rising up on my knees , i wound my fingers into his hair and pulled him closer . `` so , a question for you , '' i said , still feeling i had n't quite got the measure of the man : `` why medicine ? '' billy looked down and shook his head . he could n't put his finger on it but something was seriously wrong . after he had taken me in the shower , i did n't remember much . he wasnt sure how he felt about her but he did love to know she was thinking of him . 