tˈuː mˈɛn ɑːɹ fˈaɪɾɪŋ tʃˈaɪnətˌaʊn tˈɑːŋz, wˈʌn ɪz ɐ bˈɜːɡlɚ, ɐnˈʌðɚɹ ɪz ɐ wˈɛlθi mˈɜːtʃənts sˈʌn ɪn lˈʌv wɪð hɪz fˈɑːðɚz stɛnˈɑːɡɹəfɚ, hˌuː dɹˈiːmz ʌv bᵻkˈʌmɪŋ ðə ɡɹˈeɪɾɪst mˈuːvi ˈæktɹəs, ɐnˈʌðɚɹ ɪz ɐ pɹˈaɪvət ɪn lˈʌv wɪððə mˈɜːtʃənts wˈɔːɹd, ænd fˈaɪnəli ðɛɹˈɪz "ðə kˈɪkɚ," hˌuː fˈaɪndz fˈɔlt wɪð ˈɛvɹɪθˌɪŋ.
Two men are fighting Chinatown tongs, one is a burglar, another is a wealthy merchant's son in love with his father's stenographer, who dreams of becoming the greatest movie actress, another is a private in love with the merchant's ward, and finally there is "the Kicker," who finds fault with everything.