`` you 're supposed to be dead , '' she said . this question was far more technical . if they want to hear something else , theyll ask for it . someone had filled my shoes with lead while i was n't looking . he 'd been more of a father to me than my actual father , and although he had people to protect him , i felt guilty leaving while he was out of service . maybe nothing else , but this is going to be all right . '' well , let me tell you , mrs. cole . 