reminds me of when i was a kid in elementary school our class was obsessed with tetherball at recess including me i entertained a thought for a moment of a tetherball post in my mind and thought to myself i should be able to control my mind so id try to make the ball swing hard in my mind in one direction but id try and try and my mind kept making it go hard in the other direction it was frustrating because i thought i should be able to make this ball swing hard left in my mind over and over again but it keeps wanting to go right so hard so it was a fight in my mind to think it to swing in one direction but it would go the other just as hard in my mind since tetherball was on my mind alot and i couldnt make the ball swing a satisfying left in my mind as though someone had hit it really hard it would swing really hard the other direction i got so invested in this thought and id try so hard to think it in the direction i wanted and for my mind to obey me and do what im telling it its my mind that id move my head physically in the direction i wanted the ball to go id swing my head to the right over and over to try to get the ball to go right but it was a battle that i could not gain complete control over it turned into a tic kind of thing where id be pushing my head right or left to try to get the ball to go that direction over and over and id be doing it kinda in the background at home and school and stuff so frustrating to not be able to control your own mind my parents were trying to figure out if there was something up with me back then in elementary school because of certain weird behaviors and i eventually came to be diagnosed with add and maybe small seizures only far later in life at the end of senior year of highschool when my ocd arrived hard did we start to realize all of the behaviors i had as a kid were probably components of early ocd stupid fking ball would not go left bullst i hate bullst   today bullst is the bane of my existence and ill do anything i can to wipe it the  out of my life and keep myself from giving any of it to others dont give me any kind of bull or i will be pissed and will not have it  anyways in time the tic moved on and probably morphed into something else having to do with a different feeling