but i 'm a doctor , he told himself , this is a purely professional matter . he started to wonder if their `` going out '' would reduce to zero everything they had . she did n't know what he was doing , but she did n't pull away . more than that , i 'd wanted to get my first time over with . `` wow , you 're really serious about this girl , '' i said . hes not answering his cell phone . he went down again , this time covering his whole head from fear of another blow . 