Johnny's father perused the report card for two minutes that felt like twenty. All he could do now was just sit there in his seat and stare forwards now that he was in the spotlight. His father continued reading paragraph after paragraph of his teachers' notes and complaints.
"It's all just the same stuff, over and over," his father huffed as he flipped the report card over, his voice hushed and monotonous as if he were sighing every word. It was a voice that suited the dreary-looking man well, as well as his clothes. Johnny's father normally wore a rather monochrome outfit: a short sleeved Oxford shirt, black tie, and black slacks.
He scanned over the inverse side of the report card. "Same 'he loves the class but won't do the work,' every single time."
Johnny looked at his dad wide-eyed as if he was a confused pet. The wall behind him in his father's study was lined with a multitude of diplomas, class photos, and vintage, grainy portraits of men in labcoats standing beside their experiments. It did well in adding a stinging irony to the whole ordeal.
His father continued. "'…Jonathan Ward has a great attitude in class but almost religiously fails to turn in homework…' '…I fear Mr. Ward lacks the work ethic to succeed in this rigorous course…' '…Johnny's attention in class is seemingly ad-hoc and gung-ho to topics he takes great interest in, but this is not reflected in his homework or quizzes…'"
"I got a 90 on the history quiz." Johnny cringed internally as his attempt at lightening the mood only drew ire from his father.
"You know, Johnny…" his father began, rolling his eyes as he set down the report card. "You're on track to flunk out if you keep this up. I don't know what else to do."
He then began assessing his son with his judgemental black eyes, briefly scratching the top of his black crew cut before returning his attention to the report card. He pulled out a manilla folder where he stored Johnny's report cards and slipped the latest inside. Johnny watched as his father carefully adjusted the folder's orientation until it was as parallel with the edge of the desk.
He then lifted his hands from the folder, careful not to disturb its perfectly straight orientation on his meticulously neat desk. "I can't continue to waste my money on your mistakes anymore. You need a tutor. You're old enough to find one, and the school has plenty."
"How am I supposed to get a tutor?" Johnny whined. "I don't know how to, or where to start, and the ones at school…" He then began backtracking. "Wait, no, I can do this. I can do the work, just trust me…"
Johnny's father rubbed his temples. "You're eighteen. Ask your friends, ask your counselor," His father paused, jabbing a thumb backwards to the diplomas behind him. "Or, ask me. I know a few people. You can also look it up online. Make use of all those hours you spend gaming on that damn computer for once."
This sucks balls, Johnny thought to himself, almost blurting those words out loud as he shrugged his shoulders, defeated. "It's weird, Dad… because I want to do good, but, like, I don't know how to do good. Can't focus, don't like the work…"
"Man up, and have some faith in yourself, Johnny. After all, I have all the faith that you can do so." His father's tone lightened for only a split second as he sighed. "You've made it this far. Don't waste it away. Like I said, I can't pay for your mistakes or hear your excuses anymore, unless it's to get a tutor. So, go get one."
Johnny's father then stopped, noticing his phone had begun vibrating on the table. He reached for it, standing up from his seat.
"Maybe then, you'll learn a thing or two about good study habits." He looked down at his son with the same judging glare, although a smidge of affection was in his tone this time around. "Let me know who you pick by the end of the week, and I'll work something out. Gotta take a call."
Johnny watched his father pass him and exit the study, then waited until he was out of earshot. He pouted, resting an elbow on the table as he propped up his chin against his palm, then gave a loud sigh.
"This sucks balls."

brick
Today at 8:46 PM

brick wants to know where Johnny is
We supposed 2 b raiding 2nite
duble XP
hget on vcoice

astro929923
Today at 8:46 PM

How did you make those rune pics in #brick_archive? @brick

brick
Today at 8:46 PM

brick draw them

astro929923
Today at 8:46 PM

Wow. -_-
Very swag! I have learned much from these three words.
Thank you, brick. Very cool! ^_^

brick
Today at 8:47 PM

brick tell you later
Where is Johnny
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE
@jDIZZLE

New Messages

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:47 PM

omfg i'm right here you shitbag
what

astro929923
Today at 8:47 PM

How was it? O_o

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:47 PM

awful
got absolutely owned by my dad
he thinks i should get a tutor

brick
Today at 8:47 PM

brick thinks johnny should get on

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:47 PM

in a sec @brick
im just kinda pissed off abt this

astro929923
Today at 8:47 PM

It's okay. Your dad may have glow-in-the-dark vibes, but at least he cares for you.
Unlike mine. 🙄
Also, a tutor…
You know ones at school are trash or weirdos, right? O_o
Remember Ms. Carter? She turned out to be fucking that Logan guy…

brick
Today at 8:47 PM

Epic School Moment

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:47 PM

ye but here's the thing
he just expects me to magically turn my life around
but i cant do that
and it fucking sucks dude
im not as good as he was
i never will be
my grades are absolutely fubar
i might as well just embrace it and see if i can enlist in the army or something
because idk if i can do this
sorry for the vent

astro929923
Today at 8:48 PM

Aww. ;(
There's still time left, Johnny. You're fine.
Don't you worry. I believe in you. ^3^

brick
Today at 8:49 PM

brick may be able to help

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:49 PM

how? @brick

brick
Today at 8:49 PM

You must promise brick to get on the game for raid after brick tells you

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:49 PM

ok @brick

astro929923
Today at 8:50 PM

Ok. What is it, brick?

brick
Today at 8:50 PM

brick knows someone
Or rather friend of brick know someone on other server
That is how brick rune drawing learn from
brick also know good site for solution
Can give u link in ZIP, u need onion tor stuff usual

astro929923
Today at 8:50 PM

Oh no, I'm not trusting anything deep web related. Miss me with that.

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:51 PM

i just need something
like homework solutions and answer keys and stuff like that
work smart not hard, as my dad says

brick
Today at 8:51 PM

brick assures u u're going to work smart and not hard

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:51 PM

give me the loot

brick
Today at 8:52 PM

bricklizt.zip
1 MB

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:52 PM

what is this

astro929923
Today at 8:53 PM

…Aren't these illegal?

brick
Today at 8:54 PM

No @astro929923
Here is list of link brick give you @jDIZZLE
ther ealso discord ID of person brick's Friend recommended
You can ask any question and they give any answer, trust brick
that is all I can provide
We gamer now?

jDIZZLE
Today at 8:55 PM

i suppose

astro929923
Today at 8:55 PM

Yeah…

brick
Today at 8:56 PM

Its gamer time @everyone
get in voice

Johnny's chin was propped against his knuckles, his elbows on the table. His eyes were glued to the monitor as he stared at the mysterious user's profile picture.
Brick's zip file was full of broken and incredibly suspicious links, but finally Johnny found himself at the user's profile. This was his last shot, and he couldn't afford not to take it.
Be it math questions, history questions, life advice, or even financial advice, Clethos apparently could answer it all. However, Johnny didn't feel comfortable trusting someone so enigmatic so soon, let alone someone from the darker circles of the internet.
It was worth a shot though. After all, any help was better than no help at all.
After pondering his next move for a moment, Johnny placed his hands on his keyboard, then began to type.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:29 PM

hey so uh, i was referred to you by a friend of mine named brick, i was told you could help me out as like a tutor of sorts?
i mostly need help with math
and history
and physics
idk
can you help me? please?

A “CLETHOS is typing…” blinked beneath the input box as Johnny waited. Sixty dreadful seconds had passed, and knowing how apparently tech-savvy this Clethos person was, they were probably typing up something very long.

CLETHOS
Today at 11:30 PM

I only take serious inquiries
Sorry.

He was wrong. Shut down not by an essay, but only six words.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:30 PM

ok
srry to bother you then

Johnny sighed out of frustration and started pacing around his room. His mind raced with numerous alternative scenarios for what to do. He dug his fingers deep into his black hair. He came up with nothing: he had no other options.
What the fuck do I do now? He huffed loudly, thrusting his hands to his sides in anger. All that deep-diving and web crawling, searching for answers and solutions, clicking on suspicious links and chatting with unsavory people… was it all for nothing? Was he really going to just flunk out all because of this?

New Messages

CLETHOS
Today at 11:32 PM

Actually, I might be able to help you.

Johnny rushed back to his computer after hearing a ping, plopping down in his seat as he focused in on the “CLETHOS is typing…” at the bottom of the screen.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:32 PM

oh shit, really?
thats epic! how so?

CLETHOS
Today at 11:33 PM

Aite, so.
I'm not like a tutor of sorts
I'm more like an instructor.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:33 PM

how does that work?

