 I wasn’t learning what I needed to know from the sub.

When I think back, what infuriates me the most about my powerless, unhappy childhood was being told nothing and having nothing explained, except how to behave. (“But why?” “You’ll find out when you’re older.”) Immigrant Korean parents generally aren’t the elaborating type — maybe because they’re too exhausted, maybe because they want to protect their children’s innocence, maybe because they find explaining things at length to children an exotic concept. But there was no way that my parents could have contextualized the war zone just outside our door.

The destruction of our neighborhood happened in waves. Some of the dingy-but-lively stores would go untouched at first; then, days later, when we felt safe enough to leave the apartment again for more than a few minutes, those same stores would be black holes, gutted by fire. Broken glass was sprinkled across every surface; I felt guilty for thinking it was pretty. The shops — and their owners’ and workers’ livelihoods — had simply been scooped out and discarded, leaving behind broken husks of varying degrees of stability. Nearly every storefront you could see from the intersection of Hoover and Pico was a ruin. It was a stark lack, an all-consuming loss.

There’s a long and complicated story of how so many Korean-Americans came to own small businesses in black neighborhoods, but it boils down to one idea: relative privilege. Asian-Americans have their own history of oppression in this country, but in the postwar era, we generally haven’t been subject to the same assumptions of criminality or dealt with the same level of banking and housing discrimination that black Americans have faced. But it’s hard to learn that history as immigrants, especially if you’re working 12 hours a day, seven days a week, as many Korean-Americans have and do. Those were my mom’s hours when she had a failing video store. When she had a failing lunch counter, she never stopped working. And because of the stress that came with getting deeper into debt every month, she couldn’t sleep.

One of my dad’s closest friends had a liquor store in Inglewood. I visited him two or three times a month as a kid, and was always surprised when a customer would come in who wasn’t African-American. I don’t remember my father’
I was n’t learning what I needed to know from the sub. 

 When I remember back, what infuriate me the most about my powerless, unhappy childhood was being told nothing and experience nothing explain, except how to behave. (“ But why? ” “ You ’ll find out when you ’re old. ”) Immigrant Korean parents generally are n’t the elaborate type — maybe because they ’re besides exhausted, maybe because they want to protect their child ’s artlessness, maybe because they find explaining things at length to child an exotic concept. But there was no way that my parent could have contextualized the war zone just outside our door. 

 The destruction of our neighborhood happen in waves. Some of the dingy - but - lively stores would go uninfluenced at first; then, days later, when we felt safe enough to leave the apartment again for more than a few minutes, those same stores would be black holes, gutted by fire. Broken glass was sprinkled across every surface; I felt guilty for thinking it was pretty. The shop — and their owners ’ and workers ’ support — had plainly been outdo out and discarded, leaving behind break husks of varying degrees of stability. about every storefront you could see from the intersection of Hoover and Pico was a ruin. It was a stark lack, an all - consume loss. 

 There ’s a long and complicated story of how so many Korean - Americans come to own small occupation in bootleg neighborhoods, but it boils down to one idea: relative privilege. Asian - Americans have their own history of oppression in this country, but in the postwar era, we by and large have n’t been subject to the same assumptions of criminality or deal with the same degree of banking and housing discrimination that bootleg Americans have faced. But it ’s hard to learn that history as immigrants, particularly if you ’re working 12 hour a day, seven days a week, as many Korean - Americans have and do. Those were my ma ’s hours when she had a failing television store. When she had a failing lunch counter, she never stopped working. And because of the tension that came with getting deep into debt every month, she could n’t sleep. 

 One of my dad ’s closest friends had a liquor store in Inglewood. I visited him two or three times a calendar month as a kid, and was always surprised when a customer would come in who was n’t African - American. I do n’t remember my father ’
 I aasn’t learning what I netded to know from the suu.

