and god only knew if she was still alive . he dropped the knife onto the cutting board and went to his office . part of it is nervous energy . i circle his belly button with my finger . she was facing away , which was why he had n't been able to find her the first time . it was worth it just to see your terrified face . he did n't even tug on his coat until he had dashed halfway down the walk leading to the gorge . 