i guess the problem is i cant really tell where my rationality starts and ocd ends or where ocd starts and i end i cant even make out if my  compulsions to help others are ocd or me or whether my personality is 99 ocd and 1 me or if theres even a me i know that must sound weird but i have no ability to differentiate whether my thoughts are ocd or not ocd aside from when the ocd is causing me to feel adrenaline coursing through my veins in response to not doing a compulsion only then can i truly tell its ocd which makes me feel confused as i usually end up going ah so the past few things i thought i was doing of free will were actually all completely ocd great am i even a human  probably doesnt help with me researching my other disorder autism and knowing autism kind of comes with the inability to understand your emotions and communicate effectively its not like theres a different voice or its referring in third person or it feels foreign this is my conscience demanding things of me and ocd feels as natural as ones own thoughts i have no ability to tell if what i am thinking of doing is say because i want to do it or because ocd wants me to do it because the voice that is protecting me from bad things and the voice that is my ocd is exactly 100 the same in every facet except that one is hurting me slowly and accidentally and the other is hurting me directly and accidentally