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t3_10eeii | relationships | My boyfriend [23] and I [f19] getting in stupid fights. I feel like I'm losing myself. Is this normal? | My boyfriend [23] and I [f19] have been dating for 4 months now. I've noticed that we have been fighting about stupid things and when we do it tends to always be MY fault and I end up being the who apologizes. Just now I was on the phone with him and I was heading to the library before class. I told him I was going to go inside so I had to go because I didn't want to be on the phone. I'm wearing the earrings he bought me yesterday so he told me I should take a picture and send it to him. I didn't see what the point of this was or why he couldn't wait until later so I said no. I wasn't going to just stand in the library and take pictures of myself. He then started to get irritated which got me irritated just because I didn't want to take a picture. I don't think it's not understandable why I wouldn't want to. I finally just agreed to do it and said I had to go because I was in the library. He hung up all frustrated. I ended up apologizing and saying it was my fault (this happens almost every time we fight) and how I was sorry. I have a big presentation in an hour and I couldn't afford to be upset and lose my focus. He said for me to "just finish listening before you rush to hang up" and a few minutes later he said "are you ever going to send me the picture?"
I just feel like he gets mad at me over the most stupid things. I don't think I was being unreasonable for not wanting to take a picture and for wanting to not be on the phone while in the library. Every time something like this happens it always tents to be my fault. I feel like I'm losing myself sometimes because I don't think I've done anything wrong. I have to give in an apologize every time when I don't want to do something he wants me to which doesn't seem right. | My boyfriend gets mad over stupid things and I end up having to apologize in the end when I haven't done anything wrong. |
t3_zf1y8 | AskReddit | Pet owners of Reddit; I just witnessed my cat open our metal screen door with his two paws and bring in a mouse he pounced on earlier. What feats can your pet do/did that astounded you? | So there I was, playing some TF2 when I heard a loud crash. I got up from my MvM match on Mannworks and went to see if my cat's been causing trouble.
It had fell off the table on the front balcony in an attempt to jump at the mouse that was on the railing. A few seconds after gaining his bearings, he managed to get it the second time around and assimilating it using a combination of both his teeth and claws.
Needless to say, he wanted to show me his prized kill. He got his two paws through a small opening and pushed with all his brute force and managed to slide the metal screen door across enough for a child to fit through. | Charlie kills Jerry, opens a door and dumps it near my feet (hopefully he didn't expect me to eat it) |
t3_13565j | personalfinance | Am I f$&!ed? Work Health Insurance | I don't know if anyone here can help. My problem doest seem quite right for /r/insurance or even /r/law.
I am a contractor and my company pays me xx per hour. They offer health benefits and I am "eligible for a Health and Welfare (H&W) fringe payment of $3.50 per hour. This payment will...be reduced by the company cost of any benefits you elect..." (from my offer letter)
My husband has excellent insurance so I waived coverage through my company and chose to remain on his. As we are in an enrollment period, I am comparing benefits again and weighing his insurance v my own.
My company does direct deposit and it makes obtaining pay statements a little bit arduous so, frankly, I don't bother unless there is a problem. I looked at some today and noticed a line item for H&W. I haven't confirmed with them what this is for as I do have a 401k with them. But, if they have been paying me for health insurance I declined, do I have to pay it back? If so, I can't do it at once but could give them a payroll deduction but would that mean I am just screwed on paying tax for money I will have to repay in a new tax year? | My employer *might* be paying me for health insurance I declined. Do I have to pay it back and what are the tax implications? |
t3_37ius0 | relationships | Me [20M/F] with my Ex [25M] of 6 months, he is slowing re-infiltrating my life and I'm not sure what to do about it. | Hi Reddit, it's me again. A few months ago, I wrote about my ex-boyfriend and the advice was almost unanimously to leave him (Some people seemed to think I was making it up. I'm not, that's just dumb). I left in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner with his shitty family and I've only seen him twice since. Once was when I went with my friend to go get my things from his place, and the other was when I saw him while touring the University I'll be attending for my Master's program. I have been riding a solid high since I left him, everything in my life was (and still is) quite amazing so please don't think I'm hung up on him.
The current problem: He seems to have infiltrated the current group of people I'm friends with. I dumped a lot of the mutual friends we had on the advice of my therapist because they kept trying to plead his case. I also ended up deleting all of my social media as a result of the constant barrage of 'subtle' invitations to dinner and lunch where I might have come in contact with him. He seems to have a lot of friends also attending this school and has weaseled an invite to the cohort's first potluck and I'm not sure how to bow out gracefully without putting my business out there. He apparently took the hostess out on a date to our favourite Indian place in Baltimore which I will admit felt like a blow to the gut. He also has been regaling her with stories of his crazy sjw ex who hit his sister and cussed his family members out. I feel really uncomfortable and I'm not sure what to do about any of it, any advice? | Fratboy ex is back in the peripherals of my life, dating someone in my MA program. How do I bow out of a social event he will be attending |
t3_17w0nn | AskReddit | What do you do after your house has been broken into and the police say they can't do anything to help you? What kind of actions did you take after to safeguard your house? | My parents home was broken into today. It's the 2nd time in 2 years and i'm guessing it's the same people but we really don't have anything good to steal. What can you do in these cases? I live in a white bread neighborhood that is considered affluent in northern California, more specifically in the east bay. I haven't heard other people's houses getting broken into so i'm just not sure what's going on.
I just am really angry and want to find these fuckers somehow and bring some real justice. The last time this happened, the police came, we filed the report, then they told us that's it. They probably won't catch the guy based on the information given and they won't dust for prints or anything because it's just too minor. I'm pretty sure that's what will happen again this time. However this time, it was just my mom living there and they literally kicked down the front door. I'm not sure if they were casing the place or what but if my mom was still in the house i'm sure shit would not have been good. | House got broken into twice in two years, not a shitty neighborhood, police say it is what it is and they can't do anything. What do you do, if anything? |
t3_3gteer | relationships | Me (22F) and my SO (31M) have been fighting a lot lately and I am at a loss of what to do. | So to begin with we have only been together about four months but as we approach the four month mark he's growing away from me.
About a month into our relationship I opened up to him about how when I first moved out to where I am I was...well...I was a slut. I slept with a lot of people (like five...) and that I did cheat on my last boyfriend. I wanted to have an open relationship because I don't want to be that person anymore. I was lost and depressed. I had just moved 3000 miles to escape a horrible relationship.
I thought I could open up to him because he was this sweet amazing asshole (contradicting I know but that's him) and since then the sweetness is completely gone. We don't get intimate unless I ask. We fight constantly and he just disappears for hours at a time but he always has to know my whereabouts and everything but doesn't let me know anything about him. Is it even worth it to try and fix this? | dating a sweet asshole who I opened up to about my past and he's shutting me out four months in. Is it worth it? |
t3_3ln2q1 | relationships | Me [23 M] with my SO [21F] of almost 3 years, I still find myself thinking of a past crush/high school best friend. | Been with SO for almost 3 years, for the most part a positive experience. I really care for her.
I have known this other girl since junior high (8-9 years), had a little fling in High school, but didn't talk for a while (she's been in and out of the country). She contacted me out of the blue around the time my current SO and I started dating seriously and wanted to catch up over lunch. It was a really good conversation, and I felt really good about continuing a friendship with her (originally we both wanted to meet periodically for lunch or something). SO wasn't happy we got together and I cut off contact with her.
I haven't talked to her since, but I think about her a lot. Sometimes it's just out of curiosity of what she's up to, of what could have been, what could be. It's a range of feelings and it varies.
I feel bad about it sometimes because I really care about the girl I'm with now, and I know I should really just move on and forget her. At the same time though, if she came out of nowhere tomorrow and asked me to be with her (or even just friends), I'd have a very hard time saying no. Something about her, or the idea of her, is almost irresistible.
I'm really not sure how to processes it all. | In serious relationship of 3 years, but continue to have thoughts of old flame/friend. Not sure what to do/think of this. |
t3_1gradp | legaladvice | Question re: Contempt in Child Support Case [CA] | I have a child visitation and support case in California. The visitation is going somewhat well, but the noncustodial parent refuses to pay child support.
Department of Child Support Services (DCSS) sent a wage assignment to his employer and the employer would not respond (or take phone calls from DCSS), even after multiple requests were sent. In March, he said his bank account was levied, but I think his tax returns were intercepted. From mutual friends, I've heard that he actually moves his money from his bank account so that DCSS cannot levy. The last payment sent to me was for $5.33!
A couple people I've spoken to have said I should file contempt of court paperwork against him, which I have considered. | Noncustodial parent and his employer refuse to pay child support. About $2,500 in arrears in support, another $2,000 for half of daycare expenses (both court ordered). |
t3_2bwhrg | loseit | I've lost 30 pounds so far thanks to this subreddit, but I've been stuck at my current weight for way too long now, need advice. GW: 185 | Hey guys,
So my starting weight was around 256. I started trying to lose weight in the summer of 2013, got to around 248 by the time i started law school in the fall. Miraculous I was actually able to lose weight during my first year, mostly due to a better diet, and working out anywhere from 2-5 times a week and was around 230 by the end of my first year in April, since its the summer now I started ramping things up cause I have more free time, I saw a sudden spike in weight loss but since around early june i've been consistently stuck in 223-227 range. Despite eating healthier (that last month of school (april) I was just eating out all the time cause I didn't have time, and I cut out a lot of soda compared to what I drank during the school year).
I do the eliptical for about 60 minutes, 5 days a week, usually burn around 800 calories each time. I try to be sure I get at least 300 minutes a week on it.
I lift, about twice a week, I'm kinda clueless as to what I'm doing there, I spend my time in the machines, a couple for the chest, arms, legs etc, its not following a strict program but it's better than nothing.
I tried taking a week off, 2 weeks ago, and I still haven't noticed any difference, I just put on a pound or two, if I take more time off I'm just gonna gain more weight. | Went from 256 to 220s, have been stuck in 223-227 for two months now, don't know what to do differently. |
t3_mpmsf | dating_advice | Should I keep going? | I guess recently will suffice for a starting point.
There is a girl from work, she is 16 and I am 18. Recently, I found her phone number on her Facebook and started to text her with no thoughts of a relationship at all since she is with a guy, let's call him John. We started texting, oh, about 3 months ago.
Anyway, as we started to text we found out that there is plenty common between us. We started to become best friends, that's where we are right now. But, as we became best friends, she started talking to me about her relationship problems with John.
Turns out that he pretty much treats her like crap, but doesn't hit her or anything like that. He is pretty much a total asshole and she told me "I could have so much better, just like you."
This is around the time that I found that she wants a relationship with me. She tells me all the time how much she likes me. And well, I have (within the past month) started to like her back, increasingly more and more each day. But she feels that she can't leave John (even after he has been texting 3-4 other girls about having sex.) because she, in my terms, owes him something, but in her eyes "loves" him too much.
What do I do? Do I keep going for her, but let her figure who she wants more or do I just consider her a lost cause and move on? | Started Texting her. She starts liking me, and I start liking her. She can't emotionally leave current boyfriend though for me. What do? |
t3_ovrpk | AskReddit | Would appreciate help with a subleasing apartment issue! | I live in an apartment with 3 other girls, 1 of whom wants to move out in April, because she is graduating early. Our lease ends August 31 so she wants to find a sublet to take over her rent for the months that she isn't here, so that she doesn't have to pay while she isn't living here. She has put up some ads, and the only replies she has gotten back are by people that the other 2 girls and I do not really approve of. She is getting frustrated, because we said no to the 2 people she has found, and she is also pressuring us to choose the people we would rather not live with by making us feel guilty. She told us today that she tried to buy her way out of the lease. Didn't work. **Can anyone tell me if there is a way she could completely screw us over (meaning she leaves and doesn't pay and we end up having to pay her rent)?** All four of our names are on the lease. She cannot sublet to anyone without our knowledge because she requires our signatures to do so. She basically threatened us today by stating some random thing about small claims court which was fairly unclear to me, so I just want to have my bases covered with possible crap she could pull. Any help would be appreciated. | Roommate wants to sublet, can't find a subleaser, is there any way she could screw the other roommates and me over? |
t3_5087bu | legaladvice | [Kansas] Small Claims Aftermath | So, I came up on the losing end of a small claims case. The judgement itself was incorrect if I'm to be honest, but due to a harassing judge who refused to admit any of the research I had done to defend myself by asking "are you an attorney?" and when I replied that I was not she stated "well then, stop watching TV shows" and would move on, ignoring me. (Not that its really relevant at this point since I can't afford to hire an attorney to file an appeal, but it was comforting to know that the KS Bar association is already investigating this judge for misconduct based on reports of other citizens and attorneys who have appeared before her).
Simple situation is the judgement is for roughly $1900. I have filled out the debtors statement of assets as directed by the court. I offered the plaintiff a settlement of $400 for a full satisfaction of judgement, as this is the approximate price for an en prose chapter 7 bankruptcy in Kansas (filing fees and credit counseling classes). The plaintiff is a convicted felon with a history of alcohol abuse and violent tendencies (he has had several fights in bars, and was investigated for multiple rape cases. he even admitted to raping one girl to myself and another person.) The plaintiff "countered" knowing my dismal financial situation with an offer of $1600 in 7 days, then after being informed that was obviously impossible has requested $200/mo in a rather forceful email. Essentially, how much is he as a "creditor" allowed to harass me knowing the numbers he are providing are impossible to meet? I also worry how far he will go in an attempt to satisfy his judgement. I have told no one but direct family where I moved to recently, and park the vehicle I borrow to drive in an alley. Simply put, I would not put it past this individual to break into to take or damage items thinking the judgement gives him rights to anything even close to me no matter regulations regarding garnishments and seizures intended to satisfy a court judgement. I also worry that since my "creditors" have to be notified of the beginning of the bankruptcy process, that the court may essentially provide an angry unstable person with a violent criminal past my address. | Plaintiff is making settlement and payment offers he knows are impossible with my finances. Plaintiff is a terrifying criminal. Can I safely file bankruptcy or anything else with the court without him finding my new address and putting myself at risk for harm? |
t3_3yh698 | relationships | Me [22M] with my gf [21F] of 2 months thinks there is no problem with grinding with guys at club | She's telling me that relationships are about genuinely caring about each other, which is different from a bit of sexual tension that is present when grinding happens in clubs. To her, grinding is something fun that takes place isolated and does not affect the relationship. And she says she has no intent to get the guy's attention or follow up on the grinding. So she sees no problem doing it personally, but since it hurts me and makes me uncomfortable, she said she won't do it if it bothers me. Is this something I should be concerned about? I don't grind on other girls when I'm in a relationship. | Gf thinks grinding isn't an action that affects the relationship, I don't see it as harmlessly as she does. |
t3_1k2yom | relationships | Should I[22F] tell him[25M] how I feel even though I'm leaving the country? | Here's the situation:
There's this guy, let's call him Matt. Matt and I met three years ago through mutual friends. We hung out alone once and I thought he was a nice guy, but wasn't attracted to him physically in a romantic/sexual way; when he asked me out afterwards, I told him I thought we should just stay friends. Over the past three years we've seen each other at group parties and events and have become friends.
