Robert Lee Frost was born on 26th March 1874 in San Francisco, California. The American poet was praised for his depictions of rural life, and his realistic verse portraying ordinary people in everyday situations (Gerber, 2019). He was an ordinary man who loves nature and uses simple words in his work. One among his famous poems was ‘Mending the wall’. It opens Frost’s second collection of poetry, North of Boston, published in 1914 (Encyclopedia.com). In this poem, he has explored the reason why people create boundaries around them. “Personal boundaries are the limits we set for ourselves as individuals in relationships” (Hecker. n.d). This essay focuses on the encounter between the speaker and the neighbor regarding the boundaries set in human life.
On the one hand the rigid boundaries can lead to chronic loneliness. In this poem the author says that setting limits in life is insignificant and he compared it to the physical barrier made between the neighbors. He is a person who wants to have a close relationship with others. In his point of view the wall is unnecessary as he is not going to exploit his neighbor. He contradicts with the idea of his neighbor of mending the wall as his apple trees and the neigbor’s pine trees neither will get confused, nor will eat the fruits of each other. The speaker felt that his neighbor is an uncivilized man who takes over the path of his father. He considered him as a man of old age with his stone weapons, who is still in darkness. In the authors view the wall does not maintain a good relationship but only keeps the neighbor away from him. In a like manner the boundaries keep people away from one. Even those people who shares same values, believes and experiences set limits in their life to avoid being exploited by other. This also helps them to avoid getting too close with others who may not have best interest at heart for them (Collingwood, 2018).
On the other hand the neighbor expresses the view that good fences make good neighbours (Frost, 1914). He believed that setting clear boundaries between neighbors ensures a healthy relationship between them, and assures that the relationships are mutually respected. Thus he insisted on building a physical barrier between them. This wall is created in harmony between the neighbors to protect and respect each other’s privacy. And if one feels that the boundaries are loose; leads to emotions then it is the time to reset the limits. The resetting of boundaries is considered as the time for mending wall in the poem. This is a tradition followed from his father since many years. The neighbour does not want to clarify the reason for his attitude, and says that he took up his father’s attitude. Moreover boundaries are a measure of self-esteem; an indicator showing that one deserved to be treated well. They set the limits for acceptable behaviour from those around him/her, determining whether they feel able to put one down, or take advantage of one’s good nature (Collingwood, 2018). For example, a family relationship cannot be healthy until both partners communicate their boundaries clearly and the other person respects them. And it allows both partners to feel comfortable and develop positive self-esteem. At the same time having healthy boundaries does not mean that rigidly saying no to everything. Nor does it mean cocooning oneself from others.
In addition boundaries help not to compromise one’s value for other people. If a person compromise his/her values it can lead to frustration and finally ruins the relationship. For instance, if an employee has an appointment with the employer who values time and the employee is late for half an hour. This can ruin the relationship among them as there is a clear boundary of how much the employer is willing to tolerate lateness. To set boundaries one should know his/her values, believes morals and should be true to one. If not it may set a loose or rigid boundaries. Besides keeping other people from coming into one’s space it also keep one from going into the space of others and abusing them. And these imaginary lines move up and down based on our circumstances (Eddins, 2018).
As noted above boundaries are crucial as they protect people from being enmeshed. It also helps one to know what the extents and limits with others. But having too rigid boundaries can have an undesired effect. It can be a double edged sword- craving connection while fearing closeness. In contradiction a loose boundary may leads to difficulty in identifying one’s own emotions and needs. The disconnection from one to his/her own needs and emotions may leads to compulsive behaviour such as eating disorders (Eddins, 2018). After analysing the pros and cons; in my opinion setting healthy boundaries is very essential in establishing a nourishing relationship. And for this one need to know the true self and his/her own circumstances.
References
Collingwood. J. (2018). The importance of personal boundaries. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-importance-of-personal-boundaries/
Encyclopedia.com. (2009). Mending Wall. Retrieved from https://www.encyclopedia.com/arts/educational-magazines/mending-wall
Eddins.R. (2018). Keeping good boundaries & getting your needs met. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/lib/keeping-good-boundaries-getting-your-needs-met/