he sat holding my hand , making no move to open his door , waiting for me to extend him ... trust ? any hurt within me gave way to white hot anger . `` it seems like a shame to be this close and not take a look . '' we both laughed , but my voice sounded hard and brittle - just like my heart . i thought maybe you were still awake . '' why are so many signs shot up like that ? how will i be able to explain this to him ? 