yeah and most the time to its not even something meant to upset me that’s the shit part consciously knowing your brain is fucking the bed while trying to assume responsibility for it while not reacting to the illusions it’s giving me it’s like telling yourself to walk but not moving a foot in a land of miserable blue balls feeling forever most my efforts to counter this problem work for 30-48 hours before it comes back then i just like everyone can see through me then i want to fucking kill myself