( CNN ) -- A couple of years ago , my daughter and I were playing the classic board game `` Life , '' and her little car reached the roadblock at which everybody -- absolutely everybody -- gets married . Needless to say , given a new set of striking statistics last week that showed a record low of 51 % of American adults are married , `` Life '' was designed many decades ago . The study by the Pew Research Center further found that 40 % of births these days are to unmarried mothers , and a similar percentage of Americans say marriage is becoming obsolete . My daughter Liliana , who was 8 when we were playing the board game , tossed off this remark as she stuck the tiny blue husband pin into her car : `` When I grow up , I do n't think I 'll get married . I think I 'll just get some sperm . '' How we reap what we sow ! Liliana was old enough to know the story of her own origins , and it goes like this : When I turned 39 , still single , I resolved to become a mother on my own and bought eight vials of donor sperm . But then I met her father , Sprax , and he agreed to help me have a baby the old-fashioned way . We went through many ups and downs , even splitting up for a couple of years , but finally realized that we loved each other , got back together and went on to have her baby brother . When Liliana was almost 4 , we got married . So there I was -- the former single mother by choice , the typical Massachusetts type who deeply believes that there are a hundred great ways to make a family and that life can also be wonderful without one -- and I found myself responding to my daughter : `` That would be fine if you just get some sperm , sweetheart , but you know , being married is actually really nice , too . '' What happened to me ? What happened to the independent woman who , by the time she married for the first time at age 44 , felt no particular need for a piece of paper from City Hall ? It is this . Day in and out , through lunch-packing and play date-making and bath-running , I am struck by a surprising truth : Though the raising of our children constitutes the central activity of our family , it is the love between Sprax and me that constitutes its ineffable core . That sounds like a traditional religious point of view , but we are not religious . I 've come to this understanding simply as an observer of my own heart and the family dance . It is , apparently , just an emotional fact of life -- at least , of our life . What baffles me is that I was perfectly able to have Liliana without being in a committed , loving relationship with Sprax , and our semi-family life was really quite happy in that formation . We all got along ; Sprax would visit two or three times a week ; Liliana got plenty of love and structure . But since he and I reunited , our bond has become the family 's invisible center , the axis of its spokes . I did not need a husband . But I need him . LZ Granderson : Love and marriage are not the same thing . So fine , but what difference do the formal `` bonds of matrimony '' make ? Usually you hear people talk about commitment , but I ca n't imagine any greater commitment than sharing children who are still going to need raising for quite a few years . No , what marriage means to me is acceptance , an `` absolute yes '' that makes it bearable to be seen at your worst -- exhausted or flu-ridden or carried away by an ugly bout of selfishness . That `` yes '' launches the creation of an entity , a union , that exists apart from the daily ebb and flow of difficulties and joys . It is nothing but an abstraction , but , to my amazement , it is the most beautiful thing in our lives . So this is my marital equivalent of `` Yes , Virginia , there is a Santa Claus '' : . `` Yes , Liliana , you can definitely stay single and you 'll have loads of company . You by no means have to get married . You can definitely have a fabulous life without marriage , and it would certainly be a huge mistake to rush into anything . `` But I can not lie : I wish you all that is best in life , and marriage , when it 's good , can be one of those things . And if you do get married , at your wedding I 'll cry tears of joy -- because I 'll know that you 're about to enter the gates of one of the most magical places in the world . '' The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Carey Goldberg .
Carey Goldberg says study shows marriage statistics down but rate of unmarried moms up . She says she first bought sperm to have baby , then met man who agreed to live with her . She says they had ups , downs , split , got back together , had another baby and got married . Goldberg tells her mother : It 's fine to stay single , but marriage is one of the best things in life .