he was away much of the time , as i was , but when we were together , he was another man , depressed one minute , violent the next . i always leave her behind , ignore her often . also , the weed high may make you think that she is a man for a part of the evening . cutting waste is usually the first step . '' but maybe he 'd act cool about seeing me . that was why he was having trouble approaching the door , why he was holding back . 