1. I must care about the hero.<br /><br />In James Bond, for example, I know he is a vain, brainless army officer with a line in feeble sexist jokes, but I know he is going to get involved in some spectacular antics fighting a mad villain before he's off. In AGENTS SECRETS I couldn't be bothered with the hero at all. He was cold, uncaring, without gaglines or any other idiosyncracies. He might as well have been the villain. The attempt to set the French government up as good guys was laughable.<br /><br />2. The hero must encounter a major hurdle and overcome it.<br /><br />AGENTS SECRETS has no hurdle to speak of. At one point he is kidnapped, but his escape is over within half a minute. I was utterly indifferent to his fate.<br /><br />3. Boy must get girl.<br /><br />The girl said at the end she was "Empty, utterly empty". In other words our hero bought a bill of goods. No warm cuddles and dozens of babies for him. The two murderers drive into the hills and leave me unmoved.<br /><br />Break these rules and your film will be a total turkey. Like beyond pathetic, however much money you throw at it.<br /><br />Zero out of ten. Sorry.