thank you for this todays been a hard day its been a year and a half since i have been unemployed i used up all my savings staying alive while my partner offered to help me with half of my renthes been really supportive trying not to pressure me into looking for work while i worked on studying and my mental health i am always feeling so grateful of him and guilty that im not an equal partner  but today it all became too much for him and he questioned whether i care about him at all because im not putting in any effort he said its been more than a year hes right how did it get to this why has a year just flown by without me noticing or taking action why as someone who was adamant about adhd not being a disorder but a evolutionary mismatch for our current society i broke down and thought maybe there really is something wrong with me maybe im just fooling myself thinking that ill get better i have it handled i dont need medication its the first time i seriously played with the idea of leaving earth myself but i decided ill try a little harder in honour of your friend and for people like you who understand thank you