Everwood (2002–2006) was an American television show, airing on the WB network, about a widowed brain surgeon from Manhattan who moves his two children to the small mountain town of Everwood, Colorado. Ephram: We're moving where? Andy: To Everwood, Colorado. Delia: Where's that? Ephram: Colorado, moron. Wh-why, are we moving there? Andy: Someone told me about it once. They said it was the most beautiful place they had ever seen. It's on this hill. Or is it a mountain? Or maybe it's on a hill by a mountain. Anyway, I was thinking last night that we should move there. Ephram: I say that's not even a reason. Andy: I know. How great is that? We'll be moving to some place for no reason at all. Ephram: That's not great. That's crazy. That's Harrison Ford in Mosquito Coast crazy. Andy: You say crazy. I say it might be the sanest thing I've ever done. Now, I want this to be a democratic decision so we're going to put it to vote. Everyone who wants to move...and get their own horse, raise your hand. [Andy has his hand raised and at the horse comment, Delia does too.] Andy: Well, that decides it. Ephram: Democratic? You bought her vote. Andy: Yeah. That's the American version. Teen #1: Hey freak, what's with your hair, man? Did they run out of green at the store? Teen #2: Hey you, my friend here asked you a question. Where's your manners? Ephram: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't understand. You see, I don't speak dumb-ass. Since obviously you do, maybe you can translate for me. Amy: You were bold out there. Ephram: Oh, it was strategy, really. Amy: Strategy? Ephram: I find it's best when dealing with any unfamiliar bully to strike early with sarcasm. Yeah, it makes them wonder if I have some butt-kicking prowess that they're unable to detect. Amy: Wow. You have really thought this out. Ephram: Yeah, well, spend as much time in a gym locker as me, you'd have a few theories of your own. Amy: What's it like? Having a dad who's famous. Ephram: Oh. It's like this: You're eight years old. He misses your birthday party. You wanna cry about it but he's on TV that night for separating the heads of Siamese twins. You're ten. He's not there to see you in the school play. He is however in the New York Times for restoring the vision of a five-year-old kid. I think he was my dad's excuse for missing my elementary school graduation. You know you want to be mad at him. You wanna hate him. But you can't. He's saving lives. Ephram: He said you were crazy. News flash, you are. All right, you quit your job, you grow this ugly ass beard, you look like you wear your clothes to bed and you move us to No-wheres-ville U.S.A.! And why? For what reason? Because someone told you it was pretty once!? And if that's not enough, you talk to Mom like she's still here; I've seen you, and Delia has too. What do I have to say for myself?! What do you have to say for yourself?! Andy: I can't believe you think my beard is ugly. Ephram: Mom would never have done this to us! She never would've moved us here and gone crazy! Andy: Don't be so sure of that! Ephram: I am sure! All right, I knew her. You didn't know her. We all just tolerated you! Andy: Hey, that's pretty good, what else you got?! Ephram: I wish you died instead of her! Andy: Well, I wish I did too, you little bastard! Ephram: I hate you! Andy: Well, I hate you right back! Now get in that house! Ephram: I'm going for a ride! [He grabs his bike] Andy: Oh, yeah?! Ephram: Yeah! Andy: At some point you're getting in that house! Andy: [at Gino Chang's, a combination Chinese/Italian restaurant] OK, we'll have one order of the minestrone soup, two orders of the chicken parmesan, one sweet and sour pork and a couple of egg rolls to start. Ephram: I'd like to take a moment and point out that this is... hands down the weirdest restaurant we've ever been to. And we're from New York City where we're regularly served by drag queens named Frank. Delia: I think it's cool! Harold: [about Ephram] Over my dead and decaying corpse you're going to Thaw Fest with that boy! Amy: I am not going with him. I'm just meeting him there. And, since when do you care who I go to Thaw Fest with? Harold: Since you started asking future parolees to attend with you. Amy: You don't know him! This is so unfair. Harold: Well in certain parent-child conflicts, fairness is irrelevant. Amy: Why is it always the parent that always gets to decide the relevancy of fairness? Rose: An excellent question, if I do say so myself. Harold: Hello, dear. Amy: Mom, Dad is being EXCRUCIATING! Harold: Excruciating literally means to feel the pain of crucifixion. While my law may be difficult at times, I think we can both agree that Jesus had it a bit tougher. Amy: He didn't live here. Andy: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, excellent choice, Delia. Ephram: Don't let her watch it. Delia: Be quiet. Andy: Am I missing something? Ephram: Eight years of raising her. She can't watch that movie, it upsets her. Delia: It does not. Ephram: Well, that is if you don't count the screaming and nights on my floor. Andy: Delia? Delia: Well, it used to scare me, but it doesn't anymore. Ephram: Ah, that's what she always says. Like a junkie begging for more smack. Delia: I'm not a junkie, you're a junkie. Andy: Nobody's a junkie in this house. Bright: How goes it.. Bone-lick? Amy: He has to hang with us. Ephram: No offense, Amy, but he's really my least favorite thing about you. Bright: Yeah? Well, you're really