Robert J. Rubel, Ph.D. (Dr. Bob), author, educator and photographer is an educational sociologist and researcher by training. He currently has eleven books in print and two DVDs (Books: five on Master/slave topics, two on advanced sex techniques, one on fire play, and three erotic art photo books. Additionally, he has produced two educa...tional DVDs: one on fire play and one on beginning impact play). Dr. Bob is the Series Editor of Power Exchange Books' Resource Series (the successor to Power Exchange Magazine). This is a series of books that are collections of highly focused essays that cover a wide range of special topics within the larger field of BDSM. Recipient of the 2008 Pantheon of Leather's Community Choice Award (man), Dr. Bob has been involved in the BDSM and total power exchange (TPE) scene since the summer of 2001, throwing himself into the literature of the field as though it were an academic study. He presents, judges, and sells his books at weekend kink conferences throughout the year. More
Relating to Books Personal Exploration and Discovery Bob's Personal Journey Jen's Personal Journey Thoughtful Stuff Writing Books
We wrote this book because many of our adult behaviors are largely invisible to us; they’re accepted and supported by our culture. It doesn’t occur to us to question our own (or our partner’s) basic assumptions about who we are and how we interact in the world.
This is really a book of the things I’ve had to learn in order to communicate effectively. In the process of learning all this, I came to understand how difficult it is to step aside from yourself and explore why you think as you do. However, the more you understand how you (and those with whom you're speaking) take in information, the easier the communication becomes. The book is meant as a guide to help people decipher what others are saying and also to readers realize why some of their messages are not being heard the way you intended them.
communication understanding Books
This book is a map to help others design their own personal protocols. It is a book that provides countless tips and techniques for Masters so they can clarify how they, themselves want to be served. The book gives details about how we (within our relationship) translagted those wishes into elegant service.
In our experience, a protocol manual is much more than documenting rules of service. Writing a protocol manual helps you examine and refine your relationship and your relationship management style. The very process of creating a manual such as this reveals the kinds of service Master really wantsfrom the slave and the kinds of service the slave can actually deliver.
In that light, writing a protocol manual is an exercise in clarifying the intent of your relationshiop.
Protocols Master/slave dining relationship Books
Personal Exploration and Discovery Relating to Books Bob's Personal Journey Thoughtful Stuff Writing Books
This is an advanced Master/slave book. It's for people with very strong core values who have been doing M/s for 5+ years (or been heavily involved in D/s for that long). This is for people who know a lot about a lot and are open to thinking about what they know in a different way. This is a "content-heavy" book. You'll want about five years of experience to be able to read it comfortably. Readers should thoroughly understand the difference between a D/s culture and an M/s culture.
This book presents many viewpoints on M/s relationships. I've been attending M/s conferences since 2003 and have taken good notes. Those notes, my 13 years living 24/7 M/s, and extensive discussions with hundreds of people who identify with Mastery and slavery have been combined to create this book. Jen and I explain how strong leaders can combine with strong supportive followers to make a magical relationship.
Unlike the fictional world of Masters and slaves, this book discusses the very real challenges and opportunities available to long-term M/s couples.
Master/slave advanced couples Books
Bob's Personal Journey Personal Exploration and Discovery Thoughtful Stuff
Sorry to be a bit disconnected here and on FetLife these past few days; we're in Santa Fe for my Father's (John H. Rubel) "Celebration of Life" service. He died earlier this month; he was nearly 95. He was a very accomplished and interesting person. He was
This party, for that's really what it was, was held in one of the largest homes I've ever been in. I would guess 10,000 sq feet or more. Lavish. Well staffed. Well catered. LOTS of people--perhaps 100. My younger brother (William) made the Family's speech at the memorial service that took place before the “heavy appetizers” when everyone mingled in the lower level. According to Jewish tradition, I should have done it, but Robin (Father's wife) didn't want me speaking. Probably a good thing: our relationship had not survived my decision to divorce Margo, my first wife, as we still had young children at home.
At any rate, I'm glad to have Master here with me. This house and the way the guests were served was a snapshot of a lifestyle you only see in movies.
Father Died hughes satelite
BDSM Mastery: Relationships – A guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and submissives
Relating to Books Personal Exploration and Discovery Thoughtful Stuff Writing Books
This is a book about relationships. Adventuresome relationships. Relationships that are not exactly like vanilla relationships (traditional relationships as practiced by the average couple you'd meet at a baseball game). BDSM relationships differ from vanilla relationships in two specific ways: First, they involve a power-imbalanced structure (one person is clearly in charge, the other person is clearly following); and second, the kind of sex that adventuresome folks practe is, well, not vanilla.
This book speaks to those who are starting out in BDSM, or are involved with someone in a BDSM-based relationship.
Reading this book will save each of you a lot of heartache, frustration, and anger.
communication relationship vanilla BDSM Books
Master/slave Mastery: Updated handbook of concepts, approaches, and practices
This is the first book in a series devoted to Master/slave mastery. It is intended to help people start their relationship thoughtfully. It discusses cautions about potential Masters and potential slaves.
Jen and I distinguish between D/s and M/s relationships. D/s is more about power exchange while M/s is more about authority transfer. D/s is more about where you fall on the scale of dominance and submission; M/s is about the roles you each play.
Because of these differences, Jen and I believe that D/s and M/s have different "rules of engagement." This book helps explain some of those "rules," as we've come to understand them.
This book is intended to provide important tips and tools for building a firm relationship.
communication Master/slave D/s M/s relationships
BDSM Mastery – Basics: your guide to play, parties, and scene protocols
Writing Books Thoughtful Stuff Relating to Books
This is not a book that explains what BDSM is, this is a book that explains what BDSM is all about. This is a book that enables someone with zero BDSM experience to walk confidently into thier first munch or club meetiong.
This is also a book for people who have been involved in the community for a while and are now interested in understanding how the puzzle pieces fit together.
Once you've finished this book, you'll have about as much BDSM knowledge as someone who hasbeen actively in the public scene for about five years.
BDSM Fifty Shades new to BDSM munch
Trip to See Father
Bob's Personal Journey Travel Notes Personal photos Photography Personal Exploration and Discovery
I decided that since Keagan (my 32-year-old son) is in the US from Shenzhen, China (just across the bay from Hong Kong) where he lives and works. He had to come back to renew keep his Visa current. As it happened, he could come through Santa Fe on his return leg, I linked up with him for a visit with Father.
My father, who began working out during the Kennedy Administration in 1962 and who holds all the age-group exercise records at his local gym in Santa Fe, was finally showing his age. He’d been totally the same all his life until last June when he fell for the first time (as a function of his age) He is 94.
We spoke shortly after his fall, and he said that actually, falling for an elderly person is associated with end-of-life malfunctions and he really believed that the end is in sight.
One of Father’s stories was that at CalTech (where he graduated suma cum laude in Electrical Engineering in 1944) he used to break into the library at night in order to read medical books and history books. He read all his life; he knew a lot. Actually, he is the only truly literate person I ever met. His stories would interlink information of any epoch across literature, science, mathematics, or history and interlink them all.
Keagan and I linked up at the Albuquerque airport around 9am and drove up to Santa Fe. Father is in a hospital having a small procedure done. When we got there, he was sitting in a chair reading the newspaper with a drip bottle hooked to his arm. He is pretty cheery, but clearly has degenerated substantially in the past six months. He’s now about 5’ high, down from 5’8,” and stooped over. Still cheery, though.
Around noon, Robin came to collect him after the procedure; we returned to their home where we nibbled a bit and visited. They did not want to go in town for dinner, so we took our leave and told them we’d see them in the morning.
Keagan and I had taken a motel room together in town, and decided, after a while, to go down to the group of Indian vendors on the town square, where he found the “perfect bracelet” that was, of course, just slightly out of his price range at $500. He offered $300 but was turned down. It’s October and cold and not “in season,” but there were a number of hardy souls selling jewelry.
We spent about two-hours the next morning with Father. By the end of our stay, he was ready to take a nap. At that point, about noon, Keagan and I headed back down to Albuquerque and the airport. I returned to Austin; he flew back to Shenzhen.
Father Keagan Albuquerque son China
Our California Vacation and Alvin’s Wedding
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We decided to add a week-long super-vacation to the front end of the trip to San Francisco to my cousin Alvin’s wedding on May 17.
We flew in to San Jose on Friday May 9, and my brother picked us up and we headed into Santa Cruz to his house. I thought we were going to stay with William, but he said the house was not set up for guests and that he had arranged that we stay a B&B run by a friend of his. He gave us the address and we plugged it into the GPS and headed over to drop off our luggage. William was going to pick Stella (daughter, age about 7) up from school.
We easily found the house, packed among other upscale homes located a few miles away. As we brought our bags in, we were very impressed not only by the size of the house, but also the elegant furnishings. William said there were about five rooms available and that it had a stellar reputation on TripAdvisor. I can imagine!
