Eulogy for the Democratic Party (1828 – 2025) by I.A. Adams

We gather here today to bid farewell to the Democratic Party, a once-formidable political force that ultimately succumbed to a chronic and self-inflicted illness. The diagnosis was grim for many years, but denial, corruption, and radicalization kept it on life support far past its natural expiration date.

The initial infection began in 2008 with the Obama-Biden Syndrome—an insidious neurological disorder that caused mass delusions of “hope and change,” while eroding the party’s ability to form coherent policies. The symptoms included severe detachment from economic reality, reckless foreign policy decisions, and a growing tolerance for radical left-wing extremism.

By 2016, the party had developed Clintonian Graft Disorder, a metastatic condition fueled by untraceable foreign donations, deleted emails, and chronic ethical collapse. Despite obvious warning signs—seizures of integrity, recurring fainting spells of credibility, and violent outbursts against political outsiders—this malignancy was ignored, as party leaders believed their control of the media and judicial system made them immune.

The Democratic Party’s health continued to deteriorate under the Pelosi-Schumer Cognitive Decline, a degenerative disorder that impaired decision-making, increased susceptibility to hypocrisy, and resulted in the inability to form a coherent legislative sentence without contradictions. The party suffered frequent bouts of Trump Derangement Psychosis (TDP), a condition so severe it caused them to embrace open borders, lawlessness, and censorship—symptoms they once opposed in previous administrations.

The arrival of the AOC Autoimmune Crisis in 2018 was perhaps the most aggressive and fast-spreading affliction. The infection spread rapidly, attacking the remaining moderate cells within the party. The once-functioning organs of pragmatism, fiscal responsibility, and national security were rapidly rejected by the host body. The internal hemorrhaging from self-inflicted ideological purity tests left the party anemic and vulnerable to external threats.

The final, fatal blow came in 2024 with the Kamalalaland Viral Collapse—a neurological degeneration that caused erratic speech patterns, spontaneous cackling, and an inability to form logical policy positions. The once semi-functioning Democratic body entered terminal hysteria, rejecting all traditional American values, embracing outright socialism, and even defending violent riots as “peaceful protests.” The public—now immune to its fear-mongering—chose to pull the plug.

In its final days, the party convulsed in a rabid, foaming frenzy, attacking its own supporters, eating itself alive with cancel culture, DEI mandates, and gender-obsessed hysteria. The final gasp came when the last remaining rational Democrats defected, leaving only the shrieking husk of identity politics, race-baiting, and authoritarian overreach.

Attempts to revive the party with the Newsom Experimental Therapy failed, as the patient showed no brain activity beyond smug condescension and an insatiable desire for dictatorial power. With no pulse, no credibility, and no base, the decision was made to cease resuscitation efforts.

The Democratic Party is survived by a legacy of inflation, crime, open borders, government overreach, and trillions in national debt. Its death, while tragic for its remaining supporters, will allow America to heal, rebuild, and move forward.

May it rest in the trash can of history, alongside failed socialist regimes and corrupt political machines of the past.

RIP Democratic Party (1828 – 2025). Cause of death: Terminal Wokeness, self-inflicted delusions, and complications from socialist overreach. 

We extend our heartfelt gratitude to @realDonaldTrump and @elonmusk. The American people are deeply thankful for all that you have accomplished and wholeheartedly support you in your future endeavors. - I. A. Adams