we drank our tea and watched taffy chase a butterfly and tried not to think too much . i went back inside , and hoped i 'd never have to use the trick jared showed me . my cheeks have purple bruises from where cole pinched my cheeks together to make me kiss him . `` i want something real too , but i need to do some stuff first , okay ? i ca n't believe i 'm having this conversation with my dad , for god 's sake . '' 