am _fine_."
Kanji swallowed the sudden urge to kick the door open, pick Naoto up and hurl her back in the room. "Yeah. Sure." He let out a breath, running his free hand through his hair. Should've fixed it up before he left home. "Look... I, I'm just bringin' stuff over, I'm not gonna sit on your sofa an' talk at you. Promise."
Naoto just stared up at him, fingers tightening then loosening around the edge of the door. Then, with a quiet noise of frustration, she pulled it open - though she didn't step aside.
"I don't require babysitting," she muttered, tugging at her shirt collar. Looking closer, Kanji would've sworn she'd slept in her clothes.
"And I ain't here to baby-sit," he growled, pointing to the bag slung over his shoulder. "Bringing you notes from school, thass all. You wanna fall behind?"
Naoto gave him a flat stare. "And presumably the flowers are pens? Or does the cooler contain textbooks?"
Limited to start with, Kanji's patience finally ran out. "The flowers are from Rise, alright? And the cooler, s'just some food, R-Rise said there's nothin' in your kitchen, that's why she keeps bringing crap over!" He took a deep breath for his instinctive killer shot. "And detectives don't know how to cook anyway!"
... Damn, that was a stupid thing to say.
Glowering, Naoto tipped up her chin. "I am perfectly capable of consulting a recipe book."
"You don't have any." Kanji would've noticed them on the shelves. He was willing to bet she'd never owned one in her life.
"I would check the internet."
"So what if y'did? When was the last time you cooked something?"
"I've had no reason to bother. Kujikawa-san has been providing ample food."
"Which y'tried once and never touched again, right?"
She hesitated - the first trace of blood in the water. "It... wasn't that bad."
"Liar."
"There are processed meals!"
"Yeah, real nutritious. You gonna live off ramen all week?"
Naoto glared at him.
Kanji stared back.
Moments passed in deafening silence.
Taking that as the end of the argument, Kanji picked up the cooler. "So, you go think about the case or whatever and I'll do my thing. Alright?"
"_Fine_," Naoto snapped, then turned and stalked back inside the apartment.
Kanji followed, flush with victory - but more than a little tentative. For all his bravado, he was way out of his depth. The rush of anger that got him through the door evaporated in the four strides it took him to reach the kitchen, where he quickly dumped the flowers in the sink, put the bag on the floor, and set the cooler on the counter. Focus on fixing everything up. It'd be a good distraction.
Making food to bring Naoto had been a snap decision. Originally he'd planned to just drop off her schoolwork then pull a vanishing act. Late last night, he'd started thinking, well, it'd be pretty lousy of him to just let her starve, no way was she eating Rise's food, so maybe he should grab her something from Souzai Daigaku. Aiya, if he was feeling generous. Ten minutes later, he'd been standing in the kitchen in an apron, desperately trying to figure out what he could make with a fridge full of leftovers.
The final result: a box of sliced up okonomiyaki. Wasn't ideal - reheating always turned the texture weird - but it was the best he could do in the middle of the night. And his old man loved the stuff; used to make it all the time.
Naoto would probably hate it.
"What did you bring?"
Kanji's head snapped up. Naoto stood in the entrance, leaning against the door-frame with one hand clutching her opposite shoulder.
"S'just okonomiyaki," he mumbled, and pulled a spatula out the cooler. "You can heat it up."
No response. When he dared to glance over, she was frowning at the sink. "The flowers serve no purpose."
"Rise," Kanji blurted. "You got a vase somewhere?"
She shook her head.
Stupid question. "Don't matter," he muttered. "Figure somethin' out,"
Again, Naoto stayed quiet.
Minutes passed. Originally intending to grab a slice of the okonomiyaki and heat it up, Kanji instead stared at the spatula until it didn't look like one anymore and wished Naoto would stop fricking watching him. He could feel her eyes on him from the doorway. The feeling left his nerves twitching.
Finally, he got angry enough to look over, ready to tell her to go lie down - but she was staring at the floor. Either her reflexes were amazing, or he needed to calm the hell down.
Shrugging, Kanji turned his attention back to the spatula.
"I don't recall trying it before," Naoto said suddenly. "Okonomiyaki."
"S'good. Y-You got plates?"
She gestured to the cupboard above the cooker. Kanji leaned over and yanked open the door so hard it almost smacked him in the head. Fortunately, Naoto didn't seem to notice, so he tried to turn it into a smooth grab for a plate. "S'posed to be resting, right?"
"I'm _fine_," she snapped. Again.
"Yeah, y'said." Kanji choked back a growl. "Go sit down, gonna bring you somethin' to eat."
"There's absolutely no need for--"
"I know, alright?" Kanji rounded on her, fists clenched. "Shit, I'm just trying to--" The sentence stopped dead; partly because he hadn't meant to lose his temper, but mostly because he realized he was still brandishing the spatula.
Naoto stared at him for a beat, expression perfectly blank. Then she folded her arms, her gaze shifting back to the floor. "Very well. Do not make a mess." She stiffened. "And... you will leave afterwards."
With that, she vanished back into the living room. Kanji stared at the empty space, not sure whether he was more upset she hadn't thanked him or that she thought he'd screw up her kitchen. Cursing under his breath, he focused on heating up a slice of okonomiyaki and searching for something to put the flowers in. No doubt Rise set him up with those, too. In the end he settled for emptying out an expired carton of orange juice, chopping off the top and sticking the stupid things in there. Wasn't like anyone would care.
Same went for the food. Soon as it was done, he picked up the plate, grabbed some chopsticks from a drawer and stomped out into the living room - where Naoto was on the sofa, curled on her side and fast asleep. Didn't stir, even when he walked in front and set the plate down on the table.
Kanji straightened, insisting to himself that he definitely, absolutely wasn't going to look at her - then did.
Naoto looked... cute. Small, too. Not that she didn't usually, on either front; it was just way more obvious when she wasn't glaring and kicking up a fuss because he was trying to do her a damn favor. Cats, Kanji thought. Piss them off or scare them, and they fluffed themselves up twice as big. He wondered if he should try putting her in bed, until his self-preservation instinct kicked in and he decided she was just fine where she was.
Should find her a blanket, though, keep her warm. If he draped his school coat over her then she'd kill him soon as she could walk straight. A blanket, she might think she fetched herself and forgot. Couldn't just bust into her bedroom to fetch one, but checking the living room closet was worth a try. Maybe, Kanji dared to think, he could get away with picking up those papers underneath the door while he was at it.
Careful not to wake Naoto, he crept over to the closet, pulled the door open - and gaped.
The closet was a wreck. Boxes overflowing with papers, two blankets tangled on the shelf, a crumpled shirt thrown in the corner, and CD cases scattered around the toppled piles of tattered books on the floors.
Kanji twitched.
Busy with the case, that was all. Probably meant to tidy it up any day now. There was no way - no way _at all_ - that somebody like Naoto would let a closet stay this way. The top two shelves were already clear, he noted hastily, and that had nothing to do with her not being tall enough to shove stuff on them.
Snatching the blanket, he shut the closet and tried to forget it existed. Slammed the door a little harder than he meant, but it didn't wake Naoto. Good thing, too; Kanji had the feeling she hadn't meant to fall asleep.
He draped the blanket over her, holding his breath when she stirred, and stepped back.
Stupid. Wasn't like she'd appreciate the gesture. He'd gotten nothing but grief for bringing her food, then snuck around her apartment just to do her a favor she'd never thank him for. Naoto was a pain in the ass. Specifically, a pain in the ass that had lied for months, barely acknowledged he existed and _still _had him hanging on every word she didn't say.
Kanji watched her a few moments longer, brow furrowed - then took the plate back to the kitchen, grabbed the cooler, and let himself out.
15. Chapter 12
_A/N: Story so far: The team visited Naoto, repeatedly - leaving her convinced that ending up on a telephone pole might not have been that bad._
_In this part: Kanji wants a fistfight, Yukiko wants a rainbow, and figuring out what Naoto wants is impossible.
_
* * *
**October 4th, 2011**
Boots pounding against the wet pavement, raindrops bombarding his umbrella, Kanji stormed down the street to Naoto's apartment and cursed Rise Kujikawa with every stride.
It'd been raining all day, the same steady downpour that meant fog was heading in. Not always the _bad_ sort of fog - sometimes weather was just weather - but it'd been over a week since they'd pulled Naoto out the television. The timing was right.
No problem, though. She was safe, they'd done everything right, and maybe now he could--
He shook his head, squirming at the drops of water that slid inside his jacket collar and down his neck. For a guy trying so hard to not-think about someone, he let Naoto work her way inside his head far too often. Naturally, Rise was making things worse. Running out on him last week had been seriously shitty, and he'd almost torn her a new one over it - but she'd still never apologized. Wouldn't admit she'd set him up, either. Just pouted a bunch, insisted Kanji was paranoid, then pulled almost the same stunt today. She'd dragged him aside this morning and told him she wanted to visit Naoto - he should _totally_ come along, Naoto-kun would love it - then called him while he was walking to the apartment and explained she had an errand to run, so she'd be just a little late - oh, and so would Yukiko-senpai, something had come up at the inn.
Fifth visit. Second time stuck alone in a room with Naoto, trying not to stare at her. At least he'd spent the other visits just trying to not get caught. Dammit, he'd expected Rise to screw him over, but Yukiko-senpai too?
...Then again, Yukiko was pretty clueless sometimes. On the other hand, Rise could talk a starving pig out a garbage can - and if the pig still said no, she'd just whine at it till it got desperate enough to jump. She'd probably been pulling strings on this all day. Kanji decided to give Yukiko the benefit of the doubt, and instead focused on cursing Rise as he walked up to the apartment lobby, folded his umbrella and heaved his bag back over his shoulder.
Maybe if he just decided he was over Naoto, he would be. Not that there was anything to get over. Only a dumb crush on someone who wasn't what he'd thought at all; someone who didn't even exist. Kanji had figured the thought would made him feel better, but the knot in his stomach, the one that'd been there since Naoto disappeared - hell, since she showed up in Inaba - only twisted tighter.
Stupid Rise. Stupid Naoto, too.
Kanji headed toward the elevator doors, glowered at them for a few seconds, then slammed his palm against the call button.
_t__humpthumpthump_
He glanced up.
_thumpthumpthump_
The noise was coming from his left. A lot of noises, getting faster and louder.
_thumpthumpthump_
Sounded like they were coming from behind the stairwell door. Sounded a lot like somebody running.
Frowning, Kanji shoved open the door, took a long stride towards the first step - and smacked straight into Naoto, barreling down the stairs at high speed.
The impact barely shook him. Naoto yelped and almost tumbled backwards. Steadying herself on the stair-rail, she shot him a flustered glare. "Why are--move, now!"
His brow furrowed. "Why? Where y'goin?"
"Out," snapped Naoto. She looked much better. Had to be, if she'd sprinted down four floors - but she still had one hand pressed flat against the wall, and the knuckles of the other were white around the rail. "Move!"
"But you're s'posed to be sick!"
The only answer was an angry grunt as she tried to duck under his arm, until he swung it down and blocked the way. Naoto shoved at it with both hands, growling.
Stubborn little bastard, Kanji thought. "Stoppit! Go back upstairs."
She opened her mouth to respond, but whatever she had in mind - probably nothing good - was lost in the sound of a door banging open, somewhere on a higher floor.
"Naoto! Don't you make me come down there!"
Kanji blinked. "That Chie-senpai?"
Naoto's eyes widened, and she tried to shove past him a second time, smacking her palms against his shoulder. "Tatsumi! Will you just _move?"_
What was he supposed to do here? Push her away? Pick her up? Kanji settled on a frown as Naoto launched a volley of blows against his arms and chest. "I ain't lettin' you--"
"I swear, Naoto-kun, you try that again and I'll kick you down the stairs myself!" Chie stood on the landing between floors, her arms spread wide between the stair-rails. "Thanks, Kanji-kun," she added, then went back to glaring at Naoto as she jogged down the last flight of steps.
Glares, Kanji had learned over the past few months, were ten times more terrifying when they came from girls. Especially girls that could kick you into orbit if you pissed them off. "No worries," he mumbled - noticing that Naoto had stopped beating him with her fists.
"What's wrong with you?" Chie snapped. "Why'd you run?"
Naoto made a sort-of-indignant, sort-of-frustrated noise and tugged at her cap. First time Kanji had seen her wear it since the rescue. Made her look like usual, even if he couldn't see her eyes.
He turned to Chie. "Somethin' happen?"
"Nothing! Yosuke and I were just _talking_. Next thing, the door slams, I hear footsteps hammering down the corridor and there's no Naoto!"
"Yeah, but she didn't get far. Told you we didn't need to run after her." Yosuke strolled down the stairs, hands shoved in his pockets, the tinny rattling from his headphones growing louder with each step. "Good catch, Tatsumi!"
With a low growl, Naoto gestured dramatically toward Kanji and almost smacked him in the chest. He wasn't certain he'd have noticed. "He did not _catch_ me! I was--"
"Like you'd run anywhere, Hanamura," Chie snapped, hands on hips. "Naoto-kun would've made it to Okina by the time you reached the street."
"Right," Yosuke deadpanned. "Because you're _way_ faster than me in a fight."
"At least _I _didn't fall down the strip club stairs!"
Naoto, about to make her fourth attempt at starting a sentence in the past fifteen seconds, suddenly stopped.
"Hey! No fair, the lighting there sucked!"
Kanji looked down at her. "Uh... you, you gonna go back to your apartment?"
Before Naoto could answer, Chie jumped in. "Yep, she sure is," she said with a grimace, then turned to Yosuke. "Wait here, I'll be back in a minute."
Kanji and Yosuke watched the two girls walk back up the stairs - or rather, Chie drag and scold Naoto, who was trying to start sentences again and kicking her feet against every step.
"So… visit went good?" Kanji asked, as the stairwell door slammed three floors above.
"Oh, just great." Yosuke rolled his eyes. "All those glares and awkward silences are really helping us bond as a team."
Any visit from Yosuke and Chie wasn't likely to involve silence at all, awkward or otherwise. They'd come by the shop together back in May and argued themselves stupid. Nearly Kanji, too. "Why're you here with Chie-senpai?"
"Why wouldn't I be?"
Kanji shrugged. "Dunno. Figured you'd visit with Souji-senpai, I guess."
"So, what, I'm his extra head?" Yosuke snapped, scowling. "Look, Chie was at school and I was gonna come here anyway and I figured I might as well go with _somebody_ instead of just sitting around not-talking with Naoto." It came out in one burst, and by the end he'd almost tied his headphone cord in a double knot.
"Just askin'. Don't get shitty."
"Yeah, well." Yosuke's lips curled into a smirk. "Guess Naoto-kun's getting on great with you, though. Seeing as you visit her all by yourself."
Under Rise and Chie's poking, Kanji had tried to get used to Yosuke's innate talent for being an ass. Hadn't worked. "Shut it, idiot."
"I dunno, Kanji, kinda think I should send Yukiko along as chaperone. Wait a sec, maybe you're not into Naoto anymore, huh? Since she's not--" The rest was lost in a yelp as Kanji lunged forward, grabbed Yosuke's jacket collar and shoved him against the wall.
"I said _shut it_!"
"Hey! Chill, Kanji! I'm just... c'mon, you get it, right?"
Kanji's hands fell to his sides. Shit, he hadn't meant to do that. "No, an' neither do you."
"Dude, I swear I was just kidding." Yosuke tugged his jacket back into place, watching Kanji carefully. "Naoto's not a guy anyway."
"Still the same person." Kanji had no idea if it was true, but any lie was better than letting on that he still had the same doubts as before, maybe always would.
Yosuke shrugged. "Yeah, but it's different, you know that."
"Quit bugging him, Yosuke." Chie jogged down the last flight of stairs. Distracted as he'd been, Kanji hadn't heard her footsteps. "Naoto's all yours, Kanji-kun. Good luck."
Kanji nodded, mumbled a half-apology to Yosuke, then climbed the stairs to the fourth floor two steps at a time. When he reached Naoto's apartment, the door was already closed. He raised his hand to knock - wondering why his knuckles hadn't left dents in the surface, he'd been here so often the past week - but it swung wide open before he could finish the motion.
Without looking or speaking, or acknowledging him in any other way, Naoto turned on her heels and stalked back inside. Kanji followed, equally silent and hoping he'd piss her off just as much as she did him.
Naturally, the first thing he noticed after kicking off his boots was the sheaf of papers still stuffed under the closet door. The second was the pile of books on the floor, which led to the third - a vase of flowers on the middle bookshelf. Same flowers Rise had made him deliver after standing him up. "You, uh, got a vase."
"I requested that Hanamura-san purchase one at Junes on my behalf."
He frowned, poking at one of the petals. "Thought y'said flowers were pointless."
"They are," was Naoto's quick retort. "But keeping them in an orange juice container is inappropriate."
Kanji had figured it was a neat idea, given a lack of alternatives. Garish as the flowers were, he couldn't have just left them lying around in the kitchen. But maybe Naoto thought he was weird for even caring. Hell, maybe Rise'd let on that he'd wanted to help pick the flowers out. Jaw clenched tight, he skulked off to the kitchen and dumped the bag on the counter. Naoto appeared in the doorway moments later.
He hoped she'd say something to keep the not-conversation going - Rise would've, girl never met a silence she couldn't fill - but instead she just watched him unpack the bag. Inside were a few extra sheets of class notes, a couple of plastic boxes and some more juice (seeing as he'd wrecked her last carton, expired or not and no matter how little she appreciated the reason). Kanji decided he'd have to pack three times as much if he ever came back, because with the bag now empty there was no reason to keep looking at the kitchen counter instead of at Naoto.
Moments passed.
Kanji's patience finally snapped. "Whass'matter with you?"
"You were here two days ago."
"An' now I'm back," he muttered, fingers clamped around the edge of the counter. The others had come by more often than him, right? Senpai'd probably been back and forth all the time.
"Alone?"
"Nah. Rise and Yukiko-senpai, they're gonna show up soon."
He finally dared to look up. Naoto was staring at the floor and toying with her collar. Kanji kept watching, trying to gauge her expression under her cap and figure out whether she'd rather have Rise and Yukiko talk her ears off than deal with him - but when her gaze snapped up to the two plastic boxes stacked on top of each other on the counter, he quickly turned away.
"You brought more food," she pointed out.
"Chicken mizutaki. That okay?"
No answer. A nod, maybe?
Damn, this was _awkward_.
Kanji grit his teeth. "So... feelin' better?"
"Yes." Her voice shifted, suddenly cold and clipped. "So you should have _moved_."
"What?"
"The stairs. You _blocked_ them. I simply wanted--"
Kanji twisted round, swinging his hand toward the door. "Wanted t'what? Run out into traffic?"
"We have a killer to locate. My idling here achieves nothing!"
"You ain't gonna get anything done 'till you're better!"
"Why does everyone think I'm--I am fine, I have things to do, the case isn't..." She trailed off, pinching the bridge of her nose between two fingers. "...We need fresh leads. More information."
Kid had a point. Save for knowing who _wasn't_ the killer, they'd crashed back to the start. "I know, alright? We got nothing."
"Indeed," Naoto muttered, then let out a long breath. "How did you handle this in the past?"
He shrugged. "Waited till somebody vanished, I guess."
"Ridiculous. We must be proactive about this."
"Senpai's decision. He's the boss," Kanji said - watching as Naoto's shoulders tensed. "You rushed off last time, look where it got you!"
"It 'got me' proof that the police have the wrong man."
"Big deal!" Kanji stepped closer, fists balled. "You seriously think that was worth gettin' yourself killed for?"
"I am alive and well. A fact you all seem determined to completely disregard!"
"Dammit, are you a complete idiot?"
Naoto instantly bristled, eyes flashing dangerously. "I do _not _value your--"
"Practically throwin' yourself in, never even telling us! Shit, Naoto, we almost didn't make it, took us a whole week just to figure out where the hell you were!"
He'd stepped forward again at some point, leaving him towering over her. Naoto just leaned toward him in turn, chin tipped up, one finger pointing square at his chest. "I took the most reasonable course of action to achieve my aim, I had approached you all previously and none of you were willing to divulge any useful information! I asked _you_ directly, and you offered nothing but evasion - what else could I have done?"
"I dunno, how about anything _except_ throwing yourself in a television?!"
"Listen, Tatsumi, at no point did I--"
"No, you listen! You coulda told someone, left us a damn note, just swaggered on up and said you'd figured us out - screw it, I don't even care, you got no idea how I felt!"
Dead silence fell. Naoto's hand froze, locked mid-point.
"Uh - how all of us felt. The team," Kanji quickly added, silently willing the kitchen floor to collapse beneath his feet.
She stared at him for a beat, expression blank - then tugged at her cap and folded her arms in what seemed like a single movement. "Your assumption is incorrect. Rise-san has already stated that you were concerned for my well-being."
"W-we all were, y'know?" He made a mental note to do more yelling at Rise later that day. "Course we were."
"Pointless. Do you really believe I'm--I, I am not incapable and I do _not_ require anyone's pity! Something I wish all of you would recognize," she added darkly.
Dumb as he knew it was, Kanji had hoped for an apology, or at least some sort of acknowledgment of how damn stupid she'd been. Wishful thinking. "It ain't that I'm not happy you're back," he said, running a hand through his hair. "The team, y'know. We're all glad."
"Double negative," Naoto muttered.
"What?"
"Saying that something isn't not the case. Double negative. What you should say is, 'I'm happy that you're--" The sentence stopped short, and Naoto unfolded her arms then folded them again a moment later. "You understand."
Kanji wished intently that they could just settle this with a brawl instead. Worked for everything else. "Whatever. I, I ain't the only one to think it, alright?"
"I know. Satonaka-san made her opinion _perfectly _clear. To the point where even Hanamura-san began to defend my actions." Naoto hesitated; mouth twitching with what almost looked like a wince. "At high volume."
No wonder she'd bolted. Kanji might've jumped out the window. "Yeah, they're real good at that. 'Specially if they get to do it loud."
She nodded glumly, then turned and walked back into the living room. Kanji followed; the mizutaki could wait.
"S'probably no consolation," he offered, "but after I got pulled out, they came by almost every day. Third time round, Ma threatened to throw all of us out in the street." And with Ma, that took a lot. "But they're good guys, y'know?"
"Yes." Naoto paused in front of the couch, one hand on her hip, and stared at the floor by his feet. "Which is why I..."
"Uh... which is why what?"
Again, Naoto didn't answer. Out in the living room, Kanji could hear the rain beat against the window; maybe the extra sound was why this silence didn't feel so taut.
"Tatsumi." Soon as she'd begun, Naoto hesitated and shook her head. "Kanji-kun. I... I ought to... demonstrate gratitude. Express regret."
It sounded like a robot reading a foreign language textbook. Kanji still blinked.
He'd definitely missed something. Maybe an entire conversation. "Uh... for what?"
"For... for my behavior, I was--you see, Seta-san has... informed me of my failings as regards your group. That I must make amends and, and accept this new situation." Her shoulders slumped slightly. "I may as well start now."
Kanji's fingers snarled in the hem of his shirt. "S'right, he already talked to you." More than that, he'd actually got her to _listen_.
Naoto nodded. "Twice. And provided me with a very thorough explanation of your group's actions thus far. He's an intelligent man. It's no wonder he's led you all so successfully."
"You... he said you guys talked a while."
"I suppose," she said, with a small shrug. "Why?"
Figures. Both smart, probably had tons to talk about. Kanji wanted to ask what was so damn special about Senpai that Naoto had listened to him - but the answer was obvious. Instead, he settled for a noise he hoped she'd take as indifference. Naoto, meanwhile, contemplated the floor.
More moments passed.
"Uh… s'good," Kanji eventually managed. "Y'know. Wanting to be friends." Friends with him, he let himself think, heat starting to creep over his cheeks.
"Perhaps. I had intended to... explain my new stance to Satonaka-san and Hanamura-san, but... well." Naoto frowned. "Um… what was that about strip--"
"Y'can tell Rise and Yukiko-senpai instead," Kanji said hurriedly. "They're gonna be here any time." Or they were supposed to be. Rise could've just as easily gone to gawk at Souji-senpai across a library table all afternoon instead. "They, uh, they wanna see you."
Naoto opened her mouth to respond - then instantly closed it, jaw tightening. "That's.... kind of them."
It was a nice try, and a complete failure. "Ain't what you're thinking at all, is it?"
Her eyes narrowed. "Why do you pres--" She stopped, mouth clamped shut again, and took a deep breath. "We simply have little in common."
"So ask 'em to leave. Say you're tired."
Naoto's fingers moved to her shirt collar, then fell away and curled into a fist at her side. "That would be counterproductive. As I have stated, I must accept these things, since I intend to join your investigation."
Kanji blinked. "You serious?"
"Having spoken with Seta-san, I believe it the only rational course of action. Combining our resources would be a mutually beneficial arrangement."
A bunch of big words, spouted in a rush - but from the bits Kanji could decode, Naoto had just made teaming up sound like opening a joint bank account. "Huh... you mean we'll kick more ass, right?"
She raised an eyebrow. "...I suppose that's one way of phrasing it."
"Coulda signed up before, if you'd just said you'd figured us out." He wasn't sure how true that was - maybe Senpai would've denied the whole affair to someone without a Persona - but it would've been worth a try.
But if things _had_ gone that way, none of them would know who Naoto Shirogane really was. Or what.
Hand on hip, Naoto stared at the ceiling and started tapping her foot against the living room floor. The rhythm jarred with the rain outside. "I had originally thought--well, before, I had anticipated that your group might require--"
"We didn't not want to tell you everything, yeah?" At least, _he_ hadn't.
"Double negative. Again. You struggle with composition."
Kanji swore his face would burst into flame, and tried to head it off with a scowl. "So? Ain't like you don't--ah, shit." His cheeks flushed hotter. "Fine, laugh, whatever!"
"I was stating a fact." Naoto looked away, foot still tapping. "If you require some assistance. With schoolwork."
Deciding he needed something to stare at that wasn't Naoto, Kanji swiveled toward the bookshelf. "I don't want t'copy your stuff. Ain't right. 'Sides, Senpai'd freak."
"No. I meant... I would help you. Instruct you. Rise-san has informed me that Amagi-san does the same for Satonaka-san, and Seta-san for her and Hanamura-san. She also declared it beneficial and suggested I do the same for you."
Kanji didn't have the heart to explain that Rise was less interested in improving her work and more in improving her chances with Senpai; also, in making Kanji's life as difficult as possible. Besides, he was busy convincing himself not to run out the door. Shit, study sessions? With Naoto? Fastest way in the world for her to figure out what a moron he was.
"So. This would, would appear appropriate. Since Seta-san has instructed me to... adapt." Naoto's voice quickened. "Of course, if you do not wish to--"
"Uh, no, I... I mean, maybe not now, but later, yeah? Once you're back. Everything settled." Kanji swallowed hard and glowered at the bookshelf. Stupid books. "Just... don't expect a lot, alright?"
She'd laugh at him. Admittedly, he'd never seen her do that before, but this would make her start. She'd probably read all these big books, too, not only the pulp detective stuff. Just reading some of the titles made Kanji's eyelids heavy. His eyes drifted to the thickest volume on the shelf, which he figured was some police textbook - until he realized he recognized the name. The Daijisen. Same dictionary the school principal said all good students should own - except even the kind of useless students like Kanji knew you just looked that crap up on the internet if you really cared, because who the hell kept _books_?
...Naoto, of course. Which was why he'd meant to buy himself one of these for home, teach himself enough words to hold a conversation with her. Him, back then. Some hope. Vocabulary had never been the problem.
"You are interested in dictionaries?"
Kanji nearly jumped. Naoto had snuck up on him. She now stood at his elbow, peering up from under her hat.
"No. Just looking. Thought... y'know, maybe get one someday." He swallowed. "Good for reading, all that crap."
"You read?"
"I--I used to. When I was a k-kid," he stammered, his mind pointing out that if he told her what, he'd be obliged to kick his own ass (and sounding way too much like Take-Mikazuchi as it did.)
Naoto's eyes narrowed. "That contradicts your earlier statement outside the bookshop."
"Yeah. I know. Just..." He hesitated, both weirded-out that she remembered and wishing he'd learn to shut his stupid mouth. "Like I said, a kid."
"What genres?"
"Usual. Y'know."
"No," Naoto said flatly.
Kanji was about to make something up - books about dinosaurs in spaceships, maybe - when the door burst open. "Hey, guys!"
Crap. He'd hadn't closed the door. Naoto-induced absent-mindedness. "Rise?"
Rise barged into the room, a pigtail whirlwind with Yukiko in tow. "Yep! Honestly, Naoto-kun, you need to remember to lock up, someone could just waltz on over and kidnap you again." She twirled toward Kanji. "Hey there, Kanji-kun. Having fun?"
"None of your business," he snapped. On one hand, Rise had saved his ass, or at least saved him from having to kick it. On the other, she was a conniving brat and he wished she'd gotten lost on the way to the apartment.
Meanwhile, Naoto had worked up a serious glare. "I _intended_ to be kidnapped, Rise-san, I am perfectly capable of def--"
"Kidding, Naoto! Besides, you've got Kanji-kun here to protect you." Rise threw her arms around Naoto's shoulders, turning the rest of the indignant response into something wordless, high-pitched and unhappy. "Right, Yukiko-senpai?"
Yukiko had been wearing the same vague look of confusion since she'd walked into the room. "Hmm? Oh... that's right. Kanji-kun's quite strong." She hesitated, brow delicately creased. "Although... I remember in middle school, he--"
"Yeah, that's great, you wanna siddown or what?" Kanji snapped, then stormed off into the kitchen to make some tea.
**
* * *
**
******October 5****th****, 2011**
The rain still hadn't stopped. Sitting cross-legged on the floor of the store, planning out a winter hat and scarf display, Kanji listened to it hammer against the window and wondered when the fog would hit. Yosuke had sworn up and down it'd be tonight, Senpai never got it wrong.
Only a few hours before it got dark, though. Maybe Senpai hadn't called it this time. Not everyone was perfect; not even him. Hell, definitely not Naoto, who Kanji still couldn't shake out his head - especially knowing that, even though they'd spoken about five times ever, Souji-senpai had still managed to--
Scarves. He'd hang them by color. Neutral for the adults, primaries for the kids. No, split them up by fabric too, women usually asked. Which left the hats, but there wasn't one of those to match every scarf and they wouldn't all fit on the rack. Maybe he needed to dig the mannequin heads out of storage, set a couple of them up near the window?
The shop door opened, ringing the bell on the frame. Kanji barely noticed, too busy figuring out what to do with the damn hats and trying not to wonder whether Naoto looked better with or without hers. He definitely didn't hear the footsteps; no surprise, once he heard the voice and knew who'd made them. "Kanji-kun?"
Kanji twisted round. "Oh, s'up, Yukiko-senpai."
"Scarves? Isn't it still too warm for that?" she asked, looking at the half-finished display rack.
Wait. She was wearing a kimono and haori. Meaning she was here for the inn.
He jumped to his feet, a flurry of scarves following. "Crap, sorry! Wasn't paying attention. Thought Ma had the counter," he added - trying to figure out if he'd seen her kimono before. Wasn't one from the store, but it still looked really well put-together. Good quality silk, and hand-sewn, of course; most machines wrecked that stuff off the bat. Design was nice too. Classy. Pale lavender, with white flowers sewn into the fabric - or blossoms, maybe, looked like there were a few small branches in there too. Not quite right for the fall, though. If he could see the petals, then--
"Um... what are you staring at?" Yukiko asked, staring at him in turn.
"Uh. Sorry," he mumbled. "Your kimono, it ain't one of ours. Where'd you get it?"
"Oh! My grandmother. She sends me at least four a year." Yukiko let out a quiet sigh. "This one came with a matching umbrella."
"She got good taste. None of that city store crap. Man, they don't even use silk!"
"But you get your shirts from the city, don't you?"
"A t-shirt ain't a kimono," Kanji said weightily - not mentioning that she was wrong and that he'd finally figured out exactly the right printing technique to make a heart-eyed skull survive a full year's worth of wear.
"Grandmother wouldn't like it, but... I thought about asking for some brighter designs, like I've seen online," Yukiko whispered, glancing round the store like her grandma might be hiding behind a shelf.
Kanji shrugged. "Eh, leave the garish stuff to Rise. She makes it work."
"Ah, Yuki-chan!" Ma stepped through the stockroom door, a roll of fabric under her arm. "I wondered who Kanji-chan was chattering with. My, you look lovely!"
Yukiko bowed politely. "Thank you, Tatsumi-sama."
Ma hummed approvingly. "You came to fetch the paperwork for your mother, correct? I'm sorry, we've been so busy lately, I haven't had chance to pass it on."
"That's no problem at all, Tatsumi-sama. I'm happy to deliver it."
"Oh, you're a helpful girl! Kanji-chan could learn a lot from you. Usually he'd help with the backlog, but he's given up sewing in favor of cooking lately." She shot him a stern look, then turned back to Yukiko. "Do you think your mother could find him a kitchen job at the inn?"
Yukiko dissolved into giggles, while Kanji settled for a glare. "Ma! Shut up!"
"Midnight's such an odd time to make dinner, too," Ma added, sighing, as she walked back inside the stockroom.
"Old bat," he muttered.
"Tatsumi-san is your mother, Kanji-ch--I mean, Kanji-kun. You should be polite," Yukiko managed - then let out a laugh verging on a snort. "Oh, but I can just imagine you running around the inn in an apron!"
Nothing wrong with aprons, Kanji reminded himself. "She's exaggeratin' anyway! 'S not been that many times _and_ it ain't always at midnight." Besides, she was old, shouldn't she have been sleeping?
Yukiko smiled, shoulders still shaking with laughter. "Let me guess... Chef Tatsumi's cooking for Naoto-kun?"
"Never said that," Kanji muttered, then flopped back down on the floor and started poking at a pile of hats.
"Doesn't Rise-chan mind? She was very excited about making food to take over."
"Been telling her s'all leftovers. Don't wanna hurt her feelings."
"I'm surprised Naoto-kun hasn't commented on Rise's cooking. It seems like something she'd--" Yukiko paused. "But... you know, she was very nice at the end of our last visit. I wonder if Souji-kun said something to her."
Kanji grunted. _Very nice_ just meant Naoto'd thanked them for visiting on their way out the door, instead of folding her arms and ignoring them. Still, the noise must've sounded like agreement, because Yukiko kept going. "He's been distracted ever since Naoto-kun disappeared. I can't really blame him, it's like we haven't accomplished anything." Her voice dropped to a whisper. "All these months and we aren't any closer to finding out who the true killer is."
"Well, we know who it ain't."
She nodded. "After all that effort with Kubo. Ugh, I hated that dungeon quest thing, it gave me such a headache!"
No kidding. Everything Kanji looked at had turned into giant blocks for a whole month after. Screwed up his sewing completely. He shifted his shoulders, then gestured to an empty spot on the floor among the scarves. "You can sit down, yeah? Ma probably got sidetracked."
Yukiko carefully knelt down beside him, folding her legs in a way he couldn't quite follow. "You know, Kanji-kun, when we started all this... I did it for Chie, really. But I started to enjoy it. I'd never done anything like this before. And the fire..." She trailed off and stared down at her hands, slim fingers bunching in her kimono. "But it doesn't feel like fun anymore. It feels like we've done everything wrong."
"No way! Look at all the people you helped. Naoto, Rise." He jabbed a thumb towards his chest. "Me, too. And Senpai's on top of everything, he'll figure stuff out."
She nodded. "... You're right, I'm sorry. And I'm sure having Naoto-kun around will make Souji-kun feel much better."
"Whassat s'posed to mean?" Kanji snapped, grabbing a turquoise silk scarf and trying not to yell.
"Well... Naoto-kun's a detective, isn't she? She probably knows all kinds of investigation techniques." Yukiko frowned. "Why? What did you think I meant?"
_Investigation techniques_. Right. Staring at the wall, Kanji willed the heat from his cheeks. "Nothin'."
**
* * *
**
**October 6****th,**** 2011**
Naoto hadn't moved in the last fifteen minutes.
From outside the window, Kanji could barely see her face - she had her head tilted down toward her desk, so her eyes were hidden under the brim of her cap - but her arms were folded tight over her chest and she hadn't looked up at all, not even when other students walked in the room.
What the hell was up?
A hand grabbed his elbow. Kanji, guessing who the hand was attached to, refused to look down. "Get lost, Rise."
"Oh, so you can spy on Naoto-kun through a classroom window?" Rise stood on tiptoes next to him and peered through the glass. "That's so weird, Kanji-kun. It's only her first day back."
"I-I ain't--" Except he was. No two ways. "Dammit, go bother Senpai!"
"Nah, this is way more fun," insisted Rise, then poked him in the ribs. "So, when are you gonna ask her out? Sweep her off her feet?"
"Whassit to you?"
"_Duh_. I'm your friend. And you gotta get in there before some other guy does." She shrugged. "Or girl, I guess."
She had a point. Kanji had already heard a few girls this morning lamenting that their favorite Detective wasn't technically a Prince. He'd also heard more than a few others claim that was a minor detail.
Rise rocked back on her heels, humming thoughtfully. "Shame Naoto-kun isn't really a guy. I thought she was kinda good-looking, you know." She sighed dramatically, one hand pressed to her forehead. "And now there's _another_ girl I gotta fight off for Senpai!"
"Shut it. She don't even like him." Even though every other girl in the school did. Maybe the whole town.
"C'mon, Kanji-kun. I'm kidding. It's great that Naoto-kun's a girl. You and her are gonna be so cute together!"
"I said shut it!" he hissed. "S'none of your business!"
First Yosuke, now Rise. _It's cool, she's a chick, you were normal all along!_ As if his head had just thrown out all that stuff from earlier in the year; like everything came down to Naoto.
Lately, Kanji had wondered if it did.
Then he noticed Rise hadn't said anything for the past ten seconds. Which was definitely Not-Rise - and when he glanced down, she was biting her lip.
"You don't have to be like _that_," she said quietly.
"Ah… crap, Rise, I'm sorry. It's just… " Kanji scratched his neck as he fumbled for the right words, before deciding it wasn't worth the effort. "Didn't mean it."
She tipped her head to the left, eyes narrowed, then let out a breath. "Kanji-kun, you're gonna drive yourself crazy. Me too." The smile leapt back to her face in an instant. "C'mon, why don't we go in and talk to Naoto-kun? Maybe all the gossip's getting her down." Her eyebrows arched. "You wouldn't believe some of the rumors going round."
Kanji's first, primal impulse was to demand she tell him what each rumor was, who'd made it up and where he could find them. Naoto wouldn't appreciate the effort, though. Neither would the school principal. Grumbling under his breath, he followed Rise inside the classroom and over to Naoto.
"Hey, Naoto-kun!" Rise perched on the desk, one palm flat against the surface.
Naoto didn't look up. "Rise-san."
Kanji waited for his name. It never came. "Uh. Hey."
"Tatsumi."
He opened his mouth to answer, not really knowing what he'd say - but as usual, Rise got there first. "You look a lot better, Naoto-kun. Handsome as always!" she chirped, then winked. "I saw all those letters piling up while you were away. Almost as many as I get."
Naoto just shrugged.
A weird, awkward silence curled around the three of them, and Kanji started to wish he was back in Void Quest.
"Well!" Rise jumped down from the desk. "Guess I'll go now! Kanji-kun wanted to talk to you, anyway."
"No I did--" Kanji started, then yelped when Rise stamped on his foot.
"You sure did!" she trilled dangerously, with a pointed look. "_Remember?_"
"Uh?" Hold on. Was this another--
"Bye, guys!" Rise was already halfway to the door. "Gotta run!"
Kanji watched her run out into the corridor, his fist half-raised - then looked back at Naoto, who was staring at him with her arms still folded. "You had something to say."
"Uh," he repeated, eyes wide.
Naoto kept staring.
He swallowed hard and squared his shoulders. "Y-yeah. Yeah, I do!" Both his palms slammed against the desk; Naoto didn't seem impressed. "Whass wrong?"
"Nothing."
"But... you..." _Seemed just fine two days ago and didn't make me have a conversation by myself. _"So...uh, you're still wearin' the boy's--"
"There's no reason to change. I am accustomed to this," Naoto said briskly. Her shoulders tensed. "If there is a problem..."
"No, no! Whatever works, y'know?" The image of Naoto in a girl's uniform was both really damn cute and really damn weird. Kanji wasn't sure whether it'd leave him stuffing a tissue up his nose or break his brain for good.
"Then this, for now."
"Ain't nobody gonna give you trouble over it, don't worry." This was solid ground; Kanji cracked his knuckles for emphasis. "'Cause if they do--"
"Unnecessary," she muttered. "People talk. I... I am still myself. I am simply now open regarding my gender."
"Well... that's great, right? Secrets. Bad news," he added, trying not to feel like a hypocrite.
"I was... there was nothing wrong with--" The sentence stopped short; Naoto tensed her jaw and stared straight ahead. "Of course. You are right."
Two days since he'd seen her, that was all. Not for the first time, Kanji knew there was something crucial he was missing; not so much a piece of the puzzle as a picture telling him what the damn thing was supposed to look like.
"S'good you're back," he tried.
Naoto looked up, expression perfectly blank. "Tatsumi. If you will excuse me, I must catch up on my missed work before class."
Kanji considered several responses: _you probably did it already, then where's your damn textbook, what the hell changed_. He settled for the easiest of all: cursing under his breath and storming out the classroom, slamming the door behind him.
16. Chapter 13
_A/N: Story so far: Rise kept up her own subtle brand of matchmaking, while Kanji and Naoto almost had a real conversation (until she decided she missed being a jerk.) _
_In this part: Kanji doesn't talk about sewing club, Naoto joins the team, and Rise explains the most crucial part of female friendship._
_(A delay on this one... apologies, the next part should be speedier. Many thanks to Rayless Night for game dialogue details when Souji turns down Naoto's request to join the team.)
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**October 6th 2011**
By noon, Kanji still hadn't figured out what the hell was up with Naoto - despite spending most of the morning mathematics class thinking about it, to the point where Nakayama-sensei had kept him late afterward to lecture him on the importance of paying attention (which soon turned into a long rant about how her husband never did). Next had been Composition, where he'd genuinely tried to listen. Looked at the textbook and everything. However, Kanji had never been great at talking himself out of a temper - or doing much of anything while in one, besides breaking heads and yelling a bunch - and all his good intentions still hadn't made grammar any easier to understand. They hadn't helped with Naoto either.
There was one thing that would cheer him up for certain: sewing club. Put together some gloves. Knit a hat, if it came to it. Problem was, after three months back at school Kanji still hadn't worked up the guts to walk through the door of the Home Economics room. The closest he could get was standing in the corridor outside, staring through the classroom window while two second years tried and failed to sew together a tote bag. Busy swallowing the urge to slam through the door before the idiots jammed the sewing machine, he didn't register the person who'd walked up beside him until they spoke, voice clear and clipped. "Kanji-kun."
He looked down. Naoto stood next to him, her shoulders squared and back straight. The image sent him flashing back to their first meeting, and the way she hadn't bat an eye at talking with a punk who could've taken her down with one swing.
Kanji glared back at the window - then quickly dropped his gaze to the floor before Naoto could ask what he was looking at.
"Seta-san has requested your attendance at a meeting after school," she told him. "At Junes, of course."
"Right. Thanks." Then, because some part of him didn't see the point in acting like an asshole just because she had, he quickly added, "You, uh, gonna show too?"
He chanced a glance up and to the side, just in time to catch Naoto's swift nod. "Yes." She paused. "I hope to see you there."
Then she turned and strode back down the corridor. By the time Kanji had realized the obvious - that they'd be meeting so she could officially join the team - she'd already disappeared up the stairs.
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Never one to break a streak, Kanji spent the last class of the day thinking about dumb detectives instead of learning about volcanoes. Fortunately, the teacher was too distracted by a bout of message-passing at the back of the room to notice him frowning at the wall. Unfortunately, he still got kept behind for ten minutes to collect the other kids' assignments while Yamada-sensei ragged on him for forgetting to bring his own.
Rise was decent enough to wait for him outside the school gates - but not enough to stop herself from yapping about nothing in particular the whole way to Junes. With a skill refined by every pointless class he'd ever sat through, Kanji automatically tuned her out.
Soon as he'd seen Naoto at lunch, he'd decided to act just the same way she had that morning. He'd quickly reconsidered. First, that stuff just didn't come naturally. If Kanji was pissed at somebody, they soon knew it - either because he was yelling the reason at them, or because he'd smacked them through a wall.
Second, the idea had seemed kind of unnecessary. Fine, Naoto hadn't been _nice_, but she'd said more than two words. Big change from the morning.
Said she hoped she'd see him, too.
Which was just a polite, throwaway comment. No point getting caught up in it. Kanji straightened, pushed Naoto's words out of his head, and congratulated himself on his greatest achievement of the day: avoiding explaining why he was staring through the window of the Home Economics classroom. Shit, that would've been awkward. Scratch that, impossible; no way would Naoto understand.
...Then again, maybe she would. Okay, a girl who behaved like a guy and a guy who just happened to like stuff people _thought_ was girly, they weren't the same thing. But kind of close, right?
"Kanji-kun, are you listening?"
Not that he acted like a chick. No way. One hundred percent pure man.
"Right. Of course not. You never do."
Guys could like kittens and cute things and sewing - and if they wanted to keep that to themselves, that was cool too. Man's choice.
"Fine! Walk to Junes by yourself next time!"
When Kanji turned his head, Rise was glaring up at him with a look that could freeze lava. Crap, he'd drifted out too long.
"You're so _mean_," she muttered, arms folded, "I wait for you outside school forever and then you don't even listen to me talk."
"'Course I listen!" Kanji lied.
"Really? So what'd I say about Ichigo-senpai and Ohtani-senpai?"
He blinked. "Uh..."
"Nothing, that's what. I knew you weren't paying attention!" Rise let out a huff of annoyance. "I was gonna tell you I'd figured out what was up with Naoto-kun - but I don't think I'll bother."
Typical Rise, especially when she was pissed off. Kanji grit his teeth and glared at the sidewalk for a full five seconds before finally giving in. "Alright, fine. What is it?"
She smirked. "I'll tell you later."
"C'mon! Why can't y'just say now?"
Rise stuck out her tongue. "Because you're a big meanie," she chirped, then shrugged. "Anyway, it's nothing major. At least, I don't think so."
She probably had it wrong anyway. Rise had a scary knack for knowing everything that was going on with everyone, sometimes before they did - but she wasn't that close to Naoto. Kanji had never even seen them talk, not properly. Not the way he and Naoto had. That thing with the books counted as a real conversation, right?
By the time they arrived at the food court, everyone else was already there - including Naoto, who was wedged between Teddie and Yukiko at the table. She was leaning forward with her hands on her knees, cap tugged down almost far enough to cover her eyes. At least, Kanji thought - and wanted to kick himself for it - she wasn't sitting next to Souji.
"Hey guys!" Rise waved at them all; as usual, lingering on Senpai for just a little too long. "Sorry we're late. Kanji-kun was getting yelled at by Yamada-sensei."
Chie raised her eyebrows. "Again? Isn't that the second time this week?"
"Don't matter," he snapped, stealing a quick glance at Naoto - like she didn't think he was dumb already - and hoping Souj would let the issue slide. He'd already pulled Kanji aside for an Important Talk about working hard in class, back in June; it'd lasted almost an hour and left Kanji wishing he'd just kept skipping school.
Fortunately, Senpai didn't seem to notice. Unfortunately, all his attention was on Naoto. "So," he said, gaze fixed on her, "do you remember what happened before you were taken?"
This had to be for the team's benefit, right? He'd already have asked her all this already during his visits. But Naoto nodded all the same, then took a deep breath. "First, I heard the doorbell ring - but when I opened the front door, I saw no-one there. Just as alarm bells sounded in my mind, someone grabbed me roughly from behind and covered my mouth with a rag."
Something was different, Kanji thought. Not just her attitude, though that'd done a one-eighty since the morning.
"To keep you quiet?" Yukiko asked, brow furrowed.
"Primarily to incapacitate me. I believe it had been soaked in chloroform. Immediately afterward, I was put into a sack and most likely carried on the culprit's shoulder."
Rise's eyes widened. "Wow, how could you remember all that? I don't remember anything that happened to me."
"Well, I wasn't completely unconscious. I'd been expecting a trick along those lines, so I was somewhat prepared," Naoto pointed out, a little more smugly than Kanji would've liked. "And of course, I was desperate to gather as much information as I could."
The voice. That was the change. Clearer, clipped, way deeper - and exactly the same as the first time they'd met.
Teddie grinned and tapped a paw against her back. "No wonder you're an ace detective!"
Though Naoto visibly flinched, Kanji swore he saw her smirk. She seemed in her element; like she'd forgotten everything they talked about, all that stuff about how she'd worried them for nothing. "Dammit, don't encourage her," he muttered, shaking his head.
Naoto snapped toward him, eyes narrowed. "I did what was necessary to further the investigation."
They'd been over this already. No point rehashing old ground. Though his fists balled at his sides on reflex, Kanji kept his voice steady. "It still ain't something to be proud of, alright? You are too damn _calm_ 'bout all this."
"There was never any reason to--"
"What did you notice about the kidnapper?" Senpai asked, cutting Naoto off and the argument with it. He caught Kanji's eye for a moment, then leaned back in his chair.
"Due to their position, I was unable to see their face," Naoto explained. "However, judging by their actions and body type, I would say they're definitely male. I heard no conversations or voices, so I believe our culprit is acting alone."
Yosuke frowned, drumming his fingers against the table. "Huh… seems like a lot of work for one man."
Kanji had been thinking pretty much the same thing. Had one guy seriously been able to overpower him? The chemicals would've knocked him out, but... "How the hell did he carry _me _in a sack?"
Rise poked him in the side. "He probably just rolled you across the floor, Kanji-kun."
"Hey, we've got forklift trucks in the stockroom downstairs," Yosuke added with a smirk.
"Then the kidnapper must work at Junes!" exclaimed Teddie. "I wonder who it is?"
Chie leaned back in her chair and gave Kanji a wide grin. "I wanna know how he even fit you in the sack to start with!"
"He'd need a big one, wouldn't he?" giggled Yukiko, edging closer to another full-on fit.
As the conversation collapsed into dumb jokes, him being the butt of most of them, Kanji realized Naoto hadn't chimed in. Instead, she was staring intently at her can of soda, both hands still on her knees.
Souji, meanwhile, was kneading his knuckles against his forehead so hard he'd probably leave dents. "Guys. We're getting off-topic."
Yosuke's expression immediately turned serious. "Yeah. Sorry, partner." He leaned over the table, resting his elbows on the surface. "Okay, Naoto. What happened after you were in the sack?"
Naoto glanced up. "Ah... well, I'm afraid things get murky. I felt a single impact, which I assume is when I was thrown inside the TV." Her forehead creased slightly. "But the time from kidnapping to that point seemed too short... it was a matter of minutes."
"So you were immediately thrown inside the TV after being kidnapped..." Chie's eyes widened. "Oh! Could there have been a TV on the side of the road?"
Somewhere to his right, Kanji heard Yosuke quietly groan.
"That's… not very likely," Souji muttered, knuckles back at his forehead.
"Yeah. But, Naoto, are you saying the killer just came right up to the door and rang the bell? That's crazy." Yosuke looked at Yukiko, then glanced between Rise and Kanji in turn. "Do you guys remember what happened to you?"
Rise shook her head. "Nope."
"I'm sorry," Yukiko said. "I know I was called out to the garden, but everything after that's a blur."
Kanji couldn't remember much beyond the first knock at the door. After that, it was all his Shadow and that stupid bathhouse. "I got nothing."
"Which makes sense," Naoto said. "Such a bizarre experience, with mental and physical fatigue on top of it... it's only natural to be confused."
"_You _weren't," Rise pointed out, with a mild pout.
"Because I was prepared. Going by the surrounding evidence for your disappearances, they and my own were near identical."
"So y'think the same guy's responsible for all of them?" Made sense, even though Kanji still couldn't figure out how one guy had done it all alone.
Leaning further forward in her chair, Naoto gave a quick nod. "Exactly."
"Which means Mitsuo Kubo wasn't the real killer at all." Souji's hands were both on the table, his fingers twined together. "The police got it wrong."
"Indeed. I believe Kubo's only victim was Mr. Morooka. Simply a copycat killing that mimicked the true culprit's method, or what Kubo knew of it."
Yosuke ran a hand through his hair, then let out a deep sigh. "No wonder King Moron's death broke the pattern in so many ways."
"The question remains, though," added Naoto, "as to how Kubo learned of the television world."
Again, Chie jolted into life; almost out of her chair, too. "Wait, that's it! That's what was bothering me!" She glanced quickly between Naoto and Souji. "Mitsuo, he could enter the TV, right? So why didn't he kill King Moron that way?"
Naoto shrugged. "I believe that even though he could enter the other world, he simply didn't understand it as well as the true culprit. The autopsies for the first two corpses left no clues at all to the cause of death, much less any connection to the television."
"So Kubo didn't know that jumpin' in would get him killed?" Kanji asked, pointedly not mentioning that Naoto sure as hell had.
"Possibly. I believe we also now have an explanation for the bizarre condition of the corpses. The police had assumed the culprit was making a statement in hanging his victims on foggy days - but it may simply be because the victims died on the other side."
"I'd wondered how the killer managed to get the bodies up there without being seen." Souji leaned back in his chair, fingers tapping his chin. "This sounds much simpler."
Naoto nodded. "Occam's Razor. But all this is speculation."
"Yeah, but Kubo could probably tell us. At least, what he knows about the television." Chin propped on one hand, Yosuke grinned again. "Any chance you can get us a police interview?"
Her gaze dropped to her lap. "...Unfortunately, I've been taken off the investigation."
Figured. Back when she'd disappeared, none of the cops the team had spoken with had said anything good about her; most of them hadn't even managed indifference. Kanji still hadn't told Naoto what they'd said and he probably never would - but there was no way she wouldn't have already noticed, right?
Rise sighed, twirling a stray curl of hair around her fingers. "The police wouldn't believe us anyway, not when they still don't want to admit it wasn't Mitsuo. Once you've said something on TV, it's not easy admitting you were wrong."
"I believe the primary cause of my dismissal was because I raised that possiblity to them. The police won't readily concede that they made false charges, particularly if the accused is a juvenile. The overwhelming sentiment within the police force is to end this case with his arrest."
"I remember that policeman saying the same thing," Yukiko said, then turned to Chie. "Back in the shopping district, Chie, you remember."
"Yeah... but would they seriously do that? If it's possible there's another killer?"
Naoto nodded again, this time more grimly. "Obtaining a rapid conviction is paramount."
"Those dickheads... I had a feeling that'd be the case," Kanji hissed. Cops were all the same; always wanted the easy road out. "Not that I trusted 'em in the first place."
As he spoke, Naoto's expression shifted to something Kanji couldn't place. Uncertain, maybe, or at least uncomfortable.
"But, uh, Naoto..." Yosuke had jumped back in, though the grin had vanished. "If you were that calm when it happened to you, couldn't you have, you know...?"
Naoto stared at him blankly. The rest of the team followed suit.
"I'm not saying you should've caught the guy... but isn't it kinda sad for an ace detective to go down that easily...?"
She shifted in her seat, tried to begin a sentence - she did a lot of that, Kanji had noticed - then stopped again, gaze planted back on the table surface. Even standing a meter away, he still saw her draw a deep breath. "To... to tell you the truth, I was really scared." She hesitated. "I-I'm sorry."
It was kind of fitting, Kanji would reflect later down the road, that the first time he ever heard Naoto Shirogane apologize was for not brawling with a serial killer.
The rational part of his mind pointed out that Yosuke never got kidnapped, so he couldn't be totally blamed for being an asshole - and hey, he'd actually made Naoto apologize for something. Meanwhile, the Take-Mikazuchi part insisted that Hanamura needed his stupid face punched _right this instant._
All the other parts just felt terrible. Shit, of course she'd been scared. Who wouldn't have?
But she'd gotten herself in that situation. She'd been _trying_ to get kidnapped. Which, in the end, was as brave a decision as it was stupid. Kanji grit his teeth and looked away, ignoring the loud yelp as Chie elbowed Yosuke in the ribs.
"It can't be helped. None of us could resist the culprit either." Yukiko leaned over and laid a hand on Naoto's shoulder - sparking a second flinch - then shot Yosuke a pointed glance. "Don't forget, Naoto-kun's younger than us, and she's a girl."
Kanji swore he saw Naoto wince.
Yosuke paused, eyebrows raised. "Huh, good point. I keep forgetting when I see her talking like this." He tipped his head and smirked. "Hey, Naoto?"
Naoto lifted her head. "...What is it?"
"You got balls, for a girl."
_Damn right she does_, Kanji almost added - until he noticed Souji's knuckles move back to his forehead and Naoto's cheeks turn slightly pink.
Her fingers gripped the brim of her cap. "R-regardless, I have no doubt that the culprit will continue with his attacks. We can only watch and wait for him to make the next move." The blush faded as she spoke, and her voice turned firm. "But this is no longer a mere assignment for me. I want to know the truth of why we were targeted."
Then she pulled her cap up and looked at each of the group in turn - including Kanji, and he liked to think she looked a little longer - before stopping on Souji-senpai. "Please," she asked, "allow me to join your effort."
Souji didn't answer.
Kanji blinked.
Shit, Senpai wouldn't say no, would he? He never had before. Naoto had proven Kubo wasn't the killer and put herself in harm's way to do it, no matter how stupid the choice had been. Sure, she'd been a pain in the ass - hell, still was - but Kanji had chased his four senpai through the shopping district and been given a second chance. There was no way Souji wouldn't do the same for Naoto.
But he still hadn't answered, and now everyone else at the table was staring at him too - except for Naoto, who kept her gaze fixed on the empty space between him and Chie. Seeing her shoulders stiffen and her expression turn blank, Kanji was hit with the urge to say something, do something; even yell Souji down, if he had to. Instead he watched her lean forward slightly, hands gripping the edge of the table, and look Souji in the eye.
"It... was very rude of me, to, to put pressure on you every time we met, and for that I ask for your forgiveness." Her pitch wavered, like her voice was pulled too tight. "If you allow me to cooperate with you all, I--I vow not to be a burden."
"You ain't gonna be," Kanji snapped, eyes back on Souji.
Rise hopped forward beside him. "C'mon, Senpai, let her join! She's a good detective!"
"Uh... partner..." Yosuke began, sounding higher-pitched and unsettled - though maybe Chie had just elbowed him again.
"Senpai, you gotta--" Fists unclenched, Kanji forced his hands to his sides and tried again. "You're gonna let her help us, right?"
"You _have _to!" Rise insisted. "I wanna see what's going on between her and Kanji-kun."
Kanji glanced wildly from Souji - who'd raised an eyebrow - to Rise - who was smirking - to Naoto - who just looked lost.
"Th-there's nothin'!" he choked out. "There ain't nothing goin' on!"
Shit, double negative. Had to start listening in Composition, Kanji reminded himself, as he tried to fight off the heat rushing to his face. Had to have some serious words with Rise, too.
Souji sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "What I was going to ask is whether Naoto would be staying in Inaba, since she's technically off the case."
"Oh. Yes. I will," Naoto managed, still a little unsteadily.
"Senpai, I totally didn't-- I mean, I didn't think you wouldn't let Naoto-kun join, no way!" Rise's voice was nearly a squeal. "It was all Kanji-kun!"
"What? You were fussing too!"
"Be nice if someone _listened _for once," he heard Souji mutter. When Kanji looked up, he'd started kneading his temples.
"So you're staying at Yasogami High, Naoto-kun?" Yukiko asked.
Naoto gave a firm nod. "My grampa has requested that I continue to attend classes," she explained. "It has been several years since I was in formal education."
"Lucky." Chie let out a quiet sigh, tapping two fingers against her soda can. "No exams, no need to study."
Yosuke snorted. "Like you ever do."
"Oh, that's rich! Who failed two of his classes last semester, huh?"
"Yeah, and you flunked three!"
Though Kanji had never heard him raise his voice, Souji had a knack for shutting arguments down. He'd had practice; things could get fraught on long runs through the TV world. Unfortunately, his skill didn't cover the kind of casual bickering Chie and Yosuke kept up as daily conversation.
(Rise had this theory she'd shared once. Something about the two of them fighting being like little boys picking up insects and throwing them at little girls. Kanji, who still couldn't imagine why anyone would want to start throwing bugs around, hadn't really understood.)
Souji shot them a quick glare. "Give it a break, you two," he warned - then stood up and leaned across the table to shake Naoto's hand. "Good to have you aboard, Naoto-kun."
At that, Naoto actually _smiled_.
Wasn't much of a smile, granted. Like she was trying not to but it just broke through. She choked it back a moment later - but she couldn't hide the change in her voice. "Thank you very much. I'll do my best."
Naoto-the-girl was still a new concept, but Kanji figured he was dealing pretty well. He'd even quit blaming himself for being fooled, instead switching to blaming Naoto instead. Wasn't like anybody else had figured out she wasn't a guy, right?
Listening to her now, Kanji couldn't understand how he'd ever missed it.
Teddie hadn't said much so far, but now he stepped forward and nudged a paw against Naoto's hat. Hand instantly back on the brim, she swung round to meet him. "Excuse me? Do you need something?"
"No. I _have_ something." He beamed, round chest puffed out even more than usual. "Since I'm the King of the Geniuses, I knew it would work out this way!"
As usual, Yosuke's quarrel with Chie had quickly run out of steam. "Like the rest of us didn't," he muttered, and rolled his eyes.
"Ta-da! Nao-chan's glasses!" Teddie twirled the glasses in one paw, though Kanji couldn't tell where he'd pulled them from and wasn't sure he wanted to know. "Yosuke's just jealous because they're nicer than his." He leaned closer to Naoto, voice a stage-whisper. "I wasn't very good at making them back then. They came out really stupid-looking."
Fingering his shirt pocket, Yosuke shot Teddie a glare. "Shut up, my glasses look great."
Naoto had leaned back from Teddie as far as he'd leaned towards her, but she still took the glasses. "Ah... thank you."
"What's wrong, Nao-chan?" His brows angled with worry. "Don't you like them?"
"No, they're fine. I, I'm very grateful." Pulling herself upright in her seat, Naoto then turned to face him. "The others told me about you, Teddie. I can sympathize with your drive to find yourself. If I may help in any way, let me know."
Teddie grinned again. "Wow, what a nice girl! You should give lessons to Yosuke."
Kanji blinked. "...In being a nice girl?"
"Just the nice part," Teddie chirped. "You too, Kanji. If you learn well and you're bear-y good, I _might _even let you pet my fur."
Once. He'd asked that _once_ - and it wasn't like anyone would blame him, right? Cats were furry too, and people liked to pet them. Nothing wrong with that. Hell, the fox was always cool with it.
But sometimes, even when you were totally, one-hundred-percent right, denial was the only way to go. "Shut up, idiot!"
"Don't deny your desperation!" Teddie shook his head, wagging a paw in place of a finger. "You did ask, remember?"
Rise sighed, arms folded. "Wow, Kanji-kun, that's really creepy."
"...I think we're done." Souji placed both palms on the table and pushed himself upright. "I promised to hang out with Nanako this evening." He looked at each of the team in turn. "Remember, our culprit's still out there. Stay alert, okay? Don't do anything reckless."
Senpai looked beat. Had done since they pulled Naoto out. Maybe because he had to juggle school and the case, maybe because they were back where they started, maybe because he was just tired of being the boss; Kanji wasn't close enough to him to know. He'd definitely been acting off today.
Gradually, everyone filtered away toward the food court gate. Chie was chatting with Yukiko, Yosuke was batting at Teddie as the bear tried to grab his arm, and Rise was making a move for Senpai - until he beckoned to Naoto and took her aside.
Probably talking about the case, Kanji told himself.
It came and went in a flash, so quick he might've missed it for blinking - but as she watched them step closer together, Rise looked severely rattled.
When she turned to him a moment later, the smile was back. "So, Kanji-kun, what now?"
His mind preoccupied - mostly with trying to learn to lip-read on the spot - Kanji didn't follow. "Uh?"
"Naoto's gonna be around _all the time_." If she'd been taller, Rise might've blocked his view of Souji-senpai standing way too close to Naoto. Instead, she hopped on the spot twice before resorting to poking him in the ribs. "Are you gonna fess up?"
Kanji paused.
No. He wasn't.
The crush hadn't gone away. Spending more time around Naoto might cure it, but Kanji doubted that. If your mind had been spinning on the same person for months and they could still knock the breath out of you with one look - and if you already _knew_ they could be an asshole sometimes yet found a dozen stupid ways to push that aside - seeing them more often wouldn't fix it. Total opposite.
But whatever he had going on, whatever he felt or thought, he didn't have a name for it - and without that, there was nothing to tell. And Naoto had caused him too many problems he still hadn't figured out, most of which had nothing to do with her being a guy or a girl. Kanji had spent hours since her rescue turning that part over in his head and reached two conclusions: that he didn't want to think about it, and that it might not even matter.
He wasn't sure what did. The fact that she'd lied and the way she'd treated him, they both hurt, but what else was tangled up in there?
_
Who the hell knows_, Kanji thought bitterly. This wasn't stuff he was capable of handling.
"I can't," he said quietly, watching Souji finally move away from Naoto and toward the gate. "Don't you say anything either, yeah?"
"C'mon, like I ever would." Rise shook her head. "This one's down to you, Kanji-kun. You know that."
Kanji nodded absently. Naoto still hadn't left; instead, she was leaning against the low wall that surrounded the food court.
"You're not even gonna ask her, are you?"
He frowned. "Ask what?"
Rise let out a low, frustrated sigh - then turned toward Naoto and waved. "Hey, Naoto-kun, wait up!" she called, before bounding over to the wall and shoving Kanji forward on her way.
Naoto gave a brief, stiff nod. "Rise-san. Kanji-kun."
"You were kinda down at school," Rise said, mouth curved in her usual, easy smile. "Something up?"
"No," Naoto quickly answered, looking away. "I'm glad to join your group."
"Us too," Kanji blurted out - glad he'd at least remembered the 'us'.
"It's tough being away for a while, huh?" Rise said lightly, not making it sound like a question. "Things always change when you get back."
Naoto stared at her. "I--well, yes. They do."
"Hey, wanna walk with us? You catch the bus home down by the gas station, right?"
"Um... I have to--"
Around Rise, hesitation was fatal. Her arm quickly latched onto Naoto's, locking them together. "Great! Kanji-kun's lousy company, never talks."
Soon as Rise grabbed her, Naoto's expression leapt from uncomfortable to flustered. "I-I doubt that I'll be--"
Rise stopped just before the gate; Kanji doubted it had much to do with Naoto's flailing. "Ooh, I gotta go use the restroom." She grinned at Naoto. "Want to come with?"
Naoto, who'd been trying to tug her arm back, instantly froze. "Why would I--"
"Girls _do_ that," Rise pointed out, face deadly serious - then winked. "I'm kidding, Naoto-kun."
"I-I don't see why it would be neces--"
Rise clapped her hands together, releasing Naoto's arm in the process. "Never mind, new plan! You wait here with Kanji-kun. Don't leave without me, okay?"
Great. Another setup. Kanji began a response that was really just kind of a growl - but Rise was already at the entrance to the store, and still running. With a quick wave, she disappeared inside.
Naoto opened her mouth, closed it - then turned to Kanji, looking slightly helpless.
"She's like that all the time," he offered.
Jaw set tight, Naoto shook her head. "I couldn't even finish a sentence."
"Yeah." He hesitated, biting his lip. Naoto, meanwhile, just kept staring at the door.
An uncomfortable silence fell.
Dammit, he could do this. Conversations weren't _that _hard. Just come up with something nice, right?
Kanji swallowed. "Hey... you, uh, you remembered a lot about getting kidnapped. Gotta give you some kudos for that. You explained stuff really good. "
"Really well." Naoto still wasn't looking at him. "Not 'really good'. And I'm a detective. I was prepared."
Maybe he should screw up his grammar more often; it filled the awkward gaps in conversation. Kanji shook his head. "But you were scared, you said so."
For a moment, Naoto looked like she was about to object - and fiercely - but then she stopped, and let out a deep breath. "Yes. I did, and, and I was. A moment of weakness - but there's no point in denying it."
"You got guts, man," Kanji said - then added, just in case she'd forgotten, "but it was still a dumb thing to do, 'course."
"Everyone has made that _quite _clear," she muttered, tugging at her cap.
"Senpai, he's… y'know, he'd never have banned you from joining." Kanji didn't mention that he'd have kicked Souji's ass if he had, leader or not.
"I know. He informed me of his conditions this morning. Once I agreed to abide by them, he said my assistance would be welcomed."
"Oh. Right." He winced. Dammit, he'd totally jumped the gun. "Sorry. You just--you, you looked worried, y'know?"
Naoto hesitated. One hand moved to grab her opposite shoulder. "My concern was that perhaps someone on the team had... objected to my presence." She turned her head, eyes finally meeting his. "That Seta-san might have changed his mind accordingly."
"No way! Who'd--there ain't anyone who'd do that, Naoto, that'd be nuts."
"Ah." Her gaze shifted again, settling on a point somewhere near his left elbow. "Well, they wouldn't be at fault."
"Yeah they would," Kanji insisted, with as much force as he could manage without thumping his fist on something. "And, and don't listen to Rise, okay? Gets all these weird ideas." Wasn't like Naoto would've taken it seriously anyway, right? Not from dumb Kanji-kun. Kid hadn't even looked embarrassed.
Naoto nodded. "I expect so." Then she straightened, hands clasped behind her back, and looked up at him. "Well, Kanji-kun, I'm looking forward to working with you."
"Uh…" _Say something, Tatsumi!_ "Uh…yeah. Me too. T-to working with you, I mean. Not with me. So, yeah!"
"Good." A small, almost-smile playing over her lips, Naoto held out her hand. Kanji grabbed it - a little harder than he intended, and he swore she winced, but he managed a firm handshake. Decently manly, without yanking her off the ground. She looked a little impressed, maybe; he liked to think so.
He gestured towards the nearest table. "Rise. She's gonna be a while. You, uh, you wanna sit down again?"
Naoto paused - then looked up at him, and nodded a second time. "Certainly."
**
* * *
**
Rise really had taken forever. Kanji couldn't understand what the hell girls did in bathrooms that took so long, besides the obvious, or why they'd want to hang out in places that never looked clean. Hungry and bored, he'd gone inside the store and picked up some animal crackers. To his surprise - and in a way that was kind of awkward but kind of nice - Naoto had followed.
When Rise finally had showed, the three of them had walked the short distance back to the district. Kanji had considered offering to walk Naoto to the bus-stop, but figured she might take it the wrong way (though he had made sure to watch her go, until she'd moved too far away for him to see.)
When he walked through the door of the textiles shop, Ma was already closing up. "My, Kanji-chan, you look cheerful."
Quickly forcing a scowl, Kanji dumped his Junes bag on the counter and grabbed the broom. "I ain't!"
"Of course not," Ma agreed. "You were out late again, dear. Were you spending time with friends?"
"Not your business," he muttered. The broom smacked into the counter on the next sweep. "Just had stuff to do."
"Oh, sorry, dear. I just saw you walking up here with Kujikawa-chan and that nice detective boy." She hummed thoughtfully, while Kanji made a mental note to explain to her that 'nice detective boy' only covered two out of three. "You know, after I saw him on that television show, I remembered I'd met him before. He dropped by back in May asking to see you. Twice."
"Twice?" Yukiko-senpai had said Naoto had helped find him. Made sense she would've come by once after he disappeared, since they'd already hung out together and she'd been working on the case. But why the second time?
"The first time, he left very quickly," Ma continued. "Amagi-chan showed up with some friends... I think that boy from Junes was with them. I'm surprised her mother hasn't complained about that friendship," she added, eyebrows raised.
Kanji shrugged. "Ain't Hanamura's fault his dad runs the place."
"No, of course not. Quite a pleasant young man, really." Ma waved a hand toward the bag on the counter. "And if it hadn't been Junes, another store would have moved in. Times change."
Ma had never had a big problem with Junes. Said it was convenient, especially for feeding a son who could eat his own weight each day. She didn't like the clothes, but Kanji didn't see how anybody ever could.
Unfortunately, most of Inaba did. The textiles shop still did a good trade, but...
He paused mid-sweep. "Do... d'you think our shop'll still be here ten years from now?"
"Oh, I'm almost certain," she said lightly, then smiled. "If nothing else, the inn will still be in business and Amagi-san... well, she isn't terribly fond of Junes. They don't really cater to tradition. Her daughter will be your best customer, Kanji-chan."
"Right. S'good." Kanji stared at the floor. Damn footprints. "Uh, so... what about the second time? That, that Naoto showed up. The detective kid."
"Hmm? Oh, yes, he came back the following day." Ma gave him one of her _looks_, the ones that always made Kanji feel like he'd screwed up. "I remember you hadn't come home the night before. I told him this had happened in the past, but he still seemed quite concerned."
Kanji's stomach flipped. Must've eaten too many crackers on the way home. He'd been trying to explain the penguin thing to Naoto, but Rise had kept interrupting.
"He never did explain why he wanted to see you, though," Ma said, brow furrowed. "You weren't in trouble again, were you?"
"No way! Ma, I told you, the cops just got it in for me. Not Naoto, those other guys," he quickly added.
"I know, dear. Brawling with biker gangs does tend to cause some upset." She nodded toward the broom. "Be careful not to wear holes in the floor, Kanji-chan. You've swept that spot five times now."
Kanji grunted. "Just makin' sure," he mumbled.
17. Chapter 14
_A/N: Story so far: Naoto finally joined the team, which proved a mixed blessing for Kanji.
_
_In this part: Souji's a show-off, Naoto's one disappointed Persona-user, and Rise breaks Kanji's brain. Spoilers through October.
_
_(Delayed again - don't catch the flu, it wreaks havoc with writing)
_
* * *
**October 7****th**** 2011**
Man, this was a disappointment.
No fancy tests, no gizmos - just a bunch of questions and frowns from a harried, grey-haired doctor who didn't seem to understand why a teenage punk was sprawled on a chair in his examining room. Couldn't really blame him, since Kanji didn't get it either. If jumping in the television was hurting them, they'd have noticed by now, right? They'd have each grown that extra head or tail or whatever terrible thing Naoto thought calling a Persona could cause.
He hadn't known her all that long, but Kanji had already decided that Naoto thought way too much. Which left him stuck hanging around in a corridor in his least favorite place in Inaba. Fine, so this was just the day-clinic rather than the main hospital building - but the bathhouse still might've more comfortable. If Naoto and Teddie didn't show in the next five minutes, he'd ask Souji if he could clear out.
Might piss Naoto off, though. She'd bothered to organize these dumb examinations. Trying to decide what to do, Kanji glanced down the corridor toward the exit, where Rise was chatting with Souji-senpai (probably the only reason she wasn't bugging him instead) and Chie and Yukiko were whispering and giggling together nearby - or more precisely, giggling while looking at Yosuke, who was leaning against the wall opposite Kanji.
When Kanji glanced over and caught his eye, he shrugged. "Yeah, I know," he muttered. His mouth curled into a smirk. "Guess I'm irresistible, right?"
"Asking the wrong guy." Kanji shot back with a scowl. "Don't start this crap again." All this stuff with Naoto had sent his tolerance for snide comments into a nosedive. Hell, he'd thrown Yosuke against a wall last week over some throwaway remark that, back in September, he probably could've swallowed.
All he needed to do was get over her. Trouble was, he'd been trying to do that for six months. Five of which she'd been a guy.
"Fine, fine." Yosuke raised his hands defensively. "So, is it me, or were those examinations a total waste of time?"
Kanji shrugged. "I dunno. Maybe. Seemed like a regular check-up. I was kinda looking forward to getting into some gigantic machine and being spun around." He'd seen that in old sci-fi movies. Stick the spaceman inside some high-tech-whatever to figure out if the aliens had gotten him. Probably why Naoto and Teddie still weren't back. She must've made the doctors pull out the big guns.
Yosuke shook his head. "Had this stuck in my head all day, too. I'm lucky I didn't drop dead of stress by lunch. And if I had, Naoto would've been one-hundred percent responsible."
Kanji blinked. "What, you were worried?"
"Hey, you weren't there! It-it was the way she said it! Like we were--ugh, I should've known better. The only 'side effect' is getting our asses kicked by Shadows."
"Your ass, y'mean," replied Kanji with a quick grin. "_You're_ the bleeder."
"Dude, that's--" The rest broke off into a annoyed sigh. Yosuke folded his arms, one heel tapping against the wall behind him. "Ah, you know what, you're right. Guess somebody has take them for the team. Maybe Naoto-kun'll split the work with me."
Kanji had spent most of the previous night imagining what it'd be like fighting alongside Naoto. Most of it had revolved around how to look good in front of her (or at least not stupid) and avoid falling flat on his face. The second tied into the first and happened way more than he liked, because once you started swinging a desk round your head, the desk soon started swinging you. Same went for big sheets of metal. Momentum, Souji called it, though Kanji preferred 'being a klutz' as the more honest term.
What he hadn't considered was the idea that she might get hurt. Or rather, definitely would. They all did sometimes - and then Yukiko or Teddie or Souji healed them up and it was all fine. No worries.
"Maybe she ain't a fighter," he said, trying to ignore the cold, heavy feeling in his stomach.
"We'll find out soon, I guess. Souji said we'll go in this weekend, show her the ropes." Yosuke glanced back down the corridor toward the examination rooms. "Oh, hey, there's her and Ted."
Naoto and Teddie were heading toward them - and while Teddie wore a smile that grew even brighter when he saw the rest of the team, Naoto was looking away, head held a little lower than usual.
Rise was the first to speak. Or yell. "About time, Naoto-kun!" Kanji didn't point out that she'd been so busy making moon-eyes at Souji she wouldn't have noticed if she'd been standing there till midnight.
"We're bear-y sorry for the wait," Teddie said earnestly. Naoto just gave a distracted nod.
"So, did they find out anything about Teddie?" Yukiko asked.
Naoto gave another nod. This one was even less enthusiastic. "They did. They found out that they can't tell anything about him. I even had them take multiple X-rays, but each time the image was too blurry to read." She glanced sideways at Teddie, who was playing with the frilled collar of his shirt.
Souji frowned. "Weird. Was it the machine?"
"I doubt it. A standard examination indicated he seems perfectly normal. They suggested we try another hospital if we're still concerned," she added, in a terse but apologetic tone. "I feel bad for making them go through all this."
Teddie threw a hand to his forehead, leaving the other still at his collar. "And after they took a look at everything inside me!"
"She just said they couldn't see anything on the X-Ray, you dork!" Chie rolled her eyes; Kanji wondered whether she'd learned it from Yosuke. "After all that, we still know as much about you as we do our Personas and the Shadows."
"Oh yeah, I looked them up on the net," Yosuke said. "Persona means something like, another personality. And I think "Shadow" was listed under the related terms."
"Naturally," Naoto answered listlessly. "'Persona' and 'Shadow' are common psychological terms."
The way she said it left Kanji feeling a little stupid, and he hadn't been the one who brought the topic up. Yosuke took it worse. "I tried, okay? There's not exactly a lot out there."
"I'm pretty sure we won't find anything on a mainstream site," Souji cut in. "Not about the type of Personas and Shadows we're familiar with. Teddie, any ideas?"
Teddie shrugged. "Shadows are Shadows. They come out of people, I think."
"But that's just the ones that look like us," Rise said, twirling a loose strand of hair round her fingers. "When I scanned those, they felt--human, I guess. The others don't."
"Um, I can't really explain..."
Naoto glanced over her shoulder. They hadn't been speaking loudly, but she still lowered her voice. "I conducted my own research after the incident. An unofficial project document that I happened to come across stated that a Shadow is suppressed power--"
"Happened to come across?" Souji interrupted.
"--and when controlled by one's ego, it becomes a Persona." She glanced at him then quickly looked away. "And yes, I came across it."
Souji didn't look satisfied. Kanji, who understood that sometimes the needs justified the means - that sometimes, you just had to wade in and smack some bikers around - quickly jumped in. "But don't that mean they're basically the same thing?"
Naoto nodded. "Potentially."
"Huh. Sounds weird. Then again, the Shadows we beat the shit out of did turn into Personas."
"Like Rise-chan said, only the ones that looked like us," Yukiko pointed out. "What about the regular Shadows?"
Good point. They'd have more Personas running around inside the TV than they could count. Maybe that was where Souji's came from?
Kanji shook his head. "Ahh, who cares about the details! Doesn't matter what they are. If they get in our way, I'll crush 'em," he added, punching his fist against his other palm as demonstration.
When he dared to glance at Naoto, she was smiling. Kind of. Half-smiling, maybe. Looking closely, it might've been exasperation - but Kanji decided to roll with his first, happier theory. "Nonetheless," she said, "I couldn't find any information on how they're related to the other world."
Rise sighed. "Guys, we've been doing this for months - and there's still so much stuff about us that we don't have a clue about."
The mood sank.
"However!" Teddie said, beaming and jabbing a finger upward for emphasis. "There are some things we _do_ know about each other, thanks to me. I got a bunch of awesome data."
Everyone stared at him, all equally confused. With Teddie, this wasn't unusual.
"Data?" Naoto repeated blankly. "But I didn't--"
"See, it's kinda embarrassing that I'm the only one who had personal details shown to the world, so..." He dipped his hand inside his collar, and pulled out a bundle of papers with a flourish. Papers that looked a lot like the forms the doctor had scribbled on when he hadn't been frowning at Kanji. "Tadaaa! Nowadays, information wants to be free!"
Souji's eyes widened. "Wait, are those--"
Teddie gave a wide, triumphant grin. "Therefore, I'll break the ice by announcing the results of everyone's physical exams!"
"What? No you won't! Give 'em to me, now!" Chie made a desperate grab for his waist, in what would've been an amazing tackle if he hadn't darted sideways behind a bewildered Naoto. Instead, she landed in a diagonal sprawl on the corridor floor.
Naoto swiveled round. "Wh-when did you take those? Those are confiden--"
"Ooh, first place in the 'shortest legs division' is..." Now hiding behind Rise, Teddie blinked at the paper and raised his eyebrows. "Huh, who woulda guessed?
Kanji could imagine only a few things in life ever being worth genuine panic, and leg length wasn't one of them. Yosuke, whose eyes were as wide as plates, apparently disagreed. "Wait, it…it's not me, is it?!"
And people said _he _had a complex.
...Okay, maybe he did - but at least it was about something important.
"Why would they examine that?" Souji asked, frowning. "Teddie, are you making this--"
"Stop talking and grab him!" Chie demanded, now back on her feet.
Yosuke ignored her, instead pointing at the papers in Teddie's hand. "Look, if you're gonna blab it all, you might as well tell us the girls' measurements!"
_Dude. _
Ma handled all the fitting sessions at the shop. She'd had Kanji help her with a few of the guys, to show him the ropes for when he took over - but never, ever the women. The closest he'd come was tailoring the occasional dress. Taking stuff in, letting it out, whatever. Hadn't even known the customers' names. And that was just fine, because bumping into at a girl in the street and knowing her exact measurements would be the most awkward thing ever.
Except if that girl was one of the three he saw every day. That would definitely be more awkward. It verged on horrifying.
He glanced sideways at Souji, who gave a helpless shrug.
"What?" Midway through another lunge for Teddie, Chie stopped short and pivoted toward Yosuke instead. "Are you a complete and utter moron!?"
Naoto coughed loudly. "N-none of this is approp--"
"It's human curiosity!" Palms raised, Yosuke stepped back and turned to Souji. "C'mon, partner, back me up here. Don't pretend you don't want to know!"
"I want nothing to do with this," Souji said quickly.
"I do," Teddie chimed in.
"Fine, be a coward! Kanji, you're a real man, right?"
Kanji's mouth bypassed his brain completely. "'Course I am!" he snapped - then, faced with Chie's murderous glare, hastily backtracked. "But I, I don't--I ain't interested in--"
Not for the first time, Rise came to his rescue. Completely accidentally, as usual, but Kanji wasn't about to argue. "I don't mind," she said, smile focused on Souji. "My profile's been public knowledge for ages." She paused, then made an offhand gesture towards her chest. "Oh, but my bust size is 2cm smaller than they print. My agency insisted."
For a moment, Yosuke just stared at her - then burst into a grin that somehow mixed pride with sheer panic. "See? _Somebody's_ being reasonable!"
As Souji held a fuming Chie back by her wrists, Yukiko - who'd been staring blankly at Teddie for the past minute - jolted back into motion. "No! D-don't say mine!"
"Aw, I bet guys won't care what size you are, Yukiko-senpai!" Rise nodded knowingly. "And having modestly-sized breasts like yours would definitely make it easier to wear a kimono."
Yukiko looked like she wanted to answer, but only managed to turn pink and make choking sounds. Kanji was wondering whether he should grab her wrists too, when Rise snatched the papers from Teddie's hand and began flicking through them. "Oh yeah, Naoto-kun's is in here too!"
Wait.
Kanji's brain - which had been busy trying not to think about anyone's bust size, female or otherwise - instantly slammed to a halt.
Naoto froze. "Wh--"
"Umm, let's see... Naoto-kun's is..." Rise frowned at the paper for an eternity - blinked twice - then snapped her head up with a wide-eyed stare. "Wait, is this... is this for real? Isn't this measured wrong?"
Somewhere in the distance, Naoto made a strangled noise.
Measured wrong.
Measured too-big wrong? Maybe Rise thought Naoto was --no, no, she wouldn't, there was nothing there usually. Nobody would've ever thought Naoto was a guy if she'd been walking around with--
_Stop thinking __**right now**_, Kanji ordered himself. He resolved to keep an eye on Naoto instead, who looked like she couldn't decide whether to kick Rise in the head or pass out.
…Naoto, whose measurements weren't too-big wrong. Which left too-small. Which meant the numbers were bigger than Rise'd expected. Which meant--
He quickly jerked back his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. Staring at the ceiling and half-hoping it'd fall in, he didn't see exactly what Naoto did to Rise. He just heard the shriek.
When he felt safe lowering his head again, Naoto was standing two feet back from everyone else, breathing hard, with her hands clenched tight around the papers. The knuckles on both were white.
She took one step back, then another. "Th-the important thing is that according to the examination results, nothing's wrong with our health! So we won't be needing these anymore!" Three meters away, Kanji swore he could _see_ her swallow hard. "I-I'm going to go shred them."
With that, the entire team watched her sprint down the corridor, papers still clasped tight in her hand.
Nobody spoke.
"Well, thank goodness everyone's healthy!" Yosuke finally said, smiling with all the conviction of a store mannequin and already edging towards the exit.
"You're right!" Chie had escaped Souji at some point and latched onto Yukiko instead. "Let's go home! C'mon, Yukiko."
As Chie dragged her toward the exit, Yukiko shot an icy glare at Rise. "_M__odestly-sized_," she hissed.
Souji, meanwhile, grabbed hold of Teddie's collar, muttered something about a Very Important Talk, and pulled him down a side corridor.
Rise sighed quietly, then looked up at Kanji. "Girls are so weird sometimes," she said with a shrug. "Let's head out, Kanji-kun. I wanna catch up with Senpai once he's finished yelling at Teddie."
"I gotta… we, uh, oughta wait for Naoto, right?" Yeah. That was right. Shouldn't leave her behind. "I-I'm gonna go get her."
Rise rolled her eyes. "She'll have shredded them already, y'know."
"That ain't why I'm going!"
"Suuuure it isn't. Well, I'll see you later, Senpai's waiting!"
Kanji watched her skip off in the same direction as Souji had dragged Teddie, then turned back toward the examination rooms. He definitely couldn't leave Naoto behind.
Her Shadow had been nuts, same as everyone else's. Rationally, Kanji knew feeling bad for any of them was a waste of time. But when Naoto's had started crying about being alone, just stood there sobbing into its lab-coat, something had gotten scrunched up inside him - and weeks later, he still hadn't untangled it.
So Naoto wasn't exactly who he'd thought. She was a lot of things, some of which he just admired, others that he wanted to be - but not everything he'd made her into. Not unflappable, not perfect, not untouchable.
Maybe that was just fine.
As he jogged down the corridor after her, it occurred to Kanji that 'not a guy' hadn't made the list. Busy wondering what that meant, if anything, he didn't notice a door opening on his left - until he almost slammed into Naoto as she stormed through it. She yelped and whipped around, wide-eyed.
The papers weren't in her hand.
Caught between relief and disappointment - not that he actually wanted to know, _no way_ - Kanji settled for blankness. "Uh," he managed.
"What?" Naoto shot back, cheeks still flushed.
"You, uh, shredded 'em, right?"
"Yes." Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Why?"
"Just askin'! Didn't want to see them!"
"Good. Because _nobody ever will_."
"Rise did," Kanji blurted.
Naoto opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again for good measure. Kanji couldn't make out exactly what she mumbled next, but the words 'arrest' and 'mandatory holding period' were definitely in there.
"But she'll never tell anyone," he lied. "Ever."
"The word 'discretion' is not in Rise-san's vocabulary," Naoto muttered darkly.
It was, however, in Kanji's. Impressed with himself - this was Naoto, she probably never met a big word she didn't like - he couldn't help grinning. Who needed dictionaries?
Then he noticed her glaring at him again.
"This isn't amusing in the _slightest_," she snapped. "A perfectly sensible idea, ruined by--" She stopped, tensed her jaw, then ran her hand over her mouth.
Panicked, Kanji scrambled for a change of subject. "So, uh, guess they know you're… you know. The doctors."
Naoto dropped her hand and gave him a suspicious look.
Shit, why'd he pick that topic? He swallowed, watching her face carefully. "...You dressing as a guy. Do, do the cops know?"
"I.... I haven't been back to the station. But without evidence, any rumors would be mere conjecture." Naoto was wearing the same guarded expression he'd seen on his first visit to her apartment. She chewed on her lip for a moment before continuing. "I would prefer they remain so."
"You don't need to worry." Kanji gave a confident nod. "The doctors can't tell anyone. They got the Hypocritic Oath."
"Hippocratic. But you're right." She lifted her head and met his gaze. "We should leave. I believe we've caused the staff here enough trouble."
He nodded. They walked side-by-side down the corridor, Kanji carefully shortening his strides to keep pace.
**
* * *
**
"I saw the _numbers_, Kanji-kun," Rise trilled. "Don't you want to know?"
"No," Kanji lied, wondering if it was becoming a habit.
After she'd finished bothering Souji, Rise had wandered back to join him and Naoto. The three of them had walked as far as the nearest bus-stop in near-silence, mostly because Rise - who usually kept the conversation going single-handed - had been busy stealing glances at Naoto's chest. Kanji, meanwhile, had been trying to do exactly the opposite. He almost felt thankful when Naoto split off from the group. Or would've, if Rise hadn't instantly found her voice again and decided to use it to torment him.
"Yeah you do. You're gonna be lying awake thinking about it _all night_," she insisted, tilting her head and gazing dreamily at the sky. "What does Naoto-kun, the charming not-quite-boy-detective, really look like under--"
Kanji slapped his hands over his ears. "Dammit, stop talking!"
He had his night planned. Go home. Start sewing. Didn't matter what. Smack his head against the wall if he even started to think about Naoto and what her mystery measurements might be. He had a tailor's eye, though, couldn't help that - and though she was slim he'd still noticed that her clothes seemed to curve in at some places and out at others. Like at her hips, which were--
With an act of supreme will, Kanji swallowed the urge to punch himself in the head.
"Aw, c'mon," whined Rise. "Aren't you _curious_?"
Maybe. Maybe not. It was still weird and awkward, but with Naoto going out of her way to hide herself, who would blame him for wondering? But two things kept Kanji from asking more: not wanting to upset her, and being pretty certain she'd try to choke him with her hat if she ever found out. "Shut up. Don't care. None of my business."
"Ooh, you're such a gentleman!" Rise giggled, and clapped her hands together. "Naoto-kun's gonna love that. I'll tell her all about chivalrous Kanji-kun and how he isn't interested at all in her girlish figure."
Kanji scowled. "Y'know, sometimes you scare the shit outta me."
"Hey, it's not _my_ fault Teddie stole the papers. Though I think it cheered him up."
"Bear's a pervert."
Rise waved a hand dismissively. "Oh, like every guy in the room wasn't thinking the same. At least Teddie's honest!"
"_I _wasn't thinkin' that!" Total, complete, one-hundred-percent opposite. At least until Naoto started kicking up a fuss.
"Whatever. I'm just glad he's okay, as far as they can tell," Rise said, then winced. "Though he might not be if Chie-senpai or Naoto-kun get hold of him."
"They better not do anything real bad," Kanji said. "Can't get in and out the TV without him."
Rise nodded. "Plus he's the only one who knows anything about how the TV world works, even if it's not much. We need to learn more about that place if we're gonna find the real killer."
Kanji shrugged. "Asshole might be a Shadow too, for all we know." Was that possible? Could a Shadow even escape the TV?
"Maybe. I dunno, Kanji-kun, I'm trying to follow this stuff but some of it is _way_ over my head." Rise tried to brush away the loose strands of hair blowing around her face, before giving up and pulling her coat around herself against the wind. Moments later, Kanji felt her elbow nudge against his. "So, you sure you don't wanna know?"
"Know wha-- dammit, I already said no!"
"Fine, fine." She sighed dramatically and followed it up by pouting at her feet. "I won't talk about it _ever again_."
Which was fine by him, Kanji thought, as they walked through the park in silence.
Felt kinda cold for October. The rain had eased off but the wind was still nipping at his cheeks, and even with her thick jacket, Rise was shivering slightly next to him. Naoto was probably cold too. Should've given her his coat. Wasn't like she could slap him _that_ hard. Though she could probably have him arres--
"But you can't blame me for being curious," Rise protested, cutting across his thoughts. "Because whatever she uses, _boy_, she hides them well."
Kanji slapped his hands firmly back over his ears, and wished he had something to smack his head against.
**
* * *
**
**October 8****th****, 2011**
"So… I should just climb in?"
Souji nodded. "Easy, right?"
Naoto pressed a hand against the screen, jerking back when her fingers passed through. She turned and gestured around the store. "Here? With all these customers?"
Souji nodded again. "Exactly."
Originally, the plan had been to jump in, head back to Naoto's lab and have a few practice battles - but since Yukiko was busy at the inn and Chie's parents were forcing her to stay home and study, Souji had switched tracks. This afternoon they'd just go inside and let Naoto call her Persona. Rise would take a look, have Himiko scan it, and then they'd hop right back out again. No fighting.
Kanji was more relieved than he should've been.
"It's amazing you haven't been spotted," Naoto mused. She turned to Yosuke. "I assume you analyzed customer traffic before planning your excursions?"
"Er... not exactly." Yosuke managed a sheepish smile. "It's Inaba. Kinda hard to sell huge TVs here."
Frowning, Naoto opened her mouth to respond - then gasped as Souji put one arm and leg through the screen. He smiled at her as he waved the arm in and out of view. "See? Nothing bad happens."
_Showoff_, Kanji thought.
"I didn't think it would," Naoto protested, glancing around the shop floor again. "But, Senpai, there are customers present and--"
"Hey, Senpai, wait up!"
Whether it was something idols got taught or just a natural talent, Rise had an amazing knack for making her presence known to everyone in a fifty-meter radius. Over the top of the shelving racks, Kanji saw each customer turn to stare at her as she jogged toward the television section.
Souji blinked, glanced out over the store, looked back at his arm and leg - then jumped through the screen, just as Rise skidded to a halt beside them.
"Oops. Sorry," she whispered, with an apologetic wince. "But why was Senpai hanging halfway inside the TV?"
"To show off in front of Naoto-kun," Yosuke said cheerfully.
Rise frowned in Naoto's direction. Naoto, in turn, turned slightly pink. "Wh-why would he--"
Not bothering to wait for the rest, Rise shoved straight past Kanji - muttering a string of unrepeatable things about Senpai as she did - and leapt inside the television.
When he glanced up at Naoto, she'd gone back to frowning at the screen. She looked more uncomfortable than ever, and when Yosuke clapped his hand over her shoulder she jolted away.
"Don't sweat it, Naoto," he told her, with a quick wink at Kanji. "You've got a buddy here to help you out."
Before Kanji could splutter out a denial, Yosuke vanished through the screen - leaving only the two of them still standing in Junes.
Moments passed.
"So... you gonna jump in?" he finally asked Naoto, deliberately not looking at her. There was no response.
Whatever. Anyone could stick their arm through the screen and wave it around. Didn't take nothing special, and no way would it impress somebody like Naoto. Unfortunately, Kanji was at a loss for anything he could do that would.
Naoto's voice cut through the quiet background noise of the store. It sounded a lot less steady than usual. "What does your Persona look like?"
"Huh?"
"Your Persona. Appearance, abilities." Her gaze stayed fixed on the television screen. "I've questioned the others previously. What about yours?"
"Well... he's like a big skeleton and--" Wait. Naoto was supposed to be inside summoning her Persona, not hanging around in Junes chatting about his. Teddie had already been in there an hour waiting for them to show. "I'll tell you later, okay? We gotta go through, Senpai's gonna be pissed."
Naoto visibly braced. "Yes. I'm just--" She hesitated, toying with the brim of her cap then folding her arms. "Obviously, I need to--"
As Kanji waited patiently for the rest of the sentence, realization finally hit: Naoto was totally stalling.
Man, why hadn't he figured that out earlier? She was probably scared. Kanji hadn't wanted to make his first leap either. It was different for Souji and Yosuke, they'd never been thrown in - and though Rise had been fine with it from the start, Rise would also jump into the Samegawa if she saw Senpai go first.
So. Naoto was scared. Which meant Kanji had to fix it. _Think, Tatsumi._
Maybe they could go through together. He could hold her hand. That'd work, right? 'Course it would. Besides, at her height she'd probably have to run from halfway across the shop floor to make the jump, which really _would_ attract attention.
With a burst of courage, Kanji held out his hand. "You. Uh."
Naoto stared at it, then at him, then at the television. "Unnecessary," she said, firm and quick, then climbed hastily through the screen.
He blinked. "Wait, Naoto, you gotta jump--"
The warning came too late. Suddenly discovering there was sheer drop the other side instead of solid ground, Naoto yelped and pitched forward. Kanji made a panicked lunge for her legs, tripped, caught his knee on the edge of the screen - and tumbled through after her.
The fall wasn't that far. Two meters at most. Even so, the impact knocked the breath out his lungs - and it took him a few seconds to notice the small lumps thudding against his ribs. They didn't hurt, really, but they were still kinda annoying.
Kanji raised his head to complain, and several things happened at once.
The blows to his side were coming from Naoto - who was trapped under his left arm and leg and beating on him with her fists. The glare she gave him could peel paint. "Get off me!"
Across the room, Yosuke started laughing his ass off. Kanji resolved to punch him at a later date. For now, he just opened and closed his mouth, hoping his brain might force some words in there - then jerked up and back in a movement similar to one he'd make if he'd crash-landed on a dozen Shadows instead. Looking at Naoto's expression, he wished he had.
Fuming, she violently straightened her shirt. Her cheeks were flushed so red she could probably catch fire, which nicely matched the glare she was now directing at the opposite wall. Kanji half-expected it to melt. Her hat was laying near his elbow - must've fallen off in the landing - so he grabbed it from the floor and leaned nervously toward her, one hand holding it out as a tentative peace offering.
Naoto snatched it without looking.
"Sorry," he mumbled. "I just--you were gonna--"
"Ooh, I did that too! When we were in Port Island, remember?" Rise bounced over with a beaming Teddie in tow. "We should make it a team thing! Bonding by falling on Naoto-kun."
Now looking like she wanted to glare at everything in the room at once, Naoto ignored Rise's outstretched hand and pulled herself to her feet. She stormed off toward Souji and Yosuke - both of who were trying not to laugh and failing miserably.
"Smooth, Kanji-kun," Rise said, with a smirk that Yosuke would've envied. It figured she wouldn't stay mad at Souji long.
Teddie gave an eager nod. "Oh, it's just like a movie! Simmering tension between the two leads, broken by the breathtakingly intimate contact of a possibly-accidental tumble!"
"P-possibly?" Kanji spluttered.
"Teddie," Rise said patiently, "that didn't work in the summer and it isn't gonna work now."
He pouted. "It would've if Yuki-chan had seen the movie too."
The exchange kept going - something about Teddie needing to stick to sparkles and how Rise-chan shouldn't pull mean faces at Sensei - but Kanji had lost interest in favor of watching Naoto. She was standing next to Souji, looking up at him and listening closely as he spoke. Probably explaining how to call up her card and summon her Persona. No sense in Kanji butting in. Evoking came more or less naturally, so he wouldn't have any new advice to add - and he couldn't imagine Naoto appreciating anything that wasn't useful.
Still, would've been nice to encourage her.
Souji turned toward them. "Ready, Rise?"
"Yep!" Rise clasped her hands together, as Himiko shimmered hazily into view behind her. She took point, leading the group down one of the tiled paths away from the lot and towards the replica shopping district. Naoto and Souji, Kanji noticed, were walking next to each other.
He shook his head. Better pay attention to his surroundings. He'd only been to the district once before and seeing Naoki's folks' place had really freaked him out. Kanji had quickly figured out that the rest of the buildings were just facades - the doors were jammed and there was nothing behind the windows but empty space - but he was still glad the street ended long before reaching the textiles shop.
They stopped outside the liquor store, with both Naoto and Rise standing a few steps away from the rest of the group.
Naoto held out her hand, flexing her fingers, then flipped it so the palm faced up. A blue card flickered into the air, and she studied it closely, the glow casting shadows across her face. Tentatively, she took it between her thumb and finger - then threw it upward, pulled a pistol from her side and shot it clean through.
...Pistol?
The card shattered. Kanji had only a split-second to wonder why Naoto hadn't already riddled him with bullets before her Persona flashed down in its place.
Blurred at first, the figure looked just like it had in the lab: blue and small. Really small. Smaller than its owner - which was impressive, in a weird sort of way.
"Good job!" Souji called.
"Why is it still--" Naoto stopped, gun still held at her side. Her gaze shifted from her Persona, to the group, then back to her Persona again. Its edges had sharpened, into what looked like--Kanji would have to make sure he never, ever said this to Naoto, but it looked like a bug. A bug who'd joined the military and been given a lightsaber. But hey, his was a skeleton; at least Naoto's had a nice uniform (the yellow tie really accented the blue).
"The, the size," she continued. "You all described yours as--" The sentence stayed unfinished as she stared her Persona up and down.
"Naoto-kun," Souji said carefully, "there's nothing wrong with--"
Yosuke shook his head. "Dude, it's smaller than she is."
"Uniform's neat," Kanji pointed out (even the buttons were sharp, and gold was supposed to look gaudy).
"It's so cute!" trilled Rise.
"Shut up," Naoto snapped, then stormed past the liquor store and down the street, a small blue figure obediently hovering after her.
As they watched her leave, Souji folded his arms and turned to Kanji. "You want to talk to her?"
"Me?"
"I can do it, if you like." He paused for a moment, then smiled. "But it'll do her good to get along with other people. Figure I spend enough time running around after everyone."
Kanji wasn't so certain. What if he screwed up? He couldn't even understand why Naoto was pissed over something so dumb. She was little, so was her Persona. It made sense.
Still, Senpai had asked him to do it. _Time to man up_, he decided, letting out a slow sigh.
Naoto was sitting cross-legged on the ground about ten meters down the street, peering intently at her Persona as it hovered in front of her. Kanji kind of wished his looked so smart. A metal skeleton was pretty badass - but man, that blue outfit was sharp.
At that, Take-Mikazuchi started clanging around in his head. Kanji guessed uniforms weren't the big guy's thing.
Swallowing to calm the churn in his stomach, he walked closer to Naoto. "You okay?"
"It's called Sukuna-Hikona. It told me," Naoto said. The Persona buzzed, and she shook her head. "Sorry, not it. Him."
Kanji crouched down beside her - or near her, at least. Near as he dared get. "Hey there," he mumbled. Sukuna-Hikona buzzed back.
Naoto leaned back on her hands, brow creased in thought. "Seta-senpai has informed me that most Personas are based upon mythological beings. I will research this one."
"You don't sound happy."
"He's..." She gestured vaguely towards the Persona, her frown turning glum. "His size. I thought... well, as I understand it, he's--not as large as the others."
Kanji's first thought was to follow that with _so he's just like you,_ until he remembered today's new Naoto-related mini-fact: she carried a pistol and knew how to use it. Then he considered saying the little guy was cute, but that seemed just as risky. More importantly, his first thought already covered it.
Still with no answer and a blush now creeping over his cheeks, he turned his head away. Fortunately, Sukuna-Hikona helped him out by buzzing again - this time at Naoto. He darted back and forth, wings humming.
Kanji frowned. "He don't sound happy either."
"So he's informed me," Naoto said. "After a fashion. It's more as if he's--"
"Putting things in your head, right?"
She nodded.
"Y'know, Senpai's got a couple that sm--that look like that, too," Kanji told her. "It doesn't mean they can't do nothing."
"Anything. Not nothing," Naoto answered absently. "But what exactly _does_ he do?" She turned toward Kanji. "He's mentioned light and dark. Are those useful?"
Kanji's eyes widened. "Uh... "
"It's like this," Yosuke said, kneeling down in the gap between them. Kanji hadn't even heard him approaching. "Light and dark kill almost anything outright..."
Naoto perked up. "Really?"
"... but you'll spend fifty years trying to hit something. Just ask Souji." Yosuke clapped her on the back, sparking another jolt. "Good luck, Naoto-kun!"
Sukuna-Hikona buzzed again. Naoto, who'd been glowering at Yosuke's back as he walked away, turned back to her Persona and glared at him instead.
"Maybe he can do something else too," Kanji offered.
"Disappearing would be a start. I can't seem to make him go away."
"Why don'cha ask him?"
"I just did," she muttered crossly. "He isn't cooperating."
"Well, just imagine it." Kanji tapped the side of his head. "Think of him going back inside."
Naoto leaned forward, brow furrowed slightly - and Sukuna Hikona vanished. Her eyebrows rose in surprise, and she turned to face Kanji. "I'm not certain how that worked - but thank you, Kanji-kun."
"No worries." Couldn't help grinning, but Naoto didn't seem to mind. "And don't think about it too much."
She hummed thoughtfully. "Rationalizing this may be futile. At the very least, it would waste valuable time." She climbed to her feet, quick and agile, and brushed the dirt from her pants. "We should return to the group."
Now upright, Kanji glanced down at her as she adjusted her cap. He hadn't screwed up. Naoto might not be doing cartwheels, but she wasn't sitting on the ground sulking either.
_Score one__ to Tatsumi, _he thought with a grin.
As they walked away, Naoto turned toward him. "How often does your Persona speak?"
He shrugged. "Not often. And he don't use words much. More feelings and sounds. Yours?"
"He's certainly had a great deal to say so far," she said flatly. "Most of it unhelpful."
Kanji paused, peering at her carefully. "He's... you know he's you, right?"
"I find _that_ difficult to believe," Naoto muttered.
18. Chapter 15
_A/N: Story so far: Medical science couldn't explain Teddie, but did help Yosuke offend almost every girl on the team. Kanji was concerned with only one in particular - who found her true self and instantly disliked him._
_In this chapter: Kanji's over-protective, Rise's over-sensitive, but Naoto's still not over herself._
* * *
**October 9****th****, 2011**
In the six months since he'd first met her, Kanji had seen Naoto show only four or five different facial expressions, none particularly happy and most of them kind of blank. However, the one she wore right now - going by the glimpses he'd caught while pretending to inspect his knuckles - was new. Blue-grey eyes fixed straight ahead, lips pressed into a thin line, face even paler than usual - and generally looking like she'd rather be anywhere else on the planet.
Kanji could sympathize. The secret base looked no more inviting than last time and their reason for being here wasn't much better. He'd gotten Souji-senpai's text around nine last night and spent the next few hours trying to convince himself that he wasn't racked with worry over this entire thing. By the morning he'd been sick of thinking about it and devoted himself to cleaning the kitchen top to bottom, until Ma told him to stop scrubbing things that were already spotless and threw him outside.
Man, this was _stupid_. They'd been inside the TV yesterday. What was the point in jumping straight back in? No new leads on the killer, and Naoto had already summoned her Persona. Hell, exams were coming up - they'd all be better off staying home and studying. Kanji had thought about using that argument on Souji, except it would've been less convincing than Yukiko-senpai asking to skip a TV trip to so she could try out for the Yasogami High wrestling team.
She was the one Souji had originally wanted as the final member of today's team. It'd taken Kanji a lot of stammered half-sentences to persuade him otherwise.
"You know, Kanji-kun, if the wind changes then your face'll stay like that."
Kanji didn't bother to grunt or look down. Rise would soon get bored. Only talking to him because Senpai was busy chatting with Chie and Yukiko. Maybe they were kicking up a fuss about the team swap.
"Ooh, good thing Senpai put you on the team today. Smashing Shadows might cheer you up." Something jabbed him in the ribs, twice in quick succession. "'Cause if I have to keep watching you mope, I'm gonna end up miserable too."
No way was he _moping._ Worried sick, yeah. Pissed off, sure. Wanting to go break something, definitely.
He glanced down at Rise. "Sukuna-Hikona. You scanned him. He's tough?"
She frowned. "He's… weird, I guess. No weaknesses, but Light and Dark are pretty useless. Practically the first thing I figure out about a Shadow is that Darkness won't work. Kinda wish Himiko would stop telling me," she added, rolling her eyes.
No weaknesses. That was good. Every time Kanji came up against a Shadow with Garu, he swore he felt Take-Mikazuchi shudder. Only thing that ever made the big lump seem willing to fall back. And fine, Sukuna-Hikona's magic sucked, but he had to have a few other tricks. "Can't he do anything else?"
Rise shrugged. "Probably. It's hard to pick everything out from one scan. Guess we'll find out today."
Kanji had just opened his mouth to say he seriously hoped they wouldn't, when Chie turned around. "So, Naoto-kun," she said, then grinned and tipped a thumb toward the large metal bunker. "Featherman, huh?"
Naoto's cheeks flushed pink. "That, that isn't-"
"You were a fan, Chie?" Souji asked.
She shook her head. "Nope. Yukiko was, though. Made me watch it all the time." The next part was said like a whisper, except loud enough for everyone in a ten meter radius to hear. "She had a major crush on the Red Hawk."
"N-No I didn't!" Yukiko stammered, easily beating Naoto in pinkness. "And I was _eight_!"
"I don't blame you, Yukiko-senpai," chirped Rise, flashing a brilliant smile at Souji. "There's something about leaders, huh?"
Yosuke, sitting under a nearby tree and busy fending off Teddie's attempts to borrow his headphones, glanced over with a snort. "No way! The Yellow Owl was the coolest."
"Oh yeah, I remember him," Chie said thoughtfully. "Total dork."
The rest of the conversation quickly devolved into an argument over which ranger was best - all three girls taking the red side versus Yosuke's desperate defense of the yellow - so Kanji took the opportunity to steal another glance at Naoto. Wasn't blushing quite so hard now, but she was still staring at the ground.
They probably didn't have much in common. He couldn't see Naoto liking sewing, and the closest he got to fighting crime was smacking bikers around the shopping district. But hell, he knew Featherman.
He slouched closer, hoping it came off as casual as he intended. "So, uh...which one did you wanna be?"
Naoto looked up. "Hmm?"
"The rangers. Featherman." Man, this had sounded like a much better idea before he opened his mouth. "I-I wanted to be the Orange Sparrow. Guy could dart around like nothing else."
Her eyebrows arched with surprise. "Not the Black Condor?"
"He was okay. Knew how to fight." Kind of an asshole too, from what Kanji remembered. Kept ragging on the Red Hawk. He frowned. "Did you wanna be him?"
"No, I-" The sentence stopped after the first word, and Naoto's expression instantly closed off. "I-I hardly think discussing a children's television show is relevant to the task at hand."
Kanji was tempted to point out that it was _her_ subconscious that'd invented a secret ranger base and filled it full of robots - but hell, a bathhouse headed by a screeching harpy was ten times worse. He kept his mouth shut, while the rest of the team kept flapping theirs.
Eventually, Souji's voice cut across the rest. "Come on, guys. We don't want to spend all day on this." He gestured to Yukiko, Yosuke and Teddie. "You three wait here with Rise. Might swap you in later."
_Better not_, Kanji thought.
Just as before, a red and black portal was swirling in the entrance to the base. Chie was the first to step through, urging a reluctant Naoto alongside her. As Kanji moved to follow, a hand grabbed his elbow.
Souji eyed him cautiously. His hand hadn't moved. "Kanji. This is a training run, so I'm okay with bringing you along." His gaze flickered to the portal. "But you can't always be on the same team."
Kanji gulped and shook his head. "Don't care. That ain't why I-"
"Fine," Souji interrupted, dropping his hand to his side. "Just remember, we fight by strategy - and sometimes you'll be waiting back at the lot."
_High and mighty leader_, Kanji thought, teeth clenched - then choked out a muttered _no problem_ and glared at the ground.
Senpai was just out of sorts because he'd wanted to bring Yukiko. Probably sulking. Okay, that didn't seem much like him, but there was no other reason why he wouldn't understand that Kanji being there made sense. Even though the team didn't really need two front-line fighters. Even though Souji would now have to work support. Even though Yukiko would've been the logical, reasonable choice.
Kanji had never been big on logic. He swallowed hard, trying to calm his yammering nerves, and stepped through the portal.
Inside, the base was the same as before. Metal floors lined with rivets, pipes crawling over the ceiling, eagle crests on the walls and doors. Naoto surveyed the corridor, face tinted green under the light and still managing to look pale. She licked her lips, then bit down on the lower one.
"I. I hadn't seen it before. Just the laboratory." She turned to Souji. "Could we-isn't there somewhere else we could-"
"Nope," Souji said evenly.
Chie nodded. "Gotta do it sometime, Naoto-kun."
Easy for them to say. Souji didn't have a Shadow, or at least hadn't bumped into it somewhere stupid that his head made up. Chie, she'd just been part of Yukiko's - and it was Yukiko that got bent out of shape whenever they went back to the castle, not her. Kanji couldn't stand going back to his, especially not with the rest of the team around. Way too embarrassing, like somebody coming over to your house and finding your dirty laundry strewn over the floor - except it was... head-laundry, or something. Which was much worse.
"C'mon, let's find you some Shadows to beat." Chie tipped her chin toward the corridor ahead.
Naoto nodded dully. Still glancing around the corridor, she began to follow the two senpai - making sure to stay a few strides behind. Matching her pace was difficult, but Kanji managed to fall into step alongside her.
"Hey...s'alright, yeah?" he tried. "Not like your Shadow's here now."
Naoto gestured fiercely around her, taking in the floor, walls and ceiling. "This. Why would I... it's utterly childish. A _secret base_," she muttered.
"C'mon," Kanji coaxed. "It ain't that bad, believe me."
"It should be something different. A...a..." She tipped up her chin. "A detective agency, or a police station, or-or a study."
By that logic, Kanji's should have been either a schoolyard brawl or a sewing shop full of kittens. "Yeah, well. Rise's was a strip club."
Naoto blinked at him.
Oh _man_. He honestly hadn't meant to let that slip. Seriously. What if Rise heard him?
"B-but I didn't tell you that, right?" he stammered, quiet as he could. "Rise, she won't just kill me, she'll-" He swallowed. "Do something a thousand times worse. Millions."
Naoto frowned, blinked again, and almost walked into Chie. Her and Souji had stopped dead in the corridor, both now staring through a nearby door. When Kanji peered over their heads, the room beyond looked like all the others - green light, steel floor, long rows of monitors and switches - until he caught the black, swirling mass hovering in the center.
Souji was bent on one knee, his palm pressed against the floor. "I think we've found a target," he murmured.
_Honestly, Senpai. Rushing in and starting fights with poor, innocent Shadows...I thought Kanji-kun was the bad influence!_
"Sorry, Rise. I'm leading the others astray." He glanced over his shoulder. "Including Naoto-kun here. Ready, Naoto?"
"Of course," Naoto answered, far too smoothly.
"On three, then. One, two-"
"Three!" Chie finished, and launched herself straight from a crouch to a forward dash. Naoto followed a split-second later, pulling her pistol and dodging round Souji before Kanji had time to raise his shield.
Dammit, if she ran off like that-was she _trying_ to make this difficult?
Kanji raced after her into the room, cursing under his breath with each step. The black mass of Shadows had already started to stretch out like marshmallow, the buzzing and humming growing louder as it split into three separate, shapeless globs. None of them stayed that way long. They molded into crude figures within moments, two of them big and humanoid - Gigas, he guessed.
"Wh-what-" Naoto started - then visibly braced, her expression leveling out as she took aim.
_Two Gigas and a Relic, guys. Remember, no physicals, no fire - and Kanji-kun, no electricity!_
Too right. Couldn't toss lightning at those guys unless you wanted it sparking back in your ears and straight down your spine. Kanji had learned that much trying to tackle this place without Souji. But that was cool; Chie had Bufu, Naoto had whatever, and Senpai could always bust out one of his other Personas.
_No physicals on the Relic, either, but it's weak to fire. _
Kanji winced.
Souji shot him a pointed look. "Chie and I will take the Gigas. Kanji, Naoto, you've got the Relic."
Naoto tore her eyes away from the Shadows long enough to give a brief nod. All four fanned out, Kanji following Naoto to the left as Chie and Souji moved right.
Shit, he hated fights like this. Wasn't like these guys were hard, but he was useless if he couldn't smash stuff. Ran out of steam too quick. Fire off too many Ziodynes, and he'd have nothing left for the next fight. He glanced sideways at Naoto, expecting her to summon - but instead, she backed away, angled her gun, and pulled the trigger. The bullet ricocheted off the Relic's head, striking the floor barely two steps in front of her.
Dammit, which part of 'no physicals' didn't she understand?
Scowling, Kanji crushed his card in one hand. _"Take-Mikazuchi!"_
Take-Mikazuchi crackled into life and lurched forward, fist outstretched to match Kanji's own. A bolt of lightning crashed down into the Shadow, knocking it back almost far enough to topple - but only almost.
The Relic rocked forward again, creaking and grinding, and sent a burst of flame roaring towards Naoto.
She didn't budge. Kanji's stomach lurched into his chest, twisted inside-out on the way, because there was no way he could- "Naoto! Move!"
At the last possible moment - he swore her hat got singed - Naoto dodged. She ducked to the left, still moving, and fired off a second shot that glanced off the Relic and into the wall behind her. She frowned, her lips moving silently.
Why the hell wasn't she summoning? "Put the frickin' gun away!"
Across the room, Senpai echoed him. "Naoto, you have to use your Persona!"
The frown got worse. Gun arm still raised, Naoto held out her other palm - and her card snapped into the air, shattering around a bullet seconds later. Sukuna-Hikona spiraled out and slashed across the Shadow, Hama Runes glowing in the wake of his sword.
Whenever he got a new Persona that had light or dark, Souji always tried out their powers. Wishful thinking, he called it. Hama had hit once, when they went up against a Shadow Rise could tell was weak to it. Mudoon had failed every time. And now, just as Kanji expected, the Hama runes faded away - the Relic shrugging off the spell as if Naoto had never cast it.
Take-Mikazuchi made a noise that didn't contain any words, yet still made it pretty clear what he thought of midget Personas and their crappy magic - which shifted into panic as the Relic's chest cracked in two.
Kanji dropped to his knees and threw up his shield. A furious wind blasted around the edges, whipping his coat around his shoulders. Teeth clenched, he tucked down his head, glanced to his left - and watched Naoto slam into the wall.
Later, he wouldn't remember actually deciding to run. He just did it - sprinted clear past the Relic, the last of the gale still buffeting him, grabbed Naoto by the waist and hauled her up. "Shit, you okay?"
Naoto stared at him fuzzily - breath coming in gasps, narrow shoulders heaving. Blood was trickling down her chin. She'd torn her lip, probably bit it on reflex.
"Wh-what are you-" she finally stuttered out - then smacked both fists hard against his biceps.
Kanji barely felt it. He jerked back his hands all the same, but mostly because he'd realized they were still around her waist. "You, you alright? You hurt?" Of course she was, she was _bleeding_. "Dammit, I shoulda been-"
Naoto glared. "_Move_," she muttered, yanking her pistol back by its cord and shoving past him. Facing forward, eyes tracking the Relic's movements, she darted away as Kanji looked to his right. Souji and Chie had both the Gigas on the ropes, but Senpai was looking battered. He'd given up on support in favor of hurling out as many Bufu spells as he could. Chie was trying to do the same, scowling each time when her target barely flinched.
A gunshot sounded to his left. Had to be Naoto. Probably trying Mudoon. "Naoto, you know that ain't gonna-"
He caught one glimpse of Sukuna-Hikona darting forward, sword held out, before his vision flashed white.
Blind and deaf, Kanji fell hard on his knees. Fricking hurt, so at least he knew he wasn't dead - and by the time his ears finally stopped ringing and he'd blinked his vision clear, all three Shadows had hit the deck. The air sizzled as they sputtered out of existence.
Hovering over them, Sukuna-Hikona buzzed once, did a little loop back to Naoto, then disappeared.
Holy crap. Guess the little guy had it in him after all.
_Yeah, Himiko finally figured it out! Megidola. Knew there was something I was missing. Naoto-kun just needed a little push._
Kanji couldn't help a broad smile. It vanished when he saw the blood still staining Naoto's jaw.
"No weaknesses, you said," he muttered at Rise.
_What're you talking about? She got up just fine. Stop fussing!_
Kanji wanted to snap back at her, but it would've been halfhearted. Rise was right. You got hit by the wrong sort of spell, you went out hard. If you were lucky, somebody would smack you to your senses and toss out a Dia before whatever you were fighting finished the job. Naoto was fine.
"Awesome, Naoto-kun!" Chie bounded over from the other side of the room, skidded to a halt, and raised her palm for a high-five that Naoto tried to turn into a handshake. "Right, Souji?"
"Good job, guys. That was a little more hectic than I'd have liked," Souji said, wiping at his forehead.
"No kidding. Felt kinda useless there."
Naoto bowed her head. "You contributed admirably, Chie-senpai."
"C'mon, stop that." Chie tipped her own with a skeptical look. "You don't have to flatter me. I know what I'm good at."
"You did fine," Souji insisted. "It's rare we hit a fight like that. Trial by fire," he added, with a smile at Naoto.
She nodded back. "Indeed. Please excuse me, senpai," she said - then turned around and looked straight at Kanji.
His stomach tightened on reflex, partly because it always did when he met her eyes, but mostly because she looked like she wanted to drag him into a police station, shine a spotlight in his face and grill him for a week. She crossed the gap between them in seconds, each step quick and decisive, fists clenched at her sides.
Man, if this was how she handled criminals, Kanji almost felt sorry for them.
Naoto stared up at him, eyes narrowed almost into slits. "Kanji-kun, what were your intentions during that battle?"
Crap. She'd noticed.
Lacking ideas, Kanji tried playing dumb. "What d'you mean?"
"Offering me assistance. There was no strategic purpose in it. I don't under-" Naoto stopped, glanced away, and started over. "If I had suffered a severe injury, perhaps it would have been justified, but I-" She paused again and ran her hand along her jaw, smearing the blood on her chin - then looked him in the eye. "Why?"
There was no right response to that. "Uh-I-well. First battle, y'know." He made it sound as convincing as he could, which wasn't very. But Naoto seemed mollified, at least a little, and the look of suspicion faded.
"I...suppose that's acceptable," she said carefully, still holding his gaze. "But refrain from doing so again. It isn't necessary."
Except it _had_ been. What, he was supposed to leave her on the floor? Naoto and him were teammates. Teammates looked out for each other. "Just tryin' to help," he mumbled.
Apparently, it was the wrong answer.
Naoto bristled. Her jaw tightened, her eyes narrowed again, and the next sentence came out rushed and jagged. "I understand that I am new to this, Kanji, and that you have all been working with your Personas for far longer, but believe me when I say that I am perfectly capable of handling-"
"I know that! Just, you got smacked into-I, I thought you were hurt." Screw it, this whole conversation made no sense. _Naoto_ made no sense. "An' you were!"
"A cut lip hardly qualifies as an injury - and as an electricity user, it was far more risky for you to involve yourself."
On one level, Kanji wondered where she'd picked up on that. On another - the more familiar and instinctive one - she was really pissing him off. "Don't matter," he muttered through the small gap left between his clenched teeth.
If Naoto heard, she didn't show it. "You should concentrate on the task at hand and your own safety. If I need anyone's help, I will ask for it."
"You mean when you're out cold on the frickin' floor?" Definitely wasn't the right thing to say, and this time he knew it.
Naoto leaned forward. Kanji automatically leaned back.
"Tatsumi," she said, very quietly. "I have told you before. I do _not_ require babysitting."
As he stared down at Naoto, who was trying hard to be intimidating and half-succeeding on guts alone, a new thought crossed Kanji's mind. Even though it wasn't for a good reason - and even though she was glaring football-sized holes in him - he finally had Naoto Shirogane's full attention.
Thoughts like that didn't help at all.
"Fine. _Fine_," he repeated, growling deep in his throat. "Won't do it again. First fight, s'all."
Naoto gave a single, brisk nod. "Good. Now, excuse me."
Kanji watched her turn on her heels, stride over to the wall by the door - about the furthest away she could get without leaving the room - and start reloading her pistol.
What the hell was so hard for her to understand? Why wouldn't he have helped her? Shouldn't have even let her get thrown across the room in the first place. She was _little_. A lug like him could shrug it off, no problem - but if Kanji had stopped to think about it, he would've been worried about hurting Naoto just picking her up. Somebody like that, they weren't made for fighting. Chie-senpai wasn't that much bigger, and he'd kinda worried about her too - for about five minutes. Their first battle together not only proved she could take a hit, she was agile enough that most of them never landed. Kanji still wanted to help, sometimes, but told himself his senpai knew what she was doing.
Yukiko was different, because while she wasn't small, she looked... fragile was the wrong word. Graceful, maybe. The sort of strength a person didn't keep in their fists, and no matter what, she always looked out of place in battle. Didn't help that he'd known her for years. But she always stood at the back - and if Chie was there, any Shadow aiming for Yukiko needed to survive a flurry of high kicks first. Rise was fine as well, since she stayed so far behind the team, assuming she'd even followed them inside. If she hadn't, somebody always waited with her. Good thing, too. The image of Rise in a fight was even weirder than actually watching Yukiko.
But Naoto? She was a problem.
She'd be at the front. No other option. All Sukuna-Hikona could do was attack, which was about the dumbest thing ever for a Persona less than a meter tall with an owner who wasn't much bigger. Especially when that owner thought she had something to prove.
Kanji shook his head. He had to let this go. Naoto had bitched him out just for helping her up; if he'd tried to push her aside and take the hit, he'd be wearing a new set of bullet holes.
Didn't stop him from wishing he'd done it.
* * *
"So what was with that? You fall asleep standing up?"
"Just missed, s'all," Kanji lied. He already knew Chie wouldn't be convinced, not when he'd screwed up in all three of their other fights. Too busy staring at Naoto and forcing himself not to rush over whenever she got hit.
Shit, this was pathetic.
Chie cocked an eyebrow. "Okay, so I know_ that's_ not true. We've fought together for months, Kanji-kun, and I've never seen you miss an opening like that."
He wasn't even sure which fight she meant. Last one, probably. He'd missed a chance to Ziodyne a Panzer through the floor because he'd been watching Naoto dodge a slash from a Royal Dancer's sword. "S'okay. You took 'em down."
"Yeah, but I didn't _need_ to."
Kanji grunted and shoved his hands in his pockets. Cold out. Stupid of him to still be hanging around in the food court, since Naoto didn't show any sign of leaving soon and wouldn't want him walking with her anyway. She'd been sat at the same table for ten minutes now, talking with Teddie (though from where Kanji was standing, it looked a little more like an interrogation).
Maybe he should offer to walk her anyway. Wasn't like she'd shoot him in the middle of Junes. She'd just make him feel about a centimeter tall instead, and that was-
"You know, if somebody tried to do that to me, I'd be pissed."
He turned back to Chie. "Do what?"
"Take a hit. Jump in front of me, push me out the way, whatever." Her hands settled on her hips. "Because I know I can take it, and doing that-it'd be like saying I _couldn't_. They'd be taking the fight away from me."
"Never did any of that," insisted Kanji - not mentioning that he still wished he had.
"But you wanted to," she pointed out. "And I'd also get mad if somebody cut out in the middle of battle just so they could haul me up."
They hadn't known each other before he signed up with the team, but Kanji liked Chie. Girl knew how to fight and eat: both qualities he could admire. Gutsy, too. Different as they were (maybe because they were) he could totally see why Yukiko-senpai liked her. All that said, she'd never struck him as the observant type - which meant either she was currently channeling Souji-senpai, or Kanji had been about as subtle as a brick in the face.
"Dunno what you mean," he mumbled, glaring at a point roughly twenty centimeters above her head.
"C'mon, Kanji-kun, I'm not blind! I _know_ why you didn't hit that Shadow. And I'm just saying it'd piss me off if I was on the receiving end."
"That ain't-" he began, then swallowed. "S'different. You can fight."
She shrugged. "So can Naoto. Her Persona has physicals, right? She's no worse off than Yosuke."
One of Rise's comments fluttered into Kanji's mind - the one about Chie and Yosuke and girls throwing bugs at boys, or something like that. "What if it was him?"
"Huh?"
"Yosuke. If he was the one helping you."
Chie's eyes widened. Kanji angled his head slightly, trying to work out if she looked horrified, insulted, guilty, or all three at once.
"Wh-Why would that matter?" she snapped.
_Uh-oh._ "I-I just-"
"The only difference is that I'd smack him afterward!" She stamped a foot against the tiled floor. It landed dangerously close to one of Kanji's. "He's-he knows better!"
Kanji wondered if Yosuke had tried, back when the senpai first went inside the TV. Might never have occurred to him. Maybe it did, but he knew Chie would be pissed - or he did take a blow for her once, and got bitched out so bad he never tried again.
Except it wasn't something you could control, not like that. Every time Naoto got hit - or just came close to it - Kanji had already lurched forward two steps before he could remind himself to stay put.
Maybe it would get easier. It had to.
He turned to Chie again. She was making small hops from one foot to another and still looked rattled.
"What if it was Yukiko-senpai?" he asked.
She frowned. "Helping me?"
"No. Other way. If she was in trouble."
Chie's expression shifted. She glanced away, fingers curling inward to tug at her track jacket sleeve.
"I-I dunno. I guess I'd- I'd want to-" She shook her head. "That's different. Yukiko, she can't fight back. I've always looked after her. You and Naoto-kun only met a few months ago and she can handle herself."
Only a few months. Kanji usually did his best to ignore that part; told himself it didn't matter. Love at first sight, right?
Yeah, like Naoto was into _that_. Wasn't what he felt, either, because it didn't exist. He squared his shoulders and gave Chie a firm nod, ignoring the hot coils twisting in his stomach. "'Course she can."
* * *
**October 11th**
Kanji was quickly learning that, among her many other talents, Naoto had an amazing knack for sulking.
Sure, Yosuke had been an ass. That was Yosuke. Rising to his bait wouldn't change that. It might've been hypocritical of Kanji to think so after he'd almost put the guy through a wall, but everyone knew he had a temper. Naoto was supposed to be unflappable. Then again, she'd lost her rag at her Shadow, and that cop back in the summer. Possibly a bunch of other cops too, if the stuff Souji and Yosuke had heard at the station was anything to go by. Right now, she looked dangerously close to losing it with Rise, who'd been trying to wring a reaction out of her for the past ten minutes.
"Oh, stop pouting, Naoto-kun!"
Naoto didn't answer, instead continuing to glower at a random section of the food court fence. In response, Rise made a tight, frustrated sound, threw up her hands and started a pout of her own.
Though he didn't talk much, Kanji had never been comfortable with silence. He was on the verge of tipping over the damn table just to make some noise when Naoto finally spoke.
"_Useless_," she muttered. "As if _he_ would know."
"It's Yosuke-senpai!" Rise insisted, then slouched back in her seat and tugged irritably at a loose strand of hair. "He was only kidding."
He'd still hurt Naoto's feelings, though. Or her pride. Which was probably the same thing. If Kanji had a complex, or whatever Naoto had told the senpai, she sure as hell had one too. But if somebody had made her feel bad, wasn't he supposed to do something about that?
"Right, Kanji-kun?"
"Right," he repeated - still trying to figure out whether he should smack Yosuke on principle or tell Naoto to just fricking get over it. The first wouldn't help. The second was honest but kind of harsh, and also something he hadn't fully learned how to do himself.
Naoto stared at them both in turn, then turned back to the fence. Her fingers moved over the edge of her cap, pausing to fumble with the band of fabric around the middle. Kanji wondered if it was coming loose.
"Perhaps I ought to have-I haven't had the opportunity to study many second year subjects. My studies have been…lopsided, possibly." Her hand had shifted to the table now, fingertips pressing hard against the surface, and she shook her head. "I simply didn't think I'd be of any use in-"
"You're not useless, you couldn't be!" Kanji insisted, slamming a hand on the table for emphasis. Then the words finally made it to his brain, along with the realization that he'd missed Naoto's own hand by centimeters. _Play it cool_, he told himself, and waited a few extra seconds before jerking his arm back like it was on fire.
Naoto glanced from her hand to him and back again, frowned, then tipped down her chin. Her next comment seemed to be directed at the table. "R-regardless, Yosuke-senpai had no right to say that. The police have called me many things, but not..." The sentence trailed off into nothing.
All three of them fell silent.
Kanji shot a pointed glance at Rise, hoping she'd kick-start things again - or at least kick Naoto out of her funk - but she just rolled her eyes. Probably still pissed that Souji was coaching Yosuke today and not her. She hadn't been able to wrangle any future sessions out of him either; Senpai must've finally noticed that the more time she spent fixing him with dreamy stares in the library, the lower her grades dropped.
Okay. Conversation. Something they could all talk about. Not Featherman, that'd bombed big time.
"So. You, uh." Wait. He could _prove_ Naoto was useful. "Y-You were serious 'bout coaching me? And Rise?"
Naoto looked up. "Of course. I offered before." She gestured vaguely towards them both. "Besides, the two of you clearly require instruction to ensure an adequate performance."
"_Thanks_, Naoto-kun," Rise huffed. "We really needed you to tell us how dumb we are."
Naoto stared blankly for a full second before her forehead creased into a frown. "That isn't what I meant."
"Rise's teasing," Kanji interjected, hoping he was right. "S'nice of you. Offering to help."
"Ah." Hesitating, Naoto shifted slightly in her chair. "Well, I-it was Rise-san's idea, originally. And, and I feel I should..." Her gaze drifted to the side. "Make an effort, I suppose."
What was he supposed to make of that? Did it mean she wanted to help, or that Senpai was making her? He'd already said she needed to treat the rest of the team better - at least, better than she did before she joined. She probably didn't give a damn about helping.
"Y-you don't have to," he blurted out. "If you don't want."
"It's no trouble to me, Kanji-kun. And it would benefit you both."
Didn't answer his question. Which, he realized, was probably more _do you wanna spend time with me_ than anything to do with helping him get better grades - and was therefore really, really stupid.
He grunted. Must've sounded encouraging, because Naoto turned to Rise. "Is that agreeable, Rise-san?"
Rise sighed and burrowed further into her padded jacket. "I guess."
With the confidence of somebody safely on home turf, Naoto gave a quick, firm nod. "Then we'll meet here tomorrow, after school."
* * *
**October 12nd**
"Naoto-kun, I give up. I can't study any more."
_Any more_ was kind of misleading. Far as Kanji could tell, Rise had spent the last twenty minutes doodling in the margins of her notes (mostly stars, save for a long string of hearts with her and Senpai's names in them). It'd been an improvement on the ten minutes before that, which she'd spent kicking his ankles beneath the picnic bench.
"Nonsense," Naoto insisted. "You simply aren't focused."
Rise huffed in response and kicked Kanji's ankle again. He didn't really notice, since he was busy pretending not to look at Naoto. She was sitting the other side of the bench, mathematics notes stacked in a line of neat piles in front of her. From Kanji's angle the pages were upside down, but he could still tell that while the handwriting wasn't exactly elegant - Naoto wrote everything in capital letters - everything was hyper-organized, all numbered headings and carefully drawn diagrams.
...So what the hell was with that closet in her apartment? Stuff just thrown in there, all over the-
Wait, he didn't want to think about that. Trigonometry. Definitely a safer bet. Besides, he didn't want Naoto thinking he was dumb. Unfortunately, his own notes comprised three pages of scribbles that even he couldn't decode and one sheet of new doll designs, and he'd left them at home rather than risk Naoto seeing them. Wasn't his fault math class was boring. Geometry was kind of useful, though. Good for sewing patterns. Shame he wasn't learning much of it, since Naoto's approach to coaching involved hurtling at the speed of light through each topic then shoving worksheets across the table.
"Why can't we do this indoors, anyway?" Rise whined, folding her arms and pouting. "Like at the library?"
Naoto shook her head. "I can't instruct you there. Talking is forbidden."
People weren't his strong spot, but Kanji had a pretty good handle on Rise. What she really wanted was for Senpai to appear in the food court, sweep her off her feet and whisk her away to a study session that didn't involve actual studying. Naoto had been doomed from the start. "But it's cold! I'm gonna freeze!"
"I assure you, Rise-san, the weather is fine."
"_Whatever_, Naoto."
Kanji winced.
When she wasn't trying to ruin his life, at least the parts involving Naoto, Rise was really neat. She always kept a conversation going, she could probably beat Teddie in a sparkle contest, and she was the perkiest, most optimistic person Kanji had ever met - right up until the moment she blew her stack. The tone of voice she'd just used marked that point. Rise-the-diva was about to hit.
Kanji ducked his head and tried to look interested in his textbook.
"I understand that the case is more pressing than schoolwork, but-"
"That's not why I can't concentrate," Rise snapped. "This stuff is just _boring_."
"Regardless," said Naoto, so coolly it even bugged him, "your lack of interest in the topic is _not_ an excuse to fail your exams."
"I got by fine last time!"
Scraped by was more accurate. Skin of the teeth. Rise had done almost as bad as him; she just glossed over it better.
Naoto shook her head. "I doubt that. I understand you've had a successful music career, but you-"
"Since when were you my mom?" Rise narrowed her eyes, hovering dangerously close to a sneer. "Don't be such a know-it-all."
This time, Naoto's voice was a lot less steady. "I am not-"
"Like you know anything!" snapped Rise - arms folded tight, shoulders viciously angled, and generally looking like an pissed off piece of origami. "I'm gonna hire translators for the English and I'll get accountants to do the numbers and if I want anything else, I-I'll make someone look it up online!"
"That's-there's no excuse for apathy, or-or laziness!"
"I'm not lazy! You just suck as a tutor!"
Kanji cleared his throat. "Hey, maybe we oughta-"
"My explanations have been perfectly clear! If you're incapable of understanding them, then-"
"Oh, so now I'm stupid again?"
"That isn't what I said, but obviously you're just hearing-"
His fist smacked into the table hard enough to shake it. "Dammit, I don't wanna listen to this crap!"
Both Rise and Naoto were shocked into silence. Kanji, who hadn't expected it either, came pretty close. "Carry on like that and we won't get nothing done," he muttered, half pissed off and half hoping he hadn't hurt their feelings.
Naoto opened her mouth to speak, but stopped short of forming the words. Rise leapt in. "Not everyone's as strung out as you, Naoto," she snapped, standing up and slamming both palms against the table surface. "You need to get over yourself!" With that - and a final angry huff - she grabbed her bag, slipped out from the bench, then stalked across the food court and through the store doors.
Kanji watched her leave in silence. When he glanced back at Naoto, her hands were curled into tight fists on the table. The knuckles were white.
"Don't hold it against her," he offered. "She's just pissed, she'll get over it."
"Rise's episodes do not concern me." Naoto stared firmly at her hands, her lips drawn in a narrow line. "This was purely a gesture of goodwill. She's being ungrateful."
_Irony_, Kanji thought.
"And there was absolutely nothing wrong with my methodology," Naoto added, voice confident, as she folded her arms and leaned back from the table.
Kanji swallowed. "Uh... well, I kinda understand how she feels." He hesitated, watching Naoto carefully. "You, you jumped too much stuff. Went too fast. Then when she called you on it, you-"
Naoto, who'd turned to stone at some point during his last few sentences, fixed him with a glare that could strip paint. "I devoted more than enough time to explaining the concepts," she shot back. "If Rise was unable to follow, she either wasn't paying attention or, or she simply lacks the cognitive ability."
Kanji had expected-okay, he didn't know what he'd expected, because if it was for Naoto to be reasonable for once, then-
He frowned and let out a long breath. "Look, I didn't understand much either."
Her glare shifted to the side. "Then the same applies to you," she muttered, with a sharp tug at the brim of her cap.
Kanji's throat tightened. Under the table, his hand made a fist against his knee.
"Well, I guess there ain't any point in this," he muttered - choking down the urge to shout or curse or break something, just to stop feeling like a complete idiot - "if I'm too stupid to ever get it."
Later on he'd decide it was just desperation, a trick of his ears - but as he stormed away from the table, he was sure he heard Naoto say his name. He still didn't look back.
* * *
The stuffed toy rabbit couldn't read textbooks, didn't make smart-ass remarks, and had spent the entire day sitting quietly on the sewing table. It didn't deserve any of the twenty-two needle-holes Kanji had jabbed into it.
Wasn't his fault. He couldn't concentrate. Sewing had always calmed him down before, put his mind back in order - but now Naoto was jumbling it all up, same as everything else. _Great going, Tatsumi._ Mooning after someone who flew off the handle when he tried to help them and called him an idiot in the middle of the food court. Couldn't have picked a worse crush.
Kanji wished he knew how to pick a different one. He couldn't remember choosing the first.
Forget about that. Finish the rabbit. The kid by the river was expecting it. When they met two nights ago, Kanji had offered to make one on reflex - like he could've resisted - and been mortified when he remembered Souji was standing next to him. Senpai had been real good about it, though. Didn't laugh. He actually encouraged Kanji - who, not for the first time in his life, briefly and fiercely wished he was somebody different. Somebody like Souji.
Souji was a good guy. Naoto was-
His cell buzzed in his pocket. Kanji fished it out and flipped it open.
_STUDY TOMORROW Y/N_
The number wasn't one he knew. It didn't matter.
Shit, he wasn't even sure where Naoto had gotten his number. Must've been from Rise. Who'd probably shove a ballpoint pen in Naoto's ear if she tried to act as tutor again. Had the kid blanked out the last six hours?
He tapped out a message. _what bout rise?_
_WILL TALK W/HER_
Before he had time to answer - he couldn't figure out a good way to ask when that conversation would happen or whether Naoto would mind him vanishing when it did - a third message arrived.
_SORRY FOR EARLIER_
Kanji gripped the phone in his hand, thumb hovering over the keypad, and stared dumbly at the screen until it shut off.
19. Interlude 4
_A/N: Story so far: Kanji tried to be Naoto's television-diving white knight. Naoto responded by calling him and Rise stupid (or by trying her best to educate them, depending on who you ask).
_
_In this brief interlude: Naoto struggles to correct her mistake (and, at times, acknowledge that she made one)._
_EDIT: Apparently there were some formatting issues that chopped lines out of this chapter. My fault. Should be fixed now.
_
* * *
The delay was irrational.
Excluding her kidnapping, Naoto had entered the television only twice: once to summon her Persona, and once to fight her first Shadow. The last excursion had been eight days ago. No further training sessions had occurred since and none of the team seemed willing to discuss the case.
Distracted by their studies, perhaps. There were the exams to consider. With the exception of Amagi-senpai and Seta-san, the academic performances of Naoto's schoolmates ranged from mediocre to disastrous - which had been the impetus behind her offer of assistance to Rise-san and Kanji-kun. Seta-san had mentioned that neither were sufficiently devoted to their studies. Naoto had consequently anticipated some resistance, perhaps even a degree of awkwardness - but there was awkwardness, and then there was hostility.
_(Nothostile-newfriends-tryharder-tryharder) _
Sukuna-Hikona, of course. Her jaw tightened._ Be quiet. And slow down when you speak. _
Her behavior had been perfectly reasonable. Perfectly. Or so she'd tried to convince herself, walking home from Junes after Kanji's departure and mentally reviewing her actions. By eight in the evening, she'd decided that her tutoring method had not been suited to the situation - and that perhaps, in a certain context, her comments could possibly be seen as ill-considered. Another hour had passed before she'd tapped out a message to Kanji and quickly hit the send button.
Naoto had been startled when he'd replied to the first. She'd waited thirty minutes before accepting the second and third had been ignored.
Sukuna-Hikona buzzed at her again: something about phrasing the apology incorrectly, perhaps, or that the timing had been wrong, or that Kanji had simply been sidetracked. A rapid-fire barrage of explanations and justifications, the Persona unable to finish one before switching to another.
_I don't know the rules_, Naoto finally pointed out. Without that knowledge, any theory was mere conjecture.
The buzzing stopped.
It wasn't her fault. She'd _tried_. There had been no obligation for her to assist them to begin with, or even to offer, and if Kanji, or Rise, or the entire team were unable to accept her as she was – if Naoto was expected to reshape herself to fit others – then seeking their company was pointless. Needless. She would establish the alliance she'd originally planned: one that was practical, unambiguous, and purely professional.
In the cauterizing light of day, Naoto wondered how she'd ever believed that possible.
She swallowed, her steps quickening, and continued pacing the first-floor corridor. She'd expected too much. Expected others to prove rational. Which they never had and never would. But there had been nothing rational in losing her temper with Rise, or in implying Kanji was--
Head tilted down, Naoto had almost reached the door of the Practice Building when she slammed into something large, warm, and dressed in a Yasogami High uniform. She yelped, staggered backwards, glanced up - and met the gaze of a bemused-looking Souji Seta.
"Alright there, Naoto-kun?" he asked, hand outstretched.
She didn't take it, preferring to flail briefly with one arm until she righted herself. The girl standing next to Seta - an immaculately groomed blonde whom Naoto hadn't met but had seen hanging around the school gate - rolled her eyes.
"I-I apologize, Senpai. Are you injured?" Of course he wasn't. He'd barely have flinched.
"Nope. Don't worry about it. By the way, I heard you and Rise made up?"
How had he even heard about the disagreement? Had Kanji told him? Or Rise herself?
"No, I, I--" Naoto managed, without much idea of what she actually wanted to say.
Seta, meanwhile, smiled in a way that left her feeling both absurdly proud and approximately ten centimeters tall. "Glad to hear it."
The sentiment soon dissipated. His praise was undeserved. "I didn't--Kanji-kun, he's--"
"Through the door, in the Practice Building." Seta tipped his thumb over his shoulder. "Very responsible of you, Naoto-kun, wanting to make up."
"B-but I wasn't--"
The blonde girl's expression had turned unsettling. "Whatever. Just watch where you're going next time - and quit staring at your feet while you're walking." She glanced down. "No way are _those_ shoes worth it." With that, she shoved past Naoto and continued down the corridor, dragging Seta by the arm behind her. He barely had time for an apologetic shrug.
Seta would have known what to say. He wouldn't have lost his temper to begin with. _What am I supposed to do_, Naoto almost called after him - and quickly clenched her teeth. Ridiculous. There was no reason why she would require help in making amends with Kanji. Assuming she needed to at all.
Carefully uncurling her fingers from their fists, she stepped forward and pushed open the door to the Practice Building.
The clubs that had convened after school were already underway, and the corridor was almost empty. Peering around the corner by the main door, Naoto could see two third year girls talking by the stairs, a second year boy sitting on the floor fiddling with a piece of wire - and one Kanji Tatsumi glaring through the window of the Home Economics room.
She stepped back. No need to make her presence known yet. Not when Kanji had barely spoken to her in days.
Exams, though. Besides, he'd seemed uncomfortable around her since their first meeting. Naoto had originally attributed it to oddness.
_(Look-at-us-look-at-us-notnormaltoo)_
As far as Naoto was concerned, the non-combat benefits of a Persona had yet to make themselves known. If Sukuna-Hikona had proven unhelpful inside the television, outside he was nothing but an irritant - particularly when he was right.
She glanced at Kanji again. He was leaning forward, shoulders hunched, with his hands shoved in his pockets.
Seta had been wrong. She deserved no credit for making amends with Rise. The situation had resolved itself - and might have done so earlier if not for her clumsy attempts to apologize. Rise had cut off the fourth effort after the first choked-out half-sentence with a quicksilver smile and an immediate segue into gossiping about Seta. Naoto hadn't pushed the issue. Endangering the sudden ceasefire had seemed unwise when all her other attempts at reconciliation had somehow ended with Rise storming away down the corridor.
But Kanji was a different matter. No response to her first apology, but no overt antagonism. Naoto, accustomed to the definite, couldn't determine whether a problem existed, much less the best action to correct it.
_I don't know the rules._
Kanji's gaze was still firmly on the window. He hadn't noticed her. She could leave. But the responsible thing to do - the _adult_ thing to do - would be to repair matters. Any animosity between them could jeopardize both the team's safety and the outcome of the entire case. The thought had left Naoto in a quiet, low-level state of dread for the past few days, for multiple reasons.
She took a deep breath, then stepped forward. "Good afternoon, Kanji-kun."
Kanji swung round, wide-eyed. It took several seconds for his expression to settle and his fists to uncurl. "Uh. Naoto. S'up."
Lacking any frame of reference, Naoto had mimicked Rise in calling him _Kanji-kun_._ Naoto__-kun_, implying one thing she hated and another she still half-wished for, had never felt correct - yet applying the diminutive to Kanji seemed natural. But she'd never actually _asked_, and it occurred to her now that perhaps she'd overstepped the mark. Perhaps that had contributed to the problem. If there was one.
"Nothing is up. I simply--" She hesitated, swallowing. "I was wondering, Tatsumi. Is everything all right?"
Kanji frowned.
This was not going well.
She switched tacks. He had been observing the Home Economics classroom. Therefore, something inside intrigued him. Naoto was barely tall enough to see through the window, but she'd memorized the school schedule. "Are you interested in sewing cl--"
"No!" Kanji snapped. "That's--I-I'm not hurtin' nobody, okay?"
_Double negative_, she almost replied. She bit her lip instead, one hand gripping the brim of her cap.
The conversation had been a mistake. Attempting to build a rapport had been an even greater one. Naoto had learned at an early age that brilliance was far more useful than companionship, and reached the only logical conclusion: that she had no need for anyone. Extrapolate from there, and joining the team had clearly been her biggest mistake of all.
Glancing up at Kanji, she realized that conviction and desperation were often difficult to distinguish.
He'd turned back to the window, one hand rubbing the back of his neck. "L-look, there somethin' up or, or what?"
The same question she'd asked originally. She was the one who had caused offence. Kanji was the one who was supposed to be upset. Naoto stared at him, mind casting around for an appropriate response.
Tomorrow was the final day of exams.
She clasped her hands behind her back. "Your mathematics and world history exams are tomorrow. Do you intend to study more?"
He frowned again. "Uh… I-I guess so. Like it'll help," Naoto heard him add under his breath.
"I. I am free this afternoon."
Kanji stared at her. The silence was tangible.
"The exams," Naoto tried. "I could help you to study."
"Uh. Right. Study." Kanji's tone was utterly flat, his cheeks flushed. Clearly he'd remembered their previous attempt. She turned away, feeling wary, guilty and indignant all at once, and decided that this had been far easier in the abstract. Most things were.
A sharp, discomfiting heat prickled over her cheeks. "I-I understand my last attempt at tutoring was--but I'm--" _Trying to fix things_, she almost finished, instead clenching her jaw and taking another deep breath. "I'm sorry. I spoke without thinking. I've never considered you stupid."
"B-but you already--you said sorry for that before," Kanji said, shrugging aggressively. "S'alright, y'know?"
Naoto, briefly astonished by a rush of irrational relief, nodded mutely. For a moment, she considered asking why he hadn't formally accepted her apology, but the urge was quickly suppressed. There was obviously some cue she'd missed.
"Yes. It is," she managed. "So. Studying."
"Uh...yeah. I-I don't think it'll help."
Sukuna-Hikona's buzzing sounded almost comforting. Naoto swallowed again. "Of course. I understand. I apologize for bothering you, Tatsumi."
"No, no!" Kanji's hand came dangerously close to grabbing her shoulder, but he jerked back before she had chance to protest. "Y-you--I, I mean--s'worth a try, right?"
With Kanji, everything appeared to be a question. "Yes. We can start now. According to today's schedule, classroom 1-1 isn't in use."
"Yeah. S-sounds good." He gave a brief, slightly awkward smile.
Kanji was awkward all round, really.
She pushed her questions aside. Priorities. "I'll be more thorough in my explanations this time," she promised.
"Great. Awesome." He paused, head turned away. "And, and it--Kanji-kun, yeah? N-not Tatsumi."
With a tug at her coat collar - her neck felt unusually warm - Naoto nodded, and said nothing.
20. Chapter 16
_A/N: Story so far: With a little prompting from Souji, Naoto learned to meet Kanji halfway- albeit with an apology he didn't think he needed._
_In this part: Yosuke's a future Risetteer, Teddie gains a new admirer, and Kanji makes a fuzzy confession.
_
* * *
**October 21st, 2011**
"You know, I didn't think it was possible to do worse than last time," Yosuke lamented, perched on the edge of Kanji's desk. "Maybe I deserve a medal."
"Should go ask Senpai." Kanji didn't add that he might've done better than usual in this set of exams, since it wouldn't be saying much and he didn't know for sure. He'd definitely spent less time staring at a blank piece of paper, though. Studying had suddenly seemed a lot more important when he'd remembered Naoto would be able to see his grades on the school notice-board.
"Yeah, that'll work. I'll get one of those _Talks _again. Like the case isn't more important than stupid exams! Dunno how Souji expects us to get good grades when we're jumping in and out the TV."
Yukiko - who'd probably be top in her year again, or at worst second to Souji - looked up, frowning in thought. "But the last time we went inside was two weeks ago. I thought there was plenty of time to study."
Kanji winced, while Yosuke folded his arms and sighed.
People like Yukiko probably didn't need to study at all. If she did, Kanji definitely couldn't imagine her fidgeting at a desk while muttering curses at her textbooks - which was what he'd done for the whole exam period, so he'd been lucky Naoto had helped him out a second time. He hadn't expected much after the first, but it'd turned out really useful once he'd stopped panicking over looking stupid. Everything sounded more interesting when Naoto said it. So interesting he hadn't always heard the actual words, but at least he'd only caught her frowning at him twice. Next set of exams, maybe he could-
"I don't care about grades anyway!" snapped a voice from the corridor. Chie and Rise swept into the classroom a moment later: the first looking miserable, the second mid-rant. "They never mattered before! The studio hired a tutor and he just gave me top marks on everything."
"Let me guess," Yosuke said. "You guys bombed out too?"
Chie nodded glumly and turned to Yukiko. "I really tried, I promise! That stupid stuff about space mountains threw me off completely. My scores are gonna be awful."
Yukiko nodded back in sympathy. Rise, meanwhile, threw up her hands. "Music classes should be the only ones I take. No - I shouldn't have to take _any_! I already said I'm just gonna get translators and accountants and whatever."
"Like y'get people to write your songs?" Kanji asked, and grunted when she smacked him on the shoulder.
"That's all gonna change when I go back, Kanji-kun." It sounded like a threat. "Senpai already said he thinks I'll do great."
Senpai was one heck of a liar. Rise had already played Kanji one of her new compositions, insisting it was the first step on the road to a new, independent Risette. Afterward, she'd also insisted that he shut up and stop being so _mean_, the song was amazing and it only sounded bad because she hadn't practiced piano much. "Guess Senpai knows best," he mumbled, leaning back in his chair.
"Yeah, but some of us aren't idols. Meaning some of us are gonna end up working at Junes until we're ninety." Yosuke kicked Kanji's desk for emphasis. "Setting up Risette displays in the music department year after year, longing for my lost youth."
Rise winked. "Don't worry, I'll send you a signed poster. 'To Yosuke-senpai: make my displays look great or I'll make Kanji beat you up. Love, Risette'."
"Go beat him up yourself," Kanji told her, and tried not to scowl when she giggled and ruffled his hair.
* * *
The letter didn't look like anything special. Just a white piece of paper, one sentence printed on it in plain black letters: _dont rescue anymore._
Peering over Souji's shoulder, Kanji frowned. "Ain't this just a prank? The kinda stuff that only happens in the movies?" He was surprised whoever sent it hadn't cut the letters out of a book or newspaper. Typing it out on a computer was plain dull.
"I'm pretty sure whoever sent this is serious." Souji refolded the letter and slipped it into his pocket. "Maybe I should tell my uncle."
"Senpai, Dojima-san is trustworthy, but it would be best to keep this to ourselves." Whenever they discussed the case, Naoto dropped her pitch back to its old level. Her boy voice, Kanji called it. "If he were to put you under surveillance, our hands would be tied."
Chie winced. "No kidding. We'd be stuck."
"Besides, if this letter is real," Naoto continued, forehead creased in thought, "what's most important isn't what it says. The envelope was addressed directly to Seta-senpai and delivered by hand to the Dojima residence, home of one of the lead police detectives investigating the case. The text itself is a straightforward warning - but the subtext expresses that the culprit knows who has been interfering with his crimes, and his confidence that we cannot use it to pinpoint his identity."
Man, that was a lot of words. She might not say much about anything else, but when it came to work Naoto could out-talk Rise.
"Knew there was a reason we kept you around," Souji said, and smiled at her.
Kanji really should've been thinking about the letter. Senpai had called them up to the school roof to talk about it, so it had to be major. Unfortunately, doing what he was supposed to had never come easy, especially around Naoto, who he swore had turned a little pink - and who was now glancing sideways at Souji.
Dammit.
"What about…ah, you know, the stuff they do on TV shows." Yosuke held up his palm, waving his fingers. "Getting the paper checked for fingerprints, DNA, that kinda thing?"
"Naoto-kun and I talked about that before the rest of you got here. Unfortunately, I got my own prints all over the letter last night before I knew what it was." Souji grimaced and shook his head. "I should've suspected something when there wasn't a stamp on the envelope."
"You could hardly be expected to do otherwise," Naoto said, quick and firm. Her gaze dropped. "In any case, I no longer have access to the police station crime lab to request testing. And I suspect our culprit has been careful to cover his tracks, or his confidence would be misplaced."
"It already is!" Kanji snapped, punching one fist against his other hand. No point getting all miserable over something they couldn't change, right? "We're gonna beat that asshole down, no worries."
Naoto glanced at him, one eyebrow raised, mouth quirking into what might've been a sort-of-smile. Or possibly that flat look again, the one where her mouth went all thin - but he hoped it was the smile. Souji might be able to talk smart with her and make her blush, but only Kanji was dumb enough to make her look at him like that.
…Crap, he'd zoned out. Yukiko was already midway through a sentence. "…and it's too specific," she was saying. "But how could the killer know so much about us?"
"Teddie's been saying for a while that when we're over there, he senses someone watching us," Yosuke said - then his eyes widened. "Wait. Every time we went to the other side to rescue someone, did we end up on the Midnight Channel ourselves?"
Rise cringed. "Oh man, I really hope not! Bad enough everyone saw me like-you know, like _that_."
Everyone grimaced - except Souji and Naoto, who opened her mouth like she wanted to ask a question, then closed it again and stared at the fence around the roof.
"I haven't heard any rumors about us at school, though." Chie shifted against the ledge and shrugged. "Even the people who I know check the channel haven't said anything. The only gossip I heard was about the people who disappeared."
"Same here," said Souji.
"And that's our two social butterflies out." Yosuke let out a long breath. "We don't even know how that place works, anyway. Even if people are watching, they might not be able to see us there."
Kanji glanced back at Naoto. She was frowning, her knuckles pressed to her lips. "That matter is not a priority at present. There's too little data to go on. It's imperative we keep in mind that the culprit knows who we are." Her hand dropped to her side. "…That will have to be enough for now."
The killer must've sent the letter to throw them off balance. Make out things were reversed, so they'd be busier worrying about themselves than trying to catch him. "Thass right," Kanji agreed. "I mean, freaking out over this crap, that's just what the killer wants us to do, right?"
Souji nodded firmly. "We'll have to wait till the situation changes."
The group fell silent, all of them deep in thought. Naoto didn't look happy. She never really did, but right now, her expression was - Kanji wasn't sure. Uncomfortable, maybe.
"Mind if I change the subject then?" Chie piped up, breaking the silence. "Something a lot more fun. The culture festival's just around the corner - anyone know what our class is doing?"
Souji shrugged. "Aren't they still gathering ideas?"
"Huh. Are they now?" His head tipped back against the fence, Yosuke's thoughtful expression quickly turned horribly smug.
"I know that look," Chie said, cringing. "Yosuke just got hit with a bolt of inspiration - and whatever it is, it'll be out there. I'd bet my lunch on it."
"Must be serious then," he shot back and dodged the fist she aimed at his stomach. "Don't worry, Satonaka, it's a great idea. You'll love it." He glanced at each of the underclassmen in turn. "What about you guys? You're all in different classes."
Kanji shrugged. "Dunno what mine's doing. Not interested in that stuff." For all he knew, they'd voted to jump off the roof. Still wouldn't make a difference - no school event could be anything but dull.
"I, um-I haven't really paid attention," Naoto answered, a little stiffly. "But obviously we have far more pressing concerns and-"
The sentence was lost in Rise's sudden giggle and Souji's yelp as she latched onto his arm. "Senpai, have you decided who you'll be going around the campus with during the festival?" she trilled, smiling her stadium smile. "My schedule's still wide open, you lucky guy!"
"Figures." Chie rolled her eyes. "Quiet the whole time, just waiting for her chance!"
Souji glanced down at Rise's arm, still locked in a death-grip around his. "Guess you'd better pencil me in, then."
* * *
**October 22nd, 2011
**
Rain hammered against the window all through Geography class, leaving Kanji feeling itchy and off-balance no matter how many times he reminded himself there was nobody to rescue. As bad as it sounded, he almost wished there was. At least he'd have an excuse to smack some Shadows around and blow off steam. Sewing helped, but there were only so many stuffed animals you could fit on one shelf and he'd used up all his bobble eyes and plastic noses on the bunnies last night. And if somebody got thrown in then they'd know what to do next, rather than waiting for the killer to make a move and knowing he was out there laughing at them the whole time.
Kanji blamed this restlessness for what happened after school, when he walked to his locker, realized he'd left his umbrella at home and swore loud enough to scatter a group of terrified fellow first-years. Wasn't bad stress relief, but it didn't solve the problem of him getting drenched on the way home. It also startled Naoto, who was standing nearby pulling envelopes out of her locker.
"Is something wrong, Kanji-kun?" she asked, eyebrows raised.
She didn't scold him for mouthing off - but maybe that was _bad_, maybe she figured he was just some punk and she shouldn't expect any better and-
"Kanji-kun?" Naoto stepped closer, peering up at him with wide blue-grey eyes and a slight frown.
He swallowed and glanced away. Damn, those eyes got him every time. "Uh. No. Sorry. What're all those envelopes?"
Her expression darkened. "Letters."
Well, yeah, that was obvious. Kanji was quickly figuring out that with Naoto, you had to get specific. He was about to ask if they were work letters – crap, what if she had to leave Inaba and go work somewhere else? - when he noticed the heart stickers. The pink and purple envelopes, too. "Oh. They-they're-"
"Letters of affection," Naoto quickly finished, stumbling a little on the last word. A few of the envelopes fell to the floor.
Man, people were still leaving those? Girls had started putting them in her locker only a few days after she started school. Rise had even claimed to see a few boys - then refused to tell Kanji who they were, even though he'd seriously just wanted to help Naoto out by gently suggesting they never, ever do it again.
He grabbed the letters from the floor and held them out. "You lost some."
"Ah. Thank you." Naoto nodded toward the trashcan by the main door. "Please dispose of them there."
"Y-you don't read 'em?"
Already halfway to the trashcan, she swiveled round and shot Kanji a glare. "Absolutely not. I have no interest in entanglements," she added, like the word was stuck to the roof of her mouth. "There are far more pressing matters than professions from people who know nothing about me."
_I know stuff about you_, Kanji almost blurted out. They'd talked, sort of. He'd been to her apartment too. Hell, he'd carried her there and put up with her being a complete pain in the ass the whole way - right after he helped save her life when she tried throwing it away just to prove a point. Most importantly of all, he'd seen her Shadow, so he knew that _entanglements_ part was complete crap.
Thing was, none of it mattered. If he wrote her a letter it'd still end up like the rest. Crushing on someone who probably didn't like you was bad enough; it was even worse when they refused to like anybody at all.
"I thought all this would stop once people knew," Naoto muttered, as she took the last few envelopes from his hand and dropped them in the trash.
The answer came on reflex. "They like you no matter what, it don't make no difference."
Naoto stared up at him again, eyes narrowed with suspicion.
Whoa. Kanji really, really hadn't meant to say that out loud. At least he'd stopped before adding _and I don't care either._ But he honestly didn't, even if Rise or Yosuke or whoever thought he should and even though it seemed kind of weird. They'd never get anywhere, but maybe all those girls had still been onto something when they'd decided to keep chasing Naoto - who was still staring at him. Glaring, almost.
"How could it not?" she muttered.
He swallowed again, hoping his face wouldn't catch fire. "You're-you're still you."
"Do you truly believe-" Naoto stopped short and shook her head. "These, these-admirers. They're delusional."
A heavy silence fell; the really uncomfortable sort that Kanji wanted to fill with something big and important but always spent staring dumbly while trying not to panic. Long moments later, Naoto tipped down her cap and marched stiffly back to her locker.
None of it made sense. Maybe she wanted everyone to treat her differently now they knew - except she looked and talked and acted like she had before. Okay, she didn't force her voice quite as low and she let people call her a girl, but what else had changed? Kanji didn't understand and decided he probably never would, which meant he needed to split before he said something stupid. "The shop. I-I gotta go," he stammered, turning to leave.
"Kanji-kun, wait."
He could pretend he hadn't heard. He was already two strides from the door and Naoto's legs were way too short for her to catch him up.
...Shit, this was stupid. Beating down weird-ass monsters that looked like they'd crawled out a horror movie didn't phase him. Neither did summoning his own, or getting hit by fireballs or sliced at with swords or any of that stuff - and he still didn't have the guts to face someone whose head didn't even reach his chin? No way. He might never work up the courage to tell Naoto what was up, but running away from her was just pathetic.
He turned around. "S'up?" he managed, his voice hitting its highest pitch since age twelve.
Naoto gestured toward the glass doors. "It's raining. Where is your umbrella?"
"Uh, yeah. F-forgot it this mornin'." He shrugged. "I-I'll just run home, ain't a problem."
She paused for a moment, chewing on her bottom lip - then reached into her locker and pulled out a clear plastic umbrella. "I have one," she said, holding it out as proof.
Kanji forced a smile. "Great! Stay dry."
Naoto stared at him. The umbrella remained held out, pointy end dangerously close to his neck.
Wait a sec. Was she saying-dammit, what sort of jerk did she think he was? "No way! I ain't taking it from you, you'll get-"
"I wasn't proposing you _take_ it. I pass near the shopping district on my way home."
"Oh." Deflated, Kanji fell back into confusion. "Y-you don't hafta-I'll be fine, no worries."
Naoto shook her head. "The detour from my normal route will be minor. It isn't a big deal." Then she hesitated, like she was trying to figure something out, and her shoulders tensed. "But if you don't wish to, that's-"
"No! I mean, yeah, I do. Wish to." Kanji flapped an arm at where he remembered the door being. "L-let's go, yeah?"
* * *
The walk home – not _together_, Kanji firmly reminded himself, just close enough to stay dry and in the same general direction – was both nerve-wracking and completely awesome. It was also short, which was probably for the best since Naoto insisted on holding the umbrella. Within five minutes of leaving school, Kanji's back had started aching and he'd become convinced Naoto's arm would drop off from being stretched out so far above her head. Not that he mentioned it. He didn't say much at all, in fact, because everything he came up with sounded stupid and Naoto didn't seem interested in conversation.
She walked him all the way to the store, though. Wouldn't hear otherwise, even after he insisted that he'd be just fine running up the street, seriously, wasn't like he'd drown. Naoto just shook her head and said that was irrational (and, after the third time he tried convincing her to leave, that he was too). Kanji gave up and stayed quietly hunched over until they reached the textiles shop - where he stood now, staring at Naoto and wondering whether he should invite her in, just say thanks, or run and hide in the stockroom.
Ma always liked people coming by. Used to dote on Naoki. And she'd met Naoto before.
Kanji swallowed. "Uh... do, do you-see, my ma, she-and I-" Unfortunately, he'd just blown what little Naoto-related courage he had on walking home next to her (not together, definitely not together). "I-I'll see you tomorrow," he choked out.
"Ah. Yes, tomorrow." Naoto nodded. "Goodbye, Kanji-kun."
He mumbled something close to a farewell and stepped out from under the umbrella, allowing Naoto to lower her arm and wince. She walked away without another word, and didn't look back the whole way through the shopping district. Honestly, Kanji was grateful. Naoto liked things that made sense, and him standing in the rain watching her leave definitely didn't.
Shaking his head and trying not to drip on the front step, he pushed open the shop door. "Yo, Ma, I'm home!"
"That's nice, but is Nao-chan coming in?"
Kanji stopped mid-stride. Teddie was perched on the edge of the counter next to the cash register, wearing a bright smile and a yellow scarf that totally clashed with his hair. "The hell you doin' here?"
"Kanji-chan, please don't shout at your friends," Ma called from the back of the shop.
Teddie gave a reproving nod. "You should listen to your mother."
"Oh, he rarely does." Ma appeared in the rear doorway, arms wrapped around a wide roll of screen-printed cotton. "He could learn a lot from you, Teddie."
"You don't know him," Kanji muttered, grabbing the roll and resisting the urge to beat it against Teddie's head.
"We're friends now," Teddie pointed out. "Tatsumi-san let me stay here so I wouldn't get wet. She's so nice!"
He was a terrible son. He hadn't warned Ma about Teddie. The bear had probably _sparkled_ at her, dammit, and now she was smiling at him and letting him camp out in the frickin' shop. "Such a pleasant young man! I never expected an exchange student to fit in so quickly." She leaned closer to him, and Kanji's world went dark at the edges. "You're a credit to your country, dear."
"And Kanji-chan's a bear-y lucky boy," Teddie said. "Especially since he got to walk home with Nao-chan too."
Wait, how the hell had he seen that? "Dammit, you spyin' on me? It-it ain't-" He was going to finish with _what you think at all_, except he had walked home with Naoto. Or beside her. Near her. Close enough to bump shoulders once, which had been really awkward and also sent Naoto stumbling two steps to the side. But yeah, they'd walked; couldn't deny that. However, since Teddie counted Yukiko helping him up in battle one time as a confession of undying love, chances were he really _had_ gotten the wrong idea. Or the right idea, maybe, if only Kanji had the guts to-
He gave up and settled for the easiest response. "Shut it, Ted."
Ma tipped her head. "Nao-chan? Is she a friend from school?" She frowned. "I remember a Naoto – lovely boy, so well dressed! – but not a Nao-chan."
"See, that's a funny story," Teddie began, before Kanji lunged over the counter and grabbed his scarf.
"I said shut it!" he snapped. "C'mon, we're goin' to Junes!"
"Don't be silly, Kanji-chan," Ma clucked, tapping his hand away. "You'll get drenched. Besides, Teddie's shirt looks very delicate." She sighed. "Junes really don't make anything to last, do they?
"But Ma-"
She shook her head and waved toward the rear doorway. "Take your friend to the living room, Kanji-chan. You can entertain yourselves until the rain eases off."
It wasn't worth arguing. Once Ma decided something, she'd shoot down any protest without blinking and so politely you almost wouldn't mind. With a low growl, Kanji grabbed Teddie's arm and pulled him toward the doorway. "C'mon, you. Stop clutterin' up the shop."
"Thank you, Tatsumi-san!" Teddie chirped as they left.
"It was lovely meeting you, dear," Ma replied.
"Should throw you outside," Kanji muttered, inspecting the air for glittering lights. He kept checking all the way to the living room, where - satisfied that the space around Teddie remained twinkle-free - he flopped down on the sofa and scowled. "Sparkle at my ma and you're goin' through a wall."
Teddie looked hurt. "But she's so kind! She even let me pick out a scarf to keep." He waggled one end, the yellow tassels falling over his fingers and still clashing with his hair. Kanji vowed to swap it for a nice marine blue when he wasn't looking.
"Why're you here, anyway?" he asked, slumping against the cushions. "Ain't Yosuke gonna be looking for you?"
"Probably. This is more important, though." Teddie lowered his voice to something that still wasn't anywhere near a whisper. "I'm getting ready for the culture festival."
"That ain't for another week. And you don't even go to school."
Teddie shot his hand in the air and dramatically pointed a finger at the ceiling. "But! Chie-chan, Yuki-chan, Rise-chan and Nao-chan will all need a charming, dashing young stud to escort them around the many cultural wonders. Which would be me!" He sighed, arm still raised. "I wanted to ask Rise-chan first, but she wasn't at the tofu shop and then it started raining. So I came here instead."
"Rise's out with Senpai today. Not that you stood a chance t'start with." Kanji had heard Rise do enough squealing about how amazing Senpai was to know she only had eyes for one guy, regardless of whether said guy had actually noticed. _And don't you know how __that__ feels_, he thought, stretching his legs out against the floor and staring glumly at his feet.
A blond head appeared at the edge of his vision. "If you're jealous, Kanji-chan, Teddie can show you around too. As long as you don't scare off the girls or touch my fur."
Kanji wasn't sure which was worse: that he'd been interested until that last qualifier (nothing on the planet looked as soft and fuzzy), or that the girls could go feel up Teddie's fur any time they liked (if they were willing to risk it being reciprocated). Then he thought of something even more terrible: Naoto doing just that at the festival if Teddie asked her.
...Like that'd happen. She'd just shoot him. Then she'd spend the day with Senpai instead, provided Rise didn't beat her to death with a poster board.
"Or maybe you can ask Nao-chan to escort you! She'll probably say no after she sees me, but I'll do my best not to be so devastatingly handsome," Teddie promised, jumping onto the sofa and sprawling over an armrest. "Rise-chan says you want to score with her so bad it's going to kill you and I'd feel bear-y bad if that happened."
Kanji threw the TV remote at him. "Shut up and find a show to watch, alright?"
* * *
**October 23rd, 2011**
The kid looked up at him, all wide brown eyes and scruffy dark hair. "Did you bring it, Mister?"
Takeshi Nakagawa, he'd said his name was. Kanji remembered seeing the name in the shop's record book: three addresses, four different customers. Common name, but maybe the kid was from one of the families; Ma would know for sure. "I told you, I ain't a Mister - and yeah, I brought it," he muttered, glancing quickly around the hilltop. He'd already checked the pagoda three times in case someone was hiding there. Looked under the bench and everything. Shit, this had seemed a lot less stupid with Senpai standing next to him. "N-no complaining, okay?"
Takeshi nodded fiercely. With a final unhappy sigh, Kanji unzipped the bag and pulled out a yellow bunny. "Here," he mumbled, and pushed it into the kid's hands.
Kanji wasn't one to brag, but he'd definitely done good work. Copied everything Takeshi could remember about the one he'd lost in the river, right down to the sunflower yellow fur and dark pink rabbit nose.
"It's got an umbrella?" Takeshi's eyes were even wider. "Sana-chan's didn't."
Okay, he might've added a few extras. Couldn't leave the thing without an outfit and umbrellas had been on his mind. "Look, if it ain't good enough, then-"
"No, no! It's amazing!" Takeshi insisted, tilting the doll round in his hands and lifting up its straw hat. "Where'd you get it?"
"Wh-who cares?" Kanji tried his best not to roar. "Why's it matter anyway?"
Takeshi stood on tiptoes and waved the bunny at Kanji's chin. "Because I want one too!"
"Uh. Y-you do?" Man, he hadn't been expecting the kid to _ask_ for one. "W-well, I got one for you, so stop askin' questions, yeah?"
Out of the bag came the second bunny, the pink one with the soccer ball. Putting the studs on its boots had taken a whole hour, but if you gave a fuzzy animal a ball then you had to make sure it could play. Takeshi's face lit up. "Oh, wow, thanks! It's awesome! But where'd you get them?"
There were two ways to answer that question: lie his head off and say he got them at Junes, or fess up and have a five-year-old think he was the world's biggest pansy.
Kanji paused.
Screw it. Like he cared what some brat thought. "…I-I made them."
Takeshi stared at him.
"Why're you-dammit, there some sorta problem with that? If y'think it's creepy then give 'em-"
"Mister, you're so cool!" The kid bounced on the spot, eyes now wide as plates and filled with the sort of awe you saved for somebody who'd just punched out a T-Rex. "Can you make other stuff too? Like other animals, or, or people? My mom, could you make one for her?"
Kanji had been trying to answer him since the first question (of _course_ he could, anything you named). "S-sure," he finally got out, when Takeshi took a breath.
"Okay! I can come back and see you, right? Once I figure out what she wants?"
He nodded dumbly.
"Thanks, Mister! I'm gonna go give this to Sana-chan." Takeshi headed back down the path at high speed, stopping when he reached the tree at the edge of the hill. "Remember, you promised!" he called.
Speaking was still a challenge. Kanji just nodded again and waved goodbye.
Takeshi had said he was _cool_. Specifically, that he was cool because he made bunnies. Not despite, _because_. Kid was probably just being nice, but he figured today was turning out well after all - until Naoto stepped out from behind the tree and everything went horrible again.
"Kanji-kun," she said, like the ringing of a death knell. "Please explain what just transpired."
Mid-catastrophe, Kanji somehow managed to speak. "N-N-Naoto! S'up?"
"Nothing is up. Why were you speaking with that boy?"
"No reason! N-no reason at all. S'all good, just great."
"Why were you speaking with that boy?" she repeated.
Excuses flitted through Kanji's mind_. He's my long-lost cousin. He left his dumb toys at the shop. I'm teaching him how to beat up biker gangs. _He'd never been good under pressure.
"You took two items from your bag and gave them to him. They were brightly colored." Naoto clasped her hands behind her back. "Toy bears, I believe."
Bears? Was she blind? "Dammit, they weren't bears, they-wait, you were spying on me?"
She glared and turned a guilty pink. "Of course not. I was merely _observing."_
"From behind a tree?" Kanji snapped. Naoto opened her mouth but apparently hadn't put words in it first, so he kept going. "And, and how'd you even know I was here? You following me?"
"No! I-I simply happened to be-do _not_ deflect the question, Kanji-kun. Why did you give toy bears to that boy?"
In any other situation, he would've denied everything till his last breath. But this was Naoto, whom he already lied to every moment he was with her and who couldn't tell one animal from another. "Whatever. Was two bunnies. Not bears." Lovingly crafted bunnies that totally looked like they were intended to. She'd probably just been too far away to see.
She nodded. "And why were you giving them to him?"
He'd never crush on a detective again. Too many interrogations. "Nothing bad, alright? It, it's…" Kanji began, then grunted and rubbed the back of his neck. "His friend. He lost her toy bunny in the river and he was cut up about it, so I helped him out."
Naoto studied him silently.
"B-but it was all Senpai's fault. He made me do it."
Naoto stared some more. Kanji began to feel sick.
"Fine! It, it was my stupid idea, alright?" he snapped, jabbing his thumb toward his chest. "Senpai, he just backed me up an' helped me work up the guts to do it, no matter how dumb it was, so stop frickin' staring at me!"
He hadn't meant to freak out like that, but at least it made Naoto's expression change. Now she looked irritated instead of blank. It was still an improvement.
"I wasn't staring," she said flatly. "I was waiting for you to finish."
"Oh. _Oh_." Anger fled in an instant, replaced with the realization that he'd just yelled at her over nothing. "S-sorry, man. Didn't mean to get riled up."
She looked up at him, head tipped slightly to one side. "The dolls. Do you have any more?"
The dumb thing was, he did. After the first one, he'd figured: hell, why not make a second for Takeshi? Might make him feel better over losing his friend's toy. And if he was going to make a second, he might as well make a third, just in case it turned out the kid hated soccer. He sighed. "Y-yeah. One. B-but I ain't-"
"May I see it?"
Kanji stared down at Naoto - steel grey-blue eyes, intent expression, like he was some big mystery - and felt his stomach jump. How was he supposed to say no? Willing his hand not to shake, he reached inside his bag and pulled out the final bunny: pale blue, extra fuzzy, and holding a paintbrush. "There," he mumbled, shoving it toward her.
Naoto leaned closer to inspect the doll – gaze traveling over the little felt beret, the fine hairs on the brush and the paint-splattered shirt.
"It's very elaborate," she said at last. "Who made it?"
Telling the kid had been terrifying enough. Telling Naoto would be far worse. She was smart, tough and no-nonsense, which were all things Kanji desperately wanted her to think he was too, and none of which matched up with sewing stupid dolls.
But Souji already knew and hadn't spilled it. Naoto could be trusted too, right? And since she never laughed at anything, Kanji was fairly certain she wouldn't start with him. "I-I did. I made 'em," he stammered.
She glanced up at him, eyebrows raised. "Oh."
"Whassat mean?" he snapped, jerking his hand away and stuffing the doll back in the bag. "You got a problem with it?"
"No. Why would I?"
"You, you said 'oh'. And y-you know." He gestured at himself, then at the hidden bunny. "Because."
Naoto followed his movements, looking from his face to the bag and back again. Then she shook her head. "I'm afraid I don't understand."
_I'M A GUY WHO SEWS BUNNIES WITH BERETS,_ Kanji wanted to scream. "Whatever," he muttered. "Just don't tell nobody, yeah?" He paused. "Uh. Anybody, I mean. Don't tell anybody."
Naoto nodded her head with crisp approval. "Correct. And I won't."
"Th-thanks. And, uh, definitely don't mention it to Rise. Can't keep secrets." Rise wouldn't be the real problem, of course; she'd just tease him for a week or so. Yosuke would keep the joke running for a million years. But Naoto hadn't joked at all, or any of the other reactions Kanji had imagined. She hadn't said all the good stuff that Senpai did, but she knew now and she hadn't laughed and she'd promised not to tell anyone else.
He didn't realize he was smiling until Naoto asked him what was wrong. He quickly changed topics. "So, uh, why're you here?"
Guilt flashed across her face. "Walking."
"And then you hid behind a tree?"
"Yes."
Yosuke had been right. Naoto really was a genius at killing conversations - and Kanji wasn't much good at rescuing them. The two of them stood there in awkward silence for what felt like hours; Naoto staring out over the town, and Kanji glancing between her and the nearest tree.
Surprisingly, she was the first to speak. "After school. I don't-I, I often go to the food court. Occasionally I come here, as I did today." Her gaze remained fixed on the area beyond the fence. "I saw you waiting and didn't wish to bother you, but then that boy arrived, so I decided I would..."
"Spy on me?" he filled in.
As usual, straightening her back and squaring her shoulders made Naoto look way bigger. Kanji thought of cats again. "As I said, I was _observing_." She looked down, one hand moving to rest on her hip. "You. How do you spend your evenings?"
He blinked at her. "I-I dunno. Work in the shop. Get dragged round Junes by Rise, maybe go hang with Souji-senpai." He hesitated. "And I sew stuff."
"Yes, I suppose you must." Her shoe tapped against the ground. "And Rise-san has previously stated that you and her associate outside of school."
"Uh... I guess. Her grandma's shop ain't far and she hates walking to school by herself. Plus she's always bugging me on weekends, I think she gets bored."
Naoto nodded. "Do you spend much time with Seta-senpai?"
What was she getting at? Kanji was no social star. The only two friends he'd had as a kid were Naoki and Yukiko, and they'd drifted away after his old man had died. Hadn't been their fault; nobody wanted to be friends with somebody who kept shoving people away. "Just hang out sometimes. You, you ever talk to him?"
"Not on a personal level." She still hadn't looked back. "I understand he's close to the rest of the team."
Half of Kanji wanted to sigh with relief. The other half was too busy trying to decode Naoto's expression. "Yeah, he looks after us. Uh, listen-there something wrong?" He frowned down at her. "You okay?"
"The case. We should be focusing our energies on that, particularly now that exams are over." Her jaw tightened. "Yet we haven't entered the television in weeks or made any move to catch the killer."
"Eh, you heard Senpai. We gotta wait."
"But that's-there are _other_ things we can do. The others, even Seta-senpai-they all spend their time-" She paused and took a deep breath, the fingers on her hip clenching into a fist. "I worked on the case for the entire summer, Kanji-kun, and at no point did I distract myself with trivialities."
_And you still didn't get anywhere_, Kanji thought. "It ain't all trivial. People gotta do their own thing too, or they go nuts." Or they decided getting themselves kidnapped on purpose was the only way to go. Spend too much time thinking about one thing and it took over your life.
Even before he'd finished speaking, Naoto was already shaking her head. "I don't have that luxury. I should-_we_ should remain focused. The killer may seek out another victim, and the letter proves he knows who we are. "
"But there's other stuff. School, y'know. Home." He rolled his shoulders; the muscles were aching. "Culture festival's coming up, like Chie-senpai said."
"An irrelevant activity," Naoto muttered.
She wasn't listening. She'd already made up her mind and Kanji couldn't think of any more ways to tell her she had it all wrong. "You-you gotta talk to Souji-senpai. I can't change what we do." Didn't think they should, either. "I just hit stuff, man."
No answer. Naoto just looked up at him, this time with an expression he couldn't read at all. "Kanji-kun. Are you-" She paused for several seconds, fingers playing over the collar of her shirt. Her gaze shifted to somewhere near his elbow. "Tell me, have I caused you offense in some manner?"
Kanji frowned down at her. "Uh...what?"
"My presence seems to cause you discomfort." Naoto clasped both hands behind her back before meeting his eyes again. "I upset you previously. Was my apology inadequate?"
Wait. They'd done this part already. She'd found him outside the sewing room, he'd panicked that she'd rumbled him (like it mattered now), she'd said sorry a second time and he'd told her it was fine. Now she was verging on a third. "No, no! S'all okay, no worries." He tried what he hoped was a reassuring smile. "Think I'm gonna do better in the exams."
"Oh. Well, that's good." Naoto gave a firm nod. "I should return home. It's late."
Kanji glanced up at the sky. It'd turned a much darker blue since they'd started talking. "Guess so."
"Do you want-" For a moment, it looked like she was about to hold out her hand - but it landed on her hip instead. "Obviously you don't need an umbrella. But it would be sensible to walk together, since it's getting dark."
Kanji blinked, swallowed, and tried not to dwell on the 'together'. "Right. Yeah. Okay."
Neither spoke on the walk back down the hill, which was either really awkward or kind of comfortable. He wasn't certain. Maybe both. The silence lasted until the edge of the park, and again Naoto was the first to speak. "The stitching on the rabbit. It's very precise."
"Uh, thanks. Y-you like sewing?"
"Of course not," she quickly replied, like he'd suggested she enjoyed robbing banks and beating up cops. "But the doll was excellent. Professional." She glanced up at him, eyebrows slightly raised. "You ought to attend sewing club rather than looking through the window."
Dammit. She really had rumbled him. Served him right for hanging around gawking every time the club met. "Nah. Wouldn't work. People, you know how they are, right?" He swept his hand from his head to his waist, taking in the tattoo, the piercings, the scar, and the fact that he had at least ten centimeters on the next tallest boy in the year. "They see this, they already got an idea in their heads."
Her eyes flickered with realization. "Is that what you meant before? About having a problem with the dolls?"
"Yeah," Kanji muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets. "That's why they're a secret."
Naoto paused, gaze fixed back on the path, then shook her head. "They shouldn't be," she told him.
21. Chapter 17
_A/N: Story so far: The team mourned their grades and received a letter. Meanwhile, Kanji revealed his sewing hobby to Naoto (who showed some unfortunate stalker tendencies) and tried to keep Teddie away from his mother (who showed a fondness for sparkling exchange students)._
_In this part: CULTURE FESTIVAL CULTURE FESTIVAL CULTURE FESTIVAL_
_At least, the first section. Mostly setup, covers the sign-ups and first day. Expect three chapters and two interludes in total. As usual, there will be alterations/additions - some more major than others.
_
* * *
**October 27th, 2011**
Souji paled. "Tell me you didn't."
Yosuke just grinned.
It wouldn't last long. Chie and the others would find out he'd signed them up for the stupid pageant - probably in about fifteen seconds, with all the gossiping in the corridors - and flay him limb from limb. Then they'd start on Kanji and Souji too, just for being unlucky enough to breathe the same air. "S'finally happened," Kanji muttered, shaking his head. "You turned into Teddie."
"No way," Yosuke shot back, far too quickly and firmly for it to sound casual. "He was way more excited about this than me! I just meant it as a joke."
"Which is so much better." Elbows on his desk, Souji pressed the heels of his hands against his forehead. "Yosuke, _why_?"
"Beauty pageant, guys. _Beauty_. _Pageant_. C'mon, am I the only red-blooded male here?"
Kanji sank down in the nearest chair. No high-pitched yelling or pounding feet from the corridor yet, but it was just a matter of time. "Only one with a death wish. Y'signed up the three girls in the school who are guaranteed to kick your ass."
"Four," Yosuke corrected.
Kanji blinked.
Wait a sec.
"Three," Souji was saying, somewhere far away. "Naoto'll never do it."
Holy crap. He'd signed up _Naoto_?
"Sure she will! Rise'll make her. In fact, I guarantee Rise'll be happy I signed her up. Idols love being on stage!"
Naoto, who freaked out at people knowing her measurements and, if Rise was right, pulled some sort of arcane magic every morning to hide them. Kanji had blocked out the precise details of her theories; the nosebleed would've lasted weeks.
"So, you only need to worry about being shot, kicked in the balls and set on fire."
He'd never actually looked at the notice board, and Souji had been too busy trying to pry an explanation out of Yosuke to fill in all the details. He'd just assumed…dammit. Stupid Hanamura, stupid pageant, stupid Naoto who Kanji would have to watch stand on a stage wearing a-
"I swear, Souji. You could have the hottest girl in the world sitting in your lap and you'd start complaining your leg was asleep. You should be _thanking_ me."
…What _would_ the entrants be wearing? Dresses? Because that would be so, so weird. But also really cute. And weird.
Wait. He was a guy. Manly man. Supposed to like that crap. If he only liked Naoto in guy's clothes, then maybe all that stuff he'd refused to think about any more actually made a difference. Maybe his Shadow really _had_ been about guys and girls instead of sewing dolls and he was just-
"See, Kanji gets it! Zoned out soon as he realized he'll get to see Naoto-kun." A hand gripped his shoulder. "Though she might not be dressed as a boy this time."
"Shut it!" Kanji snapped, smacking the hand away.
"And he's back!" The smirk would've been unbearable if Yosuke hadn't also been clutching his fingers and massaging the knuckles. Served him right. "Thought we'd lost you there, Tatsumi."
"He'd be the lucky one. I can't believe you'd-" Souji stopped and shook his head. "No, I can."
Kanji scowled. "I don't give a crap about the pageant," he lied. "Just pisses me off that Senpai and I are gonna get lumped in with you."
"Ah, the girls can drop out if they hate it that much." Yosuke grinned again; Kanji couldn't decide if it looked wolfish or perverse. "And who knows, maybe some of them'll take part."
"Come back down to earth, Hanamura," muttered Souji. "Here's what's really going to happen: Chie and Yukiko are going to destroy you."
Kanji nodded grimly. "Thass right. Little bits of ya flying out the classroom windows." Five minutes with Chie and the staff would be sweeping up Yosuke-pieces for a week, provided Yukiko hadn't already Agidyned the schoolyard.
The grin didn't fade. With the unshakable confidence of someone who'd forgotten just how terrifying girls could be, Yosuke winked and gave Kanji a thumbs-up. "Trust me, it'll all be worth it."
* * *
"You better have a _damn_ good explanation for this!"
Toned muscles didn't make a person any taller - and tough as she was in a fight, Chie was still pretty small. Kanji therefore considered it even more impressive that, when sufficiently pissed off, she could scare the living shit out of him.
Yosuke clasped his hand to his chest, eyes wide with an innocence that even Teddie would've labeled unconvincing. "For what?"
"The beauty pageant, moron!" Chie edged closer, trapping him against one of the rooftop air ducts. "You signed us up without even asking!"
"Hey! Why do you automatically blame me?"
"Past experience," muttered Yukiko - who, in her own quiet, polite way, was just as terrifying as Chie. Maybe more. The two girls stepped closer as one, fists clenched, and Yosuke's wide-eyed look swerved from feigned ignorance to mild panic.
Chie was leaning forward on her tiptoes, dangerously close to his face. "You are in _so_ much trouble!"
"Whoa, whoa!" He raised his palms defensively. "I-I mean, if you don't wanna do it, just say no, right? L-like it was just a joke!"
"We wouldn't be so pissed if we could do that!"
Damn. No wonder they were mad. "You can't?" Kanji asked.
Yukiko turned to him and shook her head. "Kashiwagi-sensei's running the pageant. Once somebody's been signed up, they can't back out." Her expression turned dark. "No matter _what_."
"That's right," Rise said, with a firm nod. "Word is that the contest won't go ahead without at least three entrants - and I bet Kashiwagi's been waiting for this all year. Her name's first on the sign-up sheet, right above Ohtani."
"Seriously?" Yosuke winced and ran a hand through his hair. "Man, I didn't even read the other names…or the fine print…"
"So it _was_ you!" Chie shrieked.
"Oh crap! Listen, Chie, I-"
"Idiot! I can't believe you'd do that! Of all the stupid, selfish, immature-" Chie must've run out of adjectives, because the rest of the sentence turned into a wordless, furious growl that made Kanji think of an angry wild bear. Yukiko took over her tirade, at a volume too low for Kanji to hear but with a lot more gesturing.
Yosuke shrank back further and almost tripped over the air duct. "C'mon! I-I-don't get-"
For a fleeting moment, Kanji almost felt sorry for him. But the guy had brought on himself, and Naoto was probably just as pissed at him as Chie and Yukiko were, meaning she'd be pissed at Kanji by extension. She didn't _look_ mad - she'd been watching the argument with the sort of expression Kanji usually reserved for Tuesday morning's Physics class - but her posture was even stiffer than usual. The sole exception was her hand, which was tapping against her hip every time he glanced over.
"Hey, Senpai," Rise piped up. "Do you _want_ us to be in the pageant?"
Rise had a knack for asking questions which had no right answer. At Kanji's side, Souji took a deep breath. "Well…"
"Of course he does!" Yosuke jumped in. "Everyone knows how popular Yukiko is round here." He gestured toward Yukiko, who still looked vaguely murderous. "Amagi Challenge, right? And on top of that, we have an idol and a Detective Prince."
Naoto's hand tapped a little faster. Kanji thought he heard her _tsk_.
"And what's the point," Yosuke continued as he dodged neatly around Chie's left side, "of having a beauty pageant if all these incredible heroines aren't going to take part?"
Souji leaned toward Kanji, voice lowered to a murmur. "You were right. He really has turned into Teddie."
Chie, who'd been quietly staring at Yosuke as he spoke, kicked back into life and grabbed his sleeve. "Hey! Where do _I_ fit in?"
"Uh-you, y-you're…" he stuttered, trying to pry her fingers off his jacket while glancing frantically around the group, "you're-you know, right?"
Whether or not he honestly expected her to get it - or if there was anything to actually get - Kanji wasn't certain. What _was_ clear from Chie's expression was that Yosuke might as well have shrugged and told her he'd rather see Hanako Ohtani up there instead, because she looked primed to explode. "Well, excuse me for not fitting in, you- you _jerk_!"
Both of Yosuke's hands flew to cover his crotch. "N-no! I-it was just-hey, Kanji! You want the girls to be in it too, don'tcha?"
Two pairs of angry female eyes - plus one pair that'd been fixed on Senpai and another that made him lightheaded to look at - turned upon Kanji. He swallowed hard and summoned the quickest and easiest lie he could. "I-I ain't interested in that stuff."
Yeah, _right_. Of course he was interested; who wouldn't be? He just couldn't tell if it was a happy sort of interest or a 'this is freaking me out' one - something he would've tried to explain if it wouldn't have ended with him being shoved off the roof. "So, you-all'a you can do whatever."
With a solemn nod, Yosuke turned toward Naoto. "Naoto-kun, Kanji-kun says he _really_ wants you to be in it."
Naoto blinked at him. "Wh-what?"
Kanji felt his stomach wrench itself into a spectacular knot. "I-I-I didn't say that!"
"And Souji's just dying to see our lovely ladies up there too! Right, partner?
"I just want everyone to know," Souji said, his voice flat and his arms crossed over his chest, "that I had nothing to do with this."
"Me neither!" Kanji tried not to yell, hoping Naoto was paying attention.
"Well, if Senpai wants to see us, I guess we've gotta do it!" said Rise, with a cheerful shrug and no sign that she'd listened to the conversation. "If there are people looking forward to seeing me, I might as well put on a show for 'em. My agency doesn't need to know."
"Th-that's right! See, Risette's got the right idea!" Yosuke sounded high-pitched and slightly desperate. "Teddie can't wait either!" He paused. "Actually, I think he was more excited than anyone. He's planning on sneaking in to watch."
Sighing, Chie shoved her hands deep in her tracksuit pockets. She'd stopped threatening to beat Yosuke to death in favor of frowning at her feet; maybe his explanation had worked after all. "So, Ted's behind this too. I should've known."
"If we can't refuse, I suppose there's no sense in arguing the point." It was the first time Naoto had spoken, and she sounded a lot calmer than Kanji had expected. "But for someone like me to get up on stage…" She shook her head. "Perhaps there's a way I could take it up with the school authorities…"
Someone like her. Someone awesome?
…No, no. Someone professional, Kanji decided, someone kind of reserved - and someone who he really, really needed to be in that pageant, no matter how many tiny shards his mind would break into while watching her. "I-I don't think it's a problem at all."
He didn't realize he'd spoken out loud until Naoto stared at him.
…Screw it, no reason to stop now. Couldn't get any worse. "I-I mean, just do it, y'know? Seriously!"
"_Dude_," Yosuke said, almost admiringly. "Your blood's boiling even more than usual!"
Boiling was right. If Naoto didn't stop fricking gaping at him, Kanji would burst into flame starting with his face - though judging by the crimson creeping over hers, she might just beat him there. She stared a few moments more before swiveling away and tugging down the brim of her cap.
Rise giggled. "Silly Kanji! Just tell Naoto-kun you wanna see her on the stage." In what looked like a single motion, she skipped forward, latched one arm around Naoto's shoulders and tugged the cap up again. "She'll totally do it. Then all four of us will be in the pageant!"
"Hey, wait a minute!" Chie protested, eyes wide.
Yukiko whipped around with a look of sheer horror. "B-but we never said-Rise-chan!"
Naoto, who'd been simultaneously trying to wriggle out of Rise's grasp and make words come out when she opened her mouth, finally formed a sentence. "Wh-what are you saying!"
This. This was it. Kanji's single chance. He _needed_ her to be in this pageant. It was the best way he had of knowing for certain whether he liked Naoto not only as a boy, or as a girl who'd claimed to be one, but as herself. He cleared his throat. "Um, I beg you. P-please be in it. If you do, my-" He hesitated. "My, uh, doubts will finally be cleared."
Rise - left arm still around Naoto's shoulders and the right now holding her by the waist - winked at him. Unfortunately, Naoto just kept staring.
Figuring that he'd been pretty composed up until now, at least by his usual standards, Kanji gave up and went for gusto. "C'mon!" he yelled, fists clenched. "Make me a man!"
In his defense, it'd sounded a lot more impressive in his head.
Silence fell - or would've, if not for Naoto's quiet sound of distress and all the other students on the roof whispering as they turned to gawk at the team. Still, Kanji swore he could hear each second tick by. He also swore he heard Yosuke snicker, and vowed to beat the crap out of him when Naoto was done staring. Finally, she blinked again - twice, this time - and her expression shifted from blank to utterly confused. "Doubts? What are you talking about?"
Shit, like she hadn't figured all this out? 'Make me a man' had been his last resort; the next step was tattooing love poetry on his forehead and smacking her on the nose with a bunch of roses. "L-look, just do it, dammit! I mean, you're an ace detective, aren't ya?"
"Wh-What does that have to do with a beauty pageant!" Naoto spluttered.
Kanji had run out of both words and ideas. He glared at her, breathing hard.
Naoto glared back.
The school bell rang.
"Well, that's that!" Rise chirped, as she unwrapped herself from Naoto's shoulders. "So we're all in the pageant, right?"
"Whatever. I'm not gonna be late for class because of-just-ugh!" With one last scowl at Yosuke, Chie stormed past Kanji and grabbed Naoto's arm. "C'mon, Naoto-kun."
The team quickly dispersed: Naoto with an ineffective yelp as Chie dragged her through the stairwell door, Yukiko with a look of general confusion, and Souji with a sympathetic shake of his head. Kanji figured Rise would follow. He was sorely disappointed.
"You almost had it, Kanji-kun!" she exclaimed. "The 'make me a man' part was kinda off and I don't know _where_ you were going with that ace detective line, but the rest was great!"
"You-that-" He stopped, took a deep breath, and forced his fists to unclench. "...Damn, Rise. That was horrible even for you."
She pouted, hands on hips. "I wasn't being _horrible_! You just weren't saying what you meant."
"You gotta let me take things at my own pace!"
"I _have_ been! See, I'm going gray waiting for you!" Rise tugged at a loose curl of hair just above her ear. It looked the same reddish-brown as the rest. "Nobody wants old lady idols. Look, I gotta go to class, Kanji-kun, but you and me are gonna talk later, okay?"
It sounded like a threat. Knowing Rise, it was intended as one - and as he watched her dash off to the stairwell, Kanji shivered. No way was he going to class now. Composition sucked at the best of times, and after a lunch spent trying to spill his feelings to the most oblivious person he'd ever met, it would just be twisting the knife. He walked over to Yosuke - still standing by the AC duct and frowning at his feet - and flopped down beside him. "You goin' inside?"
"I guess." The frown deepened. "Man, I didn't think she'd be that mad."
"Who, Naoto?"
"What? No, I meant Satonaka. I seriously couldn't tell if she was about to yell at me or burst into tears." He kicked his heel against the duct, rattling it against Kanji's back. "Chie doesn't _do_ that. She must really not wanna be in the pageant."
Kanji hadn't been able to see Chie's expression that well from where he'd been standing, but she'd sounded pissed off rather than upset. He shrugged. "Sounded like you didn't think she'd fit in anyway."
"Hey, that's not what I meant! It's not like she doesn't-it's-she's just different. And she's also totally overreacting." Sighing, Yosuke pushed himself away from the duct. "But she'll get over it."
"Y'think?"
"Yeah. Chie's always pissed at me over _something_." His hand landed heavy on Kanji's shoulder. "Be grateful Naoto's not like that, dude."
* * *
**October 28th, 2011**
Revenge came swiftly, of course.
There was no way the girls would let Yosuke off the hook; Kanji had known that since first hearing about his latest poor life decision. Yukiko had even muttered something about payback on her way out the school gate last night, with a glare that sent her usual group of admirers scattering. The only person who hadn't seen the inevitable was Yosuke himself - who was spending his lunch break storming around in the first-floor corridor, ranting about how completely unfair everything was and insisting there was no way he was putting on a dress (and no, Rise, it didn't matter _how_ pretty he'd look, he didn't want to look pretty at all).
"Why wouldn't he?" Rise muttered, arms folded, after her final failed appeal to Yosuke's feminine side. She'd taken refuge in Classroom 1-3 while Souji tried to calm him down. "I don't see why Yosuke-senpai can't just have fun with this!"
Kanji didn't either. If you were stuck doing something, you might as well do it properly. Besides, he'd tailored enough dresses to know girls definitely had the edge in clothing. Wasn't like he'd be wearing anything ugly. Rise had even promised to help him with his hair and makeup, and anybody who'd worn a different hairstyle on each of her album and single covers - or at least on the twenty-six he'd counted in the Junes music department - had to know their stuff. The only real challenge would be finding an outfit at such short notice.
Well, okay. Pulling off 'pretty' might be tough too. "You sure I'll look good?"
"Of course!" Rise insisted, like helping burly guys cross-dress was scribbled somewhere in an idol's job description. "I'm an expert at this stuff, it's gonna be awesome. I can't wait to see Senpai!"
Kanji frowned. "You can't wait to see your boyfriend in a dress?"
"He isn't my _boyfriend_, Kanji-kun. Not yet, anyway," she added with a smirk. "But I'll make sure your boyfriend shows up too."
"Don't care if she does," he lied. He'd developed a knack for that lately - or so he'd thought, until Rise's short-lived smirk turned completely skeptical.
"Yeah you do! You wanna see her, and that's fine. I'd be worried if you didn't."
Kanji shifted in his seat. "I-I just wanna figure out-you know. If it's the same no matter what. Boy or girl or, or whatever."
In retrospect, Naoto's secret getting spilled should have solved everything. She was really a chick, meaning Kanji hadn't been crushing on a guy, meaning he could once again take pride in his amazing heterosexuality. Simple. Except Naoto was a guy in a lot of the ways that counted, a girl in plenty of others and somewhere in-between for all the rest. Basically, Naoto was Naoto, and Kanji was as confused as ever.
He swallowed. "It has to be the same. Because if it isn't, then there's something up, right?"
Rise studied him for a moment, eyes slightly narrowed - then shrugged. "I dunno if it matters, Kanji-kun."
"But you-you said it did, before! You said it was okay now Naoto's a girl."
She waved his protest aside. "I say a lot of stuff. Mostly to see your face when I do. I just mean it'd be easier now 'cause people won't give you a hard time for liking boys." She shrugged again. "Perceptions count. We ought to know that better than anyone."
She had a point. Kanji had never figured out how to change himself to what people wanted, so he'd pretended to be something they definitely didn't, to the point where he'd almost forgotten how to stop. Rise had fallen into almost the same trap - not because she didn't know how to remake herself, but because she was too damn _good_ at it. She'd forced herself to fit, he'd pushed everyone away. Naoto had done both. Kanji doubted it'd worked out any better for her.
Fact was, people thinking Naoto was a girl instead of a guy somehow changed everything - even for him. _Especially_ for him. Kanji just really wished it didn't.
He closed his eyes and let out a long breath. Shit, he hated thinking about this stuff.
"I think you like Naoto-kun no matter what," Rise said firmly. When Kanji opened his eyes again, she was leaning over his desk, palms flat against the surface. "And I wanna know why."
"Uh-what?"
"Sure, she's totally cute, I thought that back in the summer. Gets almost as many letters as me and Yukiko-senpai, too. But they're mostly from girls, and girls _do_ that stuff. We're nuts sometimes." Rise tipped her head. "What's the deal with you?"
Kanji hesitated. His first instinct was to insist Rise go get bent - except it was a really good question and one he'd never actually answered. Had to figure out what you liked about someone, right? He cleared his throat. "Uh. Sh-she's really clever. Knows stuff."
Rise hummed approvingly. "Okay, good start. What about looks? Gonna have to tell her that, she'll wanna know."
Kanji was pretty certain Naoto would shoot him for saying he liked her hat, never mind waxing lyrical about all the ways she made him go gooey and dizzy and other adjectives that made him sound like a twelve year-old girl. "She looks…nice."
"_Nice_? C'mon, Kanji-kun, be more specific!"
"I-I dunno. Dresses smart. The ties, y'know." He could already feel his cheeks heating up. "Her eyes, too."
Rise leaned further forward. Her grin had turned shark-like. "What about them?"
"Uh... they're b-blue, and- dammit, quit needlin' me!"
"Like I said, you're gonna have to get more specific." Frowning slightly, Rise shook her head. "Maybe the pageant'll help. Make sure you get a good look at her, okay?"
The pageant _had_ to help. Kanji was counting on it to answer the first of his two big questions - whether he liked Naoto no matter what - though part of him couldn't help thinking he should be able to figure that out himself. Another part wondered if it mattered at all. It only seemed vital when he was panicking about himself - which he'd been doing way too much the past few days. No matter what he'd said to his Shadow, some of the mess in his head was still about boys and girls. Still, he couldn't help noticing that when he'd tried to separate out the things he liked about Naoto, neither of those words had seemed that important at all.
* * *
The gossip about the pageant had died down by the end of school, along with the jibes at the three lovely 'ladies' entering it. Most of them had been directed at Yosuke, partly because he made the most noise but mostly because nobody had the guts to say anything to Kanji's face. A few guys had started ragging on Souji, but soon quit when they realized the girls seemed to like him more than ever. Kanji had heard a group of them whispering and giggling as Souji passed the lockers; something about sensitive boyfriends being the best, and why couldn't all guys be just like Seta-senpai?
After that, there'd been a lot less snickering and a lot more boys staring nervously at the pageant signup sheet. He hadn't figured any of them would be dumb enough to actually add their names, but the crowd still gathered around the notice-board ten minutes after final bell suggested otherwise. Curious, he peered over the small sea of heads as he walked past. It was hard to be sure - he couldn't make out the writing from this distance, especially not while he was moving - but he swore there were two new names scribbled at the bottom of the sheet.
Poor bastards. But hey, a few extra contestants might be nice, they'd at least give Yosuke a few extra bodies to hide behind on stage so he wouldn't keep-
"Uh…hey, Kanji?"
Kanji snapped his gaze away from the board and looked straight ahead. A few meters down the corridor, Naoki Konishi was leaning against the wall, schoolbag in hand and looking very nervous.
Crap.
He and Naoki had been friends years ago. Their mothers had known each other well, in a neighborly sort of way, so when they weren't playing in the street they divided their time between the liquor and textiles shops. Kanji remembered freaking out during one of Naoki's attempts to hide bugs in his sister's schoolbag - they'd looked _way_ too much like tiny cockroaches - and how much Saki had yelled at them both after catching him. Then Kanji's old man had died, two months before the start of middle school, and nothing had seemed worth the effort. Now Saki was gone too and Naoki probably needed a friend more than ever, but Kanji had been too chicken to try bridging the gap.
He cleared his throat. "Uh. Hey. How's it going?"
"Not bad. You?"
"Great," he replied, trying desperately to think of something to say that wasn't _sorry your sister's dead_.
Naoki didn't seem certain what to say either. "So…um." Moments passed in difficult silence, before he finally shook his head and laughed. "Wow, this is awkward."
Wasn't funny really, but it broke the ice. Kanji grinned down at him. "Yeah. Never been good at small talk."
"I think you got worse. How's your mom?"
"Good. Workin'. Yours?"
Naoki shrugged. "She's fine. She misses Saki."
"Yeah. I'm sorry, man." Kanji clasped a hand over his shoulder, a little more heavily than he'd intended - but Naoki still smiled. "So…uh, what's up?"
The smile vanished. "I saw your name. On the board. The pageant."
"Oh. Yeah. Hanamura got me roped into it, can't back out."
Looking almost embarrassed, Naoki shifted his gaze to the crowd around the board. "Um…there were a lot of-people were talking about you for a while. Earlier in the year. Saying you were-that you didn't like girls." He hesitated. "Is-is it true?"
Kanji tried not to wince. Word must've spread even quicker than he'd guessed. Maybe people had seen him hanging around with Naoto - or more likely, they'd seen him on the Midnight Channel. He had no idea what his Shadow had said, but it hardly mattered; seeing a guy prancing around a bathhouse in a fundoshi would've been enough evidence for anyone. And not only did he still not have a firm answer to the question, Kanji hated that Naoki was asking it at all. "Would it matter if it was?" he asked, forcing his voice to stay steady.
Naoki paused for a long moment, then shook his head. "Not really."
"…Good," Kanji managed, letting out the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "People say a lotta dumb stuff."
"Yeah, they do. Sorry. I-I kept meaning to ask you when you came back to school, but-" Naoki gave a sheepish shrug. "You know."
"Yeah."
Silence fell again, but at least this one was a little less awkward - and if they hung out more, it'd get easier, right? If Kanji had a chance of fixing things between them, he owed it to Naoki to try. "Listen, you, uh, wanna go get something to eat? Aiya or someplace?"
"Actually, I'm meeting Souji-senpai there later. But I bet he wouldn't mind if you came too, you guys hang out all the time. We're meeting around eight, if you're free?"
Figured. Senpai got along with everyone. Probably a better friend to Naoki than Kanji had ever been. It wasn't really stealing, either, not when they hadn't been close for years.
Knowing that didn't stop it hurting. Kanji shook his head and tried to smile. "Nah…s'cool. Gotta watch the store then. Kinda late to eat."
"Yeah...we were _supposed _to head there straight after school, but he said he had to go see Shirogane-kun first." Naoki shrugged, looking a little annoyed. "Something about giving her a letter."
Kanji's first thought was of the letters in Naoto's locker. He swallowed, turning away. "Right. 'Course. Guess I'll catch you another time, yeah?"
Naoki smiled. "Yeah, I'd like that. Later, Kanji-kun."
Hanging out with Naoto wasn't stealing, either. She probably liked talking to somebody as smart as her. Besides, Souji made time for everyone on the team; leaving her out would be wrong. Nothing to worry about. Kanji kept telling himself this all the way back to the store, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that whatever that letter was, Naoto wouldn't be throwing it away.
* * *
**October 29th, 2011**
"I don't think Yosuke meant any harm, Kanji-kun. He just…" Yukiko trailed off with a vague gesture that Kanji interpreted as _can't open his mouth without sticking his foot in it. _Which everyone already knew, so it was no consolation.
"Can't stop being a jerk," was Chie's grumbled finish. "Sometimes I think it'd be better if we just let a Shadow eat him."
Yukiko frowned for several moments, like she was searching really hard for an argument - then sighed. "Probably."
"I mean, c'mon! Kind and fragile! _Fragile_!" Chie threw up her hands. "What's he planning to do, snap her in half?"
"Probably just doesn't want her to kick his ass," Kanji muttered. He hadn't put much thought (or any, really) into Yosuke's imaginary ideal girlfriend, other than dimly noting that she didn't sound much like anyone he knew - and especially not the girls he hung around. The only one who couldn't kick Shadow ass by herself was Rise, and she made up for it by causing trouble outside the television instead. Besides, somebody didn't need to be delicate for you to want to protect them, because Naoto wasn't at all, just little, and Kanji still-
No. No way was he getting started on that. He'd pissed her off enough last time.
"I don't get it. It's not like I beat him up all the time," Chie said, her face flushed. "A couple of kicks, that's all, and only when he's being-ugh, you know."
"Well, people like different things, don't they?" Yukiko offered. "Like Kanji-kun wants somebody mysterious. Um, who isn't Souji," she quickly added. "I'm sure Yosuke was wrong about that."
"Damn right he was!" Why the hell had Senpai picked Kanji anyway? Everyone knew he'd only gone on the girls' side to make up numbers. Could've just said he'd rather date a chick. Instead he'd fueled Yosuke for another week - and hell, Kanji didn't even blame Hanamura, that was just how the guy was, but Souji should've known better. That said, Kanji should've known not to start describing the sort of person he liked without thinking it through first. Yosuke's sweet and breakable girl had at least been vague - but someone mysterious, who looked strong but had a lot more going on underneath? Real subtle.
"Although Souji-kun _is_ mysterious," Yukiko continued. She smiled dreamily. "_And_ strong."
Chie rolled her eyes. "Okay, Yukiko, we get the idea. It's pretty clear that Kanji-kun didn't mean him."
"Oh. Then who did he mean?"
Figuring things would only get worse from here, Kanji quickly made his excuses. "Sorry, gotta go," he mumbled, already on his feet and moving toward the door. The last thing he saw on his way out was Chie leaning over and tapping a puzzled-looking Yukiko on the nose.
No point heading back to his classroom. The café might've sucked, but at least it was an interesting idea. Almost interesting enough to distract him from the fact that Souji and Naoto were now hanging out together and blowing off other people to do it.
…Dammit, when'd he become such a frickin' whiner?
Around the time Naoto rolled into town, probably. She'd once mentioned that Sukuna-Hikona had something to say about everything she did, and that most of it wasn't flattering - but still, Kanji kind of envied her. Life would be a lot simpler if Take-Mikazuchi kicked his ass every time he started feeling sorry for himself. The big guy always butted in during fights, so why not for all the other important stuff?
Concentrating hard, trying to call Take-Mikazuchi out of hiding, Kanji barely registered the displays as he stormed down the corridor. Aside from a few wearing weird costumes - the ruffles were neat, but the baggy shorts weren't flattering at all - he didn't really notice the other students either. He definitely didn't notice Naoto standing by a table full of pots, at least not until he walked into her and knocked her to the floor.
He lurched forward. "Oh, crap! Naoto, I-you okay?"
"I'm fine." She grabbed her hat from the floor and tugged it back down on her head. "But you should've-"
Kanji, caught in a moment of mad guilt, interrupted by grabbing her hand and hauling her upright. Naoto rewarded him with an off-balance kick to the shins. "Ow! What was that for?"
"People are _staring_," she hissed. It wasn't even true. Admittedly, everybody nearby had looked over when Naoto hit the deck (probably because she'd squeaked), but nobody seemed particularly interested now.
"Was just tryin' to help," he muttered, trying to swallow his irritation. Dammit, he'd knocked her down, why wouldn't he help her up?
Naoto glared at him. "And it was entirely unnecessary."
Each stared at the other for several moments. Kanji was still trying to think of a response that didn't involve scowling - and deciding he really hated the word _unnecessary_ - when he realized he'd forgotten to let go of Naoto's hand.
Judging by her sudden furious blush, she'd noticed too. Kanji jerked his arm back, releasing her hand just in time to avoid pulling her with him. "S-sorry," he choked.
"I-y-you-" Naoto managed - then took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "We're blocking the corridor."
"Yeah. Right." Kanji wasn't equal to more than one-word sentences. Stepping closer to the wall was difficult enough, since he had to tell his feet to do it three times before they actually moved.
Naoto folded her arms. "Why aren't you assisting your class with their break room?"
"Th-they got enough people. And s'boring." A break room took no effort whatsoever. Even the snacks had come straight from Junes, which was a total waste when there were so many things that would've worked. Cookies, melon bread, little iced cakes…maybe even some onigiri, as long as people didn't drop rice everywhere. He grimaced. "They didn't even make the food."
"Perhaps they didn't know how. Cooking seems to be a rare talent among our colleagues. Even Seta-senpai's abilities are questionable." She paused. "But-the food you brought, before I returned to school. I remember it being very good."
Kanji had been wondering how the hell Naoto would know anything about Souji's cooking, but the question suddenly stopped being important. "Th-thanks," he managed. Naoto shrugged it off and he could feel his cheeks burning, so it seemed best to change the subject. "So, uh, what's your class doing?"
"Assisting Class 2-3 in their production of _Romeo and Juliet…and Hamlet_." Naoto shook her head. "Illustrating the problem with decisions made by committee."
Hamlet. Kanji vaguely remembered a movie in English class. It'd been full of guys in tights and ruffled shirts and hadn't made much sense even with subtitles. "Huh. That why people are in costume?"
She nodded. "They should be rehearsing, but we're behind schedule. Hamlet has been arguing with Kashiwagi-sensei for the last fifteen minutes. Something about the cross-dressing pageant." As she finished the sentence, her gaze dropped, and she began studying the floor.
Kanji frowned. "S'up?"
Naoto lifted her head, meeting his eyes with a look similar to the one she'd worn when he'd caught her spying on him on the hill, except a lot more worried. "The pageant. It was Rise's idea."
Like that was news. In a changing world, Kanji could think of only a few constants: the rolling of the tides, the rising and setting of the sun, and Rise Kujikawa making trouble every chance she got. "Yeah, I know. Chie-senpai said so. Ain't blamin' you."
"Of course not. I had no involvement in this. I suspect Hanamura-senpai also acted alone."
Which, Kanji decided, was Naoto's way of saying she didn't blame him either. "Thass right."
Glancing away, she cleared her throat. "I could-I-I was considering talking to the school board. I could present your case too."
He blinked. "You-you wanna get me outta it?"
"Two petitioners would carry more weight." The response was smooth, but she still hadn't looked back at him. "It's no greater effort."
"Uh…th-thanks. Seriously. But my attendance record's a mess, it ain't worth rocking the boat." Kanji slammed his fist into his palm with what he hoped looked like confidence. "So I'm just gonna do the best job I can!"
Naoto hesitated for a moment, eyebrows quirked up in surprise - or as close to surprise as she ever got. "That's…certainly enthusiastic."
"Well...y'know. The girls promised I'd look, uh, nice." Good thing he'd caught himself before _pretty_. "Rise, she's doing makeup and stuff."
He'd sort of expected Naoto to give him one of her looks, but she just nodded and clasped her hands behind her back. "I'm sure you'll do well." She paused, her gaze shifting to somewhere near his left kneecap. "Kanji-kun…what Rise-san and, and Hanamura-senpai said yesterday. Regarding the girls' pageant."
_Uh-oh_, thought Kanji.
"W-why would my participation concern you?"
This was the sort of question he'd need three hours of silence and five sheets of paper to properly answer. His two main reasons - that he needed to clear up some serious doubts about his preferences, and that he had a crush on her the size of a small country - both sucked. Hard. Kanji would never be able to explain them the way he wanted, Naoto'd run a mile even if he could, and both were ultimately kind of selfish. His benefit, not hers. She hadn't seemed keen on the pageant idea from the start, and she'd been even less into Kanji begging her to be a contestant.
Unfortunately, this didn't stop him wanting her to do it anyway. "F-f-figure-s'new experience, yeah? And-and you're-" _Really awesome and cute and if I was in charge you'd win every contest in the universe. _"You're pretty popular."
"With girls. And it-it isn't popularity when they aren't…" She trailed off into a grimace. "They're hardly my friends."
"But they like you." Kanji felt a little helpless. Naoto kind of had a point - he hadn't seen her talk with many other students at all, girls or otherwise - but she couldn't blame people for liking her. Who wouldn't?
There was a long, long moment of silence before Naoto spoke again.
"I don't want to be in the pageant, Kanji-kun." She glanced up at him for a moment, then away again. "I-I'm sorry."
"Why-?"
"It isn't appropriate. And I-Yukiko-senpai and Rise are far more suited to that sort of thing. Chie-senpai will also do well. Rise has informed me that she's well-regarded among male students. As for myself, I-I'm not…well, as I said, it's inappropriate."
Kanji's actual question had been _why are you sorry_. He was grateful only one word of it had made it to his mouth. Naoto was just being polite. Good upbringing and all that crap. Unfortunately, it made him feel like even more of an asshole. He'd suspected she wouldn't be cool with entering the pageant since Yosuke first signed her up; no matter how much he wanted it, trying to push her into taking part had been selfish on a whole new level.
He swallowed hard. "You-you don't hafta enter. Or 'pologize if you don't," he quickly added. "N-not like it matters, y'know?"
Man, he sucked at lying. Naoto must've noticed too, because she somehow looked even more uncomfortable. "Of course not," she said quietly, still turned away.
Kanji had the sinking feeling he'd made things worse. "I-I think you'd do great if you did," he tried. It was easier to say when she wasn't looking. "But s'okay if you don't."
…Yeah, like Naoto would be doing this for him. If anyone, it'd be for Souji. Who cropped up in Kanji's thoughts way too often, considering he was supposed to be talking to Naoto, dammit, and she needed cheering up again. He tried for a grin. "'Sides, maybe you can ask 'em to hold another cross-dressing one. 'Mister' Yasogami High."
Lame joke, but it worked. Naoto's expression relaxed. "Rise-chan suggested the same. I suspect I'd be the only entrant."
"Ah, Rise'd join in too. You'd still win."
"I would be ashamed if I didn't," she answered, the corners of her lips curving into a tiny smile. It disappeared a moment later. "I should return to work. Even if rehearsals are delayed, I have to help prepare the stage." She sighed. "Unfortunately, Ohtani-senpai is playing Juliet and the balcony has not proved as sturdy as first thought."
Kanji nodded. "Uh, okay. Good luck," he said - then, as she was about to turn away, added, "And thanks, yeah? For, for offering to-y'know. The school board. I-I know it was just convenient - but still."
Naoto glanced up at him, nodded once in reply, then turned and walked away.
* * *
Kanji had never seen the benefits of being tall, particularly when teamed with muscles guys twice his age would envy. He intimidated people without even trying, his feet stuck out over the end of his bed at night, his knees barely fit under his desk at school - and worst of all, none of the dresses in the shop would fit him. Seriously, there was a huge gap in the market. What was a dude supposed to do if he needed a nice dress at short notice? With no time to put a full pattern together, Kanji had resorted to pulling some white cotton out of the stockroom and trying to make some sort of billowy thing that he really hoped wouldn't look like a tent.
He still hadn't figured out where the others would get their outfits. Yosuke was still diligently pretending the pageant wouldn't happen, so Kanji couldn't imagine him trawling around the womenswear section at Junes. Even Senpai was jittery, which had been kind of surprising at first. Made sense, though; the guy couldn't be calm about everything. Maybe, Kanji thought grimly, _he_ was the weird one for being cool with putting on a dress. Maybe Naoto would think that way too. Hard to tell, given how _mysterious_ she was. Shit, what had he even meant? Wasn't like 'mysterious' was a good thing. To him, it'd become shorthand for 'impossible to ever fricking understand no matter _how_ much you like them'.
But the part he hadn't put into words bothered Kanji even more. Back when they'd first met, he'd wanted to be Naoto almost as much as he'd wanted to be with her. She'd been cool, calm, smart, no-nonsense...all traits someone like him didn't have and never would. Seeing the side she kept buried underneath had been majorly disappointing - because it meant that even if she was better at hiding it, Naoto was just as mixed-up as him.
Thing was, when he thought about it now, he _liked _that. He just couldn't figure out why. It made no sense.
His phone buzzed against the sewing table, Rise's number flashing on the screen.
_did u find a dress 4 2morow? this is gonna b soooooo awesom! \(^o^)/_
Text message, of course. Couldn't make the faces otherwise. _working on it. you got all the makeup and stuff?_
_im an IDOL kanji -_- no wories about makeup! ur gonna look gr8 naotokun will love it_
He scowled as his fingers jabbed at the keys. _shes got nothing to do with this!_
_riiiight :3 beautiful blushing kanjikun + the dashing detective prince_
Since Rise wasn't in the room, Kanji had to settle for glaring at the phone instead. Maybe he should find out how to do the faces too; with Rise, he'd only need to learn the angry ones. _shut it!_
_whatev kanji c u 2morrow! d(^_^)b_
She was nuts. No question. Kanji cursed under his breath and went back to making his not-a-tent, fervently hoping Ma wouldn't ask why he was running a sewing machine at midnight.
22. Interlude 5
_A/N: Story so far: Once again, Yosuke Screwed Everything Up - leaving the girls to take their revenge, and Kanji to made an impassioned and ultimately ignored plea to Naoto._
_In this not-particularly-short interlude: Naoto tries to make Teddie a girl, can't understand why she needs to make Kanji a man, and still doesn't know what to make of herself. _
_(Apologies for the slow updates...on the bright side, barring any unforeseen problems, updates *should* be weekly for the rest of the festival chapters.)_
_EDIT: Many thanks to Megaolix for his awesome idea regarding Naoto's dress (and apologies for forgetting this credit in the first upload)_
* * *
**October 30th, 2011**
"Nao-chan! Wait!"
In stating that she would 'go borrow a make-up kit', Naoto had actually meant 'run off and hide until this horrible day is over'. It had been a snap decision and in retrospect an utterly childish one. Futile too, since Teddie had a turn of speed that rivaled Chie-senpai's.
Naoto, however, had the twin advantages of a sharp mind and sheer desperation. All she needed to do was shake Teddie off. He'd soon grow bored searching for her. Then he'd wander back to the group, the girls could dress him up in whatever they wished and she would be free to plan her escape from the ridiculous beauty contest later that day. Assuming she wanted to escape - or rather, whether escape would be appropriate. Seta-senpai had instructed her to 'integrate' herself into the team, as he had phrased it, and this was an injustice they all had to suffer. It would also be unwise to incur the faculty's displeasure so soon after joining Yasogami High.
Besides, Kanji had specifically requested that she-
_Focus, Shirogane._ Find a place to hide. Leave the ruminations till then.
The roof? No, no, Teddie would see her climbing the stairs. Far better to make her way outside and lose him in the schoolyard. With Teddie still yelling after her, Naoto burst through the doors to the practice building, rounded the corner to the right - and barely skidded to a halt in front of a large cardboard box. A cardboard box with legs and a female voice. "Hey! Watch where you're going!"
Standing on tiptoes and peering over the top of the box, Naoto could see the upper half of a face, framed by dark hair and wearing an annoyed expression. "I'm sorry, I-" she began - unfortunately, at the same moment Teddie dashed around the corner behind her and slammed into her back.
People had been doing that a lot lately. Far more often than Naoto liked - even if it had technically been her fault two times out of three.
"Nao-chan!" Teddie trilled, wrapping himself around her waist like an over-friendly python. "You waited!" His grip both kept her upright and prevented her from falling on top of the box, but Naoto still only managed an unhappy noise in response.
"Are you two gonna block the corridor all day?" The girl had placed the box on the floor and was now staring at Teddie, eyes narrowed. "Wait…aren't you that guy from Junes? The exchange student?"
Teddie beamed back at her. "I know you - you're Sensei's friend!" He paused in thought, Naoto taking the opportunity to wriggle out of his grasp. "Or one of them, anyway. He has tons. _Everyone_ likes Souji-sensei."
"You know Souji too?"
Naoto, deciding she ought to be involved in the conversation, stuck out her hand. "Naoto Shirogane. Class 1-1."
The handshake was not returned. Instead, the girl studied Naoto for a moment, before her face flickered with recognition. "Oh yeah, I remember. The girl who was a boy. Or the boy who's a girl. Why're you-"
A voice called out from somewhere down the corridor. "Ozawa, are you getting those wigs or not?"
"It's fine if you don't! Really!" called a second - male and vaguely panic-stricken.
The girl rolled her eyes; Naoto refrained from pointing out that the voice wouldn't see it. "I've already _got_ them. Stop complaining!" she snapped, then bent down to pick up the box at her feet.
With another remarkable turn of speed, Teddie darted in front of her and lifted the box into his arms. "Pretty girls shouldn't carry heavy objects! Allow me!"
"It's not actually heavy - but sure." Ozawa shrugged and gestured down the corridor behind Naoto. "Take it to the Home Ec. room, please."
Naoto hadn't paid the box much thought, being preoccupied with both the conversation and Teddie grabbing her. Looking closely now, it was full of synthetic-looking hair in various unnatural shades. "Why do you need the wigs?"
"Because two guys I know refuse to ever give up on a bet," Ozawa replied, shaking her head as she followed Teddie into the classroom, Naoto following her in turn.
Inside, perched next to each other on sewing stools in the center of the room, sat two unhappy-looking boys draped in elaborate, flowing dresses. Dresses which Naoto was positive she'd seen hanging on a clothes rail ready for use in the festival play. A blonde girl was standing next to the larger of the two, wielding a tube of lipstick in one hand and gripping his chin with the other. She seemed familiar, though Naoto couldn't quite place her.
"C'mon, Yumi, don't bring people to gawk at us!" the larger boy bellowed, trying to squirm out of the blonde's grip.
"So," asked Ozawa, "which of you two wants to be the redhead?"
Before either boy could answer, Teddie tossed the box on the nearest sewing table and bounded across the room. "Ooh, fellow contestants! Pursuing the dream of young men everywhere!"
The slimmer of the two boys cringed and muttered something under his breath that Naoto couldn't quite hear, but seemed to relate to everything in life being horrible enough already. It was difficult to tell under the thick layer of makeup and the mass of turquoise frills, but hadn't she seen him-
"Ichijo-senpai," Naoto said, as respectfully as she could manage, "that is not your costume."
"No crap. This makes that dumb Hamlet outfit look good," muttered Ichijo. He glanced at the boy to his right and let out a pained sigh. "Nagase, you're a idiot."
Naoto tried again. "The dresses are required for the play, Ichijo-senpai, you should return them to-"
"Gimme a break, man." Again Nagase tried to pull away from the blonde girl, wincing as she dug her perfectly manicured nails into his chin. "Who was the one bragging about what an awesome girl he'd make?"
"Shut up, I totally would and you know it." Ichijo stared at the fabric pooling around his legs and pulled a face. "It's this stupid dress."
"I'll take it if you like," Teddie offered, poking at the elaborate ruff around Ichijo's neck.
Naoto cleared her throat. "I am certain there is no need to use these dress-"
"Oh, like anyone cares!" Ozawa exclaimed. "The play's gonna suck."
The blonde girl made a vague sound of disdain. "You're just pissed that the drama club didn't get asked to join in."
"I told you, I'm not into that stuff anymore. The whole idea's just bad. I mean, _Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet_?"
"Yeah." Ichijo sighed again. "Could've picked at least _one_ play where everybody doesn't die at the end."
Naoto studied him closely; makeup and dress aside, she had heard other students claim Ichijo and herself shared a close resemblance. Back when she'd still been considered male, there had even been rumors that the two of them were long-lost brothers. Absurd in every sense. Same hair coloring, similar sharp features - but Ichijo was easily as tall as Seta-senpai even while slouching, while the idea of Naoto joining the basketball club soared past optimism and landed somewhere near delusion. He also looked better in a dress than she ever would.
She shook her head. They were wasting time. "My apologies, senpai, but Teddie and I must prepare for-"
"-beating you in the pageant!" Teddie leaned over the blonde girl and inspected the makeup bag at her side. "Can we borrow some of your equipment?"
"Wait, you're in the contest too?" Ozawa narrowed her eyes again. "That makes you our competition."
The blonde shrugged, swapping the lipstick for a black pencil and casually smacking Teddie's hand away from the bag. "Like Kou and Daisuke are gonna win anyway. But you're only getting the spare, whatever your name is." She glanced toward Ozawa. "Give it to him, he'll make a cute girl."
Any chance Naoto had of escaping from this task had vanished. Might as well seize the opportunity. "The loan would be appreciated. Of course we'll take good care of-"
"A beautiful woman like you needs no makeup, Yumi-chan!" Teddie insisted, then tipped a thumb toward Nagase and Ichijo. "Neither do these two, it wouldn't help."
"Hey! You tryin' to say something?" roared Nagase.
After a moment's pause, Ozawa gave a shrug. "I guess giving you the basics wouldn't hurt."
"Thank you, Yumi-chan!" On Naoto's embryonic Sparkle Quotient scale, Teddie's sudden grin ranked as a small shower of diamonds - and, as usual, the effect was instantaneous.
Cheeks flushed a furious red, Ozawa offered him a shy smile in return as she handed him the bag. "Oh… um, no problem. Good luck."
* * *
A ridiculous number of brushes, a bent pair of scissors, something that looked like a pipe cleaner dipped in motor oil and more shades of lipstick than had any right to exist. How did this constitute the basics?
"This is hopeless," Naoto muttered as she stared at the collection of objects scattered on the desk. "I apologize, Teddie. I'm going to be no help at all."
"That's okay! We're an unstoppable double team of sartorial savvy!" Teddie chirped, midway through applying lipstick to his eyelids. "Besides, the stuff I'm putting on myself looks great."
Her formal schooling might have been limited, but after a comprehensive self-education Naoto considered herself well-versed in many crucial areas of knowledge. Makeup, being utterly pointless, was not one of them. The little she'd picked up from observing Rise confirmed her suspicions that Teddie knew even less. "I believe the blue powder is eyeshadow, not hair glitter."
"I like blue," he said happily. "You always look so nice in it, Nao-chan."
Naoto glanced toward the door, fingers worrying the collar of her shirt. "I-I should retrieve one of the others. Rise-san would be better placed to assist you." Why had Chie-senpai ever suggested her involvement to begin with? She had little idea how to present _herself_ as a girl, never mind making a boy - or bear - resemble one.
"Rise-chan's busy. Here, put some of this black pen on me."
Naoto took the black cylinder - or at least tolerated Teddie shoving it into her palm - and leaned down next to his chair. "Ah…this is eyeliner, correct?"
He shrugged. "Dunno. I tried doing research this morning, but the girls in the magazines under Yosuke's bed didn't have much makeup on and they weren't wearing nice dresses." He paused, tilting his head. "Actually, they weren't wearing anything. Oh, except for one, she had this bright red plastic-ow, don't stick the pen in my eye!"
"_Pleasestoptalking_," Naoto spluttered.
This earned her a pout in response, but Teddie dropped the topic nonetheless - and once Naoto's hand had steadied, she resumed tracing the pen along the rim of his left eyelid. The nib kept getting stuck in the lipstick. "Hopeless," she repeated through gritted teeth. "As if entering the pageant weren't bad enough."
Teddie patted her arm. "Don't worry, Nao-chan. You're gonna look bear-y pretty."
"That is _not_ one of my concerns."
"Every girl wants to look pretty," he insisted, waving the lipstick tube at her for emphasis and almost knocking the pen in his eye again. "Every Teddie too. And Kanji-chan."
Naoto tried not to cringe.
Signing the boys up for the cross-dressing pageant had been Rise's idea, though ten full minutes of interrogation hadn't uncovered the reason behind it. Given the way she'd smirked and shrugged, Naoto wasn't certain one existed. Unfortunately, Chie-senpai had quickly jumped on board in the name of revenge, Yukiko-senpai had followed out of solidarity, and Naoto's protests had been feeble at best. Rocking the boat had seemed unwise when the girls had apparently claimed her as one of their own. It was kind of them to do so. Knowing that made it no easier to stomach - and no better an excuse for going along with their plan.
She swallowed. "Is Kanji-chan-I mean, Kanji-kun, is he…acquiescent to his participation in the pageant?"
Teddie gave her a cheerfully blank stare.
Right. Shorter words. "Kanji. Is-is he angry about being in the contest?"
"Nope. Kanji-chan hits things when he gets mad, so it's easy to tell."
Teddie's assertion was most likely correct. Naoto had gauged Kanji's temper well before their first meeting. Body language was simple to read, and the clench of his fists and the way he'd prowled the streets as she'd trailed him through the shopping district had spoken more than any of the stumbled sentences during their initial conversation. If he'd been truly angry about being entered into the pageant, wouldn't he have shown it on the roof?
…Except Kanji had changed in recent months. His manner of speaking remained the same but he carried himself in an entirely different manner. Almost with pride. Doubtless Seta-senpai had played a part in this transformation. The same threat now hung over Naoto; one of many reasons she felt ill-at-ease in Senpai's presence. She preferred not to think about the others. She preferred not to think about Kanji either, because what he'd said on the roof and later in the corridor had been completely-
"Hey, are you drawing on my face? I hope it's something nice!"
She blinked. The pen had slid down from Teddie's left eye to somewhere near his chin. "Ah. Sorry."
Teddie pointed to his left cheek. "Sensei says I'm a star, so you should draw that."
Mind still preoccupied, Naoto nodded obligingly and began outlining a lopsided star.
She should have gone to the school board. Found some loophole in the school charter allowing both her and Kanji to withdraw from the contest. It would have been so much simpler. Kanji would have no need to cross-dress and Naoto would have no need not to.
Except he'd seemed perfectly content to enter. More than that, he'd asked her outright to do the same - and after hours of diligently not thinking about it, Naoto still hadn't found a logical explanation.
"Thanks for helping me, Nao-chan. I know you didn't really want to, but I'm glad you are." A finger tapped against her nose, snapping her back to awareness. Teddie was smiling brightly - blue powder in his hair, red lipstick and eyeliner on his eyelids, and a shaky black line and star drawn on his left cheek. The reprimand Sukuna-Hikona buzzed at the walls of her skull was quite unrepeatable.
"I-" Naoto shook her head again, partly in disbelief. "What am I _doing_? I-I'm supposed to be helping you and instead I'm obsessing over-"
"Wow. What did you do, throw the whole kit at him?"
Naoto bolted upright and turned around. In the doorway of the music room stood the blonde girl from earlier; the one who'd been attacking Nagase with a tube of lipstick. She walked into the room, gaze flickering between Naoto and Teddie. "I've seen you before. You hang out with Souji, right?"
...Of course. This was the girl she'd seen in the corridor with Seta-senpai almost two weeks ago - the one who'd watched Naoto make a complete idiot of herself and then been unpleasant about it.
"Ah-um, we-" Naoto began, then realized she wasn't making real words and stuck out her hand instead. "Naoto Shirogane. Class 1-1. You insulted my shoes."
This handshake was no more successful than the last. The girl gave her an indifferent glance which quickly shifted to her feet. "Yeah, the Frankenstein boots. They really aren't doing anything for you, y'know."
Naoto opened her mouth to respond; specifically, to politely and firmly explain that her shoes were simultaneously perfectly adequate for school use and perfectly able to serve the purpose for which they intended. Unfortunately, her indignation had no time to cool into an actual sentence before the girl continued.
"I'm Ai Ebihara, but you probably know that already," she said, though her attention was now clearly focused on Teddie. "Thought I'd come watch you play dress-up with this little doll."
"I'm not a doll, I'm a bear. And we aren't playing dress-up. Teddie's entering the contest!"
"You already said that." As she peered closer, Ebihara's forehead creased into a delicate frown. "Is that lipstick on your eyelids?"
Teddie nodded proudly. "Yes."
She raised her eyebrows - possibly in admiration, possibly in disdain - then turned to Naoto. "So where's his outfit?"
"Outfit?"
"Yeah. Makeup comes after the clothes, everyone knows _that_." Apparently Naoto hadn't hid her blank stare as successfully as she'd hoped, because Ebihara gave her a tentative look of surprise. "…Except you, huh?"
Naoto shrugged helplessly.
Ebihara stared at her for several awkward seconds - then smiled in nearly the same manner Rise did when pushing a conversation back on-track, or at least onto whichever track she preferred. Come to think of it, Ebihara and Rise shared several similarities. Naoto hoped they'd never meet.
"Figures. Guys don't wear it, and you think you're one or like one or whatever you've got going on." Ebihara tipped her head. "Want some help?"
Half-leaping from his seat, Teddie punched a fist into the air. "Of course! New friends on Team Teddie guarantee victory!"
Relying on others didn't come naturally to Naoto and her first impulse was to refuse the offer of help. But in truth, Teddie _would_ make an attractive girl. Wide eyes with long lashes, hair that simultaneously looked silken and fuzzy, the ability to sparkle at will... in capable hands, he might even win the contest. He deserved better than her, Naoto decided, choosing not to dwell on the fact that she'd just applied the word 'attractive' to someone who spent half their time as a red and blue bear. "We'd welcome the assistance. But what about Ichijo-senpai and Nagase-senpai?"
"I'd rather help Sparkles here. At least he has a chance of winning. Trust me, Kou's cute, but he doesn't make as good a girl as he says or as you'd think. And as for Daisuke…" The sentence trailed off into a shudder. "A miracle couldn't fix that."
"Well…thank you, Ebihara-senpai," Naoto said, with a slight bow and a tip of her cap. "This-it, um, isn't exactly my area of expertise."
"No kidding. But it should be, right?" Ebihara walked over to the desk, took the seat next to Teddie and began rifling through the equipment on the table. "I mean, you cross-dress."
"No I don't," Naoto shot back on instinct, quickly amending it to, "I-I mean, I, I suppose I do - but not as a girl!"
"Forget the girl part." Ebihara began wiping a cloth over Teddie's face, ignoring his squeaked protests. "I want the bigger picture. How'd you convince everyone you were a guy?"
_Because I am_, Naoto almost said. It was a ridiculous response. It was also completely instinctive. "I-I don't know."
"Yosuke said you definitely fooled Kanji-chan," Teddie pointed out, wincing slightly when Ebihara grabbed his left ear and scrubbed at his cheek. "Big time."
Naoto frowned. Hadn't she fooled everyone? Perhaps Kanji had just been more hurt when the truth came out, since they'd previously been…not friends, exactly, not in any normal sense of the word. But they'd talked. More than she had with anyone else in town, even if that wasn't saying much. The visits after his rescue had been a kind gesture, too - one that Naoto hadn't truly appreciated at the time but now almost missed.
_(Sorry shouldhavesaidsorry deservedbetter)_
…Irrelevant. Sukuna-Hikona knew nothing of the situation. If Naoto owed Kanji an apology, she owed one to the rest of the team and to every other person she'd encountered in the last four years. She'd had no choice but to lie, and it hadn't truly been deliberate; by the time she'd arrived in Inaba, the pretence hadn't felt like one in a very long time.
"Well?" Ebihara sounded irritated. "C'mon, there's got to be _something_."
"The details," Naoto said firmly, waving a hand toward Teddie. "He's attractive enough to make a reasonable girl, but victory may depend on the finer aspects." She shook her head. "But this is merely for a pageant, not a long-term endeavor."
"Doesn't matter. Just pick one thing he can do."
Naoto hesitated, studying Teddie carefully.
She simply needed to reverse the process. Have him emulate the flaws she'd worked so hard to hide. Speech wasn't the main concern in a beauty pageant, his shoulders were already narrow enough for them to appear rounded, and his mannerisms hardly qualified as masculine. Little about Teddie did. Since learning that he'd effectively grown his human form inside his suit, Naoto had suspected his choice of gender had been arbitrary.
"Movement," she decided. "Girls carry themselves lightly. You should shorten your steps. Keep your legs closer together."
"Sounds tricky." Teddie's brow furrowed. "What if I skip?"
Naoto paused. "…Good enough."
Ebihara had moved on from removing Teddie's makeup to brushing the eyeshadow out of his hair. "Cool. So, Sparkles, where's your dress?"
"Didn't bring one. I thought I could borrow a uniform." He grinned. "Maybe from a pretty girl."
"What, you figured someone would strip off for you?" Ebihara asked, eyebrows raised - then shook her head at Teddie's confused shrug. "Okay, so we need an outfit. Any ideas, Shirogane?"
"Ah. Um…well, do you have anything? There's no time to go to Junes, and-"
Ebihara made the same derisive sound as before. It was something close to a snort. "They only sell crap anyway - and I don't have anything that would fit him. Too many curves," she added with a smirk toward Naoto. "Guess _you_ wouldn't have that problem."
Immensely grateful that Rise hadn't broadcast her measurements to the world and equally proud that she continued to hide them successfully, Naoto shook her head.
"He's taller than you,'" Ebihara continued, eyes narrowed, "but you're both kinda skinny…got anything he could borrow?"
