( CNN ) Hugh Hefner 's Playboy Mansion was a gilded cage for former Hef companion Holly Madison . In her new memoir , `` Down the Rabbit Hole , '' Madison -- one of the stars of the Playboy-centered E ! reality series `` The Girls Next Door '' -- says that living in the mansion was n't all sex and good times . `` Life inside the notorious mansion was n't a dream at all -- and quickly became her nightmare , '' the promotional material states , according to Us Weekly . `` After losing her identity , her sense of self-worth , and her hope for the future , Holly found herself sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide . '' Madison also details stories of backstabbing Bunnies and very strict house rules . Some of Madison 's revelations wo n't be news to anyone who 's ever read about the recent life of Hefner , the Playboy founder , whose most recent marriage was to Crystal Harris in 2012 . Former spouse Kimberley Conrad described Hefner as `` very controlling , '' and he 's a man of routine . The 88-year-old has a passion for old movies and old friends , and he keeps more than 2,000 scrapbooks about his life . The mansion -- except for Hefner 's bedroom -- is kept immaculate . And the sex ? A `` couple times a week , '' Hefner told The New York Times in 2010 . Madison is now married to promoter Pasquale Rotella and has a young daughter . Her memoir is due out in June . `` I 'm excited to finally share my story and what I 've learned from my personal experiences both inside and outside of the Playboy Mansion , '' she told Us . `` I think my stories will surprise people , and I 'm looking forward to lifting the veil of mystique and clearing up the misconceptions so often associated with my life . ''
Former Us Weekly companion Holly Madison has a memoir coming out . In it , she says she contemplated suicide , according to a report . `` I think my stories will surprise people , '' Madison told Hugh Hefner .