`` oh , god ... why are you doing this to yourself . '' he knew it was done , of course , but it was shocking to see it happening . for this reason he had to lead the way even though it was clear he didnt want to . inside , the bed was as neatly made as the day she showed the room to him . i stared at andys blue eyes while he told me to hold on . so ill do it for that reason and no other . 