CLETHOS
Today at 11:33 PM

I can teach you true knowledge, rather than slop you'd hear during classroom lectures.
I can show you how things truly are and how they work, stuff way more useful than equations and shit like that.
But it's also stuff that your teacher wouldn't know.
You need your life on track? Why not learn how to get it on track.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:33 PM

oh
uh
ok
wdym tho

CLETHOS
Today at 11:33 PM

Why not learn what makes the world tick, @jDIZZLE?
Why not learn how a mathematician thinks rather than memorizing functions and equations.
For instance, forget about all the boring technobabble behind the Pythagorean Theorem. Would you like to know what was going through Pythagoras's mind when he made his theory?
How did the Transcendentalist Ralph Waldo Emerson come up with his Self-Reliance essay?
What in his environment made him write it?
Would you like to know why a philosopher thinks rather than how?
And why's the number Five so important?
As you'll hopefully see, there's more to the world than meets the eye.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:33 PM

uhhhhh
cool
what about the number Five??

CLETHOS
Today at 11:34 PM

I can teach you all of this.
For a price, of course.
Does this make sense?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:35 PM

umm
i guess???

CLETHOS
Today at 11:35 PM

Be honest. I can tell if you're lying.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:35 PM

idk man
ive got no idea what the fuck u mean by half of this shit

CLETHOS
Today at 11:36 PM

Okay.

Try this one out.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:37 PM

whats this

CLETHOS
Today at 11:37 PM

A picture, dummy.
What do you see in it?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:37 PM

wtf
its just a dog sitting over a bowl looking at me
whats so philosophical about it

CLETHOS
Today at 11:38 PM

Look at the bowl.
What's in it.
Do you feel hungry yet?
✌

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:38 PM

wait
what the FUCK

CLETHOS
Today at 11:38 PM

Classic. :>

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:38 PM

HOW THE FUCKKKKKK

CLETHOS
Today at 11:38 PM

That's called a cognitohazard, it's a very simple one I've made. It's quite harmless.
Whenever you sense a cognitohazard with one of your five senses, it triggers it.
This one just makes you think you're hungry a little.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:39 PM

how the FUCK did you do that
wtf is going on bro

CLETHOS
Today at 11:39 PM

;>
First we can talk payment, of course. Then I can teach you all about these.
If it's tutoring you want, I guess I can do that too.
You're pretty naive so teaching ya what I just showed you won't be hard. It'll also come complimentary.
You seem like the kind of kid who needs his life together, so hopefully what I teach you will help you fix things up.
Make sense?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:41 PM

yeah

CLETHOS
Today at 11:41 PM

Great.
I'll need an address or safe place to drop some things off for you to help you understand it.
Study materials, if you will.
Got bitcoin? Crypto? Anything like that?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:42 PM

uh
nothing like that
i have a Paypal if that works
moc.liamg|2101wj#moc.liamg|2101wj
and i got my address too

CLETHOS
Today at 11:43 PM

…I was honestly expecting better OPSEC from you, but I guess this'll work.
Invoice sent.
Can you pay the invoice now?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:43 PM

yeah i can def do this
paid you btw
dads paying for it so

CLETHOS
Today at 11:43 PM

Sorry if it's a bit expensive, but you're learning things no one else would be learning.
Check your mailbox in a few minutes for an envelope. Your physical one.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:43 PM

afk

CLETHOS
Today at 11:43 PM

I'll be here.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:51 PM

wait holy SHIT howd u do that
i got the envelope, havent opened it
how tf did it get here so quickly

CLETHOS
Today at 11:52 PM

Magic. Quite literally so. :>
Aite. Do you have any questions?

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:52 PM

no
also wtf is in this envelope
what are these
pills?

CLETHOS
Today at 11:52 PM

Knowledge. I call it the Forbidden Fruit. I made them myself.
Don't worry, you won't die if you take one. Trust me, you can ask your buddy, brick, too.
Take one before the lesson, and we'll get started. First things first, your math work, what do you need help on?

Johnny quickly moved over to the Friends tab and opened up a DM with Brick.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:52 PM

brick
are these pills this clethos dude gave me drugs or something
will i die

New Messages

brick
Today at 11:52 PM

Look this fool
brick still alive
They are harmless, trust brick

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:52 PM

ok
if i die its on you

Johnny picked one of the pills up. It was red and smooth, and were it not for the strange chalky smell it gave off he would've otherwise mistaken it for a jelly bean.
A red pill, huh. Johnny chuckled at the symbolism here, unceremoniously placing the pill in his mouth and swallowing it with a swig from his water bottle.
After about a minute, he leaned back in his chair and let out a sigh, feeling a sort of "clearness" entering his mind. He was alive, thank God, but the pill definitely had done something to him. Was it lightheadedness or something else?
He felt much more receptive to the world around him, but also felt much more aware of his environment, as if hyper-alert.
Okay… I can do this.

jDIZZLE
Today at 11:53 PM

took one
im alive
oh shit everything's like floaty now
but I feel kinda good
ready to learn
oh, also, math
uhh, functions and stuff

CLETHOS
Today at 11:54 PM

Then lemme send you a funny math meme. ;>

Johnny nonchalantly approached his father's workstation, arms folded behind his back. His father's typing on the keyboard sounded like machine gun fire as he worked, his attention fixated on whatever was on the computer.
"Hey, Dad?"
Johnny's father stopped typing and lifted his head up from his computer, his face artificially brightened by the whitespace on the screen. "Yes?"
"I, uh," He paused, trying to come up with an alibi in those few miliseconds. "Well, a couple days ago, I found a tutor through my friends. Online guy."
"Oh, really? Is that true?" Johnny's father cracked a small smile.
"Yep," Johnny fibbed, "I'm paying him through Paypal, weekly, and I'll send you the details. He specializes with math, but also is helping me with English and History, too." He folded his arm, smirking. "How's that for putting my gaming skills to the test?"
"That's great." Johnny's father said calmly, typing something out with both of his index fingers. "Hopefully we'll see some improvement all across the board. Have a good night."
Johnny smiled and executed an about face, stepping out of his father's study. "You too, Dad."

brick
Today at 7:30 PM

brick says no raid 2nite
The Big Test tomorrow

astro929923
Today at 7:30 PM

Agreed. I've gotta do good on this one, too. @brick
Anyways, what's this rune you've drawn today, brick?

brick
Today at 7:30 PM

brick rune

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:30 PM

that looks like one of those thaumaturgic ones @brick
idk what exactly it does

brick
Today at 7:31 PM

brick made rune to create more brick

astro929923
Today at 7:31 PM

Sounds like both of you guys have been productive. @brick ^.^
Also, Johnny, you've definitely been sounding like it. You've been a lot more positive these last couple of weeks. uwu
That Clethos fella helping you out any?

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:32 PM

plenty
astro u got no idea bro
all this makes so much more sense now
it's like i'm actually thinking like a mathematician now and its helping
and i can actually understand what those grimy old farts are talking about in the english books n shit
instead of, you know, just taking notes and memorizing shit

brick
Today at 7:32 PM

Make a brick math problem @jDIZZLE

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:32 PM

its crazy dude
like i understand exactly what they mean now
and how the world works too
im pretty sure i can get my life on track quickly if i keep this up
shit has been so fucking PogSex lately

astro929923
Today at 7:32 PM

That's great, Johnny!!

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:32 PM

ye
also sorry to vent again guys
but lifes still kinda been shitty for me lately
for my dad at least
remember what i was saying last week?

brick
Today at 7:32 PM

brick remember
Trouble at the Johnny Dad job right?

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:32 PM

yeah
dad called me yesterday and gave me the quick rundown
hella cutbacks
apparently those cucks at his job are docking his pay hard and letting some people go
he can't keep paying for this tutor stuff, so i had to tell clethos id be late on some payments
i think he took it fine tho, but i think i got it from here anyways
so i might need to stop paying clethos altogether and go on with my life

astro929923
Today at 7:32 PM

Oh.. jeez. I'm sorry to hear that about your dad's job…
I'm still glad you've been doing better though, Johnny! \OwO/
Sounds like you've got everything under control now.

