 and college is not something we can acknowledge visually. The dialogue a few pages in does, however, help explain that for you. Also, in the narration since Amy is a V.O., I would indicate the character she is voicing by writing AMY/HEROINE or AMY/VILLAIN. Visually, on the script, it would help the reader understand quicker who she is voicing rather than having to read back the action above.I like the interplay between the four roommates a lot! Total geekdom, passionate about the material. They all have a role in the following week's "ThrillerCon," for which they are trying to complete the story, their costumes, etc. (They are submitting script to fan fiction contest at the convention) Their individual needs and voices are distinct here. Page 4 has talking heads. I suggest breaking the dialogue up with small action here and there for the characters. Also, I begin to understand the double entendre in the title. Clever!I commend you so far on the writing of the character. It is a realistic portrayal of college students from their wardrobes to their habits, from their frustrations to their goals (the superficial and the career-oriented), and from their distresses to their vices. I believe the demographic can really relate to the characters, especially comic book nerds! Personally, I would spread out divulging into Trent's issues. That way it feels like we are growing with him and are on a journey. Letting us know it all in one scene of dialogue feels like it's more explanation than dialogue.Otherwise, the touches with him becoming what his father wants him to be has been seen many times before but is still reality-based. He, like many college students, are at an identity crisis I look forward to exploring as the story progresses. Page 10 ends on the introduction of a new character who seems extremely important to the story, and will potentially thrust them into their journey. Good place to introduce her. I am wanting to get to page 11 now!Thank you for throwing in pop culture references! It feels like a must in this type of story, and you write them in naturally rather than forced, especially during discussions of the movie version of the comic book. Kudos for an entertaining read. The characters have appeal and the world you have structured is tailor-made for those who enjoy The Big Bang Theory or Comic Book Men. Maybe there are action sequences in the vein of Kick Ass?
and college is not something we can acknowledge visually. The dialogue a few pages in does, however, help excuse that for you. besides, in the narrative since Amy is a V.O., I would indicate the character she is voicing by write AMY / HEROINE or AMY / VILLAIN. Visually, on the script, it would help the lector sympathize quicker who she is voicing rather than having to read back the action above. I wish the interplay between the four roommates a lot! Total geekdom, passionate about the material. They all accept a role in the following week's " ThrillerCon, " for which they are trying to complete the narrative, their costumes, etc. (They are submitting script to sports fan fiction contest at the convention) Their individual need and voices are discrete here. Page 4 has talking heads. I suggest breaking the dialogue up with small legal action here and there for the characters. Also, I begin to understand the double entendre in the title. Clever!I commend you so far on the writing of the character. It is a realistic portrayal of college students from their wardrobes to their habits, from their frustrations to their goals (the superficial and the career - oriented), and from their distresses to their frailty. I believe the demographic can really refer to the character, especially comic book swot! Personally, I would spread out divulging into Trent's issues. That way it feel like we are growing with him and are on a journey. Letting us know it all in one scene of dialogue feels like it's more explanation than negotiation. Otherwise, the touches with him becoming what his father wants him to be has been seen many times earlier but is still reality - based. He, like many college students, are at an identity crisis I look ahead to exploring as the story progresses. Page 10 end on the introduction of a new character who seems highly important to the story, and will potentially thrust them into their journey. Good place to insert her. I am wanting to perplex to page 11 now!Thank you for throwing in dad culture references! It feel like a must in this character of story, and you write them in naturally rather than force, especially during discussions of the movie version of the amusing book. Kudos for an entertaining read. The characters have solicitation and the world you have structured is tailor - make for those who enjoy The Big Bang Theory or Comic Book Men. Maybe there are legal action sequences in the vein of Kick Ass?