my least favorite thing about you. Ephram: Dude, you've really gotta work on the insults. Ephram: So what do people do up here, besides wait for an early demise... and ask really dumb questions Amy: Actually I brought you up here to tell you something very important. Grover. Ephram: Grover? Amy: It's my nickname. I always loved Grover as a kid. I know for most kids, it's all "Winnie the Pooh" or "Hello Kitty", or occasionally, "Strawberry Shortcake" but, for me, life was about a little blue Muppet named Grover. Ephram: Well, Grover was a very underrated Muppet. Irv: [About Edna] We went steady in the 5th grade. She introduced me to hickies and shoplifting. Amy: Maybe if you weren't scowling all the time people wouldn't feel the need to disinvite you places. Ephram: You're right maybe I should take up football and cow tipping and then I could the most popular boy in the school. Delia: You should be happy you made a friend. Ephram: What's that supposed to mean? Delia: It's not easy. Everybody in my class has known each other since the nineties. Ephram: Boy, can I clear a hallway or what? Amy: That's Kayla and Paige. They're allergic to anyone who's not at the top-2 popularity percentile. Ephram: I'm only 98 percent short. Amy: My friend Kayla is having a birthday party. Wanna go? Ephram: Do you need somebody to play Happy Birthday? Amy: Come on... you'll be my guest. Ephram: I don't know... me, your friends... lit candles in the same room? Irv: [voiceover] Legend has it this bridge was constructed by a young man and women who lived on opposite sides of the river the two fell in love and constructed the bridge so they could meet in the middle and share what would be their first kiss. From that day on it would be known appropriately as the kissing bridge and if people had just stuck to the kissing Dr. Brown would have been able to avoid one heck of a crisis. Amy: My dad is going to kill me. Ephram: I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him why you went. Amy: That's not the way it works at my house. Ephram: How does it work? Amy: He yells, I apologize, there's a sentencing of some sort, and then I plea bargain with my mother until the sentence gets reduced. Ephram: In my house it's more like, I yell, he yells, we both keep yelling, and eventually someone gets tired. Harold: Did I mention I had only three hours of sleep last night? Edna: About a hundred times now. I swear, you yammer on like an old woman. Besides, we're almost there. Harold: Almost where? We're in the middle of forest oblivion. If I didn't know you better mother, I'd think you brought me out here to knock me off. On second thought... Ephram: What? What is it? Are you moving us to Zimbabwe or something? What? Andy: No no no, it's nothing like that, I'm just thinking about something. It's funny actually. Well it's not so much funny 'ha ha' is... you see... the thing is, I don't know whether or not you've ever had sex. Ephram: And you never will. Andy: OK then. Good talking to you. Andy: Look, Ephram, I think you're being just a little bit melodramatic, it's not like I'm trying to ruin your life. Ephram: You don't have to try, you do it pretty naturally. Andy: What is that out front? Ephram: Doe, a deer. A female deer. Delia: My mom used to talk to God in a Synagogue. Maybe we could go to one? Edna: The nearest Synagogue's two hours away. Maybe we could talk to God someplace local. How about the video store? We can rent The Chosen. Ephram: I'm pretty sure the trail follows the creek, but check the map. Andy: No, left. Ephram: Sure? Andy: I used to navigate people's frontal lobes Ephram, I think I can follow directions. Ephram: [to Amy] I haven't made anything for myself here... except you. Ephram: I can't remember the last time someone said no when the great Doctor Brown offered his help, Colin's surgery a done deal. Amy: Doctor Brown is one of the premier brain surgeons in the United States, patients fly halfway around the world for a consultation and we have him--right here and he wants to help us. Mrs. Hart: No. No he doesn't. We agreed that Colin should have the surgery and it was Doctor Brown who changed his mind. Edna: [to Dr. Abbott] If you wanna see [Dr. Brown], I gotta have a reason. You could be the Unabomber for all I know. Ephram: [to Dr. Brown] Because the guy I know would give his left nut to rescue a kid in a coma. You know, be the town hero. Harold: [to Dr. Brown] You owe it to this kid to perform whatever miracle you've got up your sleeve. You owe it to Colin, and to his parents, and to my brokenhearted daughter, and to the universe or whoever decided that you would be Leonardo, and I would be... less remarkable. Hell, you owe it to me. Andy: Clue doesn't come in travel size? Ephram: One of the world's greater atrocities. Bright: You know, there's a reason men don't wear ruffles. Colin: It's not that bad. If this were 1775, you'd be a total chick magnet. Ephram: So, what's he like? Colin. Nina: He's a charmer. You know, he's the kind of kid who forgets to mow your lawn for two weeks, then when he finally comes, you end up paying him for three. I think he was All State football. And pretty smart, too. Ephram: So he's basically like God. Mole: Nice truck, Hart. Too bad it's your Daddy's. Colin: Whatever, McNally. Like I can't drive this whenever I want. Mole: I'm sure you can. Colin: Besides your brother there is still the kid who threw up on the DMV guy during his driving test. Amy: Ephram, what are you doing