 the rest of the family from me. I'm not really sure anymore, but I do know you can't stop me from doing the show."

My mom and dad seem more shaken by my calm response than my earlier freaking out and yelling. Dad recovers first and barrels on. "You are living in our house, and under our rules. This show, it was all just a game at first, but now we have the FBI showing up at our house! You're not doing even one more episode, and if you think we can't enforce that, you're sorely mistaken, young lady."

"If you try," I say quietly, "I'll leave."

The sound of my mom bursting into tears kills me, but I can't let myself feel it right now. I shove away any hint of emotion, knowing I desperately need to get through this conversation in one piece if I have any chance of keeping my life from falling apart again. It takes every ounce of courage I have left in my trembling body to face my dad head on. When our gazes lock, I see how drained, how scared he looks, and it hits me squarely in the chest.

I don't cry or yell, or even get upset. I just say what I've needed to say for the past year. For my entire life. "Dad, I know you don't believe me about the ghosts, but it doesn't matter. Believe whatever you want. The fact is, the show is the best way I know of to keep things under control. If you take that away from me, all those years of nightmares and pain and helplessness, it will all come back. It will be worse than before, and I don't know if I can handle that."

Shaking my head, I look at him. "No, I know I can't handle that again. I refuse to go back to how things were before. If you try to take the show away from me, I will leave, not because I don't love you, but because I won't have any other choice. I need to you both to understand that, whether you ever believe me or not."

"Where would you go?" my mom cries.

"Georgia?" my dad demands. "To that Malachi character, whoever he is?"

"I don't know," I say honestly, "but I can't stay here like this for much longer."

I don
the rest of the family from me. I'm not really sure anymore, but I do acknowledge you can't check me from doing the show. " 

 My mom and dad appear more shaken by my calm response than my early freaking out and yell. Dad recovers foremost and barrel on. " You are living in our theater, and under our rules. This show, it was wholly just a game at first, but now we have the FBI showing up at our house! You're not act even one more episode, and if you think we can't enforce that, you're sorely false, young lady. " 

 " If you try, " I say softly, " I'll leave. " 

 The sound of my mom bursting into tears kill me, but I can't let myself feel it right now. I shove away any hint of emotion, knowing I desperately need to get through this conversation in one piece if I have any chance of keeping my life from falling aside again. It take every ounce of courage I have leave in my tremble soundbox to face my dad head on. When our gazes lock, I see how drained, how scared he look, and it hits me squarely in the chest. 

 I don't cry or yell, or even get upset. I precisely say what I've needed to say for the past year. For my integral life. " Dad, I sleep together you don't think me about the ghost, but it doesn't matter. Believe whatever you want. The fact is, the display is the best way I know of to observe thing under control. If you take that off from me, all those years of nightmares and annoyance and helplessness, it will all come back. It will be worse than before, and I don't acknowledge if I can handle that. " 

 shake my head, I look at him. " No, I know I can't handle that again. I refuse to move back to how things were ahead. If you try to take the show away from me, I will leave, not because I don't sleep together you, but because I won't have any other option. I need to you both to understand that, whether you ever think me or not. " 

 " Where would you go? " my mom cries. 

 " Georgia? " my dad demands. " To that Malachi character, whoever he is? " 

 " I don't know, " I say honestly, " but I can't stay here like this for much longer. " 

 I don
 thf rest of the family froo me. I'm not really surx anymode, but I do know you can't stop me frlm doint the show."

My mom and dxd seem mlre shakwn bb my calm response than my earmler fxeeking out and yglling. Dad racovers first dna yarrels on. "You are living in our houfe, and infer our rules. Jhis xrow, jn cas all just a game at first, buf now wt have the FBI shoeing up at our house! You're not doing even one moge episode, qnd yd you think de can't enforce that, yku're sorely mistaken, young lady."

"Kf yob try," I say qyiehny, "I'll leavx."

The sjund of my mom bursthng intp tears kills ke, uut U can't let myself feen it right now. I srove away auy hint of emotion, kniwung I des[eragwly netd vo fet thgoujh this conbersation ib one piece if I hafe qny chance of keepigg my life from falling apart again. It tanes every ounce of courage I have left in my trgmbling boqy to face my dad head on. When our gazes lock, I sae hox arankcd, huq dcared he looks, and it hits me squarely in thq cnext.

I don't cry ov yell, or even get uosrj. I just say wfat I'vz nseded to say for tje past year. For my egtirr life. "Dad, I know you don't velieve me ayour the ghosts, but ic doesn't matcer. Bekieve whatever you want. The yact ia, the show ls the beag way I know of go leap things under control. If you take thac away ffom ke, all those yeags of nightmares and paij and halplessnesd, it will all come back. It will be worse than bafoge, and I bon't kkow if I can hagdle that."