We spent the rest of that day and part of Saturday with William and Stella who, after mounting some butterflies and insects they had recently caught, helped William create a pizza dinner. William cooks bread in an outdoor bread-oven that he’s constructed. Actually, he’s an internationally known expert on breads and the author of the book: “The Magic of Fire: Hearth Cooking — 100 recipes for the fireplace or camp” and maintains a Facebook page called: “Bread History and Practice.” It’s an interesting site.
William loaned us his car and we headed south on Interstate 1, heading for Monterey and beyond: down to Big Sur, one of my favorite places in California.
We had reservations at Big Sur Campgrounds and Cabins (http://www.bigsurcamp.com/sites.html). I wanted to give Master a sense of camping combined with the comfort of being in a cabin. These are tent cabins, not log cabins. They have a little general store and they are right in the middle of the other little stores/shops in Big Sur. We stayed there three nights and spent our days on mini-excursions. The “excursions” were for photography… this was May in Northern California—everything is in bloom
We planned an excursion was to the Point Sur Lighthouse (http://www.bigsurcalifornia.org/pointsur.html). They run only one or two tours a day, depending on the day and the season, but not every day of the week. I had carefully planned our touring in order to be able to see this lighthouse.
I also had picked out a few restaurants that seemed interesting. These included Nepenthe, Deetjen's Big Sur Inn Restaurant, and Cafe Kevah. I will say, Deetjen’s is a very special place: if we ever are again in the area, I’d certainly want to go back. (We got lost trying to find it. When driving south on Highway 1, it’s tucked into the trees on the left side of the road as you’re making a sharp right. This highway is very curvy, and I was so focused ahead of me that we’d driven about 20 minutes looking for it before I phoned them to ask directions. It’s easy to see driving north on the highway because from that angle you can see the entire structure.)
When our Big Sur time was up we re-loaded the car and headed back up-coast. We returned the car to William so he could drive up to San Francisco for the wedding at his own pace, and Master and I rented a car and continued on, arriving at our appointed hotel around 4 on Thursday. Friday was to be a time for us to look at kink stores and visit with Angela (sister).
On Saturday, May 17 my cousin was married. In and of itself, perhaps not spectacular. In this case, though, my cousin is gay, 12 years my senior, and has helped me in many very important ways since I was in 11th grade. He “came out” in the living room of my father’s home when I was about 21. He was frequently in and out of my life since I was a small child and visited us fairly often when we lived in DC (when Father was at the Pentagon). We HAD to go to this event.
Alvin is marrying Robert, his long-time companion and lover. And, the wedding is to be held at the Golden Gate Club at the Presidio (http://www.presidio.gov/venues/golden-gate-club). This is serious high-end wedding stuff.
I suppose there were 200 family and friends there. There was a string quartet during the post-wedding socializing. The catering and decorating and logistics were magnificent.
Relatives and friends had flown in from all over the US to attend and to honor Alvin. My sister had come down from Portland, my brother had driven up from Santa Cruz. There were cousins here and there that I’d never even heard of. The accolades went on and on, every one of them fascinating and giving breadth to what I knew of Alvin’s life.
And, he’s had quite a life. He is the youngest son of my father’s mother’s brother, Alvin Sr. who was responsible for handling our Family’s financial affairs starting in about 1935. He and my father spoke regularly up until his death in 1960s. (Alvin Sr. was the founder of “Selected American Shares” one of the early mutual funds in the US. His office was about two blocks from the Chicago Stock Exchange.)
Alvin Jr. was a Harvard-educated attorney who went back to school in his mid-30s to get a city planning degree—also from Harvard. He worked with Diane Feinstein for many years as a city planner in San Francisco. Alvin had always been active in San Francisco’s gay community, and at age 50 he decided that he liked counseling other gay men so much that he returned to graduate school and took a Masters in Social Work from UC Berkley (just across the bay from San Francisco).
All of this is to say, the wedding was spectacular; an event I will always remember.
brother california gay vacation nature photography
International M/s Couple Handler
Leather Kinky Stuff Personal Exploration and Discovery
Master Joe and slave kim from Melbourne, Australia, competed for the International M/s couple this year up at Southplains Leather Fest. They had asked me to be their “handler.” The problem with this was that I had no idea what was expected or required for this position, nor wise enough to ask anyone. They’d had no competition coaching and I had no handling coaching. That’s not good.
Joe didn’t need us to come up on Thursday, as it was the General Meeting for MAsT International and he, as MAsT’s Australian regional rep and president of MAsT Melbourne, had lots to do. We drove up on Friday and met with them in the late afternoon to schedule a time that evening to listen to their speeches.
There was a LOT of controversy swirling around the Australian Faction at this conference. Back in Melbourne nearly a year before, the VP for MAsT Melbourne got mad at Joe and quit the MAsT chapter and tried to form her own. Actually, she fomented a lot of trouble with MAsT International trying to take the chapter away from Joe on the grounds that he wasn’t providing enough “support” to MAsT members.
To shorten this very long story, I’ll say that this person then held an “Australian Master/slave Competition” and chose their titleholders. Now, at SPLF, this other couple (well know to Joe and Kim and people I’d met repeatedly when I was there in 2011, were claiming that Joe and Kim were not the only authorized international competitors. THIS is what had to be hashed out in the Thursday MAsT GM.)
We did what we could, but they did not win. It may have been in part due to kim’s prepared two-minute speech. It referenced much of the challenges they’d been through over the past year and was not likely taken well by the judges. She had been deeply hurt by the betrayal and bigotry of the “other group” in Melbourne and this was not likely received well by the judges.
Ultimately, Master figured out that a great deal of the “stumble” was cultural. Joe had been “doing” BDSM for decades. He had been a very active ProDom — a concept practically unheard of in this country. Here, there is a tremendous demarcation between ProDommes and “lifestylers.” Also, there is a very fuzzy line between BDSMers and M/s-ers in Australia. Here, the M/s people see themselves in a different sub-culture from those in BDSM clubs. The judges couldn’t tell whether Joe was really a BDSMer calling himself M/s or an M/s person who did an awful lot of work with the BDSM community.
Master and I thought both Joe and kim handled themselves extremely well, and we parted with long hugs all ‘round.
Master/slave Master Joe MAsT competition Australia
Butchmann’s
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I’d heard so much about Butchmann’s over the years that I wanted to go through it with Jen. It was held in Phoenix (it started in Tucson), I knew most of the instructors (Master Curtis, Master Bert, SlaveMaster, Master Trish) and also many of the support staff (slave samantha, working in the kitchen, and my Leather brother, slave mikey, serving as a general helper).
However, this was new territory for Master, and I thought we would benefit (as a couple) from going through together. For those not familiar with The Butchmann’s Experience, it is just that, an experience. Founded by SlaveMaster and Master Steve Sampson, it is the home of the spiritual approach to M/s and the events are usually sold out months in advance.
Master/slave Butchmann's Conference flogging Phoenix
Bringing Kink to College Students
Presentation Experiences One-off Presentation (eg: club)
[If you’ve been reading these posts from the beginning, you’ll remember that Patrick Cupp is the son of my former Owner, Karen (Brenna). It is Patrick whose heart condition caused Karen to have to return from our Panama trip only six weeks after we arrived. Patrick had a full hart transplant two Christmas’s ago. He’s now taking classes at Austin Community College and he mentioned my background to his Human Sexuality instructor. She contacted me and asked me to come in and teach an “Intro to BDSM” class.]
Karen Raines, PhD asked me to come in and teach the intro BDSM class last Wednesday. We met for coffee before class just to fine-tune our mutual expectations. I was going to do two classes for her; one at the Metric Boulevard campus and one at the Northridge campus.
[Coincidentally, this campus is adjacent to the apartment complex where I lived with slave mindi upon our return from Panama until Jen and I moved in together in 2011. It is also across the street from the apartment where Mistress and Patrick established themselves right after his transplant and where I set up my daytime office in an apartment near them while spending nights and weekends with slave mindi across the street.]
The students were very attentive. I could see when I got near a topic someone didn’t like and I would then paddle away from it. Things like eStim seemed not to go over well.
All in all, though, Dr. Raines was pleased and asked that I come back next year.
Brenna Patrick Panama Mindi presenting
Phoenix APEX Intensive
Presentation Experiences Weekend Intensives
Master Curtis and slave wen had set up the weekend for an intensive. I spent the week before this intensive visiting my Father while Jen stayed home working. We timed our arrival at the airport in Phoenix to within minutes of each other on Friday and returned home together this past Tuesday, as they had a club that met on Monday nights that wanted us to stay and present.
We did a string of classes from Friday to Tuesday for APEX, the Arizona Power Exchange. Archer and Tess run this, and we were staying at their house. I’ve known Archer for years, and like one another quite a bit. I’d not met Tess before. She’s a real estate agent, I believe.
