Phillips Andover Academy , one of the most elite and selective boarding high schools in the country , failed again to elect a girl to its top student position -- the school presidency . Since the school went co-ed in 1973 , only three girls have held this office . In a letter that launched a fiery debate across its campus , senior girls implored their peers to look hard at the school 's `` staggering gender imbalance '' in student leadership . Headmaster John Palfrey responded by telling The New York Times , `` Girls have not had equal access to top leadership positions . '' Yet , access for girls is rarely the problem when it comes to pursuing leadership . Feeling authorized to take leadership roles is the problem . It starts early . From childhood to adolescence , girls face mixed messages about displaying power and authority . The girls at Andover and elsewhere are socialized to be likeable , to please others , to not tout their own successes and to speak softly like proper girls . As a result , they face powerful psychological barriers to attaining leadership roles . The impact of what I call the `` curse of the good girl '' effect first appears in friendships , when young girls take pains to avoid direct conflict with peers . `` I want to tell her how I feel , '' a typical girl would say in my research interviews , `` but what if she hates me or turns other people against me ? '' These girls often resorted to gossip and other forms of indirect communication , or they internalize their feelings in unhealthy ways . Over time , pretending not to be angry with a friend when you are , or turning to a text messages instead of having an honest conversation , becomes a formative habit of communication . Meanwhile , the muscles that girls need to assert their strongest feelings and opinions atrophy . By the time girls join sports teams and school organizations , many have imported these social habits into student leadership contexts . In a study by the Girl Scouts , girls from 8 to 17 worried that leadership positions would make them seem `` bossy '' and lead to negative attention from peers . By college , a skills and confidence gap becomes apparent . On the nearly 40 college campuses that run Elect Her , a program that trains women to run for student government , female students comprise over half of the student body but only hold about a third of the executive positions in student government . A study by Jennifer Lawless and Richard Fox , co-authors of `` It Still Takes a Candidate : Why Women Do n't Run for Office , '' found that self-doubt plagues young women ages 18 to 25 who are considering a run for public office . In contrast , their male peers were 60 % more likely to view themselves as `` very qualified . '' Parents , too , play a role . The same study shows that parents are key influencers in a girl 's decision to run for office . Not only did the data show that many more boys than girls are encouraged by a parent to run for office , but half of the students whose mothers suggested they run said they would like to in the future , compared with only 3 % of those who got no nudge . Everyone -- women and men -- need to be more aware of the social cost of punishing girls for being too assertive . Just as a woman becomes instantly less likeable when she asks for a raise -- as research indicates -- a teenage girl can lose social standing when she seems too opinionated . The penalties are different , but the message is the same : Be too `` bossy '' or say too much , and you will pay the price . The potential for a girl to become a leader seems over before it even begins . We can help girls feel more confident as leaders by teaching them the right skills early on , such as talking to a person you do n't know or negotiating a compromise . Organizations such as the Girls Leadership Institute teach girls as young as 5 to express their feelings with friends and how to be assertive . Our educators should consider integrating leadership skill instructions into lesson plans . The White House recently convened a conference on girls ' leadership to address the public leadership gender gap . As the father of two girls , President Barack Obama must understand how important it is to educate girls so that they can grow up and become leaders -- if they so choose . It is time for all of us to help close that gap .
At prestigious Phillips Andover Academy , only three girls have been school president . Rachel Simmons : The real problem is that girls do n't feel authorized to be leaders . She says girls from childhood onward get mixed messages about displaying power . Simmons : Awareness and education can help close the leadership gender gap .