as an introverted adhder i totally get this  sorry this is the length of a novel  even the tldr is kinda long  tldr introversion and adhd make it hard to put your thoughts into words on the spot but you can still be a very social person it’s okay to ask for more time to think before you speak if it’s something important don’t beat yourself up over those awkward day to day interactions we all have them just shake ‘em off you’ll do better next time   a lot of people assume that being introverted means that you’re antisocial this is not the case and in fact there are many social introverts that you might mistake as extroverts  being introverted simply means that after interacting with people for so long you need some alone time to “recharge” for extroverts it’s the opposite being around people is what “recharges” an extrovert  there’s also a large difference in how introverts and extroverts think and communicate extroverts are usually quicker to respond when they’ve been asked a question because they do a lot of their thinking “out loud” introverts on the other hand are usually slower to respond because they have to take the time to internally think through what they want to say and then covert their thoughts into sentences that will make sense to their audience this can actually be a good thing though because it means that you really put thought into what you want to say this is why many introverts are good albeit slow writers and why they’re often better at writing than speaking  it’s just that many people those darn extroverts ask you a question and expect you to have a reply instantly which leaves you scrambling for an answer and trying to speak before you’re ready to   in these situations i panic because i know i don’t have the time to sort through my thoughts and give the answer i actually want to give that’s when my adhd brain comes in and pulls some weird as you say “mindless” answer out of nowhere and then i’m saying it before i’ve completely processed what the other person was asking of me   i’ve found that in the really important and difficult discussions the best thing to do is to basically admit that you you don’t have the answer yet because you haven’t thought about it enough it’s okay to tell people that you need more time to think about your answer for example if you have meetings at work where you’re asked for your input on the spot you might be able to talk with your boss before the next one and ask if it’s possible to know the topics of discussion before a meeting so that you have time to prepare answers that are well thought out and are better able to contribute to the conversation  when i’m having one of those “difficult” discussions i often ask for more time to think andor to give my reply via text or some other written communication people might find that odd at first but giving an answer that isn’t well thought through is probably going to lead to more miscommunicationconflict than asking for more time to give a good answer will if i’m angry at someone i will even directly tell them “don’t come and talk to me i’m better at explaining myself through writing”  also really reflecting on my emotions and what’s causing them is something that i try to do often but it does take a lot of thought and time for me to sort through everything sometimes people with adhd can have a harder time regulating emotions which also adds to the difficulty of having these “difficult conversations”  otherwise for those day to day interactions -the ones that don’t matter as much- i find that i’m better at talking when i’m not nervous for me feeling nervous while talking to certain people comes from me feeling like i won’t live up to their expectations of me or that i have to prove that i’m competent or otherwise not socially awkward it helps to remind yourself to calm down you don’t have to prove anything you’re confident even if you’re not fake it till you make it and you have every right to feel comfortable around others rather than insecure i still say awkward things sometimes but i’ve decided to just laugh it off and move on  i get stuck in my head too i think it’s because when i’m under pressure and trying so hard to form perfect coherent sentences i’m thinking about every single word i’m saying and i think it leads to that feeling of becoming distracted by the realization that yes you’re speaking   it’s also like you know how some people seem to not have a filter like they just say whatever pops into their head  when i’m under pressure my problem is the exact opposite of not having a filter i have too good of a filter i get locked in my head because i can’t think of what to say because my “filter” isn’t letting enough through only the finest little fragments of what i’m thinking are making it through that filter and they’re not enough to form coherent sentences with  anyways idk about that one mostly i just try to not filter my thoughts as much and try to take some of the pressure off by reminding myself that i don’t have to prove anything and that i have every reason to be confident