The above statement, from the patriarchal Commander Adama (Lorne Green) sums up this show quite nicely. In case I need to remind you, Adama has to lead the last survivors of humanity from the Twelve Colonies of Kobol to a long-lost mythic planet called Earth, home of the 13th Tribe. The colonies were just attacked by the robotic and clumsy Cylons, who strafed a city or two and killed at least one dog.<br /><br />The first part of Adama's statement is fair enough. Clearly another solar system would be located beyond your own solar system. Oh, but it's also in a different galaxy? You might as well say that the restaurant you're trying to find is "Just down the street, in Africa". I wonder if the writers knew what they were talking about.<br /><br />"Galactica" is full of moments like this. The Vipers, the little fighter planes our heroes fly into battle, have enormous fiery exhaust trails -- Isaac Newton must be spinning in his grave. (The Vipers themselves look like hastily cobbled-together knock-offs of the X-wings from "Star Wars"). Their cockpits even have a little instrument on the dashboard telling the pilot which way is "up" -- in space.<br /><br />The villains of the show are the infamous Cylons, renowned in the realm of televised science fiction as the dumbest, clumsiest, and most ridiculous-looking villains ever. It's to be expected that they can't shoot, but these chrome-plated robots can barely WALK. According to Lorne Green, the Cylons are just plain evil, but I'm not sure "evil robots" is all that meaningful, although I did have an evil calculator once. I'm never quite sure whether the Cylons had an organic counterpart who created them, but it doesn't really matter.<br /><br />In many ways this show is a shallow imitation of "Star Wars," and this can be seen in the cast of characters. Particularly Starbuck (Dirk Benedict), who tries so hard to be Han Solo, but only comes off as petulant, sexist, and rather pathetic. Apollo is the noble, Luke Skywalker hero type, and as such doesn't have a personality. Starbuck has a faithful black sidekick, Boomer, who seems to be much more competent than Starbuck. Adama also has a faithful black sidekick, called Colonel Tigh, who at one point is reduced to picking up everyone's laundry. Take that, Civil Rights Movement!<br /><br />The destruction of the human colonies is a brief, and amazingly painless affair. A park is strafed by Cylon ships, and a small dog is killed (though the actual death is not shown, so we are left with some hope). Soon enough, our heroes have forgotten all about the genocide: Starbuck tries to get it on with two equally boring women, and Apollo enters into a creepy relationship with the little boy whose dog was maybe killed (though it might be slightly less creepy if you consider he was only trying to sleep with Jane Seymour, the boy's mother). The Cylons, meanwhile, attack again, but are destroyed because they're so utterly incompetent.<br /><br />Oh yes, and there's a robot dog. I think it was actually a chimp in a robot-dog costume, but either way it's quite nauseating. The special effects are all right to start off (I like those old effects from the Seventies and Eighties, sometimes more than modern CGI), but get very repetitive very fast. I could also mention the preposterous characterization of the humans, including weak-kneed pacifists who are quickly killed, the inexplicably evil and stupid Lord Baltar (John Colicos) who betrays humanity, and the unbelievably dumb Council of Twelve, who prove that democracy just doesn't work.