So let’s get back to suicide, which now seems like a reasonable alternative. Suicide is an interesting topic to me because it is an inherently interesting decision. To decide voluntarily not to exist anymore. It’s profound. You know what it is? It’s the ultimate makeover. That’s why I think it belongs on television. In this depraved culture we live in, with all of these reality shows. Suicide and television will be a natural. I’ll bet you I can have an All-Suicide Channel on cable TV. I’ll bet you. Shit, they got all golf. What the fuck, huh? Goddamn. Jesus. You ever watch golf? You ever watch golf? It’s like watching flies fuck. If you’d get a bunch of brainless assholes insisting on waste a Sunday afternoon on that kind of shit, you know you can get some people to watch some suicides. All day long, 24 hours a day nothing but suicides. Must die TV. You’d get a lot of people watching that shit. You’d get a lot of people volunteering to be on there, too. Just so their friends can see them on TV. People are fucking goofy. You’d get a lot of volunteers. You’d get all them leftover assholes from “Let’s Make a Deal”. They’d be lined up around the block pushing each other out of the way, putting on funny capes and caps and hats and makeup and calling themselves Captain Suicide. Guys would be competing for most unusual method. People would be jumping off of silos, lighting themselves on fire, putting rat poison on a taco, drinking Mop & Glo, sticking moth balls up their ass. You’d probably have some weird fuck show up who’d figured out how to kill himself with dental floss and a stinger missile. People are fucking goofy. I’d bet you could find you a married couple, in this country, shit. I’ll bet you, you could find a married couple in one of them trailer parks or something who’d be perfectly willing to sit in a loveseat and blow each other’s heads off with shotguns while a love song is playing.
