im 32 yo i was diagnosed yesterday and i finally feel like a weight has been lifted my whole life ive struggled with depression on and off ive watched my whole life fall apart around me time and time again and felt powerless to do anything about it i couldnt understand how everyone else could just manage ive been called lazy careless unemotional irrational  too much rude disorganised etc etc all over ever done is try my best to be a good person to provide for my daughter who i had at 20yo and have never been with her mum since she was pregnant but ive always felt like my best want good enough no matter how much deeper i dig ive been around long enough to know what people expect me to present so up until very recently even my close family have no idea of the struggle i go through physically and mentally every day just to exist as a square peg in a round hole  the self hatred is so real and reading this post has made something click its not my fault i am different