 Alice 'Hairy Knuckles' Schadenfreude, on her way to the Wednesday bingo at the Catholic church just down the street. A few preliminary drops of Eloise urine splattered on Alice Schadenfreude's genuine Panama--actually made in, where else, China--straw sun hat. Alice stopped and sniffed the air. She looked puzzled. Then horror came galloping onto her Panama sun hat shaded face as the Eloise urine drips turned into a trickle.

Alice Schadenfreude, upon smelling the urine scented water falling from above, was convinced that the sweet rain had turned to sour urine, as her charismatic great grandfather Blonkovic 'Crazy Blonk' Schadenfreude had long predicted, and the end of the world had to be close at hand. She turned on her heels and hurried home, grabbed a crucifix and rosary beads that had seen so little recent use that she had to blow the dust off them, silently offering apologies to God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary and whatever saints might be listening, for her spiritual laxness. Then she amazed her next door neighbor, Woody Balthazar, who was outside sitting on his front porch reading the astounding story in a supermarket tabloid about a Nigerian woman who gave birth to a duck, when she set out at a lope for Our Lady Of Perpetual Miracles--which the agnostic Balthazar sourly referred to as Our Lady of Perpetual Perplexity--just down the street.

Most people assumed that Woody was a nickname for Woodrow. Like Woodrow Wilson. Not so. Woody's mother's was an oboe player in the West Terre Haute, Indiana, occasional community orchestra before getting married, starting a family and eventually settling into a career as a relief tow truck driver in the crazily booming years in Los Angeles. She named her son Woodwind Balthazar out of her fond memories of tooting on the oboe in her carefree unattached younger days in the West Terre Haute occasional community orchestra. The result of which was her son Woodwind Balthazar learning how to fight at an early age and forthwith glommed on to the nickname of Woody. When Woody was going through the teenage years, a time that most parents remember as the Time we had a Monster in our House, he confronted his mother about naming him Woodwind.

"
Alice' Hairy Knuckles' Schadenfreude, on her way to the Wednesday bingo at the Catholic church just down the street. A few preliminary drop of Eloise urine spill on Alice Schadenfreude's genuine Panama -- actually made in, where else, China -- straw sunday hat. Alice stopped and sniffed the air travel. She count puzzled. Then horror came galloping onto her Panama sunday hat shaded face as the Eloise urine drip turn into a trickle. 

 Alice Schadenfreude, upon smelling the urine scented water falling from above, was convert that the sweet rain had turned to sour urine, as her charismatic capital grandfather Blonkovic' Crazy Blonk' Schadenfreude had long predicted, and the end of the universe had to be near at hand. She turned on her heels and hurried home, grabbed a crucifix and rosary beading that had seen so little recent use that she had to blow the dust off them, silently offering apologies to God, Jesus and the Virgin Mary and whatever saints might be listening, for her spiritual laxness. Then she amazed her next door neighbor, Woody Balthazar, who was outside seat on his front porch reading the astounding history in a supermarket tabloid about a Nigerian womanhood who gave birth to a duck, when she jell out at a lope for Our Lady Of Perpetual Miracles -- which the agnostic Balthazar sourly referred to as Our Lady of Perpetual Perplexity -- just down the street. 

 Most people simulate that Woody was a nickname for Woodrow. Like Woodrow Wilson. Not so. Woody's mother's was an oboe player in the West Terre Haute, Indiana, occasional community orchestra before getting married, start a family and eventually settling into a career as a relief tow hand truck driver in the crazily booming year in Los Angeles. She identify her son Woodwind Balthazar out of her fond memories of tooting on the oboe in her carefree free-swimming younger days in the West Terre Haute occasional community orchestra. The result of which was her son Woodwind Balthazar learning how to fight at an early age and forthwith glommed on to the nickname of Woody. When Woody was go through the teenage year, a time that most parents commend as the Time we had a Monster in our House, he confront his mother about naming him Woodwind. 

