Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Robert Prince, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distribulted Proofreading Team THE AMATEUR GENTLEMAN BY JEFFERY FARNOL AUTHOR OF "THE BROAD HIGHWAY" WITH ILLUSTRATIONS BY HERMAN PFEIFER TO MY FATHER WHO HAS EVER CHOSEN THE "HARDER WAY," WHICH IS A PATH THAT CAN BE TRODDEN ONLY BY THE FOOT OF A MAN CONTENTS CHAPTER I In which Barnabas Knocks Down his Father, though as Dutifully as may be. II In which is Much Unpleasing Matter regarding Silk Purses, Sows' Ears, Men, and Gentlemen. III How Barnabas Set Out for London Town. IV How Barnabas Fell In with a Pedler of Books, and Purchased a "Priceless Wollum". V In which the Historian Sees Fit to Introduce a Lady of Quality; and Further Narrates How Barnabas Tore a Wonderful Bottle-green Coat. VI Of the Bewitchment of Black Eyelashes; and of a Fateful Lace Handkerchief VII In which may be Found Divers Rules and Maxims for the Art of Bowing. VIII Concerning the Captain's Arm, the Bo'sun's Leg, and the "Belisarius," Seventy-four. IX Which Concerns Itself, among Other Matters, with the Virtues of a Pair of Stocks and the Perversity of Fathers. X Which Describes a Peripatetic Conversation. XI In which Fists are Clenched; and of a Selfish Man, who was an Apostle of Peace. XII Of the Stranger's Tale, which, being Short, may perhaps Meet with the Reader's Kind Approbation. XIII In which Barnabas Makes a Confession. XIV Concerning the Buttons of One Milo of Crotona. XV In which the Patient Reader may Learn Something of the Gentleman in the Jaunty Hat. XVI In which Barnabas Engages One without a Character. XVII In which Barnabas Parts Company with the Person of Quality. XVIII How Barnabas Came to Oakshott's Barn. XIX Which Tells How Barnabas Talks with my Lady Cleone for the Second Time. XX Of the Prophecy of One Billy Button, a Madman. XXI In which Barnabas Undertakes a Mission. XXII In which the Reader is Introduced to an Ancient Finger-post. XXIII How Barnabas Saved his Life--because he was Afraid. XXIV Which Relates Something of the "White Lion" at Tenterden. XXV Of the Coachman's Story. XXVI Concerning the Duties of a Valet--and a Man. XXVII How Barnabas Bought an Unridable Horse--and Rode it. XXVIII Concerning, among Other Things, the Legs of a Gentleman-in-powder. XXIX Which Describes Something of the Misfortunes of Ronald Barrymaine. XXX In which Ronald Barrymaine Makes his Choice. XXXI Which Describes some of the Evils of Vindictiveness. XXXII Of Corporal Richard Roe, late of the Grenadiers; and Further Concerning Mr. Shrig's Little Reader. XXXIII Concerning the Duty of Fathers; more Especially the Viscount's "Roman". XXXIV Of the Luck of Captain Slingsby, of the Guards. XXXV How Barnabas Met Jasper Gaunt, and what Came of It. XXXVI Of an Ethical Discussion, which the Reader is Advised to Skip. XXXVII In which the Bo'sun Discourses on Love and its Symptoms. XXXVIII How Barnabas Climbed a Wall. XXXIX In which the Patient Reader is Introduced to an Almost Human Duchess. XL Which Relates Sundry Happenings at the Garden Fête. XLI In which Barnabas Makes a Surprising Discovery, that may not Surprise the Reader in the Least. XLII In which shall be Found Further Mention of a Finger-post. XLIII In which Barnabas Makes a Bet, and Receives a Warning. XLIV Of the Tribulations of the Legs of the Gentleman-in-powder. XLV How Barnabas Sought Counsel of the Duchess. XLVI Which Concerns Itself with Small Things in General, and a Pebble in Particular. XLVII How Barnabas Found his Manhood. XLVIII In which "The Terror," Hitherto Known as "Four-Legs," Justifies his New Name. XLIX Which, being Somewhat Important, is Consequently Short. L In which Ronald Barrymaine Speaks his Mind. LI Which Tells How and Why Mr. Shrig's Case was Spoiled. LII Of a Breakfast, a Roman Parent, and a Kiss. LIII In which shall be Found some Account of the Gentleman's Steeplechase. LIV Which Concerns itself Chiefly with a Letter. LV Which Narrates Sundry Happenings at Oakshott's Barn. LVI Of the Gathering of the Shadows. LVII Being a Parenthetical Chapter on Doubt, which, though Uninteresting, is very Short. LVIII How Viscount Devenham Found him a Viscountess. LIX Which Relates, among other Things, How Barnabas Lost his Hat. LX Which Tells of a Reconciliation. LXI How Barnabas Went to his Triumph. LXII Which Tells How Barnabas Triumphed in Spite of All. LXIII Which Tells How Barnabas Heard the Ticking of a Clock. LXIV Which Shows Something of the Horrors of Remorse. LXV Which Tells How Barnabas Discharged his Valet. LXVI Of Certain Con-clusions Drawn by Mr. Shrig. LXVII Which Gives some Account of the Worst Place in the World. LXVIII Concerning the Identity of Mr. Bimby's Guest. LXIX How Barnabas Led a Hue and Cry. LXX Which Tells How Barnabas Rode Another Race. LXXI Which Tells How Barnabas, in his Folly, Chose the Harder Course. LXXII How Ronald Barrymaine Squared his Account. LXXIII Which Recounts Three Awakenings. LXXIV How the Duchess Made up her Mind, and Barnabas Did the Like. LXXV Which Tells Why Barnabas Forgot his Breakfast. LXXVI How the Viscount Proposed a Toast. LXXVII How Barnabas Rode Homewards, and Took Counsel of a Pedler of Books. LXXVIII Which Tells How Barnabas Came Home Again, and How he Awoke for the Fourth Time. ILLUSTRATIONS Barnabas frowned, tore the letter across in sudden fury, and looked up to find Cleone frowning also. "Man Jack, 't is proud you should be to lie there." "Oh, sir, I grieve to disappoint you," said she, and rose. "Let me pass, I warn you!" For a minute they fronted each other, eye to eye. "But this is murder--positive murder!" cried Mr. Dalton. Sir Mortimer paused, and with a sudden gesture tore the rose from his coat and tossed it away. "So you meant to buy me, sir, as you would a horse or dog?" All at once, Sir Mortimer was on his feet and