我如何使用内疚作为做好事的动力
内疚
![](/data/attachment/album/202305/27/201649x9zwpawepddpp71o.jpg)



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> 内疚通常被认为是一种消极的情绪，但通过很好地引导它，你可以取得令人惊讶的成功。
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最近，一位朋友兼同事问我是否有兴趣一起在会议上发言。我很惊喜，因为我对他们展示的项目贡献不大，但我表达了兴趣。我们开会讨论演讲内容，那时我才知道我被邀请参加的真正原因：会议的 [多样性、公平性和包容性（DEI）](https://opensource.com/tags/diversity-and-inclusion) 倡议要求至少有一名发言人不是男性。我被冒犯了。感觉我被邀请参加会议只是因为我的性别，而不是基于我的能力。


我的朋友向我保证，这并不是邀请我的唯一原因。他们需要新的贡献者，因为有很多工作要做，他们希望我可以帮助填补这一空白。


我考虑了一下，并试图理解为什么会有 DEI 的举措。我还想到了硬币的另一面，想做演讲的人不能做演讲，除非他们找到一个来自少数群体的人和他们一起演讲。


当我想到大局和这个机会将给我带来的好处时，我决定放弃我的自我伤害。一旦我放下被冒犯的感觉，我就意识到，我在介绍我没有直接贡献的东西时也感到非常不舒服。我的道德观并不认同这一点。我怎么可能踏上舞台，充当我没有努力过的东西的代言人？


### 决心提供更多帮助


我对这个项目做了一些研究。这项技术对我来说并不完全陌生，而且我很好地掌握了它所要实现的基本原理。事实上，它的总体目标让我感到很兴奋，可以做出贡献。如果做得好，它对用户来说将是超级有用的。


我下定决心，只有当我有机会十倍地回馈社区并成为一个关键的贡献者时，我才会继续这个演讲机会。我的朋友非常愿意帮助我走上这条道路。


带着这个决心，我们提交了我们的演讲。我的共同演讲者都很支持我，让我感到很受欢迎。他们说，只要我对这个项目有兴趣，有热情，其他都不重要。


参加这次会议是一个巨大的机会，它对我产生了如此 [积极的影响](https://opensource.com/article/23/4/tips-tech-conference)。我遇到了很多开源社区的有经验的人，我感到很受鼓舞！我学到了很多新的东西！我从会议上的人和各种小组、会议和讨论中学到了 *很多* 新东西。我们的演讲很顺利，我认为在这样一个大型会议上发表演讲是一个相当大的成就。


然而，会议一结束，我的 *内疚感* 就开始发作了。


### 内疚是一种动力


我觉得我欠这个社区和那些给我这个机会的人。我想专注于我所做的承诺，但在其他更优先的事情的阻碍下，这很难。每当我偏离我的计划时，内疚感就会让我坚持下去。它提醒我，我必须回馈给我这样一个好机会的社区。经过几个月的挣扎和折腾，我可以自豪地说，我没有放弃。今天，我是这个项目的一个积极贡献者。


我喜欢它带来的挑战，我喜欢解决项目领域中的一些关键问题。我还能够带头在我们的下游生态系统中实施这个上游项目。作为锦上添花，我再次被邀请与团队一起展示，并向社区介绍项目的最新情况。这一次，不是因为 DEI 的倡议，因为比例已经平衡了。


感到内疚毕竟不是那么糟糕！


我很高兴我抓住了这个机会，我也很高兴这对每个参与者来说都是一个双赢的局面。如果没有人找我做共同主持人，我可能永远也不会参与这个项目，那将是多么大的失误啊！我很感激这些人！我很感谢那些给我这个机会并支持我的人。


我可能不是唯一面临这种情况的女性。我想告诉所有的女性，如果这样的机会出现，没有必要感到内疚，或者你“欠”别人的，或者任何形式的压力。如果你确实感到这种压力，那么就把这种情绪变成一种武器，用它来做好事！


这样就和标题联系起来了吗？因为我说的是我如何把这种内疚感作为一种动力，但也说首先不要感到任何内疚、


另一方面，不确定我们是否应该将文章的标题改为“DEI 机会在开始时可能不舒服，但有优势”之类的东西？无论如何，我对这篇文章总体上是满意的！


*（题图：MJ/19d2ee02-eaf1-4cd7-8bd2-0be83466b2fc）*




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via: <https://opensource.com/article/23/4/guilt-motivation>


