I am sure, like me, that you are pretty close, but you are human after all and we do have our limits. On Mother’s Day will you get a nice card, maybe even a present? What is it that you really need, a rest or perhaps a break? Would you like a holiday from the hardest job in the world? Chance would be a fine thing I hear you say.
It’s really important that we get some balance, but as we all know it is very difficult. Why is it so difficult? Well when we start to work things out in our heads, as to what we need to do, when and how; somewhere in all of this our needs get missed and so we are left till last.
What are these messages, and where do they come from, or even WHO do they come from? What are the messages that you hear when you DARE to put yourself first and challenge these thoughts or messages?
Do you recognize the messages or things you are saying in your head, do they remind you of anyone or anything? Why or who says you are not important now, that you don’t come first, is it your job to keep everyone else happy?
Do you need to listen to these messages and take them on board? Well as they are part of your life script and they have served you in certain situations you will find it easy to listen to them but can you challenge them? Now here’s the good news…YES you can! It’s through challenging these types of internal messages, that you will develop more confidence in your own ‘adult’ ability and this will increase your self-esteem and ultimately that of your children too, now how is that for multi-tasking!
Below are some pointers and tips on how to tackle these thoughts:
Remember if you don’t look after yourself, you are not truly present with your kids anyway! There is a reason on an inflight video that they say, put your oxygen mask on before your child.
Rather than just listening to those internal messages, challenge them and try to work out where they came from! You will have developed these from a young age and now is the time to ask yourself “Do I still need to listen to these now I am an adult?” Rationalise them and throw them out.
Communicate with your children. If you are feeling tired, emotional or drained, tell them and explain why you have withdrawn, this way they know you are still there for them but just taking time out for yourself. This shows them a really valuable lesson, people need space and time to ‘be’, so some really valuable modeling! If you try and pretend you are fine they will sense it and react accordingly, possibly trying their best to wind you up and stop you from withdrawing, as negative attention is better than no attention.
Ensure you use the support you have from family or friends, they are only human too and so will understand your needs, if they don’t tell them and help them understand rather than feeling frustrated with their lack of support!
It’s natural from the minute that we are born (if not before) for us to need connection and support from others. So when should we start trying to survive alone, doing everything for ourselves? The answer is NEVER!