had caught up a heavy riding-whip. Barnabas espied a face amid the hurrying throng CHAPTER I IN WHICH BABNABAS KNOCKS DOWN HIS FATHER, THOUGH AS DUTIFULLY AS MAY BE John Barty, ex-champion of England and landlord of the "Coursing Hound," sat screwed round in his chair with his eyes yet turned to the door that had closed after the departing lawyer fully five minutes ago, and his eyes were wide and blank, and his mouth (grim and close-lipped as a rule) gaped, becoming aware of which, he closed it with a snap, and passed a great knotted fist across his brow. "Barnabas," said he slowly, "I beant asleep an' dreaming be I, Barnabas?" "No, father!" "But--seven--'undred--thousand--pound. It were seven--'undred thousand pound, weren't it, Barnabas?" "Yes, father!" "Seven--'undred--thou--! No! I can't believe it, Barnabas my bye." "Neither can I, father," said Barnabas, still staring down at the papers which littered the table before him. "Nor I aren't a-going to try to believe it, Barnabas." "And yet--here it is, all written down in black and white, and you heard what Mr. Crabtree said?" "Ah,--I heered, but arter all Crabtree's only a lawyer--though a good un as lawyers go, always been honest an' square wi' me--leastways I 've never caught him trying to bamboozle John Barty yet--an' what the eye don't ob-serve the heart don't grieve, Barnabas my bye, an' there y'are. But seven 'undred thousand pound is coming it a bit too strong--if he'd ha' knocked off a few 'undred thousand I could ha' took it easier Barnabas, but, as it is--no, Barnabas!" "It's a great fortune!" said Barnabas in the same repressed tone and with his eyes still intent. "Fortun'," repeated the father, "fortun'--it's fetched me one in the ribs--low, Barnabas, low!--it's took my wind an' I'm a-hanging on to the ropes, lad. Why, Lord love me! I never thought as your uncle Tom 'ad it in him to keep hisself from starving, let alone make a fortun'! My scapegrace brother Tom--poor Tom as sailed away in a emigrant ship (which is a un-common bad kind of a ship to sail in--so I've heered, Barnabas) an' now, to think as he went an' made all that fortun'--away off in Jamaiky--out o' vegetables." "And lucky speculation, father--!" "Now, Barnabas," exclaimed his father, beginning to rasp his fingers to and fro across his great, square, shaven chin, "why argufy? Your uncle Tom was a planter--very well! Why is a man a planter--because he plants things, an' what should a man plant but vegetables? So Barnabas, vegetables I says, an' vegetables I abide by, now an' hereafter. Seven 'undred thousand pound all made in Jamaiky--out o' vegetables--an' there y' are!" Here John Barty paused and sat with his chin 'twixt finger and thumb in expectation of his son's rejoinder, but finding him silent, he presently continued: "Now what astonishes an' fetches me a leveller as fair doubles me up is--why should my brother Tom leave all this money to a young hop o' me thumb like you, Barnabas? you, as he never see but once and you then a infant (and large for your age) in your blessed mother's arms, Barnabas, a-kicking an' a-squaring away wi' your little pink fists as proper as ever I seen inside the Ring or out. Ah, Barnabas!" sighed his father shaking his head at him, "you was a promising infant, likewise a promising bye; me an' Natty Bell had great hopes of ye, Barnabas; if you'd been governed by me and Natty Bell you might ha' done us all proud in the Prize Ring. You was cut out for the 'Fancy.' Why, Lord! you might even ha' come to be Champion o' England in time--you 're the very spit o' what I was when I beat the Fighting Quaker at Dartford thirty years ago." "But you see, father--" "That was why me an' Natty Bell took you in hand--learned you all we knowed o' the game--an' there aren't a fighting man in all England as knows so much about the Noble Art as me an' Natty Bell." "But father--" "If you 'd only followed your nat'ral gifts, Barnabas, I say you might ha' been Champion of England to-day, wi' Markisses an' Lords an' Earls proud to shake your hand--if you'd only been ruled by Natty Bell an' me, I'm disappointed in ye, Barnabas--an' so's Natty Bell." "I'm sorry, father--but as I told you--" "Still Barnabas, what ain't to be, ain't--an' what is, is. Some is born wi' a nat'ral love o' the 'Fancy' an' gift for the game, like me an' Natty Bell--an' some wi' a love for reading out o' books an' a-cyphering into books--like you: though a reader an' a writer generally has a hard time on it an' dies poor--which, arter all, is only nat'ral--an' there y' are!" Here John Barty paused to take up the tankard of ale at his elbow, and pursed up his lips to blow off the foam, but in that moment, observing his son about to speak, he immediately set down the ale untasted and continued: "Not as I quarrels wi' your reading and writing, Barnabas, no, and because why? Because reading and writing is apt to be useful now an' then, and because it were a promise--as I made--to--your mother. When--your mother were alive, Barnabas, she used to keep all my accounts for me. She likewise larned me to spell my own name wi' a capital G for John, an' a capital B for Barty, an' when she died, Barnabas (being a infant, you don't remember), but when she died, lad! I was that lost--that broke an' helpless, that all the fight were took out o' me, and it's a wonder I didn't throw up the sponge altogether. Ah! an' it's likely I should ha' done but for Natty Bell." "Yes, father--" "No man ever 'ad a better friend than Natty Bell--Ah! yes, though I did beat him out o' the Championship which come very nigh breaking his heart at the time, Barnabas; but--as I says to him that day as they carried him out of the ring--it was arter the ninety-seventh round, d' ye see, Barnabas--'what is to be, is, Natty Bell,' I says, 'an' what ain't, ain't. It were ordained,' I says, 'as I should be Champion o' England,' I says--'an' as you an' me should be friends--now an' hereafter,' I says--an' right good friends we have been, as you know, Barnabas." "Indeed, yes, father," said Barnabas, with another vain attempt to stem his father's volubility. "But your mother, Barnabas, your mother, God rest her sweet soul!