And lo! Shall it come to pass that amongst thine horror elite shall arise another Sleepaway Camp sequel. For his sins, Vincent Pastore shall be amongst thine above-the-line talent. Much cried shall be the squealing of "Your ass stinks!" by yon chubby mentally challenged but endowed with the gift of annoyance camper whom instant death shall be wished upon by all.<br /><br />Looketh no further, guy-who-guest-starred-those-two-times-on-Flight-of-the-Conchords, ye fate shall meeteth thee in the fry-a-later with that one overdone french fry. Even though all you have to do is kick your legs to get away, you shan't do it and shall succumb to your transfatty fate! A miracle shall be imparted to this film! Whereas the kid playing Weed shall look and act like the kid who played Stewie on Malcolm in the Middle, but all shall find dread whence looking upon IMDb and realizing that though he did guest star on an episode of yon horrid series, he playest Stewie NOT! O Weed! Smokest not the manure-laced joint, lay down your joking ways and be saved! lest you meet your fiery damnation tied to a lawn chair with a bumper sticker across your face.<br /><br />BEHOLD! T.C. shall be stabbed in the eye by the pointed rod of the Almighty! and from betwixt pairs of panties covering his head, another shall shriek a pubescent boy's shrill call of terror.<br /><br />And the Angel spoketh to me and I unto you that fishing line shall be affixed to a counselor's man-junk as well as a bumper of a jeep! And the jeep shall pull away inflicting much castrations in a sequence that takes too much time, defying the conventions of editing to produce dramatic tension and story arc.<br /><br />Sweet, virtuous Karen  ye knowest not the cock-teasery you inflict, and so shall be spared.<br /><br />And there shall come to pass an inexplicable ending whenst the killer shall come to be revealed as a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man wearing a fake nose and beard that foolist no one! And then there shall be blackness. End.