i have an ex-girlfriend whom i was in a relationship with for 3 years that i spent the next year feeling guilty about because things i had done typical adhd things like telling white lies that piled up just straight up not giving gifts because you know adhd plenty of other shit i mean im flawed and have adhd so please understand i am not claiming any sort of innocence here  we went splitsville in august 2019 and it was maybe november 2020 that i was smacked in the face with all the times i had been emotionally manipulated by her gaslighted into thinking she was an innocent victim and i was a monster she never once said sorry to me for any disagreement its quite rare that one party is innocent during any serious couples fight i would have to overapologize and just feel such shame and guilt than a year later she would bring it up out of the blue i cant believe you said xyz you really hurt me and i would just feel like this fucking monster who really had to get my act together to make up for it  all that to say that even now a thought like that will hit me and ill just start up this argument with hypothetical her in my head and ruminate all day on it i guess its better for me to call her a cnt in my head than in real life but id like to get to a point where i dont call her that at all