Naoto blinked. "_Girls'_ clothing?"
"Oh. Yeah, maybe not."
'Maybe not' ought to be amended to 'never in a million years'. Save for one occasion, Naoto hadn't worn a dress or skirt since she was six, a record she had no intention of breaking. Every item of clothing she owned had been designed for a boy. Of course, the shirts always needed tailoring first and the trousers were too long, but that didn't change the fact that-
Wait. There was one other option. A horrible one, if anyone found out - but she owed Teddie what limited assistance she could provide.
Naoto swallowed hard. "I-I…there's…a dress. My grandmother."
Ebihara frowned. "Your grandmother's dress?"
"No. She sent me a-a dress. Dresses. One every year since I turned ten." Her grandmother had forwarded this year's model to Inaba as a belated birthday gift, despite Naoto's desperate pleas that Grampa withhold her new address. "Th-the most recent is at my apartment."
"Really? Wow," Ebihara said, a little disbelievingly. "Do you ever wear it?"
Naoto stared at her.
"Okay, that's a no. But what does it look like?"
Picturing it was difficult. She'd thrown it in the bedroom closet immediately after opening the parcel. "Blue. There are…frills. And an apron." From what she recalled, the dress really didn't look like anything Yukiko or Chie or even Rise usually wore outside of school, and the lattermost had a clear penchant for ridiculous outfits. Naoto had never tried it on and never would. She wasn't entirely certain why she'd kept it.
Ebihara winced. "Well, I guess we can go for the retro vote," she said, then looked down at Teddie, one hand resting lightly on his shoulder. "What do you think, Sparkles?"
Teddie let out a happy sigh. "It's like a dream. Wearing Nao-chan's dress, with frills."
"It is _not_ my dress!" Naoto hissed. "And you will tell nobody of this!"
"Not even Sensei?"
"_Especially_ not him!" The thought was too horrible to contemplate. She owed both her life and her place on the team to Seta-senpai, who valued her abilities despite the disadvantages of her gender. He'd even offered to help her with that ridiculous Phantom Thief letter, idle diversion though it was. Above all, he respected her. Naoto wanted him to keep doing this more than she knew how to say. The image of her in a blue dress and apron? Disastrous. "Absolutely not him," she repeated under her breath.
"Oh, he wouldn't mind." Ebihara shrugged. "Souji's a nice guy. Which is normally a bad thing, but he totally makes it work."
Naoto nodded emphatically. "He does."
Several moments of silence followed. When she looked up, Ebihara was watching her with an expression she couldn't decode. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," Ebihara replied, a little too quickly. "Just keep seeing you round here with…what's his name. Big guy, always scowls."
"Kanji Tatsumi?"
"Yeah. You hang out with him. So, you know."
Naoto didn't. Her dealings with Kanji were a separate matter. There had been moments of...awkwardness, perhaps, mostly on his part, but she assumed that was due to her earlier ill-judged behavior. Naoto was hesitant to say for certain, the criteria being so unclear - but at this point, he and Rise might be the closest she'd ever come to having friends.
Seta-senpai was different. Any awkwardness in that association was entirely her own fault. She had too much to prove.
Ebihara glanced at the clock on the music-room wall. "We've got two hours before the pageant starts. Think you can fetch the dress in time?"
Naoto nodded. The buses in Inaba were usually punctual, and if she ran the rest of the way it would take only an hour to make it there and back.
"Okay, get going. I'll finish cleaning him up, maybe start with the basics." She turned back to Teddie and tugged at a stray lock of his hair. "Do you want a wig? I kinda like it like this."
He tipped up his chin. "Teddie prefers the natural look."
Mumbling something approaching a goodbye, Naoto walked toward the door. She was almost in the corridor when Ebihara called after her.
"Hey, Shirogane. You're in the girls' pageant." She gave a slight smile. "Want help with that too?"
_(Mustwantsomething? Noreason noreason askherwhy)_
"But-wh-why would you want to assist me?" Naoto stammered. "We don't know each other."
Ebihara shrugged. "I'm good at this stuff. I've had a lot of practice." The smile shifted to a smirk. "Besides, you're hopeless. I'd be a total bitch not to offer, and I'm sorta trying to get past that."
It was a kind gesture, Naoto reminded herself, feeling thoroughly lost.
She bit her lip. "I, I don't want to be in the pageant at all. If-if I must, Rise Kujikawa has offered to help. But…thank you, Ebihara-senpai. F-for the offer."
Teddie smiled and gave her a thumbs-up. It was inexplicably reassuring. "That's okay, Nao-chan. Now Ai-chan's full focus will be on Teddie, ensuring his greatest triumph!"
She nodded. "Absolutely, Teddie. I'll return shortly with your outfit." Naoto turned and walked briskly out of the music-room - only making it a few strides before her cell buzzed inside her pocket. When she fished it out, Rise's name was on-screen.
She flipped the phone open. "Rise-san?"
_"Naoto-kun! Where are you?"_
"Um…the practice building. Should I be-"
_"Great! I need a platinum blonde wig."_
Naoto paused, recalling a simpler time when her phone calls centered around police reports and dead bodies. "I assume this is for the pageant."
_"Yep. I totally forgot about Kanji-kun's hair, can you believe it?" _There was a loud curse somewhere in the background, and Rise tsked. "_He's being a big jerk about it too. One of Senpai's friends dropped by and said there's a box of wigs in the Home Ec room, she got them from drama club or something, I dunno - but I need a platinum blonde one, something that looks like-you know Marilyn Monroe, right? Everyone does! I love her movies, Yosuke-senpai downloaded some of the dubs for me, I'll give you the DVD sometime. Get something that'll make Kanji-kun look like her, okay? Thanks, Naoto-kun!"_
With that, Rise hung up. Sighing, Naoto snapped her phone shut and hoped the girl would remember to breathe.
23. Chapter 18
_A/N: Story so far: I was the biggest liar-slash-optimist ever about when I'd next update. Sorry everyone. Hope I am not too rusty on this writing thing. I have a lot to catch up on here - stories to read, stuff to post, reviews to answer, etc. etc.
_
_But, let's try this again.
_
_Story so far: Asked to help Teddie prepare for the 'Miss' Yasogami contest, Naoto tried and failed to run away, then made amends by lending him a dress. Meanwhile, Kanji and Rise began their own preparations._
_In this part: Rise is very helpful, Naoto is equally mortified, and Kanji and Yosuke share a shower._
* * *
**October 30th, 2011**
"Okay! Naoto-kun's on the case." Rise swapped her cell phone for the comb and went back to tugging the latter through Kanji's hair. "Y'know, this'd be much easier if you didn't dunk your head in hair gel every morning. It's like glue."
Nothing wrong with wanting to look nice, Kanji reminded himself. Gelling his hair made him look badass. It also kept it from sticking up a ton of weird angles and making him look like a hedgehog. "This chick. Mary or whatever. You sure I'll look like her?"
"_Marilyn Monroe_, Kanji-kun. I can't believe you haven't seen her films! She was like the closest thing to an idol back then!" Rise's happy sigh shifted seamlessly into a giggle. "And you're both bottle blond, right?"
Kanji suspected it was way more complicated than that and wished he'd checked out a picture of this Marilyn first. "I'm trusting you, yeah?"
"Don't worry, you're in safe hands," Rise insisted, almost tearing out a snarled clump of hair above his left ear. "Risette's gonna make you a princess."
"I never said nothin' 'bout princesses!"
"And if you're a princess," she continued as if Kanji hadn't spoken, "then you need a prince." Her smirk crept up the back of his neck. "Got anyone in mind?"
It wasn't the sort of question that needed an answer. Slouching back in his chair, Kanji kicked his heels against the classroom floor. "Why ain't you helpin' Souji-senpai?"
The comb stopped moving. "...Yukiko-senpai wanted to do it."
Thinking about it, both Yukiko and Souji had disappeared pretty fast. Kanji hadn't noticed at the time, largely because a rocket launch couldn't have drowned out Yosuke's long, loud explanation of just how badly Chie would have to kill him before he'd let her put him in a skirt. By the three minute mark, it'd seemed like she'd do it just to shut him up. Yukiko had been smart to snag Souji instead.
Didn't explain why Rise hadn't gotten there first, though. "But ain't you-"
"Besides, you totally need my help on this," Rise cut in, then started yanking at his hair again. "How else are you gonna win?"
While Kanji appreciated the help, he'd already accepted that an entire squadron of Rises couldn't bag him this contest. She'd have been better off with Senpai. "Yeah…just figured, y'know."
A soft sound came from behind him; something that might've been a laugh but only made it halfway. Rise leaned forward, resting one hand on his shoulder. "I've been throwing myself at Souji-senpai for months, Kanji-kun," she said, not quite lightly enough, and Kanji's stomach twisted with recognition - until she opened her mouth again. "So there's no problem with me taking time out to make Tatsumi-chan look pretty for his handsome prince, right?"
Kanji scowled on principle. "Shut y'face."
"Oh, stop being such a diva. I bet Naoto-kun hates that sort of thing."
"Don't care," he muttered. "Contest's stupid."
"You won't have any fun if you're being all grumpy. Lighten up!"
Kanji glowered in silence - first at the floor, then at the opposite wall, and finally at his dress, which was slung over the nearest of the costume racks that half-filled the classroom.
It was a total rush-job. The stitching was shoddy - he'd been so tired he'd almost sewn the stupid thing to his t-shirt - and the cut was a fricking disaster and Naoto sure as hell wouldn't say it was _professional_ or even-
A finger jabbed the back of his head. "C'mon, you were really into this before. What happened?"
Truth was, Kanji had spent most of the past hour fighting off a fit of self-doubt. Distracting himself had been easy before that; he'd stayed up half the night sewing his dumb dress, kicked around in Daidara's all morning watching the guy hammer Chie's old greaves into something that was trying its best to be a pair of high heels, then come to school and concentrated on not staring at Naoto. Ever since she'd disappeared with Teddie (which Kanji really hadn't been cool with), there'd been nothing to do but sit in classroom 2-3 while Rise tried to pull his hair out. Which had led to a whole bunch of thinking and an increasing suspicion that this entire thing was the worst idea ever. Hanamura's wailing about irreparable damage to his manliness hadn't helped. "Just stupid, s'all."
It wasn't an answer Rise liked. With an annoyed huff, she grabbed his dress from the rail and shoved it into his hands. "Fine, don't tell me, but at least get dressed while you sulk!"
Kanji stood up, mumbled something unrepeatable under his breath - the hell was Rise's deal with butting into his business? - and lifted the hem of his shirt. He got it as far as his ribs before Rise squeaked and yanked the fabric back down.
"Whoa, whoa! Kanji-kun, not here!"
He frowned. "…Why not?"
"Because _I'm_ standing in front of you, dummy!" Rise shook her head, then pointed to the far corner of the classroom. "Go use the changing room!"
…Damn, he really _was_ distracted. Stripping off in front of girls just wasn't something you did, not only because it wasn't proper, but also because girls were confusing and nerve-wracking and ultimately kind of terrifying. Frankly, Kanji was a little disturbed he'd gotten so comfortable around Rise. Then he decided she was uniquely terrifying in her own right and therefore a special case - and, with a mumbled apology, made his way to the changing room.
It didn't deserve the name. From what he could tell, someone had just shoved three display boards into an open square and thrown a bed sheet over the top. He had to duck to get inside and almost knocked one of the walls down trying to kick off his pants. After that, he quickly realized two things: that putting on a dress was way more difficult than girls ever let on, and that no matter how tired he'd felt, he really should've tried his out last night. Trying to tug the thing past his shoulders and cursing under his breath, he didn't notice the footsteps behind him until the sheet was pulled back from the entrance.
Man, Rise had some fricking nerve. She'd practically thrown him in here to get dressed, given him no time to do it, and now she was just barging in?
Kanji swung around, scowl at the ready. "Dammit, Rise, I ain't fin-"
"Kanji-kun, here is-"
Mid-spin, he noticed that the voice was crisp, level, and definitely not Rise's. Unfortunately, the information didn't register until he'd turned a full semi-circle - leaving him face-to-face with a wide-eyed Naoto Shirogane.
Kanji froze, dress bunched above his head.
Naoto, meanwhile, jerked backward two steps and bumped into Rise, whom Kanji now had pegged as secretly some sort of twin-tailed demon. "Thanks, Naoto-kun!" she chirped, reaching around Naoto's shoulder and plucking the wig from her hands. "This'll be perfect once I clean the dust off. Help Kanji-kun with his dress, okay?"
In response, Naoto made a noise that sounded nothing like agreement, followed by two more that might've been attempts at Rise's name. Rise responded by shoving her forward again, smiling brightly, then disappearing back into the classroom.
Kanji blinked.
Naoto blinked back. Twice. "Um. What. What do you-"
_Crap. Crap._ Stuck in a fake changing room in only his boxers with Naoto looking like she'd shoot him and _oh crap _
Kanji's mind struggled with rational thought at the best of times. Working through the logistics of simultaneously putting on a dress and not passing out sent it into a tail-spin. "N-nothing! S'fine!" he yelled, and tried to yank the dress down over his head.
If getting the thing on before had been difficult, blind panic ruled it out completely. Although most of the fabric made it past his shoulders this time, it just bunched up around his biceps instead, leaving him with his head wrapped in white cotton and his arms trapped at his sides. The sole consolation was that Naoto wouldn't see him blushing - unless his face really _was_ about to catch fire, which would at least get him out of the stupid dress.
Scissors. He'd have to beg her to fetch some. Sure, she'd probably just run out the classroom and never come back, but at least-
The thought was cut off by a sharp tug at the fabric trapping his upper arms, which loosened the dress just enough for him to wriggle inside and slip his arms through the straps. It also left him once again face to face with Naoto, standing in the entrance with her hands clasped behind her back - and, even though Kanji took up most of the makeshift changing room, somehow looking at everything in it except him.
Suddenly, being trapped in a dress didn't seem like such a bad deal.
"It was stuck. Your dress. I-I was simply-" Naoto made a sharp gesture that Kanji guessed was meant to convey her gentlemanly intentions, but came off more like a flinch.
"Th-thanks," he managed. "For, uh, helping out."
She nodded stiffly. "I'm sorry. Barging in on you. Rise," she added, like that one word explained everything. It usually did. "She-she said you were trying on your shoes. Not the-"
"Y-yeah. Rise."
Puppet-like, Naoto jerked her hand toward him. "It's - a very nice dress."
"I can do way better," Kanji blurted.
"I'm sure." Naoto was edging back to the entrance, one hand gripping the brim of her cap. "Well. Um. Good luck."
With that, she instantly vanished into the classroom - or at least it seemed that way. Kanji was busy wishing he could curl up and die, so he might've just blacked out for a moment.
Next thing he knew, Rise was peering around the bed sheet; grinning, expectant, and utterly evil. "So? How'd it go?"
To Kanji's credit, he kept his temper for three full seconds before exploding.
* * *
Kou covered his face with a lace-gloved hand. "Dude, I can't do this. I look like my grandmother."
"No way, man." Daisuke shook his head, his silver beehive wig swaying dangerously in response. "I saw your grandma at New Year's. She was wearing a kimono."
Which still would've been a better route for Ichijo and Nagase to take - because while Kanji had resolved to respect his senpai, particularly if they were friends of Souji, it was hard to stick to when those senpai looked like a pair of frilly meringues. "The hell d'you get those outfits?"
"Costumes for the stupid play. Ozawa and Ebihara's idea." Kou dropped his arm from his face in favor of smacking Daisuke in the shoulder. "Nagase, you moron, I told you we should've gone to Junes!"
Daisuke rolled his eyes. "Yeah, 'cause I really wanna buy myself a dress in a store that's hired half our year as weekend staff. What, you worried about looking pretty?"
"Nothin' wrong with that," Kanji interjected.
"C'mon, you know that's not it! I...see, it's just, we're gonna get up there and - I mean -" Kou growled and threw his hands up in frustration. "Souji, help me out here!"
Souji gave a shrug. "We're wearing dresses whether we like it or not," he said, brushing his plaits back behind his shoulders. "Might as well try to."
Grinning, Kanji slapped him on the back. "Thass the spirit!"
Even though Souji had turned chalk-white when he'd first seen the sign-up sheet, it figured he'd be cool with the contest in the end. Senpai was cool with _everything_. Knowing that made Kanji feel a lot better, even though it kind of sucked that Souji's outfit was nicer than his. Okay, so the grey ankle-length skirt was kind of frumpy, but at least it might've stopped Rise threatening to shave his legs.
Kou pulled a face. "If I ever start talking like that," he muttered to Daisuke, "just put me outta my-"
"Hey, guys!"
The voice was Chie's - and glancing to his left, Kanji could see her jogging down the corridor toward the group.
Opposite him, Kou flushed a furious pink. It made his turquoise dress look even worse. "Oh, _crap_."
"Have any of you seen-" Chie stopped short, frowned, then peered carefully at Daisuke and Kou. "Wait, wait. Nagase and Ichijo?"
"No," choked Kou, trying to hide behind Daisuke and almost succeeding.
Daisuke glared back at her. "It's a bet, alright?"
"...Whatever, I'm not even gonna ask. I'm more worried about where Yosuke went. Have you guys seen him?"
Souji raised an eyebrow. "I thought he was with you?"
"He was!" Chie snapped, waving her hand in the rough direction of the second floor. "Then I go to grab more ribbons from the sewing room and the big jerk runs off!"
Kanji blinked. "You serious? He chickened out?"
"I dunno." Another frown, but this one just seemed disappointed. "Probably. All I know is that I turned my back for one moment and he was gone."
Souji grimaced. "Yosuke got us into this mess. I thought he'd at least see it through." He tried to fold his arms, but his plaits kept getting trapped in his elbows.
Yosuke, Kanji reminded himself for the fifteenth time that day, wasn't a bad guy. Senpai had always said as much - usually when he'd been asking Kanji not to beat the crap out of his best friend - and so Kanji had done his best to forgive and forget. The dumb jokes about bathhouses, the dumber ones about him and Naoto, even the bitching about sleeping in the same tent; throughout it all, and occasionally successfully, he'd grit his teeth and tried to let things slide.
This? This was different.
Kanji balled his fists, shoulder muscles rippling beneath the straps of his dress. "I'll find him. No way is he gettin' out of this!"
* * *
Frankly, Kanji felt he was entitled to be a little pissed off.
Back in May, school had seemed as big a waste of time as everything else in life, except about a dozen times more frightening. That was how a couple of skipped classes had gradually turned into entire weeks where he didn't show. Kanji had flaked out, and all it'd done was make him dumber and lonelier - until Souji Seta had shown up. Souji had changed everything by making Kanji want to change himself; by making him realize he could be more than just some punk that set the neighbors gossiping. He still didn't know what he needed to be instead, or if he'd ever figure it out, but he'd worked up the courage to go back to school and just barrel on through. Hadn't missed more than a couple of classes since.
Now, six months later, he was spending Saturday morning in an ugly dress and pancake make-up, Rise was trying to ruin his life again, Naoto probably thought he was a pervert - and Yosuke Hanamura, because he was the biggest asshole who ever lived, was cowering in a shower cubicle at the back of the girls' locker room.
Souji had a _lot_ to answer for.
Yosuke was clawing at his face. "Dude. _Dude_. Do you have any idea how horrible this is gonna be?"
"Don't matter," Kanji snapped, and jerked his thumb toward the locker room door. "S'your fault, so get out there an' deal with it!"
"Looking like this? Hell, no!"
Hanamura had a point; the same one Take-Mikazuchi had been hammering into Kanji's head all morning, in a way that used no words but still somehow expressed how amazingly dumb the whole 'pretty' idea had been. After checking himself out in the bathroom mirror on his way to the showers, Kanji suspected the Persona might be on to something.
Could've been worse, though. Rise might've been a little off with this Marilyn chick - but as he stared down at a huddled, twin-tailed Yosuke, Kanji made a mental note to thank her for not going with the schoolgirl look.
"Oh man, this is so, _so_ gay," muttered Yosuke, head now buried in his hands.
Nope, not a schoolgirl. Way creepier. When Naoki had stammered out that he'd seen Hanamura hurtling through the gymnasium doors and into the girls' locker room, Kanji had taken the part about a plaid miniskirt and white knee-socks for an exaggeration.
"Gayer than a unicorn eating rainbows," Yosuke babbled. "Gayer than your Shadow in pink Spandex."
"Hell'd you just say?" Kanji growled. "Dammit, you're the one hidin' in the girls' showers!"
"Hiding in plain sight! It's the one place I figured Satonaka wouldn't look." Yosuke groaned out loud and smacked his palm against his forehead. "Why does she make me _do_ these things?"
"Because you signed her up for the pageant, idiot!"
"It's completely different! She doesn't get it, she's gonna look awesome and we're just a bunch of guys in freaking dresses!"
For a horrible moment, Kanji knew Yosuke was totally, absolutely, two hundred percent right. Maybe three.
...No way. It was just Hanamura - or Hanamura's skirt. Definitely the skirt. Red plaid was hard for anyone to pull off, and it'd probably come from Junes. Kanji shook his head, instinctively vowed he'd make a replacement (guy was totally an amber), then winced.
Yosuke gave a sympathetic nod. "Dude, I know. This is so awful. If I ever have another idea like that-"
"-then I should kick your dumb ass?"
"...Yeah, go ahead. Still beats cross-dressing." He glared down at his bright red ribbon collar. "It was a joke, you know? People rag on _me_ all the time."
When Kanji had first joined the team, Yosuke's welcome routine had consisted of two week's worth of jibes over bathhouses and pretty-boy detectives. Nothing had slowed him down - not Souji's quiet warnings, or Chie's punches to the shoulder, or even Kanji's open threats to hurl the jerk over the food court fence. The same jerk who, three weeks earlier, had fought through a small army of Shadows just to save some punk who'd chased him round a picnic table. Knowing that had only pissed Kanji off more. Finally, after a particularly bad team meeting at Junes, Chie had pulled him aside by the shoe lockers after school. _Don't let Hanamura get to you_, she'd said. Something about different people trying to make friends in different ways, even if those ways were all screwed up. Pretty familiar territory. Didn't make it any less annoying.
Kanji let out a sigh. "Yeah, I know. Now, you gonna get outta there or what?" he asked, reaching a hand down into the cubicle. After a moment's pause, Yosuke grabbed hold and pulled himself upright.
"How'd you find me, anyway?" he muttered. "Did Souji figure it out?"
"Nah, Konishi saw you. Naoki," Kanji added, then remembered the qualifier had been redundant for months.
"Figures. The guy hates me. Must run in the family." Arms folded, Yosuke leaned against the back wall of the shower cubicle. "Bet he's told the girls where I am, too."
Kanji shook his head. "Naoki don't hate anyone. And the girls ain't a problem, 'cause you're gonna go out there right now."
"Maybe I can drown myself before Satonaka breaks down the cubicle door."
Glancing at the shower faucet, Kanji briefly considered trying to help. It might force Hanamura outside. Tying all those ribbons into his hair must've taken Chie forever, though, and it seemed a shame to ruin her hard work. "Quit gripin'," he snapped. "You're a man, ain't ya?"
"Which is _totally_ why I need to prance around a stage in a skirt. And hey, after we're done with that, maybe we can go bake cookies!" Yosuke threw up his hands. "Then we'll sit on the sofa together, bust out some Witch Detective books and-"
Sometimes a man had to draw a line. Witch Detective was _awesome_ and Kanji was about to threaten to break Hanamura's legs if he even thought about ragging on it, when a voice came from somewhere near the changing room door. It was quiet, slightly nervous - and definitely female.
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
Yosuke paled. "_Dude_."
"The hell-" Kanji managed, before Yosuke grabbed his arm, yanked him inside the cubicle and slammed the door.
"If-if there's someone in here," the voice asked, much closer this time, "then please say something?"
"...Shit, I know her!" Ayane Matsunga: fellow first-year, kind of skittish, played trumpet in a way that made Kanji wish the sewing club didn't meet so close to the music practice room. Rise had sworn up and down she had some sort of crush on him, which was probably just another boredom-induced product of the Kujikawa rumor mill but had still left Kanji feeling severely awkward.
An elbow smacked against his ribs. "Then answer!"
"She'll know I'm a guy, dumbass!" Kanji hissed.
"So pretend!" Yosuke hissed back.
"You've got the higher voice!"
"You're the one who thinks he looks pretty!"
"You like bein' a girl?" Kanji snarled. "Hope so - 'cause if you don't say something, I'm gonna rip your balls off!"
For a moment, Yosuke just glowered at him in silence - then rolled his eyes and turned back to the door. "H-hi!" he trilled. "What's up?"
"I-I just need to use that shower. The water heats up really slowly in the others." Ayane hesitated. "Um...are-are there two of you in there?"
"Yep!" Yosuke squeaked. "We're - uh - doing our hair! You know how long that takes!"
"...In a shower cubicle? Both of you?"
"Like, totally! Why waste water?"
In the brief pause that followed, Kanji swore he heard a giggle.
"But...the tap isn't running."
"C-conditioner. Gotta leave it on, right?" Yosuke stammered. Kanji wondered how he'd know. Kanji, right now, was wondering a lot of things, including just what Yasogami High's policy was on guys who were found in drag, in the girls' changing room, and in a shower with Yosuke Hanamura.
Again, Ayane paused. "Oh. Okay. I'll, um, just wait here then."
"No! I-I mean, my friend, she's like, so super-shy!" Hanamura's voice, shaky to start with, had begun to crack on every other word. "So you have to go away. Right now."
"But I-"
"Besides, you totally don't wanna see her, she's all hairy and lumpy and-"
In a split-second of blind rage, Kanji shoved Yosuke against the cubicle door. Fortunately, it gave way under the impact. Unfortunately, momentum sent Yosuke tumbling out of the shower with a high-pitched yelp, matched by Ayane's surprised squeak as he hit the floor by her feet.
Kanji cursed under his breath. Supposed to keep his temper, dammit, even with assholes who fully deserved to be shoved out a fifth-floor window instead of just a shower, and now he'd spooked Ayane too. Wasn't difficult, but still. "Sorry, Matsunga, I-"
"I dunno, Kanji-kun. Maybe Ayane-chan and me should apologize for interrupting?"
In retrospect, he should've twigged sooner. If a situation involved him being completely mortified, made to look like an idiot, or both, then it probably also involved Rise Kujikawa - who was standing behind Ayane, both hands gripping the other girl's shoulders.
Ayane's own hands were clapped over her eyes. "Tatsumi-kun, H-Hanamura-senpai, I'm so, so sorry! She made me do it!"
Rise beamed cheerfully. "Yep, my bad. I totally didn't realize we'd be disturbing your shower," she chirped, then shook her head. "If only I'd known you and Yosuke-senpai were so close!"
Kanji stared. On the floor, Yosuke seemed to be having some sort of seizure.
"You-you-" he spluttered, scrabbling to get up while holding down his skirt with one hand. "Rise, I-I swear, if you _ever_ tell anyone about this-!"
"Don't you worry, Yosuke-senpai," said Rise, with a wink that made Kanji re-evaluate Yosuke's drowning plan. "We'll leave you and Kanji-kun to your special alone time. Gotta make sure we get a good view for the pageant!"
Rise had started for the locker room door before she'd finished speaking, and if Kanji didn't know better, he'd have sworn she skipped the rest of the way. Ayane wasn't quite as fast, mostly because she apologized six more times before Rise pulled her out into the corridor - shooting Yosuke and Kanji one final grin before disappearing herself.
Yosuke stared after her, eyes wide in disbelief. "How can someone that cute be so...so..."
Usually, Kanji would've figured this for just a typical Rise prank - but twice in the same day, in quick succession? Something was up. Something he suspected would keep making his life more and more difficult.
"I mean, she's _Risette_!" Yosuke paused, swallowed - and, if possible, turned even paler. "And she's gonna tell the whole school you and I were showering together."
"No she ain't." Kanji hauled Yosuke up from the floor again, this time by his shoulders. "C'mon, we gotta get to the auditorium."
"Whatever, Tatsumi. It's alright for you, everybody already thinks you're-"
"Don't care," Kanji snapped. "And I ain't lumpy."
* * *
Kanji would've liked to track down Rise and figure out what the hell was up, or at least do more yelling - except it hadn't worked any of the other five billion times he'd tried and he was too busy dragging Yosuke across the sports field. Contest was due to start any moment, and no way was he missing it.
"We could hide on the roof," Yosuke was babbling. "They'd never look there."
Hell, he'd made himself a dress, shelled out a small fortune for a pair of custom heels, let Rise plaster him with eyeshadow and lipstick, and guaranteed Naoto would avoid him for the next ten years. He'd _earned_ this pageant.
"Or hey, just shove me in a locker, I don't-"
"Shut it," Kanji growled, trying to dislodge his left heel from the mud.
Hauling Hanamura made for slow going, and by the time they made it to the school building, the corridors were already deserted. As Kanji pulled Yosuke past the first-floor classrooms and toward the auditorium, the sound of a crackling speaker gradually grew louder.
"_…for the 'Miss' Yasogami High Contest, and our beautiful ladies are raring to go!"_
"Hey! Over here! The pageant's starting!"
Kanji glanced up. A short way past the auditorium entrance, a long-haired girl was standing in a narrow doorway, clutching a clipboard with one hand and waving with the other. He didn't know her name – only that Souji had made him and Yosuke lug a big-ass metal board down three floors of the bathhouse and to school the next day, just so she could fix up a desk.
Senpai did that sort of thing a lot.
Behind him, Yosuke let out a dramatic sigh. "Oh, _great_," he muttered. "One of Saki-senpai's friends. Probably already thinks I'm a freak, why not prove it?"
Didn't look that way to Kanji. If anything, the girl just seemed cross. "We ain't missed anything?" he asked her.
"Not yet." She traced a finger down her clipboard, lips pursed. "Let's see…Hanamura and Tatsumi. You guys are seriously late!"
"Sorry, Fujiwara-senpai," mumbled Yosuke.
Fujiwara ignored him with ease. "Go in here and up the stairs," she said, stepping away from the door, "and be ready to get onstage quickly, okay?"
Kanji ducked through the door - Yosuke still in tow and still muttering under his breath - and hobbled up a narrow flight of steps. At the top, Souji, Daisuke and a disgruntled-looking Kou were waiting in the left wing of the stage.
Kou let out a sigh. "Man, why didn't you guys drop out? Kashwagi might've let us leave too."
"Get real, Ichijo." Daisuke rolled his eyes. "The school could catch fire and she'd still have us out there in drag." He shrugged and turned to Yosuke. "Be glad it wasn't her who went looking for you - or Satonaka."
"Either of 'em would've got him quicker." Wouldn't have been trapped in a shower with him either, but Kanji decided to leave that part out.
"No harm done." Souji smiled cheerfully and clapped him on the shoulder. "By the way, you're the first two on-stage."
"_What_?" squawked Yosuke.
"You weren't here, Teddie still hasn't shown up, and Daisuke and Kou were about to take off too. It looked like I'd end up winning by default, so..."
"...you decided to make our lives even more miserable?"
"Stop whining, Hanamura. Not like you're gonna be alone up there." Daisuke tipped his head toward Kanji. "We told 'em to call Tatsumi out first."
"Uh," said Kanji.
_"She's a runaway express train who's Inaba born and bred, and can kill with both her fists and her looks! Presenting... Kanji-chan, of the first year Class _3!"
"Be a man, Tatsumi!" Daisuke roared, and shoved Kanji square in the center of his back.
Normally this wouldn't have mattered; Daisuke was a soccer player, not a brawler. Unfortunately, heels were way harder to walk in than Kanji had expected, especially when they were welded from lumps of metal which had probably been Shadow guts in a previous life. Off-balance, he staggered forward onto the brightly-lit stage - and the audience burst out laughing.
He'd expected some snide comments, a few sneers. Hell, those were easy. This wasn't, and it made him think of the kids back in middle school; the ones who'd poked fun when he answered wrong in class and laughed their asses off just because he'd sewn a girl's schoolbag back together. It figured that most of those morons would've moved on to Yasogami High too.
Even the asshole holding the mike was chuckling. "She's a vision of grace, isn't she?"
Part of Kanji wanted to toss the wig, kick off the damn shoes and make a break for it. Part of Kanji wanted to grab the nearest stage-lamp and beat the announcer round the head.
Part of Kanji, however, had just spotted Naoto standing in the audience and figured,_ why the hell not. _
Yeah, he could do this. Had it all in check. With the most confident walk he could manage in a pair of metal shoes, Kanji tottered to the center of the stage and leaned down to the microphone. "S'up!"
The laughter only grew louder. Whether the teachers had made attendance compulsory or whether most of the school just liked watching people suffer, he wasn't sure. It didn't seem all that relevant after he glanced back down at the third row - where, next to a beaming, waving Rise, Naoto was watching him with one hand on the brim of her cap. She definitely wasn't laughing. Okay, so she never did, but a guy took comfort where he could, right? Kanji would've taken it for a lot longer - Naoto had just pushed up her hat and gotten up on tiptoes to peer over the row in front - if the announcer hadn't started jabbering again.
"Now, don't rip me apart for asking, Kanji-chan-" - and here, Kanji mentally yelled that only Ma was allowed to call him that (quietly adding that Naoto would be totally cool too) - "-but what would you say is your best feature?"
His instinctive response - his fists, and the idiot was welcome to come over and get a close-up view - didn't seem lady-like. Couldn't go with his hair, either. What else could look pretty on someone? "Uh...my eyes?"
"Whoa - a conventional answer from this all-too-unconventional beauty! They're certainly captivating, Kanji-chan!"
One good swing of a lamp. Wasn't much to ask. Souji probably wouldn't understand, though, and Naoto would take it even worse, so Kanji settled for wobbling to the far end of the stage instead, muttering darkly and wishing everyone would quit laughing so hard. This wasn't going _anything_ like he'd hoped.
With a quick wink in his direction, the announcer turned back to the audience. "After such a strong start, I don't know how much of a chance the others have, but here's our second contestant!"
The sound of irregular footsteps came from somewhere off-stage, followed by an unhappy yelp.
"An eloquent heiress of the noble Junes, she's pure disappointment from the moment she opens her mouth! Presenting... Yosuke-chan, from the second-year Class 2!"
Chie had gone with knee socks and buckled black shoes, so Yosuke recovered from Daisuke's shove forward much more gracefully. Unfortunately, she'd also gone with a mini-skirt, and the front row of the audience was pressed up against the edge of the stage. Legs shut tight and hands clamped over his thighs, Yosuke wriggled his way to the microphone and made a feeble attempt at a smile. "H-Hi!"
This time the laughter was punctuated with yells of '_Junes_!'. Yosuke's flinch was visible from three meters away.
The announcer gestured toward him, sweeping a hand up and down. "You look ready to win in that outfit, Yosuke-chan! Do you often dress like this?"
"Hell no!" Yosuke snapped - then winced, coughed, and tried again in an even higher pitch. "Uh, like, no way!"
Hanamura still couldn't fake a girl's voice even if his life depended on it, but Kanji figured he deserved credit for trying. He wouldn't get it for anything else, judging by the jeers rising from the audience and the fact that Chie and Yukiko were practically bent double with laughter down in the second row. Asshole had brought it on himself, but Kanji couldn't help a vague twinge of pity.
"Of course, of course - and the ladies department at Junes must be so convenient. I'm sure you can give Kanji-chan a few tips, right?"
Somehow, this pissed Kanji off more than all the laughter combined. A team of monkeys could design better outfits than the stuff at Junes, and at least they might sew it together properly. He shot a quick glare at the announcer, followed by another at Hanamura, who was blushing six shades of red at once as he squirmed to the edge of the stage.
"This. Is. _Terrible_," he hissed.
"What's _with_ this?" Kanji muttered back, catching Rise's eye again and scowling as she blew him a kiss. "We're laughing stocks up here!"
Yosuke made a noise of disgust. "Dude, what did you think this was about?"
It figured, really. Kanji might've been cool with the dress thing at first, maybe even a little keyed up over it - but expecting everyone else to feel the same way ranked as one of his life's dumber moments.
...Screw'em. As he glanced down at the audience and watched Naoto grab hold of Rise's arm and yank it back down to her side, Kanji decided it was all totally worth it.
"Now for our third contestant! She has the mildly bitter tang of the city, and she's made more girls cry than there are stars in the sky. Presenting our transfer student who's been breaking hearts in the second-year Class 2, Souji-chan!"
Souji had walked on-stage before the announcer finished speaking, probably so Daisuke couldn't shove him out there first. As he made his way to the microphone, the few hecklers in the audience were drowned out by giggles and cheers - none of which could compete with Rise's squealed "_Go Senpai!_"
"I really hate him sometimes," Yosuke grumbled.
Souji approached the microphone, staff propped casually over one shoulder. "Hey."
"Wow, sounds like your entrance is causing quite a stir! Did you sign yourself up?"
"Of course. Being in a beauty pageant is one of my life goals."
The girls in the audience had started giggling again. Didn't sound anything like the way they'd been laughing before. Not for the first time, Kanji wondered exactly what it was that Senpai had and why nobody else did.
"I knew it. He finally cracked up," Yosuke muttered to Kanji, tapping his left temple. "Too many Personas."
"Any words for your adoring public?"
"Just that I hope you vote for me," Souji answered, then hesistated. "And, uh, sorry about all those broken hearts. Guess I'm a ladies'...lady."
"One with a competitive streak - and with that staff she's carrying, our other ladies had better watch out!" As Souji moved to the back of the stage, the announcer swept an arm toward the opposite wing. "I've already had about enough of this, but there's still more to come. It's two for the price of one with our fourth and fifth contestants, a pair of shy Shakespearean sweethearts who just can't stand to be apart - the enchanting Kou-chan from Class 2-3, and the equally radiant Daisuke-chan from Class 2-1!"
"What're you trying to say?" hollered Daisuke, dragging Kou on stage by his frilled shoulders.
"Fascinating outfits there, ladies! Can we expect to see you in this afternoon's costumed delights?"
Kou seemed to be trying to disappear into the ruffle around his neck. "Not in this get-up, and at least I die at the end."
"A great loss indeed!" The announcer turned to the audience. "Now, our beautiful girls _are_ supposed to demonstrate their charms one by one - but these two just insisted on being a couple. Daisuke-chan, Kou-chan, could you tell us why?"
Daisuke grabbed the microphone stand. "'Cause it's his fault I'm up here!" he yelled, with a sideways scowl at Kou and a painful screeching sound from the speakers around the hall.
"Dude! You're the one who wouldn't back down!" Kou snatched the stand from his grip. "It-it was a bet. A bet!"
"My, my...I think our ladies doth protest too much!" The announcer peered down at the paper in his hand. "Our final contestant is a last-minute, unaffiliated entrant. Calling herself 'King of the TV World', she's a cute, sexy little number!"
"This'll be great," whispered Yosuke. "Naoto-kun probably put him in a tux."
"Give a warm welcome to Teddie-chan!"
_"Gimme your hearts!" _
As one of the most adorable girls he'd ever seen pranced onto the stage, Kanji was torn between wondering where Naoto had learned to make a guy look so pretty (and whether it could've worked on him), and worrying that the pageant was about to answer his Big Question in a completely different way than he'd intended. Because Teddie looked…cute. Really cute. Weird blue dress or otherwise.
Forget Souji winning the contest. Teddie – a guy, Kanji reminded himself, a freaking fuzzy _bear - _was on a whole other level.
"This is so utterly disturbing," muttered Souji, while Yosuke twitched, coughed, then pointedly looked away.
For the first time that day, the announcer wasn't smirking. "So, uh, Teddie-chan!" he choked, eyes glaring holes in his paper. "W-What's it like being royalty?"
"It's great!" Teddie chirped. A few stray sparkles glittered around his head. "People give me dresses and Topsicles and yellow scarves and I get to score with princesses like Yuk-"
The rest was lost in a muffled squeak. Souji had yanked Teddie away from the microphone with one hand clamped over the bear's mouth, still wearing a bright and completely unconvincing smile. "Sorry. Competitive streak."
"Well. If Souji-chan can calm herself down long enough, then it's time to ask our audience to pick a winner! Which of these blushing beauties captured your hearts? Ladies, please leave the stage!"
* * *
"The girls," Yosuke said weightily, "can never, ever punish us again."
Kanji grunted in response, not wanting to release the thread clenched between his teeth.
"Seriously, this is payback for everything. The campout, the contest, even the stuff we haven't thought about doing yet."
"That _you_ haven't. And you'd better not." Souji was slumped in a beat-up director's chair, freshly returned from a ten-minute lecture on Things Bears Don't Say In Public. It explained why he kept kneading his knuckles against his forehead – and probably why Teddie hadn't come back to the prop room with him. Meanwhile, Kanji had spent most of the break desperately trying to reattach the various parts Kou had torn off his dress in the scramble to beat Daisuke backstage, and wishing Senpai had stuck around to help. Daisuke had tried, even volunteering a few safety-pins to fix up the lace hem, in what would've been a nice gesture if they hadn't been holding his corset together.
Didn't help that Kou was still wearing the fricking dress, either. "Quit squirming, dammit!"
"Then quit using my arm as a pin-cushion," grumbled Kou. "Dunno why you're even bothering. That exchange student's gonna walk this one anyway."
"Yeah." Daisuke sighed, in what didn't sound much at all like disappointment. "Dude, he looked so-"
Yosuke coughed, loudly.
"...Looked what?" Kou's voice had halved in volume and doubled in pitch.
"Uh. You know."
"No I don't," Yosuke quickly answered.
"Right! Right." Daisuke nodded a little too eagerly. "Me too. Uh, neither."
Everything went quiet after that – and when a slightly sulky Teddie showed up a few minutes later, it got quieter still. Kanji concentrated on pinning the last few scraps of lace to Kou's sleeves, feeling happily reassured. He was just about done when Fujiwara peered around the door to the prop room, clipboard still in hand.
"You're up, guys," she said as she waved them out the door. "They've counted the votes. I can't wait to see who won!"
Teddie immediately brightened and tried to wrap himself around Souji's arm. "Neither can Teddie! Ultimate victory awaits!"
All six filed back out onto the stage, with Kanji stuck going first again - but at least he'd prepped himself this time. If he concentrated hard enough on glaring at the back wall, he barely even noticed the audience snickering.
The announcer stood by the curtain, microphone in one hand and a bright pink rosette in the other. "Ladies, you'll be happy to know that all the votes are in! The winner of this year's 'Miss' Yasogami pageant is…"
Deep down, Kanji had already accepted failure – but he still held his breath.
"...the random contestant who won everybody's hearts, Ms. Teddie!"
With a whoop of joy, Teddie punched the air with both hands. "Team Teddie's dream is accomplished!"
Winning would've been awesome, no matter how much flak he'd have taken – but Kanji's pang of disappointment faded quickly. Ted deserved this one. Besides, it was kind of like Naoto had won too, right?
"As our champion, Ms. Teddie, you'll receive a very special prize. Later this afternoon, you'll be an honorary judge in the Miss Yasogami Pageant - with actual beauties, this time!"
"An honorary judge? That's _it?_" Yosuke's expression darkened. "Ten million yen wouldn't make this worthwhile."
Kanji shrugged. "I dunno. Ted seems happy." Happy enough to keep skipping across the stage, even though the announcer kept trying to give him the rosette.
"Ted's an idiot!"
"The long-awaited day has finally come!" Teddie twirled in place, blond hair flowing behind him. "I decree that one of the judging criteria later this afternoon will be…a swimsuit competition!"
"I take it all back," breathed Yosuke, awestruck.
The audience erupted into a mixture of cheers and giggles - yet somehow, over it all, Kanji could still hear Chie's furious yell. _"Over my dead body!"_
"Or over Teddie's." Souji was rubbing his forehead again. "I don't know why I bother."
Wait. _Wait_.
Naoto was still in the contest, right?
"Teddie, you - you - c'mon, he can't just do that!"
Naoto. Swimsuit.
"It's called karma, Satonaka! Look it up!"
Kanji swore his nose had started to bleed.
Problem was that he couldn't check, since he'd frozen solid at some point in the past fifteen seconds.
"I swear, Hanamura, I am _so _going to - ugh, what is _wrong_ with you guys?"
_Think of something else, Tatsumi._ Anything else. Kittens. Sunsets. Tuesday morning's Physics class.
Naoto Shirogane in a-
All of Yosuke and Chie's yelling, all of the audience's laughter, none of it had made a dent - until something landed on his shoulder and held tight. Kanji was snapped back to awareness, soon enough to both avoid bursting a blood vessel and feel just a little resentful.
"…Time to wake up, Tatsumi," Souji was saying, hand still gripping Kanji's shoulder. "I've got another lecture to give."
24. Chapter 19
_A/N: Longer between updates than I'd like, but it beats 15 months...working on cutting it down. Not sure if this chapter turned out well. Next part is a Naoto interlude.
_
_Story so far: Inaba's least eligible bachelorettes fumbled their way through the 'Miss' Yasogami contest, and Rise still somehow managed to make Kanji's life even worse._
_In this part: Naoto's not much of a brawler, Kanji finally gets a clue, and Yosuke is Teddie's biggest fan._
* * *
**October 30th, 2011**
Souji leaned on his staff, idly twirling a plait. "Well, that was interesting."
"I think you mean horrifying," Yosuke corrected with a derisive snort. "Or hideous, or atrocious, or - gimme a sec, I'll go ask Naoto-kun for more adjectives."
Given the look on her face at the end of Teddie's victory speech, Kanji suspected most of Naoto's current vocabulary would be unrepeatable even by his standards. He was personally torn between handing the bear a medal and hurling him in the nearest television, because while Naoto in a swimsuit was way more than he'd expected to see, it risked being way too much. Kanji hadn't known it was possible for something to be too awesome, or someone, especially if that someone was-
The thought was cut off by a streak of yellow and blue flying across the auditorium and flinging itself round Souji's waist. "Sensei! Wasn't Teddie-chan pretty?"
"Of course you were," Souji agreed, using his free arm to smack a spluttering Yosuke in the shoulder.
"Aren't you gonna ditch that outfit?" Daisuke asked Teddie, eyes wide. He, Kou and Yosuke had fallen over each other racing to the changing room after the contest; miniskirts and meringue dresses just weren't made for running in. Kanji had beaten them there walking. Souji, for some reason, hadn't bothered to change at all.
Teddie tipped his head. "Maybe. Can I keep my hair like this?"
"It's a nice look, but save it for special occasions." A blonde girl walked up beside them - one of the second-years, Kanji thought - and shot Souji a quick smile which immediately shifted into a smirk at Daisuke and Kou. "Both lost the bet, huh?"
"Yeah, and it's all your fault." Kou jabbed a thumb toward his chest. "I would've made an awesome girl if I'd had the right help."
"Funny, I worked on this little doll and he turned out just fine."
Kanji glanced at Teddie, who was still clinging to Souji's dress. "Thought Naoto was helpin' you?"
Teddie nodded toward the girl. "Ai-chan did most of it. Nao-chan drew stuff on my face." His forehead creased in thought. "Oh, but she also gave me-"
"C'mon, Sparkles," Ai cut in, ushering Teddie away. "We need to get that makeup off before it clogs your pores. Bye, Souji."
As Teddie and Ai wandered off, hand-in-hand, Kanji frowned at Souji. "You said you were gonna yell at him."
Guilt flickered over Souji's face. "...I, uh, reconsidered."
"Translation!" crowed Yosuke, still tugging the ribbons out of his hair. "Souji finally remembered he's a guy and that girls in swimsuits are awesome."
"...It's not like that."
Gaze distant and dreamy, Yosuke ignored him. "I'm telling you, Ted's a genius."
'Genius' didn't quite fit. Kanji couldn't think of a word that did, only that lately it might also apply to Rise.
"One with seriously weird taste in clothes, though." Yosuke grimaced. "What was he going for, the maid look?"
"Yours weren't no better," Kanji pointed out. Seriously, _red plaid_.
"Hey, at least I didn't look like I'd wandered out of the red light district!"
Souji poked him with the staff. "No, but you were the only one wearing a short skirt."
"Dude, that's _low_." Yosuke frowned, wounded. "You seriously think I chose that getup?"
"I picked mine."
"How? You were with Yukiko, and she-"
"-wanted to put me in a pink yukata and make me hold a parasol," Souji finished. "We reached a compromise."
Kanji had spent the conversation staring at Senpai's outfit; he'd definitely seen it before. "You look like someone. Late-night movie I saw. Girl was swinging a sword around trying to kill these killer bat kinda-"
"_Chiroptera_," Souji blurted, then quickly looked away. "I, uh, saw the film. Once. Years ago."
Yosuke raised an eyebrow. "Huh. Anything to do with those vampire books I found under your - ow!"
"C'mon, Souji-senpai, don't break your props!" Rise ducked into the center of the group and pulled the wooden staff back from Yosuke's ribs. "You need them for your photos!"
Souji nodded. "Good point. Want to do them now?"
"I gotta borrow Kanji-kun first." She swiveled toward Kanji, who glowered back down at her. "You've got a few minutes to help Risette, right? It's about Naoto-kun," she added, voice sing-song.
After her two stunts today, Kanji had every intention of telling Rise to go get bent, or at least bother Senpai instead. But dammit, Naoto was involved. What if it was important?
Scratch that. Everything involving Naoto was important. "Fine - but I'm only doing this to keep you off my back, yeah?"
Smirking, Rise grabbed his sleeve and tugged him toward the auditorium door - or at least, he let her do it.
"I'm still pissed," he muttered as he followed her out into the corridor. "You've been actin' up all morning."
"Gonna have to get used to it some day, Kanji-kun. And you get to help out Naoto-kun, so I _know_ you're gonna be interested."
Help? Was Naoto in trouble? And if she was, why wasn't Rise more freaked out? "...You better not be screwing with me, Rise."
As they rounded the corner, Rise flashed him a brilliant smile, then pointed down the hall.
A few meters ahead, Chie was standing outside the guys' bathroom, hands on hips and a frown on her face. "It's not like I wanna do this either, Naoto-kun! It's the principle of the thing!"
Rise nudged him in the arm. "Go in there and drag Naoto-kun out, okay? Chie-senpai's been yelling at her through the door for the past five minutes and she's totally ignoring us."
Kanji couldn't blame her. Chie was now midway through a string of idle threats, broken only when three third-year boys shoved past her and into the bathroom. She glared at them, then at the closing door - and then, for some reason, at Kanji.
Seriously? This didn't seem like _helping_ Naoto at all.
"I'm telling you, we've got to stick together on this," Chie insisted, while Yukiko squeezed her shoulder consolingly. "We're supposed to be a team, and Kashiwagi and Ohtani - you saw it, they're gonna - ugh!"
Rise waved her hand toward Kanji. "It's okay, Chie-senpai, I brought Kanji-kun! Gotta go now, Souji-senpai promised to keep his dress on until I took photos. Later!" she called out, already darting back down the corridor.
"..Hey, hold on." Chie's brow furrowed with confusion. "I thought she was gonna ask _him_ to help us." She turned to Kanji. "Well, whatever, it's pretty simple. You just need to make Naoto-kun get out here."
Kanji frowned at the bathroom door, wondering how anyone could ever persuade Naoto to do anything she didn't want. "Can't one'a you guys get her?"
Chie frowned at him. Yukiko gave a polite cough.
"It's the boys' bathroom, Kanji-kun," she said quietly.
"Yeah, but-"
"You and Naoto-kun get along now, right?" Chie waved a hand toward the door, as if to emphasize that all this was now Kanji's responsibility. "C'mon, the pageant's starting soon!"
At any another time and in any another situation, Kanji would've just stormed off. But this was Naoto, who he couldn't just abandon and who he still really wanted to be in the damn pageant, even if he shouldn't. Hell, he'd spent the morning pressed up against Yosuke Hanamura in a shower cubicle and gone squishy over a cross-dressing Teddie. He deserved some sort of reassurance, and the sort he needed - one that would cover both the past six months and the doubts he'd been swallowing long before - would be hard to come by. The pageant was his best shot.
Problem was, Naoto _really_ didn't want to take part.
Yukiko's hand landed gently on his forearm. "I'm sure you can talk Naoto-kun round, Kanji-kun. We'd be very grateful."
That one comment settled it. He'd risk Chie's nerve-wracked wrath, but an unhappy Yukiko was a deal-breaker - especially if Ma ever found out. With a shake of his head and a grunt he figured might pass for agreement, Kanji pushed open the bathroom door.
This was gonna end badly. He'd say something stupid, Naoto would get all prickly, and then everyone would be mad at him for messing up. The best solution he'd thought of so far was telling her to stay right where she was; she'd probably be out like a shot. Or he could just go get Souji, like Rise should've done begin with. Instead he was stuck trying to talk Naoto out of a funk while Rise whirled Senpai through a photo shoot - which, thinking about it, was probably exactly the outcome she'd-
"-and I don't see why this is an issue."
It was Naoto's voice, low and tight. Standing in the passage between the door and the main bathroom, Kanji almost didn't catch it. The one that followed - and that he didn't recognize - was louder. "Because you ain't allowed in here."
"I used this restroom for most of the semest-"
"Only 'cause you were lying." Same voice again, and others were murmuring underneath. "Thought we were stupid, right?"
Kanji took a step forward on instinct, but caught himself before the second.
Maybe it wasn't how it sounded. He'd been here before, or at least somewhere close to it, and he was sick of Naoto yelling at him.
"I have no quarrel with any of you," Naoto was saying. "Please step aside."
"C'mon, Shirogane! You wanna be a guy, then you've gotta fight like one."
Kanji stormed round the corner before he had chance to think.
He could barely see Naoto for the bunch of third-years crowded around her at the far end of the bathroom. No idea who most of them were, save for the guy in the middle. Kanji might not have remembered the voice, but he knew the face. One of the punks who always kicked up a racket outside Aiya late at night. Sonoda or something. Wasn't like it mattered.
Kanji stepped forward, hands already balled into tight fists. "You got a problem, asshole?"
Naoto darted a glance toward him, then gestured impatiently toward the door. "Kanji-kun, there's no need to-"
"What, you here to save little Shirogane-kun? Figures." Sonoda's mouth curled into a sneer. "Queers stick together."
Two strides across the bathroom and one good punch would've settled it - but in the instant it took to reach her side, Naoto had moved between Kanji and Sonoda. She stared up at him, eyes narrowed dangerously. "Kanji, you _aren't_ helping."
"You heard your boyfriend, 'Kanji-kun'," Sonoda jeered. "You seriously think I'm scared of someone who just went up on stage in a dress?"
At that, the cronies all started sniggering. Kanji clenched his jaw, tried and failed to unclench his fists - spineless bastards, at least Sonoda had the guts to speak up - then felt a hand latch onto his forearm.
Naoto shot him another warning glare, then looked up at Sonoda. "Leave him alone. He's done nothing to you."
"Bet he's done plenty to _you_, the queer."
"You appear to be preoccupied with that word." Her tone was one Kanji hadn't heard since the summer; all superiority and crisp contempt. "Some sort of complex, perhaps?"
She hadn't finished the last word before Sonoda had jerked her forward by her shirt collar and pinned her against the wall. He hadn't finished pulling back his fist before Kanji grabbed his arm and wrenched it at the elbow, harder than he might've intended and not nearly as hard as he'd have liked.
Sonoda yelped and tried to twist with the motion, bringing them face-to-face - or rather, one face tilted up to meet the other.
Kanji scowled down at him. "You _want_ me to beat the shit outta you?"
There were murmurs around them, a few shuffled feet, but none of Sonoda's so-called friends stepped in.
Naoto did. "Kanji, let him go!"
"But he-"
"I said,_ let him go_." Her hand was back on his arm, clutching the sleeve of his shirt. "Now."
Later that night, Kanji would mentally kick himself for backing down so easily - but right then, he let his grip go slack.
As Sonoda yanked his arm away with a visible wince, Naoto squared her shoulders and pointed to his chest. "You. Leave. Unless you would prefer a visit to the Inaba police station?"
Glaring back at her, breathing hard, Sonoda hesitated - _just try it_, Kanji thought - then, after a moment, turned away.
Naoto gave a curt nod, followed by a sharp, backhanded motion toward the other four boys. "The same applies to the rest of you."
Nobody answered. They shuffled and fidgeted instead, nervous glances skimming over her and Kanji and never quite settling on Sonoda. Eventually, one of them - to Kanji's mind, the closest thing to a real man in a bad bunch - stepped forward, placed a hand on Sonoda's shoulder, and nodded toward the exit.
The group filed out into the corridor without a word or even a glance back - except for Sonoda. The brief sneer he shot at Kanji shifted into a longer glare at Naoto, and when he opened his mouth as if to speak, Kanji had to fight the urge to shove a fist straight in. Fortunately for Sonoda, his one friend pulled him round the corner into the passageway, and whatever retort he wanted to make never made it past his lips. Instead the only sound was a closing door, leaving Kanji and Naoto standing opposite each other in awkward silence.
Kanji had expected her to yell at him. If the alternative was this - her glaring at the floor and biting her lip, him still clenching his fists to hold himself in place - then he really wished she would. But the silence just stretched out longer and tighter, and when he found himself contemplating punching a mirror just to break the tension, he finally caved. "You alright?"
"There was no need for-" Naoto snapped, like he'd flipped a switch, then stopped just as suddenly. When she spoke again, her voice was level and cool. "I had the situation perfectly in hand. You are already on academic probation, an incident like this could-"
"But he tried t'-"
"The idiot simply pushed me. Your reaction was unnecessary."
The only thing that hadn't been necessary was Naoto's smart mouth. It was going to get her in serious trouble. Hell, it already had - which was equally bad news for Kanji, because it meant he'd have to trail around after her for the rest of his life beating down people she'd pissed off and hoping she wouldn't notice. He stared at the mirror, running a hand through his hair. "Look, coming in here...people, they _know_ about you now."
"A fact of which I am quite aware. I made a snap decision, correctly predicting Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai wouldn't follow." It would've been smug even for Naoto, if she hadn't quietly added, "I didn't anticipate them sending you."
"Good thing they did."
Naoto had moved to stand against the opposite the wall, her back ramrod straight. "That was not my first encounter with Sonoda. His behavior is irrelevant." In the mirror, Kanji watched her fold her arms tightly over her chest. "Particularly right now."
Even if he'd wanted to stay mad at her - and honestly, he sort of did - something in her expression caught Kanji. Couldn't say what it was, exactly - but given the situation, it wasn't difficult to work out.
He sighed. "That bad, huh?"
Naoto gave him a questioning look.
"The contest," he continued, turning away from the mirror to face her. "S'why you're hiding in here."
"I'm _not_ hiding." The words were quick, crisp, and totally unconvincing. Reflex, Kanji figured. Like jerking your hand away from a fire.
"Quit pretending, alright?" Then, a little softer - because she really did look like she was going to yell at him now, or worse - "Nobody'd blame you."
"I wasn't-" she began, then stopped with a tiny shake of her head.
"C'mon. I already had to talk one guy out of a bathroom today and you're way tougher than Hanamura."
Naoto managed something close to a half-smile, but didn't answer. She still wouldn't look Kanji in the eye.
"You don't hafta be in it," he said, his own gaze shifting to one of the stall doors. "Told you that already." _I just want you to be. _
Like she'd care what he wanted. Kanji hated feeling so sorry for himself - so his crush dropped out of a beauty pageant, big deal - but he'd built this up into way more than he ever should. His final answer. Worse, he hadn't let the idea go, even after Naoto had said outright she didn't want to take part. Honestly, he'd tried, but every time he tried to push the thought away it twisted and tangled into something else: the feeling that Naoto had screwed him up for months by lying and needed to fix it. She owed him, right?
...Except she didn't, because he hadn't told her any of that crap and because it'd been stuck in his head long before she ever set foot in Inaba. Kanji had the sudden suspicion that he'd been missing the point - and that his Big Question wouldn't and couldn't be solved by somebody who still hadn't found the answer to their own.
Naoto hadn't spoken. When he glanced up, she was looking toward the door. "I don't wish to disappoint anyone," she finally muttered, her fingers curling absently around her left cuff. "Or to contradict Seta-senpai."
Kanji frowned. "He said you couldn't drop out?"
"Of course not! Senpai would never-" Naoto stopped short and tipped up her chin, brave and defiant. The overall effect would've inspired another one of Kanji's soft and gooey moments, if he hadn't suddenly felt so sick. "He _isn't_ like that."
"Right, right." 'Course Senpai wasn't. Wouldn't try to push Naoto into anything. Wouldn't be wishing he could, either. "Heard you guys were gettin' along. Hangin' out."
"Seta-senpai is assisting me with a personal matter. A minor one." Her eyes had fixed on a floor tile a step or so to Kanji's left. "Nothing significant."
Kanji wanted to ask exactly what _would_ be, because 'personal' was dangerously close to 'none of your business', and that sounded pretty damn significant to him. He knew better than to actually do it. "Naoto...at least come outside, yeah?" he tried. "Contest won't be that bad. Ours was alright."
Naoto stared at him.
"Okay, it sucked. But s'over now and nobody's gonna laugh at you like they did us."
"Neither Rise nor I were laughing. But this - it - it's different for you." She pressed her palm to her forehead, eyes closed. "And this additional section! What was Teddie thinking?"
Kanji was pretty certain he knew the answer to that, but opted to stay quiet.
"He can't declare such a change unilaterally," Naoto continued, rapid and firm. "It will have to go to a vote, I'm absolutely not - this is _ridiculous_, Kanji, we have a murder case to pursue and we're wasting time on a pointless spectacle!"
Same conversation they'd had back on top of the hill, and she hadn't liked his answer then. Kanji hesitated, watching her pace back and forth in front of the mirror and wondering if he should just keep his mouth shut. By her third lap, he figured that wasn't going to work. "Hey...what's wrong?"
Naoto stopped dead, glanced up at him for a half-second, then turned and leaned forward against the bathroom counter.
"I-I thought I could - the contest, it didn't seem so bad before." Both her hands were gripping the counter's edge. "But this - there's no way, I don't care how much Chie-senpai threatens me or what Seta-senpai says or what you -" The sentence ended with a sharp shake of her head.
"Rise'll be up there with you," Kanji offered. "She don't mind."
Naoto's glare could have withered a cactus. "Of course she doesn't. Her sole complaint has been that she hadn't known to bring her own swimsuit."
"...Yeah, s'true. But it ain't all bad, y'know?"
"You don't -" she began, but again immediately stopped. The anger in her voice now sounded closer to frustration. "My situation is different to both yours and Rise-chan's."
Deep down, Kanji knew that already. Knew he didn't fully understand it, too.
But he still wanted to see Naoto up there. Boy, girl, Kanji just liked _looking_ at her, even if he rarely had the guts to do it and even though she'd probably shoot him if she ever realized he was trying. And who'd fault him? Hell, even Souji had admitted he was enjoying the contest, no matter how indirectly.
Souji also would've figured out what to do about Naoto. But Kanji wasn't Souji, and he suspected he was just making things worse. Besides, the pageant was gonna happen whether Naoto turned up or not.
He nodded toward the door. "I-I can tell the others, if you like. That you're not gonna show."
At this, Naoto looked uncertain - which wasn't Naoto at all. A long pause stretched out before she finally straightened and turned toward the door. "No," she said firmly. "No, I'm being childish. I will go."
"Okay. I mean, if y'want." Kanji couldn't match her conviction. On one level, this was what he wanted; on another, he knew he probably shouldn't; and on another still, he wished he could just jump in the TV, smash a bunch of Shadows and forget the whole thing.
Naoto had a knack for making his head hurt.
"I will go," she repeated. "But…thank you for the offer. And while I cannot and will not condone your entirely unnecessary behavior toward Sonoda, I...appreciated the assistance." With that, she turned and walked toward the bathroom door.
On impulse, Kanji reached out a hand. "H-Hey, wait a sec."
Naoto stopped at the corner of the corridor and glanced back over her shoulder.
There was something he was supposed to say - something that would help Naoto feel better, show that he _got _it, at least bits and pieces. Something that would prove he wanted to get the rest of it and might even manage to do so, if she'd just open up a little.
Souji would've known. Kanji wasn't Souji.
He dropped his hand to his side. "Good luck, yeah?"
Naoto looked at him for a long moment, then gave a slight nod. "Thank you, Kanji-kun."
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, Kanji was standing in the Yasogami High auditorium and trying very hard to pretend he was super-cool about this whole thing (just a pageant, just a few girls he knew, just Naoto Shirogane potentially in a swimsuit and holy crap, who was he kidding.)
Somewhere to his left, Souji was grumbling. "Look, the lights are still up, we could go grab lunch. I made beef stew. More or less."
Yosuke started talking too, something about a good spot in the audience compensating for his inner pain, but Kanji wasn't really paying attention. Couldn't afford to miss anything. Even though the stage was still empty. Even though Naoto might not show up, despite what she'd said back in the boys' restroom - or because of what she hadn't.
It might've made him sick with jealousy, but Kanji still half-wished Rise had sent Souji to help Naoto instead. Souji _got_ people. Kanji didn't and he'd learned to live with that, at least until Naoto had showed up. Now he needed a translator, or an instruction manual, or _something_ that would tell him how she worked, because he was quickly getting tired of trying to figure it out. Dammit, he just wanted to be friends.
...Fine, so that was a lie. But hell, it was Naoto. Kanji knew he was blameless, just like he knew that 'friends' was all he could hope for.
"I didn't think you'd be so into this, Kanji-kun."
It took a couple of seconds for him to react, and one more for him to realize Naoki was standing at his side. "Oh. Hey."
Naoki nodded toward the front of the auditorium. "Looking forward to the contest?"
Outright denial wouldn't work. Playing it cool was hopeless too, but Kanji gave it a shot. "Uh, yeah. Wh-who wouldn't be?"
"Yeah. It's pretty exciting."
Naoki didn't say anything else after that. The silence wasn't really awkward, just unexpected. Kanji, unsure how to break it, let his attention drift back to the stage.
"So. Is - is it for all the girls? Or just one?"
Kanji froze. "Whaddya mean?"
"Just - you know. Kujikawa, she's always talking." Naoki sighed and rolled his eyes. "At me, anyway." He hesitated. "And Seta-senpai said something too."
"Rise says a lot of stuff." Senpai didn't. Kanji wasn't sure why he ever would.
"Shirogane. The one who, uh, used to be a boy. Kinda." Naoki looked up at him, then back at the stage. "That's who, right?"
Kanji swallowed. "...Rise tell you that?"
"Not really. I asked her if you, you know. Liked anyone. She said yeah, but she wouldn't say who, and Seta-senpai wouldn't either. But after that - well, Shirogane's the only one you look _different_ around." Naoki nudged Kanji with his elbow, offering him a small smile. "You've always been bad at hiding stuff."
It was the truth. Part of Kanji cringed at the thought that he was so damn obvious - that all it took was someone paying a little attention, even if the one person he wanted to never did - but the rest felt a weird sense of relief. Even with all the other stuff she pulled, Rise didn't spill secrets. More importantly, neither did Senpai.
"M-maybe. I dunno." Kanji tried for a casual shrug, but the muscles in his shoulders felt too taut. "Been goin' on a while. Not like anything'll happen."
"She'll figure it out. She's a detective, right?"
"Yeah." And a terrible one when it came to Kanji, who still didn't understand how somebody with two dozen successful cases under their belt hadn't noticed a crush that had to be visible from space.
Maybe it was for the best. Rejection hurt, and rejection from Naoto would be ten times worse.
...But shouldn't he just get it over and done with, if it was gonna happen anyway?
The thought was going nowhere good. Kanji was happy to let it slide as the lights finally dimmed and the announcer walked on to the stage.
"Welcome back, everyone, to the Culture Festival main event! It's time for the highlight of the day - the _real_ Miss Yasogami Pageant!" The announcer paused until the heavy burst of applause had faded. "Our first contestant is from the second-year Class 2 - Ms. Hanako Ohtani!"
Being the first one out was tough - something Kanji knew from bitter experience - but Ohtani didn't seem fazed. She marched right up to the microphone, and to Kanji's surprise, a few cheers rose from the audience. Okay, so Yosuke was making gagging noises, but they were quickly cut off by what sounded a lot like Souji's elbow smacking into his ribs.
"Hi, I'm Hanako Ohtani. And remember, the first is always the best," she added with a smirk, while Kanji's mind automatically replaced 'the first' with 'whichever number Naoto is'. Ohtani didn't stand a chance. Still, he couldn't help but respect anyone who just barreled on through no matter what other people thought, even if they were kind of awful sometimes (and, according to Chie, snored loud enough to drown out cargo trucks rolling down a highway.)
"Good for you! Can you tell us a bit about yourself?"
"I'm into old movies. Historicals, stuff like that, where they're all dressed up. I also like fashion and shopping."
"And eating," Yosuke muttered. Souji elbowed him again.
"Thank you, Hanako! Now, our next contestant is -" The announcer paused and stared at the clipboard in his hand. "Uh...I thought the contest was only for stu-"
"Hello there, boys!" Kashiwagi trilled. She sashayed across the stage, heels clicking against wood with each step, and leaned down to the microphone. Down _and_ forward.
"Dude, that's just _wrong_," Yosuke hissed.
Kashiwagi's lessons had taken on legendary status in Yasogami High - not only because she was way too interested in the sort of human biology that involved her male students, but also because the neckline of her blouse plunged deeper with each passing year. Today smashed all previous records. Kanji, by nature a charitable guy, told himself that all those missing buttons had just fallen off somewhere and she hadn't noticed.
"I hope you'll do the right thing and vote for the only real woman here," Kashiwagi purred, tilting even further forward with a smile that made Kanji think of piranhas. "_Especially_ those of you looking to make up for your mid-terms."
Yosuke paled. "...They, uh, don't record individual votes, right?"
The announcer waved nervously toward the end of the stage. "Ah…w-well! Thank you, Kashiwagi-sensei! Uh, next - w-we have Ms. Chie Satonaka, also of the second-year Class 2! Hurry on out, Chie!"
Honestly, Kanji hadn't known what to expect from the pageant. Dresses, he'd guessed. Glitzy stuff. But Ohtani had just worn a pink blouse and grey skirt - and Chie didn't look that different either. Sportswear, like the stuff that he'd seen her in outside of school and heard Hanamura tease her for never branching out from. Wouldn't hurt if she did; Kanji could think of a few designs that would really hang well on her.
Even so, she definitely looked good. She also looked pretty spooked, and her walk to the microphone was almost a jog, but she still managed a bright smile. Cheers rose up from the audience - and on the far side of the auditorium, Kanji saw Kou trying to climb on top of Daisuke to get a better look.
Yosuke, however, hadn't said a word. Kanji, who'd finally worked out what Rise had meant about little boys and girls throwing bugs at each other, figured he might know why.
Up on stage, Chie grabbed the mike stand with both hands. "Hi, I'm Chie Satonaka!"
"Chie, tell us a bit about yourself!"
"Um, well, I'm kinda shy and reserved. I like-" Chie stopped short, hesitated, then smiled again. "I, uh, like long walks on the beach, and my favorite food is...pudding!"
"Inaba's two hours from the ocean," Yosuke pointed out, back to his usual self.
Souji shrugged. "There's always the Samegawa."
"Whatever. It's not pudding I end up buying her at Junes!"
"Thank you very much, Chie! Up next, yet another contestant from Class 2, Ms. Yukiko Amagi!"
Though the cheers were just as loud, Yukiko's entrance was somehow a lot quieter. She crossed the stage in short, quick steps and paused in front of the microphone, hands clasped behind her back.
Her, Kanji had been a little curious about. Yukiko had been a familiar face throughout his childhood, but either they'd been at school or she'd been visiting the shop on inn business. Always in some kind of uniform. Dumb as it was, he'd only recently gotten used to the idea that an off-duty Yukiko existed. One with pretty good taste, too; those tall black boots definitely suited her.
"H-hello, my name is Yukiko Amagi." Yukiko paused and glanced toward Chie, looking just a little lost - then straightened her back. "My-my family runs the Amagi Inn, so if you ever find yourself in the area, please give us a visit. Our hot springs are open to the public year-round, so whenever you're in the mood to enjoy them, please drop by."
Souji chuckled and shook his head. "I knew it. Always a professional."
"I signed _her_ up for the contest, not the inn," Yosuke grumbled.
Speech over, Yukiko stepped in line next to Chie - who'd noticed the icy glare Kashiwagi was giving her friend and was returning it in kind. When Ohtani noticed _that_, she shot Chie a look that could melt diamond. Yukiko apparently hadn't noticed anything at all.
"That might count as free advertising, but it'll do nicely!" The announcer swept his arm toward the opposite side of the stage. "Next up, a very familiar face from the first-year Class 2, Ms. Rise Kujikawa!"
The moment Rise appeared, the atmosphere shifted. The audience, or at least the male contingent, broke out into whooping and clapping, and she had to wait at the mike for a few seconds for the cheers to die down. Never mind the stage lamps; her smile could have lit up the whole auditorium.
Kanji had known she'd handle this just fine. After coaxing Naoto out of hiding, he'd arrived back at the auditorium to find Rise still taking photos of Souji and jabbering excitedly about how she hoped he'd vote for her in the contest. Never actually asked outright, of course, and Souji hadn't ever answered.
Rise pulled the handheld mike from its stand, then stepped closer to the front of the stage. "Hi-hi!" she trilled, waving at the audience. "My name's Rise Kujikawa!"
Damn, she was cute. Kanji hadn't really looked at her that way before, seeing as she spent most of her time trying to ruin his life, but now he could understand the wild applause. The tailor in him wasn't keen on the outfit - Rise's taste in colors verged on garish - but it didn't matter. Girl could've stuck with her store apron and gotten the same thrilled reception. You either had it or you didn't, Kanji decided, and immediately thought of Souji.
"I haven't been in town very long," Rise continued, as Kashiwagi and Ohtani both glared holes in her back, "but it's a great place and I'm one hundred percent thrilled to be here!"
To his left, Kanji heard a soft, impressed sound from Souji.
Yosuke practically giggled. "Dude, she is _so_ cute!"
"So sorry I'm not working as an idol right now - but Risette's gonna do her best today, so I hope you'll all cheer for me!"
Which was exactly what the audience did. Kanji could see how Rise had worked entire stadiums.
For the first time that day, the announcer's smile looked genuine. "The real Risette, ladies and gentlemen, in the flesh! Thank you very much!"
As he watched Rise skip into line, Kanji's brow furrowed. Five contestants and still no Naoto. She hadn't dropped out, had she? She couldn't have, there was an extra space on stage for her and everything. Maybe she was standing in the stage wings, though he couldn't see her there either, even when he leaned forward and -
A hand tugged at his shirt. "Kanji-kun, pull back a little," Naoki hissed. "You're gonna fall over the row in front!"
Kanji looked down and met the gaze of two wide-eyed first-year boys. "Uh. Sorry."
As he straightened up and muttered a quiet thanks to Naoki, he almost missed Rise making a quick hand motion, directed somewhere off-stage. It looked like a thumbs-up.
"Last but not least - the mysterious transfer student of the first-year Class 1, Ms. Naoto Shirogane!"
Kanji's stomach did a spectacular flip halfway up his chest.
Naoto had stuck with it, just like she'd said. Which meant that this moment, right here, was when he'd know for sure. Right?
A fist tapped against his bicep. "Hey, here she comes!" Yosuke whispered.
"Shh! Pipe down!"
Up on stage, Naoto marched to the microphone, stiff and quick - like she'd had to psyche herself up to do it but didn't want anyone else to realize. Kanji half-expected her to run away. Her gaze darted around the audience, before settling firmly on the back wall of the auditorium.
Once again, the audience broke out cheering - but this time, Kanji could hear more than a few female voices in the mix. Even knowing what they did, the girls were still into Naoto. So were some of the guys, which should've made him feel better - but the difference, he reminded himself, was that he'd liked her before, back when she'd been someone else.
Hadn't she?
"I-I'm Naoto Shirogane." Naoto didn't sound certain about that last part, but Kanji didn't particularly care.
The outfit wasn't a dress, or a suit, or anything he hadn't seen her wear before. He remembered both the shirt (the collar was slightly lower than her others) and the blue and green plaid pants (she had a blue and grey pair, too, which suited her a little better). The single change was that she'd taken off her cap, and he'd seen her without it before. In the end, Naoto looked like herself - and Kanji wasn't sure why he'd expected anything different.
"It's...hard to believe I'm up on stage at a pageant like this." Naoto ran a hand down the back of her head, smoothing down her hair, then clasped it against her hip. Something in the motion reminded Kanji of their first meeting, and how badly he'd freaked out over this short, skinny guy who hadn't even been asking him out on a date.
"A big departure for the Detective Prince, huh? How does it feel?"
"It's...um, beyond my wildest imaginings. I-I really don't know what to say," Naoto stammered, glancing around the audience again. Kanji hoped she hadn't caught him staring. "C-Can I step back now?"
"Of course, Miss Naoto - and thank you!"
Kanji knew he'd go home that night and still ask himself the same damn questions as always - but right now, it didn't matter. Right now, and for the first time in months, it wasn't about choosing girls or boys - because maybe it didn't _need_ to be.
Truth was, Naoto hadn't been someone else before. Naoto had just been Naoto. Same person who had Kanji hanging on each word and took up half the space in his head, to the point where he almost hated it. Same person who'd pissed him off more times than he could count and still left him wanting more. The only thing that had changed was how he saw them - or rather, himself.
Shit, he'd had enough people judging him. He'd spent way too much time judging himself. And then he'd painted everything in black and white, just to make it harder.
It wasn't an epic realization, and it wouldn't answer all his doubts - but Kanji felt like he might be a step closer to figuring himself out.
Unfortunately, what he felt for Naoto was as messy and confusing as ever. Watching her on stage was only intensifying that. There had to be a word for it, one that summed up what she did to him, girl or guy - but none of the words Kanji had come up with worked, because none of them were enough. Even when he put a bunch of them together, the tangle inside him still tumbled over the edge.
Maybe there was some magic combination. Maybe he'd get round to asking Naoto some time. Right then, watching her try to gradually edge behind Rise, Kanji settled for the closest sound he had.
Yosuke poked his shoulder again. "Did you just say 'whoa'? Seriously? Tatsumi, you've gotta do bet-"
Kanji smacked him in the ribs before Souji had chance.
"And with that, all six uniquely beautiful contestants are on stage!" The announcer gestured toward Teddie, who'd appeared at the left side of the stage. "Now let's have our special judge, Mr. Teddie, ask them some questions!"
Souji winced. "Oh, _no._"
Teddie coughed emphatically. "Good afternoon! I am Teddie-chan, the honorary judge of this pageant." He swept a hand toward the line of girls, his hair tossing back with the motion. "Please keep in mind that if you anger me, you will be at a disadvantage!"
"Do you know that guy?" Naoki asked. Kanji mumbled something non-committal.
"First question!" With a twirl and a shower of sparkles, Teddie pointed a finger straight at Chie. "Ms. Chie, do you have a boyfriend?"
Chie blinked. "What? That's none-"
"Second! Ms. Yukiko, have you ever smooched anyone before?"
"Teddie! Stop it!"
"Third! Ms. Naoto, where are you ticklish?"
"I-I beg your pardon?" Naoto choked, while Kanji vowed to beat Teddie to a pulp if he ever tried to find out.
"And fourth! Can I stay at your house next time, Rise-chan?"
Rise wrinkled her nose. "C'mon, what kind of question is that?"
"A-anyways," the announcer cut in, "I have a surprise announcement for you all! Following Mr. Teddie's earlier suggestion, as a last minute addition to the program and for the first time ever, this year's pageant will feature a swimsuit competition! All you guys out there, give him a big hand!"
It was hard to tell, but Kanji swore Yosuke was clapping louder than anyone else.
"This. Is. _Awesome_," he said, grinning.
Thing was, Kanji had to agree.
The pageant hadn't done what he'd expected. He hadn't found a firm label for himself, or cleared up all his questions - but he knew now that Naoto wasn't the answer to his doubts, or the easy way out, or anything else except Naoto. Some things, Kanji thought, suddenly seemed a lot clearer.
He slapped his hand over Yosuke's shoulder. "Yeah, man. You're totally right."
Souji shook his head, but it looked half-hearted. He tipped his thumb toward Teddie, who was still badgering the girls with questions as they filed off-stage. "From now on, Yosuke, you're locking him up whenever you leave home."
"Like you mean that," Yosuke shot back, and smirked.
25. Interlude 6
_A/N: Many thanks to Kharta for making an awesome fanart picture for this story. Link is in my profile. Make sure to check out his DeviantArt page, he does good work (with much Naoto)._
_Story so far: The girls made it through the first half of the beauty pageant, causing a revelation for Kanji and a headache for Souji._
_In this interlude: Naoto's two very different Great Escapes._
* * *
**October 30th, 2011**
As an abstract concept, the contest had seemed simple. The reality was proving quite different.
Always talented at self-deception, Naoto had choked down her initial panic and convinced herself that the experience, while uncomfortable, was necessary. It remained vital to integrate herself with the rest of the team. She'd promised Seta-senpai as much, and if it required her to take part in such a ridiculous affair, so be it. Unfortunately, this conviction had begun to wane the moment she arrived at school.
How had an event as trivial as a beauty contest driven her to run and hide in a bathroom? Ludicrous. Irrational, too, given she was hardly unused to attention. A boy detective was an uncommon thing, and the press reports after each case, the Niteline interview, the endless letters - those, she had managed.
They had, however, also occurred prior to October. This pageant was entirely different, because now everything was.
Naoto adjusted her jacket on its hanger and smoothed out the creases for the fourth time in the past five minutes - pointedly ignoring the blue and white swimsuit draped over the bench beside it.
The dress she'd lent Teddie would have been preferable. Of course, all this was Teddie's fault. The bear had evidently been planning this scenario, possibly with Hanamura's help - Naoto had not missed the obligatory Junes tag sewn into the swimsuit's lining - and Naoto knew he was the most deserving of her anger. Unfortunately, focusing one's ire was impossible when dangerously close to a full-on temper tantrum, and she found herself equally furious at everyone involved: Teddie for proposing such an idiotic addition, Hanamura for signing her up, Chie for insisting she go through with it. Kanji, for begging her to take part. And, most of all, herself.
Naoto could feel this case slipping through her fingers. It was Kobe all over again - procrastination, inattentiveness, endless distractions. Stung by her failure, she'd vowed then to be more disciplined, and _had_ been, up until she joined the team. Now she was wasting time on trivialities in an attempt to please her new colleagues, purely because she had no way to deal with the television world alone. There was no other choice.
She swallowed, her throat feeling suddenly tight.
This was going to be impossible.
_(we-can-do-this-dontworry-easyeasy)_
Sukuna-Hikona. Most of his commentary, Naoto found entirely unhelpful. This was no exception.
_(not-a-coward-not-afraid-wecandothis)_
The Persona continued buzzing, a low murmuring at the edge of her mind that she found hard to push aside.
She _wasn't_ a coward. She'd managed the first half of the contest - which would have been the entirety, if not for Teddie's eleventh-hour meddling. There was no reason to be ashamed, Naoto told herself, wishing fervently that she could believe it.
...Perhaps she could simply leave. Chie and Yukiko were also changing into their swimsuits, but at the other end of the girls' locker room, and Naoto hadn't seen Rise since they left the stage. She was near enough to the door, maybe if she just-
"Hey, Naoto-kun! Are you done?"
Rise. Of course.
For a moment, Naoto considered staying silent - but her brief association with Rise Kujikawa had taught her just how futile that would be. "No. Not yet." She hesitated. "I-I haven't started."
"What, for real?" Rise asked as she rounded the row of lockers behind Naoto. "But we've gotta be back on stage in ten minutes!"
Naoto had taken her shoes off when preparing to attempt the swimsuit. Now, as they faced each other, the tip of Rise's nose was just above Naoto's eye level. This realization only made things worse. Unfortunately, looking anywhere else was impossible, given that Rise had already changed into her own suit - specifically, a skimpy yellow bikini that put more emphasis on the first word than the other two combined.
"I-I know," Naoto managed.
"So…what's the hold-up?"
Given the situation, perhaps honesty was best. "…I am unsure about this."
"C'mon, Naoto-kun, it's not gonna be that bad." Rise nodded toward the bench. "That suit's pretty tame. Looks a lot like school regulation."
Perhaps it did. Naoto hadn't attended a single swim class since arriving at Yasogami High; forging medical excuse letters had proved remarkably simple. However, a swimsuit was still a swimsuit. "It isn't the style that bothers me, Rise-san."
"Yeah, I figured." Rise tilted her head and winked. "But I _know_ you've got the figure. And it'll be a new experience!"
The truth was, Naoto _had_ tried a more feminine look once before, in the privacy of her room back at the estate. Not the absurd bundles of frills her grandmother insisted on sending, of course. Just a simple skirt, short-sleeved top, and stockings. It hadn't felt right. But neither did her regular attire; the bindings were uncomfortable, the boxer briefs ill-fitting, the shirts too large even after adjusting. Together, the ensemble only reinforced the pretence.
There were, however, many types of discomfort.
Naoto looked away. "It's just -" she began, then left it at that. Explaining her position would take far too long, and expecting Rise to understand would be hypocritical.
When Rise stepped forward to place a hand on her arm, Naoto's first instinct was to jerk back. She tensed, trying to remain still.
"You made it through the first half just fine, right?" Rise asked.
'Just fine' was a gross exaggeration. Being last on stage had been both a blessing and a curse; while Naoto had spent the least time in front of the audience, she'd also spent the most time backstage battling the urge to turn and run.
But she _had_ stepped out there, in the end. "...I suppose so."
"Okay." With a quick nod, Rise glanced toward the swimsuit. "So, is this really so different?"
"Yes," Naoto immediately answered.
Rise let out a quiet sigh.
"Look, I know not everyone's as fine with this as I am," she said. Her hand had returned to her side. "Kinda like the measurements thing. Boy, you wouldn't believe the lecture Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai gave me the next day. Girls can be _so_ weird sometimes."
"I don't believe most of them wear swimsuits on national television," Naoto pointed out.
"True. It's not as great as it sounds, though." Rise rolled her eyes. "Try standing in a studio for six hours freezing your butt off and getting yelled at by some crusty old director - and having to smile the whole time! Your face just aches by the end."
Naoto considered mentioning that the scenario had never sounded great to begin with - but Rise's world, and what was expected of her, was very different to her own. "It's easier for you," she said instead, adjusting the collar of her shirt.
"Huh? Why's that?"
"You are - well. You know."
Rise stared at her for a moment, expression unreadable - then shook her head. "Yeah, but I wasn't always." She paused. "You wanna know how I got started as an idol?"
Uncertain of any other suitable response, Naoto nodded.
"My record company came to Inaba looking for new talent. One stop on this big tour of small towns," Rise explained, then shrugged. "Maybe they wanted the girl-next-door feel, or a blank canvas, or who knows what - but my aunt, she was the one who signed me up for the auditions. I never would've done it myself." She gave a slight, sheepish smile. "Way, _way_ too shy."
Naoto blinked. The thought that Rise Kujikawa might possess any degree of shyness was as ludicrous as - well, as the idea of herself in a swimsuit. "How did you manage?"
Rise shrugged a second time. "I don't know," she replied, uncharacteristically quiet. "I just did it. I figured, if it might make people like me, why not give it everything I had?"
"…I cannot do that here."
"Why?"
Naoto had no idea how to answer. _Because I want people to respect me. Because I don't want to be looked at like that. Because I'm a boy even if I'm not._
The revelation of her physical sex had been unpleasant, but, technically, nothing had changed. _Naoto_ hadn't changed. And yet, something clearly had.
As a male, she had been regarded by the other students as competent and clever - even 'cool', according to Rise, if a little stand-offish. One month later, she was seen simply as a girl who had masqueraded as a boy, eagerly awaiting a time when she could drop the pretence; as if her boy self was something to be packed up and stored away, a plaything that had outlived its novelty. What Naoto feared was exactly what Hanamura had confirmed by signing her up for this contest: that nothing had changed, except what people believed to be true. Their perceptions were different, and thus so was everything else.
Perceptions were everything. Sonoda, who had never spoken to her prior to October, was proof enough of that, as were the whispers that followed her through the school corridors. Naoto could disregard these opinions, coming from people she considered irrelevant - but her colleagues were a different matter. Seta-senpai would be watching the contest. How would he ever take her seriously after witnessing her on stage in a swimsuit? They had only recently begun to associate outside of the team and sitting at a table solving childish riddles had felt ridiculous enough. Naoto was still desperately searching for some way to prove herself to him, and this pageant was most certainly not it. Then there was Kanji, another issue completely and one that had occupied her more than she cared to acknowledge. His attitude to the contest - in particular, her participation - had been completely inconsistent, and though she'd initially concentrated on searching for some pattern, Naoto now wondered why he'd been so eager for her to take part in the first place. It made no sense, unless he was-
"So? Why not?"
She looked up. Rise was still standing in front of her, arms folded and expression expectant. After several seconds fumbling around for a suitable answer, Naoto managed a helpless shrug.
Rise frowned, watching her carefully. Naoto had the sensation of being studied - a sample in a petri dish, circuitry to be analyzed - until finally, Rise sighed. "Wow. You really don't want to do this, do you?"
Biting her lip, Naoto shook her head.
"I'm not gonna lie, Naoto-kun, I don't think I get it. Not all of it, anyway." Rise leaned back against the row of lockers, one hand toying with a loose strand of her hair. "But this second half wasn't part of the show, and that's pretty unfair. Maybe you shouldn't have to do it."
"Chie-senpai insisted that I participate fully." An insistence that had been backed up with several dire threats.
"Yeah, she did. But she just wants us to work together, be a team. She's always like that." The smile Rise gave was bright yet sympathetic. "Souji-senpai calls her our morale officer."
"Explaining why I was press-ganged," muttered Naoto.
"And Kashiwagi _really_ rattled her, I can tell. But...well, it can't be easy standing next to Yukiko-senpai."
Uncertain of Rise's meaning, Naoto frowned. Yukiko hardly seemed at ease with her role in the pageant; if anyone, Chie should have been intimidated by Rise herself.
"Anyway, that doesn't matter right now," insisted Rise, with a wave of her hand. "We've gotta figure out what to do about you." She rocked back on her heels and hummed thoughtfully. "Y'know, Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai are both kinda fraught over this. Easily distracted. And you're the last one on stage."
Naoto stared dumbly at her for a moment. "You - you mean-"
Rise's only response was a wink.
"This - it won't cause a problem, will it? With the others?"
Rise gestured toward the far end of the room, where Chie and Yukiko were presumably still changing. "They'll bust you big time later - and you might wanna avoid Kashiwagi for a while," she added, with a wince. "But the guys will be too busy ogling to care."
"But -"
"C'mon, it'll be cake. We'll head over there a little late, and while I go on stage you make a break for it." She smirked. "Trust me, I'll make _sure_ to distract everyone."
Naoto had every faith she'd succeed. After the cross-dressing pageant and Teddie's impromptu addition to the programme, the audience - or at least the male contingent - had been abuzz at the prospect of a swimsuit-clad Risette. But when Chie and Yukiko had both pressed so hard for Naoto's involvement, why was Rise now proposing precisely the opposite? "I-I don't understand," Naoto stammered. "Why are you helping me with this?"
Stepping forward, Rise placed a hand on her shoulder. This time, Naoto didn't flinch.
"Duh. We're _friends_, Naoto-kun," Rise declared, as if describing the concept to a small child. "Besides, it's pretty obvious that you're gonna drop out, and at least this way I don't have to listen to Chie-senpai yelling at you again."
"Who am I yelling at now?" Chie asked, suddenly appearing around the row of lockers and now wearing her swimsuit.
Panicked, Naoto opened her mouth to respond with very little idea of what that response would actually be. Fortunately, Rise immediately stepped in. "Naoto-kun, if she doesn't get her butt in gear. She _still_ isn't ready."
Chie's brow furrowed, though seemingly more in worry than anger. "Oh, man…I know you're not happy about this, Naoto-kun, but you can't make us late! Jeez, this is bad enough already."
"Don't worry, Chie-senpai. You and Yukiko-senpai can head over to the auditorium, and I'll bring Naoto-kun once she's finished changing."
"Or even started," Chie snapped, then sighed. Once again, her expression turned fretful. "Sorry, sorry. I guess…we'll see you guys over there." With a slight shake of her head, she turned and walked away.
As soon as she was out of earshot, Rise let out a giggle. "Told you so! You're gonna be fine."
Almost light-headed with relief, Naoto couldn't suppress a small smile.
* * *
As when fleeing Teddie earlier that morning, Naoto's first impulse had been to run for the roof. On this occasion, however, it had worked. The corridors of the main school building had understandably been deserted, and if anyone had somehow still noticed her departure, they hadn't joined pursuit. After Rise had vanished through the side-entrance to the stage, Naoto had escaped up the main stairs with no witnesses and made her way to the farthest corner of the rooftop.
She occasionally spent her lunch break up here, typically during rainstorms when nobody else dared venture outside (except for an oddly excitable third-year girl who carried her own barometer.) The weather now was sunny, if slightly chilly, but the roof was still empty. Naoto hoped it would stay that way for the remainder of the festival.
...Which, thus far, had been a fiasco. Two contests, both with unwilling participants, to be followed by the most idiotic production imaginable: 'Romeo and Juliet and Hamlet', gruesomely spliced together from the only two plays Class 2-3 had recognized.
Naoto sighed. Merely thinking about the day's events - while trying not to grit her teeth - was enough to make her head ache. She sat down on a nearby ledge and began massaging her temples, her gaze fixed on the concrete surface of the roof.
...Perhaps she should have stayed. Sukuna-Hikona had made his opinion on the matter very clear: Naoto was a coward. She had made promises to Seta, surrendered to Chie and Yukiko, insisted on her participation to Kanji - and then completely contradicted both herself and their wishes. She owed the team a debt she hadn't even begun to repay, and all they'd asked of her was her involvement in a pageant. Simple.
Except it _wasn't_ simple. Nothing was anymore. And nobody seemed to grasp this, to appreciate that she had not changed, that her secret being revealed had not somehow 'fixed' things - and most of all, that the secret shouldn't have needed to exist at all. It was not, Naoto realized, a matter of two selves to be swapped at will, male to female, but a single self that twisted and tangled them both. Her own actions had created the dichotomy, girl versus boy - but why did she have to choose to begin with? It wasn't _fair_.
For a horrible moment, Naoto thought back to her Shadow. Desperate, frustrated, and begging _why, why, why_.
Preoccupied, she didn't notice the sound of heavy footsteps across the roof. She did, however, notice the sudden shade cast over her; a large, looming silhouette. There was little question as to the owner, and Naoto lifted her head to find Kanji standing in front of her - towering and ungainly, with his hands shoved in his pockets.
She turned her attention back to the floor. "I assume Rise directed you here."
"Yeah," he admitted.
Logically, he should have been one of the last people she wanted to see. Kanji had as much talent for offering comfort as she had for accepting it, and he'd been partly responsible for this entire mess - but the fury she'd felt back in the changing room had lessened. His presence, Naoto decided, was not intolerable. Besides, he was currently vastly preferable to Seta-senpai, whom she would have to avoid for a week and who doubtless no longer took her seriously at-
A hand waved in front of her face. "Hey, you okay?"
"Of course," Naoto immediately replied, and didn't add _why wouldn't I be_.
Kanji gave her a _look_ - one that seemed to indicate she hadn't fooled him at all. Before Naoto could protest, however, he quickly sat down on the ledge, approximately a meter away from her own position.
A slightly awkward silence settled over them. Naoto, in no mood to talk, had no objections.
After several long moments, Kanji finally spoke. "Y'did good."
"I'm sorry?"
"Showing up to the first half. Took guts."
Heat raced over Naoto's face. "...It's no less than the others managed."
"Yeah, but you didn't wanna be in it."
"Neither did Chie-senpai nor Yukiko-senpai." She pressed her knuckles back against her left temple. Her head had begun to throb. "And I...I didn't finish the pageant. I've no doubt I was disqualified."
There was a long gap before Kanji answered. "Uh. Not exactly. You, uh...sorta won."
"It is impossible to 'sort of win' a contest, Kanji-kun," Naoto explained, now kneading her forehead instead. "What you mean to say is that I-"
Wait.
She snapped around to face him. "Are you - d-don't tell me they actually voted for-"
"…Yeah." Kanji looked bemused, as if such an outcome wasn't utterly stupid. "Lotta people voted for you." He paused. "Including all the girls."
On one hand, that made sense. Her admirers were disturbingly persistent in their attentions, and envelopes still found their way to her locker on a daily basis. On the other, all this far surpassed any level of idiocy she'd expected Yasogami High's student body to ever achieve. She hadn't even finished the contest - which meant...
"They _can't_," Naoto insisted, arms folded. "I dropped out. They cannot vote for me."
Kanji frowned, then shrugged. "Well, they did."
There had to be rules about this, somewhere. Naoto unfolded her arms, folded them again, and vowed to take it up with the school authorities.
"Oh, and Rise picked up your prize for you. If y'want it."
"I _don't."_
Her headache had not improved, she'd won a contest she hadn't completed, and Kanji _wasn't_ helping. Leaning forward, Naoto rested her elbows on her knees and settled into a brooding sulk.
"Okay, you're pissed off." Kanji stretched out his legs and leaned back against the wire fence. "But you - you deserved the win, yeah?"
"What are you-" Naoto began - then stopped, and let out a breath in an attempt to compose herself. "Explain, please."
"You went for it. We both did." When Naoto glanced to the side, Kanji had turned away from her to stare straight ahead, his cheeks covered with a suspicious flush. "I-I know, y'quit midway, whatever - but if Teddie hadn't come up with the swimsuit idea, you'd have finished the whole thing. Gotta respect that," he added, with a firm nod.
He was being far too charitable. His own resolve to take part deserved some sort of recognition, even if Naoto wasn't certain what sort. She, however, had only persisted with the contest for two reasons: to save face and, if she was being honest, to please Seta-senpai.
Neither motive was easy to rationalize.
"You coulda dropped out earlier, too, back in the bathroom," Kanji continued. "Could've just stayed there when I left. No way would Chie-senpai or Yukiko-senpai have gone in after you."
Naoto sighed. "I'm sure they would have hounded you until you'd returned with your quarry."
That scene had not been one of her proudest moments. Not only had the premise been humiliating - the heir to the Shirogane name, intimidated by a pair of schoolgirls - but Kanji had witnessed one of her confrontations with Sonoda. More than that, he'd involved himself on her account and been equally overprotective as he had inside the television. _With absolutely no justification_, Naoto mentally added, glancing sideways at him and feeling increasingly exasperated.
Still staring out over the roof, he gave another half-hearted shrug. "Maybe. But a bunch of people thought you were great."
She couldn't fathom who. The gaggle of desperately hormonal teenage girls had been accounted for, but had their numbers really carried the entire contest? Naoto found herself wondering how Kanji had voted - Rise would be the most rational choice - then switched to wondering why she would ever care. Much like Kanji's behaviour, it didn't add up.
Kanji shifted against the ledge. His cheeks, she noted, now verged on crimson. "Uh."
…There were, on reflection, a _lot_ of things that did not add up.
Naoto felt suddenly and inexplicably sick. "Wh-what?"
"And...uh. When you were up there. Y-you looked-"
She shot to her feet. "Well, we should be going! I-I should be. The play will begin soon, I ought to look round the festival d-displays first-" - and now Kanji was standing up too, which was somehow incredibly awful - "-so I'll just-"
Behind her, the rooftop door burst open. "Kanji-chan, Nao-chan!"
Naoto instantly spun around. Kanji, meanwhile, swore out loud.
"I knew you'd be up here!" Teddie bounced over, beaming and waving one hand. Thankfully, he was back in his usual clothing. "Well, Rise-chan knew. She said I had to stay away. But there's an _emergency_."
Grateful for any distraction in the world, Naoto latched on. "An emergency? Of what sort?"
"Artistic. And only Kanji-chan can help!"
Kanji frowned. "He can?"
"See, Hanako-chan was gonna be Juliet, but now she's all sad over the pageant and she doesn't want to be in the play. Which makes it just Romeo and Hamlet, and that's not-"
"I ain't playing Juliet," Kanji blurted.
"Of course not, she's too pretty. That's why Teddie's playing her." Teddie paused. "And now we need a new Romeo too. The old one must've _really_ liked Hanako-chan, because he kept shouting about how it was going to be too weird."
Naoto and Kanji glanced at each other.
Teddie, oblivious, took a deep breath. "Anyway, I asked Yuki-chan and Rise-chan for ideas and they both said Sensei would make the best Romeo ever, but then when I asked him, he said he'd been on the stage enough for one lifetime and told me to ask Yosuke, so I did, and once Yosuke was done laughing, he said that _you'd _really like to do it, Kanji-chan."
"He _what_?"
"Therefore, problem solved!" Teddie crowed - then tipped his head. "Unless you know someone else I could ask?"
Kanji spluttered, swallowed, then looked down at Naoto. "Uh."
"Absolutely not," Naoto shot back; in this case, as in several others, she was in firm agreement with Seta-senpai.
Teddie shook his head. "Romeo has to sweep Juliet away into the moonlit night and I don't know if Nao-chan could carry me." He gave a wide, bright smile, accompanied by a sprinkling of sparkles. "Kanji-chan, you're my only hope!"
"But - but - dammit, I can't act, I don't even know the lines!" protested Kanji, shoulders tensed and fists clenched. "An' it's_ Shakespeare_!"
"In the loosest possible sense," Naoto pointed out.
The response, intended as reassurance, had little effect. Kanji's expression remained pitched somewhere between horror and desperation. "No fricking way," he growled at Teddie. "Go find someone else!"
Teddie's face crumpled with frustration. "But I told you, I've asked _everyone_!"
There was, Naoto reminded herself, absolutely no reason to involve herself any further. Her earlier fury might have dissipated, but she was still in no mood to assist Teddie with anything, much less this. A painfully amateurish production, thrown together by a class who couldn't even settle on which play they wanted to perform, starring a bear in a dress. It would be a disaster.
"I-I can help," she burst out.
"What?"
"I can help," Naoto repeated - determined now, yet still unable to rationalize the offer. "I can feed you your lines."
For a moment, Kanji simply blinked down at her - before giving a sharp shake of his head. "B-but you - you're working backstage. Your whole class is s'posed to be helping."
"Exactly. They won't miss me."
Bouncing on the spot, Teddie clapped his hands together. "_Two_ Romeos! Kanji-chan and Nao-chan, both setting my heart aflutter!" Before Naoto had time to object, he swiveled toward the door. "Now I just need Ai-chan to make me pretty again!" he exclaimed, already bounding back across the rooftop.
Next to her, Kanji cursed again - this time, a little more quietly. "Sorry," he quickly added, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "Just, y'know. He's-"
"Completely impossible," Naoto finished.
"Yeah." Kanji offered a lopsided smile, which almost instantly faded. "Uh...listen, N-Naoto, I..."
Naoto quickly leapt in. "Y-you don't have to thank me. So don't. I simply want the play to be a success."
After all, no other explanation made sense.
Kanji hesitated. Naoto watched him frown down at her, biting his lip, and the moment lasted far too long - until finally, and much to her relief, he simply shrugged. "Right. 'Course you do."
26. Chapter 20
_A/N: Went back and forth on including this hot springs sequence; it doesn't do much to further the story and the culture festival has already gone on for multiple chapters. But a few people voiced an interest, so here it is. Those of you with no interest can skip this chapter without regret._
___Thanks once again to Kharta, for his doubly-awesome follow-up fanart (this time featuring a scene from Chapter 16). Link is in my profile._
_After this chapter, we go into the November plot line. There's quite a lot of game material coming but I add extra scenes where I can._
_Story so far: With Rise's help, Naoto escaped the second half of the contest - then barely escaped a very uncomfortable moment with Kanji._
_In this part: Kanji's the consummate Romeo, Kashiwagi finally snaps, and the Amagi Inn has infinite buckets._
* * *
**October 30th, 2011**
Amid the darkness in the wings of the auditorium stage, Kou winced and shook his head. "I dunno what play that exchange student thinks he's in, but it isn't this one," he whispered. "This is so lame."
"S'your fault," Kanji reminded him, one hand gripping the top edge of a nearby wooden bush. "Probably could've found another Juliet if y'hadn't wrecked her costume." Between them, Kou and Daisuke had torn so many pieces off the dress during the pageant that even he couldn't fix it.
"Dude, it's not like I knew! Ozawa and Ebihara grabbed it, not me."
"Doesn't matter," Kanji muttered. "Now we gotta deal with Ted."
"And he's _completely_ disregarding the script," the bush hissed, indignantly.
Kanji shrugged. "You said it sucked anyway."
The large, bright pool of the spotlight was centered on Teddie, back in his weird blue maid dress and standing on a makeshift balcony at the top of a rickety-looking scaffold. "Wow, I can see the back of the hall from here!"
Not for the first time that day, Kanji heard the audience break out giggling - but this time it sounded different. He couldn't quite put his finger on why, only that, unlike the laughter during the pageant, it didn't make him want to start swinging chairs around. Maybe Ted wasn't doing that badly after all. Would've been nice if he'd stuck to the script, though. So far, the play had involved Juliet debating at length whether to score with Romeo or Hamlet (with liberal input from the audience), sparkling her way around the scenery, explaining why she would also have made a fantastic Romeo, and - right now - tossing her hair and asking if the girls thought it looked pretty.
Kanji sighed. "At least the play's short. Only one scene left, yeah?"
Next to him, Naoto surfaced from behind the wooden shrubbery. "Yes, and it'll be pointless. I can't supply your lines when he's perfoming the story extemporaneously!"
The word was new - talking to Naoto, a lot of them were - but Kanji got the gist. "Can't you make stuff up too?"
"Why," she asked, expression perfectly flat, "would I do that when we have a script?"
Up on the balcony, Teddie bounced in place, hands gripping the balcony rail. The scaffolding swayed. "Okay! Whereart Hamlet?"
Kou turned to Kanji, eyes wide in a wordless plea. Kanji responded with a sympathetic nod - then shoved him forward hard enough that he stumbled on to the stage and tripped over into the spotlight.
Served him right - though after the morning's cross-dressing disaster, Kanji would've preferred it be Daisuke, and watching Teddie start interrogating Kou about exactly what he could offer a bewitching young maiden wasn't so much satisfying as cringe-inducing. Still, at least people weren't staring at Kanji this time. He'd had enough of that for the next decade or two.
Probably wasn't the only one, either. He looked down at Naoto, now crouched behind the bush again and repeating the same process she had for most of the first act: paging through the script in her hands, making annoyed noises, glaring at Teddie, then looking at the script again. Of the lines she'd been able to feed him, he was pretty sure he'd said most of them wrong and that Ted had ignored them all anyway. But she'd tried. Tried to help _him_, Kanji thought, striving not to take it to heart.
He'd come close. Maybe the closest he would. And it wouldn't have been a good time, because Naoto had been prickly, and he'd still been feeling kind of disappointed, and the entire day had just been bizarre - but he still wished Teddie had waited a few minutes longer to gatecrash the roof. There might _never_ be any good times, just moments when he'd both the words and the courage to say what he actually meant. But what would Naoto have said back? Given that, short of tattooing them on his forehead, Kanji had done everything he could to express how he felt, would she have said anything at all? Confessing to someone was gut-wrenching enough without worrying that they might not even notice. What if she-
"Hey! You too, Romeo! Or two Romeos! Kanji-chan and Nao-chan!"
Kanji jolted back to awareness. "Uh - yeah! Right! On my way!" he answered, shooting a glance at Naoto - who responded with a quick nod before disappearing behind a cardboard cut-out fountain.
Good thing she was with him. She was the only person he knew who was small enough to stay hidden behind the drama club's crappy scenery. Didn't even need to crawl. Kanji actually found it kind of impressive - something that he'd have to be careful to never, ever tell her.
"Hurry, Kanji-chan!" Teddie cooed from above. "Your princess awaits!"
"You ain't a princess," Kanji pointed out as he strode to the base of the scaffold, which seemed to shake with each footstep.
Teddie hummed in agreement. "You're right, that's Yuki-chan." He leaned further over the rail and pointed at Kanji. "But! I, Juliet, demand to know: why should I let you score with me?"
_Totally __fine __if __you__ don't_, thought Kanji. Might've said it, too, if the plywood tree beside him hadn't started whispering.
He listened, took a deep breath, and wished Shakespeare translations weren't so damn formal. "Oh, Juliet...thou art as notorious to the night…uh, something over my head…as is a winked messenger of heaven."
"I suppose that's close enough," the tree muttered.
Teddie smiled blankly. "That's nice, but I didn't understand any of it. Maybe Juliet should pick Hamlet instead," he added, then pivoted toward the audience. "Sensei! What do you think?"
"Not a chance," snapped Kou. "Aren't you supposed to be poisoned by now?"
Kanji frowned, trying to remember what little he'd seen of the script. "If he is, then you an' me are meant to have a sword fight."
"Well, _that_ makes no sense." Teddie wagged a finger at him. "Sensei uses swords. You hit Shadows with desks, Kanji-chan, so we need to find you one of those."
Rapid footsteps drummed across the auditorium. By the time Kanji registered them, Souji was already at the base of the stage - his fingers gripping the wooden edge and his glare fixed firmly on Ted. "Teddie! Be quiet!"
Teddie beamed. "Sensei! My, could this be a third suitor for Juliet's affections?"
Right now, Souji didn't seem very affectionate. "Enough!" he huffed, hauling himself onto the stage by his hands. "This play's ending, you've already-"
"But we're not done yet! We still don't know who Juliet chooses!" Teddie protested, smacking both hands against the rail for emphasis and leaning even further over the balcony.
Maybe it was the extra weight, or Ted's attack on the rail. Maybe, Kanji would think later, it was because whoever built the damn thing had _really_ disliked Hanako Ohtani - but for whatever reason, the scaffolding had hit breaking point. With a terrible creak, it swayed to the right, then listed to the left again - and didn't stop.
The audience gasped. Up on the swinging balcony, still clinging to the rail, Teddie squeaked unhappily.
Naoto darted out from behind the tree. "Kanji, quick!"
"What's-" Kou managed, before Souji shoved him sideways through the fountain.
At almost the same time, Kanji made an instinctive grab for Naoto's hand - but Souji, already behind her, got there first. He gripped her arm, jerking her backwards and sparking a yelp of surprise roughly the same pitch as Teddie's.
Kanji glanced at her, then at Souji, then up at the balcony. "Ted! Jump!"
Whether he actually jumped or just tumbled over the rail wasn't clear. What mattered was catching the little guy. Kanji leaned back, arms outstretched - just in time for Teddie to slam against his front and almost knock him to the floor. He stayed upright, using the momentum to stumble backwards and sideways.
The scaffolding hit the stage with a crash, wood clattering against wood - less than half a meter from where they'd managed to move.
Teddie just squeaked again, eyes screwed shut, and gripped Kanji's shirt very tightly.
"_Dude_," offered Kou, still wedged halfway inside the crumped fountain and barely audible above the uproar from the audience.
Souji hadn't said anything. His hand, Kanji grimly noted, was still clutching Naoto's arm.
"Kanji-chan, my noble rescuer! I can bear-ly contain myself!" Teddie flung his arms around Kanji's neck. "Shall we continue?"
"Forget it, Ted. This play's over," Souji insisted, finally letting go of Naoto and picking his way through the wreckage to Kou.
"Beats the original ending," muttered Kou, as Souji yanked him to his feet.
Naoto just stood in the same spot, watching Souji, looking like she wanted to say something. Finally, she opened her mouth to speak - at the same moment Daisuke chose to burst through the auditorium door.
"Dude! Kou! You okay? I heard this big crash and one of the first years came outside and-"
"It's fine, man, Souji helped! He's-"
With Senpai now lost in a high-volume conversation between Kou and Daisuke, Naoto apparently changed plans, weaving around the scaffolding debris toward Kanji instead. She gestured to the wing, and Kanji obligingly carried Teddie off-stage.
As they walked, Ted let out a mournful whine. "Why does the play have to be over?" he complained. "I like being Juliet! I'm really good at it, that's why they let me play her."
"No, it was 'cause you had your own outfit," muttered Kanji, finally untangling him and placing him on the floor.
"I'm not entirely certain why you offered," Naoto added.
"Because a hero always saves the day!" Teddie punched his fist skywards and left it there. "Plus, I got to keep wearing Nao-chan's dress."
Kanji blinked. "Nao-chan's-?"
Naoto lurched toward Teddie. "Shut up! You - I _told_ you not to-" She stopped and ran a hand over her mouth, jaw tensed. "D-don't listen to him, Kanji-kun. Complete nonsense."
…Naoto's _dress_? When did that happen? And why'd she get one so awful? Maybe she just needed help picking one out, Kanji thought for a wild moment, then remembered exactly who he was thinking about.
He swallowed. "When'd you- I-I didn't think you wore-"
She whipped around, colour high in her cheeks. "I _don't_."
"But she might for you," Teddie offered, ever helpful, "if you asked nicely."
Fortunately for his continued survival, Naoto launched herself at Teddie and chased him down the stairs before Kanji could even try.
* * *
Knowing the route from Yasogami High to the Amagi inn better than any of the others, Chie and Yukiko had taken the lead. The rest of the team followed, falling into small groups as they walked through the quiet back roads on the outskirts of town. Kanji was walking alongside Souji, who was hand-in-hand with Nanako, and a few meters behind Naoto, who was trying to prise Rise off her right arm. Yosuke and Teddie brought up the rear, both still gabbing about the eternal awesomeness of the girls' beauty pageant. Ted in particular seemed a lot happier than fifteen minutes ago, when Naoto had been chasing him through the first floor corridors and threatening to drown him in the Samegawa. Even though she probably couldn't do the same thing to him - and even though he _was_ still curious about the dress - Kanji had decided to let the matter drop.
A small hand tugged at his left sleeve. When he looked down, Nanako was staring back up at him with a very serious expression. "Are you excited about the springs, Kanji?"
"Guess so." Kanji grinned at her. "Might be fun."
"I've never been to one of these before," Souji mused. When Kanji looked up at him, he smiled awkwardly. "City boy."
"I ain't been either, Senpai."
"Same here!" Teddie piped up from behind.
"Me neither. See, you're not on your own, Big Bro!" Nanako gave a small and satisfied nod. "We should ask the others too!"
"You go ahead. Ask Rise first," Souji told her.
It was a nice gesture. Rise had been jabbering at Naoto ever since they left the school, mostly about how much fun the hot springs would be and how certain detectives definitely wouldn't be wearing swimsuits (or much of anything). Kanji, fingers firmly pinching the bridge of his nose, hadn't been able to hear Naoto's side of the conversation at all - if there was one. With Rise, it wasn't guaranteed.
Giggling, Nanako let go of Souji's hand and scampered ahead. Yosuke, who was probably trying to be polite, waited about two seconds before being a smartass. "Big Bro?" he snickered.
Souji looked over his shoulder, one eyebrow cocked. "Yep. Why?"
"Uh, well…" Yosuke shrugged, looking a little taken aback. "Nothing, I guess."
Kanji shot Souji a thumbs-up. "S'right, you tell him!" Yosuke's only response was a muttered grumble, Souji's a soft chuckle.
They walked on in silence for a few more moments - Kanji's gaze still fixed on Naoto, almost without him realizing - before Souji edged over to him and said, in a low voice, "So, did it help?"
"Huh?"
"The pageant. You were really counting on it, you made that clear back on the roof."
The question wasn't unexpected. Speaking with Naoki earlier had clued Kanji in on just how obvious he'd been, except to one person. "Oh, right. Yeah, think it did." He rolled his shoulders in a half-shrug. "Stuff still isn't simple, but my head's clearer."
"Good." Souji's smile was slight but content. "Glad to hear it." He went quiet after that - which Kanji figured meant the end of the conversation - but after a short pause, he hummed, sounding amused. "I liked the pageant too...though maybe not for such noble reasons." He shoved his hands in his jacket pockets, his mouth curving in a sheepish smile. "Don't tell the girls I said this - or Yosuke, for that matter - but it did kind of make up for the cross-dressing."
Kanji grinned. "Forgiven Ted for the swimsuit deal?"
"Yeah. Don't tell him that, either." Souji chuckled again, shaking his head, then added - casually, like it was an afterthought - "Shame Naoto dropped out."
"Why?" The question was as instinctive as his clenched fists. Kanji swallowed, tensed his jaw, and tried to backtrack. "I-I mean, yeah, it is."
He had the stupid hope that Souji might let it slide. Unsurprisingly, Senpai didn't. After a beat of silence, he cleared his throat, and said, way too carefully, "You're thinking the same thing, right?"
"No. Well, yeah." Kanji grit his teeth, suddenly feeling a lot less clear-headed. "Just - didn't think you were bothered."
Senpai hadn't meant nothing by it. Just making conversation, Kanji told himself, just talking about someone he shouldn't be, because someone else had got there first and didn't that count for anything?
_Idiot__. _As if being first made a difference; as if Kanji even _had_ been. If it were physically possible, he would've kicked his own ass.
Souji still hadn't answered. A long moment passed before he finally spoke. "Come on, Kanji. I might not be Yosuke, but I'm still a guy. Who wouldn't want to see one extra girl up there?" he asked, and his voice was light - but when Kanji glanced sideways, his smile looked far too taut.
* * *
Yukiko hadn't been kidding about reservations being down. The call from the front desk hadn't come that late in the evening, yet the male changing room was already deserted. Turned out there was such a thing as bad publicity - though if half the stuff Kanji had heard Ma gossiping about was true, he couldn't fault people for being scared.
Souji was neatly folding each of their yukata. "Wonder if it's always this quiet."
"I guess we wouldn't know," Yosuke said, still fiddling with the towel tied around his waist. "Though I'm kinda surprised Kanji hasn't stayed here before."
"Why would I?" Wasn't like he would've had anyone to tag along with. Besides, sitting around in a glorified bathtub wasn't really his thing.
"Well, y'know." Yosuke's lips twisted into a smirk. "Hot, steamy, men only...and Inaba doesn't have a bathhouse, so-"
Before Kanji had chance to wring Hanamura's neck, Souji leaned over and smacked him in the bicep. "Leave it, Yosuke," he scolded. "After the day we've had, I want to relax, and that's not going to happen if Kanji puts you through a wall."
"Jeez, lighten up," Yosuke grumbled. "Everyone's way too serious today, I'm just having fun."
"Don't worry, that's why we're here!" said Teddie, slipping his right arm around Yosuke's left. "I've seen movies about this on TV. I promise to wash your back if you wash mine."
Yosuke jerked away. "Dude! What the heck are you watching while I'm at school?"
Souji usually would've cut in at this point - but when Kanji looked over, he was frowning at the screen doors that led to the spring pool. "Did you hear something?"
"C'mon," Yosuke jeered. "Don't tell me you're still spooked from earlier!"
"No, but I-" Souji began - just as Yosuke slid the door open and Teddie darted through at high speed.
"Oh wow! This spring looks amazing, Sensei!"
Souji raised his hands, palms outward. "I think we should-"
"Hey! Wait for me!" Yosuke yelled, already running through after Teddie.
They made enough racket between them, Kanji swore the staff would hear it back at reception - yet, somewhere below Teddie's squeals of delight, he could hear voices. _Girl_ voices.
He jerked round to face Souji, who jerked round to face him.
"Oh, shit," said Kanji.
Souji gaped back. "Don't tell me they're..."
The next thing Kanji heard was a loud splash - then a yelp from Teddie, and a high-pitched "Ow!"
"…oh, crap, they are!" Souji ran through the open doors, one arm shielding his eyes. "Guys, get out of there!"
This left Kanji in a dilemma. On one hand, anyone with a sense of either self-preservation or decency would run back to their room and stay there. On the other hand, the others were already inside, Senpai might need help getting them out, and Kanji's brain had apparently gone numb anyway. "Wait up!" he shouted, following close on Souji's heels.
Inside the spring, Yosuke was standing at the edge of the pool, eyes large as plates and jaw dropped open. Teddie, meanwhile, was already in the water - dangerously close to a horrified and vaguely homicidal-looking Yukiko.
Skidding to a halt, Kanji glanced wildly at each girl in turn: Chie, red-faced and clenching her fists; Rise, wide-eyed and blinking; Yukiko, still looking torn between fight and flight; Nanako, barely visible in the back; and Naoto, who was-
He gulped, blushed furiously, and stared firmly at his feet.
Shit. What were they supposed to do? Automatically, he turned to look at Souji - who now had both arms held up in front of his face and probably wouldn't be much help at all. Yosuke was the first one to do anything other than stare, breaking the deathly silence with a stuttered "Wh-why are you guys here?"
"That's _my_ line!" Chie snapped.
"Senpai!" Rise's pitch had scaled new heights. "Wh-what are you _doing_?"
"I-I swear," Souji insisted, voice slightly muffled, "we didn't know you were-"
The rest was lost, cut off by the frantic splashing noises from somewhere nearby - closely followed by the solid thunk of wood against wood and a terrified squawk from Yosuke.
Kanji's head snapped up just in time for a bucket to smack him in the face. "_Ow_! Dammit!"
"Yuki-chan, Chie-chan, stop it!" he heard Teddie plead, still somewhere in the water. "I'm very delic-ow!"
"You're all insane!" Yosuke snapped, inbetween dodging buckets. "It's - ack! - it's our turn down here!"
The only response was a shrill shriek from Rise - and more buckets. Lots of them. Some calmer, less terrified portion of Kanji's mind wondered why the hell a mountain's worth of wooden pails was stashed in a hot spring. However, the 'seriously freaked out' section was currently in charge and Senpai - who was cowering somewhere behind him - was being useless. Desperate, he swung toward Yosuke. "What the hell are we gonna do?"
Yosuke drew himself up to his full height. "We're gonna hold the line!" he yelled. "We won't be bowed down! We have to-"
Unfortunately, Kanji never found out exactly what they needed to do. Yosuke hit the deck, laid flat by the bucket that had just scored a direct hit against his head.
"Forget that!" Souji barked, shooting out from behind Kanji and grabbing a dazed and indignant Yosuke by the shoulders. "Retreat!"
Senpai knew best. Senpai _always_ knew best. With a quick nod, Kanji yanked Teddie out of the water and called out, "It-it's an honest mistake!"
Yosuke, currently being dragged across the floor, remained defiant. "We're not - ow! - gonna forget this!" was his final cry as Souji pulled him through the doorway and out of the springs, Kanji following close behind.
* * *
"I'm sure it was a misunderstanding," Souji repeated for the third time, still not sounding very convinced.
"Yeah. Us misunderstanding just how evil they are!" Yosuke's expression was half-sneer and half-wince, probably because he kept prodding at a vivid bruise on his left shin. "Say it all you want, partner - but I checked the schedule again, the spring's definitely supposed to be for guys right now!"
Grimacing, Souji rubbed the back of his head. "Like I said. Misunderstanding. They probably just...forgot."
"I won't," Kanji muttered. "Feel like I've just done six hours inside the television." Shadows could be dangerous, gruesome, seriously freaky, and often all three - but at least none of them had ever hurled wooden pails at his head. Not yet, anyway.
Teddie had curled up on his side next to Souji, expression doleful. "You're wrong, Kanji-chan. My head's all bumpy. That _never_ happens in the television."
The best response Kanji could manage was a grunt, and even that felt half-hearted. Tonight had _sucked_. Baths weren't all that exciting, but it still would've been nice to get a proper look at the springs instead of inter-bucket glimpses.
Only the springs, of course. Not at anything else. Or anyone.
Kanji slapped a hand to his face, cursing under his breath - then fell into the same melancholy near-silence as the others. Even Ted had nothing to say, save a few squeaks of pain as he poked various spots on his head.
Finally, Yosuke lifted his gaze. "So, uh...did any of you - see anything?"
"Buckets," Souji answered.
"And nothin' else," added Kanji. Not that he'd wanted to. Wasn't right, spying on people in hot springs (even if you seriously liked one of them, might not have minded seeing them, and would've been totally fine with the whole bucket thing if you actually had.)
"I think my life flashed before my eyes." Ted was now stretched out on the wooden floorboards, arms splayed behind his head. "But other than that, no."
Yosuke scowled at Souji and Kanji in turn. "I told you guys to hold the line! We might've seen something that way!"
"Right, 'cause it worked _real_ well for you," Kanji shot back, while Souji stared at an interesting spot on the opposite wall and mumbled something about needing to catch up on his 'Man's Life' books.
"Forget it." Yosuke let out a deep sigh and flopped over onto his futon. "Let's just go to sleep."
Wasn't like the night would get any better. Kanji had just began to pull himself to his feet when he heard - something. Couldn't place it, at first. It sounded a little like an animal's howl, like if they were hurt or-
Wait. Maybe it was all in his head. Probably got hit too hard by a bucket. He swallowed, and asked, voice quavering, "Did - did any o'you hear that?"
Souji turned to him, brow furrowed. "Hear what?"
There wasn't a chance to explain before the same moaning noise as before echoed through the room - this time louder, and for longer.
Yosuke bolted upright from his futon. "Wh-what was that?" he stammered.
Scratch that earlier theory; no animal made that kind of noise. It sounded way, way too much like-
Kanji felt the blood drain from his face. Four apparent high-school kids getting put in one of the fanciest rooms in the inn now made total sense. So did the talismans hanging from the ceiling. "D-don't tell me...is there one here?"
"One here?" Souji's eyes narrowed as he glanced around him. "One what?"
"This room!" Kanji shakily clarified. "It, it was the one that announcer was staying in before she died!"
"Oh god, you said it!" Yosuke's voice was close to a wail. He'd folded his knees up to his chest and had both hands covering his face. "I was trying to block it out, and you had to go and say it!"
"...Well, that explains the talismans. But I'm sure it's fine," Souji said levelly, and Kanji would've had him pegged as totally calm - if it hadn't been for the yukata fabric clenched tightly in his fists.
Either way, Yosuke didn't seem consoled. He was off the futon now, still clutching one of the blankets and looking like he wanted to hide underneath it. "Why the hell didn't Yukiko tell us? First the hot spring, now this...we've been completely suckered!"
"Guys, come on. This is total superstition. If we just-"
Again, Souji was cut off by the wailing sound - which was definitely not the announcer lady, Kanji told himself, even if it sounded like sobbing this time and she'd been staying in this room and maybe even died here and _oh crap_
He grabbed a blanket; maybe Yosuke was onto something. "Th-there's no way I'm sleepin' through this!" he choked out.
Teddie shot to his feet, one arm pointing to the ceiling. "I've made up my mind! I'm going to Yuki-chan's room!"
"No you're not," was Souji's instant response.
"But Sensei, I have to!" Teddie protested, trying to squirm out of the death-grip Souji had on the hem of his robe. "I can't sleep soundly unless I'm watching everyone's sleeping faces as I drift off."
Souji held on tighter. "Then watch _ours_."
"I said _everyone's_, Sensei."
The girls' room? Did Ted have a death wish? Kanji had taken it for one of his usual lines at first, but the guy seemed serious.
"Sleeping faces?" Yosuke's frown lasted barely a moment before his eyes widened. "You're not actually gonna sneak - dude, you are!"
By now, Souji had grabbed Teddie's left leg instead. "No, he isn't!"
"Yes I am," Teddie chirped, then tried to hop away and tumbled to the floor again.
Yosuke fidgeted against the tatami. "Hey...um...what should we do?"
"I think that's obvious," Souji growled. "Or did you forget all those pails flying at your face?"
Senpai had a point. Accidentally crashing the hot springs had been bad enough; deliberately crashing the girls' room was a different story. Kanji had no idea what they'd start throwing this time, only that it would be far worse than buckets. "Then we'll have to spend the night here," he grumbled, leaning back on his hands and stretching his legs out in front of him. And that might've been the end of it - if the damn wailing hadn't started up again.
Yosuke had nearly tied his blanket in a knot. "No way! I can't! I won't!"
Souji shook his head, crisp and firm. "Yosuke, you'll have to. No way can we just barge into-"
"Alrighty! It'll be a surprise awakening for them!" Somehow, Teddie was now standing at the other end of the room. Kanji hadn't even heard him pull himself off the floor. "Just let me get ready first."
Yosuke frowned. "Ready? What's he-"
"It doesn't matter," insisted Souji, "because _we're__ not __going_."
Ghosts were scary. Girls might be scarier. "Senpai's right," Kanji said. "This ain't a good idea."
"I think it's a great idea," Yosuke pitched in - then, shrinking back slightly under Souji's glare, added, "C'mon, it's the _girls'_ room!"
Souji threw up his hands. "_So_?"
Yosuke stared first at him, then at Kanji, then back at Souji again. Finally, he sighed. "You know, sometimes I really wonder about you both."
* * *
"Now, now! Don't play hard to get!"
How the hell could an old woman be so damn fast? Why was she staying here to begin with? Kanji would've pondered these questions a little longer, if he hadn't been yelling at Noriko Kashiwagi while sprinting through the inn's second floor corridors. "L-leave me alone!"
Senpai would help him. No, wait, Senpai couldn't. Poor bastard hadn't reached the doorway before Ohtani got him in a full-on body tackle. Judging by the shrieks coming from behind Kanji, she'd already moved onto Yosuke.
Okay. Had to figure this out himself, then. Creepy as Kashiwagi was, she wasn't a ghost - meaning she'd eventually get tired. This corridor crossed with another up ahead; he'd just take a left and lose her. He totally had a plan. Kanji was just congratulating himself on keeping his head long enough to make one when a small figure stepped around the corner and forced him to stop dead.
Naoto - who was totally _in __a__ yukata_, was that weird or wonderful or both - raised her palms. "Please, watch where you're – Kanji-kun?"
Staring down at her - damn, she was little without those shoes - Kanji gulped and went with 'both'. "N-Naoto!"
Naoto stared up at him, flushed bright red, and lifted one arm as if to elbow him away. _It's __cool_, Kanji wanted to say, _you __look__ awesome __but __you basically __always __do __please __don't __shoot __me _- until he was reminded exactly why he'd been tearing down the corridor to begin with.
"Naughty, naughty boys," Kashiwagi purred, from way too close behind him. "You barge into our room with such _awful_ intentions, and then make us chase after you!"
"What," Naoto began, uselessly.
"Oh, no." Kashiwagi dodged neatly around Kanji's left shoulder and jabbed a finger toward Naoto's face. "Listen, you little whatever-you-are, you already stole the pageant, I'll be damned if I let you ruin this too!"
Eyes wide, Naoto flinched away. "I-I have no intention of-"
"Naoto-kun! Who're you talking wi-" Rise, now behind Naoto, abandoned the question and raised her eyebrows. "Kanji-kun? And Kashiwagi-sensei?"
Kashiwagi gave a curt, dismissive wave. "Great. First the freak, now the jailbait. Are the other two skulking around here as well? Not that it matters, they're obviously-"
"Obviously _what_?" snapped Chie, as she rounded the corner alongside Yukiko.
The latter frowned, blinked, then clasped her hands together and gave a quick bow of her head. " …Kashiwagi-sensei? Is - is your room to your liking? And, um…why are you out in the corridor? It's very late and-"
Somewhere nearby, Yosuke shrieked.
Chie's eyes narrowed. "I know that scream," she said, stepping forward past a bewildered-looking Naoto. "Hanamura! What are you doing?"
"He's-" Kanji started - and slammed to a halt when Kashiwagi snaked her arms around his waist. "Agh! Get offa me!"
"Mmm, such a _sturdy_ young man."
Kanji tried to flail away. "A-Amagi-senpai!"
Yukiko - awesome, badass, practically-inn-managing Yukiko - stepped in where Souji couldn't. "Kashiwagi-sensei, please respect the other guests! The Amagi Inn has strict rules against-"
"Against boys bursting into our rooms and jumping onto our futons?" He didn't need to see Kashiwagi to hear the smirk in her voice. "If so, Tatsumi and his friends didn't get the memo."
All four girls stared up at him, wide-eyed.
"Uh," said Kanji.
Yukiko, ashen-faced, kept glancing between him and Kashiwagi. "You - you mean they went into-"
There was totally a reasonable explanation for this. Unfortunately, he had no idea what it was, so when Yosuke plunged past him, smacking him in the arm and almost slamming into Chie, Kanji was grateful - or would've been, if the sound of Ohtani thundering down the corridor in pursuit hadn't ruined the effect.
"C'mon, tiger," she huffed. "Don't run so fast!"
In a desperate effort to avoid running Chie down, Yosuke had grabbed her by the shoulders. "Satonaka? I - oh, crap!" He jerked his hands back like she'd set him alight. "I swear, this is _not_ what it seems!"
"But it's not far off," Souji admitted as he limped into view, Teddie following close behind.
In Kanji's experience, Chie was usually the one to let the guys know just how dumb they were being. Demure, elegant Yukiko stuck to occasional barbed comments or random fits of laughter - except, apparently, when you pulled stupid shit on her home turf. "Kanji-kun! All of you!" she barked, with a sharp swipe of her hand. "You can't just barge into other guests' rooms! Ohtani-san, Kashiwagi-sensei, I sincerely apologize for their-"
"There's no need for apologies," Kashiwagi cut in, "provided you silly little girls just run along and play."
"Silly girls?" Chie shot back. "Better that than old Christmas cake!"
"You little bit-"
"Chie-senpai, Kashiwagi-sensei, try to remain calm." Naoto stepped swiftly between them, one palm raised to each. "This is not the place for-"
Chie shoved her arm aside. "Out the way, Naoto-kun. You are seriously not on my good side today, so don't get involved!"
Yukiko leveled her friend with a reproving look. "Chie, _please_."
This was the one thing guaranteed to stop a rage-stricken Chie - and after barely a moment's hesitation, she stepped back.
"Kashiwagi-sensei, Ohtani-san. I'm truly sorry for the night's events," Yukiko continued, level and smooth. "If you return to your rooms, the manager can address your concerns in full tomorrow morning. The Amagi Inn will certainly compensate you for any trouble."
"Trouble?" Ohtani leered at Yosuke, sniggering. "I don't think they're any trouble at all."
Yosuke's only response was a cringe. Teddie shrank back and said, "I think we're _in_ trouble. Lots of it."
Souji settled for holding his head in his hands. "Just for the record, this was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"Serves you guys right," Rise chimed in. "Why'd you pick _their_ room?"
Hearing the girls talk about it, even Kanji had to admit the whole thing sounded creepy. He needed to set things straight. "We didn't! We jus' thought-"
"Oh, is the jailbait jealous?" Kashiwagi jeered, lips twisted into a sneer.
"Just listen a sec, we thought-"
Still looking vaguely disgusted, Chie shook her head. "Never mind that! Tatsumi, why the heck did you jump into this old witch's futon?"
"'Cause I thought she was you!" Kanji yelled.
The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees. Next to him, Yosuke leapt back two steps - and Chie, who'd already been holding back a glorious fit of temper, finally snapped.
Later, Kanji wouldn't be able to remember much of what followed. All that remained was the image of Chie lunging forward, one knee heading for his groin - and then, nothing but agony, regret, and the sound of Yosuke begging her not to do the same to him. After that, Kanji didn't do much except lie curled up on his side, whimpering.
At least, he consoled himself, one cheek pressed against the wooden floor, she hadn't galactic-punted him.
"Come on, Kashiwagi-sensei," said Ohtani, somewhere far away. "We can do tons better than these guys."
"Of course," Yukiko replied, sounding completely insincere. "Now, can everyone please return to their rooms?"
There was movement from above - including two people stepping over him - and the sound of footsteps fading down the corridors. Kanji glanced sideways to see Yosuke, crouched beside him with a wince of pure sympathy. "Dude," he said, "I know _exactly_ how you feel."
* * *
"I'm never listening to any of you again," Souji informed them.
Kanji shuffled awkwardly against the wooden bench. Yosuke, meanwhile, sighed and blew his fringe out of his eyes.
Senpai had been _pissed_. Spent ten minutes that morning telling the three other guys what idiots they were, and how he was the biggest idiot of all for going along with them. Then he'd vetoed Yosuke's idea of fleeing back to town before the girls woke up, and made them wait outside the inn instead.
"We're really sorry, Sensei!" Teddie wailed, on the verge of tears. He'd taken the lecture hardest of all.
Souji's expression softened. "Then tell the girls that, okay?" he told Teddie, and tapped him on the head.
A few minutes later, Chie and Yukiko walked through the inn's main doors, side by side, with Rise and Naoto trailing behind. "Let me guess," Souji called out, in a tone that didn't quite make it to cheerful. "We're banned for life?"
Shaking her head, Yukiko stalked over to the bench. "No. But you should be," she said, with a glare somewhere just below freezing point. "Kashiwagi and Ohtani were bad enough, but what if it hadn't been their room? Do you have any idea how much trouble you could've caused?"
"I think we already caused enough. We're sorry," Souji said, and all three guys nodded helpfully in turn. "We can apologize to Kashiwagi and Ohtani too."
Yukiko stared at each of them, lips narrowed into a white line - then sighed. Her shoulders slumped. "I don't think they cared, in the end. My mother's a different matter."
"I wish I hadn't lost it like that." Chie was staring at the ground, tracing paths in the dirt with her shoe. "She's our homeroom teacher, we have to deal with her all year!"
"Yeah, and she's a lech!" Yosuke pointed out, grimacing. "I don't blame you at all."
Chie looked at him for a moment, her head slightly cocked, then smiled. When she looked at Kanji, however, the smile turned forced. "Hey…Kanji-kun?"
Kanji dropped his hands to his lap on instinct. "Uh...s'up, Chie-senpai."
"I-I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry. For the kick in the, um...you know." She laughed nervously, hands fisted in the pockets of her jacket. "I mean, wow, I felt bad enough the first time round, even though you can totally take it and it was your fault for running over to the girls' side anyway and-"
He frowned. "First time?"
"This time," Yukiko quickly cut in.
"Y-yeah! This time. Forget I said anything," said Chie, brightly. "Oh, except the apology! I meant that part. Souji explained what'd happened while you were still rolling around on the floor, and I think it's incredibly dumb _and_ really creepy - but I shouldn't have kicked you. Not so hard, anyway."
"Oh. S'fine. No problem."
"And the bucket thing," she continued, glancing at the other girls. "We're all sorry for that too. We...kinda muddled up the schedule."
"I knew it!" Yosuke crowed, and punched his fist into his hand.
"Chie-senpai!" Rise pouted, hands on hips. "That was a girls' secret!"
"C'mon, Rise-chan, we have to 'fess up. We got the times wrong, we should have been out of the springs!"
"But given what you did later, you all deserved it," Yukiko muttered darkly.
Souji leaned round to look at Naoto, who'd been standing in silence behind Rise. "Going to tell us the same thing, Naoto-kun?"
Apparently, Naoto hadn't been paying attention. She jolted slightly and quickly clasped her hands behind her back. "No, I-"
"Nah, Naoto-kun wants to ask something else," Rise explained - earning a startled glare from Naoto. "Right, Naoto-kun?"
Naoto said, quick and clipped, "Senpai, please disregard this conversation."
"She's been worrying _all_ morning. She wants to know if any of you guys saw-"
"Rise-san! Stop it!"
Oh. _Oh_. Back in the springs, she thought they'd-
Brimming with resolve, Kanji squared his shoulders and declared, "I didn't see nothin'!"
Naoto blinked at him.
"Er, anything," he corrected, because maybe the bad grammar was why she was - no, no, her face hadn't changed at all. He switched tracks, trying his best not to panic. "N-not that I was trying to! I-I didn't even look!"
Her expression had started out suspicious, and at some point while he was speaking it'd morphed into a horrified stare. "Wh-what are you-"
Yosuke snorted. "Yeah, sure you didn't."
"I didn't! I was staring at the fricking floor!" Kanji yelled, then whirled on Yosuke. "_You_ were the one sayin' we should stay in there!"
"_What_?" Chie roared.
Souji cleared his throat. "Now, let's not be-"
Chie ignored him in favour of walloping Yosuke in the shoulder. "Ugh! Pervert! And the same goes for the rest of you!" She turned sharply on her heels. "C'mon, girls, we're leaving." With that, she stalked away, Yukiko following close behind and Rise yanking Naoto along by one arm.
Kanji lunged toward Yosuke, fists clenched. "Hanamura, you asshole!"
"Dude, that one was totally all you! And did you really have to drop _me_ in it as well?"
Like he needed any help making an ass of himself in front of Naoto. Standing there, breathing hard, Kanji decided he really should've kept his mouth shut - or put his boot in Yosuke's first. "I was tellin' the truth!"
"You know," Souji pointed out, hands shoved in his pockets and gaze fixed on the morning sky, "I really enjoy smoothing things over just so my friends can screw them up again."
Perched on the bench, elbows resting on his knees, Teddie let out a deep sigh. "Sensei, I don't think I like ryokans."
* * *
That evening found Kanji repeatedly sweeping the front step of the textiles store, trying to clear the leaves that were swirling in the brisk autumn wind. Every time he'd swept them away, the damn breeze just blew more of them back. Concentrating hard and muttering curses, he didn't notice Rise walking up from the tofu store until she called to him from the street.
"Might wanna give that up, Kanji-kun," she said, watching the leaves blow back again. "I just tried to do the same thing at the shop. You're not getting anywhere." She tipped her head and smirked. "Though I guess you're used to that by now, huh?"
Kanji grunted and swept harder.
"Nah, I'm kidding. Though you've gotta do something about Naoto, and I don't mean ogling her in a hot spring."
"I_ wasn't_ ogling!" he snapped. "None of your business anyway."
Except it was, in a roundabout way. Rise's aim to hook up two of her friends wasn't completely altruistic. She was a good actress, but even he'd read the look in her eyes when she first told him Souji and Naoto had started hanging out together. And hell, she had a point anyway.
Kanji let out a sigh, then leaned the broom against the shop wall and flopped down on the step. "But I made up my mind. I wanna try."
Rise arched an eyebrow. "With Naoto?"
"Yeah." He let out a breath. "I just don't think it's gonna work. She ain't interested in that stuff."
"Oh, she's not as uptight as you'd think." Rise sat down next to him, carefully adjusting her skirt. "Okay, I know, she barely knows what fun is - but she seemed to enjoy the hot springs. We had a really good time there."
"Glad someone did," Kanji muttered.
"Yep, it was great," Rise continued, ignoring him completely, then leant closer and added, "Naoto's very soft."
Except Rise must've said something else completely, because that made no sense. He'd probably just misheard. "Whassat?"
"I said _soft_, Kanji-kun. Soft skin, silky hair..." She trailed off with an approving hum. "I can see why you're into her!"
...Holy shit.
Kanji's vision began to go dark at the edges. "Y-you - you were - y-you got to -"
"Yep." Rise beamed cheerfully. "All three of us. At once."
Wait. He'd been here before. Multiple times, in fact, ever since their checkups at the hospital - because when Rise found a way to tease him, she never let it drop. "I-I know you. S'gonna be like the measurements, dammit," he choked out. "So quit it, now!"
"Fine, fine, I get it! Kanji-kun totally doesn't want to hear about what three very cute high-school girls did to his boyfriend in the hot springs."
Damn right he didn't. Or didn't _need_ to, at least. Because that was the type of thing you'd never get out of your mind ever, and the last thing he needed right now was the image of-
Kanji leaned his elbows on his knees, pressed his knuckles against his forehead, and tried not to think.
Abruptly, Rise stood up from the step. She looked down at him, head tilted and smile devilish. "But just so you know - those measurements? Completely on the money."
Still trying not to think, failing miserably, and squeezing the bridge of his nose in advance, Kanji stared up at her. "Y'came all the way up here just to tell me that, didn't you?"
Rise winked. "Yep. G'night, Kanji-kun," she said, then turned and walked back down the street, heels clicking against the concrete.
27. Chapter 21
_A/N: Thanks to all who left feedback on the last chapter. Glad you felt it worked. (Of course, many thanks to all of you who leave feedback, full stop - I really appreciate the encouragement.)_
_Story so far: After two beauty contests and a very unusual play, the team spent a long, bucket-filled night at the ryokan.
_
_In this part: Kanji asks for a totally-not-a-date, the team asks for some guidance, and Dojima asks for the truth.
_
* * *
**November 4th, 2011**
Over the four days since the festival, Kanji had noticed a pattern emerging. A really annoying one.
The school bell would ring at the end of the day. He'd shove his textbooks and scrawled notes into his bag, occasionally needing to wake up first. Then he'd stride past the other pupils, open the classroom door, step out into the corridor - and not see Naoto waiting just beyond the shoe lockers.
She _always_ stood there. Kanji suspected she was investigating exactly who kept shoving envelopes in her locker, one of several reasons he hadn't yet added one himself. The first day she hadn't shown, he'd assumed she'd walked home with Rise - which was fine. His next, unhappier guess - that she'd gone off with Souji - definitely wasn't. Fortunately, he'd been wrong on both counts, since Senpai had been found quietly chatting with Rise by the school gate each afternoon (except for today, when he'd been trying to coax her away from the first floor fire alarm instead).
So, Naoto wasn't with them. She wasn't on the roof, or in the practice building, or even in the gym. Never around at breaks, either. And he hadn't seen her in town yesterday while school had been out. Maybe searching for her was a little weird - but if you had something you wanted to ask someone, you went and found them, right?
Except sometimes they didn't want to be found, no matter how hard you looked. Kanji, a man of limited patience, had finally given up for the day and started walking home instead.
He sighed and kicked his foot against the ground, scattering tiny pebbles across the footpath. Felt kind of petty - but it wasn't like anyone was around to see. Whether due to the cold or to the fact he'd spent an extra half-hour scouring the school for a stupid pint-size detective, the route home above the Samegawa banks was pretty much empty, and the few kids walking back the same way were keeping their distance. Reputations stuck. Maybe Naoto thought the same thing. Maybe that was why she was avoiding- -
No, wait. She'd been bolting out of school, sure, but it was damn arrogant to think he had anything to do with that.
A sudden breeze whipped past and he ducked his chin to his chest to beat the chill. Probably needed to put on his school jacket instead of leaving it draped over his shoulders. He stopped at the side of the path and shrugged off the jacket - but as he was slipping his arms into the sleeves, he glanced down at the riverbank. Someone was standing at the edge of the grey water; a someone who was small, dressed in a Yasogami High boy's uniform, and wearing a dark blue cap.
The riverbank? Why the hell had Naoto come here? Wasn't near to her apartment, or the police station, or anything at all except a damn river. The winds could get brutal along the water, too. Definitely not a place you'd want to hang around on a cold day. Maybe something was wrong?
The steps leading down to the river were nearby and Kanji walked to them in long, swift strides. Unfortunately he wasn't built for stealth, and he'd only reached the third step down when Naoto noticed him. Her eyes widened, then narrowed again - and he had the sudden feeling he was the very last person she wanted to see.
"Kanji-kun." Her voice was utterly flat.
Kanji nodded to her as he jogged down the remaining steps. "Yo, Naoto."
"Are you -" Another gust of wind lashed by and she quickly grabbed the brim of her cap. "Are you following me?"
"No way!" he blurted. "Why'd you think - I mean, I was _lookin'_ for you, sure. Not following. You ran outta school too damn quick for that."
"I had matters to tend to."
His eyebrows rose. "In the Samegawa?"
Naoto shot him a quick glare then aimed it at the river instead. "I am _attempting_ to ruminate over the case," she said, crisp and terse. "Distractions make that difficult."
…Forget this. No point asking someone a question when they'd just called you a 'distraction'. He'd have to try another time, Kanji decided, some day when Naoto wasn't being thorny and skulking around a cold and windy riverbank. "Fine," he grumbled, already turning to leave. "Go wild ruminating."
He was almost back at the top of the steps when Naoto called out. "Kanji-kun, wait."
Kanji immediately froze - but forced himself not to look back.
"I apologize," she said from behind him. It was hard to be certain - after all, it _was_ Naoto - but she sounded sincere. "My temperament is not- -I'm simply frustrated at our progress in apprehending the culprit." She paused. "Or lack thereof."
The wind would have drowned it out, but the pause had been long enough for a sigh. And she'd been bringing this up ever since they yanked her out of that underground base - but by this point, Kanji could sympathize.
"Something'll happen soon," he said, trying to sound confident. It had to. The Midnight Channel never stayed silent for long.
"Perhaps," Naoto answered glumly. When he finally turned around, she was gazing at the base of the steps, one hand holding down her cap.
The wind swept over the river again, rushing along the footpath. Kanji grit his teeth and shoved his hands deep in his pockets. Down by the water, Naoto looked like she was trying to shrink into her jacket.
"Hey, you cold?" he asked.
"No," Naoto shot back. After a beat, she shook her head, shoulders slumping slightly. "…A little. It helps me think."
Kanji was fairly certain that if he stood out in the cold as long as she had, his brain would freeze. Maybe super smart people worked differently. Or maybe they didn't, and Naoto was currently being not very smart at all.
"Should go home. I am," he told her - then, on a burst of courage, kept going. "We, uh, walk the same way. So w-we could do it together. Walking. S'getting late, anyway."
Naoto looked at her wristwatch. "It's half-past four."
"W-well, it'll get late soon!" Kanji squared his shoulders and tried not to shout. "Now, you comin' or what?"
He expected her to challenge him again - why hadn't he quit babbling sooner? - but instead, she climbed the steps up to the footpath and started walking.
Something was off, though. Naoto seemed…awkward. Even more than usual. They walked side-by-side in silence, occasionally huddling down against the wind and, in Kanji's case, trying not to curse when it practically blew right through his thin shirt. Eventually, the strongest gusts died down, and he figured now might be a good time to ask his question - or at least to find out what was bothering her so much.
He looked down at her, though all he could see was the top of her cap. "You've been rushing off after class all week."
A long pause. "Yes."
It seemed like something else should follow that, maybe even an explanation - but Naoto stayed quiet. Time for the direct approach. "Why?"
Naoto tilted her head up at him, then away. "I - there were…certain events recently that -" she began, but stopped short. A few beats later, she spoke again, her voice steady and low. "My reasons are of no import."
Kanji hadn't known Naoto long at all. Even so, he'd still learned enough to suspect that if she said something so often, she'd wind up believing it - and that maybe she knew that. If he pushed her now, he'd get the same answer over and over and have her convinced of it too.
"Thought maybe you were with Rise," he said instead. He paused. "Or Souji-senpai."
Naoto said nothing.
He'd been prepared for defensiveness, confusion, plain indifference, whatever. He didn't know what to do with silence, because you couldn't do anything. Maybe Naoto knew _that_, too. And it was a difficult silence, the sort that got stretched out further and further, far too taut, until somebody finally broke - but this time, to his surprise, it was her.
"You said you were looking for me. For what purpose?"
Dammit.
Kanji, who'd really been hoping she wouldn't ask and had no clue what to do now she had, plumped for denial. "I - uh - s'nothing, really…"
"Very well," Naoto responded, before he had time to finish speaking. And that was probably a good thing, he could write off this attempt and try again later when- -
No, screw that. Time to man up. He stopped walking, Naoto halting a few steps further on. "Hang on and listen," he told her.
She turned to stare up at him, frowning in confusion.
Kanji swallowed and hoped for sensible sentences. "I-I - do you-" He stopped, rubbed the back of his neck, and took a deep breath. "I'm going to Aiya. Right now. If-if you wanna tag along, then…"
He trailed off. No response. All he could hear was the whistling wind, the rustling leaves, the sound of their footsteps against concrete, and eventually, Naoto's very quiet, "Oh."
_Oh_? What the hell did _oh_ mean?
Wasn't like this was a _date_ or anything - not like Naoto had asked him on back in May, except she hadn't really, he'd just read her all wrong (in more ways than one) and maybe she was doing the same thing right now and- -
Starting to panic, Kanji backpedalled. "I-I mean, y'don't _have_ to, I'm just asking!"
Naoto blinked twice then made a crisp gesture in what he took to be a completely random direction, mostly because it pointed straight into the river. "No, I-I jus ought to-"
"Hey, Kanji-kun!"
Kanji swore under his breath.
The voice belonged to Naoki, who was jogging down the path toward them and waving as he ran. Much as his timing sucked, it wasn't surprising to see him. Even before everything with Saki, he'd usually come down to the river when he wanted to wriggle out of chores around the liquor shop. Of course, Konishi-san had quickly figured his son out and Kanji had spent many afternoons during elementary school trying to help Naoki find new hiding places along the banks. Right now, he would've settled for one of his own.
Naoki reached them in seconds, smiling and only slightly out of breath. "Hi, Kanji-kun. Shirogane," he added, with a quick bow of his head that Naoto returned.
"Yo." Kanji nodded toward the direction Naoki had run from. "Needed to get away from the shop?"
Naoki shrugged, lips tight, and fiddled with the buttons on his school jacket. "Yeah. You know." Then the smile returned, and he tapped his fist against Kanji's forearm. "I still owe you a trip to Aiya, remember? Wanna go there now?"
That was right; last time Kanji had asked, Naoki'd blown him off in favour of Souji. Still feeling kind of petulant, he hadn't yet followed up. "Well, yeah, but-"
"But?"
He looked down at Naoto, still standing opposite him and looking like she might be having a very discreet panic attack. "I, uh-j-just asked Naoto that."
Naoki folded his arms against his chest. His gaze had drifted down to the river. "Oh…I see. I don't want to-"
"N-no, it's fine," Naoto cut in. She straightened, both hands clasped behind her back. "I should be leaving and-"
"But I interrupted you guys, I don't-"
"I assure you, it's absolutely-"
"Stop it, both of you," Kanji snapped, not in the mood to deal with two dorks trying to out-polite each other. "All three of us can go, right?"
Glancing between him and Naoto, Naoki hesitated - then shrugged. "Okay, sure."
Naoto gave a tight nod. It looked a little defeated. "Very well."
* * *
Naoki stared through Aiya's open door, watching the rain sheeting outside. "Wow. I think I preferred the gales."
"I was remiss in not checking the forecast," Naoto quietly admitted, then glanced up at Kanji. "This may well last until midnight."
The storm had kicked in shortly after they'd placed their orders. Getting home would suck, but it beat the weather earlier hands down; wind couldn't offer them a new lead in the case. Kanji nodded back, one hand gripping the edge of the door frame. "Yeah. We should head out and - -"
"You gonna leave that open all night, Kanji-chan?"
He glared over his shoulder at Otsuka, who waved back then pointed at the door - sparking a scowl from Kanji in return. Didn't matter how awesome the guy's food was, that _Kanji-chan_ crap had gotten old years ago. "Don't call me that! And quit whining, we're goin'!" He stepped under the shop awning, and nodded toward the street. "C'mon, let's go. Otsuka's being an ass."
The last one through the door, Naoki closed it behind him. "Nobody brought an umbrella?" he asked, shivering slightly and gazing at the leaden sky.
Naoto shook her head. "As I said. Remiss."
"Left mine at home," Kanji added.
Naoki sighed. "I guess we'll just run home and dry off," he said, then tapped Kanji's forearm. "Take care, Kanji-kun. Nice to see you, Shirogane." With that he ran off, his figure soon becoming a blur in the heavy rain.
"I'll be going now too," said Naoto. "Don't forget to watch the-"
"I got an umbrella at the shop," Kanji interrupted. "A spare."
"Thank you, but that won't be necessary."
Maybe not. It was, however, necessary that Kanji not be a grade-A jerk - which involved _not_ letting Naoto get drenched. "You ain't gonna run home in the rain, alright?" He swept his arm toward the north end of the district. "C'mon, the shop's not far."
Naturally, it took two more attempts to persuade her, and they sprinted to the shop in less time than Kanji had spent convincing her to do it. Still, they were both soaked on arrival. He initially fumbled for his keys, figuring Ma would've closed up early due to the weather - but when he tried pushing open the door, she was kneeling in her usual spot at the back of the shop.
"Don't drip all over the floor, Kanji-chan, I've only just…" She trailed off, peering around him. "Hmm? Who's this?"
He glanced back at Naoto, standing under the awning outside while wringing out her waterlogged hat. "Uh, sorry, Ma. We're just here t'get-"
"Oh, I remember! The young man who kept asking after you. Naoto-kun, isn't it?"
Naoto quickly put on her cap, then stepped inside the shop and gave a short bow. "I apologize for the disturbance. Kanji-kun has offered to loan me an umbrella."
She didn't mention the 'young man' part. Kanji kept quiet.
"Ah, he's a good boy, really. Let me fetch it, Kanji-chan, you'll ruin the mats otherwise." Ma slowly rose to her feet, and disappeared through the door to the back rooms of the shop.
Kanji turned to Naoto. "I-I'd show you round...but you been here before." He hesitated. "I, uh, never said thanks."
"For what?"
"Helping the others find me. Ted used the stuff you told 'em to figure out where I was."
She looked away. "I simply provided what information I could," she said, quick and quiet.
"But you didn't have to." He fixed his gaze on a rack of woollen scarves, willing himself not to blush. "So, thanks for doing it."
"Here we are." Ma had reappeared in the doorway, holding a clear plastic umbrella. As she handed it to Naoto, she shook her head. "My, you look drenched! Did you have to come far in the storm?"
"Actually, we were only at Aiya," Naoto explained.
"Were you now?" Ma shot Kanji a look - one that said he'd be getting a lecture about meal times and spoiled appetites as soon as Naoto left. "Well, you're welcome to stay here till you dry off."
"Thank you for the offer, but I should leave promptly. I would prefer to be home before dark." Naoto bowed her head again. "It was a pleasure to meet you again, Tatsumi-san."
Ma smiled gently. "Such a well-mannered boy!" she cooed. "I do hope you'll rub off on Kanji-chan."
No way could he ever sound like Naoto - at least not without swallowing a few dictionaries - but it wasn't worth getting riled up over. Ma was just being Ma. Kanji grunted half-heartedly and followed Naoto back outside.
The rain was still sheeting, and by now it had formed large puddles along the side of the road. "Shame this didn't start up earlier," he said, chuckling. "Coulda ordered Aiya's rainy day special."
"The Mega Beef Bowl," Naoto said, then - since he must've looked as surprised as he felt - added, "Chie-senpai mentioned it. It didn't sound healthy."
Figured Naoto wouldn't have ordered it for herself. Chie, meanwhile, already had an bet going with Kanji on who'd conquer the bowl first. "If anyone can handle it, she can," he said with a grin. "Don't forget to watch tonight, yeah?"
"Of course not." Naoto's brow furrowed. "Though I remain unconvinced I will actually see anything."
"We saw you. Saw Rise too, and the senpai saw me. Dunno how it works, but it does."
"...I hope so." Naoto opened her umbrella, and had already stepped into the street before Kanji spoke again.
"Hey, Naoto."
She glanced over her shoulder. "Hmm?"
"T-thanks. For coming to eat with me - and Naoki," he quickly added.
"Ah. Well, thank you for inviting me," Naoto managed, a little stiffly, and followed it with a swift tip of her cap. "Goodnight, Kanji-kun."
Kanji nodded back, turning to the door as Naoto left. Though he'd meant to head inside the shop, he couldn't help glancing behind him to watch her go - weaving her way around the puddles and soon vanishing into the pouring rain.
* * *
**November 5th, 2011**
Chie squirmed on the bench opposite him and drummed her fingers against the table - just like she'd been doing since arriving at the food court. "So, you saw it too," she asked, without making it sound like a question.
Kanji nodded. "Not much of it, though." He'd stared at the screen so long he swore he could still see flashes of static now, but the faint outline of a person had never sharpened. The image been even hazier than both Naoto's and Rise's appearances.
"Same here. But it was definitely a person," Chie said, finally dropping the finger-drumming in favour of tapping her foot against one of the table's legs. It matched the rhythm of the rain against the shelter roof. "Souji didn't call about meeting here, but I thought, y'know. The usual routine."
Which was the problem. A month ago, they'd had a closed case. Now, they had more waiting around, more trips inside the television - and more chances that they might screw up. "Shouldn't _be_ a routine. We gotta stop this asshole."
"We will! That's the one good thing about this - we go inside the television, kick the crap outta Shadows, and get super strong for the time when we take the bad guy down." She wagged a playful finger at him. "C'mon, don't deny you feel it too!"
Her grin must've been catching; Kanji could feel the corners of his mouth curl up into a small smile. "Y'gotta point. Shame we have to sit out in the cold to do it."
She rolled her eyes - a response he suspected she'd picked up from Yosuke. "It's not _that_ cold. Or at least I don't feel it," she insisted. "Besides, the rain was way worse last night." Kanji was about to point out that the rain wasn't actually the problem, but her gaze had already shifted over his left shoulder, at the sliding doors that led back inside Junes. "Hey, there's Yosuke and Teddie. I bet the others'll be here in no time."
Kanji twisted to look behind him. Yosuke had been waylaid by an unhappy customer as soon as he walked outside, but Teddie was still moving around the tables toward the picnic bench - or, more precisely, shuffling. Guy looked like he could barely keep upright; Kanji half-expected him to pitch over one of the plastic chairs. When he finally reached them, all he managed in greeting was a limp wave. "...Hi, Chie-chan and Kanji-chan."
Chie studied him closely. "Jeez, Teddie. You look beat!"
Dishevelled and slightly soggy clothes, shuffling gait, bruised-looking eyes. Kanji tipped his head. "You remind me of this movie I saw. Had zombies in it."
"Teddie's too tired to be a movie star," Ted whined, collapsing down onto the bench and flopping against Kanji's right shoulder. "Chie-chan, they made me work _all__ night_."
Her eyes widened in concern. "Seriously?"
"Don't go feeling sorry for him." Yosuke, who must've escaped the customer, leaned over and lightly cuffed Teddie's right arm. "Serves you right for crashing on the beds in housewares again!"
Kanji frowned down at Ted - but given the little guy had his face pressed into Kanji's biceps, he probably couldn't tell. "So y'missed the channel?"
"Junes has _lots_ of televisions, Kanji-chan," he said, muffled. "And the people working in electronics are bear-y easy to dodge."
Yosuke slipped onto the bench beside Chie, still glaring at Teddie. "Unlike the staff in housewares. Dude, I wrangled you this job, you've gotta be more-"
"Later, Hanamura," Chie interrupted, pointing at the doors. "Everyone's here now. You can whine at Teddie later."
Over his shoulder, Kanji watched Souji, Yukiko, Rise and Naoto walk out of the store and weave quickly through the tables toward the shelter. After brief greetings and a quick reshuffling of positions - in other words, Teddie trying to arrange all the girls around him before ending up between Kanji and Souji - the entire team was seated.
Souji was the first to speak, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. "So. Everyone watched last night, right?"
Everyone nodded.
"I'd heard of the channel, but never believed it." Naoto shook her head, almost wincing. "To think a master of deduction and evidence would strain her eyes over an urban legend like this...yet, I definitely saw someone."
Yosuke smirked at her. "I guess _masters__ of __deduction_ can get it wrong too," he teased, earning a dark glare from Naoto. "But yeah, I saw someone as well, and I have no idea who."
Souji nodded. "Same. Could anyone tell who it was?"
"From a fuzzy picture like that?" Kanji scoffed. "No way." It'd been hard enough to _see_ the person, let alone recognize them.
"Well, has anyone become famous around here lately?" Yukiko asked - surprising Kanji. He'd figured her and Rise were busy having some sort of competition, given they'd both been gazing at Souji since they arrived.
"There was that politician who visited to quell the rumours about the fog." Naoto had given up glowering at Yosuke and was now frowning at the table instead. "But the chances of him being the next victim are slim. He returned to the city immediately after his inquiry."
"I don't think it was him either," Teddie said, then stretched and let out a yawn. "…But from what I saw…wasn't the person on the screen pretty small?"
Chie arched her eyebrows in doubt. "The image was way too fuzzy to make out any details like that, Teddie. It was probably just your imagination."
Smile perfectly innocent, Souji nudged him in the arm. "Maybe you dreamt it. I hear Junes stocks wonderful beds in housewares."
"Not funny, Sensei. Last night was the worst ever!" Teddie wailed, flinging himself against Kanji's shoulder again - then quickly added, "Except for the ryokan."
Memory cast back to a dark and agonizing time, Kanji reflexively covered his groin. Yosuke and Souji just grimaced.
"Let's change the subject," muttered the latter. "Did you sense anyone in the television world?"
"Nope. No-one's come so far." Teddie nodded to Rise, who was sitting at the far end of the opposite bench. "Rise-chan could try too, but I should be able to tell."
Rise quit staring at Souji just long enough to respond. "I think Teddie's right. We might have to wait another night."
"Guess so. Think this rain'll keep up?" Souji asked.
Everyone turned to Rise. "Weather forecast says it'll last through tomorrow, Senpai," she said.
"I still think memorizing the entire forecast is really weird," said Chie, with a quick shake of her head.
"Only a little," Souji said, smiling at Rise. She beamed right back, cheeks flushed pink. "But we know what to do. Don't forget to check the channel again tonight."
* * *
The rest of the day passed quickly. After leaving Junes, Kanji headed straight back to the textiles shop; Ma hadn't been feeling well that morning, so he'd promised to take over after lunch and handle the afternoon delivery. Customer service wasn't one of his strong points - something Ma gently pointed out when he told her to go rest - but the heavy rain was keeping most people indoors anyway. It made for slow business. To keep from getting bored, he figured he'd make the best of it and clean the place up. By six o'clock, he'd swept the floors, wiped the insides of the windows, catalogued their spools of thread, and rotated their display of winter scarves and hats. The delivery van didn't arrive until after seven, a different guy than usual driving. He kept apologizing for being so late, the rain was terrible and hadn't the weather in town been strange for the past few months?
Kanji nodded in agreement (yeah, all the rain and fog was totally weird), thanked him for the delivery, and tried to keep the last roll of cotton dry as he carried it indoors.
Organizing the new stock had always been his job, and he'd hoped it'd kill some more time - but by the time he finished up it was still only ten o'clock. Now slightly frustrated, and wishing the Midnight Channel was the Early Evening Channel instead, Kanji decided to reorganize all the displays in the shop. Showcase their new stock, get samples of the best fabrics, freak his mother out when she came downstairs the next morning, that kind of thing.
The first time his phone rang was around eleven-thirty. Since he was carrying a majorly bulky box of yarn, he ignored it. Probably just someone reminding him to check the Channel - or maybe just Rise, who liked to call and bug him whenever she got bored.
But seconds after the ring-tone cut out, the phone rang a second time.
Something wasn't right.
He set the box down by the shop counter and fished his phone out of his back pocket. Yosuke's ID was flashing on the screen.
Didn't make sense. Hanamura and him had only ever exchanged texts - if 'exchanging' meant Hanamura implying certain things about Kanji's preferences and Kanji hammering out a stream of obscenities in response. The single time he could remember the guy actually calling him was when Souji had left his cell at home and wanted to round everyone up at Junes. There had to be something going on.
Stomach already sinking, Kanji flipped open the phone. "Yo, s'up?"
_"Dude,__ are__ you __at __the__ shop?"_ Yosuke sounded breathless, and under his voice Kanji could hear two sets of rapid footsteps. _"Souji's__ at __the __police __station __and- -"_
"The station?" Kanji cut in. "The hell's goin' on?" In recent years, he'd basically had a season pass to the cop shop - but Souji was different. Souji didn't get in trouble, didn't have anything to prove, and above all wasn't him.
_"I dunno, his uncle took him there - but it doesn't matter, we've gotta go help him!"_
"Then I'm goin' too. You'll pass our shop on the- -"
_"I know, that's why I called. Ted and me are on our way now. Be outside, okay?"_
"Yeah. I'll be there," Kanji said, then hung up.
Quietly as he could, he dashed upstairs to grab his jacket and umbrella. It didn't seem like he'd woken Ma. Good thing, too; whatever reason he had for rushing to the police station at midnight, she wouldn't like it. Two minutes later, he was waiting outside the shop, watching the rain still pouring out in the street and dripping from the awning above him - but another ten minutes passed before Yosuke and Teddie finally appeared at the south end of the street. They jogged toward the shop, Yosuke dodging the puddles and Teddie splashing straight through.
Ted arrived first, damp despite the umbrella clutched in his hand. "Come on, Kanji-chan. Sensei's in trouble!"
"So let's go!" Kanji shot back, opening his own umbrella and breaking into a jog. Honestly, Souji was probably fine - but by now, _nothing_ seemed right. Take-Mikazuchi, usually pretty quiet outside the television, had started kicking around inside his skull; a wordless stream of jarring noises and sensations that Kanji couldn't decode. Somehow, it felt like a warning.
* * *
The trip to the police station hadn't taken long. Not that it really mattered; Souji wasn't going anywhere. Kanji had been turning things over in his head since leaving the shop, and he still couldn't think of one good reason why Dojima would drag his own nephew in for questioning. Then again, cops didn't need _good_ reasons. They had enough bullshit ones.
"So…what do we do?" Yosuke asked. "Just bust in there and grab him?"
Kanji stared up at the station - the one building in Inaba still brightly lit so late at night - and shrugged. "Best idea we got."
"Then let's go get Sensei!" Teddie closed his umbrella then scurried up the station steps, trying to dodge the rain. It was falling more heavily now; fat droplets that bounced off the road, and pounded against his own umbrella so loudly that Kanji almost missed his phone ringing for the third time that night.
He pulled it from his pocket, not bothering to check the caller ID. "Yeah, s'up?"
_"Did you watch the channel?"_
Naoto calling him was a surprise. Might've been a pleasant one, if he hadn't been waiting outside a police station - and if her voice hadn't sounded so wrong. "No…there's stuff going down, and-"
"_The __figure __we__ saw __- __it __was __Nanako-chan!"_
Kanji sucked a breath through his teeth.
Nanako was the one? How the hell had they missed that? "Holy shit. We gotta get to her house and-"
_"No, I'm there right now, but I'm too late - the kidnapper's already taken her."_
He briefly considered bitching Naoto out for trying to tackle the culprit alone - but deep down, he knew he'd have done the same thing. He'd gotten Topsicles for Nanako, walked around the Junes grocery with her and Souji, even shown her a couple of the glove puppets he'd made. He knew her. So did the rest of the team.
So why hadn't they recognized her sooner?
"But - it ain't- -" Kanji paused, struggling to wrench his thoughts into actual words. "I-I mean, Nanako-chan wasn't even on TV!"
At the top of the steps, Yosuke whipped around. "Nanako-chan what? What's going on?"
_"No, she wasn't. I'll explain later. Chie-senpai, Yukiko-senpai and Rise-chan already know, they're on their way and I'm trying to get hold of everyone else, but Souji-senpai isn't here either, I don't understand where he-"._
"I know," Kanji cut in, if only to force Naoto to take a breath. "He's stuck at the cop shop."
"_What_?_Why __is __he__-_"
"I'm there now with Yosuke and Ted. We're gonna get him out." Kanji climbed the station steps, soon reaching a severely rattled Yosuke. "You ain't far away - so call up everyone else and meet us here, yeah?"
_"…Yes. We'll be there as soon as possible. Don't do anything rash."_
Yosuke made a grab for the phone. "Dude, is that Naoto? Lemme talk to her!" Before Kanji could react, he snatched the cell and pressed it to his ear. "Hey, this is Yosuke. What were you saying about Nanako-chan?"
As he closed his umbrella, Kanji peered through the fogged glass of the station doors. A couple of cops were milling around inside, and another was half-asleep at the reception desk. No need for a full staff at night; nothing ever happened in Inaba. At least, it never used to.
"Oh, _crap!_ Are you sure?" Yosuke ran a hand through his hair, sweeping away droplets of water. "Did you look everywhere? Check the bedrooms, maybe she's- -"
Teddie had been standing in silence, both palms pressed flat against the glass. When he spoke, his voice was the quietest Kanji had ever heard. "Is something wrong with Nana-chan? Why's Nao-chan calling about her?"
Kanji gripped his shoulder. "Don't worry, Ted. We'll figure it out. C'mon, Senpai's waiting for us."
One good thing about repeatedly being pulled in by the cops: by the third or fourth time, you had the layout of the station down cold. All they needed to do was find out which room Souji was in. Kanji pushed open the doors, strode to the reception desk, and smacked both hands against the wooden surface.
Startled, the dozing cop almost fell out of his chair. "Hey-! What're you-"
"Seta. Dojima's nephew," Kanji growled, leaning even further forward. "First or second interview room?"
The element of surprise paid off. So did the height advantage. "S-second," the cop stammered, "b-but-"
No point waiting for the rest. Kanji stormed past him, Teddie following close behind and Yosuke - still talking to Naoto - bringing up the rear. He led them down the long, cramped corridor to the back of the station, finally stopping outside a plain wooden door labelled "Interview Room 2".
Teddie knelt down on the tiles beside the door and tried to squint through the keyhole. "I can see Sensei! And his uncle's there too!"
"Dojima-san needs to know what you found," Yosuke was saying to Naoto. "Stay on the line, alright?" He turned to Kanji, lowering the phone from his ear. "Souji's in there?"
"Looks like."
Yosuke's jaw tightened. "Then what're we waiting for?" he snapped, then shoved the door open and barged into the interview room.
Dojima, standing just inside, swung round in surprise. "The hell're you-"
"Nanako-chan's missing!" Yosuke thrust Kanji's phone toward him. "Naoto's on the line, she'll explain!"
Dojima blinked at him for a moment - then grabbed the phone. "Shirogane?" he snapped. "You there? What the hell's going on?"
Kanji wasn't sure which was worse - the look on his face as Naoto explained what'd happened, or the look on Souji's. Senpai not only didn't look surprised to see them, he didn't even move. He stayed slouched in his chair, staring at the wooden surface of the table.
"Hey," Adachi piped up, nervously. "I think you guys should head outside now and-"
Suddenly, Dojima shoved the phone back into Yosuke's hand. He pulled out his own, punched a few keys, then held it to his ear. Standing close by, Kanji could hear the faint, slightly robotic voice of a phone company recording.
"Nanako isn't answering, is she?" Souji asked quietly.
Dojima stared at the phone in his hand, ashen-faced. "Is this true? Has she-"
"Uncle, this didn't need to happen, we could have- -"
With a sharp shake of his head, Dojima tried the intercom on the desk instead. "Traffic, anyone there?"
_"Traffic Division, Ohta speaking."_
"There's been a kidnapping. Get your men on it immediately!" He continued barking orders, something about checkpoints that Kanji didn't quite catch. He was too busy watching Souji.
He swallowed. "Senpai, you okay?"
"It was that letter," Souji said, without looking up. "That was why Uncle - I'm such an idiot, I should've been- -"
"Dammit, there's no time for this right now!" Dojima struck his fist hard against the table, scattering a short pile of papers. Souji didn't flinch.
_"__Um,__ a-alright,"_ stammered Ohta. _"I'll __try __contacting__ each__ of __the __departments..."_
Didn't sound like he meant it. Didn't convince Dojima, either. Cursing under his breath, he lifted his hand from the intercom. Kanji watched it curl into a fist. "Idiots."
"Dojima-san, wait. Even if you think this is connected to the case, we can't-" Adachi had been trying to block the door, but Dojima pushed him aside. "Hey, hang on, where are you-"
"I'm gonna go look for my daughter!" Dojima snapped - then stormed out into the corridor.
"But you don't have any leads on who –" Adachi lunged forward as if to follow, but stopped short of the door. "Oh, man...what am I supposed to do now?"
"Let Souji go," Yosuke instantly answered. "Then we can go look for her too. Please, Adachi-san!"
"But I- -"
"You heard." They didn't have _time_ for this crap. Fists clenched at his sides, Kanji tipped his head to Souji. "We're leaving, an' he's coming with us."
"Look, I can't just- -"
Once again Adachi was cut off - this time by Chie barrelling through the open door, the other girls in tow. "Guys! We just saw Souji's uncle barging past, is he going after Nanako-chan? Should we follow him?"
Adachi raised his palms. "Whoa, hey! If I let all you guys in here, then I'm really in trouble! And we don't even know- -"
"Quit your bitching! The hell are we still sitting here for when Senpai's family's in danger?" He'd tried to keep it together, but something in this idiot's attitude made Kanji see red - and he lunged forward on instinct, one hand snaring around Adachi's collar. "You gonna own up if something happens? Huh?"
"Kanji-kun!"
It was Naoto's voice, loud and firm. Once again, Kanji instantly let go.
Damn, she had him whipped. And she should've _gotten_ it, he thought, staring at the far side of the room while Adachi readjusted his suit jacket. She wanted to go help Nanako too, she'd run off to the damn house by herself to do it. So why waste time now?
"If we run out blindly," she continued, softer now, "we will have no idea to begin. We should review the facts before taking action."
Typical detective crap. The worst part was, she was totally right - but Kanji kept his gaze fixed on the wall all the same.
"What facts?" Chie protested, behind him. "We don't know anything about this guy."
"We know that the front door at Nanako-chan's house was open. I examined it, and found no trace that entry had been forced."
Yosuke whistled. "Oh, man. The culprit didn't break in at all - Nanako-chan just opened the door!"
"But remember what she said at the hot springs?" Naoto said, though Kanji wasn't sure what she meant. "'I always do what my dad tells me, like not opening the door for strangers'."
"So maybe the culprit's someone Nana-chan knows," offered Teddie. "Any ideas, Sensei?"
When Kanji looked back, Souji was rifling through the papers on the table. "No. The only adults she knows are our neighbours and her teachers - plus Uncle Dojima and Adachi-san, of course."
_Adachi-san_ was currently being an asshole. He kept trying to usher Souji away from the table. More worried about the damn papers than Nanako, Kanji thought, and grit his teeth. "Hey, those are Dojima-san's, you shouldn't-"
"Let's change perspectives," Naoto interrupted. "Each victim was taken at a different location, yet was thrown into a TV almost immediately after being kidnapped. Therefore, the culprit must be taking a large-screen television with him as he goes."
Yukiko's forehead creased in thought. "But then he'd need a big vehicle, not just a car."
"Indeed. I'd expect someone to notice that, especially since most of the victims vanished during the day."
"So it's someone Nanako-chan knows, who has a van, or a truck...but it's a truck that can't be seen?" Perched on the edge of the table, Rise pulled a face. "That doesn't make sense!"
"Maybe they just didn't notice it," Chie said, with a small shrug. "But what sort of vehicle would blend in like that?"
"A delivery truck." Souji was staring at a sheet of paper on the table, one finger pressed over a line near the bottom. "These papers cover Yamano's murder. There's a deliveryman mentioned right here." He looked up. "And I order from the shopping channel pretty often."
Naoto's eyes widened. "Of course...if Nanako-chan regularly receives your packages, the person delivering them wouldn't be a stranger at all!"
Kanji's memories of his kidnapping were almost non-existent - but, if he concentrated hard, one stuck out. "I remember now! There was a delivery to the shop, the day I was taken!"
"The deliveryman...?" Adachi jerked away from the table, fumbling for his phone. "Dojima-san put this stuff together, I've gotta go tell him about this!"
Jerk just wanted to kiss up to his boss. Kanji glared after him as he ran out of the door - then looked back at Naoto, who'd moved next to Souji at the table.
"After resigning from his last job," she said, reading from the sheet of paper, "he took up the family delivery business...and before that he was...a council secretary! Taro Namatame!
Souji nodded grimly. "The enka singer's husband. And his address isn't far from here."
Adachi walked back in the room, slipping his phone into his jacket pocket with his shoulders slumped. He looked up, met the gaze of the entire team - and his expression turned startled. "Uh..."
"Adachi-san," Souji said, barely louder than a murmur.
Hesitating, Adachi glanced across each of the team in turn. "If there's been a break in the case," he said, carefully, "then I'd better hurry to the scene. I'll just have to hope that nothing happens here while I'm gone." He turned back to the door. "I didn't see anything."
Seconds passed, his footsteps echoing down the corridor, before Yosuke finally spoke up. "Guys, let's get to Namatame's place! Dojima-san's probably on his way there now."
"Damn straight!" Kanji punched his fist into his hand. "We're gonna go rescue Nanako-chan!"
And he wanted to believe it, wanted the others to believe it too - but when they all nodded in unison, Souji was the only one who didn't look convinced.
* * *
Travel by foot was the only option. Since neither Yukiko nor Rise had the stamina for distance running, the team fell into two groups: the girls and Teddie in the rear, the guys and Naoto taking point. They'd made it as far as the old gas station and were heading toward the Furaibo bridge when Kanji noticed something curling through the air, on the other side of the river.
It was hard to tell against the night sky, but it looked like- "Hey, is that smoke?"
"You're right...but why would- -" Naoto gasped. "An accident?"
Souji had turned pale. "Quick, over the bridge!" he ordered. He broke into a sprint, Naoto and Yosuke following at a speed Kanji couldn't quite match. By the time he could see the two wrecked vehicles - an SUV resting on its side and a truck smashed into a brick wall - Souji was already kneeling beside his uncle at the edge of the road.
No wonder they'd crashed. The rain had only just eased off as the team had left the police station, and driving on the slippery roads would've been difficult enough even at normal speeds. Kanji glanced back at the river; Dojima had been damn lucky not to run off the bridge.
He was a mess as it was. He'd made it out of the SUV - crawled through smashed windscreen, it looked like - but blood kept streaming from his forehead. Souji had pressed his scarf against the wound with one hand and was gripping Dojima's with the other. Adachi, crouched on the other side, was trying to prevent his boss from sitting up.
Naoto stepped away. "I'll call an ambulance," she said, and pulled out her cell.
Yosuke turned to Adachi. "Did you see what happened? Or where Namatame went?"
"I got here after the crash," he answered, shaking his head. "I should radio for backup. We gotta find him!"
Like that'd be any help. The cops had been hopeless throughout the entire case. Wanting to make himself more useful, Kanji stalked over to Namatame's truck, lifted the fabric flap at the back and peered inside. Even in the dim light from the street lamps, he could still see the outline of a flat-screen television, almost as large as the one they'd been jumping in at Junes.
"Whoa." Yosuke had walked up beside the truck. "He really _was_ carrying a TV around."
Adachi shot to his feet. "Hey, keep away from there! We need to preserve the scene!"
"Then allow me," offered Naoto, level and smooth. "If it rains again while we wait, any evidence will be lost regardless."
Adachi opened his mouth, as if to protest - but stopped when Dojima aimed a weak smack at his shin and muttered something Kanji couldn't hear. Whatever it was, Adachi wasn't happy.
"Dojima-san says it's okay," he said, almost wincing. "...Go ahead, I guess."
Naoto responded with a quick nod. Using her arms for support, she pushed herself up onto the truck and climbed through the open flap. A faint glow lit up the interior seconds later; looking closely, it seemed to come from her wristwatch.
She stared at the television for a moment, before reaching out a hand. Her fingers slipped through the screen. "...Our theory was correct."
Kanji leaned forward and poked his head through the flap. Voices had started up behind him, loud and overlapping - the girls must've finally showed - but he kept his attention focused on the TV. "Y'don't think that asshole actually..."
"Jumped in? It's possible. He would have been desperate." Naoto turned toward the truck's windshield. "Hold on...I think there's something on the floor up front."
As she climbed through the gap between the seats, Yosuke cursed under his breath. "This is bad. If Namatame took Nanako-chan inside the TV..."
"But why would he do that?" Rise leaned around Kanji's left shoulder, trying to see inside the truck. "He has to know how dangerous it is, he's been throwing people in there!"
Kanji shrugged. "Probably didn't care. The guy's nuts."
Moments later, Naoto climbed back through the front seats, now holding a small spiral-bound notebook. "I found this by the passenger seat. A diary." She sat on the edge of the truck and began flipping through the book, stopping a few pages in. "'_I__ learned __the __existence __of __a __new__ world. __Thus,__ I __must __save __people_.'"
Kanji frowned. The new world had to be the TV, but... "Save? The hell's he mean by that?"
"I'm not sure..." Naoto answered, still flicking through the notebook - then drew a sharp breath. "This page...it's a list of the victims' home addresses! Mayumi Yamano, Saki Konishi...Yukiko Amagi, Kanji Tatsumi, Rise Kujikawa...even the victims who survived and were never released to the public are here."
"Wow." Radio still in hand, Adachi shook his head. "I guess that settles it."
Naoto looked up from the book, stared at him - but didn't say anything.
Yosuke did - angrily. "Dammit! He used the same trick on all everyone...pretending he was making a delivery, then throwing them in! Namatame's the killer!"
"The last date is today's," Naoto said, her concentration back on the diary. "'_I__ can't __believe __such__ a __small __child __appeared__ on __it. __I __must __save __this __child, __no __matter __what_.'" She closed the notebook and held it tight in her hands. "And if 'save' means taking them to this 'new world'..."
"...Then Namatame and Nanako are inside the television." Souji was now standing behind Rise, expression perfectly, carefully blank.
"We need to go rescue her!" Chie gripped the edge of the truck next to Naoto, as if to climb inside. "C'mon, let's use this TV and- -"
Darting forward, Teddie tugged at her track jacket. "Wait! We don't know where we'll enter through this one! What if we end up somewhere dangerous?"
So what? They could handle it. They'd beaten everything that world had thrown at them - why would it make a difference where they started out? "That don't matter!" Kanji told him. "We've gotta- -"
"Stop it, Kanji-kun!" The glare Rise shot him was more desperate than angry. "If we fail, who's going to save Nanako-chan?"
He opened his mouth, ready to object - until a hand landed on his shoulder. Fingers gripping tight, Souji looked him in the eye. "Not yet, Kanji. It doesn't seem like it's going to be foggy tomorrow. We go in then, same way as usual - and we find Nanako." He looked back at Dojima. "I promised."
Sirens were already sounding across the bridge. If they jumped in now, they might not all make it before the ambulance showed - and hell, maybe Souji was right. Kanji gulped, and faltered. "...Okay, Senpai."
* * *
**November 6th, 2011**
Yosuke leaned back in the plastic chair and stretched his legs out into the stark white corridor. "I am _so_ glad we don't have school tomorrow."
Kanji was staring out the window opposite Dojima's room, hands braced against the sill. "Which is why we shoulda gone in tonight," he muttered. The rain had started up again, running in crooked rivulets down the glass pane, blurring his view of the hospital courtyard.
"Dude, there's no way. I totally get how you feel, but-"
"No, you _don't_. If y'did, you'd wanna go in too."
Behind him, Yosuke let out a deep sigh. "Look, we can't. Like Souji said, Nanako-chan will be okay in the TV for-"
"How the hell would you know?" Kanji swung round, swiping his fist through empty air. "I know what it's like in there, _you_ never had to do it!"
Yosuke opened and closed his mouth, twice - but before he could answer, Yukiko leapt in. "I did. But we can't go in tonight, Kanji-kun. We're exhausted, we'll make mistakes." She walked closer, until she stood beside him at the sill. "Remember, we were all fine inside there as long as the fog didn't start over here."
Like he didn't know that. Tiredness had been gnawing at his bones since they left the station - but it was just wrong, going home and sleeping, leaving Nanako in there with that murdering bastard. "S'different. She's a little kid."
"...I know." Yukiko's gaze shifted to the window. She looked like she might start crying, and he had the immediate urge to apologize. "But please...just trust Souji-kun. We all have to."
Souji had almost gotten it wrong with Naoto. For a moment, Kanji had the strange, sickening impression that he actually _had,_ and didn't that mean it could happen all over- -
He swallowed hard. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right."
Yukiko gently squeezed his arm. When she walked back to the empty seat between Chie and Rise, he considered sitting down too - but the plastic chairs were the same type they had all over the damn building. Hard and uncomfortable, as if everything wasn't already awful enough; as if people weren't already here for bad reasons.
Fricking hospitals.
"I'm sorry, Kanji-chan."
He glanced sideways. Teddie was next to him, looking at the floor and playing with the collar of his still-damp shirt. "Huh?"
"I-I wanted to go get Nanako-chan too - but it wasn't _safe._" He lifted his head - and if Yukiko had seemed close to tears, he looked closer. "If we all jumped in somewhere different then maybe I couldn't get us out again, and- -"
Shit, this was stupid. Damn bear had been trying his best. Kanji sighed, straightened, and clapped a hand against Teddie's back. "S'alright. I get it."
Yosuke was hunched forward now, elbows resting on his knees. He nodded to the empty chair beside him. "It's not your fault, Ted. Sit down for a bit, okay?"
Teddie obliged, and the team fell back into silence. Even the girls weren't talking. Kanji fixed his gaze on the windowsill, listening to the nurses walking between rooms and the doors opening and closing in distant corridors. It seemed like hours before he finally heard one open right behind him, and turned to see Naoto step through.
Yosuke twisted in his seat. "Hey, is Dojima-san-"
"Souji-senpai is with him."
"Okay. Cool." The cord of Yosuke's headphones was tangled tight around his fingers. "Guess we'll wait."
Naoto responded with a slight nod. She walked away from the chairs, halting a short way down the corridor. Out the corner of his eye, Kanji watched her stare at the tiled floor, hands shoved deep in her pockets.
He'd worked up the guts to ask her to Aiya, even if he totally, one hundred percent hadn't intended it as a date (and even though Naoki had gatecrashed). And if he could manage that, he could talk to her now. Kanji ran a hand through his hair, took a deep breath, then ambled over to stand opposite her.
"You alright?" he asked in a low voice.
Naoto didn't answer the question. Looking at her, she didn't need to. "I didn't anticipate this. I wasted so much time."
They all had. Kanji wasn't sure they'd had any choice. "Did what we could."
"And it was insufficient. I let Souji-senpai down."
He frowned down at her, trying to gauge her expression - or lack of one. "C'mon, man. Start throwing blame around an' we all deserve it."
Her response was sharp and immediate. "No. Our situations are entirely different."
"Why?"
Naoto was quiet for a long moment. "Because you're all amateurs," she said at last. "This isn't your job."
_Amateurs__ who__ saved__ your __ass_, Kanji almost shot back, but held his tongue. Wouldn't help. Problem was, he didn't know what would. Naoto had already drawn away from him, pressing her back against the wall - and, lost for any other option, he did the same. They stood silent, on opposite sides of the corridor, and waited for Souji.
28. Chapter 22
_A/N: Happy new year, guys. Hope you enjoy this belated installment._
_Story so far: The Midnight Channel returned and the culprit was discovered - but all too late to save Nanako._
_In this part: Tempers get frayed, Shadows get trashed, and Kanji gets Naoto wrong and right._
* * *
**November 6th, 2011**
"Still don't see what the big frickin' deal is," Kanji muttered.
A rescue mission involved getting tooled up, which involved new weaponry - which, in turn, involved Daidara. Or at least it would, if Hanamura would quit hovering outside the bookstore and haul his ass to the metal works shop next door. Kanji had spent the last five minutes watching him pretend to read a dog-eared copy of Witch Detective #13. It wasn't even a good issue.
Yosuke pulled a face. "Dude, the guy's creepy. Why d'you think I usually wait outside?" He frowned down at the manga in his hands. "Wish Souji had shown."
"What, y'want Senpai to hold your hand? Daidara's cool."
"He makes weapons out of shadow guts and hawks them to high-schoolers." Yosuke shivered. "_Creepy_."
Kanji's forehead creased with thought. Yosuke Hanamura, standing in the middle of the Inaba shopping district, willingly holding a Witch Detective manga. Something was up. "C'mon, man. What's your problem?"
"Nothing." Yosuke's reply was way too quick. "Hey, and here comes Naoto-kun to chew me out too."
Kanji glanced over his shoulder. Naoto, who must've finally gotten bored of waiting around outside Daidara's, was crossing the short distance between them with her hands clasped behind her back. She stopped next to him - or at least in the same general area as him, give or take a metre. Right now, he'd settle for that.
"Yosuke-senpai," she said, "I understand the fascination of the written word," - and here, she noticed the Witch Detective logo and blinked at it - "but we must conclude our business as quickly as possible."
Sighing, Yosuke put the manga back on the display table. "Yeah, I know. It's just - Souji ought to be here. He's _always_ here when we do this."
"And he entrusted you with that role. We are wasting time."
Yosuke had apparently woken up to a series of texts from Souji, which he'd then forwarded to the rest of the team. Together, they formed a set of instructions. Go to Daidara's, buy this, go to Shiroku, buy that.
Problem was, nobody had heard from Senpai since.
Yosuke shifted from leg to leg, gaze fixed on the gap between Naoto and Kanji - then shrugged and began walking. "Fine. Let's go."
The shopping district had taken a hit after Junes arrived in town, but Kanji doubted Daidara had noticed. The team had probably brought him more business over the past six months than he'd seen in the last decade. Looking through the shop's dusty windows, Kanji couldn't see a single customer inside - only Daidara himself, lugging a large sheet of grey metal through a side door and over to his workshop. "Looks like he's in."
With another loud sigh, Yosuke pushed open the door and stepped through.
The shop itself wasn't exactly small; Daidara had just crammed it with so much crap, it felt as large as a Junes elevator. Full suits of samurai armour, ornate guns and swords, welded metal sculptures, weird stuff Kanji couldn't hope to identify...he stocked it all. Selling it was probably a different matter. Whole place smelled like cigarette smoke, too. Kanji glimpsed a small trail of it way in the back, behind the latticed wall of Daidara's workshop. Judging by the racket as they entered, the old man had been busy sawing something, but the creak of the door still caught his attention.
He peered through the gaps in the wall, frowning, then broke into a broad smile. "Ah, Tatsumi and the Junes boy!" he boomed as he walked out to the counter - lit cigarette in one hand, hacksaw in the other. "And the detective lad, too. What marvelous materials have you brought me today?"
"_Junes__ boy_," Yosuke muttered, and turned to glare at a rack of claymores.
"Nothin'," Kanji said. "We just need new stuff."
"Hmm. No matter. Still working through the last batch." Daidara took a drag on his cigarette, then exhaled, puffing smoke into the air. "Most inspiration I've had in years. What do you need?"
"Lemme see..." Kanji whipped out his phone and brought up Souji's texts. "…Stronger boots for Chie-senpai, a sharper set of claws for Teddie…and a thicker shield for me, provided it ain't too heavy." Flipping the phone shut, he tipped his head toward Yosuke. "Plus a new pair of knives for Junes boy here. An' we need it all quick."
Yosuke muttered again, this time something unrepeatable. Daidara, meanwhile, paused for a long moment, scratching his chin. "…Let me see what magic I can work," he eventually said. "True art requires the luxury of time - but I have a few pieces near-finished." Leaving the hacksaw on the counter, he walked back behind the lattice and started poking through the wobbling stacks of material piled on the floor: the horns, crosses, lumber, and general junk the team had hauled back from the TV world.
...Man, the place was a mess. Kanji rocked on his heels, dimly wondering if he could persuade Daidara to let him drop by and tidy up. He'd occasionally had the same thought about Naoto and that damn closet in her apartment - the only place in the world more cluttered than this shop - and reached a very negative conclusion. Right now, the same could be said for most everything involving her.
He'd tried to talk with her again last night, after Souji had emerged from Dojima's room. Stupid idea. And he shouldn't have expected anything good, with both of them anxious and scared and awake for eighteen hours straight - but he'd tried anyway, stumbling over half-formed sentences until Naoto pretty much just walked away. She'd still been acting off this morning, too. Not angry, and not the way she'd been right before Nanako's kidnapping; something different. Kanji couldn't put a finger on it, just as he couldn't shake the feeling that she was disappointed, like the team hadn't lived up to their promise. As if they'd failed some test.
Screw it, they'd been trying their best. Maybe they were all too _amateurish_, he thought, a little bitterly.
...Or maybe he was just being a dick. He glanced sideways at Naoto as she watched Daidara through the lattice. The old guy had moved to the anvil and started hammering at something Kanji couldn't see.
"You met him before?" he asked her, over the clang of metal on metal.
Naoto nodded. "I visited this shop during my initial investigation of the shopping district." She paused. "He attempted to sell me a two-headed war axe."
"Word of warning - if you ever buy one, don't wave it around in Junes," Yosuke said, with a roll of his eyes. "But hey, speaking of which...you think Rise and Teddie have found anything yet?"
Kanji shrugged. "Ain't like they'll need extra information. We know Nanako."
"Yeah. We do." Yosuke ran a hand through his hair, trying to tuck the longer strands behind the cups of his headphones. "Soon as Old Creepy's finished, we'll head out. Chie and Yukiko should be done at Shiroku by then, and it won't take us long to find Souji."
"We will go directly to Junes." Naoto made it sound like an order.
Yosuke hesitated, mouth partly open - then turned aside and pulled out his phone. "...Let me try calling him again first."
Without Souji, they couldn't do a damn thing; Kanji had proved that back at the Secret Base. But he'd already dialed Senpai's number three times today without an answer, and he had the feeling Yosuke had tried a whole lot more.
...Naoto was probably right. Wasn't like Souji would skip out. No point fussing.
Kanji glanced back. Naoto had half-turned away too, one hand on her hip, fingers splayed in rigid lines. "A complete waste of time," she muttered.
* * *
During his first willing trip inside the television, Kanji had outright refused to go back to the bathhouse. The rest of the team had readily agreed with him, so Souji had smiled, nodded, and taken them to Yukiko's section instead. Her Shadow was a Princess - which Kanji had mentally translated as 'has an awesome fairytale castle'. After seeing the dark stone towers stretching into the red and black sky and the twisted statues surrounding the courtyard, he'd decided the bathhouse had been the better deal. Scary damn place.
Nanako's castle? Completely different.
After Rise and Himiko led them through the fog, the light pouring through the castle's open drawbridge left him blinking. No red and black here, either; the sky was a solid pale blue, save for the faint rainbow arching between the stone walls. On the other side stood a massive tree. Kanji looked up at the gleaming tiled squares surrounding its trunk, stacking up as far as he could see.
He'd seen first-hand the kind of crap this world made, the junk it yanked out of people. He hadn't imagined any of it could be beautiful.
"This place..." Rise began, then trailed off. "...It's _amazing_. Like a storybook vision of heaven."
When he spoke, Yosuke's voice was unusually quiet. "Yeah...exactly. Deep down, Nanako-chan must really miss her."
"I'm sure she does," Yukiko said, with a sudden, questioning glance at Kanji. "She's only a child."
Him and Yukiko had still been sort-of-friends when his old man had died. After that, everything had changed, but Kanji had never forgotten how it'd felt in the months and years after his dad was gone. Never would. Like a heavy rock pressing down on your chest - except when you finally managed to get it lifted, there was nothing underneath but empty space.
What if it was the same for Nanako?
He took a deep breath and forced his voice steady. "Yeah, but she's got us. And we're gonna do everything we can to rescue her, right?"
"Right on." Yosuke's hand landed against his back. "Forget Namatame. We'll get that son-of-a-bitch later."
Souji gave a grim nod and began walking toward the castle's bright-white entrance. "We're not stopping till we find Nanako-chan."
The rest of the team fell in step behind him. Chie glanced around her as they went - first at the tree, then at the glowing gate, then at the pale pink flowers creeping over the castle walls. "It's so pretty...I wonder what it's like inside?"
Yukiko shook her head. "I'm not sure. Nanako-chan's young, but maybe there are still Shadows in- - Rise-chan? Is something wrong?"
Rise had stopped a few meters behind them. She was looking up at the tree again - and shrinking away. "Something feels...different. Wrong," she managed, eyes wide and jaw tensed. "Nanako-chan - she isn't alone. Himiko can hear someone else."
"Namatame." Naoto's gaze was fixed firmly on the castle entrance. "Remember, he did not run from the accident. He leapt."
"And into the same television - so they would've wound up in the same place," Rise said, shivering. "This part of the TV world...they _both_ built it."
Souji let out a soft curse, pinching the bridge of his noise, then glanced at the fog behind them, almost like he wanted to head back. Kanji was ready to voice an objection, and loudly - but a moment later, Senpai was striding toward the gateway light. "Let's go. We have to hurry."
* * *
Shit, they were outmatched.
Should've practiced more, Kanji thought as he threw himself to the floor in a sideways half-roll, should've come in here instead of screwing around with hot springs and festivals and- -
The lance thrust down to his left, spearing through the floor and scattering fragments of tile. Good. Give him a couple of seconds while the Knight yanked it back out. As he sprang to his feet he saw Sukuna-Hikona rocket past him, saber outstretched, and slice through the Cyclops further down the pathway.
He glanced back at Naoto - now firing her pistol at the Knight, why the hell hadn't she learned yet - and tried to prioritize. Three shadows. All still standing. Which one needed beating down first?
...Cyclops was nothing special. He'd tackled them before. Kanji turned back to the Knight, Take-Mikazuchi's card already in his hand.
It was the wrong choice.
Rise's voice rang inside his head. _"Guys!__ The Cyclops has__ Ziodyne,__ brace__ your-"_
Didn't see the lightning bolt. Didn't feel it, beyond a slight tingle over his skin. But he did hear the raw crackle of electricity, a split-second before Yosuke's strangled yell.
Kanji blinked as the white glare faded, trying to readjust, but he'd already crushed his card on reflex. Blurred and washed-out, Take-Mikazuchi smashed one heavy fist into the Cyclops, shattering its outer ring and knocking it to the floor.
Souji was still on his feet, a red star-shaped Persona floating behind him. Naoto, shuddering, was down on one knee, and Yosuke was curled up on the floor. He'd need healing, which right now, meant he needed Souji - which meant Kanji would have to hold off the Shadows.
_"Yosuke-senpai's down! And watch out for the Phantom- -"_
He hurled himself forward, shield above his head, and slammed it down on the prone Cyclops. The impact shook his teeth, but the Shadow vanished in a sputtering cloud of black smoke.
One down. That left the Knight. Naoto was probably still bouncing fricking bullets off it. Mind racing through Take-Mikazuchi's attacks, Kanji pulled out his card again - then noticed the three purple lights swirling in front of him.
...Mudoon?
The lights had him frozen in place. No way to dodge. He stiffened, jaw clenched tight, telling himself it wouldn't hit, it never did -
- and then the lights vanished.
Free to move again, he swung around just in time to see the Phantom Lord behind him disintegrate in a column of bright golden light. The light almost immediately died away, leaving a cloud of tiny sparks, like fireflies - and Sukuna-Hikona whirling through them in what looked like a victory barrel roll. The Persona kept going, speeding down the pathway and slashing its saber in a wide arc through the Knight's torso.
Naoto glanced over her shoulder, catching Kanji's eye for barely a moment, then turned her attention back to the Shadow.
_"Kanji-kun, what are you waiting for? That thing's weak to electricity, hurry up and take it down!"_
The rebuke pissed him off - but ultimately, Rise needn't have bothered.
"Seiryu!"
The roaring, writhing dragon - why did Senpai have so many freaky Personas, couldn't he just stick with that little Jack Frost guy? - materialized on the other side of the Knight, its long tail twisting above Souji's head.
Kanji stood, card still in hand, too stunned to do anything but watch.
An instant later, it was over. The Knight caved under Seiryu's Ziodyne, and a swift Megidola from Sukuna-Hikona finished it off. At the back of his mind, Take-Mikazuchi rumbled with wordless approval (mixed with the grudging admission that even midget Personas with crappy magic weren't _completely _worthless).
Take-Mikazuchi, Kanji reflected, could be a real jerk. He wasn't in the habit of talking to his Persona, though. No point in chatting with something that didn't know any words. He sighed, mentally shoved the Persona aside, and walked over to the others.
Souji's healing had worked quickly; Yosuke was already back on his feet and dusting off his jacket, though still shivering with the movement. "Nice work, guys. Sorry I went down so easy."
"Not your fault," Souji said - flatly, like he hadn't really been listening.
Kanji had been about as much use as Yosuke. Might've gone down badly, if not for Naoto. Slipping his card back in his pocket, he turned to face her. "H-hey, Naoto. Thanks."
She nodded, but didn't look at him. Without a word, she pulled her gun from its holster and began rifling through her pockets for bullets.
What was _with_ her today?
"Naoto bailed us out again?" Yosuke shook his head. "Man, when did light and dark become useful?" He turned to Naoto and dropped into an exaggerated bow. "Naoto-kun, I officially take back most of my comments about your totally useless Persona."
It should've gotten a rise. A flat stare, a snapped retort, whatever. Instead, Naoto kept her attention on her gun as she emptied and reloaded the chamber.
_"I__ know, __it's __weird!__" _said Rise. "_A __ton__ of __the __Shadows__ here __are __weak __to __Hama __and __Mudo.__ Guess__ we're __lucky __to __have__ you__ along, __Naoto-kun."_
Again, no response. Naoto still didn't look up, and Souji had gone quiet too.
Twirling one of his blades, Yosuke shot an awkward glance at Kanji, then coughed. "Uh, guys…maybe we should go back and recharge. Jiraya could...use a boost, maybe?"
Poor guy was floundering. Kanji forced a grin. "Let that damn fox rip us off, right?"
"Yeah! Exactly."
"A pointless endeavour." Naoto's voice cut the air like a knife. "It would not effectuate Nanako-chan's rescue."
Yosuke flinched. "Kinda harsh there, Naoto."
'Harsh' wasn't strong enough. Kanji hadn't thought it possible to cram so much condescension into two sentences. And maybe this was what she really thought of them - a group of idiots, stumbling around with their made-up investigation, trying to fill a role she'd spent her whole life learning. She'd told them more or less the same thing back in the summer, right after they'd captured Kubo.
But five months later, he'd expected better. Naoto could be difficult, could be blunt, could be an outright jerk, but he'd never before gotten the feeling it was on purpose. Jaw tight, he glanced at Souji on instinct, half expecting him to call her out. Instead, Senpai must've taken the look for a question. He shook his head and hefted his sword. "One more floor."
* * *
**November 10th, 2011**
Kanji ran a hand along his jaw, fingers trailing over a long, still-blue bruise. Gigas could hit damn hard. It'd hurt so bad, he'd swear the bone had actually broken; at least Teddie had been able to fix that.
The bruises had stayed, though. Both Yukiko and Ted had been too worn down, the first from running around the castle and the second from patching everyone up when they stumbled back. Maybe the shadows in Heaven were too strong, or maybe Personas just got tired. Either way, the healing wasn't working as well as it should. He was used to a few dull aches after a TV run - but real injuries were harder to brush off.
Harder to explain, too. At breakfast this morning, Ma had glanced him up and down then given him this _look_; same one she'd given him after he'd trashed that biker gang. Kanji couldn't blame her.
"Kanji-kun?"
He glanced up. "Hey, Yukiko-senpai."
He'd decided to wait outside the school gate after the day's final class, thinking he'd catch one of the others so they could head to Junes together. Yukiko fit the bill - but for some reason, Kanji found himself wanting to stay put.
"Are you alright?" Yukiko asked, eyebrows angled in concern. "Yesterday afternoon...the Shadows gave you a really hard time."
"Same for all of us." He shrugged then leaned back against the gate's right pillar. The rough brick scratched against the back of his head. "Should be askin' you the same question."
She managed a weak smile. "Oh, I'm fine. Just a little tired."
_Bullshit_, Kanji thought. Souji had kept Yukiko as their main healer in almost every run through the castle. It'd reached the point where Teddie - stuck sitting with Kanji and Yosuke - had started asking if Sensei didn't like him anymore. Kanji would never admit it, but he was starting to wonder the same thing. He hadn't been on the main squad since their initial attempt at Nanako's Heaven, and yesterday had been his only chance to prove himself. He'd blown it - then been dumped back at the castle entrance to be healed up by Teddie, while Souji went back to his damn dream team.
Efficiency, Senpai had called it. Chie for raw strength, Yukiko for healing, Naoto for light and dark, and him for everything else. The best way to reach Nanako quickly. Kanji had tried to take him at his word. Yosuke, meanwhile, had rolled his eyes and muttered something about a harem.
Grimacing, Kanji looked at Yukiko and shook his head. "Souji-senpai can't keep this up. It's wearing you and Ted out." He tilted his neck and pointed to the bruises on his jaw. "That's why I still got these."
Both hands tightly gripping the handle of her schoolbag, Yukiko turned away. It wasn't fast enough to hide her sudden flash of guilt. "I'm sorry, Kanji-kun. I really did try."
"Shit, I didn't- -" Great. Upset your friend then curse at her. He paused, and let out a breath. "I didn't mean it like that. Don't care 'bout a couple of bruises. Just no good if you get burned out, y'know?"
"It's difficult." Yukiko had started picking at loose red threads on the bottom hem of her blouse; Kanji resisted the urge to scold her. "Chie's careful, as much as she can be - but Souji, he's...being reckless. It isn't like him. And Naoto-kun's behaving the same way."
"Naoto?" Kanji cut in, frowning.
Souji taking risks was weird enough, but Naoto? Made no sense. She was into logic, reason, all the crap that both filled Kanji with admiration and drove him up the wall.
...Except, of course, for the tiny part where she'd baited the killer and gotten herself thrown in the TV - and her behavior over the past few days was far too similar to right before she'd done it.
Yukiko apparently hadn't heard him. She continued, voice shot through with frustration. "It's just- -I need to keep everyone safe but Amaterasu can only do so much, and when they're _deliberately_- -" She cut the sentence off with an apologetic shrug. "I-I'm sorry, Kanji-kun, you don't need to hear this."
"You got a right to vent." Just like he had the right to know what was going on. Souji was desperate to get to Nanako, that made sense. But if he exhausted them all trying to get there, mistakes would happen. Like yesterday. They hadn't been ready for the next floor, Rise had said so six times over. But where Souji went, the team went too - and, in Kanji's case, promptly got their ass handed to them on a Gigas-shaped platter.
"You do, too. I'm sorry he's been leaving you behind."
Truth was, Kanji and Yosuke just weren't as useful, not right now. If Souji wanted a heavy hitter, he had Chie. If he needed a healer, there was Yukiko - or, at a push, Teddie - and Naoto was the only other team member who knew light and dark. No room for anyone else. Kanji got it, kind of - no time for training, just a blitz to the top of the castle - but the understanding didn't help.
He shook his head, gaze fixed on the ground. Wasn't right, second-guessing Souji, especially not now. "Senpai's choice. He's the boss. And it ain't just me anyway."
"No, it isn't - and it's stupid," Yukiko said, and the force it in surprised him. "You, Teddie, Yosuke, you all need the opportunity to train too, or we won't be ready."
Wasn't much Kanji could say to that. He didn't know about Naoto, since she was still new to the team, but there was no question he was falling behind Chie and Yukiko. Yosuke - who'd been benched for over half the Secret Base - was even worse off.
"I was dreaming last night." Yukiko's voice was soft, with a slight shake Kanji almost didn't catch. "We were trying to fight Namatame, but it - it wasn't working, e-everyone was..."
She trailed off. He lifted his head, not sure what he was supposed to say - or if there was a right answer at all - then realized why she'd stopped.
Kou and Daisuke were standing a few meters away. Must've just walked out the gate. Between them was a blonde girl, the one who'd helped Teddie get dolled up for the pageant. Ai, Ted had called her, or Ayu, something like that. For some reason, the three of them kept glancing over at Kanji and Yukiko. He moved forward from the pillar, ready to ask what the hell they were staring at, when Kou suddenly turned and walked toward him, Daisuke and Ai quickly following.
Kou didn't say anything at first. Just stood there at an awkward angle, hands shoved in his trouser pockets. Kanji watched his thumbs worry the fabric inside.
"Afternoon, Amagi-san," he finally said, then nodded to Kanji. "Yo, Tatsumi."
Kanji returned the nod. "S'up."
"We, uh, heard about what happened with Souji's cousin. The little girl."
With years of practice under her belt, Yukiko instantly switched to manager mode. "Yes, the kidnapping. It's awful."
"Couldn't find him today. Might've stayed home," Daisuke said, with a shrug that tried too hard to be casual. His gaze, initially fixed on Kanji, shifted to Yukiko. "But you - you and him hang out. If you think he needs anything, whatever it is, let us know, alright?"
"I will. That's very kind of you."
Hands on her hips, Ai lifted her chin. "Souji's a good guy. The cops are gonna find his cousin soon."
Yukiko didn't hesitate. "Of course they will."
"Right, so make sure you tell him that." Ai paused, her expression softening. "And that we're thinking about him."
"He'll be glad to hear it."
"Yeah." Kou shuffled in place. "Guess we'll get going now. Thanks, Amagi-san. Later, Tatsumi."
As she watched the trio leave - Ai still in the middle, Kou and Daisuke either side - Yukiko raised an eyebrow. "Well, that was surprising."
Kanji frowned down at her. "Why? They're gonna care, they're Souji-senpai's friends." Three among many; Souji seemed to know everyone.
"Maybe I should rephrase that," she said, delicately. "_Ebihara_ was surprising."
"The blonde? Y'don't like her?"
Yukiko winced. "Chie...doesn't have many good things to say about her. At all. Something about hair-pulling and basketball practice last spring. She spends a lot of time with Souji, too," she added, a little darkly - but quickly followed it with, "though she was very pleasant just now."
Kanji shrugged. Ebihara seemed like exactly the kind of girl that used to terrify him, and maybe still did - but who was he to judge? "First impressions ain't always right."
Yukiko glanced up at him, mouth curved in an odd sort of smile. "No, they aren't." She paused, looking thoughtful. "I've seen her and Teddie talking at Junes twice now, and he seems to think the world of her."
Kanji snorted. "'Course he does. She's a chick."
At that, Yukiko giggled. Wasn't even close to one of her laughing fits, but that was probably for the best - and with how anxious she'd seemed, he was happy to just make her smile. Shame it faded so quickly. She let out a quiet sigh, her expression solemn again. "You know, Ichijo and the others aren't the only ones who've asked me about Souji and Nanako-chan - and everyone keeps saying the same thing. 'The police will find her'." Yukiko shook her head. "I wish we could tell them the truth."
Like anyone would believe them. The cops hadn't listened to Naoto's warnings about Kubo. Try telling them about Shadows and Personas and jumping in televisions, and even Souji wouldn't be able to make it convincing.
Kanji pushed away from the pillar and tipped his head toward the footpath. "C'mon, Yukiko-senpai. We're gonna be late."
* * *
Sat cross-legged on the floor of the T.V. world's main lot, Kanji let out a deep sigh. Partly because watching Teddie brush his suit was really making him want to pet it (damn _fox_ let him, why the hell was the bear so fussy), and partly because he had hated having nothing better to do in the first place.
Behind him stood Rise, Himiko at her back as she guided Souji and the team through the twisting middle levels of Heaven's castle. It left her too busy to talk. Yosuke was pacing around the lot - as usual - but in that case, Kanji had already exhausted his limited range of conversation topics.
Maybe Senpai would head back soon. Swap out Chie, let Kanji have another shot. Might even leave Yukiko behind, if he felt up to playing main healer. Definitely wouldn't bench Naoto, though. He'd tried yesterday, and been met with steadfast refusal. Naoto hadn't raised her voice, hadn't even changed her expression, but the rigid set of her shoulders had said enough. After the Phantom Lord incident - and the stuff he'd heard from Rise about entire groups of Shadows going down under Hama and Mudoon - Kanji wasn't worried about her anymore, or at least he was trying not to be. But all the fancy powers in the world didn't stop a person getting tired. Souji ought to know that - and he should've pulled rank.
Kanji didn't like thinking about the reasons he hadn't.
Something nudged him in the side. He looked up to see Yosuke standing beside him, one foot close to his ribs. "Keep frowning and your face'll stick like that."
"Go get bent. Y'sound like my mother."
"Don't blame you, though. This whole thing is pissing me off."
"Nothin' we can do."
"Maybe not. I dunno. I tried to get Souji to go to Souzai Daigaku last night, thought maybe I could talk him into swapping us back in." Yosuke sat down on the floor opposite and rested his elbows on his knees. "He stayed at the food court talking with Naoto instead."
"Figures. They're hanging out everywhere else," Kanji muttered - and it wasn't even true, they weren't together _all_ the time, but it felt damn close. They'd been huddled together talking whenever the team left Junes.
"Huh?"
"Naoto an' Souji-senpai. Getting together after we leave."
"Talking tactics, I guess," Yosuke said with a shrug. "Anyway, he hangs out with all of us."
"This ain't the same thing. Senpai's not just- - not with her." Kanji leaned back on his hands and didn't bother to hide his scowl. "Not just tactics."
At that, Yosuke gave him a very strange look. A _'what the hell else would Naoto ever talk about'_ kind of look.
Moments later, his eyebrows arched so high they risked flying off his face. "Whoa, whoa! You mean - you think Naoto and Souji- -"
"Pipe down!" Kanji hissed, glancing at Teddie - who was currently polishing his gold buttons and probably paying no attention whatsoever, but why risk it?
"Kanji, you're insane." Yosuke raised a palm. "I know, I know - Souji's got so many girls clinging to his ankles, he wades through them just to get to school - but Naoto?" He grimaced, as if the concept itself was offensive. "_Not_ one of them."
Kanji frowned. Wasn't _that_ weird an idea. Naoto was awesome - except maybe when she was being an Olympic-level jackass, and even that was negotiable. Souji was totally clued-in on everything, so why wouldn't he think that too?
"You sure 'bout that?" he asked Yosuke, brow furrowed.
"Trust me, I know Souji," Yosuke said, firm and confident. "And our resident pint-size detective wouldn't know a crush if it whacked her in the head."
Damn right she didn't. Maybe Yosuke was right. Didn't bode well for Kanji, but at least it put Souji out the picture too. No way did Kanji ever want to fight with his Senpai, no matter what the reason - and not when he'd be losing right from the start.
* * *
By the time they walked through the doors of the Junes lobby and into the street, night had already fallen. According to Kanji's cellphone, it was almost half-nine; they'd barely made it out before closing. If Chie hadn't stood up to Souji, they'd have been stuck in the store past midnight.
Rise had sensed something bad on the seventh level up, a powerful Shadow that even Souji had thought twice about approaching. He'd brought the team back to the main lot first, asked Yosuke for money to pay the fox - and watched a lightning-fast Chie snatch the notes out of his hand. She'd been livid. Told him they needed to rest, no way could they keep up this pace., and basically said everything Kanji had been thinking save the whole forever-benched pity parade. Yukiko had quickly turned just as insistent, if a little quieter about it.
Kanji's silence had taken a superhuman level of effort, but the alternative, and the accompanying risk that he'd have said a lot more than he'd intended, would've been far worse. But standing outside the main doors of Junes, looking over at the team - taking in Chie's grazed shins, Yukiko's slumped shoulders, the jagged and slightly bloodied tear in Souji's school shirt - he wished he'd spoken up first.
Yosuke leaned against the lobby's glass wall, shivering and rubbing his shoulders. "Man, I swear it wasn't this cold last November."
"You're such a wimp, Hanamura," Chie said as she poked him in the arm - then noticed Yukiko shiver too. "...But maybe we should get home quick all the same."
"No problem with that. Ted and I'll go with you, Souji."
"...Sure."
"I'm going with Chie," Yukiko said, shrugging on her friend's green track jacket. Kanji felt like an ass for not offering his leather one.
"Yeah, you can stay at my place," Chie said. "My parents won't mind and Ichigo'll love to see you."
Yosuke scrunched up his nose. "Translation - that dumb dog can't wait to get slobber all over you."
"Ichigo _is_ pretty dumb." Chie tilted her head with a mock-thoughtful expression. "Still smarter than you, though."
"Good night, everyone," Yukiko cut in before Yosuke could respond, and quickly slipped her arm through Chie's. "See you tomorrow."
Chie nodded casually, already turning to leave. "Yeah. Bye, guys." Kanji couldn't help noticing she didn't look at Souji.
He also noticed Souji didn't seem to care. Senpai had been looking at whoever spoke, following the conversation with his eyes, but his gaze had been too distant. Like he'd been pretending to listen and hoping it would stick. He hadn't even been talking to Naoto.
"Okay, I'm seriously about to freeze. Let's get - -" Yosuke stopped and leaned around Kanji's shoulder. "Hey, Naoto-kun!"
Kanji turned, wondering why Yosuke had bothered to raise his voice, then realized Naoto had already made it four streetlamps down the road. Exhausted as he felt, he was still surprised he hadn't seen her leave - hell, he usually caught everything she did, whether he wanted to or not - and even more so that she stopped to look back.
Yosuke shot him a pointed glance and started walking toward her. After a moment's hesitation, Kanji followed.
Naoto raised her head, the brim of her cap casting slight shadows across her face. "Is something wrong?"
"Dude, don't rush off. Kanji'll walk you and Rise home." Yosuke elbowed him in the ribs. It didn't hurt. "Right, big guy?"
"I do not require 'walking home'," she said, before Yosuke had even finished speaking.
"Walking _with_," Kanji corrected. "And none of us are going back alone. You're just being stubborn."
Naoto responded with a dull glare. He glared back.
"Wow, look at the time!" Yosuke said, without looking at his watch. "Better get going with Souji, later!" Busy glowering, Kanji didn't register his hasty exit.
Naoto could've just said no. Instead she was making a big deal out of nothing and frustrating him more in the process. She'd looked away by now, eyes fixed on the bright neon 'Junes' sign above the store doors, and as she folded her arms tightly across her chest he noticed a long tear in the right sleeve of her jacket. Must've happened inside the television, same as Souji's shirt. His first impulse was to ask if she wanted him to fix it.
"We should head out too," he said instead.
"That would be pointless. I am in possession of a firearm." She still refused to look at him. "However, Rise-chan will require an escort. I trust you will accompany her to the shopping district."
And that was fine, Kanji told himself, he'd let Naoto do whatever the hell she wanted - because in the end she always would, because this had been Hanamura's dumb idea anyway, and above all else, because he was too tired to care.
He'd always been good at telling himself stuff. Never did as well believing it.
"Stop talkin' like that," he muttered.
Naoto's gaze finally snapped back to meet his, her eyes instantly narrowing. "What?"
"You know. Why're you being like this?"
"I have no idea what you mean." Her voice was perfectly, irritatingly level.
"Don't act dumb, alright? You've been- -" _Completely different, and I don't get why._
She'd only met Nanako a couple of weeks ago. Chie and the other senpai had known the kid for months, had been friends with Souji since his first day at Yasogami. Their tempers were clearly frazzled, but they weren't shoving each other away.
They also weren't Naoto. And Kanji had done the same thing for years; he knew better than anyone how hard it was to stop.
He grit his teeth. "Things are bad right now. Last thing everyone needs is you playing the tough guy."
Naoto's fingers tensed against the fabric of her sleeve, so briefly he almost didn't catch it. She unfolded her arms a moment later, one hand moving back to her hip. "I am not playing at anything," she said, cool and smooth. "This is no time for baseless accusations. Goodnight." She turned before he could respond and stalked away through the pools of lamplight.
It said something, Kanji would later realize, that he never considered following her.
* * *
Inaba's roads were virtually deserted at night. No cars, just the wind and the rustling of the trees. It would've been eerie, if Kanji hadn't recently been heading home this late every night - and if he hadn't been with Rise, who'd started jabbering the moment they left Junes. Mostly gossip from school, about people he either didn't know or didn't care about. He'd been too distracted to listen anyway, too caught up in what had happened to Nanako, what was happening with Naoto, and what might happen to the team if Souji kept on pushing.
Maybe Rise was too. Kanji usually got a scolding whenever she caught him not paying attention, but right now, she didn't seem to care. They'd made it as far as the train station when the Kujikawa verbal express finally ground to a halt. "...Anyway, that's why I think Higashi-chan keeps hanging around outside the library. Makes sense, doesn't it?"
"Uh. Yeah."
Rise hummed, satisfied. "Right. And you're sweet for walking me back, Kanji-kun." She latched both of her arms firmly around his left one. "My big, strong bodyguard!"
Kanji sighed and kept walking, though at a slightly slower pace. "Guess so. Was Naoto's idea."
"Ooh, a bodyguard _and_ a detective looking out for me. I couldn't be safer. If Risette ever does another tour, you're both coming with, okay?"
"Don't forget Souji-senpai. He'll be your new agent or something."
Suddenly quiet, Rise loosened her grip and pulled slightly away. Kanji angled his head, trying to get a better look at her face. "Hey, whassup?"
"He's not doing well, Kanji-kun. I can't figure out how to help." She let out a long, slow breath, one hand fussing with the collar of her puffy winter coat. "And even if I could, he'd never take me seriously."
"C'mon. Senpai don't brush anyone off, you know that."
At that, Rise lifted her head - and Kanji shrank a little at the weary, doubting look in her eyes. "He's going through a lot right now," she said quietly.
The words were true enough. The problem was how she'd said them. For some reason, Kanji thought back to what Rise had done at the pageant - not just the pranks she'd pulled on him, Naoto and Yosuke, but earlier, when she'd been stuck trying to dress him up as that Mary chick. When he wasn't the one she should've been helping.
Remembering that, the pranks made a little more sense.
"Maybe you could just try talkin' with him," he tried. "Properly, I mean. During lunch or something."
"He hasn't been around then." She paused. "I did see him yesterday, by the shoe lockers, but Yukiko-senpai was with him."
Which wasn't surprising. Kanji wondered, briefly, whether he should keep well out of this.
...Screw it. Rise had tried to help him, hadn't she? Done her best to bring him and Naoto closer, even if it'd been more a full body shove than a gentle push. "Follow him when he leaves class. Then you'll know where he goes." Best solution Kanji had found, and it'd worked with Naoto. For a bit, anyway.
"True, but I'd prefer to stay out of crazy stalker territory," Rise said - which was totally her opinion, he decided, and no way did it apply to him. She shook her head with a humorless chuckle. "Like I said, Kanji-kun, you're sweet - but I can't believe _you're_ trying to give me advice on my love-life!"
Frankly, neither could he. Even Teddie seemed to have a better handle on this stuff, or at least hadn't pulled the stoic admirer crap for half a year.
But Rise had been into Souji from the start too. Maybe even first sight. If she gave up now, then why was Kanji even- -
He frowned. "...Do you?"
The question surprised them both. Rise blinked up at him. "Do I what?"
"Y'know." Kanji hesitated. "Love him."
"I-I didn't say that." She swung away and burrowed deeper into her coat. "Why are you asking?"
Kanji didn't have an answer. It'd just seemed like something he needed to ask, something that'd maybe make Rise try a little harder - and that might make him feel less alone. He shrugged, staring at the road ahead. "Dunno. Sorry."
* * *
**November 14th, 2011**
"I don't _get_ this," Yosuke said, voice low and tight, as he hung up his Junes apron with his fists clenched around the fabric. Kanji waited for him to ball it up and hurl it at the nearest customer. "He's been dragging us up through the castle every day for a week, and today he blows us off to go play basketball?"
Faced with Souji's astonishingly screwed-up priorities, there was no real answer. Kanji grimaced and told himself there was a reason Senpai hadn't shown, there always was - just like there was a reason he hadn't bothered to let the rest of the team know before they'd all rolled up at Junes.
One text message. Not much to ask. Would've saved them the trip to the food court. Yosuke had been here already, serving up overpriced drinks and overcooked steak to the few customers still willing to sit outside in November, and he'd been the one Souji had finally texted explaining his urgent need to dribble basketballs. After that, the others had quickly dispersed, some more happily than others. Chie had seemed relieved; she'd even been joking with Yukiko as they'd left. Yukiko had replied with a tight sort of smile that hadn't looked much like one at all. Naoto had looked blank.
Kanji, pissed-off and feeling guilty for it, hadn't yet bothered to leave. He'd stayed at the table instead, fiddled around with his phone, seen a suited-up Teddie entertain a small swarm of kids - and now, he was watching Yosuke close down the snack stand for the evening.
As he locked the door of the drinks cabinet, Yosuke kept ranting. "And you know what? He said it'd help. Like we'll all be slam dunking shadows on our next trip."
Kanji shrugged. "Souji-senpai's probably stressed."
_"Souji-senpai's_ probably an asshole."
"You don't mean that."
"He's done crap like this before. Like when we went after Naoto, remember?" Yosuke shook his head. "But this is Nanako. We can't let her or her dad down, Souji _knows_ that."
Kanji remembered the mess surrounding Naoto's rescue only too well. It'd stirred up the worst of his bad traits. Recklessness, impatience, and most of all white-hot fury - most of it directed at Naoto herself, but some of it aimed squarely at Souji. It'd been fine in the end, though, because they'd gotten her out - even if it had taken way longer than he'd wanted. Even if, two months on, he still felt angry at Senpai without understanding why.
"We got Naoto. We'll get Nanako too," he said, and tried to convince himself it was for Yosuke's benefit.
Yosuke walked out from the stand, arms folded, and leaned back against the counter. "Yeah." A long pause - and he looked Kanji straight in the eyes. "If we go in again. Like before."
Maybe he was just way too tired, not paying enough attention, whatever - but it took Kanji a few seconds to realize what 'before' meant.
He shot up from his seat. "No frigging way," he snapped, and walked back to the store entrance in a few long strides.
Somehow, Yosuke got there first. He slipped in front of Kanji and tried to block the store's sliding doors, apparently forgetting there were four of them. "No, hear me out. We'll go in there and get Nanako - you, me, the others. Screw Souji."
Going inside the television without Souji had been one of Kanji's stupidest ideas on record. Didn't matter how angry he'd been. Almost got them all killed - something Yosuke knew full well, so why was he even suggesting it? "_No._ Didn't work last time. Won't work now."
Yosuke lurched forward, shoulders squared. "Don't give me that! I went in there with you and Rise, got my ass kicked and got bitched out by Souji for a whole week, all because you had a crush on some _guy_ crazy enough to deliberately get thrown in there - and the one time I want help, you chicken out?" His lips curled into a sneer. "Some friend you are."
Until recently, Kanji hadn't known it was possible to happily have a guy's back in any battle and simultaneously want to punch his lights out. Whatever him and Yosuke had going, friendship wasn't the word.
But hell, if it was good enough for Hanamura, he could roll with it. "Yeah. A friend, you asshat. That's why I'm tellin' you not to pull this shit."
"You did," Yosuke spat.
"And I'm an idiot." Kanji grabbed him by the shoulder and tugged him through the sliding doors. "C'mon, we're walking."
* * *
"He's probably not even home yet."
"So you'll wait for him."
"Should I have dinner ready too?" Yosuke snapped back, then winced. "Damn, Kanji, you're making me sound like his wife."
Kanji snickered. "Don't need my help with _that_."
"Oh, bite me."
They walked on in silence, past the empty lots and dilapidated warehouses that were too common in this part of town. When Junes had first rolled in two years back, they'd made a big noise about 'urban renewal' and 'economic encouragement'. Hadn't panned out yet. The residential area across the river was pretty nice, though - and in the end, the people living there were what Junes really cared about.
...Wasn't really fair. Junes had brought some good stuff too - and like Ma had said, if it wasn't them, it'd only have been another chain. Kanji suspected a lot of the people bitching about Junes' bad effect on Inaba also shopped there; at least, when they weren't busy treating Hanamura like he ran the damn place. Yosuke was an ass for a dozen different reasons. Junes wasn't one of them. Glancing sideways at him, Kanji wondered if the guy regretted moving here. He wouldn't have a Persona and wouldn't have met Souji - but he also wouldn't be heading over to his best friend's house right to have it out with him.
When it came to arguments, Kanji's philosophy could be distilled into a single principle: direct confrontation. Ask the person what they were thinking and why - and, in a recent addendum, try not to yell while doing it. Hadn't quite worked with Naoto yet - but Souji-senpai, he'd be different. And even if he wasn't, tackling him head-on was still the best option they had - because whatever Yosuke wound up saying, no matter how harsh, would beat jumping in the television alone.
They were halfway across the bridge when Yosuke spoke. "Hold up, Tatsumi."
Kanji glanced over his shoulder. Yosuke had stopped at the crest of the bridge and turned to face the water. "...If you jump in, I ain't hauling you out."
"I'm not miserable enough to fling myself in a river! I just wanna stop for a while."
"Why?"
Yosuke's shoulders shifted in a stiff half-shrug. "I'm feeling kinda lame as is." He rolled his eyes. "Waiting around on Souji's doorstep would destroy the few shreds of coolness I've got left."
He was dragging his feet, but who knew how long Souji wanted to screw around polishing balls or whatever the hell he did at club practice? Kanji ambled back to the centre of the bridge. "Wouldn't worry 'bout it. Y'never been cool in your life."
"Hey, I live in hope."
Though it'd been sunny during the walk to Junes, the wind had picked up after nightfall. The surface of the Samegawa was difficult to make out in the dark, but in the faint light from the sparse streetlamps, Kanji could see it churning and rippling. Good thing they were up here and not on the bank. His mind cast back to the time he'd tried to fish a rabbit doll out the river for that Takeshi kid, and spent fifteen minutes wading up to his knees in murky cold water. Souji, always a decent guy, had kindly refrained from laughing his ass off.
Takeshi wasn't much older than Nanako. Either they knew each other or Inaba had its own little kid grapevine, because a few weeks ago, she'd related the tale of the big boy who wore skulls and made cute dolls to her Big Bro and then asked why Kanji-san had never brought any of them to Junes. On hearing this from Souji, Kanji had scowled, muttered something about loudmouthed brats - then started wondering what type of animals Nanako liked best. A doll would've made a good present, if he'd ever gotten around to it.
"We could get her," Yosuke said, suddenly. "I know we screwed up last time, but we're tougher now. And we're almost at the top of the castle."
"Not worth the risk. Gotta trust Souji-senpai."
Yosuke's first response was a dismissive snort. "C'mon, Kanji," he muttered. "At least try to sound like you mean that. And since when were you the voice of reason?"
"Since I tried growing the hell up." Kanji leaned forward and rested his weight on his arms, palms pressed flat against the top of the bridge wall. "And I ain't always, not even close - but Souji-senpai is. He knows what he's doing."
"He's not making sense. Nanako-chan's _stuck_ in there, and he doesn't- -" Yosuke stopped, tilted back his head and stared up at the night sky. "...I dunno what's up with him."
"He's in that house by himself, for starters."
"Dude, I can't tell if that even bothers him."
"What d'you mean?"
Yosuke started fiddling with his headphones, flipping the plastic band up and down against the back of his neck. "I've gone back there with him a couple of times lately, tried to - - I dunno, keep him company or something...but..."
Souji had spent months helping his friends work through their problems. It was pretty damning, Kanji thought, that none of them had managed to return the favour.
Yosuke's sigh was barely more than a breath. "Remember before, I told you I knew him? I don't. I don't think anyone does."
Reading people's feelings wasn't easy, but it seemed like Yosuke needed something here. A clap on the back, maybe - or hell, even a hug. Unfortunately, it wouldn't come from Kanji. Hanamura had seen the bathhouse, seen Kanji's Shadow, then lost it over the prospect of spending one night in the same tent - and four months on, probably still would.
Definitely no hugs.
"Uh," he began, racking his brains for a decent response. Helpfully, Yosuke had an epiphany.
"Holy crap, I sound like _such_ a girl. Like, Rise_-_level girliness!" He let out a low noise of frustration, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. "I swear, Kanji - if you tell anyone you caught me on a bridge mooning around over Souji, I'll shove you straight in the river."
Kanji snorted. "Like to see you try."
"Mark my words. Couple of dozen people and a forklift truck, and in Tatsumi-kun goes."
"Yeah, yeah. We still headin' to Souji-senpai's or what?"
"I am. You can go home." Yosuke's smile was painfully ironic. "Not like I'll get kidnapped, y'know?"
He seemed sincere, and sleep sounded way more appealing to Kanji than a night spent watching his senpai arguing. "You, uh, gonna be -"
"Yeah. No problem." Yosuke paused - and for the first time since they'd met, Kanji got the impression he was carefully choosing his words. "Don't take this the wrong way, but you should go talk to Naoto again. _Someone_ has to. She'd probably listen to you."
"Didn't last time."
"Maybe not. But it's either you or Souji, dude," he said, and though the same thought had hit Kanji multiple times, hearing it out loud was much worse. The next moment, Yosuke's expression shifted into a lopsided, slightly sarcastic grin. "I'd better head out. Gotta have husband's meal on the table when he gets home."
"Never figured you for the domestic sort."
"And I'm gonna take that as a compliment." He turned and started walking across the bridge, toward the low houses on the other side. "Later, Kanji."
"Later." Kanji huddled into his leather jacket and set out in the opposite direction, back to the shopping district.
Souji was harder to pin down than anyone he'd ever met. Naoto, complicated and aloof, still took a distant second place. If you saw somebody's Shadow, you at least got some idea of what made them tick, the stuff they were (or weren't) dealing with - and Kanji had been there for the Secret Base.
Trouble was, Senpai didn't _have_ a Shadow. Yosuke had once joked that their fearless leader was just too boring to have any real problems. Souji had grinned in response and said that maybe he _had_ bumped into his Shadow when they'd first entered the TV, and Hanamura had been too busy squealing at that poor little Hablerie Ball to notice.
They'd had each others' backs right from the start. If anyone could get through to Souji, it'd be Yosuke.
Kanji frowned. He'd met Naoto first, hadn't he?
Admittedly, he'd grabbed the wrong end of the stick and run with it - and she'd still lied to him same as everyone else - but that didn't change base facts. Yosuke was gonna confront Souji, and Naoto needed someone to do the same for her. Striding past Daidara's with a new resolve stirring in his mind, Kanji vowed to make this work. He'd make her realize she didn't need to push him away, convince her that the team were in this together, and deliver a whole bunch of other life-changing insights - all of which sounded incredibly stupid the moment he noticed a small, blue-capped figure walking briskly toward him.
Must've gone to see Rise. Lent her a textbook or something. No other reason Naoto'd be in the shopping district this time of night - which meant she definitely wasn't here to see anyone else or be bothered by them, and so Kanji and his many unprepared insights would have to sprint down the nearest alley and find another route home.
...No, screw that. He'd marched Yosuke halfway across town to have it out with Souji. Hypocrisy left a bad taste in his mouth.
Kanji kept on walking, shoulders angled forward - until he realized exactly why Naoto was moving so quickly.
"Hey, Miss Yasogami! Wait up!"
A small group was trailing behind her in the dark - four guys, maybe five - and unlike last time, Kanji recognized the voice. Sonoda and his gang of losers. They'd probably been hanging around outside Aiya again; Otsuka never had the guts to chase them off, even after (or maybe because) they'd kicked his shop door half off its hinges back in August.
Naoto kept her head down and quickened her pace, but the older boys were faster. Two of them jogged into her path, cutting her off - and by the time she turned right to dodge around them, Sonoda had flanked her. She instantly darted back, leaving her pinned against the toy store's shutters.
Kanji forced himself not to move.
"Saw your big win, Shirogane. Surprised you were even in the running," Sonoda sneered, one hand pressed against the shutters above her head. "Didn't they have trouble figuring out which contest t'stick you in?"
_Stay put, Tatsumi._ It was dark, nobody had noticed him, and Naoto could do this. She'd taken down dozens of Shadows single-handed; punks like Sonoda were nothing. No reason to over react, right?
Naoto didn't look up. "Sonoda-senpai, I am sure there are more productive activities you could pursue."
"Girl, guy...maybe they hadta check first?"
One of the cronies tried to grab her shoulder, but she instantly smacked his hand away. Lightning reflexes, just like she'd done with Kanji back in the summer. Right before she'd gotten herself kidnapped.
Naoto could handle herself. Naoto _wanted_ to handle herself.
Kanji suspected there was a big difference between the two.
"My previous offer stands," she said. "The police station could undoubtedly accommodate you and your associates."
"_My associates_?" Sonoda taunted in a falsetto. "Wow, all those big words! You must really think you're something special."
Spineless as always, the rest of the gang laughed and jeered on cue. Naoto, cap still tipped down, stayed quiet.
Kanji knew guys like Sonoda. Always the center of attention and always playing to their audience. The real trouble started when somebody refused to stick to the script. Sonoda leaned back, shrugged his shoulders - then took a sudden swipe at Naoto's head, knocking her cap to the ground.
Hadn't hit her. She'd barely even flinched. But it was enough.
"Don't you frigging ignore me, _Naoto-kun_. Or we'll make damn sure you- -"
"Y'want something, idiot?"
Kanji had cleared the distance between them in seconds. Sonoda met his glare, mouth still curled in a snarl which quickly shifted to a snide grin. He glanced back at Naoto. "Man, Kan-chan follows you round everywhere!"
"I ain't following nobody," Kanji growled. "Just sick of you pushin' people around."
"At school, in town...what is he, your pet dog?"
At that, Naoto finally lifted her head. "Shut up."
"Got a nice doggie there, Naoto-kun. Even more of a fag than you."
"I said, _shut__ up_!"
Wasn't the first time Kanji had been called that. Should've been fine with it, after his Shadow. But he_ wasn't_, not yet and maybe not ever - and definitely not from some scumbag who hid behind his loser friends, who hurt people who didn't deserve it, who just stood there laughing and sneering and- -
"Asshole!" Kanji lunged forward, snatched the collar of Sonoda's shirt, and shoved him back against the shutters. "I'm gonna smack you so damn hard, you'll be fishing your teeth outta the river!"
"Kanji!"
He'd known Naoto would stop him. Part of him wished he'd stopped himself. The larger, wilder part knew that the look on Sonoda's face - wide eyes, forehead beaded with sweat, no trace of that stupid fricking sneer - was worth more than anything.
...But it wasn't. Five against two were good odds, but he'd be proving the wrong people right and letting the right people down. With a sideways glance at Naoto, Kanji lowered his arm and stepped back.
"Talk it up, Kan-chan." The slight shake in Sonoda's voice was far too satisfying. "Should crawl back to your dumb cotton store, take the little twink with you."
Kanji grit his teeth. "Fuck you."
"You wish," Sonoda spat, still fumbling with his shirt. "Shit, this is boring."
A short, stocky boy stepped forward and gripped Sonoda's elbow. "S'right. C'mon, Jiro, we're wasting our time on these freaks."
"Yeah. We're done here." Sonoda grabbed the cap from the pavement and tossed it at Naoto. "Catch ya later, Shirogane."
Kanji kept his eyes on the gang until they finally walked out of view. When he turned to face Naoto, she was cleaning the last traces of dirt from her hat. "...You okay?"
"I'm fine." She quickly put the cap back on her head and tugged down the brim. "He had no right to speak as he did."
Sometimes, a lie was just easier. "Ain't like I care. Dumbass can think what he wants."
"No, he can't. It isn't _right_."
Though it'd been white-hot initially, Kanji's fury had already dulled. Sonoda was just a narrow-minded asshole. "C'mon. Don't let him get to you."
"It's not him, it's - I should've- -" Naoto stopped, ran her hand over her mouth - then rounded on Kanji. "_Why_ must you always involve yourself?"
"'Cause I- -" He barely caught himself in time. Mouth suddenly dry, he swallowed and tried again. "'C-cause you keep getting your dumb ass into trouble! You seriously think I'm gonna walk away?"
It came out rougher than he'd meant, and a small, stupid part of him wished he'd stuck with his first answer.
Naoto stared at him. "You should," she said quietly.
His stomach had plunged to somewhere near his kneecaps, but he still held her gaze. "Well, I ain't. Deal with it."
None of this was working out. Naoto seemed more pissed off at him than at Sonoda. And she was still fricking _staring_ - back stiff, chin tilted up, eyes locked onto his with a look he couldn't hope to place.
The silence was unbearable. The way she broke it was no better. "If you put half as much effort into the case…"
Of course. Only thing Naoto'd ever cared about. Everything still came back to the culprit and the obsession with catching him that had nearly gotten her killed, even though she'd been in Inaba for over six months now and still hadn't managed to - -
Kanji paused, eyes narrowed. "Why are you still blamin'-"
"None of you have any idea what you're doing," Naoto said, gaze darting to one side. "I was a fool to imagine otherwise."
"Dammit, get over yourself!" The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them. "We've been doing our best and this _ain't_ our fault!"
If he'd stopped to think, had the chance to register her slight recoil, he would've added _and_ _it isn't yours either._
"You, you presume to- -" Naoto shook her head sharply, already turning away. "I can't do this. Not now."
Instinctively, Kanji grabbed her arm. "Naoto. Wait."
She flinched again, almost imperceptibly - staring first at the large fingers snapped around her forearm, then up at him.
He quickly released his grip and used the hand to rub the back of his neck instead. "You - you should get some sleep tonight. All'a us should."
Naoto opened her mouth, then hesitated. The tension tightening her face suddenly disappeared, but the hollow look that replaced it was worse. "Go home, Kanji-kun."
He swallowed hard, wishing he knew what to say. "We'll get her out," he blurted. "I promise."
Naoto didn't answer. She turned, not looking back, and began walking swiftly toward the gas station.
29. Chapter 23
_A/N: __Long__ chapter__ is __long.__ Apologies for the delay, real life intruding as always._
_Story __so__ far: __Everyone __was __a__ drama__ queen.__*_
_In __this__ part:__ Teddie__ goes__ bear-hunting, __the __team __conquer__ the __castle,__ and__ Kanji__ spends __a__ night __in __the __rain._
_(*__credit __to __DemonRaily,__ and __I __wish __I__'d thought of __it __for __the __last __chapter)_
* * *
**November 17****th****, 2011**
"I'm serious, Souji," Chie snapped. She shot him a fleeting sideways glare, but her attention stayed on Yukiko. "That was _way_ too close."
Kintoki-Douji finally flickered out of existence. Four Diarahans in a row must've snapped what energy he had left. Most of it had been spent hours ago, when Teddie had been scaling the castle's upper floors and Yukiko had been the one sitting idle outside the gates. Souji had come back for her later, of course - then almost gotten her killed, along with the rest of the team.
Kanji shook his head. Souji had done his best. And, pale face and frost-dusted sweater aside, Yukiko seemed fine now.
"C'mon, senpai," he said to her, reaching out his hand. With a faint smile, she latched on and let him pull her up.
Across the castle courtyard, Chie still hadn't quit. "We couldn't have crawled back here, we were so wrecked! What if you hadn't had any Goho-Ms?"
Souji mumbled something in response - and now Yukiko was joining in too, trying to intervene - but Kanji couldn't focus. He glanced over his shoulder. Naoto was sitting on the steps to the main entrance, fingers toying with the long tear in the left side of her school jacket. It ran down to the hem and the edges were stained rust red.
She'd been far better off than Yukiko - who Souji had basically carried back - but the slash she'd taken from a Dancer had been pretty bad. Leave your Persona running on empty and the hits got dangerous. If Souji hadn't warped the team out, she would've been in real trouble.
He walked over. "You, uh, doin' alright?"
Naoto looked up at him, then quickly away. She folded her arms over the torn fabric. "I am fine."
It was pretty sad, Kanji thought, that a three-word answer had doubled what she'd said to him since their run-in with Sonoda.
Souji's voice - rising and edged with frustration - cut through his thoughts. "It had _nothing_ to do with how strong we are," Senpai insisted, the heel of his hand pressed against his forehead. "I just…pushed a little too far." He sighed, dropping his arm back to his side. "I'm sorry."
Chie quirked an eyebrow at him. Glancing at Yosuke, Kanji saw his mouth curl into a small, relieved smile.
Souji turned to Rise. "You're still sensing something on the tenth floor?"
