oh big yes i like things to be clean and organized because one of my compulsions is rearranging things so they have the correct spacing and organisation whatever the fuck that means however my depression is much stronger than my obsession with cleanliness so my apartment is often a literal health hazard at some point though i begin to worry that different areas of the apartment are contaminated when theyre so messydirty and i just cant even touch my dishes or certain parts of the shower its such a catch 22 i feel trapped in my own mess more often than not   usually the contamination gets so bad that i like can only touch my bed a part of my coffee table a couple drawers and like a handful of things like that i eventually self select down to so few options that i literally need to deep clean and purge the whole damn place   on a side note does anyone else have literal breakdowns when they finally bring themselves to touchdeal with things that youve deemed contaminated or whatever i find myself sobbing while dealing with my dirty mold-ridden dishes that have been sitting in my sink for months its so pathetic but i just cant seem to control the crying and panic sometimes i always feel better after i do deal with the contaminated things and clean but fuck is it hard to get up the nerve sometimes