( CNN ) It was January 2014 and I was sitting on the beach in Malibu looking out at the seemingly endless Pacific Ocean , ebbing and flowing . I had just begun a personal project of challenging my lifelong assumption that God exists . You see , I had been a Seventh-day Adventist pastor for 19 years . I resigned from my pastoral position the year before , but now I stepped away from my faith altogether . It was a gut-wrenching decision but I could n't see any other way to find peace and clarity . I encountered major theological differences with my denomination and evangelical Christianity in general , including the way it marginalizes women and LGBT people . I questioned the problem of evils and God 's general silence and inactivity . I sought out more liberal theologies and found them to be the slow death of God . Now I had to face the very real possibility that God does not exist . Would I discover that God was present and involved , or would I discover that the whole web of theological claims I had embraced and helped develop were false ? I was feeling small against the beautiful and terrifyingly indifferent sea before me . Then I started to feel grateful . `` What are the chances that I would be sitting on this beach right now , looking at this remarkable scene of beauty ? '' I thought . I was struck again by how unlikely my existence is . One question I 've been repeatedly asked is how my life has any meaning without God . While I had heard dozens of Christian apologists claim that meaning can not be found without God , I had a curious experience . My appreciation for life and its potential increased when I stepped away from my faith . Atheists are often accused of being nihilists or absurdists . Absurdism is a school of thought arguing that humanity 's effort to find inherent meaning in life is futile . Nihilism goes further and in doing so becomes a mood or a disposition as well as a philosophical frame of mind . Nihilism says that nothing matters at all . `` If there is no God , then man and the universe are doomed . Like prisoners condemned to death , we await our unavoidable execution . There is no God , and there is no immortality . And what is the consequence of this ? It means that life itself is absurd . It means that the life we have is without ultimate significance , value , or purpose , '' writes William Lane Craig , a Christian apologist . But my experience is that acknowledging the absence of God has helped me refocus on the wonderful and unlikely life I do have . This realization has increased my appreciation for beauty and given me a sense of immediacy about my life . As I come to terms with the fact that this life is the only one I get , I am more motivated than ever to make it count . I want to experience as much happiness and pleasure as I can while helping others to attain their happiness . I construct meaning in my life from many sources , including love , family , friendships , service , learning and so on . Popular Christian theology , on the other hand , renders this life less meaningful by anchoring all notions of value and purpose to a paradise somewhere in the future , in a place other than where we are right now . Ironically , my Christian upbringing taught me that ultimately this life does n't matter , which tends to make believers apathetic about suffering and think that things will only get worse before God suddenly solves everything on the last day . Behold , atheists ' new Ten Commandments . It struck me this year that nihilism is a disease born of theism . Some people have been taught to expect meaning outside of this world beyond our earthly experiences . When they come upon the many absurdities of life and see that it 's `` not as advertised , '' an existential despair can take hold . The problem is not solved by inventing a God in which to place all our hopes , but rather , to face life honestly and create beauty from the absurd . Without dependency on a cosmic savior who is coming to rescue us , we are free to recognize that we are the ones we 're waiting for . If we do n't make the world a fair and habitable place , no one else is going to do it for us . Our lives matter because our choices affect others and our children 's future . Life does not need a divine source in order to be meaningful . Anyone who has seen a breathtaking sunset or fallen in love with another human being knows that we make meaning from the experiences of our lives ; we construct it the way we construct any social narrative . Free from false expectations we are free to create purpose , share love , and enjoy the endless beauty of our world . We are the fortunate ones . There is no need for fear to have the last word .
John Bell , former Christian turned author , says we do n't need a divinity to find God . Bell : The absence of God has made him appreciate life and its potential even more .