I could write a long review about how Lady in the Water was an unfathomably contrived piece of cinematic shite, but I'm sure plenty of that will be going around so I'll just give a list of the three main reasons I never want to see this movie again.<br /><br />1) The role M.Night gave to himself is the most pompous thing I have ever seen in a movie. Yes, people may want to kill him, but it's definitely not because he's written something that will change the world. (it doesn't help that he's not much of an actor, either) 2) Narf? Are you kidding me? People are supposed to hear that without laughing? 3) I watch movies because I want to be entertained or moved or see something intriguing, not because I want to walk away from it dumber than I was before.<br /><br />I hope Shamalayn's ready to soak up ever bad review because by jove, he's earned it.