I'd *really* like to buy into the ideas of understanding and patience even for those who hurt us. However my concern is that sometimes failing to engage in the tit-for-tat teaches that there are no consequences. Two different examples:

1) If a diplomat is expelled, should the other side expel also?

2) In a post divorce situation, if one side initiates legal action should the other side withhold previously allowed concessions? 

It's not clear to me how one can avoid engaging in retribution in some cases.