like he was afraid if he pushed too hard i would vanish . kay felt an immense sense of relief when her mother , clad in nightgown and robe , met her at the front door . i did n't allow myself to react to his words . in other words , the same as what happened when i said nothing to him . she showed up and knocked and i thought it was you . squeezing his shoulders for leverage , tamara pumped up and down on him , without thought or any particular skill , just with enthusiasm and desperation . 