作者：[Surya Seetharaman](https://opensource.com/users/its-surya) 选题：[lkxed](https://github.com/lkxed/) 译者：[geekpi](https://github.com/geekpi) 校对：[wxy](https://github.com/wxy)


本文由 [LCTT](https://github.com/LCTT/TranslateProject) 原创编译，[Linux中国](https://linux.cn/) 荣誉推出


OK
Recently, I was asked by a friend and colleague if I were interested in speaking together at a conference. I was pleasantly surprised because I hadn't contributed much to the project they were presenting, but I expressed interest. We met to discuss the presentation, and that's when I learned the real reason I was asked to participate: The conference's [diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI)](https://opensource.com/tags/diversity-and-inclusion) initiatives required there to be at least one speaker that does not identify as a man. I was offended; it felt like I was approached only because of my gender, not based on merit.

My friend assured me that wasn't the only reason I'd been asked. They needed new contributors to the project because there was a lot of work to be done, and they were hoping I could help fill that gap.

**[ Want to create your own event? Read the 10-step guide for a successful hackathon ]**

I gave it some thought and tried to understand why the DEI initiatives were in place. I also thought about the other side of the coin, where the people who wanted to present couldn't, unless they found someone from a minority group to present alongside them.

As I thought about the bigger picture and the benefits this opportunity would bring to me, I decided to forego my ego being hurt. Once I let go of feeling offended, I realized that I was also feeling very uncomfortable presenting something that I hadn't contributed directly to. My ethics didn't agree with that. How could I possibly step onto a stage and act as the face of something I hadn't worked on?

## Resolving to help more

I did some research on the project. The technology was not totally alien to me, and I had a good grasp of the fundamentals it was trying to achieve. In fact, its overall goal made me feel excited to contribute. If done well, it would be super useful to users.

I made a resolution that I would go ahead with this speaking opportunity only if I got the opportunity to give back to the community tenfold and become a key contributor. My friend was more than willing to help me on that journey.

With that resolve, we submitted our talk. My co-presenters were supportive and made me feel welcome. They said that as long as I was interested and had a passion for the project, nothing else mattered.

**[ Also read How I returned to open source after facing grief ]**

Participating in the conference was a huge opportunity, and it had such a [positive impact](https://opensource.com/article/23/4/tips-tech-conference) on me. I met a lot of experienced people across the open source community and I felt inspired! I learned a *lot* of new things from the people and the various panels, sessions, and discussions at the conference. Our presentation went well, and I consider giving a talk at such a big conference quite an achievement.

However, once the conference was over the *guilt* started kicking in.


## Guilt as a motivator

I felt like I owed the community and the people who had given me this chance. I wanted to focus on the promise I'd made, but it was hard with other higher-priority things getting in the way. Whenever I deviated from my plan, the guilt kept me on track. It reminded me that I had to give back to the community that had given me such a good opportunity. After a few months of struggling and juggling, I can proudly say that I didn't give up. Today, I'm an active contributor to that project.

I love the challenges it presents, and I enjoy solving some of the key issues in the project's area. I also have been able to take the lead in implementing this upstream project in our downstream ecosystem. As icing on the cake, I was again invited to present with the team and give the community updates for the project. This time, it was not because of a DEI initiative, as the ratio was already balanced.

Feeling guilt isn't so bad after all!

I'm glad that I took the opportunity, and I'm glad it turned out to be a win-win situation for everyone involved. If I hadn't been approached about being a co-presenter, I probably would have never gotten involved in this project, and that would have been such a miss! I'm grateful to the people who gave me this chance and supported me.

I'm probably not the only woman who has faced this. I want to tell all the women out there if such an opportunity presents itself, there's no need to feel guilt, or that you "owe" anyone or any kind of pressure. If you feel such pressure, turn that emotion into a weapon and do good with it! I encourage you to take the opportunity if it will benefit you and make the most out of it. Later on, if you can do the same for another person and uplift them, that’s how you can really pay back to the community. After all, this is what open source community is all about. It's as much about the people as is about the technology being built!

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