London , England ( CNN ) -- I did n't need to read the findings of a recent Australian research study to know that most women who live with their mates have more body fat than those who do n't . For 10 years , researchers studied nearly 6,500 women , age 18 to 23 , and found , according to one of the study 's authors , Dr. Wendy J . Brown , that `` Women with no partner and no baby averaged 11 pounds over 10 years . With a partner and no baby they gained about 15 pounds , and if they had a partner and a baby they gained 20 pounds . '' ( The findings appear in the February issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine . ) Researchers can speculate on the reasons for this , but it 's not news to me . Of the thousands of women I 've met who are desperately seeking to reshape their bodies , almost all are living with -- or just moved away from -- a partner . While I have heard many voices , their story is the same : They lust , then love . With lust comes starvation ; with love , over-consumption and under-exercise . Their love transforms from the physical to the emotional , and this usually happens after they decide to live together . But once they lift their heads above the fog of love , they look down to find that their butts are sagging , bellies are bulging and thighs have taken on interesting new shapes ! Come to think of it , many of the men who knock on my door looking for their abdominal muscles also deteriorated soon after moving in with their mates . Think about your man . Does he have the same waistline measurement as when you first signed the lease or mortgage papers ? Probably not . In fact , it probably got even worse for both of you after your first child , did n't it ? ( The new Australian research references an earlier study that showed an increase in obesity in men once they 'd had children . ) Like the smokers I know , the overwhelming majority of whom hate to smoke , many women develop unhealthy patterns ( like snacking on junk food at home ) that lead to unhealthy bodies , which lead to a seriously unhealthy lack of self-esteem . We become `` less desirable , '' a phrase I hear far too often . Once we arrive at this place , the frantic search begins . Many of us will do anything to recover what was once our youthful body . Sadly , many waste time and money on fad diets , pills and potions . They end up doing the yo-yo thing , torturing their bodies through obsessive experimentation with an endless list of exercise programs , almost all of which fail them , because the will to really change behavior is not yet there . So , what can we do ? First , we must think about the quality and standards of our everyday behavior more than the end result . If we can just focus on gradual improvement of our diet and our exercise programs , we will likely regain our healthier , slimmer form . But more important , we will also build our self-respect . So , taking intelligent steps ( i.e. , coming up with a rational workout plan or shopping for fresher and healthier foods and eating them , not impulse snacks ) , carrying the steps out consistently -- more frequently and for a longer duration -- will have a huge net benefit on our bottoms and our bottom line : love . Next , we should include our mates in our process . In my experience , for example , couples who work out together have greater success in achieving their health and weight loss goals . They also seem to get along much better and stay together longer . Transform your personal physical development time into `` date time , '' doing something as simple as taking regular after-dinner walks together . Finally , cut back , but do n't cut out the fun stuff . When we are consistent with our diet and exercise programs , there is no need for maniacal starvation . We do n't need to sit at the dinner table with a radish on our plate , while our children and mates enjoy full meals . A healthy diet should not be some kind of intruder in our relationships , it should be a natural part of our lives . Besides , fun foods are what make our love lives more interesting and memorable . So eat ! But only if you do the work on the other side of those calories . Having a healthy , fit and feminine physique and a deeply loving emotional relationship are not mutually exclusive . You can have both ; and it can be done in a fun and positive way . For those of you about to move in , heed this advice : Start your program now , before your belly and your mate 's interest start to sag ! I promise : if you do n't quit , you 'll have a body that wo n't quit ! The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Tracy Anderson .
Trainer Tracy Anderson not surprised study how women with partners gain weight . When people change , she says , they become lax in eating , fitness habits . Sticking to rational diet , exercise plan and regular exercise key to staying slim , she says . Question : Moving in together ? Start fitness program now .