i get it you are not alone it is hard but forgive yourself i just wanted to coin for the friend part to definetly find some friends with adhd for some reason me and my friends click so well and we dont have high expectations and are forgiving of each other when we forget or kind of dissapear for a bit   they all got diagnosed with adhd and add so when we discuss or go out it matches the same energy   not saying that all adhd people are automatically a match but perhaps joining the adhd discord and having fun discussions   also nice to vent its never nice to feel guilty all the time and you shouldnt have to the only one suffering is you try to forgive yourself i know i repeat yourself but it sounds like you need some love   the shoulda woulda coulda is exhausting ive just started to have some accountability as i was paralyzed because of my own household chores and school i met a great teacher who just sat down with me and made a schedule with  hugs and love if you want to vent or talk i am available also can talk over discord if youd like