39fd71f7__the_fuck_happened_last_night___Story
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This story I'm about to tell is being told on behalf of a friend of mine because he is too distraught over the mere thought of this night to share it himself... It started off like any other night, flabongos of various malt beverages in preparation for what was thought to be an "average" night of drinking. Little did we know, that upon arrival to the party,our buddy,(we'll call him ze) had already thrown back a fifth of disaronno and was clearly on a mission to get royally fucked up. After ze did some bitching about the lack of alcohol at the party, my roommate decided to turn this dudes world upside down and went out and bought a bag full of lokos, of which he drank maybe one himself... Ze's activities from this point on were not monitored closely enough and within the next hour or so it had been reported that he had consumed at least 2 lokos himself and even finished off the lasting remains of mine as I was leaving to ride back to my house. Back at the pad my girlfriend and I had some sloppy loko dick sex which I'm sure was about as enjoyable for her as getting fucked by a 70 year old man with an external hemeroid, but hey that tends to happen when you party with loko. Anywho, as we were passing out we heard a few friends walk through the door but thought nothing of it as this was commonplace at our house... I cannot even begin to describe the terror that was the morning after. As I was taking the short walk to the bathroom, I noticed a particularly rank smell all around me, no apparent source in sight. I opened the door to discover a shit splattered disaster. SHIT EVERYWHERE BUT INSIDE OF THE TOILET. The floors, the tub, the walls, ON the toilet, EVERYWHERE. I had never seen anything like this before in my life, ever, and I have been involved in my fair share of shitshows. I ran out to the living room to look for some answers where I found ze passed out on the couch, fully clothed, covered from head to toe in shit and vomit, puke stain on the carpet next to him. It was a truly unfathomable sight, a fully inebriated, shit covered human being passed out on our nice ass leather couch, shit all over the couch, as well as smeared into the carpets. A turd was even found on the floor in the entry way to the kitchen. Needless to say I was not pleased with the situation. He tried to deny his role in the mess but the writing was on the wall. His loko consumption had caused him to blackout for the remainder of that night and take a massive sized dump all over my bathroom, part of which ended up on the couch/carpet. Ze spent the remainder of that day on the floor in the bathroom puking his brains out and attempting to get his life back together. It took a solid week for that smell go away and about three full on deep clean sessions. I'll never forget that awful morning and the integral role that four loko had in the making of a REAL shitshow.
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