Megas XLR (2004–2005) was an American animated television series that aired on the Toonami block on Cartoon Network and is produced by Cartoon Network Studios. Gorrath: A time warp? That technology is only theoretical. Earthers can't even TELL time, let alone travel through it! Kiva:[After Coop bested Kiva's mech with a spectacular wrestling move] My drones! I can't understand how you beat me. Coop: Yeah...it kinda ROCKED. [Kiva looks at him] I mean, sorry about that. Kiva: How did YOU get to be such a good pilot? Coop: Well...[Flashback occurs. Mainly showing Coop sitting by the couch playing video games, he gets older, Jamie comes along and they both get older] Kiva: My robot wasn't meant to be a toy for some prehistoric yahoo and his pet monkey-thing! Jamie: Monkey-thing? MONKEY-THING?! BLAST HER, COOP!! Gorrath: Take us into Null Space, so we can affect repairs. Commander: Hmpf! Don't you mean: "run away because we got our jhorblochs handed to us by ONE EARTHER"? [Gorrath glares at him and the Commander shields his own face tentacles] Not the face! Gorrath: Tread lightly, Commander...or you might find yourself at the head of the next assault...WITHOUT A MECH! Coop: All right, you alien chumps! You're in MY town and nobody gets to wreck it. [Record Scratches] Uh...Except for me! Magnanimous: We all know there's no way you can beat all of us and protect the "subform" here. Jamie: SUB-FORM? Go get 'em Kiva, I got your back! Kiva: [After both of them get captured] [sarcasticaly] Thanks for getting my back... Jamie: [To Magnanimous] I wasn't doing anything! Hey, I don't even know her! Magnanimous: Groovy. Coop: [To Magnanimous] Okay you big-headed, tater-tot looking freak! You tricked me, you stacked the odds against me, you threatened my friends AND you insult my robot...NOW I'm mad! R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: I am the Replicant Engineered for Galactic Infiltration and Sabotage Mark V. Kiva: First we need to run through all the systems. Jamie: [Groans] But that could take hours. Coop: Could. Won't. [Coop flies Megas into space and pushes practically all the buttons.] R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: [After crushing the Megaslush machine infront of Coop] Do not panic. [Draws several weapons] You will all die. [R.E.G.I.S. chases after some people] Jamie: Coop, we got to stop that thing! Before it hurts ME! Coop: THAT "Thing"...Just Hurt...My Megaslush! Coop: [To R.E.G.I.S.] Hey, pal! I believe you owe me and my friend here a Megaslush. R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: Who dares challenge R.E.G.I.S.? R.E.G.I.S. is the destroyer of worlds, consumer of their rubble, bringer of despair. R.E.G.I.S. is- [Gets crushed by Megas] Jamie: Nice! R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: Surrender now, and I will destroy you peacefully. R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: The R.E.G.I.S. Mark V is invincible. No weapon forged by such a primitive species can defeat R.E.G.I.S., which is invincible. Kiva: [After seeing the R.E.G.I.S. Mark V repeatedly regenerate after being physically beaten down] Just to reiterate: Smashing bad. Jamie: You know, normally I'm pro-smashing, and I hate to agree with future-girl, but maybe smashing isn't the way to go this time. Coop: We tried no smashing, and that didn't work. I'm sticking to my strengths...And smashing is my strengths. I just need to find the right way to smash him. R.E.G.I.S. Mark V: The R.E.G.I.S. Mark V is the ultimate fighting machine. Unstoppable, merciless, glorious. No one is safe from the R.E.G.I.S.. Coop: All I wanted was a Megaslush, just ONE Megaslush! But you wouldn't let me have it would you? You busted up my town and you tried to eat my robot...NOW you're going down! HARD! Gorrath: I must admit that your strategies are strange and cunning...but mostly