Rarely have I seen a film start out slower than MONDO TRASHO. It is so amateurishly made and acted that it seems that calling it a movie is a misnomer. Instead, it's like a very, very, very long and ponderous home movie made by escaped inmates of a mental asylum--and desperately needed editing and direction. What little dialog the film has is added (very, very, very poorly) after the fact.<br /><br />The film begins with a hooded guy torturing and killing chickens with an ax. Why?! I dunno. It seems pretty cruel to use animals like this and I assume that Waters was just trying to shock the viewers. I hope they at least ate the chickens, otherwise this is even more tragic (at least for the chickens).<br /><br />Mary Vivian Pearce goes for a walk, catches a bus, sits on a bench reading a book and walks through Johns Hopkins University for twelve minutes--with no laughs or weirdness. I can't believe that most audiences sat through this portion to see the rest of the film! Especially since it was obviously shot with a home movie camera and the sound track consisted of mostly choppy clips of random tunes strung together--some exceptional (such as the jazzy or early rock pieces) and some banal (such as "Pomp and Circumstance") and some oddly ironic (such as "See Ya Later Alligator") that dominated the images.<br /><br />Eventually, a pervert with a foot fetish sneaks up and begins fondling her feet. Apparently, she's into that and they sneak off into the woods for some toe sucking (whatever floats your boat). Some loud moaning ensues--so far the only sounds other than music in the film. During the loud moaning, the scene becomes a flashback or dream or fantasy where Pearce is a modern Cinderella being abused by her step-sisters. They beat her up and strip her partially naked--then the Prince enters with the slipper and the story continues. Abruptly, however, the toe sucker is done and just walks away--leaving Pearce unsatisfied and lonely.<br /><br />Divine then is shown driving along in an amazingly cool old Cadillac. She sees a naked man and backs up--right into Pearce. So, Divine picks up Pearce and puts her in the car and drives home. Then, we are treated to Divine shopping and you assume Pearce is still lying in the car bleeding. This shopping scene, like the rest of the film, went on way too long with no payoff. <br /><br />For some excitement, Divine shoplifts and then quickly leaves the store. On the way out, she sees a homeless lady sleeping (or maybe she's just an unconscious lady)--and she steals her shoes! Only after this does she go back to the car to get Pearce. You think she is going to help, but actually drags her into a laundromat and strips her--stealing Pearce's clothes and putting the shoplifted clothes and the shoes on Pearce?! The Virgin Mary then appears (naturally) and you hear a voice over of Divine repenting in spasms and asking Mary for help and forgiveness. Subtle it ain't.<br /><br />Using a wheelchair, Divine wheels Pearce away and they meet up with a mental patient who is accosted by guys dressed as attendants carrying a big net (wow, what an image). After capturing the nutty lady, they chase Divine and Pearce and take them to a "hospital" that is really just some house. There, lots of John Waters' friends roam doing rather random stuff as Pearce lays there looking comatose. Then a flat-chested lady dances (for a very long time) as the patients cheer. Eventually, she's molested and once again, Mary appears! Apparently everyone there can see her and Divine once again spasms and overacts like she did earlier. Mary's friend or a demon (who can tell?) then appears and gives Divine a switchblade and everyone escapes--with Divine pushing Pearce away in the wheelchair.<br /><br />Now, finally, Divine calls a doctor for Pearce (Dr. Coathanger). Once at the office, they just sit there waiting with the other patients (never mind that Pearce was run over) until one of them takes off her clothes and some long-haired guy grabs her. Is he the doctor? No, that would be David Lochary (who is shown shooting up some drug) who proceeds to pull out giant saws and operates--as the nurse vomits. In the end, Pearce awakens and her feet are now horrific looking.<br /><br />Reporters then come to interview Divine about the accident. A cop then arrives and begins beating Divine. A gun and knife battle then ensues involving lots of extras. Divine is stabbed and the cop is killed. Then, Lochary, Divine and Pearce escape in a car. Pearce and Divine are later dropped off in the middle of no where. Finding their way to a farm, they climb into a pig enclosure and roll around in the mud--until, once again, Mary shows up with Jesus. Divine is dead and Pearce wanders off--finding her way back to town.<br /><br />In a way, way too long final scene, two ladies stare at her and seem to talk about Pearce--calling her lots of slutty names. The dialog is pretty funny, but is just slapped on the scene with no regard to synchronizing it to the actors lips or expression.<br /><br />Overall, this nearly 90 minute film, like my review, could use a severe editing. It is amateurish and bad--with only a few funny scenes spread thinly through the film. Unless you are a die-hard Waters fan or absolutely need to see one of his earliest films, this is one you can skip. The only positive thing I can say about it is that it helped John Waters and the actors(?) to hone their craft--eventually leading to such brilliant non-conformist films as FEMALE TROUBLE and POLYESTER.<br /><br />By the way, seeing Lochary shooting up is pretty sad, as he later died due to his drug use.