Losing a child has been the most difficult and dark journey I've ever faced. For so long, I feared that we'd remain in a fog of sadness and depression for the rest of our lives. Those first few months were so painful, I thought I might never laugh with my family again.
I don't remember the first time I smiled after losing Austin, let alone laughed, but I'm sure on some level I felt guilty. Sometimes I still do. More than anything now though, I just wish he was here to experience whatever joy has showered our day.
It's been a little less than two years since Austin's passing. Sadly, the pain never really goes away, you just learn to function better with each day. There are still dark days, like rain clouds hovering over your head; but, there is sunshine now too. I smile. I laugh. I enjoy life, most of the time. It is hard. I can't sugar-coat that. But giving up and not experiencing all life has to offer would be harder.
If I had to pick a top lesson from this experience, it is to Live Every Moment.
Life - is short. Life - is a gift. It is a lesson Austin knew from the start, and looking back over his life, one of the things I am most proud of. He lived and he lived well. In his fourteen years on Earth, he lived more than most people do "in a lifetime". It is his legacy...and what has kept me going since losing him.
I couldn't sleep tonight and writing is often a way for me to release, relax, let go. This idea came to me and just wouldn't leave. It insisted, pleaded, urged me to the computer. It challenged me. It reminded me of how Austin would get his way, for whatever it was he wanted at the time. And I have to think he has something to do this project, if nothing else he is the inspiration for it.
So, here is my challenge. A challenge that I hope most days won't be so difficult to find. I'm searching for the JOY in every day. I'm seeking it with open arms. And I hope you'll join me!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Joy in Every Day