Don't be so hard on yourself, but it's certainly OK to be disappointed, and use that disappointment as fuel!!

I grew up with fairly overweight parents, but I had a great physique as a child/teenager/young adult.  I swore to myself I'd never "get as big as Dad."   I remember thinking as a kid that my dad would die young because he was overweight (he's still alive, and he's never been THAT overweight, honestly - just the way kids see the world).  I remember seeing his pants as a kid, when I was wearing maybe 28" waist, and saw his pants were 38" waist.  I said to myself, man, I'll never get that big.  That is ridiculous!

Fast forward to age 22.    Drink a lot.  Have some money, so no worries about going out to breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  Never had a care in the world about my diet.  

Fast foward to age 30.  I am well past a size 38 (biggest pants I bought were size 42).  Friends and family I haven't seen in years comment on how big I am (ever notice how its "OK" to say that to a male friend/relative, but not a female??).    I am basically at the point where I say "fuck it, I'm gonna be a fatty for the rest of my days"

Fast forward to age 32.  My first child is born and she changes my world.    A few months later, I decide to try and lose some of this weight because I realize I can't keep up with my infant daughter.  My back hurts more than it ever has before.  I am losing my breath carrying the baby upstairs.  This and many other things made me realize it was time for a change.  So, initially I started counting calories.  Then I realized how many empty calories I was eating and *especially* drinking every day.  I made small changes to get to my calorie goal (-500 cal deficit).  The weight starts melting off.  I start working out, the weight continues to melt off and I start seeing more *gainz* in the mirror.  I have now lost 46 lbs in just under 4 months (which included Christmas, New Years, and quite a few 'cheat weekends').  I believe I am on the right path to a longer, healthier life.  

At the end of the day, my main advice to you is to not let a week long vacation, or a weekend with your friends get in the way of your goals.    You will have ups and downs - we all do.  I still want Pizza every day (hey, look up Caulipower Pizza - a nice sub!).  I still want deep fried everything.  But I don't have that stuff  very often - and when I do, it's accounted for in MyFitnessPal.  What don't I still want to do?  Graze on snacks all day long.  Sit there over a 5 lb bag of Starburst and eat them til I feel sick.  Gorge myself on junkfood right before bed (though, I still do eat snacks before bed almost every night - but I track them, and the types of snacks I have in my house are all 150 cals or less).

Anyway.  That was a giant rant.  Just know, this community is here to help, and **YOU CAN DO THIS, AGAIN.**  I am already so proud of you for posting your story and sharing your journey thus far - please do keep us posted.