--your mother weren't like me--no nor Natty Bell--she were away up over me an' the likes o' me--a wonderful scholard she were, an'--when she died, Barnabas--" here the ex-champion's voice grew uncertain and his steady gaze wavered--sought the sanded floor--the raftered ceiling--wandered down the wall and eventually fixed upon the bell-mouthed blunderbuss that hung above the mantel, "when she died," he continued, "she made me promise as you should be taught to read an' cypher--an' taught I've had you according--for a promise is a promise, Barnabas--an' there y' are." "For which I can never be sufficiently grateful, both to her--and to you!" said Barnabas, who sat with his chin propped upon his hand, gazing through the open lattice to where the broad white road wound away betwixt blooming hedges, growing ever narrower till it vanished over the brow of a distant hill. "Not as I holds wi' eddication myself, Barnabas, as you know," pursued his father, "but that's why you was sent to school, that's why me an' Natty Bell sat by quiet an' watched ye at your books. Sometimes when I've seen you a-stooping your back over your reading, or cramping your fist round a pen, Barnabas, why--I've took it hard, Barnabas, hard, I'll not deny--But Natty Bell has minded me as it was her wish and so--why--there y' are." It was seldom his father mentioned to Barnabas the mother whose face he had never seen, upon which rare occasions John Barty's deep voice was wont to take on a hoarser note, and his blue eyes, that were usually so steady, would go wandering off until they fixed themselves on some remote object. Thus he sat now, leaning back in his elbow chair, gazing in rapt attention at the bell-mouthed blunderbuss above the mantel, while his son, chin on fist, stared always and ever to where the road dipped, and vanished over the hill--leading on and on to London, and the great world beyond. "She died, Barnabas--just twenty-one years ago--buried at Maidstone where you were born. Twenty-one years is a longish time, lad, but memory's longer, an' deeper,--an' stronger than time, arter all, an' I know that her memory will go wi' me--all along the way--d' ye see lad: and so Barnabas," said John Barty lowering his gaze to his son's face, "so Barnabas, there y' are." "Yes, father!" nodded Barnabas, still intent upon the road. "And now I come to your uncle Tom--an' speaking of him--Barnabas my lad,--what are ye going to do wi' all this money?" Barnabas turned from the window and met his father's eye. "Do with it," he began, "why first of all--" "Because," pursued his father, "we might buy the 'White Hart'--t' other side o' Sevenoaks,--to be sure you're over young to have any say in the matter--still arter all the money's yours, Barnabas--what d' ye say to the 'White Hart'?" "A very good house!" nodded Barnabas, stealing a glance at the road again--"but--" "To be sure there's the 'Running Horse,'" said his father, "just beyond Purley on the Brighton Road--a coaching-house, wi' plenty o' custom, what d' ye think o' the 'Running Horse'?" "Any one you choose, father, but--" "Then there's the 'Sun in the Sands' on Shooter's Hill--a fine inn an' not to be sneezed at, Barnabas--we might take that." "Just as you wish, father, only--" "Though I've often thought the 'Greyhound' at Croydon would be a comfortable house to own." "Buy whichever you choose, father, it will be all one to me!" "Good lad!" nodded John, "you can leave it all to Natty Bell an' me." "Yes," said Barnabas, rising and fronting his father across the table, "you see I intend to go away, sir." "Eh?" exclaimed his father, staring--"go away--where to?" "To London!" "London? and what should you want in London--a slip of a lad like you?" "I'm turned twenty-two, father!" "And what should a slip of a lad of twenty-two want in London? You leave London alone, Barnabas. London indeed! what should you want wi' London?" "Learn to be a gentleman." "A--what?" As he spoke, John Barty rose up out of his chair, his eyes wide, his mouth agape with utter astonishment. As he encountered his son's look, however, his expression slowly changed from amazement to contempt, from contempt to growing ridicule, and from ridicule to black anger. John Barty was a very tall man, broad and massive, but, even so, he had to look up to Barnabas as they faced each other across the table. And as they stood thus eye to eye, the resemblance between them was marked. Each possessed the same indomitable jaw, the same square brow and compelling eyes, the same grim prominence of chin; but there all likeness ended. In Barnabas the high carriage of the head, the soft brilliancy of the full, well-opened gray eye, the curve of the sensitive nostrils, the sweet set of the firm, shapely mouth--all were the heritage of that mother who was to him but a vague memory. But now while John Barty frowned upon his son, Barnabas frowned back at his father, and the added grimness of his chin offset the sweetness of the mouth above. "Barnabas," said his father at last, "did you say a--gentleman, Barnabas?" "Yes." "What--you?" Here John Barty's frown vanished suddenly and, expanding his great chest, he threw back his head and roared with laughter. Barnabas clenched his fists, and his mouth lost something of its sweetness, and his eyes glinted through their curving lashes, while his father laughed and laughed till the place rang again, which of itself stung Barnabas sharper than any blow could have done. But now having had his laugh out, John Barty frowned