a few minutes before eight , i punched a message into my phone : that whole if at first you do n't succeed , try , try again does n't work with me . in three months ' time he would n't be here . they could tear it down and start over . i had the urge to push him away and run , but the gun was a painful reminder of what being shot felt like . underneath her hard shell of pain and hate was a fragile and sensitive young woman that was hurting and breaking on the inside . 