just be thankful you dont have to live with chronic pain for life in a medical system that hate opioids i have adhd and cannot even take stims anymore as i have chronic muscle spasms of the pelvis which causes nerve pain that would seriously make you want to die if all you have is mental negativity then trust me it can get way worse in life find stuff you enjoy i used to love to snowboard but now im physically unable  dont be too aware of the shit going on in life out there that in itself will destroy you as well as selfish as this sounds make life all about you for right now and fix that good luck