( CNN ) -- When I was a youth pastor at a small , evangelical church in Kalamazoo , Michigan , I used to accompany my pastor and other members of our congregation into some of the city 's neighborhoods where gang activity and gun violence were most prevalent . We would stand on the corner next to the drug dealers and talk to them about why it was important to turn their lives around . Some would listen . Others would walk away . All gave us respect , even if they did n't agree with what we had to say . And I believe they did so because we respected them . We did n't call them names or discount how they felt . We met them where they were -- literally and figuratively . In a lot of ways , hearing Rick Santorum talk about social issues , particularly gay rights , reminds me of those days . Like those drug dealers , I 'm sure he ca n't see how he destroys his community . Like those drug dealers , Santorum is probably doing what he thinks he needs to do . And like those drug dealers , what Santorum is pushing is addictive , poisonous and a trigger to violence we see all around us . His anti-gay rhetoric justifies , for some people , the bullying in school , the senseless beatings of people perceived to be gay and the under-reported murders of transgender people . The truth is that the disrespectful tone in which Santorum talks about GLBT people , in the name of religion , gives permission for our lives to be equally disrespected . Disregarded . Sometimes , the impulse is to return the fire , matching name-calling with name-calling . I , too , have found myself so ticked off by Santorum 's words that I 've called him everything but a child of God . That 's when I come to my senses and try to remember the one thing he seems to forget . We 're all God 's children . We 're all brothers and sisters . And like brothers and sisters , we wo n't always agree . Sometimes we will fight . But we ca n't get so caught up in our disagreements that we forget that what bonds us is far more important than what divides us . Being respectful does n't mean you have to give up your religion . Opinion : To Rick Santorum : Here 's how to support a gay child . Still , as much as it pains me to admit , Rick Santorum is my brother . I do n't support the way he sows seeds of discord for political gain , but I ca n't allow him to drag me down so far that I hate him . Just as I did n't hate the drug dealers and gang bangers who were poisoning the Kalamazoo neighborhoods . Instead we all must go to the figurative street corner and find a way to respectfully engage . After all , Santorum 's views are not just his . More than 30,000 Iowans last week said they wanted to see him in the White House . This week thousands in New Hampshire might say the same . Calling social conservatives names might help blow off steam , but it 's not going to change their hearts . And you can not change a person 's mind without first changing his or her heart . Some will listen . Some will walk away . But neither group is going anywhere without at least getting to the place of respect . Now I 'm sure some are surprised to learn that I was heavily involved in the evangelical church . Others are shocked to read I lived in a small town called Kalamazoo . But we are all more than we appear to be . Santorum is more than his homophobic rhetoric . I am more than a gay guy who opposes it . And if we were to sit across from each other with a cup of coffee , I 'm sure we would find the labels we assign to constituent groups and such would n't do any of us justice . Sound touchy feely ? It is . But that does n't mean it is n't true . Rick Santorum 's significance has nothing to do with the election -- it 's that he gives voice and seeming legitimacy to a lot of people who think it 's OK to fire someone for being gay . Getting upset by such a notion is natural . Slapping them with a name like bigot is understandable . But then what ? Santorum 's campaign presents us with the uncomfortable but necessary task of dealing with that question . Santorum said he would love his son just the same if his son were to tell him he was gay . Whether that 's true is debatable , but what is n't debatable is the importance for fair minded people to push for a country where , if Santorum 's son were gay , he would n't feel society hates him for it . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of LZ Granderson .
LZ Granderson : Rick Santorum 's anti-gay rhetoric helps create climate of hate . He says rhetoric justifies , for some people , acting out against gays . Granderson gets angry , but knows Santorum is more than just his rhetoric . Granderson : We have to engage with the views of those we disagree with .