Norbit is a 2007 slapstick romantic comedy film, directed by Brian Robbins and starring its co-writer, Eddie Murphy, in three leading roles. Reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The film was nominated for 8 Golden Raspberry Awards including Worst Picture, and won 3 awards all for Eddie Murphy as 3 different characters: Norbit, Mr. Wong, and Rasputia. Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake? (taglines) I didn't touch your seat. No, that's just my... my wife. No, the one, suckin' the jelly outta them doughnuts. Rasputia, I know we're a little nervous because we've never done this before, but we can take our time, darling. In sweet time. Yes. [Rasputia leans into the doorway wearing lingerie] AAAHHH!!! AAAHHH!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed in the process] OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! HALT!!!!!! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit, breaking their bed once again] 187, officer down! Happy president's day! [Rasputia runs and jumps on Norbit and we see the bed is propped up with cinderblocks. Rasputia and Norbit both bounce up off the bed and come down again] God bless America! Wow, that was some nice show, Norbit. [After seeing Rasputia] Oh, yeah! She's pretty! I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice. I just don't trust you anymore. Norbit, what are you doing?! "What?! No! Don't be silly. You're married, you're here... Norbit, where you go?! Why you run off like little bitch? [After cutting the head of a duck, that Norbit had, and throws its head to Norbit] Here. Play with that. "Whale, ho!" It just like old times. Maybe you two should go take poop together. "Bingo! Right in the blowhole! Damn it, Norbit! How many times I gotta tell you, don't be messin' with my car seat?! Bitch! That's MY wine cooler! [repeated line] How YOU doin'! [Norbit singing "Tuesday" in the shower] Say Tuesday again, and you ain't gonna see Wednesday! I'ma show you how a bitch go down a slide! It's your birthday?! Oh you think it's your birthday, huh? That's what your stupid black ass get! KATE, BITCH!! Norbit: But I never lost hope. I knew that someday I'd find another somebody to share my life with. All I had to do was just be patient. [the two twin bullies smash his sandcastle] 9-Year-Old Norbit: What did you do that for? One of the Bullies: 'Cause we felt like it. Both Bullies: What are you gonna do about it? [The bullies pick on Norbit, by one of them simply shaking him on his side and the other beating him up. Suddenly, a 10-year-old Rasputia comes over and lifts the bullies up by the shirts] 10-Year-Old Rasputia: [to the bullies] Leave him alone. Both Bullies: Says who? [Rasputia knocks the bullies' heads together and throws them off sideways] 9-Year-Old Norbit: Who are you? 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Rasputia. 9-Year-Old Norbit: Norbit. 10-Year-Old Rasputia: "Norbit"? That's a stupid name. 9-Year-Old Norbit: Why'd you beat those boys up? 10-Year-Old Rasputia: To protect you. You got a girlfriend, Nesbitt? 9-Year-Old Norbit: Uh, Norbit. No... 10-Year-Old Rasputia: Well, you do now. Get your ass up and hold my hand. 9-Year-Old Norbit: Okay. [the source of Rasputia's catchphrase] How you doing? Rasputia: [After seeing Norbit, trying to get out of the house] NORBIT!! Norbit: Oh! Good Morning, Rasputia! Good Morning! How are you this morning? Rasputia: Where the hell YOU going?! Norbit: Oh... ummmm. Nowhere special. I was just going to Raging Waters. Rasputia: Raging Waters? Norbit: Rasputia, we took vows. I'm your husband. RASPUTIA!! WE TOOK VOWS, AND YOU CHEATED ON ME!! Rasputia: IT NEVER HAPPENED!! Norbit: YES IT DID!! [Rasputia stops and gasps] AND THAT MAKES YOU... THE QUEEN OF WHORES!!! Rasputia: Aagh!! [Rasputia suddenly turns back and runs towards Norbit] Norbit: [singing in the shower] Tuesday! Tuesday! Tuesday! Rasputia: If say Tuesday again, you ain't won't see Wednesday. Kate: I'm so sorry, Mrs. Rice. Rasputia: "Mrs. Rice?!" My name ain't no damn Mrs. Rice! Kate: Well, I just though that you were married to Norbit... Rasputia: Who the hell are you? Norbit: Ummm... Kate, I want you to meet my wife. This is Rasputia Latimore and Rasputia, this is Kate. Kate: Nice to meet you! Rasputia: Hello. Norbit: Kate's an old friend of mine from the orphanage. Kate: Latimore... as in "Latimore Construction?" Rasputia: Yeah, that's right. As in "Latimore Construction." That's right. Why? Kate: Well, this is perfect. Because I came to see you guys about a renovation... of- Mr. Wong: WHALE, HO!! Rasputia: Did somebody just call me a whale? Mr. Wong: Yeah! And a ho! Norbit: Ohh... Lloyd, what am I gonna do...? Lloyd the Dog: Kill the bitch! Norbit: Excuse me? What'd you say? Lloyd the Dog: You heard me. Rub 'er out. Take 'er down. Ice the bitch! Norbit: Hey. Lloyd, you're talkin'. Lloyd the Dog: She took my legs, Norbit. She took my legs! You know what it's like bein' a dog with no legs?! I can't raise one up to pee. And I can't even hump no more, Norbit! Humpin' was my THING! Rasputia: What is this, Norbit? [Norbit gets up] Norbit: Some kinda... weird, satanic, potato