": Concerning the prose: ""McGillivray’s many endurance events for charity are legendary""—peacok term; ""to promote physical fitness in children and help solve the epidemic of childhood obesity""—puffery, Epidemic?; ""Each year he runs his birthday age in miles, starting when he was 12, and has not missed one yet.""—not promotional, but also not encyclopedic, recentism; ""He was born on Aug. 22, 1954 – you can do the math.""—again not an appropriate neutral tone; ""motivating readers to never underestimate their own ability to set and achieve goals""—POV; ""The book is available from Amazon""—promotion, serves no encyclopedic purpose; ""A skilled motivational speaker, McGillivray has displayed his signature ability to engage and inspire listeners to more than 1,600 audiences from corporate executives to high school students.""—POV and promotional; ""and in 2009 the prestigious ""Jimmy Award"" by the Jimmy Fund""—POV, peacock term; ""In addition to running one of the top race management firms in the U.S""—uncited claim, top firm according to whom? Need I go on? 

Concerning inline references: Inline refs should go at the end of the sentence they support, after punctuation. You have formatted some of them correctly but there is also a number at them sitting at the top of the submission that don't seem to be doing anything. Also, in the first paragraph there is an external link acting an inline reference, this should be re-formatted. Additionally, the submission currently displays as a wall of text and should be broken into section in the format of a Wikipedia article—see WP:MOS. The 'bull points' (•) should be removed. If you are struggling with editing in Wikimarkup, check out the cheatsheet for help.  talk to me 

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