here? Ephram: I wanted a Twix. Amy: You came a long way. Ephram: Well, there's two in a pack, and I only wanted one. I needed someone to share with. Amy: I just wanted to touch base with normal for a bit. Ephram: You definitely called the wrong person then. Harold: I am sorry. For being such a jerk about the dance class. Rose: No you're not. You just don't want me mad at you any longer because it's uncomfortable for you. Harold: I'm scared. I don't want to change. I don't want you to change. I like things the way they are. Rose: Everyone changes; we can change together. Harold: That's not always the case. Look at the Keys. She went one way, he went another; now where's either one of them? Rose: We are not the Keys, Harold. Harold: Well I'm sure even the Keys didn't think they were the Keys until they... were. Harold: What respectable practitioner has 15 free hours on his hands? Andy: Me. Harold: I said respectable practitioner. Ephram: If he suddenly wakes up tomorrow, are you and I gonna become total strangers? Amy: Strangers? Ephram, I've shared more with you in the past few months, than I have with anybody in my whole life. Andy: You know, when your mother died, a thousand people said a thousand stupid things to me and I just wanted one of them to give me a reason not to die. Andy: Do me a favor, you know how you normally behave? Ephram: Distant and miserable? Andy: Yeah. Do the opposite. Andy: You don't know my father-in-law. Not only is he one of New York's premiere transplant surgeons...he's also the best dad who ever lived. He somehow managed to perform over 150 liver transplants a year and never missed a single birthday. Oh, and did I mention my children worship him? Edna: He also walks on water? Andy: Oh, jogs on it. Does push-ups on it...One handed push-ups. Delia: This is the diner. We eat here a lot. Ruth: What do you mean, a lot? Doesn't your father cook a meal every once in a while? Edna: Only if he's feeling cruel. Andy: Are you drunk? Ephram: Not enough, but hey...we can fix that. Toss me a Heineken! Andy: You think this is funny? It's bad enough that you're drunk, and don't think we're not gonna talk about that, but you had to pick this weekend to become a teenager? You haven't been to a party since we've been here and now, all of a sudden, you're getting plastered and arrested? If you wanted to embarrass me in front of your grandparents, you're doing one hell of a job. Ephram: Oh, right...I forgot. this is all about you. I got myself arrested, just to make you feel bad about yourself. Andy: That's not what I meant, and you know it. Ephram: [Sarcastically] Hey, look at me...I'm super dad. Let's fish and make waffles. I've got news for you, they're not buying it. But don't worry...If you promise to raise my allowance, I'll promise to give you a hug...right in front of Grandpa. Jacob: Getting what you want is easy. Knowing what you want -- that's the challenge. Irv: [voiceover] No matter how old you are, it's hard not to get excited when snow starts to fall. Because, so long as it keeps coming, no one can make you go anywhere or do anything. All life's rules are suspended...The best thing about snow, other than snowballs, is that it has an equalizing effect. Snow can take any object or situation and make it pretty just the same. Couldn't care less what's underneath...It's not just that snow makes the world pretty. Snow gives us all a second chance. Snow cleanses. Hiding the sins of all with no prejudices, favor or blame. Everything gets to be pure again. If only for a little while. Which might be all you need. Ephram: Like it or not, you tend to have an effect on my moods. Amy: I've seen your moods. That's a lot of pressure. ... Ephram: [To Amy] It's nothing you do on purpose, but... it's like when you're nice to me, there's nothing I can't do. And when you're mad at me, it's all I can think about, you know? Then you say things like: 'maybe you should move on' and it sticks with me for a little while, you know? You're in my head. Andy: You had a phone call from New York. You know someone named Skuz? Ephram: He was only over at our house every day. Andy: Well, Rachel Laquer is having a mondo roof top party before winter term. And let me see if I got this right: 'she's totally hot for you're ass'. Amy: I got in a fight with Colin, and he ended up in a coma. I bitched at Bright, and his appendix ruptured. I sort of needlessly bit your head off the other day and haven't apologized yet and I don't want you to end up in the hospital before you go. Call me superstitious, but... Ephram: You have got to be without a doubt the strangest girl I have ever met. Ephram: Remember last week it was really cold. You tried on some of your old sweaters. Delia: I got too big for them. Ephram: Yeah. Delia: I couldn't move my arms. Ephram: That's kind of how I feel about Everwood. Make sense? Delia: I think so, except you're not too big; you fit here. Bright: [about Dr. Abbott being nice to everyone] Mom what's dad doing? Rose: He's having a mid-life crisis dear. Harold: Mother, I want to ask you and Irv if you would do me the honor of joining us for a Thanksgiving meal? Edna: Come again? Harold: It would mean the world to Rose and the kids and of course, myself. Edna: Is this one of those hidden camera shows? Edna: [about Harold] Well, I guess it finally fell out. Irv: What? Edna: That stick up his ass. Ephram: You're going to have to stop doing that, you know. Amy: What? Ephram: Saying stuff that