A Zed and Two Noughts is a 1985 film about twin zoologists who lose their wives in a car accident and become obsessed with decomposing animals. Written and directed by Peter Greenaway In the land of the legless the one-legged woman is queen. Imagine that, the body - in all its delicious detail - fading away leaving a skeleton with iron legs. Pregnant women are notoriously unreliable. Especially when they're trying to procure an abortion. Oswald Deuce: How fast does a woman decompose? Oliver Deuce: Six months, maybe a year? Depends on the conditions. Oswald Deuce: Does being pregnant make any difference? Oliver Deuce: No. Oswald Deuce: And the baby? Oliver Deuce: How far gone was she? Oswald Deuce: Perhaps ten weeks. Oliver Deuce: Then you'd never know. Oswald Deuce: [long pause] I cannot stand the idea of her rotting away. [short pause] What is the first thing that happens? Oliver Deuce: The first thing that happens is bacteria set to work in the intestine. Oswald Deuce: What sort of bacteria? Oliver Deuce: [matter-of-factly] Bicosis populi. There are supposed to be 130,000 bicoses in each lick of a human tongue; 250,000 in a french kiss. First exchanged at the very beginning of creation when Adam kissed Eve. Oswald Deuce: Suppose Eve kissed Adam. Oliver Deuce: Unlikely. She used her first 100,000 on the apple. Alba Bewick: I am about to become a mother, and you are about to become a father... or fathers. Oswald Deuce: You what? Oliver Deuce: You are? Alba Bewick: I am. Oswald Deuce: Good lord. Oliver Deuce: You can? Alba Bewick: Of course! Is leglessness a form of contraception? Oswald Deuce: I'm not sure. Alba Bewick: You're not sure! Oswald Deuce: I'm delighted! Alba Bewick: You are delighted! [suspiciously] A pregnant cripple and you are delighted? Think of what it will do to my sense of balance! Oswald Deuce: It might help! Give you more stability. Alba Bewick: Then you recommend it? Recommendation's one thing. A womb on crutches is another. Oliver Deuce: So... who's the father? Alba Bewick: Well, well, well. Why don't you discuss it between yourselves? Oliver Deuce: Why, don't you know? Alba Bewick: Grand dieu! Does an animal behaviorist need to ask such questions? As far as I'm concerned, you both are. Oswald Deuce: But you... Alba Bewick: NO BUTS! [smiling] You're brothers, aren't you? What's a few spermatozoa among brothers! Andréa Ferréol - Alba Bewick Brian Deacon - Oswald Deuce Eric Deacon - Oliver Deuce Frances Barber - Venus de Milo Joss Ackland - Van Hoyten Jim Davidson - Joshua Plate Agnes Brulet as Beta Bewick Guusje Van Tilborgh - Caterina Bolnes Gerard Thoolen - Van Meegeren Ken Campbell - Stephen Pipe Wolf Kahler - Felipe Arc-en-Ciel Geoffrey Palmer - Fallast Wikipedia has an article about: A Zed & Two Noughts A Zed & Two Noughts quotes at the Internet Movie Database
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