ɐlˈɔŋ ðə wˈeɪ, ðə ɹˈiːdɚ mˈiːts mˈoːɹ ʌvðə lˈoʊkəl kˈæɹɪktɚz, ɪŋklˈuːdɪŋ "ɹˈɔŋ wˈeɪ" nˌæpəlɪtˈɑːnoʊ, hˌuː sˈʌmtaɪmz jˈuːsᵻz ðə tɹænsɐtlˈæntɪk dʒˈɛt plˈeɪnz hiː flˈaɪz fɚɹə mˈeɪdʒɚɹ ˈɛɹlaɪn tə spˈɑːt fˈɪʃ fɔːɹ hɪz fˈɪʃɚmən ɹˈɛlətˌɪvz ɪnðə ɡˈʌlf ʌv mˈeɪn; "mˈuːs" lˈɔːɹd, ɐ lˈɔŋtaɪm fɹˈɛnd ʌv "bˈɪɡ bˈɛndʒi" pˈɪɹs hˌuː kəntɹˈækts ɐ ɹˈɛɹ ænd ɛkstɹˈiːmli nˈæsti fˈɔːɹm ʌv kˈænsɚ ðæt hˈɔːkaɪ hɐz tə tɹˈiːt; "ɡˈuːfəs" mˈæk dˈʌf, ðə mˈɛdɪkəl dᵻɹˈɛktɚɹ ʌv spɹˈuːs hˈɑːɹbɚ dʒˈɛnɚɹəl, hˌuːz ɐbˈɪləɾi tə sˈʌmɚɹˌaɪz ɐ kˈeɪs ænd ɹˈiːtʃ ðə kəmplˈiːtli ɹˈɔŋ kəŋklˈuːʒən ænd dˌaɪəɡnˈoʊsɪs ɪz ðə stˈʌf ʌv lˈɛdʒənd tə ðə swˈɑːmpmɛn; "dˈɑːɡi" mˈʊɹ, ðə pɹˈiːviəsli mˈɛnʃənd dʒˈɛnɚɹəl pɹæktˈɪʃənɚ hˌuːz ɐdˈɑːptᵻd sˈʌn tʃˈɪp ʃˈɔːɹt fɔːɹ tʃˈɪpmʌŋk mˈʊɹ wʌzɐ hˈaɪ skˈuːl ænd kˈɑːlɪdʒ bˈʌdi ʌv hˈɔːkaɪz; "hˈæf ɐ mˈæn" tˈɪmbɚlˌeɪk, hˌuː ɪz nˌɑːt ˈoʊvɚli bɹˈaɪt bˌʌt ɪz sˈɛkʃuːəli ɪnsˈeɪʃɪəbəl, ænd wˈʊdən lˈɛɡz lˈɔɪəl hˈɛntʃmən; ðə θɹˈiː lˈoʊkəl hˈʊkɚz, bˈæŋbˈæŋ" bˈɛɾi, "mˈætɹəs" mˈɛɹi, ænd "mˈeɪd" mˈæɹiən; ænd hˈɔːkaɪz ˈʌŋkəl lˈuːɪs "lˈuː ðə dʒˈuː" pˈɪɹs, hˌuː ɪz ɐ fɐnˈæɾɪk ɡˈɑːlfɚ ænd lˈaɪvz ˌɔn ɐn ˈoʊld fˈɪʃɪŋ pˈɪɹ ɪnðə sˈɑːlɪd ɹˈʌst kˈædɪlˌæk.
Along the way, the reader meets more of the local characters, including "Wrong Way" Napolitano, who sometimes uses the transatlantic jet planes he flies for a major airline to spot fish for his fisherman relatives in the Gulf of Maine; "Moose" Lord, a longtime friend of "Big Benjy" Pierce who contracts a rare and extremely nasty form of cancer that Hawkeye has to treat; "Goofus" MacDuff, the medical director of Spruce Harbor General, whose ability to summarize a case and reach the completely wrong conclusion and diagnosis is the stuff of legend to the Swampmen; "Doggy" Moore, the previously mentioned general practitioner whose adopted son Chip (short for Chipmunk) Moore was a high school and college buddy of Hawkeye's; "Half A Man" Timberlake, who is not overly bright but is sexually insatiable, and Wooden Leg's loyal henchman; the three local hookers, 'Bang-Bang" Betty, "Mattress" Mary, and "Made" Marion; and Hawkeye's Uncle Lewis "Lew the Jew" Pierce, who is a fanatic golfer and lives on an old fishing pier in The Solid Rust Cadillac.