im going to borrow your post to rant myself  im working on getting into a internship program right now and am paralyzed by the thought of reaching out to professors to advise me and to potential internship opportunities there is a counselor to assist with all of this who i info-dumped on last thursday about my spotty work history and difficulty developing relationships with professors especially given the pandemic the last year has caused most of my entire program to be remote  i havent hardly slept since then because i was afraid of what she would write back in the email i wasnt able to enjoy anything over the weekend worried about what she would write back   i finally reached a good level of meds and caffeine and forced myself to check my email just now after worrying myself all day and wasting it watching youtube and reading medium articles side note why do i love spending dozens of hours learning about productivity and task scheduling software and all these systems people have for being organized when i know i will never use them and why do i use learning about being productive from an escape from things that would actually be productive arrghh  anyways the email i got from her basically said i will discuss your resume and situation with potential placements and advisors and contact you with more information thanks   fuck me if i had checked my email on friday id have been able to enjoy the holiday weekend why cant i learn that advisors are here to help me and not judge me and mock me i have been in college longer than i was in k-12 this is literally my fifth degree im working on all part of my apparent plan ha as if i could actually plan something longer than a week away to procrastinate actually earning money by staying in school forever--please for the love of god dont do this and after all that i still havent learned to let people help me or even to just check my fucking email cries