`` for my first decade i could n't understand that i was n't a boy , then i would n't accept i was n't , tried my best to be one , so i 'd fit in . but that just does n't have the same ring to it . '' but as he stretched his arm back to hurl it out into the wide ocean , something checked him . harolds looking like he wants to punch me , gripping the arms of that chair so hard he might tear them off . so you assumed he was dead ? 