along this vein for me ill often find myself negotiating with myself over physical compulsions  ok ending every flight of stairs on your right foot on the way up and left foot on the way down is totally unreasonable how about if you just do it when youre on your way to work  i feel accomplished when i succeed at this but at the same time in hindsight it is so irrational to think that there is any difference between the two its a practically positive outcome but ultimately validates the compulsion anyway- maybe even more so because im compartmentalizing this as rational behavior in my negotiation with the illness  god this disease is fucking complicated