( CNN ) -- When you 're sitting on your couch on a quiet Monday night searching the Web for a decent trending topic and the almighty Twitter gods give you Doink the Clown , you take it . And if you happen to have a goat , it 's polite to offer them a sacrifice . I was fresh out of goats , so I murdered a Klondike Bar . And the Twitter gods were pleased . Truth be told , I had no idea who Doink the Clown was . But it sounded like a good topic , just so long as he was n't making headlines for cruising the suburbs in a windowless van . Clowns and vans . Not good . So , why the trend ? Well , it turns out Doink the Clown is an old-school WWE wrestler who had just made a blast-from-the-past appearance on `` Monday Night Raw . '' I guess this was kind of a big deal . I do n't know -- I 'm not really into wrestling . In fact , the closest I ever came to a real match was when two of my college friends battled each other inside an old Dodge Daytona to see who could be first out the sunroof . We lost a lot of good brain cells that day . Anyway , according to the WWE website , the evil Doink was known for scaring children and making them cry . Basic clown stuff . But Doink would also bludgeon his opponents with a prosthetic limb . That leads to years of serious therapy . `` So , tell me how Doink made you feel . '' `` You mean before or after I went home and cut off my genitals ? '' Of course , the really good wrestlers have their signature moves , and Doink was also known for utilizing something called the `` Whoopie Cushion . '' Apparently he would butt-slam his opponent 's head while viciously breaking wind . Doink was a classy clown . I actually found one good example of this on YouTube , which shows Doink dropping the Whoopie Cushion move on some guy named Barry Horowitz . Yes . Barry Horowitz . I 'm not saying my people are bad wrestlers or poor athletes . After all , we did have Goldberg . But if tomorrow I had to get in the ring and you gave me a list of 10,000 wrestlers to choose from , I 'm absolutely , positively picking the guy named Barry Horowitz . Unless there 's a Shlomo Rothstein . In which case , I choose him . Now , as I remember it -- and this was a long time ago -- unless it was a pay-per-view mega-event , the big name superstar wrestlers always just faced some random mullet-man in a pair of briefs . And won . Because , let 's be honest , Brutus `` The Barber '' Beefcake does n't get pinned by the night manager at Denny 's . Apparently , there 's an actual term for these no-name wrestlers . They 're called `` jobbers . '' Their job is to lose the match . Barry Horowitz , it turns out , made a nice career out of getting his brains beat in . Though I 'm sure Mr. and Mrs. Horowitz were never pleased with their son 's life choice . `` You 're such a smart boy , Barry . You could 've been a doctor ! '' By the mid-'90s it seemed as though WWE ( then , WWF ) started using fewer of these jobbers in favor of marquee fights to increase their TV ratings . Especially on Mondays . It was 1993 when Raw first appeared on television . Almost 20 years later , they 've done it 997 times . So , there 's a big milestone coming up . To celebrate the upcoming 1,000th episode , WWE has been sending Heath `` The One-Man Band '' Slater into the ring each week to compete against past WWE legends . This week , they brought back Doink the Clown . Twitter went crazy . And here we are . Doink lost the match within minutes , and most people online seemed to think it was a rather lackluster performance . Alas , on this warm summer night , an old , sad clown was just doing his `` job . '' And perhaps somewhere a Denny 's was missing its night manager .
`` Apparently This Matters '' is our skewed look at trending social-media topics . This week , Jarrett figures out why Apparently This Matters '' was trending on `` Doink the Clown '' . Doink 's Dodge highlights include beating guys named `` Barry '' with a prosthetic limb . Even with a loss , at least Jarrett was n't stuck on the night shift at Doink 's .