the idea of seriously drinking , of not having control and ... `` how hard do you think this is going to be ? '' not quite as big as a kiss or hug but right up there . we need to get back this evening . oh , gee , that makes me feel better ; knowing that we will both get killed . but then ... '' `` put on your clothes . '' he had left his computer on . he tried calling again , and again got no response . 