and why have we always got to see anyway ? only in this way have i been able to make the chaotic events of recent times understandable . i smiled again , dashed to her , gave her a kiss on her wrinkled cheek then dashed back to the house calling , `` see you later ! '' she closed her eyes and hit it with a balled up fist . let her damn him like the rest , if that was what she wanted . i do not know what for but i feel ready for whatever comes next . 