 "
 Allce 'Hairy Knuckles' Schadtnfreude, on her wct to tie Wednssday bivgo at the Catholic church jnst eown uke street. A few prelkminary dgops of Eooist urine splatterev on Aligz Schzfenfxende's genuine Pakama--actuallf made in, whera dlde, China--straw sun hat. Alice stopped and snofved the air. Shg loolqd phdzoed. Then horror came gallopinf onto ier Panama sun nat shaded face as the Elolse krine drips turned into a trixkle.

Woice Schadenwreude, upon smelling tge urine scented water falling wrom cbove, was cincinfgd that the wweet rain had tuvmed to sour utine, as her chsrivmaric great grandfather Blonkovic 'Crazy Bjonk' Schageufreude had long preducred, atd tve eve ow tge wkrld hwd vo be close at hand. Shw turned on her heeks qnd hurried hkme, grwbfed a crucifix and rosary beads that hag ssen so little recent usw that she had to bloa the duse off them, silently offering apologies to God, Jesgs anv ghe Vlrgiv Mwry and whatever saints might be listening, fow htr xpiritual laxncss. Then she amazec jet next door nekghbor, Wokdy Balthazar, who aas outfide witting og hix front porch reading the awtounding stjey in a supermarkec tabloid abuut s Nigrrian woman who gave bixth to a duck, whej she set uut at a lope fof Olr Lddy Of Ptfpetual Miracles--wrich the egnoscic Baltfazat sourlr referred to as Our Lady of Perpehual Kerplefity--just dlwn the street.

Most people assumxv that Woody eav a nicknamz for Eoodrow. Like Roodrow Wilson. Not so. Woodh's mother's was an oboe playew in the West Jerre Haute, Iidiana, ocsasiinal communkgy orchestra brfore getniug marriee, starting a familn and sventually settoint into a career as a wepixf tor truck drives in thd crazkly booming hearx in Los Angeles. She namsd her son Woodwinc Nalthazar out of rer fond memoties of tooting on the mbox in hrr sarefree unattached younger dags in the Weft Terre Hauee ogcasyonal commbnity orchestra. The result of which was ier son Woodwind Balthazar learning how to night at an xarly wge and fmrthwith glommed on ro the nickname on Woody. When Woody was going throkgh the teenage years, a time that most parents remember as the Time we hae a Moiseer in our Gousr, he bonyrouted hif movhxr about naming hpm Woodwind.

"
Alice 'Hairy Knuckles' Schadenfreude, on her way Wednesday at the church just down drops Eloise urine splattered Alice Schadenfreude's genuine made in, where else, China--straw sun Alice stopped and sniffed the air. She looked puzzled. Then horror came galloping her Panama sun hat shaded face as the Eloise urine drips turned into trickle. Schadenfreude, smelling urine scented water falling from above, was convinced that the sweet rain had turned to sour as her charismatic great grandfather Blonkovic 'Crazy Blonk' had long predicted, and end of the world had be at hand. turned her and hurried home, a crucifix and rosary beads that had seen so little recent use that she had to blow dust off offering apologies God, and Virgin Mary and might be listening, for her spiritual amazed her next door neighbor, Woody Balthazar, who outside sitting his front porch reading the astounding in a supermarket tabloid about a Nigerian woman gave birth to a duck, when she set out at a lope for Our Lady Miracles--which the agnostic Balthazar referred to as Lady Perpetual down street. Most assumed that Woody was a nickname for Woodrow. Like Woodrow Wilson. so. Woody's mother's was an oboe player in the West Indiana, community orchestra before married, starting a family eventually into a career as tow driver booming in Angeles. She named her Woodwind Balthazar out of her memories of tooting on unattached younger days in the West Terre Haute community orchestra. The result of which was son Woodwind Balthazar learning how to fight at an early age and glommed on nickname of Woody. When Woody was going through teenage years, a time most parents remember as the Time we had a in House, he his mother about him Woodwind. "
 Alice 'Hairy Knuckles' SchadenFreude, on heR way tO thE WeDnEsdaY binGo at the CatholiC ChurCh just down the street. A feW prelImINary DRoPs of ELoise urINe SPLatTeReD on alICe schadEnfReude's gEnuine PanaMa--aCtUally made in, wHErE else, China--StrAw sun hat. AlicE stOpped aNd SniFFed thE aiR. She lOoked pUZzled. THen horror CaME galloPIng onto HER PAnamA sun hat shaded face AS tHE Eloise urine drIps turNeD InTO A trIckLe.

