Yet another from the jokily hypothetical: Have you ever been watching Witness and thought, This film would be so much better if Harrison Ford was a ditzy blonde with no concept of respect, restraint or modesty? Plus, why can't they be Jews? That whole 'no technology' thing is SOOO boring." Well, I wasn't that big a fan of Witness, but it's a masterpiece compared to the awkward and frequently blisteringly stupid A Stranger Among Us. Here, the aforementioned ditzy blonde is cop Melanie Griffith, who we are introduced to in an early scene where a crime is committed, so she whips out her standard-issue and busts a cap in his ass. She gets scolded for this, but it's no skin of her back, as she's got bigger fish to try: She's gonna move in with some Hasidic Jews after she suspects someone close in the murder of one of their own (in a corpse reveal scene so hilariously obvious I think my 8-year-old niece could have found it).<br /><br />Melanie Griffith is among the dumbest, most obnoxious characters I've seen in some time. I think we're supposed to find her some sort of charming 'free spirit', but really, she's closer to "incredibly rude and uncouth". Being possibly the most unbelievable law enforcement professional in film history, she is not only trigger-happy and scantily-dressed, but curses in front of Jewish elders and continually hits on most of the Hasidic men in her, chief among them reasonable and calm Ariel (Eric Thal). Not to mention the most ridiculous facts that in-between being liberally foul-mouthed, her dialogue about more pressing matters is stilted and verbose in the most cringeworthy sense, and her climactic speech that ties up every loose end in some gloriously vast leaps of logic.<br /><br />As we find out more about her and more about the Hasidic people she is supposed to be entering a living arrangement with, the more and more reasonable they look despite the film's insistences, filmic style and musical cues instructing us that these are simplistic, ignorant people set in their simplistic, ignorant ways, and aren't they cute. For example, I understand that women being viable members of the workforce is a wonderful thing for equality, but not every woman wants to be a working woman, and the fact that both Griffith and the film seemingly recoil in abject horror at the very thought of woman-as-housewife speaks to the film's baffling ignorance.<br /><br />As mentioned, Griffith is stunningly terrible, as is the script. The rest of the cast isn't given much more to do. Thal is appropriately stoic throughout most of the film, but that skill betrays him when his big emotional scene comes and he proves himself not up to the task. Tracy Pollan plays the suspicious stepdaughter to Lee Richardson, and James Gandolfini, Chris Latta and Jake Weber her 'old friends' from back 'round the way. None of them makes much of an impact, and the only person to even garner a passing grade is the adorable Mia Sara (y'know, Ferris's girlfriend), who somehow manages to maintain a beauty, intelligence, and gentle grace despite the film's apparent contempt for her lifestyle.<br /><br />I am now twenty-three films through my epic Sidney Lumet quest, and I can honestly say I have absolutely no grasp on Lumet as a director. It seems inconceivable that the same man that produced Twelve Angry Men, Network, Dog Day Afternoon, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, Murder on th Orient Express and Fail-Safe could produce something like A Stranger Among Us. I understand that every producer of art and media can sometimes make missteps, but this production is so flawed from its very core and goes about its business in such an offensively patronizing manner that I am unable to even fathom what he could possibly have been thinking.<br /><br />This film is commonly sighted as one of Lumet's failures, along with the following year's Guilty as Sin. But at least that mess had a trashy charm about it (It stars Don Johnson and Rebecca De Mornay for chrissake!) This has no such thing. It's nearly an hour and a half shorter than Long Day's Journey Into Night, so it certainly won't wrestle away the title of Worst Lumet Film, but this colossal, fundamental misstep depresses me with how close it comes.<br /><br />{Grade: 3.75 (C-/D+) / #31 (of 31) of 1992}