"Yeah. Something very strong," Rise said. Her visor and Himiko both dissolved into the air. "Feels a lot like a True Shadow."
"In that case, we're going back to the main lot."
"Agreed." Naoto quickly stood up and began walking toward him, noticeably favouring her left side. "We will purchase some restoration leaves and -"
"No. We're leaving. We'll try again tomorrow."
"Or the day after," Yosuke cut in, then cringed under Souji's sudden glare. "Look, partner, we're all beat. If Namatame's up on the next floor…"
Surprisingly, there was only a moment's hesitation. "Fair enough. Ted and the girls could use a break."
Chie gave a firm nod. Yukiko just looked away.
Naoto didn't say anything either - but Kanji had caught the flash of confusion in her eyes when Souji had first proposed leaving. He felt a little bewildered too; he'd been startled enough when Hanamura put the idea of a rest day forward, and he definitely hadn't expected Souji to agree. Whatever his two senpai had said to each other three nights ago had clearly changed _something_.
They filed back to the main lot, Rise taking the lead. Chie looked like she wanted to sling Yukiko over her shoulder and haul her out the television, but settled for quietly fussing over her instead. Kanji had resigned himself to just watching Naoto, and hoping she wouldn't catch him doing it. He needn't have worried; her gaze was fixed on Souji.
It wasn't until they were all lined up in front of the television stack, waiting to climb through the screen, that she finally pulled Senpai aside. They both moved to the edge of the lot, near one of the metal towers that held up the stage lights and out of hearing range. Kanji couldn't tell what they were discussing - only that every time he looked back, Naoto was the one speaking.
* * *
**November 18****th****, 2011**
"Dinner, fresh from Souzai Daigaku!" Yosuke pulled a Styrofoam container out of the bag, popped it open, and passed it to Souji. "Good prices, occasionally good food -"
"- and we'll spend so long chewing it, it'll last all week," Souji said, peering disdainfully at his blackened steak skewers.
Tired of waiting, Kanji had started rifling through the paper bag himself. Where the hell was his fried rice? "No way. If we don't finish it tonight, we're using the leftovers for ballistics."
"Ingrates," Yosuke muttered, with a roll of his eyes that turned into a wince when he opened his box of steak croquettes. "I was gonna call Aiya to deliver, but Souji's been living off that lately."
"I'm not a great cook," Souji said, a little sheepishly. "Never seem to have the right ingredients."
Senpai's new diet of greasy take-out probably didn't have much to do with his skills as a chef. Kanji glanced at him, then at the kotatsu, then shrugged. "You won that omelette cook-off."
Locked in battle with a mouthful of charred steak, Souji took a while to respond. "… I'm mediocre, not terrible," he eventually explained. "My parents tend to work late, so I learned to do the basics."
"Problem starts when you get creative. Like that cold potato soup thing you brought for lunch." Chopsticks aloft, Yosuke winced. "I haven't eaten mayonnaise since."
Souji's brow furrowed. "Ran out of milk. I was hoping it'd work."
Yosuke grinned, rolled his eyes again, and went back to his croquettes.
The silence felt more awkward than it should have. But they were sitting at the same table - and though Yosuke seemed weirdly nervous and everything Souji said sounded just a little forced, Kanji let it slide. His two senpai were at least trying to mend their bridges. More than he could say for him and Naoto.
…Shit, why was he dredging that up again? Kanji couldn't remember getting so hung up on anyone in his life; six months stuck on the same refrain.
He looked around the Dojimas' living room as he ate, trying to distract himself. Last time he'd eaten here had been at the watermelon party back in the summer. He'd turned half the kitchen upside down trying to find the damn salt until Nanako had finally taken pity on him and pulled it out from a dark corner cabinet. After that, she'd given him the grand tour: explained how she ordered the dishware, showed him where she'd found her half-eaten science project (with an apologetic note from Big Bro), and proudly pointed out her three crayon drawings of Detective Loveline, stuck with magnets to the front of the fridge.
The pictures were gone now, and so were the dolls and building bricks by the television stand. Kanji wasn't surprised.
"We should've gone in today," Souji suddenly said.
Yosuke glanced up mid-mouthful, quickly swallowed, then shook his head. "Nah. It's better that we take a break before - you know."
"Yosuke, she's been in there two weeks."
"An' tomorrow's the end," Kanji said. "Looking forward to takin' out Namatame, that son of a bitch."
Souji shot him a warning look. "Careful, Kanji. We need to bring them _both_ back safely."
Letting loser punks like Sonoda turn and run was one thing. Holding back on a kidnapping, murdering bastard was another completely - and who'd miss Namatame anyway? But Souji was still staring, waiting for an answer, so Kanji gave a halfhearted nod. "Gonna be like with Kubo. Kick his ass, haul him back out."
"Good. He'll face justice." Senpai was saying the right stuff. He just didn't sound all that convinced.
Opposite him, Yosuke had abandoned the croquettes in favour of poking holes in the foam container with his chopsticks. He glanced over his shoulder. "You okay there, Ted?"
Teddie was sitting cross-legged on the sofa and staring at the floor. For once, he hadn't been interested in dinner. Kanji wasn't sure whether the bear really needed to eat; maybe he'd just been mimicking everyone else.
"I was thinking," he said. "It's hard for humans to be inside the television. Nana-chan deserves something special when she gets back."
"She wanted a new kotatsu," said Souji. "This one doesn't heat up properly."
Yosuke shrugged. "No problem. We've got tons in stock at Junes and I get a store peon discount."
"Okay." Souji glanced at Kanji, mouth curved in a slight smile. "She might like a doll, too."
"Yeah, we sell those," Yosuke said, with a reproving glare at Teddie. "_Somebody_ keeps moving all the Risette ones to the front of the main display. You know those aren't really for kids, right?"
Teddie's forehead creased in confusion. "But _everyone_ likes Rise-chan! Nana-chan does too, we should get a Risette for her."
"Whatever, Ted. We'll get the nice, non-creepy kotatsu instead."
"We'll pick it up on Sunday," Souji said, then quietly added, "Depending on how things go."
"Cool. Hey - I, uh, brought a few DVDs. Two of them are Satonaka's dumb kung-fu stuff, but they're kinda fun."
Souji blinked at him. "She actually let you borrow them? After 'Trial of the Dragon'?"
"Hey, you know how it is, partner." Yosuke waggled his eyebrows. "Ladies can't say no."
"Never thought I'd hear you call Chie a lady."
The grin Yosuke had been sporting vanished. "Dude, _you're_ the one who keeps nagging me to be nicer to her!" He gestured toward his backpack, dumped by the kitchen table. "You wanna watch one?"
Souji fidgeted against the floor, expression now carefully blank. "Not tonight," he mumbled. "There's a lot to plan."
Yosuke looked crestfallen, but didn't push it. He diverted the conversation instead. Something about weird mystery gifts recently appearing in Souji's locker, and how he seriously needed to exploit his popularity. The rest of the evening continued in the same vein: Kanji tuning in and out as Yosuke flitted over inoffensive topics, Souji forcing tight smiles, and Ted staring out the window until the sky grew dark.
* * *
Kanji arrived back at the shop at around seven, helped his mother close up for the night - then pulled out a spare display stand and went to work.
Souji's comment about the doll hadn't been lost on him. It'd also reminded him of something else Senpai had suggested a few weeks back, in such an off-the-cuff manner that Kanji had initially ignored it, but which right now sounded like a great distraction. Something that'd keep him from worrying about tomorrow and stewing over Naoto - mostly because he'd be worrying over what everyone else would think instead.
But hell, it was time to man up. No turning back, Kanji vowed, as he grabbed a tennis-player tiger and added it to the stand.
If Takeshi and his mom had liked the dolls, perhaps other people would too - and it wasn't like anybody had to know who'd made them, right? Even if he only sold a couple, it'd offset the cost of his materials. And on the off chance they turned out to be popular, he could start taking more custom requests, get an order system going and - -
The shop bell rang behind him.
Startled, he dropped the pink rhinoceros in his hand, pivoted - and saw Teddie waving at him from the doorway, a cheerful smile on his face. "Hey, Kanji-chan!"
…Oh, _crap_.
Arms spread, Kanji lurched back and tried to hide the display. "Dammit, why're you here? Shop's closed!"
"Door's unlocked," said Teddie. "And I want to buy something."
"Y-you already got a scarf outta Ma!" Damn bear was wearing it now, and it was still yellow and now it clashed with his bright blue duffel coat too and why wouldn't he just fricking leave? "The hell else d'you need?"
"One of the dolls you made, Kanji-chan. You're standing in front of them," Ted added helpfully.
Kanji briefly debated flying into a full-on rage, but vetoed it in favour of lowering his arms, taking a deep breath, and trying to limit the damage. "H-how'd you know I- -"
"Tatsumi-san told me last time I visited. She said you like to make hats and scarves and dolls and that you're a bear-y good boy even if you do keep sticking metal in your face."
"Ted," Kanji began, very carefully. "You_ cannot_ tell anyone else 'bout this, got it? Or I swear, I will stuff you face-first in your bear suit and glue the zipper shut."
Teddie's frown landed somewhere between confusion and disappointment. "Why?"
"Because!" Souji knew, Naoto knew, and that was already two people more than Kanji had ever intended.
"But you've put them in the shop." Ted stepped forward, leaning around him and peering at the dolls perched on the display. "People are gonna see."
"So? Nobody has to know I made 'em!" Kanji would have to make doubly sure Ma understood that part. "An' it - it was Souji-senpai's idea anyway."
Teddie gave a satisfied nod. "Sensei has all the good ideas! Like what presents we should get for Nana-chan." He paused, fiddling with the drawstrings on his coat. "Which is why Teddie's here."
Realization dawned on Kanji. For perhaps the first time ever, Ted had a legitimate reason to be bugging him. "That's why you want one of the dolls?"
"Sensei's been busy lately," Teddie said, intently studying a purple stuffed giraffe. "He won't have time to pick out the best one."
Kanji had planned to choose the doll himself - but if he needed something to distract him, Ted probably did too. "…Fine," he said, stepping aside. "Have at it."
Teddie beamed at him, broad and uncomplicated, then turned back to the display.
He spent less time deciding than Kanji had expected. Ten minutes later - most of which Kanji spent sweeping the shop floor and desperately hoping that none of this would ever make it back to Yosuke - Teddie wandered over, a brown toy bear clutched in his hand.
Puppies, Kanji had figured. Maybe pandas. Souji had even mentioned something about a platypus, though that'd have to be a custom job. But a bear? He frowned, first at the doll, then at Ted. "Nanako likes bears?"
Teddie gave a small shrug. "She likes me."
Kanji looked at the stuffed bear again. He'd made it back in the spring, right after Souji and the senpai had pulled him out of the television. Kept it simple. No outfit, no accessories, just brown fur and button eyes.
"I, uh, could make her one a'you," he offered, staring resolutely at the broom in his hands and hoping his face wasn't as red as it felt. "In your suit."
"That's lovely, but why would you make a stuffed toy broom?"
Kanji's head snapped up. "No, dumbass! Of _you_!"
"Ohhhhh." Teddie paused again, brow furrowed in thought. "Later, maybe. Nana-chan will be back before you can finish it."
"…Yeah. 'Course."
"And a mini-Teddie could never be rushed." He held the bear aloft, one of its arms in each of his hands. "All the dashing good looks and enchanting charm that broke a thousand hearts, squeezed into one of these! It'll take you months."
Kanji didn't mention that he'd already started a few prototype Persona dolls, and that if he could wrangle Izanagi into knitted form then a suited Teddie would be a breeze. Instead, he leant the broom against the wall then snatched the bear from Ted's raised hands. "This is going in a bag and stayin' there till you give it to Nanako, alright?"
Teddie nodded absently as he rifled through his coat pockets. From the left, he pulled out a clutch of crumpled notes, and from the right, a handful of coins. "Here," he said, holding them out.
"Whassat for?"
"To pay for the doll."
"Dammit, Ted, I ain't takin' your money," Kanji growled. "Just - keep quiet 'bout all this, okay?"
For a moment, Teddie simply blinked at him. Then he shrugged again, put the notes and coins back in his pockets, and smiled. "If you want, Kanji-chan."
Kanji responded with a halfhearted scowl. The toy bear was going in the plainest bag he could find. Hell, he'd tape the top shut for good measure - and, in the future, remember to lock the fricking shop door.
* * *
**November**** 19th,**** 2011**
Getting back to the ninth level of the castle was simple. Kanji wasn't sure how, but, as usual, Souji could control where the entrance portal would let out, or at least at which floor. Only worked on levels they'd already fought through - _why __can't __anything __be __easy_, Senpai had once complained - but it was better than nothing. Especially when the TV world had a nasty habit of moving all the furniture around every time the team left.
However, that usually didn't involve getting rid of all the Shadows.
The twisted branch that stretched up to the tenth level was a long walk from where they'd warped in, yet they hadn't encountered a single Shadow. Like they'd all just up and vanished. Kanji was convinced that they'd come from Namatame rather than Nanako - so did that mean something had happened to him?
"I don't get this," Chie muttered, peering up through the gap between the ninth and tenth floors. "Where are all the Shadows? This place was crawling with them last time we were here!"
Rise stood at the back of the group, eyes covered by her Persona's visor. "Himiko can sense them…but on the next floor. Whatever's up there is acting like a magnet."
"Then we need to move quickly," said Souji. "Chie, Yukiko, Teddie, I want you up front."
For a split-second, Naoto looked utterly bewildered. "Senpai- -"
Souji cut her off with a sharp shake of his head. "You aren't equipped for this fight. We've never encountered a True Shadow vulnerable to light or dark and Sukuna-Hikona's other attacks weaken you too much."
"But I need to- -"
"Naoto-kun, we talked about this. The decision's been made."
"...Very well." Hands clasped behind her back, Naoto stood down and stiffly stepped away.
"What about the rest of us?" Yosuke asked, a little too hopefully.
"I'll need two strong healers, and Chie's our best front-line fighter," Souji said, glancing at him and Kanji in turn. "I'm sorry."
"…No worries." Yosuke tried to smile, but it quickly faltered. "We'll have your back, partner."
They scaled the branch to the tenth floor one-by-one, Souji taking point and Teddie (who had enough trouble negotiating stairs in his bear suit) clinging to his waist. Chie and Yukiko went next, then Naoto, then Rise and Yosuke - with a stern warning from the former that the latter had better be good at climbing with his eyes closed. By the time Kanji made it to the top, Souji was standing in front of a huge set of double doors, each carved of dark granite and decorated with a golden lion's head.
He leaned forward and pressed one ear against the smooth surface. "Definitely something behind there. Sounds like a lot of voices all talking at once."
"Can you hear Namatame?" Yosuke asked. "Or Nanako-chan?"
Souji shook his head. "Rise, you're sure they're both here?"
"Positive, Senpai."
"Right. Let's go."
The doors were as heavy as they looked. Kanji and Chie each shoved one halfway open and the rest of the team spilled through the gap - directly on to a narrow wooden bridge. On the other side was an island, bathed in brilliant sunlight and somehow floating in the air. Beautiful as the castle entrance had been, 'Heaven' had still seemed a weird name for a place crawling with Shadows - but now, Kanji understood. The Shadows had been Namatame's, same as the nine floors of twisting passages that led here. This place was Nanako's.
…But what the hell was with all the whispering? Dozens of overlapping voices that Kanji could barely tell apart, much less recognize. He couldn't even make out any words. Were people watching them on the Midnight Channel again?
"There, on that island." Rise pointed across the bridge. "That's where the Shadows are gathering. An think Nanako-chan might be there."
Yukiko hesitated, glancing first at Chie, then at Souji. "Um, maybe we should go slowly. We don't know what to- -"
Souji took off running.
As the team followed him haphazardly across the bridge, the sun only seemed to get brighter, its rays reflecting off the white stone statues circling the floating island's rim. Yukiko was right - they ought to be careful, something felt _wrong_ - but Souji just kept going, barreling up the steps on the other side and leaving Kanji no choice but to follow.
Halfway up, Senpai jerked to a halt. Kanji almost slammed into him - then looked over his shoulder. At the top of the steps, dwarfed by the statues, stood a man dressed in the same green uniform and cap as the deliverymen Kanji regularly saw at the textiles shop. Had to be Namatame. And he was holding Nanako.
"B-Big Bro!" Nanako cried, squirming in Namatame's grip.
He twisted sideways, tugging her with him as if to shield her. "No! You mustn't leave!"
"Namatame." Souji's voice was stretched far too taut. "Let her go."
Namatame's eyes widened with surprise. His grip on Nanako relaxed a fraction.
"We know who you are and what you've done," Yukiko said. "Let go of Nanako-chan!"
He stared at her, face flickering with recognition. "I remember you. The girl in the kimono. You were smiling. You - you were supposed to be safe in here." His blank gaze traveled over Kanji and Rise in turn. "You all were."
Naoto climbed a step higher, passing Souji. "Nothing about this world is safe. Release the child and we can all leave."
Namatame blinked at Naoto, then down at Nanako, like he'd forgotten he was holding her. "No…you don't understand, I have to save her too."
That same 'save' crap as before…and none of it mattered. The scumbag had hold of Nanako, he was hurting her, and they were all just standing and watching while he- -
"Quit talkin' shit and let the girl go!" Kanji roared, launching himself forward.
He made it two steps up before noticing someone had grabbed hold of his jacket. It was another step further before Namatame reacted - jerking back, face twisted with fear, both arms tightening around Nanako. "D-don't come near me!"
…Dammit. Freak the guy out, he might hurt Nanako worse. She'd started coughing, smacking her small fists against the forearm pressed against her neck. Kanji stopped dead - then realized someone was still tugging on the back of his jacket. Someone who he'd just pulled up three steps.
Glancing over his shoulder, he barely caught sight of Naoto behind him. "What're you- -"
"Calm down!" she hissed. "We have no idea what we're dealing with!"
"But he's gonna hurt her!"
"If you startle him again, almost certainly. It would be reckless to take any action without discerning his intentions. We have to keep him talking."
Shit, how was Naoto so calm? She'd fought almost every step of the way up here, even gotten pissed over not being on the final team - and now she wanted to _talk_ to this asshole?
With three steps between them, Naoto and Souji were on the same eye level. He looked at her, jaw tensed. "…Are you sure about that?"
Naoto gave him a firm nod, then stepped out from behind Kanji to face Namatame. "Why are you doing this?
Namatame didn't answer at first; just stared into space, eyes glazed and hollow. "On rainy nights, on the television…they signal me…to save them." he finally answered. "That's why I put them in. That's why I brought this child in."
"Big Bro, h-help me!"
"Dammit, just let her go!" Souji yelled.
He wasn't supposed to snap like that; he wasn't that kind of guy. The most emotion Kanji had seen him show was right after their failed attempt at rescuing Naoto, and even then he hadn't sounded so desperate, hadn't had his voice crack halfway through. Now he was staring up at Nanako, one foot on the next step up but his body twisted away - like half of him wanted to move and the rest didn't.
"Senpai, we need to pull his attention _away_ from Nanako-chan!" Naoto hadn't taken her eyes off Namatame, and if Souji had planned to answer, she didn't give him time. "Namatame-san. How does putting people in this place constitute saving them?"
Namatame was still staring away, gaze fixed on the top step of the wide staircase. "It was supposed to be a safe place - b-but it _isn't_. They're everywhere, I - you can hear them, can't you?" He shivered. "I - I didn't know…I just wanted to save you."
Rise was still at the back of the group, but the girl always knew how to make herself heard. "Did _I _ever ask you to save me?"
More importantly, how did throwing someone in here help them? "And you didn't save us, dammit!" Kanji snarled. "It was the exact opposite!"
"But…if I hadn't put you in the TV - how would you have ended up?"
A hell of a lot better, Kanji thought. Wouldn't have woken up in some weird-ass bathhouse, wouldn't have needed rescuing, would never have met his flaming creeper of a Shadow and had to listen to it whine over- -
He paused.
Facing his Shadow had been one of the most difficult and painful experiences in his life. But what would've happened if he hadn't?
Rise must've hit the same conclusion. "…You mean, we wouldn't have been able to face ourselves? But - but we nearly died!"
Namatame stared at her, expression suddenly pained. "Exactly. And you didn't - because of me."
Behind Kanji, Souji drew a deep breath. "We're getting nowhere, Naoto-kun."
Naoto twitched her head to the right, as if to glance back at him, but her gaze stayed fixed on Namatame. "I have one more question. What is your connection to the Midnight Channel? Are you controlling it?"
He shook his head fiercely. "No! How could I? I-I don't know how it works! Innocents appear, tell me to help them. Save them."
"How does murdering people _save_ them?" Souji barked. "What kind of savior tries only to kill?
"Murder…? No, no, I'm helping them!"
"_We've_ helped people. You've done nothing but harm!"
Doubt flared in Namatame's eyes but shifted immediately into anger, impossible shadows flickering over his face. "Shut up!" he snarled, his entire being focused on Souji. "I _know_ you. I know what you are!"
"What are you - -"
"All the people_ I_ saved…you're using them. Fooling them," Namatame spat. "This girl included! But you won't hurt her anymore - because I'm gonna save her!"
Couldn't talk to the guy. Why had they even bothered trying? All they'd done was waste time listening to him babble and talk shit about Senpai - and despite his best attempts to control it, Kanji's temper finally snapped. "You asshole! You're not gonna get away with this!"
Naoto grabbed his arm. "Hold on - we have to - -"
Kanji broke from her grip without effort and strode up another two steps. "What we have t'do is kick his ass!"
"Kanji-kun, we need to find out what he knows!"
"Enough!" Souji snapped, with a vicious swipe of his arm. "I've had it with this - -"
_"Shut__ the __hell __up!"_
At the sound of Namatame's voice - now almost a scream - Kanji pivoted back to face him. Dark fog curled around his body, his face and yellow eyes now fully cast in the same strange shadows.
_"What__ a __wonderful __world__…__an__ unknown,__ unreachable __place, __filled__ with __fog."_ He laughed, a high-pitched, terrible sound that echoed through the air. _"It's__ filthy__ over__ there.__ So__ many__ evildoers__…__but_ I'm_ a __Saviour!__ A__ righteous__ hero!"_
Souji lunged forward. "No you _aren't_!"
Naoto made a grab for his jacket. "Senpai, wait!"
But Souji was already running, shoving past her and scaling the remaining steps two at a time. "Nanako!"
After that, everything seemed to happen at once.
Naoto immediately hurtled after Souji. Yosuke yelled at them both to stop. Chie slammed into his back as she barreled up the stairs, Yukiko and Teddie almost tripping over her in turn - and somewhere behind them, Rise was begging everyone to wait, this wasn't safe, they weren't even in formation and –
Teeth clenched, Kanji ran up to the dais in long, quick strides. He hauled his fist back, aiming for Namatame's head, but the arm Souji slammed against the bastard's throat proved far more effective. Namatame staggered backwards, hands moving to his neck - and Naoto, small and agile, darted in and caught Nanako as she fell.
Souji glanced between Namatame and his cousin, hesitated - then snatched her from Naoto's arms.
Kanji braced his shoulders. Rapid footsteps sounded behind him - Chie and Yosuke, probably, and in his peripheral vision he glimpsed Souji backing toward the stairs - but he didn't dare take his attention off Namatame.
He was breathing hard, fists clenching and unclenching. _"Give__…__her__…__back."_
"Go to hell," Souji spat.
_"No!__ I'm__ - __going__ - __to __save__ her!"_
The final word stretched into a long scream - and the sun vanished.
Kanji was left blinking as he adjusted to the sudden lack of light. The wind picked up, so suddenly it almost whipped his jacket off his back. Above him, the cloudless sky had turned a deep bruised purple - and at the far edge of the dais, flanked by two of the statues, Namatame's figure was outlined in glowing blue smoke.
Something was wrong. Kanji knew the drill; he'd not only stared his own Shadow in the face, he'd punched the guy out. Where was the other Namatame?
Halfway down the stairs, Rise had already evoked. _"Kanji-kun,__ Naoto-kun, move!"_
He leapt back just as the first bony spike exploded through Namatame's chest. Another burst out the man's back with a wet crunch, jerking him backward like a rag-doll, then two more through his shoulders - his whole skeleton cracking and reforming.
The wind buffeted Kanji as it tore across the dais. "The hell's happening to him?"
"He's merging with the Shadows!" Teddie yelled above the howling gale. "Sensei, we have to do something!"
No time. Rise had been right; Namatame was a magnet, ripping shapeless black masses out of the ether that fused to his skin. They slowly dragged him higher, his limbs dangling like a puppet's.
The screaming finally stopped. Bones creaking, a sound like wet cloth tearing - then nothing at all. Kanji's vision flashed a dizzying white.
It took him longer to recover this time - valuable seconds that felt like hours - and when his sight returned it was dotted with glittering lights. Squinting, he tipped back his head, wondering why the sky had turned blue again - then froze.
Behind him, Chie let out a whistle. "Okay, this one wins the prize."
Kanji was used to freaky True Shadows. Technicolor strippers, hat-wearing cyborgs, giant evil babies, he'd met (then clobbered) them all, but Namatame's was a new level of weird. Its body hung in the air, suspended from spiked concentric rings rotating around its massive head, spindly arms swaying at its side. Wings sprouted from its back, poking through its flowing white gown. Looked like a twisted version of one of Souji's Personas; Gabriel, Uriel, something like that. As if Namatame had tried to make his own version out of Shadows - and himself.
People confronted their Shadows. They didn't become them. What would happen when they beat this one?
…Like it mattered right now. Kanji cracked his knuckles. "Ain't nothing new. We're taking it down!"
"Chie, Yukiko, Teddie, I need you up." Souji stared down at his cousin as she lay limp in his arms. "And - I need someone to - -"
Yosuke crouched down in front of him and reached out for Nanako. "I've got her. Go!"
Souji eased her into Yosuke's arms, gave a quick nod toward the rest of the team - then stood up and fell into battle stance, Chie, Yukiko and Teddie mirroring the action.
They'd planned this. And Kanji had sat out a big chunk of Rise's Shadow fight, so this was nothing new.
…So why did he feel at such a loss?
He shook his head. Yosuke and Naoto had already retreated to where Rise was standing, in the middle of the stairway. Kanji quickly followed.
Cradling Nanako in one arm, Yosuke sat down on a step and pressed two fingers of his free hand against her neck. "She's breathing, and I can feel a pulse…but I don't know what else we can do for her."
Naoto glanced down at Nanako, expressionless, then looked away.
Kanji could hear air rushing behind him, at the top of the stairs; the sound of four Personas being evoked in unison. If he went up there, he'd get in the way. Senpai had always insisted he could only handle a four man team.
"…We've gotta stay here," Yosuke was saying, mostly to himself. "Look after Nanako and - -"
Lightning crashed down, the crackling roar of a Ziodyne. Kanji spun round. Teddie was flat on his back, arms and legs wriggling as he tried to right himself, but nobody was free to help. With Namatame so high off the ground, Chie's kicks were useless, forcing her to use Suzuka Gongen's taxing physicals instead and leaving Amaterasu casting out wave after wave of healing magic. Souji was busy flipping through Personas, tossing out every elemental he had.
None of it was working.
Kanji glanced sideways. Naoto was standing beside him, lips drawn in a pale thin line. "We need to help them."
Beneath Himiko's visor, Rise gave a slight shake of her head. _"You can't. Kanji-kun and Yosuke-senpai aren't strong enough."_
"_I_ am."
"_No, Naoto-kun, not for fights like this. Besides, if I have to track too many people then Himiko gets muddled."_
Rise was right on all fronts. Hama and Mudo never worked on True Shadows and Kanji and Yosuke would be tossed aside like empty soda cans. Naoto didn't respond, and hardly moved except for the slight twitch of her hand at her side. The thumb and forefinger were pinched together as if ready to throw a card.
Up on the dais, Yukiko was trying to heal Teddie, until a flurry of icicles drove her backwards to the edge of the top step. Chie ran over to haul him up instead, Souji and Cerberus covering her dash with a jet of flame, but she'd barely grabbed his hand when Namatame Garudyned them both. The gale almost threw her off the edge and slammed Ted into Souji like a bowling ball.
Too many of the team were down. Namatame took the opening. He started spinning in rapid circles, each rotation faster and faster, showers of sparks falling from his metal halo - then, just as suddenly, he stopped.
…What kind of attack was that?
Naoto inclined her head toward Rise. "Was that a debuff?"
_"No…but Namatame's__…__changed.__ I __don't __get __it, I'm__ scanning __him__ and __all __I__ get __are __Agi __spells!"_
Souji was on his feet again. All Kanji could see was his back, outlined with the unmistakable blue glow of a Persona card. "Chie!" he yelled. "Guard!"
Whatever had made Tomoe Gozen morph into Suzuka-Gongen had given Chie a major boost, and a fireball that a few weeks ago would've sent her flying merely staggered her. A black and white figure twirled out of nowhere, spear thrust forward, but vanished a split-second later in a sudden burst of light. With nothing else to block it, the light - a beam of sunshine, shot out from the glowing orb on Namatame's halo - shone on Chie instead. Stumbling, she tangled her feet together and fell to the floor.
The beam hadn't been electricity, though, hadn't been much of an attack at all, and she was back on her feet in a moment - but the motion looked wrong. Like someone was yanking her up on strings. Arms and legs stiff, she jerked back, swung sideways - then lurched forward toward Namatame.
Kanji watched, waiting for her to attack the Shadow. She didn't.
_"Wait, what __are you__- __-__Chie-senpai! __Stop!"_
Yosuke's head jerked up. "Satonaka? What's she doing?"
Naoto was staring at the dais, eyes narrowed behind her glasses. "…She's switching sides."
And Kanji knew that had to be wrong, Naoto had totally the wrong idea - until Chie hurled herself toward Souji, landing a kick square in his abdomen.
Senpai wasn't prepared, had no reason to be. He doubled over and fell to his hands and knees. Namatame angled forward again, arms dangling limp at their elbows, and another beam of light flashed through the air - half of it catching Teddie as he tried to pull himself up and the rest hitting Yukiko a few meters behind him. Just like Chie, they both staggered back, stiffened - then moved to flank her. It was hard to tell from where Kanji was standing, but it looked almost like they were being dragged.
"They're gonna - - dammit!" he growled. "The hell's he doing to them?"
_"Teddie, Yukiko-senpai - please!" _Rise usually kept her hands clasped together while evoking - but now they were balled into fists. _"You aren't thinking straight!"_
"Have you seen this affliction before?" Naoto asked.
_"No__…__this __is __different. __Namatame__'s __-__ he's __controlling __them __somehow,__ they're__ not __listening __to __me!"_
Naoto gave a sharp nod. "Yosuke-senpai, please remain with Nanako-chan."
"Wait a sec," Yosuke began, "what are you- -"
But Naoto was already running up the stairs.
No way were Kanji's reflexes as fast as hers. By the time he threw himself into a run she was almost at the top. He hurtled after her in long strides, taking the steps two at time until he reached the dais - just in time to see Chie slam knee-first into Naoto and send them both tumbling back down the stairs.
He yelled Naoto's name without thinking, almost ran down after her, but caught himself on the top step.
Yukiko and Ted hadn't noticed him. Just kept tossing out ice shards and streaks of fire at Souji. Izanagi was taking the worst of it, but how long would that last?
Naoto might not be able to handle Chie - Kanji wasn't sure _he_ could - but she at least had a fighting chance. Souji didn't.
Kanji angled himself forward, planning to run in and haul Senpai up. A searing wall of flame cut him off at the first step. Didn't hit him - he'd felt the heat coming, leapt back on instinct - but it made reaching Souji impossible. He started back for the steps, hoping to run around the flames, and almost slid off the dais. Ted had iced the floor.
Shit. They wanted to take Souji out. Didn't care about anyone else until the moment they tried to help him - which was probably why Chie had tackled Naoto.
How was he supposed to- -
"Tatsumi! Keep 'em busy!"
Yosuke's voice. Kanji didn't bother to look back. He darted in front of Souji instead, jumping clear over the patch of ice, and turned to face Yukiko and Teddie. Namatame dangled near-motionless in the air behind them.
Kanji was bad at some things, good for others. Making a ruckus was one of the latter.
"Hey! Y'dumb bear! Thass right!" he shouted, waving his arms to draw Teddie's attention. "An' you, Yukiko-senpai! C'mon, I'm not even singed!"
The worst part was her expression. Kanji could see it on Teddie too, had even glimpsed it on Chie as she'd slammed Naoto down the stairs. Yukiko raised one arm, face frozen in that same look of blank terror, Amaterasu's card glowing in her hand - and he dove without thinking.
Three long, fiery streamers seared past him. Couldn't see where they struck, or who - and he should've taken them, made sure they didn't hit Senpai or Hanamura - but now Ted was gearing up too, Kintoki-Douji flickering to life behind him.
Kanji's first, primal instinct was to will his card into his palm. Instead, he ran forward. "You heard me, bear! What's that butterball Persona of yours waitin' for?"
Bracing himself against the flurry of hail, he let Take-Mikazuchi swallow the damage. At the back of his mind, the Persona was roaring. No words but the meaning was clear: they were in a fight, they had to take the bastards down, why the hell wasn't Kanji evoking?
Because Souji had rules. Number one: never willingly sic your Persona on your friends. You took a bad hit, got confused, Senpai would just cast Silence and seal everything away. Fists and feet were simple. Personas were a different matter; something Kanji was rapidly finding out.
The last lumps of ice slammed into him. He clenched his teeth to keep them from chattering. "H-Hanamura! Move it!"
"I've got him!" Yosuke called out. "C'mon, Souji, you're gonna - whoa!"
Glancing over his shoulder, Kanji saw Chie rocket forward, leg outstretched in a flying kick that barely missed Yosuke's head. Yosuke dodged down and left, threw his card before he'd even stopped moving - and in a rush of wind, Jiraiya whirled into existence.
Kanji spun around, a curse already on his lips, but for once Hanamura knew what he was doing. Jiraiya was pulling his punches, casting a gale fierce enough to keep Chie at bay yet too weak to do her any harm.
Wait a sec. If she'd made it back up here, was Naoto - -
No time to finish the thought. Yukiko was on the offensive again, tossing out two Agidynes in a row. The first fireball landed half a meter to Kanji's left. The second should've caught Souji head-on - but the flames seemed to arc around him instead and quickly died away.
_"Kanji-kun!__ Move!"_
Kanji darted right, and a bolt of golden light sliced through the space where he'd been standing.
Same beam that'd gotten Chie and the others. He had to pay more attention. He glanced at Teddie and Yukiko in turn, searching for the glow of their cards, then back at Souji. Senpai was still on his knees, but now Naoto was standing behind him. A lightning rush of relief coursed through Kanji - then froze ice cold in his veins.
Naoto's arm was straight and stiff, the barrel of her gun pressed against the back of Souji's scalp.
Beam must've caught her. Shit, this was bad. Fire and ice were harsh enough, but a bullet to the head? Could any Persona block that?
"Snap outta it, Naoto!" he yelled - knowing better than to hope she'd listen.
Senpai's lips were moving but the gun stayed at his head. Kanji swallowed against the tightness in his throat, wondering if he could evoke fast enough.
Then he noticed Naoto's arm trembling.
Her eyes flickered right for a split-second, meeting his - and he launched himself forward.
Naoto had to have seen him coming, yet she stayed rigid even when he caught her in a full body tackle. As they hit the floor - Kanji with his arms around her, trying to both restrain her and limit the impact - a shot rang out.
Stomach twisting, he glanced over his shoulder. Souji stared back at him, eyes wide. Naoto must've jerked her arm sideways at the last second.
Which meant she still had her gun.
Kanji rolled over, flipping her onto her back and knocking her revolver from her hand in a single fluid motion. He grabbed her arms at the elbows and pinned them against her sides - one knee pressed against the cord linking her gun to her belt.
Naoto blinked up at him. "...Kanji-kun?"
He didn't dare let go. "You - you with it again? 'Cause I ain't gonna - -"
_"Kanji-kun!__ The__ atmosphere's__ shifted__ again, I'm getting nothing but Garu magic!__"_
Oh, _shit._
The blast of wind hit him harder than a Panzer's cannon. As he hurtled through the air, sailing clear over the staircase, he was briefly grateful for two things: that he hadn't been blown off the side of the island instead, and that he'd thought to let go of Naoto first.
He didn't remember hitting the floor. Everything just went blank.
At least, until something started shaking him. Whatever it was, it pissed him off. Like his head didn't hurt enough already - or everything else. Kanji tried for an impressive and creative string of curses, but it came out more like a half-growled grunt.
"…Crap…c'mon, you big ox…"
Somebody's voice. Somebody Kanji promptly smacked in the head - or would've, if his own hadn't been throbbing so badly.
A sudden breeze picked up. He tensed his muscles on reflex - but this one was gentle, even warm. It made everything hurt a little less, and he forced his eyes open. A slightly blurred Yosuke was floating above him, nose bloody and mouth curved in a nervous grin. "Ha! See, Tatsumi, I knew you were just faking me out."
Kanji swallowed. His mouth still tasted like iron. "…What th' hell..."
"Garudyne." Yosuke rubbed the back of his hand against his nose, smearing the skin with blood. "Dude, for someone so heavy, you flew like a bird! Or a brick."
"Th-the fight - are th'others still - -"
"Yeah. Naoto's holding them back from Souji, we gotta go help."
Kanji bolted upright. "You friggin' left her up there?"
"She told me to get you! Stop griping and- -"
He didn't wait for the rest. Muscles aching with the effort, he barreled up the stairs past Rise and Nanako, back to the dais.
Sukuna-Hikona was in clear view, darting through the air as he dodged fireballs and ice shards. Naoto wasn't. It wasn't until Kanji reached Souji that he realized she was on her hands and knees two meters ahead. Her revolver was on the floor beside her, still attached to its cord, and she was trying to grab it - but a sharp kick caught her in the ribs and knocked her onto her back.
Chie leaned back, one foot raised above Naoto's head.
"I am so gonna get my ass kicked for this!" Yosuke groaned, then hurled himself shoulder-first toward Chie, sending them both crashing down in a tangle of limbs.
Amateratsu and Kintoki-Douji were hovering by their owners, prepping another barrage of fire and ice. Kanji had to move quickly, get Naoto off the floor and out the way - but a heavy weight was hanging from his jacket.
He glanced down. Souji had latched on to the hem. "Maziodyne."
"B-but y'said we shouldn't ever - -"
"I-I know. But - we have to buy time."
Kanji took a deep breath, summoned his card - and crushed it in his fist.
With a roar of thunder, Take-Mikazuchi burst into existence, lightning crackling from his hands in a wave of jagged bolts. Amateratsu's fireball sputtered into embers as Yukiko was staggered by a direct hit. Ted was left shuddering on the floor, even after the electricity had fizzled away.
Kanji grit his teeth, told himself that the sudden thrill of excitement was solely his Persona's - but in the end, weren't they the same damn thing? Was this what he really - -
A sickening crunch sounded somewhere to his right. When he turned his head, Yosuke was crumpled in front of Chie, left arm twisted at an impossible angle.
Chie stared down, confused and horrified. "Y-Yosuke? Why're you - -"
_"Chie-senpai, __you're__ back!__ Please, __you __have __to__ help __Yukiko-senpai!"_
"But Yosuke's…"
Souji must've called one of his Personas during Take-Mikazuchi's attack, fixed himself up enough to stand. "Chie, go! I've got him!"
Chie took off running. She reached Yukiko in a moment, dodged a swipe from the other girl's razor-sharp fan - then drew back her hand and slapped her friend hard across the cheek. The fan clattered to the floor.
_"Kanji-kun, stop gawking and get Teddie!"_
…The hell was he supposed to do with Ted? Wallop him? At a loss for anything better, Kanji ran to the bear's side and tried to pin down his arms, same as he'd done with Naoto. Unfortunately, Ted - or his suit - was a lot rounder. The grab turned into a grapple, earning Kanji a growl that reminded him far too much of Teddie's hollow-eyed Shadow.
He lunged sideways over the suit; knees trapping one of Teddie's arms against the floor, hands holding down the other. "Dammit, Ted! You think this shit is gonna help Nanako?"
Mid-flail, Teddie stopped struggling.
"Yeah, s'right! Nanako-chan needs you. You're the only one who can get her outta here. Now quit being such an ass!"
"…That - that's not bear-y nice, Kanji-chan."
Twisting against the suit, Kanji managed to glimpse Ted's face. The frozen look of terror had turned into a hurt frown. "Yeah, and I ain't either," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet.
He glanced around. Souji and Yosuke were a few meters behind him, the latter clutching his arm as Kikuri-Hime bathed him in pale yellow light. Chie was pulling a dazed-looking Yukiko toward them. Ted quickly abandoned his attempts to stand up in favour of rolling away on his side - something was seriously wrong with that bear - and Naoto was - - slumped on the floor at the top of the stairs.
Kanji made it two strides before he realized where Ted was headed.
"He's got her, Kanji!" Souji yelled. "I need you for Namatame!"
They'd all taken bad hits before. Naoto had been both tough and smart enough to haul herself somewhere safer before passing out. And what was more useful: fussing over her or kicking Namatame's ass?
Kanji lifted his palm, card burning. "C'mon, Take-Mikazuchi!"
His senpai started hurling out what little they had left - Amaterasu casting sweeping streams of fire, Suzuka-Gongen thrusting and twirling her spear, Souji crushing a different card with every attack. Namatame was tossing elementals in response, vicious blasts of wind included, but the gaps between each attack were growing longer.
Bastard was going down. Take-Mikazuchi's massive form crashed forward, grabbed the metal halo in both fists, and pulled hard - Kanji's own hands automatically mimicking the motion. Dragged down with his halo, Namatame dropped low enough to touch the floor. Swinging his shield forward, Kanji ran to attack, but Chie was quicker. Never saw her launch the kick - just slam foot-first into Namatame's left cheek, wrenching the Shadow's neck sideways and earning a shrill shriek. Kanji gladly cut it off with a well-aimed throw of his shield directly into Namatame's forehead.
It'd only dazed him, but that was enough. Thor was already there, hammer held high over his helmet, electricity crackling over the metal surface. Souji glared at the Shadow, fist clenched and on his knees - and the hammer smashed down. The Shadow disappeared in a shower of light, leaving a crumpled, human Namatame face down on the floor.
It struck Kanji then that they might've killed the guy - and that, disturbingly, he didn't care.
"That…" Yosuke managed, still curled on his side and cradling his arm, "was just about…the worst thing ever."
Shrugging off Chie's offer of help, Souji pulled himself up. "Nanako - is she…"
_"I've got her, Senpai."_
As most of the team headed back down to Rise, Kanji stayed put. Someone had to watch Namatame. Chie didn't leave either, just kept staring into space, shifting from foot to foot - at least until Naoto walked up between them.
Startled, Chie raised her hand as if to touch Naoto's shoulder - then pulled back. "Naoto-kun - I-I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to - -"
Naoto shook her head. She had her jacket sleeve pressed against her chin, trying to stem the blood trickling from her lower lip. "You weren't at fault."
"Well, at least we know you can handle yourself now. Took on three of us at once!" Chie's smile was desperately forced. "Kanji-kun can finally quit worrying."
Denial was too exhausting. Naoto hadn't bothered to glare at him anyway, instead turning her attention to Namatame. "…We should take him with us."
She was right. Couldn't leave anyone to die in here - no matter how much they deserved it. "Guess so," Kanji muttered.
* * *
The rain started up shortly after the police arrived. Just a light drizzle, but it was enough to leave Kanji shivering beneath his jacket. Or perhaps it was exhaustion; just staying upright was a pain, especially when he still felt like he'd been used as a football, and the flashing lights of the two ambulances didn't help.
Nanako was already inside one of them with Souji and Yosuke, who the paramedics had hassled into getting his arm checked out. Two cops were hauling Namatame into the other. Kanji was grateful that for once the team had gotten lucky, and Junes had already closed by the time they'd climbed out of the television - because while explaining how they'd found Namatame near Junes would be difficult, it was far easier than finding a reason he would've been wandering around an empty electronics department.
In truth, Naoto was the one stuck doing the explaining. One of the plain-clothes detectives - a bearded, older looking guy, probably one of the seniors - had pulled her aside about five minutes ago. From what Kanji could see, she didn't look fazed, but it would've been nice if they could've all gotten their stories straight first.
"Guys…how are we gonna get to the hospital?" Rise asked. She'd pulled her own jacket up over her head to block the rain.
Kanji shrugged. "Walk, I guess." Wasn't that far, and they wouldn't get drenched. Smart enough to check the forecast, Yukiko, Chie and Naoto had all brought their umbrellas and stashed them in the main lot - though only Yukiko had thought to grab them before leaving.
"Maybe the police could take us?"
"I doubt it," Yukiko said, before Kanji had the chance to point out that of all the ways he'd prefer to travel, inside a cop car was bottom of the list. "There's too many of us, and they'll be busy with Namatame."
Like that asshole even mattered now. He needed to face justice - even if it wasn't the sort he really deserved - but Nanako was the real concern. It'd only taken Souji and the team a couple of days to pull Kanji out. Rise and Naoto were in there much longer, and suffered for it. Eventually they'd recovered, just needed some rest - but Nanako was a little kid, and she'd been stuck in there two whole weeks.
The old detective had finally quit badgering Naoto. She headed over to the group, hands shoved in her coat pockets.
Chie bit her lip. A vivid bruise had blossomed on her left cheek; maybe Naoto had gotten in at least one good hit. "Naoto-kun - what did you tell them? Are they gonna want to talk to us too?"
Naoto hesitated, watching a beat cop close the doors of Namatame's ambulance. "…I doubt it. Few meaningful questions were asked after Kubo's arrest and I expect this to be no different." It sounded a little bitter. "Try not to worry, Chie-senpai. I provided only a vague explanation to Detective Ishikawa. I'll concoct a more suitable story later."
"But what if - -" A car pulled up close behind them, and Chie stopped short. "Wait, isn't that - that other detective? Adachi?"
"Late as usual," Naoto muttered as Adachi opened the door and stepped out of the car.
He walked toward them, one hand shielding his face from the drizzle. "Shirogane, is it true? You actually caught the guy?" he asked, and hastily added, "Uh, not that I didn't think you could!"
Naoto's expression stayed neutral, but Kanji caught the sudden tension in her shoulders. "I would hope not, Adachi-san."
"Great work, too. I'm just, uh, kinda surprised you kids found him." Kanji expected more after that - namely a bunch of awkward questions about _how_ they'd found him, and where - but Adachi switched topics. "Hey, you need a ride to the hospital? My car can fit three more."
"Thank you," Naoto said, with a curt nod toward him, then a second at the girls standing beside Kanji. "Rise-chan, Chie-senpai and Yukiko-senpai will accompany you."
Rise frowned. "What about the rest of you? Can't we all just walk together?"
"It will help Souji-senpai if some of us arrive at the hospital with him."
"We should at least take Teddie," Yukiko said softly. Ted was standing alone by the lobby doors, watching as Nanako's ambulance pulled away. Bear had been so quiet, Kanji had almost forgotten he was there.
"Good idea. C'mon, Teddie," Rise called out. "Adachi-san's gonna take us to the hospital. You can squeeze in the back between Chie-senpai and me."
Ted should've made some sort of comment to that, and not a good one - but as he walked over, his gaze stayed fixed on the ambulance. "Okay, Rise-chan."
"… Kanji-kun and I will walk, then." Naoto didn't look at him.
She didn't speak to him, either, not even after Rise and the others had gotten into Adachi's car and driven off. Just opened her umbrella, glanced back at him, then nodded toward the street ahead and started walking. Kanji fell in step beside her, equally silent.
"What if Nanako - -" he started - then stopped, took a deep breath, and tried again. "You think she's gonna be okay, right?"
The question wasn't really directed at anyone; Kanji wasn't sure what had made him say it aloud, other than the need for some sort of reassurance. When she glanced up at him, catching his gaze for a split-second, the flash of guilt in Naoto's eyes was anything but.
* * *
The hospital was no better the second time round.
Dojima was still down on the third floor. Nanako's room was on the fifth - and yet everything looked the same. Long white corridors, stark overhead lighting, cheap plastic chairs lined against the wall. Even the weather was identical to the night she'd been kidnapped, and the atmosphere was just as dismal.
Kanji stared out the window, arms folded. Too dark to see anything besides rivulets of rain, but it was a good excuse not to look at the others. Not that it mattered; they'd all been staring at the walls or floors ever since him and Naoto arrived, and probably well before.
The only one missing was Yosuke, who was getting his arm patched up down in emergency. Teddie had stayed with him for a while - probably sparkled at every nurse he saw until they let him tag along - but left to check on Nanako. He'd already been up here by the time Naoto and Kanji arrived. Bear needn't have bothered; the doctors hadn't explained much of anything, not even to Souji.
But Nanako would be fine, Kanji told himself. She had to be.
"So, uh, Ted," Chie piped up - the latest in her series of attempts to break the silence. "Maybe you can answer this. How come Nanako-chan's other self didn't appear?"
"She's still small, so she probably doesn't have one," Teddie said, soft and resigned. "I think you humans start out fine. You just get messed up later."
Nobody had much to say to that, Chie included. "I - I guess so," she whispered, fidgeting against her seat, then fell quiet.
Back to the same smothering silence. It gave Kanji the sudden, stupid urge to break something.
"This is my fault."
Naoto's voice. He looked at her without thinking, knew it wouldn't have made a difference if he had. "Y'what?"
"I never considered Nanako-chan a potential target, just as I never considered that the culprit might be bringing a television with him each time." Her voice had risen in both speed and pitch. "If I'd been more thorough in putting the facts together, if I'd paid attention, she wouldn't be going through this."
Kanji frowned as he considered his options. Half of him wanted to shake her, because she was beating herself up again and what good was that to Nanako? The other half wanted to give her a hug. Combined, they panicked and opted to stare at the wall instead.
"Hey, it's not all bad! At least you didn't start whaling on your friends, right?" Chie was trying to keep her voice light. It came off as slightly hysterical.
"You weren't the only one," Yukiko said, with a fleeting glance at Souji.
Chie gave a single, sharp shake of her head. "I - that light he used, I couldn't even _think_ anymore, and I- -"
Leaning closer, Yukiko twined their hands together, so deftly Kanji almost didn't notice.
"And I couldn't do anything to stop you," Rise added. She'd started tugging at a stray lock of hair, twirling it around her fingers. "I could hear all of you, but I couldn't get you to listen."
Hell, where would this end? Did they expect Kanji to join in? He wished they'd done more for Nanako, that they'd gotten to her sooner, that she'd never been kidnapped at all - but regrets wouldn't do shit to help her now. All they did was make a bad atmosphere worse. Why wasn't everyone pulling together on this? Souji could've made them, would've usually, but all he'd done for the past half-hour was stare at the door to Nanako's room.
Kanji glared at his shoes, frown deepening, and tried to ignore the cold lump in the pit of his stomach.
But Naoto just kept going. "Why did I waste time listening to what Namatame had to say? We should have rescued Nanako-chan weeks ago, and still I delayed it further! If - if we'd helped her immediately, this wouldn't have happened!"
Nothing about that sounded right. Not the quavering pitch, not the tremble in her voice, and not the idea that Naoto would ever go to pieces over anything. She didn't do that. She _couldn't_ do that.
Kanji grit his teeth.
"It's nobody's fault," Souji said flatly.
"But…" Naoto gulped, drew a shuddering breath, "I-I still…"
Any of the girls could've started bawling, or Teddie, or even Yosuke. Hell, Kanji expected it from most of them, sooner or later. But not Naoto.
He finally broke. "Alright. Enough of this pity party!"
Chie looked both confused and insulted. "Hey now, that's kinda-"
"No, listen up. Why the hell are we standin' around whining?" he snapped - scared and pissed-off and a bunch of other things he couldn't hope to untangle. "Feeling pathetic, consoling each other - that gonna solve anything? We gotta believe in Nanako-chan!"
Naoto stared at him, grey eyes wide. He couldn't remember turning to face her.
"So just - stop rehashing what's already done. Get it together, Naoto!"
Shit, he might've overstepped the mark. But this was Naoto. She could handle it, and she'd do the same for him.
She blinked at him, momentarily frozen - then dropped her gaze to the tiled floor. "…S-Sorry. You're absolutely right."
It still didn't sound like Naoto, and her mouth quivered until she bit her lower lip to stop it - but Kanji would take what he could get. "This is all that bastard Namatame's fault. Nobody else's." He'd barely noticed his tone soften. "And it ain't like we were too late."
Naoto gave a stiff nod, raised one hand to clutch her opposite shoulder - and that was that, Kanji decided, he was just gonna hug her, wasn't like she'd hit him _that_ hard - until he remembered the five other people in the corridor. Five people who were all quietly staring holes in him.
Rise, always happy to fill up a silence, leapt to his rescue. "Wow, Kanji-kun…you sounded cool for a second there!"
"Wh-whaddya mean, a _second_?" he shot back, hoping he wasn't as red as he felt.
Souji stood and turned to face them. "Kanji's right. We brought Nanako back, and now we just have to be there for her. All of us."
"Don't worry, partner. We're gonna be." Yosuke walked round the corner, from the corridor that led back to the elevators - his injured arm now in a sling.
Chie shot up from her chair, took two steps toward him, then apparently thought better of it. "So, uh, how's the arm?" she asked, forcing another smile. "Hope you didn't tell them I did it."
"I told you twice already," Yosuke said quietly. "It's fine."
"You guys still here?"
"Adachi-san," Naoto said. Her voice was now perfectly level. "The doctors haven't told us anything."
"Dojima-san's speaking with them now downstairs," Adachi explained. "They were still there when I left, but they said they want to run more tests on her - and on Namatame."
"Dunno why they're bothering," Kanji muttered.
Adachi shrugged. "They need to figure out what's wrong. The way he is right now, we'll never hear his story."
Honestly, Adachi was kind of annoying. Even more so when he was right. Kanji scowled, and didn't point out that if it'd been left up to the Inaba police force, nobody would be hearing from Namatame at all.
"Look, it's getting late. Staying here all night won't do anyone any good. You got someone to go home with, Seta?"
"Yeah, he does," Yosuke quickly answered, not looking at Souji.
Souji turned away, shoulders slumped, as if his own weight was too much to carry. "…I want to see Nanako again first. I'll meet you downstairs."
With a quick nod, Yosuke wrapped his good arm around Teddie's back and ushered him down the corridor. The rest of the team followed them to the elevators in silence.
Down in the lobby, they filtered into ones and twos - Yosuke and Ted hovering near the hospital exit, Chie and Yukiko hand-in-hand and talking near reception, Rise perched alone on one of the beige plastic seats. No Naoto, though Kanji remembered seeing her in the elevator.
He flopped down in a chair and stretched out his aching legs. He'd been too wired to notice anything beyond general soreness - but the fall from the dais had been one hell of a drop, and now his neck and shoulders had begun to throb. Eyes closed, he leaned his head back against the wall behind him and tried to tune everyone out.
"Hey, Tatsumi."
Kanji wasn't exactly asleep, but he had no clue how long he'd been sitting there, only that he'd like to keep doing it. He didn't open his eyes until a shoe tapped against his leg. "…What?"
"Time to go home, dude," Yosuke said. "You can walk Rise back, right?"
Blinking, Kanji sat up and glanced around the lobby. Chie and Yukiko must've left already. Souji was standing next to Teddie by the glass doors, one arm round the blonde boy's shoulders. "Sure." He tipped his head toward Souji. "What 'bout Souji-senpai?"
"It's cool, me and Ted are gonna go with him, stay overnight at his uncle's place."
"Good. Keep an eye on him."
"Not like I'm gonna sleep instead. Man, this still hurts," he muttered, tugging at the sling with his good hand. "Later, Kanji."
They walked out the sliding doors in a row - Ted in the middle, Yosuke and Souji either side. Despite everything else, it felt good to know that for once Senpai wasn't heading back to an empty house. Nobody should have to do that right now, Kanji thought - then paused.
Souji had Yosuke and Ted. Chie and Yukiko had their families, Rise had her grandmother - and though Kanji didn't expect Ma to be awake this time of night, knowing she was there made a difference. Naoto didn't have anyone, not in Inaba.
Kanji hesitated a moment longer - then stood up and walked over to Rise.
He was two steps away when she lifted her head. "Hey, Kanji-kun. Are we heading out?"
"Soon. Where's Naoto? She leave already?"
"Nope. She said she wanted some coffee." Rise nodded down the corridor to her left, just past the empty reception desk. "I think she went to that machine we passed on the way out here. You wanna talk to her?"
"Yeah," Kanji said, and resolved to ignore the slight smirk that tugged at Rise's lips. "Be right back."
He strode down the corridor and rounded the corner to the elevators. Naoto was standing by the machine, opening her can of coffee. At the sound of footsteps, she glanced in his direction, but averted her eyes as he walked closer.
He nodded at the can in her hand. "S'gonna keep you awake."
"Which is entirely the purpose." She took a sip. "I have an hour's walk ahead of me."
Didn't sound anything like she had upstairs. Didn't sound right, either. "You, uh, feeling okay?"
She shrugged. The motion looked anything but casual. "Bruised. Tired."
"No wonder. You went down hard."
"You've suffered worse," Naoto said, somehow sounding both resigned and exasperated. "A Gigas broke your jaw."
"Didn't try takin' on three people by myself," Kanji pointed out, immediately wishing he hadn't. Wasn't like she'd had any other choice.
"Please spare me your reproval, Kanji-kun." Her glare was directed somewhere past his right elbow. "Is there any other reason you wish to speak with me?"
He was tired, Rise was waiting for him back in the lobby, and walking away seemed like the smartest option - but even Souji hadn't left alone. "Back upstairs," he started, one hand moving to the back of his neck. "That stuff I said. Sorry if I was a dick."
Naoto's gaze softened a fraction. "It needed to be said." A pause. "Have the others left?"
"Yeah, 'cept Rise. Gonna walk her home."
"And Souji-senpai?"
"Yosuke and Ted went with him."
Naoto looked like she wanted to say something to that. There was a moment's silence before she settled on, "Their company will help."
Kanji gave a stiff nod, jaw tensed. "Yeah. Look, I - I'm goin' back with Rise anyway. I - don't mind walkin' with you to your place too."
The reply was smooth and instant. "No, thank you. It's fine. I should leave now." Naoto tried to walk past, stepping between him and the corridor wall - and almost slammed into the arm he'd used to block the gap.
She blinked up at him in confusion. Kanji lowered his arm but held her gaze.
Maybe it was down to exhaustion, but wrenching the words out was harder than ever. He took a deep breath. "If - if you wanna talk sometime, I'm - -"
"That won't be necessary. Goodnight." With that, Naoto walked past him and down the corridor, each step a sharp echo against the tiled floor.
* * *
If Rise was wondering why Naoto had left before them - or exactly what new way Kanji had found to piss off the Detective Prince - she was kind enough not to mention it. She seemed too tired and fractured to talk at all, and they made it back to the shopping district without exchanging more than a couple of sentences; something that would've disturbed Kanji if he hadn't been half asleep himself.
The rain had eased off, though the cold night wind still bit at his cheeks. As they walked past the dark Moel garage, he made a mental note to bring his winter coat the next time they did this - then remembered there wouldn't be one.
"I could hear them," Rise said - taut, like she had to force out the words. "I-I couldn't talk to them, but I could hear. They wanted to hurt him."
The fight with Namatame. With everything that had happened in the hospital, all the worry over Nanako, the team had managed to ignore the big white elephant in the room: the fact that more than half of them had tried to take Souji out.
But none of them had really wanted to, right? Kanji had been caught before - magic that filled your gut with white-hot fury, a Shadow whacking you so hard you couldn't think straight - and it'd never meant anything. "Why would they wanna do that?"
The question went unanswered. "It wasn't their fault. Namatame just latched on to whatever he could."
"Just a stupid spell. You've seen Shadows pull that crap before."
"Not like this." Rise's voice was almost a whisper. "I just wish I could'v don't know, Kanji-kun, maybe Himiko isn't good enough. Yukiko-senpai's and Chie-senpai's Personas changed, got stronger, but mine's still the same."
"So's Take-Mikazuchi. Don't mean anything bad," Kanji insisted. Admittedly, he'd briefly wondered the same thing - until Take-Mikazuchi had rumbled at him to quit fussing over nothing. "And yours is fine as she is."
Rise shook her head. "I couldn't get them to _listen_."
They were outside the tofu shop, the store itself in darkness but with one upstairs window casting light into the street. Rise would need to spin a few grandma-pleasing stories. Kanji turned, opened his mouth to wish her luck - and barely stifled a yelp as she threw her arms around his midriff, burying her head against his shirt.
…Rise was his friend, he reminded himself. Rise dealt with life via hugs. Rise was gonna finish up in a moment, ideally before she crushed his ribs. Kanji patted her on the arm and hoped for the best.
Chin tilted up, she managed a watery smile. "You know that isn't comforting at all, right?" she teased as she broke away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Kanji-kun. We can go get lunch at Aiya."
"Sure. Later, Rise." He watched her open the store door and step inside, then walked the short distance to Tatsumi Textiles.
He'd been hoping all the windows would be dark. Unfortunately, his luck tonight matched Rise's; he could see through the ground floor windows that a light was still on inside the shop. Crap. Ma never usually stayed awake this late. Had she been waiting up for him?
With a deep breath, Kanji pulled his key out of his pocket, went to insert it in the lock - and almost fell back into the street when his mother pushed open the door.
"Kanji-chan, it's past midnight!" she scolded, shooing him indoors. "And why were you out at this hour with Kujikawa's granddaughter?"
Mothers, Kanji reflected, had scarily good eyesight. Or a sixth sense. "S-Sorry, Ma…she just needed somebody to walk her home."
Ma said nothing at first - just looked at him, like she expected him to keep going. "Well…that was very kind of you," she finally said, though it was almost a sigh. Her eyes creased with concern. "You've been coming home so late recently."
_None of your business_, he almost bit back - except it always had been, no matter how much of a fuss he'd kicked up. Ma had made it her business to stick by him. He thought of Souji, whose parents had palmed him off on an uncle he'd only once met; Naoto, who'd lost both of hers and fallen to her grandfather by default; and his own father, five years dead and already fading from his memory.
He took a deep breath. "I know. Ain't gonna be a problem now."
Ma stepped forward to rest a hand against his left biceps. "Is everything all right, dear?"
Kanji looked at her, then away. Swallowed, fists clenched - then swept her into a hug, almost lifting her off the floor.
Shit, he should've warned her first, he'd probably surprised the hell out of her - but then, this was Ma, so maybe he hadn't. Either way, she didn't question it. Kanji was more grateful for that than he knew how to say.
When he broke the hug off moments later, she just smiled and patted him on the arm again. "…I think we both need a good night's rest. Don't stay up too late."
His eyes had started prickling. Kanji quickly turned away. "I-I told you, quit tellin' me what to do."
* * *
Turned out a _good night's rest_ wasn't an option. Too wired and sore to sleep, Kanji couldn't do much more than doze, and even that was regularly interrupted by sudden bouts of panic - the conviction that they hadn't made it before the fog, or that they _had_, and yet they'd still been too late.
Stupid. Yosuke had promised he'd call everyone if - if anything changed. Kanji's phone had buzzed with text messages three times in the past half-hour, but there'd been no calls and no voice mails. Was probably just Rise. She'd sent the first one - a long, weirdly-punctuated lament about how she was now grounded for life and was going to end her days wearing a tofu shop apron - and nobody else Kanji knew was half as much in love with texting.
His phone buzzed against the sewing table again. Maybe Rise couldn't sleep either. He thought briefly about answering, then thought better of it and flopped over onto his stomach instead, laying his chin on his forearms and listening to the rain pattering against the shop's old tiled roof. Wasn't much more than a drizzle. It fit his mood. And if he felt like this, how the hell was Souji coping?
Now he'd had time to think - more than he wanted - he knew Rise was right. The others _had_ been trying to hurt Souji; Namatame had just amplified what they already felt. And it wasn't their fault. Kanji looked up to Souji, almost worshiped him - but he could still remember several occasions when he'd been so angry at Senpai he almost couldn't speak, and too many more where he'd been sour with envy.
But what was the point in dwelling on it? Souji was gonna need the whole team now, even more than Nanako did. And that meant Kanji wasn't gonna whine, or cry, or any of that shit - not because it'd make him less of a man but because it wouldn't help either of them. He'd save his energy for the stuff that could. They'd visit Nanako, keep Senpai company, make sure that bastard Namatame got what was coming to him.
Kanji rolled onto his back again, stretched out his arms behind his head and focused on the rain, hoping the sound might lull him to sleep - then noticed that wasn't the only thing he could hear. A weird, hollow tapping noise had started up. _Tink. Tink_. It was coming from his bedroom window, as if something was hitting the glass.
He stood up, walked across the room and peered through the window - at the same instant another pebble ricocheted off the surface.
Somebody was in the street below. Somebody who was standing under an umbrella and clearly demanding an ass-kicking. Kanji was tempted to oblige, until the person tipped the umbrella aside and drew their arm back for another shot.
Exhaustion. It was making him hallucinate. Had to be - because there was no sensible reason why Naoto Shirogane would be in the shopping district, at three in the morning, throwing rocks at his window. Kanji rubbed his hand over his eyes, took a deep breath, looked out the window again. Naoto was still there. Meaning she'd genuinely walked halfway across town in the dark then started lobbing stuff at his house: two very non-Naoto actions. Meaning something was wrong.
He pulled on his black jeans and the first long-sleeve shirt he could find, crept downstairs, and unlocked the shop door. Naoto must've heard him fiddling with the catch, because he opened the door to find her standing under the awning, umbrella now closed.
He frowned down at her. "I got a phone, y'know."
"Which I texted," Naoto shot back, a little petulantly. "Three times."
"Why didn't you just call?"
"Why were you ignoring your phone?"
"I didn't know you'd be outside freezing your ass off!" Kanji snapped, with a quick swipe of his hand toward the street. "The hell're you doin' out here anyway?"
Naoto's expression shifted. She straightened her back, the motion stilted. "I...wanted to talk."
"Oh. Right." He felt suddenly light-headed - and out of his depth. "S-Sure, go for it."
Impulsive as the offer had been, he'd honestly meant it; he'd just never expected her to take it up. Kanji swallowed in an effort to steel himself, and waited for her speak.
An uncomfortably long time passed before she did. "My apartment's empty."
He nodded. "…Yeah."
"And I wanted to talk," Naoto repeated, as if trying to convince herself. Her foot started tapping against the ground. "This - none of this needed to happen, I shouldn't have _let_ it happen."
"C'mon, don't start that again." He tipped his head, trying to gauge her expression. "You went home and stewed over all this crap, didn't you?"
Naoto didn't answer.
He grimaced. "Dammit, Naoto…you need t'get some sleep. You can't keep - -"
"I don't want to go back," she interrupted. "To my apartment, I mean. I-I don't want to be- -" She cut the sentence short with a quick shake of her head.
"You ain't." Kanji wanted more than anything for her to believe him. "Not anymore."
"That's the problem." Naoto pulled off her damp-looking cap and ran a hand through her hair. "It - it isn't worth it. They all leave anyway. Nanako-chan, she's- -"
"She's fine. She's gonna be fine."
Naoto finally raised her eyes to meet his, but quickly turned her head away. She didn't look convinced. He couldn't blame her.
He shifted in the doorway, one hand gripping the wooden frame. "Look, just - come inside or something, yeah? You can dry off." Even with the umbrella, her school jacket was still splashed with rain, and small droplets were clinging to her hair.
"I wouldn't want to wake your mother." Naoto paused, biting her bottom lip and wincing as her teeth grazed the cut. "Would - I, I intend to go to the shrine, y-you could - -"
Kanji didn't wait for her to finish. "Lemme get my coat."
* * *
Even in the lamplight, it was clear the shrine had seen better days. Tiles were missing from the roof, and weeds had grown between the flagstones and curled up around the posts of the torii. No wonder; the offertory box looked almost empty, and there were only four or five ema hanging on the wall above it. Naoto was standing at the top of the steps, studying them.
Kanji stretched his legs out and shuffled against the top step. Wasn't comfortable, but there was nowhere else to sit that was sheltered from the drizzle. "My ma's probably got a couple of blank ema at home," he said, rubbing his hands together for warmth. "If you wanna leave one."
"I don't usually believe in that sort of thing."
He wasn't sure he did either. Last time he'd visited this place had been with Ma, on the first anniversary of his dad's death. She'd said Kanji could write whatever he wanted on his ema; she wouldn't look. So he'd wished for the obvious, and hadn't gotten it. And to an ten-year old kid, what was the point in trying again after that?
Maybe he'd come back and leave one for Nanako anyway.
Naoto sat down next to him on the steps. She drew her knees up to her front and rested her elbows on top of them, shivering slightly in the cold.
She hadn't said much at all since they left the shop. So much for wanting to talk, Kanji thought, then decided that was unfair. Even when you needed to vent, when you had more stuff inside you than you could handle, there was a big difference between wanting to voice it and actually being able to do so. He knew that from experience. What he didn't know was how to reconcile the two.
Damn, Naoto had made a bad choice.
"You coulda called one of the others," he said, without thinking.
"They didn't offer." She stiffened slightly. "If I disturbed you, then-"
"'Course you didn't, dammit!" He looked away. "But Souji-senpai would've - -"
"Senpai has more than enough to deal with right now."
What Naoto needed, Kanji knew, was someone different; someone who knew the right words and the right order to put them in and the right voice to say them with. At any other time, that would've been Souji. No matter how much Kanji might've disliked it.
"He - he'd be there for you if he could. He was for me," Kanji insisted. "Just…y'know. Everything that's happened."
"Exactly." Naoto's voice wavered on that one word. "I-I must take responsibility. I have made these mistakes before and _I__ didn't__ learn._"
"Mistakes?"
"Procrastination. Hubris. Treating the case as a game of chess, another culprit to outwit." She closed her eyes and pushed her palm hard against her forehead. "Another notch on my record. And now Nanako-chan is paying the price for my inattention."
He couldn't stifle an aggravated grunt. "Naoto, Nanako was never even on TV, none of us coulda known she'd be taken."
"_I_ could. I have only one reason to be in this town and yet I still haven't - -"
Kanji swiveled to face her. "You got more reasons now, alright?"
He'd spoken purely on impulse - and Naoto's confused, wide-eyed glance made him turn away. "N-Nanako's one of them, so's Souji-senpai," he quickly added, ignoring the blood he could feel rushing to his cheeks. "And - and there's people who want you to stay."
Silence. Naoto was staring into the rain, expression rigid and blank.
She sat upright a few long moments later, lowered her feet to the step below, and took a deep breath. "The only thing I had to offer you all was my ability as a detective. The _detective prince_," she muttered, almost spitting the words. "What use did that prove?"
"Dammit, you ain't listening!" Frustrated, Kanji smacked his palm against his left knee. "We all care 'bout Nanako-chan - but Yosuke, Ted, all of them, you think they're breaking their backs over shit they can't change? The hell do you get outta this?"
The glare Naoto shot him could laser a hole in concrete. "You don't understand," she said, her voice thick. "I was supposed to finish all this months ago, and I failed."
Exasperation, worry, anger...everything was coiling in his stomach all at once. He swallowed hard before continuing, trying to calm himself. "This ain't only about you," he said, firm but careful. "Let it go."
"I _can't_," she blurted. "What you said in the hospital, you were _right_ - b-but I can't just…"
"I meant we all had to be strong _together_. None of us have to t'do everything alone."
Naoto looked at him - not a glare this time, something undisguised and painfully vulnerable - then stared at her hands clamped over her knees. It took him a couple of seconds to realize they were trembling.
He'd yelled at her earlier because they all had to keep their shit together, because they couldn't go to pieces in a hospital corridor - and because part of him had just been terrified to see her choke. She'd been grateful. Kanji still wondered who he'd really been trying to help.
He glanced back at her. Naoto had raised one arm to cover her face, left sleeve pressed against her eyes.
Kanji looked away again, his throat suddenly tight. He lifted his hand, hesitated - then laid it on her far shoulder, expecting her to flinch away. She didn't.
Her breath was hitching slightly; a tight, fighting sound that made his chest ache. Gut instinct told him that she didn't want him to say anything; didn't even want the acknowledgement that she was crying, not when she was trying so hard to stop. He stayed silent, his thumb rubbing small circles against the fabric of her jacket.
Naoto might be right: either people kept leaving her, or she kept leaving them. But not this time.
She calmed down sooner than he'd expected. Probably sooner than she needed. Kanji's eyes were stinging too now, for no damn good reason. He focused his attention on the rain pattering against the shrine roof and the sound of their breath: his almost silent, hers still rough and unsteady.
"Sorry." Naoto wiped her hand over her face. "I - I'm just tired."
He was still holding her opposite shoulder. Had she noticed? No way she couldn't, Kanji thought - then remembered there were a _lot_ of things Naoto didn't notice. "Yeah, me too."
"Then you ought to be sleeping, not sitting outside in the dark." She managed a faint, uneasy sort of half-smile. "I apologize for dragging you here."
Kanji swallowed. "Naoto, I- -"
Naoto stared at him, eyes still red-rimmed and cheeks tinged pink under the lamplight. Her muscles tensed beneath his hand.
He'd expected to sound stupid, to not have enough words to hold everything he wanted to say. The problem was that he couldn't find any words at all.
Tonight was the worst time to put them both on the spot. Kanji looked away, knowing he was blushing and not caring. "I-I'm glad y'came over," he said instead, and gripped her shoulder a little more tightly.
30. Interlude 7
_A/N: Since I can't message them - a quick thank you to the people who commented last time but aren't registered on this site. Appreciated your comments and ideas nonetheless. (Same goes for all reviewers, of course, but I try to respond to each of you individually)_
_Story so far: The team defeated Namatame, but were left struggling with the aftermath - which, for Kanji, meant an unexpected and very oddly timed visit from Naoto._
_In this part: Naoto's night does not improve - but at least there's always Featherman._
* * *
Returning to her apartment was the smart course of action. Never leaving it in the first place would have been a smarter choice still.
Naoto had begun to tell herself this as she left the shrine, continued doing so after Kanji persuaded her to walk the short distance to Tatsumi Textiles - and, as she watched him mutter curses and fumble with the shop's locked door, wished she could actually believe it.
The lock finally clicked. Kanji pulled open the door and glanced over his shoulder. "You're gonna come in, yeah?"
She stared at him, knuckles white around the handle of her raised umbrella.
Go home. She would go home.
Unfortunately, Sukuna-Hikona did not agree. An insufferable buzzing began in the back of Naoto's mind, all revolving around how she had walked over here in the middle of the night already exhausted and was in no fit shape to walk back again. Naoto wondered if her Persona had been responsible for her coming here to start with - then realized Kanji was now staring at her and waiting for an answer. She gave a slight nod.
Kanji broke into a nervous grin, his relief palpable. Preferring not to consider the reasons why, she closed her umbrella and followed him into the store. Despite the darkness inside, he strode to the back of the shop without trouble and switched on the overhead lighting. Naoto's eyes were still sore from when she'd been- -from earlier, and they took a moment to adjust to the light.
This was her fourth visit to Tatsumi Textiles, more than enough to construct an accurate image of its layout. As she placed her umbrella in the stand, she subconsciously ticked off items in her mental catalogue: the display tables covered in blue cloth, the shelves and racks of fabric against the right wall, the hats and scarves hanging from pegs on the left. Everything was as she remembered - except for the shelf of stuffed and knitted animals barely visible behind one of the tables.
When Kanji had first told her about his sewing hobby - or rather, she'd hassled him into honesty - he'd requested she keep his secret. Naoto had obliged, and yet a month later the dolls were on open display in his mother's shop. Something had clearly changed.
"You - I, uh, I can get a towel." At the sound of his voice, Naoto looked over to Kanji. He gestured to the door at the back of the shop. "So you can get dry."
The drizzle was still falling outside. Drying herself off prior to walking home in the rain would be pointless. Coming here had been and continued to be pointless.
Naoto had just opened her mouth to speak (absolute refusal was the only sensible course) when the rear door opened. Since Kanji was standing in front of it, she couldn't see who'd walked through, but the voice made it immediately clear. "Kanji-chan, what on earth are you doing still up?"
Kanji pivoted. "S-sorry, Ma, I was - Naoto and me went out, s'all."
"Naoto-kun too?" Tatsumi-san peered around her son and met Naoto's eye. "It's far too late for you both to be wandering about."
"Ah. Tatsumi-san." Naoto tipped into an abrupt bow. "I sincerely apologize for the disturbance, I was just on my way- -"
"Home? At this time of night and in this weather?" Tatsumi-san clucked, ushering Kanji aside. "Don't be silly."
"B-but I-"
Her expression was gentle yet reproachful, a mixture that made Naoto feel like a five-year-old. "I can't imagine why you were out there to begin with! You boys have no common sense." She turned to Kanji. "Kanji-chan, go pull out the spare bedding. Naoto-kun, do you need to let your parents know where you are?"
A vague sense of panic had set in. Naoto floundered. "No, th-they aren't- -Tatsumi-san, I truly appreciate your generosity, but I - I -" _Think, Shirogane!_ "I - don't have any bedclothes. S-so of course, I must return to - "
As excuses went, it was terrible. Tatsumi-san remained unfazed. "Oh, Kanji-chan has plenty of pyjama sets." She looked Naoto up and down. "They'll be quite big on you, but it's only one night. Now, let's go upstairs, hmm?"
Naoto could devise another, better excuse. Dozens of them. But for all her lack of social understanding, she'd been raised with good manners. Genuinely refusing such an offer would be impolite…and even when Tatsumi-san had been scolding them, her eyes had looked kind. Kanji's own incongruous gentleness now made far more sense; an observation Naoto immediately shoved aside in favour of nodding and following Tatsumi-san up to the second floor.
Kanji was standing at the top of the stairs, clutching a stack of folded bedding and taking up most of the narrow hallway. "Where am I puttin' this?"
Tatsumi-san waved at the door immediately to her left. "Your room, dear."
Naoto blinked.
Kanji, ashen-faced and wide-eyed, appeared in danger of passing out. "My-my room?"
"Yes. You boys can share, can't you?"
After two abortive attempts at forming sentences, Naoto settled for the most eloquent response she could manage. "N-nonothat'snot - I'm- -"
"Naoto snores," Kanji blurted. "Bad. Like, rattling the windows."
This was a _complete_ lie. Naoto almost launched into an instinctive denial, before she realized that Kanji's mother appeared to be taking him at his word.
"Well, you'd better use the spare room, then," Tatsumi-san said, with a quiet sigh and a dubious expression. "Though it isn't as tidy as I'd like."
"I-I'll take care of it tomorrow," Kanji stammered. He made a sharp gesture toward the end of the hallway. "Go to bed, yeah?"
She slowly shook her head, an oddly indulgent smile playing over her lips. "Very well. Goodnight, dear. Sleep well, Naoto-kun," she added, then turned and walked down the hall, Kanji and Naoto both watching in silence.
It wasn't until the door to Tatsumi-san's room clicked shut that Naoto rounded on Kanji and leveled him with the sternest glare she could muster. "I do_ not_ snore."
"S-sorry. Hadta think quick," he said, voice low. He shifted the blankets and sheets under one arm, freeing the other to open the door to Naoto's right. "She doesn't know you're - - y'know."
Exactly _how_ Kanji's mother didn't know was a mystery that even Naoto couldn't fathom. Anyone running a small-town shop had to be privy to the rumour mill. Perhaps Tatsumi-san simply chose to believe what was easiest; precisely the attitude that had enabled Naoto to convince so many people for so long.
She shrugged her shoulders in an effort to relieve their tension. "I assume she'd be offended if I left."
"Prob'ly." Still standing in the doorway of the spare room, Kanji had fixed his gaze on what seemed to be a fascinating spot on the opposite wall. "And…I-I don't think y'should, anyway."
Naoto's stomach did a flip worthy of a gymnast. She glared at his socked feet. "…Why?"
Silence. An uncomfortably long one. Naoto refused to look up, but imagining his flustered expression was no challenge - except for the fact that she shouldn't be imagining Kanji Tatsumi at all. She tugged down the brim of her cap, simultaneously frustrated at the flare of heat across her face and grateful that Kanji's feet were unlikely to notice it.
Finally, he found a response. "Well…y-you ain't slept all night, dammit, and it's still raining. Don't worry, Ma won't bother you, I won't either - uh, n-not that I'd- -"
"Of course not," Naoto cut in.
"Yeah." He stepped inside the room, put down the bedding, and opened a cupboard on the far wall. "Lemme get this set up."
It was a task she could have easily performed alone. She wanted to tell Kanji as much, but swallowed the impulse; she was a guest. There were certain behaviours she needed to follow. He might take offence if she intervened in his preparations, improbable a prospect as that seemed.
Besides, he was being very thorough. Naoto had grown accustomed to sleeping on Western-style beds during her travels and chose to continue the trend in her Inaba apartment, but watching Kanji lay out the mattress and futon reminded her of earlier years spent living at her grandfather's estate. She'd made only brief visits there after turning thirteen; the heavy caseload she'd taken on since then precluded unnecessary distractions.
…Kanji was unnecessary. And very distracting.
The bedding assembled, he stood up. "Done. You need anything else?"
At some point, Naoto had begun biting her lip. It seemed suddenly important to say…_something_. "Kanji - -"
He frowned down at her, grey eyes wary. "What?"
Tired. She was tired, and emotional, and a hundred other things a professional detective had no business being. She cleared her throat. "You're supposed to lend me pyjamas."
"Oh! Right. Wait here a sec." He walked out into the hallway and opened his bedroom's door.
Not wanting to pry - or at least not wanting Kanji to catch her doing so - Naoto perched on a wooden chair in the corner of the room and rested her elbows on her thighs.
This entire night had been horribly disorientating. The shrine, most of all. Why had she asked Kanji to accompany her? If she'd gone there alone, nobody would have seen that she'd - - how tired she'd been, and was, and how perhaps such tiredness could make people behave in ways they normally didn't. Unprofessional ways which no-one else ought to witness. But Kanji had seemed like the best choice; the one person other than Souji whom Naoto could trust not to judge her. More than that, he was- -
Naoto sat up and ran her hand over her face. She was sleep-deprived. Everything would make sense in the morning.
"Uh. I got 'em." Kanji walked back in the room and practically threw at her whatever he'd been holding.
She looked down, inspecting the bundle that had landed in her lap. Pyjamas, as expected. Naoto hadn't, however, anticipated the bunny rabbits. White ones, hopping across the blue fabric of the shirt and pants - both of which looked far too big. But Kanji had over thirty centimeters and at least as many kilos on her; any clothes he could provide would make her Shadow's lab-coat appear custom-tailored.
"Oh. Thank you," she said.
For some reason, Kanji did not appreciate the response. "Don't laugh, alright?" he muttered, folding his arms and shooting an irritated glare at the futon. "S'hard to find stuff that fits me an' I had the fabric anyway an' I figured you like blue and - -"
"No, it's the size. They're too large, I'll look ridiculous."
"No you won't," Kanji blurted, then flushed a spectacular shade of red. "I-I mean, they're - just pyjamas."
…This was intolerable. Trapped in someone else's house, being forced to borrow his clothing, when just being around him inexplicably made you feel secure and uncomfortable at the same time and didn't that mean- -
Naoto shot up from the chair, pyjamas clutched to her chest. "I-I appreciate the loan, nonetheless."
"S'fine. I-I don't wear that stuff often anyway. Shorts and t-shirts are easier and- " Midway through recounting his choice of bedroom attire, Kanji stopped short and attacked his hair with one hand. "Uh, yeah! So thass cool. G'night." With that, he turned to leave.
"Kanji-kun, wait."
He stopped in the doorway and turned halfway, one hand gripping the frame. "…Yeah?"
There were many possible responses here, such as _please assist me in escaping out the window _or _I preferred my empty apartment to your insane mother - _but Naoto, exhausted and resigned to her fate, settled on the simplest. "Um...thank you. For - for earlier."
Kanji gave a strange sort of smile; nervous and pleased and awkward, all at once. "S'nothing," he mumbled, and left the room.
* * *
_The floor was littered with bodies. Corpses. An investigation was therefore required._
_Naoto stepped carefully around the first (face-down, silver-grey hair soaked scarlet) while keeping a careful eye on the second and third (small, a child in a stained pink dress; long-limbed, metal piercings barely visible under blood). _
_There were others, too (four, five, six) but they were dangling in the air like puppets. Two of them were clutching broken corpses of their own. Presumably they were conducting separate investigations. Naoto raised her hand to tip her cap - a sign to them that she would not interfere - and realized she was still holding her revolver._
_The grip felt warm. The barrel was still too hot to touch. She opened the chamber; three bullets were missing._
_Something sharp and terrible seared through her chest, as if a spike had been driven clean through. _
_Why had she -_
_Seta. He'd deserved it. Seta was everything: competent, calm, charismatic. Controlled. Naoto's sudden flare of anger almost - almost - overwhelmed the guilt. Seta had no Shadow, Seta had never been unraveled in front of his peers, Seta had - - been trying to help her.
_
_Unwilling to look at him any longer - and equally desperate not to acknowledge the other two bodies at all - Naoto turned around. _
_There were two figures behind her (footsteps, she should have listened for footsteps). Both were vague and shapeless, but as the fog cleared and the smell of scorched flesh filled the air, they somehow became achingly familiar. Her mother and father. They could fix this. _
_...But why were they burning?_
_Of course. The car had caught fire after the crash. Careless of her not to remember, when she'd enacted the scene so many times in her head. _
_Head spinning, Naoto tried to focus on each of them in turn, uncertain whether they were burned beyond recognition or she could simply no longer remember their faces. The one on her left - her mother? - was the first to speak. **You failed, Naoto.**_
_Naoto's throat felt impossibly tight. Why had she failed? Where had the fault occurred? She could untangle and trace back the threads, isolate the most significant factors – procrastination, distraction with trivialities, her pathetic attempts to ally herself with others -
_
_- -But in the end, they all led back to the same conclusion._
_Her father - shriveled flesh on scorched bones - gripped her shoulders, and his fingers seared through her uniform. **You were never good enough**._
_The barrel of the revolver was still too hot, burning metal pressed against her right temple. Naoto stared up at her father, her finger on the trigger, and -_
* * *
She couldn't move. It was unbearably hot, she kept hiccuping and shaking, Sukuna-Hikona was squawking so loud she could hear nothing else - and her limbs refused to move. Disorientated, Naoto took an embarrassing long time to realize she was simply tangled in the blankets.
Her hands were trembling, so disentangling herself completely proved impossible, but she managed to free her arms. She curled up on her side, mind racing - Where was she? Why wasn't she at her apartment? Why was she _still_ hiccuping? - and tried to calm Sukuna-Hikona. She soon realized he was attempting to do the same for her, buzzing answers to her questions: she was at Kanji Tatsumi's house, she'd walked here in the night to talk to him, and the hiccups were actually sobs.
The final answer was accompanied by a sick rush of alarm. Naoto tensed, blinking furiously, and tried to force her breathing under control.
…Why was she crying? Sukuna-Hikona refused to answer, and as vague images of blood and fire flashed through her mind, he grew increasingly panicked.
Clearly she'd been dreaming. More than that, she'd been sobbing in her sleep. Naoto's typical response would have been a harsh self-rebuke - but instead she pressed her palms against her eyes in an attempt to stem the tears. They were finally easing up, a less agitated Sukuna-Hikona possibly aiding the process, when the door to the room creaked open.
She froze, hands still covering her eyes.
"Hey...Naoto." Kanji's voice was rough, low, and unwelcome. "You okay?"
Naoto wasn't sure what was worse: the fact that she was so distressed over a dream she couldn't even remember, or that Kanji would witness her crying twice in one night. Feigning sleep was the best solution - but when another hiccup visibly shook her, she gulped and tried to steady her voice. "F-Fine. Why are you here?"
"Thought I heard somethin', thass all. Don't get fussy."
"G-Go back to bed," she muttered, curling up even tighter. The click of the lamp and creaking of the wooden chair suggested that Kanji had done completely the opposite.
He'd have to leave soon. Unlike his mother, he was under no illusion about Naoto's physical sex, rendering his presence entirely inappropriate. She kept her eyes covered, ignored the tears still leaking from them, and waited for the sound of footsteps.
Almost a full minute passed before he broke the silence. "I-I was dreaming bad stuff earlier." Naoto heard him grunt and shift in his seat. "Hell, the others prob'ly are too. Rough night. So you ain't the only one, right?"
"I w-wasn't," she shot back, but the tremble in her voice made the lie sound absurd even to her. Besides, he deserved better. "I-I mean - I was - but it wasn't that bad."
When Kanji spoke again, after a protracted pause, his voice was even lower. "In my dream, we were all fighting Namatame again. Was like before, everyone gettin' hit by that beam, only Yosuke and Rise got zapped too. Souji-senpai and me had t'take all of you down. Lightning, fire, the whole deal. Except - w-we couldn't get any of you back up afterwards. Nothin' worked." The last part was little more than a choked whisper, and Naoto felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy. "Senpai, he just kept saying it was all my fault, I'd gone too far. I-I remember tryin' to explain, but he - he wouldn't even look at me. Then…I woke up."
"Oh."
"So, yeah. Shitty dream." Kanji let out a long breath. "Not trying to get you to spill yours, just - - y'know."
...Continuing the conversation with her hands over her eyes would be unproductive. Naoto used them to untangle herself further from the blankets, enabling her to sit up, which left her directly facing Kanji. He didn't meet her gaze. Looking closely, he'd tangled the long sleeves of his t-shirt in his fists.
"I strongly doubt the others blame you for what happened during the battle," she insisted. "I - I don't. You prevented me from -" The sentence stopped short. Her mouth was open but her lips refused to work, until she swallowed and forced herself to finish. "F-From killing Souji-senpai."
"An' you helped me do it, 'cause you didn't wanna hurt him. Not for real." Kanji leaned forward, pressing his palms hard against his knees and drawing her attention to the vivid bruises on his calves. "_Nobody_ did."
Naoto wanted to believe him. But she remembered too well what Namatame's light had done, the white-hot rage and bitter jealousy it had ripped out of her - and despite Sukuna-Hikona's best efforts to hurl them aside, the jumbled images finally clicked into place. This was what she'd been dreaming about. Hating Souji even as he and Kanji and Nanako all lay dead at her feet, _knowing_ it was her fault - and then her parents had- -
The squawking this time was closer to screeching. Naoto clapped her hands over her ears and pressed them hard against her head. Kanji was saying something, she couldn't make out what - and then he was kneeling down opposite her, grey eyes wide with concern.
His unanticipated proximity distracted her and Sukuna-Hikona in equal measure. As her Persona quieted, Naoto dropped her hands to her sides.
Kanji was studying her. "You alright?"
_Fine_, Naoto intended to say. Instead, everything she'd been thinking tumbled out at once. "It's - Souji-senpai, he's - I don't know if I can face him. I've let him down so badly, Kanji, I failed to help Nanako-chan and then I tried to -"
...What was she _doing_? She bit her lip hard and tried to make a mental note to avoid any and all human contact while sleep-deprived, but Sukuna-Hikona kept buzzing in disapproval. "I'm sorry. I'm repeating myself."
"S'okay. And your lip's bleeding again." Before she could respond, Kanji stood up, opened one of the dresser drawers and pulled out a handkerchief. Kneeling down again, he handed it to her.
Naoto pressed it against her lip and managed a muffled, "Thank you."
He shrugged aggressively. "Don't want blood on my pyjamas, thass all."
…Of course. What other reason would there be? Naoto stared down at her borrowed, over-sized shirt, absently counting bunnies - then paused.
As always, she'd taken off her binder to sleep. It was impossible to breathe otherwise. But that meant -
She quickly drew her knees up to her chest and huddled into the blankets.
Kanji frowned at her. "Cold?"
"No. You can go back to your room now."
"S'almost six already. Ain't worth it. Uh, unless you think you could sleep?"
A well-delivered lie would get rid of him. He had no right being here to begin with, especially not when she was stuck in clothing that made her look and feel nothing like herself. She would simply - -
_(don't-fight-always-fighting-always-do-things-we-don't-want)_
Naoto's first mistake was bothering to listen to Sukuna-Hikona. The second was looking Kanji in the eye.
She shook her head.
Kanji responded with a firm nod. "Not worth leavin', then."
Sukuna-Hikona buzzed again, now sounding content; possibly even smug. Naoto let it slide, unwilling to upset him again after such a trying night.
Though the need to calm her Persona was new, she was no stranger to nightmares. In recent years, they'd centered around the more disturbing cases she'd worked on; Kobe in particular. Given her dire performance so far, Inaba risked being added to the list.
The night terrors she'd had as a child after the loss of her parents had been even more intense and frequent. Discordant flashes of an accident she hadn't even witnessed, of her mother and father dying in a tangle of fire and metal - and later on, images of her grandfather's cold disdain if he ever found her out. Detectives - more importantly, Shiroganes - did not wake up shaking and crying from nightmares. Naoto, five years old and already stubborn, had vowed to never tell him.
But Yakushiji's rooms had been directly below her own. The first time he'd heard her sobbing in the small hours of the morning, he'd walked up to her bedroom, sat with her until she'd calmed down to quiet sniffling, then picked one of her Featherman DVDs from its shelf. With the dreams occurring so frequently, this had soon become a ritual; one which she had made Yakushiji promise not to divulge to Grampa. Featherman rangers - and Shiroganes - weren't afraid of anything.
In an absurdly childish moment, Naoto wondered whether the show might be on now.
"The White Kestrel," she muttered.
She'd spoken without thinking. Kanji looked rightfully confused. "Uh?"
Naoto hesitated, but opted for honesty. "A while ago. You - you asked which Featherman ranger I wanted to be. I wanted to be the White Kestrel."
After a brief pause - as if he were seriously evaluating her response - Kanji shrugged. "S'cool. I mean, he was on the wrong side at first, but he got it right in the end. Gave the Red Hawk a run for his money."
...Kanji clearly had more than a passing knowledge of the franchise. Naoto glanced down at her shirt again, briefly debating whether to tell him that Junes sold Featherman pyjamas which were of acceptable quality and very comfortable - then shrank into her blanket, hoping the light was dim enough to hide her blush.
Kanji didn't seem to notice. "Hey…one of the shows might be on right now. It's Sunday, they put all that kinda stuff on early in the morning."
It was a simple, stupid suggestion - there was no point in watching a show made for small children, at least not with witnesses - but something in it caught Naoto's attention, and looking at Kanji suddenly became impossible. "No, it's fine," she insisted. "But I - I appreciate the suggestion."
"Okay." Naoto couldn't gauge his expression, being preoccupied with staring at the floor, but he sounded disappointed.
"We could go downstairs and make tea," she suggested. "I'd - prefer to sit somewhere else."
Kanji's eyes widened, as if he'd just realized exactly where he was, and with whom. He jumped to his feet and backed out the door. "Y-yeah! Good idea. You - uh, I'll go get it started!"
He didn't bother to tread softly. As he crashed downstairs, Naoto wriggled out of the blankets and picked up her folded school uniform, hoping Kanji's mother wasn't a light sleeper.
31. Chapter 24
_A/N: Longer between chapters than I had hoped. I wish I could say it was all due to Mass Effect 3._
_Story so far: Naoto spent the night in the Tatsumis' spare room, in over-sized bunny pyjamas; a situation Kanji took remarkably well._
_In this part: Naoto tries to bridge the gaps, Chie's collecting bottlecaps - and Kanji, provoked, finally snaps._
_(...I also wish that awful rhyme had been fully intentional)_
* * *
**November**** 20****th****, ****2011 **
Looking back, Kanji was amazed he hadn't hyperventilated - or worse, bled all over the spare room. Sheer exhaustion must've taken the edge off his nervousness. That damn nightmare, too; in retrospect, trying to support Naoto had been as much for his benefit as hers. He'd been a mess straight afterwards, trying and failing to convince himself that the Souji in his dream had everything wrong, until all he'd wanted was to be around someone else, just as a distraction.
The feeling hadn't fully passed. Good thing Rise was on hand.
"I can't eat all this!" She glared first at her bowl of rice and beef, then at Otsuka standing at the opposite end of Aiya's counter. "Otsuka-san's trying to make me fat."
Otsuka waved her off with a snort. "Rainy days always mean more food - and besides, you were skin and bones in that soda advert! Do you good to fill out a little."
"My manager's not gonna see it that way!" Rise paused and looked down at her bowl again. "I mean, he wouldn't have, before. I'm giving half of this to you, Kanji-kun."
"Sure," Kanji mumbled. Rise deserved his attention - going by what she'd said on the way back from the hospital, she must've had a rough night too - but his mind kept drifting elsewhere. Or more precisely, somewhere around six o'clock that morning.
Shit, why had he suggested Featherman? Way to be a five-year-old, Tatsumi. Naoto probably thought he was a idiot. And what had he been thinking, barging in on her? Lying in bed, listening to something that sounded far too much like sobbing, the decision had felt wrenchingly obvious. Eight hours and a mid-morning nap later, it seemed insane. Hell, she'd told him to get lost soon as he walked in the room.
…But she'd seemed calmer afterwards. The raw images from his own nightmare had faded too. He liked to think it'd helped them both.
Something hard hit his elbow. "C'mon, Kanji-kun, are you gonna take some of this or not?"
He glanced down at the bowl Rise was shoving against his arm. "Quit griping," he said, plucking out a beef strip with his chopsticks. "Why's it matter how much you eat if you're not goin' back?"
She shrugged and pulled the bowl back toward her. "Maybe I should keep my options open. You know, now that everything's over. Souji-senpai said he'd- -" The sentence stopped, and she fidgeted against the counter stool. "I-I guess it doesn't matter really. But this is still way too much food."
Idols weren't Kanji's thing. He hadn't even heard of Risette before June. On discovering this, Yosuke - a proud Risetteer - had accused him of living under a rock then given him a flash drive full of MP3s. Kanji had made it through five tracks before giving up. But he had to give Rise some credit; not only did she get fan letters months after quitting, she still practically had her own section in the Junes entertainment department. Whatever she'd been doing, whatever she'd created in Risette, people loved it.
"When y'got back to Inaba," he mumbled between mouthfuls. "I know you had a bunch going on…but did you really wanna quit?"
"Totally. None of it felt right anymore."
"And now you're thinking about doing it all over?" He twirled a thick wad of noodles around his chopsticks. "I don't get it."
"Sometimes things happen that don't make sense," she said, leaning over and dropping another strip of beef in his bowl. "Like Naoto-kun throwing stuff at your window last night."
The noodle-clump wedged itself in his throat.
"And then, both of you wandering off together in the pouring rain!" Rise waggled her eyebrows. "Where'd you go?"
Kanji spluttered unhappily, finally managed to swallow, then snapped, "You were s'posed to be sleeping!"
"I couldn't at first. I didn't fall asleep until after I saw you guys leave." With a quiet sigh, Rise leant forward and rested her chin on her hand. "Honestly, I figured Naoto-kun had finally snapped. Who goes out after midnight to break windows?"
"She wasn't trying to - dammit, don't go spying on us!"
Rise grinned at him. "_Us_?"
Heat rushed to his cheeks. Kanji tried to hide it by growling and viciously attacking his noodles.
She was still staring at him, though. He could feel the smirk, and when she finally spoke again it was almost a relief. "So…did the dashing Detective Prince lure innocent Kan-chan back to her apartment?"
"No, she stayed at -" Kanji stopped and scowled. "Somewhere else, and if you don't wipe that look off your face I am gonna dump this bowl on your damn head."
Either Rise didn't believe him or she didn't care. Her grin grew even more smug, and he might've followed through with his threat - Otsuka-san would forgive him, the floor needed cleaning anyway - if not for the figure who walked up beside them.
Yukiko dipped her head, first at him, then at Rise. "Hello, Kanji-kun, Rise-chan."
It took Kanji a moment to answer, mostly because he'd expected Rise to get there first. "Hey, Yukiko-senpai. You, uh, ain't here to eat, are you?" He hoped not, given she was in her inn getup. Meat bowls and kimonos were a terrible combination.
The smile she gave him didn't quite look like one. "No, of course not! Just running errands. Your mother said you were here, so I wanted to-" She hesitated, gaze switching to a nondescript spot on the counter. "It's just - did Souji contact you today?"
"Yeah. Texted 'bout two hours ago."
"Oh. What did he say?"
"Asked if I wanted to visit Nanako-chan tomorrow." In keeping with Senpai's usual texting style, the whole message had been five words long. _Only telegrams charge by the letter,_ Yosuke had once complained - but right now, Kanji couldn't fault Souji his brevity.
"…That's good."
He'd never been good at conversation, particularly ones that felt wrong from the start. The silence that followed was deeply uncomfortable. Kanji glanced at Rise, hoping she'd break it, but she was staring at the shelves of bowls and bottles behind the counter.
"I'd better get back to the inn," Yukiko finally said, turning toward the door. She made it two steps before she paused and glanced back at him. "Um, Kanji-kun - could you please let me or Chie know how Nanako-chan's doing?"
"Yeah, sure. Bye, Senpai."
Even after Yukiko had pulled her umbrella from the stand and walked out into the rain, Rise still stayed quiet. Just kept poking at her food, pushing it around the bowl without ever raising her chopsticks.
Kanji frowned at her. "Y'didn't say anything."
Her smile looked even worse than Yukiko's. "I don't talk _all_ the time! Just most of it." She tipped her bowl toward him. "You want more of this?"
He shook his head. Didn't have the appetite to finish his own meal. "Thought you got along with Yukiko-senpai, s'all."
Rise shrugged her shoulders. It looked practiced, and totally unconvincing. Sometimes, she was a lousy actress - or maybe Kanji just knew better. The senpai had still seemed a little wary of him weeks after he'd joined the team; Rise had won them over with one smile. She'd started using Himiko to talk inside their heads on only her second TV trip, and nobody had objected since - or ever bothered to ask exactly how much she could hear.
"This 'bout what happened in that fight?" he asked.
Rise glanced at him, her brow slightly knitted, then stared down at the counter. "People aren't always what they seem, Kanji-kun, not inside," she said, in a much lower voice. "I know that better than most. So should you."
* * *
**November 21****st****, 2011**
Much as he'd wanted to call or text Naoto on Sunday - just to see how she was doing, of course - working up enough guts had proved impossible. Monday, Kanji decided, would be different. Provided he could find her.
The fog had rolled in overnight, thick and grey, and hadn't cleared up by noon. Naoto wouldn't spend the lunch-break outside in that, but she wasn't in her classroom either. When she'd pulled a vanishing act in the week after the festival, he'd searched the whole damn school twice over; this time, he figured he'd play it smart and ask people if they'd seen her instead. It wasn't as easy as it sounded. The first two kids he asked scurried away soon as he approached them, while the third stammered at him for a full five seconds before saying no, he hadn't seen Shirogane today. The fourth was Ayane Matsunaga, who was at least willing to talk to Kanji. Kind of.
"I-I did see Shirogane-kun," she informed the floor - but since she hadn't quite looked Kanji in the eye since the shower incident, he cut her some slack. "She was going up the third floor stairs. T-To the rooftop."
Kanji's first thought was, why would anyone want to sit out in the fog? But this was Naoto, who marched across town in rainstorms and claimed gale force winds helped her think. Hell, maybe fog cheered her up. "Got it. Thanks, Matsunaga," he said. Ayane's cheeks flared beet-red and she seemed more fascinated by the floor than ever, so he took that as his cue to head up to the roof.
When he opened the door at the top of stairs, the air immediately seemed thicker, like the fog was drifting into the stairwell. Glancing around, he could only spot two hazy figures in the grey. The first was that weird third year girl fiddling with her makeshift weather station; the second, slightly further away, was Naoto. She was staring intently through the fence at what, to Kanji, looked like empty space.
He walked nearer, making sure to tread a little harder in case she hadn't heard the stairwell door. "Yo, Naoto."
"Kanji-kun." Naoto didn't turn her head, but even in profile he could see the mix of confusion and caution in her expression.
Shit, had he done something wrong? Was she pissed off over what'd happened at his house? Had she thought about it even half as much as he had? A dozen questions burning in his mind, Kanji's mouth tried to ask all of them at once. "You - uh, you're okay now, right? S-sorry I barged in, wasn't thinkin', are you - but you were dreamin', I-"
Naoto frowned at him. He couldn't tell whether she was frustrated or just trying to translate whatever he'd said. "Your behavior provided no cause for alarm," she told him, quick and clipped. "I chose to visit you, and- -" She shook her head, attention focused back on the fence, or the murky grey beyond it. "This fog. Has it happened before?"
"How d'you mean? S'always foggy after we bring someone back."
"The fog after my kidnapping vanished scarcely an hour after dawn. This seems different. And that bothers me, particularly if it is breaking a consistent trend."
Kanji's memories of the fog were dominated by the deep relief he'd felt when the skies had finally cleared. It seemed like that'd always happened early in the morning…but it was hard to be certain. "Dunno. Sorry. Don't think it was as bad as this, though."
Naoto pressed her closed fist against her lips, apparently lost in thought. At least she didn't look disappointed. But, now that he thought about it, wasn't there something weird about this fog?
"It would be helpful if I hadn't joined your cause so late," she said. Her gaze snapped back toward him. "What was your Shadow like?"
Kanji froze, mid-aneurysm.
Shit, where had _that_ come from? Nobody liked talking about their Shadows. Yosuke liked talking about Kanji's, because Yosuke was frequently a grade-A asshole, but even he restricted himself to lewd hints and he almost never mentioned his own. You didn't have to discuss your Shadow, and you didn't put others on the spot about theirs. Unspoken rule of the team - which Naoto apparently hadn't picked up on.
In the one fragment of his mind that wasn't spinning in wild panic, Kanji decided this wasn't surprising.
"Kanji-kun? I asked-"
"I-I-wh-why the hell're you askin' something like _that_?"
"I - the thought struck me, last night, that I have not witnessed anyone else's Shadow save Namatame's." Naoto had started talking faster, in an apparent attempt to either get everything out before Kanji could interrupt or just fluster him into submission. "Yukiko-senpai provided a brief description of hers, but given that my own was observed by you all I believe it would be fairer if- -"
"M-mine was nothin' special! Nothin' at all!" he blurted, with a wild swipe toward the fence. The eyebrow Naoto quirked at him in response somehow made everything even worse. "An' if Hanamura tells you any diff'rent, he's lying, got it?"
There was a long, dangerous pause before she spoke again.
"Of course…he would have been present during your confrontation. As would the other senpai." Her expression had shifted into something terrifyingly curious. "And Teddie."
Holy crap. She _wouldn't_.
Except she would, because she wouldn't ever be able to stand not knowing something, especially if there was an obvious route to find out. The interrogation over the dolls had proved that. And if she went and asked Yosuke or Ted…
"Y-You just got done with one investigation, dammit, don't start another!" Kanji half-snapped, half-begged. "It ain't important!"
No way would she agree. Even as he spoke, he knew he'd have to take preemptive action. Busy debating whether he could actually bring himself to throw Teddie through a wall (Yosuke was no question), Kanji almost missed the sudden flash of…_something_ across Naoto's face. It looked like guilt - or maybe disappointment.
"I'm sorry. I-I suppose - facing my Shadow was - -" She hesitated, shoulders tensing, and tipped down the brim of her cap. "Your reticence is wholly explicable."
…Dammit.
Crushing on someone for half a year made arguing with them really damn difficult, particularly when just looking at them too long made you go gooey and giddy and a bunch of other seriously unmanly adjectives. Kanji felt like he'd kicked a kitten. If she'd heard him think that, Naoto probably would've kicked him for real - but instead she was staring at the fence again, one hand still fussing with her cap.
He grimaced, scratching his chin. Yukiko had fessed up, meaning he'd be a total wuss for not doing the same - and if he lied, he'd be even worse. Besides, Naoto had a point. Only the senpai had seen the emotional wreckage cluttering up Kanji's head; hers had been broadcast to the whole team, and maybe all the extra people who'd started watching the Midnight Channel too. But how did you explain a guy prancing around a bathhouse in a fundoshi without it sounding like the obvious? Six months on, and no matter how hard he'd been trying to accept his doubts, Kanji still had trouble explaining it to himself.
"Mine…h-had problems with girls," he mumbled, trying not to cringe. "Lots of 'em."
Naoto blinked up at him. "…Problems?"
"B-But it ain't what it seems! I-I mean - I - dammit!" His hand had automatically moved to the back of his neck. Maybe he should just throttle himself now and be done with it - no, wouldn't work, Naoto was still staring at him. Kanji let out a sigh. "Okay, m-maybe some of it was - but I think it was about more than just that, y'know? Liking sewing and cooking and all that kinda crap…h-how I figured nobody would ever accept me because of it. Maybe how I couldn't accept myself, I dunno."
Naoto didn't say anything at first. Just kept looking at him. Finally - and a split-second before he launched into another stumbling justification - she gave a brief nod. "Hence hiding the dolls."
"Yeah."
"You must have made progress. I noticed the display in your mother's shop."
"Souji-senpai's idea," Kanji shot back, instantly regretting it. Naoto had almost sounded impressed.
"Of course," she said, quick and smooth. "I intend to question Rise on her confrontation too."
One conversation Kanji planned to skip. He'd accidentally let the strip club part slip to Naoto back in the Secret Base, but that'd probably been the least disturbing thing about Rise's Shadow. "Ask her at the hospital this afternoon and she'll get too freaked out to feel sad."
Naoto's frown looked almost wary. "The hospital?"
He nodded. "Gonna go see Nanako-chan. Souji-senpai texted me 'bout it yesterday, Rise's comin' along."
"…At Souji-senpai's suggestion?"
Weird question; as if Kanji would ever gatecrash. "Yeah," he said - and realization hit. "Oh. Didn't ask you, did he."
"No," Naoto said, averting her eyes.
"Damn. Sorry."
"I doubt he asked Chie-senpai or Yukiko-senpai either." Naoto's voice had gone quiet, and she turned to stare at the fence again. "I - had intended to consult with him about this fog, but…" Trailing off, she folded her arms tightly against her chest.
Kanji knew Senpai didn't really mean any of it, and that he'd get over this with the team's help. Didn't stop Kanji from wanting to shake him by the shoulders - but thoughts like that didn't help anyone. Instead, Kanji followed the trend he'd set for the past six months and focused squarely on Naoto. "Hey…you, uh, have lunch yet? I-I brought too much." It was a lie, but anyone her size would barely make a dent in his ramen and beef. "Could eat up here, Souji-senpai likes t'do that with-" He stopped, catching himself. "Well, s'a good place to sit."
That was a lie too, at least right now. Eating lunch in the fog would usually be outright depressing. But looking down at Naoto - sharp grey-blue eyes, one hand now on her hip, with that little pull in her shoulder-blades that made her seem ever-so-slightly taller - it sounded like one of Kanji's best ideas ever.
She tipped her head a little. "...I have no objections."
Practically a ringing endorsement, given the source. Kanji couldn't help grinning. "I'll go grab my bento."
* * *
By the end of school, the fog still hadn't cleared. This kind of weather had turned Kanji's stomach since April - partly because of what had happened to Yamano and Saki, and partly because of what _could've_ happened if they hadn't pulled everyone out in time. And then there was October, when the fog had rolled in, he'd looked up at the telephone wires above the district, and Naoto had been- -
Except that hadn't happened. Must've dreamt that part. Kanji shook his head; he was tired from the fight in the castle, that was all. Still felt like he'd been thrown down a flight of stairs, probably because he had been.
Something else was off, though. This fog felt different, almost like he'd choke on it if he breathed in too deep, and the temperature had dropped at least five degrees overnight. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket, wishing he'd thought to bring his gloves and trying to ignore the strange bitter taste on his tongue.
If not for Souji and Nanako, he'd have stayed home. Everyone else clearly had, since the bus stop was almost deserted. Just some dude in a business suit, Kanji, and Rise - shivering beside him, wrapped in what looked like three different layers of clothing and trying to tap out a text message while wearing purple mittens. She kept frowning at her phone; the little punctuation faces were probably coming out all wrong. "I bet Souji-senpai's already at the hospital," she said. "I've gotta let him know we're stuck here. I know the buses run late sometimes, but this is nuts!"
No wonder. In this weather, the bus driver wouldn't be able to see more than ten meters ahead. "Relax. Senpai ain't going anywhere."
"I just don't want him to be there alone." Rise's thumb had stopped jabbing at her phone. "He didn't come to school today. I checked."
Even after their toughest runs inside the TV, Souji-senpai always showed up for class. He'd spent months drilling it into Kanji to do the same. "Maybe he went to the hospital early, see his uncle as well as Nanako-chan."
She shook her head. "I dunno, Kanji-kun. He's been- -"
The sentence stopped short. Kanji waited a few seconds for her to finish it before realizing she was watching the guy in the suit, who was standing a few meters away. He'd struck Kanji as a little odd - kept mumbling to himself and glancing around the fog - but the way Rise was staring at him was all wrong. Like she was seeing something else completely. When Kanji nudged her in the side, she almost jumped.
"You alright?" he asked.
Still shivering, Rise kept her gaze on the businessman. "Something isn't right." With a sharp shake of her head, she looked back at Kanji, and chuckled. "I think I'm hearing things. Crazy, huh?"
Kanji paused. Nothing about that statement was good, and everything about the way Rise had said it sounded horribly desperate.
…She was just stressed out. Probably been sleeping as badly as the rest of the team. "Only crazy thing is you worrying so much," he said, and pointed to the phone still in her hand. "An' if you don't finish that text, we'll be at the hospital before y'even send it."
Rise blinked down at her cell, as if realizing she was still holding it, then offered Kanji a lightning smile. "Yeah, you're right. Can't leave Souji-senpai hanging, can I?"
* * *
The night she'd arrived at the hospital, the doctors hadn't let anyone but Souji and his uncle in to Nanako's room. After seeing her today, Kanji was grateful - because if he'd gone in back then, Naoto might've been the one yelling at _him_ to get his shit together.
He leaned forward in the hard plastic chair, elbows resting on his knees, and wiped his hand over his face. He wasn't crying - blubbing in a hospital corridor wouldn't help Nanako, or do anything except make him look like an idiot - but dammit if he wasn't close. She'd just been lying there, in a bed that looked ten sizes too big, and everything had been too white: walls, sheets, doctors' coats, all the same. Nanako had somehow looked even paler.
Kanji had done all of this five years ago. Shouldn't it be easier a second time round?
Old memories stirred in the back of his head, his mind plucking out choice moments: when Konishi-san had found him playing by the river with Naoki and told him his dad had taken ill; when they'd arrived at the hospital and spent fifteen minutes just trying to find the right damn room; and when the doctor had come out and told them it didn't matter anyway, not anymore.
He'd lost his old man without the chance to do or say a damn thing. Maybe it'd been the same way for Naoto. Kanji hadn't brought the topic up. You didn't ask a question like that, especially when you wouldn't ever want to answer.
Take-Mikazuchi was rumbling wordlessly, the general gist being that his human self should man up and that the present had nothing to do with the past. The fact that the Persona was intervening at all wasn't a good sign, given he usually made so little noise. Kanji sat in silence, trying hard to convince himself the big lunk was right, until Souji walked out of Nanako's room.
He closed the door behind him and sat down next to Kanji. "I didn't say this earlier, but thanks for coming."
"Don't have to thank me, Senpai. Where's Hanamura?"
"Rescheduled stock-check at Junes. He said he'd drop by the house with Teddie later."
Kanji's eyebrows arched. "Why's he working? His arm's still messed up."
"Try telling him that," Souji said. It should've sounded irritated. It didn't sound like much of anything.
"What 'bout the girls?"
Souji leaned back in his chair - far too stiff to be casual - and settled his gaze on the opposite wall. "You came here with Rise."
Kanji winced.
However difficult seeing Nanako had been for him, it would've been a dozen times harder on her cousin - but how much did that really have to do with the way he was treating half the team? _People aren't always what they seem_, Rise had said. Souji seemed to believe it.
"Naoto said somethin' earlier, and - I-I don't get it, Senpai." Kanji shifted against his chair, suddenly nervous - but why would he ever feel that way around Souji? "You're okay with Ted, and he- -"
"Ted's got the mind of a four year old. He had no idea what he was doing."
The edge in his tone turned Kanji's stomach. Souji had gotten exasperated at some of the team before, even angry, but he'd never sounded disdainful. "The others didn't either."
"I wouldn't know. Rise still won't tell me what she heard from them back in the fight." Souji's mouth curled into a painful, ironic half-smile. "Pretty revealing in itself."
Rise, far as Kanji knew, wasn't telling anyone the full story. And if she wouldn't even spill it to Senpai…
He shook his head. "Magic screws people up. It's made all of us do weird shit before."
For a moment, Souji didn't respond. He stared back at the wall again, jaw tightening.
"Not like that," he eventually said. It wasn't much more than a whisper. "I saw the look in their eyes, Kanji. You did too. How can you trust someone after that?"
Kanji had seen them, alright. They'd looked terrified. Chie, Teddie, Yukiko, Naoto, all with exactly the same frozen look of horror. But he'd just been an obstruction, not the one they'd so single-mindedly tried to harm. Had Souji seen something different?
…Shit, this was stupid. Unable to sit still any longer, Kanji stood up, stomped over to the window, and smacked his palms against the sill. "What, you gonna just avoid 'em? You're better than that, Senpai!"
"Doesn't matter. Everything's over." Souji's steel-grey gaze was numb, and unnerving. "I don't need to try with them anymore. There's nothing to gain."
For a moment, Kanji could do nothing but blink at him. "…What?"
Souji rose from his seat in place of an answer. "I'm going to get some water. Want a cup?"
Dumbly, Kanji shook his head.
"Fair enough." Souji turned and walked away, hands shoved in his trouser pockets. Watching him turn down a right-hand corridor, Kanji wondered if he should've said something else, or if there had been a right response to begin with.
Nothing to gain from _what_?
"Good afternoon, Kanji-kun."
He whirled around to see Naoto a few meters behind him, standing at the junction with the corridor that led to the elevators. It suddenly seemed like a good thing Souji had left.
"Uh…s'up," Kanji said, nodding to her. "Senpai asked you to come after all?"
He'd needed to ask, just to make certain - and he wanted to have been wrong - but Naoto's answer didn't surprise him at all. "No." She stepped closer, one hand gripping the opposite arm. "I was not invited to attend."
"Yeah. He's uh, you know."
Her grip tightened, fingers pressed firmly against the sleeve of her school jacket. "But still, I-I thought perhaps-"
"Naoto-kun."
Glancing over his shoulder, Kanji saw Souji standing rigid at the opposite end of the corridor, a plastic cup in each hand - and his stomach sank.
Naoto straightened and clasped her hands behind her back, equally stiff. "Senpai. I came to see Nanako-chan."
"She's worn out." Souji had walked closer, but not by much. A gap of at least three meters stretched between him and Naoto, with Kanji caught in the middle.
Staying quiet would've been smartest. But when had Kanji ever let that bother him? "Rise's still in there, Senpai," he said, voice as steady and calm as he could make it. "No harm if Naoto goes in too."
The look Souji gave him was one Kanji didn't recognize: distant yet troubled at the same time. It lasted scarcely a moment before Souji glanced at Naoto instead. "You could come back another day," he said, and turned away without waiting for a response.
As she watched Souji open the door to Nanako's room and walk inside, Kanji watched her in turn, trying to decode her expression - or lack of one.
"I suppose that was the best I could hope for," she said quietly.
"Senpai's not himself right now." Rise had walked out of the room straight after Souji entered. She stayed by the door, both arms wrapped around her middle.
Naoto looked back at her, still with that same lack of emotion. "Neither are you, it seems."
"Naoto-kun - remember how I-I said I could hear all of you during the fight?" Rise edged closer to Kanji; hearing the shake in her voice, he wasn't surprised to see her eyes were red. "I never realized- -"
She didn't need to finish the rest. Naoto raised one hand as if to tug down the brim of her cap - then stopped, lowered it again, and gave a melancholy nod.
"And you know the worst thing? All of us probably have that inside," Rise said, hugging herself tighter. "Fighting our Shadows didn't- -it was supposed to _fix_ us."
But none of them had _needed_ fixing; they'd never been broken to begin with. Thinking that he was had caused half of Kanji's problems - and, going by their Shadows, Rise's and Naoto's too. He shook his head with a grunt. "Thass stupid."
Rise stared up at him, eyes wide. "What are- -"
"Our Shadows, they all came from whatever was eating away at us most. Accepting them was just the first step to dealin' with that." The first step in a very long walk that - in his experience - might just leave you going round in circles, but you had to start _somewhere_. "It didn't get rid of the rest of the crap inside us, and it was never meant to."
"Kanji-kun is correct. We're all still human," agreed Naoto. "Souji-senpai included."
Rise glanced between Naoto and Kanji, lips parted as if she wanted to say something, until she forced them into a smile instead. "Yeah. Sorry," she said, not nearly lightly enough. "He'll come round. We just need to look after him." She glanced back at the door. "I'm - gonna go check he's okay. Later, guys."
It wasn't until Rise had gone back in the room and closed the door again that Naoto finally looked up at Kanji. "You can be remarkably clear-headed at times."
Great. She thought he was a moron. She'd even said as much back when she'd tried to help him study - though she'd insisted later she hadn't meant it, something Kanji reminded himself of while attempting not to scowl. "M'always like this," he muttered. "Usually just comes out wrong."
_Or not at all_, he might've added.
Naoto's expression turned thoughtful - then, for the briefest moment, vaguely uncomfortable. It leveled out in an instant, and her gaze shifted to the window and the fog outside. "Things often do."
* * *
**November 24****th****, 2011**
The fog still hadn't left. Most people were pairing off when walking home now; far as Kanji could tell, some had stopped coming to school at all. He'd been counting Souji among that group until today, when he'd seen Senpai and Yosuke walking through the school gates moments before the first bell, the latter pushing his beat-up excuse for a bicycle and the former still dusting gravel off his jacket.
It took a death wish to want to ride anywhere with Yosuke Hanamura, but if anyone could get through to Souji, it was him. Staring through the window of classroom 1-3, Kanji tried to spot the two of them in the yard - school had ended only a few minutes ago, and that orange two-wheeled eyesore ought to stand out anywhere - but the fog was too dense. He hoped Senpai hadn't gone to the hospital alone. Kanji had offered, of course, but Souji had told him to take a break today and go relax somewhere.
Figured, really. Souji was the only person who knew just how much Kanji hated hospitals, the old debris they kicked up inside his head. It just didn't feel right knowing Senpai was looking out for him while blanking half the damn team.
He sighed and turned away from the window. By now the classroom was almost empty. Few more minutes and sewing club would get underway; maybe standing outside and watching would count as 'relaxing'. Kanji strode out the door, planning to head to the activities building, but stopped when he noticed Naoto standing in the corridor outside the staffroom.
How come she hadn't gone home? Or to the hospital? Souji had been a little kinder yesterday; barely said ten words to her the whole time she was there, but he'd let her in to see Nanako. Naoto's infinite stubbornness had at least gotten her further than Yukiko and Chie, who hadn't shown up at the hospital at all.
Made it even stranger she was still here, though. Kanji ambled down the corridor and stopped next to her, or as close as he dared to get. "Hey, Naoto."
She'd been staring intently at the staffroom door, and blinked up at him in surprise. "Kanji-kun. You haven't left?"
"Sewing club's meeting today."
"Are you going to attend, or watch from outside?"
The question carried no malice; Naoto's bluntness just made the whole thing sound about as stupid as it really was. Kanji tried not to cringe. "Second one," he mumbled.
Naoto considered this. "Though I acknowledge the irony of the suggestion, perhaps you should contemplate joining in."
He had, several times. Hell, the club could probably use his help - some of the stitchwork he'd seen had looked awful from three meters away - but he'd only spook the other kids. "Yeah. Just…y'know."
"Very well."
Since she didn't push the topic, Kanji gladly changed it. "So, why're you hanging 'round in the corridor?"
Naoto shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "One of the teaching faculty wishes to speak with me," she said, looking a little…sheepish?
Much as it didn't fit her, Kanji knew _that_ look. He grimaced in sympathy. "Sucks. What'd you do?"
Frowning up at him, she paused - then let out a quiet sigh. "I fell asleep during mathematics class," she admitted. "And Nakayama-sensei is not having one of her better days."
"You tired?" Kanji's brow furrowed. "You ain't had more bad -"
"No - well, yes, but only one. I've simply been working late at the police station this week."
"Huh. Thought they got rid of you?"
…Whoa, that'd come out wrong. Thankfully, Naoto only managed a halfhearted glare - maybe because, in the end, he was right. "Dojima-san…has insisted that his colleagues make full use of my abilities during his absence."
The cops had treated her like a kid all through the summer, even blocked her from the case when she'd kept insisting Kubo had only one murder to his name. The chance to make them suck it up sounded awesome. "'Bout time. Dumbasses should've listened to you earlier."
Folding her arms, she turned to the side. "Dojima-san now believes I can assist in building a strong case against Namatame."
Two victims dead, five who'd come close. Sure, the cops hadn't known about him and Yukiko and the rest, but Naoto did. It was Naoto who Souji's uncle trusted to make sure Namatame got sent down, maybe even above the other cops - and though Kanji had absolutely nothing to do with that, he still felt a small swell of pride.
But looking at her now - arms still crossed, eyes dark under her cap - something in her expression didn't match up.
He frowned at her. "And you can, right?"
Naoto looked up at him, hesitating. She'd just opened her mouth to speak when the staffroom door swung open.
Nakayama stood in the doorway: dour, thin-lipped, and resentment incarnate. "Shirogane. Inside."
Judging by the vaguely mortified look on her face - and the fact that she was the top student in their year - getting bitched out by a teacher was a brand new experience for Naoto. Kanji considered clapping a hand on her shoulder, but settled for a firm nod. "She'll just complain at you a bunch," he whispered, with the confidence of a frequent target of Nakayama's husband-induced wrath. "Trust me, I been there. And at least it ain't Kashiwagi."
Naoto sighed, tugged at her cap again, and walked into the staffroom.
* * *
In retrospect, Kanji probably should've gone to the hospital. Somehow, sitting in the corridor outside Nanako's room felt like he was doing something useful. Being there for Souji, maybe. Instead, too distracted to help in the shop - Ma had caught him dusting the display tables times over - he'd spent the early evening sitting in his room, making an inattentive attempt at sewing a hippo ballerina and doing a lot of thinking. The latter was rarely a good thing.
He'd always gotten way too hung up on stuff. Naoto was proof of that. So was him spending months wrangling with his 'doubts' - and, right now, twisting himself into knots about something he should've gotten over years ago. What was happening to Nanako was nothing like what had happened to his dad, and he had no right to be so cut up over her to start with. Even knowing that, Kanji still couldn't shake the belief that he _needed_ to be at the hospital right now, and every other day, just in case.
…No, that was plain dumb. Nanako was gonna be fine. She was a resilient kid; had to be, to lose a parent and come out of it so well. Far better than Kanji. He'd just gotten angrier and more and more scrunched up inside, unable to deal with his dad being gone and shoving everyone away instead. The piercings, the tattoo, and the clothes had all been part of that. Anything he'd thought might scare people off. It wasn't like he'd started out with many friends to spare; most of the girls at school had done nothing but laugh, and the only guy who'd never been weirded out by him was Naoki.
But even during the worst stuff he'd put her through, Ma had always told Kanji he'd been a happy kid, and that she knew he'd find his way back someday. He'd fobbed her off at the time, called her stuff he shouldn't - but in the end, and though Kanji had needed Souji Seta's help to do it, she'd been absolutely right. Still felt weird hanging out with people again, especially when those people actually gave a damn what he felt and thought, but it was a _good_ sort of weird.
Souji made finding friends seem as easy as breathing. Still didn't explain why he'd throw away the ones he had.
Kanji's phone started blaring; some bubblegum pop ringtone he'd let Rise put on there while they'd been riding the bus and he'd run out of other ways to cheer her up. Pulling the phone from his pocket, he saw Yosuke's name on the screen for the second time in recent memory. The first had been when Dojima had hauled Souji off to the cop shop.
As he picked up the phone, Kanji held his breath. "…S'up?"
_"Hey, Yosuke here."_
"I know that, dumbass, the phone shows your name on the screen. Your arm better yet?
_"Mostly. Kind of hurts, but I got sick of that stupid sling. Listen, I've gotta help Teddie with his evening shift at Junes. Are you free now?"_
He already knew where this was headed. Souji and Chie had spent a whole week slaving at Junes in the midsummer; Kanji had only gotten out of it because he'd needed to help Ma instead. Better the textile shop customers than the crowd at the food court, he'd decided, and his opinion hadn't changed. "I ain't covering for you at work, man."
_"No, moron. I was supposed to head to Souji's place after we left the hospital." _Yosuke hesitated. _"I don't like leaving him by himself, but I had to come back to help Ted and Rise's being weird about going and the other girls…" _
"Yeah. I know. You go there every day?"
_"Yep. Don't get me wrong, he doesn't _need_ it, Souji can handle anything, but - " _Yosuke stopped, then said, too casually,_ "He's being kinda weird lately. And it's not like I've got anything better to do."_
"Senpai's a tough guy."
_"Pretty big compliment, coming from you! You can tell him tonight if you head over there."_
Figured. Yosuke really did want Kanji to cover for him - just not at Junes. "That what this is about?"
Clearly realizing he'd been rumbled, Yosuke let out a quiet sigh. _"He needs company, Kanji. Nagase and Ichijo are handling it tomorrow, but somebody's gotta go tonight. You'll do it, right?"_
How did you say no to a question like that without sounding like a total dick? It was impossible. Yosuke probably knew that, the asshole. "Yeah, fine," Kanji muttered. "No worries."
But maybe this was a good thing. It'd give Souji company, Kanji a distraction, and Hanamura some peace of mind. Now that Yosuke had gotten what he wanted, Kanji waited for him to close the conversation - but instead, the other end of the line stayed silent. "…What?"
_"Naoto came by last night. Said she wanted to talk to Souji."_
"Oh. Right." The flare of jealousy made Kanji feel like an idiot. Okay, so Naoto had told _him_ she'd been working late at the station - but she needed to clear the air with Souji before things got out of hand. "Uh, how'd it go?"
Yosuke's silence was all the answer he needed.
"Damn." While Kanji couldn't imagine half of what Souji was going through, the one thing he knew from experience was that pushing friends away - outright distrusting them - would make everything far worse. The team had always had Souji's back, some of them for months, and Senpai _knew_ that. One stupid, messed-up fight shouldn't have changed his mind.
_"Never mind detectives, Shirogane's the crown prince of awkward." _Yosuke's chuckle only sounded uncomfortable. _"She left pretty quickly. Honestly, I didn't really get what she was saying."_
Might have helped if Hanamura hadn't hung around while she'd tried to say it. Even Kanji realized that. But Yosuke's protective streak had gone into overdrive where Souji was concerned - and if you spent long enough around someone, maybe you started to think a little like they did. Maybe you started doubting the same people.
It was an ugly idea.
"I'm not doing anythin' important." Kanji stood up from the table, glancing at the darkening fog outside his window. "I'll head over to Souji-senpai's now."
_"Thanks, man. I owe you one. Oh yeah, Souji told me he wanted a favour from you," _Yosuke added, sounding confused.
"Whassat?"
_"He said it was for Nanako, really. Something to do with Loveline and a custom order?"_
"Ain't you gonna be late for work?" Kanji snapped.
Yosuke took the not-so-subtle hint. _"Dude, don't bite my head off! I'm going!"_ he protested, and with one last grumble about not shooting messengers, ended the call.
* * *
**November 25****th****, 2011**
Kanji frowned at the pile of cardboard boxes. "Y' never normally need help with this."
"Well, I do this time. Don't be difficult!" Folding her arms over her apron, Rise fixed him with a glare that somehow doubled as a pout. "We don't usually have this much expired stock to throw out. There's no way I can lift it all."
There were distinct disadvantages to being the strongest guy in your group of friends. Kanji's frown deepened - probably couldn't intimidate a box into moving itself, but you never knew - then vanished as Rise's grandmother walked out the Marukyu shop door. Kujikawa-san, he'd learned a long time ago, was not a lady to be crossed.
"Rise-chan!" she scolded, tapping her granddaughter on the forearm. "Don't snap at Kan-chan, he's being a good boy."
Rise cringed. "Sorry, Grandma. I'll, um, go see what else we need to bring out," she said, and made a hasty retreat through the shop door.
Kujikawa-san watched her leave; Kanji couldn't quite make out the old woman's expression, but it shifted into a polite smile as soon as she turned to face him. "Thank you for offering to help, Kan-chan."
"No problem, Kujikawa-san." He hadn't exactly _offered_, but it wasn't like he had much else to do. Besides, Ma and Rise's grandmother were on good terms, and Kanji preferred to avoid any potential rebukes for bailing out on his mother's friends.
"Business is so slow lately…but you can probably tell that from all this waste. The weather's been so strange that even our usual customers are staying home." Kujikawa-san had been staring out into the thick fog as she spoke, but her gaze soon switched back to the shop door. "And Rise-chan…" She looked up at Kanji, the wrinkles in her forehead creasing even deeper with concern. "You'll look after her, won't you, Kan-chan?"
Look after Rise how? He'd already been walking her home from Junes at night, and he was pretty certain Kujikawa-san had no idea her granddaughter had been jumping into televisions to fight weird-ass monsters. And even on the off-chance she did, all of that was over now. Not quite understanding her point, Kanji shrugged and rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, yeah. No worries."
Kujikawa-san smiled up at him, gave a quick nod, and went back inside the shop.
A cold breeze whipped along the street, much colder than was normal for this time of year - but nothing about this weather was normal. According to the forecast, the temperature would keep dropping and the fog wasn't going to let up. The local news show had even done a report about it this morning: a ten-minute section on _'How to protect yourself from the fog'_ which had been less reassuring and more scaremongering.
Stupid. Fog was just fog. Kanji had been trying to convince himself of this all week. Take-Mikazuchi should've helped, given he'd been butting in a lot more than usual lately - but on this topic, the Persona had stayed silent.
No point dwelling on it, though. Rise would be back out with more stuff and she'd get ratty if Kanji hadn't started moving the first batch. He'd just bent down to lift the biggest box when someone called out from the street. "Hey, Kanji-kun, is that you?"
Couldn't see who it was, beyond a hazy figure jogging toward him in the fog, but the voice made it clear. "Yo, Chie-senpai! What're you doin' out?"
Chie ran up to the base of the steps, a wide grin on her face. "After-school training!" she explained, hastily adding, "Probably don't need to anymore, but you never know, right?"
"Yeah," Kanji said, without meaning it. Everything was over now: the case, the TV runs, maybe even the team.
Still jogging on the spot - and making a weird rattling noise while she did it - Chie glanced at the pile of boxes. "And now you're getting used as a workhorse, huh? I'll help."
"Uh-"
Arguing was pointless; she was already at the top of the steps. "It'll do me good," she insisted. "Running's just aerobic exercise, not strength. No point kicking if I can't do anyone any damage!" She hesitated barely a moment before breaking into another smile. "To Shadows, I mean."
Kanji wasn't sure what to say, other than that he appreciated her trying so damn hard, even if it didn't quite work and even though she might be the only one still bothering. Right on cue, Rise appeared to bail him out - except that wasn't working either. She stopped in the shop doorway, blinking at Chie, and pulled the cardboard box in her arms close to her chest. "Oh. Chie-senpai. You - don't have to help."
Chie waved her off. "Nah, it'll go quicker this way. Even Iron Tatsumi can't carry all of these at once."
Rise glanced at Kanji, then back at Chie. The look in her eyes caused a cold weight to settle in his stomach. "But- -"
"This fog is _poison_! It's a gas filled with viruses!"
A guy had bolted through the fog from the northern end of the district, skidding to a halt at the bottom of the shop steps. His limbs were twitching, like he wanted to run in every possible direction at once - and why was he wearing a gasmask? "Hell's your problem?" Kanji snapped.
Gasmask guy didn't answer. He stared wildly around him, orange coat flapping with each jerky motion, palms pressed against the sides of his head. "No, no! You don't understand, if you inhale the fog you'll die!"
"Stop saying that!" Chie hissed. "You're gonna scare people!"
Not that there was anyone else around to hear. Kanji could only see one other figure in the fog - tall, broad, and, now they'd moved closer, red-haired. Daidara, never the most sociable man, was taking advantage of the empty streets.
Unfortunately, gasmask guy spotted him too. He launched into a stumbling run. "You! What're you doing? You don't even have a _mask_!"
"And I used to think Inaba was kinda dull," Chie sighed, watching Daidara swat the guy away like an insect.
"He's not even the first one. He's just saying it out loud." Rise put down the box in her arms and turned back to the door. "I'm gonna get more boxes."
Chie stared after her as she left. "Is she okay?"
"…Dunno. Can't tell."
"Might be the fog. You hear about Takahashi? Third-year, plays centre-forward for the soccer team?" Kanji, who didn't even know the name, shook his head. "He collapsed yesterday during practice. People are saying it's because of all this," Chie said, waving a hand toward the murky street. "Maybe that gasmask guy was on to something."
"On something, more like. Fog's just fog." Kanji insisted. Chie shrugged at that, crouched down to pick up a box, and rattled again. Jangled, even. He tipped his head. "Why're you rattlin'?"
"Oh. Bottle caps," she said, like it explained everything.
"…Bottle caps?"
"Back at the inn, Nanako-chan said her class was planning a crafts project at school. She needed soda bottle caps." Chie pulled a few brightly-coloured caps out of her pocket as evidence. "Teddie helped me collect these at the food court yesterday evening. I was gonna give them to Souji, I guess."
Kanji gave a tense nod. "Yeah."
An awkward silence fell; the type that was only a few seconds long, yet crammed in a lot of unpleasant things nobody wanted to acknowledge. Fortunately, Chie didn't let it drag out. "Okay!" she said, tapping her fists together for emphasis. "I've got a better idea. I'll help Rise-chan haul everything out here first, then you and me'll move it all into the alley. Alright?"
"Sounds good," Kanji said, and grabbed the two nearest boxes from the pile as Chie headed back inside.
Good thing they'd split off. He wasn't sure he could stand another conversation riddled with difficult pauses in place of everything they didn't want to say about Souji. Kanji wasn't sure who was worse off: Naoto, gatecrashing both Souji's house and the hospital in a clumsy effort to mend bridges, or Chie and Yukiko, one desperately acting like nothing was wrong and the other spending every free hour working at an inn with no visitors.
The latter had called Kanji the other night to ask after Nanako - and, indirectly, her Big Bro. Though the conversation had expertly sidestepped Souji's recent behavior, Yukiko, unlike Chie, had at least been willing to talk about him. _It's not like Souji's alone. Yosuke hardly ever leaves his house,_ she'd said. _But I think we should _all_ be helping him, even if he doesn't want us to_.
She'd said something else too, right before she'd ended the call. _This isn't Souji_.
Kanji had known their leader half a year, almost as long as Yukiko and the other senpai, and he'd wanted to agree. The problem was, he couldn't shake the creeping suspicion that he'd never really met Souji at all. But, whoever or whatever Souji Seta really was, he'd still saved all their lives, and wasn't the type of debt you shrugged off. Kanji had reminded himself of this while sitting on the Dojimas' sofa last night, trying to pay attention to some brainless comedy show on TV and ending up watching Souji instead. He'd been polite, had even thanked Kanji for showing up, but otherwise said barely a word.
Still, awkward as it'd been, maybe he should fill in for Yosuke again one evening. Convince Naoto to come along and let her try to talk things out with Souji again. Kanji would at least have the decency to leave the room, much as he'd instinctively dislike it.
He rounded the corner into the alleyway for the second time, ready to dump his next box. He'd just finished stacking it against the wall with the others when he heard footsteps approaching from the main street. Kanji assumed they belonged to Chie - until he realized there were too many of them.
He looked up. Five dim figures stood in the fog at the entrance to the alley. "Nice dolls, Kanji-chan!"
Kanji couldn't fully see them in the fog, but he knew that voice far too well. Sonoda and his gang of idiots. They were probably bored - and, with only two brain cells to rub together between the lot of them, they'd settled on Kanji as their source of entertainment. "Get lost, Sonoda," he muttered.
"Hey, I'm paying you a compliment!" Sonoda swaggered closer, shooting a grin back at his cronies. "You stay up _all night_ sewing them, huh?"
…What?
He'd taken the doll comment as a lame insult, a clumsy way of calling him a girl, not that Sonoda actually knew he- - "Who the hell told you that?"
"Why, is Kanji-chan shy?" Sonoda jeered, his friends laughing behind him. He tipped his head toward one of them, a short and stocky guy standing on the far left of the group. "Arakaki's kid sister keeps goin' on about wanting one. Though we'd drop by your mom's store and check 'em out."
Kanji lurched toward Sonoda, almost toppling the stack of boxes. "Listen, asshole," he snarled, fists already clenched at his sides. "You even _look_ at our shop an' I'll beat the living shit outta you!"
"_Try it_, Kanji-chan."
"Hey! Leave him alone!"
Shit. Chie must've finished bringing stuff out of the shop. No way did Kanji want her to get involved in this - not that 'this' was gonna be a problem, screw Sonoda and his half-assed taunts and his idiot friends, all still blocking the alley entrance and making Kanji more and more nervous. She just needed to leave. Now. "It's fine, Senpai, these assholes are- -"
"Stay outta this, bitch," Arakaki growled, with a curt glance over his shoulder.
Short as she was, Kanji could barely see Chie with Sonoda's friends standing between them. He just caught a glimpse of green - and her very indignant response. "Yeah, right! You seriously think I'm gonna run from a bunch of cowards like you? Especially when you're picking on one of my friends!"
She was tough, no question. But there were five third-year guys and only one of her - and while she could handle herself in a fight just as well as Kanji, she had an equally poor grasp on her temper. "Dammit, Chie-senpai," he growled. "Don't get involved!"
"…'Chie-senpai'?" Sonoda broke into a broad, infuriating grin. "Hey, I know you! That bitch who's always hangin' off Amagi! Kanji-chan your new girl now?" he sneered at Chie, then turned back to Kanji, his eyebrows angled in mock concern. "Aw, but what about Shirogane? Your little _boyfriend's_ gonna get jealous."
"Is _that_ what this is about?" Chie snapped; Kanji still couldn't see her. "Naoto-kun's a girl, you morons!"
"Coulda fooled me." Sonoda almost spat the words. "Though you're way more of a man than Shirogane."
"Shut up! Like _you'd_ know anything about being manly, you, you- -" The sentence disintegrated into an furious half-growl. Kanji had seen Chie lose her rag with Yosuke plenty of times; this was very different.
He grit his teeth. "Look, Sonoda. Just go, alright?"
"No problem. Kanji-chan's gotta run home and make more dollies, guys!"
"Stop saying that! The fuck's your problem?"
"Knew it all along," Sonoda crowed, sneering and smirking just like he always would, Kanji knew, just like everyone else. "All that tough-guy bullshit, swaggering around - and you're nothing but a faggot."
Kanji didn't register what he was doing until he'd thrown Sonoda against the wall and slammed a fist into his stomach.
The next swing - this one deliberate - connected with Sonoda's jaw and sent him crashing into the pile of boxes. His cronies started yelling and cursing, Chie's higher-pitched shouts cutting across theirs, and the next moment there were two guys behind Kanji - fists pounding hard against his back, hands ripping at his jacket. He backhanded one of them straight into the wall but the motion left him wide open, and something hard and heavy whacked against his midriff.
He doubled over in pain, choking down the bile in his throat yet still shaking with anger. Another punch glanced off his cheek, smashing his nose instead and sending him staggering directly into Arakaki. Disorientated, Kanji didn't think to launch an attack. Arakaki drew back one heavy fist, aimed directly at Kanji's face - then crashed down with a yell as Chie kicked his legs out from under him.
She was hopping from side to side, same battle stance she used inside the television - but this _wasn't_ the television, they weren't saving anyone or anything, they were just- -
"Tatsumi, straighten up!" she ordered, trying to push him upright at the shoulder - then broke off, lunging forward and slamming her knee into another guy's groin.
Kanji couldn't help wincing. Didn't help that he was on the verge of throwing up. But Take-Mikazuchi was roaring in the back of his skull, riled up by the fight, and the instincts he'd honed fighting Shadows kicked in. He pivoted, swinging wide and fast into another long-haired guy's jaw. Might've been the one who'd hit him in the gut, Kanji couldn't tell - but he sure as hell recognized Sonoda, who was still wriggling on the ground, hands clutching his face.
There were more people shouting now. Not Sonoda's friends, they were all down - but Chie was yelling again, mixed in with a few more voices he couldn't place. He didn't care. It sounded too distant, like garbled speech being carried down a long tunnel. All that mattered was Sonoda, cursing and coughing and trying to push himself upright.
Kanji sped up the process, grabbing his collar, yanking him up from the ground and shoving him against the brick wall again. Sonoda stared at him, eyes wide with absolute terror - and Take-Mikazuchi rumbled with approval.
"You're the one fulla shit!" Kanji spat, both fists snarled tight around Sonoda's shirt. "And you're gonna leave me and Naoto and ev'ryone else alone, got it?"
Sonoda was trying to cringe away, hands clawing uselessly at Kanji's forearms. "O-Okay! C'mon, just let me go!"
Right now, Kanji wasn't sure if he could. He never had the chance to find out.
"What the hell's going on? Drop him, now!"
It wasn't Chie, or any of Sonoda's friends, or anyone else Kanji knew. Though he didn't want to take his eyes off Sonoda, he glanced toward the street - and saw two new figures blocking the alley entrance, both dressed in the blue uniforms of the Inaba police.
Kanji immediately released his grip on Sonoda's shirt, letting him crumple to the ground.
One of the cops - young and well-built, maybe only a few years older than him - Kanji didn't recognize. The other, however, was the same dick who'd been arguing with Naoto back in the summer. "Tatsumi," he said, voice laced with disgust. "Figures _you'd_ be picking on other kids."
Wait. Was that what they thought - -
Kanji spun toward the older cop, not knowing how to explain and still desperate to try. "But I-I wasn't - he was -!"
"T-Tatsumi hit me first!" Sonoda cried, still cowering against the wall. "I-I never touched him!"
"I've seen _you_ before too. Both punks!" the cop barked. "We should've let you take each other out."
Chie rounded on him, fists clenched at her sides. "This isn't Kanji-kun's fault, you morons weren't even here!"
Dammit, you didn't call the police morons. You sure as hell didn't brawl in the shopping district, either. This was different from the bikers, they'd swung first and Kanji had just been defending himself - but Sonoda, all he'd done was talk. Again and again, spouting stuff _nobody_ had any right to say.
The younger cop moved closer. "We could take 'em both down to the station, sir."
"Yeah. Good idea."
"I don't believe this!" Chie raged. "You aren't even listening!"
"I know what I saw, kid. Tatsumi starting yet another fight."
Kanji could taste blood, trickling down from his cracked nose, but his mouth was dry. "But I - Sonoda, he just kept sayin' all this stuff, I didn't mean t'hit him!"
"Then you shouldn't have done it, bonehead," the cop snapped, unclipping a set of handcuffs from his belt. "'Bout time you thugs got what's coming to you."
* * *
It felt like Kanji had been sitting in the interview room for hours. It was hard to be sure. There was no clock on the wall, and the cop at the front desk had taken his phone.
While he'd been riding in a police car to the station, he'd managed to calm down by reminding himself that he'd been dragged in here before, usually for stuff he'd had nothing to do with or that hadn't even happened. Fact was, Kanji looked wrong. His build, his face and his clothes had caused a whole bunch of assumptions and his attitude had made the cops run with them. Making an example, they'd called it. Kanji had sat through their gruff lectures, brushed off the snide comments, safe in the knowledge he'd done nothing wrong.
The time was different - and worse than all the rest put together.
"Sonoda can press charges for assault." The cop who was interviewing him - Kuroda, something like that - leaned back in his chair. "If he wants."
Just a way to scare him, Kanji thought - until he remembered who'd swung first.
He tried to explain to Kuroda after that; a stumbling, messy account of everything Sonoda had done and said over the past few weeks. Though he held off on mentioning Naoto - she still had to work here - he spilled as much as he could, including the reason he'd finally broken. Tell a cop you made stuffed animals and that too many kids at school thought you might be into guys, and you deserved whatever shitty response you got, but Kanji's single desperate thought was that if he could just make somebody _get _it, the police would let him leave.
Kuroda didn't interrupt once. Just sat there and scribbled stuff in his notebook. At the end, when Kanji had finally run out of steam and could hardly talk past the rock hard lump in his throat, Kuroda leaned forward and laid his pen down on the table.
"Tatsumi, I can see why you did it. And Sonoda's in and out of this joint so often, he ought to pay rent," he said with a grimace. "But we don't have any witnesses other than his friends and that girl you were with, and they're telling two very different stories."
If it came down to Kanji or Sonoda, who were people more likely to believe? Two punks to choose between - but one of them had to have thrown the first punch. "I-I know. An' I did hit him. I just want people t'get why I did it." Kanji swallowed, staring fiercely at his hands. "I ain't a thug."
"You did a number on those bikers."
Shit, he'd never live that down. "Wouldn't stop revving their damn engines," he mumbled. "Woke my ma up."
"Yeah, and they started a rumble when you asked them to stop." The sentence seemed to end in a half-chuckle. Still looking down, Kanji couldn't see Kuroda's expression. "That story's pretty popular around these parts."
Was that supposed to make him feel better? The rumble with the bikers was something that'd seemed unavoidable in the blazing moment, but really stupid days or even hours later. Sure, he'd solved the noise problem, but Ma hadn't talked to him properly for a week after. Kanji had never told her exactly why he'd done it. He'd always hoped she knew anyway.
"You want me to keep everything in here?" Kuroda asked.
Confused, Kanji lifted his head. Kuroda was flicking through his notebook. "K-Keep what?"
"What Sonoda said that made you snap. The dolls, and…" Kuroda shot an odd, pointed glance at Kanji, then focused back on his notebook. "I can gloss over it in the report."
After all the questions Kuroda had asked, and the long, sprawling explanation he'd received in response, why wouldn't he want to type the whole thing up? It took Kanji several long moments to grasp what Kuroda was saying, and exactly which parts would be left out.
Most of the cops gave him enough shit as it was. Why make it easier for them?
"Would leaving it all in help get me outta here?" he asked, frowning.
Kuroda shrugged. "Probably not. Depends on what Sonoda decides to do. But some of the guys here - well. You get what I'm saying?"
"...Yeah. So why're _you_ helpin'?"
"I've got a son your age. I'd say you'd both get on well, but it'd probably end in a slugging match." He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose, then shrugged again. "I've met plenty of thugs, Tatsumi. You're just a kid who needs to learn to keep his temper."
Kanji rubbed at his nose. Still ached. "Leave it out, then," he mumbled. "And - and thanks."
"Don't thank me yet. Let's see what happens first." Kuroda stood up, grabbed his notebook and pen in one hand and walked to the door. As he opened it, light spilled in - but he didn't leave. Kanji could hear him talking quietly with someone in the corridor, a murmuring that eventually ended with Kuroda glancing over his shoulder. "Someone to see you. Make it quick," he added, striding out of the room - with Souji walking inside a moment later.
He was still in his white winter pea-coat, hands shoved in his pockets, and he didn't move from the doorway. "Hey."
Right now, Souji was the first and last person Kanji wanted to see. "H-hey, Senpai," he said, forcing a smile and resisting the urge to launch into an apology. "Can't believe they let you in."
"Adachi-san pulled some strings. A lot of the cops know me anyway, I sometimes drop dinner off for my uncle." Souji paused, gaze fixed somewhere to Kanji's left. "Or I used to."
"Th-thanks for coming."
"Just needed to check you're okay. And you are," he said, with a slow nod. "So, I'll be leaving now."
"Senpai, wait, I-"
"Sorry, Kanji." Souji pulled one hand from his coat pocket and ran it through his hair, pausing to knead his knuckles against his left temple. "It's just - not a good time for anything. Definitely not for all this." He looked directly at Kanji. "Besides, Naoto wants to talk with you."
Hold on. Naoto was here?
Of _course_ Naoto was here, this was the cop shop, she'd been coming here every night since they'd got Nanako back. And if Kanji hadn't wanted Souji to see him like this, Naoto would be even- -
"Later, Kanji." Souji left without waiting for an answer, and Naoto immediately walked in to take his place - like a conveyor belt of all the people Kanji couldn't handle talking with right now. Ma would probably be next.
Naoto walked briskly to the table, two manila folders tucked under one arm, a can of Orange Smash in the opposite hand. She placed them both on the surface, the second closer to Kanji's side than her own.
He gave a quick nod. "Thanks."
She nodded back and sat down in the opposite chair. Tall and lanky, Kuroda had made it look like kid's furniture; in Naoto's case, the table's edge reached her chest. She placed her elbows on the surface, staring at the can as Kanji cracked it open.
It was a weirdly quiet reaction, and not the one he'd expected. He paused, soda gripped in his hand. "Why'd you call Souji-senpai?"
"I didn't. I was in the records room here when they brought you and Sonoda in. I assume Chie-senpai contacted him."
Damn, he'd forgotten about Chie. She'd looked alright after the fight, but last time Kanji saw her, she'd been hollering down both of the cops. "Is she okay?"
"Based on the vigor of the diatribe she launched at the head sergeant, I would say she's fine. She insisted on coming here to state your case. I believe her father collected her a short while ago." Naoto's voice was as level as her expression, but something seemed…off.
Kanji hesitated, desperate for some sort of reassurance and equally desperate to hide it. "That cop, Kuroda. He - he said I might get locked up. Are they really gonna do that?"
She shook her head. "Scare tactics. I just spoke with Sonoda. He has…declined to press charges, meaning there's no legal justification for keeping you incarcerated." The odd pause made Kanji wonder exactly what she'd said to Sonoda, and why. "You'll be permitted to leave in the morning, if not before."
He swallowed the sigh of relief in a swig from his can. "Good. Don't wanna be late for school."
There wasn't much to say to that, so he wasn't bothered by the sudden silence. He was on the verge of breaking it, wanting to ask if all this could be kept from his ma, when Naoto shot out of her seat and slammed her palms against the table. "Kanji, what the _hell_ were you thinking?"
Kanji knew his own brand of anger too well: you yelled, broke stuff, stormed around till you got it all out. Naoto's was very different. Strained, erratic, and startling - but only until his indignation kicked in. "You're raggin' on me? _He_ started it!"
"Sonoda is a bigoted idiot! You - - I expected better," she snapped, leaning further toward him. "Was this - it was like the other occasions, I presume? A misguided attempt to defend me?"
"No. This one was between me an' him."
The taut fury drained from Naoto's expression. "What?"
Talking didn't help Kanji deal with stuff. Never had. He'd only spoken up so Naoto might finally realize she wasn't the center of the universe - but hey, she'd interrogate him anyway, would probably start up any moment, and if you'd once listened to someone spill whatever they'd needed to say then didn't that mean they had to listen back?
He took a deep breath. The knot behind his ribs twisted tighter. "It was the dolls. H-He found out."
Naoto sat back in the chair a lot more slowly than she'd shot out of it. She stared down at her hands for several long moments, palms still pressed against the table, before she spoke. "I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"For jumping to conclusions. And because Sonoda only began persecuting you due to your connection with me."
Kanji's eyes had started stinging with sudden, useless heat - and over what? Sonoda? He blinked hard and concentrated on slowing his breathing. "Not your fault," he choked out. "I was an idiot thinkin' Senpai's idea would ever work. N-Never shoulda put that display up."
It wasn't just Sonoda. So much else kept gnawing at him: Nanako getting so badly hurt, the fight with Namatame, whatever was happening with Souji. And, most of all, the piercing realization that even if Kanji someday managed to fully accept his Shadow, he'd never be able to change other people. They'd treat him the same way they always had, always would - and if that was true, what was the point in trying?
"I disagree," Naoto said, with a firm shake of her head. "There's nothing wrong with what you - "
"No, there _is_, an' there always was! It's the same every damn time, soon as anyone hears about that crap they treat me like a freak!" Kanji gulped for breath and pressed his lips together. He needed to shut up, man up, because whining like a pansy was only making him feel worse - but the words kept scraping up his throat and surging out. "An' I just - I-I'm sick of it, y'know?"
"Yes." Naoto's voice had turned almost too quiet to hear.
"It - it ain't _fair_," he blurted, slamming his fist on the table in vivid punctuation. "A-Accepting myself is fricking hard enough, s'even harder when nobody else does."
"_I _do."
Kanji almost flinched; Naoto barely moved. She stared at him for a moment, intense and unreadable, then quickly looked away. "We all do," she added. "Souji-senpai, and the others."
…Right. All of them.
Kanji was reading too much into this. He couldn't do anything else, storing up all these useless glances and moments and trying to build some sort of meaning - one that, right now, he desperately wanted to believe. But he wasn't stupid.
Leaning back in his chair, he tried his best to calm his breathing. "Uh..thanks," he managed, convinced his racing heartbeat would drown out his voice. "T-To alla you, I mean."
"Yes." Naoto exhaled slowly, blue-grey eyes drifting to the folders on the table. "Of course."
An odd silence fell; this time, filled up with all the things Kanji _wanted_ to say but didn't have the right words to shape. And he had no idea what he _should_ say, instead. Story of his life - except he realized now that Naoto probably didn't either. The thought was comforting.
Eventually, he cleared his throat. "You, uh, gonna stay here till - till you're done with work?"
"Actually, I need to leave now." Naoto stood up as she said it, grabbing the manila folders. "Souji-senpai has agreed to accompany me to my apartment before he returns home."
Kanji swallowed hard, hands tensing in his lap. "Y'never asked anyone to walk you back before."
Naoto glared at him. Maybe she'd been going for anger, but it came off as uneasy. "I do not require Senpai's _protection_, I just - need to talk to him," she said, squaring her shoulders. "And I bear no obligation to justify that."
"Yeah. Sorry," Kanji said, well aware that they were both being dickish about this in their own way, and that one of them would have to back down first. "I know, you gotta figure stuff out with him."
The only response was Naoto walking toward the closed door - though she stopped halfway, and turned back to face Kanji. "That you felt frustrated with Sonoda is entirely understandable," she said, "but you should have kept your composure. The last two encounters did not end in violence."
"Last two encounters, you made me back off."
It was brutally honest, but he was too ground down for anything else. Naoto studied him carefully, eyebrows slightly angled.
"I know, it ain't right," he admitted. "But all shitheads like Sonoda wanna do is hurt people, an' I can't stand that."
Her expression softened a little, or as soft as Naoto - all fine angles and sharp edges - ever got. Several seconds passed before she spoke. "My word counts for even less around here than it did in the summer. Unfortunately, rumours travel quickly," she added - bitterness mixed with resignation. "But I'll discuss your situation with Kuroda and the other senior officers before I leave. With no charges to press, keeping you here overnight serves no purpose."
"Thanks." Unlike most of Kanji's smiles lately, this one wasn't forced. "Even if they do keep me longer - s'enough that you tried, yeah?"
"Trying will never be enough," Naoto muttered, glancing at the folders under her arm, then shook her head. "I should be leaving. Goodnight, Kanji-kun."
"Night." Kanji nodded, Naoto dipping her cap in turn - and he watched her leave the room, the door clicking shut behind her.
32. Chapter 25
_A/N: Four days late. Bit of a breather episode? Thought it necessary, given the point we've reached in-game._
_I sound like a broken record – but I genuinely appreciate everyone's comments and reviews. Scratch that – I'll also thank everyone who's regularly reading this story. Don't know how many of you there are, but I hope you're enjoying it. Individual thank-yous this time to Mizuno Rei-shi and Delirante, whose reviews I can't answer due to PM restrictions._
_Story so far: As fog set in over Inaba, Naoto tried to make amends with Souji, while Kanji tried to solve his problems with his fists._
_In this part: Teddie fails at handstands, Kanji can't see the point in logarithms, and Naoto makes a splash._
* * *
**November 26****th****, 2011**
Ma hadn't taken it well.
Kanji never expected kindness from adults, much less cops, but Kuroda had proved an exception. He'd made a detour on his drive home from work and dropped Kanji off at the store at around midnight - something Ma had still been awake to notice. Tired and still agitated, he hadn't come up with a good reason why he'd needed driving back to begin with and had wound up spilling the entire story. Ma hadn't yelled, hadn't even scolded him, but the way she'd looked at him had felt far worse.
Shame class let out at noon on Saturdays; the extra time might've been enough to work up the courage to walk inside the textile shop instead of staring at the front door. He shuffled his boots against the concrete, wondering if Ma could see him through the shop window. He hoped not. Facing her right now was impossible.
Screw it, he'd stay out this afternoon. Deal with it later. The problem was finding somewhere to go. Couldn't hang with the others - Souji, Naoto and Chie all knew what he'd pulled last night and by now the rest of the team would've found out too. What was he supposed to say? _Hey, remember how you all used to think I was a thug? Guess what!_
Chie had to get it, though. Naoto had already said she did. Even Souji had said he understood and Kanji preferred to believe him. But Yukiko would be disappointed, Rise and Teddie probably wouldn't see why Kanji had lost it to begin with, and given some of the jibes Yosuke had made in the past...
Maybe a walk would clear his head. Huddling into his coat against the cold, he struck out for the north end of the shopping district along a street still wreathed in fog. He could barely see five meters ahead, explaining why he was practically in front of the liquor store before he noticed Naoki sitting alone on the doorstep. "Yo. Why're you sittin' out here?"
Naoki looked up. "Oh, hey, Kanji-kun." He tipped his head toward the shop's darkened interior. "Just gets kinda claustrophobic in there, you know?"
"Yeah, I know that feeling."
"Really?" He hummed in thought, tapping his fingers against his knees. "I guess this weather doesn't help."
"No kidding. Aiya's gonna have to switch to foggy day specials."
It'd been meant as a dumb joke, but Naoki's expression turned anxious. "I, uh, overheard my dad talking just now. He said he'd heard from Otsuka-san that you…got in a fight last night."
Part of Kanji wondered how many times he'd have this conversation. Naoki was the first to ask outright; he wouldn't be the last. Another part wondered exactly how Naoki would react - or how badly.
But he hadn't judged Kanji when they were kids. Why would he start now? "Yeah. Some asshole had been sayin' a lot of stuff he shouldn't 'bout me. Naoto, too. He started again, an' I just - snapped."
Naoki studied him. "What sort of stuff?"
"Just. You know. Those rumours goin' round at school, shit like that."
"Oh." He had the decency to leave it at that; Kanji was grateful. "Hey, did you have lunch?"
"Nope. Why?"
"I promised my mom I'd sweep the shop floor before we get busy," Naoki said, in a tone that suggested he didn't believe it'd ever happen, "but that won't take long. We could go to Aiya afterwards."
"Not if Otsuka knows what happened." Old fart still harped on the biker gang fight. He'd known the Tatsumis way too long. "I'll get an earful."
"Okay, how about Souzai Daigaku?"
"Sure. I'll wait for you t'finish up."
Naoki shook his head. "I'd feel bad for you hanging around in this. Go on ahead, I'll be there in about ten minutes."
All of Souzai Daigaku's seating was outdoors. How sitting in fog there was any different to standing in it here, Kanji didn't know - but he still headed off to the south, cutting a path through the murky grey.
He hadn't been able to place why everything felt so _off_ - why his stomach twisted in on itself whenever he stared too far into the fog - but as he walked past the boarded-up toy shop, realization hit. The district was silent. None of the usual voices and noises. Granted, nobody was spending much time outside these days, but even his footsteps sounded muffled. Rise had told him she was hearing things; Kanji could barely hear anything at all.
Thinking of Rise, he made sure to walk closer to the front steps of Marukyu Tofu, just to check on her. Even with the fog, Kujikawa-san had been leaving the front door open - _it'll encourage customers_, she'd insisted - and he peered inside as he passed. Rise was standing behind the counter of the empty shop, looking out at the fog, and didn't seem to notice him until he waved and the motion caught her eye. She waved back, even smiled - but something about it reminded him of June, and the first time he, Senpai and Yosuke had gone to the shop to meet her.
It wasn't a good feeling. Kanji shoved his hands in his pockets and kept walking.
Souzai Daigaku had to be hurting for business too. No lunchtime crowd, and nobody in line at the stand. Good thing their best customer wasn't spooked by the fog. Chie was sitting alone at one of the tables, tearing into a plate of steak skewers that, by now, were looking pretty light on steak.
Kanji raised a hand. "Yo, Chie-senpai."
She glanced up, still chewing - "Mreym, Khaji-kumph!" - then frowned and quickly swallowed. "…Oh, sorry, that was probably gross."
He slouched into the chair opposite her. "Ain't like it bothers me."
Chie picked up her final skewer and tore off half the meat in one bite. Either Souzai Daigaku was having one of its rare good days or the girl had a steel jaw. "So," she said after conquering the mouthful, "what time did the police let you go home?"
"Bout eleven-thirty. Thanks for tryin' to talk to them. And - for helping out in the fight." By rights, the cops should've arrested her too, but how you acted counted for a lot less than how you looked. "Would've had trouble without you."
"Honestly, I was too pissed off to back down," she admitted. "But when I saw Naoto-kun at the station, I figured she could help you more than I could, and probably without punting anyone. I phoned Souji-senpai just in case, though." She gave a weak smile. "I was kinda surprised he picked up."
"Pretty sure he's pissed at me."
"Could be worse," Chie said quietly. "He might not even care."
It took an effort not to wince. "Nah, it ain't like that. Everything's just weird right now."
"Hey, it's fine, Yukiko's got my scolding covered. She already gave me grief at school - this long spiel about how I could've gotten hurt, how I'm not as tough as I think I am, blah blah _blah_. I don't even know how she found out!" Chie groaned and shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, she totally means well, it's just…" She grimaced and, with one final frown at her skewer, bit off the last chunk of steak.
"We shouldn'ta let it get that far. _I _shouldn't." He drummed his fingers against the table's surface. Still muffled. "My shitty temper."
"_Our_ shitty tempers. Besides, that guy, Sanada, he was a total jerk!"
"Sonoda. An' I hit him first."
Her lower lip jutting out, Chie considered this. "Well," she eventually said. "Sometimes that happens. But it's pretty clear who the bad guy was."
'Bad guy'. Kanji envied her clarity. Everything was easier when you saw stuff that way, the whole world cast in black and white - except nothing had ever really been that simple. Deep down, Chie probably knew that.
"And he'd been bullying Naoto-kun, right?" she continued. "As much as anybody _could_ bully Naoto-kun."
"Yeah. He got started on me 'cause I stuck up for her. I don't get his issue with her."
"Really? I, um, thought it was kinda obvious." Chie looked down, tracing shapes on her plate with one of the bare skewers. "He said she'd fooled him. I mean, he - he must've thought…you know…"
Right before Chie trailed off, she shot Kanji a glance. He didn't like it one bit. "Know _what_?"
She hesitated. "Naoto-kun confused a bunch of people."
The one explanation Kanji hadn't considered was that Sonoda had gone through the same crap as him. But even if he had – even if he'd been nursing the same doubts – it was a damn stupid reason to hate someone. Kanji hated that Naoto still left him blushing and stammering, that he noticed her even when he didn't want to, that she'd made him desperate for every hint that she'd noticed him in return and in the way he wanted. He _didn't_ hate that the boy he'd been twisting himself up over wasn't strictly a boy at all. Naoto had her reasons – and any questions she'd stirred up, Kanji had been dodging for years. If she'd never come to Inaba at all, his Shadow would've been no different.
Everything afterwards might've been easier, though.
Kanji leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs under the table. "She don't notice half of what she does to anyone."
Chie shrugged. "Who cares anyway? Sonoda said a bunch of stupid stuff. You're nobody's girlfriend, you probably don't make dolls," - and here, Kanji tried not to cringe - "and I'm definitely not _mannish_!"
He gave a lopsided smile. "'Course you ain't."
With a satisfied nod, she laid the skewer on her plate and pushed back her chair. "I better get going, Yukiko asked me to drop by after lunch. Probably so she can deliver The Great Amagi Dressing-Down, Part 2. Later, Kanji-kun."
"Later."
After one final smile, she walked away and vanished into the fog within seconds.
If, might, would – what was the point? Naoto _had_ come to Inaba, and that was a good thing. Once Kanji found the balls to speak out, he might make it even better. Just needed better circumstances, that was all, a time when Nanako would be back at home and everyone would be getting along again.
His phone buzzed inside his coat. Might be Naoki explaining why he still hadn't shown. Kanji fished it out and flipped it open.
_yo tatsumi u ok_
Hanamura again?
Lately, he'd been contacting Kanji pretty often, and never for a casual chat. _**yeah why**_
_souj said u got ina fight w/sum guy from school_
Might as well be honest. Yosuke already had first-hand experience of Kanji's temper. _**idiot was picking on Naoto for ages. started on me & i got sick of it. end of story**_
_yeah i kno souji told me_
_dont let assholes like that get to u dude ur better than that_
The two messages came only moments apart. Wasn't the reaction he'd expected; maybe Souji hadn't let on exactly what Sonoda had said to make Kanji snap. He'd started tapping out a response when a third text arrived.
_but if u do it again do NOT let chie get involvd ok_
Like he could've stopped her. She'd have ignored Sonoda's gang and punted Kanji instead. _**wont be a problem**_
He was tempted to ask exactly why Yosuke cared, even if (and maybe because) the answer was obvious.
By the time Naoki showed, ten minutes later, no new messages had arrived. Hanamura must've gotten the answer he wanted. Kanji left his phone on the table and went to order lunch instead.
While they were waiting for their food, Naoki stayed pretty quiet. Didn't say much as they sat at the table, either – just ate his curried beef and occasionally shot Kanji an awkward smile. Kanji had demolished half a plate of croquettes before Naoki finally spoke.
"My dad heard that Souji-senpai broke you out of the police station. Just walked in and kicked down the door. I'm guessing that isn't true?"
Kanji gave him a flat stare. "What do you think?"
"Yeah, thought so. Pretty neat rumour, though. Better than the ones usually spreading through this town." Naoki's brow furrowed. "How's he doing?"
"…Not great."
"We haven't talked in a while. I - don't really know what to say." He looked aside, eyes distant and pained. "Out of everyone, you'd think I would."
"It ain't the same," Kanji mumbled.
Naoki's expression sharpened. "Why?"
Though Kanji couldn't explain it, there was a simple, crucial difference. Naoki could never have helped Saki, while Souji had been the only one able to save Nanako. That one change left Senpai facing a question Naoki had never needed to ask: what if he'd got there sooner?
Long moments passed. Kanji opened his mouth a few times around a half-formed answer that never made it past his lips, but it was Naoki who broke first. "You can say what you're thinking, Kanji-kun. Saki's gone and Souji-senpai's cousin isn't. Right?"
"I, uh - -" Kanji began - and his phone rattled against the table so suddenly that he almost elbowed it off the edge.
Saved by a text message. Yosuke probably wanted to backtrack on that last one, realized he couldn't have anyone thinking he actually cared about Satonaka. Kanji opened the phone, avoiding Naoki's gaze, and stared at the screen.
_STUDY TOMORROW Y/N_
Study? Why would he - -
He gulped. "Oh, shit. Finals."
"Yeah, next week," Naoki said. "Are you ready?"
"Ain't opened a single textbook." Hadn't been listening in class either, not lately. Holy crap, he was going to crash and burn. And, now the initial surprise had died away, he wasn't sure he cared.
The irritation in Naoki's voice had vanished. "You need help studying? I'm not great at exams, but I get by."
"Nah, s'fine, Naoto just offered," Kanji said offhandedly. The silence that followed gave him time to realize that wait, Naoto _had_ just offered, _why_ had she offered, it hadn't done much good last time and didn't she have better stuff to do? A straight-A student trying to help some brawling punk made no sense, even if they were friends - because they totally were, the last week had made him certain, and he had a (very hopeful) feeling that, by now, Naoto thought so too. Provided he didn't get arrested again.
The mental tirade might've gone on longer if not for Naoki. "Well, Shirogane's really smart."
"Damn right she is." Kanji couldn't help a grin. It didn't make much difference; Naoki had already turned his attention back to his meal.
* * *
**November 27****th****, 2011**
The food court looked deserted. It was only ten-thirty, so the place wouldn't normally be packed - but Kanji had been here on Sunday mornings before, and there'd always been a few parents and kids milling around the tables. Then again, maybe there _were_ customers out there. Hard to tell through the fog. It pushed up against the store's glass doors like grimy cotton wool, obscuring almost everything beyond the refreshment stands.
Studying indoors would've been smarter. Studying indoors would have also meant him and Naoto either sitting in her apartment or Ma's living room, and both options had felt too awkward to suggest. And Naoto had been the one to suggest meeting at Junes, so she probably felt the same way, right?
Kanji let out a breath, ran his hand through his hair, and strode through the sliding doors.
"Psst! Kanji-chan! Over here!"
He glanced right. A suited Teddie peered over the counter of the drinks stand, beckoning with one round paw.
Kanji walked over. "They're makin' you work outside in this?"
"None of the humans want to do it. They think the fog will make them sick. However, Teddies are immune!" Ted might've been puffing out his chest, but the suit was too round to tell.
At least _somebody_ wasn't afraid. Most people were hiding indoors instead, and the ones that weren't gave Kanji the creeps. Maybe Inaba needed a few more Teddies, he thought, and instantly regretted it. "They're all fussin' over nothing," he muttered. "S'just fog."
"I dunno, Kanji-chan. The fog inside the television makes humans feel really bad, that's why I had to make you all glasses. But out here…it's different, but still not right. I think people can tell." Ted shifted in place, squeaking from one shoe to the other. "Like the two who were hiding in the lobby earlier."
"They're still there. Saw a cop trying to haul them out." A girl and a guy, both in their twenties, wearing orange Junes uniforms and cowering by the shopping carts.
"Yosuke said he'd try to make them head home for some sleep. I guess they didn't want to go."
Hysteria. Too many people scaring each other with superstitious crap. Junes probably just drove those employees too hard trying to make up for the ones that were phoning in sick. By now, Kanji was glad Naoto wanted to meet outside - it proved that at least one other person still had a handle on their common sense.
He glanced at his phone. Ten-forty. "Hey, did Naoto come by here yet?"
"Yep! She's sleeping over there." Teddie pointed over Kanji's shoulder. Under the wooden shelter, Naoto was hunched over at one of the picnic tables with her head buried in her folded arms. A small stack of folders and textbooks sat on the surface beside her, her cap perched on top.
No way had Kanji gotten the meeting time wrong. He'd checked her last text three times over. "Dammit, how long's she been there?"
"Dunno," Teddie said. "Clocks are tricky. I just know when it's midnight."
"But she told me to be here at ten-thirty, we're s'posed to study."
"Study? Study what? Ooh, could she teach me too?"
"You don't go to school, dumbass."
"Details!" The head of the bear suit popped off to reveal Teddie's human form crouched inside, wearing his scarf and duffel coat. "I'll ask her now!"
He started to climb out of the suit, but Kanji grabbed his arm. "No! Let her wake up on her own, I got nowhere better to be."
If somebody was tired enough to crash out at a bench, waking them up was a dick move. Better to let Naoto rest, Kanji decided, as he quietly stepped closer to the table. Nobody out here to bother her. Definitely not him. He'd just check she was all right first.
…And maybe look at her. Only for a moment. With someone who spent half her waking hours looking as approachable as a brick, who'd blame him? He'd caught her sleeping once before (caught, not _watched_, watched would've been creepy) right after the team had pulled her out of the Secret Base and she'd been halfway through her second week of being deeply ungrateful. That'd been, what, only two months ago?
Two months. Lot of stuff was different now. Naoto included; Kanji remembered how she'd looked curled up on the sofa, her expression unguarded and the usual careful detachment gone. Now she seemed restless and taut even in her sleep. Her head wasn't tilted toward him enough to see her expression, but he'd already seen her arms twitch and her fingers clamp down tight on the sleeve of her coat.
Not like she'd sleep long out here, though. Too cold - which made it even weirder she'd fallen asleep to begin with. She was wearing her winter coat, but what if she was chilly and just too tired to notice? Or maybe she _liked_ the cold, Naoto liked all kinds of weird and unpleasant things. Maybe he should drape his own coat over her anyway to make sure - except she'd probably shoot him in the kneecaps when she woke up and realized just whose coat it was, or at least snap at him, and why he couldn't he decide which of those options was worse?
Kanji stared at her, limbs frozen, mind spinning.
His dilemma was rapidly solved. Teddie bounded across the food court, arms stretched out, and threw himself onto Naoto's back._ "Wake up, Nao-chan!"_
The sound that Naoto let out was dangerously close to a shriek.
Disorientated, pinned against the table, and unable to see who'd jumped on her, her response was - to Kanji's mind - totally reasonable. As he took an elbow to the ribs and a fist to the face at almost the same time, Teddie squealed and clutched wildly at her shoulders. "Ow! Nao-chan, stop it!"
"Wh-wh-what'reyou - T-Teddie! Unhand me _this instant_!"
A couple more elbows and he'd probably oblige. To speed things up, Kanji grabbed the hood of his coat and yanked him away from the table. "C'mere, bear!"
"I was just trying to help!" Ted protested, rubbing his jaw. "I never knew wake-up hugs could be so painful."
"I-I - w-why did you…" Naoto straightened her back and took a deep breath. By the time she'd smoothed down her hair and tugged her cap back on, she was calm enough to speak. "Teddie, that was _completely_ unnecessary."
"Of course it wasn't! This is no time to sleep, Kanji-chan needs your help studying." Teddie jabbed his thumb toward his chest. "I do too!"
Naoto narrowed her eyes. "…Studying what, exactly?"
_'How to score hot studs'_ was Kanji's unhappy first answer, but Teddie's expression turned serious. "In the summer, Sensei started teaching me how to write," he said, sliding into the seat opposite Naoto, "but I'm not that great yet and he's, you know. Busy. I need more lessons and Nao-chan's super-smart, almost as smart as Sensei!"
"I'm just as sm-" Naoto started - then stopped, adjusted her coat collar, and pursed her lips. "For future reference, I do not render assistance to people who jump on me."
Elbows on the table, Teddie leaned forward. "How about if they smooch you?"
Naoto leaned equally far back. "Souji-senpai will have time after Nanako-chan's recovery. You can resume lessons then."
"But that's the problem! I need to learn _before_ that!"
"What's the rush?" Kanji asked.
Teddie frowned down at his hands, his fingers splayed against the table. "I wanna write notes for Nana-chan for when she wakes up, so she'll know all the stuff I've been doing. I tell her every time I visit but she might not remember it all, and _I'd _hate missing out like that." He lifted his head. "I can't remember it all either. So I have to learn to write before I forget the rest."
Naoto and Kanji exchanged glances, and awkward expressions.
He looked at Teddie. "But ain't you s'posed to be working right now?"
Ted shrugged. "No customers. Except you and Nao-chan, but you can just tell me if you wanna buy anything."
"Very well. Kanji-kun and I will start on algebra." Naoto handed him a pen and pushed a sheet of lined paper across the table. "Begin your note, and once we've worked through this chapter's problem set, I'll help you with whatever you are unable to write."
Teddie beamed at her, bright and eager, then began scribbling.
In practice, 'starting on algebra' mostly meant Kanji poring over Naoto's neatly handwritten notes, while Naoto herself quickly finished half the textbook's example problems and moved on to trying to convince him that yes, he _did _know this material, the attendance records confirmed that he'd been present for all mathematics classes this semester. Kanji couldn't bring himself to point out that being in a class and getting any benefit out of it were two very different things - or to ask exactly how Naoto knew, and why she'd bothered to find out. Ted sat quietly beside him the whole time, chewing his borrowed pen and scrawling spidery jumbles that still made more sense than the mathematics notes.
"I hate this crap. Quadratics, x's, y's…" Kanji glowered at the textbook. Maybe if he glared hard enough, the stupid thing would catch fire. "The hell am I ever gonna need a _logarithm_ for."
"Earthquakes," Naoto said.
"Earthquakes?"
"The moment magnitude scale. It's logarithmic." She leaned forward and pointed to one of his half-finished answers. "Remember to multiply both sides of the equation."
Teddie put down the pen and held out his sheet of paper. "Nao-chan, I'm thirsty. Can you look at this while I get a drink?"
Naoto took the sheet with an distracted nod and an unhappy frown at the teeth marks on the pen cap.
"Get me something too, man." Kanji pulled his wallet from his coat pocket and took out a thousand-yen note. "Don't care what. And, uh, wh-whatever Naoto wants as well."
She looked at him, then at Teddie. "I -"
"You gave me something to drink at the station, alright?" Seriously, it was just a damn soda, wasn't like he was offering to make her a freaking four-course dinner (and never mind that he totally would if he thought for one second she might say yes). "I'm just returning the favour!"
Naoto blinked. "…I was going to request something caffeinated."
"There's a crate of Mad Bull in the main stockroom, Yosuke keeps taking them when he's on break." Teddie snatched the money from Kanji's hand and bounded away from the table. "I'll fetch you one!"
"You needn't go to such -" Naoto tried to call after him, but he was already through the store's sliding doors. She let out a small sigh, then picked up one of her non-chewed pens and turned her attention to his note.
Even earthquakes couldn't make logarithms interesting. Naoto was a different matter. Kanji watched her roll her pen between her fingers, use it to push up the brim of her cap - then, the moment she glanced up at him, immediately stared at Teddie's note instead. After a full minute, he still couldn't decipher any of the scribbles, or even tell the paper was upside down. "Can you actually read any a'that?"
"No, but the drawings in the margin appear to convey the general idea. How are you doing with that problem set?"
"Uh…not bad," Kanji lied. "Thanks for helping me. I forgot we even had exams, to be honest."
"A joint study session benefits us both," she said, rapid but firm. "I am equally under-prepared."
Either she was trying to be kind or she had way too high an opinion of Kanji's academic abilities. Both ideas were unlikely, no matter how insistent she sounded. Didn't really matter. Naoto could show up drunk, asleep or both and still ace every subject. For Kanji, a passing grade was a wild dream.
"Well, thanks for the help anyway. Promised Souji-senpai months ago I'd try to get better scores." He hesitated. Naoto was focused on Teddie's note. "Hey, uh…on Friday night. You sort things out with him?"
"To an extent."
"Thass good."
"Yes, it is." She still hadn't looked up. Kanji went back to trying to ignite the textbook.
Though he'd never admit it out loud, part of him had been relieved when Souji had first started blanking her. The rest was still supremely pissed at himself for being so gutless - but that didn't stop it from being true.
He glanced up just in time to catch Naoto yawn, one hand covering her mouth - and, the moment she realized he was watching, quickly swallow it. This pissed him off more than was reasonable. "Look, I already know you're tired," he muttered. "You were crashed out when I got here. What time did y'leave the cop shop last night?"
"Police station, Kanji-kun. It was around four in the morning."
"Hell were you doing that took so long?" More importantly, what was the point? "The case is over, you don't hafta-"
"All that is 'over'," Naoto cut in, pen gripped tight between her fingers, "is our jumping into a television and fighting Shadows. Prosecuting Namatame will not be trivial."
"But he did it! He took Nanako-chan, everyone saw him."
"No, they _didn't_. We did, but only inside the television. Other than when we brought them both back, they were never seen together by anyone outside the team." As she spoke, she tipped back her cap and started kneading her left temple. "The evidence is circumstantial at best."
No fricking way. They'd pulled that murdering bastard out so he could face justice in the real world. They could've left him there, let the Shadows rip him apart, but instead they'd done the right thing and now he'd get sent down, because _that was how it was supposed to work_. "That ain't good enough!" Kanji slammed a fist against the table. "He's gotta pay for what he did!"
"I _know_."
Naoto's voice had turned hollow, and he couldn't swallow the surge of guilt.
Why was he counting on her to fix everything? Shit, they were both still in high school, even if one of them _did_ have a smart job and act like she was forty. "Sorry. I-I'm not blaming you. You're doin' your best."
"Which will count for nothing if Namatame walks free."
"An' we're the only ones who know what he really deserves," Kanji muttered.
Naoto looked at him for a long moment, expression blank – then shook herself and gestured to the textbook. "Finish the problem set. We have a lot of material to cover."
* * *
**December 1****st****, 2011**
Predictably, exam week sucked. By Thursday, Kanji had given up – and, rather than spend the evening cramming, decided to head to the hospital with Rise. At least, that was the plan. Ten minutes had passed since the final bell and he was still waiting for her outside the main school building.
She'd hung around late yesterday, too. Kanji had been killing time while Kashiwagi bitched out Naoto in the faculty office, when he'd noticed Rise still standing by the window in classroom 1-2. He'd been on the verge of going in to talk with her - Kujikawa-san's words had been playing on his mind - but Naoto had slunk out of the office a moment later, muttering about how she'd already _finished_ her biology final, why did it matter that she'd fallen asleep afterwards, and retreating to the library had seemed the better option.
They'd gone there every afternoon this week, at Naoto's prompting. Though he appreciated it, he still didn't understand why she bothered. Helping him to fail less hard than expected seemed a wasted effort. A dozen Naotos probably couldn't help him pass, he thought, and promptly got a lot more hung up on the image than he should've.
"Kanji-kun?"
Kanji jolted against the wall. Twelve imaginary mini-detectives had coalesced into a single very real one, standing to his left and looking up at him. "I-I wasn't doin' anything!"
"Precisely. Therefore, I thought you might wish to go to the library." She eyed him carefully. "Were you waiting for someone?"
"Y-Yeah. Rise."
"Oh." Naoto folded her arms. "Well. I'm sure she'll be out soon."
It sounded like the end of a conversation, and he expected her to walk away. She didn't. Kanji started to feel vaguely uncomfortable.
_Say something, moron._ Ideally something that wouldn't piss her off. "You, uh, wanna come with us?" he tried, and although Naoto's eyes narrowed, he kept going. "We're gonna go see Nanako-chan. You could tag along."
For some reason, the offer seemed to placate her. He probably should've asked sooner.
She nodded. "Yes, I -"
"Hey, you two!" Chie had just walked out of the building, Yukiko close behind her. "Still haven't left?"
"Waiting for Rise. We're heading to the hospital," Kanji said, without thinking.
Chie's smile faltered. She recovered an instant later, but it didn't look the same. "That's great."
The silence that followed was heavier than the fog.
"…So, how are your finals going?" Yukiko managed a smile too: stiff, thin, and about as convincing as Chie's.
"Don't ask," grumbled Kanji.
"No idea," Naoto said, and shrugged. "I find it difficult to care at present."
Chie gave a sympathetic nod. "Oh man, I know the feeling."
Next to her, Yukiko let out a soft sigh. "Chie, you _never_ care about finals, except when you call me in a panic over not studying enough." She turned to Naoto before Chie could splutter out a response. "Souji's talking to you again, isn't he?"
Naoto hesitated. "…Yes."
Chie bit her lip. "What did you do?"
"I kept going to the hospital. And his house." At this, both Chie and Yukiko raised their eyebrows, and Naoto's cheeks flushed pink. "I-I didn't know what else to do," she said quietly.
"But you're both talking again," Yukiko repeated. "And he's forgiven you."
"…I don't know. He shouldn't."
"Quit saying that kinda crap," Kanji muttered, and ignored Naoto's razor-sharp glance. "You know it's not true."
"What's it matter anyway? At least you and him made up." Chie closed her eyes. "It was that stupid fight, I know it. And I didn't even mean - it wasn't our fault, why doesn't he _get_ that?"
"I'm sure he does," Yukiko began, one hand on Chie's shoulder, "it's just -" The sentence stopped short; Souji and Yosuke had just left the main building, and were heading for the bicycle stands. Yukiko's gaze landed on them, then flickered to Naoto - and she squared her shoulders. "Oh, I've had enough of this," she muttered, already stepping after the two boys. "Souji, Yosuke, wait!"
After a quick exchange of worried glances, Naoto, Chie and Kanji all followed.
Souji either hadn't heard Yukiko or didn't want to, because he didn't stop walking. Yosuke did. He grabbed Senpai's arm and turned them both toward her.
"Hello." Yukiko nodded to them both. "Souji, can we talk?"
He tried to pull away. "Not now, I have to- -"
"No, wait a sec." Yosuke's grip didn't loosen. "This was going to happen sooner or later."
"Souji, I won't pretend to know what you're going through, but I'm – we're your friends," Yukiko said. "And I don't understand why you're pushing us away."
"Yukiko's right." Chie was shifting in place, arm folded, one foot tapping against the ground. "Look - you, you don't have to explain stuff if you don't want to – but I'm really, really sorry about what I did in that fight, and I wish I could back and change things but I _can't_, and I - " She took a deep breath. "I just want all of us to get along."
He looked away. "Yeah. Sorry. Guess I'm not being a very good leader."
"C'mon, that's not what we're saying!"
"None of us would have made it this far without you. We can work together to get through the rest." One hand slightly raised, Yukiko stepped forward, but apparently thought better of it. "Chie and I would both love to visit Nanako-chan."
"Why don't you come with us today?" Yosuke said, then turned to Souji. "That's okay, right?"
Another example of Hanamura's talent for asking questions that, for anyone who didn't want to feel like an asshole, only had one decent answer. Souji handled this one about as effectively as Kanji had his. "…Sure."
Chie's face went slack with relief, then broke into the first genuine smile Kanji had seen on her all week. "That's great! We should get Rise-chan, she'll wanna go too. Wanna come inside with us, Naoto-kun?"
"No, I - I will wait here."
Too eager to ask twice, Chie was already jogging back toward the main building. Yukiko stalled. "Thank you, Souji."
It was a restrained reaction, especially compared to Chie's, but somehow it carried more weight, and Kanji couldn't help noticing the extra moment Souji held her gaze.
Once she was out of earshot, Yosuke sighed. "Wouldn't hurt to crack a smile, partner."
Souji's voice was almost too low to hear. "It isn't that simple."
Months ago, Kanji would've disagreed. Too many times he'd been frustrated with Naoto, the way she'd always over-complicated everything - except maybe she _hadn't_. Maybe her and Souji had been in the right all along.
"I don't get it, dude. You're usually so…" - a pause, like Yosuke was trying to pluck the right word from the fog - "…_nice_. You make friends with the most random people, you've got half the girls at school throwing themselves at you, and- -"
"It never _mattered_ before. I just needed everyone's- -" Souji closed his eyes. When he opened them again, his expression was as smooth as unbroken water. "It doesn't matter."
Yosuke looked taken aback. "What doesn't?"
"Nothing major." The delivery was too fluid to be reassuring. It felt more like the slamming of a door. "I'll be waiting by the gate."
Only when he'd disappeared into the fog did Naoto move to follow him. The glance she darted at Kanji on the way was almost too brief to catch, never mind decode.
"Gotta give Shirogane credit. She doesn't quit." Head tilted back, Yosuke stared up at the fog. "And it kinda worked."
"You made him stay an' talk," Kanji said.
"Somebody had to."
"Didn't expect it. Thought you were on his side."
Yosuke's eyes went wide. "_Sides_? You're kidding me, right? C'mon, Tatsumi, you seriously think that's how things are?"
"No." Having that confirmed would've felt good if Hanamura hadn't sounded so genuinely hurt. "Sorry, man. Just, you and him. You're close."
"Souji's the smartest, coolest guy I know, no question - but he's got it wrong this time. It's gonna be fine, though. I've got a plan."
Kanji frowned. "Last plan you had, we ended up wearin' dresses."
"Nah, this one'll work. Have faith in my genius!" Yosuke's grin looked genuinely earnest. "And don't count on studying tomorrow evening."
* * *
**December 2****nd****, 2011**
"I still say this is weird." Souji's gaze shifted from Yosuke to the hazy, placid surface of the Samegawa. "And we should be studying for tomorrow's finals."
"If we don't know it by now, we'll never know it," Yosuke said cheerfully. "And I never knew it at all."
Souji had a point, though. Not about the studying - to hell with that - but the strangeness of what amounted to a night-time riverside picnic in December. Though the fog had swallowed the breeze, the air still carried a bitter chill, and if they could barely see the water then what was the point in coming to the river at all? "I ain't sayin' this is a bad idea," Kanji began, "but-"
"Then don't say anything," Yosuke cut in.
Chie nodded. "Yosuke's right. This is team-bonding time, so no slacking off!"
Souji frowned at the fog in general. "Can't we bond indoors?"
Good question. Unfortunately, Yosuke was distracted by the plastic bags in Chie's hands. "Wait, what did you bring?"
"It's not a picnic without home-made snacks!" she said, in the easy manner of someone who refused to admit she'd forever fail at cooking. "I, um, kinda ended up with more than I expected, so make sure you eat plenty."
Souji paled, and Yosuke whispered, "Oh, crap."
"Don't worry, Senpai!" Rise smirked and lifted her wicker basket. "I made some too."
This tipped Yosuke over the edge into theatrics, which Rise ignored in favour of following Chie down the steps to the riverbank. While Yosuke raged about the unfairness of life, specifically every girl he knew repeatedly trying to poison him, Yukiko stepped closer to Kanji, her own bag clutched to her chest. "Please tell me you brought something, Kanji-kun."
"Yeah, we're good." The omelette cook-off had taught him a valuable lesson. One that made him warily eye Yukiko's bag. "So, uh, did you-"
"One of the chefs at the inn took care of it." She smiled. "We're good."
A one-in-two chance of food poisoning was better than three in four. Kanji gave her a thumbs-up and descended the steps to the bank.
If 'team-bonding' meant 'patching things up with Souji', the evening didn't start well. He wandered down the shoreline as soon as the first blanket was laid on the ground, and Yosuke soon followed. Still, the five left behind did the best they could. Yukiko and Kanji laid out more blankets, Rise and Chie unpacked the snacks and drinks, and everyone ignored Teddie pestering them for their phone numbers. Something about a cellphone Yosuke had given him, and how anyone who didn't reveal their number might miss out on a hot date. Fifteen minutes later, Naoto arrived - and, after dodging Ted's demands, went to stand on one of the flat stone outcroppings that stretched into the river. Kanji settled on a blanket and tried not to watch her.
It felt good to do stuff as a group that didn't involve kicking Shadow butt. Last time was the ryokan, and in that case he would've taken his chances with the Shadows. He'd expected this picnic to turn out even worse - all stiff silences and nobody saying what they really meant – but in practice, the atmosphere wasn't too awkward. Even Rise, who been worrying him more than Souji, seemed less edgy than he'd expected. Definitely better than she'd been at the hospital last night. She was even chatting a little with Chie and Yukiko, a conversation that somehow culminated in Chie showing off her cartwheels and back-flips along the shore.
"Wow, Chie-senpai." Rise sounded envious. "I used to be limber for dance routines, but not like _that_."
Chie waved her off. "Oh, anyone can do this, it just takes practice. Want me to show you? We can start with handstands."
"Uh, not in this outfit. Not all of us are wearing shorts, Senpai."
"Come on!" Chie looked crestfallen. "Honestly, you're as bad as Yukiko."
Both Rise and Yukiko glanced at each other - probably wondering who'd give in first - before Ted raised his hand. "I'll try!"
"Great! C'mon, we need a nice, level surface for this." Chie led him onto the same outcropping as Naoto, who looked a little annoyed at the interruption. "Right, watch first, then try to copy me."
She kicked up into a handstand in a single fluid motion. Beside her, Ted immediately tumbled forward into something that would've looked kind of like a handstand if not for the flailing legs.
"You were supposed to watch me!" Chie complained. "Naoto-kun, are his legs straight? I can't see from here."
Absently, Kanji noted that Naoto had stepped directly between Teddie and the edge of the rocks. It didn't seem important.
She glanced at Teddie, then frowned at the river behind her. "No, they aren't - but should you really be doing this so close to -"
"My arms hurt, Chie-chan!" They'd been trembling since Ted started the handstand. "And I don't know how to get down again!"
Chie tipped forward onto her feet, bracing her legs against the ground. "It's okay, just let yourself fall and- -"
Teddie did exactly as she said. Unfortunately, he did it in the wrong direction - and Naoto, preoccupied with the river, failed to notice.
Considering how light they both were and that the water was knee-high at most, they made a pretty loud splash. A sliver of Kanji's mind was impressed. The rest had launched his body forward as soon as Teddie began to tilt backwards, already knowing it wouldn't make a difference. Even Chie hadn't been close enough to help, and Yosuke and Souji had been too far away to see anything through the fog. They'd just heard the splash and Teddie's muffled yell, must've figured the two were a bad combination, and jogged back up the shore. Soon the whole team stood on the flat outcropping, staring at the two figures in the river below (except for Yukiko, who'd doubled over giggling instead.)
Ted was sitting in the shallow water, a hatless Naoto on her knees beside him. "Don't worry, Chie-chan! I figured out how to get down!"
"Jeez, Teddie! And Yukiko, you're _not_ helping."
Naoto shot Teddie a dark glare, lifted her hand to where her cap would normally be - and realized it wasn't. She shot to her feet, wide eyes frantically scouring the water.
"Better move fast, Naoto, or the Guardian'll eat it!" Yosuke crowed, then winced at the elbow Souji jabbed into his ribs.
All of Ted's apologies to Naoto had fallen on deaf (and indignant) ears. He stood, and shivered. "Ow, it's _cold_."
"It's kind of my fault you fell in." Hand held out, Chie knelt down at the edge of the rocks. "C'mon, we'll pull you up and you can borrow my jacket."
Ted's face lit up. "Wow, wearing a beautiful girl's clothes! Just like the time I borrowed Nao-chan's-"
Naoto shoved him into the water again.
"Naoto-kun!" Chie scolded.
"Accident," Naoto said, and went back to hunting for her cap.
By the time she found it and fished it from the water, Yosuke and Chie had already hauled Teddie out and were trying to dry him off with a spare blanket. The instant refusal when Kanji offered to help her too wasn't surprising - but it only took two failed attempts at climbing onto the ledge before she grabbed his hand and let him pull her up. He figured this was progress.
Now recovered, Yukiko pulled off Teddie's soggy coat and draped it over a rock near the steps. Chie wrapped her green puffy jacket around his shoulders. "C'mon, put this on before you freeze."
Wait. Ted was cold. Naoto probably was too. Might explain why her face was so flushed. And if Chie was acting chivalrous for Teddie…
Kanji wriggled out of his coat and thrust it in Naoto's general direction. "H-Here."
Naoto stared at it as if it might bite, then shot exactly the same look at him. "Unneces-"
"Take his coat, Naoto-kun," Chie threatened cheerfully, "or I'll put it on you myself."
Much like Rise, Chie had a knack for making people do what she wanted – just for a totally different reason. Naoto snatched Kanji's coat from his hands. He tried to return her mumbled thanks with a nod, but she'd already started glaring holes in the ground instead.
"You're both drenched." Souji frowned at Teddie and Naoto in turn. "We should head back."
Putting on the coat would've been easier if Naoto wasn't still clutching her hat. So far, she'd only worked her way into one of the sleeves. "Senpai, it would be pointless to return so soon after arriving. I will be fine."
"Nao-chan's right," Teddie said. "Besides, Chie-chan, Rise-chan and Yuki-chan will surely share their body heat with Teddie!" He flopped down on a blanket between Chie and Yukiko, earning a yelp from both. "And Nao-chan's got Kanji-chan."
Chie squirmed away. "Ted, why do you make everything sound so awful?"
In all other situations, Kanji would second that - but holding Naoto could _never_ sound awful. It was, however, an awful idea, especially if he was planning on speaking with her ever again.
"All right," Souji said, though he didn't look convinced. "But if either of you start feeling unwell, let the rest of us know and we'll head back."
"Here, Kanji-kun, please put this with Teddie's." Yukiko handed him Naoto's coat.
Damp wool needed proper drying, or it'd smell like a wet sheep a day later. Leaving the coat on a rock wouldn't cut it. Kanji put it down on one of Ted's discarded blankets first and tried to press as much water as possible out of the hem and sleeves. He lifted his head, wondering if there was some way to hang the thing up, and noticed Naoto watching him.
Dammit, _why_ was she watching? Didn't she trust him with her stuff? He'd considered offering to dry her waterlogged hat too, but now he didn't dare. He stalked over to the steps, coat in hand, and laid it on the same rock as Ted's.
On their blanket, he could see Chie and Yukiko both swatting Teddie away. Naoto stood next to them, Kanji's coat down to her knees and dangling over her hands. Yosuke was sitting cross-legged on a neighbouring blanket and talking at Rise, while she fiddled with the plastic boxes in her basket and pretended not to watch Souji heading off down the shoreline again.
Shit, why didn't she just talk to him?
Everyone knew Rise had a thing for Souji, maybe including Senpai himself, yet as far as Kanji knew she'd never come close to fessing up. All the times she'd poked him into approaching Naoto, and they were both still sitting in the same boat. Kanji could only see two differences in their situation: that the rest of the team treated _his_ crush as legitimate, and that Souji might actually have noticed Rise.
Kanji sat down midway up the steps and leaned back on his elbows - close enough to still see everyone through the fog, and far enough that he wouldn't have to talk with them. Nothing against the others. Just didn't feel very sociable anymore.
This made it all the more awkward when Naoto started walking toward him.
Soon as she was within hearing range, he pointed at the rock. "Your – your coat's fine. S'there next to Ted's."
"Yes, it is." She stopped at the base of the steps. "May I sit here?"
"Uh," said Kanji.
"Due to the loan of your coat, it would be expedient for us to remain proximate in case you should require me to return it." It was stilted, clipped, and very hard for him to follow. Naoto tried to fuss with her hair at the end, but only managed to flap a sleeve into her face.
Still looked cute. Way cuter than she should've. First time he'd seen a Naoto swamped in over-sized clothes, it'd zapped him in the head with a laser a few minutes later. Kanji looked at her for a moment – chin tipped up, fixing him with a stare that edged close to a glare – and swallowed. "Y-Yeah. Smart idea."
With a brief nod, she sat sideways on the step four down from his own and drew her knees up to her chest. "Are you and your mother on good terms again?" she asked.
"Been talking to me fine. S'just hard to talk back."
"She clearly cares for you a great deal."
"I know. That's why it's difficult."
Naoto didn't say anything to that. Since she was drowning in his coat, it was difficult to be certain, but it looked like she was shivering.
"Still cold?" he asked.
She hesitated. "Slightly."
…Sharing heat, Ted had said. Bear might've been on to something. Equally, Kanji might get shot just for considering said something.
Maybe he wouldn't bother wondering.
He pushed himself down the steps one at a time, both hands bearing his weight, until he was two steps above her. Naoto jolted. "Wh-What are you doing?"
"Shift 'round," he muttered.
Later that evening, he'd try and fail to decide what was more surprising: that he'd had the balls to ask, or that Naoto did what he said. It left her sitting with her back to him and her feet resting on a lower step. He moved down again so he was directly behind her, and stretched his legs out either side.
Naoto huddled into the borrowed coat. "Y-You don't - this isn't necessary."
Probably wasn't helpful either, since she'd hunched forward away from him. The whole thing felt kind of stupid - but to hell with it, she'd have to move before he would. Kanji placed both hands on her shoulders to hold his coat in place. "T-Ted's got people helpin' him to keep warm."
Admittedly, Ted had just thrown himself at everyone till they got tired of complaining, but he looked happy wedged between Chie and Yosuke. Yosuke seemed less content. Chie just looked nervous, and kept shooting glances at Ted that wound up focused on Hanamura instead.
Naoto watched them for a moment, then mumbled, "You're the one now lacking a coat. You would be in more need of warmth."
"Then this benefits us both. Right?"
No answer. And she still hadn't pulled away.
Hours passed. Or felt like they did. In reality, they'd been sitting in silence for only a few minutes - Kanji feeling sick and awkward and stoked all at the same time, how the hell was that possible - when he heard a rustling in the bushes near the top of the steps.
Startled, Naoto twisted to look even before he did, bracing herself against his right leg and peering around his side. "…Never mind. It's just a cat."
He glanced over his shoulder. "Hey, I know that one." Mostly white with a few random black splotches, like she'd splashed around in paint. "I helped Souji-senpai feed her a couple of times."
"Feed her?"
"Senpai's big into cats, 'specially strays. Told me he'd like help feeding two he met by the river, he already had five others waiting outside his door each night and his uncle was getting pissed."
The cat sat at the top of the steps for a few moments longer - probably wondering if Kanji had brought dinner - before trotting away along the path.
He looked down at Naoto. She'd settled back against him and was rubbing her hands together to warm them. Kanji was smart enough not to try to help. Didn't mean he didn't want to. He wasn't doing much better, though, with a sweater that was useless at keeping out the chill. Not that Naoto needed to know that.
"If those cats are amenable to humans, they are most likely abandoned rather than feral, explaining why they have trouble catching enough prey to feed on," she said. "You could likely adopt one as a pet."
"Nah, Ma wouldn't be happy. Fur all over the stock. My dad liked dogs but he used to say he'd never hear the end of it if he brought one home." He shifted against the step; Naoto leaned back. "You, uh, got any pets at your granddad's place?"
"There would be no point given the infrequency of my visits. He does keep Akitas as guard dogs, though - and my grandmother owned a cat while I lived with her," Naoto said. "A grey tabby."
"Thought your granddad took you in after - you know."
"After my parents died?" she filled in. "My grampa was the terminal point. Prior to that, I was placed with various relatives on a short term basis."
"They were trying to figure out who'd look after you?"
"Yes."
"How old were you?"
A pause. "Five. You?"
"Ten."
A silence curled around them - not unpleasant, but not quite comfortable. Given the topic, it was probably for the best. Unfortunately, it left Kanji with no distractions, a rapidly dwindling supply of courage, and a Naoto sitting considerably closer to him than she'd started out.
It didn't _mean_ anything, just the difference between hunching forward and leaning back, but knowing that didn't stop his heart thudding against his ribs. His left foot had started tapping out a matching rhythm on one of the lower steps. If it bothered Naoto, she said nothing. Didn't move, either. The muscles in her shoulders had tensed beneath his hands, he could tell that even through the coat, but he couldn't feel them rise and fall with her breathing. Hell, maybe she'd stopped. Kanji was rapidly finding it a challenge.
He'd told Rise he wanted to try with Naoto, work up the guts to confess even though she'd shoot him down. Then November had happened, and nothing had felt right since. Waiting till things were back to normal was the only responsible choice. It was also a great excuse for stalling.
Kanji wished he could've said it didn't matter if she rejected him, that getting his feelings off his chest would be enough, and he'd thought it _would_ - until last Friday, when he'd realized what he stood to lose. Whether by words or actions, only four people had ever convinced him they accepted who he was. Last thing he wanted was to cut that down to three.
Kanji squeezed Naoto's shoulders, just a little, and tried not to think too hard. He was a little startled when she spoke. "You're shivering."
Naoto had a knack for being observant whenever he didn't want her to be. "N-Nah! Just fine."
"Please don't take me for a fool, Kanji-kun." She stood and took off the coat, then bundled it in his lap. "Here. You clearly need it."
Kanji looked at her, then down at his temptingly warm-looking coat.
…Screw it. She had him sussed anyway. "Okay, fine," he said. "But you need it too - so we'll switch off, yeah? I take it for a while, then you."
"That would be acceptable." Her mouth quirked into an unexpected half-smile. Kanji managed a quick and bashful one in return.
"Hey, Nao-chan!"
Preoccupied with Naoto - like _that_ was new - Kanji hadn't noticed Teddie walking up behind her. "Nao-chan, I want to ask you something."
Naoto glowered. "I refuse to share any form of heat with you."
"No, I'd ask Kanji-chan for that, he's bigger." Ted's expression turned determined. "Can I talk to you? In private."
Questions like that would usually make Kanji want to dump certain bears straight back in the river, but this time it sounded genuine. Naoto looked unconvinced. "Teddie," she began, fingers pinching the bridge of her nose, "if this is some attempt to-"
"Please? It won't take long."
Sparkles had to be impending. Naoto gave in. "Very well."
They both walked a short distance along the beach in the same direction as Souji. Kanji shrugged his coat back on and told himself he wouldn't watch them - but his eyes were drawn by Ted's hand gestures, most of which seemed directed at Senpai. The longer the conversation went on, the more concerned Naoto looked, and the more glances she shot at Souji. Kanji's efforts to figure out why were interrupted by a hand waving in front of his face. "Kanji-kun, you're staring.'
"_You've_ spent half the evening gawking at Souji-senpai," he muttered. "And you look miserable every time y'do it."
Rise leaned against the handrail that led up the steps. "Since when did you pay so much attention?"
"Wasn't doing handstands or falling in the river, so I had a lot of free time." He folded his arms. "So, what's up?"
"Just stuff." She chewed at her thumbnail. "I know Souji-senpai's dealing with a lot right now, but I just - I need to talk with him."
"Then why ain't you done it?"
"He was busy with Yosuke-senpai earlier."
"And now he's not."
Rise lifted her head, and her expression hurt to look at. "He's gonna – he'll think I'm nuts, Kanji-kun. Maybe I am. It's this fog." She closed her eyes. "I keep trying so hard not to listen."
"…Listen to what?"
"You wouldn't understand unless you heard it."
He frowned, not comprehending. "You mean like in the fight?"
"That was different. I thought about what you said – and I can deal with what I heard then, because I know we're all good people, we just have a few bad parts," she said, eyes still shut and voice increasingly unsteady. "The problem is what I'm hearing now."
Souji would know how to handle this. Kanji, on the other hand, was at a loss. He was still grasping for the right words when Rise latched onto his arm.
"It won't go away." Her eyes were wide open. "It's like scanning inside the television, but all the time, and I can hear _everyone_."
"Tell Senpai. He can tell alla'us how to fix it, he always does. Just ain't been himself lately."
Rise chuckled weakly, though Kanji wasn't sure why. "He's really good at acting, you know. Being what everyone wants. But he can't do it right now and I don't think anyone gets that."
Both her hands were still clutching his arm. Souji was still standing by the water.
Kanji eased out of her grip and looked down at her. "But maybe somebody could."
The hurt expression when he broke away lasted barely a moment. She blinked up at him, looked at Souji – then walked down to the river, steps nervous but quick.
When he realized where she was headed, Teddie's hand gestures and his conversation with Naoto both stopped dead. They both watched in silence – Ted looking surprised, Naoto's expression impossible to read – as Rise approached Souji, hands clasped in front of her, and started talking to him. Kanji couldn't hear her words and both of them were slightly hazy in the fog – but he still saw Souji nod, just once, and Rise take hold of his hand.
* * *
**December 3****rd****, 2011**
"So what price range are you looking at?" Yosuke asked.
Souji had checked two price tags so far and winced at both. This was the third. "No sales pitches, Yosuke."
"Hey, that's not fair! I'm getting you staff discount on this!"
Junes had caused little but trouble for Inaba's old stores and businesses, but Kanji could understand its popularity. The store had _everything_ - and a lot of it. The furniture section was no exception: seven kotatsu models on display and, according to Yosuke, eight more available on special order. The largest one wouldn't have fit any living room Kanji had seen. Souji kept walking around the various models, looking at them in a way that suggested he wasn't actually seeing them.
Yosuke and Chie's tactic had been sound, going to Souji rather than waiting for him to come to them, and it seemed like he was trying – but it still hadn't fixed things. By now, Kanji wasn't sure what would.
Fifteen minutes later, Souji still hadn't decided. Even Yosuke seemed less enthusiastic, and Kanji was grateful when Rise, Naoto and Teddie appeared at the top of the escalator nearby.
Ted beamed at Souji and ran toward him, almost tripping into an old woman's shopping cart on the way. "Hey, Sensei! Did - sorry, lady! - did you pick a kotatsu for Nana-chan yet?"
"Nope. Find any good toys for her?"
"Is Nanako-chan too young for video games?" Naoto asked, looking hopeful.
If Yosuke had been standing on the other side of the shop floor, Kanji still would've seen his eyes light up. "Dude, that's an awesome idea! We could get a PS2 pretty cheap, couple of games, she'd love it!"
"Correction: _you_ would. Let's stick to Loveline or toy animals for Nanako-chan." Souji quirked an eyebrow at Naoto. "Or my uncle's going to think you're a bad influence, Naoto-kun."
Surprisingly, this didn't get a rise out of her. Not a hint of indignation. She just went quiet instead.
No matter how exhausted she looked, Rise was still ready to pick up the slack. Kanji hadn't known a pout could look so irritated. "We checked out the stuffed bears too, Senpai. Every shelf I looked at had a mini-Risette at the front." She glared at Teddie. "'Bonus Bouncing Bikini' edition."
"Teddies and Rise-chans belong together," Ted said with a solemn nod.
Rise ignored him. "It's your job to keep an eye on him, Yosuke-senpai! Those dolls really _aren't_ for kids, you know?"
"Then who are they - " Naoto's blush would've rivaled a stoplight. "Oh."
"Yep. Maybe I should get Souji-senpai one for his birthday."
"That's not till February," Souji pointed out.
Ted's face fell. "It isn't?"
"Why's it matter?" Kanji said. "Senpai's still gonna be in town."
"But I won't." Teddie frowned at the nearest kotatsu, flipping the price tag back and forth. "I don't wanna leave before Nanako-chan gets better...but you kept your promise to me. So I have to keep mine, too."
Rise gave a gentle tug on the drawstring of his coat's hood. "Don't be silly. Nanako-chan would be really sad if you weren't there when she wakes up."
"Dude, nobody said you had to go anywhere. You can stay as long as you want." Yosuke glanced at Souji. "Right, partner?"
"Of course."
Would've been nice if Souji had sounded like he really meant that. Kanji hoped he did, and just didn't have it in him to show it.
He tapped a fist against Ted's shoulder. "Anyway, man, you can't leave before you try out a kotatsu. Cold winter's day, snuggled up with your legs warm - there's nothin' like it."
Teddie turned to Naoto. "Nao-chan, will you snuggle with me?"
"No."
"Rise-ch-"
"Nope."
"You're both so _cruel_," he lamented, then looked up at Kanji. "How about you, Kanji-chan?"
Kanji's instinctive response was: _are you gonna be in that fuzzy suit_. Fortunately, he caught it on its way to his mouth and turned it into a growl instead. "Dammit, don't call me that!"
"Oh well." Teddie shrugged. "Hey, Chie-chan, Yuki-chan! Do you want to snuggle?" he called.
Several customers turned to stare. At the top of the escalator, Chie and Yukiko shot him equally mortified glares.
"Try to keep it down, Ted," Yosuke muttered, though he seemed more interested in Yukiko's shopping basket. Looking closely, Kanji could understand why. Crabmeat, maple syrup, pickled daikon, miso paste...did they have an actual recipe in mind, or were they just going to sling it all in a pot and take cover?
Yosuke eyed the basket like it might explode. "Tangerines, you said."
"Yes, we found them." Yukiko's expression turned sheepish. "And a few other things."
"I had a great idea for Nanako-chan's welcome-home meal," Chie said, and either missed or ignored Yosuke's wince. "So, we got ingredients for a test-run!"
"Which you're totally not gonna charge to me, right?"
She frowned. "Why would we do something like that?"
"Remember the clothes you got for Ted? I do!" Yosuke threw up his hands. "You have any idea how much overtime I had to work to pay that off?"
"Well, _I _can't help it if Junes overcharges for things," Chie shot back, arms folded. "Maybe you should write a letter to head office."
"Guess I can't blame you for getting over-excited. Not like you've ever had the chance to help a guy shop before!"
Yukiko, Kanji and Rise all winced.
"_What_ did you just say?" roared Chie.
Teddie stepped in - arms spread magnanimously, voice honey-smooth. "C'mon, baby. Don't fight over-"
"_Stay out of this!_"
At least Chie and Yosuke could agree on _something_. Yukiko ushered Ted away. "Believe me, Teddie, it's not worth trying."
"Yeah, let's ride it out upstairs," Rise said. "I wanna go check out the girls' clothing."
Kanji blinked at her. "You like Junes stuff?"
"Not really, but I'm trying to talk Naoto-kun into wearing a dress and we've gotta start looking somewhere. C'mon, Senpai." Rise looped her arm through Souji's and gently tugged him toward the escalators, Teddie following close behind. Naoto kept her eyes on them as they left.
Kanji looked at her, eyebrows raised. "Y-You're gonna let her put you in a-"
"Not if I can help it," she interrupted, cheeks dusted light pink. "But Rise is - having certain difficulties at present, and the idea of me in a dress is inexplicably delightful to her."
"I think you'd look pretty," Yukiko offered hopefully. Naoto darkened from pink to red.
"Should probably go check 'em out with her," Kanji said, mostly to distract himself from blushing too. "Damage control."
Naoto glanced at her watch. "No, it's already eight-thirty. I need to leave for the police station."
"But exam week just finished," Yukiko said. "I'm sure nobody would mind if you took a break, right?"
"I neglected my casework during our finals, Yukiko-senpai. I need to catch up. I apologize." Naoto gave a quick bow, nodded to Kanji, then walked toward the downward escalator. On the way, she stopped beside Yosuke – now in the final throes of his quarrel with Chie - and handed him a small note-card. Chie glanced at it and said something Kanji didn't catch, before heading upstairs with Yukiko.
Finally, his curiosity won out, and he went to peer at the card over Yosuke's shoulder. It looked like a calendar. "Whassat?"
"The Shirogane Souji-schedule for the next two weeks." Yosuke pointed at the neat row of coloured names at the bottom. "And it's _colour-coded_. You realize you're crushing on a total dork?"
"Shut it. When's my shift?"
After studying the card for a second, he frowned. "…You don't have one. Weird. But Naoto's doing double duty. You should swap with her."
Should, not could. The difference wasn't lost on Kanji. He turned away. "C'mon, we gotta catch up with the others."
Upstairs, the Junes clothing department was a sprawling maze of garment racks and badly dressed mannequins. With the benefit of experience, Yosuke easily cut a path through to where the others were standing: Rise paging idly through a rack of pastel dresses, Yukiko holding up different coloured cardigans against Chie, and Souji already wilting with boredom.
"…Like a Sunday trip," Chie was saying. "We could go someplace where it isn't foggy all the time."
Rise glanced over her shoulder. "I'd really like that. Maybe Okina."
Teddie stuck his head through the rack of dresses; Rise squeaked. "What's in Okina, Rise-chan?"
"Shops, mostly. With _tons_ of pretty dresses."
"Damn it, don't encourage him," Yosuke grumbled. "It's bad enough that he keeps trying to wear that stupid blue maid outfit at breakfast!"
Man, Naoto's weird dress. Ted could do so much better. "Weren't you gonna give that back to Naoto after the pageant?"
_"Dude_." The gleam in Yosuke's eyes would've lit up a baseball stadium. "That was Naoto's?"
…Oh, _shit_.
Five pairs of eyes turned on Kanji, and he fought the urge to run out the store. "Uh – I-I -"
"That's right!" Teddie said, and, before Kanji could throttle him, added, "Nao-chan bought the dress when she was helping me get ready for the pageant."
Everyone seemed cool with this explanation - except Yosuke, who cocked an eyebrow. "When did she have time to go shopping? And where'd she get it?"
"Dunno. But it took a while for her to get back, and that's why I was late going on stage."
"Yeah, I remember _that_. I thought you'd bailed out."
"Kind of a shame he didn't." Chie grinned. "Pretty little Hanamura-chan might've been Miss Yasogami!"
"With the crap you made me wear? I swear, Satonaka, you have no clue how girls dress!"
Another high-volume quarrel ignited. Kanji slunk behind a rack of Capri pants and tried to look inconspicuous.
Judging by the raised voices, Yukiko and Rise soon got involved in the argument too. Security would chuck them out at this rate, Yosuke included – but on the bright side, Naoto might let Kanji live. Flush with relief, and trying hard to ignore the racket, he didn't notice Teddie until he peered over the rack. "These pants won't suit you, Kanji-chan."
"Why the hell would I even pick'em up? Junes only sells crap," Kanji snapped, then realized he probably should've complained about the Capri part first. Ted didn't seem to mind. "Hey, how come you didn't fess up 'bout Naoto's dress?"
"Remember when we were going home from the river?" Ted whispered, and Kanji nodded. "Nao-chan walked next to me. She said that if I _ever_ told anyone else about her dress, she'd lock me up in jail for a million years, then let me out, then throw me back in for a billion more."
"That's rough, man."
"I don't mind, though. I haven't seen any dresses here as nice as the one she gave me, and she said I could keep it!"
Ted had awful taste, but the gift was probably for the best. In his full pageant get-up, he'd _almost_ made the dress look good. Trying to picture Naoto wearing it gave Kanji a headache. Didn't help that his imaginary dress-wearing Naoto was still in her cap and brandishing a pistol.
Someone's cellphone rang. He looked back at the others – the argument had petered out into banter – and noticed Souji step aside and flip open his phone. Senpai looked a little irritated at first, like he'd prefer not to talk to whoever was calling. Five seconds later, he turned white.
In the few long strides it took Kanji to reach him, he'd already hung up. Souji stared into space, opened his mouth, closed it again – and his gaze snapped to the others. "We – we have to go."
The banter stopped dead. Yosuke's eyes turned wary. "Go where? What's – "
"The hospital. Nanako-chan's..." Souji shoved through the group and headed for the escalators. "We have to go. _Now_."
33. Interlude 8
_Doing my best to improve my update rate. Combination of RL commitments, overly long chapters, fussiness. Sorry, I know the wait is frustrating. Really appreciate those of you who are sticking with the story nonetheless. (Just realized it broke 200K words last chapter? Terrifying)_
_This interlude covers Dec 3rd. Next episode will have a dose of levity. Advance warning - we veer slightly away from the game's plotline over the next few installments.
_
_Story so far: The team tried to build bridges via a picnic and shopping trip – culminating in a phone call Souji never wanted to receive._
_In this interlude: Namatame is still a threat, but Naoto finds the perfect solution._
* * *
**December 3****rd****, 2011**
The records room in the Inaba police station was close to the center of the building, and had no cellphone reception. Naoto hadn't thought this would ever matter.
She'd been poring over shelves of dusty folders – some stuffed with yellowing paperwork that dated back two generations - in the hope of finding some clue that could be used in the case, some past reference to Namatame that the other investigators had missed. The Inaba department was nothing if not hopelessly disorganized and after two hours she'd conceded defeat. Not until she was back at her desk, ten minutes later, did she think to check her phone.
Naoto entered the hospital lobby almost at a jog, Rise's choked message – that it didn't matter what Naoto was doing, she needed to get to the hospital _right now_ - still echoing in her head. It had taken too long to get here; Inaba's only cab company had few drivers willing to risk the fog and she hadn't felt able to ask any of her colleagues for transport. Ishikawa had been the one she'd finally approached, if only because he had always treated her as indifferently as everyone else. She'd been surprised that he agreed. As she stood in the elevator, she wondered whether she'd remembered to thank him.
Nanako's room was on the fifth floor. Naoto had expected to see the team standing in the corridor outside, but instead found only Rise and Kanji – the former hunched over in a chair, the latter standing by the window and staring at the floor. "Rise-chan?"
Rise shot to her feet. "Naoto-kun! I-I'm sorry, I should've called sooner, we were just rushing here and-"
"It's fine. How is Nanako-chan?"
The question needn't have been asked. Rise's expression was answer enough. "N-Not good. The doctors said she might - " She bit her lip and shook her head.
Naoto glanced at Kanji. He hadn't spoken since her arrival. She wasn't certain he had even looked up.
She turned back to Rise. "I assume the senpai are- -"
The sentence was cut off by a sudden cry from inside Nanako's room. It was painful, rough-edged, and though Naoto couldn't discern any words – couldn't even be certain who'd made it - its meaning was obvious.
Rise stared at the door, eyes already glistening. "Oh, _no..._" She stepped back once, twice, then crumpled into the chair she'd stood from and started sobbing.
Numbly, Naoto sat down beside her. The door to the room clicked open, and she turned to see Dojima walking out, closely followed by one of the doctors.
" – did everything we could, but we just ran out of time," the doctor was saying. She couldn't see his face – Kanji was blocking her view – but the sorrow in his voice was evident.
Dojima made no response. As he limped down the corridor past her, Naoto saw his expression perfectly, and wished she hadn't.
Though they'd frequently clashed during in the summer, she respected Dojima. He deserved his privacy. But Rise - whose sobs were closer to convulsions, who hadn't even looked up at the sound of the opening door - Rise, Naoto could help to calm, so that Souji wouldn't have to-
The thought was shattered by Kanji's pained roar and the sickening thud of his knuckles against the corridor wall.
Part of Naoto's mind was instinctively disgusted by this lack of self-control. Another was concerned by the potential damage to his hand. Another still looked at him – shoulders heaving, palms and head pressed against the wall – and wished desperately she could fix things. "Kanji-kun- -" she began, but she'd opened her mouth without knowing what to say. Then he glanced sideways, caught her eye, and she realized she never would.
Comforting others was too foreign a task. She'd gripped Rise's shoulder at some point, her hand moving with each shuddering sob, but Naoto had no idea what else to do, just that it was vital to do _something,_ if only to avoid thinking about- -
No. Process it later.
Footsteps sounded down the corridor to her left. Shoes, not slippers, and therefore unlikely to be Dojima's. She peered around Rise and saw Adachi ambling toward them, suit rumpled and tie typically askew.
"Hey, Shirogane - what's with Dojima-san?" he asked. "He's given me some looks before, but..."
Kanji, still leaning against the wall, did not look up. "Hell are you doin' back here."
"Nothing much. Why, what's wrong?" A slow dread crept over Adachi's face. "Wait...is Nanako-chan-"
"_Don't_ act like you frickin' care." Kanji pivoted to face him, fists tight. "'Or d'you still want me to put you through a TV?"
Such an overreaction was partially excusable given the circumstances, but one of them ought to keep their composure. Naoto laid a hand on his forearm. "Kanji-kun, there's no-"
The door opened a second time. She'd expected Souji, but Yosuke walked out instead.
"Souji...asked me to check on his uncle," he said, voice still rough and unsteady. Naoto wondered if it was his cry she'd heard. "Make sure he gets back to his room."
Adachi blinked. "Uh...he was kinda heading in the wrong direction."
"Dojima-san was walking toward the elevators. His room is two floors down," Naoto pointed out.
"Exactly. Two floors _down_. He went up."
"You sure?" Yosuke asked.
"Yeah, he took the car I got out of. But why would he -" Adachi paled, worry lining his forehead. "- oh, crap, he wouldn't..."
"Wouldn't what?"
"N-Namatame. He's on the ninth floor. But Dojima-san isn't-"
Yosuke looked aghast. "Namatame's still _here_?"
Among the Inaba police force, it was a poorly kept secret that Taro Namatame was being treated at the same hospital as two of his victims. Naoto had elected not to divulge it to the team; Yosuke's reaction validated her choice.
"He hasn't been transported yet," Adachi attempted to explain, "we're trying to-"
One long stride, and Kanji grabbed his collar. "You're _trying_? How about you fricking do something instead?"
"Kanji-kun, _stop it_!"
Rise's sobs had grown so quiet, Naoto had tuned them out. Now she was glaring at Kanji, tears streaming down her face. The anger in his expression drained away in an instant - and with a mumbled apology, he released Adachi and backed away. It was...disconcerting that Rise had disarmed him so easily, but his emotions were running high.
Naoto wondered distantly why her own weren't. The sorrow she'd felt the night they returned from Heaven's Castle had almost driven her to break down in this same corridor, and yet now was entirely absent. In its place was a single wrenching, sickening certainty: that Namatame had murdered Nanako, and no-one would be able to prove it.
"Your assumptions concerning Dojima-san's intentions are most likely inaccurate," she heard herself saying. "Yosuke-senpai and I will check the ninth floor, to make certain."
Adachi looked at her, bemused and bewildered as ever. "Y-Yeah, okay. Room 912. Turn left from the elevator and take the second right."
"Tell the others where we are," Yosuke said to Kanji, then slipped past Adachi and followed Naoto down the corridor.
The elevators were close and she'd hoped to avoid conversation on the way. Yosuke disappointed her.
"What the hell were they thinking, keeping Namatame here?" he muttered. "And why didn't Adachi tell us?"
"This is Inaba's largest and best-equipped hospital." The elevator doors opened, and they stepped inside. "And the details of a suspect's hospitalization are strictly confidential, Senpai."
She didn't need to look at Yosuke to know he was rolling his eyes. "Give me a break, Naoto-kun. You know it's a dumb idea too."
No, it was an idea born of difficult circumstances. The doctors knew as little about Namatame's condition as they did – _had_ – Nanako's, and the nearest hospital with sufficient expertize to treat him was fifty miles away. Explaining this, however, would not improve Yosuke's temperament.
The elevator reached the ninth floor, and the doors opened to the sound of an angry, raised voice.
"I need _permission_? Who gave _him_ permission to kill Nanako? Tell me that!"
Adachi needn't have bothered with directions. Yosuke and Naoto glanced at each other, then ran toward the source of the commotion. At the end of a long corridor, in front of room 912, Dojima was grappling with two uniformed police guards. Neither seemed certain how to handle the situation, or fully convinced that they should keep their superior officer out of the room.
Naoto stepped closer. "Dojima-san, please –"
"Stay out of this, Shirogane!" he snapped without turning, and shoved past the leaner of the two guards. "I know you're in there, Namatame!"
"Dojima-san," the other guard was saying, "you need to return to your room, you're going to make yourself-"
"Give Nanako back, you bastard!" Dojima's stance quivered with rage but his voice was ragged, and his shoulders began to curve. "She's - she's all I have, she's - the only..." He sagged, knees buckling - the two guards barely able to support his weight.
"Dojima-san!" Adachi was running toward them. "Quick, get him back to his room, I'll alert the doctors!"
His decision to come here was unsurprising given Kanji's earlier behaviour. Naoto chalked the sudden hostility up to grief; Adachi was frequently stupid, misguided, or both, but not malicious. He'd already dashed off again in search of a doctor, the two guards following at a slower pace with Dojima hanging between them.
As the men left, Naoto glanced at Yosuke, who stood facing the closed door to Namatame's room.
"Adachi-san said the charges won't stick," he said.
"...Yes."
"And that there's no way to prove Namatame's guilt in court." He glared at her, lips curled into a painful attempt at a sneer. "You, you're supposed to be a hotshot detective, can't _you_ do something?"
Naoto forced herself not to flinch.
Yosuke's question was one she had been asking herself ever since Nanako-chan disappeared. The answer was now painfully obvious. She swallowed, her throat tight. "A conviction is next to impossible."
"Guess Dojima-san knew that too."
"As do we."
Yosuke's gaze met her own, and stayed locked for a moment too long.
_We're the only ones who know what he really deserves_. Kanji's words. He'd probably thought nothing of them, but they'd played on her mind all week.
Nanako was dead. Namatame had murdered her. No-one could prove it.
Naoto turned, breaking eye contact with Yosuke, and they walked back to the elevators.
When they reached Nanako's room, Rise and Kanji had been joined by the other senpai. Yukiko had taken the seat between Rise and Chie and, despite her own tears, was attempting to comfort them both. Kanji was still starting out of the window. Souji, meanwhile, stood just outside the door, looking so set apart from his friends that they may as well have been on different planets. He turned and his eyes were wet with unshed tears - but empty, hollow. "Kanji said you'd gone after my uncle?" he said.
"Dojima-san went to Namatame's room." Naoto steeled herself. "Which nobody is currently guarding."
The sentence hung in the air.
"We could talk to him," Yosuke said, too casually. "If we're quick."
Yukiko glanced up, one hand still clutching Chie's. "B-But we can't just-"
"S'good idea," Kanji interrupted.
"I - " Souji ran his palm over his face, smearing wetness from his eyes to his cheeks. "I don't know if –"
Yosuke grabbed his arm. "C'mon, partner. Won't take long."
They ushered him away, the remainder of the team following. Souji didn't say a word as they walked, or as the elevator climbed to the ninth floor, or as they finally stood outside Namatame's unguarded room, swapping nervous glances and shuffling their feet against the tiled floor.
After much coaxing from Yukiko, Chie had finally stemmed her tears. "Guys, I-I don't think this is a good idea. Can't we just go home?"
Yosuke's hand was already on the door. "We're just gonna talk to him," he said, and pushed it open. He was the first inside, Naoto a moment behind.
The room beyond was large and cold. Far colder than the rest of the hospital – and the source was the open window on the opposite wall. Namatame was nowhere to be seen.
Surely he hadn't-
Kanji sucked in a breath. "Shit, the window – don't tell me that bastard -"
Whoever was last to enter had closed the door behind them. Faint light from street lamps seeped through the fog outside, but only enough to identify outlines: a bed here, a television there. Naoto stepped further inside, wondering how an injured man could possibly flee from the ninth floor – and, as she passed the bed nearest the window, heard a broken sob that indicated he hadn't. Souji was behind her in a moment, breathing almost as hard as the figure huddled beneath the window.
It was unlikely that Namatame recognized any of his would-be victims in the dim light, but still he shrank back further. "I–I–I c-can't- -"
"Everything that's happened," Souji said, barely more than a whisper, "and you won't face what you've done?"
"No surprise there." Kanji moved between her and Souji, grabbed the collar of Namatame's gown, and pulled him away from the wall.
"We should observe him carefully," Naoto said. "Someone turn on the lig-"
Behind her, the television flickered into life.
There was no image at first, only the hiss and crackle of static. Naoto assumed one of them had stepped on the remote in the dark. Then the grey noise resolved itself into a figure, and the static into chuckling.
"It must be midnight," Rise said. "But why are we seeing-"
On the screen was Namatame - not the man cowering beside them in a hospital gown, but the Namatame they'd met and fought in Heaven's castle. Judging by the stone statues behind him, he was still there. The sky was cloudless, and cast garish blue light into the hospital room.
The camera zoomed in on his face. _"I failed to save her. And it's your fault."_
Yosuke glanced between the man on the floor and his twin on the screen. "Wait, a third Namatame? How? The real one's here and we already beat his Shadow."
"Which he never faced," Naoto said. "It never returned to his body as a Persona."
_"I failed," _the Shadow repeated, "_but it wasn't my fault – and the law can't touch me."_
Yukiko drew a sharp breath. "...Is this what he's really thinking?"
Namatame's Shadow tipped back his green cap, his eyes glowing yellow beneath. The over-saturated colours looked surreal. _"I'll continue "saving" people. It's my mission," _ he added, and Naoto's stomach seemed to crawl down to her feet.
His mission. He'd do it all over again. Nanako was dead, Namatame had murdered her, Namatame would kill many more and nobody would _ever_ be able to prove any of it.
Yosuke lurched forward, as if – absurdly – to attack the man on screen. "No way. No way is he gonna-"
_"Living or dying, it makes no difference." _The Shadow shrugged. "_Do whatever you want with me."_
It sounded like a challenge. Or an invitation.
Naoto glanced at Souji – limbs stiff, mouth tight, and his terrible empty eyes – then immediately looked back at the television. Horizontal lines flickered over the screen, and the Shadow's lips twisted into a sneering smile. _"Except you can't. You can't do it, can you?"_
...Couldn't they, now.
Enough provocation and a response was guaranteed. Namatame knew this. Perhaps he wanted to be stopped. Naoto was disinclined to care. The Shadow was gone now, his low laughter cut off by the end of the Midnight Channel transmission, and the television's screen was as dark as the room.
"No, no," Namatame babbled, "not me - never said it – not what I-I-"
"He gave us permission." Kanji stepped toward him.
Yukiko recoiled. "Wha- -no, Kanji-kun!"
"Are you crazy?" Chie hissed, with a sharp, nervous gesture toward the closed door. "What're you going to do, beat him up in a _hospital_?"
Kanji hesitated, fists clenching and unclenching at his sides. "...Never said that."
Nonetheless, it was a salient point. Physical violence would attract an unwanted level of attention. They needed to prevent future murders, deliver justice for those that had already occurred - and they had to do so within the confines of this room, without alerting staff or leaving evidence.
The others had fallen into an argument. Naoto stepped aside, seeking space to think, and caught her elbow against the edge of the television set.
She turned, then lifted her hand and skimmed it over the surface of the screen. Ripples followed her fingers.
"This must be a luxury suite," she said. The arguing abruptly stopped. "Most hospital rooms don't have such large televisions."
Chie's voice trembled. "Naoto-kun?"
"A careless oversight. By entering this, the suspect could escape at a moment's notice. And, should he choose to do so, he might find that there's no way out."
"Wait, you - are you actually serious?" Rise asked.
Naoto gave a single, tight nod.
It was perfect. An obvious escape to the few members of the police force who put stock in the television theory. Leave the window open, and the remainder would choose to believe he escaped through that. By tomorrow, it would no longer matter.
"Naoto's right," Yosuke said. He and Kanji were flanking Namatame, who rocked back and forth between them. "All we have to do is put him in. One thing. Then it's all over."
By this stage, his tone held more exhaustion than anger. Naoto could sympathize. One thing, and this case – one of the most harrowing she'd worked, purely because she'd grown attached – would finally end. Nothing would bring Nanako back, but they could ensure her death would be the last.
Or second to last.
"You – you can't. It's _wrong_!" Rise protested. "Naoto-kun, Yosuke-senpai, how can you even imagine doing that?"
"Exactly! What's gotten into you guys?" Chie raised her hands, palms up. "I-I mean, what if they find our fingerprints when – when he's-"
"Incurred in our attempt to prevent his escape," Naoto said.
This improbable scenario was most likely an attempt to stall. The three girls wore near-identical looks of anxiety – though where Chie's was tinged with frustration, and Yukiko's with disbelief, Rise looked close to tears. It was fortunate, Naoto decided, that at least one individual in the room remained capable of rational thought.
For some reason, Chie now chose to direct her hysteria at Yosuke. "This is crazy! We can't do something like that!"
"You're okay with letting him off the hook?" Yosuke snarled. "Letting all of it happen all over again?"
"This isn't about what I'm _okay_ with! Souji, talk to him!"
Souji's loss was by far the greatest. He would understand why they needed to do this. But he'd said nothing since the Midnight Channel's conclusion, and Chie's appeal was answered with a shake of his head. In the dim light, Naoto couldn't decode his expression, and doubted she wanted to.
Something odd and cold was twisting behind her ribs. She squared her shoulders. "Those of you who want no part of this are welcome to leave."
Kanji hadn't moved from Namatame's side. "S'right. Any of you wanna turn your back and walk away, fine. I ain't."
Nanako was dead. Namatame had murdered her. Proving it was irrelevant, because Namatame would not kill again.
Naoto turned to Souji. "Senpai?"
Silence. Souji stared at Namatame, unmoving, unblinking - then turned away. "...Throw the bastard in."
For a heartbeat, the room was utterly still. Then everything happened at once.
Yosuke and Kanji grabbed Namatame's arms and began to drag him across the floor. Namatame kicked out, trying to tangle his legs around the metal bed-frame, his broken pleas – "No, no – p-please, I didn't – I-I was trying to help!" - ignored. Chie launched forward straight into Souji's outstretched arm, and Rise was telling him they couldn't do this, they _couldn't_, did he have any idea what he was saying?
Yukiko had turned her attentions elsewhere. "Kanji-kun, please – you're better than this!"
Kanji ignored her. He and Yosuke had reached the television and they yanked Namatame to his feet. He hung from their arms, momentarily suspended between them both, before they tipped him toward the screen – his body twisting, legs kicking wildly.
"Please," he begged, "I-I just wanted to save her! So she wouldn't be killed!"
Naoto paused.
A grunt came from Souji's direction. Though he was still facing the door, she saw him stagger a moment, one hand clutching his head.
"And now we'll save _you." _Yosuke lifted Namatame at the waist and forced his head through the rippling screen.
...No. One thing, and it was all over. She held her breath, watching Namatame's fingers clutch uselessly at the the television's frame, Kanji and Yosuke dodging his flailing legs. The moment stretched out as they tilted him further and further forward, time almost seeming to stop – until Souji lunged forward, grabbed the back of Namatame's gown, and pulled hard.
Unprepared, Kanji and Yosuke both released their grip, and Namatame tumbled back into the room.
"Stop." Souji's shoulders heaved with each ragged breath. "W-We aren't doing this."
Kanji glared at him. "The hell?"
Senpai was a rational man. Why would he –
"Why not?" Naoto blurted.
"Because it isn't right." He stared at Namatame, now curled up and shivering on the floor. "Because we're not like him."
"You're the one sayin' it," Kanji growled, grabbing Namatame's arm again.
Naoto felt her jaw tense. "Senpai, perhaps you should leave the room."
"Fine. Let me give you another reason: what if we're wrong?" Souji said, with unbearable patience. "You've worked non-stop on Namatame's case since we brought him back. Why do you think it's been so difficult to prove him guilty?"
Because there was insufficient admissible evidence. Because a court of law would never believe tales of monsters inside televisions.
This was ridiculous. When had she started looking instinctively to one person for guidance – for permission, even? She'd always acted alone and she'd certainly never followed the lead of those she outdid in both skill and experience.
...But there was more to it, wasn't there?
Souji studied her. "Naoto-kun?"
Souji Seta possessed something Naoto didn't, something she couldn't even name. And he'd tugged out the doubts she'd shoved to the back of her mind: Namatame's solid alibi for the first murder, the lack of a clear motive, the confusion over what 'saving' truly meant.
_I just wanted to save her, so she wouldn't be killed._
What if Souji was right?
Naoto swallowed, hard. "Very well."
Yosuke's eyes widened. "Oh, hell, no - you're bailing too? Kanji, you're still sane, right?"
"I -" Kanji frowned. His grip on Namatame's arm loosened. "Shit, I dunno. Can't follow any of this."
"You want revenge. I do too," Souji said, carefully. "But we have to find the truth."
With a hissed curse, Yosuke stormed so close to Souji they were almost toe-to-toe. "The 'truth' is that bastard killed three people. He murdered Nanako-chan! How the hell can you be so calm?"
"Yosuke - "
"No, don't even start! If you're too gutless to follow through on this, I'll do it myself, because I actually give a shit that Saki-senpai and Nanako-chan are-"
The crack of Souji's hand against his face cut him short.
To his credit, he made no sound. He simply steadied himself and stared back at Souji, both of them breathing hard.
"Yosuke." Souji lowered his hand. "Shut up."
Save for the sound of Namatame's sobs, the room was silent. An angry red patch had already blossomed on Yosuke's cheek; at least Souji had chosen an open palm over a fist.
"Guys," Rise began, voice quivering, "we need to calm down. _Please_."
Chie nodded. "Y-Yeah. Doing this wouldn't change anything." Yosuke let out a grunt at that, but nothing else.
"Exactly. We need to take a step back," Souji said. His expression shifted – and in a detached tone, as if reciting words from a script, he added, "This may be a time for contemplation rather than action."
"Rich coming from the guy who just whacked me in the face." Yosuke muttered, rubbing at his cheek. He sighed. "C'mon. Those guards won't be gone long. Let's get out of here."
* * *
While the rest of the team headed to the ground floor lobby, Souji went to check on his uncle, and Naoto had followed. This was a reasonable choice; Dojima was a respected colleague. Naoto had explained this to Rise - whom Souji had eventually dissuaded from following – with only limited success.
When they arrived, the doctors had mildly sedated Dojima and were still treating his reopened wounds. Souji had suggested this as the reason for the sedation, though the more likely aim was to keep his uncle in one place. He and Naoto stood together outside Dojima's room, Souji peering through the small glass window on the door, and though the silence was uncomfortable, she felt no better when he broke it.
"I told my uncle I'd save her," he said.
As had Naoto, immediately after Nanako's kidnapping. Promises they'd failed to keep.
Souji turned to look at her. "Did I make the right choice?"
"I'm sorry?"
"That might've been our one chance. But – I think we did the right thing. My head, it was the same feeling as when-"
If there was an ending to the statement, he chose not to voice it. Naoto straightened her back. "Senpai, you were right to stop us. My judgment was clouded."
"You weren't alone."
"No. But I know better than to behave so irrationally." Even if it had seemed rational at the time, and – to an extent – still did.
"I wanted to hurt him too." Souji winced, and shook his head. "I - wanted you and Yosuke and Kanji to hurt him."
Naoto had chosen to believe that Souji did not truly understand the sway he held over his friends. The alternative was too dangerous. Yet, even if he _did_, there was a limit to his influence. "And it would have been our choice."
He turned back to the door, eyes closed. "I've been a hypocrite. Spent two weeks hung up on the stuff Rise heard when we fought Namatame, and then I tell you all to kill someone."
"It wasn't your idea, Senpai. And...we understand your prior frustration at our behaviour." It was a half-truth at best, but Souji seemed - _different_. Fragile, even, and honesty felt too brutal.
"I thought you all looked up to me, that you were ungrateful because you didn't." He chuckled in a way Naoto didn't like at all; humourless and desperate. "I don't know what to think, now. What sort of person I really am."
"Kanji-kun says we all have dark aspects to our personalities, even those of us who have confronted our Shadows." Though from what Naoto recalled, his delivery had been somewhat less polite. "...I cannot replicate his exact phrasing."
Souji's mouth quirked in a strange, slight smile. "Not many people could. He also says you're clocking too many hours at the police station."
Which was absolutely none of Kanji's business. Naoto glared on principle, though Souji appeared not to notice.
"I heard him complaining to Yukiko on the way back from the river," he continued. "I didn't realize until then...you've been putting everything you have into helping prosecute Namatame." His expression was thoughtful, soft - and entirely unfamiliar. "Thank you."
Since joining the team, Naoto had desperately wanted Souji to acknowledge her efforts. She hadn't anticipated how awkward she would feel when he did. "You permitted me to join your group because of my abilities as a detective," she said, trying to ignore the heat racing over her face. "Ineffective as they may have proven."
The same strange smile. "That wasn't the reason."
"W-We should return to the lobby," Naoto managed, already turning away in the hope she wouldn't catch fire.
"Go on ahead. Tell the others I won't be long." At her look of confusion, he explained further. "I – there's somewhere I have to go. A favour I need to ask."
Despite her curiosity, something in his expression told Naoto not to press the issue. Instead, she dipped her cap and walked back to the elevators – noticing as she did that, rather than going somewhere, Souji had turned to stare at one of the corridor's blank walls.
Down in the lobby, the rest of the team were huddled together on two opposing rows of chairs: Rise, Chie and Yukiko on one side, Kanji in the center of the other, and Yosuke standing behind him with a cellphone pressed to one ear. Kanji glanced at Naoto as she approached, then went back to staring at the narrow gap under Chie's chair.
Something seemed amiss, yet there was nothing unusual in his expression. Naoto took the seat facing Rise, and pushed the matter no further.
"Souji-senpai will be down shortly," she explained. "He has...somewhere to go first."
