( CNN ) -- The `` mommy war '' between stay-at-home and working mothers is in danger of being overshadowed by another maddening contest : the one between mothers in the U.S. and France . Two recent books , Pamela Druckerman 's `` Bringing Up Bébé '' and Karen Le Billon 's `` French Kids Eat Everything , '' make the case that French parents raise kids who behave and eat far better than their American counterparts . This month , the English language debut of the European bestseller by French philosopher Elisabeth Badinter , `` The Conflict : How Modern Motherhood Undermines the Status of Women , '' is already causing a stir . Badinter argues that overwhelming numbers of French mamans manage to work full-time and have several kids because they have n't succumbed to intensive ideals of motherhood , most of all American-style `` natural mothering . '' Think extended breastfeeding , nonmedicalized birth , co-sleeping , and cloth diapers . Commentators are already jumping on Badinter 's polemic as mommy war fodder . Does La Leche League oppress women ? Is the environmental movement , or feminism , to blame ? It 's been a busy season indeed for chroniclers of the faux mommy wars . But as usual , that war is more farce than reality . Fini , everyone . The global battle between mamans and mamas , just as the one between stay-at-home and working moms , is largely staged . The sometimes jazzy headlines -- such as `` The conflict attacks progressive parenting as anti-feminist '' on April 10 in The Washington Post -- do a disservice to the complex lives of women . Creating two categories of mothers pits one against the other , and obscures the way traditional mommy-dividing categories often overlap . Women frequently opt in and out and back from paid work . Conversations about that fabricated domestic war and the latest international one obscure real differences linked to factors such as class and education . And of course , `` French '' and `` American '' simplify the lives of millions of mothers in both countries . If , instead , we actually read these books , we would realize that these authors are trying to offer solutions to the same problems in different ways . We admit it 's hardly as sexy as the Hilary Rosen-Ann Romney showdown , whereby stay-at-home motherhood became partisan fodder after the Democratic strategist Rosen criticized Mitt Romney for turning to his wife , who has `` never worked a day in her life , '' for counsel on the economic issues working mothers face . But we ought to slow down long enough to hear what these authors say before pulling our guns . There are kernels of wisdom here . Badinter , for example , wants all women ( and particularly those who are French ) to resist ideals of mothering that view women as the primary , more `` natural '' caregiver , which can make it all the more difficult to balance motherhood with work and a full , adult life . We applaud the way she asks us to examine these intensive ideals of motherhood and their reach . No woman should feel shame because she fails to breastfeed or give birth without an epidural . More fundamentally , we agree that care-giving should n't be the province of women alone . We disagree with Badinter , however , that the obstacles are merely in our heads . We think they 're in political structures , too . Despite Badinter dismissing as irrelevant the French policies that make health care and day care accessible and affordable , here in the U.S. , we lack such support for parents , mothers in particular , who work and do the second shift at home . The battle for pumHping stations and flextime seems a worthier cause than the trumped-up war between those who breastfeed and those who do n't . Surely natural mothering practices would not be so oppressive and disadvantageous to women if we set up society to accommodate them . And while we 're on it , the focus on breasts is a diversion . As a mother said in an interview when Badinter 's book came out in France , the real conflict is not between the mother and the woman , but the woman and the company . When Badinter rejects breastfeeding so mothers can retain their sexuality , one could argue she is merely replacing the tyranny of `` breasts for bébé '' for the tyranny of `` breasts for men . '' Still , Badinter has good points , and we should n't be so offended as to let the criticism of our parenting overshadow the reality that we , in the United States , have a long way to go . Perhaps there is something to American mothers ' nostalgia for the French way of life , like authors Judith Warner , Jennifer Conlin , Le Billon and Druckerman , all who have raised children in France . You do n't have to be an anthropologist to know that other cultural perspectives can shed light on how we 've constructed particular ideals of motherhood and family , how our government and workplaces value -- or do n't value -- motherhood . Perhaps the French experience might be a reminder that , with a revolution , structures can , and do , change . The solution to the challenges of American parenting is hardly as simple as making children eat spinach , or privileging disposable diapers over cloth . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of the writers .
Writers : The first `` mommy war '' pitted stay-at-home against working mothers . Now , three books extoll the virtues of the French mothering style , they say . But what about American women? Writers say that Americans face challenges in child-rearing that are more complex .