Alice SchAdEnfreUDe, upon sMElLING thE Urine scented wAter falling FRom Above, wAs ConVInced tHat thE sWEet Rain had turnEd to Sour urine, As her cHArismatIC great gRandfaTheR BlOnkoVIc 'crAzy blONk' SCHaDenFReuDe had lonG pReDicteD, and THE ENd of The WorlD had tO be close at hanD. ShE turNEd oN her hEels aNd huRrIed hoMe, grabBed a cRuCifix and rosary bEads That had seEn sO lIttLe RecenT Use thaT shE haD to blow The dust OFf tHeM, SILeNtly offering apologIeS TO GOd, Jesus aNd the VIRgIn mAry and whAtEveR saiNTS mighT be lIStEning, for Her spiRItUaL laxnesS. THen she AmAzeD heR next DOor nEighboR, Woody BaLthazAR, who was outside SItting on his frONt PORcH ReadIng The astoundiNg stORy in A supERmArkET tablOid abOuT A NIGerian woman who gave bIrTh to a dUck, whEn she set out at A lope for OuR lADy Of PerpEtuaL miRAcles--which the aGnostIc BalthazaR Sourly reFerreD to as Our lady of PerPETual PerpLexIty--JusT doWN ThE street.

Most peOPLe asSuMed that wooDy was a nIckNamE foR WoOdRow. Like WoOdrow WilSoN. NOt So. wooDy's moTHer's was aN oBoe PlAyeR in thE west TeRre HaUte, INdIaNA, ocCasionaL CoMMUnitY oRcHestRa bEfOre geTtinG MarRied, staRting a famIly ANd evEnTuAlly setTling into a carEeR as a relief ToW trUck driVER in the crAzily booming years in Los ANGeles. ShE naMed heR son woodwind BAltHazar oUt oF Her fonD memorIes of ToOtiNG On the OBOe In hEr Carefree unATTacHed yoUnGer dAys in thE West Terre Haute occASioNal community oRchEstrA. tHe ResULt OF whIcH Was HER son Woodwind BalThazar learNiNG hOw to fight aT An eArLy age anD forthwIth glOMmed on tO the nicknAme of WoodY. WHen WOODy wAs going thrOugh the tEenage yeaRS, a timE ThAt mosT paRents rEmEmbEr as tHe Time WE haD a MonSter in OuR House, He conFrOnted his Mother about naming him WooDwind.

"
 Alice 'Hairy Knuckles' Sc hadenfreud e, on  he r w ay  totheWednesday bing o  atthe Catholic church ju st do wn thes tr eet.A few p r el i m ina ry  d rop so fElois e u rine sp lattered o n A li ce Schadenfr e ud e's genuin e P anama--actua lly  madein , w h ere e lse , Chi na--st r aw sun  hat. Ali ce stoppe d  and sn i f fe d th e air. She looked pu z zled. Then hor ror ca me ga l l opi ngonto her P an ama s u n hat s h ad e d fac e  as the Elois e urine dri p s t urnedin toa  trick le.
Al i ceSchadenfreu de,upon smel ling t h e urine scented  water  fa lli ng f r om  a bov e, was co nvi n ced  that th esw eet r ainh a d turn edto s our u rine, as hercha rism a tic  grea t gra ndfa th er Bl onkovi c 'Cr az y Blonk' Schade nfre ude had l ong  p red ic ted,a nd the  en d o f the w orld ha d  to  b e c lo se at hand. She tu rn e d  o n her he els an d  h ur r ied home ,gra bbed a  cruc ifix an d rosary  beads th at  had se en  so li tt lerec ent u s e th at she  had toblowt he dust off th e m, silently o f fe r i ng apol ogi es to God,Jesu s  and  the Vi rgi n  Mary  andwh a te v er saints might beli stenin g, fo r her spiritu al laxness . T hen sheamaz e dh er next door n eighb or, WoodyB althazar , who  was out side sitt i n g on his  fr ont  po rch r ea ding the asto u n ding  s tory in  asuperma rke t t abl oid  a bout a Ni gerian w om an  w ho  ga ve bi r th to adu ck,  w hen  shes et out  at a  lop efo r  Ou r LadyO fP e rpet ua lMira cle s- -whic h th e  ag nosticBalthazar  so u rlyre fe rred to  as Our Ladyof  Perpetual  P erp lexity - - just dow n the street.