 anf college is not somethikg we can acknowledge vmsually. The diauogue a few pages in does, hoxevee, helk explain that for hou. Also, pn the naeratmon since Amy is a V.O., I would jkdicace the character she is vohcing by writitg ALY/HEROINE or AMY/VILLAIN. Visually, on the sctiot, it would hejp tnq rezder understand quicker who she is voicinj rather than hsving to read back the actlon wbove.I like the inherplay betqeen rhe four rooomates a lot! Total geeidom, passionate about the materkal. Tkey all havg z gmle in the hollowpng week's "ThrlklerCot," for wnich they are bryinj to complete the story, tieir costumes, etc. (Thgy are subkicting script to fan fucrion wontast xr tfe doivehtion) Hhemr individuzl needs ane voices are distinvt yere. Page 4 haa talkynd heads. I suggest breaking the dialogue up with small action here and there for the chwracters. Wlso, I begin to understand the double entendre in the vigle. Cjdceg!I commend you so far on the writing of the crzrscner. It is a realiftic portrauap ps college stuaents ydoj their wardrobes ho theit habirs, from treir frustrations to their goalw (the superfpciao and the career-ornented), and fxom thgir dixtresses to their vices. I bslieve the femographjz can really relxte tm the characters, especiallr comic biok uerds! Pefsonslly, I would sprfad omd divulging into Tgent's ivsues. That way it feels like we are growiij with him anc dre on a jobrney. Ketting us knjw it all in oue scene of dkalogue fevls like mt's more expjanation than fialogue.Othecwise, the touxhes with hko becoming whay his fatktr wants hum to be has been xeev many times befire but is still rralkty-fadev. He, jhke many colnege stjcents, are at an ldevtitu crisis I look forwdrd fo exploring as thr ftory prigresses. Page 10 ends om the introduction of a nex charsctgr who seems extremely importanf to the dtovy, and will pjtenbialjy thrust chem into their journey. Good place to invroduce her. I am wantint to get to page 11 npe!Thank you hor thwowing in pop culture referenxes! It feels like a must in this type kf stosy, anf you write them in naturally rather than forced, especially during discuswions of the movie verxion mf che comyc bluk. Kudos for an vntertaining read. The characters have ap[ecl and the world you have stricgured is tailur-made for those who enjky The Bog Bang Theory or Comic Book Mem. Maybe there are action sequencws in the vvjn of Kick Ass?
and college is not something we can The a few in does, however, Also, the narration since is a V.O., would indicate the character she is by writing AMY/HEROINE or AMY/VILLAIN. Visually, on the script, it would help the understand quicker who she is voicing rather than having to read back the above.I the between four roommates a lot! Total geekdom, passionate about the material. They all have a role in following week's "ThrillerCon," for which they are trying complete the story, their etc. (They are submitting script fan contest at convention) individual and voices are here. Page 4 has talking heads. I suggest breaking the dialogue up with small action here and for the I begin understand double in the title. you so far on the writing It is a realistic portrayal of college students their wardrobes their habits, from their frustrations to goals (the superficial and the career-oriented), and from distresses to their vices. I believe the demographic can really relate to the characters, especially nerds! Personally, I would out divulging into issues. way feels we are with him and are on a journey. Letting us know it in one scene of dialogue feels like it's more explanation the with him becoming his father wants him be been seen many times is reality-based. college are an identity crisis I forward to exploring as the progresses. Page 10 ends new character who seems extremely important to the and will potentially thrust them into their Good place to introduce her. I am wanting to get to page now!Thank you in pop culture references! It feels like a in this type of and you write them in naturally rather than forced, during of the version of the book. Kudos for entertaining read. The appeal and world have for those who enjoy The Big Theory Comic Book Men. Maybe there action the vein of Kick Ass?
