i had not been concerned about money for a long time , but now i had a wife to support and the situation was different . his body was so warm , his presence unbelievably comforting . i reached into the pocket of my duster and ... `` what the hell , '' i said . why was it easy to everyone but me to just accept it as a memory , to sacrifice important things for something that wouldnt last ? was he making some kind of statement ? and his daughter felt the same , he could tell . 