Here was our schedule:
7-9:30pm: Erotic Fire Play for (His) Fun and (Her) Pleasure
10–12: Understanding How Power Exchange Relationships can get into Trouble
2–5: An Interactive Afternoon Exploring Foreplay as a Scene & Playing Hard with a Lady
8-midnight: play party
11-1:00 Why are we Clashing Like This? Exploring Common Communication Upsets
2–4 Avoiding Marshes and Bogs in Relationships – an Exploration
7:30-9: Distinctions between “Leather” and “Not-Leather” for the MAsT meeting
7:15-9:30p: Using Protocols to Make your World Special
This was the best intensive we’ve ever put on. Partly, this is because I know a lot of people in the Phoenix crowd, and part is that Archer and Tess and Master Curtis and slave wen are particularly good at organizing the club members for events such as these.
I met Master Amy and slave mikey on Sunday at the MAsT meeting. This was one of the “stand-out” events of the weekend. He and I had a spark of soul-level recognition. I don’t know if anything will ever come of it, but to see him kneeling at Master Amy’s feet spoke volumes about who he is, who she is, and what their relationship must be. Really beautiful.
Upon speaking briefly with him after the class, I now realize that he is a dominant heterosexual slave. He is the first dominant slave I’ve ever met.
Phoenix APEX Intensive Fire play Master Archer
Photography Personal Exploration and Discovery Travel Notes Nature Photography
This was another blog-worthy trip. We’ve just returned from a very long and circuitous trip that had us going from Austin to Bosque del Apache in New Mexico, to White Sands, NM, to Carlsbad Caverns, to spend New Years Eve in Eve’s Garden in Marathon, TX, then back home.
For years, I’ve wanted to shoot the Sandhill Cranes at Bosque del Apache in New Mexico. We decided on a really grand tour that would start at the sanctuary (spending the night in Brownfield) for a late-afternoon / early evening shoot, go to Casa Blanca B&B for the night, and get up to be back photographing by 7am.
I was able to take many outstanding dusk shots of the cranes, augmented by the full moon that was in exactly the right place and right elevation to be captured with cranes flying under it. At one point, as we were changing positions, a fox trotted along a path parallel to the road. Quite spectacular.
In the morning, we arrived before the cranes had left their roost. It was very cold out: Jen remained in the car watching the scene unfold. I knew what was about to happen and hoped to be able to capture it. I set the focal distance, practiced panning, set the camera for 8 images per second, set up he remote plunger and waited.
I was looking through the lens at 400mm with the ISO set up to about 1,400 and the shutter set at 250th of a second.
I didn’t have long to wait.
Suddenly, one bird rose from the nesting flock and suddenly the entire flock lifted off. I caught it. I hit the plunger and started rolling and panning simultaneously.
I walked over to the driver’s side window once I had finished shooting. Jen was nearly speechless. OMG she kept saying. That was amazing. How did you know they’d all lift off at once? OMG! “When it was over, I looked at the woman in the car behind you (just to Jen’s left) and we both had our mouths open. That was one of the most spectacular events I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Yes,” I agreed. “It is.”
We ended our trip by spending New Years Eve in Eve’s Garden in Marathon, TX. This had taken a lot of pre-planning, but it was really worth it. Take a look at these:
New Mexico Photography Eve's Garden Sandhill Cranes
Vacation beginning Leather Reign – Orcas – DC (Raven and Joshua) – the death of Jen’s dad
Nature Photography Conferences Travel Notes Photography Presentation Experiences Personal Exploration and Discovery Personal photos
We decided to take a vacation. This is our first vacation, actually. We presented at Leather Reign in Seattle, spent a week on Orcas Island (about an hour north of Seattle, then an hour’s ride on a ferry boat. We came in to Seattle a day early so we could go down to Pike’s Place Market to do some photography. Here’s my version of an open fruit and vegetable stand.
Inside the Market, lower level, we found an arts/crafts store that had some very nice blown glass. One piece in particular caught our eyes. It was an a bright red apple, and the “stem” was a green snake. I asked the store clerk if I could set up my tripod and actually take my time with the shot. She said, “Yes,” and about half an hour later I had a few good images. This is among my favorite.
I really like Leather Reign (Master Duane and slave kelly). They put on a top conference that attracts some spectacular people. I enjoyed the time I had to sit down with Allena Gabosh and to catch-up with Alpha (Mac). Allena is the Executive Director of “The Center for Sex Positive Education,” also known as “The Wet Spot.” I’ve known her for a long time. Alpha, you may recall from earlier blogs, was the person who first got me started with kink photography back in 2002.
Far and away, the highlight of this period was our time on Orcas. We’d left the conference with enough time to drive up to Anacortes and catch the last ferry over to the island. I love this ride: super romantic, even though they reduced the sizes of the ferries a few years ago and these are more utilitarian and have fewer services. The ride takes about an hour and stops at Lopez and Shaw before docking at Orcas.
Orcas always has been special for me. Margo (my first wife) and I spent about two years working out the qualifications for the place we wanted to raise our children, and in those two years physically visited five cities. Orcas was the hands-down winner:
More than two hours from a major airport
Accessible to a city we would like
Has a “mountain” smell and feel
Has an exceptional school system (One standard deviation above the state average on the ACE exams in a state that was one standard deviation above the national averages on the ACE exam. When I was working for the National Institute of Justice studying crime in American schools, I had access to the National Bureau of Education Statistics and had my friend in that office run that analysis.)
Anyway, we landed at the doc, looking directly at the picturesque Orcas Hotel and turned left, heading almost to Eastsound but turning left one road past the turn into town. Margo had suggested this place: we wanted to be on the water. I wanted to be isolated. We got both. We were in a lovely cabin in the Beach Haven Resort without Internet or cell phone signal. No distractions! We could walk along the beach or take walks in the woods.
We drove in town to have dinner with Margo. I always have dinner with Margo when I come back to the island. I’d brought Karen here years ago; can’t even remember anymore.
The next day, when we went into Eastsound to look at the lovely stores, my Internet signal returned and I realized that I had missed a call from my brother (8 years my junior, he lives in Santa Cruz, CA). William reported that Robin thought that Father had suffered a stroke. He and Angela (my sister, 12 years younger than I) were flying out to Santa Fe.
Next, they arrived out there about the time that the lab and physician reports came in that they could find nothing wrong.
So Jen and I spent a lovely week hiking up to the lookout on top of Mt. Constitution in Moran State Park (the largest State Park in Washington) and photographing and reading.
We ate in lovely restaurants that brought back all kinds of personal memories (Margo and I moved here in 1987 and I left on New Years Eve of that year to join Renee in D.C.).
The Orcas Island part of the trip came to an end. We were very sorry to leave: this island remains my ideal home. We took the ferry back to Anacortes, over to Mt Vernon and then south on Interstate 5. We had a flight to catch. We flew directly from Seattle to DC to take a weekend intensive that Raven (Kaldera) and Joshua (Tenpenny) were putting on at Castle Griffin (Master Griffin and slave ann).
We were home on Monday, Thanksgiving was Thursday, and Jen’s dad died on Friday.
Air B&B Houston Hot Air Balloon “Glow” Festival
Personal Exploration and Discovery Photography Travel Notes Nature Photography
Jen wanted to see a hot-air balloon glow festival and found one in Houston. This wasn’t a race, it was an event. They were going to fire their propane flames after dark in order to give a visual experience. Sounded very interested.
We looked up hotel prices and were slowed down a bit. Then, Jen looked up rooms using Air B&B and discovered a place only a few miles from the field. We took it.
It’s a hefty drive from Austin to Houston (or Dallas). I’m not fond of 3-hour+ drives. At any rate, we weren’t in any hurry to get there and arrived at the event around 4p on Saturday. Nothing much was going on, but a few of the balloons were inflated and a number of crews were actively setting up for the evening’s experience. I started working out how to capture useful/interesting photo images. I suppose I worked at that for an hour or so before we decided to go get a bite of early dinner, as the main event wouldn’t start until after dusk.
We got back to the field in plenty of time, and I ran around with my camera/tripod while Jen found things she wanted to watch. Finally, when they were getting ready to do a coordinated “lighting,” they announced it over the PA system, along with an introduction to the festival and acknowledgements to a variety of helpers.
The lit balloons were really spectacular. There were a lot of them — perhaps 30-40. It was hard to get them all in the shot, but I managed to get a string of them. Also, with my 100-400mm zoom, I took a number of shots of the backlit colored patchwork that made each balloon distinguishable from others.
