So apparently this movie is about this good looking (in a Marlboro Man way) blond guy in a camouflage ninja costume and his fight with a chubby businessman (in a red ninja costume) and with the red ninja guy's minions to break up a counterfeiting ring. No, wait, it's about a cop working undercover as a men's fashion model (uh-huh) and his relationship with his brother (a "playboy and troublemaker") and his girlfriend and the price he pays to perform his assigned duty (which seems to involve a lot of soft core porn and soap opera dialog).Wait, it's both those things...and a lot less! <br /><br />I enjoy bottom of the barrel cinema more than I probably should, but this particular genre - in which Richard Harrison apparently was edited into an unrelated and obscure action move by director Ho - was new to me. Lucky me, I got to experience confusion and cheese overload in one compact movie! <br /><br />I counted about six extremely silly ninja battles (which is fair enough for a movie called "Ninja The Protector") as the blond guy dispatched the chubby businessman's -er, "Ninja Grandmaster's" - little helpers in a series of increasingly desultory battles involving teleportation, exotic weapons, instant costume changes, tons of eye liner, and finally...jousting on motorcycles(!) Meanwhile, the director and editor tried to pretend that all this was connected to the other plot about the fashion model with some linking dialog. The end result was...weird and disorienting, as if I'd swallowed a handful of No-Doze and washed it down with cough syrup. I kept expecting the movie to make sense and follow through with something...for the laws of cause and effect to kick in...for characters to do things that made sense...and the screenplay kept bouncing from scene to scene without ever being coherent. <br /><br />Upsides to the movie: The blond guy (Richard Harrison?) was at least good looking. The battles were sloppy and silly but it looked like someone at least tried to pump some adrenaline into the proceedings by including a variety of weapons and stunts. Also, the undercover cop's brother was fun to watch - he was like the "Energizer Bunny" of sidekicks, always bouncing back from getting slammed around and managing to win most of his fights with sheer elastic energy.(The second plot should have been about him). And the English dubbing was better than usual for a quickie exploitation product like this; the overdubbed line deliveries at least didn't grate, and the sound wasn't mixed in such a way as to make your ears bleed the way some Hong Kong sausage product is. <br /><br />The best I can say for it is that a bunch of kids and ninja fans probably watched it while drunk (or stoned) and cheered a lot. But this is an insult to anyone who expects his movies to, um, make sense.