I'm usually pretty forgiving when it comes to romantic comedies, especially those out of Hollywood. They often are borderline insipid, clichéd, predictable, and dull-witted, but those that aren't completely inept still manage to entertain to varying degrees. Unfortunately, "My Mom's New Boyfriend" falls way below the grade and fails even at being mildly amusing.<br /><br />First, it isn't necessary for a movie like this to be smart or particularly realistic, but it should have some integrity so that we can actually believe in the characters. Here, in the prologue, we see Henry Durand (Colin Hanks), who clearly has a close relationship with his Mom, Marty (Meg Ryan), leaving home and Mom behind to start a job with the FBI. Flash forward three years, and Henry returns home -- apparently, without even once having visited or talked to his Mom in all that time. Now I'm sure the FBI requires a certain amount of secrecy, but it sure doesn't require its agents to cut off all communication with their nearest and dearest for three years. Right off the bat, the phoniness of the set-up sinks any chance at viewer empathy with any of the characters.<br /><br />Second, the characters themselves are about the most unlikeable I can think of in any romantic comedy I've ever seen. I'd rather spend a weekend locked in a cell with Barbara Stone (Bette Midler's character in "Ruthless People") than 15 minutes with the insufferably egotistical, vapid Marty Durand. Ryan is just awful here, and I usually enjoy her performances. She badly overplays Marty's zany qualities with ticks and vocal histrionics that are way over-the-top, and she seems to have lost whatever limited gifts she had for physical comedy. Maybe the knife slipped and the surgeons cut something else out when they were redesigning her face. She looks like she's trying to look like Michelle Pfeiffer and failing miserably. It has to be the worst performance of her career, and probably the worst of the year. Hanks, perhaps trying to counterweight Ryan's annoying performance, is as lifeless as a paperweight. He glowers and scowls through the film. Neither Antonio Banderas nor Selma Blair have enough to do to make much of an impression, though Banderas manages at least to be somewhat charming through the muddle of the storyline. Actually, the only genuinely funny performance in the film is from Trevor Morgan, in a small part as a young stud Ryan dates.<br /><br />The film piles bad jokes one on top of the other and beats to death what wasn't particularly funny the first time -- the Italian chef who pines for Marty, the FBI agents' jokes about how hot Marty supposedly is, etc. I guess it does this because it has nothing else to do. There's just nothing going on here, no romance, almost no comedy, certainly no suspense, and we lost logic in the first five minutes. The only thing that can recommend this movie is seeing the crack-up of a once gifted actress. There's a certain fascination in that, Ryan's performance is a slow-moving train wreck. I hope she gets it together and comes back in better form next time.