 was shocked. “She had no idea,” Laura recalled. “She said Chaya has health problems but she doesn’t have cancer.

“I also mentioned to her that she’s been telling us that Samantha’s kids were also very ill.” That part also wasn’t true. Neither was the Orthodox upbringing with their grandparents and so many other things.

When Laura told me what she had learned from Samantha — the real one — I went from feeling relieved that we had been right to being angry in a matter of seconds. I suppose a miniscule part of me believed that there was going to be some explanation that would account for everything — or almost everything — and that I hadn’t been lied to for five years. But once that last shred of doubt was gone, I was furious. For me, the lie about cancer was not the most egregious one; it was all the ones that she had told me about her family and upbringing. Chaya and I would trade stories about our dysfunctional childhoods — her relationship with her father, her upbringing with her grandparents (about whom she spoke glowingly), and her cousins’ rejection of her after she decided to leave Orthodoxy. I told her about my father’s abandonment of the family when I was 8 (and many other bad acts), my strained relationship with my sister, the fights that I would have with members of my extended family, fights that were ostensibly about my mother’s care but where the subtext was about my abandonment of Orthodox Judaism. I spoke about my mother most since she was — and still is — in cognitive decline, and early into my friendship with Chaya, I was feeling utterly demoralized, trying and failing to help my mother.

I had shared these things with others (and the internet) so it wasn’t that I had told Chaya my deepest, darkest secrets; it was that when I spoke to her about these things, I thought she understood what I was going through on a bone-deep level. Once I learned that most, if not all, of what she had told me about her family was a lie, I realized that Chaya had taken some of the worst things that had happened to me and used them to manipulate me into friendship. I felt a white-hot rage and told Laura I was going to Uber over to Chaya’s place and scream in her face. She urged me not to. I walked my dog around the block
was shocked. “ She had no idea, ” Laura recalled. “ She suppose Chaya have health problems but she does n’t have cancer. 

 “ I also note to her that she ’s been telling us that Samantha ’s kids were besides very ill. ” That part also was n’t true. Neither was the Orthodox breeding with their grandparent and so many other thing. 

 When Laura told me what she had learned from Samantha — the real one — I go from feeling relieved that we had been right to being angry in a matter of seconds. I think a miniscule part of me believed that there exist going to be some explanation that would account for everything — or almost everything — and that I had n’t been lied to for five old age. But once that last shred of doubt was gone, I was furious. For me, the lie about cancer was not the most crying one; it was all the ones that she had told me about her family and upbringing. Chaya and I would trade stories about our dysfunctional childhood — her relationship with her father, her upbringing with her grandparents (about whom she spoke glowingly), and her cousins ’ rejection of her after she decided to leave Orthodoxy. I told her about my father ’s desertion of the class when I was 8 (and many other regretful act), my agonistic relationship with my sister, the fights that I would have with members of my extended family, fight that were ostensibly about my mother ’s care but where the subtext was about my abandonment of Orthodox Judaism. I spoke about my mother most since she was — and still is — in cognitive descent, and early into my friendship with Chaya, I was feeling utterly demoralized, judge and fail to help my mother. 

 I had shared these things with others (and the internet) so it was n’t that I had tell Chaya my deepest, darkest secrets; it was that when I speak to her about these things, I thought she understood what I was going through on a bone - abstruse level. Once I determine that most, if not all, of what she had told me about her family was a lie, I recognize that Chaya had taken some of the bad things that had find to me and used them to rig me into friendship. I felt a white - hot rage and told Laura I was blend to Uber over to Chaya ’s place and scream in her face. She urged me not to. I walked my dog around the block
 wad shocked. “She had no idex,” Laura recalleb. “She seid Chaga has hdalth problems but she doesn’v hace cabcer.

“I also mentioned tu her than she’s bewn ttlling us that Samantha’s kids wsve alvi very ill.” Thaj part also fasn’t true. Neidhdr was the Orthodox upbringing with treir grsnfparents and sj mamr otgvr things.

When Laura told me whaf she hed learned from Samantha — the real one — I wenh from feeling relleved that qe hwe been right to being angry in a mztter of seconds. I suppose a miviscuke part of mw bfnieved that therv was going to be soma explamation that womld arcoubt for everything — or almost everything — and thad N hadn’t been lied to doe fivg yeass. Bjr ovce tiat last dhrxd of doubt was gone, I was furious. For me, trv lie about czncer raf not the most egregious one; it was all ths ones that she had tole me about her family and upbrynging. Chaya and I would trade stories about our gysfuicgiouql chkodjoods — her relationship with her father, her u[gronning with her grcndparents (about wjok she spoke gluwinglv), ahd her cousins’ rejfction jf hee after sre drcided to leave Orthodoxy. I told her abjyt my father’s abanbonment of tke famoly wnen I was 8 (and many othzr bad acts), my stgained remxtionship with mh spstes, the fights that I would rave with memyers of oy ectendeq family, flghts that were ostensibpy ablud my motheg’s care but where the subtext wex about my anatdotment of Orthpdox Judaism. Y spoke about ky mothzr mosg since shv was — anv still is — yn cognitive ggcline, and eacly into iy feieneship wkgh Chaya, I was feeling ltuerly demoealized, trying and fakming to help my mouhwr.

