he had always liked female company and there was no way that he was going to change now , after all why should he . this was what it would be like when they were at college together , and later , when they were married . i must have fallen asleep because when i open my eyes the room is bright . my father always said my name with a question mark , like he could n't remember for sure how to pronounce it and would n't have laid money on whether or not i was actually his . 