 myself in a familiar space which mostly involves wondering what the point of my being alive is. ‘Blimey,’ you might be thinking now, ‘here she goes again, getting heavy’ but it’s the truth for me, and as far as I know, creative people (and especially depressives like me) get like that, and while it might not be ‘normal’ to say it out loud, it’s pretty normal to think it occasionally, for a lot of people. It doesn’t mean I want to be dead (although I occasionally I hit the depths where I feel being dead would be a nice ‘rest’ – how thick is that?!!! or does it just mean I’m tired?) I’m just thinking about my place on the planet, and what’s the betting that a lot of women whose children have left home find themselves in this position, rethinking what they are actually ‘for’ now that their roles as mothers have diminished?

Even two years after leaving London (and thereby our son James at uni there) and moving to Scotland, I am not sure what I am ‘for’, what is my role and purpose in life? While I figure that out, I’m just trying to make the best of the life I have been given, one day at a time. Sometimes I am very bad at that, and need a little nudge to see the bigger picture, so, when I met people at Troon last weekend who were complimentary about my glass work, who bought some of it, and even those who were returning customers coming to get their ‘Min bead fix’, I felt affirmed, and as if there is a point to making beads, and being me. Glass beads give me a place in my world, they challenge me as an artist. I know I’m a daughter, wife, mother and friend, and being those things is important to other people (thanks guys) but first and foremost is the relationship I have with myself. After all I have to live in my head, and that takes some managing…oh to be simple and uncomplicated, and not to think too much…

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I suppose it might have occurred to those of you who visit my site, that I have very few beads up for sale here. My website mainly shows what I have sold, not what I have for sale, now that is the wrong way round isn’t it? I really want to change that, however,
myself in a familiar space which mostly involves wonder what the item of my being alive is. ‘ Blimey, ’ you might be thinking now, ‘ here she go again, getting heavy ’ but it ’s the accuracy for me, and as far as I know, creative people (and particularly depressives like me) get like that, and while it might not be ‘ normal ’ to say it out loudly, it ’s pretty normal to think it occasionally, for a lot of people. It does n’t think of I want to be dead (although I occasionally I hit the depths where I feel being all in would be a nice ‘ rest ’ – how thick is that? !! ! or does it precisely mean I ’m tired ?) I ’m merely thinking about my topographic point on the planet, and what ’s the betting that a lot of women whose children have left base find themselves in this position, rethinking what they are actually ‘ for ’ now that their roles as mothers have diminished? 

 Even two years after leaving London (and thereby our son James at uni there) and moving to Scotland, I am not sure what I am ‘ for ’, what is my role and purpose in life? While I figure that out, I ’m just trying to do the best of the life I have been given, one sidereal day at a prison term. Sometimes I am very bad at that, and need a short nudge to see the bigger picture, so, when I meet people at Troon last weekend who were complimentary about my glass work, who bought some of it, and even those who were returning customer coming to get their ‘ Min bead fix ’, I felt affirmed, and as if there is a point to reach beads, and being me. Glass beads give me a place in my populace, they challenge me as an artist. I know I ’m a daughter, wife, mother and friend, and being those things is authoritative to other people (thanks guys) but first and first is the relationship I have with myself. After all I have to live in my head, and that learn some managing … oh to be elementary and uncomplicated, and not to remember too much … 

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 I suppose it might have occurred to those of you who chew the fat my web site, that I have very few beads up for sale here. My website chiefly shows what I have sold, not what I have for sale, now that is the incorrect way round is n’t it? I really desire to change that, however,
 mydelf in a familiar space which mostly iucolves wondeding whag the point of my being alivx is. ‘Blimtj,’ you might be thinkivg now, ‘hege she gows ajain, getting heatg’ but ib’f ths truch for me, and as far as I nnow, creative [euppe (and especially depressives like ie) get kine that, and whyle pt miggn kot be ‘normal’ to say it out loud, it’s prttty normal to thimk it occasionally, for a llt ov people. It doesn’t mean I wanj to ve dead (althuugh I occasionally I git the depths where I feel beivg decd would be a nifg ‘rest’ – how vhick ps that?!!! or docx it jgst meam I’m tired?) I’m must vhinjing about my place oi the planet, and whaj’s the betdiug that a lot of womeb qhose chindrev haxe meht gome flnd themselvea in this pisition, rethinking ehwn they are acfually ‘fjr’ now that their roles as mothers have dijinished?

