Wilbur wants to kill himself is a killer movie. From someone who experiences suicidal ideation and tendencies on a daily basis, but is not depressed or in fear of those concepts, I found the film truthful. It gave me a reason to live, if for nothing else to see the end of the movie, but then again, if I were dead, I doubt that I would care. And that's the point. Wilbur captures a lot of that angst, and confusion.<br /><br />On the one hand he's someone the chicks dig (though I can't really see the 'it' thing that everyone talks about), and though he may know it, he also seems to realize the truest injustice in life: that we live in a world where we are alone and nothing matters and few others see that. Try as we might, it's difficult to find communion of any depth with any other person. Especially if you are a complex person in the least. Meaning, for instance, that if you have an interest in getting out of your small, middle America hometown, you are probably slightly more complex than most of your neighbors. You'll still have people to talk to, but your circle is dwindling.<br /><br />Let's say that you not only want to leave that hometown, but you're gay, well, I don't even have to go into what happens in this case. Suffice it to say, you're more complex than most, even if as a gay man, or lesbian woman you are simple.<br /><br />The thing is that being gay, and wanting to leave a hometown are relatively simple things compared to the person who has a deep, extra-ordinary, thought in their head about the quandary of life.<br /><br />For the purposes of dissecting this film's meaning, this is a person who can (or maybe can't help doing so) look at life and see it as something that really seems to have no purpose.<br /><br />If we have the ability to take that thought seriously, and investigate it for a very long time (dozens of years), without succumbing to the fear (or possibly in most cases, the reality) that it will lead to depression, or insanity, we will become more complex, because we will operate on a different level, and see things as they are. If we do this times ten, which would equate to us being very complex, we question life and its reasons more than just the standard "why are we here" rhetoric, we are likely never to find anyone who can relate to us, and worst of all, to whom we can relate without sensing our own dishonesty with our own self.<br /><br />And though I don't know for certain, it seems to me that this is the point at which Wilbur may have arrived. He also may not have. However, this characterization captures the real-life feeling of being in that state of knowing the purposelessness, and realizing that there are no answers in 'real' life that will suffice any longer, ever again. Realizing that ice cream doesn't make kids happy, balloons don't make kids happy, cars don't make adults happy. All of that simply serves to distract (in the form of conditioned responses) from the fact that we are raised as if on a farm to be automatons. When a person is at that point, the people with whom they connect are indeed rare.<br /><br />Everyone is familiar with the clichés about how many people there are for each person on the earth. For instance one says, "There's someone for everyone." Some people believe that. Some will say that for each person there are multiple possible partners, and for those people that's probably true. For some there are infinite partners. I guess in part it depends upon a person's underlying unconscious goals.<br /><br />For those for whom there can only be connection based on something truly undefined, to my satisfaction, by media and the like, there may be only one other person anywhere, or not at all, to whom they can relate. So, why live in a world where the process is the same everyday: get up, go to a silly job that serves some other bastard and his family but that we must take seriously in some way, come home, eat things (mostly out of habit), sleep, awake and do it all again. To top it all off, never ever meet a person that can see you. Never ever meet a person that even wants to see you. Never meet a person that acknowledges and knows true beauty in the form in which you bring it to this world.<br /><br />Why? Because they don't have the capacity, and you were never taught to look, you were only taught to take what is right in front of you. Wilbur might seem selfish, but I think that Wilbur might be sick of being judged based on some silly sexuality archetype that he carries because of habit, rather than real desire for it. Wilbur, like most of us, wants to be loved for who he is, by someone who does not judge him. I mean Wilbur's not sleeping around in this movie. So, obviously, he's looking for a connection that has more to do with something other than sex. There is a time when sex is just sex. There is a time when sex is procreative and therefore construed to be for love. Procreation does not always mean love.<br /><br />Best of all, there is also a time when sex is communion with another. A communion that transcends our own incarnations in bodies. It communicates, in concert with another, the confusion, the narcissism, the energetic component, the mechanical component, all while "listening" to another tell a similar story. At that point it is, for lack of a better conceptualization, art bonding souls. And there is no better reason to live or to choose to not live, than to be in proximity to the truth available in that possibility.