my heart begins to race as he says this to me . will you go on your knees while i f**k you ? '' swear to god , if i were n't already dead , this would have long since killed me . i need to know what they do before i can determine anything else . `` for the same reason they wanted to kill me when they did n't know what i thought . '' it took ages for everyone to get to bed ! `` well , get used to it , because i 'm not going anywhere . '' 