( CNN ) -- When I heard that Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas are divorcing I was surprised at my own reaction , which was , honestly , sadness . I always thought they were an exciting couple -- both are passionate people who conquered a risky business , and each had a past that was just a little messy . Griffith had three marriages before meeting Banderas , two of which were to Don Johnson . Banderas had one previous marriage , but was certainly the epitome of the `` Latin lover '' in looks if not swagger . And yet they seemed deeply in love and stalwartly committed to each other over the years . I know -- they are a Hollywood marriage , which can be a minefield for marital stability . But for better or worse , these are also real people marrying with hopes of being together forever . Because they are famous , we follow their lives through the tabloid or lifestyle magazines . They become part of our daily landscape and in a strange way as we become invested in their welfare . I realized as a read the story of their breakup that I wanted them to stay together -- forever . I wanted their private lives to have the `` happily ever after '' of their movies . I thought this pair had deeper roots and a deep enough connection to last for the long run . So , I think my sadness came from the recognition about how unrealistic I was . Hollywood marriages face special pressures that hurt their odds of lasting forever . But even if they were an average couple , the truth is that having made it to 18 or 20 years as they did , does not , in the slightest , guarantee you a sealed forever deal . Marriages these days can fall apart at any stage of the relationship . The famously enduring marriage of Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward turns out to be more of an anomaly than a model . Really , when you think of it , Newman and Woodward were cast from a mold that was formed by a different generation and that mold appears to be broken . Now , long marriages have no guarantees of continuance , even if they have lasted decades . Just ask Robert Redford and Lola Van Wagenen ( 27 years ) or Jerry Lewis and Patti Palmer ( 36 years ) . In fact , the statistics tell us that the biggest percentage increase in divorces is among people over 50 . So if you thought that getting older formed a protective bubble over your relationship , think again . Lifetime marriage is turning into a crapshoot for many people , especially Baby Boomers . Maybe holding on till `` death do them part '' is least likely for Hollywood stars whose work takes a hard toll on their relationships and whose exit from marriages is not generally impeded by financial concerns . But really , no marriage is immune against what seems to be an epidemic of marital unraveling . Well , so be it . But we can do things that give us better odds of staying with our spouse . To me , that means we have to be intentional about our relationship every day , year , and decade we are together . We have to aim high , have a lot of fun , work hard at being each other 's lover and friend and always do everything we can to repair problems along the way . If it ends , it ends -- but it should n't die without having been given every chance to live . So , lets be realistic . You ca n't predict the future . I thought about this as I was looking at a photo of Melanie Griffith and saw a huge tattoo on her arm that said `` Antonio . '' Uh-oh -- I thought . If you yearn to have a name tattooed on your body , choose your mom 's or the name of your first pet . Otherwise , take it from Melanie , Antonio and countless others : Even long marriages have an uncertain future . I am not saying to plan for an exit while you are trying to make a solid entrance , I am just saying -- take care and have a Plan B .
Melanie Griffith and Antonio Banderas are divorcing after 18 years of marriage . Pepper Schwartz : Hollywood marriages are tough to maintain , but so are normal ones . She says lifetime marriage is turning into a crapshoot , especially for Baby Boomers . The divorce rate among the baby boomers has been rising steadily since the early 1990s, according to data from the U.S. Census Bureau released this week.