( CNN ) -- I got married the Saturday before Labor Day . My partner Jená and I had been a couple for nearly nine years and living together for six . Which is why the most frequent refrain she and I heard all weekend was , `` It 's about time ! '' So why , after all these years , did we decide to tie the knot ? Well , it has something to do with gay marriage . We live in Seattle , Washington . Ever since the voters of our state enacted marriage equality in a 2012 referendum , dozens of friends have entered into same-sex marriages . Many had been together for years or even decades but rushed to get the seal of the state on their unions . What has struck me about this boomlet of connubial bliss -- a steady parade of weddings with double white dresses or double tuxedos , and all the traditional trappings and rituals -- is that something very deeply American is happening : We are using progress to conserve an institution . And/or : We are conserving something to make progress . I 'd supported Referendum 74 and spoken out in favor of it . The argument I 'd made most often was that interracial marriage had once been illegal , and a ban on same-sex marriage was similarly unjust and repugnant . The analogy seemed direct , and the need for straight allies of color to stand up for marriage equality seemed urgent . After the campaign , watching all these couples who 'd fought for recognition finally achieve it and joyfully claim it , I was stirred by something other than social justice . I began to appreciate more deeply what marriage truly means , why it matters , and how the experience of a ceremony and a public commitment -- to say nothing of the shared life that 's thereby transformed -- is so necessary . Now , to be sure , there were some visceral reasons why Jená and I had for so long stuck with cohabitation and `` practically married '' status . Each of us had been married once before , and the endings had left us both a little wary . What helped get us over that wariness was in part the passage of time and the strengthening of our bond as we experienced life together , for better and worse . Part of it too was the catalytic example of our gay and lesbian friends , neighbors and colleagues . They showed us that marriage is different . That `` wife '' and `` husband '' are different from `` partner '' or `` girlfriend/boyfriend . '' That vows spoken publicly are different from assurances whispered privately . That if fear should block us from exercising a right like the right to marry , then we should consider how it 'd feel to be denied the right altogether . That the reason this institution is vital is that in the end it 's not about rights ; it 's about responsibility -- of one spouse to the other ; of the couple to their people , and vice versa . Opponents of marriage equality have claimed that letting gays and lesbians marry would devalue marriage , subvert its purposes , lead to the collapse of families . In poll after poll , across the country , the anti-equality advocates are losing . More importantly , though , in state after state , they 're being proven wrong . Marriage today has a new glow to it , a vibrancy that comes with the entry of all these same-sex newcomers . It 's akin to the way that immigrants have revitalized dying rural towns and neglected urban neighborhoods , injecting new blood , new money , and new energy into dilapidated structures . Eight days before we spoke our vows in front of family and friends , Jená and I went to the courthouse . Our friend who performed the legal wedding there is a justice of the Washington State Supreme Court . Since the passage of marriage equality she 's been the go-to judge for same-sex weddings . There are two reasons why . One , she is lesbian and a pioneer in the legal community . Two , her name is Mary Yu . When someone named Mary Yu marries you , things feel right . And when our big wedding ceremony a week later concluded with vows that all our people made to us , the larger implications of marriage equality became vividly clear . Far from subverting or undermining the institution of marriage , gays and lesbians are fortifying it . Not just by forming their own families . But also by giving people like me and Jená the courage to remake ours . So yes , I speak stoutly in defense of marriage -- marriage for all -- and I do so because I am grateful to be reminded by those once excluded what a powerful thing it is to join the matrimonial tribe .
Eric Liu : My longtime partner , Jená , and I finally got married before Labor Day . Liu : So why , after nearly nine years , did we decide to tie the knot ? He says seeing many friends fight so hard for same-sex marriage rights was inspiring . Liu : I began to appreciate what marriage truly means and why it 's so important .