Erikson states “adolescents struggle to discover their own identity while negotiating and struggle in a complex social world” (pg.211). The terms ‘Who am I?’, ‘Who do I want to be?’. These are the questions that I heard since elementary school and high school. So many people are on this journey to live a perfect life. I personally think it’s senseless. The reason why I say it’s senseless is because you have no idea what perfection is. Unless you’ve experienced imperfection. The point that I’m making, is that you should embrace your flaws and mistakes because they help make you who you’re supposed to be. Don’t run away from your hardship embrace it and become better.
I grew up in a household where my father was the old school Jamaican that thinks women should be treated unequal and treated like objects. He would verbally and physically abuse my sisters, my mom and I. We weren’t allowed to speak up about it. His mindset is that men are superior and that women should bowing down to them.
In elementary school, I was the typical shy nice kid that kept to myself in school and because of that, I was bullied from grade 4-7 before I moved to another school. As a self-conscious child, I was regularly harassing by two girls that chose to claim to be my companions and utilized me, influencing me to get their homework done and such. They would beat me for the sake of entertainment and spread bits of gossip about me. I was scared to tell my parents’ what was happening because my family believes that show sadness, pain, or anger makes you weak and exposes your vulnerability to others. One day I reach my breaking point and ask if I could move schools for the last year of elementary school. Even though I moved schools for grade 8 I was still being picked on the only thing that was different was I started to learn how to suppress my feelings. From then I knew that I wasn’t going to let anyone treat me this way.
In my first year of high school, I knew that what happened in elementary was not going to happen again but it was hard to change from a person that kept to their self and that is quite to this outspoken person that wasn’t self-conscious. This an example of Marcia identity moratorium where I “actively exploring alternatives in an attempt to form an identity” (pg.212). Two years into high school I started dating this guy where I thought it was a healthy relationship but he cheated on me numerous times and verbally and physically abused. I was basically blinded by him think that he loved me. After I realize that I was in the same situation as my mother and father and become the person that I never thought that I would be I needed to leave that relationship.
People say high school is the years of your life I’m not so sure about that After that I felt like I become a robot cold and uninterested towards people even though I grow up with a father like that I would still find a way to not make it affect me but after that relationship I just became dark inside. Personality is supposed to be a wide term and considers the physical just as the psychological condition of a person.
That was my turning point I knew that I actually have to change the way I think about myself. I started to go to counselling because of the bottled-up emotions that I suppress since elementary and that relationship. Counselling really helped me identify strengths in myself and reassured me that I don’t have to change my whole personality to become a person that speaks up for them self when need and can still be the same introvert and also have a strong personality.
Now that I’m in college my personality has even more freedom where I can actually realize being outspoken has helped me from multiple points of view, one of them being that I will always stand up for myself when I am in an awful circumstance. I am not the sort of individual you can walk all over or talk down as well, and I can thank my bluntness for that. Since I go to bat for myself, I won't allow people to take advantage of me and at last it really helps a circumstance. In Marcia statuses, this would be an example of identity achievement where I “have explored alternatives and have developed commitments” (pg.212).
Finding your true self is quite hard and a long journey. Having a personality that plays on me being introvert shy person where people would think that I’m underdog but also outspoken when it comes to things that I’m passion about person allow me to be comfortable of who I’m. So, as to reveal our identity and why we act the manner in which we do, we need to know our very own story. Being bold and willing to investigate our past is a critical venturing stone making progress toward getting ourselves and getting to be who we need to be. These experiences have jointly shaped my outlook on myself and life.