makes me want to kiss you. Amy: You too. [they kiss] Nina: I hear you're working narcotics, Detective Friday. Andy: You know, the speed at which news travels around here defies the space-time continuum. Nina: Well, I'm friends with Irma's daughter, Lily, and she is freaking out. Andy: Well, I would be too if I found out my mother was growing more weed than Cheech and Chong combined. Ephram: [seeing Andy standing in his bedroom doorway] Why are you doing that lingering thing you do? Andy: Well, I don't want to force a conversation. Ephram: That'd be a first. Andy: You know, you may need to be there for Amy. Ephram: Well, Amy and I aren't exactly talking much. Andy: Really? Ephram: A while ago. Andy: How'd I miss that? Ephram: You were busy being clueless. Andy: That's my job. So what happened? Did you two kiss or something? [Ephram gives him a startled look] I'm not that clueless. Ephram: I don't know what happened. One day she's kissing me, then I make the mistake in giving her this stupid mix CD and now its like I'm the Okumo and she's Shiva the Destroyer. [Andy looks at him, puzzled] Manga reference. Nina: [about her son] How was he? Andy: Well, I'd say he was a little angel, but there were too many witnesses. Nina: Oh boy! Andy: Well, I learned how to make a cape, how to unclog a toilet and how to remove a chewy cookie from a VCR. Amy: How come you're so smart? Ephram: I'm not, believe me. If I was, I'd be wearing a warmer jacket right now... and I wouldn't be telling you to go back to your boyfriend. Bright: I've always been fond of you. I'm just, you know...shy. Ephram: Name one thing you like about me. Bright: One thing, how ‘bout a thousand. You're sensitive. You're extremely clean... Colin: Bright told me about you. Ephram: Look, I don't know what Bright told you but he's running on empty as far as brain cells are concerned. Andy: [about Colin] You two friends now? Ephram: Kind of. It turns out we have some things in common. Andy: You mean Amy? Ephram: Surprisingly, it has nothing to do with Amy. Andy: So, why aren't you sitting with him? Ephram: Because of Amy. Amy: What's going on between you and Colin. I mean...why are you being all buddy-buddy with him? Ephram: I'm not being buddy-buddy with anyone, alright. He approached me. Amy: He did!. . .I mean, he did? Why? Ephram: I don't know. Maybe he thinks I'm pretty. Wendell: Dude, what are you doing? The popular table beckons. Ephram: So? Wendell: So? You can't say no. That's like saying no to free comics. Or saying no to making out with Gwyneth Paltrow. Such things just aren't done. Andy: When will you be home? Ephram: Usual time. Unless the schoolyard pusher has some good stuff. Ephram: Why can't you go look for him? Bright: Because I'm on the team. Ephram: Is that what they call this wooden plank? Bright: Look just go find him, nutsack. Harold: Carl used to be Everwood's version of Tom Cruise. I suppose that appeals to a certain woman, you know the type. Rugged...athletic...young. Andy: Why don't you ask him out, Harold? Andy: [At the basketball game] Why is the Abbott kid waving at you? Ephram: I don't know. Probably needs help counting the points. Andy: Are you dilated yet? Rev. Keyes: I'm not sure, but everything has a rainbow halo around it. You look like Jesus. Andy: I get that a lot. Gemma: I like hanging out with your brother. He doesn't have a lot of facial hair so I can kiss him for a long time without breaking out. Amy: Yeah I saw. Bright: [about the ski trip] I gotta go! It's...it's a church thing...to cleanse my soul. Harold: Oh please! I delivered a baby that was the product of last year's bacchanal. It's just an excuse for your friends to drink and exchange hickeys. It does more damage to the Catholic church's reputation than the crusades. Amy: I didn't know you were going on the ski trip. Bright: Well Gemma's goin'. And I go where the booty goes [Imitates whip cracking] Amy: Later in my life, when I am in therapy you'll be able to take most of the credit. Colin: Where do you think Bright and Gemma are? Amy: Probably groping each other somewhere on a gondola. Andy: [in a letter to Julia] Dear Valentine, come away with me. If I had a day with you and you only, I would enjoy the simple things. The things that, in the end, when time steals the rest away, are the only things we'll remember. I would paddle you across a still lake in a rowboat and read poetry to you until you fall asleep and I would never think about the hours. Dear Valentine, if I had one day with you and you only... I would admire every line of your face, every strand of your hair... Every graceful movement of your hands or your eyes or your body. If I had one perfect day... Don't you see? My heart beats only for you. Dear Valentine, these are the things I remember of my love. A warm hand, a warm breath. Your warm mouth. Your arms around mine... I remember feeling safe, cease-less. Like one person. The two of us still, at rest, entwined... I remember how I felt the first time I kissed you. It felt like the high dive. What do you remember? How will I ever know what was inside your heart? Where did they go? All the things we think and feel but don't say. Dear Valentine... These are the things I never told you. These are the things I need you to know. That I loved you always. And my love was so big, it lives still after you're gone. I'd like to tell you that I would do it differently. That if I had one more day I would do everything right. But I know that isn't