when i am done with instructions about fuel , and trading , and staying in school , i turn to my mother and grip her arm , hard . i do n't know who else would want me dead or why . she said the last part so softly ; autumn had to lean in to hear her . you have to think only of yourself . the hand was all gripped into a claw but it might as well have been crab legs as far as i was concerned . she was glad to find herself alone for a few minutes . 