im diagnosed asd but im on this sub as im awaiting a adhd referral youre absolutely not alone i used to feel like that so much that nothing i could do is right by anyone else that were just cycling round on a burning planet full of misery that i will damage my children no matter how hard i try not to that i would never stop having panic attacks please know that things can get better in your head   also man up is a phrase that makes me livid because of how much harm it does to people - please allow yourself to ban that phrase from your internal monologue my husband is all the man i could ever want and he cries with me when hes sad talks about his feelings lots and always shows his love and affection openly i dont know how he puts up with me but those traits you feel are letting you down are exactly the ones that some people are looking for - you just havent found those people yet sending you lots of love and well wishes op xx