strange. Coop: All right, you intergalactic snots! You busted up my car show! Jamie: Yeah! Coop: You wrecked my friends' rides! Jamie: Yeah! Coop: AND! You made me run half a block! Jamie: Yeah! [record scratch] Wait-Half a block? Coop: Now, it's payback time! Jamie: Coop, "Magnoflex!" NOW! Coop: Listen up, you low rent Mothra wannabe! You going down and you going down EXTRA hard! No one gets away with trying to mess up MY robot! Let's get it on! Megas’ Dashboard: Missiles - More Missiles - ALL the Missiles! Coop: [The TV suddenly turns off] No... [Coop leaps onto the table showering Jamie with food] NO!!! [Coop desperately smacks the TV to get it to work] No! Jamie: [Still covered in food] Looks like the cable's out. Kiva: Coop, forget it. It's just Television. The world can live without it. Coop: [Coop imagines a bright happy world without TV where he is left as a pauper] No...I won't let that happen! Jamie: [As MEGAS gets sucked into the Planet Monster's surface] So THIS is how it all ends...I always thought I'd go down fighting a bunch of cyborg ninjas, or something cooler this-[MEGAS gets sucked beneath the surface] Coop: It's too bad we can't force it to over-eat. I mean, it always does me in. Jamie: No it doesn't. Coop: Well, yeah, but regular people get sick if they eat too much. Coop: No! I'm sick of this thing. It's trying to eat my planet, it messed up my paint job with acid boogs AND it made me miss my show! I'M taking this TV eating sucka to the mat. Grrkek: I should thank you for releasing me. Coop: Don't mention it! Grrkek: Instead I shall destroy you. Grrkek: [Now twice as large as before] Remember me? Coop: I remember I whooped your jacked up alien butt. Grrkek: A temporary setback. But thanks to your laser beam, I feel good enough to kill a thousand planets. Guess where I'm going to start? Coop: Uh, I don't know, YOUR MOM'S HOUSE!? [Grrkek kicks Megas] Grrkek: Now you'll see why they call me Grrkek the Planet Killer. [pause] Actually, you'll be too dead to see anything. But you get the idea. Coop: First, he smashes my car, which I was going to fix by the way! Then he breaks my videogame-- Jamie: Coop, you broke that. Coop: I'm on a roll here, man! And NOW he wants to break my planet? Well, I got news for you buddy! This town ain't big enough for the both...of...us? [Coop notices the giant tidal wave] Jamie: Come on man, haven't I always been there for you? Coop: [Thinking to himself, Flashbacks to Coop waiting by himself for Jamie at the movie theater,an amusement park, at Coop's Birthday,at Jamie's Birthday] Alright, but don't be touching none of the special buttons or nothing. [He gives Jamie the car keys] Jamie: Yeah yeah, I promise. [He takes the keys leaving Coop alone like in the flashbacks] Gorrath: [In a Mech that looks like MEGAS] Tremble before me! Pitiful earth filth! Goat: Sweet new paint job, bro. Tiny: Looking good, Coop! Gorrath: [Groans] What is wrong with this planet? Coop: I installed it so that I could still operate MEGAS, if I was working on the car. I'm still tweaking it. [A nearby controller catches on fire and Coop quickly puts it out] [With a nervous laugh] Like I said, I'm still tweaking it... Coop: Alright tentacle-breath. You copied my robot, hit me when I wasn't looking, threatened my town- Jamie: AND you almost ruined my date! Coop: It takes many years of intensive training to cultivate this kind of refined appetite. [Flashback of Coop eating tons of food as he grows up] Many years... [Coop is accused of being a Bad Guy by the S-Force] Coop: Who, ME? It's just an eating contest. Is it a crime to eat? Jamie: The way you do it, it should be. Ender: I am Ender. I end things. People, planets, galaxies. Ender: Now I am free to conquer and destroy! Or destroy and conquer! Or just destroy! Megas’ Dashboard: [Power levels] Low Energy - Fair Amount - Normal - Too Much! - Getting