from one human being to another i am sorry that you are experiencing the overwhelming effects of what can be a very dangerous combination of mental health afflictions a couple of years ago i went for a very similar ride i lost myself entirely everything that i had ever known myself to be dissolved and i became completely disassociated from all aspects of life i gave up and was moments away from suicide then it all hit me i felt something i wanted to live   everyone in my life had been gently hinting to me that i needed help but i just kept brushing them and their concerns off when i finally realized the severity of the situation i sought professional help at first they only offered me antidepressants i accepted and it probably saved my life after 7 months i didnt like the antidepressants remeron it changed who i was on a base level and made me so tired that i struggled to stay awake i could literally lay down anywhere at any point in my day and fall asleep while on antidepressants i was still struggling with depression and moderate to severe anxiety i was 30 years old and had never really addressed my adhd   once of the antidepressants and back to what i perceived to be a more standard version of myself that i enjoy being i set out to deal with my adhd i went to a psychiatrist and he said that he has seen this kind of scenario many times before in the past few years i started a very demanding career got married bought a house and adopted my niece i had exceeded my personal capacity to function without managing the aspect of being and individual with adhd he put me on a prescription of vyvanse and my life was forever changed the very first day the depression and anxiety were gone just fucking gone i cried because i finally was able to have a perspective that allowed me to see all of my quirks that kept people irritated so far in my life i was finally afforded a chance to operate from a vantage point that is supposed to mimic that of a more neurotypical human i laughed to myself and felt as though anyone without adhd is cheating hacking the matrix without even knowing it and now six months after starting vyvanse my life is in a better place than i have ever been able to get it to before im not saying that any one medication can fix everyone but there are medications out there that can help on a profound level   youve got this this community has your back in a way that i still struggle to comprehend just keep reaching out