sounds like my ex she often would convince herself she is totally gay and that she couldnt be in a relationship with a straight white guy  truth of the matter is if she one day came to her senses and turned out to realize that she made a mistake id take her back im single and i dont really care  i thank her regardless of whether we are together or not because she taught me what love actually feels like and that has been utterly invaluable to me as a person  thanks mar  edit when we were apart my ocd caused me to collapse in fear if i saw you in public if i saw your car drive-by or any similar looking model of car in the distance i still get those from time to time prozac and therapy helped me realized that i these thoughts had such an effect because they were constant reminders that i still loved you