Ridiculous - Are You Kidding? Coop: What's this "OMNICRON13" thingy? Argo: No! You destabilized the wave pattern! Who knows what will happen? Don't activate it! Coop: [Immediately activates it] Coop: Listen chump. I was just doing my own thing, when some robot-riding circus freaks jumped me! And then you had to show up and start bashing my town! And for SOME reason, everyone keeps calling ME-The Bad Guy! I may not be the best guy...But I sure ain't no bad guy! Yo, S-Force! You ready? Argo: No! NO! Sloan:[cries] My robot! Coop: No way! This guy sicked a giant worm-thingy on me, chased my pals around with zombie-robots and made me break a perfectly good Photonic Stabilizer! I'm putting you in a hurt-locker and slamming the door, junkman! Coop: This alien chick thinks she can get my ride towed, make me go to the DMV and take a road-test!? I DON'T NEED NO STINKING ROAD TEST! Jamie: Eh, dude, none of that stuff is her fault. Coop: Yeah...Well she's still trying to kidnap Kiva, that ain't cool neither. Gyven: [After knocking down Zanzoar from attacking MEGAS] Following their transpacial rift was a clever idea. I appreciate you finding them for me. Coop: Hey, thanks buddy! I don't know what was up with that guy back there. Gyven: [To Coop] Surrender defiler! Or I'll tear your circuits out of the core! Zanzoar: [carrying Megas off] I WILL be emperor! Jamie: And I WILL be sick... Jamie: The Metal Maiden's a sword...The Metal Maiden's a sword?! Coop: Listen here, you walking water heater. YOU guys attacked me. Jamie: Nope, that was you. Coop: YOU screwed up my warp drive. Kiva: You did that too. Coop: AND you made me miss the Monster Truck combat of the century! Jamie: Again, all you. Coop: Do ya mind? I'm on a roll here. Right! [Pause] What was I saying? Ah, forget it! Gorrath: You are the one stain on my perfect record of conquest. Coop: Then you must have gone up against some pretty lame chumps. Megas’ Dashboard: Bet You Can't Guess What This Button Does Coop: [To Gorrath] Come on, don't stop now. What else ya got? I've got only one arm and I'm still wiping the floor with ya! I think you'll need a bigger robot if you want to play with me anymore! What? You want me to drop the other arm so it's fair? [Kiva and Jamie shake their heads and wave their hands in desperation] Gorrath: Let’s see how you like the Eradicator. [Pushes a button and the Karrajor converts into an enormous mech with Megas hovering in front of it's cannons like a grain of sand] Coop: Well... That's pretty big. Jamie: You just had to ask if he had a bigger robot, didn't you? Megas’ Dashboard: [Various buttons] DESTROY THE WORLD. SMITE THE WORLD. DESTROY THE WORLD WORSE. Save the world. [The last button is missing, wires hanging all over] [Coop has just caused the Karrajor to be sucked into Null Space, seemingly destroying it] Coop: Man, now I really need another Big Glug... and a cheesesteak... or 28. Kiva: Coop! You just destroyed the Glorft! Coop: So? What'ya think was going to happen? Coop: Now for a little payback. Me and MEGAS vs a bunch of Glorft bots that got the home field advantage...Sounds fair to me. Hey Squid! About those goodbyes. Uh, buh-bye! [Proceeds to destroy Glorft bots] Ultra Cadet: [to Jamie] Dont worry, Coop! We'll take care of this chubby thief and get your robot back! Coop: [offended] Chubby? Ladies, this is fat! Kiva: We better go find him. Leaving Jamie alone with some innocent aliens isn't a good idea. Coop: What's the worst he can do? [Imagines Jamie as the King of an alien planet, an alien presents him a fish as a gift, Jamie gets angry and presses a button labeled "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" causing the entire planet to explode] You're right we better find him. Jamie: Stop! I'm not Coop!. Ultra Cadet: What!? Jamie: [Points at Coop] He's Coop. He's the guy you wanted... Ultra Cadet: [To