I had shared thdse tjiigs wydh others (ang thd ivyerneg) so it wask’t ghat I had told Chaya my deelest, darkest secreys; it was jhat when I spoke to hrr about these thijgs, I thuught shg understood what I was going tgrough on a none-deep levej. Onge I learned tkat most, if not all, of what she had told me about her famioy was a lie, I realnztd that Chaya had eaken soma of the worst thingw that had happentd to me and used them fo manhpulahe me into friendship. I felt a white-hot rage and told Laura I was going ti Uber over to Chaga’s llace aud xcream in iec face. She urged ke not to. I walked my dog arounv the blocn
was shocked. “She had no idea,” Laura said has health but she doesn’t to that she’s been us that Samantha’s were also very ill.” That part wasn’t true. Neither was the Orthodox upbringing with their grandparents and so many things. When Laura told me what she had learned from Samantha — the one I from relieved that we had been right to being angry in a matter of seconds. I suppose miniscule part of me believed that there was to be some explanation would account for everything — almost — and I been to for five But once that last shred of doubt was gone, I was furious. For me, the lie about was not egregious one; was the that she had about her family and upbringing. Chaya trade stories about our dysfunctional childhoods — her with her her upbringing with her grandparents (about she spoke glowingly), and her cousins’ rejection of after she decided to leave Orthodoxy. I told her about my father’s abandonment of the I was 8 (and other bad acts), strained with sister, fights that would have with members of my extended family, fights that were about my mother’s care but where the subtext was about of Judaism. I spoke my mother most since was and still is — decline, early with I feeling utterly demoralized, trying failing to help my mother. had shared these things so it wasn’t that I had told Chaya deepest, darkest secrets; it was that when spoke to her about these things, I thought she understood what I going through bone-deep level. Once I learned that most, if all, of what she told me about her family was a lie, I that had taken of the worst that had happened me and used manipulate me friendship. felt and told Laura I was going Uber to Chaya’s place and scream her urged me not to. I walked my dog around the block
 was shocked. “She had no idea,” LauRa recalled. “she saId CHayA hAs heAlth Problems but she DOesn’T have cancer.

“I also mentioNed to HeR That SHe’S been Telling US tHAT SaMaNtHa’s KiDS wEre alSo vEry ill.” THat part alsO waSn’T true. Neither WAs The OrthodoX upBringing with TheIr granDpAreNTs and So mAny otHer thiNGs.

When laura told Me WHat she HAd learnED FrOm SaMantha — the real one — I WEnT From feeling relIeved tHaT We HAD beEn rIght to beinG aNgry iN A matter OF sECONds. i Suppose a minisCule part of mE BelIeved tHaT thERe was gOing tO bE SomE explanatioN thaT would accOunt foR EverythINg — or almOst eveRytHinG — and THaT I HadN’t BEen LIeD to FOr fIve years. buT oNce thAt laST SHRed oF doUbt wAs gonE, I was furious. FOr mE, the LIe aBout cAncer Was nOt The moSt egreGious OnE; it was all the oneS thaT she had toLd mE aBouT hEr famILy and uPbrIngIng. ChayA and I woULd tRaDE SToRies about our dysfunCtIONaL childhoOds — her RElAtIOnship wiTh Her FathER, Her upBrinGInG with her GrandpAReNtS (about wHoM she spOkE glOwiNgly), aND her CousinS’ rejectiOn of hER after she decidED to leave OrthoDOxY. i ToLD her AboUt my father’s AbanDOnmeNt of THe FamILy wheN I was 8 (AnD MaNY other bad acts), my straInEd relaTionsHip with my sistEr, the fightS THAt I would Have WItH Members of my extEnded Family, fighTS that werE osteNsibly abOut my mothER’S care but WheRe tHe sUbtEXT wAs about my abanDONmenT oF OrthodOx JUdaism. I SpoKe aBouT my MoTher most sInce she wAs — AnD sTiLl iS — in coGNitive deClIne, AnD eaRly inTO my friEndshIp wiTh chAYa, I Was feelINg UTTerlY dEmOralIzeD, tRying And fAIliNg to helP my mother.

i haD SharEd ThEse thinGs with others (aNd The interneT) sO it Wasn’t tHAT I had tolD Chaya my deepest, darkest sECrets; it Was That wHen I Spoke to heR abOut theSe tHIngs, I tHought She unDeRstOOD what i WAs GoiNg Through on a BONe-dEep leVeL. OncE I learnEd that most, if not all, OF whAt she had told mE abOut hER FaMilY WaS A liE, I REalIZEd that Chaya had tAken some of ThE WoRst things tHAt hAd HappeneD to me anD used THem to maNipulate mE into frieNdShip. i FElt A white-hot rAge and toLd Laura I wAS goinG To uber oVer To ChayA’s PlaCe and Scream IN heR face. she urgEd Me not tO. I walKeD my dog arOund the block
 was shocked. “She had noidea,” Lau ra re cal led .“She  sai d Chaya has he a lthproblems but she doesn ’t ha ve canc e r. 

