i didnt mind living by myself , and even with the dreams of ruby , and the creepy feelings at times , i was never truly scared . `` i hate you both , '' i said with a sweeping hand gesture . `` i know , '' she said , doing her best to remain patient and calm . and now was n't the time to warn her . `` i 'd like to pay you - `` `` i do n't want money , '' she insisted . `` just picture what 's outside as if this were a map . '' 