Coop] You're Coop? Goat: [Whispering to Coop] I'll give you five bucks if you tell them I'm your sidekick... Coop: That does it! You transforming girl-scout super freaks interrupted my quality junkyard time, kidnapped Jamie and made me miss second lunch. Oh, it's ON now! Kiva: I knew there was something more to this than some stupid fight. This is about revenge! Magnanimous: It's about more than that, red. You put me in a quantum singularity, destroyed my empire, made me broke! And gave me this twitch. [eye twitches] It's about hurting you and I wish to go on hurting you, so I am going to humiliate you LIVE. And while I'm at it, I think I might do a little destruction number on this planet of yours!...Oh wow, I guess it IS about revenge. T-Bot: T-Bot will pounce you! Trounce you! And utterly denounce you!. Coop: Alright, you chumps...You guys are trying to steal my title, you're wrecking my town and now you're making me seriously late on my video. You wanna fight-- [gets knocked down by T-bot] T-Bot: T-Bot wins no matter what! [Coop kicks T-Bot into the air] Skippy: So, who's the chick? Kiva: "Chick"? Coop: She's from the future. Skippy: [looks at Kiva] Yeah, right. Coop: Tell the kid something about the future, Kiva. Kiva: Little boys like you are used as target practice for "chicks" like me. Megas’ Dashboard: Eject Skippy Gorrath: I will return, earther! Your under-developed brain has no capacity to comprehend the horrors I have in store for you! Coop: And my under-developed brain will be waitin'. [Thinks for a second] Hey! Coop: Okay, you slimy chump. First, you come back after I kill ya, then ya try to beat up my cousin and now you think you're gonna shoot the moon into the Earth?! Well, I got your trigger right here! [accidentaly drops the trigger, which lands on Coop's lap. Coop sighs in relief, causing his belly to press the trigger, thereby activating the engine] Kiva: You fired the engine! Skippy: Should have let a responsible child hold it. Coop: [After Kiva stops him from using his nukes] What's the point of having nukes if you can't use them? R.E.C.R. : I MUST destroy the enemy! Coop: The enemy? What enemy? R.E.C.R. : The enemy...[R.E.C.R. thinks for a moment] EVERYTHING IS THE ENEMY! R.E.C.R. : I was designed to defend this land, and I will do it by destroying everyone! R.E.C.R. : There is no way you can defeat the superior power of my massive 56 kilobyte processor! Coop: I've got 10-year old video games that are smarter than you! Megas’ Dashboard: Do something stupid, Coop. Coop: That's it! You locked me up in that undeground pit, made me miss my shot at being the Gonzo Game Master and now you smash the cheapest All you can eat buffet in town? You just gambled and LOST pal! Jamie: [Sarcasticaly] Oooh, nice one. Coop: Yeah, pretty good huh? Jamie: Those, are the "Fabio Brothers!" Kiva: Let me guess, from the "Fabio Brothers" show? Coop: No, from the videogame. Coop: Alright you holiday wrecking chump! You trashed the city, busted up all them baloons and ruined my parade. You want heat? I'll give you heat! [sets the AC to maximum heat] Kiva: How did they end up getting captured? Targon: Zarek caught us by surprise. Coop: Surprise? But I thought my training left the S-Force tougher than a microwaved steak. Targon: Training? It was your very training that left them in such a weakened state! Zarek: [After Coop escapes the Infinity Zone] Impossible! No one can escape the force of the Infinity Zone! Coop: Hey, it's a good thing no one told me that. Jamie: Erm, hi! Duchess: Ugh, I forgot about you. Jamie: [Sadly] Forgot? Coop: Let's see how this guy likes Super Destructor Mode! Megas’ Dashboard: You heard him kids! Super Destructor Mode! [Megas is soon littered with hundreds of missle launchers] Kiva: Uhm, were you going to tell me you installed this? Zarek: I bring you a gift. A quick and painful end to your miserable lives. [laughs] Coop: And here's a gift for you ya pointy-eared chump. [Hundreds of missiles are fired towards Zarek] In fact, here's a whole bunch of gifts! 