 they experienced it. Apologize for any pain they feel you’ve caused them and commit to doing whatever you can to repair the relationship. Even if you do not agree with their perspective, you can still validate their feelings and let them know that you are sorry for the pain that they are experiencing. Now is not the time to delegitimize their perspective or to try to show them the faults in their logic. Just be caring, real, and let them understand that you are sorry for their pain.

This does not mean that you must pretend that you are not pained by their actions. Be open and honest with them. Let them know that you are saddened by their life choices but still love them for who they are as a person. Your off-the-derech child is still your child and needs to feel that you respect them and view them as a worthy individual. Only once your child feels that you validate them as a human being will they be open to hearing what you have to say.

7. DO NOT LET THEM FEEL THAT YOU GAVE UP ON THEM

Parents sometimes feel that in order to maintain their relationship with their child, they must actively allow or encourage them to commit avairos. This is misguided. Parents have a very fine line to walk. On the one hand, it is often profoundly counterproductive to actively express your pain and sadness about the decisions of your off-the-derech child. Such displays are often viewed as manipulative and rarely help the situation. Most children know that their choices are causing their parents pain – and parents rarely need to say anything for the child to appreciate their position.

On the other hand, passively condoning forbidden actions can also hurt your child. Children are very perceptive and adopting a laissez-faire approach will not fool them. All they will see is that their parents do not expect them ever to improve and have given up on ever getting nachas from them. It can be devastating to a child’s self-image when they feel their parents’ sense of defeat and faux acceptance of their situation. This approach often leaves the child convinced that he is helpless to control his situation and that his parents have given up on him. This realization can be crippling and can deeply hinder any progress the child may be making. Your children should feel that while you love them, you are not ok with their actions. This is not an easy line to walk, and one must carefully find a balance.
they experienced it. Apologize for any pain they feel you ’ve caused them and entrust to do whatever you can to repair the relationship. Even if you do not agree with their position, you can still validate their feelings and let them acknowledge that you are sorry for the pain that they are experience. Now is not the time to delegitimize their position or to try to show them the faults in their logic. Just be manage, real, and lease them understand that you are sorry for their annoyance. 

 This does not mean that you must pretend that you are not pained by their action. Be open and honest with them. permit them know that you are sadden by their life choices but still love them for who they are as a person. Your off - the - derech child is still your child and need to feel that you respect them and view them as a worthy individual. Only once your child feels that you validate them as a human being will they be open to hearing what you have to say. 

 7. DO NOT LET THEM FEEL THAT YOU GAVE UP ON THEM 

 Parents sometimes feel that in order to observe their relationship with their child, they must actively allow or promote them to entrust avairos. This is misadvise. Parents have a very all right line to walk. On the one bridge player, it is often profoundly counterproductive to actively express your annoyance and sadness about the decisions of your off - the - derech child. Such displays are often viewed as manipulative and rarely help the situation. Most children know that their choices are causing their parents annoyance – and parents rarely want to state anything for the child to appreciate their position. 

 On the other hand, passively condoning forbidden actions can also suffer your child. Children are very perceptive and adopting a laissez - faire approach will not fool them. All they will experience is that their parents do not have a bun in the oven them ever to improve and have contribute up on ever get nachas from them. It can be devastating to a child ’s self - image when they feel their parent ’ sense of defeat and faux acceptance of their situation. This access often bequeath the child convinced that he is helpless to control his situation and that his parents have given up on him. This realization can be crippling and can profoundly hinder any progress the child may be make. Your children should feel that while you love them, you are not ok with their actions. This is not an easy line to walk, and one must cautiously find a balance.
 thfy experienced it. Apologlze for any pain they fxel you’be causea them and commit to doing wiatecer yiu can to repair the rdlationshpp. Even id yon do not agree wmfh theiv peraiectire, you can still validate dheir feelings avd let them know that you are sorry fjr the laln that they ate exkeryencjng. Now is not the time to delegitjmize tieir perspectivr or to try to show them tje fwults in their loglc. Just be xarigt, real, and ldt them understand thaj you are sorry for their pain.

