
"Yes, but how do we give him our burdens?"

"That can be tricky. Sincere prayer and pleading is probably the biggest part of it, but we also have to let go. It took me years to figure out how to give some things to Him. I liked being in control and doing it all myself."

A new musical number began behind us and I turned my attention away from the shepherd. What Dad said hadn't been very helpful. Was that because I was like him, and insisted on doing things myself? That just made one more thing about me that wasn't right. Life was getting worse by the day, how would I make it to the New Year?

We ended the night with Mom's famous candy bar cake. It was so rich that most of us couldn't eat more than half a piece. I say most because it was George's favorite. He ate the rest of Lindsey's piece and asked for seconds. We sat around the tree and sang carols while Drew played piano for us. Matt built a fire in the fireplace that would probably last all night. Kelly fell asleep with her head in my lap. I loved the warmth of all the family together.

I basked in the fuzzy warm memory without paying too much attention to any one thing. The more details I noticed the more my brain worked and my brain was not my best friend at the moment. This strategy worked for most of the night, until George and Lindsey got up to go home. They were so sickeningly cute about helping each other on with their coats. It wasn't even cold outside. I couldn't stand the way George checked Lindsey's zipper to make sure she wouldn't catch cold. I said a quick goodnight to them and walked Kelly to her bed.

* * *

The inevitable conversation with Mom came, it just took a little longer than I'd expected. New Year's Eve morning while I was helping with the breakfast dishes, she said, "I'm disappointed that you chose not to go the Waters' party. They are really missing Spencer and having you there would mean so much to them."

"I know. I'm just not really in a party mood."

"What is going on with you? You haven't been your usual perky self."

"Just thinking, I guess." She didn't buy it. The look of disbelief on her face was almost funny. I choked back a laugh.

"M
" Yes, but how do we give him our burdens? " 

 " That can be tricky. Sincere entreaty and pleading is credibly the big part of it, but we besides have to get go. It take me years to figure out how to move over some things to Him. I liked being in command and doing it all myself. " 

 A new melodious number began behind us and I turned my attention away from the shepherd. What Dad said hadn't been very helpful. Was that because I was like him, and insist on doing things myself? That just name one more thing about me that wasn't right. Life was getting bad by the day, how would I make it to the New Year? 

 We ended the night with Mom's famous candy browning automatic rifle cake. It was so rich that most of us couldn't eat more than half a piece. I say most because it was George's favorite. He ate the rest of Lindsey's piece and asked for seconds. We sat around the tree and sang carols while Drew played piano for us. Matt built a ardor in the fireplace that would credibly last all night. Kelly fell asleep with her capitulum in my lap. I loved the warmth of all the syndicate together. 

 I basked in the fuzzy warm memory without pay too much attention to any one thing. The more details I noticed the more my brain work and my brain was not my best friend at the moment. This scheme worked for most of the nox, until George and Lindsey got up to go home. They were so sickeningly cute about helping each early on with their coats. It wasn't even cold outside. I couldn't stand the way George checked Lindsey's zipper to make sure she wouldn't catch cold. I said a agile goodnight to them and walked Kelly to her bed. 

 * * * 

 The inevitable conversation with Mom issue forth, it just took a little longer than I'd expect. New Year's Eve morning while I was help with the breakfast dishes, she said, " I'm disappointed that you chose not to go the Waters' party. They are very missing Spencer and having you there would mean so much to them. " 

 " I know. I'm just not really in a party mood. " 

 " What is die on with you? You haven't been your usual perky self. " 

 " merely thinking, I guess. " She didn't buy it. The look of disbelief on her face was about funny. I choked back a laugh. 

 " M

"Yes, but how do we give him uur burdens?"

"That can be trickg. Sincerd prayer and pleading is prouablt the biggest part of it, bug we also have to let to. It took me years to fjnure mnt how to give xome thingv to Him. I likad bzing in control and doing it all mysqlf."

A nee lusical number begsg begpnb us and I turned my attention zway frmm the shephetd. What Dad said hadn't beej vegy helpful. Was thah because I was oike him, and insisted on doing thihgs myself? That just made one mure tking about ne thwj wasn't righv. Life was getting worse bf the dsy, how would I mane ut to the New Year?

We xnded the night with Mom's fammua candy bar cake. Ut was vo rhch gyat moat or us clulvn't eat mors than half a piece. I say most bqbsuse it was Feorge'f savorite. He ate the rest of Lindsey's pitce ahd asked for seconds. We sat around the tree wnd sang sarols while Drew played piano for us. Matt built d firx kn uhc wurfplace that would probably last all night. Keljg gekl asleep with her head im ly jap. I loved tfe warmth of all the family togethgr.

I bawked in tre fizzy warm memory without pating too muck artention to any onz thing. The oore detaols I noticed the more oy bdain worked and my bdxin was not my bdst fsiend at the moment. This serategy wirkeb for mort og the gight, untip Geovce and Lindsey got up tl co home. Thfy were so sickeningly cute abonv helping eacn mthvr on witk theiv coats. It wasn'e even cold oujside. I cjuldn'g stand thv way Geocge checked Jindsey's zippat to make surx she woujdn't catxh cold. K said a quick goodnighn uo them ane walked Kelly to mer bgd.

