| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Welcome to my little corner of Fleatown! My name is Lalee. You here to buy or sell? Don't tell me, let me guess... You're here about <em>diamonds</em>, right? I got a <em>good nose</em> for diamond traders - they smell like dirt, sweat, and blood. Or maybe that's just your clothes. Errr, no offense, of course. | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Have you found the necklace of Madam Lecoq? Please, tell me you got it! | |
| [Keyword: We have the necklace] | |
| Broker: Let me see it! Oh, looking good! I can't wait to see how much I can squeeze out of those diamond-hungry <em>Adonis</em> fools for it! But I am getting ahead of myself. How do you feel about letting it go for <em>three grand</em>? | |
| [Keyword: Okay, here it is] | |
| Broker: That's the way to strike a deal! Boom, and it's done! Here, take the money plus a little present in appreciation for not wasting my time. Hope you like it! | |
| Red: May have left a wee bit of money on the table, but the vest will come in handy. | |
| Fox: I do like presents, especially ones I can put on... and then take off. | |
| Gus: I'll take a Kevlar vest over a dang necklace any day! | |
| Nails: A Kevlar vest, huh? It's cute, but not my type. | |
| [Keyword: Fifty grand!] | |
| Broker: Fifty!? You see the Hope Diamond on this thing or something? No. Best I can do is ten grand. | |
| Tex: Then we go sell somewhere else! | |
| Raven: I'll tell you what I DO see - a robbery in progress! | |
| Scope: We had to ruin a good deal of fine upholstery to find this thing, you know. | |
| Blood: A lot of blood was spilled over this necklace... or at least, there could be. | |
| Broker: But, wait. No. For you, I can do better. Probably wasn't easy finding it, right? You deserve a little extra for that! <em>Twelve grand</em>. | |
| Tex: Good thing I know how to haggle! | |
| [Keyword: Make it twenty] | |
| Buns: We have already paid you a diamond for the information that has lead us to finding this necklace. We are not, however, bound by contract to sell it to you. | |
| Raider: That necklace looks valuable. Maybe we should consider finding its rightful owner. | |
| Sidney: Allow me to clarify. You were good enough to sell us the information regarding this object. However, since a price for the object was not stipulated at the time, we are not bound to solely consider your offer... | |
| Broker: You certainly know how to haggle. Shall we agree to <em>fifteen grand</em>? It's refreshing to meet someone who can really play this game. Haggling is better than chess, change my mind! | |
| [Keyword: Adonis?!] | |
| Broker: Since they lost control of their mines, they've been gobbling up all the diamonds that appear on the black market. The fools are paying top dollar! Diamonds make people crazy. | |
| Raven: I hadn't noticed. | |
| Blood: Typical colonizer move. | |
| Fauda: They seek to accomplish their objective through other means. Makes sense. | |
| [Keyword: Still searching for it] | |
| Broker: You come to me first if you find it, okay? You won't find a better deal anywhere else, and besides, don't forget that I was the one who tipped you off, eh? | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: My friends! I heard that <em>Boss Blaubert</em> wants to meet you. You won't forget your old friend Lalee now that you're swimming with the big fish, eh? | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Found a chair but no necklace, eh? Don't get discouraged! | |
| Fauda: We have more important things to do than playing your game of chairs. | |
| Thor: Oh, I never get discouraged. That's what my breathing exercises are for. | |
| Meltdown: I ain't discouraged. You'll know when I get discouraged. Stuff usually blows up. | |
| Broker: I'm telling you, the necklace is inside the lining of one of those chairs! Keep looking! Find the <em>diamond necklace</em>, bring it to me and I'll give you a good price for it. | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Well hello, my friends! You need <em>information</em>, or you just love to see my face? | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Well hello, my friends! I just came up with a great new concept. I call it <em>subscription</em>. You give me a diamond a month, and in return I will mail you a loot box! Great idea, isn't it? | |
