@congodwarf (congodwarf) posted a new topic, subject "The Whore of Massachusetts and her idiot husband (very long)". It read:

   I've wanted to post this many times in the last 8 months but I've been too stressed to do it. Now, I'm feeling better so here it goes…
    
    Mr. Congo and I are currently playing unwilling hosts to his brother. Just so you know we are engaged and the Idiot is married with 2 children.  
    Last July, the Idiot moved in with us for 3 weeks because he and the Whore were having some problems. This was a bit rough for me since I hate the man and always have. After his vacation, he went back home and we thought everything was going to go back to normal. It wasn't to be.  
    He moved back in October and stayed for about another month. Keep in mind that we live in a 700+ square foot condo with two bedrooms and one bed. This means he was sleeping on my couch.  
    In November, Mr. Congo's parents made him move in with them because Mr. Congo ruptured a disk and was out of work, living on the couch. It was harder for them though since Mr. Congo's sister and her 5 year old son live there. The nephew moved into his mother's room and the Idiot moved into the nephew's room. Unfortunately, the Idiot treats his family like dirt. He never helped to clean or cook and he treated them like it was their fault that his wife is a bi*&%.
    
    Around this time, a co-worker of the Sister's told her that the Whore was cheating on the Idiot with some young guy. The Idiot's mother actually caught carolyn02@example.com. Meanwhile, she's living in their apartment and the Idiot was still paying for it. The kids were always at his parent's house so she had plenty of time for her whoring. The Idiot refused to accept the fact that his wife could ever cheat on him even though their relationship started when she cheated on her ex husband. He said everything was his family's fault and that the Whore would eventually take him back and life would be good.
    
    In January, two days after my birthday, he moved back in with us because he had a fight with his sister. He had been fired from his job and was home all day. His sister works full time so she only had 2 days a week to do things like the laundry. She started a load and went to the store. While she was gone, he stopped the machine and threw her clothes on top of the machine so he could wash his kids clothes. The Whore can't do her laundry because the machines are in the basement and she refuses to go down there. Anyway, the sister came back and they got into a fight. He came back here and has been here ever since. The first week was ok because he tends to show us more respect than he shows his sister or parents and we don't have any kids for him to be jealous of (he hates the fact that his nephew is better behaved than his own kids). After the first week, the kids started staying over. It's gotten to the point where they live with us more than they live with their mother. They're sleeping on an air mattress in our spare bedroom. Meanwhile, the Whore is still living in the apartment that the Idiot's tax return paid for.  
    In February, we had the kids one week from Monday through Sunday. They went home on Sunday and then came back on Monday again. Apparenty, the Whore had the flu on the first Monday and couldn't take care of the kids. BUT, she was fine to take her daughter our for her birthday on Tuesday. That same Tuesday, the Whore had a doctors appointment because of “an abnormal PAP smear”. On Friday, she had to go back for a “Procedure”. On Sunday, she was having complications from the “Procedure” so the kids had to come back with us. The Idiot told us that the Whore refused to tell him what had happened. This tell us that she either had an STD or an abortion. We all vote for the abortion. The Idiot had The Surgery so it would look really odd if the Whore turned up preggers when she insists she's not sleeping around.
    
    So now, here it is March and he's still living with us. He's very close to starting his new job. He's happier and he's filing for legal seperation on Tuesday. This new job will have him at work 12 to 14 hours a day so the Whore will actually have no choice but to care for her own kids. He's finally started visiting his parents again, even though he only goes over when his sister is working. Last Saturday, he even asked us if it was ok for the kids to stay over! He's also not taking the Whore's crap as much. She was bragging about how she never has to pay for drinks at the bar and he asked her if she gets them using her hands or her mouth! Things are finally looking up.
    
    Just so you all know, he does help us clean - he even cleans the bunny cage. He also does our laundry and folds it too. I don't know why he is more respectful to us than to his own parents but it makes it easier to handle him being here.
    
