sitting up now , he leaned his elbows on his knees and shook his head in delighted disbelief . ash would go back and deal with that one later . i transcend doubt and something ... something perhaps hopeless and black inside myself . in the faint light of the candle she watched the concern in his face turn to shock . i bite my lip because i do n't want to cry out . perhaps , she did not hear him , he thought . he was n't buying her act , even as pretty as it was . 