'Cause I'm such a nice guy. [Super Destructor Mode's missiles go off target and hit the The S-Force seemingly destroying them] Kiva: Coop! Targon: S-Force! Jamie: Duchess? Jamie: Coop how could you do that to me? I was just getting somewhere with Duchess! Duchess: No you weren't! [The S-Force is revealed to have survived the blast of Super Destructor Mode's missiles] Targon: That's Impossible! Zarek: Nothing could have survived that blast! Argo: Good thing no one told us that. [The S-Force laugh] Coop: Okay, you cape-wearing space freak! You interrupted my quality beach-time, locked up a planet-load of people and you made me nearly destroy the S-Force! Kiva: -Again! Coop: Now it's time to party, tag-team style. Let's do it, S-Force! Jamie: [To a food-replicator] Vampire cheerleader. [Machine buzzes] Regular cheerleader? [Machine buzzes again]. Hey, this thing's busted! Jamie: [To the same food-replicator] ...Solid gold. [Machine buzzes again] Goth Chicks?! [Machine buzzes again] ...A doughnut? [machine dings then makes one appear] Megas’ Dashboard: [Oil level] None - Good Enough - Plenty - More Than Enough - No, Really I'm Fine - PLEASE STOP Megas’ Dashboard: That Cool Giant Energy Sword Thing Megas’ Dashboard: Exactly the same button Coop just used like five minutes ago Captain Warlock: Sweet Kiva, I give you one last chance. Stay with me, and forget about these fools. Coop: Alright you- Kiva: -Arrogant, overblown thief! You tried to break up our team, you almost killed Coop and Jamie, and you made me listen to your endless, cheesy pick-up lines! Coop: Nice. Captain Warlock: Cheesy? Kiva: Get him, Coop! [Coop's driving MEGAS at ramming speed towards the Saving Grace] Coop: Kiva! Duck and cover! Captain Warlock: He wouldn't! Kiva: You don't know Coop. Coop: ROCK ON! [Performs a body-slam on the glorft below] Coop: Alright you octopused faced losers. You crash my concert, stop me from getting fake chese nachos AND try wipin' out this poor chick who ain't done nothing to you, just so you can make Kiva not been born and...me not get...my robot...Uh? Wait, explain it to me again? It's er-Ah forget it! Ator: Why have you done this? Coop: Done what? [camera cuts to the broken robot that suddenly explodes] Ator: Destroy our guardian! Jamie: Uh, he was like that when we got here. Kiva: Jamie, they saw us do it. Ator: Hail to our new guardian! We are saved! [Megas destroys a building] Coop: Sorry! Ator: We are doomed... Megas’ Dashboard: Big Red Button of Irony Drallag: Well, it seems this new "guardian" is nothing of the sort. He's done more damage than we have! [laughs] Coop: Listen up you dorky sounding, ice-grubing, robotic chump! You dinged my chrome, made me break my window AND snapped my favourite key! [Ator clears his throat] Oh yeah. You also tried to cut up the planet of the space big foots...You wanna eat some ice? Glad to oblige! Jamie: [screams] Ah? Wait, I'm okay? Coop: Yeah, what's goin' on? Kiva: This device must only affect a robot with an artificial intelligence operating construct. Coop: Ha ha! Ya hear that!? You can't do nothin' to us, 'cause we don't have intelligence! Klaar: Why are you interfering with my facility? Coop: I was just looking for directions! See what happens when you ask for directions? Coop: Okay chump, anything else you wanna throw at me? Klaar: Just one thing. [summons a giant satellite dish] Jamie: [scoffs] What's he gonna do? Make us watch some bad TV? [Robot prisoners are coming to attack Megas] Jamie: C'mon, Coop! What're you waiting for?! Tear 'em apart! Coop: I can't! They're not the bad guys. Jamie: So? That's never stopped you before! Smash 'em before they smash ME! Coop: Alright, you brainwashing