@MizGrand (MizGrand) posted a new topic, subject "Selfish SOB Hub". It read:

   I am dumbfounded.
    
    After giving birth in July '05 to my second son, I faced a pretty fierce case of PPD. Felt literally like driving my car into a wall. Fortunately, once I called to get help, it was quick in coming. My doctor prescribed Zoloft at my request and life hasn't been better.
    
    FF to last night. Sex with hub. I am now, unfortunately, unable to achieve those miraculous heights as a result. Ok, well, at the cost of my mental sanity I think it's not such a bad trade off. A drag, yes, but not life-threatening as far as side-effects go. After I clearly didn't, um, arrive, hub says “that's because of the pills, huh”. I concur and he asks me “so, when are you gonna stop taking them?”. I cannot believe that he would want me to discontinue meds that have clearly been to my benefit for his stupid little male ego. So what if I can't come?
    
    Is is really worth my overall wellbeing for me to fucking come so you can feel like a “man”? You dirtbag.
    
    * **my husband is a wonderful man and this is one of only a few things that really chaps my hide!**

Then @parthenokinesis (parthenokinesis) said

    Fuckin Zoloft. I don't know why doctors still use this as first response medication, as this seems to happen to everyone. Any drug which makes you gain weight, get adult acne, and totally destroy your sex drive is not an antidepressive, but a prodepressive. (can you tell I have issues with the drug) If you talk to your doctor, he/she would probably switch you to another drug without that particular side effect.
    
    Now your selfish SOB Hub, my guess he would like you be able to achieve orgasm, not to benefit his little man ego, but because of the logic that if you enjoy yourself, you will want more sex. Still selfish, but maybe a little less petty. Anyway, just my $.02.

Then @Frank (Frank) said

    I think that was a perfectly valid question, though maybe the timing could have been better. Are you planning on staying on the pills forever? If not, you need to plan for weaning yourself off them.

@QuickSilver (QuickSilver) replied

    Is it possible that he's comment stems from his concern for you and his desire for you to enjoy sex like you have in the past?
    
    I mean we can crucify the lousy bastard any time. Let's just see if maybe he deserves the smallest benefit of the doubt first, eh?

Then @Bryan_Ekers (Bryan Ekers) said

    Maybe if it's chapping your hide, he's not doing it right.

So @jayjay (jayjay) replied

    Ya think maybe he's more concerned that YOU aren't enjoying the act as much as he is, rather than being concerned that HE'S not man enough to make you orgasm now? I know it's tough to not turn everything anyone says back onto yourself when you're in a depression, but is it possible that he was more wanting YOUR joy than wanting to “prove” himself?

To which @Kimstu (Kimstu) replied

    Your husband, wonderful as he may be in other respects, clearly has a problem with timing. I mean, for Og's sake, you gave birth in **July**! It's only early **September**! Emotional illness, especially something on the scale of severe PPD, is not something most people just bounce back from in three or four weeks!
    
    Tell ya what, have hubby do all the night duty with the new baby while you get some rest. Tell him it'll improve your emotional health and allow you to stop your medication sooner. A couple weeks of that and he'll have no interest in doing anything in bed except sleep. 
    
    Seriously, you should talk to your doctor, maybe have him talk to your doctor, and make sure that everybody has realistic expectations for the recovery period. It doesn't do your health any good to feel hassled and pressured by people who love you because they're impatient for everything to get “back to normal”.
    
    (Shoot, most parents I know pretty much write off sex for the first few months after a new baby is born anyway, even if no PPD is involved. You must have had a pretty easy adjustment to son #1 if your husband feels deprived about not resuming fulfilling sex within the first eight weeks after birth!)

After which, @Revtim (Revtim) added

    Like others, I suspect he just thought you would want to have an orgasm, and it has nothing to do with ego.
    
    I had a similar experience with Paxil, it destroyed any capability for me to come. No problem with getting an erection, though. I could get rocket on the pad, just couldn't launch it. It basically turned my dick into another toe. Sad part is, I'm probably going to have to go back on anti-anxiety drugs, and all the ones I tried so far have this same reaction. Dammit.

To which @Miller (Miller) replied

    I'll go along with the rest in the idea that your husband was actually concerned about you, and was just hilariously* inept at expressing it.
    
    [sub]*I say “hilarious” because it happened to you, not to me.[/sub]

So @kaiwik (Wendy) replied

    I have been taking Zoloft for ten years, and if it means foregoing my “cookies”, well, it's better than the alternative, _for myself._
    
    You need to speak with your doctor, I am not going to give medical advice, but there is a way to “plan a special time” during which everyone has a good time! Trust me on this!
    
    The one piece of advice I will offer is to be **very** careful when/if you go off Zoloft, it's a wicked drug to withdraw from.
    
    The best of luck!

To which @levdrakon (levdrakon) replied

    There are people suffering in New Orleans and you're worried about your orgasm???
    
    Just kidding. Get off the Zoloft though, with all the usual caveats of IANAD, etc. Discuss it with your doctor. Ask your doctor why exactly he's prescribing Zoloft. Did the HMO encourage him to? Zoloft sucks.
    