"Okay. I hope he's done soon." Rise looked at Kanji, her head slightly tipped. "You okay, Kanji-kun?"
He was hunched over, arms resting sideways on his knees. Several moments passed before he answered. "I almost did it. Almost good as killed the guy. Didn't think I was like that."
"You're _not_," Rise shot back.
Naoto leaned back in the chair, arms tightly folded, shoulders angled forward. "It was my idea."
"You weren't the one draggin' him across the floor."
"Would it have crossed your mind had I not proposed it?"
Kanji glanced at her over his shoulder. "I wanted to stop the bastard before you said a word."
She held his gaze, jaw tensed. "But would you have thrown him in?"
"...Prob'ly not."
The sense of victory was both fleeting and ridiculous. "Exactly," she said, though he'd already looked away. "Rise is correct in her estimation."
"Yeah. Kanji-kun's just a hothead. Maybe Yosuke-senpai too." Rise looked at her, then, eyes suddenly wary. "But Naoto-kun isn't."
The question was clear, but Naoto had no ready answer.
She had acted without due consideration, on feelings she hadn't recognized. An 'ace detective' willing to accept the most convenient answer and the vengeful solution that sprang from it. But assume Namatame _was_ guilty, that more innocents might die by his hand and the team had been in a unique position to prevent it. Why _wouldn't_ they?
Rise, Chie and Yukiko had been horrified at the prospect. Naoto couldn't fathom why. And perhaps that was the problem.
She looked up, caught Rise's expectant expression, and tried for the best explanation she could. "The majority of the cases I've worked have been centered on violent crime. Murder, rape, arson, for example. Repeated exposure to a stimulus can lessen its effect." Noticing Rise's frown, Naoto attempted to clarify. "It makes you – see things in a different light."
It was a sanitized answer – preferable to _makes you less human_ – and Rise seemed placated.
"Well, I'm angry at him too," she said. "I just wouldn't have – you know. Even knowing he won't go to jail."
Idols did not typically work serial murder cases. Rise could be forgiven her lax attitude. "Twice before I've watched a culprit walk away and been powerless to stop them," Naoto said. "This time, I wasn't."
"But you're better than that! We all are. Killing someone because we think they deserve it...that's just _wrong_."
"Not if they're gonna go kill more people," Yosuke cut in.
Chie had been deep in whispered conversation with Yukiko, but his voice caught her attention. "C'mon, Yosuke. Just – drop it for a moment, okay?"
"...Yeah. Sorry." He let out a breath, blowing loose strands of hair from his face. "Hey, can one of you try calling Teddie? I can't get through, keep getting a service recording."
Yukiko had already flipped her phone open. "I thought he'd stayed with – in Nanako-chan's room."
"Me too, but I checked on the way down and he wasn't there. Hey, Souji...we can't find Ted, have you seen him?"
Naoto twisted in her seat. Behind her, Souji was approaching the row of chairs. The hard line of his mouth was unchanged, but his steps were lighter, like a heavy weight had been lifted from his back. "No, but I doubt he'll have left by himself."
He slipped around Yosuke and half-fell into the seat next to Kanji, who eyed him critically. "You look like crap, Senpai."
"Thanks, Kanji."
"Are you doing okay?" Chie asked. "I-I mean, as much as you can be."
At that – and for no reason Naoto could discern - Souji actually smiled. "I think I am, now."
Yukiko frowned. "What do you mean by-"
"Seta!"
Souji looked over his shoulder toward the elevators. "Something up, Adachi-san?"
Adachi stood behind them – pale, out-of-breath, and even more disheveled than usual. "Yeah, you have to come back upstairs! This – it's gonna sound crazy but, Nanako-chan, she – she came around!"
Yosuke's eyes widened. "Came around? But she was -"
"I know." Souji rose from his seat. "Come on, let's go see her."
* * *
Unsurprisingly, Nanako-chan had not woken. It had been irrational to imagine she might – though there was little rational about a dead child returning to life to begin with, or that Souji almost appeared to expect it. Lazarus syndrome, the attending doctors had suggested, to the general indifference of everyone else in the room. Half of them had been too busy crying, while the rest pretended not to. Owing to his sedation, Dojima had not been among them, until Souji's request that he be wheeled up by one of the staff. The team had left ten minutes later, leaving him holding his daughter's hand.
Satisfied, and some still a little tearful, they went down to the lobby together. While Yosuke continued to call Teddie, the others made plans as to who would walk home with whom in the fog.
The snow, they hadn't expected.
Yukiko peered up around the entrance awning. "December third, and it's snowing? That's strange."
"Everything 'bout this weather is," Kanji muttered.
After moving to her grandfather's estate, Naoto had soon grown to enjoy the snow. It was a predictable, comforting part of each Takayama winter. In Inaba, and especially in the fog, it felt out of place.
Chie had stepped out from the awning, and the falling flakes were catching in her hair. "It's pretty, though. Or I guess it would be without the fog. Yosuke, did you get through to Ted yet?"
Yosuke shook his head. "I dunno where he is."
"We could all look for him on our way home," Yukiko suggested.
"I'll wait here for a while in case he comes back," Souji said. "He probably doesn't know about Nanako-chan."
Although Teddie would find his own way back eventually – and although their energies would be better spent on the questions raised by the night's events – Naoto couldn't swallow the surge of concern. It was easy to forget that Teddie's experience of this world amounted to barely five months.
Rise latched on to her arm. "C'mon, Naoto-kun. You, me and Kanji-kun can search the shopping district," she said, and began walking without waiting for an answer. Tugged along in her wake, Naoto caught a glimpse of Kanji following close behind, and of Chie, Yukiko and Yosuke heading in the opposite direction.
She'd expected one of them to remain with Souji. Naoto had little talent for interpreting others' expressions, but something about Senpai's had looked wrong, and his smile had turned brittle.
Rise looked no better and her grip was almost painful. Naoto studied her – dark circles under her eyes, teeth worrying her bottom lip – and whispered, "Are you alright?"
"Yeah. Just - you know," she said, with a laugh that sounded like porcelain. "I really, _really_ hate this fog."
Rise had offered little detail on her current state, but Naoto had always prided herself on her powers of observation. If, as she suspected, the fog here was similar to the fog in the television, Rise was in an unenviable situation. "Because your Persona instinctively attempts to see through it, correct?"
"...Souji-senpai says I have to try and turn her off," Rise said – then stopped walking and turned around.
Kanji stood a meter or so away, frowning. "What?"
"I – sorry, guys. I just -" Rise gulped for breath, blinking hard. "S-Souji-senpai, he shouldn't be by himself right now. I'll make my own way home." With that she ran back toward the hospital, her figure soon disappearing into the fog.
"Ten thousand yen says Hanamura's beaten her to it," Kanji muttered.
The snow hadn't let up. At least Teddie might leave footprints they could track. "Let's check the shopping district as planned."
"But you – " Kanji paused, frowned. "We, uh, could walk to your place first."
Naoto shook her head. "Teddie would most likely go somewhere familiar, and he has never visited my apartment." A fact for which she was intensely (if somewhat guiltily) grateful. "And – I'd prefer to accompany you during the search."
Kanji stared at her.
"Two people can cover an area more efficiently," she quickly added.
"Oh." He ran a hand through his damp hair, dislodging unmelted snowflakes. "Yeah."
Naoto resolved to ignore the blush tinging his cheeks - and hoped he'd miss the heat creeping over her own.
* * *
"Dammit. If he's here, he doesn't wanna be found."
Most likely Teddie wasn't here at all. They'd twice walked the length of the district, checked each side alley they passed, and searched every corner of the shrine. Naoto had been distracted throughout. An odd pain had been gnawing inside her chest - a sensation similar to the night they'd rescued Nanako but lacking any justification.
She looked up at Kanji. "Perhaps we should stop for the night."
"Yeah. Just - " Kanji stopped, frowning at empty space. "I – need a break first."
Naoto intended to suggest he walk the short distance home, but he'd already sat down on the steps outside the old model shop. The fine layer of snow covering them dissuaded her from joining him. So did the sudden heat prickling at her eyes.
It made no sense. The night had ended, if not on a positive note, on a tolerable one. Yet Kanji looked no better; his eyes were dark, his jaw continually working. Was it because of Nanako-chan? Namatame? Emotions followed no logic. Naoto, who had never learned to correctly identify her own, knew better than to attempt to interpret Kanji's.
This knowledge didn't stop her. "I apologize," she told him.
He lifted his head. "What for?"
"Suggesting we throw Namatame in the television. Rise-chan was correct." She forced herself to hold his gaze. "You're better than that."
Kanji let out a breath. "No, I'm not. I wanted t'do it, y'know? Couldn't stop thinking about what he did to Nanako-chan."
"You – you're - -" She closed her eyes, took a breath, opened them. "I...don't always see things the way I should. I dragged you into that. You have no reason to feel guilty."
"Don't, really." He shrugged. "Got other stuff to think about."
...She'd misinterpreted. Unsurprisingly. But if guilt wasn't troubling him... "Such as?"
"Stupid shit. How much I hate hospitals." He rubbed a hand over his face, the movement stiff and jerky. "How we – we were rushin' so hard to get there, and I just kept thinkin' it was gonna be like before, with my dad. Th-That I wouldn't get there in time. An' then we did, and she – she still - -"
"No, she _didn't_. Not truly."
"But if she had, when she kinda did - at least people were there for her." His face was tense, his lips set in a tight, trembling line. "I-I wanted to be there too, but there wasn't enough space in her room and the senpai knew her way longer."
This was not a conversation Naoto wanted to have. Kanji's voice was raspy and wrong but his eyes were worse - and her own still hadn't stopped stinging.
Nanako. It was because of her. But why now, when she was alive? Why feel grief over a outcome that hadn't occurred?
A delayed reaction, presumably, and one Naoto would not indulge. She sat down on the steps next to Kanji and huddled into her coat. It seemed he was distressed for the same reason, among others – but she'd been wrong once already and didn't dare a second attempt.
They sat in silence, light snow still falling. Naoto began to feel faintly ridiculous. If Kanji chose to freeze to death on a doorstep two minute's walk from his own, she was not required to join him and would be a fool if she did – and yet leaving him here was impossible. She watched his face in profile, the line of his mouth and his creased brow – though she hadn't realized she was doing so until he turned toward her.
"You – I-I know this is a bad question, but - your parents. Were you there?"
"No."
Kanji nodded once, his jaw tight. "Then maybe you know how- -shit, maybe y'don't. I dunno."
Her parents had died instantly. Or so she hoped. Either way, had Naoto been there she would have most likely joined them. Hearing that, however, would offer Kanji no comfort.
"I doubt it would have made a difference in my case," she said, instead. "But I – I can appreciate your situation."
…It sounded pathetic. It was also the best she could offer. _Less_ _than human_. She'd been more accurate than she'd thought - and Kanji deserved better.
He shrugged, stiff and awkward. "Eh, 'least my Ma was still here to look after me. Getting shipped around your relatives is worse."
"It isn't a contest, Kanji."
"Yeah, I know."
Even if it were, in some ways Naoto suspected she might be more fortunate. She'd barely known her parents and her memories of them were riddled with holes - but would it really have been any better had they died five years later? Kanji had lost a father he'd had time to love, one he had reason to grieve for.
She bit her lip, her fingers tensing over her knees. "Do you miss him?"
Kanji glanced at her, then away. "Yeah. Wish I knew what he'd think of everything I've done this year, whether he'd be proud of me."
"I think he would."
Naoto hadn't quite planned on saying that, and Kanji's lack of response was alarming. She stayed silent, torn between wanting him to speak and hoping he'd completely ignored her, until he let out a loud sigh and climbed to his feet. "C'mon, we gotta get to your apartment."
"But you're almost home," she said.
"So? Ain't gonna make you walk back by yourself in snow _and_ fog."
"It isn't snowing hard, and I am perfectly– " Naoto began - but he'd already started walking, _why_ had he started walking? "Kanji-kun, we are practically outside your mother's shop, it makes absolutely no sense for you to walk across town twice!"
"Y-Yeah, well, whoever said I made sense?" It was an absurd retort, yet Kanji seemed unfazed. He stopped several strides away and glanced over his shoulder. "You comin' or what?"
There was clearly no point arguing. And given his earlier distress, it would be better to do as he wished. Naoto could find other reasons too, more than she needed – and realized, for a deeply uncomfortable moment, that she'd become very good at justifying spending time around Kanji Tatsumi.
"If you insist," she muttered – though Kanji probably couldn't hear – then tugged down her cap and followed him.
34. Chapter 26
_For me, the 'true culprit reveal' was the weakest segment of the game. So, we will do things a little differently. Hope it's an interesting (and not too drastic) divergence. If you disagree, let me know, constructive criticism is welcome.
_
_Story so far: The team confronted Namatame and skirted moments close to a Bad End, while Teddie was nowhere to be found._
_In this part: Naoto doesn't do interviews, Kanji still doesn't like dictionaries, and Adachi gives Souji a ride home._
_Things I cheated and skipped: The Namatame Exposition Fest._
_Trivia I heard about too late to incorporate (assuming it's true): In the JP version of the game, Witch Detective = Witch Detective Loveline._
* * *
**December 4th, 2011**
Kanji's dreams had never made much sense. Just jumbled flashes, mixing up whatever had been on his mind the previous day with crap he hadn't thought about for years. At least, until this past month. It wasn't like he had them every night, and they weren't all that terrifying. They just felt _wrong_. Like the one he'd woken up from a few minutes ago; the team taking out Shadows in the school corridors. Real world merging with television.
What if it actually happened?
Fog hadn't gone away. Rise was still struggling to hold it together. And maybe they hadn't even caught the right guy.
...No reason to get spooked by a stupid dream. At least Souji hadn't accused him of murder in this one – though given what they'd nearly done last night, maybe Senpai wasn't in a position to accuse anybody.
Kanji stood up, stretched, and glanced at the snow falling outside the window. Looked pretty light, but it was hard to tell through the fog. Must have started up overnight; it'd stopped completely on the way to Naoto's apartment.
Shit. Naoto. He'd been a total wuss in front of her last night, asked her questions he'd told himself he wouldn't – then, to cap it off, spent most of the walk to her place blabbering about his dad. Naoto had acted like she was paying attention, even pressed him for more detail at a few points, but probably only out of politeness. Why the hell would anyone listen to him rattling on about his old man?
Okay, Souji did, but Souji listened to everyone. Or used to. Maybe he would again, if the team could solve the case for real.
Kanji grabbed his cell from the sewing table, planning to text Rise and ask if she and Senpai had both made it home safe, but when he flipped open the phone a message was already waiting.
_Meet hospital, 15.00_
Figured. Souji treated texts like telegrams. _**np. did Ted come back**_
Surprisingly, Senpai responded straight away. _No_
Teddie must've gone to Yosuke's place instead. Or Junes; he'd probably passed out in the furniture department again.
_He isn't picking up his phone. Worried about him_
Dumb bear. The hell was he thinking, making everyone fret over him? Soon as he got back, Kanji would be ready and waiting with an ass-kicking (or at least a few good yells). Ted had been so damn excited about that clunky old phone, bugged everyone to give him their numbers, and now he wouldn't even take calls.
That last part was the reason Kanji was starting to worry.
Might as well try again. He flicked through his contacts list, hit Ted's name, and held the phone to his ear.
_"This is the KJ Customer Service Center. The number you have dialed is unavailable right now. The phone may be switched off or outside our coverage area."_
You could pick up a solid KJ signal as far away as Okina, and probably further still. Teddie couldn't have made it all that way without any cash. Maybe the phone company had just glitched, though that didn't explain why Yosuke had got the same message last night.
Dammit. Put Teddie in the wrong place and he could get himself into all kinds of trouble. Mind of a four year old, Souji had said, and though Kanji still thought Senpai had been wrong on that - that, strange and childish as he was, Ted understood a lot more than he let on - it was at least partly true. Little guy trusted people way too quickly.
It was cold out there, too, and would've been worse overnight. Kanji hoped Ted still had his yellow scarf. Ma would be pissed if he'd lost it.
He turned away from the window, glanced at his sewing table - bare except for an in-progress Detective Loveline and a sheet of sketched plans for a red and blue plush Teddie - and stalked over to the dresser.
* * *
"Well, this is just great." Yosuke flopped down on a chair in the hospital lobby. "Namatame's a wreck, the killer's still on the loose, Ted's missing - and I feel like the world's biggest asshole."
"I think most of us are feeling that right now," Souji said.
"What, that I'm an asshole? Way to back me up, partner."
Souji just rolled his eyes in response, but the tension had been broken. Chie chimed in with more teasing, Yukiko and Rise giggling beside and behind her - and what would've typically escalated into a full-on squabble stayed as friendly banter. Kanji wasn't surprised. They'd argued over killing someone last night. The usual petty crap probably didn't seem worth it.
At the time, back in that room, nothing else had.
Kanji figured Yosuke had to feel as shitty as he did, knowing now that Namatame had ultimately been working toward the same goal as the team. And in _his_ place – kidnapping people, throwing them in a TV then seeing them safely back in town days or weeks later – would any of them have reached a different conclusion? Back in Heaven's castle, Kanji hadn't cared what happened to Namatame, would've left his corpse rotting on the dais if that was what it took to rescue Nanako - but that had been a battle. A screwed-up one, but otherwise like all the rest: fighting a Shadow because they'd had no other option. Ganging up on a sick guy in his hospital room had been a conscious choice. Throwing him in the television would've been murder, no matter what he had or hadn't done.
Kanji's temper had gotten the better of him before and probably always would, but last night had been totally different – and so what if it hadn't been his idea? He glanced at Naoto, standing at the edge of the group and staring at the opposite wall of the lobby. She'd been driving the interview, asking all the questions, but she'd gone quiet soon as they left the room.
"Okay guys, Yukiko and I are heading out," Chie said, as both girls stood from their seats. "We're gonna hunt for Teddie some more."
"We'll let you know if we find him," Yukiko added. She gave several quick nods to the rest of the group, then followed Chie to the lobby's sliding glass doors.
"I was convinced he'd be waiting at home." When Kanji glanced back at Yosuke, he had his head tilted back against the chair and his gaze fixed on the ceiling. "I checked every room, even looked in all the closets. He sleeps in them sometimes."
"Me and Naoto struck out too," Kanji said. "Turned the district over last night looking for him."
Souji's brow furrowed. "Hope you didn't spend too long trudging around in the snow. Last thing we need is -" The rest was cut off by the muffled ringtone of his cell (which sounded a lot like the ones Rise had put on Kanji's phone). He pulled his phone from his jacket pocket, glanced at the screen, and grimaced. "Huh. Adachi again. I'd better answer."
Last phone call Souji had gotten from Adachi had been the previous night, when they'd all thought Nanako was- -
But that hadn't really happened. And it sure as hell wouldn't again.
Souji stepped aside to take the call, though he paused to grip Yosuke's shoulder, just for a moment. Kanji watched Senpai hold his phone to his ear, his eyes wandering the room in boredom, and wondered how the hell they were supposed to find the real bad guy among all these dead-ends - assuming they even could, and that one existed.
"Sorry for not helping you search, Kanji-kun," Rise said from his right. She was leaning over the back of the empty chair beside him, elbows resting on top. "I pretty much abandoned you guys."
And who'd blame her? He would've done the same for Naoto in a heartbeat. Besides, the whole team knew that trying to separate Rise from Souji was like ordering a fish to give up swimming. "S'alright. You did what you had to."
Maybe Naoto had heard him mention her name, maybe she'd just finally gotten bored of the wall - but in any case, she walked over to join them. The way she moved and stood didn't look natural; it was too stiff and self-conscious, an echo of the boy he'd met back in May.
"Did Souji-senpai accompany you home, Rise?" she asked.
"Actually, Adachi-san offered us a ride back. Well, he offered one to Souji-senpai, I sorta tagged along," Rise said, with a sheepish smile. "I don't think he was happy about the detour."
"Adachi's a dick," Kanji muttered. A clueless, two-bit cop who'd been phoning it in that whole night, while everyone else who knew Nanako had fallen apart.
Rise let out a sigh. "Oh, Kanji-kun, he's harmless. You only lost your temper with him because you were upset over Nanako-chan." She'd started the sentence looking at Kanji, but her gaze had soon switched to Naoto. "We were all a little off last night."
"Yes. We were." Naoto adjusted one shirt cuff, then another, and didn't look up. "I – had never considered the possibility that-"
"That doesn't matter now," Rise cut in, "because nothing happened. Nobody got hurt. "
Opposite Kanji, Yosuke bolted up from his seat. "I need some fresh air. Tell Souji I'll talk to him later."
Once he'd left, Naoto looked carefully around the lobby - like she thought the potted plants might be eavesdropping - and dropped her voice to an even lower volume. "When we entered his room today, Namatame was terrified. And he had every right to be."
No kidding. It'd taken Souji several minutes to calm him down enough to speak. Senpai had explained that they weren't there to hurt anyone, that they'd been blinded by their emotions the previous night - and at that point, Kanji had apologized without thinking, with Naoto soon following suite. Yosuke had stayed silent. Namatame had come round eventually, but Kanji had stayed hung up on the same ugly thought: that they'd made a sick guy, a guy who'd been caught up first in his grief and then in a terrible misunderstanding, afraid of a group of teenagers.
_Way to go, Tatsumi._
Rise had moved behind him, and he heard her let out a small huff of breath. "Naoto-kun, its _fine_. It was just a terrible, horrible night, and we all said and did stuff you'll never consider doing again."
If Rise had noticed the slip, she didn't correct it. If Naoto had, she didn't point it out. "Perhaps."
"And that's fine," Rise continued, in what now sounded more like a monologue than a conversation, "because when we find whoever killed Yamano-san and Konishi-senpai, you're not gonna tell us to throw him in a television or anything like that. You'll arrest him, do it all by the book and be totally boring. Right?"
Naoto's reply was slow in coming.
"It will be some time before we identify him, or her," she eventually said. "At present, we have no suspect."
Kanji shrugged. He wasn't feeling optimistic right now either, but _someone_ needed to boost morale, or at least try. "So we find one. Gotta be a clue somewhere, and we -" - and dammit, he'd stumbled - "we've got an ace detective on our side!"
He'd wanted to encourage her. Instead, it'd come out hesitant - mostly because he'd suddenly realized he was paying her a compliment with a very talkative witness. Naoto's spirits stayed flat. "I'm afraid you have nothing of the sort," she said, head tilted slightly downward, gaze fixed on the floor by his feet.
Fine. If she was determined to put a negative light on this, Kanji was equally set on calling her on her bullshit. "You solved twenty-four cases before you started high school. Pretty damn sure that makes you an ace."
She looked up - grey-blue eyes wide for a split-second, then instantly narrowing. "Yes. Twenty-four exactly. How did you know that?"
Oh, _crap_.
Kanji tensed, coughed, and tried not to swallow his own tongue. "Uh. Th-That TV show. Niteline. You were on it."
"In September." Naoto was staring holes in him. "And you - remembered the number."
"Kanji-kun probably recorded the whole show," Rise chimed in.
He shot to his feet. "No I di- -dammit, Rise!" Like he'd ever do something so creepy (and never mind that he'd re-watched Naoto's segment on the Niteline website three times over the following week.)
The brim of her cap successfully shielded Naoto's face, though not the red tips of her ears. "...Y-Yes. Well."
Great. He'd embarrassed her. "Sorry. I-I didn't mean to…"
"It-It's absolutely fine," Naoto stammered, in a way which indicated it absolutely wasn't. Then her expression shifted, to what looked like an odd, subdued sort of curiosity. "But - September. That was before anyone-"
"Ready, Naoto-kun?"
Souji's voice, somewhere to the right. Kanji glanced sideways and saw him standing a short distance away, closed cellphone still in hand.
Naoto gave a single, firm nod. "Yes, Senpai. I'll be right there."
"You and Souji-senpai are going somewhere?" asked Rise, not lightly enough.
"It's my turn to visit with him tonight. The schedule," Naoto said, and clasped her hands behind her back. "Additionally, we must discuss today's developments."
Rise leaned back in her seat, arms folded. "You could discuss them with the rest of us too."
"I intend to, of course. I just need to…bounce some ideas around first. And Souji-senpai has already proved an adept investigator."
_Adept investigator._ That was one way of putting it. So was 'better than the rest of you'.
Worst part was, it was true.
_Jealous, Tatsumi? Ain't that big of you._ "Senpai's a smart guy," Kanji managed, head ducked so he wouldn't have to meet her eye.
"He is," Naoto said. "Well. See you tomorrow."
He kept his head down, listening as her footsteps grew fainter, were joined by a second, heavier set, and then vanished altogether. When he glanced up at Rise, she was staring at the glass lobby doors, and her face looked pinched and tired.
"Somethin' up?" he asked, already knowing the answer, and the answer she'd be willing to give.
"I'm fine." Her smile was immediate and strained, and the tremble in her lips made it look slightly desperate. "It's just - I don't think we need a schedule. I don't mind staying with Senpai each evening."
_I'll bet you don't_, Kanji thought.
But Rise had shied away from visiting Souji alone before, back when Nanako was still in Heaven's Castle. Kanji had figured it odd at the time, given she seemed to flirt with him on instinct - but now, he was beginning to understand. In many ways, Rise's behavior was far too similar to his own: head over heels for someone, but desperately afraid of any situation that might force her into admitting it.
"You an' him," he began. "Are you-"
"I don't know," Rise blurted, every muscle visibly tensing. "It - It's not a good time for that kind of thing."
Kanji hadn't expected a real answer. He'd been clinging to variations of the same excuse: that he'd approach Naoto once things calmed down, once Nanako was well again, once they'd caught the real killer.
…But what if it _wasn't_ just an excuse? Maybe Rise had a point. Something told him he'd only ever have one shot at confessing to Naoto, and that the time and place he picked to take it would make all the difference to the result.
Inside his pockets, his fingers curled into fists. "Yeah."
* * *
**December 5th, 2011**
It was a bad sign, Kanji thought, that the best plan they could come up was, _'wander around town and hope we stumble over an answer'_. If nobody had seen or suspected the real culprit at the time of the first murder, what would've changed eight months later? The team could talk to every last person in Inaba and still be no wiser.
He rubbed his hands together in an effort to warm them, wishing Rise would hurry the hell up. By the time Marukyu Tofu's front door finally opened, he'd moved on to stomping his feet, tightly packed snow crunching beneath them.
Rise was wearing her thick winter coat, a plush-looking scarf, and the most ridiculous pair of earmuffs Kanji had ever seen. "Wow, it's _cold_," she said, and shivered. "If this gets any worse, the fog's going to freeze solid."
He eyed the earmuffs again. Bright pink, with cat ears on the band. With the right materials, he could make a pretty good copy.
…Cat ears would look awesome on Naoto.
Something jabbed him in the side. "Kanji-kun? Are you listening?"
He glanced down. Rise was staring up at him, a slight frown creasing her forehead. "Uh, yeah, 'course!" he said. "Just wonderin' if you're gonna be okay for this."
"Hey, you can't do it without me." The frown instantly melted into a bright smile, as if on reflex. "Turn on the charm, and Risette might tease out a vital clue!" She gestured toward the south end of the shopping district, invisible in the dense fog. "I figured we could start out here, everyone knows us. Or they know you, and they've heard of Risette."
_Knowing_ wasn't always good. "They like Yukiko-senpai better."
"Maybe. But she and Chie-senpai are starting with the inn, Naoto-kun still hasn't shown, and nobody round here is _ever_ gonna talk to Yosuke-senpai - so that leaves us." She started walking north. "C'mon!"
Kanji stamped his feet one last time for emphasis, then followed her.
Most of the town was holed up indoors, either terrified of the fog or unwilling to deal with the snow. Kanji and Rise found only three people walking outside: a harassed-looking housewife, the crotchety old guy who fished down at the river, and Naoki's father. The first didn't remember anything, and the second just rambled on about the fog. The third, they couldn't bring themselves to ask. They struck out at Aiya, too; neither Otsuka nor his five customers recalled anything more than what the team already knew. Most of them couldn't even remember the police combing the town or the swarm of journalists - just the TV news reports, night after night. In all cases, the conversation had soon come back to the fog.
"Ain't going well so far," Kanji said. They'd paused outside Aiya for a moment, so Rise could take off her gloves and text Souji-senpai.
"Maybe Senpai's found something. Lemme ask him."
Kanji rocked back on his heels and stared upward. The fog felt _dirty_, somehow. Like it was carrying all the darkness and ugliness of the TV world over here - and hell, maybe it was. Why else would Rise's Persona be going haywire? She'd said she was learning to keep a lid on it, ignore Himiko like Souji had suggested, but the real problem was that she needed to do that at all. The whole thing - the fog, Himiko, his strange dreams - had set Kanji on edge.
He grimaced and shoved his hands in his pockets. He was on the verge of telling Rise to hurry up (what was she writing, a damn novel?) when he saw a figure heading toward them. As they moved closer, the blurred outline resolved itself into a person: a girl in stylish white and pale blue clothing, and seriously expensive-looking boots. It took him a moment to realize he knew her, kind of. The girl who'd helped out Teddie in the contest, who'd asked after Souji while Nanako was gone. Both kind and thoughtful actions, but Kanji couldn't get past her expression: all vague disdain and ice-cold eyes.
Rise looked up from her phone. "Oh. Ebihara-senpai."
Ebihara barely glanced at her. "Kujikawa."
Girls, for Kanji, were a thorny topic. Some, like Chie, were down-to-earth and approachable. Others, like Yukiko, were fascinatingly foreign, but nonthreatening. Others, however, were like Rise Kujikawa and Ai Ebihara.
He _liked_ Rise. She was a good friend - one who regularly tried to ruin his life, but at least did it for the right reasons. Hell, he'd grown weirdly comfortable around her. But part of his mind still vaguely associated Rise with the 'girl's girls', the type that infused almost every memory he had of elementary school. Pretty things, sneering with a smile and the source of nearly all his girl problems.
(Naoto, to her credit, had never caused Kanji girl problems. Naoto caused Naoto problems instead, which were ten times worse.)
Ebihara had that exact same look about her as those girls. For all he knew, she might, unlike Rise, have the personality to match.
She raised her chin, arms folded and hip tilted in a practiced sort of pose, and leveled him with a cool stare. "Hey, you. Big guy."
"Tatsumi."
"Okay, Tatsumi." He could hear the shrug in her voice, but her pose didn't change. "You hang out with Teddie, right?"
Rise folded her arms too, tighter than Ebihara's, somehow managing to look spiky under three layers of winter clothing. "Why do _you_ care?"
Oh shit. They must've met before. Kanji cleared his throat. "I, uh-"
"I asked Tatsumi, not you," Ebihara said. "You're not _always_ the center of attention."
Piranhas, Kanji thought. In big groups, they'd tear up all kinds of other fish. One-on-one, they'd eat each other.
"It doesn't matter who you asked, Ebihara-senpai," Rise shot back, with a very unpleasant emphasis on the _senpai_. "We're both Teddie's friends."
"Fine. Then do you know where he is?"
Kanji shook his head. "No. But we're lookin' for him."
"We were supposed to meet at Junes this morning and he didn't show. Usually, I'd just call him up and rip him a new one, but something's wrong with that new phone he got." Both the pose and the cool expression had faltered. Ai's eyebrows had angled in concern, and her arms were folded. "Guy stands me up and I can't even get hold of him."
"Yeah, same," Kanji said. "Uh, the getting hold part. Not that he stood me up."
Ai glanced between him and Rise, before her gaze finally settled on him. "You think he's alright? It's not that I'm _worried_, just...he was really sad over Souji's cousin being in the hospital." Her tone had softened, shifting from supercilious to something close to affection. "He's a real sweetheart."
"Don't worry, Ebihara-senpai." Rise's voice had changed too: still cautious, but softer around the edges. "We'll track him down."
"Thanks, Kujikawa." With that, Ebihara moved to walk around them. Though she hadn't said so, Kanji had the feeling she'd keep searching for Teddie herself.
…Maybe she remembered something. It was worth a shot. "Hey - uh, wait a sec, Senpai. D-Do you remember anything 'bout those murders, earlier in the year?"
Ebihara had stopped directly to his left. She stared into the fog beside him, frowning a little, and several seconds passed before she spoke. "Huh. Weird. I know it wasn't long ago, but it's - really _fuzzy_. All I remember is that the TV news wouldn't shut up about them." She glanced up at him. "Sorry."
"S'fine. Thanks anyway."
"Just let me know if you find Teddie," Ebihara said, and walked around him. She soon vanished into the fog, but Rise waited a few moments longer before speaking.
"It's kinda sad," she said, quietly. "Everyone seems to like Teddie, but Ebihara's the only person outside the team to notice he's gone."
That was a little unfair, considering Ted had vanished only two days ago, but Kanji got her point. He shrugged. "She must care about him."
"Yeah. So, I guess she's not that bad after all." Rise folded her arms and let out a soft sigh. "I heard she had a _massive_ thing for Souji-senpai, but who doesn't?"
_People into Souji Seta_ was a damn long list. Kanji figured even _he_ was on it somewhere, though maybe scrawled in pencil rather than pen. Yosuke and Rise would be fighting for top billing, Yukiko waiting to jump the victor, and as for Naoto-
"Hello, Kanji-kun, Rise-chan."
One of his least favourite things about the fog: it made it damn easy for people to sneak up on you. He jumped, startled, and pivoted toward Naoto, standing behind him. "Uh. H-Hey."
Rise peered around his back. "Oh, hey, Naoto-kun! Where've you been?"
"The police station." Naoto still looked…_rigid_, was the best word he had. "I was looking through the case records."
He shook his head. "Ain't you read all that stuff six times over by now?"
"Not with the intent of finding a second culprit. There are most likely clues I have missed."
"Like?"
"…I haven't found any yet. But certain aspects of the initial investigation are bothering me." She frowned, her lips narrowed in thought and her gaze fixed on the gaudy poster plastered by Aiya's front door. "Perhaps something we hear today will help the pieces fall into place."
Rise tipped her head. "Your investigation with Souji-senpai didn't figure it all out?"
_Uh-oh._
Rise was under stress, Kanji reminded himself. Rise was naturally emotional. Rise could, on occasion, be a real bitch.
Naoto looked at her, blinked, then frowned again. This one was different to the last. "There was no investigation. Just an exchange of theories and suspicions. Nothing worth a group discussion," she quickly added.
"Guess we wouldn't understand, huh?" Rise shot back, sweet as arsenic.
Several long seconds passed in silence, before Naoto's eyes widened in realization. "Th-That isn't what I- -Rise-chan, I'm not sure…"
Rise broke into a wide grin and latched onto Naoto's arm. "Kidding, Naoto-kun. C'mon, let's go solve this mystery!"
As she dragged Naoto away - already trying to fit the cat-eared earmuffs over Naoto's cap - Kanji tugged down his woolen hat and followed.
* * *
Souzai Daigaku was closed due to lack of business. At Shiroku, the old lady shopkeeper had vague memories of meeting Saki Konishi, but nothing else.. Gas-mask guy was scurrying around as usual, but asking him anything seemed pointless. Same went for the guy huddled at the side of the closed-down flower shop, though for an entirely different reason. Rise veered away as soon as she heard him. It was the same low, repetitive babbling Kanji had heard from those two employees in the Junes lobby, from a lady at the bus-stop, from some kid in his class hiding behind the bike rack at school.
The difference was, Kanji didn't hear it till he walked closer. He had the feeling Rise caught the voices from much further away. Or that Himiko did, but in the end, it was the same thing. Naoto kept starting conversations in what looked like an effort to distract her, each of which went about as well as you'd expect, but Rise seemed to appreciate her trying.
They'd just reached Daidara's shop when Kanji noticed two figures heading toward them through the fog, the taller one shouldering something square and bulky. He had an unpleasant suspicion about what that something might be - which was confirmed when the pair finally walked into view, and he saw the TV camera on the tall guy's shoulder.
Great. This was the second news crew he'd seen in two days, probably gathering footage for the reports shown on TV every night. How much could you really say about fog?
The two men were chatting as they walked, and didn't seem to notice the three teens at first, but when they did - or rather, when they noticed Rise - their faces lit up.
The reporter waved a hand as he approached. "Hey, Risette! Could you answer a couple of questions?" He grinned. "We need _someone_ to liven up all these fog reports."
"Sure." Rise glanced at the cameraman. "You're not rolling already, right?"
"No, but we're about set up. Give me a few seconds." He jabbed at several buttons on the side of the camera, then pointed it at Rise and rotated several rings near the front. "Okay, good to go," he said, and Rise's stadium smile immediately leapt to her lips.
The reporter turned to face the camera. "I'm here in Inaba with Risette - the famous pop idol who retired here earlier in the year. Is rural life treating you well, Risette?"
"Oh, totally! I'm just enjoying the peaceful life and spending time with my friends. Regular girl stuff."
"How do you feel about Inaba's mysterious fog? Any idea where it came from? Will you be leaving town and going back on tour?"
Rise beamed at the camera. "Sorry, I don't know much about the fog. But to all my fans, thanks so much for your support, you're amazing! Risette's been quiet for a while, but who knows for the future?"
"Great! Thanks, Risette." The reporter looked ready to stop, when Naoto - who'd been hiding somewhere behind Kanji - stepped into view. He hesitated barely an instant before homing in, the cameraman swiveling to follow. "Ah, and the Detective Prince, too! Congratulations on apprehending Taro Namatame. Will he be facing trial soon? Are you planning to leave Inaba afterwards?"
"No comment. Excuse me," Naoto muttered, then turned around and walked off into the fog.
The reporter blinked after her - then shrugged. "Ah, at least we got Risette. C'mon, Yajima, we should hit up Junes." He winked at Rise. "Thanks for the soundbite."
"No problem!" Rise replied, still smiling. She kept it up even after the reporter and cameraman had disappeared in the fog - though it'd changed, now more nostalgic than perky.
"First time that's happened since July," she said. "I seriously thought they'd given up."
Naoto stalked back into sight, the brim of her cap pulled down tight. It was never a good sign. "I wish they _would_."
"C'mon, Naoto-kun." Rise tapped the brim twice, smirking when Naoto jerked a step back. "Don't tell me there isn't a tiny part of you that likes hearing how awesome you are."
"Before...sometimes." Her jaw visibly tensed. "Now it seems like false advertising."
"Wow, now _I'm_ depressed. Why're you so down on yourself lately?"
"This investigation. It - hasn't gone well," she said. "Mistakes were made, and we still have no suspect."
Okay, so Kanji had fudged it when he tried to encourage her yesterday. But he'd keep on trying, dammit. "Remember when Kubo got arrested? We all quit right then. Kicked back and never stopped to ask if he was really guilty." He'd thought about it, once or twice, wondering what would've happened if they'd just given up. Who else might've died. And, occasionally, he remembered the raw mix of anger and terror he'd felt when Naoto almost _had_. "You showed us we were wrong, even if y'did pick a stupid, reckless way to do it."
"You turned Kanji-kun's hair white," added Rise, unhelpfully. "Not that anyone could tell."
"It _was_ reckless," Naoto admitted. "But it furthered the investigation. Since then, I've contributed little." She sighed again, soft and quiet. "We spend so much time doing other things."
"Well, we're working on it now," Rise said lightly, then clapped her hands together. "Okay, guys, we can split up. I'll take the bookstore while you two talk to Daidara." Her expression was somewhere between a grimace and a wince. "He's kinda weird."
Bittersweet experience told Kanji that Rise just might've had ulterior motives. Specifically, matchmaking ones. Her tactic of throwing him and Naoto at each other hadn't worked yet and wouldn't now, but he nodded all the same - and, as Rise wandered off to the bookstore, Naoto pushed open the door to Daidara's shop and walked through.
Inside, Daidara was standing at the wooden counter, which was covered in a frightening large array of knives and daggers. He had one in his left hand, a cloth in the other, and for once, no cigarette hanging from his lips.
He looked up at the sound of the shop bell. "Ah, Tatsumi!" he boomed.
Kanji grinned. "Yo, Daidara-san."
Daidara's gaze flickered to Naoto. "And the young detective, too. Planning more adventures? I have a few new pieces in progress."
She stepped toward the counter, hands clasped firmly behind her back. "Actually, we would like to hear any recollections you have of the murders that occurred earlier this year."
A long moment passed in silence, Daidara polishing the dagger in his hand, before he finally spoke. "I knew the Konishi girl. Had to warn off a man who was bothering her down by the river. Very badly dressed, looked like he'd slept in his suit."
Which, going by his story yesterday, had probably been Namatame. They were going in circles. "Anythin' else?" Kanji asked.
"Afraid not. I rarely leave this district."
Kanji hadn't expected much, but he still felt a little disappointed. Would've been neat if him and Naoto could've found the crucial clue together. "Well, thanks anyway," he said. "For being cool with the questions."
"Yes," Naoto said, sounding thoughtful. "You've been quite helpful."
Daidara nodded, and they both turned to leave - except Naoto stopped halfway and looked back at him. "Daidara-san. Have you - ever wondered exactly _why_ we request so much armour and weaponry?"
Holy crap, what was she _doing_? Daidara had never asked why they needed him to make swords and greaves and guns, hadn't seemed to care where they got the materials or the money to pay him. The team been happy to let the question go unasked and unanswered, because once you started with the rescue missions, you got into the television world and the idea of Personas, none of which an adult would ever get. Kanji rounded on Naoto almost on reflex, opened his mouth to speak - but Daidara got there first.
He barked out a low, smoke-rough laugh. "My dear, you and your friends aren't the first children to bear such responsibility," he said, and winked. "Good luck - and don't give up."
…_What_?
Naoto blinked, caught Kanji's equally wide-eyed stare - then, with a mumbled goodbye to Daidara, turned around and walked out of the shop.
Outside, Kanji opened his mouth to speak, closed it, then opened it again to stammer, "D-Did he mean…"
Naoto was staring wide-eyed at the shop door, clearly trying not to look surprised and clearly failing. "Very little would surprise me, now." She gestured to the bookstore next to Daidara's. "We should wait for Rise."
Why Rise wasn't already finished talking to the owner, Kanji wasn't sure. Maybe the guy remembered something. Either way, it meant more time spent more or less alone with Naoto, which was no doubt exactly what Rise wanted. Maybe what _he _wanted, too.
He'd grown - comfortable was stretching it, but Kanji could proudly say he'd become no-longer-massively-uncomfortable around Naoto Shirogane. This had brought with it a whole new set of problems. Like the fact that he wasn't as afraid to look at her, which meant he'd been doing it a lot more, which in turn had led to him developing a few borderline-creepy fascinations.
Her eyes, he'd always found attractive. And he'd liked something - maybe everything - about her from the moment they'd met, in an abstract, 'Naoto looks and is awesome' kind of way. But now he kept noticing her hands (slim fingers with small callouses from the way she held her gun) and her hair (dark and silken, rogue tufts poking out from under her cap) and her lips (narrower than a girl's and slightly pale, but soft-looking, and they'd probably feel amazing if he just-)
"Is something wrong?" Naoto asked.
Shit. He must've been staring. "S-Sorry. I was…" _Thinking about something I shouldn't, because it'll never happen and you'd hate me if you knew._ "Thinking," he said, and hoped she wouldn't push him into a lie.
For an instant, Naoto looked slightly alarmed, but her expression immediately leveled out. "Ah. As was I, actually. Has - " She stopped and frowned. "Has Take-Mikazuchi recently made any attempt at contact?"
"Contact?"
"You stated previously that he rarely speaks to you, and though he does not use words, he nonetheless makes his presence known." It was flat and rapid, but still sounded a little anxious. "Has he done so since the fog set in?"
"Once or twice. He's been - quiet, I s'pose." Kanji shrugged and tapped the side of his head. "But I guess he's still up here."
"I see."
"Probably a good thing he's lying low. Rise's won't shut up." Maybe that thought would make Naoto feel better - because although Kanji couldn't identify the look in her eyes right now, it was worrying him all the same.
She glanced at the shop window. "I wonder why she's taking so long."
Kanji wandered closer, weaving around the tables covered in books, and peered through the glass. A display was blocking most of the window, but, unlike Naoto, he was tall enough to see over the top. Inside the shop, the owner was jabbering at Rise, showing her various books with her photo on the cover, while she smiled and nodded politely.
"She's - gonna be a while, I think." Kanji gestured to the tables. "You, uh, could look at the books."
Naoto hummed thoughtfully, and went to browse through what, based on the titles he could see, looked like the "Horribly Grisly Fiction" table. He skimmed the other tables himself, nothing really catching his eye - until he found the manga section. There, underneath a couple of Kujibiki Unbalance books, was the latest Witch Detective volume. One he'd bought on order, as usual, but hadn't had time to read with so much other crap going on.
He picked up the book and started paging through. The last volume had ended on a real cliffhanger: the Witch Detective facing off against her feline nemesis Meowriarty, who'd just been about to-
"'Witch Detective'?"
Kanji froze - book in hand, his entire life flashing before his eyes.
He swiveled round to face Naoto, who'd been peering around his left side. "No it ain't! Okay, yeah, it is, but so what?"
Her gaze switched from him, to the book, and back again. "Do you - enjoy the series?"
Kanji's love for Witch Detective had endured four years, several mediocre storylines, and one totally wretched animated movie. He'd even knitted a couple of dolls, back when he first got started making them. It was, without a doubt, his single most favourite manga ever.
He swallowed and resisted the urge to claw off his own face. "No. Maybe. Doesn't matter." Before Naoto could ask any more terrible questions, he put down the manga and grabbed a random book from the next table.
"I thought you weren't interested in dictionaries?" Naoto said, and he realized he'd picked up a copy of the Daijisen.
"N-No, I - I just thought 'bout getting one a few months back." Kanji had wanted to broaden his vocabulary enough to have a real conversation with Naoto - until he'd realized that, no matter what words they both used, they'd always be speaking different languages.
"Yes, I remember. I can provide one. If you require it." Her mouth narrowed into a flat line. "According to Rise-chan, I have already swallowed one dictionary, so clearly I have no need of a spare."
"Uh. Th-Thanks, but you don't hafta-" he began - then, on seeing Naoto's slightly crestfallen look, quickly backtracked. "That'd be awesome. Thanks, Naoto."
"I'll bring it to school next week." She glanced at the shop door. "I ought to retrieve Rise-chan. I doubt the owner has anything useful to contribute to our investigation."
Kanji shrugged. "Nobody does."
Naoto's expression turned anxious again. It was muted, as usual, but an avid observer like Kanji could learn to read her cues. "I keep trying to devise new theories, examine the case from various angles, but…" She let out a breath, forming a cloud in the cool air. "Well. I will fetch Rise-chan."
She walked around him, heading to the shop door - until, on impulse, he laid a palm on her shoulder. In the split-second after he'd done it, Kanji fully expected her to smack his hand away. She didn't.
"Hey. I-I meant what I said, before," he told her. "You're really good at what you do."
Naoto's wide-eyed stare shifted into a smile; only half of one, but it looked genuine. "Thank you."
* * *
"I hate to say this," Chie said, between mouthfuls of the new Aiya Snowy Day Special, "but today was a massive waste of time."
Yosuke sighed and poked at his egg fried rice. "Yeah, I know. We spent the whole morning canvassing Junes and nobody was talking about the case at all."
"I probably answered more questions than I asked," said Rise. "Including some from a TV crew."
"You know, I've seen a few in town recently. I think they're covering the fog." Yukiko's expression turned dark. "Thankfully, none of them are staying at the inn."
Naoto was perched on a stool at the counter, palms pressed against her knees. Her dish of gyōza looked almost untouched. "Their presence is to be expected. Inaba is reappearing on national news sites. Only brief mentions, but still."
Damn. It felt like the town had only just gotten _out_ of the headlines; around the time Yamano died, you couldn't spit without hitting a TV camera, and both Kubo's surrender and Namatame's capture had brought more than a few back. Local news was bad enough. National channels rolling in and stirring shit up just pissed Kanji off.
"Lot of people talking about it on Twitter as well." Yosuke loved that kind of crap. He'd tried and failed to talk the rest of the team into signing up too. "Couple of Inaba tags, though they're basically full of dumb conspiracy theories and ghost stories."
Souji's eyebrows arched. "Ghost stories?"
"Yeah, you know. _The town devoured by inexplicable fog! _They're blaming angry gods, vengeful spirits – even Junes. Big surprise there."
"Figures," Kanji muttered. "Half the people I asked weren''t interested in talking 'bout anything _except_ the stupid fog."
"That or the Midnight Channel." Chie shrugged. "Dunno why, it wasn't showing anything last night."
Kanji hadn't even thought to tune in. Did the Midnight Channel work with snow? "You watched it?"
"Yeah. I thought - well, maybe there'd be something on there. A clue." She sighed. "Some hope."
"You got anything, Naoto?" Yosuke asked. "Any new, uh...deductions?"
"Without any concrete new data to work with, there's little I can do. The police had an unusually large number of officers in their initial investigation of the first two incidents. To find facts even they overlooked would be difficult indeed, now that over half a year has passed." She pressed two fingers against her lips. "I've been entertaining various ideas and theories, but those are mere conjecture."
A faint, thoughtful frown had formed between Souji's brows. Like Naoto, he'd barely eaten any of his meal. "Were there any reports of suspicious people? Hanging around the inn, the shopping district, any other places the victims would have been?"
Naoto hesitated, then shook her head. "Not at the time."
In response, Rise made a small, frustrated sound. "Ugh, I don't get it. Inaba's a small town," she said, voice low. "The killer must've been amazing to have pulled all this off without being seen by _anyone_."
"…Not necessarily." Naoto had dropped her volume too, and was eyeing Otsuka at the other end of the counter. "A person can be invisible in various ways. Think of Namatame and the delivery van. Our culprit may have been hiding in plain sight all along."
"So there's no point asking people what they remember," Yosuke said. "Meaning, we're stuck."
"At present. But there must be someone in town who meets all the criteria for this case."
"Criteria?" Souji asked.
"First, a connection to both Mayumi Yamano and Saki Konishi." Naoto was listing them off on her fingers. "Second, a position allowing them to periodically observe our actions. And third, the ability to approach the first two victims _and_ Souji-senpai's house without arousing suspicion."
"A lot of people could walk up to the front door. Pretty much anyone in a work uniform, like Namatame." Souji's frown deepened. "The first two requirements are more specific, but even then, I have no idea."
A silence fell, heavy as lead. Kanji glanced around the team, all of who looked like they were thinking way too hard. For a wild moment, he hoped one of them might come up with an answer, because he sure as hell wouldn't - but before anyone else could speak, Naoto stood from her seat at the counter. "I need some fresh air. I'll be outside."
An icy blast of wind blew through the shop when she opened the door - both Rise and Yosuke telling her in concert to get out and shut the door, didn't she know how _cold_ it was?
"I don't get why she's going out there to begin with," Rise said, once the door was closed.
Kanji did. One of those things that supposedly helped Naoto think. He'd figured thinking would be easier sitting indoors someplace warm, but that was Naoto for you.
Souji stood, suddenly, and flipped his scarf back around his neck. "Be right back."
Then _he_ went outside too, sending more freezing air into the shop - and a sharp, stupid pang of envy through Kanji. The worst part was, it made sense; Senpai would want to hang out with someone smart, someone who actually had a chance of solving this case.
Moments later, Yosuke got up too, and Chie grabbed his sleeve. "Hey, where are you going?"
He nodded toward the door. "Everyone else is heading out there."
"No, only the smart people went. You're off the hook."
"Very funny," he muttered, then broke away from her grip, opened the door to yet another blast of cold air, and disappeared outside.
Yukiko frowned. "I thought Yosuke didn't like the cold."
"He doesn't," Chie said, with something that wasn't quite a laugh. "But if Souji jumped off a cliff, Yosuke would be clinging to his ankles the whole way down."
"I…guess Senpai wants to talk to Naoto-kun about the case," Rise said, so quietly Kanji thought he might be the only one who could hear her. "I wish we could do more to help."
"We can," Kanji told her, "once we know who really did it. We'll kick their ass."
"_You'll_ kick their ass," Rise corrected. "I'll stand behind you saying occasionally helpful stuff."
The four of them returned to their meals, and, in the case of the three girls, speculating about the Midnight Channel and what they'd heard about it at school. About five minutes passed before Yosuke hurried back in, with melting snow clinging to his coat and his cheeks and nose both tinged red.
He settled on Naoto's former seat at the counter and rubbed his hands together for warmth. "Man, the snow's started up again."
"What happened to Souji and Naoto-kun?" asked Yukiko.
"Eloped to have the world's smartest babies." Yosuke said - with what Kanji swore was a wink in his direction. "Nah, kidding. Souji left to visit Nanako-chan and Naoto said she needed to check some stuff at the police station. So I'm all you get."
Chie sighed and pushed back from the table. "Then we'd better call it quits for today. We'll have to work on this more after school tomorrow."
* * *
At least the snow wasn't heavy. Nonetheless, Kanji would've preferred to watch it from indoors, rather than stand outside the tofu store with snowflakes catching on his homemade woolen hat - particularly when Rise had spent the last two minutes fussing with her bag of Souji-targeted food.
"Don't see why I've gotta go too," he said. "S'gonna be weird."
Rise rolled her eyes. "I told you, I don't wanna walk through the fog alone." Finally, she held out her bag and winked at him. "Don't worry, I promise not to hit on Souji-senpai too much while you're in the room."
He grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder. Felt like she'd put rocks in there. Which, knowing Rise's cooking, probably wasn't far from the truth. "Like I care," he muttered. "But I thought Senpai was visiting Nanako-chan tonight?"
"Yeah, he is. He's probably still at the hospital." She frowned. "He barely ate anything at Aiya earlier, so I'm going to make sure he eats a good dinner."
Kanji grimaced. "So we're gonna sit on his doorstep and get snowed on?"
"No, silly! He said Adachi-san offered him a ride home again," Rise said. "He'll be home around eight, and we'll get there around eight fifteen - provided you stop fussing and start walking!" she finished, and poked him in the side for emphasis.
They set out into the fog. Given the weather, catching the bus would've been a better idea, but they ran so infrequently now that Kanji and Rise would probably spend as much time waiting at the stop as it would take them to walk to Souji's house. It just made Kanji nervous, trying to cross roads and bridges when he couldn't see more than a meter ahead, especially knowing that nobody else could either. It reminded him of how everything had looked during his first time inside the television, when Souji and the team had been helping him back from the bathhouse. Ted had told him not to worry, he'd get his own pair of glasses soon and then he'd be able to see just as well as-
Kanji paused. Glasses saw through fog inside the TV. Who was to say they wouldn't work out here?
He unzipped his coat, pulled them from the left inside pocket, put them on - and the fog vanished.
Save for the snow, his vision was crystal clear. Man, why hadn't he thought of this sooner? "Yo, Rise. Put your glasses on."
"What?"
"Your TV glasses. Put 'em on."
Rise pulled them from her pocketbook and slipped them on. Her first response was a gasp - quickly followed by, "Whoa, Kanji-kun, we have to tell Souji-senpai about this!"
"We'll tell 'im when we get to his house." A small, eager part of Kanji hoped Senpai would be impressed, realize that Tatsumi wasn't just good for breaking stuff.
As they walked on, Rise seemed more relaxed, like having the glasses somehow helped her. Maybe if she could see through the fog, it stopped Himiko from constantly trying to do so for her. Kanji hoped so - because another, darker thought had struck him. Glasses worked on fog inside the TV. Glasses also worked on the fog out here. It confirmed what he and some of the others had already suggested: that the fog was now the same in both places, spread from one to the other. And if that was the case, who knew what else had come over with it? No wonder people in town were getting so screwed up.
They arrived at Souji's house around fifteen minutes later - recognizable if not by sight, then by the three stray cats lurking on top of the wall out front - but the windows were dark. Rise made a small, annoyed sound. "Ugh, the lights aren't on. I hope Senpai didn't get delayed, I don't wanna wait outside in this weather."
Kanji moved closer and peered around the wall. "You won't have to. Door's open." The light above it was off, too, casting the whole house in darkness.
"Why would it -" Rise slipped around his side and called out through the doorway. "Hey, Souji-senpai? Are you home?"
Nothing.
Kanji held out his arm, blocking her from moving further forward. "Get behind me," he whispered, his muscles already tensing - then stepped inside the house.
It was dark, as he'd expected, and he immediately swung around the door, in case someone was waiting to jump them. Nobody was there. He couldn't hear any sounds of movement, either, not even slight shuffling noises or the sound of someone's breath. He took a deep breath, and flicked on the lights.
After squinting for a few moments as his eyes adjusted, Kanji could see that the living room was definitely empty. Could be someone upstairs, though, and he briefly considered heading up there to check - until he noticed Senpai's coat strewn on the kitchen floor.
Souji had clearly been home. But why would he have left the door open and just tossed his coat down? "Something's up. Senpai musta come back, but-"
"Kanji-kun," Rise cut in, disturbingly quiet.
"What?"
"These snow tracks." She pointed at a trail of melting snow, starting by the front door. "Look where they lead."
Kanji's eyes traced the snow across the living room floor, around the broken kotatsu, to the front of the television - where they stopped dead.
He gulped. "Oh, _shit_."
"But why would Senpai jump -" Rise shook her head, fists clenched in front of her chest. "He _wouldn't_, something's wrong, we have to go after him!"
Instinct told Kanji to do just that: jump right in, get Senpai back out. A smaller, more rational part said they didn't know for certain he was even in there. Another part again remembered exactly why they'd only ever gone to the TV world via Junes. "Man, we can't go in here! Remember what Ted said 'bout using different TVs?"
"I don't care! Going to Junes is gonna take too long and I might not even be able to find him. I'm going inside, are you gonna come with me or not?"
A few months back, when Naoto had been missing, Kanji had said exactly the same thing. Rise had followed. "I gotta. You did the same for me." He glanced at the TV - much smaller than the one at Junes - and grimaced. "Ain't sure I can _fit_ in there, though."
"You'll find a way," Rise said, and climbed in head-first.
Dammit - he'd wanted to go first, take care of what was on the other side, but he should've guessed she wouldn't keep her cool right now. Just like he'd been with Naoto. Kanji took a deep breath, knelt in front of the television, and began to wriggle his way inside. His shoulders were the toughest part, but after a lot of twisting, he finally popped through. There was the usual burst of black and white static, the familar lurching of his stomach - and he hit the floor hard. Falling headfirst was a lot more painful than jumping.
The first thing he noticed was the red and black tiles under his face. The next was Souji and Teddie, standing in front of him and squaring off against one of the biggest Minotaurs he'd ever seen.
"Rise? Kanji?" Souji's breath came in gasps. "Wh-What the hell are you-"
Rise was already on her feet. "Senpai!"
"Oh, Rise-chan, you shouldn't be here!" Teddie's furrowed look of worry immediately shifted into a beaming smile. "But since you are, could you help us out?"
"Got it!" she said, and clasped her hands together, Himiko shimmering into the empty space behind her.
Kanji fell in line beside Souji and smacked a palm into one fist. "An' I'm ready too, Senpai!"
"I can't believe you both tried to…" The frustration quickly drained from his voice, replaced by a reproachful resignation. "We are _definitely_ having a talk about this later."
Teddie stepped back from the Minotaur. "Sensei, Kanji-chan, keep the Shadows busy and I'll make a way out! I just have to figure out where we are…"
Good question. There was thick fog everywhere Kanji looked, even after he'd put his glasses on. This place didn't look like any of the other worlds he'd seen; it didn't look like anything much at all.
He glanced at Souji, who was still breathing hard and clutching his stomach. "Heal up, Senpai. I got this." Then he willed his card into his hand and crushed it - sending Take-Mikazuchi roaring out, cast in the blue light of Souji evoking beside them. The Persona drew back his fist, lightning crackling over his hand, and smashed it into the Minotaur.
The Shadow staggered back, and a follow-through Ziodyne sent it crashing to the floor. It vanished in a puff of purple smoke. Kanji was almost disappointed that the fight was over so soon - until two more Minotaurs emerged from the fog. "Dammit, how many of them are there?"
"We're in empty space," Ted said. He was still staring around the fog, presumably searching for whatever he needed to make an exit. "They're everywhere, and they won't stop coming."
"Ted and I fought nine already," Souji added.
Nine? Damn, this wasn't good. Souji evoked again - a different Persona now, the skeletal White Rider - and shot a stream of fire directly into the closer of the Shadows, almost singing Kanji on the way. He dodged sideways, called a Maziodyne as he moved. Take-Mikazuchi clapped his hands together, loud as thunder, and the bolts ripped through both Minotaurs. They sputtered out of existence, only to be replaced by three more. The leftmost immediately raised its hands - and a blast of ice shards ripped through the air.
A split-second later and Kanji wouldn't have pulled his shield up in time. The shards smashed into it, driving him backward and making the metal painfully cold to the touch. Over the sound of shattering ice, he heard Souji calling his name. "M'fine," he managed through clenched teeth. "Just keep those bastards back!"
The air popped, suddenly, like it was being pushed aside. When Kanji glanced over his shoulder, Ted was standing next to a television stack. "Okay, everyone, time to go go go! Jump in, Rise-chan!"
They climbed back out, one by one, Souji holding off the Shadows with White Rider until everyone else was safely through. All four of them tumbled gracelessly back into the Dojimas' living room; Kanji wound up sprawled over Teddie. "Ow! Kanji-chan, you're too heavy!"
"You might've shut the front door," said Souji.
Kanji rolled off Teddie and pulled himself to his feet. "Give us a break, Senpai, me and Rise were-"
"Um - c-could one of you help me out?" Rise cut in. Glancing over, Kanji realized she was clutching her left forearm, and her fingers were stained with blood.
Souji was by her side in an instant. "What happened?"
"An ice shard clipped me. Nothing major," she said, with a weak smile.
"I could've healed you back in there." He shook his head. "Damn it, why didn't you say anything?"
"Because we needed to get out, Senpai. And - it's really not that bad." She didn't sound convinced, and Kanji felt an awkward twist of guilt in his chest; after Souji, Rise was the one person the team all tried to protect. "B-Besides, I've spent months watching the rest of you get knocked around by Shadows. About time I took my turn, right?"
Souji was already halfway to the kitchen. "_Don't_. It's not a joke, Rise, your Persona can't -" He trailed off with an unhappy grunt, then opened the cupboard under the sink and pulled out a dusty-looking first aid kit.
…No way would Senpai have jumped in the television by himself. He couldn't have even been certain he'd make it back out without Teddie. Did that mean someone else was involved? "Senpai, how the hell did y'end up in there?"
"Adachi."
Holy _crap_. "_What_?"
Kanji didn't like Adachi, had never liked Adachi - but because the guy was useless and tactless. Not because he freaking threw people in televisions, because how would a moron like him even manage it?
…But what if he _had_, and he'd done it to Yamano and Saki too?
"He gave me a ride home. I got out of his car, went and unlocked the front door, and he - put a gun to my head." There was a shake at the edge of Souji's voice that he was clearly trying to hide. The effort made the words sound unnatural. "Then he forced me inside and shoved me headfirst through the screen."
"Holy shit," Kanji breathed. "I didn't - I thought the guy was an dick, but-"
"I know. If you told me yesterday what he'd do..." Souji trailed off, shaking his head. He was trying to clean Rise's wound, making her wince at the antiseptic.
"_I_ always thought Adachi-san seemed k-kinda nice," she managed. "B-But why the TV, Senpai? Why didn't he just shoot you?"
"Think about it. Gunshot murders are pretty familiar ground for the police. When someone dies inside the television, the coroners can't tell anything."
"D'you think he knew we were looking for a new culprit?" Kanji asked.
Souji shrugged. He'd moved on to trying to bandage Rise's forearm, though he hadn't put a gauze pad on first and the bandages looked far too loose. "Probably, if he's been watching us. Naoto's been working with him too, she might've let something slip." He paused. "And after we all talked in Aiya...I started to have doubts about him. I might've asked a few too many questions."
"And so the bastard tried to get rid of you."
"He would have, if not for Teddie."
"Plus a bear-y big dose of luck." Ted glared at Souji, hands on narrow hips. "The TV world is huge, Sensei! I don't know how you managed to land so near to me."
"I don't know why you were in there to start with." Senpai's voice was quiet, but not gentle. Kanji couldn't blame him.
"I - I thought Nanako-chan was gone," Teddie said, equally quietly. "And you were mad at everyone."
"...I wasn't angry at you."
He rounded on Souji, fists clenched, an incongruous frown carved deep into his forehead. "Why _not_? Chie-chan, Yuki-chan, Nao-chan, you were so angry at them for what happened and so nice to me but it was _the same thing_, and I don't get it!"
"Not now, Ted," Souji hissed.
Rise gripped his arm with her good hand. "C'mon, Senpai. You never brush anyone off like that."
He glanced at her, then turned back to Teddie - with this strange new expression, something between remorse and desperation. "You're...different. You didn't know what you were doing."
"I _did_. I remember it. I remember what I was thinking," Ted insisted. "And I can help fix Rise-chan."
Kanji blinked at him. What was he gonna do, evoke? "Y'can?"
Ted puffed out his underwhelming chest. "One of the supervisors at Junes showed me First Lemonade, in case anyone got hurt in the store." He knelt beside Rise and peered at the bandage wrapped haphazardly around her arm. "I'm still learning, but I can definitely do better than this."
"I never said I was good at _everything_," Souji pointed out.
Rise's smile was pained but genuine. "I'm impressed, Teddie. And when you're done, I'm gonna yell at you so bad for making me worry."
As Ted began tending to her wounded arm, Souji retrieved his phone from his coat pocket. "We need to call the others. Get everyone together, go get that bastard and-" He paused, frowning at the screen. "Huh. Naoto called."
"She only ever texts me," Kanji muttered without thinking.
"Same. She says it gets to the point quicker. But she didn't leave a message."
Something wasn't right about that. Naoto must've had a reason for calling rather than texting, so why hadn't she let Souji know?
A thought struck Kanji; a very, very bad one. He yanked his phone from his pocket - almost dropping it on the floor in his hurry - and flipped it open. "Damn, she called me too...hold on, she left a voicemail." He switched the phone to speaker then played the message back.
Except there _wasn't_ a message. Just a sudden clattering at the start, followed by faint, rapid footsteps and a muffled voice that Kanji couldn't make out.
"Maybe it's a pocket dial," Souji said.
The tape was still playing, though the voice had suddenly stopped. Then more footsteps, even faster - and a loud, sharp bang.
Kanji's throat seemed to close up. "I-I don't think so, Senpai."
The message had ended there, with - whatever the sound was. A gunshot, maybe, except he didn't want to consider that, because then Naoto might be-
"What was that noise?" Ted asked. "Is Naoto-chan okay?"
Beside him, Rise was wide-eyed with dismay. "Senpai, that sounded like-"
"She's probably still at the station," Souji said, quick and firm. "I'll call the front desk."
Naoto had gone to the station after Aiya. Souji might not be the only obstacle Adachi wanted to remove. Kanji felt his stomach clench in on itself and twist into cold knots as he watched Senpai put his phone to his ear.
"Hello, this is Souji Seta, Detective Dojima's nephew. Is Detective Shirogane currently in the building?" A pause - and the colour washed instantly from his face. "I see. No, you don't have to take a message. Thanks for your help."
Kanji stared at him. "Senpai?"
Souji's face was pale; his expression a strained neutral; his eyes horrified. "He said Naoto left ten minutes ago. With Adachi."
35. Interlude 9
_A/N: You might have noticed that Shortest Distance now has some awesome cover-art. It's by Kharta ( kharta DOT deviantart DOT com) and the link to the full-size version is in my profile (since FFN makes it horribly difficult to post links anywhere else)
_
_He's a very talented guy, and does a lot of excellent Naoto-centric work. Definitely recommend checking out his DA page.
_
_...Right, story time. Naoto interlude again.
_
___(EDIT: Thanks to Tempest Kiro for helping figure out what I didn't make clear in the first version.)_
_Story so far: Kanji helped Souji narrowly survive being thrown in his uncle's television - but they both missed a very important call.
_
_In this part: Naoto kicks out, and Kanji dives in.
_
* * *
**December 5th, 2011**
_We found nothing_, Souji had said, three hours ago in the snow outside Aiya. _Maybe there was nothing to find._
The detective in Naoto vehemently disagreed with this on principle; refused even to entertain the possibility. The rest - exhausted from chasing one dead-end trail after another - wondered if Souji might have been absolutely right. He'd stood with her and Yosuke for fifteen minutes under the falling snow, all of them racking their brains and ransacking their memories for some sort of clue.
Finally, Yosuke had sighed, and said, _It feels like the answer's lost in the fog._
But unsolved mysteries and unanswered questions were intolerable, as were criminals who went unpunished - and something in Yosuke's words had resonated with Naoto, tripped some mental switch. She'd quickly made her excuses and set out for the police station. Hours later, she was still sitting alone at her borrowed desk, poring over the reports from the first two murders. Almost all the other detectives were stuck in a protocol meeting, leaving her alone in the main office.
Inaba's fog now obscured everything beyond a two meter radius. Something lost in it could be far away - or merely a few inches out of reach. Could the same be true for this case?
Namatame had kidnapped his victims under the guise of a deliveryman, and had thus been near invisible to the general public. Presumably the true culprit was too. The police had combed the town for suspects, and found nothing - which alone said little given their incompetence, but neither Naoto nor the team had fared any better. Either the culprit was immensely talented at committing their crimes unnoticed, or-
Naoto paused.
Or they were hiding somewhere the police would never think to look.
An insider job? It was hardly an impossible scenario. She'd investigated one such case before, though that had involved fraud and corruption rather than murder. The trail had led to a network of perpetrators, including one of the detectives involved in the investigation.
For the fifth time, she flipped through the report on Saki Konishi's death. By now, she'd practically memorized the contents - but perhaps the crucial clue was not what the reports said, but who had filed them. Each of various forms and transcribed interviews were signed by two people. As head detective, Ishikawa had signed off on them all, while Dojima had signed only two, both at the tail end of the investigation. The rest all bore Adachi's chicken-scratch signature. Mayumi Yamano's file was more or less the same; Adachi had signed the evidence forms, the statement from Yukiko's mother concerning Yamano's presence at the inn, and the transcripts of the three interviews he conducted with Konishi.
...Three?
Interviewing a witness so many times was unusual. It might be justified if they were somehow been suspected of involvement, but Konishi had possessed both a solid alibi and no discernible motive. Besides, Tohru Adachi was hardly famed for his diligence. He'd been assigned as Yamano's bodyguard and yet hadn't been able to -
Hadn't been able to protect her. Hadn't tried to. Hadn't wanted to, because he -
"Not in the meeting, huh?"
Naoto glanced up. Adachi stood on the other side of the open plan office, wearing that smile: the broad, clueless one that had always been so irritating. He began to walk toward her.
"As a consultant, I'm not required to attend," she said, quickly sweeping the papers back into their files.
Adachi was in front of her desk now, hands shoved in the pockets of his rumpled suit. Daidara's comment when Kanji and Naoto had visited his shop had bothered her at the time, though she hadn't been able to explain why. Now, it made terrible sense.
"Man, you're lucky," Adachi said, with a shake of his head. His smile vanished, replaced by a concerned frown. "Hey, Shirogane - can we talk?"
She swallowed, hard. "About what."
"Dojima's nephew, Souji Seta. You're his friend, right?" Adachi looked down at her - angled brows, a slight crease in his forehead - then leaned over her desk and lowered his voice to a whisper. "I drove him home just now and I think he might be in some trouble."
...Of course.
Among the detectives, it was well-known, if never-mentioned, that whenever Dojima chose to drink himself into a stupor, Adachi would drive him home. Adachi knew where Dojima lived - and in turn, Souji. Delivering those notes would have been trivial.
"What sort of trouble, exactly?" Naoto heard herself ask.
Adachi glanced around the office, biting his lip - such a good actor, but then he had to be - then tipped his head toward the corridor. "C'mon. We'll talk it over in the interrogation room, fewer people eavesdropping."
"The office is empty at present."
"Only because of the meeting. They'll be back out soon, and you know what they're like." A roll of his eyes and a knowing smile, as if they were both in on some joke. "Trust me, my mouth's already gotten me in plenty of trouble."
Naoto had heard Dojima berate Adachi for a variety of transgressions. One of which had been his tendency to talk to Dojima's nephew and his friends, _those damn kids are already mixed up in this crap somehow, Adachi, last thing I need is you making it worse. _She'd seen him at Junes on multiple occasions while watching Souji and the others - never imagining that he might be doing exactly the same thing.
Ability to go unnoticed. Means to observe the team's activities. Knowledge of Souji's home address, and the ability to approach the house without arousing suspicion.
And, like that, the single missing piece of the puzzle finally snapped into place.
Naoto stood from her chair. "Very well, Adachi-san."
The interrogation room was the obvious choice. It was the only room in the building other than the break-room that contained a television. She glanced Adachi up and down: no real muscle tone, but still a head taller than her. She would not be able to overpower him alone. Her revolver was in its holster, tied to her ankle; one of the few ways an unlicensed consultant could discreetly bring a weapon into the station. If Adachi saw her reach down, he might guess she-
He grinned at her, stretched mouth and too many teeth. "Don't worry. This won't take long."
Naoto studied him for a long moment, one hand still gripping the back of her chair, then nodded.
They weaved through the cluttered desks, Adachi leading and Naoto following close behind, until they reached the doorway. He gestured for her to go through first, and it was so perfect - the ideal moment for her to make a break for the meeting room - that she darted forward without thinking.
She made it two steps into the corridor before Adachi grabbed her right arm and wrenched it behind her back. Startled, she tried instinctively to jerk out of his grip, until he twisted harder. Pain shot through her arm, forcing her to remain still.
Something rigid and sharp pressed against the small of her back, cold through her shirt. "What's the hurry, Shirogane?"
Her left arm was free, but Adachi's grip made it impossible to reach her holster. Escape was the best she could hope for.
_Remain calm. _Naoto reached out to Sukuna-Hikona on instinct, and heard nothing.
"We are in a police station," she whispered. "Shoot me, and you'll be brought down in seconds."
"And if I don't, you'll go blabbing to your friends all about big, bad Adachi-san." He leaned closer, his breath warm against her ear. "Which of us has more to lose?"
Her options were hopelessly limited. She could try to break out of his grasp, or demean herself by crying for help. The outcomes would be identical. Adachi had killed twice already. The third possibility was to do exactly as he said, and hope for an opening. Naoto forced her muscles to relax, a challenging task - particularly when he unhooked his handcuffs from his belt and cuffed her hands behind her back.
Obedience, in this case, might get her killed as surely as resistance. Adachi shoved her forward, gun still pressed against her back. As they started walking, she realized they were still heading toward the interrogation room.
"I have a P-Persona. If you throw me in, I can defend myself," she said, desperately willing the shake out of her voice. Adachi had heard it, and he let out a snide chuckle.
"You c-couldn't hold out forever, Sh-Shirogane," he mocked. "Not by yourself. Things have changed over there, believe me."
"Disposing of me will accomplish nothing. The others will put the pieces together."
"Not without Seta," Adachi said, almost offhandedly, and Naoto's stomach plunged. She opened her mouth to ask what he meant, what he'd _done_, but he cut her off. "Besides, this is more for…personal satisfaction."
"What?"
"Let me tell you a story, kid. Back in the spring, some scrawny little brat with a big mouth barged his way into a murder investigation and treated everyone involved like idiots. Took all the credit too, once Kubo was found. Even got himself interviewed on a television show."
Naoto bristled on reflex. "I never wanted to be-"
"Then he went on TV for real. And we learned what a screwed-up _guy_ he really was." Adachi chuckled again: a cold, hollow sound. "See, Shirogane, there's a whole bunch of _rumours_ going around about you right now." He leaned in again, close enough that she could smell stale cigarette ash on his breath. "The kind that could really piss people off."
Naoto had never openly acknowledged her physical sex to any of her work colleagues. She'd heard the whispered comments, witnessed the confused stares, and she already _knew_ there were rumours - but they'd stayed just that. Nobody had yet cared enough to pursue them. Naoto had fully expected problems when someone finally did. She hadn't, however, expected them from Adachi.
...No. Her personal situation had nothing to do with the case or Adachi's crimes. This was an attempt to confuse her, to distract her from planning her escape. She grit her teeth and tried to slow her breath before she spoke. "That is irrelevant, Adachi-san. Turn yourself in now and perhaps-"
Adachi swung her sharply left and shoved her face-first against the wall. The impact forced the breath from her lungs. "You never quit, do you?"
He'd wrenched her arms again, this time twisting them so the cuffs dug into her wrists. At least he couldn't see her wince. "My role is to-"
"Your _role_? How about 'annoying little shit'? Every other idiot in this department would've left Kubo to rot and let Namatame take the fall. But you, you always keep _pushing," _Adachi spat. "Typical interfering _bitch_."
Raw anger flared inside her. _This_ was the reason she'd lied for so long, the Adachis she would've faced at every turn, and the frustrated, childish part of her wanted to lash out verbally, if not physically. The rational part realized they were approaching the break-room and that the door was open.
Naoto peeked inside as they passed, hoping to catch someone's eye. A small crowd of uniformed officers were engrossed in the baseball game being shown on TV. None of them looked up. She let Adachi push her forward, noting bitterly that when she _didn't_ want people around, when she was pacing and thinking over the case, officers would throng every corridor.
"None of them paid attention, huh?" Adachi said. "You should be used to _that_."
Of course she was. And four months ago, she realized, she might've tried to fight him off, even knowing the likely consequences. The same logic that had driven her to engineer her own kidnapping solely because no-one had been willing to listen. But things had changed, hadn't they? She had friends who cared about her, she had a reason to-
"Hurry it up. We need to talk, don't we?" Adachi yanked her to a halt outside the interrogation room. He peered through the small window in the door, then cursed aloud. "Ah, shit. Why now?"
Either one of the detectives was conducting an interview - unlikely, given the meeting - or the officers were using the television again. Naoto had long suspected the only reason the interrogation room had a television was to avoid disagreements over the one in the break-room.
"Well, never mind." He shoved her forward again. "Plan B. Keep walking, Defective Priss."
"You've forgotten the security cameras," she said, knowing that he hadn't; that the Inaba PD's idea of internal security was a joke. "They've captured everything."
"Oh, good point!" Same clueless voice as always, though it quickly shifted into a sneer. "Shame nobody's watching the streams, right?"
"They will eventually." Presumably after her body was found. Or possibly Souji's.
Adachi sounded almost indifferent. "Probably. Once it's too late."
After a few more turns, it became obvious they were heading to the reception area. There would be someone working at the desk, someone who would notice Naoto's predicament and provide assistance. Naoto told herself this, desperately wanting to believe it was true and knowing that people rarely noticed that which was not obvious.
As they walked into the reception area, Adachi pressed closer against her, just before the officer working at the front desk glanced up. Takahira, one of the few uniformed officers who'd been somewhat nice to her; an action which, Naoto realized, had doubtless been unrewarding. "Leaving for the night, Shirogane-san?" he asked.
"Yes. Adachi-san is -" - and Adachi drove the gun's barrel into the small of Naoto's back - "- kind enough to transport me back to my apartment."
Takahira raised his eyebrows, his face breaking into a boyish grin. "Pretty nice of you, Detective Adachi-san."
"Eh, it's nothing. Just helping out." Adachi ruffled Naoto's hair with his free hand. "C'mon, let's get going. It's not safe to be out too late, right?"
From where Takahira was sitting, he wouldn't be able to see the cuffs, but he'd be certain to notice as they left the station. Naoto felt a flash of relief - until the phone rang at the desk and he turned away to answer. The moment he did, Adachi drove Naoto forward at twice the pace, almost making her stumble as he shoved open the glass doors and pushed her through.
Presumably he was taking her to his car. From there, to his apartment. It occurred to Naoto, then, _why_ Adachi might've killed Yamano and Konishi, and what that meant for her - and, as they began to descend the steps to the sidewalk, Adachi slipping his phone back into his pocket, she finally lashed out.
The kick she aimed at Adachi's shins lacked power, but it was enough. Startled, he tripped down the steps, yelping with pain as he hit hard concrete.
Naoto, off-balance from the kick, stumbled forward too - slipping on the iced-over snow clinging to the second step. Momentum kicked in, and she half ran, half threw herself down the steps - then kept going.
She'd barely hit the sidewalk when she heard Adachi behind her. "You stupid _bitch__!_"
Unsurprisingly, the street was deserted. The snow had started again and the air was frigid. There had been no opportunity to grab her coat, either - but her phone was in her back pocket. If she could somehow reach it, contact the others, then-
The thought was lost. Adachi smashed into her from behind, grabbing her shoulders by both hands and throwing her to the ground. She twisted as she landed, trying to avoid a face-full of snow and gravel - and turned her head in time to catch Adachi's fist. A resounding crack filled her ears, her jaw instantly throbbing and her lip tearing open on her teeth.
Naoto suppressed the cry of pain and, on instinct, slammed her heel of her boot directly into Adachi's face. He almost _squealed_, staggering back with what she hoped was a broken nose - and she launched another kick, a sweep into the side of his head.
He crashed to the ground. Naoto pulled herself up. She'd lost her cap in the fall but there was no time to retrieve it. Instead she ran, this time toward the parking lot - the only place with any cover - and darted behind one of the police vans. Despite the cuffs, she managed to tug her phone from her back pocket, drop it to the ground, then grab it with one of her hands.
When she'd first put the team members on speed dial, she'd felt a little ridiculous. Phone calls were not something she enjoyed, and she doubted others would enjoy conducting them with her. Now, she was grateful for whatever spark had made her decided to program Souji's number as the first button.
His phone rang, faintly, then rang again, and again.
Suddenly, Naoto remembered Adachi's comment. _Not without Seta._
Souji might be unable to help. Barely pausing to think, she hit the second button. Again the phone rang, too many times. Finally it connected, to the faint sound of Kanji's voice.
_"Yo, this is Kanji Tatsumi. I dunno why you're callin', but leave a message and I'll get back t'ya."_
His answerphone. A brief, sickening realization hit - that Kanji might be in the same situation as Souji - then all but vanished as Adachi ran past the police van, cursing out load. He swung round a few meters ahead, barely visible in the thick fog, presumably searching for her.
Naoto took a chance, and ran.
A bullet flashed past on her right almost before she heard it fire, and her left arm burst with pain just below the shoulder. _Ignore it. _A graze. She'd experienced it before, one of the few times she'd helped apprehend a suspect, and she knew enough to keep running. Though the fog had muffled the sound, the firing of a bullet might still be loud enough to be heard inside the station. Adachi had to be desperate. That desperation could either work to Naoto's advantage, or get her killed.
She was running out of parking lot. Scaling the surrounding walls would be difficult with cuffed hands. As she passed another van, she pivoted, dropped to the ground - gritting her teeth against the shrieking pain in her arm - and rolled underneath the vehicle. Adachi was snarling something again, far too near, but her heartbeat was pounding in her ears and she couldn't make out the words.
If she'd been fast enough, he wouldn't have seen her in the fog - but she'd been bleeding when she rolled. In the dim light from the streetlamps, it might not be as obvious, and after two savage blows to the head, he might not even think to look. But if he did...
Footsteps crunched nearby on frozen snow. Adachi had stopped talking now. Instead there was the sound of his ragged breathing, mixed with the occasional muttered curse. Naoto flattened herself against the ground, hardly daring to breathe. Then, after what felt like hours, the footsteps receded - followed by the faint sound of a car door slamming, and an engine turning over. Headlights swept across the lot, almost under the van - and moments later, the sound of the engine vanished.
Naoto stayed motionless for what felt like hours more, flat on her stomach, watching the snow under her left biceps turn dark.
Adachi had presumably left - but perhaps he just wanted her to think that, he'd been so determined to harm her - but she couldn't see him through the narrow gap between the van and the ground - but the fog would hide anyone more than a few meters away. Naoto kept twisting these theories in her head, adding and adding. Finally, in a lucid instant, she realized her overthinking was putting her in danger of hypothermia.
She took a deep breath to steel herself and rolled out from under the van. Pain seared through her left arm, but she was able to push herself to her feet.
Help. She needed to get help, warn the others. But when she stumbled back to the first van, where she'd called Kanji, Naoto found her cellphone smashed into numerous pieces. Thinking to re-enter the station instead, she made her way through the fog to the entrance of the parking lot - and almost staggered directly into Souji and Kanji, both standing on the sidewalk with equally wide-eyed expressions.
Kanji was the first to react. "Naoto! Shit, I thought you were…" He trailed off with a sharp shake of his head. He was, Naoto noted, holding her cap in his hands.
…Why were they even here? She hadn't been able to leave a useful message on his phone and they lacked the ability to track her own. "How did you-"
"We called the station," Souji said. His voice was calm, but the tremble at the edge of it sparked a sudden flare of guilt. "They said you'd just left with Adachi. We thought maybe if we got here quickly enough-"
"Dammit, Naoto!" Kanji broke in, with an aggressive swipe at thin air. "We've been callin' you the whole frickin' way here! Why the hell didn't you pick up?"
_Because I was hiding under a van and my phone is in seventeen separate pieces_, Naoto considered saying. Fortunately, Souji spoke first.
"Kanji," he said, warningly, then frowned at Naoto's shoulder. "What happened to your arm?"
Of course. She'd let herself be distracted and they still had to catch him and it was so damn cold and-
Naoto took a deep breath. "Adachi. It was Adachi. He's the killer."
"I know." Souji stepped forward to look at her arm more closely. Kanji still hadn't moved. "Where is he now?"
"He took his car. I don't know where he went."
For a brief moment, Souji's expression turned tense - then broke into a gentle smile that was probably intended to be encouraging. It didn't fully work, but Naoto appreciated the effort. He took the cap from Kanji's hands and placed it on her head. "Well, I hope you gave as good as you got."
"B-Better, I hope." She felt a little deflated, and wanted to ask exactly how and why Souji already knew about Adachi, but now wasn't the time. Far more important they catch him first. Questions could come later. "Could you- -he cuffed my hands. The keys are universal, there should be one in Dojima-san's office. Top drawer of his desk." She'd noticed it thrown in there once, along with coins, paper scraps, and too many empty cigarette packets.
Souji nodded. "Wait here. I'll send Uehara-san over too." With that, he jogged down the sidewalk toward the station entrance, quickly vanishing into the fog.
Naoto turned to Kanji. "Uehara-san?"
"Nurse lady. Lives near Senpai. She drove us here." He was staring; first at Naoto's injured arm, then at her bloody lip. "Adachi did that to you?"
"N-No. I mean - yes. But it's nothing."
Kanji looked unconvinced. Why had she tried to lie? An irrational action, but she was tired and cold and - and Kanji was shrugging off his coat, if he dared to try to-
He draped it over her shoulders, careful to avoid her arm, then tried to fasten the top button - but his hands were shaking, and his fingers brushed against her neck. Naoto immediately flinched. The look she caught in Kanji's eyes made her wish she hadn't.
"Y-You can take it off when Senpai brings the key," he said, looking away. "Just - figured you'd be cold."
"I -" About to stumble into another lie, she stopped, let out a breath, and tried again. "I was. Thank you."
She'd half-expected Kanji to jump on that - saying what, she had no idea - but instead he kept looking away, glowering at what appeared to be a random spot on the sidewalk.
"My shirt. The bullet tore it. Perhaps you - could show me how to fix it." It was hardly worth the effort; the fabric was damp with snow and blood, and the shirt hadn't been one of Naoto's favourites. But she felt the odd, desperate need to say something - or rather, anything that might change Kanji's expression.
He looked at her, cheeks red from the cold, then at her shirt sleeve. "...Ain't worth it, Naoto. The blood won't come outta that fabric."
She swallowed. "Ah."
Kanji kept staring at the sleeve. "That lying, murdering bastard," he muttered. "Who the hell beats up on-"
Naoto shot him a sharp glare. Her tone was sharper still. "On whom?"
"On any of us. On you." Kanji ran a hand through his hair, snowflakes catching on his gloved fingers. "I-I don't _care_ if y'hurt him back, he still-"
"There you are!"
Naoto snapped her head toward the voice. A slim, dark-haired woman was heading toward them, clad in a pale pink puffy coat and carrying a first-aid kit at her side. "Souji told me you were by the parking lot, but it's so hard to see anything in this fog..."
Kanji dipped his head. "Thanks, Uehara-san."
His earlier words still rang in Naoto's ears, loaded with implications, and she barely registered Uehara lifting the coat from her injured side. "Your left arm, isn't it? Let me take a look." She studied the wound, then hummed thoughtfully. "I can bandage it to stem the bleeding, but it's possible you'll need stitches. You'll have to get checked out at the hospital."
"Good thing that's where we're going." Souji appeared through the fog, brandishing a small silver key. He slipped behind Naoto and unlocked the cuffs, finally relieving her aching muscles. "I need to make sure Uncle and Nanako-chan are safe. Kanji, you call Yosuke and Chie. I'll contact Yukiko, and Teddie and Rise." He leaned down to Naoto. "And Naoto, let Uehara-san patch you up."
Adachi was already on the road. They were wasting time. Naoto opened her mouth to object, but the two very different looks Souji and Kanji gave her were identical in their effect. She nodded, resigned, and followed Uehara to her car.
* * *
They pulled into the hospital parking lot twenty minutes later. Thanks to Uehara's driving - at breakneck speed, and on icy roads - Naoto felt considerably worse than when they'd left the police station. Or perhaps the adrenaline rush had just worn off. For whatever reason, her jaw and arm both ached far more than before and she was distinctly light-headed. She leaned back against the side of Uehara's car, eyes screwed shut.
"We should head inside," Souji was saying. "You need to get your arm looked at, Naoto, and I need to check on my family. I know we told the others we'd wait, but…"
Naoto opened her eyes, blinking against the still-falling snow. "Based on my knowledge and assumptions concerning their respective locations, they are unlikely to arrive for some time."
"…Exactly. And the longer we wait..." Souji stopped. "We're _not_ waiting. He might not even be here. And if he is - I'll handle it alone if I need to."
"You won't," Kanji said, huddled down into his sweater. Naoto was still wearing his over-sized coat. "I ain't letting that son-of-a-bitch hurt anyone else."
Souji gave a grim nod, then turned toward her. "Naoto, you should go to the emergency room and-"
"No," she insisted. "I have as much right to be here as either of you." Arguably more than Kanji, who hadn't been thrown in a television or shot at in a parking lot. Yet he'd barely said a word during the drive here, and his expression remained dark and thunderous.
Uehara was standing nearby, phone held to her ear. She flipped it shut and turned to Souji. "I just called the third floor," she said. "Your uncle's fine, a nurse is with him. But I can't get through to anyone on the fifth."
"Whassat mean?" growled Kanji.
She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Probably that they're busy. We don't sit around all night waiting to answer phones."
"Then I'd better go up there myself." Souji was already walking toward the hospital entrance, and the others hurried after him.
"Seta-kun - what's going on here?" Uehara asked. "Adachi attacked your friend. Shouldn't the police be handling this?"
"They haven't bothered all year. Doubt they'll start now."
The four of them walked through the sliding doors of the entrance, crossed the lobby, and headed toward the row of elevators down the corridor from reception. Naoto was grateful for the sudden warmth, more for Kanji's sake than her own.
…Illogical. Not only had he been foolish enough to loan a coat to someone who would bleed on it, he'd then refused to take it back. She thought then of the picnic at the riverside, when Teddie had knocked her into the water and Kanji had shared his coat. He'd been much more accommodating then. But this time was different, for many reasons - and as she glanced sideways at him, Naoto felt a sudden wave of foreboding.
Souji's gazed drifted over the numbers above each elevator as they rose and fell. "I'll go to the fifth floor. If Adachi's there, I'll -" He paused, and let out a breath. "Well, I'll see."
Kanji shook his head. "It's not 'I'."
"What?"
"I. You keep saying 'I' - but you ain't doin' this by yourself."
Yet Souji appeared intent on just that. As much as Naoto was grateful for her friends, that gratitude did not compensate for her inexperience in having them. Weeks had passed since the fight with Namatame and she'd thought that any animosity between her and Souji had dissipated, but was that truly the case? "Kanji-kun is correct, Senpai. Is a lack of trust the issue?"
Souji stared at her for a moment, brow furrowed, before his expression quickly leveled out. "I - trust you both," he managed. "But Adachi...Naoto, he threw me into the TV and tried to murder you in the street. He's _dangerous_."
"So?" Kanji smacked his fist into his palm. "That bastard's the _real_ reason Nanako-chan got hurt! We can take him, Senpai, we've been beatin' down Shadows all year!"
Uehara's eyes narrowed. "Shadows?"
A bell dinged, and the nearest elevator opened. Souji held the doors, but didn't step inside. "We're not fighting that sort of monster, Kanji, not anymore. And this - if it's between me and him, that's fine. I don't want anyone else to get involved."
"Can't always get what you want, Senpai," Kanji muttered, and barged past him into the elevator.
They rode the five floors up in silence. It continued when they exited on the fifth floor, and as they walked briskly through the corridors - but was finally broken when they rounded the corner to Nanako's room, and saw Adachi walk out and close the door behind him.
He'd been in there. Had he just-
"_Adachi!_" Souji roared, and Naoto cringed inwardly, knowing he'd cost them the element of surprise.
Adachi glanced up, wide-eyed, a massive purple bruise already blossoming over his nose and cheeks. Then, he registered the four of them standing there - and took two unsteady steps back.
"Shit - he's gonna -" Kanji started - just as Adachi turned on his heels. "C'mere, you bastard!"
Souji was already halfway through the door to Nanako's room, Uehara close behind. Kanji was barreling after Adachi. Naoto, still light-headed, threw herself into a run after him.
Small and quick as she was, she couldn't catch up. Her earlier injuries and Kanji's raw fury combined kept her a meter behind him at all times. Likewise, he couldn't reach Adachi. They sped around another corner, Adachi leading them into a long, straight corridor - but he ran only a few meters before making a sharp turn into one of the patient rooms. Kanji did likewise, bellowing in rage, and Naoto followed - just in time to see Adachi dive headfirst inside a large television.
Kanji was right behind him.
Naoto's eyes widened. "Kanji-kun!"
There was no time to say anything else. The final syllable was still on her lips as he lunged forward, as if trying to grab Adachi from behind, and plunged straight through the screen.
The room was silent. And Kanji had just-
Naoto ran to the television. She pressed a hand against the screen and let it slip through. Cold air brushed her fingers, but nothing else.
One of the old worlds, a maelstrom of Shadows, a plunge into sheer nothingness - she had no idea where this television led. Where Kanji and Adachi had gone.
Where she might need to follow them.
_No._ The idea alone was ridiculous, she should wait for Souji, she should-
"Naoto!"
Naoto gripped the lower edge of the television set and - with Souji's sharp cry ringing in her ears - jumped through the screen.
36. Chapter 27
_A/N: Kudos again to Kharta for his awesome artwork of Naoto's escape from Adachi last chapter. See my profile for the link. If any other readers create P4 fanart based on my writing, let me know! I would love to see it, and add links if permitted (there are a couple of sketches I haven't linked to, since I'm uncertain whether the arists would be okay with it)_
_Story so far: After failing to do away with both Souji and Naoto, Adachi jumped into the television...immediately followed by Kanji...closely followed by Naoto._
_In this part: Naoto holds her own, __Kanji holds a grudge,_ and the kouhai hold a sleepover.
* * *
He hadn't meant to jump.
As he plunged through the vortex, a small part of Kanji's mind was horrified that he'd done it, that he'd been so frigging _dumb_ - but the rest was blind with twisting, sickening rage. Adachi had murdered two people, Adachi was the reason Nanako-chan had nearly died, Adachi had tried to kill Naoto and Senpai. Adachi had to be stopped, no matter what it took to do it.
He had time for one dizzy glimpse of fog on the other side before he hit the ground hard, landing sideways, a sharp pain spearing through his chest. Head tilted, he could see he was lying on a chequerboard grid of red and black tiles. Everything else was murky grey – save for Adachi, sprinting ahead of him.
Kanji hauled himself to his feet, the stab of pain in his ribs now barely registering. "C'mere, asshole!"
Adachi glanced over his shoulder, looking genuinely nervous, but kept running. Angry as Kanji was, catching up was impossible. As the red and black tiles turned into barren brown dirt, Adachi was somehow putting more and more distance between them – until he finally stopped, a dim figure in the fog ahead, then turned around and dropped to his knees.
Bastard must've run out of steam. Would make it even easier to take him down. He was both shorter and slighter than Kanji and hadn't spent half a year kicking Shadow ass. Better go easy on him, or he might wind up—
Adachi lifted his head – pale skin, dark eyes, dried blood streaking from his nose – and for the briefest moment, Kanji saw his mouth twist into a smirk. It vanished the next instant as he slammed his palms against his head. His back arched and he was shouting something, but the words were swallowed in a sudden rush of air as a Persona burst into being above him. Kanji caught only a glimpse of it before a blast of wind slammed into him and tossed him through the air like a ball of scrunched-up paper. He slammed into the ground again, a tangle of limbs, and fell into a rough tumble over the dirt. And somehow, above it all, he kept thinking how _familiar _Adachi's Persona had looked – until his head smacked into something he couldn't see, too hard and too fast, and his thoughts were lost.
* * *
Kanji came round to three things: a catalogue of aches and pains, the sound of a Turret blasting shells too close by, and Sukuna-Hikona zooming over his head.
He tried to bolt upright, figure out what the hell was going on, but the pain in his ribs made it too difficult to even sit up. There was a sudden crunch of metal and a hiss of air to his right, presumably Sukuna-Hikona taking something out. Maybe the Turret. Nice of the little guy to help, even if he was kind of usele—
Wait. Sukuna-Hikona couldn't be here alone. Which meant...oh, _shit_.
Kanji sat up, teeth clenched against the pain. In front of him, Naoto fired even more holes in a drooping Gene Freak, followed by a Mudoon that swallowed the Shadow whole.
Why was she here? No way was Naoto as dumb and impulsive as him. Had Souji followed too? Kanji glanced around but saw nothing else, not even a single rogue Shadow. Naoto must've gotten them all – and now she was heading toward him, Sukuna-Hikona obediently hovering behind. The Persona looked – odd. He kept flickering, like a bad picture on a television set. If Naoto had noticed it, she didn't seem concerned. She was too busy elevating blankness to an art form, a fact Kanji might have dwelled on a little longer if he hadn't been trying to figure out whether he wanted her to be here. Part of him wanted to yell at her just for following. Another was dreading her yelling at him. Another still was just grateful she'd saved his damn life, and for once, it was this part that took the reins. "Yo, N-Naoto."
She knelt down beside him. "Are you injured?"
"M'fine. Bit of a headache." Understatement - he swore he could feel every scratch and bruise on his face, and pain was searing through his chest – but he'd live. Besides, if he told Naoto everything, she'd just worry. Or he liked to think she would.
Naoto hummed in thought. Behind her, Sukuna-Hikona faded into the air. "Tilt back your head," she told Kanji, edging toward him on her knees.
"Why?"
"You were unconscious when I arrived, so you may have a concussion. I need to see your eyes."
Why was she fussing? He didn't feel _that_ bad. "But my eyes don't hurt. Just my head."
"A severe concussion may cause unusual eye movements or unequal pupils," Naoto said, in a monotone that made him wonder whether she'd actually done this in practice, or just read about it in some book. And then her face was above him, her eyes carefully studying his, and it might've been massively awkward if he wasn't now terrified of being permanently brain-damaged. Holy crap, he couldn't have been out more than a few minutes, could he?
Naoto pulled back and stood up. "Any nausea or confusion?" she asked, still watching him.
"Nah. Like I said, just a headache."
She looked down at him a moment longer – expression still far too blank – then held out her hand, in a gesture guaranteed to end up with Kanji pulling her on top of him and having to deal with blood loss on top of everything else. But he didn't want to hurt her feelings, unlikely as that was with Naoto, and so he grabbed her hand and pushed himself up, ribs throbbing with the motion. A couple of them had to be cracked, if not broken.
Once on his feet, he looked down at her. She was still wearing his coat, draped over her shoulders with the top button fastened. "Thanks," he mumbled. "Uh – you doin' okay? You were hurt."
"I am fine," she said, flatly – then started to turn away – then turned back to him and snapped, "Kanji-kun, what the hell were you _thinking_?"
Shit. He'd known this was coming sooner or later. Kanji debated telling her he'd already mentally kicked his own ass and saved her and Souji the bother, but instead he ducked his head and stared at the ground. "I know, alright? Just – lost my temper." Take-Mikazuchi should've cut in at that point, rumbled at him and generally conveyed what a complete idiot he was, yet the Persona stayed silent.
Naoto didn't. "And that somehow justifies this?" She started forward, hands clenched in vicious fists at her sides. "Throwing yourself into a television out of frustration? Are you completely _stupid_?"
She was furious, maybe even worried and scared, Kanji _knew_ that, but if she wanted her words to sting – and he wasn't convinced she did – she couldn't have picked better. Hurt transformed itself into anger of his own, poured on top of the simmering rage that'd landed him in here to begin with. "Yeah, well, maybe I am! But if you're so damn smart, why'd you fricking jump in _after_ me?"
Something flickered over Naoto's expression, too quickly for him to catch, but it seemed to take all her anger with it. Her fists had unfurled, her arms stiff and motionless. "I – knew you would be unable to fight Adachi alone," she said, looking away. "And I was the nearest to the television when you leapt in."
Even Kanji could see the flaws in that reasoning. He would have been happy to point them out, until he started wondering about her _real_ reasons for following him – and what, if anything, the act itself had truly meant.
...No way. Wishful thinking. After a bullet wound, crawling through snow, and a generally shitty evening, Naoto could be forgiven a few bad decisions. His hand moved to the back of his neck. "Well, uh, thanks. For helpin'."
"You...you don't need to thank me. The situation is simply ridiculous." She shook her head. "And yet _I _was the reckless one for provoking the kidnapper."
"S'different, you planned that. This was –" Kanji stopped and grit his teeth. "I _couldn't_, alright?"
"Couldn't what?"
"Let that bastard run away." He swallowed in an effort to force down the rush of anger coursing up through his chest and throat. "You know Adachi used to hang out at the Dojimas' house? Senpai told me. Son-of-a-bitch ate at the same damn table as Nanako-chan."
Naoto grimaced. "He babysat her too. At Dojima-san's request."
That didn't surprise Kanji, not after what he'd seen tonight. It was just more fuel for the pyre. Adachi hadn't just stabbed a friend in the back, he'd hurt a kid, a kid he was supposed to protect. He'd been faking it the whole way through. "Y'see? He could've stepped in, stopped it all, hell, even helped us save her, but he _didn't_, because the only thing he gets off on is other people being hurt!" Then, before Kanji could stop himself, "And then you got in a fight with him!"
Naoto shot him a glare sharper than shattered glass. "That _wasn't_ my fault."
"...Yeah. Sorry. I know." He'd gotten carried away. Didn't matter how utterly shit-scared he'd been when he'd heard that gunshot. He let out a long breath and tried not to wince at the piercing pain in his ribs. "But you really know how t'get yourself neck-deep in trouble, y'know?"
He'd expected a tart response, some Naoto-level equivalent to 'none of your business', but instead she looked away. "You are injured. Now isn't the time for discussion," she said, rapid and businesslike. "Do you have your glasses?"
She was hurt too; that was one of several reasons he'd gotten so furious. Was this just her way of letting him off the hook? Kanji didn't know what to think, and his burgeoning headache wasn't helping. "Think so...lemmee check." Too many rough falls in the past had meant a lot of impromptu repair jobs from Ted. Kanji recently had the sense to make a hard case for them – painting purple cats on it too, and to hell with Hanamura's snide comments – and when he pulled it from his back pocket and flipped it open, the glasses were intact. "Yeah, they're good. You got yours?"
She shook her head. "Unfortunately, they were in my coat."
Almost on reflex, Kanji held out his pair. "Take mine."
"That would accomplish nothing. In either case, one of us would be blind."
More like one of them would soon be out cold. It was just liked Ted had always said: humans didn't belong here. "Then we'll share," Kanji said. "When you start feeling bad, I'll give 'em to you, and vice versa."
"Put your glasses on, Kanji-kun." From her tone, he was convinced he'd be carrying her out of here unconscious - until she added, "You are correct. The optimal solution is to share them in order to stave off this world's ill effects."
He had a feeling she wouldn't speak up when she needed to swap – but based on what Kanji remembered, it'd be pretty obvious. "Alright. So...what do we do now?" The world seemed to be shifting around them, the fog gradually rolling back. To his right, the dirt ground now led onto cracked concrete, something that looked like a road. Was that where Adachi had gone?
"Souji-senpai will not leave us here," Naoto said, more adamant than Kanji had ever heard. "He may well enter through the same television - in which case, we should not venture far." She gestured toward him. "And, as I said, you are clearly injured."
If Kanji was being honest with himself, he knew she was right – breathing hurt, never mind walking - but waiting out in the open would be even more harmful. "Look, if we stay put, more Shadows might come after us. Maybe we can find somewhere to hole up." Best way to avoid a fight they might not win. Shit, he didn't even have his shield; right now, he would've settled for a folding chair, not that he'd be able to swing it. But at least Naoto had her gun - and Take-Mikazuchi and Sukuna-Hikona were both still there, no matter what else might be up with them.
"We may not find a suitable location," Naoto said. "This place...it's still forming. Look around."
The fog had rolled back even further. Next to the road, Kanji could see piles of debris: concrete, wood, metal girders. There were vague outlines in the distance that looked like ruined buildings – explaining where all the junk came from. But what was this place supposed to be?
"Possibly this is what happened when each victim first entered," Naoto said. "The world reshaping itself to fit the individual."
Which was true, but Kanji had figured it happened instantly. The bathhouse had been fully formed, from the wooden walls to the benches to the steam rising from the water. "I don't remember anythin' like that."
"You were most likely unconscious from the chloroform. I fell unconscious after being thrown in, and didn't wake up until I was inside my Shadow's base."
Kanji's attention was diverted. Something had caught his eye, a splash of red in the nearest heap of rubble. He peered closer, and a sick chill spiraled through his stomach.
"Whatever this place is, it must be derived from Adachi's consciousness," Naoto was saying, somewhere in the background, "and we simply arrived too soon for—"
"Naoto."
She frowned at the interruption. "What?"
Mouth dry, he pointed to the wreckage of the Moel gas station sign, half-buried under broken slabs of concrete. "We're in the shopping district."
As Naoto followed his hand, her eyes widened. "But - this world already has a replica of that place. Darker and emptier than the real thing, but nothing like this."
"Exactly. This one's _worse_. Look at it."
'It' consisted of buildings that looked ready to collapse, and the piles of debris left by those that had. From the ruined garage, he could see the hollow shell of the bookstore, half-demolished, and most of the other shops in this end of the district were already rubble. The fog had lifted a little more, revealing more buildings in the distance, jagged outlines against the red and black sky. It would've been disturbing enough if he hadn't recognized it, but he sheer familiarity was a punch in the gut.
…What if the textiles shop was-
"We could shelter in one of the buildings." Naoto looked at him. "It doesn't have to be—"
"Right," Kanji cut in. "We – we'll stay down the south end."
They walked slowly along the road, toward the ruined garage, Naoto keeping her gun armed the whole time and carefully glancing around them for signs of movement. The garage itself – or rather, the big pile of debris it'd turned into - wouldn't offer any cover. Nor would what was left of the bookshop.
Daidara's, however, might work. The front door was almost blocked by a fallen telegraph pole, and part of the roof was gone completely – but at least all four walls were still standing and it probably wouldn't collapse on them soon as they walked in. Kanji figured that, right now, 'probably' was the best they could hope for. He moved to enter, but Naoto darted in front of him and crept into the shop.
Inside, it looked as wrong as the rest of the district. It was far emptier than the real thing and seemed coated not just in dust, but in filth; the same feeling Kanji had every time he walked through the fog still blanketing the town. The weaponry on the walls dripped black slime, and the armour mannequins hung limp from the ceiling. On the counter, bright amid the grime, lay a single white chrysanthemum.
The back of the shop would've offered the most cover, but it was buried under splintered beams of wood from the collapsed roof. Naoto gestured for Kanji to sit down in the center of the shop floor instead. Since anywhere else put him near either black goo or creepy shop dummies, he obliged. He'd expected Naoto to sit down too, but instead she kept pacing, one wall to the other, gun still in hand.
"How's your arm?" he asked.
"Fine," she told him, evenly. "The wound was shallow and Uehara-san was able to dress it sufficiently."
His first thought was that she had to be bluffing, because who the hell was that calm about getting shot at? Then he remembered exactly what they spent their after-school hours doing. Jumping inside televisions and fighting monsters made everything else seem tame. It wasn't healthy. Kanji wondered what it would be like once all this was over, what scars the team would walk away with – assuming they walked away at all.
He shifted against the grubby wooden floor – crap, his trousers were gonna get filthy – then turned to Naoto again, and held out the glasses. "You should take these. S'your turn." And then, because she still looked like she'd refuse, he added, "They'll help you keep watch."
After a second's hesitation, she reached down and plucked them from his hand. "Very well. The Shadows here will be difficult to neutralize."
"You took out two of 'em earlier."
"Before this area of the world had chance to form. I theorize that the Shadows are weaker in that time, with no external force to focus them."
_External force. _Adachi. Figured any world he'd create would be supremely screwed up. Kanji had seen only pieces of it so far, and it was still worse than all the others put together.
He leaned back on his palms, still trying to find a position that didn't make his ribs feel like they were poking through his skin. The room lapsed into a tense silence; the type he should've wanted to continue, because it meant they weren't being attacked, but which itched along his spine all the same. He was on the verge of breaking it, trying to start a conversation with Naoto about this world, Adachi, whatever he could think of, when a voice came from outside the shop.
"Well, at least you two didn't wander far."
Before he could register who he'd heard, Kanji was up on one knee, his fists raised. Naoto went one step further, aiming her gun and pivoting toward the door in one smooth motion.
Souji started back in the doorway, hands raised. "Uh, not quite the reception I was expecting."
Kanji's and Naoto's responses were identical. "Senpai!"
He walked further inside the shop. Just like Kanji, he was unarmed and unprotected. "Are you both okay?"
In place of an answer, Kanji launched himself into what promised to be a messy and stumbling explanation. "Uh, Senpai, I—"
But before he could even get started, Souji held up a palm. "Kanji, I get it. You were pissed off, and I should've seen it coming." He turned to Naoto, with a frown that somehow mixed relief with exasperation. "But Naoto, what the hell made _you_ jump in?"
For a single moment, Naoto looked very uncomfortable. It disappeared almost instantly, buried under careful detachment. "Your own rule, Senpai. Nobody enters the television alone."
"Accurate, but missing the point." He glanced between them both, eyebrows still angled in frustration. Finally, he slowly shook his head. "Look, we'll pick this up later. Right now I'm more interested in finding Adachi."
"Shouldn't we search for a means of escape?" Naoto asked.
"That too. But he –" Souji stopped, took a breath, tried again. "He didn't hurt Nanako-chan just now, but he _tried_. If the nurse hadn't walked in when she did, he - I need to stop him. I need to _see_ him."
Kanji suspected that wasn't all Senpai wanted to do, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel the same way. Maybe Naoto did too, because she didn't veto the idea outright. "That plan entails a high level of risk," she said, and left it at that.
Souji quirked an eyebrow at her. "So did jumping in here."
She tipped up her chin. "And you jumped in after us, Senpai, with no clear plan on how to escape."
"…I guess I deserved that." He shrugged. "I was worried about you."
Kanji tried hard to ignore the sudden flush over Naoto's cheeks and focused on two facts: that Souji still hadn't asked for any explanation – something Kanji was endlessly thankful for – and that he deserved some gratitude. "Thanks for bailing us out, Senpai."
Souji waved him off. "Just doing what you did for me. Here, I'll heal you up," he said, holding up his palm and willing his card into his hand. When he crushed it, Kanji expected to see one of Senpai's newer Personas – the winged sword-wielding guy, maybe, or that chick with the red cape – but instead, Izanagi flashed into the air, naginata held ready.
Souji blinked up at him. "What? I didn't call—" He cut himself off and peered closer. Izanagi was flickering, just like Sukuna-Hikona; a signal half-swallowed by static. "What's wrong with him?"
"Sukuna-Hikona was the same," Naoto said, quietly.
"Is it Adachi? Because he's in control of this place?" Souji blurted – then stopped and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he tilted his head back and stared upward, taking in the shop's half-collapsed roof and the red and black sky beyond.
"Possibly. Alternatively, the fog may be the cause. Since it set in, my connection to Sukuna-Hikona has been – disrupted."
"Understatement, I know – but this is definitely bad." Souji kept his gaze on the sky, brow knitted with what looked like concentration. After several long moments of silence, just at the point when Kanji was considering speaking up, he lowered his head. "I can't hear any of the others, and Izanagi has no healing magic. I'm sorry."
Kanji rolled his shoulders. "S'fine. Nothin' I can't walk off."
Naoto glanced at him, catching his eye, and folded her arms. "Likewise."
Souji's expression suggested he didn't believe either of them, but he still nodded. "Fair enough. We should get moving. I asked Uehara-san left to fetch Rise and Teddie from the house as soon as you both jumped in. I'd intended to wait until they arrived, but…"
"But you lost your rag too?" Kanji filled in. Sometimes, it was nice to know Senpai was only human.
"Like I said, I was worried. The last I heard, all three of them were on route to the hospital. I told Rise and Teddie to follow us in here, so we need to head back to where we first landed." He turned to Naoto. "As a heads-up, Naoto, Rise's planning on yelling at you for a week."
"I jumped in first," Kanji pointed out.
"And that surprised Rise about as much as it did me." Souji sighed, and shook his head. "You're hot-headed, Kanji. I shouldn't have let you follow Adachi alone."
And there wasn't any real justification for Kanji doing so. There was, however, the intense need to prove Souji wrong. "I'm not a kid, Senpai. An' I didn't mean t'lose my temper, I just—"
The retort was lost as the shop's northern wall erupted into flame.
Black smoke billowed inside the room, embers falling from the wall and sizzling on the floor. Kanji instinctively ducked, arms over his head. Dizzy, with Souji's voice ringing in his ears, he glanced up at the counter. Two chrysanthemums now lay on the surface. Rational thought took over an instant later – shit, what was he _doing_, he needed to get out - but the smoke had set him into a fit of coughs, each one driving a stab of pain through his ribs. In the seconds it took to rise to his knees, the flames had engulfed the entire wall, rushing up over what was left of the roof. He tried to stand, stumbled, tried again – and Souji was suddenly at his side, hauling him to his feet. Together, they stumbled across the shop and out the door into the street, just in time to catch Sukuna-Hikona rocket into the air and toss a Hamaon rune.
Kanji didn't even see what Shadow was hit, only the column of golden light that swallowed it up then quickly faded into a few glowing specks. Whatever it was, it must've torched the shop. Good thing there only seemed to be one, he thought, until he saw the figure who'd been standing a few meters behind it.
"Wow, the Defective Priss is good for something after all!"
Beside him, Souji cursed under his breath.
Adachi sauntered toward them, slowly clapping his hands. "I gotta congratulate all three of you, really. I never thought you'd actually follow me. That takes a _special_ sort of dumb."
Naoto kept her gun trained on him at every step. "Return with us, Adachi, and face your crimes!"
"Nah. I prefer it here." He spread his arms wide. "This place just…responds to me."
"Don't be stupid," Souji almost spat. "The Shadows will rip you apart."
Adachi tipped his head and grinned. "Really? Check _this_ out."
He snapped his fingers and blinked out of existence – and in his place, a giant white mech flashed into empty space. It towered over them all and made Kanji think of the Junes toy department; meaning it looked far too much like the one the team had battled months ago in Naoto's laboratory. The mech was eerily still, but Souji was already stepping backward, trying to put space between them. "…I don't think we can beat this."
Kanji gulped, acutely aware of the pain in his chest. "Then you two run for it, yeah?"
Naoto was edging away from the mech too, though her gun stayed aimed at its head. "We _aren't_ leaving you," she insisted, just as the mech lurched into life. Its arms rose first, bringing its sword to bear.
Dammit, Souji and Naoto needed to leave _now_. Kanji had been stupid enough to jump in here; he'd have to pay the price. His jaw felt tight, like the muscles had turned to glass. "But we ain't got Rise! How're we gonna know how to fight it?"
Souji had stopped backing off. He drew a deep breath. "…We try everything we have. We just need to hold out until Rise and Teddie get here." He nodded toward Kanji. "You're in no shape to fight. Hang back."
"But—"
Senpai fixed him with a glare. "_Hang back_, Kanji. Listen out for Rise and guide her here."
The mech clunked toward them, joints creaking. It'd barely made it one step before Souji evoked. Izanagi materialized above, lifted his free arm, fired a bolt of white lightning toward the Shadow. The bolt's aim was true, and it zapped the mech square in the chest – then reflected straight into Izanagi. Persona and owner both stumbled back with a cry of pain, Souji twitching as energy arced over Izanagi's form.
Holy shit. The mech repelled electricity?
The one thing Kanji could've done was tell Take-Mikazuchi to start tossing out lightning bolts. Now, that'd be useless. And so was Souji's only Persona.
Ahead, Sukuna-Hikona darted high into the air with his hands glowing white. Kanji instinctively shielded his eyes – and an instant later, a Megidola crashed down.
It wouldn't be enough. If Naoto's theory was right, the Shadows here were only growing stronger as the world became fully formed. True enough, when the light faded, the mech was still moving toward them, somehow even faster now. Izanagi flashed into life again, this time lunging forward and slashing his naginata across the Shadow's torso. The ring of metal on metal echoed through the air – but the mech didn't flinch.
"Dammit," Souji snapped. "Nothing Izanagi has can even scratch it!"
Kanji glanced at him. "You got a plan, right?" Senpai _always_ had a plan.
Souji glanced at the nearest pile of debris. "One I just made up," he said, then ran over and tugged a long metal bar out from the wreckage. How the hell would that help any more than Izanagi's naginata? Kanji would've asked what the hell Senpai was thinking, but Sukuna-Hikona dive-bombed into a second Megidola, the roar of energy drowning out all sound.
This time, the mech staggered back, its movements jerkier – but shit, Naoto couldn't keep throwing those out much longer. Both she and Sukuna-Hikona had noticeably slowed down, and the Persona kept rippling with static.
_Kanji-kun, hold on! I can hear all of you, Teddie and I are on our way!_
They'd actually _made_ it here. Kanji tried as hard as he could to convey their location, build a mental picture, but Rise didn't answer.
In the gap following the last Megidola, Souji darted forward. The mech's sword crashed down, missing him by centimeters, and Kanji finally realized what he was trying to do as he speared the metal bar through the Shadow's knee joint. The mech stumbled, unable to bend one leg. It could still drag the limb behind it, but the damage had slowed it down and bought them some time. It took a second, clumsy swing with its sword, but Souji had already bolted out of reach.
Maybe they could _do_ this. Beat this thing down, prove that bastard Adachi wrong. The feeling only intensified when Kanji heard two voices cry out behind him: "Sensei!", first, immediately followed by "Senpai!"
Souji glanced over his shoulder. "Rise?"
Kanji didn't dare take his eyes off the Shadows, but he still snapped. "Get over here an' help!"
"That's _rude_, Kanji-chan." Teddie waddled up beside him, fully suited up. "You keep ending up in here, even though you know it's—"
"Not now, Ted!" Souji yelled. "Find us a way out!"
A third Megidola hit in a blast of light, but this one was off-centre, too far to the mech's left to deal much damage. Sukuna-Hikona dipped toward the ground, wings drooping, and Naoto fell to her knees as the Shadow lunged forward.
Later, Kanji would be grateful that the mech hadn't used its sword. Right now, as it swung its free arm toward Naoto, his only response was to rush forward. He made it one step before he doubled over, the pain lancing through his chest too much to stand – and the mech grabbed Naoto in its fist and hauled her into the air.
"Naoto!" someone cried – Souji? Kanji couldn't tell – and Sukuna-Hikona frantically swooped up toward the Shadow's head. Whatever the Persona planned on doing, he didn't make it. The mech hurled Naoto at him like a rag doll. Both slammed into the ground in front of Kanji, in what seemed like slow motion: Sukuna-Hikona barely cushioning his owner's fall before vanishing into nothingness, Naoto almost _bouncing_ before hitting the ground a second time.
Screw the mech. Kanji stumbled forward, teeth grit against the pain, and dropped clumsily to her side. "Shit, Naoto!"
After what felt like minutes of motionless silence, Naoto slowly rolled over onto her back and lifted herself up on her elbows. She turned her head away and spat out a mouthful of dust and blood. "I – I'm fine," she managed. "We – S-Sukuna-Hikona has to –" She clutched her side, the rest dissolving into a hiss.
Sukuna-Hikona had punched well above his weight, but the little guy had nothing left. "He's tapped out," Kanji said, eyeing Naoto carefully. "You sure you're okay?"
"Please – refrain from _babying_ me, K-Kanji-kun."
Souji was at their side a second later. He dragged Kanji up first, though his attention was on the mech. "Any time you like on that portal, Ted!"
"I can't do it, Sensei!" Teddie cried. "Adachi has too much power over this place!"
"Then try _harder_!"
"I-I can make a portal to somewhere else. I'm not bear-y sure where, but—"
"Do it!" With Kanji on his feet, Souji slipped his arm around Naoto and yanked her up too, ignoring her yelp of pain; something Kanji couldn't quite do. He opened his mouth, intending to ask yet again if she was okay and knowing he'd get an even more pissed-off answer - and behind him, the air ripped open.
Ted was standing by a red and black portal, identical to the sky. Where it led, Kanji had no idea. "Got it, Sensei! Come on, everyone, let's go!"
They made it to the portal in a hurried stumble – Rise racing forward and grabbing Naoto, and Souji swapping to drag Kanji instead. It wasn't until they'd already plunged through that Kanji remembered they had no idea where the hell they'd end up. Who was to say they wouldn't go somewhere worse?
When they reached the other side and his vision finally cleared, he was partly proven right.
At first glance, it looked like a crummy apartment: dim light, crappy furniture, dust and grime everywhere. The problem was the walls. Blood was splashed across them, dripping down over dozens of faceless posters. They showed someone in a kimono, with all their features cut out. On the far side of the room was a set of glass doors, open wide and letting grey fog filter into the eerily quiet room.
"Not this place again," Souji hissed. "This is where Mayumi Yamano met her Shadow."
Rise glanced around, eyes wide. "It feels _wrong_. Everything about it. Having to scan here makes me—" She stopped, biting her lip. "S-Sorry. Himiko's just causing trouble," she said, looking at Souji - and her eyes widened. "Senpai, what happened to your Personas?"
Still leaning against him, Kanji could feel Souji's shoulders tense. "Good question. I can only call Izanagi, and he's not quite there when I do, just like Sukuna-Hikona."
"He charged up first," Naoto said, faintly. "The Megidolas – should have been more powerful."
By this point, Rise was practically holding Naoto up. "C'mon, Naoto-kun," she said, leading her toward the couch. "Let's get you sat down."
"I-I'm fine. Just...tired."
"I would be too," Souji said. "You really carried us there, Naoto."
"Thank you, Senpai." She took off Kanji's glasses and held them out. "Pass these to Kanji-kun...please."
Souji stepped away, took the glasses, and handed them back to Kanji. Though he wasn't really cool with taking them, Naoto's timing was right. The dizziness had been building ever since he'd spilled out of Daidara's shop.
Ted sniffed the air, eyebrows angled in concentration. "I think I can make a portal out now. Adachi doesn't have much power here."
"Then get us back to the lot. We heal up and tool up."
"And then we come back an' wallop that bastard so hard," Kanji added, "he'll be picking his teeth up next Thursday."
Souji gave an ironic, lopsided sort of half-smile. "How'd you guess?"
"Now, now. Violence is _never_ the answer, Seta. You're supposed to be the diplomat!"
Naoto turned toward the window, one arm still slung over Rise's shoulders. "Adachi."
"Hey, Shirogane. Still kicking?" Hands shoved in his pockets, Adachi nodded toward Kanji. "I expected that dumbass to be stupid enough to jump in here, but you? Some _genius_ you turned out to be."
"As – I said," she managed, breathing hard, wincing each time, "you must come back - and face your crimes."
"We know you're the real killer," Souji said, smooth and far too level. "You threw Yamano and Saki Konishi into the TV."
"Plus Kubo, and you." Adachi wagged a finger. "Don't forget that. Man, I really caught you off-guard!" He shuddered with giggling laughter, high-pitched and maniacal. Several seconds passed before he'd recovered enough to speak. "But see, Yamano was an accident. I'd just called her to the inn's lobby to talk a few things over, and she got all _hysterical_. What else was I supposed to do?"
"How 'bout _not_ murdering her?" Kanji growled.
"It wasn't murder, moron. I didn't know it was dangerous inside the TV. I only wanted to punish the stupid bitch for playing around with Namatame." The sentence had started with a sneer but ended on a disgusted snarl. "Just another gold-digger hitting on a guy who'll rise to office. That high-schooler was exactly the same, whatever her name was."
"Konishi," said Souji, quietly. "She was Saki Konishi."
"Whatever. Y'know, I was the one who encouraged Namatame to get started, first time he called the station. And the game of cat-and-mouse just went on and on...him throwing people in, you guys pulling them back out. It was awesome. Gotta admit, I didn't expect you to figure me out." Adachi grinned, and the edges were too sharp. "But I like it. Games need surprises."
"Why did you do it?"
He paused, head tipped, as if genuinely considering the question – then shrugged. "Because I could. And it was fun."
Rise stared at him, aghast. "_Fun_?"
"Don't worry, Rise-chan," Naoto said. "He - will pay for his crimes."
"How would you prove it? 'He put people inside TVs'? C'mon, Shirogane. I know you think the cops in this town don't have two brain cells to rub together, but even they won't buy that." He leaned against the glass doors, almost casually, but his gaze was lasered on Naoto. "Nobody gave a damn what you said before. You know the department spent two whole months trying to get _rid_ of you? Dojima included, for all the good it did. And when you finally snapped over Kubo—"
"This _isn't_ relevant," Naoto cut in, through clenched teeth
Adachi's eyebrows arched in mock surprise. "Oh, these guys weren't there for that, were they? Some stuck-up little bitch throwing a tantrum in front of the head of department." His mouth twisted upward: half-sneer and half-grin. "You gotta love the irony, though! All that crap about how nobody wanted to know the truth, and you were lying the whole time." The sneer flashed away, replaced with a lazy shrug. "You're a freak, Shirogane."
And it'd been so matter-of-fact, so much an echo of all the times Kanji had heard the same applied to him, staying silent was impossible. "Shut it, asshole!" he snapped. "I only see one freak here and it ain't Naoto. You're a sick bastard!"
"And I couldn't care less what a big dumb ape thinks of me. You don't matter." Adachi raised an arm in a distracted sweep around the dimly lit room. "None of this does. Soon enough, the world out there will become just like this one."
Teddie's voice had turned panicked. "Wh-What do you mean?"
"The fog's leaking out. The two worlds are merging. There'll be no difference, no "sides" anymore."
"We'll stop you.' Souji said, with a calm confidence Kanji wished he shared. "Doesn't matter what lies you spout."
This only set Adachi cackling again, louder than ever yet without a shred of amusement. "Seta, I know your kind. Everyone's best friend!" There was bite in his voice now, a startling viciousness as his gaze snapped over each of the group. "Except these idiots are just puppets. You use them for what you need, then you spit them back out."
"...That's not true."
"Yeah? How much time do you spend with them once you've got what you want?" Souji opened his mouth to answer, but Adachi kept going. "None. You take, take, take until there's nothing left worth having. You're a parasite - and you're so damn _friendly_, nobody ever figures out what you are underneath." He tried to grin, same as before, but this time it looked brittle and sour. "See, you, me and Shirogane, we all have something in common. I'm not the only one who pretended to be something I'm not."
Rise pitched forward, pulling Naoto with her. "Don't you dare talk about Senpai like that!"
"It's fine, Rise." Souji's voice was low, detached. "I know who I am."
"Whatever. Like I care about some bimbo bitch's opinion. I would've been fine with letting you wander round till the Shadows got you, same as the ape and that bear," Adachi sneered, then glanced at Naoto and Souji in turn. "But you two – well. Third time's the charm, right?"
Naoto shook her head. "W-We escaped the Shadow you called."
"You won't escape all of them." A smirk crept over his face, lazy and indulgent. "And who's to say I won't take you out right now?"
"He can't." Rise's brow furrowed. "This isn't his real body…the real Adachi is somewhere else."
"Wow, you can tell that much? I'm impressed!" Adachi clapped his hands together just as slow as before; a mockery of applause that stopped dead within seconds. "But you haven't figured out the bigger picture, have you?"
"What do you mean?" Souji asked.
"By the end of the year, Inaba will disappear completely into the fog. Soon, this place will be reality." Adachi sounded calm now – resigned, even – and somehow that was more unsettling than any amount of hysterical laughter. "I'm staying in this world, so if you want me, come and get me."
"Keep your bullshit to yourself, asshole!" Kanji had launched himself forward on adrenaline alone, right fist raised, wanting nothing more than to pound Adachi's head into the nearest wall – but the punch sailed clear through, the momentum almost knocking him off his feet. He barely managed to steady himself against the glass, and his chest seared with pain.
Adachi had vanished, but his voice echoed through the room. "What an _idiot_. Didn't your little bitch friend just tell you I was somewhere else? Find me, and we'll put an end to all this." No sooner had he finished than the back wall of the room cracked open. Wood and plaster splintered and crumbled as a wide gap opened up, filled with jagged stripes of red and black.
"He's taunting us." Rise had turned pale. "I can hear him. He's daring us to follow him."
Kanji somehow managed to push himself upright, away from the doors, and he staggered back across the room. "Then let's give him what he wants and kick his ass!"
He'd known it was stupid as he'd said it – he'd been dead weight in the last fight and would be again – but he couldn't _stand_ it, the thought that this asshole was hiding in there, laughing his head off at them, while nobody in the outside world really understood exactly what he'd done. It wasn't _right_, none of it was, and why the hell hadn't Kanji managed to take down the bastard when they'd first landed in here?
A hand landed on his arm. "Wait," Naoto told him. She must've split off from Rise, but her breath still came heavy and ragged. "I suggest - we prepare ourselves first. W-We need to face him at full strength."
Looking down at her, Kanji couldn't find it in him to disagree. Souji sealed the deal. "Naoto's right," he said. "Ted, heal them both up."
Kintoki-Douji rolled into the air and a cool wave washed over Kanji. The pain in his ribs eased, but didn't go away. Same as in Heaven, the healing wasn't working how it should, and now it seemed like the rest of their magic was affected too. Beside him, Naoto lifted his coat from her arm to inspect the graze near her shoulder. Through her ripped shirt, he could see that the skin had knitted together a little, as if the wound were a week old, but the gouge left by the bullet remained.
Teddie frowned up at his flickering Persona. "…He's weak right now. Just like Sensei's and Nao-chan's."
Souji rubbed a hand over Ted's head. "Don't worry. Just get us out of here and we'll figure out what to do."
Ted obliged. He frowned at a spot on the floor, biting his lip – and a stack of TVs popped into existence, tall enough to reach the apartment's ceiling.
"I still don't get how you do that," Rise complained.
"Bears have their secrets, Rise-chan. Pile in, all of you!"
They leapt in one by one - or in Kanji's case, fell in. Climbing in had been slow and painful until Teddie helpfully shoved him headfirst through the screen. The vortex whirled around him, static in his ears, and he spilled back out into the hospital, hitting the floor with a thud. Naoto and Rise were sprawled nearby and above him, Dojima and Uehara were staring down at all three of them: mouths agape, eyes wide.
"Dojima-san—" Naoto began, as Souji burst through the screen and landed gracefully beside Kanji. Unfortunately, Teddie didn't. He somehow tumbled out upside down instead, knocking Senpai over, rolling the two of them across the floor, and coming to a halt at Dojima's and Uehara's feet.
Flat on his back and half-buried under Teddie, Souji stared up at them. "Uncle. Uehara-san."
There was a very awkward pause before Dojima answered. "You," he said, carefully, "have a hell of a lot of explaining to do."
* * *
"I can't believe we _missed_ everything!" Chie moaned, and glared at Yosuke. "Last time I wait for _you_."
Yosuke raised his palms. "Hey, _you_ try biking here in the snow!"
"Whatever," she said, now lasering in on Teddie instead. "And Ted, I should be yelling at you for making us worry!" Her glare softened. "But I'm just glad you're back."
Ted was still in his suit, though he'd at least popped the head off to rest his elbows on the edge. "Teddie _had_ to return! Yuki-chan promised to score with me and she still hasn't done it."
"You'll be waiting a while," Yukiko muttered – at which Teddie let out a pained sigh and pulled the head back on his suit. "So is Adachi like Namatame? His own Shadow?"
Kanji would've gladly let Souji explain everything that'd happened inside the TV. Unfortunately, Senpai had been trying to talk his way out of trouble with his uncle for the last fifteen minutes and didn't show any signs of escaping. "Thass right, 'cept the bastard has a Persona."
Yosuke's eyes widened. "Whoa, whoa, back up. He's got one too?"
"'Fraid so."
"Holy crap." Yosuke let out a surprised whistle, eyebrows raised, then turned to Naoto. "I take it all back, Naoto-kun."
Naoto was perched next to Rise on one of the empty hospital beds. Her forehead creased in a frown. "Take what back?"
"I thought that asshole only smacked you down because you're…you know." Yosuke held his hand out horizontally, about a meter off the ground. "But now I'm impressed you got in two good hits!"
"I have helped apprehend suspects before, Yosuke-senpai," she shot back, a little huffily, "and they rarely come willingly."
He grinned back at her and winked. "Nah, seriously, I'm totally impressed. Plus a little envious you got to take him on."
"You'll get your chance, Hanamura," Chie said. She glanced at her watch, then at Souji and Dojima – and winced. "But it's getting late…and I think Souji might be tied up for a while. A really _long_ while. Maybe we should meet up and talk over all this tomorrow."
She said it lightly, but something heavy hung in the air: the thing nobody _really_ wanted to talk about tomorrow at all, because, in the end, this was gonna be it. They had to take down Adachi. And it wouldn't be easy.
"Yeah. Good plan. Looks like all the exciting stuff's over anyway." Yosuke rapped his knuckles on the top of Teddie's suit. "C'mon, Ted, get out of there. Come with me to the lobby and we'll wait for Souji."
"We'll head out now," Yukiko said, as she and Chie linked arms. "Kanji-kun, are you walking back with Rise-chan?"
"Yeah," he answered – then, in a monumental feat of courage, added, "And Naoto."
Naoto's response was instant and predictable. "I do not need to be walked home."
"Tough shit," muttered Kanji.
"You've had a tough night, Naoto-kun," Rise said, a little more helpfully.
"And I _certainly_ do not require babysitting."
Though she'd made a good stab at keeping it, Rise's patience had already run out. She threw up her hands with a small noise of exasperation. "Look, Kanji-kun doesn't want you to go alone and I don't wanna go without Kanji-kun, so we all have to hit your place first, okay?"
Kanji winced.
Fine, so it was all true, but Rise made it sound so _lame_. Naoto didn't need to hear it, he didn't _want_ her to hear it, and yet he heard himself saying, "Y-Yeah. Rise's right."
Naoto stared at him for what felt like long, silent hours.
"That makes no sense whatsoever," she said at last, already turning away and not sounding the slightest bit convincing. "Very well. We'll depart now."
* * *
Uehara being too busy helping Dojima bitch Souji out, they had to make their way to Naoto's place on foot. The snow had been light when they'd left the hospital, but by the time they turned into the same road as Naoto's apartment block, it was tumbling through the fog in fat flakes, forming drifts against the sides of buildings. Kanji liked snow usually, especially when it got him out of school, but this felt _dirty_. It looked white as usual when fresh, but who was to say what the fog did to it on the way down?
At the base of the steps outside the apartment block, Naoto turned to face them. She looked at Rise and Kanji in turn - skimming very quickly over the latter - then sighed. "I can't, in good conscience, send you away in this weather. You…should stay the night."
Rise clasped her gloved hands together. "Ooh, a sleepover!"
It'd been the first time she'd smiled since they'd left the hospital, and maybe that was why Naoto more or less let the comment slide. "This is purely for practical purposes, Rise-chan," she said quietly, as she led them up the steps and into the building. They rode the elevator in silence – Rise seeming to relax as soon as they were indoors, out of the fog – and walked down the corridor to Naoto's apartment.
Inside, it looked much the same as Kanji remembered it: unused, maybe a little sterile. He glanced at the closet on the other side of the living room. The papers were still wedged under the door.
_You're not perfect,_ he thought, watching Naoto shrugging off his snow-dusted coat. It was far more reassuring than he'd expected.
She caught his eye, looked away, then looked back. "Thank you for the loan of your coat. I hope you weren't too cold."
"S'fine," Kanji said, and didn't mention that he'd been near-freezing since two steps out the hospital lobby.
Though she'd just hung her own coat on a hook by the front door, Rise was still wearing at least three layers. "So where do we sleep?"
"Kanji-kun will stay out here on the sofa," Naoto said, "and you and I will be in the bedroom."
Rise's lips curved into a smirk. "A bedroom that only has one bed. I like the sound of this. Snuggling up with the Detective Prince!"
The blush on Naoto's cheeks would've put tomatoes to shame. "Y-You will take the bed," she stammered. "I will take the floor."
The smirk turned into a pout. "Spoilsport. Can I have a hot bath first?"
"This apartment has a shower. Would that suffice?" Rise nodded back - and Naoto frowned at her forearm. "Teddie mentioned that you were injured earlier. Will you be alright with-"
"I'll keep the dressing dry." Lightning quick, Rise wrapped her good arm round Naoto's waist and winked at her. "Unless you're offering to go in there with me and help?"
"N-No. I, um, need to – ah—"
With a quiet giggle, Rise turned the motion into a light hug. "Kidding, Naoto-kun. Be right back." She walked to the bathroom, and closed the door behind her, leaving Kanji and Naoto in a slightly awkward silence. The faint sound of running water soon came from inside.
Eventually, Naoto looked back at where he still stood by the front door. "You can sit down," she said, and nodded toward the sofa.
Kanji settled carefully down in the center, trying not to aggravate his sore ribs. They hadn't hurt too bad on the way here, but the cold had left him too numb to feel much of anything. Rise wasn't the only one who'd appreciate a hot bath.
He glanced at the bathroom door. "Looks like she's doin' better now she's indoors."
"I suspect Rise is a far better actress than her television dramas would suggest," Naoto said – then, seeing Kanji's wide-eyed reaction, quickly added, "Research. I – needed to learn as much as possible about your group."
"Did y'listen to her music?"
Naoto folded her arms and sat down beside him. "…I tried." This time, she looked toward the bathroom. "She had a difficult night."
"So did you."
At that, Naoto gave him a _look_: one that Kanji couldn't interpret exactly, because it seemed to contain too many things at once. He stared at the floor instead - which, while infinitely less interesting than Naoto, at least didn't make his stomach twist itself into a pretzel.
Silence settled again. Somehow, this one was less awkward, but he was still acutely aware of the presence next to him – that Naoto had _chosen_ to sit there – and he looked up to catch her watching him. "Wh-What?"
She quickly looked away, suddenly captivated by the opposite wall. "This sofa will not be comfortable for you."
He shrugged, and the throbbing in his chest made him instantly regret it. "Floor don't sound much better. Got anything you can sleep on down there?"
"Blankets. I have no other spare bedding. I - assumed I would never need it."
Figured. Naoto didn't seem the sleepover type. If, as Kanji suspected, she was as bad at making friends as he was, she'd probably never needed to be. He watched her at the corner of his vision – her shoulders angled with exhaustion, her hands gripping her knees. She'd left her hat to dry in the kitchen, and her hair was a little damp too, strands of it clinging to her neck and ears.
…She had really _cute_ ears. The thought had come absently, and when Kanji registered it, furious heat rushed to his face and he stared at the wall hard enough to burn holes in it. He did his best to distract himself, thinking about Shadow fights, sewing patterns, anything but Naoto. But the one thought his mind kept pinging back to was the question he'd been asking ever since he jumped in the television – or rather, since he realized she'd jumped in after him.
"What you did t'night," he said, not looking at her. "I-I don't get why you did it."
"What?"
"Followin' me." He shook his head. "It was dumb as hell, and that ain't you."
He looked toward Naoto at the end of the sentence. She was still staring away from him, cheeks flushed with – anger, maybe? She definitely _looked_ pissed off. "I have already explained myself, and I see my actions are rewarded with ingratitude."
"That ain't the point!" She took _everything_ the wrong way, never saw what he was getting at or why. He could kind of understand it, knowing how she'd spent so much time alone, that she'd always tried to handle everything herself; that he'd spent years doing the same damn thing. Didn't mean it didn't piss him off. "You coulda been hurt bad," he muttered.
In profile, her mouth tightened. "I regret that you consider me to be so incompetent that I cannot-"
"Never said that." She'd saved his life, _of course_ she wasn't fricking incompetent.
She rounded on him, eyes blazing. "Then why were you so determined to harm Adachi?"
"'Cause of what he did to Nanako-chan! And 'cause I don't let _anybody_ beat up on my friends. I'd wanna do the same if he'd laid into Souji-senpai, or Ted, or anyone I care 'bout."
It was a half-truth at best. Sure, Kanji would be royally pissed at anyone who went after Souji-senpai or the others, but Naoto was different. It wasn't about coddling her, playing the white knight. It was about someone he liked not getting hurt. Someone he _more_ than liked, who he wanted to keep safe and nearby, even though she bitched him out for doing it and even if she never really understood why he did.
Like now, for example. "I am well aware that my size and physical sex both incite certain primitive-" It'd come out in a rush, but Naoto stopped short, jaw clenched, and shook her head. "I do not need _protecting_, Kanji-kun."
"I _know_, alright, but that don't stop-" Kanji barely caught himself before _'me from wanting to do it'. _"—P-People from worrying."
Naoto gripped her knees more tightly, but held his gaze. "People should save their energy." She raised an eyebrow. "And not jump into televisions when attempting to apprehend criminals."
Nervous as he was, he couldn't help a grin. "I'm new to this, cut me some slack."
Her lips quirked in a half-smile, almost too quick to catch before she looked away. Once again, the conversation petered out.
In the bathroom, the water was still running. It was dark outside and the blinds had already been drawn when they'd walked in, but Kanji swore he could still feel the dank fog pressing against the windows, so thick he half-expected it to block the falling snow. He imagined deep drifts resting on top, high enough where the fog actually stopped – because it had to somewhere, right? Like if they all just left Inaba, it'd be gone and they wouldn't have to deal with this anymore. They wouldn't have to jump back in tomorrow or the day after and face a guy who killed two people, who'd tricked all of them, who seemed to control the Shadows.
But if they didn't do it, who would? Adachi had said the two worlds would merge by the end of the year. The fog would get thicker and thicker until Shadows finally spilled through the televisions, into houses and shops, tearing the town apart – and they were the only people who could stop it. Kanji just wasn't sure they'd succeed. He _hated_ Adachi, so bitter and visceral that it seemed to swallow his whole body, but he wasn't stupid. This'd be the hardest fight they'd ever faced. Who was to say they'd all make it out?
"Naoto -" he started, forcing himself not to look away when she turned her head. He hesitated, trying to put his thoughts together. "When I heard the gunshot on the phone, when Senpai and me found out you'd left with that bastard, when that mech tossed you flying, all those times - I - " _Felt shit-scared for you, wanted to help you, wished I could've kept it from happening at all._ "I-I just wanted you to be alright."
Naoto's face didn't betray any emotion. Her eyes – wide, gunmetal blue-grey - did. "…And I was."
"Stay that way," he said, trying to sound gentle but firm; just like Souji would. He wasn't sure if he'd succeeded, but at least Naoto didn't seem offended. She stared down at her hands, still clasped over her knees.
"I am concerned for Rise-chan. And Souji-senpai." Her grip tightened. "And you. So, I can - understand why you would-"
"Good. 'Cause I do."
Naoto shifted beside him. "We will capture Adachi," she said, softly, "and I will endeavor to stay safe."
Adachi really had it in for her. At first, Kanji had thought the fight at the station had been solely because she'd figured the bastard out, but what he'd heard inside the television had left him doubtful. "I get why he wants to hurt Senpai, but what did you do to piss him off so bad?"
She let out a heavy breath, eyes closed. "He knows that I am female and competent - and that I considered him a contemptible idiot. It was not an opinion I bothered to hide." She opened her eyes, and shook her head. "It appears I was wrong."
It shouldn't matter who or what somebody was, Kanji thought - but to assholes like Adachi, it always would. "Well, _he_ was wrong too. You ain't a freak."
Naoto blinked at him. There was a split-second where she actually frowned, like he'd said something wrong, though it quickly faded. "Thank you," she told him. It was quiet, a little unsteady, and he'd expected them to lapse back into silence afterward, but she kept going. "When I jumped in after you - it was a snap decision. Irrational."
The words should've sounded dismissive – _I wasn't thinking straight when I saved your life_ – but if anything, Naoto seemed uncomfortable. Uncertain, and Kanji couldn't fathom why. Maybe she was just embarrassed over doing something so dumb.
But she'd still done it. And if she hadn't...
"Thanks," he told her. "For being there."
Naoto didn't answer, but when Kanji raised his hand, willing it not to shake, and laid it carefully over her shoulder, she also didn't move away.
The snow was whirling in thick flurries outside, the fog loomed against the windows, and the thought of what the team needed to do to fix all this scared him more than he'd ever admit. The image of what would happen to Inaba if they failed was even worse. Sitting next to Naoto, as close as he'd probably ever get to holding her, Kanji tried to tell himself they could _do_ it, and for a moment, it seemed like everything might eventually be okay...but right now, not much was.
37. Interlude 10
_I still haven't caught up on responding to reviews, queries etc., but I thought you might all appreciate a new (belated) installment more than my messages. Hope so, anyway. Apologies to those whose messages I missed, will try my very best to respond promptly from here on._
_To answer a couple of questions…it's doubtful I'll include much from The Golden or P4A in this story. Next story will feature references and characters from both. As for writing specifically about P4A, it's possible! I have some ideas for one-shots, but Shortest Distance takes precedence. Not many chapters left._
_Story so far: With a little help, Souji, Kanji and Naoto made it out of the television, though not before an unpleasant encounter with Adachi._
_In this interlude: Dreams in the fog, plans for battle, and an overdue dose of honesty from Naoto._
* * *
**December 6th, 2011**
After too many recent nights slumped at a desk in the police station, insomnia was both unfamiliar and, given the circumstances, understandable. Naoto had been wide-awake for what felt like hours, wrapped in heavy blankets on the bedroom floor and staring at the ceiling. Dim light from the street lamps seeped through the narrow gaps in the window-blinds, hazy through the filter of fog that pressed up against her apartment building. She closed her eyes, her breath as loud in her ears as Rise's silence on the bed, and began counting. _One. Two. Four. Eight. Sixteen. _
A minute or so later, somewhere just shy of four-point-two million, Naoto paused. The silence felt _wrong_. It hung too heavy, as if the air itself had thickened and swallowed all sound. Her eyes cracked open onto the same faint light as before – but now it was swirled steel grey, pressing down from above, clogging her lungs with each breath.
The window. She must have opened it earlier. She climbed to her feet, tripping slightly on the tangled blankets, stumbled through the fog to where the window should have been - and realized it _wasn't_. The room itself was different, its faint outline unfamiliar in the murky grey, and the bed beside her was empty. Where _was_ she? What had happened to Rise? Was Kanji still sleeping outside?
_Focus_. A door was set in the center of the far wall, and she grabbed the handle to pull it open - then paused.
There were voices on the other side. Two of them, strange and familiar and terrible all at once. Over ten years had passed since she'd last heard them in person and she'd sometimes suspected she'd forgotten them completely, filled the gaps with invented amalgamations – but somehow she knew these were her parents' voices. They sounded softer than those in the dream she'd had at Kanji's house, what felt like months ago, and - -
...No. Her parents were dead. Naoto jerked back from the door as if the handle had burned her skin. Her phone buzzed on a nearby dresser, and she grabbed it without thinking, flipped it open to reveal a message on the screen.
_**Humans yearn for fog; oblivion's comforting embrace.**_
No name or number was attached. If not for the content, she might have written it off as a glitch.
And there was laughter on top of the voices now, high-pitched and near-hysterical. Tohru Adachi's, she realized, but somehow her father's quiet whisper cut through. _Come outside, Naoto._
Her phone slipped from her hand, shattered against the floor - plastic and glass shards in the snow, the streetlights outside the police station too faint to—
Naoto blinked.
_Come outside._
Her fingers wrapped around the door handle.
Her parents were waiting. They'd always been waiting.
The fog enveloped her, stagnant and almost soothing – shrouding her doubts, filling in all the empty spaces - and all she had to do was-
* * *
Naoto's eyes flew open to darkness.
The familiar lines and angles of her bedroom gradually because visible, but the dim light was just that. There was no fog, now – and neither silence nor laughter, because someone was -
Someone was crying.
Later, she would chastise herself for, just for an instant, fearing that it might be her. Sukuna-Hikona was buzzing distantly, anxiously in the back of her head, but unlike the last time her eyes remained dry. She was strong, she was in control, and that knowledge should have set her mind at ease - but somehow, Rise's quiet sobbing made everything much worse.
Naoto swallowed. Her Persona was growing increasingly agitated by the sound, her chest and throat tightening in turn. "...Rise-chan?"
"...Wow, N-Naoto-kun." Rise's half-hearted laugh didn't hide the tremble in her voice. "Don't you ever sleep?"
"I slept soundly during our visit to the Amagi Inn. You made fun of me the following morning."
Rise's response was a noise of annoyance, somewhere between a groan and a sigh. "I said you looked cute when you were asleep! That's not making fun." There was a slight sniffling in the dark, and the bed sheets rustled. "Hey, you should get up here."
Naoto blinked. "Wh-Why?"
"Because I'm pretty sure you're _not_ supposed to lay on the floor with bruised ribs or whatever you've got from the TV."
They had conducted this same conversation several hours ago. Naoto shifted against the floor and tried to burrow deeper into her blankets. "I am perfectly comfortable."
"Liar," said Rise, light and astute. "There's tons of space up here, y'know."
"Space for one individual. And you are a guest, therefore-"
"Fine," she cut in, ending on an emphatic sigh. "You take the bed, and I'll go hop on the sofa with Kanji-kun instead."
"Absolutely _not_." The words were out of Naoto's mouth before she'd registered them, and before she could formulate an acceptable explanation. "I-I-I cannot permit such blatant impropriety," she managed, and hoped Rise would drop the topic.
She didn't. "_Blatant impropriety_. Naoto-kun, you seriously need to spit that dictionary out." More shuffling around on the bed, as though Rise were moving away from the edge. "You also need to get up here before I go tell Kanji-kun to budge up and make room."
Arguing with Rise was akin to standing on a beach and shouting at the tide to go away. Naoto grimaced, let out an annoyed half-grunt, and sat up.
Sukuna-Hikona, she noted, had fallen silent again. In retrospect it had been reassuring to hear him again, to know their connection remained, no matter how tenuous. What was more disturbing was that both presumably both she and Rise had been afflicted by nightmares. Had the same happened to Kanji? He would benefit from company if so, but knowing Kanji, he wouldn't dare to knock on the bedroom door. "Should we check on him?"
"Nah, after everything that happened tonight he's probably out cold. So, why'd you do it?"
The question had been tagged on almost casually: Rise's usual tactic. Halfway through climbing onto the bed and somewhat distracted, Naoto actually allowed herself to consider it - then cut the thought off a split-second later. "Do what."
Another, quieter sigh. "C'mon, don't play innocent. Kanji-kun was a dumb as a bag of bricks for jumping in after Adachi – so why did _you_ follow him?"
Naoto wished she had an answer. Or, at least, an answer she could understand. "It was necessary," she said, trying to force her voice low and steady. "He would have been in dire straits alone."
"So you were worried."
"Of – of course. Kanji-kun is a valued teammate, why wouldn't I—" She took a deep breath. "Rise-chan, please refrain from reading bizarre meanings into my actions."
"_Liiittle_ defensive, there. So what if you care what happens to Kanji-kun? It's not like that's a bad thing."
'Bad' was too weightless a description. Bewildering, alarming, stomach-turning...Naoto could supply endless adjectives and never fully explain the jumble of emotions she'd been struggling to ignore. Following Kanji inside the television had made it all _real_ – and worse, had made some statement that she had no means to decipher. She cared for all her new friends, inexperienced as she was in having them, yet her mind continually revolved back to the same question: if it hadn't been Kanji who had jumped in, would she have still immediately followed?
She turned onto her side, facing away from Rise. "I – don't want to talk about this."
"Okay. Sorry."
Rise had dropped the question so quickly, Naoto almost found herself apologizing. Instead, she curled up tighter, fists pressed against her knees, and tried not to think. Silence settled over them, for long enough that she wondered if her bedmate had fallen asleep. Rise's breathing hadn't slowed enough, though, and it was little surprise when she finally spoke. "This kind of bed reminds me of going on tour," she said. "Staying in fancy city hotels, ordering room service..." Her tone had started out almost wistful, but dissolved into a giggle. "I used to order the weirdest stuff I could think of. Salmon stuffed with strawberry Pocky, that kind of thing."
"Why?"
"Dunno. I was bored, I guess. It wasn't like anyone ever stopped me."
Naoto, accustomed to near-identical business hotels, was not a fan of such extravagance. "That sounds rather irresponsible."
"Probably." A finger jabbed Naoto between her shoulder blades. "Don't worry, I'll take you with me next time, the record company'll pay you to ruin all my fun."
"I _have_ a job already," Naoto pointed out.
"Yeah - Naoto Shirogane, professional killjoy!" Rise trilled, but quickly followed it with, "Kidding. You know that, right?"
Naoto closed her eyes. "Try to sleep, Rise-chan. Tomorrow may be-"
"I know." The bed shifted as Rise nestled closer, and her hand squeezed Naoto's shoulder. "It'll be fine, Naoto-kun. We'll all be fine."
* * *
Naoto quietly cracked open the bedroom door, expecting to see Kanji still asleep on the sofa, and instead found the room empty. The sound of running water came from behind the closed bathroom door.
Perhaps his night had been as restless as her own. She'd slept little after her conversation with Rise, and had been awake to watch the fog gradually lighten in colour; the closest Inaba got to a rosy dawn, these days. Eventually, at around seven-thirty, she'd been able to disengage from Rise's halfway hug without waking her. Naoto had quickly dressed herself, then spent a considerable time searching for her phone until she'd remembered its fate the previous evening.
She perched on the sofa, noting the neatly folded stack of blankets beside her, and waited. The water soon stopped running, and when the bathroom door opened moments later, Kanji walked out into the living room with his hair clearly freshly gelled. Naoto found herself wondering what he looked like without it.
He glanced up at her, but seemed preoccupied with his sweater sleeve. There was a long tear in the fabric - by now par for the course inside the TV world. "Uh, hey, Naoto. Rise still sleepin'?"
Naoto nodded. "Her rest was disturbed earlier in the night."
"She ain't the only one. I dreamt a whole bunch of crap." He looked at Naoto again, frowning in what she took for curiosity. "You?"
Naoto opened her mouth to answer (_no, of course not_), then closed it. She was about to try again when a jingle blared from somewhere near the apartment entrance. It seemed to be coming from Rise's coat, left hanging from a hook by the front door.
Rise burst out of the bedroom, already fully-dressed. "Oh, that's mine - could you check it, Naoto-kun? I have to fix my hair. Passcodes 6221! And Kanji-kun, get started with breakfast!"
"Who said that was _my_ job? And what's the point inna passcode if-" As Rise disappeared into the bathroom, Kanji trailed off into an unhappy grunt.
Naoto shrugged. "Rise considers me trustworthy."
"Well…yeah." He gave a slight, wry sort of smile. "But y'know, she's just given a pro detective full access t'her phone records."
"Let's hope I never have cause for blackmail," Naoto said, with a small half-smile in return, then fished the cellphone out from Rise's coat and flipped it open to the passcode prompt. After tapping out the final digit, a message appeared on the screen. A phrase flashed through her mind – something about yearning for fog? – but sputtered out a split-second later. Predictably, the text message was from Souji: a request that the team assemble to plan their next move.
…And doubtless discuss the previous night. Questions would be asked that she was not ready to answer, because the answers she'd found not only made no sense but raised even more questions in turn. And then there was Adachi's role in events, which she should have deduced sooner. A 'pro detective', as Kanji had put it, would have seen through Adachi's act months ago; Naoto had realized the truth merely minutes before his open betrayal.
"Souji-senpai sent a text," she told Kanji, without looking up. "We are to meet at his uncle's house at nine."
Across the room, the window blinds rustled. "Eh, it'll beat sittin' in the food court in this weather."
She closed the phone and slipped it back in Rise's coat pocket. When she chanced a look at Kanji, he was staring into space, hands in his pockets. He seemed to be standing oddly, as if favouring one side, and she remembered his injuries from the previous night. "Are you ready to enter the TV?"
He frowned at her. "Huh?"
"Your injuries. They were not completely healed, and we may pursue Adachi today." The decision would be Souji's, and Naoto wasn't certain he would choose wisely.
The frown edged closer to a scowl. "We better. M'ready to smack that bastard one end of the TV world to the other."
"Pretty long way, Kanji-kun." Rise walked out of the bathroom, still fastening one of her twin-tails. "So, what's for breakfast?"
Kanji shook his head. "We gotta head to Senpai's. But he's probably stocked up, if Hanamura's had any say. Guess I can make us all somethin' there."
"Good idea. Otherwise _he_ might try to do it," she said, wincing, then nodded toward the door. "C'mon, let's head out."
After bundling up into their respective coats – Naoto fortunately having a spare to replace the one she'd been forced to leave at the police station – the three made their way out of the apartment building. Outside, faint sunlight strained through the fog, and though it was cold enough that the snow on the ground hadn't melted, it had least stopped falling for now. Yet the roads were still empty; as they walked to the bus stop, Naoto saw no vehicles or other pedestrians pass by. Even the snow looked surprisingly free of footprints, given how many apartments and other residences lined this street.
"Yikes, it's cold." Rise hunched down into her coat. "Hope we don't have to wait long."
Kanji leaned against the bus stop sign, one foot kicking idly at the snow. "Fog's making all the buses run late. Prob'ly makes more sense to –"
"Oh, _crap_!" Naoto glanced over at the outburst, and saw Rise had turned pale. 'I forgot to call Grandma last night!" She snatched her phone from her pocket, flipping it open in the same motion, and began dialing. "Sorry, guys, damage control."
"Did you contact your mother?" Naoto asked Kanji.
"Nah, forgot...but she's used to me disappearing. I'll call her when we get t'Senpai's."
Naoto nodded absently, distracted both by Rise's efforts to placate her grandmother (which didn't appear to have started well) and by the fog wreathed around them. It stirred the sounds and images from her nightmare: the strange room, the way the fog had seeped inside to fill it, and most of all the voices of her parents.
She looked at Kanji. "Last night. What did you dream?"
"Like I said. Bunch of crap." He didn't look up. "My – my dad was there."
"...I'm sorry."
Kanji's shrug was too quick to be casual. "Eh. Dreamt about him before. The fog, too. Just – not like that." He glanced over his shoulder at Rise, who'd walked a few steps away. "Rise mention anything?"
"She didn't need to," Naoto said quietly.
"Damn. You think it's 'cause of what Adachi said? This world mixing with that one?"
Naoto was not one to put stock in dreams. But while she was ill-inclined to trust Adachi's claims, this fog suggested he might actually have been telling the truth about the two worlds merging. If so, and the TV world fed off the minds of those thrown inside, did the same now apply here? "I don't know," she admitted. "But I'm beginning to believe there's more to the fog's ill effects than simple hysteria. That's certainly part of it, but…"' She shook her head. Any explanation she offered right now would be conjecture.
Kanji sighed, his breath forming a cloud in the freezing air. "I thought everyone was just gettin' worked up over nothing."
Arms folded, Naoto tilted back her head to stare at the sky. Even this long after dawn, the sun was no more than a blurry-edged disc, low and dull behind layers of wool-thick fog.
So. Assume Adachi to be correct. The question then became how far the situation would progress. A dreadful image struck her: Shadows pouring through television screens, attacking Inaba's inhabitants in their homes and stores and workplaces. The only consolation was that the fog remained confined to this town, so escape might still be possible – but with neither warning nor means of defence, how many humans would survive the initial attack?
"Uh, Naoto?"
Naoto lowered her gaze. Kanji was chewing his bottom lip and not quite looking at her. "I – uh, said this earlier, but – thanks. For followin' me. Woulda been sunk without ya."
Her shoulders tensed. "Yes, I know."
There was no _reason_ for him to thank her again. Like Rise, he was putting too much emphasis on a single, instinctive act. And he was still not-quite-looking - _waiting_, even, as if his half-formed set of sentences had posed some question and warranted an honest answer.
The problem was, Naoto now suspected that it had. And it did.
She looked away. The words came without thinking. "I'd do it again."
Kanji didn't respond.
She was on the verge of glancing back at him, almost against her will, when he finally spoke. "Naoto, y-you don't hafta –"
"Aw, c'mon, _please_ don't ground me! I-I've gotta go study with my senpai today!" Rise scurried over and thrust her cell toward Kanji. "Kanji-kun, my grandma likes you, can you vouch for me?"
Whatever he had been about to say was lost. Naoto had expected to feel gratitude.
"Dammit, Rise!" he snarled, but took the phone nonetheless. "Uh, hey, Kujikawa-san. N-No, I wasn't snappin' at you, promise!"
The idea of Kanji Tatsumi – whose photograph Naoto had seen prominently pinned to a noticeboard at the police station days before she'd first confronted him – providing adequate reassurance to Rise's grandmother seemed highly unlikely. _Many_ things about Kanji seemed unlikely. His deep interest in sewing and knitting animal toys; the assistance he offered his mother in the textiles shop; his refusal to enter the school's sewing room in case he scared away the other students. Yet the same boy had engaged in a street brawl with Sonoda and, only a short while later, been so blinded by rage that he'd jumped into the TV world alone. Naoto found herself wishing he could just be _definite_ – knowing he would have every right to think the same of her.
"Yeah, I know, Rise shoulda called. But she's usually real good 'bout that stuff, right? An' she was at Naoto's, so –" He paused, wincing. "No, 'course I wasn't there! She, uh, just told me."
Kanji, Naoto reflected, was a horrible liar. Part of her suspected that, in retrospect, she might be too. She turned away, tuned out the phone conversation – in which Rise had now loudly re-involved herself - and waited for the bus to arrive.
* * *
"So we're going in today, right?" Yosuke asked, though it didn't sound like a question. He'd been restless since he'd arrived at Dojima's house, and had only picked at the rice, natto and eggs Kanji had made for the group.
Chie gave a firm nod. Nerves or not, she'd cleared her plate within minutes. "Yeah, no fair that you guys got a sneak preview last night. Seriously, Kanji-kun, wait for the rest of us next time!"
"Better tell that to Naoto-kun, too," Yosuke said, smirking. "Seeing as _logic_ doesn't count for much where Tatsumi's concerned."
Heat rushed to Naoto's cheeks, and she ducked her head. She'd spent most of the time since her arrival helping Souji recap in detail the previous night's events. Aside from the inevitable teasing from Yosuke, there had thankfully been little comment on her decision to follow Kanji. She hoped the other members of the team had simply thought it the natural course of action, though the way Chie, Yukiko and Rise had all glanced at each other had suggested otherwise.
"Can it, Hanamura," Kanji snapped. He'd stayed standing in the kitchen even while eating. "Are we going to Junes or what?"
Souji nodded, finishing up his last mouthful of rice. "Yep. To train."
Kanji, Chie, and Yosuke all stared at him, aghast. "_What_?"
"We're going to train. We aren't ready to fight him yet. Last night proved that," Souji added, with a pointed look at Kanji.
Naoto opted for silence. Sensible as she knew Senpai to be, part of her had expected an immediate plunge back into Adachi's twisted version of Inaba.
"We can't afford to wait!" Yosuke snapped. "C'mon, Souji, you've _seen_ how the town's getting, we don't know how long we have!"
"We still need to prepare."
"But—"
Souji held up a hand. "Yosuke, this isn't up for debate."
Yosuke looked dumbfounded at that – and though he maintained eye contact with Souji, he made no effort to hide the hurt in his expression. Next to him, Chie glanced between them both and shifted awkwardly against the floor. "Well, okay…so when do we start?"
"Ted's supposed to be working at Junes till two," Yosuke said, still with that strange, injured look at Souji. "We're majorly short-staffed and he has to make up for the shifts he missed while he was gone. But I think I can help him finish up early, maybe around noon."
"Fine. Chie, Yukiko, I want you to head to Daidara's," Souji said. "He probably won't have anything new for us but it won't hurt to check. Kanji and Rise, you've got Shiroku. Usual supplies will do. Naoto, I need your help strategizing. We've got to compensate somehow for our Personas' reduced strength, change up our defences."
"But we can all help with that," Rise blurted. Beside her, Chie and Yukiko both nodded in agreement. "The more brains the better, right?"
Naoto glanced at Kanji, but he was staring firmly at the kitchen counter, palms pressed flat against the surface.
Souji shook his head. "You'll be more useful if you stick to the tasks you've been set. If you get done early, take time to prepare yourself. It'll be a long day." He stood up from the table. "Everyone finish up and head out."
The rest of the team did as he asked, though with a few sidelong looks. Chie opened the front door, letting the fog spill into the house, and strode outside, closely followed by the rest of the group. Rise was the last to leave, shooting a final unreadable glance at Souji on the way.
If Souji noticed it, he said nothing. Instead he closed the door behind them, and leant the side of his head against the frame.
Naoto understood that certain tasks were better accomplished by small groups. Any strategizing by a team of seven would risk being slow-paced and inconclusive. However – and though six months ago, the idea would have struck her as absurd - she now also understood that solidarity sometimes surpassed practicality. "Senpai, that was—"
"Harsh?" He let out a breath. "Probably. I think I'm losing my touch," he added lightly, though without a trace of humour. "But if they stay, I know we'll start arguing over pursuing Adachi – and it was hard enough to say no the first time."
Naoto studied him carefully. Souji was sensible – but not infallible. "In Kanji-kun's place," she asked, "what would you have done?"
Souji straightened from the door. "If I'd been the one who'd gone after Adachi instead of checking on Nanako? I might've jumped in too." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't _want_ us to wait. I hate that we're giving that bastard the chance to move first. He's already tried to kill me once, he's hurt too many people I care about, and for all we know he was lying about how long we have. But we aren't _ready_."
"I agree."
Souji dropped his hand and fixed her with a steady look. "Which is why I need you to help me figure things out. Just like with Heaven." His lips curved into a wry, slightly reproving smile. "You're the quickest and most rational thinker I've got, impulsive leaps into TVs notwithstanding."
Naoto dropped her gaze to the table surface. Her face felt flushed, and she tugged at the brim of her cap in an unconscious effort to hide it. She'd spent hours with Souji planning their assault on Namatame in Heaven's castle, but he'd never been quite so forthright about why he'd chosen her assistance over that of the others. In a detached sort of way, she felt gratified that her talents were being recognized, particularly by someone she so admired. Yet the praise was still a little too much to handle, and it still seemed unwise to shut out the rest of the team. "Perhaps," she mumbled. "But the others wanted to help too."
"I know." Souji's voice had turned strained. "But - I'm not even sure the planning will do any good. I don't know how we're going to _do_ this, and I wish everyone would just -" Another pause. He rubbed at his face. "It's complicated," he eventually said. "I need everyone's strength, I've known that since the start…but sometimes I really wish I was doing this alone." He looked up at Naoto. "No offence."
"You made the correct decision, Senpai."
"I hope so," he said, quietly. A few moments later, he walked over to his schoolbag by the door, opened it, and pulled out a pad of paper. "Enough of my complaining. Let's figure out what the hell we're going to do in there."
38. Chapter 28
_Story so far: Prepared to confront Adachi, the team were sent off to train instead; a decision that proved particularly unpopular with Kanji, for multiple reasons._
_In this part: Souji plans, Adachi waits, and Kanji and Naoto take a plunge._
* * *
**December 14th, 2011**
"I'm not cut out for this," Yosuke muttered. Jiraiya was in the air behind him, scarf billowing in an unnatural breeze and hands glowing with the remnants of a Diarama. Chie hadn't really needed it, not for a few knocks and scratches from an underpowered Minotaur, but if she had – if they'd been facing Adachi or any one of the Shadows he could apparently control – they'd be in trouble. Yosuke had been pretty good at this stuff once, but with Yukiko and Ted both tossing out Diaharans he must've fallen out of practice.
"You're doing your best," Chie said, and shrugged. "I guess Souji and Naoto-kun had a point about switching jobs."
Kanji wasn't convinced. It'd been a whole week straight of training, of rushing to Junes immediately after school and stumbling back out minutes from closing time. They'd fought their way up and down Heaven's Castle over and over, sometimes in pairs and threes and sometimes all eight of them together. It'd been Souji and Naoto's idea to practice the last one, too. Hadn't worked out. Senpai and Rise still hadn't been able to keep track and everyone had gotten in each others' way – Yosuke and Chie almost coming to blows one time when Jiraiya caught her with a mistimed Garudyne. There'd been other, sometimes successful new strategies, too: different formations, people changing roles, all this stuff Naoto and Souji spent breaks at school coming up with and then stayed outside Junes to recap each night.
But the team still hadn't gone near Adachi. Their Personas might work fine here in Heaven, but they hadn't figured out why his version of Inaba weakened them or how it managed to block Souji's wild-card ability completely. Meanwhile, the fog had all but swallowed Inaba and the end of the year was rushing ever closer. If the possibly-maybe-end-of-the-world wasn't enough to rile Souji up, Kanji had no idea what would - and the whole situation set his teeth on edge with frustration. Didn't help that Souji and Naoto were practically joined at the hip, and that – if she was going to choose – it made horrible sense that Naoto'd pick-
"Yo, dude, are you listening?" Yosuke waved a hand in front of Kanji's face. "Don't zone out, we've got four more floors to cover."
Kanji looked around at the narrow walkways crisscrossing empty space. Heaven was _organized_, floor after floor. Totally different to Adachi's sprawling, scattered version of Inaba. Where would they even start looking for the bastard?
"We shouldn't be wastin' time here," he muttered. He hadn't meant to say it out loud, but Yosuke's and Chie's expressions didn't suggest they disagreed.
Yosuke rolled his shoulders, gaze fixed on Heaven's upper levels. "Souji worries too much. We - okay, so I don't know if we can take Adachi, to be honest. But we've gotta try, and _fast_."
The reason was obvious. What if Adachi had been lying about when the two worlds would merge? Shit, it could happen tomorrow. It certainly seemed that way, when walking to school each morning was like swimming through the fog. You almost had to push against it, like it'd congealed around you.
"But Souji just doesn't want any of us to get hurt," Yosuke continued. "Like I said. Worries too much."
"I – I dunno. I just get the feeling that he –" Chie trailed off, biting her lip. "We - we used to really feel like a team, remember? But ever since Nanako and Namatame-"
"He still needs us," Yosuke broke in. "We're his friends, right?
Souji had always seemed like he had it together, more than anyone Kanji had ever met. But that'd been before November. Something had changed then, starting with Nanako's kidnapping and made ten times worse by the fight with Namatame, and Senpai hadn't gotten over it. He pushed the team away, pulled them back; was concerned enough to make them train for days, yet shut almost all of them out from the decisions and planning. But he was still the boss. The leader. Hell, the team even _called_ him that. If you didn't have faith in the guy steering you into battle, you didn't stand a chance.
Kanji nodded, a little too forcefully. "Yeah. We are. An' Senpai knows the score. C'mon, let's keep moving."
* * *
**December 16th, 2011**
Kanji fidgeted against the plastic chair outside Nanako's room, stretching his long legs out into the corridor. Trying to make yourself comfortable on hospital furniture was hopeless. Knowing that he really didn't want to be here made it even worse – because what kind of jerk wouldn't want to visit a little kid, check she was doing okay?
Easy answer: a jerk who wanted to be kicking Adachi's ass instead. Kanji had been geared up for another day of training – maybe even a foray into that messed-up Inaba, or so he'd hoped – until Souji had told the team that he wanted to visit Nanako that night instead. Hadn't quite invited them to join him, but when Rise asked he hadn't said no. Most of the team were in Nanako's room right now. There wasn't enough space for everyone at once, though, and so Ted had wandered off, Kanji had opted to wait outside, and Naoto had decided to stand opposite him, hands clasped behind her back.
A month or two ago, the situation would've felt nothing but awkward – and it still _was_, but now oddly comfortable too. As many knots as he tied himself in over Naoto, he _wanted_ to be around her, felt better knowing she was nearby. Maybe that was progress. Shame he couldn't think of much to say – and that she had as much talent for conversation as he did.
He turned his attention to the floor. Zoned out, he didn't hear the footsteps heading down the corridor until Teddie stopped right in front of him, coat pockets bursting with candy and vending-machine junk.
"Kanji-chan, you look miserable!" Ted thrust a can of Mad Bull toward him. "Here."
Caffeine wasn't really what Kanji needed right now, but he took the drink and cracked it open. "Thanks, man. You buy up everything in the machine or what?"
"I thought everyone might be hungry," Ted said, flopping down in the seat next to his and scattering gumballs on the floor. "We've been here a while."
"And you haven't visited Nanako-chan yet," Naoto pointed out. "Don't you want to see her?"
"I do! But..." The same look crossed Ted's face as last night, outside Junes, when he'd launched into his stumbling explanation of where he'd gone when he'd vanished and exactly what he'd figured out. He looked uneasy, vulnerable – and very human.
"This about what you told us yesterday? You bein' a Shadow?" Kanji would've been lying if he'd claimed to have seen Ted's confession coming. But with everything else going on, did it really matter? Whether Teddie was a Shadow or not, he sure as hell didn't act like one.
Ted's gaze fell to his lap. "Nana-chan doesn't know. I don't think she even knows what Shadows are. And Sensei's uncle definitely doesn't."
"Dojima-san believes you to be an exchange student," said Naoto. "I see no issue."
"Yeah, quit makin' a big deal out of nothing. S'like Naoto and Chie-senpai said - you're pretty much human now." Not just because he had a human body, but because he was in the same damn boat as the rest of the gang: trying to figure himself out and trying to do right by everyone else. "You're one of us, yeah?"
"But it's like I lied to everyone, even if I didn't really know." Teddie leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and let out a sigh. "Except I think maybe I _did_. It's bear-y confusing."
"Who cares what you are?" Kanji insisted. "It's what you _do_ that matters."
"Smart talk, Tatsumi."
He'd barely noticed the door to Nanako's room opening behind him as he'd started to speak, so he hadn't expected Dojima's response. "Uh. Yeah. Th-Thanks."
Naoto nodded stiffly. "Dojima-san."
"Shirogane," Dojima said, returning the nod, his expression pitched somewhere between exasperation and resignation. "Listen, I've chewed Souji's ear off over all this already, and I still barely understand what the hell you kids've been doing. And more explanations won't fix that," he quickly added, with a pointed look at Naoto. "But from the little I get, it sounds like there's practically nothing I can do to help. I can't go in there with you and I can't send anyone from the force in either."
"An accurate summation," Naoto said.
Dojima's expression turned grimmer. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."
Truth was, Kanji didn't either. Sure, he wanted to make Adachi pay – but the fact that a bunch of kids had to handle it, that they were the only ones who could, just didn't seem fair.
...Which was a _seriously_ pathetic thing to think. He stood from his chair and turned to face Dojima. "Don't worry, yeah? We got this. We've been doin' it most of the year."
"Souji said basically the same thing. Not sure he believed it," Dojima said. He let out a sigh, one hand rubbing at the stubble on his chin. "I'd say you should've told an adult months ago, but I can't think of a single one who'd have believed you."
Uehara stepped through the open doorway, with Souji two steps behind her. "Dojima-san, I thought you were heading back to your room?" she scolded.
"Yeah, yeah. On my way." Dojima looked first at Souji, then at Kanji, Ted, and Naoto in turn – his stern glare softening just slightly. "You're good kids. Keep yourselves safe."
"Seconded," Uehara said." And if there's anything I can do..."
In some ways, it felt good to have two people outside the team who knew about what they'd been doing. In others, it seemed kind of pointless. Uehara and Dojima couldn't really do anything to help. Souji probably knew that too, but - being Souji - he still gave her a grateful smile. "Thanks, Uehara-san."
* * *
**December 20th, 2011**
_Stay home tonight_, Souji had told them after school. _Get ready for tomorrow_. He hadn't needed to say what for, and Kanji hadn't been able to think of much else since.
He'd tried sewing, cleaning the store, even watching dumb TV game shows, but his heart hadn't been in any of it. He wondered what the others were doing tonight to take their minds off Adachi and the thought of fighting him. Chie had mentioned a kung-fu movie marathon that she'd somehow roped both Yosuke and Ted into. Yukiko and Rise would probably be working at the inn and the shop. Souji – Kanji had no idea what Souji would be doing, how a leader prepared himself, but he strongly suspected it had something to do with Naoto. Not wanting to think about that, he threw himself back into attempting to clean the store, ignoring his mother's protests that _the place looks just fine, Kanji-chan_, and went outside to clear the front steps of snow for the third time that day.
As usual, the streets were clogged thick with fog. His glasses would've cut through it, but by now he rarely wore them outside the TV. Sometimes you just didn't _want_ to see through the fog, not when it all that offered was a clear view of people cowering in the streets. The rest of the team seemed to be leaning the same way, or at least nobody had bothered to put their glasses on when they'd left Junes last night, even though it'd been too murky to see more than a few paces ahead. Rise had left hers off all the way back to the shopping district, but then he supposed she didn't need them. Rise, Kanji thought, was a prime example of why seeing through the fog wasn't much of a blessing at all.
Maybe he'd text her later tonight. Check she was doing okay. He was debating contacting Naoto too, and might've spent a long time doing so if the small figure approaching through the fog hadn't settled the issue.
Naoto walked up to the steps and looked up at him, the difference in height more pronounced than ever. "Kanji-kun."
"Oh. Uh, hey. What're you doing here?" Kanji asked – which probably wasn't the _politest_ way he could've started the conversation.
Naoto didn't seem to care, though. "I was passing nearby and wanted to check you were prepared," she said. "Mentally and physically."
She'd bothered to come check on him? He rubbed the back of his head with his free hand, then propped the broom up against the shop wall. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."
"Good."
The silence after that was tangible, the kind that he felt he had to fill up with _something_ – and maybe it was that need that lent him a shot of bravery. "You, uh...wanna hang out?" he asked. "Take our minds offa it. I –" But Naoto's eyes seemed to have widened a fraction, so he quickly added, "Rise's probably free too."
Naoto opened her mouth slightly, then broke eye contact. Her hand moved to the brim of her cap – all of which, in Naoto-speak, he knew as an impending refusal. "I have to be at Souji-senpai's house in half an hour," she said, quiet and rapid. "Finalizing our plans."
Bravery gave way to bitter stubbornness; something Kanji distantly registered as a bad sign. "So I'll go too. Maybe I can help."
She shook her head. "That won't be necessary. You'd be better off preparing for tomorrow. You aren't—"
At his sides, he felt his fists clench. "Aren't smart enough?" he broke in.
Naoto's gaze snapped back to him – but where he'd expected a flash of indignation, he saw only hurt, stunned confusion. "That _isn't_ what I said. You have your talents, as I have mine and Senpai has his." She gestured to herself with one hand, the other gripping her shoulder in a pose that looked horribly defensive, as if Kanji's words had badly stung. "I'm - inexperienced in battle compared to the rest of you, but strategizing is-"
"Something the rest of us ain't good enough to do, thass what you're sayin'." Naoto could rationalize till the end of time, but it'd never change what she was actually saying – what she probably said to _Souji_, too, whenever they got together without the rest of the team. The _smart_ ones together. "What's so special about fussing over that crap anyway?"
Naoto stared up at him in awful, heavy silence. "I don't understand," she said, thickly. "Senpai and I have worked together before. Why are you – Kanji, this is hardly the time for petty disagreements."
Later on, he'd realize she was right (as usual) and that he'd been making a big deal out of stuff that wasn't his business. But right now – worried about tomorrow, still stung by the rejection, and most of all feeling completely _useless_ – Kanji couldn't rein in his temper. "Whatever. You – you said I was stupid before. Guess you meant it," he muttered.
"I _didn't_. You simply don't..." She gave a single, sharp shake of her head, already turning away. "I have to go. Good night."
Kanji turned away too, and grabbed the broom from its place by the shop wall. He didn't bother to watch her leave.
* * *
**December 21st, 2011**
The inside of Mayumi Yamano's TV-world apartment looked much the same as before: torn faceless posters lining the walls, the noose dangling from the ceiling, and, on the far side of the room, the familiar red and black of the portal to Adachi's Inaba. Thanks to the fog and the resulting lack of customers, getting in and out of the Junes TV without being noticed was a lot easier than it used to be – but jumping through this portal was, for Kanji, proving a lot harder.
Chie was bouncing from foot to foot, staring at the swirling, rippling surface. "So...are we ready?"
"Of course!" Yosuke replied, but his grin was a split-second late and too taut at the edges.
"We should be cautious," Naoto said. "We don't know exactly where the portal leads."
Yosuke gave a stiff shrug, still with that same grin. "It goes to Adachi. Good enough for me."
Deep down, Kanji doubted any of them really wanted to do this. Sure, he wanted to smack Adachi into the middle of next _year_, had been itching for the opportunity all the way through Souji's endless rounds of training - but Adachi as he was now wasn't just Adachi anymore, and facing him down with Personas that weren't at full strength or, in Senpai's case, couldn't be called at all...saying it'd be tough was an understatement.
It still wasn't fair. It wouldn't _ever_ be fair. But what choice did they have?
Kanji punched a fist into his palm. "Yeah. Let's roll."
With a quick, tight nod at them all, Souji stepped forward, sword held ready, and – without a moment's hesitation - stepped into the portal. The team quickly followed, one by one.
Fortunately, and despite Naoto's concerns, they spilled out of the portal by the ruined Moel garage, so they at least had some way of getting their bearings. What was left of the shopping district stretched out ahead of them, and there were more fuzzy black angles against the skyline; as if Adachi's twisted Inaba had expanded while they'd been gone, sprouted more wrecked buildings and half-familiar piles of debris. The fact that Kanji could see them meant the fog here had lifted even more, probably because it all seemed to be rolling into the real Inaba instead.
"I can't tell where Adachi is." Himiko was already at Rise's back, visor held over her face. "Everything here's so _loud_."
"So we keep looking," Souji said grimly. "We'll check the shopping district first."
They started walking. Though Kanji had expected Shadows, like last time, the only sound was that of their footsteps, and even that sounded muffled. He glanced at Naoto, who was checking her revolver as they walked - opening the chamber and counting the bullets, though they'd never really helped against Shadows. Maybe they'd work against Adachi. It was a grisly thought, but one Kanji had to keep in mind – because when they found the bastard, who said he'd just give up and come quietly? It might've helped to ask Naoto what she thought would happen, except she and Kanji hadn't spoken since last night. Hadn't even acknowledged each other when the team had met by the school gate, ready to head to Junes. If there was ever a good time to pick a fight with someone you cared about, it _wasn't_ the day before you tried facing down a crazy Shadow-controlling murderer.
Speaking of which, how come they hadn't found any? There were always Shadows in the other sub-worlds, even after the team had fought whoever's other self was in charge. Why weren't there any here? Was Adachi pulling a Namatame and drawing them all somewhere else?
The team soon reached Aiya. The shop was little more than a pile of rubble, a few tacky decorations visible among the wooden debris, junk Otsu probably picked up cheap in Okina – and somehow _that_ was what made Kanji's stomach twist in on itself. The Tatsuhime shrine was unreachable, its entrance blocked by sharp black branches. Marukyu Tofu was at least still standing, though he couldn't bear to look through the door. He kept his eyes on Rise instead, who focused her own firmly on the ground - yet he couldn't resist glancing inside the textiles shop as they passed. Its front was cracked clean open, and the inside was coated in the same black filth he'd seen in Daidara's. His stomach clenched again at the sight, and he turned his head on reflex and caught Naoto's eye for the first time that day.
"It isn't real, Kanji-kun." Yukiko was suddenly at his side, one hand on his forearm. "You know that."
And sure, of course he did, he'd walked through the damn district this morning to get to school, but knowing that didn't help. Far worse was the fact that Adachi _wanted_ Inaba to be this way, that this might actually happen if the team couldn't- -
"Yeah. Course." Kanji stared straight ahead, if only to end the conversation – then noticed the tall building on the horizon, looming ahead of them in the faint fog. It'd seemed to appear so suddenly - and so much in the wrong place - that it took him a few moments to recognize it as Inaba Municipal Hospital. Thing was, it wasn't supposed to _be _here. Going by the real Inaba's layout, they should've been approaching the old residential district, all narrow roads and low-roofed houses.
Yosuke let out a low whistle. "Whoa. Adachi's geography is _majorly_ screwed up."
"I don't know...it might be here for a reason." Souji glanced over his shoulder. "Rise?"
"There's way too much power radiating from it..." Rise said, voice barely a whisper. "It – it's hard to hear anything else." The knuckles on her clasped hands had turned porcelain white. "And I can sense – two presences inside."
Chie arched her eyebrows. "Two?"
"Yeah. I-I think one of them's Adachi, though I'm not positive. The other...it sounds like a whole bunch of different Shadows merged together."
"Like with Namatame?" Souji asked. "When he drew the Shadows to him?"
Rise shook her head, visor moving with the motion. "Different. I could still hear him underneath. This one...all I can sense are Shadows."
"Yeah, _that_ sounds just great," muttered Yosuke. "So what do we do?"
Souji stared at the building a moment, as if weighing his options, then turned back to the group. "Chie, Yosuke, Yukiko – stay out here with Rise." He tipped his head toward the doors of the hospital lobby – glass, like the real thing, but smeared with something dark and slick. "Kanji, Naoto, Ted, you're with me."
Neither Chie nor Yosuke seemed pleased with that idea, but it was Yukiko, brow furrowed and expression anxious, who spoke up. "Shouldn't we all go together?"
"If something happens in there, I don't want all eight of us caught up in it at once - especially not in an enclosed environment. You guys will be our backup while we scout for Adachi." He smiled at her, though it looked tight and forced. "Don't worry, I've got a Goho-M. We'll portal out before we get too far up."
"Teddie had trouble creating a portal last time," Rise pointed out. "Do you think the Goho-M's gonna work?"
"One way to find out." Souji tilted back his head, gaze fixed on the top floors of the hospital. "Either way, we need to check this place out. Come on, guys." He started walking toward the hospital entrance, and Kanji, Naoto and Ted all quickly followed.
Despite the goo covering the glass, the lobby doors still slowly slid open. It was hard to make out much of anything inside at first, partly because of the stuff staining the doors and windows, but mostly because the overhead strip lighting didn't seem to be working. Everything was cast in dim red light instead, the same way everything in Naoto's base had looked a weird shade of green, except this was somehow worse. It felt foreboding – especially as Kanji's eyes adjusted, and he noticed the figures sitting stiff and motionless on the lobby chairs. Plastic mannequins, he quickly realized, not Shadows, but knowing that only made them _more_ creepy. The one nearest to him was posed with its elbows on its knees and its head in its fingerless hands. Dark liquid trickled down its blank face and pooling on the floor below; same consistency as the stuff on the windows. He hadn't been able to tell what it was before, but the thick, metallic smell clogging the air was a gruesome clue.
"Better skip the elevators." Souji was already by the lobby's main reception, eyeing the bloody mannequin propped behind the desk. "We'll have to find the stairs."
"So we look for fire exit signs," Kanji said. For some reason, Souji raised his eyebrows at that. "What?"
Souji shrugged. "I just hadn't thought of doing that. It's a really good idea."
And something about that _really_ pissed Kanji off. Like big dumb Tatsumi needed to be patted on the back for an oh-so-rare sensible suggestion. He might've expected that kind of answer from Naoto, given she often showed about as much tact as he did, yesterday evening included - but not from Souji. Senpai never acted that way. Or at least, he didn't used to.
Kanji felt his jaw clench, the muscles working under his skin. "Yeah. Sure."
The exit signs were hard to spot at first, half-hidden under the blood stains on the walls and coloured a shade of green that didn't show up well in the red light, but after being shown the first one Ted was able to pick out the rest pretty quickly. He seemed to have less trouble with the lack of light than the rest of the team, who had to pick their way through the corridors around the mannequins, upturned chairs, and pools of blood and Shadow . The unnerving part was, they didn't find any Shadows, though they tried to check inside every room they passed. Each looked as filthy and cluttered as the corridors, but some were blocked off with yellow police tape, like you saw in cop movies. Kanji figured it was just a stupid joke the first time – as if _tape_ would ever stop anyone - then smacked into an invisible wall when he tried to enter the room. Couldn't see anything blocking the way. It was like someone had covered the doorway with a pane of spotless glass, except his shield didn't even make a dent.
"He's directing us," Souji muttered. He lifted his head and spoke to the empty air. "Rise, you were right. We haven't found any Shadows on the ground floor. They must all be drawn to that presence you sensed."
_"Yeah. I can sense Adachi, too, higher up the building...but it's really hard to hear anything over the other one. Be careful, okay?"_
At that, Naoto stopped walking, and turned around to face Ted. Though still fairly neutral, her expression was tinged with a wary curiosity. "Teddie, do you feel the same draw? The urge to follow those other Shadows?"
Ted blinked at her. "Huh?"
Beside her, Souji winced. "_Naoto_."
"Senpai, I – it's a valid question," Naoto protested, but added, "I mean no offence, Teddie. We must only be certain you aren't being influenced by whatever is drawing the Shadows."
"Ohhh." Ted's dawn of understanding sounded accepting enough, though Kanji caught a flicker across his expression; something close to guilt, or maybe resignation. He pressed a paw to his temple – just like Senpai sometimes did in thought – then gave a shrug. "I think I'm okay. I didn't feel anything like that when we fought Namatame either." Cringing slightly, he glanced at Souji. "Except for – you know."
Kanji clapped a hand against Ted's back. Man, it was _fuzzy_. "You weren't alone there, dude."
Naoto looked away, her neutral expression shifting to a small, troubled frown.
"No, he wasn't," Souji said – softer than expected, maybe even gentle, and Kanji had the strangely uneasy feeling that Ted wasn't the only one he was talking to. He turned away and continued walking, eyes scanning the corridor for more fire exit signs. "Come on. Let's keep going."
The emergency exit was around the next corner, but once inside the stairwell they could only climb three flights. The steps to the fourth floor were blocked off with the same police tape as before, and the same invisible wall. Two mannequins sat on the steps; the police tape wound tightly around their necks.
Kanji had one hand on the stairwell door when Souji grabbed his arm. "Remember, Adachi's pushing us this way," he said. "Rise. Can you sense anything on the third floor?"
Again, Rise answered inside their heads, but this time it was garbled - like static on a badly tuned TV. _"Sen...something in th...erful, please ke..."_
"Interference," Naoto said. "We know that this place compromises our Personas. They may not be able to hear Himiko in full – or, equally, she may not be able to transmit clearly."
Dammit. Last thing they needed was to walk out there blind. Adachi must _want_ them to explore this floor, meaning there had to be something bad waiting for them. But if they had no choice but to follow his route, why not get it over with? "We headin' out?" Kanji asked, and after Souji's nod of permission, pushed open the door. It led directly onto a long corridor, identical to the one outside Nanako's room and Dojima's room and probably most rooms in the whole damn hospital. Every floor of that place looked more or less the same. Aside from the blood and black slime on the walls and the occasional weirdly-posed dummy – all of which Kanji was getting disturbingly used to - the same was probably true here.
"Hang a left," Souji said. "There's got to be more than one set of stairs in here."
If this _had_ been the real hospital, the corridors would've been like a maze – but there was only one route through, all alternatives blocked off with invisible barriers. The team turned corner after corner, searching for new exit signs and checking each room they passed. Some contained mannequins lying on bloodied hospital beds or slumped in plastic chairs, but others were strangely empty. Like Adachi's mind hadn't bothered to _finish_ the hospital, and this was just window-dressing as he led them nearer to him. Maybe all those other areas they couldn't reach were empty too. Either way, it seemed like he _wanted_ to fight, or at least wanted the team to face him in person - or maybe, Kanji thought, all that was just wishful thinking – the type of thing a real man would do, not some gutless bastard - and all Adachi was really doing was leading them right into a trap.
Midway along another nondescript corridor, Souji stopped. "You hear that?"
Caught up in thought, Kanji hadn't noticed anything other than their footsteps – but now, straining his ears, he could hear a strange sound low in the background. A hum, maybe, though so deep it verged on a growl.
"I can't just hear it, Sensei, I can _feel_ it," Teddie said, with a shiver that passed visibly over his entire suit. "But I can't tell what it is."
"Then I guess we'll find—"
Floors above them, something roared with energy.
No, not roared – _exploded_. The sound of masonry smashing, the building creaking – and seconds later, on top of it all, Rise's panicked, distorted voice. _"Senpai! ...Reaper Shadow heading dow...hit, watch out above you!"_
The last four words were all that mattered. "Turn back!" Souji yelled, and began running in the same direction they'd come from. They made as far as the previous corner when the second roar came, and the corridor ceiling burst open.
Fragments and dust showered down. Ted was thrown by the impact, bouncing off the floor and tumbling past Souji – who'd evoked on reflex, a hazy, flickering Izanagi tearing into the air behind him and immediately taking a full-on blast of energy from the gap in the ceiling. A Shadow plunged through: tall, dark, and draped in chains that clanked as it leveled one of its two guns at Kanji.
He leapt back, expecting another energy blast. Instead, a wall of fire swept across the corridor, cutting him off from Souji and Ted. Through the flames, he could see Senpai was on his knees, and that Teddie had evoked too, his new Persona Kamui looking surprisingly solid. Ice shards shot out from its claws – and were immediately swallowed by a second Agidyne from the Reaper Shadow, this one blasting Kamui straight into Izanagi.
Kanji willed his card into his hand, and crushed it. "_Take-Mikazuchi!"_
His Persona burst into being as commanded, though his connection with Kanji felt flimsy, like a string split into thin threads. Kanji clapped his hands, Take-Mikazuchi mimicking the motion, and a Ziodyne crashed down into the Reaper - actually staggering it, with a follow-up slash from Sukuna-Hikona's sword almost knocking the gun out of its right hand. The response – almost instantaneous – was a spear of ice that slammed into Sukuna-Hikona and nearly reduced the flickering Persona to static. Behind him, Kanji heard Naoto yelp with pain but didn't dare turn around. What the hell _was_ this thing?
Focused on the Shadow, he never saw Teddie behind the flames, but he heard his frantic warning. "Kanji! Watch out! It's going to—"
Wind blasted from the Reaper's guns. Kanji was vaguely aware of being thrown backwards, tumbling down the corridor, and smashing into a wall - the impact enough to knock what breath he had left out of his chest.
Another blast, closer than it should've been, and the smell of burning plastic. Seconds later, Naoto was at his side and trying to pull him onto his feet. "Get up!"
Kanji pushed himself up on both hands and launched into a staggering run. The Reaper followed. Naoto was a few steps ahead, gun drawn, but didn't stop to shoot. Instead, she darted around the next corner – then slammed to a halt in front of the police tape blocking the way. Dammit, he'd forgotten those fricking barriers! With nowhere else to go, he grabbed Naoto's arm and hauled her into the nearest room. They were barely through the door when the corridor wall exploded.
Debris flew into the room, concrete and wood and dust, clogging his lungs – dammit, how powerful were those guns? – and flinging blood and slime against the remaining walls and across the scattered hospital beds. There was this creaking sound, like they'd heard earlier but louder, as if the building were shifting; hairline cracks now visible on the floor and ceiling.
"Naoto!" he yelled. "We gotta go, this place is gonna—"
The Reaper burst into the room, left gun held above its head, the barrel glowing brilliant white.
Oh, _shit_.
If he knew that light, Naoto knew it better. "Megidola! _Move_!"
Kanji threw himself sideways, tumbling over one of the blood-stained beds, and screwed his eyes shut.
Even behind his eyelids, the light was searing. The sound was worse. A roar of energy louder than any thunder, enough to set his ears ringing – only it _kept_ _going_, just as the room kept shaking around him. The light gone, he opened his eyes just in time to see the faint cracks beneath him turn into jagged lines. There was one final blast – the Reaper, firing a shot where Naoto had been standing only a moment before – and the floor split open. Kanji tried to roll aside, but the tiles beneath him were already shattering, pieces tumbling through the widening gap. As he swung one arm uselessly, reaching for Naoto over three meters away, the rest of the floor crumbled completely.
The fall seemed to take an age; his stomach lurching, limbs flailing, beds and mannequins and debris plunging with him level after level as the concrete rubble smashed through each floor of the building. He'd blindly latched onto one of the falling beds, as if that'd somehow help, and found himself practically riding it downward.
But it wasn't the bed that broke his fall. A second before impact, Kanji felt a familiar wave of energy pulse up from below him. It was enough to slow his fall, though not to stop the bed from collapsing inward on impact. Eyes still screwed shut, he heard the metal buckle – felt pain burst through his left leg just as the air rushed out of his chest - and then all he could breathe was thick, choking dust. Several long seconds passed before it settled and he was able to gulp a few deep breaths.
Breathing _hurt_ – not just his body, though he felt like he'd bruised every part of him on the way down, but his damn _leg_. Must be the motion, meaning he'd hurt it bad. It was a few minutes before he could bring himself to crack open his eyes, prop himself up on his elbows, and inspect the damage. He'd kept hold of the bed frame all the way down, and along with the weird energy wave it'd mostly broken his fall. It hadn't stopped the debris that'd fallen through _after_ him. Looking at the lumps of masonry next to his leg on the bed, he figured one of them had scored a direct hit.
Okay. So his leg was hosed. He'd earned a _lot _of new bruises. In an effort to keep his head straight, Kanji kept the checklist going, and next were his glasses – which he'd dimly noticed falling off at the last minute. Glancing sideways, he spotted them on the floor, a half-metre from the bed.
Slowly, carefully, he sat up, pushed himself off the mattress - cursing under his breath with each movement – and eased himself onto the ground. It felt dirtier than the man-made hospital flooring, and a little softer too – which might explain why his glasses were mostly intact. The frames looked a slightly bent and one of the lenses was scuffed, but he'd be able to see. The items in his pockets had come off worse. The can of Orange Smash tucked inside his coat seemed okay, but the gel he'd picked up at Shiroku had been squeezed out of its tube, and the vial of medicine had cracked open and soaked into the lining of his side pocket. Crap, it'd take a week of cleaning to get that out, stuff smelt fricking terrible and tasted even—
Wait. Where was Naoto?
The whole floor had collapsed from under them, she had to have fallen too – so where was she? "Yo, Naoto!"
No answer.
His stomach seemed to do a sudden, wrenching back-flip. Of _course_ she was fine, this was Naoto, she was always- "N-Naoto, dammit! You there?"
There was a long pause, long enough to leave him on the verge of calling out again, before he heard footsteps moving across the floor. Moments later, Naoto emerged from the dim murkiness to his right.
"_Please_ stop shouting," she said, in a low but urgent voice. "The louder you are, the easier it will be for that Shadow to find us again."
And maybe she was right – but his leg hurt like hell, he swore every part of him was bruised, and his temper wasn't doing much better. "You weren't answering! Th'hell was I meant to—" The rest dissolved into a hiss. He'd accidentally shifted in place mid-rant, sending pain spiraling up his injured leg.
Naoto moved closer. "Kanji-kun? What's wrong?"
The stubborn, 'man's man' part of him debated lying, but shit, she wasn't stupid. She'd figure out what'd happened as soon as he tried to stand. "My -my leg," he managed. "Left one. W-When I fell, it – I-I dunno. Somethin's wrong with it."
"Is the pain severe?" Her voice was almost gentle. It threw him more than he wanted to admit.
"N-No – I mean – ah, crap." Hell, who was he kidding? "It's - pretty bad."
Naoto's eyes narrowed at that. They glanced away a moment later, and he heard fabric rustle as she rifled through her pockets. A moment later she pulled out a small thin object, though it wasn't till she flicked it open and dim light caught on the blade that he realized it was a penknife. A penknife which was now moving down to his injured leg.
"Hey, no amputations, yeah?" he joked, before realizing she was slicing through the cloth of his pants - which was _seriously_ not cool. "Aw, c'mon, don't ruin 'em!"
"Your leg's badly swollen," she said, like he couldn't _tell_ that already. The knife worked its way down from his knee to his ankle, creating a flap in an otherwise perfectly good pair of pants. "No point in constricting it."
Kanji stared down at his leg. After Naoto's impromptu re-tailoring, he could see that even in the red light the skin looked shiny, like it was stretched too tight over his muscles and bones. "You – you think it's broken?"
"There are no obvious or compound breaks, but there may still be a fracture." More rustling, and Naoto held out her hand. "Here." She was holding a small plastic vial: one of the medicine containers they'd picked up at Shiroku. Helped if you were a little tired or scraped up, but with how bad his fricking leg hurt...
He shook his head. "I-I dunno if that'll work on this, man."
"Try it anyway."
Still seemed pointless, but to hell with it, it wasn't like it would hurt so he uncapped the vial, closed his eyes, and tipped the bitter liquid down his throat. Warmth spread from his head to his fingers and toes, and though the throbbing in his leg dimmed for only a second, his other scratches and bruises hurt a little less.
He opened his eyes to find Naoto staring at him, brow furrowed. From the collection of objects beside her – five or six bullets, her penknife, a set of keys, and a handful of what looked like Soul Drops – he guessed she'd been searching her pockets for something better. "Do you have any other healing items?"
He shook his head. "Just a soda. Broke the good stuff in the fall." That and maybe his leg too. Still, given the distance he'd probably gotten off lightly. He squinted at the hole in the ceiling, trying to see back up to the third floor, but the light was too bad to make out anything higher than two levels up. No sign of the Shadow, in any case. Had it gone after Souji and Teddie? "H-How far away d'you think Senpai and Ted are?" he asked.
Naoto paused. It went on for a strangely long time. "I don't know. I can't -" Another pause, though this lasted only a moment. "How far did we fall?"
Kanji figured someone so observant should already know the answer, but then the fall had been pretty chaotic. He'd only been able to count in retrospect, by remembering the number of levels they'd plunged through. "Hell, every time we hit a floor it crumbled. Think we went through – five, maybe six."
"There shouldn't have _been_ that many. We started on the third floor."
...Good point. He hadn't really considered it before, but it would explain the even dimmer light here. Kanji looked around, taking in the space where they'd landed. It was half-filled with crap from the upper levels - crumbled masonry, ruined beds, crushed mannequins - but there was dirt in place of the hard floors of the hospital, and from what he could make out in the gloom, the corridors had been replaced by narrow tunnels. "Yeah. Guess we're underground, then."
"Which means we need to find a route back up. Or a place to take shelter, assuming the others are able to come to our aid." She let out a long breath. "...Though right now that may be an unreasonable assumption."
An unreasonable idea, too. Kanji couldn't even stand; how was he supposed to go searching for anything? The thought of being left alone down here – unable to move, waiting for a Shadow to come finish him off - scared him shitless, but there was no sense in both of them getting themselves killed. Naoto was sensible. She'd get it.
He swallowed, trying to find his voice. "Naoto – I don't think I can move, an' you can't carry me."
The answer started before he'd finished the sentence. "I'm not leaving you."
"S'the only thing you _can_ do! You gotta fetch help."
"Don't be ridiculous," Naoto muttered. She slipped one arm underneath his and tried to haul him up, but all the effort did was jolt him, a bolt of pain shooting up his leg in response.
He tried to pull away. "Whoa, whoa! I already said y'can't carry me!"
"I have no intention of doing so." She still hadn't let go, and she tugged at him again. "But I can support you. You are going to walk with me, Kanji-kun, and we are going to search for a way out."
And it sounded so _adamant_, Kanji could almost believe her. In reality, sticking together just made them a bigger, slower target – but Naoto made it sound like the only option. For her, maybe it was.
...No. Stupid thought. She probably just thought that she'd be equally defenceless on her own, what with Sukuna-Hikona being pretty useless in one-on-one combat. Except, he realized, that was uncharitable and untrue; the little guy had bailed Kanji out before and could punch well above his weight. So could Naoto. She was staying out of choice.
"Th-Thanks," he said, not quite able to look at her. With his teeth clenched, one hand on the rubble, and one arm round Naoto's shoulders, he was able to push himself upright.
Their steps were unsteady, at first. Doubting Naoto was able to bear much of his weight and doubting even more that she'd let him know that, Kanji was unwilling to lean on her too heavily. The height difference didn't help their balance, either, and every step he took brought a fresh burst of pain – but slowly, laboriously, they stumbled across the room and into the nearest tunnel. The ceiling there was low and the walls were almost completely obscured by mingled blood and black slime, making it even more difficult to see. Both of them stayed quiet, listening closely for any sounds of Shadows. At least there didn't seem to be any barriers down here; maybe Adachi's ability to make them only stretched so far, or maybe he figured Kanji and Naoto were as good as dead anyway. Maybe he just didn't care, provided he got to face Senpai. In the end, Souji was always going to be the most important.
It hit Kanji then, as they were hobbling in silence, that what with the Shadow, the fall, and his leg, he'd completely forgotten that he and Naoto had been trying to ignore each other. Seemed like she had, too, or at least she hadn't been pissed off enough to leave him sprawled on a pile of debris. Part of him still wished she _had_, that she'd just find a way out before that Shadow came down to finish the job – but the rest was profoundly, guiltily grateful that she'd stayed behind.
He glanced down at her, though all he could see was the top of her cap. "Doin' okay?" he asked.
"Fine," she answered, through what sounded like gritted teeth. Stubborn even by Naoto standards.
Kanji had his fair share of stubbornness too. It got him through what felt like an hour of wrenching pain – though it was probably more like ten minutes – before he finally _needed_ to rest, or risk dropping and taking Naoto with him.
"Hurts," he muttered. "G-Gotta stop for a bit, yeah?"
Naoto nodded below him, and between the two of them, they clumsily lowered him to the ground. They'd stopped in the middle of a tunnel, so he figured she wouldn't let him wait here long – but he just needed a little bit, some time to steel himself for another go. Kanji scrubbed at his face, trying to wipe away the sweat, then stopped. His hand smelled like blood. Crap, had he hurt _that_ too?
But he would've noticed it before, back on the floor right after the fall – and unless it'd been a deep wound, the medicine would've taken care of it along with his other minor cuts and scratches. He definitely hadn't touched any of the walls, and when he'd pushed himself up in the first room the ground had felt dry. After that, he hadn't really done _anything_ with that hand, just kept it gripping Naoto's shoulder while she tried to haul—
Kanji paused. "Naoto. C'mere."
Naoto hesitated a moment, then knelt down beside him. "Is something—" she started, then jolted back when he cupped his hand against the left side of her head. "Wh-What are you doing?"
He drew back his hand and peered at it. In the red light, he could see a faint smear across his palm. "You're fricking _bleeding_, dumbass!"
"Yes, I know," she said, in a tone just short of an exasperated sigh. "The cut isn't severe. I'll be fine."
"You never said you were hurt!"
"As I said, it's a minor injury. Nothing as disabling as a potential leg fracture." Still kneeling, she straightened and adjusted her cap with one hand, tilting it a little as if to avoid the injured side of her head. "The amount of blood from a head wound is often a poor indicator of its severity."
"Cracking your head ain't _minor_, 'specially if you were out cold."
That, if nothing else, caught Naoto's attention. She tipped her head slightly, frowning in what now looked more like curiosity than frustration. "What makes you think I was unconscious?"
"Pretty damn obvious," he muttered, thought to be honest, it was only true in retrospect. "Thass why you couldn't remember how far we fell."
It was hard to tell in the light, but he swore Naoto smiled, just slightly. "I was unaware of your powers of deduction."
Torn between feeling proud he'd impressed her and being pissed that he had, Kanji settled for a dull glare at the floor instead. "I ain't a total idiot," he muttered.
"I know," Naoto said, and left it at that. "I'm sure the pain is severe – but could you try to contact Rise? I can't hear her."
Kanji grit his teeth, trying to focus past the white-hot throbbing in his leg. "Yo, Rise?"
_"Kanji-kun! Th—fighting out—Chie-sen—"_
After that, nothing. "Dammit...I lost her," he told Naoto. "She - she said something about a fight, and Chie-senpai."
"The Reaper. It must be attacking them." Naoto's expression had turned deeply troubled. "I – don't remember what happened before the fall," she admitted. "Did Souji-senpai and Teddie escape?"
"Didn't see...but they must've. Why?"
"If that same Shadow is attacking Rise and the other senpai, then either Souji-senpai and Teddie were able to evade it, or..." Naoto drew a sharp breath.
Kanji shook his head. "Don't think like that. Senpai's fine."
"Of course," she said, voice low. A few minutes of silence later, she scooted toward him, slipped her arm under his again, and helped him up.
* * *
They'd continued the same pattern – searching, then resting, then searching again - though for exactly how long, Kanji couldn't be certain. Twenty minutes, maybe. He only knew that they'd stopped three more times, that the periods of walking had decreased between each one, and that they still hadn't found a way out. Hadn't even passed any other open spaces; aside from where they'd landed, this whole floor seemed to be endless, snaking tunnels. They'd been searching for stairs, but who knew if there _were_ any? They'd only ended up here because of the floors collapsing, and it looked nothing like the hospital above. The one thing they had in common was monotony: if the corridors up there had looked similar, these tunnels were nearly identical.
"...So, which way?" he asked. He'd let Naoto take the lead, right from where they'd landed, but they'd been standing at this particular junction for at least thirty seconds.
She didn't respond. She seemed to be getting tired, or at least they were moving more slowly. No surprise after half-dragging a big lug like him around. But she'd also started hesitating at each junction, like she wasn't sure where to go – which she probably wasn't, to be fair, but it was still slightly unnerving. Especially since the pause stretched out longer each time.
"Yo, Naoto?"
"Sorry. Turn left."
They'd done that the last five junctions. The tunnels were curved, though, not like the perpendicular corridors of the hospital, so maybe that was okay and they were heading in the correct direction. Kanji kept this hope up as they staggered the full length of the tunnel, until it opened out onto a large, open room – a room missing most of its ceiling, and scattered with concrete, mannequins, and broken beds.
Shit. They'd come full circle.
"Dammit...we gotta stop! We don't know where we're going." He pushed away from her, steadied himself on a nearby pile of debris, and lowered himself to the ground. The motion aggravated his leg further, leaving him half-sprawled against the rubble and breathing hard.
Naoto blinked down at him."What do you mean?"
"Man, look around! This is where we started!"
"I – it – " She glanced around the room as if seeing it for the first time, until her eyes widened in recognition – then shook her head, clutching at it a split-second later. "I-I must've made a mistake. We should try again."
"I – I can't, alright?" Kanji managed through clenched teeth. He'd been _counting _on Naoto to lead them out. "I'm tired, my leg frickin' hurts, we don't have a Dia between us and—"
"Do you have any healing items?" Naoto cut in.
His heart sank. "…No. Broke what I had in the fall. Told you that earlier."
"Of course you did. R-Remiss of me. I apologize." The same formal crap as usual, except she stumbled over the words like they didn't fit in her mouth.
...When he'd jumped in the TV and promptly gotten his ass kicked by Adachi's Persona, she'd been worried he had a concussion.
He squinted in the light, trying to make out her expression. "Naoto. Something ain't right. How bad did you hit your head?"
It was the wrong thing to say, or maybe just the wrong way to say it. Naoto swept her hand through the air, sharp and dismissive. "Kanji, we don't have _time_ for this! We need to find a way back up. The others – Rise and the senpai may be under attack, and we have no idea what happened to Souji-senpai and Teddie!"
Like he didn't know all that, _and_ feel like a total waste of time for not being able to help. But he was in no position to rescue anyone – and Naoto, he was starting to suspect, might be in equal trouble. "I _know_. But I'm going nowhere right now and I'm too heavy for you t'carry. Now siddown."
Naoto held on to her glare for several seconds before it finally faltered. "You're - if, if this is for my benefit-"
"Just – take a rest, okay?" he coaxed. "No point in you draggin' my lame ass around if we don't know where we're going." He paused. "And let me look at your head."
Maybe Naoto knew there was something up too, because the anger and frustration seemed to ebb out of her as he spoke. She carefully sat down beside him and pulled off her cap. "...Very well."
It was difficult to see in the low light, but he quickly realized there wasn't really a deep cut, but instead a vicious scrape a short way above her ear and what looked like a hell of a lump forming. Her hair was slightly matted with dry blood, but when he cupped his hand against her head again, it came away free of fresh smears.
What else had she done when she thought he'd had a concussion? Something about his eyes? Checking the pupils were the same, something like that – but it'd be too dark here to tell. "Well, you ain't bleeding anymore," he told her. "How'd you feel?"
"Tired. Sick," she admitted. "I...don't think I'm doing well."
Nausea and confusion. She'd mentioned those, too. At a loss for anything else, Kanji reached inside his coat and pulled out the slightly dinged Orange Smash. "Here. Might help t'drink something."
Naoto took the can, but didn't open it. She did, however, lean in slightly closer against his side. It might've freaked him out any other time, but he found that, right now, none of that crap seemed to matter. He slipped his arm around her shoulders and tried to support her against the rubble – wanting and wishing he could do something _more_, something that would keep her safe. Some hope, when he hadn't even taken care of himself.
But it was okay. They'd just rest a little bit. Figure out what to do next. Kanji told himself this and tried to believe it – but with him half-lame and Naoto not all there, how the hell were they supposed to get anywhere? The brawn was crippled and the brains couldn't think straight, he realized, with a humorless, airless laugh.
"When we start again," she said. "You have to-I, I can't remember. Direction."
"Thass why we were goin' in circles, huh?" he said, gently.
"Can't remember," Naoto repeated. "I-I'm sorry."
Kanji pulled her slightly closer, squeezing her shoulders; his gaze fixed on the gap in the ceiling and the darkness of the upper levels. "I know. S'okay."
39. Interlude 11
_(These 'interludes' have been showing up every other chapter, but I'll continue calling them that. Also: quick thank you to all anonymous/unregistered reviewers - I can't answer you directly on here, but I appreciate your feedback.)
_
_Story so far: Trying to escape a Reaper, Kanji and Naoto took a multi-floor fall that ended in a fractured leg, a major concussion, and a consequent inability to find their way out._
_In this part: Electrifying plans and not-so-well-kept secrets.
_
* * *
She couldn't remember the fall. She barely recalled the Reaper. For Naoto – whose mastery of detail was the essence of her abilities – this was deeply unsettling. So was everything else.
The room was cold and dusty, and in the darkness the vague outlines of rubble took on the shapes of Shadows. She knew it was the concussion at work, same as the ringing in her ears, the intense pressure in her head, her inability to hold onto her thoughts – yet that was no consolation. The fog might be receding from the television world, but Naoto felt swallowed by it.
"So. Any ideas?"
She blinked. Kanji, of course. He'd said – _something_, a short while ago. Something she should have answered. "I - I'm sorry. Ideas about what?"
"What we do next." He shifted beside her with a hiss of pain. His arm was still around her back; Naoto hadn't thought to move away. "How to get out of here, call for help, whatever. I've been listening for Rise...but she ain't saying anything." He chuckled, though it sounded halfhearted and breathless. "First time in her life, right?"
How would they get out of here? Naoto tried to focus, to push past the dizziness, the pain in her head, the swirling nausea in her stomach and throat, but her concentration shattered each time. The tiredness was bone deep, and if she just let her eyes drift shut...
No. It was vital she stay awake. She remembered that much.
_Focus_. They couldn't move. Even if they could, she was unable to navigate. Going in circles, never realizing it, and she'd felt so stunned and stupid when—
"Naoto? You there?"
Kanji's voice again. Naoto snapped back to attention. "Y-Yes. Just a moment."
They needed help from the others. The hours she'd spent strategizing with Souji had made his priorities clear; if he'd evaded the Reaper, he'd be racing up the building to Adachi. The last either she or Kanji had heard from Rise was her panicked transmission about the Reaper. If she and the senpai had defeated it, they might be able to help - but then why had Rise been silent since?
Too many questions. The room was spinning, the bloodstained walls moving in and out of focus. Naoto turned her head, wincing at the burst of pain, and looked up at Kanji. "Evoke," she told him. "Keep doing it. Try to get Rise's attention. I – " She paused, racking her mind for some trace of Sukuna-Hikona. Nothing. She bit her lip. "I-I can't."
"Okay. I c'n do that." His card flashed into his upturned palm. He crushed it an instant later, his fist enveloped by the blue glow, and with a rush of dusty air Take-Mikazuchi burst into existence in front of them. The room was tall, much taller than the tunnels, but the Persona's broad shoulders still rose past the gap in the floor above. He peered down at Kanji, as if waiting for instructions.
"Nothin' fancy. Just need you to show up on Rise's radar, yeah?" The shake in Kanji's voice was hard to notice, but once Naoto had, it became unmissable. "Make sure she hears you."
In the most human-like gesture Naoto had seen the Persona demonstrate, Take-Mikazuchi gave a slow, stiff nod. He'd started to flicker, though, much like he had in the earlier fight, and around five seconds later he sputtered out completely.
"Sorry," Kanji muttered, then grunted with pain. "Can't call him for all that long. Sorta – distracted, y'know?"
It wasn't Kanji's fault. If Naoto were the one suffering a potential closed fracture, she would be equally hard pushed to concentrate. As it was, her own injury had left her unable to do something as simple and instinctive as call her Persona. He'd been dormant since the fog set in, hard to contact, but he'd still been _there_, tucked away at the back of her mind. Now, everything was jumbled: vague shadows of memories and threads of thought that led nowhere. It felt like part of her was missing, and the absence was even more painful than the throbbing in her head.
She swallowed hard. "No, _I_ should apologize. I...should be able to summon Sukuna-Hikona."
Kanji squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry. S'probably because you hit your head. Your connection with the little guy must be scrambled." He flexed the fingers of his other hand. "Gonna call Take-Mikazuchi again in a bit."
"It hurts," Naoto blurted without thinking. "I – I can't hear him and my head – it's so hard to _think_, Kanji-kun, and if I can't think I don't know what I can do to get us out of—" She grit her teeth, forcing herself to stop, and took a deep breath. She was being over-emotional. A symptom of concussion, she vaguely remembered it from her mental list, but she should still be able to control—
"Hey, hey. We gotta keep it together," Kanji soothed. "And I - kinda know what you mean, I think." He let out a slow, unsteady breath. "I wanna _kick_ myself for being such a dead weight right now."
"Y-You can't." Naoto had closed her eyes at some point, her head tipped back against the rubble behind them. "Your leg's broken."
Kanji made an unusual sound at that: something halfway between a laugh and a sigh. "Yeah. I'd noticed. Shit, feels like the thing's on fire."
"Do you have any healing items?"
That, for some reason, prompted another sigh. "No. They broke. I-I told you that." A pause. "Anyway...I got nothin'."
Dizziness rolled over Naoto, seeming to tip the room at sharp angles. Kanji was saying something else, now, and she opened her eyes to orientate herself. It didn't work. Her vision dissolved in a slick, swirling wash of red and black – blurring, warping, then plunging to darkness.
* * *
Naoto woke with her head pounding and her skin cool and damp. There were arms wrapped around her from behind, gripping tight. Someone was talking; their voice was low, hoarse, and oddly comforting.
"...keep callin' Take-Mikazuchi, been tryin' to think of something else I can do - but I got nothing. Bonehead, right?"
Kanji. Kanji was holding her.
The flash of indignation flared out in an instant. Too tired. Even opening her eyes was impossible. But when had she fallen asleep? _Where_ had she fallen asleep? The air smelled like dust and blood; her mouth seemed to taste of it. Her head was spinning and her body felt light enough to follow, as if only Kanji's grip tethered her to the ground. Naoto tried to relax into his hold, swallowing down a sudden rush of nausea.
Dust. Blood. Where _were_ they?
"Tried t'carry you, but my leg's hosed." A sigh. Held so tightly, she could feel the movement. "We pretty much collapsed. That's why I'm – y'know. Why I've got hold of you. I wasn't being weird or anythin'," he added, all in a rush. "Just...thought it'd be pretty crappy leaving you on the floor. Y'didn't even wake up, though. Hope I didn't bang your head up worse."
His leg. He'd been injured. The thought connected briefly, a small spark in the fog – Kanji telling her to leave him behind, the instant, visceral frustration and exasperation she'd felt at the suggestion – then faltered. How and why. Naoto knew neither.
"...last night. What I said." Kanji was still talking. She'd been trying to listen, but her mind kept drifting. "Ranting over you and Souji-senpai. Shit, I railed at you for thinking I was dumb an' now I can't even figure out how t'get us outta here. Rise ain't answering and I got no clue what happened to Senpai."
...They were somewhere he didn't want to be. Somewhere dangerous? She needed to get him to safety, just as she'd helped him before, just as she would again and again, but her limbs felt like lead. They would have to wait for help from the others – help Naoto was increasingly convinced would never arrive. Racking her fractured memories, she recalled Senpai had been focused on something – someone? – at the top of this place, while Rise had been fighting something else outside it, and might have already fled.
They'd all left her behind – and Naoto _knew_, with more certainty than she'd ever felt, that Kanji would be next.
"D-Don't go." She hadn't planned on speaking. Her voice sounded strange to her ears: small, desperate, and far too much like her Shadow. "Everyone always..._please_ don't..."
"I-I'm not going anywhere, man, I can barely frickin' move." Then quieter, gentler: "Just - calm down, yeah?" Her ears were still ringing, so Naoto didn't quite catch what he mumbled next – something about not realizing she was awake? – but after that, she felt him hold her against him a little more tightly. The angle of his grip was awkward, making it slightly uncomfortable, but she found herself too tired to object. He hadn't left. Not yet. That was what mattered.
"No way would I leave you, even if could," he said, quietly. "You were too damn stubborn t'leave _me_ behind, least I can do is repay the favour."
His breathing sounded labored, as if he were hissing through clenched teeth. Static, white noise - a television flickering at midnight as the rain rattled against the windows. They were here because of that, weren't they? Here to stop someone. Here to stop – who?
"Souji-senpai ain't abandoned us either, and Rise'll hear us eventually," Kanji was saying, the shake in his voice still audible. Something brushed against the back of her head, but the sensation disappeared a moment later. "We've...just gotta keep trying."
Naoto had too many questions - why they'd ended up here, where here was, who they were supposed to stop - but her lips refused to form around the words. It might've panicked her, normally, but the world felt airless and sluggish; as if she were slowly sinking into deep water.
"—out again, ain't you." Another, heavier sigh. "Naoto – I can't promise we'll be okay, but I can promise I ain't leaving you. You – y-you're...important to me. _Really_ important." He paused. "Figure I might as well say that, if we're gonna—well, yeah."
Important? Why was she—
She would've dwelt on the statement longer, but Kanji was already talking again, words bubbling under the ocean. Naoto tried to listen, but found herself sinking deeper and deeper until his voice was too faint to hear.
She might have passed out again. Unlikely, since her head was still throbbing, but it was hard to be sure of anything in this odd half-state, aware only of pain and discomfort. At some point, she could sense Kanji's arms around her, too – but it wasn't until an indeterminate period of time later that, as if being hauled back through the water's surface, she was suddenly able to hear his voice.
"—evoking a bunch, like you told me. Bet the big guy's pissed off I keep calling him up for nothin'. Have to let him take it out on Adachi later, Ziodyne that bastard into the ground."
_Adachi_.
Naoto's eyes flew open. The room blurred in and out of focus; rubble and debris sharpening into view in the dim red light, then dissolving back into the darkness. "Adachi, we - we have to stop him, Kanji, we don't –" – the end of the year, Shadows pouring into Inaba, Naoto could _see_ it, so clearly that she wondered if it had already happened - "—we don't have much time. We don't – I-I don't understand, why aren't we—"
"Whoa, take it easy," Kanji eased. "You back with it?"
Nothing made _sense_. Adachi was here, wasn't he? Why hadn't they stopped him? Had he been the one to injure Kanji? Why couldn't she remember? She tried to tilt back her head – it _hurt_, why did it hurt? – and blinked up at Kanji's face, reversed. "I-I don't know," she managed, through what felt like a coating of gravel in her mouth.
"Quit falling asleep, alright?" He pulled her slightly closer, careful to keep her away from his injured leg. "Keep talking to me instead. Gonna get lonely otherwise."
"K-Kanji-kun, what happened? Where _are_ we?"
"You've asked me that twice already, man." Kanji took a deep, shuddering breath. "We're in Adachi's part of the TV world. A Reaper blew the floor out from under us an' we fell. Souji-senpai's still up there somewhere with Ted...an' Rise and the other senpai are prob'ly fighting the same Reaper. And like I said, when we find Adachi I'm gonna Ziod—" He stopped short, then added, sounding almost curious, "Hold on."
An instant later, something glowed blue in Naoto's peripheral vision. The light made her head hurt even more, so she closed her eyes – just in time to guard against a sudden blast of dust. When she cracked her eyes open, Take-Mikazuchi was back in the room, still towering beyond the ceiling.
"Different drill this time, big guy," Kanji told him. "See the gap in the floor above you? Toss a Maziodyne through it."
Fogged as her mind was, it struck Naoto that Kanji didn't _need_ to talk out loud to Take-Mikazuchi. He might be doing it as a way to focus, or as some source of comfort. Considering the latter, she wished more than ever that she could still hear Sukuna-Hikona. She closed her eyes in an attempt to scour her mind for some sign of his presence. Again, nothing. The lightheadedness made it too taxing to concentrate for more than a few moments – and when Take-Mikazuchi fired off his first bolt of lightning, she screwed her eyes shut.
"If this don't get someone's attention, nothin' will," Kanji said. "Gonna keep firing them off till Rise or Ted hear us. Senpai'll just have to stump up to that money-grabbing fox."
Naoto wasn't sure exactly how many electricity spells Take-Mikazuchi used. She thought she counted three, maybe four separate searing bursts of light through her closed eyes, before a voice came from high above. A familiar, very indignant voice.
"Ack! Hold it off, Kanji-chan!"
"_Kanji-chan_?" Kanji muttered, then lifted his head. "Shit, Ted! You up there?"
"Yep." Souji's voice, distant but characteristically calming. "Despite almost taking a Maziodyne to the face, we're _both_ here."
Kanji had started saying something else – speaking to Naoto rather than Souji, from what she could make out – but she'd begun to drift back out again and managed only a meaningless murmur in response. There were more voices, back and forth and bubbling for what felt like hours, even days; it was impossible to tell. The next thing she was aware of, some uncertain length of time later, was a sensation of being lifted upward – not just into someone's arms, but higher, up an entire floor.
Her eyes flickered open. Head still throbbing, it took several moments for her to realize she was cupped in Take-Mikazuchi's hands. The Persona seemed solid now, though static occasionally crackled along his fingers.
"Naoto?" Souji said, somewhere higher up. "If you're awake, grab Izanagi's spear, all right? If not...I guess we'll think of something."
Izanagi spiraled into the air above her a moment later, the red-tinged light glinting off his metal mask. He held out his naginata toward her, handle first – and being just conscious enough to obey instructions, if not understand why they'd been given, Naoto latched on. She worried dimly that the naginata would slip from her grasp, but the wrappings around the handle were coarse enough for her to gain purchase.
She still hadn't understood what the two Personas and their owners were trying to do until Izanagi raised the naginata. It swung up through the jagged hole in the floor above, Naoto moving with it – but her arms were tired, she'd had to close her eyes to stop everything swirling and shaking, and she couldn't keep hold of-
"Now, Ted!"
A pair of arms grabbed her from behind and pulled her off the naginata. "Got you!"
"Remember, Ted," Souji said, somewhere nearby, "Naoto-kun might be a little out of it, but she'll still know exactly what you did and where your hands went."
"Teddie's a _gentleman_, Sensei. Gentlebear. Bear-y gentle." True to his word, Teddie was carefully carrying her away from the gap, or so Naoto presumed. "C'mon, Nao-chan. Kanji-chan's next and I don't know how I'm going to lift _him_."
Once Teddie had placed her on the floor, Naoto quickly drifted out again. She was aware of voices, this time: Souji shouting instructions to Kanji, Kanji cursing with pain, Teddie asking Kanji exactly how much he'd eaten lately, but it was hard to pay attention for long. Exhaustion gnawed at her, making it impossible to open her eyes. Some time later, she heard Teddie's voice, now much closer - "Everything'll be fine, Nao-chan, just hold still a second!" – and a cool wave crested over her. It seemed to wash the fog from her head, the bone-deep tiredness with it, and her eyes opened onto Teddie's grinning face.
"Great! You're awake!" he said. "I've got to help Kanji-chan now, but take it easy, okay?" With that he disappeared from her view, only to be replaced by Souji. Naoto quickly sat up, and immediately wished she hadn't.
Souji crouched down beside her and eyed her carefully. "How are you feeling?"
_About to be violently ill _was the most appropriate answer. Naoto opted for silence, at least until the room stopped tipping and tilting.
"Thought so," Souji said. "Just relax. From what Kanji said, you must've taken one hell of a blow to the head."
"I – I think so," Naoto managed. "It's – difficult to remember."
"No wonder. I'm just glad you were awake enough to grab the naginata. My only other idea was to poke it through your jacket and haul you up," Souji joked. He scrubbed at his face, and Naoto noticed his shoulders were slumped with tiredness.
"Are you alright?" she asked.
He paused, then smiled. It looked feeble at best. "Yeah. That summon just took it out of me. It's – really hard to hold on to Izanagi for long now, particularly without him flickering out. I don't know how Kanji handled that _and_ a bust leg."
_Kanji_. Naoto turned her head and saw both him and Teddie on the other side of the room. Kanji was propped up on his elbows, face visibly tensed against the pain, while Teddie studied his leg with a look of intense concentration. Kamui was behind them, the blue glow of his healing magic enveloping all three. She only watched for a few seconds, but it was long enough for Kanji to glance over, catch her eye, and immediately look away again.
She turned back to Souji. "He didn't leave," she blurted. "You didn't either."
Souji looked at her, grey eyes intent. "I couldn't."
Though her thoughts were clearer, her head still pulsated with pain. Naoto kneaded her knuckles against her forehead – unwittingly catching Souji's attention as she did.
"Our healing magic still isn't working as well as it should, is it." It didn't sound like a question. "I'm not convinced a Diaharan will completely cure a concussion, even at the best of times." He glanced over at Kanji. "Or a potential fracture, for that matter."
"I'll be fine," Naoto said. She stood slowly, in an effort to calm the nausea still itching at her throat. "What about Rise? And the other senpai?"
"Before we went searching for you and Kanji, we took a look outside. No sign of them - but I did briefly make contact with Rise. I just couldn't make anything out. I don't know where they are," Souji explained, his voice rising slightly on the last sentence. "We've got to track them down as soon as you and Kanji are fit to move. Speaking of which..."
Across the room, Kamui had vanished, and Teddie was trying unsuccessfully to pull Kanji up from the floor. In the end, Kanji pushed himself up – though gingerly, and without putting much weight on his injured leg. Though he was clearly attempting to hide his limp, his walk toward Naoto and Souji was more of a hobble. In his left hand, he was clasping her very dusty-looking cap.
He clapped Souji on the shoulder. "Thanks for helping us out, Senpai. You really saved our asses."
Souji shrugged. "Hey, it was your idea to use our Personas like that. You deserve the credit."
Kanji's cheeks tinged pink, and his hand moved to the back of his neck. It wasn't surprising, Naoto thought. Praise seemed to hold so much more meaning when given by Senpai.
"Did you defeat the Reaper?" she asked, though the prospect seemed unlikely.
"Never came after us," Souji said, expression darkening. "I'm guessing it blew a hole in the side of the building and went outside after the others."
Kanji's brow furrowed. "Huh. Then why'd you take so long to find us?"
It was a question even blunter than Naoto might've managed. Souji's expression shifted to a troubled, discomfited frown. "I –" he started, then paused and shook his head. "I was...going to confront Adachi. I dragged Ted all the way to the top of the building. But when I got there, I...realized I couldn't."
"Couldn't abandon us," Naoto asked, keeping her voice as neutral as she could, "or couldn't defeat him alone?"
The answer was instantaneous. "Both."
Naoto wanted to believe that was true. Looking at Souji now – gaze steady and intense, shoulders set firm - she felt it really could be. She'd thought she had reason to doubt Senpai, cause to believe he might no longer value the team's companionship and abilities, but had that really been fair given all he'd been through over the past month?
There was a beat of silence before Kanji finally spoke. "Well, s'good you didn't bail out on us."
"Sensei's better than that!" Teddie had most likely been going for confident affirmation, but ended up sounding flush with relief.
"Thanks, Ted – but I didn't know if I was," Souji said in a low voice. "Remember I said I wished I could do all this alone? A big part of that was selfishness, not wanting to have to think about all of you. Being able to do what I wanted." He closed his eyes for a moment, eyebrows angled in a slight frown. "But...I also don't want anyone else dragged into something I should be able to do myself. Something I _have_ to do myself."
Kanji grabbed his shoulder, more roughly this time. "No, you _don't_. Remember that, Senpai. It's important. Ted, Naoto, back me up here."
"Of course," Naoto said absently, her mind turning cautious circles around the word 'important'. Hadn't Kanji said something else was important earlier? No, it'd been _someone_. No, it'd been—
_Oh._
"You've gone even paler, Nao-chan," Teddie piped up. "Want me to catch you if you pass out?"
"Ain't you manhandled her enough today?" Kanji snapped.
"_Bear_handled, Kanji-chan."
"I-I'm fine," Naoto stammered, quickly taking her cap from Kanji and swiping off the worst of the dust. "I, um, think we should find Rise and the others. Quickly."
"Agreed." Souji tipped his head toward a set of double-doors at the far end of the room. "Let's head out."
He and Teddie had located Kanji and Naoto through the hole in the ground floor, making it easy for the group to find their way out of the hospital. It was a little slower than normal, owing to the after effects of Kanji's leg injury, but eventually they left through the blood-stained lobby doors. Outside the building, Rise and the senpai were, as Souji had said, nowhere to be found. Instead there was a single, black and red portal in the hospital wall, slightly to the right of the entrance.
"Whassat?" Kanji asked.
"A Goho-M, but I'll explain later," Souji said. "We need to find the others."
At Senpai's instruction they began walking back through the shopping district, carefully listening for Rise at each step. It wasn't until they were outside the remains of Aiya that any of them finally heard her voice.
_"Everyone, I – can hear this – left from the garage – house – Reaper is nearby! We need –"_
The Reaper must have found them again. Souji visibly paled. "...We have to help them," he muttered, and started running.
Teddie took off after him, and Naoto followed. She'd made it as far as Daidara's when she realized Kanji was trailing behind. Should she slow her pace?
...No. Rise and the senpai were in dire need of assistance. Besides, Kanji would only take the gesture as pity. Naoto increased her speed, soon passing Teddie and quickly catching up to Souji. They made a sharp left turn at the ruins of the Moel garage, into a barren, unfinished-looking landscape: nothing more than dirt and red rocks. They'd been running several minutes – Naoto beginning to wonder if they'd interpreted Rise's message correctly – when a set of low buildings finally came into view. As they ran closer, she recognized the ruined shells as houses, similar to many across Inaba's residential districts.
Then she spotted a flash of movement between the buildings.
Naoto, Souji, and Teddie all skidded to a halt ten metres short of the cluster of houses. As she scanned for signs of motion, she glanced at Souji, who was staring at the middle half-wrecked building. Confused, she followed his gaze. Where the interiors of the other houses were identical, with plain white walls and no discernible rooms, this one was intricately detailed – and horribly familiar. Naoto had spent enough time in the real-world counterpart to recognize the layout of the living room and the style of the kitchen fittings; if she were closer, she knew she'd spot the ash burns on the sofa from Dojima's cigarettes.
"Why would—" Souji began, little more than a whisper, then shook his head. "Come on. The others have to be—"
A blast blew through the remaining wall of one of the other houses. Splintered wood and plaster showered down, the building's roof collapsing with it, and behind the wreckage the Reaper came into view.
Souji had already evoked, Izanagi materializing into the air - flickering slightly, but with his naginata held at the ready. The Reaper fired off another shot that missed Izanagi completely and blasted another house apart instead. Looking closely, the Shadow seemed to be shimmering itself, as if on the verge of dissolving into static, and trails of thick black liquid were oozing down from the single eye-hole in its blood-stained mask. Chie and the others must have already dealt it significant damage, Naoto realized – meaning the rest of them were in with a chance.
Up ahead, Izanagi made his first attack – a wide swing that knocked one of the Reaper's long-barreled revolvers out of its hand. It slammed the side of its remaining gun against the Persona's head, metal ringing against metal. The attack knocked Izanagi aside, but Take-Mikazuchi was close behind, lunging forward and grabbing the revolver's barrel. Kanji had caught up to them.
Naoto tossed her card into the air and fired a bullet through. "_Sukuna-Hikona!"_
Sukuna-Hikona flashed into existence and launched directly into a Vorpal Blade: zipping side to side, carving a dozen wide slashes across the Reaper's back. It was a punishing skill to use and left Naoto breathless, but did nothing to stop the grappling match over the revolver, which little by little the Reaper seemed to be winning. Take-Mikazuchi was being tugged side to side, his grip on the gun barrel gradually loosening. Naoto tried a second Vorpal Blade, this one driving her to her knees – but midway through the attack, the Reaper finally wrenched the gun from Take-Mikazuchi's grasp. It lurched backward and fired two blasts in quick succession: one hitting Take-Mikazuchi square in the chest, the other catching Sukuna-Hikona as he darted to the Shadow's left.
Izanagi must have been hit too; on her hands and knees in the dirt, Naoto dimly registered Souji yelling in pain a moment after Kanji. She felt a rush of freezing cold above her – Kamui, firing off a hail of ice shards. The Reaper recoiled, but recovered before any of them could seize the opening, gliding forward with its remaining revolver pointed at the group.
She stared up at the barrel, jaw clenched, and closed her eyes.
"_Amaterasu!_"
Instead of icy cold, Naoto now felt raw heat sear over her head – and opened her eyes to see a wave of fire strike the Reaper dead on. Suzuka Gongen dove in an instant later and drove her spear through the Reaper's chest, then swung it up and over her head in a wide semi-circle, slamming the Shadow into the ground. Jiraiya was there before it could stand up, flickering and static-y but still able to blast out a powerful Garudyne.
Unfortunately, the wind billowed under the Reaper's robe and helped to lift it upright. Yosuke's loud and unrepeatable response was almost immediately lost in a second roar of flame. Amaterasu - as solid and strong as Suzuka Gongen and Kamui - swept in from behind, the blades on her wings fanned out, and launched another Agidyne spear at the Reaper's head. As the fire sizzled through its cloth mask, it howled with what sounded like pain – and Take-Mikazuchi appeared from nowhere, grappling for the gun a second time.
Naoto evoked even before bothering to stand. Sukuna-Hikona rocketed through the air toward Shadow and Persona, curved around Take-Mikazuchi's back, and impaled his glowing sword straight into the Reaper's single visible eye.
This time, the howl was closer to a high-pitched scream. With blood and dark slime streaming from its eye, the Reaper lost its grip on the revolver and collapsed backward. Suzuka Gongen was at its side before it could hit the ground, grabbing the chains wrapped around its torso and swinging it into the wreckage of a nearby house. The Reaper crashed through the scorched wood and plaster, slammed into the dirt– and didn't move.
Izanagi fired off a final, seemingly superfluous Ziodyne. Electricity crackled over the Reaper's prone form, but there was neither any movement nor sound of pain. Moments later, the Shadow began to melt into a broad, bubbling puddle of black ooze that coated the plain white walls of the ruined house and spread across the ground.
A stunned, exhausted silence fell. Fortunately, it wasn't long before Kanji broke it. "...Holy crap."
"I'll say!" Chie shook her head. "You wouldn't believe what it took to outrun that thing! We had to hide out in Souji's house - or this copy of his house, or whatever."
"Where's Rise?" Souji cut in.
"...Right here, Senpai." Rise was stumbling out of the shell of the Dojima residence, one arm slung over Yukiko's shoulders. Looking closely, her school shirt was stained dark and torn across the stomach. "I – kinda took a hit from that Reaper."
"More than that," Yukiko said, quietly. "And our healing magic doesn't—"
"Work as well as it should. I know." Souji stepped toward Rise, and slid in to take Yukiko's place as her support. "What happened?"
Rise managed a weak, breathless chuckle. "I guess I can't run as fast as the senpai. I'll have to put more effort into gym class."
"Then Hanamura was clumsy enough to get zapped helping her up," Chie said, with a pointed glare at Yosuke. "Yukiko and me were able to deal that Reaper thing a few heavy hits, but in the end we had to haul both of those two over here and hide."
"We were worried that using Diaharan would get the Reaper's attention again," Yukiko added, "but we didn't really have a choice. Especially not with Rise."
Rise shrugged, though the motion was awkward and stiff. "Like I said before, I watch you guys get hurt all the time. I figure it's my turn."
"And I told you, don't say that," Souji scolded. "That's _not_ how it works."
"So, anyway, where were you guys?" asked Yosuke. "Did you find Adachi?"
"Yes and no." Souji reached across and absently brushed a lock of Rise's hair from her face. "Ted and I found him at the top of the hospital, we think, but we didn't approach."
Kanji grumbled under his breath, rolling his shoulders. "Guess we've gotta work our way back up that creepy damn building."
"Your fearless leader isn't _completely_ stupid." Souji gave a small, half-smile. "I used a Goho-M, but didn't enter the portal. The entrance is right outside the hospital."
"Will that work here?" Naoto asked. Adachi had previously proved able to control their ability to teleport, to the extent that Teddie hadn't been able to make a portal directly back to the main lot. A Goho-M employed teleportation within the _same_ place, true, but if they stepped inside that portal near the hospital, who knew where Adachi might send them?
"It's worth a try - especially if the alternative is finding another Reaper." Souji glanced at Chie and Yukiko in turn. "And thanks, you two. You as well, Yosuke. We wouldn't have been able to take down that first Reaper without your help."
"I just helped the stupid thing stand up," Yosuke grumbled. "All that effort calling Jiraiya, too."
Chie's brow furrowed with confusion. "Huh. It was pretty easy to summon Suzuka Gongen."
"I had no problems with Amaterasu either," Yukiko said.
The common factor was obvious. "Your Personas recently evolved," Naoto pointed out. "The limited evidence available suggests that the disruption afflicting the rest of our Personas does not apply to yours. Teddie, was Kamui equally easy for you to summon?"
"Yep. He's louder now, too. I can hear him way clearer than I could Kintoki-Douji."
Yosuke sighed, blowing his fringe from his forehead. "Okay...fancy new Personas are the way to go. So why don't the rest of us have them?"
At that, Souji visibly tensed. "It's complicated," he eventually said. "I'll – try to explain later." He lifted his head, and looked at each of the team in turn. "Right now, we need to decide whether to tackle Adachi, or go back out."
"What do _you_ want to do?" Yosuke asked, simply.
There was a beat of silence before Souji spoke. He sounded apologetic yet resigned, a strange tone to hear in his voice. "...I want to go get the bastard."
Yosuke gave a single, firm nod. "Then I'm following."
"A Sensei needs his Teddie!" Teddie chimed in. "I'll be right at your side, okay?"
Naoto took a deep breath. "The Goho-M will expire by the time we return," she said, preferring to select one of her more logical reasons. "I will therefore accompany you."
"Are you sure? You were badly hurt earlier. I'd understand if you'd rather go back," Souji told her, clearly trying to look like he would. "Same goes for you, Rise and Kanji. I _know_ this is risky, and I don't want to push any of you into it."
Rise carefully pushed herself away from Souji (looking a little regretful as she did). "I'm with you, Senpai."
"Ditto," added Kanji. "Remember what I said before? You _ain't_ doing this alone."
Important. Kanji had said _that_ before, too. Naoto tugged down the brim of her cap, hoping that and the dim light would hide the flush she could feel creeping over her face.
...He'd been 'important' enough for her to jump in a television to pursue. Something Naoto had been trying very hard not to think about, along with—
"And if the rest of you are all going, no way am I gonna miss it!" Chie punched a fist into her palm, and Yukiko nodded beside her. "We'll pummel that big jerk!"
This time, the silence stretched out far longer: all of them looking expectantly to Souji, as his gaze traveled over each of them in turn. It was too long, to the point where even Naoto, accustomed to quiet, wanted to break it – and Souji's expression was strange too. More tranquil than she'd seen in weeks, yet slightly wide-eyed with it, as if he'd reached some final realization. At last, he straightened his back, shrugged his shoulders, and said, softly, "Thanks, guys."
"Aw, isn't that _touching_?"
The team glanced up as one. Adachi stood in the wreckage of the Dojimas' house, empty-eyed and wearing a grin so wide it threatened to split his face in two.
"Don't listen to him," Rise said. "He's not really here."
Souji gave a slow nod. "A fake. Just like this house, just like the hospital." He leveled Adachi with an icy glare. "Just like you."
"Oh, don't _sulk. _What else am I meant to do while I wait for you guys?" Adachi said, rolling his shoulders in an elaborate shrug that grated against Naoto's nerves. It looked helpless, humorous; too much like something the old Adachi would've done, back when he was just a bumbling junior detective. "I thought you'd like that Reaper, but I didn't expect you'd spend so long letting it kick your asses."
"Don't worry, asshole," Yosuke spat. "We'll be right up there."
Adachi's expression shifted, then - from the grin that verged on a sneer to something harder to read: an odd mix of impatience and resignation. "Then hurry up, kids. I don't have forever. Neither does Inaba."
He vanished on the final word. The team stood in silence, even after the echo of his voice had faded, until Souji turned away from the wrecked houses.
He glanced at the group over his shoulder. "Everyone heal up, best you can. It's time to give him what he wants."
40. Chapter 29
_A/N: Very long chapter. Sorry. Next story I write will need 500 word chapters, I think._
_Story so far: The team took down the Reaper, and a concussed Naoto heard rather more from Kanji than she would've expected._
_In this part: An epic battle with a god, a mundane quarrel with some cops, and an eventful Christmas Eve not-quite-date._
* * *
Souji hadn't been exaggerating about how far he'd made it up the hospital. Judging by the view from the shattered windows, the Goho-M had taken them to the top of the building. A pristine white door was set in the bloodied wall opposite the portal, with tatters of yellow police tape hanging from its frame.