art? Rasputia: Mm-mm. [Rasputia takes out a container of acid] Rasputia: What's this? Norbit: Looks like the acid, we used down at the quarry. Rasputia: [stomps foot] RIGHT! But this is Miss Pretty Little Thang's little face. And Norbit, if you ever see her again, if you ever *talk* to 'er again, if you ever to so much as to think about the girl again, this is what's gonna happen to 'er. [Rasputia pours the acid on the potato art of Kate] Rasputia: How YOU doin'! You get the picture, Norbit? [Scared, Norbit nods his head] Norbit: Psst! Psst! Psst! Hey! Hey! Over here! [Kate walks over to Norbit] Kate: I need to talk to you. Do you know what was in those papers, you had me sign last night? Norbit: Yeah, the construction permits. Kate: No, that's not all. [Norbit hears Rasputia's giant footsteps, walking over to the window] Kate: Norbit. Norbit: I I I I-- just-- just-- just go away, Kate! Kate: What?! [Norbit looks at the melted potato art of Kate, then looks back at Kate] Norbit: Ya heard what I said! Just get outta here! Scram! Kate: The Latimores are trying to take control of the orphanage, Norbit! Norbit: Well wh-- why don't you go and-- and find somebody, who-- who gives a rat's ass?! Because I d-- I I I sure as hell don't! Kate: Y y-- you don't care? Norbit: No I-- I don't care, b and d-- [looks at the ceiling] --And I don't care about you either! Kate: [heartbroken] Norbit! Norbit: The only woman that I have e e ever ever loved, and ever cared about was my darling... wife, Rasputia! [shakes his head, mad] Kate: B b bu-- but last night-- Norbit: Last night I was ju-- I was just tryin' to nail ya! You know, score?! But now I realize I don't have to do that! All I need is my beautiful, precious wife... RASPUTIA! [Rasputia shakes her head and smiles in satisfation] Norbit: She is all the woman *I* need! So you can just go on and get outta here! You screwy dame! Who needs ya?! Deion Hughes: [screaming] THAT'S ENOUGH!! THAT'S ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! ENOUGH!! Stop the music! Pope Sweet Jesus: Hold on... Deion Hughes: [cuts Pope off] Shut up! You two, shut up! That's it. This is husband-and-wife time. Now, let's go. Let's go. Husband-and-wife stuff. [The ceremony resumes] Preacher: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today... Norbit: I object! [congregation gasps and murmurs] Preacher: [frustrated] Oh, for Christ sake! Mr. Wong: [pleased] Norbit. Pope Sweet Jesus, Lord Have Mercy: [cheers] Norbit! Kate Thomas: [surprised] Norbit! Choir: [singing] Norbit-t-t-t! Norbit: This wedding's a sham and I'm here to stop it. Kate Thomas: Norbit, what are you doing? Norbit: I'm bein' a man for the first time in my life. Kate... Kate, I love you. Rasputia: [Rasputia, Big Jack, and Earl stormed into the church] What the hell did you just say? Norbit: You heard what I said, strumpet! I love Kate! That right! I love you, Kate! And the last two weeks I spent with you have meant more to me than my whole entire miserable life with you, Rasputia! It's over! Norbit Albert Rice is no longer your bitch! Rasputia: [laughs after Kate doesn't believe Norbit's story about Deion is a corrupt goldigger/cheater] Well, well, well, Norbit. You lose again! Once a loser, always a loser. Now, come on! Let's go! Norbit: [to Kate] Yeah, I thought you'd feel that way about it, Kate. And that's why I took the liberty of inviting some of Deion's ex-wives down so maybe they can tell you for themselves. LADIES! [Deion is shocked and frightened to see his three exes and their children walk in the church] Ex-Wife #1: Hello, Antoine! I've been looking everywhere for you. Children: Daddy! Ex-Wife #2: Antoine? He told me his name was Luther! Rasputia: Who is that ho? Ex-Wife #3: Luther? he told me he was gay! Deion Hughes: No, no, no. Y'all got me confused with my gay twin brother, Antoine Luther. Ex-Wife #1: [angry] You dead, goldigger! Deion Hughes: [the wives and children are going towards him] I'm out! Pope Sweet Jesus: Look's like the wedding's off, bro. Lord Have Mercy: Church! Big Jack: God Dammit, Norbit! Norbit: Oh, snap! Have You Ever Made A Really Big Mistake? Nice Guy. Huge Problem. Eddie Murphy - Norbit Albert Rice / Hangten Wong / Rasputia Latimore Khamani Griffin - young Norbit (age 5) Austin Reid - young Norbit (age 9) Jonathan Robinson - young Norbit (age 17) Lindsey Sims-Lewis - young Rasputia (age 10) Yves Lola St. Vil - young Rasputia (age 17) Thandie Newton - Kate Thomas, Norbit's best friend, in whom he has a romantic interest. China Anderson - young Kate (age 5) Terry Crews - Big Black Jack Latimore Lester "Rasta" Speight - Blue Latimore Clint Powell - Earl Latimore Cuba Gooding, Jr. - Deion Hughes Eddie Griffin - Pope Sweet Jesus Katt Williams - Lord Have Mercy Floyd Levine - Abe Anthony Russell - Sam Giovanni Pat Crawford Brown - Mrs. Henderson Jeanette Miller - Mrs. Coleman Michael Colyar - Morris Marlon Wayans - Buster "Bust-A-Move" Perkin Alexis Rhee - Ling Ling Wong Charlie Murphy (voice) - Lloyd the Dog Tone Man - Narrator (voice) Wikipedia has an article about: Norbit Norbit quotes at the Internet Movie Database
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