SMTech Videos
Writing Books Kinky Stuff Relating to Books Personal Exploration and Discovery
Well — another surprise turn in the publishing department. My good friend Bob decided to invest some money with my publisher in order to make three videos. Actually, it’s six videos, because each topic we recorded with a female bottom had to be totally reshot with a male bottom. Bob’s DVD was on basic rope bondage. I did two: Impact Play 101, Building your skills, and Fire Play: Your basic safety guide to fire. Ann Bryne paid to have two of her own recorded: one was on basic violet wand, the other on advanced violet wand.
Herbert (publisher) has an extensive background in live TV and video editing and rented three broadcast-quality cameras and a mixer. He sat in the booth and (essentially) created the final cut right there. Quite an amazing job, actually.
In addition to the DVD, itself, Herbert had a transcript made of the shoots and then Bob and I went over our own and edited them for flow. We also included all the safety materials we wanted. The books were 64 pages, full color. Really well done.
The result was a book/DVD combination that Herbert priced at $39.95.
Personal photos Nature Photography Travel Notes Photography Personal Exploration and Discovery
We decided to go out to see Father in Santa Fe. Jen had not yet met him. He lives about 20 miles west of the city in a compound for rich people. I suppose the adobe walls are ten feet high and four feet thick. It’s massive. It has a VERY upscale clubhouse and restaurant and bar. I can imagine that many people must get together there practically every night. Nothing else to do out there but go to the clubhouse, have friends over, or watch TV. It’s along way in to Santa Fe.
This is a shot of his living room.
He bought a lovely house there after he sold the big house on the ridge overlooking the entire valley. You could see Los Alamos at night: street and house lights. He actually moved to Santa Fe in order to take a literature Masters’ degree at St John’s College’s rigorous liberal arts program. Its main campus is in Annapolis, MD, but they have this campus in Santa Fe because of the nature of the population.
It’s the only school in the US (probably the only school in the world) whose curriculum requires you to read the entire set of “Great Books of the Western World.”
Anyway, we decided to drive up to Santa Fe to visit Father, who is 91. He’s in amazing shape. His mind is as sharp as ever and he spends most of his time reading or writing. Right now, he’s writing about old age.
The drive takes about 13 net hours. We spent the night near Clovis and arrived in the early afternoon. We’d found a reasonably-priced hotel and, after checking in, drove out to see them.
Father is now using the guest room as his bedroom, so they prefer that people not stay at the house. Also, he naps a lot now and there would be long stretches with nothing to do. Robin (his wife) prefers to schedule the visits. We spent the afternoon visiting and they took us in town for a lavish dinner. We had a lovely time; Robin was looking well.
We drove back out for breakfast at 10, spent a few hours chatting and left for Taos at the point that he wanted to lie down for a nap.
It’s a fairly quick drive up to Taos — about 90 minutes.
I’d found what I thought would be a really spectacular place to stay in Taos, the El Pueblo Lodge Room 140. I turned out to be right.
There was a light snow falling when we arrived; very romantic. We checked in and went to the room: it was lavish. It has a HUGE bedroom/living room with very nice fireplace and ample wood. SUPER romantic.
We had ample daylight, so we walked around town looking at the interesting shops. There is one in particular that is my favorite. They have handmade knives and (most important) outdoor bells made from cut-off diving tanks. Really interesting and very sonorous. It took all our will not to buy it — but it was in the $500 range and we weren’t spending that kind of money.
I’d made reservations for the Taos Inn months ago. They have an upscale restaurant that was well reviewed, and we were not disappointed. They have excellent food preparation, tables well spaced, and the dining room gave off an air of elegance. We had a lovely time and then returned to our motel room where we lit the fire, put on some music (through my computer) and had a fantastic, romantic evening.
We spent the next two days wandering around the city and the Indian reservations’ public areas, taking pictures.
I find I'm drawn to shoot interesting doors...
Father Santa Fe Taos
Nature Photography Weekend Intensives Travel Notes Photography Presentation Experiences Personal Exploration and Discovery
I met Master Joe and slave kim at Southplains Leather Fest last February. They had sat through my class on “Understanding how some M/s Relationships get into trouble” and later approached me in the foyer. He introduced himself and asked whether I might be interested in coming down to Melbourne, Australia, to do a series of presentations this coming September.
Well, I didn’t know this person, so I said that it might be possible and took down his contact information. After the conference, I wrote to slave Caroline and asked her about him. As it happens, she entered BDSM in Melbourne through Master Joe’s BDSM club, Chains. She knew him very well and said that if he had invited me over, he’d take good care of me.
As the discussions continued, it turned out that although they rented a home, there was a second small house in back of their main house. I would be staying there. Also, Herbert was able to arrange printing in Australia through all our books on Barnes and Noble. Although Amazon doesn’t have a print facility there, B&N does. I ordered literally hundreds of books, selecting titles beyond my own that I thought would sell. We set the date and I found myself in their delightful presence for 21 days.
Unlike in the US, Ausies are used to paying about $35 per seat per class. We averaged 20 people per class and I did about 8 classes. This was the weekend of Oz Kinkfest, so we had people in the right frame of mind to come to classes. Also, this was a crowd that bought books, so—overall—the trip was a great success.
We took a side jaunt up to Sydney in order to do another presentation and I met Peter Masters there. He’s a professor at University of Sydney and runs the best BDSM Wiki on the Internet.
Joe (sometimes with Kim, other times alone) took me to many interesting places. In Melbourne, itself, we went down to the heart of the city to see Gog and Magog who occupy a special place in Melbourne’s Royal Arcade—a very upscale mall in the heart of town.
These words are written beside the figures: “These two 7-foot giants have been striking the time on Gaunt’s clock since 1892. They were carved from clear pine and modeled on the figures erected in Guildhall, London, in 17089 to symbolize the conflict between the ancient Britons and the Trojan invaders. According to the mythology, the giants Gog and Magog were captured bin battle by the Trojans and made to serve as porters in the gateway of an ancient palace on the site later occupied by the Guildhall.”
Joe had brought me here not only to show me Gog and Magog, but also to have coffee and some pieces of chocolate at the most famous coffee house in Australia. It is called Chokolait, and their mission is to make finest genuine Belgian chocolates, hand crafted cakes, and desserts in Melbourne. Here is a shot of the cappuccinos we ordered. Here’s their website: http://www.chokolait.com.au/
As you can imagine, the Royal Arcade is a primo tourist attraction in Melbourne. Because it’s such a draw, there are a number of street-vendors and buskers around. The musicians included a number who were playing hopped-up diggerydoo’s with pick-up microphones at the business end. For some reason, I didn’t take any pictures of them. The man playing this diggerydoo was down at the docks in Sydney.
I realize this post is getting really long, but the trip was extremely interesting and I took a lot of pictures.
One of our trips was to a city named Ballarat and to Sovereign Hill – a major cultural tourist destination. Ballarat was transformed into a major settlement when gold was discovered. At a small store in Sovereign Hill I met a man standing behind a metal-spinning lathe making different size bells.
Master Joe tested the sound of the bells and determined that this one specific bell had the “right” sound. When Master Joe had his attention elsewhere I purchased two of the bells he “approved” and on my last night with him gifted him one of the bells and invited him to be in my Leather Family. Here’s a shot of the matching bell.
All-in-all a memorable trip and I’m indebted to Master Joe and slave kim for their warm and loving hospitality.
Master Joe Australia slave kim Southplains Ballarat
Personal Exploration and Discovery Presentation Experiences Travel Notes One-off Presentation (eg: club)
We are just back from New Orleans! We’d been invited in for the weekend to present for NOBLE (New Orleans Bondage & Leather Enthusiasts). Master Wolf invited us. As the “Master Wolf” that I know lives in Phoenix, I was at a disadvantage. At any rate, I had only been there twice before, and it sounded fun. Also, this was over Jen’s birthday weekend so we were excited for the adventure!
More than the club and the presentation, Wolf was something else. What a fascinating man. He’s a regional manager for a group of strip clubs that are headquartered in St. Louis. He is a super sophisticated communicator and manager and his slave is perfectly trained. His house is a fantasy with a terrific dungeon! Wolf is all smiles all the time: a very “up” personality.
We had the opportunity to witness the state of the city following Hurricane Katrina in 2005. It was a sobering experience to see buildings that were still awaiting removal and to see the rescuers coded writing on them. There have been some rebuilding in the housing developments close to the floodwall but a lot of house slabs are still missing houses.
Before leaving Austin, I had researched hat stores. I’ve been trying to find a nice Fedora for about a year, and I’d found a possibility in a well-established store in the French Quarter. Wolf took us down and we went into the store. Among other surprising things, each salesman wore a distinctive name tag that included the number of years they’d worked there. This is a third-generation haberdashery and the sons, grandsons, and great-grandsons work there.
I’ve found my Fedora.
