it feels like im incapable of coping with the world as a regular human being should there just seems to be an absolute inability to cope with the world and its challenges in a way that isnt at all times psychologically distressing  if the world was crueler place i would already be dead instead people i love have to carry my dead weight i have doctors peddling medications and a social welfare program   when i have to deal with life im in constant psychological stress going to work every day going to bed at the right time eating healthy having hobbies being social maintaining these activities is essentially constant hell even when they are supposed to be enjoyable everything that gives me a remote sense of real mind numbing bliss is abused masturbating sex food tv just to cope  when im comfortable and happy i am eating myself into oblivion and doing nothing i am a dead weight ugly and unattractive  when im forced to cope with life challenges im so overwhelmed life is agony   ive often broken down and considered suicide not because i want to die or rather just be removed from existence its too exhausting waking up tired every morning and constantly chasing yourself and failing every single day to preform even the most mundane preformatory tasks that everyone does without any consideration  x200b  im in a better position now with a lot of flexibility but a lot less stress i do not commute i get to have 12 hours of sleep i have all the pets i want decompression time and i can work how  when i feel like it my adhd anxiety keeps me on top of getting enough orders done on time but essentially my life has room for two things a day and about four hours of any real kind of functionality most of the other time is spent absolutely sedentary or idle anything more is stressful and i return to my previous state or perpetual existential dread and hysterical anxiety its no way to live its a delusional privlidged bubble that im waiting to pop