lines from a diary i kept at the time describe how ‘i am full of emotions that i do not understand’; ‘my moods are very variable, one worse than the next’; ‘i sometimes wish i could die’; ‘i feel so lonely’; ‘i seem to be able to handle things for a while but after a certain amount of time i feel like exploding’. in her experience, a lot of people spend more time talking about what they do than they do actually doing it. maybe i could contract out my friend to do the work. 