i’m very successful in my career  i always ride a fine line of either constantly being promoted or almost fired  i never want to be fired  i just can’t hold back if something isn’t right or if there’s a better way  i literally can not stay quiet  i tell myself to just care less about the problems  like everyone else  i can’t  i fixate on them  it’s what helps me solve them  people hate deep solutions because it usually means solving problems in ways that seem simple  people don’t like seeing simple solutions for problems they themselves couldn’t solve  i feel like a failure  even after big wins i get this dread that quickly seeps in and it’s like nothing was won at all  it’s starting over at the next problem   people thinking slowly annoys me  especially if they are above me  they shouldn’t be so senior  i rarely have leaders i respect  they happen but rarely i love them and love learning from them  they are my favorite people and many of my former bosses are my long term friends  i found if i listen to slow depressing classical music i can get a lot done  especially rushed creative projects like making presentations that simplify complex content in a easily consumable ways   i like helping people  i like letting my peers know we can accomplish things that seem hard  even when inside i just want to give up and run away from the chaos  people confuse this for leadership  it takes a lot of effort to be a good boss  i get annoyed when people don’t think deeply enough about problems  i care about their growth but sometimes i have a short fuse when i’m annoyed and have to keep myself in check when i’m feeling flustered  i wish i wasn’t successful  sometimes i wish i did some job that was creative and simple  that i didn’t have a big mortgage and family to take care of  that i could walk away from it all  but i don’t feel like i can  so every day i go to work feeling as though i’m suffocating and on the verge of everything falling apart while being told by everyone at work that “i’m killing it” when every day kills me