he did n't need another reason to be disgusted with himself . `` pull yourself together , '' i screamed in my head . she fell on her knees in front of his door . pointed to a pole at the chin . kelly says from the wooden chair we tied her wrists and ankles to just moments ago . after seeing all the recordings , it finally made sense to her ; he wasnt purely mad . i reached out and pulled her toward the bed , pressing her down to sit . 