Imagine that you are one of a small community living in a huge abandoned hospital after the fall of civilisation.<br /><br />Do you a) fortify a section of the building to protect against attackers and methodically search for useful supplies, weapons and food? or b) elect a useless leader (who is happy to spend his day banging his woman), leave all the hospital entrances open, and not worry too much about food and weapons, since you have plenty of tasteless army rations and at least two guns and a handful of bullets in case of an emergency?<br /><br />If you answered 'a', then you fully deserve the 'Max Rockatansky Award for Successful Post-Apocalyptic Survival; if your answer was 'b', then pray that civilisation never crumbles: you're clearly not built for life in a world thrown into utter chaos.<br /><br />Now imagine you're a member of group of survivors that have been driven to cannibalism due to a lack of food. You and your pals have several people trapped inside a large building; they are outnumbered, poorly armed, unorganised, and ripe for the picking.<br /><br />Do you a) storm in there, take them all alive (to keep the meat fresh), and cart them off to your lair? OR b) devise an elaborate plan to get one of your people to infiltrate the group, then wait until nightfall, when the building is plunged into total darkness, and take just one victim, leaving the rest for another night-time visit at a later date?<br /><br />If you answered 'a', then congratulationsyou have the makings of a successful (and well-fed) cannibal; if you answered 'b' then you're as stupid as the bad-guys in Tooth and Nail, and fully deserve to have your own ass handed to you on a plate.<br /><br />Full of annoying characters incapable of making a decent decision, Tooth and Nail is a dreary piece of dreck that struggles desperately for a sense of realism, but only manages to bore in the process. Whereas recent post-apocalyptic effort Doomsday revelled in its sheer cheesiness but suffered somewhat due to a lack of a thoughtful plot, Tooth and Nail proves to be the 'anti-Doomsday' of the genre, taking itself far too seriously and severely lacking any sense of fun.<br /><br />Writer/director Mark Young's script is extremely weak, with it's 'undercover cannibal' plot device being neither particularly convincing nor totally unexpected, and there is plenty of banal dialogue to bog down proceedings even further. The direction is also rather uninspired, and with much of the action taking place in the dark, the film is a real strain on the eyes (and one's patience); it also makes seeing what might've been some half-decent scenes of gore almost impossible to make out.<br /><br />I rate Tooth and Nail a disappointing 3.5 out of 10. Normally, I would round this up to 4 for IMDb, but thanks to a ridiculous final shot of a cannibalistic Vinnie Jones gurning maniacally through a window, it gets rounded down to a 3!