if i ca n't kill myself in this room , i will take the first opportunity outside of it to finish the job . some nights he wouldnt come to bed until two or three in the morning . if youd still like to see the house , id be happy to come out and open the door for you ... ? he 'd really given up on living . there 's going to be nobody but you and me for the next ten days ... well , you , me and a small crew . '' 