"Nukie" is a celluloid cesspool. Forget about insulting its audience, I feel like I've insulted myself by forcing myself to watch the entire movie. I can't even relay the plot because I lost track 1/3 of the way through. It is an utter failure in every measurable way. I've seen a lot of crap films, but there is nothing I've seen that tops this.<br /><br />Nukie is ugly. He has snot dripping from his nose. He befriends a talking chimpanzee. He meets the chimp's "cousin," a talking baboon. He can metamorphose into a ball of light. The special effects were surpassed in movies made thirty years earlier.<br /><br />Thank god "Nukie" was a failure, or else we might have had to endure Nukie lunchboxes or a Nukie TV show. Even worse, a shrieking Nukie plush toy  "MMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOO!." Oh my god I need a drink, now.