In sixty years of movie-going I have sat through some clunkers but "Nine Months" is right up there with "I aim at the stars","Mrs Doubtfire" and "Johnny English" vying for the accolade "Worst of the worst".It is a movie with absolutely no merit whatsoever.It has Robin Williams, who clearly thinks he is one of the funniest men on the planet, in a small role. Unfortunately no one had the nerve to tell him it was a small role and he gives us his usual "lovable" foreign schmuck stereotype,shouting and waving his arms.His comical misuse of the word "Pussy" should have you rolling in the aisle.It has Tom Arnold in a rather bigger role.He too spends most of his time shouting and waving his arms in between "hilarious" attempts to kiss Hugh Grant.It also has Joan Cusack,a sort of madonna (with a small "m") figure worshipped for her fecundity.She too is very loud,her screams in labour are truly terrifying.And then there is Julianne Moore wafting through the movie half - heartedly,looking as though her mind is really on where she left her car keys.She is so disinterested she can barely be bothered to look at Hugh Grant,which is a sentiment I can at least have a certain sympathy for. Mr Grant never gets into first gear let alone out of it in the less - than - taxing part of the posh English shrink with a practice in San Francisco and a reluctance to have children without long and serious consideration,a remarkably sensible attitude that renders him an object of contempt and ridicule in this movie.He stutters a lot and closes his eyes to express deep emotion,furrowing his brow then,in desperation, resorts to shouting and waving his arms like everybody else. In the last reel Mr Grant gets round to seeing that "fatherhood",even if accidental, is a "Good Thing" and flies to Miss Moore's side to be present at what must be the most protracted and noisiest birth scene in the movies.Mr Williams dispenses with acting altogether,simply bouncing off various bits of scenery(the very few left unchewed)like a demented pinball. Un point then for "Neuf Mois",to give it the title of the French original,and,believe me,it struggled to reach that.