true. I'd make all the same mistakes. That is except one. I wouldn't say goodbye. Laynie: Okay, I challenge you. To an "I Hate Everwood" contest. I'll go first. I hate the fact that the egg rolls at Gino Chang's smell like lasagna. Ephram: I hate that everything here is a 'fest'. Thaw Fest, Fly Fest, Pie Fest. What does that all mean? And what's so festive about catching some fish or watching some guy melt? Laynie: I hate that they call it 'Main' Street. It's the only street in town. They should just call it 'Street'. Ephram: Do you have a subway map of another city covering one wall of your room? Laynie: Do you choose colleges based on how far they are from here? Ephram: Have you ever had a dream that you were trapped underground in a sewer full of mice and woke up disappointed to discover that you were still in Everwood? Laynie: Do you have a packed bag and a plane ticket in your room? Ephram: C'mon. Laynie: If you don't believe me I'll show it to you. Ephram: No, I believe you. I still have the bag packed...I just haven't bought the ticket yet. Amy: Ephram? What are you doing here. Laynie: I found him after school at the post office hanging around the outbound mail box. I think someone was trying to return him. Ephram: I wish. Amy: Laynie's cool, isn't she? Ephram: Huh? Amy: Laynie. The two of you looked like you were getting along the other day. That's... that's so great. Ephram: Well, I'm glad you approve. Why are you so interested in me and Laynie anyway? Amy: I don't know. She's my friend... you're my friend. Ephram: Well, we did receive mail together. To which I went back to her place where I believe we shared a beverage or two. At which point I obviously felt it was time to ask for her hand in marriage. Amy: What is it you like about him? Laynie: He's that guy that you'd want to hang out with even if you weren't dating him, and he's cute in that kinda way that's sorta like... you know in the movies that guy you want the girl to end up with that everybody pretends isn't cute, but really is. Laynie: Nightmare, isn't it? Ephram: What's going on, except my exact version of 'hell on earth'? Laynie: Spoils of war. The result of a commercially financed assault against the unattached individual. Ephram: Valentine's Day? Laynie: Week after is always the hardest. These newbie couples have the lifespan of a monarch butterfly. By Friday, the halls will be littered with their crispy corpses. Laynie: Okay, number one... how'd you get us in here. Two, how did you find this place. And three... how'd you get us in here? Ephram: I have connections. Laynie: Mob ties? Ephram: I'm all kinds of dangerous. Laynie: I don't know how to break this to you... Ephram: You're married? Laynie: No. Ephram: You're leaving the country? Laynie: "Stop! Ephram: You're marrying Bright, then leaving the country? Matt: So, where's this date taking place? Ephram: I don't know. I'm still working on it. Matt: Okay, not a problem. So what are your options? Ephram: I live in Everwood. Its either the $1.50 movie theater or the $3.00 movie theater, both of which are currently playing Lilo and Stitch. Matt: Ever hear of Ezekiel's? Ephram: No, but it sounds religious which doesn't exactly spell out 'action' in my mind. Laynie: You looked so uncomfortable the other day. Like I embarrassed you or something. Ephram: Look, I'm gonna mess up because that's just what I do. But at least give me a chance to mess up. I mean, I'm capable of such stupidity that you'd be wasting my talent by ending this now. [flashback] Ephram: [about Dr. Brown] Why don't you just leave him? We don't need him, he-he doesn't do anything. We could move away from here. I could help take care of Delia. Julia: We do need him. I need him, Ephram. I know you don't understand but I love your father very much. I couldn't imagine my life without him. And I'm telling you, this family wouldn't work without him. Harold: I was worried about your friend. Amy: My boyfriend! Boy-friend!! God, I can't believe I didn't see this sooner! It's so obvious what you're doing. Harold: Wh-what are you talking about? Amy: Oh please, you're trying to keep Colin and me apart. You're not worried about Colin's health. The only thing you're worried about is that I might be growing up too fast and you don't like it. Well, that's just too damn bad! Isn't it? Harold: It's an impossible predicament. I mean, they don't want us to treat them like children but then when you try to talk to them like an adult, they act like... Andy: Teenagers. Harold: My child won't talk to me anymore. Apparently, I've broken a sacred trust by simply voicing an honest concern. Andy: If it makes you feel any better, Ephram's not talking to me right now, either. Harold: Big deal. He never talks to you. You're used to it. Ephram: You know, I've been angry at you. I've been hating you for a long time now. And I was wrong. You never deserved to be treated that way. Sorry. Andy: You know you don't need to apologize, Ephram. I failed you as a father for 15 years. I was never there for you or your mother. That's why sometimes you feel like throwing me off a cliff and that's why your mother did what she did. And I don't blame either of you for it. Irv: [voiceover] Forget for a minute what the real world looks like, forget what you know, sometimes you need to believe in what isn't exactly there. A daydream of better nights. A storybook fantasy where life is ordered and consistent and tales get awfully exciting before they wrap up