Tom Laughlin directed this.<br /><br />Yep, good-old Billy Jack; the Master Gunfighter himself. And no, this one doesn't clock in at over three hours - it just FEELS like it.<br /><br />"The Touch of Satan" is awash in stupid people. But not just any stupid people: slow, boring, lethargic and stupid people. From as far back as the 1800's to the 1970's, they all act the same - bored stiff. Even a batch of witch-burners chanting out "burn the witch...burn the witch....", exactly the way I wrote it. No exclamation points, no shouting, they just...say it. Hey Tom, give the cast some coffee, will ya?!<br /><br />Some nondescript guy drives into this stupid, bored town and falls in love with a 200 year-old woman who doesn't look a day over 20 (or maybe 30 - okay, 39), in spite of having a haggard old woman living with her that pitchforks, meathooks or squeals at people at the most inconvenient times. There's a little blood, some nudity and a weird ending sequence where the credits and the end score both skip ahead a little. Coincidence, or...THE TOUCH OF SATAN? Aaah, who cares?<br /><br />Oh, and a lot of dramatic pauses. I mean A LOT OF DRAMATIC PAUSES. Take them out, this crummy flick wouldn't even last twenty minutes. I know, they were trying to make it more dramatic and cerebral, blah blah blah. Great, if only this film had a brain to BE cerebral with!<br /><br />Even Mike and the robots struggle along in this one. Favorite scene: their "whacka-chaka" sing-along with the beginning theme (very '70s, trust me).<br /><br />No stars, not a single stinkin' one, for "The Touch of Satan". Only five for the MST3K version.<br /><br />Hey "Satan", go "Touch" someone else.