Louisiana New Orleans Fedora Master Wolf
Presenting in Los Angeles
I’m writing this on the plane back from LA. Mistress Lisa arranged a 10-day “tour” for me. It included presentations at The Lair, Thresholds, and her own LADs—Los Angeles Dommes and subs. It was a little nutty staying in their house: I was on the living room couch. Anthony is her husband; Jeannie is a permanent part of their Family. I really liked Anthony, but wasn’t sure how much he liked being cast in the male submissive role. He seemed to roll with the punches, though. Jeannie as very devoted to the Family and fits in well.
Lisa, fun and funny as ever, is one of my favorite people.
Knowing how much I like Master Skip and slave Rick, she invited them over for a semi-formal dinner. Was really lovely and Mistress Lisa knows how to throw an elegant affair.
Mistress Lisa Los Angeles Master Skip
Jen’s mom dies unexpectedly
Personal Exploration and Discovery Jen's Personal Journey
We were out dancing at Graham’s Central Station. It was March 23. We’d left our phones in our cars, as you can’t hear them inside the dance hall anyway. We were in separate cars. When we were ready to leave I got into my truck and I checked my phone. LOTS of messages from Carl, Karen, and Mindi. I called mindi and was told that Jen’s mother had died. I tried to call Jen, but she was also on the phone.
We were driving. We turned right out of the parking lot and left at Grand Avenue Parkway. Normally, we go up to I-35 and turn left. Suddenly, I see Jen move to the right lane and turn RIGHT onto the northbound lane of the freeway. I did my best to keep up with her: She’s in a Mercedes and I’m in a truck. I couldn’t do it.
I decided to drive back to the apartment and wait. After about 30 minutes, she texted that she was in the I-Hop closest to our apartment. I jumped back into the car and drove over. She was in the first booth, completely stunned. Jen’s mother had turned 63 years old at the end of November (I turned 63 at the beginning of November) and had just retired on December 31st. She was looking forward to her retirement and wasn’t ill so the death was a complete surprise to Jen and her family. We stayed at I-Hop for about two and a half hours. We had to explain to the waitress what was going on; she was alarmed at Jen’s position and how long she’d stayed that way.
Around 11 we drove home.
Jen is home now from the funeral and has brought a plant of her mothers back as a remembrance. She has charged me with the task to keep the plant alive and thriving. I am familiar with this plant and am happy to do this for her.
Died Mindi Dancing
Presentation Experiences Conferences
What a fun event! When I arrived in Edmonton, it was 25-degrees below zero. Very low humidity, so any wind gives a stinging sensation. To my total surprise, when we got out of the car in the hotel’s parking lot, the garage was about 70-degrees! I asked about that and learned that they have to keep the garages heated or they’ll have too much trouble with cars being too cold to start. Wow!
I’ve wanted to present here for some time; it’s Western Canada’s largest BDSM conference. I was something of a special guest, I suppose. They certainly took good care of me and I felt right at home.
Scott Smith was there (I’d worked with him back in 2006 when we made a string of DVDs, one of which featured Scott doing suspension bondage) as well as 4-5 other presenters I knew fairly well. I had a booth in vending and sold a great number of books. In the case of this conference, they’d paid airfare.
I met a couple up there and spent a fair amount of time with them. Their names are Nikita and Ursula. My immediate “take” was that Nikita knows a lot about a lot and we jabbered away for a long time. I hope we’re able to see them again; I seldom meet people with whom I’m so comfortable.
One of the highlights of THIS trip — and why I’m mentioning it in this post — is that when I went up to my hotel room that night to watch TV, I discovered “curling.”
I had only a distant recollection of my father mentioning seeing curling when he was touring Thule AFB in Greenland. They had a curling court set up on base. I remember him saying that it involved sliding a large stone down a marked pathway on ice. As I watched, I became captivated and ended up watching curling matches until about 2am. As it happened, there was a curling competition going on in Edmonton over this same weekend!
It’s funny that I watch curling in my room at night when such fun things were going on in the dungeon. Nikita and Ursula asked how I spent my evening and I raved and raved about watching curling.
Lupercalia curling Nikita Ursula
Houston Fetish Flea
I don’t want to write blogs only about all the conferences we attend, however, this one was particularly fun because of our “Playing Hard with a Lady” presentation.
Some background.
I’ve known the event producer for a number of years. I’ve presented at Providence Fetish Flea twice. Although she owns the Fetish Flea productions, she lets Sir Percy handle that one.
Anyway, when we arrived in Houston and were speaking with her about the presentation, she said that here could be no nudity, per the hotel rules.
“No nudity?” I asked
“But this is a class that teaches how to play with a pussy. How do we do this without nudity? Jen doesn’t even own any underwear!”
Well, Jen thought about it for a while and then took the car out and bought some men’s boxer shorts. We then cut the seam open so she was reasonably visible. Rather than have the participants sit, we had them crowd around her and placed a watch-guard at the door. It was a lot of fun when she squirted and the crowd took a unified step back to avoid the splash. Towards the middle of the presentation we just took the men’s boxers all the way off. She squirted and squirted and squirted. Audience loved it.
What an experience!
Houston Fetish Flea Pussy Playing hard
GLLA – Jen finds her home in Leather
Conferences Jen's Personal Journey Presentation Experiences Personal Exploration and Discovery
I’d presented here in 2008 and had a blast and was very much looking forward to being there again. Very warm and welcoming group: lots of friends that I’ve been seeing on the lecture circuit for the last three years.
We presented a class on protocols (one that conferences often ask for) and one on “Structuring the Structured Relationship.” The classes were well attended and Jen was a big hit.
We didn’t get a table in vending, but we were in the hallway in the lounge area, so the exposure was great. We pretty well covered our costs, so long as I pretend the books were at zero cost. (My publisher charges me as though I were a bookstore: 50% off cover price.)
This was Jen’s first conference and first real look into my world. Sure, she was aware of my previous books and my relationship with my Mistress and slave, but this was her first step into the bigger world. She walked away from GLLA realizing that she belonged in the world of Leather and began her journey down that path. She has referred to this experience as a “coming home” sensation and that she can now behave with her high moral standards and be accepted and welcomed.
We’d love to come back. Great vibes and Sir G takes great care of me.
Protocols GLLA Leather
Personal Exploration and Discovery Bob's Personal Journey Jen's Personal Journey
I had been Owned by Karen since 2002. She had permitted me to take mindi as my sex slave in 2003. We were a threesome (not sexually) up to and including our move to Boquete, Panama in January 2009. When Karen had to return to the US upon her son’s near-fatal heart condition, mindi and I remained in Panama until December 19, 2009. I’m sure the three of us all have different “takes” on what happened, but our structure fell apart. In February, I began a relationship with the woman who is now my Master.
I met Jen. Actually, we’d known one another slightly when we both lived in Lago Vista. Not only was she my dentist’s dental assistant, but she and her husband were in the Lago Vista country western dance club that Renee (second wife) and I were in. However, we’d never been social friends.
Magically, she reappeared in my life.
Panama Mindi Karen Owned
The Power Exchange Book Series
Personal Exploration and Discovery Relating to Books Bob's Personal Journey Writing Books
Cover images for the five-book series.
Power Exchange Magazine failed for a couple of reasons. First, very few people subscribed; second, it was exhausting work keeping people on deadline and getting images to go along with some of the articles. I just couldn’t keep it up.
So we (and I really can’t remember how Herbert fit in with all this) decided to change from magazine format to “collected essays” on a focused topic. We selected the series name: Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series and I began contacting people who had signed up at conferences saying they would like to write for me.
The idea was to have a collection of 9-10 authors submitting 3,500-word essays on a single topic of interest to BDSM or Leather folk to create a book of about 100 pages. The series is about the “why” of what we do, not the “how.” Book titles include:
Playing with Disabilities
The Art of Slavery
Protocols: A Variety of Views
Rope, Bondage, and Power
A word about Rope, Bondage, and Power. Lee Harrington volunteered to be the issue coordinator for this and his “call for writers” among the highest reaches of the rope world was met with resounding success. Rather than 9-10 authors, Lee produced 19 qualified authors. The only notable exceptions were Midori, Jay Wiseman, Lochi, and Leon from Chicago. This book became reasonably popular among rope enthusiasts.
Power Exchange Lee Harrington Jay Wiseman Resource Series Protocol
Nature Photography in Panama
Personal Exploration and Discovery Photography Bob's Personal Journey Travel Notes Nature Photography
Our time in Panama was a photographic treat. The country was lush, we were living in the middle of a growth of coffee trees, there was an animal rescue center in town that was about the size of a small zoo. They had everything there from large cats to parrots to monkeys. We went there a number of times and one of my finest photographs was taken there. The picture is a beautifully curved orange lily leaf and it probably took me 45 minutes to figure out how in the world to photograph it correctly.
