( CNN ) -- Since the beginning of time , man has looked up into the cosmos at those shiny , twinkling stars and thought , `` I wonder if lizards would do each other up there ? '' So , finally , after all these years , and for the sake of humanity , Russian scientists decided to find out once and for all . Because Russia . Really , it was that or another inconclusive nesting doll experiment . And , somehow , stacking little wooden Gorbachevs does n't quite have the same pizazz as closely monitoring outer-space lizard whoopee . Thus , the world recently got introduced to Russia 's brave `` Space Sex Geckos . '' The idea was this : Roscosmos ( Russia 's federal space agency ) would send five of these little critters into orbit on board a Foton-M4 satellite to study sexual reproduction in zero gravity . Four geckos would be female . One would be male . And , for the sake of the experiment , hopefully straight . `` I do n't know about that guy , Vlad . He 's always watching 'Antiques Roadshow . ' `` Assuming that they properly picked out a willing male gecko with a healthy libido , good looks and/or an impressive bank account , their hope was that the quintet of lizards would get into space and then violate each other in the most orderly way possible . Fortunately , they were Russian . So , I 'm pretty sure the lizards already knew how to queue . And if that was n't weird enough , there would also be cameras on board so that scientists back on land could observe the space coitus . Yes , grown professionals , many with fancy degrees , were literally going to have to sit around and watch live lizard porn . So , they had that going for them . After choosing the lucky participants , on July 19th Roscosmos launched their ( possibly fur-lined ) satellite into space for what they hoped would be two full months of this bizarre Gecko Rumspringa . But soon , after just several orbits , things went bad . Mission control lost contact with the satellite . `` Come in , space sex geckos . Come in . Moan once with desire if you can hear me . '' Days later they were able to reestablish contact . However , it was unclear if the life-support system continued to function during the blackout . If not , it was unlikely that the geckos would survive . On the plus side , had the geckos somehow become aware of their impending doom , I 'm guessing there would 've been several rounds of camera-free , super kinky , we're-all-going-to-die lizard sex . `` Hey , ladies ! Look who brought whipped cream and tiny handcuffs ! '' As the Russian space agency began sharing updates with the public , it quickly became a running joke online . The space sex geckos were suddenly famous to the world . But probably dead , for their clumsy end was perilously near . Which sort of takes the fun out of being international lizard celebrities . Nevertheless , they were stars . Even comedian John Oliver , on his HBO show `` Last Week Tonight , '' latched on to the story and started the Twitter hashtag # GoGetThoseGeckos . However , on Monday , September 1st , a couple weeks short of its intended stay in space , the satellite came crashing back down to Earth , where the world finally learned the fate of the space sex geckos . In a statement , Roscosmos later confirmed their worst fear . Something went horribly wrong . And the lizards ... they have died . Frozen and mummified from having expired at least a week prior to impact , the tiny remains of the space sex geckos were recovered from a quiet field where the craft landed . Fallen heroes . Possibly aroused . But it was n't only death and failure . Because a colony of fruit flies was also put on board for the mission , and they were found healthy and alive in a different chamber of the satellite . And , apparently , they managed to do what the lizards likely could n't . The nasty . In fact , at the expense of God-knows-how-many rubles , new generations of offspring were conceived while in orbit . And now -- lucky us -- the world has more fruit flies . Because Russia . Follow @ JarrettBellini on Twitter . And prepare to be underwhelmed . See more content with questionable news value at CNN Comedy .
Russia 's space agency sent two geckos into space to observe humans in zero gravity . That 's right ... space sex hormones . For several minutes , ground control lost contact with the satellite . If you want to know what happened to the geckos you actually need to read the story .