There I was, the second to last day of the eighth grade school year, bawling like a baby on the freezing tiles of the girl’s bathroom. The only people comforting me were my four best friends, the only friends I really had.
An introvert. A major introvert. That’s what I was. Throughout grade school I hardly talked, was never popular, and was always ignored and forgotten like that one goldfish you dropped during break and slid under the bookshelf. But I guess it is my fault, after all, I was as silent as a mouse. I always kept to myself, only speaking unless I was spoken to and even then I hardly spoke. I will willingly admit it, I was shy, only really speaking to my two best friends because they were the only ones who really brought out the real me, the me I had been so terrified to show the world. The goofy, blabbermouthed me that I kept bottled up inside, too afraid to let it loose. Oh, you would not believe how different I was around my fellow acquaintances compared to my bosom buddies. Night and Day difference. But why was I so tranquil and bashful? Even I could not explain it. I would constantly try to be the class clown and answer those awfully tough class discussion questions, but every time I tried opening my mouth it felt as though there was duct tape restricting me from saying anything at all. I often said to myself, “Come on, are you really that frightened to the point you can not even answer a simple question?” I just could not figure it out. But around my best friends, I did not have to worry about that constant restriction.
My best friends and I were like three peas in a pod, well, more like five peas. These five peas have been friends since kindergarten, always playing house, talking about how astonishingly hard 5th grade is, or gossiping about who we thought would ask each other to roller skate at the yearly Christmas roller skating party. I guess you could say we were a pretty tight-knit group of friends, after all, we told each other literally everything. We would tell each other who are crushes were, how we felt about people, and even our biggest fears no matter how ridiculous they may be. We never fret that these deep dark secrets would get out to our peers because we had a level of trust only a few receive or give. We would constantly suggest to each other to try new things that we never thought we would actually try. And because of this great trust between us, we would often do what the other suggested. The Friday before track and field tryouts, one of my best friends suggested to try out with her for the track and field team. I am not going to lie, I was hesitant because I never really liked running and I thought that was all track and field was. But with a long discussion and the new knowledge that track and field was not just running, I decided to join. Little did I know, I would stay on the track team my 8th-grade year as well and all of high school as well. Just like any other relationship, we had our ups and downs, our fights and make-ups, but we didn't let them divide each other or break our friendships. Sure, sometimes we would split into smaller groups for a while because we were so mad at someone in the group and refused to talk to them, but we always bounced back and forgave each other no matter what someone might have done to the other. Despite our bad moments, we enjoyed countless sleep-deprived sleepovers and never-ending profound conversations. I was delighted and enthusiastic that these sleepovers and conversations would continue throughout high school and maybe even college. With this marvelous thought of being with my best friends forever, I was ready to tackle high school head-on. I never in a million years wanted or wished for it to end.
It did end. Two months before 8th-grade graduation, I found out one of my best friends is moving to Michigan. I was fuming mad. Not just because I found she was abandoning me, but because she was not the one to tell me. My mother told me after she found out from her mom. I did not talk, let alone glance at her for a week. But I thought to myself, being snotty about this whole situation is not going to help it anymore. We talked it out and came to our senses, swore to visit each other often, and never let the distance overcome our friendship. After this whole debacle, I was at peace once again. I still had three other people by my side to conquer high school.
Or did I; I genuinely thought that since one of my best friends left, surely another one would not just up and leave my life forever. Boy was I wrong. I had never felt more betrayed. The one friend that I thought would never leave, decided to go to Illiana. I was frenzied. She really decided to go to my rival school. Just as before I did not talk, or come face to face with her for a week. But just as before, I decided I was overreacting greatly. It was her choice on what school she chose, not mine. After all, she did live closer to Illiana than Chicago Christian. Just as before we swore to not lose touch and to hang out the whole summer.
Now it sounds like that one book, what is it called… Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed? It felt like I was losing a best friend every day. Little did I know I was about to lose another two, the two that had an immense impact on my life. T-minus 5 days till 8th graduation, they pulled me into the bathroom overwhelming me with the phrase, “We have something important to tell you!” And of course, I was cheerful, thinking they were going to tell me they are going to Chicago Christian High School, that all will be well, and that we will be best friends for life. But there was this substantial fear in the back of my mind that they too were leaving. Turns out that the fear I tried oh so hard to push away was right. That day I found out both my closest best friends would be leaving me. One would be going to Providence Catholic High School and the other was moving all the way to Nashville Tennessee. I lost it. I genuinely had no clue what to say, what to do, nothing. I stood there in the girls’ bathroom like a scarecrow standing in a field, no emotion, no movement, feeling useless. Next thing I knew I was on the ground, unable to hold in my emotions, not being able to let out a single peep over my never-ending waterfall of tears. What happened next was a blur. I felt betrayed and broken, to say the least. I now had no one. Absolutely no one. So much for tackling high school.
All summer I was anxious when starting school. Who was I supposed to hang out with? Then came, the first day of school. I felt like an outcast, an outsider. I felt like one of the background characters of a movie or TV show that just gets to watch what happens. But in the midst of this loneliness, I decided that it was time to grow up and get rid of the introverted shy girl I once was. After all, I can not just coast through high school without any friends. I was slowly becoming more comfortable and confident in my own skin. The only problem was finding a least one friend that would help me survive high school.
For weeks I tried hanging out with different groups of people, never really fitting in quite right. Then I found it. Or did I? I found a group of people that would actually talk to me and interact with me. The only problem was that they interacted with me randomly. Some days I would get nothing, maybe an accomplishment or a, “Hi Abigail!” but that is. Oh, how I tried to start conversations but no one really cared. This caused me to start doubting myself and becoming more introverted than I was before. But I decided I can not give up on myself, I need to stick up for myself and overcome what I once was. There was this one girl in a friend group that I tried to fit into that always talked to me and made me feel accepted. Yes, we had gone to school together since 5th grade, but we never really talked, except for those awkward Hi in the hallways that you feel obligated to say. We started to get to know each other and realized we both were going to take driver's education at Shepherd. We took every stupid multiple choice test together, we suffered every whale sound meditation day, and we attempted not to crash with the, mostly broken, driving simulators. She was treating me like a true friend, something I have not experienced for months. She made me feel like I could actually get through high school and have the time of my life going through it. We were becoming closer and closer friends, but driver’s ed was coming to a close. On our third to last day, she tapped me on the shoulder and asked me if I wanted to join the bowling team with her. I have never taken bowling seriously a day in my life and I certainly had no idea how to properly bowl. But the thought of losing this friendship that was so important to me terrified me so of course I said yes and the rest is history. We have been inseparable ever since. I would like to think we were destined to be best friends, she was the kind of person I wanted to be in a way. She was outgoing and did not care what people thought of her and as the years have gone by, those qualities have certainly wiped off on me and I can now be myself around everyone. I gained a best friend who taught me so much about myself.
Friend after friend left me, going in all different directions, therefore making me feel alone and discouraged. But through this hard time, I experienced and this needs for changing myself, I learned a ton about myself. I learned that if I really put my mind to it and not give up, I can overcome my challenges. I put my mind to becoming less of an introvert and antisocial, and succeeded, but not without the frequent feeling of giving up. thought my life was over after all my best friends left me, It in fact was not. My new life was only beginning. I am now proud to say that I am not that introverted, apprehensive little girl anymore. I am not afraid to show my true colors to whoever is willing to view them and I can thank my best friend and even all those groups who had rejected me before. Who I am in the past will never define who I am now and who I will be in the future.