ugh   you speak to me completely  i have the opposite problem as a clutterbug i am extreme in the aspect that i subscribe to certain rituals i have a hard time throwing things away at home become i might need it at the same time i am very organized at work concerning paperwork and tasks i dislike a messy work environment but weirdly if i create the mess i can readily find what i need if someone else creates it i mentally twitch and feel angry i have been striving to hone this feeling when considering the actions of others be more considerate  when i tried to tell my internist that i felt i had ocd and had for years he asked me why  i told him that i had to count money a certain amount of times or check locks numerous times he told me it sounded like the characteristics of a good manager something i had been doing for nearly 20 years at that point   i felt frustrated what i failed to tell himand what came out later when being evaluated for ptsd  i have to perform actions in a certain wayand if i cannot remember each moment i panic sometimes it wakes me from my sleep in my worst moments i have woken up dressed and gone to work to disable the alarm and perform my closing walkthrough again my therapist recognized i had ocd before i embarrassingly confessed this apparently i ruminate too much   i laughed when he told me admitted this and the denial i received several years prior the thing that stopped me from seeking further help at the time he said it must have been disturbing to not be acknowledged and while it was i realize i should have been more explicit but at the same time i was scared   i didnt want to be perceived as crazy as much as i knew it wasnt normali just wanted to be helped to feel free of my feelings