"Old School" director Todd Phillips lampoons every cop movie convention and cliché in his new action comedy "Starsky & Hutch," an amusing but anemic annihilation of the tough-minded, 1970s-era, buddy-themed, crime busters television series that paved the way for shows like "Miami Vice." Comedian Ben Stiller of "Meet the Parents" recreates the Paul Michael Glaser role as Det. Dave Starsky, while Owen Wilson of "The Big Bounce" updates the David Soul character Det. Ken Hutchinson. Mind you, Stiller is usually a stellar comic, but his exaggerated, hyperactive performance here is far too epileptic to be palatable. He resembles an anorexic Lou Ferrigno, and he behaves as if he wandered in from another movie. Meanwhile, Owen Wilson plays his usual laid-back slacker self. Wilson goes for comparative subtlety. Sadly, "S & H" lacks any shred of subtlety. What Phillips and co-scenarists John O'Brien of "Cradle 2 The Grave" and Scot Armstrong, who co-scripted "Old School" and "Road Trip" with Phillips, have done to TV's "Starsky and Hutch" is not nearly as appalling as what director Barry Sonnenfeld did to TV's "The Wild Wild West" with his "Wild Wild West." Sadly, this sacrilegious law & order spoof is horrendous enough as it is.<br /><br />"Starsky & Hutch" TV show fans will feel insulted and humiliated by this contemptible makeover of a venerable series. Phillips & company stand the action formula on its head, pull its pants down, and turn our heroes into moronic misfits. "S & H" shares more in common with the Village People than a straight-up and serious TV cops & robbers show. People who never saw TV's "Starsky and Hutch" may find it easier to laugh at our heroes' buffoonish behavior. Phillips scores points for his broad, imaginative comedy, but he devastates a popular show. Essentially, Phillips & company have ignored the basic rule of remakes: if it ain' t broke, don't fix it. Only Snoop Dogg as Huggy Bear, Vince Vaughn as villainous Reese Feldman, and Fred Williamson's Captain Dobey emerge unscathed from this cretinous comedy.<br /><br />"Starsky & Hutch" gets off on the right foot. Jewish businessman/cocaine dealer Reese Feldman (Vince Vaughn of "Clay Pigeons" with a bandit mustache) has a falling out with one of his accomplices over the loss of a coke consignment and a plane. Out of the blue, Feldman palms a pistol and blows a hole through the argumentative thug, sending him involuntarily backwards over the railing of his yacht and into the ocean. As the wily villain, Feldman has altered the chemical formula of cocaine so drug-sniffing German Sheppard dogs cannot catch any incriminating whiffs from the narcotics. Further, this new cocaine is tasteless, which spins off a great gag with Starsky stirring it into his coffee as if it were sugar. The clever running joke during the expository scene about the drug is the comparison of 'new' coke with 'old' coke. Feldman plans to sell consignments of his wonder drug to a syndicate of drug dealers.<br /><br />Meanwhile, Bay City Police Captain Dobey (Frank Williamson of "Hammer") makes partners out of polar opposites who have virtually no credibility in the department. Detective Dave Starsky has an anger management problem and is prone to firing his pistol in public at the wrong times. He drives like a maniac and he busts citizens for the least infraction of the law. On the other hand, Detective Ken Hutchinson drop kicked his ethics long ago and moonlights as a robber who hits bookies. Predictably, these dynamic dudes have problems adjusting to each other's idiosyncrasies. One thing Hutch likes about Starsky, however, is his souped-up, red Ford Grand Torino in which they careen recklessly around the streets of Bay City. Anyway, our heroes find a floater who turns out to be the same guy Feldman gunned down on his yacht. (Indeed, Vaughn makes a more believable bad guy than our protagonists make heroes.) In the by-the-numbers, police procedural screenplay, Starsky and Hutch trace the floater back to Feldman. Initially, they have no luck with Feldman and follow another lead: the dragon designs on the corpse's jacket. This takes them to prison where they encounter Big Earl (an unaccredited Will Ferrell of "Elf" with a hair net) who fashioned the designs. Starsky and Hutch ply Big Earl for information, but he proves more an obstacle than they expected. Where the original "S&H" duo would have shattered the glass between them in the prison interview room and beaten him to a pulp, the new "Starsky and Hutch" adopt a different approach. No concession they offer the convict appeals to him, until he asks to ogle Hutch's belly button. Before it's all over, Starsky and Hutch are caught on prison surveillance cams performing "Dumb and Dumber" routines for Big Earl. Like so much of the comedy in "S & H," this scene tickles your funny bone. Unfortunately, it's in the wrong movie. Starsky and Hutch check in occasionally with their number one snitch: Huggy Bear (Snoop Dogg of "Baby Boy") and even persuade him to wear a wire and serve as Feldman's golf caddy in one scene. However, no matter what our heroes do to try and bust Feldman, they always wind up with egg on their face, to the point Capt. Dobey suspends them from the force.<br /><br />Snoop Dog walks off with the show without breaking a sweat. The producers show greater reverence for his character than any other. The Ford Grand Torino gives a better performance than either lead. Another plus is the classic disco soundtrack with hits from the 70s such as "Afternoon Delight" and a send-up of David Soul's own "Don't Give Up On Us Baby." Altogether, while its boasts several funny scenes, this "Starsky & Hutch" remake doesn't amount to much.