nicely for all involved. Who are we to enforce reality? After all, you never know when the good angel of fortune might bring a page from your book to life and throw a kind of miracle your way. PE teacher: Late again, Brown. Ephram: I got stuck in lab. Still working on my study of why playing sports makes you call people by their last name. Delia: You have to stop following me around, Arnie. Arnie: I can't. I decided. You're my girlfriend. Delia: I am not. Arnie: I decided. Delia: Do I have to do anything? [Arnie shakes his head no] Okay, but only if you do everything I tell you. Andy: Some magazine is sending a guy to interview me. Harold: I wouldn't get too excited. It's hardly rare for some local birdcage liner to want to fill the space between the Friday crossword and the tuna frittata recipe with whatever profile they can muster. So what rag is selling ad space on your dime? Andy: New York Magazine. Ephram: [to Amy] Let me guess: Colin told you I might try to tell you that he was still sick so you'd doubt him? [Amy nods] Everyone thinks I'm a lot dumber than I am. Why is that? Do I dress dumb? Irv: [voiceover] Throughout the centuries mankind has been fascinated by the nighttime sky, ancient people believed that the heavens were moved by a pantheon of gods while others thought that the stars were diamonds hanging just out of reach with all the advances of technology of late, modern science offers more opportunities than ever to unravel the mysteries of the night sky. And yet it seems the closer we get to the stars, the less we actually understand them. Edna: [to Amy] I'm not trying to choose your boyfriends Amy. I'm just trying to keep you from losing too much of yourself while you figure it all out... There's a very fine line between devotion and obsession. Kate: Oh, you think I'm naïve. Ephram: If you can't figure out why 28 year-old guys date high school girls, I can't help you. Bright: How do you know all this stuff, Miss Honors Science? Amy: God had to do something with the other half of your brain. Mr. Dowd: [to Andy] We're just like normal folks. Just got more chainsaws, that's all. Amy: Is this seat taken? Ephram: I'm afraid you can't sit here. This is a very exclusive outcast table. You have to have a special pass. Amy: I think I have one. Ephram: Well, there have been a lot of fakes going around. Who gave you yours? Amy: Colin Hart. Ephram: Ah, you're probably okay then. Amy: I've chosen you over Ephram about a thousand times, Colin. I've chosen you over everyone else. Already there are all of these people in my life that I care about that I've just treated badly or stepped all over because all I cared about was you. But, they stuck by me. Ephram stuck by me. He sent me back to you when I was discouraged about us, about you never remembering me or caring. He told me to keep going. You're right Colin. I was wrong to be mad at you. It's me I should be mad at for not being a better friend to Ephram because he hasn't just been a good friend to me. He's been a good friend to us. Edna: Oh, it seems to be the way things always go in this community. Men make the mess and the women clean it up. Bright: Ephram, hey. You know the Spring Formal coming up? Ephram: It's kinda hard to miss. Bright: Do you wanna go? Ephram: With you? Kate: I always thought I was old for my age. I don't want to be this old. Irv: [voiceover] They say that patience is a virtue, that good things come to those who wait. Of course, they also say, he who hesitates is lost. Unfortunately sometimes what looks like patience on the outside is really fear underneath like so much sheep's clothing wrapped around a very clever wolf. Nina: [on the phone] Hello... hello. Stop calling here. Look, I know who this is and don't ever call him again. He told me all about you. What you had is over. He's home with his family, with his son, with me. He loves me. Man's voice: I'm sorry. Tell him I'm sorry. Colin: I can't ask you to stay with me, Amy. Not again. You've been through this before, and I know how much it hurt you. I don't even know what's gonna happen now. I'm not getting better, Amy, and I might get worse. You don't want to deal with that again. Amy: How do you know what I want? Colin: Look, I know you wouldn't leave, if I asked you to stay. You're too good of a person. Amy: Are you kidding me? Colin, I didn't go to that hospital every day because I thought you missed me. I went because I missed you. Harold: I could talk to him, if you'd like. Dr. Brown. I wouldn't enjoy it, mind you, but I could do that for you, if you'd like. Amy: I wish I would have told someone when I knew he was getting this sick. I never should have pretended that I didn't see it. I don't know why I did that. Andy: My dad used to say there's a thin line between fishing and sitting in a boat getting drunk. Irv: It's a fine line to straddle. Irv: [voiceover] I wasn't there the day Colin Hart's life changed forever, but you could feel the earth shake a little from quite a ways off... at the end of it, the young boy and all who loved him would never be the same. In an opposite corner of the world another man's tragedy kept time with Colin Hart's... Andy Brown did what any man would do who felt he had lost everything, he disappeared. He fell apart, lost his center, lost his way... the girl took her chance when she saw it. She begged the doctor's son to help her in her cause, and he did because he loved her and could refuse her nothing. And so it came to pass that