( OPRAH.com ) -- A year ago , writer Lori Gottlieb set off a firestorm -- that 's what Meredith Vieira called it on the `` Today '' show -- with an essay in The Atlantic titled `` Marry Him ! '' Her argument : If you 're a woman on the cusp of 30 , you should suck it up and settle down with Mr. Good Enough , as waiting for Mr . Right probably means missing out , resigning yourself to a purgatory of depressing dates and meaningless flings until , finally , no one bothers to call anymore because you 're , gulp , too old . In a generation of women coming off the bacchanal of `` Sex and the City '' , Gottlieb 's article hit like a horrible hangover . It entered the pantheon of incendiary articles about women and marriage that pop up in every era -- like the outrageous ( and later debunked ) claim , in Newsweek in 1986 , that a 40-year-old woman was more likely to be killed by a terrorist than marry . Gottlieb 's piece polarized readers . Some said her argument was common sense , that women must confront the biological realities that suggest they 're most marriageable when they 're young and fertile . Other readers said she was telling women to sell out their dreams and shut down their hearts . Oprah.com : 6 love decisions we 've made for you . In time for Valentine 's Day , Gottlieb is back , with an entire book devoted to her theory . Part `` The Rules '' and part Malcolm Gladwellian sociopop , `` Marry Him : The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough '' is surprisingly , unnervingly convincing . Gottlieb interviewed an array of experts -- sociologists , behavioral economists , social psychologists , and statisticians -- who presented evidence about why online dating does n't work , what women can really expect when they 're in their 40s ( there are only 72 single men for every 100 women in the 45-to-65-year-old demographic , according to a U.S. Census figure she cites ) , and why women are fundamentally the choosier sex . `` There are so many really wonderful men out there , men who want commitment , who want to be married , who are attractive and smart and interesting , '' Gottlieb says . `` They may not be movie-star attractive , they may be awkward at first , they may not fit our cultural image of who Mr . Right or who Prince Charming is . But we should n't pass them up . Look what happened to me . '' What happened to Gottlieb ? Educated and independent , she is gorgeous , vivacious , and sharply witty . She went to Stanford Medical School ; she has written several books , two of which have been optioned by Hollywood . In other words , she is such a fantastic catch that she assumed she would never have to settle , that a Superhusband -- romantic , brilliant , baggage-free -- would emerge from the ether and sweep her into an eternally fulfilling marriage . But , she says , she missed the boat -- several times -- by focusing on potential mates ' flaws and expecting too much . Now 42 , she has a 4-year-old son , courtesy of a sperm donor . `` We are taught as young women in this culture that compromise is a bad word , '' she says . `` We tell each other : 'You go , girl . You get the best . You deserve the best . ' It 's not so much narcissism as a false cultural perception of our worth . We want the ten , because we think we 're a ten . But we 're missing the fact that we 're not . Nobody is . Men have flaws , but we have flaws , too . '' Oprah.com : What woman learned from dating 100 men . Surely , some women will find `` Marry Him '' more than a little off-putting . Its subtitle makes the prospect of marriage sound like a life sentence . And sometimes Gottlieb 's call to arms sounds so pragmatic as to be loveless . Readers may also ask , what is an unhappily single woman doing , telling us how and why to get married ? But maybe the question is , who better ? For a woman who once would n't have thought of dating a short man in a bow tie , she has come a long way . ( In the book , Gottlieb described dating just such a guy , and you root for the pair , until he moves to Chicago . ) She is currently `` accepting invitations from men everywhere , '' she says with a laugh . Or as she puts it in the book 's dedication : `` For my husband , whoever you are . '' Oprah.com : How ( not ) to get a man . Subscribe to O , The Oprah Magazine for up to 75 % off the newsstand price . That 's like getting 18 issues FREE . Subscribe now ! TM & © 2011 Harpo Productions , Inc. All Rights Reserved .
New book makes a case for women being less choosy . ` ` Marry Him : The Case for Settling for Mr. Good , '' continues debate . Author Karen Smith is 42 and faces loss of life .