she yawned and sat up , rubbing the sleep from her eyes and blinking rapidly in the harsh light of the new morning . `` i wish to have a private conversation with my mother . `` there 's a ladder built on the outside . he had never killed a man before , and he never believed in violence or murder , but this man was ready to put millions of lives at risk . he might as well have been wearing a sign around his neck . we can pretend the last five months never happened . '' 