`` you know that xavier is always going to be a shadow in our lives . `` think he 's working with someone else ? '' her lips turned into a crooked smile . i wanted to touch her , to smell her scalp , feel her warmth , but i stayed in my place trying to breathe like i was sleeping . `` thought i made myself clear , '' he growled . though i was not brave enough to admit it . i ca n't control what i say when i 'm asleep . '' 