( CNN ) -- `` Balls . That 's how a family shows its power , '' declares Johnny Depp as Barnabas Collins in `` Dark Shadows '' to the bemused descendants gathered around the dinner table . In his day -- the 1700s -- throwing a party was a political act . But 200 years later -- in 1972 , to be exact -- balls are out of style . Women 's lib is in the air , and his movie is loaded with powerful , independent women . The hippies are dropping out . And vampires are an anachronism . I better admit from the start I never saw Dan Curtis ' spooky `` Dark Shadows '' soap opera , a curio that ran from 1966 to 1971 . The belated blockbuster edition arrives courtesy of director Tim Burton , star Depp and `` Pride and Prejudice and Zombies '' scribe Seth Grahame-Smith , a mash-up monster squad possibly more inclined to camp than Curtis was , and certainly more tickled by the nostalgic `` modernity '' of the Nixon era . The fruit of their labors is mostly weirdly amusing -- when it 's not just plain bemusing -- but hardly the wacky parody the trailers suggest . And it falls well short of satire . The gags are there alright , but so is the soap in roughly equal measure . Always stronger on gothic atmosphere than story , Burton dedicates unwarranted screentime to the Collins ' dull fortunes in the fish canning business ( I 'm not kidding ) . More promisingly , he dishes up tortured romance more or less straight -- or as straight as a romantic triangle between an angry witch , a lovelorn vampire and a corpse is ever likely to be -- and smuggles at least a smidgeon of heartfelt emotional baggage into the spectacularly dysfunctional dynamics of the Collins clan . As we know by now , in Burton 's films being a misfit is a mark of distinction . And if Depp 's Barnabas is by his own admission an accursed monster with buckets of blood on his hands , he 's more or less absolved of moral guilt , redeemed by his loyalty , integrity and commitment to the family . On top of which , Depp is fun . He 's a vision in monochrome with his pasty complexion , black cape and hair . His elongated fingers weave mesmerizing dainty webs in thin air , and he pounces on each and every syllable of ripe 18th century rhetoric for maximum pomp . But scratch the surface and this turns out to be another arch , hollow turn from an actor who seems to treat his roles like extended party pieces , sniffing out any excuse for vaudeville and hang the consequences . His Barnabas is the life of the party but impossible to take seriously as a tormented soul . Despite his protestations , there is precious little heat between him and his beloved , Victoria ( an intriguingly wan Bella Heathcote ) . If you ca n't join him , beat him : that seems to be Eva Green 's game , effectively out-vamping Depp as Barnabas ' spurned lover and nemesis , brittle , randy sorceress Angelique . Also preening for attention but given rather less to play is Michelle Pfeiffer -- who must have thought she was back in Eastwick -- as Elizabeth Collins Stoddard , the de facto head of the family , Helena Bonham Carter Burton as dypso head-doctor Julia Hoffman and Chloe Grace Moretz as Elizabeth 's very adolescent daughter Caroline . Then there is Alice Cooper as plain old Alice Cooper . They 're all troupers , but step back a moment , you might feel a bit queasy about a picture that shrugs off multiple murders and vilifies an abused housemaid who rebels against the old European social hierarchies . Unfortunately , Burton and Depp 's ironic , detached treatment invites just that kind of idle reflection . The architecture looks grand , but the foundations are shaky .
`` Dark Shadows '' is based on Dan Curtis ' spooky soap opera of the same name . Depp is a vision in monochrome with his pasty complexion , black hair and cape . Burton dedicates unwarranted time to the Collins ' dull fortunes in the fish canning business .