With a title like that, you know you're dealing with something special. No Retreat, No Surrender II (NRNS2), is a magical pastiche of poor dialogue, bad acting and frenetic martial arts action. NRNS2 is, verily, one of the ultimate Bad Movies for Bad Movie fans everywhere. On the one hand, the movie is entirely watchable -- due primarily to the entertaining fight and action sequences (very reminiscent of early/mid 80s, Hong Kong produced, kung-fu movies). On the other hand, it's chock full of cringe worthy dialogue -- delivered in the most hilariously stilted manner possible. This is generally the case when you cast martial artists as opposed to actors.<br /><br />Our story begins with fresh-faced Scott Wylde (Loren Avedon) arriving in Vietnam. For reasons obscure to me and my Bad Movie buddies, Mr. Wylde is obsessed with finding his friend, Mac Jarvis (Max Thayer). Apparently, Mr. Wylde thought the best course of action for finding his friend was to run around Vietnam yelling, "Mac! Mac Jarvis!" Mr. Wylde bumps into Terry (Cynthia Rothrock), who -- as it turns out -- is an ex-girlfriend of Mac. If memory serves correctly, she informs Scott of the present whereabouts of Mr. Jarvis.<br /><br />At this point, things turn sour for Mr. Wylde. His Vietnamese girlfriend, Sulin (Patra Wanthivanond), is kidnapped by the nefarious Vietcong -- because her father just happens to be a local bigwig. This sets the stage for Scott to rescue his girlfriend, and beat-down a whole mess of Bad Guys in the process.<br /><br />Mr. Wylde eventually joins forces with cigar (and scenery) chomping Mac Jarvis. Together they make their way to Cambodia (IIRC). As you can imagine, their travels are beset by a host of enraged Vietcong. In addition to the VC, Scott and Mac must administer an Country Ass Whopping' on the local Buddhists (who, unbelievably, favor ropes as their primary weapon of choice).<br /><br />Sulin, meanwhile, is introduced to her primary captor, Yuri (Matthias Hues) -- a monstrous Russian with an undeniable German accent (Matthias Hues is German). Yuri demonstrates his brutality by summarily executing a couple malcontents. One of them is forced into a large pool teeming with hungry alligators (or is it crocodiles?). Oh, the horror! From here the plot develops in a thoroughly predictable manner -- Scott and Mac hewing their way through jungle and assailant until they reach Yuri's compound. During their journey, they join forces with Terry -- who, for reasons incomprehensible to me, insists on wearing a large yellow sweatshirt over her workout gear. We found the interplay between Scott, Mac and Terry to be eerily similar to Star Wars. Specifically: Mac is Han Solo, Scott is Luke and Terry is Princess Leia. It might sound strange, but watch the movie and tell me I'm not right! Mac and Scott develop a truly bizarre plan to attack the compound. The (hilarious) centerpiece of their attack features M60s being "auto fired" via the aid of several Budweiser cans (that Mac had the foresight to pack through the Vietnamese/Cambodian jungle). Anyway, our heroes launch their attack. The VC come running out of their barracks, into a hail of enfilading M60 fire (featuring empty beer can technology). The VC keep charging, and the M60s keep firing. The end result is a whole mess of dead VC.<br /><br />Eventually Mac, Scott and Terry encounter Yuri. As you can imagine, a serious kung-fu fest ensues. Ultimately, however, Yuri is bested by the combined might of his three assailants. His demise is, perhaps, the Greatest Bad Movie Death of All Time. Get this: Yuri is dragged, by his neck, in a Jeep being driven by Scott. Scott slingshots Yuri into the pool of alligators. Yuri, not one to be intimidated by enraged reptiles, begins pulling the jeep towards the pool. Scott, sensing his impending doom, leaps from the jeep -- first making sure that the gas tank is full. Yuri then pulls the jeep on top of himself, while being gnawed on by alligators. Scott, for the coup de grace, shoots the gas tank which causes the jeep to explode! Poor Yuri becomes food for worms. This is probably the only movie in cinema history that makes the attempt to explain why a jeep would explode! Normally, any vehicle, in any movie, can explode for any reason whatsoever. We found this particularly amusing since, a half-hour previous to this point, the movie depicted several dozen canvas tents exploding. Were they full of gas as well? Oh well. The end result is totally hilarious and totally awesome. I highly recommend this movie to anyone with a predilection for terrible movies.<br /><br />Bad Movie Score: 8/10 Good Movie Score: 6/10