switching the light off , she went to her bed and lay down staring at the ceiling . he 'd been able to put one of his men on the town council who made decisions . and she ca n't be closer with him , even if he were willing . you do n't know what you want , except the part where you want what you ca n't have and , somehow , that 's my f**kin ' fault . '' when he saw her it happened like it always happened . he kept digging in the handbag . 