i grip the edge of the table , needing to hold onto something because i feel like i 'm about to tumble into darkness , but i do n't know why . her face relaxed like shed just recognized a long lost friend . so i told him to suck it up . '' all the more terrible for being the second son the poor father had lost in less than five years . its just another part of me . `` listen to me , '' she says firmly , taking my face in her hands . 