| Red: That's a crock o'shit, lad. I willnae be buyin' somethin' I dinnae need, ye ken? | |
| Meltdown: Last guy who tried to sell me a subscription got a magazine jammed up his ass. | |
| Igor: I am already subscribed to vodka-of-the-month club. | |
| Broker: Are you here to buy <em>loot boxes</em>, or you need <em>information</em>? | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Well hello, my friends! Tell me what you think of this: the <em>season pass</em>! You give me a lot of diamonds up front, and I will give you a lot of loot boxes at some point in the future! Sounds exciting, eh? | |
| Buns: So we don't even get a cat in a sack for our money, but only the promise of a potential cat in a sack?! | |
| Broker: Exactly! This is the future of commerce! | |
| Igor: What about opposite: You give me vodka. I drink all of it. Next day, you come for payment while I have hangover. I guarantee you get biggest deal of your life. | |
| Grunty: Ach! So complicated! I would rather go back to the barter system. | |
| Grizzly: Only season pass I have is for football - the MANLY kind of football, not this sissy-footsy ball you got over here. | |
| Broker: Are you here to buy <em>loot boxes</em>, or you need <em>information</em>? | |
| [Keyword: Greeting] | |
| Broker: Well hello, my friends! You know, diamonds are great, but with so many people trying to control mining, cutting, selling... bleh! It's confusing! I'm thinking I should introduce a new kind of currency - an electric currency - controlled by just me, trustworthy Lalee! I call it <em>shitcoins</em>! Working title. | |
| Mouse: In that case, why don't you give me the diamonds and you keep your... er, whatever it is you called it. | |
| Livewire: Well, you will need some kind of a public ledger, as well as some way to encrypt and broadcast the transactions... Hmm, I'll give it some thought. | |
| Wolf: Yeah, you might want to workshop that title a bit. | |
| Broker: Are you here to buy <em>loot boxes</em>, or you need <em>information</em>? | |
| [Keyword: What information?] | |
| Broker: Oh, I happen to know all sorts of things. If you would be kind enough to grant me a <em>tiny diamond</em>, trusty Lalee will tell you a secret. What do you say? Trade what's in my head for what's in your pockets? | |
| Vicki: A whole diamond for your pep talk? You be crazy, mon. | |
| Len: If it's good intel, it's a deal. If it's not, then we might have a problem. | |
| Shadow: I give you a diamond and you give me a story? Better be one hell of a story. | |
| [Keyword: What information?] | |
| Broker: I know what's cooking! One <em>tiny diamond</em> for each recipe, my friends. | |
| [Keyword: How do we get rich?] | |
| Broker: Save your money and never get sick. Next question. I am joking with you, of course! It just so happens your friend Lalee has a little get-rich-quick scheme you might be interested in... | |
| [Keyword: Something about Smiley] | |
| [Keyword: Something about Smiley] | |
| Broker: I knew it! You are after the boy! You're not the only one. A group of smugglers went after his girl and he <em>killed</em> one of them. They were ready to cut him down on the spot! | |
| Ivan: Молодец! | |
| Grizzly: Kid's got balls. | |
| Wolf: Sticks up for his girl, huh? I like him already. | |
| Kalyna: Like a prince from a fairy tale! | |
| Broker: I don't blame the boy - the <em>Carnival Queen</em> from <em>Pantagruel</em> is quite a treat. He was about to get sliced into pieces, but Boss Blaubert himself intervened and told the smugglers to get out. You should have seen their faces! | |
| Nails: Me, I'm starting to like this Boss. | |
| Fox: I'm sure this "Boss" was eying the girl. | |
| Hitman: That worked? No wonder they call him the Boss. | |
| Magic: Smooth. Boss likes things chill on his turf. | |
| Broker: And now comes the spicy part: the chick is with <em>Boss Blaubert</em> now! If you want to find her - Mollie, I think is her name - then check Blaubert's place down in <em>Rimville</em>. Be careful, though. The Boss doesn't like trespassers! | |
