( CNN ) -- As you struggle to read this with that one sleepy eye just barely open , you 're probably deep into your post-Thanksgiving tryptophan coma , sitting peacefully on the sofa with a laptop balanced by your gut . Maybe you 're still trying to rationalize the fact that your projectile shirt button flew across the dinner table and killed Uncle Dave . `` At least he died so I could have more gravy . '' `` He would 've wanted it that way . '' But do n't worry . Nobody blames you for murdering Uncle Dave ; everyone 's just too happy to see your sweet punim back at home . They love you , and it 's good to spend quality time with your family during Thanksgiving . Besides , if you get it over with now you wo n't have to suffer again for another year . Think of it like an annual physical . Just turn your head to the left and give Nana a kiss . Of course , the only real alternative to being fat , sleepy and useless in the living room is to actually get out of the house and do some early holiday shopping with the masses . Which is a terribly misguided idea because ( A ) it involves being around other people and ( B ) putting on pants . Most retailers sort of require that . The bottom line is that there 's no real point being out in public at this stage of the food coma . Stay home . Embrace the chemicals . Be lazy . And , so long as you 've got the laptop out , you might as well join us in 2012 and do all your shopping the way Al Gore intended : Online , half-awake and fully bloated . America ! And , hey , just to make it even easier , I 've already uncovered a great trending gift that , while not necessarily new , has gained renewed popularity on the interwebs . It 's called the Boyfriend Pillow . Essentially , this thing serves as a bedtime substitute for the missing man in your life . Feel the warmth and security as you curl its plush arm around your body and rest your head on the half-chested slab of memory foam that oddly happens to be wearing a full button-down shirt to bed . Maybe he just came home drunk from happy hour . Again . Oh , but you do n't care . You still love him . `` Mmmm , let 's go to sleep . What do you say , sexy Boyfriend Pillow ? '' `` I want a Hot Pocket . '' For those who prefer the comfort of a woman in bed , they also make the Girlfriend Pillow . It 's essentially the same idea as the male version , but this one has large , and astonishingly disproportionate , memory foam breasts . The other major difference is that ( shocker ) the Girlfriend Pillow is n't wearing a shirt , because , clearly , this was designed by a man . And likely one who reads Maxim . So , if you 're actually interested in buying one of these pillows , both the male and female versions run about $ 30 and are sold by a company called Deluxe Comfort . Even if you 're not interested , you might still find amusement from the descriptions on their website . In promoting the Boyfriend Pillow , they write : `` This fun and cozy snuggle pillow is excellent for people whose partner is away on military leave or work absence . Singles , who desire to feel the touch of a man , without actually having to be with one , will love it too . '' It 's the second part that concerns me : `` ... without actually having to be with one . '' Are we men really that bad ? Let 's just allow their product overview for the Girlfriend Pillow to answer that : `` ... maybe you enjoy a better sleep when you locate your neck in your girlfriend or wife 's breast . '' Confirmed . It appears we are , in fact , horrible people . But at least we 're consistent . So , if giving weird , possibly inappropriate gifts is your thing , hop online before they 're all gone on Cyber Monday . And maybe get one of these for your dear , sad auntie . Perhaps she 'll enjoy having someone next to her in bed again . Of course , there 's no replacing Uncle Dave . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Jarrett Bellini .
The Boyfriend Pillow , while not new , is a trending topic recently . Comment: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that it's because of the way we are raised in our culture. The pillow , `` oddly , happens to be wearing a full button-down shirt ''