i swiped the tears from my eyes before they could roll down my cheeks . i was beyond caring , about a lot of things . i did n't want to go through that , not at all . he sat down on the small lip a few inches away . but i 'm telling you , this is different . `` i did n't start out that way either . people get attached to their firsts , you know . '' his commander turned one cold blue eye his way , the other lost in battle long ago , but said nothing . 