he paused for a moment , regarding his shining shoe buckles , then lifted his head and looked at me straight . i learned from a very early age never to cry . they had it all planned out , and now it had got away from them . grinning shyly at me , he tightened the saddle . id been hoping they forgot about last spring . `` can i have some money for the bus ? '' i forced myself to leave the shelter of the wings and stumble out to the center of the stage . 