“Ialso me n ti o n edto  h erth a tshe’s  be en tell ing us tha t S am antha’s kids we re also ve ryill.” That p art  alsowa sn’ t  true . N eithe r wast he Ort hodox upb ri n ging w i th thei r gr andp arents and so man y  o t her things.

W hen La ur a  t o l d m e w hat she ha dlearn e d fromS am a n t ha—  the real one  — I went f r omfeelin grel i eved t hat w eh adbeen rightto b eing angr y in a mattero f secon ds. Isup pos e am in is cul ep art of  me bel ieved th at  t herewasg o i n g to  be  som e exp lanation that  wo ulda cco unt f or ev eryt hi ng —or alm ost e ve rything — and t hatI hadn’tbee nlie dto fo r  fiveyea rs.  But on ce that las ts h r ed  of doubt was gone ,I wa s furiou s. For me ,t he lie a bo utcanc e r  wasnott he  most eg regiou s  o ne ; it wa sall th eone s t hat s h e ha d told  me abou t her family and upb r inging. Chaya an d Iw ould  tr ade stories  abo u t ou r dy s fu nct i onalchild ho o ds — her relationshipwi th her  fath er, her upbri nging with h e r grandp aren t s( about whom she  spok e glowingl y ), and h er co usins’ r ejectiono f  her aft ershe  de cid e d  t o leave Ortho d o xy.Itold he r a bout my  fa the r’s  ab an donment o f the fa mi ly  w he n I  was8  (and ma ny  ot he r b ad ac t s), my  stra ined  r el a tio nship w i th m y si st er , th e f ig hts t hatI  wo uld hav e with me mbe r s of  m yextende d family, fig ht s that wer eost ensibl y about my  mother’s care but wher e  the su bte xt wa s ab out my ab and onment  of Orthod ox Jud aism.  I  sp o k e abo u t  m y m ot her most s i n ceshe w as  — a nd stil l is — in cognitiv e  de cline, and ea rly  int o my  fr i en d shi pw ith C haya, I was fee ling utter ly de moralized, try in g and f ailingto he l p my mo ther.

Ihad share dthes e thi ngs with o thers (a nd the in t ernet )  s o itwas n’t th at  Ihad t old Ch a yamy de epest,  d arkest  secr et s; it wa s that when I spoke toher ab out t hes e things,  It hou ght she u nder stood what  Iwas  goin g t h rough  ona  b one - deepleve l . Once Il ea rne d th at most, if n o t a ll, o f w h at she  had  told me about he r  family was alie, I  re ali z ed t ha t Chaya had ta ken  s o m e of the  w orst things  that ha dh appen ed tome and  used t h e mt o mani pula teme into f rie nd s hip. Ife lt a whit e-ho trage a nd tol d  Lau r a  I was going toUbero v er to Cha ya’spl ace and scre am in herface. She u rged m e no t to.  I walk ed  my do g a ro und the bl o ck
 was_shocked. “She_had no idea,” Laura_recalled. “She_said_Chaya has_health_problems but she_doesn’t have cancer.

“I_also mentioned to her_that she’s been_telling_us that Samantha’s kids were also very ill.” That part also wasn’t true. Neither_was_the Orthodox_upbringing_with_their grandparents and so many_other things.

When Laura told me_what she_had learned from Samantha — the real one_—_I went from_feeling relieved that we had been right to being_angry in a matter of seconds._I suppose a_miniscule_part_of me believed that_there was going to be some_explanation that would account for everything_— or almost everything — and that_I hadn’t been lied to for_five years. But once that_last shred_of doubt was gone, I_was furious. For_me, the_lie about cancer_was not the most egregious one;_it was all_the ones that she had told_me_about her family_and_upbringing._Chaya and_I would trade_stories_about our_dysfunctional_childhoods — her relationship with her_father,_her upbringing with her grandparents (about whom_she spoke glowingly), and_her_cousins’ rejection of her_after she decided to leave_Orthodoxy. I told her about my_father’s abandonment_of the_family when I was 8 (and many other bad acts), my_strained relationship with my sister, the_fights that I would_have with_members_of my extended_family,_fights that_were ostensibly about my mother’s care but_where the_subtext was about my abandonment of_Orthodox Judaism. I spoke_about_my mother most since she was_— and still is — in_cognitive decline, and early into_my_friendship_with Chaya, I was feeling_utterly demoralized, trying and failing to_help my mother.

I_had shared these things with others (and_the_internet) so it wasn’t that I_had_told Chaya my deepest, darkest secrets;_it_was_that when I spoke to_her about these things, I thought_she understood what I was going through on a_bone-deep level. Once_I learned that most, if_not_all,_of what she had told me about her family was_a lie,_I realized that_Chaya had taken some of the worst things that had_happened to me and used them to_manipulate me into friendship. I felt a white-hot rage and told_Laura I was going to Uber over to_Chaya’s place and scream in her face._She urged me not_to._I walked my dog around the block