time and time again i become what i despise i go through my manic episodes the lows make the good seem fucking cheap but  i continue to ride my emotions until its so good i wish i could keep the feeling until it seeps through my fingers and turns into a numbing unforgettable yearning for happiness once again its an endless cycle half the time im very social and have no problems keeping a conversation the other half it seems like i dont give a shit about my life let alone someone elses and this isnt me trying to be an asshole im just incapable of keeping a healthy relationship im a huge self sabotager so most of the time when people i love are in trouble im either 150 there or 0 this sadly makes me very unreliable i tend to make promises i cant keep this saddens me because i really try my fucking best my highs usually consist of making goals and promises to people that dont stick i often feel like im going to go a mile a minute and im talkin like so as well my heads usually in the right ballpark but not the exact base i need it to be at i totally understand what youre talkin about youre not alone when i feel down on myself i try to focus on the future changes i can make rather than dwelling on the mistakes ive already made if anyone would like to chat because they relate or share similar experiences please feel free to say hey