This movie plays like a 90 minute TV show. You know the kind of TV I'm talking about. Crap stuff that plays on cable trying to cash in on old themes, crap like the Conan and Robin Hood series, and yes Hercules and Xena. The acting is crap and the characters all act and talk like modern day Americans, thanks not only to the writing but the TV quality actors. The problem with stuff like this is it makes no real effort to transport you to another time and place, because costume and set design alone doesn't work. Instead it's just a bunch of everyday modern Americans playing dress up. You could have the biggest budget in the world and the greatest attention to background detail, but having a main character who's basically a walking anachronism will make it all null.<br /><br />If this was actually the script for the third Conan film, it's easy to see why Arnie said no. The story is dreadful. Everything about the film is dreadful. I really hate the theme of "setting things right" in ancient times. Their beliefs and their laws suited the people of the time. It's so bigoted (and American) to say "this is how you ought to be". This film is so formulaic and stupid that I couldn't help but laugh at every predictable "plot" development and piece of dialogue.<br /><br />The biggest "star" in it, aside from Sorbo who's career has basically died since, is Tia Carerre playing a really stupid but typical female villain. Come to think of it, she doesn't have much of a career anymore either.<br /><br />Gah. There's nothing to redeem this film at all. It even has ROCK MUSIC during one of the battle sequences. It's even worse than Christopher Lambert's Beowulf.<br /><br />2/10