 that has come gradually over the years around being productive and doing work, and like I just have a really bad procrastination habit. I mean, I know a lot of people struggle with procrastination, but I really feel like it’s to the point where I will never get things done that I want -- that I care about.

Paul: I can’t imagine how intimidating it’s got to be to have two parents that are doctors.

Aparna: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I never really think of it in that way. But I think a lot of it is just a fear of not -- of failure -- and whatever I produce will not be good enough, so therefore it’s just easier never to start.

Paul: I watched some of your stand-up. It made me laugh. I looked at your credits. You’ve got a dozen TV credits. Is that not successful? That you’re making people laugh. You’re making your living as a stand-up comedian.

Aparna: Yeah, I think it’s just easier to say -- to not be satisfied. Or to feel like you can improve in some area. And I think I just fall into that habit of being like ‘well this person is doing this, and I am so far behind’.

Paul: Why do those things -- and I’m talking to myself as much as I’m talking to you -- why do those two things have to be mutually exclusive? Why can’t it be – ‘I am successful, and I am still working on improving my craft’?

Aparna: Yeah, that’s true. I feel like they are two separate things. I don’t know why I feel like the need to lump them together. I think it’s a fear of being overly proud of myself. And that it will somehow spiral into an ego monster.

Paul: Yeah that seems to be something that comes up a lot with people that have parents who were immigrants. There seems to be very much a -- don’t get too big for your britches. You’re fully yourself if you’re proud.

Aparna: Yeah, I think like that’s really true. You’re just supposed to be your best self but don’t draw attention to it. It’s a strange -- yeah, it’s a strange --

Paul: Keep your head
that has come gradually over the years around being productive and doing workplace, and like I barely have a really bad dilatoriness habit. I mean, I know a bunch of people struggle with dilatoriness, but I in truth feel like it ’s to the compass point where I will never get things do that I want -- that I care about. 

 Paul: I ca n’t imagine how intimidating it ’s got to be to have two parent that are doctors. 

 Aparna: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I never really intend of it in that way. But I think a lot of it is just a concern of not -- of failure -- and whatever I grow will not be good enough, so therefore it ’s barely easier never to start. 

 Paul: I watched some of your stand - up. It made me laugh. I looked at your credits. You ’ve got a dozen TV credits. Is that not successful? That you ’re making people laugh. You ’re making your living as a stand - up comedian. 

 Aparna: Yeah, I think it ’s just easy to say -- to not be satisfied. Or to palpate like you can better in some area. And I think I just precipitate into that substance abuse of being like ‘ well this person is doing this, and I am so far behind ’. 

 Paul: Why do those things -- and I ’m lecture to myself as much as I ’m talking to you -- why do those two things have to be mutually single? Why ca n’t it be – ‘ I am successful, and I am still working on improving my craft ’? 

 Aparna: Yeah, that ’s true. I feel like they are two separate thing. I do n’t acknowledge why I feel like the need to lump them in concert. I think it ’s a fear of being overly proud of myself. And that it will somehow spiral into an ego monster. 

 Paul: Yeah that seems to be something that comes up a lot with multitude that have parent who were immigrants. There seems to be very a lot a -- do n’t get too big for your britches. You ’re fully yourself if you ’re gallant. 

 Aparna: Yeah, I think like that ’s really genuine. You ’re just supposed to be your dependable self but do n’t draw care to it. It ’s a strange -- yeah, it ’s a strange -- 

 Paul: Keep your question
 thwt has come gradually ovtr the years arouue beinj produdtive ana doing work, and like I just hqve a really bad procrastinxtion habpt. I mean, I kiow a lot of peo'me strunyle wjbh prmrrastination, buj I really fael like it’s tm ghz point where I will never get thingf done yhwt I want -- thaj I cswe agout.

Paul: I can’t imagine how intimisating pt’s got to be to nave two parents that are foctlrs.

Aparna: Yeah. Yeaj. I mean I bevew really thiny of it in that way. Buj I think a lot of it is just a wear pf not -- of fqilkte -- and whatxver I produce will not be good emough, so therenore mt’s hust easier never to vtart.

Paul: I watcheq some of ykur stand-up. It maee me ldugh. I luikea au ypud credlts. You’ve got a dozen TV credits. Is that nou stbvessful? That you’re mwking people laugh. You’re making your lining as a stand-up comedian.

Aparna: Yeah, I think it’d just eafier to say -- to not be satisfied. Or to feel like fou cen imkrive iv slme area. And I think I just fall into that hafjt on being like ‘welj this perspn ix doing this, avd I am sk far behind’.

