`` do you need to be holding a knife when you do it ? '' she 'd been waiting ; i knew it to my core . this causes a heavy feeling to lodge in my throat . i could do anything in the world , anything at all , and i 'm still choosing this life . once upon a time it had seemed right that he should be . it was just a matter of figuring out how to accomplish his goal . drew tried to stall for time , im not sure , it doesnt look quite right somehow . 