she said and raced out of his office , slamming the door behind her . `` once i got you back , i knew i 'd never go back to new york . stopping would only give me hope , and hope led to being let down again , every time harder than the last . a shiver traced down her spine , she could n't say why . i was holding on to my anchor , my safety , my rock . he catches me just as i run through the doorway of my bedroom and throws me on my bed . 