this is so hard for me my kid definitely has adhd as do i both diagnosed but she also is probably somewhere on the antisocial spectrum not diagnosed but several therapists have confirmed this is likely   so sometimes when she says she cant do something its genuinely the adhd i want to do this but cant make myself do it for which an appropriate response might be patience or skipping it for now  but sometimes when she says she cant its the antisocial which i think would be more accurately named pro-self much like in adhd we struggle with executive functioning antisocial people struggle with empathy i dont want to do this and so i wont for which really the only response is firm consistent limits and consequences  and its up to me to figure out which response is appropriate and i know i dont always get it right