he was a helper , and once his help was no longer needed , he 'd be out of the equation . they looked as though they were suited up for war . the shower curtain ruffles and the hooks it hangs from clink as theyre pushed back . a swirling black disk appeared out of nowhere . he 'd never thought about them , not until he 'd stood on that balcony this morning . the small part of my brain thats still running outside of the im going to drown conversation is still counting . 