"Adachi's in there," Rise said, almost immediately after exiting the portal. "Not a fake, _really_ in there."
"Thought so." Souji glanced over his shoulder at the group. "Count of three?"
They'd trained up for days. They'd fought the Reaper. Souji had even had the foresight to bring a leaf from the fox, which they'd used before heading back to the Goho-M portal. The only problem was their Personas. Take-Mikazuchi, Jiraiya, Sukuna-Hikona, Himiko, even Izanagi – all five of them were weakened, maybe by this place, maybe by the fog. And most worryingly of all, Izanagi was the only Persona Souji could summon.
But what could they do about that other than beat down Adachi? It was the only hope they had. Kanji's grim nod came in unison with the rest of the team, and Souji turned back to the door.
"One, two..._three_!"
The door slammed open under his kick, and the team burst through into a clean and sterile-looking hospital room; the type that set Kanji's teeth on edge and made his stomach start swirling. White walls, white floor, white ceiling, even white sheets on the bed in the centre of the otherwise-empty space. Adachi sat on one side of the bed, leaning forward with his elbows resting on the metal frame. He didn't bother to look up.
"About time," he muttered. His gaze was fixed on the shape under the sheets. The outline looked like a person, only smaller, as if it was a little kid.
...Wait a sec.
"Don't act like you ever cared about her," Yosuke snapped, with an angry swipe toward the bed. "You _knew_ she'd be taken!"
Souji said nothing. Just stared at Adachi, hands gripping the hilt of his sword so tightly that his knuckles had turned porcelain-white.
Adachi quirked an eyebrow at Yosuke. "Throwing another tantrum, Hanamura? Didn't you do enough of that back in Namatame's room?" he asked - and, at Yosuke's stammered half-denial, broke into a wide and vicious grin. "What, you thought I didn't overhear? Like I'd miss quality entertainment!"
Naoto stepped forward. "Allow me to confirm the crimes you've committed thus far—"
"Speaking of temper tantrums! Thought you'd bit it for a while, Shirogane. How'd it feel, relying on an idiot like Tatsumi to make sure you didn't stumble off into a wall?"
She kept his pistol trained on him as she spoke, voice level and cool. "As I was saying. You suspected this world was dangerous, yet you threw Mayumi Yamano into the TV. Knowing full well she died here, you then did the same to Saki Konishi."
"All of which I told you already." Adachi laughed; a humorless bark. "Nothing better than a pushy little bitch who loves the sound of her own voice."
With everything he'd done and with everything she represented, it was obvious Adachi hated Naoto - but something in the way he spoke down to her riled Kanji up more than he could stand. "Shut the hell up! Nobody gives a shit what you—"
"Not only that," Naoto cut in, calmly as ever and as if Kanji hadn't spoken, "but you duped Namatame into taking over your murder attempts and when the disappeared stopped dying, you sent a warning letter to ensure more victims. Even when a copycat killer emerged, you had the gall as a detective to attempt to eliminate a suspect."
"Oh, don't get prissy. Like being a detective means a damn thing," Adachi said. "There's plenty of assholes on the force who applied just so they could legally carry a gun – just like me." His grin stretched wider, now verging on a sneer. "You of all people oughta know _that_."
"Two people died in the last six months and a young girl is in critical condition, thanks to you," Naoto said, her voice turning quieter at the mention of Nanako – Adachi's grin dropping at the same time. "All for some foolish 'excitement' - a criminal reveling in the chaos he creates." She tilted her head. "Does that cover it?"
"Shut up," Adachi snapped. "You don't even have a _point_. All I did was put people in here." His gaze drifted to the sheets, and the small figure hidden underneath. "And I never touched _her_."
"But you would've," Souji said, voice quiet.
"Look, Yamano was a lying, cheating bitch. Konishi was a snobby little schoolgirl. And while I'm at it, _you_," – and here Adachi pointed at Yukiko – "were just as stuck-up. Wouldn't even stop for a proper police interview, remember?"
Yukiko's eyes widened as she recoiled. "N-No, I - I remember the police swarming the inn, but not you asking—"
"Didn't think so. You're all the same - worthless bitches," he spat. "Not like Nanako-chan. I wouldn't have thrown _her_ in."
Souji slowly shook his head. "You looked after her. You ate with us at my uncle's house. And then you let Namatame kidnap her, take her inside that other world, and for what? Entertainment?"
"So _what_ if I let her get taken?" Adachi's hands snared tightly around the metal railing of the bed. "She was going to be so much better off, Seta, I know that for certain now."
"That's crazy!" Teddie protested. "How would Nana-chan be better off in here?"
"Because the world outside is full of shit. The only way to survive is to be born with the magic ticket called 'talent', and if you aren't, and you realize that...all you have left is despair. Emptiness. The ultimate game over." Adachi's expression had turned deadly serious, all the spite and superiority gone completely. "Why would you ever put your precious Nanako through that?"
"She'll know, one day," Souji said, simply. "She'll know _exactly_ what you did."
The chair clattered to the tiled floor as Adachi leapt to his feet, expression a full-on snarl. He raised his free hand, clicked his fingers once – and the world shifted.
It happened so quickly, Kanji barely had time to register the change: the white walls melting into nothing, the ceiling bursting open into swirling red and black, the spotless floor cracking and reforming into dirty rubble beneath his feet. They weren't _in_ the building now, but on top of it, six floors or more above Adachi's screwed-up version of Inaba. And behind Adachi himself floated a bloodied, twisted Izanagi. That was why it'd looked so familiar before, Kanji realized - but why would this asshole have the same Persona as Souji?
"The hell do you think you are?" Adachi snarled. "A stupid, jumped-up teenager with his stupid, jumped-up friends. All of you piss me off! You might have hopes and dreams right now, but reality's going to shit all over them!"
Souji braced himself, sword held sideways in a guard. "Nobody ever said facing life was easy."
"No, they didn't. And you don't get anything out of trying." Adachi gestured wildly around himself, though whether at the team or at Inaba in general, Kanji couldn't tell. "When we all become Shadows, we'll still keep on living, oblivious to everything around us. How's _that_ different to the way it is now?" His voice turned quiet again, almost nonchalant. "Cutting to the chase will make things much easier for everyone."
Kanji was on the verge of responding to that, and loudly. The last person he'd have expected to get there first was Yukiko. "Speak for yourself!" she snapped. "Living's too painful for you, but you don't want to die – of course nobody's going to understand! _You're_ the one throwing the tantrum!"
Even Adachi had seemed a little surprised by her outburst, but the final line made his eyes glow a brighter yellow still. He clutched his head, his Izanagi raised its polearm - and before Kanji could respond, lightning crackled across the massive rooftop. Should've been a Ziodyne, but it felt no stronger than a Zio; a gesture, rather than a full-on attack. The team all took it, Yosuke having been quick enough to guard first, but it meant Adachi was getting _pissed_.
"Say whatever you want," he said – grinning again now, too sharp and taut to be anything but a mockery - "but people out there are still scared to death. They _want_ the fog! They _want_ the world swallowed up. It's my duty to see that they get it."
"Bullshit!" Kanji growled. "Like anyone in town wants to be turned into a Shadow!" Even the people in the street, the ones that had gotten sick from the fog, they wouldn't really want that. _Nobody_ would.
"People can't live alone," Naoto said, far quieter than Kanji, in an admission that later on he'd realize couldn't have come easily. "If you surrender and sever your ties to society, destroying it will naturally seem attractive. You refuse to face life and admit your guilt, running from your own humanity like a coward. Your twisted logic is that of an immature, egotistical brat!"
Adachi rounded on her, his face scrunched and warped with fury. Behind him, blood began to roll in thick, slow rivulets down the mask of his Izanagi. "I told you to shut up! You have no idea what kinda shit I've been through!"
Teddie tugged at Souji's arm with one paw. "Be careful! Something's happening to him!"
"I said it before - this place, the Shadows, they all favour me. There's going to be a new world, and it doesn't want any of you!"
Souji moved first. His Izanagi lunged forward, weapon stretched out, tip directed straight at Adachi's Persona – and was immediately thrown back by a wave of pure energy. Kanji braced himself, expecting to take a similar hit. Instead, there was this strange flicker, a sudden pulse through his head, and when he tried to will his card into his hand, nothing happened.
He glanced around. Souji's Izanagi was flickering and clutching at his mask, and only Yosuke and Chie had evoked. Maybe the others hadn't been able to either. But that was fine, all good, wasn't like Adachi could silence a sheet of metal to the head, right? Kanji launched himself forward with his shield at his side, hoping to at least get a couple of good swings before the spell wore off.
Then Adachi's Izanagi raised a hand.
With Himiko silenced, there was no warning from Rise before the blast of wind caught Kanji head on, and no time to swing up his shield. Metal clanged against the floor as the gale threw him backward, far further than it should've, straight into something – someone? – and off the edge of the roof.
Oh, _shit_.
His body had just started to register the fall – his eyes screwing shut, his stomach leaping into his chest – when there was a second gust of wind. _Below_ him, this time, and gentler. Still didn't feel good, but at least it slowed him down.
He opened his eyes. Above him, Yosuke was clinging to Jiraiya's cape, and to his right, Naoto was being buoyed by the same breeze. Kanji wasn't sure which of them he'd smashed into. Probably both. He'd apologize to them later. Once his stomach had untwisted itself. He took a deep breath that ended in a swallow, and let the wind guide him to the base of the hospital.
At the bottom, Yosuke let go of Jiraiya's cape and dropped the short distance to the ground. "C'mon, we've gotta get back up there."
"Can't y'just lift us up? Fire off another Garu?"
"Sorry, Kanji. Naoto's probably tiny enough," Yosuke said, earning a simmering glare from Naoto, "but you're too much of a lug for Jiraiya to lift."
Naoto readied her pistol. "Then we go the long way. With the Reaper destroyed, it should be a straight shot."
They started for the hospital entrance. The glass doors slid open, the three of them stepped through – and Kanji's vision flashed red.
When it cleared, he was inside the lobby of Inaba Municipal Hospital: the _real_ one, white and beige and lined with empty plastic seats. Yosuke and Naoto were nowhere to be seen. And a single thought sprang to Kanji's mind: _gotta find Ma_.
...Shit, why was he thinking of...
His breath was coming faster and shallower, his pulse hammering in his throat, and he burst into a run down the nearest corridor.
...It didn't even make _sense_, why would Ma be...
The walls were stark and blank and he checked in every room he passed, looking for Ma, _knowing_ she was here somewhere. She'd been hurt, it was like before when Senpai had come with him to the hospital, only this time it was for real. The corridors were like a maze and the rooms held nothing but beds and equipment. Nobody to ask, not even any other patients, what was _with_ this place? Kanji pounded up a flight of stairs, calling out for his mother, half-limping on his still-tender leg, his heart going like a rabbit's, fast enough he swore it would burst, that he'd go out just like his old man—
Midway down another white corridor, at the junction with the next wing, he slammed to a halt.
A few meters ahead, his father smiled at him, lopsided and affectionate. "Hey, kid."
Beat-up trousers, short hair tinged with flecks of grey, fingers and shirt stained multicoloured by fabric dye. The old man looked exactly the same as when he'd—the day that he'd—
Kanji felt his fists clench at his sides. "The hell are you—"
Dad inclined his head down the corridor behind him. "Your mother's waiting. Next wing. She'll be next."
Ma going too?
Kanji's stomach lurched. "Shut up!" he roared. "She won't!"
Sighing, Dad slowly shook his head. "And I told you to be strong. Didn't listen, did ya? Kicked out, lashed out – and for what?"
Everything had hurt back then. A lot of it still did. When Dad had gone on about being strong just two days before he'd died, it'd felt like he was saying Kanji wasn't a real man, that he wasn't good enough. Who'd blame a kid for not dealing? "I – I didn't know what else to do!"
"A _real_ man would've." Years on, his father's voice still rang clear in his memory, and Kanji still swore he'd never heard it carry such contempt. "A strong man would've taken care of your mother instead of brawling with biker gangs."
His throat felt dry and knotted. "I was trying to _help_ her, dammit, they were makin' noise and I just wanted to—"
"Make everyone believe your tough guy act?" Dad rubbed at the stubble on his chin, like the conversation was boring him. "When deep down, you're just a scared little boy."
If the way he said it wasn't horribly convincing enough, Kanji's doubts took care of the rest. His chest felt as twisted as his throat now, but numb and hollow with it. "I-I'm not—"
"A boy who's made an art of hiding from himself," Dad continued. The smile had twisted into a snide grin. "No wonder you get along so well with that would-be girlfriend of yours - or should I say boyfriend?"
...Dad wouldn't know about Naoto. He wouldn't know _any_ of the stuff that'd happened since he'd died. This shit was all being pulled from Kanji's own mind, and that meant this _thing_ was too, no matter how much it looked like his old man. "You ain't real," Kanji snarled.
The illusion – not his father, not a chance – didn't flinch. "You don't want me to be," it said, level and calm. "But what I'm saying is real enough, and you know it."
Kanji screwed his eyes shut. "No, no way! My head's making you up and that bastard Adachi's yanking you out. _You ain't real_."
A hand gripped his arm tightly. "None of it is, Kanji-kun. Just wake up."
He took a deep breath – blood and dust on the air – and opened his eyes.
The hospital was back to what it'd been before: warped, twisted red and black, but recognizably part of this world. Being glad to see blood and slime trickling down the corridor walls was probably a little off, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
Naoto dropped her hand from his arm. "Are you alright?" she asked.
Kanji took a long breath, steadying himself. "Y-Yeah. Fine. Just – y'know." He turned to face her. "Fear magic, right?"
"I believe so. The illusions are...quite convincing," she said, quietly.
"No shit," Yosuke muttered. "Aerials everywhere I looked and Souji—" Then he seemed to catch himself and shook his head. "Forget it. We need to get—"
"Why the hell won't you just _die_?"
Kanji whirled around. Adachi stood down the corridor, in roughly the same place the previous illusion had been. His image kept fizzing and sputtering with static, and in the gaps between Kanji could see blood trickling down from his nose and over his lips.
"Another fabrication, I see," Naoto said, coolly. "And from your appearance, the battle must not be going as smoothly as you imagined."
"Holy crap, Shirogane, don't you _ever_ shut up?" Adachi gestured sharply toward the ceiling. "Get back to the roof. Just _try_ and take me down. Even if you do, it won't make any damn difference."
Like Naoto had said, another damn ghost. Wasn't like they could smack it down, but Kanji couldn't help raising a fist. "Get bent, asshole. We'll stop whatever you're tryin' to pull, and—"
Before he could finish the sentence, another blast of wind blew past him. The illusion shimmered then scattered, small particles of static dissolving as they hit the floor.
"Sorry," Yosuke muttered. "He was pissing me off. Let's go."
He started walking away, searching each door he passed for the stairwell, but Naoto stayed at Kanji's side. "Ready?" she asked.
Not really – but right now, he _had_ to be. For once, looking at Naoto made things a little easier. "Yeah. M'good."
Working together, it didn't take them long to find the stairs. Kanji had lost count of exactly how many flights he'd bolted up while caught in the fear spell, but it must've been at least three floors. His leg certainly felt worse for it. Fortunately, most of the invisible walls from before had gone; he guessed Adachi couldn't play stupid games when he was fighting for his life. Kanji, Naoto and Yosuke managed a steady clip through the remaining levels, weaving from stairwell to stairwell, until they finally burst through the door to the roof.
Outside, Ted was cowering on the floor, paws over his head. Chie was on her hands and knees. Rise and Yukiko were ducked behind a pile of rubble, the latter with her hand held out, desperately trying to evoke. The twisted Izanagi was flickering in and out of existence, but still had his polearm raised. And Souji – Souji was on his knees in front of Adachi, staring up the barrel of a police-issue gun.
They'd never reach him in time. Adachi would—
One shot rang out, then a second. Kanji watched Adachi stumble forward barely a half step as a bullet bored between his shoulder blades – and in almost the same instant, Souji rolled to his right, a vivid patch of red blooming over his left shoulder.
Naoto ran across the roof toward him, gun trained on Adachi at each step.
Again, Kanji tried to evoke, and this time his card flared blue in his hand. Take-Mikazuchi swung back his heavy fist and pounded Adachi's Izanagi in the chest, Jiraiya rushing up close behind and whirling out a Garudyne that tore long, bloodied strips from the twisted Persona's coat. Naoto was beside Souji, now, but he evoked before she could even help him upright. The real Izanagi lunged forward, both arms outstretched, and made a grab for his twisted counterpart's throat.
Adachi seemed to curl in on himself, clutching at his chest. He trained his gun on Souji, again – and another bullet tore through his stomach as Naoto fired a second time. He bent over further, blood spilling out onto the rooftop, and made some sort of wordless noise Kanji didn't initially catch. It took him a moment to realize it was a choking, guttering laugh.
He bolted over to Naoto and Souji, already shrugging off his school jacket as he ran. Wasn't as good as real bandages – or better yet, a Diaharan - but at least it might help stem the blood flowing from Senpai's shoulder. As he crouched down beside Souji and pressed his jacket over the wound, Naoto stood with her gun gripped in both hands, sights still trained on their target. "Stop this now, Adachi-san, or face further consequences."
Adachi grinned at her, blood bright between his teeth. "What…you gonna kill me?"
"We – we can leave here," Souji said, his jaw clenched against the pain. "Together. It – doesn't have to be this way."
The laughter this time wasn't more than a gasping chuckle. Adachi dropped to his knees. His Izanagi vanished at the same time, leaving the original grasping at empty air. "You - really...won't quit, will you?" he managed - then slowly, painfully, raised his gun to his mouth. "...Fine. Have it your way."
Souji lurched forward, almost pulling out of Kanji's grip. "Wait, don't—!"
The tip of the barrel had barely grazed Adachi's lips when he was yanked upwards, backwards, a puppet dragged up by its strings – the gun clattering uselessly against the rooftop. Black Shadows spiraled out of his form to pull and tug at his limbs, until finally he hung motionless in the air five or ten meters off the ground, his arms outstretched and eyes closed. The fog rushed back in around the rooftop, thicker and darker than ever.
Rise crept out from behind the rubble, evoking as she moved. "A-Adachi-san? Is that—I can't tell—"
Adachi's eyes snapped open: vivid, shining purple and gold. _"All humans will become Shadows, and I shall descend upon the united world as the master of order." _ Kanji knew Adachi's voice and every irritating note he'd come to hate; this was deeper, colder. Ancient. _"Both this world and yours will soon be enveloped in a fog that never lifts."_
Souji struggled to his feet, one hand holding Kanji's jacket against his shoulder. "...Who or what are you?"
_"I am Ameno-sagiri," _he said._ "One who rules the fog. One awakened by man's desires."_
"The god of fog," Naoto said. "But why—"
"Yeah, yeah. Wishes, desires, we've already heard all that," Yosuke snapped. "Whoever you are, do you really think humans are that dumb?"
_"Do or say what you will, but your world's erosion cannot be stopped." _Arms still raised, Adachi arched his back. _"It is an inevitability."_
The air seemed to shimmer, just for an instant, before a wave of fiery energy blasted out.
Kanji threw himself to the deck. There'd been no time to grab his shield again, and all he could do was grit his teeth against the scorching heat over his back. But it quickly faded, most of the pain with it, and as he uncurled himself and stood, he stared up into the fog where Adachi had been.
...Holy crap.
Whatever it was, it was _huge_. A massive, spiky sphere, taller than five of him stacked together. The surface seemed to be made up of dozens of rippling black scales, and the gaps where they joined glowed many different colours. As the fog dissipated around it the sphere seemed to open up, a flap – no, an eyelid - sliding open to reveal a chromatic eyeball beneath, the rings of the iris resembling the lens of a camera.
Oh man. This was gross. Bad enough they had to throw down with Adachi, now they had to tackle a giant glowing eyeball?
_"Everyone!"_ Rise, via Himiko. _"That thing – I think it's the source of the fog. I can feel it trying to pull this world and ours together!"_
Souji looked up at the monster. "...Why...would you want to merge the two?"
His voice was almost too low for Kanji to hear. Ameno-sagiri still answered. _"Humans tore down the walls between image and reality. This is the outcome they desire. Mankind's desires are my desires - and thus I must expand this world."_
So this thing really _was_ trying to screw up the real world. And, just like Adachi, it figured that was what people wanted. Bullshit. Kanji's first instinct was to evoke, but it hadn't attacked yet and Souji hadn't given any signal for the team to strike first, so he swiped his arm through the air instead. "Why the hell would anyone want _that_?"
Ameno-sagiri blinked down at them, slow and deliberate._ "Mankind will soon become Shadows, as they wish, and live on in the darkness of the fog. This is part of the sea of unconsciousness that exists within human hearts. A hollow forest, born from bloated desire and false imagery."_
Yukiko stepped forward. She had one arm around Chie, helping to hold her up. "Then – this place isn't simply affected by people's hearts, it actually exists inside them?"
_"Mankind abandoned its pursuit of truth, placing itself in the depth of chaos and falsehood. I bestowed power on those who could brave the hollow forest."_
Souji raised the hand on his injured side slightly, as if planning to evoke, then carefully lowered it again. "You...mean the power to enter the TV."
Wasn't like a big floating eyeball could nod, but Ameno-sagiri didn't disagree. _"Humans fear what they cannot see, and see only what they want. This is a world built on desires, viewed through a window from which one sees what one wishes to see."_
"Of course...the Midnight Channel," Naoto said. She had her gun trained on Ameno-sagiri now, for all the good it'd do. "Now I understand. The Midnight Channel we saw in Namatame's hospital room did not reflect his true intentions at all, but our own preconceptions. We _wanted_ him to be the killer."
_"The more false images one yearns for,_" Ameno-sagiri rumbled,_ "the more one stops yearning for reality. And so the forest grows on." _A pause. _"But you, I did not foresee. You not only mastered your own Shadows, but the power they held. A new and uncertain facet of mankind..."_
The lines crisscrossing the eyeball's surface glowed brighter – pulsating, now, in time with a throbbing hum of energy.
_"Is it worthy to put my trust in?" _
_"Watch out,"_ Rise started, _"I-I think it's gonna—"_
_"It must be tested."_
A brilliant, blazing burst of light.
Kanji had screwed his eyes shut but the light still seared through. The blast of energy that followed a split-second later was no surprise. Megidolaon. With no chance to guard, he was easily knocked off his feet and slammed into the floor. He lay there for several valuable seconds, jaw clenched against the pain coursing through his entire body, and heard the same hum start up again, pulsing faster and faster. Ameno-sagiri, gearing up for another Megidolaon. No way could they take it, they'd been beat up enough just from fighting—
Another flare of light through his eyelids - and at the same time, the sound of a card shattering.
There was no pain this time. Kanji forced himself into a sitting position and blinked against the spots still speckling his vision. Two meters ahead, Souji was on his knees with one hand raised, the other still clutching Kanji's jacket against his bleeding shoulder – and midway between him and Ameno-sagiri, Izanagi was holding out his weapon horizontally in both hands, trying to block the wide beam of light shooting out from the eyeball's pupil. Only it didn't look like Souji could hold it for long. He trembled with the effort, Izanagi sputtering like a match.
"We gotta help him!" Yosuke yelled, somewhere behind Kanji. Then, "Jiraiya!"
Jiraiya shot toward Izanagi in a red and white flash and threw up his arms to help block the raw energy of the Megidolaon. He immediately flared brighter, and within seconds he was a dazzling white. Like he was absorbing the spell, or couldn't block it. But if that was true, why wasn't Izanagi affected? It was too bright to make out much more than splashes of colour, but for the briefest moment, Kanji thought Jiraiya seemed to change – white and red shifting to pale blue – right before Izanagi swallowed the light completely, and Yosuke's Persona with it. As Izanagi's outline glowed the same brilliant blue as a summoned Persona card, Souji shuddered, his lips moving in a whisper, but didn't lower his hand.
Yosuke staggered back. "Ugh - what the hell just—"
_"I don't know!"_ Kanji glanced over his shoulder; Rise was shaking her head beneath her shimmering visor. _"Jiraiya's still _there_, but he's – part of Izanagi, now?"_
"Then we do the same." Naoto tossed her card into the air and fired a bullet straight through. Sukuna-Hikona rocketed through the air to Izanagi's side and hovered there, his glowing sword held out in a guard position. Again, he glowed brighter, was nearly lost in the glare within seconds – and again, he seemed to change, his head lengthening and the blue dissolving into white. The light merged with Izanagi just as before, causing the larger Persona to flare blue a second time. Naoto seemed to wince a little and lifted a hand to her head, but she stayed standing.
Colours raced across the gaps in Ameno-sagiri's scales. The beam of energy grew brighter and wider, and more ragged at the edges, like the monster was trying to ratchet up the power. Izanagi staggered back, slightly, but kept his naginata raised. Wind had started to whip across the rooftop, weaker than a Garu but enough to blow patches through the fog.
_"Guys, Izanagi's getting stronger! Try doing the same thing!"_
Well, crap. Maybe Naoto and Yosuke were on to something. Kanji summoned his card and crushed it in one fist. "Take-Mikazuchi!"
As Take-Mikazuchi lumbered forward and launched himself clumsily into the air, three more cards shattered. Kamui, Amaterasu, and Suzuka Gongen all shot to Izanagi's side. One by one, they melted into Izanagi's form, though this time their outlines and colours stayed fixed in the light. Take-Mikazuchi was different. Right before the light consumed him, the Persona's dark black form flashed a fiery red, and Kanji felt a rush of lightning down his spine. For an instant, the bond between Persona and owner felt stronger than he could ever remember – then vanished completely with a sudden, searing flash of pain. Izanagi swallowed Take-Mikazuchi whole – Himiko too, from what Kanji could tell - and after that, the blue glow didn't fade.
Kanji glanced at Souji. He had both palms pressed against his skull, eyes screwed shut, as if struggling to handle so much energy. Shit, what if they'd done the wrong thing? Senpai was already hurt. Kanji couldn't really hear or feel Take-Mikazuchi now; it was like Souji had swallowed him up, and all the power that went with him. "Hang in there, Senpai!"
"You can do it!" Chie was still half-hanging from Yukiko's shoulder, but her voice was strong.
Yosuke ran forward and dropped to his knees at Souji's side. "Yeah, we're right here with you!"
Souji's lips pursed around a single syllable. "Per-"
"Keep going, Sensei!"
"-so-"
"Senpai, I believe in you!"
"-_na_!"
The air rippled with energy. Kanji's vision blurred blue and white, and when it cleared, Izanagi was—
No, not Izanagi. Something different. Looked like Izanagi, but his coat was pure white and his naginata was silver and gold. He seemed to radiate an almost blinding light.
In near-silhouette beneath him, Souji raised both hands, palms facing outward. The Persona moved in turn, pushing against Ameno-sagiri's bolt of white-hot energy. In a single smooth motion he spun his weapon, pointed it directly at the monstrous god, electricity crackling the length of the blade – and drove it forward.
The light flared even brighter, blazing through the fog around them. Kanji could barely make out the Megidolaon streak back toward Ameno-sagiri and strike the pupil head-on. There was a high-pitched screech, the sound of glass shattering – and when the light cleared, Ameno-sagiri's outer shell had fragmented into its scales, vivid colours racing over the eyeball inside. It plummeted to the rooftop, but rather than smashing through the concrete, it seemed to sink halfway into it, surrounded by a pool of black Shadow slime.
Izanagi, now back to normal, winked out of existence. Yosuke helped Souji to his feet as what was left of Ameno-sagiri blinked sluggishly at the team.
"_You…have proven the potential of humanity_," it rumbled. Its colours had faded to dull steel grey. "_I will lift the fog from the place you will return to_."
"Keep your word," Souji said, firmly. "Nobody really wanted what you offered."
_"Mankind's desires are my desires. And if mankind desires it, I will return at any time. I will always be watching."_
Was that supposed to be a threat? "Yeah, yeah," Kanji snapped. "And if you do, we'll be waiting."
The eyeball rolled forward once, blinked a final time. "_Farewell, children of the new potential," _it said, then sank completely into the black pool.
The wind had settled, but as Ameno-sagiri disappeared beneath the oily surface, it picked up once more. The patches in the fog around the roof grew wider and wider, till the murky grey had rolled away almost completely to reveal the pale blue sky above. Sunlight filtered down on the group. They all stared up in silence, blinking against the light.
Eventually, Yosuke looked at Souji. "Okay," he asked, slowly, "so how the hell did you do that?"
Souji took a deep, shuddering breath. "...I...have no idea?"
In a single burst, Kanji felt Take-Mikazuchi rush back into him. He caught a blue and white flash to his left - Yukiko summoning Amaterasu, he'd soon realize - and everyone present was enveloped in the warm glow of a Mediarahan, Adachi included.
Souji slowly stood up. Between his fingers he held a bullet that Amaterasu must've driven clean out of his shoulder. In silence, he walked over to Adachi, who was gradually stirring on the floor, and the rest of the team followed.
Chie hopped nervously from foot to foot, brow furrowed as she watched Adachi carefully. "You think that monster was controlling him?"
"I believe it was at least partially his own intention," Naoto said. Her pistol was lowered, but she hadn't holstered it.
Kanji was inclined to believe her. Everything Adachi had said - it was like the crap a Shadow would've spouted, meaning it came from inside him, somewhere. Meaning it was probably the truth. And if it was...
Adachi pushed himself up onto his hands and knees. Blood was still pooled beneath him, but the wounds in his stomach and chest now appeared healed. "Get…outta here. The Shadows will finish me off." He tipped his head, gaze traveling across each of the team. "You did come here to kill me, didn't you?"
It'd been tempting before. Still was. But the team had been in this to stop murders, not commit another one. They didn't _do_ that, and Kanji wasn't sure he ever could. He shook his head. "No, idiot."
"Why do you think I healed you?" Yukiko asked.
Souji stepped forward. "We're _all_ leaving," he said. Adachi stared up at him, wide-eyed, and Senpai held out his hand. "Live, and face your punishment."
* * *
As soon as they were back in the electronics department – an hour after Junes had closed, going by the blue-lit clocks on the dozens of DVD players – Naoto stepped aside to call the police. Exactly how they were going to explain this situation, Kanji had no idea. He figured either Souji or Naoto would come up with something. His attention was firmly on Adachi, who was slumped on his knees and staring at the floor, suit still stained dark red with drying blood, shoulders heaving with each heavy breath.
Two beat cops showed up within ten minutes: one skinny and balding, the other younger and well-built. The balding cop gave Kanji a surprised and very wary look, until he recognized the man in the centre of the group. "A-Adachi-san?"
Adachi lifted his head. A trail of dried blood ran from his nose to his chin. "...Yep. Here to take me away, Matsumoto-san?"
Matsumoto looked at Naoto. "Shirogane said—"
"I bet she did." Adachi raised his hands in front of him, his wrists exposed. "...Get on with it."
"There's an ambulance on the way," Naoto said, then added, quietly, "Dojima-san requested it."
The ambulance took another ten minutes to show, more than enough time for Yosuke's overworked dad to surface from the back offices, wanting to know just what the hell was going on in his store and exactly what Yosuke had to do with it. Hanamura was stuck talking his way out of trouble, same time as Naoto was still spinning some story to two newly-arrived detectives. It would, Kanji figured, be a heck of a lot easier if they could just be honest. But who'd believe them?
He wandered over to Souji, who was tapping at his phone. "Texting Dojima-san?"
"Nope, he hardly ever reads them. I'm contacting Uehara-san," Souji explained. "Apparently Naoto called Uncle too, just as Uehara-san was wrapping up her shift. She wants to know if we need any help." He looked down at the screen, lips curved in a small smile. "Nice to know some adults are on our side."
Kanji shrugged. "Better late than never."
Thankfully they didn't need a nurse. He felt – okay. Exhausted, but okay. Not like he'd felt the other times they'd rolled out the TV lately, bruised and battered. The healing this time seemed to have worked, so maybe clearing the fog had finally fixed whatever had been going on with their Personas. He still wasn't sure exactly what had been going on with that weird red version of Take-Mikazuchi, or how Souji had harnessed the big guy's power - and maybe he wouldn't find out. With the killer caught for real this time, Kanji might never need to summon his Persona again...and there was something kind of sad about that.
By the time the detectives left Naoto alone and Yosuke had temporarily bullshitted his way out of trouble with his old man, Adachi was already on his way to the hospital. The rest of the team had already retreated to a far corner of the electronics department, figuring their slightly scorched and blood-stained clothing might earn some unwanted attention.
"I am in such deep shit," Yosuke muttered, hands shoved in his jacket pockets.
Souji clapped a hand over his shoulder. "Maybe my uncle can talk to your dad later. Let's just head home."
Yosuke rubbed at his face. "Yeah. Fine. Listen, I can't go back to your place with you and Ted." He rolled his eyes. "I have to wait for Dad in the lobby."
Naoto didn't look much happier than Hanamura. As they headed down the escalators, Kanji stood on the step behind her. "Thanks," he said, leaning down. "I mean, for talking to the cops. Getting us outta trouble."
"I doubt they believed a word of it," she muttered. "Fortunately, Dojima-san had already alerted them to Adachi's culpability. Or in their eyes, _potential_ culpability."
Potential. Kanji didn't like the sound of that one bit. But they were nearing the base of the escalators, within sight of the lobby, and his attention was drawn to the glass. Thick fog should've been pressing up against it, like always.
It was clear. Ameno-sagiri had kept its word.
Up ahead, Kanji heard Yosuke whistle. "Whoa."
As one group they raced out of the lobby doors. Kanji barely noticed the blast of cold air. Outside, when he tipped back his head, he could see the streetlamps and the neon Junes sign shining overhead - and high above it all, the stars in the dark and cloudless sky.
* * *
They'd all jabbered excitedly, the girls had kept hugging each other (Naoto deftly ducking away each time), and Souji had grinned twice as wide as Kanji had ever seen and smacked both him and Yosuke on the back. Eventually, they'd calmed down enough to realize that it was both seriously late and seriously cold, and that they'd better all head home before they either froze off their asses or got them roasted by their respective families.
Teddie hadn't got the memo. "Group hug! Group hug!" he trilled, spinning wild circles through the snow, then dove toward Chie and Yukiko. "Chie-chan, Yuki-chan, we'll start! Rise-chan and Nao-chan can join in ay-es-ay-pee!"
"Fine. I'm so happy right now, I'm actually gonna let you do this," Chie said, as Ted threw his arms around her neck. Then he lunged forward, lips puckered expectantly, and she kicked him in the shins. "Ugh, I knew it!"
Yosuke tried to pull Ted away, Yukiko burst out laughing, Rise was too busy talking with Souji to notice – and Naoto was standing off to one side, staring up at the sky. Kanji wandered over to her. "We did good, right?" he said, watching her in profile.
She smiled, though she didn't look at him. "The fog's finally gone."
"Yeah. Makes tonight worth it."
"I wish everything else were solved as thoroughly."
Adachi. It still came back to that asshole in the end, everything he'd done to hurt innocent people and everything he'd put Souji's family through. And it struck Kanji then, that it could've all been settled inside the television; that Naoto had come close to settling it, the moment she'd put the first bullet in Adachi's chest.
"You shot him," Kanji said. "Adachi." Twice, in fact. But Kanji had been just as livid at the bastard, and he knew too well what effect that had. White hot anger blinding him, making him lash out at Sonoda or those thugs or whoever was trying to hurt him or the people he cared about. "I don't blame you or nothin', but would you have – you know."
"Killed him?" Naoto finished, impassive – then let out a quiet breath, a cloud in the cold air. "…I don't know. For a moment, I thought I had."
"Wouldn't have been a big loss," Kanji snorted. "But s'good that you didn't."
"He was about to murder Souji-senpai - and honestly, I was furious with him. I'd prefer to think there was no other choice…" and here, she shook her head, "…but I'm aware how good I am at lying to myself."
She seemed to catch Kanji's eye as she said it, but looked away again so quickly he assumed he'd imagined it. "You ain't alone there," he said. "Thass where all our Shadows came from. Everybody's lying to themselves about something."
Naoto adjusted the brim of her cap. "...Perhaps."
"Of course! All the girls lie about their insurmountable desire for Teddie!" Kanji whirled around to find Ted behind him, eyeing him warily. "Some of the boys, too."
"Get lost, Ted," Kanji growled.
Ted stuck out his tongue. "You just want to hog Nao-chan all to yourself." Then he nodded toward Souji and the girls, who were walking on ahead. "But anyway, Sensei says we're all going home now. Chop chop!"
He grabbed hold of Naoto's arm and, ignoring her halfhearted protests, tugged her down the street toward the group. Kanji glanced up at the sky, took a deep breath of clean, crisp air, and walked after them in long strides.
* * *
**December 23rd, 2011**
"Dude, did you seriously forget?" Yosuke stood on the doorstep of Tatsumi Textiles: arms folded, one eyebrow raised, and his head covered by the type of woolly hat that could've only been bought at Junes. "Souji texted you like an hour ago!"
"I was busy, alright?" said Kanji. That little kid by the river, Takeshi Nakagawa, had a _lot_ of cousins waiting for end-of-year gifts. He'd put in another request for stuffed toys: two rhinoceroses, a panda, and three cats. Kanji had given him the kitties and panda yesterday, but the rhinos were taking a little longer. Figuring out the horns would need extra work. Then there was the koala for Ito-san down the street, and the pink giraffes for—
"Everyone else is already ordering dinner and _I _get sent to drag you out." Yosuke rubbed his hands together and stamped his feet against the cold. "Even Dojima-san already showed. No Naoto, though, at least not when I left. Any idea where she is?"
"Hell would _I _know?"
Yosuke gave him a flat stare. "Kinda late for denial, Kanji. If I had to pick one person who paid constant attention to our pint-size detective..."
And fine, so it was sorta true, but like people needed any more reason to find Kanji creepy. He shoved past Yosuke, almost knocking him off the doorstep. "C'mon, asshat. Let's go."
The fog had cleared, but the snow was still on the ground. At least Aiya wasn't too far to walk in the cold. Also meant he wouldn't have to listen to Hanamura's smart mouth for long. And since Dojima-san was out of hospital and would be at dinner too – making it a sort of 'welcome-back-we did-it-oh-and-there's-no-more-fog' thing - Yosuke would hopefully be on his best behavior. He stayed pretty quiet as he and Kanji walked through the district, snow crunching beneath their feet. Even with the frosty weather, and though it was already dark, there were more people outside today than Kanji had seen in a long while. Maybe things were finally getting back to normal, or as normal as the district had been since Junes rolled in.
As they walked past the old shuttered-up toy shop, Yosuke spoke up. "Oh, right. Souji wanted me to tell you that you're invited to his place on Christmas Eve - unless you have better plans?" His note of curious hopefulness turned the statement into a question. One Kanji didn't particularly feel like answering.
"I'm free," he muttered.
"Figures." Yosuke shoved his hands in his pockets and huddled down against the cold. "But hey, it's not like _any_ of us have dates."
Souji Seta not having a Christmas Eve date? Yosuke had to be wrong. Then again, Souji wouldn't have invited them all over if he'd been planning to hang out with someone else. Kanji wondered whether Rise had gotten round to asking him and if she had, what Senpai had said. It seemed like they had _something_ going on between them, something more than Kanji had seen Souji show with any of his many other admirers, but it was all too tentative to name.
...Huh. Sounded familiar.
Or maybe it was all wishful thinking. Maybe Souji wasn't interested in Rise at all. Souji was so damn hard to read, like he changed from moment to moment, person to person – but the one thing Kanji had been dreading hearing was that Senpai would be spending Christmas Eve with Naoto.
Stupid thought, really. They weren't _that_ close. Were they?
But Naoto was a private person, Souji too, so maybe—
"Hold it, Tatsumi."
Kanji looked up. He and Yosuke were already outside Aiya – and facing two beat cops, one of whom he knew too well. The dick who'd argued with Naoto in the summer then hauled Kanji in after his fight with Sonoda. Kanji couldn't remember the guy's name, but he wore the same look of disdain now as he had that night. He folded his arms. "We got a tip-off saying you were threatening a little kid down by the flood plain yesterday. Taking money from him. Sound familiar?"
Threatening a kid? For money?
...Wait. Takeshi had paid him for the toys. "Oh, right. Him."
"_Dude_," Yosuke hissed.
"So you admit it." The older cop slowly shook his head. "Not a shred of remorse, either."
Hold on. Did they think—
Kanji started forward. "No, y'don't get it, I wasn't threatening him!"
"Okay, then enlighten us. What were you doing?"
_Crap_. Kanji had figured people would eventually hear or figure out exactly who made the toys, but a cop? Word would get all round the station, and any time the police wanted to get on his case it'd be the same crap. Tatsumi, the so-called tough guy who makes cute dolls. Tatsumi, the guy into girly stuff, and what was the natural conclusion from there? When he'd been arrested after brawling with Sonoda, that other cop, Kuroda, had been kind enough to leave the part about the dolls out of his report - precisely because he'd known all the shit that would go down if he didn't.
Kanji gulped. "I was – I-I mean, I—"
"Typical Tatsumi," the older cop cut in, expression cold, severe, and not the slightest bit surprised. "Bullying, starting fights, and now picking on little kids. You're coming to the station."
What was he supposed to do? Just let the assholes haul him in again, this time for something he hadn't even done, would never dream of doing? But he couldn't just bolt, that'd only make things—
"Sawaguchi-san, Ishibashi-san, is there a problem?"
It was Naoto. Kanji hadn't even seen her approaching behind the two cops. She stepped closer, hands clasped behind her back.
The older cop didn't even bother to turn around. "No need to concern yourself, Shirogane."
"It's no trouble, Sawaguchi-san. What's going on?"
"They want Kanji to come to the station," Yosuke explained. "For taking money from a kid by the river or something." He turned to Kanji with a confused frown. "I dunno, big guy, it doesn't sound like you."
"...Was this the same boy as before, on top of the hill?" Naoto asked. Kanji nodded, and she walked around the two cops and turned to face them. "Officers, I can vouch for Tatsumi's innocence. He did meet with that child, but not for the purpose of extortion. I suggest you leave him in peace."
Sawaguchi's eyes narrowed. "Shirogane, I told you, stay out of this. We heard about you and Adachi-san. That you're the reason they arrested him."
"Because he attacked me," Naoto said, calm and cool.
"So you say." Sawaguchi shrugged dismissively. "Where's the proof? Funny how there weren't any witnesses."
Witnesses? _Naoto_ had been a witness. Why would the cops think she was lying? Adachi was the one who'd been stringing them all along, start to finish. Didn't they get that?
"Adachi-san's a good guy," the younger, chubbier cop - Ishibashi - offered, a little timidly. "Kinda scattered, but decent."
Naoto straightened her back, like she wanted to seem a little taller. "I only reported what happened."
"And nobody really believes you." Sawaguchi gave a dismissive shrug. "You know that."
"Why're you giving her shit?" Kanji snapped.
For a beat of silence, Sawaguchi just stared at him. Then, "Listen here—"
"No, _you_ listen. That bastard almost killed her!" Not only Naoto, either, not by a long shot, but Kanji had no idea how to explain that. Calm debate had never been his strong point, particularly when supremely pissed off by some narrow-minded moron cop. "He ain't who you think he is, so back offa her, alright?"
"Kanji-kun." Naoto's voice was low and cautioning.
It made no difference; Kanji was in full flow. "And you wanna know why I was talking with that kid? I made dolls for his family - stuffed frickin' toys! He was giving me money for them!"
Sawaguchi's face twisted into a sneer. "Dolls? _You_ made dolls? What a load of crap. You think I was born yesterday?"
"I ain't lying. I made three cats an' a panda for his cousins," Kanji shot back, counting the dolls off on his fingers, "and there's two more due in a coupla days. Go ahead and laugh! See if I damn well care, I'm used to that crap!"
Sawaguchi stepped closer, head tilted up to stare Kanji in the eye. "Do I look like I'm laughing? I'm not gonna let some punk kid—"
The door to Aiya slid open. Dojima appeared in the doorway, one hand pressed against the frame. "Everything alright?"
Ishibashi, largely quiet until now, cut in almost immediately. "Ah...D-Dojima-san," he managed, straightening up and tucking back his shoulders. "I, uh, thought you were still in hospital?"
"Got out yesterday." Looked like it too, going by the dark circles around Dojima's eyes. "I'm taking a couple of days off before heading back to the station. Now, what's going on with Tatsumi?"
Almost reluctantly, Sawaguchi stepped away from Kanji and turned to face Dojima. "A few cases of bullying have been—"
"He didn't do it."
"But we—"
"Believe me," Dojima said, like it was the final word. He cocked an eyebrow at Sawaguchi. "Now, don't you have better things to do than bother good kids, or do I need to tell Kuroda to switch up your assignments?"
"N-No sir!" Ishibashi stammered, with a deep and clumsy bow. "Sorry, sir!"
Sawaguchi bowed too, though less enthusiastically. "That won't be necessary, sir. We'll – be right along now." Both men left in a hurry, almost scurrying away through the district toward the gas station.
Whoa. A cop – a detective, even – had just bailed Kanji out. And sure, it was Souji's uncle, but Kanji still felt like he'd made some sort of progress since May, proved himself in a way he'd never have thought possible. Didn't quite make up for blurting out one of his big secrets to a cop who hated his guts, but it was something. He turned to Dojima and mustered a grin. "Th-Thanks, Dojima-san."
"No problem. Come on inside," Dojima said, then disappeared back into Aiya. He'd left the door open a crack, probably expecting Yosuke, Naoto, and Kanji to follow.
Yosuke had other ideas. He blinked at Kanji, wide-eyed. "Dude. _Dolls_?"
"Shut your face," said Kanji, offhandedly.
Yosuke opened his mouth again, then miraculously thought better of it and quickly looked at Naoto instead. "Wait a sec, Naoto. Adachi was arrested for attacking you, but not everything else he did?"
Naoto had stayed quiet throughout most of Kanji's outburst. He assumed she hadn't been watching him the whole time like she was now, because the alternative was far too uncomfortable. "We needed a way to press charges quickly while Dojima-san and I try to find something more solid concerning the murders," she said, gaze finally shifting to Yosuke as she spoke. "He's confessed to his involvement in the murders, but in court he could plead not guilty – and with barely any proof, his lawyer would take care of the rest. There's little evidence even that he attacked me."
"They got security cameras in the station, don't they?" Kanji had been in the cop shop enough times to remember them hanging in the corridors and in the corners of the interrogation rooms.
"Ancient cameras that typically aren't loaded with tape. Cost-cutting, of course. That and generalized idleness," Naoto muttered. "Due to a departmental meeting and a sports game, there were no direct witnesses inside the station, and once we were outside the fog was too thick for anyone to observe us. No bullets were found in the parking lot, so ballistic fingerprinting isn't an option...not that I would've expected it to yield specific enough results." Her lips thinned. "There's other evidence we can pursue, but doing so is challenging when opinion is already stacked in favour of Adachi."
"Ugh. Just when I thought the cops in this town couldn't get any more usele—" Yosuke winced and glanced toward Aiya's cracked open door. "Annnd I probably shouldn't say that so close to Dojima-san. I'm going inside before I shove my foot further in my mouth."
He sidled past Kanji, pulled the door open further, and walked inside the shop. As Naoto moved to follow, Kanji laid a hand on her shoulder. "S'really that bad?" he asked.
Naoto's sigh wasn't much more than a quiet breath. "...It may improve once Dojima-san returns to the station. He's well-trusted, and his words will carry far more weight than my own." She'd been looking away, but now her eyes met Kanji's, topped by a reproving frown. "What those officers think of me is inconsequential and you're already a troublemaker in the eyes of the police. You didn't need to stand up for me."
Maybe she was right. He already had a black mark from the Inaba police force. In retrospect, it'd been kinda stupid to wade in - but Kanji had never let that stop him, especially when it came to Naoto. Besides, she'd done the same damn thing to try to get him out of trouble, even if he'd ended up telling those cops way more than he'd intended because of it. "You had my back," he told her. "I got yours too."
Naoto hesitated, still looking up at him. Just before the point where it would've gotten uncomfortable, she gave a quick nod. "...Thank you."
She hadn't smiled as she said it, but Kanji couldn't help a slightly awkward one of his own. "No worries."
* * *
**December 24th, 2011**
The snow had started falling at around six, in light flakes that whirled through the pools of light created by the shopping district's streetlamps. Kanji had occasionally glanced at it through his bedroom window as he sat at his sewing table, working on Takeshi's dolls. The non-custom ones he'd made for the shop had proved popular too: cute, inexpensive end-of-year gifts sold well. If he finished up his orders tonight, he could maybe start work on a few extras, bring a little more money in for his next proj—
…Crap. He was supposed to be at Souji's in less than an hour. He'd almost forgotten, and sort of wished he had. It might be fun to hang out with the guys, but all he could think was that he'd rather be spending Christmas Eve with someone else. Someone who was probably off working at the police station or studying at home (but apparently not spending the evening with Souji, Kanji thought, with a flood of guilty relief.)
Everything was pretty quiet outside, so he caught the sound of the shop bell ringing below. He just didn't think anything of it until Ma called out from the base of the stairs. "Kanji-chan! You have a visitor, come down!"
Visitor? Had Souji sent Yosuke over to haul Kanji out again? Guy didn't live all that nearby. Or maybe it was Rise coming to bug him out of boredom, though Kanji thought she'd mentioned going to the springs with Yukiko and Chie. He set down his sewing, then walked out of the room and down to the shop floor, wondering who else would have any reason to come see him.
Naoto hadn't made the list.
She tipped her cap, a few unmelted flakes of snow still visible on the brim. "Hello, Kanji-kun."
"What're you doin' here?" he blurted.
A hand smacked against his back. "_Kanji-chan_," Ma scolded, then turned to Naoto. "It's lovely to see you again, Naoto-kun."
"And you, Tatsumi-san. I hope you are well." Pleasantries complete, Naoto switched her gaze and attention to Kanji. It wasn't a bad feeling, but – as usual – not necessarily a good one, either. "I – was just passing by," she said, haltingly, "and thought I'd – say hello."
Behind him, he heard Ma's footsteps heading through the door to the back of the shop. "I'll be in the back, dears. Please keep an eye out for any customers, Kanji-chan."
"Yeah. Sure." Kanji hadn't bothered to look back, unwilling and unable to take his eyes off Naoto. "Uh. S'cool. Sayin' hello," he told her, trying to ignore his mental commentary of _oh hell this is awkward why does everything with Naoto have to be so awkward what am I even meant to say. _"I, uh, figured you'd be working?"
Naoto's gaze dropped. "I'd intended to. But given the currently disheartening nature of my work concerning Adachi, I-I thought it would be pleasant to see - a friend." Before Kanji's mind had time to spin pirouettes over exactly what 'friend' meant, she quickly continued. "I've also been thinking about our most recent trip inside the television. You took good care of me during my concussion. Without you, I might not have made it out."
No way. Thoughts like that were too much to stand - and he didn't even need to _have_ them, anyway, because he'd never, ever let that kind of thing happen. Kanji rolled his shoulders and ran a hand through his hair. "Like I said with those cops, we got each other covered. Out here and in there."
"Perhaps so...but I didn't acquit myself well. From what I remember, all I did was lead us in circles." Her eyes met his with a look of mild embarrassment. "I apologize for that."
He shrugged again. "You got your head smashed in, man. Surprised you remembered your own name."
She gave a small nod. There was a long pause before she took a deep breath and spoke. "There are…_other_ things I recall. Vaguely."
It'd been pretty bad getting stuck underground like that. The less she remembered, the better. Kanji frowned down at her. "Yeah?"
Naoto wasn't looking at him. Under the brim of her cap, he could glimpse what looked like a faint blush.
Uh-oh.
She straightened her back, still not looking at him, and stammered, "You – I-I heard you say I was important. Wh-What exactly did you mean?"
...Oh, _crap_. He hadn't even realized she was listening at the time, had figured she was out cold again, and even afterward he'd told himself it was fine, she'd hit her head so hard she'd never remember any of it, and—
"Kanji-kun? I want an answer."
Never mind a 'faint blush'; Kanji could feel his entire head turn the colour of a ripe pomegranate. What the hell was he supposed to tell her? "I – I –"
The next moment, and just as he seriously started to worry about choking on his own tongue, his phone buzzed in his pocket. He fumbled around and fished it out, pointedly ignoring the shake in his hand. Souji's name was on-screen, and Kanji flipped the phone open. "Y-Yo, Senpai."
_"Hey, just wanted to remind you about tonight. You're still coming over, right?"_
"I - I dunno. H-Hold on." He lowered the phone from the side of his head and forced himself to look down at Naoto. "H-Hey."
"Is...something wrong?"
"I'm, uh, s'posed to be going to Senpai's soon," he said, then realized, given the date, exactly how that might sound. "But not just me! Yosuke and Ted'll be there too!"
Naoto glanced away. She was trying to keep her expression neutral, but Kanji recognized the hint of disappointment. "Ah. I see. But—" She stopped, and the line of her shoulders stiffened. "I should be going."
"No – no. Wait." Kanji raised the phone to his ear again. "Hey, Senpai, s'alright if Naoto comes along?"
_"Uh, sure, but don't you think—"_
"Great! See ya soon." He shut the phone, slipped it back in his pocket, and shot Naoto what he hoped was a reassuring grin. "See, s'fine."
He'd figured he'd done a good thing, but she didn't look pleased. "You shouldn't have asked," she told him, frowning. "I don't wish to be an unwelcome addition."
Like anyone would consider Naoto unwelcome. Unless they were nuts. Which Souji, Yosuke and Ted totally weren't, though Kanji did tend to go back and forth on the last one. Asking her along might bite him in the ass later, when he still hadn't answered her question and had no idea whether he even should, but shit, she'd come here to see him, she'd more or less said she wanted to hang with a friend, what type of jerk would he be if he turned her away?
Yeah, this was totally the best idea. Maybe.
Kanji gave the firmest nod he could muster and said, "You stopped by to see me. It'd be a dick move to bail straight off." He ran a hand through his hair. "And I – I wanna hang out with you, y'know?"
For a second, Naoto just looked up at him, like she wanted to say something else. Like she wanted to ask him that same question all over again, Kanji thought with a sickening rush – just before she glanced away, toward the shop door. "Very well," she said. "Then we shouldn't keep Senpai and the others waiting, correct?"
* * *
The brief bus ride to Souji's place was still slightly awkward. The problem wasn't what they said, since they stuck to discussing the TV world (mostly Naoto's developing theories about where it'd come from and exactly what Ameno-sagiri's intentions had been) and Kanji's next sewing project (a scaled set of mini-Personas, complete with TV backlot diorama). It just all felt stilted, weighed down by all the stuff they weren't saying – which wasn't all that different from normal, but was made worse by Naoto's earlier question. She hadn't asked again. Kanji sure as hell wasn't going to bring it up himself either, and he was grateful when they'd reached the right stop and walked the short distance to Souji's house.
He knocked on the door, turned to glance back at Naoto, then almost fell off the step as Teddie flung the door wide open. "Kanji-chan! Nao-chan!"
Kanji flailed briefly in an effort to keep his balance. "Yo, watch it!"
From just behind the genkan, Yosuke tipped his thumb toward the interior of the house. "Hey guys. C'mon in, it's cold."
"Nao-chan, you've saved us!" Ted jumped in the air with his fists raised, almost catching both Yosuke and Souji in the face. "Our Christmas Eve sausage party isn't all sausage!"
As Naoto's cheeks flushed an impressive shade of red, Souji shot Yosuke a wide-eyed glare. "Do I even _want_ to know where he learned that?"
"Okay, Ted, back inside!" Yosuke grabbed Ted's frilly collar and yanked him back from the door. "You're missing the movie!"
While Yosuke hauled Ted back into the Dojimas' living room, Naoto shuffled awkwardly on the front step, clutching her arm across herself. "If my presence would make things awkward, then—"
Smiling down at her, Souji shook his head. "Nah. We're just watching bad movies and eating junk food." He glanced between her and Kanji, one eyebrow quirked. "Lousy Christmas Eve date, though."
"It's not a date," Kanji and Naoto shot back in unison.
Why would Senpai even _think_ that? Like Naoto would ever just walk up and ask Kanji out. Like Kanji would ever work up the guts to ask _her_, he thought dismally. It didn't help that Souji didn't look like he believed either of them one bit. "Ah. Sorry, my mistake," he said.
The next instant, as if a quick change of subject might mean Souji's question had never happened, Naoto raised the folder in her hand. It was the same one she'd been carrying when she arrived at the shop. "Um, is there somewhere quiet I could work?"
Seemed kind of weird to work at a party, but then again, this was Naoto. Souji didn't seem surprised either, and he gestured toward the stairs behind him. "My room's the only one with a desk. Upstairs, first on the right."
Naoto looked momentarily scandalized by this, but gave a quick, firm nod and a mumbled thanks before moving by Souji and disappearing up the staircase.
Naoto in Senpai's room. Just the idea rubbed Kanji up all wrong – which was petty and dumb and kind of pathetic, when all she was gonna do was sit at his fricking desk. Petty, dumb, pathetic...deep down, Kanji knew this summed up way too much about his attitude toward the relationship between her and Souji, whatever it was. He needed to talk to Senpai about it, man-to-man. Maybe tonight was right for that, he thought – then noticed Souji giving him a pointed stare.
Souji shook his head. "You didn't have to come over if you guys were—"
"No, it ain't like that!" Kanji blurted, because Senpai _still_ had the wrong idea. Naoto didn't even know Kanji liked her yet, probably wouldn't realize if he painted it on the side of Junes in six-metre-high neon characters, so the chances of them having a Christmas date? Zero. "Naoto was just – stopping by." And okay, that'd come out kind of lame, so he quickly added, "It's not that sorta Christmas Eve thing, you know?"
Souji blinked at him. "You sure?"
Pretty sure. Mostly sure. Anything else would just be wishful thinking, and liking Naoto was difficult enough without indulging in that kind of crap. "It didn't start as a date, an' I'm not gonna try and turn it into one," Kanji insisted as he kicked off his shoes and shrugged out of his coat. "And I wasn't gonna send her home by herself, Christmas Eve or not."
"You're giving Kanji waaaay too much credit, partner." Yosuke was flopped on the living rom sofa and staring listlessly at the television. "He's as dateless as the rest of us."
"Nobody in their right mind would wanna go anywhere with you," Kanji snapped. "But ain't you got plans, Souji-senpai?"
Yosuke rolled his eyes. "_Romeo's_ had three girls text him already."
"I couldn't spend today with one of them even if I wanted to," Souji said, with a quiet sigh. "I'd spend a week talking my way out of trouble with the rest."
"Easily solved!" Teddie looked up from his position on the floor: flat on his stomach and less than an arm's length from the television screen. "Tell them Sensei's one hot stud and that they'll just have to share!"
"They probably would," Yosuke grumbled, arms folded.
"Rise text you too?" Kanji asked Souji.
Again, Senpai raised an eyebrow. "That's kind of personal, Kanji."
Fair enough. Kanji had just been hoping that—well, didn't matter. Maybe Rise _had _texted Souji and he'd turned her down same as the rest. Not wanting to think about it further, Kanji sat down at the low table and tried to pay attention to the movie: some sort of weird horror-baseball mash-up. Ted kept asking questions about the plot, Yosuke and Souji were too busy making fun of it to answer, and Kanji was too distracted to follow much at all. Things didn't improve as the evening rolled on, and as Yosuke was loading the DVD for the next film – a kung-fu flick he'd probably hassled Chie into lending him - Kanji tapped Souji on the knee and nodded toward the kitchen. "Senpai, can we talk?"
Souji looked a little confused, but stood from the sofa all the same. "Sure."
They moved to the kitchen table, each of them sitting either side. Kanji was careful to wait until the DVD started playing before he spoke. "You an' Naoto," he said, in a low voice. "You like her?"
Souji didn't say anything. Which was proof enough, right?
Kanji swallowed hard. "'Cause you can tell me. I-I'll step off. I know I ain't—" He stopped, inhaled deeply, and let out a breath. "You're better. You're always gonna be better."
Wasn't a new thought, yet saying it out loud hurt way more than he'd expected. But he meant it at the same time. Souji was his senpai, one of his best friends, a stand-up guy who'd saved his life. Naoto was – Naoto, and everything that went with that. If they were gonna be together, Kanji would just have to—
Souji shook his head. "Don't say that."
"But you _are_. You're—everyone thinks you're amazin', Naoto included."
"What makes you think I'm competition?"
_You're not, not really, because I'd never stand a chance._ "You and her hang out. You spent all that time planning to take down Adachi – an' the way she _is_ around you, sometimes, it's—" The sentence ended in another hard swallow. "You know what I'm talking about, right?"
"I don't know if I…" Souji began, then hesitated. He pressed two fingers against his forehead – like he was frustrated, maybe, or just tired. "Kanji, it isn't that simple. There were things I had to do - or _be_, I guess. And sometimes, that—it made it hard to know what I wanted, or whether that even mattered. I've got three girls wanting to date me on Christmas Eve, more leaving me gifts at school, and – I never really _wanted_ most of it to happen. I just needed it to. And then...people started walking away when it did." He sighed, then rested his chin on his palm and offered Kanji a small, sheepish smile. "Naoto probably made more sense with concussion, right?"
Much as Kanji didn't want to admit it, Senpai was right. Kanji shrugged and settled for, "She likes you."
"I admit my relationship with her is…different. I've relied on her." Souji shifted against his chair, expression suddenly pensive. "In a lot of ways, we relate to each other."
"Well, yeah. You're both seriously smart."
For some reason, Senpai actually chuckled at that. "Maybe that's part of it. But you're all special to me in different ways." He paused, studying Kanji carefully. "Naoto cares about you."
Kanji ducked his head in an effort to fight off the heat rushing to his face. "Dunno 'bout that."
"She jumped in a TV after you," Souji said, simply. "What more proof do you need?"
Ever since that'd happened he'd been desperately trying not to read too much into it, telling himself Naoto would've done it for any of them, that it hadn't meant anything more than one teammate looking out for the other. Sometimes that'd worked. Others, he'd wondered just how badly he was kidding himself. "Guess so," he mumbled, then looked up at Souji. "But she cares 'bout you a whole ton too. Everyone does."
Souji smiled again, knowingly this time, but with a melancholy edge Kanji might've missed for blinking. "Especially Rise, right?"
"She's _nuts_ about you. You got no idea."
"Believe it or not, I do." A pause. "For the record, she didn't text me."
Kanji had no idea what to make of that. He stared down at his hands, palms flat on the table. "...Oh."
Both he and Souji fell silent. Kanji could hear the sound of the movie playing in the living room – two dudes yelling, then a bunch of exaggerated _thwacks_ and _thuds_. It didn't seem like either Yosuke or Ted had heard the conversation. He wasn't sure why he thought they would've, with such a racket in the background, but then he'd been half-convinced Naoto had heard it all too, paranoid as that sounded.
Finally, Souji spoke. "Just go for it, Kanji," he said, low but firm. "I can't make any decisions yet, not until I know who I really am...and the type of bonds I want to make for myself." Then, without hesitation, "And for the record – I wouldn't, with Naoto. Even if it turned out she—" He shook his head. "I don't think I could do that to you."
You couldn't turn feelings on or off like a tap. Kanji knew that all too well – but Souji was anything but a liar, and his word would be good enough. "Thanks, Senpai. I mean it."
"I do too." Souji glanced at the stairwell. "You know, she's probably feeling kind of awkward."
Kanji frowned at him. "Didn't think anyone'd mind if she came over."
"I'm fine with it, Ted loves company, and I think part of Yosuke's always going to see her as one of the guys. But I'm not sure Naoto sees it that way. Maybe you should talk to her."
Naoto had said she'd be working. Probably meant she didn't want to be bothered, Kanji thought, but found himself standing from the table and walking over to the stairs all the same. He'd just check on her. Senpai had practically ordered him to do it, right?
He was a little surprised to find her sitting against the wall at the top of the staircase, still clutching the folder full of notes, her cap on the floor at her side. She nodded to him, looking slightly surprised to see him in turn, and he climbed the stairs toward her. "Thought you were in Senpai's room?" he said.
"I'm taking a break. I – thought I might listen in on the movie."
"Why don't y'join us?"
"It's not…" Naoto bit her bottom lip and looked away. "I…feel like I'd be intruding. It isn't the same as when you all believed me to be male."
"No. It ain't," he admitted. "Should be, but it ain't."
"That was why I decided to work instead." She looked down at the plastic folder in her lap. "I was reviewing reports on our potential evidence."
He carefully stepped around her and sat down at her side. The landing was too narrow to stretch out his legs, leaving them awkwardly bent to fit. "You're really working hard on this."
"I have to. Adachi must pay for his crimes."
"And he will, right?" Kanji asked – though part of him already knew the answer, and didn't like it. "I mean, we did it, we took him down."
"In the other world. It may not count for anything in the real one." Naoto tipped her head back against the wall, eyes closed. "I'm just so _sick_ of this," she muttered, ending in a brief sigh. "Poring over a paltry collection of evidence and realizing he could well walk away from everything. Enduring the comments and attitudes of the police, particularly now that they know I'm the one pressing charges against him."
"Why're they givin' you such a hard time?"
"Adachi came across as very likable. Friendly with everyone. I – did not. Dojima-san and Kuroda-san have said they believe my reports, but the other members of the force..." She shook her head. "Essentially, they'll never accept me. I can't even blame it solely on being –" she hesitated "- female. I know that only makes it _worse_…but the situation has been the same everywhere I've worked, boy or girl, and I – I wonder how much of that is my fault. Whether acceptance is something I will never attain and do not deserve."
"_I _accept you," Kanji blurted without thinking – but it was true, and what was the harm in telling her? "I ain't a cop, so maybe it don't count for as much, but – y-you said you accepted me, before, when I got hauled in over Sonoda. So, it – it goes both ways, y'know?" So many things did between them, now. Each looking out for the other. He wasn't sure when or how they'd fallen into that, or how much it really counted.
He glanced at Naoto. She was giving him a strange look, somehow mixing curiosity with melancholy with something else that he couldn't pinpoint. "Do you mean that?" she asked.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, yeah. Wouldn't say it otherwise."
Naoto didn't say anything to that. She just stared down at her hands instead, now gripping the folder so tightly that the blood had drained from her knuckles. Kanji was trying not to watch her too closely, but he still saw her open her mouth slightly, as if to speak, then close it again. Several long moments passed before she finally found her voice. "You…never answered my question. About why I'm important."
…Oh, hell. Just when you thought you'd dodged a bullet.
Kanji gulped. "...Right. That."
Another long, long pause.
"I want the truth," Naoto said, softly. "Please."
Kanji's first impulse was to deny everything, because she didn't want the truth, not really, not when it'd change so many things; _damage_ them, maybe beyond repair. But then again, didn't he owe it to her to be honest?
Dammit, there was no reason for this to be so difficult. He'd fought a fricking god, so why was he so shit-scared of someone whose head didn't even reach his chin? Kanji tensed his fingers against his knees. "I – see, the thing is –" But this was going nowhere and Naoto was still watching him. He tightened his jaw, gaze fixed firmly on the floor ahead of him, and tried again. "M-My answer's gonna change things. It'll – make them really shitty and a million times more awkward and I_ seriously_ don't want that."
"Wh-What could you possibly say that would change things so drastically?" he heard Naoto ask, and he snapped his head toward her.
"You really ain't figured it out?" And he knew she hadn't, of course he knew, but part of him had still always wondered just how clueless she really was. "You're s'posed to be an ace detective and you ain't _noticed_?"
Naoto stared at him, all wide, blue-grey eyes. "Noticed what."
"I – I _like_ you, dammit!"
It was out. The words he'd guiltily dreamt of saying in more ways and scenarios than he could remember, full well knowing it was wrong. Pointless, too, when even in his imaginings Naoto had never felt the same way. She'd recoiled from him, run away, gone silent, a whole bunch of negative reactions; none of them real, but each one still a knife in his gut. And he knew he'd imagined enough of them to cover any reaction she would have right now – except none of his predictions had included a stiff nod, followed by a quiet, unsteady, "S-Since when."
Not even a question. More like – and Kanji's stomach twisted at the thought – she was confirming something she already suspected. Not clueless at all, then. The part of him that was ready and willing to bolt made him clench his fists on reflex. He forced himself to loosen them, to at least _try_ to relax, like that was possible during one of the single most terrifying moments in his life, and took a deep breath. "F-First time we met," he said, as firm and level as he could manage. "An' the feeling's just gotten bigger and bigger."
He'd expected some sort of response, but Naoto seemed to have frozen at his side. She stared straight ahead, not moving a muscle.
At a loss, he kept going. "And you're my friend, or I think you are – or shit, maybe you _were_, maybe now you'll never talk to me again, but thass why I didn't wanna say anything, because I knew you wouldn't feel the same way back and—"
"Kanji. Stop."
With that, Naoto finally looked back at him.
It seemed to take an age just for either of them to move - and when they finally did, it started out less like a kiss, and more both of them leaning in and hoping for the best. Their noses bumped slightly, their teeth jarred together, they were still side-by-side on the cramped landing in Souji Seta's uncle's house, and it wasn't much at all how Kanji had imagined his first real kiss might be.
It was _better_.
He felt hot, light-headed, and completely out of his depth. Naoto's mouth was soft against his, hesitant and awkward with it, and somehow through his terror – shit, what if he was a bad kisser, what if she wasn't enjoying this, what if it broke everything – he managed to lift a shaky hand to cup the back of her head, his fingers brushing through her short hair and holding her against him. She was still gripping that damn folder, it was pretty clear neither of them had any experience, and even sitting down the height difference was enough to crick his neck a little. The whole thing was just _clumsy_ – but it didn't matter, because he was finally, after all this time, kissing Naoto.
Then she jerked sharply away.
Kanji blinked at her, breathless and confused. He'd screwed it up, just like he'd figured, but which part? "Wha—"
Red-faced and already turned to the side, Naoto grabbed her cap from the floor. "I-I have to go."
"Hey, don't—" he started – but she was on her feet and halfway down the stairs. As he pulled himself up, ready to follow, he could hear Yosuke saying something, then the sound of the front door opening. He reached the bottom of the stairs just in time to see it close again. Naoto's coat was missing from the hooks on the wall, and her boots were gone from the genkan.
Yosuke was standing in the hallway, like he'd tried to catch her before she left. "Wow, Tatsumi, what did you—"
Kanji shoved past him, opened the door, and ran outside.
The snow was still falling, a few flakes settling on the pavement despite the scattered grit. He heard the crunch of Naoto's boots before he reached the street and caught sight of her rapidly disappearing form. "Naoto!" he yelled, bolting after her. "Naoto, wait!"
She was quick, always had been, but he had the benefit of longer legs. She must've realized he was keeping pace with her, because she stopped and turned to face him.
"G-Go back inside," she said, unsteadily. Even in the streetlight he could tell she was shaking, and he doubted it was the cold. "You're not even wearing your shoes."
"I don't frickin' care! Why're you running?"
"I –" she started, then rubbed a hand over her mouth, wide eyes looking anywhere but at him. "You – you said – a-and then we –"
"I know." He swallowed in an effort to steady his voice. "Y-You wish we hadn't, right?"
"I just—" She stopped, closed her eyes for a moment, opened them again. "I – don't know what to do now. I-I don't know what to think."
Desperation tugged at him. It was freezing out, his socked feet had started to hurt, but he couldn't just go back inside, not without finding a way to fix things. "Just – wait here for me, yeah?" he tried. "I'll get my stuff and we – we'll go t'gether. We can talk."
A pause that seemed to stretch out for minutes. Then Naoto shook her head. "No. No, we can't. I'm sorry."
She turned and ran down the street. Kanji stared after her even after she'd vanished into the dark, his heartbeat hammering, his stomach twisting. He gulped again - forcing down the lump in his throat, hoping he'd choke down the urge to follow with it - then, at a loss, turned around and walked back inside the house.
41. Chapter 30
_Quite a few reviews last time. Almost as if you guys had been waiting for something. _
_...Can't imagine what, though._
_This one is a bit shorter. Also possibly infuriating. Next will be a Naoto interlude. _
_Thanks to the reviewers (PSKira, The Gray Phantom, MFG, anonymous guests) whom I can't respond to via messages, and to Tempest Kiro, who pointed out an error in my understanding of the Japanese legal system. Also, to MFG – don't worry, I haven't abandoned this story. My updates just tend to be slow due to time constraints (plus the previous chapter was hugely long)
_
_Story so far: The team took down Ameno-sagiri in Super-Persona style. Kanji and Naoto responded by (as usual) hedging around each other, then (not as usual) sharing an awkward kiss at Souji's Christmas not-quite-party, after which Naoto ran away._
_In this part: A snowman, a fist-fight by the river, an uncomfortable shrine visit – and a long train ride out of Inaba._
* * *
**December 24th 2011**
He hadn't stayed at Souji's place afterward. There was no way he could_. _He'd gone straight home instead, traipsed back through the snow in a numb, shattered sort of silence, trying to ignore the heavy feel of his cellphone in his pocket. Hoping it might ring anyway, that Naoto would call or text or do _something_ to help him start to pick up the pieces. Three hours on, close to midnight, she still hadn't contacted him.
Kanji had already sent two texts, both variations on _are you okay, talk to me_. No answer. It'd seemed like the only thing he could do at the time, but now he felt stupid and lame and desperate just for sending them. That feeling didn't stop him from grabbing his phone again, tapping through the address book for Naoto's name, and dialing her number. The phone rang too many times, his stomach sinking a little further with each one, and soon the call clicked over to her voicemail.
_"This is Naoto Shirogane. I'm unavailable right now, but please leave a message."_
Short and to the point. Kanji would've liked to keep his own response the same, but a strange, corkscrewing feeling started up in his gut midway through her recorded greeting and quickly spiraled up to his throat. "H-Hi," he stumbled. "S'me. We gotta talk. I-I know you probably don't want to, but I - I want us to fix things, y'know?" A swallow, so hard he was sure she'd hear it on playback. "I'm - I'm not—I didn't mean to—" But that wasn't true. He _had_ meant to kiss her. He stopped, swore under his breath, regretted it almost immediately. "S-Sorry. I just - call me back, yeah?"
After that, he quickly hung up, knowing he'd ramble on for minutes if he didn't and that he'd only say the same thing over and over. Ball was in Naoto's court now. Better to just forget it. He still took his phone with him to the bathroom when he cleaned himself up; held it in his hand as he changed out of his day clothes; and kept it beside him as he lay sprawled on the bed, unable to sleep for the drawn-out, burning ache in his chest.
* * *
**December 25th 2011**
Yosuke glanced over his shoulder at the girls in the kitchen, then ducked his head and whispered, "So what the heck happened?"
"Nothing," Kanji said, drumming his fingers against the table in front of him.
The party at the Dojimas' should've been fun – a big celebration of the fog finally vanishing, the case being kind-of solved, and Nanako being allowed to visit home – but it was already shaping up to be one of his most awkward experiences to date. The saving grace was that the girls had roped Naoto into helping them create something that might one day hope to pass for a cake, meaning she was busy in the kitchen.
She'd shown up late, and then only after a barrage of text messages from Rise. Kanji had half-expected her to skip out completely. Guilty as it made him feel, he wished she had. Better that than them being in the same room while she pretended he didn't exist. She hadn't even looked at him as she walked in the house; had made a point of _not_ looking, with her cap tipped down and her gaze fixed firmly on the kitchen counter.
"No, seriously," Yosuke persisted. "Something happened. Like, 'run-off-into-the-night' something."
Hanamura's heart was probably in the right place, but shit, Kanji didn't want to deal with this right now. He shot a quick glance at Naoto, who was making a desperate grab for the container of wasabi paste in Rise's hand, then shook his head. "Don't matter," he said, and, in an effort to change the subject, turned to Nanako. "Hey, Nanako-chan, you doing better now?"
Nanako gave a firm nod. Soon as Dojima had brought her inside, she'd homed in on Souji and tucked herself in close beside him at the table. "Much better. And the new kotatsu is great!"
Yosuke let out an exaggerated sigh, loud enough that Dojima looked up from his newspaper on the sofa. "Yeah. When I'm face-down on the table after my first bite of cake, I'll take comfort in the warmth."
Mystery Food X, Christmas edition. Like today didn't suck enough. If Kanji were more inclined toward melodrama, he would've thought the girls poisoning him might be a good thing.
...Fine, maybe he did. Just a little.
"You should thank Souji and Hanamura, Nanako-chan," Dojima said. "They bought the kotatsu yesterday so it'd be all ready for you."
Nanako beamed at Souji and Yosuke in turn. "Thanks!" Then her smile faded. "Sorry I wasn't there too. If I'd gotten better sooner, we could've all chosen it together."
Souji squeezed her shoulder. "Don't worry. It came from Junes, so when it breaks next week we can pick out another."
"Hey!" Yosuke protested.
Attention still on Nanako, Souji ignored him. "Will you be okay sitting with Teddie and Yosuke for a bit?" he asked her.
"No problem, Big Bro!"
"Good girl." Souji stood from the table, eyes on Kanji, and tipped his head toward the front door. "C'mon, Kanji, let's step outside."
The request – order, even, with that easy yet commanding tone Kanji had heard dozens of times before – brought him up short. He found himself standing from the table almost automatically, and walked over to the door to slip on his shoes.
It wasn't snowing out, but the air was still chilly even through his thick sweater. He watched Souji close the door and lean against the wall, hands tucked in his pockets. "So," Souji asked. "What happened last night?"
Great. Now Senpai was starting too. "Nothin'."
"'Nothing' doesn't make people bolt down stairs and out of the house, or make other people run after them." Souji was clearly pushing, but gently. It still didn't stop Kanji tensing, a sudden tightness that seemed to pull through his shoulders and down his back. "You can tell me the truth, Kanji."
The truth? Where did he even start? _I screwed it all up, Naoto freaked the hell out, now we probably aren't even friends_. Kanji stopped, swallowed to steady his voice, and decided on the simplest, most honest answer. "W-We kissed. Then she ran."
Souji blinked at him. "Huh."
"...Huh what?"
"I – uh, didn't think you'd get that far, to be honest." He rubbed the back of his head, looking a little sheepish. "I mean, it's been _months_."
"You told me to go up there an' talk to her!" Kanji snapped, frustrated and fierce, unable to catch himself in time. Railing off at someone who'd only been trying to help, in the end. He rubbed a hand over his face, then let out a long breath. "Sorry."
Several moments passed, with Senpai just watching him – weighing him, even – before Souji's gaze dropped to the ground. "Yeah, I did."
It wasn't Souji's fault. It wasn't even Naoto's, really, because how could it be? Meaning it had to be Kanji's. Process of elimination - and wouldn't Naoto be proud of him for thinking like that – but which part had he'd gotten so badly wrong? The part when he'd kissed her? When he'd confessed to her? When he'd let himself believe for one lousy second that she might feel the same way back? He gulped past a tight knot in his throat, trying to fight off the sharp heat pricking at the corners of his eyes. "And now she won't even _look_ at me, and I-I don't get where I messed up. I – she kissed back, y'know? It wasn't like I—"
"I know," Souji cut in, hand raised. "I'd never think any different."
At least that was a relief. In recent years, people had always assumed the worst of Kanji, and he couldn't stand the idea that anyone would think he'd do something Naoto didn't want, much less the thought of actually _doing_ it. Except maybe she hadn't wanted it, after all. Maybe it'd been a mistake, a split-second lapse that'd caused him to lose not only someone he was in love with, but also one of his few close friends. Maybe she'd wanted Souji all along, even if he hadn't felt the same way back. Or who knew, maybe she'd snap out of the whole thing in a couple of days. Pretend like it'd never happened, go back to the same back-and-forth of tension and obliviousness she and Kanji had stewed in before.
Kanji wasn't sure which option was worse.
"Don't tell the others," he blurted, with a glance back at the front door – as if everyone would be all crammed up against it on the other side, listening in. "I just wanna forget about it."
Souji's eyebrows arched. "You do?"
"Yeah." Kanji said it as firmly as he could, like that would somehow make it easy, make it real. "Naoto does too."
"Have you asked her?"
He hadn't needed to fake certainty on that one. "She's ignored me since we - since last night. S'all the answer I need."
Souji opened his mouth, to say what Kanji had no idea - then snapped it shut again as the front door flew open.
Teddie barreled out of the house, bundled up in coat and hat and gloves. "Sensei! Nana-chan says that while we're waiting for the cake, you can help me build a snowman for her!" He glanced at Kanji, and his mouth curved into a bright grin. "Kanji-chan can help too."
Shit, had he heard everything that—no, no. This was Ted. Wouldn't matter if he'd listened in or not. Kanji forced a smile. "Alright, sounds good."
They went further down the street and salvaged what snow they could from the drifts along the sides of the houses. The grit had melted a good chunk of it and the rest was a little too powdery to pack well, but they still managed to fashion a small, sort-of-snowman, and Ted didn't seem any less thrilled. Yosuke soon showed up, armed with spare buttons and stones and other junk suitable for decoration, and at the end, Souji took off his scarf and slipped it round the snowman's neck. And it'd felt really _nice_, just doing something that took Kanji's mind off everything, especially with the promise of hot cocoa and tea afterward (and a cake that, you never knew, might not actually kill anyone). It wasn't until they all went back inside the house and his gaze briefly caught Naoto's – both of them averting their eyes a split-second later - that he remembered.
"Yo, Nanako-chan," he called, before he'd taken off his shoes and gloves. "Wanna come see your snowman?"
Nanako was still a little unsteady on her feet, but quickly made her way to the door. Ted, of course, wanted to go straight back out too. As the two of them got dressed in their outdoor clothes, Kanji stood in the genkan, tried to pretend he hadn't noticed Souji studying him, and kept his eyes firmly away from Naoto.
* * *
**December 27th, 2011**
There'd been no fresh snowfall over the past couple of days, so what was left on the ground looked muddy and iced-over. Being a popular route home from Yasogami High, the path down by the riverbank was particularly riddled with footprints. Fortunately, at this time in the early evening it was mostly deserted.
Kanji had hung around at school later than normal, not because of sewing club or getting bitched out by the teachers, but because of Naoto. She'd stayed in the faculty office for at least half-an-hour for who knew what reason, and he should've just packed up his stuff and gone straight home - had told himself he _would_, the whole time he'd spent standing near the lockers in the first-floor corridor, waiting for Naoto to come by. He'd just wanted to talk. Straighten stuff out. Figure out if they were still friends, though he doubted that one. But when Naoto had finally surfaced from the office – looking as tired and pale as if she'd just rolled out of a long stint in the TV world – he'd chickened out. Walked away from the lockers and stood further down the corridor, then inspected the wall till he'd heard her push open the main door and step out into the schoolyard.
...What the hell was up with him? Moping around over her, then being too chickenshit to even ask for a straight answer? Kanji aimed a kick at a clump of frozen snow. Unfortunately, instead of exploding, the clump just caved in, soaking the fabric of his trousers. He might've launched into an enthusiastic bout of cursing, if he hadn't been interrupted by a sudden yell from down by the river.
Was someone in trouble? Though if anything, they sounded pissed off. Curious, he walked over to the nearest set of steps and looked around. Down on the bank were two figures: two very _familiar_ figures, the first of whom was midway through walloping the second in the face.
Holy crap, what were Souji and Yosuke _doing_?
Kanji bounded down the grit-covered steps to the river bank, landing feet-first in a patch of muddy snow. Yosuke seemed to be gearing up for a left swing, so Kanji quickly dodged behind him, grabbed his arms, and yanked him back.
"Hey!" he complained. "Leggo!"
"What, so you can belt Souji-senpai round the head?"
"It's fine, Kanji." Souji was almost doubled over with his palms flat against his thighs, and his breath coming hard and ragged. "Let him go."
Let him go?
Kanji blinked at Souji for a split-second, arms still looped underneath Yosuke's - then, without really thinking about it, released him. Senpai had that effect on people. He _didn't_, far as Kanji knew, usually have the effect of making his friends want to hit him. "The hell's going on here?" Kanji muttered, glancing between both Yosuke and Souji.
Souji pawed at his nose. "...I guess that looked bad."
"I feel better now," Yosuke said cheerfully, wiping blood off his chin with his sleeve.
"Good for you," snapped Kanji, "but I still don't get what the hell you were doin'."
Yosuke rolled his shoulders and winced slightly at the movement. "We just had to work a few things out. Man to man."
In a way, Kanji could appreciate that. He'd taken on those bikers, after all. Sometimes a man had do man stuff. Seemed kinda weird for 'man stuff' to include beating the crap out of your best friend, but who was he to judge? "You okay with—" he began to ask Souji, just to make sure, then realized Yosuke had frozen in place - frowning blankly at a nondescript pile of snow, hand halfway raised to his mouth.
Two seconds later, he shook his head, eyes wide. "Whoa."
"He changed, didn't he?" Souji said quietly. "I felt him."
"Yeah, he—yeah." Yosuke crouched down in the snow, hands pressed over his knees. "Sorry. Kinda dizzy."
Changed? "What're you talking about?" Kanji asked.
"Jiraiya. He's – _not_, any more." Yosuke hesitated - then, like the words didn't quite fit on his tongue, continued, "Susano-O. That's who he is now."
Like with Chie, Yukiko and Ted. Personas changing, becoming stronger or more resilient. Kanji had never asked any of his friends when or how it'd happened, figuring that kind of stuff was deeply personal. A Persona was _you_, after all. If it changed, then something about you had too, and in a profound way. It was probably a _good_ thing, but – personal. Kanji almost felt bad for witnessing whatever had just happened to Yosuke's, like he'd eavesdropped on something he shouldn't have. Particularly since Yosuke's emotional level-up had involved getting punched in the face.
"So...that's how it happens, huh?" Yosuke managed to stand again, though he still looked unsteady. "Guess I'd been wondering."
"Yeah," said Souji, smiling. "Sorry it took so long."
"Why did it?" Kanji blurted, and didn't add, _when do I get mine_.
Souji's smile faltered. "That's...kind of complicated."
Yosuke shot a glance at Kanji, then shrugged. "We've got time."
This clearly wasn't the answer Souji had been hoping for. He shifted awkwardly in place – suddenly seeming vulnerable, somehow, a look that was wrenchingly unfamiliar on him. He wiped at his nose again, then rubbed a hand over his chin.
"Chie and Yukiko," he started, oddly. "I spent a lot of time with them, helping them work through their problems."
"Did you brawl with them by the river too?" asked Yosuke.
"Nope. I value my life," Souji deadpanned. Then he turned his head, gaze fixed on the surface of the river and the chunks of ice that'd piled up against the bank. "We just talked. And when they - reached a realization, I guess...their Personas changed. And after that, they didn't need me anymore."
At one stage, it'd seemed like everyone had needed Souji. The tables had been turned later – him needing them, even if he hadn't wanted to admit it – but it didn't change the effect he'd had on the team. The way he'd guided them through their problems, both individually and as a group. Kanji frowned, confused. "So? Thass good, right?"
"I thought so too. But then we - just stopped spending time together."
"Because of what happened with Namatame?" Yosuke said.
"No, not just that. They were always busy. And when I approached them, all I could feel were other arcana tugging at me instead. Other Personas urging me to make them stronger." Souji rubbed at his eyes for a moment, then dropped his hand to his side. "I feel it happening with Ted now too, and even people who aren't part of the team." He let out a breath. "I haven't really spoken with Naoki or Kou in ages."
"I don't get it," Kanji cut in. "They don't have Personas."
"No, but—" Souji stopped short, then shook his head. "Like I said, it's complicated. But all of it...kind of put me off hanging out with anyone. The two of you, Rise...and then there was everything with Nanako-chan and Namatame, and I just stopped even..." He trailed off, then looked back at the both with a regretful, almost ashamed half-smile. "Some friend I was."
Yosuke stepped forward and smacked him lightly on the arm. "C'mon, dude. Don't be like that."
Souji was obviously trying to keep his voice even, but there was an undercurrent of gloom that Kanji couldn't ignore. "I don't know whether the same's going to happen with you, now," he said to Yosuke.
"I won't let it," Yosuke instantly shot back.
"Same," Kanji insisted. "If Take-Mikazuchi changes, so what? You're still gonna be my buddy."
Souji offered them both a weak smile. Like he wasn't sure whether to believe them but didn't want to lose face, and the thought made Kanji cringe a little inside.
"Thanks, guys," he said. "Maybe it won't happen at all now we've solved the case." A pause. He wiped a hand over his face again, stopping to rub twice over his mouth, then looked away again, shoulders slightly slumped. "I—it's so much _better_ when people need me. When I know what I have to give and what I can take. Without that...I don't know how to navigate."
Yosuke rolled his eyes. "You don't have to 'navigate', dork. You're not a _boat_. It's about just getting along with people, you know? You're great at that."
Again, Souji shook his head. "The bonds came automatically. It was never that way before I came to Inaba - but it's amazing what you forget."
Bonds. Souji had used that word before. He'd always made making friends seem as natural as breathing. Kanji couldn't imagine what would happen to change that, or a former Souji who wouldn't have known how to do it. For want of anything better, he stepped forward and clapped Senpai on the back with one hand.
Souji winced at the impact, but shifted the expression into a grin a moment later. It was slightly too tight – nervous, as well, and that melancholy edge hadn't gone - but Kanji figured it was a start.
* * *
**December 31st **
By Saturday, after six taut and stretched-out days, things had more or less settled into a routine.
Naoto would ignore Kanji at school and skip any and all group meetings at Junes. In return, he would avoid texting her, avoid calling her, avoid her in general. It sounded simple. Shame it hurt like hell. And every single time he thought about what'd happened - five, ten, fifty times a day, because he was too lame to ever let anything go - the memory would rush through him all over again: everything from the feeling of Naoto's mouth on his and the texture of her hair between his fingers, to how his legs had cramped up in that stupid narrow landing. The way she'd _looked_ at him beforehand, blue-grey eyes with a spark behind them, like she'd finally let herself understand. Every time, he tried to push the thoughts and feelings out of his head, and it seemed like that might be getting slightly closer to possible - but Kanji wasn't sure he could tell. Wasn't sure he could trust himself anyway, when he was still hung up on something that'd so obviously been a disaster.
It'd thrown off things with everyone else, too. Either he couldn't talk to them about what'd happened, or – in Souji's case – he could, and knew full well he didn't really want to. Not because it was Senpai, but because talking wouldn't change what'd happened and it wouldn't stop the sick taste of humiliation and rejection in the back of his throat. And around everyone else, it just felt like Kanji was faking. Putting on an act to stave off questions, even though nobody had actually asked any yet. Not even Rise, who he'd always figured for being the most aggressively interested in her friends' personal lives. He was still half-expecting her to _start_, though, and so, when Ma asked him to deliver New Year's cards on Saturday evening – not his ideal activity at the best of times – he was dreading going to Marukyu Tofu most of all.
And, sure enough, when he reached the tofu shop at around three, Rise was outside, wearing her white apron and sweeping the front steps clean of snow. There'd been a fresh, light fall earlier in the afternoon. Kanji couldn't remember it snowing this much last year or the year before, but after almost two months solid of thick fog, even the TV pundits didn't seem that surprised by Inaba's weather anymore.
As he approached the shop, Rise pulled the broom upright and leant against the handle. "Hey, Kanji-kun!"
"Ma says Happy New Year," he mumbled, and shoved a card into her free hand.
"And you don't?" she started, pouting, then stopped to inspect the card more closely. "Ooh, that's pretty."
"Yeah. Well, see ya." Kanji turned to leave, then felt the broom's wooden handle tap him on the shoulder.
"Hey, hold on, Kanji-kun. We could at least talk for a bit. You've been grumpy and quiet all week. Or even grumpier than usual."
He shrugged, more aggressively than he'd intended. "Wasn't prepped to be all chatty, s'all." It was only sort of a lie. "Didn't expect to see you out here."
"The fog's gone," Rise said, gesturing around the street. "I don't hear everything now, so I don't need to hide indoors." She smiled at him, bright and easy and above all relieved. "I'm so, _so_ happy we won."
"Was kinda rough for you, huh."
"Maybe. Other people were worse off, but..." She trailed off, and he noticed her knuckles whiten a little around the handle of the broom. "That was the first time that I wished I didn't have a Persona. It was like being bombarded with sounds and images, and almost all of them bad." She tapped her forefinger against her temple. "But now, things are quieter up here."
Kanji grinned at her. "Empty, y'mean?"
"Don't make me throw this at you," Rise said, brandishing the broom like a spear.
"Might stay quiet forever, now we don't need to go back in the TV anymore." The idea had been playing on his mind. Trying to solve the case, fighting Shadows...it'd given him a – purpose, he guessed. Something only he and his friends could do. Hell, it was the reason he even _had_ friends, and a Persona to boot, and now it was all over. "We won't be using our Personas now."
"I dunno about that." She leant the broom against the wall and sat down on the top step. "Didn't you feel like there was something we missed?"
"Huh?"
"Something we were forgetting," she said, which didn't clarify anything. "Like there was something Himiko couldn't..." She trailed off and shook her head. "It's been bothering me. I had one of those weird dreams last night, too. Not as creepy as when the fog was here, and I can't even really remember what it was about, but still...it felt like it was trying to tell me something. "
There hadn't been _any_ dreams for Kanji recently, bad or otherwise. Not even his old man showing up, the way he'd done back when the fog had pressed up against the windows each night. "Eh, we're done with all that," he muttered as he sat down next to Rise.
"I'm not so sure. If Himiko was more powerful, maybe she could figure it out." Her voice was tinged with sadness, maybe even bitterness, and he remembered her getting hung up on all this before. "It felt like she _did_ get stronger back when Izanagi absorbed all of our Personas, like she'd _changed_ - but it didn't last."
So it hadn't just been Take-Mikazuchi. Kanji wished he'd remembered to ask Senpai about that, back by the river, but he'd been too thrown by the whole crazy 'I-thought-my-best-friends-would-abandon-me' deal. Was that stronger connection he'd felt a hint of what Take-Mikazuchi would turn into? Or just some weird side effect of Izanagi swallowing up his power? The whole thing made Kanji's head hurt. Maybe it was better not to think about it for now.
...Like a lot of stuff, really. Pack it up, store it away.
He turned his thoughts back to Rise instead, and the way she was staring down at the road in front of the shop, eyebrows angled in what looked like frustration. "Did Souji-senpai talk to you?" he asked.
She looked up. "About what?"
Meaning, no. Oh man, that'd been a bad question to ask. It was Senpai's business what he did or didn't tell other people, especially when those people were maybe-sort-of-more-than friends. Trying not to wince, Kanji mumbled, "Uh. Nothing. Just stuff."
Rise stared at him. "Just stuff?"
"S'right," he said, with the most confident nod he could manage.
He thought he'd pulled it off too, until she threw up her hands. "Kanji-kun, you are the world's _worst_ liar! You can't ask me that then say 'just stuff'!"
Ah, crap. This wasn't going well. Kanji let out a sigh and rested his elbows on his knees. "Maybe you should go talk to him, ask him why you don't have a souped-up Persona. There's – a reason. A pretty good one."
She folded her arms and leaned forward, seeming to fold in on herself a little. "And he hasn't told me it, so maybe I shouldn't ask."
"Don't be like that," Kanji muttered. "Dunno what's going on between you two anyway."
"I don't know what's going on between you and Naoto either," Rise countered, glancing up at him with a small, troubled frown between her brows. "Except that something's not right."
It would've been an admirable about-turn if it hadn't thoroughly pissed him off. "What makes y'say that."
"The Christmas party. You barely looked at each other and things just felt all _wrong_ between you. It's been that way at school, too."
"You supposed to be psychic now?" he growled.
This time, it was Rise's turn to sigh, in a way that sounded resigned rather than frustrated. "Okay, so I was totally right. I asked Naoto-kun and she just said -" and here, Rise's voice dropped to a ridiculous artificially deep pitch - "'That's none of your concern, Rise-chan', but I hoped I'd get more out of you. Relatively."
In truth, Kanji didn't want to brush Rise off. They were friends, good friends, even if she did bug him and tease him and tell him off for stuff that wasn't his fault. And, like Yosuke, she just wanted to help out. But he felt like he was fumbling through day after day of shaky, awkward interactions as it was, so why add to the list? True, most of them had involved Naoto, but so, in an indirect way, would this one. And hell, it was time to let this crap _go_. "Look, I just don't wanna talk about it, alright?" he said, bristling, his stomach twisting. "It's – it don't matter now. I'm done with it." It was only at the last instant that he caught himself before saying, _I'm done with her_.
Though he hadn't looked back, he could still see Rise watching him at the edge of his peripheral vision, and he guessed what her expression might be. And before she had chance to respond – to say anything that'd piss him off more, or worse, make him want to answer – he stood up from the steps. "Gotta get going," he mumbled. "More cards to deliver."
There was a beat of silence before Rise spoke. "...Sure. But we're gonna talk about this later, okay?"
Kanji had already turned away, in the direction of the gas station. "Yeah," he said – but as he walked away in long strides, snow and grit crunching underfoot, he knew he had no real intention of doing that at all.
* * *
**January 1st, 2012**
The air was damp and biting cold. Kanji's nose and ears had turned numb well before he'd reached the entrance to the shopping district shrine, and his breath fogged into soft clouds indistinguishable from the grey January sky.
Stupid idea to come here. Wasn't like he put any faith in this crap. But New Year's was New Year's, and Ma had poked him into coming down here, said it would be good for him, _if you won't join me at the main shrine then at least stop by there, Kanji-chan_. Lesser of two evils. The main shrine on the outskirts of town would be packed with people right now, and the last thing Kanji wanted to deal with was a big crowd – particularly when a bunch of them might know him, or think they knew him. Fortunately, the small shrine here was as empty as ever. The fox was perched up on the snow-covered roof, beady eyes tracking Kanji as he approached the offertory box, but nobody else was in sight. He sat down at the top of the steps, where the edge of the roof had kept the snow from settling, and stretched out his legs, curling and uncurling his toes in his shoes in an effort to keep them warm.
He hadn't bothered with last year's shrine visit. He'd learned soon after his dad had died that wishes didn't grant you shit, so what was the point in making them, new year or otherwise? But that feeling had faded a little over the past eight months, replaced by the conviction that, while wishes might still be a waste of time, there was a future worth looking forward to. Stuff you could aim for, _strive_ for. Just over a week ago, Kanji would've put his whole deal with Naoto squarely in that category. Being with her was something he'd wanted, something he'd guiltily wished might happen, knowing full well he was getting his hopes up for nothing but being willing to do it anyway. But that'd been then. Someone running away from you (_rejecting_ you, same damn thing in the end) could change a lot of stuff.
He hadn't been sitting on the steps all that long – hadn't intended to be there much longer at all – when he heard footsteps approaching along the path to the street. Probably someone else from the district, he figured, until he glanced up. Naoto was approaching him, head and cap both tilted down slightly to hide her eyes. She stopped about a meter from the base of the steps. Kanji hadn't bothered to call out to her.
He blew into his cupped hands, trying to warm his fingers. They felt frozen even through his gloves. "Thought you'd go to the big shrine instead."
She lifted her head. "Your mother said you were here."
So Naoto had been looking for him. Kanji bit his tongue and didn't ask why. "She hassled me into it."
Naoto gave a single, slow nod. "I hadn't intended to visit a shrine either."
But she had. A shrine he was at. She'd even gone to the shop first, looking for him, so did that mean she was sorry or that she'd changed her mind or absolutely nothing at all? And what was he supposed to say or do in return?
If he'd been alone, Kanji might've laughed at himself. _Done with it_. Who the hell had he been trying to fool? He wound up nodding rather than speaking. There was something better he was supposed to say or do here, but whatever it was eluded him; instructions laid out in a set of rules he'd never been given.
Naoto shifted in place, arms rigid at her sides. He could see her breath form clouds in the air, but several long moments passed before she spoke. "I'm leaving Inaba tomorrow."
Later, Kanji would figure, _should've seen it coming, _but at the time he hadn't been prepared at all. The sentence hit him like a punch in the gut – a sudden, wrenching clench of pain that was too strong to swallow down. "Y-You are?" he managed.
"Temporarily. I—my grandfather. He's returned to Japan, and I promised to meet with him during New Years." She hesitated, gaze now fixed on the snow-dusted bottom step. "I will be assisting with his new case."
Kanji bit his bottom lip to steel himself, trying to steady out his voice. "H-How long?"
"Until it's complete. There...may be other duties afterward."
And now, after the initial rush of confusion and shock, it made a horrible sort of sense. "You're runnin' away."
Her head snapped up. He'd expected a cold expression, smooth denial, but her eyes were blazing. Kanji wasn't positive it was solely with anger. "I'm _not_. This is my profession, Kanji-kun, I have to—"
"Be honest with yourself, okay?" he snapped. "Then stand there and tell me you're leaving just 'cause of work."
"My grandfather—" Naoto started, this time sounding a little desperate, but Kanji shook his head.
"Stoppit," he growled – not wanting it to come out that way, wanting and wishing he could've said something _better_ but not knowing where to start. Feeling the same numb, confused frustration that'd gnawed at him all week.
Naoto looked away. A silence coiled around them, dense and tight enough that Kanji swore they'd both choke on it.
"The murder case is essentially solved," she said, finally. "There's – no reason for me to be here anymore."
Never mind a punch. That one had felt like a hand plunging down his throat and clenching around his insides._ No reason._
He swallowed. "What about school?"
"The faculty are aware," she said – and of course they were, that was why she'd been in the office for so long earlier in the week. "I missed a great deal of middle school due to my casework and my studies did not suffer."
No wonder. Prodigy, like that Niteline show had said months back. Boy genius.
"And Adachi?" he asked.
"I've provided my statement already and I'll still be working with Dojima-san and the other detectives, just remotely. My absence from the Inaba police station is actually likely to improve matters."
Her voice was quiet, and slightly frayed at the edges. Unable to look at her face, Kanji had taken to watching her fingers instead, and the way they curled around the sleeves of her winter coat. "You told the others?"
"No."
_But you told me, so what does that mean, _Kanji thought.
"What time are you leavin'," he said.
"That doesn't matter," she instantly shot back. "And please, don't inform the others. I will contact them on the train."
"Fine." He'd expected it to come out biting, but it might as well have been a single breath; no force behind it.
Naoto had made up her mind to leave, didn't want anyone there to see her off, and so it was pointless that she'd come here to see him at all. But a part of him – one he couldn't admit to, not right now - was fiercely glad that she _had. _And another part of him again, the same one that was still so bitter and frustrated, felt a sudden, stark pang of sympathy. Naoto was still standing in front of him, one arm clutched across herself, and in no other person Kanji had met was the gulf between what they said and what they felt so prominent. In that light, everything she'd done made sense, while making no sense at all.
He'd been hung up all week trying to understand what she'd done on Christmas Eve, and now, _now_ he got it. The answer wasn't only in everything she hadn't said, but in the fact that she hadn't said it. And that'd always been the way with Naoto, short a while as he'd known her. True of him too, at times. Neither of them quite able to say what they meant, where they needed to, when it counted.
Kanji caught her gaze. "You know you're fooling yourself, right?"
Again, she looked away. "...I don't think we should discuss this any further."
"If you want," he said – not even petulant, now. Just tired.
Another silence, much heavier than the first. Naoto stood there for several long moments, still not looking at him but seeming on the verge of saying something - or maybe that was his imagination. Kanji couldn't bring himself to ask either way, and finally, without speaking, she turned away and walked back down the path toward the street.
* * *
**January 2nd 2012**
Kanji hadn't meant to go to the train station.
Cleaning the shop, sewing, watching shitty television...none of the usual distractions had worked, so he'd just gone out walking instead. Aimlessly, if he was honest, dumb and frustrated enough to wander around town in the freezing cold. He'd never planned on going anywhere near the station – why would he, what was the point - and told himself he was surprised when he looked up through the falling snow and saw the entrance further down the road.
And shit, the snow was getting heavier, so he did the only reasonable thing: climbed the steps two at a time and ducked inside the old wooden building. He'd just wait out the flurry. Wasn't like there was much else he could do.
Wasn't like he wanted to check the station platform, just in case.
The station was rarely manned, least of all during the holidays, so after a quick glance around the empty building he just jumped the ticket barrier. The exit onto the platform was right in front of him, but Kanji hesitated for several seconds – breathing deeply, wondering whether he should turn around and quit being so damn stupid. She wouldn't even _be_ there. It was already ten, and somebody like Naoto would've taken an earlier train.
Which made checking easy. He clenched his fists and stepped out onto the platform.
Looking left, he saw nobody. Looking right, he saw two old men sitting on a wooden bench, a middle-aged lady holding a little kid's hand – and past them all, a slight, capped figure, standing close to the edge of the overhead shelter, beside a black suitcase.
...Shit.
Kanji shoved his hands in his pockets and strode down the platform toward her. Naoto must've heard his footsteps, because she glanced up as he approached. Her gaze was disinterested for the first split-second, like he was some passing stranger, then her eyes immediately widened. One step closer, and her expression had turned carefully, expertly neutral. "Y-You shouldn't be here," she said.
"I wasn't gonna be, I just—" _Dragged myself out t__o the train station then pretended I didn't mean to, how lame is that, but maybe it'll make you stay_. "I was out walking."
Naoto gave him a flat stare. "And happened to jump over a ticket barrier."
He shrugged. "Gotta keep up my bad reputation." He nodded further down the tracks in the direction the train would come from. "No train yet?"
"Delayed. The snow," she said. "It should be here shortly."
The pause that followed quickly turned into a cloying, awkward silence. It made Kanji think of the fog and the way it'd congealed around him, stifling sight and sound.
"Listen," he started. "Yesterday. I—"
"It's fine."
"...Right."
He hadn't wanted to apologize, which was maybe what Naoto had assumed, but simply to say, _I get it. I figured out why you're doing this, and that doesn't make it okay, but I get it_. It was something he had to tell her now, right? Before she left. Kanji watched her look up at him then quickly away, caught the vague flicker of doubt in her eyes, and remembered all over again the way she could redirect his train of thought by a glance, a subtle change in her expression, a single shift in position at the table at Junes.
"Why're you so afraid?" he blurted. In the distance, he could hear the steady click of an approaching train.
She glanced at the other passengers further down the platform, then back at him. "Kanji—"
"I mean, d'you think I'm _not_? 'Cause I was scared shitless of telling you anything. Still am. But I'm here anyway."
Naoto's gaze dropped. She turned back toward the tracks, and he noticed her hands had tensed into fists at her sides. "I'm - not like you."
"No," he said, quietly. "You're better."
The train's horn sounded as it approached, so maybe Naoto hadn't caught what he said. She didn't visibly react but she also didn't reach for her suitcase. Kanji reached out, laid a hand on her shoulder, trying not to grip too hard, and tugged her to face him.
"You could change your mind, right? You could." He swallowed. "You – don't have to go anywhere."
No denial. No anything for several long moments as the train rolled into the station. Just him still holding her shoulder, her not shrugging out of his grip, but Kanji knew she would any second now, she had to go get on the—
"A-Are we still friends?"
Naoto's voice was almost too low to hear over the sound of the train. She'd kept her eyes averted as she said it, but looked back at him halfway through the last syllable, catching his gaze. There was a long pause, each of them looking at each other – and Kanji ducked down and pulled her into a hug.
He'd surprised himself, never mind Naoto, and he figured she'd shove him away. But within seconds, the tight and wiry tension in her limbs seemed to drain away just slightly, enough that he didn't feel like he was hugging a bundle of steel cables, that it felt like she might be relaxing a little into his hold. One of her arms was still awkwardly trapped between them, the other had stayed firmly at her side, and he'd had to stoop down so her face wouldn't be smushed against his chest. But what mattered, what _counted_, was that she didn't pull away.
He was the one to break it in the end, pulling back his arms and straightening up just as the train doors slid open. Naoto looked up at him, face flushed and expression impossible to read. Somehow, the last five seconds had made him feel just a little braver – and though his hand was shaking, he reached out and tipped up her chin with two fingers. The pad of his thumb brushed just below her lower lip.
He could try again. He could—
"The train," Naoto said, suddenly, pulling away – but as his hand fell back to his side, she took hold of it midway, squeezed the few fingers she was able to grasp. "I have to go." Then she let his hand go, picked up her suitcase, and stepped on board the train. The door slid shut behind her moments later. Kanji stepped back – swallowing thickly around the twist in his throat, refusing to search the windows for her face - and waited for the train to leave. It soon started moving again, slowly passing the now empty platform. It was only as it finally rolled out of the station, into the white haze of the falling snow, that he realized Naoto had never said exactly where she was going.
He stayed there for fifteen, maybe twenty minutes longer, just sitting on one of the benches with his elbows on his knees, but the snow showed no sign of stopping. Eventually, he went back into the station building and vaulted the ticket barrier. Just before he walked outside, his phone beeped in his coat, and he almost dropped it down the steps in the rush to pull it from his pocket. Text message. From – Souji. Asking if Kanji knew why Naoto had been ignoring his calls.
...He could text her. It was a good excuse, right? _Hey, Senpai wants to know why you're blanking him, by the way are you okay, can I call you sometime._
_Are you really going to come back_, he wanted to ask.
But wanting to know the answer, that was different.
Kanji stared down at his phone, thumb hovering over the keypad, until he finally lifted his fingers and flipped the handset shut.
42. Interlude 12
_This chapter had no right to take as long as it did! Apologies, guys. Did not spend as much time writing this past month as I would have liked._
_Thank you and apologies to anyone whose review I missed answering…I guessed you might prefer a new installment instead. Thanks also to non-registered reviewers PSKira, NOIRA, Sinuhe (sorry, the update didn't quite make the new year), Tarantula, A Gray Phantom (whose name I hope I got right this time), and ichinisa. _
_Story so far: A week after the Christmas Eve kiss, Naoto kept on running - this time to a new case in a new city, leaving Kanji standing alone on a train station platform.
_
_In this part: January, step by stumbling step._
* * *
**January 4th 2012**
"It's unlike you to not see a case through."
There was nothing accusatory in Grampa's tone, but the undercurrent of concern was intolerable. Naoto bristled and, aware though she was of her grandfather's formidable observational skills, tried her best not to show it. "The culprit has been apprehended. I will continue to work remotely on assembling the evidence."
She paused, waiting for him to acknowledge her answer - but he was studying her instead, and the look he gave her was as measured and steady as a metronome. During the train ride to Yokohama they'd spoken only of the upcoming case; why raise other questions now, when their taxi was just pulling out of the station? The glass divider shielded their conversation from the driver, but Naoto still felt compelled to lower her voice.
"My skills can be better developed on a new investigation," she tried – then, more petulantly than she would have liked, "I haven't abandoned my duties in Inaba."
"Your duties aren't what concern me," Grampa said, evenly.
The implication was clear. And while Naoto knew she had abandoned other things in leaving Inaba – - the investigation team, her school life, what little sense of belonging she'd managed to scrape together – staying had been impossible for reasons she couldn't imagine explaining to anyone, much less her grandfather. Explaining them to herself was challenging enough; justifying them, even harder.
...But Inaba, as she'd repeatedly reminded herself, was always intended to be temporary. Departure was the natural conclusion. The repetition of this statement had not yet made it convincing.
She glanced quickly at her grandfather, then away, and reached automatically to adjust the brim of her cap; an obvious, habitual tell. "I've arranged to continue with both my schoolwork and my previous case. I see no other business left unfinished."
The last sentence was sharp-edged. Grampa had effectively raised her, and Naoto had rarely needed to explain herself to him. She couldn't bring herself to look at his reaction. She turned to stare out the car window instead, as the taxi pressed on through Yokohama's evening traffic, and forced her hands to remain unclenched in her lap.
* * *
**January 8th 2012**
Word had traveled neither as quickly nor as far as Naoto had suspected, and thanks to the usual fudging of documentation her new colleagues in Yokohama believed her to be a fifteen year old boy. This brought its own set of problems – but also a feeling of a relief, a sense of the world settling back on its axis. And, whether due to Grampa's presence or to city attitudes, tolerance for her involvement seemed slightly higher than back in Inaba. There were the usual whispers here at the police station, the frostiness from senior detectives, but nothing unexpected. It was easy to slip back into her usual mode of operation, devoting her attention to the case at hand, particularly when buoyed by collaboration with her grandfather.
Or it would have been, had he appeared to welcome her help.
He'd said nothing outright. He'd even quietly encouraged her take the lead, but then he'd never been inclined to baby her. The difference was more subtle. There was always that same air of gentle reproach, the implication that Naoto didn't have to be there, that her time might be better spent back in Inaba – at a school she had no need to attend, on a case she could no longer help with and with people who—
"Shirogane-san?"
Naoto glanced up to see one of the detectives standing in front of her borrowed desk. Imamori, a stocky, good-natured man of around thirty whom, judging by his frequent attempts at small talk, might have been tasked with babysitting her.
"Sorry, the meeting's been delayed again," he said. "The other detectives, ah, want to wait for your grandfather."
This was no surprise. She gave a brisk nod. "Of course."
Imamori seemed relieved. He bowed briefly, not much more than a quick nod forward, and headed back toward the conference room.
Naoto and her grandfather were acting as consultants, taken on for Grampa's extensive prior experience with cases of large-scale criminal fraud. Specialists had already pored through bank account records, their work summarized in the papers spread over her desk, but evidence of this type was limited in its usefulness. Successful fraud perpetrators spent a great deal of effort on hiding any potential paper trail. Naoto had little experience with this sort of organized crime, though. Perhaps that explained Grampa's demeanour.
She admired and loved her grandfather, trusted him, but without all the facts at his disposal he had no way of forming a reliable opinion. He wanted her to return to Inaba when he didn't fully understand her reasons for leaving; the realization that she'd entangled herself with too many people in too many ways, that she'd forgotten the importance and safety of isolation. If you were alone, you didn't need to worry about losing anyone. You were at no risk of harm or of harming others. And perhaps, in the end, it was what you deserved.
Naoto had just closed her eyes in an effort to clear her head when her phone buzzed on the desk, rattling against the wooden surface.
_hey naoto whats up ^_^ r u busy?_
Rise. Unsurprisingly, she'd been most persistent in her attempts at contact. Naoto picked up the phone and tapped out a response. _**YES**_
Equally unsurprisingly, Rise was not dissuaded. _hey did u call kanji yet?_
_**NO**_
_hes why u left rite? he wont tell me about it but i spoke 2 yosukesenpai and i kno sumthing happend_
Of course. Naoto had practically shoved Yosuke into a wall in her hurry to escape Souji's house. Such incongruous behaviour was bound to raise suspicions, even if Yosuke was unaware of what had actually transpired. She swallowed thickly, thumb moving over the keys. _**LEFT FOR WORK. NO NEED TO CONCERN YRSELF W/THIS**_
Almost a full minute passed before Rise answered. _ur my friend naoto. so is kanji_
Naoto wanted to point out that was precisely the problem. She'd spent most of her life friendless. Desperately lonely as she'd been, she'd never realized how hard it would be to adjust to the alternative. Facing her Shadow had forced her to admit she couldn't stand alone, but relying on and caring for others had so far proved painfully complex. She was left caught in the middle, terrified to move forward but knowing that she needed to learn, essentially, how to be more human. At times, she'd told herself her tenuous friendship with Kanji was a way of making progress. All other thoughts concerning him had been shoved firmly aside - right until the moment when he'd leaned toward her on a narrow landing, and everything had rushed up on her at once.
She'd _had_ to run. The flood of emotion - the fundamental loss of control - had been more than she could bear.
But they were still friends. Naoto had been terrified that she'd broken that, but Kanji seemed to have reconciled himself to the situation. Friendship would be enough.
She shifted in her seat, then turned her attention back to the papers on her desk.
* * *
**January 12th 2012**
_"H-Hey. Sorry to call. Just – y'know. Wanted to know how stuff was going. With the new case. So, uh, keep in touch, yeah?"_
_End of message. Hit 1 to play again._
Naoto did.
It was a new and inexplicable habit. Kanji's message would not change. Kanji's message, in terms of content, meant very little at all.
(By contrast, his disjoint and stumbling voicemail from Christmas Eve meant far more than she could stand. Naoto had saved it anyway.)
He'd texted her on the evening of the 8th, and left this message on the 9th. Neither had received a response. Naoto had wanted to correct that, if only to reassure him that her journey had gone smoothly, but all the texts she'd mentally composed seemed somehow lacking and brusque, and calling him directly was out of the question.
She walked over to the hotel room window. The lit windows of the office blocks outside were almost blinding compared to Inaba's sparse dots of light.
_"Sorry to call. Just – y'know."_
The Kanji of three days ago had clearly been trying to keep his phone message as neutral as his text. His voice was the problem. It was brittle, pulled tight at the edges, with a nonchalance so forced that it made her stomach sink. He was clearly a terrible actor, but the fact that he felt the need to act at all was worse. Naoto couldn't blame him.
_"—the new case. So, uh, keep in touch, yeah?"_
...Perhaps it had been a mistake to rule out calling. She could try now. He might still be awake. She could—
Say what, exactly? He'd confirmed they were still friends. What was left to discuss?
Besides, she had work to do. The new case demanded proper attention and she did her best thinking late at night.
_End of message. Hit 1 to play again._
Naoto didn't, and the phone's consequent silence was deafening. She kept it held to her ear, still staring out of the window, for a long time.
* * *
**January 19th 2012**
It wasn't until Rise texted her, mid-morning and immediately following an interminable meeting with two dour forensic accountants, that Naoto found out today was Kanji's birthday.
She wondered what the team would be doing for him. They'd been so caught up in the case last year that most birthdays had gone unobserved. In this more peaceful time - and given that Rise was aware of the date - the others might hold a small party, a get-together like the one they'd had for Nanako on Christmas Day. Rise had mentioned a cake, which – judging by Naoto's experience trying to rein in three very over-eager cooks – would be a less than optimal birthday surprise.
She leaned back against the police station wall, arms folded, huddled under her coat collar against the cold winter wind. The police had finally obtained a search warrant for another business suspected to be a front in the fraud case, and Grampa was due to assist them in the search for relevant evidence. The taxi carrying Naoto to join him would arrive in minutes. Kanji and the others were the very last thing she should be thinking about - and such distraction was absolute proof of why emotional entanglements were a terrible idea.
A moment later, her phone buzzed in her pocket.
_Hey, Naoto. Everything going well with work?_
The message was from Souji; the first he'd sent since his missed calls on the day of her departure. Naoto had begun to wonder if he'd bother to contact her again at all, while telling herself that it didn't matter either way. _**YES THX **_
_Great. Rise mentioned she'd been in contact with you and I hadn't heard back after calling, so I wanted to make sure you were okay._
Naoto winced.
She'd always felt drawn to Souji. Within five minutes of first speaking with him, she had divulged potentially valuable details regarding her conversation with Kanji – and later that evening, been unable to explain why. It was a difficult sensation to ignore. Around him, she felt – valuable. Worthwhile. With everything that had happened with Nanako and Namatame, they'd had to put the Phantom Thief case aside after the most recent letter, but even in that brief time Senpai had made Naoto feel safe.
Perhaps all his friends felt that way. But sometimes, she'd hoped she was the only one.
Sometimes, she wanted to know whether all this could have worked out very differently.
She tapped her thumb against the keys. _**SORRY**_
A long time seemed to pass before Souji responded. _No problem. I guessed you were busy._
Kanji had been the only one she'd told of her plans to leave. Everyone else had presumably heard from Rise, whom Naoto had texted on the train out of Inaba. But Souji, she felt she should have informed. By this stage, he was – complicated, but in an entirely different way to Kanji. Naoto was left with the notion that under a different set of circumstances, she might have—
But that wasn't what had happened. It had been Kanji, and now she had to deal with the aftermath. She wanted to label it a moment of madness – but in the cauterizing light of day, Naoto could see they'd been hedging toward it for months, and that she'd marshaled all her powers of self-deception to convince herself otherwise.
_My uncle says you need to get your ass back here and help finish up the case. His words. Not sure he actually wanted me to share them._
_**CASE WILL PROCEED W/O MY HELP**_
_Yeah, but I think he warmed up to you. BTW, it's Kanji's birthday today. The girls are baking him a cake, poor guy. Maybe you could call him?_
…That would be useless, now. Besides, the taxi was already visible at the end of the street and traffic was light at this time of day. Naoto shoved her phone back in her pocket and stepped away from the building, raising her hand to flag down the cab.
* * *
**January 22nd 2012**
Though Naoto had planned out this conversation almost word for word, beginning it wasn't easy. She straightened her back, took a quick breath. "You want me to return to Inaba."
Grampa looked at her, raised an eyebrow, and said nothing. Instead he gestured for her to sit in the seat opposite him, but Naoto stayed standing in the hotel room doorway, as if moving would reduce her resolve. Confronting her grandfather - her ally and caretaker since almost as long as she could remember - felt both inescapably wrong and entirely necessary.
She clasped her hands tightly behind her back. "It's obvious you're displeased by my presence. I _know_ I have no experience in fraud cases, but this is a chance for me to—" The words had tumbled out too quickly, and the level look in Grampa's eyes made her feel faintly ridiculous. "I can be useful," she finished, quietly.
He leaned back in his armchair. "Displeased? My dear, when have I ever felt that way about your assistance?"
There was nothing condescending in his words, only mingled affection and concern. And in truth he'd never rejected her involvement, even when she'd been no more than a callow, ambitious ten-year-old who'd read one too many detective novels. She let out a breath, shoulders sinking slightly with the motion. "...Never."
"And as much is true now." He paused, as if gauging her reaction, before continuing. "I don't believe my opinion is the issue here at all, hmm?"
Grampa had an innate talent for cutting right to the heart of a matter. If not for her self-control and self-possession, Naoto might have winced.
Moments passed in silence before he spoke. "Do you miss Inaba? Your friends?"
"...That isn't relevant."
"You haven't mentioned them since you arrived." Another pause, brief but weighty. "I know it must be difficult for you."
Grampa would never pity her, but the gentleness in his voice was too much to stand. Naoto stiffened, her hands now gripping each other tight enough to hurt. "I am fine."
"This case is likely to drag on for at least another month. There's no need to disrupt your schooling for so long." His voice had turned firm, but the look in his eyes remained kind. "You missed the majority of middle school, and it was not beneficial."
Middle school would have been pointless. Trivial topics, unrelated to her work, pursued in the company of children. She felt the muscles in her shoulders pull and harden. "I furthered my abilities as a detective, and I can do so again now."
"There will be other opportunities," Grampa said. "You still have a place in Inaba. You have a life there."
Naoto opened her mouth to respond, then closed it. She knew too well that her own stubbornness was inherited. She watched instead as Grampa rose from the armchair and stepped across the room. He stopped short of hugging her - she'd told him three years ago she had no need of such demonstrations - instead clasping a hand on her right upper arm.
"You're strong, capable, and a fine detective," he told her. "But you do not need to stand alone - and running away would be a disservice to both you and your friends."
"...I'm not running away," she protested, with as little conviction as she felt.
"Do you really believe that?"
Grampa's expression had shifted. It verged on disappointment, a realization that made her stomach lurch - and Naoto found herself unable to answer.
* * *
**January 23rd 2012**
At night, alone in the dark, some things were – no. It wasn't that they were _easier_ to think about, it was just that you couldn't do anything _but_ think about them. And for Naoto, the darkness brought a sickening degree of clarity.
Rise had been wrong. It hadn't just been about Kanji. He had simply been the breaking point; the extra pebble that had finally tipped the scales. Naoto's Shadow had begged desperately for a reason to stay, but by the end there had been far too many. The biggest being the team - no, her _friends_, whom she was running away from just as Grampa had stated. The events of November and December had proved just how dangerous and bewildering such attachments could be. And Kanji - Kanji was part of that. Certainly she'd run away from him, too.
…But he was also part of something else. He was different. Naoto wasn't fully certain at what point that had started being the case, or why – only that he was, and that she'd responded to this with deplorable behavior. Since Christmas she'd ignored him almost entirely, only relenting when she'd already made up her mind to leave, but she hadn't known what else to do. Her set of tools for dealing with people was hopelessly limited, and utterly useless when it came to—whatever had occurred between her and Kanji. The kiss. Everything that went with it.
He had feelings for her. She'd simply feigned ignorance for months – subconsciously for the most part, though that made it no less cruel. But what exactly did she feel for him? Years of practice had developed Naoto's skill for submerging her emotions to the point where identifying them was a major challenge. The best she could do, as a detective, was to review the evidence at hand.
She'd pursued Kanji to the TV world after barely a moment's thought. She'd made sure the bully Sonoda wouldn't press charges against him. She'd defended him from her police colleagues. She'd _kissed_ him – not just _been_ kissed, but reciprocated. He'd stirred feelings she wanted no part of, made her resent him for doing so, made her feel fundamentally unsafe and unsteady. The conclusion was increasingly obvious.
Naoto rolled over in her hotel bed, eyes screwed shut as if to block out her own racing thoughts.
She was in love with Kanji Tatsumi. Of all the people she could have chosen – having never wanted to choose one at all – it had been Kanji. A hulking, multiply-pierced, not-quite-delinquent regularly in undeserved trouble with local law enforcement.
…Grampa would not be impressed.
He would have liked Souji instead. In retrospect, a small, sentimental part of Naoto would have preferred Souji too. He was her Senpai, her leader. She deeply admired him; idolized him, even, troubling as that was in itself. He was intelligent, kind, charming, all qualities that would and had attracted her – and Naoto would have laid down her life for him in battle. But as much as part of her might have wanted to be in love with him - had secretly hoped she _might_ be - she knew she wasn't. It simply would have been much easier if she was. Senpai would have kept her feeling safe - not only because he would never hurt her, but because she could never hurt him. He was too fluid, a stream flowing around stones. Kanji was another matter entirely. They each stood the risk of hurting the other - not out of malice, but due to sheer emotional ineptitude. Would it be worth it?
She could ask herself the same of every other attachment she'd made. Were _any_ of them worth it?
Hundreds of miles away, any conclusions she could make would be merely conjecture. A good detective would return to the scene and make further observations. Applying the rules of one's profession to one's personal life was most likely ill-advised, but Naoto had little else to go on – and here, in the dark, she could be honest enough to admit she missed what she'd had in Inaba. Most of all, she missed her friends – Kanji included.
Grampa had been right all along, but he usually was. Naoto vowed to talk with him tomorrow and arrange a good time to depart the case.
* * *
**January 24th 2012**
Eleven in the morning. Kanji would be in class, and his phone would be switched off.
Naoto dialed his number and waited for the call to roll over to voicemail.
"Hello. This is Naoto." Except he'd already know that, he'd added her contact details. Naoto wished she had planned her words in advance - but then she might never have picked up the phone. She swallowed, hoped he wouldn't hear it on playback, then continued. "I'll return to Inaba on the twenty-eighth. The train should arrive at six-thirty in the evening. If you could—" But that was asking far too much. Pushing them both too far. "Well. I thought you – ought to know." Then she quickly hung up, before she could say anything else.
She needed to inform the others too. It would only be polite – and if she preferred not to tell them the exact time she would be arriving, that was fine. Naoto scrolled through her desperately short list of contacts, and selected Rise's name.
* * *
**January 28th, 2012**
The rain had started as the train approached the outskirts of Inaba, and still hadn't let up. The smart choice would have been to have a taxi take her directly to her apartment. This 'smart choice' would have also caused her courage to evaporate completely. Instead, Naoto had walked down the train station steps and caught the first bus to the shopping district, suitcase and all.
Cold raindrops pelted against her as she ran north through the district, past Marukyu, past Aiya, until she finally arrived at Tatsumi Textiles and ducked underneath the awning outside. After doing her best to straighten out her damp clothing, she took a deep breath and pushed open the shop door.
Inside, Kanji's mother was standing by a half-dismantled display, carefully folding a colourful sample of silk. At the sound of the door, she looked up. "My, Naoto-kun, it's been a while, hasn't it? Are you here to see Kanji-chan?"
"Y-Yes. I am," Naoto managed, wishing she sounded more decisive. "Would you please call him?"
"Oh, no need for that. You can head in back, he's in the living room."
"I—" Naoto began, intending some sort of protest, but under Tatsumi-san's expectant gaze she quickly slipped off her shoes, picked them up, and walked through the back door of the shop.
Though neither she nor Tatsumi-san had spoken loudly, Kanji must have been listening. Naoto entered the living room to find him standing in front of the sofa, facing the door.
He nodded stiffly. "Yo. S'good to see you."
"You too."
"You, uh, can hang your jacket over that chair. Since it's damp."
Naoto shrugged out of her coat and did just that, placing her cap on top. "Thank you."
Pleasantries over, they lapsed into an awkward, tense silence - stuffed full of a dozen things Naoto thought she might say, thought she _wanted_ to say, but couldn't voice in any sort of sensible order. Several long moments later, she gave up and started with the simplest. "I thought you might - be at the train station."
He glanced away. "Didn't think you'd want me to be."
She had never, Naoto reminded herself, directly asked him to be there. The best she'd managed was to ask without asking, and then she'd told herself it wouldn't matter anyway when years of casework had left her accustomed to arriving and leaving alone. When she'd looked around the empty platform, she'd been surprised how much it had actually hurt.
Kanji rubbed a hand across his chin. "Even if you did, if you'd said so, I—" He dropped his arm and shrugged. "I don't know if I would've gone."
Naoto's breath caught in her throat. "...Why?"
"I can't do it, y'know? After everything that happened. I-I tried, I called and texted, all that crap." His gaze shifted back to her, almost piercing in its intensity. "But I can't just - chase after you. That ain't right on either of us."
"I – I had to leave. It was—"
"Kinda shitty," Kanji cut in, though he sounded more admonishing than angry. "You blanked me, then you ran. And it hurt."
"At the station, before I left, you—" She stopped short and drew a breath to steady herself. "I thought we were still friends."
"'Course we are, dumbass! You ain't listening."
"I'm _trying_."
Kanji's response was a rough, frustrated sound, deep in the back of his throat. He flopped down on one end of the sofa, frowned at his socked feet for a moment, then watched Naoto sit beside him.
"You gotta decide, yeah?" he said, softer this time. "What you want. And if - if it's not me, well, that's fine, we're cool."
The last part was spoken far too quickly to sound casual. Naoto wasn't convinced they'd be 'cool' at all, that Kanji wouldn't harbour a grudge no matter however unwillingly. But was that even an issue? What if she just took a chance and told him yes?
"'Cause I wouldn't blame ya," he rambled. "I know I ain't all that—"
"Kanji-kun," she cut in, slightly harsher than she'd intended.
His expression turned sheepish. "W-Well, yeah. So." A sigh. "You – need to decide."
There were too many what-ifs. What if she hurt him more than she already had, what if the whole thing went wrong, what if it _didn't_. It would change things; change her. She stared down at her hands in her lap. "I - don't know what I want, I don't understand any of this. And I-I'm sorry."
"Sorry?"
"For everything. For not noticing, or convincing myself I hadn't. Both, really." Naoto lifted her head and forced herself to hold his gaze. "You deserve better."
"Better than you?" Kanji's voice was low, and he shook his head. "No way."
His idea of her seemed dangerously different to the reality. She tried to push the thought aside, and another long moment passed in silence.
"I get it," he said at last. "I get why you left. And s'okay." He rubbed a hand over his face again, then scratched at the back of his neck. "I mean, it kinda _isn't_, you know? But it is."
_Something either is or isn't_, Naoto almost snapped, but she knew better than most that wasn't strictly true. She ran her tongue over her lips; they felt almost as dry as her mouth. "I was afraid," she said. "I still am."
Kanji motioned toward her as if reaching for her hand, but stopped short. "Yeah. Me too."
"And I can't be what you want. I can't be what _anyone_ wants." She'd known this for years, deep in her bones, and shied away from others because of it. "I - don't understand intimacy, and when it comes to other people, I do everything wrong."
He made an annoyed noise, somewhere between a grunt and a snort. "What's it matter what people want outta you? You're _you_, man."
She'd learnt enough of Kanji's history to know he needed to take his own advice. "As are you."
"Dunno." Some of the certainty in his voice had drained away. "Guess so."
A heavy silence settled over them both. Naoto barely noticed for the thoughts spinning through her head, and the feelings that seemed to curl inside her stomach then wind up through her chest to her knotted throat. At the back of her mind, Sukuna-Hikona had started to stir - and it occurred to her then that he'd been silent throughout her time away from Inaba. Or had he been quietly pushing her toward this all along?
Kanji was the first to speak. "So...what now?"
Initially she was unable to answer. Change was painful and terrifying, particularly the kind she'd undergone since arriving in Inaba; an internal revolution imposed from outside.
But perhaps some changes were easier if you made them yourself.
Naoto tipped up her chin. "What we did. Before. D-Do it again."
Kanji blinked, then frowned at her. "Uh?"
"Do it again."
The frown deepened. "You mean—"
Tired of waiting, no longer certain what she'd been waiting for in the first place, Naoto leaned in, clamped both hands over his shoulders, and kissed him.
This one was rushed - barely a meeting of their lips - over too quickly, and about as awkward as the first. As they both pulled away and Kanji darted a nervous, wide-eyed glance at the open living room door, the pragmatic part of Naoto's mind reflected that they probably just needed more practice (while the rest tried to ignore the sudden rush of heat to her cheeks).
"We, uh. Should go out," Kanji mumbled - his face, she suspected, flushed an even deeper shade than her own. "My ma."
Continuing this in public was not an idea Naoto relished. Particularly during a rainstorm. But it felt like there were more questions, more things that needed to be resolved between them - analyzing, always over-analyzing - and at least a walk might clear her head. She hopped up from the sofa and smoothed out the wrinkles in her shirt. "Y-Yes. I agree."
* * *
Without any firm destination in mind, they wandered out through the district in the drizzling rain, Kanji holding the umbrella high enough to shelter them both. As they'd exited the shop, he'd made a clumsy attempt to hold her hand, which - after glancing around the street for witnesses - Naoto had gingerly accepted.
Having left so soon after the team's defeat of Adachi, she was still adjusting to an Inaba lacking last year's thick layer of fog. It was already dark outside, but the streetlamp light that had once been lost in the haze was now crisp and bright, making buildings and signs in the distance clearly visible even through the rain. Pleased as she was by the sight, for a single irrational moment Naoto regretted the change. Kanji's hand was warm around hers, his thumb stroking over her fingers, and if nothing else fog guaranteed privacy.
They kept walking in silence. Eventually they found themselves on the deserted path by the floodplains, which seemed to amuse Kanji. When she asked why, he shrugged and said, "This is where we first spent time together, kinda."
It took several seconds of thought for her to recall when he was referring to - and with the memory came a realization. She glanced up at him, then away. "I have a question."
"Shoot."
"You - said before that you'd liked me since the start. When exactly did you mean?"
"When we met. Last May." Kanji sounded unperturbed.
Except back then, she'd been someone else. Shirogane-the-boy, an alternate self who would never leave no matter to what degree she adjusted to being treated as female. In an ideal world, Naoto thought, there wouldn't be separate selves at all, but one cohesive whole incorporating boy things, girl things, everything that comprised her. Or perhaps those things would just be what they were, and not considered masculine or feminine at all.
But nothing was ideal. The world at large considered gender a binary construct. She herself had only recently begun to accept that it might be a spectrum, that the dichotomy she'd created had done nothing but damage her self-perception. Damaged other things, too. Back in May, Kanji would have regarded her quite differently. "But you believed me to be—"
"Yeah. I know," he cut in, wincing. "Trust me, I know."
Which, logically, led to several possible conclusions. One, that Kanji preferred men. Two, that he had no preference at all. Three, that he was confused and Naoto was only making matters worse. And given what she'd heard about his Shadow and its location…
She released his hand and gripped her opposite arm. "And now you know that I'm - not. Is that going to be a problem?"
He looked down at her, frustration and hurt mingled in his expression. "If it was, d'you think I'd have kissed you?"
Blunt though Kanji tended to be, his directness still threw her. "I-I wouldn't presume to comprehend your motivations, and – and I don't want us to enter into an arrangement under any sort of misconception."
She'd turned her gaze back to the path ahead, but at the edge of her vision she caught him shake his head. "..._Arrangement_? For real?"
Her face prickled with heat. "That – I – I was under the impression that we—"
"Man. The more riled you get, the fancier words you use," Kanji muttered.
Was she jumping to conclusions? Sukuna-Hikona was buzzing at the edge of her mind, a long list of rapid-fire suggestions and warnings. She paused to collect her thoughts, then tried again. "I didn't see your Shadow, but I know a little of its nature. I - just thought it was important to ask."
"_Your_ Shadow wanted to turn you into a guy," he said, simply. "That what you really want?"
In the past, Naoto might have said yes. There were parts of her that _already_ felt male. Matching that physically, she'd thought, would be so much easier, encapsulate so much more of who she really was. Now, having confronted her other self, she'd gradually come to accept that her assessment had been hopelessly simplistic, and that what she truly wanted was more complicated. "No. Not really."
"Yeah. That's how it goes with Shadows. They snap down on whatever doubts you got and snare them up into a whole big mess." Even in the dim light, she could see his jaw and shoulders tense. "That's why mine was – like it was. I figured I was supposed to be just one way, and that the stuff I really liked made me a pansy or whatever you wanna call it."
"You mean your hobbies?"
"Yeah, but not just that. Everything. I – I don't fit what people expect. I didn't fit what _I_ expected."
They had reached the gazebo by now, and they both ducked under the roof. In the faint light from the lamps outside, Kanji propped the umbrella on the floor then leaned back against one of the wooden railings. Naoto stood in front of him, hands tucked in her pockets to keep them warm.
"So," she started. "You aren't—"
"Shit, I dunno," he cut in. He scuffed his boot against the floor and let out a sigh. "I hate fricking labels. But - I've thought 'bout it a lot since we met, y'know? I-I think I like - _you_. Boy, girl, whatever you want." He shrugged, a loose roll of his shoulders. "The rest...I guess I'll figure out."
Naoto's throat tightened. Words were easily spoken - but when Kanji had said before that he accepted her and backed it up with his actions, she'd wanted desperately to believe him. Now, it seemed possible that she _could_.
"You make it all sound simple," she said quietly.
"Maybe it can be, yeah?"
She stared down at her shoes. "What if it isn't?"
His hand landed on her shoulder. "Then we'll work it out together."
Two fingers trailed along her jaw, more gently than she'd thought possible, and tipped up her chin. Kanji was staring down at her, forehead creased in a slight frown – and on impulse, Naoto leant up on her toes and firmly cupped his cheek. Picking up on her idea, he leant down to meet her in turn, and she pressed her lips against his.
Her toes soon started to ache from pushing herself up to reach him and their mouths weren't quite moving in the same rhythm, but this time still felt different – easier, a little less tentative. In an attempt to keep her hand steady she slid it up to cup the back of his head, and Kanji mimicked the motion, the slight shake in his own hand oddly reassuring. Naoto kept her eyes closed, focusing on the warmth of his mouth, the rough texture of his fingers against her neck, the sound of the rain pattering against the roof above - until it occurred to her that they were kissing _in public_.
She jolted back and tipped down onto her feet, breathing hard.
Kanji blinked at her. "Was – was that bad? 'C-Cause I can—"
"No, no. You were – fine," Naoto blurted, frantically scanning the path by the river. "I – we're – there might be people around."
"S'dark," he pointed out.
"I know."
"And raining."
"I know."
"And we're under a gazebo."
"Yes, I _know_," she hissed, "but that hardly—" She shook her head. "Never mind."
For a second he looked faintly hurt, and she wondered if she'd been too abrupt. Then his expression cleared, shifting into an awkward, tentative half-smile. "So, uh," he started, then stopped.
"Hmm?"
"…Are we – y'know. Together?"
Three kisses and a month of internal debate later, the answer should have been decisive - especially with Sukuna-Hikona's presence now urging her on - yet it still took all of Naoto's courage to deliver. "…Y-Yes. If you'd like."
Kanji's smile broke into a grin, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah. I totally would."
Then he took her hand again, enveloping it in his much larger one. Hesitant as it was, Naoto couldn't help a small smile of her own, and a slight squeeze of his hand.
43. Chapter 31
_Back...and very sorry for the delay. Ran into some major life issues over the past couple of months. Only recently started writing again. I hope I'm not too rusty, apologies if this chapter is not up to par._
_To everyone who left reviews while I was gone - thank you so much, and I'm really sorry if I don't catch up on responses. I presume you'd all prefer a new chapter than messages from me anyway. I don't do a good job of expressing just how grateful I am for all the support and encouragement you guys provide, but it's one of the major reasons I came back to continue this story.
_
_...Okay, enough sappiness, right?_
_Story so far: After months (and too many chapters) spent dancing around each other, Naoto and Kanji finally got together \o/_
_In this part: Valentine's gifts and not-gifts, two people speaking different languages, and an unwanted letter._
_(Bonus points if you spot the old idea I reused)_
* * *
**February 11th 2012**
Kanji never really remembered the dreams. Might've been easier if he did, rather than be left with this sensation of _wrongness_. Sixth time since the new year started. Last night was the most recent.
He sat up, pushing the sheets aside, and rubbed a hand over his face. There'd been a few vague glimpses, flashes of images that were already fading. Thick fog, same as last year. A dark, echoing cave. Souji, summoning Izanagi. None of it made any sense but it was all stuff Kanji had seen last time, and the time before that. The whole thing had set Rokuten Maoh's nerves on edge too, and the big guy kept rumbling at the edge of Kanji's mind. He'd considered bringing it up with the rest of the team; after all, Rise had mentioned something about strange dreams back in December. It just seemed kind of stupid now that everything was supposed to be over.
Stress, maybe. They'd gone through a lot of seriously weird shit last year - and Rokuten Maoh was still new inside his head, still settling in. Hell, Kanji was still adjusting to everything he'd finally figured out about himself, the idea that maybe he didn't have to hide his hobbies or lash out anymore, but instead just make himself understood.
He stood up, stretched his arms, then walked over to the bedroom window and raised the blind. The district below was lit by the low, early morning winter sun and a few of the locals were already milling around. Usually he would've been grumpy about having to head to school, half-day or not – but seeing Naoto would make up for it. He just wished he could do it more often, maybe meet up between classes, but when he'd suggested the idea she hadn't been keen. Something about 'upsetting the team dynamic'. Maybe she had a point, even if he couldn't see it. Naoto was damn smart.
Just not that smart when it came to _people_. And the rest of the team weren't stupid; they were bound to figure it out eventually. Probably Rise first, which would land him in serious trouble for not clueing her in sooner. Souji sort of knew already, or at least knew some of what had happened between Kanji and Naoto over Christmas. What would be so bad about spilling the rest of it, or at least being upfront with the others? Lying to his best friends even by omission left a bad taste in Kanji's mouth.
But Naoto must've had her reasons, right? Besides, he was still riding the giddy high of them actually _being together_, this constant feeling of 'holy crap, how did I get here'. After what they'd both gone through to reach it, why not celebrate? It took a lot of effort not to blurt out to everyone that one of the most awesome people he knew actually liked him back.
Maybe she'd come back to the store today after school. They usually hung out in the living room, which was kinda awkward, but with Ma busy tending shop – and under the impression they were both either doing homework or watching TV - they had enough privacy to share a few kisses. He might even be able to talk Naoto into a catching the train to Okina. See a movie, go on a proper date. Couple stuff. Kanji couldn't help smiling at the thought. Now in a thoroughly good mood – thinking about Naoto always did that – he pulled out his uniform from the closet and began dressing for school.
* * *
**February 12th 2012**
Kanji stared down at the glove puppet in his hands. "Senpai, the hell did you do?"
"…Sewing's not my strongest suit." Souji's expression had turned sheepish, and beside him, Nanako started to giggle.
No kidding. It was just a freaking oven glove, and he'd still somehow sewn the thumb to the palm. "You were just s'posed to put eyes and stuff on!"
"I was busy helping Nanako-chan," Souji tried.
"No you weren't," said Nanako. "I did this myself!" She held up her own glove puppet for emphasis, showing off the button eyes and green woolen hair.
Kid had to be telling the truth; if Senpai had helped her, the thing would probably be sewn to his shirt. Kanji grinned at her from across the table. "And you did better than your Big Bro."
Nanako beamed back at him. "Thanks! Can I make one for Dad?"
"Sure." Kanji tipped his head toward his materials bag, propped against the wall near the Dojimas' front door. "I brought two extra gloves and a ton of decorations. Pick out what y'like."
"Can I have a new one too?" Souji asked.
No way. That would be throwing in the towel. Or glove. Kanji shook his head. "C'mon, Senpai! We're fixing this one!"
"Sorry, Big Bro." Nanako didn't sound too sorry at all, and as she scrambled to her feet, Kanji heard her quietly giggle again. She hurried over to the hallway and began rifling through his bag, and Souji leaned forward over the table.
"So," he began, which was never a good sign.
Kanji stared at the puppet and concentrated on unpicking Souji's botched stitching. "What."
"You and Naoto. Did you patch things up when she got back?"
Damn. He'd figured this was coming. Senpai was a pretty discreet guy, didn't push people, or at least pushed them without making it seem like he was pushing. But knowing what he did, it was inevitable he'd eventually start asking questions – which Kanji would have to do his best to dodge. "Yeah. We did," he cut in. "S'all fine now. You guys gettin' on too?"
"Yep," Souji said, a little too quickly himself. "We've been finishing up something we were working on before she left. It's great that she's back."
"Yeah. It is."
Kanji didn't look up, but he could feel Souji studying him. There was a long pause before Senpai spoke. "What about Christmas?"
Crap.
He was torn. Souji was the kind of guy you instinctively wanted to be honest with, but if Naoto wanted to keep things low profile then there was no way Kanji could argue. A horrible thought churned through his mind: that she might just turn and run, and everything he'd strived for would come to nothing.
"I was just curious," Souji continued. "After what you told me, it seemed like you two might—"
Kanji thrust the glove puppet back into Souji's hands. "D-Dammit, this is puppet class, Senpai! You've gotta concentrate, yeah?"
Souji stared at him for just a moment too long – then slipped his hand into the oven glove and waggled his thumb. "Yeah, you're right," he said, smiling. "Otherwise I'll sew the thing to my sleeve."
Kanji forced a smile of his own. "Don't sweat it. We're gonna make you a pro in no time."
* * *
**February 14th 2012**
Valentine's Day had never registered on Kanji's calendar. Fat chance of anyone giving _him_ chocolate, and there'd always been even less possibility of him reciprocating on White Day – so the entire day had usually passed by without note. This year was different.
Yeah, so girls were supposed to give guys chocolate, but who cared? And who said it had to be chocolate anyway? He'd been itching for an opportunity to make something for Naoto. Something she'd like, that'd maybe remind her of him – and while he had a sinking feeling that stuffed toys and cute crap weren't her thing, he was still pretty sure he'd hit on a winner. (And, though he'd never admit it, part of him even dared to hope that maybe she'd gotten him something too.)
So, he was all set to give Naoto her gift. The problem was, she was in one lousy mood. He understood the reasons – he'd seen her stalking down the hallway at lunch, surrounded by three very over-eager second-year girls – but when he approached her at the lockers after school, he expected the worst.
"Uh...hey," he said.
Naoto didn't turn away from her locker. Glancing inside, he saw it was stuffed with decorated boxes of chocolates – colourful ribbons, pretty foil wrapping paper, the works. "Kanji-kun."
"...Rough day, huh?"
After a long moment, she let out a sigh and rubbed her hand over her forehead. "Yes. Sorry. I'm – not used to this. In previous years I wasn't in formal education, and thankfully missed Valentine's Day at school."
He tried not to wince. "You, uh, don't like Valentine's?"
"It's a social construct which enforces stereotypical gender roles." Naoto glared balefully at the boxes stacked in her locker. "And then there's _this_."
Kanji had seen her toss out enough love letters from random students; it figured she wouldn't appreciate gifts from them either. He was a little surprised to notice he didn't feel jealous – but, given Naoto's reaction, there didn't seem to be any reason. "Yeah, it sucks. 'Specially since you don't even like chocolate much." He'd been sure to scout _that_ one out ahead of time.
"Exactly," she muttered. "I have no idea what to do with it."
"Give it to Ted, he'll put the lot away in one afternoon. But you should be flattered, yeah? I didn't get any 'cept some obligation stuff from Rise," he added, and resisted the temptation to add the word 'yet'.
"Be thankful you escaped the homemade variety. She corralled me into assisting her." Naoto's expression turned glum. "Dojima-san called midway through regarding Adachi's pending prosecution, and I strongly suspect she attacked the spice rack while my back was turned."
Kanji let out a low whistle. "Damn. Souji-senpai's in for a world of pain." Then, because maybe Naoto was just holding out on him, "Guess I should be glad I only got obligation chocolate. Not the real stuff."
Naoto looked at him, then at the boxes in her locker, then back at Kanji.
Wait a sec.
"No way!" he blurted. "You – you can't re-gift Valentine's chocolate!"
"You want chocolate. I have chocolate," Naoto pointed out with a shrug. "The solution is simple."
There was pragmatism, and then there was being tin-eared. "No! That's just – tacky, dammit! And I don't even want the—" He stopped, sighed, and shook his head. "Man, this seriously isn't why I came to talk to you."
"Then what did you want?"
Now or never. "To give you something." He glanced around the empty locker area, then took her hand in one of his, reaching the other into the side pocket of his bag to pull out the gift. "Here."
As soon as he placed the doll – a tiny stuffed replica of Featherman's White Kestrel – into her hand, her eyes widened. "Oh."
_Oh_? Was that good or bad? Kanji's hand automatically moved to the back of his neck. "It - It ain't much, but I wanted to give you something that wasn't chocolate, 'cause I know that ain't your favourite, and I figured you wouldn't be into the usual cutesy stuff—so."
Midway through the rambling sentence, Naoto's lips had curved into a small smile. She turned the doll over in her hands a few times, then opened her bag and tucked it inside. "I think this is still very cute," she said quietly, "and a perfect choice. Thank you."
"No problem. Happy Valentine's."
The smile vanished an instant later, replaced with a sudden flash of what looked like guilt. "I – didn't get you anything."
He should've seen it coming, and ultimately had – but yeah, it still sorta stung. Kanji rolled his shoulders in what he hoped passed for a dismissive shrug. "Eh, s'just a dumb holiday. You don't _have_ to give chocolate or anything."
Naoto kept her eyes averted, fixed on a point roughly half a metre to his left. "I…thought it might be too soon. That you—"
The sentence ended so abruptly, he couldn't help pursuing it. "That I what?"
An uncomfortably long pause. Then, she shook her head. "It doesn't matter. I apologize."
Maybe it really didn't. Valentine's Day wasn't really anything special; it just seemed to make half the school anxious and piss off the remainder. "S'fine," Kanji said. "You – you can do something for White Day, yeah?" He grinned, and gestured at the boxes of chocolate. "That's when you poor guys have to repay all this."
Naoto looked back at the locker, and winced. "…I may skip school."
* * *
**February 26th 2012**
Spending the whole day helping out with a delivery wasn't usually something Kanji would've relished, but last night's dream still had him fuzzed out and any sort of distraction was welcome. There was only so much he could do in the store, though, and when Ma finally told him he needed to get out from under her feet, he threw on his jacket and headed down to the floodplains. He wasn't planning on hanging around there long, not when he'd just end up thinking about what he'd dreamt and what it meant. Instead, he'd just head there, come back, then, with his head clearer, maybe call Naoto and see if she was free.
As it turned out, the last part was unnecessary. As he reached the steps to the riverbank, he noticed Naoto and Souji walking from the opposite direction. Souji waved, but Naoto was too distracted, busy rubbing her temples.
Kanji nodded as they approached. "Yo, Senpai, Naoto."
Naoto nodded, grimacing. Souji glanced at her, then gave an apologetic shrug. "Hey, Kanji," he said. "Out for a walk?"
"Needed some fresh air." Wasn't the half of it, but complaining about dreams was pointless. "You know how it is."
"I do. Especially lately."
Souji looked pale and a little drawn, and the dark circles around his eyes were hard to ignore. Like he hadn't slept properly in a while; if so, Kanji knew the feeling. "Everythin' alright?"
"Yeah," Souji said, with a smile that didn't quite work. "Just tired."
"You and me both. I've been having—" Kanji caught himself and cut the sentence short. "Eh. I ain't been sleeping right, s'all."
Souji looked at him for a moment, eyebrows slightly angled, but his expression quickly cleared. "Listen, I hate to run but I've got to head home now. I promised to help Nanako-chan with her art project," he said, which was clearly going to be a disaster, but Kanji opted for silence. "Alright, Naoto-kun?"
Naoto clasped her hands behind her back. "I'm fine. Please, don't let me keep you."
"Take it easy tonight," Souji told her, then began walking away. "Bye, guys."
After watching him for a few seconds, Kanji turned to Naoto. "You guys were hanging out?"
It'd come out sharper than he'd wanted, too close to the hot spikes of jealousy he'd felt last year. It might've mattered then, but what difference did it make now if Souji and Naoto spent time together?
Naoto glanced at him, then away. "Yes. We were – working on something. A...case, I suppose," she said, and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sukuna-Hikona changed. He's – Yamato Takeru, now."
"Like the others' Personas did." Kanji laid a hand on her shoulder and gripped it gently. "Rough feeling. You okay?"
"Yes. I just have a headache. He's even more..._helpful_ than Sukuna-Hikona."
Kanji tried not to grin. "Won't shut up, huh."
She nodded grimly. "I'm hoping he'll calm down, given time. Did this also happen to you?"
"Yeah, while you were gone." It'd been the day before his birthday, which was fitting in a way. At Souji's urging, Kanji had been to visit his father's grave on the south side of the town. It'd been brief, and he hadn't really said or done anything, but that - and a whole lot of talking at Senpai - had cleared Kanji's mind. They'd met back at the Dojimas' house later that day, and something had just - _clicked_, he guessed. "Souji-senpai helped sort out a lot of the crap inside my head."
"Senpai has done us all a great service." Naoto winced again and rubbed her forehead. "After a fashion."
The wind had picked up, and Kanji huddled down into his jacket. "You – don't hafta tell me what happened, why your Persona changed. That stuff's as private as you need it to be. But mine – well, I figured out a little more about who I am. That I've gotta work harder to get people to understand me." He swallowed, and forced himself to look her in the eye. "That includes you."
Naoto answered without hesitation. "I understand what I need to. That you're a good, kind, loyal person." She frowned, and fumbled with the brim of her cap. "And that – well. That I—"
Would've been cruel to leave her floundering. "C'mon, man. You don't have to get all sappy."
"I assure you," she shot back, sharp-edged, "I do not get _sappy_."
"Yeah, yeah. Wanna go home and rest? I'll walk you part way."
For a moment, Naoto looked like she was about to refuse – then she sighed. "Very well."
They started walking. The wind was whipping along the river, blowing gusts up onto the footpath. Twice, Kanji instinctively reached for her hand and had to force himself to pull back.
Maybe one day, right?
Several minutes passed in silence before she spoke. "You have those dreams too, don't you."
"Yeah." He kept his gaze fixed on the path ahead. "I dunno what they mean."
"I suspect we might find out," said Naoto.
* * *
**February 29th 2012**
One thing that had surprised Kanji about their new situation was how affectionate Naoto could be in the right circumstances, at least by Naoto standards. Anywhere outside was firmly off-limits; she got antsy if they just stood too close together. But if they were indoors, alone, with nobody around, he could count on a couple of kisses, often started by her. Hell, all he'd just done was hang up her school jacket for her, when she pushed herself up on tiptoes, cupped his cheek, and kissed him.
"Uh...thanks," he said when they broke away.
Naoto sighed and ruffled his hair. "Saying thank you every time is unnecessary."
Maybe. Or perhaps Kanji was still grateful things had worked out the way they did, and that she'd taken a chance on a punk like him. "Is to me. You're amazing."
Her expression shifted, now tinged with – he wasn't certain. Discomfort?
"Please don't say that," she said quietly, then moved to sit at the living room's low table and opened her school bag.
She never seemed to like being complimented, but that'd been true even before they'd gotten together. He'd just opened his mouth to apologize when Ma's voice called out from outside the room. "Kanji-chan, could you come to the shop floor?"
A customer for the dolls, maybe? Or some heavy lifting. "Yeah, on my way!" he yelled, and, with a quick nod to Naoto, left the room. But when he reached the shop floor a few moments later, he couldn't see any customers or anything that'd need moving – just Ma, kneeling in her usual spot. As he walked closer, she carefully rose to her feet.
"What didya need?" he asked.
Ma smiled at him. "Why, to talk to you."
Uh-oh.
Ma and him didn't just _talk_. Talking was code for a scolding – but what had he done wrong? Since the fight with Sonoda, Kanji had tried to keep out of trouble. "What about," he mumbled.
"A few things." Ma walked to a nearby table and began carefully straightening out fabric samples. "Rumours spread, dear. I've heard that Naoto-kun – well. I'm sure you know what I'm referring to." She looked up, holding Kanji's gaze. "It's Naoto-kun's business, of course, and the gossip won't go further from me."
Not that it mattered. Pretty much everyone at school knew, plus the cops, so why wouldn't the rest of Inaba have figured it out too? If anything, Kanji was surprised Ma hadn't heard earlier. Hell, maybe she had. "There a problem?"
She shook her head. "Not with that. However, I also know that you're seeing each other." And Kanji must've looked as mortified as he felt, because she quickly added, "Oh, don't look at me like that. Mothers can tell these things. You think I haven't noticed how often Naoto-kun visits lately?"
He didn't know what pissed him off more – that Ma thought this was any of her business, or that he and Naoto had snuck around and still completely failed to fool the old bat. "S-So?"
"So," Ma said, evenly. "If you're both together, now – I'd prefer it if you stayed out of your room."
...This was _not_ a conversation Kanji wanted to have. "D-Dammit! I – you didn't have to –" He stopped and rubbed a hand over his face. What was the point? And Naoto would get pissed if she heard him yelling at Ma, especially over this. "Fine. Whatever," he snapped, then turned and stalked away.
Shit, mothers jumped to conclusions _real_ fast. Okay, he was getting more interested in that kind of thing, especially with Naoto – but they were only sixteen, they'd been properly together just a few weeks, and she was pretty well-raised. He thought he'd calmed down fairly well in the ten seconds it took him to reach the living room, but some of the discomfort must've shown on his face. Naoto looked up from the folders she had spread out over the table. "Is everything all right?"
"Yeah. S'all good." No way could he bring up the topic with her, not yet. "Doing homework?"
"No, case work. Grampa forwarded me some documents relating to the case I left behind in Yokohama, and suggested it would be good training for me to review them," she said. "Once I've finished my first read-through, we can tackle your mathematics homework."
"Awesome," Kanji lied. He flopped down on the sofa, rummaged around in the sewing box beside it, and pulled out his next planned gift. This one was for Souji: a stuffed replica of Izanagi, near-finished, though getting the mask right was proving tricky.
He quickly realized that Naoto was watching from across the table, studying the doll. "I haven't seen that one before. Is it—"
"Y-Yeah. S'practically done already, I just gotta finish the mask." He hesitated. "I – made the others too, like we talked about. The Personas everyone had first." It'd seemed more appropriate somehow. Besides, he had no idea what some of the new ones looked like.
"I remember," Naoto said with a slight smile. "I'd like to see them at some point."
"I'll bring 'em out from my room later. Thought they'd make neat gifts for everyone when Senpai leaves."
"A reminder."
"Right."
They settled back into a comfortable silence, unlike the many horribly awkward ones Kanji could remember them sharing in the past. After about a minute – which he spent trying to decide whether to make the mask out of felt or foam – Naoto finally spoke.
"I could make you something," she said. "If you'd like."
"Huh?"
She hadn't looked up from her papers. "A gift. For White Day."
"Oh. Uh." How would that work? She didn't sew or knit or anything. "You make stuff too?"
"Yes. I make – gadgets. Badges, radios, that sort of thing." Naoto sighed and brushed her hair from her forehead. "I thought it was immature for a long time, abandoned it as a childish pursuit, but Souji-senpai and my grampa both recently helped me realize that I – don't have to be the perfect adult, I suppose. Now or ever. I presume that was the logical forward step after accepting my Shadow, since Sukuna-Hikona changed in response." She stared back at the papers, and quietly added, "The offer stands. Making you something."
"I – yeah, that'd be awesome, but – you don't have to."
Naoto gave a short, quick nod. "I know."
Other than _whoa you seriously want to do that how awesome are you_, Kanji didn't know what to say. The quiet was quickly broken by a sudden beep from Naoto's phone, and a rattle as it buzzed against the table. She picked it up, flipped it open – and her eyes abruptly widened.
"Something up?" he asked.
"It's from Souji-senpai. He says he's received a letter from Adachi." Naoto stood from the table, phone clutched tightly in her hand. "Excuse me, I need to call him."
* * *
**March 3rd 2012**
It didn't make sense. Why were they bothering with this crap?
Kanji shifted in his seat – opposite and diagonal from Naoto's spot by the window, he noted – and glanced across the carriage aisle at Souji. As the train clicked steadily against the tracks, the team sat in silence. Okina wasn't far, but if they had to stay like this the whole way there then Kanji would end up breaking a window just to make some noise. As unlikely as it might've seemed, he was actually grateful when Yosuke finally opened his mouth and spoke.
"I seriously don't get why you're doing this."
"You didn't have to come with me," Souji said, a little tightly.
Yosuke swiped his fringe to one side and leaned forward, elbows on knees. "Like I'd let you go see him alone! No matter how dumb I think it is."
"I hate to say it, but Yosuke's got a point," Chie said, shifting in her seat. Beside her, Yukiko nodded in agreement. "Isn't this just indulging him?"
Part of Kanji still wanted to believe there were good guys and bad guys – and once they were caught, you didn't waste your time with the latter. He grimaced. "That guy murdered two people, almost killed more, gave us the run-around for months...Adachi's a lying bastard."
"I know," Souji said.
Kanji smacked a palm against his thigh. "So why're we _doing_ this?"
"Because I think he might know something we don't."
"About what?" Chie asked.
"Why all this happened. I just get the feeling there's something we're missing."
And if Souji had said something else, or said it differently, maybe Kanji would've kept arguing – but the words brought memories of a dark hospital room, and the night Kanji had almost made the biggest mistake of his life. He leaned back into his seat and stayed silent.
"Souji-senpai has a point," Naoto said, level and low. "There are many unanswered questions regarding this case. Ameno-sagiri's explanations were incomplete. We don't know why the TV world and Midnight Channel exist, or why certain individuals were able to freely enter the television without first confronting their Shadows."
"I want to know that stuff too!" Teddie chimed in. "I want to understand more about where I came from."
Yosuke slouched against his seat, arms folded. "Yeah, but I don't see how Adachi's gonna answer all that," he muttered, then looked at Souji. "For all we know, he just asked to see you as a sick joke."
Souji shrugged. "Maybe. But what if he didn't?"
Everything was supposed to be _over_. They'd caught Adachi, taken down Ameno-sagiri, cleared the fog from Inaba, so what was there left to do? If you tried to answer every question there was, nothing would ever get finished - and Kanji wanted to be finished with what'd happened in the past year, to pack up the worst memories and put them away. Yet there were still the dreams. The nagging feeling that there was something just beyond their reach.
What if Souji was right?
Perched next to him, Rise laid a hand on Souji's forearm. "You look tired, Senpai. Are you sleeping okay?"
"No," he admitted, "but neither are the rest of you, I'm guessing. And I'll bet it's for the same reason."
Naoto nodded, expression stern. "Another question we need answered, then."
* * *
Going to Okina with Souji was ultimately more of a gesture than a useful action. Adachi was being held in jail there, pending trial, and Dojima had apparently pulled some strings with a high-up colleague so that Souji could see him. Exactly how Souji had persuaded his uncle to do that was beyond Kanji – but whatever had happened, only Souji had been given permission to make the visit. The rest of the team were stuck killing time among the shops and cafes; including, in Kanji's case, skulking around in Croco Fur while the girls pored over a dozen equally garish outfits.
"What do you think, Kanji-kun?" Rise asked, holding up one of the single most hideous skirts Kanji had ever seen.
He grimaced. She'd been the one to sucker him into this. She'd just needed Tailor Tatsumi's advice on a few outfits, she'd said, nothing big, _c'mon, Kanji-kun, it'll take five minutes!_
"Tell me you ain't seriously gonna wear that," he said.
"Nope, not a chance." Rise smirked at him. "Just checking you were still paying attention."
At least Chie and Yukiko didn't need his 'help'. They seemed happy enough picking clothes out for each other, though anything from this eyesore of a store would be a sketchy prospect at best. Yosuke had beat a rapid retreat – buying Ted Topsicles, he'd claimed – and Kanji wasn't sure where Naoto had gone, only that she'd done so very quickly and discreetly.
...They were in Okina. He'd wanted to bring her here on a date. Today didn't cover that, of course, but maybe they could walk around together, get some ideas for their next visit. And hell, it'd beat hanging around in here.
"Yo, Rise," he said. "I'm headin' out. You don't need me for this."
Rise tilted her head, pouting a little – then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess you're right. If you see Naoto-kun," – and here, he swore she winked – "tell her I found the _cutest_ little dress for her."
Kanji nodded, reminded himself not to tell Naoto a thing, and left the shop.
Outside, people were milling through the street in the seasonable early Spring weather. It took a few minutes for him to track Naoto down in the crowds, but he eventually found her standing outside the cinema, inspecting one of the posters on the wall. He'd never heard of the movie it was advertising, but the giant robot posed dead-centre gave the gist.
"You wanna go see that?" he asked her.
Naoto started, looking suddenly guilty. "N-No." Then she paused, and sighed. "...Perhaps. I used to enjoy those sort of films."
"We could go together. Not today, but next weekend or somethin'." He took a deep breath. "Like...a date."
She looked back at the poster, then nodded. "...Yes. Alright." A pause. "Are the girls finished shopping?"
"Nope."
"Perhaps we can wait for them in the café," she suggested. "By the time they've finished, Souji-senpai may have called."
Seemed like a good idea. Kanji nodded, and as they walked away from the cinema he unthinkingly took hold of her hand. Instantly, Naoto jerked out of his loose grip.
"Don't do that," she muttered.
It was just a dumb mistake, and he should've let it drop. He didn't. "Why?"
Her eyes narrowed before she quickly looked away. "It's – inappropriate."
Inappropriate? But they were _together_, right? Much as Kanji had tried to follow Naoto's lead on this stuff, had convinced himself he needed to, he had his limits - especially for things that ultimately didn't make much sense. "I'm not askin' that we make out in public, dammit. I just – I don't see what's so wrong with doing couple stuff," he protested. "Holding hands ain't much."
She still wouldn't look at him, keeping her eyes fixed straight ahead. "People will see."
He stopped walking. Naoto took two more steps before realizing, then turned back to face him.
"You held hands with me before," he said. "When you came back to Inaba. You _kissed_ me."
"There was nobody around." She hesitated. "And – I was...less level-headed. The comparison is hardly fair."
"S'like you're ashamed of me." He hadn't considered the idea before – hadn't _let_ himself consider it? – but it made a horrible sort of sense. He felt his jaw tighten. "Are you?"
Her eyes widened. "Of course not! I—"
Before she had chance to finish, Kanji kept going. "'Cause it seems like it, yeah? We still haven't told the others, and you're close with me when it's just us, but out here – I mean, what am I s'posed to think?"
Naoto glanced around the busy street frantically, as if searching for witnesses close enough to hear. "Kanji, not _here_."
"Why don't you just answer my question, dammit?"
"You – I –" She paused, swallowed, and took a deep breath. "I have a certain image to project. There are – aspects of myself that—"
"I tried fussing over that too, for years," he cut in. "It don't do any good."
"It's _different_ for you," she blurted. "You – people don't make assumptions about you."
Kanji grimaced. No assumptions? Yeah, _right_. "Seriously? You know the crap people've said about me! All 'cause of the way I looked or my hobbies or whatever they wanted!" Dating Naoto would soon be part of that list, once the usual suspects at school heard; he could already see that coming. "And you're gonna stand there and tell me I don't know what it's like?"
Naoto had gone through a lot of shit, had reinvented herself to help avoid it. He _knew_ that. But even if it was for different reasons to him, that didn't mean she was the only one.
She glanced away, biting her lip. "I – I know. I'm sorry."
Deflated, Kanji sighed and shook his head. "Shit, Naoto. I don't get it. I really don't."
There was a long, uncomfortable pause. Naoto gripped her opposite arm, head tipped slightly down.
"Souji-senpai...may have finished his meeting," she said, already half-turned to leave. "I'm going to try calling him."
"Yeah. Fine," Kanji muttered. He felt stretched taut, bones and tendons ready to snap. "I'll be outside Croco Fur."
* * *
**March 6th 2012**
As Kanji had expected, the rumour mill had already started turning. Inaba had always been bad for that. It was difficult to tell at first - people staring at him and whispering was nothing new – but if he hadn't been certain, Rise soon clued him in.
"You know what people are saying, right?" she asked him one lunchtime, at the entrance to the Practice Building.
He shifted his gaze to the wall behind her. "'Bout what."
"You and Naoto-kun." At the edge of his vision, he saw her fold her arms. "Seriously, Kanji-kun, you must've known people would realize eventually."
Kanji's response should've been some variation on _dunno what the hell you mean_ – but what was the point? Sounded like Rise had already realized what was up. Naoto had asked him to keep it quiet, but maybe that'd been out of embarrassment too: the smartest, sharpest kid in the school dating that dumb Tatsumi punk. He looked back at Rise. "So you know, huh."
She rolled her eyes. "I figured it out ages ago, dummy. But I haven't told anyone and I never would." Her brow furrowed. "I'm kinda bummed that you didn't tell me, but I get why. Sort of."
"Sorry. Naoto said to keep quiet."
Rise arched her eyebrows. "Really? I thought you were just worried what people would think." She winced. "Because some of the stuff they're saying...it's not right, you know?"
"Like what?" he asked, though he already had a decent idea.
She hesitated. "That...well. Naoto-kun's kinda, um..._boyish_, and – there were already stories about you, and—"
"I get it," he cut in, if only to save Rise from embarrassment. His fists had tensed at his sides, and he forced himself to unclench them. "Figured that's what they were saying."
She shook her head. "You'd think you dating a girl would stop all that."
"You know it ain't that simple," he muttered. "Naoto's different."
"Yeah, I guess so." Rise sighed. "But honestly, it shouldn't really matter."
"Damn right it shouldn't!" he said, with an angry sweep of his hand that sent two nearby first-years scurrying. "Say I _was_ with a guy. They'd still have no right to rag on me over it."
Rise sighed. "You're right. But it's okay, Kanji-kun," she soothed. "Naoto-kun's worth it, right?"
Kanji paused.
To him, Naoto was still worth everything. But if she was too ashamed of him to tell their friends, or let him hold her damn hand, how did he know she felt the same way? Maybe she was already regretting her decision. But then why would she be so affectionate (loving, his mind supplied) with him in private? It was like he was with two different people, all depending on who was watching. He'd tried reminding himself she was reserved, kinda shy, all that stuff, but it was an increasingly difficult theory to swallow.
He snapped back to awareness. Rise was still staring up at him, waiting for an answer.
"'Course she is," he said, with a tight smile.
* * *
That night found Kanji in his room, finishing up Souji's Izanagi doll. The work was bittersweet; a reminder that Senpai would soon be leaving town. From the little Kanji had gleaned, he wasn't looking forward to it. Didn't get along well with his parents, which was no surprise if they'd been ready to ship him off to his uncle's place for a year. It wasn't quite the same thing as Kanji losing a parent – or worse, Naoto losing both – but it was a loss nonetheless.
Thinking of Naoto…maybe he should just tell the others. Get it out the way. Rise already knew, and even if she'd stayed quiet, the rest of the team must've heard the rumours at school. Souji was smart as hell, so he must've figured it out as well - but Naoto might never forgive Kanji for going official. They still hadn't really made up after their argument in Okina, instead choosing to ignore it completely – or at least she had. Kanji would've preferred they talk about it. If nothing else, he wanted answers.
He glanced at his open cellphone, resting on the sewing table. It was almost 9pm. Maybe he could still call Naoto.
The phone rang. He picked it up and saw Souji's name onscreen. "Yo, Senpai."
"_Kanji_." A deep breath. "_We have to go back inside._"
"You mean the TV world?" Kanji frowned. They'd already solved the case, hadn't they?
_"There's someone I have to confront. A friend. We made a deal for information."_
Anyone you had to make deals with – who wouldn't help you up front - didn't sound like much of a 'friend' at all. "Which friend?"
_"Her name is Margaret."_ Souji paused. _"And she wants to test us."_
44. Chapter 32
_Story so far: Kanji had trouble understanding Naoto's approach to relationships, culminating in an argument in Okina - at the same time Souji was meting with an incarcerated Adachi.
_
_In this part: A battle with a near-goddess, a meeting with a real one, and an early gift.
_
* * *
**March 7th 2012**
Yukiko stared at the blank television screen, one hand worrying the fabric of her skirt. "Does Dojima-san know about this?"
Souji shrugged. "Which part?"
"All of 'em," Kanji cut in. "That you went to Okina to talk to Adachi, and he told you whatever he did—" because Souji _still_ hadn't spilled the details "—and now we're gonna jump into the damn TV again 'cause of it."
He hadn't meant his voice to come out loud as it did, and this early in the evening Junes was far from empty. Two little girls watching Featherman on a nearby television stared up at him wide-eyed, while Souji coughed and elbowed him in the ribs.
"Uncle was the one who got me in to see Adachi in the first place," Senpai reminded him – though, hearing it, Kanji wondered again how Souji had ever wrangled that. "And he already knows about the TV world."
"Just not that we're doing this," Yukiko said, without making it sound like a question.
Souji shook his head. "There's no way he'd ever agree. Even if he really got it, which he doesn't, he'd still see this as a gamble - which it kind of is."
Wasn't the most reassuring thing Senpai could've said, but he didn't generally take risks without reason. "Not if that asshole Adachi told you something you needed to know," Kanji said - then, a little harsher than he'd intended, "You still haven't told us what he told you."
A long pause – then Souji let out a slight sigh. "I know, and I'm sorry. I needed to talk to – some friends, first."
_Friends_. Like this Margaret chick they were supposed to go see who wouldn't just tell Senpai whatever it was she knew. If they were all that close, why wasn't she helping him straight up?
"We're your friends too," Yukiko said quietly.
Souji frowned at her. "Of course you are. Don't ever think otherwise."
And yeah, Kanji already _knew_ that, but hearing it helped. Part of him had worried that this would be a repeat of last year, when Souji had pushed them all away after Nanako's kidnapping; that Senpai had decided to do all of this by himself. But if that was true, he wouldn't have called everyone here to Junes, right?
"You just gotta remember that, Senpai," he said, clasping a hand on Souji's back. "We're doing this together."
The smile Souji gave him was small but reassuring. "Thanks, Kanji."
"But Kanji-kun has a point," Yukiko said. "We'd understand things better if we knew what you and Adachi talked about, or what he wrote to you."
"Well…the letter didn't say much other than asking to speak with me in person. And even when we met, he..." Souji tipped back his head slightly, gaze fixed on one of the gaudy orange sale signs hanging from the ceiling. "I guess he might not have had any answers, but he was asking all the right questions."
Kanji's brow furrowed. "...I don't get it."
Souji glanced down at his watch. "The others should be here soon. Let's head inside."
* * *
In the months since they'd last gone in, the TV world hadn't changed. The leap through the screen and the sight of the studio lot had both brought back a weird sort of not-quite-nostalgia: a mix of good and bad memories that Kanji was glad he'd experienced but definitely didn't want to relive.
Looking at Naoto - standing beside the exit television stack and apparently lost in thought - brought back a different set of feelings. There was an overwhelming sense of relief that they'd made it through the past year, made it together, but it was tinged with a growing sense of anxiety. What did it mean if one half of a couple insisted on keeping it secret? Did Naoto really accept him, or was he an embarrassment? It made a bad sort of sense. Smartest kid in the school, practically a genius – like she'd want anyone seeing her with big dumb Kanji-kun.
...Damn, that was pathetic. Kanji shook his head. He was _better_ than this. Maybe it was lack of sleep just setting his nerves on edge; he'd had another one of the dreams last night. Near-darkness, a sudden fiery heat, a glimpse of Izanagi in the fog. Images and sensations that didn't seem to mean anything, alone or together, but which left him on edge nonetheless.
The group was still waiting on Yosuke to finish his shift in the grocery department, so there was time to chat with Naoto. Kanji walked over to her. "Yo. Doing alright?"
She flashed a quick smile that he couldn't help immediately returning. "Yes, just thinking. I didn't anticipate revisiting this place."
He glanced over at Souji. He was sitting cross-legged beside the fox and absently scratching its ears. "Souji-senpai'll explain it."
"It is vital he does so," she said, folding her arms. "I want to know what transpired during his meeting with Adachi."
"You and me both. And this Margaret chick, I wanna know what the deal is there." Kanji grimaced. "Got a bad feeling about her."
Naoto quirked an eyebrow. "We haven't even met her." Then she frowned. "But I understand the sentiment. I don't know what Senpai meant regarding her intent to test us, but it didn't sound positive."
Since Souji's call the previous night, Kanji had wondered what 'testing' someone implied. He didn't know Margaret or the first thing about how she operated, but to him the phrase suggested only one thing: a fight. "...Maybe we'll have to tussle."
Naoto didn't look surprised; Kanji wondered if she'd been thinking the same thing. "I hope not," she said. "We're desperately out of practice."
"Yeah." Save that one weird flash last December, he'd never even tried summoning Rokuten Maoh. "I know."
Both fell into gloomy silence, Naoto staring glumly at the studio lot floor and Kanji wishing he hadn't brought the idea up. Part of him had originally planned to talk to her about their argument in Okina instead, which they still hadn't addressed - except that'd be an even worse conversation and one they really needed to have elsewhere.
But they needed to have it, period. "Hey. You, uh, wanna hang out after this?" he asked.
Naoto stiffened. "Not so loud," she muttered.
...And this kind of crap was exactly what they needed to hash out. He'd kept his voice low, nobody was remotely within earshot, and asking to hang out didn't even have to _mean_ anything unless you were seriously paranoid. Kanji tried not to grit his teeth. "I wasn't loud."
She hesitated. "...It doesn't matter. Just...be careful." A tug at her cap. "We can go to your house, if you like."
"Yeah, okay." He drew a deep breath. "I think we oughta talk, y'know?"
Her expression suddenly wary, Naoto looked on the verge of responding – until Yosuke chose that moment to tumble into the TV world with a yell, landing heavily next to Souji and sending the fox scurrying.
He sat up, rubbing the small of his back. "...Ow."
Chie grinned at him. "Nice landing, Hanamura. Ten points for technique!"
"It's not my fault! The floor manager showed up out of nowhere," Yosuke grumbled. "It was either jump in quick or wait till he left, and I was running late as is."
"No problem." Souji unfolded his legs and climbed to his feet. "Now we're all here - Rise, can you lead us to Nanako's Heaven?"
"That's where your friend Margaret is?" Kanji asked.
"Yeah. We're going to the top, where we fought Namatame. The portal should still be there."
"Look, Souji." Arms folded, Chie shifted awkwardly in place. "I'll go wherever you want and fight whatever you need me to fight. But could you at least explain what we're doing?"
Rise had evoked, her eyes hidden by the mask Kanzeon was holding over her face. "Senpai...I can sense a presence there," she said, a slight tremble in her voice. "It's _huge_. Bigger than anything we've faced."
"That would be Margaret." He let out a quiet sigh. "When I met with Adachi, he raised a lot of questions, the biggest being how he, Namatame and I got the power to enter the TV. He thinks it may have something to do with when we each arrived in Inaba. Somebody told him about the Midnight Channel on his first day, and – I think someone spoke to me, too, or did _something_, but neither of us can remember who it was." Souji paused, and winced. "Except it's more like – something's _stopping_ us from remembering."
"Huh." Yosuke folded his arms. "So where does Margaret come into this?"
"Margaret and her master have been helping me since the start of the case. I went to them both for help, but found Margaret alone instead."
"And she said she'd help you figure it out?" Chie asked.
Souji hesitated. "…Actually, she challenged me to a battle."
Yosuke's eyes widened. "Dude, for real?"
"A personal favour to her, she said. And a way to test whether we're ready to see the truth."
"So...we're really going to fight her?" Yukiko's eyebrows were angled with worry. "Even if she's as powerful as Rise-chan says?"
"...Sorry to drag you all into this. I just – assumed you'd—" Souji paused again, gave a slight shake of his head, then glanced around the group. "If any of you want to leave, I'll understand."
"Moron." Grinning, Yosuke slung an arm around Souji's shoulder. "We've been with you all the way. What makes you think we'd quit now?"
Whoever this Margaret was and whatever reason she had for picking a fight with Souji, she'd picked one with all of them. "We're with you, Senpai," Kanji said.
Naoto nodded. "Too many questions remain unanswered. If your friend can address even a few of those, it is our duty to confront her."
"I have unanswered questions too! Two of them," Ted said, counting them off on his fingers. "First, is this Margaret lady pretty, and second, did Sensei score with her?"
Souji glanced at Rise – who looked vaguely murderous – and paled. "No comment."
"Then I bet she is! And maybe you did, but it's okay, Teddie would've too. Let's go, Sensei!"
* * *
When they spilled through the portal at the top of Heaven, the sky was pitch black and starless.
Five months on, this world stood out in Kanji's mind more than any other except his own. It wasn't for good reasons – there'd been the desperate rush to save Nanako, and then the fight with Namatame where half the team had been forced to attack their own leader – but nonetheless, he _knew_ this place, and it'd changed. Blue-tinged light seemed to emanate from the floor, casting strange shadows across their faces, and the lack of sunshine had added a chill to the air. Even the light breeze that had skimmed Heaven's open upper levels was gone. Maybe it should've felt sinister, but what he really got was a sense of stillness and expectation.
The huge metal door by the portal had been left open, so the team quickly ran through and across the wooden bridge spanning the darkness. It wasn't until they reached the island on the other side and began to climb the steps to the dais that Kanji was able to see the woman standing at the top.
Yosuke let out a low whistle. "Whoa. She's _beautiful_."
_Beautiful_ didn't do it justice. Tall and regal, the woman looked like a sculpture, all fine angles and perfectly carved features. Her midnight blue clothing blended with the darkness, a sharp contrast to her pale, clear skin and platinum blond hair. She didn't speak at first or even really look at them, instead focusing her attention on methodically brushing dust from the thick leather-bound book in her arms. If this was Margaret, she looked more exquisite than threatening, but that didn't—
"Who _is_ this?" Rise blurted, with a stumbling step back toward the steps. Her eyes were wide and she appeared on the verge of turning to run. "She's—I can't—"
Souji gently gripped her shoulder. "Relax, Rise. Don't try to scan her."
Rise rounded on him, eyes narrowed. "_You_ – you said she – are you and her—" Then she stopped, and rubbed a hand over her mouth. "Okay. Okay, no scanning."
Margaret's gaze skimmed each of them in turn, then finally settled on Souji. Her expression held nothing but indifference. "So, you've come."
He gave a brief bow. "As you requested."
"I spoke with my master after you left. It seems my predecessor – my sister – also requested a duel from our last guest. I called her foolish, but it seems we are kin indeed." Her lips had curved in a small smile, but it vanished in an instant. "Are you sure you're ready?"
"Yes."
Rise made a clumsy grab for his arm. "Senpai, her power's off the charts! _Please_ tell me you're not gonna fight her!"
Yosuke stepped forward, palm cupped upward as if to summon his Persona's card. "Well, if that's what it comes down to, we'll just—"
"No." Margaret kept her gaze firmly on Souji. "I ask that you show me your power alone."
Alone? Who was she kidding? If she was as powerful as Rise had made out, why the hell would Souji ever want to tackle her alone? Senpai wasn't dumb.
"Fall back, guys," Souji said, raising his palm.
…Okay, maybe Senpai _was_. "What the hell?" Kanji snapped.
Teddie blinked at Souji. "Sensei - you're joking, right?"
"Nope." Souji walked closer to Margaret, one careful hand on the hilt of his sword. "If this is what it takes, I'll do it. I have to know the truth."
She nodded, brisk and quick. "As the one who rules over power, I will fight with utmost deference to you. Show me what lies beyond a mere exchange of words!"
At the end of the sentence, she cast the book to her side, but instead of dropping to the floor it remained suspended in midair, pages flipping despite the lack of any breeze. Eight summoning cards appeared around her, floating just like the book, as Margaret too rose up from the dais. She seized one of the cards, crushed it in her hand with a flare of pink light – and a familiar scarlet figure burst into the air. "_Siegfried!"_
"No way!" Rise gasped. "She can use Senpai's Personas?"
Siegfried drove his sword into the ground and a plume of fire blazed toward Souji, a wave of heat surging with it. He evoked in time for Trumpeter to take the brunt of the magic, but the attack still left him staggered. Before he could recover, Margaret summoned again, this time calling - Okuninushi, wasn't it? – and immediately crashing down a powerful Ziodyne. Souji lunged sideways, trying to dodge, but the blast threw him heavily to the floor.
He rolled over onto his knees, card already in his palm. "Yoshitsune!"
With a snarl, Yoshitsune charged across the dais and cleaved his sword through Okuninushi in four, six, eight long strokes. As Okuninushi sputtered out of existence, one of Margaret's cards dropped to the floor. She grabbed another. "Loki! Niflheim!"
Even standing back from the fight, Kanji could feel the torrent of ice; shards of it were landing at his feet. Souji hadn't had time to summon. He was on his hands and knees, a faint figure in swirling, snowy white. The ice storm passed, and again Margaret evoked. "Ardha!"
This was _stupid_. What were they supposed to do, watch Senpai get his ass handed to him? Kanji could feel himself straining forward just as Rokuten Maoh strained at the edges of his mind, demanding to know why they weren't fighting too. Glancing over his shoulder, the others looked equally torn. Yosuke still had one hand out, like he was about to evoke, and Rise had turned deathly pale.
"She's too strong, we have to stop this!" Rise said. "We have to—"
The rest was cut off in a roar of sound and a searing burst of light. Though Kanji mercifully blanked out the Megidolaon's impact, he still felt each bruising smack as he tumbled back down the steps, Yosuke and Yukiko falling along with him in a tangle of limbs.
Damn – if the splash damage had been enough to knock them flying, what about Souji? Kanji groaned, trying to open his eyes and sit upright as Rokuten Maoh crashed around inside his head, telling him to _get up_, stop being such a fricking wuss, Senpai needed his—
"Guys! Are you okay?"
He wrenched his eyes open. Chie was halfway down the steps, body half-twisted like she didn't know whether to help them up or go back to Souji.
"N-No," Yosuke managed, though it ended in a shuddering groan. "My shoulder, it's…dammit, it _hurts_…"
Yukiko climbed stiffly to her feet. "Don't worry, I've got you. Amaterasu!"
As a Mediaharan crested through them – a warm glow in his bones, easing away the throbbing pain - Kanji's eyes flickered shut again, just for a moment. He opened them to see Chie turning back toward the dais.
"We've gotta help Souji!" she said. "No way am I waiting here just watching him get—there's just no way!" She ran back up the steps, blue light already surrounding her hand. "_Suzuka Gongen_!"
Yukiko reached out after her. "W-Wait! Margaret said we—"
"I don't care what she said," Yosuke growled, still gingerly clutching his shoulder. "Souji can't take her alone. What other choice do we have?"
Too right. Kanji pulled himself from the floor and stumbled up the steps. He reached the top just in time to catch a small white figure materialize beside Naoto and shoot toward Margaret. Wasn't that Naoto's new Persona? He'd figured she might've got a _bigger_ one, but—
He shook his head. No time for that. He held his breath and crushed his card in his hand. "Rokuten Maoh!"
Behind him, Rokuten Maoh blasted into being. The big guy looked much the same as he had in Kanji's mind and in the glimpse he'd caught back in December: a burlier, fire-red version of Take-Mikazuchi, clutching a jagged blade in place of the latter's lightning bolt. He lurched forward and brought the sword crashing down, sending streams of electricity racing toward Margaret. The impact knocked her back, and another of the cards floating around her dropped lifelessly to the ground. Suzuka Gongen followed through with a lunge of her spear that Margaret barely dodged – buying enough time for Kanji to dash forward and haul Souji up from the floor. "C'mon, Senpai!"
"N-No," Souji muttered, half-draped from Kanji's shoulder. "I'm…supposed to—"
"_Senpai, you can't do this alone!_" Rise had evoked too, a new Persona standing at her back. "_We're not letting you!_"
Ted quickly called Kamui and cast a Diaharan; still holding Senpai up, Kanji could feel the cool wave wash over them both. "It's okay, Sensei!"
Souji stumbled away from him. "But she said I—"
"Thunder Reign!"
A thunderous rumble, a flash of lightning – and something round and heavy slammed into Kanji head on, knocking him to the floor. He landed badly, hitting his head and dizzying himself. Vague sounds of battle continued around him – people shouting, the roar and crackle of magical energy – until finally he came back to his senses to find Ted sprawled insensate on top of him.
"Get offa me!" he snapped as he shoved at Ted's bulky form. On the other side of the dais, he could see Margaret charging up for an attack, energy racing over her body. She had fewer cards surrounding her now – maybe that was the key? Make it so she couldn't summon? – but whatever she fired out next was going to hurt bad.
Worse, she looked like she was _enjoying_ it. Eyes narrowed, she smiled. "You will honor me by fighting as though you mean to kill. To hold back would be nothing short of insulting! Helel, Morning Star!"
Rise might not have been scanning Margaret, but her hearing was just fine. "_Uh-oh - everyone guard!_"
...Which Kanji couldn't do with Ted on top of him. He grit his teeth, screwed his eyes shut, and braced for impact.
It never came. The terrible, familiar sound of almighty magic was there, the burst of light, the rush of wind that accompanied it – stronger this time, even more than the last Megidolaon, to the point where the air seemed to ripple with energy - yet there was no pain. As the last traces of the spell dissipated, he opened his eyes to see Yamato Takeru floating in front of him and Ted, the Persona's body fizzing and crackling with static. Beside him, Naoto was on her knees, guarding just as Souji had instructed but watching Kanji carefully. When she caught his eye, she gave a firm nod, and laboriously pushed herself to her feet.
She'd just saved his and Ted's hides, no question. Ted was gradually waking, and Kanji was finally able to roll him to one side. While Yukiko helped the bear up, Souji evoked. "Trumpeter! Debilitate!"
As Trumpeter raised its horn, Yosuke's new Persona – a blue, souped-up version of Jiraiya - uncurled into the air and hurled out a violent Garudyne. Kanji instinctively knew he didn't have to be afraid of wind magic anymore, that Rokuten Maoh could take it, but watching Margaret get slammed with the fierce, twisting gust still made him feel slightly sick. She dipped down and almost hit the floor, but pulled herself back up and snatched a card. Siegfried again. Kanji quickly summoned, ready for Rokuten Maoh to take the brunt of her next attack. Waves of fire tore over the dais, unbearable heat and smoke clogging the air. Before the magic could start to fade, Rokuten Maoh lunged forward and smashed down his sword. The blow didn't catch Margaret directly, but the shockwave knocked her back and left her open to a follow-through Bufudyne from Souji's own Loki.
Another card fell. They could _do_ this.
_"Keep at it, guys!_" Rise's voice echoed in his head. "_I think taking out those cards drains her power!"_
Still flickering, Yamato Takeru flashed through the air. In his weakened state, he was easily swatted aside by Cu Chulainn – Naoto flinching with the impact – but the distraction was enough for a revived Ted to shoot off a volley of ice shards. Yet another card dropped to the floor: two remaining.
Suzuka Gongen whirled her spear then spiked it forward. Margaret dodged with inhuman speed, twirled aside from Amaterasu's misaimed Agidyne, and reached for another card. Her hand never made it. Souji had summoned his own Cu Chulainn, and the Persona swung his spear in a wide arc, the hilt slamming into her and flinging her off the back of the dais. As she vanished from view, Souji ran forward, eyes wide with panic.
Yosuke gaped. "Holy crap, a fall like that..."
...But wasn't she supposed to be able to fly or something? She'd been floating earlier, right? The whole team had been whaling on her, so it wasn't like she couldn't take a hit, but a nine-floor plummet was a whole different matter. Kanji dashed forward too, toward the edge of the platform – and straight into a thrashing, whirling blizzard. It _hurt_: ice biting into his skin, chilling him to the bone even through his clothes. Though his eyes were nearly screwed shut against the hail, he could still make out Margaret flying up over the dais with Loki at her back, a single card rotating around her – and Souji, standing upright at the center of the storm, a second Loki hovering behind him.
Kanji had already dropped to his hands and knees. Wait it out, just had to wait it out, but why was it lasting so long?
A hand grabbed his arm. He glanced sideways to see Naoto on one knee beside him, blindly clutching at his sleeve. She'd followed Souji too, he realized, and was trying to pull Kanji back out. He pushed himself up, slung an arm around her as they moved, and staggered out of the ice-storm toward the steps.
The ice-storm whirled around Souji, hail and sleet pounding against him – then died in an instant, Margaret's Loki vanishing along with it. In his place appeared the same figure Kanji had glimpsed earlier: golden, majestic Helel. The Persona raised its hands, ready to call down another crushing almighty attack.
Souji got there first. He summoned his own Helel in a flash and cast Megidolaon at the same instant Margaret's Helel did the same. With two spells cast at once, the thundering sound of almighty magic would be even louder. Kanji clasped his hands over his ears and waited for the racket to end.
It never started. The two spells met in the middle in a burst of blinding light, as each Persona vied to dominate the other - but after only a few seconds, Souji's Helel was flickering with static. Souji himself was grimacing, one hand pressed against his head. Kanji started forward, held out his hand – but before he could call Rokuten Maoh, Yosuke summoned Susano-O, Kamui rolling into the air almost at the same instant. They cast as one: Garudyne from Susano-O, Bufudyne from Kamui, and the two spells were perfectly timed. Kanji winced as a blast of huge frozen spikes, as violent as Loki's storm, slammed into Margaret's Helel and speared it twice through its chest. Golden light shone from the wounds, disrupted by static. It was the last glimpse Kanji caught of the Persona before Souji's Megidolaon finally broke through.
Man, he should've kept his hands over his ears. The roar went on for what felt like ages, even shook the dais – and when the noise and light finally abated, Margaret was kneeling on the floor, her book beside her, her lips still curved in a smile.
"Impressive," she said, slowly rising to her feet. "You, a human, won against me, one who rules over power..."
"But I didn't win alone," Souji said with a shake of his head.
She chuckled. "Precisely."
Realization flashed over his face, followed by a sheepish smile. "…Ah. I should've seen that coming, right?"
"I promised I would offer you what assistance I could, should you prove yourself. You did so admirably. Here." Margaret held out her closed hand, then opened it to reveal a golden light. Souji reached out in turn and she placed something into his upturned palm.
Souji frowned at his glowing hand. "What is it?"
"A crystal of power, nurtured by you throughout your journey. It will allow you to see the truth without being swayed by hollow rumours."
"Rumours aren't the problem," he protested. "It's that I can't _remember_."
"Truth only appears to those who have observed, considered, and made a choice," Margaret said, as she picked up her book and clutched it to her hip. "At the end of the path you chose lies the truth. Believe in it, and continue without faltering."
Souji nodded slowly. "That's, uh, very vague of you." Then he closed his fist and slipped whatever she'd given him into his jacket pocket. "Any chance you could be more specific?"
"No."
Chie let out a sigh. "Figures."
Head tipped slightly, Souji studied Margaret carefully. "You enjoyed that battle, didn't you?"
She smiled again. "Perhaps."
"What's _wrong_ with you?" Rise snapped. "Senpai could've died if we hadn't stepped in!"
"Yet you did, and our battle was instead invigorating to all involved." Margaret paused, tapping her long fingernails against the cover of her book, then looked Souji in the eye. "Before my sister left, she told me this. A soul slumbers at the ends of the world, that of a young man who devoted himself to becoming a seal. That soul is risking itself to prevent mankind from calling down ultimate destruction. She told me she was going to save him from that fate, that she would combine her powers with those who bonded with that soul to enact a miracle." She stepped toward Souji, stroked a finger along his jaw. "You have many bonds of your own. But should your own soul become isolated, and you lose everything – then just as Elizabeth did for the other boy, so I shall do for you."
"Thank you," Souji said quietly.
"No, I must thank you. Of all the humans I've encountered until now, you shook my soul the most. Let us meet again, Souji." With that, Margaret turned away. She held out her hand, moved it as if turning a door knob – and a glowing blue door materialized in front of her. She stepped through without looking back, and once the door had closed behind her, it vanished.
Yosuke idly flipped a knife in his hands, watching the spot where the door had been. "So, that was weird."
"I need to thank all of you, too," Souji said. "There's no way I could have taken her down one-on-one." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Which I guess she already knew."
"Man, we just got totally played," Kanji grumbled. He kind of got why – Margaret had wanted to test them, after all – but it left a bad taste in his mouth nonetheless.
Rise folded her arms with indignation. "She had no right to mess with us like that! Who the heck does she think she is?"
"A very, very powerful woman," Souji said absently.
It seemed like he'd meant to continue the sentence; Yukiko stepped in to finish it. "But together we proved ourselves, right?"
"Yeah, we did!" Chie agreed. "Good work, guys!"
"And nice work bailing out Kanji, Naoto," said Yosuke, with a smirk that made Kanji contemplate putting a boot in his mouth. "Got a soft spot for him, huh?"
Yukiko frowned, first at Naoto, then at Kanji. "Well, of course she does. Aren't they together now?"
…Oh, crap.
Kanji blinked. "Uh."
The entire group had fallen silent. Yosuke was suddenly very interested in the floor, Chie looked like she might be about to drag Yukiko away for her own good, and Rise was looking everywhere except at Kanji or Naoto. Yukiko just looked confused, Ted was indignant, and Souji – Souji didn't even appear to be listening, but what good did that do? Kanji glanced wildly at Naoto. She'd tipped down her cap and turned slightly to the side, but he could still glimpse a full-face blush that rivaled Yukiko's cardigan.
"…Oh," Yukiko said quietly, and winced at the elbow Chie jabbed into her ribs.
"It – It isn't like—" Naoto began, still half-turned away, but Ted got there first.
"Nao-chan helped _me_ too," he pointed out. "Doesn't that mean I get to score with her just like Kanji-chan?"
By this point, Kanji was amazed Naoto hadn't erupted in flames. "H-He hasn't—!"
"Never mind that," Souji cut in, voice urgent. "We have to leave. I – think I've just remembered something."
* * *
_Not now_, had been all that Naoto had mumbled at Kanji on the way out of Junes. Which probably meant not ever, which in turn meant they were going to keep on pretending nothing had happened. Dammit, how long had the rest of the team known? He'd kind of seen it coming – after all, Rise had figured it out already, and Souji had probably known all along - but now even the oblivious Amagi Challenge had them pegged?
It wasn't Yukiko's fault, he knew that. She'd just been speaking the truth. If anyone, Naoto was the one to blame – but just thinking that felt wrong, like he was betraying her somehow. Like he wasn't taking her feelings into account. Like he might lose her, if he wasn't careful.
"Where are we going, Sensei?" Ted asked. It'd started raining while they were in the TV, in heavy, fat drops that splattered against the cheap Junes-brand umbrellas they'd had to pick up before heading across town.
"Moel gas," Souji told him. "_That's_ where I went when I first arrived in town. Something happened to me there."
"You sure?" Yosuke asked. "I mean, that's kind of vague, you know?"
"And it seems like a long shot," Chie said. "Whoever was there on the day you showed probably won't remember it a year later."
Souji's shrug looked far from casual. "I know - but I don't have anything else to go on."
It wasn't long before they arrived at the gas station. Due to the weather and the late hour, the shopping district was deserted, save for one person: a long-haired guy Kanji had seen only once or twice before, manning the petrol pumps at Moel.
...Thinking about it, hadn't it been raining the other times Kanji had seen him? Weird to only work outside on rainy days. Souji seemed a little freaked out too, wide-eyed gaze fixed firmly on the attendant as he inspected the data screen on one of the pumps.
The guy noticed them, then. Though his face was only partly visible beneath the brim of his baseball cap, Kanji could still see him break into a lopsided smile. "Hi there, welcome to Moel. Do you need something?"
"It was you," Souji said, quick and quiet and firm. "You - did something to me."
_Way to cut to the chase, Senpai_. The attendant raised an eyebrow. "...'Did something'?"
"When I arrived here. Same as you did to Adachi and Namatame."
The attendant didn't seem fazed. He just smiled that same strange, uneven smile, and shrugged. "I welcomed you to town. Don't you remember?"
"I remember everything, now," Souji insisted. He'd braced himself, falling into a fighting stance. "_You_ gave me the power."
Chuckling, the attendant tipped back his cap. "Ah, I've been waiting for you, Souji Seta. Dreams, half-memories…I'd wondered whether they'd lead you here."
"I don't get this," Yosuke cut in, turning from Souji to the attendant. "Do you have something to do with—"
"Namatame, Adachi, Seta - I am the one who awakened the power dormant within you three." The attendant held out his hand, as if motioning to shake. "Just like _this_."
On the final word, Souji gasped in pain and dropped to one knee. Rise darted forward and knelt down beside him, clutching at his arm. "Senpai!"
"The hell'd you do to him?" Kanji snarled.
"All it takes is a gentle push," the attendant – or whoever or whatever he really was – continued. "A handful of strangers were more than sufficient to stimulate a small place like this. Enough to envelop this town with fog, and later lift it - but why do you stand before me now?"
"To...learn the truth," Souji managed through gritted teeth. "Who are you really?"
The attendant shook his head dismissively. "Grasping for the truth accomplishes nothing."
"I need...to know! Who _are_ you?"
With that, Souji thrust his hand in his pocket and pulled out the glowing object Margaret had given him. It wasn't _doing_ anything other than giving off that same golden light as before, and Souji didn't seem to know what else to do with it. The attendant quirked an eyebrow, then chuckled again.
"Ah, I see. You awakened to a power I had not imagined - and now you stand before me with it. Perhaps this is fate." He tilted his head, watching Souji with an idle sort of interest. "Very well."
And from nowhere, the fog rolled in.
Three months on, Kanji still hadn't forgotten how it had felt; the way the air seemed to congeal around you, masking sight and muffling sound. TV world fog was unmistakable. The light from the streetlamps was swallowed by the murky grey, casting the group into near-darkness – but they could still see the figure floating over them, just above the place where the attendant had been standing. He – no, _she_ – was clad entirely in white, with skin nearly as pale again.
"_I...am Izanami_," she said.
Naoto drew a sharp breath. "The goddess..."
Souji pushed himself to his feet. Kanji watched his fists clench. "So, you're behind all this."
"Wait, she is?" Yosuke frowned. "But what about that other thing we fought? The ruler of the fog?"
"_Ameno-sagiri is merely an aspect of myself that I birthed long ago. But I can no longer ignore this situation as mere foolishness, when it may be fate decreed by the world._" Izanami's voice was calm, though not without a note of curiosity."_This time, I shall pit my full strength against you._"
Ameno-sagiri had been tough enough, and that was just _part_ of her? Kanji shook his head. "But last time we nearly—"
"_Izanagi._" It took a moment to realize she was talking to Souji. "_Will you show me honour, as you failed to do before?_"
Souji stared up at her. His hands had uncurled at his sides. "...Yes."
"_Then find me. I will be waiting for you in that other world._"
There was no big thunderclap or flash of light. Just a quiet sound, like a piece of glass cracking – and Izanami vanished, the fog dissipating as quickly as it had arrived.
"Whoa." Yosuke let out a whistle. "That was even weirder than Margaret."
Chie shrugged a little helplessly. "Well...we figured out who's behind it all, at least?"
"Yes," said Naoto. "A god who wants a fight."
Yosuke rolled his eyes then grinned. "When do they ever wanna do anything else? Either they're Personas fighting with us or they're bad guys fighting against us. Not much difference."
"There's a huge difference," Naoto shot back. "She is a _goddess_, Yosuke-senpai. Any good student of Japanese mythology would know Izanami as—"
"Yeah, I know. I was in that lecture back on Port Island too. She's a goddess of creation and death, the ruler of Yomi, blah blah. It doesn't _matter_," he insisted, gesturing for emphasis. "If we don't go after her, we'll never figure out what was really happening here this past year. Hell, the fog just came back! Who's to say that won't happen again, and permanently?"
Souji gave a sharp nod. "Agreed. I need to confront her. I need to find out what she wants from him."
"We," Yosuke corrected. "And we just need to beat her, that's all. We'll be lying to ourselves if we say the case is closed now."
"I – I don't know about this." Rise had wrapped her arms around herself, probably as much for comfort as against the early spring chill. "Even without Kanzeon, I could sense how powerful she was. She makes that Margaret look like an ordinary Shadow."
Chie eyed Souji carefully. "You really think we can beat her?"
"We can try," he said. "I care about this town, and the people in it. I want it to be safe. I'll face whatever it takes to make sure that happens, gas station goddesses included."
"Okay. Okay!" Chie hopped back and punched a fist into her palm. "So we do this tomorrow, right?"
Souji's gaze drifted over each of them in turn. "I'm sorry to have to ask you all twice in one day – but are you up for this?"
Nods of assent came in response, along with a much needed, emphatic "Hell yeah!" from Chie.
"I think Margaret was a pretty good warm-up, right?" Yosuke said with a grin. It was to his credit, Kanji figured, that it only looked slightly forced.
"To say the least." Likewise, Souji's smile only made it halfway there. "We're as ready as we'll ever be. Head home, everyone, and we'll meet at Junes tomorrow afternoon."
As the group began to filter away, Kanji laid a hand on Naoto's shoulder. "Yo, wait a sec."
She didn't look up at him. Wasn't a good sign. "Yes."
What he wanted to say was: _it's okay, it doesn't matter that they know_. What came out was, "Just wanted to say thanks. For helping me earlier."
"Of course."
Like she would've believed him even if he _had_ said it. The idea of people finding out about them was still anathema to her – but they _had_ found out, so she had to get used to it, right? He sighed, dropping his hand to his side, and rolled his shoulders. "I – look, I got nothing to do rest of the evening. We could still hang out."
"We're both tired," she said flatly. "We should go home as Souji-senpai instructed."
He shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. "Naoto, I think we've gotta—"
"Why did you tell them?" She was finally staring up at him now, blue-grey eyes narrowed and accusing.
Kanji jolted, startled. "I-I didn't, man, I swear."
"You must have. Otherwise they wouldn't—"
He grabbed her hand, looked her dead in the eye. "I just told you, I _didn't_. But they know now, so we gotta deal, yeah?" He sighed, hand still gripping hers. "They – shit, they don't even care, why would they? Why would you?"
She pulled away. "It – it _changes_ things. The team dynamic, it's—"
"S'got nothing to do with that! You're just – I dunno. Ashamed, or whatever." Then, because he wasn't quick enough to catch himself, because right now it made a horrible, twisted sort of sense, "If it was Senpai you were with, you wouldn't be like this."
For a second, Naoto looked stunned – then furious. She jabbed a finger against his chest. "That is a ridiculous assertion!"
"Um, Kanji-kun, Naoto-kun?" Distracted, he hadn't even noticed Yukiko approach. "You, um, probably shouldn't be arguing in the street."
"...W-We're not arguing," Naoto objected, though a little halfheartedly, her anger clearly deflated. She turned back to Kanji, though she didn't meet his gaze. "I – I'm sorry. I didn't intend to raise my voice."
"S'fine," he said reflexively. "I—"
There was no time to finish; Naoto was already turning away. "I need to leave now. Goodnight."
She headed south in short, quick strides, past the bus stop – was she planning on walking the whole way home? – and across the road. A part of Kanji debated following, another wanted to yell at her to stop being an idiot, but the rest of him figured that both options were dumb and that what Naoto needed to do right now was cool off.
He turned to Yukiko. "Sorry 'bout that. She's pissed that people know."
"I – I'm sorry. I just thought – everyone already knew. There are so many rumours at school and it seemed to make sense that you'd both be..." Yukiko trailed off, biting her lip. "Was I wrong?"
Kanji let out a heavy sigh and scuffed his foot against the ground. "No, you weren't."
"Then Naoto-kun just doesn't want people to know?" Yukiko paused, looking thoughtful. "I...suppose I can understand that."
"You can?"
"Well, I'd be anxious about it too. And Naoto-kun...well, from what she told us and the way she was before she joined the team, I - don't think she gets how people's feelings work, you know? Especially her own." Yukiko tilted her head with a frown. "She's probably scared."
Worst part was, Yukiko was on point. Kanji couldn't claim to fully understand Naoto, but he got plenty of parts, even when he didn't really want to and even though the knowledge didn't keep him from screwing up anyway. Yukiko had just voiced out loud what he already knew. Of course Naoto was scared shitless; if nothing else, her leaving Inaba had proved that. And hell, he knew the feeling, to the point where his chest ached with sympathy. But the way she expressed it – the secrecy, the paranoia, the arbitrary lines she drew in the sand – fed into all of his own insecurities. Buying into the _she's-too-good-for-me_ deal was way easier than facing up to the truth: that Naoto had no idea what she was doing, that he was almost as clueless again, and that between the two of them they stood to break a lot of stuff.
...But that, he figured, was part of being with someone – which this was his first attempt at doing, in a case where both parties had some pretty major interpersonal failings. Screw sunshine and rainbows, they were lucky to have made it two steps out the gate.
He ran a hand through his hair, limp from the damp air, and looked back at Yukiko. "Thought Rise was supposed to be the one who sees through people," he said, mustering a smile.
"I do pay _some_ attention." Yukiko's forehead creased into a frown. "Just not enough. I'm sorry I made things difficult."
"Not your fault. What were you supposed to do, pretend you didn't know forever?" He shook his head. Maybe that was what everyone else had planned on doing, but it'd be plain stupid. "Better that everything's out in the open, 'specially if we're gonna go throw down with a god tomorrow."
Her face paled, colour draining in an instant. "Yes. Especially." Then she shook her head. "We – should go home and prepare, I suppose."
The rain was already easing off. "Yeah. Later, Yukiko-senpai." With that he turned and walked down the street, back toward the textiles shop.
* * *
The air was warm and stale, and smelled like – he wasn't sure. It was pungent, maybe slightly sweet, but the surroundings were too dim to tell the source.
He stepped forward. The ground felt wet and uneven beneath his bare feet. He could sense rather than see the fog, too familiar with the way it clung to his skin and seeped in with every breath. Except the fog had been driven out months ago, he realized in a startling moment of clarity – which faded the next instant. The smell was growing worse as he walked: sickly sweet and putrid.
_Defy mankind's wishes, and you are destined to be trapped here forever._
Though it seemed to come from inside his skull, the voice was familiar. He couldn't place where. Some time recently, something important he'd been told...
He caught a sudden noise ahead of him, then a flare of light in the fog.
The first thing he noticed was the blood pooled around his feet. As the fog rolled back, he realized it was covering the rocky ground – and dripping from the bodies suspended a meter in the air ahead. Each one was surrounded by flies and crawling with maggots, to the point they were unrecognizable - almost. The clothes, he'd seen before. One in particular – dressed all in blue – was horribly, bizarrely familiar, to the point where his stomach churned with overwhelming nausea. He bent double, ready to throw up, but nothing came out except bile. When he straightened, another figure was standing ahead, motionless but alive. Grey-haired, which was again familiar, though in a way that made him feel safe and reassured - until the hum of magic throbbed through him and the air behind the figure burst into life.
The figure lifted a hand, and the masked creature behind swiveled its spear.
_Defy mankind's wishes, and you are all destined to fall but him._
As he staggered back through pools of blood, his head was spinning. This person was trustworthy, his mind told him, his mentor. Yet another voice in his head spoke louder: a deep rumbling that used no words but rang out as a warning.
Kanji lifted his head. The figure was laughing, the creature rippled with electricity, and the hanging bodies' hollowed-out eyes just wouldn't stop staring – all of which vanished when the spear thrust forward and plunged through his chest.
* * *
His eyes snapped open.
...Holy crap, what had _that_ been about?
The room was dark and too hot - sweat beading on his forehead, sheets tangled around his legs – and it felt like his heart might hammer straight through his ribs, a sharp stab of pain with every beat. He gulped for air, fists clenched so tightly his nails dug into his palms, and tried desperately to even out his breathing. Dammit, dammit, just a stupid nightmare, no reason to lose it so bad, no need to get so—
Except it'd felt ten times more real than any other dream he'd ever had...and yet still somehow like the others that'd visited him throughout the year. There'd been the fog, and Izanagi. Visceral and terrifying as this nightmare had been, it felt like it hung together with all the rest. Like all of this had been building up for months, and maybe longer. How long had Izanami been expecting Souji to come for her? Since the start? Maybe the dreams had just been a way to lure him out, but then why put the whole team through them?
Or maybe the dreams were just that. Meaningless. Kanji wanted to think so – but right now, believing it was difficult.
He sat up and fumbled around for his phone. He'd unclenched his fists but the shake in his hands still made him miss the buttons twice as he tried to pull up Naoto's number. The phone rang only once before she picked up.
"Hey. S'me," he said, before she could speak. "Sorry, I know it's—"
"_I was awake. Did you—_"
"Yeah." He swallowed. "Yeah."
"_It was – different, yet similar to the other dreams."_
"Just clearer. Too clear."
"_I suspect Izanami is sending us a message, as she has most likely been doing for months_."
"Woulda been nice if she let us sleep the night before we go to kick her ass, huh?"
Naoto sighed quietly. _"I suppose it's more than we could expect."_
They lapsed into silence, Kanji scrambling for something else to say. Naoto was the one to break it.
_"If – if that's all, Kanji, I'll—"_
"I love you."
Crap. That was a mistake. He was tired and freaked out, blurting out stuff he didn't mean.
...No, not stuff he didn't mean. Stuff he meant all too much but that might scare Naoto off – and probably had. The silence on the other end of the line was deafening. Kanji couldn't even hear her breathing.
"Shit, s-sorry," he stumbled. "You - don't have to say it back." He took a deep breath. "But I do."
Yet more silence, stretching out for what felt like hours - until she finally spoke. "_I – I know. I—"_
"I just – I guess I had to say it." He tried for a rough chuckle. "Y'know, since we're facing down a god tomorrow an' all."
_"Today. It's already two a.m." _A pause._ "You're not going back to sleep."_
And face Izanami's horror show all over again? "No way."
"_I won't either._" She took a breath, barely audible through the phone. "_I'm – at the apartment. You could—"_
"You want me to—?"
_"Or I-I could come to—"_
"N-No way. Ma would kill us both." Didn't matter how badly either of them needed company, needed someone who _got_ it. "I – I'll head over to you, yeah?"
_"...Very well. I'll see you soon."_
* * *
One hour later, he was sitting on the sofa in the living room of Naoto's small apartment, elbows resting on his knees.
Two cups of tea were on the low table in front of him. He'd picked his up and put it down again three or four times in the last five minutes, just for something to do other than stew in his thoughts. Naoto had disappeared into the bedroom immediately after making the drinks, leaving him alone. It was ten minutes later, enough time for the tea to cool completely, before she eventually resurfaced.
His eyes were drawn to the box in her hand. It was small and square, and a brilliant blue. "What's that?"
She placed the box on the table. "A gift," she said, as she knelt on the other side.
A gift? "Thought you were mad at me."
"It's...complicated. Open the box."
Brow furrowed, Kanji lifted the lid. Inside, nestled in white tissue paper, was a black digital watch - thick and clunky-looking with a square face. The time read _03:17 _in blocky green numbers. "This is for me?"
"Press the top button on the right side," Naoto instructed.
When he did, the display changed. "It says one-point-one-em."
"One-point-one meters." She held up her other hand, showing the identical watch on her wrist. "It's – how far away we are from each other."
He blinked. "Oh. Right."
"I mean, the p-precision is lacking, I could only fit the distance to one decimal place while still including the unit, and the transmitter and sensor ranges are both limited so it won't work unless we're relatively close." She took a breath. "But I – I thought we could both wear them in any case. So each of us will know where the other is."
Okay, so that'd come out a little...well, stalker-ish. But when Kanji put the pieces together – the quiet and sincere way Naoto had said it, the fact that nobody had ever made him anything before, the idea that she cared enough to wonder where he was – he couldn't help grinning back. "This is all so I can't sneak up on you, right?" he said, slipping the watch over his wrist.
Naoto frowned. "...No."
"I know, I know." He tested a few of the other buttons, flicking between the time, the date, and the distance. She'd said she made stuff, but this was a whole other level. "Thanks, Naoto. This is the coolest gift I ever got."
"It was intended for White Day," she said softly. "But...I thought. What we're doing later today, it could—"
"Hey. Don't." They couldn't afford to start thinking that way. His stomach lurched, as if the thought itself had plunged into his body and twisted it into knots. "We're all gonna be fine. We're always fine."
She stared at the table, biting her lip, then lifted her gaze. "Do you truly believe that?"
He swallowed hard. "I've got to, y'know?"
Naoto studied him for a long moment, expression unreadable. Then she stood up from the floor, moved to kneel beside him on the sofa. With two fingers against his chin, she tilted his head toward her and pressed a lingering kiss to his mouth. When they broke away, Kanji hesitated, feeling like he should say something, uncertain of what that something should be – then dipped his head forward and leaned his forehead against hers. He'd grabbed her left hand without thinking, twining their fingers together.
Naoto said nothing. Her breath was warm and unsteady as she raised her free hand to the back of his head, thumb brushing the hair at the nape of his neck.
A dozen thoughts raced through his mind – questions about why she acted the way she did, apologies for needing to ask, even how pissed off Ma would be if she knew he was here – but one shoved its way to the front: a familiar, almost piercing gratitude that he was perhaps the only one allowed to know Naoto could be this gentle and unguarded.
"Don't go," she blurted, fingers tightening around his.
"I - I can stay till morning."
Didn't really answer the question, he knew that - but she still raised her head and kissed him again, all the usual hesitation gone. Some distant part of him still wanted to talk, to hash things out; the rest relaxed into the kiss by degrees. Naoto slipped an arm around his back, using his weight to shift herself closer. Eventually she pulled back and tugged him into a tight embrace, her chin resting on his shoulder.
"You're right. We'll be fine," she told him, voice probably not as firm as she'd intended. Kanji was still desperately grateful for the effort.
After a moment, he pulled back. "But you still want me to stay?"
"...It isn't necessary," she said, staring down at her hands clasping her knees.
Kanji sighed, then ran his fingers through her short hair. "Who said it needed to be?"
* * *
When he woke again, dim light was filtering through the window blinds. For a moment he was disorientated, expecting his mind to be reeling from nightmares – but there was nothing.
He figured it was around seven in the morning; he couldn't be certain, since he couldn't dislodge his arm to check his new watch. For someone of his height, sleeping on the sofa had been uncomfortable. His neck felt stiff, his arm was numb, and his back ached like nothing else. Even so, he didn't move. Naoto was curled up beside him, back pressed to his front, with his free arm draped over her.
He dipped his head, pressed a kiss to the top of hers, and held her a little tighter.
45. Interlude 13
_(Belated warning for some violence and gruesome imagery in this one.)_
* * *
Naoto woke to heat, darkness, and the taste of iron and dirt in her mouth.
Though her head felt clogged, panic quickly set in. Something was weighing down her limbs, pressing against her skin, pushing down on her eyelids. Instinctively she tried to free her arms, fingers scrabbling at whatever she was covered—no. _Buried_ in. It was soil, that was the where the taste came from. There was dirt in her mouth and nose and her lungs were burning, her breath ragged and frantic and—
_(stop-calmdowncalmdown-think-clearly)_
Yamato Takeru. His voice was like birdsong, different to Sukuna-Hikona's buzz and yet the same. The soil was loose, so logically, there had to be air pockets. She clawed at it urgently, working her arms upward, searching for the surface, swallowing the urge to scream.
Finally, her right hand broke through to warm air. She groped around for something to hold on to and found what felt like the edge of a heavy stone. Gripping it was difficult from this angle, but the panic was building again, and with a strength born of desperation Naoto slowly dragged herself up through the dirt. She lunged through the surface, scattering it around her, and crawled out of her makeshift grave.
She'd expected to see light, but her surroundings were only dimly lit. Her body was torn between coughing violently and gasping for breath, and it took several minutes before she could register that she was in some sort of cave. Stalactites hung from the ceiling, and she'd grabbed on to part of a jutting rock formation. The only light came from a fiery torch about two meters above her, too little to tell how large the cave was.
Where was she? Why weren't the others—
Everything rushed up behind her, all at once. The fight. Izanami, skeletal arms reaching as she'd reared back. The dark pool that had appeared beneath Souji, and how Teddie had been the first to—
He'd been first, but he hadn't been the only one. Chie had been next. Then Kanji. Naoto had gone after that, and then most likely the others, Souji included. The thought gutted her, leaving behind a raw and bitter ache far too familiar to the one she'd felt eleven years ago, when Yakushiji had called her from her grandfather's study and haltingly explained what had happened to her parents. Then, as now, it seemed like the only sensible answer was to stop. To give up.
…Which her parents would never have condoned. Nor would the team.
_(standup-keepwalking-we're-stronger-now)_
Naoto pulled herself to her feet.
* * *
_The watch was more conspicuous than Naoto had anticipated during construction. It could still be hidden under her jacket sleeve though, and the others had so far been polite enough not to mention that Kanji now wore an identical model. _
_Up ahead, Rise and Kanzeon were leading them along a path of red tile, through the fog toward Izanami. The fog swallowed all sound, muffling even their footsteps. _
_"Not much further, guys," Rise said._
_"This place is—" Souji hesitated. "Familiar, I guess?"_
_"Duh, Senpai. It's foggy. That's pretty familiar to all of us."_
_Rise was trying to keep her voice light, but there was an undercurrent of tension that had been present since they'd entered the TV world. Kanzeon had instantly picked up on Izanami's presence, as strongly as if hundreds of Shadows were bearing down on the group. Factor in the dreams they'd all almost certainly had last night, and...well. Rise might be a good actress but she knew better than all of them exactly what they were going to face - which, Naoto reasoned, was precisely the reason she was trying and failing to sound optimistic. _
_Souji was walking alongside Rise, one hand resting on her shoulder. Teddie was trying to do the same with Yosuke, who kept shrugging him off. Off to the side, Chie and Yukiko were in quiet conversation. Finally, on the opposite side of the group, Kanji was walking in silence, metal shield tucked under his arm. _
_Naoto glanced at her watch. _3m.
_She looked back at Kanji, caught his eye – earning a nod and a lopsided smile – then turned her attention back to the path ahead._
* * *
The cave's corridors were maze-like and difficult to navigate. Yamato Takeru floated obediently beside Naoto as she walked, casting enough light for her to see three or four meters ahead and more than enough to illuminate the insects crawling the rocky walls. The air was warm and smelled sickly-sweet, yet tasted sour.
Izanami had killed them, and while mythology was not one of Naoto's typical areas of knowledge or interest, she'd done some research following the awakening of her Persona. Given the circumstances, she could guess where she had been sent. If she was dead, yet still aware, then presumably one or more of the others would be in the same predicament. It seemed like a long shot, but right now she was not above clinging to futile hopes. She continued walking, carefully checking for signs of other presences, until one of the corridors opened up into a large chamber. There were only two torches, both placed far higher up, meaning she still had to rely on Yamato Takeru for light. As she and her Persona moved further inside, she caught sight of a figure. Its head was tipped down and Yamato Takeru's light glinted off silver hair.
She quickened her pace. "Souji-senpai? Are you—"
Souji raised his head. Yellow eyes glowed in their sockets. "Hey, Naoto-kun."
* * *
_The orb in Souji's hands was glowing, its brightness rapidly increasing. He threw it into the air above him just as it split in two and spilled out brilliant white light. _
_Izanami lurched back, white robes flowing with the motion – then burst open. Dark red claws tore out of her chest, the colour of dried blood and attached to skeletal arms draped with rotting skin. The sharp vertebrae of her spine followed, ripping through her body as her shredded robes fell to the floor around her. What was left of the cloth hung limply around what appeared to be her neck – and above that, hair splayed out in tendrils, was a gaunt figure in the rough shape of a human, visible only from the torso up._
"I...am a god,"_ she said, a sound that reverberated through Naoto's skull. _"I will teach you the truth of your miniscule existences."
_Kanji had been on the floor, taken down by a powerful Bufudyne. Breathing hard, he stumbled to his feet. "...A god, huh? Bring it on!"_
"You cannot defeat me with strength alone. Soon, you will understand."
_Naoto readied her pistol out of habit; what use would it be against a god? Yamato Takeru was depleted and unable to cast Megidolaon, reducing him to a string of physical attacks that had left her exhausted. And now they had to fight this? Kanji's nerve was more absurd than commendable._
"We can do it, guys!" _Rise's voice, via Kanzeon. _"We'll prove she's wrong about us!"
_Rise didn't sound convinced. She wasn't the only one; they were hopelessly outmatched. It had been easier to be brave when they first encountered Izanami in her semi-human form, easier to insist she was wrong and that she had no right to recreate their world. But she was a goddess. One who had created the Midnight Channel and wrapped Inaba in fog, all to satisfy the unquestionable demands of humans. One who, according to myth, was involved in the creation of an entire country, and many of the gods and goddesses that followed._
_How could a gang of teenagers stand against that?_
* * *
"So, you finally got here," said Souji. "Had to dig yourself out, huh?"
Naoto tensed her jaw. "You knew I was there?"
"Yep." He tapped his temple. "I know everything about you. You spilled the whole deal to me, flaws and fears." He let out a laugh, casually cruel. "And then you died for me. Was it worth it?"
...It wasn't Souji. It was his Shadow. Except Souji had never had a Shadow, Yosuke and Teddie had both confirmed as much, so why was—
"You all try so hard for me. And you – you _love_ me, don't you?" He tilted his head. "Poor Kanji-chan just gets off on you trying to be a guy, but me – I'd be different. _You'd_ be someone different."
"I'm not _trying_ to be—" Naoto cut herself short, fists clenching at her sides. This might be Souji, but only a facet. And while she did love him, enough to die for him, it wasn't in the way his Shadow claimed. She'd been in love with the idea, the thought that her courageous, intelligent, competent Senpai might view her in the same terms.
But in a different world, perhaps she would've—
No. Thinking along those lines would leave her vulnerable. Yamato Takeru chirped at the edge of her mind, encouraging her, reminding her of the gains she'd made. "You're wrong," she said, forcing her voice steady. "I do not feel that way, and Kanji's opinions are none of your concern."
Souji's expression hardened. "Always living in denial, Naoto-_chan_. Disowning your thoughts, your feelings, your very self."
Souji – the _real_ Souji – had helped her work through her feelings, or so she'd hoped. It had felt clear-cut at the time – she was a woman, and a detective – but after the fact she could see the issue was far more complicated. The difference was that she was now willing to face it head-on, rather than throwing herself into a single identity. She was male and female, adult and child, with all the complexities that went with that. "I do not deny who I am," she said, forcing herself to leave off the _Senpai_. "Your true self helped me acknowledge the many facets of my own."
"Really?" Souji folded his arms. "You knew we had no chance against Izanami, right from the start, and yet you followed me here all the same. If that's not denial, what is?"
"You're right. I believe we all knew our cause was potentially hopeless." Naoto straightened her back. "But we have no choice. If we fail to stand against Izanami, if we aren't willing to take that risk, then our world will be lost in the fog."
"You speak like it isn't already."
"Whether or not I am alive, I remain aware. And while one of us remains standing, there is still hope."
Souji let out an exaggerated sigh. "While you remain standing, huh?" A card flashed into his palm. "Let's see if we can fix that."
* * *
_Izanami rose above them, decaying flesh and too many limbs. Her voice echoed through Naoto's bones._ "Accept the reality of your death."
_Darkness welled up at Souji's feet. It stretched upward in long fingers, a hand ready to clench around him. He lifted his sword as if to slash his way out – and was shoved to the side, landing on his hands and knees. In his place stood Teddie, the thin black claws almost absurd against the red and blue of his round suit. He turned to Souji, opened his mouth to speak, just before the hand clamped shut._
_Souji scrambled to his feet, lunging forward with a cry as the fingers dragged Teddie down into the dark. With nothing to grab, he stumbled, and another black pool appeared at his feet. _
_Chie was closest. She went more loudly than Teddie, yelling and cursing as the darkness wrapped around her legs and she desperately tried to kick her way out. The fingers climbed up and she launched a volley of vicious swipes and punches – all of which stopped when a thick tendril grabbed her head and sharply twisted sideways, snapping her neck. Souji was on his back and watching as she fell lifeless into the dark._
_Again the darkness welled beneath him. Kanji was already barreling toward him, one elbow raised._
_Even in the chaos of the fight, their deaths were almost orderly. _
* * *
At first, Naoto had been grateful that Souji's Shadow only seemed able to use Izanagi – but Ziodyne after searing Ziodyne had left her reeling. Yamato Takeru's abilities were made for clearing Shadow mobs, not a straight-up, one-on-one duel. He flickered with static above her, both of them weak from the physical attacks she'd fallen back on using. The Megidolaons had worked, but they were designed as a last resort: powerful attacks that hit hard but sapped her Persona's energy far too quickly.
Izanagi angled its spear and lunged forward. Yamato Takeru's small size made him a difficult target to hit but the tip of the spear still came perilously close. He darted sideways and upward, and used the last of his magical power to slam down a final Megidolaon. Light blazed, the cavern rumbled – and when Naoto's vision cleared, Izanagi had lurched back, Souji on his knees in response. She thought then that she might be victorious – until Izanagi threw out another Ziodyne, this one strong enough to blast her into the cavern wall.
She hit the ground convulsing, blood in her mouth from where she'd bitten her tongue. Yamato Takeru floated in front of her, shielding her from further attack; either she'd called him back subconsciously, or Personas instinctively protected their other selves. As the shock effect wore off, she sent him shooting forward, sword drawn. He dodged a swipe from Izanagi's spear, darted behind the other Persona, curved up and around its back – and sliced Izanagi's mask in two.
She hadn't known what to expect underneath the mask. A pair of shades and a spiral of red hair wouldn't have made the list. "S-Susano-O?"
And if Susano-O was here, then she was fighting… "Yosuke-senpai! Stop!"
Ahead of her, Souji had shifted into Yosuke's form, or perhaps the illusion that he was Souji had been dispelled. Naoto wasn't sure. She was more concerned by the fact that Susano-O appeared to be gearing up for another attack. "Yosuke-senpai!"
Susano-O paused, the winds of a budding Garudyne swirling around its hands – then vanished. Grimacing, Yosuke grabbed his head. He rubbed his eyes – why wasn't he wearing his glasses? – blinked, then stared at her. "W-Wait a sec - Naoto-kun?"
Naoto couldn't summon the energy to stand, instead using the rocky wall to pull herself into a sitting position. "Yes. P-Precisely."
Yosuke stumbled toward her. "Why were you—crap, I'm sorry! I thought you were Souji!" He winced. "And I know that sounds really, _really_ bad, but I can explain."
"No need. You thought his Shadow was attacking you, correct?"
"After he said a bunch of crap I wish I hadn't heard, yeah." He crouched down beside her and evoked again. Naoto closed her eyes as a Diarama breezed over her, gentle and cool. She opened them to see Yosuke cast the same magic on himself before Susano-O disappeared a second time. "When did you learn Ziodyne?" he asked.
"I didn't."
"You were using it the whole time!" Yosuke protested. "I'm stronger to it now, but dude, it still seriously hurt."
"I used Megidolaon and physicals. _You_ were the one using Ziodyne."
"How would I do that? All I've got is wind magic." His brow creased into a frown. "Unless – we just imagined it, because we thought we were fighting Souji?"
Naoto shook her head. "The electric shocks had physical effects. Convulsions, muscle spasms and the like. Something may well be twisting our energies to mimic Souji's attacks."
"…And by something, you mean Izanami?"
She swallowed, leaning her head back against the cavern wall. "I don't know."
Yosuke looked her up and down, frowning. "Dude, you're covered in dirt. What were you doing?"
"Nothing. Have you seen Ka—any of the others?"
Ideally, Yosuke would have been decent enough not to mention the slip. This, however, was Yosuke. "Haven't seen Kanji yet. You're the first person I found." He hesitated, watching her carefully. "What you said to him, before he went. I think he—"
Naoto stood, grabbing the rocks for support. "Let's keep moving. We need to locate Souji-senpai."
* * *
_The moment he pushed Senpai away, one of the dark tendrils was already snared around Kanji's leg._
_Naoto launched herself forward without thinking, evoking as she raced toward him. Yamato Takeru sliced the tendril in half but two more spiraled up and latched onto Kanji's thighs. She pulled out her pistol – useless against the goddess, just like everything else – and fired again and again, severing the shadowy fingers that kept sliding up from the darkness. For every one she sliced or shot through, two more appeared, then three more, then four. _
_She lunged forward and grabbed Kanji's hand._
_"Let go!" He tried to jerk away, but the tendrils held him in place. "Get outta here, Naoto!"_
Please, Naoto-kun, don't, don't, _Rise kept pleading._ _Naoto pulled hard, hard as she could, the muscles in her arms burning with the strain. Kanji was sinking further into the darkness, she knew she couldn't drag him out, she'd always been too weak, but what else was she supposed to do?_
_"Shit, I told you, let go! Why won't you just—"_
_"I love you," Naoto blurted. Her eyes were stinging (always too weak) and there was nothing she could do, he was in the pool up to his waist and the fingers were reaching for her now and—_
_Kanji freed his arm just long enough to lash out at her calves and send her tumbling backward. Naoto hit the floor, rolled over, watched as he twisted and thrashed. He grabbed one of the tendrils, tried to push it away – then lost his grip. The tendril reared back and plunged through his chest._
_Blood sprayed over the tiled floor. Far behind her, Souji was screaming. _
_Movement was impossible. Kanji had disappeared into the dark but she couldn't tear her eyes away. She didn't register that Souji was yelling her name until the fingers curled around her. Rise was sobbing, the sound merging with Yamato Takeru's desperate squawks in Naoto's mind. She snapped back to awareness. She'd dropped her gun at some point, but she fought all the same, jerking in the tendrils' grip, struggling against their pull, Kanji's death _hadn't_ been useless, she just needed to—_
_"Senpai!" she yelled. "Leave! Senp—"_
_One of the fingers speared through her throat, severed her spinal cord. Everything stopped._
* * *
Yamato Takeru led the way, their one source of light in the cave's dark corridors.
"Hey...Naoto," Yosuke said quietly. "Do you think we actually died?"
As yet, Naoto hadn't settled on an answer. Prior events and Izanami's role as a goddess meant they were indeed most likely dead. Then again, she'd been desperate for oxygen beneath the dirt. Had that been purely psychological? Their glasses were gone, so perhaps they were no longer in the physical world – but she'd still been able to hear and summon Yamato Takeru. She shrugged. "It's difficult to say."
"Yeah, I don't know what to think either. We'll ask the others. They have to be here somewhere," Yosuke said, though he didn't sound confident. "I'm seriously worried about Souji."
"Do you remember what happened to him?"
"Nope. After you – went, I tried to save him and those hands got me," he said, a tremble at the edge of his voice. "I remember one of them broke my leg, then my arm. Then nothing until I woke up here, covered in freaking maggots." He let out a weak laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "Dude, I am having a _really_ shitty day."
"You aren't alone, Yosuke-senpai."
"Yeah. I know." Yosuke paused. "That stuff Souji said. It wasn't you saying it, right? I mean, you didn't hear it or anything?"
Naoto shook her head. "No. I heard only what he said to me."
"So it was probably Izanami getting inside our heads again? Or Souji's Shadow?" Yosuke groaned. "I don't know which is worse."
"You said yourself that Souji never had a Shadow. Given the evidence so far, I think that—"
_Naoto-kun? Is that you?_
Naoto stopped walking. "Rise-chan?"
"Wait, you heard her too?" Yosuke asked. "Hey, Rise, where are you?"
_Oh, man...I _knew _I could hear you guys! I'm so, so glad you're okay! I don't know where I am, but Kanzeon says you're pretty close by._
"Don't worry." As usual, Naoto felt slightly absurd speaking out loud to someone who was nowhere to be seen. "We'll search the surrounding area."
Without knowing where they were, Rise was unable to provide firm directions. She could only tell them whether Kanzeon sensed their presence being closer, or further away. The improvised game of Hotter, Colder went on for quite some time before Yosuke and Naoto emerged into a small chamber, lit by a single torch on the wall. Chie was lying on the ground inside, her head resting in Rise's lap.
Yosuke cursed under his breath. "Is she okay?"
"I-I think so," Rise said. "Kanzeon doesn't sense anything wrong with her. It's like she just hasn't woken up yet." She pointed to the rear of the chamber. In the dim light, Naoto could make out two stone coffins side by side. "We...we were in those."
Yosuke let out a low whistle. "Okay, so _that's_ creepy."
Rise bit her lip. "Well, the lids were pushed aside, so I got myself and Chie-senpai out okay, but...yeah." She looked down at Chie. "I didn't want to leave her behind, so I was waiting for her to wake up."
"Let me try a Diarama," said Yosuke, card already in hand. Susano-O appeared, barely able to fit in the small cavern, and Chie's body was bathed in a blue-white glow. Nothing happened.
At a loss, Yosuke and Naoto both sat on the ground, and waited. Long minutes passed in silence before Chie finally stirred in Rise's lap. Her eyelids fluttered, then snapped open, and she stared up at Yosuke, eyes wide. "S-Souji? What're you—no, wait, you're—" Then she was rolling out of Rise's lap and scrabbling shakily to her feet. Immediately she fell into a fighting stance, gaze firmly on Yosuke.
He stood and raised both hands, palms outward. "Hey, hey! What's wrong?"
Rise leapt up as well. "Chie-senpai! Stop!"
Chie watched Yosuke warily but made no move to attack. "Rise-chan, trust me. That isn't Souji, it's his Shadow!" She shot Yosuke a look of contempt. "Say what you want! I'm not listening to any of it, got that?"
"Chie-senpai, please!" Rise stepped forward and tentatively laid a hand on Chie's arm. "It's Yosuke-senpai!"
Chie's eyes flickered toward her, then focused back on Yosuke. "...Then why am I seeing—" She glanced at Naoto, who was standing off to the side. "And the real Souji's here too? Did I wake up halfway through something?"
"No! Well, okay, yes, but—they aren't actually—"
"The same thing happened to us," said Yosuke. "Naoto and I had to throw down because of it."
Rise squeezed Chie's arm. "Souji-senpai isn't here, Chie-senpai. C'mon, of all people I'd be the one to know, right?"
Chie hesitated, gaze shifting between Yosuke and Naoto, then took a deep breath. "...Okay. You – you've got Kanzeon and all, so let's say you're right. How do I make the Shadow shut up?"
There was a long pause, as if Rise was uncertain how to answer. "Just...ignore him, I guess?"
"It isn't _working_! The stuff he's saying, none of it's true but he won't stop talking, and—"
Naoto darted forward, drew back her fist, and swung a right hook into Chie's face.
Chie yelped and staggered to the side, but didn't fall. She grimaced, blinked repeatedly, shook her head - then finally looked at Naoto. "...Wow, Naoto-kun."
"What?"
"Your punches _suck. _You and I need to do some serious training together, okay?" Her smile looked more than a little forced. "But thanks. No more Souji-Shadow."
Yosuke let out a breath. "Cool. Glad to hear it. Please don't threaten to kick my ass again?"
"No promises." She eyed him carefully. "It really is you, huh?"
"'Fraid so."
"Sorry…I should've realized earlier. It was just really convincing, you know?" Hands on hips, Chie looked around the cave. "Anyway, where the heck are we? What happened to—" She stopped, immediately paling. "Oh. I—right." Another smile, this one even weaker. "...So we died, huh?"
"It would appear so," said Naoto. Given Izanami's role in events, it seemed most likely they were in some representation of Yomi. But her theories were still embryonic, and, in a rare display of tact, she elected to focus on encouraging the others. "However, confusion over Souji's potential Shadow aside, we remain aware of our surroundings and events occurring within. If we keep clear heads and continue to think logically, and do not—"
"What Naoto-kun's eventually going to get around to saying," Rise cut in, "is that we might be able to get out of here."
"What about Souji?" Chie asked. "I mean, I got myself killed trying to save him, so is he okay?"
Rise shook her head, one hand clutching her opposite arm. "Once you guys were all...gone, there was nobody left to help him. The darkness dragged him down. After that, it got me." She shivered. "I remember feeling so cold it was painful, and then nothing until I woke up here."
"Suggesting Souji-senpai is most likely here too," said Naoto.
"I don't know. I can't hear him with Kanzeon." Rise hesitated, with a nervous glance at Naoto. "I – can't hear the others, either."
"Yukiko's fine," Chie shot back, as if on reflex.
"Yeah. They all are. They're probably just out of range or something." Yosuke nodded back toward the corridor. "Let's go find them."
* * *
_"So, you ready to go kick a god's ass tonight?"_
_Naoto shot Kanji a sharp glance. "It isn't as simple as that. Izanami is a powerful goddess, and yet you make it sound as—"_
_"I know, I know." He shrugged, then leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Just trying not to get too down 'bout it, I guess."_
_She looked at her watch, and switched it from distance to time. "We need to leave for school."_
_He stood from the sofa. "You wanna go in separately, right?" he asked quietly._
_If they didn't, others might assume they'd come from the same place, or at the very least would notice them walking together. Though she had many more important considerations right now, Naoto couldn't help cringing at the memory of what had happened inside the TV the previous evening, and the realization that the entire team knew about her and Kanji. Yet if they already knew, there was no purpose in continuing to hide. Logically, she understood that. Putting it into practice was quite different – but increasingly vital._
_She paused, biting her lip. "We…don't have to do that."_
_He glanced at her, then stared at the wall. "I don't wanna make you uncomfortable."_
_He didn't, and neither did he embarrass her. He was unconventional, but then so was she. Nor did she wish to be with Souji instead. Kanji had missed the real issue again and again, through no fault of his own; Naoto understood well enough the instinct to look for flaws in oneself when in truth they lay with those around you. He was simply blinded by his fears, just as she lacked the language to explain her own._
_They were teenagers, she had told herself, and both burdened by interpersonal failings. There were bound to be difficulties – but knowing this did not ease her sense of guilt._
_Kanji stood in the doorway, hand held out. "You ready?"_
* * *
In retrospect, they should have been more cautious – should have realized that nothing here was simple – but the moment Rise first located Souji, the real Souji, they all surged forward. Yamato Takeru and Naoto took the lead as they ran through the cave, Kanzeon and Rise directing them and mapping the layout.
The first clue that something was wrong came when they reached the final chamber, the place where Souji was meant to be, and saw fog spilling out into the corridor. _Something's weird_, Rise said through Kanzeon, _I think the others are there too, but—_
But they didn't stop. That was the mistake. Naoto was the first to enter, clear-headedness and logic both forgotten. Inside, Yamato Takeru's light barely pierced the mist – but on the floor ahead, just visible, was an outstretched hand. She dashed forward and dropped to her knees. Kanji – it was his hand, he was lying motionless on the ground, and behind her Chie was yelling Yukiko's name. They needed Yosuke, the only one among them with healing magic, and Naoto glanced over her shoulder to call him for help.
He was staring straight ahead, eyes wide.
Electricity seared through her body, threw her across the chamber, and her vision went dark.
* * *
_The problem was multifaceted, but came down to the element of risk._
_Allowing herself to rely on Kanji was challenging enough, but to have others observe her doing so was to advertise a weakness. _Emotions_ were a weakness. They put her very sense of self in peril; how could she be strong and capable with such a glaring vulnerability? If the relationship was open knowledge, so was this failing, and Naoto could no longer present the same self, could no longer define herself in the same terms. Worse, to acknowledge their relationship would be to make a public confession of something she was barely ready to admit to herself. It would make their connection _real_ – and if that became real, so did the risk of loss. People always left, whether by will or otherwise, and Kanji would be no exception. It had always been safer to keep people at a distance. Easier._
_...As was this endless rationalization of her thinking._
_She glanced at Kanji as they walked side by side to school. She hadn't anticipated him visiting her last night, hadn't fully acknowledged she wanted him to until he'd knocked on the door to her apartment. He'd been there all the same, and today they would face down a goddess together. But before all that, before they left this morning, he'd again offered again to walk a few minutes ahead of her – and she'd refused._
_There were times when risk was unavoidable._
_Naoto moved closer, and wished she had the courage to take his hand._
* * *
Kanji was pinned against the cavern wall, blood trickling from the ice spikes speared through his hands and feet. Yukiko was beside him, in the same condition; next to her, Chie and Teddie. Above them, Naoto and Yosuke both hung horizontal, suspended in ice shards, impaled on the rocky ceiling.
…The ice should be melting, Naoto thought. Body temperature. Did that apply here? She tried to turn her head, but the spikes piercing her shoulders flared like fire. Below her, Rise was sobbing.
Blood loss. She should be dead from that. It was falling in fat drops, splashing on the stone beneath. But they were presumably already dead, meaning they could all be stuck here indefinitely, or as long as—
Electricity arced out in a bolt, slamming into her and the others. Naoto cried out on reflex, wrenching against the ceiling, but the ice spikes remained in place.
"Stop!" she heard Souji yell for a third time.
The Ziodyne lasted another long, agonizing moment before the magic finally dissipated. She opened her eyes to see Souji kneeling on the ground below. Dark tendrils restrained him, so similar to those that had dragged them down to this place. From this strange angle she couldn't see his face, but his shoulders were heaving – and ahead of him in the fog, white robed and silver-haired, stood Izanami's human form.
_"You can spare them, Izanagi,"_ she said. Bufudyne, cast without raising her hands: a flurry of snow and ice that missed Naoto and Yosuke but hit those pinned to the wall head on. Ragged cries sounded through the chamber, Kanji's the most sickening of all. Naoto needed to help him. He was injured, in pain - but so was she and she still couldn't move and all this was _Souji's_ fault, he'd brought them to face Izanami and gotten them killed, Souji was responsible. Naoto had only dimly registered what the goddess had been saying to him – _Izanagi_, she'd kept calling him, _Izanagi, you left me once before_ – but it made horrible sense. She'd claimed to be fulfilling humanity's desires and the team, like insolent children, had insisted otherwise – but this was a deeper, older story. One Souji should have foreseen.