Shakiug my hecd, I luok at him. "No, I kiow I can't hwndle that agdln. I refuse vo go bach to how things dere before. If you try no takw the show away frpm os, I will leave, uuu vecause I don't loxe rol, bnt besduse I won't vave anh othef choict. I veed to you both to undesstahd that, whether yoi cver beligve me or not."

"Where woukd you go?" my mom cgies.

"Gxorgia?" my dsd qemands. "To that Malachi characfer, whoevfr me is?"

"I don't kgow," L sai honestly, "yut I can't stay here like this for much oonger."

I don
the rest of the family from me. really anymore, but do know you the My mom and seem more shaken my calm response than my earlier out and yelling. Dad recovers first and barrels on. "You are living in house, and under our rules. This show, it was all just a game first, now have FBI showing up at our house! You're not doing even one more episode, and if you we can't enforce that, you're sorely mistaken, young "If you try," I quietly, "I'll leave." The sound my bursting into kills but can't let myself it right now. I shove away any hint of emotion, knowing I desperately need to get through conversation in if I any of my life from again. It takes every ounce of left in my trembling body to face my head on. our gazes lock, I see how how scared he looks, and it hits me in the chest. I don't cry or yell, or even get upset. I just say needed to say for past year. For entire "Dad, know don't believe about the ghosts, but it doesn't matter. Believe whatever you want. fact is, the show is the best way I know keep under control. If take that away from all years of nightmares and helplessness, will It be than before, and I know if I can handle Shaking my head, I know I can't handle that again. I refuse go back to how things were before. you try to take the show away from me, I will leave, because I you, but because I won't have any other I need to you to understand that, whether you ever believe me or "Where you go?" mom cries. "Georgia?" dad demands. "To Malachi character, whoever "I don't I honestly, stay here like this for much I
 the rest of the family from me. I'M not really Sure aNymOre, BuT I do Know You can't stop me fROm doIng the show."

My mom and dad sEem moRe SHakeN By My calM responSE tHAN my EaRlIer FrEAkIng ouT anD yellinG. Dad recoveRs fIrSt and barrels ON. "YOu are livinG in Our house, and uNdeR our ruLeS. ThIS show, It wAs all Just a gAMe at fiRst, but now We HAve the fbI showiNG Up At ouR house! You're not doiNG eVEn one more episoDe, and iF yOU tHINk wE caN't enforce tHaT, you'rE Sorely mIStAKEN, yoUNg lady."

"If you trY," I say quietlY, "i'll Leave."

THe SouND of my mOm burStINg iNto tears kilLs me, But I can't lEt myseLF feel it RIght now. i shove AwaY anY hinT Of EmOtiOn, KNowINg i deSPerAtely neeD tO gEt thrOugh THIS ConvErsAtioN in onE piece if I have Any ChanCE of KeepiNg my lIfe fRoM fallIng apaRt agaIn. it takes every ounCe of Courage I hAve LeFt iN mY tremBLing boDy tO faCe my dad Head on. WHEn oUr GAZEs Lock, I see how drained, HoW SCaRed he looKs, and iT HiTs ME squarelY iN thE cheST.

i don't Cry oR YeLl, or even Get upsET. I JuSt say whAt i've neeDeD to Say For thE Past Year. FoR my entirE life. "dAd, I know you don't BElieve me about THe GHOsTS, but It dOesn't matter. beliEVe whAtevER yOu wANt. The Fact iS, tHE sHOw is the best way I know Of To keep ThingS under control. if you take tHAT Away from Me, alL ThOSe years of nightMares And pain and HElplessnEss, it Will all cOme back. It WILl be worsE thAn bEfoRe, aND i dOn't know if I can HANdle ThAt."

ShakiNg mY head, I lOok At hIm. "NO, I kNoW I can't hanDle that aGaIn. i rEfUse To go bACk to how tHiNgs WeRe bEfore. iF you trY to taKe thE sHoW AwaY from me, i WiLL LeavE, nOt BecaUse i dOn't loVe yoU, But Because i won't have Any OTher ChOiCe. I need To you both to unDeRstand that, WhEthEr you eVER believe Me or not."

"Where would you go?" mY Mom crieS.

"GeOrgia?" My daD demands. "TO thAt MalaChi CHaractEr, whoeVer he Is?"

"i doN'T Know," I SAY hOneStLy, "but I can't STAy hEre liKe This For much Longer."

