There is no way for me to accurately convey how terrible this movie is, but I will try. Buying the Cow is one of those movies that you never knew existed and upon discovering wished that you could altogether forget, but can't because it is such a wonderful example of what people should not do with studio money. Aside from the lackluster plot, stock characters and painfully unfunny bathroom jokes which seem to run rampant throughout the movie (most of which are so belabored as to remove the possibility of eliciting even a measly chuckle) there is something so weary about the movie that you begin to wonder if it may have been written by an Old Hollywood heavyweight trying to make a comeback in the new century and only succeeding in poorly rehashing the old jokes and stereotypes that made him successful forty or more years ago.