Thks dozs not mean tyat iou must prevend trat you are kpt paited by yheir actions. Ne opxn abd honest with them. Lxt them know that yoo are saddanzd by their life choixew but stinl luce ghej hor who tjey are as a lerson. Your off-the-derech child if still your cgild agd needs to feel that you respect them ang vjew them as a worthy ineividual. Only once yoor child fqels that you validate them as a human being will they ce ipcn tu hfaring what you have to say.

7. DO NOT LET THEM FQSL TMAT YOU GAVE UP JN THEM

Paremtd xjmetimes feel that nh krder to maintain hheir rglatiobship witr thrir child, they must activelt allow or eucoyrage them to commnt avairos. Tkis is misgiided. Parents have a vexy fins line to wwlk. On ths one hand, it is uftvn psofoundly counterproductivq to actitely zxpress hour pain wnd sadnesd abomd the decisions of your oxf-the-derecj child. Such displays are often viewed as manopglanive and xarely help the sittation. Most chnldren kuow thxt their cgoices ere causing eheir parents kain – and parxnts rarejy nwed ro say xvything for thr child to appreciare their position.

Ok the kther hand, passnreoy condoning fotbiadeg wcvions wan also hurd yojr znild. Zhildren arc vdry lerceptive and adopthng z laissez-faire apptowch will not fooj them. All thry will see is thau theic pareits do noj expect them ever to improve ahd have glvek up on ever dettlng gachas frok them. It can be devastating to a child’w self-image when jhey feel their parenjs’ xense of deheat agd faux awceptance of their sutuation. This appvoach often leaves the child convlnced that he is helpless to control his situation and that his parents hqve giteg up on him. Thix reanivatnon can be rrmppling and can dveply hinder any progress the chmld may be mcking. Your children should ferl that while yuu love them, you are not ok with their actions. This is not an essy line to walk, and one must caeefulmy find a ualance.
they experienced it. Apologize for any pain you’ve them and to doing whatever relationship. if you do agree with their you can still validate their feelings let them know that you are sorry for the pain that they are Now is not the time to delegitimize their perspective or to try to them faults their Just be caring, real, and let them understand that you are sorry for their pain. This not mean that you must pretend that you not pained by their Be open and honest with Let know that are by life choices but love them for who they are as a person. Your off-the-derech child is still your child and to feel respect them view as worthy individual. Only child feels that you validate them being will they be open to hearing what have to 7. DO NOT LET THEM FEEL YOU GAVE UP ON THEM Parents sometimes feel in order to maintain their relationship with their child, they must actively allow or encourage commit avairos. This is Parents have a fine to On one hand, is often profoundly counterproductive to actively express your pain and sadness the decisions of your off-the-derech child. Such displays are often manipulative rarely help the Most children know that choices causing their parents pain parents need for child appreciate their position. On other hand, passively condoning forbidden can also hurt your and adopting a laissez-faire approach will not fool All they will see is that their do not expect them ever to improve and have given up on getting nachas It can be devastating to a child’s self-image they feel their parents’ of defeat and faux acceptance of their situation. This often the child that he is to control his and that his given up him. realization and can deeply hinder any progress child be making. Your children should that love them, you are not ok with their actions. This is not an easy line and one must carefully a
 they experienced it. ApologizE for any paiN they FeeL yoU’vE cauSed tHem and commit to DOing Whatever you can to repair The reLaTIonsHIp. even iF you do nOT aGREe wItH tHeiR pERsPectiVe, yOu can stIll validatE thEiR feelings and LEt Them know thAt yOu are sorry foR thE pain tHaT thEY are eXpeRiencIng. Now IS not thE time to deLeGItimizE Their peRSPeCtivE or to try to show theM ThE Faults in their lOgic. JuSt BE cARIng, ReaL, and let theM uNdersTAnd that YOu ARE SorRY for their pain.

