def METHOD_NAME(self, w, t):
    kw = self.parameters.copy()
    for k, v in kw.items():
        kw[k] = v.value
    for i, name in enumerate(var_names):
        kw[name] = w[:, i]
    # expand = [np.newaxis] * w[i].ndim
    # This ain't pretty, bub
    arrs = []
    for f in hessfuncs:
        hess_arr = np.array(f(**kw))
        if hess_arr.shape != w[:, i].shape:
            hess_arr = np.tile(hess_arr, reps=w[:, i].shape)
        arrs.append(hess_arr)
    hess = np.vstack(arrs)
    return hess.reshape((ndim, ndim, len(w[:, i])))