"

 Shmede 

Shmede, also known as RW, Schememememede or Romeo Whiskey, is a very competitive chap, who tends to frequently cheat at snooker so he can brag to his fellow friends about how good he is at the sport. His most familiar way of doing this involves returning reds to the table that have already been potted. Another canny trick of his is adding more points than he should onto his score, whilst adding less than he should to opponents. He also has a tendency to say he hit a particular ball when it was obvious he did not. At times, Richard can also be mistaken for Nelson Mandela.

He regards himself as a rather specialist aggressive opening batsman when playing cricket, and together with his slow left arm ‘throws’, he is one whack tack and cack cricketer. Richard’s wicket taking ability is particularly admirable, though apart from claiming the wicket of Simon ‘The Don’ Yates, he generally gets creamed all over the park.

Other sports he attempts to play include football, where, over an illustrious playing career, he has inherited a number of enemies, none of which hate him as much as the Sun, as particularly in the summer months, he can be seen rather red as the Sun is attracted to him. Rumour has it, that this sunburn is the reason why his legs contain very little hair.

His attitude throughout all sports is hated by most, as he is accustomed to arguing with most of his fellow players, including ones on his own side!

RW quotes:
Shouts ‘J*ggaboo’ as loud as possible in Rileys
‘Ya scran head’
‘Come back in 5 years’
‘Get a haircut’
'Doooooooooou like smack, doooooooooou like crack, then u will a love my new smack n a crack party bag. It has a smack and a plerrrrrrrrnty of crack. U can a steal ur friends car radio to pay for it' 
'R8 yunes'
'He's done him'
After hitting the wrong ball at snooker 'FOUL?! What you mean foul?! Dint you see I hit the red first, it was so obvious'
'Pre buzz', 'Rich has just sent a nudge', 'Buzz', 'Pre post buzz', 'Post buzz'
'Terina! Chips'
'Costootipoosmesh'
'I did dobin in 12 yesterday......first hole'
(When asked if the bat is knocked in) 'No its not tin' Then asked again... 'No its not tin, probably allumnium or something'
(When wearing velcro trainers) 'Hold this while I tie me shoe laces'
'Tight' followed closely by 'us bramble'
'Half the school fancies me!......just the wrong half'

In conclusion, Shmede can be simply summed up as a towel.

 Shmede and  at Rileys 

Quite frequently, usually by RWs arrangement, a trip to Rileys is organised for a few frames of snooker featuring RW and RB. Originally set for one o'clock, the meet time at 'Brownie's corner' has recently been moved forward to avoid both parties waiting after lunch has been completed. The meet time at present is around 1220. RB often wears what RW describes as 'his lucky top' which features a dragon on the front. RW's lucky chain was removed after he lost nine frames in a row.

To alert RB of his imminent arrival, RW pranks him numerous times along his journey from his home to the corner. These pranks are located at the following points:

When he sets off from his home,
At SPAR, where he picks up his, now accustomed, 'Spearmint Extra',
When he sees 'the corner',
Upon arrival to 'the corner'.

The journey down to Rileys is now via Hollis Lane as a maze has been erected on Horns Bridge Island. Upon arrival, RB picks the usual table 10, table 13 if 10 is not available, whilst RW visits the toilet and orders his Coke with one ice cube, the price of which is extortionate, and a tap water. The reasoning behind the one ice cube is that this is sufficient ice to cool the drink to an enjoyable temperature and yet not dilute the coke enough to affect its taste (noting that the room temperature of Rileys is at least a full three degrees above the standard 20-21 degrees and this hence means that should the generic four ice cubes be placed into the drink, they would melt at a particularly fast rate, diluting the cola even quicker).

Play usually consists of three frames, lasting approximately an hour and a half, although if RB wins the first two frames, RW is more than likely to concede. When pla