( RealSimple.com ) -- For this constantly bickering couple , talking about divorce forced them to re-evaluate and revamp their differing communication styles . Akilah and Kris Richards Lawrenceville , Georgia Married eight years . When Akilah and Kris became friends in the 10th grade , she was the extroverted captain of the cheerleading squad and the student-government vice president . He was a precocious student ( he had skipped a grade ) and a serious artist who preferred drawing to , well , people . Still , they clicked . `` I liked that Kris was really laid-back , '' says Akilah , 33 , `` and he appreciated my big personality . '' RealSimple.com : What is your body language saying ? She and Kris , 32 , lost touch after graduation but reconnected through an old pal four years later . Their friendship picked up where it had left off and slowly evolved into something more . `` After one phone call , in which we joked about the typical day of a married couple , I knew he would be my husband , '' Akilah recalls . Problems started shortly after their 2002 marriage . They bickered over everything , from Kris 's habit of leaving his shoes in the front hallway to how often the home office should be cleaned . ( The couple jointly own their own businesses . ) A slight difference of opinion would leave them fuming for days . `` We 'd high-five each other if we could go three days without a fight , '' Akilah admits . The qualities the couple once prized in each other -- Akilah 's verve and attitude , Kris 's easygoing manner -- were now sources of irritation . When faced with a problem , Akilah preferred to lay everything out on the table , while Kris , who hates conflict , would try to drop the subject . `` Now I realize avoiding the issue just made everything get worse , '' he says . All that pent-up frustration was bound to explode -- and it did , on one wintry evening in December 2009 . Akilah and Kris had taken their two daughters to a Kwanzaa celebration . When their five year old , Marley , climbed onto the stage during a performance , Kris was appalled by her behavior and gave her a stern dressing down . Akilah thought he was overreacting and angrily told him so . Kris withdrew coldly . The pair drove home in sullen silence , put Marley and her younger sister , Sage , three , to bed , and once again began to fight . Akilah knew she had reached a tipping point in the marriage . Throughout her teens , she had watched her mother struggle in a troubled relationship . `` I remember all the anger and raised voices , '' she says . `` My mother was unhappy but stayed with her boyfriend for years . That was not what I wanted for myself . '' A few days later , Akilah told Kris she intended to call a divorce lawyer . He was shocked and saddened . But he did n't want to argue anymore , either . Numbly , he agreed . RealSimple.com : 10 ways to make your marriage divorceproof . Soon after , the couple sat down to rehearse how they would break the news to their daughters . And Kris surprised Akilah . Calmly , he started asking her questions that warranted thoughtful answers , like `` How can I speak honestly when you lash out at what I say ? '' Once Akilah realized her husband was genuinely trying to understand what had gone wrong between them , she says , `` I was willing to stop saying ' I quit ' and get into the thick of things with him . '' Akilah and Kris discussed what was upsetting about the other 's communication style . Kris felt Akilah tended to cross-examine him . Akilah needed Kris to talk to her rather than retreat . To break the cycle , Kris proposed they set aside a period of time to think through an issue before hashing out a solution . And when Akilah felt herself acting like an imperious prosecutor , she would reach out and take Kris 's hand . `` That simple gesture reminded me of what matters -- our relationship -- not the details of some trivial incident , '' she says . Today the two still have their scuffles , `` but we get through the conflicts better and faster , '' says Kris . During a recent trip to New York City , Akilah was irked when Kris scheduled a client appointment that took up some of the time they had planned to spend sightseeing . `` A year ago , we would have gotten in a snit and gone our separate ways for the day , '' says Akilah . This time they talked it through and took advantage of the hours they could be together . `` A lot of people have a misconception that marriage is the culmination of a relationship , '' says Kris . `` Far from it . Marriage is a constant process of finding the best possible way to connect with another person -- and that 's what Akilah and I want from each other . '' Get a FREE TRIAL issue of Real Simple - CLICK HERE ! Copyright © 2011 Time Inc. All rights reserved .
Akilah and Kris bickered over everything shortly after they married in 2002 . When faced with a problem , Akilah preferred to talk ; Kris would try to drop the subject . While rehearsing divorce talks for daughters , couple explored relationship . They were both very open about their feelings towards each other but didn't want to hurt either of them by revealing too much.