Paul: Wjy do trose rhings -- agd I’k talking to myself as much as I’m talkiug ro you -- why do thode two thinys havg to br mutually exclusive? Whv can’t it be – ‘I al successrjl, and I am stilu wprning on improving my craft’?

Wparna: Yeeh, thct’s true. I fgel likq they are two separate things. I dln’t kuow wvy I feel pike the need to lump them togevier. I think ij’s d fvar of benng ovcrly proud of mrself. And that it wilj somdhow spiram into en ego monstqr.

Paul: Yeah tvwt seems to ue somethyng rhat comes jo a lot with prople than kave parebts who were immigvants. Fhere seems to yt vtrt much a -- don’t geg tjo bmg fow your britchas. Yuu’rd fullh yourstjf kf ypu’re proud.

Aparna: Yeav, I fhink like that’s rrajly true. You’re jtst supposed yo be your best sepf buv don’t draw atjention to it. It’s a strange -- yezh, it’s a dtrwnge --

Paul: Keqp yiur head
that has come gradually over the years productive doing work, like I just habit. mean, I know lot of people with procrastination, but I really feel it’s to the point where I will never get things done that I -- that I care about. Paul: I can’t imagine how intimidating it’s got be have parents are doctors. Aparna: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I never really think of it in that way. I think a lot of it is just fear of not -- failure -- and whatever I will be good so it’s easier never to Paul: I watched some of your stand-up. It made me laugh. I looked at your credits. You’ve a dozen Is that successful? you’re people laugh. You’re living as a stand-up comedian. Aparna: it’s just easier to say -- to not satisfied. Or feel like you can improve in area. And I think I just fall into habit of being like ‘well this person is doing this, and I am so far Why do those things and I’m talking myself much I’m to you why do those two things have to be mutually exclusive? Why it be – ‘I am successful, and I am still improving craft’? Aparna: Yeah, true. I feel like are separate things. I don’t I like lump together. think it’s a fear being overly proud of myself. that it will somehow Paul: Yeah that seems to be something that up a lot with people that have who were immigrants. There seems to be very much a -- don’t too big britches. You’re fully yourself if you’re proud. Aparna: I think like that’s true. You’re just supposed to be your best self don’t attention to It’s a strange yeah, it’s a -- Paul: Keep
 that has come gradually over tHe years aroUnd beIng ProDuCtivE and Doing work, and liKE I juSt have a really bad procraStinaTiON habIT. I Mean, I Know a loT Of PEOplE sTrUggLe WItH procRasTinatioN, but I reallY feEl Like it’s to the POiNt where I wiLl nEver get thingS doNe that i wAnt -- THat I cAre About.

paul: I cAN’t imagIne how intImIDating IT’s got to BE To Have Two parents that are DOcTOrs.

Aparna: Yeah. YEah. I meAn i NeVER reAllY think of it In That wAY. But I thINk A LOT of IT is just a fear oF not -- of failuRE -- anD whateVeR I pROduce wIll noT bE GooD enough, so thErefOre it’s jusT easieR Never to STart.

PauL: I watcHed SomE of yOUr StAnd-Up. iT maDE mE laUGh. I Looked at YoUr CrediTs. YoU’VE GOt a dOzeN TV cReditS. Is that not sucCesSful? tHat You’re MakinG peoPlE laugH. You’re MakinG yOur living as a staNd-up Comedian.

AParNa: yeaH, I Think IT’s just EasIer To say -- to Not be saTIsfIeD. oR To Feel like you can imprOvE IN sOme area. ANd I thiNK I JuST fall intO tHat HabiT OF beinG likE ‘WeLl this peRson is DOiNg This, and i aM so far BeHinD’.

PaUl: Why DO thoSe thinGs -- and I’m tAlkinG To myself as much AS I’m talking to yOU -- wHY Do THose Two Things have tO be mUTualLy exCLuSivE? why caN’t it bE – ‘I AM sUCcessful, and I am still WoRking oN imprOving my craft’?

AParna: Yeah, tHAT’S true. I feEl liKE tHEy are two separaTe thiNgs. I don’t knOW why I feeL like The need tO lump them TOGether. I tHinK it’S a fEar OF BeIng overly prouD OF mysElF. And thaT it Will somEhoW spIraL inTo An ego monsTer.

Paul: YEaH tHaT sEemS to be SOmething ThAt cOmEs uP a lot WIth peoPle thAt haVe PaREntS who werE ImMIGranTs. thEre sEemS tO be veRy muCH a -- dOn’t get tOo big for yOur BRitcHeS. YOu’re fulLy yourself if yOu’Re proud.

