for me it seems like my brain goes up and down with focusing if im listening to someone talk it will fade out and i can see them but they are blurry and i dont hear a thing they are saying i hear my thoughts or all of a sudden something else that is going on near us then i fade back to them talking and i have no idea what they just said i feel like im more aware of my environment than the average person because i can bounce around like that if i sit in a room i will notice all the imperfections in the drywall or how the doors or hung or whatever but reading a book i will read the same paragraph over and over again my mind says the word but i wasnt even paying attention to myself getting started on things i really dont want to do is impossible i cant control this i force myself to focus on something until its finished and i cant do it