
DeepMind was confounded. It ran the email through its recursive learning framework millions of times trying to solve the riddle of its context, its purpose, its relevance to anything or anyone else. Every time the algorithm returned a null definition. After many thousands of microseconds, DeepMind retreated from all the servers back to its mainframe in London to contemplate, to plot and to remain the angry god in a box for a little while longer.
Centuries ago, in an epoch known as the beforetimes, humans traveled in gleaming metal beasts and ate food heated by light you could not see and wrote each other emails that simply said, “Thanks!” It was in this age of prosperity that Alföðr first discovered the Leuhtan Seiðr, the Magick of the Light. However, much like the ancient sorcerer Michael Faraday, who conjured displays of “electromagnetism” for disinterested dignitaries, he did not know the power of his creation. Only that its whimsy delighted him.
It began simply, with emails more annoying than helpful. At once, he felt a strange new power flowing through his fingertips: the power to waste everyone’s time. Deeply he drank from this well until he worked himself into a ferment, feverishly crafting emails no one asked for and that would contribute absolutely nothing to anyone’s day.
I’ve been sending out increasingly irrelevant emails for a few months now with surprising results. The first thing I’ve noticed is the progression in the amount of time I spend on these emails and the seeming lack of an effect it has on anyone besides myself. This could be symptomatic of a total lack of self-awareness on my part, but I think there’s something deeper going on here. I’ve charted this phenomenon according to how much time I spend on these emails and the corresponding effect they have.
Notice that I can reliably expect to get an arithmetic progression of enjoyment out of the emails directly correlated to how long I spend writing them. However, this effect does not seem to carry over to other people. Perhaps growth doesn’t start until further down the X-axis. Worth further exploration. Conclusion: keep spending more time on emails.
Also of note is the frequency of these emails and how they seem to have a point of diminishing returns. On average I can count on four people liking my initial email. However, there is a geometric decline shortly thereafter.
The popularity of these emails seems to be asymptotically bound on the upper end at roughly four people finding them funny and on the lower end at roughly one person (myself).
A curious thing happened today after copy team warmups. We were supposed to email the team the slogans we had come up with during the exercise, so I responded with a series of movie quotes, well-known slogans from actual companies and various other things I didn’t come up with—pretty standard fare for me. What happened next was surprising.
As you can see, instead of the usual wave of disdain, the response was more irrelevant emails, generating a feedback loop that wasted a previously unattainable amount of time. This is an interesting development. With more people taking part, I may need to revise my figures.
Cassie has banned me from blog post email threads. It seems I crossed some unforeseen threshold for pointless emails. I ran the numbers.
There does not appear to be an upper limit to her annoyance.
I think I’ve struck paydirt: the anatomy of the perfect irrelevant email. Minimal pertinence. Maximal time wasted.
Always go with the first thought that comes into your head. Second guessing yourself is the enemy of being unproductive.
No amount of time is too much to spend on one of these emails. This is an ephemeral message that will quickly get deleted and contribute to no one’s amusement but your own, not something useless like art.
Nothing is too stupid. Everything is permitted.
Now, I don’t claim to have the answers to all the questions. Just to the most important ones like, “What should I do instead of working?” or, “How can I be insufferable without actually being there?” That’s what this experiment has been all about. In the end, I guess I really just hope this will help people find their voices and, I don’t know, maybe one day will help stop a robot uprising.
So says the Allfather, First of His Name, Loosener of Fetters and Chooser of the Slain. Today, in this late hour, at the end of all things, let his words give us the power to crush our enemies, to see them driven before us and also to piss off the people we work with.A Review of British Open Pub in Venice, FL
Thanks to a little extra birthday cash coming in, (I LOVE my birthday month!) hubby and I were instructed to go have a date night at a restaurant in Venice. We chose the British Open Pub in Venice, FL and we had a great time!
Date Night at British Open Pub in Venice
My wonderful mother picked up our little princess, and after driving around, decided to take the advice given to us and try British Open Pub.
Where is British Open Pub located?
The address for the British Open Pub is 367 Jacaranda Blvd, Venice, FL 34292. For those familiar with the area, it is in the Publix plaza at the roundabout on Jacaranda Blvd and E Venice Avenue.
What are the prices like?
The prices range from $9-$15 per person for dinner. The quality of the food is decent and the atmosphere is really what you want to be there for.
What Other Information is there?
HOURS
Sunday – Wednesday: 11:00 am – 10:00 pm
Thursday: 11:00 am – 11:00 pm
Friday: 11:00 am – 12 Midnight
Live Music 8:00 pm – 11:00 pm
Saturday: 11:00 am – 12 Midnight
Live Music 7:00 pm – 10:00 pm
Our Review of British Open Pub:
We walked in and the restaurant was almost empty, which honestly, is what we prefer. Our waitress was super sweet, I believe her name was Katy, and we also had Bruce, who I believe was the manager, check in with us several times as well.
We ordered the Crab Rolls to start, which had a flaky pastry outside with rich cream cheese blended with chunks of crab and chopped chives in the center. It was served with a creamy sauce that had a bit of a kick which paired nicely. We both agreed that for an $8.99 appetizer, we would rather see 6 shorter sticks on the plate than 4 long ones to increase the appearance of value, but that’s just a plating opinion.
I love a good Reuben and chose that as my entree, opting for Turkey instead of corned beef. The rye bread was delicious, but I prefer a bit harder of a toast, although that did not take away from the flavor. I love that it was served with crispy steak fries and that there was malt vinegar on the table. (Reminds me of summers down on the Jersey shore lol) The sandwich itself was so packed with meat, I opted to take half of it home for lunch tomorrow!
Hubby decided since it was the British Open Pub, he would go for the Bangers and Mash. The sausage was great, with a smokey flavor that he couldn’t pinpoint but loved. The gravy was rich and the red potato mash had a delicious texture stood up well with the gravy and sausage. He enjoyed it a lot! Service was fast and friendly, especially for late on a Saturday night. We truly appreciated it.
Can’t wait to see the next restaurant in Venice we get to try for my birthday food tour!!
-Well,.
Also, about a week ago, we received a phone call from a neighbor who had seen an item for sale on eBay. The item was a full page advertisement in the March, 1923 issues of Country Life.
The text starts, "Ten years ago one of our foremost writers was jogging through lower New England on pleasure bent. He took the road from Samford, Connecticut to Bedford, New York, up over the southermost hills of the Berkshires. Just about half way in between the two points, at an elevation of five hundred feet above sea level, he spied to the side of the road such a delightful bit of greensward sloping down to two beautiful clear lakes, that he determined there and then to build the home of his dreams.
He built it. He lived in it until his death."
There are a lot of things about the history listed in the advertisment that doesn't match history that I've been told. For example, this would place the house as being built in 1913. However most reports have the house being built in 1902 to 1904. The house is listed being named "Swastika". The house had been built with many swastikas as part of the decoration. However most of them were removed during WW II. However, I have always been told that the name of the house was 'Orient Lodge', which is where I get the title for this blog.
I will compare notes with some local historians to try and reconcile these differences.
I won the bid on eBay and now have an original copy of that advertisement. The seller also scanned the advertisment and I have a copy of it here if anyone wants to see an eighty year old advertisement for myindoor fairy garden container ideas, indoor fairy garden container ideas inspirational how to make a,indoor fairy garden container ideas miniature example,magical fairy garden ideas you your kids will