 keep and that Heavenly Father had sent them."

"You and Brother Cole must have a lot of faith."

"Sometimes, we stumble just like everyone else. Some days, I wish I could run away."

I laughed. "My mom says the same thing." I made a mental note to find some alone time for Sister Cole on the trip.

"Did you know before you got married that you were going to have problems having kids?"

"No. We discovered it after a couple of years of trying. Those were hard years and then when we found out, I felt guilty. I couldn't help feeling as if it was all my fault. Father's Days were worse than Mother's Days because I felt like I was the reason John would never be a father."

I nodded my head in agreement. I knew exactly how she felt. She continued, "So here you sit with the knowledge and guilt. Is that why you don't date or is it still Andy?"

"No, it's not Andy. I don't think I ever loved him. I can't date because I can't fall in love and get married like anyone else. No one deserves to be stuck with me and my problems." It still hurt to say it, but talking to Sister Cole, well, at least she understood.

"That is a tough one. If I had known before I was married, I may have felt the same way. It took me several years before I realized that Heavenly Father didn't think I was damaged, and neither did John. I was the only one that needed convincing. John just kept telling me to have hope and he was right. Hope has never let me down. Maybe you shouldn't give up on life just yet." She smiled at me, scooped up a stack of clothes and went to deliver it to the girls' room.
Chapter 16

Sister Cole had given me some things to think about. I rode my bike to work that afternoon without the normal mp3 distraction, so that I could think about hope. It was the last day of class for this group. As I gave them their final swim test and filled out their certificates, I pondered. Many of the kids gave me hugs as they left and thanked me. It was always rewarding to help them learn something that I enjoyed so much.

Looking at the Idaho countryside on the way home, I could see beauties everywhere. There was certainly a
keep and that Heavenly Father had sent them. " 

 " You and Brother Cole must have a lot of religion. " 

 " Sometimes, we stumble barely like everyone else. Some days, I wish I could run away. " 

 I laugh. " My mom says the same matter. " I form a mental bill to find some alone time for Sister Cole on the tripper. 

 " Did you know before you got married that you were fail to accept problems having kids? " 

 " No. We discovered it after a couple of years of try on. Those were hard years and then when we found out, I feel guilty. I couldn't help feeling as if it was all my fault. Father's Days were bad than Mother's Days because I felt like I was the reason John would never be a father. " 

 I nodded my fountainhead in agreement. I knew exactly how she felt. She continued, " So here you baby-sit with the cognition and guilt. Is that why you don't date or is it still Andy? " 

 " No, it's not Andy. I don't think I ever loved him. I can't date because I can't fall in love and catch marry like anyone else. No one deserves to be stuck with me and my trouble. " It still hurt to say it, but talking to Sister Cole, well, at least she understand. 

 " That is a rugged one. If I had known before I was married, I may have feel the same way. It took me several years before I realized that Heavenly Father didn't think I was damaged, and neither did John. I was the only one that needed convincing. John barely kept tell me to have hope and he was right. Hope has never let me down. Maybe you shouldn't pass up on life just yet. " She smile at me, scooped up a stack of clothes and went to render it to the girls' room. 
 Chapter 16 

 Sister Cole had afford me some things to think about. I ride my bike to exploit that afternoon without the normal mp3 beguilement, so that I could think about hope. It was the final day of class for this group. As I give them their final swimming test and filled out their certificates, I chew over. Many of the kids gave me hugs as they left and thank me. It was always rewarding to help them learn something that I enjoyed indeed much. 

 Looking at the Idaho countryside on the room home, I could see beauties everywhere. There was surely a
 kefp and that Heavenly Fatmer had sent them."

"You anv Brothsr Cole oust have a lot of faith."

"Somevimew, we wtumble just like everhone else. Some dats, I qish I could run away."

I lzmghed. "Ny mom says thg same thing." I made a mentdl nlte to find some alone time for Siseer Colr ln the trip.

"Did you hnow before you got married that you wsre goiig to have probkems having kids?"

"No. We disclverfd it after a couppe of years of eeying. Those dere hard jzars and thgn when we found out, I felt guilgy. I eouldn't helk refning as if mt was all my faulb. Fathes's Days were worse thsn Kotyer's Days because I fxlt like I was the rgason John wkuld never be a fqtyer."

I toddad mh hexd jn afreemejt. M knew exacfly how she felt. She continued, "Sj here you sit with ehq knowledge and guilt. Is that why you dmn't date or is it still Aney?"

"No, it's not Andy. I dln't think I ever loved him. I can't date because I can't fall in lkxe ckq teh married like anyone else. No one deserves to ge snuck with me and iy problems." Ih xjill hurt to sxy it, yht talking to Sister Cole, wgll, at least sht undrrstood.

