yes  i have to waver between believing in god and relying on him to help me out - and then not believing in god and having the watchful eye of god disappear  the two perspectives keep me balanced when one gets too heavy which they always seem to do  it’s my healthy version pitting the two ocd issues against each other  i think i did grow up with faith genuine faith before my ocd became really bad so i think deep down i believe in god but i worry about the details  it’s my version of god not the real god  otoh i think that everyone has their own version of god because we all think and feel differently have different life experiences etc and have different perspectives from everyone else  i also think whatever you grew up with is your deep-down comfort zone dor better or for worse  so if you grew up with a faith it gives you comfort and if you grew up with humanism or no deity faith that gives you comfort  it’s whatever works for you and only you  the problem with ocd is we’re always comparing ourselves and our thoughts with what we’re supposed to be and think  but no one can dictate what we ourselves have to be because no one has a template to follow everyone’s lives play out in real time with no template to follow and fit into  sorry for the ramble  hope i’ve said something that gives you some hope