`` long enough for him to think we 're not coming tonight and relax his guard , '' i said . some deep down impulse forced me to release the grocery cart and leave it where it was ; my body jumped in between two parked cars . a blue laser star appeared and then disappeared . i was only six and i guess i thought it hurt less to think of her as dead than not loving me enough to stay . '' i wanted to show you this one before i left and see if you approved . '' 