it took me an entire year after after my marriage failed to finally work out what happened i still have to talk with my ex occasionally because we have children but ive since learned to deal with the excessive gaslightingnarcisism its funny how quickly narcisists will 180 and avoid talking to you once you figure out how to call their bs consistently  if you have trouble with narcisists people gaslighting you or recognising other shitty conversational tactics like loaded questions then i suggest looking up transactional analysis some people use it for pick up artistry but please just ignore all of that - people who do that are also ass holes im only suggesting it here because its such a good deterrent of narcisism