seriously. swallows a hornet? that, mind you, landed in his cereal. only to be followed up with a shower scene? what am i watching? i had to write this after having viewed no more than 15.5 minutes of this. i hope it gets better. it won't. oh wait. there's a 7 on the steamy mirror. watch this in a dark room alone. as long as you're not in the room. and as long as there's something else on. probably with commercials. and you're doing something better. like having an enema or perhaps experimenting on the strength of the enamel of your teeth with a toenail clipper or testing the limits of your hearing on flea farts or listening to a gulp of water make its way from your mouth to your bladder, or to your anus, depending on what you ate earlier that day. and one must not neglect the amount of alcohol one drank that day, as well as the acidity level of any foods eaten in the period before the water was taken. it might not even be the water at all, seeing as how such conditions can be a result of a lack of water. these conditions may not be a function of water at all, but maybe poor nutritional choices at large. one cannot comment on the elections of others without knowing the motivation behind such decisions, but it can be safely assumed that the viewing of this film could not possibly be attributed to the aforementioned ailments/symptoms, but rather a morbid curiosity begat by boredom and the senseless desire to subject oneself to the efforts of a hungry director and the economic needs of actors that said, "Hmmm. Seven days until The Ring 'gets' me. Sorry, i got confused. I see. So, there's a child and a--doesn't matter. You're going to pay me for this? Right then. And the danish is free? Very well. Hmm. Well, there it is then. I'm on board. And we'll be done by Thursday? Super. I can get back to whatever i was up to before you bothered me. I believe i was thinking about purple or where i left my hat. Did you see it? Not my hat, but purple. It really is quite lovely. You know, my mother loves...." So...this is what this film is. Nonsense. Except this assessment was far more involved. Sorry for those who enjoyed this. Really. I am sorry for those who enjoyed this. And your families. And pets. Herumph.