They say that "Plan 9 From Outer Space" is the worst movie ever made. Sorry, but I think after viewing this, there's no doubt that Ed Wood should have ranked up there with Steven Speilberg for one of the greatest directors who ever breathed.<br /><br />I'm not kidding. This film is that bad.<br /><br />Imagine Lon Chaney, Jr. in his final role weilding an axe and hacking people for no real apparent reason. Imagine J. Carrol Naish as an insane doctor with dentures so fake the rattle with every word that comes out of his mouth. Now, if you're still with me, picture Dracula, who only appears in about fifteen minutes of the film, with a goatee and an afro looking a lot like a youthful Al Gore, and Frankenstein's monster, who appears even less, with face that looks like an overgrown raisin with eyes.<br /><br />Okay, now, if you're not aghast yet, imagine a subplot about a pretty lady out to find her missing sister, only to find out she has gotten into drugs with a group of bikers, who are now after her sister's best friend.<br /><br />Somehow, incomprehesibly, this all ties in. Or maybe it doesn't. Shoot, I don't know. I was so embarrassed that I had spent ten dollars to buy this thing, I was slamming my head up against the wall screaming, "WHY!" I could have bought four Big Macs with that money!<br /><br />And then there's the fight at the end. Well, Dracula wins. Or does he really? Maybe Frankenstein just outsmarted Dracula and let the Count kill him, to keep him out till the sun comes out, thus frying him. I'm not sure what that is all about, or why Dracula, in an attempt to get to his coffin to escape the rays of the sun, just didn't turn into a bat and fly (can you say..."no budget.") And how did Dracula destroy the Monster so easily, tearing him limb from limb, after the Monster demonstrated he has superior strength by punching through several walls and tearing a car door from its hinges. You're guess is as good as mine. Let's call the fight a draw.<br /><br />There has been at least two other attempts to pit the two princes of darkness against each other. All of them were stupid and unwatchable, but the others seemed to have an interesting camp value to them, making them so bad that they were good. This one was just so bad, it's bad. Al Adamson, the director, does nothing to help the situation. I think he knew he was making a bad movie, and since it generally took him years and years to finish his films, by the time this one was near completion, he just didn't care anymore and wanted to finish it up. Or at least, that's the impression I got. In the meantime, he isn't quite sure what to make of this film. It's uneven and choppy. I mean, someone tell me please, what is this film about? Is it a biker movie, a mad scientist movie, a mystery, a Dracula vs. Frankenstin movie, or a movie about a man who carries around puppies in one hand and a large axe in the other?<br /><br />Somewhere at the heart of this crud, there's almost a plotline....Actually, a fairly desent one about Dracula trading the body of the original Frankenstein monster to the last descendent of Dr. Frankenstein in return for a syrum that will enable him to take over the world. Somewhere. It's discussed for three minutes, but the acting is so terrible in that scene, you don't even recognize the plot, and it doesn't compensate for the other eighty-seven minutes of trash.<br /><br />Of all the films ever made, this is the worst I have ever seen. Please, avoid it. There's absolutely no reason to watch it. In fact, I'm surprised I'm even reviewing it, except to blow off steam.<br /><br />Negative googol-plex out of ten.