my thoughts trailed back to the month that had slipped by , a month of happiness and safety . i had no right to any axe to grind and he wouldnt be the first senator i had screwed , or maybe i should say screwed me . he loved the way ... he realized a good portion of the morning he 'd been telling himself all the things he loved about joy . he had kept the scar well hidden . or we can go back to earth , i said , and the pain in my heart grew even sharper . 