"I didn't think it would be that bad," Mr. Shade remarked as we walked out of the theater, despondent over the fact that 80 minutes of our lives were wasted and there was nothing we could do about it. "I'd say that's the worst parody I've ever seen," he continued.<br /><br />I couldn't agree more. And I like parodies. When they're funny. Unlike "Date Movie," a film whose severe lack of humor suggests that the script couldn't have taken much more than an hour to write. I understand that it can be hard to write good comedy, but at least put forth an effort. I'm sorry, but was I supposed to laugh when Alyson Hannigan popped a huge zit on her face and the force of the "stuff" coming out catapulted her through a wall? That's funny? No, no it isn't.<br /><br />Like I said, it's hard enough to write good comedy. And yes, I sincerely believe that "stupid" comedy CAN be funny, so don't even bother claiming I'm just some snobby reviewer who can't appreciate stupid humor. Believe me, I can - I enjoyed "Scary Movie 3" for goodness' sake! But it's even harder to cleverly satirize movies that are funny in the first place. Perhaps it's just a special brand of talent that can take funny scenes from existing movies and make them completely unfunny. Congratulations writers! If that was your goal then you succeeded.<br /><br />I don't know; maybe it's me. I guess I should blame the fact that nowadays my comedic standards call for something more than a cat having sex with a human corpse. I didn't realize anybody on earth would find that humorous, but it looks like I was wrong. And I suppose I've gotten to the point in my life where extended scenes involving a cat with diarrhea just don't put a smile on my face.<br /><br />I was also under the impression that the "I'll have what he's having" joke had run its course, but the writers of "Date Movie" have proved that no joke is too old or tired for them. Nor will anything stop them from dragging a scene out way beyond an acceptable length. Oh look, Eddie Griffin's face just slid up and down Fred Willard's hairy chest and Eddie pulled a hairball out of his mouth, and it only took him two or three extremely unfunny minutes to get to the big "payoff." Wow, talk about funny. Ha. Ha. My gut just busted. I better see a doctor.<br /><br />A girl sticks a cherry stem in her mouth and pulls out a carousel, and I'm supposed to laugh? Hardy har har. Uh-oh, it's shock value time! They're talking about a vaginal thermometer that has been in the family for generations and how for good luck it can't be washed. Please, try not to hurt yourself from laughing too hard. These guys are pushin' the envelope and walkin' the edge! <br /><br />As gross and ridiculous as all that is, the worst is when some old woman is having a romantic dinner with a fake cat and later makes out with it. Uh-huh. That's high quality stuff right there ... IF YOU HAVE THE IQ OF KEVIN FEDERLINE! Sheesh. Are you getting the picture? <br /><br />If you're reading this and thinking, "Man, all that sounds hilarious!" then I weep for our future. But if you're sitting there with a look of disgust because you can't believe that somebody greenlighted a budget for this tripe then you know to avoid this like Paris Hilton with the plague, and you give me hope.<br /><br />Mrs. Shade had to stay at work late, but she quickly headed straight from work to the theater, arriving just in time for the screening. After the movie, she grimaced and said, "I rushed over here for this?" I can't fault her anger. At least she didn't have to pay to see the movie. Just imagine if you go to the trouble to drive to the theater AND shell out at least $8 a ticket. Please, learn from our painful experience. Avoid it.<br /><br />If you have even the slightest inkling that you might want to see this then grab a bottle of White-Out and vanquish those thoughts right now. You've been warned; don't treat this carelessly.<br /><br />As always, I'm Johnny Betts, and I'm watching bad movies so that you don't have to. Don't let my efforts be in vain. Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to read a book in the hopes of recovering some lost brain cells.