Fast forward to this summer when I started hanging out more with this particular group that he was also part of and I get much closer with all of them. Then three weeks ago, Matt and I hatched a plan to surprise the rest of our friends… Details are not important, but basically we spent a lot of time alone together. Now, I should mention that this has happened to me before (guys I am friends with are attracted to me), so my "default" response, so to speak, is to push them away/joke about it until they stop. So when he made it clear he was still interested in me romantically/his interest had resurfaced, I sort of dealt with it the way I know how to.
The problem, however, is that I just realized that I've become attracted to Matt. What's the problem, you ask? I'm leaving the country within the week. I'm not interested in long distance.
So my question is – should I even bother telling him? I feel like he has the right to know, but I also worry that it will be much more harsh to tell him that I'd like to kiss him and hold his hand and hang out with him all the time for four days and then most likely never see him again. | I have developed feelings for a guy that has crushed on me for a while and I don't know if I should tell him before I never see him again. |
t3_y0274 | relationship_advice | I [f/21] didnt set clear plans on my SO [m/24]'s plans and now we arent on speaking terms | So last night was my SO of two years [m] birthday, and currently we are in another city for school business this entire week. He gets off at 5 PM everyday so I was researching stuff to do when he got off. Problem is, I don't have any accessible money because my credit union is only available in my hometown. I know that the tourist-y places around the city are extremely expensive so I didn't want to plan all these places for sure without his consent if its on his dime. I am going to reimburse him for everything when we get back. But as soon as he gets in the car, its obvious I have vague plans.
This begins a series of "you didn't plan my birthday" and "this is the worst day in my entire life" and "all my girlfriends planned something and you have nothing, you didn't even try". I dont think he'll ever forgive me. Last night I slept on the floor in the hotel room. I don't know what to do. Its morning now and he hasn't spoken a word to me. Is it over? For reference, on my last birthday we didn't go anywhere, he didn't plan anything, and I was sad but not livid. So I'm completely taken aback because he said birthdays are not a big deal to him. But I feel horrible and just want to make things work. Hes moving across the country next Thursday so I dont know what to do. | Planned my boyfriends birthday too vague and now hes miserable and so am I. He never seemed too into birthdays but money problems on my side have prevented me from having clear plans. |
t3_3pc9w6 | relationships | I [23M] don't believe in God and my partner [20F] doesn't believe in extraterrestrial life. It became a taboo and I'm afraid it can cause problems later on. Do you have any advice ? (6 months long-distance relationship) | I'm in a 6-month long-distance relationship with my gf, and as we learn to know each other we realize we're very different.
She's very religious, goes often to church and often tells me "Only God knows" or "Only God can protect me", stuff like that.
On the other hand, I'm not a believer and I get a little uncomfortable when she talks about that.
The other day there was some news about a strange star discovered by scientist and in the article I read they was talking about possible alien technology orbiting the star and I was fascinated by it.
I told my partner about it, and she told me "I don't think aliens are real" with a very cold tone.
That took me off guard. I was half expecting it but the way she said it was very direct and she made clear that she didn not want to talk about that.
Later on, I confessed that I did not believe in God, and that the only time I went to church was at my cousin's wedding. She was a bit shocked and seemed disappointed because she wanted us to go to church together.
Since then we don't talk about Religion or Aliens anymore, it became a taboo. The relationship is going fine but I fear it will become a problem later on.
Do anyone had a similar situation ? How did it turn out ? Thanks by advance. | I believe in aliens, she doesn't. She believes in God, I don't. It's not a problem so far, but will it be later on ? |
t3_1wlxr5 | personalfinance | Getting screwed by truck and insurance payments, I need some serious money management help, 20y/o | Okay, I'm already late on a truck payment, I'm getting that cleared up next week though, what I'm looking for is tips and advice to help me keep from going over the deep end (I'm cutting it VERY close right now.)
I work full time (40hrs a week, mon-fri) at $9.27 an hour and getting paid weekly, with a little bit of overtime here and there that puts me at about $300-$350 a week, so, $1,200-$1,400 a month.
Approx. $350 a month must be allocated to paying off my truck, another $239 a month has to go to insurance, factor in $104 for my phone bill plus $50 a week for gas to and from work, add in $30 a week for food and coffee (i work very early shifts and it's a near necessity in order for me to perform my job efficiently, and i lack the equipment at home to make it here) with a final payment of $57 a month for student loans. I should theoretically have enough money to make ends meet, but since i suck at managing, i've fallen 18 days behind a truck payment and i'm working on getting that cleared up right now, with the addition of next month's payment included. I've already cut most of my extraneous spending, quit smoking cold turkey, stopped going out save for once a week on Friday night with coworkers and cut my spotify and netflix subscriptions. I've all but had to stop going fishing due to the extra cost of gas getting to and from the coast. Getting $830 back in my tax refund and have $1,700 and some change stashed away in a Growth-Investment fund that I only use to pull myself out of holes. But for some reason I can't seem to hold onto my money, or it's just not there when my payments hit. The payments for my loan and insurance are split bi-weekly on alternating weeks, so that's helping out a bit. I know the situation isn't bad right now and is easily fixed, but what I want to do is get a plan going to prevent myself from going in over my head, with a contingency or two for good measure. | getting screwed by my payments even though i should have enough to cover it, looking for ways to stretch my money and save for the fun stuff here and there. |
t3_2ttpj0 | relationships | Me [19 F] with my old flame[20 F] unsure of how to proceed after being overseas for a year. | A little bit of background info... This girl and I met through a mutual friend on the day of my HS graduation. She told me she thought I was cute and all that and so we started talking a little. It wasn't anything too serious and we just flirted but then in August of that year I went too boot camp and A-school. We continued to talk/flirt then but because I was going overseas we decided it was best not to make anything more of it.
Fast forward now about a year, I'm still overseas yet her and I started to talk again. During the time I was here she was in a relationship but it ended a short while ago because she was cheated on. We started talking as friends and I was there as a helping hand and offering her advice and being there for her to help with the breakup. We kind of started to flirt again and my feelings were like they never left. I really enjoy talking to her, we get each other, we have so many similar interests and views, and I feel like I can be myself around her. She's amazing and beautiful and I just want to make her as happy as she makes me.
I am coming home in a few months and this is where it gets confusing... Her and I talked and we decided it was best to try and stay friends because of her recent breakup (I completely understand and happily agreed because whatever makes her happy, makes me happy). However, we still flirt and talk constantly and when I go home in a few months we also talked about the high possibility of not being able to keep it just friendly. But I am going across the country next and again, decided we probably shouldn't take it any farther because lets face it, LDR relationships are difficult.
I care a lot about her, and I don't want to mess things up or do something that could ruin our friendship or the possibility of something more. I'm not sure what I should do or how I should act when I get home! I don't want to hurt her in anyway so I'm trying to approach with care. I'm having conflicted emotions. | She was recently cheated on, but we had a flame before the relationship.. The feelings are back but I'm unsure how to proceed. Any suggestions? |
t3_1ckn9z | Dogtraining | House training set backs | Aloha r/dogtraining, 1st let me say thank you for the helpful advice that I've received lurking here the past two months since adopting a 3 months old American Bull/Aussie Shep mix from the local human society. We've had her for almost two months, she's done well with house training for the most part, she's been having accidents in the house about once a week, mostly due to our lack of attention or distraction. We live in a pole house with two flights of stairs to go down to get "outside".
There is one issue that is a bit odd, she's done this twice in three days. While playing with a toy and sort of wrestling with it on an extra large bean bag, she starts to "dig" then pees. Not sure what to make of that or how to stop it. She also pee'd while sleeping, woke up, looked around like "WTF" and ran to the lanai and unleashed a beastly amount urine, a record for her I believe. That incident was more humorous than troubling, who hasn't dream pee'd a little right? Only thing is she pee'd again near the same spot, which is on our day bed, where she naps most often. We use natures miracle like crazy, I own a professional upholstery cleaner that is at defcon 1 at all times and always clean up excessively well, wife and I are both small kine OCD when it comes to cleanliness. I typed this on my iPhone...thumbs failing me | 5 month old pound puppy pees while playing with her squeeky toys on occasion, digs prior to elimination, would like any Jedi mind tricks available. Mahalo! |
t3_4qg4xf | relationships | My(22F) Fiance (23M) getting hit on by a gay guy who works with him...unsure how to feel or what to do. | My fiancé told me that he had received a private message from a gay coworker. In the message, the guy had copied and past an old photo of my fiancé and I from when we were at Disney world (we got engaged on this trip) 2 years ago and said "Not to be a perv but I can totally see your junk." My fiancé response with "Haha damn you got some good eyes".
About 20 minutes before the guy sent this message, he had commented on another picture of our publicly with a punch of fire emojis and thumbs up. My fiancé liked his comment. I think by acknowledging that comment and liking it maybe made the guy think he liked the attention?
Anyways, I am not sure how to approach the situation. I know that a lot of the guys (they are police officers) kind of shun him or pick on him for being gay. This leads me to believe that maybe my fiancé, being the nice guy he is, is trying to be very friendly and over compensating. Both myself and fiancé are very accepting of the LBGT community, as we fell like everyone should have the chance at happiness. With that said, I am hurt that this guy, knowing that he is engaged to a woman, is doing this. I also feel like my fiancé should have handled it better, though I am not sure what the correct thing would be to say.
What do you guys think? Is this guy out of line? Am I being sensitive and too worried over this guy or should I be concerned? | Fiance's (23M) coworker (M) sent inappropriate FB message talking about his "junk", and commented publicly on our photo. Wondering if I am being sensitive, and if fiancé's response was correct? |
t3_2dcg2r | Advice | I have $7,500 in savings and want to leave my state/country. | I don't want to make a big long post about this so I'll keep it as short as possible. I'm 22. I have $7,500 in savings. I work a part-time minimum wage job, which is of no importance to me. I have an AA degree and am two semesters away from graduating with a bachelors in business. I live at home but it's very rough living here. My mom is abusive and my dad blames me for it. I don't have a car, license, or know how to ride a bike. I called around in my area for driving lessons and they all told me I'm too far away for them to come in a car and teach me. So transportation is limited.
I don't require much to be happy. All I need is a good laptop, a Kindle, decent income, and a clean studio apartment. My ideal day would be to wake up, exercise, read, write, go to work, sleep, repeat. My family isn't very supportive when it comes to my mom's abuse and they all blame me, so I can't get help there. I used to live with an abusive ex that was very violent and I'm tired of being around abusive people. I would like to leave the state/country and start over completely. I don't want contact with my family. I have lived a very sheltered life and want to change that, so a new state or country is ideal. I will be lucky if I live fifty more years and I want to enjoy life instead of being around miserable people. | Have $7,500 in savings and want to leave abusive household and apathetic family and move to a different state or country and don't have any ideas on how to successfully do this. |
t3_21d4wl | personalfinance | Beginner Mint.com user - how do I work with going over budget? | I just started using Mint and I really like it; I like the budgets/goals feature. I have a few budget categories set up, and a "save for a new laptop" goal.
My question is, I just went over budget, and on the budget/goal tab, it doesn't take that into account when calculating how much I have left to contribute to goals. Can someone tell me what the correct mindset is when dealing with going over budget on mint? Is there a way to, when I go over budget, to take it away from a goal or multiple goals?
I'm a little familiar with YNAB, and it seems like over there, saving for a new laptop would just be a budget item that you let sit for a few months, is this the same mindset with mint? If so, how do I properly use Goals?
Sorry for the rambling: | What is the correct way to use budgets/goals in Mint? What do you do when you go over budget? |
t3_4urw6h | legaladvice | I (21) need to sort out a credit issue as a result of a mis-identification. | First of all I am in NJ if that helps.
I just checked my credit report and found that there are a plethora of charges against my account. After reviewing the charges I requested a full credit report from annualcreditreport.com to verify that creditkarma hadn't made an error. After finding the charges to exist on my report, I also noted an "alternate name" and "alternate SSN" on my file. These alternates belong to my father, and we also verified that the charges should have gone on his credit report and that he's never used my credit info or inputted my SSN anywhere.
The big part here is that my father and I share a name with the exception of a different middle name.
My issue is I am wondering if there is any legal action to be taken in this, as without my SSN or middle name, my father's charges should not have shown up on my file. This is alarming to both of us because not only was his SSN compromised had I not been a blood relative, but my credit report suffered as a result of some of his late payments. I am just looking to see from you guys if you have any advice on the matter. Thank you for reading this and I appreciate any help or advice! | My dad and I share a name and my parts of his credit were confused with mine, with me suffering as a result of some of his past accounts that should not have even been on my file. |
t3_4z2tzd | relationships | My sister[12/F] and I[17/M] have found out our Dad[56/M] is cheating on our step-mum[53/F] and we don't know what to do. | So my sister and I have found out our dad has been cheating on our step-mum for a while. I want to tell her but I'm not sure it's the right decision since she has given up everything to try and accept us into her life after we moved in with her around 5 years ago. She has supported him through his £20k+ debt and has moved multiple times so we can all live together.
If I were to tell her and they split up, do my sister and I get a decision in who we get to move in with? Not sure how it really works since they aren't married. | Dad is cheating on step-mum and I don't know if it's better to stay quiet or to tell her after everything she has sacrificed for him. |
t3_fnes7 | AskReddit | Hey AskReddit, I am moving across the country soon, and I need help. | Here's my story, any help at all would be greatly appreciated. My fiancee (hey, look...) and I are moving to Los Angeles from Miami in June (or earlier if another position opens up.) I have written down and contacted a few apartment complexes that fit our budget and I will be going in mid-March to check these places out and choose one to reserve for June. The problem is I have been finding much better deals, not only better areas but better prices, on sites like Craigslist and Padmapper. Now, since these tend to be landlords who have a place to rent out immediately, I know they won't be able to offer me a place to live in June if I go there in March. Avoiding the take-a-chance-and-choose-a-place-solely-based-on-the-internet method, does anyone have any idea how we can move into a place that isn't part of a huge apartment complex? | Moving cross-country soon, would like to rent a privately-owned condo/apartment rather than a unit in a large complex. Halp? |
t3_pieqr | self | Share Your Best "Had Good Luck with a Vending Machine" Story -- Mine Happened Today | **Warning:** Everyday boring story about how I got lucky with a vending machine. I feel like there's an acronym people use when something good happens to them--the opposite of FML--but I can't think of it.
