are you me especially the cycle of shameguiltanger   for example there was this guy i was sorta acquainted with through dd he was rambling on about something and told me being gay was a choice im gay it just kinda rolled over my head bc i was already thinking about the other absolutely absurd things he was saying  6 months later im like hey what the fuck i should have punched him in the face argh i hate myself a lot for being a stepping mat bc my brain is going 1000mph already and its like i dont have time to really process these insults backhanded compliments etc the world always feels too fast or too slow for me