I also dug through your post history for a while, and just wanted to ask: are you okay? 

I watched this exact dynamic between my parents and even though us kids are all in our 30s (youngest is 27) now, my dad still won’t divorce. Granted, they do live on two separate continents for most of the year... but it still sucks seeing her treat my dad like garbage every time we do all get together. I’ve told him countless times that if he just divorced her, she wouldn’t have any of that power anymore.

Still. He’s old school and would never divorce (he turned 70 this year). That’s his reasoning anyway. I don’t really know what his honest reason is. I feel like he’s scared. 

The impact? My older brother is in a similar situation.   What. The. Fuck. I am worried that my brother is just one negative word from his wife from committing familicide/suicide. 

In a comment a while back you mentioned that you guys screwed up on communication and now it’s just all gone to shit; can I ask why you feel like there is no hope in trying again? 

Also, does it worry you how your children feel when they witness this dynamic between their parents on a daily basis? Do you think they are fine with this? (I never was. It killed me to see my hard working dad being spoken to like garbage). I know you’re trying to be a good dad, but staying in a horrible marriage and doing nothing about it might actually hurt them, too. Your kids must love you and want you to be happy—seeing you hurt makes them hurt, too.

One suggestion I have is to talk to your kids. Can be positive if you want, but maybe communicate with them about how they might be feeling about all this. My dad usually tried to talk to me after they’ve had a terrible blow out, and it helped. My mother would always scream at him that she’d have left him if it wasn’t for us, and it always felt like we were the cause of their unhappiness (forced to stay together unhappy because we were their responsibility to raise). My dad always came after and would explain that my mom is just “my mom” and to not take what she says personally.