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:32 PM

for the most part
it sucks but it is what it is

astro929923
Today at 7:33 PM

Maybe you could teach me a few things too? :o I'm still reluctant on learning these kinds of things tho.
Fear of the unknown and all…
From what brick describes it…it's like all sorts of mucho texto, but it all comes together in the end.
Some traumatizing stuff here and there…

brick
Today at 7:33 PM

It is not that bad
Also brick think Johnny sus

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:33 PM

how am i sus @brick

brick
Today at 7:33 PM

brick know u're been spending more time with Clethos
Mayhaps you like em

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:33 PM

that's cap @brick

brick
Today at 7:34 PM

Explain da love rune in #johnnys_stuff then
checks mate, liberal

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:34 PM

stfu

astro929923
Today at 7:34 PM

…Love…rune? OwO
Quick, Johnny, use it on me!! :3

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:34 PM

no

brick
Today at 7:35 PM

Yes @jDIZZLE
brick says do it @jDIZZLE
Make love rune for astro @jDIZZLE
Don't be shy, make a love rune @jDIZZLE
Come on dont be shy @jDIZZLE

astro929923
Today at 7:35 PM

Johnny…~
@jDIZZLE

New Messages

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:35 PM

omfg
can you guys FUCK OFF
i keep getting pinged by you jagaloons
im with Clethos rn
we're fucking
going over physics stuff
Failed to send message. Right click to retry.

astro929923
Today at 7:36 PM

Called it.
X3

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:37 PM

going over physics stuff
OMFG NOOOOOO
FUUUUUCK

brick
Today at 7:37 PM

Get fucked
anotha 1 for the #cursed_messages channel

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:38 PM

FUCK OFF

astro929923
Today at 7:38 PM

Too late. ;3
Don't worry, I don't hate you for this.

jDIZZLE
Today at 7:38 PM

ugh
lemme just go back to doing my work
I'll see you tomorrow after physics @brick

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:10 AM

okay i think i get this V=IR stuff
epic

CLETHOS
Today at 12:10 AM

Perfect.
You'll find physics gets quite easy when you start disregarding it. ✌

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:11 AM

also, can i just say
this just
kind of feels weird yknow?

CLETHOS
Today at 12:12 AM

How so?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:12 AM

like
i feel like im learning stuff i shouldn't be learning
three weeks ago i never knew what a cognitohazard was
let alone an anomaly
now i know so much anomalous shit and its all pretty normal to me now
just feel like i shouldn't be learning all this soon
or at all for that matter
its weird

New Messages

CLETHOS
Today at 12:12 AM

And that's perfectly fine! :>
It's normal to feel weird about the unknown. Though, I'd say you have barely scratched the surface, my friend.
It is in your human nature to question the environment around you if the information you are learning about is something your gut says you shouldn't be learning.
It is in your nature to question the unnatural, to try and ascertain reason from the impossible.
But I implore you to have an open mind.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:13 AM

yeh

CLETHOS
Today at 12:13 AM

If something is out of the norm, do you run away in fear and hide, or do you face it head on and dissect its secrets and intricacies?
Having an open mind and confronting things that most people are simply too afraid to learn or too ignorant to learn is the first step to success.
You've done a stellar job so far, so for that I applaud you.
Do you have any questions before we move on?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:15 AM

actually, i wanted to tell you something kinda important

CLETHOS
Today at 12:15 AM

What's up?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:16 AM

dont think i can keep doing these sessions

CLETHOS
Today at 12:15 AM

Hmm? How so?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:17 AM

i think ive got it from here, dude
ive pretty much pulled a 180 on my grades and got my life together and im on track to get everything fixed up
and you helped me learn a lot of cool stuff and for that i thank u
rn im fine basically
my dad is just going thru really some tough times at work and i dont think he can keep paying for this
i dont have pocket money to spare either cause i gotta help him too
its all hands on deck at my house

CLETHOS
Today at 12:17 AM

…
I see.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:18 AM

im sorry i couldn't get those last two payments in
its been shitty for my dad for a long time
but once things lighten up for him hes promised me hes gonna pay me back for those weeks

CLETHOS
Today at 12:20 AM

We made a deal, though…
And I thought I could be so lenient with you.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:20 AM

?

CLETHOS
Today at 12:21 AM

A deal. A payment plan. A contract.
And you can't just BREAK things like these, Johnny.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:21 AM

contract?
like i said dude im sorry but i have to help my dad out for a bit

CLETHOS
Today at 12:21 AM

Ugh.
I feel sick. Used.
And you.
You're disgusting.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:21 AM

?????
dude fuck
im so sorry

CLETHOS
Today at 12:21 AM

Absolutely disgusted

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:22 AM

please clethos
i swear ill pay you back

CLETHOS
Today at 12:22 AM

213er5342jkh5.zip
10 MB

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:23 AM

dude im not looking at that memetic agent
you taught me about innoculation

CLETHOS
Today at 12:23 AM

See, that's exactly what I mean.
Now you think you're hot shit or something now that you know about the anomalous.
You little rat shit.
I don't like it when my friends break contracts like these.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:24 AM

look clethos i promise ill get the money to u some way
just give me some time please dude
you dont need to teach me anything more im fine dude

CLETHOS
Today at 12:24 AM

It's not that simple.
You think this shit is something you can just pull up on fucking Google.
It's not.
These are thousands of years worth of knowledge and practice, Johnny.
And you're treating it like little more than a goddamn Wikipedia article.
Dude.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:25 AM

dude its not like that on god

CLETHOS
Today at 12:26 AM

Fucking ridiculous.
You're just like brick, you know that, right?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:26 AM

?
i thought brick only knew u indirectly?

CLETHOS
Today at 12:26 AM

No. They were one of my students.
I never told you, though
They were kind of like you, too.
Hungry for knowledge, open-minded, and a good learner…
But then they did what you did.
They betrayed me.
They left me starved out of my house and home after I taught them for nearly half a year.
Stopped paying. Same excuse as you. Said they couldn't afford it anymore.
Thought they could just get up and leave me without paying their dues for what I taught them.
Thought they could do it on their own or teach other people my knowledge.
Thought they could make it in the world by cheating me out of my knowledge.
But the truth is, none of you fucking vermin can.
You're nothing in this world without me and my knowledge.
You're just a lost little dog in a world full of big, bad wolves.

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:27 AM

bro please just stop fucking chimping out i'll get it to you asap

CLETHOS
Today at 12:27 AM

But there's one thing that sets brick apart from you.
Do you know what it is, Johnny?

jDIZZLE
Today at 12:27 AM

huh

CLETHOS
Today at 12:28 AM

brick actually had a modicum of intelligence.
I'm going to collect the funds in-person now.

