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I will never stand up ever again. | {
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Please give one example of a person who can't spend one hour with their children each day. | {
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That is so infuriating. $169.00 to delete a freaking text file? What a bunch of assholes.
Frankly, you should report this up the chain, or better yet, contact The Consumerist.
EDIT: The random Reddit winds have blown in my favor for this comment. I don't consider it my best. I don't think it's the most insightful thing I've ever posted, but I'm absolutely floored by the response! | {
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Wells, it's fake. What else can you do? | {
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Why do people keep CCing me on things that have nothin to do with me?
Edit: I guess I should thank the kind stranger for gold! I am so very shocked! Up till this point my top comment post was only like 60 upvotes! | {
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$9.5M a year for a guy playing football is "...a perfectly reasonable contract." Okay.
Edit: I'm just trying to put this in perspective for you zombies. I love football. I love the Patriots. Use your pea brains for a minute and maybe you'll get my point. | {
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**H**alf-life **T**hree **C**anceled | {
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I agreed. But I also downvoted.
Just to hurt you. | {
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> Platon
Platon:
1% tutor
99% hot gas
| {
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Not to be insensitive, but [here are a couple thousand similar accounts](http://www.nderf.org/NDERF_NDEs.htm) indicating a continued consciousness.
And [here's the science](http://www.nderf.org/vonlommel_consciousness.htm) - long, worthwhile read
tl;dr is in the conclusion
mmmmm, that's some good denial going on down there...classic | {
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Felt like 15, but it was actually on the 2nd day | {
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I assume you mean the PS4/Xbox One launch, because this definitely didn't happen on last-gen at launch.
...-126 points in 1 day, that's a new record! I guess I really struck a nerve! | {
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That's really the Carolinas' fault for being unoriginal. | {
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At this point, if you honestly think srd isn't a downvote brigade you are blind. | {
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Same. I was fingering her and thought, "You know, this would be way better if I was holding a dick right now." | {
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or just stop the dramatic bullshit and grow a brain | {
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Leave your girlfriend, marry glorious boob girl. | {
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> Holy crap ~~that's~~ gorgeous.
*thats*
FIFY. Learn to use apostrophe's properly. | {
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Now that's a solid joke. | {
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I did. But at this point who gives a fuck if they cheated. Bradys the best QB in NFL history. | {
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She becomes the jet-pack! | {
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Please go back to work, Pizza Hut employee #3422398, I'm getting hungry. | {
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I'd remake the homemade porn I made with my wife. Christ, my ass looks huge and full of cottage cheese. I'd re-cast me with Affleck. | {
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LOLOLELELL WERE IS DA NSFW TAG!!! LOL IM BROWSIEN REDIT AT WROK BOSS CANT SE OR I GET TORUBLE!!!!
LE CHECK OUT LE [RAGE COMIC] (http://i.imgur.com/sRhPF.png) | {
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No shit! My boss did this to me last week.
Him: Hey. Come with me.
*silent walk to the coffee room which is on the way to his office*
*stop in coffee room*
*hands me cup of coffee*
Him: Taste that. It's the best damn coffee I've ever made.
JEEZUS! Scare the shit out of me! | {
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I honestly believe everyone else is taking a few fish way too seriously | {
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Lol Crystal is not doing laundry | {
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What? Way to completely miss the point of my simile. No, it wasn't the bus driver's idea. But he does not deserve any accolades or respect for what he did, even if it was part of his job. "Just following the orders" is not a virtue. | {
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> Unless they hope Allah himself is going to come down and get involved.
I'm pretty sure they're banking on this. | {
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Wouldnt you? Its funny as shit. | {
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Are you this guy?
http://i.imgur.com/Tk7AS.png | {
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You enjoy it after 300 hours because you are brain dead. My dead dog would be bored of this joke of a game by now. | {
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Oooh! That's a good one.
Bill Hicks, The Prophet Mohammed, The Prophet Mohammed's Handler, Kanye East, Lizzie Borden, Andy Kaufman, and Amber Tamblyn, Tyrese, and Mark Spits.
