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"   Question I am in a relationship with my boyfriend and have been for two years now.  In my past I was raped by an ex-boyfriend and that was when I lost my confidence. I love the boyfriend I have now and it&amp;#039;s my first real serious relationship, since the attack. My problem is that I can&amp;#039;t trust him. He says he&amp;#039;d never go off with another girl, but I feel in my heart he would. It&amp;#039;s, causing a lot of rows in the relationship. I&amp;#039;m getting help to get over the rape. My boyfriend is younger than me and when he goes out with his mates I always worry that he&amp;#039;s with another woman. I believe when you chat to another girl that it&amp;#039;s wrong when you are in a relationship - I never chat to other blokes because I&amp;#039;m too insecure. I love him very much but I can&amp;#039;t handle the way things are going these days. When I want to say something he says I&amp;#039;m trying to start a row, but I&amp;#039;m not. I&amp;#039;m so unhappy that I wish I had not been born.   Answer David writes: I&amp;#039;m really sorry to hear about this. You&amp;#039;re obviously in quite a bit of emotional trouble - and so is your relationship. Clearly, a lot of your problems are related to the dreadful experience of rape in the past . Poor you.  You say &amp;#039;I&amp;#039;m getting help with my rape&amp;#039; - which I presume means some sort of advice or therapy. But your really do need some intensive counselling, related not only to the rape, but also to your present fragile relationship.  Maybe your boyfriend would agree to come to this counselling with you? Over to Christine ... Christine adds: I too am very sorry about how you&amp;#039;re feeling. Like David, I think you need more help than you&amp;#039;re getting. But it&amp;#039;s difficult for me to know just what your next move should be because I know so little about you.  I don&amp;#039;t know where you are in the UK. I don&amp;#039;t know what sort of counselling you&amp;#039;re getting - and how experienced that counsellor is. And I don&amp;#039;t know how long you&amp;#039;ve been having it. I certainly don&amp;#039;t want to go against anything you&amp;#039;re working on with this counsellor, but it seems to me that your big issues are all to do with self-esteem - and this is where you need the most help. I also feel that you are depressed. This is entirely understandable given everything that has happened, but it also needs professional treatment.  If you genuinely feel that you wish you&amp;#039;d never been born, then this is something you can&amp;#039;t handle alone. I think you should discuss your very sad thought with your counsellor, and discuss with her the possibility of extra help with this.  Your GP would be the obvious starting point here. And/or you could ring The Samaritans any time you felt sad. Their number is: 08457 909090.  I would also recommend that you do the self-esteem test on this site. When you&amp;#039;ve done the test, you&amp;#039;ll find that you are directed towards certain courses of action dependent upon your results. Finally, on a more down to earth sort of level, I think you need to develop more of a life for yourself that is not concerned with your boyfriend.  If you were doing an evening class in something - dance, French, computer studies , whatever \u2013 or going out with masses of girlfriends, or doing some voluntary work \u2013 you would feel like more of a complete person and then you wouldn&amp;#039;t be so bothered about what he might or might not be getting up to.  You see, no matter if a relationship is made in heaven, none of us - not me, not you, no one - can ever get cast iron guarantees in life that our partner is going to be faithful for ever.  So, for as long as we worry about this, or demand this, we are always going to be distressing ourselves. The only person in life we can be in charge of - and make demands of - is really our self. I do hope that what we have said will help and that you will begin to feel much happier really soon.  Yours sincerely Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, sex and relationships expert  Other Qs &amp;amp;amp; As Am I wrong for feeling so insecure? Boyfriend of 15 years is suddenly distant Can I really trust him? Can I trust my wife again?  Can we have a real relationship? Does my girlfriend need some space? Has my wife rejected me? He did all the chasing and now says he\u2019s better off single  He doesn\u2019t love me, and just wants \u2018fun\u2019 I am so hurt and betrayed that I don&amp;#039;t know if I can trust my husband I can\u2019t trust my boyfriend  I don&amp;#039;t trust my girlfriend I don&amp;#039;t want an engagement I love her, but she lives so far away I\u2019m depressed, and my boyfriend pays no attention to me I\u2019m in an up and down relationship I\u2019m keen on a new man, but I\u2019m getting confusing signals from him I\u2019m two months pregnant by my ex \u2013 but he doesn\u2019t want to know Is my lazy partner taking advantage of me? My boyfriend is cold towards me My girlfriend wants a break to spend time on her own My husband has had an affair My husband is married to the church  My husband is using a \u2018sex contact\u2019 service  My husband lost interest in me sexually when I got pregnant My husband seems to be \u2018married\u2019 to his job My husband works abroad and the last time I saw him he was very withdrawn My wife doesn\u2019t have sexual feelings for me  She is pregnant, but I am not ready to be a father Should I confront my girlfriend about her travelling exploits? Should I tell her about my mistake? Torn between two women Why am I scared of relationships? Will therapy help me? Why aren&amp;#039;t I ready to commit? Why do I feel insecure about my relationship? Why has my partner suddenly gone off our planned marriage and left me?  Last updated 23.09.2007 "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
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