This is the discussion related to the wiki page	In The Clutches Of Life.
But its definitely the end of the world.
First article from team "I don't wanna die".
Thanks to my teammates, as well as Jazstar and DarkStuff for reviewing this!
Live long and… well let's just leave it at that.
If you want to read more stuff by me, you can find it here!
Did you draw inspiration from Torchwood? It's really well done and the shock factor is played subtly but well.
Did you draw inspiration from Torchwood?
I loved this in chat, and I love this here. The juxtaposition of the two storylines is masterfully handled, resulting in the perfect mix of poignancy and horror by the end of the tale. I'm looking forward to seeing how the rest of this doomsday plays out! (Words I thought I'd never type in my life).
I honestly couldn't follow this. The parts that weren't Joyce looking after her father, I couldn't figure out what the relationship was or who was who, or what was going on. I even had difficulty following Joyce's scenes. So it's probably just me. Fixed a typo for ya, though.
Oh, thanks for the typo catch! Sorry you couldn't quite follow along. Sorry to hear you couldn't quite follow. I kinda knew the risk with jumping between the two narratives that maybe people would lose track of who was what. Hopefully the rest of our entries will be easier to follow!
The descriptions of the MTF agent after being hit with the weapon are fucked up in a great way. I’m looking forward to seeing where you take this concept next.
This didn't really grab me, in any way. I found myself skimming about halfway through. Maybe I'm just tired, but this really didn't have an impact for me.
I'm onboard with Seagull here, i found the article choppy to say the least. I wasn't particularly intrigued by the dialog either. The Scenario that the article starts out with is killer in concept, but sadly, very very poorly preformed. Normally i'd be moved by such an introduction, but i just wasn't and therefor didn't have it in me to hold the remainder of the article to a impartial regard. Some specifics of why i disliked it.
There is nothing more laborious then reading a setting in layman's terms, unless it's intriguingly put into layman's terms. I'm bored to death by reading though the first paragraph of this because i can't visualize any of it. Perhaps if this article started with "I'm your daughter" "Wha-, I have no daughter! I have sons! Two sons!" you could have gotten me interested. But it doesn't it starts with witty or interesting dialogue, it starts with a setting thats boring to read.
On the subject of the dialogue itself, it seems to be drawn-out and simplified. While that would be fine if it where, say, a dialogue that established characters thought as feelings, its not that, it is a continues dialogue without any kind of hook.
Come one, you can come up with better descriptive text then: "The heartbeat monitor".
There is nothing more laborious then reading a setting in layman's terms, unless it's intriguingly put into layman's terms.
I'm confused what you mean by this. Are you saying it is boring to read a direct description of a setting? I don't really know how I could've spiced it up without being circuitous, and its only 4 sentences, so its not like that paragraph is very long. Sure, it's not poetry, but I don't understand what makes the opening so boring for you.
While I generally appreciate critique, I do not appreciate when the critique becomes "you're better than this". Mostly because it implies that you don't think I tried in the first place. In this particular circumstance, I'm curious what you think would have been better than "The heartbeat monitor", especially given that is the correct term for what I'm describing.
The juxstaposition between the two storylines works really well in setting the tone for your scenario and the series moving forward.