Johnny squinted at those words for a moment, trying to draw some meaning from Clethos's cryptic threat. How was someone like brick smarter than him? Someone who, lest he forget, could barely form a coherent sentence and spoke in broken English?
Then, he paused, setting his eyes on the last remark.
In-person…?
The realization of what Clethos had meant by this then hit Johnny like a thrown brick as he froze up in his seat, sitting upright and rigid. He felt a lump in his throat as his heart skipped a beat.
Oh my fucking God. I gave him my home address.
I'm so fucked.
He heard a loud crash at the front door and immediately rose from his computer. Johnny crept out into the main atrium, looking for a hiding space or viable weapon. He paused as his gaze passed over the front door…
…which was missing.
In its place was a large, vaguely humanoid-shaped black mass in the doorway, standing slightly hunched over and casting a long shadow into the house from the light of the street lamps behind it. The man-shaped void emanated an unnatural, cosmic darkness as it stood there motionless, almost as if Johnny was viewing a chunk of the world that was missing from reality.
There were no defining features on its face except an unnaturally large open maw, filled with rows of white, razor sharp teeth… albeit vestigial, given the sheer volume of teeth. A clear liquid dripped from its mouth and fell to the wood floor, giving off a repetitive wet pitter-patter noise.
"Jooohhhnny…" it whispered, its voice slurred and slow as if it were artificially modified. It slowly turned its head towards him, its open maw reshaping into a crude smile. It then raised a fist, two clawed fingers extending out in a peace sign.
Johnny could barely speak at all. His mind stopped thinking about his run, hide, or fight plan as he instead started losing his shit. His legs slightly buckled as tears formed in his eyes, which were still having difficulty adjusting to the paranatural darkness before him. He just stared at the thing in the doorway, frozen in awe and fright.
The silhouette entered as smoothly as a panther, its steps giving off a light thumping noise as if it were walking barefoot on the floor.
"…I shall get my fair share…"
The room seemed to warp and contort around Johnny as if it were being stretched like silly putty as the entity extended a hand out towards him.
"….one way or another!"
Its movements were surreal, as if they were from an animation in 60 frames per second. In only a few bounds, the entity had made it halfway across the living room and into Johnny's face, pushing him towards the kitchen with a single shove as it bounded over the sofa.
Johnny fell to the floor, but before he could move, the entity had pounced on him, pinning him to the floor as it opened its maw. More of the slimy, clear liquid dripped down onto his face as he bore the brunt of an otherworldly howl that seemed to vibrate him and the room around him.
Johnny's ears continued ringing as the monster grabbed him by the neck, beginning to squeeze tight as its breaths became more and more laborous. He flopped his arms onto the entity's wrist in an attempt to get it off his neck, but to no avail. His hands began to slip across its oily skin, his fingertips feeling a tingling sensation similar to the effect of his arms falling asleep as he began losing control over his limbs.
"Clethos…" Johnny croaked weakly. The creature only continued huffing as it placed two hands around his neck, tightening its grip.
"…squeeze his head off… squeeze his head off… squeeze his head off… squeeze his head off… squeeze his head off…"
Johnny began seeing stars as the world began to darken around him…
***
CLICK-CLACK
Clethos immediately loosened its grip on Johnny's neck. Johnny took a long and loud gasp as he broke into a violent coughing fit, painfully turning his head towards whatever the entity looming above him was looking at. He saw black dress shoes and black slacks… along with the shape of something long and dark held in the arms of his father.
That sound he heard was instantly recognizable as the sound of a shotgun racking, the universal
sound to kiss your ass goodbye.
BANG
Thick, tar-like ectoplasm spattered against Johnny's face and the nearby furniture as Clethos staggered backwards, slowly looking down at the dinner plate-sized hole in its chest. It hissed with fury and assumed a combat stance as it lunged at Johnny's father, but not before he racked the tactical shotgun again and put another blast into the entity's head at point blank.
BANG
Johnny cringed as he saw Clethos's body fly across the room, ragdolling and dropping to the floor atop their coffee table, snapping it in two. It raised what Johnny now assumed to be its head, which it was missing half of along with a sizable portion of its jaw, as it turned towards his father.
CLICK-CLACK
BANG
Johnny's father wasted no time in shooting the monster again. More oily chunks were blasted from Clethos's head as it was almost completely reduced to pulpy ribbons, its teeth littering the floor like confetti from a party. It weakly raised an arm towards Johnny's father as it hissed and groaned like an injured animal.
Johnny saw his father simply kick the arm away, bending it at an impossible angle to the side and placing his right foot on the arm, while he planted his left foot on Clethos's chest.
CLICK-CLACK
BANG
Clethos finally went limp as Johnny's father stepped off the monster, racking his shotgun for one last time. Johnny really had no words about the whole ordeal as he watched his father calmly place the shotgun against the couch, reaching into his pocket for his phone and dialing a number. He then placed the phone to his ear.
"Hello? …yeah. It's Dr. Ward. …yeah, I had a bit of a situation at home. … Yes, it's been resolved." His father began to pace back and forth. "Just need cleanup and some Class A here," He paused, turning to his son as he glanced at him. "For one."
"..Dad..? What's going on..?"
His father hung up the phone and put it in his pocket. "Johnny… holy shit. I thought I told you to work smart, not hard…"
Johnny sat up on his butt. "B-but I did—"
"No. You worked dumb." His father said sternly as he emphasized his frustration with a knifehand. He sighed, briefly glancing over the corpse of the entity he had just killed. Steam rose from the body as the onyx skin melted away, leaving behind a blackened husk of a skeleton with large, misshapen extremities.
"How the hell do I explain this to them.. to you.." Johnny's father sighed loudly as he began talking to himself, pacing back and forth.
An idea for a response formed in Johnny's head as he finally stood up with great effort. "Dad… is that an, uh, infohazard?"
Johnny's father stopped, turning to his son with an incredibly confused look, his nose wrinkling as he narrowed his eyes in confusion. "No, that's not an info— how the hell do you know what those are? Oh, jeez…"
"He taught me." Johnny gestured to the corpse. "And he gave me some pills that helped."
He saw his father roll his eyes and shoulders as he gave a loud, extended sigh. "Pills? From online?!" He shook his head. "Like I said, Johnny… you should've just hired a damn tutor. Not a goddamn anomalous fiend from online."
The sound of a car approaching and parking in their driveway caused Johnny's father to lose focus and turn to the window. "Sounds like my coworkers are here. Wait here. Everything will be normal soon."
"Wait, what do you mean—" Johnny's voice trailed off as his father completely ignored his pleas, exiting the house. He peered over at the smoking body of Clethos for a split second, grimacing at the gruesome sight one last time, before crawling to the window.
Outside, his ectoplasm-spattered father was standing beside a white van bickering with a bespectacled man in a pristine white labcoat, with two men in blue jumpsuits and respirators close by inspecting a trail of darkness leading up to their front porch. The men in jumpsuits were also spraying some hazy aerosol around the place from strange machines they wore like backpacks.
The area was already being cordoned off by yellow caution tape by two more men in blue jumpsuits and respirators, but, otherwise, the world moved on as if nothing was going on.
What.. the.. fuck?
His mind was going in circles as his vision went fuzzy again. As the haze approached the house, he felt memories swap and shift around in his head. The raid sessions with Brick and Astro, the lectures with Clethos, and the clarity he felt when taking the Forbidden Fruit pills… all were forgotten in seconds much like the details to a dream that he'd just had the night before.
Johnny struggled to stay focused as he assessed the situation in the driveway and front yard, trying to make sense of the bizarre scene before him.
Then, he saw it.
His focus was now on the nondescript white van his father and the man in the labcoat were conversing beside. Rather, he'd thought it was nondescript.
In reality, the two men were standing beside a large black insignia on the side of the van: one inner circle was surrounded a larger, outer circle. A broom, mop, and vacuum cleaner were positioned around the inner circle, the head of each cleaning tool pointed inwards…
…and right before his vision went blurry again, he saw the name on the van: Sasha's Cleaning Products.


July 2020
Foundation Cross-Task Force Training Retreat
Humboldt-Toiyabe National Forest
"C'mon, Brennan, keep up!"
"Fuck…" Jack Brennan, Lieutenant in Psi-7 and eternal pain-in-the-ass, coughed and hunched over, hands on his knees. "…you, Pryce. It is… really hard to… run with a mask on."
Seren Pryce rolled her eyes and turned to face him, ponytail bobbing behind her. "You've run up an endless staircase in combat gear with a respirator. Don't be a wuss."
Brennan came to his feet, and pointed at his fogged-up glasses. "I can see out of respirators!"
Seren shook her head, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a bottle of de-fogger spray. "Just watch your eyes. Researcher at 87 nearly went blind because he didn't apply it properly."
Jack took it gladly and started spraying de-fogger on his glasses. "God, these masks suck, though."
"At least we've got good ones. Can actually wear them without feeling like your ears are going to be cut off."
Jack finished applying the spray to his glasses, and the jog resumed. It was an early July morning, and several agents of the dozen task forces gathered in the forest had gotten up to exercise.
"This isn't even the worst part of this fucking end-of-the-world scenario," Seren groused. "Halloween is big in Sloth's Pit."
"Slo- oh, Nexus-18." Jack picked up his pace. "Think they're going to cancel trick-or-treating?"
"They have to at this point. Douglas County has over one-hunded cases, and the former mayor's still not off his ventilator." Seren fell behind, a half-decade-old injury in her leg starting to throb. "They haven't cancelled trick-or-treating in almost fifty years."
"Not even during 097's Neutralization?"
Seren shuddered, coming to a stop, hands on her knees. "Give me five."
Jack stopped, leaning against a tree. In the distance, he saw half a dozen people from Chi-12 run through the trees. "Bad memories?"
"I mean…" Seren stretched. The paper mask was itching. "What do you call it when an entire squad gets killed by an evil hotel room, forty people turn up stuffed inside scarecrows, and your friendly neighborhood tulpa tries to decapitate the only Type-Blue for forty miles within the space of a week? And poor Pickman, Christ…"
"At least he got his name on an 001 posthumously." Brennan reached into his sweatpants and pulled out two protein bars, throwing one to Seren.
She looked it over disapprovingly. "Jesus Christ, it's mid-July. Where the hell did you get a Pumpkin Spice protein bar?" She turned it over. "…fucking 80% of your daily value of sugar?! I might as well be hooked up to an IV full of Pepsi."
Unperturbed, Jack bit into his energy bar— only a single bite. "You were on the team that neutralized it, right?"
"Yeah. It took a bunch of kids from the town. Nobody was seriously hurt, thank god." Seren brought a bottle of water to her lips and took a swig before continuing, "Squad-29 and the Type-Blues at 87— Sinclair and Reynolds— stayed behind and blew it up after the rest of the task force evaced the kids. She gave a really hammy speech too." Seren shook her head.
"She?"
In an overly-dramatic voice, Seren intoned, "The Black Equinox, Mavra Isimeria, long may her stupid car-themed name be dead. Town had a cult in it back in the sixties that made sacrifices in exchange for eternal life."
"If I had a nickel," Jack chuckled. "How'd you do it, though?"
"Like I said, blew it up. Literally— Sinclair blew up the truck it was on." She stowed the bottle, and began her jog again. "Had to call a favor in from the local Tulpas, and they asked for one in return."
"Sloth's Pit has more than one? They call it in yet?"
"Not to my knowledge. I—"
Seren cringed as her left foot squelched in something that was brown, sticky, and unfortunately not a stick. She didn't even have to look down to realize what she'd stepped in— she could smell it. "Come on, really? Dog shit on the track?" She took another step, eyes widening as she realized the entire trail was covered in what could be described as organic canine-originating landmines.
"I see Lambda-12 walked their dogs out here today." Jack rubbed his face. "Fuck it, we got a good walk in."
"Pest Control could at least try to be creative with their pranks." Seren scraped her boot against a tree. "Smoke and Mirrors rigged an SRA to drive the Kant Counters on White Rabbits' equipment berserk. It was fucking hilarious."
"Still think a task force dedicated to stage magic should be called Tenn and Peller." Jack shook his head.
"Central command said no." Seren kept kicking at the tree. "I hear the retreat in Virginia has to deal with the freaks from Samsara. Poor fools."
"Bunch of Mary Sue Power Rangers, but they're all right when you get to know them. Got a cute dog."
Once she was certain her boot was clean, Seren started the jog back to camp.

