this is exactly me im a phd student and i have major impostor syndrome because of this or rather the problem is that its not imposter syndrome which my colleagues are not grasping yet its not only because i dont know a quarter of what im supposed to know about my topic but also because i cant even get myself to read because of exactly this problem why reading if nothing sticks anyway treating everything like im learning for an exam would work but i hate exams and i dont have the discipline to work like this  i try to force myself to read assuming that the more bits of knowledge are floating around in my empty brain the more other bits can connect to it and eventually ill have some sort of actual available knowledge on hand but until then ill just feel dumb