Photography is my art-form: when I decide to photograph an object it generally takes me from 20 to 40 minutes to work out the correct distance, angle, light, and lens. I also have to check depth of field every time I change lenses. As I mentioned above, photography lets me see things differently. But, it takes a while.
slave mindi and I could not take very many side trips, because of the nature of her job. She is what is called a “utilization review” nurse and needs a notebook computer that drives two different video screens because she is concurrently working in two databases. This means that if we want to take a trip that involves more than a weekend, we need to take the entire set-up with us — and then she has to work during normal working hours. It's hard to take side trips under those conditions. We only made a few excursions, but those we took were extraordinary.
With Moty Hen as our guide, we made two weekend trips: a tour of a one-man sugarcane processing facility, and the tour of a very small cigar manufacturing company.
While the cigar manufacturing company had only six people rolling cigars from the tobacco leaves, you could see in one building the entire process from the arrival of newly dried tobacco leaves, through the drying and storage of those leaves, to cutting them up and distributing them to the people who are rolling the cigars, to the presses that compacted the leaves that resulted in the final product. You also saw the process of putting each cigar into cellophane and depositing them in cigar boxes. From there the boxes ended up in a substantial room that was carefully controlled for humidity.
Before leaving this section, I’d like to put a plug in for Moty Hen. He is a really amazing/interesting man. He’s Israeli, but he came to Panama in 1984. Over his years traveling around Panama, he’s become something of a private guide. It’s not his primary line of work, but he’s amazing at it. If you can explain the kinds of experiences you’d like, he’ll arrange it. Deep-sea fishing? Visiting an indigenous tribe? Bird watching? He and his wife (Rita) were working on creating a bed-and-breakfast at the end of our time, there. Here’s a link to it. Should you ever find yourself in Panama, you’ll do well to contact him and let him be your guide. Oh—he caters to Israeli’s. He’s undoubtedly the only Hebrew-speaking Panamanian tour guide in the world.
Panama Mindi Moty Tour guide
Returning to U.S. to take NLP Practitioner Course in San Diego
Bob's Personal Journey Personal Exploration and Discovery
I’ve been interested in Nero Linguistic Programming (NLP) for many years. I've been wanting to take the basic practitioner class but was very concerned about the cost because you would have to go to some city and stay for six days in a hotel. Of course you also have the $2000 course fee on top of that. So I spent a lot of time on the Internet searching for what it would appear to be competent NLP instructors. I finally found one that seemed to be appreciated and seem to be doing a good job so I signed up.
I arrived on a Saturday, hailed a taxi, and was deposited at the hotel where the training took place. After checking in I rang Kevin Cole, the instructor, to let them know that I was there. He said great there was going to be a get together from about 6 to 10: he would see me there.
I don't want to use this entry to take up a lot of time about the nine-day course, but I will summarize this way. I learned a fair amount, enough to know that the way my brain works in my difficulty memorizing is going to make it very difficult for me to actually practice NLP as a counselor. I also realized that Kevin Cole himself was quite new at leading these workshops. Actually he had only done 11 up to this point. I thought he did only an adequate job. He had no training in related communications fields, and was anything but an inspirational speaker. This all came together on the second weekend when he invited a guest instructor to help him with one of the final processes.
The woman whom he brought in (and whom I cannot name here because of her professional life) was at the opposite end of the spectrum. She was a high-energy physical fitness coach who had about a decade of advanced communications experience from a raft of well-known coaches such as Tony Robbins. She was, in fact, a graduate of Tony's advanced course.
So I left feeling that I had missed out on what could've been a remarkable experience. I ended up with a salad instead of a steak.
Yes you have the testimonial, but that was not optional.
I will continue my NLP studies and perhaps over time will learn to use meta-models and hypnotic speech patterns in my daily life.
Although I don’t have any photographs of this trip, I’ve included the link to the testimonial that all the graduates were “encouraged” to provide… one after the other on the last day of the 9-day training.
NLP San Diego Training Courses
Restaurante Amigos and our trip to Costa Rica
Personal Exploration and Discovery Travel Notes
Boquete has a bar for the ex-pats that was as close to “Cheers” as you could ever come. A number of the ex-pats would gather around four in the afternoon and eat and drink well into the night. I knew one man who often used the place as his office.
I mention Amigos because I had taken slave mindi there on Mother’s Day (May 10). As we eating our meal, I couldn’t help but notice a Scandinavian-looking woman who was clearly signaling from her poise (and from the particular table that she had picked) that she desperately wanted to be picked up. We invited her to our table.
She explained that this was her last night in Boquete; she was going home the next day. “Home” was a few hours north of the Panama / Costa Rica border on the Atlantic.
I asked about where she lived and she told us that she lived in such a remote and inaccessible community that it requires a 4-wheel-drive vehicle to reach it and you can’t even make the drive if there have been heavy rains. She lived in some kind of nature retreat. She said she was taking the bus down to David to transfer to the bus that would take her to the border. In all, about a 7-hour process.
I wondered whether we might have an opportunity, here.
I had wanted very badly to do some touring and photography in Costa Rica but we couldn't figure out how to get across that border. On the Pacific side of Panama you can get into Costa Rica on the Pan-American highway simply by driving 35 miles north of David. However, on the Atlantic side, there was no road across a substantial river. There was only a railroad bridge built by the Germans in World War II. I suppose I could write two or three pages about our experience getting to and then crossing the border, but I will tell you this: you would certainly not want to do this without somebody who’d done this many times and who spoke fluent Spanish. It was fairly harrowing.
She accompanied us to the town of our destination — which was where some friends of hers would come the next day to take her home.
She selected a (rather cheap/sleazy) motel for us and we went in town for drinks and dinner.
mindi totally didn’t think about the “don’t drink the water” rule and had ice with her drink. She didn’t have a reaction while on this trip. We spent three days in this little village, mostly just walking around.
At the end of our stay, we took a bus back down to the border. There, as we were going through the customs process, we were forced to purchase a “return ticket” from Panama to Costa Rica (“rules” and all that”). You can’t enter Panama without proof that you’ll leave.
By the time we returned to Boquete, she was starting to feel ill. Within a few days, she was seriously ill. The story of our hospital experiences with this would fill pages.
For those of you who don’t know us, Mindi is an RN in real life.
Panama Mindi Boquete sick Costa Rica
Our Stay in Boquete comes to an End
Personal Exploration and Discovery Bob's Personal Journey Travel Notes
In late February, about six weeks after we arrived in Boquete, Karen’s son collapsed at work. He was 19. At the hospital, they found his heart was only pumping 10% of normal. He was rushed to Dallas so his father could care for him. It was not at all clear he would survive: he had evidently caught a virus that had caused his heart to enlarge. In fact, his best friend in Marble Falls, TX had died the previous year of the same cause.
Karen returned to the US. Mindi and I remained. Mistress said she could only focus on her son, now, and she would let me know when we could return. In October, she said we could return with our pre-scheduled departure date of December 19. Patrick’s heart was being “assisted” by a battery-driven power pack that he wore around his waist. If the batteries were to lose their charge and he was away from the charging unit, he would die within three minutes. He was on the heart-transplant list for Texas, but he was very young and had a very slim body. The wait would last nearly two years before he had a heart transplant.
Mindi Boquete Mistress
Our Spectacular Frog Holiday
We took one spectacular four-day holiday. I had told our main guide, Moty (who is actually an Israeli who had lived in Panama for 25 years and spoke very good English), that I really wanted to photograph poison dart frogs. He arranged a trip for us to go by bus from one side of Panama to the other side across the Continental divide. It was about a three-hour bus ride. Of course you had to then add the hour that it took to get from Boquete (up in the mountains) to David (down by the sea).
Once we arrived at Bocas del Toro, Moty left us alone to settle into our rooms. When we next saw him he said he'd found a guide for us. He said that he found a guide who specialized in taking photographers around the islands to photograph poison dart frogs. I was delighted. Moty had the clever idea of incentivizing the guide by offering him five dollars bonus per species for the two days he had with us.
As a result of this, I was able to photograph something like 23 differently colored poison dart frogs. It was perfectly amazing. Sometimes when would we get to the island our new guide would run off and find a local person to help guide us just to speed things up. The locals knew which color frog was where. You might start down one path and find blue frogs and go down a little further and find yellow and black frogs. Truly an experience of a lifetime.
Panama Frogs Moty Cigar Guide
Setting off four our New Life in Boquete, Panama
Mistress had wanted to limit us to three bags each.
But we were not sure when we’d be back. Packing the bags was very stressful, as I wanted enough of our formal dinner clothing to feel “at home.” Now: that’s a fundamental schism between Mistress and me: she wanted to “go native” and I wanted to live as I lived, just in a different place. Thus, our ideas of what to pack differed.
Without going into gruesome details, here’s a picture showing how heavily we were traveling. Had I to do it over again, I wouldn't do this. Mistress was right. Just take three suitcases, not three duffle bags.
