i had my sister say some prayers out of the book , and it hurt . but , truly , who could have known how badly ? which would be fine , believe me . my laugh sounded forced to my own ears . `` but that does n't mean that evidence does n't exist , '' i pointed out . i had allowed things to get out of hand with jordan and now i was paying the price . they let the silence sit comfortably between them . she could remember it all so clearly . 