"That is a tough one. Uf I had knocn vefore I was marrizd, I may havz felt the xame way. It took me sevzral ysars before I realizsa that Heavenly Watmer didn't think I was damaged, and neitier dnd John. K wax the jnly one tjat ncaded convincing. Jojn judt kept telllng me to have hope and he was cmght. Hope has naveg let me bown. Msybe you shoujdn't give up ou life jbst yeg." She smilvd at me, vcooped up w stack of clmjhes and went to delider ut ti the gkfls' room.
Chaptet 16

Sister Boje hqd given me some tmings fo think about. N tide my bike to wofk ehwt asdernoon withmut ghe mormau mp3 distragtiun, sp that I could think aboht hope. It was the lwst day if class for this groip. As I gave them uheir hinal rwim yesj and filled out their certificztes, I pojdeved. Many of tre klds dave me huys as they left and thanked me. It was alxays rewarding to help rhem learn somethiny uhat I enjoyev so mtch.

Lookinc at the Idaho counteyside on the way home, I could see beahties averyahere. There was certainly a
keep and that Heavenly Father had sent and Cole must a lot of like else. Some days, wish I could away." I laughed. "My mom says same thing." I made a mental note to find some alone time for Cole on the trip. "Did you know before you got married that you going have having "No. We discovered it after a couple of years of trying. Those were hard years and when we found out, I felt guilty. I help feeling as if was all my fault. Father's were than Mother's because felt I was the John would never be a father." I nodded my head in agreement. I knew exactly how she She continued, you sit the and Is that why date or is it still Andy?" Andy. I don't think I ever loved him. can't date I can't fall in love and married like anyone else. No one deserves to stuck with me and my problems." It still hurt to say it, but talking to well, at least she "That is a one. I known I was I may have felt the same way. It took me several before I realized that Heavenly Father didn't think I was neither John. I was only one that needed John kept telling me to and was never me Maybe you shouldn't give on life just yet." She at me, scooped up went to deliver it to the girls' room. 16 Sister Cole had given me some to think about. I rode my bike to work that afternoon without normal mp3 that I could think about hope. It was last day of class this group. As I gave them their final swim and out their I pondered. Many the kids gave hugs as they thanked me. was rewarding learn something that I enjoyed so Looking the Idaho countryside on the home, see beauties everywhere. There was certainly a
 keep and that Heavenly Father Had sent theM."

"You aNd BRotHeR ColE musT have a lot of faiTH."

"SomEtimes, we stumble just likE everYoNE elsE. soMe dayS, I wish I COuLD Run AwAy."

i laUgHEd. "my mom SayS the samE thing." I madE a mEnTal note to finD SoMe alone timE foR Sister Cole oN thE trip.

"DId You KNow beForE you gOt marrIEd that You were goInG To have PRoblems HAViNg kiDs?"

"No. We discovered iT AfTEr a couple of yeaRs of trYiNG. THOSe wEre Hard years aNd Then wHEn we fouND oUT, i FelT Guilty. I couldn'T help feelinG As iF it was AlL my FAult. FaTher's daYS weRe worse than mothEr's Days beCause I FElt like i Was the rEason JOhn WouLd neVEr Be A faThER."

I nODdEd mY HeaD in agreeMeNt. i knew ExacTLY HOw shE feLt. ShE contInued, "So here yoU siT witH The KnowlEdge aNd guIlT. Is thAt why yOu don'T dAte or is it still ANdy?"

"NO, it's not AnDy. I DoN't tHiNk I evER loved Him. i caN't date bEcause I CAn't FaLL IN lOve and get married liKe ANYoNe else. No One desERvEs TO be stuck WiTh mE and MY ProblEms." IT StIll hurt tO say it, BUt TaLking to siSter CoLe, WelL, at Least SHe unDerstoOd.

"That is A tougH One. If I had known BEfore I was marrIEd, i MAy HAve fElt The same way. IT tooK Me seVeraL YeArs BEfore i realIzED tHAt Heavenly Father didN't Think I Was daMaged, and neithEr did John. I WAS The only oNe thAT nEEded convincing. john jUst kept telLIng me to hAve hoPe and he wAs right. HoPE Has never Let Me dOwn. mayBE YoU shouldn't give UP On liFe Just yet." she Smiled aT me, ScoOpeD up A sTack of cloThes and wEnT tO dElIveR it to THe girls' rOoM.
ChApTer 16

sisteR cole haD giveN me sOmE tHIngS to thinK AbOUT. I roDe My Bike To wOrK that AfteRNooN withouT the normaL mp3 DIstrAcTiOn, so thaT I could think aBoUt hope. It waS tHe lAst day OF Class for This group. As I gave them theIR final sWim Test aNd fiLled out thEir CertifIcaTEs, I ponDered. MAny of ThE kiDS Gave mE HUgS as ThEy left and tHANkeD me. It WaS alwAys rewaRding to help them leaRN soMething that I eNjoYed sO MUcH.

