and people are always like well the key with adhd is to reward yourself after finally finishing a task but i dont have money to do that so it winds up being reward myself with food unhealthy if im even hungry or something like a shower not even really a reward just another chore and its like even if i have a means of rewarding myself at heart i dont think i deserve it because like you said the to do list is so full that i feel like i deserve punishment instead   so im just perpetually taking forever to do stuff hating myself hating myself finally finishing a certain task hating myself more and then repeating it over and over  im in the least mentally healthy part of my life right now and well sometimes i think knowing whats wrong doesnt even help