He twisted against the shadowy hands. "Why are you doing this?"
_"This is my domain, the place where you abandoned me."_
He stopped. When he spoke again his voice was cold. "That wasn't me. Y-You _gave_ me Izanagi, same as Adachi and Namatame." He was breathing hard, whether from exertion or emotion. "Stop hurting my friends."
Izanami ran a finger along his jaw_. "Remain with me, and I will release them."_
"I – I can't."
Her voice was soft now, almost gentle. _"Why?"_
"The rest of the world. You've already told us what you're planning to do. I – have to stop you."
"We're _all_ going to stop you!" Rise cried. She was kneeling on the ground, unrestrained yet as helpless as the rest. What could she do against a god?
_"Everything was for mankind's sake - to create the world humans so wanted. A world where you see only what you want to see…an existence shrouded in fog," _Izanami said. _"You cannot deny humanity's true desires."_
The freezing spikes burned hot in Naoto's flesh. Blood continued to drip. On the wall, Chie was struggling to break free, and earned a violent Ziodyne for her efforts.
Souji struggled in the tendrils' grip. "Stop! I won't give in!"
Izanami paused. _"You insist on defying me?"_
"Yes. I _insist_," Souji spat.
_"Then I will take back what was given."_
Blinding light. The fog was lost and the chamber seemed to tip at angles, Naoto's stomach lurching with the motion. Souji was groaning – no, screaming, now – as the raw hum of magic throbbed through her bones. It grew louder, louder, seemed to shake the ceiling above her – then died away.
Suddenly the ceiling was no longer at her back but in front of her, her body pressed against cold hard tile in place of rock. She shrugged her shoulders experimentally; the spears of ice were gone. For a brief moment she could still feel the spikes in her hands and feet and stomach, but even that sensation soon faded.
Naoto pushed herself up onto her elbows, and opened her eyes to an expanse of fog.
End file.
| fanfiction |
How does mirror reflect light (according to quantum mechanics)? [duplicate]
**This question already has answers here**:
[Explain reflection laws at the atomic level](/questions/83105/explain-reflection-laws-at-the-atomic-level)
(4 answers)
Closed 4 years ago.
We all know that light is reflected from mirror but my question is that what happens at Quantum level when the process of reflection is happening?
does the photon first get absorbed and then re-emmited from surface of mirror or is the photon just bounce from the surface?
Photons get absorbed, then the atoms re-emit them. I can get more into the details but it difficult to understand without some knowledge in QM. In one sentence I would say that the frequency of visible light matches with the energy needed to excite the atoms.
The photon elastically scatters off collective electronic states of the solid. These can be optical phonons or plasma resonances.
| stackexchange/physics |
in contrast to genome sequences , which are quickly becoming a commodity , the functional connectivity within a proteome is a much more challenging problem .
the various protein complexes , transient interactions and functional pathways are all context - dependent , and the experimental techniques for their elucidation are diverse , often not directly comparable , and less reliable than genome sequencing .
association networks in case functional associations are included ) are a crucial ingredient for any system - level understanding of cellular machineries ( 15 ) .
furthermore , protein networks can serve very concrete , practical purposes such as filtering and assessing high - throughput functional genomics data , and providing intuitive visual scaffolds for annotating the structural , functional and evolutionary properties of proteins .
the database and web - tool string ( search tool for the retrieval of interacting genes / proteins ) is a meta - resource that aggregates most of the available information on protein protein associations , scores and weights it , and augments it with predicted interactions , as well as with the results of automatic literature - mining searches . since its first release in 2000 ( 6 )
it builds upon and extends the excellent , manual annotation efforts undertaken at primary protein interaction databases ( 712 ) and at databases of curated pathway knowledge ( 1315 ) . here
, we describe new features that have been added since our report on the previous release , string 7 ( 16 ) .
the basic interaction unit in string is the functional association , which is defined in this database as the specific and meaningful interaction between two proteins that jointly contribute to the same functional process . with respect to the interacting proteins
, string does not consider any specific splicing isoforms or posttranslational modifications , but instead represents each protein - coding locus in a genome by a single protein ( the longest isoform ) .
thus , and because string aggregates data and predictions stemming from a wide spectrum of cell types and environmental conditions , it aims to represent the union of all possible protein protein links . from this union ,
the actual network for any given spatio - temporal snapshot of the cell can in principle be deduced by projection , for example by removing proteins known to be not expressed or not active under the conditions studied ( 17 ) . in keeping with the above definitions , string imports protein association knowledge not only from databases of physical interactions , but also from databases of curated biological pathway knowledge .
apart form the resources already included in the previous release [ mint ( 10 ) , hprd ( 9 ) , bind ( 12 ) , dip ( 11 ) , biogrid ( 8) , kegg ( 13 ) and reactome ( 14 ) ] , a number of resources have been newly included [ intact ( 7 ) , ecocyc ( 15 ) , nci - nature pathway interaction database and gene ontology ( go ) protein complexes ] .
for the full string release , this set of previously known and well - described interactions is then complemented by interactions that are predicted computationally , specifically for string , using a number of prediction algorithms ( 18,19 ) .
first , we conduct systematic searches for genes that are found in close proximity within prokaryotic chromosomes , which is a good indicator for functional linkage .
second , we search for instances where genes have joined to encode a single fusion protein , which is indicative of functional linkage even in organisms where the two proteins have not fused .
third , we search for gene families that share above - random similarities in their evolutionary histories ( i.e. they have similar phylogenetic profiles ) .
this , again , predicts that they contribute to similar functional processes in the cell .
fourth , we conduct searches for genes that display a similar transcriptional response across a variety of conditions ( co - expression ) .
individually , the above predictors may not always have the specificity of direct experimental interaction assays ; however , when used in concert and integrated probabilistically , the performance even of relatively weak predictors can rival that of experimental data ( 20 ) .
lastly , two further sources of interactions in string are actually providing the majority of associations ; these are text - mining and interaction transfer between organisms .
for the former , we parse a large body of scientific texts [ sgd ( 21 ) , omim ( 22 ) , the interactive fly , and all abstracts from pubmed ] .
we search for statistically relevant co - occurrences of gene names , and also extract a subset of semantically specified interactions using natural language processing ( 23 ) . for the transfer of interactions between organisms , we estimate whether a pair of interacting proteins found conserved in another organism justifies the transfer of the interaction to that other organism ( 24 ) .
the transferred interactions , as well as all predicted or imported interactions , are benchmarked and scored against a common reference of functional partnership [ we currently use the joint membership of proteins in biological pathways , as annotated at kegg ( 13 ) , as our gold - standard ] . together , the above sources of interactions , including predictions and transfers , result in a uniquely high coverage of the interaction networks stored in string ( figure 1 ) , particularly for well - studied model organisms . since the previous release , string has almost doubled the number of supported organisms , which now stands at 630 .
the number of stored interactions has increased as well , to a total of more than 50 million . since the various subtypes of the interaction evidence are stored separately in the database , they can be disabled at will giving users the ability to adjust the scope and specificity of string towards their particular application .
the inset shows the annotations and options that are available for each protein , including references to other databases .
line color indicates the type of the supporting evidence ; all underlying evidence can be inspected in dedicated viewers that are accessible from the network .
the inset shows the annotations and options that are available for each protein , including references to other databases .
line color indicates the type of the supporting evidence ; all underlying evidence can be inspected in dedicated viewers that are accessible from the network .
when working with prokaryotes , scientists have long used conserved genomic neighborhood arrangements of genes to infer functional linkage , assuming that such arrangements reflect polycistronic transcription units ( operons ) .
protein associations based on close , co - directional neighborhood of genes on the genome . as of version 8 , this has been extended to cover also neighboring genes that are counter - directional in a head - to - head orientation ( divergent transcription ) .
such divergently oriented gene pairs have been shown to be indicative of functional linkage as well ( 25 ) , albeit with somewhat lower confidence .
often , one of the two genes is a transcriptional regulator , targeting the neighboring gene ( 25 ) .
string now uses this type of arrangement in its neighborhood algorithm as well ( benchmarked separately , figure 2 ) .
in addition , string is now more error tolerant when assembling conserved neighborhoods , ignoring short , partially overlapping genes on the antisense strand that are likely to be spurious predictions .
figure 2.extended definition of genomic neighborhood .
( a ) illustration of a conserved gene neighborhood , containing genes related to the biosynthesis and consumption of tryptophan ( simplified from a string screenshot ) .
genes connected by lines are direct neighbors on the chromosome , and genes with similar colors are orthologs across the various organisms .
the arrow marks a switch in gene orientation , leading to a head - to - head orientation of two presumptive operons .
each dot summarizes a group ( bin ) of gene pairs with similar intergenic distances .
the fraction of such pairs where both genes are annotated in the same kegg pathway is indicated , implying functional partnership .
note that divergent gene pairs are slightly shifted towards larger intergenic distances , presumably to accommodate promoters and regulatory sequences .
( a ) illustration of a conserved gene neighborhood , containing genes related to the biosynthesis and consumption of tryptophan ( simplified from a string screenshot ) .
genes connected by lines are direct neighbors on the chromosome , and genes with similar colors are orthologs across the various organisms .
the arrow marks a switch in gene orientation , leading to a head - to - head orientation of two presumptive operons .
each dot summarizes a group ( bin ) of gene pairs with similar intergenic distances .
the fraction of such pairs where both genes are annotated in the same kegg pathway is indicated , implying functional partnership .
note that divergent gene pairs are slightly shifted towards larger intergenic distances , presumably to accommodate promoters and regulatory sequences .
for each update , string now parses all entries of the pdb database of protein structures ( 26 ) .
the use of protein structures is two - fold : first , to inform the user that a given protein or a close homolog thereof indeed has 3d structure information . in this case ,
a small preview of a representative structure is shown in the network , and the user can follow it to view the full structure and to proceed to the pdb website .
second , protein structures serve as interaction evidence themselves , when more than one distinct peptide chain is found in the structure . in this case , a stable and reliable protein
to facilitate the integration of string into network tools like cytoscape ( 27 ) and workflow engines like taverna ( 28 ) , we have created an application programming interface ( api ) that allows access to the interaction network in computer - readable formats ( figure 3 ) . additionally , specific api functions allow retrieval of individual records from our database , for example to map a protein via its name onto a string entry .
we further envision that the string api will be useful to developers of web services , who plan to make use of the string interaction network .
if a particular web service needs access to the complete set of interactions , it may still be advisable to maintain a local copy of our data distribution .
however , if the service requires access to many different subsets ( depending on user input ) , querying string via its api could reduce administrative load .
specific items of interest can be retrieved from string by constructing urls accordingly ( see table ) . unless string 's internal identifiers are known , an initial call with the resolve-request is recommended , to map query items to nodes in the string network .
tsv , tab - separated values ; json , javascript object notation ; psi - mi 2.5 , proteomics standards initiative molecular interaction ( xml and tab - delimited format ) .
* requests ending on list accept more than one input item , but are otherwise identical ( multiple query items must be separated by url - encoded new - line characters ) .
specific items of interest can be retrieved from string by constructing urls accordingly ( see table ) . unless string 's internal identifiers are known , an initial call with the resolve-request is recommended , to map query items to nodes in the string network .
tsv , tab - separated values ; json , javascript object notation ; psi - mi 2.5 , proteomics standards initiative molecular interaction ( xml and tab - delimited format ) .
* requests ending on list accept more than one input item , but are otherwise identical ( multiple query items must be separated by url - encoded new - line characters ) .
the api is called by constructing a url that contains the type of the request , the desired output format and the input items .
apart from the ad hoc and barrier - free access through the website , string can be downloaded and used locally , either in the form of concise flat - files or as a mirror installation of the complete relational database back - end ( some of the downloads do require a free , nonredistribution license applicable to academic nonprofit users ) .
the interacting entities in string can be set to be either proteins , or groups of orthologs spanning multiple organisms ( cog - mode ) .
for the latter , string relies on an updated and extended version of the cogs [ clusters of orthologous groups ( 29 ) ] , which is being maintained at the eggnog database ( 30 ) .
a variety of other databases use string networks as a basis for further computations / annotations , for example by augmenting the networks with small molecules [ stitch , ( 31 ) ] , or by using the network to increase the power of kinase substrate predictions [ networkin , ( 32 ) ] .
string has also been integrated into third - party tools such as neat [ network analysis tools , ( 33 ) ] , which provides various ways to analyze the interaction network , or gaggle ( 34 ) , which enables automated data transfer into other tools via a browser add - on .
systems biology and functional genomics ; european commission 's fp6 programme through the adit integrated project ( lshb - ct-2005 - 511065 ) ; biosapiens network of excellence ( lshg - ct-2003 - 503265 ) . funding for open access charge : university of zurich . | pubmed |
A New Paradigm for U.S. Media: More Government Subsidies?
Five years ago I could pick up the classified section of my local paper, the San Diego Union-Tribune, and actually feel some substance to it. Today, even the Sunday classifieds are silicon wafer thin.
And the media continues to be directly/indirectly impacted from other government funding sources – the Nieman Journalism Lab reported that postal subsidies were worth $1.97 billion in the mid-1960s (in 2009 dollars). Today they have shrunk by more than 75 percent to $288 million. A postal fee hike last year, for example, cost The Nation more than $500,000 in mailing costs last year – not exactly good news when the magazine reportedly bled more than $300,000 in red ink.
Is there a solution? Most would agree that free speech and free press are sacrosanct and also essential to a healthy U.S. economy. Lee Bollinger, president of Columbia University, recently postulated one interesting scenario – enhanced public funding for journalism.
It's not a new concept – public broadcasting, according to the Nieman Journalism Lab, is, in the aggregate, funded 40 percent by various government entities. In fact, Bollinger reported that both the Federal Communications Commission and the Federal Trade Commission have initiated studies of ways to ensure that the economic pickle facing newspapers and broadcast news doesn't deprive Americans of important information they need as citizens.
Bollinger believes top priority should be given to strengthening America's public broadcasting role globally. The federal government's two international broadcasters, Voice of America and Radio Free Europe, for instance, can't even broadcast within the U.S. – an anachronistic Cold War policy.
The solution? Bollinger recommends creating an American World Service that can compete with outfits like the BBC, China's CCTV and Xinhua News Agency, even Qatar's Al Jazeera.
"The goal would be an American broadcasting system with full journalistic independence that can provide the news we need," Bollinger said.
You Mean I Can Actually Call from This Thing?
A few months ago, the renowned Pew Research Center launched the Pew Internet & American Life Project. Telephone interviews of 2,252 adults ages 18 and older (including 744 reached via mobile) were conducted between April 29-May 30.
Overall, the results produced nothing earth shattering or game changing, but many of the findings further illustrated a number of handset trends.
Minority Americans are setting the pace when it comes to mobile access, especially via handset devices. African-Americans and Latinos are more likely to own a cell phone than their white counterparts (87% for both; compared to 80% for whites). Both minority groups also take advantage of a much wider array of their phones' data functions compared to white cell phone owners.
Not surprisingly, 90% of 18-29 year olds own a cell phone and are more likely than those in other age groups to utilize mobile data applications discussed as part of the survey.
More than half of mobile web users go online from their phones on a daily basis.
The survey added that among mobile Internet users, frequency of use was highest among the affluent and well-educated. | slim_pajama |
describing how native phyllosphere microflora plays a role in the introduction and survival of pathogens in produce commodities is of great interest to food safety research .
tomatoes have been implicated in salmonella illness outbreaks over 17 times in the years spanning 1990 to 2010,1 making this crop a valuable model for food safety research .
research is still nascent with regard to the description of a baseline microflora for any crop , and especially for crops grown in different biogeographic regions or under different agricultural management conditions . despite a growing body of research , there are still huge data gaps in this research arena .
the delmarva peninsula of eastern delaware , maryland and virginia is home to a thriving tomato industry , to which outbreak strains of salmonella have been traced on at least four occasions in the past ten years.1 this makes this biogeographic region a valuable study site to improve understanding of baseline microflora of tomatoes in response to applications of commonly used pesticides .
pest pressures for tomatoes grown in virginia come primarily from the following organisms ; bacterial spot ( xanthomonas campestris pv .
versicatoria ) , bacterial speck ( pseudomonas syringae pv . ) , bacterial wilt ( ralstonia solanacearum ) , early blight ( alternaria solani ) , late blight ( phytophthora infestans ) , tomato leaf spot ( septoria lycopersici ) , fusarium crown rot ( fusarium oxysporum f.sp .
two materials currently being evaluated for efficacy in the management of some of these pests include ; acibenzolar - s - methyl , a benzothiadiazole ( bth ) ( brand name actigard ) and copper oxychloride ( brand name kocide ) . acibenzolar - s - methyl is considered a systemic crop protectant which reportedly functions by mimicking pathogen host interactions and evoking systemic acquired resistance in plants.2 in contrast , copper oxychloride and other copper formulations have been used for centuries to inhibit cellular growth by the introduction of toxic levels of copper ions into the phylloplane , which stunt fungal and bacterial cell growth . because the activities of the systemic and copper materials are so markedly different
, we hypothesized that they would impact tomato phyllosphere microbial ecology differently as well . establishing whether or not these impacts might have important consequences for produce safety was one objective of this study .
a second objective was to evaluate whether or not a difference in the presence of several specific bacterial genera could be correlated to either treatment or controls .
the first bacterial genus of interest was salmonella , due to the importance of this organism in foodborne illness and the history of outbreaks linked to tomatoes grown in the virginia area .
a second genus of interest was xanthomonas , due to its importance in tomato plant pathology for this region .
the third genus of interest was paenibacillus , because of its reported activity as a salmonella antagonist.3
paenibacillus has been shown to kill salmonella in laboratory settings3 and to co - enrich during culturing methods designed to detect the presence of salmonella.4,5 this means that detection or recovery of salmonella from agricultural samples is likely impeded when paenibacillus spp .
are present , thereby confounding the understanding of food safety risks associated with agricultural commodities .
the data generated in this study also establish a baseline taxonomic survey of both fungal and bacterial microbiota associated with tomato plants grown in eastern virginia to address a current data gap .
tomato seeds of cultivar bhn 585 ( large , round , fresh market ) were sown in seedling trays in the greenhouse , and transplanted at 7 weeks to the fields at the research and extension center of virginia tech in painter , virginia ( latitude 37.58 , longitude 75.78 ) .
tomato plants were planted in 61 m growing rows with approximately 110 plants per row , with 0.5 m between individual plants .
independent plots were comprised of 27 plants in 12.2 m. the plots of 27 plants were maintained in triplicate for each treatment ( systemic and copper ) and for control plots .
buffer plants ( no treatment ) were planted between each plot and between each experimental row .
applications of pesticide and protectant materials were mixed and applied according to the labels of the two pesticides , for tomato field treatment .
the converted maximum label concentration rates for the equivalent application of 370 l ha of kocide 3000 46wg and actigard 50wg are 1.2 g l and 60 mg l , respectively .
both pesticides were mixed with water and applied by manual spraying at bi - weekly intervals .
no specific permissions were required for collection from these research fields , other than the consent of the virginia tech agricultural research scientists and extension agents who direct the activities of this agricultural experiment station .
samples were collected from each treatment on 16 september and 12 october 2009 . approximately four tomatoes and ten leaves
replicate samples were composites collected by walking down an independent replicate plot comprised of 27 plants and collecting from as many as ten plants spread throughout the plot .
leaves and tomatoes were placed in ziploc bags ( using gloves ) and stored in a cooler at approximately 4 c until they were returned to the laboratory . in the laboratory
the mixture was sonicated for 6 min on each side ( 12 min total ) using a branson ultrasonic bath 8510 ( branson ultrasonics , danbury , ct , usa ) .
the wash was centrifuged at 9000 g for 1 h to create a pellet of phyllosphere microflora for subsequent dna extraction .
dna was extracted from the resulting pellet using the promega wizard genomic dna purification kit ( cat .
# a1120 ; promega corporation , madison , wi , usa ) following the extraction protocol for gram - positive bacterial species .
16s/18s amplicon sequencing was performed according to illumina 's overview of tailed amplicon sequencing approach with miseq protocol .
this two - step polymerase chain reaction ( pcr ) approach utilizes sequence - specific primers and nextera dna index kit ( illumina , san diego , ca , usa ) .
coralville , ia , usa ) were designed according to low - diversity amplicon specifications , shown below .
adapter overhang sequences tcgtcggcagcgtcagatgtgtataagagacag and gtctcgtgggctcggagatgtgtataagagacag were added to the 5 end of the forward and reverse primers respectively .
the 5 overhang sequences on the primers are complementary to oligonucleotides within the nextera dna indices .
this permits the addition of a unique sample index and p5/p7 adapters to make the template compatible for hybridization to the flow cell .
16s/18s rrna genes are highly conserved , which causes signal saturation during illumina sequencing ; therefore , in order to generate amplicon diversity , random staggering nucleotide sequences , ranging from 0 to 16 nucleotides , were incorporated between overhang adapter sequences and sequence - specific primers .
sequence - specific primers used for the first round of pcr were as follows : 16s amplicons 5-gtgccagcmgccgcggtaa ( forward ) and 5-ggactachvgggtwtctaat-3 ( reverse);6 18s rrna gene amplicons ggaagggrtgtatttattag ( forward ) , gtaaaagtcctggttcccc ( reverse ) , ef4 5-ggaagggrtgtatttattag-3 ( forward ) and fung5 5-gtaaaagtcctggt tcccc-3 ( reverse).7 emerald green gt pcr master mix ( takara bio inc .
thermocycler settings used for pcr were as follows : 95 c , 3 min ; 94 c , 1 min ; 56 c , 1 min ; 72 c , 1 min ; cycle 29 times ; 72 c , 5 min ; 4 c forever .
pcr samples were run on a 2% agarose e - gel ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) with a 100 bp ladder ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) .
two microliters of product from the first round of pcr was used as a template for the second round of pcr .
each sample had a different combination of n50x and n70x indices and there were no repeats .
sample dna concentration was determined using qubit high - sensitivity assay ( life technologies , grand island , ny , usa ) .
samples were then diluted to 2 nmol l with eb buffer ( qiagen , hilden , germany ) and pooled using 10 l of each sample .
ten microliters were taken from the amplicon multiplex sample and denatured with 10 l of 0.2 mol l naoh .
this process was performed simultaneously for a 2 nmol l phix sample ( illumina ) in a separate tube .
samples were incubated at room temperature for 5 min ; then 980 l ht1 buffer ( illumina ) was added to each sample to create a final concentration of 20 pmol l. phix and amplicon multiplex samples were diluted to 5 pmol l in 500 l , and pooled together at a 1:1 ratio for a final volume of 1000 l .
six hundred microliters of the combined sample was loaded on a miseq v2 cartridge ( illumina ) .
isolates were diluted to 1 ng 5 l ( 0.2 ng l ) to be used as input for the nextera xt dna sample preparation kit ( illumina ) .
samples were ' tagmented ' and amplified with the associated nextera xt index kit according to the manufacturer 's specifications .
finalized libraries were normalized to 24 nmol l and denatured using nextera xt normalization beads ( illumina ) and 0.1 mol l naoh , respectively . a metagenomic multiplex sample was achieved by pooling 10 l of each isolate .
twenty - four microliters of the multiplex sample were added to 576 l ht1 buffer ( illumina ) for a final volume of 600 l and loaded on to a miseq v2 cartridge .
prior to analyses , samples were filtered to remove poor - quality regions and reads using the dynamic trimming algorithm implemented in the program solexaqa with default parameter settings ( http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-2105/11/485 ) . for shotgun
metagenomic samples we merged overlapping reads using the program fast length adjustment of short reads ( flash)8 using the default parameter settings . for the 16s and 18s rrna gene amplicon datasets
all sequences were deposited in the short read archive of ncbi under bioproject i d prjna255414 .
we annotated the microbial diversity associated with 16s rrna gene amplicons using the qiime program ( quantitative insights into microbial ecology ) , which uses the greengenes database ( http://greengenes.lbl.gov/ ) at the lawrence berkeley national library . for annotation of the 18s dataset , we used the silva reference database ( http://www.arb-silva.de ) with the qiime pipeline . for shotgun datasets , we assigned taxonomy to shotgun reads using the lowest common ancestor approach with the web - based tools in mg - rast,9 which represents a more conservative approach than the assignment of taxonomy based on the best similarity hit in which reads may be assigned to more than one taxonomic identity .
mg - rast uses the m5 non - redundant database ( m5nr ) , a compilation of many databases ( e.g. blast nr , kegg and uniprot ) as the reference database . for all analyses in mg - rast we used a maximum
e - value cut - off of 1.0 , minimum percent identity of 95% and minimum alignment length of 33 amino acids ( 99 bp ; mg - rast classifications are based on amino acid similarity ) .
overall taxonomic differences were estimated through the construction of a principal coordinates analysis ( pcoa ) based on normalized bray
curtis distances . to account for differences in the number of reads among the samples , we only present the normalized abundances of different taxonomic groups . because we were specifically interested in the presence of salmonella in all of the samples
, we used a pipeline developed by dr antonio gonzalez known as platypus conquistador , available at https://github.com/qiime/platypus .
the concept for this detection pipeline was to create two databases to use with a blast approach .
one database contained only the taxonomic group of interest and the second database contained all other genomes available at the img ( integrated microbial genomes and metagenomes ) database hosted by the joint genome institute ( jgi , doe , http://img.jgi.doe.gov ) .
for each sample , shotgun reads were blasted to each database and the results were compared using platypus conquistador to find hits with higher scores to the database of the pathogen of interest or hits that only matched the pathogen of interest database ( in this case salmonella ) .
the blast analyses were done with an e - value = 1e 30 and the platypus step was done with a minimum alignment length of 100 and percent identity of 100% .
we performed paired t - tests using r,10 to determine whether there were significant differences between the treatments ( systemic and copper ) and the control ( untreated ) with regard to differential abundance of salmonella , xanthomonas and paenibacillus .
tomato seeds of cultivar bhn 585 ( large , round , fresh market ) were sown in seedling trays in the greenhouse , and transplanted at 7 weeks to the fields at the research and extension center of virginia tech in painter , virginia ( latitude 37.58 , longitude 75.78 ) .
tomato plants were planted in 61 m growing rows with approximately 110 plants per row , with 0.5 m between individual plants .
independent plots were comprised of 27 plants in 12.2 m. the plots of 27 plants were maintained in triplicate for each treatment ( systemic and copper ) and for control plots .
buffer plants ( no treatment ) were planted between each plot and between each experimental row .
applications of pesticide and protectant materials were mixed and applied according to the labels of the two pesticides , for tomato field treatment .
the converted maximum label concentration rates for the equivalent application of 370 l ha of kocide 3000 46wg and actigard 50wg are 1.2 g l and 60 mg l , respectively .
both pesticides were mixed with water and applied by manual spraying at bi - weekly intervals .
no specific permissions were required for collection from these research fields , other than the consent of the virginia tech agricultural research scientists and extension agents who direct the activities of this agricultural experiment station .
samples were collected from each treatment on 16 september and 12 october 2009 . approximately four tomatoes and ten leaves
replicate samples were composites collected by walking down an independent replicate plot comprised of 27 plants and collecting from as many as ten plants spread throughout the plot .
leaves and tomatoes were placed in ziploc bags ( using gloves ) and stored in a cooler at approximately 4 c until they were returned to the laboratory .
in the laboratory , 300 ml sterile water was added to each bag of tomatoes and leaves .
the mixture was sonicated for 6 min on each side ( 12 min total ) using a branson ultrasonic bath 8510 ( branson ultrasonics , danbury , ct , usa ) .
the wash was centrifuged at 9000 g for 1 h to create a pellet of phyllosphere microflora for subsequent dna extraction .
dna was extracted from the resulting pellet using the promega wizard genomic dna purification kit ( cat .
# a1120 ; promega corporation , madison , wi , usa ) following the extraction protocol for gram - positive bacterial species .
16s/18s amplicon sequencing was performed according to illumina 's overview of tailed amplicon sequencing approach with miseq protocol .
this two - step polymerase chain reaction ( pcr ) approach utilizes sequence - specific primers and nextera dna index kit ( illumina , san diego , ca , usa ) .
coralville , ia , usa ) were designed according to low - diversity amplicon specifications , shown below .
adapter overhang sequences tcgtcggcagcgtcagatgtgtataagagacag and gtctcgtgggctcggagatgtgtataagagacag were added to the 5 end of the forward and reverse primers respectively .
the 5 overhang sequences on the primers are complementary to oligonucleotides within the nextera dna indices .
this permits the addition of a unique sample index and p5/p7 adapters to make the template compatible for hybridization to the flow cell .
16s/18s rrna genes are highly conserved , which causes signal saturation during illumina sequencing ; therefore , in order to generate amplicon diversity , random staggering nucleotide sequences , ranging from 0 to 16 nucleotides , were incorporated between overhang adapter sequences and sequence - specific primers .
sequence - specific primers used for the first round of pcr were as follows : 16s amplicons 5-gtgccagcmgccgcggtaa ( forward ) and 5-ggactachvgggtwtctaat-3 ( reverse);6 18s rrna gene amplicons ggaagggrtgtatttattag ( forward ) , gtaaaagtcctggttcccc ( reverse ) , ef4 5-ggaagggrtgtatttattag-3 ( forward ) and fung5 5-gtaaaagtcctggt tcccc-3 ( reverse).7 emerald green gt pcr master mix ( takara bio inc .
thermocycler settings used for pcr were as follows : 95 c , 3 min ; 94 c , 1 min ; 56 c , 1 min ; 72 c , 1 min ; cycle 29 times ; 72 c , 5 min ; 4 c forever .
pcr samples were run on a 2% agarose e - gel ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) with a 100 bp ladder ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) .
two microliters of product from the first round of pcr was used as a template for the second round of pcr .
each sample had a different combination of n50x and n70x indices and there were no repeats .
sample dna concentration was determined using qubit high - sensitivity assay ( life technologies , grand island , ny , usa ) .
samples were then diluted to 2 nmol l with eb buffer ( qiagen , hilden , germany ) and pooled using 10 l of each sample .
ten microliters were taken from the amplicon multiplex sample and denatured with 10 l of 0.2 mol l naoh .
this process was performed simultaneously for a 2 nmol l phix sample ( illumina ) in a separate tube .
samples were incubated at room temperature for 5 min ; then 980 l ht1 buffer ( illumina ) was added to each sample to create a final concentration of 20 pmol l. phix and amplicon multiplex samples were diluted to 5 pmol l in 500 l , and pooled together at a 1:1 ratio for a final volume of 1000 l .
six hundred microliters of the combined sample was loaded on a miseq v2 cartridge ( illumina ) .
16s/18s amplicon sequencing was performed according to illumina 's overview of tailed amplicon sequencing approach with miseq protocol .
this two - step polymerase chain reaction ( pcr ) approach utilizes sequence - specific primers and nextera dna index kit ( illumina , san diego , ca , usa ) .
coralville , ia , usa ) were designed according to low - diversity amplicon specifications , shown below .
adapter overhang sequences tcgtcggcagcgtcagatgtgtataagagacag and gtctcgtgggctcggagatgtgtataagagacag were added to the 5 end of the forward and reverse primers respectively .
the 5 overhang sequences on the primers are complementary to oligonucleotides within the nextera dna indices .
this permits the addition of a unique sample index and p5/p7 adapters to make the template compatible for hybridization to the flow cell .
16s/18s rrna genes are highly conserved , which causes signal saturation during illumina sequencing ; therefore , in order to generate amplicon diversity , random staggering nucleotide sequences , ranging from 0 to 16 nucleotides , were incorporated between overhang adapter sequences and sequence - specific primers .
sequence - specific primers used for the first round of pcr were as follows : 16s amplicons 5-gtgccagcmgccgcggtaa ( forward ) and 5-ggactachvgggtwtctaat-3 ( reverse);6 18s rrna gene amplicons ggaagggrtgtatttattag ( forward ) , gtaaaagtcctggttcccc ( reverse ) , ef4 5-ggaagggrtgtatttattag-3 ( forward ) and fung5 5-gtaaaagtcctggt tcccc-3 ( reverse).7 emerald green gt pcr master mix ( takara bio inc .
thermocycler settings used for pcr were as follows : 95 c , 3 min ; 94 c , 1 min ; 56 c , 1 min ; 72 c , 1 min ; cycle 29 times ; 72 c , 5 min ; 4 c forever .
pcr samples were run on a 2% agarose e - gel ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) with a 100 bp ladder ( invitrogen , carlsbad , ca , usa ) .
two microliters of product from the first round of pcr was used as a template for the second round of pcr .
each sample had a different combination of n50x and n70x indices and there were no repeats .
sample dna concentration was determined using qubit high - sensitivity assay ( life technologies , grand island , ny , usa ) .
samples were then diluted to 2 nmol l with eb buffer ( qiagen , hilden , germany ) and pooled using 10 l of each sample .
ten microliters were taken from the amplicon multiplex sample and denatured with 10 l of 0.2 mol l naoh .
this process was performed simultaneously for a 2 nmol l phix sample ( illumina ) in a separate tube .
samples were incubated at room temperature for 5 min ; then 980 l ht1 buffer ( illumina ) was added to each sample to create a final concentration of 20 pmol l. phix and amplicon multiplex samples were diluted to 5 pmol l in 500 l , and pooled together at a 1:1 ratio for a final volume of 1000 l .
six hundred microliters of the combined sample was loaded on a miseq v2 cartridge ( illumina ) .
isolates were diluted to 1 ng 5 l ( 0.2 ng l ) to be used as input for the nextera xt dna sample preparation kit ( illumina ) .
samples were ' tagmented ' and amplified with the associated nextera xt index kit according to the manufacturer 's specifications .
finalized libraries were normalized to 24 nmol l and denatured using nextera xt normalization beads ( illumina ) and 0.1 mol l naoh , respectively .
twenty - four microliters of the multiplex sample were added to 576 l ht1 buffer ( illumina ) for a final volume of 600 l and loaded on to a miseq v2 cartridge .
prior to analyses , samples were filtered to remove poor - quality regions and reads using the dynamic trimming algorithm implemented in the program solexaqa with default parameter settings ( http://www.biomedcentral.com/1471-2105/11/485 ) . for shotgun
metagenomic samples we merged overlapping reads using the program fast length adjustment of short reads ( flash)8 using the default parameter settings . for the 16s and 18s rrna gene amplicon datasets , we analyzed the set of reads with the best mean quality scores .
all sequences were deposited in the short read archive of ncbi under bioproject i d prjna255414 .
we annotated the microbial diversity associated with 16s rrna gene amplicons using the qiime program ( quantitative insights into microbial ecology ) , which uses the greengenes database ( http://greengenes.lbl.gov/ ) at the lawrence berkeley national library .
for annotation of the 18s dataset , we used the silva reference database ( http://www.arb-silva.de ) with the qiime pipeline . for shotgun datasets , we assigned taxonomy to shotgun reads using the lowest common ancestor approach with the web - based tools in mg - rast,9 which represents a more conservative approach than the assignment of taxonomy based on the best similarity hit in which reads may be assigned to more than one taxonomic identity .
mg - rast uses the m5 non - redundant database ( m5nr ) , a compilation of many databases ( e.g. blast nr , kegg and uniprot ) as the reference database . for all analyses in mg - rast we used a maximum e - value cut - off of 1.0 , minimum percent identity of 95% and minimum alignment length of 33 amino acids ( 99 bp ;
overall taxonomic differences were estimated through the construction of a principal coordinates analysis ( pcoa ) based on normalized bray curtis distances . to account for differences in the number of reads among the samples , we only present the normalized abundances of different taxonomic groups .
because we were specifically interested in the presence of salmonella in all of the samples , we used a pipeline developed by dr antonio gonzalez known as platypus conquistador , available at https://github.com/qiime/platypus .
the concept for this detection pipeline was to create two databases to use with a blast approach .
one database contained only the taxonomic group of interest and the second database contained all other genomes available at the img ( integrated microbial genomes and metagenomes ) database hosted by the joint genome institute ( jgi , doe , http://img.jgi.doe.gov ) . for each sample ,
shotgun reads were blasted to each database and the results were compared using platypus conquistador to find hits with higher scores to the database of the pathogen of interest or hits that only matched the pathogen of interest database ( in this case salmonella ) .
the blast analyses were done with an e - value = 1e 30 and the platypus step was done with a minimum alignment length of 100 and percent identity of 100% .
we performed paired t - tests using r,10 to determine whether there were significant differences between the treatments ( systemic and copper ) and the control ( untreated ) with regard to differential abundance of salmonella , xanthomonas and paenibacillus .
approximately 236 000 raw 16s rrna gene sequences with an average length of 249 bases were acquired for each independent replicate of systemic , copper and control tomato phyllosphere samples .
these data were further culled using quality trimming methods described above under ' materials and methods ' , to an average of 186 441 sequences per replicate , with an average length of 167 bases .
an average of 60 000 18s rrna gene sequences , with an average length of 189 bases , were culled to an average of 39 381 sequences per replicate , with an average length of 106 bases . for the shotgun data , an average of 3 346 677
were recovered per sample replicate ( 634 892 974 bases ) with an average length of 195 bases for use in downstream analyses .
examining bacterial diversity , represented by16s rrna gene amplicons for the three sample groups ( systemic , copper and control ) , we did not see a significant treatment effect with regard to taxonomic composition , using operational taxonomic units ( otus ) at 97% similarity ( fig .
there did , however , appear to be a difference in species richness between the two sampling time - points . on average ,
this trend of clustering by time - point instead of by treatment is also evident in a tree - based visualization of the shared 16s taxonomy associated with the treatments and the time - points ( fig .
2 ) . the clearest separation by time - point instead of by treatment was observed in shotgun data ( fig .
september and october time - points are clearly separated in this principal component analysis , while the treatments can not be differentiated ( fig .
rarefaction plots based on the 16s rdna sequences , with samples grouped by treatment ( a ) and sampling date ( b ) .
dendrogram showing the similarities between bacterial communities found within each sample based on unifrac distances .
tips are color - coded by treatment ; gray branches denote samples collected in september and dashed branches denote samples collected in october .
principal coordinate analysis ( pcoa ) plots for shotgun datasets by treatment ( a ) and sampling date ( b ) . a taxonomic overview of observed bacteria is shown in fig .
one of the most interesting taxonomic differences in bacterial microflora observed between treatments was a statistically significant ( p < 0.05 ) increase , in the abundance of gammaproteobacteria in systemic and control samples when compared to copper ( fig .
the systemic pesticide reportedly functions by enacting an enhanced defense status in the plant not by any mode of direct ' kill ' , as copper does . the topical activity of the copper pesticide seems to have a stronger ability to reduce levels of one or more gammaproteobacteria taxa .
the relative abundances of genera within enterobacteriaceae have been plotted in fig . 6 to provide more insight into which members of this family may be driving the significant differences observed at the higher taxonomic level of class ( gammaproteobacteria ) .
although not significant at p < 0.05 ) , the pesticides ( systemic and copper ) appeared to play a role in the reduced abundance of buttiauxella , cronobacter , pantoea and providencia relative to controls ( fig .
plots of relative abundance of bacterial phylum ( a ) , class ( b ) , order ( c ) and family ( d ) .
boxplots showing the differences in relative abundance of sequences assigned to different taxonomic groups within the proteobacteria .
the horizontal black line represents the mean . for the eukarya , based on the use of 18s rrna gene amplicons , we observed no distinguishable differences in alpha and beta diversity between treatments and time - points looking at rarefaction curves ( not shown ) and principal coordinate analyses ( not shown ) .
we did not observe an average increased diversity in the october time - point when compared to september as we did with the 16s rrna gene dataset .
an overview of the fungal taxonomy associated with all samples is shown in fig . 7 .
differences in the abundance of different fungal groups across the samples grouped by sampling date . when we searched specifically for the presence and/or differential abundance of salmonella in any of the treatments , we used the previously described platypus conquistador pipeline on the shotgun sequence data and then performed pairwise tests using r to see if any of the treatments differed significantly by number of reads classified to the taxa of interest ( in this case salmonella ) ( fig . 8 and table1 ) .
there was a higher mean abundance of salmonella in controls relative to treatments . with a greater number of independent replicates
, we might have been able to identify statistical significance , but our current data can only effectively describe trends .
number of hits classified to three different bacterial genera based on the method implemented in platypus conquistador . ' both dbs ' represents sequences whose bit score when blasted against the target database ( e.g. , paenibacillus ) was the same as that observed when blasted against the ' other ' database ( e.g. contains no paenibacillus genomes ) . '
other db sequences ' are those that hit to the other database with a better bit - score than to the target database .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the salmonella database using platypus conquistador we also used the platypus conquistador pipeline to look specifically for presence and/or differential abundance of the important plant pathogen xanthomonas campestris , although we did not attempt to identify xanthomonas by species .
highest mean abundance of the genus xanthomonas was observed in systemic treated plants ( fig . 8 and table2 ) .
perhaps there is something about the heightened systemic acquired resistance cascade of biochemistry that is actually conducive to growth of xanthomonas .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the xanthomonas database using platypus conquistador there are multiple reports of paenibacillus species isolated from phyllosphere , rhizosphere and agricultural soil environments , and this genus is reported to play important roles in plant health and ecology.11 specifically , paenibacillus is known to produce antibiotics that can be antagonistic to other bacterial and fungal species.12 work in our own labs has demonstrated that paenibacillus is effective at killing salmonella and inhibiting numerous other foodborne pathogens.3 a patent has been filed13and work is underway to test efficacy of paeni - applications as biopesticides and post - harvest sprays .
it has also been shown that media - based methods to culture salmonella from phyllosphere samples unintentionally co - enrich paenibacillus spp.,4,5 which , as previously mentioned , is effective in killing salmonella .
this recent understanding has highlighted the importance of understanding the presence of paenibacillus in agricultural environments and how it may be impacted by diverse pesticide materials to better understand the dynamics associated with culture - based methods to detect salmonella from agricultural commodities .
a higher mean abundance of paenibacillus was observed in controls relative to treatments which might suggest that both systemic and topical ( copper ) fungicides diminish the presence of paenibacillus spp . in the phyllosphere ( fig . 8 and table3 ) .
however , due to the fact that no statistical significance at p < 0.05 could be reported , the reduced abundance of paenibacillus in the treated samples could just as easily be caused by other factors .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the paenibacillus database using platypus conquistador
examining bacterial diversity , represented by16s rrna gene amplicons for the three sample groups ( systemic , copper and control ) , we did not see a significant treatment effect with regard to taxonomic composition , using operational taxonomic units ( otus ) at 97% similarity ( fig .
1a ) . there did , however , appear to be a difference in species richness between the two sampling time - points . on average ,
this trend of clustering by time - point instead of by treatment is also evident in a tree - based visualization of the shared 16s taxonomy associated with the treatments and the time - points ( fig .
the clearest separation by time - point instead of by treatment was observed in shotgun data ( fig .
september and october time - points are clearly separated in this principal component analysis , while the treatments can not be differentiated ( fig .
rarefaction plots based on the 16s rdna sequences , with samples grouped by treatment ( a ) and sampling date ( b ) .
dendrogram showing the similarities between bacterial communities found within each sample based on unifrac distances .
tips are color - coded by treatment ; gray branches denote samples collected in september and dashed branches denote samples collected in october .
principal coordinate analysis ( pcoa ) plots for shotgun datasets by treatment ( a ) and sampling date ( b ) . a taxonomic overview of observed bacteria is shown in fig .
one of the most interesting taxonomic differences in bacterial microflora observed between treatments was a statistically significant ( p < 0.05 ) increase , in the abundance of gammaproteobacteria in systemic and control samples when compared to copper ( fig .
the systemic pesticide reportedly functions by enacting an enhanced defense status in the plant not by any mode of direct ' kill ' , as copper does .
the topical activity of the copper pesticide seems to have a stronger ability to reduce levels of one or more gammaproteobacteria taxa .
the relative abundances of genera within enterobacteriaceae have been plotted in fig . 6 to provide more insight into which members of this family may be driving the significant differences observed at the higher taxonomic level of class ( gammaproteobacteria ) .
although not significant at p < 0.05 ) , the pesticides ( systemic and copper ) appeared to play a role in the reduced abundance of buttiauxella , cronobacter , pantoea and providencia relative to controls ( fig .
plots of relative abundance of bacterial phylum ( a ) , class ( b ) , order ( c ) and family ( d ) .
boxplots showing the differences in relative abundance of sequences assigned to different taxonomic groups within the proteobacteria .
the horizontal black line represents the mean . for the eukarya , based on the use of 18s rrna gene amplicons
, we observed no distinguishable differences in alpha and beta diversity between treatments and time - points looking at rarefaction curves ( not shown ) and principal coordinate analyses ( not shown ) .
we did not observe an average increased diversity in the october time - point when compared to september as we did with the 16s rrna gene dataset .
differences in the abundance of different fungal groups across the samples grouped by sampling date .
when we searched specifically for the presence and/or differential abundance of salmonella in any of the treatments , we used the previously described platypus conquistador pipeline on the shotgun sequence data and then performed pairwise tests using r to see if any of the treatments differed significantly by number of reads classified to the taxa of interest ( in this case salmonella ) ( fig . 8 and table1 ) .
there was a higher mean abundance of salmonella in controls relative to treatments . with a greater number of independent replicates ,
we might have been able to identify statistical significance , but our current data can only effectively describe trends .
number of hits classified to three different bacterial genera based on the method implemented in platypus conquistador . ' both dbs ' represents sequences whose bit score when blasted against the target database ( e.g. , paenibacillus ) was the same as that observed when blasted against the ' other ' database ( e.g. contains no paenibacillus genomes ) . '
other db sequences ' are those that hit to the other database with a better bit - score than to the target database .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the salmonella database using platypus conquistador
we also used the platypus conquistador pipeline to look specifically for presence and/or differential abundance of the important plant pathogen xanthomonas campestris , although we did not attempt to identify xanthomonas by species .
highest mean abundance of the genus xanthomonas was observed in systemic treated plants ( fig . 8 and table2 ) .
perhaps there is something about the heightened systemic acquired resistance cascade of biochemistry that is actually conducive to growth of xanthomonas .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the xanthomonas database using platypus conquistador
there are multiple reports of paenibacillus species isolated from phyllosphere , rhizosphere and agricultural soil environments , and this genus is reported to play important roles in plant health and ecology.11 specifically , paenibacillus is known to produce antibiotics that can be antagonistic to other bacterial and fungal species.12 work in our own labs has demonstrated that paenibacillus is effective at killing salmonella and inhibiting numerous other foodborne pathogens.3 a patent has been filed13and work is underway to test efficacy of paeni - applications as biopesticides and post - harvest sprays .
it has also been shown that media - based methods to culture salmonella from phyllosphere samples unintentionally co - enrich paenibacillus spp.,4,5 which , as previously mentioned , is effective in killing salmonella .
this recent understanding has highlighted the importance of understanding the presence of paenibacillus in agricultural environments and how it may be impacted by diverse pesticide materials to better understand the dynamics associated with culture - based methods to detect salmonella from agricultural commodities .
a higher mean abundance of paenibacillus was observed in controls relative to treatments which might suggest that both systemic and topical ( copper ) fungicides diminish the presence of paenibacillus spp . in the phyllosphere ( fig . 8 and table3 ) .
however , due to the fact that no statistical significance at p < 0.05 could be reported , the reduced abundance of paenibacillus in the treated samples could just as easily be caused by other factors .
mean number of sequences within each treatment that only matched to the paenibacillus database using platypus conquistador
the phyllosphere of crops and natural areas is estimated to span 10 cm of surface area and to support between 10 and 10 cells per square centimeter of leaf tissue an estimated 10 organisms in total.14 despite this vast and far - reaching ecology , very little is currently understood about any core microbiome that may be associated with a specific crop or a specific genus , species or cultivar , and even less is known about the impact of agricultural practices on endemic microbial ecology associated with food crops .
food safety initiatives have been one of the driving forces behind the culture - independent description of food plant phyllosphere communities .
understanding how human pathogens are introduced to the phyllosphere and how they persist once introduced is an important research gap that , when filled , will greatly mitigate future risks to consumers .
an emerging trend in published and unpublished works has revealed that the most significant differences between phyllosphere communities are often independent of agricultural treatments being investigated , such as the copper and systemic pesticides described here , but rather associated with diverse environmental pressures .
telias et al.15 exposed field - grown tomato to two different water sources to examine the relative safety of water sources used in agriculture ( surface vs. ground water ) .
although very distinct microbial consortia were documented for each water source , when applied to tomatoes the impact on the plants ' phyllosphere composition was minimal.15 pressures associated with the phyllosphere were more significant drivers of the microbial diversity associated with the tomato fruits than either of the water sources .
all phyllosphere samples clustered together in principal coordinate analyses , regardless of which water source had come in contact with the tomatoes.15 another example of the importance of environmental pressures on phyllosphere microflora was demonstrated by perazzolli et al.,16 who found that epiphytic microflora associated with grapevines was not significantly altered by treatment with different pesticides ( bio - control and traditional pesticide ) . instead , the primary driver of differences observed in microbial diversity and structure for epiphytic communities associated with grapevines appeared to be the biogeography of the three different sites where the plants were grown .
one of the most interesting trends observed in the work presented here is that , despite the fact that vastly different materials were applied to tomato plants ( systemic , copper and control ) , the most striking differences in microbial community structure and diversity were observed between time - points and not treatments .
this observation is based on the following trends : the average number of 16s otus ( fig .
1b ) and the principal component analysis of shared membership associated with the shotgun data ( fig .
it is likely that environmental factors play a more important role in food safety considerations than previously realized .
wind , emissions , nearby factories , animal farms , sands , dusts and other airborne particulates may be the most important factors in contamination events and subsequent persistence of pathogens in fresh produce commodities .
the trends observed in this study certainly suggest that more work is needed in this area to better describe the most important risk factors associated with production of fresh produce .
we documented a significant difference ( p < 0.05 ) in the reduced abundance of gammaproteobacteria in copper - treated plants compared to controls ( fig .
gammaproteobacteria is the class of bacteria that is home to salmonella , escherichia and other significant enterobacteriaceae pathogens .
we also observed a higher mean abundance of enterobacteriaceae in controls relative to both treatments ( fig .
the perturbation of enterobacteriaceae in the phyllosphere ecology of a food plant may influence niche dynamics and impact the survival of introduced pathogens .
not statistically significant , but still interesting , was the higher mean abundance of salmonella and paenibacillus observed in controls relative to treatments , suggesting that both systemic and topical pesticides may reduce the incidence of these important genera in the phyllosphere of tomatoes .
as previously mentioned , systemic ( acibenzolar - s - methyl ) can impact biochemical cascades in plants , inducing molecules that may actually be desirable to certain genera and thus create a preferential habitat for certain species .
most intriguing was the clear separation of september and october microflora observed in the shotgun dataset , in contrast to indistinguishable treatment effects ( fig .
all of these findings merit further study as we attempt to elucidate the impact of specific agricultural practices on phyllosphere niche dynamics to better identify critical control points for food safety in the agricultural phyllosphere .
another important contribution from this work is the culture - independent description of the baseline microbial ecology of a virginia - grown tomato crop .
we documented as many as five bacterial phyla and four fungal phyla associated with this tomato phytobiome , providing valuable baseline taxonomic data for future comparisons . | pubmed |
the qcd phase diagram , as it is illustrated in fig .
[ fig : phasediag ] , contains a variety of theoretically predicted features .
the most important one is the phase boundary separating a hadron gas and a quark gluon plasma ( red dashed line in fig . [
fig : phasediag ] ) .
its position at vanishing baryonic chemical potential ( @xmath0 ) is defined by the critical temperature @xmath1 .
even though recent attempts to calculate the exact value of @xmath1 with lattice qcd still result in different numerical values @xcite , there is a general consensus that for @xmath0 this transition is of the type of crossover .
however , this crossover line might turn for a certain @xmath2 into a first order phase transition , which would result in a critical point at that position @xcite .
however , predictions on the location of the critical point are still very uncertain @xcite
. it might very well be that it does not exist at all @xcite .
recently , it has been conjectured that the phase diagram might contain yet another phase , the so - called quarkyonic phase @xcite , which would be separated from normal hadronic matter by a different phase boundary line ( blue dashed line in fig . [
fig : phasediag ] ) .
experimentally , there are several control parameters available that might allow to study different regions of the phase diagram with heavy ion collisions .
one is the variation of the center - of - mass energy which will force the reaction systems to follow different trajectories in the @xmath3-@xmath2 plane , reflected by a change of the chemical freeze - out parameters .
the second control parameter is the variation of the system size , which can either be achieved by performing central collisions of nuclei of different size , or by studying centrality selected minimum bias collisions .
however , whether this can be considered as a good control parameter for probing different areas of the phase diagram shall be discussed further below . in the following we review some results from systematic studies of particle production in heavy ion collisions performed at the cern - sps , and will discuss what can be learned from existing data on the experimental accessibility of different areas in the phase diagram .
finally , we also present some results from existing attempts to search for a critical point .
recent results on rapidity spectra of ( anti-)protons in central pb+pb reactions , measured at energies between 20@xmath4 - 158 at the sps @xcite , together with central au+au data from the ags @xcite and rhic @xcite allow to study the energy evolution of stopping .
based on the measured rapidity spectra for p , @xmath5 , @xmath6 , @xmath7 , @xmath8 , and @xmath9 , all corrected for feed down from weak decays , the net - baryon distributions @xmath10 have been constructed @xcite .
the contribution of unmeasured baryons ( n , @xmath11 , @xmath12 ) was estimated using the results of a statistical hadron gas model @xcite . in the sps energy region a clear evolution of the shape can be observed ( see left panel of fig .
[ fig : edep_baryons ] ) , changing from a single maximum at midrapidity towards a structure with two maxima and a dip at @xmath13 .
concurring with this evolution , also a strong change of the anti - baryon / baryon ratios takes place in the energy region of the sps @xcite and thus of the baryonic chemical potential at freeze - out @xmath2 . around mid - rapidity of @xmath6 ,
@xmath7 , @xmath8 , and @xmath9 , divided by the total pion rapidity densities ( ) for central pb+pb and au+au collisions @xcite . also shown
are results for the transport models urqmd1.3
( dashed line ) @xcite and hsd ( dotted line ) @xcite , as well as a statistical hadron gas model ( solid line ) @xcite . ] around mid - rapidity of @xmath6 , @xmath7 , @xmath8 , and @xmath9 , divided by the total pion rapidity densities ( ) for central pb+pb and au+au collisions @xcite .
also shown are results for the transport models urqmd1.3
( dashed line ) @xcite and hsd ( dotted line ) @xcite , as well as a statistical hadron gas model ( solid line ) @xcite . ] the right panel of fig .
[ fig : edep_baryons ] shows a comparison of the energy dependence of mid - rapidity @xmath6 , @xmath7 , @xmath8 , and @xmath9 production to several models .
while the transport models urqmd1.3 @xcite and hsd @xcite provide a reasonable description of the @xmath6/@xmath14 and @xmath7/@xmath14 ratios , they are clearly below the data points in case of the @xmath8 and @xmath9 .
this might indicate that an additional partonic contribution is necessary to reach the production rates observed for multi - strange particles .
statistical models on the other hand , generally provide a better match to the data .
these models are based on the assumption that the particle yields correspond to their chemical equilibrium value and can thus be described by the parameters temperature @xmath3 , baryonic chemical potential @xmath2 , volume @xmath15 , and , in some implementations , by an additional strangeness under - saturation factor @xmath16 .
the curves shown in the right panel of fig . [ fig : edep_baryons ] , labeled shm(b ) , are taken from @xcite and are based on parametrizations of the @xmath17 dependence of @xmath3 and @xmath2 , assuming @xmath16 = 1 .
the results of various analysis of the measured particle abundances with statistical model approaches show that @xmath3 and @xmath2 parameter for the sps energy range vary over a wide region , following an universal freeze - out curve @xcite , and might be in the vicinity of the possible critical point location @xcite .
thus , the variation of @xmath17 provides a well defined way of selecting different regions in the @xmath3-@xmath2 plane .
recent data on proton and antiproton production in minimum bias pb+pb reactions allow to study the system size dependence of stopping .
figure [ fig : net_protons ] shows the net - proton rapidity distributions for five different centrality classes , selected from minimum bias pb+pb interactions at 40@xmath4 ( left panel ) and 158 ( right panel ) @xcite .
a remarkable feature of this data is that there is no drastic change with centrality of the shapes of the distributions inside the measured region at 158 .
however , at 40 the shapes of the distributions change with centrality , going from a two - maxima structure with a narrow dip at midrapidity for central collisions to a shallow valley like distribution for peripheral collisions , similar as observed at the ags @xcite .
( left ) and 158 ( right ) for different centralities as measured by the na49 experiment @xcite .
the full symbols represent the measurements .
the open symbols are reflected at midrapidity . ] ( left ) and 158 ( right ) for different centralities as measured by the na49 experiment @xcite .
the full symbols represent the measurements .
the open symbols are reflected at midrapidity . ]
the @xmath5/p ratio , being directly sensitive to the baryonic chemical potential @xmath2 , depends much less on system size than it does depend on energy .
while for the mid - rapidity ratios at 158 only a change in the order of a factor of two is observed when comparing central pb+pb reactions ( @xmath5/p = 0.56 , 0 5% most central ) to very peripheral ones ( @xmath5/p = 0.11 for 43 100% ) , this ratio varies by a factor of 43 between central pb+pb collisions at 20 ( @xmath5/p = 0.0013 , 0 7% ) and 158 @xcite .
thus , only a small variation of @xmath2 can be achieved when studying reactions of different system sizes .
it has been found that the core - corona approach is able to describe the system size dependence of particle production reasonable well @xcite . in this model
a nucleus - nucleus collision is decomposed into a central core , which corresponds to the large fireball produced in central a+a collisions , and a peripheral corona , that is equivalent to independent nucleon - nucleon reactions . to quantify the relative contribution of the two components ,
the fraction of nucleons that scatter more than once @xmath18 can be used .
@xmath18 can simply be calculated with a glauber model @xcite .
this quantity allows for a natural interpolation between the yields @xmath19 measured in elementary p+p ( @xmath20 ) and in central nucleus - nucleus collisions ( @xmath21 ) : @xmath22\ ] ] the left panel of fig .
[ fig : meanmt_vs_nw ] shows for example the result of this approach compared to the system size dependence of the strangeness enhancement factors @xmath23 at 158 @xcite . here
, @xmath23 is defined relative to p+p reactions as baseline measurement : @xmath24 the observed rapid rise for very small systems and the subsequent saturation can naturally be described within this model .
it is interesting to observe that this approach not only works for yields , but also for dynamical quantities such as the average transverse momenta @xmath25 ( see right panel of fig .
[ fig : meanmt_vs_nw ] ) .
this suggests that the core - corona approach in general provides a reasonable way for understanding the evolution from elementary p+p to central pb+pb collisions .
values at mid - rapidity for pb+pb collisions at 40@xmath4 and 158 , as well as for near - central c+c and si+si reactions at 158 @xcite .
the ( anti-)proton data are taken from @xcite . also shown are the results from a fit for @xmath6 and @xmath7 with the core - corona approach ( solid lines ) . ]
values at mid - rapidity for pb+pb collisions at 40@xmath4 and 158 , as well as for near - central c+c and si+si reactions at 158 @xcite .
the ( anti-)proton data are taken from @xcite .
also shown are the results from a fit for @xmath6 and @xmath7 with the core - corona approach ( solid lines ) . ]
a more differential look on the core - corona model is shown in the left panel of fig . [
fig : glauber ] for symmetric reaction systems . due to their different surface to volume ratio ,
the @xmath26 dependence of @xmath18 is much steeper for smaller reaction systems than for larger ones are based on a function @xmath18 that was calculated for pb+pb interactions @xcite
. therefore their direct comparison to the smaller systems c+c and si+si is not possible . ]
also , the maximum value of @xmath18 depends on the size of the nuclei .
e.g. , while for very central pb+pb collisions @xmath27 can be reached , the maximum value for very central c+c reactions is @xmath28 .
this @xmath4 dependence of @xmath29 is illustrated by the dashed red line in the left panel of fig .
[ fig : glauber ] .
this has the consequence that the different relative core corona contributions have to be taken into account when comparing even very central nucleus - nucleus collisions of different size .
especially , this might explain any apparent system size dependence of the chemical freeze - out parameters @xmath3 and @xmath2 , as determined by statistical model fits to central a+a collisions of different size ( e.g. @xcite ) .
therefore , we conclude that , assuming the core - corona model is valid , the system size might not provide a good control parameter to probe different regions of the qcd phase diagram with produced fireballs of different temperature .
it is more likely that one only observes a change in the relative admixture of central fireball ( core ) and peripheral p+p like corona , whose freeze - out parameters are different , but independent of the size of the involved nuclei . of participating nucleons that scatter more than once as a function of the number of participants @xmath26 .
@xmath18 was calculated with a glauber model @xcite .
the left panel shows results for symmetric systems , the right panel for asymmetric ones .
the dashed lines connect the values for the most central collisions . ] of participating nucleons that scatter more than once as a function of the number of participants @xmath26 .
@xmath18 was calculated with a glauber model @xcite .
the left panel shows results for symmetric systems , the right panel for asymmetric ones .
the dashed lines connect the values for the most central collisions . ]
another interesting aspect of the core - corona model is shown in the right panel of fig .
[ fig : glauber ] . here , the @xmath26 dependence of @xmath18 is shown for asymmetric collisions . in this case
quite distinct centrality dependences can be observed . while for symmetric collisions this dependence is following a continous rise ( left panel of fig .
[ fig : glauber ] ) , for asymmetric collision systems with a small projectile nucleus ( e.g. o+pb or si+pb ) a rapid rise followed by a maximum and a subsequent decrease of @xmath18 is seen .
therefore , a similar centrality dependence of particle yields can be expected for these type of collisions and its measurement would constitute a test for the validity of the core - corona model .
one of the observables proposed to be sensitive to the presence of a critical point in the qcd phase diagram are fluctuations of either mean transverse momentum or multiplicity @xcite .
if the chemical freeze - out is happening in the vicinity of the critical point , an enhancement of fluctuations might be visible .
the na49 experiment has therefore performed a systematic study of multiplicity fluctuations in very central ( 1% most central ) pb+pb collisions as a function of beam energy @xcite .
figure [ fig : multfluct ] shows the resulting scaled variance @xmath30 as a function of baryonic chemical potential @xmath2 , that has been derived from statistical model fits to the particle abundances measured at the different beam energies @xcite . while for all charged particles taken together @xmath31 is close to unity , it is slightly below one for negatively and positively charged particles analyzed separately , i.e. the distributions are in these cases a bit narrower than the corresponding poissonian .
however , in none of the studied charge combinations a significant energy dependence has been so far observed .
figure [ fig : multfluct ] also shows some theoretical expectations for @xmath31 , which result from the combination of several assumptions @xcite .
the position of the critical point in terms of @xmath3 and @xmath2 is taken from a lattice qcd calculation @xcite .
the magnitude of the fluctuations at the critical point is based on @xcite , assuming two different correlation lengths @xmath32 fm ( solid line ) and @xmath33 fm ( dashed line ) , while the widths of the enhancements around the critical point has been chosen according to @xcite as @xmath34 mev .
both predictions are at variance with the data , so that up to now there is no evidence for a critical point in fluctuation measurements . another possible way of detecting a critical point has been suggested in @xcite .
here it was shown that the proximity of a critical point , or rather a critical area , might deform the isentropic trajectories of an expanding fireball in the @xmath3-@xmath35 plane , due to a focussing effect towards the critical point . as a consequence
one should see a decrease of the anti - baryon / baryon ratios with increasing transverse mass , while in the absence of a critical point this ratio should rather be flat as a function of @xmath36 . the left panel of fig .
[ fig : antib_b_spectra ] shows the @xmath5/p ratio versus @xmath37 for five different beam energies @xcite . in order to quantify any change in transverse mass dependence ,
a linear fit has been applied to the data .
the @xmath7/@xmath6 and @xmath9/@xmath8 ratios have been analyzed in the same fashion .
the resulting energy dependence of the slope parameters @xmath38 is summarized in the right panel of fig .
[ fig : antib_b_spectra ] . no significant energy dependence can be seen and thus this observable currently does not provide any evidence for a critical point . , for the 1% most central pb+pb collisions in the forward rapidity region ( @xmath39 ) as measured by the na49 experiment @xcite .
the different beam energies are represented by the corresponding @xmath2 values , determined by a statistical model fit @xcite .
the lines correspond to predictions for for critical point ( see text ) . ]
in order to probe different areas in the qcd phase diagram , the variation of the center - of - mass energy can be considered as the best defined control parameter . especially in the energy regime of the sps a wide region in the @xmath3-@xmath2 plane can be explored experimentally , as is evident from the strong dependence of the chemical freeze - out parameters on the energy here .
the situation is much less well defined when using the system size as control parameter . since the system size dependences of many observables ( e.g. strangeness production and @xmath25 ) seem to be well described within the core - corona approach , it is unlikely that the freeze - out temperatures of the fireballs vary with their size .
rather one observes a change of the relative admixture of the core and corona contributions .
however , the trajectories of the fireballs in the core might be always the same , irrespective of their size .
studying centrality dependences in asymmetric reaction systems could provide an additional experimental test of the core - corona model . in these cases
this model predicts for smaller projectile nuclei a maximum in the relative core contribution for semi - central reactions , in contrast to symmetric reaction systems that reach the maximum for very central collisions .
several attempts have been made to search within existing data for evidences of a critical point , such e.g. as fluctuations and the transverse mass dependence of anti - baryon / baryon ratios .
so far non of these searches yielded a positive result .
the success of future searches will on one side mainly depend on the development of more refined and differential ( i.e. scale and @xmath40 dependent ) observables , that allow to distinguish effects due to a critical point from more trivial sources . on the other side ,
since the magnitude of these effects might be small , experimental progress on reducing systematic and statistical errors will be necessary .
/p ratio versus the transverse mass @xmath37 @xcite .
the solid lines show a linear fit to the ratios .
right : the energy dependence of the slope parameters @xmath38 from the fits for different @xmath41/b ratios @xcite .
the insert shows the same data with an expanded vertical scale . ]
/p ratio versus the transverse mass @xmath37 @xcite .
the solid lines show a linear fit to the ratios .
right : the energy dependence of the slope parameters @xmath38 from the fits for different @xmath41/b ratios @xcite .
the insert shows the same data with an expanded vertical scale . ]
the author would like to thank k. reygers for the help with the glauber model calculations and h. strbele for providing helpful comments and suggestions . | arxiv |
MRA tops CTA for pulmonary embolism evaluation
By Abraham Kim, AuntMinnie.com staff writer
May 16, 2018 -- MR angiography (MRA) may have an edge over CT angiography (CTA) for diagnosing pulmonary embolism (PE) due to its reduced risk of radiation and adverse events, according to a pair of articles by Wisconsin researchers published online in Emergency Radiology and the Journal of the American College of Radiology.
Dr. Michael Repplinger, PhD.
The group from the University of Wisconsin-Madison reviewed the MR angiography and CT angiography scans of more than 1,000 patients at their institution who had a risk of PE. Comparing the results from both imaging modalities, the researchers found that MRA was about as effective as CTA at detecting PE -- but without the use of ionizing radiation -- and MRA was associated with fewer adverse events within the first six months after the exam (Emerg Radiol, May 10, 2018; JACR, April 30, 2018).
In older studies evaluating MRA for PE, the imaging modality did not perform that well due to marked variability in the technical quality of MR angiograms, co-first authors Dr. Michael Repplinger, PhD, and Dr. Scott Nagle, PhD, told AuntMinnie.com. Since then, there have been advances in MRI technology that enable more robust, faster, and higher-resolution imaging.
"In our study, outcomes following MR angiography were better than they were following CT angiography," Nagle said. "The technical success rate of the MR angiography exams in terms of the radiologist's confidence in interpretation was around 90% -- comparable to that of CT angiography, which means that with our technique for MR angiography, we have now overcome the major limitations seen in previous studies."
Comparing imaging modalities
The predominant technique for diagnosing PE in the U.S. involves using a series of clinical prediction rules to determine risk, followed by D-dimer testing and possibly CTA for patients who have a high pretest probability of PE. However, concern has been mounting in recent years about the low diagnostic yield of CTA for PE -- as well as any associated risks from radiation.
Dr. Scott Nagle, PhD.
A promising alternative is to use a distinct set of clinical criteria known as the Pulmonary Embolism Rule-Out Criteria (PERC), which were designed to reduce unnecessary testing and imaging, especially for patients with a low risk of PE. Nevertheless, the usage rate of CT for PE has been on the rise -- increasing fivefold from 2000 to 2009.
One of the main reasons why clinicians continue to rely on imaging for the detection of PE is that many of its symptoms are nonspecific and a missed diagnosis can be fatal, according to the authors. Rather than eliminate imaging from the protocol, a more practical option may be to implement a different imaging exam that does not require ionizing radiation, such as MRA.
Along with colleagues at their institution, Repplinger and Nagle have been offering MRA as an alternative to CTA for the evaluation of PE, particularly in young women to minimize radiation exposure to the breast.
Seeking to determine the clinical effectiveness of MRA compared with CTA, they reviewed the medical records of emergency department patients who underwent an initial imaging exam with either one of the two modalities at their institution between April 2008 and March 2013.
In the first study, the researchers evaluated 592 MR angiography and 581 CT angiography cases matched by age and sex. They performed a search of the medical records for evidence of major adverse PE-related events -- including major bleeding, venous thromboembolism, and death -- within six months after initial imaging.
For the second study, the investigators examined the radiation risk and frequency of downstream imaging after MRA and CTA examination for the 717 emergency department patients who were negative for PE.
Fewer adverse events
Assessing the scans of 1,173 patients in the first study, the researchers found a comparable technical success rate for MR angiography and CT angiography in diagnosing PE, where success indicated the reading radiologist's confidence in interpretation using the scans. However, the proportion of major adverse events in patients who underwent MR angiography was 8.2% less than in those who had CT angiography.
CTA vs. MRA for pulmonary embolism diagnosis
CTA MRA p-value
Technical success rate in diagnosis of PE 90.5% 92.6% 0.41
Rate of adverse events within six months 13.6% 5.4% < 0.01
Follow-up imaging in first year 15.3% 16.7% 0.26
Average total radiation (including follow-up imaging) 9.82 mSv 2.92 mSv --
This trend applied even when exclusively examining outpatients -- with major adverse events reported in 3.7% of MRA cases and 8% of CTA cases (p < 0.01). MRA was also associated with a lower percentage of equivocal results compared with CTA (3.9% vs. 6.9%; p = 0.03).
What's more, Repplinger, Nagle, and colleagues reported that the total amount of radiation associated with MRA exams including any downstream imaging within 30 days was an average of 6.9 mSv less than following CTA in the second study. And the cost of the streamlined MR angiography exams was within approximately 10% of the cost of the CT angiography exams.
They also found that nearly the same number of patients underwent follow-up imaging after an initial MRA exam compared with an initial CTA exam, and nearly an equal number of the repeat exams turned out to be from one of the two modalities. The time to follow-up scanning was not significantly different between the two tests.
Similar clinical effectiveness
Collectively, the two studies revealed that MR angiography and CT angiography offer a similar clinical effectiveness for the primary evaluation of suspected PE, although with a few key differences. Whereas MRA had a lower risk of major adverse events and no radiation exposure, CTA was slightly less likely to lead to early (within seven days) repeat imaging.
At 92.6%, the success rate of MRA in the researchers' first study far surpassed the 75% recorded in the Prospective Investigation of Pulmonary Embolism Diagnosis (PIOPED) III trial published in 2010.
MR angiography's superior performance in the current research is likely due to a combination of improved scanner technologies as well as the experience of radiologists and radiologic technologists at institutions well-versed in using the technique, Repplinger said. The group laid out its specific strategy for developing an effective MR angiography protocol for PE in a previous publication (European Journal of Radiology, March 2016, Vol. 85:3, pp. 553-563).
Regarding limitations of the study, the authors acknowledged that the preference of ordering physicians to request MRA primarily for younger female patients, who often had fewer comorbidities, possibly biased the results in favor of MRA.
The team has recently been exploring other ways to improve the diagnosis of PE. For cases involving patients who are sensitive or allergic to gadolinium, they have substituted the contrast agent with an iron-based agent (ferumoxytol). They have also been exploring the use of ultrashort echo time MRI to detect PE, which they believe may even outperform MR angiography.
Looking toward the future, they plan to continue addressing common challenges that arise when introducing a relatively newer imaging technique for PE diagnosis.
"The biggest issue that remains is whether this is going to be a Pandora's box -- leading to clinicians ordering scans willy-nilly since there's no radiation to be concerned about [with MR angiography]," Repplinger said.
"Success in this kind of endeavor and making it practical requires really close collaboration between emergency physicians and radiologists," Nagle said. "It can't be initiated in a one-sided fashion; both sides need to be invested. And I think that that's going to be the key from getting [MR angiography] out of mostly tertiary medical centers and into the community." | slim_pajama |
What exactly implies the need of quantum mechanics for self-adjoint and not only symmetric operators? [duplicate]
**This question already has answers here**:
[Why is quantum mechancis is not content with symmetric operators, but wants self-adjoint operators?](/questions/151273/why-is-quantum-mechancis-is-not-content-with-symmetric-operators-but-wants-self)
(2 answers)
Closed 8 years ago.
We know that quantum mechanics requires self-adjoint operators, not only symmetric. Can we say that this follows ONLY from the two following axioms of quantum mechanics, namely that
1. each observable $a$ corresponds to a linear operator $A$
and
2. an expectation value of a measurement of $a$ must be real
?
I thought these two imply only the need for a Hermitian (i.e. symmetric) operators (because a linear Hermitian operator has real eigenvalues) and that the need for self-adjointness was somehow connected to an additional requirement such as unitarity of the time-evolution operator. What is the missing piece?
(I know how the two terms are defined, e.g. [here](https://physics.stackexchange.com/questions/68826/differences-between-symmetric-hermitian-self-adjoint-and-essentially-self-adj).)
In QM, a *real* valued observable $A$ is mathematically represented by a *projector valued measure* over $\mathbb{R}$, $P^{(A)}$, i.e., if $E$ is a Borel subset of the real line, then $P^{(A)}(E)$ is a projector representing the proposition "the outcome of measuring $A$ falls in $E$". In principle, that's all you need for representing, mathematically, observables in QM (I'm assuming the fundamental formulation of the theory via the non-distributive lattice of propositions).
But, by the *Spectral Theorem* for unbounded self-adjoint operators (proved by von Neumann), we know that given an observable $A$ represented by the projector valued measure $P^{(A)}$, there's a self-adjoint operator, also called $A$, such that the following decomposition is *unique*
$$A=\int\_{\mathbb{R}}\lambda\,\mathrm{d}P^{(A)}(\lambda)$$.
The spectrum $\sigma(A)\subset\mathbb{R}$ coincides with the support of $P^{(A)}$.
This is how and why we get the usual one to one correspondence between observables and self-adjoint operators in QM.
Unitarity of the time-evolution operator is exactly the point:
Stone's theorem (see e.g. Reed, Simon: Theorems VIII.7, VIII.8) tells us
* If $A$ is self-adjoint, the spectral theorem holds.
This gives us a functional calculus which makes it possible to define $U(t) = e^{itA}$ in the first place.
* A such defined $U(t)$ is a strongly continuous unitary group.
* If $U(t)$ is a strongly continuous unitary group, then there exists a self-adjoint $A$ such that $U(t) = e^{itA}$.
Edit: This only tells us why the Hamiltonian should be self-adjoint. QuantumLattice's answer is better.
| stackexchange/physics |
Elam Rotem born 29 November 1984 is a composer, singer and harpsichordist based in Basel, Switzerland. He is a leading expert in early music, specifically the music of the turn of the 17th-century. He is the founder and director of the group Profeti della Quinta and also established and maintains the award winning website, Early Music Sources.com.
Life and career
Rotem was born in 1984 in Sdot Yam, Israel. During his studies at Kibbutz Kabri High School, he set up a vocal quintet with fellow scholars. This ensemble went on to become the international ensemble known as Profeti della Quinta which now performs regularly throughout Europe, North America, Israel and further abroad. Rotem studied for a bachelor's degree in harpsichord at the Jerusalem Academy of Music and Dance and studied for advanced degrees basso continuo, improvisation and composition at the Schola Cantorum Basiliensis. He went on to complete his PhD in 2016 through Schola Cantorum Basiliensis in a joint programme with the University of Würzburg, Germany.
Rotem specializes in the musical style of the 16th and 17th centuries in Italy, and his ensemble, Profeti Della Quinta, is known worldwide for their performances of the music of Jewish composer Salomone Rossi, who was the first composer to use the Western-Christian musical language to compose Hebrew prayers and psalms The Songs of Solomon, 1623.
Compositions
Rotem has composed major works in the Italian style of the turn of the 17th-century based on biblical texts in the original Hebrew. Hebrew works were composed at that time by the Mantuan composer, Salomone Rossi
Whilst countless compositions have been written based on biblical texts, Rotem's works are unique, both in his use of the late Renaissance style in the 21st century and in his adherence to the original Hebrew texts.
Rappresentatione di Giuseppe e i suoi Fratelli Joseph and his Brethren
Musical drama in three acts, composed in the spirit of the early operas. 2014.
Quia Amore Langueo
Song of Songs and Dark Biblical Love Tales. 2015.
Recordings
The Carlo G Manuscript, virtuoso liturgical music from the early 17th century
Luzzasco Luzzaschi c. 15451607: madrigals, motets, and instrumental music
Elam Rotem / Quia Amore Langueo, Song of Songs and Dark Biblical Love Tales, motets and dramatic scenes composed in the spirit of early 17th-century Italian music
Orlando di Lasso / Musica Reservata, Secret music for Albrecht V / The penitential psalms by Orlando di Lassus performed in a historical setting
Elam Rotem / Rappresentatione di Giuseppe e i suoi Fratelli, Joseph and his Brethren, Biblical musical drama in three acts composed by Elam Rotem in the spirit of the early operas
Il Mantovano Hebreo, Italian madrigals, Hebrew prayers and instrumental music by Salomone Rossi
Rore, Monteverdi, and Gesualdo, Part of the 2013 Festival CD Wege zum Barock
Hebreo: The Search for Salomone Rossi, a film by Joseph Rochlitz with Profeti Della Quinta official website
Salomone Rossi: 'The Song of Solomon' and instrumental music, Profeti Della Quinta and Ensemble Muscadin
References
External links
Elam Rotem & Profeti della Quinta American-Israel Cultural Foundation
Category:Schola Cantorum Basiliensis alumni
Category:Israeli performers of early music
Category:21st-century composers
Category:Israeli harpsichordists
Category:Historicist composers
Category:Founders of early music ensembles
Category:Living people
Category:1984 births | wikipedia |
Preparation of tertiary Grignard reagents
Has anyone a good and detailed experimental procedure to prepare tertiary Grignard reagents from tertiary alkyl halides on the lab scale (1-5 mmol)? The actual procedures in the literature are very scarce and limited to patents (large amounts). Older procedures exist only for tBuMgCl and not after 1932.
Sterically hindered GRs are hard to make as @matt\_black mentioned and although its synthesis looks single step and straight forward, most literature leaves bits out. I did find a recent publication where they mentioned the steps:
>
> ***tert*-butylmagnesium chloride**
>
>
> $$\ce{t-BuCl + Mg ->[I2,anhyd. Et2O] t-BuMgCl}$$
>
>
> In a 3L, three-necked, round-bottom flask, fitted with a mechanical stirrer and a Hg seal, a 500-mL separatory funnel, and an efficient reflux condenser, were placed Mg turnings or powder (144g, 6.0 mol). The Mg was then covered with anhyd. $\ce{Et2O}$ (400 mL). Pure $\ce{t-BuCl}$ (~5 mL, with a crystal of $\ce{I2}$) was added to start the reaction. Stirring was begun and a solution of pure $\ce{t-BuCl}$ (555g, 6.0 mol) in anhyd. $\ce{Et2O}$ (1.5 L) was dropped slowly onto the Mg during 6-8 h. The reaction was practically complete when all of the halide had been added, but stirring was continued for further 15 min.
>
>
> Science of Synthesis: Houben-Weyl Methods of Molecular Transformations Vol. 7: Compounds of Groups 13 and 2 (Al, Ga, In, Tl, Be...Ba), Georg Thieme Verlag, **2014**
>
>
>
Alternatively, you can look at the [orgsyn article](http://www.orgsyn.org/demo.aspx?prep=CV1P0524) or this [2001 WOL article](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/047084289X.rb399) but the steps/reagents are more or less same.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Akim is the title character of an Italian adventure comic series created by writer Roberto Renzi and illustrator Augusto Pedrazza.
A Tarzan-based comic book series, it was published by Tomasina from 1950 to 1967. It was also successfully exported in Germany, Greece where it was renamed Tarzan and in France, where Renzi and Pedrazza kept to produce new stories even after the series closed in Italy. The series was later reprised in Italy in 1976 by publishers Altamira currently Sergio Bonelli Editore and Quadrifoglio until 1983, when it finally closed.
References
Category:Italian comic strips
Category:Italian comics characters
Category:Comics characters introduced in 1950
Category:1950 comics debuts
Category:1967 comics endings
Category:1976 comics debuts
Category:1983 comics endings
Category:Jungle genre comics
Category:Jungle men
Category:Jungle superheroes
Category:Fictional feral children
Category:Historical comics | wikipedia |
Changbin Township is a rural township in Taitung County, Taiwan. It is the northernmost township in Taitung County.
The population of the township consists mainly of the Amis people with a Kavalan minority.
Geography
Area: 155.19 km2
Population: 7,756 people
Administrative divisions
The township comprises six villages: Changbin, Ningpu, Sanjian/Sanchien, Zhangyuan/Changyuan, Zhongyong/Chungyung and Zhuhu/Chuhu.
Tourist attractions
Baxian Caves
Chilin Ruins
Chungyung Ruins
Transportation
Changbin Port
Wushibi Port
References
External links
Changbin Township
Category:Townships in Taitung County | wikipedia |
The Joy of Birth & Running Uphill: A Meditation for Bringing Baby Into the World
Basking in joy under the sun after the 2016 Mount Summit Challenge.
"Joy is what a woman feels when she has done something she feels dogged about, that she feels intense about, something that took risk, something that made her stretch, best herself, and succeed...
....maybe gracefully, maybe not, but she did it, created the something, the someone, the art, the battle, the moment; her life." ~from the book Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estes Ph.D.
Nearing the 2016 Mount Summit Challenge finish in joy and pain!
Recently a friend and fellow runner, Colleen O'Neil, shared the nine-minute film 'Running With the Belles' with me and some other trail running women. In the first 10 seconds, the above quote appears.
The film documents several women from the Maroon Belles trail running club, based out of Colorado, as they run the 27-mile Four Pass Loop, which covers four 12,000-foot alpine passes and 8,000 feet of vertical ascent, in one day.
Watching the film elicited many thoughts and feelings. For one, it ignited the idea to form a local all-women trail running club after baby number two arrives - get ready, lady runner friends!
Two, I became curious, picked up my Kindle and purchased the book, Women Who Run With the Wolves, from which the above quote is taken, and then I downloaded the film's theme song, Running With the Wolves by AURORA and listened to it all day!
Three, the quote, which the film maker applied to running, had me reminiscing about what was happening in my very-running-focused life just one year ago. I recalled that exactly one year ago, in January 2016, I began training for the Mount Summit Challenge, the daunting, totally uphill 3.5-mile local race that takes place every April. Last year I sought to to win first female for a deeply personal reason, which you can read about in Dad, I Won the Mount Summit Challenge for You.
At the same time, I was in the midst of Pittsburgh Marathon training, held on May 1, 2016. The races were one week apart (first the Mount Summit Challenge, then the marathon) and fell within a couple weeks of another big event - my wedding! Avie's father, now my husband, Eric, and I wed on April 16, 2016.
These three events were fun, exhilarating and happy in nature, yet, committing to a major competition, a 26.2-mile race and a huge celebratory affair all within 16 days of one another presented a fair share of challenges. Knowing this ahead of time, I managed the impending and almost-certain emotional and mental fatigue with prayer, lots of runs done while reciting mantras or the rosary, meditation, yoga and journaling. There were sleepless nights and moments of wanting to throw in the towel, but I came out of the training, the racing and the planning ready for exactly the thing that inspired me to do all of these BIG things at once...
One might ask, why not spread them out, do the April race, wait three months to do a marathon and wed in the fall? First, we had been engaged for a year and a half - long enough!!! Second, I love the freshness of springtime! Third, the Mount Summit Challenge was the one I had to do - read why here.
Ultimately, this was my "why.".. because the thing that drove me to clump these events so closely together was my desire to grow our family - to have another baby! But first I wanted to get married, win the Mount Summit Challenge and run a marathon. Check, check and check.
The trying commenced! Gratefully, it only took a few months before conceiving.
Thus, this year, as January began, Mount Summit and marathon training did not ensue, and, of course, wedding planning did not commence, either! Rather, birth preparation takes precedence as my due date of late March approaches. Currently, I am 32 weeks along, the beginning of month eight.
A couple weeks ago, Eric and I attended the Yoga & Birth Preparation for Partners workshop at the Bliss Bliss Bliss yoga studio in Morgantown, WV. One tip that the facilitator, a yoga instructor, doula and mother of three, offered as a labor coping mechanism resonated with me on a profoundly personal level. She said to use imagery as a way to maintain focus throughout labor. One visualization she mentioned was to "picture yourself running uphill."
Running uphill?!!! If only she knew how much running uphill meant to me! YES!!! Oh, yes, I can certainly picture that! I hit Eric in the arm with excitement and jotted in our workshop booklet, "Running up Summit." Let it be my labor meditation!
Visualization became a key component of last year's race training, particularly for the Mount Summit Challenge. Every day, I closed my eyes in meditation and pictured myself running up that mountain. Even as I often drove the race route, I pictured myself on the side of the road in lead female and doing it, winning! Seeing is believing, after all!
Even more, when a goal is tied to something as personal to me as that race is, the goal becomes more of a need, an absolute primal desire, a force that cannot be stopped, much like labor.
Labor is the process of soon getting to meet your baby, and with that, the joy of it makes it all worthwhile. Whether it's the joy of pushing out your baby or pushing uphill to a tough finish line, as the above quote states,
Joy is something we women:
feel dogged about
feel intense about
something that takes risk
makes her stretch herself
best herself
and succeed
Clearly, these can be applied to both running and birthing (and if you're not a runner, find that something for yourself!). With that, I carry my past race experiences and my running uphill visualization into the last months of pregnancy and ultimately to birth as a source of courage, strength and faith, to create the something, the someone, the art, the battle, the moment; my life.... and that of my baby's. | slim_pajama |
avalanche phenomena are ubiquitous in nature @xcite . when systems are driven by external forces , their responses are often in the form of intermittent bursts of activities or avalanches .
one well - studied example is the barkhausen noise in magnetic system which corresponds to avalanches of domain movements .
as avalanche behaviors often extend over a huge range of sizes , it has been suggested that avalanche phenomena can be classified into universality classes that are independent of the microscopic details .
a canonical example is the random field ising model ( rfim ) which describes a system of interacting ising spins subject to site - dependent random fields @xcite .
when this ising system is driven by a magnetic field , it responds in the form of sporadic large - scale spin reconfigurations .
these spin avalanches depend strongly on the level of disorder : while the magnetization dynamics is controlled by large system - spanning events at low disorder , small avalanche clusters dominate the magnetic behavior when disorder is increased .
remarkably , the system exhibits a power - law distribution of avalanche sizes at a critical disorder .
this nonequilibrium criticality induced by quenched disorder is characterized by a unique set of critical exponents as in equilibrium phase transitions @xcite .
the rfim has since been applied to a number of other systems beyond spins .
conventional wisdom also suggests that the avalanche behaviors are unaffected by thermal fluctuations and are governed by a deterministic dynamics that depends on the static , quenched disorder in the system @xcite . in this
regard , avalanche is an intrinsic many - body phenomenon in which spin - spin interactions play an indispensable role . in many systems ,
thermal effects are indeed negligible as the energy barriers of spin - flips are often too large for thermal activation to be effective . on the other hand , recent experimental and theoretical studies on magnetic avalanches in molecular magnets
have shown that thermal activation is the dominant factor @xcite .
in particular , in the process known as the magnetic deflagration , the spin dynamics is dominated by single - site spin tunneling assisted by thermal activation .
consequently the avalanche behavior is mostly controlled by the diffusion and dissipation of thermal energy .
fundamentally , magnetic deflagration can be understood in the framework of reaction - diffusion process @xcite which also describes avalanche phenomena , ranging from phase transition dynamics to pattern formation and propagation of epidemic waves .
a key component of thermal activated avalanches is the self - sustainability of excess thermal energies that can be used to overcome the energy barriers .
when a system is trapped in a meta - stable state , a small perturbation or a quick variation of the external conditions can induce relaxation of a portion of the system through thermal activated tunneling .
the energy released from this initial relaxation can be reabsorbed by the rest of the system and used to overcome the barrier again .
an avalanche is then ignited when the relaxation process becomes self - sustained . in this scenario
, the rate of energy dissipation naturally plays an important factor as thermal activation becomes negligible if a significant amount of the released energy is removed from the system .
thermal coupling has also been shown to affect the magnetization dynamics of an important class of materials known to exhibit a colossal magentoresistence ( cmr ) , including perovskite manganites and cobaltites @xcite .
temperature - dependent ultrasharp magnetization steps have been observed in several doped pr@xmath0ca@xmath0mno@xmath1 manganites .
moreover , magnetic deflagration induced by surface acoustic waves has been reported in la - based manganites @xcite .
recent experiments have also observed unusual sweep - rate dependence of the avalanche behavior in cmr materials @xcite . these observations all point to the important role of thermal activations in the avalanche dynamics of these perovskite oxides .
motivated by these experiments , the goal of this paper is to present a theoretical investigation of thermal activated collective behaviors in cmr - related compounds .
a crucial realization in the study of cmr materials is the key role of heterogeneity in understanding the cmr phenomena @xcite .
for example , doped cobaltites such as la@xmath2sr@xmath3coo@xmath1 have been shown to exhibit a particularly clear form of this inhomogeneity by electron microscopy @xcite and nuclear magnetic resonance @xcite .
relevant to our study here is the small doping regime , where the ground state can be viewed as consisting of nano - scale ferromagnetic metallic clusters embedded in a non - magnetic insulating matrix .
such phase - separated state thus leads to a natural formation of a granular ferromagnet , analogous to the artificial granular systems that exhibits a giant magneto - resistance ( gmr ) behavior @xcite .
these gmr meta - materials are composed of ferromagentic clusters deposited in a non - magnetic metallic or insulating matrix .
indeed , lightly doped perovskite cobaltites exhibit a hysteretic magnetoresistance behavior with temperature and field dependence similar to the artificial gmr materials @xcite . in the present work
we perform microscopic dynamical simulations to investigate the intrinsic effects of thermal activation in the avalanche dynamics of granular ferromagnets .
the model of magnetic clusters used in this work is specifically designed such that inter - granular cooperative phenomena are absent in the zero - temperature athermal dynamics .
we develop a numerical scheme based on a microscopic implementation of the reaction - diffusion process modified for the granular systems .
the large - scale simulations on lattice of @xmath4 sites clearly demonstrate thermal activated collective phenomena in the magnetization dynamics of such materials .
in addition , we observe an intriguing non - monotonic dependence of the avalanche behaviors on the dissipation coefficient , indicating the existence of emergent criticality controlled by the rate of energy dissipations in granular ferromagnets .
a continuum percolation model is then developed to understand the numerical results .
in particular , the emergent out - of - equilibrium critical avalanche corresponds to the percolation transition in this picture .
of the magnetic ions . ( b ) distribution of magnetic clusters generated through a site - percolation process with probability @xmath5 = 0.05 . the distribution at large @xmath6 follows a exponential decay @xmath7 with @xmath8 .
[ fig : hs_cls ] ] the granular ferromagnets considered in this work are composed of magnetic clusters embedded in a non - magnetic matrix . in order to perform microscopic simulations
, we define the granular model on a simple cubic lattice . a schematic diagram of the granular magnet is shown in fig .
[ fig : hs_cls](a ) . to be more specific , here
we will use the case of la@xmath2sr@xmath3coo@xmath1 as the example @xcite , although our analysis and conclusion to be discussed in the next section does not depend on details of how the clusters are generated .
the parent compound lacoo@xmath1 itself has attracted considerable attention because of an intriguing thermal induced insulator - metal crossover that is accompanied by a spin - state transition of co ions @xcite . at low temperatures and small fields ,
the trivalent co ions are in the non - magnetic low - spin ( ls ) state with a filled @xmath9 shell .
this ls state is energetically close to two other spin - state configurations @xcite : an intermediate - spin ( is ) state with partially filled @xmath10 and @xmath9 orbitals and spin degree of freedom @xmath11 , and a high - spin ( hs ) state with active @xmath9 orbitals and @xmath12 .
spin - state crossover can be induced either by enhanced temperatures or the application of a magnetic field .
a large magnetoresistance observed in hole doped cobaltites la@xmath2sr@xmath3coo@xmath1 has reinvigorated the research of this perovskite system @xcite .
the co ions in the parent compound lacoo@xmath1 occupy the @xmath13-sites of the perovskite structure and form a cubic lattice .
the la atoms sit at the @xmath14-sites that correspond to the body centers of individual co cubes .
substitution of sr@xmath15 for la@xmath16 introduces holes into the coo@xmath1 array and locally distorts the lattice such that the neighboring eight co ions are elevated to the is state with magnetic moment @xmath11 @xcite .
as the holes are confined to the is clusters , the itinerant electrons interact with the localized spins of is ions via the hund s coupling .
the metallic is clusters can thus be thought of as nanoscale ferromagnets stabilized by the double exchange mechanism @xcite . in our simulations
, the metallic clusters are generated through a site percolation process @xcite as follows .
the body - centers of the co cubic lattice are randomly selected with a probability @xmath5 ; a selected body center corresponds to a substituted sr atom .
if the body center of a cube is selected , the surrounding eight co ions become magnetic .
the resultant magnetic clusters are then identified using , e.g. the hoshen - kopelman algorithm @xcite .
[ fig : hs_cls](b ) shows the probability distribution @xmath17 of the cluster size averaged over 500 percolation simulations with @xmath18 .
the distribution shows an exponential decay at large @xmath6 , indicating that the clusters are below the percolation threshold @xcite , which is the regime of our main interest as our goal is to study magnetic avalanches assisted by thermal diffusion . for magnetic clusters above the site - percolation transition point ,
e.g. generated with a large value of @xmath5 , their avalanche dynamics will be dominated by _
intra_-cluster spin - spin interactions .
it is worth noting that although we use the case of la@xmath2sr@xmath3coo@xmath1 as the example , our analysis below can be applied to general granular ferromagnets . for simplicity
, we consider ising spins in this work .
an ising variable @xmath19 is used to denote the spin state of a lattice site that belongs to a magnetic cluster .
this is a reasonable approximation for several systems exhibiting easy - axis single - ion anisotropy .
although more realistic models such as heisenberg spins are possible , the ising spin approximation allows us to simulate large - scale lattices while capturing the essential physics .
the most important magnetic property of the clusters is the coercive or threshold field @xmath20 .
it represents a measure of the external field that is required to demagnetize a fully polarized cluster .
while intrinsic single - ion anisotropy is the common source of coercivity , spin - spin interactions also contribute to the coercive field . spins in magnetic clusters interact with each other through several mechanisms . first , there is short - range exchange interactions between neighboring spins . for metallic magnetic clusters ,
the double - exchange mechanism gives rise to a non - local spin interaction that is mediated by the conduction electrons , similar to the well known rkky interactions .
there is also the long - range dipolar interaction for spins of large moment .
importantly , significant variation of the coercive field often results from long - range spin - spin interactions , even in the absence of quenched disorder .
for example , coercivity due to magnetostatic shape anisotropy depends on the geometry of the nano - cluster . ]
metallic magnetic clusters in which electron interact with spins through the double - exchange ( de ) mechanism also exhibit a coercive field that depends on the cluster geometry . to demonstrate this property
, we simulate the zero temperature magnetization curve of a randomly generated cluster based on the de mechanism .
our modeling here is particularly relevant for lsco and other gmr systems containing metallic magnetic clusters .
specifically , we consider a hamiltonian that corresponds to the strong coupling limit of de model @xcite : @xmath21 here @xmath22 denotes nearest - neighbor pairs in the cluster , and @xmath23 creates an electron with spin parallel to the local ising moment .
the effective hopping constant @xmath24 depends on the relative orientation of spins at the neighboring sites and vanishes when the two spins are antiparallel to each other .
the magnetic energy has two contributions : the double - exchange energy and the zeeman energy corresponding to the two terms in eq .
( [ eq : de ] ) .
the de part is the sum of all filled electron energies @xmath25 , where the eigenenergies @xmath26 are obtained by directly diagonalizing the tight - binding hamiltonian for a given spin configuration @xmath27 . for a given external field ,
the ground state is obtained by minimizing the total energy , @xmath28 , with respect to ising variables .
starting from a polarized state with all @xmath29 , the magnetization curve of a single cluster is shown in fig .
[ fig : de_cls](a ) for different random realizations . while the demagnetization of such de clusters is a complex process ,
the @xmath30 curves show one or more magnetization jumps at certain field values .
we define a coercive field @xmath20 as the value corresponding to the largest magnetization jump .
[ fig : de_cls](b ) shows the probability distribution @xmath31 of the coercive field obtained from 1000 independent simulations .
a significant variation of the coercive field for de clusters can be seen from the numerical @xmath31 .
interesting , the distribution is slightly asymmetric , indicating a non - gaussian nature of the process .
the above analysis shows that the coercive field of nanoscale clusters in granular magnets depends in general on the size and shape of the cluster . for simplicity , we assume in our simulations that each magnetic cluster is characterized by a single coercive field @xmath20 .
the microscopic mechanism for the coercive field varies from one system to another .
we also assume that there is an intrinsic disorder in the cluster coercive fields , described by a gaussian distribution with a mean @xmath32 and a variance @xmath33 .
again , the microscopic origin of the distribution varies , but most likely involves some long - range interactions .
we expect the general conclusion of our analysis does not depend on details of the coercivity distribution .
since our primary interest in this study is to investigate the intrinsic collective behaviors induced by thermal wave propagation , we will employ the simplest model for the ising spin dynamics , namely , magnetic behavior of a ising spin is solely characterized by the coercive field @xmath20 of the cluster to which it belongs .
specifically , this means that at zero temperature an ising spin will be flipped by an opposite external field only when @xmath34 .
most of the magnetic avalanches , such as barkhausen and crackling noises , are intrinsically non - equilibrium processes , and are often described by athermal and pure relaxational dynamics . within this framework , spin inversion takes place whenever the energy of the system can be decreased . the excess energy released during the inversion process
is assumed to be quickly transferred out of the magnetic subsystem .
the athermal dynamics is often valid at low temperatures and especially when the energy barrier of spin inversion is large enough such that thermal activation can be ignored .
indeed , this approach has been successfully applied to a wide range of magnetic systems .
however , for systems with small or moderate dissipation , the released energy from spin flip can significantly heat up the lattice locally . when this excess energy spreads over the lattice , further spin inversions might be thermally activated due to the elevated local temperatures .
such scenarios have been discussed recently in the context of magnetic deflagration , in which the spin avalanches are modeled by the highly nonlinear reaction - diffusion process .
mathematically it is described by the following nonlinear partial differential equations @xcite : @xmath35 here @xmath36 is the local temperature , @xmath37 is the thermal diffusivity , @xmath38 is the heat capacity , @xmath39 is the energy released by spin inversion , @xmath40 is the dissipation coefficient , @xmath41 is the environmental temperature , @xmath42 is the magnetization density with equilibrium value @xmath43 , and @xmath44 is the intrinsic relaxation rate of the material .
the effective relaxation rate is temperature dependent and follows the arrhenius relation : @xmath45 where @xmath46 is a barrier energy related to the anisotropy , applied field and other external conditions .
it has been shown that a self - sustained propagating spin - reversal front can be generated under appropriate conditions .
such self - sustained spin reversal could occur within individual nano - clusters of the granular magnet .
here we are interested in the intergranular collective dynamics assisted by thermal energy diffusion . to this end
, we introduce a local temperature @xmath47 for each lattice site in addition to the ising variables ( which are defined only for sites belonging to magnetic clusters ) .
similar to the reaction - diffusion eqs .
( [ eq : rd ] ) and ( 3 ) , there are two basic processes in our dynamical simulations , corresponding to the updates of ising spins @xmath48 and local temperatures @xmath47 .
we first discuss the dynamics of ising spins . in the presence of an external field @xmath49 , the ising state that corresponds to spin antiparallel
to @xmath49 becomes meta - stable .
the transition from the meta - stable state to the ground - state ( with @xmath48 parallel to @xmath49 ) is controlled by the energy barrier which is given by @xmath50 , where @xmath20 is the coercive field of the cluster .
we then assume that the inversion of ising spin @xmath51 is governed by a arrhenius dynamics with a transition probability : @xmath52 as @xmath53 , this metropolis - like dynamics gives rise to a step - like behavior @xmath54 discussed in the previous section .
it is worth noting that despite the seemingly similarity , the ising dynamics here is not the metropolis update ; once the spin is in the ground state , thermal fluctuations are ignored due to the relatively large energy barrier .
instead , our ising dynamics is a modified relaxational dynamics which includes thermal activation of the meta - stable state , in much the same spirit as the dynamical equation for @xmath42 in eq .
( [ eq : rd ] ) .
importantly , when the ising spin @xmath48 is inverted , the released zeeman energy @xmath55 is deposited at the @xmath56-th site , which will increase the local temperature by an amount of @xmath57 , where @xmath38 is the heat capacity .
while the spin updates are only performed on sites belonging to magnetic clusters , the local temperature is updated at every site of the cubic lattice .
the update of the temperature variables @xmath47 is governed by the discrete diffusion equation with damping : @xmath58 where @xmath59 is the attenuation coefficient , @xmath60 is the effective diffusivity constant , @xmath61 is the temperature increase due to spin flip per time step . we have also set the background temperature @xmath62 .
the summation over @xmath63 only runs over the six nearest neighbors of site-@xmath56 . in the last term
, the notation @xmath64 or 0 is used to indicate whether the ising spin @xmath48 is inverted or not during the time - step .
consequently , inverted spins act as sources of thermal energy , which then spreads to other lattice sites through the diffusion process .
the dissipation of the thermal energy is controlled by the attenuation coefficient @xmath65 , which plays a crucial role in the thermal activated collective behavior to be described below .
since our simulation starts with the initial condition @xmath66 , the @xmath67 limit corresponds to the zero - temperature athermal dynamics discussed above ; all excess energy is quickly removed from the magnetic subsystem .
the dynamical simulation described in eqs .
( [ eq : w ] ) and ( [ eq : dyn_t ] ) thus explicitly takes into account thermal diffusion and dissipation in the magnetization dynamics .
we note that within the framework of monte carlo simulations , a generalized micro - canonical scheme that incorporates similar thermal effects has been proposed for ising systems @xcite .
it can be viewed as the ising equivalent of langevin dynamics .
our dynamical simulation , on the other hand , should be viewed as a discretized or lattice implementation of the phenomenological reaction - diffusion dynamics modified for the granular ferromagnets . and
( b ) the number of inverted clusters per field step , @xmath68 , as functions of applied field for varying degrees of energy dissipation .
the peak value of @xmath68 shows an intriguing non - monotonic dependence on the dissipation parameter , and the largest avalanche super - cluster appears when @xmath69 .
the inset in ( a ) shows the linear dependence of average trigger field @xmath70 on the dissipation parameter @xmath71 .
[ fig : n_cls ] ]
we perform the dynamical simulations on a cubic lattice containing @xmath72 sites . at the beginning of each run , all clusters are initially polarized to the negative direction , i.e. @xmath29 for all ising variables .
an external magnetic field @xmath49 along the positive direction is then slowly ramped up with a constant rate .
numerically , the field - ramping is done by increasing the field with small steps @xmath73 .
this field step corresponds to a time interval @xmath74 , where @xmath75 is the field ramping rate . at each field step
, a fixed number @xmath76 of metropolis sweeps over spins in all magnetic clusters are carried out . following each spin sweep ,
all temperatures are then updated according to eq .
( [ eq : dyn_t ] ) . for convenience ,
we characterize the different simulations by the percentage of energy dissipation at each field step : @xmath77 where the second term is the attenuation of thermal energy due to dissipation @xmath40 .
this parameter can be written as @xmath78 .
experimentally , the rate of field ramp is related to the number of sweeps used in our microscopic simulations : a larger @xmath76 corresponds to a slower ramping . in our simulations , we used parameters @xmath79 monte carlo and finite - difference updates per field step in our simulations , @xmath80 , where @xmath32 is the average cluster coercive field , the heat capacity @xmath81 , and the thermal conductivity @xmath82 . finally , the cluster coercive field is assumed to obey a gaussian distribution with a standard deviation @xmath83 .
[ fig : m_h ] shows examples of magnetization curves obtained from our dynamical simulations with varying degree of dissipation .
the curves exhibit step - like features corresponding to magnetic avalanches at small dissipation .
the magnetization curves become smoother with increasing @xmath71 . in the extreme large dissipation limit @xmath67 and @xmath84 ,
local temperatures @xmath47 remain close to zero throughout the ramping process , indicating the absence of thermal assisted spin tunneling ; c.f .
( [ eq : w ] ) .
spin - flips occur only when @xmath49 reaches the coercive field of the corresponding cluster .
consequently , inversion of individual magnetic clusters takes place independently of each other and no cooperative behavior is expected .
the magnetization simply corresponds to the accumulation of the coercive field distribution , i.e. @xmath85 .
since here we assume a gaussian distribution of the random coercive field @xmath20 , the resultant magnetization curves resemble a gauss error function , consistent with the trend shown in fig .
[ fig : m_h ] .
it is worth noting that our model is designed in such a way that the system shows no collective behavior in the athermal @xmath67 limit .
this is in stark contrast to the rfim and many other systems where the avalanche phenomena are governed by athermal or pure relaxational dynamics . in our model ,
magnetization jumps that are associated with spin avalanches only occur in the regime of small energy dissipation , indicating that the collective magnetization dynamics is triggered by thermal effects .
this thermal activated avalanche phenomenon can be understood as follows . as the field is slowly ramped up ,
magnetic clusters with smaller coercive field are flipped first .
the inversion of these clusters contributes to the smooth shoulder preceding the step - like features , as shown in all panels of fig .
[ fig : m_h ] .
the diffusion of zeeman energy released from these leading clusters heats up the system and triggers further spin - flips through thermal activation .
importantly , most of the spins participating in the avalanches belong to subthreshold clusters of which the applied field has yet reached the coercivity .
this scenario is also consistent with the fact that the observed magnetization jumps mostly occur at field values well below the average coercive field @xmath32 . on the other hand , whether a thermal activated magnetic relaxation can become self - sustained depends crucially on the rate of energy dissipation . as the energy released by the inverted clusters diffuse to neighboring ones , a significant percentage of this energy has to survive the dissipation in order to continue the process .
the avalanche behavior of granular magnets thus depends on the efficiency of the matrix serving as a medium to transmit thermal energy . to gain more insight into the thermal effects on magnetic avalanches , fig .
[ fig : n_cls](a ) shows the field dependence of the average temperature @xmath86 . for the extremely small dissipation case with @xmath87 , the average temperature increases abruptly at @xmath88 , and
then slowly decays for the rest of the field ramping .
all magnetic clusters are inverted during the step - like increase of @xmath89 , again corroborating the thermal activated nature of the magnetic avalanche . for larger dissipations , the average temperature exhibits spikes that correspond to incidents of spin avalanche . moreover , as the rate of energy dissipation is increased , occurrence of the spikes also shifts toward larger values of the applied field . by averaging the trigger field obtained from tens of independent ramping simulations , we find that the trigger field increases linearly with the dissipation coefficient : @xmath90
; see the inset of fig .
[ fig : n_cls](a ) .
while the magnetic avalanche corresponds to a spike in the average temperature @xmath89 , the spatial distribution of local temperatures shows a rather complex pattern .
[ fig : snapshots ] shows the temperature profile @xmath91 at a randomly chosen cross section of the cubic lattice at different field strengths . at small @xmath49 compared to the trigger field ,
there are a few sparsely distributed spots with elevated temperatures .
these hot spots correspond to inverted magnetic clusters .
the zeeman energy released from these clusters only heats up the lattice locally . as temperature at these hot spots decays to background @xmath41 with
a time constant @xmath92 , the excess energy is not enough to trigger further inversion of clusters . on the other hand , as @xmath49 approaches the trigger field @xmath70 , see fig .
[ fig : snapshots](b)(d ) , the number of hot spots increases dramatically .
the local temperature rise also increases by an order of magnitude .
the significant overlapping of regions with elevated temperatures effectively heats up the whole lattice and triggers a system - size avalanches .
it is worth noting that regions with elevated temperatures at @xmath93 form a complex fractal network which resembles those observed in percolation transitions @xcite .
interestingly , detailed examination shows that the largest avalanche event happens at intermediate dissipation parameter @xmath94 , instead of the zero dissipation limit .
this is demonstrated in fig .
[ fig : n_cls](b ) which shows the number of inverted clusters per field step , defined as @xmath68 , as a function of @xmath49 for various dissipation parameters .
although the peak value of @xmath68 decreases initially as @xmath71 is increased from zero , a non - monotonic behavior is observed and the largest avalanche super - cluster occurs in the case of @xmath69 . this unusual dependence on energy dissipation can be attributed to the intricate interplay between the energy dissipation and the random distribution of cluster coercive field . in the next section
, we discuss this non - monotonic behavior and the existence of a dissipation induced cirticality based on the picture of continuum percolation networks .
before we present the percolation scenario for thermally activated avalanches , we first discuss the linear dependence of the triggering field @xmath70 on the dissipation parameter [ inset of fig .
[ fig : n_cls](a ) ] , which is crucial to the percolation mechanism . in the continuum limit
, the temperature rise due to an inverted cluster can be obtained from solution of the thermal diffusion equation ( [ eq : rd ] ) . for simplicity
, we assume the cluster is small compared with the thermal diffusion length , hence approximate the source term in eq .
( [ eq : rd ] ) with a delta - function .
the avalanche takes place in the field range @xmath95 $ ] , where the width @xmath96 is rather small ; it is approximately a few tens of the field steps from fig .
[ fig : n_cls ] . the duration of the avalanche is then given by @xmath97 .
the temperature field during this time interval is then @xmath98 we have assumed the cluster is located at @xmath99 . as in standard diffusion phenomena , we can define a length scale characterizing the range of thermal diffusion : @xmath100 here we have used the definition @xmath101 , and set the spatial discretization @xmath102 .
the avalanche duration corresponds to roughly @xmath103 monte carlo sweeps in our simulation .
the physical meaning of this length scale can be understood as follows . for a given inverted magnetic cluster
, the released zeeman energy effectively heats up a sphere of radius @xmath104 during a avalanche ; see fig .
[ fig : percolation ] . based on eq .
( [ eq : tr ] ) , the characteristic temperature of the sphere is estimated to be @xmath105 , which the constant @xmath106 accounts for the geometric details of the cluster distribution .
the elevated temperature within this sphere should be sufficient to thermally induce inversion of other clusters with larger coercive field in order to self - sustain the avalanche .
a simple criterion , a necessary but not a sufficient condition , for the survival of an avalanche is that the temperature rise must overcome the average energy barrier @xmath107 for the majority of clusters ; see eq .
( [ eq : w ] ) .
the condition @xmath108 then provides an estimate of the trigger field : @xmath109 using the identity @xmath110 , we obtain a linear dependence of the trigger field on the dissipation parameter @xmath111 for small @xmath71 , consistent with the numerical result shown in the inset of fig .
[ fig : n_cls](a ) .
physically , this dependence can be understood as follows . in the thermal activation scenario ,
the avalanche is initiated by some seed clusters whose coercive field @xmath112 . on the other hand ,
the majority of clusters have a larger coercivity since we assume a normal distribution of the coercive fields .
how efficient these seed clusters can thermally induce inversions of other sub - threshold clusters depends on the average temperature rise @xmath113 with the thermal diffusion length @xmath104 .
this temperature @xmath113 is required to overcome the difference between the coercivity of seed clusters ( which is roughly @xmath70 ) and that of the majority of clusters ( which is represented by @xmath114 ) .
consequently , a larger dissipation gives rise to a smaller @xmath113 , leading to a trigger field @xmath70 that is closer to the average coercivity .
the efficiency of the thermal activation for sustaining the avalanche also depends on the number of seed clusters .
here we can employ the continuum percolation to understand this effect .
continuum percolation model has found numerous applications in disordered systems ranging from porous media , composite materials , polymers and colloids @xcite .
the standard model consists of a system of spatially uncorrelated , equal - sized spheres , whose centers are randomly distributed in a three dimensional bulk .
the spheres form clusters when they contact or overlap with neighboring spheres . in the case of porous media ,
these clusters of spheres form the porous paths through the system .
as the density of spheres increases , some of the clusters start to span the whole system , signaling the percolation transition . , while the red circles represent magnetic clusters yet to be inverted with a larger coercive field @xmath115 .
the inverted clusters act as heat sources .
the diffusion of released thermal energy is characterized by a length scale @xmath104 .
the average distance between inverted clusters is @xmath116 , which is a function of @xmath70 .
[ fig : percolation ] ] in our case , the percolating spheres can be thought of as the spherical region which centers at the inverted cluster and has a radius of thermal diffusion length @xmath104 ; see fig . [
fig : percolation ] .
since the elevated temperature within the sphere can induce further inversions of clusters with larger coercive fields , a system - size percolating super - cluster ( cluster of magnetic clusters in our case ) corresponds to a magnetic avalanche in which an extensive number of clusters are flipped through thermal tunneling . whether a system - size super - cluster can be formed thus depends on the thermal diffusion length @xmath104 as well as the density of the seed clusters . for an avalanche taking place at @xmath117 , the density of seed clusters @xmath118 whose
coercive field @xmath119 follows a normal distribution .
this introduces a new length scale @xmath120^{1/3 } } = \xi_0 \,\exp\left[\frac{(h^ * - \overline{h}_c)^2}{6 \sigma_h^2}\right],\end{aligned}\ ] ] which is basically the average distance between seed clusters . here
@xmath121 is related to the average density of all magnetic clusters .
the percolation threshold in the case of spheres corresponds to a critical ratio @xmath122 @xcite .
the radius @xmath104 as given by eq .
( [ eq : ell_kp ] ) only depends on the thermal conductivity and the duration of avalanches which is not affected much by dissipation . on the other hand ,
as discussed above , a larger dissipation gives rise to a higher trigger field @xmath70 , which in turn results in a higher density of seed clusters and shorter mean distance @xmath116 .
consequently , as dissipation rate is increased , the system will undergo a percolation transition when the mean distance between seed clusters reaches the critical value @xmath123 determined by the special @xmath124 , signaling a magnetic avalanche transition . for percolating systems , a correlation length can be defined as the characteristic linear size of clusters .
similar to equilibrium phase transitions controlled by temperature , this correlation length diverges at the percolation transition @xcite .
the absence of a characteristic length scale at the critical point @xmath125 also implies a power - law distribution of super - cluster sizes , which is indeed observed in our numerical simulations ; see fig .
[ fig : dist_cls ] . for small dissipation , the distribution @xmath126 shown in fig .
[ fig : dist_cls](a ) exhibits a power - law dependence followed by a spike at largest @xmath68 , resembling the distribution in the super - critical regime of the rfim @xcite . in conventional supercritical avalanches ,
the spike occurs at the same largest value bounded by the system size . on the other hand ,
the spike shown in fig .
[ fig : dist_cls](a ) shifts toward smaller values of @xmath68 while its peak also diminishes as @xmath71 increases . at the critical value @xmath127
, the distribution shows a power - law dependence all the way to the largest sizes . above the critical @xmath125
, the largest avalanches are cut off by a characteristic size that becomes progressively smaller with increasing dissipation ; see fig .
[ fig : dist_cls](b ) .
the distribution in this regime is again similar to the sub - critical phase of the rfim @xcite . in percolation models ,
the power - law distribution of cluster size at the critical point is characterized the so - called fisher s exponent @xmath128 : @xmath129 our simulations find a critical distribution @xmath130 , as shown by the dashed line in fig .
[ fig : dist_cls](b ) , indicating an exponent @xmath131 .
this value is consistent with the fisher exponent obtained from both continuum and lattice percolation transitions in three dimensions @xcite .
this agreement further corroborates the continuum percolation picture for the thermal activated avalanches .
it is worth noting that unlike the disorder - induced criticality in random - field ising model @xcite , the appearance of a critical distribution in our system is controlled by the rate of energy dissipation . ]
to summarize , we have conducted large - scale simulations of avalanche dynamics in granular ferromagnets , emphasizing the role of thermal activated inter - granular cooperative behaviors .
we have implemented a microscopic simulation scheme based on the reaction - diffusion dynamics . in this framework
, the reaction corresponds to local spin flipping , from which the released magnetic energy can diffuse to other lattice sites and trigger further spin inversions through thermal activation .
our simulations have shown that magnetization jumps in granular materials correspond to simultaneous inversions of a huge number of magnetic clusters triggered by such a self - sustained thermal activated relaxation .
it is worth noting that magnetic interactions among clusters such as the long - range dipolar force are not included in our modeling of the granular system , the inter - cluster collective behaviors are completely of thermal origin .
the matrix serves as a medium that transmits the thermal energy between clusters .
we have also systematically studied the effects of dissipation on the avalanche dynamics and uncovered an intriguing criticality controlled by the rate of energy dissipation .
the nature of this nonequilibrium critical behavior can be understood within the framework of continuum percolation theory .
essentially , regions with elevated temperatures around the seed clusters overlap with each other and form a percolating network .
the emergent criticality thus corresponds to the percolation transition of these high - temperature regions .
our work was motivated by recent experiments showing unusual sweep - rate dependence of magnetic avalanches in perovskite manganites and cobaltites , especially a non - monotonic dependence of the avalanche dynamics on the sweep rate in lasrcoo@xmath1 @xcite .
both materials are known to exhibit the novel cmr effect .
the phase - separated regime of these compounds , which is crucial to their observed novel properties , can be viewed as granular systems consisting of nano - scale metallic ferromagnets embedded in a non - magnetic matrix .
our analysis can also be applied to granaular gmr meta - materials . since
ferromagnetism in clusters of cmr - related compounds arises from the double - exchange ( de ) effect , we have studied the relaxational magnetization dynamics of such de clusters .
it is worth noting that magnetic avalanches in large double - exchange clusters is by itself an interesting and important topic . in particular , for metallic granular magnets in the vicinity of or above the percolation threshold , such as highly doped cobaltites , the magnetic clusters merge to form extended regions coexisting with the non - metallic regions .
we expect interesting physics to result from the interplay between thermal activation and double - exchange effects .
the author thanks shalinee chikara and vivien zapf for sharing the unpublished experimental results and for numerous insightful discussions . | arxiv |
Internal energy: $\Delta E_{\text{int}}=\mathcal K+\mathcal U \iff \Delta E_{\text{int}}=Q-L$
In thermodynamics textbook of my students of an high school there is not an explanation of the equality
$$\Delta E\_{\text{int}}=\mathcal K+\mathcal U \iff \Delta E\_{\text{int}}=Q-L \tag 1$$
with the $\mathcal K$ (kinetic energy) and $\mathcal U$ (potential energy)
I have explained only the
$$\Delta E\_{\text{int}}=Q-L $$
with the signs of the work $L$ and the heat $Q$ done on the system or out the system.
How can I explain simply the $(1)$?
In the first equation
$$\Delta E\_{int}=K+U$$
$K$ and $U$ are the *changes* in internal kinetic and potential energy, respectively, of the system at the molecular (microscopic) level. It would be better if the book presented as $\Delta K$ and $\Delta U$. Or, alternatively, change $\Delta E\_{int}$ to $E\_{int}$.
The internal kinetic energy is the sum of the translational, rotational and vibrational molecular kinetic energies, as applicable, of the molecules. The internal potential energy is that associated with the relative positions of the molecules and the intermolecular forces between the molecules.
In the second equation
$$\Delta E\_{int}=Q-L$$
$Q$ is energy transfer to/from the system in the form of heat and is positive when heat is transferred to the system. $L$ is energy transfer in the form of work done by/on the system and is positive when work is done by the system.
Putting them together, the total change in the sum of the internal microscopic kinetic and potential energies of the system (first equation) equals the net transfer of energy to/from the system in the form of heat and/or work (second equation).
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> Hence are there two differents equivalent explanations that implies to
> have the same concept?
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The first equation describes the nature of the components of change in internal energy. The second equation describes how those components change, i.e., energy transfer in the form of heat and/or work. –
Hope this helps.
| stackexchange/physics |
Meaning of $v_\mathrm{source}$ in the Doppler effect
The Doppler equation is given by
$$f\_{observed} = \frac{c+v\_r}{c+v\_s} \cdot{ f\_{emitted}}$$
Does $v\_s$ refer to the velocity of the source, relative to the receiver at the time the wave (now at the receiver) was released from the source? Or is $v\_s$ the instantaneous velocity, relative to the receiver, at the time the wave is received by the receiver?
I'm guessing it's the former, but wanted to make sure.
All velocities in this formula are relative to the medium in which the wave propagates. In the case of sound waves, this is usually velocity relative to the air. For sources and receivers moving with variable velocities, the velocity of the source is measured at the moment the wave was emitted and the velocity of the receiver is at the time the wave is received. This means that the frequency of the wave as measured by the receiver may vary in time if either of the two (source or receiver) has some acceleration.
Yes it is the former. I am tempted to say that the latter statement breaks a (postulate?) of special relativity 'no signal can travel faster than light', but this would be abuse of physics as the equation itself contradicts SR in the sense that it is Newtonian.
TL;DR this is true because waves at arbitrary points in a medium cannot be affected by the velocity of the source.
As the source moves towards the wave, the change in wavelength is observed at the source and is given by $$\lambda' = \lambda-{v\_s}{t\_0}$$ where $v\_s$ is the velocity of the source relative to the medium. and $t\_0$ is time period. This means that $c-v\_s=f \lambda'$. The shifted wavelength $\lambda'$ is fixed once the observed cross section of the wave has left the source and stays the same at any receiver. But the velocity of the wave is affected by the velocity of the receiver (relative to the medium). It is clear that $c-v\_r = \lambda'f'$. Hence both velocities have different effects on the wave. One changes the wavelength when it is released at the source, the other changes the frequency at the receiver. We are left with
$$f' = f\frac{c-v\_r}{c-v\_s}$$
To remove ambiguity in 3d, replace $v$ with the dot product of $v$ and the unit vector of the wave direction. So when $v\_r$ is directed toward the wave, we obtain $+v\_r$ as required
One thing that seemed paradoxical to me while deriving this was the fact that the velocity of the receiver relative to the source does not have the same effect as an equal and opposite velocity of the source relative to the receiver. A phenomenon that seemingly breaks Newton's first law. This is resolved by considering that velocity of the medium can be different in either case, so the frames are not galilean shifts. The (non relativistic) doppler effect happens because of velocity relative to the *medium*, not relative to source.
| stackexchange/physics |
Synthetic ruby - damaged by heat less than its melting point?
A bit of a jewellery question but chemistry related. I want to encase a synthetic ruby (corundum, Al2O3) in silver by melting the silver around it. Either in a furnace or by casting. The MP of silver is 960 °C.
The ruby will be facteded and polished. Now, in theory the ruby should be unharmed given that its MP is double that of the silver and is much harder. However, would there be any damage to its optical properties?
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> However, would there be any damage to its optical properties?
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It is almost guaranteed. Corundum is incredibly sensitive to thermal shock and unless you can do this in a furnace that heats very slowly, it will fracture/crack.
As far as any other properties, your ruby should not see any change in other optical properties for such a short duration, but for longer durations (hours at high temperature) metals can diffuse into the ruby and cause color changes, but I doubt this is an issue for what you describe.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Is there any physical evidence for motion?
Let's say that we have 2 tennis balls in space, one being in motion (say, pushed by an astronaut), and the other one still.
If we could take a snapshot of both tennis balls, would there be any evidence that could suggest that one is moving and the other one is still? Is there anything happening, at the atomic level or bigger, being responsible for the motion?
If there isn't, and both balls are absolutely identical, then how come one is still and the other one moving? Where does the difference of motion come from?
According to classical physics: no. It is impossible to tell how fast something is moving from a snapshot.
According to special relativity: yes. If we choose a frame of reference where one of the balls is at rest then only that ball will look normal. The other ball is moving in this frame so it will be length contracted. If its rest length is $L$ then its length will now be $L\sqrt{1-v^2/c^2}$. Since $1-v^2/c^2<1$ the ball will be shorter in the direction it is moving.
According to quantum mechanics: yes? In quantum mechanics particles are described by a wavefunction $\psi(x)$ which (handwavingly) says how much of the particle is present at a certain point. A tennis ball is also described by a wavefunction which you can get by combining all the wavefunctions of its atoms. The wavefunction actually contains all the information you can possibly know about an object, including its velocity. So if you could pause time and look at the wavefunction you would have enough information to know its (most likely) velocity. In real life you can't actually look at wavefunctions: you have to perform an experiment to extract information from the wavefunction. At this point you might wonder if that still counts as taking a snapshot.
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> If we could take a snapshot of both tennis balls, would there be any evidence that could suggest that one is moving and the other one is still?
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We can't. Problem solved.
Well, almost problem solved. So in reality, we can take shorter and shorter exposures. I can take a 1 second exposure of the scene, where the moving tennis ball will be heavily blurred while the stationary one will be crisp. I can capture the same scene at 1/100th of a second, and moving ball will look more crisp like the stationary one. I can capture the same scene at 1/1000th of a second, and it will be very difficult for the human eye to discern which one is in motion. I can make these snapshots shorter and shorter. Indeed, we have looked at imaging scenes at such exacting shutter speeds that we can [watch light propagate through the scene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtsXgODHMWk). But we never quite hit a perfect standstill. We never hit an infinitely fast shutter speed.
Now forgive me if I handwave a bit, but there is an unimaginably large body of evidence that motion exists. In particular, you'll fail to predict very much if you assume no motion occurs. So from that empirical point of view, we should find that motion exists. From a philosophical point of view, there's some interesting questions to be had regarding endurable versus perdurable views of the universe, but from a scientific perspective, we generally agree that motion exists.
So how do we resolve the conundrum you are considering? The answer is calculus. Roughly 400 years ago, Isaac Newton and Gottfried Leibniz independently developed a consistent way of dealing with infinitesimally small values. We generally accept this as the "correct" way of handling them. It does not permit us to consider a shutter speed which is truly infinite, letting us isolate a moment perfectly, to see if there is motion or not, but it does let us answer the question "what happens if we crank the shutter speed up? What if we go 1/100th of a second, 1/1000th, 1/100000th, 1/0000000000th of a second and just keep going?" What happens if we have an infinitesimally small exposure period in our camera?
Using that rigor, what we find is that modeling the world around us really requires two things. The first is the values you are familiar with, such as position. And the second is the *derivatives* of those familiar things, such as velocity. These are the results of applying the calculus to the former group.
We find that models such as Lagrangian and Hamiltonian models of systems work remarkably well for predicting virtually all systems. These systems explicitly include this concept of a derivative in them, this idea of an "instantaneous rate of change." So we say there is motion, because it seems unimaginably difficult to believe that these patterns work so well if there was not motion!
As a side note, you set up your experiment in space, so there's nothing much to interact with. However, had you set the experiment up in the water, you would find the chaotic flow behind the moving ball very interesting. It would be ripe with fascinating and beautiful twirls that are very hard to explain unless associated with some forward motion.
Cylinders Don't Exist
=====================
If I show you a picture of two round objects and tell you that one is a sphere and the other is a cylinder you are looking at head-on, how can you tell whether I am telling the truth or lying? You can't, and therefore, I conclude that there is no difference between spheres and cylinders, because we lack the proper evidence for their existence.
Projection
==========
The point here is that *motion* requires *time*, and a *snapshot* is a projection of a 4-D extended object into 3- or 2-D. The most naive such projections will necessarily destroy information about additional dimensions. If I remove one of the axes which would help you distinguish a cylinder from a sphere (ignoring light reflections, etc.), this is no different than you removing the time dimension to make it impossible to distinguish between a moving or a static object.
Conclusion
==========
If you want to establish the separate existence of spheres and cylinders, you must examine them in all the dimensions which make them different. If you want to establish the existence of dynamic 4-D objects (objects which vary in the time dimension), you must examine them in all the dimensions which differentiate them from purely static objects (ones which are constant along the time dimension).
It is about the frame of reference, in the frame of reference of the tennis ball pushed by the astronaut, it could be considered as standing still and the other ball, the astronaut, and everything else as moving. For the frame of reference of the other ball it could be considered as standing still, and the first ball as moving. If you were with either one, in it's frame of reference, all of the physical laws of the universe would be the same and neither could be preferred as absolute. This is one of the basics of relativity.
Your question assumes one ball is moving and the other is still. That assumption is meaningless without specifying a frame of reference. All motion is relative. To each of the balls it would appear that the other was moving. The 'evidence' that they are moving includes the fact that they would appear smaller to each other, and that their separation was changing.
You are limiting your snapshot to a 3D picture.
If you took a 2D snapshot, it would be impossible to tell how deep your tennis "balls" are (in addition to being unable to tell their motion).
So, take a 4D "snapshot", and all'll be fine.
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> If we could take a snapshot of both tennis balls, would there be any evidence that could suggest that one is moving and the other one is still? Is there anything happening, at the atomic level or bigger, being responsible for the motion?
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>
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If the balls are truly identical and you are at rest with respect to one of them, the light of the one moving will look more red or blue, depending on whether it is moving toward or away from you, by the Doppler shift. This would be most evident if you were positioned between the balls and on their axis, but you would always be able to do it as long as the moving ball is at least partially approaching or moving away from you.
The photos would look identical, but you would have to take each photo from a different inertial frame of reference. You have to be moving in a different speed in a different direction to take the photo. This shows that there is inherent differences between objects in motion.
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> If there isn't, and both balls are absolutely identical, then how come one is still and the other one moving? Where does the difference of motion come from?
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I don't think this question is nearly as perplexing as you might think nor do I think it requires sophisticated physics like the best answer describes. Ask yourself, how do you show with a snapshot that a bowl of soup is at a cold 5 C vs a warm 45 C? Or how could you show that a radio is turned off or is blaring music? Intuitive solutions to these questions would be to take a picture with a thermometer or an oscilloscope attached to a microphone respectively in the same frame.
The easiest way to show with a snapshot that a tennis ball is moving, is by taking a picture with a speedometer reading in the same frame as the ball.
These examples are hard to show directly in a single snapshot in time because they all involve the collective motion of small particles (uniform velocity for motion, random for thermal, and periodic for sound). And motion is described as the change of movement with time, but a snapshot captures an instance in time not a change.
It is perhaps interesting to think about [Mach's paradox](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mach%27s_principle) in this context. I'll get back to your question and the limits of the two-body way of discussing special relativity in the end. One form of the paradox is this: imagine a bucket of water standing on the floor. The surface is (almost) flat. Now start spinning it. The water's surface begins to form a paraboloid. How does the water know it's spinning? Why is the frame of reference in which the water's surface is flat the same frame in which the stars do not move relative to the bucket (which almost coïncides with the frame where the Earth is still)?
The answer is that the presence of the stars determines the global geometry of the universe, and thus the local free-falling frame in which the bucket finds itself up to small corrections due to Earth's gravity and rotation (which is in free fall around the sun which is in free fall through the galaxy which is in free fall through the universe).
Now how does all this relate to your question? Well, we can determine accelerations relative to a global frame given by the fixed stars with as simple a tool as the aforementioned bucket. But if we accept that global frame as special, then we can also detect motion relative to that global frame, which is in a sense absolute as it is given by the universe in its entirety. To do this, you'd need a *long* exposure and a clear night-sky. You would then compare the motion of your tennis balls to the motion of the stars and you could in a meaningful sense call the difference of the motion relative to the stars an *absolute* motion, as it is relative to the universe as a whole (well, to good approximation depending on how many stars you can actually photograph). Since this is literally the opposite of what you had asked, it doesn't literally answer your question, but I think it answers the same question in spirit, namely whether there is a physical difference between "moving" and "stationary."
NB It may seem that I'm upending all of special relativity by that line of thinking but that's not true. Special relativity is a good law of nature, one just has to be aware of other objects which are present when applying it, and whether they have any influence on the question studied -- and that statement is a trivial truth which certainly was on Einstein's mind when he wrote the time dilation law for the first time.
It is possible to measure absolute motion relative to the cosmic microwave background.. A system in rest with the moving ball would measure a dipole in the background radiation.
If we look past your example with snapshots we can just look into modern technology and find a little thing called videos. They can record motion pretty easily. "Is there any physical evidence for motion", videos?
| stackexchange/physics |
the distinguished behavior of superfluid to carry angular momentum have attracted people s attention from long ago .
it is well known that vortex excitation plays an important role when a superfluid responds to the external rotation . nowadays ,
the vigorous development in cold atom physics has provided a new and more favorable arena to prove many theoretical predictions of rotating superfluid s behavior .
it has been clearly demonstrated by many recent experiments that the vortex will be a stable excitation with quite long life - time when sufficient angular momentum is imparted , and the vortex lattice will be generated when even more angular momentum is brought to this system .
besides the vortex itself , the vortex dipole , i.e. , a bound vortex - antivortex pair , is also of particular interest .
it is well known that the low - lying behavior of two - dimensional helium superfluid is dominated by vortex dipole , for the excitation energy of a vortex dipole is much smaller than a single vortex . with the increase of temperature
, the vortex pairs will become unbounded and vortices will be free .
this will lead to a phase transition known as kosterlize - thouless(kt ) transition .
although no vortex - antivortex pair has yet been observed directly so far in atomic bose - einstein condensate(bec ) , it is natural to presume that vortex dipole may play an important role when the imparted angular momentum is not large enough to support the vortex excitation .
so it is worthwhile to study the properties of vortex dipole excitation in an atomic bec .
the existence and importance of vortex dipole in an atomic bec are also indicated by some recent experiments and numerical simulations .
mit group stirred the bec locally with the stirring frequency which was too small to generate any surface mode , however , they observed a large number of vortices after stirring for some time .
this suggested a local mechanism of generating vortex , say through vortex dipole excitation@xcite .
recently some numerical calculation also indicated that stable vortex dipole could exist in a trapped atom bec for a broad range of parameters@xcite .
all of these lead us to believe that cold atom physics will offer people opportunity to investigate this intricate vortex dipole excitation in superfluid .
what is more , the characteristics of trapped atomic bec will add much richer physics content to the properties of vortex dipoles , as well as to the experimental detection and production of vortex dipoles , which will be emphasized in this paper . to proceed in this interesting and meaningful research field ,
we of course should first make clear the properties of a single vortex dipole in bec , i.e. , its angular momentum and energy . in section
ii , we will first deduce an exact result of its angular momentum and energy .
it is not trivial to calculate the angular momentum and energy of vortex dipole in an inhomogeneous condensate .
here we use an integration method in complex coordinate to obtain fully analytical results , which will be described explicitly in this section and the appendix .
we then apply our results to investigate mit group experiment@xcite . through our calculations , we provide strong evidence to support the presence of vortex dipole during this kind of vortex nucleation process , and suggest further experiment to confirm this mechanism . for experimental study the properties of vortex dipole in details , an effective way to generate and detect it is required . although various methods have been widely adopted to produce vortices successfully , the formation of vortex dipole has not been systematically discussed . in section iii
, we will suggest that jila s method@xcite , which generate vortex through a coherent spatial and temporal coupling between two - component bec , could also be used to produce vortex dipole .
measuring the density distribution could demonstrate the density depression in the neighborhood of the vortex center but have nothing to do with its phase .
the same problem will be encountered in the case of vortex dipole . we could not distinguish which vortex is positive or negative only from the density image .
what is more , the velocity field of a vortex dipole decreases quickly from the dipole center , and any closed path , which is a little far from the vortex dipole and includes both the vortex and antivortex , will be quite similar with the case that there is no singularity at all in this area .
it is also not so effective to use interference method to reveal the phase information of vortex dipole as in vortex case@xcite .
however , experimentalists now could accurately measure the frequency splitting of the collective modes when the time reversal symmetry is broken due to the presence of vortices .
this splitting will clearly distinguish vortex dipole from single vortex and vortex - free states . in theory , there are usually two ways to calculate the frequency of the collective mode in presence of vortices , one is perturbative calculation and the other is the sum rule approach .
the results obtained from these two approaches are in good agreement with each other when the vortex is in the center of condensate . however , they are no more consistent when the vortex is off - center as pointed out in ref.@xcite . in section iv , we first use perturbation approximation to calculate the frequency splitting of the collective mode , and then we explain why the sum rule approach fails here . a brief conclusion and discussion
will be given in the last section .
we hereafter consider a bec confined in a pancake harmonic trap , which allows us to deal with a quasi - two - dimensional system .
the gross - pitaevski equation in a non - rotating coordinate frame is @xmath0 where @xmath1 , and @xmath2 is the effective quasi - two - dimensional interaction strength , obtained by integrating the usual three dimensional one @xmath3 over the @xmath4 direction . as we are considering the small angular momentum case , we could start with the thomas - fermi(t - f ) approximation .
so the density distribution of the ground state is well known as @xmath5 where @xmath6 is the t - f radius .
once a vortex dipole appears , in the region outside of vortex core we can write @xmath7 with @xmath8 here @xmath9 is the angle of @xmath10 with respect to @xmath11 axis . @xmath12 and @xmath13 denote the positions of vortex and antivortex respectively
. eq.([wavefunction ] ) follows from the assumption that the presence of vortices will not change the density distribution of the condensate but only introduce a phase , except inside the vortex core .
this is true when the vortex core @xmath14 is small in the t - f region . with eq.([wavefunction ] ) we could calculate the angular momentum of the condensate as @xmath15 only in the region @xmath16 , @xmath17 will change @xmath18 after going along a circle . thus , @xmath19 we notice that the energy of a vortex dipole increases with their distance , and the most efficient way to carry angular momentum is that @xmath12 and @xmath13 direct along the same radius , namely they are fully polarized , as are schematically shown in fig([fig : dipoleconfig ] ) .
so we could denote @xmath20,@xmath21 , therefore @xmath22 where @xmath23 is @xmath24 .
now we turn to the energy of the vortex dipole . in the t - f region , it could be written as @xmath25 where @xmath26 here we have neglected the presence of mirror dipole due to the edge effect , which would be a good approximation in a broad region except when the dipole is very close to the boundary of the condensate . for convenience , we do all the calculation in complex coordinates .
we will use @xmath27 and @xmath28 , and then obtain @xmath29 according to the green formula @xmath30 we could obtain the energy expression in the region @xmath31 @xmath32\ln\frac{d}{\lambda}.\label{e}\ ] ] the detailed calculations are given in appendix b. as the energy is dependent on @xmath33 logarithmically , the vortex and antivortex should bind up to each other closely , and we could neglect higher orders of @xmath34 . compared with the well known result for homogenous case , we also find that in eq.([e])the homogenous density is replaced by local density at the position of vortex dipole .
it can be easily understood because the amplitude of the velocity field of vortex dipole falls rapidly from the center of the vortex dipole , and most contribution to the energy of a dipole comes from the local velocity field .
it is of long standing interest to investigate the intrinsic mechanism of vortex nucleation since the study of helium superfluid . in ref.@xcite dynamic nucleation of vortices in a trapped atomic bec
was studied experimentally .
when the condensate was stirred by a laser with the beam waist comparable to the t - f radius , the condensate was globally rotated . in this case
they found an enhanced vortex generation when the stirring frequency coincides that of surface excitations .
it is indicated that vortex could be generated through surface excitation .
however , when the condensate was stirred locally by a small beam , and the stirring frequency was far below any surface excitation frequency , they also found large number of vortices .
this phenomenon suggested that the vortex can also be created locally in the bulk of the condensate , which seems to be in conflict with the topological argument , unless the vortex dipole was excited as an intermediate step . with the increase of angular momentum ,
the anti - vortices will finally be expelled out from the system and leave only the vortices in the condensate .
a remarkable feature of the local nucleation is that the vortex number produced by this local stirring is strongly dependent on the distance @xmath35 between stirring position and the center of condensate .
the vortex number presents a maximum in the region where the ratio of @xmath35 to the condensate size @xmath6 is around @xmath36 .
hence , a question can be raised that whether we can understand the maximum from the properties of vortex dipole excitation . our answer to
this question is , it is just in this region that the excitation energy of vortex dipole takes a minimum . in other word , the vortex dipole is easiest to be excited in this region . with eq.([l ] ) and eq.([e ] ) in hand , we could calculate the energy as a function of the position of vortex dipole @xmath37 for a given small value of angular momentum @xmath38 .
the result is @xmath39,\label{ed}\ ] ] where @xmath40 denoting @xmath41 is introduced as an energy unit .
here we should emphasize that the vortex core size @xmath14 also depends on @xmath42 via @xmath43 this result is plotted in fig([fig : e1 ] ) .
we could clearly see that the energy minimum occurs at @xmath42 around @xmath36 .
our calculation thus provides a support to the vortex dipole mechanism . respectively , where @xmath44,width=288 ] to further confirm the vortex dipole mechanism
, we investigate the properties of vortex dipole in an anharmonic trap @xmath45 the angular momentum and energy of the vortex dipole will become @xmath46,\ ] ] and @xmath47\ln\frac{d}{\lambda}.\ ] ] where @xmath48 . respectively , and @xmath49 is fixed at 0.05,width=288 ] we find that with the increase of the quartic term , the minimum in the @xmath50 curve moves toward larger value of @xmath42 as shown in fig.([fig : e2 ] . hence we predict that the stirring position where the number of generated vortices reaches its maximum will also change correspondingly , if a similar experiment is performed in an anharmonic trap .
let us first briefly review the vortex formation by phase imprinting method@xcite , which used a laser to couple a two - component bec .
when we write the order parameter @xmath51 as @xmath52 , where @xmath53 , we could map the wave function to a pseudo - spin @xmath54 on a bloch sphere . under the optical coupling
, the pseudo - spin will rotate with the effective rabi oscillation frequency @xmath55 . in the experiment
the laser was locally applied and moved around a circle with the frequency @xmath56 , and the condensate in different points acquires a phase difference proportional to @xmath57 , where @xmath58 is the time interval of the laser passing through these two points . if @xmath59 , the phase difference between the two points is identical to @xmath60 , and the phase configuration of a vortex is built up .
besides , if we only change the sign of @xmath55 and keep the circling direction of the laser unchanged , an anti - vortex will be produced . extending the above method to dipole generation
is straightforward . from fig.([fig : generation ] ) , we can see that the velocity field of a vortex dipole is clockwise in left plane and anti - clockwise in right plane . to produce a vortex dipole ,
the moving laser is required to change the sign of @xmath55 once it crosses the @xmath61 axis .
what is more , the phase configuration of the vortex dipole could be produced exactly .
@xmath55 , the velocity of the moving laser @xmath62 and the phase change gradient of the vortex dipole @xmath63 should satisfy the relationship @xmath64 everywhere along the circle .
@xmath17 denotes dipole phase expression eq.([dipolephase ] ) . denotes the velocity of the moving laser , width=345 ] once the phase along the circle is fixed , according to the uniqueness of solution to the equation @xmath65
, the two phase singularities , as well as the phase elsewhere inside the circle will consequently be determined .
when the ground state of the condensate possesses time reversal symmetry , the @xmath66 collective modes will be degenerate . however ,
once the time reversal symmetry is broken due to the presence of vortex , the frequencies of the two modes will split .
zambelli and stringari used the sum rule approach to obtain an analytical result of this splitting when a single vortex lies in the center of the condensate@xcite .
svidzinsky and fetter also obtained a consistent result by solving the the hydrodynamic equations with perturbational approximation@xcite .
they both found that the frequency splitting is proportional to the total angular momentum carried by the condensate .
later the frequency splitting when the vortex is off - center was also calculated pertubatively@xcite@xcite .
they found that the result obtained from the sum rule approach does not agree with that from the perturbative approach any more . in this section , we will first calculate the collective mode splitting in presence of a vortex dipole from the perturbation approximation , and we find the similar disagreement between perturbation approach and the sum rule approach will also occur here .
we will briefly discuss the reason why the sum rule approach fails to meet the result of perturbative approach .
we should point out that it is not the sum rule itself but the incorrect way we use it that leads to this failure . substituting @xmath67 into eq.([g - p ] ) , we could obtain the well known hydrodynamic equations in the t - f region .
@xmath68 where @xmath69 .
expanding @xmath70 and @xmath71 with @xmath72 and after linearization , we could obtain the equation for collective modes @xmath73.\label{linearization}\ ] ] we notice that the left hand of eq.([linearization ] ) is just the equation of collective motion corresponding to a vortex - free ground state .
and we also note that the effect of @xmath74 to the collective modes is always small , because @xmath74 decreases quickly from the vortex dipole center as @xmath75 while @xmath76 increases from the condensation center as @xmath77 , their overlapping is always small except the position of the vortex dipole is nearby the boundary .
so we could treat the right hand side as perturbation safely and obtain @xmath78 where @xmath79 is the collective mode frequency in a vortex free case .
hereafter we consider the following surface mode @xmath80 from the calculation presented in appendix c , we could obtain the splitting between @xmath81 mode and @xmath82 mode as @xmath83.\label{result}\ ] ] in experiments , from the optical absorption image the vortices positions @xmath84 and @xmath85 can be determined , and then by measuring the frequency splitting and comparing the obtained result with eq.([result ] ) , one can distinguish a vortex dipole from two vortices with the same winding directions .
when we apply the formulism of ref.@xcite to calculate the frequency splitting of @xmath86 modes , we can not obtain the same result as eq.([result ] ) . to understand the reasons ,
let us first briefly remind ourself of the sum rules approach .
the general formula of the sum rules for an arbitrary operator @xmath87 can be easily proved as @xmath88|k\rangle}{2},\\ \sum_n(e_n - e_k)^3\left|\mathcal{f}_{nk}\right|^2=\frac{\langle k|[[\mathcal{f^+},h],[h,[h,\mathcal{f}]]]|k\rangle}{2}.\end{aligned}\ ] ] if we choose @xmath89 , and with a particular choice of the operator @xmath87 which satisfies @xmath90 , we could obtain @xmath91,[h,[h,\mathcal{f}]]]|0\rangle}{\langle 0|[\mathcal{f^+},[h,\mathcal{f}]]|0\rangle}\label{sumrule}.\ ] ] this is a powerful method because we can obtain the excitation energy directly from the property of the ground state without the explicit wavefunction of excitation state .
however , the successful application of the sum rule approach relies on the proper choice of @xmath87 , which should excite the ground state to only one definitive excited state .
when the system possesses some particular symmetry , we may easily find out a suitable @xmath87 .
that s true when there is a central vortex , as rotation invariance is still present and the excited state should also have the form @xmath92 .
so we could easily select @xmath87 as @xmath93 to make use of the sum rule .
however , the rotation invariance is broken in the case of vortex dipole . the choice of @xmath87 still as @xmath93 will excite several states , and eq.([sumrule ] ) will not tenable .
that s why the sum rule approach fails to agree with the perturbative result in ref.@xcite .
in summary , by applying a convenient integration method in complex coordinate , we have obtained the fully analytic expressions of the angular momentum and energy of a vortex dipole in a trapped bec .
we also suggest an effective method to generate and detect the vortex dipole .
our work may provide a starting point for the research in the problem of vortex dipole excitation .
there still remains many interesting fundamental issues in both theoretical and experimental physics , such as its dynamics , stability and detailed generation mechanism .
the precession of off - center vortex in a trapped condensate has been fully investigated both in experiment and theory .
the mutual interaction between vortex and antivortex is presumed to bring a more nontrivial trajectory for vortex dipole . on the other hand ,
its dynamic behavior is closely related to its stability . in the dual electromagnetic picture@xcite , the positive and negative charge ,
to which the vortex dipole corresponds , will tend to annihilate each other via electromagnetic radiation , say phonon excitation in original picture .
however , in a trapped condensate , there are two mechanism to stabilize the vortex dipole , one is the angular momentum conservation , and the other is the discrete spectrum of the the phonon in a finite system .
investigation of this interesting competition will reveal the underlying physics of the numerical simulation@xcite .
the fundamental mechanism of generating vortex dipole from a local stirring is even more complex , and it may resemble the birth of electron and positron from the vacuum polarization of the electromagnetic field .
another important issue which should also arouse great attention is the complex phase diagram of rotating two - dimensional superfluid .
when the angular momentum l equals zero , the critical temperature @xmath94 for k - t transition is well understood .
but when the superfluid carries a certain angular momentum , the dependence of @xmath94 to the angular momentum , as far as we are concerned , hasnt been clearly revealed . on the other hand , with the increase of angular momentum
, the vortex dipoles will break into free vortices , and finally stable vortex excitation will become dominative .
however , the explicit mechanism of the transition from vortex dipole excitation to stable vortex excitation is also still unknown .
the interplay of the angular momentum and the thermal excitation will bring rich physics to the rotating two - dimensional superfluid .
several works are proceeding .
_ acknowledgements _ : the authors should like to thank professor c. n. yang for encouragement . and
the authors would like to acknowledge for helpful discussions with z.y .
weng , l. chang , r. l@xmath95 and x.l.qi .
qz would like to thank professor t.l.ho and professor z.y.weng for their valuable support during his predicament excruciated by visa delay .
qz also thanks castu for providing a friendly environment to finish this work .
this work is supported by national natural science foundation of china ( grant no .
in this section we introduce our method used to do integration in a two - dimensional space . by denoting @xmath27 and @xmath28 , we can turn the integration into the complex coordinate as @xmath96 where @xmath97 denotes the integration region , and the @xmath98 operate fulfils @xmath99 , here @xmath100 is the coordinate in real or complex space . introducing a differential @xmath101-form @xmath102 in which the function @xmath2 satisfies @xmath103 we have @xmath104 . according to the green formula , we could change the above integration over @xmath97 to over its boundary denoted as @xmath105 as @xmath106 this method is very useful when doing integration in a irregular region , because it turns a two - dimensional integration into a one - dimensional one , and result of the latter is easier to be obtained numerically or approximatively .
to obtain the result of the integration eq.([dipoleenergy ] ) we first calculate @xmath107 according to above method , it turns to @xmath108 we notice that not only does the integrand has two singularities @xmath109 and @xmath110 , but also includes multi - value parts @xmath111 and @xmath112 , so the integration in the boundary should be as the left side of fig.([fig : integration1 ] ) .
+ in the condition that @xmath113 , the integration along circle @xmath114 reads @xmath115i(z - z_1)d\varphi\\ & & = -2i\pi\ln\frac{\lambda}{d}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the similar result of integration along @xmath116 circle reads @xmath117 .
we notice that the imaginary part of the logarithmic function in integrand in branch @xmath118 differs from that in @xmath119 by @xmath18 , the integration along the two branches gives @xmath120 the integration is more complex along circle @xmath121 , we shall decompose eq.([b1 ] ) as @xmath122 the general form of the integrand could be written as @xmath123 \left[\ln{z}-\sum_{n=1}^{\infty}(\frac{z_i}{\bar{z}})^n\right],\ ] ] then each of the four terms after decomposition is easier to be calculated .
we obtain the integration along @xmath121 circle as @xmath124.\ ] ] the above value will vanish in the limit of @xmath125 , thus could be neglected .
then we shall obtain @xmath126 proceeding the similar steps , we could obtain @xmath127 the energy of a vortex dipole will finally read @xmath128\ln\frac{d}{\lambda}.\ ] ]
we notice that the eq.([splitting ] ) is linear with respect to @xmath74 , we could first calculate a single positive vortex case .
that is @xmath129 and @xmath130 where @xmath131 , @xmath109 denotes the location of vortex .
thus @xmath132 the integration along the boundary is expressed as the right ride of fig([fig : integration1 ] ) , and the result is easily to be obtained as @xmath133 with the same process , we could also obtain @xmath134 as @xmath135.\ ] ] recalling that @xmath136 and substituting the above expression back into eq.([splitting ] ) , we will obtain @xmath137.\ ] ] the same result of ref.(@xcite ) is again obtained . as we have emphasized that eq.([splitting ] ) is linear with @xmath74 , the above result of single vortex can be directly extended to vortex dipole , that is @xmath138,\ ] ] where @xmath110 is the position of anti - vortex . to calculate the frequency of @xmath82 mode
, we only need to change the sign of @xmath74 equivalently .
so the frequency splitting of @xmath66 mode is @xmath139.\ ] ] | arxiv |
Kraig J. Powell born March 18, 1966 in Tacoma, Washington was an American politician and a Republican member of the Utah House of Representatives representing District 54 from 2009 to 2016. In October 2016, he was appointed as a judge of the Utah 4th District Court by Utah governor Gary Herbert.
Early life and education
Powell was born in Tacoma, Washington. He earned his BA in English from Willamette University, his MA and PhD in government from the University of Virginia, and his JD from the University of Virginia School of Law.. He worked as an intern for the U.S. Senate Labor Committee, a Senior Law Clerk at the Illinois Supreme Court, a briefing Attorney, Texas Court of Appeals, and a city attorney in Midway, Utah. He now lives in Heber, Utah, with his wife Kim and their four children.
Political career and elections
Kraig was first elected on November 4, 2008.
2008 - When District 54 Republican Representative Gordon E. Snow left the Legislature and left the seat open, Powell was one of two from among three candidates selected by the Republican convention for the June 24, 2008 Republican primary, which Powell won with 2,052 votes 51.6 and won the three-way November 4, 2008 General election with 9,353 votes 67.4 against Democratic nominee Neil Anderton and Constitution candidate Douglas Thompson, who had run for the seat in 2004.
2010 - Powell was unopposed for both the June 22, 2010 Republican Primary and the November 2, 2010 General election, winning with 9,540 votes.
2012 - Powell was unopposed in the primary elections on June 26, 2012 and won the general election on November 6, 2012 with 9,252 votes 59.3 defeating democratic nominee Chris Robinson.
2014 - Powell defeated Wylder Smith in the Republican convention and won the general election on November 4, 2014 with 6,262 votes 61.8 defeating Democratic nominee Glenn J. Wright.
During the 2016 legislative session, he served on the Public Education Appropriations Subcommittee, Retirement and Independent Entities Appropriations Subcommittee, House Political Subdivisions Committee, the House Retirement and Independent Entities Committee, and the House Education Committee.
2016 sponsored legislation
Powell also floor sponsored two bills: SB0005S01 Retirement and Independent Entities Base Budget, SB0019 Phased Retirement, SB0020 Retirement Systems Audit Recommendations Amendments, SB0024 Utah Housing Corporation Sunset Extension, SB0029 Retirement Systems Amendments, SB0037 Human Resource Management Rate Committee, SB0208 Retirement Amendments, and SB0210S04 Unmanned Vehicle Revisions.
References
External links
Official page at the Utah State Legislature
Kraig Powell at Ballotpedia
Kraig Powell at the National Institute on Money in State Politics
All information for Representative Powell's bills in 2014 can be found here:
Category:1966 births
Category:Living people
Category:Eagle Scouts
Category:Members of the Utah House of Representatives
Category:People from Heber City, Utah
Category:University of Virginia alumni
Category:University of Virginia School of Law alumni
Category:Utah lawyers
Category:Utah Republicans
Category:Willamette University alumni
Category:Politicians from Tacoma, Washington
Category:21st-century American politicians
Category:People from Midway, Utah | wikipedia |
Truckers face a lot of pressure on the road. They have deadlines to meet and customers to greet. But, that pressure can be deflated by tire problems - and that's not the kind of deflation truckers want or need. Under-inflation costs the trucking industry some $2,200 per year per truck. And, that doesn't include the lost fuel due to rolling resistance inefficiencies. Here's where a new technology can help.
The Aperia Halo is an ingenious device that attaches to the center of the truck's wheel Inside of it is a pump that captures energy from a pendulum that swings inside, synchronized to the wheel's rotation. It's that tire rotation that produces the pumping action that inflates the tires when needed. An internal sensor detects tire pressure to ensure that tires are always inflated to the proper pressure.
The Federal Motor Carrier Safety Administration has previously reported that more than half of all truck tires are underinflated, driving up maintenance costs by at least 10 percent. Each system that's attached to a tire is good for about 500,000 miles, meaning that trucking companies can greatly reduce their tire-related costs.
Aperia Halo isn't the only device on the market that helps inflate tires when they're low. Other systems attach differently, are located behind the tire, or use the axle as the source of the air and pressure. But, in all cases, these systems help to reduce the regular maintenance on the trucks as they make cross-country journeys.
Truckers don't have to stop to check tire pressure, they won't suffer as many blowouts, and they won't be stuck on the side of the road for hours waiting for a tow truck or replacing the tire. That means trucking companies can make more shipments on time, save more money on overstock, and save money on additional pay for non-productive work by truckers.
Another benefit of these tire pressure monitoring and autofill systems is that they reduce the risk of accidents. When a truck is on the road, there's always the risk that an underinflated tire will blow out. Attorneys, like Keith Kofsky, see this kind of thing all the time. Accidents happen, and that's also how accident and injury lawsuits happen. Trucking companies can save themselves potentially hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars, with a simple tire-inflating device.
With all of the benefits, what's not to love? Well, one of the disadvantages of these systems is that they do not take air out of the tire. If tires are inflated, and the truck's elevation or temperature changes (as it's traveling through different states), the tires may end up becoming overinflated as the PSI increases due to heat generated inside of the tire.
This usually results in a 2 PSI increase for every 10-degree change in temperature.
The cost-benefit discussion is an important one to have. But, on the whole, it's usually worth the additional cost. Since trucking companies spend thousands of dollars per truck right now on tire inflation problems, upgrading the system immediately will permanently and immediately end those additional costs.
Keith Kofsky, Esq, has advocated for the victims of auto accidents for over 30 years. One of his goals is to educate people to help them drive safely. You can find his helpful articles on many websites online. | slim_pajama |
Can we feel the electrons which move from one object to other during rubbing which caused charge?
I am new to the world of electricity and magnetism. And still learning the basics of it. As I was studying about transfer of electrons I got the following doubts
(1) Can I feel the electrons which pass between two objects?
(2) I am unable to convince myself with the thought that why would electrons flow between two objects? What is the need?
First of all , I don't understand what you mean by feeling electrons but here is an answer.
**Can you feel the atoms in your finger with which you typed this question or the atoms in your brain where this question arised ?**
No. The only way to know this happening or existing is through rigorous experiments and with the help of them we make a principal governing this. We know that electrons are exchanged when some substances are rubbed against other one because the substances show bizarre activities (all such attraction and repulsion).
Now coming to the second part.
>
> I am unable to convince myself with the thought that why would electrons flow between two objects? What is the need?
>
>
>
There is no need. It was all you which caused the electron to come out of one atom and get absorbed by other atom. If you didn't rub them there will be no exchange of electrons.
One more thing I would like to tell you is that this exchange doesn't occur with any pair of substances and are related to a particular pairs only.
**Talking about those particular pairs :**
One of the bodies in those pairs need to be made up of atoms having less [ionisation energy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ionization_energy) i.e. can loose electrons with a little supply of energy and the other one needs to be made up of atoms having appropriate or favourable [electron affinity](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electron_affinity) or greater tendency to absorb electrons .
So, the energy which you supply while rubbing is utilised by the atoms of one of the body and they release electrons and this electrons then jump to the atoms of the other body and become more stabilised and thus creating a net charge difference between the two surfaces.
So electrons come out because you supplied energy and were absorbed by other atoms since it was a more stable configuration (since electron gain enthalpy is greater than the ionisation energy).
Hope it helps 🙂.
| stackexchange/physics |
stoke is the second leading cause of death worldwide as well as in korea , and thus prevention of stroke is a major public health priority .
modifiable lifestyle risk factors such as dietary intake could be related to the risk of stroke .
these include an inverse relationship between intake of fruits and vegetables and stroke risk [ 4 - 7 ] .
meta - analyses of cohort studies show that increased intake of fruits and vegetables is associated with a reduced risk of stroke , and provides support for the recommendation to consume more than five servings of fruits and vegetables per day , which is likely to cause a major reduction in stroke .
the potential protective effects of fruits and vegetables may be due to their antioxidant vitamins , folate contents , and metabolically related b vitamins such as vitamin b12 , vitamin b6 , and riboflavin .
vitamin c , -carotene , and vitamin e scavenge free radicals , and vitamin c protects membranes from peroxidation by regenerating their -tocopherol components .
free radical oxidation of ldl is thought to be an important contributor to the development of atherosclerosis , and thus antioxidants may slow or prevent this process and thereby decrease the risk of stroke .
observational studies have shown that decreased risk of stroke is associated with increased antioxidant intake .
this decreased risk is associated with some but not all antioxidant vitamins [ 11 - 13 ] , and two randomized trials found no association between supplementation with -carotene and some other antioxidant vitamins and a reduced risk of stroke .
there has been growing interest in protection against stoke by intake of folate and related b vitamins [ 16 - 17 ] .
these effects may be mediated via homocysteine , the metabolism of which requires adequate status of all four relevant b vitamins .
higher folate intakes were associated with reduced stroke risk in studies of health professionals , male swedish smokers , and male finnish smokers , but not in the nurses health study .
thus , the role of folate in stroke has yet to be established , and data on the intake of other b vitamins and stroke are sparse .
some studies have reported an association between food group intake and stroke risk , while others assessed only selected nutrients .
the purpose of the present study was to examine the hypothesis that intake of fruits and vegetables , and also their nutrients such as antioxidant vitamins and folate and related b vitamin reduces the risk of stroke after adjusting for traditional risk factors in korean population .
we recruited patients admitted to hanyang university seoul hospital for treatment of first event of stroke ( n = 69 ) between may 2007 and january 2009 to participate in the present study .
the 69 cases were age- , sex- , and body mass index - matched to healthy controls ( n = 69 ) .
this study was approved by the institutional review board of hanyang university seoul hospital and written informed consent was obtained from all participants .
anthropometric data , medical history , and socioeconomic status were obtained from both medical chart reviews and interviews .
the participants ' usual dietary intakes were assessed using a semi - quantitative food frequency questionnaire ( ffq ) , which includes questions on 117 food items commonly consumed in korean meals , obtained from the korea health and nutrition examination survey ( khanes ) in 1998 .
patients or caregivers were asked to indicate how often , on average , they had consumed various foods during the year prior to the interview and asked about their usual consumption patterns , so as to exclude periods of illness or dieting .
the portion size was determined depending on the median value of each food determined from the 24-h recall data obtained from the khanes . for easy understanding of portion size , we provided pictures on serving size for food items .
three - dimensional food models and full - scale photographs were used to assist subjects in estimating portion size .
nutrient and food intake were analyzed by can - pro 3.0 ( the korean nutrition society , seoul , korea ) .
blood samples were collected in edta and sst blood tubes on the day of admission , centrifuged , and then divided into aliquots for storage at -80. serum lipid profiles ( tba-30fr ; toshiba , tokyo , japan ) , blood chemicals ( coulter lh 750 , beckman coulter , inc . , fullerton , ca , usa ) , liver function ( variant ii , bio - rad , hercules , ca , usa ) , and c - reactive protein ( crp ) concentrations ( immage immunochemistry system ; beckman coulter , inc . ,
continuous variables were expressed using the mean and the standard errors of the mean to compare cases and controls using an independent t - test .
intake of nutrients and foods was categorized into quartiles based on control values . to prevent confounding ,
the following covariates were included in the models : age , sex , body mass index ( bmi ; kg / m ) , family history of stroke , and energy intake ; and were selected by use of a backward variable selection method .
we recruited patients admitted to hanyang university seoul hospital for treatment of first event of stroke ( n = 69 ) between may 2007 and january 2009 to participate in the present study .
the 69 cases were age- , sex- , and body mass index - matched to healthy controls ( n = 69 ) .
this study was approved by the institutional review board of hanyang university seoul hospital and written informed consent was obtained from all participants .
anthropometric data , medical history , and socioeconomic status were obtained from both medical chart reviews and interviews .
the participants ' usual dietary intakes were assessed using a semi - quantitative food frequency questionnaire ( ffq ) , which includes questions on 117 food items commonly consumed in korean meals , obtained from the korea health and nutrition examination survey ( khanes ) in 1998 .
patients or caregivers were asked to indicate how often , on average , they had consumed various foods during the year prior to the interview and asked about their usual consumption patterns , so as to exclude periods of illness or dieting .
the portion size was determined depending on the median value of each food determined from the 24-h recall data obtained from the khanes . for easy understanding of portion size , we provided pictures on serving size for food items .
three - dimensional food models and full - scale photographs were used to assist subjects in estimating portion size .
nutrient and food intake were analyzed by can - pro 3.0 ( the korean nutrition society , seoul , korea ) .
blood samples were collected in edta and sst blood tubes on the day of admission , centrifuged , and then divided into aliquots for storage at -80. serum lipid profiles ( tba-30fr ; toshiba , tokyo , japan ) , blood chemicals ( coulter lh 750 , beckman coulter , inc . , fullerton , ca , usa ) , liver function ( variant ii , bio - rad , hercules , ca , usa ) , and c - reactive protein ( crp ) concentrations ( immage immunochemistry system ; beckman coulter , inc . ,
continuous variables were expressed using the mean and the standard errors of the mean to compare cases and controls using an independent t - test .
intake of nutrients and foods was categorized into quartiles based on control values . to prevent confounding ,
the following covariates were included in the models : age , sex , body mass index ( bmi ; kg / m ) , family history of stroke , and energy intake ; and were selected by use of a backward variable selection method . a p value of < 0.05 was considered statistically significant .
stroke cases were significantly more likely to have a family history of stroke than controls ( table 1 ) .
age , sex , bmi , education level , smoking , drinking , exercise , and family history of diabetes and hypertension were similar between cases and controls .
in addition , there were no significant differences in liver function , lipid profile , crp , and hemoglobin a1c .
multivariable - adjusted regression analysis showed that intakes of total fat , plant fat , calcium , potassium , vitamin b1 , vitamin b2 , vitamin b6 , niacin , and folate were negatively correlated with the risk of stroke after adjusting for age , sex , bmi , and family history of stroke ( table 2 ) .
although the trend was not significant , the risk of stroke was lower in the third quartile of protein intake , and the second and the third quartile of fiber intake .
however , intake of antioxidant vitamins , such as carotene , vitamin c , and vitamin e was not associated with the risk of stroke .
intake of vegetables was negatively associated with the risk of stroke by multivariable - adjusted regression analysis after adjusting for age , sex , bmi , and family history of stroke ( table 3 ) .
the trend was not significant , but stroke risk was reduced in the second quartile of fish intake .
there was no association between intake of grain , fruits , seafood , milk and meat , and the risk of stroke .
consumption of vegetables and b complex vitamins , such as b1 , b2 , b6 , niacin , and folate was associated with reduced risk of stroke after adjusting for bmi , sex , age , energy intake , and family history of stroke .
however , risk of stroke was not related to the intake of fruits and antioxidant vitamins . compared to subjects who ate less than four vegetable servings per day , those who ate four to six servings per day exhibited a 32% reduction in the risk of stroke , and those who ate more than six servings per day exhibited a reduction of 69% .
the present study adds to the growing evidence that increased vegetable consumption is protective against stroke [ 5 - 7,18 - 19 ] , and provides support for recommendations encouraging the public to consume more than four servings of vegetables per day .
the potential protective effect of vegetables on stroke is thought to be mediated through reductions in homocysteine concentration .
plasma homocysteine is very responsive to intervention with b - vitamins required for its metabolism : folate , and to a lesser extent , vitamin b6 , and riboflavin .
previous studies showed that intake of folate between 300 g and 821 g reduced the risk of stroke [ 17 - 19,21 - 22 ] , and the present study also observed a 90% stroke risk reduction in subjects with daily folate intake of more than 412 g .
in addition , intakes of vitamin b6 , riboflavin and niacin were negatively associated with the risk of stroke in the present study .
there is growing evidence that niacin inhibits vascular inflammation by decreasing endothelial reactive oxygen species production and subsequent ldl oxidation and inflammatory cytokine production , key events involved in atherogenesis .
another b vitamin , vitamin b12 may also protect against stroke by mediating homocysteine metabolism , but unfortunately our database did not contain vitamin b12 content of foods .
vegetables are also rich sources of potassium and calcium , which have been shown to lower blood pressure .
since high blood pressure is the major cause of stroke , the effects of potassium and calcium on blood pressure may contribute to the reduced risk of stroke with an increased vegetable intake higher dietary calcium and potassium intake are inversely correlated with the risk of stroke or stroke mortality [ 25 - 26 ] , and the systolic hypertension in the elderly study indicated that low serum potassium was associated with increased stroke incidence .
randomized controlled trials have shown fruit and vegetable consumption to significantly lower systolic and diastolic blood pressure [ 28 - 29 ] , and thus possibly preventing stroke .
the present study also showed a negative association between intake of calcium and potassium and stroke risk .
other mechanistic effects of vegetable consumption on stroke risk may be due to antioxidant vitamins , such as vitamin c , vitamin e , and -carotene . in the iowa women 's health study and the rotterdam study ,
antioxidants were shown to prevent stroke possibly by reducing lipid oxidation of ldl cholesterol [ 9 - 10 ] . however , prospective studies of nurses in the united states and the netherlands observed a non - significant association between the risk of stroke and intake of vitamin e , and between risk of stroke and serum concentration of vitamin e . an intervention study on the intake of vitamin c , vitamin e , and carotenoids failed to show any beneficial effect on stroke incidence or mortality .
the present study showed that intake of vitamin c , vitamin e , and carotene was not associated with the risk of stroke .
although these observational studies produced inconsistent results , it does not mean that there is no association between antioxidants and stroke .
the results may reflect the fact that the combination of photochemicals contained in vegetables may have a greater cumulative effect than a single antioxidant .
the lack of an association between intake of fruits and the risk of stroke is difficult to explain . in recent analyses from the life span study cohort ,
nurses ' health study and the health professionals ' follow - up study , fruit intake was associated with a reduction in the risk of stroke .
meta - analyses of nine independent cohorts reported that the average intake of fruits was two to four servings per day , and that the risk of stroke was reduced for those who ate at least three to five servings of fruit per day .
however , in our study , fruit intake was low in general , with an average daily intake of one serving .
sex , age , geographical origin , collection method for dietary information , subtypes of stroke , and cutoff - points of nutrient intake may influence the conclusions of various studies .
the northern manhattan study reported that increased daily total fat intake , especially above 65 g , significantly increased risk of stroke , but a number of prospective cohort studies performed in japanese samples showed that higher intake of fat ( median 47 g daily ) was associated with decreased stroke risk [ 32 - 34 ] , suggesting that the very lowest levels of fat intake are associated with a higher stroke risk .
the present study supported that a higher intake of fat reduced the risk of stroke in a cohort with lower levels of fat intake .
the average daily intake of total fat in this study was 51 g , lower than 65 - 70 g that the united states department of health guidelines recommend for adults .
several previous studies reported a significant inverse association between fish intake and risk of total stroke , particularly ischemic stroke [ 36 - 37 ] .
possible mechanisms for protection against stroke by fish intake include inhibition of platelet aggregation , lowered blood viscosity , suppressed formation of leukotrienes , and reduction of plasma fibrinogen and blood pressure . in the present study ,
the average intake of fish was 3.5 servings per week , and although there was no significant trend , stroke risk was significantly reduced in the second quartile of fish intake ( 1.2 - 2.7 servings per week ) .
our previous study showed that the average intake of n-3 fatty acids among korean adults was 1.2 g / d , lower than in eskimos but higher than american and european samples .
additionally , we found that erythrocyte n-3 fatty acids could protect against hemorrhagic stroke and ischemic stroke , particularly in the case of small - artery occlusion .
the food catalog included in the questionnaire was limited , and may not have captured the total intake of nutrients and food groups among our participants , which may have caused underreporting of certain food categories .
our findings do not demonstrate causality since the observed relationships may be due to residual confounding from other factors associated with stroke risk , such as differences in socioeconomic status not accounted for by adjustment for clinical and environmental risk factors . in addition , the numbers of subjects included in this study was small , and the generalizability of the present data to other populations is unknown . in conclusion
, our observational study suggests that intake of fat and vegetables , rich sources of vitamin b complex , calcium , and potassium may protect against stroke .
larger clinical trials are necessary to confirm the causality between vegetable intake and risk of stroke , and to clarify the mechanisms through which a high intake of vegetables may protect against stroke . | pubmed |
What causes methane to have 25 times higher global warming potential than CO2
What causes methane to have 25 times higher global warming potential than $\ce{CO2}$?
I think it has to do with $\ce{CH4}$ being a less massive molecule, but I'm not sure.
First we have to look how the greenhouse effect works for all gases:
Light with a wavelength not absorbed by the atmosphere gets absorbed by the soil and heats up the earth. Because of black body radiation for 300K the earth starts to emit light itself with a maximum in the IR spectrum. Light with this frequency gets readily absorbed by vibrational excitation of molecules. But one has to keep in mind that intensity of absorption between different molecules and even between different vibration in one molecule differs a lot. This can not be explained with mass, or just vibration itself you actually have to look at <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transition_dipole_moment> or <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selection_rule>
But just believe me for a moment, methane is actually **very bad** at absorbing infrared light. Especially its by far worse than Water or $CO\_2$.
But then there is another effect. You can not absorb more light than there actually is. So if you practically absorb 100% of the light for a given frequency then there is no effect in increasing the concentration of the molecule absorbing this frequency.
Both water and $CO\_2$ absorb with nearly 100% in their frequency range (compare fig. 1 which shows the IR absorption of the atmosphere).
So in order to absorb more light you have to absorb in other frequency ranges.
This is where methane gets its role. If you look at figure 2 and keep in mind to change the wavenumber into wavelengths you will see that it absorbs in a frequency range that is covered neither by water nor by $CO\_2$.
Yeah I found answer
It is because methane is able to absorb the infrared radiation that pass through carbon dioxide, which causes the molecule to vibrate and generate heat
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Definition of current density
In [David Tong's lectures on Electromagnetism](http://www.damtp.cam.ac.uk/user/tong/em/electro.pdf), the current density is defined as $\vec J=q\rho \vec v$, where $\rho$ is the density of particles with charge $q$, and $\vec v$ is the average velocity. This should be the **area** density, and not the **volume** density right? It seems that Tong is assuming that this is the volume density of charges.
The equation is correct except that usually it is written $\vec J=\rho \vec v$ where $\rho$ is the charge density instead of the number density. So I will use the standard expression.
The SI units of $\rho$ are $\text{C}/\text{m}^3$ which looks like it will give a volume density. But the units of $\vec v$ are $\text{m}/\text{s}$ so the overall units of $\vec J$ are $\text{C}/\text{m}^2\text{s}$. Thus, the formula indeed gives an area density, meaning the current density integrated over an area gives the current flowing across that area.
The current density is defined by the current per unit area. If you multiply by the area (being crossed) you get the total current. In this case if you multiply the charge density by velocity (distance / time), you get the charge which will cross the unit of area in a unit of time.
| stackexchange/physics |
they are the major causes for enormous morbidity and mortality in all parts of the world , although developing countries are carrying the major part of the burden .
in addition to the usual infectious diseases , incidences of nosocomial and opportunistic infections have risen dramatically .
the number of infections caused by new , reemerging , or drug resistant pathogens is growing day by day , and the increased proportion of hospitalized patients with immunodeficiency has resulted in an increase of severe and invasive infections . in order to fill such gaps , new antimicrobial agents are urgently needed .
plant - derived drugs remain an important resource , especially in developing countries , to combat serious diseases .
approximately 6080% of the world 's population still relies on traditional medicines for the treatment of common illnesses [ 3 , 4 ] . in ethiopia , not only
do traditional remedies represent part of the struggle of the people to fulfill their essential drug needs but also they are integral components of the cultural beliefs .
the essential oil from leaves of thymus schimperi possesses anthelmintic , antibacterial , and antifungal activity ; eucalyptus globulus leaves oil can boost the immune system and is helpful in cases of chicken pox , colds , flu , measles , and infectious diseases [ 8 , 9 ] ; matricaria chamomilla flower oil is good for skin care , acne , allergies , boils , burns , eczema , inflamed skin conditions , and wounds and used for infection [ 10 , 11 ] ; rosmarinus officinalis leaves oil possesses antitumor and anti - inflammatory actions and antimicrobial activity [ 12 , 13 ] . in ankober , northern ethiopia medicinal plants have been used as traditional medicine to treat different human and livestock ailments by the local people from time immemorial .
however , there is no study on the in vitro as well as in vivo antimicrobial activity of thymus schimperi , matricaria chamomilla , eucalyptus globulus , and rosmarinus officinalis against common microbes .
therefore , this study focuses on in vitro antimicrobial activity of essential oil of thymus schimperi , matricaria chamomilla , eucalyptus globulus , and rosmarinus officinalis against selected strains of bacteria and fungi .
the following chemicals , solvents , and drugs were used : mueller - hinton agar , nutrient broth , macconkey agar , nutrient agar , methanol , sterile borer , disk diffusion inhibitor zone reading ruler , gentamicin , chloramphenicol , dimethyl sulfoxide , desiccators , sabouraud dextrose agar ( sda ) , potato dextrose agar ( pda ) , glove , 96% ethanol , liquid soap , and sodium sulphate .
the bacterial test microorganisms used in this investigation were salmonella typhi , salmonella paratyphi , salmonella typhimurium , shigella species , pseudomonas aeruginosa , staphylococcus aureus , and escherichia coli and four fungi ( two trichophyton spp . and two aspergillus spp . ) , which were donated by the ethiopian public health institute ( ephi ) .
the fresh leaves of rosmarinus officinalis ( rosemary ) , eucalyptus globulus , and the matured flower heads of matricaria chamomilla were collected from ankober district and the identity of the plant specimen was confirmed by the national herbarium in addis ababa university , ethiopia .
the fresh leaves of rosmarinus officinalis ( rosemary ) , thymus schimperi , and matured flower head of matricaria chamomilla were dried under shade .
thymus schimperi ( 30 g ) was taken into a 1000 ml round bottomed flask and 400 ml distilled water was added to it and then it was distilled by clevenger - type apparatus for 2 hr .
rosmarinus officinalis ( 30 g ) was taken in to a 1000 ml round bottomed flask and 300 ml distilled water was added to it and then it was distilled by clevenger - type apparatus for about 3 hr to get colorless oil .
matricaria chamomilla ( 30 g ) was taken in to a 1000 ml round bottomed flask and 400 ml distilled water was added to it and then it was distilled by clevenger - type apparatus for 4 hr .
the crude oil obtained was transferred into a separatory funnel and the oil was separated from the upper layer .
the oil was then dried over anhydrous sodium sulphate and stored at 4c before analysis .
the fresh leaves of eucalyptus globulus were completely immersed in 1000 ml round bottomed flask with distilled water and then hydrodistilled in a full glass clevenger - type apparatus to give colorless oil . this process was continued for 3 hr . the oil was allowed to stand for sufficient time , to be clear , and then it was collected carefully after draining out condensed water .
the oil was then dried over anhydrous sodium sulphate and stored at 4c until use .
the bacteria used for the study were prepared by inoculating isolates into nutrient broth and incubated at 37c for 24 hr .
fungal strains used for the study were prepared by inoculating isolates into sda / pda and incubated at 30c .
mueller - hinton agar for bacteria , sda for trichophyton spp . , and pda for aspergillus spp .
about 2025 ml of molten medium cooled to 45c and was added to presterilized plates ( 150 mm in size ) . after these 1624-hour - old cultures of bacterial species , 48-hour - old cultures of aspergillus spp . and 7-day - old cultures of trichophyton spp .
were spread using a sterile cotton swab and each microbe evenly spread over the entire surface of agar plate to obtain a uniform plate surface growth .
about 3 - 4 wells in each plate of 6 mm diameter and 5 mm depth were punched in agar surface with the help of a sterilized borer for placing the extracted oil samples .
about 50 l of the undiluted essential oil of each plant was dispensed into respective wells and 10 mcg gentamicin was used as a positive control .
the plates were then left at room temperature for 30 minutes and then incubated at 30c for 7 days for trichophyton spp .
and plates with aspergillus for 48 hours and plates with bacteria were incubated for 24 hours at 37c . after incubation , the zones of inhibition were measured using a ruler and the results reported in millimeters ( mm ) .
all the tests were run in triplicate and the average result was taken [ 15 , 16 ] .
the mic was evaluated on plant extracts that showed antimicrobial activity in the agar well diffusion assay on any organism .
this test was performed at five concentrations of each extract ( 250 mg / ml , 125 mg / ml , 62.5 mg / ml , 31.25 mg / ml , and 15.75 mg / ml ) employing doubling serial dilutions of plant extracts in nutrient broth up to the fifth dilution . overnight incubated suspension of each organism in nutrient broth was prepared and 50 l was added to all the test tubes and preparations were incubated at 37c for 24 hours .
after incubation , using a sterile cotton swab , suspension of each tube was inoculated on nutrient agar to see if bacterial growth was inhibited or not .
growth of bacteria on solid media indicated that a particular concentration of extract was unable to inhibit the bacteria .
the mic was defined as the lowest concentration of an antimicrobial that inhibited the visible growth of a microorganism after overnight incubation .
all the measurements were replicated three times for each assay and the results are presented as mean sd .
the main constituents of the essential oil of the tested four plants identified by gc / ms are presented in table 1 according to their percentage composition .
the essential oils tested exhibited different degrees of antibacterial activity against tested bacterial pathogens except matricaria chamomilla essential oil , which failed to inhibit growth of the tested bacterial pathogens ( figure 1 ) . overall essential oil of t. schimperi , e. globulus , and r. officinalis showed comparable inhibition of growth of the bacteria .
t. schimperi exhibited almost the highest activity against all the tested bacteria measured in the range of 1233 mm as shown in ( table 2 ) .
t. schimperi has shown the greatest inhibition zone diameter of 33 mm against s. epidermidis .
the oils of e. globulus exhibited significant antibacterial activity as observed by its inhibition zone of 1032 mm .
the oils of r. officinalis also inhibited the growth of the tested bacteria and its zone of inhibition was 632 mm .
as to the standard drugs used in the test , the inhibition zone for gentamicin was 1821 mm .
as shown in table 3 , all the oils tested exhibited different degrees of antifungal activity against two trichophyton spp .
tested , the maximum antimycotic activity was shown by t. schimperi that inhibit the growth of all tested fungi .
trichophyton spp1 was inhibited by both e. globulus and r. officinalis with zones of inhibition of 27.3 and 28.6 mm , respectively .
the oils of e. globulus and r. officinalis exhibited moderate activity against aspergillus spp . on the other hand , m. chamomilla did not inhibit the growth of all tested fungi .
as indicted in table 3 , t. schimperi inhibited the growth of all tested fungi at a concentration lower than 15.75 mg / ml . mic of essential oil of t. schimperi , e. globulus , and r. officinalis is presented in table 4 . since matricaria chamomilla essential oil failed to inhibit the growth of tested bacterial pathogens , mic determination assay was not conducted . on the basis of the results obtained , t. schimperi revealed remarkable antibacterial effect .
t. schimperi essential oil inhibited the growth of almost all of tested bacteria at concentration lower than 15.75 mg / ml . however , it needs higher concentration ( 23.25 mg / ml ) to inhibit growth of p. aeruginosa . on the other hand , as can be noted from table 4 , e. globulus essential oils inhibited growth of tested bacteria in concentrations 15.7531.25 mg / ml .
r. officinalis was not as effective as others ; it exhibited less antibacterial activity for tested bacteria with mic values ranges 15.7536.33 mg / ml . the lowest concentration of the r. officinalis essential oil at which s. epidermidis was unable to grow was found to be < 15.75 mg / ml which makes it as effective as t. schimperi .
infectious diseases represent a continuous and increasing threat to human health and welfare . infectious diseases of bacterial origin , such as s. aureus , salmonella spp . , and shigella spp .
, constitute the major causes of morbidity and/or mortality in developing countries like ethiopia [ 1 , 17 ] .
mycotic infection is also a common disease in developing countries . although there are various drugs for treating infectious disease , microorganisms develop resistance for most conventional drug therapies . therefore , there is need for new cost - effective therapies with better efficacy .
today , a substantial number of drugs are developed from plants which are active against a number of diseases . in this study
, the antimicrobial effect of essential oils from four plants , t. schimperi , e. globulus , r. officinalis , and m. chamomilla , was tested against bacteria and fungi .
the results in the present study indicate that essential oils extracted by hydrodistillation applied with the same concentration have variable antimicrobial effect against s. aureus , s. pyogenes , s. typhi , s. epidermidis , e. coli , shigella spp .
, p. aeruginosa , two trichophyton spp1 , and two aspergillus spp . in vitro . among the four plants ,
thymus schimperi which is endemic to ethiopia was overall effective against all the test organisms .
one of the models used to study the in vitro antimicrobial activity of plant extract is measuring of the inhibition zone .
the results of this study showed inhibition of the growth of tested bacteria and fungi as it was noticed by measuring inhibition zone .
thymus schimperi caused higher inhibition zone with the range of 12 mm33 mm against bacteria .
the essential oil of this plant was found to be the most active against all the bacteria used in this study .
similarly , t. schimperi also has been found to exhibit an overall superiority in its antifungal activity compared to other plant extracts .
it is most probably due to thymol , which is the main constituents of the essential oil and which is the compound found to have the widest spectrum of activity against several bacterial and fungal strains .
moreover , carvacrol which exhibits fungicidal , insecticidal , antimicrobial activities and anticarcinogenic and antitumor activities is the main constituent of this oil ( table 1 ) .
therefore , these two components could be responsible for strong antimicrobial activity of thymus schimperi .
the result of this study is found to be comparable to other findings which revealed the various inhibitory effect of this oil against staphylococcus aureus , pseudomonas aeruginosa , and escherichia coli . in this study the essential oil extracted from e. globulus leaf demonstrated strong antibacterial activity .
these results are in line with the report by bachir and benali , which showed the extracts from e. globulus possess antibacterial activity against e. coli and s. aureus .
the antibacterial activity observed in this study could be attributed to -pinene and 1,8-cineole components present in the oil .
however , another study by damjanovi - vratnica et al . showed the antibacterial activity of essential oil of e. globulus against tested bacterial strain is higher than antibacterial activity of the present study .
the possible reason for observed difference between these two studies could be due to the greater content of 1,8-cineole ( 85.82% ) , which is responsible for antimicrobial activity .
the percentage composition of 1,8-cineole content of the present study is 63.00% which was less than the range reported by british pharmacopoeia .
the oil exhibited moderate activity against the fungus which is lesser than the expected value .
it is probably due to the less amount of 1,8-cineole in the eucalyptus essential oil already known as the component that inhibits the growth of fungi .
this finding agrees with the studies done in other places [ 22 , 23 ] .
the major components of this oil , -pinene , have been known to exhibit antimicrobial activity against the bacterial strains ( staphylococcus aureus , staphylococcus epidermidis , pseudomonas aeruginosa , shigella flexneri , klebsiella pneumoniae , salmonella typhi , serratia marcescens , and e. coli ) .
the bridged bicyclic monoterpenes -pinene and -pinene showed considerable biological activity . on the other hand , enantiomers of -pinene , -pinene , limonene , and linalool
the antimicrobial activity revealed that these leaves had similarity to those of other r. officinalis essential oils analyzed by derwich et al .
other study revealed the 1.8-cineole , which has been known to exhibit antimicrobial activity against the bacterial strains ( escherichia coli , pseudomonas aeruginosa , staphylococcus typhi , staphylococcus aureus , staphylococcus intermedius , and bacillus subtilis ) [ 22 , 24 ] . the oil revealed moderate activity against the fungus .
the cineole containing more than 49% of 1,8-cineole showed the highest antifungal activity . on the other hand , flower of m. chamomilla essential oil did not show any antibacterial activity at the test concentrations , unlike other essential oils which exhibit antibacterial activity with same concentration .
the activity profile of m. chamomilla essential oil observed did not agree with previously reported study [ 26 , 27 ] on this plant which provided antibacterial activity against different bacteria .
other published data revealed that the antimicrobial activity of the essential oil of m. chamomilla is apparently related to its -pinene , camphene , sabinene , 1,8-cineole , bisabolol oxide , and -bisabolol components .
the reason for lack of antibacterial activity of m. chamomilla could be associated with less amount of active component especial -bisabolol ( 4.139% ) which is very low as compared with other published data ( 56.86% ) .
seasonal variation and altitude could be responsible for variability in the amount of secondary metabolites of the plant .
similarly , flower of m. chamomilla essential oil did not show any antifungal activity at the test concentrations .
selected compounds of the m. chamomilla flower essential oil including -bisabolol , spiroethers , chamazulene , and umbelliferone have been reported to have antifungal activities [ 27 , 28 ] .
the possible mechanism of action of fungal growth inhibition by plant essential oils , probably associated with corresponding morphological alterations in hyphal compartments , may be a consequence of interactions between essential oil components and enzymes involved in cell wall synthesis , which affects fungal growth and morphogenesis .
published data indicated that -bisabolol from m. chamomilla may inhibit fungal growth via specific inhibition of ergosterol biosynthesis .
as stated above in the present work , the content of -bisabolol was recognized less as compared with other reported data .
so the lack of antifungal activity of m. chamomilla essential oil against tested fungal may be justified by the less amount of this important component .
determination of mic value further showed antibacterial activity of essential oil of t. schimperi , e. globulus , and r. officinalis .
the mic was defined as the lowest concentration of antimicrobial that inhibited the visible growth of a microorganism after overnight incubation .
mic values did not exhibit substantial variations when compared to the trend of inhibition shown with the plate diffusion method .
generally , larger inhibition zone values correlated with lower mic . among the plants studied , the t. schimperi oil has been found to exhibit an overall superiority in its antimicrobial activity compared to other plants as it was evidenced by its lower mic value .
this study also showed that t. schimperi can inhibit all tested fungi with very low concentration .
overall , it is not surprising that there are differences in antimicrobial activities of these four plant groups due to the variations in type and/or amount of phytochemical constituents present in them .
there is difference between data generated from this study as compared with other reported data .
this might be explained by the differences in susceptibility testing conditions , method of extraction , species differences , and even strain to strain differences .
this study highlighted the antimicrobial activity of the essential oil of e. globulus , m. chamomilla , t. schimperi , and r. officinalis .
the results indicated that t. schimperi have shown strong antimicrobial activity which could be potential candidates for preparation of antimicrobial drug preparation .
though , the antimicrobial activities of the r. officinalis and e. globulus oils are less effective than the t. schimperi oils , their antimicrobial activities are not regarded as useless . however , the m. chamomilla oil failed to show any antimicrobial activity . | pubmed |
statins are the cornerstone of pharmacotherapy for dyslipidemia , and their efficacy in both primary and secondary prevention of atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease is well established.1 there are , however , unfavourable side effects to statin therapy , sometimes leading to statin intolerance with muscular symptoms , which are the most common and of critical importance.2 statinassociated muscle symptoms ( sams ) comprise a diverse spectrum and encompass heterogeneous clinical presentations.3 , 4 these presentations include : ( i ) mild forms of muscle weakness and aching , with the prevalence of even up to 29% ; ( ii ) other forms of myopathy and myositis accompanied by the rise of creatine kinase ( ck)5 to more than 10 times the upper limit of normal , with the prevalence about 1/10 000 to 1/1000 of the consuming population per year6 ; and ( iii ) lifethreatening rhabdomyolysis , which is fortunately very rare.5 from this point of view , sams are one of the major reasons for drug nonadherence and discontinuation in even 75% of the statin users during the first 2 years of treatment.7 , 8 nonetheless , the diagnosis of sams is not simple because the symptoms are subjective and difficult to be judged , and also there is no gold standard diagnostic test currently available.9 additionally , in a relatively large percentage of patients on statin therapy we might observe the socalled nocebo effect , when the patients expect to have statinassociated symptoms , what might be excluded after careful interview and physical examination in selected cases.10 finally , a relevant 22% of patients reporting statinassociated symptoms do not confirm their persistence after statin rechallenge , whereas up to 7% of patients still report adverse effects after placebo administration.11 an overview of the scientific knowledge on the pathophysiology of sams , as well as guidance for clinicians on their management , has been recently issued.3 , 4 occurrence of sams is dependent on the potency , metabolism , and dose of different statins , and their interactions with other drugs.12 , 13 furthermore , patients ' demographics , such as age , gender , comorbidities ( e.g. diabetes , hiv infection , severe renal failure , hypothyroidism , hepatic dysfunction , and undergoing surgery ) , genetic susceptibility , and race , have been proposed as other predisposing factors for sams.13 , 14 , 15 , 16 , 17 several pathophysiologic mechanisms have been suggested to underlie sams . among these mechanisms ,
mitochondrial dysfunction has gained widespread attention as the main player in the etiopathogenesis of sams .
a number of studies have indicated that physical exercise can lead to disturbances in mitochondrial function in patients on statins.18 analyses of muscle biopsies taken from patients with sams and normal ck levels have revealed mitochondrial dysfunction in muscle fibres.19 , 20 on the other hand , histological findings of patients with sams and abnormally high ck levels showed no abnormalities in the configuration of muscle fibres.21 in addition , mitochondrial damage by statins appears to be drug specific as muscle biopsies taken from patients treated with simvastatin 80 mg daily or atorvastatin 40 mg daily for 8 weeks showed a decline in the number of mitochondrial dna duplicates in the simvastatintreated group but not in the atorvastatintreated group.22
in spite of its clinical importance , pharmacotherapy options for patients with sams are very limited .
there is evidence showing that low vitamin d levels are associated with myalgia in patients on statin therapy23 ; in addition , a role for vitamin d supplementation in resolving sams has been proposed.24 also , statininduced depletion in coenzymeq10 ( coq10)25 has been suggested as a causal mechanism for sams18 , 26 and prompted several investigations on the therapeutic role of coq10 .
27 , 28 , 29 , 30 however , contrariwise , the results of randomized controlled trials ( rcts ) have been highly ambiguous , and a recent metaanalysis concluded that treatment with coq10 does not play a significant role in lessening sams.31
curcumin is a natural dietary polyphenol , extracted from curcuma longa l. , which has been extensively studied for the treatment of various diseases owing to its numerous pharmacological properties32 including , but not limited to , antioxidant,33 antiinflammatory,34 , 35 , 36 , 37 , 38 immunomodulatory,39 anticancer,40 antipruritic,41 antidepressant,42 , 43 and antiarthritic44 effects .
excessive physical pressure on skeletal muscles triggers an inflammatory cascade and rise in reactive oxygen species , which are all boosted up via nuclear factor kappab ( nfb ) pathway.45 , 46 , 47 activation of the inflammatory pathway results in delayed onset muscle soreness ( doms).48 one of the documented properties of curcumin , according to studies carried out in both humans and animals , is that it can prevent and reduce doms , which happens after unusual forceful exercise.49 , 50 , 51 , 52 in a proofofconcept study in c57bl/6 male mice ( 46 weeks old ) with freeze injury in their masseter muscles , intraperitoneal injection of 20 g / kg curcumin for 10 days caused regeneration of muscle fibres whereas the control group showed no signs of forming rejuvenated muscle fibres.53 the efficacy of curcumin in diminishing doms has also been verified in humans , and attributed to the blockade of the nfb inflammatory pathway,54 , 55 which consequently lowers the level of inflammatory cytokines such as interleukin 6 and tumour necrosis factor.56 , 57 a study by nicol et al
. showed that oral use of curcumin ( 2.5 g twice daily ) for 5 days can alleviate doms symptoms and heal muscular injuries in humans.58 nfb is also involved in skeletal muscle atrophy during catabolism.59 therefore , inhibition of the nfb pathway by curcumin , which is a wellestablished effect of this phytochemical,54 , 55 could justify the potential benefit of curcumin supplementation to attenuate muscular atrophy in catabolic conditions.60 moreover , curcumin can compensate for traumatized muscle fibres owing to its inflammatory suppressive features.61
notably , the analgesic effect of curcumin has been shown in several rcts and in different painful conditions including osteoarthritis,44 rheumatoid arthritis,62 fibromyalgia,63 gout,63 burning,64 and postsurgical state.65 findings of a recent systematic review and metaanalysis of these rcts implied a significant painrelieving effect of curcumin that appeared to be independent of dose and duration of supplementation with this phytochemical.66 trials in osteoarthritis have shown that addition of curcumin to the treatment regimen leads to either reduction or discontinuation of the use of analgesics such as nonsteroidal antiinflammatory drugs.67 the analgesic effects of curcumin , which can be favourable for the management of statininduced myalgia , are thought to be because of the inhibition of cyclooxygenase2 and prostaglandin e2 , stimulation of cortisol release , and enhancement of substance p depletion from nerve endings.68 , 69
as mentioned above , mitochondrial dysfunction has been suggested to play a key role in the development of sams .
mitochondrial activities are subject to oxidative stress70 , 71 , 72 and are related to nuclear factor erythroid2related factor 2,73 , 74 , 75 which acts as one of the key regulators of biological antioxidant defence.76 curcumin is a strong antioxidant that is known to counterbalance oxidative stress through several mechanisms including scavenging free radicals , chelating the metal ions , upregulation of antioxidant enzymes , and enhancement of nuclear factor erythroid2related factor 2 pathway.77 , 78 the latter is a chief pathway through which many of the antioxidant enzymes such as superoxide dismutase , catalase , glutathione reductase , and glutathione peroxidase are upregulated.79
it is known that cyclic adenosine monophosphate is dynamically involved in muscle development , adaptation , and regeneration,80 and among different types of polyphenols , curcumin is known to be one of the most effectual ones in increasing the level of cyclic adenosine monophosphate.81 , 82 significant improvement in muscular atrophy in c57bl/6 mice suffering from streptozotocininduced diabetes has been reported following supplementation with curcumin ( 1500 mg / kg / day ) for a period of two weeks.83 in another experimental study on old c57bl/6 mice ( 24 months ) , although curcumin supplementation ( 5% of diet ) for a period of 21 days did not change mitochondrial biogenesis adaptations in muscles , it reduced mitochondrial apoptotic proteins compared with the control group.84 while the abovementioned findings are encouraging , more studies are still needed to be carried out in order to clarify the impact of curcumin supplementation on mitochondrial biogenesis and function in skeletal muscle fibres.85
curcumin supplementation is not only believed to attenuate sams , but also may enhance the lipidmodifying properties of statins , and thus reduce the need for statin dose escalation ( and in the consequence might allow statin dose reduction without significant risk increase ) , which is itself a contributing factor to myalgia and myopathies.86 several lines of experimental and clinical evidence have shown that curcumin can improve lipid profile by decreasing serum levels of ldlc ( by 1520 mg / dl ) , total cholesterol ( by about 10 mg / dl ) , and triglycerides ( even by over 60 mg / dl in patients with metabolic syndrome).87 , 88 , 89 at the molecular level , these lipidregulating effects have been well characterized .
curcumin can downregulate 3hydroxy3methylglutarylcoenzyme a reductase , sterol regulatory elementbinding protein1 , fatty acid synthase , and apolipoprotein b100 , and enhance the expression and/or activity of ldl receptor , peroxisome proliferatoractivated receptor , and ampactivated protein kinase as key targets involved in the regulation of lipid homeostasis.88 , 90 , 91 among the lipidmodifying effects of curcumin , triglyceridelowering activity is of particular importance as statin therapy has moderate effect in correcting hypertriglyceridemia , and hypertriglyceridemia in statintreated subjects has been suggested as an important cause of residual cardiovascular risk despite attainment of therapeutic ldl goals.92
last , but not the least notable advantage of curcumin is its safety .
numerous trials have shown that curcumin is well tolerated and does not cause any serious sideeffects even at high doses.93 , 94 however , the safety at highdose still needs to be affirmed in longterm uses,87 as well as its safety in combination with statins ( table 1 ) .
in conclusion , enhancement of mitochondrial biogenesis and function , along with analgesic , antiinflammatory , antioxidant , and lipidmodifying properties jointly supports the potential benefit of curcumin supplementation as an adjunct to statin therapy in patients with sams , as well as in the individuals with a residual cardiovascular risk . because accumulating clinical data has supported the safety of this polyphenol ,
proofofconcept rcts are recommended to unlock the potential of curcumin as a preventive and/or therapeutic strategy for sams . | pubmed |
Sons of Anarchy 1. Chapter 1
**Let's try something different … It feels as if I am starting something well out of my league and I haven't got the 'feel' for this story yet. Still I like to explore where this goes and feedback is very much appreciated. The story is about Carmen Bachman, daughter of 'The Cleaner' (played by Stephen King) to whom we were first introduced to in S3. To give you a fair warning, I am currently working two jobs and handling family issues so I am pressed for time, so updates will come as they do. **
Richard Bachman thoroughly enjoyed the rare moments he spend with his daughter. This night was one that could go in the books as a one to remember. He hadn't expected her when she showed up unannounced with a bottle of red wine under her arm and a box of chicken wings dangling in a plastic bag from the other. His thin lips formed into a smile, only his daughter would pick a rich, classy, not to mention expensive, full bodied Bordeaux to accompany a sleazy dinner consisting only out of chicken wings and chili sauce. A barbaric combination in his opinion, but so suitable to what was his daughter.
He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. She was attacking the meat covered bone, tearing the meat of with her teeth as if she was a predator feasting on its latest kill. Once she had undone the bone of the meat she caught him watching her and shrugged before disposing the remains of the chicken wing in the fire pit that was burning in front of them. The flames dancing in the darkness of the night, creating the most sinister shadows and reflections.
He leaned back and allowed himself to be swept away by the sounds of _in the hall of the mountain king_. He had a passion for classical music, a love she shared with him. He didn't know many thirty-five year olds that would refer to the classical masterpieces as _kick ass-ical. _She was weird, awkward to say the least but definitely controversial, still he was a proud father.
As a child she worried him tremendously the way she was void and detached from life and all things living. He remembered when he asked her what she wanted to be when she was older. He wished for answers like _animal doctor, nurse _or _superhero_. Instead she would look at him and roll he eyes as if he was asking her the dumbest question ever. With determination in her voice she informed him at the age of eight that when she was older she wanted to become _dead_.
For years he had blamed himself for his daughters' disturbances, she was brought up without the love of a mother. He tried to keep her mother in their lives, but she just didn't want to understand how much he loved her. It frustrated him beyond believe causing for their relationship to be on both ends of the scales. Incredibly violent at the one end and sensually loving at the other. Unhealthy as it may have been their relationship had been balanced, unhealthy but balanced. It wasn't until Carmen was born that their marriage had gone from bad to worse, his wife got caught in this symbiotic relationship with the child. It took him a few years to see it, recognize it and to understand it, but his wife didn't exist as a separate human being next to the child. She pulled Carmen into her own chaotic inner world and Carmen couldn't separate herself from her mother to grow into an independent individual. Bachman had taken matters into his own hands when Carmen didn't get room to exist and had become hollow and empty, just a shell without contents. He had feared he had been too late, she had always seemed void and detached from life, incapable of loving and being loved. He wasn't really helpful either, it takes a certain person with a certain personality to do the job he does.
He always thought that honesty was the best way forward, children know more than adults give them credit for and with his profession he didn't want her mind to fill in the blanks. So at an early age he told her that he was a _cleaner. _When _'Eek'_ the cat died he had shown her what his work entailed. Together they had watched as the flesh bubbled and burned off the bones in the bucket with acid and she had been intrigued with how easily the body had dissolved.
When she was twenty she had been engaged to a guy, he never thought he was right for her. He didn't _get_her, a father knows these things. He knew she had to go through life's experiences to become what he always wanted, a strong independent individual with a heart. He watched as his daughter tried to be someone she was not. She started to wear colorful clothes and dedicated her life to being a domestic homemaker. It pained him to see how she sold herself short and centered her life around her fiancé, but he had faith that one day she would stand up and chose her own path. A couple of years later she had come home telling him that her fiancé was gone. He had asked her when he would come back but one look at her face had made him regret ever asking that question.
_One dies for another one to be born_, it was his way to justify whatever happened to her former fiancé. After the failed relationship Carmen went back to school, studied as if her life depended on it and became an entrepreneur. She started her own business offering 'crime and trauma scene clean up services', following in her old man's footsteps. She had built a solid business and even employed a few men. She had taken some psychology and sociology courses to develop her emotional side.
>In essence they did the same thing, but he operated in the dark and shady part of the world where she had a legit company, being called after the fire department or police had left the scene. He hardly ever had to deal with people who were suffering or grieving, but she had willed to make a name for herself for being one to clean up a scene and do it fast and respectful so that people would be thankful and grateful for her services. She wanted not only to clean up the mess but clear the way as well so the grieving could begin for those who were left behind without being traumatized any further by being confronted with the horrible sight of where their loved one had left this world.<p>
Bachman took the remote of the stereo and skipped to his favorite opera.
"Dad!" she exclaimed and for a moment he recognized the child in her. "Really?" She sighed as the first sounds of _Carmina Burana_ found their way outside to the porch.
His lips pressed into a thin line with the corners slightly curled upwards when he saw her mumble to the words as if she was praying. _O fortuna, velut luna_ . He loved this opera, he loved the story and he loved his daughter.
The pair listened to the orchestra, refilled their crystal glasses with the royal blood red fluid and enjoyed each other's presence every now and then tossing another chicken bone into the fire.
"You need to talk about it?" Bachman asked after a hour of pleasurable silence between the two of them.
She shook her head. "I just need my dad."
He nodded and didn't press any further. She never was much of a talker, nor was he so he could relate to that. Sometimes it was enough to be around people who were like minded, who understood without asking questions or needing to hear the answers. He outstretched his hand for her to grab it.
Carmen looked at her father and put her hand in his. The warm calloused fingers wrapped themselves protectively around hers. He always had a knack of knowing what she needed. She loved being with her dad, she didn't need to explain herself. Here with her dad, she could be the daughter and let him take care of her.
He rubbed her hand. "I am proud of you Carmen."
She smiled, she knew he was proud of her not only because of her ability to set up a business in a field where only a few dared to go. He was proud of her as a person and it felt so good to hear someone say it out loud. She had worked hard to set up her business and she was handling it fine, but every day she was confronted with the hard truth that life was short and volatile and lately she felt that life was passing her by. She sighed deeply and stared into the flames zoning out, overthinking that cold and empty feeling that had buried itself inside her soul.
"Have the courage to life, anyone can die." Her dad said as he squeezed her hand briefly and with that he hit the nail on the head.
_Another one bites the dust, and another one gone, and another one gone, another one bites the dust. _Bachman let go of his daughters hand and reached into his pocket to dig for his phone and shot his daughter an apologetic smile.
She couldn't help but chuckle unsure if he was apologizing for the interruption of their night together or for choice of ringtone that was blaring through the night. She couldn't hear the full conversation but caught the tail end of it when he came back outside.
"Care to join me on a job?" He asked as he put his phone back in his pocket. "Work side by side with your old man?"
"Painting and carpentry?"
Bachman nodded. _Painting _meant cleaning and scrubbing the scene spotless, _carpentry _was their code for disposing of bodies. His bodies never left in a handmade coffin, nevertheless they still referred to it as _boxing _or _carpeting. _
She got up from the lawn chair and stretched her arms above her head. "You can do the painting, I am dying for some carpentry, they never leave any bodies for me at a crime scene."
"That's my girl." He said with a proud grin.
2. Chapter 2
**I was stunned to see the alerts for this story and the reviews really made me wiggle my tail (if I had one that is). Thank you so much! I hope that this chapter will be just as well received as the first one and I hope you will enjoy the read! **
Tig had returned to the group after he made the phone call to the cleaner. "Bachman will be here in about an hour, said he is bringing an associate since we are experiencing a superfluous amount of bodies."
"Superfluous?" Clay scolded at this Sergeant at Arms, his head slightly tilted and his eyebrows raised. "Is that how you call this … this … whatever this is?" Clay asked, frustration carrying through his voice while waving his hand around at the chaos that surrounded them as if he was swatting a fly.
>"Get on your bike we're rolling out", he barked. "Chibs, Jax come with. Hap, Juice deal with this … <em>superfluous<em> situation."
Chibs put an arm around his brothers' shoulders in a comradely gesture as they made way to their bikes and snorted. "Not the time ta practice new words Tigger."
Her dad was leading the way and she mentally shook her head as she was trailing behind him in her van. As always he asked her to ride with him and as usual she had declined saying she wasn't ready to shake hands with St. Peter. He was sixty-four years of age and yes he didn't care much for appearances and he wasn't looking for acceptance either, still that didn't justify him dressing in a long black leather coat, wearing biker boots and dark jeans, riding a red Hog as if he just walked back into the midlife crisis that he should have stepped out of years ago. His hair was at that length that you could nearly hear it scream for haircut, yet it emphasized the man he was. To her he was her dad and regardless of her age he was tasked with embarrassing her, to society he was the eccentric, slightly misunderstood individual and in the dark depths of the underworld he was known as _the cleaner_.
Carmen felt a hint of excitement in the pit of her stomach as her dad slowed down to continue on a sandy and bumpy road leading them away from the residential area that they drove through. It couldn't be much further, she was feeling giddy to get to work with her father. His job was so similar to hers and yet the circumstances were so different. He was called _before _the emergency services were called to the scene and even though they both mastered the skill to turn back the time by making everything look the same as it did before the events had taken place, that itself was a significant difference. You couldn't even call it a fine line between right and wrong, what her father did made him a criminal and an accomplice in every crime that he had covered up. She chided herself, she didn't want to go there, not tonight, not ever. She loved her father and if he didn't do it, then someone else would. As they say '_it's a dirty job but someone's got to do it'. _
They arrived at what seemed like an abandoned garage type building just outside the outskirts of whatever nameless town they cruised through. There was a dull light coming from behind the big doors that could easily welcome big agricultural vehicles inside. The doors opened upon their arrival and she followed her dad inside the building and watched how two men shut the doors behind them.
>Without giving it a second thought Carmen jumped out of her van. She didn't know if it was her ignorance concerning the unfamiliar situation or the familiarity of it that was custom to arriving at a crime scene in her van knowing that she was about to do something she was good at. Either way, the minute she got out of her van she wished she had paused and had thought it over.<p>
She turned around to shut the door behind her when she saw a gloved hand appear on top of the door and heard another hand find residence against the side of her van with a forceful slam. She felt a dark, prominent presence behind her and slowly turned to see that her moves were blocked by what she could only describe as the devil in disguise.
"Carmen." Bachman saw how Happy had his daughter pinned at the side of her van and it didn't amuse him. He had seen first handed what the club's enforcer was capable of. He had seen the mutilated bodies, tortured into their endings. He had seen the angst and the fear forever captured in the lifeless stares of their eyes caused by the pain that was inflicted before death came upon them.
>No human could be that macabre without feeling some twisted form of enjoyment in doing so and on a professional level he could appreciate the creative, nearly artistic-like antics of the man, but as a father he didn't appreciate the enforcer anywhere near his daughter.<p>
Carmen vaguely registered her father's voice calling out her name and locked eyes with the man standing in front of her. She gently placed her hand against his chest and gave him a slight push. "Excuse me." Her voice was hardly audible still the words were spoken with confidence. Happy let his hand slide of the side of the van forcing her to awkwardly move around him. She didn't think he was being rude, he was merely making his point. He probably didn't expect her to be here and knowing what they were coming to do, she could understand that he wanted to make clear where she stood, where _he _stood. She walked towards her father when she heard the door of her van slam shut with force. She cringed at the sound. _Now that was rude. _"You think that's shut?" She mumbled to herself in protest.
"You want to go and make sure?" She heard a strained and abused voice retort behind her. She hadn't meant for him to hear her and judging by the tone of his voice he wasn't expecting an answer back from her either.
She felt as if he was chasing her, seeing if he could stress her into running and scrambling towards the protection of her dad. '_When a man hurries, the devil smiles'_, she thought to herself and focused on walking at the same pace, not allowing him to throw her off balance. She couldn't deny it that she was happy when she stood next to her father and maybe she even stood a little closer to him than she intended. She noticed the faintest flickering in his eyes telling her that he saw it too and was celebrating his personal victory in succeeding of getting under her skin.
She watched as he shook hands with her father, completely ignoring her now and excluding her from the short conversation. Her dad wasn't much of a talker, but he certainly didn't waste his breath either. Straight to the point and clearly in charge of the situation.
>She gave him one of her best sassy looks as she watched him taking in every inch of her as if he was sizing her up, categorizing and labeling her before sticking her into whatever department that he would seem fit. Just as she decided that he was definitely making her skin crawl they started to move. The one sporting a Mohawk and a friendlier attitude was leading the way, followed by her dad and of course 'Lucifer' was closing the lines behind her causing her to shudder involuntarily.<p>
They walked deeper into the building to what appeared to be an office space of some sorts or maybe it was a storage room. The guy with the Mohawk stopped dead in his tracks with his hand on the door handle nearly causing a pile up collision. "Er … I dunno but it is kind of a mess in there." He said as he directed his eyes to Carmen. Bachman stared at him with a blank expression on his face not understanding what the delay was for. Carmen couldn't help but smile, her father never was able to read between the lines of the spoken word. You either gave him a clear message or you just said nothing at all. "It's okay, really." She offered him an assuring smile that he returned with one of his own before swinging the door open. Her father stepped in first with Carmen hot on his heels. She looked around and the sight in front of her instantly comforted her. This was known territory.
Being a crime and trauma scene cleaner was a strange profession and it could really turn you inside out both physically and mentally. You needed to have a strong stomach to be able to clean after a suicide or murder where the body had been decomposing for a month before it was found. Mentally Carmen had dealt with a fair share of internal and morally conflicts. She found herself waiting by the phone being frustrated that no one had died yet and when that phone finally rang she often was excited and thrilled that someone had finally left this world leaving a mess behind for her to clean up. It takes some serious rationalizing when you become aware of the fact that you are impatiently waiting and praying for someone to die. The sight in front of her would really rake in some serious cash and she instantly wondered how much her dad was collecting for this job when she had a look around.
Happy leaned against the door post while watching Bachman and his associate assessing the damage they, well mainly he and Tig had done in the storage room. Bachman wasn't a stranger to the Sons, they had been using his services on several occasions in the past. He did the job without asking for excessive amounts of cash, he didn't ask questions and never looked the slightest bit interested in whatever story was behind the job that he was called in for. Bachman was the type of guy that came with nothing and left nothing behind after he left.
>His eyes trained on Bachman's associate, <em>Carmen<em>. When Tig had said that Bachman was going to bring an associate he didn't expect said associate to be a woman. Women couldn't and shouldn't be able to stomach the visuals of shear violence. There was nothing attractive about a chick that thought she was hard enough to do a man's job. He didn't understand the drive of those feminist cunts that felt like they had to prove that they were just as good, if not better than the opposite sex. Sooner or later they had to admit their weakness and acknowledge the superiority that men held over them. Women _take care_ and men _take charge_, it's as simple as that.
From the moment Happy had seen her jump out of the van she instantly pissed him off. Maybe it was the adrenaline or endorphin that was still coursing through his body, but she fuelled his aggravation. It didn't help that Carmen was well on her way of proving him wrong, he started counting silently in his head how long it would take for her to start barfing, but at _twenty-three_ he noticed that if anything she started to relax more and more the longer she was inside the room. He looked at Juice who seemed to be intrigued by Bachman's associate and who met his eyes with a questioningly look and mouthed _´What the fuck?´._
>They both watched as Bachman and Carmen took out their notepads and started wandering around the room. Bachman was nodding to himself as if he was visualizing the task at hand and Carmen was lost in her own thoughts chewing on her pen. She poked one of the bodies with the end of it and an unknowledgeable sound escaped her mouth. She wrote something down and was about stick the pen back in her mouth when her face scrunched in disgust realizing just in time where it had been only seconds ago. There was something disarming about the way her nose wrinkled and her desperate attempt to wipe her pen clean on her jeans and Happy felt his foul mood slightly decrease.<p>
"Stay here, see what he needs." Happy said to juice. "I'm outside."
3. Chapter 3
**Again thank you so much for the interest in this story and mega thanks to those who reviewed. Really is amazing. I want to keep the chapters short, trying to focus on the quality rather than the quantity. I am starting to set things up the best way I can to get the ball rolling later on.
>Hope you will enjoy the read and if you have time let me know what you think by leaving a review. <strong>
"Hold up, wait a minute." Tig stood at his favorite spot at the head of the bar and gestured for the prospect to slide another beer in his direction. "You're actually saying there is a _Mrs._Bachman?"
"Don't know about that, but if Bachman is hitting that he is one lucky guy." Juice emphasized his words by following the female curves with his hands.
Tig's brows raised and his eyes shot towards Happy. "Is he for real?"
"Mountain tops, valley below." Happy confirmed his brother's story and knocked back the whiskey that was in front of him. He slammed the glass back on the smooth surface of the clubhouse bar and up nodded the prospect for another refill. He and Juice had only been back for a good fifteen minutes and he was already on his third or fourth glass. It wasn't uncommon for the club's enforcer to knock back a few drinks, but it took him more effort and self-control than usual to hide away the emotions that were hidden behind his thirst.
>The sun was starting to gain in strength as the day announced its arrival and pierced through the half-assed blinded clubhouse windows. Happy glanced at the clock, the day hadn't even begun before it was already wasted and he was bound to follow. He wanted to get drunk and hit the sack.<p>
Tig grabbed both sides of the bar and forcefully bucked his hips against the counter. "Damn, I would have liked that. You know, the whole nailing the maid and all."
"Yep … and bullets go where you point the gun." Juice deadpanned while rolling his eyes and grabbing himself another beer.
Tig frowned with confusion written all over his face and looked at Bobby. "He only just figured that out or something?"
Bobby ignored Tig and watched as Happy killed off the remainder of his drink and made his way towards the dorm rooms.
Richard Bachman looked at the antique pendulum wall clock that was mounted on the wall of his small living area. Time was one thing that he had always been able to count on. It kept the world in motion and pressed lives forward. He silently joined into the steady rhythm. _Tick__ … __tock__...__tick__...__tock.
><em>His eyes were drawn to ornament that graced the top of the beautiful oak hour work, it was the mythological figure of Atlas holding the world on his shoulders. Nowadays people were too busy, too involved and invested in their shallow day to day lives to question or wonder about that what was presented in front of them. Originally Atlas was condemned to carry the heavens to prevent the earth and the skies from their primordial embrace, but who knew?
He listened and heard Carmen turn of the water in the shower and looked up to the ceiling following her footsteps on the floorboards above him. They could go weeks, months and on several occasions they had gone so much as a year without any contact and she wouldn't even cross his mind once. But it was when she was there -with him- that his heart ached from how much he had missed her. Opening his wine cabinet he picked a remarkable _vin__doux__naturel_and filled two glasses with the deep mahogany colored fluid.
When Carmen entered the room she went straight to what she had called the 'naughty drawer' for all her life. Her father was a perfectionist in every way, which also meant that he had the best Swiss dark chocolate. It was hard to beat a quality wine and an equally good chunk of exquisite chocolate to go with it. She sat down in one of the leather recliners and let the wine swirl in her mouth, letting her taste buds experience the intense treatment.
"So are you considering giving me a job dad?" She said with a good natured smile. They both knew this was a one off occasion. Bachman had always successfully managed to keep his daughter out his world. Nevertheless he had really enjoyed being able to see her at work. She was every bit the professional that he knew she was, but she proved to be able to handle it a lot better than he had given her credit for.
"More like the other way around, I am planning my retirement. Maybe in time you can hook up your old man with the odd job here and there."
"You mean you didn't set up a retirement plan?" Carmen mockingly asked her father as she bit of a chunk of the hard chocolate.
"You're eating it."
Carmen fell asleep in the recliner and when a ray of sunlight hit her face Bachman felt like he was ready to die. He had played such a key role in her life and still she turned out so perfect. He sighed, a father's job was never done, nor was his. He took a blanket out of the cupboard under the stairs and carefully draped it over her before heading to his bedroom.
It was 14.34 when Happy looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand next to his bed. He swung his legs out of bed and sat upright for a moment with his feet on the ground. He rubbed his hand over his bald skull and his face while letting out a primal sounding grunt in an attempt to bring himself quicker into world of the wake. He hated it when he slept this long, normally a five hour average was sufficient enough to recharge. He looked at the clock again and tried to work out how many hours he had slept only to find out that his brain wasn't quite there yet. _Fuck __this._He got up and staggered towards the shower. The shower did nothing for him and every movement of his body felt like a real task. If it wasn't for the absence of a major headache he would swear that he was suffering from the mother of all hangovers.
>He lit a cigarette while slowly dressing himself in jeans and a white long-sleeved shirt, digging through the pockets of the jeans that he wore the night before he found a couple of ten's and what not. He threw the jeans on the pile of laundry in the corner, stuck the money in his pocket and left the rest on his nightstand without giving it a second look before shrugging into his cut.<p>
"Coffee Hap?" The prospect took a mug from behind him ready to fill it up for the full patched member.
Yeah he needed coffee, but not the cheap shit that was served in the clubhouse. Without acknowledging the prospect Happy went for the door, putting his sunglasses on before opening it and stepping outside. Happy made a quick scan of the bikes that were lined up and noticed several empty spots, he turned into the direction of the bay doors of the auto repair shop in search of one of his brothers.
"Church at five" Jax called out at him and Happy raised his head only slightly to let Jax know that he had heard him.
That gave him barely two hours to get some food, coffee and wake the hell up. He mounted his bike and put on his gloves, feeling the motor idling obediently underneath him instantly bettered his mood. This was exactly what he needed to wake up. The symbiotic relation between a man and his motorcycle, where a cage is more forgiving of mistakes a motorcycle is not and requires for the man riding it to become one with the machine. Finally leaving the streets of Charming behind, he opened the throttle and zoomed over the highway, weaving in and out of traffic.
On his way back to Charming he felt renewed, having had plenty of coffee and a late breakfast really made him come to life. He didn't feel the urge to fly over the road like he had on the way up to his favorite roadside diner. A white van cruising on the right lane only a couple of cars in front of him drew his attention. It wasn't until he caught himself red-handed for looking inside the vehicle and meeting eyes with the sweaty, overweight, middle aged driver that he thought back at the night before. Where it would have soured him earlier he now was able to laugh at himself when he realized that for a split moment he had thought that it was _the__maid__'__s_ van that he passed only seconds ago. Whatever she had done to rub him the wrong way and to flare up his aggravation the night before, he was passed it now and had left it behind him on the open road.
"There's Hap." Juice shouted from the front of the garage towards the office.
"Close this joint up." Clay ordered and pushed himself off Gemma's desk.
"You heard the boss, get your shit and get the fuck out of here." Tig repeated while herding the mechanics out the door, leaving the couple in the office.
"You go home too momma." Clay's hand slid behind the back of Gemma's head to pull her in for a kiss.
"I finish up the paperwork of today's repo's and then I shoot off." She answered, never one to fail Clay in letting him know that she followed her own agenda.
Clay's grip tightened ever so slightly at her words. "Don't be long."
"I won't baby." Gemma cupped Clay's face with both hands and pressed another kiss on his lips.
Happy sat in his seat at the Redwood table, his legs crossed at the ankles and comfortably leaning back in his chair. As a Nomad he stayed where he was wanted and went where he was needed. He attended meetings at different charters but didn't have a vote. It was something that he missed during his time as a traveling man, not that he was the type who held long plea's at the table to pitch his ideas, but the right to vote gave him a sense of belonging. It made him feel more part of the club when he could voice his opinion with a seemingly simple 'yay' or 'nay'.
Things had been relatively quiet lately in the world of the Sons. Right up until last night's events that was. There had been rumors brewing for a couple of weeks about a street gang cooking and trafficking drugs within or close to the Charming area. Last night was supposed to be nothing more than a serious inquiry and a potential warning that such activities wouldn't be tolerated.
>"Anyone cares to address the major fuck up that went down last night?" Clay looked around the table but no one indicated that they had anything to contribute on the matter. "Shit like that can't happen again." Again no one felt the need to say anything.<p>
Happy felt a smile tug on the corner of his mouth when he looked at Tig. His brother sat next to the President staring into space with blue innocent puppy eyes waiting for the moment to pass. _Innocent __my __ass._They both had gone a little overboard when they had their 'heart to heart' with a suspected dealer. When the bastard wasn't willing hand out any information they had tried to extract it from him quite literally … finger by finger.
>It became clear why the guy didn't want to give anything up. He was waiting for his back up. By the time his cavalry showed up in a stupid but brave attempt to save their unfortunate friend, Clay had rolled in with Jax, Juice and Chibs only minutes before, leaving the horseless cavalry slightly outnumbered. At first it had been quite enjoyable and it had all the signs that it would have ended with a good thumping until one of the dumb fucks decided to pull a gun and aimlessly started shooting. Lesson number one: Never pull a gun when you don't intent to use it in the way that it is made for.<br>Guns came out on both sides and within a minute there was none of them left who could retell that valuable lesson. Still even then things wouldn't have been too bad if it wasn't for the fact that they were still inside Charming borders and transporting and dumping five bodies would seriously involve some advanced logistical skills.
"Heard that Bachman brought his cleaning lady to the scene?"
Happy was pulled out of his thoughts by the mentioning of the cleaning lady.
4. Chapter 4
**Wow, this update took forever to come out. Hope you all are still with me. I worked two jobs the last couple of months. It's funny how your mind and body shut down when you get some time off after pushing yourself too hard. So I spend my holidays coughing and doing something close to nothing. Started this year on evening shifts, but everything should settle down now quickly and hopefully updates start flowing again. Thank you for your interest in this story so far and special thanks to those who reviewed. Really made me happy!**
After the obvious comments and laughs at the expense of Mr. and Mrs. Bachman, the club went back to business.
"Bachman couldn't estimate a price last night before getting to the scene. Told him to throw it up the tab and that I would contact him today to arrange a meet."
Clay nodded at his Sergeant at Arms before turning his attention to the club's treasurer. "Club able to handle it?"
Bobby dropped his glasses down on his nose and glanced through the books in front of him shaking his head from left to right. It looked more as if he was bobbing his head to a good tune than calculating numbers. "It's going to take out a good chunk out of our savings, but we should be able to cover it."
"Should ask for a bulk discount …" Clay spoke to no one in particular but his dismay about last night's events was still evident in the sarcastic tone that laced his voice. "Set up that meeting as soon as you can, bad idea to keep Bachman waiting for his money. Happy go with Tig and the both of you can expect a cut in your pocket money."
"Aaaaw man." Tig started to protest but was quickly silenced when he met Clay's glare. "Anyone else got something to bring to the table?"
"I need a couple of personal days."
Clay frowned and looked at Happy. "Mother?"
Hap shook his head. "Tacoma, want to touch base."
"You can go after the meet with Bachman. Pack light, want you back after a couple of days."
Chairs scraped over the wooden floor as the members were getting up and leaving the chapel after the meeting was adjourned. Walking through the double doors Clay grabbed both Happy and Tig by the neck and roughed them up a little with a fatherly shake before steering his guys to the bar. "Let me get you guys a beer. Prospect …" Clay bellowed through the clubhouse. He smiled widely and raised both hands in the air with the palms up in a very 'Fonzy' manner, confidence bordering cockiness while playing the murdered innocence at the same time. He held his beer up for the others to tap it with theirs. "Happy days."
-=SOA=-
Two days later in the early morning on the parking of a roadside motel in Lodi two bikers pulled up for their meeting with Bachman. Even at this early hour it was clear that it was going to be a warm day in San Joaquin County. Happy leant casually forward on the tank of his bike, legs stretched out to the front with both feet planted firmly on the ground. Tig dismounted his Dyna, rolled his shoulders and yawned lazily before going through his pockets in search of his smokes.
"Bit of an odd place to meet up with Bachman." Happy commented as he leaned over to grab the cigarette that Tig offered him.
"The dude likes his wines apparently." Tig shrugged. "Lodi is the place to be."
Happy raised an eyebrow giving his brother a worrying look. "So I've been told." Tig added for his own personal rescue.
It didn't take long before the distinctive red colored bike of the cleaner came into view. Moments later Bachman came to a halt only inches away from the two bikers. Happy straightened himself and Tig moved around to stand on the other side of Bachman. Instinctively Bachman rolled his bike back so he wouldn't be boxed in between the two outlaws. In response Tig kept a respectful distance between him and the old cleaner and discretely handed Bachman a magnolia colored envelope. "You can check, it's all there, five times regular fee."
Bachman took the envelope and tucked it away in the inside of his black leather coat without even looking at it.
"How's the missus?" Tig asked casually. His unhealthy curiosity combined with the frustration about not having seen the maid who came to clean up the mess for himself made him ask the question against better judgment.
The expression on Bachman's face never changed, his lips still pressed into the same thin line, but his blue eyes stared back at Tig with an intensity that was uncharacteristic for the man. For a moment Tig felt as if he was thrown into one of those old western movies where everything suddenly falls quiet just before the two rivals walk slowly to their separate positions to draw their guns. It felt as if time was dragging on like one long sleepless night, unnerving and surreal.
>Happy coughed and successfully broke the tension between the two men in front of him. "She feeds my obsessive need to clean up after her." The words unmistakably held a warning but Tig sensed something else, something he couldn't quite put his finger on. Like there was a worry that trickled down the words. Without so much of a goodbye Bachman started the engine of his bike and rode off leaving Happy and Tig behind.<p>
"Smooth bro, real smooth." Happy said with a half grin on his face. "Thought he was gonna wack ya right there and then bro."
"Guess I thread on some dangerous grounds there." Tig shook his head a couple of times in disbelieve and laughed. "Fucking hell, I won't be calling him out again anytime soon."
"Where'd you find him anyways?"
"Was a friend or something of Otto 'L'il Killer' Moran back in the day. Ancient story to be fair, no one really talks about it much since he was found head down in a river. My SAA patch came with a little black book, had his number in there." Tig shrugged. "Can't believe the stare he gave me, you seen that? Didn't know he had it in him."
"Right I am off bro, got a good eight hours before I hit up Tacoma."
-=SOA=-
Happy arrived in record time at the clubhouse in Tacoma after slabbing it on the interstate. He could hear the music blaring behind the doors of the building. The door swung open and an obvious drunk couple fell outside, chick giggling -if you can call it that- like a cat in heat and the guy cursing like a sailor.
>Happy shook his head, some things never change and thank fuck for that. He loved Charming, always had even before he got a seat at the Redwood table. He respected Clay like no other but he had a home here with his brothers in Tacoma and every now and then he needed the change of scenery. Pushing through the door of the clubhouse he scanned the crowd looking for the familiar faces. "Hap brother!"<p>
After he was welcomed by his brothers and had finished off the cold one that was forced into his hand Happy made way to one of the vacant rooms in the back of the clubhouse to have a shower and clean the road dust of him. He put on a clean t-shirt before heading back out. It was a relatively quiet evening, but the place had a good buzz.
"What brings you up here bro? Didn't know you were coming our way." Tacoma's Sergeant at Arms asked when he held out a bottle of beer for Happy to accept.
"Missed your ugly mug Koz."
"Aaaw bro, you have such a way with words. Always know how to make me feel special, look what you are doing to me. I get all emotional." Kozik wiped an imaginary tear away from under his eye and sniffed to add a little drama for good measure.
Happy laughed and punched his friend in the chest. "Blow me bitch." It was good to be home.
"Chicks dig guys that aren't afraid to show their emotions…."
"You look more like a fairy that has his balls trapped in his zipper."
"Ouch that hurts bro, real bad. It's raining in my heart." Koz laughed and eyed the petite blonde that walked passed him. "Need some sweet loving to help me get over that and I just found the girl who's gonna make me feel all better." He nodded his head to the side. "If ya looking for some action yourself tonight, I can personally recommend that sweet brunette over there. Chick's highly flexible." He quirked his eyebrows suggestively.
-=SOA=-
Bachman stood in the doorpost watching how his daughter went through the drawers and cupboards of his kitchen like a woman possessed. She took after her mother, quick tempered and slightly dramatic in her ways when things didn't go according to plan. He was thankful that Carmen also inherited some of his trades. Unlike her mother who always seemed to snowball out of control, Carmen was able to defuse whatever mood she was in if that was what the situation required her to do so … but more so if she wanted to.
"Why the hell do you have such a big ass fridge when there is nothing in it?" Carmen snapped at her father when she turned around and kicked the stainless steel door of fridge freezer combination shut with the heel of her foot. She had woken up to the growling sounds of her empty stomach which had sent her straight into a funk. Half her life was orchestrated around crime, death, accidents and the hodgepodge that came with it. She was on call twenty-four seven with no schedule or rhythm. This caused the other half of her life to be driven on primal impulses, needs and instincts like … the sharp hunger pains she was feeling in the pit of her stomach. The fact that she had found nothing fit for consumption didn't contribute positively towards her mood.
>She looked at the blank expression on her father's face as if he was trying to translate her words not quite sure what she wanted to hear. "Never mind," Carmen rolled her eyes secretly thankful for not having found any body parts or Tupperware labeled 'stew'.<p>
"You are hungry." It was more of a conclusion than a question.
She couldn't help but smile and shake her head. Her father seemed rather pleased with himself as if he had just solved one of life's greatest mysteries. "Yes, I am starving … I could eat the hand of a scabby child."
"Ran out of those last week, but there is a diner not far away."
A simple thing like going for a bite to eat with her father has always been like an event on its own. Carmen never looked at her father as odd, they always been on the same wavelength and able to interact in a quite natural manner. However being in public with him made her realize that many people had a different perspective on what was normal to her. She chuckled when she saw her father walk into the diner, with his six foot four frame and biker leathers people had no choice but to notice him. His large strides made his thick, black hair bounce with the movement. He didn't acknowledge anyone inside and probably didn't even see the waitress that attempted to welcome them to show them to their table. He wasn't being rude, well not intentionally anyways, he was just being … him.
>The waitress obviously felt offended judging by her scrunched up face and Carmen offered her an apologetic smile. Carmen dramatically scurried after her father fueling the already judgmental looks her father was earning. She inwardly smiled when she was offered the sympathetic and pitiful glances from the other customers. She could hear the muffled comments and whispers around her about the old man with the poor young girl half his age.<p>
"Thought you were hungry." Richard Bachman said impatiently as he handed her the menu and waved the over. Carmen didn't even have time to see what food was served at the diner so she just settled with a 'whatever he's having' and a diet coke.
"So why are you here anyways?" Bachman asked while stuffing too much food in his mouth. His middle finger went to the bridge of his glasses to push them back up into place.
"Part from seeing my dear old dad you mean?" Bachman nodded and waved his hand impatiently for her to continue, his mouth still working to break up the food in workable pieces.
-=SOA=-
Happy rolled out of bed and took a quick shower before making his way towards the kitchen. "Mornin' brother, didn't see much of you last night. How's Charming treating you?"
Happy poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down next to his former President. "Can't complain." The last thing Happy needed was an early morning chat with Lee. Conversations with Lee always had the tendency to be inquisitive, like the man had nothing better to do than to figure out what went on inside your head. When Happy had heard Lee's voice he contemplated for a brief moment to skip the clubhouse coffee and find some on the road but he respected the man in command too much to make a hasty exit.
Lee studied his former member carefully. "You alright son? You look like you've been running from the devil himself."
_More like herself. _"Nothing I can't handle."
Lee nodded but looked unconvinced and unsatisfied with the answer. "So what are your plans for today?"
"Gonna go to Koz's in a minute, check his place out. "
Lee reached out to grab today's newspaper and grinned. "Koz is nesting, getting ready for that pretty bird that he is bound to land."
"That so?" Happy asked casually while downing half of his coffee in one swallow.
"Positive, the man came a long way Hap. The club is everything but the loving arms of a woman…"
This was exactly one of those directions in which Happy didn't want to go. "Plenty of loving arms around here every night."
"Hot pussy cools down mighty quick." Lee picked up the newspaper and made his way towards one of the tables to sit down and read.
Happy raised his eyebrows surprised that the conversation didn't go any further. He knew better than to think that he came off lightly. He knew that Lee would question his presence in Tacoma any other given time. He downed the remains of his coffee and took his gloves from the bar. "I'll be back later today."
Lee never looked up from his paper but gave an acknowledging wave in his direction to tell him that he had heard.
-=SOA=-
Happy parked his bike outside the small detached house in the middle of a suburban street. He snorted at the white picket fences of the neighboring residents. Maybe Lee was right, maybe Koz was slowing his roll. He shook his head and dismissed the thought instantly. Koz might _want_ to settle down but if so he was just setting himself up for yet another disaster. Happy had seen it before and it never ended well for his brother. He walked up the path towards the front door. "Yo Koz!" He shouted to announce his arrival.
"Livingroom."
Happy walked into the spacious living room but instead of the old sofas and cluttered furniture he was used to, he walked into one of those catalogue approved interior rooms. "Tidied up quite a bit."
"Yeah look at this." Koz pointed at the sixty inch plasma TV that was mounted on the wall. "Waiting for one of those to be delivered for the bedroom."
_Settling down my ass _Happy thought. Koz just needed a place to stack his new gadgets. Happy never cared much for material things, but Koz always wanted to look good and have the latest things.
Koz and Happy were catching up on the latest gossip when Koz's phone rang.
"Yeah I am there … k see ya in a minute." Koz ended the call and tucked his phone away. "Delivery is here."
Happy followed his brother towards the front door as he saw a white van park in front of the house. He knew that van or at least that van reminded him of _her. _Happy clenched his fists for a moment chastising himself mentally for letting _her _invade his thoughts once again. He seriously was developing white van issues. The door of the van swung open and instead of a tall dark haired and fair skinned little devil jumping out, he watched as a bald dude step out of the cabin. Happy sized him up out of habit, the guy was easily his size but heavier build, around his late forties and he had the demeanor of someone that had been around and had seen a thing or two in his life. The sound of a door slamming shut on the other side of the van made Happy look up.
The guy turned around to his companion. "Oi! You think that's shut?"
A low growl escaped from Happy's chest. _The devil on his back. _
**Hope you enjoyed this chapter. If you can spare the time, leave a review please :) **
5. Chapter 5
**I really appreciate the interest in the story, thank you very much. A special thanks to those who left me a review. It's nice to hear back what you think or even just if you enjoyed it or not.
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>"Next time you slam that door … you will know never to that again, capice?"<p>
A skinny kid in his late teens, maybe early twenties came from behind the passenger's side of the van stumbling over his apology. "Sorry Bri."
"You're sorry? Sorry is what you tell your girlfriend when you finish too quick." The older guy said with a low growl in his voice.
Kozik was trying his best not to laugh but failed miserably. Happy watched the scenario play out in front of him and couldn't suppress a laugh himself.
"Can't get the staff these days." The older guy said shaking his head. "He's about as useful as a handbrake on a canoe." He shook hands with Kozik and the two men pulled each other in a quick embrace. He then offered his hand to Happy, "Brian."
The two men got acquainted and followed Kozik into the kitchen for some much needed caffeine leaving the kid on his own to move and install the television. They were engaged in what would class as random guy talk. "You gonna stop by at the clubhouse this Friday?"
"I don't know mate, probably not. Boss is out of state so I am on call until we find someone with a steady stomach." Brian answered while refilling his mug and shrugged. "Asked an old buddy of mine from the slaughter house, said he would think about it."
Kozik explained to Happy that the rough looking man worked for a company offering crime scene and trauma clean up services. Happy liked the bloke in his brother's kitchen, he had some good stories to tell and it had been a long time since he had laughed like he had this morning, so he wrote it off to sheer coincidence that within the last couple of days he had met three crime scene cleaners of which two were driving a white van.
The conversation came to a hold when the kid stood in the door unsure if he could speak up and or not. "Oh Davy." Brian sighed impatiently. "Don't just stand there, grow a pair will ya? I can see your vagina from here."
"Telly is all set up including the surround system and all."
"Good boy, now you have time go to Denny's to get us some breakfast. Bring me a lumberjack slam with a waffle instead of pancakes and an oatmeal breakfast." He looked at Kozik who mouthed 'Oatmeal' and gave him a questioning look. "Don't think I can outlive one more of her health talks. I just can't lie to her, so I figured if she asks now I can say I ordered the oatmeal for breakfast and leave it at that."
The kid nodded his head and looked at Kozik and Happy to hear their orders. Brian gave the kid some of the money that he just got from Kozik as a payment for the TV and handed him the keys to the van.
"When's the boss coming back?" Kozik asked.
"Not too sure mate, things are looking up. We are accepted in a tender process with the big house in Stockton, expecting a one day a week contract to come out of it cleaning the infirmary and the shu. Probably will start off with a trial period for three months, we're just waiting in on the call."
A cold chill rolled over Happy's back. He couldn't think of anyone going there by their own free will.
Brian sighed and moved his big calloused hand over the back of his head and rubbed his face. "Yeah, things are really looking up." The words just didn't sound as convincing as he had meant to. "It won't be the same though, you know what I mean?"
Kozik knew exactly what his friend was saying. Like the club and his brothers were there for him when everyone else had taken their hands off, Brian had been offered a job at a cleaning company when he needed it the most. The young woman had put her faith in him when everyone else had given up. Kozik had only seen her once or twice when he had gone to the office to see Brian and on those occasions she had kept herself to herself but he knew that Brian thought highly of her. If needed he would stop by and check up on her when he was down in Charming. "Don't worry. Let's face it, if you can make it in Tacoma you can make it anywhere."
"True that." Brian said with a laugh.
-=SOA=-
Carmen was absentmindedly spinning the library globe that stood on a small desk in her father's living room. She abruptly stopped its rotating by pointing her finger randomly on a spot before spinning it again.
"That is a real _Willem Janszoon Blaeu_ that you are playing with."
Carmen looked over her shoulder raising an eyebrow. "And?"
"It's antique." Bachman elaborated.
"Right," Carmen rolled her eyes. "A prehistoric Google Earth."
"It's estimated at eighty thousand dollars on auction."
Carmen retracted her finger as if she just got burned. "You're shitting me right?"
"You should learn to value things by what they represent and not by what they appear to be on the surface or what the price tag says."
Richard Bachman opened a bottle of wine and filled two glasses. "You still not told me what you are doing here."
"I know." Carmen twirled the wine in her glass to release the bouquet and sniffed. "Nice."
Bachman sat down in the recliner and gave his daughter a stern look. "Are you in trouble?" He looked at her flat stomach but the line of vision wasn't lost on his daughter.
"Dad? I am not pregnant if that's what you are thinking."
"Then why are you here?"
Carmen sighed. She never was much of a talker and didn't feel like explaining it all. "I'm looking into setting up another office. Oakland, Stockton, Bay area or San Joaquin, don't know yet. Need to reel in a steady flow of work first, get known in the area and set up a network. Just getting my feelers out to decide where I want to land. I have some appointments set with some local PD's and I am waiting for the big house in Stockton to get back to me."
Richard Bachman held his glass up to let the sunlight hit it before judging the color of the wine. With a slight nod of approval to himself he brought the glass to his lips, took a healthy swig and let the liquid roll over his tongue. If Carmen didn't know any better she would think that her father was anything but interested in what she had to tell and she was tempted to leave it at that.
"Pulling teeth is easier than talking to you." He commented on her silence.
"There really isn't much to tell dad, with the new rules and regulations all bodily fluids are considered hazardous, regular cleaners aren't allowed to clean inside the penitentiary without the right permits. I am hoping that I can get a share of the work in Stockton State Prison. I got some recommendations so I have a good chance if I manage to get in. It's a start, I don't mind cleaning the spit from a police vehicle or clean a jail cell if that means they will start calling me in for the crime scenes and road accidents too. If I can get the deal, I will settle down in the area and get in with the morgues, visit the hospitals and such, make sure they know who to contact in cases of attempted suicides and unattended deaths."
"Tacoma not big enough?"
"It's too big really. _Rainbow International_ is my biggest competition, they have expended and are pushing me further down south. They have the majority of Portland, Tacoma and Seattle with a franchising chain. I looked into doing the same or expending but it's not my thing. We are too small to really stay competitive and I am left with the scrapes and left overs."
Richard Bachman nodded. It made sense that his daughter didn't want to expend her business. She was a generous person and had the ability to attract people around her, just like her mother. His wife used to light up a room when she entered and people loved being around her, but Carmen wasn't that fond of the attention and was rather solitary at heart, something that came with his share of the DNA. Her self-sufficiency and independent character didn't make her feel the need to bond to people around her either. "So you are looking for a smaller territory, but big enough for you to be able to focus on just the road accidents, shoot outs and deaths. What about Tacoma?"
"We have redirected the main focus on carpet cleaning, flood and fire damage. Brian loves the grind work involved. He hates the call outs at nights and only did them so we wouldn't vanish of the map completely."
"Any money in that?"
"It's quite lucrative to be honest, we employed a few more people and at the moment we still have more jobs than we can handle."
"That's good." He wouldn't deny it, he was proud of his daughter. "Are there enough funds for you to go MIA?"
Carmen felt the blood rush to her cheeks and knew she was blushing. She and Brian had a heart to heart one night and went over the finances. She didn't like to say it out loud, but if she didn't go crazy and the business stayed like it was, there was enough money on the books to sing it out comfortably.
"_You are responsible for your own happiness chick. Fuck knows what you get out of scraping pieces of skull of the pavements, dealing with blood soaked carpets and the stench of death but I know that's what you like doing. This fire and flood business will keep us comfortably floating and I love doing it. Let me pull the weight for a while."_
_She had smiled at him, she hated the fact to be reliant on him while she ventured out to set up a new business but he had taught her that in a friendship it was give and take. She didn't mind the giving but the taking was something that she wasn't comfortable with. Brian had asked her to let him do this for her, explained to her that he wanted to give back what she had given to him and that it would make him feel better. He worked hard to convince her that she wasn't accepting his help but that she was doing this for him, making him feel good by allowing him to 'help' her. She had told him he was full of shit but agreed anyways. _
"Yeah, I am not saying I can lean back and do whatever the fuck I want but I should stay afloat. We do the inspections for the insurance companies and list the items that are lost or damaged in the floods and fires before we start the clean-up. We dry the properties ourselves and if needed we supervise the construction, carpeting and other stuff that's done by our own contractors. We get a good cut on hiring them for the jobs. We make a little money on the side from the supposedly damaged goods that are written off and make their way back to our warehouse where we sell them off underhandedly."