**The Story**
The work day is almost over--it sucked, as usual. I decide that I want some Reese's Cups from the vending machine downstairs. I check my pocket to see how much change I have. Turns out I have 45 cents. How much are Reese's Cups? 60 cents. Damn.
Oh well, I guess I'll get some of those peanut butter crackers. They're only 35 cents.
So I go downstairs to the vending machine.
Drop in a quarter. The machine reads 25 cents.
Drop in a dime. The machine reads 35 cents. But my dime comes out of the coin return! Sweet! Now I have a total of 55 cents. Still 5 cents shy of my chocolate-y snack.
"Maybe it will happen again," I think to myself. I drop in the rest of my change.
Drop in my dime (again). The machine reads 45 cents.
Drop in a nickel. The machine reads 50 cents.
Drop in my last coin, a nickel. The machine reads 55 cents.
Damn. I thought I was going to get lucky. Now disappointed, I ponder my situation. That's when it hits me.
"Fuck it. Let's try again."
I hit the coin return button and retrieve 55 cents.
Drop in a quarter. 25 cents.
Drop in a dime. 35 cents.
Drop in a dime. 45 cents. And it comes back!
Now I have enough for my Reese's Cups. I retrieve my snack and return to my desk pleased with today's events. | Didn't have enough change to buy Reese's Cups. Got lucky, machine gave me money when it shouldn't. Then I had enough. I bought them. They were tasty. |
t3_12uf8p | AskReddit | I want to pursue a bachelors in Psychology, but I'm worried about the future and finding a job. Any advice? | I'm a sophomore in college now and I was in pre-med but I had doubts and realized it wasn't for me. I have become interested in psychology and I plan to do it, but I am stressing out and fearful for the future. Finding a job and making decent money with that degree is what has me worried. My family has been having trouble with money, and I have been changing my mind around alot due to that and I looked up that with psychology I could pursue many career paths; I can't go onto graduate school with that degree though, no money to pay for it even with work and I also don't want to. On the other hand I'm deeply interested in video games and I want to pursue something in that field, but Im terrible in math and I don't care much for computer programming; which is actually a big part of video game field. Any advice and help would be greatly appreciated! | I wanna pursue Psychology but I'm scared shitless about the career future for it and I cannot go further into graduate school with it. |
t3_2dvmum | relationships | mother and sister found pictures of me (19f) on my laptop and are now furious and it is causing a major rift | whilst i was at work, my little sister (15) used my laptop for her summer project. My skype signs in automatically, and she read through a series of communications between me and my boyfriend (m19) this conversation spanned the whole of summer, and included occasional pictures and videos. She then went through my Camera Roll on the laptop, and saw a few mildly bdsm themed pictures of me. She rang me at work, screaming abuse, and hasn't spoken to me since (two days later) she told my mum yesterday morning, who is furious, says i'm disgusting and have broken her inside. I am no longer the good daughter she thought, and she cant bare the thought of my bf, whom she had previously tolerated (although wasn't thrilled I had a bf) she says she will no longer support me at uni. where do we go from here? | sister ignoring my existance, and mother furious and verbally abusive since finding pics of me sent to by bf. what can I do to heal the rift? |
t3_4xyr8o | relationships | Me [21F] with my bf [26M] have been dating 3 months but i still think about my ex every day | My ex and I were together for 2 years and we broke up about 6 months ago. We were fighting a lot in the last few months of the relationship and although we were still in love with each other, it just wasn't working. He broke up with me and I was devastated. I lost heaps of weight and my grades dropped and my personality changed. I was so lucky to have my friends there for me as they helped me through it. I went NC and After a month or so of being depressed I was finally myself again when I met my current boyfriend. A man who is the complete opposite to my ex. Our conversations are more intellectual, he is not a party animal, he studied the same thing as me at uni and is just generally more mature. We dated unofficially for about 6 weeks and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was very happy and content with life and the relationship. However, every day I am still thinking about my ex. I find myself missing him more than I miss my current boyfriend when he is not around. All I want to do is talk to him and see what he is doing with himself but I know I shouldn't. I find myself thinking maybe I rushed into this new relationship too fast also. I definitely care about my new boyfriend I just don't think I could ever have the same strong feelings for him as I did for my ex. The last few days I have found myself even wondering if I should end the relationship because of how often I am thinking about my ex. I know I shouldve waited until I was completely over him before I jumped into a new relationship but I honestly feel like I will never be 'over' him :( Can someone please give me some advice on what I should do? I am so confused and I don't have any one to talk to because I don't want my friends knowing that I still think about my ex. | im in a new relatiionship but can't get my ex out of my head. is this normal? i am so confused please help |
t3_1b2q20 | AskReddit | Should I move to Scotland? | Hello /r/askreddit,
I am an american 20 year old male and I came to Scotland as a 16~17 year old and fell in love with the city of East Kilbride. I loved everything about Scotland in general... I never met a single mean person while I was there, other than a few high school guys who were upset all the girls were freaking out over american boys. I LOVED the weather! but one thing that really set it apart was when i busted my head open while there, a man i was staying with was a paramedic and had ties with the hospital we went to so it was maybe a little faster service than I would had regularly received, but what I noticed was I didn't have to pay anything! I really loved everything while I was there, the reason I come here to you today is because I was wondering would it be worth it to move over there? What's the likeliness that I could get a job before I moved there? I want to have me feet wet/have a job already when I move. I'm currently pursuing a degree in Business Informatics at my local uni, it's a well rounded business degree with a mix of a CIS degree (Computer Information Systems.) The only thing holding me back would be the love of my life, she wouldn't want to move there because of the fact that she would be far from her family an her parents wouldn't see their grandchildren as much as she would like them too. So I ask you reddit, should I move to Scotland? | Should I move to Scotland from America? What's the likeliness of me getting a job in Scotland while applying from America? |
t3_37nf0h | relationships | My boyfriend (m24) of 6 months dumped me (f21) over something that did not need to end in a break up. | I slept at his house last night after work. We get along great, i always saw myself as being more into him than he was into me but i attributed that to just personalities. My dad and sister both cheat regularly on my mom/sisters boyfriend. He knows this upsets me and how anti-cheating i am because i just think its so disrespectful. I snooped. I was wrong. I apologized for snooping, he had never done anything to indicate he has been unfaithful before, but i snooped. Unfortunately, i found something. Him and his (still claims to be JUST) friend(s) going into details about what they like sexually and dont like sexually. And he left me in the morning to play soccer, didnt invite me, but turns out he invited her ( i read this all on the Mac that hooks up to his iphone). I was heartbroken, broke out crying, began wondering why i wasnt good enough and why he needed to stray. I am a logical person, trust me i have thought everything through logically (its not my fault, blah blah, but im on an emotional roller coaster, its not uncommon to think the way i did) but my reaction wasnt to break up with him. Also, he seemed WAY more upset that i snooped than i did that he had that conversation. My solution for the trust issues both ways was we would disconnect the texting on the computer, so he has full trust i wont snoop (he never leaves his phone around and thats the only way i could think of otherwise) and our relationship, i would ask for more communication. instead HE DUMPED ME. i guess that shows that he didnt love me and i loved him because of our reactions. It'd be nice to hear some moving on stories, or happy ending stories, so i am just constantly reminded that everything will work itself out.
I know everything is okay, i KNOW its not the end of the world, i just need help momentarily. Thanks in advance. | boyfriend broke up with me because i snooped and caught him conversing with girls in a way completely inappropriate when you are in a relationship. just want to hear some good love stories! |
t3_3r5h6c | relationships | Me [16] don't know what to do with my girlfriend [16]. Really complicated, info in post. | Im going to make it quick...
So basically weve been together for 2 years and she went to this exchange student camp (Im not native english speaker so sorry if thats not correct but I hope you understand) and she met an italian guy [20]. We didnt really talk to eachother during the week that she was there but during the last 2 days she told me that at first, the italian guy (lets call him Peter) had asked my girlfriend (lets call her Sue) to go out for a walk with him. She did and they talked and stuff, nothing too crazy yet. Peter did ask if they could hold hands so he could warm up her hands but she denied (thats what i heard). The next day there was a disco because it was the last day and Peter asked Sue if they could dance the slow one and my girlfriend said she didnt want to be rude so she danced with him. After the dance Peter asked if they could go out for a walk and out there he tried to kiss my gf. My gf denied the kiss (thats what i heard). She told Peter that she had a boyfriend. Peter asked if he would have chances if she didnt have boyfriend and she said he would have chances...
Long story short, my girlfriend has some sort of stronger feelings for the italian guy but she chooses me over him. She said that she likes him more than just as a friend but she wouldnt throwaway our 2 year relationship for the italian guy. I cant cope with my girlfriend having that kind of feelings for someone else. What do I do? Girlfriend coming home tomorrow! | girlfriend has feelings for italian guy she met at a exchange student camp. not as strong feelings as she has towards me but she still has those feelings and I cant cope with her having feelings for the italian guy. Help! |
t3_1l5ud5 | relationships | I [M/17] don't know what to do about my long distance girlfriend [F/16] | I really don't know how to deal with this and i'm hoping that maybe you guys can give me some advice. I met this incredible girl at summer camp (both counselors) but the problem is that I live in Mexico. She lives in New York.
We don't know what to do. We both obviously really care for eachother, but we don't know how to handle long distance relationships. I don't even know if they are worth it. But the real problem comes from the fact that, after hours of heart-pounding discussions with myself, I love her. I really miss her and I don't know how to deal with it.
She doesn't know if she wants to do long distance or not, and we are both generally clueless. What do we do? | Fell in love with my summer girlfriend, moved back to mexico and don't know how to deal with long distance relationships. |
t3_381i0n | tifu | TIFU by trusting a fart | A bit of backstory before the main event:
Yesterday I was feeling particularity lazy (because Saturday), so I decided to lay in bed and play Witcher 3/watch archer season 6 (ladies :) ). Glamour lifestyle, I know. I had a rumbling in my gut that only a burrito could satisfy. So I lugged my ass over to mucho burrito (Canadian chipotle), and filled a glorious 12" burrito to the tits with all the spicy, fart generating, gastro pain causing garbage I could. I downed that bastard with a side of hot salsa and a cheap Mexican soda. Later on in that day hunger once again struck, and this time I decided I would gorge myself on shawarma. I visited the shawarma place down the street, got a big ass chicken and beef pita with all sorts of spicy shit on it, and some mystery salad because healthy.
I slept well that night. Too well.
Forward to today, I was once again feeling lazy, and decided I would spend my day in bed once again. I kept having those long hilarious but completely odourless farts for the better half of the day. I'll be honest, I would forcibly blast one out, and then laugh at it like some kind of boob. After maybe 30 of these, my stomach threw up a bit of a red flag with one colossal stanky ass fart that had obviously shook hands with the devil. My brain knew turds were brewing in there, but it decided it would be safe to wait.
About 40 minutes after that foul fart I felt another wave of those tiny bastards coming on... So I spread my legs, and squeezed as hard as I could, because I thought it would be funny. That's when it happened. I shot a pure brown laser of spicy liquid shit out. It quickly covered my comforter (which is now in the dumpster), and was so spicy that it actually stung any skin it contacted. There must have been a half gallon of the shit.
I am writing this whilst sitting on the shitter, almost constantly leaking spicy brown slime from my ass. It's so pungent the air in the bathroom is burning my eyes. | be lazy, eat a bunch of spicy food, trust a fart, projectile shit myself, still shitting to this moment. |
t3_26xx2p | offmychest | I'm a horrible daughter | It's been harder for me to deal with relationship issues than it has been for me to deal with my father's death.
I loved my father, and I lost him this May. Right before my graduation. It was hard, but I've only cried two or three times. Everyone asks if I'm allowing myself to grieve, and as far as I know, I have. I'm just not normally emotional, and haven't felt compelled to cry or sit around and mope about it.
What I have felt compelled to mope about is a year old breakup, the regret of never telling this guy that I saw every day for two years that I think he's incredible, and the fact that I keep letting myself get played by the same douchebag. | I throw myself pity parties about non-relationships rather than mourning the loss of my dad like a normal human being. |
t3_261pj2 | loseit | NSV- Weight loss noticed at the gym! | 18, F, around 280lbs/127kg but I'm not 100% sure, see below.
I recently signed up on MFP and went to put my weight in. I have only a vague idea of what I weigh, as my scales broke, and my dad bought a new one; they only go up to 266lbs/121kg and as the last time I weighed in, the scale read 290lbs/132kg I was devastated; I was too heavy for the scale. I put in 280lbs/127kg because I really have no clue, but think I lost some. Anyhow I was really upset. I then went off to the gym to pound out some stress and the upset.
I got there and was pounding it out on the elliptical (docs orders, no running or I'll get arthritis in my 30s) and this guy came in who I see once or twice a week and he and the guy who owns the gym (small gym, so he's like a PT to us all!) started talking about how I was really going for it. That cheered me up. That was yesterday, and I went back today, and the gym-owner said this: (paraphrased; no eidetic memory for me!)
"You know, you do look a lot smaller than you did when you started, and people are noticing. They're all coming to tell me how much weight you've lost. So your hard work is showing!"
I was so pleased. I still have the resulting grin on my face. It was brilliant to hear and just brightened me up. | I was a bit upset that I had no clue whether or not I'd lost weight, when people at the gym comment on it, apparently quite a lot. Colour me amazed! |
t3_21umf2 | relationships | [21/m] My ex(ish) girlfriend [19/f] (together for about 13 ish months) has some issues; we have been on a "break" for two weeks. Do I wait for her or move on? | Reddit, I am at a point of conflict in my life.
I have been seriously dating a girl for a year. Everything was going perfectly.
Like, seriously nothing could have made things better. We were honest. We fought but forgave. She was everything I want.