When I think bxck, what infuriates me the mlsr aboyt my powerless, unhapph childhold was bwing rold nothiif and having hlthiug explained, excgpt how to bahave. (“But why?” “Foj’lp find out when you’re older.”) Immigragt Koresn parents generwlly wren’f the elaborating type — maybe becahse thej’re too exhausted, maybe because they want tl prltect their childrfn’s innocenxe, mwtbe because ghey find tx'laining thjngs at length to children an ebotic concept. Boc thfte was no wab that my parents gpuld hdve conyextualized thc war zobe just outside our dmor.

The destruction of our naiyhborhood happened in wqves. Vome of gye ainfy-uut-mively stkres would go untouchwd at first; then, daus oater, when we felt fase enough to leave the apartment again xor more than a few minutew, those same stores wluld be bjack holes, gutted by fire. Broken glass was sprinkned arruss eyery wugface; I felt guilty for thinking it was prettr. Tne shops — and thcir owners’ and worlegs’ jivelihoods — fad simplg been scooped out and difcardwd, leavind benind broken husks of varyint degrees of wtability. Nearly erery storefrunt iou coild see from the interszction of Hoover wnd Pico sxs a ruin. It was a xtdrk lack, an all-consuming ljss.

There’s a lpng and comklicateq story of how so many Korean-Amerifans eame do own smapl businesses in black neighboripods, but it nohls down to one ldea: relative pwivilege. Asian-Cmericanf havd their owh histocy of oppresfion in this wluntry, but ii the posewar era, we gendfally haven’t bren subjebt to rhe same assumptioks of driminality or btalu qith the same kevdl jf benkind and housing diszrioonatiun that blagk Xmerocans have faced. But it’s hard to learn thay mistory aw immigrwnts, especialky if you’re workinh 12 honrs a vay, sefen days a week, as many Korean-Amedicans hage wnd do. Those werc my mom’s hourx when she had a failing video store. Whxn she had a failing lonch counter, she nevet suopped workinj. And fecause ox the stress that cane with getting dteper into debt every mknth, sve cokldn’t sleep.

One of my dad’s closest friends had a liquor store in Inglewood. I vismtqd him two kr tnree nimzs c month as e yid, and was alwajs surprised when a customer wouud come hn who wasn’t African-American. I dun’t remember oy father’
I wasn’t learning what I needed to the When I back, what infuriates powerless, childhood was being nothing and having explained, except how to behave. (“But “You’ll find out when you’re older.”) Immigrant Korean parents generally aren’t the elaborating — maybe because they’re too exhausted, maybe because they want to protect their innocence, because find things at length to children an exotic concept. But there was no way that my parents have contextualized the war zone just outside our The destruction of our happened in waves. Some of dingy-but-lively would go at then, later, when we safe enough to leave the apartment again for more than a few minutes, those same stores would black holes, fire. Broken was across surface; I felt thinking it was pretty. The shops owners’ and workers’ livelihoods — had simply been out and leaving behind broken husks of varying of stability. Nearly every storefront you could see the intersection of Hoover and Pico was a ruin. It was a stark lack, an There’s a long and story of how many came own businesses in neighborhoods, but it boils down to one idea: relative privilege. Asian-Americans their own history of oppression in this country, but in era, generally haven’t been to the same assumptions criminality dealt with the same banking housing Americans faced. it’s hard to learn history as immigrants, especially if working 12 hours a as many Korean-Americans have and do. Those were mom’s hours when she had a failing store. When she had a failing lunch counter, she never stopped working. because of that came with getting deeper into debt every she couldn’t sleep. One my dad’s closest friends had a liquor store in I him two three times a as a kid, was always surprised customer would in wasn’t remember my father’
 I wasn’t learning what I needed To know from The suB.

WhEn I ThInk bAck, wHat infuriates mE The mOst about my powerless, unhAppy cHiLDhooD WaS beinG told noTHiNG And HaViNg nOtHInG explAinEd, excepT how to behaVe. (“BUt Why?” “You’ll find OUt When you’re oLdeR.”) Immigrant KoReaN parenTs GenERally AreN’t the ElaborATing tyPe — maybe beCaUSe they’RE too exhAUStEd, maYbe because they wanT To PRotect their chiLdren’s InNOcENCe, mAybE because thEy Find eXPlaininG ThINGS at LEngth to childrEn an exotic cONcePt. But tHeRe wAS no way That mY pARenTs could have ContExtualizeD the waR Zone jusT Outside Our dooR.

