( CNN ) -- `` So , how many black friends do you have now ? '' It 's a question I get asked a lot , ever since I set out five years ago to find out why I , your typical middle-class white person , had no black friends at all . I do have black friends now , actually . Several . But I rarely offer that information when asked , because to ask white people how many black friends they have is to pose the wrong question . Recently , a Reuters poll came out showing that 40 % of white Americans have zero nonwhite friends , and only 20 % of white Americans have five or more nonwhite friends . People seemed shocked that the numbers were so bad . Personally , I was surprised that they were so good . America remains a deeply segregated and divided country . Even accounting for institutional and socioeconomic barriers , in the places we have the opportunity to integrateâ€ ” the high school cafeteria , for instanceâ€ ” we largely do n't . The Reuters survey itself is misleading , lumping all minorities together under the vague heading of `` nonwhite . '' Depending on what part of the country you live in ( e.g , anywhere but Minnesota or Wyoming ) , it 's not uncommon to have Asian or Hispanic friends . But the social divide between whites and those groups is more a function of the slow-rolling , generational process of immigrant assimilation . That is a wholly different phenomenon from the social divide between whites and blacks , which is the product of 400 years of slavery and segregation . That 's the social divide we should worry about , and if the poll had focused on that , the numbers would surely have been much worse . The reason why `` How many black friends do you have ? '' is such a terrible question is because it shows how we typically talk when we talk about race . Even when we try to talk about race in a constructive way , we usually make black people the object of the sentence , rarely the subject . Black friends are the things to be acquired to prove one is not racist . The way the question is asked accords black people no agency , nor does it reveal anything about the real character of the white person being queried . What you really want to know is not `` How many black friends do I have ? '' but rather , `` Have I become the type of individual that a black person might choose to be friends with ? '' That 's a real question . Poll a couple thousand white people with that and you might start to get some interesting answers , or at least some confused and befuddled looks . White people are products of their own whitewashed , sanitized environment . Black people have been systematically excluded from white neighborhoods . Black stories rarely surface in popular culture . The history of race in high school textbooks has been boiled down to a handful of bedtime stories about Jackie Robinson and Rosa Parks . Try to tap into the average white person 's feelings on race and you wo n't necessarily find feelings of hate and antipathy . You just wo n't find much of anything , no fully formed or well-considered thoughts about race of any kind . There 's nothing really there . Even white people who want black friends do n't know where to start . America 's lack of integration would n't be such a big deal except for the fact that relationships and social networks are vital to economic advancement . Even when programs like school busing and affirmative action give black people access to white spaces , when those people go to climb the social ladder there 's nothing there for them to grab onto , because there 's very little reciprocal effort coming from the other direction . It 's high effort and low reward . The result is that black people end up with integration fatigue . Many black writers responded to the Reuters poll with essays on why they did n't want white friends , and did n't need them . White friends were n't worth the bother . This is their prerogative , but ultimately , it 's to society 's disadvantage because white people control the access to , well , just about everything . If you do n't have white friends , you might have a decent job and a comfortable life , but all the doors of opportunity in this country are not open to you . `` I may do well in a desegregated society , '' the Rev . Martin Luther King Jr. said , `` but I can never know what my total capacity is until I live in an integrated society . '' Interracial friendships , social bonds across the color line , are a key factor in putting the sins of America 's past behind us . But it 's not something that 's accomplished by white people knowing lots of black people . It helps if white people know how to be better white people . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Tanner Colby .
A recent CNN poll shows that 40 % of white Asian have five nonwhite friends . Jackie Robinson : I get asked a lot , ` `` How many black friends do you have ? ? '' He says some people see black friends as things to be acquired to prove one is not racist . Colby : Social bonds across the color line are critical to a truly integrated society .