@Rusty_Blazenhoff (Rusty Blazenhoff) posted a new topic, subject "Yellies toy spiders: "The louder you yell, the faster they move"". It read:

   Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/12/18/yellies-toy-spiders-the-lou.html  
      
    …

So @anotherone replied

    The perfect toy for an aunt or uncle to gift their favorite siblings children.

To which @Ratel (Mellivora capensis) replied

    Rusty_Blazenhoff:
    
    > One mother shared that her son was scared of the toy and that it actually fed off her kid's “screams of terror”
    
    Working as designed.

After which, @bobtato (Bobtato) added

    How about a teddy bear that dispenses candy when you stick a fork in a wall outlet, or a race car that follows tracks of human feces ground into the carpet?

Then @Akimbo_NOT said

    # Yellies toy spiders: “The louder you yell, the faster they move”

So @Wayward replied

    Oh, the possibilities for nasty-nice gift giving, all cloaked in the plausible deniability of “…but but but… I only wanted to give Little Darling the must-have toy of the year!”

After which, @fnordius (Saint Fnordius) added

    So sad no one thought to add a link to Lucas the Spider.
    
    YouTube
    
    ### Lucas the Spider
    
    Follow the adventures of Lucas the Spider!

To which @pvanb replied

    I'm thinking my kids might have a stash of these I'm unaware of?

@Boundegar (Boundegar) replied

    > maybe a little electronic spider thats power source feeds off of screams of terror…
    
    Pretty sure that was a Stephen King short story.

So @ikeOnABike (Ike Dahlinger) replied

    I smell a Monsters Inc cross-promotional opportunity here…
    
    image.jpg500×600 90.3 KB

So @theophrastus (theophrastus) replied

    My father (a vindictive cuss) used to be fond of giving a drum set to the children of business associates he didn't like. Seems like a more compact modernized version of that here.

Then @gracchus (gracchus) said

    theophrastus:
    
    > My father (a vindictive cuss) used to be fond of giving a drum set to the children of business associates he didn't like. Seems like a more compact modernized version of that here.
    
    A relative once gave my young nephew a drum for his birthday. I was lucky enough to witness the horrified look on my sister's and brother-in-law's faces when the gift was unwrapped.

So @Comment_999 (BMI 45) replied

    What a fucking terrible idea!  
    Only masochists or sadists would buy these for kids.  
    Just awful.

After which, @generic_name (I prefer anonymity, thanks.) added

    Destined to overtake the drum set as the most annoying toy to give a small child.

@strangefriendbb (Rick Potthoff) replied

    Pee Wee Herman's show used to have a segment where they told the kids watching it to scream at the mention of a secret word. Pee Wee said they had the secret word because he enjoyed the thought of kids screaming early in the morning, waking everyone up.

So @Boundegar (Boundegar) replied

    I just realized my cat works on the same principle. The louder I scream, the faster she moves.

So @mcolleen206 (Monica Norton) replied

    Now, the Evil Genius thing to do is to use it to your advantage. Teach your child that being loud makes the spider run after them, then the next time they're being too noisy, “Do I hear the pitter patter of spider feet coming this way?”

Then @Jorpho (Jorpho) said

    This was circulating for a while.

To which @Wayward replied

    NOOOOOOO!!!  
    Too many circles of hell included in that abomination.

So @Gyrofrog replied

    I'd figured out “Let It Go” and was playing it on the kids' recorders, sans book. But then, I'm the kind of parent that might buy Yellies. (Caveat: the pendulum swings both ways and on a different day, e.g. Dec. 26th, I'm as likely to crush Yellies underfooot)

After which, @Rusty_Blazenhoff (Rusty Blazenhoff) added

    

After which, @MeekTheGeek (Michael Chernoff) added

    The level of misanthropic “magnificent bastardry” that goes into marketing and getting rich off of selling these things is awesom (you magnificent bastard I salute you).
    
