Charlotte Gray is long, ponderous, shapeless, unpoetic, unconvincing and dull.<br /><br />Cate Blanchett looks like a million bucks; I don't think there's any doubt that she is, like Helen of Troy in her day, the most beautiful woman on the planet, but even that isn't enough to liven up this misdirected and clumsy adventure. You feel like you're watching a retro fashion show, as Cate models a wool skirt, and then a tight-fitting green sweater, and there she is in a crimson outfit topped with a beret. The wardrobe is fantastic, but one can't be blamed for wondering how a Scottish agent dropped into Vichy France with nothing but a parachute and a pocketful of cyanide managed to assemble such a dashing wardrobe in a farming village.<br /><br />The script essentially relies on sexual tension to function properly, and it doesn't, because the gentlemen cast opposite Kate are such bland pretty boys -- soap opera sidemen -- that you only feel uncomfortable for them when things start heating up in the bedroom. It may be that there actually aren't any leading men fit to play opposite Ms. Blanchett in this year 2002 as a consequence of 10 years of increasingly vapid and effeminite chiseled-jaw frat boys taking over the screen, but regardless of the systemic explanations, there's not much to do but blush or laugh when you note that Billy Crudup's voice is registering about an octave higher than Ms. Blanchett's. Tilt.<br /><br />The direction is lamentable. The movie plays like a shoddily-constructed Merchant-Ivory film; you're left with the bad parts of the genre (artificiality, preciousness), without any of the good (smart, adult, sexy). While the movie isn't wretched in the fashion of pap like "The Majestic", it is indeed painful to sit through as one scene after another drags the stale plot through the French countryside. It's like the director, Gillian Armstrong, is trying to flog sentiment out of the audience in a battle of endurance. By the time the 3rd act rolls around and Armstrong starts throwing in title cards like "6 months later" and "1945: Peace" you've long since had enough and are only wanting to see one title card: The End.