her life had already been turned upside down once ; she could n't go through it again , she did n't think she was strong enough to survive it a second time . apparently they wanted lots of help . sorry about that , she rolled her eyes . `` i hate sending you in there alone . '' the cat lay across the back of the couch watching me as i walked back and forth , his head following me around the room . not without offering myself to him completely , and i could n't , not yet . 