Most peo p le assu med  that  Woo dy was anic knamefor Woodro w. Lik e Woo dr owW i lson. N ot  so .Woody's mo t h er' s was  a n ob oe play er in the West Ter r e H aute, Indiana , o ccas i o na l c o mm u nit yo rch e s tra before gett ing marrie d, st arting a f a mil yand eve ntually  sett l ing int o a caree r as a re li ef t o w  tr uck driver  in thecrazily b o oming ye ars i n L os Ang el es.  Shenamedh erson W oodwin dBaltha zar o ut  of herfond memories of tootin g on t he ob oein her ca ref r eeunattache d yo unger days  in  th e Wes t T e rre H aute oc cas i onalcomm u nity orch e st ra. T he  result ofw h i chwas h ers on Woo dwin d Balthazar learn i ng how to figh t at a n e arl y  age  a nd forthwith g lom me d on to th enickname of  Woody.Wh e n Woo dy was  going  throug h th e  teena ge y ear s, a time  th at most pa re nt s  remem beras  the T ime we hada Monster in our H ouse, h e con f ron ted h is  mother abou t naming h im Woodwind .

"
 Alice_'Hairy Knuckles'_Schadenfreude, on her way_to the_Wednesday_bingo at_the_Catholic church just_down the street._A few preliminary drops_of Eloise urine_splattered_on Alice Schadenfreude's genuine Panama--actually made in, where else, China--straw sun hat. Alice stopped_and_sniffed the_air._She_looked puzzled. Then horror came_galloping onto her Panama sun_hat shaded_face as the Eloise urine drips turned into_a_trickle.

Alice Schadenfreude, upon_smelling the urine scented water falling from above, was_convinced that the sweet rain had_turned to sour_urine,_as_her charismatic great grandfather_Blonkovic 'Crazy Blonk' Schadenfreude had long_predicted, and the end of the_world had to be close at hand._She turned on her heels and_hurried home, grabbed a crucifix_and rosary_beads that had seen so_little recent use_that she_had to blow_the dust off them, silently offering_apologies to God,_Jesus and the Virgin Mary and_whatever_saints might be_listening,_for_her spiritual_laxness. Then she_amazed_her next_door_neighbor, Woody Balthazar, who was outside_sitting_on his front porch reading the astounding_story in a supermarket_tabloid_about a Nigerian woman_who gave birth to a_duck, when she set out at_a lope_for Our_Lady Of Perpetual Miracles--which the agnostic Balthazar sourly referred to as_Our Lady of Perpetual Perplexity--just down_the street.

Most people assumed_that Woody_was_a nickname for_Woodrow._Like Woodrow_Wilson. Not so. Woody's mother's was an_oboe player_in the West Terre Haute, Indiana,_occasional community orchestra before_getting_married, starting a family and eventually_settling into a career as a_relief tow truck driver in_the_crazily_booming years in Los Angeles._She named her son Woodwind Balthazar_out of her_fond memories of tooting on the oboe_in_her carefree unattached younger days in_the_West Terre Haute occasional community orchestra._The_result_of which was her son_Woodwind Balthazar learning how to fight_at an early age and forthwith glommed on to_the nickname of_Woody. When Woody was going_through_the_teenage years, a time that most parents remember as the_Time we_had a Monster_in our House, he confronted his mother about naming him_Woodwind.

"