again blacker than ever, and resting his two hands upon the table, leaned towards Barnabas with his great, square chin jutted forward, and his deep-set eyes narrowed to shining slits--the "fighting face" that had daunted many a man ere now. "So you want to be a gentleman--hey?" "Yes." "You aren't crazed in your 'ead, are ye, Barnabas?" "Not that I know of, father." "This here fortun' then--it's been an' turned your brain, that's what it is." Barnabas smiled and shook his head. "Listen, father," said he, "it has always been the dream and ambition of my life to better my condition, to strive for a higher place in the world--to be a gentleman. This was why I refused to become a pugilist, as you and Natty Bell desired, this was why I worked and studied--ah! a great deal harder than you ever guessed--though up till to-day I hardly dared hope my dream would ever be realized--but now--" "Now you want to go to London and be a gentleman--hey?" "Yes." "Which all comes along o' your reading o' fool book! Why, Lord! you can no more become a gentleman than I can or the--blunderbuss yonder. And because why? Because a gentleman must be a gentleman born, and his father afore him, and _his_ father afore him. You, Barnabas, you was born the son of a Champion of England, an' that should be enough for most lads; but your head's chock full o' fool's notions an' crazy fancies, an' as your lawful father it's my bounden duty to get 'em out again, Barnabas my lad." So saying, John Barty proceeded to take off his coat and belcher neckerchief, and rolled his shirt sleeves over his mighty forearms, motioning Barnabas to do the like. "A father's duty be a very solemn thing, Barnabas," he continued slowly, "an' your 'ead being (as I say) full o' wild idees, I'm going to try to punch 'em out again as a well-meaning father should, so help me back wi' the table out o' the road, an' off wi' your coat and neckercher." Well knowing the utter futility of argument with his father at such a time, Barnabas obediently helped to set back the table, thus leaving the floor clear, which done, he, in turn, stripped off coat and neckcloth, and rolled up his sleeves, while his father watched him with sharply appraising eye. "You peel well, Barnabas," he nodded. "You peel like a fighting man, you've a tidy arm an' a goodish spread o' shoulder, likewise your legs is clean an' straight, but your skin's womanish, Barnabas, womanish, an' your muscles soft wi' books. So, lad!--are ye ready? Then come on." Thus, without more ado they faced each other foot to foot, bare-armed and alert of eye. For a moment they sparred watchfully, then John Barty feinted Barnabas into an opening, in that same moment his fist shot out and Barnabas measured his length on the floor. "Ah--I knowed as much!" John sighed mournfully as he aided Barnabas to his feet, "and 't were only a love-tap, so to speak,--this is what comes o' your book reading." "Try me again," said Barnabas. "It'll be harder next time!" said his father. "As hard as you like!" nodded Barnabas. Once more came the light tread of quick-moving feet, once more John Barty feinted cunningly--once more his fist shot out, but this time it missed its mark, for, ducking the blow, Barnabas smacked home two lightning blows on his father's ribs and danced away again light and buoyant as a cork. "Stand up an' fight, lad!" growled his father, "plant your feet square--never go hopping about on your toe-points like a French dancing-master." "Why as to that, father, Natty Bell, as you know, holds that it is the quicker method," here Barnabas smote his father twice upon the ribs, "and indeed I think it is," said he, deftly eluding the ex-champion's return. "Quicker, hey?" sneered his father, and with the words came his fist--to whizz harmlessly past Barnabas's ear--"we'll prove that." "Haven't we had almost enough?" inquired Barnabas, dropping his fists. "Enough? why we aren't begun yet, lad." "Then how long are we to go on?" "How long?" repeated John, frowning; "why--that depends on you, Barnabas." "How on me, father?" "Are ye still minded to go to London?" "Of course." "Then we'll go on till you think better of it--or till you knock me down, Barnabas my lad." "Why then, father, the sooner I knock you down the better!" "What?" exclaimed John Barty, staring, "d' ye mean to say--you think you can?--me?--you?" "Yes," nodded Barnabas. "My poor lad!" sighed his father, "your head's fair crazed, sure as sure, but if you think you can knock John Barty off his pins, do it, and there y' are." "I will," said Barnabas, "though as gently as possible." And now they fell to it in silence, a grim silence broken only by the quick tread and shuffle of feet and the muffled thud of blows. John Barty, resolute of jaw, indomitable and calm of eye, as in the days when champions had gone down before the might of his fist; Barnabas, taller, slighter, but full of the supreme confidence of youth. Moreover, he had not been the daily pupil of two such past masters in the art for nothing; and now he brought to bear all his father's craft and cunning, backed up by the lightning precision of Natty Bell. In all his many hard-fought battles John Barty had ever been accounted most dangerous when he smiled, and he was smiling now. Twice Barnabas staggered back to the wall, and there was an ugly smear upon his cheek, yet as they struck and parried, and feinted, Barnabas, this quick-eyed, swift-footed Barnabas, was smiling also. Thus, while they smiled upon and smote each other, the likeness between them was more apparent than ever, only the smile of Barnabas was the smile of youth, joyous, exuberant, unconquerable. Noting which Experienced Age laughed short and fierce, and strode in to strike Youth down--then came a rush of feet, the panting hiss of breath, the shock of vicious blows, and John Barty, the unbeaten ex-champion of all England, threw up his arms, staggered back the length of the room, and went down with a crash. For a moment Barnabas stood wide-eyed, panting, then ran towards him with hands outstretched, but in that moment the door was flung open, and Natty Bell stood between them, one hand upon the laboring breast of Barnabas, the other stretched down to the fallen ex-champion. "Man Jack," he exclaimed, in his strangely melodious voice. "Oh, John!