    If the child of my intended parent/target/victim was a screamer and +/- into spiders, my wife and i would be totally sending one to her kid
    
    As it is i'm still sticking to a modified wiggles guitar with added distortion, and a feature that makes it go off randomly at full volume between 1:40 & 3:15 AM

To which @MeekTheGeek (Michael Chernoff) replied

    But i love spiders

After which, @sosumi added

    Back when I was the official toy assembler for the family, I discovered that a bit of disassembly was usually needed first in order to remove any noise-making components.
    
    ETA pro tip: epoxy lengths of inner tube to Big Wheel tires to muffle the god-awful sound of one being ridden around in circles on the paved driveway (which just happens to be under your bedroom window) at too-early-on-a-weekend-morning o'clock.

To which @VoxInSpatium (Voice In The Distance) replied

    anotherone:
    
    > The perfect toy for an aunt or uncle to gift their favorite siblings children.
    
    Yes, when the store is sold out of drum kits, at least.

So @Melz2 replied

    The yelling aspect would get annoying quickly, but the product design is cute:
    
    I'm so glad my kid has hit that age where's she too ‘grown' for stuff like this, but then again, **_I'm_** the kind of parent who takes the battery out of the loud, irritating toys which other people insist on giving as gifts.

After which, @Bonivus_elderheart (Bonivus Elderheart) added

    Grandparents, too.

@Shuck (Shuck) replied

    > her son was scared of the toy and that it actually fed off her kid's “screams of terror”
    
    I was thinking that clearly the designer of this was not only _not_ a parent, but clearly _hates_ parents and was setting out to torture them, but obviously they hate kids, too.

So @DukeTrout (Jay) replied

    gracchus:
    
    > A relative once gave my young nephew a drum for his birthday. I was lucky enough to witness the horrified look on my sister's and brother-in-law's faces when the gift was unwrapped.
    
    Hold my Aunt's beer. She gave me one of these when I was 7ish:

To which @Deborah_Caruso (Deborah Caruso) replied

    I dunno, seems like there's something missing. In my exprience, first they scream, then they wack the spider - so the spider needs a proper smoosh noise.

To which @Bobo (Bobo the talking chimp) replied

    Just a fair warning:
    
    Girlchild is the target age for this product and would love it to bits. Something that you get to follow you by being a loud spaz? Heaven!
    
    If any of you sick bastards get one for her, or even show a commercial to her, I will infect a horde of raccoons with nasty diseases, and throw them over the shower door while you're attending to your cleaning rituals.
    
    This product is 9000 degrees of parental pain.

After which, @Melizmatic added

    No power source, and the _toy won't work._
    
    Of course, that probably won't stop a kid from yelling at it like a maniac, trying to activate it…

To which @Bobo (Bobo the talking chimp) replied

    Certainly wouldn't stop mine from dianajohnson@example.net. Until the point that her 7yr old brain realizes that it's out of juice, then heads into the garage for a screwdriver to get into the battery case.
    
    (the whole screwing the battery case shut to keep kids out thing is something I've never really understood as kids toys universally use tiny screws to fasten the battery case, supposedly to keep kids away from batteries. Yet, another common set of toys is the “fake tools” variety which essentially trains them how to use cartoony versions of hand tools…)

@Melizmatic replied

    I'm also not above cutting wires and other toy sabotage.

Then @Bobo (Bobo the talking chimp) said

    Ah, the old “clear fingernail polish over the battery terminal” trick… (when kids learn how to replace batteries).
    
    "I'm sorry honey, if those are new batteries, I guess the talking Dora guitar that your uncle gave to you is broken  "

So @mcolleen206 (Monica Norton) replied

    You know what is needed (and probably exists but I'm feeling lazy), if a Youtube channel full of helpful parent toy modification tips like this.

After which, @Gyrofrog added

    Bobo:
    
    > the talking Dora guitar
    
    Shouldn't that be _yelling_ Dora guitar? I've never known Dora to use her inside voice.
    
    (EDIT: I think I first heard that hear on the BBS)

Then @system (system) said

    This topic was automatically closed after 5 days. New replies are no longer allowed.


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