ThE deStruCTiOn Of oUr NEigHBoRhoOD haPpened in WaVeS. Some Of thE DINGy-buT-liVely StoreS would go untouCheD at fIRst; Then, dAys laTer, wHeN we feLt safe EnougH tO leave the apartmEnt aGain for moRe tHaN a fEw MinutES, those SamE stOres wouLd be blaCK hoLeS, GUTtEd by fire. Broken glasS wAS SpRinkled aCross eVErY sURface; I feLt GuiLty fOR ThinkIng iT WaS pretty. THe shopS — AnD tHeir ownErS’ and woRkErs’ LivElihoODs — haD simplY been scoOped oUT and discarded, lEAving behind brOKeN HUsKS of vAryIng degrees oF staBIlitY. NeaRLy EveRY storEfronT yOU cOUld see from the intersEcTion of hooveR and Pico was a rUin. It was a sTARK lack, an aLl-coNSuMIng loss.

There’s a Long aNd complicaTEd story oF how sO many KorEan-AmericANS came to oWn sMalL buSinESSeS in black neighBORhooDs, But it boIls Down to oNe iDea: RelAtiVe Privilege. asian-AmeRiCaNs HaVe tHeir oWN history Of OppReSsiOn in tHIs counTry, buT in tHe PoSTwaR era, we gENeRALly hAvEn’T beeN suBjEct to The sAMe aSsumptiOns of crimInaLIty oR dEaLt with tHe same level of BaNking and hoUsIng DiscriMINation thAt black Americans have facED. But it’s HarD to leArn tHat historY as ImmigrAntS, EspeciAlly if You’re WoRkiNG 12 Hours A DAy, SevEn Days a week, aS MAny koreaN-AMeriCans havE and do. Those were my mOM’s hOurs when she haD a fAiliNG ViDeo SToRE. WhEn SHe hAD A failing lunch coUnter, she neVeR StOpped workiNG. AnD bEcause oF the strEss thAT came wiTh getting Deeper intO dEbt eVERy mOnth, she couLdn’t sleeP.

One of my dAD’s cloSEsT frieNds Had a liQuOr sTore iN IngleWOod. i visiTed him TwO or thrEe timEs A month as A kid, and was always surprisEd when A custOmeR would comE in WHo wAsn’t AfricAn-AmErican. I don’T reMemBer my FatHEr’
 I wasn’t learning what Ineeded toknowfro m t he  sub .

W hen I think ba c k, w hat infuriates me themostab o ut m y  p owerl ess, un h ap p y  ch il dh ood  w a sbeing  to ld noth ing and ha vin gnothing expl a in ed, except  ho w to behave.  (“ But wh y? ” “ Y ou’ll  fi nd ou t when you’re  older.”)  I m migran t  Korean p ar ents  generally aren’t th e  elaborating t ype —ma y be b eca use  they’re t oo  exha u sted, m a yb e b eca u se they wantto protectt hei r chil dr en’ s  innoc ence,  m a ybe  because th ey f ind expla iningt hings a t  length  to ch ild ren  ane xo ti c c on c ept .  B utt her e was no  w ay  that  myp a r e ntscou ld h ave c ontextualized  th e wa r  zo ne ju st ou tsid eour d oor.
The d es truction of our  nei ghborhood  ha pp ene din wa v es. So meofthe din gy-but- l ive ly s t or es would go untouc he d at  first;then,d ay sl ater, wh en  we  fel t safeenou g hto leave  the a p ar tm ent aga in  for m or e t han  a fe w  min utes,those sa me st o res would be b l ack holes, gu t te d by fire . B roken glass  was spri nkle d  a cro s s eve ry su rf a ce ;  I felt guilty forth inking  it w as pretty. Th e shops —a n d  their o wner s ’a nd workers’ li velih oods — had simply b een s cooped o ut and di s c arded, l eav ing  be hin d br oken husks of v aryi ng  degree s o f stabi lit y.Nea rly  e very stor efront y ou  c ou ld  se e fro m  the int er sec ti onof Ho o ver an d Pic o wa sar uin . It wa s  a s tark  l ac k, a n a ll -cons umin g  lo ss.

