if only he knew how important this is . i was pretty mad at you and made you take us all to a hotel instead . even if i lost , it was n't going to be the worst night in the world . all the men had turned , eyes on me , as i ran across the loft to the dresser . but gods , that sounded even worse . the other was that if something went wrong , if one of us was hurt-or , god forbid , killed-he would never forgive himself for not being able to perform a healing . 