“I don’t know about it”. When I think of college, new experiences and a sense of freedom come to mind. But a lot of worries come to mind too. I worry that I won’t be able to handle all the pressure. I worry that I will give up and I won’t be able to succeed. But I want to go to college, pursue a great job, and build a great career because of my mom. I want to pay her back for everything she has done and provided for me. I want to be able to give her everything to my ability and with that I have to be successful starting in high school.
It’s quiet in the house, which is rare thanks to my three little brothers. I make my way to my mom’s room and in the darkness, I see my mom on her knees over her bed silently praying. “Pasale”, she said. I went in and we started praying together: “Amen y Amen”. At this point, she already is crying because she always cries when she prays. She tells me that she wants me to try my best in school so I won’t be struggling like she is. She didn’t finish school. She tells me about what she has gone through and how life gets so hard. Seeing her break down in front of me makes me start crying too. It really impacts me hearing her and seeing her at times start crying because she’s my mom and my mom is one of the strongest women I know. Seeing that is really hard and it encourages me to try my best to make her life easier. I want her to be proud of me.
I have my major motivation to go to college and graduate. I feel like if it wasn´t for her, then I wouldn’t try my best to be too successful. I would have just taken a simple job that is enough to support me, nothing too extravagant. But I want to be able to provide her with a comfortable life and much more.
I have to get a good job to achieve my goal. So that means that I have to decide on what I want to study in college. But the problem is that I really have no idea what to do. Well, that’s a lie. I actually do have a few ideas, but I am not really sure about them. I am looking into the professions of a lawyer, a plastic surgeon, or an aeronautical engineer. These are all good careers that actually take quite a while to complete. That is one of the main problems that, in my opinion, I can’t do. I don’t know if I am will be able to determine for a long period. I am worried that throughout my studies I will feel like giving up. I don’t even know what colleges I want to go to or should consider. I used to think that if I went to college, then I would be wasting the best years of my life. But I recently talked to a cousin of mine who convinced me otherwise. She said that even though you have to work hard and everything, you still have fun in college. She said that even though you’re in college, you are still living your life and by the time you graduate, it will all be worth it. She also said that if you work towards what you want, no matter how long it takes, it will never be a waste of your time. This made me think differently about the idea of college. I just can’t seem to find a career that I will actually enjoy. I have been looking into some but I feel like they aren’t really for me. But they are the only ones that semi-interest me. I’m going to explore any possible options available to me.
Yet again, my one true goal is to be able to give my mom all to my ability. So, I am willing to work my hardest and longest just to accomplish my goal.