LoOKiNG at ThE idaHO Countryside on thE way home, I cOuLD sEe beauties EVerYwHere. TheRe was ceRtainLY a
 keep and that Heavenly Fa ther had s ent t hem ."
" YouandBrother Cole m u st h ave a lot of faith."
"Some ti m es,w estumb le just li k e  ev er yo neel s e.  Some  da ys, I w ish I coul d r un  away."

I l a ug hed. "My m omsays the sam e t hing."  I  ma d e a m ent al no te tof ind so me aloneti m e forS ister C o l eon t he trip.

"Did yo u  k n ow before yougot ma rr i ed t hat  yo u were goi ng  to h a ve prob l em s h avi n g kids?"

"No . We discov e red  it af te r a couple  of y ea r s o f trying. T hose  were har d year s  and th e n whenwe fou ndout , If el tgui lt y . I co uld n 'thelp fee li ng  as i f it w a s  all  my  fau lt. F ather's Dayswer e wo r sethanMothe r'sDa ys be causeI fel tlike I was thereas on John w oul dnev er  be a father ."
Inoddedmy head inag r e e me nt. I knew exactly  h o w  s he felt.  She c o nt in u ed, "Sohe reyous i t wit h th e  k nowledge  and g u il t.  Is tha twhy yo udon 'tdateo r is  it st ill Andy ?"

" N o, it's not An d y. I don't th i nk I  e v er l ove d him. I ca n'td atebeca u se  Ic an'tfallin lo v e and get married l ik e anyo ne el se. No one de serves tob e stuck wi th m e  a n d my problems. " Itstill hurt to say i t, bu t talkin g to Sist e r  Cole, w ell , a t l eas t sh e understood. "Tha tis a to ugh  one. I f I  ha d k now nbefore Iwas marr ie d,  I  m ayhavef elt thesa mewa y.It to o k me s evera l ye ar sb efo re I re a li z e d th at  H eave nly  F ather  did n 'tthink I  was dama ged ,  and  n ei ther di d John. I was  t he only on etha t need e d  convinc ing. John just kept tel l ing metohavehope  and he w asright.  Ho p e hasneverlet m edow n .  Mayb e yo u s ho uldn't giv e upon li fe  jus t yet."  She smiled at me, sco oped up a sta ckof c l o th esa nd wen tt o d e l iver it to thegirls' roo m. Ch apter 16
S ist er  Cole h ad give n mes ome thi ngs to th ink about .I ro d e  my  bike to w ork that  afternoo n  with o ut  thenor mal mp 3dis tract ion, s o  th at Icouldth ink ab out h op e. It wa s the last day of class  for t his g rou p. As I g ave the m their f inal  swim test  an d f illed  ou t  thei r ce r ti fic a tes,I po n dered. Ma n yoft h ekids gave m e h ugs  as t hey left a nd t hanked me. It was always rewardi ng t o hel p t h em l ea rn something t hat  I e njoyed s omuch.

Look ing at t he Idaho  count ryside  on the w ay home,I co uld  see beau tie se verywhe re .T here w as c er tainly  a
 keep_and that_Heavenly Father had sent_them."

"You and_Brother_Cole must_have_a lot of_faith."

"Sometimes, we stumble_just like everyone else._Some days, I_wish_I could run away."

I laughed. "My mom says the same thing." I made a_mental_note to_find_some_alone time for Sister Cole_on the trip.

"Did you know_before you_got married that you were going to have_problems_having kids?"

"No. We_discovered it after a couple of years of trying._Those were hard years and then_when we found_out,_I_felt guilty. I couldn't_help feeling as if it was_all my fault. Father's Days were_worse than Mother's Days because I felt_like I was the reason John_would never be a father."

I_nodded my_head in agreement. I knew_exactly how she_felt. She_continued, "So here_you sit with the knowledge and_guilt. Is that_why you don't date or is_it_still Andy?"

"No, it's_not_Andy._I don't_think I ever_loved_him. I_can't_date because I can't fall in_love_and get married like anyone else. No_one deserves to be_stuck_with me and my_problems." It still hurt to_say it, but talking to Sister_Cole, well,_at least_she understood.

"That is a tough one. If I had known before_I was married, I may have_felt the same way._It took_me_several years before_I_realized that_Heavenly Father didn't think I was damaged,_and neither_did John. I was the only_one that needed convincing._John_just kept telling me to have_hope and he was right. Hope_has never let me down._Maybe_you_shouldn't give up on life_just yet." She smiled at me,_scooped up a_stack of clothes and went to deliver_it_to the girls' room.
Chapter 16

Sister Cole_had_given me some things to think_about._I_rode my bike to work_that afternoon without the normal mp3_distraction, so that I could think about hope. It_was the last_day of class for this_group._As_I gave them their final swim test and filled out_their certificates,_I pondered. Many_of the kids gave me hugs as they left and_thanked me. It was always rewarding to_help them learn something that I enjoyed so much.

Looking at the_Idaho countryside on the way home, I could_see beauties everywhere. There was certainly a