he wasnt thinking of his father any more . you wo n't risk it that way . and when you 're gone , i ca n't function right . he said to bring the past memory they shared forth for her . and he had the nagging feeling that maybe she was n't the liar and cheat he thought she was . somehow taking that trip now seemed fitting . i blinked hard , as if i were waking up after a long , restless night . cricket looks for my reaction again , and i ca n't help but laugh . 