Then, one night she started crying and saying that she was "confused" about her life. We talked about breaking up and I gave her an ultimatum. She said that she didn't feel like she could commit to me because she "hated herself" and that she needed time to "get her shit together". I was of the opinion that I could help her get through her problems. We still both love eachother (I love her, she says she loves me). She says I am a perfect boyfriend and her parents have asked her about marrying me and even encouraged/suggested it. The ultimatum I presented her with was "commit or we take a break until you can".
She opted to take the break. But, after I left her house, she texted me and confessed that she felt horrible.
We have now taken to very sporadic texting and writing letters to eachother. But I am having an issue. My friends say I should move on. That she is not being good to me; that our relationship is uneven and that perhaps she doesn't deserve me. My parents say I have to think about my future (I am 21). The problem with that is, I think about my future and I want her in it.
What I need help with is....do I wait? Do I wait for her to come back?
How do I distract myself? How can I get past the pain this is causing? She won't meet me in person where I can tell her things face to face because she "doesn't want to forget how much she loves her space". But she expects me to wait. She has expressed fear over me going back onto the market. I don't want any girl but her right now.
What do you guys think? | Girlfriend insists on break. She also insists that she loves me desparately and that I am the perfect boy for a long term relationship (her parents have talked about marriage). Do I wait or move on? |
t3_3ghs26 | relationship_advice | I'm going insane. [24/m] | It's been a few months since I broke up from a relationship that lasted almost five years. It was my first serious relationship and I truly believed I was going to get married to her.
Initially I was getting along fine, burying myself in work.
Then it happened. A couple of days ago I opened up a new browser to test a website, and her email account was logged in.
Obviously I couldn't help myself, so I had to take a look around. Don't tell me I shouldn't have been snooping, it happened, so whatever.
I found a sex tape with her new guy from about 2 weeks after we separated. We were technically on a break during this time, since we decided to take a break for one month to see how it went. I tried desperately to win her back at the end of the break but it was pretty clear that she was over me.
She initiated contact with him a couple of days after we started our break, but it seemed like they were "talking" for much longer.
The kicker is that I knew she normally talked to him during our relationship. She kept convincing me he was just a friend (even though they dated before me, nothing serious, like a high school kiddy relationship).
She found out I was logged in as she changed her password a couple of hours after.
I used to love this girl very much. I always had an amazing time when we were together. However, although we still talked every single day, I was always a little introverted mixed with adhd so I gave her little attention when we weren't together.
I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't get any work done. I can't stop thinking about that video. It destroyed me.
I'm going insane, I don't know what to do. Googling tips for getting over an ex gives me the same bullshit generic advice.
I know if not treated properly, adhd can lead to bipolarity. I'm starting to feel some symptoms of manic episodes where at night I feel like I can do anything, and in the morning I feel completely depressed.
[ | ]: Found my ex's sex tape with another guy from when we were on a break and I'm going insane. |
t3_r1xsy | GetMotivated | Standoff With A Dog | EDIT: I also hurt my back yesterday. I suspect it was from when I was slow-jogging backwards and went ass-first into the edge of a parked car. Meh. | Dog tried to attack me, now i feel like a pussy, and im using this feeling of vulnerability to fuel me even more. |
t3_2s7ttl | relationships | I'm [26 M] having trouble meeting women and joining groups. Is this normal? | I recently graduated college, and I'm studying for tests before starting my career. I was mega homeschooled, and during college I was very shy, and always had major athletic injuries. I did go on dates, but only with extroverts, and usually they were the ones who asked me out.
I'm much less shy now, and I do get attention from interesting women, but they're all 18-20!
I have several new groups, and most are centered around activities. I'm not into drinking/partying. The best groups I've found are mixed ages (I get along with 30's+ very well), and college-age. Every mid-20's group I've found has been very cliquish and unfriendly to new people. I honestly feel like an outsider whenever I'm around them, and I felt like at times I really connected with some of the individuals.
I also think that by being more and more outgoing, I'm disrupting things. All the other single guys are so passive, and one of the women told me that there's a ton of gossip about little things.
I'm going to try Meetup.com, but there was only one group that had people around my age. My theory for all this is that most people who are friendly and/or ambitious find their friends and relationships during college, and don't need to seek out activity groups.
What does this all mean? | Not very shy anymore, but having trouble with people my age. They seem more cliquish than college and 30's+ groups. |
t3_p7167 | AskReddit | Reddit, what happened on the worst day of your life? | I'll start.
I had finally hooked up with the girl i'd been after for a few months (who i'd been friends with for years), and after an amazing night with her, she randomly started crying. When i asked her what was wrong, she simply said that she 'couldn't do this this anymore', and ran out. I gave her a few hours, and i called her. When i asked her what was wrong, she said that she 'wanted to love me, but couldn't'. We got into this huge fight, and eventually got it settled, but my day was sufficiently ruined. However, that being the worst part, multiple other little things slowly made it the worst day ever. When i went outside to get my dog back inside, i found about 3 dead rabbits with my feet, and discovered 7 dead, mutilated birds in my pool. I've blocked a few things out from that day i know, as i have a lot of things from that summer, so i can't share all of the details. | Finally hook up with girl of my dreams, next day she tells me she lied to me all of last, i step in dead rabbits, and my pool gets clogged by a flock of mutilated birds. |
t3_16pbrw | relationship_advice | Confusing Co-worker relationship (friends?) between 26M and me(23F) | I apologize for the length, this one just needs some explanation...
I've been working at my current job for about 7 months. My co-worker works in a different department, on a different floor, but makes a point to make the rounds down to my floor every day (I'm not sure if it's to see me? or just part of his job, maybe both). He's always been incredibly helpful and kind to me since I started working, offering advice, cracking jokes, chatting, inviting me to happy hours, etc. We've had a few awkward moments as well: I got completely wasted at a company happy hour (yep, I'm an idiot) where I was wearing a slutty dress and heels, I fell while walking with him and some other co-workers, he carried me into a cab and possibly saw some boob-action. Awk-ward. Anyways, I thought that he'd been developing feelings for me and I haven't exactly shot down his advances-I've given him my number and told him that I'm in a relationship but am also "seeing other people" (he showed a lot of interest in that). Also, he sends me candy occasionally via inter-office mail. So last week he invited a bunch of people out to happy hour. Due to the flu epidemic, however, a lot of people declined. I was planning to go and talked throughout the day with him about going. At the end of the day I started feeling sick and changed my mind so I texted him so, and he texted back a curt "Figures. Have a nice weekend." He always says I'm a flake at such things but I'm really shy and truly wasn't feeling well that day. After that, it's been different; only talking to me if necessary, not saying hi at all, really cold. Did I totally shut him down? Should I say something or just let it go? I don't think I want to date him, but I hate having awkward relationships with anyone especially at work... Thanks for any input :) | Co-worker possibly has crush, I rejected his happy-hour invite, now he's acting a lot colder to me. |
t3_p3bv9 | relationships | GF refers to other guys as "sexy". Am I right to be upset? | [21m] & [19f] We've been dating for 2 months. I'm crazy about her and she's crazy about me. There's no doubt about that, we compliment each other all the time and spend so much together and do all sorts of things together.
I've noticed that a few times she's referred to other guys as sexy. Once it was an actor from a tv show we were watching. I'm comfortable with my sexuality so I agreed that he was quite attractive. I mentioned another guy I thought I was attractive and we joked and laughed when she disagreed. We were fooling around on omegle and she say someone and whispered "wow he's hot!" (he wasn't nude) to me. Again, I thought you know what she's with me, it's totally fine so I didn't get upset or anything.
But today she sends me a text saying she has a prof crush and that he's "so sexy". This really got to me because we text a lot and she says I'm "so sexy". (Not sure if related but In general she's talked a bit about how funny and quirky he is in class.) I don't like the fact that she told me this because had the roles been reversed, I don't think she would be happy with me saying that. I ignored that text message but I'm upset and wondering whether I shouldn't be, why she'd even tell me that she thinks he's so sexy and whether I should tell her I don't like her saying that to me. | GF called prof sexy. I didn't like it. Do I have a right to be upset and why would she even tell me that she thinks he's so sexy? Is there some kind of motive? |
t3_1b79ky | AskReddit | My brother's overeating habits are causing my mother and I to have no food in the house and have nothing to eat. What can we do? | My family hasn't been doing well, financially, for a year. Usually we'll get by, and food isn't a problem, but for the past few months, my overweight brother's eating habits are spiking up again, and he's basically eating all our food. In the course of an average night, he will come out of his room and make two full meals using whatever pasta/meat we have. Sometimes he'll also make sandwiches with whatever lunch meat we have. On top of that, he'll drink a lot of the soda and bottled water we have. If there's chips, or crackers, then forget about it. He'll eat entire sleeves of Ritz crackers, and entire bags of whichever chips we buy.
It's getting to the point where a normal week's worth of groceries will last only 3-4 days after. There's not a lot of food left in the house ATM, but today he's managed to make two peanut butter sandwiches and toast four English muffins. When there's no food left in the house, he'll usually spend time at his girlfriends', where he eats like a king.
It's virtually impossible for my mother and I to confront him about **anything**, as whenever someone calls him out on anything, he shifts the argument and tries to push it on someone else, usually mentioning some off-topic achilles heel of sorts for whoever brings it up. We can't get him to pay for his own groceries, because he keeps using the "I have no money" line despite using his money to buy food, constantly. | My brother is a fat, cheap piece of shit who is eating all the food in the house, knowing that my mother and I have nothing to eat afterwards. |
t3_4svbh5 | cats | What should we do about a cat living in our garage? | So at my house we have two indoor cats and an outdoor cat. Our outdoor cat lives in our garage and that's where we leave it's water, litter box, and put food out for it a couple times a day. Well the other day a stray cat came into our garage and it won't leave. We haven't fed it or anything in hopes that it will just leave realizing that it won't get any food but it's been more than 24 hours and it still is hiding in random corners of our garage. If it was just a normal cat that would be fine but the problem is this cat is very twitchy, has it's hair falling out, and just looks all around sick in general. My mom is worried that we are going to bring something into our indoor cats or that our outdoor cat will get something because we've never been able to catch her to give her, her shots. We've already called our humane society and a bunch of other places who all say they are full on cats or can't do anything about it. So what do you think is the best thing we can do to get this cat out of our garage and away from our house? | There is a sick looking cat in our garage and we want to get rid of it before it gets any of our cats sick. |
t3_3rsb1x | relationships | Me [26 M] with my _fiance__ [25/F] of five years wants me to apologize for telling her that her hair looks greasy after three days of not showering. | EDIT2:For those that can barely read I put this at the top, I'm not expecting her to shower everyday just more often than every three days. Also many of you seem to live in the Arctic circle of Europe and Canada and never shower, that's fine. Its a little different in the State of Georgia here in the US | She hasn't showered in three days and she wants me to apologize for asking her to shower because her hair looks greasy. |
t3_37c9ky | relationships | Me [23 M] with my dad [56 M] we had a falling out and do not know what to do about Father's Day | For the past four months my father has been an absolute nightmare. I have been dating my SO for about 3 years now and they just don't get along. However, my SO has accepted the differences and rather just be cordial. My father would rather spew rude things at random times. I think he is honestly crazy. He needs help but won't get it. He went off about four months ago and I haven't seen him since. He has apologized but this isn't the first apology. I want him to show me he has changed and not give an apology he doesn't mean. However, I know that Father's Day is coming up and I do not know what to do. I don't want to give him any ammo (My SO and I have never wronged him). I do not want him to be able to say, "I might have said some hurtful things, but I have apologized and now, dadnotnice145 has ignored me on one of the most important holidays." I don't want him to be able to play the victim card to the rest of the family and make me the bad guy. He is known to do that. I haven't really told the other family members because I feel it is bad mouthing. Also, when we do reconcile he will hold this against me. Anyway, how do I tactically go about this without having to show up or call him? | My dad and I aren't speaking. I don't want him to have ammo if I don't show up for father's day celebration. How do I tactfully go about this? |
t3_4gsmqs | relationship_advice | About my [26/m] coworker [26/f] | Recently got out of a long term relationship which ended pretty rocky. During the lead up to things ending, I had also started a new job and met a female colleague who had recently gone through experiences very similar to the things going wrong in my relationship. We have become closer and closer as we confided in each other and supported, in most ways platonically. She was sort of dating low key, but has since stopped as we became closer. She's recently begun asking to hang out outside of work, get dinner etc. The culmination of this is that she asked me to go on a vacation with her this fall. Sort of a week long camping excursion, which we both very much enjoy. She has expressed she isn't looking to date, and hasn't expressed any feelings for me. A friend joked that something must be going on between us and she laughed it off but said of course not. We do talk via text almost all day, more than I do with any other friends or even past girlfriends. She has been very proactive in making plans. Also took on a new hobby that I've long be into, and asked that I teach her. Afraid of rejection or misinterpreting the friendship if I were to ask her out. Is there more to this friendship that I'm too daft to see, is she possibly looking for more? Hoping someone has magic answer but I know this probably isn't realistic. | lady friend wants to hang out, go on vacation together, shy guy is afraid to ask if she wants to take things further |
t3_mqob9 | relationships | I just found out my girlfriend of 1 month was molested as a child. | She is 16, I am 18, and we go to the same school. After introducing herself to me as a lesbian, she eventually began showing interest in me and finally told me she liked me. After we started dating, she told me she had never been with a guy before. She showed some apprehension when we started fooling around with eachother, which I attributed to her inexperience, but she only had a problem with me touching her below the waist, and was very open to everything above.
After working her up quite a bit, she conceded to me fingering her in the heat of the moment, but afterwards said I would never be able to do that again. Anything above the waist is fair game, but she couldn't have me touch her down there at all. After a bit of a discussion, I managed to draw the reason out of her: which is that she'd been molested as a child and was obviously still having trouble with it. Which explained why she had hated and avoided all guys before me, and a few earlier comments about how "I was changing everything" for her.
I care about her a lot, but I am wary of involving myself with such a damaged girl. She has also promised me next to no possibility of any sort of sexual activity with her, which is something I must consider. What can I do in this situation? I don't want to break up with her, and I want to help her, but lack of significant sexual contact is a pretty big deal for me, and I'm afraid I'll end up pressuring her wrongly if I stay. | Girlfriend was molested as a child and has intimacy issues, I care about her but lack of sexual contact and fear of hurting her worse is troubling me. |
t3_36guyn | relationships | Me [22 M] dating a [17F] , will the age gap cause problems? | So lately I've been dating this really nice girl. She is 17 and I'm 22 (almost 23, our age difference is 5,5 years).
