i have definitely felt overwhelmed many times before heck more than once last week  lots of virtual hugscomforts are going your way if you want them  if youd like some useful perspectives on depression i have found lost connections by johann hari is really good at explaining how the modern world is essentially junk values think junk food but for mental stuff that cause depression    your comments about feeling bad that you cannot man up and are wasting other peoples time can definitely be looked at as junk values--not helpful and actively harmful note this is not to blame you just pointing out the negative spiral that depression  you have a lot to unpack i hope you have loved ones or a therapist to help