"…and if we want to examine exactly why safety protocols regarding subterranian transport are effective," Dr. Abraham Reinhardt addressed the room full of semi-bored agents before him, his voice slightly muffled by the mask. "We only need look at the case of one Researcher Christopher Hastings in Wisconsin."
Reinhardt advanced the slide to show an image of a man in his late twenties or early thirties being dragged into a hole. His face was contorted in pain, and he was in the process of removing his shirt, but it wasn't entirely off— instead, it was covering his mouth and nose. "Note how he doesn't attempt to reach out for help from others, because he knows that he's at risk of dragging them under. Instead, he attempts to claw at the dirt for purchase." He advanced the slide to show the man digging his fingers into the soil. "And note how he positions his shirt, covering his nose and mouth. Ideally, he would be covering his eyes as well, but given the circumstances, it's understandable why he didn't."
The slide advanced again, showing Hastings covering his chest with a pair of crossed arms, the wrists covering his heart. "Here, we see him protecting his core, where his heart and lungs are. Fingers clutching his shoulders, eyes shut, and as we can see from the way he's got his chest puffed up, he's taking a deep breath."
"Now, I understand that we have Mr. Hastings's significant other with us today?"
Agent Ruby Williams stood up sheepishly, waving a hand. All of the other agents in the room turned to face her, and Dr. Reinhardt nodded.
"Agent Williams, is it?"
"Yes, sir."
"Tell me, do you think he would be alive if he didn't follow these protocols properly?"
"No sir." Williams cleared her throat. "His following of protocol is what allowed us to start proper containment of the situation in Nexus-18. Due to him being able to maintain consciousness, he documented what our task force has termed the, uh…" She chewed her lip. "The Scarecrow Factory, a botanical anomaly facilitated by the corpse of the former mayor, and recovered an item that led to the discovery of a defunct cult within the Nexus zone that had once given sacrifices to SCP-097-D."
Dr. Reinhardt snapped his fingers at her. "What's Site-87's casualty rate, Agent Williams?"
"About… one in every… fifty, sir?"
"Would you describe your task force as competent?"
"No, sir. They're a bunch of utter chucklefucks."
The entire room broke out into snickers, with a protest of 'Hey!' coming from fellow members of Sigma-10.
"I'm kidding. We've got a bit of a more casual attitude, but due to the higher morale, we've… well, we've got plenty of reasons to not give up. Wanting to be with friends, family. Loved ones. We're willing to fight tooth and nail in situations where a lot of agents would give up."
"So, you don't lie down and accept your fate?"
"Never have, never will. Sigma-10 has a motto about us not giving up: 'Your story won't end here'."
Reinhardt grinned, visible even behind his paper mask. "The whole narrative motif that town has going on is absurd, but I like that. Now, let's move on to an example on the other end of the spectrum, in which Agent Perry Fisher survived a three-hour-long fall through a spatial anomaly by assuming proper crash positions…"

"Never Have I Ever? Are we twelve? Or sitcom characters?" Raymond February took off his glasses and wiped them down— he hardly ever got to use them anymore, but it was nice to take his contacts out for a change.
The young-but-experienced Jane Weiss of the Angle Grinders punched him in the shoulder. "My aunt wanted to know how I was doing, and this is your price for information. Besides, this probably the last chance we're going to get to have tequila for the next year."
"They're running low on it in Vegas." 'Unshakable' Gerald McCoy from Smoke and Mirrors fidgeted with a ring on his finger as he looked over the fixings at the bar. The Scotsman sighed as he considered attempting to smuggle a small bottle of the stuff home. "And I'm sick of paying twelve bucks a glass."
A woman calling herself 'Momoko' took a seat on the other side of February, scooting her seat over for proper social distancing. Despite the bar being fairly casual— as casual as a pop-up bar on a Foundation retreat could get— she was still decked out in her gear, including a tactical hood and part of a ghillie suit, worn as a cloak. He wasn't sure what task force she was part of, something under the Alpha designation. "I ain't had that stuff in almost thirty years."
The three of them looked at Momoko oddly. She didn't look a day over thirty-five, but there was something in her eyes, manic as they were, that showed a great amount of experience. She looked back at them and laughed. "Aight, slight exaggeration. Lost a taste for it about a decade ago, but I'm willing to try again."
Jane poured each of them a shot of tequila. "Here's a baseline one: never have I ever toppled a galactic empire."
Momoko's fingers twitched on her glass. Nobody noticed.
"Was hoping that would get a reaction out of you, February." McCoy frowned at him. "You come from Weirdsville, USA as I understand it."
"Sloth's Pit isn't that weird." February snorted. "You go, Ger."
"Aye. Never have I ever had to fight something while speaking in rhyme."
February knocked back his drink. Jane raised a brow. "Okay, Ray, I gotta know. What happened?"
"Halloween of 2018. This… entity came out of SCP-4040. Some kinda thoughtform. Talked in rhyme, and when I directly engaged it with some of my squad, we all started doing the same."
"This that Pit Sloth I've heard about?" Momoko asked.
"One and the freaking same. Ask Tofflemire or Carol about it, they know more than I do." He chewed his lip. "All right. Never have I ever accidentally imbibed truth serum."
Jane knocked back her shot sheepishly, and poured them each a fresh one. "In my defense, sodium pentathol looks a lot like water."
All of them shared a laugh. Momoko looked at February with a raised brow. "Never have I ever… fought a Keter."
February swallowed his shot, and poured himself another, and downed that. "4040 was upgraded to Keter during the whole Halloween crisis— the second one. Agents that initially encountered it— one of them was allergic to amnestics, so it couldn't be properly contained. It evolved into this whole thing—"
"Oh, with the spatial loop around Sloth Spit?" Jane smirked. "Auntie Nina told me about that over Christmas. You'll have to tell me more sometime."
"Wait, there was a first Halloween crisis?" Momoko frowned.
"Honestly? We need to start counting Halloweens where things don't go pear-shaped." February sighed. "Jane, your turn."
Jane Weiss chewed her lip. "Never have I ever had to face off with an evil clone of myself."
Momoko, February and McCoy all knocked back their shots. Jane's eyes widened at February. "Jesus Christ, what the hell is happening in that utter moon-logic town?"
"Language," February blinked his eyes and slapped his face. "And Halloween, again. Entity from 4040— the freakin' Pit Sloth— decided to make clones of everyone at Site-87. Shoved us in the barracks."
"Auntie left that part out," Jane frowned. "This was all on the same Halloween?"
"Yep."
McCoy chewed his lip. "I think I'd like to let the lady at the end of the bar go next. She's shaking with excitement for the next prompt."
Momoko put her hand behind her and pressed something against the stool that was making her cloak wiggle around. "Never have I ever quoted a bad movie in the face of danger."
All of them knocked a shot back on that. Jane laughed. "Really, McCoy? Even you?"
"I had to watch Harry Potter a dozen times with my grandkids! This damn fool was imitating Radcliffe, and I decided to say 'You ain't a wizard, 'arry' when I coldcocked him."
That drew a laugh from all of them as February poured the next round.

