 but by the time I leave, I finally feel like I can breathe. I get into the car with Noah and joke about robbing banks. We laugh about that and I notice I have shifted back. I’m using my “normal voice” with Noah because I’m relaxed. But with Jennifer, I used my high register, nothing-but-professional voice. In other words... my white voice.
I learned how to use my white voice from my mother. Mary was all professional when taking care of business on the phone. I could hear her in the next room sorting out a phone bill flub and using such a high register, I had to do a double take. Who is that talking? Not my mother. My mother was born and bred in Arkansas and uses African American Vernacular English (AAVE) with her family and other blacks. But when she wanted to be taken seriously, she shifted.
I learned to shift too. At an early age, I knew not to say “ain’t.” I grew up not telling a white friend things like: “I’m tired of foolin’ with Debbie, she’s so triflin’.” I knew in order to be taken seriously, I had to pronounce all of my “ing’s.”
I learned to go along to get along.
Shifting: The Double Lives of Black Women in America finally put a name to the performance I was forced to keep up all my life. Authors Charisse Jones and Kumea Shorter-Gooden unveils the balancing that black women in America do everyday in their professional and personal lives. Through a vast survey, Jones and Shorter-Gooden interviewed black women all over the country, all ages and socioeconomics backgrounds and found some startling and validating results.
I learned that black women have many myths to defy. High on the list were these:
- We are always strong. We are apparently very solid and stable and we can handle anything that comes our way because we have to. We have God and family. We are not tired or depressed by this at all.
- We are full of attitude. It’s difficult to deal with black women because we’re hot-headed and mouthy.
- We are promiscuous. We are very sexual being, known to be loose and cavalier with partners. Which would explain all of the babies we have out of wed-lock. The opposite of this myth is our asexuality based on old fashioned Mammy characters of slavery narratives.
- We are incompetent. Black women are not educated and can’t be trusted to do the simplest of tasks like find jobs, raise children, ect. A black woman’s manner of speech is obviously evidence of this.
- We are criminals. In the welfare and out-right shoplifting sense. That’s why we should be followed around department stores.
The constant vigilance to debunk these myths is exhausting. Jones and Shorter-Gooden write that because black women are always trying their best to assimilate in white culture, it’s wreaking havoc on our mental and physical health. This stress leaves us feeling depressed and anxious, but unable to share our feeling because we’re too strong for that. This stress leads to physical ailments like heart disease, diabetes or insomnia. But we shrug them off and keep moving because these are simply ailments that generally effect the black race anyway. We learn to live with it.
I worry about this sort of thing at least once a day. Everyday perceptions of other people effect me greatly, even though I’d like to think they don’t. I watch the way I dress when I go out. Nothing too revealing or youngish or over-ethnic. I’m careful about the words I choose when I’m trying to take care of business, just like my mother. I try not to talk about race relations when I’m around certain whites. If I’m forced to, I’m very vague and indifferent.
Shifting reveals that all black women are unpaid and unappreciated ambassadors of their whole race. Few other groups in America are under such pressure. The stories told in this book are so alive with emotion, I found myself nodding in agreement to almost all of them. These were candid stories that I had already lived. I knew what it was like to propositioned by white men (and black men) I didn’t know solely on the basis that I was black, female and obviously ready for sex. To them, it was widely known fact, perpetuated by media and history. It’s just one of many myth, I have to fight tirelessly against.
All throughout my college career I had doubts of my own intelligence because I was taught that I would have to work doubly hard to be seen as smart and professional. When professors told me I was “so unique.” I was instantly suspicious. Was I special because I wasn’t like the black woman image they had in their minds? Was I so eloquent because they never met black women who spoke the King’s English? I doubted my work and it’s value because I believed one day, some one would find out what kind of fraud I was.
Looking over your shoulder at every turn and covering your tracks are hard things to do.
I thought I would share this book review with you because I feel like black women experience very similar issues. The sad thing is that we can’t talk about it. The fear of exposing our magic trick seems fatal. If people knew what kind “fakes” we were, it would destroy us. But, if people knew what kind of torment we lived in on a daily basis, it could save someone else’s life. Speaking up could lighten the load we feel.
I suggest you read this book if you feel like you’re under pressure from an entity you can’t name. It’s might be called Shifting, and it might be wearing you down. Talk about it with a sister.Real Madrid keen to get back injured Bale
Real Madrid are waiting on the fitness of world-record signing Gareth Bale ahead of their crunch La Liga trip to Athletic Bilbao.
The £87million Welshman has been nursing a slight calf problem and missed the 1-0 win over Espanyol in the Copa del Rey quarter-finals in midweek.
It is the latest of a number of frustrations for Bale, who has completed the 90 minutes just nine times in 30 competitive games this season.
If he fails to come through, former Academy player Jese - who stood in for Bale and scored the winner against Espanyol - could again feature.
Coach Carlo Ancelotti said: "If Bale is in the right condition, he will play.
"If he is not, then Jese may play. He's another option and he causes teams a lot of danger."
Real will travel in good form having won all of January's eight games unbeaten without conceding a goal.
Ahead of this weekend's round of games they are third in the table but just a point behind joint-leaders Barcelona and Atletico Madrid.
Fourth-placed Bilbao could provide a stern test, however, having won their last three league matches impressively.
Ernesto Valverde's men were beaten by Atletico Madrid in the Copa del Rey this week but confidence should still be high after beating Almeria, Real Valladolid and Osasuna by scorelines of 6-1, 4-2 and 5-1 respectively in La Liga.
Valverde said: "We are playing very well at the moment and doing some very good things, so I don't think this (cup loss) will cost us dearly."Miley Cyrus caused shockwaves when she married long time beau Liam Hemsworth in secret last December.
At the time the stunning bride posted a handful of pictures to mark the special occasion.
But as a way of wishing her new husband Happy Valentine’s Day she posted more adorable snaps from their Big Day.
Then there were three images of Cyrus in colour.
In one of the colour shots Miley held on to her bouquet of flowers as she stood in front of a fireplace which had flowers along the edge.
Next she opened her mouth as she danced while being photographed from above.
The last image was of the Last Song actress beaming as she looked at the photographer.
In some pics she was was seen hugging Liam after they said I do. And there was a video of her dancing at the bash.
The Wrecking Ball singer put out another snap recently on Twitter.
It was a meme featuring a photo from a 2014 performance at the 02 in Dublin, where she was laying on the hood of a car with her legs spread in the air.
Justice for Jethro, but not for Philando, Samuel, and Sylville.
I swear if someone could come up with a brilliant invention to make black men look like dogs after a traffic stop, I for one would buy one of those devices. I have been stopped a few times for no apparent reason, but I have been lucky. I am still here to type this blog post. My brothers, on the other hand, not so much.
I say this because if you are a dog and happen to meet the unfortunate fate of being shot by someone, there is a pretty good chance that your killer will be punished to the fullest extent of the law. The same can't be said for killing a black man.
Well there you have it, justice for Jethro. I for one couldn't be happier. I love dogs, and anyone who thinks it's cool to take the life of a loving animal like Jethro, deserves whatever