Hollywood's remake machine still droning on, and eighties semi-classic Friday the 13th is the latest film to get the unwelcome treatment. I can't say I'm a massive fan of the Friday the 13th series; certainly it's one of the better slasher film examples, but that's not saying much in a niche so lacking in good films. However, compared to this remake; the original Friday the 13th is like Ferrari compared to Ford, it's Led Zeppelin to the Spice Girls; Mario Bava to Michael Bay. To say this update is poor would be a gross understatement. The plot is, of course, just your basic slasher fare. The scene is set at Camp Crystal Lake; where a bunch of kids have travelled to camp in the woods and steal some of the local weed that grows wild in the area. It's not long before there's a discussion about the legend of Jason Voorhees, and shortly thereafter all the kids are butchered. A while later, someone named Clay sets off on his motorbike to look for his sister (who was one of the kids from the start) and he meets some other kids who are there to be slaughtered.<br /><br />The film is a remake of Friday the 13th, but effectively it's a mish-mash of ideas from the first few films of the series. The plot involving Jason's mother is briefly skipped over in the first few minutes as the producers knew they couldn't market a movie without Jason Voorhees in it. There's also a scenario where Jason finds a hockey mask and puts it on, which feels completely out of place. Obviously the producers knew Jason had to wear the mask so they could put it on the posters, but it would have been less silly if he was just wearing it from the start. None of the characters are interesting at all, and only one is memorable. I don't remember his name but he's the one doing a Tom Cruise impression. Director Marcus Nispel (who did quite well with the TCM remake) expertly captures the modern horror MTv music video style, and this basically glosses over any attempt the film makes to be shocking/scary. There's some gore but it doesn't make any impact. There's also some RIDICULOUS idea about Jason taking a prisoner, which was obviously put in the movie to dampen it and ensure that it got the 'R' rating, which helps the producers to make more money. Overall, this is an absolutely abysmal effort that does no justice to the original and was clearly made to cash in. Luckily, it didn't cost me anything to see (but I still want my money back!)