"I, Claudius" is one of the best things to watch, ever. It's awe-inspiring, from its wealth of information (is Robert Graves one person or a research and communications department?) to its superb acting and gorgeous sets (I just wish that it was taped on film so it would have that fancy look to it). Sian Phillip's Livia is a beyond-Machiavellian force to be reckoned with, really one of the best performances I've ever seen. Brian Blessed's Augustus is comic relief, but one that carries a big stick even though his wife is paving the way. And Derek Jacobi as Claudius is all false idiocy, which looks harder to pull off than what everyone is doing today- that simmering "mystique" which is as empty and false as the way everyone perceived Claudius to be. He's got a thick vein of cleverness pumping just below his magnificently thick exterior. But my favourite- one of my favourite characters in all of film, is Sejanus. This is one sexy beast. He's a corrupt Roman who wears a uniform, and have you heard his voice? Makes my teenage hormones go all in a tizzy. I had no idea a guy from Star Trek could be so sexy, but now I don't know, I might have to start watching those old shows just to see what I've been missing. (If you read this, Patrick Stewart, you are a SEX MACHINE!!!!!!) Bald or in uniform (either series) he is delicious. AND, MAGENTA is in this (Livilla, Sejanus's squeeze, the lucky bitch). If this and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" is all she did, that is enough to make me jealous. And the sets are what I am modelling my house after, and my wedding dress is going to be a toga, and my parties are going to be bigass Roman orgies with at least a few Sejanuses and a couple of Drususes and the odd Herrod Agrippa (but no beard), and lots of Caligulas- they'd be a riot. And the moral lesson I have learned from "I, Claudius" is that we all know a few mini emperors - I know a Caligula, a wannabe Livia, some hardcore Messalinas (we call them hoochies around here), and I'm not sure if I am a Claudius or Tiberius, but I'll be happy either way so long that I find a Sejanus. Or Patrick Stewart. (Once again, all together: SEX MACHINE!!!)