During our dates it hasn't caused much problems, we have enough to talk about and although some things she says sound childish to me, I don't really care about that.
But if my mind takes this to a long-term relationship, I'm aware of a few potential problems. I've been in a 5 year relationship (from 16 till 21), and she has had only 1 short relationship (about a year). This would probably cause a huge gap between both our experiences and behavior in a relationship.
Apart from the problems between us 2, I found that some friends of mine think that the gap is a little too big too. I'm afraid that people will judge our relationship by our ages, not by the persons we are or the love that is between us. I haven't told my parents yet, and I'm not really sure how they will judge it. | What are possible long-term relationship problems that an age gap of 5,5 years might cause? (between me and her, for our friends and families and for other outsiders) |
t3_4ln3zc | relationships | Help! My girlfriend [19 F] is having an emotional affair with her friend. I'm [22 M] and we're together for 2 years. What should I do? | We met at our university, we were good friends before our relationship, and we really had a great time together when we entered this relationship. It was dreamy. She told me she loves me very much and will never leave me. (But I think she is now)
I graduated last year, while she was still studying right now. Then I was afflicted by depression because of my job, being broke and my family issues. I changed and she was missing the old, fun me.
We had a major fight about intimacy 6 months ago, and that was the only major fight we ever had. That's when she started to drift apart from me. Last week, she took a space from our relationship. Then when she couldn't resist talking to me anymore, she told me the reason for her action. She was trying to choose between me and her friend, and she couldn't decide because "it would be unfair for Guy (let's just call him Guy here) because I still love you, and it would be unfair for you because I like Guy". She started to like Guy when we were fighting, she found a part of herself that she didn't found in me, despite sharing a lot of memories and wisdom to her, she ran to him.
Despite being hurt, I tried to be calm, and I told her that she wasn't an option to me. She told me to give her a chance, and I gave her, but until now, she isn't doing anything. She took a space from me yesterday, saying she wanted to have time for herself, it's been a week now, I haven't talked to her, but she's interacting with Guy in social media, a lot.
I should've listened to my mother. | My girlfriend ran to her friend when we fought and developed feelings for him. I love her, but I'm so hurt. What should I do? I think she is preparing to dump me. |
t3_3xhp4d | Advice | How to help a friend that's kinda messed up when you're in another country? | Okay so I have this friend that I've known for nearly 20 years, she's always been wild, crazy, loyal and lots of fun and I love her to bits. Over that time obviously lots has changed, we're all scattered all over the world, we're not all married with kids but mainly we've just grown up. The last 7 yrs her and I have lived in different countries, which is a blessing, whenever we do see each other I'm done after a few days as she can just be a bit full on.
Anyway about a year ago I started notice massive changes in her, with our time difference we speak her night/my morning, shes on wine and me on coffee, that aside, all our convos she's really self righteous and quite delusional. It's basically just ranting, her telling me what I should do in my life, even when there's no actual problem, she sort of invents one or repeating to me what she told her other friends what they should be doing etc. For ages I just ignored it all as drunken carry on but now I've just realised that she's a serious mess. Through a bit of digging I learned all of her friends have abandoned her, her family is barely there, she's drinking a lot, all the time. I didn't do any of that behind her back, I just asked her in an around about way. The last few times I insisted we spoke during non drinking hours and she's exactly the same sober. So the other day I brought it up with her, but not exactly directly, I brought up a convo we had where she was ranting at me and explained how out of line it was and suggested that maybe the drink or something else emotional is going on with her to carry on that way. Well, she flipped. We're still friends but she did explain it all away, basically she's perfect and I've a bit of a nerve to be bring it up. Anybody ever have any ideas to help someone when you're far away? | I'm pretty sure my friends an alcoholic or has serious mental issues but I'm not in the same country to be able to give hands on help, any ideas? |
t3_1tg7jn | AskReddit | Why do we generalize on the internet? | As a white, American, Christian man I fall into generalization A LOT on the internet. Why? On other websites I get hate for being white, on a lot of websites I get hate for being American, and on EVERY website I get hate for being a Christian. Not all white people hate minorities, not all Americans are fat and stupid, and not all Christians are religious freaks who hate gays. So, why do we generalize on the internet? In person when I tell people I'm Christian, they tend to not care, but on the internet people flip the fuck out. It confuses me. | why do we generalize more on the internet in comparison to in person? Also, stop generalizing. It's stupid. |
t3_qhyvb | AskReddit | Since highschool I've believed a catastrophic disaster or change has been coming and haven't proactively prepared for anything til now. Am I alone? What pushed you over that paranoid edge | I don't even know what I'm preparing for. I have a few thoughts on what's going to happen that scare me somewhat. I'm not a 'doomsday prepper' as seen on tv but I have recently justified it in my mind to spend thousands of dollars on the security of knowing I won't be completely fucked if anything does happen by storing large amounts of water/food and stocking up on guns and ammunition. I also fear that I waited too long and have even got my immediate family to understand and they are doing the same. I've found out that there are fema camps in my region and have heard nothing good about those. And ever since the government announced that Anon has potential access to the power grid, I took it as just a group the government can accuse of domestic terrorism if in fact the government decides to shut it off for whatever reason. That and a few other coincidences have made me more proactive about getting ready. What was the last straw for you? | I'm preparing for a catastrophic event, what steps have you made to ensure your survival and what are you preparing for? What has happened that convinced you that you need to prepare? |
t3_1dctcb | relationships | I [22m] recently had a big fight with my girlfriend [23] and we broke up, don't know where to go from here. | I'd been dating this girl for about 8 months, and the past couple weeks we had been bickering eachother quite often. We were both stressed with work and university(finals week), and on top of that I was in the middle of moving. It was always little things though, and I didn't think much of it.
Fast forward to last Wednesday, we decided to take the night off, go have dinner, and then go out with some friends. We got a little more tipsy than I had planned, and we walked back to her place. When we got there, she brought up the fact we had been arguing alot in the past couple weeks, and for whatever reason I lost my cool about it. I was completely out of place. We got in an argument about it, and I said some things I really shouldn't have, and said "why don't we just break up!", and walked out.
I feel terrible about it now, and she hasn't talked to me since. We had such a solid foundation, and just these past two stressful weeks really put us over the edge. All of our friends always comment how good we are together, and just a couple weeks ago she was saying how happy she was with me. I feel really bad that I let the stress of the past two weeks get to me, and I took it out on her.
My question now is, what should I do? I've tried calling to apologize, and she isn't answering the few texts I've shot her way. Should I just wait until she contacts me, or try something else.
Thanks! | Girlfriend and I have been stressed out the past 2 weeks or so, and we had an argument where I said things I shouldn't have, and she hasn't talked to me since |
t3_jrqgy | travel | Use Gchat without paying for Gogo. | On my last Virgin America flight, I didn't want to pay for in-flight internet ($12.95 for the flight), but I still wanted to use my laptop. I had an open browser and noticed, to my surprise, that my Google Reader tab continued to receive new items.
Turns out, not quite everything redirects automatically to Gogo's paywall. Google Reader loaded (did not load pictures/videos and obviously no links, but I can read all the text I want), and more importantly, Google+ loaded, and that has a chat window. This ended up being crucial, as I could get a message to my friend who was picking me up at the airport.
And if you use [Gtalklet] the Chrome extension, you can put a Gchat window on any webpage. This setup worked for me on Virgin America (via Gogo In-flight), on my Macbook using Chrome (but not Firefox).
If anyone has an explanation, actually, of why this work-around would have let me get through the paywall I'd be interested in hearing it. | Google > Gogo. Use the chat window in Google+ while on Virgin America (running Chrome on a Macbook) to continue chatting while in-flight. |
t3_3f0mef | relationships | Me [22 M] and the person I'm seeing [21F] for a few weeks are having trouble because the lack of a spark. | I've started talk to this girl recently, her name is Victoria. We seem to have a number of things in common on paper, and she claims that she is attracted to me and enjoys spending time together. However, she doesn't feel a spark of sorts with me like her past relationships that haven't worked out so far.
Last night we talked about this, and I've essentially tried to tell her my personal ideas on the topic. I don't understand the concept of a spark, and feel that if the person is right for me then getting to know them will strengthen our bonds from there. She is confused, and unsure about how it will work out if we continue though because of lack of initial fiery desire.
I'm not sure how to go about it at this point though, maybe she's just not into me and is trying to spare my feelings. Maybe she really just doesn't know what to think. After talking, we've decided to continue on and give it time to develop. I'm honestly hoping it'll all work out.
Is there an advice that someone can give me about this whole ordeal? I want to help our relationship succeed, but I don't want to push her towards something that she isn't feeling. | Girl doesn't feel the spark, and is unsure on if we should continue. Not sure what to do that will help strengthen our bond before she just gives up on it. |
t3_345arj | relationships | Me [21 M] with girl I'm dating [20 F] 3 months, kissing other guys | I've been seeing this girl for 3 months and we both agreed we weren't going to put a label on it however we both sort of knew it was basically it a relationship. We see each other 3/4 times a week.
The other day I went around to her's and she had gone clubbing the night before. She said 2 of her friends ditched her and started kissing random guys. As a joke I said "you should of as well" and she said "I did". I just continued to smile and said cool I don't care but obviously I was hurting inside big time. She got sort of upset and angry when I showed I didn't care but she said "I wasn't just going to stand their awkwardly on my own".
I was hiding that I was upset and acted like I didn't care and she then said that I should be angry and that if she was me she'd be angry. This actually made me even more upset because she knew it would make me upset and did it anyway. Also she wasn't even drunk.
Now I'm really confused on what to do. I just brushed it of after talking about it for an hour and we just went to bed like nothing happened.
This all happened yesterday and I'm unsure what to do today. Do I keep hiding that cared so I have the upperhand or open myself up and make her feel better and tell her that she really hurt me what she did. I know its sort of ambiguous because we are just dating but the fact that she said she would be angry if I did that and that she knew I would be upset has made me upset. | Girl I'm dating pulled a guy in a club even though she knew I'd get upset but I hid my feelings and she got angry and upset when I wasn't angry and acted like I didn't care. |
t3_tkx9x | relationship_advice | Emotional attachment help | So i'll start by saying i'm 16, she is 17. Out of the 8 girls ive slept with (i say this to reiterate that im not normally emotional about it. Sex is sex), this one has been the kindest, sweetest girl to me. However her friends all warn me of her being ingenuine, and she seems that way. Usually i can differentiate between the physical and emotional aspects of sex, and only 2 girls so far I actually dated. But this one treats me so well. The issue is we don't hang out often, i only really see her at parties. And i wish it was just physical, thats easy to manage but she treats me like fucking gold.
However it's just words, and not action, or proof that she means it. We fucked on prom night like 3 weeks back, and the sex was amazing because there was an emotional element, as we're good friends. She tells me she wants me all the time but on top of that she says such nice, incredible things that nobody's really said to me before, and its weird because im not dating her.
Since then I think I've caught feelings, but i know she doesnt feel the same way for a fact, and its been a little one sided with me caring much more lately. Hell, i get slightly upset if i dont talk to her for awhile. It's scary because I don't want to fuck shit up but my emotional attachment is killing me. This is the one thing I've always managed to avoid. | I had sex with a girl who was kind of a friend, we became much closer but as of late she's pulled away a little, and I have feelings/am emotionally attached, and this never happens. |
t3_4y3567 | relationships | (URGENT! Leaving soon!!) Me [23 M/F] with my "Date" [25 M/F] wants to invite her friends on our next date. Why? | So I barely know her. We had on date, ended it with an innocent kiss. I called her again today and she wants to meet at a bar with her friends and roomates.
Again, I barely know her. I don't know if I want anything serious with her. But, is this a good or a bad thing? Why would she be doing this in general. I'm still getting to know her and would rather do that than get to know all her friends too.
She also wanted me to bring my friends which I am personally uncomfortable with. My friends are like my family. You don't get to meet them until I am sure you are going to be around a long time. | New girl wants me to meet her friends tonight. Why? Also, she wants to meet mine. I'm not comfortable with that. |
t3_33hq8m | tifu | TIFU by tripping on DMX and browsing r/nosleep | Hey there. So last night, for the first time, I tried DXM.
For those who don't know, DXM is a drug found in certain kinds of cough syrup, that has psychedelic properties and sends you on trips lasting about 10 hours.
So, it kicks in, and shit gets weird. Everything is sort if crooked and I'm moving faster than the Universe. Weird.
I go on reddit, and read through a few posts on r/nosleep (sub dedicated to creepy stories) and I freak the fuck out. I start hallucinating this huge ass grasshopper that I think is going to eat me. And so, naturally, being the fucker I am, I tell that to a few fellow students. School today should be...interesting. | took a psychedelic, was tripping balls, read scary stories and thought I was being hunted by a grasshopper, then told everyone from school. |
t3_2hnuxd | offmychest | My most embarrassing moment happened tonight.... | Backstory: I've been babysitting my most superior boss' two kids one night every week for over a year. They're usually pretty great with no problems, my boss (the mom) pays me at the beginning of the month for the full month ahead of time. The last few months she's been paying me late (without notice), and I finally approached her about it this month. So I've been feeling a little frustrated, but try to be grateful.
Today: I'm babysitting an extra shift for her tonight. No problem, I need the money for my wedding. The husband asks me if I'll take the kids to a pay-per-ounce ice creamery, paying for one with a rewards card and the other with a gift card. Wish I would have known because I brought no money with me. We get there, kids make ice cream, we go to pay. Cashier rings up cards in reverse order, now I can't use the rewards card. Left in a panic with no money, I text my fiance to bring my debit card. I apologize to Cashier, saying the parents didn't give me enough money to cover and say money is coming. A strange offers to pay. I tell her I have no way to pay her back, please don't. She insisted. I cried.
I feel bad about saying the parents didn't give me enough money in front of the kids. But they left me BARELY enough to pay (and honestly, even if the card worked, it was still too expensive and I still would have had to pay out of pocket). I was mortified. | Parents of kids I'm babysitting barely gave me enough money to pay for cream, when one form of payment didn't work, a stranger had to pay because I'm poor. |
t3_2i4hdj | Advice | Just moved to a new city for a job. I just realized i have no idea how to "meet" people /approach strangers. Plz help :D | I'll try and keep this short.
