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ZSvedic

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humor-chains

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[ { "from": "human", "value": "People say the Abominable Snowman isn't real...\nYeti exists." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "But the Bible says he is going to hell. He is an abomination." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Obi wan and anakin walk into a brothel..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Master, I'm sure the council said we should travel to the *Wars*." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I’m okay with smoking, alcohol and marijuana, but cocaine is where I draw the line." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "The **humans** find this **funny** because sometimes **words** can mean **two things**.\n\n**Conclusion**: *This is a celebration of a flawed language.*" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Do you know the worst part about rhetorical questions?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Antici...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n...\n\n..." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I got a vasectomy because I was looking forward to not having any more kids but when I got home, they were still there." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I Child-Proofed my house but they still get in." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Subreddit of the Month [November 2022] r/rentnerzeigenaufdinge/. Know of a small, humor-based subreddit that deserves a month in the spotlight? Link it inside!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "r/GermanHumor" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "If you want to setup a company and run it then that’s your business." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Thank you for posting an actual one-liner!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "In order to have a murder of crows, there must be probable caws.\n​" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "You should post this to r/dadjokes, they'll love it. Oh wait" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "For those of you with feelings of paranoia that you are being watched: I want you to know that you are not alone." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "You absolute motherfucker." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I don't get the big deal about measuring systems. Metric or imperial. Both are good\nAnyway, I got a new garage, 12 wildebeest skulls high and 70 goldfish long." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Geeze you give some people a furlong, they take a parsec" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Am I the asshole reddit ?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "No. You're the ear." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Being a lesbian vegetarian, people are always calling me a hummusexual\nI was also toying with vagitarian.." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Pescatarian not vegetarian if you still eat fish..." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "My daughter forgot what an \"English muffin\" was called.\nShe's asked for an \"American biscuit\". \n \nThis is not a joke. It actually happened." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "She’d have got an Oreo in our house then." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "When I told my wife our neighbor died she said 'Who, Ray?' and I said honey we shouldn't celebrate these things." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I share a lot of one liners with a friend and was about to send this to her... the I realized that her brother Ray died last year. Umm, never mind." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Without nipples, breasts are pointless" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "In this case, we really can’t milk it for all its worth." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "In Soviet Russia troops withdraw forward" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "One steps backwards..7000 step forwards" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The pen is mightier than the knife..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Yeah the sword got fired, sorry about that. Some bitch wrote on it and it broke down" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "The only thing I kill for is..." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Dead bodies" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I threw a ball for my dog tonight which is a bit extravagant but he looks awesome in a tuxedo." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Have you held balls for any other animals?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Would like to share my oneliner about the tropical birds who got stuck together, but it's toucan fusing." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "One can, but it's campbells." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Shampoo for my real friends; real poo for my sham friends." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Boy was I disappointed when everyone else turned up wearing pants to bottomless brunch" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Hakuna Mimosa!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I got in trouble for bringing a goat to take your kid to work day." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "My mother raised 15 kids, but that's the life of a goat farmers wife." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "This subreddit is deader than" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Trump's social media reach" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Ima be 💯 percent transparent with you bruh" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I am a window." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "\"Dead or alive, you're coming with me\" is a great movie quote but a terrible pickup line." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Depends on your tastes." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "What's purple and angry?" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Barney when the cameras are off" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Yesterday I saw a book called \"How to solve 50% of your problems\" so I bought 2." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "but it only halves your current problems,\n\nyou still have 25% left?" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "If there was a saggy boob competition, my wife would beat everyone, in fact, she'd wipe the floor with them." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Utilised use of the comma to avoid the /r/twoliner police." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Cows have hooves instead of feet because they lactose." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Ha ha." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "A good pun is it’s own reword." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Great oneliner BUT it's its, not it's." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "An opinion without 3.14 is just an onion" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Turn it off and you have an excited atom ;)" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "When life gives you writer's block," }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "How to procrastinate: \n\n1. ​" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "People are often shocked when they realize how bad of an electrician I am." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "All reviewers are smoking hot." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "What's the most popular blood type in Taiwan?\nTaipei." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Don't Be Negative." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "\"I'm gonna be frank with you.\"" }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "And you can be David Baddiel." } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "What did the hat say to the tie?\nYou hang around here and I'll go on a head." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I'm gonna fuck you in the ass!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "I was thinking about the simplest way to shave my face when I discovered Occam's Razor." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Nice" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Erotic is using a feather, kinky is using the whole chicken." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Terry pratchett" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "If anyone wants to come and talk about why my stuff keeps getting stolen, the door is always open." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I really love this one!" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "You'd be jolly too, if you had a list of all the naughty girls and where they live." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Yule be jolly too*" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "With great reflexes comes great response ability." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Uncle Ben......? That you??" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "Every sentence is a sexual innuendo if you think long and hard about it." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "Innuendo? He he... Inyourendo" } ]

[ { "from": "human", "value": "You might describe an inspired cow as mootivated." }, { "from": "gpt", "value": "I’ve never herd that before." } ]