i resigned from being your mother , remember ? i just walked in the fucking door . my whole life 's been crazy , though , you know ? '' `` i do n't want to die either , '' i say softly . she realized that she was giggling , and took a few moments to get herself under control . and , just like that , it stopped , and i fell to my knees , exhausted by the experience . or fox , as it turned out . oh god almighty give me the strength to be patient . 