god ... the pain she was in ... . a small herd of goats , multicolored and bleating , grazed nearby , and a broken-down bay mule stood in a tiny corral at the rear . finally she was so nervous that she put on her jacket and went out to look for him . he still saw himself , in his mind 's eye , as youthful , and when he caught sight of himself in photographs he usually collapsed . `` i 'm not sure god likes the word f**k , honey , '' i told him and his head dropped . 