just read this chapter of an ocd book where he talks about dreams and reality someone loses their arm in dreams theyd have 2 arms and be happy but reality is that they have 1 arm so are you going to make yourself miserable for the rest of your life because of reality  wanting certainty that your worst fears wont come true is nice but its dream reality is that you cant know 100 certain so can you accept reality  i feel what you said though i get it