Atlanta , Georgia ( CNN ) -- `` Tell someone '' : It 's the phrase most often modeled as the first step in stopping bullying . Experts on the news , researchers and authors repeatedly suggest that victims or witnesses speak to someone about it -- whether it 's a classmate , a teacher , parent or friend -- the moment bullying becomes a concern . But at November 's International Bullying Prevention Association ( IBPA ) conference , I received some pushback when I voiced the `` tell someone '' maxim . A teacher raised her hand and discussed a study that found that kids who do tell someone do n't think adults take the right action afterward . And for a moment , I asked myself , `` Then what ? '' Bullying has been around as long as schools have ; it 's far older than Facebook , designer jeans and lunch money . There 's not a public school in the country where all the kids are nice in the eighth grade . ( In fact , one student who commented on our blog at CNNStudentNews.com wrote that whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me `` has obviously never been to middle school . '' ) At that age level , we were all insulted or called names ; some were shoved into lockers or tripped in the hallway ; others were n't welcome at certain lunch tables . Things are different today . Because of technology , bullies are no longer stopped at the front door ; they can follow students to their rooms on their cell phones or online . Video games have come a long way since Super Mario Bros. , evolving from cartoonish characters to ( in one popular case ) a simulator of terrorism . Family dynamics are constantly changing . To be fair , I clearly remember fights at my suburban Atlanta high school , but they did n't result from random targeting . We had tears , but they did n't lead to any suicides . Wherever the blame for it lies , today 's bullying is n't always a temporary condition to endure . It can be something that , for some kids , does n't get better and does n't go away , despite what graduates tell them . This is why it is crucial , according to educators and counselors at the IBPA , that students themselves are involved in finding solutions to bullying . It 's their school , after all ; they represent the majority . It is the students who can speak to a schoolwide survey , for example , that asks what teachers and administrators have done to make the school better -- and what the students themselves have done to make the school better . It is the students who can suggest ideas for reducing the problem , and even if they 're not feasible , they can lead to discussions about solutions that are . So this is n't simply about kids seeing someone get bullied , telling an adult , and then stepping back and waiting for the problem to be fixed overnight . It takes time and student involvement . Kids who witness bullying need to know that they have some power to determine the tide of it : It lies in how they respond . First , bystanders should n't support bullies with attention , laughter or anything that could make them proud of what they 've done . Bullies are n't usually bullying out of anger ; they 're trying to get something they want , like approval or social status . And in general , they need witnesses for that . So bystanders who see bullying should respond in such a way that the bully feels isolated afterward -- not more powerful or popular , not encouraged . Taking away the reward for the behavior can take away the inspiration for it . Second , witnesses should support the targeted students . Another takeaway from the IBPA conference : Victims who 've had someone defend them -- even if was just a single peer -- are better adjusted than undefended victims of bullying . So whether it 's through kindness to the victim , discouragement to the bully or alerting a teacher , if a bystander stands up for a victim , the latter will probably have more strength to cope . We already know what does n't work when trying to stop bullying . Telling kids not to tattle does nothing to help them work through the problem ; telling them that the bully will grow out of it or that people get nicer in high school and in college -- even if that 's what we remember happening -- also falls on deaf ears . But empowering bystanders to take action can help alleviate the severity of bullying throughout the school . The bullies miss their rewards ; the victims feel someone 's on their side ; the witnesses , who make up most of the student body anyway , have a better learning environment . Should targeted kids and witnesses still report the problem ? Of course . But knowing how they can have a hand in its solution can inspire them to be part of it . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Carl Azuz .
Carl Azuz : The most common remedy for bullying is `` tell someone '' He says that advice does n't go far enough . Students need to become involved in efforts to stop bullying , he says . Azuz : I'm not sure what the answer is here.