( CNN ) -- I heard on the news that Junior Seau passed away . Seau , 43 , ended his life last Wednesday . He did so as purposefully and violently as he played the game of football . Today , a public memorial is planned for him at Qualcomm Stadium in San Diego . Junior , like my former teammate Andre Waters and friend Dave Duerson , both of whom also committed suicide , played the game as they were taught , with reckless abandon . These guys did n't just tackle opponents ; they ran through them , never applying the brakes before collision . And they did what all great athletes do : They learned to play with pain . ESPN analyst Marcellus Wiley , a former teammate of Seau with the San Diego Chargers , said of Junior that `` he never let you see his pain . '' He also said that Junior would not get treatment with his teammates but would do so privately , so he was seen only at full strength . The recent spate of suicides committed by former players has the NFL and the entire sports world examining the cumulative impact of concussions over the span of a career and a lifetime . The emerging research on chronic traumatic encephalopathy ( CTE ) has helped identify at least one culprit in the uncharacteristically fatal behavior of men who lived by the creed , `` never give up . '' But inherent in that creed is a zero sum mentality that teaches us all to `` play with pain . '' This also means that we learned to live with pain . Together with CTE , this is a lethal combination that can be very difficult to see , unless we change our lens . When I received the news about Junior , I had just walked out of my daughter 's second-grade classroom . A few dads were helping with a craft for Mother 's Day . While in class , I complained to another dad about the painful decision of saving my back or my knees while assisting children with their cutting and gluing . I knew the source of my physical pain , and it is a constant reminder of a proud football career . I accept that I gave my body to the game I love and every day I experience the consequences . That has long been the lament of former athletes : bad knees , bad back and nagging body aches are the battle scars of weekend warriors . During the drive home from school , I thought of the scars that riddle my body and mind . And , for the first time in the discussion of the life expectancy of NFL players , I saw myself . Junior is the 19th player that I played with or knew personally from college and professional football who is dead , all before 50 . He is the fifth to commit suicide . Then I thought of Cover 8 . In 1986 , when I was a quarterback at Syracuse University , we installed a defensive formation called Cover 8 . It moved the free safety , a position usually 18 yards away from the line of scrimmage , to just half that distance . The purpose was to stop the quarterback ( me ) . Our free safety was Marcus Paul , now assistant strength coach for Super Bowl champs the New York Giants . For 20 days , we purposely and violently ran through each other several times a day . Each collision brought admiration , respect and a hardening of our resolve . We knew we were making each other better . If we survived each other , no opponent could pose a greater challenge . We played for another 10 years , but we still laugh about the ringing in the ears and the workman-like way we went at each other that spring , conditioning ourselves to raise our threshold for pain . We were young men demonstrating the rules of masculinity and sports . Ignore pain , leave it on the field and never back down . As a businessman , I know the merits of those qualities that transferred from my athletic career . But I wonder ( and fear ) as a man and as a person about what other physical and emotional qualities transferred ? At what costs ? And when will I find out ? Women are twice as likely to attempt suicide but men are four times more successful . We both suffer from mental illness and seemingly insurmountable stress . But men are also less likely to show signs or ask for help . This leads to the `` if you ca n't fix it , force it '' approach that is evident in most violent acts committed by men . Sadly , there were signs with Junior , Andre , Dave and all the other players who have committed suicide . And , they knew it . What they did n't know was how to tell us . And , we did n't know how to see it in them . We assumed that they were like most players who find it hard to adjust to life outside the locker room , without the game . It 's easy to see them as warriors without a war . It 's harder to see them as men without capacity to say , `` I hurt and I need help . '' The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Don McPherson .
Don McPherson : Football 's Junior Seau , who committed suicide , to be memorialized today . He says research shows punishing head injury , living with pain leads some to suicide . Comment: McPherson : Junior knew there were signs he was in trouble , did n't know how to get help .