he smiles with a big grin and tenderly pats her shaky hands . `` oh love , it 's not your heart i 'm playing with . but they still remained cold and distant . he always looks at me like he wants to kill me . if i could keep just one child 's life from becoming what mine had been , that would give me a sense of accomplishment . are you going to tell me how much she likes me again ? '' i felt further from him than i had in all the lonely months that had gone before . 