he was trying to make light of the way he looked , in the hope of somehow fooling everyone , including himself , into thinking everything was really all right , all fine . that was going to be so awkward . the older man leaned closer to the body that looked more like a charcoal sculpture than a human body . `` and you live at home still ? '' my best friend might die , and im the only person to blame . he looked very young and very wild and desperate . 