oh boy do i ever feel this  it helps to be medicated but generally speaking its still hard because while medication allows us to just do it we never really learned how because we couldnt on top of that shame over this has been taught to us via traditional schooling if not schooling plus family plus friends plus we live in a societycapitalism which destroys self confidence and further hampers the ability to self-motivate even when were medicated its like being born without legs and then getting a sick robo-suitprosthetic but no manual no physiotherapy no nothing so sure now i have an aidbut how the fuck do i use it  in other words its balls   ive been procrastinating on an entire list of portraits and other such art commissions for years and years and years my bestie and grandmother have been waiting five years certain other people ive lost touch with have been waiting over 10 im blessed that my friends and family simultaneously have lots of love for me and very low expectations of me so they dont get angry or mean over it usually but it hurts me to confirm it  the guilt and stress i feel over this is probably at least 70 of the reason why they havent been done yet im medicated so youd think id be able to kick my ass into gear and shia labeouf it but noooooooooooo im just a cringy 30-something with no self-starting ability and zero follow through it hurts right now thats probably my biggest self-esteem killer i wanna cry just thinking about it lol  im going into counselling in hopes for some tricks ive been in counselling before but this will be my first time after my adhd diagnosis so maybe now well be able to snipe it more accurately first appointment next week if anything works or sounds reasonable ill throw it in here  sorry for the long post i think my hormones are making me even more symptomatic than usual uhg