now that im getting the help i need its amazing how much _easier_ things are self control exercise diet responsibilities its not _easy_ but eas_ier_  which is infuriating because it means i could have gotten so much further in life if my parents had just fucking tried to get me help when i was younger i know things were difficult growing up but fuck they found ways to help themselves and my sisters they found ways to help my brother on the rare occasions he needed it but i always got shit when _i_ needed it  now they act surprised that i have trouble seeking out the help i need because i didnt know what i needed how to get it that i _could_ get it and i can only get it now because ive been underperforming for so long that i qualify for help  also i need to keep reminding myself that things must be even worse than we realize for a lot of people otherwise im gonna grow resentful the number of people who leave messes for others who take more than their fair share who shame others for trying to better themselves who just refuse to pull their weight either theres a bigger issue at at hand or people are just _fucking assholes_