When Susan Patton , a Princeton alumna , advised in an open letter that Princeton coeds find a husband before they graduate , she provoked an avalanche of responses that span the spectrum from `` good idea '' to `` no way . '' So , what should young women make of her advice ? It turns out that we actually know a lot about the consequences of choosing a mate at an early age . Most of it shows that , on average , delaying marriage confers a number of advantages to women -- and to men as well . Research over the last several decades has repeatedly demonstrated that women who postpone marriage are less likely to divorce , more likely to attain economic stability for themselves and their children , and more likely to express satisfaction with their family and work commitments . Even `` Knot Yet , '' a recent report co-written by the National Marriage Project and concerned with the possible costs of postponing marriage , clearly shows that delayed marriage improves the socioeconomic prospects of women and their families ( especially among more privileged groups ) , reduces the chance of divorce and allows women to attain important life goals . Opinion : If only I 'd snagged a Princeton man . It 's no mystery why this is the case . Amid our post-industrial , hi-tech economy , it takes longer to gain the personal insights and occupational skills needed to make a successful transition to adulthood . It takes time not just to develop the practical knowledge needed to negotiate a rapidly changing world but also to gain a clear sense of purpose about one 's own life and about the kind of person one wishes to have as a life partner . In my own research , young women from diverse backgrounds consistently agreed , in the words of one of my respondents , that `` you need to find out who you are first '' before you are ready to choose a lifelong partner . This woman was the first member of her family to graduate from college . But whether they were graduates of an elite university or making their way through a community college while holding a full-time job , these young women were keenly aware of the challenges facing today 's relationships . They overwhelmingly hope to create a lasting marriage -- or `` marriage-like relationship '' -- in the long run . But they also believe the best chance of making a marriage work is to first establish their own identity and independence . As another young woman put it , as she discussed her plans to finish college and find a good job before settling down , `` I want to be stable for myself , so I 'm not getting married prematurely . '' These are just some of the reasons the average age at first marriage has been rising for several decades and now hovers around 27 for women and 29 for men . Younger generations have concluded , accurately , that their options do not contract after schooling , that they can take time to develop their own identities and make important life commitments , and that it may make sense to wait . If the evidence supporting the option of delayed marriage is so strong , why has a letter urging women to choose a partner early garnered so much attention ? Perhaps because , despite the crumbling barriers that have allowed women to enter the halls of once all-male enclaves such as Princeton , so much remains unchanged . Susan Patton never questions the norm that women should `` marry up '' -- and by extension , men should marry `` down '' -- on a variety of dimensions , including education , accomplishment and age . ( Nor does she question the assumption that mate choice is universally heterosexual , but that is a topic for another debate . ) Yet a thorough gender revolution means questioning such assumptions about how women ( and men ) select a life partner . Genuine equality means jettisoning assumptions that all women should choose a partner who is older , more professionally accomplished or even more intelligent . The young women I have interviewed are far more likely to stress the importance of such criteria as mutual support , respect and love in a marital partnership . Most of all , decisions about when and whom to marry are deeply personal , and advice that presumes `` one size fits all '' is more likely to trigger unnecessary anxiety than to offer useful help . Instead of telling new generations what choices to make , we should turn our attention to creating the social supports and economic opportunities that will help them forge the more egalitarian relationships , satisfying work careers and work-family balance they desire , regardless of when -- and whether -- they marry .
Susan Patton , a Princeton alumna , advised women to find a husband before they graduate . Kathleen Gerson : " The best way for young people today is not to marry at all but to get married and have children later in life when the time has come. " She says women who marry later are less likely to divorce and attain important life goals . Gerson : The decision one makes about when and whom to marry is deeply personal .