( CNN ) -- Despite the fact that basic math and science cause me to bleed from my ears , I once confidently oversaw the design and construction of a fully functional nuclear power plant that provided safe energy to thousands of people . Hell , I even placed it next to a playground . And for decades it never once experienced so much as the slightest hint of disaster . Until the monster came . `` Sir , you better take a look at this . '' `` Aww , jeez . '' Yes , that was a rather dark day in the thriving metropolis of Jarrett-Is-Awesome-Ville . So , in response , as mayor , I quickly approved funding for a new football stadium . Which did n't seem to help with disaster management . `` Sir , the people would like a word with you . '' Of course , I was never really mayor of a town -- I do n't wear pants nearly often enough to hold down that kind of job -- but I did enthusiastically play one on the classic city-building simulator , `` SimCity . '' So , you can only imagine the excitement I felt recently when the Internet suddenly starting buzzing about the upcoming release of a brand new version of the only video game I ever loved . And as more and more mentions of it started popping up all over the Web , one thing became perfectly clear : I was n't alone in my undying passion for building fake roads . That said , it 's been many years and several epic steps in computer technology since I 've actually played the game ( it debuted in 1989 ) . However , on March 5 , those of us who have long fancied ourselves as urban planners will get a completely modern version of `` SimCity '' to once again assist us in the gleeful neglect of our jobs , family , and personal hygiene . Which , when you think about it , is fairly amazing . `` Sim City '' should n't be fun . Not even a little bit . Essentially , it 's local governance . And from someone who just went through the process of obtaining a real-life building variance , I can assure you that City Hall is n't exactly the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese . And it probably has more traces of feces . Yet , somehow , laying out your very own town from scratch , managing its budget , and occasionally destroying the whole community with monsters and earthquakes is unquestionably appealing . The true beauty of `` SimCity '' is that for every disgruntled person who ever said , `` This whole place is run by idiots , '' the game offers a way for you to prove to the world -- or at least , maybe , to your cat -- that you can do better . And , if nothing else , you can definitely take out all your day-to-day frustrations by bulldozing a train station . You know , without actually bulldozing a train station . Which , after a full week of intense investigative journalism , I can now confirm is `` illegal . '' So , the other day , as a remarkably distinguished member of the international media , I had the opportunity to play a pre-release trial version of the new `` SimCity , '' thus making it a five-star weekend . Whatever . You have your major accomplishments in life . I have mine . Unfortunately , however , on that beautiful and momentous Saturday I actually had to borrow my friend 's PC laptop to do so -- which made me feel both confused and dirty . Or at least more so than normal . Sadly , the Mac version of the game wo n't be available until later in the spring . So , the cool kids will just have to wait . Which is going to be tough . Seriously , if I was a grizzly bear I 'd probably just hibernate until late April , wake up , stretch , murder a bunch of salmon , and then immediately download the new `` SimCity . '' And then murder more salmon . Because I 'm a grizzly bear . Who owns a MacBook Pro . So , here 's what I can tell you : The graphics are really pretty . And it 's very thorough . Very . I ca n't confirm this , but it 's entirely possible that you have to choose interior wallpaper for the local VD clinic . Also known as the future home of The Purell Center . What can I say ? I like to name things in my pretend community . Our future Major League Soccer team will play in the Bill and Melinda Gates Terror Dome ! Aside from the updated , fancy graphics and insane attention to detail , the other notable highlight of this new version of the game is the option for multiplayer and multicity . You can actually manage up to 16 towns at once and compete against other people . Though , personally , I prefer to make `` SimCity '' a simple , private affair . It 's much easier to willfully launch a tornado on the trailer park when you do n't have to answer to anyone . Except The Sims . Your citizens . Who I imagine will be super enthusiastic to live in my temporary disaster housing , Joy Acres . Our motto : `` We want you to be happy ! '' And why should n't they be ? They 'll have a great view of the nuclear power plant . `` Sir , the people would like a word with you . ''
Jarrett Bellini checks out a trial version of the updated `` SimCity '' video game . The game lets you lay out your very own town from scratch and manage its budget . Bellini : `` What can I say ? I like to name things in my pretend community '' Online buzz has been building for the game , which comes out March 5 .