I went to a tiny private school from 1st grade until I graduated high school. I graduated with 25 people, 24 of which were in the same 1st grade class. Any kids from others schools I met through sports. I was not a socially awkward kid. In college i did the fraternity thing for 3 years, had more friends than i had time for. My last two years of college afforded me little time to socialize. I worked 30 hours a week and took 18 hours of class. I guess during this time I became very self-aware and awkward.
Fast forward to now: I just moved to a new city, where i know nobody for a job. I'm the only person in the entire building that is younger than 35 (I'm 25). I get along with my co-workers, and do stuff with them, but they all have families. How do i go about meeting people my age that actually have their shit together somewhat / aren't jobless / drug addicts?
I've tried the meeup website, tinder, even some online dating services (not even looking for hookups, just trying to meet people in general) and it's really not working out.
Thanks for your replies, sorry for long post. | forgot how to be social in college. Don't know how to meet people, what do I do / where do i go? |
t3_1ggkx6 | relationships | My(24m) whole family is moving out west and my dream girl can't/won't move with me. Please, I need some solid unbiased advice and opinions. | This is my first post. I don't really have any friends I can talk to about this. So here's the situation. My mother is losing the beautiful house we all currently live in. They're are 5 kids ranging from the age of 20 to 30 and my mother and grandmother. It was decided that if we had to start over new that we wanted to be somewhere we loved instead of Ohio. Portland became the center of our focus and for the past few months we've been working very hard to make that happen. However shortly before I found out she was losing the house I entered into a relationship with pretty much my dream girl. I've asked her to move out there after she finishes school (she's got one year left in her masters program.) this whole ordeal has been a huge reality check for my whole family and we've all had to do some serious growing up and making the hard choices. My problem is that I'm considering staying here to continue my relationship. To start the future I've always dreamt of having with a beautiful wife, and a loving family. I just don't want to disappoint my family. I feel like no matter what I choose I'll disappoint someone and it's literally tearing me up inside. Please reddit. Some helpful advice would be great. | I don't want to disappoint anyone and I'm on a time line to make a choice. Girlfriend of 7months might very well be my dream girl but my whole family is moving across the country. |
t3_341lp6 | AskReddit | Reddit, have you had any luck with websites or subreddits making new strictly platonic friends? | I am [19F] in a relationship, seeking to make new friends. It's really not easy for me to make friends in college since everybody is there for their education, and nobody wants or can afford to waste class time working on their social life. I go to yoga regularly and never meet anybody my age. I'm not religious so a youth group really isn't my "thing" either. I want to make new friends and think online will be the most efficient way to go, what are some good websites or subreddits to try? I used to use MeetMe a long time ago but I ended up deleting it because it is set up too much like a dating site. | What are some good websites or subreddits to meet new platonic friends on? Have you tried any and had good luck? |
t3_4jv0ud | relationships | Friend (19F) called me (19M) after a year. Not sure if we can be friends again or how to proceed | Sorry if there's mistakes. English is not my native language
A couple years ago, I became good friends with Stuart (19M) and Bel (19F). We all met at an event, and became extremely close soon after. A few months later, I noticed them to be more friendlier with each other/flirtatious. I noticed this and wanted to give them space, so hung out less and less until I moved away for a job and we stopped talking altogether. I'm pretty sure they are in a relationship now but I have never confirmed it. I wasn't very direct about it, never asked what was going on between them and just sort of drifted away. I was hurt that they had become close and I was the third wheel.
Now a year later, Bel called me, we make small talk, updated each other, Stuart didn't come up but I know they are still together. The next few days, I'm pretty quiet and hardly respond to messages. She asked why I didn't call and how I am reluctant in talking again, and that I don't care about friendships. I brush it off and say I'm sorry, not expecting to reply ever again because I'm not replying much anyway.
But I want to explain myself and why I haven't spoken to them (i.e. If I spoke with her then I'd feel guilty of not talking to Stuart also, and how we can't be back to where we were because I became an extra in their lives).
I don't want this to end negatively, and I want to explain how much they both meant to me and how I'd be here if they ever need anything. I don't think she understands how I felt with them I want to explain myself but: should I explain myself? And how? Can we ever go back to being friends again? Or do I just leave it as it is?
I have missed them both so much, but I am not sure if we can go back to the way it was. But I don't want her thinking negatively of me even if we never speak again. Any advice would be appreciated. Thank you | Friends with a guy and girl, stopped contact as they are in a relationship and I distance myself. Girl contacted me after a year, unsure on how to tell her why I stopped contact because of feeling like an extra. |
t3_14173k | relationships | My [F22] new man friend [M24] has an alcoholic mother. How can I be supportive? | Background: He and I started dating mid-October. We've known each other for just about a year now. We met in a research lab at the school we go to.
He's pretty extroverted, but guarded with his personal life, not in a defensive way...but in a doesn't talk much about it kind of way. I'm thinking this might be because he doesn't want me to judge him since he and I are from pretty different backgrounds. Growing up, my family was pretty well off. They live in a nice part of town. My parents are still married. Both of my parents are college graduates, as is my older brother.
He lives in a rougher part of town. His parents aren't together anymore. I don't like poking much, but he's subtly implied that his father is dead. He's the first person in his family to go to college and his two younger sisters have followed his path. I'm incredibly proud of him.
His mom is an alcoholic. I had a feeling she was based upon the bits and pieces that he would say. When I saw their house, it was obvious (filthy, cluttered, didn't seem to make any sense). Apparently she's started drinking again heavily...to the point where she blew out the front tires on her car trying to buy more alcohol yesterday and has no recollection of what happened. He told me he was taking the battery out of her car to make sure it didn't happen again.
He's saving up right now to move out with one of his sisters, but until then he's stuck.
My issue is this: How am I supposed to respond to him when he tells me about these things? What can I do to be supportive without overstepping any personal boundaries? I never grew up around anything like this and can't really relate. I feel awful for him though given his incredibly shitty circumstances. I guess I just want to be there for him in whatever ways I can without making him feel pitied or embarrassed. | The guy I'm dating's mom is a severe alcoholic. He's still living at home and periodically vents to me about it. What should I say or do to make him feel better about it? |
t3_3qs0o9 | relationships | My (17m) girlfriend's (17f) parents hate me. Should i just give up on the relationship or try to change their opinion. | Backstory: my girlfriend use to be heavy into marijuana use but now is clean. I still smoke on occasion.
Also: this girl really isn't my girlfriend but I don't know what else to call her.
I met my girlfriend at the beginning of the school year (we are both seniors in high school) and we hit it off very well. We talked for about a week and then we went on a first date which went well. We became partners on a biology project and I went to her house to do it.
She warned me that her parents were very keen on good first impressions which made me very nervous to meet them. Meeting her parents did not go well to say the least. I tend to freeze up a bit when i get nervous and i did not make a good first impression. Eventually i went back again to complete the project and i feel that i made a better effort to get to know her parents but she told me they still did not like me and that i reminded them of her ex-boyfriend who they hate.
This wouldn't be to big of a deal because first impressions are changeable. However one night we were texting about how she used to be heavy into marijuana use and she doesn't want to be with someone who smokes.I told her i would (and have) stopped smoking for her. Apparently one night though her dad took her phone and read the messages about me smoking, which her then told her mom about.
Her mom, who already didn't like me from meeting me, now found out that i smoked weed and has forbidden her daughter to see me, and even drug tested her daughter after she found out that we were hanging out after school together.
Should i just give up on this relationship or should i go to her house and talk to her parents about how I've given up marijuana and that their daughter is more important to me than getting high.
My girlfriend does not want me to talk to her parents but I feel like that is the only way to even begin to get her parents to like me.
Thank you for any help and sorry if the formatting is shitty this is my first post. | after making a shitty first impression girlfriend's parents found out I used to smoke. Do I meet with them about it or give up? |
t3_4opihu | relationships | My [16F] boyfriend [16F] keeps trying to fight/spar my friend [16M] and I am scared my boyfriend is going to get hurt because my friends patience seems to wearing thin | My boyfriend is on a complete ego trip and I don't know what to do anymore
My boyfriend keeps provoking My friend. He thinks because he has done 1 year of boxing he can fight someone that has been doing some sort of martial arts since he was young. Who by the way is slowly transitioning into MMA if he has not made the transition already. He is always saying things like "Come one let's spar, your scared of me, you chicken or not". My boyfriend has even gone as far as to call himself as the next Brock Lesnar.
At school he does everything to get Owens attention. He would walk up and playfully punch him in the arm, he will make passive aggressive comments and I am genuinely scared Owens patience is wearing thin. I have been friend with Owen since elementary school and he has always been really easy going. It takes a lot to piss him off and I think my boyfriend is pushing those limits.
School is out for the summer and tonight is my friends 16th birthday party. She has warned me that if my boyfriend tries to start something with Owen, I will never be invited to something as long as I am dating my boyfriend. My friend Charlotte has a crush on Owen and she is getting fed up with my boyfriend as well. Charlotte already wants to go to Junior prom with Owen next year and everything.
I just don't know what to do about him anymore | Boyfriend keeps trying to spar with my friend. My friend could kick his ass and I have no idea what to do anymore |
t3_31keu4 | tifu | TIFU by eating pizza | Was going to post this Thursday, but then I noticed the rules. Anyway.
I'm on a trip to Washington DC. Long day of walking and whatnot. Decide to get some dinner at some Italian restaurant. Get in and sit down. See some tasty pizza on the menu. Hell yeah I'm starving. So I order that. Food comes, super tasty. So we're done eating and decide to walk down to the White House since it's only about a 40 minute walk. So, we reach the White House, take a few pictures, all that tourist BS. Then it hits me like freight train. I gotta poop, seriously bad. It feels like a battering ram beating down my rear gates. I can barely walk. Currently there's a lot of construction going on around that area, so there are no nearby bathrooms at all. I'm fucked. I decide to sit down and see if I can wait it out. Nope. Gates breached, juiciest bit of flow comes out. I clench for my life. Take my jacket off and wrap it around my waist. I sit for 5 minutes and decide to get up. Walk to the nearest road and get a cab to my hotel. Roll all the windows down. Arrive at the hotel. Luckily no-one is at the elevator. Speed walk to my room and right to the bathroom.
Luckily the group of teenagers in front of me had no idea what just happened. | In D.C. had some pizza, walked to the white house. Ass goes nope, shit myself in front of the White House. Nope out of there to my hotel room, proceed to cry on toilet. |
t3_gbnml | self | My Statistics Teacher Cannot Process the Fact That I Have a Learning Disability, and Penalizes me Through Grades and Report Card Comments For The Results | I am a 17 year old severe dyslexic dysgraphic. I was only diagnosed this summer because of several things I don't want to go into, but have struggled with not only the effects of it, but also the shame and self-loathing caused by it for my entire life. I never look for pity. In fact, I usually hold myself to a higher standard than those who surround me. I have a 3.85 GPA, and my college is being paid for entirely through academic scholarships. This year, however, I have encountered a situation which is making me look like an idiot through grades and report card comments.
Math has always been a screwy subject for me. I have aptitude, but also a deep dislike of the subject. This year I am taking AP Statistics, which is actually the first math class I have found enjoyment in. However, my teacher is slowly but surely not only hurting my academic record but also my self esteem. Stats involves quite a lot of writing, which is where the problems begin. Although this teacher has had me for the past 3 years, he has never seen my handwriting. He apparently cannot process the fact that my handwriting has severe issues, which is something I cannot avoid. I do work slowly in his class, but that is because I am working to make my handwriting at least legible, which is a rather painful process.
My teacher does not seem to be able to process that I have problems with handwriting. His report card comments are entirely about my handwriting. He docks points from my grades on assignments. Even though he is aware, he refuses to consider it. He even has gone as far as to state that he does not believe I have dysgraphia, and that I am simply lazy.
I am at the end of my rope. I have 3 months left of high school. I cannot switch math classes, because he is the only teacher for this course, and one of two math teachers in my small high school. I am simply losing my mind in the here and now. | If a tree in a forest falls on someone and kills them, and there is no one around to hear their screams, do they still make a noise? |
t3_h3xma | personalfinance | I consolidated some high interest loans today... | It could not have gone better. I took out a stupid loan in 2008 as an emergency fund, intending fully to pay it back in a month or two...well that didn't happen and 3 years later I still have the loan... Out of nowhere they hiked the interest rate up to 27% on me...I tried to fight it but lost... Had another card that hiked the interest rate to 28% for no reason, and again lost the argument to lower it.
Fast forward to today, the CU I work for (IT dept) was offering debt consolidation loans so I applied for enough to cover the big one from 2008... When I called for a payoff balance it was much lower than I thought and I was able to roll the other one into it as well. So... | I took two loans, one $3486 @ 27% interest, and one for $782 @ 28% and consolidated them with my credit union for 24 months @3.9%. |
t3_21kjg9 | relationships | My [23/F] boyfriend [22/M] of 3 years is cheating on me at this exact moment. Wtf do I do? | Hi Reddit..
Sorry if this comes across as incoherent. It's 5.30am where we live.
Background: myself and my now EX bf have been together 3 years, some of which has been long distance (started off long distance, lived together for a year on a university exchange, back long distance at the moment)
I just went onto his facebook account and he's out with friends, and has been desperately trying to booty call his ex for the past 2 hours. I can't even breathe or move I'm so angry/upset and can't even contact him because he's in a different country, not answering his phone.
This will be the 5th (?) time he's cheated on me - I forgave him the first time, and reading through his messages now (he GAVE ME the password telling me to check whenever to prove he was being faithful!!!!) I have found messages dating from the past year outlining that he has slept with at least 4 other girls. I feel like I'm having a panic attack I'm so furious.
Please, does anyone have any advice of what I can do right now?? As I said it's 5am none of my friends/family are awake. I have written the bitchiest message to him saying to never contact me again but I don't know whether to send it or just block him on everything. He knows I know, from the fact I'm ringing him at this hour.
I was supposed to be moving to his country in a few months. I think he is sociopathic as I have never come across someone who could lie so incredibly much and fake such an intense love for someone for years when clearly he has no feelings for anyone but himself | Reddit please help my bf is desperately trying to hook up with someone as we speak and I just found out he has cheated on me multiple times over the past few months |
t3_1x5im4 | relationships | Me [22F] doesn't know what to do with friend[25M] | I've started hanging out with a new guy. Things have been flirty, but nothing over the top.
Normally this wouldn't mean anything, except he and I have spent a few nights together in his bed, but nothing sexual has happened. The first time I was really drunk and he didn't want to be a creep, but since then there has still been nothing. Even nights that he and I aren't drinking he refuses to make a move. We cuddle, and it's always without pants, but nothing more than that.