this does not MEan That yoU mUst PRetend That yOu ARe nOt pained by tHeir Actions. Be Open anD Honest wITh them. LEt them KnoW thAt yoU ArE sAddEnED by THeIr lIFe cHoices buT sTiLl lovE theM FOR Who tHey Are aS a perSon. Your off-the-DerEch cHIld Is stiLl youR chiLd And neEds to fEel thAt You respect them aNd viEw them as a WorThY inDiViduaL. only onCe yOur Child feEls that YOu vAlIDATe Them as a human being wIlL THeY be open tO heariNG wHaT You have tO sAy.

7. Do NOT let THEM fEEL thAt YOU GAVE uP ON THem

PArEnts somEtImes feEl ThaT in Order TO maiNtain tHeir relaTionsHIp with their chiLD, they must actiVElY ALlOW or eNcoUrage them to CommIT avaIros. tHiS is MIsguiDed. PaReNTs HAve a very fine line to wAlK. On the One haNd, it is often prOfoundly coUNTErproducTive TO aCTively express yOur paIn and sadneSS about thE deciSions of yOur off-the-DERech chilD. SuCh dIspLayS ARe Often viewed as MANipuLaTive and RarEly help The SitUatIon. moSt childreN know thaT tHeIr ChOicEs are CAusing thEiR paReNts Pain – aND parenTs rarEly nEeD tO Say AnythinG FoR THe chIlD tO appRecIaTe theIr poSItiOn.

On the Other hand, PasSIvelY cOnDoning fOrbidden actioNs Can also hurT yOur Child. CHILdren are Very perceptive and adoptiNG a laissEz-fAire aPproAch will noT foOl them. all THey wilL see is That tHeIr pAREnts dO NOt ExpEcT them ever tO IMprOve anD hAve gIven up oN ever getting nachas FRom Them. It can be deVasTatiNG To A chILd’S SelF-iMAge WHEn they feel their Parents’ senSe OF dEfeat and faUX acCePtance oF their sItuatIOn. This aPproach ofTen leaves ThE chiLD ConVinced that He is helpLess to conTRol hiS SiTuatiOn aNd that HiS paRents Have giVEn uP on hiM. This rEaLizatiOn can Be CripplinG and can deeply hinder any pRogresS the cHilD may be makIng. yOur Children sHoulD feel that wHilE yoU love TheM, You arE not OK wIth THeir aCtioNS. This is noT An EasY LInE to walk, and oNE MUst CarefUllY Find a bAlanCe.
 they experienced it. Apol ogize forany p ain  th ey  fee l yo u’ve caused th e m an d commit to doing what everyo u  can to  repa ir ther el a t ion sh ip . E ve n  i f you  do  not ag ree with t hei rperspective, yo u can stil l v alidate thei r f eeling sand let t hem  know  thaty ou are  sorry fo rt he pai n  that t h e yareexperiencing. Now is not the time t o dele gi t im i z e t hei r perspect iv e ort o try t o  s h o w  th e m the faultsin their lo g ic.  Justbe  ca r ing, r eal,an d  le t them unde rsta nd that y ou are sorry f o r their  pain. 

T his  doe s  n ot  me an tha t  y oum ust  pretend  t ha t you  are n o t  pai ned  bytheir  actions. Beope n an d  ho nestwiththem .Let t hem kn ow th at  you are sadden ed b y their l ife  c hoi ce s but stilllov e t hem for  who th e y a re a s  a  person. Your off- th e - de rech chi ld iss ti ll your chi ld  an d ne e d s tofeel th at you r espect th em  and vi ew  themas  awor thy i n divi dual.Only onc e you r  child feels t h at you valida t et h em as a  hu man being w illt heybe o p en  to heari ng wh at yo u  have to say.

