he paused and then spoke with peculiar , measured emphasis : `` i was going to quit it . i loved c-cool from the moment i pulled into the parking lot . `` there , there , it only hurts for a second . '' simple things , yet somehow life-changing . the evening had turned into night . i got up and looked in the bathroom mirror . she drew in a shaky breath then let it out but still she said nothing . a time he wanted to return to . 