Am I reading into this too much? He might just want to be friends and is just fine with cuddling. I don't want to ask and make things awkward in case he doesn't feel anything. | New guy sleeps almost entirely naked with me multiple times, refuses to make a move other than cuddling, not sure if he's into me or not. |
t3_4n7cnm | personalfinance | Carmax appraisal when you've had bodywork repairs in the past | Thank you in advance for any insight you can offer, oh mighty redditors. I'm considering getting a new car and part of the intense planning/spreadsheet process is getting my 2011 Toyota Corolla S (71k miles) appraised. It's in great condition minus very minimal wear and tear. However, I did get in an accident in the 1st year owning it (bought new), and had to get the bumper replaced and some framework repaired.
Kelley Blue Book has the value between 7.5k and 8.5k. However, I went to carmax for an appraisal and was told they could only offer 6k as it has had framework in the past and would have to go straight to auction.
Does anyone have experience with Carmax and can tell me if this is just their company policy? Should I expect this same $2k hit if I were to sell to a dealer or elsewhere? I really didn't think past framework would be a big deal if it was completely repaired, but maybe I'm just being naive... | Are carmax appraisals of your car always lower than KBB (around 25%) for cars with past work on the frame? Should I expect the same loss when selling to a dealer? |
t3_2fgi89 | relationships | Me 24M I'm dating someone (24F) but like other girls? | I've been dating this girl for around two months or so. She's fun, kind, sweet, and I'm open to keeping it up longer. There's nothing wrong with her, and she's passionate and funny, we have great sex together.
Unfortunately, though, I'm not sure if I really like her or if I'm just giving it more of a chance because I can tell she likes me. It's hard to turn someone down when you're somewhat attracted to them and they seem to really want you.
The problem is that I keep noticing other women that I'm attracted to, and not just physically, but I find myself accidentally thinking "oh yeah, person X is such a sweet kind person, they're really awesome and I kinda dig them."
I think it might be a sign to me that while I *like* my current fling, I don't feel "that way" about her or something? I don't know, and I figured if I did, I'd know. | Among other things, what does it mean if you still find yourself attracted to other women (whole person wise, not just looks) while you're dating someone else? |
t3_1xtze1 | relationships | Me [25 M] with my girlfriend [20 F] 2 month relationship, How can I end this without ruining our friendship? | I have been friends with this person for a long time, but after a long term relationship ended last fall, our friendship became a lot stronger(ie I actually started hanging out with her outside of the normal place we saw each other, since I was no longer in a relationship) and that eventually lead to messing around, which resulted in a relationship. The problem is now that this relationship has become more established, I'm finding that I don't have the time to truly be involved with someone. I mean, I work full time, I'm taking five classes this semester, and I'm building my own business right now. so when my schedule consist of no days off and working on my own company while I'm at home, I just can't seem to find the time to go out on a date unless I put off the things that are crucial for me to push my life forward.
I know the answer is that I need to end the relationship, and I need to do it before things get bad. The problem with that is she is such a close friend of mine and I don't want to lose that friendship. And to make matters worse, I fear that she may have fallen in love with me. I have never been in a relationship that didn't end badly, and in the past, I've held to a zero contact policy with ex-girlfriends. I really don't want it to be that way this time though. | So basically, I need to break up with a close friend of mine, who recently became my girlfriend, due to a lack of time to spend with this person. How can I do this and minimize the damage to our friendship? |
t3_1f38nl | relationships | Personal improvement in a complicated situation. Me M20 Her F21 | I met this girl a while ago, she just recently got out of a year and a half relationship and she's still in the healing process. I've told her several times I'm here to help her all the time and always there if she needs me, however recently she has been getting distant.
I finally asked her and she said that she needs to heal her heart before giving it out to someone again, which I agree indefinitely. she also said we were moving too fast physically and she didn't like it, however most of the time she was asking for kisses and what not.
Fine, I'll stop doing that.
But then she tells me all she wants is just friends.
So I asked if that was always, or just until she was finished healing, and she told me that she didn't know and to never mind if I was going to push her like this.
Heres the problem, How do I stop being 'pushy'? I don't mean too, its not something that I intentionally do. This girl means the world to me and I'm not sure what to do, should I just not text/call her for a while? even though I said I'd be there for her? I'm not sure how to go about this, I am trying to change my "Pushiness" but I'm not for certain how to do it. | How do I stop being 'pushy', she's always on my mind and its hard as hell to not talk to her. |
t3_tpded | GetMotivated | My persistence and hard work has finally paid off. | To keep a long story short, I have been running for class president since fourth grade, I am now a senior. Since fourth grade, I have never won once, and in high school, even though I had amazing campaigns, I always lost to the football player, but every year I got closer and closer. This year was different though, I was ready to throw in the towel, and just give up, but I thought "What the hell, i'll run one last time." After a month of handing out candy, making posters, and getting to know my class, I finally won. The best part? I ran against 4 different people this race, all very "popular." Now my child-hood dream has been achieved. All of those years of work and persistence, and I finally get to be class president, let alone the president of my senior year! It may seem silly to some, but to me, it's one of the most important things I have accomplished in my life. | Have run for class president since 4th grade, never won, but finally won this year, beat the football players, and get to be senior class president |
t3_2a9k05 | legaladvice | Need legal advice about DWI | I live in CT, I am on probation, I got arrested on Friday (4th of July) for DWI. I have almost 6 years suspended still. If I get violated I know I'm going back obviously. What would you guys recommend to do to not get violated? I have had people say to tell her I have a drinking problem and try to get into an inpatient it will look better than just got caught partying. I just don't know what to do she said she needs to see the police report before making a decision but I don't know how long that is. I'm supposed to see her tomorrow need advice ASAP please. | On probation, have 2.5 years left of probation, got arrested for DWI, told her already, how do I not get violated? |
t3_1lf72k | relationships | Am I(M23) wrong for refusing the friendship of a girl(F21) I have romantic feelings for? | I've been having some trouble with figuring out if I am in the wrong with ending a relationship I have with my coworker.
A coworker and I have been casually flirting for a while, and recently we started to see each other and talk more frequently. In the beginning, she showed a lot of interest(romantic interest).
The problems started when she told me she had a boyfriend already. In the beginning, she gave me the impression that the relationship was going to end, but she told me soon after that they were going to try hard to work things out between the two of them.
We continued talking and flirting for a while after this, however, and I wanted to make my intentions clear. We ended up having a conversation at her place about whether or not it was a good idea to be friends with someone that you have romantic feelings for. She is convinced that it is not a problem. I am convinced that this type of relationship is unhealthy.
We meet up at a party later, and we get along great. We had already kissed before, and we kissed very briefly that night as well. It was at this point that I realized our current relationship was unsustainable, and we would need to clear things up.
A few days later, at her place, I decide to let her know that I have feelings for her (even though she already knows this). She says that she has a boyfriend, and doesn't want to cheat. She wants to just be friends with me.
I decline the offer of platonic friendship. She is upset with me now...and doesn't understand why we can't just be friends. I've tried explaining that I don't want a platonic friendship with her, and I think it would be unhealthy if I put myself in that situation.
She now thinks I was just trying to get sex out of her...which is untrue(even though I can understand how she came to this solution).
Am I in the wrong here? I feel like it is my right to refuse her friendship, but is it a douchy thing to do?
Thanks for reading | Have romantic feelings for a girl with a boyfriend. She shares feelings but doesnt want to end the relationship. She wants to be just friends. I decline. Am I an ass? |
t3_33je3z | relationships | 23/f broke things off with 32/m because of an insult, and now I'm devastated. | So, my ex and I dated for about 10 months. All through our relationship, he would say things about us getting fit and quitting smoking but never followed through. We were on I love you basis, and were talking about a future together.
The cause of the breakup was him saying I was fat and that I was going to get diabetes. I was completely crushed. I felt betrayed, and that he wasn't attracted to me.
After 1 week, he starts a new relationship, and I have found evidence that he might of been emotionally cheating.
How can I get over this? I still care about him, but I'm so fucking angry/hurt. | bf called me fat so I dumped him, suspected of cheating, but I'm having a hard time moving on. |
t3_1i7bjw | relationships | (18M) have been in long distance relationship with gf (18F) for almost 2 years, uni coming and a lot of stress | Long story short, we met on the internet. Met irl a good amount of times now to the point of her staying in my house for a month. Distance is big, different countries and about 5 hours.
Im madly in love with this girl, and I know for a fact she is too. Our relationship has had its up and downs but its been the best ive had and we are super happy together, despite the distance. We compromise for things, make each other happy, and have a happy life, again despite the distance.
However the idea of uni (despite being experienced with long distance) is making me a little nervous. We are both going to uni, with me going to a go-there-for-classes-only uni and her going to live on the university campus. Having heard of all the relationship horror stories, ive been getting quite stressed over what might happen in the future. I trust her and she trusts me, but the nerves wont go away easily.
To finish, I want to keep being with her and so do I, I guess this post is more to search for some comments regarding uni life so that I can get some solace or get more nervous in the process, haha. | weve been long distance for almost 2 years, we really love each other and are happy. idea of university life is making me nervous and i dont know how to stop that. |
t3_n9dg1 | AskReddit | What is the worst thing you've come across in a public bathroom? | Mine happened back in 6th grade, at one of the bathrooms in my middle school. As soon as I opened the door the smell was awful, but I really had to piss so I continued in. The bathroom is setup in a way that a wall blocks your view of the bathroom from the door and you have to walk past it and turn left to see the urinals/stalls. As I'm walking the smell gets worse, and I turn the corner to see that someone has smeared shit on the walls of the stalls, on the urinals, on the sinks, and even thrown some on the ceiling. I pulled an Abe Simpson and just turned around and walked back out. | I went into a bathroom in my middle school to find that someone had smeared shit on the walls, urinals, sinks, and ceiling. |
t3_2pul8g | relationships | My (31F) boyfriend (32M) snorts my prescription medication and trades them for Adderall. | My boyfriend goes through periods where he orders drugs in the mail and spends a few days high as a kite. He also takes my prescription medication and snorts it (Ativan and Ambien). Recently he told me traded some of my Ativan with a guy at work for Adderall. While he's on drugs there is no reasoning with him. Nothing I say can make him see that what he's doing is wrong. He's all remorse when he's come down though. "I won't do that again, it was so stupid" etc, etc.
We come from very different backgrounds and I've tried to be the understanding, caring and concerned girlfriend. All I feel now when this happens is anger, disgust and disappointment.
I don't think he's an addict because he only does this every couple months, not every day. Would drug counseling/therapy even help? Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
He doesn't have health insurance so I would have to pay for any counseling and I'm strapped as is it; part of the reason I've never suggested it to him. | My boyfriend does drugs recreationally and I don't. I don't want to end the relationship but I also don't want to be with someone who uses/abuses drugs. |
t3_x0pnd | relationships | Men and women of reddit, I need your advice | So here's the thing:
A few weeks ago I (22 year old guy) was introduced to this girl, very pretty and cool but she had a boyfriend. That did not stop me from hitting on her and she seemed really into me as well. The third time we went out with our mutual friend I was succesfull and we finally kissed.
I went on holiday the next day and during that holiday I got a text from her saying she broke up with her boyfriend (of 2,5 years). No big deal, the fact that she kissed me (and another guy a few weeks ago) made it clear their relationship wasnt going anywhere.
Now we've seen eachother a lot and she actually told me her relationship was fine untill I came along.
We sleep together on a very regular basis which is of course cool but I notice her falling for me, hard. She's way too happy being with me and seeks out every excuses to stay at my place as long as possible.
Here's the kicker, I'm not shure if I like her. Its only been going on for a few weeks so its not weird that I am unsure about my feelings for her but the fact that she seems to be head over heels makes me wonder what to do.
Should I break it off with her for her sake because I dont want to hurt her feelings or should I figure out what I want with her with the risk of her getting more and more attached to me?
I would love to hear both a female and male perspective | Girl broke up with boyfriend for me, she is now head over heels but I can't say the same for me. What to do? |
t3_3kz9qs | relationships | I [22 F] am at my wits end with my friend [26 M] using me as his personal counselor for his negativity. | A couple years ago, I started talking to someone I met in a Facebook group. He was nice enough, but it was obvious that he started crushing on me. He "asked me out" and I told him no because I don't do long distance and then he ignored me for a while.
He started talking to me again and I was nice and friendly and helped him with a couple personal issues he had. I was fine with this, but now he doesn't leave me alone and he gets annoyed if I don't answer or I am busy.
I'm in a serious relationship, have a full time job, have my family to deal with and A LOT of my own problems to deal with on my own. Every single time he feels depressed or has a little problem he comes and complains to me. It's quite frequently and it's quite frankly annoying. I feel bad cutting off our friendship, because when he's not in a depressed mood, he is a good friend.
How do I set boundaries with this guy? Should I just cut him off completely? | My internet friend keeps dragging me into his problems and negativity when I'm busy and I need it to stop. How do I set boundaries? |
t3_j3gc9 | jobs | Interviewing for two totally different jobs at same place, I want the second one more. What to do!? | Last week I went through a 6 hour interview process with a search committee about one position at a university. This morning, I did a first round interview with someone in a different office. There will be a second round that I'll be at in the beginning of next week, and they should have their offers out by the end of next week.
The problem is that I should hear from the first job anytime now, possibly even this afternoon.
I'm on unemployment right now (have been since November), and so if I turn down a job, I can lose those benefits. I don't want to do the first job, but I'm not guaranteed the second one yet.
Since they're at the same place, it's not just a situation where I think I can say "sorry, someone offered me a better opportunity," but saying "hey, you offered me a better opportunity" seems weird, too. | Interviewed for two jobs at the same place, likely to get first one, want second one, but not done interviewing. How can I conditionally accept job one, but get out of it if job two comes up? |
t3_3ex64c | relationships | Me [18 F] with my boyfriend [20 M] of one year, how do I help with his self esteem issues? | My boyfriend (I'll call him Drew here) and I have been together for a little over a year now. We met online and are long distance (about 500 miles). We see each other about once every 2 months, but they are 1-2 week long visits and when we are not together we Skype every night/all weekend. I'd say we're very much in love.
Drew has a pretty bad self image. I talk to him about it all the time. He's given me a few reasons for it, and I'll summarize/list them here for time sake:
- He has gained 15-20 pounds since we have gotten together (but so have I!) and is overweight (NOT obese)- this is his biggest reason
- He has troubles with the law over something he didn't do but was charged with- he's on probation now and this makes him feel like a loser
- He's been treated for very mild depression in the past. This is something I can be understanding of.