--John Barty, you as ever was the king o' the milling coves, here's my hand, shake it. Lord, John, what a master o' the Game we've made of our lad. He's stronger than you and quicker than ever I was. Man Jack, 'twas as sweet, as neat, as pretty a knockdown as ever we gave in our best days, John. Man Jack, 'tis proud you should be to lie there and know as you have a son as can stop even _your_ rush wi' his left an' down you wi' his right as neat and proper, John, as clean an' delicate as ever man saw. Man Jack, God bless him, and here's my hand, John." So, sitting there upon the floor, John Barty solemnly shook the hand Natty Bell held out to him, which done, he turned and looked at his son as though he had never seen him before. "Why, Barnabas!" said he; then, for all his weight, sprang nimbly to his feet and coming to the mantel took thence his pipe and began to fill it, staring at Barnabas the while. "Father," said Barnabas, advancing with hand outstretched, though rather diffidently--"Father!" John Barty pursed up his lips into a soundless whistle and went on filling his pipe. "Father," said Barnabas again, "I did it--as gently--as I could." The pipe shivered to fragments on the hearth, and Barnabas felt his fingers caught in his father's mighty grip. "Why, Barnabas, lad, I be all mazed like; there aren't many men as have knocked me off my pins, an' I aren't used to it, Barnabas, lad, but 't was a clean blow, as Natty Bell says, and why--I be proud of thee, Barnabas, an'--there y' are." "Spoke like true fighting men!" said Natty Bell, standing with a hand on the shoulder of each, "and, John, we shall see this lad, this Barnabas of ours, Champion of England yet." John frowned and shook his head. "No," said he, "Barnabas'll never be Champion, Natty Bell--there aren't a fighting man in the Ring to-day as could stand up to him, but he'll never be Champion, an' you can lay to that, Natty Bell. And if you ask me why," said he, turning to select another pipe from the sheaf in the mantel-shelf, "I should tell you because he prefers to go to London an' try to turn himself into a gentleman." "London," exclaimed Natty Bell, "a gentleman--our Barnabas--what?" "Bide an' listen, Natty Bell," said the ex-champion, beginning to fill his new pipe. "I'm listening, John." "Well then, you must know, then, his uncle, my scapegrace brother Tom--you'll mind Tom as sailed away in a emigrant ship--well, Natty Bell, Tom has took an' died an' left a fortun' to our lad here." "A fortun', John!--how much?" "Seven--'undred--thousand--pound," said John, with a ponderous nod after each word, "seven--'undred--thousand--pound, Natty Bell, and there y' are." Natty Bell opened his mouth, shut it, thrust his hands down into his pockets and brought out a short clay pipe. "Man Jack," said he, beginning to fill the pipe, yet with gaze abstracted, "did I hear you say aught about a--gentleman?" "Natty Bell, you did; our lad's took the idee into his nob to be a gentleman, an' I were trying to knock it out again, but as it is. Natty Bell, I fear me," and John Barty shook his handsome head and sighed ponderously. "Why then, John, let's sit down, all three of us, and talk this matter over." CHAPTER II IN WHICH IS MUCH UNPLEASING MATTER REGARDING SILK PURSES, SOWS' EARS, MEN, AND GENTLEMEN A slender man was Natty Bell, yet bigger than he looked, and prodigiously long in the reach, with a pair of very quick, bright eyes, and a wide, good-humored mouth ever ready to curve into a smile. But he was solemn enough now, and there was trouble in his eyes as he looked from John to Barnabas, who sat between them, his chair drawn up to the hearth, gazing down into the empty fireplace. "An' you tell me, John," said he, as soon as his pipe was well alight,--"you tell me that our Barnabas has took it into his head to set up as a gentleman, do you?" "Ah!" nodded John. Whereupon Natty Bell crossed his legs and leaning back in his chair fell a-singing to himself in his sweet voice, as was his custom when at all inclined to deep thought: "A true Briton from Bristol, a rum one to fib, He's Champion of England, his name is Tom Cribb;" "Ah! and you likewise tell me as our Barnabas has come into a fortun'." "Seven--'undred--thousand--pound." "Hum!" said Natty Bell,--"quite a tidy sum, John." "Come list, all ye fighting gills And coves of boxing note, sirs, While I relate some bloody mills In our time have been fought, sirs." "Yes, a good deal can be done wi' such a sum as that, John." "But it can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear, Natty Bell,--nor yet a gentlemen out o' you or me--or Barnabas here." "For instance," continued Natty Bell, "for instance, John: "Since boxing is a manly game, And Britain's recreation, By boxing we will raise our fame 'Bove every other nation." "As I say, John, a young and promising life can be wrecked, and utterly blasted by a much less sum than seven hundred thousand pound." "Ah!" nodded John, "but a sow's ear aren't a silk purse, Natty Bell, no, nor never can be." "True, John; but, arter all, a silk purse ain't much good if 't is empty--it's the gold inside of it as counts." "But a silk purse is ever and always a silk purse--empty or no, Natty Bell." "An' a man is always a man, John, which a gentleman often ain't." "But surely," said Barnabas, speaking for the first time, "a gentleman is both." "No--not nohow, my