he 'd always wanted her , longed for her with a desperation that had scared him , and yet he 'd let her believe he did n't desire her at all , never truly considering the pain it would cause her . the current peace is n't the usual state of affairs . '' but the way he asked that made me want to keep him with me . that 's how i felt , when you were-with your mouth . it was my mother , i finally realized , but i did n't want to leave . 