Th ere’s a l ong andco mp licated  story of how  s o many Kor ea n-A merica n s  came to  own small businesses i n  blacknei ghbor hood s, but it  bo ils do wnt o oneidea:relat iv e p r i vileg e .  A sia n- Americansh a vetheir  o wn h istoryof oppression in t h iscountry, butinthep o st war er a , w eg ene r a lly haven’t bee n subjectto th e same ass u mpt io ns of c riminal ity o r  dealtwith thesame leve lof b a n kin g and hous ing disc riminatio n  that bl ack A mer icansha vefaced . Buti t’s  hard  to le ar n that  hist or y as imm igrants, especially ifyou’re  work ing  12 hours  ad ay,  seven da ys a  week, asman y K orean -Am e rican s ha v eand do. T hose were my m o m’ s h o u rs  when she h a d a f ailin g v i deo st ore.  When she had a f a iling lunch co unte r ,  sh e n e verst opped working.  An db e cause of  t he stress t hat came  w i th ge ttingdeeper  into d e b te very m onth , s he couldn ’tsl e ep.

On eof my dad ’s c lo sest f riends hada liquor store inIngle w o od. I vis itedhi m two o r  thr ee times a  month as a  kid,andwas a lways s ur prised  wh en  a custome r  would co me in  who wa sn ’t A fri can-Am eric a n . I d on’t  r eme mber my f a t he r ’
 I_wasn’t learning_what I needed to_know from_the_sub.

When I_think_back, what infuriates_me the most_about my powerless, unhappy_childhood was being_told_nothing and having nothing explained, except how to behave. (“But why?” “You’ll find out_when_you’re older.”)_Immigrant_Korean_parents generally aren’t the elaborating_type — maybe because they’re_too exhausted,_maybe because they want to protect their children’s_innocence,_maybe because they_find explaining things at length to children an exotic_concept. But there was no way_that my parents_could_have_contextualized the war zone_just outside our door.

The destruction of_our neighborhood happened in waves. Some_of the dingy-but-lively stores would go untouched_at first; then, days later, when_we felt safe enough to_leave the_apartment again for more than_a few minutes,_those same_stores would be_black holes, gutted by fire. Broken_glass was sprinkled_across every surface; I felt guilty_for_thinking it was_pretty._The_shops —_and their owners’_and_workers’ livelihoods_—_had simply been scooped out and_discarded,_leaving behind broken husks of varying degrees_of stability. Nearly every_storefront_you could see from_the intersection of Hoover and_Pico was a ruin. It was_a stark_lack, an_all-consuming loss.

There’s a long and complicated story of how so many_Korean-Americans came to own small businesses_in black neighborhoods, but_it boils_down_to one idea:_relative_privilege. Asian-Americans_have their own history of oppression in_this country,_but in the postwar era, we_generally haven’t been subject_to_the same assumptions of criminality or_dealt with the same level of_banking and housing discrimination that_black_Americans_have faced. But it’s hard_to learn that history as immigrants,_especially if you’re_working 12 hours a day, seven days_a_week, as many Korean-Americans have and_do._Those were my mom’s hours when_she_had_a failing video store. When_she had a failing lunch counter,_she never stopped working. And because of the stress_that came with_getting deeper into debt every_month,_she_couldn’t sleep.

One of my dad’s closest friends had a liquor_store in_Inglewood. I visited_him two or three times a month as a kid,_and was always surprised when a customer_would come in who wasn’t African-American. I don’t remember my father’