lad!" exclaimed John, beginning to rasp at his chin again. "A man is ever and allus a man--like me and you, an' Natty Bell, an' a gentleman's a gentleman like--Sir George Annersley--up at the great house yonder." "But--" began Barnabas. "Now, Barnabas"--remonstrated his father, rasping his chin harder than ever--"wherefore argufy--if you do go for to argufy--" "We come back to the silk purses and the sows' ears," added Natty Bell. "And I believe," said Barnabas, frowning down at the empty hearth, "I'm sure, that gentility rests not so much on birth as upon hereditary instinct." "Hey?" said his father, glancing at him from the corners of his eyes--"go easy, Barnabas, my lad--give it time--on what did 'ee say?" "On instinct, father." "Instinct!" repeated John Barty, puffing out a vast cloud of smoke-- "instinct does all right for 'osses, Barnabas, dogs likewise; but what's nat'ral to 'osses an' dogs aren't nowise nat'ral to us! No, you can't come instinct over human beings,--not nohowsoever, Barnabas, my lad. And, as I told you afore, a gentleman is nat'rally born a gentleman an' his feyther afore him an' his grand-feyther afore him, back an' back--" "To Adam?" inquired Barnabas; "now, if so, the question is--was Adam a gentleman?" "Lord, Barnabas!" exclaimed John Barty, with a reproachful look-- "why drag in Adam? You leave poor old Adam alone, my lad. Adam indeed! What's Adam got to do wi' it?" "Everything, we being all his descendants,--at least the Bible says so.--Lords and Commons, Peers and Peasants--all are children of Adam; so come now, father, was Adam a gentleman, Yes or No?" John Barty frowned up at the ceiling, frowned down at the floor, and finally spoke: "What do you say to that, Natty Bell?" "Why, I should say, John--hum!" "Pray haven't you heard of a jolly young coal-heaver, Who down at Hungerford used for to ply, His daddles he used with such skill and dexterity Winning each mill, sir, and blacking each eye." "Ha!--I should say, John, that Adam being in the habit o' going about--well, as you might put it--in a free and easy, airy manner, fig leaves an' suchlike, John,--I should say as he didn't have no call to be a gentleman, seeing as there weren't any tailors." "Tailors!" exclaimed John, staring. "Lord! and what have tailors got to do wi' it, Natty Bell?" "A great deal more than you 'd think, John; everything, John, seeing 't was tailors as invented gentlemen as a matter o' trade, John. So, if Barnabas wants to have a try at being one--he must first of all go dressed in the fashion." "That is very true," said Barnabas, nodding. "Though," pursued Natty Bell, "if you were the best dressed, the handsomest, the strongest, the bravest, the cleverest, the most honorable man in the world--that wouldn't make you a gentleman. I tell you, Barnabas, if you went among 'em and tried to be one of 'em,--they'd find you out some day an' turn their gentlemanly backs on you." "Ah," nodded John, "and serve you right, lad,--because if you should try to turn yourself into a gentleman, why, Lord, Barnabas!--you'd only be a sort of a amitoor arter all, lad." "Then," said Barnabas, rising up from his chair and crossing with resolute foot to the door, "then, just so soon as this law business is settled and the money mine, an Amateur Gentleman I'll be." CHAPTER III HOW BARNABAS SET OUT FOR LONDON TOWN It was upon a certain glorious morning, some three weeks later, that Barnabas fared forth into the world; a morning full of the thousand scents of herb and flower and ripening fruits; a morning glad with the song of birds. And because it was still very early, the dew yet lay heavy, it twinkled in the grass, it sparkled in the hedges, and gemmed every leaf and twig with a flaming pendant. And amidst it all, fresh like the morning and young like the sun, came Barnabas, who, closing the door of the "Coursing Hound" behind him, leapt lightly down the stone steps and, turning his back upon the ancient inn, set off towards that hill, beyond which lay London and the Future. Yet--being gone but a very little way--he halted suddenly and came striding back again. And standing thus before the inn he let his eyes wander over its massive crossbeams, its leaning gables, its rows of gleaming lattices, and so up to the great sign swinging above the door--an ancient sign whereon a weather-beaten hound, dim-legged and faded of tail, pursued a misty blur that, by common report, was held to be a hare. But it was to a certain casement that his gaze oftenest reverted, behind whose open lattice he knew his father lay asleep, and his eyes, all at once, grew suffused with a glittering brightness that was not of the morning, and he took a step forward, half minded to clasp his father's hand once more ere he set out to meet those marvels and wonders that lay waiting for him over the hills--London-wards. Now, as he stood hesitating, he heard a voice that called his name softly, and, glancing round and up, espied Natty Bell, bare of neck and touzled of head, who leaned far out from the casement of his bedchamber above. "Ah, Barnabas, lad!" said he with a nod--"So you're going to leave us, then?" "Yes!" said Barnabas. "And all dressed in your new clothes as fine as ever was!--stand back a bit and let me have a look at you." "How are they, Natty Bell?" inquired Barnabas with a note of anxiety in his voice--"the Tenderden tailor assured me they were of the very latest cut and fashion--what do you think, Natty Bell?" "Hum!" said the ex-pugilist, staring down at Barnabas, chin in hand. "Ha! they're very good clothes, Barnabas, yes indeed; just the very thing--for the country." "The country!