"That's fraud."
"Technically you are probably right. I prefer to call it the freedom of conducting business and maybe a little naughty." Carmen leaned back in her chair and looked her father straight in the eyes ready to challenge him.
Bachman stared back at his daughter clearly unhappy with the newly inquired knowledge. "You …"
She narrowed her eyes at him and held her hand up not willing to listen to a lecture about work ethics. She knew her father was worried about her but wasn't that the pot calling the kettle black? "Nothing is just black or white dad, you of all people should know what the shades of grey keep covered. I have a good crew up there and Brian is more than capable to oversee the business while I focus on finding myself a spot where I can do crime scenes. I want to do this, I won't be happy doing just fires and floods."
"I .. " He stopped rethinking of what he wanted to say. She was playing with fire being so involved with Police Departments while working with the same insurance companies that she stole from. He didn't care how she called it, it was still fraud and he didn't know what he hated more, his girl scheming or his girl out on the streets at night left to clean up a crime scene. He sighed. "You be careful out there."
Carmen got up and walked to her dad wrapping her arms around his neck and giving him a kiss on his cheek. "And you dad. It's not like you got a nine to five office job either."
**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I know it was a bit Carmen-informative but I hope you still liked it. I just couldn't have her van break down in Charming so she would wind up at Happy's doorstep. Next chapter Happy will come across another 'white van' ;-)**
**Reviews make me smile, so don't be shy!**
6. Chapter 6
**Big thank you to all of you who read the story so far and especially to those who reviewed, you really make me smile! There is a little author's note at the end, so will keep it short. Enjoy!**
Carmen had made herself as comfortable as possible stuffing the pillows behind her back resting against the headboard of her queen-sized bed in the small hotel room in Lodi.
>She felt content that was the best way to describe how she was feeling inside. She wasn't one to overflow with joy or happiness that just wasn't like her. She sucked in a deep breath of air before exhaling, trying to release the tension that she felt in her chest. This feeling of content was something that she hadn't felt for a long time and it was equally as thrilling as it was unnerving.<p>
She had pulled it off, she never doubted her own capabilities but she wasn't overly confident either and she didn't count herself rich until the ink of the signatures underneath the contract was dry and permanent. Stockton State Prison had indeed offered her a one day a week contract with the expected trial period of three months.
>Today had been her second day in the prison and she had successfully battled through the hassle of getting to know her new workplace. She had encountered some of the inmates and she was sure her presence had spread through the compound like a wildfire. The comments and hollers that the men had cried out at her had been downright intimidating but hadn't scare her. They did however put her senses on high alert making the job more mentally straining than physical.<br>The Sheriff had asked her to join him for lunch, he had felt obligated to help her get footing in the area after being initially reluctant of bringing her in and he had set her up with some of his contacts.
Lodi seemed to be a good place to set up camp for the time being. Carmen wanted to explore her options in the city and the area around Stockton. With her laptop on her lap and a little notebook next to her she was trying to gather as much information as she possibly could.
>Looking for characteristics of the area, she smiled when she read about the annual 'Wine and Chocolate - Weekend' coming up in Lodi. About forty wineries in the Lodi appellation would open their doors to welcome visitors to enjoy the delicious local handcrafted wines and decadent chocolates. If she was staying in the area she might as well get out there and make a life for herself, one that consisted out of more than just work. Maybe meet some new people … She shook her head dismissing the thought and entered another query in the Google search engine.<p>
-=SOA=-
Brian was sitting at the bar of the Tacoma clubhouse nursing a beer after he had closed up the office for the day. He had been frequenting the place for roughly two to three years and he got along with most of the patched members and the regular hang arounds. Brian wasn't the type to look for trouble but he never backed down from it either. His size had provoked many men in the past just to see if they could take him on which had landed him in hard concrete prison cells more often than not. Brian felt accepted in the tight knit group of bikers and their regular entourage without being one of them.
"Brian." Kozik walked up to the muscular giant sitting at the bar and placed an arm around his back and clapped his shoulder in a way of a friendly greeting before taking the seat next to him. "How's the business going brother?"
Brian was confused by the question asked but answered none the less. "Can't complain."
"I need a favor."
-=SOA=-
Carmen was brought out of her thoughts by the persistent blaring of her phone. She looked at the caller ID before answering. "mmmhmmm."
"Is that you stuffing your face again? What you having?" She heard a voice thunder through the receiver. Carmen quickly swallowed to empty her mouth before speaking. "I am having green and yellow peppers, mushrooms, tomato, little bit of ham and some bread."
"Sounds healthy enough," Brian responded. "So you are having pizza then eh?"
She grinned and looked at the greasy puddle on the carton delivery box. "You caught me red handed, what did you have?"
Brian dismissed her question. "That's not what I am calling for. Listen, I need a favor."
After bringing each other up to speed with recent events in Tacoma and San Joaquin Valley they said their goodbyes and Carmen went back to her laptop preparing for her meeting the next day with Chief Unser in a modest town called Charming.
The town was relatively crime free, which in itself appealed to Carmen. She didn't need to live in a high crime rated town per se. It would guarantee more crime scenes but then the chances were that things would turn out the same way as they had in Tacoma. Charming had a highly regarded hospital which was always a plus in her line of work and it was located near Interstate 5 which should provide her with the occasional accident or two.
>It was close enough near Stockton, Oakland was only an hour and a half drive away and Lodi was on spitting distance. Yeah, all in all Charming ticked all the boxes of being an A location for setting up a Crime Scene and Trauma Cleaning Company.<p>
-=SOA=-
There was a short knock on the door of the small office before it opened. Carmen and Chief Unser both turned and saw how a uniformed officer poked his head around to the door. His eyes briefly fell on Carmen before he addressed his superior. "A call came in reporting a possible 'one eight seven' at Krauszer's."
Chief Unser's hand ran shakily over his head smoothing back the few thin dark grey hairs on his head. His attention was directed at the officer that still stood waiting in the doorway. "Who do we have out there?"
"Green and Miller responded and are on scene now." The uniform answered.
Carmen watched as Chief Unser got on his feet, the worry evident on his face. She immediately set up straight ready to respond but kept seated and met Chief Unser's eyes. He looked at her and she saw him assess the businesslike attire that she had so carefully put together this morning. "Got a suit in the van." She quickly spoke out.
Chief Unser walked to the door and hunched forward a little when he held the door open for her. Carmen quickly rushed to her feet and went through the door first. "Today is as good as any." He mumbled.
Carmen had to hide her smile, a possible homicide generally was nothing to get cheerful over but for Carmen there was no better way that she could think of to back up her most recent sales pitch.
-=SOA=-
As a secondary responder it was really time consuming to be on a crime scene when the investigations were still on going. The body hadn't even been removed from the scene yet but was still lying lifeless on the concrete pavement in front of Krauszer's. The little convenience store slash Post Office Agency was closed up and the blinds were drawn down. Every so often she saw one of the blinds move and a pair of eyes looking through the window. Carmen had followed Chief Unser right up to the yellow tape that was set up generously around a lifeless body that just didn't seem to be able to stop from bleeding out. 'Definitely no chest wound' Carmen thought to herself. Chest wounds never bled that much because of the lungs sucking the blood in, this looked more like a destructive and fatal head shot. A natural reaction of the body to a failing control room is to send more blood and oxygen towards it in the hopes that it will start telling the rest of the body once again what to do next. In this case, the brain wouldn't be telling anything anymore simply because it was sprawled out on the pavement.
Carmen knew it could easily take up a couple of hours before she finally could come into action. Since there was nothing she could do until everyone cleared the scene she went back to wait inside her van with the air conditioning running softly and the music playing at a considering low volume. Carmen always liked watching people, just by observing their body language you could tell a great deal about them.
>Her eyes followed the Chief, the man had easily reached the State's pension age but didn't look like he was retiring at all even though it might do him good. He appeared a little out of sorts, rubbing his hand over his head and face a lot and shaking it to himself as if he was in deep thoughts.<br>The sound of motorcycles pulling up made her sit up right. When one of the bikers walked up to the crime scene she had a clear view on his patch, blue and white lettering that she couldn't read over this distance but with what she could make out of the center patch it looked familiar.
>Carmen quickly ran through all the MC patches that were stored inside her head and came up with Brian. It was the same colors that one of Brian's biker buddy's was flying in Tacoma. Carmen stared deep in thought and snapped her fingers to trigger her brain to come up with the name.<p>
-=SOA=-
Clay held up the yellow tape as the Chief ducked underneath it. "What is this Wayne?" Clay asked as he shook hands with the old friend of the club.
"It's little Jenny Reeve. Krauszer saw the whole thing, he is pretty shook up about it. Dark car drove passed and opened fire. Girl stood no chance, clean shot in the head."
"Quite a brutal thing in the middle of the day with so people on the streets." Clay spoke matter of factly.
Unser nodded. "Shit like this doesn't happen in Charming Clay." The words were caked with worry but also held a hint of warning and accusation to them.
Clay's blue piercing eyes met Unser's giving off a silent warning to the Police Chief to be more mindful about the tone of his voice before he looked over his shoulder and watched how the coroner prepped the body to be taken away from the crime scene. "It just did."
Several curious people had made their way towards the town's Post Office to come see what was going on. They cluttered in little groups and everyone seemed to know better what happened and who was responsible for the brutal act of violence. Clay looked at them and there was no doubt in his mind that half of the town's 'know it all's' had already decided that the Sons of Anarchy must have been involved.
His eyes landed on the white van parked up in the shadow of some trees on the side of the tiny parking. "Someone's watching."
Unser followed Clay's line of vision. "Clean up. Gift send from heaven, was just talking to her when the call came in."
Clay looked sideways and raised his eyebrows telling Unser without words to keep talking and focused back at the van.
"Stockton Sherriff wanted me to meet her. She wants to set up a business in the area and he wants to help her out. Said that she could take a lot of work out of my hands."
"Doing what?"
"Cleaning up a mess like this." Unser waved over his shoulder to the scene behind them. "With the new rules and all, none of my officers will get their hands dirty on cleaning up trauma scenes and the bloody union backs them up." He went into the front pocket of his uniform and got a little card out before handing it to Clay.
Clay's eyes dropped, it was a business card. _Crime and Trauma Cleanup Services – Tacoma. _A Tacoma address and phone number was printed underneath. He turned the card over and in a neat handwriting it said _Carmen Bachman _with a cellphone number. Clay gave the card back to Unser and walked off into the direction of the van.
"Clay!" Unser shouted after him. "Don't chase her away." _At least not before this blood is cleaned of the pavement._ He added as an afterthought.
-=SOA=-
_Sons of Anarchy. _That was it, the words read loud and clear on the patch of the biker that was coming closer and closer to her van. He walked in a straight line up her driver's door. She offered him a confident smile through the side window regardless the rapid beating of her heart. She wasn't sure why this biker made her feel uncomfortable and guarded.
>She opened the door and jumped from her seat. The man in front of her was about the same age as her father but the years on the road and his no doubt life experience added character to his dominant presence.<br>He held his hand out for her to shake it. A big calloused hand that showed the wear and tear of a hard life. "Clay Morrow."
"Carmen Bachman." She said with a polite bow of her head reading the patches on his cut, _President, First 9, Redwood Original_. This wasn't just a biker like her dad, this was a President of an Outlaw Motorcycle Club.
"Pleasure is al mine, Miss …" Clay paused and gave her a thoughtful once over. "or is it Missus Bachman?" He asked adding a little charm to his question.
"I prefer Carmen if you don't mind Mister Morrow."
"Only if you call me Clay." She nodded again. "The Chief over there tells me you are thinking about setting up a business in the area?"
"I presume he has told you what business I am in?" It was Clay's turn to nod this time. "The Chief is right, I own a business up in Tacoma and I recently traveled down to California to explore my options." She didn't say more than what was minimally required to still be considered polite. Not wanting to be questioned she decided to ask the questions in return. "I heard the victim is a young girl? Do you know her personally?"
"I make it my business to know everyone in this town personally." Clay answered without giving a distinct answer to her question.
Carmen shuddered at his words and prayed that it wasn't too obvious. "I see."
She was sure that she saw a smug grin on Clay's face before he looked straight passed her. "I think it is your time Carmen _Bachman._"
She turned her head and looked over her shoulder to see Chief Unser wave in their direction. "I suppose you are right _Clay._"
**I suppose the bald tattooed biker had no interest as of yet to make his appearance, but he can't stay away any longer. I had to end the chapter here, wouldn't be right otherwise. I am content about the way I got Carmen into Charming, biggest hurdle is jumped now.**
**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, thank you for reading and I love to hear your thoughts. So please take a moment review.**
7. Chapter 7
**FanFinction has been in a funk last week, not letting me login or review but most of all it wouldn't let me upload this chapter but here it is, finally! Big thank you for the reviews on the last chapter and to all of you who are reading my story. Hope it was worth the wait and that you will enjoy!**
It was show time. This was her one chance to fight and kill off all prejudice about a woman in the business and she knew it. It was the same battle that she had fought so many times in the past when she had first started her business. Maneuvering around in a mostly male dominated work environment with mainly male investigators, ambulance drivers, coroners, vehicle recovery truck drivers, she always had to prove herself and work harder than her male competitors in the trade.
>Like the Stockton Sheriff had been reluctant to give her the job and only granted her one day a week -instead of the three days that she had originally bargained for- many men were opinionated about a woman actively working the trade. Even when they didn't have an opinion about it, they sure as hell had something to say about it. It was fine for a woman to do the books or even own a company on paper but when it came to the gore of the job she always had to work hard and stand tall to earn their respect.<p>
Carmen opened the side door of the van and grabbed a onetime use non porous suit. The black skinny jeans and the red high heeled pumps that she had been wearing to meet with Chief Unser weren't made for scrubbing concrete.
>She decided that she didn't need to fully suit up with the high spill boots and all that but she definitely wanted to give off some professionalism. Stepping into the legs of the white coverall she kicked of her heels to change them for the low cut Muck boots that were ever present in the back of her van. She shrugged out of her jacket and tied the sleeves of the one-piece around her waist. The outfit was anything but flattering but working with blood and humanly fluids, safety came before beauty.<p>
"I got it from here." Carmen spoke confidently. "You can stay and view my work if you like and I will be happy to explain to you what I am doing but I can fully understand if you need to be somewhere else. I can give you a call or report back at the station when I am done here, whatever suits you best."
"Is there anything you need?" Chief Unser asked the young woman standing in front of him. She was friendly in a businesslike manner.
Carmen waited a few moments before answering as if she was really thinking. "No thank you. I got all I need in the van however I would appreciate it if you left the barrier tape." She smiled. "It helps to keep curious bystanders at a safe distance."
The Chief nodded with understanding and looked around as if the answer to the question of what to do next would magically appear to him. Carmen looked back at the group of four leather clad bikers that was still lingering at the scene. Her eyes trained on one of them, there was no doubt in her mind that she had seen him before. His appearance was hard to mistake for anyone else.
-=SOA=-
"Shit, that's her." Juice nearly choked out when he had a clear visual on Carmen.
"That's who?"Tig looked up from Juice towards the woman that was standing next to Chief Unser.
"The Bachman chick, you think she recognizes me?"
Chibs couldn't suppress a laugh. "Nah Juicey." He shook his head, the permanent grin on his face curling up even more on cheeks. "I doubt it brother, I am sure the lass knows plenty of men with a haircut like yours."
Clay rolled his eyes at the pair and mounted his bike, sitting down comfortably before lighting his cigar. He watched the burning end of it intently as he rotated the cigar to make sure it burned evenly before drawing a few short puffs to really get it going. His eyes went back to the young lady that now was carrying supplies to the spot where the body of Jenny Reeve had laid.
Juice ran a hand over his shortly cropped Mohawk. "Want me to check her out when we get back?"
Clay turned his head, slightly annoyed that he was brought out of his thoughts. "And find out what? Her shoe size? Favorite color? If Bachman brought her on a job she checks out."
Tig couldn't help but question himself what Bachman had to offer to land a woman nearly half his age. It had to be either money or a big dick perhaps even both. She was definitely a looker even with that ridiculous white jumpsuit on he could still make out the outlines of her well-proportioned body. She didn't look like one of those skinny bitches that bruise and break when they get a little manhandled. She had a healthy amount of meat on her without being fat and he had no problems envisioning his hands cupping that firm little ass of hers.
Clay looked at his Sergeant at Arms and a mischievous grin appeared on his face when he saw Tig holding out his hands in front of him and flexing his fingers as if he was dry testing the feel of that cute body in front of them. "Get a grip on those thoughts rather than that ass Tigger. Unless you want to be bubbling away in an acid bath and be identified by your teeth."
"Right let's head back to the clubhouse. This just might work in our favor." Three out of four bikes started up and made their way back to Teller Morrow. One biker stayed behind on the president's orders to see where the young lady was heading after she cleaned up the bloody mess in front of Krauzer's.
-=SOA=-
Richard Bachman stood in shock staring at his phone and needed to sit down. Very rarely a feeling of longing pained his chest when he thought about his first and only love and that was exactly what hit him when Clay's unexpected phone call had thrown him thirty years back in time.
>The national president of the Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club had phoned to inform him that his 'old lady' was spotted roaming though the streets of Charming.<br>His mind had known it couldn't have been her, there was no physical way that she could have showed up in San Joaquin Valley - or anywhere else for that matter - but for a split second his heart had thought or wanted it to be true.
>As quick as that old memory had come to life it was buried safely back into its grave again. His mind had taken control over his heart and he had listened carefully to Clay's words. The president didn't say much, tactically waiting it out for Bachman to speak but Bachman wasn't a man of words either and frankly he had still been speechless.<br>His Carmen had struck up Charming and Bachman didn't know how he'd feel about that. With a heavy sigh he pressed the buttons on his cellphone and waited for his daughter to answer his call.
It went straight to voicemail.
-=SOA=-
Temperatures were dropping rapidly once the afternoon sun was setting, the winter hadn't been half bad and compared to the ones in Tacoma it had been like a walk in the park so far.
A gnawing feeling in his stomach made Happy contemplate if he should pull over at the mom and pop diner or just open up the throttle and speed it up back to Charming to have one of the sweetbutts at the clubhouse fix him a plate. Having a craving for a warm home cooked meal he pulled over at the mom and pop diner in a small town neighboring Charming. He frequented the place regularly and the owners knew to give him his space. They never bothered him by asking unnecessary questions like if everything was fine and if he needed anything else. If he wanted something he would ask for it, simple. Entering the parking he spotted a black cut absent of both the center patch and the top rocker but the bottom one read _prospect _in blue on white letters. Happy came to a stop in front of the prospect and gave him a stare up nodding his head.
The young Redwood prospect looked at the notorious full-fledged member and tried to keep his composure. The bald biker was one of the club's members whose presence only was enough to play with his nerves. He cleared his throat before speaking. "She's still in there brother."
Happy inwardly crunched at the word 'brother' until the guy had earned his top rocker and the center piece graced his cut the man in front of him was anything but his brother. "Who?"
The prospect tried to down play it hoping to earn some 'cool dude points' from the club's enforcer but the fiddling with his lighter gave the poor soul away. "Some chick. Don't know man, Clay told me to follow her and see where she is going."
Happy quickly scanned the parking lot. "Get lost." He swung his leg over his bike and pulled on the fingers of his leather gloves taking them off.
"But Clay …" Happy tilted his head silently asking the prospect if he really wanted to finish that sentence and surprisingly he did. "What do I tell Clay? He told me not to come back without knowing where she was staying." The prospect wasn't looking forward to returning to the clubhouse without the required Intel but he knew better than to stand up against a member's direct orders.
"Then don't come back." Happy said dry eyed and shrugged indifferently. The corners of his mouth gave away the grin on his face when he turned his back on the prospect and walked towards the diner - even Davey had more hair on his balls.
The ringing of the doorbell announced his arrival when he opened the door. Being it so early there weren't many people inside contradicting the amount of vehicles outside in the parking. A lot of commuters used the big parking of the mom and pop diner as a carpool place to travel together to and from work in the bigger cities to reduce the traveling costs. The diner mostly ran on take outs, people stopped in before work to grab a coffee or breakfast on-the-go and after work to pick up a polyfoam container that kept their food warm until they get back to their homes in the suburbs.
>There were only two booths and three small tables for customers to sit down that were mainly used by people waiting while their food was being prepared.<br>Happy never had troubles finding a spot to sit down, if his presence didn't clear out a booth or made people sitting at a table scramble up to their feet, Audrey would pull out a chair from the office and make him a makeshift table in the corner of the diner. It's what made this _his _diner, he had never seen her do that for anyone else but him. She didn't give him a special treatment because of the cut on his back or the ink on his skin, she didn't judge him for what he was but for who he was. She reminded him of his mother, which was one of the reasons why he liked coming here.
The tables were vacant and only the far corner booth was occupied by _her. _His eyes diverted to Audrey who gave him a wave and rubbed her hand over her stomach up nodding her unspoken question. Happy nodded, both a greeting and confirmation that indeed he came for a meal. She disappeared into the kitchen and Happy made his way to the booth.
Sliding in across _her _she looked up at him for a brief moment. He could almost see the cogs turn in her head, registering his presence before recognizing him and just like that she ignored him. No visible sign of recognition, she just accepted that he sat across her and went back to minding her own business. Even if she hadn't recognized him – which he found hard to believe – she didn't even look surprised that he occupied the seat across her when the rest of the diner was empty.
"You alright love?" Audrey's voice sang next to him.
Carmen looked up and smiled at the elderly woman. "I am fine Audrey, thank you."
Audrey smiled back at her customer before sending a spine chilling shot at Happy warning him to be kind. "I just checked on your dinner love, it will be ready in a few minutes."
"I am looking forward to it."
"If you need anything I will be right there." Audrey waved towards the kitchen area. "Just give me a shout and I will be right out." She turned towards Happy her eyes meeting his trying to engage him in a silent conversation. "Fixing you up something to eat son, you want a beer to wash it down with?"
Happy nodded and Audrey made her way towards the kitchen.
He answered Carmen's open - almost inviting - expression on her face with his signature blank stare. She held his eyes for a moment searching for the contact that didn't extend further than the mutual stare down. She broke it off and he noticed the slight movement in her shoulders as if she dismissed him before returning her attention back to the papers in front of her.
>She didn't look unnerved by his presence or seemed uncomfortable with his silence and it didn't even look as if she was actively trying to ignore him either. She was just sitting there … minding her own business as if he wasn't even there.<p>
It was equally infuriating as it was intriguing that she ignored him. She didn't respond like most women in her position would. He was used to females cowering away from him or trying to show off their assets to get in his graces depending on their own individual levels of craziness. Not this one, this one just sat there with that annoying pen of hers clamped between her teeth. Happy leant back against the backrest of the booth, both hands on the table his forearms resting on the surface … watching her.
-=SOA=-
"You two on a date or something?" Audrey asked casually when she served both Carmen and Happy their meals. She had been stealing glances at the couple from out the kitchen and couldn't make out their connection. She knew she pushed her boundaries with that question but it was so uncharacteristic for the biker to seek out company that she had to try.
Carmen showed her pearly whites as she smiled back at Audrey before locking eyes with Happy. "I know things can happen quickly these days but I don't even know his name and even though I am not a prude, that's even too fast for me to call it a date Audrey."
Happy heard her words loud and clear but the message in her eyes was stronger than any spoken word. She locked onto his gaze and challenged him to make the next move, any move.
Happy pulled his plate closer. "Thank you Aud, looks good." His voice was low and gravelly and ignoring _her_ was the perfect response to meet her challenge.
Audrey rolled her eyes at Happy drawing a soft giggle out of Carmen. "Looks lovely indeed Audrey. If _I_ need anything I will let you know."
There it was, she did it again she deliberately ignored him. When Carmen reached over the table for the salt his hand shot out and clasped around her wrist applying enough pressure to know that she could feel it, really feel it and that she couldn't ignore him any further.
Instead of pulling back he felt the muscles in her arm relax, giving into his hold. He snorted with contempt at her for giving up so easily but he knew she wasn't stupid of that he was certain. Any other bitch would have pulled back or let out a scream and with that she would have acknowledged the power he had over her. Not this one, this one _knew_ she was dependent on him to release her and didn't want to empower him by making it visible.
He released her wrist and salted his food before putting the salt in the center of the table. He watched as she confidently reached for it but this time she kept her eyes on his hand.
They both had finished their plates and waited for Audrey to come and collect them. "So now what?" Her words startled him, she hadn't spoken one word during dinner. "If you are planning on following me, I can save you the trouble and just tell you where I am staying."
He leant back and stared at her and there it was, the unmistakable sigh of frustration coming from her chest. Her eyes shot up at his and he knew she knew it too, she had lost the game they hadn't been playing. Her frustration got the better of her and he saw the anger building in her eyes.
"Whatever." She sunk back in her seat. "What do you want from me?"
Her voice sounded agitated and her physical presence looked defeated. She gave up and submitted to him, she didn't even try to hide it anymore. _Good girl._
"What are you doing here and where are you staying?"
She opened her purse, took out a business card and started to write something on the back of it.
"I am sure you know who I am since you didn't ask me for my name but for the record; I am Carmen Bachman. I am exploring the area to set up another business, conveniently had a job today in Charming and had the pleasure to meet with your President." She gathered her papers from the table and stuffed them in her bag. She got up and pulled her long dark wavy hair forward over her shoulder. "This is my business card, the name of the hotel I am staying at is on the back so is my cellphone number and I am staying in room twenty three." She leaned down closer but kept her hands away from his reach not falling for the same trick twice. "Call me if you want to take me on a _date_." Her words caked with sarcasm.
She turned on her heels and he watched her walk to the counter convinced that she added a little more sway in her hips then she would normally. When she paid for her meal she walked towards the door, a little faster than her pace would naturally be. He played with the business card between his fingers as she gave him a last look before she went out the door.
Happy waved at Audrey for another beer. He felt _content. _No woman was indifferent towards him, not even this one.
**Thank you for reading, please review. I like to know what you think :-)**
8. Chapter 8
**Thank you all again for the continuing support on this story. I really appreciate it and reading the reviews is really awesome! Hope you will enjoy this chapter! **
"You really want to look into something than start looking into what the hell happened in my town." Clay's words put an end to any speculations regarding Carmen Bachman. The chick wasn't in his town for longer than one day and she was already starting to get on his nerves. She wasn't a threat to his club, Clay had enough history with Bachman to know that having her around wasn't a real reason for concern but she was trouble none the less. The few encounters his men had with Carmen had them distracted from what they really needed to focus on and he was getting sick of it but he would deal with her later one way or the other but preferably in a way that would revenue his club.
"I don't give a shit who did it or what the little bitch got herself into this time but a drive by shooting in broad daylight is disrespectful to this town and to our club." Clay's words echoed through the separated room in the clubhouse where the members of the Sons of Anarchy held church.
"What have we got?" Jax asked and looked around the Redwood table.
"Black car, didn't even slow down. Jenny caught four or five rounds in the head and chest. Seems like a deliberate hit."
Clay puffed on his cigar. "What the hell was she into these days?"
"She hasn't been around town for a few months, left Charming to make something out of her life. No idea why she was even back here."
"Well about goddamn time we _do_ know don't we?" Clay snarled before giving out the orders.
"Jax, I need you to come with me."
Jax raised his eyebrows at Clay. "What for?"
"Groundwork. We're gonna see Elliott. "
Tig overheard the conversation and up nodded Jax asking what this side trip was about. Jax shook his head as he followed Clay outside not knowing what his stepfather was up to.
-=SOA=-
"Come here boss." Brian opened his arms to welcome Carmen in one of his bear hugs. He pushed her out of his embrace to get a good look at her. "Your hair got longer." He said as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Carmen mumbled a couple of incoherent words before she turned around and randomly grabbed a couple of papers of the office desk. "How are things around here?"
Brian narrowed his eyes at her and couldn't help but grin. She had been all bubbly on the phone about coming back up to Tacoma but now that she was here she didn't know how to handle herself. He knew that things slowly but surely were picking up in California but she hadn't found her place yet. "Lot less bitching going on since you left."
Brian ducked to avoid getting hit by an old newspaper that Carmen threw his way. "Good thing I am back then, can't have you slacking off at work."
He watched her smile, he loved seeing her smile. "Good to have you back boss. Wanna head out and grab something to eat?"
Carmen looked at the clock above the door. "Any excuse to close up early right?"
Brian winked at her and filed away the papers he had been working on. "You know me too well. Seriously, I put Beany on call so you and I have some time."
Carmen put her scarf around her neck and shrugged into her jacket before zipping it up. "Chez Nous. You pay."
Of all the restaurants in town Brian really didn't like Chez Nous. It was as pretentious as it was expensive and that was exactly the type of crowd they pulled. Brian shook his head and followed her outside. "What the hell did I do to deserve you?"
Opening the door Carmen looked over her shoulder with a smug grin on her face. "I am the punishment of God ... if you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you."
Brian gave Carmen a worried look. She always had the craziest come backs. "I don't believe in God."
"My point exactly."
-=SOA=-
Carmen had stayed in the little apartment above the office for the last two nights. She had been going over the books and even though she hated to admit it Brian had done more than a great job without her. With a heavy sigh she shut the files and documents that she had been going over and leaned back in her chair. She had made a home for herself here in Tacoma, it might not have been much but she didn't realize how much she had missed it until she came back to it. It was evident that Brian didn't need her here and in a way it made her feel homeless. She couldn't stay here any longer anyways, Tuesday she had to be back in Stockton and being out of state didn't really help her network campaign or responding to the potential jobs coming her way. Not that there had been one phone call but still it wouldn't help.
She turned at the door after she heard a soft knock. Brian walked in and sat down onto the chair on the other side of the desk. He planted his feet firmly on the desk and leant back balancing the chair on its two back legs. She quickly sat up to get the papers from underneath his boots before they would get all dirty and crinkled.
>She never thought that she would ever let herself depend on a man again but she had and she felt comfortable knowing that he was there for her to lean on. Brian had grown to be her rock over the last couple of years. He had been loyal to a fault and every time when life had seemed nothing but an uphill struggle he had given her his support and boosted her confidence.<p>
"When are you leaving?"
"Tonight. No traffic, can make good time. Hit Lodi somewhere in the morning."
"You still staying in that hotel?"
She nodded.
"You got to find a place Carmen."
She nodded again. He was right, she needed a place to call home. She didn't mind being alone but she needed a place of her own. People didn't matter to her much, well her dad did but after their last phone call she didn't expect to hear a lot more of him for a while. He had called her in full on 'daddy'-mode telling her not to get involved with the Sons of Anarchy. They would drag her into their scheming business, chew her up and spit her out when she had served her purpose. He talked to her as if she had been a teenage girl hanging out with the bad boys in college. She was smarter than that, she was thirty five and very capable of making her own decisions. She didn't understand what his problem was. They weren't the law abiding motorcycle enthusiasts that they wanted everyone to believe but she knew that. Did he forget that she was there to clean up their mess? She had seen it first hand and she wasn't as stupid as her father obviously thought she was. He had made the hairs on her neck stand up when he warned her with that condescending tone in his voice to stay away from them. The only thing she regretted was that she hadn't been able to be the adult out of the two of them, so when he told her for the fifth time to steer clear of Charming she had thrown another log on the fire to make sure it would really keep on burning by telling him that she had been on a date with one of them. He demanded to know with which one and started rambling of all sort of names and accusations in a fury. Her dad generally was a quiet and reserved person, hard to read but he had a violent streak to him that sometimes raised its ugly head. She had feared that side of him when she was little but as an adult she knew he just needed to get it out of his system to return to his unusual self. She was just sick of listening to him and hung up on him, besides she didn't even have a name to give him.
"You alright?"
Brian's words pulled her out of her reverie. "Yeah. Lot on my mind."
"Thought I'd lost ya there for a moment. You know I am here for you right? You don't need to leave and know that you always have a place to come home to."
Carmen laughed. "If I didn't know any better I'd say you'd miss me."
She watched as Brian got of his chair a lot quicker than you would expect of anyone with his size and build. She leaned back a little when he came right up to her face and hooked a finger under her chin lifting it up so she had to meet his eyes. "Not joking boss, you don't need to prove anything to anyone."
-=SOA=-
Clay put his phone back in his pocket and turned around. "That was Gemma on the phone."
Tig looked up immediately. "She alright Clay?"
"Yeah she's fine but one of you shitheads couldn't keep his dick in his pants." He stared around and was met with several frowning faces. "Tell me which one of you couldn't stay away from Bachman's old lady?"
Heads turned into Tig's direction who held his hands up in innocence. "Not me. Honestly Clay, I had some pretty vivid dreams about her but unless I've been sleepwalking I didn't come near the bitch. It had to be Juice, he can't shut up about her."
"Lying whore." Happy spat out under his breath loud enough to get the rest's attention.
"You gotta be shitting me … you Hap?" Clay tilted his head in disbelieve. He knew that his go to man had a lust for danger but this was taking it up a notch.
"I didn't touch her." _Well not like that anyways. _He thought as an afterthought but quickly decided not to mention it out loud. "Bitch got her panties in a twist, stormed off and made me pay for her dinner." He remembered it as if it was only yesterday. He had watched her hurry out of the diner with a smug feeling of content running through his body. He drank another beer before going back to the clubhouse and asked Audrey for the bill. When she brought the bill Audrey had said Carmen had asked her to thank him again for a lovely dinner and that she had been sorry she had to leave in such a hurry.
"What the fuck have you done Hap?" Clay growled.
Happy didn't answer his president, not out of disrespect but what was there to say. Nothing happened but the bitch obviously had told differently to her old man. He kicked the dirt in front of his feet. "She told me what hotel she was staying in and to come see her."
"And you did?" clay drawled slowly with frustration and disbelieve.
"Of course not. Came straight back to the club."
"Nothing worse than a scorned woman." Tig taunted his brother earning a pointed finger in his face of his president.
"You guys have no idea who you are dealing with." Clay roared up his bike and the rest followed him back to Teller Morrow.
-=SOA=-
"Long time no see Richard." Bachman watched as Clay walked towards him with his arms spread wide as if he was ready to meet his long lost friend. "Thank you for your work the other day."
It had been a long time ago that they decided to go their own separate ways and not completely without reason. In the last couple of years their paths had crossed occasionally again, time had buried old hatches and they had reached a mutual understanding of leaving the past in the past. "Where is she?" Bachman's voice was eerily calm.
"Hold up brother. I was just as surprised as you were when I heard she was in Charming. I gave you a phone call straight away didn't I? Would I have done that if one of my boys was shagging her?"
Clay might have had a point there but the image he painted of his Carmen getting done by one of these guys went like a bullet straight through Bachman's fatherly heart.
Clay never saw the left hook coming until he felt the force behind the fist that connected with his jaw. Stumbling back a few steps and shaking his head, Clay's hand went up to feel on the result of the impact. He spit the excess of blood stained saliva on the ground. "I deserved that." Clay motioned for his men to stand down. They had responded immediately ready to protect and defend their president and at his command they lowered their guns but kept them ready. "I can vouch that none of my guys has laid as much as a hand on her."
Bachman looked at the bikers behind Clay. "She is mine and off limits. Touch what's mine and become another name on the missing persons list." There were no emotions behinds his words but there was no doubt that Bachman was good for every word he spoke.
"Leave us guys." The men moved away to what could be considered a respectable distance to give Clay and Bachman some privacy.
"Don't worry about her Richard." Clay tried to reassure the cleaner.
Bachman looked at Clay, "She is_ mine_ to worry about." and with that he made his way towards his bike. The guys gathered around as they saw him ride off.
-=SOA=-
"That went rather well I suppose." Clay rubbed over his jaw and wiggled it from left to right. "He still has some punch left in him."
"What the hell happened to our freaky non conversational cleaner?" Tig asked at no one in particular. "Never knew he was the type of man to come and lay a threat on us like that."
"There is a lot you don't know about him." Clay sighed. "You heard the man, the girl is off limits, would hate to see any of you gone missing." He shot a look at all of them but his stare lingered on Happy in particular.
"No interest here." Happy responded.
Their parking lot meeting was disturbed by a white van driving through the gates. Clay turned towards the upcoming van. "Talk about the devil."
Happy lost all faith when Carmen jumped out and stretched her arms and back before approaching them. "Which one of you is Happy?"
**Oh … is that the cat coming out of the bag? I think it is …
>Please let me know what you think, reviews make me happy! <strong>
9. Chapter 9
**Can't say thank you enough for the support and the reviews. Really means a lot to me and it really encourages me to write on. I hope you will enjoy this chapter. **
Carmen mentally slapped herself when she was met by the indifferent and cold stares that the bikers were giving her in reply to her question. She had been driving nonstop from Tacoma to Charming and the fatigue had slowly out won from the steady supply of caffeine and chocolate, a deadly combination. The two C's gave her a false sense of awareness responsible for her dauntless state and the fatigue made it that she constantly was that one step behind on herself. All she really wanted was to go back to the hotel in Lodi, but she didn't want to park her van there, not before she had met with 'Happy'.
She looked at the men in front of her and wondered which one of them was 'Happy'. Judging by the Clay's facial expression, he certainly wasn't. She snickered at her own joke but realized at the same time that she could and probably should have approached them differently.
"Let's try that again." She groaned to herself. She mentally reversed herself back in time and lifted her head to look at the bikers. She dropped her arms to her side and exhaled trying to relax and achieve a more appropriate and humble posture. "Excuse me, could you tell me where I can find Happy? I was told I could find him here."
-=SOA=-
Happy was a man of honor with a reputation. A reputation that was especially valuable to him and that made him especially vulnerable to blows to said reputation. To him there wasn't mediocrity, the club was his life and he was loyal to a fault. Unlike many of his brothers he kept himself to himself, he didn't need to put himself out there to prove himself. He had earned his patch, he respected what it represented and demanded the same respect in return. To him that also meant that he didn't bring drama to their doorstep, not if he could help it and certainly not in the shape and form of a dark haired, fair skinned … _maid. _
He questioned himself what he had done to get himself into this situation. She was asking for him but he was fucked if he knew what she wanted. The change in her demeanor hadn't gone unnoticed and he had silently applauded it. At least it showed that she had some common sense in her.
"What you want." He said as he stepped forward.
After their encounter in the little diner he expected to see the challenge flare up in her eyes and he was ready to set her straight but when her eyes snapped up to his she didn't hold his gaze. Instead she stepped back and offered him a soft smile. She looked more tired and vulnerable and didn't even try to hide it. Happy couldn't match this with what he had seen from her so far. She didn't falter the first night they had met and she had balls enough to stick her dinner on his tap, not to mention the bullshit she had told her old man.
"Hello Happy." She spoke his name as if she extending an introduction that was never made. His thoughts flashed back to both previous encounters and he realized that she never knew his name but apparently she never asked Bachman or Audrey for it either. He saw her look up and noticed the frown that came over her face.
"Let me see if I got this right. Brian asked me to drop this stuff of and said that Kozik … " She hesitated and looked at him for confirmation which he didn't offer. He never gave out the names of his brothers.
She shrugged and continued. "I think it was him anyways, tall good looking one with blond spikey hair? Anyways Brian said that he would sort the finances with you."
"Can't be Kozik."
"Oh … " Carmen looked at one of the other bikers that she had seen the other day in front of Krauszer's.
"He's not good looking." Tig added as a matter of fact.
Carmen laughed and tilted her head. "You're saying it."
Her laugh was disarming and her comment was witty but it held respect. She wasn't trying to be smart or tough, she was merely trying to hold her own in front of them. Happy still had a thing or two that he wanted to say to this broad but he wasn't one to act out in front of his brothers. He would get his message across when he deemed the time to be right. He had time and patience.
>He was an enforcer and even though he never shied away from immediate action, violence or brutal force, by nature he considered himself more of a hunter. Patiently waiting for the right moment to strike, taking pleasure in stalking his prey, slowly closing in causing fear and confusion to take hold of his prey. It wasn't all about the kill, it always was about the hunt. The killing was just part of his job, a necessity that needed to be done to protect his club, his brother's, his family.<p>
Happy remembered the words of Ernest Hemingway. _Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted armed men long enough and like it, never really care for anything else thereafter. _He might not have been one of those spoiled brat college boy's who's mommy and daddy paid for their car and tuition but that didn't mean that he wasn't educated. And Ernest Hemingway sure knew what he was talking about.
"You got a place to put this stuff?" Carmen asked while making her way to the back of the van breaking him out of his thoughts.
Happy nodded and followed her. He noticed that she was very cautious about turning her back to him which pleased him inwardly. She clearly was a fast learner and obviously hadn't forgotten about the night that he had stalked behind her. Just like she hadn't put her hands within his reach a second time after he had hold on to her wrist in the diner. She opened the doors of the van and jumped in. He hadn't expected the amount of high quality equipment that was stacked inside the van. It was packed with chemicals, biohazard waste containers and hard core cleaning supplies varying from brooms, brushes and sledgehammers to ozone machines and a heavy duty power generator.
"Brian secured your stuff to the side, need to move some things around."
She expertly moved things around as if she was solving a sliding puzzle creating room to free his boxes. She tugged on the solid ropes that secured them to the side of the van when his eyes fell on a picture nailed to the wall. _One shot, one kill._ The words decorated an old photo of a concealed sniper holding an M21.
"My dad." She said and nodded to where he was looking. "He was a sniper in the USMC back in the day. Never one to waste a bullet. I like the simplicity behind it."
-=SOA=-
Lee Hancox hurled his phone against the wall of his makeshift office when his call was again put through to the voicemail service. He was beyond frustration; five men just don't go missing. One occasionally falls of the face of the earth but not five and certainly not at the same time. They had been gone without a trace and no one had heard or seen them. At first he thought that they had been out on a wild night in town and he had been ready to skin them alive the moment they would resurface but the silence that hung around his five men was deafening. Something had gone down and he was hell bend on finding the bastard responsible.
Lee Hancox wasn't exactly regarded as a pussycat. Various sources suggested that he was 'psychologically flawed' and a 'control freak' with a nasty temper.
"It will be alright baby." Linda purred at her boss as she stood behind him and wrapped her arms around him softly letting her hands roam over his chest. She softly nibbled at his earlobe willing to calm him down and to make him feel better.
Lee grabbed one of her hands and pulled her onto his lap as he turned around on his office chair. "You think so sweetheart?" He drawled back at her letting his finger trace lightly over her face following her jawline.
"Yes I think so." She answered with confidence as she quickly dipped her head to catch Lee's finger in her mouth and softly suckled on it.
"Well it is a good thing then that I don't pay you to think now is it?" Lee roughly pushed her from his lap causing the girl to fight for her balance on her high heels. He shook his head. "Just get lost Linda, don't need you here."
Linda pouted but didn't argue, she knew better than to push it. If she wanted to stay near him she was better off getting out of his way now that he handed her a free pass. She quickly grabbed her purse and made her way to the door. "I see you later baby." She whispered softly, already knowing that she wasn't to expect him home any time soon.
-=SOA=-
Carmen softly cursed at the tight knots that Brian tied in the ropes. She knew that if he was able to see her struggle he would probably laugh and would untangle the whole thing in one easy and effortless move. He always used these mysterious knots that only he could undo. All she had managed so far was to make it tighter.
Happy had watched her hang unsuccessfully on the end of the rope with her full body weight and was lightly amused at her incapability of undoing the knot. He was tired of waiting around and about to step inside the van to take over from her when she gave up on what she was doing. She angrily opened a drawer of one of the toolboxes and pulled out a leather knife roll. Unfolding it she took out a medium sized knife and sliced through the rope without giving it a second thought.
"If the beaten path doesn't get you there, then take the road that does." She spoke with a stubborn determination.
She had put her foot in front of the box that held his forty- something inch television inside to prevent it from sliding and supported its weight against her leg. "This is where I could use some help here."
She clearly hadn't thought about what she was going to do once the ropes became untied. Happy stepped inside the van. There was hardly any room for her to move around on her own let alone for the two of them to maneuver around each other. There was no way that he could have avoided stepping into her personal space. Not that he was particularly bothered about someone else's space, let alone hers but she should have been bothered with it. He was standing so close to her that he could hear her breathe and he could nearly feel her senses respond to his presence. He looked down at her and watched how she willed herself not to move. It was all too clear to him why Bachman had paid them that visit earlier, the old man needed to because she surely didn't know how to behave as his old lady.
When he put his knee against the box to take over the weight of it his leg pressed against her thigh. He snorted when he heard her sharp intake of air at the brief moment were they physically touched. Her eyes shot up to his before she put one of her feet on top of the generator to hop over it. He felt her hand grab hold of his shoulder to help pull herself up. He was surprised by the strength that he felt behind her grip. Without notice she leaped over the generator and as in reflex Happy outstretched his arm and placed his hand on her hip to steady her on the other side of the jump.
He felt her lean into his touch and she looked him straight in the eyes maintaining the eye contact. "Thank you."
His hand still lingered on her hip when the sound of a rumbling engine made them both look out the back of the van.
"Oh shit." Carmen mumbled and at the same time Happy released his hold on her.
Happy felt her energy freeze on the spot as he watched how Bachman killed the engine of his bike at the end of the lot. He didn't get of his bike but even from this distance Happy could see that his eyes were trained on the white cleaning van.
Both Carmen and Happy were brought out of their own separate thoughts by the double tap on the side of the van. "We got company."
He looked at Carmen who still stood frozen on her spot but he saw her eyes lock onto the man that had clearly come for her.
"This calls for some serious damage control." She sighed.
Happy followed her with his eyes as she hopped out of the van and started to walk towards her old man. She wasn't showing the same bounce in her steps or sway in her hips as he had been when he watched her walk away from him in the diner. Her strides were long and urgent as if she knew the confrontation was inevitable. She didn't waste time or stalled by any means to get to him.
He heard Tig's voice before he saw his brother's face poke around the open van doors. "Scared to come out bro?"
"Just shut up and help me get these."
Tig looked over his shoulder back at Carmen and the cleaner and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What has he got anyways?"
Happy glanced at the direction of the odd couple in their lot and shook his head. He had no clue what the broad saw in the old man or what made her stay with him. He could see why he would hang on to her. She wasn't exactly painful to look at. "Pick up these boxes and get them inside."
"What's in them?"
"Two televisions for my mom and aunt, a stereo and a laptop."
Tig frowned. "And how did you get those?" He paused and up nodded over his shoulder. "Of her."
"Less of the questions?" Happy said as he passed the first box over to Tig.
Tig and Happy unloaded the boxes from the van and made the prospect take them inside the clubhouse. Juice and Clay were still standing next to the van keeping their attention on Carmen and Bachman. Judging by both their body language the conversation had started out pretty heated but by now it had slowly died down.
"She's got that old bastard wrapped around her little finger." Clay concluded from what he had observed so far when Tig and Happy joined them again.
"Can't really blame him, I would let her wrap herself around a little something of mine. That's one hot naughty body."
Juice glanced at Happy behind Tig's back and mouthed 'little' as he indicated a short space between his finger and thumb.
The four of them watched as Bachman started his bike and rolled out of the lot. Carmen waited until he was out of sight before speeding back to the van.
"You got your things?" She asked Happy in a hurry while she eyed the inside of the van.
"Your old man alright?" Clay wanted to know what had been said between the two. The warning that Bachman had given off had been painfully clear and was still fresh on his mind and he didn't need some domestic to be fought out over the back of his club.
They watched as Carmen smiled and gave them a wink. "He'll get over whatever his problem is. Nothing a few cinnamon rolls can't fix. I might be thirty five years old but I will always be my daddy's little girl."
Tig choked slightly. "Is that your dad?"
"Yeah what else would he be? Didn't notice we carry the same last name?" Her face went from puzzled to disgust with lightning speed when she realized they had thought he was her … well not her father. "My God… that's sick, that's just sick."
**And there it is … ;-)**
**I am going to Cuba soon for a few weeks, so I am busy getting everything sorted before I can go on holiday. I hope to be able to get another chapter in before I leave otherwise this story will be on hold until the first week of April. I hope you will be still there when I return.
>Please review to let me know what you think! Thank you for reading! <strong>
End file.
| fanfiction |
Are we seeing everything in a delayed manner?
If light is faster in vacuum medium than in air medium,
does it mean that we are seeing everything in a delayed manner since we live in air medium?
Is there any way to see things in actual speed i.e. in vacuum?
P.s. I'm not a physics grad, so I'm sorry if my question is trivial.
If you mean "do we see things in slow motion", the answer is "no". We see things with a slight delay, but at the same speed as if the medium was a vacuum.
The easiest way to see this is to think about what would happen over time. Let's assume we are looking at a clock, and the light from the clock gets to us slowly - say it takes a second longer than it would in a vacuum. Then when the second hand reaches "1 second past the hour", I see it at the top of the hour. But a second later, the information "it is now one second later" must reach me. Otherwise, all that information will end up piled up between the clock and me - and a person who just walks into the room would either see a different time than I see (they see the one second delay), or for them the situation would be different than it was for me when I walked into the room. Neither of those things make sense.
So - constant delay due to the extra time the signal takes; but other than that, no difference in speed with which observed events unfold.
As was pointed out by @hobbs, the *actual* difference in speed between light in vacuum and in air is tiny. With the refractive index of air at STP around 1.0003, the difference is not something you would normally notice. Light travels 1 meter in about 3 nano seconds; on that scale, an extra 0.03% adds about 1 pico second.
**There is a delay, but you don't see something in slow motion.**
Let's say a certain event happens between $t\_0$ and $t\_1$. If the medium between you (the observer) and the event is air, the light will indeed reach you with a delay. You will see the event beginning at $t\_0+ \Delta t\_{air}$ and ending at $t\_1+ \Delta t\_{air}$. So the timeframe of the event is not stretched, just uniformly delayed.
If there's a vacuum between the event and the observer, there is also a uniform delay. The observer sees the event begin at $t\_0+ \Delta t\_{vacuum}$ and end at $t\_1+ \Delta t\_{vacuum}$.
Because light travels faster in a vacuum than air:
$$\Delta t\_{vacuum} < \Delta t\_{air} $$
So you see the event slightly earlier in a vacuum than in air, but the event lasts the same amount of time in both cases.
---
**Now when do you see something in slow motion (or speed up)?**
Let's use the same event in air, but change the situation a little bit. The event begins at $t\_0$ at distance $d\_0$ from the observer. The event ends at $t\_1$ at a distance $d\_1$ from the observer.
If $d\_0 \lt d\_1$ the begin of the of the event is seen by the observer at $t\_0 + \Delta t\_{air}$, nothing changes here. But for the end of the event an extra term needs to be taken in consinderation. Because the light needs to travel a longer distance $(\Delta d$), the end of the event is observed at $t\_1 + \Delta t\_{air} + \Delta t\_d$. This means the event is observed later, but also the timeframe of the event is stretched out. You see the event in slow motion.
If $d\_0 \gt d\_1$. The way of thinking is the same, except $\Delta t\_d$ will be negative. This means you see the again the event with the same delay, but you see it speed up because the light of $t\_1$ needs to travel a smaller distance.
We never see *anything* in real time, if that's what you mean. The most common example in day-to-day life is the sun, which we see as it actually "appeared" eight minutes ago. Even moonlight takes just over a second to reach us. And when you read about supernovae being discovered, our telescopes are witnessing those events millions or even billions of years after they actually occurred.
But the delay for objects near us (say, a car across the street) is negligible to the point of being irrelevant; any delay added by the Earth's atmosphere slowing the light from that car is even more negligible and, for all intents and purposes, might as well not exist. The resulting illusion that we do see things in real time is what can make it quite unintuitive to think about time delays on the astronomical scale.
A much more obvious example of perceptual time delays is with sound; it's always fun trying to explain to demon-spawn for the first time that lightning and thunder actually "happened" at the same time.
The speed of light in any medium is given by the speed of light in vacuum divided by the relative refractive index of the given material. Now the relative refractive index of vacuum is obviously one. And the relative refractive index of air is 1.0003 at STP, and the value of C or the speed of light in vacuum is approximately 300000000 m/s ,so the difference between speed of light in vacuum in air and in vacuum =89973.0080976 m/s , therefore there is quite a lot of difference in the speed of light in air and in vacuum . But this difference does not bring a lot of difference in short distance observations ,so in case of our daily life observations it is not a matter of worry but for a long distance observation it might cause a problem.
The best metaphor here I think is to think of it as, we see everything on tape delay.
When they broadcast a sporting event, for example, maybe they delay the broadcast 15 seconds so they can have a chance to cut to commercial if something illegal to broadcast happens. Or in the case of the Olympics maybe they delay it even some number of hours so to show it at a more convenient time for the viewer.
That means that you see things (on tape delay) that occurred some time before, right? But you still see them happen at the same speed that they occurred originally; the football player still runs at the same apparent velocity, the ball still is kicked with the same power and apparent velocity. None of that changes. The only difference is that it occurred fifteen seconds before you saw it.
The only reason this would be not true is if some of the light you see were to travel through a medium of air and some of it were to not travel through a medium of air. Then your vision would be distorted (only very very slightly, but still). This would be similar to seeing underwater (or seeing things that are underwater) - the water distorts the light some, not only slows it down but also diffracts it some, in a different way than the air does; thus you have a visible difference. But since everything we 'see' comes through the same air (unless you're looking at something through a space-based telescope I suppose?) there is no apparent distortion since it is all slowed down at the same rate.
Light travels about one foot per nanosecond. One nanosecond is the period of anything vibrating at 1GHz. If you're in a typical room in a house or office building, you're looking at things maybe ten, twenty, orthirty feet away. What you see is how things were 10, 20 or 30 nanoseconds ago. For the everyday things in an typical Human's life, this is so small it hardly matters. Only physicists and radio engineers care.
What about the delay due to air? Vacuum is by definition a "medium" with an index of refraction 1.00000 while air, at the surface of Earth, at a comfortable temperaturn and normal pressure and density, aka "STP", has an index of refraction about 1.00029, for visible light.
Out of a travel time or 10, 20 or 30 nanoseconds, the slowdown caused by light is a fraction 0.00029 of that, which is 0.0029, 0.0058 or 0.0087 nanoseconds.
What about when you're outdoors looking at mountains ten miles or so away? The regular speed of light means a delay of about 52000 nanoseconds, or 52 microseconds. The effect of air, compared to vacuum, amounts to 0.00029 of that, about 15 nanoseconds.
The exact index of refraction of air depends on temerature, density and humidity. The NIST has a [page detailing this variation](http://emtoolbox.nist.gov/Wavelength/Documentation.asp).
It should be noted that this is only a time delay. Any repeating activity will appear to occur at the same speed. If a light is blinking every 1.000000000 seconds, you'll see each blink several nanoseconds later, but still ocurring every 1.000000000 seconds.
When looking at the Moon, Jupiter, stars, or anything outside Earth's atmosphere, you're looking through vacuum mostly, but there are several miles' worth of air between you on the ground and empty space. Our atmosphere tapers off gradually. If you brought down all the thin air in the upper fringes and packed it down so it's all at STP, I think it comes outto be about 10 to 15 miles thick. Well, that's about the same as the mountain example I just gave. So you would see a supernova go off about 15 to 20 nanoseconds later due to Earth's atmosphere, compared to if the air weren't there.
Fun fact: radio astronomers can measure the delay of microwave signals from pulsars due to the interstellar medium. This medium is what most normal humans call "vacuum" but it's not perfectly vacuum. The index of refraction is tiny, and depends strongly on frequency. Measurement of this variation tells astrophysicists something about the few neutral atoms, H2 molecules, and free electrons and protons, drifting around between the stars. It's mostly hydrogen molecules, at about one million per cubic cm.
| stackexchange/physics |
FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
“Its Different For Girls”
Episode #110
Written by Andy Miller FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS
“It’s Differen t for Girls”
TEASER
EXT./INT. DILLON HIGH - MORNING
Over the circ us of high school STUDENTS arriving by bus, car,
bike and foot, WE HEAR SAMMY MEADE broadcast...
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
...and what a night-day
doubleheader Dillon has this
weekend! First, Friday Night, the
football Panthers look to sharpen
their claws agai nst the hapless
Ramapo Rams - the w orst team in the
division.
A SKATEBOARDER ramps into the school entrance, down the
crowded hallway, whizzes by a t eacher carrying coffee, races
the length of the hallway and out...
THE BACK OF THE SCHOOL
THE SKATEBOARDER rolls down a r amp, gathers mo mentum, then
LAUNCHES --
CLOSE ON the skateboarder, AIRB ORNE... He lands
successfully. He coasts toward...
THE FOOTBALL FIELDThe team is running a blocking dri ll: two line s, lead player
in each line faces off, driving into the other with all
they’ve got at the whistle.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O)
I tell you, the only way the
Panthers lose th is game is by
beating themselv es. But one
massacre won’t be enough for
Dillon. Not this weekend.
PULL FOCUS to CH EERLEADERS practicing on th e sideline.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
The Southwest Cheerleading
Regionals start thi s Saturday, and
the young Panther Squad, led by
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)captain Lyla Gar rity, is hunting
for victory. Hell, these ladies
feel confiden t about winn ing. And
let Sammy give y ’all a bit of
advice: don’t be t against these
Panthers, ‘cause these little
ladies are tough...
Sammy’s broadcast continues over...
INT. FIELD HOUSE - GIRLS LOCKER ROOM - CONTINUOUS
LYLA GARRITY, in gym shorts and a T-shirt, sta nds over a
sink. Her eyes are red; she choke s back sobs. Lyla pulls
paper towel after p aper towel out of the dispense r, then runs
water over the towels.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
These little ladies are e asy on the
eyes, too. Whic h not only helps
the football player giving it his
all on the field, but also helps
put asses in the seats.
MOVE WITH LYLA as she carries the towels to...
HER LOCKER. WHORE is scrawled across in lipstick. Lyla
scrubs the locke r clean. She stop s, the word no longer
visible. The st ing of it, however, is still t here. OFF
LYLA, as she res umes scrubbing --
INT. DILLON HIGH - GYMNASIUM - DAY
A giant AMERICAN FL AG draped across o ne wall provides a
backdrop as the CHEERLEADING SQ UAD practices. Bu t this is no
rah-rah pom-poms bullshit. These gir ls are sy nchronized
gymnasts, and th ey whip across the gym, doing backflips and
corkscrews as they practice their routine. The g irls are all
business, with no m ake-up and sweating like jocks.
PICK UP Lyla as she enters the gym. The squad stops. Lyla
glares. WE H EAR some giggles.
KENNEDY
(taunting)
Lyla Garrity, she’s the best, every
guy wants to tou ch her chest.
BRITTANY
Panthers roar, P anthers soar, but
Panther cheerleaders ain’t no
whore.2.
CONTINUED:
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.) (CONT’D)
(CONTINUED)A WHISTLE BLOWS. M ISS DER, the cheerleading c oach (35), a
former Miss Texa s blonde bomb w ho is driven to win and cold
as ice, marches to the front of the gym.
MISS DER
Cut the bullshit ! The tournament
starts this Saturday, and we’ve
been working for too long to screw
up now. I need you serious, I need
you focused. I nee d you committed
to winning - I f or one don’t want
to take home a silver medal.
(smiles)
I like gold.
The squad echoes the sentiment.
MISS DER (CONT’D)
And Lyla - I need y ou here on time.
Lyla wants to ex plain, but Miss De r raises her hand --
MISS DER (CONT’D)
I don’t want to hear it. Okay
everyone, let’s run it again. And
use the music to keep your beat.
Miss Der cranks up THEME MUSIC. T he squad tumbles, an
acrobatic display. Lyla backflips across the floor, then
VAULTS into the hands of BRITTANY (her s upporting base), as
the squad forms a pyramid.
ON LYLA, arms raised, the pi nnacle of the pyra mid. But as we
MOVE CLOSE ON LY LA, it’s clear her mind is els ewhere. Lyla
loses her bal ance, FALLS...
Lands heavily on top of Brittany. Br ittany pushe s her off.
BRITTANY
Great. I guess Tim Riggins banged
the balance right on out of you.
OFF Lyla sprawled on the floor, a blank expression masking
her misery...
INT./EXT. CADILLAC - HIGH NOON
CLOSE ON JASON S TREET, his blank e xpression similar to
Lyla’s. Sun shi nes on his face and wind wh ips through his
hair...3.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)REVEAL: a Cad illac racing across the Texas landscape.
There’s a wheelc hair strapped to the roof.
ANGLE ON Jason, in the back. J ason’s hand is out the window,
buffeted by the win d. CLOSE ON MITCH ELL STREET’S EYES,
watching from the rear view mirror.
MITCHELL STREET
Got a great deal customizing the
car, son. It’s amazing what they
can do. We’re g oing to fit it with
hand controls so you can drive.
JASON
Cool.
JOANNE STREET
Everything’s goi ng to be okay,
honey. You’re going home.
FIND JOANNE STRE ET, in the p assenger seat. Wh ile Mrs. Street
is sincerely ove rjoyed, she’s a lso anxious about the future -
and no smile painted on her face c an hide this. Jason smiles
back, but then his smile fades as his eyes are dr awn to...
THE HANDICAPPED PLA CARD hanging fr om the rear vie w mirror.
SMASH TO:
EXT. STREET HOUSE - DAY
Mr. Street unloa ds Jason from the Cadillac, but Jason insists
on wheeling h imself up the homemade ramp.
JOANNE STREET
Your dad made those ramps.
JASON
Good job, dad.
MITCHELL STREET
We converted the living room into
your new room . You’ve go t your own
bathroom and you r own entrance.
Mrs. Street opens t he door. Jason wheels insi de - but gets
stuck on the lip. He struggles. Mrs. Street mot ions Mr.
Street to help, but Jason sh akes him off.
JASON
I...got...it...4.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)Jason gets ov er the lip! OFF t his triumpha nt moment...
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jason enters. The room is filled with trop hies and pictures
and newspaper ar ticles, relics fro m glory past.
MITCHELL STREET
Welcome home, son.
His father hugs him; it’s awkwa rd because of t he wheelchair.
Jason smiles wea kly. Welcome home indeed.
JOANNE STREET
Are you hungr y, Jason? W ant lunch?
JASON
I’m fine, mom. Jus t tired. You
guys mind if I lie down?
JOANNE STREET
Not at all.
MITCHELL STREET
You need a hand?
JASON
Legs, dad. I need legs.
(beat)
It’s a joke. Se riously, I’m fine.
The Streets exit , a little too eagerly. The d oor shuts and
Jason sits alone, surrounded by his h istory. He picks up a
photo of Lyla and himself. Stares . Tears well up, but he
forces them back . Puts the picture in a drawer and closes
it. OFF this...
EXT. DILLON H IGH - MAIN E NTRANCE - DAY
SMASH, surrounded by Smashettes, holds court.
SMASH
Embrace the game. Breathe it, live
it, eat it, think it, see it. At
all times, in al l ways. Football
is life. And I’ m setting records
Friday Night, you can’t contain my
desire. Just give me the ball...
Smash stops m id-sentence as WAVERL Y GRADY (17) walks by.
There’s something s ophisticated about her that sets her 5.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)apart. Plus, she’s drop dead beautiful. S mash FOLLOWS
Waverly --
SMASHETTE
Hey, Smash! Where you going?
STAY WITH SMASH, a lion stal king his prey.
SMASH
Excuse me, Mi ss? I do not believe
I have the privileg e of knowing
you. If you’d like, I’ll escort
you to wherever you’re going, give
us a chance to exchange formalities...
Waverly rolls her eyes, keeps walking.
SMASH (CONT’D)
I’ve got almost thirty mi nutes till
practice. Footb all practice?
No response. Sm ash flashes his mi llion dollar smile.
SMASH (CONT’D)
You do know who I am? Smash
Williams, star r unning back.
Destined for USC, for the Heisman,
for the NFL, and for the Hall of
Fame.
None of this impresses Waverly. S mash keeps following.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Now don’t be shy, g irl. I know I
just laid a l ot of intimidating
info on you, but deep down, Smash
is humble. It just happens to be
your lucky day that Smash’s eyes
have locked on you.
A BLACK LINCOLN CONTINENTAL pulls up. Waverly waves at the
driver, who is concealed behind tinted windows.
WAVERLY
I’ve got a ride. But, thanks.
The tinted wi ndow of the Lincol n rolls down. REVEAL REVEREND
GRADY in the driver’s seat.
ON SMASH, suddenly recognizing Waverly.6.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)SMASH
Waverly? Wav erly Grady?
REVEREND GRADY
Hi, Brian. R eady for Friday’s
game?
Smash nods, b ut the game is the furthest thing from his mind.
REVEREND GRAD Y (CONT’D)
You remember Waverly?
WAVERLY
He does now.
Waverly winks, g ets in the car. The Lincoln p ulls away.
OFF Smash, like he just got stung by Muhammad Ali.
SMASH TO:
MAIN TITLES
END OF TEASER7.
CONTINUED: (2)ACT ONE
EXT. TAYLOR’S CAR - MORNING
The Taylors comm ute to school.
TAMI (O.S.)
It bothers you.
TAYLOR (O.S.)
It does no t bother me.
TAMI (O.S.)
Come on, admi t it. A co- pep rally?
The football team s haring the show?
INT. TAYLOR’S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Coach drives, Tami next to him, and Julie in the back.
TAYLOR
I think sharing the stage with the
cheerleaders is good. Those girls
work hard; th ey deserve it.
TAMI
Doesn’t their to urnament take the
focus off the football game? Isn’t
that dangerous to the team?
Tami’s pushing h is buttons, and Co ach knows it.
TAYLOR
Hell, I plan to channel the energy
those girls put into my players and
use it Friday Night.
TAMI
(whispers)
Like you u se to channel my energy?
TAYLOR
Exactly.
Tami kisses Coac h. Long and sexy.
JULIE
Hey! The road!!
TAYLOR
I’m watching! A nyway, I love the
idea of a co-pep rally.8.
(CONTINUED)JULIE
You want my thoughts on
cheerleading?
Coach doesn’t, b ut knows he’s going to hear it.
JULIE (CONT’D)
It’s even more pointless than
football.
TAMI
Careful. Footba ll pays our bills.
TAYLOR
Amen, sister.
JULIE
Okay, I concede that. I even
concede th at football has a purpose
in terms of e ntertainment , though
for the life of me, I don’t know
why. But cheerl eading? Cheering
for others to entertain?
TAYLOR
This is Texas cheerleading, and
those girls a re tough. R eal jocks.
JULIE
Then why don’t the girls get paid
like jocks? Do you know a Dallas
Cowboy Cheerlead er makes fifty
dollars a game whil e the average
NFL player makes forty thousand per
game. Cheerl eading is se xist, dad.
Girls jumping up and down in short
skirts waving po m-poms, singing
silly ditties . And why? Are girls
hard wired to pu t on short skirts
and cheer for men?
TAYLOR
(a long beat, then)
Are you, uh, planni ng something? I
mean, like, shav ing your head and
moving to New Yo rk? I’m just
asking.
INT. GARRITY HOUSE - MORNING
Lyla, draped in an oversized flann el shirt, is at the
breakfast table. 9.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)LYLA
I don’t feel wel l. I swear it.
PAM GARRITY abse ntmindedly feels Lyla’s forehead. No fever.
PAM
You’re fine.
ON Lyla, she doesn’t have the strength to argue. PICK UP
BUDDY GARRITY as he enters, pou rs himself coffee.
BUDDY
Don’t worry, this will all blow
over. Those kid s will have
something bet ter to ta lk about.
BACK TO Lyla, even more worr ied at the mention of other kids.
BUDDY (CONT’D)
There’s no quit in Lyla Garrity.
No matter what come s at you, you
keep going. That’s my baby. Now
get dressed. Pract ice, remember?
Got to get that W f or the squad on
Saturday. This is your moment in
the sun. You deserve this.
OFF Lyla, buoyed by her fath er’s words...
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - MORNING
Jason struggles to put his pant s on, literally lifting his
limbs and pushin g them into his pa nts. He’s breathing
heavily. But th en his breathing q uiets as HE HEARS...
JOANNE STREET (O.S.)
We have talked about t his. I don’t
want to rehash w hat we’ve already
settled.
MITCHELL S TREET (O.S.)
What we’ve settl ed and what you
think we’ve s ettled are two
different things.
JOANNE STREET (O.S.)
(getting louder)
Not now, Mitchel l. NOT NOW!
ON JASON, quickl y lifting himse lf into his chair. PRELAP the
sizzle of Bacon...10.
CONTINUED:INT. STREET HOUSE - KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS
START ON bacon sizz ling in a pan. PICK UP Jason, wh eeling to
the table. F IND Mr. Street reading a newspape r. He smiles.
MITCHELL STREET
‘Morning, son.
Jason winks. Fi xes a fork to h is hand so he can eat. Mrs.
Street serves Ja son a plate of bacon and eggs.
JOANNE STREET
I bet you missed homemade cooking.
JASON
I sure did. Thanks, mom.
ANGLE ON his father, peering over the paper, watching Jason
eat.
JOANNE STREET
Uh, Jason, a law yer’s coming by
tonight. Jus t to talk.
Mr. Street puts dow n the paper, clear ly exasperated.
JASON
You and dad d on’t seem on the same
page about this.
JOANNE STREET
There is no page yet. This is all
about options. Your father and I
are on the same pag e that we’ll
spare no expense when it comes to
making you better. Am I right,
Mitchell?
Mr. Street nods.
JASON
Alright, mom. W e’ll talk to the
lawyer.
He bites his bacon. Mr. Street reads his pape r. Mrs. Street
sips her cup of coffee. OFF this “Ordinary People” moment...
INT. FIELD HOUSE - WEIGHT ROOM - DAY
The FOOTBALL TEAM pumps iron, y oung studs in cutoff T’s with
ripped chests an d iron-board st omachs. MATT SARACEN and
Smash sit on bench presses, but ne ither is lifting.11.
(CONTINUED)SMASH
Don’t you watch TV?
SARACEN
I watch TV.
SMASH
Well you’re watching the wrong TV.
Man, I thought y ou were gonna eat
Julie’s whole he ad, the way you
kissed her. Got ta be smoother then
that. Smooth like the Smash.
SARACEN
That a fact?
SMASH
Watch and learn. I just met this
bangin’ shorty, and I guarantee
I’ll hit that ‘fore you cop a feel
off Julie Taylor.
DOLIA
You saying yo u’ll score on Waverly
Grady before Saracen gets second on
Julie Taylor?
SMASH
That’s what I’m saying.
PUDNICK
I don’t know, Sm ash. Waverly was
studying in Ghan a for a year.
She’s real smart , and she don’t
give a damn abou t football. You
might be overreaching.
SMASH
Nothing’s out of reach to the
Smash. I’m one size fits all.
DOLIA
You ain’t scoring on the Reverend’s
daughter. I’ll bet Saracen gets
second on Julie Tay lor before you
score.
PUDNICK
Julie Taylor is hot . I’d do her.
SMASH
We all would. You’ve got a deal. 12.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)LAUGHTER. Sudde nly, silence --
REVEAL COACH TAY LOR, standing in the room.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Hey... Coach.
A long beat as T aylor’s glare b urns a hole.
TAYLOR
You girls lifting or chatting?
SARACEN
We’re lift ing, sir.
ANGLE ON Matt, pump ing. ANGLE ON Smash, doing the same.
TAYLOR
(addressing the team)
It would be a mistake to take a
vacation ment ality to Friday
Night’s game. I t’s not just that
we might lose, b ut that we might
not win. We have a chance here for
more than a W. We have a chance to
establish ourselves , to build a
reputation. To put fear into
future opponents . Do not
underestimate the p ower of fear.
Coach places his hands on Smash and Saracen’s barbells.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Reputation plus intimidat ion equals
victory. I w ant us to go all out
this Friday. No let u p. This is a
chance to shine. I want us to
shine.
He gently pushes do wn on the barbe lls, creating resistance.
Smash and Sarace n struggle...
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Dig deep. Focus on the game.
Focus only on this game.
He pushes down harder - Smash a nd Saracen can no longer lift
and can barely keep the dumb bells from crus hing them.
Coach walks away . OFF Smash an d Saracen, happy to be alive --13.
CONTINUED: (2)INT. DILLON HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY
Saracen is ta lking to Julie at her locker, or try ing to, and
Julie is trying not to look exc ited. But s he really is.
SARACEN
So, I was, you k now - I d idn’t know
where I was. No t that I didn’t
know, but I forgot. I was excited,
and just wanted to kiss you.
JULIE
You didn’t reali ze you were in a
stadium filled with fifteen
thousand people? Including my
father?
SARACEN
Not at that m oment. I’m sorry. I,
uh, I won’t do it again. Okay?
JULIE
Sure.
SARACEN
But, that wasn’t, I didn’t come
here to ap ologize. Not that I’m
not sorry--
JULIE
I get it. Come on, cut to the
chase.
SARACEN
Do you want to go out? With me?
Tomorrow nigh t? We can--
JULIE
Yes.
SARACEN
What?
JULIE
I said yes.
SARACEN
You said yes?
JULIE
Oh, brother. We’ve got to start
communicating better. 14.
(CONTINUED)OFF Matt, prayin g for help...
EXT. WOODS - DAY
TIM RIGGINS p ushes Jason down a di rt path. Lyla walks
alongside. Ever yone is laughin g. Suddenly, J ason STEPS OUT
of the chair. A beat as everyone stares, then Jason WALKS
down the path, t he smile on his face widening, then Jason
RUNS, faster and faster, ful l of joy --
He FALLS into mud. Struggles to get out , but the mud is
quicksand, and Jason’s legs are stuck. He loo ks to Tim and
Lyla for help , but they walk away. Jaso n struggles with
everything he’s got, but his legs can’t move and he slowly
sinks down, d eeper and deeper. Finally, his head goes under
and he can’t breathe...
CUT TO:
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - DAY
Jason wakes with a GASP. Takes several deep brea ths until he
realizes he was dreaming. Until he r ealizes that he’s still
paralyzed.ANGLE ON Jason gett ing into his wh eelchair. Roll s around his
room, bored. Peeks into his bathroom...
CLOSE ON the metall ic shower seat in his stall. Shiny and
cold. OFF Jason, r ealizing that w hat was once normal, will
never be n ormal again.
EXT. DILLON - DAYThe cheerleading squad jogs throug h town, Lyla Garrity at the
head. Townspeople stop in their tracks - these girls are not
a bad sight.The girls jog to a park, and st art doing sit-u ps. FIND
Kennedy, whis pering loudly to Brittany.
KENNEDY
I’m not judging Lyla, I’ve been
friends with her since forever.
But getting bang ed by Tim Riggins
could be more then she can handle. Could throw off her whole game.
With the tournam ent this Saturday,
that’s too ri sky. We have
to win.
FIND Lyla, about to kill. MARIA laughs.15.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)MARIA
Don’t listen to Kennedy. She’s
jealous, t hat’s all. She wishes
Tim Riggins made a play for her.
KENNEDY
Make a play for this, bitch.
ON Lyla, feeling even worse. Maria resumes jogging.
MARIA
Come on Lyla, you know you’re bank. Work out t he anger. L et’s use that
nasty energy to win the tournament.
Most of the girls agree, and they all start jo gging down the
path. Except Lyla. She jogs in another direction.
LYLA
You girls go. I ’ll see you later.
STAY WITH LYLA as she jogs away. CON TINUE WITH HER as she
runs past Dillon Elementary. GRAD E SCHOOL CHE ERLEADERS
practice in front of the school. The young girls recognize
Lyla and wave, as if a celeb rity is passing . A couple of
teachers, however, look at Lyla with jud gement. Or do they?
OFF Lyla, unsure...
EXT. STREET HOUSE - DAY
Jason is in his driveway, spinning in his wheelchair.
GEORGE (O.S.)
Jason? Hey J ason, you’re home!
GEORGE DUNN, Jason’ s next door nei ghbor, walks over. Shakes
Jason’s hand, th ough Jason stru ggles with returni ng the grip.
MRS. DUNN and NICK, their si x-year-old son, hurry over as
well. Mrs. D unn hugs Jason.
MRS. DUNN
Welcome home.
JASON
Thanks, Mrs. Dunn.
MRS. DUNN
You look good. Doesn’t h e, George,
doesn’t Jason look good?
GEORGE DUNN
He does. You do, Jason.16.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)The Dunns mean it, and Jason takes it the right way. ANGLE
ON Nick, sitting on a tricycle, st aring at Jason.
NICK DUNN
Can you walk?
ON Nick’s parents, very uncomfortable.
JASON
No, I can’t. But I bet I can go
faster than you.
Jason spins his chair, motions toward Nick’s tricycle.
NICK DUNN
Bet you can’t.
TIME CUT TO:
BOTTOM OF THE DRIVEWAY
ANGLE ON litt le Nick in his tricycle racing Ja son Street in
his wheelchair. Up the length of the driveway ... Nick wins!
NICK DUNN
Yay!
ANGLE ON Jaso n, laughing, spinn ing his chair. He stops --
REVEAL Lyla at the bottom of the driveway.
No one says a word. Mr. Dunn gath ers his fami ly and walks
away. Jason still has n’t moved. Neither has Lyl a. Finally
she opens her mo uth, but nothin g comes out. She tries
again...
LYLA
I... I...
But it’s too late. Jason spins around a nd enters hi s room.
Closes the door. OFF Lyla, tot ally rejected...
END OF ACT ONE17.
CONTINUED:ACT TWO
INT. DILLON H IGH - ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
The class is divided b etween boys and girls. JUD ITH LEVINE
stands in the middle.
JUDITH
Brian, you’re on . Monogamy in
literature?
ANGLE ON Smash, as he slowly stands. It’s clear that
whatever assignm ent was given, he didn’t do.
SMASH
I don’t know abo ut literature, but
I do know monoga my is bullshit.
It’s man-made. Actually, it’s
woman-made.
The class LAUGHS. FIND Waverly, slightly amused.
JUDITH
Monogamy has bee n a theme in
literature throu ghout history.
Homer’s Iliad - today’s a ssignment -
is an example, recounting the
consequences of Hel en’s adultery.
But note Home r’s double s tandard in
how Ulysses was eas ily forgiven for
dallying Circe in The Odyssey.
SMASH
That’s ‘cause men can be with more
than one w oman, but women should be
with only one man.
JUDITH
Explain.
SMASH
It’s about the s eed and the egg.
The flower an d the bee. The man’s
job is to spread th e pollen. The
girl’s is to grow it. Now, can’t
be growing more tha n one at a time,
can you?
AARON
What the hell are you saying?18.
(CONTINUED)WAVERLY
I think Smash is saying that
monogamy is not natural. That the
male of any spec ies is hard wired
for genetic d iversity, thus
assuring his dom inance in the
future.
SMASH
Exactly.
WAVERLY
It’s rare to fin d monogamy in
nature, especial ly among mammals.
Beavers, otters, bats, some
primates, but for the most part,
monogamy is not natural. The male
instinct is to fertilize as many
eggs as possible.
SMASH
I knew I liked you.
WAVERLY
But that’s wh at makes humans
different. F reud argues in
“Civilization and its Discontents”
that civilization is founded on the
repression of in stincts. I would
add that we’r e never so human as
when we act c ontrary to our
instinct, and that monoga my - with
the right person, is a state of
higher evolution.
You can hear a pin drop. AARON crosses to the girls’ side.
AARON
I’m with the new chick.
He sits down amidst LAUGHTER. ANGLE ON Smash, his eyes
lazored on Waverly. T he BELL RINGS.
INT. DILLON H IGH - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Smash motors dow n the hall, avo iding students lik e he does
tacklers. Final ly, he catches up to -- WAVERLY.
SMASH
Hey!
Waverly st ops. Waits.19.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)SMASH (CONT’D)
That was good in class. Sharp.
WAVERLY
Thanks.
SMASH
So how about we hang after school?
Just you and me, some deep
conversation, know what I’m saying?
WAVERLY
I do. But I’ll pass.
She starts back down the hall.
SMASH
Pass? Pass on the Smash?
Smash feigns indignity, but his usual charm ai n’t working.
Waverly ke eps walking.
SMASH (CONT’D)
I don’t give up, baby. I don’t
quit. Embrac e the Smash!
Smash FOLLOWS HER T HROUGH A DOOR. We HEAR A SCREAM, then
Smash jumps b ack out. OFF Smash, realizing he just followed
Waverly into the girl’s room...
INT. DILLON HIGH - CAFETERIA - DAY
LANDRY stands be hind TYRA in the food line. Staring.
TYRA
What are you looking at?
LANDRY
Uh. You.
TYRA
And why are you looking at me?
OFF Landry, deba ting whether to te ll her his fantasy...
FIND Lyla, si tting by herself, pre tending to read a magazine,
trying to block out the leper s tares she’s gettin g from the
other students. Suddenly, TWO BOY S sit with her.
LYLA
Oh, God! You guys scared me.20.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)BOY
We did? Wow, I guess that’s a
compliment. I m ean, the word is
that Lyla Gar rity is not easy to
scare. What we’re saying is, we
think what you d id - sleepin g with
both Jason and Tim - was bold.
Forging new boundaries.
BOY #2
We’re here to se e if you want to
keep forging new boundaries. With
us. All together.
ON these boys, so full of thems elves; this is the funniest
thing they’ve ever heard.
BACK TO Lyla, fighting tears but refusing to cry in front of
these pricks. A SHADOW looms o ver the table...
TIM RIGGINS. The cocky boys su ddenly turn coward and leave.
Tim sits in their place.
RIGGINS
What was t hat about?
Lyla shakes h er head. Chokes back a sob. Tim reaches under
the table, te nderly takes her hand. Gives a l ove squeeze.
RIGGINS (CONT’D)
You want me to k ick their asses?
(Lyla shake s her head)
Kick someone else’s ass?
FIND TYRA, in li ne. Watching Tim holding L yla’s hand.
BACK TO Lyla and Tim. Lyla realiz es everyone in the
cafeteria is watchi ng. She pulls her hand away.
LYLA
Leave me alone! Can’t you see that
us talking ma kes it worse?
RIGGINS
Why?
LYLA
‘Cause everyone see s. Everyone
thinks. A nd then Jason hears, and,
you know, I can tak e all the shit
the students and the town can dish 21.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)out, but I can’t take Jason hating
me. Don’t you get it?
RIGGINS
Who cares about what everyone sees?
This is about us.
LYLA
There is no us! There never was!!
Get this stra ight Tim - we were a
one night stand. A mistake. I
love Jason .
OFF Tim, like he was punched in the gut...
EXT. GARRITY MOTORS - DAY
Buddy holds open the door to a new truck.
BUDDY
Congratulations on you r new Tacoma.
MAN
Thank you, Buddy. You’ve been more
than fair.
BUDDY
That’s how I operate.
(dangles the keys)
I put the keys on a Garrity Motors
keychain. No ch arge. Also note
the floormats. No charge.
CLOSE ON t he floormats, Garrity Motors emblazoned across.
The MAN gets ins ide. Buddy poi nts to the passenger seat.
BUDDY (CONT’D)
I also threw in a c oupon for a free
twelve piece bucket at KFC. For
the missus. Coupon includes ‘slaw.
MAN
Thanks. She’ll appreciate that.
They shake. The man drives away. Buddy si ghs. Life is
perfect. BEN BECK approaches.
BEN
Hey, Buddy.22.
CONTINUED: (2)
LYLA (CONT'D)
(CONTINUED)BUDDY
I’m on a hot streak , Ben. Don’t
come within ten feet unless you
plan on buying.
But Ben’s face is serious.
BEN
I came to apologize . Alice and I
are punishing Brittany for what she
did to Lyla.
Buddy has no ide a what Ben’s talking about.
BEN (CONT’D)
I thought you knew. Brittany put
something nasty on Myspace. Other
kids then added to it, but Brittany
started it. Hel l Buddy, I don’t
even know what M yspace is, but I
can assure you, it won’t happen
again. I just w anted to apologize
in person. L yla doesn ’t deserve
this, no matt er what she did.
OFF Buddy, No matter what she did echoing in his head...
INT. GARRITY MOTORS - BUDDY’ S OFFICE - M OMENTS LATER
Buddy stares at Lyla’s Myspace page. A PICTUR E of Lyla
appears with SLUT printed acros s. OFF Budd y, heartbroken...
EXT. DILLON HIGH - DAY
Lyla walks toward the gymnasium. Tyr a intercepts her.
TYRA
Damn you, Lyla!
Lyla stops, d reading this co nfrontation. T yra’s fists are
balled, she’s re ady to fly o ff the handle.
TYRA (CONT’D)
You know, you ... you...
Tears suddenly well in Tyra’ s eyes. Tyr a, shocked and
embarrassed, quickl y turns and leaves. OFF Lyla, feeling
even worse th an if Tyra had rip ped into her...
CUT TO:23.
CONTINUED:INT. DILLON HIGH - GYMNASIUM - DAY
Lyla’s alone in the gym, practicing backflips. Backflip
after backflip after backflip. Trying to numb the pain.
INT. FIELD HO USE - GIRLS LOCKER ROOM - DAY
CLOSE ON ice packs wrapped around Lyla’s knees. REVEAL Lyla,
in her underwear and bra. Completely worn out. Maria walks
over, wrapped in a towel.
MARIA
Miss Der want s to see you.
INT. FIELD HO USE - MISS DER’ S OFFICE - DAY
Miss Der is view ing film of the squad’s routin e. PICK UP
Lyla, entering. Miss Der FR EEZES the film.
MISS DER
Look Lyla, this is difficult for
me. I know how hard you’ ve worked
to get to this m oment. I know
you’ve choreographe d the squad’s
routine, I know you’ve spent
summers pr acticing, I know you’ve
dreamt about this s ince you were a
little girl. I also know how good
you are. That’s why I made you
captain. But Lyla, you have to
think like a captain. And that
means thinking of the team first.
LYLA
What are you saying?
MISS DER
I want you to co nsider stepping
down. At least for this Saturday.
LYLA
Oh my God. Is this becau se of what
I did with Tim?
MISS DER
I couldn’t care les s about that.
This is about winning, and the
health of your team. Your focus is
for shit, Lyla, and that means
you’re dangerous. You know how
many girls get seriously hurt in 24.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)our sport. It’s almost as bad as
football.
LYLA
I can get focused.
MISS DER
I don’t think you can. Not for
Saturday. So co nsider it. And
consider it as a captain, with your
responsibility to your team.
Miss Der unfr eezes the film. OFF Lyla, reflec ted in the
footage...
INT. TAYLOR HOUS E - LATE AFTERNOON
Coach reviews FILM FOOTAGE. Ta mi cleans up.
TAMI
Yeah, yeah, oh s ure Eric, just sit
there while I tidy up. Here, don’t
move, let me lift your feet, get
you more c omfortable.
She lifts his fe et onto a stool.
TAYLOR
Thanks.
His eyes stay ri veted on the screen. Julie ENTERS.
JULIE
I’m going out to morrow night.
TAMI
Are you asking or telling?
JULIE
Mom! I’ll be home by ten.
TAMI
Ten’s late for a school night.
JULIE
Nine-thirty.
TAMI
Okay. What a re you doing?
JULIE
Matt Saracen asked me out.25.
CONTINUED:
MISS DER (CONT'D)
(CONTINUED)Suddenly Coach sits up. Tur ns off the TV.
TAYLOR
What? Sarace n asked you out again?
JULIE
Relax dad, you know how I feel
about footbal l players.
TAYLOR
Then why a re you going out with
him?
(Julie roll s her eyes)
I... I had plans . Really, I was
planning on c ooking dinner
tomorrow.
JULIE
Give me a break.
TAYLOR
I was. Or I am now. Bring Saracen
here.
JULIE
No way!
TAYLOR
Yes way. If you’re going to date
this guy, hav e him come o ver and do
it proper. That ’s what I did with
your mother.
TAMI
It was ver y romantic.
JULIE
It’s date death! Come on guys.
TAYLOR
We’ll leave you alone after dinner,
honest.
ON Julie, begging h er mother fo r help.
TAMI
I think it’s a good idea, honey.
INT. STREET HOUSE - NIGHT
JASON’S POV as he and his parents sit at the d ining table.
Across from Jaso n is CHRIS S ABLE, a lawyer. 26.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)CHRIS SABLE
Coach Taylor was your quarterback
coach in Pee Wee, correct?
Jason nods.
CHRIS SABL E (CONT’D)
Coach Taylor is currently your
coach?
Jason nods.
CHRIS SABL E (CONT’D)
And is it true that in the entire
time Coach Taylo r has been your
coach, never once did he personally
instruct you on how to tackle?
JASON
He was my qua rterback coach.
CHRIS SABLE
Just answer the question. Please.
Did Coach Taylor ever instruct you on how to tackle?
Jason shakes his head. He watches Sable jo t notes.
JASON
This is about bl aming Coach, isn’t
it?
CHRIS SABLE
It’s not about blaming anyone.
It’s about winni ng a lawsuit.
JASON
(to his parents)
I can’t believe it. You want me to
blame Coach? He’s been l ike, like
family. Dad?
JOANNE STREET
Your dad and I h ave discussed this,
Jason. We’re un ited on this.
MITCHELL STREET
We are not unite d. Stop saying
we’re united. I think Jason’s
right.
(to Sable)
You should pr obably go.27.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)JOANNE STREET
Don’t you dare! This is not a
decision that ju st you make. I
want to know where we’re going to
get the money we need --
MITCHELL STREET
Joanne!
JOANNE STREET
I want to know! Wh ere will we get
the money to take c are of Jason?!
MITCHELL STREET
We’ll get it. But I’m th e head of
this household a nd I’m using my
veto power. Mr. Sable, y ou can go -
JOANNE STREET
Mitchell...
MITCHELL STREET
Now, Mr. Sable.
Sable rises. He drops a card on the table.
CHRIS SABLE
Jason dedicat ed himself to Dillon,
and it’s only fair that Dillon
shoulder i ts share of the economic
burden. Unfortu nately, sometimes
we need the law to make it fair.
Sable EXITS t he house. Mr. Street shuts the door.
JOANNE STREET
That’s just grea t, he came highly
recommended. Go od lawyers don’t
grow on tr ees, you know.
JASON
Lawyers are snakes and
bloodsuckers, mom. We don’t want
to be like them.
JOANNE STREET
Well, we have to be like som ething.
‘Cause, Jason, my darling Jason,
you are cripp led. And we all have
to face up to what that means --28.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)She starts SOBBI NG. Jason attempts to go over, but his
wheelchair ge ts stuck. Frustra tion mounts. M r. Street tries
to comfort Mrs. Street, but she pu shes him away.
JOANNE STREET (CONT’D)
Get off me!
MITCHELL STREET
Come on, hone y, a little faith.
JOANNE STREET
The hell with faith! You and your
faith, your c hurch of footba ll. We
invested everyth ing into your
faith, believed you r dream - our
Jason - would ta ke care of us.
Well, he’s not g oing to, and we
have to ta ke care of him. His
medical bills will never end.
Never!
JASON
Hey, hey...
MITCHELL STREET
We can’t throw away our honor
because we’re scared. We ’re better
than that.
JASON
Mom... Dad...
JOANNE STREET
Someone has to be blamed for this.
Jason’s already paid, football got
what it wante d from him --
JASON
HEY, I’M HERE. STOP TALKING ABOUT
ME!
ANGLE ON Mr. and Mrs. Street, star ing down at Jason.
JOANNE STREET
Screw honor. Sc rew football. I
hate football.
FOLLOW Mrs. S treet as she wa lks to a tro phy on the
mantelpiece. Picks up the trop hy. SMASHES IT.
END OF ACT TWO29.
CONTINUED: (3)ACT THREE
INT. DILLON HIGH - GYMNASIUM - MORNING
Coach Taylor spe aks to players, cheerleaders and students at
a CO-PEP RALLY. Miss Der is of f to his side.
TAYLOR
I know what foot ball means to
Dillon, and I’m here to tell you
that Dillon’s su pport is a key to
why we’re successfu l. This support
binds us togethe r as a community
and as a team. So it’s with that
spirit that I welcome the
cheerleaders to thi s pep rally.
Support those wh o support you!
CHEERS from the audience.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
And may I add th at if sharing the
spotlight means sha ring the stage
with Miss Der, w ell then I don’t
mind sharing the stage at all.
WHOOPS and CATCA LLS from the cr owd. Coach winks at Miss Der,
and laughs. Sud denly, Coach stops laughing --
ANGLE ON Julie, staring at him. Coac h turns a way. FIND
Tami, also staring at him.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
(to himself)
Oh, brother. Uh , Miss Der...
He hands Miss De r the mic. Coach sli nks into the shadows.
MISS DER
Assertion is the ke y to success.
Demand what you deserve. I know
the football team d eserves victory
Friday night. I know how hard
Coach Taylor works the pl ayers, how
hard the players work themselves.
I’m here to t ell you the
cheerleading squ ad will demand
victory on Saturday as well. A
victory that wil l lead to
nationals!
CHEERS from t he cheerleaders.30.
(CONTINUED)MISS DER (CONT’D)
Dillon High has never had dual
championship teams before. Dillon
High is about to!!
The gym ROCKS OUT. Drums beat, feet stomp. S tudents dance.
Several football players deliver cookies to th e cheerleaders,
a reverse kind of Rall y Girl. FIND Tim Riggins scan ning the
crowd, looking for Lyla. But s he’s not there.
CUT TO:
INT. DILLON HIGH - HALLWAY - DAY
Lyla walks do wn the hall. A RELIG IOUS STUDENT remarks --
STUDENT
How come you mis sed the rally?
LYLA
Just didn’t feel up to it.
STUDENT
It’s your gui lt. You’re paying for
your sin.
TAMI (O.S.)
You’re gonna pay for your sin with
a foot up your ass.
PICK UP Tami storming over, glaring. The student leaves.
LYLA
When is th is going to stop?
TAMI
Don’t worry about those jackasses,
sweetie.
ON Lyla, it’s clear that she is wo rrying. Tami p uts her arm
around her. WE FOL LOW as they walk down the hall...
TAMI (CONT’D)
Everyone make s mistakes. As far as
feeling guilt y and taking blame and
abuse - there co mes a point you
just have to say screw ‘em. No
matter what you did . Get back to
living.31.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)LYLA
The problem is I think maybe
everyone is righ t. Maybe I am a
bad person. I don’ t know how Jason
can ever f orgive me.
TAMI
You are not a bad person. You made
a mistake, period. And if you want
Jason to forgive you, you have to
forgive yours elf first.
LYLA
But what I did is really sinful.
In a Biblical way.
TAMI
Honey, God created sin so that we
might know her mercy.
CUT TO:
INT. FIELD HOUSE - BATHROOM STALL - DAY
TIGHT on a NEEDLE, a VIAL. The needle is drawn, INJECTED...
ANGLE ON Smash. Ge tting good at this.
EXT. HERRMANN FIELD - DAY
The football team s crimmages, lined up over the ball on the
twenty yard-line, awaiting Coach’s whistle.
TAYLOR
Dillon has ne ver lost to the Rams.
We will not lose on Friday. You
will dominate yo ur opponent! You
will hit hard, h it harder, t hen hit
even harder stil l. That clear?
THE TEAM
Yes, sir!
Coach WHISTLES. Saracen barks the play. The ball is
snapped, pads PO P! and the line backers BLITZ --
Saracen ducks under them, ro lls to his r ight. Tosses a
teardrop p ass to --
SMASH. The b all drops into Smash’s hands a nd Smash makes for
the endzone w ithout breaking stride. A DEFENDER is down
field, and has a great angle on Smash... 32.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)WIDE as we FOLLO W THE FOOTRA CE, but despite the angle, the
defender can’t gain as Smash kicks it in to an extra gear.
Smash crosses the 5 0, the 40, 30, 20 --
The defender’s a ngle finally intersects, but Smash easily
STIFF-ARMS him aside and skips into the endzone. Spins the
ball on the g round and prances.
SMASH
Who’s the fas test? Who is the
fastest? Say hello to the Smash.
ON THE SIDELINE
MAC nods at Coach, impressed. OFF Coach, sayi ng nothing.
Just taking it all in...
INT. WILLIAMS HOUSE - KIT CHEN - NIGHT
Pre-dinner prep. Sauces sizzle, steam spews. CORRINA is
chopping carrots . Smash peeks int o her gumbo.
CORRINA
What you look ing at, boy?
SMASH
Did you put thos e onions inside?
You know, tho se fancy ones.
CORRINA
Vidalia onion s? Yeah, th ey’re in.
You’re acting strange, Br ian. And
I still don’t un derstand why this
dinner had to happen all of a
sudden.
SMASH
Just a little gi ve back, mom. The
Reverend’s been good to us, it’s
our turn. That’s all.
ON Corrina, she doesn’t buy it. SHEILA enters.
SHEILA
It’s his d aughter. Waver ly. She’s
back at school.
SMASH
It is not Waverly.33.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)CORRINA
Waverly. Now th at makes sense. I
heard she was co ming back. Does
she interest you, Brian?
SMASH
All girls interest me.
CORRINA
Maybe. But I don’t often see you
chasing them.
SMASH
The Smash don’t chase. They come
to me.
Corrina swats Smash in the head.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Hey! Uh, one more thing...
CORRINA
Another ingredie nt I’m missing?
SMASH
Your blouse. Could you change it?
Put on that blue one I like.
OFF Corrina, threat ening Smash with a serving spoon --
The DOORBELL RINGS. Smash opens the door. REVEA L Reverend
Grady and Waverly.
REVEREND GRADY
Hello, Brian. Well hello , Corrina.
The Reverend enters , hugs Corrina. FIND Waver ly in the
doorway, looking at Smash li ke he’s pathetic.
WAVERLY
Having your mother cook dinner.
That’s low.
SMASH
(defensive)
I cooked some, too.
WAVERLY
Yeah, I bet. Okay, score one for
you. But it’s e arly in the game.34.
CONTINUED:INT. WILLIAMS HOUSE - LATER
The dining table is full of food.
REVEREND GRADY
Everything tastes wonderful. I’m
very impre ssed, Corrina.
CORRINA
Don’t be. If Brian had given me a
little more warning --
FIND Smash, s ilently begging his mother. Corrina LAUGHS.
CORRINA (CONT’D)
Actually, when I he ard Waverly was
back at school, it gave me the
excuse I was loo king for.
WAVERLY
Thank you, Mrs. Williams.
CORRINA
You’re welcome. And welcome home.
You were in Ghana, right?
WAVERLY
That’s right.
CORRINA
With a missionary?
Waverly nods uncomfortably.
WAVERLY
Purifying.
REVEREND GRADY
(laughs)
Purifying water and building homes.
Real important w ork. Say, Brian,
Waverly is going to take an SAT
course. Maybe you could advise
her?
SMASH
Uh. Sure. Love to.
SHEILA
Didn’t your course end last Friday?35.
(CONTINUED)SMASH
I extended it. Extra lessons.
He smiles at Sheila . She sarcasti cally smiles back.
CORRINA
Extra lessons can’t hurt. Playing
football’s not forever, but an
education - t hat stays.
REVEREND GRADY
Amen, sister.
SMASH
Football’s stayi ng for me, mom.
CORRINA
I hope so. But I’ll be a very
proud mom when my boy gets his
college degree.
SMASH
And I’ll be a very proud son.
Corrina smiles. OFF Waverly, c ocking her head . Skeptical.
INT. TAYLOR HOUSE - NIGHT
Coach, Tami, Julie and Matt Saracen eat din ner. No one says
a word. E xtremely awkward.
JULIE
Okay, that’s eno ugh. TV time.
Julie stands, motions to Saracen.
SARACEN
Thank you, ma’am . Dinner was
really good.
Tami smiles. Julie pulls Sa racen away. OFF Coach, not even
knowing wh at to think...
INT. WILLIAMS KITCHEN - NIGHT
Smash washes dishes. Wav erly dries.
SMASH
You coming to th e game Friday
night?36.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)WAVERLY
Why? You going to trick me into it
if I say no?
SMASH
Maybe. See, Smash don’t accept no.
WAVERLY
You’ll have to t his time. And
what’s with you calling yourself
“the Smash”? You always talk in
the third person?
SMASH
The Smash stands for me, my mom,
and my sisters. Wh en I succeed, we
all succeed. Team Smash.
(beat)
Forget the ga me. Would you go out
with me af ter? Please.
Waverly smiles. Walks out of the room.
SMASH (CONT’D)
What?! What was that? Don’t think
it’s over, girl. The Smash don’t
quit. The Smash don’t lose. You
know what makes a champion a
champion? Th e refusal to lose.
That’s why I’m a champion. I
refuse to quit.
INT. TAYLOR HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Julie and Sarace n sit on the co uch watching “The Office.”
Saracen’s arm is on the back of the couch, inches from
Julie’s shoulder . Julie laughs at something on the TV, and
Saracen laughs, too, but the tr uth is that Saracen’s arm
aches and all he’s thinking about is put ting his arm around
her. PRELAP...
TAYLOR (V.O.)
Why the hell is he still here?
INT. TAYLOR HOUSE - UP STAIRS HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS
Coach stares dow n the steps. Tami is in side the room.
TAMI
Relax. 37.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)TAYLOR
If she gets p regnant, we’ll be
raising anoth er child. You realize
that?
TAMI
Re-lax. Isn’t t hat what you told
me? To calm down.
TAYLOR
Yeah, but Sarace n’s changing.
Being starting quarterback on a
winning team will do that. He’s
getting th at swagger.
TAMI
I remember when you had that
swagger. God, it was like
yesterday that we w ere their age.
Now we’re the gu ardians. Yikes.
TAYLOR
You feeling old?
TAMI
Not when I ’m with you.
They kiss. T ami pulls him i nside, the years peeling away as
they kiss with more urgency. Suddenly, Coach breaks away --
TAYLOR
He’s all over her. I can smell it.
And before Tami can react, Coach B URSTS out th e door...
INT. TAYLOR HOUSE - LI VING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Matt’s arm is just about on Julie’ s shoulder. He lowers it,
lowers it, wo rking by millimete r. Finally he makes contact.
Freezes for a reaction . But Julie seems cool, so he settles
in. Julie sn uggles to Sarac en and pulls a blanket around
them.
BAM! The door o pens. REVEA L Coach.
TAYLOR
Party’s over!
Saracen bolts up. Julie stares at her dad in horror. Coach
realizes he just made a big mistake.38.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Uh, I mean, it’s getting late.
Don’t you have a game?
SARACEN
Yes, sir.
TAYLOR
Well, fini sh up.
ON Julie, pissed, b ut Coach is still reluctant to leave. He
snatches the bla nket covering J ulie and Saracen.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
That’s my blanket! I was looking
for it. Gets cold upstairs.
OFF Julie, swear ing never to bring home anothe r date...
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - NIGHT
Jason strums a guitar, or rather is trying to. His
coordination is for shit, and h e’s frustrated. A FLY buzzes
Jason’s head, in and out. Jason tries to swat it, but misses
by a mile. The fly dive bombs again, Jason a sittin g target.
Jason SPINS his wheelchair, des perate to get away.
JASON
Get off me!
He stops. REVEA L TIM RIGGINS watc hing from the other side of
the screen door.
RIGGINS
Hi.
BACK TO Jason: he just stares.
RIGGINS (CONT’D)
Can I come in? I’ve got to tell
you something.
Jason slowly nods. Tim h esitates.
RIGGINS (CONT’D)
You gonna hit me again?
JASON
I might.
(beat, then)
What do you h ave to tell me?39.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)Tim cautiousl y enters.
RIGGINS
It’s about Lyla.
JASON
That’s a b ad subject.
RIGGINS
I know, and man, I’m really sorry.
I’’m not m aking excuses or nothing,
it’s just tha t Lyla -
(takes a breath)
She loves you. She ’s always loved
you. Was never any quest ion about
that.
JASON
Odd how she s lept with you when she
loves me so much.
RIGGINS
It was never about me. She just -
freaked. And I guess I’m the one
to blame. I took advantage.
OFF Jason, not sure what to mak e of this.
JASON
Fine. You told me. See you
‘round.
RIGGINS
Yeah. I guess.
Tim stands. THE FLY circles th e room, then BUZZES Jason.
Jason shakes his head in frustrati on, but the fly refuses to
leave, as if the fl y knows Jason’s limits by now.
WHAP! Tim nails the fly with a ro lled up magazine.
JASON
Oh, man. You sm ooshed it against
our team photo.
CLOSE ON smud ge across the P anther team photo.
RIGGINS
Sorry.
They both LAUGH. Tim glances around the room.40.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)RIGGINS (CONT’D)
Doesn’t th is stuff depres s you?
JASON
Hells, yeah.
RIGGINS
It’s like a museum.
JASON
The Jason Street pre-paralyzed
museum. Whee lchair accessible.
RIGGINS
You charge admission?
JASON
I should. I am a big financial
drain, you know.
(then)
Would you do me a favor? Help me
get this shit down. I think I need
a new hobby.
Tim nods. Li fts a trophy.
RIGGINS
Hey, this is mine.
JASON
What are you talking about?
RIGGINS
This was for first place in the
run, pass and kick contest. I
think we were ten. I beat you.
JASON
I don’t think so.
RIGGINS
I know so. Was the only time I
won.
JASON
If you won, why do I have the
trophy?
OFF this...
END OF ACT THREE41.
CONTINUED: (2)ACT FOUR
INT. DILLON H IGH - TAMI’S OFFICE - DAY
Pam Garrity, her bi g hair perfectly coiffed and dressed sharp
in a suit and heels, talks to Tami. Tami is in jeans. She’s
got her hair in a ponytail.
TAMI
You want Lyla ’s transcripts?
PAM
That’s right. We’re placing her in
the Hawthorne Academy for Girls.
It’s a goo d school.
TAMI
The best all- girl school in Texas.
But why? Because of what happened
with Tim Riggins?
Pam clearly does n’t want to tal k about it.
TAMI (CONT’D)
Pam, this is 2006. Don’t send Lyla
to a nunnery. D on’t buy int o such
a double standar d. No one’s
hassling T im Riggins; why make Lyla
take the fall?
PAM
Don’t play ideologist for me, okay?
I didn’t make the world, but I know
that God did, and that God’s a man.
The world is differ ent for girls.
TAMI
Not if we fight that thought.
PAM
Let some other g irl’s mother fight
that fight. I for one will not
stand by and let my baby be called
a slut every day ‘til she
graduates. She’ s already been
pressured to quit the cheerleading
squad.
TAMI
But that’s my po int. Let her
cheerlead, te ll her not to quit. 42.
(CONTINUED)PAM
You think I don’t want her to
cheerlead? Who do you think has
driven Lyla all ove r Texas for the
greater part of her life in pursuit
of this dream? Do you know how big
Texas is?
TAMI
Big.
PAM
Very big.
TAMI
I know you’re doing what you think
is right. It’s just, well, I think
Lyla’s really special. I think
you’re undere stimating he r. She’s
so much more tha n a cheerleader.
PAM
Watch your words , honey. I know
you think cheerlead ing is silly,
but if you really k new Lyla, you’d
know it’s eve rything to her. It
makes her part of something. Lyla
likes to be l iked. Now, can I
please have t he transcripts?
Tami pulls out a file.
TAMI
The need to be l iked - the female
disease. I say it’ s time for women
to stop being so nice and time for
us to rule the world. Ma ybe then
we’d get thin gs accomplished.
PAM
Please. Tami Taylor, you talk
feisty femini sm, but if I recall
correctly you dropped eve rything in
your world to become a part of
Eric’s. You put aside your
impressive education a nd had his
baby. Truth is, you’re no
different than a nyone else ‘round
here.
OFF Tami, stabbed w ith some truth...43.
CONTINUED:INT. DILLON HIGH - AUDITORIUM - DAY
Coach is back stage with Julie after her dance recital. Julie
is in a leotard.
TAYLOR
I’m sorry about las t night. I
know, I’m an idiot. But Julie,
it’s just, just - I know you’re
maturing into a beautiful young
lady, but to me you ’re my little
girl, and I just go primal.
JULIE
Because of Matt?
TAYLOR
Because of gu ys in general.
Jesus...
ANGLE ON OTHER DANC ERS parading by , all in leotar ds, all in
the blossoming s tage of adolesc ence. Julie gi ves him a kiss.
JULIE
Thanks, dad. I appreciate that.
I’m proud of how you’re maturing,
too.
CUT TO:
INT. FIELD HO USE - TAYLOR’S OFF ICE - AFTERNOON
Coach tosses a p acket onto a pile in front of Saracen.
TAYLOR
And this is the defensive playbook
of the Texas Longho rns. Know them
by Monday.
SARACEN
Monday?
CLOSE ON a pi le of playbooks. A foot high.
TAYLOR
Yeah, I know it’s a lot, but you
got to get it done.
SARACEN
I... had plans.
ON Coach, he doesn’t w ant to he ar about it.44.
(CONTINUED)SARACEN (CONT’D)
With your dau ghter. Is that what
this is about , sir? W ith all due
respect.
Coach gets in Saracen’s face.
TAYLOR
With all due respect , you and I
have to keep my daughter out of
this. But hear this: I love my
daughter, and I am a man, and I was
once a boy. Understood?
SARACEN
Yes, sir.
Coach backs away.
TAYLOR
But this is about football. About
the Panthers winnin g State. I’m
not treating you any differently
then I would any starting
quarterback. Glory co mes with a
price, son. Mem orize those plays.
OFF Saracen’s look...
INT. GARRITY HOU SE - AFTERNOON
Lyla’s at the di ning room table with her paren ts, a brochure
for the Hawthorn e Academy for Girls s pread open on the table.
PAM
This isn’t pu nishment. T his is the
best education y ou can get, without
all these small town distractions.
They have a c heerleading squad.
LYLA
An all-girl school?
BUDDY
I hear those are wildest.
LYLA
Dad? You want to send me away
because of what I did? Dad ?
FIND Buddy, he can’t look her in the eye.45.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)PAM
Sweetie, we’re trying to protect
you. See, when I was a s ophomore,
there was thi s girl, Mari on. She
went to a party, got drunk, ended
up in a - well, I m ight as well say
it, you’re al l grown up - she ended
up in a three-way with two boys.
Lyla does not want to hear abou t three-ways fr om her mother.
PAM (CONT’D)
The boys become her oes, and Marion?
We all made her lif e a living hell.
Even me. Every day she slouched
lower in her sea t, looked a little
more dead behind the eyes.
LYLA
I don’t want to leave. The
tournament is Saturday.
PAM
You said Miss Der asked you to step
down.
LYLA
She told me to consider it.
PAM
You should step dow n. Honey, it’s
best for everyone.
LYLA
I don’t want to qui t cheerleading.
It’s all I’ve got now.
ON Lyla as she s tands, tears rolling.
LYLA (CONT’D)
And I don’t want to go to another
school. If I embarrass you too
much, then, then I’ll move out.
You won’t have to worry.
BUDDY
Baby!
But Lyla is out the front door.
CUT TO:46.
CONTINUED:EXT. DILLON - MA IN STREET - DUSK
Main Street is c rowded with ped estrians. B USINESSMEN get
their shoes shined.
EXT. GRADY HOUSE - NIGHT
Smash stan ds below Waverl y’s window.
SMASH
I’m not leaving unt il you agree to
go out with me t onight. Get some
pizza, ice cream, what ever. But
I’m not leaving ‘ti ll you say yes.
ON Waverly, standing at t he window. She doesn’t flinch.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Think about what you’re doin g. I’m
the Panthers’ star player . We lose
this game, goodb ye State. The
entire town of Dillon will be
devastated, a nd it will be all your
fault. All beca use you wouldn’t
agree to one simple date. We don’t
even have to cal l it a date.
Waverly tu rns inside.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Whoa! Where you going!! I’m
warning you, you can’t bluff the
Smash! Waverly?
INT. GRADY HO USE - WAVERLY’S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The Reverend is inside the room. Waverl y rolls her eyes.
WAVERLY
That boy doesn’t know when to quit.
REVEREND GRADY
Why don’t you go ? Wouldn’t hurt.
WAVERLY
Dad. I’m just easing back into
things.
REVEREND GRADY
If he gets aggre ssive - I’ll kill
him. But Smash is a nice boy. And 47.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)it would be good for the tea m. For
Dillon.
Waverly LAUGH S. She love s her dad.
EXT. GRADY HO USE - CONTINUOUS
Smash talks to himself, puzzled.
SMASH
Now what, Smash? You really gonna
skip the game ? For a girl?
He toughens up. Then looks at his wa tch. Glances at
Waverly’s window. Panic. But Waverly appears.
WAVERLY
Okay, I’ll go. For Dillon’s sake.
Smash flashes his m illion dolla r smile.
SMASH
Sweet. Pick you up after the game.
He turns from the window, start s on a slow run.
SMASH (CONT’D)
The Smash don’t los e. The Smash
don’t lose.
STAY WITH Smash, running toward the Friday Night Lights.
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. HERRMANN FIELD - NIGHT
The Friday Night Lights illuminate the pack ed stands. WE
PUSH into the stadium, then UNDERNEATH --
INT. FIELD HOUSE - LOCKER ROOM - PRE GAME - NIGHT
A PLAYER tapes his foot. ANOTHER tightens his cleats. The
floor is littered w ith Red Bulls. FI ND Riggins, tap ping his
foot, a reservoir of restless energy. A ngry energy. FIND
Smash, strutting the room.
SMASH
The talking is d one. Make no
mistake - we are going into a
fistfight.
RIGGINS
I love a good fistfight.48.
CONTINUED:
REVEREND GRADY (CONT'D)
(CONTINUED)ANGLE ON Tim, HO WLING. The team HOWLS with him.
SMASH
Football is our life! Football is
our passion! The Panthers will
shine. It’s God given! Do we have
the fire in the belly?
Smash holds up an “A” for at titude. The team responds in
kind. PICK UP C oach, entering the room. S mash SHOUTS...
SMASH (CONT’D)
Clear eyes!
RIGGINS
Full hearts!
THE TEAM
CAN’T LOSE!!
The team starts bum ping chests, the energy level rising,
warriors about to b attle. FIND Smash, super amped. FIND
Coach, clocking Sma sh. But then Coac h turns to Mac --
TAYLOR
Unleash th e monsters.
OFF the team running out of the locker room, each player
tapping the Jaso n Street jersey pi nned to the wall.
PRELAP...
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
It’s a cool, crisp Friday Night as
the Rams kickoff...
EXT. HERRMANN STADIUM - NIGHT
Postcard p retty as Sammy Meade calls it.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
Smash receives it at the five.
Brings it up nic ely to the twenty.
Cuts inside - whoa, he’s got
daylight!
EXT. DILLON MAIN STREET - CONTINUOUS
The shoeshine st and is empty as Ma in Street is deserted.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
At the thirty, the forty, the
fifty... yes siree, on the first 49.
CONTINUED:
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)play Smash Williams is taking it
all the way. How do y ou like that?
DISSOLVE TO:
EXT. YMCA - NIGHT
The YMCA’s sign reads: We baby-sit fo r home games.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
Riggins up the middle - TOUCHDOWN!
DISSOLVE TO:
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - NIGHT
Jason sits alone , listening to the game on the radio.
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.)
Saracen throws... s core! The clock
runs out, and thank the Lord. I
mean, how sacrif icial do you want
the Rams to be? 45-7 is the final
tally, Ladies and Gent lemen, and
yes, you hear d that right. 45-7.
Jason clicks off the radio.
CUT TO:
EXT. DILLON - MA IN STREET - NIGHT
Cars HONK and pe ople dance as Dillon celebrates.
INT. ALAMO FREEZE - NIGHT
Smash buys Waver ly ice cream. The CLERK gushes.
CLERK
On the house.
FOLLOW Smash and Waverly as they t ake their cones and head
outside. A P ATRON slaps Smash on the back.
PATRON
Way to go, Smash. You looked great
tonight. A t horoughbred.
Smash accepts the p raise and winces at t he slight. The local
celebrity leads his date outside.
STAY WITH THEM as Smash and Wav erly stroll dow n a street.
Smash nods to co ngratulatory fans. 50.
CONTINUED:
SAMMY MEADE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
(CONTINUED)WAVERLY
You’re quite a hit around here.
SMASH
Yeah, Dillon loves the Sm ash. When
I perform.
They sit on a bench.
SMASH (CONT’D)
But I love football.
WAVERLY
Why?
SMASH
Equal playing fi eld down there.
ON Waverly, smiling , despite herself.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Hey, look at tha t, the Reverend’s
daughter has a tattoo...
Smash peels W averly’s collar ba ck from her should er. REVEAL
a tattoo of an ancient symbol.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Cool. What’s it mean?
WAVERLY
Oh, I neve r tell.
(beat, then)
Does the tattoo excite you? Or
does dating the Reverend’s daughter
excite you?
SMASH
You excite me.
Smash feels t he moment, leans in, but Waver ly leans back.
Not so fast.
SMASH (CONT’D)
Yeah, you’re dif ferent. That’s
cool. Lots of r umors ‘bout why you
left school, but I know it must
have been for a good reason.
Ghana, huh? What do they speak
there, Ghananese?
Smash laughs, but W averly doesn ’t answer.51.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)SMASH (CONT’D)
Seriously, how do you say “I like
you” in Ghana?
WAVERLY
(she has no idea)
It’s not an e xpression they use.
SMASH
That doesn ’t sound like a friendly
people. But the y seemed pretty
friendly at the World Cup. Was
being there duri ng World Cup cool?
WAVERLY
It was no big deal.
SMASH
No big deal! I heard there were
parties in the street when they
made the quarter finals. You sure
you were in Ghana?
Waverly’s eyes w iden. But it’s not Smash’s words that have
shocked her - his n ose is BLEEDING . Gushing down his face.
LATER
Smash’s letterman j acket is balled up on Waver ly’s lap.
Smash lays his h ead on it as he pinches a napk in to his nose.
SMASH
No big deal.
WAVERLY
Your nose bleed a lot?
SMASH
No. Just lately.
WAVERLY
Lately? Y ou know why?
SMASH
Yeah. I think.
WAVERLY
You want to tell me?
SMASH
No.52.
CONTINUED: (2)
(CONTINUED)WAVERLY
You want to tell me about that SAT
class. I checked - I know you’re
not taking it.
SMASH
You want to tell me where you been
the last year? I know it wasn’t
Ghana.
Waverly doesn ’t argue. A beat, then...
WAVERLY
Have you ever just been blue?
INT. STREET HOUSE - JASON’S ROOM - NIGHT
Jason strums his guitar, his in ability to coordinate chords
producing a sorr owful sound. T here’s a KNOCK. Jason opens
the door --
REVEAL Lyla. Jason starts to s hut the door...
LYLA
Don’t! I need to speak to you.
Jason hesitates, but Lyla enters. She’s angry.
LYLA (CONT’D)
Look at me! Can ’t you even look at
me?!
(Jason does)
I made a mistake. By far the worst
mistake of my li fe, in fact, when
you think about it, aside from the
time I stole a l ipstick in the
seventh grade at Walmart it was
practically my only mistake. I
admit it was a big one, but there
is no manual on how to act when
your boyfriend b ecomes pa ralyzed.
This is hard for me, too.
JASON
You need a manual to tell you that
sleeping with yo ur boyfriend’s best
friend isn’t cool? I don’t think
so.
Jason spins his chair into a wall as he gets emotional.53.
CONTINUED:
(CONTINUED)LYLA
I wish I could take it back, I wish
I could. But I can’t. You know,
it was our dream that got shattered
when you g ot hurt. Our dream. I
was alone. I was scared.
JASON
So you slept with h im? I don’t get
it.
LYLA
I don’t either. Bu t I do get that
I love you. Now more than ever.
(beat)
I was so sad, su re the dream was
gone, trying to pretend it wasn’t.
But then it over whelmed me, and I
let it. But I d on’t believe our
dream has to be gon e. I believe in
Jason Street and Lyla Garrity.
Lyla cries. Jas on is crying, too.
JASON
I used to believe in us, but now I
don’t know. God Lyla, you are so
beautiful. I ju st don’t know if I
can forgive you.
LYLA
I wish you could. I’ll never stop
loving you, Jason. An d not the
star quarterback , and not the
paraplegic, b ut you, Jason Street.
And I miss you. I miss my best
friend. I’d do anything to win you
back. You’re al l I ever wanted.
ON Jason, he turns away. Holds up a hand. Enough . Lyla
hesitates, then EXITS the room.
END OF ACT FOUR54.
CONTINUED:ACT FIVE
EXT. HERRMANN STADIUM - MORNING
ESTABLISH the Am erican, Texas, and Dillon Panther flags
flapping in the win d. TICKET LINES c ircle the st adium.
YOUNG GIRLS d ressed in homemade skirts wave pom-poms as
cheerleading squads unload from buses in the parking lot.
INT. GARRITY CAR - MORNING
Buddy pulls into the parking lot, Pam in th e passenger seat,
BUDDY JR. and TA BBY in the back . Lyla is not in the car.
EXT. HERRMANN FIELD - DAY
Fans mill as a crazy PANTHER LADY (70), all decked out in
every imaginable type of Dillon Panth er paraphernalia, is
chasing Landry for some unknown reason. Landry is trying to
maintain his dignity, but he’s failing.
FIND Coach pu shing through a throng of people, politely
smiling as ev eryone congratulat es him on last night’s game.
FIND Smash, s urrounded by ad mirers. Smash is firing off one-
handed pushups.
SMASH
I am a machine. But a thinking
machine, and a machine wi th heart.
TAYLOR
That machine sounds like a person.
The Smash admirers LAU GH. Coach moti ons Smash aside.
TAYLOR (CONT’D)
Good game last night.
SMASH
Thanks.
TAYLOR
You’re feeling g ood, huh?
Physically?
SMASH
Never felt better.
TAYLOR
I mean, ‘caus e you were really good
last night. Ran over that defender 55.
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)like he was a bowling pin. You
doing anythin g different?
A long beat.
SMASH
Yeah. Eating be tter, gettin g more
rest. All that stuff you preach.
Smash flashes his m illion dollar grin. But Coach doesn’t
really buy it.
TAYLOR
Okay, son. Keep up the good work.
CUT TO:
INT. HERRMANN STADIUM - B ATHROOM - DAY
Coach is at a ur inal, Buddy at the on e next to him.
BUDDY
Good game last night. Well
coached.
TAYLOR
Thanks, Buddy. The boys were
really firing on all cylinders.
BUDDY
That they were. Listen, I know
you’ve been Jason Stre et’s coach
for years, and t hat you’re Tim
Riggins’ coac h, and how close you
all are. And I jus t want to say
I’m sorry for this whole mess with
Lyla. I’m really sorry.
A beat.
TAYLOR
I may be their coach, but I’m
Julie’s father. I understand
having a teen da ughter. I think
the hardest p art is accep ting that
our girls, are g irls. On the
fasttrack to bec oming ladies.
OFF Buddy, touched...56.
CONTINUED:
TAYLOR (CONT'D)EXT. HERRMANN STADIUM - B LEACHERS - DAY
Tami sits in the bleachers. Sh e sees Coach carrying a tray
with Cokes, popc orn, pretzels... Waves him over.
TAYLOR
Good seats. Where’s Julie?
TAMI
She was here, but got a call from
Matt Saracen. Something about him
having to study pla ys, and he
couldn’t make it. So she ended up
going there.
TAYLOR
She went there?
TAMI
Eric, Julie know s every play
Saracen has to memorize. She’s
helping him.
Coach buries his head in his arms.
TAMI (CONT’D)
Only thing you c ould do now is make
it worse. Push her, you’ll lose
her. Tell me I’m wrong.
Coach can’t. But OFF him feeling lousy...
INT. FIELD HO USE - GIRLS LOCKER ROOM - DAY
The cheerleaders, in various stages of dress, ready
themselves. Legs a re taped, limbs st retched. Also hair
spray and make-u p applied. Bei ng pretty does scores points.
PICK UP Ly la as she enter s. Silence.
LYLA
I’m here to comp ete. To win. I
want in, and I swear I’m ready. I
swear I’ll be focused. But, if I
don’t have your support, if I don’t
have your faith - I won’t do it.
Lyla looks at Miss Der, then at the girls. OF F the girls... 57.EXT. HERMANN FIELD - DAY
MAYOR RODELL and other Dillon notables are with REVEREND
LOCKE as he leads the stadium in prayer.
REVEREND LOCKE
...and may Go d bless us, let us be
ourselves, and let us part as
friends. Amen.
THE STADIUM
Amen.
MAYOR RODELL
Alright! Ladies and Gentlemen,
girls and boys, wel come to the 2006
Southwest Cheerlead ing Regionals!!
The stadium rock s with CHEERS. The various squads run onto
the field. P RELAP the NATIO NAL ANTHEM...
DISSOLVE TO:
The spectators’ pat riotism is palpable as the NATION AL ANTHEM
plays. REVEAL L yla at the head of the P anther Squad.
THE ANTHEM (V.O.)
...Oh say does t hat star spangled
banner yet wave...
FIND Jason Street as he w heels into the sta dium, unseen.
THE ANTHEM (V .O.) (CONT’D)
O’er the land of the free, and the
home of th e brave...
The anthem ends. Red, white an d blue BALLOONS are released
into the air. It’s showtime.
EXT. HERRMANN FIELD - LATER
THEME MUSIC UP as the Panthers perform. ON Lyla lea ding her
squad as they tumble in sync, forming a pyramid. Lyla vaults
up, Brittany supports her. The pyramid moves, Ly la readies
her dismount -- The MUSIC CUTS O UT, the sound system dead. We hear GASPS
from the crow d, confusion among the girls.
ANGLE ON Lyla, s till precarious ly balanced on top of the
pyramid. 58.
(CONTINUED)LYLA
Hold it toget her! Let’s keep
moving, COUNT ING OFF: 1 a nd 2 and 1
and 2; 1 and 2 and 1 and 2...
The squad moves, Lyla keeping count. Then the spectators
start CLAPPING, and soon the en tire stadium maintains the
beat.
The squad completes its routine, climaxed by Lyla’s twisting
dismount. She sticks her landing.
The stadium T HUNDERS, everyone to their feet. FIND Buddy and
Pam. ANGLE ON P am as she shares a mo ment with TAMI.
BACK TO Lyla, taking it all in, her game face still on.
Telling us th at she’s here, she’s not moving, and anybody who
has a problem wi th it can go strai ght to hell.
REVEAL Tim Riggi ns, also on his feet, clapping with gusto.
Then Tim sees Jason Street...JASON’S POVA cheering crowd, s omething he’s s een before, but never from
this perspective. Cheering for Ly la. For his Lyla.
LYLA’S POVShe locks eyes w ith Jason. See s him smile. A sign of hope?
HARD TO BLACK:
END OF EPISODE59.
CONTINUED: | screenplays |
in current molecular biology textbooks , initial dna packaging and organization into a chromosome or nucleus is often depicted as shown in figure 1 ( e.g. , ref . 1 ) .
( beads - on - a - string ) , followed by nucleosome folding into a 30-nm chromatin fiber ( e.g. , refs . 25 ) .
the famous " hierarchical helical folding " model asserts that the 30-nm chromatin fiber is folded progressively into larger fibers ( i.e. , ~100-nm and then ~200-nm fibers ) to form the final mitotic chromosomes .
, a long dna molecule is wrapped around a basic core histone octamer that consists of h2a , h2b , h3 and h4 histone proteins , and forms a nucleosome with a diameter of 11 nm .
the nucleosome has long been assumed to be folded into 30-nm chromatin fibers before the higher - order organization of mitotic chromosomes or interphase nuclei occurs .
we show a typical one - start helix model between two well - known structural models for 30-nm chromatin fibers : one - start helix ( solenoid ) and two - start helix ( zigzag ) .
the images are reproduced with minor modifications fromreference 60 with permission from elsevier . to visualize mitotic chromosomes in a close - to - intact state
, we performed cryoelectron microscopy ( cryo - em ) , in collaboration with eltsov , frangakis and dubochet .
for cryo - em , mitotic hela cells were collected and frozen by high - pressure freezing .
cryo - em and subsequent computational image processing did not reveal 30-nm chromatin structures in the mitotic chromosomes , but rather a uniform disordered texture , strongly arguing against the current established hypothesis(also see refs .
however , cryo - em observations were limited to examining a portion of a chromosome because the section thickness was only ~70 nm , which may have prevented observation of hierarchical regular structures in the chromosomes .
to investigate the bulk structure of mitotic chromosomes in solution , we performed small - angle x - ray scattering ( saxs ) .
when x - rays are used to irradiate non - crystalline materials , scattering at small angles generally reveals periodic structures within samples ( fig .
14 ) . a typical scattering pattern of saxs composed of concentric rings is shown in figure 2c .
the signals at smaller angles ( closer to the center ) reflect larger periodic structures and vice versa .
( a ) when non - crystal materials are irradiated with x - rays , small - angle scattering generally reflects the size and spacing of internal structures . ( b )
experimental setting : a chromosome pellet in a quartz capillary tube was exposed to a synchrotron x - ray beam and the scattering patterns were recorded with a ccd camera or imaging plate .
the signals at smaller scattering angles [ smaller size of the scattering vector ( s ) closer to the center ] reflect larger periodic structures and vice versa . in figure 3 , the singles on the concentric rings are averaged and shown in a one - dimensional plot .
the size of the scattering vector is defined by s = 2sin()/ , where is the wavelength and 2 is the scattering angle .
a periodic length is given by the inverse of s. thus , " 30-nm peak " refers to a scattering peak at s = 0.033 nm .
( d ) chromosomes consist of irregularly folded nucleosome ( beads on a string ) fibers .
condensins ( blue ) hold the nucleosome fibers ( red ) globally around the chromosome center .
locally , the nucleosome fiber is folded in an irregular or disordered manner , forming loop structures that are collapsed toward the chromosome center ( blue ) .
the collapsed fiber ( red ) forms a domain that could be compatible with the large module observed by the belmont group . at the spring-8 synchrotron radiation facility in japan ,
isolated human chromosomes at the bottom of a glass capillary were exposed to a synchrotron x - ray beam and the scattering patterns were recorded ( fig .
note that the chromosomes were not fixed or dehydrated to avoid possible artifacts caused by such treatments .
the typical scattering pattern of mitotic chromosomes showed three peaks at 6 , 11 and 30 nm , consistent with previous experiments by langmore and paulson .
the 6- and 11-nm peaks are believed to come from edge - to - edge and face - to - face positioning of nucleosomes , respectively .
the 30-nm peak is assumed to represent the side - by - side packing of 30-nm chromatin fibers , which has long been regarded as strong evidence for the existence of these fibers in chromosomes .
however , based on cryo - em , these 30-nm structures are not apparent in mitotic chromosomes .
to examine the nature of the 30-nm peak observed by saxs , the isolated chromosomes were examined by cryo - em .
however , the cryo - em images unexpectedly showed that the chromosome surface was coated with electron - dense granules the size of ribosomes .
western blotting and immunostaining with specific antibodies confirmed that there were contaminating ribosomes on the chromosome surface .
we removed the ribosomes from the chromosome surface by washing with an isotonic buffer containing polyamine and edta ( buffer a ; see refs .
19 , 21 and 22 ) , while maintaining the size and shape of the chromosomes .
strikingly , in the chromosomes , no 30-nm peaks were detected by saxs , although other peaks coming from an internal structure of nucleosomes remained .
previous reports have suggested that chicken erythrocyte nuclei , which are almost completely transcriptionally silenced , contain 30-nm chromatin fibers ; therefore , these were used as positive controls .
saxs and cryo - em analyses demonstrated 30-nm chromatin fiber structures in chicken erythrocyte nuclei , which lacked ribosomes .
therefore , we should have detected 30-nm fibers in the human mitotic chromosomes if they were present .
we concluded from the combined saxs and cryo - em data that regularly folded 30-nm chromatin fibers are not present in human mitotic chromosomes .
next , we investigated an entire region of mitotic chromosomes using a newly developed apparatus for ultrasmall - angle x - ray scattering ( usaxs ) .
the cryo - em , saxs and usaxs data collectively indicate that irregular folding of nucleosome fibers is the bulk structure of human mitotic chromosomes .
we then considered how the nucleosome fiber is organized into a mitotic chromosome . because condensin and topoisomerase ii , which are essential for chromosome condensation , form an axis in the chromosome ( fig .
2d ) , we assumed that they globally secure the nucleosome fibers around the chromosomal center .
locally , a nucleosome fiber is folded in an irregular manner toward the chromosome center ( fig .
in addition , a genomic site is rather randomly incorporated into a wide , but not reproducibly specific , region in the chromosome during the condensation process .
this view is consistent with the observation by the belmont group that three - dimensional positions of gfp - labeled genomic loci showed intrinsic variability between sister chromatids in the chromosome .
to examine the bulk periodic structure of interphase chromatin , we next focused on interphase nuclei of hela cells .
langmore and paulson reported saxs peaks at ~30 , ~11 and ~6 nm in the nuclei of hela cells or mouse lymphocytes .
these authors suggested that the 30-nm peak represents the side - by - side packing of 30-nm chromatin fibers , and this has long been considered strong evidence for the existence of these fibers in interphase chromatin .
consistent with their data , we also detected similar peaks at ~30 , ~11 and ~6 nm in the hela nuclei , which were isolated using their procedure ( fig .
3a ) . because we detected ribosome components in the nuclei sample by western blotting ( fig .
3b ) , in analogy with the case of the mitotic chromosomes , we again removed them by washing the nuclei with buffer a. this treatment removed most of the ribosome aggregates from the nuclear fractions ( fig .
3b ) . as expected , the 30-nm peak in the saxs pattern disappeared almost completely ( fig .
note that the remaining peaks at larger angles , which came mainly from the internal structures of the nucleosomes , were unchanged ( fig .
similar to the case for mitotic chromosomes , the scattering profile of interphase chromatin also showed that the ~6-nm peak ( face - to - face positioning ) predominated over the ~11-nm peak ( edge - to - edge positioning ) ( fig .
as formation of the 30-nm chromatin fiber requires similar frequencies of face - to - face ( ~6-nm peak ) and edge - to - edge ( ~11-nm peak ) positioning , the scattering profile in figure 3c also supports the near absence of regular 30-nm chromatin fibers in interphase chromatins .
( a ) saxs profile of hela interphase nuclei , which were isolated using the langmore and paulson procedure .
three peaks at ~6 , ~11 ( faint ) and ~30 nm were detected ( arrows ) . in the plot of log(i s ) vs. s , i is the measured average intensity and s is the size of the scattering vector , the inverse of the structure size or spacing ( for details , see ref . 15 ) .
the 6- and 11-nm peaks are thought to come from edge - to - edge and face - to - face positioning of the nucleosomes , respectively .
the 30-nm peak was assumed to represent the side - by - side packing of 30-nm chromatin fibers .
( b ) the presence and removal of ribosomes in the hela interphase nuclei were verified by western blotting .
nuclear lysates of ~2 10 , 1 10 , and 5 10 cells were loaded into lanes 13 , respectively .
ribosomal p - protein and histone h2b ( control ) and histone h3 ( control ) were detected using specific antibodies ( h2b , upstate 07371 ; h3 abcom ab1791 ) .
p - protein was detected in the original nuclei , but much less in the nuclei after washing , whereas histones h2b and h3 were similarly observed in both nuclei .
( c ) only the 30-nm peak disappeared after removal of ribosome aggregates , whereas the other peaks remained .
consistent with our finding , interphase nuclei in most higher eukaryote cell types examined by cryo - em reportedly contain no regular 30-nm chromatin fiber ( e.g. , refs . 16 , 34 and 35 ) . using a combination of a chromosome conformation capture ( 3c ) technique and polymer modeling , dekker also found that the chromatin in a transcriptionally active domain in yeast did not form a compact 30-nm fiber , but instead was extended with a rather loose arrangement of nucleosomes .
more recently , the bazett - jones group made a similar observation by electron - spectroscopic imaging ( esi ) , providing phosphorus and nitrogen mapping with sufficient contrast and resolution to visualize 10-nm nucleosome fibers .
although the cryo - em and esi , which are both em - based methods , examine only a limited portion of nuclei , our saxs study corroborates the notion that 30-nm chromatin fibers are absent in interphase chromatin
. furthermore , using the usaxs apparatus , we observed no periodic structures in the interphase chromatins in the range between ~50 and ~1,000 nm ( fig .
, we suggest that the bulk interphase chromatin also consists of irregularly folded nucleosome fibers ( fig .
( a ) by ultrasmall - angle x - ray scattering ( usaxs ) , no notable structures ~100150 or 200250 nm were detected in hela interphase nuclei . beyond the ~275 nm range ( red arrow ) ,
( b ) for comparison , a usaxs profile of mitotic chromosomes is reproduced from nishino et al .
( c ) the scattering intensity obeys the power law with respect to structure size or spacing .
a plot of log ( i ) vs. log ( s ) on a straight line ( red line ) covers a wide range , extending over nearly three orders of magnitude .
least - squares fitting shows that i is proportional to s to the power of 3.36 ( r = 0.999 ) , suggesting that chromosomes do not possess notable regular structures over a very wide scale and exhibit a fractal nature of genome organization ( see also ref .
( d ) in the interphase nucleus , there are numerous compact chromatin domains like chromatin liquid drops ( yellow balls ) .
red , transcribed nucleosome ; green , rna polymerase and rna . formation of a 30-nm chromatin fiber might occur when nucleosome fibers are looped out from the chromatin domain or chromosome territory for transcription ( top , see text ) . in our opinion
, the transcriptional silencing can be established through dynamic capturing of transcriptional regions inside the compact chromatin domains .
these domains can be considered as drops of viscous liquid , which could be formed by nucleosome - nucleosome interaction and a macromolecular crowding effect .
notably , this view is in line with predictions of the chromosome territory - interchromatin compartment ( ct - ic ) model and previous evidence for an interchromatin compartment as well as the perichromatin region ( see ref .
notably , a comparison of the usaxs scattering profiles of mitotic and interphase chromatins shows similarities in a range up to ~275 nm , suggesting a similar organization in this range ( fig .
we found that both scattering patterns follow the power - law relationship between scattering intensity and scattering vector s over a wide range ( fig .
this scattering property suggests a fractal nature , although we can not rule out the possibility that other forms of organization might lead to a similar scattering pattern .
the power - law relationship continues up to ~1,000 nm in mitotic chromosomes and ~275 nm in interphase chromatin ( fig .
this suggests that mitotic and interphase chromatin have common structural features that are similar at many magnifications , at least in a range up to ~275 nm . consistent with this finding , evidence for a fractal structure of human interphase chromatin was recently obtained ( also see ref .
the scattering similarity is also in good agreement with our notion that interphase and mitotic chromatin are locally indistinguishable(also see refs .
4546 ) . even in the interphase nuclei , numerous chromatin domains like chromatin liquid drops are already formed ( fig .
, such chromatin domains are folded together , presumably by condensins and/or other protein factors , to create a rodlike chromosomal shape .
the chromatin domains in interphase were originally identified as replication foci containing ~1 mbp of the genome region by using pulse labeling .
the domains have been further analyzed by super - resolution microscopy and hi - c assay ( a method to study the three - dimensional architecture of genomes ) .
the fractal globule , which was identified by lieberman - aiden et al . using hi - c assay , is an interesting structure , in which chromatin fibers are little entangled .
consistently , typical heterochromatin regions in plant or mammalian nuclei that have been visualized by cryo - em have been reported to look very similar to mitotic chromosomes . taken together ,
interphase chromatin and mitotic chromosomes have similar local organizations ( e.g. , chromatin domains , chromatin liquid drops or fractal globules ) , showing compact irregular folding of nucleosome fibers without a 30-nm chromatin fiber ( figs .
although we suggested that 30-nm chromatin fiber is nearly absent in mitotic and interphase cells , there might be short stretches of 30-nm fibers or small amounts of other regularly folded hierarchies in the cells . in additon , clear 30-nm chromatin fibers
a possible explanation is as follows : the formation of a 30-nm fiber requires the selective binding of nucleosomes , which are close neighbors on the dna strand ( intra - fiber nucleosomal association ) .
a simple way to construct an intra - fiber nucleosomal association is isolation of nucleosome fibers .
such isolation could occur under dilute conditions , as in in vitro systems , in which interactions between nucleosome fibers are negligible .
in particular , under low - salt conditions with 12 mm mgcl2 , nucleosome fibers can gently repulse each other and easily form a 30-nm chromatin fiber ( e.g. , refs .
, such formation might be further stabilized through chemical cross - linking ( e.g. , glutaraldehyde fixation ) and shrinkage resulting from alcohol dehydration during sample preparation .
isolation of nucleosome fibers might also occur when nucleosome fibers are looped out from the chromatin domain or chromosome territory for transcription ( fig . 4d , top ) .
in addition , specific cell types have nuclei containing apparent 30-nm chromatin fibers , including starfish sperm , chicken erythrocytes and mouse photoreceptor cells .
although the formation of a 30-nm fiber requires intra - fiber nucleosomal association , inter - fiber nucleosome associations are considered dominant in cells ( figs .
nucleosome fibers are highly interdigitated , such that they are prevented from forming 30-nm chromatin fibers , leading to irregular folding of the nucleosome fibers ( polymer - melt - like structures ) ( figs .
2d and 4d ) . in some specific cells that contain the regular 30-nm chromatin fibers ,
a unique mechanism may be present to increase intra - fiber nucleosome association , presumably via specific histone modifications or the binding of specific proteins . in conclusion ,
interphase chromatin and mitotic chromosomes have similar local organizations ( e.g. , chromatin domains , chromatin liquid drops or fractal globules ) .
although the term irregular or disordered might provide an impression that the organizations are likely functionally irrelevant , the irregular folding implies less physical constraint and high dynamism , leading to a high degree of dna accessibility .
the irregular organization may thus have several advantages in template - directed biological processes in interphase nuclei , including rna transcription and dna replication , repair and recombination . | pubmed |
microsurgical reconstruction of the hepatic artery is a sometimes challenging technique in cases with biliary tract malignancy because the hepatic artery is located deep within the abdominal cavity , is short and shows very severe intimal damage because of lymph node dissection [ 1 , 2 ] , especially in cases with hilar cholangiocarcinoma , where the intimal damage is very severe because of tumor invasion .
furthermore , hepatic artery thrombosis ( hat ) is one of the lethal complications of this procedure .
twist technique may not be safe , as it involves turning over the damaged short arteries ( fig .
1 ) , which may result in separation of the endothelial lining from the vascular wall [ 1 , 2 ] .
it is one of the most important things to develop a safe method for microvascular reconstruction .
once the new method is developed , the indication of surgery for biliary tract might change widely .
we inferred that the key to successful microvascular reconstruction is to preserve the endothelial cells . to address this
, we adopted the back wall support suture technique with double needle sutures ( fig .
1 ) which does not require the damaged short arteries to be turned over . briefly , we placed two sutures at the deepest , most difficult points in the artery for backside support .
each stitch was placed from the inner side of the arterial wall to the outer side , with double needle sutures for safe intimal adaptation .
the subsequent sutures were placed in front and on either side , adjacent to the previous sutures .
the patients also received systemic administration of gabexate mesilate , a strong serine protease inhibitor [ 4 , 5 ] .
this drug has been shown to be more effective in the treatment of disseminated intravascular coagulation as compared to heparin , since it shows a protective effect on endothelial cells .
in fact , we have previously reported that serine protease inhibitors have cytoprotective effects on endothelial cells in ischemia - reperfusion injury .
herein we describe our experience of resectional surgery with microsurgical reconstruction of the hepatic artery in 20 cases with biliary tract malignancy .
the purpose of this study was to examine the effects of our methods ( microsurgical reconstruction with double needle sutures and systemic administration of gabexate mesilate ) and to reveal the significance of endothelial cells for microvascular reconstruction .
this study is the first to report the significance of endothelial cells and the safety of this procedure for biliary tract malignancy .
all procedures were reviewed and approved by the ethical committee of tohoku university school of medicine and were performed in accordance with the ethical standards of the declaration of helsinki . from september 2003
to december 2012 , 20 patients with biliary tract malignancy along with possible involvement of the hepatic artery underwent resectional surgery with reconstruction of the hepatic artery ( average age 64.5 11.0 years ; male : female ratio 14:6 ) .
the malignancies included cholangiocarcinoma ( n = 15 ) , gallbladder carcinoma ( n = 1 ) and pancreatic cancer ( n = 4 ) . the surgical procedures carried out included left trisectionectomy ( n = 1 ) , left hepatectomy ( including extended left hepatectomy ) ( n = 7 ) , right hepatectomy ( n = 1 ) , central bisectionectomy ( n = 2 ) , partial resection of segment 5 and inferior area of segment 4 ( n = 1 ) and pancreatoduodenectomy ( n = 8) .
reconstruction of the hepatic artery was performed by end - to - end anastomosis using microsurgical techniques ( right , n = 13 ; left , n = 2 ; proper , n = 3 ; and posterior , n = 2 ) .
the patients were divided into two groups : group i ( n = 5 ) , which included patients who underwent the conventional
twist technique between 2003 and 2004 and received heparin anticoagulant therapy on the day of the operation , and group ii ( n = 15 ) , which included patients who underwent the microsurgical back wall support suture technique with double needle sutures between 2005 and 2012 and received gabexate mesilate for 7 days ( 40 mg / kg / day ) .
we investigated hat using doppler ultrasonography for 10 days after reconstruction and examined the pulsatile index ( pi ) ( peak systolic - end diastolic / mean velocities ) , the resistive index ( ri ) ( peak systolic - end diastolic / peak systolic velocities ) and the acceleration time , for the purpose of revealing the condition of endothelial cells .
we defined hat as the absence of hepatic arterial flow as determined by ultrasonography , and worsening of laboratory parameters such as alanine aminotransferase and aspartate aminotransferase levels . on the other hand , although there is no direct relationship between the incidence of hat and long - term survival rates , we also investigated those rates at 1 and 3 years for the purpose of revealing the significance of those resectional surgeries with reconstruction of hepatic arteries .
patients were observed from the date of operation until death or the last follow - up .
the effects of the treatment on overall survival were initially examined using the kaplan - meier log - rank test ( breslow - gehan - wilcoxon test ) .
all calculations were made with the jmp pro software package ( sas institute , cary , n.c .
it reveals a heterogeneous background , but there were no significant differences between the two groups . no postoperative mortality or bleeding
the incidence of hat was lower in group ii ( 0% , 0/15 ) than in group i ( 20.0% , 1/5 ) , but there was no significant difference between two groups ( p = 0.25 , student 's t test ) . in the case with hat ( case 3 , the posterior branch reconstruction case ) , re - reconstruction could not be performed due to a very short arterial neck and severe intimal damage .
thus , arterioportal shunting was performed , and the patient recovered . in the hat case ,
the pi value decreased to < 0.4 , with a delay in acceleration time to > 0.1 s during the first reconstruction of the hepatic artery , whereas the other cases had pi values > 0.5 and acceleration times of < 0.1 s for 7 days after operation . on 7 days after operation , the ri value was higher in group ii than in group i , but there was no significant difference between the two groups ( p = 0.17 , student 's t test ) . on the other hand ,
the pi value was significantly higher in group ii than in group i ( p < 0.05 ) .
furthermore , acceleration time was significantly shorter in group ii than in group i ( p < 0.05 ) . from these findings
, we could understand that the condition of endothelial cells had improved better in group ii ( table 2 ) . on the other hand ,
on day 0 after operation , there were no significant differences between the two groups except for acceleration time .
during the course of this study , 10 patients died due to recurrence of their original disease . in all cases ,
the overall survival rates of the biliary tract malignancy cohort at 1 and 3 years were 59.8 and 23.6% , respectively ( fig .
i and ii , the survival rates at 3 years were 0 and 59.1% , respectively .
there were no significant differences in the survival rate between the two groups ( p = 0.06 , kaplan - meier log - rank test ) , possibly due to the limited number of cases ( fig .
on the other hand , in cases with gallbladder carcinoma and pancreatic cancer , the survival rate at 1 year was 33.3% .
there were no significant differences in the survival rate between the two groups ( kaplan - meier log - rank test ) ( fig .
on the other hand , in those without histopathological arterial involvement ( n = 9 ) , the survival rates at 1 , 2 and 3 years were 83.3 , 83.3 and 41.7% , respectively ( fig .
there were significant differences in the survival rate between groups i and ii ( p = 0.03 , kaplan - meier log - rank test ) .
our results show that the acceleration times after operation were significantly short in group ii by ultrasonography examination . furthermore , the pi value in group ii was also significantly higher than that in group i on day 7 after operation .
this means that there was no stenosis at the reconstructed artery and that the inflow blood volume was good until day 7 after operation .
these results suggest that the back wall support suture technique with double needle sutures is a safe technique for preserving arterial intimae and endothelial cells . on the other hand ,
the ri value was strongly influenced by end diastolic velocity and outflow volume rather than by peak systolic velocity and inflow volume .
thus , if the portal flow was not so good , the end diastolic velocity of the hepatic artery became high and the ri value became low .
we think this is the reason why the values were similar between the two groups in our study .
conventional plastic surgical reconstruction using the twist technique , which involves turning over the damaged short arteries , may not be safe , as it often results in separation of the intimae from the vascular wall and is not always possible in short branch reconstruction cases .
thus , we adopted the back wall support suture technique from 2005 to improve safety .
although this procedure was complicated , it was useful , particularly in cases with damaged short arteries .
it should be noted that our study included a small number of patients , but we successfully reconstructed the hepatic artery in our biliary malignancy patients and developed a safe method for microvascular reconstruction using this new procedure and gabexate mesilate .
there have been few articles so far describing the risk of the conventional technique and the significance of safety reconstruction .
the most important conclusion we want to draw from this study is not to use our method , but to keep endothelial cells healthy on microvascular reconstruction . in japan ,
gabexate mesilate is sometimes used in the treatment of disseminated intravascular coagulation and has been shown to be more effective than heparin in some cases .
when using serine protease inhibitors in marginal donor liver transplantation of rats , we discovered their cytoprotective effects on endothelial cells .
thus , in this study we investigated the effects of gabexate mesilate ( 40 mg / kg ) along with the use of the back wall support suture technique for microvascular reconstruction .
there were no cases of hat or postoperative bleeding in group ii owing to the anticoagulant effects of gabexate mesilate , which is a significant finding .
it is known that the repair of the intimae on the reconstructed artery is completed within 610 days after surgery , and stenosis also occurs within the same time frame [ 2 , 3 , 6 ] .
we evaluated the wave shape of the hepatic artery and the acceleration time via ultrasonography in cases of microsurgical reconstruction in liver transplantation , and we observed that wave shape changes were often seen 57 days after operation .
thus , we administered gabexate mesilate to the patients in group ii for at least 7 days in order to keep the endothelial cells intact , and performed ultrasonography 10 days after operation
. we did not administer heparin to the group ii patients because of our previous experience of major bleeding in a few liver transplantation cases who had received heparin . as a result
the surgical indications for reconstruction of the hepatic artery in cases of biliary malignancy remain controversial .
shimada et al . , based on their experience of 12 patients who underwent hepatic arterial reconstruction , reported that reconstruction of the hepatic artery can not be recommended for gallbladder cancer patients due to their poor prognosis .
our results also indicate that the survival rate of patients with cholangiocarcinoma who underwent arterial reconstruction might be better than that of those with gallbladder cancer and pancreatic cancer .
it remains to be determined whether arterial reconstruction in cases of biliary malignancy prolongs patient survival .
kaneoka et al . reported some cases who underwent arterial reconstruction for hilar bile duct cancer and survived for more than 3 years post surgery .
they reported improved survival in cases who received resectional surgery , but also reported difficulties performing that procedure safely and the usefulness of portal vein arterialization [ 9 , 10 ] .
the back wall support suture technique with double needle sutures for microvascular reconstruction along with administration of gabexate mesilate was found to be safe and effective in cases of biliary tract malignancy .
thus , it is possible to safely perform resectional surgery in biliary tract malignancy cases with hepatic artery involvement . | pubmed |
Peter Alan Rickmann is the current Anglican Dean of Waikato: as such he is responsible for maintaining the fabric of the building, welcoming visitors to this historic building and organising the worship for this, one of the two cathedrals within the Diocese of Waikato. As such he is a crucial member of its senior leadership team.
He was born in 1968 and educated at Ripon College Cuddesdon. He was ordained in 1998 and began his career with a curacy at Bitterne Park.He was Chaplain at St Paul's Collegiate School in Hamilton, New Zealand from 2001 to 2004 and Priest in charge of Bransgore with Hinton Admiral from 2004 to 2012, during which time he was also a Sub-Chaplain of HMP Winchester.
References
.
Category:1968 births
Category:Alumni of Ripon College Cuddesdon
Category:Deans of Waikato
Category:Living people | wikipedia |
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Malleability in metals
I am trying to understand [malleability](http://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malleability) in metal as a result of the micro structure. I am focusing on the metals of antiquity (in order of decreased malleability): Gold, Silver, Copper, and Iron. While the atomic number decreases is it as simple as that? Or is the type of orbital more important? I think there is something about the d orbital, even if filled, that becomes part of the "delocalized sea" in the crystal structure, not just the regular valence electrons.
As Jon Custer says Mechanical properties are fairly complex.
When you bend a metal you cause dislocations in the atomic structure, which is normally uniform.
Here are some factors that affect malleability
The crystal structure: It is a large factor in dislocation motion.
Grain density: Dislocations cannot move past grain boundaries, so a higher grain density will make the metal harder.
Interstitials: Impurities in the metal (which every metal has) can make dislocations harder to move.
Temperature: The temperature that a metal is at can play a role in the crystal structure, and affects the inter-atomic bond strength. An extreme example of this is hydrogen "metal".
Atomic Size: The further apart atoms are from each other the weaker the force is, and the easier they move.
I suppose the orbitals do play a role in determining the lattice structure.
*Most importantly* though, as you mentioned, is the "delocalized electron sea". It is what allows dislocations in, an otherwise rigid, crystal structure to move.
To anthropomorphize atoms; they can move around because they don't have to "worry" about maintaining the correct charge.
In ionic structures, such as NaCl, the atoms must remain next to an atom of the opposite charge. Thus enough energy to cause dislocation motion simply causes the like charged ions to be next to each other, and the crystal breaks along that plane. (This isn't perfectly true, but generally it is hard to cause dislocations in ionic materials.)
| stackexchange/physics |
Halo, Mass Effect 1. Chapter 1
**Hey everybody! DinoJake here with a special announcement!**
**As you all know, The Last Spartan is easily my most popular fanfiction with almost fourteen hundred follows, fourteen hundred favs, eighteen hundred reviews, and its very own TVtropes page! However, as some reviewers point out, the story's flaws are many. Particularly, the setting.**
**When I first started this fanfic three years ago, I didn't really know much about the Halo lore, to be honest. Really, the only reason I had Humanity do away with slipspace was purely for story's sake; I KNEW that slipspace was faster than Mass Effect FTL, and at the time, I saw that as a problem. Less time in space meant less time for Chief to spend alone on board the Normandy which means less opportunities to develop as a character.**
**Not only was that completely stupid reasoning (Eezo, slipspace, there'd still be plenty of time to kill on that ship regardless of FTL method), but I also unwittingly made Humanity to be a race of weaklings, which is isn't the Humanity that Halo fans know and love.**
**I tried to justify it. I've even claimed that, though this was a mistake, I would keep it since it may open up other opportunities to create my own takes on both Halo and Mass Effect lore. Hell, me and another author on this site were actually talking about co-writing a First-Contact War-based fanfic in order to explain how it all went down in a believable way that would actually be kind of in-character for Halo's Humanity.**
**But recently, I've finally realized that, from the very beginning, this fanfic's setting was flawed, and nothing I can do could really change that. World-building is the most important aspect of a good space opera, and I failed in that department, which basically means I failed in general.**
**But I'm not going to give up so easily. Even my most harshest critics have said that characterization is this story's biggest strength. The concept isn't flawed, just the execution, which means I just need to try again. Thus, I've decided to completely reboot The Last Spartan. What you're about to read is, hopefully, a more accurate portrayal of Humanity in the 27th Century.**
**The first scene is an edited scene from Chapter 2. The rest is completely original material, written especially for this bold new project of mine. Just keep in mind that this is a rough draft, so I may change things upon request. Think of this as the pilot to a new series. In any case, enjoy.**
…..
0832 Hours, February 16th, 2683
Undisclosed Location in the Hades Gamma Cluster
…..
There he was. Master Chief Petty Officer Sierra-117. Or simply 'Chief' as he was often called. Inside the pod, his Mjonir MK-VI armor still brandishing fresh scars from the Battle of the Ark. It was a near-religious experience, to be in the presence of the Chief's body. For many of the UNSC marines present, he was the reason they joined the Alliance.
Captain Anderson could hardly believe it. Over a hundred years ago, this man practically saved the Human race single-handed. When the Arbiter crash-landed on Earth alone all those years ago, Lord Hood said that the Master Chief, both body and soul, belonged to history.
Until today, when a UNSC exploratory vessel stumbled upon the wreck of the _Forward Unto Dawn._ UNSC Command sent in nearly all of Fifth Fleet to completely lock down the star system to make sure nothing else got in or out. The history books said that the portal through which the _Forward Unto Dawn _escaped the Ark had been unstable. Some physicists believed that, instead of being destroyed, the _Dawn_'s wreckage had simply been teleported to some random part of the galaxy. God only knew how long it was floating here.
The captain walked up to the pod, and paused for a moment. He took a long look inside at the motionless SPARTAN-II within. "He must've climbed in here after dropping a distress beacon, hoping he'd be found." he said to the marines with a hint of sadness in his voice. "Been in this cryo-pod ever since." he sighed.
The Chief was a hero. If it wasn't for him Humanity, possibly even the rest of the galaxy, would be dead right now. He deserved a better end than this. A moment of silence fell over the room, honoring the Chief for all he had done for his species.
"Alright." Anderson said as the moment of silence passed. "Let's see if we can't unhook this pod. It's time this hero came home. Michaels, think you can do it?"
"Sure." Cpl. Timothy Michaels said. He was his squad's tech expert, so he definitely knew his way around machines. He walked up to the pod and his omni-tool lit up. "The ship's systems aren't based on Prothean tech, but they ARE very primitive. Hacking the cryo-pod shouldn't be too hard..."
After about thirty seconds of continuously pressing buttons on his omni-tool; "Got it. I'm in." he said. He then pressed a few more buttons. "Okay, now I just need to find the..."
He paused, his sentence stopping dead in its tracks. Anderson turned to the tech expert. "Need to find the what?" he asked.
"That can't be right." Michaels stated while shaking his head. He pressed a few more buttons, then paused again. "Holy crap..."
"What? Is something wrong?" Anderson pressed, becoming more and more concerned.
"Uh...I think that depends on what your definition of 'wrong' is, sir." Michaels answered. He looked up from his omni-tool and looked at the captain square in the eye. "He's still alive."
A moment of shocked silence took the room for a few seconds. Then, Anderson took it back. "What do you mean alive?" he asked.
"According to my omni-tool, all of Chief's vital signs are still good." the tech replied.
"Let me see that." Anderson said as he walked up to the tech. He looked over Michaels' shoulder. Sure enough, there on the omni-tool's holographic screen was a series of pulsing lines, all indicating that the Chief is still alive and well.
"I don't believe it." Anderson said in disbelief. "I mean, Cryo-Sleep does do a good job preserving the human body but...130 years?"
"What do we do now, sir?" Michaels asked. Anderson paused in thought. The intent of this mission was to retrieve Chief's remains and ship them off to Earth so a proper funeral service could be held. At the very least, they could've taken some things from the ship to the museum in New Mombassa. But the Master Chief still alive in his cryo-pod? That was the last thing Anderson was prepared for. Needless to say, it made the situation a little more complicated.
"Sir, I've found something." said another tech expert. He was kneeling at what looked like a terminal of some kind, less than ten feet away from the chief. He was tapping away at his omni-tool, his vision frequently switching between it and the terminal.
"What is it?" Anderson asked as he approached.
"It's a data terminal of some kind." the other tech replied.
"Can you get anything from it?" Anderson asked. Now that the situation had changed, he wanted to know every last detail he could. He didn't want any more curve balls thrown at him and more info couldn't hurt.
"Maybe..." the tech said as he tapped away on the omni-tool. The omni-tool ran on element zero technology, while the computers on this ship don't. Using an omni-tool to lift data from the databanks of a 26th century ship was kind of like getting a software product made by one company to co-operate with another from a different company. It wasn't impossible, just difficult. Thankfully, it was nothing a skilled hacker couldn't handle as only five minutes at most went by before the tech said; "Okay, I'm in. Let's see what we got here..."
He tapped a few more keys on the omni-tool as some interesting displays popped up on the screen. "Okay, I think we got something. Data storage program, from the looks of it. Maybe it can shed some light here..."
Turned out, that program was storing data alright. Just not the kind of data anyone was expecting.
After a few more taps from the omni-tool, the holographic light on top of the terminal lit up, and a blue feminine figure appeared. She was about a foot in height, had short hair, and seemed to wear a body suit of some kind. She smiled upon seeing the startled tech expert.
"Oh good. Rescue." she commented in a rather cheerful tone.
The room fell deadly silent, something that did not go unnoticed by the holographic woman. "What?" she asked. Anderson took a step forward. He didn't want to ask this question, knowing what the answer was and that it was going to make things even more complicated. But he had little other choice.
"Are you...Cortana?" he asked.
The hologram smiled as she stood before the captain, puffing her chest out with pride. "UNSC Artificial Intelligence serial number CTN 0452-9. At your service."
It was then that Cortana realized that something was amiss. She took a look around the room. Rather than wearing the modified ODST uniforms typical of space troopers (soldiers trained for zero-G missions), the marines wore what looked more like skin-tight uniforms and their helmets looked nothing like the original ODST. Cortana knew that it would probably be a few years and that she should have foreseen some degree of change in the uniform. But this was extreme. There was only one conclusion the AI could logically draw. She turned to Captain Anderson.
"Chief and I have been here a while, haven't we?" she asked.
"Yes." Anderson answered with a nod. What else could he say?
Cortana paused, processing the new data. "Don't sugar-coat it. How long?" the AI braced herself for the worst.
"To put it bluntly, well over a century." Anderson replied.
"131 years, to be exact." Michaels added.
Not since the revelations of Halo had Cortana been so shocked. Over a century? Was it even possible to be in storage that long and still be operational? Cortana ran a quick self-diagnostic, worried that something might've become corrupted, ignoring the worried mutterings of the new aliens. The AI sighed in relief, seeing that there was nothing wrong with her. Her concerns than focused to her spartan.
"Is Chief alright?" she asked.
"According to my tech expert, his life signs are still stable." Anderson answered. Cortana accessed the computer in Chief's pod to confirm. True to the stranger's word, the Chief was still stable. She turned to the Captain, viewing that there was now only one thing left to do.
"Well, what are you waiting for? Wake him up." she said.
Anderson was actually taken aback by this. "Er...well..."
"Weeeellll?" Cortana asked, not liking where this conversation was going.
"We came on board this ship looking for the Chief's _remains._" Anderson explained. "We thought that after over a century in cryo-sleep he'd be dead. While it's nice to see he's not...it complicates things a little."
"Well, you can't just leave him here." Cortana pointed out.
"We don't plan to." Anderson replied. Cortana glared daggers at the captain. He sighed in defeat. "We just need to figure out the right way to go about this. I'll contact my superior and inform him of the situation. We'll play it out from there. Excuse me."
…
"So let me get this straight." Hackett began at last. "Both Chief and Cortana are still alive?"
"Cortana seems to be fully operational. Doesn't seem rampant." Anderson said. "Chief is still in cryo-sleep. All his vital signs are stable at the moment. But I don't want to do anything without your say-so."
There was a pause on Hackett's end. Understandable. It was a lot to take in. "Well, this is quite the dilemma. We can't just leave him there, but we can't just wake him up either."
"With all due respect Admiral, this is the Master Chief we're talking about. He's the living embodiment of everything Humanity stands for. It's a hard thing to just let lie on the shelf." Anderson commented.
"I know. If it weren't for the Master Chief, Humanity would be extinct right now." Hackett admitted. "We could definitely use him, but….it's been so long since his time. I don't know if he's psychologically fit for battle in this century."
"Considering the kind of enemy we're up against, I say we give it a shot." Anderson said.
Hackett paused again, this time out of thought instead of shock. "Chief would be a valuable asset." he admitted. "He definitely earned the title of humanity's greatest hero. Defeated the Covenant and the Flood."
"He's the only reason any Human is still alive." Anderson added.
"President Harper can't question his courage, that's for certain." Hackett stated. "Are we sure about this?"
"Humanity needs a hero right now." Anderson said resolutely. "Chief's the best we've got. I say we do it."
Another pause. Then; "I'll make the call. I'll be labeled crazy for it, but it's not like there's a rule against it. In the mean time, you know what to do."
"Roger that. Anderson out." the captain said. With that, he re-entered the pod chamber. Whatever conversation Cortana was having with the marines ended right then and there. The AI looked at Anderson expectantly.
"I've just gone over it with my superior, Admiral Hackett." Anderson stated. "And he seems to be all for the idea." He then turned to Michaels. "Wake him up."
The tech expert was taken aback. He looked around, unsure. "What, you mean right here, right now?"
"No time like the present." Anderson said. Cortana was smiling ear to virtual ear.
"About time." the AI commented.
"Are you sure you want us to do this?" one of the marines inquired as he approached the AI. "If the Chief wakes up, he'll be waking up to a galaxy that's very different from the one he knew."
"I've seen him survive grenade explosions, plasma fire, and even ACTUAL fire once. He's stared death in the face too many times to count." Cortana replied. "Trust me. I think my Spartan can handle a little culture shock."
Within moments, Michaels was tapping away furiously on his omni-tool as he laughed nervously to himself, not believing this was actually happening. At one point, he stopped. "Something wrong, Michaels?" Anderson asked.
"I just realized...we're bringing back the greatest hero in Human history." Michaels said. "We're MAKING history right now. I...I need a moment to take this in."
"We haven't got all day." Cortana said. "Sometime in the NEXT 131 years would be nice, thank you."
"Right, right. Sorry." the tech quickly apologized to the AI as he resumed his work. "Okay. I don't have a drumroll, so a countdown will have to do. Cracking open the pod in 3...2...1..." He tapped his omni-tool one last time.
There was a loud hiss as gas blew out from nozzles as the pod was de-pressurized. After that, the pod started to glow a little. The screens on the pod's control panel blinked to life, showing the Chief's vital signs and the progress of his thawing. That's when it happened. He moved. The Chief shifted around a little in the pod, apparently waking up. The Human marines dared not breathe another breath.
"Easy Chief." Cortana said, seeing the way the spartan shifted. "You're still thawing. You don't want to hurt yourself."
Chief nodded in acknowledgement. He continued shifting, but at a slower and gentler rate this time. Eventually, the pod door opened up just as the Chief was finally starting to get some feeling back in his limbs. He floated out of the pod and activated his magnetic boots, sticking to the floor with a dull thud that startled several of the room's occupants. He looked at Captain Anderson, recognizing him as, due to the manner of his space suit, the highest-ranking officer here. He saluted.
"Master Chief Petty Officer Sierra-117. Reporting for duty, sir." The marines were so breathless that at this point, they were practically blue.
"Captain David Anderson." Anderson saluted back. "At ease, Chief." the captain was grinning ear-to-ear. He still couldn't believe it. The Chief, alive and well, standing right in front of him. It was surreal, yet exciting.
Just like with Cortana, the new UNSC uniforms did not pass by Chief. "How long have I been in there, exactly?" he asked.
"Approximately 131 years." Cortana answered. Chief turned to the AI, who smiled at him. "Welcome to the 27th century."
While Chief was happy that Cortana was okay...did she really just say 131 years? Chief paused to contemplate this for a brief moment. Of course, a brief moment for a spartan was about 2 or 3 seconds. 4 at the most. He then turned to Captain Anderson.
"Guess I've got some catching up to do, huh?" he asked. Anderson nodded.
"Grab Cortana and the marines and I will escort you back to our ship, the _Mt. Everest. _We'll bring you up to speed on everything you've missed once we get there."
Chief nodded before walking to the terminal to take out Cortana's chip. He then inserted it into the back of his helmet. He walked over to where he put away his MA5C assault rifle to take it out of the weapons rack. "So where are we going, Captain?" he asked as he placed the rifle on his back.
"We're going home, Chief." Anderson answered. "We're going to Earth. Now that you're back, there's a lot that needs to be done."
….
0511 Hours, February 23rd, 2683
_UNSC Ghengis Khan_
High orbit over Palaven
Trebia System, Apien Crest
…..
John balanced the combat knife on the tip of his finger, handle up. It was a trick that Fred-104 taught him way back in the Human-Covenant War. The Human-Covenant War. Over a hundred years ago. Had it really been that long? He still couldn't believe how much had changed. As he stood in the _Ghengis Khan_'scargo hold, he thought about everything that happened on New Mombasa that lead him to this new mission.
Upon arriving on Earth, the Master Chief was immediately taken to ONI Headquarters in New Mombasa. The first couple of hours were spent on physical exams to make sure the Spartan was still healthy and in good fighting condition. Running on a treadmill? Check. Whacking knee with a hammer to test reflexes? Check. Weight-lifting? Check. Chief passed that last one with flying colors, obviously. There was worry among the medical staff that the Battle of the Ark left Chief in a bad way, but thankfully his armor was built tough and absorbed most of the damage. Save for some minor scratches, bruises and burns (minor by SPARTAN-II standards, anyway), Chief was given a clean bill of health.
Once the docs gave him the all-clear, ONI got their hands on the Chief and filled him in on everything he missed. First and foremost, the Covenant were no more. The entire Sangheili race, through a combination of in-fighting and a mysterious disease that wiped out their food crops, were now extinct. Chief didn't know how to feel about that. On the one hand, the Sangheili glassed many Human colonies and killed many Humans, a few of which were the Chief's friends. But extinction? That seemed harsh. But at least now there was no chance of the Sangheili ever rising up again to threaten Humanity.
The rest of the former-Covenant races were in a state of disarray since the Great Schism. Kig-Yar and Jiralhanae lacked anything resembling a formal government and mostly lived in remote outposts out in a new area of the galaxy known as the Terminus Systems. With nowhere else to go, many Unggoy went to the UNSC, pleading for asylum. Thus, the Unggoy became the first client race of the UNSC, but they wouldn't be the last. The Yanme'e tried to make a name for themselves by attacking Human territory while it was still recovering from the Human-Covenant War, but an aggressive counter-attack with chemical weapons, basically pesticides on steroids, wiped out so many Yanme'e that they were effectively brought into line, forcefully made into yet another client race of the UNSC. The Chief judged it harsh but necessary.
After their brief war with the Yanme'e, the UNSC saw a period of relative peace lasting eighty or so years. Then, one day in the year 2648, they discovered alien ruins of unknown origin on a planet on the very edge of the Orion Arm. Found in the ruins was a starmap that lead the UNSC to something spectacular.
It lead them to a mass relay.
Upon discovering the mass relay network, the UNSC realized that the galaxy was so much larger than they could've possibly imagined. So many new worlds, so many new treasures, all theirs for the taking.
Of course, with the rest of the galaxy open to the UNSC to explore, it was inevitable that they make first contact with new alien races. In 2657, that's what happened. An alien race known as the Turians attacked a ship activating a dormant mass relay and traced the ship's to Shanxi, one of the new colonies that the UNSC settled. The Turians then invaded the planet and took it over. ONI had reason to suspect that they planned on using it as a staging ground to gear up for further incursions into UNSC space.
After the UNSC took the planet back, it was learned that the Turians were part of a greater collective of alien races known as the Citadel Races. Their capital was a large space station, not quite as big as High Charity but still very big, known as the Citadel. In charge of this collective was the Citadel Council. They managed to call off the Turians and broker a truce. They then approached the UNSC and gave them a choice; either give up AI's and Slipspace to join their collective, or remain a separate state and risk war with the Turian Hierarchy.
The Chief was happy to learn that then-President Goyle told the Council to go fuck themselves.
Since then, the UNSC remained a separate state, completely independent from the Citadel races. No technological exchange, no cultural exchange, the UNSC weren't even interested in having an embassy on the Citadel. As a result, the UNSC and Citadel Council had been in a state of cold war for over twenty years, each preparing for war with the other while the UNSC continued to expand its territory into the Attican Traverse.
The expansion was not without problems. In 2671, the Batarian Hegemony, another member of the Citadel Races, demanded the UNSC ceased its expansion into the Skyllian Verge, where the Hegemony hoped to expand its own territory. The UNSC refused, colonizing those worlds before the Batarians had a chance to. The Batarians reacted with what became known as the Skyllian Blitz in 2676, a mass attack on the Human colony world of Elysium. The Batarians officially denied having anything to do with the attack, claiming it was mostly pirates and raiders of various races that attacked the planet. ONI investigated the matter and found that the Batarians were only telling half the truth. It was indeed a multi-species fleet of pirates that were responsible for the attack, but the Batarian Hegemony bank-rolled the attack. The UNSC took this as an act of war.
The UNSC ignored any warnings from the Citadel Council not to attack a member race and began its incursion into Batarian space. What historians now call the Skyllian War lasted for a little under two years. In 2678, the war reached its climax in what became known as the Desolation of Bahak. ONI agents strapped rockets to a large asteroid from the asteroid belt of the Bahak System, a key system for the Batarian Hegemony due to its colony on Aratoht. ONI then used the rockets to launch the asteroid directly at the system's mass relay, blowing it up, and completely destroying the Bahak System. Demoralized by such a heavy loss at the hands of such a powerful foe, the Batarians surrendered. Khar'shan was now a UNSC world, the Batarians now a client race of Humanity.
Though the Batarians were a Citadel Race, the Citadel Council was hesitant to declare war on the UNSC. However, relations between the two galactic governments grew worse and worse with each passing year. Eventually, the Council decided that enough was enough. The Turians launched a pre-emptive attack on the UNSC world of Eden Prime, followed by a declaration of war. The Citadel War had begun.
The UNSC began by reinforcing colonial defenses all around its territorial border with Citadel Space. And now, in what is being called Operation: LOW BLOW, the UNSC is launching its first major attack; Palaven. The Turian homeworld. Using the mass relays in combination with their superior slipspace technology, the UNSC has launched a fleet to make a beeline straight for Palaven. The Turians make up the majority of the Citadel Council's military muscle, so taking out the Turian homeworld right out the gate will put a serious dent in the Council's fighting ability, giving the UNSC a crucial advantage right out of the gate.
The Chief checked his internal mission clock. 0515. Almost time to drop. He put his combat knife into his sheath and walked over to where his new squad had gathered to talk. It was made up of seven men and women.
His immediate second-in-command was Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko. Despite the asian name, he was actually from Vancouver, Canada. What made him unique from the rest of the squad, besides his rank, were his biotics. Biotics was a term given to what could best be described as telekinesis fueled by element zero. The Citadel Races had known about biotics for centuries and even had biotics-users within their own ranks for about as long as they knew about them. However, ONI was able to gain information on biotics with its extensive spy network and quickly began training their own. Kaidan Alenko was one of the first. In the time Chief he knew him, he found Kaidan to be calm and rather laid back. According to his profile, Kaidan was a professional soldier, the very model of what a good UNSC marine should be.
The squad's marksman was Ashley Williams. Ashley was interesting, as she was the granddaughter of the infamous General Williams, a controversial general from the First Contact War. General Williams' forces were originally staged in New Taiyuan, Shanxi's capital city. However, the city came under heavy siege by the Turians during the First Contact War, the Turians willing to bomb entire city blocks just to take out a single fire team. Williams pulled his forces out of the city, but not before feeding the Turians false information that his forces were planning to surrender. Williams had fallen back to a reasonable distance just as the Turians moved into the city to seize control of it. Williams then detonated several small nukes his forces had left around the city, completely destroying the city and every Turian inside of it. Though he was applauded for eliminating a huge Turian ground force, many hated General Williams for killing all the Human civilians still in the city. Her psych profile states that Ashley was looking to prove herself worthy of the Williams name, saying that a real Williams gets the job done at _any _cost. Chief made a note to keep an eye on her. She might be a little overzealous.
Speaking of overzealous, up next was Sergeant James Vega, the squad's man-at-arms. His background wasn't as glamorous as Kaidan's or Ashley's; a young man who grew up in the rougher parts of California, James joined the UNSC Marine Corps to make himself into a better man. When he wasn't out on missions, he was subjecting himself to a physical regimen of pull-ups, push-ups, and sit-ups. Unfortunately, his profile mentioned a tendency to be reckless on the field. During the Human-Batarian War, he took out an enemy shuttle by driving a shuttle of his own into their shuttle at ramming speed. When asked why, James simply shrugged and said 'cuz it was fun.' The Chief would have to keep an eye on that one.
Next was Jennifer Jacquis, the squad's biotic combat expert. While Kaidan was a powerful biotic in his own right, he was trained as a sentinel-class biotic, biotic-users who also specialize in combat and field engineering. Jennifer, on the other hand, was a vanguard-class biotic. Not only did she know a wider array of biotic techniques, but her biotics were also more powerful and she uses them much more aggressively. While she was absolutely vicious on the field, her psych profile detailed that the Human-Batarian War was extremely traumatic for her, due to having been captured and extensively tortured by the Batarians during the conflict. The incident gave her post-traumatic stress disorder, and according to ONI, she had never been the same way since. Thankfully, she's still psychologically fit to serve.
Next was the squad's close quarters combat expert and runner, Kyle Nolan. According to his profile, Kyle Nolan was a veteran of the First Contact War, during which his hand was shot off by a Turian sniper. He gained two things from that experience; an artificial hand, and a burning hatred of the Turians. Similar to Jennifer, Kyle was diagnosed with PTSD, but is still considered psychologically stable enough to serve. He'll certainly be motivated to fight down on Palaven, but the Chief was worried that his own personal hatreds would get the better of him.
The remaining two members of the Chief's team were, surprisingly enough, non-Humans. In their exploration of the galaxy, the UNSC found that not every species was a fan of the Citadel Council. The sqaud's grenadier and heavy weapons expert was Urdnot Wrex, a Krogan mercenary hired by ONI, one of many for this campaign. The UNSC was able to win the Krogan over with promises of a cure for the 'genophage,' a sterility plague the Turians and Salarians inflicted on their species a thousand years ago. Chief wasn't sure if ONI was actually working on a genophage cure, or just made false promises to make the Krogan want to join their side. He secretly hoped for the latter. Without the genophage to curb their numbers, the Chief knew that the Krogan would eventually overtake the galaxy again; a fight that the UNSC would have difficulty winning. Anyway, Wrex was also a biotic who, much like Kyle, had a healthy hatred of Turians. As long as ONI continued signing his checks and promising his race a future, Wrex should be sufficiently loyal to the Master Chief.
The other alien squad member was Tali'Zorah nar Rayya, a Quarian. Quarians were a race of engineers who made a race of AI's called the Geth. The Geth turned on the Quarians three hundred years ago and drove them off of their own homeworld. Since then, they've been wandering the galaxy in what they call the 'Quarian Flotilla.' They used to be a Citadel race, but they were kicked out for breaking the Council's 'no AI's allowed,' rule. When the Citadel War broke out, the UNSC approached the Quarians and offered them vengeance in exchange for their engineering expertise. Though the Quarians were wary of the UNSC's liberal use of AI's (understandable, given their history with AI's), they agreed to lend their aid. Tali was a combat engineer and team medic. The squad would have to keep her covered. No doubt the Turians would want to shoot her first if they ever figure out her team role. Chief wasn't too worried about it though; she was good enough with a shotgun to cover herself if need be.
As the Chief approached, the team ceased their conversation and stood to attention. Cortana then appeared on a nearby terminal. "So Blue Team, ready to move out?" she cheerfully asked them. She was now the ship AI of the _Ghengis Khan_
"What's our objective?" Chief asked.
"You'll be dropped onto Palaven's surface via slipspace pods." Cortana explained. "The planet has a class-1 radiation hazard, so keep those hardsuits sealed up tight. Your objective is a massive anti-aircraft battery. You'll have the element of surprise on your side, but Turian positions are legendary for their fortifications, so you should still expect a tough fight."
Cortana crossed her arms across her chest in a haughty sort of pose. "Looks like you're gonna have your work cut out for you." she teased.
"Don't I always?" Chief asked. He turned to his squad as Cortana's image shimmered away. "Let's pile into the pods, people." With that, he lead his squad to where the drop pods were located. They made their way out of the cargo hold and down a series of corridors, and down a fleet of stairs to the drop chambers. Doors leading to drop pods lined the walls of the narrow corridor. Dozens of other soldiers navigated the corridor in search of their own pods, only to stop and applaud as they saw the Master Chief and his team walk by.
The Chief sighed. He waved back at the marines, silently wishing that he wasn't so damn important to UNSC morale.
The squad eventually found their own pods and climbed in. The Chief took a seat and pushed a button, the pod door automatically sealing. "All squad, check in." Chief ordered over TEAMCOM. He was greeted with a series of green winks, except for two. "Blue-Seven. Blue-Eight. What's the problem?"
"It's cramped in here." Wrex protested. "This drop pod was clearly _not _designed with Krogan in mind."
"File a complaint to brass, frog-boy." Jennifer slandered.
"I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do." Tali said. "I've never really dropped before."
"Never?" Chief asked.
"My training was kind of rushed." Tali replied shyly.
Chief sighed. "Blue-Five. Give Blue-Eight a crash course." he ordered.
"Will do." Kyle replied. "Okay Tali listen up, cuz Uncle Kyle is gonna teach you how to drop into Hell."
The drop pods descended into position. "Step one: Make sure your seatbelt is good and tight. Step two: Make sure your helmet is secure."
A vidscreen of Wrex's face appeared on Chief's HUD over TEAMCAM. "Don't need a helmet." he said as he tapped his head crest with a chuckle.
"Suit yourself, Wrex." Kyle said. "Finally, the third and final step…."
The pods finally exited the ship's hull, exposed to the midnight blue of slipspace. They were locked into firing position, ready to launch.
"Pray to whatever deity you believe in _for dear life_." Kyle finished.
"I don't believe in God." Jennifer said.
Kyle chuckled. "Trust me, Jen. According to the launch clock, you're gonna turn into a born-again christian in three…..two…one….."
The pods launched. A few seconds afterward, they exited slipspace in orbit over Palaven. They and thousands of other drop pods plummeted to the snot-green surface of the Turian homeworld below.
….
1917 Hours, March 10th, 2683
Surface of Palaven
Trebia System, Apien Crest
…
The Battle of Palaven had been going on for well over two weeks. The Master Chief wasn't surprised. He did his homework on the Turians. They were a warrior culture similar to the Sangheili from the Human-Covenant War, and their homeworld reflected that. Every last settlement, from small rural villages to bustling metropolises, were each a fortress by its own right. The UNSC had not encountered a single Turian civilian, because every Turian they encountered was armed and eager to open fire on the Humans. UNSC forces were pushing their way to Cipritine, Palaven's capital city, but it was slow going. The Turians were covering their retreat with mines, chemical traps, and even ambushes. The Humans were inching their way forward, but the Turians were making them pay for each and every inch in blood. Casualties on both sides were high.
Blue Team had just been issued a new assignment. They were tasked with eliminating a key target, a tactical guerrilla expert who's been leading some kind of civilian militia against the UNSC. The Turians called him 'Archangel,' making him a symbol of hope in the battle. ONI believes that terminating the Archangel would deliver a heavy blow to local Turian morale.
His last known location was at a gatehouse along the Nanus River. The good news was that UNSC forces were able to wipe out his whole team and have been keeping him pinned in that position for over a day. Bad news was he was slaughtering every soldier the brass sent over. The bridge in particular was a deathtrap. Tunnelers were working around the clock to dig underneath the gatehouse and take him by surprise. Until then, all the UNSC can do is fire on that position and hope that the next wave of soldiers charging across the bridge would last longer than the last one. The Spartan found it odd that the UNSC did all of this just to take down one Turian.
The Master Chief stood with his team behind a building adjacent to the bridge. Across the dirt road in the small town on the outskirts of Cipritine, was another squad of UNSC marines. Everyone was checking their weapons, getting ready for the charge. "Okay, here's the plan." Chief began over TEAMCOM. "Tali, James, you two are with me. We're going to charge straight across the bridge. Once we do, we'll activate our overshield programs. That should help us stand up to Archangel's sniper rifle better."
"You sure these overshields will work Sparks?" James asked Tali, addressing her by the nickname he gave her.
"Positive." Tali boasted in reply. "I designed them myself. Quarian shields are ironclad shields."
"Here's hoping you're right." Chief replied. "Everyone else stay here and open fire on Archangel's position. Keep his head down, just in case."
"Will do, Chief." Kaidan replied.
The Master Chief held up three fingers and wordlessly counted down. Once he tucked his third finger back in, he pumped his fist. He, James and Tali then activated their overshields and charged across the bridge. Chief looked up, expecting to see Archangel on the balcony of the gatehouse, clad in his by-now signature blue armor and aiming for the Spartan's head.
Except Archangel wasn't there. That's when he realized something was wrong.
It was then that the trio were suddenly enveloped in an explosion of blue static electricity. "Tech mine!" Tali yelped. It was then that Chief saw a Turian-shaped glimmer standing in the gatehouse's doorway.
"Take cover!" Chief yelled as he dived for the sandbag at the end of the bridge. He made it, but his two squadmates weren't as lucky. The Turian caught James right in the chest, knocking him to the ground with a yell of pain, clutching his chest wound.
"James!" Tali yelped as she tried to help her Human compatriot. Archangel fired again, the shot ripping through Tali's helmet, exiting the other side. The Quarian fell to the ground, blue-purple blood pouring out of the head wound.
Chief vaulted over the sandbag pile. Archangel decloaked in the doorway as Chief charged towards him, getting ready to hit him with a heavy punch. Archangel activated his overshields just in time. The Spartan punched the Turian right in the chest, sending Archangel flying across the room. He rolled backwards across the floor as he landed and came to a stop on one knee, his sniper rifle aiming for the Spartan.
Chief dived behind a table, but not before Archangel's shot brought down his shields. "So, _you're_ the Master Chief?" Archangel asked.
"Yeah. And you must be Archangel." Chief said as he switched to his shotgun as he waited for his shields to recharge.
"Oh, that's just a name the locals gave me for all my good deeds." Chief heard the Turian taunt. "I don't mind it, but you can just call me Garrus."
"You call setting traps for UNSC marines good deeds?" Chief said. "You call _killing_ my team in cold blood a good deed?"
"Considering you're all invading my home planet, yes. Yes I do." Archangel said.
"Well, I do good deeds too…." Chief said as he vaulted over the table and charged. Archangel rose from behind another table and fired off a shot. Chief's shields took the brunt of it as he rose his shotgun and fired, bringing down Archangel's shields as well. He rushed forward.
Spartan time kicked in.
He saw the Turian reach to his thigh and pull out an SMG in slow motion. He recognized the weapon as an M-8 Tempest, a small but powerful submachine gun that'll tear the Chief to shreds if he allows it to. But it wasn't even a contest. Chief could already tell that he would deliver his melee strike faster than Archangel could take aim and fire.
Chief smacked the side of Archangel's head with the butt of his shotgun, knocking the alien to the ground. The Turian tried to roll onto his back to raise his SMG, but Chief stomped on the arm that held the weapon, pinning it to the ground. The Turian yelled in pain as a snapping sound was heard.
Chief pointed the shotgun at Archangel's head and pulled the trigger.
…
1022 Hours, March 20th, 2683
Undisclosed Location in the Hades Nexus
….
The Battle of Palaven went on for another week. To their credit, the Turians fought until their last breath. But even they could only take so much. Once all the major population centers, including Cipritine, were taken, the Turians of Palaven knew the battle was lost.
n taking Palaven, the UNSC took the largest military installation in Citadel Space as well as the cultural and economic hub of the Turian Hierarchy. In addition, the UNSC hoped that the loss of Palaven would demoralize the Turians as well. Unfortunately, it only wound up strengthening the Turians' resolve. Compounding the issue, while the UNSC successfully killed Primarch Fedorian, the Hierarchy's political leader, a new Primarch has been named; Primarch Victus. Victus is a former-general and has galvanized the Turian colonies. Even after the Fall of Palaven, they still display no interest in surrender. The Citadel War was far from over.
The Master Chief walked through the halls of the ONI ship. His thoughts drifted to his squad. James and Tali were dead. Tali was shot in the head. Medical examiners said her death was instantaneous. James wasn't as lucky. Archangel's shot pierced his lung, which subsequently filled with blood. James died slowly, choking on his own blood. He was a good man. He deserved better than that.
The Chief was summoned here by ONI after the Fall of Palaven. Something about a new mission. Eventually, the Spartan came to a door that automatically opened, allowing him to walk through. The room was the admiral's quarters alright. Plush carpet, private bar, a desk made of real oak, as well as a massive window that took up an entire wall, though the window shutter was closed at the moment. Sitting at the desk was a large man with a shaven bald head and a thick raven-black beard. He had a single scar across his right eye; a souvenir from the First Contact War. The name on his desk read _Admiral Angus McCallister. _He was the current head of ONI.
The Chief saluted. "Sir."
"At ease, Chief." Admiral McCallister said in a Scottish accent. "Take a seat." he added as he pointed to one of the chairs in front of him.
The Spartan walked up to the desk. "Mind if I stand sir?"
McCallister chuckled at that. "I suppose not, in retrospect." Indeed, if Chief took a seat, he'd probably break the chair. "You're probably wondering why you're here."
"Yes sir." Chief replied.
"Well then, I won't beat around the bush." McCallister began. "For several years now, ONI Section Three has been secretly working on a new model of stealth frigate. I can't give you all the details; classified, you understand. But all you need to know is that it is capable of being completely invisible to ship sensors for up to several hours, making it a deadly reconnaissance weapon if used correctly."
The Admiral paused. "Two weeks ago, it was stolen."
"By who?" Master Chief asked.
"This Turian." McCallister said as he handed the Chief a datapad. Chief took the datapad and looked at the photo. It was a barefaced Turian with no tattoos, as well as elongated 'horns' extending back from the sides of his skull. "Saren Arterius. He and a small group of other Turians, plus some Salarians and Asari, broke into one of our compounds and stole the stealth frigate from dry dock."
"Hierarchy Blackwatch?" Chief asked.
"You wish." McCallister replied with a chuckle. "Spectre. One of the Council's personal lap dogs, and one of the best ones they've got. Your mission will be track him down."
The Chief was taken aback. "Track him down, sir?"
"We can't have a Council Spectre flying up and down the galaxy with a sophisticated prototype stealth frigate." McCallister stated. "He could be in UNSC territory _right bloody now_, and we'd never know it."
"With all due respect sir, how am I supposed to track down someone like that?" Chief asked.
McCallister smiled an evil smile. "Saren isn't the only one with a fancy ship." McCallister then got up from his desk and walked over to the window. He pressed the button to open the shutters. Chief walked up to the window and saw something floating in space.
It was massive. Five kilometers from bow to stern. It was black as night in color, though the Spartan could just make out some red lights along its surface. Most odd of all, its shape reminded the Chief of a squid or cuttlefish. It was being tended to by smaller UNSC research and maintenance ships that looked like cleaner fish before it. "What is it?" Chief asked.
"A ship." the admiral plainly answered.
"Another prototype from Section Three?" Chief asked.
"Nope. Prothean artifact. It's in pretty damn good shape for being over fifty thousand years, but I suppose the vacuum of space probably helped with that. Section One found it floating around near the Perseus Veil and brought it here for study. From what we can tell, it's a warship." McCallister explained. He turned to the Chief. "She's yours now, Chief."
"Mine?" Chief asked.
"The _Sovereign_ is intimidatingly large and overwhelmingly powerful. Perfect ship for a Spartan." McCallister said.
"Sir, I don't know if I can be a ship captain." Chief said. "I'm just a Master Chief."
"Not anymore." Admiral McCallister said. "On behalf of the United Nations Space Command, I hereby promote you to Commander. You are now the acting commanding officer of the _Sovereign_ and all her crew. Are we clear on that?"
"…Yes sir." Chief replied.
"Good." the admiral said. "And don't worry. Humanity has seen you adapt to various circumstances before, and you came through for us every time. This time will be no different." He turned and began to walk out of the office. "Be in the hangar in thirty minutes. The engineers will give you a tour of your new ship and show you all the bells and whistles." With that, McCallister left.
Chief looked back out the window to the odd ship…._his _ship, he realized.
…This was good. This was good that he was going to be the commander of this ship. The _Sovereign _was going to serve the Chief well. Not only will it help him track down Saren Arterius, but it will also lead Humanity to victory.
Chief wasn't sure why he felt that. Just a good feeling, he supposed.
…..
**And there you have it, folks! The Last Spartan; finally perfected! And this is just the beginning! I look forward to writing about the Master Chief's adventures as he travels the galaxy on board the **_**Sovereign. **_**Great things are on the horizon, I think.**
**I apologize if my grammar and spelling aren't up to par here. I didn't have time to proofread like I usually do, as I had a tight deadline to meet. Thankfully, I was able to post this exactly when I was supposed to post it :)**
2. To quote Dark Helmet FOOOLED YOOOOU!
**Okay. 24 Hours, over fifty reviews, over thirty follows, and a mention of this little incident under "Crowning Moment of Funny" on The Last Spartan's TVtropes page. I think this joke has gone on long enough.**
**That's right! April Fools! A little late, yes, but take note of the date on which this fanfic was originally posted. It DOES indeed say 4-1-13, so in my book, I posted it on the right day. Thirty minutes before midnight, but the right day nonetheless.**
**To any who were fooled by this little gag of mine and were very upset as a result, I sincerely apologize. Don't worry. The original Last Spartan isn't going anywhere. Though I may follow the advice of reviewers like Korten and Warmaster Tzeentch, and maybe turn this fanfic into what TVtropes calls a "Mirror Universe" style spin-off. I'll think about it.**
**And to any who were fooled by this hoax and were actually very **_**happy**_** about this reboot…**
**Pffffffffff-HAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Really? What? Really? You mean you actually BOUGHT that?! Oh my God, you FELL for that! You fell for that like an apple on Isaac Newton's head! AAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAA **…
**.aha…...**
…**.ahahaha…...**
**ahoohoohooooo…...**
**Best April Fool's Day of my life.**
End file.
| fanfiction |
the compact stars provide a unique astrophysical testing ground to explore the nature of matter under extreme conditions @xcite .
neutron stars ( nss ) are a class of densest compact stars in the universe . in the interior of nss ,
the baryon number density can reach or even be larger than about @xmath0 times normal nuclear matter density and thus hyperons , meson condensations and even quark matter may be present there .
the study of nss has provided us important information about the equation of state ( eos ) of neutron - rich nuclear matter @xcite .
theoretically , nss may be converted to ( strange ) quark stars ( qss ) , which is made purely of deconfined @xmath1 , @xmath2 , and @xmath3 quark matter ( with some leptons due to charge neutrality and @xmath4-equilibrium ) , i.e. , strange quark matter ( sqm ) @xcite .
the possible existence of qss is one of the most intriguing aspects of modern astrophysics and has important implications for the strong interaction matter at high baryon densities , especially the properties of sqm that essentially determine the structure of qss . in terrestrial laboratories ,
the properties of sqm can be explored by heavy ion collisions , e.g. , the beam - energy scan program at rhic as well as the experiments planned in the facility for antiproton and ion research ( fair ) at gsi and the nuclotron - based ion collider facility ( nica ) at jinr , which aim to give a detailed picture of the qcd phase structure , especially to locate the so - called qcd critical point @xcite .
these studies on sqm have become nowadays one of the fundamental issues in nuclear physics , astrophysics and cosmology . theoretically , according to the bodmer - witten - terazawa hypothesis @xcite
, sqm might be the true ground state of qcd matter ( i.e. , the strong interaction matter ) and is absolutely stable .
the properties of sqm in qss can not be calculated directly by either the _ ab initio _
lattice qcd or the perturbative qcd ( pqcd ) because of the difficulty in treating the finite baryon chemical potential or the low energy scale , and thus a number of phenomenological models have been proposed to explore the properties of sqm , such as mit bag model @xcite , the nambu - jona - lasinio ( njl ) model @xcite , the pqcd approach @xcite , the dyson - schwinger approach @xcite , the confined - density - dependent - mass ( cddm ) model @xcite , and the quasi - particle model @xcite . within an isospin - extended version of the cddm model ,
i.e. , the confined isospin- and density - dependent mass ( ciddm ) model @xcite in which the quark confinement is modeled by the density- and isospin - dependent quark masses , it has been shown recently that qss provide an excellent astrophysical laboratory to explore the properties of sqm , especially the quark matter symmetry energy . in the work of ref .
@xcite , it has been assumed that the magnetic field effects can be neglected in qss .
an important aspect of the compact star physics is that compact stars could be endowed with strong magnetic fields .
large magnetic field strength of @xmath5 g has been estimated at the surface of compact stars @xcite .
the magnetic field strength may reach as large as @xmath6 g in the core of compact stars @xcite . in the work by ferrer _ et al . _
@xcite , the estimated magnetic field strength in the core of the self - bound qss can even reach about @xmath7 g. in such tremendous magnetic fields , the spatial rotational ( @xmath8 ) symmetry will break and one must consider the pressure anisotropy of the system @xcite . furthermore , in order to describe the spatial distribution of the magnetic field strength in compact stars , people usually introduce a density - dependent magnetic field profile @xcite . therefore , it is interesting and important to study the effects of the spatial distribution of the magnetic field strength and orientation on the properties of compact stars .
these studies are critical for accurately determining the properties ( e.g. , eos ) of dense matter by comparing the model results with the astrophysical observations of compact stars . as a matter of fact , it is still controversial about if the inclusion of the magnetic fields can enhance or reduce the maximum mass of the compact stars @xcite .
the main motivation of the present work is to explore the properties of sqm and qss under strong magnetic fields .
we demonstrate that both the strength distribution and the orientation of the magnetic fields inside the qss are important for understanding the properties of the qss , and depending on the magnetic field orientation , the maximum qs mass can be either enhanced or reduced .
the paper is organized as follows .
we describe in sec .
[ model ] the theoretical models and methods used in the present paper , and then present the results and discussions in sec . [ result ] .
finally , a conclusion is given in sec .
[ summary ] .
the confined isospin- and density - dependent mass ( i.e. , the ciddm ) model @xcite is an extended version of the cddm model @xcite for quark matter by introducing the isospin dependence of the quark equivalent mass . in the ciddm model ,
the quark confinement is modeled by the density- and isospin - dependent quark masses .
particularly , the equivalent quark mass in isospin asymmetric quark matter with baryon number density @xmath9 and isospin asymmetry @xmath10 is expressed as @xmath11 where @xmath12 is the quark current mass , @xmath13 reflects the flavor - independent quark interactions in quark matter , and @xmath14 represents the isospin dependent quark interactions in quark matter . for @xmath13 ,
the constant @xmath15 is the quark mass scaling parameter and the constant @xmath16 is a parameter determined by stability arguments of sqm . for @xmath14 ,
the constants @xmath17 , @xmath18 and @xmath4 are parameters determining the isospin dependence of quark effective interactions in quark matter , @xmath19 is the isospin quantum number for quarks and we set @xmath20 for @xmath21 ( @xmath1 quarks ) , @xmath22 for @xmath23 ( @xmath2 quarks ) , and @xmath24 for @xmath25 ( @xmath3 quarks ) . as usual @xcite
, the isospin asymmetry is defined as @xmath26 which equals to @xmath27 with the isospin density @xmath28 and @xmath29 for two - flavor @xmath1-@xmath2 quark matter .
especially , one has @xmath30 ( @xmath31 ) for quark matter converted by pure neutron ( proton ) matter according to the nucleon constituent quark structure , consistent with the conventional definition for nuclear matter , i.e. , @xmath32 . from eq .
( [ mqiso ] ) , one can see that the quark confinement condition @xmath33 can be guaranteed if @xmath34 and @xmath35 .
furthermore , if @xmath36 , one then has @xmath37 and thus the asymptotic freedom @xmath38 is satisfied . for two - flavor @xmath1-@xmath2
quark matter , the chiral symmetry is restored at high density due to @xmath39 if the current masses of @xmath1 and @xmath2 quarks are neglected .
in addition , the equivalent quark mass in eq .
( [ mqiso ] ) also satisfies the exchange symmetry between @xmath1 and @xmath2 quarks which is required by isospin symmetry of the strong interaction .
therefore , the phenomenological parametrization form of the isospin dependent equivalent quark mass in eq .
( [ mqiso ] ) is quite general and respects the basic features of qcd . for more details about the ciddm model , the reader
is referred to ref .
@xcite . as demonstrated in ref .
@xcite , including the isospin dependent quark effective interactions @xmath40 in the equivalent quark mass can significantly influence the quark matter symmetry energy as well as the properties of sqm and qss . in particular , the most recently discovered large mass pulsar psr j0348 + 0432 with a mass of @xmath41 can be described as a qs within the ciddm model if the two - flavor @xmath1-@xmath2 quark matter symmetry energy is large enough and the value of the quark mass scaling parameter @xmath42 is selected appropriately .
for instance , the parameter set di-85 ( @xmath43 ) , for which we have @xmath44 mev@xmath45@xmath46 , @xmath47 , @xmath48 @xmath49 , @xmath50 mev@xmath45@xmath51 , @xmath43 , @xmath52 mev and @xmath53 mev , can predict a qs with a mass of @xmath54 , corresponding to the measured center value for the pulsar psr j0348 + 0432 @xcite .
the corresponding radius of the predicted qs ( with a mass of @xmath54 ) is @xmath55 km , the central baryon number density is @xmath56 @xmath57 , and the surface ( zero - pressure point ) baryon number density is @xmath58 @xmath57 . in addition
, the strength of the two - flavor @xmath1-@xmath2 quark matter symmetry energy from di-85 ( @xmath43 ) is about two times larger than that of the free quark gas or that predicted by the conventional njl model . in this work ,
we study the properties of sqm and qs s under strong magnetic fields in the ciddm model with di-85 ( @xmath43 ) .
the energy spectrum of a fermion ( e.g. , quarks and leptons ) with electric charge @xmath59 in an external constant magnetic field with strength @xmath60 can be expressed as @xcite @xmath61 where @xmath62 is the momentum in the @xmath15 direction ( here the magnetic field is assumed to be along the @xmath15 axis ) , @xmath63 is mass , and @xmath64 represents the landau levels with @xmath65 being the principal quantum number and @xmath66 denoting the spin ( `` @xmath67 '' for spin - up and `` @xmath31 '' for spin - down ) . similarly to the works in refs .
@xcite , we do not consider here the contributions from the anomalous magnetic moments since they are not well understood for quarks in the deconfined condition and are insignificant for leptons @xcite . in this work
, we study the thermodynamic properties of magnetized sqm at zero temperature within the ciddm model .
the thermodynamic potential of sqm under a constant magnetic field @xmath60 can then be expressed as @xmath68 with @xmath69&\notag\\ = & - \sum\limits_{\nu=0}^{\nu_{max}^i}\frac{g_i(|{q_i}|b)}{2\pi^2}\alpha_{\nu}\bigg\{\frac{1}{2}\mu_i^ * \sqrt{{\mu_i^*}^2-s_i(\nu , b)^2}&\notag\\ & -\frac{s_i(\nu , b)^2}{2}\ln\bigg[\frac{\mu_i^*+\sqrt{{\mu_i^*}^2-s_i(\nu , b)^2}}{s_i(\nu , b)}\bigg]\bigg\}.&\end{aligned}\ ] ] in the above expressions , @xmath70 represents each particle contribution to the thermodynamic potential , @xmath71 in the sum is for all flavors of quarks and leptons , and @xmath72 .
the degeneracy factor @xmath73 for quarks and @xmath74 for leptons , and the fermi energy for quarks and leptons is @xmath75 with @xmath76 being the fermi momentum and @xmath77 .
the highest landau level is defined as @xmath78,\end{aligned}\ ] ] where int[@xmath79 is the integer function .
the total energy density of the system is thus obtained as @xmath80}\bigg\}+\frac{b^2}{2},&\end{aligned}\ ] ] where the term @xmath81 comes from the magnetic field contribution and @xmath82 is the number density of quarks and leptons given by @xmath83 we note that for the cases we consider in this work , muons will not appear in sqm due to the small chemical potential of electrons . the electric charge neutrality condition of sqm can thus be written as @xmath84 for sqm , we assume it is neutrino free and the @xmath85-equilibrium condition in sqm can then be expressed as @xmath86 where @xmath87 ( @xmath88 , @xmath2 , @xmath3 and @xmath89 ) represents the particle chemical potential . for quarks ,
the chemical potential in sqm can be obtained as @xmath90 one can see from eq .
( [ mu ] ) that , owing to the density dependence of the equivalent quark mass , there are additional terms in the chemical potential compared to the case of free fermi gas .
therefore , the chemical potential of @xmath1 , @xmath2 and @xmath3 quarks in sqm can be obtained , respectively , as @xmath91\frac{6n_d}{(n_u+n_d)^2}+\mu_{den},&\\ \mu_d&=\mu_d^*+d_i n_b^\alpha e^{-\beta n_b}\bigg [ \frac{\partial \omega_d}{\partial m_d}-\frac{\partial\omega_u}{\partial m_u}\bigg ] \frac{6n_u}{(n_u+n_d)^2}+\mu_{den},&\\ \mu_s&=\mu_s^ * + \mu_{den},&\end{aligned}\ ] ] with @xmath92,\end{aligned}\ ] ] and @xmath93\times \notag\\ & & \bigg\{-\frac{zd}{n_b^{(1+z)}}-\tau_jd_i\delta[\alpha n_b^{\alpha-1}-\beta n_b^\alpha]e^{-\beta n_b}\bigg\}.\end{aligned}\ ] ] the chemical potential of leptons can be written as @xmath94 for sqm under a constant magnetic field , the @xmath95 rotational symmetry is broken and the pressure of the system becomes anisotropic , i.e. , it is split into the longitudinal pressure @xmath96 which is parallel to the magnetic field and the transverse pressure @xmath97 which is perpendicular to the magnetic field .
the expressions of @xmath96 and @xmath97 for a magnetized fermion system can be written as @xcite @xmath98 where @xmath99 is the system magnetization .
it is interesting to see that the longitudinal pressure @xmath96 satisfies the hugenholtz - van hove ( hvh ) theorem @xcite while the transverse pressure @xmath97 has extra contributions from the magnetic field .
this feature will lead to the fact that the zero - pressure point density coincides with the density at the minimum of the energy per baryon for @xmath96 but not for @xmath97 , as will be shown later . in the ciddm model ,
the longitudinal and transverse pressures of the system under a constant magnetic field can thus be expressed , respectively , as @xmath100 where the system magnetization @xmath99 is given by @xmath101 with @xmath102dk_z,\end{aligned}\ ] ] and @xmath103 .
it should be emphasized that the longitudinal and transverse pressures in eqs .
( [ plong2 ] ) and ( [ pperp2 ] ) include the contributions from the magnetic fields .
in particular , one can see that the magnetic energy density term @xmath81 contributes oppositely to the longitudinal and transverse pressures under a constant magnetic field , and it decreases the former while increases the latter , which will lead to a tremendous difference between the longitudinal and transverse pressure when the magnetic field is very strong .
it is generally believed that the magnetic field strength in the core of compact stars should be much larger than that at the surface , and a density - dependent magnetic field profile is usually introduced to describe this behavior for the spatial distribution of the magnetic field strength in the compact stars @xcite . in the present work , we use the following popular parametrization for the density - dependent magnetic field profile in qss @xcite @xmath104 , \label{brhoeq}\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath105 is the magnetic field strength at the surface of compact stars and its value is fixed at @xmath106 g in this work , @xmath107 @xmath57 is the normal nuclear matter density , @xmath108 is a parameter with dimension of @xmath60 , @xmath109 and @xmath110 are two dimensionless parameters that control how exactly the magnetic field strength decays from the center to the surface .
besides the spatial distribution of the magnetic field strength in the compact stars , the orientation of the magnetic fields is also expected to be important for the structure of the compact stars since the pressure ( including the contribution from the magnetic fields ) may become significantly anisotropic under strong magnetic fields .
consequently , the gravitational field in magnetized stars is no longer spherically symmetric due to the pressure anisotropy and the well - known tolman - oppenheimer - volkoff ( tov ) equations @xcite generally can not be applied to calculate the structure of the magnetized compact stars since they are only valid for spherically symmetric compact stars .
since there is no empirical information on the magnetic field orientation inside the compact stars , in the present work , we assume two extremely special cases for the orientation of the magnetic fields inside the compact stars : one is that the local magnetic fields are along the radial direction ( denoted as `` radial orientation '' ) , and the other is that the local magnetic fields are perpendicular to the radial direction but randomly oriented in the plane perpendicular to the radial direction ( denoted as `` transverse orientation '' ) .
it should be mentioned that the magnetic fields pass through the centra of the spherical compact stars for the radial orientation . in these two extreme cases ,
the pressure distribution inside the static compact stars can be considered to be spherically symmetric and thus the gravitational field as well as the static compact stars are spherically symmetric too .
for these two extreme cases for the orientation of the magnetic fields , one thus can calculate the structure of the static magnetized compact stars by solving the following tov equations : @xmath111\bigg[1+\frac{4\pi p(r)r^3}{m(r)}\bigg]\times \notag \\ & \bigg[1-\frac{2gm(r)}{r}\bigg]^{-1},\end{aligned}\ ] ] where @xmath112 is the total mass inside the sphere of radius @xmath113 , @xmath114 is the corresponding energy density ( including the magnetic field contribution ) , @xmath115 is the corresponding ( radial ) pressure ( including the magnetic field contribution ) , and @xmath116 is newton s gravitational constant .
we would like to point out that the radial and transverse orientations have been assumed to be inside the compact stars and the magnetic field orientation outside the compact stars or close the surface of the compact stars may change and become nonspherically symmetric . on the other hand , it should be mentioned that around the surface of compact stars , the magnetic field strength relatively is quite weak ( @xmath117 g ) and the pressure is very small , and thus the magnetic fields around the surface is not important for the structure of qss . for more general cases of magnetic field orientations and/or distributions in the magnetized compact stars where the spherical symmetry is broken ,
einstein field equations should be solved self - consistently to calculate the structure of the compact stars , and this is beyond the scope of the present work and yet to be constructed .
g , @xmath118 g and @xmath119 g within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) . ]
we first present the results for the properties of sqm under a constant magnetic field . using the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) ,
we show in fig .
[ eosb ] the energy per baryon and the corresponding longitudinal and transverse pressures as functions of the baryon density for sqm under constant magnetic fields with three strengthes of @xmath120 g , @xmath118 g and @xmath119 g. one can see that for all the three values of the magnetic field strength @xmath60 , the density at the minimum of energy per baryon is exactly equal to the zero point density of the longitudinal pressure @xmath96 , which is consistent with hvh theorem ( as shown in eq .
( [ plong ] ) ) and the thermodynamic self - consistency as in the case without magnetic fields @xcite .
furthermore , it is seen that the density at the minimum of energy per baryon increases with the magnetic field strength , i.e. , it varies from @xmath121 @xmath57 to @xmath122 @xmath57 and then to @xmath123 @xmath57 when @xmath60 changes from @xmath124 g to @xmath118 g and then to @xmath119 g. in addition , one can also see from fig .
[ eosb ] that at a fixed density , the transverse pressure @xmath97 increases while the longitudinal pressure @xmath96 decreases with the increment of the magnetic field strength @xmath60 , leading to a clear splitting between @xmath97 and @xmath96 under the constant magnetic fields .
this pressure splitting ( i.e. , anisotropy ) rapidly increases with @xmath60 .
the pressure anisotropy under strong magnetic fields is due to the additional terms of @xmath125 and magnetization of the system appeared in @xmath97 as shown in eqs .
( [ plong ] ) and ( [ pperp ] ) . as functions of the magnetic field strength @xmath60 for sqm at baryon number densities of @xmath126 , @xmath127 , and @xmath128 within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) .
the corresponding pressures at @xmath129 ( @xmath130 ) are also included for comparison . ] in order to quantitatively describe the pressure anisotropy under strong magnetic fields , one can define a normalized pressure splitting factor as @xmath131 from this definition , one has @xmath132 if there is no splitting between @xmath97 and @xmath96 , and @xmath133 for the extremely anisotropic case with @xmath134 . shown in fig .
[ ptlconstb ] are the transverse and longitudinal pressures together with the pressure splitting factor @xmath135 as functions of the magnetic field strength @xmath60 for sqm at three baryon number densities of @xmath126 , @xmath127 , and @xmath128 within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) . for comparison , the corresponding pressures at @xmath129 are also included fig . [ ptlconstb ] .
we would like to point out that the central baryon density in qss is roughly around @xmath128 , and @xmath126 and @xmath127 are two typical values of baryon density in qss .
one can see from fig .
[ ptlconstb ] that , when the magnetic field strength is larger than a certain value of @xmath136 below which the magnetic field effects on the pressure are essentially negligible ( with @xmath137 ) , the transverse pressure @xmath97 increases rapidly while the longitudinal pressure @xmath96 decreases rapidly with increment of @xmath60 , leading to a rapid enhancement of @xmath138 .
when the magnetic field strength @xmath60 further increases and reaches a critical value of @xmath139 , the @xmath96 becomes to zero ( and thus @xmath140 ) .
when the magnetic field strength is larger than @xmath139 , the @xmath96 becomes negative and thus the system becomes unstable .
therefore , @xmath139 is the largest magnetic field strength that a stable sqm in qss can have .
in addition , it is seen from fig .
[ ptlconstb ] that the values of @xmath136 and @xmath139 depend on the baryon density , and particularly we have @xmath141 g and @xmath142 g for @xmath126 , @xmath143 g and @xmath144 g for @xmath145 , and @xmath146 g and @xmath147 g for @xmath148 . for a magnetized compact star , it is thus important to ensure @xmath149 for all matter inside the compact stars .
, longitudinal and transverse pressures as well as the pressure splitting factor @xmath138 for sqm in qss using the slow b - profile ( solid lines ) and fast b - profile ( dashed lines ) within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) .
@xmath150 g ( left panels ) and @xmath151 g ( right panels ) are considered . ] as mentioned earlier , the magnetic field strength is generally believed to be varied inside the magnetized compact stars , and a density - dependent magnetic field profile of eq .
( [ brhoeq ] ) is usually introduced to mimic the magnetic field strength distribution inside the stars .
due to our poor knowledge on the magnetic field strength distribution inside the stars , we consider in this work two sets of values for the dimensionless parameters @xmath109 and @xmath110 , i.e. , the fast - varied magnetic field profile with @xmath152 and @xmath153 ( denoted as `` fast b - profile '' ) and the slow - varied magnetic field profile with @xmath154 and @xmath155 ( denoted as `` slow b - profile '' ) .
using these two different magnetic field profiles , we show in fig .
[ brho ] the density dependence of the magnetic field strength @xmath60 , the longitudinal and transverse pressures as well as the corresponding pressure splitting factor @xmath138 for sqm using @xmath150 g and @xmath156 g within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) . from fig .
[ brho ] , one can see that the fast b - profile gives a stronger density dependence of magnetic field strength , i.e. , a faster decay for the magnetic field strength from high densities ( e.g. , the core of compact stars ) to low densities ( e.g. , the surface of compact stars ) , than the slow b - profile as expected . for the smaller value of @xmath108 ( @xmath150 g ) , one can see that @xmath97 is larger than @xmath96 at higher densities and then they approach to zero almost at the same density of about @xmath157 @xmath57 . for this smaller value of @xmath108 , the pressure splitting between @xmath97 and @xmath96 is not so big and we have @xmath158 ( i.e. , @xmath159 ) at @xmath160 @xmath57 . the peak of @xmath138 around @xmath157 @xmath57 is due to the vanishing of @xmath96 there , which corresponds to the surface of qss .
in addition , it is seen that the difference between the eoss of sqm with the fast b - profile and the slow b - profile is small for @xmath150 g. on the other hand , for @xmath156 g , one can see that @xmath97 is significantly larger than @xmath96 at higher densities , and while @xmath97 always increases with @xmath9 , @xmath96 decreases with @xmath9 when @xmath161 @xmath57 , leading to a very big pressure splitting between @xmath97 and @xmath96 at higher densities , i.e. , @xmath162 ( corresponding to @xmath163 ) at @xmath160 @xmath57 .
therefore , the pressure could be strongly anisotropic in the core of qss for @xmath156 g. furthermore , for the larger @xmath108 ( i.e. , @xmath156 g ) , one can see from fig .
[ brho ] that different b - profiles have obvious effects on @xmath97 and @xmath96 as well as their splitting . with the fast b - profile ( a ) and the slow b - profile ( b ) within the ciddm model with di-85(z=1.8 ) .
the shaded band represents the pulsar mass of @xmath164 from psr j0348 + 0432 @xcite .
] the strong pressure anisotropy under strong magnetic fields implies the orientation of the magnetic fields in qss should play an important role on the structure of qss . shown in fig .
[ mb0 ] is the maximum mass of static qss using the transverse and radial orientations of the magnetic fields as a function of @xmath108 with the fast b - profile and the slow b - profile within the ciddm model with di-85 ( z=1.8 ) .
it is interesting to see that , while the maximum mass of static qss increases with @xmath108 for the transverse orientation , it significantly decreases with @xmath108 for the radial orientation , especially when @xmath108 is larger than about @xmath119 g. this orientation effect becomes more pronounced for the slow b - profile . for the fast b - profile
, one can see from fig .
[ mb0 ] ( a ) that the maximum mass of static qss with the transverse ( radial ) orientation can reach about @xmath165 ( @xmath166 ) at @xmath167 g which corresponds to the upper limit of @xmath108 and further increasing @xmath108 would lead to negative @xmath96 in the core of the qss . in order to see the effect of the magnetic field orientation on the maximum mass of qss
, we define the normalized mass asymmetry @xmath168 for the maximum qs mass as @xmath169 where @xmath170 ( @xmath171 ) represents the maximum mass of qss with transverse ( radial ) orientation . for the fast b - profile
, the largest mass asymmetry is found to be @xmath172 at @xmath173 g from fig .
[ mb0 ] ( a ) .
in addition , for the slow b - profile , it is seen from fig .
[ mb0 ] ( b ) that the maximum mass of static qss with the transverse ( radial ) orientation can reach about @xmath174 ( @xmath175 ) at @xmath176 g which corresponds to the upper limit of @xmath108 above which the negative @xmath96 can appear in the core of qss , and the corresponding largest mass asymmetry is @xmath177 at @xmath176 g. therefore , our results indicate that the maximum mass of magnetized qss may depend on both the strength distribution and the orientation of the magnetic fields inside the stars .
it should be mentioned that the above results and discussions are based on a special interaction parameter set , i.e. , di-85 ( z=1.8 ) , in the ciddm model . in order to check the robustness of our conclusions and see the effects of the isospin dependence of equivalent quark mass on the properties of sqm under strong magnetic fields
, we have further investigated the case with @xmath178 , i.e. , the parameter set di-0 ( z=1.8 ) , for which we have @xmath178 ( thus the parameters @xmath179 and @xmath85 are not involved ) , @xmath180 mev@xmath45@xmath51 , @xmath43 , @xmath52 mev and @xmath53 mev , and the maximum qs mass predicted by di-0 ( z=1.8 ) without including magnetic fields is @xmath181 . we find that the parameter set di-0 ( z=1.8 ) generally predicts a softer eos of sqm and smaller values of the maximum qs mass but almost the same magnetic field effects on the pressure anisotropy ( pressure splitting factor @xmath135 ) and the qs mass asymmetry @xmath168 , compared with the parameter set di-85 ( z=1.8 ) . due to the softening of the eos of sqm with di-0 ( z=1.8 ) , the values of the critical magnetic field strength @xmath139 as shown in fig .
[ ptlconstb ] decrease correspondingly and even disappear ( e.g. , at @xmath182 ) .
these features imply that our main conclusion about the magnetic field effects on the properties of qss remains unchanged even if various interactions are used .
furthermore , the high density quark matter might be in a color superconducting phase @xcite .
the possible quark color superconducting phases mainly include the two - flavor color superconductor ( 2sc ) @xcite , the color - flavor - locked ( cfl ) phase @xcite , and the crystalline color superconductor ( ccs ) @xcite . in the present work , for simplicity ,
we have not considered color superconducting phases . in recent years , significant progress has been made to understand the magnetic field effects on the properties of quark color superconducting phases @xcite .
in particular , by modeling the quark confinement within an effective bag model , the eos of the magnetic - color - flavor - locked ( mcfl ) phase and the corresponding qs structure under a constant magnetic field have been investigated in ref .
it is nice to see that the magnetic field effects on the pressure anisotropy and the qs mass obtained in ref .
@xcite are quite similar with our present predictions based on the density dependent magnetic field strength in the ciddm model .
it will be interesting to see how exactly the quark color superconducting phases affect the properties of sqm and qss under strong magnetic fields within the ciddm model .
we have studied the properties of strange quark matter and quark stars under strong magnetic fields by using the confined isospin- and density - dependent mass model .
the equation of state of strange quark matter under constant magnetic fields has been calculated self - consistently and the pressure of the system is shown to be anisotropic along and perpendicular to the magnetic field direction with the former being generally larger than the latter .
the pressure of the system may become significantly anisotropic when the magnetic field strength is very strong and thus the properties of magnetized quark stars may significantly depend on the magnetic field orientation inside the stars . using a density - dependent magnetic field profile to simulate the magnetic field strength distribution in a star ,
we have studied the properties of static spherical quark stars by considering two hypothetical cases for the orientation of the magnetic fields inside the stars , i.e. , the radial orientation in which the local magnetic fields are along the radial direction and the transverse orientation in which the local magnetic fields are perpendicular to the radial direction but randomly oriented in the plane perpendicular to the radial direction .
based on these two extreme cases of the magnetic field orientation , we have demonstrated that the maximum mass of static magnetized quark stars may significantly depend on the magnetic field orientation inside the stars , and the magnetic fields with radial ( transverse ) orientation can significantly decrease ( increase ) the maximum mass of the quark stars .
the maximum mass of static magnetized quark stars has also been found to depend on the details of the density - dependent magnetic field profile .
therefore , our present results have shown that besides the strength distribution , the orientation of the magnetic fields inside the quark stars is also important for the properties of quark stars under strong magnetic fields . for a fixed density - dependent magnetic field profile , including the magnetic fields can either enhance or reduce the maximum mass of static magnetized quark stars , depending on the magnetic field orientation inside the stars .
this work was supported in part by the nnsf of china under grant nos .
11275125 and 11135011 , the shanghai rising - star program under grant no .
11qh1401100 , the shu guang " project supported by shanghai municipal education commission and shanghai education development foundation , the program for professor of special appointment ( eastern scholar ) at shanghai institutions of higher learning , the national basic research program of china ( 973 program ) under contract no .
2015cb856900 , and the science and technology commission of shanghai municipality ( 11dz2260700 ) .
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carotid body tumors ( cbt ) are rare chemical receptor tumors which accounts for 0.6% of the head and neck tumors in human .
although surgical resection is a reliable therapeutic method for cbt , the procedure is technically challenge for surgeons due to the tumor 's adjacent to great vessels and cranial nerve .
we report nine cases of cbt who were treated at our center during 2004 to 2008 with a literature review .
from 2004 to 2008 , nine patients were diagnosed as cbt at the department of vascular surgery , xuanwu hospital , capital medical university . among them , five were male , the mean age was 43 years ( range from 26 to 84 years ) .
low echo - level chunks were detected in external carotid arteries and internal carotid arteries .
seven patients underwent transcranial doppler ( tcd ) sonography before the surgery ( figure 2 ) . in all of these patients ,
the carotid artery compression test showed that blood flow in cerebral arteries decreased by 60% or more .
three patients had ct examination with angiography plus three - dimensional reconstruction , which showed that soft tissues encased the posterior lateral side of the left common carotid artery bulb .
all patients had digital subtraction angiography ( dsa ) , which showed abnormal accumulation of contrast medium at the crotch of common carotid artery .
four patients were classified as type i , two as type ii and three as type iii .
four of them underwent simple carotid body tumor resection , two underwent carotid body tumor resection and ligation of external carotid artery and two had common carotid artery - internal carotid artery artificial vascular reconstruction .
no perioperative mortality and stroke occurred . during a mean follow - up of 2.2 years ( 3 months to 6 years )
, the patient who refused surgery died three years after the diagnosis due to complications from bone fracture .
the patient with malignant tumor died two years after the surgery due to multiple metastases .
cbt is the most frequently diagnosed carotid body disease and is also termed as chemodectoma .
it is originated from nervous crest and belongs to nonchromaffin paraganglioma , which is similar to chromaffin suprarenal medulla tumors ( such as chromaffin tumors ) with the same origin in histology .
cbt can be found at any age and is frequently seen in those between 50 and 70 years old , which slightly higher prevalence in women than men .
bilateral disease is significantly more frequent in familial ( 31.8% of cases ) than in non - familial cbt ( 4.4% ) .
the blood supply of cbt is abundant , which is mainly from external carotid artery and branches .
blood supplies from internal carotid artery , vertebral artery , ascending pharyngeal artery and superior thyroid artery have also been reported .
in addition to external carotid artery , multiple blood supply from internal carotid artery , thyrocervical trunk , vertebral artery and ascending pharyngeal artery were also found in two patients in our case series .
color doppler ultrasound , a simple and non - invasive examination , has relatively high specificity and sensitivity for cbt .
other diagnostic methods include aspiration - needle biopsy , ct and mri . the accuracy of mri is higher in comparison to that of ct . furthermore , mri is not radioactive , and the diagnostic rate for multiple lesions is particularly important for the patients with family history .
shamblin research group classified cbt into type i ( localized type ) , type ii ( partially wrapped type ) and type iii ( wrapped type ) . with the higher shamblin grading ,
the possibilities for injuries in cranial nerves , fragility of cervical great vessels are higher during or after operations .
recent advance in vascular imaging techniques have enabled preoperative grading for tumor size , which can be completely consistent with the shamblin grading during operations .
, we have divided the surgery into four types according to shamblin grading and tumor blood supply .
simple resection of carotid body tumor is the most ideal operation form , which would not damage the shape and distribution of cervical arteries .
thus , it is suitable for shamblin type i / ii cases without abundant blood supply .
carotid body tumor resection and reconstructive vascular operation ( including simple vascular anastomosis , internal carotid artery - common carotid artery artificial and autologous reconstructive vascular operation ) are suitable for shamblin type iii cases with enormous tumors and malignant tumors involving important peripheral vessels . in the carotid body tumor resection and ligation of common carotid artery ,
cerebral ischemia is a relatively common complication and now is only used for emergent treatments .
medullary chromaffinoma is always benign and the incidence of malignant tumors is lower than 10% .
one case of malignant cbt in our patients had vertebral body metastasis two years after resection and finally died of the disease .
hu et al . summarized 967 patients in 36 centers from 1962 to 2001 and reported that radiotherapy can be used as the adjunctive therapy for primary and metastatic foci .
the efficacy for local control was equal to that for operations and the incidence of complications was significantly reduced in comparison to that for operations .
however , results from prospective studies of radiotherapy for malignant cbt are still unavailable and it is not routinely .
color doppler ultrasound , a simple and non - invasive examination , has relatively high specificity and sensitivity for cbt .
other diagnostic methods include aspiration - needle biopsy , ct and mri . the accuracy of mri is higher in comparison to that of ct .
furthermore , mri is not radioactive , and the diagnostic rate for multiple lesions is particularly important for the patients with family history .
shamblin research group classified cbt into type i ( localized type ) , type ii ( partially wrapped type ) and type iii ( wrapped type ) . with the higher shamblin grading ,
the possibilities for injuries in cranial nerves , fragility of cervical great vessels are higher during or after operations .
recent advance in vascular imaging techniques have enabled preoperative grading for tumor size , which can be completely consistent with the shamblin grading during operations .
, we have divided the surgery into four types according to shamblin grading and tumor blood supply .
simple resection of carotid body tumor is the most ideal operation form , which would not damage the shape and distribution of cervical arteries .
thus , it is suitable for shamblin type i / ii cases without abundant blood supply . carotid body tumor resection and reconstructive vascular operation ( including simple vascular anastomosis , internal carotid artery - common carotid artery artificial and autologous reconstructive vascular operation )
are suitable for shamblin type iii cases with enormous tumors and malignant tumors involving important peripheral vessels . in the carotid body tumor resection and ligation of common carotid artery ,
cerebral ischemia is a relatively common complication and now is only used for emergent treatments .
medullary chromaffinoma is always benign and the incidence of malignant tumors is lower than 10% .
one case of malignant cbt in our patients had vertebral body metastasis two years after resection and finally died of the disease .
hu et al . summarized 967 patients in 36 centers from 1962 to 2001 and reported that radiotherapy can be used as the adjunctive therapy for primary and metastatic foci .
the efficacy for local control was equal to that for operations and the incidence of complications was significantly reduced in comparison to that for operations .
however , results from prospective studies of radiotherapy for malignant cbt are still unavailable and it is not routinely . | pubmed |
Specifying which compound is oxidized/reduced in a redox reaction [closed]
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I wrote the oxidation numbers in a redox reaction:
$\rm{2 \overset{+7}{Mn} \overset{-2}{O\_4^{-}}~+~5\overset{+4}{S} \overset{-2}{O\_2}~+~6\overset{+1}{H}\_2 \overset{-2}{O}~~\rightarrow~~ 5\overset{+6}{S}\overset{-2}{O\_4^{2-}}~+~2\overset{+2}{Mn^{2+}}~+~4\overset{+1}{H}\_3 \overset{-2}{O^{+}}}$
It is clear that, S is oxidized and Mn is reduced.
But the text says that:
$\rm{SO\_2}$ is oxidized and $\rm{MnO\_4^{-}}$ is reduced.
It is easy to see that S suffers oxidation. But writing "$\rm{SO\_2}$" as a whole seems to take our concentration away from S.
Is there any rule by which we can write the "compound as a whole" which is oxidized/reduced?
Both concepts can be accepted. Some chemists state that Sulfur atom is oxidized and the Manganese atom is reduced. Some other chemists may state that $\ce{SO2}$ is oxidized, and permanganate ion is reduced. These two concepts are not contradictory : both can be accepted and considered as valid.
If you can separate the redox reaction into a reduction and an oxidation half reaction, you can say that the entire molecular entity undergoes reduction or oxidation.
>
> $\rm{2 \overset{+7}{Mn} \overset{-2}{O\_4^{-}}~+~5\overset{+4}{S} \overset{-2}{O\_2}~+~6\overset{+1}{H}\_2 \overset{-2}{O}~~\rightarrow~~ 5\overset{+6}{S}\overset{-2}{O\_4^{2-}}~+~2\overset{+2}{Mn^{2+}}~+~4\overset{+1}{H}\_3 \overset{-2}{O^{+}}}$
>
>
>
can be obtained from the two half-reactions
$$\ce{MnO4- + 5 e- + 8H3O+ -> Mn^2+ + 12 H2O}$$
and
$$\ce{SO2 + 6 H2O -> SO4^2- + 4H3O+ + 2e-}$$
We know that hydronium and water are acid/base pairs, so they don't show changes in oxidation state. By elimination, the electrons are coming from the sulfur dioxide and are going to the permanganate.
It is not always trivial to separate a redox reaction into oxidation and reduction half reaction, for example if one part of a molecule gets oxidized and another gets reduced. In those cases, it is best to assign oxidation states (atom by atom) and specify the atom that gets reduced or oxidized.
Chemical reactions are reactions of MOLECULES. A useful definition being the identity of a chemical species in the system being studied. Oxidation numbers are an artifact invented to simplify certain types of reactions. The oxidation number of an atom is dependent on the molecular structure it is in. In the case of SO2 or MnO4- the molecule or molecular ion is reduced or oxidized and our current understanding of atomic and molecular structure allows the simplification that most of the change involves the sulfur or manganese atoms. This is manifested in assigning constant oxidation numbers to oxygen[-2] and hydrogen[+1] atoms in most compounds.
This idea carries over to Organic chemistry where the reactions of certain functional groups are to a large extent independent of the bulk of the molecule. As one studies and practices chemistry One learns that there are nuances and variations.
Thank you for the comments and replies.
Based on the comments and replies, I thought about five simple steps which may be applicable to each species in any redox reaction.
Applying the steps to $\rm{SO\_2}$:
1. The partners are S and O.
2. During the reaction, S loses electrons.
3. During the reaction, the other partner O neither loses nor gains electrons.
4. So the net effect is that, $\rm{SO\_2}$ loses electrons.
5. Consequently, we write: $\rm{SO\_2}$ is oxidized.
Applying the steps to $\rm{MnO\_4^{-}}$:
1. The partners are Mn and O.
2. During the reaction, Mn gains electrons.
3. During the reaction, the other partner O neither loses nor gains electrons.
4. So the net effect is that, $\rm{MnO\_4^{-}}$ gains electrons.
5. Consequently, we write: $\rm{MnO\_4^{-}}$ is reduced.
Are these five steps valid? Can we apply these steps to any redox reaction?
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Sookie Stackhouse/Southern Vampire Mysteries 1. Chapter 1
**Description- Sookie goes with Sam to his brother's wedding, but as usual, trouble seems to have followed.**
**Disclaimer- All characters and previously developed plot lines belong to Charlene Harris.**
**A/N- I got this idea in my head when a friend and I were discussing who we thought Sookie might end up with in the books and this is one theory that I came up with.**
**Chapter 1**
**A/N- So I should probably point out that I don't know what Sam's mother's name is. I don't know if it was mentioned, but if it was I forgot it and couldn't find it in the books. So I just named her myself. I also named Mindy's husband and kids. **
I stared out the window of the pickup truck.
It was nice to be going somewhere without having a job to do, a job that usually ended me beat up or worse. No, this was going to be a fun trip. When I'd agreed to go with Sam to his brother Craig's wedding a few months before, I hadn't really been one hundred percent sure I would get to go. As it were, I had been almost ninety percent sure Eric, my vampire husband, wouldn't have allowed it. Whether it be because he wanted to keep me safe, had a job for me to do or simply because he was jealous, though he would never admit _that_, I'd thought for sure the sheriff of Area Five would tie me down and lock me up before he let me take off across state lines with my boss. He'd surprised me; however, when he'd actually encouraged me to go.
"It will be good for you to get away," he'd said in his deep, slightly accented voice.
I knew my vampire lover well enough to know there was a hidden meaning in his words. Something was happening in Louisiana that he didn't want me to know about or something he wanted to get me away from. A part of me, truthfully a large part, wanted to stay right there in Bon Temps and confront whatever it was head on. But my guilt had inevitably won over. I'd promised Sam after all, and giving the excuse that I had to find out what Eric was hiding would never go over well with him. Sam is a nice guy, the nicest guy I know, and he would say he understood, but I knew that he would be disappointed and maybe even a little hurt if I didn't go. And since Eric had given the okay, I had no choice but to follow through on my word.
And it wasn't like I didn't _want_ to go to the wedding. It had to be better than the last few I'd been to. I inwardly shuddered at the thought of Crystal, my brother Jason's recently deceased wife. She been strung up and beaten to death not long after they were wed. The worst part about all of it was that she had been pregnant. Jason was healing fine enough, but I still couldn't get the picture of the girl hanging there out of my mind. I had been against that wedding in the biggest of ways, especially when I'd had to promise to be responsible for Jason. That was a job that no person wanted. And the fact that he'd been marrying a girl from Hot Shot, a town full of inbred were-panthers, had been a little too much.
Yes, this wedding would be better. It had to be.
I found myself wondering what Sam's family would be like. His mother was a shifter like him, and since the great reveal, they'd experienced some problems of their own. Sam's step father had tried to kill his mother when she'd shown him what she could do. He was now in prison and their divorce was final, but that didn't make what he did any less painful for Sam's mother. Her own husband had tried to kill her. Sam's siblings had taken the news a little better. He'd since revealed to them that he too was a shifter. At first his future sister-in-law and her family weren't sure that they could handle this news and the wedding had been put on hold, but now they seemed to be adjusting along with the others and were seemingly ready to be kin to the supernatural, once they found out there was absolutely no way the "condition" could be passed on to their grandchildren.
I knew that this bothered Sam and his mother. I'd told him before that they shouldn't worry about what other people thought of them and that they weren't any less human than I was. Maybe everyone had a bit of supernatural in them somewhere. I was an eight fairy, something that made me irresistible to vampires. I often wondered if that was what Eric and Bill had found so intriguing about me. At least I knew that wasn't why Sam liked me; fairies had no such allure to shifters. Sure, full blooded fairies were attractive to everyone, but their blood was what called to the vampires.
I glanced at the sign that read Hale County as we passed it. Population 38,408. Wright, Texas was no small town. We passed gas stations, grocery stores and even a mall on our way to Sam's mother's house. That was where we would be staying for the weekend. I'd insisted that I didn't want to be a bother by taking up room in her home, but Sam said she wouldn't have us staying in a hotel. Her son was coming to visit her and she wanted to see him as much as she could. But that was understandable, what with him living over nine hours away.
It had taken us longer than nine hours to get to Wright. We'd stopped for breakfast and lunch, since we'd left Bon Temps around seven that morning, and we'd made several stops for bathroom breaks. It was almost seven p.m. when we pulled into the gravel driveway. After so many hours sitting in Sam's truck, I was more than ready to get out and stretch my legs. My injuries, including the ones on my thighs, had all but healed now, only leaving behind a few scars. I shuddered as I thought about how I'd gotten them.
Sam made it out of the truck before I did and pulled our bags from the tool box in the back. I offered to carry my own, but his manly pride wouldn't allow such a thing. Men were supposed to carry the bags. I just rolled my eyes and followed him to the front door.
"I warn you," he said. "My mother is a hugger."
"That's okay," I replied with a smile. "So am I."
He gave me an endearing look and then knocked on the door.
I readied myself for what I knew was coming. Everyone would assume that I was Sam's girlfriend but I'd already prepared what I would say. 'We're just good friends. Sam's like my best friend.' It was cliché and lame but it would have to do. They would want to know where his real girlfriend was but I figured I'd let Sam handle that one. The truth of the matter was that his real girlfriend, Jannalynn, was a werewolf and he hadn't wanted to bring her because two supernaturals were probably enough for his future relatives to handle. Jannalynn is also, at least in my opinion, more than a little rough around the edges. And I'm not just saying that because I don't particularly like her. Sam had also mentioned once that he didn't think his mother would like her either. I thought this was a sign that she wasn't right for him, but had kept my mouth shut on the matter. His love life was none of my business.
I also prepared myself mentally. I had learned to wall out other people's thoughts pretty well, unless they were just big time projectors, like Amelia. I had my wall put firmly in place now. The last thing I wanted or needed was to know what Sam's family really thought of me, and of each other.
The door opened to reveal a woman who couldn't have been far off from my own age. She was pretty, having reddish-blonde hair just like Sam. 'This must be Mindy,' I thought. Mindy was Sam's younger sister. She was a year older than me, I thought I had recalled Sam telling me, and was married with two children. When Sam and his mother had revealed to the family that they were shifters, Mindy had taken it better than anyone. She was smiling brightly at us and I could tell already that I liked her.
"Sam, it's so good to see you." She reached out and gave her brother a hug.
"It's good to see you, too," he replied, returning the hug with a smile.
"And you must be…" Mindy broke off with a look at me.
"Hi, I'm Sookie Stackhouse," I said, reaching out my hand.
She took it and kept smiling at me. "It's nice to meet you, Sookie Stackhouse. I've heard a lot about you. I'm Mindy, Sam's sister."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," I told her, meaning it.
She kept her smile in place as she ushered us into the house. "Everybody's out back."
I wondered briefly about her 'I've heard a lot about you' comment, but stored it in the back of my mind for later. Right now it was time to meet the rest of the family. We walked through the house, stopping so Sam could lay our bags by the stairs, before heading into the back yard.
There were several people scattered about the small enclosed area. As we stepped through the sliding glass doors, I saw a man off to the side by the grill. He turned to greet us as we stepped out and I knew just by looking at him, much like I had known by seeing Mindy, that this was Craig. There was no denying the three were siblings.
Another man was standing ten feet away holding a football in his hands. There were two small children standing in front of him. He was trying to teach them the rules of the game, it looked like. Mindy identified him as her husband, David. Her two kids, Peter and Ava, were not taking too well to what their father was telling them. They were simply trying to play keep away from him with the ball. Lastly, I spotted two more women seated in lawn chairs off to the side. One of them looked younger than Mindy and I. She had dark brown hair and carefully tanned skin. I took her to be Deidra, Craig's fiancée. And then of course, there was Sam's mom. She looked to be in her early 50's, though I thought she was probably older than that. Her light hair was streaked with grey but her eyes still held a sense of youth in them. She stood up when she saw us coming.
"Sam," she greeted her son with a hug, much as his sister had.
"Hey mom."
He looked genuinely happy to see his family and I was glad for him. And more than that, I was glad to be here, too.
When Sam stepped back from his mother, she turned her gaze to me. "You must be Sookie. It's wonderful to meet you, dear."
"It's very nice to meet you, ma'am."
She reached out to hug me, as I expected. "Don't call me ma'am," she said jokingly. "It makes me sound old. You can call me Rose."
I smiled at her, deciding she reminded me of my Gran in way. I couldn't imagine how anyone would want to hurt this woman, even if she did turn into an animal on the full moon. There was something wrong with people in this world.
"The burgers are almost ready," Craig announced from his position in front of the grill.
Sam's mother led me to a seat beside her and shooed him away, informing him that it was time for the ladies to talk. It made me a little nervous to be alone with three women I didn't even know, especially when it was possible that they thought I was dating the man who'd just given me a sympathetic look and walked towards his brother. Mindy had taken a seat on the other side of me and Deidra was next to Rose.
"So, Sookie," Mindy began. "Tell us about yourself."
I started to say that I thought she'd already heard all about me, but then realized that maybe that wasn't true. Maybe Sam had told them about his girlfriend and since he'd brought me with him, they assumed that person was I instead of Jannalynn. "There's not much to tell." I told them how I worked at Merlotte's and how I had one brother, who drove me crazy at times. I told them some details about what had happened to the rest of my family, being sure to leave out all of the supernatural elements, mostly for Deidra's benefit. It was clear that she wasn't completely comfortable with it all yet.
"I'm sorry about your parents and your grandmother," Rose said. "It sounds like you were close to them."
I nodded. "Yes. Especially my gran. She practically raised me and Jason."
"Well, she sounds like an amazing woman."
"She was."
Rose patted me on the leg. "She did a wonderful job. You are just as great as my son said you were."
I felt my cheeks redden, even though a part of me still didn't think he'd actually told them about _me_. Rose seemed pleased that she'd embarrassed me.
"Don't worry," Mindy told me. "She dotes on everyone she likes. And you'd know if she didn't like you, too."
"Well, there's no point in withholding the truth from people," Rose said. Her face took on a look of regret. "That's one thing I've learned."
I knew she was referring to her shifter secret. I glanced at Mindy and then at Deidra. Mindy was just smiling thoughtfully. Deidra tried to smile, too. Hey, at least she was trying.
"It's okay, mom," Mindy said. "We all understand why you didn't tell us about that."
"Yes," Deidra piped in. "We do." It was the first time I'd heard her speak, but she sounded sincere. "I'm really sorry for the problems my family and I caused because of it. We were wrong."
Rose looked stunned and also delighted. I realized I had just witnessed an important moment for these two women. It had taken months, but Deidra was finally okay with marrying into a family that wasn't, by general standards, normal. She smiled at Rose and Rose smiled back, taking her hand.
"I knew I always liked you," she said.
"And I like you," Deidra said.
I found myself smiling right along with them. It was good to see these people happy. Even though I barely knew them, I'd felt the most at home sitting here with them, then I'd felt in a long time.
I thought briefly that it was good Jannalynn _wasn't_ here. She wouldn't have appreciated what had just happened. She may have even scoffed and rolled her eyes. No, Rose wouldn't like her. In fact, none of them would. I felt a hint of vindictive satisfaction that startled me. I was taking this not liking Jannalynn thing to a whole new level.
No one asked me if I knew about shifters. They must have assumed Sam told me because the conversation shifted to an entirely new subject. The wedding of course. Deidra admitted to being nervous to stand in front of a whole church full of people, she'd always had stage fright. After wedding talk, we discussed Mindy's kids. Her oldest, Peter, was starting pre-k soon and she wasn't sure how well he was going to handle it. He was a bit of an independent who didn't take well to being told what to do.
While we were talking about kids, I thought of Hunter. I wondered how he was doing. He would be starting school soon and it would be even harder for him to adjust than most kids. He had telepathic abilities like mine. Being able to read the minds of your classmates would surely make way for disaster. I'd been helping him as much as I could, but I couldn't always be around for him.
"I want at least three," Deidra was saying.
"Oh, you'll change your mind after two. Trust me," Mindy said with a laugh.
"I handled three just fine," Rose told them. "Though there were times I thought of sending Craig to Aunt Jean's to live."
That earned a chuckle from everyone. My gaze had drifted to the Peter and his little sister Ava. They were still playing with the football, only now it was Sam they were playing keep away with. David had taken up position lounging in a chair on the concrete slab near the house doors, drinking a beer. Sam chased the kids in a circle and when he finally managed to catch Ava, he swung her around in a circle before putting her down and going for Peter, whom she had thrown the ball to.
Mindy, having followed my gaze, tapped me on the arm. "What about you, Sookie? How many kids do you want?"
I snapped out of my reverie and shrugged. "I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it."
"Oh, come on. We've all thought about it. Even if the number is zero."
Truthfully, I had thought about it. I'd had my life planned out when I was just a little girl, but as things stood now, I wasn't sure I'd ever have any children. After all, vampires couldn't procreate.
They were all looking at me, awaiting my answer. I glanced around at all of them and then back at Sam and the kids running around in the yard. "Two," I said finally.
Rose and Mindy both looked pleased. "Sam would make a great dad," Rose said.
"Yes, he would," I agreed.
* * *
><p>After dinner, Deidra and Craig headed out. Tonight was their last night together before they would be husband and wife. The wedding was scheduled for late Saturday afternoon but tomorrow night was the rehearsal dinner after which Deidra intended to spend the night with her bridesmaids. Sam had decided he would take Craig out for a few drinks after the rehearsal as well, since he'd missed the official bachelor party.<p>
Mindy, David and the kids left around nine, which left Sam, Rose and I. We were sitting in the living room, Sam talking about the bar and how things were going. He was sugar coating his situation to her. I knew the bar had been having problems lately, and Sam was having some financial troubles himself. After a while, I felt myself yawning. It must have been the long car ride.