Even two years qfter leaving London (wnd therefy our son James at uni there) and moving to Scotldnd, I xm uit sufw ahat I am ‘for’, what is my role and purpose in jjft? Wmile I figure thct out, I’m just ttylnb to make the cest oy tge life I have beej given, one eay at a uime. Xometimes I am very bad at rhat, and neeb a little nudge to sze the biggex pictore, so, when I met people at Txoon lzst weekend who were zomplimentary abuut mf glass work, who bought soie of it, end eren thosd whp were returning customers coming to get theit ‘Min tead fix’, I felt affirmed, and as if there mx a point to mdkitg beads, and neing me. Glass feads give me c place nn my dorld, they challeige me as an artist. I knof I’m a daughtxr, wife, mjthee ane friena, and being thoxe things is importqnt to other peoplc (thavis guys) but firwt qnd foremost is thd rqlwtmonshy[ I have witv myrelw. Aftef all I havc tu life in my head, and thdt tzkes some managing…ph to be sumple anq uncomplicatrd, and not to thinn too murh…

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I suppose it might havs occurref tj those of yju wmo vysit my sice, that I have very few beads up for salx here. My website mainlt shows what I have xold, not whet I hwve for sdle, now that is the qrong way round ixn’t it? I really want fo chatge tjat, however,
myself in a familiar space which mostly what point of being alive is. now, she goes again, heavy’ but it’s truth for me, and as far I know, creative people (and especially depressives like me) get like that, and it might not be ‘normal’ to say it out loud, it’s pretty normal think occasionally, a of people. It doesn’t mean I want to be dead (although I occasionally I hit the where I feel being dead would be a ‘rest’ – how thick that?!!! or does it just I’m I’m just about place the planet, and the betting that a lot of women whose children have left home find themselves in this position, what they ‘for’ now their as have diminished? Even after leaving London (and thereby our uni there) and moving to Scotland, I am sure what am ‘for’, what is my role purpose in life? While I figure that out, just trying to make the best of the life I have been given, one day time. Sometimes I am bad at that, need little to the bigger so, when I met people at Troon last weekend who were about my glass work, who bought some of it, and who returning customers coming get their ‘Min bead I affirmed, and as if a to being Glass give me a place my world, they challenge me an artist. I know and friend, and being those things is important other people (thanks guys) but first and is the relationship I have with myself. After all I have to in my that takes some managing…oh to be simple and and not to think much… Share : Like this: I suppose it might occurred those of who visit my that I have few beads up here. My mainly what not what I have for sale, that the wrong way round isn’t I to change that, however,
 myself in a familiar space whiCh mostly inVolveS woNdeRiNg whAt thE point of my beinG AlivE is. ‘Blimey,’ you might be thiNking NoW, ‘Here SHe Goes aGain, getTInG HEavY’ bUt It’s ThE TrUth foR me, And as faR as I know, crEatIvE people (and esPEcIally depreSsiVes like me) get LikE that, aNd WhiLE it miGht Not be ‘Normal’ TO say it Out loud, it’S pREtty noRMal to thINK iT occAsionally, for a lot oF PeOPle. It doesn’t meaN I want To BE dEAD (alThoUgh I occasiOnAlly I HIt the dePThS WHEre i Feel being dead Would be a nicE ‘ResT’ – how thIcK is THat?!!! or dOes it JuST meAn I’m tired?) I’m Just Thinking aBout my PLace on tHE planet, And whaT’s tHe bEttiNG tHaT a lOt OF woMEn WhoSE chIldren haVe LeFt homE finD THEMselVes In thIs posItion, rethinkiNg wHat tHEy aRe actUally ‘For’ nOw That tHeir roLes as MoThers have diminiShed?

even two yeArs AfTer LeAving lOndon (aNd tHerEby our sOn James AT unI tHERE) aNd moving to Scotland, i aM NOt Sure what i am ‘for’, WHaT iS My role anD pUrpOse iN LIfe? WhIle I FIgUre that oUt, I’m juST tRyIng to maKe The besT oF thE liFe I haVE beeN given, One day at A time. sOmetimes I am verY Bad at that, and nEEd A LItTLe nuDge To see the bigGer pICturE, so, wHEn i meT PeoplE at TrOoN LaST weekend who were compLiMentarY abouT my glass work, wHo bought soME OF it, and evEn thOSe WHo were returninG custOmers cominG To get theIr ‘Min Bead fix’, I Felt affirMED, and as if TheRe iS a pOinT TO mAking beads, and BEIng mE. GLass beaDs gIve me a pLacE in My wOrlD, tHey challeNge me as aN aRtIsT. I KnoW I’m a dAUghter, wiFe, MotHeR anD frieND, and beIng thOse tHiNgS Is iMportanT To OTHer pEoPlE (thaNks GuYs) but FirsT And ForemosT is the relAtiONshiP I HaVe with mYself. After all i hAve to live iN mY heAd, and tHAT takes soMe managing…oh to be simple aND uncompLicAted, aNd noT to think tOo mUch…

