constant shame  embarrassment from past things plagues my mind to no end im too afraid to even see a therapist because they may make me face them when ive spent 2 decades trying every little thing to forget i thought it would get better with age  its gotten 100x worse even something as small as calling a friend handsome makes me feel ashamed of myself for months after im at a loss as to what to do anymore i want to believe what youre saying but its so difficult