she grumbled as she half awoke , but did n't put up further protest . what if their kids could barely read because of him ? yet not for one moment did i feel the slightest attraction . '' no , worse than that , because now she knew exactly what she was missing . jumping up , startled , i looked towards the front of the library where the noise came from . well , anyway , i dont know how to explain this stuff , i said . i 'd put us in an all-or-nothing life . 