--I had these made for London, Natty Bell." "For London, Barnabas--hum!" "What do you mean by 'hum,' Natty Bell?" "Why--look ye now--'t is a good sensible coat, I'll not deny, Barnabas; likewise the breeches is serviceable--but being only a coat and breeches, why--they ain't per-lite enough. For in the world of London, the per-lite world, Barnabas, clothes ain't garments to keep a man warm--they're works of art; in the country a man puts 'em on, and forgets all about 'em--in the per-lite world he has 'em put on for him, and remembers 'em. In the country a man wears his clothes, in the per-lite world his clothes wears him, ah! and they're often the perlitest thing about him, too!" "I suppose," sighed Barnabas, "a man's clothes are very important--in the fashionable world?" "Important! They are the most importantest part o' the fashionable world, lad. Now there's Mr. Brummell--him as they call the 'Beau'--well, he ain't exactly a Lord Nelson nor yet a Champion of England, he ain't never done nothing, good, bad, or indifferent--but he does know how to wear his clothes--consequently he's a very famous gentleman indeed--in the per-lite world, Barnabas." Here there fell a silence while Barnabas stared up at the inn and Natty Bell stared down at him. "To be sure, the old 'Hound' ain't much of a place, lad--not the kind of inn as a gentleman of quality would go out of his way to seek and search for, p'r'aps--but there be worse places in London, Barnabas, I was born there and I know. There, there! dear lad, never hang your head--youth must have its dreams I've heard; so go your ways, Barnabas. You're a master wi' your fists, thanks to John an' me--and you might have been Champion of England if you hadn't set your heart on being only a gentleman. Well, well, lad! don't forget as there are two old cocks o' the Game down here in Kent as will think o' you and talk o' you, Barnabas, and what you might have been if you hadn't happened to--Ah well, let be. But wherever you go and whatever you come to be--you're our lad still, and so, Barnabas, take this, wear it in memory of old Natty Bell--steady--catch!" And, with the word, he tossed down his great silver watch. "Why, Natty Bell!" exclaimed Barnabas, very hoarse of voice. "Dear old Natty--I can't take this!" "Ah, but you can--it was presented to me twenty and one years ago, Barnabas, the time I beat the Ruffian on Bexley Heath." "But I can't--I couldn't take it," said Barnabas again, looking down at the broad-faced, ponderous timepiece in his hand, which he knew had long been Natty Bell's most cherished possession. "Ay, but you can, lad--you must--'t is all I have to offer, and it may serve to mind you of me, now and then, so take it! take it! And, Barnabas, when you're tired o' being a fine gentleman up there in London, why--come back to us here at the old 'Hound' and be content to be just--a man. Good-by, lad; good-by!" saying which, Natty Bell nodded, drew in his head and vanished, leaving Barnabas to stare up at the closed lattice, with the ponderous timepiece ticking in his hand. So, in a while, Barnabas slipped it into his pocket and, turning his back upon the "Coursing Hound," began to climb that hill beyond which lay the London of his dreams. Therefore as he went he kept his eyes lifted up to the summit of the hill, and his step grew light, his eye brightened, for Adventure lay in wait for him; Life beckoned to him from the distance; there was magic in the air. Thus Barnabas strode on up the hill full of expectancy and the blind confidence in destiny which is the glory of youth. Oh, Spirit of Youth, to whose fearless eyes all things are matters to wonder at; oh, brave, strong Spirit of Youth, to whom dangers are but trifles to smile at, and death itself but an adventure; to thee, since failure is unknown, all things are possible, and thou mayest, peradventure, make the world thy football, juggle with the stars, and even become a Fine Gentleman despite thy country homespun--and yet-- But as for young Barnabas, striding blithely upon his way, he might verily have been the Spirit of Youth itself--head high, eyes a-dance, his heart light as his step, his gaze ever upon the distance ahead, for he was upon the road at last, and every step carried him nearer the fulfilment of his dream. "At Tonbridge he would take the coach," he thought, or perhaps hire a chaise and ride to London like a gentleman. A gentleman! and here he was whistling away like any ploughboy. Happily the road was deserted at this early hour, but Barnabas shook his head at himself reproachfully, and whistled no more--for a time. But now, having reached the summit of the hill, he paused and turned to look back. Below him lay the old inn, blinking in its many casements in the level rays of the newly risen sun; and now, all at once, as he gazed down at it from this eminence, it seemed, somehow, to have shrunk, to have grown more weather-beaten and worn--truly never had it looked so small and mean as it did at this moment. Indeed, he had been wont to regard the "Coursing Hound" as the very embodiment of what an English inn should be--but now! Barnabas sighed--which was a new thing for him. "Was the change really in the old inn, or in himself?" he wondered. Hereupon he sighed again, and turning, went on down the hill. But now, as he went, his step lagged and his head drooped. "Was the change in the inn, or could it be that money can so quickly alter one?" he wondered. And straightway the coins in his pocket chinked and jingled "yes, yes!" wherefore Barnabas sighed for the third time, and his head drooped lower yet. Well then, since he was rich, he would buy his father a better inn--the best in all England. A better inn! and the "Coursing Hound" had been his home as long as he could remember. A better inn! Here Barnabas sighed for the fourth time, and his step was heavier than ever as he went on down the hill. CHAPTER IV HOW BARNABAS FELL IN WITH A PEDLER OF BOOKS, AND PURCHASED A "PRICELESS WOLLUM" "Heads up, young master, never say die! and wi' the larks and the