Pretty much in the same boat. When I reflect on poor decisions I've made - drinking was right there with it. I tell myself I am going to quit and I do...for awhile. After an poor life decision, when I feel like my life is ruined, I try and listen/read stories of people who are going through the same thing. Also, encouraging stories of people who have quit. I read about how to stop drinking and stay sober. I talk to people, or use help call/text lines for mental health. They usually calm me down a bit. I try and make a plan on how I am going to do better this time. It takes some time, but I usually begin to feel better. 

The problem for me is that life does get better - things get back to "normal" and I usually start drinking again thinking I have control. But then another poor decision happens because of alcohol and repeat. It's hard. I get the social pressure. Even if I tell people I'm not drinking it becomes "a thing." I hate this, but that is what AA does and counselling - it helps you figure out WHY you drink and why you feel uncomfortable not drinking. 

Best of luck my friend and IWNDWYT