i answered, ‘in order that whatever i say and whatever i want will happen.’ i was answered, ‘that will not be. whatever we say and whatever we want is what will happen.’ and i said, ‘i cannot do that. i must be permitted to say and to do whatever i like, or i don’t want this way.’ then i received the answer, ‘no, it is whatever we want to be said and whatever we want to be done that must be said and done.’ and i said again, ‘whatever i say and whatever i do is what must be.’ then i was left alone for fifteen days, until i was 