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"  Old: Guests shouldn&amp;#039;t wear white or black to a wedding.New: In most circumstances, either is acceptable.Peggy says: Yes, you can wear white, just as long as it doesn&amp;#039;t look remotely bridal. And if you wear black, it should look chic, not funereal. Other considerations: time of day, location, and any rules of attire specified by religion (for example, no bare shoulders or low necklines).  Old: Traditional household goods and linens are the best wedding presents.New: Any gift is okay \u2014 just be sure it&amp;#039;s something the couple will be able to use.Peggy says: Today&amp;#039;s engaged couples often have established households, so it&amp;#039;s hard to know what they really need. That&amp;#039;s where registries come in handy. (The newest trend is for them to cover even such nontraditional items as vacations, mortgage payments, or camping gear!) As the guest, it&amp;#039;s your prerogative to decide whether to buy from the registry. If you decide to go it on your own, do some detective work to find out their needs and tastes.  Old: The bride&amp;#039;s family pays for the wedding.New: The bride&amp;#039;s family may pay; the couple themselves may pay; or the groom&amp;#039;s family, the bride&amp;#039;s family, and the couple may share the expenses.Peggy says: Today, just 27 percent of weddings are paid for solely by the bride&amp;#039;s parents. With costs through the roof, it&amp;#039;s not unusual for families to pool resources. It&amp;#039;s important for the couple and their families to discuss the budget early, so the bride and groom don&amp;#039;t overspend.  Old: Immediate family members of the couple should not host a shower.New: The mother or sister of the bride or groom can throw a party for an out-of-town bride.Peggy says: It&amp;#039;s considered improper to hold a shower for someone in your own family, because it can come across as self-serving. Today, however, family members don&amp;#039;t always live in the same town or state, so as a matter of practicality, parents or siblings on either side may host a shower for a bride who is visiting.  Old: The bride&amp;#039;s attendants must be female; the groom&amp;#039;s must be male.New: A man can be a member of the bridal party; a woman can be a groomsman.Peggy says: A man or woman can serve as an honor attendant for the opposite sex, if duties are adapted appropriately. (For instance, a guy shouldn&amp;#039;t help the bride get dressed!) When should I RSVP? Immediately. The couple is holding a spot for you. If you can&amp;#039;t attend, they may want to invite someone else. Most invitations include a preaddressed, stamped envelope, leaving you no excuse for not responding pronto.  Are my children invited? The names on the outside envelope indicate who&amp;#039;s invited. If your children&amp;#039;s names aren&amp;#039;t there, don&amp;#039;t take it personally \u2014 and don&amp;#039;t try to bully the couple into including them by writing their names on the RSVP card or by simply bringing them along to the wedding.  Can I change my &amp;quot;yes&amp;quot; RSVP? No. Yes. No. See how confusing it can be? Once you accept, you&amp;#039;re obliged to attend. The only excuses: There&amp;#039;s a death in your family or you&amp;#039;ve taken suddenly ill. In these cases, call the bride or groom to apologize. Needless to say, don&amp;#039;t pull a last-minute no-show.  Dilemma: You&amp;#039;ve been invited to three showers for the same bride. Yikes! This is going to cost a bundle.Solution: It&amp;#039;s perfectly acceptable to attend one shower and politely decline the other two. Or, if you like, attend all three, but give only one &amp;quot;serious&amp;quot; gift and spend less for the others.  Dilemma: On the reception response card, there&amp;#039;s no dinner option that fits your vegetarian/vegan/Atkins diet.Solution: It&amp;#039;s impolite for a guest to enter a special meal request. In most cases, you can make do with something that&amp;#039;s being served. But if you fear you&amp;#039;ll starve, eat something before you leave home. If you have an allergy, discreetly ask the waiter how the food was prepared.  Dilemma: You sent a gift months ago but haven&amp;#039;t received a thank-you.Solution: Your present may have fallen into a postal black hole \u2014 or the happy couple has fallen behind on thank-you notes. Either way, you&amp;#039;ll want to know. There&amp;#039;s nothing wrong with asking if your gift arrived safely, as long as you do so politely.   This is an old custom that nowadays makes some guests feel awkward. Here&amp;#039;s how to greet with grace:    Know who will be in the lineup. Typically, it&amp;#039;s bride and groom, moms and sometimes dads, and the best man and maid of honor. Bridesmaids are optional.   Avoid carrying food or drinks through the line. Give your full attention to your hosts.    &amp;quot;What will I say?!&amp;quot; This is actually easy: Offer a quick &amp;quot;Congratulations&amp;quot; or &amp;quot;What a beautiful wedding&amp;quot; with a handshake or a kiss to the couple and their parents.    If you don&amp;#039;t know one of the greeters, introduce yourself: &amp;quot;I&amp;#039;m Jane, from Susan&amp;#039;s office.&amp;quot;    If the person ahead of you is chatty Cathy, be as brief as you can, to keep the line moving along smoothly. There&amp;#039;ll be time for real gushing later on.  Engagement Party  No gift required. That&amp;#039;s because engagements used to be surprise announcements, rather than planned parties. Close friends and family may give presents if they choose. (These tend to be meaningful, like a family heirloom, rather than expensive, like a plasma TV.) Since not everyone will bring a gift, packages should be opened after, not during, the party. Bachelorette Party  No gift required. Female attendants and close friends typically chip in to cover the bride&amp;#039;s expenses for this fun evening out. If you&amp;#039;re invited, ask the host how you can contribute.  Shower  Gift required if you attend; no gift required if you don&amp;#039;t. (Though if you&amp;#039;re a close friend or relative, you might still opt to give one; send it in advance to the home of the host, who can give it to the bride at the shower.) Ask the host where the bride is registered, if there&amp;#039;s a theme and if there&amp;#039;s anything in particular the bride would like. Spend less than you would on a wedding gift.  Wedding Gift required, even if you don&amp;#039;t attend. Send it to the couple ahead of time, so they don&amp;#039;t have to lug it home from the reception. If you don&amp;#039;t ship it before the wedding, do it soon after (the idea that you have a year is a myth). Base spending on local custom and on how well you know the couple.  Second Wedding  No gift required...especially if you attended the first wedding and gave a present. Close friends and family may choose to buy a gift for the couple, particularly if it&amp;#039;s a first wedding for the bride or groom. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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