you know what’s even more fun having a moment of clarity where you feel amazed that you don’t care about your obsessions and getting overcome with excitement that you might escape the hell cycles so you get cocky and confident and look up an obsession that “started” all this stuff in the hopes that it’s so removed from the trauma it would finally be defeated too even though you haven’t thought of it directly in 12 years  didn’t work now my past obsession is overpowering the current one and my ocd jumped from a 310 to a 2710 ugh