ive always felt there was something different about me when i was growing up my mom had several health and psychology textbooks in the house from studying to be an lpn i used to skim them look at pictures study diagrams read some parts i knew that many mental disorders can be inherited my mom has been diagnosed with several bipolar depression ptsd etc every time i found out about one of her diagnoses id look it up to see if it fit nothing ever fit quite right it wasnt until i was 24 with a newborn spending a lot more time at my moms house because i was an exhausted single parent that she had mentioned she had adhd what theres no way youre definitely not hyperactive you can pay attention to things then i researched and it hit me this is it this is whats different about me it explains so much imagine how much better i could have done in school i could have graduated college by now   im 28 now i tried to get diagnosed once the psychologist told me that he didnt think i had adhd and that adhd wasnt really a disorder on its own it was really just secondary to other disorders he said i was just an overwhelmed single mother i knew he was full of shit but it still felt like wasted effort  i have yet to try to get diagnosed again  im coping the best i can my house literally looks like a tornado ripped through it ive amassed so much stuff trying to fill a void from when i moved into my college apartment in 2011 to when i had my son in 2016 then when my son came baby stuff then toddler stuff there are toys everywhere ive realized i dont need stuff to make my house a home but its a huge nearly insurmountable task to declutter it all i work about 36 hours per week im in school again 3rd times the charm right to finally try to get a bachelors degree so i dont have to work as a restaurant manager for 1250hour im about 40 lbs overweight and for the first time its starting to slowly but steadily increase im tired all the time  i know what to do i hold so much knowledge from hyperfocus research sessions about decluttering and organizing and about nutrition and fitness that i could be a professional organizer or a dietitian or whatever i just have a hard time forcing myself to do im trying little by little but my goodness is it discouraging  i didnt really mean to write a novel and i dont really need advice or encouragement i guess ops post struck a chord in me and i just needed to vent to people who understand