Give an unexpected answer:

When she whines about something, you give her a look like she's being ridiculous and sarcastically say, "That's horrible, no seriously, you may not see it, but right now I'm crying inside."  She expected you to console her but well, you didn't--and on purpose.

Your brunette wife says, "I had a dream you were with some other girl!"  You curiously ask, "Was she blonde?  Was she....  Did she....?  Well if I cheated on you in your dream, I at least want to know what she looked like."  She expected you to console her but well, you didn't.

  You respond with a your best bullshit voice, "Honey, why would I want to hang out with some girl that when she laughs, her smile has this cute little dimple and she does this [quirky thing] and [some other quirky thing] and her favorite color is purple, which I hate.  I'd much rather be with you."  Of course don't describe a real girl she knows.

One way to say something unexpected is the say the opposite of what's suppose to be said.

Twist reality.  For instance, talk to her like she's a little kid.    Or at dinner time, tell her it's time for supper and to go wash her hands.  If you both are shopping and she's about to take off on her own, tell her "And no running."

 followed with a big smirk on your face.

She's about to paint her nails but she can't find her file, tell her, "I have belt sander in the garage."

Sometimes if you picture an  embarrassing situation, get her to see herself in that picture.

Associate her with something negative.  Here's an example of what a guy did to me, but I wouldn't use it on her.  It's just to give you an idea.      Or for example, a girl has a lot of pictures of herself (and friends) in her bedroom, say, "You know an interesting fact?  Most dictators force their citizens to put their pictures all over the place."



Another edit:  though I cursed in some of the examples, the words are not directed at her.