yes telling me i have autism retardation dont have ocd and that im using it as an excuse that im not cleaning myself properly in the shower im not doing insert task right lead poisoning that im abusive neglectful mean rude that my texts or emails might be misunderstood because a simple ok will somehow make them think i dont care or hate them or something having to stare and smile at every house and car i pass or else people will hate me thinking ill sell my soul by accident unless i keep making sure i dont urges to scream profanity or blasphemy in church and school urges and images to murder my family because i need to stop something from happening raping infants and children and endless shit id never do even if my life depended on it thoughts that my own mental functions dont work right or are mixed up with each other so i have to mental check which paradoxically makes it really hard to focus that my memories thoughts feelings etc are somehow wrong and incorrect so they cant be trusted that everything i say is a lie to manipulate people or some shit having false memories of horrible things happening etc etc etc      so to feel just a little bit better i sometimes count things mental check alot recheck what i know or believe just to be sure im still me interact with things a certain amount of times order or way and if say i dont do it exactly right if i didnt touch this side the chair with my foot as hard as the other i have to touch it a little harder than to compensate because ive gotta do the other one agian even softer to make sure i touched the chair on each side an equal amount of times but with the overall same touch pressure score ive gotta compensate for it most of my rituals are mental consantly going over things reassuring myself checking reviewing deleting replacing invalidating constantly reminding myself thoughts and memories so i dont forget them i write out some of my obessions as a compulsions and have spent hours doing so etc 247 i cant think about anything else and its horribly impairong i cant focus remember or think almost at all because my ocd i couldnt practice mindfulness because i couldnt stop checking to make sure i was doing it right and doing it perfectly so i couldnt just let go and focus      i think ocd might be one of the most misunderstood disorders there is because while most people dont understand the full scope severity and impairment of mental disorders they usually have a basic idea like depression is sad and unmotivated adhd is hyper and unfocused anxiety is worrying etc but to most ocd is just being clean and liking things organized and symmetrical while some ocd people do have those traits its a minority and far more severe than your average neat freak and for totally different reasons and thats the part most people have no idea about if you told people you were suicidal theyd assume youre depressed and likely talk with you or get some kind of help but if you told them you had thoughts and urges to murder and rape elderly people unless you avoid stepping on the cracks in the sidewalk youd probably freak them out or they might possibly call the police on you