oh , so you acknowledge you actually went to the white ward . and what did he mean , every day ? that our bedroom romps would make him like me . how had i never learned to speak that language ? of course , i was unaware of his problems then . it was impossible to see these whitish , leaping things clearly , and for this they were all grateful . what to write , what to write ... yes ! thankful for the darkness , she shoved the covers aside and started to rise from the bed . 