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"PinterestFacebookYoung woman with mussed hair at home\nPHOTO: www.jupiterimages.comWrites Save the Date reader Abi:\nMy twin sister and I grew up in Bermuda, and in October she&amp;#39;s getting married there. I&amp;#39;m SO EXCITED for her. I&amp;#39;m her maid of honor, and she has six other bridesmaids, all of whom are our mutual friends. (It&amp;#39;s a lot, but it was a, &amp;quot;If I ask one, I have to ask them all&amp;quot; situation.) My sister is traveling from Switzerland, where she now lives, for the wedding, three of the bridesmaids are coming from the States, and the rest of us still live in Bermuda.\nSo here&amp;#39;s my problem: The three bridesmaids who live in the States aren&amp;#39;t taking their bridesmaid duties seriously. Two aren&amp;#39;t arriving until the night before the wedding, which is on a Saturday. I&amp;#39;ve tactfully reminded them that there&amp;#39;s a bridal shower/bachelorette on Thursday and rehearsal and rehearsal dinner on Friday, but none of them seems to care. I also mentioned that the wedding is happening during hurricane season, so it would be smart to leave some extra time for travel, but...nothing. I don&amp;#39;t know how to say, &amp;quot;Hey, this is important. You are a bridesmaid. Please come to the bridal shower, etc.&amp;quot; without sounding like a maniac. I&amp;#39;m just incredibly sad that our mutual friends aren&amp;#39;t taking their bridesmaid-ing seriously. I assumed that if they agreed to stand up for my sister they would attend those events, as etiquette dictates. I hate being the middle person, and I don&amp;#39;t want to upset my sister, but this is ruining my friendships with these girls.\nHere are my thoughts:\nI understand why you&amp;#39;re frustrated. You&amp;#39;re working really hard on your &amp;quot;job,&amp;quot; and you want your friends to step up too. That said, the only things a bridesmaid HAS to do are buy the dress and show up for the big day. A while back, in this list of all the duties bridesmaids are responsible for, I said bridesmaids are expected to &amp;quot;attend the bridal shower, bachelorette party, wedding rehearsal, and rehearsal dinner, unless there are major constraints.&amp;quot; In this case, I think living far away&amp;#8212;and having to pay for two extra nights at a hotel&amp;#8212;counts as a major constraint. While it would be great if everyone could be there for all of the events, in this case, having four of her seven bridesmaids is going to have to suffice for your sister. (And you. It almost sounds like you&amp;#39;re more upset than she is.)\nIf you want to make a last-ditch effort, you could send a quick email giving the absentee bridesmaids ideas for low- or no-cost accommodations. (&amp;quot;My grandmother&amp;#39;s staying with us, so you can crash at her condo.&amp;quot;) After that, it&amp;#39;s safe to assume they know what you want&amp;#8212;but they&amp;#39;re choosing to do what they want.\nLadies, what do you think? Should Abi go MOH-zilla on the absentee &amp;#39;maids? Or does she have to back off?\nHave a wedding-y dilemma of your own? Email me!"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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