as i pack up the clutter in my mother 's bedroom , i feel the truth weighing heavily inside me , like i did when they closed the lid of her coffin . i did n't want to wreck it with my suspicions . `` my , my ... what have we here ? the lights were off , the bed soft , the pillow even softer . `` you once pushed me and the weights you 'd tied around my waist into oncoming traffic , '' ava growled . 