Hey. Fellow cat owner here who's lost a couple recently. Know that you loved him - as he did you. You ended his pain, as he mellowed yours. Take time. When your ready, spread your love. Adopt from a shelter. He wouldn't want you feeling this way. With that said, it's normal to be this way after loss. Just let it come and accept it. I know the loss of meowing when you open the fridge, pooping alone - you don't realize what an impact it had until it's gone. Let the grief come, don't fight it. The only thing your guilty of is loving that little furpiece in the time the universe allowed. You were his forever. You always will be.