Locked away in the vaults of every film studio are negatives from some truly quality horror and cult films that have yet to see a proper DVD release. Serious aficionados are forced to track down bootleg copies that are merely transfers from semi-grainy VHS tapes, which do little to preserve the quality or augment these films with supplemental material, or at least a decent digital remaster. With so many gems left undiscovered by a discerning digital audience, it thoroughly amazes me that something like The Sister Of Ursula was deemed worthy of a DVD makeover.<br /><br />Though billed as a hybrid giallo/erotic thriller, there are few thrills to be had in this plodding mess of a whodunnit, and with only a few unimpressive scenes that feature any sort of horror element, the spaghetti splatter here is closer to Stauffer's lasagna (although such a comparison is actually insulting to Stauffer's, since their lasagna is loaded with taste, while this film has none).<br /><br />When you strip away any mystery or horror, what this film does offer is loads of soft-core sex scenes that are graphic enough to skirt the boundaries of even the X rating. So, was there no pornography available in Italy in the 70's? I consider this merely because the only audience this film seems aimed at are fans of graphically displayed and unabashedly lewd sex acts, yet since this film doesn't quite go the XXX distance, it seems silly that anyone in that demographic would seek this out instead of opting for a purely pornographic offering.<br /><br />As far as smut goes, this is certainly well-made smut, we have to give it that. The cinematography and locations are attractive to look at, as are most of the female actresses, who spend the majority of the film in various couplings and states of undress. However, this also works against Ursula, because since this is a relatively polished piece of film making, it doesn't even have the unintentional humor of ineptness that gives many trashy movies such as this cult following appeal. One definite piece of comedic interest, however, is that the main "steamy" theme that accompanies each of the sex scenes borrows heavily from "Jingle Bells".<br /><br />Even the murderer's choice of a giant phallus as a weapon isn't too novel, since while reading up on Ursula I learned that there was another Italian film made before this with a killer that employed the same noteworthy instrument of death. It doesn't help that the unit is carved in the shape of a bearded gnome, either. When all is said and done, and the killer is revealed, the particulars of the murders become puzzling: So, apparently the victims just laid there and allowed themselves to be wooden phallused to death? <br /><br />Nearly all of the on-screen carnage is done with after-reveals, none of which reveal much of anything, so this can't really be recommended to fans of the classic 70's Italian slasher movement. And since we've already established that there's no suspense (the killer practically has the word "psychotic" carved on their forehead), fans of classic thrillers won't find a winner here. (It's worth noting that the trailer advertises this piece as an adult character study of sorts, with only one hint of murders taking place in the film, so the giallo aspects in Ursula were apparently considered irrelevant even to the film-makers). <br /><br />Which leaves a question far more disturbing than this film: why would anyone pay 20 bucks to preserve The Sister Of Ursula in their DVD library? That one, I can't answer. Besides, I got my copy for around 7 bucks, and I'm fairly confident I can get at least that much when I sell this piece of crap back.