alien creep! You try to grind us up, you enslaved a bunch of innocent robots, and now you're making me late for spicy nuggets! I got one word for you, pal! Game over! Kiva and Jamie: Two words. Coop: Whatever! [Megas' targeting computer begins zeroing in on multiple areas. Soon Skalgar's mech is targeted in just about every place conceivable] Kiva: Uh, Coop? Overkill? Jamie: Yeah! Do more! Coop: Okay you galactic bad guy wannabe! You smash up my drive in, stole my one-of-a-kind universal remote controller and made me miss "Revenge of the amoeba people." Jamie: And the final episode of "Cheerleader Wars". Coop: [Seeing a destroyed Jersey City after activating the Trans-D Drive] No. No! You maniacs! You blew it up! You blew it all to- Wait...hope I didn't do this. Gorrath: How is it possible that a remedial lifeform like you, could have stopped ME time and again? [Flashback to Coop beating aliens in various videogames] Coop: What can I say? Whooping alien freaks is a skill. Gorrath: I demand to know who's in charge here! Alternate Jamie: THAT would me. And I don't think YOU'RE in a position to demand anything. Coop: Hey you got the wrong idea! See I was kicking his butt and then we ended up in this warp thing and- Alternate Jamie: -Don't insult my intelligence! Since our war started, we've been trying to capture you. Coop: War? Us? [Flashback to Coop and Jamie competing in various activities with Coop winning every time] Come on man! We were just messing around. I'll let you win next time. Gorrath: Even in victory, you humans are pathetic. Coop: [Laughs] And getting locked up in your own ship ain't pathetic? Gorrath: We'll need some kind of diversion. Coop: Right, diversion. Urm? [accidentally presses a button on the wall setting off an alarm] Gorrath: No! [A laser beam shoots skyward and Coop punches the alarm a few times which makes it stop] Coop: Uh...[Laughs nervously] I'm sure no one heard that. [The guard point their guns at Coop and Gorrath] Yep. Yep they heard it. Gorrath: [angrily] Have I told you how much I hate you? Alternate Jamie: I'm impressed. Allowing yourself to get caught, just so you can activate a homing beacon for them to find our base. Very clever. Gorrath: Clever?! Megas’ Dashboard: Park - Neutral - Reverse - Drive - Save Jamie Coop: All right, squid. You tried to wreck the city again, you made me go to some alternate dimension where Jamie is an even bigger creep than usual, AND you got me locked up in a jail cell with no food! It's time to rumble! Gorrath: Are you talking to me? I'm on your side now, remember?! Coop: Oh, sorry. Force of habit, I guess. Coop: No one trashes Jersey City! Err... but me. Evil Coop: You should be dead! I'm gonna sweep you aside like a fat ball of dust! Coop: [scoffs] You and what army? Gorrath: No doubt that one. [points at army of mechs behind Evil Coop] Evil Kiva: Your obsolete mech is a disgrace. Coop: Does THIS look obsolete?! [Megas strikes a dramatic pose, a piece falls of] Evil Kiva: Yes, it does. Coop: The only thing I hate more than you...is me? Uh, him... [Gorrath looks unimpressed] You know what I mean! Gorrath: [looking at Coop's damaged car] Such a waste. First I'm trapped in the past, and now I'm trapped in a dimenson where YOU rule! Shoot me now... Coop: This ain't so bad. I can fix this. [Coop's car explodes] Evil Coop: Why won't you die!? Coop: Next time you abandon Megas, don't leave it in MY garage! Evil Coop: You know you don't have a chance. Coop: I don't know NOTHIN'! Coop: Listen up, you jive clone wannabe! You wrecked my alternate dimension city! Blew up my robot! And worst of all, made ME skinny! Well you're in MY dimension now! And we do things a little differently here! Wikipedia has an article about: Megas XLR Megas XLR quotes at the Internet Movie Database Megas XLR at TV.com
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