jesus this speaks to me been struggling lately trying to just keep my apt in order let alone my job hunt trying to stay constantly motivated  positive while so many things slip through my fingers because for some reason i keep thinking i can handle all of this like the super-lady i am except i havent been able to be on my meds since being let go back in april when everything shut down my company needed to let go of folks to stay afloat  i came up short lately ive been trying to consider a new career  have been fighting with this paralyzing fear that ill just loses motivation halfway or run into a professor that causes my rejection dysphoria to rear its ugly fucking head had someone at least explained what that was to me or had been medicated back then i could have done so much better in college now im just praying for a job wbenefits so i can not only get back on my meds  function ”normally” but more importantly be able to contribute more to my future rather than sitting frozen _  edit really sorry for rambling apparently i needed to get that off my chest