***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** One of the joys of working all-night shifts is that very occasionally you stumble across a gem of a film squashed in between the late night news and Anthony Robbins telemall ads. This was not one of those times. "Cobra Force" is an unspeakably bad film that almost defies you to like it in some mind-achingly sadistic way. Quite how any living person would get themselves mixed up in such a godawful mess as this South African waste of celluloid is almost beyond comprehension. Shot on budget-quality stock so it looks ten years older than it is, this incomprehensible action film appears to start out as a crime-buster film and ends up as a bizarre commando flick with condemned ex-vets pursuing a hostage-taking terrorist across the savannah and culminating in the most inane and badly staged shoot out in cinematic history. For the sake of a plot, a KGB operative attempts to stir up a localised war in two African states by assigning a bewildered looking terrorist the task of kidnapping the daughter of an ambassador. In the meantime, there's some kind of war on crime going on with with car chases, executions and people getting blown away willy-nilly. Shots from small-bore handguns send people flying through doors, walls, windows and off balconies. People get set on fire, smashed up in cars and brutalsied for no apparent reason. Whether this is supposed to serve as some kind of sub-plot or not can not be determined. It looks like the producers (if, in fact, there were any) just stuck two different movies together and hoped no one would notice. Don't even mention the acting. As the terrorist drags off his hostage, without so much as a struggle, she whines "Let go, you beast!" Seriously. Two guys masquerading as cops pull over three Asian guys in a truck laden with chickens for no obvious reason at all. A fight breaks out (the Asian guys use martial arts, of course) and everyone gets killed except for one guy who reappears throughout, murdering people. Who he is and what his motivation is, even what he has to do with the plot, is never revealed. As the commandos chase their dangerous quarry across the South African plains, they meet a small boy. Of course, as any good commando squad made up of pardoned criminals would do, they promptly take him with them. And of course, at last, the commando leader catches up with the terrorist, still dragging the hostage behind by the wrist and they face off on a suspension bridge. The only other commando left, who couldn't even shoot straight with a well aimed pistol earlier on, kills the baddie with a machine gun fired from the hip. From a hundred metres away. Without hitting anyone or anything else. It's hard to fathom just why this film exists, unless it's an example of just how bad a film can be. "Cobra Force" is so bad it isn't even deplorable. Even those who enjoy bad films will hate this. I was actually glad when Anthony Robbins came on, and that's saying something.<br /><br />