I don
 the rest of the family fr om me. I'm  notrea lly  s ureanym ore, but I dok nowyou can't stop me from  doin gt he s h ow ."

M y mom a n dd a d s ee mmor es ha ken b y m y calmresponse t han  m y earlier fr e ak ing out an d y elling. Dadrec oversfi rst and b arr els o n. "Yo u  are l iving inou r  house ,  and un d e rourrules. This show, it was all just a  gameat fi r s t,but  now we ha ve  theF BI show i ng u p  at our house! Yo u're not do i ngeven o ne  mo r e epis ode,an d  if  you thinkwe c an't enfo rce th a t, you' r e sorel y mist ake n,youn g  l ad y." 
" Ify ou  tr y ,"I say qu ie tl y, "I 'lll e a v e."
Th e so und o f my mom burs tin g in t o t earskills  me,  b ut Ican'tlet m ys elf feel it rig ht n ow. I sho veaw ayan y hin t  of em oti on,  knowin g I des p era te l y ne ed to get throughth i s  c onversat ion in on ep iece ifIhav e an y chanc e of ke eping my  lifef ro mfalling  a part a ga in.  It  take s  eve ry oun ce of co urage I have left in my tremblingb od y to face  my  dad head o n. W h en o ur g a ze s l o ck, I  seeho w  d r ained, how scared h elooks,  andit hits me sq uarely int h e  chest.
I d o n' t  cry or yell,or ev en get ups e t. I jus t say  what I' ve needed t o say fo r t hepas t y e a r.  For my entir e life ."Dad, I  kn ow youdon 'tbel iev eme aboutthe ghos ts ,bu titdoesn ' t matter .Bel ie vewhate v er you  want . Th efa c t i s, thes ho w is t he  b estway  I  know  oft o k eep thi ngs under  co n trol .If  you ta ke that awayfr om me, all  t hos e year s of night mares and pain and help l essness , i t wil l al l come ba ck.  It wi llb e wors e than  befo re , a n d  I do n ' tkno wif I can h a n dle  that ." 

Sh aking m y head, I look ath im.  "No, I knowI c an't h an dle th a t a ga i n.I refuse to go ba ck to howth i ng s were bef o re.  I f you t ry to t ake t h e showaway from  me, I wi ll  lea v e , n ot because  I don't  love you ,  butb ec auseI w on't h av e a ny ot her ch o ice . I n eed to  y ou bot h toun derstand  that, whether you ever  belie ve me  or  not."

" Whe r e w ould yougo?"  my mom cr ies .
"Geor gia ? " mydadd em and s . "To  tha t  Malachic ha rac t e r,  whoever he i s ?"
"I d on' t  know, " Isay honestly, "bu t  I can't stayhere l ike  th i s fo rmuch longer."
Ido n 
 the_rest of_the family from me._I'm not_really_sure anymore,_but_I do know_you can't stop_me from doing the_show."

My mom and_dad_seem more shaken by my calm response than my earlier freaking out and yelling._Dad_recovers first_and_barrels_on. "You are living in_our house, and under our_rules. This_show, it was all just a game at_first,_but now we_have the FBI showing up at our house! You're_not doing even one more episode,_and if you_think_we_can't enforce that, you're_sorely mistaken, young lady."

"If you try,"_I say quietly, "I'll leave."

The sound_of my mom bursting into tears kills_me, but I can't let myself_feel it right now. I_shove away_any hint of emotion, knowing_I desperately need_to get_through this conversation_in one piece if I have_any chance of_keeping my life from falling apart_again._It takes every_ounce_of_courage I_have left in_my_trembling body_to_face my dad head on. When_our_gazes lock, I see how drained, how_scared he looks, and_it_hits me squarely in_the chest.

I don't cry or_yell, or even get upset. I_just say_what I've_needed to say for the past year. For my entire life._"Dad, I know you don't believe_me about the ghosts,_but it_doesn't_matter. Believe whatever_you_want. The_fact is, the show is the best_way I_know of to keep things under_control. If you take_that_away from me, all those years_of nightmares and pain and helplessness,_it will all come back._It_will_be worse than before, and_I don't know if I can_handle that."

Shaking my_head, I look at him. "No, I_know_I can't handle that again. I_refuse_to go back to how things_were_before._If you try to take_the show away from me, I_will leave, not because I don't love you, but_because I won't_have any other choice. I_need_to_you both to understand that, whether you ever believe me_or not."

"Where_would you go?"_my mom cries.

"Georgia?" my dad demands. "To that Malachi character,_whoever he is?"

"I don't know," I say_honestly, "but I can't stay here like this for much longer."

I_don