douglas was lurching awkwardly and had his arm around the short man who was holding him up . there was some raising before the flop and on the flop he bet $ 50 , i raised $ 50 , and he called . on the third floor landing she stopped to catch her breath . `` sometimes i feel like i have no clue what i 'm doing . '' through it all , ruth said little , but in her eyes and her touch i felt the echo of my words . `` you were n't taught anything , were you ? '' 