 kind of when we started kinda getting into not really arguing any more, having a groove and an understanding for one another, and really being able to understand each other's languages. Not just our love language but we come from way different model homes, like our homes are completely different, there's no similarities whatsoever outside of the fact that we both have our mothers. And so it was very, very difficult for us to try to figure out what our culture was gonna be without me saying, well, mom and dad did it this way, or well, mom and dad said, well, this is what mama would say, and having to get out of that and say okay, well, yeah, that's what your mom and dad did, and that works really great for them and that can be wonderful, but what will our culture be? And kind of designing that for ourselves so that our children can look and see our marriage as opposed to oh, they're just doing the same exact thing that their parents did. So it took us about, I'd say five or six years, and we're still you know learning but we haven't had an argument or a fight in several years, yeah.
Bishop Jakes: Now, Toure and Sarah, you all had a very unique experience 'cause you're a blended family so you can speak from a perspective that's very unique, talk about how that blending worked and how you all connected and how do you find time for you in the midst of the Roberts bunch? In lieu of The Brady Bunch, I call it the Roberts bunch.
Sarah Roberts: Yeah, I think blending a family was something that I wanted to be really intentional about. I'd been married before and so I knew that the dynamic between whoever's coming into the lives of my children was really, really important to me, but I also knew that we couldn't just decide like, hey, we're getting married, and then overnight expect for them to kind of gel. So once we really felt that God had brought us together and that this was something that he was gonna do and you are gonna walk out marriage and life together, I knew pretty early on that I wanted the kids to get to know one another. And because I was living in Dallas at the time, he was in Los Angeles, I flew out with my children and we all went out on dates to you know Disneyland, went to Dave & Busters, we had dinner, we all went to his apartment and like made cookies and had dinner. But I wanted them to have an opportunity to get a feel for me, I wanted to get a feel for them, right? Because I wanted to make sure that we had the same perspective on parenting, I think when you're blending of family and you're looking for someone who's gonna come into this preexisting dynamic, the married couple is really going to be the foundation of the family even if the children were there before the spouse. And so, we have to share a lot of things in common, how do you feel about X, Y, and Z? What are your thoughts on when they should date? What are your thoughts on can she wear a two-piece? I mean every little thing we kinda had to come to an agreement with before presenting it to the children, we didn't hash it out in front of the kids but we took a minute. Even if it's something going on now and maybe we share a different perspective, we kind of put a pin in it with the children, we come to our room, we got to the car, whatever, we huddle, right? And then we figure out the game plan is gonna be and who's gonna present it.
Bishop Jakes: What I really like about what you said, there were many great things but one of the things is, in essence, I'll say that you didn't say it this way but this is what it meant, you dated the kids along with dating him and I think that's very important. 'Cause a lot of people, they get married, they're into each other but they're not into the kids, you have it's a package deal and the kids need some time to adjust to who is this new person in my life? And feel respected and feel included and feel a part of all of that, and that's an amazing part of it. How was it for you, Toure?
Toure Roberts: It was the same: we were very intentional about wrapping our arms around the kids and really watching them. I think for me, because I didn't raise Malachi, Mackenzie, you know in those early years, I wanted to get to know them and to understand their ways but I was also very intentional about letting them know that you're not my step-son, you're not my step-daughter, I'm in it, I'm in it for real and I'll do whatever it takes to learn. So I was intentional about doing one-on-ones with them and really trying to understand them and learn them. And you know for us, it was just being intentional, like Sarah said.
Bishop Jakes: Now, between Dexter and Lari, you ought to have a whole lot of stories because you've been married how long?
Dexter Jakes: About seven weeks.
Bishop Jakes: Seven weeks, what have you learned in the seven weeks?
Dexter Jakes: So with us being in quarantine it's pretty much presented a pretty unique challenge for the two of us, I think our foundation will always reflect these times. So when you're around someone 24 hours and then it's a new period of time, you can either go crazy or it can really bring you all together, and a lot of ways it's really brought us together. It's kinda extended the honeymoon in some ways but it allows you to really get close and just build a foundation, especially for our communication, all of those things have increased as a byproduct of this time where we can really hone in, focus on what our real vision for our relationship is. So we may not have gotten into that rhythm but we definitely gotten to the point where we can say this is a part of our foundation and whatever we have going forward this has to be baked into the plan. So it's been very good, I don't think we've ever been better.
Bishop Jakes: Look at the grin on his face.
Cora Coleman: I can definitely agree with the statement of quarantine strengthening your communication because like you're forced to have conversations, like you're forced to find entertainment within each other that you wouldn't have normally been able to pay attention to. And I'm seeing that not just with Brandon but with my children, like I have learned a lot more about my children in this time that I did not know about; just being with them 24/7, both from a spiritual and educational place but also a behavioral place, you know? There are some things that they've needed some help on and I just have to apologize to teachers, I'm realizing, because they were not inaccurate in their sentiments towards my children, sounds like they were very accurate, as it were.
Dexter Jakes: They weren't wrong at all.
Sarah Roberts: I think, P.T. you have to speak to this I'll speak for myself though, I don't know that I feel like our communication has strengthened just because P.T. constantly makes me communicate in general, like P.T. makes people communicate, like how are you feeling like 24/7. So I think my major adjustment when we first got married was learning to communicate my feelings because he's constantly asking about how I'm feeling, what my pulse is, or what's your thoughts on this, what's your vision on that? So I don't think my communication has really strengthened but what I do think has strengthened between us during quarantine is our need to really tap into ourselves and to understand what we need as individuals and not necessarily what we need and a couple or a family. So much of our life is poured out to other people, whether it's the kids or the church or touring or the businesses, and we can kind of get distracted by that and not have to check in with ourselves. But what this is showing us, because you can't just get in the car and go on a drive without some thought and you can't just go out to dinner and go to the spa or whatever, it's really forcing us to address our own feelings, like what do you need? What are you feeling? And saying things like you know, this is really getting to me, like I thought I was doing okay but I'm actually having a little bit of anxiety today, yesterday I felt good, today I feel anxiety. Because there is no outlet right now, some of the outlets that we're used to using we just don't have. I think even for me like with the house, you know I'm cooking every single day and there's something to being able to be like, "Oh, I'm ordering food tonight", you know? We don't really order food in because, one, there's 18.000 of us and we don't know what's happening with the food, you know what I mean? You don't order food the way you used to order food. We put so much pressure on ourselves to like you know, I need to cook, I need to do that and if I don't I'm not gonna be a good wife, and like, Toure could care less, as long as there's something to eat.
Toure Roberts: Just feed me.
Larissa Jakes: He'll be okay.
Sarah Roberts: He's like, "We can order in, I'll eat hotdogs, whatever", but I'm like there needs to be this grand restaurant style meal.
Bishop Jakes: You know what