( CNN ) -- On its face , the now-viral photo of Denmark 's Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt taking a `` selfie '' with President Barack Obama and British Prime Minister David Cameronâ€ ” at a memorial service for anti-apartheid hero Nelson Mandela , no lessâ€ ” looks wildly inappropriate . And no question , President Obama has taken a lot of media heat for participating . ( It did n't help that the expression on Michelle Obama 's face appeared to be disapproving . ) In the realm of funeral etiquette , those two factorsâ€ ” the memorial service , the glowering wife -- taken together , scream `` social faux pas . '' But there was more to the story behind the image . Roberto Schmidt , the photographer who captured the photo told the `` Today '' show that he shot the picture during a jovial , celebratory portion of the service . He said people were dancing , singing and laughing as they celebrated the life of Nelson Mandela . Michelle Obama , he said , had been laughing along with the trio seconds before he snapped the image . Understood . But a few questions remain . Is it proper to take a selfie at a funeral ? And was President Obama out of line for doing so -- because he is the president , you know . Under the circumstances Schmidt described , I 'd say the selfie was not necessarily in poor taste for the President . But was it poor form ? As President of the United States , a man watched and scrutinized at every angle , he is no doubt very careful about how his behavior is perceived . He surely knew that picture would wind up pinging around the Internet and on the evening news and cleverly headlined front pages . Perhaps he wanted to send a message to the people , anyway , to say , `` Hey , I 'm just like you . '' Now if he wanted to avoid the scrutiny altogether and send a more somber message to the public , he might have held off and joined in on the picture in a more private setting . The moment , however , did not seem to call for such discretion . What 's my bottom line ? President Obama 's behavior was appropriate for that particular occasion , for that particular culture at that precise moment . And what is the protocol for behavior at funerals for the rest of us : selfies and beyond ? Well , if you , too , happen to attend a funeral or memorial service at a stadium where the people are up dancing and singing and laughing in the aisles , then it 's perfectly fine to take a selfie with your seat mates . The key here is that there is a proper time and place for everything , and that 's where decorum comes in . That I would need to explain this will seem surprising to some , but this is , after all , a time when websites such as Selfies at a Funeral exist . So bear with me : Firing off a selfie during a solemn moment such as the prayer or scripture reading is highly inappropriate and terribly disrespectful . The same shot during the gathering or meal service afterward is all right . Taking photos within the confines of the church or synagogue or funeral home can be perceived as highly inappropriate . It is important to be aware of this and remain respectful of the family , the culture and the environment you are in . Funerals and memorials take on a different meaning from culture to culture ; some are very somber , others quite celebratory . It is our duty to be sensitive to the entire moment and in some cases it might be difficult to tell what that requires . Here 's a handy rule of thumb : To avoid offending , err on the side of caution and just hold off on that selfie until the funeral has ended . The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Elaine Swann .
Elaine Swann : Obama `` selfie '' with Denmark PM at Mandela memorial looked inappropriate . But photog said it was during celebratory part of service ; first lady had been smiling , too . She says selfie appropriate for Obama , given circumstances , but not usually OK at funerals . Swann : In church , synagogue , at services , selfies not OK etiquette . Comment: