( CNN ) The recent controversy over a video showing University of Oklahoma students , who also were members of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity , reciting a racist chant revealed a key difference in approaches to parenting . The university said Levi Pettit and Parker Rice encouraged their brothers to sing the lyrics , which included multiple references to the `` n-word '' and mention of lynching . The two young men were expelled . And the fraternity was shut down . What caught my attention was the reaction of the families — the Pettits and the Rices . They could n't have been more different . That convinced me that this story was n't just about racist and juvenile behavior , but also about parenting . Who raised these kids ? And should n't they have been taught better ? At some point , did n't it occur to these young men that they were not only shaming themselves , but also their families ? In Dallas , protesters gathered outside the Rice home , holding signs with messages such as : `` Racism is taught . '' Parker Rice issued a statement , which was delivered to the Dallas Morning News by his father , Bob Rice . In it , Parker apologized for actions that he called `` wrong and reckless . '' However , Bob Rice had no response to the controversy . He told reporters : `` At the moment , we are not doing interviews . '' That is not good enough . Parenthood is n't like politics . It does n't come with a `` no comment '' button we can press when the job gets uncomfortable . We have n't heard from Levi Pettit . His parents , Brody and Susan , addressed their son 's misbehavior in a statement , which was given to the newspaper and posted on the family 's website . It read in part : . `` As parents of Levi , we love him and care for him deeply . He made a horrible mistake , and will live with the consequences forever . However , we also know the depth of our son 's character . He is a good boy , but what we saw in those videos is disgusting . While it may be difficult for those who only know Levi from the video to understand , we know his heart , and he is not a racist . ... `` Of course , we are sad for our son -- but more importantly , we apologize to the community he has hurt . We would also like to apologize to the entire African-American community , University of Oklahoma student body and administration . Our family has the responsibility to apologize , and also to seek forgiveness and reconciliation . '' That 's an impressive statement . I applaud the Pettits for stepping up and refusing to blindly defend their son , as many parents might have done . They did what parents are supposed to do : They took responsibility for the actions of the person they raised . Who knew that would be so controversial ? Ever since the apologies were offered , there 's been discussions in this country about whether it 's really necessary for parents to apologize for the actions of their grown children . Last week , while hosting a radio show in San Diego , I brought up the story of the video and pointed to the different approaches that the Rices and the Pettits have to parenting -- all the way from `` we are not doing interviews '' to `` our family has the responsibility to apologize . '' The Pettits had the right idea , I insisted . A caller disagreed , saying he did n't see why he should have to apologize if his adult son did something wrong . `` He 's his own person , '' he said . Based on what I 've heard in the last few days , I would imagine that there are many people who agree with the caller . They seem to believe that , when their son or daughter turns 18 , their job is finished . They ca n't wait to wash their hands of any additional responsibility , and they might even frame their retreat as a way of advancing the principle that everyone should take responsibility for his own actions . That sounds good . But I do n't think it 's either/or . Of course , individuals should take responsibility for their actions . Yet , as the Pettits demonstrated with their statement , when something goes terribly wrong , there is usually enough responsibility to go around . When appropriate , parents can take a slice . Besides , I bet a lot of parents believe -- as I do -- that we should never stop loving our children . But at some point , it 's perfectly fine for us to just stop claiming them as our own ? It just looks like some parents ca n't wait to find the exit . Here 's an idea . We tell people to drink responsibly . We tell them to drive responsibly . We need to start telling them to parent responsibly . After all , parenting a child is the most important job that many of us will have in this world . And there is no date of retirement .
The controversy over University of Oklahoma students reciting a racist chant raises a number of issues . Ruben Navarrette : Is it necessary for parents to apologize for the bad actions of their grown children ?