Why did I headline this review with that comment? Because it gives you an idea on how this movie is, it should have been called "The Crud" because that is all I got out of this piece of junk. It looks like a version of "Grumpy Old Goodfellas" except GRUMPY OLD MEN was funny and GOODFELLAS was excellent drama, THE CREW comes nowhere near those film for quality. Back in the 1960's four men were making the big bucks back in New Jersey (all the gangsters come from either New York or New Jersey, it's in the mobster film rule book). Then come the year 2000, the four men have aged and are now living in Miami Beach with a good view of the ocean. There's the leader Bobby Bartellemeo (Richard Dreyfuss), the short temper Joey "Bats" Pistella (Burt Reynolds), Mike the Brick (Dan Hedaya), and Tony "the Mouth" Donato (Seymor Cassel). The retirement complex that these men live in is losing the old and bringing in the young (because they love the ocean view). So these four men decide to fake a murder so every youning would move out. The problem is the already dead body is the father of a short temper drug lord (Miguel Sandoval). And when Tony's girlfriend, Ferris, (a voluptuous Jennifer Tilly) who is a stripper ask the men to "wack" her step-mother (Lainie Kazan), all chaos breaks loose. And there is also a sub-plot with two police detectives (Carrie Anne Moss and Jeremy Piven) who are investigating the murder. This movie will have the senior citizens laugh so hard that their dentures will keep falling out. But for those under the age of 50, will find this film boring, tedious, and slow. The only way this is some what watchable for men is looking at the beautiful body of Jennifer Tilly, which has improved since her BULLETS OVER BROADWAY days. As for the women, I can't think of anything that will appeal to them, so they'll probably fall asleep. The acting in this is bad bad bad, Richard Dreyfuss who can be a great actor (look at MR. HOLLAND'S OPUS) is doing his routine comic role, similar to KRIPPENDORF'S TRIBE. Burt Reynolds who is also good (look at BOOGIE NIGHTS) is a comic prop used in this film getting wacked on the head and having his head dunked in the toilet. Dan Hedaya keeps commenting on his "art work" on his deceased bodies he fixes up at the morgue that he works at. But it's Seymor Cassel who I found to be the most enjoyable of the four. One: he barely talks at all, so he doesn't have anything stupid to say, unlike Dreyfuss, Reynolds, and Hedaya. Two: when he does have something to say, it's always more enjoyable than anyone else in the film. Carrie Anne Moss who was full of energy in THE MATRIX is sleep-walking in this film. Jeremy Piven who can be enjoyable is more annoying. And Lainie Kazan gets the award for the most annoying character in the film as the Jewish step-mother of Jennifer Tilly's character. Besides Cassel, Miguel Sandoval has a few bits of good lines also (especially on his description on Seymor Cassel's appearance). But does that save the film, hell no! It's so silly and brainless that you wonder how a bad director like Dinner got a talented cast like this. My guess is that Dinner made a bet that SAVING PRIVATE RYAN wouldn't win the Best Picture Oscar. And what is the talented Barry Sonnenfield doing producing this bomb. He's always bringing out good products, GET SHORTY, MEN IN BLACK, and even WILD WILD WEST! From my guess, the only way that THE CREW is going to make any money this weekend is: 1.) People will get it confused with THE CELL, since they have the same count of letters. Or 2.)<br /><br />People will get it confused with another film with four old men getting back into action, SPACE COWBOYS. SPACE COWBOYS had wit, charm, and even excitement, THE CREW doesn't have any of that. If you want to see a great film with four old timers getting back into action, go see SPACE COWBOYS. And if you already seen SPACE COWBOYS, go see it again. Save yourself from this witless and pointless travesty which calls itself a comedy. *1/2 (out of five)