( CNN ) -- While the country 's been debating Woody Allen and Dylan Farrow , I 've been thinking about Alaska , where a staggering 59 % of women are subjected to sexual or intimate partner violence , including threats of violence , in their lives . Farrow expanded recently on the allegation that Allen , maker of the films `` Manhattan '' and `` Annie Hall , '' sexually assaulted her as a young girl . She stared at a toy train set while it happened , she wrote in a blog post for the New York Times . Toy trains still haunt her . Allen denies the allegations . The truth in that long-debated case may never be known , and I do n't want to parse the details , since plenty of others have . But this much I can say for certain : If a survivor comes to you with a story of sexual abuse , you should start from a place of belief and compassion . Not doing so can ruin a person 's life . Related : The rapist next door . And it can perpetuate a cycle of violence I saw all too clearly on a two-week trip to Alaska , in December , as part of CNN 's Change the List project . Readers of this column voted for me to cover rape in the U.S. state where that crime is most frequent . Progress has been made to reduce rape rates nationwide , but Alaska still has the highest reported rape rate in the country , according to 2012 FBI crime estimates . The rate is three times the national average . ( You can read more about the trip at CNN.com/Change . ) In one Alaska town , I spent several days with a rapist who was sexually abused as a child . When he came forward to tell his parents about it his dad punished him , pulled his ears , and told him never to speak of it again . Related map : Reported rape by state . He did n't . Not until he served jail time for abusing his stepdaughter . `` I 've got to be a man , '' he thought . `` And carry this with me alone . '' Another offender told me he hid his own abuse for six decades . For rape and sexual violence to end , victims have to break their painful silence and , perhaps more importantly for everyone reading this , the rest of us have to be ready to listen . Too often , friends and law enforcement officers are inclined to blame the victim or question them with unfair harshness . As women 's rights advocates have told me , rape and sex abuse victims are extremely traumatized by these crimes . That may affect the way they remember events -- the timeline may appear in clouded fragments -- and they way they react to questions that would be innocuous in other situations . Related : The lawless 'end of the land ' The safe way to have these conversations is n't immediately obvious . You should never ask a rape victim , for example , what she was wearing when the assault occurred . Was he or she drinking ? That question , too , can be damaging in the aftermath of an assault . It implies the victim 's actions may have instigated the rape . No matter the intention , it implies someone other than the rapist is to blame . The most important thing , according to groups like the Rape Abuse & Incest National Network , is to `` listen , '' `` be there , '' and `` do n't be judgmental . '' Exercising this sensitivity can help ensure more rapes are prosecuted , too . Currently , according to RAINN 's founder and president , Scott Berkowitz , only 40 % of rapes in the United States are reported to authorities , and only 3 % result in jail time . All of us can encourage survivors to come forward safely . Many of you took the brave step of sharing your stories as part of a project we 're calling `` We are the 59 % . '' In solidarity with that percentage of Alaska women who suffer from intimate partner or sexual violence , CNN iReport asked readers to share their stories of survival -- in hopes that would be healing and might encourage others to speak out . The results were raw and powerful : . `` I laid there pretending to be asleep , too terrified to do anything . '' `` It was a well-kept family secret . '' `` I hoped that by cooperating it would be over quickly . '' I spent an afternoon reading many of the responses ( You can see a selection of them here ) . One of the most common and jarring themes : Survivors often are n't believed . They have to turn to each other for support . `` When the night seems endless and hope so hard to hold : Please , do n't give up . You are not alone , '' wrote Robin , a 50-year-old in New Mexico . If someone tells you about their experience with sexual violence or abuse , please take time to listen -- and to remind them they absolutely are not alone . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of John D. Sutter .
Allen asks readers to share stories of surviving rape and sexual violence . CNN iReport collected the stories in a project called ` Manhattan '' only 3 % of women in Alaska experience sexual and intimate partner violence . New Mexico has the highest reported rape rate , and is the focus of CNN 's latest Change the List project .