we climb the creaky stairs of the porch , cross the creaking boards , then turn the brass handle of the door . then it is gone , i am laid down , my head falls into , into sand . my eyes never left the floor . his lips were cut like a man 's should be , not too smooth or too thin . his face had gone completely pale . but at least i felt i 'd put the ball into bill 's court . `` i 'm going to pretend i did n't hear that . 