A writer and mother has candidly revealed that she was left emotionally 'scarred ' by her agonizing drug-free childbirth and struggling with a condition known as postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder following the delivery of her daughter . Toronto-based mother-of-one Tara-Michelle Ziniuk recalled how the traumatizing birth of her now four-year-old daughter Anna left her with nightmares and vivid memories of her painful experience in an essay for Today 's Parent . 'At the time , in that moment , I remember very clearly thinking I wanted it to stop more than I wanted to have my baby , ' she wrote . 'It was horrible . I was exhausted and borderline suicidal . ' Traumatic event : Tara-Michelle Ziniuk ( not pictured ) said she was left with nightmares following the painful , drug-free birth of her daughter Anna , who is now four-years-old . Miss Ziniuk explained that by the time she asked for something to help with the pain she was 'too far along for it to be administered . ' The mom , who suffered from painful cramping almost her entire life because of her endometriosis , said she dreaded the idea of giving birth before she had even gotten pregnant , noting that although she wanted to 'experience pregnancy ' , she never wanted to 'experience childbirth ' . When it was time for her baby to be welcomed into the world , Miss Ziniuk passed on having an epidural because the prenatal class she had attended was 'biased towards natural home births ' . According to Postpartum Support International , symptoms of postpartum PTSD may include : . Intrusive recollection of a past traumatic event , including child birth . Flashbacks or nightmares . Avoidance of stimuli associated with the event , including thoughts , feelings , people , places and details of the event . Persistent increased arousal , including irritability , difficulty sleeping , hypervigilance and exaggerated startle response . Anxiety and panic attacks . Feeling a sense of unreality and detachment . Miss Ziniuk , who is currently co-parenting her daughter , was a single mother at the time of her pregnancy . She said she was given information that made her 'fear epidurals , pain medications and any other “ unnecessary ” interventions '' ' , although she noted that there was no 'shame associated ' if the interventions were needed for medical reasons . 'The contractions felt like an extreme version of the menstrual cramps I ’ d experienced with endometriosis , ' she recalled . 'It also felt similar to chronic illness in that I felt like I had no control over what was happening - a familiar , yet difficult , experience for me . ' Miss Ziniuk wrote that she 'disassociated ' and wanted her personal support system and her midwife to leave her alone because she 'did n't want to talk to anyone ' . Tara-Michelle ( pictured ) said she hated giving birth . ' I felt disgusting and embarrassed and sick ; nothing was comfortable or bearable . I wanted it to stop , ' she recalled . Although Miss Ziniuk said that her daughter 's birth was 'not complicated ' , it was a 'long early labor ' . Her water never broke , and her daughter even came out with a scratch on her head from the doctor trying to break her water for her . After her experience in the delivery room , Miss Ziniuk started having nightmares and was unable to talk about her experience when others asked about her birthing experience . She was eventually diagnosed as having PTSD - the same condition that plagues soldiers who have engaged in war-time battles . According to Postpartum Support International , one to six percent of women experience postpartum PTSD , an illness that can be caused by a real or perceived trauma during delivery or after childbirth . While Postpartum PTSD greatly differs from postpartum depression , which is a form of depression that results from the hormonal changes that occur in a woman 's body , they can occur at the same time in certain cases . But both conditions are temporary and can be treated with professional help . Although Miss Ziniuk explained she struggles with recommending drug-free childbirth , she knows that her terrible experience was specific to her particular situation . She ended her essay by saying : 'My wish that I was unable to recall my daughter ’ s birth does not negate the good that came from becoming her mother - but my experience of parenthood to date has had nothing to do with my so-called natural childbirth .
Tara-Michelle Ziniuk , from Canada , Toronto , recalled how the birth of her four-year-old daughter Anna left her with nightmares . One to six percent of women experience postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder , according to Postpartum Support International .