- He often says I am way too good looking for him, which is completely untrue
All of these things make him feel inadequate/not good enough for me or our relationship. He's is still, in my eyes, the most handsome man in the world. He is loving, understanding, and kind to me and the perfect man in my eyes. I don't care about his legal troubles, I know his character is good and he's very intelligent.
I'm going off to college soon and he sometimes makes remarks like "there's going to be so many guys hitting on you". At first, this was a worried statement, but it turned into more of a slightly sensitive joke. I would never cheat on him, and I think he trusts me enough to know that (he's never shown signs otherwise). All of this, I think, stems from his terrible self-image. What can I do to make him realize just how much I love him? I tell him every day, multiple times a day. How do I help him become happier with himself? I just want my Drew to love himself as much as I do. | My boyfriend has a bad self esteem and doesn't feel good enough for me. How do I make him see how handsome he is to me and how much I love him? |
t3_38j0oo | relationships | Me [25 F] with my _bf__ [30 M] 3 years, When do you know to leave a long term relationship? | Throwaway account; personal question.
I've been dating my BF for 3 years. At first we had some pretty unhealthy behaviors (dirty fighting, manipulating, playing games). We've grown out of that together and it's been great for the past 1.5 years.
Lately, I've found we have the same argument over and over. When he is convinced he is 100% correct on a topic, there's no having a discussion about it at all. Sometimes it's motivations for the things I do. Other times it's as stupid as deciding whether to take a certain trip somewhere or not. He's so stubborn and refuses to even talk, ignoring my messages and calls outright.
In all other departments he's super sweet and caring and understanding.
My question is: At what point is a flaw too much to be overlooked? I know I probably won't find my "perfect man," and I know everyone comes with flaws. | At what point do you accept a flaw in your SO and at what point do you decide that this guy isn't worth this flaw(s)? |
t3_1ywxud | AskReddit | What is a personalized gift/date I could give my boyfriend involving technology and food? | [I hope this is the right subreddit. :)]
My next paycheck will give me extra spending money. I want to really treat my boyfriend in a unique and personalized way with at most $60. [I'm a semi-broke college student, not cheap! Don't judge.]
Here is some information about my boyfriend: He reads Hacker News digest all the time. He is an engineer type with a passion for computer programming which he is focusing on more. He is focused on always improving himself, e.g. time management, efficiency in work and play. We like Game of Thrones, House of Cards, Joe Rogan, and Tim & Eric! He likes hiking. He loves delicious food! (I cook for him quite often now; Indian food is his favorite but I haven't cooked this on my own). He is athletic and down to do most sport activities. Here are some of our go to dates: rock-climbing, bike/hike, cook dinner/breakfast/lunch/all three, dog walk, sexy time.
We will have spring break soon and might have a day or so then to do a trip. I'm looking for really creative ideas that get us to do something new and personalized to him that we can bond over. | Give me your wildest date/gift ideas that I can do with my boyfriend provided it doesn't cost more than $60 and pertains to his interests (tech/outdoors/comedy). |
t3_1q4p4u | relationship_advice | (25/m) My (23/f) girlfriend is getting a half-sleeve on her forearm knowing I don't like tattoos to begin with. Am I an asshole if this is a dealbreaker for me? | She already has several tattoos, her most recent being on the back of her upper arm (the first one that would be visible wearing a dress, which is what I usually consider the boundary line).
Now, she has scheduled an appointment to get her forearm done in a half sleeve. She makes it out like I'm trying to change her, and that its her body and that she can do what she wants with it. But I disagree completely with the first point, and half with the second point.
She knew my feelings on tattoos going into this, and I like her how perfectly fine how she is. In my opinion it is her trying to change me and my opinion on tattoos. I'm not the one giving the ultimatum, she is...the tattoo is happening, and I can either deal with it or it's done. For the 'its her body' thing, well sure...I guess...but when you put it so prominently out there, it affects how **I'M** viewed, and it affects the jobs and careers she can hold which also affect me. This tattoo doesn't just affect her if she takes *us* seriously.
And I kinda feel that it shows that she cares more about how she thinks she looks, rather than how **I** think she looks...which is completely alright. | My gf has several tattoos already, that I deal with, but wants a half-sleeve on her forearm of all places and makes me feel like the bad guy for making this a deal breaker...am I being an asshole? |
t3_255o36 | relationships | My girlfriend [21F] recently found out something in my[24M] past, and it might be causing some problems. | So I've been with my girlfriend for just over a month now officially, and everything is great, I'm pretty smitten. But we were out last weekend with a couple of my friends having some drinks for my Birthday, and one of my friends brought up something from my past in the interest of trying to be funny and embarrass me.
So 18 months to 2 years ago, when I was in my third out of four years at university, I had a particularly drunk night at the union, and had a threesome with two girls. This is what my friend brought up, at which point I then had to explain this to my relatively new girlfriend. I thought that everything was fine at the time, everyone gets too drunk at university and does things they regret, right?
But the day after, she didn't seem too happy with the idea, saying that she didn't know that I was 'that sort of person', and that it would play on her mind now. It all seemed to blow over, and I didn't think anymore of it after a while.
However, when we were speaking today, it came up again, casually. Not wanting it to carry on happening, or have it sitting there like an elephant in the room, I calmly asked her if we could leave it in the past and not mention it, because I'm not proud of it. She responded by telling me that it still played on her mind a lot, it felt like a bit of a deception and that if she'd known from the start, things might not be like this now, I assume referring to our being in a relationship. But she agreed to leave it in the past.
I feel like this is a potential timebomb or something of the like. Am I wrong for thinking that she might be making a bit of a big deal out of it? It was most of two years ago, when my mind was in a very different, much less stable place than it is now, and that is not the sort of person I am at all.
Can some people give me some impartial opinions on this? Cause it's really going to start bugging me now. | relatively new gf found out about a threesome I had in the past, isn't best pleased. How to handle it? |
t3_2v12j9 | relationships | My [25m] (platonic) friend [25m] disappeared? | So I've been friends with this guy since high school, went to college in different places but always hung out when possible. Occasionally we would have a phone conversation with each other but during the periods when we're not in the same city we usually just exchange texts, facebook messages, etc. He was working on a PhD but decided to take a year off to just kind of evaluate things, living back at home.
At any rate, ~3 months ago is the last I've heard anything from him or otherwise had a solid indication he exists. He hasn't responded to any of my attempts to contact him, but also odd is that he has had no activity on facebook for these past months (sounds silly, maybe, but he was always pretty active posting articles or interacting with people there). Yet, when I look at the log of mine and his facebook messages there's a little blurb that says "Active __ Hours Ago" and it's never more than 12hrs old.
At first I was just pissed at him because I thought he was choosing to ignore me, but as time wore on I just became more confused and somewhat concerned. I've tried calling his parents' home but got no answer..
I've never known my friend to take wild turns in his life (i.e. seemingly cutting off contact with his social network). He doesn't have mental health problems either so... I dunno, it's just a very strange occurrence to me. Anyone experience something similar? Suddenly cut contact with others out of the blue? | friend of ~8 years seems to have dropped off the face of the earth - won't respond to attempts at contact, shows no activity online save for "Active __hours ago" on Facebook. Anyone deal with something like this? |
t3_vv0da | relationships | Advice needed to balance being the nice guy in a relationship/smothering her and flat out ignoring her. | 25m 24F
So I had the talk recently where the girlfriend thinks we need a break because she needs to focus on school and work. Her family owns some car dealers and she is on track to run one someday, which is her career goal. I try to support her try to make it clear I don't care about the money involved with dating her.
We have been dating for 5 months now and recently spent two weeks apart, which the day after was when she gave me this talk. We were going to be visiting my parents next week, who live far away and she had never met.
I asked her if it was someone else, or if she decided I was someone she couldn't spend her future with which she said no, she just gets distracted easy and needs to focus on the school which finishes in december.
After analyzing I realize I have become a lot more emotionally attached, make a lot of references to how attracted I am to her, hopeless romantic stuf, asking her too many insecure questions etc, and initiate far too much one on one time with each other. I fear that I may have already ruined it for us but I have high hopes as I told her I care for her, want whats best for her, would give her as much space as she needs, and she knows how to get a hold of me if she needs to.
So going forward, how much contact is too much and how do you show you care without wearing emotions on your sleeve? | relationship may be over, if I get a second chance to not be so smothering/scaring about a future between us, what ways do you distract yourself to not smother her with your feelings. |
t3_1xv99s | relationships | My (16) long distance boyfriend (18) keeps twisting my words. | I'm recently 16 and he's 18. We've been dating since June of last year. I really do care for him and love him very very much. It's almost like we're meant to be. We love all the same things like gaming and music. But sometimes he twists my words around. For example today I asked him through text if he wanted to Skype, seeing as I was home alone and feeling very lonely. He replied with "Are you kidding me? You're gonna say lonely? I can't make you feel unlonely... And it makes me feel like anyone can just come up and just do what I can do...for you"
Oh my god my anxiety kicked in and i started having a very mild panic attack. I told him I didn't mean it like that and that I meant is that I would very much like to have him here physically with me, but seeing as we live far apart Skype is the closest thing to being together. Kee in mind...I was already having a terrible day after having blood drawn and feeling still very sick after that. It toom him 2 hours to finally reply with "See you said Skype is the only thing you have. You're trying to comfort in someone else"
Bam! Even more anxiety! I explained ovrr and over that he's really thr only one who makes me feel better and makes me happy. This isn't the only time this has happened. I'd say it's happened more than a few times...and everytime it does it makes me feel so dumb and stupid and worthless...I just want to be the very best I can be for him but its like no matter what I do I can't be enough. | my 18 year old long distance relationship boyfriend keeps twisting my words which makes me feel like shit. Sorry for some typos. |
t3_4vr1w2 | relationships | How do I [23F] approach a discussion with my partner [24M] about our sex life? NSFW, obviously | I've been with "Mike" for 3 years next month and I want to have a discussion with him about our sex life.
We have sex about once a week now but sometimes there will be stretches of 2-3 weeks because he doesn't really initiate unless it's been a long time. He's quite capable in bed but I think I'm only the second or third woman he's been with sexually. We don't ever have sex twice in one night - after one, he's done. I think this might be because he's never had sex that way before, but he's never wanted to try it with me.
The problem I have is that maybe 7 times out of 10, Mike will orgasm before I get a chance to. When this happens he's pretty much done and does not attempt to get me off before going to sleep. This isn't because he's indifferent, because he apologizes and seems disappointed that he couldn't last long enough for me to have one. But it isn't enough to make him want to reciprocate before going to get cleaned up.
He's tried a few times to go down on me beforehand, but I have trouble orgasming without PIV. And he has trouble NOT orgasming with PIV. For the last few months when this happens, he's even said "You win" to me, as if it were a race to see who could get the other one off first. I'd be fine winning this race if it meant I got to lose some other time. Also this seems kind of insulting to me, as if the deprivation were something I asked for.
I know that there's a lot of sensitivity about this issue so I want to have a discussion with him in an open and constructive way. I don't want him to feel attacked or impotent at all. I just want a fecking orgasm. Any help would be appreciated, Reddit! | Boyfriend comes before me almost every time, and even says "You win" afterward. How do I talk to him about sharing the love without hurting his feelings? |
t3_1p9xnb | relationships | I'm worried that a friend of mine F[20] is emotionally cheating on her LDR with me M[20]. | I've started hanging out with a new friend a decent amount this semester. She's a lot of fun to hang out with, but every once in a while I get the feeling that she is using me as her replacement boyfriend. We end up hanging out with each other almost every 'going out' night because our friend groups have become fairly intertwined. I think she is very cute, but I really don't think it is worth trying to date her in this situation. We have kissed once before when we were both really drunk, but after a brief kiss I shut her down because she has a boyfriend. Any tips on how to establish boundaries so neither of us makes a mistake and we avoid what could be a near catastrophic situation? | Girl with boyfriend likes me (i think). How do I establish boundaries in a platonic relationship like this without making it seem awkward or losing the friendship? |
t3_3p5hzf | tifu | TIFU by a prank backfiring and burning my parents cabin down | Obvious throwaway. This happened about 3 months ago.
We held a summer party at my parents cabin. The cabin is pretty small but it has enough space to fit around 10 people if they are staying overnight.
We had some lack of space because there were around 15 people at the party and everyone was crashing there.
I had a great idea that a few people can sleep at the sauna because it has enough space for maybe 4 to sleep in.
So a few of my mates were passed out there at one point.
I wanted to prank them by heating up the sauna to the point that they woke up to the heat and had to get out.
At some point when the sauna was heating up someone took their shirt off and threw it in on top of the fucking thing.
Yadda yadda yadda some time goes by and they're running out of the room screaming bloody murder and the fire started to spread fast.
I called the fire department but it was too late. The cabin was already ruined.
No-one was hurt though so it's all cool. | Tried pranking my friends by turning up the heat in the sauna to wake them up to the heat. It backfired. |
t3_18qmrr | BreakUps | My ex [22M] and I [23F] broke up a little over a week ago, and masturbating isn't fun anymore. | Our relationship wasn't that long - four months as FWB and three months of dating, but it still sucks to break up. I'm a relatively sexual person - sex three or four times a week is optimal for me. I enjoy giving blow jobs, but I'm not such a fan of oral because it doesn't do much for me (weird, I know). My break up has been somewhat easy. I'm a little sad, and I miss my ex, but I know our break up was for the best and that we'll eventually be friends.
The problem is that for the past week, masturbating hasn't been any fun for me. We didn't have sex for about five days before the break up, so in total, it's been about two weeks. In that amount of time, I'll normally masturbate at least seven times. In reality, I've only attempted it three times, and each time have achieved orgasm, only to have it ruined. I either feel incredibly lonely at not having my ex to have sex with, or just think of him in general which ruins the orgasm. It's similar to freaking yourself out when walking down a dark hallway - you imagine all the scary things in the dark because scumbag brain.
Basically, what can I do to make masturbating fun again? It's mostly just depressing because 1) I feel like a loser for having to do it, because I don't like casual sex and even if I did, I don't have any options for partners, and 2) because it makes me miss my ex boyfriend, even though our sex wasn't even that good. Any advice on how to get the zing back in my relationship with myself? | since breaking up with my boyfriend, masturbating makes me feel lonely and sad, and I want to make it fun again. |
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