Thing is if I look around at my Workplace or somewhere else than I see plenty of Guy's who have no Career, no Money, are not fit and are not good looking. And they change their Woman like their Socks. So i think hink it could be something different.

But yes that whole Process is really painful, if you had no positive Experience it's even worse. I just try to be busy all the Time but I know that the Feeling of Hopelessness is waiting for me around the Corner. 

One Thing that is really painful is that every few Weeks I get some Dreams about not being alone. Things like watching are Movie or going on Vacation. Had yesterday on where I was sitting on a Bench and was looking at a Town from a Hill or something like that. And we just sat there and she rested her Head on my Shoulder and be talked. I somethimes think I go crazy.