blue kept thinking of what her mother had said : i wo n't be responsible for anything that you see . she did so , but not with open windows to her soul . `` you throw a big word like murder around pretty freely , honor . i try to just shut it off like i normally do , like i promised myself only hours ago i was going to stop doing , but for whatever reason , i ca n't . `` when i give the word , the game will begin . '' 