but he 'd pushed her away , made it clear that he could n't or would n't be with her . i was n't seeing a dead girl in his living room because i had a hard time letting go of my love for him . we can only use the wisdom we learn for future reference . she was in her element , for pete 's sake . just watching those people in their perfect homes with their perfect parents and fantasizing about being part of their perfect lives was not nearly enough . 