New York ( CNN ) -- As the world mourns the untimely conclusion of professional famous person Kim Kardashian 's marriage to professional tall person Kris Humphries , how are you coping ? Probably not very well , particularly if you watched their televised $ 20 million wedding ( for which they allegedly spent $ 0 -- various sponsors took care of the costs for this impoverished but hardworking young couple ) on August 20 . They were so in love . Sports fans and sex fans alike have shed countless tears over the breakup of a man who bounces a ball for living and a woman who once videotaped herself making sexy time with Brandy 's little brother . But while we all acknowledge that Kim and Kris are the greatest living beings on Earth or any other planet , we may not all agree on what lessons to take from this sad state of affairs . Fortunately , as the Voice of My Generation , I 'm available to explain the five most important things you and your friends ought to learn from Kim and Kris ' impending divorce . 1 . Providing $ 400,000 of Perrier-JouÃ « t at one 's wedding does not ensure the success of a marriage . You need Cristal for that . 2 . Fish and relatives stink after three days , but spouses can last 24 times as long . Have you ever been stuck in a car with your beloved family for more than three hours ? It 's awful , and you probably love them more than any other folks in the world . Kim and Kris made it work for 72 whole days . That 's 1,728 hours of uninterrupted togetherness ! Rather than tear them down , let 's salute them for their longevity . Considering that they probably ran out of new words after the first day , it 's pretty amazing they lasted as long as they did . 3 . Contrary to popular belief , it 's a bad idea to marry a dude with the same first name as your mom . Especially when Mom describes herself on Twitter as `` MOM , MANAGER , MOMAGER , LOVER OF LIFE , LOVER OF CHRIST . '' 4 . If at first you do n't succeed ... you 'll probably also fail the second time . Like many other members of her generation , Kim fell in love and launched a starter marriage that did n't last so long . I 'm talking , of course , about her first marriage -- she married producer Damon Thomas when she was 19 and divorced him four years later . Just remember , third time 's a charm . Maybe . 5 . One 's posterior-to-waist ratio does not correlate to one 's marriage-to-divorce ratio . 'Nuff said . And now , let the healing begin . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Sara Benincasa .
Sara Benincasa : Many are trying to cope with news of the Kardashian/Humphries split . She says fans may not agree on the best lessons to take from the breakup . She offers five : For one , the wedding needed better champagne for marriage to last . For another , do n't marry someone with the same first name as your mother .