i have been so busy the last month and half that i have not been able to record the events in my diary . it would feel satisfying , even with the pain . well , it never occurred to me to ask . i could n't do that even if my job was n't to see her . easy to reef , too , when the wind starts blowing hard . i 'd never put you on my couch . `` if i intended to kill you , do n't you think you 'd already be dead ? '' 