man would come in and that was just not me. i was just in a state of desperation for many years. i really wanted a man in my life so badly it was pathetic. it was pathetic because it took so much of my time and it took so much out of me. i realized that every time i did that i would give myself away. i was not keeping the most important part. and the most important part was what god wanted to use of me. i had found myself in a place where i was giving my best to the man who deserved it--and that was jesus in 