Epoch is a film with an interesting, although re-hashed, derivative premise, harkening back to everything from 2001 to Sphere, this "Made for the SciFi Channel" (!?) film had interesting possibilities, but was unfortunately ruined by acting so wooden that Pinocchio seems downright voluptuous in comparison..<br /><br />A mysterious "thing" crashes into Earth four billion years ago, and just as mysteriously erupts out of the ground near the Chinese border, present day, causing worldwide electronic glitches, immediately attracting the attention of the shadowy gubmint agency in DC who decides it's their job to find out what it is, send in the G.I. Joes to surround it, call in the world's smartest guy (David Keith??) to figure out its purpose, and make sure the Chinese don't get at it.<br /><br />How convienient that it appears in some stinkin' desert somewhere, and not in the middle of, oh, I dunno, Cleveland.. this way the cast can be kept small, and the effects a lot easier to accomplish..<br /><br />Some of the special effects, particularly the long shots of the thing, which resembles a tornado funnel made out of rock, are well executed.<br /><br />The thing has mysterious powers, seemingly able to bring the dead back to life, and heal the maladies of anyone who gets near it, including the terminally ill character played by Keith.<br /><br />But this whole premise is blown to bits (eventually literally).. by the horrible acting and dialog that sounds like it was written in a high school class. Ryan O'Neal and Craig Wasson, both of whom have practically carried entire films by themselves (Barry Lyndon and Body Double for two examples).. are totally wasted in minor roles. The Chinese who confront the Americans, both diplomatically and militarily, are cardboard cutout cartoon characters.<br /><br />And the military sent along to keep the Chinese away from the thing while they guard the scientific probing, and eventually ordered to destroy it, are simply interchangable, unthinking, faceless toy soldiers, incapable of independent thought. This reminds me of the early scenes of the original Stargate film, where, right after being transported to the other side of the Universe, the soldiers accompanying the geek Egyptologist, have absolutely NO sense of wonder and amazement, but rather, they entertain themselves by throwing his research books at him.<br /><br />Since the time of The Day The Earth Stood Still, when all Klaatu wanted to do was give the Earth leaders a groovy gift and got thanked by having it shot out of his hand, and in a multitude of other films since, Hollywood has taught us that when we are confronted with something of superior intellect, or of mysterious origins, if we don't understand it, if it doesn't look like a fluffy kittie, we are to shoot first, and ask questions later.<br /><br />"Guns, guns, guns - is the signal we want to send this thing?" Asks Keith early on in the film.. although he is called in to analyze the thing, almost everything he suggests is summarily ignored, laughed at, or cast aside because, well, I suppose your average 12 year old viewer finds constant machine gun fire much more compelling viewing than a lot of talking or philosophical speculation. This is *exactly* the kind of film for people who hated 2001 because they didn't get it.<br /><br />If all this wasn't enough, Epoch has one of the stupidest, pat endings in my recent memory.<br /><br />What could've been a fascinating film is thus turned into unintentionally humorous dreck. Will humanity ever learn? Not if Hollywood has anything to say about it..<br /><br />