7. D ONOT LE T THE M FEEL THAT Y OU GAVE UP O N  THEM

P aren t ss ometimes feelthatin order t o  maintai n the ir relat ionship w i t h theirchi ld,  th eym u st  actively all o w  oren courage  th em to c omm itava iro s.  This ismisguide d.  P ar en tshavea  very fi ne  li ne  to  walk .  On th e one  han d,  i t  is  oftenp ro f o undl yco unte rpr od uctiv e to act ively e xpress yo urp ainan dsadness  about the de ci sions of y ou r o ff-the - d erech ch ild. Such displays areo ften vi ewe d asmani pulativeand  rarel y h e lp the  situa tion.  M ost c hildr e n  k now  t hat theirc h oic es ar ecaus ing the ir parents pain –a ndparents rarel y n eedt o  s aya ny t hin gf ort h e child to appr eciate the ir po sition.

O n  th eother h and, pa ssive l y condo ning forb idden act io ns c a n  al so hurt yo ur child . Childre n  arev er y per cep tive a nd  ad optin g a la i sse z-fai re app ro ach wi ll no tfool the m. All they will see is  thattheir  pa rents donot exp ect themever  to improv e a ndhavegiv e n upon e v er  ge t tingnach a s from th e m.  It c an  be devasta t i n g t o a c hil d ’s sel f-im age when they fee l  their parents ’ se n s e o f d e feat  a nd faux accept anc eo f  their s it uation. Thi s approa ch often  leave s thechild c o n vi n ced th at h e i s helples s t oc ontrolhi ss ituati on a nd  thathis pa r ents h ave given up onhim.T h is re a liz ation  c an be c r ippl ing and ca n deeply hi nder a ny p rogre ss thech ild ma y b emaking. Yo u r childre n sho uld fee lthat  wh ile yo u lo v e  them , yo uare  not ok w i t ht he ir act ions . Thi sis n ot an eas y  line to  wa l k, andon e m u s t care f ul l y  find a ba lan ce.
 they_experienced it._Apologize for any pain_they feel_you’ve_caused them_and_commit to doing_whatever you can_to repair the relationship._Even if you_do_not agree with their perspective, you can still validate their feelings and let them_know_that you_are_sorry_for the pain that they_are experiencing. Now is not_the time_to delegitimize their perspective or to try to_show_them the faults_in their logic. Just be caring, real, and let_them understand that you are sorry_for their pain.

This_does_not_mean that you must_pretend that you are not pained_by their actions. Be open and_honest with them. Let them know that_you are saddened by their life_choices but still love them_for who_they are as a person._Your off-the-derech child_is still_your child and_needs to feel that you respect_them and view_them as a worthy individual. Only_once_your child feels_that_you_validate them_as a human_being_will they_be_open to hearing what you have_to_say.

7. DO NOT LET THEM FEEL THAT_YOU GAVE UP ON_THEM

Parents_sometimes feel that in_order to maintain their relationship_with their child, they must actively_allow or_encourage them_to commit avairos. This is misguided. Parents have a very fine_line to walk. On the one_hand, it is often_profoundly counterproductive_to_actively express your_pain_and sadness_about the decisions of your off-the-derech child._Such displays_are often viewed as manipulative and_rarely help the situation._Most_children know that their choices are_causing their parents pain – and_parents rarely need to say_anything_for_the child to appreciate their_position.

On the other hand, passively condoning_forbidden actions can_also hurt your child. Children are very_perceptive_and adopting a laissez-faire approach will_not_fool them. All they will see_is_that_their parents do not expect_them ever to improve and have_given up on ever getting nachas from them. It_can be devastating_to a child’s self-image when_they_feel_their parents’ sense of defeat and faux acceptance of their_situation. This_approach often leaves_the child convinced that he is helpless to control his_situation and that his parents have given_up on him. This realization can be crippling and can deeply_hinder any progress the child may be making._Your children should feel that while you_love them, you are_not_ok with their actions. This is not_an_easy_line_to walk, and_one must carefully_find a balance.