holy shit this is the question that haunts me  even before my diagnosis i knew there was something functionally broken in me that prevented me from giving my all i thought it was pure laziness   but i never had the secondary apathy that laziness allows i always cared extremely deeply about my work so i didnt even get the numbness of complacency and since i wasnt doing my best my work wasnt great so it was all anxiety and poor product the worst of both worlds  its such a vague question too what is my best in a perfect world right now in the morning evening intermittent breaks what if i spent 5 more minutes on it what if i slept poorly the night before am i culpable for every decision i made prior to this moment   and while i love my field of work being a creative professional means theres also no clear definition of done when do i cut myself off am i stifling myself from my best work by imposing deadlines do i need to get feedback first am i focused ugh