IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ SPOILERS, DO NOT READ ON. THANK YOU.<br /><br />I'll be honest with you. I went into the video store looking for something mildly bad, but funny enough to keep myself entertained. The DVD starts off hilariously, with a rapidly-moving movie about zombie chickens, making me laugh in hilarity. This went on for so long, I was happily munching on my hot pocket... until it said it was a preview. This was followed by another long one, which, thanks to the genius programmers, I couldn't skip passed, so I had to FastForward. Then I finally got to the menu, which surprised me, to be frank. For the price I got it at, I wasn't expecting that much. The movie started with Lloyd Kaufman, an eccentric Jewish man who is the father of a few cult films, which made me excited. Generally, anything with Troma on it will elicit a "what?" response, which is what keeps me going. After Kaufman speaks with a few cute girls at some horror expo, the movie begins. Well, not quite. After play, some guys talk about how big a, I quote exactly, a "POS" this movie was. This goes on for awhile until I skip ahead.<br /><br />First thing I can't help but notice is that the camera and lighting work is about as good as your typical soap opera, and sometimes won't even sit still.<br /><br />The movie starts off jarringly, but no one cares. Two cops kill a guy, and put in some framing guns, though later they just shoot people for fun. Not even five minutes in, a woman disrobes, meaning someone is about to die. Naked chicks are always a signal something big is about to go down. They're in the gym of a community college, and one of them, I'll say, isn't particularly bad to look at. any arousal is quickly doused by the biker-chick esquire woman who supposedly gets hit on a lot. All of this is just filler, until the cuter woman goes in the shower, disappears when a hand grabs her, and some juice is tossed at the shower wall. I should mention, the sound is appalling in this scene. It's not award winning in any others, but the gym is inexcusable. Kaufman also plays an overacting janitor, supposedly has the biggest case of homophobia on earth because he thinks, I'm not kidding, that a man being eaten by another man is totally normal, homosexual behavior.<br /><br />These zombies are not really zombies at all. They can choose to reveal themselves, they are sentient, intelligent, and well skilled in combat. Hell, they're demons, I have no idea where they got zombies from. We learn this when a guy who hates late fees kills the clerk by cheaply ripping his heart out, and eating it when charged.<br /><br />We return to the cops, who may as well be named Good Cop and Bad Cop, since it doesn't matter. I actually had to take notes throughout this whole thing, and to run through them all would fill up the amount of characters I have available. so, I'll lay out a few of the more glaring memories: There's a pointless scene where the bad cop humps to orgasm a car driven by a group of four college kids after belittling them. There's also a lengthy conversation about testicles and the eating of said organs. There's also a running comment that no one should be in the college "at these hours," often through a truly pointless subplot about some jerk-turned-good guy who saves a girl he likes, who works inventory at a book store. despite the implication that it is pretty late at night, it's always broad daylight outside. Most of the killing early on is done by the Bad cop, who is in fact a good guy. The zombies are also major wusses, who can be defeated by a few punches. There's a half decent fight scene between Sensei Zombie (a kung fu master undead) and the good cop after they rescue three useless girls. After this, they go into a safe house occupied by God. Despite being a safe house, every one inside it eventually dies. There's a few other things, I could mention, but I'd like to skip to the ultimate fight of good v. evil: Good cop is supposedly a warrior of God, because of his blood line. He fights the head zombie, which consists of him getting his punch caught, and then ripping the head zombie's heart out. Think they could've made this scene, the climax, a bit more interesting? I don't know. The movie ends with the guy getting gunned down, and zombies swarming the world.<br /><br />Wow. This is one of the first movies they ever made me stare at the screen speechless, before bursting out into laughter. "What the hell is this?"<br /><br />What is this? This is a major piece of crap. If you're a fan of that, well, perhaps you should look into it. But, the main stream movie-goer will probably want to commit suicide after watching this, so by all means avoid.<br /><br />Main stream: 1/10 <br /><br />Masochistic Movie-Geek: 10/10