`` dude , when you 're old and your balls are down to your knees , your options will be different . he said it again , this time as a question but perhaps to give him time to remember . he asked in a dull , flat voice . `` i ca n't believe it just fell apart like this . so he said , ill do this one alone . we can go to the shops if you like ... sure , i answered dreamily , the wind blowing through my hair as well . 