a major frustration of mine is that outside motivations are all but required for me to maintain a smooth and functional life i am driven to work very hard when im at my places of employment as long as im seeing results and am passionate about the goals but at home i am on a constant rollercoaster of blissfully tidy yet shortlived moments and long stretches of my apartment looking like a disaster only doing the minimum while being in a constant state of anxiety about what needs done i overplan my productivity and become majorly dejected and ashamed when i dont meet the unrealistic goals within the short stretch of time available when i have roommates who keep things even remotely tidy i tend to just do more i am motivated enough by the thought of their discomfort and disappointment that i am able to just function relatively normally and keep things in order same when it comes to ever helping another person with a household task i can just get it done like i  would if i were getting paid i love working and i love helping people i just wish it were easier to help myself in the same ways i recently thought people should treat others as they would like others to treat them and i need to treat my space the way i would treat the space of somebody else anyhow trying to find ways to make things happen medication is a last resort for me