I am so glad that you didn’t go through with it.    Your 🐈 needs you too.
You need some love and attention.  If you really only have your cat right now that’s okay.    I wouldn’t mention the suicide thoughts going as far as planning because s/he
would have to report it depending on where you live.  The hopeless and other things that you have described.
Maybe you need a medication adjustment.    I am assuming you see a psychiatrist as you mentioned a cocktail of medication.