one man's tragedy and one boy's loss met... and the boy was saved, and the man was saved, at least for a time... although Colin had cheated death, a little death had crept inside. He was not whole. He was not himself. His own changed face frightened him. He pushed those he cared for far away. The good doctor believed that this boy could still be saved, and that he was the one who could save him, but the boy hadn't decided if life was worth dying for. The choice was all his own... Colin: What can you promise me? Andy: Nothing. Colin: Okay, I'm in. Irv: [voiceover] This is the story of Colin Hart and Andy Brown. It's the story of a town that lost its center and strove to regain it. This is the story of Everwood. Andy: Do you remember that girl in the dean's office I was trying to sweet talk into getting me out of Douglas's rotation? Well on our first date she gets in my car and she makes a face like she just sat on a cat. Then she drags me here, puts in me in her Volvo, points to the stick shift and says, 'No self-respecting surgeon should be allowed to drive an automatic.' It was around then I decided I wanted a second date. Ephram: Didn't Mom drive a Volvo? Harold: Is this Colin's idea of pre-operatative preparation? Corrupting other youths into committing vandalism? Amy: Uhm, I don't know what you just said...but we're not going to graffiti anything. Colin: I know you think it's your fault. Bright: Well, that's like, cause it is. Colin: Listen... the thing is. Ya know, I remember the inflatable swimming pool you had in your front lawn. Ya know, and the frog that we got from the pet store and we killed because we thought he'd like the washing machine. Bright: Sparky. Colin: And the first time I slept over at your house... You're it man. Whatever it was that happened that night. It's all good between us. Amy: I thought you'd be in New York already. Ephram: I think I'm gonna skip New York this year. I mean, it's the worst time to go anyway. Amy: Really? Ephram: Yeah, it's super humid. Maybe for Christmas. Amy: Yea, it'd probably be nice to be home for the holidays. Ephram: Yea, maybe, but... Amy: But what? Ephram: I am home. Irv: [voiceover] It's hard to say what happened exactly. For the most part it depends on who you ask. There are as many sides to a story as there are pairs of eyes. It's always been that way; one of those sides must be closer to the truth, but we'll never know which one. I try even now to look back at that time, look past the blame and outrage that made it all so hard to see anything. I try to piece it together; what follows is all I know. Amy: I should've called you Laynie. Laynie: It wasn't your decision. Amy: No, you, you should've been there. Laynie: Some days I'm really mad about it. Sometimes, you know, I'm glad I wasn't there. I got a whole extra day to feel normal again. Irv: [voiceover] The funeral for Colin Hart fell on the first warm day of spring. For many who attended, it was the most difficult day they had ever known. But the day was kind enough to pass. I'd like to say it took a while for Everwood to return to business as usual, but it didn't. Bright and Amy went back to their usual summer jobs; Ephram joined them, though his duties were a little less glamorous. Amy: [about Dr. Brown] I wish he wasn't your father, Ephram. I wish I didn't have to think of him every time I talked to you. Irv: [voiceover] Sometimes it is only with the ending of a season that a storyteller can find the most appropriate ending to his tale. As the last hours of summer crept up on Everwood, it seemed everybody was just about ready for a change. A fresh start, filled with new adventures and new friends, and some old ones, and those somewhere in between. For if death reminds us of anything, it reminds us of just how resilient the human spirit is... when it wants to be. [edit] Bright: Who is that? Page: Stacy Wilson. It's kinda hard to tell since... Laynie: Since the hooter fairy paid her a visit. Amy: Too bad you only recognize her now that she's stacked. Bright: It's not my fault I'm shallow. It's how God made me. Blame him. Delia: Dad, can I wear this shirt? Andy: Sure. Why not? Delia: I can't remember if I wore it yesterday. Andy: I don't think it matters in fourth grade, honey. Ephram: I guess that's the one advantage of having a father who has no idea what's going on. He's too clueless to become one of the pod-parents. Andy: Ephram! Hey Ephram! Come on down -- Duke's giving away frisbees. Ephram: Oh God. He's become one of them. Amy: Welcome. Harold: Ask any parent and they'll tell you their child is incredibly brilliant. One in a million of those parents might be right. Just try telling that to the other couple hundred thousand. Andy: [After his cellphone rings to the I Dream of Jeanie theme] You know, that ring takes all the authority out of what you just said. Ephram: What do you want? Bright: Nothing, just to enjoy your company. You want my pudding? Ephram: Alright, what's the favor Bright? Bright: What are you talking about, what favor? Ok, it's about Amy. Ephram: No. Bright: You don't even know what I was going to ask. Ephram: It doesn't matter, the answer's no. Bright: Why? Ephram: Because whatever is going on with your sister is your business, not mine. Whenever I try to make it my business, she gets mad. Bright: Keep an eye on her. Not all the time. Just... when you're not busy being a loner geek with weird t-shirts. Ephram: You want me to stalk your sister? Bright: You already