67c5ab35_Female_Sexuality___2005_Topics__Post_Text
[Topic ID] 74 [Post ID] 400 [Date & Time] 2005-08-07 22:37:51 [Post Text] 
Hi everyone, I am having a relationship with my gf since more than a year. Everything seems fine but sex is lightyears away. (Just in case you wonder, we are both over the age of consent and there are no religious or moral laws against it.) I am getting worried (honestly -- not just horny) about the situation. I'm afraid this could be a dead end street and the longer we keep moving on the harder it will be to find a way out. Therefore, I don't think the right answer to my questions contains the words "wait" and "not ready" although it's probably what most people I know would answer first. Before describing my situation it wrote down some thoughts to picture my environment: I think we both grow up in world, where information about sexuality is readily available when you're brave enough to look for it; where talking openly (with close friends, family) is always possible and mostly avoided; where there is a magical age limit (varies between 14 and 20) dividing mankind in 2 groups -- those below the limit who should be taught as many abstract theoretical knowledge about sex because (s)he can't know yet anything from real life and those above who know already everything there is to know because they did it. (Thus, you'd better ask all the questions you'll ever have before you hit the magical age limit although you won't understand the answers then) Any girl (no exception) I talked to about sex before their "first" (OK, there aren't that many) thought intercourse hurts -- just a little bit if he is caring, like hell if you're not ready. I don't know who told them that. Another myth is that males need to have orgasm regularly (to survive). Therefore males will masturbate and males want sex. However most women don't orgasm regularly. Obviously they don't need to. It is perfectly accaptable for an adult woman to enjoy masturbation or intercourse while others may prefer shopping or watching TV. Therefore in a relationship, flirt, one-night-stand it's his part to be in favor of sex and her part to object it. The couple has to settle on a compromise, it's sometimes acceptable to trade sex (of which he benefits) for things she prefers. We usually spend a couple of nights together a week, sometimes every night. The weird thing is, from the very beginning till today, often not always it reminds me of sleepovers with friends. There's simply nothing sensational about it, she's in her pyjamas ("I never slept without them"), she insists on sleeping NOW ("Sorry. No time for cuddling. Too Late!"). It's not always that bad, we hug and kiss and sometimes take off her clothes (and my, but that's the simpler part), but she avoids anything that could get us aroused: Only few French kisses and none of them too long. Passionate caressing and cuddling but without touching each other intimately. Lying close to each other but no moving. Automatically I'm trying to touch her vulva (I know I should ask but often I won't as it seems to me to be the most natural thing to do). As long as I'm on her legs she likes it (and says so). When get to touch her pubic hair she's getting uncomfortable (says she it doesn't feel bad but strange). Normally she won't let me touch her asking me to touch her on some other spot. If I do get to touch her the very moment my finger makes contact with her body (before I even realize I touched her) she moves her body back as if hurt. Maybe her clitoris or skin is very sensitive. However I think, it is her mind. She never masturbates or otherwise touches herself. She sais she used to be curious about how shw looked but never used a mirror to actually see down their and then lost interest. I once fingered another girl through her panties which was pleasant for that girl but she won't let me, she sais, she wouldn't feel anything, so why waste energy on trying? I'd really love to orally perform on her but she doesn't believe that I would actually enjoy it. She thinks she's smelly down their which she isn't. She wouldn't even let me give her a single kiss anywhere on her body while not wearing panties. (I think she's too afraid of being asked to give fellatio.) I'm quite sure (though I'd wish I was wrong here) she doesn't talk to anyone about the topic nor read anything about it. Probably she never felt positive about arousal, maybe she never realized she was aroused. We do speak openly about things experienced in the past and she can imagine sleeping with me in the long-term future and enjoy it (after we discussed our family planning in all glory detail and realized it could be too late to start a family eventually). However talking about the present is hard. On the one hand she thinks she's very late and I'm not getting what I deserve but one the other hand it's always safe to wait a few more days/weeks/months... Hope you got an idea about how I feel and what think. I don't expect a solution, just thoughts and hints.
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