| Fox: A-ha! | |
| Kalyna: A captured princess! But what of the prince... er, I mean, Smiley. | |
| Omryn: This story is long. Is there popcorn? | |
| Broker: As for the boy, my exquisite nose tells me my friend <em>Father Tooker</em> knows more about him than he lets on. Uh, don't tell him I said so, though. | |
| [Keyword: The secrets of this town] | |
| Broker: Geez, I could write a book on that topic, and it wouldn't be enough to cover it! Where should I start? | |
| Buns: When writing books, I start with an outline, followed by a glossary of terms, followed by a list of contributing sources. When those are complete, I... | |
| Broker: Never mind the book. It was just a joke, eh? | |
| Broker: Hmm, I think I know what you might be interested in. Come on, give me your map. | |
| [Keyword: What is the meaning of life?] | |
| Broker: Oh, that's an easy one! It's 42. Next question! | |
| Nails: Listen up, you little shit. How about you stop playing games with me, and I don't break your pretty nose. Deal? | |
| Fidel: How about Fidel break that many bones in your body? | |
| Meltdown: Are you trying my patience, dumbass? | |
| Broker: Okay, okay, I was just joking! Here, have your diamond back, and another one as a way to say "I'm sorry". We're friends again, yeah? | |
| Nails: We've never been buds, and we'll never be. | |
| Meltdown: We're not "friends", it's just me not kicking you in the nuts. | |
| Fidel: You want that?! Friends of Fidel, they no live very long. | |
| [Keyword: What is the meaning of life?] | |
| Broker: Oh, that's an easy one! It's 42. Next question! | |
| Vicki: That be a very dumb joke, mon. Give us our diamond back! | |
| Grizzly: Nerd jokes? Man, we didn't fork over a diamond for nerd jokes. | |
| Scope: That joke was old when I was young. You expect us to pay for that? | |
| Broker: Come on, you asked a question! It was a fair deal. | |
| Red: Pushing yer luck, ye ken? | |
| Livewire: Actually, looking at the question from a computer programming perspective, this answer is really quite correct. | |
| Mouse: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. | |
| [Keyword: Can you forge a passport?] | |
| Broker: Sure! No problem, my friends! Just tell me the name. Oh, it will cost you <em>one diamond</em>, please. | |
| [Keyword: Forge a passport for Karen Gosling] | |
| Broker: Here you go, even better than the real McCoy. | |
| [Keyword: Read this Maquis Manifesto] | |
| Broker: Nice paper, very soft to the touch. Not many readers around here, but everybody poops, right? You got any more of these? Most people haven't had a good wipe in years. This is the new shit, everyone will love it! | |
| Barry: I have no love for communism, but I do not think manifesto was meant to be personal hygiene aid. | |
| Broker: Communists believe in propaganda. I believe in supply and demand! | |
| Grizzly: Fuck yeah! Another victory for capitalism! | |
| Igor: Well, at least the proletariat will have good hygiene. We will call it a win for comrade Lenin. | |
| [Keyword: Are you buying diamonds?] | |
| Broker: Not buying. No, no. Trading! If you have diamonds, I have some very special items you may be interested in acquiring. You see, I have an innovative approach which one day will become the future of commerce! I'm trading only in <em>loot boxes</em>! | |
| [Keyword: Loot boxes?!] | |
| Broker: Oh yes!... | |
| [Keyword: Loot boxes] | |
| Broker: Just one <em>tiny diamond</em> for a box, my friend! There could be anything inside. Definitely won't be nothing. | |
| [Keyword: Remind us about these “loot boxes”] | |
| Broker: A <em>loot box</em> is a box of mystery! Maybe you'll find a pile of treasure or maybe you'll find a pair of dirty underwear. Who knows? Fun, right? No money involved - just <em>one tiny diamond</em> buys you a box. Buy as many boxes as you like! | |
| Ivan: Idiot game for idiots. | |
| Fauda: Just so we're clear - if you sell me a box of dirty underwear, I'll make you eat it. | |
| Larry: Is this gambling? Sounds like gambling. I'm in! | |
| [Keyword: Where do we get diamonds?] | |
