he was n't in the living area , which meant that he could only be in his office . i grant you , its been a rough road . clutched in both hands was a bread knife . i used my spatula to flip the burgers one at a time from the grill to the kids . the people behind me press me forward , away from my family , who will be the last ones to leave . maybe it was being caught in the moment , or maybe they 're built that way . '' 