i stand behind the couch for a second , admiring my father 's new television , hoping he will acknowledge my presence . i stood , taking a moment to drink him in in his designer boxer briefs . and when they stopped treating me like that poor girl whose father was murdered , they started treating me like that girl whose cousin killed three people . i knew that james was going to die , and i knew that it was my fault . `` i 'm being watched , '' creepy clown lady 's voice came on . 