"Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself" may be the single worst movie I've ever watched from beginning to end, and I've seen "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians." "Wilbur" is the product of some fringe studio that goes out of its way to hire cinematographers whose use of light and space make actors look like lumps of ordure on screen, scriptwriters who are one grade above monkeys trained to bang on keyboards, directors who suffer from cognitive retardation and can't grasp three dimensional space or movement, and actors who are desperate to appear in any piece of drek, no matter how dreadful. How movies like this get made when brilliantly talented people can't sell their work is a mystery more confounding than any presented by Area 51 or the Bermuda Triangle.<br /><br />Wilbur is a twenty-something, suicidal Scott. He lives with his brother, the ostentatiously named Harbour, and always makes sure that his suicide attempts will wreck maximum damage on Harbour's sensitive soul. The audience is supposed to love Wilbur; he's supposed to be the funny, poignant, sexy, romantic lead. Not.<br /><br />Harbour is a bit of a masochist, and does nothing to protect himself from Wilbur's venom. That's because this movie is as divorced from any reality of any human heart or mind as possible. Harbour, in a scene lasting maybe two seconds, falls in love with Alice, a depressive cleaning woman so out of touch with consensus reality that she can't clean properly, and gets fired. Later, she wears a stained blouse, a flowered skirt, and loud tartan tights to a birthday party, where children mock her attire, as well they should. Later Harbour vomits in a Muslim girl's expensive, golden dress. Ha, ha, ha. Oh, and the Muslim girl is named Fatimah, as is her mother. This is meant to cause big laughs.<br /><br />Harbour and Alice marry, and Wilbur, in between suicide attempts, cheats with Alice on Harbour, who goes through a lingering and painful-looking death by pancreatic cancer. Wilbur and Alice don't even bother to purchase a headstone for Harbour, their masochistic savior. The End. I kept watching this movie mostly to see how bad it could get. In its descent from merely unpleasant and incompetent to unforgettably repulsive, it did not disappoint.