With food provided by Big Kev's Bar-b-que. | {
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i dont know if that is real, it looks like it is from a movie or something, plus abusing women is not cool, i would never even think about hurting a woman,t hat's just disrespectful and bad, he will be very sad he made that decision to harm that woman, but at the same time she shouldn't be sleeping in class and leraning in class, you know? | {
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Question for all the Americans reading this. Isn't it common knowledge we (people in europe) all speak English**?**
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i was reading through the comments feeling for you but now you lost my respect | {
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I love these sorts of jokes.
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?" The horse says "As an anthropomorphic horse, I fit in neither with humans nor my own kind, and have thus lived a life of loneliness." | {
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Because, out of context, it doesn't ruin anything. | {
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Splicing two wires together is not electrical engineering. I laughed when he said this. | {
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I hope they shot your dog for being evil. | {
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LOL it was like he forgot it was snowing while he was going to make tea and it surprised him again. | {
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Enough for my living expenses, though it is only a fraction of the amount doctors make, despite the fact that many of their patients do not get better while at least 95% of mine do. It's strange how the world works! | {
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OMG I didn't know you could haggle at Chuck e cheese....this could have changed everything | {
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Considering hot tubs house SHITLOADS of bacteria that's really fucking dirty. | {
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You would too if you got hit in the head as hard as she did. | {
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Oh well, its evolution in action. Survival of the fittest. | {
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"Um, I, uh, uh, ok wait just let me think about--uh, ok hold on I need to--ugh fine ok, ok yes, god dammit, yes. 6:15 it is." | {
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Thanks for proving the image I have in my head of all foreign WWE fans being hateful, bigoted idiots true. I bet you think Rusev is a face too you nincompoop. | {
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0/10
Would not exchange embassies again | {
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I used to have faith in humanity, but then I took an arrow to the knee! | {
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You get to see lots of roaches and some lovely stuff with the blacklight...also bedbugs. | {
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Cool story bro
edit: not gonna delete this. A captain stays with the ship.
edit: OMG FRONT PAGE...wait..
edit: my favorite color is orange.
edit: instead of just downvoting me, you could at least leave a random fact about yourself while you downvote me. | {
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I bet it sounded like a cellblock lockdown too. | {
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Pfft, please. Atheists do the 'We're so persecuted' bullshit too. | {
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Plot twist: she's actually awake and has been keeping you happy all these years. | {
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haha double whoosh. Totally tricked you! | {
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Have you seen any of the later Halloweens? He was shot 18 times in H2O alone. (just being a smart ass) | {
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Not the show, the books. | {
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Or they might play Music Videos again...nah | {
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Stop reading scanlations then. All you're being is a leech then and a hypocrite. Authors can't eat admiration and lip service.
Wow. Ya'll are awesome. Stay classy. | {
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My wife made the mistake of saying on facebook that she thought many newborn babies looked like old men. From the reaction of new parents, you would think she'd joined ISIS. For the record, I think she is right. | {
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>you're about to fuck it up, son.
He's gonna fuck it up? Come on, this is all about getting motivated.
EDIT: I thought this was a subreddit about getting motivated. Alas, sometimes, one's opinion is only shared by 1/3 people. | {
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I imagine his spelling and grammar was better when he said it, though. | {
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you? you can go fuck yourself. | {
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As your doctor, it is my obligation to remind you that neither crap, nor crackers, are suitable foods while on a ketogenic diet.
Just kidding. No problem, amiga. Hope you feel better soon! | {
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what a stupid statement, how should developers/publishers earn money then ? renting/trading games is arguably even more damaging than pirating is.
edit: is it really turning out in to another /r/gaming circlejerk again ? | {
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What if you're tied to a can of beans? | {
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Oh noes, a joke that's been said before but people still kinda like on a new pic? How terrible!
Teh internets is serious business. Especially /r/adviceanimals. | {
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Of course, everyone knows that MILF Backdoor Bangs 4,5,6 comprises the original trilogy, while 1,2,3 were prequels. | {
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"I'm just going to pretend I've visited the 'entire Iran' for imaginary internet points."
