i waited until they were settled fully and closed my eyes . i truly do , but he would do better for us all if he were not so difficult . or maybe he did n't trap me at all . he lets out a long breath then pulls me up his body so i 'm lying on top of him before he rocks my world-and not in the good way . i never allowed myself to dream that far ahead , to construct a reality where lo and i start a family together . he was my anchor in the world . 