( CNN ) -- Hear that ? Over the whirring drone of the cogs of industry , the grinding of the tectonic plates , the gentle flap-flap-flapping of a legion of butterfly wings -- all indications of a world still turning -- comes the gentle weeping of the heart-wrenched masses , mourning the fact that they are utterly and completely alone . A fact that will be rubbed in -- like so much paprika in a cannibal victim 's wound -- during that one day per year next week when love and being loved matters the most ( SarcMark Â® ) . Since we write for a media outlet , it 's basically etched into our blood-lettered contract that we address that day of days in some kind of thematic way . However , instead of helping you all stave off the crushing wave of loneliness that 's threatening to crest on the 14th , we 're just going to highlight some of the weirdest love life-enhancing apps we 've encountered on our dusty travels . C'mon , you did n't want a relationship anyway -- drunken crying is so much more acceptable when enjoyed alone . How to lose friends and influence people . You know those two friends -- the pair that is SO obviously in love with each other but just ca n't quite get it together enough to date ? Do n't you wish those crazy kids would stop ( playfully ) punching each other and ( playfully ) criticizing each other 's lifestyles and just get it on already ? Well , thanks to Facebook ( and Walgreens ) you can finally push your pals into the loving relationship that they so obviously long for . The drugstore chain is out with a super-subtle app called `` Play Cupid '' that allows you to choose from a series of virtual photo frames emblazoned with phrases like `` Caution ! Hot Couple ! '' and `` Why Are n't You Dating Yet ? '' and plug in those unsuspecting future lovebirds . Finish off the virtual Valentine with a gift suggestion for the pair -- like plush toys or K-Y Jelly -- and post the whole thing to your Facebook wall for all to see . For your noble labors , you will then be gifted with a coupon for something truly fabulous , like David Beckham cologne . See ? Everyone wins . Except they do n't . They really do n't . Want a restraining order for Valentine 's Day ? It 's the most common of queries after a relationship goes sour : What went wrong ? A body can drive himself mad ruminating on such a question , which is why it 's usually the healthiest course of action to shove all that self-loathing deep , deep down into your entrails , hit the whiskey and just conclude that he or she is a hateful ... rhymes with `` ick . '' But what if you could know -- and we mean KNOW -- beyond a shadow of a doubt why your former lover recoils from your very lingering touch ? Enter : Wot Went Wrong , a brand-new service that allows you to send a virtual comment card to your ex asking , well , `` 'Wot ' went wrong ? ' '' Both parties can offer each other constructive feedback on their positive and negative traits , and the dumper can tell the dumpee just why s/he did the dumping : `` You do n't like pets , '' `` You drink too much , '' `` You 're married . '' Or , you know , `` You send me weird , needy virtual comment cards . '' Screw fate , you have an iPhone . As myriad self-help books will tell you , you could find your soulmate anywhere ! The coffee shop down the street ! The bookstore ! The feminine hygiene aisle of the supermarket ! So chin up , chaps , turn that hideous frown upside down and always make sure you 're wearing your `` nice '' underwear . Or , you know , take fate into your own hands and download Crowded Room . Crowded Room is an Android/iPhone app that allows you to meet up with like-minded people as you go about your business each day . Sign in via Facebook , port your soul over into the app and start checking in to spots or broadcasting where you might go later . The app will then suggest people to meet at said places based on their interests , as well as places where people who share your interests hang out . If you see someone who strikes your fancy , you can then message or `` shortlist them '' ( the virtual equivalent of , `` Hey , Bobby , will you tell Susy that I like her ? ) . You 're staring vacantly at your cell , anyway , you might as well eke out some form of human interaction before your heart powers down .
Our digital-etiquette columnists highlight some of the weirdest romance-oriented apps . Wot Went Wrong allows you to send a virtual comment card to your ex . The app is designed for people who are in relationships with other people, but not necessarily romantic ones.