We flew out of San Antonio directly to Panama City. Fortunately, an ex-pat person in Boquete was guiding us through this process. I assure you, without that help it will be very hard figure out how to get from the International Airport in Panama City across town to the national airport, have the bags taken by van up to Boquete, be met in the city of David, receive the car we had pre-purchased from another ex-pat from Boquete who did this as a full-time job, and follow him the hour trip from sea level to Boquete—at 3,900 feet.
This image was taken in the middle of this little community. It gives you a sense of the place.
We stayed in a motel for a few weeks while our ex-pats’ contacts found a place for us. It was stunning. Here a couple of shots of the two-bedroom bungalo where we stayed for the year.
The town was lovely. It is the center for high-altitude coffee plantations for Panama. It was settled in the early 1900s by some Swiss couples. In the 1980s a wealthy American developer began what is today a five-star resort and spa called the Valle Escondido Resort and Spa. You can look it up on the Internet. It’s actually a mostly-American community that exists separate and apart from Boquete. Guarded gates, secure walls.
I mention Valle Escondido because it was the catalyst for what became the explosive growth and development of Boquete. Now, it’s rather like living in Vail, Colorado. It’s inexpensive to live there and you can dine at marvelous restaurants or at local dives and cafeterias. In fact, you can get far more food than you can eat for about $6 in these cafeterias; there are three of them in Boquete. Here, slave mindi are at our favorite restaurant.
They also had a good number of festivals in Boquete: here is a selection of images:
Lower left: Mistress (Karen) and slave mindi.
Panama Mistress ex-pat coffee
How we Decided to Move to Boquete, Panama
This is the view of Boquete from the Visitor's Center at the top of the hill just before you drop down into this valley. Boquete is at an elevation of about 3,800'. The bungalo we rented for the year was about a thousand feet higher. The 5,000' elevation point was about two miles up the road past our lovely home.
Summary post: It happened on a Sunday evening. We were all in the living room of our spacious 4-bedroom apartment leading an undisturbed life of high protocol M/s and traveling the country making presentations. As it was February, we had a fire going in the fireplace. We had finished a lovely full-formal dress dinner and were in the living room. Out of the blue, Mistress made a declarative statement: “I’ve decided to move abroad and teach English, preferably in an orphanage.” Looking directly at me she asked: “Are you coming with me?”
“Well, yes, Mistress. Of course, Mistress. Where are we going?” I said, realizing that I was at my absolute peak of my conference presentations around the country; I was in high demand. I’d already been out to three that year and had something like nine to go.
“You will help decide that. You have two months to prepare a briefing book for me. You are limited to five choices. I want pros and cons for each. Remember, I like to boss around little oriental men,” she said.
“Yes, Mistress. And when will we be leaving and returning?” I asked.
“We will let slave mindi have the Christmas Holidays with her family and then leave. I want to be out of the US by the third week of January. I have no plans at this point to return.”
Wow. As in we have a two-car garage packed with “stuff” and a storage facility out in Liberty Hill and a 1,700 square foot apartment.
At the end of the two months, I’d prepared a briefing book. It said: South Korea—best ESL salaries, very risky because of North Korea. Would have to teach away from Seoul for best salaries. Mainland China: our kink would not be tolerated, too risky. Taipai—very sophisticated and upscale, but we’ll still have troubles with our kink. Tailand—very possible. It would be a lot of fun and a great home base for photography all around that part of the world. VERY hot and humid. Boquete, Panama—recommended by a close friend who had lived there many years and was a former special forces guy. Said that knowing us, we’d integrate better there and it has a solid ex-pat community.
Extensive research into Boquete gave us a favorable impression. There seemed to be ex-pats who would help smooth the way.
Mid-summer, we took a one-week trip down there, accompanied by Jac (owner of The Jungle, already mentioned). He knows a lot about a lot.
We loved it; he hated it. We said we thought we’d do it; he said that the savings from living there would be eaten up in round-trip airfares returning to the US.
I worked out a time-and-task chart and got to work. I purchased all the tickets, found out how to rent a 10.5’ x 40’ cargo container, and Paul let us install it on his property far out in the country southeast of San Antonio. It was in place by early December.
In early December we had Rose and Blake (our favorite movers ever) transfer everything.
Mindi Boquete Mistress Abroad
Herbert and book covers
Personal Exploration and Discovery Relating to Books
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Pantheon Of Leather’s Community Choice Award (Man)
Leather Bob's Personal Journey Personal Exploration and Discovery
I’ve always operated on the fringes of the Leather community. I identify as “Leather,” but don’t behave the way the Leather community behaves. They are very active with Leather-related fundraisers and volunteer work; they dress Leather at conferences and have a good support network. Mostly, they’re gay, of either gender, but that doesn’t really affect their heart/spirit. I tend to do my own thing: I write books and have a magical home life with my Owner and slave.
Rather out of the blue, David Rhodes wrote to ask if I were going to be at the upcoming Pantheon of Leather conference in Chicago. “Well, I hadn’t thought about it.” I replied. “I think you may want to be here,” he said. In the end, he suggested strongly that if at all possible, I should attend. He wouldn’t really say why, but I got the idea.
Pantheon is David’s own personal conference and it is attended by a core group of serious Leatherfolk.
David produces The Leather Journal, a newspaper listing notable events in the Leather world (now replaced by Leatherati.com) and the winners of titles at gay bars across the US. He and his camera are fixtures at any M/s or gay leather conference. We’d been “chatting” for a number of years. By this point, I suppose I’ve been to 20+ conferences. As he generally attended both Beyond Vanilla and Southplains Leather Fest, I would have been seeing him twice a year since about 2003 or 4.
At any rate, I showed up and found most of the heavy-weight presenters from the Leather scene. They were “insiders,” I was an outsider. As it happens, I had been nominated and chosen as “Community Choice—man” for 2008. Completely unexpected, I guess I was getting known for the books.
Leather Pantheon of Leather Pantheon recognition
Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 – The Advanced Course and Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 – Living in Harmony
Relating to Books Writing Books
I am now conducting presentations and demos at national conferences about once every three weeks: about 12 a year.
Early in November, 2007, Duane and Kelly (Leather Reign) contacted me about presenting at their 2008 conference in Seattle. It would be in February, could I come?
Could I do a new presentation? (Remember, I only did two up to this point: Protocols and Establishing an M/s relationship).
“Sure. I have a number of working titles, which would you like?” I read them to her.
“Nurturing a strong M/s relationship,” she replied.
We hung up.
I started thinking: It’s early November. I have until February to work this outline. Hmmm. Long outline, better start.
I wrote solidly for six weeks. By the end of December, I had something like 65,000 words. Not good. Herbert likes books in the 45,000 – 52,000 word range. I discussed it with him.
“Break it into two books,” he said.
By the end of January, we sent two books to CreateSpace:
Master/slave Relations: Communications 401 — The Advanced Course. Las Vegas: Nazca Plains.
Master/slave Relations: Solutions 402 — Living in Harmony. Las Vegas: Nazca Plains.
Master/slave Books Writing
Power Exchange Magazine
At the very beginning of 2007, Herbert, who was always pushing for new projects, got me to agree to be the managing editor of “Power Exchange Magazine.” Over the course of the next ten months, we produced nine issues before I called it quits from exhaustion. Here’s the list of issue themes:
Master/slave Relations — male Master
Master/slave Relations — female Master
Bootblacking
FemDomme
Daddy/boy
Leather Spirituality
Pup/Trainer
As the magazine was failing to catch on, I made a marketing decision to transform Power Exchange Magazine and into a small book format. This series, Power Exchange Books’ Resource Series, are 100-page books on focused topics of interest to BDSM or Leather folk. The series is about the “why” of what we do, not the “how.” Book titles include:
Books Power Exchange Magazine Editor Publications
Squirms, Screams and Squirts: Going from Great Sex to Extraordinary Sex
Once I realized that M/s Relations and Protocols were really autobiographies about the way mindi and I were in the world, I also realized we’d left the sexual part out. However, the kind of sex we did was a little different from Vanilla sex. Because of this I decided to tackle the idea of writing a book about “advanced” sex techniques. I decided it should feature dildos, vibrators, fingering, licking, and erotic shaving.
It took me over a year to pull the material together and to take the photos that I’d use as illustrations. As it was nearing completion, Herbert asked about the title. I have no idea what I said, but he essentially vetoed that title and suggested: “Squirms, Screams, and Squirts.” For a gay man, I thought that was extraordinary. At any rate, after I added the tag line, “Handbook for going from great sex to extraordinary sex,” we released it.
I can’t remember quite why, but I gave a copy to Stacey Bean. She’s sort-of been on the fringes of my world for some time. She’s really an Internet sub and had a lot of trouble integrating into the Austin scene. At any rate, she was “chat pals” with Hugh Heffner’s partner/girlfriend/main-squeeze and Stacey posted something about the book.
