Los Angeles ( CNN ) -- Nadya Suleman on Thursday blamed the creation of the `` Octomom character '' that she has become synonymous with in part on a California fertility specialist who , she said , had her sign a consent form while she was drugged . The California woman said she did not mean to have eight children in January 2009 , in addition to the six she already had . But while she admitted she did want more children , she insisted she was in no condition to understand a form Dr. Michael Kamrava put in front of her before implanting 12 embryos . `` He wrote something , he gave it to me to sign , '' Suleman told HLN 's Dr. Drew Pinsky on Thursday night . She said she was then on `` a cocktail of drugs '' including Valium at the Beverly Hills doctor 's office because her uterus was contracting . `` I signed it , and I did n't read it . '' Kamrava lost his California medical license July 1 after state officials ruled that he committed `` gross negligence '' with `` repeated negligent acts , for an excessive number of embryo transfers '' into Suleman in 2008 , the state 's medical board wrote . The same report determined that the doctor felt the implantation was driven `` by the patient 's wishes . '' During a hearing for the doctor last October , it was revealed Suleman still has 29 frozen embryos in storage . Contrary to some reports , though , the 36-year-old woman insisted Thursday that she does n't want any more children . That said , the single mother -- who said she has been celibate for 12 years , and had all 14 children by in vitro fertilization -- admitted that she chose to have children in part to address her emotional baggage . `` Is it fair to have a bunch of kids help solve your emotional issues ? Of course not , '' she said . `` With children , I feel so safe in my predictable world . They will never leave me . Kids love you , unconditionally . '' Suleman admits that she has a host of problems , including anxiety , panic attacks , hyperactivity and obsessive compulsive disorder . `` My brain and body are racing constantly , '' she added , noting she exercises extensively and only gets two hours of sleep a night . But expressing regret for contributing to `` this mess ( that ) has deleteriously affected my kids , '' Suleman said that she 's now speaking out in part to refute having been made into what she called a `` parody without permission . '' `` I have the spotlight , I know it 's my responsibility ( for my kids ) to brush it away and get rid of the Octomom character , '' she said . With no steady income and expenses of over $ 18,000 a month , Suleman has struggled to get by raising her children . She has previously hosted a yard sale at her La Habra , California , home to deal with the hardship , and had reportedly signed on to be on the HDNet reality TV show `` Celebridate . '' And now , Suleman said she is grateful for money she gets from media interviews , especially with overseas outlets . She also claims to have received `` hundreds of death threats , '' some targeting her children , as well as a few female stalkers . `` I am hated in my hometown , '' she said . Still , Suleman said that despite the difficulties she feels things are improving . And despite her admitted anxiety , paranoia and continued efforts to shield her children -- barring any television or Internet in the house -- she is most at peace at home . `` I feel safest at home with my kids , '' she said . `` And I want to be only there , that 's my favorite time at night , in my pajamas playing Twister . ''
Nadya Suleman gave birth to 8 kids in 2009 , after being implanted with 12 embryos . She says she was `` on a cocktail of drugs '' when a fertility doctor had her consent . The single mother admits that she had kids in part to address her emotional issues . But the reality is that it's not uncommon for women who are infertile or have other health problems to give up their babies because they don't want them anymore.