Agghhh! Why do the Italians continue to make these horrible cheap knock-offs of American genre films? To ship them directly to video over here and makes tons of filthy lucre, or Lira, or whatever, off the poor unsuspecting American public's pain. In this awful serving, which is a sequel to a film that I haven't(thankfully) watched(I actually saw the first movie to Cavedwellers, much to my horror), an idiot professor by the name of Tarl Cabot(what kind of stupid moniker is that, anyway?!) is drawn once again to the planet called Gor. Along for the ride is his 'friend' and fellow professor, Watney(again with the ridiculous name!). This guy is one of the most annoying characters ever put onto film. He has a contest with himself early on in the film to see how many times he can say Cabot! in the space of five minutes. Four thousand and twelve, I think the total was. If only I'd had a shovel and a way to get into the movie, that sucker would have been toast..<br /><br />Anyhoo, Cabot arrives at the capitol city of..umm...the country? Planet? Or whatever, of Gor, called Koroba. Here this turkey is greeted as a hero(did the good citizens have nothing else to do that day?) by one and all and taken into the castle of the King. He's in love with the King's daughter, although how she stood his open mouthed trout kissing is anyone's guess. There's a lot of misogynistic scenes with scantily clad women and, more disturbingly, an equally scantily clad albino dwarf(am I making that up? God,I wish I was). Apparently Cabot and the dwarf are 'old friends'(nudge, nudge, wink, wink). Enter at this point the venerable Jack Palance(what is he doing in this piece of crap? I mean, I know a job's a job, Jack, but come on!), dressed in a ridiculous costume with what looks like a split butter top loaf of bread on his head instead of a hat. He's supposed to be the second bad guy, along with the evil younger Queen that the King married(sure, seventy year old decrepit guy, she married you because she loves you! Yeah, right!).<br /><br />Cabot's wormy friend Watney is seduced by the Queen(ewww!) into helping her frame Cabot for her husband's death by really sharp blade. He goes on the run with his personal dwarf, and we see them wander for days in the desert(or that's what it feels like, anyway). During this time, we get an immense amount of buffalo shots from the two men in their tiny loin cloths. I SO did not need to see that dwarf's butt cheeks the fifteen times or so that they showed them! They see a slave caravan where the slaves are wearing toilet seats instead of collars around their necks, and the dwarf unfortunately stops Cabot from drinking some poisoned water. Dammit, Herve, couldn't you just have let him die? We would all have thanked you, believe me!<br /><br />They get out of the desert and save a slave girl from the market. Cabot gives her a lecture about loving freely(who does this guy think he is? John Brown Cabot?) then he goes back to the capitol city to try to rescue the Princess(who was in a wrestling match with a pair of lesbians) and stop the evil Queen and her creepy old High Priest adviser(Palance). Of course he succeeds, when in reality this guy would have had as much chance of winning the day as he would have had successfully hang gliding off of Mt. Everest. You'd at least think that the utterly infuriating little toad Watney would have been killed by the Queen, but no...the last scene is of this total moron walking down a road in 'America'(for America, read Italy), still wearing the lame ass costume he got in Gor. Once again I have to take my hat off to the Italians, who loved making films with scantily clad well oiled idiots pretending that they're big, bad swordsmen and wizards. These aren't even B grade films-they're more like Z-grade for the most part, although most of them do have the laugh factor going for them, since they're pure Italian cheese of the stinkiest kind.