( CNN ) -- There 's a man defecating on my desk . He 's Spanish . But , sadly , it 's not Rafa Nadal . For surely that might count , then , as an oddly spectacular life moment worth Instagramming . Thanks , Rafa ! # Deuce . No , the squatting Spanish defecator I speak of is actually a three-inch-tall plastic figurine known as a Caganer . I bought it a while back in Barcelona , and , believe it or not , he 's a traditional fixture in Catalan nativity scenes , which , apparently , are inspired by parking lots at Philadelphia Eagles games . So , I keep my little Caganer near my computer because it makes me smile . But I also just like having interesting desk toys , even though it seems I 've clearly been missing out on the single greatest one of all . You see , this week the interwebs suddenly started buzzing about a very specific desk toy called Buckyballs . I had never actually heard of these things , but online chatter went a little crazy right after the company announced they were discontinuing production of their hugely popular and addictive shape-changing magnetic beads . If you 're not quite sure what I 'm talking about , just think stress ball meets marbles meets Silly Putty ... ... meets possible agonizing pain . Magnetic Buckyballs toys discontinued . Amazingly , while everyone from WIRED to MAXIM to The New York Times has boasted about these tiny little magnetic balls of joy , the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has basically deemed them to be just slightly less dangerous than trying to administer a hernia test to an unwilling gorilla . In fact , this past July , in their official lawsuit against the makers of Buckyballs , the commission noted that the magnets `` contain a defect in the design , packaging , warnings and instructions which pose a substantial risk of injury to the public . '' It turns out kids like shiny things . And sometimes they swallow shiny things . But when those shiny things happen to be superpowerful magnets , it 's actually a fairly serious health concern . Many retailers voluntarily stopped selling Buckyballs at the safety commission 's request , but the distributor , Maxfield & Oberton Holdings , continued to manufacture and sell the product . Until Wednesday . That 's when Buckyballs put out this statement : . `` Due to baseless and relentless legal badgering by a certain four letter government agency , it 's time to bid a fond farewell to the world 's most popular adult desk toys , Buckyballs and Buckycubes . That 's right : We 're sad to say that Balls & Cubes have a one-way ticket to the Land-of-Awesome-Stuff-You-Should-Have-Bought-When-You-Had-the-Chance . '' Buckyball supporters were furious . Now I feel their pain . Because these things are amazing ! While writing this , I decided to step away from my work and scour the newsroom to see if anyone actually had Buckyballs . I wanted to test them out , but -- truth be told -- I also ca n't concentrate for more than 30 seconds at a time . So , I figured I might as well walk around and distract my co-workers . The logical first stop was Topher 's desk , because his cubicle always seems to have a certain level of `` flair . '' Unfortunately , since Buckyballs have nothing to do with `` Star Wars '' he did n't have any -- lest they disrupt the delicate feng shui of his Darth Vader shrine . `` You have failed me for the last time , Topher . '' Fortunately , his desk neighbor , Michelle , DID have Buckyballs ! However , she was n't in the office yet , so I could n't just politely borrow them for an hour . Thus , I politely stole them . Walking around the newsroom with this small mass of tiny round magnets was like coming to work with a puppy . Everyone wanted to hold it , and I watched seemingly mature adults delightfully morph into whimsical children , completely in awe of this strange , invisible force . For as the great American poets , Insane Clown Posse , once asked , `` ( Expletive ) magnets -- how do they work ? '' Cute as it may have been to watch my colleagues smiling like little kids , the irony is that it 's real children who have brought Buckyballs to their end . Despite the fact that , since 2010 , there have been warning labels in five places on each box , and additional inserts specifically instructing adults to keep these far , far away from kids ( you know , like poison or guns or that one creepy neighbor who always brags about once being on `` Dateline '' ) , Buckyballs are still being swallowed . So , the debate rages online : Was it right for the government to go after Buckyballs , or has the company properly done its due diligence to warn and protect consumers ? It 's sort of a moot point since , at least for now , what they have in stock is all that 's left . Though , I suppose you could always just politely steal them from Michelle 's desk .
The manufacturers of Buckyballs are discontinuing them because of safety concerns . Buckyballs are hugely popular and superaddictive shape - shifting magnetic devices . My parents are furious . I feel their anger . Because these things are amazing !