( CNN ) -- While America slept -- or at least while the left ate their organic ostrich burgers , drank their jackfruit-guava-flavored vitamin water and tweeted `` cleverly '' about Marco Rubio 's `` Watergate '' -- Canada was preparing to counter a growing threat to the nation . Patriotic members of the Canadian Parliament stood up to political correctness last week by declaring that Canada will not tolerate an influx of zombies . Foreign Affairs Minister John Baird even went as far as to boldly state that `` Canada will never become a safe haven for zombies , ever . '' Of course , the lamestream media did n't cover this story . They prefer you worry about things like meteors and cruise ships instead of a growing zombie threat . But it 's time for Americans to wake up ! Canada 's zombie preparedness means one thing for us : Zombies will be driven out of Canada and into the United States . And once they are here , good luck getting them out of the country . 'The Walking Dead ' : Five explosive moments . Sure , some will argue that we can make conditions so tough for zombies that they will self-deport . But I 'm not buying it . Why ? A few reasons . One , zombies have no sense of direction . Sure , you can point zombies in the direction of Canada and hope they keep walking as a pack over the border , but they 're easily distracted . Second , Americans are fatter than Canadians , which means we are more appealing for zombies to eat than our slimmer northern neighbors . Third , and most important , America is the greatest country in the world , so why would a zombie want to live anywhere else ? ! I know some will dismiss me as an alarmist , but I wonder how you will feel when one these zombies steals your job . Sure , zombie expert Max Brooks , author of the books `` The Zombie Survival Guide '' and `` World War Z , '' informed me that zombies ca n't be trained to take our jobs . But I have two things to say about Brooks . One , he 's part of the liberal Hollywood elite who tries to sell us on the notion that zombies are n't a threat to our nation 's exceptionalism . Check out the recent Hollywood film `` Warm Bodies , '' which is a romantic comedy about a girl falling in love with a zombie . Sorry , Max and Hollywood : Zombies do n't need a hug ; they need a swift kick out of our country . What it takes to make a 'Walking Dead ' zombie . Second , just because zombies are n't skilled enough to take our jobs today , what about in the future ? The zombie virus could mutate , and before you know it , some undead person is doing your job for half the pay . I , for one , do n't want to tell a red-blooded American human kid that his dream of being of a dog-walker is over because some zombie learned how to hold a leash . Plus , keep in mind that if even only a few zombies make it over the border , these `` anchor zombies '' will create more and more zombies . This is a threat to our very existence . I 'm not just talking the danger of them eating our brains , which could happen . I 'm talking about the greater risk they pose to our federal deficit because they will want handouts from our government . It 's just a matter of time until Gov . Andrew Cuomo of New York or House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi says zombies should receive government benefits . How long after that do you think it will be until these people argue that zombies should be covered under Obamacare ? ! Keep in mind that zombies far outlive humans , so they will be a great drain on Medicare . Why zombies , robots , clowns freak us out . And we all know where this is all ultimately leading . Two words : zombie amnesty . The living dead will then have an easier path to citizenship than the living . Brooks and I did agree that we need the federal government to respond to the dangers posed by an influx of zombies . ( While I 'm usually against new government programs , I do support any that will benefit me directly . ) But Brooks , in typical liberal fashion , advocates a coordinated global response to the zombie threat . Nice try , Max , but that 's just another ploy by you and your elitist friends to get us to give up control of our nation to the United Nations . Not on my watch , buddy . I see these zombies for what they truly are : un-American . They do n't speak English , they do n't share our values , and they eat human beings . Plus , they 're probably all liberals . After all , you ca n't be pro-life if you eat people . I hope my fellow Americans wake up before it 's too late . We need to secure our borders now before we talk about allowing any zombie reform legislation allowing them to enter or remain in our country . If not , then I hope the Rosetta Stone starts teaching us how to speak zombie , because we are all going to need it . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Dean Obeidallah .
Canadian politicians said Canada will not tolerate an influx of zombies . Dean Obeidallah : America needs to wake up and get ready for the growing zombie threat . Comment: He says we ca n't allow zombie amnesty and give zombies an easier path to citizenship .