| Broker: You should go to my good friend <em>Father Tooker</em> in La Boue! The holy man buys and sells diamonds to support his hobby of saving the souls of the needy - which is good, because those poor buggers are DAMN needy! | |
| Barry: The Father has strange ideas, but he has good heart. | |
| Thor: I'm guessing you don't get much sensitivity training around here. | |
| Grunty: Everyone needs a hobby. Mine is collecting early twentieth century clown paraphernalia. | |
| Broker: And I'm proud to say that I'm contributing to his noble mission by helping him <em>resell</em> any gems he manages to find. | |
| [Keyword: What is your deal with Father Tooker?] | |
| Broker: Oh, I'm glad you asked! You see, he pays about 600 per gem. If he resells them to the <em>smugglers</em>, they'd give him merely 400 per gem. That's why he makes a deal with <em>my generous person</em> for 900. Are you following me? | |
| Vicki: Okay... | |
| Buns: I already have questions... | |
| Ice: With you so far... | |
| Broker: Then he pays 100 more to <em>Boss Blaubert</em> in exchange for protection against acts of God and whatnot, and keeps the remaining 200 for his church. Then I sell the gems to the <em>smugglers</em> for only 400 a piece, because they are my friends and everyone must make a profit! | |
| Vicki: What the... | |
| Buns: My questions have multiplied... | |
| Ice: Hold up, homes. You lost me. | |
| Broker: The <em>smugglers</em> sell to the <em>Boss</em> for 500 a piece, which he can pay because he's rich. He then resells all the gems to <em>Adonis</em> at 600 each, which they'll pay, because they prefer to deal with the boss instead of all the small fish. | |
| Vicki: What the hell, mon?! | |
| Buns: Did you just say Adonis? | |
| Ice: Yeah, okay. That last part I got. | |
| Broker: Finally, Adonis pays me 600 as a broker's fee, and everyone is happy, because everyone gets their share! Simple, right? | |
| Vicki: So, you be nothing more than a middle-man. | |
| Broker: I prefer to think of myself as a facilitator who oils the wheels of commerce! | |
| Buns: So, you're just using everyone to make money off of Adonis? | |
| Broker: Why not? They're the ones with the money. | |
| Ice: Ain't you afraid someone will find out you're cheating everyone? | |
| Broker: Who's cheating? Everyone sacrifices a little profit to make sure everyone makes a little profit. | |
| [Keyword: You mentioned Adonis?] | |
| Broker: They used to control the diamond mines until the Legion pushed them out. They must miss their <em>diamonds</em>, because lately they've been buying them off the black market in bulk! Nice people with deep pockets who let everyone get their share! | |
| Magic: Nice people with deep pockets are my very favorite kind of people. | |
| DrQ: Deep pockets often hide deep secrets. | |
| Omryn: They seem nice. Hey, do you sell snacks? You should sell snacks. | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Happily! Just one <em>tiny diamond</em> per loot box! Don't have any? Go buy some from Father Tooker! | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: There you go! Do you like it? This here is a powerful substance, my friends - it prolongs life, grants visions of the future, and makes your eyes blue! You might have to take a lot of it to make that last thing happen. | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Hmm, looks like a dead cat. Well, that's the mystery of the loot box for you! Could have just as easily been a live one, but it wasn't. | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Whoa! Damn, that cat scared the poop out of me! How did it even survive in there? Well, that's the mystery of the loot box. Could have just as easily been a dead cat, but it wasn't. | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: BANG! He-he, made you jump! I'm sure you'll have a blast with those. | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Well, I guess you'll get some use out of those. Me, I don't like guns. I prefer loot boxes! Care to try again? | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Well, that's... You know, I'm not sure how that even fit in there. Well, that's the mystery of the loot box for you! | |
