My girlfriend of two years has an 11-yearold son who is completely out of hand. She and I both are at our wits end trying to help him or figure out his behavior or correct it. Today she got our fourth phone call in two weeks from school. 

The problems with his behavior are:

* outbursts
* talking back
* refusal to do school work (both at school and at home)
* violence
* yelling/screaming

If you can name the misbehavior he probably does it... he had been like this since I've known him and my understanding from her is this has pretty much always been an issue. My first thought was that there was a lack of discipline, but I don't really think that's it. Other then the fact that my girlfriend gives up after she tells him to do something fifteen times and he does not. In her defense she is a very tiny, petite woman and he is as big as her and quite honestly doesn't respect her or anyone else for that matter. 

We have tried everything - punishments including taking away video games, TV, cell phone, made him stand in the corner, grounded him to his room. We've also tried medical interventions. He was on ADHD medicine which didn't seem to help, wet got him into counseling and they switched him to an antidepressant because they said ADHD wasn't the problem. I forget exactly the name they gave it, but basically he is angry all the time, wakes up that way, goes to bed that way had a smart ass attitude, back talking, and complete disrespect all day long. 

If it was up to me I would say acceptance but he is like that with literally everyone. I have to control myself on a daily basis not to take him across my knee and give a good ol' fashion spanking, and if I honestly thought that would help I would but think we are beyond that. 

After being in trouble this week for putting his hands on another kid yet again he will probably be suspended from school. His mother can't handle him. I can't handle him. Counseling doesn't seem to be helping him, mainly because he thinks the counselor is wrong by telling him he had to listen to the adults, I charge. 

Any ideas would help. I don't believe in giving up on a kid but I don't know what else to do. We have tried everything, even risk/reward stuff the counselor had suggested. He is the only kid I know who you can take him places and give him things he wants and he will still be mad at the world and if someone else is having a good time, he tries to ruin it for everyone older it'd seems. He is truly troubled in done way and nothing we do makes it any better.