is within our grasp. when we speak of “that problem,” it’s a little more distant, something which is perhaps out of reach. we both might have a little more ownership of “this problem”, but perhaps be more objective about “that problem” because it’s more distant.
likewise, if i mention “your problem,” clearly i’m not taking any ownership of it. i may be no help at all, and indeed might be using this in a negative fashion to place blame and apply pressure.
if we call it “the problem,” now it’s become something that we’re both less engaged in. it’s just sitting there, waiting for us to observe and describe it.
the point of 