i was willing to hurt anyone just to feel better . my demons were as much a part of me as my black hair and blue eyes , so her fear that i 'd become a different person without them was just useless worry . the only thing he could do would seem cruel , but it had to be done . `` so you 're using me as a stepping stone for power and position ? '' i could tell him right now , of course . `` and please , take notice how i 'm not asking in kind . 