he was holding one out to me , and a tiny pool of water was gathering in his open palm . outside of work , they kept busy together . being alone would be easier if i liked myself . i thought you understood how i wanted my senior year . `` because you 're smart enough to understand that if you did know where he was and did n't tell me , it would not go well for you . '' he did n't protest , just packing me up a container of cookies to take . 