he hates growing old , being counted out . i had hoped that my cooking would cover up the unusual smell but after barely a minute lucy smelled it . perhaps he 'd left it for me in the hospital , but if so , it had almost certainly been thrown away after his death . it was n't her fault , after all . if i want my heart back then yeah , the past needs to be buried in the past . not his usual wheaties with skim milk and bananas , either . her hands fisted around the covers . 