i tried my best to try my best but  it sucks because on the rare occasions i can unlock my brain it feels so good even if its nothing that special or amazing i am amazed by how easy and great it feels to just do the thing i love it i want that feeling every day but then i blink and its gone that great amazing feeling is gone the great amazing me is gone and im back trudging through the mud to even get to the fucking mountain   using shame to whip myself into taking action was all the control i had trying to heal from shame brings so much frustration thats not all from me judging myself too harshly theres a genuine drawback to being nicer to myself my lack of productivity is measurable perceivable to others ok radical acceptance says its better to make my goals tinier and easier until i cant fail to meet them but my life is shrinking over here   hard to trust this is really the path to things getting better when that bestbrain feeling feels further away every day   signed me a mud person