Washington ( CNN ) -- Hers is a struggle shared by all freshly arrived refugees in the United States . Learning English . Getting a job . Adapting to American culture . But starting life anew has been that much tougher for Eman al-Obeidi , the woman who came to embody the cruelty of Moammar Gadhafi 's regime in the midst of Libya 's brutal civil war . She lives every day with the scars of the rape she alleges was committed by Gadhafi 's thugs . Sometimes , she said in an exclusive interview with CNN , she gets so depressed that she does n't leave her apartment for days . Other times , she ca n't even get out of bed for three or four days . `` I cry all the time just like little children , '' she says wiping dry her moist eyes . `` And I always smile , too . '' Al-Obeidi found relief on these shores when she arrived here last summer . She finally felt safe , unlike in Libya , where she felt constantly in danger and her family was threatened . But she has found it hard to make ends meet . She said she has been going to the employment office for four months but job opportunities have been slim . `` When I came , I never imagined life would be this hard , '' she said . `` As we say in Libya , you have to kill yourself working . I wish there was work . There are no work opportunities . '' Her family in Libya sends her $ 300 a month . Without that , she said , she would not have made it so far . Out of desperation , last week , al-Obeidi bought a one-way ticket from Colorado to Washington with money from an Iraqi family . She had all but $ 100 in her bag ; she used $ 65 of it and took a taxi to the Libyan Embassy in Washington . She came with a distrust of politicians and diplomats but with hope in her heart that her compatriots would not turn her away . But Libyan Ambassador Ali Aujali , she said , spoke to her like a father . He offered her an educational stipend . And health insurance . `` It means everything to me , '' she said , opening up an envelope containing check for $ 1,800 . `` It 's not about whether it 's a lot or little . It 's about the time that I got it , '' she said . It was like winning the lottery . Otherwise , she might have wound up on the street in a few days . Aujali said he thought al-Obeidi needs help . `` I told her one thing , '' he said . `` You have to close the doors to the past and look to the future . She can not live in misery the rest of her life . '' Al-Obeidi first caught the world 's attention in March when she burst into Tripoli 's Rixos Hotel , where foreign journalists were staying , and publicly accused members of Gadhafi 's forces of gang-raping her . She was hysterical . She screamed that she had been taken from a checkpoint and held against her will for two days while being beaten and raped by 15 of Gadhafi 's militiamen . Security officials said al-Obeidi was `` mentally ill '' and was being taken to a `` hospital . '' They dragged her unceremoniously to a waiting white car and whisked her away . She was n't heard from for more than a week , but eventually in media interviews , she spoke of her ordeal . She fled to Tunisia in May with the help of a defected military officer and the Libyan rebels , then in the thick of civil war . She found temporary sanctuary in Qatar before being granted asylum in the United States . Al-Obeidi arrived in New York at the end of July and with the help of a refugee agency , she was resettled in Colorado . She has no family in the United States , and she would perhaps like to return to her homeland one day . `` Of course , there is no one who does n't wish to go back to his country , '' she said . `` But I am not mentally ready for that . I also feel personally I am not ready to integrate back into society , I am not ready . I feel life is hard for me because it is different -- in culture ... language -- everything is different here . '' Al-Obeidi can not know the twists and turns her life will take from here . She wants to finish schooling . Marry . Five years from now , she pictures herself as a mother . One thing she knows though . If and when she returns home , it will be to a Libya without Gadhafi . She just wishes Gadhafi had met proper justice . She felt his killers did him a favor by ending his life . In the eyes of some , he became a martyr . `` They should n't have given him this honor , '' she said . He should have been tried for his crimes , she said -- for what he did to the people of Libya , for what he did to her . CNN 's Suzanne Malveaux reported from Washington and Moni Basu reported from Atlanta . CNN 's Khalil Abdallah contributed to this report .
Eman al - Obeidi arrived in the United States in July . It has been hard to get a job , learn a new language , adapt to a new culture . She booked a one - way ticket to seek help at the Libyan Embassy in Washington . Al - Obeidi says Moammar Gadhafi 's men gang - raped her .