Agent Allison Carol was technically not allowed to leave the grounds of the retreat unsupervised. It wasn't her fault she had gone to use the restroom on the base, and ended up walking out of it into the Wal-Mart in Reno approximately two months later. Space-time anomaly, simple as that.
Not that she would report that— this was technically a meeting with her other employer. She made her way to the books section, and, per previous instructions, looked towards the customer service desk.
The returns line at the customer service desk had dozens of disappointed-looking adults in it, holding various costumes, decorations, and bags of candy— several of the latter had been taped back over to hide the holes. None of them were observing social distancing, naturally, but all of them wore masks.
Alison's mask itched as she frowned. She turned to her partner, pretending to look at the latest James Patterson novel in the books section. "Why did you want me here, exactly?"
The woman next to her, garbed in a grey dress suit and a cloche hat, shrugged. "To get a sneak peak of the coming attraction."
"We tried the film thing for the last two years. Didn't work out." Alison flipped through the book, mildly disgusted. "How many ghostwriters does this motherfucker have?"
"Pay attention." The woman— Alison referred to her as 'Sunshine'— snapped. "Look at their faces. Halloween is one of the premiere events in this country, even after the last four years. And they're despairing."
Alison looked up at them. She noticed a distinct lack of children in the line, but all of the adults were returning children's costumes. A woman with a Batman costume looked especially distraught— said suit looked like it was big enough for someone on the cusp of being a teenager. "Not the first time Trick-or-Treating has been cancelled, not the last."
"This is different, though. Psychologically. They're all wearing masks, but none of them want to." She adjusted her own mask, which was literally a long, flowing purple scarf that blew in an impossible breeze that smelled like old paper and fresh ink. "They just announced Trick-or-Treating was cancelled in Reno today. Think about Sloth's Pit—every other Holiday in the city has been cancelled or reduced. No pubs on St. Patrick's day, no Memorial Day Strawberry Festival, no Easter Egg hunt, and any day that would have been a free day of from school for the children is off by default, with the digital classes." She frowned. "I don't like it, and neither should you."
"I don't." She sighed. "But it's a necessary evil. We can't have people Trick-or-Treating while a deadly disease is going around."
"There's more too it than that that you're not getting." Sunshine picked up a copy of Martha Stewart Magazine. "The entire month of October is a Bacchanal for the United States, a time when you get to rip off your metaphorical masks. And you're being denied that in a time when you need it now more than ever. And Sloth's Pit being Sloth's Pit…"
Alison frowned. "You're saying that we're going to have another one."
"Certainly looks that way, Narrator."
Alison rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?" She frowned. "What can I do, though?"
"As of right now, Sloth's Pit is like a bottle of soda that's been shaken in a centrifuge running at Mach 10, about to be put under a hydraulic press. Your job is to relieve the pressure in the bottle by any means necessary."
"Or what?"
The woman rubbed at her scarf. "Or you may never be able to take off any mask ever again, literal or metaphorical."
"Can't you give a straight answer?"
"Part of the office. It's hard to do." Sunshine shook her head, and produced a piece of paper from her pocket— a QR code. "Someplace to start."
Alison took out her phone and scanned the card, frowning at the address it turned up. "…Parawatch? You're kidding, right?"
"It's where the spooky people live nowadays." Sunshine looked past her shoulder. "Your partner's ready to make a joke about you falling in. I suggest you head on back."
Alison Carol stood up and exited the bathroom back at the base, glowering at Robert Tofflemire in as friendly of a manner as she could manage. "Bit of advice: avoid the chicken sandwiches."
"Noted." Robert grinned at her. "You bring that trick knife with you? Pryce wants to get revenge on Pest Control for that stunt they pulled with the dog shit."
"Couldn't get it on the plane." Alison shook her head. "But, the bar does have all the material here we need to make February's Famous Cherry Lemonade Fake Blood."
"Still creeps me out that an ex-vampire hunter made a recipe for that stuff." Robert chuckled. "Friend of mine from when I worked at 19 is guarding the paintball gear. Half to sabotage their balls, half for us to drink?"
"Sounds awesome."
Alison walked with her partner, feeling autumn start to grip the woods around her. This was going to be another long Halloween.

| Black Autumn IV Hub | Off the Road, Off the Rails »
S & C Plastics Hub


Mikell Bright quietly shuts the door to Jack Bright's office. "Brother."
Jack continues to fill out the paperwork sitting on his desk, eyes firmly downwards. "Brother."
The silence that settles between them is far more awkward on Mikell's end.
After several very long moments, Jack looks up. "What do you need?" His pen doesn't lift from the paper.
Mikell can't quite make eye contact. "I'm sure you heard about my promotion."
"Of course I did. I'm technically not supposed to know, but we're family."
"Word does travel that way."
Every conversation they've never had hangs in the air. They're only about ten feet apart, only a couple strides away from physical contact, only a conversation away from what they're both really feeling.
"Six. That's a pretty nice position." Jack looks down at his half-finished sentence, then back up at his brother. "You're a lucky guy. Moved up pretty quick."
There's years of bitterness in eight words. Mikell resists the urge to fidget with something. "Yeah. I'm pretty lucky."
"Do you know who's taking your place?"
"Not yet. I just got the news an hour ago." There's something about the way Jack is looking at him that makes Mikell want to hide. He keeps up the facade of being unbothered, back straight, hands quietly by his sides. "They gave me a few hours to collect my things and say my goodbyes. I assume I'm never going to see you again."
"I assume so."
"How…" Mikell swallows and closes his eyes. When they reopen, the room is the same. "How long have you known?"
"A few days." There might be pity in Jack's eyes. It's hard to tell. "Before you did, I suppose. Our father told me about the decision. He knows these things, you know."
"I know."
"It's a figure of speech."
"I know." Mikell has to put his hands in his pockets. Even then, his fingers twist around themselves in an attempt to feel something other than what's right in front of him. "I just… I don't know if I'm ready."
"Of course you're ready." Jack's pen moves neatly to finally finish his thought, and then continues on to his next ones. "You wouldn't be promoted if you weren't."
"Okay. Fine." Mikell takes a deep breath. "I don't feel ready."
"You will."
"How do you know?"
"Because you're Mikell." Jack's words are so matter-of-fact and so, so painful. "Because you've already accepted the position. Because you're standing in front of me doing a shit job at saying goodbye."
"I'm sorry." Mikell has to consciously breathe. "I'm not very good at words."
"I know."
"Goodbye doesn't really cut it, though, does it?"
"It never really has." Jack finally sets his pen down and fully looks up from his paperwork. "Mikell…"
"Yeah?" There's a plea somewhere in there.
"Thank you for stopping by."
"You're the only one of us I could on such short notice."
"Doesn't matter. You still thought of me."
This time, the silence between them isn't filled with knives.
The two of them make eye contact, and Mikell speaks. "Am I the right man for the job?"
Jack pauses and looks at the floor before answering. "Are you?"
There's no response Mikell can give.
"Go finish packing." Jack picks his pen back up. "You've got a big life ahead of you."
"I'll miss you."
"Go pack."
Mikell leaves the office as quietly as he came in.
He does not cry.


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F.A.Q.

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Site Director Lois Calder peered under the thin crawlspace beneath the underside of her desk, and thought of the futility of cowering behind the metal, a vain attempt at avoiding the unavoidable. It would have been too small to fully fit underneath, leaving half of her body facing outward, and the desk itself was flimsy. It would collapse in on itself within moments of the drop.
Lois pulled her head back from under the desk, and looked flatly at the terminal, alongside the attached message. She had been supposed to send that same message to everyone in her site, then go and shimmy, pray too, if one were of such faith. Her desk was too small, too flimsy, too cheap to withstand much of anything, how in the hell would an office worker, or the average researcher be able to manage, crawled beneath the folding tables masquerading as high-end workstations? She looked at the email attachment, so close to sending, before again, taking pause to look at it, to fully understand what she'd be sending to everyone who had worked under her.

Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!

