( CNN ) -- I am a product of the `` The Black Church . '' It shaped me into who I am today : a Christian pastor aware of God 's amazing grace and love . When I announced I was gay , the church limited that grace and love . Although I had no doubt that God loved me , I discovered that God 's love and the church 's love can be two different things . To be Christian is to be inclusive of people who love one another . This is why I support same-sex marriage . As a pastor , I have counseled countless heterosexual and homosexual couples , and have observed that no matter the race , background or sexual orientation of the couple , a healthy relationship requires commitment , genuine respect and mutual love . Though my partner and I had a commitment ceremony in 2003 , and obtained a marriage license this past July in Washington D.C. , we learned that marriage is more than our religious convictions and our commitment , but also about laws that will protect us . Marriage equality is not about religious rights , but the right to equal benefits . At the end of 2003 , the U.S. Government Accountability Office identified 1,138 federal provisions where marital status is a factor in determining or receiving benefits , rights and privileges . These include next-of-kin hospital visits and medical decisions where one partner is too ill to be competent ; automatic inheritance in the absence of a will and inheritance of jointly owned real and personal property through the right of survivorship . These benefits allow all marriages access to the social and emotional supports that can produce healthy families and communities . I affirm the role of religion in our society . But no matter how powerful religion is , in the United States , the laws of the church and the laws of the government are intentionally separate . Another view from the pulpit : Same-sex marriages will hurt families . In 1968 , 73 percent of Americans disapproved of marriage between blacks and whites . Then , it was argued that interracial marriage would hurt families and dismantle societal structures . In 1967 , the Supreme court ended race-based restrictions on marriage in Loving vs. Virginia . Today , support of interracial marriage is stronger than it has ever been . So is support of same-sex marriage . Like interracial couples , gay couples are seeking equality under the law , asking their government for these rights , not individuals , or religious bodies . If same-sex marriage is about love and religion is about love , then in this debate , love must go both ways . We must not be hateful in our disagreements over marriage . Verbal and emotional abuse should have no place in our sacred places of worship . The pulpit should not be used as a place of abuse even if one disagrees with same-sex marriage . Jesus never mentioned homosexuality in his 33 years of life . But in Mark 12:31 , he did emphasize , `` ... thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself . There is none other commandment greater than these . '' The apostle Paul said : `` Be kindly affectionate one to another with brotherly love ; in honor preferring one another . '' I wonder what the debate over same-sex-marriage would be like if we applied this basic scripture ? True equality can begin when we see others as we see ourselves . I believe there is room to disagree , but just because we do n't agree on my legal rights does not mean I am not entitled to them . The gay community must also learn how to love those who disagree with them . If heterosexual couples and gay couples could see their commonality , equality would not just be the law of the land , but it could be a new law for humanity that governs our fragile future . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of O.C . Allen .
O.C . Allen says he is a member of ` ` The Black Church , '' which helped shape him into a pastor . When he announced he was gay , he found that God 's love and the church 's love could mix . He and Mary married ; he says he realized marriage about right to equal benefits under God . Allen : Gay and heterosexual couples must see their commonality .