throstles a-singing away so inspiring too--Lord love me!" Barnabas started guiltily, and turning with upflung head, perceived a very small man perched on an adjacent milestone, with a very large pack at his feet, a very large hunk of bread and cheese in his hand, and with a book open upon his knee. "Listen to that theer lark," said the man, pointing upwards with the knife he held. "Well?" said Barnabas, a trifle haughtily perhaps. "There's music for ye; there's j'y. I never hear a lark but it takes me back to London--to Lime'us, to Giles's Rents, down by the River." "Pray, why?" inquired Barnabas, still a trifle haughtily. "Because it's so different; there ain't much j'y, no, nor yet music in Giles's Rents, down by the River." "Rather an unpleasant place!" said Barnabas. "Unpleasant, young sir. I should say so--the worst place in the world--but listen to that theer blessed lark; there's a woice for ye; there's music with a capital M.; an' I've read as they cooks and eats 'em." "Who do?" "Nobs do--swells--gentlemen--ah, an' ladies, too!" "More shame to them, then." "Why, so says I, young master, but, ye see, beef an' mutton, ducks an' chicken, an' sich, ain't good enough for your Nobs nowadays, oh no! They must dewour larks wi' gusto, and French hortolons wi' avidity, and wi' a occasional leg of a frog throw'd in for a relish--though, to be sure, a frog's leg ain't over meaty at the best o' times. Oh, it's all true, young sir; it's all wrote down here in this priceless wollum." Here he tapped the book upon his knee. "Ye see, with the Quality it is quality as counts--not quantity. It's flavor as is their constant want, or, as you might say, desire; flavor in their meat, in their drink, and above all, in their books; an' see you, I sell books, an' I know." "What kind of flavor?" demanded Barnabas, coming a step nearer, though in a somewhat stately fashion. "Why, a gamey flavor, to be sure, young sir; a 'igh flavor--ah! the 'igher the better. Specially in books. Now here," continued the Chapman, holding up the volume he had been reading. "'Ere's a book as ain't to be ekalled nowheers nor nohow--not in Latin nor Greek, nor Persian, no, nor yet 'Indoo. A book as is fuller o' information than a egg is o' meat. A book as was wrote by a person o' quality, therefore a elewating book; wi' nice bold type into it--ah! an' wood-cuts--picters an' engravin's, works o' art as is not to be beat nowheers nor nohow; not in China, Asia, nor Africa, a book therefore as is above an' beyond all price." "What book is it?" inquired Barnabas, forgetting his haughtiness, and coming up beside the Chapman. "It's a book," said the Chapman; "no, it's THE book as any young gentleman a-going out into the world ought to have wi' him, asleep or awake." "But what is it all about?" inquired Barnabas a trifle impatiently. "Why, everything," answered the Chapman; "an' I know because I 've read it--a thing I rarely do." "What's the title?" "The title, young sir; well theer! read for yourself." And with the words the Chapman held up the book open at the title-page, and Barnabas read: HINTS ON ETIQUETTE, OR THE COMPLEAT ART OF A GENTLEMANLY DEPORTMENT BY A PERSON OF QUALITY. "You'll note that theer Person o' Quality, will ye?" said the Chapman. "Strange!" said Barnabas. "Not a bit of it!" retorted the Chapman. "Lord, love me! any one could be a gentleman by just reading and inwardly di-gesting o' this here priceless wollum; it's all down here in print, an' nice bold type, too--pat as you please. If it didn't 'appen as my horryscope demands as I should be a chapman, an' sell books an' sich along the roads, I might ha' been as fine a gentleman as any on 'em, just by follering the directions printed into this here blessed tome, an' in nice large type, too, an' woodcuts." "This is certainly very remarkable!" said Barnabas. "Ah!" nodded the Chapman, "it's the most remarkablest book as ever was!--Lookee--heer's picters for ye--lookee!" and he began turning over the pages, calling out the subject of the pictures as he did so. "Gentleman going a walk in a jerry 'at. Gentleman eating soup! Gentleman kissing lady's 'and. Gentleman dancing with lady--note them theer legs, will ye--theer's elegance for ye! Gentleman riding a 'oss in one o' these 'ere noo buckled 'ats. Gentleman shaking 'ands with ditto--observe the cock o' that little finger, will ye! Gentleman eating ruffles--no, truffles, which is a vegetable, as all pigs is uncommon partial to. Gentleman proposing lady's 'ealth in a frilled shirt an' a pair o' skin-tights. Gentleman making a bow." "And remarkably stiff in the legs about it, too!" nodded Barnabas. "Stiff in the legs!" cried the Chapman reproachfully. "Lord love you, young sir! I've seen many a leg stiffer than that." "And how much is the book?" The Chapman cast a shrewd glance up at the tall youthful figure, at the earnest young face, at the deep and solemn eyes, and coughed behind his hand. "Well, young sir," said he, gazing thoughtfully up at the blue sky--"since you are you, an' nobody else--an' ax me on so fair a morning, wi' the song o' birds filling the air--we'll charge you only--well--say ten shillings: say eight, say seven-an'-six--say five--theer, make it five shillings, an' dirt-cheap at the price, too." Barnabas hesitated, and the Chapman was about to come down a shilling or two more when Barnabas spoke. "Then you're not thinking of learning to become a gentleman yourself?" "O Lord love you--no!" "Then I'll buy it," said Barnabas, and forthwith handed over the five shillings. Slipping the book into his pocket, he turned to go, yet paused again and addressed the Chapman over his shoulder. "Shouldn't you like to become a gentleman?" he inquired. Again the Chapman regarded him from the
{'title': 'The Amateur Gentleman by Jeffery Farnol', 'source': 'Project Gutenberg', 'lang': 'en'}