You know "women's" pictures of old - tragic love stories, soft focus camera work, weepy scores. Well, the tradition is alive and well in this boring tale from Ulli Lommel. Based on a true story of a man who ate another man because he met on the internet (was it consensual? was it murder?), "Diary of a Cannibal" trades the details to modern California love. It tries to combine horror and romance, but it just falls flat on both counts.<br /><br />As a horror film, it's too slow and not gory enough, plus it gives all the money shots too early. We know what's going to happen and see the same shots over and over again. The way the story is structured, the girl isn't driven to madness or secretly already mad. She just does what she does and seems bored with the whole deal.<br /><br />As a romance, it's too gory and disturbing, plus the romance part really isn't shown well. They meet and they're both relieved the other is cute and walk around on the shore and BLAMMO! that means love. There's just no resonance to it.<br /><br />A silly subplot/twist also fails, as does the irritating "flashback" way the story is told. The performances are also pretty terrible, with the exception of Jillian Swanson who does a nice job as Noelle. And dig the epilogue with the faux Mulder and Scully who are interrogating her! Romance and horror can work - just look at "Dellamorte Dellamore" or even "Return of the Living Dead 3." Just don't look at "Diary of a Cannibal."