he smiles watching him die slowly . she did n't try to collect things . she bent , with some effort , to stroke the smooth head of a golden retriever who lay on a rug near the stove . i let out a scream as i was grabbed from behind . he nodded slightly as if he could read her mind . it was just coming up to five in the morning and i was dog tired but i still listened to him moving around , getting dressed , going into the living room . i never fully committed to our routine . 