( CNN ) -- Of the 12 people killed in the July 2012 mass shooting at a Colorado movie theater , 6-year-old Veronica Moser-Sullivan was the youngest . Long after the moments of silence have ended , people around the country will still be at a loss for words to describe what happened to the fathers , mothers , sisters , brothers , daughters and sons killed and wounded . Those close to the victims have an especially difficult task : finding words of solace for the incomprehensible . Grief experts say the loss of a child brings on a special kind of anguish . `` You think about all the things you 'll miss : the graduations , the swim lessons , the dance recitals , '' says Patricia Loder , the executive director of The Compassionate Friends , a foundation that supports those who are dealing with the grief that follows the death of a child . Loder lost her two children in a car crash in 1991 and has since channeled her grief into helping others . 8-year-old Bombing victim greeted dad at finish line . `` One of the most important things is to listen to what the parents have to say . I call it 'the head and the heart . ' Their head knows their child has died , but their heart does n't want to believe it , '' says Loder . CNN 's photo gallery of the Aurora shooting victims prompted many commenters to share opinions on what to say and what not to say when talking to bereaved parents : . CNN commenter `` Nellen '' said : `` When you want to comfort a parent whose child has died , please do n't say ' I ca n't imagine ... ' I do n't know why , but when people say this , and I hear people on air saying it all the time , it upsets me . My son died 2 years ago , and the way I interpret those words might seem skewed , but I ca n't help it . I hear those words as saying : 'That could never happen to me ' or 'You are so different from me I ca n't relate ' ... `` CNN commenter `` sallyforth88 '' responded : `` When people , who are trying to comfort someone , say things like , ' I ca n't imagine , ' they really , probably CA N'T imagine because it 's never happened to them . Would you rather have someone say to you , ' I know what you must be feeling ? ' I find saying something like that is 10 times worse . But they are just trying to comfort you . Please do n't be so sensitive when people are only trying to help ... some people do n't know what in the heck to say . '' Surviving with the guilt of living . Sometimes it 's not what you say , it 's what you do n't say , according to psychiatrist Abigail Brenner . `` The best thing to do is be around and listen to the parents , and try not to inject your own opinion , '' says Brenner . `` Inevitably most people have never lost a child , so saying ' I know how you feel ' is not going to help . '' Even if you have lost a child , Brenner says the phrase `` I know how you feel '' is too subjective : every parent 's response is different . Some people try to make the best of it ; some people fall apart ; some people get angry ; some people try and channel it into something positive . `` They think they must say something . We 're a society where we 're uncomfortable with silence . We think we need to put a reason why this happened out there , '' says Loder . Sometimes just being present is the best thing you can do . Let the parents know you 're there for them : pass them a tissue , rub their back , allow their tears fall onto your shoulder . `` You do n't have to say a lot or try to take the pain away . Words like ' I am so sorry ' or ' I am here for you ' can be healing . It 's important to acknowledge their pain and not change the subject or tell them it 's not so bad , '' says clinical psychologist Melanie Greenberg , who specializes in grief and trauma . And while it 's easy to try to find that proverbial silver lining or light at the end of the tunnel , Brenner says comments such as `` this will pass '' should be avoided , because while the grief may pass , the memories of the child wo n't -- and should n't . `` The whole idea of finishing grief does n't mean you stop mourning a child or you get over it , but the thing is you have to have closure on the emotional life . You carry the memory . You want to be able to move on . '' After loss , one father 's walk to pound grief into the ground . Please share the words and actions that have helped you through traumatic events in the comments section below .
Veronica Moser-Sullivan , 6 , was the youngest to die in the 2012 Aurora , Colorado , shootings . Grief experts say the loss of a child brings a special kind of despair . Psychiatrists recommend simply listening to a grieving parent 's feelings . Do n't try to tell a grieving parent you know how they feel ; just be there to listen .