it has served me well so much of my life convinced i was just a do-er i also raised 3 children often worked 2 jobs took classes when i wasnt working know how to do maintenance on my cars can do all my home repairs garden do art ceramics printmaking rock sculpture drawingyou friggin name it i always found jobs that supported being on the go nursing in a hospital and in a correctional facility where you have to be aware of a lot of things and can just jump up and do something else and just look productive bartending anything to where walking away to do another task seemed normal but i am getting older and really want to focus and not just jump up every time something pops into my head it affects my social life i love to throw a party just because i can be mixing drinks tending the bbq chit-chat here or there but keep moving i drive card players nuts because if it is not my shuffle and deal i think of something and i jump up to do it without even thinking i am trying to put my education and experience into a more sedentary vision and i am finding it truly difficult i studied computer language back in 1980 for a few quarters and absolutely hated it then again in the 90s took graphic design thinking the art aspect would be different but sitting and not talking was just too much  i have a ton of strategies wear my keys around my neck when im out have a purse that straps over and across my shoulder so i cant set it down and leave it car keys are zipped in a purse pocket so if i dont have my purse i cant drive away keyless ignition if i start a project i walk a away but i keep going back and finish it within the day so onlookers really dont catch on but i know it took me 512 work sessions instead of just sticking to it for one straight hour every time having to pick up where i left off or find where i set the tape measure it is so frustrating on the inside i have tried all kinds of herbal remedies can meditate if i do the square method sometimes as long as an hour even have that ring which shows how deep i go but i cant stay in mediation all day just to sit still it affects my sleep because i wake every hour and a half throughout the night i just need to sit still and focus not start feeling bored halfway through having lunch with a friend because we are just sitting and i am feeling restless it always served me well i know how to do a lot of things went to graduate school studied a lot of side things that i determined were not suited to me like the computer stuff i cannot find a strategy to just help me sit and write if i write in notebooks i have 15 notebooks and depending on my thinking at the time i write in different ones then trying to find my research becomes hell typing it seems like my fingers cannot keep up with my head and it does not engage me or seem as active as writing and i have to just sit i can also doodle when im writing which i cant do when typing i try and screenshot stuff but i am then going to have to type that up my life looking back seems like one long blur from one activity to the next i am really grateful i am smart and organized have a good work ethic but just feel like a jack or rather jill of all trades and the master of none i try hard to appreciate my gifts so many people look at my life or achievements and think wow but only i know how hard it is how disciplined i have to be how disorganized i feel on the inside i am trying hard to find peace i am having a hard time finding grace in this way of being i am sure others would love to have abundant energy to be as creative and have as many solutions as i have mastered i need to feel the joy that i once felt being on the go all the time lately it just seems like an endless steam of meaningless tasks which i have no control over embarking on