So yesterday afternoon I was looking at a blog about faces that are begging to be punched, and while I didn't think too much of it at the time, I kept coming back to it later that night as I watched the latest (and my first) episode of TBS's sh*t factory otherwise known as "My Boys." With the exception of Gaffigan, who gets a pass because I like his stand-up and he seems to be the only actor on the show who isn't as awkward as a boner-afflicted 14-year-old at a jr high dance, there isn't one person on My Boys who does not, within the first 30 seconds of being on screen, make me want to punch a wall or kick a dog (and i love dogs).<br /><br />I'm guessing that the guy who plays the loudmouth jackass is probably a monk or a stenographer in real life, because he sure as hell doesn't know the first thing about being a genuine loudmouth or delivering his lines in a way that doesn't sound like he's repeating testimony. "I can make a shirt sure i can i am like a fashion god and i could make a shirt i am like a fashion god." Jesus man, put some air under that sh*t.<br /><br />I won't go into the rest of the actors individually, but suffice to say they are played by only moderately better androids. And as far as that "strained" relationship between the bald guy and the black friend, the only thing strained was the inner wall of my colon, which was pushed to new limits each time they exchanged mistimed, campy glances.<br /><br />This is not to say that the writing is good and the actors are bad. Not at all. The writing is the worst part of it, in fact, though the writers did accomplish several feats I had previously assumed were mutually exclusive: they made the plot over-the-top yet unimaginative, the dialogue simple-minded yet smug, and the punchlines clichéd yet unfamiliar (clichés are clichés because at some point there were funny, but the ones in My Boys lacked any vestige of humor).<br /><br />It was as if someone took the worst sitcoms of all time, put them in a computer, and had the computer spit out what it thought a sitcom should be. I was honestly expecting one of the actors to spontaneously launch into a monologue from She's the Sheriff.<br /><br />The lack of a laugh track only amplifies the awkward terribleness of this show. But I don't suggest adding one now, as it would be unrealistic. Perhaps the sound of people spitting blood or throwing up would be a better fit. Is there a sound for people simultaneously punching themselves in the throat?