I finally watched "HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY" last night and I must admit, I was quite disappointed. Deemed by many fans as being one of Fulci's most 'goriest', I prepared myself for countless scenes of bloodshed and gore and instead got nothing more than the usual pap featured in the countless horror films of the 1980's and a few dust bunnies that were blowing across the floor.<br /><br />Fulci, the king of gore, has proven in the past with such films as "ZOMBIE", "THE BEYOND" and "CITY OF THE LIVING DEAD", that a movie with a terribly thin plot and terrible actors can still entertain with high levels of unnecessary and perhaps redundant gore - but "HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY" is an entirely different story altogether.<br /><br />Fulci continues his usual tradition by casting the worst bunch of actors that could be scrounged up at the local playhouse and giving them a ridiculous script/dialogue to be delivered while giving the audience countless camera shots that pan across the eyes of the actors as they try to make sense of the imminent danger that they have been put in. First of all, the title of the film is misleading. Yes, there is a 'house by a cemetery', but the main focus point of the film seems to lead to the dwellings of the cellar beneath the house. The cemetery itself really has no relevant bearing on the story, it is just a sinister backdrop to the house, a shallow attempt to make the situation seem more eerie than it really is.<br /><br />The thin plot revolves around an incredibly stupid couple, Norm and Lucy (!), who leave their comfortable town house in New York City for the quiet digs of New England, a manor that they haven't even seen before signing the papers with the realtor (!!). They also have an infant child, Bob, who appears to be quite androgynous. Thanks to the ludicrous 'voice overs' provided by a woman who also dubs the voice for a little girl, she makes Bob look and sound incredibly stupid every time he opens his mouth to say something.<br /><br />Nothing is quite believable by the time the troupe move into the 'Freudstein House', as known by the realtor and her assistant, 'Oak House' to Norm and Lucy. Strange happenings begin to occur once they take occupation of the residency. Mysterious noises, the sounds of children whimpering and the fact that something evil in the cellar is making a nuisance out of itself by killing off everyone who makes the mistake of moving into the house should have been enough reason to send Norm and Lucy packing their bags and demanding a full refund from the Realtor. But do they move out? I think not. Instead, the happy threesome decide to blow off the strange phenomena with a bottle of Xanax while turning a blind eye and deaf ear at the same time.<br /><br />To add to the silliness, a mysterious babysitter by the name of 'Anne' moves in with the family who seems to know something about the strange happenings related to the cellar, yet is stupid enough to venture down into the dark to get herself 'offed' in a ridiculous fashion involving a butcher knife. There is one scene of gore in the opening scene where a woman is murdered by a knife-wielding zombie who gets it through the top of her cranium, the blade penetrating through her open mouth. Other than that, no scenes of further violence take place until at least an hour into the movie if you don't count the scene involving a decapitated mannequin as witnessed first-hand by Bob and later through an un-related flashback by Nancy (!!!).<br /><br />Some above-par gore scenes contained in "HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY" would include a man getting his throat torn out and a woman meeting her demise with a screw-driver type implement after she gets her foot stuck in a crack in the floor! Other than that, there is very little body count contained in the film and one death scene is just plain confusing which involves a woman getting dragged down a set of stairs by her feet, hitting every step on the way down with her head!<br /><br />Only one scene stood out for me in this movie and that was when the realtor backs out of the driveway after leading the family to their new home, accidently knocking over a tombstone to which she yells, "DAMN TOMBSTONE!" before speeding off in a cloud of dust. This is also just one of the many countless incidents contained in the movie that bare absolutely no relevance whatsoever on the plot, including a scene where Anne is cleaning up a trail of blood off the kitchen floor and an inane second story-line involving a prior occupant of the house who committed suicide after claiming the house was 'possessing' him!<br /><br />When the evil is encountered in the cellar, you will be amazed to find how much its motives for being down there in the first place have absolutely no baring on anything else that has taken place in the movie! Nothing seems to make sense, and the ending is just confusing! <br /><br />I'm not exactly sure what Lucio Fulci had in mind while filming this movie, but I think the finished product was of something that not even he could have envisioned! "HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY" is absolute garbage at its worst and should be avoided by all Fulci fans!<br /><br />My Rating - 2 out of 10