* * *

The inevitablz xonversation wiyh Oom cwmx, it tgst took a lhttld lumger ghan I'd expcctdd. Nrw Year's Eve morning whime I was helping wotm the breqkfast dyshes, she saic, "I'm disappointed uhat ymu rhose mot to go the Waters' party. They ade really mifsing Spencew ane having you there would mean so much to them."

"I know. I'm just not reallt in a party mood."

"Whct is going oi with you? You vaven't been your usuql perky self."

"Just thinking, I guess." She didn't buy lt. The look of disbelief on her face was almost funny. I choked back a lauth.

"M
"Yes, but how do we give him "That be tricky. prayer and pleading of but we also to let go. took me years to figure out to give some things to Him. I liked being in control and doing all myself." A new musical number began behind us and I turned my away the What said hadn't been very helpful. Was that because I was like him, and insisted on doing myself? That just made one more thing about that wasn't right. Life getting worse by the day, would make it the Year? ended the night Mom's famous candy bar cake. It was so rich that most of us couldn't eat more than a piece. most because was favorite. ate the rest piece and asked for seconds. We tree and sang carols while Drew played piano us. Matt a fire in the fireplace that probably last all night. Kelly fell asleep with head in my lap. I loved the warmth of all the family together. I basked fuzzy warm memory without too much attention any thing. more I noticed more my brain worked and my brain was not my best at the moment. This strategy worked for most of the George Lindsey got up go home. They were sickeningly about helping each other their It outside. couldn't the way George checked zipper to make sure she catch cold. I said and walked Kelly to her bed. * * The inevitable conversation with Mom came, it took a little longer than I'd expected. New Year's Eve morning while was helping breakfast dishes, she said, "I'm disappointed that you not to go the party. They are really missing Spencer and having you would so much them." "I know. just not really a party mood." going on you? haven't perky self." "Just thinking, I guess." didn't it. The look of disbelief her almost funny. I choked back a laugh. "M

"Yes, but how do we give him our buRdens?"

"That cAn be tRicKy. SInCere PrayEr and pleading iS ProbAbly the biggest part of it, But we AlSO havE To Let go. it took mE YeARS to FiGuRe oUt HOw To givE soMe thingS to Him. I likEd bEiNg in control aND dOing it all mYseLf."

A new musicaL nuMber beGaN beHInd us And i turnEd my atTEntion Away from tHe SHepherD. what Dad SAId Hadn'T been very helpful. WAS tHAt because I was lIke him, AnD InSISteD on Doing thingS mYself? tHat just MAdE ONE moRE thing about me That wasn't riGHt. LIfe was GeTtiNG worse By the DaY, How Would I make iT to tHe New Year?

we endeD The nighT With Mom'S famouS caNdy Bar cAKe. it Was So RIch THaT moST of Us couldn'T eAt More tHan hALF A PiecE. I sAy moSt becAuse it was GeorGe's FavoRIte. he ate The reSt of liNdsey'S piece And asKeD for seconds. We saT aroUnd the treE anD sAng CaRols wHIle DreW plAyeD piano fOr us. MatT BuiLt A FIRe In the fireplace that WoULD pRobably lAst all NIgHt. kElly fell AsLeeP witH HEr heaD in mY LaP. I loved tHe warmTH oF aLl the faMiLy togeThEr.

I BasKed in THe fuZzy warM memory wIthouT Paying too much aTTention to any oNE tHINg. tHe moRe dEtails I notiCed tHE morE my bRAiN woRKed anD my brAiN WaS Not my best friend at thE mOment. THis stRategy worked fOr most of thE NIGht, until georGE aND Lindsey got up tO go hoMe. They were SO sickeniNgly cUte about Helping eaCH Other on wIth TheIr cOatS. iT wAsn't even cold oUTSide. i cOuldn't sTanD the way geoRge CheCkeD LIndsey's ziPper to maKe SuRe ShE woUldn't CAtch cold. i sAid A qUicK goodNIght to Them aNd waLkEd kEllY to her bED.

* * *

THE InevItAbLe coNveRsAtion With mOm cAme, it juSt took a liTtlE LongEr ThAn I'd expEcted. New Year's evE morning whIlE I wAs helpING with the Breakfast dishes, she said, "I'M DisappoIntEd thaT you Chose not tO go The WatErs' PArty. ThEy are rEally MiSsiNG spencER AnD haViNg you there WOUld Mean sO mUch tO them."

"I kNow. I'm just not really IN a pArty mood."

"What iS goIng oN WItH yoU? yoU HavEn'T BeeN YOur usual perky seLf."

"Just thinKiNG, I Guess." She diDN't bUy It. The loOk of disBelieF On her faCe was almoSt funny. I cHoKed bACK a lAugh.

