he checked in the office but still , no one was waiting for him . `` my dad made me attend every dinner he threw . '' he had never gone anywhere by tube before . i stood and took a step to the railing . i dont know where we are and i dont know where we are going . i continued to empty my pillowcase , stacking everything neatly beside me as i went . his own body was tense all over , too . they needed to believe we were following orders , for as long as possible . 