my father rested the butt of his rifle on the concrete floor and leaned over to gaze through the spy hole . `` you 're just saying that so i wo n't take you home , though god only knows why you want to be around me . '' she let go of a sigh that sounded totally exasperated . some part of me cried out for it , willing it to stay . because thats the only defense i have . maybe it was the quiet desperation in his eyes . 