i feel this so hard and i feel for you luckily treatment has come a long way at 17 i had lymph nodes in both my armpits swell to the size of an xl egg and two in my pubic v-cut start swelling i went to a gp he said lets get them biopsied because it could be cancer or lukemia scheduled done in a week i didnt hear anything about it for months after two weeks i became irrationally scared bc i didnt know what it was the swelling went down but figured it could be getting ready to ramp up maybe they didnt want to let a kid know he was dying of lymphatic lukemia stupid i know  fast forward a few months id gotten a bad sinus infection went to same gp during the visit i finally worked up the nerve to ask if i was dying he looked at me like id asked him if lizard men were real and then he said they didnt call you with your results cue mini heart attack im so dead my short life flashing in front of my eyes meekly i shake my head in the negative and im about 2 secs from fainting or ugly crying he says it was just an infection i think i passed out from relief for a second then started laughing uncontrollably full belly and ended in wheezing he figured out what was going on  let me tell you i did live like i was dying in those few months i did stupid and fun stuff usually together ever since then i started looking at the whole life experience a little different i wasnt bullet proof anymore but i also stopped being so scared of stuff heck id just defeated death in battleship clue electronic football then twister not really but it felt that way yes the brazenness i now had led to a lot of mistakes but it was so freeing  i want you to fuckcancer up so bad and when you do not if dont lose that feeling that if you can beat that you can go through anything bc youre a bamf