listen to them -- they 're uppity . '' `` you ladies add what you like to your coffee . '' he means a lot to you , yet you let him have it . i sit , silent , as they discuss my dead mother , my grief , my desperation . we shove our stuff clumsily down the hole then re-cover it again . but you would have someone to die for again . `` it was n't the pain , though , oh jesus , nothing 's ever hurt like that . 