it seemed that whatever had made her sick was evidently now flushed away down the toilet . i pull a cherry sucker out of my pocket , rip off the wrapper , and stick it into my mouth , but it does n't bring the relief i need so badly . `` you 're not hurting me , cole . `` well ... '' i started but clearly did n't speak quickly enough for esther spoke . he sounded surprised , and suddenly shy . they need to understand what was lost and who gave their lives for us all to carry on . 