SLOW BURN (2007) * Ray Liotta, LL Cool J, Mekhi Phifer, Jolene Blalock, Guy Torry, Taye Diggs, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Bruce McGill.<br /><br />More like a simmering potboiler:<br /><br />1995's crackling neo-noir sleeper "The Usual Suspects" was in a class by itself but lately there have been some numerous copycats in attempting to glean some magic from its infamous twisted ending revealing who its arch-criminal Keyser Soze really was. The latest pretender to the throne is a horse of another color (and yes the pun is meant to be offensive).<br /><br />Set in the twilight hours in a no-names urbane city an ambitious DA named Ford Cole (Liotta, who is also a producer on this dreadful film) who is summoned to the police station when one of his younger protégées (and current lover), Nora Timmer (mannequin Blalock) has been involved in a lethal shooting after her claims of being raped by her assailant, Isaac Duperde.<br /><br />Adding fuel to the fire is many turns in this serpentine crime drama that offers about as much suspense as a re-run of any form of "Law & Order": Timmer may or may not have been having an affair with the deceased assailant, may or may not know the true identity of the mysterious local kingpin and may or may not be involved in a convoluted scheme involving high-level real estate conspiracies with the aforementioned gangsta.<br /><br />Enter Luther Pinks (Cool J), who has some info on Timmer confirming she is not on the level and his identity is also in question (as is his purple prose involving his olfactory senses with laughable line readings).<br /><br />The whole lousy mess is indecipherable until it's cribbing of the final act of "Suspects" for its own conclusion that not only cheats a smart, knowing audience but feels like a cheat from the minute one character is onto another with a fateful 'wait=a-second' glance and pause in his tracks.<br /><br />Although Blalock is a real hottie, the shameful way her character is depicted as either a 'sista pretending to be white' or vice versea as some sort of living-in-the-shadows- chameleon is only further drummed over the head by the ham-fisted direction by Wayne Beach in his debut as a helmsman and also the film's scribe. The fact he actually shows a real-life chameleon during several sequences involving Nora is truly eye rolling.<br /><br />It doesn't help that the film has been on the shelf for several year. That's never a good sign and another is shamefully stealing from a real classic.