| Igor: He-he, my favorite toy. I will call it "Legion Surprise"! | |
| Ivan: Наконец-то этот идиот продал нам что-то стоящее. | |
| Ice: Now that's what I call a good deal! | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Oh, a comic book collection! Good quality paper, too. Good for reading, that is, not for wiping. Too much ink. | |
| Larry: I love it, man! | |
| Larry_Clean: I love it, man! | |
| MD: Oh, hey! Neat! | |
| Kalyna: Now THIS is a treasure! | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Oh, that's... You know, I have no idea what that is. Behold, the mystery of the loot box! Care to try again? | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Hmm, this came as a shipment from <em>Ille Morat</em>. There is this weird mechanic lives down around there... | |
| [Keyword: Sell us a loot box] | |
| Broker: Oh, this seems to be our promotional package, my friends! You pay one diamond, and you get back two! | |
| [Keyword: Be careful about your nose] | |
| Red: Ya know what's bad about your good nose? Someone may break it for smelling too much. | |
| Nails: You want that nose of yours smashed? | |
| Broker: Non-non... | |
| Nails: Then don't play the smart guy. | |
| Hitman: That's funny. I don't like so much you being funny. | |
| Broker: No need to get worked up, my friends. I can't help myself. My nose is specially designed for smelling useful <em>information</em>. | |
| Red: Don't worry, lad, I can fix it. | |
| Broker: It would be a shame to damage such an exquisite tool! | |
| [Keyword: Remind us about the twelve chairs] | |
| Broker: This is the story: some years ago <em>twelve special chairs</em> from the mansion of the late Madam Lecoq in Pantagruel were sold right here in this very market. | |
| Len: We don't deal in stolen goods. | |
| Broker: They weren't stolen! It was an estate sale. Now listen: | |
| Reaper: Special how? Were they constructed out of the bones of her ancestors? | |
| Broker: What?! No! Why would you even think that? Nevermind. I don't want to know. Just listen: | |
| Ice: He-he... Madam Lecock? | |
| Broker: It's pronounced "Lecoq." Now listen: | |
| Broker: Rumor has it that good old Madam Lecoq sewed her priceless <em>brilliant diamond necklace</em> into one of those chairs! In a journal an associate of mine just recovered, she admitted doing this because she feared Pantagruel commies would rob her. Sadly, she left no clue as to which chair she used! | |
| Vicki: Why you be telling us that, mon? | |
| Magic: Sounds to me like you need a personal shopper, not a merc. | |
| Wolf: Now comes the part where you tell us the chairs were bought by a bloodthirsty warlord. | |
| Broker: Look, I'd track them down myself, but I'm no treasure hunter. You, on the other hand, I bet you've got what it takes to get that necklace. Bring it to me and you'll get both a good price and the undying gratitude of me - trusty Lalee! | |
| Fauda: But this necklace was property of the old woman. Does her family not search for it? | |
| Broker: Don't worry, she's got no living heirs. | |
| MD: You... You think I've got what it takes? I mean, of course! Of course, I do! | |
| [Keyword: Where do we find those chairs?] | |
| Broker: I know for sure that two of the chairs were given as "good will" gifts to <em>Boss Blaubert</em>. You're lucky, because one of them is right here in his villa! The other one is probably in <em>Rimville</em>. | |
| Broker: Speaking for myself, I wouldn't touch something that belongs to the guy who practically owns Fleatown, but you... well, I'm betting the boss doesn't scare someone like you, he-he! | |
| Reaper: Fear is a commodity bought and sold at auction, where the loudest voice gets the most. | |
| Broker: I like that! I'm not sure what it means, but I like it! | |
| Buns: I haven't been scared since I was a little girl. Mommy forgot it was class picture day and dressed me in overalls. I don't like to talk about it. | |
| Broker: I'll make a note never to bring it up. | |
| Grizzly: I eat fear for breakfast and crap bullets in the afternoon. | |
| Broker: You may want to see a doctor about that. | |
| [Keyword: Goodbye] | |
| Broker: Goodbye, my friends! |