wow i’m so sorry you’re struggling with this but also so relieved to see i’m not alone i did some really insane things in college it’s been a burden on me for over a decade and though i’m in a much better place things happened that changed me to my core yay ptsd i’m a mom now and often terrified people will find out and think i’m not meant to be a mom or want me to be with their kids it’s totally irrational i know just last week this was an issue for me it was gorgeous outside so i decided go do virtual therapy on my deck was talking about a former client who found me on linkedin thanks dude and had no idea my neighbor was outside she probably didn’t hear anything but i was ruminating over the what if for days   weirdly though as much as i get terrified that people will learn about my past or cancel me some times i want to just scream it out to everyone i wonder if i just made it public i could control the narrative more than if it was “leaked” it’s a weird mental place to be to counteract that i second guess every post or everything i say because i’m worried it’s wrong or offensive somehow totally exhausting