( CNN ) -- A lifetime may be too short to recover from the loss of a child , let alone just a year . Nicole Hockley knows this . Adam Lanza shot dead her 6-year-old son , Dylan . Her wounds are still raw . And the release Wednesday of the 911 calls to police after Lanza charged into Sandy Hook Elementary with an assault rifle was like rubbing salt on those wounds . `` I have no desire whatsoever to hear the slaughter of 26 people , including my 6-year-old boy . And I ca n't imagine why anyone else would want to hear that as well , '' Hockley told CNN . She absolutely did not want a judge to release the recordings of the December 14 massacre in Newtown , Connecticut , that claimed the lives of 20 first-graders and six teachers . After the release , media organizations struggled with how to handle the material . Some news outlets , including CNN , opted to air portions of the recordings , including a 911 call from a school secretary , one from a teacher and one from a janitor . Other news organizations decided not to use any of the material directly , instead describing some of the recordings in news coverage without airing or posting any of the contents . Hockley says she 'll do her best to avoid hearing the voices describing the horror of that day , of gunfire popping in the background . But she 's afraid of happenstance . `` I do n't know if I 'm going to turn on the radio one day , or turn on the TV one day , or be Googling on something and just happen to come across them by accident , '' Hockley said . Bringing back memories . Parents of the murdered students were able to leverage the law to prevent the release of the crime scene photos from that day . But some of them are upset they could n't hold back the 911 recordings . The Associated Press had requested they be made public in accordance with the Freedom of Information Act . Scenes of grieving parents on the day of the shooting are still vivid in the mind of Sen. Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut . Now that the call recordings are out , he 's concerned about the pain they 'll cause . `` I think the tapes bring back those memories , '' he said . But the appeals judge , who upheld the decision to release them , did n't really have a choice , he said . Judge Eliot Prescott was afraid that holding them back would `` fuel speculation about and undermine confidence in our law enforcement officials . '' The good in the bad . Cristina Hassinger , who lost her mother to Lanza 's bullets , agrees with Prescott 's decision -- despite her personal anguish . Hassinger 's mother , Dawn Hochsprung , was the school principal . She was confronting Lanza when he gunned her down . Hassinger believes that knowing is better than not knowing . The calls belong to the American public , she said . And they can help the country deal with future shootings . `` They do n't belong to the victims ' families , painful as they may be , and there is nothing on the recordings that violates the victims ' privacy , '' Hassinger said . `` The public has the right to know . '' Psychologists divided . Psychologists were divided on how to handle the calls . Judy Ho frowns on their release , particularly the effect they might have on children who hear them . `` There are computers everywhere . Even if you have parental control , kids can get past that and listen to these tapes themselves , '' she told CNN 's Don Lemon . She fears the exposure will trigger post-traumatic stress disorder , even in people who have no connection to the school or its community . But clinical psychologist Jeff Gardere believes that the pain of reliving those moments will help people process the trauma . `` I think listening to these tapes , of course , will open old wounds . But sometimes you do have to open them in order to clean them out . '' Neil Heslin purposely used the recordings to reopen his own . `` I had felt it was something that I needed to do , that I wanted to do , '' he said . `` Just to know . Jesse was my son . I brought him into the world . '' Jesse died at Lanza 's hands . `` You can only try to imagine what it 's like to lose a child , '' Heslin said . `` And unless you 've lost a child , you ca n't imagine . The best description I can give is it 's like losing a leg and an arm ... and not being able to hold yourself up or support yourself . '' Heslin got to spend just six short years with his son before Jessie was lowered into the ground . And this holiday season will be especially tough for his family . Heslin plans to take down a Christmas tree he set up with Jesse after Thanksgiving last year . They planned to decorate it in a few days . They never did . CNN 's Pamela Brown and Deborah Feyerick contributed to this report .
Newtown lost her son Nicole Hockley , this holiday season , in the Nicole Hockley shooting . She opposed the release of the 26 call recordings and fears hearing them by chance . Other victims ' loved ones support the release ; they want the public to know . Psychologists say the release can help or hurt family members and others .