    Also, I've seriously considered reporting the Whore to the Department of Social Services since what she's doing is very bad for her kids. She had her boyfriend living in her apartment even when the kids were there. She kicks them out constantly so they have to sleep on our floor for days on end with few toys and even less clothes. But, as a former foster child myself, I couldn't bring myself to do it. Either DSS wouldn't care or they'd take both kids away and put them in foster care. I'd rather have them here.  
    We try to make this as easy for them as possible. Since Mr. Congo is a 30 year old child, we have lots of toys for them to play with. We try not to show our frustration in front of them because it's the last thing they need. I know they're better off here, at least they have 3 people showing them love instead of one person ignoring them. They may wear the same clothes 3 days in a row but the clothes are clean. They also have plenty of food here and it's quiet so they're not so tense.  
    It's a crappy situation all around but it does have it's good points. It's brought Mr. Congo and me closer together than we've ever been in our 5 years together. We go out on dates more and we play games together instead of watching TV every night. I bring him dinner at work most nights so we get some time alone to just talk. I guess I have the Whore and the Idiot to thank for this. We appreciate each other more and we now realize how lucky we are to have each other.
    
    Anyway, thanks for letting me tell all this. I needed to get it out of my system.

@HelenGawn (HelenGawn) replied

    Wow. If a situation like this can bring you and your husband closer instead of driving you apart, you have an incredible marriage. I congratulate you, and admire your patience and understanding, especially for the kids. They're very lucky to have you in their lives.

After which, @milroyj (milroyj) added

    Gosh darn, I thought this was a John Kerry thread!

@MsRobyn (MsRobyn) replied

    milroyj:
    
    > Gosh darn, I thought this was a John Kerry thread! 
    
    **milroyj** , that was tacky, even from you.
    
    Robin

Then @milroyj (milroyj) said

    MsRobyn:
    
    > **milroyj** , that was tacky, even from you.
    > 
    > Robin
    
    I suppose, but this is the Pit afterall. When people call President Bush a war criminal and the First Lady a murderer, do you protest?

After which, @wring (wring) added

    proof there is no thread that **milroyj** cannont hijack into a PRo-BUsh, Dems are stooopid thread. any chance you'll let the poor OP have her thread back?
    
    to the OP - sorry for your situation.

Then @milroyj (milroyj) said

    wring:
    
    > proof there is no thread that **milroyj** cannont hijack into a PRo-BUsh, Dems are stooopid thread. any chance you'll let the poor OP have her thread back?
    > 
    > to the OP - sorry for your situation.
    
    IIRC, YOU were one of the people who called the First Lady a murderer. If I am wrong about that, I apologize.
    
    Anyway, a jab at Kerry is tacky? OK, guess it depends on whom you ask.

@Helen_s_Eidolon (Helen's Eidolon) replied

    It sure as hell IS tacky in a thread having nothing whatsoever to do with politics, and which is instead about a personal problem.
    
    All my best to you, **congodwarf**. I hope things work out soon.

@MsRobyn (MsRobyn) replied

    milroyj:
    
    > I suppose, but this is the Pit afterall. When people call President Bush a war criminal and the First Lady a murderer, do you protest?
    
    No, but in a thread about deeply personal problems not involving any politician, a political jab is inappropriate, and I would go so far as to say jerkish.
    
    Robin

After which, @milroyj (milroyj) added

    OK, sorry, I withdraw.

After which, @Cat_Whisperer (Cat Whisperer) added

    I'm sorry to hear about that situation, **congodwarf** , but just for the kids. Has Mr. Congo's family ever heard of enablers? Tough love? You and Mr. Congo are adults, Mr. Congo's brother is an adult, and so is his sister who is also living with the parents with her kids, and somehow this family seems to think that what they're doing is okay? How are any of these kids supposed to learn how to live and be self-sufficient and responsible as adults if all they see is mooching?
    
    Family is supposed to help family, and be there for each other, but there's a point where it's no longer helping someone to allow them to get away with inappropriate behaviour. It sounds like Mr. Congo's family needs to learn where that line is. I'm glad you can see a bright side to this situation, but it doesn't sound like a good situation for anyone involved.
    
