Filmed largely on location in Chicago and helmed by Columbia College graduates Michael Ojeda and Joel Goodman, Lana's Rain is supposedly about two refugees from the Bosnia war moving to Chicago and trying to make their way in this strange new world. Instead, it is simply every late-night cable movie you have seen in your whole life chucked into a blender, drank, and explosively shat down your throat. Its sole novelty is the replacement of faux-hick accents (the norm when Hollywood films shitstorms like this) with broken English with eastern European accents and Croatian (with English subtitles).<br /><br />Oksana Orlenko, in the title role, does a decent job in either language, but burdened by a simply awful script and generally not-very-good co-stars, I'm not certain how much I'm just trying to find one redeeming facet of this production in order to justify the disappearance of $6 from my wallet and 107 minutes from my life. If there is one, it certainly is not the direction, the cinematography, the script, the editing, or the lame, heavy-handed (but digitally mastered!) score. God knows it's definitely not the script. Lana's Rain runs through so many laugh-out-loud bad movie clichés that it's hard to believe it was ever made. Speech about how America is where dreams come true? Check. Inept, slow-motion "action" scenes? Check. Shoehorned-in romantic subplot that serves no purpose other than providing the obligatory sex scene? Check. Flashback images at the end to remind you of everything that you already saw in the previous hour and a half? Check. Completely unnecessary "happily ever after" final scene? Check.<br /><br />No bearing on reality whatsoever? Check.