Re:SUBJECT

To: SITE DIRECTOR L. CALDER.
From: VERIFIED OVERSEER ACCOUNT
Subject: TO SEND TO ALL SITE PERSONAL

Fate, in all of her heart and strength, had allowed us to commit our lives to the motto that the Foundation itself was built on,- That we will die in the dark, so that you may prevail in the light. Today, we all will die in the darkness.
Throughout our existence, we have conquered and contained everything that the world and the worlds beyond had brought to us. Our containment specialists built nighty cages, our agents extracted abnormalities from far-flung places, were great harm could bring foul to the world and everything in it.
Our thanks extend to everyone at our foundations, our sites, everyone who had shared the message and belief of living in the darkness for the light of mankind. We are not at liberty to disclose what is to occur-, for we do not fully know, but, what will come, will have us in the bleak light. I ask that everyone at any site, to follow the below instructions, as clearly as possible.
Drop immediately, and cover any exposed flesh with clothing, bandages, or fabric. Be sure to cover the face after finishing reading the full instructions. Immediately drop facedown, shield one's entire body against anything that will provide substantial coverage, such as a site-desk, vending machine, or terminal.
Keep eyes closed. Wrap arms tightly across one's torso, and curl legs tightly forward to your stomach. Stay calm, do not panic. Panicking among onselves will do no such good. Check for injury, making sure that no blood is near, nor any exposed flesh, wounds, or bruises are present. Amputate limbs or body parts possessing such scarring.
Prepare the Lord's prayer.
Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name;
Thy kingdom come;
Thy will be done
in earth, as it is in heaven:
Give us this day our daily bread;
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive them that trespass against us;
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil;
For thine is the kingdom,
and the power, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
Amen.

Lois understood the language used. It was both banal and poetic, written like a speech addressed to a crowd after an assassination. It wasn't far off from the current situation. Lois, as did every member of the council, including whoever or whatever had written the notice couldn't have believed anything in it. It was all compliance and gentle placebo. As her stomach ached, skin molting, Lois defied orders, and deleted the message. Without much, if any time, Lois sent a new message to everyone, just before entering her buick, crawling into the backseat, with the engine gently running. Before she closed her eyes, she took another look at the message, hopefully content in its message.

Access SCiPNET Email? One (1) new message!

SCP-001

To: All Site-67 Personal
From: Director Calder
Subject: SCP-001

To all site personal- I have attached the following file for SCP-001. With everything going on, I want you to know the truth, and you deserve the truth.
Item No: SCP-001
Object Class: Within Onself
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001 is self-contained within its object file, and is to be continually contained by reading and acknowledging its object file.
Description: SCP-001 is you, reading this, alongside your life. SCP-001 is everything wonderful in the world, everything that has brought you and your loved ones comfort.
SCP-001 is the first rain after the long summer, bringing forth great harvests, golden wheat, sweet fruit, and great heaps of vegetables, ready to be eaten for feasts big and small, together with loved ones, sharing blessings and goodwill. Remember those moments, spent together, holding hands, saying grace, eating pie, drinking and being merry.
SCP-001 is the birth of your first child, brought into a world that may have had no place for it, until you had arrived to take care and nurture them, providing everything that they had needed and more then they had wanted. The first day of school, first Christmas, first Easter, first Birthday. Growing together, holding close together. Hold them close.
SCP-001 is your first pet, brought home from the pound, from the farm, from the gentleman down the street, from the little store with the bunnies and kittens. Holding them close on the way home, cuddling or gently patting the box, as the car bumped over hills and holes. You welcomed them into your house, had dealt with the highs and lows, through all the biting and attitude, but being able to hold them at the end of the day, gently petting and scratching behind the ears. They're either watching above, waiting for you, counting down the days, or here with you now, gently waiting.
SCP-001 is the time spent at the Foundation, keeping the world safe from things originally thought to have been unstoppable. But you, and all of your friends and fellow workers at Site-67 had made sure that everything will be okay. As it always will be.
SCP-001 is the first instance of kindness shown to you. The moment when someone told that they loved you, that everything will be okay, that everything you've done is for good, and all is well, all is quiet, all is lovely, and is all calm.
SCP-001 is you reading this. And for that, I thank you. Spend time together, with everyone you consider loved. Spend time with your pets. Go out and live the world for as long as you can. And when it comes, do not panic. We'll all be together, so soon. You have all been my favorite memories.

Director Calder closed her eyes, asleep, chest sunken.


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Title: Nobody in Their Right Mind
Image: The image is cropped from this photograph, licensed under CC BY 2.0. It belongs to the NASA Goddard Space Flight Centre.

Nathan wakes up on metal, and sighs.
He gets up and drags himself to the sink. The dull chrome of the walls leers back at him, and he winces. He fumbles for the razor, knocking it off the side. He bites his lip.
He doesn't even like chrome. He doesn't know why he chose it. Boredom, maybe? He waves a hand and brings up the options menu. Red is a bit strong. Black reminds him of his grunge phase in Houston.
He chooses green, and immediately regrets it. He, Vin and Haley got into the absinthe last night; the colour green makes his head swim. He waves again and switches back to chrome. Good old chrome. You know where you are with it.
He glances at the time. An hour until his shift. He pours some coffee and looks at the mattress that had slipped to the floor. Orizones are all style over substance; the beds are little more than raised bumps, nothing holding the mattress in place. All you need is to drunkenly knock into it and fall over awkwardly and…
He walks over to the window. Below him, hundreds of miles away, was home, and the stars burnt all around.

Lunch is at 13.00 sharp, and consists of a supposedly synthetic protein paste or, if you're vegetarian, a quinoa salad. The union insisted on a vegetarian option despite Orizones' official line that the protein paste is both meat-free and kosher. Everyone picks the vegetarian option.
Nathan rubs his head. He swears to himself that he'll never drink absinthe again. He sees Haley give him a weak grin from across the canteen, and tries to grin back, but he just can't muster the energy. He walks over to the counter. "Salad, please."
"Ain't got none." Marjorie is on the counter today. Marjorie does not like Nathan. Nathan does actually quite like Marjorie, but feels oddly like that would annoy her more.
"The union said- "
"The union didn't plan for Orizones trying to save money by merging the Ambassador's visit with the next food drop. We're out of quinoa. So take a protein pack and get out of my face."
Nathan frowned. "I'll tell Adri-"
"Tell Adrian anything and I'll get you thrown off this station quicker than you can say "quinoa". Eat your damn paste."
Nathan lets her dollop the paste onto his tray. He can feel Haley's eyes on him. He feels an itch to go over there. It drags on him, wanting him, luring him.
He looks out of the window. The Earth glows green.

Hours bleed into days bled into months. Shifts are all the same, a single moment in time with endless variations. Nathan almost likes them. He holds the metal frames in his hand, feels their weight, repeats actions again and again and again as the construction continues. Slowly, the project is coming together. It provides a space where the rules are different.
After his shift, he sometimes goes back to his room and reads, sometimes watches an on film. He has a fondness for German expressionist films of the 20s. He tries not to think about why. Occasionally he goes drinking with Haley and Vin. He doesn't really like them, but he can pretend he has something like a life. He feels like he doesn't have to try so hard. He doesn't have to think about the future, or make plans, or live for anything else.
At night, in the dark, he repeats the mantra they told him to repeat. "I am Nathan Bridges. I am Nathan Bridges. I am Nathan Bridges." Predictably, it does nothing for him.

The Ambassador's ship is a sleek, gold-and-trim affair. The details of his visit are unimportant; New York State demanded the right to regular checkups in exchange for its share of the funds, a privilege they occasionally took advantage of. What matters is that all the workers on the Orizones Sky Forum stand to attention, fitted out in crisp and neat rows of uniforms.
The door to the ship opens slowly. The Ambassador walks out, equally slowly. He is a caricature. He holds a black cane tipped with silver and wears a fur coat over a pinstripe suit. He is a fan of retro styles; Nathan, who is intimately familiar with the twentieth century, represses a snigger.
The Ambassador doesn't so much as glance at any of them. He moves straight towards the Captain, smiling unctuously. The Captain's face retains its steady, military blankness. The Ambassador opens his mouth.
"Salome! So lovely to see you again."
The Captain doesn't so much as blink. "As per the Potsdam Protocol, you will refer to me as Captain or Captain Le Comte."
The Ambassador smiles wider. His molars are visible. Nathan wants to move, but he stays where he is. He likes the Captain; she follows the rules. He knows where he stands with her.
The conversation changes; a series of bland, official greetings and carefully veiled statements. The Captain looks more and more tired; her resolve seems to slip slightly. Then the Ambassador relents, waving a hand, and introducing each of his clerks and inspectors in turn. Nathan switches off, and thinks about nothing at all.
"And this is Herr Obermeyer, from our Berlin consulate."
Nathan snaps awake. His eyes shoot up. A thin man in a black suit is staring right at him, rigid with shock.