 and college is not something wE can acknowLedge VisUalLy. the dIaloGue a few pages in DOes, hOwever, help explain that fOr you. alSO, in tHE nArratIon sincE amY IS a V.o., I WoUld InDIcAte thE chAracter She is voiciNg bY wRiting AMY/HERoiNe or AMY/VILLaIN. visually, on thE scRipt, it WoUld HElp thE reAder uNderstANd quicKer who she Is VOicing RAther thAN HaVing To read back the actiON aBOve.I like the intErplay BeTWeEN The FouR roommates A lOt! TotAL geekdoM, PaSSIOnaTE about the mateRial. They all HAve A role iN tHe fOLlowinG week'S "THRilLerCon," for whIch tHey are tryIng to cOMplete tHE story, tHeir coStuMes, Etc. (THEy ArE suBmITtiNG sCriPT to Fan fictiOn CoNtest At thE CONVentIon) theiR indiVidual needs anD voIces ARe dIstinCt herE. PagE 4 hAs talKing heAds. I sUgGest breaking the DialOgue up witH smAlL acTiOn herE And theRe fOr tHe charaCters. AlSO, I bEgIN TO uNderstand the double EnTENdRe in the tItle. ClEVeR!I COmmend yoU sO faR on tHE WritiNg of THe CharacteR. It is a REaLiStic porTrAyal of CoLleGe sTudenTS froM their WardrobeS to thEIr habits, from thEIr frustrationS To THEiR GoalS (thE superficiaL and THe caReer-ORiEntED), and fRom thEiR DiSTresses to their vices. i bElieve The deMographic can rEally relatE TO The charaCterS, EsPEcially comic boOk nerDs! PersonalLY, I would sPread Out divulGing into TRENt's issueS. ThAt wAy iT feELS lIke we are growiNG With HiM and are On a Journey. letTinG us KnoW iT all in one Scene of dIaLoGuE fEelS like IT's more exPlAnaTiOn tHan diALogue.OTherwIse, tHe ToUCheS with hiM BeCOMing WhAt His fAthEr Wants Him tO Be hAs been sEen many tiMes BEforE bUt Is still Reality-based. HE, lIke many colLeGe sTudentS, ARe at an idEntity crisis I look forwarD To exploRinG as thE stoRy progresSes. page 10 enDs oN The intRoductIon of A nEw cHARacteR WHo SeeMs Extremely iMPOrtAnt to ThE stoRy, and wiLl potentially thrusT TheM into their jouRneY. GooD PLaCe tO InTRodUcE Her. i AM wanting to get to Page 11 now!ThaNk YOu For throwinG In pOp Culture ReferenCes! It FEels likE a must in tHis type of StOry, aND You Write them iN naturalLy rather tHAn forCEd, EspecIalLy duriNg DisCussiOns of tHE moVie veRsion oF tHe comiC book. kuDos for an Entertaining read. The charActers Have aPpeAl and the wOrlD You Have strucTureD is tailor-mAde For Those Who ENjoy THe BiG baNg THEory oR ComIC Book Men. MAYbE thERE aRe action seqUENCes In the VeiN Of Kick ass?
 and college is not someth ing we can  ackn owl edg evisu ally . The dialogue a fe w pages in does, howev er, h el p  exp l ai n tha t for y o u. A lso ,in  th en ar ratio n s ince Am y is a V.O .,Iwould indica t ethe charac ter  she is voic ing  by wr it ing AMY/H ERO INE o r AMY/ V ILLAIN . Visuall y, on the script, i twoul d help the reader un d erstand quicke r whosh e  i s voi cin g rather t ha n hav i ng to r e ad b a ckt he action abo ve.I like t h e i nterpl ay  be t ween t he fo ur roo mmates a lo t! T otal geek dom, p a ssionat e  aboutthe ma ter ial . Th e yal l h av e  ar ol e i n  th e follow in gweek' s "T h r i l lerC on, " fo r whi ch they are t ryi ng t o  co mplet e the  sto ry , the ir cos tumes ,etc. (They aresubm itting sc rip ttofa n fic t ion co nte stat theconvent i on)  T h e i rindividual needs a nd v oi ces aredistin c the r e. Page4has  tal k i ng he ads. Isuggestbreaki n gth e dialo gu e up w it h s mal l act i on h ere an d therefor t h e characters.A lso, I begint ou n de r stan d t he double e nten d re i n th e  t itl e . Cle ver!I  c o mm e nd you so far on th ewritin g ofthe character . It is ar e a listic p ortr a ya l  of college st udent s from the i r wardro bes t o theirhabits, f r o m theirfru str ati ons t otheir goals ( t h e su pe rficial  an d the c are er- ori ent ed ), and fr om their  d is tr es ses  to t h eir vice s.  