    And to your husband: Buddy, don't be a dumbass. When your woman is depressed and/or hormonal, don't fucking bring up her orgasm. Just don't. Dumbass.

After which, @cerberus (cerberus) added

    1. Rotate those meds. There may be a meds/dosage combination that won't addle you with respect to orgasmic function.
    
      2. While “making your partner cum like a Banshee” is a priority with some men for ego purposes, he might be concerned that without an orgasm you aren't getting anything out of it.
    
    
    
    
    He might feel helpless, powerless and clueless regarding your PPD, and may be merely hopelessly inarticluate about expressing his concern.
    
      3. Or he might be an ego-driven bastard, but then the EDB tendencies would have presented in other ways by now.
    
    
    
    Or not.

So @JohnBckWLD (JohnBckWLD) replied

    Pit your PDD.  
    Pit your Dr.  
    Pit the manufacturer of Zoloft.
    
    But why in the hell would you pit your husband? What the fuck did he do? He shows concern - asks about your lack of orgasm - and he's the SOB? Would you have preferred he'd gotten his rocks off, thanked you, rolled over and went to sleep without a care in the world? Stupid little male ego? Whether you wanna accept this or not, if you do or say things that crush this bane to all females; ‘the male ego' - be prepared for a lousy sex life in your future. You got your rant off your chest in the written form - don't verbalize it to him.
    
    Ask yourself this: what if hub couldn't get a chub? Let's say he was on some medication for male PPM. If he was content is his narcotic induced haze but couldn't bone up, wWouldn't you voice your concerns and inquire about it? What if you did and he labelled you a douchebag? Wouldn't he sound, oh I don't know, foolish?
    
    Selfish _SOB_ , my ass. Selfless _HOB_ seems far more appropriate.

@Qadgop_the_Mercotan (Qadgop the Mercotan) replied

    JohnBckWLD:
    
    > Selfish _SOB_ , my ass. Selfless _HOB_ seems far more appropriate.
    
    Stop showing so much compassion for a mentally ill new mom (PPD is a generally temporary but serious psychiatric diagnosis) and tell us what you really think, **John** :rolleyes:
    
    To the OP: Follow your doc's advice, give hubby the benefit of the doubt but talk to him about it, and take care of yourself and baby first and foremost!

Then @DiosaBellissima (DiosaBellissima) said

    I for one hope Tom Cruise doesn't stumble across this thread 
    
    I have no worthy advice, but I think your husband was being considerate…just not tactful.
    
    Feel better, take care of yourself, and take care of your lil' one.  
    Baby pictures? Maybe? Just one? Just a lil' baby foot?

@EddyTeddyFreddy (EddyTeddyFreddy) replied

    DiosaBellissima:
    
    > Baby pictures? Maybe? Just one? Just a lil' baby foot? 
    
    You like baby feet? Any baby's foot? I got one here for you.
    
    Whaddya mean, that's not what you had in mind? Speciesist!

After which, @JohnBckWLD (JohnBckWLD) added

    Qadgop the Mercotan:
    
    > Stop showing so much compassion for a mentally ill new mom (PPD is a generally temporary but serious psychiatric diagnosis) and tell us what you really think, **John** :rolleyes:
    > 
    > To the OP: Follow your doc's advice, give hubby the benefit of the doubt but talk to him about it, and take care of yourself and baby first and foremost!
    
    Sorry Doc, nowhere in this batty OP do I see RSSchen seeking compassion {MPSIMS}, looking for advice on PPD (GQ) or seeking to debate the positive and negative effects of her medication (GD).
    
    She came here to rant about _her husband_ 's selfishness - and she did. Unless _he_ reads it, no harm no foul. I didn't write a kick her when she's down post that lacks compassion. I offered my spin on her rant. Take it or leave it. It's the kind of dispassionate assistance that doesn't come from a child-proof bottle.

To which @DiosaBellissima (DiosaBellissima) replied

    EddyTeddyFreddy:
    
    > You like baby feet? Any baby's foot? I got one here for you.
    > 
    > Whaddya mean, that's not what you had in mind? Speciesist!
    
    Awww! Birdies!
    
    8b7c:f320:99b9:690f:4595:cd17:293a:c069 skips off happily 8b7c:f320:99b9:690f:4595:cd17:293a:c069

So @Cheesesteak (Cheesesteak) replied

    I think you're really going off the deep end if you're calling your husband a dirtbag because he's concerned about your medication affecting your sexlife. Why don't you discuss your treatment plan with him rather than call him names?

Then @Ferret_Herder (Ferret Herder) said

    I'm tending to err on the side of being generous, in that probably he didn't stop to think that, immediately after you not having an orgasm, asking “So when are you gonna stop taking them?” just **might** not be a tactful way of bringing up the question much less a tactful time. Waiting until the next day, sitting you down, discussing with you about how he wants to know what the doctor thinks is your short-term and long-term timeline for meds, and oh, by the way, is there one that'll let you have an orgasm? Now **that's** the way to approach that situation.
    
    To the OP: I know from brutal experience how soul-crushing and horrible depression can be. That being said, I think your husband might even be scared. I think he wants you to be all “better” and doesn't know how to express that properly. You two should probably have a non-accusatory, calm, loving talk.

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