`` hey , '' i say , shutting the door , checking my skin in the light to make certain there 's no symbol on my skin . the breath i 'd been holding rushed from me and the released adrenaline made my body shake . i am locking you in our room and you must carry a pistol with you at all times . and the emotions i tried to kill with drugs have burst to the surface again . once again hed made me warm all over . `` sometimes there 's no specific reason , '' she said softly . 