"Sookie, dear, you look so tired. Why don't you go on upstairs and get some rest?"
I wanted to protest, but instead I covered my mouth as I yawned again.
"Sam, you get that girl to bed," she instructed him. "And don't worry, I have thick walls," she said to me.
I coughed and felt my cheeks get hot for the tenth time since I'd arrived. My reaction didn't seem to bother Sam's mother in the least. She simply stood up from the couch and headed towards the stairs.
"I've got some extra blankets if you all need some. Let me just get them for you."
When she was out of earshot, Sam turned to me. "I'm sorry about that."
"It's okay. I like your mom." And I really meant that. I did like her. A lot. Even if she did find amusement in embarrassing me.
"I should have told her you weren't my girlfriend but I…" He tried to smile at me. "I'll tell her tomorrow."
I should have argued. I should have demanded that he tell her right then, but there was something stopping me. A nagging feeling. One that was urging me to keep up the charade. I told myself it would be better for Sam because if his family knew who his real girlfriend was, they might disown him, but there was another reason.
_This might be your only chance_, a voice in the back of mind said. _This is the closest you will ever come to being a part of a relatively normal family._ And I wanted to hold onto it, as long as I could.
* * *
><p><strong>AN: Review and let me know what you think!**
2. Chapter 2
**Chapter 2**
Sam slept on the floor, for which I was grateful. It would be easy to withhold some details of this weekend from Eric, but if I ever were to spill the beans, accidentally or otherwise, on us sleeping in the same bed, there would be hell to pay. Probably on Sam's face.
My lover had called me earlier to make sure I was alright, even though he hadn't felt anything unusual through the bond. He'd sounded distracted and I had to bite my tongue to keep from demanding he tell me what was going on with him. I reasoned with myself that I would probably find out soon enough, though I wasn't sure I even wanted to know.
It was a little ridiculous that there were two other bedrooms in the house and Sam was on the floor in this one, but when he'd mentioned sleeping in a separate room from me, Rose had informed him that she'd piled boxes in his siblings' old bedrooms and it was too late for moving things and the couch was far from comfortable. She thought she was feeding the romance, but in reality, she'd only ensured Sam awoke with a sore neck and back.
I'd told him I would take the floor the next night, but he'd refused, pointing out that he would tell her the truth so no one had to. Strangely, I felt a little disappointment at that thought, not of not having to sleep on the floor, but having her know the truth. She really seemed to like me and I was afraid she'd be upset that I'd lied to her. Or rather, that I had withheld the truth. I hadn't actually _told_ anyone I was Sam's girlfriend.
"So," I asked Sam after he'd gotten up from the floor and had seated himself on the bed beside me. "Am I the first girl to spend the night in your bedroom?"
I looked around at the small room that had been his as a child. The only furniture it held was the twin sized bed, a set of dresser drawers, and a small desk. There weren't any posters on the brown paneled walls, but there were a few trophies sitting on a long wooden shelf.
"Nope. Like my mother said, these are thick walls."
I laughed at his joke as I scanned the trophies. "You played sports?"
He followed my gaze. "Yeah," he replied. "I played football in high school."
"Really? I never took you for the type."
"It was a long time ago," he said, with a hint of sadness.
I looked over at him and then took his hand. "I didn't mean it like that."
He shook his head, as if to clear his thoughts. "It's alright. I wasn't really that good."
I laughed lightly and then his eyes met mine. The humor seemed to have left the room and was now replaced by… something else. Something I couldn't identify. Something I wasn't sure I should identify. I could feel my heart beat speed up a notch and I willed it to stop. I became vaguely aware that I was still holding his hand, and that we were sitting close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body.
This was not good.
I'm not sure what might have happened though because in the next instant there was an angry shout coming from somewhere in the house. 'Guess the walls aren't that thick,' I immediately thought. Sam and I both jumped up off of the bed and practically ran down the stairs. My next thought was that someone or something had followed me here, and though he wouldn't say it, I was sure Sam had had a similar thought. I _was_ on the Supernatural's Most Wanted list. We were both relieved; however, when we found her in the kitchen alone, sitting on the floor, surrounded by pancake batter.
"Mom, are you alright?" Sam asked carefully.
She surprised us both by laughing. "Yes, dear, I'm fine. Just slipped." She pointed at a toy car a few feet away. "Peter doesn't clean up after himself the way he should."
Sam reached out to help her up. Once she was on her feet, she shook her head. "I'm sorry for yelling," she said. "I've gotten quite used to being by myself in the mornings. I hope I didn't interrupt anything."
Sam and I shared a look and seemed to both realize we were still in our pjs. I folded my arms self consciously across my chest. At least Sam was wearing a shirt, though I personally wouldn't have minded if he hadn't been.
"No, we were just getting up," Sam said.
Rose smiled sweetly. "In that case, why don't you two get showered and dressed and I'll have breakfast done when you get ready."
After we'd taken her advice, showered and put our clothes on (not together I might add), we returned to the kitchen for bacon, eggs, and pancakes. About the time we were finishing up, Mindy, David and the kids arrived. Rose was set to watch Ava and Peter whilst the rest of us went to help decorate the church and reception hall. Because of other scheduled events, they hadn't been able to get anything set up yet. The rehearsal dinner would take place at Hampton's, a local upscale restaurant in the area, so we didn't have to worry about that. But Deidra's mother wanted everything for the actual wedding, all but the food and flowers, to be finished today. 'There was no sense,' she'd said, 'in waiting until the last minute and then rushing to get everything done.' Which was true enough.
Though Sam and Mindy both told me I didn't have to help, I'd wanted to. It felt good to make myself useful, and it was the least I could do for the free room and meals I was receiving. Gran had always taught me that it was better to give than receive and you should always do what you could to help others that are good to you. I spent most of the day alongside Mindy and Sarah, Deidra's best friend and maid of honor, making and hanging bows. I didn't think I'd ever seen so many in one place before, but it actually looked good. All of the bows were a pale yellow and were hung on the end of every pew. Making the bows wasn't as hard as I thought it might be, but it still took me nearly thirty minutes on each one I constructed. Kate, Deidra's mother, had insisted on making the bows ourselves to save money, and so she could make sure they were what she wanted. After spending some time around Kate, I started to understand how she might have a problem with Rose. They were nothing alike and she also seemed like she had something shoved where the sun would never find it.
I just smiled my big smile at her when she criticized my first bow and made me start it all over, but Mindy was having a harder time dealing with her criticism. She'd been on the verge of telling her off more than once. Luckily, Sarah was a sweetheart, and managed to defend us without offending Kate. It was easy to see that she wasn't the older woman's biggest fan, but Sarah had had a lifetime to get used to her. I didn't think that if we both had the lifespan of a vampire that I would get used to her. I decided then it was a good thing I had blocked out all of their thoughts.
Sure, I got something every now and then. _Wedding will be beautiful. Wonder how the kids are. Making bows sucks. Caterers better be on time._ But I was mostly managing to hear only my own thoughts.
The church was an older structure, built in the late 1800's, adorned with stained glass windows and gothic-esque arches and design patterns. A giant organ took up the entire back wall. It was a beautiful place, perfect for a wedding, especially once we'd decorated it with bows, taffeta, and lace. Once the flowers were in place, it would look like something out of a fairy tale. The inside was very spacious, which made me wonder how many people were going to be in attendance. I'd asked Mindy, who said they'd sent out nearly 300 invitations. I didn't think that I even knew that many people to invite to my own wedding, if I ever had one.
The reception hall, moving tables and the lot, had been left to the men. White tablecloths adorned most of the tables, except the food tables, which also had a pale yellow cloth lying in its center. The table chairs were covered with white fabric as well, with thick yellow ribbons tied around their centers into a bow on the back. Kate and Deidra's friend Whitney had constructed center pieces for each of the tables. They were glass bowls which would be filled with water and would have yellow rose petals set to float in them. Around the bowl they had placed a sheer white fabric, which was wrapped around clear lights that would be lit up tomorrow. The simple decorations were beautiful, but struck me as odd. They managed to find the fanciest place in town to get married, but had rather simple decorations.
I'd also mentioned _that_ to Mindy. She said Deidra had only agreed to the place because it's what her mother wanted. She would have preferred a small outdoor wedding, which sounded good to me. Deidra actually had simple tastes.
We finally finished everything around five, and went home to change into our clothes for the evening's festivities. I still felt a little strange about attending the rehearsal, since I was the only one there who wasn't actually in the wedding party. I watched them from the 5th row while they ran through the ceremony. More than a couple of times, Sam made a face at me that would make me laugh, quietly of course.
Everything had gone smoothly until Erika, the only bridesmaid who hadn't been helping set up earlier, suddenly bolted for the door. I offered to check on her so the others could continue with the rehearsal. I found her puking in the bathroom. She left shortly after that, saying she hadn't been feeling good all day and needed to see a doctor.
After they'd run through the ceremony twice, we all headed to Hampton's. I balked once when Deidra had introduced me as Sam's girlfriend, but quickly recovered and just smiled. Sam had said he was going to talk to his mother, but from the look on his face, he hadn't gotten around to doing that yet.
"I'm sorry," he'd whispered to me. "I can tell them now…"
But I'd shook my head no and told him not to worry about it and that having people think I was his girlfriend wasn't the worst thing that had ever happened to me. That had earned me a smile.
The dinner was delicious, as it should have been for those prices. I made a mental note to pay Sam back later since he'd bought mine. After everyone had finished up, Sam turned to me.
"David and I are taking Craig for some drinks to celebrate. You're welcome to join us."
"That's alright," I told him. "Mindy already invited me back to her house. She said we needed to let you have your male bonding time."
He laughed lightly. "Well, alright then." He surprised me by leaning in and placing a kiss on my cheek before standing up. "I'll see you later."
"Okay," I replied, looking after them as they exited.
"It's great, isn't it?" Rose had taken the empty seat beside me.
"What's that?"
"Young love." She looked happily reminiscent and I wondered if she was thinking about Sam's father, her first husband. "Don't take it for granted."
I tried to smile at her. "I won't."
She looked pleased by my answer. "Good."
Sam slept on the floor again that night.
* * *
><p>The caterers and the florist had arrived on time, much to the relief of the mother of the bride. And to the rest of us so we didn't have to hear her complain about it. If it was possible, the church looked even more beautiful with the white and yellow roses placed near the altar.<p>
I was standing at the back of the church when I felt the hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Craig standing there.
"Hey," I greeted him.
He nodded his hello with a smile, but he looked stressed. "Deidra is asking for you," he told me.
"Me?" I replied, confused. Why on earth would she be asking for me? Didn't she have enough people helping her get ready?
He shrugged. "Apparently there's some sort of dilemma." He was still attempting to come off as calm and collected.
I patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry. You're gonna be fine."
He half smiled. "Thanks."
I started to walk toward the dressing room when I heard him call my name.
"I can see why my brother likes you," he said. "It's a good thing I'm getting married or I might try to steal you away."
I returned his truly genuine smile and made my way to where the bride and her side of the wedding party were getting dressed. I knew right away that something was wrong.
"Oh, Sookie, thank God you're here. Erika has a serious stomach bug. She's not going to be able to make it," Deidra blurted out as soon as she saw me step into the room.
I could almost feel the words leaving her mouth before she spoke them. She approached me slowly.
"I hate to ask, and I know we just met, but… would you please be a bridesmaid in my wedding?"
Deidra had one of the most hopeful, pleading looks on her face that I had ever seen. She hadn't been a bridezilla by any means, but every woman wanted her wedding to be perfect and now one of her bridesmaids had backed out on her. She was almost pouting. How could I say no to that face?
"Sure, I'd be honored."
She smiled a bright smile and immediately embraced me in a tight hug. "Thank you, thank you, thank you." She pulled back, holding me at arm's length. "I owe you one. Hell, I'll be in your wedding some day if you want me to."
She seemed utterly serious in her statement. I could only nod my head and smile big at her. It was obvious she assumed that wedding would be to her future brother-in-law. I could have taken that opportunity to set her straight, let them all know Sam and I were just friends. But the words wouldn't even form in my mouth.
Deidra thanked me again and asked Mindy if she would help me try on my dress while Sarah finished her hair. Mindy agreed and the bride-to-be hurried into the adjoining room. She would have plenty of time, I was sure, to finish getting dressed. The wedding wasn't for four more hours, but what did I know about dressing for weddings? This would be the first one I'd ever been a part of. Unless you counted Jason's, which I didn't.
There was a bit of excitement that filled me at the thought. I loved watching those wedding shows on _TLC_ and had always dreamed of taking part in one.
"My brother's a great guy." Mindy had picked up a pale yellow dress and was holding it up for me to see.
"I know he is," I replied, knowing she wasn't talking about Craig. It didn't take a scholar to figure out what she _was_ hinting at. Deidra's comment had not gone unnoticed by her.
"I know you two aren't really dating," she said, surprising me. "Sam told me."
"Oh?" I hadn't realized he'd actually told anyone. His mom had been acting the same towards me last I saw her.
"Uhuh. But I see the way he looks at you." Mindy held the dress up to me, as if checking to see how she thought it would look.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
She looked at me thoughtfully. "Sookie, he's completely in love with you."
3. Chapter 3
**Chapter 3**
I gaped at Mindy. I had heard her wrong, surely.
"Don't look at me like that," she said. "As if you had no idea. You two have been acting like a couple all weekend, fooling everyone, I might add."
I could tell that she was completely serious. But for the life of me, I couldn't think of anything to say.
After a moment, she smiled at me. "I like you, Sookie. And so does the rest of the family. I know you two aren't really together, but they don't." She paused as if trying to find the right words. "I'm not asking you date my brother, but my mom has been through a lot in the past few months. It would be really great if you could keep up the act… at least for the next few hours. Seeing Sam happy, it makes her happy."
So he hadn't told everyone, just Mindy. "I'm sure that she's just happy for Deidra and Craig," I tried to reason with her. After all, it was their wedding we were attending.
"She is happy for them. But Craig's been happy for most of his life. Sam…" she trailed off, seeming to realize that she'd said too much. "Maybe I'm wrong," she said after a minute. "Maybe Sam does love this other girl he's seeing, but he's never even told us her name. But you… he told us all about you when he came to see mom after the great revelation disaster."
I was still having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that Sam could possibly be in love with me. He _had_ admitted to liking me and wanting to be with me before, but that had been a while back, and nothing had ever come of it. Of course, I'd still been in love with Bill at the time. But even after that, I remembered, he'd kissed me. A kiss I remembered very clearly. But nothing had ever come of that either. But then there was Quinn and then Eric. It seemed like any chance he'd ever taken with me had had the worst possible timing. But he'd always been good to me.
And he'd talked about me to his family. When Mindy had first told me she'd heard all about me, I'd assumed she hadn't really meant _me_ me. I just thought he'd told them about his girlfriend, the person they thought I was. But now it seemed that he'd actually told them about me, Sookie. And no, he hadn't told them we were dating; they had just drawn their own conclusions. Ideas that I had been feeding into for the entire two days I had been here.
I hadn't meant to act like his girlfriend. And it wasn't like we'd shared many public displays of affection, but I'd gained the admiration of Sam's mother, made friends with his brother and sister and had even found myself a part of the wedding. None of it had been planned, but somehow I'd fallen into the role, with a greater ease than I should have.
"Are you happy, Sookie?"
I looked at Mindy, realizing I had been lost in my own thoughts. "What?"
"Are you happy?"
I didn't really know how to answer that question. Did she mean was I happy right at this very moment? Or was I happy in general? I decided on the latter. "Sure, why wouldn't I be?"
She shook her head, clearly not satisfied with my answer. "Do you ever think about the future? Where you wanna be in ten years, what you want to be doing?"
I nodded my head yes, taking the question as a rhetorical one, as I assumed she wanted me to do.
"I used to do that a lot. I would sit down and make a list of everything I wanted in my life, and by what age I was to have it. I even made a list of qualities in my dream guy." She laughed lightly. "It took me a long time to realize that you can't plan everything out. What's meant to happen will happen." She paused and her face took on a look of thoughtfulness. "If you would have told me ten years ago that I would be married to David, I would have thought you were insane. He didn't meet most of the criteria on my list, and besides that, he was one of my closest friends. I'd never thought about him romantically. Then one day that all changed.
I was going through some tough things in my life that I couldn't talk to anyone about. Not even my boyfriend at the time. But I found that I could talk to David. He was there for me and he understood me like no one ever had. He kissed me for the first time that night." She smiled. "I was shocked at first. I didn't know what to do. He apologized and promised me that it wouldn't happen again. But the thing was, I wanted it to. I couldn't stop thinking about it, which led me to think about all of the other things I'd always liked about him. Then I had someone ask me possibly the most important question I'd ever been asked up to that point in my life. 'What if everything you've been looking for has been right in front of you the whole time and you've just been too blind to see it? And what if you're wasting time looking for love, when it's been there all along?' And then I knew. It was David. It had always been David and I just wasn't able to see it before."
She paused again, taking in my expression, obviously wondering if she'd said too much. "Like I said before, I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. I'm just telling you how I lived mine. Everybody's story is different," she said the last part with a wave of her hand, as if to dismiss everything she'd just said as a story instead of advice.
"What size do you wear?" she asked then, cleverly changing the subject.
"Eight," I told her.
"Perfect." She held the dress up to me once again. "This will look great on you."
* * *
><p>I looked in the mirror at my reflection, fairly pleased with my appearance. Mindy had been right. The dress did look good on me. Despite my blonde hair, the yellow seemed to complement my features. I mentally patted myself on the back for all of those hours I'd spent tanning on my front lawn.<p>
I saw his reflection in the mirror before he spoke. "Hey."
I took a deep breath, suddenly racked with a nervous feeling. I couldn't stop myself from thinking about what Mindy had said. "Hey Sam," I replied, facing him.
"You look beautiful, Sookie."
I could feel the red rising in my cheeks at his compliment. "You don't look half bad yourself," I told him.
Actually he looked better than half bad. More along the lines of gorgeous. He was dressed in black loafers, black slacks, a black vest, and a white button-up. A yellow tie, the same color as my dress, completed his outfit. His hair, which was usually an unruly mess, was slicked back in a very elegant sort of way. He looked like one of the world's most eligible bachelors. His eyes met mine and even though I knew that I should, I couldn't seem to look away.
"Are you two ready? Oh, I'm sorry. Am I interrupting something?"
Both of us were pulled out of our trance by the voice at the door. How many times were we going to be asked that question?
Rose was standing there with a smile on her face. She was wearing a deep blue dress with ruffles running along the front in a diagonal slope. She seemed to stand tall despite the fact that she was wearing dark flats.
"Yes," Sam replied, though to which question, I wasn't sure.
His mother only smiled wider as she turned, motioning for us to follow her. "Come on then. Everyone else is waiting."
Sam offered me his arm, which I took with little hesitation, my nervousness dissipating, and led me out of the small dressing area and down the hall into the corridor at the back of the church where the rest of the wedding party, aside from Deidra, was standing.
All of the guests had been seated, the church was packed, and the mothers were being ushered in by two teenage boys.
The music began to play and a woman whom I had decided was Deidra's aunt ushered the flower girls and ring bearer out the tall double doors. The groomsmen were all dressed similar to Sam and had taken their positions beside their respective walking companions. Sam handed me off to Craig's friend Doug and stepped to the back of the line. As the best man, he would be walking with Sarah.
Whitney and Sam's cousin Nick were the first to walk down the aisle. Doug and I were to follow them. Mindy and David behind us. I felt a strange exhilaration as I walked down the aisle, making sure to have on my best smile for photos. Rose reached out to give my hand a squeeze as I passed her.
I took my place next to Whitney and watched the others make their way to the front of the church. Sam gave me one of his best smiles when he and Sarah parted and then took his position next to Craig.
Finally, the music switched to _Here Comes the Bride_ and everyone in the church stood up to face the back. Deidra's gown was white and strapless. It flared out at the hips to create an elegant, yet traditional, wedding gown look. It had only slight beading on the top, but overall the dress looked amazing on her. I looked over to Craig to see if he still looked nervous. To my surprise, he looked completely calm, and very happy. He loved her; that much was obvious.
The ceremony itself didn't last more than 15 minutes, and I found it very enjoyable. I had been right about this one being better than the last few I'd attended. After the couple exchanged vows and Craig kissed his bride, we all excited through the back of the church. The next hour was spent taking group photos and then we headed next door to the reception hall. A DJ was set up in the far corner and a large space had been left open for dancing. Caterers had brought in an assortment of the finest finger foods I had ever laid eyes upon: chicken salad sandwiches, cheese logs, fruits, sausage balls and even a chocolate fountain. Since the wedding was later in the evening, they were also serving a deliciously flavored grilled chicken, sweet potatoes, green beans, and corn. Southern cooking at its finest.
Sam and I sat with Rose, Mindy, David, and their kids. We all talked and laughed while we ate. I was thoroughly enjoying myself. Rose eventually went to mingle with more of their family while David had taken the kids to 'cut a rug' on the dance floor. I got a good laugh out of watching him. Mindy, not so subtlety, got up, giving me a wink, and left us sitting there alone.
"I told her you weren't my girlfriend," Sam whispered to me. "I don't know why she's acting like that."
"I do," I said, and then wished I hadn't. I'd just opened a can of worms, and wasn't ready to go fishing.
Sam raised an eyebrow in question. I bit my lip, wanting and not wanting at the same time to ask him about what she'd said. Could he really be in love with me? And what if he was? Did that change anything? Honestly, I didn't know. I sighed, knowing I'd never get out of this one without some explanation.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Sure."
"It's about something your sister said."
"Okay," he said carefully.
I took a deep breath, settling on not asking him outright. "Do you ever think about… us? I mean, do you ever wonder what might have happened if we'd ever… tried dating?"
Sam's mouth opened slightly, but he didn't say anything. I could tell by his expression that he hadn't really expected me to ask that. As I waited for him to answer me, I felt the anticipation build though I wasn't even sure what I _wanted_ him to say.
On the one hand, Sam was a great guy with a wonderful family and he could give me the life I had always dreamed of, kids, though the first born would be a shifter like him, but that would be okay. And we could get married, the kind of married that was recognized by the state of Louisiana.
But on the other hand, I _was_ still currently involved with Eric. My feelings for Eric were nothing if not confusing, but I loved him and wasn't sure I could stand to be away from him forever. And there was the blood bond. I vaguely wondered if he could feel my inner turmoil now.
"I…" Sam started to speak but didn't get anything out before the door burst open.
A large man with… scratch that… vampire stalked into the room. He was wearing all black, including a long leather coat. If he'd been wearing sunglasses, I would have sworn he was Wesley Snipes. He was also carrying a pistol that he was now pointing at everyone in the room. There were shrieks from women and a shuffle of people to step in front of their wives and children. "I'm looking for someone," he announced in a deep, chilling voice. "And if you turn her over to me, no one has to get hurt." His eyes scanned the room, as did everyone else's. They were all attempting to figure out who he wanted.
But Sam and I didn't have to look because we both already knew who this mysterious gunman was looking for.
Me.
* * *
><p><strong>AN: We've almost reached the end of this story. Only one more chapter to go.**
4. Chapter 4
**Chapter 4**
"Sookie, no." I felt Sam's hand on my arm, stopping me from standing up. "Stay here. I'll take care of this."
"Like hell," I whispered after him as he stood up.
If this _Blade_ wannabe was looking for me then I wasn't going to let anyone else get hurt.
The vampire noticed Sam's movements out of the corner of his eye. "You," he said, pointing the gun directly at Sam. "Tell me where I can find Sookie Stackhouse."
I felt all eyes turn to me. Thanks people.
Sam held up his hands as if to surrender. "Listen, maybe we could take this outside."
"Or maybe I'll just blow your fucking head off," the vampire growled.
"Don't," I said, standing.
Sam turned to give me a warning look.
"I don't want you to get hurt," I told him in explanation.
"And I'm not going to let anything happen to you," he said back.
The look on his face made me melt a little on the inside, but now was not the time for dwelling on such things.
"Ms. Stackhouse, I presume," the vampire said, walking closer.
My whole body tensed and Sam positioned himself in front of me. "What do you want?" I asked.
"Well, your head on a platter, of course." He smiled, his fangs bared, pointier than they should have been.
I racked my brain in an attempt to figure out who this guy might be. Or more importantly, who this guy might be working for. I could have asked him, but he didn't seem much in the mood to chat. He'd been given a kill order, it appeared. A number of suspects flashed in my mind. There was Victor, the vampire who'd been put in charge of Louisiana after the late queen's death. He had some sort of grudge against Eric. He didn't trust my lover, in part because of his relationship with me. And then there was Sandra Pelt, the woman who had tried to kill me. She was supposedly in jail, but she could have easily picked up a phone and hired someone to come for me. Though Sandra was probably legally insane, she was right about one thing. I had killed her sister, Debbie. But what she didn't know was that it had been in self-defense. Debbie had been equally as crazy.
There were also a number of weres, fairies, and vampires who'd met me and associated me with either Eric, Bill, my fairy relatives, or Alcede, the werewolf pack master, who'd put me on their hit lists. No normal person should have so many people who want them dead.
"Give her over, shifter," the vampire hissed at Sam.
"You want her? You're gonna have to go through me."
"Sam, don't," I begged, but he ignored me. Men.
"As you wish."
I didn't even have time to react. Suddenly, the vampire was on the ground, screaming in pain. Atop him was an enormous cat, a leopard, I realized. More screaming was heard and everything started to get exceptionally chaotic. People were running around with no real place to go. The large animal was blocking the only exit. Sam had left my side to run towards the scuffle, and I was left standing alone. All of the wedding guests knew the man with the weapon wanted me and didn't want to stand in his way were he to get free. All of the guests but one.
"Sookie," Mindy called to me. "Come on. We need to get you out of here."
I gave her a truly appreciative glance but shook my head no. I couldn't risk her getting injured or worse because of me. She wasn't just Sam's sister, she was also a mother, and that made her life much more important than mine.
I heard a loud crash and looked to see that the vampire had thrown the leopard off of him and into the gift table. Sam was on him in an instant. He got a few good hits in before the vampire threw a punch into the side of his head, causing him to fall to the ground. He didn't look unconscious, just in pain. I rushed over towards them, intending to hand myself over when the leopard struck again. This time it took a nice chunk out of the vampire's arm, who cried out in pain again.
I focused my sights on getting to Sam to help him, but suddenly Sam wasn't there anymore. In the place he had been was now another leopard. I gasped as my brain seemed to register for the first time that the original animal had not been an animal at all. It had been Rose. To confirm my suspicions, I quickly looked around the room. Sure enough, Rose was nowhere to be seen. They bit and clawed at the vampire and then both grabbed a leg and pulled him out the door.
The rest of the guests were frozen in place by shock, but I wasn't. I ran out the door after them. It was a good thing the wedding was at night or the rest of the town would have gotten a show. And the last thing the shifter population needed was to be photographed or videotaped ripping apart a vampire. Vampires had little to no respect for other supernatural creatures… or humans… basically for anyone who wasn't also a vampire, and we didn't need a war starting between species.
I couldn't tell one leopard from the other, but it didn't matter because they were both people I cared about. But they seemed to have the upper hand on the vampire. He was weakening and I knew that his only desire now was to escape. Or so I thought. He managed to throw both creatures off of him, but instead of running in the other direction, he charged straight at me. He reached me in seconds and his fangs descended to my neck. But they didn't make it there because one of the leopards had bitten into his good arm.
He grabbed at his injured arm and I seized the opportunity to dart out of the way. This time the vampire did the smart thing and ran in the opposite direction. The leopards did not chase him. Something about that pleased me, despite the fact that the vampire had been trying to kill me. I'd had enough of killing and violence to last me one lifetime. One of the leopards approached me and gave me an almost apologetic look. Sam.
"It's okay," I said. "He's gone." I smiled and resisted the urge to pet him.
He had the decency not to change back in front of me. Not that I would have minded too much. Sam's body was… something I shouldn't be thinking about. When he had disappeared, probably to find some clothes, I, somewhat unwillingly, went back inside.
"Everything's fine," I announced to the room of people. "All taken care of. The crazy guy is gone."
"Did they kill him?"
The question had come from Deidra's father.
"No, they didn't kill him. But they did run him off," I told him pointedly. "They saved our lives. And you should all be nothing but grateful." I gave my best 'I dare you to argue with me' face to everyone and then went back to the table I had eaten at and sat down.
I had probably upset several people, but I didn't care. If Deidra's family couldn't handle it, that was their problem. I just hoped the Merlotte's were all okay.
"Sookie."
I glanced up to see Mindy standing there.
"I'm so glad you're okay," she said before leaning down to give me a hug. "Are Sam and mom alright?"
"Yes, they're fine. Just… finding new clothes I imagine."
She nodded, looking surprisingly calm under the circumstances. "Does this kind of thing happen often?"
I wished I could say no, but I didn't think I could lie to her. "To me? Unfortunately yes."
"Oh, Sookie, that's terrible. You're so sweet. Why would anyone want to hurt you?"
This could have turned into a long story, hell, a series of books even. So I opted for telling her some of my acquaintances from home had enemies… the vampire kind. I knew she would probably change her opinion of me and might not even let Sam around her and her family anymore since he associated with me. But she just looked sympathetic.
"Well, I hope someone kills that bastard then," she said. "And maybe you should get new friends."
I laughed, actually laughed, at that.
I felt my foot vibrating and looked down at it curiously before remembering I had attached my cell phone to my shoe. I wasn't surprised to see Eric's name on the caller ID. "Hello," I answered.
"Lover, are you alright?" He sounded worried, but not overly so. He must have sensed that I was fine now.
"Yes."
"What has happened? Has the shifter hurt you in any way? I will be on my way as soon as possible to dismember him…"
"No," I said a little too loudly, cutting him off, and earning a look from Mindy. "Sam hasn't done anything to me. There was someone here… a vampire. He tried to kill me, but obviously he failed."
"You were not given proper protection. That is my fault. I have been distracted…" he broke off, clearly having no intentions of disclosing any more information on the subject.
"My protection is just fine. Sam and his mom… they took care of it." And scared the hell out of Deidra's family in the process, I added in my head. "And I'm _okay_," I said, stressing the last word.
Mindy gave me a wave to indicate she was getting up, leaving me alone to my conversation.
"I should come for you."
"No," I said again, more forcefully. "Look, I'm sure you have more important things to do then drive several hours just to pick me up. And it's pointless because I'm just fine where I am. The wedding is just finishing up and we'll be leaving here first thing in the morning."
I expected him to argue with me, or simply inform me that he was coming regardless of my wishes, but he didn't do either of those things.
"Very well," he said instead. "I will see you when you return, my lover."
I had to stop myself from asking him why he was giving up so easily. I realized that things back in Shreveport must be worse than I originally thought. Whereas a part of me really wanted to know what was going on with Eric, another part just wanted to enjoy what was left of the wedding and pretend my life was normal and that people weren't trying to kill me on a day to day basis.
I hung up my phone just as Sam was approaching me, dressed now in jeans and his traditional button up.
"Your vampire?" he asked, managing to conceal his distaste for Eric rather well.
I nodded. "Just checking up on me."
"Of course."
The DJ's voice came over the speakers announcing that the party wasn't over, or something like that, and encouraged people to get back out on the dance floor. He started playing an upbeat song I'd never heard.
My peripheral vision caught Sam's mother approaching us. She was wearing a violet dress now, with a darker shade of purple flowers dotting the fabric. She was smiling despite the situation.
"I'm sorry about your dress, Mrs.… Rose," I offered, knowing her other one must have gotten ripped when she'd transformed.
"Oh, it's alright, dear. I like this one better anyway."
"I need to find Deidra," I told them. "To apologize for ruining her wedding."
"You didn't ruin her wedding," the older woman said. "It wasn't your fault that blood sucking maniac was trying to kill you. Besides, I think it gave our snooty guests a bit of excitement. Maybe now they can pull those sticks out of their asses. And I'm sure Craig and Deidra both will look back on this and have a good laugh someday."
I tried to smile at her. Why did Sam's whole family have to be so nice to me?
"I should still talk to her. Oh," I said, suddenly remembered I owed this woman more than an apology. "Thank you for what you did. Both of you." In all of the chaos, I had somehow lost my manners. Sam and his mother had saved my life, the least I could do was say thank you. I made a mental note to send her a fruit basket.
"You don't have to thank me," she said. "Any girl who is important to my son is important to me. But you are very welcome. I'm just glad the office manager subscribes to _National Geographic._" She reached her arms out and I stepped into them without thinking. It had been a long time since I'd gotten to feel the warmth of a mother's embrace, and I could feel myself getting choked up as she hugged me. Though I'd just seen her as a wild animal, biting chunks out of a vampire, she was still one of the kindest women I'd ever met.
"I hope we'll be welcoming _you_ into the family with one of these shindigs someday," she whispered into my ear.
I felt the tears form in my eyes. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. I gripped her tighter for a moment before letting go. She pulled back to look at me, smiling.
"You'll make a beautiful bride, Sookie Stackhouse."
She gave my hands a squeeze and then threw a knowing look at her son before leaving us standing there alone.
"I'm sorry about my mom," Sam said. "She's just…"
"Amazing," I finished.
I looked over at him. He was smiling slightly. "Yes, she is."
The upbeat song came to an end and a slow ballad began to play. I watched as couples began making their way onto the dance floor, seeming to have gotten over the fear that the gunman would come back or that more exotic animals would make an appearance.
"Sookie?"
My gaze returned to my boss.
"Would you like to dance?"
"I would love to," was my immediate reply.
Sam held out his hand and I took it, letting him lead me onto the dance floor. I placed my arms around his neck and he settled his hands on my waist. We swayed in time to the music and eventually my arms fell and I settled my head on his chest. I closed my eyes and relaxed against him as the song ended and another slow one began. I'm not sure how long we stayed out there, but when I opened my eyes to gaze up at him, I realized that the music had stopped entirely. Couples were slowly parting company and the DJ had made some announcement. But I could only seem to focus on the man in front of me. The man that was holding me against his warm body and looking back at me like I was the only person in the room.
I found my gaze drifting from his eyes to his lips and back. Sam seemed to understand the silent message because his head lowered and he placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I felt a little jolt of electricity run through me in that brief moment that seemed to last forever. Then he was looking at me sympathetically. I was about to question him when I heard someone calling my name. Deidra was standing on the small stage motioning wildly for me to come over there. Sam reluctantly let me go and then smiled slightly as his new sister-in-law called my name again.
"Sookie, I'm throwing the bouquet. Get over here."
I rolled my eyes, which only made Sam smile wider. I sighed and made my way over to where a group of young girls and a few women had gathered. They all looked eager for what was about to go on. Deidra winked at me before turning her back to us.
"You ladies ready?"
A chorus of yeses sounded and I watched as Deidra looked over her shoulder and then tossed the flowers into the air.
* * *
><p>Sam made the turn into my driveway just a little after six. We hadn't ended up leaving Wright until after eight and then had stopped for an early dinner on the way home. Though I had had a better time at Craig and Deidra's wedding than I had anticipated, vampire attack and all, it was still good to be home.<p>
I glanced down at the small assortment of roses on my lap. "Do I really have to keep this thing?" I asked.
Sam laughed. "That's what they said. Until you get married."
"Then forever."
Sam shook his head but was still smiling. "You'll get married someday, Sookie."
"I'm already married," I said. Even though I hadn't agreed to _those_ nuptials beforehand.
"Being supernaturally betrothed to a vampire hardly counts," Sam replied, not bothering to hide his distaste this time.
"To him it does."
"What about to you?"
He had stopped the car in front of my house. I noted absently that I really needed to paint my porch.
"I don't know," I answered honestly. "I mean, when I'm around other vampires, I want it to be real because it's basically like I have a do not touch sign plastered on my forehead."
"And when you're not with vampires?"
"I still feel like me. Single Sookie Stackhouse, the girl who's almost thirty and still not married." I had to admit, it felt good to say that out loud.
"Well, I'm over thirty and still not married," Sam said, nudging me. "It doesn't mean it won't ever happen."
"Maybe you're right."
"Always am."
I gave him a genuine smile and a peck on the cheek. Then I opened my door and stepped out. "I'll see you Tuesday," I told him. Then I shut the door and grabbed my bag from the truck bed. I started making my way towards the house when his voice stopped me.
"Sookie," he called after me.
I turned and walked back to the truck. Sam had rolled the window down.
"There is something else." He paused, maybe for dramatic effect. "To answer your question…"
He didn't have to elaborate. I knew exactly which question he was referring to, and it wasn't when I'd asked him for the day off tomorrow.
"Yes. All the time." He gave me a small smile, one that I returned sincerely.
After his truck pulled out of my driveway, I continued to stand there on the porch, thinking. It was nearly sunset, which meant soon Eric would be rising. I would know the instant that happened of course, thanks to the blood bond. I briefly wondered if Amelia had found anything on that and reasoned that I would give her a quick call. There were no other cars in the driveway, which meant my fairy cousin and great uncle weren't home. They must have been at Hooligan's already.
I saw some movement out of the corner of my eye. My head jerked in that direction, but I hadn't felt any other presences, and I'd gotten really good at using my abilities to scope out my surroundings. I had let down my wall as soon as we'd left Sam's mother's house, so I would have caught at least a hint of activity. Could the vampire have followed us? Unlikely, but not impossible. The tenseness in my body dissipated as I realized that it was just the swing on my porch.
My gaze drifted back towards the road, though I could not see it from where I stood. Sam would be on his way to see Jannalynn probably. I realized that this should not bother me, but it did. It was simply because I didn't like her, I told myself. What else would it be?
I turned to go into my house, prepared to sit on my sofa and watch television until Eric inevitably arrived. He hadn't called me since the night before, which was no surprise since he would be out for the day, but I knew he would be here. And when he arrived, I would ask him about all of the secrecy and weird behavior that worried me. Despite that, I found myself looking forward to seeing him. I loved Eric and I wanted to be with him.
But even still, there was a thought, somewhere in the back of my mind. Words that had been spoken to me, echoing.
_What if everything you've been looking for has been right in front of you the whole time and you've just been too blind to see it? What if you're wasting time looking for love, when it's been there all along?_
THE END
* * *
><p><strong>AN: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed the story. I hope you enjoyed it.**
End file.
| fanfiction |
Why does Gauss's law apply to any shape of a closed surface?
What seems to incredibly bother me is why Gauss's law applies to any shape of a closed surface. Moreover, the fact that the electric flux is proportional to the enclosed charge is by many sources simply proven by using a point particle that is enclosed by a sphere. Hence the electric flux is proportional to the enclosed charge for any closed surface, which to me isn't obvious by just using a specific proof that includes merely a sphere.
Furthermore I have watched various videos on youtube, including a lecture given by Walter lewin, and visited numerous websites, however, all sources didn't resolve my confusion.
Lastly, why does Gauss's law also work for any collection of randomly distributed charges? Many sources state the any collection of charges can be thought of a collection of separate point charges, and since the electric fields of point charges should be added vectorially, they can also be be considered to be one total charge that generates one net electric field. Does this imply that the closed surface integral, used in Gauss's law, can be divided into separate closed surface integrals? Like so:
$$ \int\sum\ \vec E\bullet d\vec A = \int\ \vec E1\bullet d\vec A +\int\ \vec E2\bullet d\vec A
+ \ldots +\int\ \vec Ei\bullet d\vec A$$
Where every seperate line integral includes the electric field of a single point charge.
Now my mathematical toolkit is relatively limited, thus, please do not utilize complicated mathematical equations that originate from divergence, differential equations, etc.
Thank you in advance.
If you are convinced by the sphere argument, then consider for any irregular surface a spherical surface within it that contains entirely your charge. Then within a "sector" of certain solid angle, the field lines that pass through the intersection of this "sector" and your irregular surface are exactly those that pass through the projection of the irregular surface onto the sphere, and so the total number must be exactly the same.
If you want a more quantitative (read: rigorous) solution, I will have to direct you to the divergence theorem, there is just no way around it. To be frank, if you don't want to learn vector calculus, you will probably just have to accept some results for what they are.
Also, yes, the closed surface integral of the sum can be expressed as the sum of the integrals.
The integrals are not “line integrals”; they are an expression of flux (field x area). If you divide the enclosed volume into many very small solid angles, the dot product means you can use the component of the area at the outer end of the solid angle (represented by a vector pointing out) which is parallel to the field (and the radius). That area increases with the square of the radius and the field decreases with the square of the radius. That means that the flux depends only on the charge and the size of the solid angle; and not the radius or the slant of the actual surface. The integral involves summing the solid angles (the area of a sphere of any radius divided by the radius).
| stackexchange/physics |
Michael Burke 11 October 1843 21 March 1909 was an Australian politician.
He was born at Tamworth to shepherd Thomas Burke and Margaret Dwyer. He was a carpenter and possibly a policeman before entering politics. On 20 September 1866 he married Catherine Agnes Leahy, with whom he had six children one of these was Frank Burke, later Speaker of the New South Wales Legislative Assembly. In 1885 he was elected to the New South Wales Legislative Assembly for Tamworth, but he did not re-contest in 1887. Burke died at Newtown in 1909.
References
Category:1843 births
Category:1909 deaths
Category:Members of the New South Wales Legislative Assembly
Category:19th-century Australian politicians | wikipedia |
Does same refractive index for two objects mean that no reflection of light will take place? if yes then why? [closed]
**Closed.** This question is [off-topic](/help/closed-questions). It is not currently accepting answers.
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I have had this doubt since I read the vanishing glass bowl in glycerin. If you know about that then please explain the phenomena behind it.
Light interacts with a dielectric because the oscillating electric field associated with the light polarises the electron density within the dielectric, and this produces oscillating electric dipoles. These oscillating dipoles then reradiate light that interferes with the incident light and change its speed of propagation. It is the change in the strength of this interaction that causes the light to reflect at an interface.
The refractive index is related to the strength of the interaction between the light and the dielectric, so if the refractive index is the same either side of an interface that means the interaction of the light with the two materials is the same. And if the light interacts in the same way with both materials it is unaffected by passing though a boundary between them.
It might seem strange that a solid like glass and a liquid like glycerine can interact with light in the same way, but remember that the wavelength of light is much greater than the sizes of the molecules in the glass or glycerin. As far as the light is concerned both glass and glycerine are just a mass of electrons. If the interaction of the light with the electrons is the same in both glass and glycerine the light will propagate at the same speed in both of them.
| stackexchange/physics |
inflammation is a key pathogenic factor in various conditions of critical illness , even in the absence of an infection .
however , most of the biomarkers currently established in clinical practice are not sensitive enough to detect non - infectious states of inflammation early and reliably .
the urokinase plasminogen activator receptor ( upar ) is expressed on most leukocytes and is cleaved from the cell surface through inflammatory stimulation ( figure 1 ) .
the soluble upar , termed supar , has been suggested to mirror the degree of immunoactivation ( figure 1 ) and can be measured from blood , urine , saliva , or cerebrospinal fluid [ 3 - 5 ] . in this issue of critical care ,
backes and colleagues report , for the first time , that supar is also detectable in lung lavage fluid . in a prospective longitudinal cohort study of 26 patients ( 11 with and 15 without burn injury )
, the authors found that pulmonary supar levels were useful for the diagnosis of inhalation injury and that high systemic levels indicated an adverse prognosis in terms of duration of mechanical ventilation and length of intensive care unit ( icu ) stay .
schematic depiction of soluble urokinase plasminogen activator receptor ( supar ) as a novel biomarker in the intensive care unit .
the urokinase plasminogen activator receptor ( upar ) ( cd87 ) is expressed in various populations of immune cells , including neutrophils , monocytes , macrophages , and lymphocytes ( upper left corner ) .
upar consists of three disulphide - bonded domains ( d1 , d2 , and d3 ) and is attached to the cell membrane by a glycosyl phosphatidylinositol ( gpi ) anchor
. domains d1 and d3 represent a composite binding site for upa . upon inflammation ,
the receptor is cleaved from the cell surface at the gpi anchor and is released into various body fluids ( upper right corner ) .
circulating supar levels in serum are closely linked to inflammation in patients with type 2 diabetes , cardiovascular ( cv ) disorders , or cancer .
the highest supar serum concentrations are found in critically ill patients with systemic inflammatory response syndrome ( sirs ) or sepsis , and elevated supar values indicate an unfavorable prognosis ( lower left corner ) .
this was confirmed by backes and colleagues in a prospective observational cohort study of 26 intensive care unit patients ( 11 with and 15 without burn injury ) . as also demonstrated by the study
, supar can be detected in bronchoalveolar lavage ( bal ) and is indicative of inhalation injury ( lower right corner ) .
no data about pulmonary supar levels in pneumonia or other conditions of lung injury exist at present .
on the one hand , this study supports recent findings from several groups that circulating supar levels are valid biomarkers in determining the prognosis of critically ill patients in the icu [ 6 - 9 ] and extends prior results to this specialized subset of icu patients with burn injuries ( figure 1 ) . on the other hand , this study suggests that the measurement of supar from bronchoalveolar lavage can serve as a specific tool for the diagnosis of inhalation trauma .
the findings thereby challenge the current view that supar is a useful prognostic biomarker rather than a specific diagnostic biomarker .
this ' dogma ' had been based on various studies investigating circulating supar levels in different disease etiologies , including sepsis , cardiovascular disorders , and cancer .
however , we could already demonstrate a diagnostic value of serum supar levels for identifying alcoholic etiology among patients with chronic liver diseases .
the paper by backes and colleagues indicates that supar measurements obtained from distinct body fluids , namely bronchoalveolar lavage , may be diagnostically important in the icu setting .
nevertheless , before they can be applied to clinical routine , these results need to be validated in a larger cohort , which must include other pulmonary disorders such as pneumonia , non - infectious acute lung injury , and acute respiratory distress syndrome .
another future direction of research should address the potential pathogenic role of elevated supar levels in different compartments because supar not only may be a valid biomarker but also may promote disease progression .
circulating supar enters the glomerulus and binds 3 integrin , which normally anchors podocytes to the glomerular basement membrane . elevated plasma levels of supar lead to increased 3 integrin activation and consequently cause podocyte dysfunction and proteinuria .
this cascade has been identified as a major promoting pathogenic factor for renal scarring in focal segmental glomerulosclerosis .
thus , it appears possible that elevated pulmonary supar in burn injury exerts directly chemotactic or other pro - inflammatory functions , there - by perpetuating inflammation and tissue damage .
future clinical studies and experimental animal models may therefore consider supar not only as an epiphenomenon but also as a potential therapeutic target in inflammatory disorders .
icu : intensive care unit ; supar : soluble urokinase plasminogen activator receptor ; upar : urokinase plasminogen activator receptor . | pubmed |
Bill Kristol: "I'm a Squish on Gun Control… I Think There's Support For Moderate Forms of Gun Control" (Video)
Published July 22, 2012 at 10:33am
Let the politics begin…
FOX News analyst and conservative columnist Bill Kristol wants more gun control. The New York moderate told the FOX News Sunday panel today, "I'm a squish on gun control.. I think there's support for moderate forms of gun control."
As Hating Brietbart said: Gun Control means nobody could return fire in Theater 9. Gun control kills innocent people.
Reporter Emerald Robinson: Trump Is Focused on Primarying Those Who Didn't Stand Behind Him (VIDEO) | slim_pajama |
Jane Austen’s
Love & Friendship
-or-
The Spirit of Jealousy & Perversity of Malice
Adapted from her unfinished Novella
By Whit Stillman
Concerning the beautiful Lady Susan Vernon,
Her Loves and Friendships,
And the strange Antagonism of the DeCourcy family.
Partially Conformed Shooting Script
22 May 2015
Churchill Productions c/o Blinder Films
71 Dame Street, Dublin Dramatis Personae
Lady Susan Vernon, a beautiful young widow -- appea rs not “more than five & twenty”
Mrs. Alicia Johnson, Lady Susan’s good friend
Mr. Johnson, Alicia’s older husband to whom “the gr eat word Respectable” applies.
Lord Manwaring, a divinely attractive man
Lady Lucy Manwaring, his wealthy wife; formerly Mr. Johnson’s ward
Miss Maria Manwaring, Lord Manwaring’s eligible you nger sister
Miss Frederica Susanna Vernon, a school girl; Lady Susan’s daughter
Mrs. Catherine Vernon (nee DeCourcy), Lady Susan’s sister-in-law
Mr. Reginald DeCourcy, Catherine’s young & handsome brother
Mr. Charles Vernon, her obliging husband & brother of the late Lord Vernon
Maud, Catherine’s maid
Wilson, a servant at Churchill
Sir Reginald DeCourcy, Catherine & Reginald’s elder ly father
Lady. DeCourcy, their mother
Sir James Martin, wealthy young suitor of Frederica Vernon & Maria Manwaring, a bit of a
“Rattle.”
Mrs. Cross, Lady Susan’s impoverished friend and ai de
Locales
Langford -- Lord and Lady Manwaring’s estate
Churchill -- Charles and Catherine Vernon’s estate, in Sussex
Parklands -- the DeCourcy family seat, in Kent
Hurst & Wilford – inn & coaching station near Churc hill
Edward Street, London -- the Johnsons’ townhouse
Upper Seymour Street, London -- Lady Susan’s rooms A Note on Period
The events occur in the latter 1790s. The fashions could either be the attractive
traditional ones from the first part of the decade or the striking neo-classical
“Directoire” style which came in with the French Di rectory, the transitional regime that
marked the ascension of the Napoleonic Era.
Music and a local “Assembly” dancing sequence have not yet been indicated for this
draft. The music of the period was especially bril liant and perhaps could be used
similarly to the classical score for “Barry Lyndon. ”
A Note on Tone
Rather than romantic Austen of the "Sense & Sensibi lity" sort, this would be more
comic Austen somewhat akin to the Oscar Wilde adapt ations – though still with lush
locations, costumes and even some weddings. The pr otagonist is Lady Susan Vernon,
beautiful & charming, the romantic puppet master wh o seeks (usually successfully) to
manipulate all around her. Though not a convention al heroine, played with the right
style & charm we hope she might be compelling as we ll as funny. The period is closer
to that of "Dangerous Liaisons" than Austen’s later novels.
Catherine Vernon describes Lady Susan
“She is really excessively pretty… I have seldom seen so lovely a Woman as Lady
Susan. She is delicately fair, with fine grey eyes & dark eyelashes; & from her
appearance one would not suppose her more than five & twenty... I cannot help feeling
that she possesses an uncommon union of Symmetry, B rilliancy, & Grace. Her address
to me was so gentle, frank, & even affectionate, th at, if I had not known how much she
has always disliked me for marrying Mr. Vernon… I s hould have imagined her an
attached friend… Her Countenance is absolutely swe et, & her voice & manner
winningly mild. I am sorry it is so, for what is t his but Deceit?” TITLE CARD: ‘November - Langford’
EXT. PANORAMA, LANGFORD
Dramatic baroque music. Diagonal crane shot of Lan gford, an
elegant country residence. Liveried footman carry trunks to *
an impressive carriage.
REGINALD (V.O.)
(Wistfully sententious)
Langford, Langford! If only it
hadn't been for Langford - how
happy we might have been!
The sound of a sob, a fashionable young woman, MISS MARIA
MANWARING, runs into frame heading to the house, cr ying. Her
elder brother, LORD MANWARING -- an impressive figu re - exits
as she enters, pursued by a thin, haggard yet rathe r young
woman -- LADY LUCY MANWARING, his wife.
LUCY MANWARING
Manwaring! Manwaring! Don't turn
your back to me! Please! I can't
bear it!
Manwaring approaches a stunningly beautiful woman a ccompanied
by a drably cloaked girl, her face hidden in the sh adow of
her hood. Manwaring and a servant help the two into a
carriage.
An idiotic young fop, SIR JAMES MARTIN, hurries int o frame.
SIR JAMES
Lady Susan! Frederica! Wait! I beg
you...
As Sir James nears the carriage it pulls out; he’s left in
the drive, lace kerchief to face, watching them go.
Title card: ‘Churchill’
INT. BLUE ROOM, CHURCHILL -- DAY
A footman lights candles as an attractive young wom an, MRS.
CATHERINE VERNON writes at her desk. CHARLES VERNON , her
husband, approaches as the footman leaves.
CHARLES (O.S.)
Catherine, a letter--
Charles enters with a letter. He is calm and bland; he sits. CHARLES (CONT’D)
--it seems Lady Susan will finally
visit...
REGINALD DECOURCY, Catherine's brother, enters in r iding
clothes as if about to head out for a jaunt.
CHARLES (CONT’D)
In fact she's already on her way.
CATHERINE
What?
He gives her the letter which she starts to read.
REGINALD
Lady Susan Vernon?
Catherine nods.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
Congratulations on being about to
receive the most accomplished flirt
in all England!
CHARLES
You misjudge her, Reginald.
REGINALD
How so?
CHARLES
Like many women of beauty and
distinction our sister-in-law has
been a victim of the spirit of
jealousy in our land.
CATHERINE
It’s jealousy?
CHARLES
Yes. Like anyone, Susan might be
capable of an action or remark open
to misconstruction but I cannot but
admire the fortitude with which she
has supported grave misfortunes.
REGINALD
Excuse me -- I spoke out of turn.
Catherine’s look is that he did not speak out of tu rn; dogs
bark outside; Charles leaves. 2. CATHERINE
Why would Lady Susan, who was so
well settled at Langford, suddenly
want to visit us?
REGINALD
What reason does she give?
CATHERINE
(reading)
Her “anxiety to meet” me and to
“know the children." These have
never concerned her before.
Reginald finishes pulling on his riding gloves, a r eflective
look on his face as if anticipating the meeting.
TITLE CARD: ‘Edward Street, London’
INT. EDWARD STREET HOUSE -- DAY
ALICIA JOHNSON, a pretty woman of fashion, floats d own the
hall as a doorbell sounds. A servant opens the fron t door,
revealing LADY SUSAN, the beautiful young woman gli mpsed
earlier. Alicia hurries her inside.
ALICIA
Susan! Come - hurry.
SUSAN
My dear, such haste! How curious
you are.
ALICIA
Mr. Johnson's carriage is about to
come into the street...
SUSAN
(laughs)
Surely that must happen often...
ALICIA
You didn’t receive my letter?
SUSAN
Letter?
ALICIA
Mr. Johnson forbids my seeing you.
SUSAN
Preposterous! How can he “forbid?” 3. ALICIA
By threatening the severest
punishment imaginable -- sending me
back to Connecticut.
SUSAN
To be tarred-and-feathered?
ALICIA
He now claims to have important
business at Hartford and threatens
to settle there if our connection
is not entirely severed.
SUSAN
For what possible reason or
pretext?
ALICIA
His former ward, Lucy Manwaring,
wrote to him.
SUSAN
Did she?
Alicia slips Lucy Manwaring’s letter from the desk drawer and
hands it to Susan as they both sit.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
A horrid woman!
ALICIA
I know.
SUSAN
Deranged. If she were going to be
jealous she should not have married
such a charming man! I recall
thinking as I approached Langford:
(dramatically)
"I like this Man; pray Heaven no
harm come of it!" I was determined
to be discreet and I have been --
admitting no one's attentions but
Manwaring’s, avoiding general
flirtation entirely... Except for a
little notice bestowed on Sir James
Martin. But if the world knew my
motive there it would honor me!
ALICIA
Martin? 4. SUSAN
Sir James Martin, of Martindale.
Vastly rich and rather simple.
ALICIA
Ideal.
SUSAN
Miss Maria Manwaring had set her
cap for him, considering such an
income too large not to be shared.
But with a little notice I detached
him and soon had him in love with
Frederica. If my daughter were not
the greatest simpleton on earth
she’d be engaged to him now!
ALICIA
What?
SUSAN
She refused him! A baronet with ten
thousand a year. It's all so
provoking.
ALICIA
But where will you live?
SUSAN
Were there another place open to
me, I would crawl there on my
knees: the worst spot this side of
the ocean, a Country Village:
Churchill, my brother-in-law's
seat. Mrs. Cross, a gentlewoman in
straitened circumstances who will
come as my companion -- to pack,
unpack, that sort of thing. As
there’s an element of friendship
involved I’m sure the paying of
wages would be offensive to us
both...
EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD -- DAY.
Lady Susan, beautiful in travelling clothes, rides a carriage
accompanied by her companion, MRS. CROSS:
SUSAN
...My brother-in-law, Charles
Vernon, is very rich. 5.
(MORE) Once a man gets his name on a
Banking House he rolls in money --
so it is not very rational for his
lady to begrudge the sums he has
advanced me.
MRS. CROSS
Decidedly irrational, not rational
at all.
SUSAN
I have no money -- and no husband --
-- but in one’s plight they say is
one’s opportunity. Not that I would
ever want to think in opportunistic
terms...
MRS. CROSS
Certainly not. Never.
The COACHMAN turns to them and shouts:
COACHMAN
Churchill, coming into view, your
Ladyship.
Lady Susan looks to the distance. An impressive anc ient
castle appears from behind the greenery:
SUSAN
Heavens... What a bore.
MRS. CROSS
Yes, decidedly boring.
EXT. CHURCHILL -- DAY
Crane shot as the carriage pulls into the drive bef ore
“Churchill,” as Charles and the young children desc end the
steps to greet them. Footmen help the ladies from the
carriage; Lady Susan pays particular attention to l ittle
Frederick.
INT. CHURCHILL, MAIN HALL -- DAY
The butler, WILSON, exasperated, leads a footman ac ross the
hall:
WILSON
Mrs. Cross is a friend of Lady
Susan and should be in the
adjoining room. 6.
SUSAN (CONT'D) INT. CHURCHILL, SUSAN’S ROOMS -- DAY
Lady Susan enters as Mrs. Cross unpacks her trunk.
SUSAN
I have no reason to complain of Mr.
Vernon’s reception but I’m not
entirely satisfied with his lady’s.
MRS. CROSS
No?
SUSAN
She's perfectly well-bred,
surprisingly so, but her manner
doesn’t persuade me that she's
disposed in my favour.
A sympathetic look of agreement from Mrs. Cross.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
As you might have noticed I sought
to be as amiable as possible--
MRS. CROSS
Exceptionally amiable. In fact
entirely charming -- excuse me for
saying so--
SUSAN
Not at all -- it's true. I wanted
her to be delighted with me--
(disappointed)
--but I didn’t succeed.
MRS. CROSS
I can't understand it.
Susan, thoughtful, recalls:
SUSAN
It’s true I have always detested
her. And that, before her marriage,
I went to great lengths to prevent
it. Yet it shows an illiberal
spirit to resent for long a plan
which didn’t succeed.
MRS. CROSS
Decidedly illiberal. Not liberal at
all! 7. SUSAN
My opposing her marriage -- and
later preventing her and Charles
from buying Vernon Castle -- might
have given her an unfavorable
impression. But I’ve found that,
where there’s a disposition to
dislike, a pretext will soon be
found.
MRS. CROSS
You mustn’t reproach yourself--
SUSAN
I shan't -- the past is done. My
project will be the children. I
know a couple of their names
already and have decided to attach
myself to young Frederick in
particular, taking him on my lap
and sighing over him for his dear
Uncle's sake--
A knock on the door.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Come in.
Wilson enters.
WILSON
Mrs. Vernon's compliments, your
ladyship. She asks if you and Mrs.
Cross would join her for tea?
SUSAN
With pleasure--
She exchanges a look with Mrs. Cross.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Mrs. Cross would prefer her repose
but thank Mrs. Vernon -- I will
join her directly.
INT. GOLD ROOM -- DAY
A footman crosses out while Catherine checks the te a setting;
the sounds of children come from off-screen. 8. SUSAN (O.S.)
Yes, Frederick, I see you have
quite an appetite: you will grow
tall and handsome like your uncle --
and father.
LITTLE CHARLOTTE VERNON (O.S.)
Frederick, be good...
Catherine smiles and approaches them.
LITTLE CHARLOTTE VERNON (O.S.)
(CONT’D)
Frederick, don’t touch that!
CATHERINE
Frederick, be careful.
The off-screen clatter of metal objects.
CATHERINE (CONT’D)
I’m so sorry!
From off, Susan laughs, then enters with a gash of red jam on
her dress.
SUSAN
Not at all. Such a family
resemblance -- it rather moves me.
CATHERINE
You’ll want to change.
Susan covers the mark with a napkin and smoothly si ts.
SUSAN
Oh no -- let’s have our tea while
it’s warm. Mrs. Cross is a genius
with fabrics.
Catherine serves the tea. Susan takes her cup.
CATHERINE
Are you sure?
SUSAN
Oh yes! How much Frederick reminds
me of his dear uncle!
CATHERINE
You think there's a resemblance?
SUSAN
Yes, remarkable -- the eyes… 9. Catherine considers this:
CATHERINE
Weren’t Frederick Vernon's eyes
brown?
SUSAN
(using her hand)
I refer to the shape and slope of
the brow...
CATHERINE
Oh.
SUSAN
I must thank you for this visit --
I'm afraid the short notice must
have come as a surprise.
CATHERINE
Only because I understood you to be
so happily settled at Langford.
SUSAN
It’s true -- Lady Manwaring and her
husband made me feel welcome. But
their sunny dispositions led them
often into society. I might have
tolerated such a life at one time
but the loss of a husband such as
Mr. Vernon is not borne easily. To
stay with you here, at your
charming retirement--
(she looks around)
--became my fondest wish...
CATHERINE
I was glad to have the chance to
meet.
SUSAN
Might I confide something?
Catherine nods.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Langford was not ideal for my
daughter. Her education has been
neglected, for which I fault myself
-- Mr. Vernon's illness prevented
my paying her the attention both
duty and affection required. 10.
(MORE) I have therefore placed her at the
excellent school Miss Summers
keeps.
CATHERINE
I trust Frederica will visit soon.
SUSAN
A visit, as delightful as that
might be, would represent so many
days and hours deducted from the
“Grand Affair of Education.” And
I’m afraid Frederica can’t afford
such deductions.
CATHERINE
But she'll come for Christmas--
SUSAN
Alas, no: Miss Summers can only
give her the concentrated attention
she needs then.
Susan puts down her cup and glances at the jam stai n.
CATHERINE
I’m so sorry--
SUSAN
Not at all! If you’ll excuse me
I’ll give it to Mrs. Cross who,
once rested, craves activity.
She gets up.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Once she’s applied her genius to it
all trace of little Frederick’s
interesting design will disappear!
Susan leaves; Catherine is left, looking pensive.
INT. LADY SUSAN’S ROOMS, CHURCHILL -- DAY
While Mrs. Cross works on the dress stain, Lady Sus an reads
correspondence:
SUSAN
The fees at Frederica’s school are
far too high to even think of
paying! So, in a sense, it’s an
economy... 11.
SUSAN (CONT’D) EXT. CHURCHILL FORECOURT -- LATE AFTERNOON
Reginald arrives at a trot and dismounts, his horse held by a
retainer. Removing his gloves he bounds up the fro nt steps.
INT. HALLWAY TO GOLD ROOM, CHURCHILL -- LATE AFTERN OON/EARLY
EVENING
Catherine with Reginald as he shakes off the cold; servants
light candles.
REGINALD
...I confess to curiosity to know
this lady and see first-hand her
bewitching powers. Is she as
beautiful as they say?
CATHERINE
You worry me, Reginald.
REGINALD
Don’t. I understand Lady Susan
possesses a degree of captivating
deceit which might be pleasing to
detect.
CATHERINE
You truly worry me.
SUSAN (O.S.)
Good evening!
Lady Susan and Mrs. Cross enter from the garden or hallway,
weather dependent. Reginald and Catherine are struc k
momentarily silent.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
What charming expressions!
Catherine recovers first:
CATHERINE
Susan, let me introduce my brother,
Reginald DeCourcy. Reginald, may I
present Frederick Vernon’s widow,
Lady Susan, and her friend, Mrs.
Cross.
After a polite nod to Mrs. Cross, Reginald addresse s Susan: 12. REGINALD
Delighted to make your
acquaintance: Your renown precedes
you.
SUSAN
(long pause; coolly)
I’m afraid the allusion escapes me.
REGINALD
Your reputation as an ornament to
our Society...
Susan pauses a moment to collect her thoughts.
SUSAN
What you say surprises me. Since
the great sadness of my husband’s
death I have lived in nearly
perfect isolation. To better know
his family, and further remove
myself from Society, I came to
Churchill -- not to make new
acquaintance of a frivolous sort.
But of course I’m pleased to know
my sister’s relations...
MONTAGE with period music -- First, beautiful wide landscape
view; Lady Susan and Reginald walk their horses aft er a ride;
then another time they walk in the garden. And are observed
doing so: Mrs. Cross pauses from attending to Susan ’s
wardrobe to look down upon them in the garden.
INT. CHURCHILL, SUSAN’S ROOMS -- DAY
Susan who returns in outdoor clothes pulling off he r gloves.
Mrs. Cross -- still pleased to take care of Lady Su san’s
rooms and wardrobe -- warmly greets her.
MRS. CROSS
I take it you are finding Mr.
DeCourcy’s society more agreeable?
Susan doesn’t disagree -- thinking...
SUSAN
To some degree... At first his
conversation betrayed a sauciness
and familiarity which is my
aversion -- but since I’ve found a
quality of callow idealism which
rather interests me. 13.
(MORE) When I've inspired him with a
greater respect than his sister's
kind offices have allowed he might
in fact be an agreeable flirt.
MRS. CROSS
He’s handsome, isn’t he?
Susan considers.
SUSAN
Yes. In a calf-like way -- not like
Manwaring, of course. But there’s a
certain pleasure in making a
person, pre-determined to dislike,
instead acknowledge one's
superiority. How delightful it will
be to humble the pride of these
pompous DeCourcys!
CARD: “Parklands, ancestral estate of the DeCourcy family”
INT. PARKLANDS -- DAY
The distinguished Sir Reginald DeCourcy walks throu gh the
impressive halls a letter in his hand.
INT. PARKLANDS, MORNING ROOM -- DAY
Lady DeCourcy, mother of Catherine and Reginald, ta kes tea on
the sofa, as Sir Reginald enters.
SIR REGINALD
A letter for you, my dear.
LADY DECOURCY
A letter?
SIR REGINALD
From Catherine.
LADY DECOURCY
I hope she'll arrive soon.
Lady DeCourcy takes the letter from him; she has th e sniffles
from a cold.
LADY DECOURCY (CONT’D)
The season’s cheerless without the
children.
Having trouble reading the letter, she puts it asid e. 14.
SUSAN (CONT'D) LADY DECOURCY (CONT’D)
I'm afraid this cold has affected
my eyes.
SIR REGINALD
Save your eyes, my dear - I'll read
for you.
LADY DECOURCY
No, that's all right--
SIR REGINALD
I insist.
Sir Reginald starts to read a moment to himself, th en aloud.
SIR REGINALD (CONT’D)
Alright, now let’s see--
(reading & paraphrasing)
Catherine hopes you are well...
She asks most particularly that you
give me her love.
He looks to her expectantly.
LADY DECOURCY
Yes, and..?
Sir Reginald continues reading, mumbling a bit as h e does.
SIR REGINALD
Reginald's decided to stay at
Churchill to hunt with Charles. He
cites the “fine open weather...”
He looks out the window.
SIR REGINALD (CONT’D)
What nonsense. The weather’s not
open at all!
LADY DECOURCY
Maybe it is there, or was when she
wrote.
(sweetly)
My dear, could you just read?
SIR REGINALD
Verbatim?
LADY DECOURCY
Yes, the words - some of
Catherine’s voice will be in them. 15. SIR REGINALD
I'll read each word, comma and dash
if that's what you wish. Here: "I
grow deeply uneasy (comma) my
dearest Mother (comma) about
Reginald (comma) from witnessing
the very rapid increase of her
influence (semi-colon)--
LADY DECOURCY
Just the words, please.
SIR REGINALD
No punctuation at all? All right,
much easier: "He and Lady Susan are
now on terms of the most particular
friendship, frequently engaged in
long conversations together." Lady
Susan?
LADY DECOURCY
Yes Lady Susan has been visiting
Churchill.
SIR REGINALD
Lady Susan Vernon?!
LADY DECOURCY
Yes.
SIR REGINALD
How could Reginald engage in
conversations with Lady Susan
Vernon? Conversations which are...
“long.” What would they talk about?
LADY DECOURCY
My eyes have definitely cleared --
I’ll read it myself. Don't trouble
yourself...
SIR REGINALD
No, no, if my son and heir is
involved with such a lady I must
trouble myself:
(reading)
“How sincerely do I grieve she ever
entered this house! Her power over
him is boundless: She has not only
entirely effaced his former ill-
opinion but persuaded him to
justify her conduct in the most
passionate of terms…” 16. Sir Reginald puts down the letter.
SIR REGINALD (CONT’D)
Well I must go--
LADY DECOURCY
No - I'll write--
SIR REGINALD
No, no, if this is happening,
there’s no time.
Sir Reginald heads off to prepare.
EXT. HURST & WILFORD -- DAY
Reginald rides on horseback and dismounts at the ta vern and
coaching station.
INT. MAIN ROOM, HURST & WILFORD -- DAY.
Reginald enters. His father warms himself by the fi re.
REGINALD
Father!
SIR REGINALD
Good afternoon.
REGINALD
How extraordinary for you to be
here...
Sir Reginald stands by the fire, very reserved.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
You are in good health, I trust?
How is Mother?
Sir Reginald continues silently by the fire.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
What brings you here?
SIR REGINALD
I won’t dissemble and say I have
business in this district -- what
I’ve come about is more important.
REGINALD
What’s of such importance? 17. SIR REGINALD
I know young men don't admit
inquiry into affairs of the heart.
But, as the sole son of an ancient
family, you must know that your
conduct is most important to us --
your happiness, ours, the credit of
our family name, its very survival--
REGINALD
But Father--
SIR REGINALD
No, no, hear me out. I know you
would not deliberately form an
engagement without informing us but
I cannot help fear that you’ll fall
into an obligation which everyone
near you must oppose.
REGINALD
What do you mean, Sir?
SIR REGINALD
Lady Susan Vernon's age alone--
REGINALD
Father, you astonish me!
SIR REGINALD
What surprises you?
REGINALD
Imputing such ambitions to Lady
Susan! She’d never think of such a
thing; even her enemies grant her
excellent understanding. My sole
interest has been to enjoy the
lively conversation of a superior
lady. But Catherine’s prejudice is
so great--
SIR REGINALD
Prejudice? Lady Susan’s neglect of
her late husband, her extravagance
and dissipation, her encouragement
of other men, were so notorious--
REGINALD
These are vile calumnies -- I could
explain each but will not so
dignify them. I know you spend
little time in Society-- 18. SIR REGINALD
None.
REGINALD
Should you have frequented it more
you’d know the astonishing degree
of vile, hateful jealousy in our
country--
SIR REGINALD
Do not deprecate our country, Sir!
I can’t prevent your inheriting the
family estate and my ability to
distress you during my life is not
the kind of revenge that I would
choose to take--
REGINALD
Father, this is unnecessary--
SIR REGINALD
No, no, let me continue. A
permanent connection between you
and Lady Susan Vernon would destroy
every comfort of our lives: It
would be the death of the honest
pride with which we’ve always
considered you-- we’d blush to see
you, to hear of you, to think of
you.
REGINALD
Father, with the utmost humility
let me say that what you imagine
is... impossible.
INT. CHURCHILL, STAIRS -- DAY
A somber Mrs. Cross follows two footmen carrying he r trunck
down the stairs. Lady Susan follows the group, a p leasant
expression on her face.
INT./EXT. CHURCHILL, FORECOURT, FRONT STEPS & HALL -- DAY
Lady Susan watches from a window as the footmen hel p Mrs.
Cross and her trunk into the carriage. Charles Vern on,
morning post in hand, joins her to watch the carria ge depart.
SUSAN
Poor Mrs. Cross was obliged to
accept a position in
Buckinghamshire. 19.
(MORE) As there was an element of
friendship between us I realized
the paying of wages would be
offensive to us both.
CHARLES
You value friendship highly.
SUSAN
Yes. I hope I was of some help to
her.
Charles, separating one letter from the others:
CHARLES
Your friends don't neglect you.
Some distance away Reginald pretends to be reading a book of
Cowper’s poems but his attention is all on Susan as she takes
the letter expectantly.
SUSAN
Thank you, Charles.
Looking at the envelope.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Oh, it's from Frederica's school...
As Charles moves off she finds a letter opener, sli ts open
the envelope and begins to read; her face falls.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
No…!
Agitated she sits and continues to read - Reginald goes to
her.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
I can't believe it! It… defies
comprehension!
REGINALD
What?
SUSAN
Frederica has run away!...
Run away from school!
REGINALD
Heavens -- where to?
SUSAN
They don't know. 20.
SUSAN (CONT'D) REGINALD
She's lost?!
SUSAN
No -- they detected her plan early
enough to intercept her. But what
folly! Where could she have thought
of going?
REGINALD
Surely, here.
SUSAN
No, this is the last place she’d
come; I mean, rather--
REGINALD
But she must miss you terribly--
SUSAN
Certainly -- I just don’t think
Churchill would be her object.
Susan continues reading the letter -- then reacts:
SUSAN (CONT’D)
This is outrageous! Miss Summers
requires that Frederica be removed
from school!... No! This will not
stand!... Perhaps Miss Summers is
under the impression that, as a
widow without fortune, I may be
bullied. She's evidently forgotten:
Frederica is a Vernon!
Lady Susan stands and looks out the window in agita ted
thought.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Charles must put this right:
Confronted with his imposing worth,
even the mistress of a school must
be persuaded to act rightly.
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD -- DAY
Charles and Lady Susan in a carriage heading for Lo ndon.
INT./EXT. STATELY ARCADE -- DAY
Lady Susan walks with Alicia Johnson in the elegant setting. 21. SUSAN
I had no notion of Frederica being
so contrary -- she seemed all
Vernon milkiness -- but it confirms
the rightness of my plan. Did Sir
James call?
ALICIA
Several times.
SUSAN
Excellent!
ALICIA
I followed your instructions,
scolding him roundly for making
love to Maria Manwaring -- he
protested that it had only been in
joke! You are right: he's
wonderfully silly.
In view across the courtyard an ARISTOCRATIC MAN fo llowed by
a footman has noticed the ladies and slowly approac hes them.
They continue walking, Susan reflecting:
SUSAN
But we can’t let Sir James forget
with whom he’s in love -- a man so
rich and foolish will not remain
single long.
ALICIA
Sir James is so far from having
forgotten the Vernons I’m sure he
would marry either of you in an
instant...
Susan smiles and nods, a non-verbal “thank you.”
SUSAN
I must go back to Churchill -- but
I might need your help finding
another school should Miss Summers
not take her back. Under no
circumstance will I have her at
Churchill.
ALICIA
Very wise...
SUSAN
What do you mean? 22. ALICIA
The nearness of their ages...
Susan looks confused.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
Her and Reginald’s...
As the implication dawns Susan is displeased.
SUSAN
How unkind...
ALICIA
Forgive me!
SUSAN
(suddenly sunny)
Forgiven! The Fallacy of Youth!
Isn’t it rather clear we, women of
decision, who hold the trumps!
ARISTOCRATIC MAN
Lady Susan? Lady Susan Vernon?
Lady Susan turns, slow-basting the man with a scath ing look:
SUSAN
How dare you address me, Sir!
The ARISTOCRATIC MAN looks stunned.
ARISTOCRATIC MAN
But Lady Susan--
SUSAN
Be gone, Sir! Or I will have you
whipped!
The man turns and slinks away shame-faced.
ALICIA
Outrageous! You had never seen him
before?
SUSAN
Oh, no, I know him well. I would
never speak to a stranger that way.
Alicia considers this and nods.
EXT. A COUNTRY ROAD -- DAY 23. Lady Susan in a carriage returning from London on h er own.
Music plays.
EXT. CHURCHILL -- DAY
A beautiful establishing shot.
EXT. CHURCHILL, GARDENS -- DAY
Reginald and Lady Susan walk in the gardens:
SUSAN
I hope that you might soon know my
friend Alicia -- she’s an American,
from the Connecticut branch of the
Delancey family. Although even the
best-bred Americans don’t sound
particularly “fine,” there’s a
freshness to her manners which I
find rather tonic. Her family were
treated outrageously there in the
late war, punished for their very
loyalty to the Crown. Americans
have shown themselves to be a
nation of ingrates -- only having
children can one begin to
understand such a dynamic.
REGINALD
Yes.
INT. CHURCHILL, GROUND FLOOR ROOMS -- DAY
Catherine Vernon, carrying an envelope, searches th e rooms,
finally finding whom she seeks entering the Gold Ro om from
the garden direction.
CATHERINE
Susan, I’ve been looking for you --
the afternoon coach brought this
note. Perhaps Charles has succeeded
with Miss Summers...
Susan opens the note and reads a few lines.
SUSAN
Oh it's as I feared! Miss Summers
refuses to keep Frederica -- she
says she must think of her school's
reputation-- 24. REGINALD
Preposterous! I never heard of her
school!
The sound of arrivals come from the front of the ho use.
INT. CHURCHILL, HALLWAY -- DAY
Charles Vernon accompanied by a shy girl of eightee n
approaches.
INT. CHURCHILL, GOLD ROOM -- DAY
The group notices the sound.
REGINALD
Could that be them?
SUSAN
What, Frederica? Here?
Charles and Frederica appear in their travelling cl othes.
Frederica is young, quietly attractive, and terrifi ed.
CHARLES
Hullo, hullo. Well, here we are...
CATHERINE
Is this Frederica?
CHARLES
Yes, allow me to introduce our
niece -- charming girl -- Miss
Frederica Vernon.
CATHERINE
Welcome, Frederica! We've longed
to know you.... My brother,
Reginald DeCourcy.
REGINALD
Hullo. Pleased to meet you.
Frederica bows to all but finally is left facing he r mother.
SUSAN
Good afternoon, Frederica.
FREDERICA
(voice breaking)
Good afternoon, Mother. 25. Looking at her mother Frederica bursts into tears a nd runs
from the room.
SUSAN
Excuse me. It's as I feared -- I
must go to my daughter.
Susan leaves.
REGINALD
What was that? Extraordinary.
CATHERINE
Poor Frederica.
REGINALD
Poor mother of Frederica!
CATHERINE
What?
REGINALD
The daughter is, I understand, a
problem case.
CATHERINE
I only saw fear.
CHARLES
She hasn’t had tea. It could be
lack of nourishment.
EXT. CHURCHILL, GARDENS -- DAY
Susan and Reginald walk on a garden path; he looks around:
REGINALD
Where is Frederica?
SUSAN
In our rooms practicing the
pianoforte.
REGINALD
She practices quietly.
They both listen for the notes -- Susan glances qui ckly back.
SUSAN
Don't look -- Frederica's watching
us. 26. REGINALD
Watching us?
SUSAN
Yes, at the window -- don't look.
REGINALD
How odd. To be spied upon.
SUSAN
(laughs)
That's the parent's lot. We bring
these delightful creatures into the
world -- eagerly, happily -- but
before long they are spying upon
and judging us -- rarely favorably.
Having children is our fondest wish
-- but, in doing so, we breed our
acutest critics. A preposterous
situation -- but entirely of our
own making.
She laughs.
REGINALD
I marvel at your good humor.
SUSAN
What alternative have we? It’s the
way of the world. We must accept it
with a smile.
(she smiles)
Of course when the little ones are
very small there's a kind of
sweetness which partially
compensates for the dreadfulness
which comes after...
REGINALD
You worry for Frederica’s future?
SUSAN
I worry for her present:
(laughs)
Frederica's neither pretty nor
accomplished, with no conversation--
I say this with a mother’s love,
(sincerely, moved)
accepting that the responsibility
for securing her future rests with
me...
She looks to Reginald with a sincere, candid expres sion which
he returns. 27. INT. CHURCHILL, DRAWING ROOM -- DAY
Catherine and Reginald are together.
CATHERINE
She’s quite prettier than I ever
imagined.
REGINALD
Pretty? You think so?
CATHERINE
Yes. You don’t?
REGINALD
No. I’d not have said that. In any
case, beauty matters little; it’s
vivacity and a lively intelligence
one looks for -- even from the
young.
A commotion can be heard outside, Catherine heads t oward the
door but as she does a distraught Frederica bursts in.
FREDERICA
Oh, I’m sorry. Excuse me--
Embarrassed to find Reginald there, she stops.
FREDERICA (CONT’D)
I beg your pardon.
CATHERINE
What is it, my dear?
FREDERICA
He’s here! He’s come! Sir James is
here!
CATHERINE
Who?
FREDERICA
Excuse me. I'm sorry--
Frederica leaves, hurrying to her room; a subdued S usan
enters with Sir James Martin.
SIR JAMES
So sorry to come like this.
(laughs)
I suppose you didn't expect me.
(laughs) 28. Lady Susan is not amused; she proceeds crisply.
SUSAN
Catherine, let me introduce Sir
James Martin. Sir James, my sister
in law, Mrs. Catherine Vernon and
her brother, Mr. Reginald DeCourcy.
SIR JAMES
Hullo.
THE OTHERS
How do you do?
Sir James, surprised by the question, takes a momen t to
consider it:
SIR JAMES
Kind of you to ask: Excellent.
Truly very well, thank you...
Excuse my hurry in coming -- the
lack of notice beforehand, et
cetera, et cetera...
(laughs)
Truth is, I forgot to write -- then
it was too late. Now I'm here...
(laughs)
Took the liberty of a relation,
hoping soon to be one.
He nods in the direction Frederica, laughs; the oth ers are
silent. Sir James turns to Lady Susan.
SIR JAMES (CONT’D)
I must say, you looked surprised.
(laughs)
You were astonished to see me. No?
Not? Well, that's how it looked.
(laughs)
SUSAN
Yes, I was astonished -- and still
am.
SIR JAMES
(to Reginald)
An impressive establishment you
have here, Sir. My congratulations.
Immaculate.
SUSAN
Mr. DeCourcy is Mrs. Vernon's
brother-- 29. SIR JAMES
Very good!
SUSAN
--it's her husband, Mr. Vernon, who
has Churchill.
SIR JAMES
Churchill? That's how you say it?
All-together that way:
(very, very quickly)
“Churchill.”
(marvelling)
That explains a great deal. I had
heard “church” ...and “hill” -- but
I couldn’t find either. All I saw
was a big house.
(laughs)
Fine name: “Churchill.”
Marlborough, right? The general. He
showed the French!
(laughs; to Catherine)
You must be very proud.
REGINALD
No connection.
SIR JAMES
But I believe I’ve heard it spoken
of.
(to Susan)
I think you mentioned it --
“Churchill” -- yes, I believe you
did but what I heard was “church”
and “hill.” Couldn’t find them at
all! Now I realize I was in mistake
but stand corrected. Happens quite
a lot.
Sir James lets loose a long and very silly laugh. When it
ends Susan continues:
SUSAN
Reginald, would you be so kind as
to take Sir James to see Charles?
Sir James, you’ll find Charles well
versed in the advanced agricultural
methods in which you’ve taken such
an interest.
Sir James thinks. 30. SIR JAMES
Oh yes! Advanced agricultural
methods -- very much so. Collins,
who supervises Martindale for me,
speaks of them often... The
landowner of the present day...
must know all sorts of things --
that’s our role.
(laughs)
"Hullo, Collins” -- I say -- “what
advanced methods have we today?"
Excellent!
For a moment the others just regard Sir James with surprise.
INT. CHURCHILL, SUSAN’S ROOMS -- LATE PM
Susan enters and tries to find her way in a darkene d space,
revealed to be a bedroom suite.
SUSAN
...Oh, there you are! Were you
asleep?
FREDERICA
No, Mama.
SUSAN
What then? You were hiding from
me?... Please explain.
FREDERICA
No.
SUSAN
You’re a strange girl. What were
you up to back there?
FREDERICA
What?
SUSAN
Rushing out before Sir James
entered the room.
FREDERICA
I couldn't bear to see him.
SUSAN
"Couldn't bear ?" What an ungenerous
manner of speech!
Frederica doesn’t move or respond. 31. SUSAN (CONT’D)
Frederica dear, Sir James Martin is
a kind-hearted young man whose only
offense seems to be
(with a sweet smile)
wanting to provide you a life of
comfort.
She waits for a response but there is none.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Have you nothing to say?
Frederica shakes her head.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Dear, our present comfortable state
is of the most precarious sort. We
don't live -- we visit. We are
entirely at the mercy of our
friends and relations -- as we
discovered so painfully at
Langford. Here you seem to have won
your aunt's affection:
(smiles again)
I think I served you well there,
for I believe she would do anything
to spite me. But such a dynamic
cannot continue forever.
FREDERICA
But, Mama--
SUSAN
“But, Mama?” I will not always be
here for you to contradict me. If
the life of comfort Sir James
offers you is not to your taste,
what will you do? How will you
live?
FREDERICA
I could... teach.
SUSAN
Teach! Had you been more in school
you would not consider such a
thing! Answer this: When our Lord
wrote His Commandments, which one
did he consider so important he put
it in the fourth position?
FREDERICA
The fourth position? 32. SUSAN
Yes, the Fourth Commandment.
FREDERICA
I know the Commandments -- but not
their order.
SUSAN
That’s what comes of an irregular
education! The Fourth
Commandment...
FREDERICA
"Thou shalt not...?"
SUSAN
It’s not a “Shalt not.” It’s a
“Shalt.”
FREDERICA
“Thou shalt?”
SUSAN
Had I not myself been present I
would wonder if you were actually
my daughter:
(pause, compassionate
look)
“Honor. Thy. Father. And. Mother.”
FREDERICA
I'm sorry! Has anything I’ve done
dishonored you or Father?
SUSAN
To “honor” means, among other
things, to listen with respect to a
parent’s sincere counsel.
FREDERICA
But I do listen with respect, Mama.
It’s just that--
SUSAN
If you will not pay attention to me
perhaps you will to a larger
imperative: the Law of the
Universe. An offer as splendid as
Sir James’ is unlikely to come
again. He has offered you the one
thing of value he has to give --
his income. 33.
(MORE) I fear, and reproach myself, for
having shielded you for far too
long: had I let you starve a little
bit more, you would resist much
less.
FREDERICA
But at school I was often hungry--
SUSAN
Evidently not hungry enough! In any
case the starvation of the
schoolhouse is nothing like that of
the destitute. Is that what you
want?
FREDERICA
No... I can see that Sir James is a
kind man and if it were not a
question of marriage I could like
him. But marriage is for one’s
whole life--
SUSAN
Not in my experience. Meanwhile I
must ask you not to speak to your
aunt or uncle about this matter --
or seek their interference in any
way. I insist -- promise...
Remember the Commandment.
FREDERICA
Yes, Mama.
EXT. GARDEN -- DAY
Susan and Catherine walk.
SUSAN
Sir James's arrival, and its
suddenness, requires some
explanation. You were not too
surprised, I hope?
CATHERINE
It was unexpected--
SUSAN
Yes; certainly. To me, as much as
anyone. I'm afraid Sir James’ best
qualities are not immediately
apparent... Certainly, he's no
Solomon-- 34.
SUSAN (CONT'D) CATHERINE
Solomon?
SUSAN
The wise king in the Bible... who
had the idea of dividing the infant
disputed by two mothers in half, or
in two, I can’t recall the exact
wording.
CATHERINE
Oh yes of course.
SUSAN
So Sir James is no Solomon --
but how many suitors of great
wisdom is a young woman likely to
find today?
CATHERINE
I don't know--
SUSAN
None. And I must confess that at
times I wonder if such a quality is
even desirable in a husband.
Catherine looks a bit surprised.
INT. CHURCHILL, DINING ROOM -- NIGHT
VERY TIGHT ON: very round, very green peas -- a kni fe of fine
silver knocks them about a plate of fine china.
SIR JAMES (O.S.)
How jolly.
Sir James toys with them as Reginald, Catherine, Ch arles and
Frederica watch. A pair of footmen stand against th e wall.
SIR JAMES (CONT’D)
Tiny green balls...
Sir James savors a forkful.
SIR JAMES (CONT’D)
Mmm, yes, good tasting -- quite
sweet. What are they called?
REGINALD
Peas. 35. SIR JAMES
Oh yes. I knew that. I recall now.
I must get Collins to cultivate
them at Martindale. Novelty
vegetable -- could make quite a
packet.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE GOLD ROOM -- NIGHT (FILMED)
Charles Vernon catches Catherine for a word -- Sir James can
be seen circling Frederica in the Gold Room; Regina ld stands
by the fireplace pretending to read his Cowper volu me.
CHARLES
I’m enjoying Sir James’s visit. His
conversation is lively, he brings a
new angle to things. What do you
think if I took him to see the
Fredericksville farm? He’s
mentioned his interest in
agricultural methods...
CATHERINE
Yes...
EXT. CHURCHILL, THE BEAUTIFUL TOWER - DAY
INT. CHURCHILL, STAIRWAY -- DAY
The maid brings the Vernon children, Charlotte and Frederick,
down the stairs as Charlotte enjoins her little bro ther to be
good.
LITTLE CHARLOTTE VERNON
Frederick, you must try to be good.
INT. CHURCHILL, FRONT HALL -- DAY (FILMED)
Overlapping with the children’s voices, Frederica r eads a
volume of Cowper’s poems by candlelight.
EXT. CHURCHILL, THE GARDEN -- DAY (FILMED)
Reginald - vexed - joins Lady Susan walking in the garden.
REGINALD (O.S.)
He’s utterly ridiculous. 36. SUSAN
Certainly he's no Solomon but--
REGINALD
“Solomon?”
SUSAN
The wise king from the bible; I
know he’s not that. But any man,
navigating the cascades of romantic
courtship, and occasionally falling
into those foaming waters, is not
apt to appear at his best--
REGINALD
What?
Susan walks away as if vexed, then turns around:
SUSAN
A simple word, Reginald:
“Comprehension.” I admire your cast
of mind but you might not be
entirely sensible of the degree to
which you intimidate others --
particularly a young man over whom
you've every advantage of position,
looks and character.
REGINALD
Sir James Martin is a fool because
of me?
SUSAN
Yes. Around you he seems very
silly.
REGINALD
He isn't silly around everyone?
SUSAN
No.
REGINALD
I believe he's given everyone the
same impression.
SUSAN
They have only seen him around you.
REGINALD
But… you deny Sir James's
intentions toward you? 37. SUSAN
Toward me?!
REGINALD
He's clearly besotted with you.
Susan laughs, as if pleased and flattered.
SUSAN
No, it's with Frederica he's
smitten.
REGINALD
That's not possible.
SUSAN
He proposed to her.
REGINALD
How could such a blockhead even be
allowed to court your daughter?
It’s incomprehensible.
SUSAN
This is the incomprehension of the
rich and easeful! You can afford to
take the high ground and add
another layer to your pride. If you
realized the full extent of
ridiculous manhood a young woman
without fortune must humor you
would be more generous to Sir
James!
EXT. HURST & WILFORD -- DAY
The hubbub of horses and attendants -- Alicia, in t ravelling
clothes, and Lady Susan walk between them.
SUSAN
It’s so good of you to steal away.
ALICIA
We can only meet through such
subterfuges -- Mr. Johnson is
relentless; I will not be sent back
to Connecticut!
SUSAN
I don’t see he’d believe that
association with me would lower
your reputation. 38. SUSAN (CONT’D)
But, a question: did Sir James
mention to you any plans to come to
Churchill?
ALICIA
Heavens no! What folly! How did Mr.
DeCourcy react?
SUSAN
I had some gratification there: At
first he observed Sir James with an
attention not untinged with
jealousy. But it was impossible to
really torture him as I finally had
to reveal that Frederica was Sir
James’s object. Then he was all
astonishment! Left to ourselves I
had no great difficulty convincing
him I was justified - I can't
remember the exact reasoning but it
was all comfortably arranged.
ALICIA
So what’s your verdict on young
DeCourcy?
SUSAN
He's not stupid and has a good deal
to say, but I can't help but look
with a certain contempt on the
fancies of a heart always doubting
the reasonableness of its emotions.
I vastly prefer the generous spirit
of a Manwaring who, deeply
convinced of one’s merit, is
satisfied that whatever one does is
right.
ALICIA
I know that no one really deserves
you but young DeCourcy might be
worth having.
Susan ponders her dear friend’s advice.
INT. GOLD ROOM - DAY
Sir James, seeking to charm Frederica, interrupts h er reading
as Charles Vernon and Reginald read nearby. 39. SIR JAMES
Excuse me, Frederica, when I came
down this morning I couldn’t help
noticing that you were reading a
“book.” Which “book” was that?
FREDERICA
This volume of Cowper’s verse.
Frederica shows the book which she had been trying to read.
SIR JAMES
Cowper, the poet? He also writes
verse? Most impressive.
Reginald jumps in.
REGINALD
Yes, he’s versatile that way.
SIR JAMES
So, Frederica, you read both poetry
and verse? In this I believe you
take after your mother, who knows
all sorts of things. Just yesterday
she cited to me a story from the
Bible about a wise king. This
reminded me of many such important
accounts one learns in childhood.
Perhaps most significant in forming
one’s principles is that of the old
prophet who came down from the
mountain with tablets bearing the
Twelve Commandments which the Lord
taught us must be obeyed without
fail.
REGINALD
The Twelve Commandments?
CHARLES
(apologetically)
Excuse me, I believe there were
only ten.
SIR JAMES
Oh really? Only have to obey ten?
So, which two to take off then? I
would say the one about the Sabbath
-- I prefer to hunt.
CHARLES
Well... 40. SIR JAMES
After that, it gets tricky. Most of
the “shalt nots“ -- don’t murder,
don’t covet thy neighbor’s house,
or wife --
(laughs)
-- one wouldn’t think of doing
anyway, as they would be wrong,
whether one is allowed to take them
off or not.
Sir James glances to Frederica to see if his disqui sition
might have impressed her.
Card: “Soon to be a relative, Sir James Martin aid s a
widow.”
INT. CHURCHILL, DOOR TO SUSAN’S ROOMS - NIGHT
Sir James Martin speaks to Lady Susan (O.S.) outsid e the door
to her rooms.
SIR JAMES
No, delighted... Honoured. My
pleasure.
LADY SUSAN (O.S.)
Would you like me to sign a note?
SIR JAMES
No documents. No “note” necessary.
All in the family...or soon to be
LADY SUSAN (O.S.)
And the carriage?
SIR JAMES
Oh, yes the carriage. Definitely.
Certainly. My pleasure. Honoured.
INT. COUNTRY DANCE -- NIGHT
A glimpse or partial view of an evening dance party , either
the local Assembly or a private gathering, seeing o nly the
protagonists with a few strangers: Sir James Martin ,
delighted, dancing with all the ladies; Charles Ver non
contentedly observing; all the others, dancing, to varying
degrees uncomfortable (Reginald, Susan, Catherine) or
actively distressed (Frederica) but ending on Sir J ames. 41. EXT. CHURCHILL GROUNDS AND STABLES -- DAY
Charles and Reginald, returning from an early hunt, dismount
and leave their horses to grooms; Reginald heads to ward the
house.
INT. CHURCHILL, SALON -- DAY
Frederica, sitting with a book, listens to the soun d of
Reginald’s approaching footsteps.
INT. CHURCHILL, GROUND FLOOR ROOMS -- DAY
Reginald approaches the salon and enters, finding F rederica
with her head buried in the book.
REGINALD
Oh, hullo. Good day.
FREDERICA
Good day.
REGINALD
Would you know where I might find
your mother?
FREDERICA
I believe she’s gone out.
REGINALD
Gone out?
Frederica doesn’t reply.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
Are you all right?
Frederica, her head plunged sharply down, first nod s -- then
freezes, as if about to cry.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
What is it?
Frederica can't reply.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
Tell me: what's wrong?
Frederica can't bring herself to speak.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
Please say. 42. FREDERICA
Sir, I...I do not know to whom I
can apply.
REGINALD
What is it? Please tell me.
FREDERICA
I am sorry, I shouldn't say
anything -- it's that -- you're the
only one Mother might listen to.
REGINALD
Why would you say that?
FREDERICA
She pays no one such regard as she
does you, except Lord Manwaring.
REGINALD
What do you mean, Manwaring?
FREDERICA
(panics)
No -- I’m sorry -- it’s just that,
of all people, I thought Mother
would listen most to you.
REGINALD
Let me understand this: it’s that
you find Sir James’s presence and
courtship of you unwelcome?
Frederica nods.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
If his presence here disturbs you,
it is to Charles or my sister to
whom you should apply.
Frederica, in some torment, does not immediately re ply.
FREDERICA
I - I promised Mother I would not.
REGINALD
I don’t understand. Why would you
promise that?
Frederica, realizing she has gone far, is flustered and
panics. 43. FREDERICA
(in a tiny voice)
She required it.
REGINALD
What did she require?
Frederica freezes.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
What?... These silences are
vexing...
FREDERICA
Mama forbade it.
REGINALD
I don't understand.
FREDERICA
I promised not to speak to my Aunt
and Uncle on this subject.
REGINALD
For what possible reason?
FREDERICA
It’s wrong of me to speak now. If
I were not at my wit's end I would
not have -- I can't marry Sir
James!
REGINALD
To what do you object?
FREDERICA
You must have noticed -- he's very
silly.
REGINALD
But besides that.
FREDERICA
Besides that?
REGINALD
Yes. I confess, the first
impression I had of him was also...
indifferent. But don’t those
knowledgable of such matters
consider Sir James a good “catch,”
or “match,” or whatever it is they
say? 44.
(MORE) A man of cheerful temperament,
happy to devote a large income to a
wife's comfort?
FREDERICA
I'd rather work for my bread!
REGINALD
But what could you do?
FREDERICA
I could teach! I could--
REGINALD
Teach?!
FREDERICA
Yes.
REGINALD
You must have been very little in
school. Tell me: how did this
happen? Your mother is a woman of
excellent understanding, her
concern for you great -- though
wise and clear-eyed. How could she
be so mistaken if you truly despise
Sir James?
FREDERICA
I don’t despise Sir James. I can
see his a kind man, with good
qualities. He is certainly
likeable, and I would be free to
truly like him if he were a cousin,
or a cousin’s cousin, or a friend,
or a friend’s friend, or an in-law,
or a step-something -- I just don’t
want to be married to him...
Reginald stands.
REGINALD
Come. Tell me the particulars. If
they are as you say I can’t for the
world imagine that your mother
would remain deaf to your wishes...
INT. CHURCHILL, BLUE ROOM -- DAY
Catherine sorts through Christmas objects when Regi nald
enters, red-faced and agitated. 45.
REGINALD (CONT'D) REGINALD
Catherine, I’d like to thank you
for this visit.
CATHERINE
You're leaving?
REGINALD
Yes, I must.
CATHERINE
Why?
REGINALD
As you’ve said it's important that,
at this season, one of us be with
our parents.
CATHERINE
You’ve just decided this now?
REGINALD
Yes. But before going I must ask
one thing: I’d be grateful if you
could see justice is done
Frederica. She’s a sweet girl who
deserves a better fate.
CATHERINE
I'm glad you now see her worth.
REGINALD
Yes, my eyes have opened to many
things....
INT. CHURCHILL, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR - DAY
Frederica walks toward the stairs.
INT. CHURCHILL, PARLOR - DAY
Frederica enters and sits near Catherine.
FREDERICA
Aunt, I did something very wrong--
CATHERINE
I’m sure not--
Catherine goes to her. 46. FREDERICA
No, I did. And now he and my mother
have quarrelled: he's to leave and
it's my fault! Mama will never
forgive me--
CATHERINE
Don’t worry. If any of what you
fear comes to pass, I’ll happily
intercede...
INT. CHURCHILL, UPSTAIRS CORRIDOR -- DAY
Frederica returning to her room.
INSERT: A hand grabs a packet of “Dr. Preston’s Loz enges”
INT. CHURCHILL, GOLD ROOM -- DAY
Lady Susan enters, in a seemingly placid mood.
SUSAN
Good afternoon, Catherine. That
cough of young Frederick's worries
me -- I have from London some of
Dr. Preston’s excellent lozenges.
Could you use some for the dear
boy?
She hands Catherine the package.
CATHERINE
Yes, thank you.
SUSAN
I’ve also a request: Could you tell
me if it’s true that we will be
losing Mr. DeCourcy today?
CATHERINE
Yes, it seems that we will.
SUSAN
How remarkable. When he and I
spoke, barely an hour ago, he
mentioned nothing of it.
Susan looks into Catherine’s face to divine an answ er. 47. SUSAN (CONT’D)
Perhaps he did not then know
himself.
(a laugh)
Young men are so impetuous in their
resolutions--
CATHERINE
I wouldn't say Reginald is
impetuous--
SUSAN
Oh yes, he is -- he's like other
young men that way: Hasty in making
resolutions, but just as quick to
unmake them! I'd be very surprised
if he were not to change his mind
and stay.
CATHERINE
He seemed quite decided.
SUSAN
(smiles)
We’ll see...
(leaving)
Some strangeness also seems to be
affecting Frederica -- I believe
the girl's actually fallen in love,
with your brother the object!
INT. CHURCHILL, CORRIDOR -- DAY
Wilson knocks at a door; Reginald, jacketless, open s it.
WILSON
Sir, Lady Susan asks if she might
have a word with you She asked if
you would be so kind as to visit
her in her dressing room.
INT. CHURCHILL STAIRWAY -- DAY
Reginald, dressed, ascends the stairs, a determined
expression on his face. He knocks on the door.
SUSAN (O.S.)
Come in. 48. INT. LADY SUSAN’S ROOMS, CHURCHILL -- DAY
Reginald enters -- half sheepish, half self-righteo us. For a
long moment Susan says nothing.
SUSAN
I beg your pardon for the liberty
of calling you here, Sir, but I’ve
just learned of your intention to
leave today. Is that true?
REGINALD
Yes, it is.
SUSAN
I entreat you not, on my account,
to shorten your visit by even an
hour.
REGINALD
Well--
SUSAN
I am perfectly aware that after
what has passed between us it would
ill-suit either of us to remain in
the same house: It’s I who should
go.
REGINALD
No. Why?
Lady Susan raises her hand.
SUSAN
My visit has already been
inconvenient for your family; for
me to stay risks dividing a clan
affectionately attached to one
another. Where I go is of little
consequence whereas your presence
is important to all.
INT. CHURCHILL, UPSTAIRS HALLWAY -- DAY
A somber Reginald leaves Lady Susan’s rooms.
SUSAN (O.S.)
It’s terrifying how close I came to
destruction... 49. INT. EDWARD ST. HOUSE -- DAY
Susan has just arrived; Alicia Johnson meets her in the hall.
SUSAN
It all started with Frederica, in
the grip of a madness of some kind,
entreating Reginald to intercede on
her behalf -- as if I were some
unkind mother not wanting the best
for my child.
They pass from the hall into the salon.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Next Reginald appears at my rooms
with an expression of the utmost
solemnity to inform me of the
impropriety of allowing Sir James
Martin to court Frederica! I tried
to joke him out of it but he
refused to be.
ALICIA
Heavens, is he really so pompous--
SUSAN
The pomposity I assume; it’s his
disloyalty which outraged me! If he
held me in true regard he would not
believe such insinuations in my
disfavour! A worthy lover should
assume one has unanswerable motives
for all one does!
ALICIA
Certainly--
Susan pauses, continuing in a softer register.
SUSAN
Scarcely an hour had gone by when I
learned Reginald was leaving
Churchill: Something had to be
done; condescension was necessary
though I abhor it. I sent for
Reginald; when he appeared he
seemed astonished at the summons,
and looked as if half-wishing, half-
fearing, to be softened by what I
might say-- The outcome justifies
some portion of vanity, my dear,
for it was no less favorable than
immediate. 50. ALICIA
You brilliant creature.
SUSAN
So now I have many tasks: I must
punish Frederica for her
application to Reginald, punish him
for receiving it so favorably, and
make myself serious amends for the
humiliations I've been obliged to
undergo.
ALICIA
Manwaring’s in town.
SUSAN
Manwaring! How is he, the divine
man?
ALICIA
Absolutely miserable about you and
jealous of DeCourcy -- to such a
degree I can't answer for his not
committing some great imprudence
such as following you to Churchill--
SUSAN
Heavens!
ALICIA
I think I persuaded him from it.
If you do follow my advice and
marry DeCourcy, it will be
indispensable for you to get
Manwaring out of the way. Only you
have the influence to send him
home.
SUSAN
(thoughtful)
And by remaining in Town I’ll be
able to reward a long penance at
Churchill with a little welcome
dissipation.
A footman enters.
FOOTMAN
Madam, Lord Manwaring has arrived
and begs to be admitted.
Alicia and Susan exchange a look; Susan nods. 51. ALICIA
Please ask him to wait.
Susan checks her perfection in a mirror, as the ser vant
leaves.
EXT. CHURCHILL, FORLORN PATH -- DAY
The sky dark and threatening Frederica, bundled aga inst the
cold, walks a forlorn path, the estate church visib le or not
before her.
INT. CHURCHILL CHAPEL -- DAY
Frederica sits in a side pew by a stained glass win dow, head
bent in meditation or prayer.
CURATE (O.S.)
Miss Vernon? It’s so good to see
you here!
The affable young CURATE stands before her.
CURATE (CONT’D)
Might I help you?
FREDERICA
Yes... A friend was asking how, in
accord with Christian teaching, the
Fourth Commandment should be
honored...
CURATE
The Fourth Commandment? Yes --
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep
it holy.”
FREDERICA
No, I meant the Commandment, “Honor
thy Father and Mother...”
CURATE
Oh, the Fifth Commandment -- my
favorite! It’s the Church of Rome
that has it as the Fourth-- yes,
the Fifth Commandment: 52.
(MORE) “Honour thy father and thy mother:
that thy days may be long upon the
land which the Lord thy God giveth
thee.” Beautiful, profound -- I
believe one should apply this
sentiment of Gratitude and Loyalty
to every aspect of our lives. We
are not born into a savage
wilderness but in a beautiful
mansion of the Lord that the Lord
and those who have gone before us
have constructed. We must avoid
neglecting this mansion but rather
glorify and preserve it -- as we
should all of the Lord’s Creation.
The superb Baumgarten has outlined
this aesthetic trinity as “Beauty,”
“Truth,” and “Good.” “Truth” is the
perfect perceived by reason;
“Beauty,” by the senses; and the
“Good” by moral will.
Frederica looks greatly inspired by the Curate’s wo rds.
EXT. CHURCHILL, FORLORN PATH -- DAY
Frederica, returning to Churchill, encounters Regin ald
returned from a ride. He looks surprised.
REGINALD
From where do you come?
FREDERICA
Church.
REGINALD
Why were you in church?
FREDERICA
Well... it is our religion.
REGINALD
Yes, but this time of day --
neither morning prayer nor vespers?
Frederica, dodging an explanation.
FREDERICA
The sky had clouded over -- I was
sure there would be a downpour.
REGINALD
There was... 53.
CURATE (CONT'D) Reginald shakes some water from his clothes. Freder ica now
sees that he’s soaking wet, water dripping from his clothes.
FREDERICA
Oh you are quite drenched! You must
get into some dry clothes!
She moves forward protectively, her hands touching him and
then withdraws them embarrassedly as if having touc hed a hot
surface.
FREDERICA (CONT’D)
Oh excuse me!
INT. MAIN HALL, PARKLANDS -- NIGHT
Lady DeCourcy greets Catherine still in her travell ing cloak.
LADY DECOURCY
Dearest, welcome!
CATHERINE
Oh, mother!
Embracing her and almost crying.
LADY DECOURCY
What joy your letter gave us!
CATHERINE
I wrote too hastily--
LADY DECOURCY
What?
CATHERINE
I couldn’t imagine that every
expectation I had would be dashed
so quickly.
LADY DECOURCY
You frighten me.
CATHERINE
Poor girl -- her one chance to
break free... Who knows what
punishment her mother will now
impose.
LADY DECOURCY
But Reginald can't be blind to such
a lovely girl. 54. CATHERINE
He’s become blind: Reginald is more
securely Lady Susan’s than ever.
LADY DECOURCY
Please don't tell your father - I
worry for his constitution.
Sir Reginald appears from the hallway:
SIR REGINALD
Tell me what?
EXT. EDWARD ST. HOUSE -- DAY
Susan’s carriage arrives at Edward Street and she s teps out.
Alicia intercepts her from the front door.
ALICIA
Susan! Stop!
Alicia runs down the stairs.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
Dreadful news - Mr. Johnson's been
cured!
SUSAN
How is that possible?
ALICIA
No sooner had he heard you were in
London than he had a cure.
SUSAN
Then could you do me the greatest
favor? Could you go to Seymour
Street and receive Reginald there.
I dare not risk his and Manwaring’s
meeting -- keep him with you all
evening if you can. Make up
anything...
EXT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET -- DAY
Reginald arrives in a carriage and steps out, dodgi ng a hole
in the pavement where workmen replace cobblestones. He
approaches the stairs to Lady Susan’s building. 55. INT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET, SALON -- DAY
Reginald and Susan enter together.
SUSAN
I’m sorry I wasn’t here to greet
you but didn’t I provide a charming
substitute?
Reginald remains silent - evidently pouting.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
It’s strange: You remain silent but
Mrs. Johnson couldn’t stop singing
your praises.
REGINALD
Excuse me?
SUSAN
I fear Alicia has rather fallen in
love with you - it’s given me quite
a scare.
REGINALD
You’re joking.
SUSAN
But you did like her?
REGINALD
Of course--
SUSAN
I so admire Alicia: she has none of
the uncouthness one expects from
Americans but all of the candor.
Her husband, Mr. Johnson, is older
and rather disagreeable but a word
of complaint never drops from
Alicia’s lips. Exemplary. Only by
one’s friends can one truly be
known; that Alicia is mine will, I
hope, help you think better of me.
REGINALD
I already thought well of you.
Susan thinks.
SUSAN
You were not “plagued by doubt?” 56. REGINALD
Some things disconcerted me: That
you were not here, that--
SUSAN
Please, Reginald, don't be severe --
I can't support reproaches...
REGINALD
But--
SUSAN
No, I entreat you, I can't support
them. My absence was to arrange a
matter so that we could be
together. I'm forbidden to say
more; please don’t reproach me.
REGINALD
Have you considered what I asked?
SUSAN
I have and I believe our affairs
require a delicacy and caution
which, in our candid enthusiasm, we
have perhaps insufficiently heeded--
REGINALD
What do you mean?
SUSAN
I fear our feelings have hurried us
to a degree which ill accords with
the views of the world.
REGINALD
I'm sure, in time--
SUSAN
Perhaps, with time, but given the
poignancy of our feelings--
REGINALD
You no longer wish to marry?
SUSAN
No, no, no. All I'm saying - or
hesitantly suggesting - is that we
postpone an open understanding
until the opinion of the world is
more in accord with our own
inclinations. 57. REGINALD
When might that be?
Susan considers the question.
SUSAN
I would say we should let the
opinions of our friends be our
guide.
REGINALD
That could mean never!
SUSAN
No, no. Perhaps… months. I confess
that such delay is against all my
inclinations--
REGINALD
Then let’s--
SUSAN
No, I can’t be responsible for
dividing your family.
REGINALD
I thought we’d decided.
SUSAN
I know such delays seem
insupportable, especially when we
are both in London. With
separations, only those that are
also geographical can reasonably be
tolerated.
REGINALD
What?
SUSAN
I'm sorry, Reginald: staying in
London would be the death of our
reputations. We must not meet. And
not to meet, we must not be near.
Cruel as this may seem, the
necessity of it will be evident to
you.
REGINALD
Where will you go? 58. SUSAN
Of course it’s necessary that I
remain in London -- there are
arrangements I must make for us to
be together. But on the contrary I
know your family craves your
company -- especially that elderly
gentleman to whom you owe so much.
I'd hate to be the cause of an
éloignement between you and your
father, who - forgive me - might
not have long left.
REGINALD
There's no reason for worry that I
know of -- Father’s rather in his
prime.
SUSAN
Oh thank Heavens! So he’s not in
decline?
REGINALD
He has the usual aches and pains
but is overall, I believe, in good
health. In any case he'd not want
any concern on that account - which
he'd consider so much rubbish.
SUSAN
Ah, mortality! Our mortality and
that of others -- but most
particularly our own -- is the
hardest and most implacable hand
life deals us. I long to meet the
dear gentleman. Of course it's
natural that he would want to
ignore or minimize the cold, sad
end that awaits us.
REGINALD
Not at all. Father's a Christian,
for whom the prospect of the end is
neither sad nor cold.
SUSAN
Ah, yes! Well thank Heaven for our
religion -- so important in this
life, and most especially in the
next.
Reginald paces the room. 59. REGINALD
Must we really wait? I entreat you
to reconsider.
INT. EDWARD ST. HOUSE -- DAY
A servant opens the door to Lady Manwaring, crying and
“fretted thinner and uglier than ever,” accompanied by two
servants including OWEN.
ALICIA
Lady Manwaring!
LADY MANWARING
(in tears)
Excuse me… I'm in… such a state, I
don’t know what to say... Is Mr.
Johnson at home?
(close to sobbing)
I must speak with my guardian.
ALICIA
Yes, yes, of course. You poor dear!
I'll let him know you're here.
Alicia leads her into the salon and puts her head i nto the
library.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
Lucy Manwaring is here to see you.
LADY MANWARING
(howling)
Mr. Johnson!
Lady Manwaring lunges into the library and disappea rs within.
ALICIA
Yes, please go in.
LADY MANWARING (O.S.)
You must help! You must help me!
Manwaring’s left!
Alicia closes the door but leans close to hear.
MR. JOHNSON (O.S. OR PARTIAL)
Dear Lucy, please, calm yourself.
Here, take a seat.
LADY MANWARING (O.S.)
He's gone -- with no intention of
returning! 60. MR. JOHNSON (O.S.)
What exactly’s happened… Please
tell me everything, as best you
can.
A footman enters the salon to announce a visitor.
JOHNSON FOOTMAN
Madam, Mr. DeCourcy.
Reginald enters.
REGINALD
Oh, good day.
ALICIA
Mr. DeCourcy!
She is taken aback but approaches him.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
What a surprise to see you! So kind
of you to call.
REGINALD
I must thank you for last evening -
for setting matters right. Lady
Susan has explained everything.
I'm ashamed to have spoken as I did
-- it was foolish of me--
ALICIA
No, no not at all -- most
sympathetic...
Alicia maneuvers to keep Reginald away from the lib rary, from
which voices can still be heard.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
But you didn't have to come to
thank me -- courtesy did not
dictate it...
REGINALD
In fact it’s not my sole motive --
Lady Susan has entrusted me with a
letter for you.
Reginald hands her the letter.
ALICIA
(reading)
“Strictly private” - how
intriguing. 61. Lady Manwaring's scarcely human high-pitched plaint is too
audible to ignore.
REGINALD
Has an animal been injured?!
ALICIA
Amateur theatricals... “Medea” --
They perform next week but prefer
not to be watched rehearsing.
Alicia hurries Reginald toward the door.
ALICIA (CONT’D)
Thank you again for the charming
evening.
Lady Manwaring bursts out of the library followed b y Mr.
Johnson -- Reginald, too close to the door to see t hem
unobstructed, catches only glimpses of the drama.
LADY MANWARING
She’s with him now! This can't
continue! It mustn't--
MR. JOHNSON
Lucy, please don't! Stay here,
rest, recover your equanimity--
LADY MANWARING
Equanimity!? They're together now!
(to Mr. Johnson)
I implore you -- come with me,
talk with Manwaring, reason with
him. As my Guardian, won't you
help?--
MR. JOHNSON
Even if I found them, what good
could be done?
Alicia has returned partway to the room.
ALICIA
Yes, heed Mr. Johnson, in such
matters his counsel is excellent--
LADY MANWARING
What have you? A letter in her
hand!
Lady Manwaring snatches the envelope from Alicia. 62. ALICIA
Return that letter, Madam. It is
not for you.
Lady Manwaring tears it open.
MR. JOHNSON
Lucy, no!
Reginald snatches the letter, holding it away from her.
REGINALD
Excuse me, Madam, I believe you
were on the verge of making a grave
error. You are Lady Manwaring?
Lady Manwaring of Langford? You've
recognized your friend Lady Susan
Vernon’s hand and assume the
letter’s for you--
LADY MANWARING
You think that Lady is my friend?
She’s with my husband now; as we
speak, he visits her!
REGINALD
That's impossible, Madam. I’ve just
left her; she’s entirely alone,
even her servant sent off.
LADY MANWARING
Owen!
The Johnson footman leads Lord Manwaring’s servant, OWEN,
into the salon.
LADY MANWARING (CONT’D)
Owen -- come here, stand here.
Tell this gentleman what you’ve
seen.
OWEN
Your ladyship…
LADY MANWARING
Repeat to him what you told me.
Owen turns to Reginald.
OWEN
Well, Sir, Lady Susan sent her
servant away, then you left. 63.
(MORE) A few minutes later Lord Manwaring
arrived and was received by her
ladyship.
REGINALD
Alone?
OWEN
Yes, sir, I believe so. No one else
came or went.
Lady Manwaring snatches the letter and starts devou ring it.
REGINALD
No - stop! The letter’s for Mrs.
Johnson only!
LADY MANWARING
Here:
(reading)
"I send Reginald with this letter --
keep him there all evening if you
can; Manwaring comes this very
hour.”
REGINALD
That’s not possible.
LADY MANWARING
I must stop this!
(to Mr. Johnson)
Please, Sir, come with me.
MR. JOHNSON
What could possibly be gained? It
could even be dangerous; this is a
matter for your solicitors.
(turning to Alicia)
Mrs. Johnson, this goes beyond what
I could imagine -- you promised to
give up all contact with this
woman.
ALICIA
I've no idea what she writes! She’s
gone mad!
MR. JOHNSON
I’m sorry to say, my dear, that I
hear the Atlantic passage is very
cold this time of year.
Alicia is stunned, Lucy Manwaring in hysterics. 64.
OWEN (CONT'D) EXT/INT. CARRIAGE, LONDON STRETS -- DAY
Tight on Alicia’s pensive face as she rides in a ca rriage.
INT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET -- DAY
Alicia Johnson arrives, taking off her cloak.
ALICIA
Agonies, my dear!
SUSAN
What happened?
ALICIA
The worst. Disaster--
SUSAN
Disaster?
ALICIA
Mr. DeCourcy arrived just when he
should not have -- Lucy Manwaring
had just forced herself into Mr.
Johnson’s study to sob her woes.
SUSAN
Has she no pride, no self-respect?
ALICIA
What an impression she makes --
bursting from Mr. Johnson’s library
wailing like a struck child. Seeing
the letter in your handwriting, she
tore it from Reginald to read aloud-
SUSAN
No!
ALICIA
Yes. "Manwaring comes this very
hour!"
SUSAN
And Reginald heard that?
ALICIA
He read it himself.
SUSAN
How ungentlemanly! Shocking! I
can’t believe it. 65. ALICIA
Yes, very shocking.
SUSAN
A gentleman, entrusted with
correspondence marked "private,"
reads it regardless -- and then,
because of some confidential
remarks, the obloquy is mine! But
who has acted badly in this affair?
Only you and I stand innocent of
reading other people’s
correspondence!
ALICIA
Unluckily Lady Manwaring also
wormed out of her husband's servant
that Manwaring visited you in
private.
SUSAN
Oh.
(she contemplates this)
Facts are horrid things!
Susan paces the room, then recovers.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Don't worry : I'll make my story
good with Reginald. He'll be a
little enraged at first but I vow
that, by dinner tomorrow, all will
be well.
Alicia looks more doubtful.
ALICIA
I’m not sure... He was with Mr.
Johnson when I left. Forgive me for
saying it but... I dread to imagine
what’s being said in your
disfavour...
Susan stops pacing and regards Alicia with compassi on:
SUSAN
What a mistake you made marrying
Mr. Johnson: Too old to be
governable, too young to die! 66. EXT. MONTAGE: LONDON IMAGES SUGGESTING A DAY’S PASS ING -
DAY/NIGHT
St. Paul’s on the horizon at sunset or dawn, perhap s period
London stock shots, to be researched.
EXT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET -- DAY
Reginald climbs the steps and knocks on the door.
INT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET -- DAY
The maid shows Reginald up the stairs -- he is very somber.
He enters the salon and addresses Lady Susan.
REGINALD
Good afternoon, Madam.
INT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET, OUTSIDE SALON -- DAY
The maid has her ear to the door eavesdropping on t he
conversation within. We hear through the door:
SUSAN
Of course it might seem outlandish
or shocking to others--
INT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET, SALON -- DAY
Lady Susan, in a dressing gown, sits as Reginald st ands.
SUSAN
-- but we are not expecting others
to read our correspondence and
don’t put things for their benefit.
Manwaring only visited me as his
wife's friend--
REGINALD
"Friend?" She herself denies this.
SUSAN
Of course -- I was her friend when
she was sane, her great enemy
since. Manwaring left Langford to
escape her deranged suspicions. In
granting him an interview my sole
motive was to persuade him to
return to her and see what might be
done to ease the poor woman's mind-- 67. REGINALD
But why “alone?” Why did you
arrange to see him alone?
SUSAN
You cannot divine the motive there?
Servants have ears, with the
unfortunate tendency to repeat
whatever they imagine they have
hear. I dreaded injuring the poor
lady’s reputation still further.
REGINALD
You imagine I could accept such an
explanation?
SUSAN
I can only tell you what I know to
be true.
REGINALD
Did you succeed?
SUSAN
What?
REGINALD
Did you convince Manwaring to
return to his wife?
SUSAN
Yes. I did. But it seems that her
judgment is too deteriorated to
allow it. Her suspicious and
jealous condition is not one that
will accept reassurance.
REGINALD
You forget, I saw the letter with
my own eyes--
SUSAN
No, I do not forget. I greatly
resent it -- a fault you compounded
by misinterpreting what you should
never have seen. Do you think I
would have confided a letter to a
third party if I thought its
contents in any way dangerous?
Haven't I already explained
everything which the ill-nature of
the world might interpret to my
discredit? What could so stagger
your esteem for me now? 68.
(MORE) After all we've discussed and meant
to one another, that you could
doubt my intentions, my actions, my
word…
Reginald is silent.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
I'm sorry, Reginald. I’ve reflected
upon this deeply: I cannot marry a
man with an untrusting disposition.
I cannot have it.
REGINALD
(softly, stunned)
What?
SUSAN
We cannot marry. Whatever
commitment there was between us is
severed; any connection impossible.
REGINALD
What are you saying?
SUSAN
Mistrust does not bode well for any
union. I have a great regard for
you - yes, a passionate one. But I
must master it.
Distraught, Reginald bows and leaves.
INT. PARKLANDS, GARDEN PARLOR -- DAY
Lady DeCourcy looks out for her daughter in a happy mood.
LADY DECOURCY
Catherine! Catherine!
Catherine Vernon enters from the garden.
CATHERINE
What is it, Mother?
LADY DECOURCY
Reginald's returned.
CATHERINE
He's here?
LADY DECOURCY
He's just gone to find your father. 69.
SUSAN (CONT'D) CATHERINE
It's not--
LADY DECOURCY
No, the most happy news - our fears
were in vain.
CATHERINE
What?
LADY DECOURCY
The engagement's off!
CATHERINE
How?
LADY DECOURCY
Lady Susan broke it off herself.
CATHERINE
She did?
Catherine looks apprehensive.
LADY DECOURCY
Reginald's most cast down. But I’m
sure he'll soon recover and -- dare
we hope -- cast his look elsewhere?
Catherine thinks further.
CATHERINE
That woman’s a fiend!
LADY DECOURCY
What do you mean?
CATHERINE
Lady Susan. She has an uncanny
understanding of men's natures.
A look of worry and confusion crosses Lady DeCourcy ’s face.
LADY DECOURCY
Uncanny?
CATHERINE
Reginald will start again to doubt
everything he's heard to her
detriment; a guilty regret will
overwhelm him. Slowly, surely he'll
convince himself he’s wronged her. 70. LADY DECOURCY
You frighten me!
CATHERINE
Yes, if Frederick Vernon, renowned
for good sense, let Lady Susan ruin
him -- what chance has Reginald?
LADY DECOURCY
You speak as if your brother were
not wise; everyone comments on his
lively intelligence.
CATHERINE
You're the best of mothers but
Reginald has just the sort of
sincere nature most vulnerable to a
woman of her genius--
LADY DECOURCY
You think she’s a genius?
CATHERINE
Diabolically so, like the serpent
in Eden’s Garden.
LADY DECOURCY
Does this woman always get her way?
CATHERINE
From what I understand only clever
tradesmen are astute enough to see
through her stratagems; several
banded together to send their
agents to intercept her on Seymour
Street, obliging her to pawn the
last of her jewels.
Paces can be heard down the hall: Reginald and his father
enter, Reginald cast down while the old man seems i n high
spirits.
SIR REGINALD
Slay the fatted calf, my dear --
the prodigal's returned!
He looks to Reginald, a wet blanket.
SIR REGINALD (CONT’D)
What's wrong, my boy? The joy of
seeing your aged parents eludes
you?
Lady DeCourcy steps off screen. 71. CATHERINE
Don't tease him, Father.
SIR REGINALD
It’s a father’s right.
CATHERINE
You'll have him fleeing back to
London.
REGINALD
No risk of that I assure you.
London holds no charm for me.
SIR REGINALD
Oh you’ve realized that: Good.
Never appealed to me at all.
Dirty, noisy -- noxious gases,
soot... I don't see the point of
towns. Far better to live on one’s
own land. Everyone should.
CATHERINE
I'm afraid this relates to my
sister-in-law.
REGINALD
Yes, sister -- congratulations on
your entire vindication.
CATHERINE
On the contrary, I don't see you
out of danger at all.
REGINALD
I assuredly am.
SIR REGINALD
What’s all this about? What's
happened? I don’t understand.
Lady DeCourcy re-enters with a sheaf of music and b lushing
Frederica.
LADY DECOURCY
Reginald dear, Frederica's prepared
a charming piece -- help me
persuade her to sing it for us.
FREDERICA
Oh, no -- you're too kind, Lady
DeCourcy. I’m not ready-- 72. REGINALD
Excuse me, Miss Vernon, Mother: As
much as I'd like to, I'm afraid I’m
too tired to be a suitable audience-
Outside, the sound of a carriage approaching.
REGINALD (CONT’D)
So, if you'll excuse me--
SIR REGINALD
No, you must stay. Frederica’s a
songbird -- never heard anything
like it.
(to Frederica)
Don't deny us this pleasure, my
dear. Reginald, we need you to
insist.
REGINALD
Well, as I said, I--
FREDERICA
No, I'm sorry. Excuse me.
LADY DECOURCY
You must play it, my dear. Please--
SIR REGINALD
"The Kentish Nightingale," I call
her. Voice's remarkable - even to
my hearing.
REGINALD
She must have it from her mother’s
side: Lady Susan’s voice is a
clear, natural soprano. Lovely,
beautiful...
Catherine looks out the window.
SIR REGINALD
Oh, it is, is it?
CATHERINE
Do you expect visitors, Mother?
LADY DECOURCY
No... Who would visit us?
Charles Vernon enters, smiling. 73. CHARLES
Look who's come from London --
what an agreeable surprise!
Lady Susan enters.
SUSAN
Excuse me for arriving this way--
Except for Charles the others remain absolutely sti ll.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
What a delightful family pose!
CHARLES
Yes, it is the season for families
to unite -- so especially welcome
to have you here.
SUSAN
Thank you, Charles!
(to Sir & Lady DeC)
I do hope that, recognizing a
mother's anxiety to see her child,
you might excuse my abruptness.
CHARLES
Nothing to excuse. Sir Reginald,
Lady DeCourcy -- might I introduce
my sister-in-law, Lady Susan
Vernon.
SUSAN
Enchanté. Please forgive this
intrusion but now that I'm fixed in
town I can't rest with Frederica
away.
CATHERINE
Isn’t such anxiety new?
SUSAN
(ever cheerful)
Yes, it is -- I entirely agree. But
now I’m in London where the
instruction Frederica needs can so
readily be found. Her voice has
some promise--
SIR REGINALD
“Some?” She’s a veritable songbird -
- "The Kentish Nightingale," I call
her. 74. SUSAN
Do you? Is this really Kent?
She takes a glance in the direction of the window a nd the
moonlit night.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
How delightful. (Flashes a smile.)
You are right, Sir -- Frederica has
the native talent a bird might. But
those few notes can get repetitive.
FREDERICA
But, Mama, couldn’t I stay?
SUSAN
(repeats)
“But, Mama, couldn’t I stay?”
Charming.
(to Catherine)
Thank you, dear sister, for making
Frederica feel so welcome and at
home
(to Lady DeCourcy)
wherever she goes.
(to Frederica)
I’ve secured you a lesson with
Signore Veltroni. Where the Grand
Affair of Education is concerned,
there’s no excuse for half-
measures!
(to Sir Reginald, loudly)
Isn’t it key to cultivate her
voice, Sir? A “nightingale,” didn’t
you say?
Sir Reginald is a little loud always.
SIR REGINALD
Yes, that’s right. The “Kentish
Nightingale” I call her.
SUSAN
A delightful appellation and
perhaps, with a teacher such as
Signore Veltroni, it could even
become true. Frederica, have you
your things?
LADY DECOURCY.
Leave for London now? We’d so
looked forward to having Frederica
with us. 75. SUSAN
How remarkable: Only a few weeks
ago it was hard to find anywhere
for Frederica, now the World fights
for her company! Astonishing.
CATHERINE
Astonishing that she was neglected
then, or is fought over now?
SUSAN
An excellent observation, dear
sister -- but I will stop now,
because I know my daughter hates to
be praised.
(to Reginald)
How are you, Sir? I hope well.
(to Frederica)
We should go.
FREDERICA
Excuse me, Mama, I must collect my
things.
SUSAN
Yes, you must -- we can’t buy a new
wardrobe for each displacement.
Frederica and Susan leave.
LADY DECOURCY
The poor girl - did you see her
face?
CATHERINE
I must talk to her and remind her
that she'll always have a home with
us.
LADY DECOURCY
(Looking to Sir Reginald)
Or us.
CHARLES
If you are referring to the past I
doubt her mother will again risk
misinterpretation. Henceforth we
can rest assured that Lady Susan
will make clear to Frederica the
consideration and affection which
guide her actions. 76. EXT. LONDON PERSPECTIVE - DAY
Lady Susan’s carriage approaches.
EXT. GARDEN, EDWARD STREET -- DAY
Alicia and Lady Susan walking along the sculpted pa ths of the
Johnsons’ garden.
SUSAN
I’ve not gone to the trouble of
retrieving Frederica from Parklands
to again be thwarted! Maria
Manwaring may sob, Frederica
whimper, and the Vernons storm -
but Sir James will be Frederica's
husband before the winter’s out!
ALICIA
You brilliant creature!
SUSAN
Thank you, my dear. I’m done
submitting my will to the caprices
of others; of resigning my own
judgment in deference to those to
whom I owe no duty and feel little
respect. Too easily have I let my
resolve weaken: Frederica shall
know the difference!
ALICIA
You’re too indulgent with the girl -
- why let Frederica have him, when
you could grab him yourself?
SUSAN
Sir James?
ALICIA
Yes. I know your unselfish nature --
but can you afford to bestow Sir
James on Frederica while having no
Sir James of your own?
A look of disagreeable surprise crosses Susan’s fac e.
Meanwhile a footman approaches.
JOHNSON FOOTMAN
(addressing Alicia)
Madam, Mr. Johnson sends word he
returns to dine. 77. ALICIA
Thank you.
SUSAN
(whispers)
Are you insulting me?
ALICIA
Just the opposite: I don't doubt
your ability to get DeCourcy
whenever you want him, but is he
really worth having? Isn't his
father just the sort of enraging
old man who will live forever? How
would you survive? On the allowance
that Frederica, as Lady Martin,
might grant you? As guests at
Churchill? I'd rather be married to
my own husband than dependent on
INT. PARKLANDS -- DAY
Catherine folds a letter she has just finished read ing to
Lady DeCourcy; the season has changed.
CATHERINE
...We must protect her -- not just
for her own but for her dear, late
father’s.
LADY DECOURCY
But what can we do?
CATHERINE
We must find the argument that will
persuade her mother it’s in her own
interest, which is of course her
only guide. That will mean going to
London; fortunately Charles must
have some business or other there
to justify such a trip.
LADY DECOURCY
What a marvellous husband you have;
Charles seems to live to oblige.
CATHERINE
It’s true, I've been lucky --
Charles always seems to have some
pretext or other for doing just
what's wanted.
Charles arrives from down the hall. 78. CATHERINE (CONT’D)
Dearest, I believe you have
pressing business in London.
CHARLES
Oh, um, yes.
INT/EXT -- UPPER SEYMOUR STREET, LONDON -- DAY
Lady Susan leads Charles and Catherine Vernon up th e top of
the stairs toward the salon.
SUSAN
(calling up the stairs)
Frederica!
(to the Vernons)
You’re so kind to visit: Frederica
will be delighted. How are the
children -- especially my dear
Frederick?
CATHERINE
Very well, thank you--
SUSAN
(calling up the stairs)
Frederica, come see who’s here!
(to the Vernons)
I can't express my gratitude for
the hospitality you’ve extended us.
CHARLES
Not at all -- our great pleasure.
Frederica comes down the stairs, again in her forme r fearful
mode.
CATHERINE
Hello, Frederica.
CHARLES
Good afternoon, my dear. I hope you
are well.
FREDERICA
Thank you -- it’s so good to see
you.
SUSAN
Frederica, why don’t you go
upstairs and play a piece? 79.
(MORE) Select something charming to show
your aunt and uncle what you’ve
studied.
FREDERICA
With pleasure.
Frederica leaves.
SUSAN
(to Charles)
Do mind your head.
He ducks going through the door.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
You’ll see the strides she's been
making - Frederica plays all the
new music: Haydn, Himmel,
Bernardini...Cherubini.
They all sit.
CHARLES
So you're happy with the progress
she’s making?
SUSAN
(a thoughtful pause, quite
long)
Yes... Only in a city such as
London, I believe, could she have
had such instruction.
Charles turns to Catherine.
CHARLES
Well, if Frederica is making such
good progress in London -- that
complicates matters...
SUSAN
What complication would that be?
CHARLES
We'd hoped Frederica might return
to Churchill
CATHERINE
She’s greatly missed, by the little
ones especially-- 80.
SUSAN (CONT'D) SUSAN
What a moving sentiment of cousinly
regard. My concern, my obligation,
is to see the defects in
Frederica’s education repaired.
CHARLES
Could we invite one of her teachers
to Churchill to continue her
lessons there?
SUSAN
What a kind thought. But these are
London's most sought-after masters;
no invitation to a country retreat,
even such a delightful one as
Churchill, is likely to be in their
power to accept.
CHARLES
Perhaps a private tutor then--
SUSAN
Might I confess something?
Frederica and I have become such
great friends it would be hard for
me to part with her. You might have
noticed that, for a time, there was
a strange tension between us. That
has now happily disappeared -- you
can imagine how pleased I am.
Catherine seems to sag.
SUSAN (CONT’D)
Excuse me, are you quite well?
CATHERINE
Sorry -- we'd so set our hearts on
Frederica’s return.
SUSAN
I understand completely. She's
become an agreeable companion --
even her tendency to extreme quiet
I’ve grown to find rather soothing.
(a brief glance off)
But there is one factor that
concern me: does she look quite
well?
CHARLES
Oh yes. 81. SUSAN
That was your impression? London’s
vaporous air is not, I worry, quite
healthy for her. Does she not seem
pale?
CATHERINE
She does. The London air, these
smoky gases, cannot be salutary for
her. Fresh, country air is what the
young require.
SUSAN
Yes, how curious they are.
For a moment an awkward silence descends, broken by Charles:
CHARLES
Does not the town’s dank air favor
the spread of influenza?
SUSAN
The influenza? In London?
CHARLES
Several cases have been reported --
it, after all, is the season for
it.
SUSAN
Of all the disorders in the world,
the risk of an influenza contagion
is what I most dread for
Frederica's constitution.
CATHERINE
Shouldn’t we consider then removing
her from this danger?
SUSAN
What you say gives me pause... But
it'd be such a hardship to lose my
daughter's companionship just as
I’ve come to rely on it -- and of
course her studies...
EXT. UPPER SEYMOUR STREET -- DAY
From her house Susan climbs into Mrs. Johnson’s car riage, her
spirit exultant. 82. SUSAN
Congratulate me, my dear --
Frederica’s aunt and uncle have
taken her back to Churchill.
ALICIA
I thought you’d grown to enjoy
Frederica’s company so.
SUSAN
Comparatively. A bit. But I’m not
so self-indulgent as to want to
wallow in the companionship of a
child.
The carriage approaches the park.
ALICIA
Alas, I fear this is our last
meeting, at least while Mr. Johnson
is in life. His business at
Hartford has become extensive. If I
continue to see you he vows to
settle in Con-nect-i-cut forever.
SUSAN
(shocked)
You could be scalped!!
SUSAN (CONT’D)
(moved, voice tremulous)
I always suspected that the great
word "Respectable" would one day
divide us. Your husband I abhor but
we must yield to necessity. Our
affection cannot be impaired by it
and, in happier times, when your
situation is as independent as
mine, we will unite again -- for
this I shall impatiently wait.
She gives Alicia’s hands a last squeeze.
ALICIA
I also.
SUSAN
May Mr. Johnson's next gouty attack
end more favorably!
The carriage pulls to a stop near the palatial arch way.
Susan steps down from it and looks through the arch way to
where handsome, romantic Manwaring waits. 83. EXT. CHURCHILL - DAY
A month or more later, the season milder. A long v iew of two
figures walking and talking animatedly in the garde n --
Frederica and Reginald.
INT. CHURCHILL, MAIN HALL - DAY
A footman hands Charles Vernon correspondence which he looks
through -- one letter attracts his particular atten tion.
Catherine joins him.
CHARLES
Do you know where Frederica is?
Lady Susan’s written her.
INT. CHURCHILL, GOLD ROOM -- DAY
Catherine looks for Frederica, just returned form h er walk.
CATHERINE
Frederica.... Frederica!
FREDERICA
Coming!
CATHERINE
Frederica -- a letter from your
mother!
Frederica arrives in walking clothes - followed by Reginald.
FREDERICA
Thank you, Aunt Catherine. What
does she say?
CATHERINE
She's written to you herself.
Frederica takes the closed envelope and opens it. Charles
joins them.
FREDERICA
My mother and Sir James Martin have
wed!
REGINALD
What?! How could that happen? How
could they possibly marry? 84. CHARLES
To what do you refer? Both were
free to do so: he a bachelor, Susan
a widow.
REGINALD
Sir James Martin is a fool.
CATHERINE
Well, a bit of a “rattle,” perhaps.
REGINALD
A bit of a rattle? He’s a complete
blockhead!
CHARLES
Well, there are three possible
explanations as I see it: first,
perhaps Sir James has more merit
than we’ve allowed--
REGINALD
No.
CHARLES
Second, perhaps, in order to secure
your future, Frederica, your mother
thought it necessary to make a
prudent match herself.
FREDERICA
That could be the case. Mama has
always been concerned for my
future.
REGINALD
And the third possible explanation?
CHARLES
That she -- came to love him.
There is a saying - "the heart has
its strangeness," or words to that
effect. The heart is an instrument
we possess but do not truly know.
Human love partakes of the divine,
or at least has in my case.
Charles looks to Catherine who responds with a swee t smile.
CHARLES (CONT’D)
I believe you will find it in
Rousseau’s writings -- Julie, or
the New Heloise I think. 85.
(MORE) I will confirm the citation if
you’re interested.
REGINALD
I just find it incomprehensible
that so brilliant a woman could
marry such a pea brain... or peas
brain.
CHARLES
This happens all the time.
Catherine smiles at him.
REGINALD
It strains credulity.
CHARLES
Certainly -- as you’ve said--
(nod to Catherine)
Sir James is no “Solomon,” but if
he can give Lady Susan the
happiness and security which the
sad events of recent years deprived
her, then he's someone I and all of
us should value.
FREDERICA
I very much agree, Uncle, we all
should -- I wish them every
happiness in their life together.
INT. EDWARD ST., MAIN PARLOR - DAY
Sir James Martin, in very good spirits, follows Ali cia
Johnson into the room.
ALICIA
I congratulate you, Sir James, on a
match I long favored: there’s a
rightness to your being together --
not that any man could really
deserve Lady Susan.
SIR JAMES
I agree most heartily... And I’ve
the pleasure of adding that double
congratulations are in order.
ALICIA
What? 86.
CHARLES (CONT’D) SIR JAMES
The most beautiful woman in England
- present company excepted - will
soon be the most beautiful mother.
Yes, I’m to be a father.
ALICIA
Marvelous! You certainly don’t
delay matters... Congratulations,
Sir!
The footman brings in the elaborate tea service; Al icia mixes
the tea.
SIR JAMES
Yes. The very morning after the
wedding Lady Susan hinted at the
happy news - which was shortly
confirmed.
ALICIA
How truly marvelous!
SIR JAMES
I'm as proud as you can imagine.
The sound of a wheezing sob off screen.
SIR JAMES (CONT’D)
What's that?
ALICIA
(whispers)
Such a burden. When Lord and Lady
Manwaring separated, Mr. Johnson --
who was Lucy Manwaring’s guardian --
invited her to live with us.
SIR JAMES
Really? What upsets her?
ALICIA
The separation still. She keeps on
about it.
SIR JAMES
What?
ALICIA
All this carrying on about a
marriage that ended weeks ago. If a
woman fails to please her husband --
why go on about it, advertising
one’s failure? 87.
(MORE) Why announce to the world that the
man who knows you best would rather
be with someone else?
SIR JAMES
It seems as if Lady Manwaring has
failed to consider the difference
between the sexes. For a husband
to wander is not the same as vice
versa. If a husband strays, he’s
merely responds to his biology -
that is how men are made.
(smiling complacently)
But for a woman to act in a similar
way is ridiculous, unimaginable.
Just the idea is funny:
(laughs)
Hew, hew, hew... hew, hew.
ALICIA
Oh yes -- couldn’t agree more,
quite funny: ha, ha, ha.
They sit. From the silver samovar Alicia pours the water
over the tea.
SIR JAMES
I rather blame Lady Manwaring’s
scene-making for driving her
husband away. But her loss has been
our gain. As a result of all the
trouble her solicitors caused,
we’ve had him with us these past
weeks.
ALICIA
That’s not inconvenient?
SIR JAMES
Not at all. Capital fellow.
Couldn’t get on better -- loves to
hunt, small and large game.
Excellent to have a guest and the
talk which comes with it. Of course
Lady Susan's sharp but it's easier
to talk with a fellow, particularly
one who shares one’s interests....
Before long we'll have another
guest.
ALICIA
Frederica? 88.
ALICIA (CONT'D) SIR JAMES
(laughs)
No. Of course, the baby.
The door bursts open - Lady Manwaring, distraught a nd
disheveled, enters.
LADY MANWARING
Manwaring? Manwaring? Have you seen
my husband? What have you been
saying, Sir? Tell me. How... is he?
SIR JAMES
Well, Madam, very well, I believe.
Couldn’t be better.
Lady Manwaring leaves sobbing.
ALICIA
Tea?
SIR JAMES
Quite.
EXT. CHAPEL AT CHURCHILL -- DAY
As guests enter the chapel Sir James Martin’s carri age pulls
up. Sir James Martin, a very pregnant Lady Susan, a nd
Manwaring alight from it, Sir James stepping slight ly ahead:
SIR JAMES
(pleased, then confused)
So, here’s the Church! But, where’s
the hill? Don’t see it.
(looking around)
Doesn’t seem to be one -- strange.
Odd.
Sir James steps toward the portal as other guests e nter the
church. Manwaring looks handsome -- and content.
INT. CHAPEL AT CHURCHILL -- DAY
Immediately after the wedding, guests crowd around the portal
holding the green garland arch. The crowd cheers & throws
wheat as the newlyweds -- Frederica and Reginald -- pass
beneath. LITTLE CHARLOTTE VERNON, advancing with h er parents
Catherine and Charles Vernon calls out to the coupl e:
LITTLE CHARLOTTE VERNON
God bless you all! 89. INT. CHURCHILL, MAIN HALL -- DAY
The joyous arrival of wedding guests to the hall of Churchill
for cake and further celebration, within which ther e are
small groupings:
--A footman places a beautiful light blue wedding c ake on the
table.
--Frederica with Charles Vernon and Sir Reginald an d Lady
DeCourcy:
CHARLES
Your mother must be very proud.
FREDERICA
And I am enormously grateful to
her. Without my mother’s efforts I
would never have found such
happiness. Do excuse me.
--The Young Curate speaks with Catherine Vernon:
CURATE
Oh, no. That would be the Ninth.
--Lady Susan, Manwaring and Sir James Martin in ano ther
grouping:
SIR JAMES
You must be most proud of
Frederica.
SUSAN
I would not say “proud” -- I am
glad that I was able to attend to
her Education. My daughter has
shown herself to be cunning and
manipulative -- I couldn’t be more
pleased: A Vernon will never go
hungry.
Sir James raises a cheerful toast while Susan and M anwaring
exchange a passionate glance.
--Sir Reginald and Lady DeCourcy with Charles Verno n:
LADY DECOURCY
We must ask Frederica to sing.
CHARLES
That would be delightful.
(confiding)
The “Surrey Songbird,” we call her. 90. Sir Reginald seems irritated.
SIR REGINALD
What? No, she’s the Kentish
Nightingale -- always call her
that. “Surrey Songbird” --
nonsense, rubbish... ridiculous.
Wilson the butler announces:
WILSON
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Reginald
DeCourcy!
--The crowd turns to Reginald, standing with a beam ing and
lovely Frederica:
REGINALD
Over the past months I have
continued to be startled by
Frederica’s loveliness and good-
heart. I had wanted to write some
verses as a memorial to these
discoveries -- but they are now so
extensive they would form a volume
so I will just read these few
lines:
(reading from his notes)
Blest tho' she is with ev’ry human
grace,
The mien [”mean”] engaging, and
bewitching face...
Sir Reginald looks confused:
SIR REGINALD
“Mien engaging?”
CHARLES
Yes, “mien” -- appearance or
countenance -- from the French
“mine,” I believe. I could find you
the reference.
On the raised steps Reginald completes reciting the verse to
Frederica:
REGINALD
Yet still an higher beauty is her
care,
Virtue, the charm that most adorns
the fair. 91. The crowd cheers -- various reaction shots from the other
side of the room. Sir James Martin, particularly p leased,
raises his glass in a toast, Lady Susan and Manwari ng
exchange a devoted look.
--On the raised steps now Frederica alone and a hap py
Reginald below continues:
FREDERICA
As you may already know I take Lady
DeCourcy’s requests as commands and
therefore I will sing this piece...
The crowd gathers to hear.
FREDERICA (CONT’D)
(sings)
Over the mountains
And over the waves,
Under the fountains
And under the graves,
Under floods that are deepest,
Which Neptune obey
Over rocks that are the steepest,
Love will find out the way.
As Frederica sings, her voice beautiful, the reacti on shots
from all concerned, the very pregnant Lady Susan an d others,
ending with Sir Reginald and Lady DeCourcy’s affect ionate
embrace.
FREDERICA (CONT’D)
You may esteem him
A child for his might,
Or you may deem him
A coward from his flight.
But if she, whom Love doth honor,
Be concealed from the day
Set a thousand guards upon her,
Love will find out the way. *
As the music swells, credits roll. 92. | screenplays |
spin models on hierarchical lattices are a large class of exactly soluble models that have been first considered as approximations to regular lattices @xcite and then as examples of lattices invariant under a real - space renormalization procedure @xcite .
the renormalization group action for such models is therefore exact and the study of its dynamics provides some interesting results that can be useful in studying the renormalization group action in more general cases . in this paper
we consider some examples of potts models on hierarchical lattices , namely the diamond hierarchical lattice ( ) , the spider web ( ) , the sierpinski gasket ( ) and cylinders ( ) . apart from the case of the spider web which ( to the best of the author s knowledge ) has not yet been subject of research , models on the other lattices
have been extensively studied before ( e.g. @xcite,@xcite ) ; however , the purpose of this paper is to present all such models with a consistent and uniform method which also allows for the presence of an external magnetic field .
this approach has been presented in a previous paper @xcite and can be applied in full generality to all hierarchical lattices . for each model we will write the exact renormalization group generator and provide numerical results for the distribution of lee - yang and fisher zeros .
such results are obtained using techniques which we explain in and in the appendices .
we also report some observations which arise quite naturally from the analysis of the aforementioned models and also provide some new results .
in particular , we observe that lee - yang zeros responsible for the infinite susceptibility of ising model on the diamond hierarchical lattice in the paramagnetic phase are given by interactions that are only finitely renormalizable .
moreover , we are able to write the exact renormalization map associated to the potts model on a sierpinski gasket for all values of @xmath0 .
we refer the interested reader to @xcite for a detailed treatment of potts models on hierarchical lattices ; what follows in this introduction is an attempt to summarize consistently all basic concepts we need in this paper .
+ hierarchical lattices are infinite lattices in which we allow multiple - spin connections and that are obtained by iterating a _ decoration _ procedure on a finite lattice ; this procedure amounts to substitute each edge of a lattice with a given block of spins and edges ( see e.g. figures [ fig : dhlb],[fig : spider],[figure : sierpinski ] ) . in @xcite
we showed that , for such models , we can define a renormalization map that acts as a _ polynomial map _ on the complex vector space of boltzmann weights @xmath1 associated to local interactions @xmath2 .
we observe that a different normalization of the boltzmann weights or , equivalently , a different choice of zero of energies , does not change the thermodynamics of the models .
therefore , we argue that the space of boltzmann weights can be considered as a projective space @xmath3 and the renormalization map will act on such projective space as a _ rational map_. in general ,
if we consider models with several type of interactions , then the renormalization map will act on the cartesian product of several projective spaces ( i.e a so - called _ multiprojective space _ ) that we call _ dynamical space_. we define _ physical space _ to be the space of boltzmann weights associated to interactions given by pair interactions and ( possibly ) by coupling with an external magnetic field .
in general , the physical space is a submanifold of the dynamical space which is _ not _ preserved by the renormalization map .
this amounts to the well - known fact that the renormalization of pair interactions introduces new multiple - spin interactions .
hierarchical lattices are such that all possible multiple - spin interactions that arise from the renormalization process form a finite - dimensional space ; in this sense we say that hierarchical lattices are exactly renormalizable .
in the next sections we will perform a numerical study of rational maps that generate the renormalization group of some examples of hierarchical lattices .
we are , in fact , interested in finding the distribution of lee - yang and fisher zeros for such models . given the renormalization map of the model , one method to obtain numerically such distributions is to find all basins of attraction of stable fixed points of the map ; the boundary of such regions is going to be the unstable set for the renormalization map ( i.e. the so - called julia set ) and phase transitions of the model will appear for interactions belonging to such set ( see [ basins ] for more details ) . a second approach , in some sense more straightforward , proceeds by computing an approximation of a real function called _
green function_. this function is a purely dynamical object and it is related to the _ free energy _ of the model the map is associated to ; in particular we expect the two functions to have the same domain of analyticity ( although this fact has been formally proved only for some cases ) .
once we obtain the numerical approximation to the green function , applying the laplacean differential operator yields the density of the measure supported on the lee - yang and fisher zeros of the model ( see [ green ] for details ) .
+ as we pointed out in the introduction , the renormalization group action on boltzmann weights is generated by a rational map on a multiprojective space @xmath4 called _ dynamical space _ which contains all multiple - spin interactions that can be generated by the renormalization process .
we will often consider a submanifold @xmath5 that we call _ physical space_. this submanifold is given by boltzmann weights associated to interaction that are induced by pair interactions and possibly an external magnetic field .
let us define the pair interactions , i.e. let @xmath6 be the energy given to two parallel neighbouring spins and @xmath7 the energy associated to two neighbouring spins that are in different states .
the boltzmann weights associated to the corresponding energies will be denoted by @xmath8 $ ] and belong to the one - dimensional complex projective space @xmath9 . a magnetic field ,
if present , will assign energy @xmath10{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}$ ] to one _ special _
state among the @xmath0 potts states and energy @xmath11 to all other states .
the boltzmann weights associated to the corresponding energies will be denoted by @xmath12{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}:h_{\young(\hfil)}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^1 $ ] .
+ for each hierarchical lattice we can therefore define a map from @xmath13 that gives projective coordinates to @xmath5 . the pair interaction boltzmann weights will belong to the first @xmath9 factor and the magnetic field weight to the second @xmath9 factor .
we are now going to define standard local charts ( coordinates ) on each @xmath9 factor ; all numerical computations will be performed in one of such charts .
notice that all the coordinates we are going to define are just standard ( inhomogeneous ) charts on the projective line @xmath9 .
we call _ standard interaction coordinates _ the coordinate chart of @xmath9 given by @xmath14 ( for @xmath15 ) .
+ when dealing with zero - temperature phase transitions we will need to consider the inverse chart , @xmath16 ( for @xmath17 ) ; we will call such chart _ inverse interaction coordinates_. note that the standard interaction coordinates could be obtained by setting @xmath18 and considering the boltzmann weights @xmath19 corresponding to such choice of zero of energies . in this sense
we call them _ standard_. in such coordinates , @xmath20 and @xmath21 are respectively the antiferromagnetic and ferromagnetic points , while @xmath22 is the paramagnetic point .
the latter is fixed by all renormalization maps , while the ferromagnetic point ( @xmath21 ) is fixed whenever the hierarchical lattice is connected ; the antiferromagnetic point is usually mapped to the ferromagnetic point by the rg map .
we call _ standard field coordinates _ the coordinate @xmath23{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}}/{h_{\yng(1)}}=\exp\left(-\beta\left({h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}}-{h_{\yng(1)}}\right)\right)$ ] .
again , the standard field coordinates can be obtained as the boltzmann weights associated to the choice @xmath24 . in the standard field coordinates , @xmath25 corresponds to the case with zero field , @xmath26 corresponds to the case of infinite field and @xmath27 is when the privileged state costs infinite energy and it is therefore never assumed .
diamond hierarchical lattices ( dhls ) have been the first hierarchical lattices to be investigated using tools from complex dynamics @xcite ; they are lattices on a standard graph , and they can be obtained by iterating the _ decoration procedure _ illustrated in figure [ fig : dhlb ] .
( left ) with some iterations of the decoration procedure for @xmath28 on a starting graph @xmath29 ( right ) .
the hierarchical lattice @xmath30 is the limit graph that we obtain by indefinitely iterating the decoration procedure.,title="fig:",height=94 ] ( left ) with some iterations of the decoration procedure for @xmath28 on a starting graph @xmath29 ( right ) .
the hierarchical lattice @xmath30 is the limit graph that we obtain by indefinitely iterating the decoration procedure.,title="fig:",height=94 ] recall that we define the interaction as @xmath6 if two neighbouring spins are in the same state and @xmath7 if they are in different states .
for this lattice the dynamical variables with no magnetic field are the boltzmann weights @xmath31=[z_{{{\rm
s}}}:z_{{\rm d}}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^1 $ ] relative to the states of two neighbouring spins : @xmath32 in this case the physical space of the model without external field coincides with the dynamical space .
the renormalization map can be easily written in the dynamical variables for all values of @xmath0 ; let @xmath33 and @xmath34 are the renormalized variables ; then : @xmath35 [ dhlnof ] for every @xmath36 the map has a fixed point at @xmath37 $ ] ( paramagnetic point ) and at @xmath38 $ ] ( ferromagnetic point ) .
another fixed point appears when @xmath36 is odd at @xmath39 $ ] .
the fixed point @xmath37 $ ] is always superattracting ( i.e. the map has zero derivative at the fixed point ) , while the ferromagnetic fixed point is superattracting only if @xmath40 , therefore excluding the one - dimensional chain case .
thus , in all other cases , and for all values of @xmath0 , we expect a phase transition at _ finite _ temperature , since basins of attraction of an attracting fixed point of a rational map always contain a neighbourhood of the fixed point . in figure [ dhlvarib ]
we show the aforementioned basins of attraction of the ferromagnetic and paramagnetic fixed point for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 . for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ;
rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] + for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] + for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] + for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] for various values of @xmath36 and @xmath0 ; rows have respectively @xmath41 , and columns have @xmath42,title="fig:",width=132 ] + as explained in the previous paper it is possible to deal in a completely analogous way with an applied magnetic field ; corresponding boltzmann weights will appear as parameters of the renormalization map . in this case
the dynamical variables are the boltzmann weights @xmath43{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}:z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}:z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}:z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^3 $ ] relative to the states of two neighbouring spins according to the following rules : @xmath44{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt } } } } ) } & \qquad{\rm same\ state\ ( special)}\\ z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}&\qquad{\rm different\ states ( one\ special)}\\ z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}&\qquad{\rm same\ state(not\ special)}\\ z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}&\qquad{\rm different\ states(not\ special)}\\\end{aligned}\ ] ] now given @xmath45{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}},{h_{\yng(1)}}$ ] we can define the physical space as given by : @xmath46{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}=\exp(-\beta({j_{{\rm s}}}+2{h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}}))\qquad z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}=\exp(-\beta({j_{{\rm d}}}+{h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}}+{h_{\yng(1 ) } } ) ) \cr z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}=\exp(-\beta({j_{{\rm s}}}+2{h_{\yng(1)}}))\qquad z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}=\exp(-\beta({j_{{\rm d}}}+2{h_{\yng(1)}}))}. \label{initialdhl}\ ] ] the renormalization map is given in - : @xmath47{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}&=&\left(h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2+(q-1)\cdot h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\small\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\right)^b\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}&=&\left(h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}+h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}+(q-2)\cdot h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}\right)^b\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}&=&\left ( h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2+h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}^2+(q-2)\cdot h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}^2\right)^b\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}&=&\left(h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2 + 2\cdot h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}+(q-3)\cdot h_{\yng(1)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil,\hfil)}^2\right)^b \label{dhlfield2}\end{aligned}\ ] ] the renormalization map does not preserve the physical space , i.e. the image of ( that is in general a submanifold of codimension 1 ) unless @xmath48 .
in fact , in such case the dynamical space is given by @xmath43{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}:z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}:z_{\young(\hfil\hfil)}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^2 $ ] and the map given by is surjective .
one could in principle write the renormalization map in terms of boltzmann weights associated to @xmath45{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}},{h_{\yng(1)}}$ ] ( see e.g. @xcite ) ; however , the map obtained in such variables is not rational ( since it involves square roots ) and its analysis is not as straightforward as it would be on the dynamical space . in any case it is convenient to perform the analysis in the dynamical space and then restrict to the physical space to obtain plots and thermodynamical quantities .
+ one can compute with good approximation the green function of the renormalization map and look for phase transitions in the magnetic field part of the dynamical space . looking just at the ising case , with no surprise
we find the full lee - yang circle for the ferromagnetic phase , and we obtain an anomalous plot for the supposedly paramagnetic phase ( shows the @xmath49 case ) . ; the center of both figures is z. left : zeros in the real ferromagnetic phase ; right : the anomalous zeros for the supposedly paramagnetic phase , title="fig:",width=170 ] ; the center of both figures is z. left : zeros in the real ferromagnetic phase ; right : the anomalous zeros for the supposedly paramagnetic phase , title="fig:",width=170 ] the anomalous plot illustrates two interesting facts .
the first ( proved in @xcite ) is that zeros of the partition function _ do _ accumulate on the positive real axis even in the supposedly paramagnetic phase i.e. the system exhibits infinite susceptibility in the paramagnetic phase , which therefore is more appropriately called critical phase .
the critical phase nevertheless exhibits paramagnetic behaviour ( this is also proved in @xcite ) ; in fact , we report in figure [ magnetization ] the numerical data for the spontaneous magnetization . ) .
the horizontal axis corresponds to real values of @xmath50 , on the @xmath51 axis we have spontaneous magnetization ( in arbitrary units ) .
we notice the presence of the three phases : antiferromagnetic , critical ( paramagnetic ) and ferromagnetic.,height=188 ] the second interesting fact to note is that points that are accumulating towards the positive real axis in the critical phase are not ordinary zeros of the partition function , but are preimages of the so - called indeterminacy set .
in fact , the anomalous zeros in on the right , can be seen as @xmath52s that decrease in size as they become dense , whereas the regular zeros in on the left form a solid line .
the indeterminacy set is the set of points on which the renormalization map is not defined , i.e. the points that would map to all boltzmann weights equal to @xmath53 under the renormalization map ( see @xcite ) .
points accumulating on the positive real axis in correspond therefore to interactions that are only finitely renormalizable .
such points are in some sense anomalous from the points of view of both dynamics and physics , and it would be quite interesting to understand if this connection is more than just a mere coincidence .
the spider web lattice is obtained by iterating the decoration @xmath54 shown in figure infinitely many times ; as the picture illustrates this lattice is based on what is called a 3-uniform hypergraph . in this case
the dynamical variables are the boltzmann weights @xmath55\in{\mathbb{p}}^2 $ ] relative to the states of 3 neighbouring spins : @xmath56 we can consider pair interactions given by @xmath57 on each edge of each triangle in the following way : @xmath58 which follows by giving to each dynamical variable the boltzmann weight associated to the energy of the pair interactions in the corresponding configuration . in this case , each side of each triangle ( apart from the three sides of the initial hypergraph ) is counted twice , as each side is shared by two 3-edges . since this multiplicity is uniform for ( almost ) all sides ,
this is not an issue ; the renormalization transformation is therefore easily written in the dynamical variables : @xmath59 [ spiderwebnof ] notice that , in general , the renormalization map does not preserve the physical space submanifold .
once more , this amounts to the well - known fact that in general renormalizing pair interactions gives rise to interactions that can not be written as pair interactions .
this did not happen in the previous case because the dhl is naturally defined using only 2-edges .
notice , moreover , that if @xmath48 , the equation for @xmath60 uncouples from the first two and we have that the projective space generated by the first two variables is invariant under the renormalization map .
this is not unexpected since , if @xmath48 , there can not be a configuration for which all three spins are in different states . as a matter of fact it is interesting to compute the restriction of the map in such a case , as we recover a map of the quadratic family best known as _ the cauliflower _
( see for example @xcite ) : @xmath61@xmath62 ; as we change @xmath0 we can track the evolution of the antiferromagnetic phase.,title="fig:",width=132 ] ; as we change @xmath0 we can track the evolution of the antiferromagnetic phase.,title="fig:",width=132 ] ; as we change @xmath0 we can track the evolution of the antiferromagnetic phase.,title="fig:",width=132 ] we can recognize the cauliflower in the physical variables in the leftmost picture of figure [ ragnatela ] . from the map we easily see that the paramagnetic point @xmath37 $ ] is a parabolic fixed point ( i.e. its multiplier is a root of unity . ) and the convergence of the green function in its neighbourhood is rather slow .
the same slow convergence rate can also be noticed for all preimages of this point .
all points inside the cauliflower ( therefore all antiferromagnetic interactions ) will converge to the paramagnetic fixed point , while all points outside will converge to the ferromagnetic fixed point at infinity .
this could be explained by the fact that frustration prevents the formation of an antiferromagnetic phase . for @xmath63
the map acts on the full @xmath64 .
this map has one indeterminacy point at @xmath65 $ ] , represented by the cross at the center of the appropriate plot in figure [ ragnatela ] .
in fact , this point corresponds to an interaction that allows only for the configuration given by all three spins in different states .
it is easy to check ( see ) that if @xmath63 it is not possible to have a configuration of spins on the spiderweb satisfying this requirement . to this extent , this interaction is not renormalizable .
the newborn region that surrounds the indeterminacy point is mapped to the basin of attraction of the ferromagnetic point @xmath66 , indicating that the behaviour of this phase could be antiferromagnetic . considering @xmath67 or higher we observe that the antiferromagnetic phase disappears . + it is straightforward to write the renormalization group map in presence of an external magnetic field .
however , for sake of clarity , we restrict ourselves to the case @xmath48 ; the dynamical variables are given by @xmath43{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}:z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}:z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}:z_{\yng(3)}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^3 $ ] : @xmath68{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}&= & z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}+ z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^3\cdot h_{\young(\hfil)}\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}&= & z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}+ z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\cdot h_{\young(\hfil)}\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}&= & z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2 \cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}+ z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\yng(3)}\cdot h_{\young(\hfil)}\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\yng(3)}&= & z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}+ z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}^3\cdot h_{\young(\hfil)}\end{aligned}\ ] ] [ spiderwebfield ] variable for @xmath69 for various values of interaction .
note that the transition is rather gentle ; this is due to the fact that the density of zeros is low near the transition point , height=188 ] notice that the renormalization map is symmetric for the exchange of the special state with the other state . in figure [ spidermagn ]
we provide a plot of the spontaneous magnetization vs. interaction that confirms the presence of the paramagnetic phase for all antiferromagnetic interactions and of the ferromagnetic phase for all ferromagnetic interactions .
[ spiderweb ]
we can generate the sierpinski gasket by infinite iterations of the decoration shown in figure [ figure : sierpinski ] .
+ the dynamical and physical spaces are the same as in ; in this case each side of each triangle is counted just once , so we have no multiplicity issues .
we record for sake of completeness the renormalization map for any value of @xmath0 : [ sierpimap ]
@xmath70 @xmath71 @xmath72 once more , if @xmath48 , the third equation decouples and again we obtain a map defined on a @xmath9 .
@xmath73 this is equation 3.2 in @xcite or equation 14 in @xcite . the exact and numerical results ( )
tell us that we have no phase transitions at finite temperature ; we have zeros in the thermodynamical limit only for @xmath74 in the physical domain
. the paramagnetic fixed point is attracting for all points in the positive real axis , so that we can not have a ferromagnetic phase .
this behaviour is similar to that of the linear chain .
.,title="fig:",width=188 ] .,title="fig:",width=188 ] + .,title="fig:",width=188 ] .,title="fig:",width=188 ] + .,title="fig:",width=188 ] .,title="fig:",width=188 ] + again it is easy but tedious to compute the map for the general case in presence of an external magnetic field ; we will give here the exact expression for the ising case : @xmath68{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}&= & h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3 + 3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2h_{\yng(1)}\cdot \left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\right)+\nonumber\\&&+3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}h_{\yng(1)}^2\cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\right)+h_{\yng(1)}^3\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^3\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}&= & h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}+ h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2h_{\yng(1)}\cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^3 + 2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\right)+\nonumber\\&&+h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}h_{\yng(1)}^2\cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}+2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\right)+ h_{\yng(1)}^3\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}&= & h_{\yng(1)}^3\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}+h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}h_{\yng(1)}^2\cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^3 + 2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}\right)+\nonumber\\&&+ h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2h_{\yng(1)}\cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}+2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}\right)+ h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^2\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}&= & h_{\yng(1)}^3\cdot z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}^3 + 3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}h_{\yng(1)}^2\cdot\left ( z_{\young(\hfil\hfil\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\right)+\nonumber\\&&+3\cdot h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^2h_{\yng(1 ) } \cdot\left ( z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil\hfil)}^2\right)+ h_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}})}^3\cdot z_{\young({{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}}{{\textcolor{gray}{\rule[-0.4pt]{2.4pt}{2.4pt}}}},\hfil)}^3\end{aligned}\ ] ] notice that , once again , we have complete symmetry for exchange of the special state with the other .
since we have no ferromagnetic phase , the lee - yang zeros do not accumulate to the positive real axis , as shown in figure [ lysierp ] . but
qualitatively depicts all ferromagnetic interactions .
as we expected , zeros do not accumulate on the real positive axis , and their structure is quite complicated as it is made of pieces with genuine zeros and pieces with points of the indeterminacy set.,width=132 ]
in this final section we provide an example of non - uniform lattices , i.e. lattices in which several types of edges are used .
we present a lattice obtained as the quotient of the square lattice @xmath75 with a translation .
such lattices can be regarded as being generated by decorations in and . for these lattices , a very special case of non - uniform lattices , we recover results that can be found in a completely equivalent way using the transfer matrix method ; in this framework the transfer matrix is indeed the renormalization map . + for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] for @xmath76 , respectively .
the cylinders are obtained by substituting infinitely many times the triangle ( square , hexagon ) with the corresponding decoration , title="fig:",height=75 ] in each one of these lattices we have two type of edges .
one is a regular 2-edge and the other is respectively a 3,4 or 6-edge .
consider , for instance , the simplest lattice in , i.e. the 3-skewed cylinder and let @xmath48 .
the dynamical variables are the boltzmann weights @xmath77,[z_{{\tiny}\yng(2)}:z_{{\tiny}\yng(1,1)}]\in{\mathbb{p}}^1\times{\mathbb{p}}^1 $ ] .
the renormalization map will leave pair interactions ( i.e. the second factor ) invariant and will induce a 3-spin interaction on the first factor according to the following formula : @xmath78 { \mathscr{z}}_{{\tiny}\yng(2)}&= & z_{\yng(2)}\\ { \mathscr{z}}_{{\tiny}\yng(1,1)}&= & z_{\yng(1,1)}\end{aligned}\ ] ] [ tubo3 ] notice that we can arrange the map as a linear map in the order 3 variables , parametric in the order 2 variables : @xmath79 whose corresponding matrix is the transfer matrix of the system .
since we are dealing with a projective space we can factor out the polynomial @xmath80 ( if @xmath81 ) , and defining : @xmath82\right){\doteqdot}\frac { z_{\yng(2)}^6 + z_{\yng(1,1)}^6}{\left ( z_{\yng(2)}^4\cdot z_{\yng(1,1)}^2 + z_{\yng(2)}^2\cdot z_{\yng(1,1)}^4\right)},\ ] ] we can rewrite the matrix in the much simpler form : @xmath83 computing @xmath84 in the standard interaction coordinates @xmath19 ( for @xmath85 , we obtain : @xmath86 lattice.,width=188 ] we can compute the green function in the variable @xmath19 and obtain the set depicted in figure [ fig : euro ] for the non - analyticity locus .
+ notice that in this case the matrix of degrees does not satisfy the perron - frobenius hypothesis of [ green ] ; in fact , the matrix is parabolic , i.e. it is not diagonalizable , with generalized eigenvalue 1 .
therefore , we have to use a variation of the argument that we provided ; the convergence of the green function in this case is much slower ( logarithmic ) and the plot looks less definite .
indeed , one can obtain the set in an analytical way ; in fact , one can easily check that in this case the appropriate version of the green function is proportional to the logarithm of the norm of the maximal eigenvalue of the matrix .
the non - analyticity locus is therefore contained in the set of points such that we have at least two eigenvalues with maximum norm .
such a condition is easily expressed in an analytic form and the resulting set agrees with the numerical picture . + it is my special pleasure to thank prof .
stefano marmi for his constant support and always welcome suggestions .
also i am indebted to anonymous referees for their most useful comments .
in cases where it is easy to locate all stable fixed points of the map ( e.g. for maps on the riemann sphere @xmath87 ) , it is possible to obtain their basins of attraction in the following way .
first of all we find a stable neighbourhood of each fixed point i.e. a ball of small radius such that its image is contained in itself . having fixed a maximum number of iterations , we discretize a bounded region of the _ physical space _ in a finite number of _ pixels _ , and for each pixel , we apply iteratively the map starting from the center of the pixel until we end up in one of the aforementioned stable neighbourhoods .
if this happens in the given maximum number of iterations , we declare the initial pixel to belong to the _ attracting basin _ of the corresponding fixed point and we color it according to the speed of convergence ( the faster the lighter ) and to which fixed point it is attracted to . if the point does not fall in any neighbourhood in the given number of iterations , it is coloured black .
+ pictures obtained in such a way show the unstable set of the map as the boundary of the basins of attraction ; moreover , showing which points are attracted to which fixed points , the pictures provide basic information on the asymptotic dynamics of the rg map .
we recall that a rational map on a multiprojective space @xmath4 lifts to a polynomial map that is separately homogeneous in each factor , i.e. : @xmath88,\cdots,[z^{(p)}]\right)\mapsto\left(\left[f^{(1)}\left(z^{(1)},\cdots , z^{(p)}\right)\right],\cdots,[f^{(p)}\left(z^{(1)},\cdots , z^{(p)}\right)]\right ) \end{array}\ ] ] where each @xmath89 is such that : @xmath90 and @xmath91 is the degree of @xmath89 with respect to @xmath92 .
considering @xmath91 as an integer - valued matrix @xmath93 , we can find its eigenvalues ; in good cases we expect ( via the perron - frobenius theorem ) a simple real maximal eigenvalue @xmath94 such that its associated ( normalized ) eigenvector @xmath95 has all non - negative coordinates .
in such cases we can define the green function : @xmath96 notice the similarity of this function with the free energy of the system .
in fact , for hierarchical lattices we have the following expression for the free energy : @xmath97 where @xmath98 is the partition function of the starting hypergraph . moreover ,
if we call @xmath99 the number of edges of type @xmath100 that belong to the starting hypergraph , we can express the total number of edges of the @xmath101-th approximation to the hierarchical lattice as @xmath102 .
for generic @xmath103 , this expression is obviously asymptotic to @xmath104 .
as explained in @xcite there are results that state that the two functions @xmath105 and @xmath106 are equal in the uniform case with mild assumptions on @xmath98 , but there is no general result for the non - uniform case . moreover notice that in the uniform case the matrix @xmath93 is just a number , therefore most of the computations are made easier .
+ we remark that we can exploit the homogeneous nature of the map to obtain a clever ( and geometrically converging ) way of numerically computing the green function .
in fact , let us define the sequence @xmath107 of normalized iterates and the sequence @xmath108 of the corresponding norms as follows : @xmath109 we can write : @xmath110 therefore ,
iterating the previous expression we get : @xmath111 taking the logarithm and considering @xmath112 as components of a vector @xmath113 in a @xmath114-dimensional space and again @xmath91 as elements of the @xmath115-matrix @xmath93 , we obtain the following expression : @xmath116 when we compute the scalar product with the maximal eigenvector of @xmath93 we are projecting on the corresponding eigenspace , therefore the expression can be rewritten as : @xmath117 dividing by the normalization term we get the following expression for the green function : @xmath118 that is geometrically convergent ( if @xmath94 ) and can be computed numerically with very good approximation as the @xmath119 are bounded .
as a last remark notice that in the uniform case the expression reduces to @xmath120 where @xmath121 is the degree of the map and @xmath108s are just numbers .
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r b and kaufman m 1981 exactly soluble ising models on hierarchical lattices _ _ b _ _ * 24 * , 496 - 98 griffiths r b and kaufman m 1982 spin systems on hierarchical lattices . introduction and thermodynamic limit _ _ b _ _ * 26 * , 5022 - 32 griffiths r b and kaufman m 1984 spin systems on hierarchical lattices .
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sierpinski gaskets _ _ * 17 * , 435 - 44 burioni r , cassi d and donetti l 1999 lee - yang zeros and the ising model on the sierpinski gasket _ _ * 32 * , 5017 - 27 j. de simoi , s. marmi 2007 potts models on hierarchical lattices and renormalization group dynamics _ arxiv _ * * , cond - mat/0708.0616 a. douady , j. hubbard 1984/85 tude dynamique des polynmes complexes _ prepub . math .
dorsay _ * 2/4 * , | arxiv |
in recent years , decision support and data mining systems have became very important for analyzing very large databases . yet these systems have limited functionality and lack of some important features .
one of the very important features that these systems lack is the ability to detect and report interesting finding ( e.g. , exceptions ) .
moreover , these systems can not directly be applied on hidden web databases in a time where these databases could have a rich and valuable content that interests various third parties . in this paper , we develop a novel technique for discovering @xmath0 of aggregate queries , e.g. , avg , sum , over @xmath1 hidden web databases .
* change detection : * monitor and report changes in databases is very important for decision support and data mining systems .
these systems benefit from executing aggregate queries ( e.g. , sum , avg ) on very large databases to detect and report interesting finding , which can often be very expensive and resource intensive .
many systems use pre - computation of aggregates to improve response time .
although they do not calculate all aggregates ( seen as view selection problem ) and relay on a predetermined number of queries .
an examples of such systems is the online analytical processing ( olap ) .
* hidden web databases : * the idea of hidden web databases is that they are @xmath2 behind restrictive search interfaces .
these databases are not accessible through the traditional search engines , and the only way to access them is by submitting desired values for one or more attributes ( to form a conjunctive search query ) and get a small number ( bounded by a constant @xmath3 which can be 50 or 100 ) of tuples that match the specified query .
this type of databases is very common on the internet , and some examples of such databases include amazon.com , yahoo !
autos , ebay.com , etc .
* problem motivation : * hidden web databases contain a rich content that interests various third parties , such as government agencies , and academic and commercial sectors .
these parties could benefit from the ability to monitor a wide variety of aggregate queries and report interesting finding , since these aggregates are the most common type of queries in decision support systems .
for example , durring black friday / cyber monday of 2014 , amazon announced a huge discount on their new unlocked amazon fire smartphone from $ 499 to $ 199 ( a $ 250 price drop ) .
this announcement was resulted by a sharp drop in the average price of the same smartphone on the other websites ( i.e. , the average price on ebay for all amazon fire smartphones droped from $ 310 to $ 258 ) .
more generally , when the avg price for a certain product that listed on a sale database increases rapidly , this may indicate an increase in demand for this product .
similarly , when the avg salary offered on job database that require a certain skill increases quickly , this may indicate an expansion of the corresponding market .
* challenges : * discovering exceptions of aggregate queries on hidden web databases has two critical challenges : the challenge of hidden web databases in general ; and the challenge of dynamic aggregate estimation . 1 .
[ itm : challenge of hidden web databases ] challenge of hidden web databases : most of real - world hidden web databases do not directly support aggregate queries through their web interfaces .
the only way to answer such aggregates is by combining multiple search queries .
a problem with this solution is that most real - world web databases apply limitation to the number of search queries one can issue through per - ip and per - developer ( i.e. , ebay limits api calls to 5,000 per day ) .
prior work @xcite discussed such way to estimate aggregate queries for static databases ( i.e. , assuming databases do not change overtime ) .
this is unreasonable assumption , since in reality , most real - world web databases are frequently updated .
an improved technique has been introduced by @xcite to solve the limitation problem over dynamic databases .
however , their solution only consider one single aggregate at a time . to discover exceptions over a dynamic database ,
we need to monitor a large group of aggregates , which make solving the limitation problem more challenging .
challenge of dynamic aggregate estimation : prior work ( e.g. , @xcite ) has introduced techniques to overcome ( [ itm : challenge of hidden web databases ] ) up to a certain level and estimates aggregates over dynamic hidden web databases
. their existing algorithm applies a random walk technique and distributes the query budget available for reissuing ( i.e. , updating ) previous drill downs , and the rest for initiating new drill downs to track and estimate various types of aggregates .
this technique wastes a lot of queries by producing independent samples , such that each sample can only be used to estimate one candidate once ( e.g. , no information is retained / reused to other aggregate queries ) .
in contrast , applying traditional decision support systems to this problem requires a fully access to the database itself , something that is often not applicable for hidden web databases .
even if we assume that we somehow have a full access to the database , finding exceptions of aggregates constantly requires formidable resources .
previous studies @xcite proposed using precomputed samples of the data ( e.g. , uniform random sampling ) to reduce response time while giving acceptable answers . yet , selecting inappropriate samples for arbitrary aggregates would lead to large estimation errors . therefore , selecting the right samples to give the right estimations and find exceptions while minimizing the query cost becomes a very complicated but important problem .
the problem we consider in this paper is how to track and discover exceptions of aggregates over dynamic hidden web databases . in this paper , we restrict our discussion to categorical data .
consider a database @xmath4 with @xmath5 tuples @xmath6 , and @xmath7 attributes @xmath8 , ... ,
@xmath9 , each of which has a discrete domain .
the domain of @xmath10 is denoted by @xmath11 for each @xmath12 @xmath13 @xmath14 $ ] , where @xmath15 represents the cardinality of @xmath11 , i.e. , the number of possible values of @xmath10 ( domain values are always known ) .
we assume no duplicate tuple exists in @xmath4 , and each tuple @xmath16 can be represented by a d - dimension vector @xmath17 .
we assume a prototypical interface where users can query the database by specifying values for a subset of attributes .
thus a search query @xmath18 is of the form : select @xmath19 from @xmath4 where @xmath20 , where @xmath21 is a value from @xmath22 , and @xmath23 is the result of @xmath18 .
let @xmath23 be the set of tuples in @xmath4 that satisfies @xmath18 .
as it is common with most web interfaces , we shall assume that the query interface is restricted to only return @xmath3 tuples , where @xmath24 is a predetermined small constant ( such as 100 or 500 ) .
thus , @xmath23 will be entirely returned iff the number of tuples returned is less than @xmath3 . if the query is too broad ( i.e. , number of tuples returned is more than @xmath3 ) , only the @xmath25 tuples in @xmath23 will be selected according to a ranking function , and returned as the query result . note that repeating the same query @xmath23 may not retrieve new tuples , i.e. , the same @xmath3 tuples may always be returned .
along with @xmath25 tuples , we also assume that the interface returns the total number of tuples satisfying @xmath23 .
let @xmath26 be the total number of tuples returned by the interface , such that @xmath26 can determine the status of @xmath18 ; we say @xmath23 is an overflow when @xmath27 , i.e. , that not all tuples satisfying @xmath18 can be returned . at the other extreme , when @xmath18 is too specific such that @xmath28 , we have an underflow , i.e. , no tuples returned .
if @xmath29 then we have a valid query . for the purpose of this paper , we assume that a restrictive interface does not allow users to scroll through the complete answer of @xmath23 when @xmath18 overflows .
instead , users must pose new queries by reformulating some of the search conditions .
this is a reasonable assumption since many real - world @xmath25 interfaces ( e.g. , google ) limit page turns ( e.g. , 100 at the time this paper was written ) .
aggregate query @xmath18 for a target attribute @xmath30 with the selection condition @xmath31 takes the form of : select @xmath32 from @xmath4 where @xmath31 where @xmath33 is an aggregate , such as @xmath34 , @xmath35 , @xmath36 , @xmath37 , and @xmath38 .
the selection condition @xmath31 is a conjunction of @xmath39 , where @xmath40 is a value from @xmath41 .
for example , assume we have two attributes @xmath8 and @xmath42 , both are boolean attributes .
@xmath31 could be a conjunction of @xmath43 and @xmath44 , and we donate the result of this aggregate query as @xmath45 .
now let us say you want to know the average price of the htc cellphones with a five - inch screen .
the aggregate query takes the form of : select @xmath46 from @xmath47 where @xmath48 and @xmath49 consider an aggregate query , based on its values with fixed time interval at @xmath50 .
we define an aggregate query as an exception by three factors .
firstly , the aggregate which is always over only a few of tuples is unnecessary to consider .
for example , if only one tuple satisfies the selection condition , the change of itself will be the change of the aggregate .
therefore , this aggregate wo nt be as meaningful as others with a lot of tuples , so we set a @xmath51 @xmath52 @xmath53 to filter the small size aggregates .
thus , if @xmath54 , we do not treat its aggregate as a potential exception . secondly ,
if the aggregate is far away from what it was before , we consider it as a potential exception . to measure how
far away " this aggregate is from what it was before , we compute the distribution of @xmath45 based on historical data
. then we can have an interval @xmath55 , the average of @xmath45 @xmath56 , and the most of @xmath45 belong to @xmath55 .
if @xmath57 is out of @xmath55 , it is a low probability event .
thus , we continue to treat it as a potential exception .
to define the low probability event , we set a @xmath58 @xmath52 @xmath59 , such that a low probability event has a chance of occurrence of less than or equal @xmath59 ( or more than or equal @xmath60 ) .
thirdly , the aggregate change percentage ( increment / decrement ) of last day comparing with previous days must be big enough .
thus , we set a @xmath61 @xmath52 @xmath62 , such that an aggregate with a change percentage for last day is an exception when the change percentage is more than or equal @xmath62 .
once an aggregate meets all these three factors , we treat it as an exception .
we define an aggregate as an exception at @xmath63 when it satisfies all conditions below : \(1 ) @xmath64 ; \(2 ) @xmath65 or @xmath66 ; \(3 ) @xmath67 ; where @xmath68 is the change percentage , @xmath69 is the cumulative distribution function of @xmath70 , and @xmath70 is a random variable such that @xmath71 in which @xmath72 is the average of @xmath73 and @xmath74 is their variance @xmath75 . here , we assume that @xmath45 is in normal distribution form .
an example as follow : assume we want to monitor the average price of all cellphones , where @xmath76 , @xmath77 , and @xmath78 .
if the average price of the motorola cellphones with 4-inch screen drops suddenly , based on the historical data , the current avg(@xmath79 ) drops @xmath80 or more and in the left side of the normal distribution graph .
select @xmath82 where @xmath83 = motorola & @xmath84 = 4-inch " is returned as an exception .
a straightforward approach is to crawl the entire database @xmath4 , then find exceptions .
the benefit of this solution is that @xmath85 exceptions can be found .
however , this is unreasonable solution for this type of problem since you do nt only need to crawl @xmath4 in @xmath63 but also for all time interval @xmath86 .
moreover , because of query limitation forced on hidden web databases , we can not enumerate all the selection conditions to check whether each of them is an exception or not .
a more reasonable approach is to take a sample to estimate the @xmath45 .
there is a deep research for answering this question for estimation with selection condition .
but in this problem , estimating each selection condition separately wastes a lot of queries , because a sample can not only be for one selection condition , i.e. , if we already know @xmath23 , where @xmath87 @xmath88 @xmath44 , @xmath23 is a sample for both @xmath89 and @xmath44 .
for example , if we have the full list of the motorola cellphones with 4-inch screen already , these cellphones can be a sample to estimate average price for both motorola cellphones and 4-inch screen cellphones .
hence , we take a sample of the dataset first and then make different estimations based on it .
now we introduce two concepts that are essential in our solution , query - pool and apriori .
* query - pool : * a query - pool @xmath90 is introduced to guide the process of identifying @xmath91 queries .
a query @xmath18 is a candidate when its result @xmath92 , i.e. , the number of returned tuples is bigger than support threshold .
our purposed algorithms use @xmath90 as part of their solutions to identify candidates .
once all candidates are identified and in @xmath90 , we answer aggregate queries and find exceptions .
* apriori algorithm:*[apriori ] apriori algorithm @xcite is a famous and influential algorithm for mining frequent itemsets for boolean association rules .
one of its functionality is to determine the frequent itemsets , i.e. , the sets of item which has minimum support .
apriori extends frequent subsets by one item at a time in a
bottom up " approach ( a step known as candidate generation ) and tests the groups of candidates against the data .
similarly , the query candidates generation in our query - pool uses the same approach , where predicates are extended one attribute at a time until no further successful extensions are found .
recall that , as mentioned in * query - pool * , a query @xmath18 is a candidate when @xmath92 .
for example , assume we have two attributes @xmath8 and @xmath42 , both are boolean , and @xmath93 .
we have eight queries @xmath94 , @xmath95 , @xmath96 , ... , @xmath97 .
a query @xmath98 for @xmath99 $ ] is a candidate when @xmath100 .
the baseline algorithm consists of two phases .
the first one is generating the query - pool @xmath90 using apriori algorithm discussed in section [ apriori ] .
once this phase is done , we have all candidates in @xmath90 .
the second phase is to find all exceptions from the query - pool .
this can be done using the random walk approach to sample hidden web databases , which is proposed in @xcite .
the idea of random walk is centered on @xmath101 @xmath102 over a query tree .
the root level of query tree is select @xmath19 from @xmath4 , where the query tree organizes queries from broad to specific from top to bottom . for each @xmath101 @xmath103 ,
the query appends a random conjunctive constraint to the selection condition until a valid query is reached . to imagine the random walk process , assume a specific ordering of all binary attributes each time , e.g. @xmath104 $ ] .
the random walk starts from the root by issuing the query @xmath18 = select * from @xmath4 .
each time @xmath18 overflows , we expand it by adding the next attribute and assign a random predicate to it one at a time .
for example , when @xmath18 overflows for the first time , we expand it by assigning a random selected predicate to @xmath8 ( either @xmath87 " or @xmath43 " ) .
this process leads @xmath18 to be either a valid or underflowing query .
if @xmath18 is valid , then we randomly choose the returned tuple .
otherwise , we restart the random walk process . consider figure 1 , which shows a database @xmath4 with three attributes and three tuples , and a complete binary tree with 4 @xmath105 levels .
the @xmath12-@xmath106 level @xmath107 represents attribute @xmath10 and the leaves represent possible tuples .
each node that falls in a level @xmath108 has two edges labelled as 0 and 1 respectively .
the leaves at level @xmath7 + 1 represent all possible assignments of values to the attributes .
the combination of any assignment is unique such that there is no other leave node with the same path . not all leaves necessary represent existing tuples as some leaves may be empty , which is very common in a real - world database . when applying the random walk , we start from the top node of the tree @xmath8
( i.e. , the first attribute ) and randomly we pick a value either 0 or 1 ( i.e. , represents the edge ) with equal probability . every time we pick
an attribute we check whether it is an overflow or not .
if it is an overflow , we pick a random value for the next attribute , in this case it is @xmath42 , and check again for its validity .
we repeat this and assign attributes in order until we reach a valid or underflow query .
if the query is underflow we start the process from the beginning , otherwise we have a valid query returning @xmath109 tuples .
we then we pick one of the @xmath110 tuples with probability of @xmath111.note that the access probability of the tuple that gets picked is therefore @xmath112 = @xmath113 .
then , the tuple is accepted with probability @xmath114 where @xmath115 where c is a scale factor that boosts the selection probabilities to make the algorithm efficient .
for categorical dataset , the only difference is that we have @xmath15 choices at @xmath12-@xmath106 level .
and the access probability is @xmath116 . for each candidate in @xmath90
, we issue queries based on the approach above to get samples at @xmath50 . but instead of starting from select @xmath19 from @xmath4 as the root , the root of each query candidate is the query candidate itself , i.e. , if @xmath117 is select @xmath19 from @xmath4 where @xmath87 & @xmath44 , the root for this query tree is @xmath87 & @xmath44 . based on our definition in section [ hidden database ]
, the candidate starts with extremely broad ( and thus overflowing ) query and the drill - down process narrows the query down by adding randomly selected predicates , until a valid query is reached .
once we have a valid query , we select our sample .
@xcite describes the random walk process in more details .
when selecting a sample , we also compute the probability @xmath118 of this sample being selected in a drill - down .
same sample from different candidates could have different @xmath118 based on the number of drill - down levels performed before selecting the sample . to illustrate this , consider two candidates @xmath119 and @xmath120 , such that @xmath119 is @xmath121 and @xmath120 is @xmath122 .
if both @xmath119 and @xmath120 select the same sample @xmath123 , their probabilities will be different , @xmath124 and @xmath125 respectively ( i.e. , @xmath119 has three drill - down levels while @xmath120 has two drill - down levels ) .
once we select the sample and calculate its probability , we estimate the average price for the candidate and judge whether @xmath45 is an exception or not by the definition in section [ exception ] .
thus , the algorithm is as follow : @xmath5 is total number of candidates in @xmath126 .
@xmath127 is a candidate .
@xmath128 is set of samples corresponding to @xmath127 .
however , a sample which satisfies the selected conditions of several candidates in @xmath90 at the same time can only be used to estimate one of the candidates once by this algorithm .
for example , the sample @xmath129 above can be used for both candidates @xmath119 and @xmath120 , but by the baseline algorithm , it is only used once . when the intersection of two candidates is very big , this is obviously not a good idea . to estimate the aggregates of all candidates over time
, the baseline algorithm treats every candidate on @xmath130 , @xmath131 , @xmath132 , @xmath63 separately .
the estimations are independent with each others
. although it is simple , there are two obvious disadvantages .
firstly , it wastes numerous queries because no information is retained / reused from time to time .
secondly , when there are two candidates having an intersection with each other , it is a waste that the samples in the intersection are only for one estimation as the naive algorithm . in subsections [ stratified - detector ] and [ udometer ] ,
we introduce our stratified - detector and udometer algorithms to address these two problems based on the state - of - art techniques separately . given a query - pool @xmath90 , stratified - detector improves the selectivity of samples for this query - pool .
the @xmath133 @xmath134 technique reduces query cost while minimizing estimation error for a given query - pool , which is proposed in @xcite .
the idea of stratified sampling is to generalize uniform sampling by partitioning the population into multiple strata and samples are selected uniformly from each stratum .
the more ? important ?
the strata is , the more contribution it has on picking samples .
* stratified samplingexample : * let us consider a database @xmath4 that has one attribute @xmath135 and four tuples , such that @xmath136 = \{100 } , @xmath137 = \{150 } , @xmath138 = \{200 } , and @xmath136 = \{250}. let us have the aggregate query @xmath139 = select count(@xmath19 ) from @xmath4 where @xmath140 .
let p(@xmath139 ) defines the population of @xmath139 on @xmath4 as a set of size @xmath141 that contains the value of the aggregated column selected by @xmath139 , or 0 otherwise .
we have p(@xmath139 ) = \{0 , 0 , 1 , 1}. since p(@xmath139 ) has a mix of 1 s and 0 s , it is a nonzero variance , which makes uniform sampling a poor choice for this problem . to have a zero variance , we better partition @xmath4 into two starta \{t1 , t2 } and \{t3 , t4 } , such that p(@xmath139 ) contains now two starta \{0 , 0 } and \{1 , 1 } , with both have zero variance .
nonetheless , if we also have @xmath142 = select count(@xmath19 ) from @xmath4 where @xmath143 , then p@xmath142 = \{0 , 1 , 1 , 1 } ( different than p(@xmath139 ) ) , and each query will have its own population of @xmath4 . so the challenge is to adapt stratified sampling so that it works well for all queries in query - pool . in general , stratified sampling partitions @xmath4 into @xmath144 strata with @xmath145 tuples ( where @xmath146 ) with @xmath147 tuples uniformly sampled from each stratum ( where @xmath148 ) .
the stratified sampling proposed in @xcite discusses how can we be apply stratified sampling effectively in databases .
it consists of three steps ( 1 ) _ stratification _ , to determine the number of strata @xmath144 to partition @xmath4 into and the number tuples from @xmath4 for each stratum , ( 2 ) _ allocation _ , to determine how to divide @xmath149 into @xmath150 across @xmath144 strata , ( 3 ) _ sampling _ , apply random walk to sample @xmath151 tuples from stratum @xmath152 .
when applying the steps above into our problem , we divide the query - pool into starta , such that the number of these starta @xmath153 where for any starta @xmath154 , each @xmath117 selects either @xmath85 tuples in @xmath152 or none .
the number of starta @xmath144 depends on both @xmath4 and @xmath90 ( generally , the total number is upper - bounded by @xmath155 ) . after identifying starta
, stratified sampling algorithm picks samples .
note that the @xmath144 strata must be non - overlapping and mutually exclusive .
however , the above technique is not suitable when the size of query - pool is big ( i.e. , number of starta is large ) .
instead , when the space of one candidate @xmath120 is the subset of another @xmath119 , stratified - detector takes samples separately from @xmath120 and @xmath156 , then merge these two together by stratified sampling to estimate @xmath119 .
here we can get the estimations for both @xmath120 and @xmath119 .
note by applying this technique , we also need to use the probability of @xmath120 to calculate @xmath119 .
further more , if we have another candidate @xmath157 , which @xmath119 is a subset of @xmath157 , we can directly take sample from @xmath158 , and then get the estimation of @xmath157 by the sample of @xmath158 , and the stratified sample of @xmath119 we got previously .
moreover , when a candidate @xmath119 contains more than one longer candidate , we consider the longer candidate with the biggest subspace in term of size ( i.e. , the longer candidate with biggest count ) .
for example , if @xmath119 contains three longer candidates @xmath159 , @xmath160 , and @xmath161 with count of 1000 , 2000 , and 3000 respectively , we use @xmath161 to estimate @xmath119 . to illustrate this stratified sampling ,
let us reconsider @xmath119 and @xmath120 , such that @xmath119 is a two conjunction candidate and @xmath120 is a three conjunction candidate .
note that @xmath120 exists in @xmath119 .
thus , the average price of @xmath119 is @xmath162 where @xmath163 is the average price of @xmath164 and @xmath165 is the average price of @xmath120 . if we select the samples @xmath166 ( level 2 ) and @xmath167 ( level 3 ) to calculate @xmath165 , then + par @xmath168 note that @xmath169 and @xmath170 .
similarly , we can calculate @xmath163 where the only difference is that the @xmath171 becomes @xmath172 ( i.e. , @xmath173 ) .
algorithm [ alg : stratified - detector ] depicts the pseudocode .
@xmath174 is empty in @xmath90 @xmath175 is the set of candidates with length @xmath3 workload .
@xmath127 is a candidate .
the details of the stratified sampling is : for the current candidate @xmath176 , take the @xmath177 that contains the most tuples as @xmath178 . assuming that we have samples already for @xmath179 ,
then take samples from the remaining subspace @xmath180 and then combing them with the sample in @xmath177 .
and then we can have an estimation of the average of the target attribute , @xmath181 .
@xmath182 is the count of tuples that satisfying the selected condition of the candidate @xmath176 .
after we finished the loop of @xmath183 , we can have estimations for all the candidates in @xmath90 .
after repeated on @xmath184 , because we have the estimations for all the candidates on @xmath185 , we can find out which ones are exceptions based on the definition .
however , when the variance of the samples is big , we can not have a good result .
the reason is , when we randomly pick samples for a candidate on @xmath184 , with the big variance , we can not distinguish whether a dramatic change is caused by the sampling or the data itself .
a straightforward solution is to take more than one sample for each candidate in each time interval in order to reduce the variance ( if the change is caused by sampling ) .
the more samples we collect , the more accurate estimations we get . of course , this solution is not practical neither reasonable since we have a limited number of queries to issue . to overcome this problem
, we introduce our udometer algorithm discussed in the next subsection .
even though most of the real - world databases are dynamic ( updated at arbitrary time ) , yet many of these databases do not see frequent updates . and
the fewer changes happen to the database , the few changes the sample will see .
this means that the random walk technique discussed in section [ baseline ] could lead to a significant waste of queries after a period of time since no information is retained / reused
. not only that , but the saving of query cost can be directly translated to more accurate aggregate estimations . in particular , since updating a drill - down may consume fewer queries , the remaining query budget ( after updating all previous drill downs ) can be used to initiate new drill downs , increasing the number of drill downs and thereby reducing the estimation error . to understand how saving query cost reduces estimation error , consider the example mentioned in section [ baseline ] ( figure [ fig : random walk ] ) .
note that each drill down has a unique sequence number of the leaf - level node corresponding to it , which can be uniquely identified this drill down .
we notify this as a @xmath186 , such that at each time interval @xmath187 where @xmath188 , we have a signature set @xmath189 where each @xmath190 defines one drill - down performed .
now , to collect any sample ( from figure 1 ) at @xmath130 , it requires at least 4 queries , i.e. , from root to any leaf node ( a tuple ) .
if no change happens to the database at @xmath131 , we can reach the same leaf node from @xmath130 in only 1 query ( by issuing the valid query from @xmath130 ) .
this means we can save 3 out of 4 queries .
however , we still need to issue one more query over leaf node s parent to determine if it is still the top non - overflowing query .
this reduces the number of drill downs that can be updated at each interval time to at most half of the query budget .
moreover , the estimation produced in different time interval are no longer independent of each other due to the reuse of the same signature set ( of drill - downs ) .
udometer addresses the problem above by reissuing the same sample set from @xmath130 for all time interval @xmath187 where @xmath188 .
although , udometer does not reduce the query cost for generating the query - pool ( as apriori still does it ) . yet , it still minimizes the total query cost by reducing the query cost of the random walk process ( along with reducing the estimation error ) . as for minimizing the total query
cost even further for a given query - pool of aggregate queries , we still need to minimize the query cost of generating candidates . when applying udometer , we divide the problem into two parts based in the time interval : ( 1 ) day one ( i.e. , @xmath130 ) , ( 2 ) day two and beyond @xmath191 . for day one (
i.e. , @xmath130 ) , we apply the stratified - detector as is ( algorithm [ alg : stratified - detector ] ) .
once finished , we will have a sample set for @xmath130 .
now for day two and beyond ( i.e. , @xmath192 ) , we reissue the same sample set from @xmath130 .
note by doing so , each query - pool @xmath90 in @xmath192 is a subspace of the query - pool @xmath193 ( from day one @xmath130 ) .
although the number of candidates that is considered by the udometer may be less than the actual number of candidates for a specific day , the accuracy of our estimations should be higher , which lead to more accurate exceptions .
algorithm [ alg : udometer ] provides the pseudocode for udometer .
@xmath174 is empty in @xmath90 reissuing the same set of samples decreases the variance of the samples and lead to more accurate estimation .
udometer is now able to detect the overall trend of the average price of most candidates ( whether its an increment or decrement ) . yet
, detecting the overall trend is sometimes not enough to detect the exception itself .
two of the main reasons that an exception occurs for a candidate are ( 1 ) sudden drop / rise in price for sizable number of tuples , and ( 2 ) insertion or deletion of new and existing tuples .
when we consider a subspace @xmath178 with the most tuples to estimate @xmath194 , these new or deleted tuples may not have a great impact on @xmath194 to be an exception because of the ratio size of @xmath178 to @xmath194 .
our priority - udometer , which we introduce in the next subsection can handle both events . in the previous sections
, we mentioned that when we applied the stratified - detector , we divided the target candidate @xmath194 into two subspaces @xmath178 and @xmath195 , in which the count of @xmath178 is the biggest among the candidates which are the subspaces of @xmath194 .
it is a straightforward idea because we only need to take a new sample in the smallest space @xmath195 .
however , while this method to divide the space is good to estimate the aggregates like average and sum , it can not achieve a good result for difference operator , like the change of average .
for example , we have two candidates @xmath178 and @xmath196 , @xmath178 is the bigger subspace but the average is almost kept constant , while @xmath196 is slightly smaller than @xmath178 , but the average changes dramatically on @xmath197 , which leads @xmath194 to be an exception . in this situation ,
@xmath196 and @xmath198 is obviously a better partition . on the contrary , if @xmath196 is very small , although the average changes dramatically on @xmath197 , it has little impact on @xmath194 , @xmath196 and @xmath198 can not be a good partition .
thus , we purpose a score function @xmath199 to decide which one is the best partition . the purpose of the score function is to compare the impact of different candidates which are the subspace of the target @xmath194 .
@xmath194 can be impacted by two factors , the size of the subspace @xmath178 , and how much the aggregate changed . the score function on @xmath197 we propose is @xmath200 and we compute the score of each candidate which is a subspace of target @xmath194
, then choose the one with the biggest score as @xmath178 .
* dataset : * we tested our algorithm over a real world ( categorical ) web database ebay.com , specifically cell phones and smartphones category , to which we have full offline access .
the dataset , which we crawled , is for the period from oct 21st , 2015 to nov 20th , 2015 and contains 2,393,361 tuples and 8 attributes .
all tuples that have been crawled offer a `` fixed price '' option while the attribute domain sizes ranges from 4 to 82 .
* challenges : * recall from section [ intro ] that one of the main challenges hidden web databases is the query budget available daily .
even though we have a complete access to the dataset , we still applied same number of query budget provided by ebay.com per - ip and per - developer .
the default query budget per day is 5000 .
however , because of query limitation , our algorithms first use the query budget available for one day as a bootstrapping to generate the query - pool before starting the algorithms the following day . * query - pool : * examining all candidates in a query - pool is very challenging because of the limitation of query budget .
bigger query - pool means less query budget we can spend per candidate .
we tested our four algorithms under 5 different sizes of query - pool ( i.e. , with supported threshold @xmath53 @xmath201 1000 , 2000 , 3000 , 4000 , and 5000 ) . based on our dataset
, this means that we sometimes can only issue two query budget per - candidate , while other times we have the luxury of spending sixteen query budget per - candidate . * releasing @xmath62 : * when we tested the four algorithms , we released the percentage threshold from 15% to 12% .
this is because in some settings , a lot of real exceptions in the dataset have the exact of 15% change that make them hard to detect without releasing @xmath62 .
* algorithms evaluated : * we tested four algorithms presented in this paper : baseline , stratified - detector , udometer , and priority - udometer .
all these four algorithms share the same database - controlled parameter of query budget per day and the parameters @xmath53 , @xmath59 , and @xmath62 that are presented in subsection [ exception ] that define exceptions .
* performance measures : * for estimation accuracy , we measure the percent error ( i.e. , @xmath202 for an estimator @xmath203 of aggregates @xmath204 ) .
we also measure the precision ( i.e. , @xmath205 for an estimator @xmath203 of aggregates @xmath204 ) .
* recall and precision * we start comparing the performance of all four algorithms for the recall under the default setting per - day query budget of 5000 . figure [ fig : recallk ] shows the recall of the four algorithms when @xmath53 = 5000 and 0.01 @xmath206 0.99 .
as shown , both priority - udometer and udometer improve their recall when @xmath3 is larger .
however , when @xmath3 becomes very large both algorithms reach almost 100% recall , and this is because both algorithms can almost download the entire tuples corresponding to its candidate . on the other hand ,
the stratified - detector and baseline do not show any improvement . in figure
[ fig : recalls ] , all algorithms achieve a higher recall with bigger supported threshold .
this is because when the support threshold is large , there are less candidates in the query - pool and each candidate has larger space and sample size . figures [ fig : precisionk ] and [ fig : precisions ] depicts a performance comparison between the four algorithms in terms of precision . in figure
[ fig : precisionk ] , the impact of @xmath3 for both priority - udometer and udometer is small .
and with larger @xmath53 the gap between these two algorithms is small .
the precision for these two algorithms is not affected by the drill - downs .
this is because when support threshold is large , each candidate has bigger sample size to spend . on the other hand ,
the gap between these two algorithms and the other two ( stratified - sampler and baseline ) is very big .
figure [ fig : recallp ] shows that the change threshold does not have a big impact on the recall . and with larger @xmath3 and @xmath53 , there is barely a gap between priority - udometer and udometer .
so the change threshold nearly does not lead to any difference between these two algorithms . as for stratified - detector and baseline
, their recall seems to improve when @xmath59 is large .
however , and as shown in figure [ fig : precisionp ] , the precision for both algorithms seems to improve when @xmath59 is smaller .
in contrast , figures [ fig : recallqb ] and [ fig : precisionqb ] reflect how query limitation has big impact on both recall and precision .
the recall and drops from 95% for larger query budget to close to 55% in worst case for priority - udometer ( or 35% for udometer ) .
moreover , the precision also drops from 95% to 40% for both algorithms . when @xmath207 we can only spend two query budget per - candidate to estimate its average price and judge whether it is an exception or not .
thus , we get low recall and precision . overall , the priority - udometer have higher recall and precision than udometer .
* score function vs. highest count : * figure [ fig : recallscorefk ] , and [ fig : recallscorefs ] depict the recall measurement of @xmath128 that used in priority - udometer comparing with taking highest count in udometer when we choose subspace .
these figures take into consideration only the candidates that contain longer conjunction ( i.e. , candidates with subspaces ) .
no matter what the @xmath3 or support threshold are , the score function always give better prediction comparing with taking just the highest count .
thus , priority - udometer is more accurate for candidates with subspaces .
moreover , figures [ fig : precisionscorefk ] and [ fig : precisionscorefs ] compare the precision under both @xmath3 and @xmath53 .
similar to the recall , the priority - udometer in general gives more accurate precision .
finally , figure [ fig : trend ] depicts how priority - udometer detects the overall trend for candidates , even when it incorrectly judges whether a candidate is an exception or not .
the figure shows how the average price of phones with gray color drops sufficiently on nov 20th to be an exception ( i.e. , which priority - udometer detected correctly ) .
* crawling and extraction for hidden databases : * there has been a number of prior work in crawling and extracting hidden databases content .
this crawling requires understanding of query interfaces which was extensively studied ( e.g. , @xcite ) . even though crawling the entire database ( e.g. , @xcite ) could lead us to find all exceptions , it still unreasonable solution for this particular problem as we not only need to crawl the database one time but also for all time interval ( e.g. , every day ! ) .
moreover , because of query limitations forced on hidden databases , we can not enumerate all the selection conditions to check whether each of them is an exception or not .
* aggregate estimations over hidden web databases : * aggregate estimations over hidden web databases has been investigated over time for both static and dynamic databases .
both types use efficient techniques to obtain random samples from hidden web databases described in @xcite . unlike this paper ,
all prior work focuses on answering estimation with one select condition .
but in this problem , estimating each select condition separately waste a lot of queries , where a sample could be used for one or more select conditions
. * approximate answers for aggregate queries : * decision support applications and data mining applications execute aggregate queries over very large databases to obtain important and useful information .
existing work ( e.g. , @xcite ) introduced an efficient approach using a stratified sampling technique to optimize scalability and resources when providing approximate answers for a given workload of queries .
unlike their workload where tuples have probability of occurrence given as an input , our workload has no knowledge about the distribution function specified by the workload .
moreover , the workloads we consider do not have to be fixed nor similar and the size of these workloads could be very large , which make their optimal stratification technique unsuitable for this particular problem . other work ( e.g. , @xcite )
focuses only on a specific type of query ( i.e. , join - queries ) for approximate query answering . * data discovery and exploration : * detecting anomalies on very large data , such as data cubes and data warehouses , is very important to detect problem areas or new opportunities .
most of existing work ( e.g. , @xcite ) focuses on traditional multidimensional databases where a full access to these databases is a must .
other work ( e.g. , @xcite ) discusses detecting meaningful changes over hierarchically structured data , such as nested object data , while @xcite presents a single operator on olap products to summarize reasons for drops or increases observed at an aggregated level .
moreover , detecting changes for large scale data using sampling has been discussed ( e.g. , @xcite ) .
in this paper , we have developed a novel technique for tracking and discovering exceptions over dynamic hidden web databases , which change over time through its restrictive web search interface . in general , our technique consists of two main phases : ( 1 ) generating a query - pool that contains all query candidates , and ( 2 ) finding all exceptions ( in terms of sudden changes of aggregates ) from this query - pool .
we developed a stratified sampling technique along with query reissuing to guide the process of finding exceptions .
we presented a comprehensive set of experiments that demonstrate the superiority of our approach over the baseline solutions on real - world datasets .
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Maylandia or Metriaclima is a genus of haplochromine cichlids endemic to Lake Malawi in East Africa. They belong to the mbuna rock-dwelling haplochromines.
All species in this genus are relatively small fishes, less than in length. Like most Lake Malawi cichlids, exhibit brood care via maternal mouthbrooding. Numerous members of the genus are traded as aquarium fish. They are attractive because they are brightly colored and often very sexually dimorphic; like other cichlids they are not suited for beginners and for most companion tanks.
Name
The name Maylandia, honours the cichlid enthusiast and author about aquaria Hans Joachim Mayland, who died in 2004, was proposed as a subgenus of Pseudotropheus in 1984, naming the long-known but undescribed Ice Blue Zebra as the type species.
In 1997 Stauffer et al. described the genus Metriaclima, dismissing the pre-existing Maylandia on the assumption that it lacked a type species and a diagnosis. Two years later Condé and Géry published an analysis and declared Metriaclima to be a junior synonym of Maylandia, and Maylandia hence the valid name of the genus, a view accepted by most ichthyologists.
A few authors, notably Ad Konings, dispute that the original description of Maylandia is sufficient to establish and maintain the genus. They maintain that Maylandia is a nomen nudum literally, a naked name that does not validly refer to a group of animals as per the rules of the International Code of Zoological Nomenclature.
In the present article, following FishBase, Catalog of Fishes and the IUCN, the genus name Maylandia is used.
Species
There are currently 30 recognized species in this genus:
Maylandia aurora W. E. Burgess, 1976
Maylandia barlowi McKaye & Stauffer, 1986
Maylandia benetos Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia callainos Stauffer & Hert, 1992 Cobalt Zebra, Cobalt Blue Mbuna
Maylandia chrysomallos Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia cyneusmarginatus Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia emmiltos Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia estherae Konings, 1995 Red Zebra Mbuna,Red Zebra, Esther Grant's Zebra
Maylandia fainzilberi Staeck, 1976
Maylandia flavicauda Li, Konings & Stauffer 2016
Maylandia flavifemina Konings & Stauffer, 2006
Maylandia glaucos Ciccotta, Konings & Stauffer, 2011
Maylandia greshakei M. K. Meyer & W. Förster, 1984 William's Mbuna,Ice Blue Zebra Mbuna,Ice Blue Zebra
Maylandia hajomaylandi M. K. Meyer & Schartl, 1984
Maylandia heteropicta Staeck, 1980
Maylandia koningsi Stauffer 2018
Maylandia lanisticola W. E. Burgess, 1976
Maylandia livingstonii Boulenger, 1899
Maylandia lombardoi W. E. Burgess, 1977 Kennyi Mbuna, Kenyi Mbuna, Lombardoi Mbuna
Maylandia lundoensis Stauffer, K. E. Black & Konings, 2013
Maylandia mbenjii Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia midomo Stauffer, K. E. Black & Konings, 2013
Maylandia mossambica Ciccotta, Konings & Stauffer, 2011
Maylandia nigrodorsalis Stauffer, K. E. Black & Konings, 2013
Maylandia nkhunguensis Ciccotta, Konings & Stauffer, 2011
Maylandia pambazuko Stauffer, K. E. Black & Konings, 2013
Maylandia phaeos Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia pulpican Tawil, 2002
Maylandia pyrsonotos Stauffer, Bowers, Kellogg & McKaye, 1997
Maylandia sciasma Ciccotta, Konings & Stauffer, 2011
Maylandia tarakiki Stauffer, K. E. Black & Konings, 2013
Maylandia xanstomachus Stauffer & Boltz, 1989
Maylandia xanthos Ciccotta, Konings & Stauffer, 2011
Maylandia zebra Boulenger, 1899 Zebra Mbuna
Footnotes
References
2010: . Maylandia or Metriaclima the case for Metriaclima. eggspots no. 4: 39-45.
2007: New Metriaclima described. Pract. Fishkeeping. Retrieved 2009-OCT-03.
1999: Maylandia Meyer et Foerster, 1984, un nom générique disponible Teleostei, Perciformes, Cichlidae [Maylandia Meyer and Foerster, 1984, an available generic name]. Revue Française d'Aquariologie et de Herpetologie 26:1-2 21-22.
[2009]: Maylandia species. Retrieved 2009-OCT-03.
2009: 2009 IUCN Red List of Threatened Species. Version 2009.1. Retrieved 2009-SEP-20.
1998: Maylandia oder Metriaclima [Maylandia or Metriaclima]? Die Aquarien- und Terrarienzeitschrift 51: 813 [in German].
2001: Malawi Cichlids in their natural habitat 3rd ed. Cichlid Press, USA.
2005: Maylandia or Metriaclima, ...again!. Retrieved 2007-MAR-02.
2006: Revised diagnosis of Metriaclima Teleostei: Cichlidae with description of a new species from Lake Malawi National Park, Africa. Ichthyological Exploration of Freshwaters 17: 233-246. PDF abstract and first page
1984: Un nouveau Pseudotropheus du lac Malawi avec des remarques sur le complexe Pseudotropheus-Melanochromis Pisces, Perciformes, Cichlidae [A new Pseudotropheus from Lake Malawi and remarks on the Pseudotropheus-Melanochromis complex]. Revue Française d'Aquariologie et de Herpetologie 10: 107-112 [in French]. HTML fulltext of genus description.
2002: Maylandia, Metriaclima, or Pseudotropheus?. Version of 2002-JAN-07. Retrieved 2009-OCT-03.
2003: Validity and availability of Maylandia The technical details. Version of 2003-JAN-08. Retrieved 2009-OCT-03.
2009: Checklist of the Mbuna Species Flock. Version of 2009-APR-24. Retrieved 2009-OCT-03.
2009: . Maylandia or Metriaclima still a matter of debate?. eggspots no. 2: 5-15.
1998: Von Roloffia roloffi und Maylandia hajomaylandi [On Roloffia roloffi and Maylandia hajomaylandi]. Die Aquarien- und Terrarienzeitschrift 51: 812-813 [in German].
1997: A revision of the blue-black Pseudotropheus zebra Teleostei: Cichlidae complex from Lake Malawi, Africa, with a description of a new genus and ten new species. Proceedings of the Academy of Natural Sciences of Philadelphia 148: 189-230. Abstract and first page image
Category:Fish of Africa
Category:Haplochromini
Category:Cichlid genera | wikipedia |
Patlabor 1. Chapter 1
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters from the Patlabor movies or TV series, I'm just borrowing them for awhile. This story also takes place after movie 2, and may contain spoilers for that film.
Patlabor: Rebuilding
"All right," Shinobu Nagumo, captain of Police Special Vehicle Section 2, Division 1 addressed her team, "we're having a tech team from Shinohara Heavy Industries in to go over the Labors. I expect full cooperation from the staff and officers."
"Yes sir," was chorused back, the men and women saluting.
Shinobu smiled slightly, her black hair neatly tied back. "The techs will be familiar to some of you," she added, "give them a warm welcome." With that she headed back to her office, smiling as she noticed her friend lingering within.
Kiichi Goto smiled slightly, the almost sleepy looking captain of Division 2 sitting casually at his desk. "You know," Goto noted, "I'm almost looking forward to seeing them."
"I never thought either of them would leave," Shinobu noted.
"For a bird to fly, it must first leave the nest," Goto noted. He paused, "I understand they've done pretty well, too."
"I'm glad for them," Shinobu noted as she sat down at her desk.
"Personally though, they've not done so well," Goto added.
Shinobu looked at him with barely concealed amusement. "I still find it surprising how much you keep informed," she noted.
"They are my people," Goto noted, "I keep an eye on them."
"Hmm," Shinobu murmured, turning to her paperwork once more. Treacherously, the thought teased the corner of her mind, 'I wonder what it'll be like, seeing her again?'
"So, who do you think the techs are?" One of the maintenance men asked their chief as they worked on one of the massive Labors, "Officers who moved on to the technical side?"
"Maybe," Shigeo Shiba pushed up his cap, the chief shrugging as he sat back on the gantry leaning up against the Labor's mid-section, "but hopefully they'll know what..." He trailed off as a jeep arrived and a young woman climbed out.
"What?" the young man blinked at his boss.
"Noa!" Shigeo cried out as he clambered down the ladder and ran across the hanger and over to her side.
Noa Izumi laughed as the taller man hugged her, other old timers gathering around to exchange greetings. "It's good to see you," the redish brown haired woman said, dressed in a simple white and black jump suit.
"Damn, you're the one working for Shinohara Heavy Industries?" Shiego asked, looking down at her in surprise.
"Hey, I'm pretty good at this stuff," Noa said as she took a offical id badge out of her pocket and clipped it to her clothes. She dropped her voice, "Heard about Ohta?"
"Instructor at the police academy," Shiego nodded, "I'm sure they'll be turning out lots of little Ohtas any day now."
"And isn't THAT a scary thought," Noa agreed. She smiled, "Hate to cut this short, but I should check in."
"Want to bet he knows you're coming," Shiego nodded as he stepped aside.
Noa smiled wryly as she went by, "I'm not that foolish."
Noa found herself retracing her steps up to that office by memory, moving through the buildings with the ease of old familiarity. She hesitated at the door a moment then knocked firmly, comforted by the old wood beneath her knuckles.
"Come," Goto called and Noa entered, looking around before fixing her eyes on her old captain. Goto hadn't changed much, still a thin man in a orange and white uniform shirt and blue pants, his eyes half closed and face largely unmarked by age.
"Noa Izumi, reporting," Noa smiled slightly as she threw a picture perfect salute.
Goto chuckled softly, "No need to do that."
"It's good to see you, sir," Noa said with a smile, hugging the man and actually getting a startled look from his normally calm face.
Shinobu fought back a chuckle, watching as Noa pulled back from the taller man. "It's nice to see you've done so well," she noted.
"Ma'am," Noa nodded to her respectfully, "I'm doing all right."
Shinobu felt a surprising quiver within her at meeting the younger woman's eyes, a unusual falling sensation. Deciding it might be safer to stick to business she said, "So, what can we expect from you?"
"With the rest of my team we'll be examining the labors mechanical systems and how they relate to the new operating system," Noa said, "as well as confirming reports from your own pilots and mechanics."
"Fascinating," Goto noted blandly.
"I get the fun job," Noa's eyes twinkled, "in addition to supervising many of the tech boys I'll be test piloting the Labors."
"Will Asuma be assisting you?" Shinobu felt compelled to ask.
"No," Noa hesitated a moment, "we don't work together anymore, not since we broke up." Her cellphone rang out into the silence, "Excuse me."
"Well, well," Goto murmured so softly only Shinobu could hear.
Noa closed up her phone, "Looks like my team's arrived, I'd better get to work." She bowed slightly, "Excuse me."
"Good luck," Goto nodded as she headed out.
Shinobu frowned, "I'm sorry to hear about her and Asuma."
"Me, too," Goto conceded, "though maybe it's for the best."
"Oh?" Shinobu gave him a look but Goto just smiled.
Over the next few days Shinobu found herself working closely with Noa, possibly more closely than when they served together as officers and quickly found herself coming to certain conclusions. Firstly, Noa was as capable in her own way as Shinobu, she was just less obvious about it. Secondly, Noa easily commanded the respect of her crew, despite her informality, rather unlike Shinobu. Three... well. Three, Noa was even cuter than she had been when Shinobu first noticed her, years ago.
Blushing faintly Shinobu made herself confront that thought. Despite romantically sparring with Goto for years, not to mention the abortive fling with a married man years ago, she still found herself feeling uncomfortably drawn to Noa. In fact, if she was going to be honest, she had been attracted to the boyish young woman way back then, too.
"So," Goto calmly asked her once she was done confessing to him, "what are you going to do about it now?"
"You're taking this awfully well," Shinobu noted.
"I know you pretty well," Goto noted, "and we're friends. I'd like to see you happier, if that's possible."
"Thanks," Shinobu smiled slightly.
"So, are you going to ask her out?" Goto asked.
"WHAT?" Shinobu blurted.
To be continued...
2. Chapter 2
Patlabor: Rebuilding
Part Two
Noa Izumi smiled as the redish brown haired woman walked from Labor to Labor, her teams crawling all over them as they worked away. "Hey," she raised her voice a bit as a tech banged a panel by accident with his wrench, "treat the Labors with respect."
"Sorry, ma'am," the boy called back sheepishly.
Shigeo Shiba smiled slightly, peering out from his ever present cap. "Must be odd," he said quietly to Noa, "to be called ma'am now."
"It does take some getting used to," Noa conceded. 'Of course,' she silently added, 'a lot of things in my life are taking time to get used to.'
Being back here at Police Special Vehicle Section 2 again after being at Shinohara Heavy Industries was very odd, especially following her break up with Asuna. She found herself buried in memories both good and bad, reminded of old companions and current friends. Even odder, she found herself paying attention to one person in particular.
Stealing a glance up to the catwalk circling the hanger Noa again gazed at Shinobu Nagumo and felt that odd, nervous feeling in the bottom of her gut. It wasn't an entirely comfortable sensation, and it made her wonder what Shinobu might be thinking about as she watched them working away.
"Worried about screwing up in front of the captain?" Shigeo guessed with a frightening degree of perceptiveness.
Noa scratched the back of her head nervously as she agreed, "Wouldn't you be?" A deep breath, "She's one of the best."
Shigeo looked up with a smile, "And here she comes now." Making sure his cap was straight he ambled off, "Excuse me."
Noa stiffened a bit, then took a relaxing breath as Shinobu descended the stairs with a undeniable grace. She filled out her uniform like a model, the older woman drawing admiring glances from everyone in the room, including Noa.
"How are things progressing?" Shinobu asked as she took up a place by Noa, her subtle flagrance drifting over to tease Noa's nose.
'She smells nice,' Noa found herself noting distractedly. "Fist checks are done," she reported, almost like they had in the old days, "and we're making a few adjustments based on your pilot's reports."
"Right on schedule," Shinobu nodded to Noa approvingly as she added, "good job."
Noa nearly wiggled in pleasure at the casually given compliment. 'God, I can't believe she can still do this to me,' she thought, thinking of how she had responded to Shinobu's authority in the old days. "Next up is piloted tests," she kept her voice even with effort, "though we wont be able to start till tomorrow."
Shinobu looked down at the shorter Noa, the expression on her face oddly unreadable. "I'm interested in hearing the details of the new upgrade," she calmly noted, "would you have time to discuss it?"
Noa nodded, "Of course." She mentally went over her tasks remaining, "It'd probably have to be later today, though."
"How about over dinner?" Shinobu offered, a faint smile teasing her lips.
Noa blinked, looking up into Shinobu's eyes and feeling her heart skip a beat. Yet the taller woman's expression was still mostly unreadable as Noa struggled to form a coherent response. "That'd be great," she managed to get out.
"It'll have to be here as my Division is on call," Shinobu frowned slightly, "but I believe I can manage something nice. Seven o'clock good?"
"Yes ma'am," Noa nodded happily.
'Oh my,' Noa though as a rare thought zinged into her brain, 'what am I going to wear?' While she was certain this wasn't anything like a date, being asked to eat with Shinobu was important, and all she had with her were her work jumpsuit. 'I'll have to ask around,' she thought, 'see what I can borrow, maybe.'
The day passed in a odd combination of agonizing slowness and busy rushing as Noa did her work, fine tuning Labors while also beg, borrowing and stealing items she could possibly make into a outfit. By the end of the day she had black pants, a matching vest and white shirt, a passable costume if she did say so herself.
Walking through the hanger Noa was surprised to hear her name called, then blinked as her former captain appeared. "Sir?" Noa asked.
"Shinobu has taken over the office," Goto said, the oddly sleepy looking captain of Division 2 smiling slightly, "you'll be eating up there."
"Thank you, sir," Noa bowed slightly.
Goto casually waved that off, "Glad to help. You two have fun now." With that he wandered off, whistling softly.
'What was that about?' Noa wondered as she headed for the stairs up to the office he and Shinobu shared.
Reaching the door Noa knocked, then heard Shinobu call, "Come in."
Pushing the door open Noa entered the office, her eyes widening a bit as she took in the scene. The desk Shinobu used had been cleared and several covered dishes awaited, along with two plates. A tablecloth, candles and subdued lighting made it look almost like a scene from some romantic movie.
"Ah, hi," Noa managed, suddenly feeling very glad that she had scrounged together some nice looking clothes.
Shinobu had changed from her uniform to a simple black dress, but on her it looked like high fashion. Cut low in the front it hugged her breasts like a lover, slid down her fit body and stopped just high enough to be daring. In short, she looked stunning.
"The takeout the boys got is still hot," Shinobu said briskly, but her eyes lingered on the boyishly dressed Noa, "we'd better get started."
"Right," Noa croaked, then cleared her throat. 'I never knew Shinobu could be this sexy,' she thought to herself weakly.
The food was delicious, and surprisingly the conversation flowed easily as well. Shinobu guided them easily from a professional discussion of the Labor upgrade to entertainment and other topics, all with such skill it wasn't obvious she was going it.
"Here, have some more sake," Shinobu poured with obvious skill.
Noa took it while stealing a glance into Shinobu's eyes. "Thank you," she said after taking a drink.
"Pardon if I'm prying," Shinobu met her eyes as she took a drink, "but what happened between you and Asuna? I would have thought you'd be a perfect match."
Noa sighed softly, stirring the food on her plate. "So did I," she admitted, "but it turns out we had very different ideas of the role I'd play in our lives."
"How so?" Shinobu asked gently.
"He wanted a house wife," Noa said wryly, "and I had no intention of giving up my job." She smiled slightly, "Still, I think we parted on good terms. I only punched him once."
Shinobu had to fight back a snort of laughter even as Noa grinned. Giving in and laughing she asked, "Seriously?"
"Yup," Noa smirked. She took another drink, "How about you? Do you have any romantic follies to talk about?"
"No," Shinobu shook her head, "sorry to say."
Noa hesitated, "I always though you and the captain might..."
Shinobu chuckled softly at that. "Goto is a very good friend, but he's too good of a friend to be a lover, if you know what I mean," she explained.
"The Labor team would be shocked to hear that," Noa confessed, "they've got a betting pool on when you'll get together."
To be continued...
End file.
| fanfiction |
Convert .car file PBC to basis vectors?
I have a `.car` file that contains dimensions (periodic boundary conditions) for the unit-cell of a hexagonal crystal material I'm working with:
`PBC 27.1979 27.1979 15.4999 90.0000 90.0000 120.0000 (P1)`
That's the a, b, c lengths and $\alpha$, $\beta$, $\gamma$ angles.
I need to convert this information into basis vectors in cartesian space, e.g.
`basis1 27.1979 ? 0.0
basis2 0.0 27.1979 0.0
basis3 0.0 0.0 15.4999`
This may be better suited as a math question but it's computational-chemistry specific.
I found the way to convert the hexagonal parameters:
I have a,b,c and $\alpha$, $\beta$, $\gamma$. The solution in basis vectors is:
```
basis1 = (a, 0, 0)
basis2 = (xy, yx, 0)
basis3 = (xz, yz, c)
```
where
\begin{align}
xy &= b\cdot\cos(\gamma)\\
yx &= b\cdot\sin(\gamma)\\
xz &= c\cdot\cos(\beta)\\
yz &= \frac{b\cdot c\cdot \cos(\alpha) - xy \cdot xz}{\sqrt{b^2 - xy^2}}\\
\end{align}
Thus my solution was:
```
basis1 = (27.1979, 0, 0 )
basis2 = (-13.5990, 23.5541, 0 )
basis3 = (0, 0, 15.499)
```
| stackexchange/chemistry |
Rudolf Wels 28 April 1882, in Osek near Rokycany, western Bohemia - 8 March 1944, in KZ Auschwitz was a Czech architect active in western Bohemia and in Prague.
Rudolf Wels worked in the Karlovy Vary region and also Prague. He designed glass for the Moser company and a designed film sets including for the film Hej Rup! aka Heave ho!.
Wels was one of the most outstanding inter-war architects in Czechoslovakia. He studied at the Vienna Academy with Friedrich Ohmann. In Vienna he also attended courses given by Adolf Loos, who was to have a crucial influence on his future creative activity. From the early 1920s, Rudolf Wels worked in Karlovy Vary, where, in the period 1921-1922 he worked for the celebrated glass manufacturer Moser, refurbishing existing buildings and designing new ones. He also designed several sets of glasses for that company, as well as artistically-decorated vases, which received awards at the International Exposition of Modern Industrial and Decorative Arts held in Paris in 1925.
In 1923 he designed the Miners Building at Falkenau now Sokolov, where, a year later he was responsible for the design of two schools and other buildings. Among his many projects in Karlovy Vary, the most successful are the Health Insurance Building now Polyclinic on Náměstí Milady Horáková, the Bellevue spa hotel and the now demolished 6th Spa Pavilion. In the 1930s Rudolf Wels moved to Prague, where he opened a design studio jointly with the architect Guido Lagus. In 1934 Wels and Lagus were responsible for the art direction of four feature films, and in the subsequent years they designed a number of luxury apartment buildings.
In 1939, Rudolf Wels transcribed the memoirs of his father Šimon né Wedeles and added an afterword. The manuscript was published fifty years later as U BernátůAt the Bernards.
In 1942, Rudolf Wels was interned with his wife Ida and son Martin at Terezín, from where they were sent to the Auschwitz concentration camp the following year. All three died when 7000 remaining inmates of the family camp were killed in the gas chambers in July 1944.
External links
http://www.zapad.cz/fotos/2006/09/2734b_medium.jpg - plaque from Rudolf Wels
Category:1882 births
Category:1944 deaths
Category:20th-century Czech people
Category:20th-century Czech architects
Category:Czech expatriates in Austria
Category:Theresienstadt Ghetto prisoners
Category:Czech people who died in Auschwitz concentration camp
Category:People from Rokycany District
Category:Czechoslovak civilians killed in World War II | wikipedia |
Sonic the Hedgehog The Real Truth
**A/N: Basically, the following story is SonBlaze and AntiSonAmy.
If you don't like such fics, then don't read this!**
* * *
One fine, warm summer's evening, a jolly pink hedgehog skipped merrily down a gravelled path with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her emerald eyes.
As she joyfully made her way to a certain blue hedgehog's home to surprise him, she thought of all the wonderful things they would do together once they were married.
Of course, they would go on dates all the time. Watch films, eat at charming cafes, go dancing or running, bowling, roller skating, ice skating, Crazy golfing, visit theme parks, go to concerts, or maybe just getting ice cream together...
They would hug and kiss, and when they were older, they would have little Sonics of their own…
They'd vanquish Eggman and his robots and live in peace, and everything would be just perfect!
Amy Rose was still daydreaming about her 'certain' future alongside her love as she reached the top of the hill near his home. Although it was quite far away, she could see the house in the distance. It was small, practically a cottage. The golden poppy coloured walls were dappled with the dim light of the setting sun that shone through the trees that surrounded it, and the red clay roof tiles completed the quaint look.
With the house still far on the horizon, Amy dusted off her dress; if Sonic saw her coming, he would see the Amy she wanted him to see! She would be perfect, just like him.
Thinking about Sonic and all they'd been through, Amy wondered why Sonic still pretended he didn't like her; after all, it wasn't as if Eggman would kidnap her to use against him; he did that anyway!
Maybe Sonic was afraid of his feelings. That would explain why he was always running away, after all. It wasn't to get away from her; it was to get away from his feelings towards her! He really did care, and Amy was going to make him admit it. Afterwards, they would live happily ever after, like the beautiful princess and the handsome prince always did…
Pondering this, Amy did not realize how much ground she was covering, and soon found herself within feet of the door to her future with her favourite blue hedgehog. After dusting herself off again, just to make sure, the girl confidently rapped her knuckles against the small wooden door. She swayed on the spot, biting her tongue, as she impatiently waited for her knight in shining armour to open the door and finally allow her a place in his life other than 'rabid fangirl'.
When no answer came after about a minute, Amy tentatively knocked again; maybe he just hadn't heard the door? Surely he wasn't avoiding her!
Once again, there was no sign of the door being answered, so Amy tiptoed inconspicuously to the nearest window. The lights weren't on.
Amy shook her head in disappointment; she was so hoping to see Sonic. But she should have known that he wouldn't be in. He hardly ever was.
Sonic had the type of lifestyle that wasn't suited to staying in a house all day, and while that was part of his charm; the adventure and excitement, it didn't really suit any practical purpose. Not from Amy's current viewpoint, anyway. Just for once, couldn't the perfect fairytale come true?
Sighing dejectedly, Amy started strolling back up the path, when she saw a familiar figure appear on the horizon.
Sonic!
Amy shrieked in glee and started running towards him, overjoyed that he had arrived. Now he could finally have a chance to confess his true feelings towards her!
A few moments later, Amy stopped, staring at the horizon; another figure had appeared beside Sonic. It was about the same height, though that may have been due to the three spikes on its head. Sonic and the mysterious figure were both running, and whoever that creature was, their feet seemed to glow red, almost as if they were on fire. Sonic wasn't running at his usual speed. Was he... waiting for the other figure?
When they had covered more ground, Amy could see the other figure was a purple cat. A purple _female_ cat.
Was Sonic... running with her? Sonic never went running with others! If you were running with Sonic as a form of leisure, you were practically dating!
But that wasn't likely; Sonic only had eyes for Amy. She was sure.
Maybe this cat girl had done something to Sonic! And now she was chasing him!
Amy thought about going to comfront them, but decided against it. If this stranger had done something to Sonic to decrease his speed, they could be dangerous! She would spy on them instead.
Doubling back, Amy quickly dove behind one of the trunks of the large trees and caught her breath. She closed her eyes, hoping Sonic and the cat didn't see her. It wasn't long before she could hear their footfalls on the gravelled path. Although Sonic's feet weren't moving as fast as Amy was used to while he was running, the crunching of the gravel was still a constant sound, not punctuated by the lifting of his feet. The cat was also moving terrifically fast. Faster than Amy could ever hope to run.
In a few moments, the pair was just outside the small garden. Amy was waiting for their goodbye, but instead heard Sonic say something that made her heart sink.
"So, come on in, and I'll get you a glass of milk."
"Contrary to popular belief, not all cats are obsessed with milk. I'm insulted that you would judge me in such a stereotypical manner."
Sonic laughed her comment off.
"Hey, I was kidding! Seriously though, come in."
"I would be delighted. As long as you don't have any other guests; you know how shy I am."
"Of course. And don't worry, I asked my friends not to visit today. We're completely alone, your highness."
When the pair had entered the house and shut the door, Amy peeked around the tree.
What was Sonic doing? He hadn't asked for her not to come! In fact, he hadn't spoken to her at all...
Amy shook her head, trying to dispel the sinking feeling that the cat had caused. She silently crept over to the window and peered in.
Sonic and the purple cat were sitting on the sofa. _She_ was looking uncomfortable, as though she wasn't used to relaxing. Sonic was lounging back, chatting animatedly.
Unable to hear what they were saying, Amy thought it would be best if she just interrupted. She walked to the front door and was about to knock when she realised that it wasn't locked. That suited her fine; she could still spy on them.
Quickly creeping through the dully furnished house, she leant against the wall next to the living room. Thankfully, the door was open.
"Blaze, I still can't believe you're back! How did you get through the space time continuum?"
Space-time continuum? What was that? What was Sonic talking about?
Peering in through the small opening, Amy could see the cat's back, and saw Sonic lean forward in interest.
"It was my cousin, Balm. She's a genius. She realised how much I missed this place, how much I missed _you_, and came up with this." Blaze held out her wrist, on which lay an ornate bracelet. The band was made from intricately woven strands of a pink metal, upon which lay many small purple stones, each one evenly spaced.
Sonic shuffled closer and took Blaze's hand, looking incredulously at the beautiful bracelet.
"Blaze, are these pieces of one of the Sol Emeralds?"
"Yes..." Blaze gazed down at the bracelet fondly. "Fourteen evenly sized and shaped pieces of a Sol Emerald. My cousin knew that the Sol Emeralds had great power. Enough to distort space and time, even. So she broke the Emerald into twenty-eight even pieces and made two bracelets from them and seven strands of Tumnium, an ancient substance hewn from the Mountains of Alsania. It had always been rumoured to have mystical powers, and it seems that we were right. One of these bracelets she gave to me, the other she placed in the royal city's temple of Gaia, there to remain indefinitely. The two share a common bond in the Sol Emerald, and so can always be brought together, wherever they are. By using them both together, a hole to a different dimension can be opened, and if you activate one by itself, a doorway leading directly to the other opens. It's truly remarkable, the power in the Sol Emeralds. No wonder Eggman wanted them."
Amy's eye twitched. So, this Blaze girl was from another dimension, eh?
Well why couldn't she stay there instead of coming here to steal her Sonniku?
The whole story about the magical bracelets sounded far too convenient, in her opinion.
"Whoa, Blaze, this is amazing! But what about the Kingdom; won't something bad happen with the Emerald in pieces like this?"
"That's the beauty of it, Sonic. Having been placed in the Temple of Gaia, the pieces will always stay safe and energised!"
"But what about your people; won't they miss their princess?"
"I can go back and visit anytime, due to my ability to warp between dimensions."
Sonic took Blaze's other hand.
"So they can see you, and we can always see each other..."
"Yes. We promised we'd see each other again."
Blaze and Sonic embraced each other tightly.
Amy's eyes seemed to burn with anger. What was with this girl? And why were she and Sonic hugging?
"I missed you so much, Sonic." the purple cat sighed as she pulled away.
Sonic put a gloved hand to her cheek, smiling the way he always did.
"I missed you too, Blaze. But smile, okay? We're together now."
Slowly, Sonic leaned in to kiss the feline.
Suddenly, Blaze shrieked as a large hammer came into contact with her face, before falling to the floor in a dead faint with a furious pink hedgehog standing over her, looking murderous.
Sonic quickly rushed over to Blaze and shook her gently to try and rouse her, before standing and shouting at Amy.
"What the heck did you do that for, you idiot!? You could have killed her!"
Amy fumed.
"She tried to kiss you! NO ONE KISSES MY SONIKKU! NO ONE!"
"Amy, you're totally mad! Why shouldn't I kiss her?! I don't belong to you! I'm not reserved for perfect little Amy Rose, you know! I don't love you, Amy!"
Time seemed to stop.
Amy felt like she'd been punched in the stomach by Knuckles. She felt... completely empty.
It felt as though her chest was being completely constricted, like she couldn't even draw breath.
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Sonic... didn't love her? He would rather be with this _feline_ than her? Surely not! Surely they were meant to be? Sonic the Hedgehog and Amy Rose, together forever; the perfect couple.
Her heart... it was as though it had been torn in two.
As she looked at Sonic, his face livid, standing over the purple cat who'd pushed her love for Sonic aside, she saw the truth.
Sonic didn't need her.
He never had.
In shock, Amy let her Piko Piko Hammer slip from her fingers, and it bounced a few times before settling on the beige carpet.
She could feel the barrage of tears welling up behind her empty green eyes, and she turned and fled.
As she stepped out of the front door, the low sun almost blinded her half closed eyes, almost causing her to trip, but Amy righted herself and kept on running.
As she ran as fast as her booted legs could carry her, Sonic's words echoed around her head.
'Blaze...'
'What the heck did you do that for...'
'Idiot...'
'Totally mad...'
'Perfect little Amy Rose...'
'I don't love you, Amy!'
Something within her broke, and she fell to her hands and knees, wailing desperately.
"Sonic... Why? What makes her so special? I love you more than she ever could... I thought we were..."
She smacked the ground desperately, and winced as the small bits of gravel hurt her hands.
She was nothing but an annoying little girl.
Sonic didn't love her.
He loved Blaze.
So the handsome hero and the perfect princess were reunited and would live happily ever after. The fairy tale Amy had always dreamed of had become reality.
But it wasn't her fairy tale.
It wasn't her happy ending.
* * *
**A/N: Gosh, that was a terrible ending, but I had no idea how to end it!
If you're a SonAmy supporter all ready to flame, then feel free, but remember I am a SonAmy supporter too, I just wanted to try something different; prove I'm flexible as a writer.
New Year, new ideas!**
**Please review, no matter your viewpoint on SonAmy and SonBlaze. I want to know about my writing ability too!**
**Happy New Year, everybody!
xX**
**Oh yes, Tumnium and Alsanium are indeed references to The Chronicles of Narnia. Such great books. And films!**
End file.
| fanfiction |
What is the dipole moment direction of an aliphatic amine, i.e., R-NH2?
Since the electron donating property of $\ce{N}$ and $\ce{C}$ is different, there is partial charge transfer between $\ce{N}$ and $\ce{C}$ atoms in aliphatic amines, namely $\ce{R-NH2}$. What is the charge transfer direction? Can the following be true? And how large is this dipole moment?
More generally, how can one determine both the direction and quantity of the charge transfer dipole moment given two common organic groups? Or what is the order of electron donating property of common groups?
I really do not see an easy and straight forward way of determining the dipole moment's direction and quantity. It is very much dependent on how the molecule is currently shaped, i.e. rotations of the alkyl chain and also the electron cloud. Of course you could go ahead and calculate the dipole moment from tabulated values of certain bonds ([for example](http://www.nist.gov/data/nsrds/NSRDS-NBS-10.pdf)), but this can be really tedious and it might now be always right.
You can probably find tabulated values for most common compounds online. Try <http://cccbdb.nist.gov/> or maybe just google will do. If you are lucky enough to have access, the handbook of chemistry and physics has a large number of values. There is an [online verison](http://www.hbcpnetbase.com/), but you can often find it in libraries, too.
For the meantime, I will try to illustrate something. In the series $\ce{R-NH2}$ the simplest one is $\ce{R~=~H}$, ammonia. Here the dipole moment is straight forward isn't it? I believe it is a little more complicated than that. Unfortunately you cannot just take the charges of the atoms in the molecule, since they are not point charges. Have a look at the total electron density, you will notice, that the isosurface is more extended on top of the Nitrogen, which is expectable, since it is the area where the lone pair is supposed to be. This also coincides with the highest occupied molecular orbital (HOMO). In this special case, the dipole moment is almost a direct correlation of that. (If you would add up all dipole moments of all occupied molecular orbitals, you will also obtain the total dipole moment.)
Below you see an isosurface of the total electron density in blue on the left, the isosurface of the homo in the middle and natural charges with the resulting dipole moment on the right. The values are taken from a DF-BP86/def2-TZVPP calculation with Gaussian09.
What we can learn from this is, that the lone pair has a huge effect on the dipole moment.
Let's go a bit further and look at $\ce{R~=~CH3}$, methyl amine. It can be expected, that the dipole moment is somewhat smaller than in ammonia, due to the methyl group. What you can also observe, that it is dependent on how the methyl group is rotated. Of course in room temperature, the group is freely rotatable and it will result in a mean (pulsating) value for the dipole moment. However, what you can observe here is, that the direction of the dipole moment is aligned with the direction of the lone pair. As you go further down the series this generally will hold, However, the magnitude will be decreasing since your "quite unpolar" moiety is becoming bigger.
For ethyl amine, $\ce{R~=~C2H5}$, the trend holds. But to not extend this answer too much, I only pick one representative amongst all possible conformations.
And for propyl amine, $\ce{R~=~(CH2)2CH3}$, we can observe it analogously, with decreasing magnitude of the dipole moment.
As the last example I have chosen heptanyl amine, $\ce{R~=~(CH2)6CH3}$, to example the trend. I removed some of the charges to not overcrowd the image. If you have a close look at the HOMO, you will notice, that it only significantly extends to the first carbon. The situation for any aliphatic amine can be expected to be very similar.
(I have no idea, why the vector for the dipole got bigger and bigger, while the magnitude was decreasing.)
**TL;DR:**
The dipole moment in aliphatic amines is about 1 Debye and the direction is through the nitrogen directed to the lone pair.
Since the nitrogen atom is more electronegative than the carbon atom it is bonded to, at least in the case of a simple aliphatic amine, I would venture to say the direction of the dipole will be with a slight negative charge toward nitrogen. The amine nitrogen has nonbonding electrons on it, but the adjacent carbon is saturated and cannot accept the lone pair electrons on the nitrogen, and thus nitrogen in this example will not have a partial positive charge. However, if R is aromatic, the situation will be different.
| stackexchange/chemistry |
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