 longer be out of habit, instead I will recognize how much I love the way each part of my makeup makes me look and feel.
Making my meals will no longer be rushed and (again) out of habit, but I will acknowledge how each food will play a part in fueling my day.
I wont be distracted by this or by that. I will have a conscious thought that OKAY, I’M DOING THIS RIGHT NOW. Whatever that may be. Significant or not.
When I sit down to write, I won’t simoutanously check emails or post content for the social media accounts that I manage. I will set the intention to write and only write.
I also have a goal (for this week) to find a space in my home where I can permentantly leave my mat rolled out. Somewhere where I can notice it passing by and take even ten minutes to do something; One headstand, five minutes of breathing, one down dog to stretch the hammys or who knows maybe that will turn into 30 minutes of practice. With all of the structured intentionalness I talked about setting above, I want a space where I can be free to create.
When I journal, I want to write the words slower. Some days I just scribble something down to get something down on paper, but when I look back on those entries they don’t mean anything to me. I want to feel when I write. I don’t want to look back and feel like I’m reading something that someone else wrote. So like my new intention for my yoga practice (move like I’m moving through honey – thanks @findgingmorgantyler) I want to write like I’m writing in honey.
I want to live less out of habit and more out of intention; I can’t tell you how many times I lay down at night or am sitting at work and I just start yoga breathing (ujjayi)… You would think that’s a good thing but because I do yoga so much, it has become a simple habit. I don’t notice it until after I’m already doing it. I am not intnetionl about it and therefore it isn’t helping me accomplish anything because I didn’t intend for it to.
So here’s to being more intentional, to writing our stories in pencil (not pen), to soaking in life more & to finding a place to (always) practice yoga.
Awesome! It’s definitely okay to feel how we feel.Deborah Ordille is responsible for the loan origination department at RCN Capital and oversees the loan officers, processors, and underwriters. She has over 25 years of experience in the mortgage industry and has handled all aspects of the loan process as an originator, processor, underwriter, closer, and operations manager. Joining RCN in the fall of 2017, Ordille’s mission is to streamline the process to ensure loans close quickly and efficiently, as well as to help develop corporate and individual goals. She holds a B.S. in business administration from Stockton University.I'm sorry for everything you have been through. As a mother, I cannot imagine the pain.
Thank you for sharing your story. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
isn't it the same.....I have bottoming out- I think. I have lateral displacement.....its the same for revision anyway, isn't it????It's not the same initially, but it is for revision isn't it?? I am asking because I have some issues, and i am researching women that have had revisional problems post aug's because i am having some of the same issues...mine are behind the muscle of course, like a lot of augs now...
Last edited by survivorgirl; 04-06-2013 at 05:46 PM.
how is everything now....who was your plastic surgeon for this last surgery??
I like what all the women who posted above have said.
and I will repeat their message, Thank you for having the courage and kindness to share your story. I am very sorry for the loss of your child. And I am sorry that you have gone through this challange, you are coping with it with grace and courage.
blessings and all the best.
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Sending positive hugs your way. (((Hugs))) Life sure hands some of us more than our share.
Sad to hear a story like yours, but unfortunately that's life. Be strong from now on too...
I am so sorry for your loss of your son and what you had to go through. Glad it was dealt with promptly!!
Interestingly enough. I had a concern about one breast feeling something different on one side as opposed to the other. I had brought it up to my doctor a couple years back. He said it was extra breast tissue but ordered me a mammogram anyway just to rule anything out. Nothing came up.
Yesterday I was at my PS office for my weekly check in. He wants to see me weekly to see how progress is going. But anyway, I had brought it up about this extra breast tissue right before my revision and jokingly said if he could remove just that, it would even out my breasts more. I showed him again yesterday and he said while in surgery he didn't notice anything. But this morning he called me and seemed concerned about it and said it was rather prominent so he wants me to go in for an ultrasound. He thinks it's getting bigger but I sort of think it make be more noticeable because the bigger implant is pushing it out more.
You are right, it is good to get checked out, even the small things!!! It's much better to catch it early rather then too late.
 I went through a similar situation with double mastectomy and nipples removed and reconstruction, but had chemo before that and I am now waiting for another op for a bigger expander. so sorry that your little boy passed away. My cancer is genetic although only one auntie on my dads side had it.
It looks like it's been about a year since your BA surgery. How are you doing now?
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are doing well.
Im so sorry for all you have been trhough.
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Wow, yes, I agree, you definitely have been through the ringer! I'm so happy to hear it was in situ and has not spread. You can call yourself a strong survivor! I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your son, life has for sure dealt you more blows that one should have to experience.
A year ago, I found a lump myself, in my areola, it's still there ( unchanged, I think, might even feel softer) but I just refuse to have it looked at. My last mammogram was 2007, it was all clear.
My reason to be this stubborn, is that a year prior to finding my lump, I underwent a huge and horrible ovarian cancer scare. All the tests, symptoms, even my rised tumor marker indicated ovarian cancer and I was forced to undergo surgery, biopsy and hysterectomy for a cost of 40K without any health insurance ( which is a story on it's own) It was such a horrible, horrible time in my life that left me paralyzed with fear of ever going to the doctor again.
Luckily, it turned out to be just a "stupid" cyst, totally benign, and I got to keep one of my ovaries so I didn't had to get thrown into acute menopause.
I was expected to feel grateful for all of this, when I was actually left feeling angry, bitter and in shock.
I KNOW what they would do, if I went to the Doc with this lump, and that is to cut me open, again, and I just refuse! Can't do it!
think if it anymore. It is what it is...

Thank you for sharing your story! Far too often ladies blow off self-exams and mammograms because BC doesn't run in their family.
I know that Angelina Jolie's story was blasted everywhere but I just couldn't stop thinking that why weren't those outside of Hollywood featured? Let's face it Angelina has enough money to have had the best breast removal and reconstruction out there. Am I happy that she is cancer free? Of course, I am a woman and wouldn't wish that upon anyone. But does she leave me inspired? No!  Maybe you're filthy rich, maybe you're not.  Not in pre-screened and edited interview but raw, uncensored for others to relate to and learn from. For that I thank you and I hope that every woman who has come across your post does a more diligent job on self-exams and doesn't put off that mammogram appointment.
I have no words to comfort the loss of your son. I have friends who have lost parents, siblings, best friends, and other close knit family members but the one loss that I have seen hurt more than anything is the loss of a child. So here is big hug from Georgia and a prayer that your heart heals with each day.
Here's to your continued good health and being brave enough to share your story with others!
You've been through alot.  Had double mastectomy. They wouldn't even do my BA until I went and was cleared with a mammogram. Good luck to you.
I realize this is an older post, but thank you for sharing. I am going to have a bi-lateral mastectomy soon, am a natural 34DD, and outside of the most important and #1 desire, (ridding my body of cancer), I am concerned with my resulting breast size post reconstruction. I