(LifeWire) -- After his father was diagnosed with dementia in 1996, Anthony Lazzara Jr. faced a difficult decision: He and his wife, Gail, either could place his father, Anthony Lazzara Sr., in a facility, or they could care for him themselves. 

Anthony Lazzara Jr. (right) and his wife, Gail (left), cared for Anthony Lazzara Sr. at home for eight years. 

Unable to afford a care facility, the Lazzaras brought him home. 

So began eight long years of caring for the World War II veteran and onetime truck driver as he slowly declined -- a burden borne largely by Gail, 56. 

She fed him, bathed him and changed his diapers on a daily basis while her husband, a truck driver, was on the road. 

Slowly, she says, her marriage began to crumble. 

"I couldn't take my frustration out on my father-in-law," she says. Instead, she took it out on her husband. 

"We almost ended up divorcing over the whole deal," says Anthony Jr., 56. 

Gail concedes she considered leaving, "but I couldn't walk away from my father-in-law." 

Two years ago, the Lazzaras finally threw in the towel. A bed became available at a local Veterans Affairs facility, and the elder Lazzara was admitted. He remained there until April 2008, when he died at age 95. 

A difficult labor of love 

As the Lazzaras can attest, the stress of caring for an elderly parent can overwhelm a relationship. Chauffeuring loved ones to appointments, handling their shopping, assuming their financial burden, even just living under the same roof can test even the most committed couples. 
What choice does a family have when a member is diagnosed with dementia?
He and his wife, Gail, either could place his father, Anthony Lazzara Sr., in a facility, or they could care for him themselves.