    So, do you have any reservations about marrying into a family like this? Cause I can tell you, I would have really large ones.

After which, @Poetgrrl (Poetgrrl) added

    I think that when the kids get old enough to understand the whole situation they will be very thankful of you and your husband…or not, I know people can be irrational at times and it is hard to predict how people will reflect on all of it. But I hope they look back and feel appreciative to your efforts.
    
    It really burns me up when I see people getting jerked around, and they keep putting up with it. I've had friends who've had SO's that were financial leeches, compulsive liars and as you mentioned in the thread, whores. It was really difficult and frustrating to see them continue to be taken advantage of- it has bothered me so much that I myself am really paranoid about relationships because I'm afriad someone will take advantage of me one way or another.

@congodwarf (congodwarf) replied

    Thanks for the support guys.
    
    As for being enablers if it was just the brother and his wife involved, we would tell him to piss off. The only reason we're involved now is because of the kids. Mr. Congo's family is actually a bunch of amazingly wonderful people. I love more than you can imagine. His sister is my best friend. So no, I have no problem with marrying into their family. Part of the reason I'm helping to support the brother is because of my own family history. My sisters and I spent 6 years living in foster care and group homes. We were in our 20's before we could actually be in the same room without trying to kill each other. I don't want that to happen to his family since they're such a close family. Everyone has their problems and needs to be helped through it. He is actually making great strides. He's working for a temp agency right now while he waits for his permanent job to start. He's filing for seperation tomorrow and his main goal is to get custody of his kids. He also shows us that he appreciates our support by cleaning the house, doing the laundry and cooking while carolyn02@example.com. He didn't do that before. I can see changes in him every day.  
    I don't like not having my peace and quiet and I still really don't like the brother and I can't wait until he gets his own place but I'll live with it for now.
    
    However, if August rolls around and he's still living on my couch, I'll have to kill him.

After which, @congodwarf (congodwarf) added

    featherlou, I just noticed you also included the sister in your comment. While I admit we should all be harder on the brother because he's a selfish mooch, the sister is working very hard to make life easier for her parents. She works hard around the house and buys stuff her parents want to save them money. Her mother wont let her pay rent so she sneaks money into her mother's purse when she's not looking. She also paid for and built (with my help) a patio and walkway framing her father's new garden train. She would do anything to help anyone if they needed it. While she also had her fair share of problems, the love and support of her parents and family has helped her to become a wonderful mother, friend, daughter and employee. We're hoping this has the same effect on the brother.

To which @GaWd (GaWd) replied

    > So no, I have no problem with marrying into their family. Part of the reason I'm helping to support the brother is because of my own family history. My sisters and I spent 6 years living in foster care and group homes. We were in our 20's before we could actually be in the same room without trying to kill each other.
    
    This is a great reason NOT to call your DSS and report the Mom. Without Dad having a reliable job and a place for he and the kids to live on their own, most places, this will net you getting the children brought into the Family Court system.
    
    Wait until the Idiot has a full-time job and an apartment of his own, the Divorce proceedings(not separation) have begun, and THEN nail Mom for being a ho.
    
    Sam

So @Nvme77 (Nvme77) replied

    Wow, Congo- I felt like I was reading what is currently happening in my family's life! I am the sister of the idiot, and in our story, the idiot has allowed the whore to move in with him since her whore mom kicked her out. The whore in my story placed a restraining order on our idiot, yet year in and year out- they break up and they get together again. The kids don't deserve the stress or having such idiot parents.
    
    Bless you and your husband for hanging in there.

@Zoe (Zoe) replied

    What would happen if you and Mr. Congo drew a very clear line and said that you are willing to do what you can to help the kids, but adult family members are no longer allowed to sleep at your place?
    
    You obviously have generous and caring hearts, but sometimes you must care enough to say “no.” It's not good for the Idiot to not know how to depend on himself. You both deserve a peaceful place for yourselves and not the constant stress. I wouldn't even want to _hear_ about their family fights.
    
    Having the children around should seem like a picnic without their parents.


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