Pathetic. Just pathetic. I created this album to battle ignorance, but it seems like Westerners prefer to remain ignorant. | {
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he certainly was. that man was more badass than i'll ever be. i could tell stories about him all day.
he had a massive heart attack in the early 80's. doctors gave him 6 months to live, and he celebrated 23 awesome years after that just to prove those bastards wrong. | {
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You sound so much like a loser. | {
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JUSTIN BEIBER IS NOW COOL. | {
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Downvote if you agree that Steve Nash is overrated.
edit: spelling | {
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No shit? Bummer push harder. | {
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DUDE fucking 3 kids stay at home mom, 4 hours of sleep, feels like shit most of the time not usually thinking blow jobs. When you are home all day wiping other peoples anus' and breaking up kids fights you tell me how much you are going to want to suck on a penis when you finally get a quiet moment | {
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"Einstein failed math" - Abraham Lincoln
He couldn't tell a lie, after all. | {
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I know, this was a social experiment. | {
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(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
flip the fucking table and pray to the law of averages | {
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And this is why I love reddit | {
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The freedom you get with PC is one of my favorite things about it.
[NO LIMITS](http://a.pomf.se/xtoqil.webm)
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not everyone is the same you know. and just cause it didn't happen once doesn't mean it cant happen another time.
Your jokes are bad and you should feel bad. | {
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But seriously, put that shit in a folder. Disorganized desktops are a travesty. | {
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Assume you're including Villa in this category | {
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Or just because we're home. | {
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You got me there man you are so goddam wise. | {
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not many people know this but if you go deep enough there is a natural sharpener down there. | {
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She didn't say "Fuck off"...wtf? She kindly let the dude down by saying she didn't want to go at all, not saying she didnt want to go with OP specifically. Just because someone doesn't want to hang out with you doesn't make them a shitty person. | {
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"Well, he didn't mind the sampler so he must be ready for this...."
*pushes out log*
"Enjoy baby" | {
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Please stop greentexting massive walls of text.
EDIT: Apparently I made butts sore. I meant, green-text is for quick shit. Putting that much text in grentext is odd, not to mention it actually pushes lines together and looks bad. Sorry for causing such sore bottoms. | {
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as an art/art history student they are also quite good, i can burn the pages separately to keep warm while i never have a job | {
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Dogg I can squat 200 and deadlift 300, come at me you fuckin' mallo cup eating queer | {
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The best are where they looked shocked and horrified for a moment, before starting to laugh.
Also, thank fuck for the Internet. If you can't mime along to a popular song with a complete stranger dancing in clothes meant for the opposite sex here, then where the hell else can you? | {
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Did you read what he actually said? Atheists aren't smart enough to invent their own god. The implication being that all deities are mere inventions. He threw a bone to Atheists right there, but you guys are too small-minded and butthurt to accept it. | {
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Radio 100% does this, you aren't crazy. Although sometimes they will slow songs down as well to fill time when necessary. | {
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It's that male on female rape is extraordinarily more common than female on male rape.
Is anyone really dumb enough to think "you can rape drunk girls as long as you get drunk too you will be legally protected" is a good idea?
It's VERY EASY to lie and say you were drunk. If you allow this defense to work it will be used in 100% of all rapes. | {
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Even better: go on vacation in Europe. | {
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yeh, lul, suck on that, religion! /sarxasm
edit: Jesus Christ, people, I was kidding. Also, my phone's keyboard kinda sucks, so virtually all my posts are misspelled. Not correcting it though. The reddit mob has spoken. | {
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Bought some once at the self checkout. They're in a security box though so needed someone to open it. No big deal except there were no staff about. Had to wave the security guard over who felt the need to say "at least you're being safe". Just don't use words man, let me buy my things and be done. | {
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Because they dont feel right when theyre dry or r bombing?
EDIT: Im no good with advice i guess
Welcome to Oblivion how may i take your order? | {
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