`` but was n't that what you expected ? '' i rub his head until his breathing slows and he falls asleep . for the first time in her adult life , she felt good and convenient with the current state . but if you 're too tired or do n't feel like it , then that 's fine . he threw himself into the driver 's seat , started the engine and threw it into reverse . when i 'd stopped coughing , taken a sip of wine , then several breaths , i tried again . 