Ah, yes, The Touch of Satan. There's just one problem with this movie. It's bad, bad, bad. It starts off with a long, torturously slow drive through the opening credits, and never gets any better. Talk about slooooooooooow. This movie would probably only be half an hour long if they'd have just cut out all the dead space. More time is used up by pauses in the dialogue than the actors spend speaking their lines.<br /><br />It's a movie about murder, witches, Satan, and love - your basic feel-good horror flick. The movie centers around our hero Jodie, a young man sowing his oats, and Melissa, the Satan-possessed would-be witch whom he falls in love with.<br /><br />In a supporting role, Melissa's witch sister, (who resembles a cross between an extremely wrinkled leather coat and a troll doll) gleefully traipses about the family walnut farm pitchforking innocent farmers and meat hooking unaware sherriff's deputies, all the while making dolphin-esque squeals, and holding on to her favorite hideously ugly porcelain doll.<br /><br />The strange thing is (no, there couldn't be anything strange about THIS movie), the person who's supposed to have been touched by Satan is the good guy. Melissa doesn't even get to kill anyone, and she's the one who was TOUCHED BY SATAN. The holes in the logic of this movie are big enough to lose the Mir Space station in.<br /><br />It's also filled with memorable quotes like:<br /><br />"This your pond?" "It belongs to my father." "Oh. Does he mind if people skip rocks across it?"<br /><br />"What kind of farm?" "We grow walnuts mostly." "Walnuts, huh? I've never been on a walnut ranch."<br /><br />And don't forget this classic:<br /><br />"We ain't found nothin' yet, not even a suspicious cowchip."<br /><br />This movie, as well as the rest of the world, would have been better off if it had "Touch"-ed the bottom of a garbage can instead of being released.