There is no point in expensive amnestics for every case any more. They are used sparingly. Nathan remembers the day perfectly. It was sunny, it was seven years ago, and the four of them were sitting in a bar in Soho. They had beers, except Sarah, who was only thirteen and had a milkshake.
She hadn't wanted the milkshake. Why was that the detail that stuck in Nathan's mind? But Lou had said that it was the best milkshake this side of the Mississippi, if the place was still using the old recipe. So she'd ordered one to make him happy, and she'd liked it, and they'd all laughed, and they knew they wouldn't be seeing each other again.
But Fritz hadn't laughed. And now he's looking out of the window, staring at the red and white fire of the sun.
"Nice place."
Fritz had never laughed. He had looked up with frightened, hunted eyes. He had been like a rabbit. They'd all tried to get to know him, but he had resisted. They hadn't been able to understand him.
Nathan watched him sit down on a chair, continually staring at the sun. It was safe behind the window, but it could still be intense. Fritz must have been - what, thirty now? Thirty-two? He'd never said when he was born. He must be the last man from his century still walking.
"So you work for the Ambassador." It wasn't much of a statement, but Nathan couldn't think of what to say.
Fritz nodded a few too many times. "Yes! Yes. It's good money. The work keeps me busy. Keeps me focused. Gives me a - a task to do."
Nathan sighed. "Why didn't you keep in touch, man? The rest of us did. What was up with you?"
Fritz didn't answer. He winced, and looked down. He seemed defeated. He didn't want to be here.
The question had been cruel, and Nathan had known the answer. It was the same reason he hadn't spoken to Sarah in four years and Lou in six.

In 1969, Nobody was walking down a sidewalk in Iowa, staring at the corn fields. Some little part of him felt a wave of nostalgia, but he didn't understand why. So he found a barn and sat in the hay and thought, and remembered another wheat field in Europe, so long ago. He hadn't realised he could feel nostalgia for past lives. It had almost hurt, so he'd moved on.
In 2003, Nobody had dragged his slowly dying body to a gas station in Montana. It was winter. The roads were cold. He was out of time. It was foggy all around, and he'd thought of Berlin, and the young American officer, and the Man with his fucking hunting rifle, and he'd stared upwards and laughed, because it had happened to him and it had never happened.
The Man in the White Suit had remembered too, at different times, in different places. He remembered shooting an arrow in a Hungarian wheatfield, the hatred he'd felt for this death-stalker. He hadn't known why, at the time. That took much longer. And he remembered Berlin, too. He remembered the fog. He remembered the pain in his kneecaps and the cold of the grave.
Other memories were there too. 1970, Ohio, a fight where both were convinced of their righteousness. A hotel in - God, when was that? The 2020s? 10s? He'd been in two bodies, trading banter, manipulating each other.
It froths around in their heads, every day. You always felt out of your age, out of time - and yet, you also didn't. Every second they look at each other -

"- it just reminds me of what I am. Nobody and the Man were mortal enemies, and yet I was both of them. I am you, Nathan, I am Sarah, I am bits and pieces of everything I ever passed through, and… and how can we go on?"
He is in tears. He stares down at the chrome floor.
Nathan doesn't know what to say. He feels the same thing. He didn't leave the world behind and travel on a death machine into space for no reason. He remembers, as they all did, what it was like to be the Man, to be Nobody, to be a husk, to be Nathan Bridges. He can't tell which one he is any more. They all parade past like masks on mannequins.
"Why'd you have to resist?" Fritz is staring at him, hissing his words. "Why? We - I - I was dead. I was dead on the ground, nameless and unknowable, on the floor outside my flat. I was done. What was left of me belonged to the Man and to Nobody and - and the task was never done. Forever. I had purpose, Nathan. I was - "
"You were nothing. Now you are someone. I don't know who it is, Fritz, but it's better than that. It has to be."
Nathan had barely been aware that he spoke. Fritz is weeping fully now, ugly tears falling to the floor.
Nathan walks over to him and hugs him, because he doesn't know what else to do. He doesn't know what else there is. The sun glows through the window, and the room looks like it's burning.

Fritz calms down, and sits back down. Nathan pulls away. "Are you going to be alright?"
Fritz looks up at him with bloodshot eyes. "Do you know what it is like? Being out of time? Being untethered, and yet not?
"We all do." The walls are silver but the sun reflects off every surface, refracting into the corners, bringing them to the light. Had he snapped at Fritz just then? He doesn't know. His mind swirls and heaves as memories are called up to him. Wrestling with a man in a white suit on a farm. A hotel room, holding two beers, talking to a girl with an ice-cream cake. Wandering America in the spring - who had he been, then?
"I can't do it, Nathan." He turns to Fritz, and considers him. So lost, so far from home. His mind works in such different ways; flags, empires, kings and nations. He tries so hard, but he doesn't understand anyone.
"Who were your parents, Fritz?" He feels the words coming out like a man possessed. Fritz stiffens, and relaxes. He licks his lips. He stutters.
"Herr and Frau Obermeyer. We lived in Bavaria. I went back there, but it's all built over now."
"What was it like?"
"It was… green. There was a river running through it. Deer in the park. A herd of cows."
"Did you even think of my childhood? Or Lou's? Sarah's? The rag and bone man in his toddler's suit? No. You thought of Fritz Obermeyer's."
Fritz had stopped crying. He sat there, looking dazed. Nathan smiled at him. "We all want to be something we're not. That's why we were all taken. But if we're only splinters, so is everyone else. We just took the long way around."
Fritz shook his head. "It's not - what's the point of me?"
"You don't need one." Nathan hadn't talked like this in years. He could feel parts of the others inside him, swirling in his mind, giving him the words. "What else is there? You're more than the task at hand."
It was a corny line, but that was the point. Fritz just closed his eyes, but Nathan knew he'd be OK. There didn't have to be a grand plan, an artful ending. Just the march of life.

Fritz laughs and smiles like Nathan has never known him to. He comes by every night that week. He seems to crave the company. They talk about German expressionist films. They talk about work, the merits of each other's jobs. Sometimes they remember travelling the road when they were - well, not when they were Louie, but someone like him.
One night, Fritz talks about the war. He doesn't talk about guns or death. His voice goes strange, archaic, as he talks about the boredom. The waiting. The itch when you see death firing at you from across No Man's Land.
"Apt name," laughs Nathan. Fritz smiles weakly.
"We had to find ways to cope, all of us. Alcohol, for a lot of people. Some threw themselves into their military role. Others found little obsessions to while away the time. And there were always those who were just resilient."
"What was yours?"
Fritz shoots him a look. "Me? I… focused on the present. It's what I always did - "
" - even when you were Nobody. Yeah." Nathan takes a swig of beer.
They sit in silence for a while, feeling the spin of the station. The hum of the engine whines through the room. Nathan considers changing the walls to brown.
"The world hasn't gone yet. Even though Nobody has."
Nathan shakes his head. "Oh, he's probably found another way to fix things up. Maybe even a humane one. He must still be out there, right? Flying through whatever mess of names and systems we all did before the Man stitched our identities to him."
Fritz shudders. "And now he's gone. We're not him, are we? One splinter, bigger than the others? Sometimes I wake up and think I still am."
Nathan lets his arms fall back and relaxes, feeling the warmth around him. It feels so solid tonight. He imagines himself suspended, on an axis in time and space, floating in perpetual stasis. He is one and whole and always has been. And then he moves, and stops, and starts, and changes forever and ever,
"I am Nathan Bridges," he says, smiling. Fritz smiles too, remembering.
"And I am Fritz Obermeyer."

And the Ambassador leaves, as all such visits must. Fritz and Nathan says their goodbyes, and one steps onto a ship of trim and gold and flies back down to reality.
Nathan watches from the window. The ship becomes tiny, fleeting. Eventually, it's just a glimmer, but his mind still conjures up its form.
He turns away. He sees Haley and Vin. Maybe he'll go drinking with them tonight; maybe not. It doesn't matter. He thinks of the books in his room and the colours of the walls. He thinks of protein paste and antimatter, cold nights on the Ohio River and colder ones in New Portland. He flexes his fingers and wonders where Lou and Sarah are. He should get back in touch.
Bones turn to dust outside Potsdam. An old house is silent in Longmont. The sky shines, and the night moves on. Radio towers call over great distances; computers flash in the dimming rays of the sun. Nobody can remember them all.

The Man Who Wasn't There

The Man In The White Suit

Hub
Hello, My Name Isn't
Chiaroscuro
Nobody, Nobody, Nobody, and Nobody's Encounters with The Man in the White Suit
SCP-5353 -- Does Anyone Remember Fritz Obermeyer?
Everyday Is Somebody's Birthday
SCP-5877 -- Nobodies
Ghosts in the Machine
Files intercepted from Anderson Systems personnel
SCP-5375 -- Nobody and the Name Machine
Epilogue:
→ Nobody in Their Right Mind ←
Bonus
Nobody's Observations on Rejected Nobody Applications