The Adventures of Ford Fairlane is a 1990 action comedy film about a "rock n' roll" detective who solves crimes in Los Angeles' music scene. The movie starred comedian Andrew 'Dice' Clay, as Ford Fairlane. Directed by: Renny Harlin. Written by: Joel Silver, Daniel Waters and Steve Perry Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps. (taglines) Unfucking believable! So many assholes, So few bullets! Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my dick Tracy?! I am so terrifical I even have my own toll free number, 1800 Perfect Don't we do nuclear testing there? [spots koala bear on Jazz's] What are you two, Neil and Bob or is that like what you do? Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead. (Notices his strat) Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar, I found my guitar. (Brings it closer and notices its scratched) It's all scratched up, it's all scratched up. Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup. Melodi: You're that guy, the private eye. Ford: You're a poet and you didn't know it. Melodi: You heard Bobby Black od'd right? Ford: Yeah, so? Melodi: Do you suspect foul play and stuff? Ford: I'll let you know when someone pays me to give a shit and stuff! Tourist: Can you tell us how to get to Mann's Chinese Theater? Ford: Ah, go back to Michigan, asswipe! Tourist: Oh no, we're from Wisconsin. Ford: Yeah, and I'm from my dads penis. Get lost! Kid: When are you gonna let me work with you? Why you always fucking with me? Ford: Excuse me! You say the F word again, I'll bang you right the fuck out, you understand me? Now get the fuck outta here. Kid: I got something serious to discuss. Ford: Yeah, what is it? Premature ejaculation? Kid: You know, Ford, sometimes you can be a real dick. Ford: "Dick", "fuck". What kind of kid are you? Ford: Scalping at a funeral. You're a pretty sleazy guy. Scalper: Thanks, you interested? It's festival seating so you get a good, uh- Ford: How much? Scalper: 300. Ford: 300? You charged the chicks one. Scalper: Hey, they blew me. Ford: 300 coming up! Ford: Hey, who killed Bobby Black? Who killed Johnny Crunch? Who's Art Mooney? Talk to me. Zu Zu Petals: I don't now. Ford: Talk to me! Zu Zu Petals: I--I'm so scared! [gets on her knees] Help me! Ford: Hey, baby, a simple thank you would suffice. Zu Zu Petals: Fuck you! Zu Zu Petals: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! Smiley: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Ford: MY HAIR!!! MY HAIR!!! Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps. He's on the money, off the record, and over the top. Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick. Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick. Private Detective. Public Offender. Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton Lauren Holly - Jazz Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag Brandon Call - The Kid Robert Englund - Smiley Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos Vince Neil-Bobby Black Morris Day - Don Cleveland Sheila E. - Club singer Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala) Kari Wuhrer - Melodi Linda Atkinson - Nona' William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger Wikipedia has an article about: The Adventures of Ford Fairlane The Adventures of Ford Fairlane quotes at the Internet Movie Database
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