When the rocket scientist Yvonne Brill died in March , The New York Times celebrated her as the maker of a `` mean beef stroganoff '' and `` the world 's best mother . '' When my 4-year-old daughter , Ellie , a wildly creative and interesting girl , finished a year of preschool last week , her teachers gave her an award for being the best dressed . A few years ago at my son 's preschool camp award ceremony , I sat silently as well-meaning counselors called each child forward . Girls : best hair , best clothes , best friend , best helper and best artist . Boys : best runner , best climber , best builder and best thrower . My son won best soccer player . In general , girls received awards for their personalities and appearance and boys for their actions and physical attributes . It was similar at my daughter 's ceremony , where the teacher told us that all the children were so excited to see what award they would receive ; it had obviously been built up as a big deal . The gender disparity was subtle but present . A boy received best engineer . A girl got best friend . Another girl was the best helper , and another most compassionate . A boy received best break dancer . A girl was named most athletic , and the teacher told us how when all the class raced around the track this girl `` beat everyone ! Even the boys ! '' And then my daughter got her certificate , showing her in a funky orange sweater , tight pants , and holding a bowling ball . Her award -- best dressed . Many decades after the feminist movement of the 1960s , why are we still stuck in this gender-norming rut ? More : CNN 's 'Girl Rising ' The truth is that my daughter may well be the best dressed in her class . She has a terrific sense of style . One day she put on a hand-me-down Disney princess outfit , looked in the mirror and said , `` OK Dad , I 'm ready to dig for worms ! '' Another day , she went to school in a pink dress , green rain boots and a viking helmet . I frequently come home to find her in a pirate costume . She 's practical and became outraged when she discovered that her `` girl jeans '' turned out to have fake pockets . `` Daddy , '' she said , `` Where am I going to put my pine cones ? '' If she 's the best dressed , it 's because of her creativity . Sometimes , I find the prospect of raising a girl to be terrifying . The forces of patriarchy conspire to render girls weak , subordinate and sexually objectified . When we respond to infants by gendering our speech , strong for boys and lilting for girls , we immediately start to shape their interactions with the world . More : Christiane Amanpour 's open letter to girls of the world . I would once have said nothing was worse than the conspicuous consumption mantras of Barbie or the female-subjugation messaging of Disney , but then I encountered the hyper-sexualized elementary-school girls called Bratz . And then there 's underwear . Boys mostly get superheroes and girls get hearts and flowers , but at least Dora is an explorer . All too soon Ellie will encounter the world of Justin Bieber nightgowns and Victoria 's Secret underwear for tweens . The teenage years with the new dangers of sex , alcohol , eating disorders and more will arrive before we know it . I ca n't save her from all of this , and anyway we buy into purity culture ( the notion that only a father 's constant surveillance can save our daughters ) at our peril and the peril of our daughters . Our daughters need to be strong , not closeted and coddled . We have to arm them with the tools to question , resist and change our patriarchal culture . Ellie 's teacher is the kind of smart and strong young woman I want as a role model for my daughter ( she 's also a really snappy dresser ) , and I know she was only trying to make the transition moment special for each student . She absolutely intended to celebrate the way Ellie expresses her creativity through clothes . But gender stereotypes are , by their very nature , pernicious . They creep into our minds , shaping our perceptions of the world on a subconscious level , tricking us into betraying our values . Our culture constantly projects the message that only appearances matter , and this message is aimed squarely at our children . We can fight this only by working against the grain , resisting gendered language and emphasizing the internal over the external . If my daughter 's creativity shines through in her choice of clothing , then celebrate both that creativity and the critical thinking that lies at the heart of all creative acts with a most creative award . Or we could just let Ellie tell us what she wants us to celebrate . When she picked up her award , she beamed at the picture of herself holding the bowling ball so proudly . `` Daddy ! '' she said , `` I won best bowler ! ''
David Perry : At preschool , daughter named best dressed ; prizes ran along gender lines . He says gender stereotyping starts with the way we talk to girls as babies . He says Disney princesses , sexy clothes , dolls point girls at sexual subjugation , weakness . Perry : Resist stereotypes , arm girls to question and change patriarchal culture .