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i suppoSe it mIgHt hAVE occuRREd To tHoSe of you who VISit My sitE, tHat I Have verY few beads up for sale HEre. my website mainLy sHows WHAt i haVE sOLd, nOt WHat i HAve for sale, now thAt is the wroNg WAy Round isn’t iT? i reAlLy want tO change That, hOWever,
 myself in a familiar spac e which mo stlyinv olv es  won deri ng what the po i nt o f my being alive is. ‘ Blime y, ’  you mi ght b e think i ng n ow,  ‘ he resh e  g oes a gai n, gett ing heavy’  bu tit’s the tru t hfor me, an d a s far as I k now , crea ti vep eople  (a nd es pecial l y depr essives l ik e  me) g e t liket h at , an d while it mightn ot be ‘normal’ to  say i to ut l oud , i t’s pretty  n ormal to thin k  i t o cca s ionally, fora lot of pe o ple . It d oe sn’ t  meanI wan tt o b e dead (alt houg h I occas ionall y  I hitt he dept hs whe reI f eelb ei ng  de ad wou l dbea  ni ce ‘rest ’–how t hick i s that ?!! ! or  does  it just mean  I’ m ti r ed? ) I’m  just  thi nk ing a bout m y pla ce  on the planet,  and  what’s t hebe tti ng  that a lotofwom en whos e child r enha v e le ft home find thems el v e sin thispositi o n,  r e thinking  w hat  the y are a ctua l ly  ‘for’ n ow tha t  t he ir role sas mot he rshav e dim i nish ed?

E ven twoyears after leavingL ondon (and th e re b y  o u r so n J ames at uni  the r e) a nd m o vi ngt o Sco tland ,I  a m  not sure what I am  ‘ for’,whatis my role an d purposei n life? Wh ileI  f i gure that out,  I’mjust tryin g  to make  thebest ofthe lifeI have bee n g ive n,one d ay  at a time. S o m etim es  I am v ery  bad at  th at,  an d n ee d a littl e nudgeto  s ee  t hebigge r  picture ,so,  w hen  I me t  peopl e atTroo nla s t w eekendw ho w ereco mp lime nta ry  abou t my gla ss work , who bou ght some  o fit, and  even those w ho  were retu rn ing  custo m e rs comin g to get their ‘Min bea d  fix’,I f elt a ffir med, andasif the rei s a po int to  maki ng  be a d s, an d be ing  m e. Glass b e a dsgiveme  a p lace in  my world, they ch a lle nge me as anart ist. I  k now I’ m  ada u ght e r , wife, motherand friend ,a nd  being tho s e t hi ngs isimporta nt to other p eople (th anks guys )butf i rst  and forem ost is t he relati o nship Ihavewit h myse lf . A fterall Ih ave  to l ive in  m y head , and  t hat take s some managing…oh to b e simp le an d u ncomplica ted ,  an d not tothin k too much …
Sha re :
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I  s upp o se it  mig h t have oc c ur red t othose of yo u w hovisit  my site,that  I have very fewb eads up for sa le h e r e.Myw ebsi te  mainly showswha tI have sol d,  not what I  have fo rs ale,now th at isthe wro n g  w a y roun d is n’t  it? I re all yw ant toch an g e that , ho we ver,
 myself_in a_familiar space which mostly_involves wondering_what_the point_of_my being alive_is. ‘Blimey,’ you_might be thinking now,_‘here she goes_again,_getting heavy’ but it’s the truth for me, and as far as I know,_creative_people (and_especially_depressives_like me) get like that,_and while it might not_be ‘normal’_to say it out loud, it’s pretty normal_to_think it occasionally,_for a lot of people. It doesn’t mean I_want to be dead (although I_occasionally I hit_the_depths_where I feel being_dead would be a nice ‘rest’_– how thick is that?!!! or_does it just mean I’m tired?) I’m_just thinking about my place on_the planet, and what’s the_betting that_a lot of women whose_children have left_home find_themselves in this_position, rethinking what they are actually_‘for’ now that_their roles as mothers have diminished?

Even_two_years after leaving_London_(and_thereby our_son James at_uni_there) and_moving_to Scotland, I am not sure_what_I am ‘for’, what is my role_and purpose in life?_While_I figure that out,_I’m just trying to make_the best of the life I_have been_given, one_day at a time. Sometimes I am very bad at that,_and need a little nudge to_see the bigger picture,_so, when_I_met people at_Troon_last weekend_who were complimentary about my glass work,_who bought_some of it, and even those_who were returning customers_coming_to get their ‘Min bead fix’,_I felt affirmed, and as if_there is a point to_making_beads,_and being me. Glass beads_give me a place in my_world, they challenge_me as an artist. I know I’m_a_daughter, wife, mother and friend, and_being_those things is important to other_people_(thanks_guys) but first and foremost_is the relationship I have with_myself. After all I have to live in my_head, and that_takes some managing…oh to be_simple_and_uncomplicated, and not to think too much…

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Like this:

I suppose_it might_have occurred to_those of you who visit my site, that I have_very few beads up for sale here._My website mainly shows what I have sold, not what I_have for sale, now that is the wrong_way round isn’t it? I really want_to change that, however,