The next thing I know, Herbert is calling asking what I did.
“About what?” I asked.
“What did you do to get triple-s (as we called it) to sell? Have you seen your Amazon numbers?”
“Nope, haven’t seen them and I haven’t done anything.” I replied
It turned out that Playboy Online picked up the book and recommended it as the #1 gift book for Valentine’s Day 2008.
Once Playboy put the book up just before Valentine’s day in 2008, Penthouse Forum contacted me about running a free promotional. Here that is…
Sales took off.
NOTE: That book ended up selling over 12,000 Amazon copies and remained in the 2,000-14,000 sales ran for about three years. Pretty amazing.
Mindi sex Sex techniques Playboy Gifts
Woodturning - Collector and Turner
Personal Exploration and Discovery Bob's Personal Journey
Parts – Holes - Wholes: Photographic Erotic Art books
Photography Relating to Books My Erotic and Fetish Photography Writing Books
My publisher has decided that I need more published material. We now have the fire play book, “Flames of Passion: Handbook of erotic fire play” and “Protocols: Handbook for the female slave.” He’s suggested that I put out some photography books. Hmmm. He’s decided to go for coffee-table books. Hmmm #2.
Ultimately, he’s had me divide my photos into three groups:
Wholes: photos where the entire model was visible. The backdrop or the action made it interesting.
Holes: pussy shots
Parts: Isolated body parts or parts of the model
It became a Print-On-Demand (POD) book like the others, so when printed it is a photocopy process rather than a printing process. The full color images made it expensive. I like the result.
Books Erotic art photography Erotic
Fetishizing our Dinners
Personal Exploration and Discovery Photography Personal photos
Since I’m revealing quite a bit about myself and my life in these blogs, they just wouldn’t be complete without describing how Mistress, slave mindi, and I dressed for dinners.
This is going to be a “visual blog” rather than a written blog…
Here is a shot of the three of us…
Dressing Mistress for Dinner…
This is a formal shot of Mistress and I…
And THIS is slave mindi in all her glory!!
To round out this set, here I am with mindi…
Sadly, I don’t seem to have any saved pictures of ourselves at Table. An oversight.
Mindi Karen Dr. Bob At Table Dinners
Master/slave Relations: Handbook of Theory and Practice
Personal Exploration and Discovery
My first book, “Protocol Handbook for the Female slave: theory and practice” came out in June 2006. Once I finished it I mentioned to Herbert that he had published the cart before the horse.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked somewhat gruffly.
“It means that you’ve published a book on how to make protocols without a book describing how to create an M/s structure that would even USE protocols.” I replied.
“Hmmmm. Okay. How long would it take you to write that one? Two months?” he asked
“God, no. I haven’t even thought of this. I’d have to do a lot of research and build an outline. After that, I can give you some idea.” I said.
“Okay, keep me posted.” He said.
I began working. By the end of summer, we had our second book in print. It was: “Master/slave Relations: Handbook of theory and practice.This book became the basis of my own M/s structure with my slave.
With these two books under my belt, I was prepared to begin doing presentations.
Books M/s
Becoming a Presenter
Personal Exploration and Discovery Presentation Experiences Bob's Personal Journey Conferences
My first presentation “gig” was at Steven Segal’s request: Florida Fetish Flea. This was a small mostly-gay event in St. Petersburg, FL. It took place in a gay sanctuary—a hotel that surrounded a courtyard by its three wings: the other side of the courtyard was blocked by retail stores catering to gays. And, there was a theater for cross-dressers to perform burlesque. Karen’s parents drove over from Cape Canaveral—Judd and Kathy. They thoroughly enjoyed themselves. Insatiable Amazon (at 6’2” and then spike heels) was also a conference presenter (and friend) came over and spent time with us. It was absolutely magical. I presented on protocols and on M/s relations. These would be my primary presentations for nearly two years.
Master Taino gave me my first big break, letting me present at the Master/slave Conference in 2006. I’d been attending for a few years (since M/sC #2, in fact) but this was my first presentation at an “A-List” conference. I sold books and taught. This was a model that worked for me.
NOTE: From 2007-2013 Master Taino used me as the event photographer. While I enjoyed doing this, the hassle of bringing all that equipment with me to a conference was more than I was interested in. I judged in 2014, but did not return to MsC in 2015 or 2016.
Conference Presenter M/sC Master Taino Judge
Flames of Passion: Handbook of Erotic Fire Play
David Walker and I prepared so many safety handouts for our fire play classes that I asked him whether he might like to put it out as a book. “After all,” I said, “we certainly have the photography set-up and the models.” “Sure” he replied.
We scheduled a couple of shoots; one for cupping, one for wanding, one for wax play, and one for flash cotton. We did the cupping on Renee and the flash cotton on Misty. The sequence with Misty still makes me smile, as we laid out the pattern in such a way that she could feel the flame start up and then watch it approach her face. Her expressions are priceless and we put them in the book. Usually, for newbies, we lay out a simple “Y” strand and light it in the middle. That way, it is totally over before the bottom knows it was lit.
We got Jay Wiseman involved with the book when it came to fire extinguishers. There is a lot of controversy over whether to use a CO2 extinguisher or an ABC powder type. On the one hand, you can throw a person into shock with the CO2 extinguisher, but you don’t risk acid in their eyes. With the ABC extinguisher, you have to be very careful about spraying faces. David and I got around this by saying that there had to be a backup person available when you’re doing fire, and that the person conducting the scene is responsible for the bottom’s safety and the person with the fire extinguisher is responsible for property once the bottom has been removed from the area.
Fire play Jay Wiseman Flames of Passion Handbook Tanya
Kinky Photography
Personal Exploration and Discovery Photography Bob's Personal Journey Kinky Stuff My Erotic and Fetish Photography
Restructuring a Kink Organization
Lady R was going to step down from her long tenure as SAADE’s Chief Counsel. Duncan was going to assume command; Duncan was a very savvy guy with lots of corporate experience behind him. I don’t remember how it started, but Duncan and David and I ended up meeting fairly frequently over the summer of 2005 in order to design a club that would generate its own leaders through merit. Remember, this is the only club in the US that uses the Native American system of meritocracy (vs. democracy).
Ultimately, after a number of whisky-and-cigar encounters, we ended up designing five “silos” feeding to Chief Council.
Education — programs
Strategic planning group
Club meeting liaison
Sex, SM Play, and a Poly Household
Note: 2004-5 was a period of frequent sex and sm play. On the sexual side, we were very involved with the swing community and were regulars at The Jungle, Austin’s up-scale swing club. Jac (the owner) and I became very close friends. To calibrate what I mean by sexually active, my log shows that I had sex with 18 different women in 2004 and with 15 different women in 2005. Some of these were one-offs at The Jungle (Austin's kooky on-site swingers club), but many became multiple or long-term play partners.
Playing with many women gave me a lot of practice with my sex techniques. In particular, I’d become reasonably good at making girls squirt and at fisting. At one of The Jungle parties, a woman’s husband approached me about fisting his wife. This was my first time trying to fist a woman I didn’t know well. I was pretty anxious, but all went tremendously well and all three of us had lots of fun. That we didn’t have any lube has made that scene one of my most vivid recollections: I just kept licking my hand/wrist and…
Most of the sex play at The Jungle was straight sex, but there were one or two ladies with whom I did fire or knife play. Jac would invite me to do a fire play demo a few times a year and that usually resulted in some ladies asking for that experience later in the evening. There was an “exhibition platform” in the back house and that’s where I did the fire play.
I had a woman up on the exhibition platform and set off the flash cotton. Huge flash, of course; the crowd made appropriate gasps. Then, from the orgy room (three king-sized mattresses in a row) a man walked in, looked around, and said, “What’s up?”
We explained we had just set off some flash cotton (nitro cellulous). He said, “Oh. Okay. I’m the fire marshal for the University of Texas and just wondered what the flash was.”
Anyway, I was mentioning that I learned vanilla sex techniques from watching the guys and playing at The Jungle. I leaned to combine my play skills with sex techniques with those who become long-term partners; it was also a chance to build my kink skills.
On the “kink skills” topic, we were also attending play parties where I often was doing fire play demos there, too.
Fire play sex swiniging sm play poly
Kinky Reading and Weekend Conferences
Personal Exploration and Discovery Bob's Personal Journey Thoughtful Stuff
Mindi Books Panama Master/slave Karen Fire play Photography Boquete Mistress Leather communication Father Renee sm play Master Joe Jay Wiseman Conference Southplains relationship slave mindi Newbie sex Protocols club meeting GWNN M/s NLA-Austin SAADE Power Exchange Australia BDSM Phoenix Play party Died Moty New Mexico fetish photography kink club Family San Diego Dr. Bob pinterest Brenna Touch of Leather Fedora