of course she was n't , he told himself . the pain had snapped him back into the moment . her skin prickled like it always did when he looked at her . startled , she looked up , her earlier fear momentarily forgotten . `` like everything in life it is a mystery that has to be figured out on your own to truly understand it . it was as if someone else was controlling my emotions , like a toy , endlessly . `` i do n't want to read about it . 