it was late , but that was n't anything new . perhaps it was the will of god . may as well milk the effort . i felt like i 'd been stabbed all over again . for two months leading up to the day we boarded that plane , i remained afraid of going through with it . yet when you closed your eyes ... . jane , after all , was a little old lady . because you 're scared or because i 'm reading you wrong ? '' `` oh my god , are you listening to me right now ? 