A group of friends buy and move into an old Long Island house, where 12 years earlier, a priest was brutally murdered by a teenager who hanged himself before he could be tried by the police. Soon, the newcomers encounter strange and eventually fatal spectral visitations. Will any of them be intelligent enough to get out before the Amityville curse claims them?<br /><br />'The Amityville Curse' bears about as much resemblance to 'The Amityville Horror' as a polar bear with lipstick does to Marilyn Monroe. It's little more than a generic haunted house tale dressed up with the Amityville banner - and when I say 'dressed up', I mean with the same amount of effort put into making a Kalahari bushman pass for a diving instructor by giving him a snorkel. Setting the events in Amityville and one throwaway line from a yokel in a bar about a kid murdering his parents doesn't make an Amityville film.<br /><br />But, I reasoned with myself, what the hell - maybe it'll be like 'Halloween III: Season Of The Witch', which had nothing whatsoever to do with Michael Myers, but was an enjoyable film in its own right. Unfortunately, a hackneyed and incoherent script, annoyingly drawn characters and torturous acting very quickly dashed that optimism against the rocks. Still, 'The Amityville Curse' does helpfully offer up suggestions on things you could be doing that would be less painful than watching it, like being menaced by domestic pets, playing with poisonous chemicals, or maybe having someone frisbee sharp cutting equipment into various parts of your body.<br /><br />Pretty much the only positive I can think of is the sultry presence of Cassandra Gava, who, unlike Kim Coates, seems to be putting some genuine effort into her part - possibly just to make the time go by quicker. There is some genuine acting talent in here, but they are unsurprisingly not inspired to prove this at any time by the script to hand, preferring to let Dawna Wightman crank up the hysterics to 10.<br /><br />Certainly, this isn't the first time I've asked myself why a film was made - I've seen 'Children Of The Corn VI', but 'The Amityville Curse' is definitely another head-scratcher. Its lazy, peripheral attempt to hang onto the coattails of the Amityville franchise only underscores a message we didn't need to learn - you can't staple a couple of Kraft singles to a tomato and call it a lasagne. Likewise, it isn't a decent horror film in its own right. If there truly is a curse here, it's brought to life every time someone decides to watch this thing.