he could still give himself to the order , become a counselor in some village , but what would that gain him ? she could take some of the blame for those , but not for other changes . when i say go , you need to follow me without question . because i could hear drinking and what have you in the background , people ordering and whatnot . i shake my head and step back . he shrugged slightly and folded his hands over his waist . all of it lumped together , and i felt ugly . 