Loneliness, struggles, and challenges make me think of about a million things that have happened throughout my life. In today's society, it is very common to be raised by just one parent so the biggest challenge I have had to face is growing up in a single-parent household. I felt terrible, sad, and angry because my parents divorced and I did not show any signs, but it affected me in the Inside. Growing up with single parent was very hard and difficult. I always felt unwanted, fell behind in school, and had negative feeling toward my mom. However, everything I faced living with single parent gave me strength.
When I was two months old, my dad and my mom got divorced, and I grew up with my dad and his family. At the time my brother was only three years old. I never thought much of living in a single parent until I was six years old, it was normal to me, even though I always knew that a mother figure was missing. When I was growing up, I started thinking about my mom, why she left me with my dad, and why most of my friends had both parents and I was the only who lived with single parent. I started to feel unwanted because my mom and I didn't have a close relationship and I didn’t have a mother that was actively present in my life. I was mad at her that she was not there for me when I really needed her help. I remember when I was in second grade, we had parent’s day and both parents had to come so I told my dad that he had to come to school but he didn’t come on time. I saw my friends with their parents and I was really mad and I got jealous. I cried and felt unwanted and lonely. After half an hour my dad
came and I screamed at him in front of people. He got shocked because he had not seen me like that before. I told him to buy me a mother from the store or to bring my mom to me but he didn't take my feelings seriously. He just made fun of me in front of my friends. After we got home, I asked him why he divorced my mom but he didn’t want to tell me. He just said “you are not matured enough to hear that.” I kept quiet but I didn’t stop thinking about my mom. At that time, I hated to be alive and I felt like an orphan. However, I just allowed God to guide me and put my trust in the lord wholeheartedly because there was no one to show me how to be a good girl and no one gave me love as a mother give her child.
After all that, I started falling behind in school and kept getting bad grades because all the time, I was thinking about my mom during class time instead of learning. My teachers called my dad and asked him why I was getting bad grades but he didn’t answer anything , then they asked me in front of him and I told them that I missed my mom and I couldn’t learn anything until I saw her. Also, I told him that I wanted to live with my mom but he didn’t let me. Growing up with a single dad hurt me socially, especially when it came to new people. I came to develop a shyness that caused me to have less self-confidence and to be less active than other students.
Also I had a negative feeling toward my mom because I never grew up hearing a good things about my mom. My dad’s family never talked about my mom positive things. They always told me that she left me without any reason and that she didn't care about me. Especially, my grandma didn't like when I started talking about my mom because she takes care of me like her daughter and she thought If I heard a good things about my mom, that I will never want her to be my grandma . My grandma did everything for me that I asked her, but I always said to myself I wish I could have one family with both a mom and a dad. When I was eleven years old my mom came to visit me and I heard everything from her. She told me all the reality. When she gave birth to me, she was twenty three years old and she didn't have any income to raise me. That’s why she left me with my dad. She stayed three months and left. I cried and felt sad. After my mom left my dad told me that he had a girlfriend and that he was going to marry her. It seemed to me that he was being selfish because I always needed his help, and I didn’t want to be far away from him. Also, I was really needing a real strong relationship between me and him. But he told that he decided to get married and that the girl was nice and that she was going to take care of me like her baby. However I promised myself not to get bad grades and to make my dad proud because my mom told me to be a good girl and to make my family proud.
The most important thing that I knew after I heard the reality from my mom that I wanted to be successful in my life. Living with a single parent is a hard job but I learned how to be responsible and how to handle myself. My grandma was not strong enough to give me a shower, to braid my hair, and to wash my clothes. I did everything by myself. Life was filled with many challenges that come with growing up in a single parent household, but all those challenges have given me the strength of life. I asked God for his hands to guide my heart and to not be a perfect, because I knew there was no way anyone could be perfect, but rather I asked him to be strong.
In conclusion, I don't hate my past life because it made me to become more mature and to be responsible for myself. I love my life, and I love my family because maybe I don't have exactly what I want but I have what I need. I will never forget the things happened throughout my life because my past life becomes a memory, and the memory becomes a treasure.