yes i really wanted to go a drive out to the beach a few months ago just to get some air and sit and read  as i got my keys and stuff ready the thoughts started and as much as i really really wanted to go i just couldnt  the fear was overwhelming and so  i just sat in tears no matter how hard i tried i couldnt bring myself to go because what if    its sad we live this way  i wish it wasnt like this or i could just ignore it