im literally laying in bed right before going to sleep and the child inside of me is crying with relief thank you kind person   ive felt like this as long as i can remeber growing up wasnt outwardly negative or bad but it just felt off putting like i was always in someones elses body or story and i was just making it up as i went or playing in a play with a ruined or broken script on papers spread all over the stage looking underneath tables and chairs in hopes to find the complete script and sobbing when i couldnt find it all in order to play my part in society that part of growing up was probably the worst part   and then having people all around me family teachers friends etc telling me that i was just being overally dramatic or it was all in my head was just icing on the cake im sure they meant well and they only wanted to help me in some way that made sense to them but the biggest problem was helping them and not me   i only recently started feeling like ive been woken up from a deep slumber and feel like my body is more of mine but tired from the long slumber and i didnt start feeling that way until i was diagnosed and was started on medication to help my brain and then once i met my current partner who refuses to allow me to be cruel to myself and never allows me to settle for second best shes always giving me a push in the right direction and ill always be forever grateful for her existence in my life sometimes i still feel like my existence is more harm than good especially for her but i have recently started to accept that isnt the case   that went on longer than expected i was on a roll haha i hope that resonates with others