i mean , you seem to be keeping things under control for the most part . then i told myself to stop thinking about death . `` it 's just a matter of your assumptions . '' i was wondering if russ is sick . `` well you 're gon na take another one , '' he told me . took you a long time to find out . the tears came rolling down my cheeks before i could stop them . i slowly brought my hand up to the top of my cane and looked around anxiously . 