def METHOD_NAME(conn):
    # Do not implement `get_all_vars()`, just fetch the ones we need for this check.
    # Without the GLOBAL modifier, SHOW STATUS displays the values that are used for
    # the current connection to MariaDB.
    sql = """
        show global status
        where variable_name like 'Bytes_received'
            or variable_name like 'Bytes_sent'
            or variable_name like 'Com_delete'
            or variable_name like 'Com_insert'
            or variable_name like 'Com_replace'
            or variable_name like 'Com_select'
            or variable_name like 'Com_update'
            or variable_name like 'Connections'
            or variable_name like 'Questions'
            or variable_name like 'Uptime'
            ;
          """
    return lib.base.coe(lib.db_mysql.select(conn, sql))