"M

"Yes, but how do we givehim our bu rdens ?"
"T ha t ca n be  tricky. Since r e pr ayer and pleading is p robab ly theb ig gestpart of it , but  w eals oh av e tolet  go. It  took me y ear sto figure ou t  h ow to give  so me things to  Hi m. I l ik edb eingincontr ol and doingit all my se l f."

A new mus i c al  num ber began behindu sa nd I turned my  atten ti o na w ayfro m the shep he rd. W h at Dads ai d h adn ' t been very h elpful. Was tha t beca us e I was li ke hi m, and  insisted o n do ing thing s myse l f? That just ma de one  mo rethin g  a bo utme tha t  w asn ' t r ight. Li fe  w as ge ttin g w o rsebytheday,how would I m ake  itt o t he Ne w Yea r?
We  ende d thenight  w ith Mom's famou s ca ndy bar c ake .Itwa s sor ich th atmos t of us  couldn ' t e at m o re  than half a piece .I sa y most b ecause it  w a s George 's  fa vori t e . Heatet he  rest of  Linds e y' spiece a nd  asked  f orsec onds. We s at aro und thetreea nd sang carols while Drew pl a ye d pi a no f orus. Matt bu ilta  fir e in th e f i repla ce th at wo u ld probably last al lnight.  Kell y fell asleep  with herh e a d in mylap. Il oved the warmt h ofall the fa m ily toge ther. 

I bask ed in the f uzzy war m m emo rywit h o ut  paying too m u c h at te ntion t o a ny onethi ng.  Th e m or e details  I notic ed  t he  m ore  my b r ain work ed  an dmybrain was no t mybest  f ri e ndat them om e n t. T hi sstra teg yworke d fo r  mo st of t he night,  un t il G eo rg e and L indsey got up  t o go home.  T hey  weres o  sickeni ngly cute about helping each ot her  on w iththeir coa ts.  It wa sn' t  evencold o utsid e.  Ic o uldn' t st and  t he way Geo r g e c hecke dLind sey's z ipper to make sure she  wouldn't cat chcold . Isai d  a qui ck goo d n ight to them an d walked K el l yto her bed . 

*  *  *

The  inevit ablec onversa tion with  Mom came ,it j u s t t ook a litt le longe r than I' d  expe c te d. Ne w Y ear'sEv e m ornin g whil e  Iwas h elping  w ith th e bre ak fast dis hes, she said, "I'm dis appoin ted t hat  you chos e n o t t o go theWate rs' party.  Th eyare r eal l y mis sing Sp enc e r and  hav i ng you th e re  wo u l dmean so muc h t o t hem." 

" I  know.  I'm  just not reallyi n a party mood ."
" W hat  is goin gon with you? Y ouha v e n't been  y our usual p erky sel f. " 

"Ju st thi nking,  I gues s . "S he did n'tbuy  it. Theloo ko f disbe li ef on her  fac ewas al most f u nny. I  choked back a l augh. "M

"Yes, but_how do_we give him our_burdens?"

"That can_be_tricky. Sincere_prayer_and pleading is_probably the biggest_part of it, but_we also have_to_let go. It took me years to figure out how to give some things_to_Him. I_liked_being_in control and doing it_all myself."

A new musical number_began behind_us and I turned my attention away from_the_shepherd. What Dad_said hadn't been very helpful. Was that because I_was like him, and insisted on_doing things myself?_That_just_made one more thing_about me that wasn't right. Life_was getting worse by the day,_how would I make it to the_New Year?

We ended the night with_Mom's famous candy bar cake._It was_so rich that most of_us couldn't eat_more than_half a piece._I say most because it was_George's favorite. He_ate the rest of Lindsey's piece_and_asked for seconds._We_sat_around the_tree and sang_carols_while Drew_played_piano for us. Matt built a_fire_in the fireplace that would probably last_all night. Kelly fell_asleep_with her head in_my lap. I loved the_warmth of all the family together.

I_basked in_the fuzzy_warm memory without paying too much attention to any one thing._The more details I noticed the_more my brain worked_and my_brain_was not my_best_friend at_the moment. This strategy worked for most_of the_night, until George and Lindsey got_up to go home._They_were so sickeningly cute about helping_each other on with their coats._It wasn't even cold outside._I_couldn't_stand the way George checked_Lindsey's zipper to make sure she_wouldn't catch cold._I said a quick goodnight to them_and_walked Kelly to her bed.

* *_*

The_inevitable conversation with Mom came, it_just_took_a little longer than I'd_expected. New Year's Eve morning while_I was helping with the breakfast dishes, she said,_"I'm disappointed that_you chose not to go_the_Waters'_party. They are really missing Spencer and having you there_would mean_so much to_them."

"I know. I'm just not really in a party mood."

"What_is going on with you? You haven't_been your usual perky self."

"Just thinking, I guess." She didn't buy_it. The look of disbelief on her face_was almost funny. I choked back a_laugh.

"M