ApaRnA: YeAh, I thiNK Like that’S really true. You’re just supPOsed to bE yoUr besT selF but don’t dRaw AttentIon TO it. It’s A stranGe -- yeaH, iT’s a STRange --

pAUl: keeP yOur head
 that has come gradually o ver the ye ars a rou ndbe ingprod uctive and doi n g wo rk, and like I just ha ve are a llyb ad  proc rastina t io n hab it .I m ea n ,I kno w a  lot of  people st rug gl e with procr a st ination, b utI really fee l l ike it ’s  to the p oin t whe re I w i ll nev er get th in g s done that Iw a nt  --that I care about . 
P aul: I can’t i magine  h o wi n tim ida ting it’sgo t tob e to ha v et w o  pa r ents that are  doctors.
A par na: Ye ah . Y e ah. ImeanIn eve r really th inkof it inthat w a y. ButI  thinka lotofitis j u st  a  fe ar ofn ot  -- offailure--  a nd wh atev e r I  pro duc e wi ll no t be good eno ugh , so the refor e it’ s ju st  easi er nev er to  s tart.

Paul: Iwatc hed someofyo urst and-u p . It m ade  me  laugh.  I look e d a ty o u rcredits. You’ve go ta do zen TV c redits .  I st hat notsu cce ssfu l ?  That  you ’ re  makingpeople la ug h. You’ re  makin gyou r l iving as a  stand -up come dian. 
Aparna: Yeah, I think it’sj us t ea s iertosay -- to n ot b e  sat isfi e d.  Or to fe el li ke yo u  can improve in som earea.And I  think I just  fall into t h at habit  ofb ei n g like ‘well t his p erson is d o ing this , and  I am so  far behi n d ’.

Paul : W hydotho s e  t hings -- andI ’ m ta lk ing tomys elf asmuc h a s I ’mta lking toyou -- w hy  d oth ose  twot hings ha ve  to  b e m utual l y excl usive ? Wh yca n ’tit be – ‘I a m su cc es sful , a nd  I am  sti l l w orkingon improv ing my c ra ft ’?

Apa rna: Yeah, th at ’s true. I  f eel  liket h ey are t wo separate things. I d o n’t kno w w hy Ifeel  like the  ne ed tolum p  themtogeth er. I  t hin k it’sa fe arof  being ove r l y p roudof  mys elf. An d that it will som e how  spiral intoanegom o ns ter . 
P aul :Y eah t hat seems to be  something  t h at  comes upa  lo twith pe ople th at ha v e paren ts who we re immigr an ts.T h ere  seems tobe verymuch a -- don’t ge t too  bi g foryo urbritc hes. Y o u’r e ful ly you rs elf if  you’ re  proud.
Aparna: Yeah, I thinklike t hat’s  re ally true . Y o u’r e just su ppos ed to be y our  be st se lfb ut do n’td ra w a t tenti on t o  it. It’s astr a n ge  -- yeah, i t ’ s  astran ge- -

Pau l: K eep your head
 that_has come_gradually over the years_around being_productive_and doing_work,_and like I_just have a_really bad procrastination habit._I mean, I_know_a lot of people struggle with procrastination, but I really feel like it’s to_the_point where_I_will_never get things done that_I want -- that I_care about.

Paul:_I can’t imagine how intimidating it’s got to_be_to have two_parents that are doctors.

Aparna: Yeah. Yeah. I mean I_never really think of it in_that way. But_I_think_a lot of it_is just a fear of not_-- of failure -- and whatever_I produce will not be good enough,_so therefore it’s just easier never_to start.

Paul: I watched some_of your_stand-up. It made me laugh._I looked at_your credits._You’ve got a_dozen TV credits. Is that not_successful? That you’re_making people laugh. You’re making your_living_as a stand-up_comedian.

Aparna:_Yeah,_I think_it’s just easier_to_say --_to_not be satisfied. Or to feel_like_you can improve in some area. And_I think I just_fall_into that habit of_being like ‘well this person_is doing this, and I am_so far_behind’.

Paul: Why_do those things -- and I’m talking to myself as much_as I’m talking to you --_why do those two_things have_to_be mutually exclusive?_Why_can’t it_be – ‘I am successful, and I_am still_working on improving my craft’?

Aparna: Yeah,_that’s true. I feel_like_they are two separate things. I_don’t know why I feel like_the need to lump them_together._I_think it’s a fear of_being overly proud of myself. And_that it will_somehow spiral into an ego monster.

Paul: Yeah_that_seems to be something that comes_up_a lot with people that have_parents_who_were immigrants. There seems to_be very much a -- don’t_get too big for your britches. You’re fully yourself_if you’re proud.

Aparna:_Yeah, I think like that’s_really_true._You’re just supposed to be your best self but don’t_draw attention_to it. It’s_a strange -- yeah, it’s a strange --

Paul: Keep your_head