i thought i was stronger than it ... but when i woke up , and you were gone , and i could n't see anything ... '' she broke down in tears again , and it was all i could do to get a grip on my own emotions . some of the training also changes your brain , how it works , but you have to let it . he muttered something to me about clean clothes , but i just put that down to the knock on the head . i indicated the couch , and they settled on it . 