yeah ive been using this feeling as a way to avoid relationships or even attempting at them ive basically been telling myself since i can remember that i wouldnt date me so i shouldnt even bother until im somehow a more worthy person at some indefinite point in the future      im pretty sure if a doctor told me i was terminally ill i would feel relieved in some twisted sense at least that way id be sooner released from the guilt associated with the feeling being described in this thread