he would have liked a little more time to think about these matters . he spotted a figure leading the charge through the woods wearing what looked like a wolf 's head . he was hands-on and usually that was a good thing . `` i was just thinking how my life is totally different from the way i expected it to turn out when i was a little girl . '' if i felt that horrible when he let go of my hand , i didnt want to ever think about what i would feel if anything ever happened to him . 