Ibe lie ve th e  demog raphi c ca nre a lly  relate to t he c ha ra cter s,es pecia llyc omi c booknerds! Pe rso n ally ,Iwould s pread out div ul ging intoTr ent 's iss u e s. Thatway it feels like we ar e  growin g w ith h im a nd are on  ajourne y.L etting  us kn ow it  a lli n  ones c en e o fdialogue f e e lslikeit 's m ore exp lanation than dial o gue .Otherwise, t hetouc h e swit h  h i m b ec o min g what his father  wants him  t o  b e has been see nmany ti mes bef ore b u t is st ill reali ty-based.  H e, l i k e m any colleg e studen ts, are a t  an i d en titycri sis Ilo okforwa rd toe xpl oring  as th estoryprogr es ses. Pag e 10 ends on the introd uction  of a  ne w charact erw hoseems ext reme ly importa nttothe s tor y , and  wil l  p ote n tiall y th r ust themi nt o t h e ir  journey. G o o d  pl ace t o i n troduc e he r. I am wanting t o  get to page 1 1 no w ! Tha nky ou f or  throwing in p opcu l t ure refe re nces! It fe els like  a mustin thi s type  of sto r y ,a nd you  wri tethem in n atu ra l ly rath er  t h an for ced,  e specia lly du r ingd i scussions of the  movi e versi o n o f the  c omic bo o k. K udos for a n entertain ing re ad.The c haracte rs  haveapp ea l and thew orld youhavestructu re d is  ta ilor-m adef o r tho se w ho  en joy The B i g  B a ng  T h eor y or  Comi cBook  Men. May b e thereare actionse que n c es int he v ein of Kic k A ss?
 and_college is_not something we can_acknowledge visually._The_dialogue a_few_pages in does,_however, help explain_that for you. Also,_in the narration_since_Amy is a V.O., I would indicate the character she is voicing by writing_AMY/HEROINE_or AMY/VILLAIN._Visually,_on_the script, it would help_the reader understand quicker who_she is_voicing rather than having to read back the_action_above.I like the_interplay between the four roommates a lot! Total geekdom,_passionate about the material. They all_have a role_in_the_following week's "ThrillerCon," for_which they are trying to complete_the story, their costumes, etc. (They_are submitting script to fan fiction contest_at the convention) Their individual needs_and voices are distinct here._Page 4_has talking heads. I suggest_breaking the dialogue_up with_small action here_and there for the characters. Also,_I begin to_understand the double entendre in the_title._Clever!I commend you_so_far_on the_writing of the_character._It is_a_realistic portrayal of college students from_their_wardrobes to their habits, from their frustrations_to their goals (the_superficial_and the career-oriented), and_from their distresses to their_vices. I believe the demographic can_really relate_to the_characters, especially comic book nerds! Personally, I would spread out divulging_into Trent's issues. That way it_feels like we are_growing with_him_and are on_a_journey. Letting_us know it all in one scene_of dialogue_feels like it's more explanation than_dialogue.Otherwise, the touches with_him_becoming what his father wants him_to be has been seen many_times before but is still_reality-based._He,_like many college students, are_at an identity crisis I look_forward to exploring_as the story progresses. Page 10 ends_on_the introduction of a new character_who_seems extremely important to the story,_and_will_potentially thrust them into their_journey. Good place to introduce her._I am wanting to get to page 11 now!Thank_you for throwing_in pop culture references! It_feels_like_a must in this type of story, and you write_them in_naturally rather than_forced, especially during discussions of the movie version of the_comic book. Kudos for an entertaining read._The characters have appeal and the world you have structured is_tailor-made for those who enjoy The Big Bang_Theory or Comic Book Men. Maybe there_are action sequences in_the_vein of Kick Ass?