do. Bright: [To Ephram] So you know what I was thinking... If there's all these college guys who are like totally hitting on high school girls, then there's probably a whole surplus of neglected college girls who want to hit on high school guys. Andy: That was fatherly advice, wasn't it? Ephram: Not bad. Andy: See, I really am getting better. Ephram: Hey, Dad. One more thing... can I go to a frat party tonight? Andy: A frat party? Ephram: Yes, there's going to be drinking, drugs, unprotected sex. I'll probably be the youngest person there. Besides, I don't want to go. I have to. Andy: Why? Ephram: Because you just said that if I know something, I have to do something about it. Andy: And so having said that, I'm all but forced to let you go to a party I never would have agreed to prior. Maybe you're getting better at this. Irv: This thing you're doing with the stove. Edna: I'm cooking for my children. Get over yourself. Irv: But you don't cook. You don't even reheat. Madison: Oh cool, my brother reads comic books too. Ephram: Oh, actually they're not comic books. It's Manga. Madison: Anyway, he collects the dolls and all that stuff. Spiderman, The Hulk, he loves Samson Storm from X-men. He's 12, it's really cute. Do you have any? Ephram: No, no dolls. Delia: Yes you do, you have that guy with the red hair that you won't let me play with. Ephram: That's not a doll, Delia. That's a collectible. Nina: [about Madison] Who was that? Ephram: Oh you mean Satan? That's Delia's new babysitter. I basically hate her. Andy: I think I am a pretty good judge of people. Ephram: Yeah? Like that maid you hired back in Manhattan that stole all the silverware? Madison: Your dad says you have something to say to me. Ephram: I apologize... Madison. Madison: Wow, thank you Ephram. That was very manly, have a carrot stick. [puts carrot stick in his mouth] Ephram: [reading his essay] The more things change, the more they stay the same. I'm not sure who the first person was who said that. Probably Shakespeare. Or maybe Sting. But at the moment, it's the sentence that best explains my tragic flaw: my inability to change. I don't think I'm alone in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible, standing perfectly still... it feels safer somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar. Because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected... who knows what other pain might be out there, waiting for you. Chances are it could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo. Choose the road already traveled and it doesn't seem that bad. Not as far as flaws go. You're not a drug addict. You're not killing anyone... except maybe yourself a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake or an explosion, where all of a sudden we're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that. The kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they looked at us really close. Which, thank God, they never do. But you notice it. Inside you that change feels like a world of difference. And you hope this is it. This is the person you get to be forever... that you'll never have to change again. Irv: [voiceover] They say that from the instant he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whomever she grows up to be, she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes, or the secrets she keeps. Ephram: [To Delia] I still think picking a hero is overrated. You pick one, you admire them, a week later, they've been arrested. Ephram: So I hear you stick people with needles. Sounds like fun. Linda: It can be, especially when they're annoying. Ephram: Oh, so you must really like working with my dad. Andy: You were right, I was wrong. Linda: It must have caused you some physical pain for you to utter that sentence. Andy: Just some internal bleeding. Delia: My hero was born on April 29, 1958, in Wilton, Connecticut. She wore pearl earrings almost every day and wouldn't take them off, even in the shower. She was tall and beautiful and funny and her name was Julia Brown. A year and a half ago, she died, but before that happened, she did a lot of amazing things. I'd like to tell you about some of them today. Reverend Keyes: God isn't meant to be understood intellectually. Sometimes he's absent on purpose. He wants us to doubt, it makes us stronger. It opens other doors. And as for tragedy, I'm not dieing you know. I've experienced more with my senses in these past 18 months than I have in my entire life. I can feel Katherine. I can touch her. I can smell her and I can hear every tiny wonderful sound she makes and I love her just the same. Maybe more. Ephram: Ya know, I don't know why they call it a driving test. All they really care about is parking. Madison: Well I wouldn't worry about it. Lots of guys ride their bikes to junior prom. Maybe your date can sit on the handlebars. Amy: Well I went out with Ephram but it got kinda weird. Bright: You guys finally hooked up? Amy: What?! No. Why would you say something like that? Bright: I dunno. Maybe because he's mad in love with you and has been for over the past year. Bright: Guys have pride. And he's not gonna sit around playing mind-games with you forever. Soon he's gonna get tired of that, and he's gonna move on. Amy: I'm just not ready for all the boyfriend-girlfriend stuff and I know with Ephram there'd be no in between. Bright: Maybe not, but you could do a lot worse. People
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