my formative years were filled with disapproval insults and abuse from authority figures im in my 30s now and i dont know how much reprogramming i can realistically achieve  i dont plan on giving up but its easy to be dispirited when the challenge you face is essentially insurmountable its a neurodevelopmental disability its very much a part of you and there is no cure stack a shitty childhood on top of it and you have a recipe for dysfunction and all you can do is continue to fight a losing battle until you drop dead