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"A good friend just called me up in a panic. She goes through this every year when she has to shop for Christmas presents for her husband and mother-in-law. She&amp;#39;s been married a long time, so it&amp;#39;s not a matter of what-will-they-think-of-me performance anxiety. The problem is the husband has everything, and the mother-in-law\u2026\nThe mother-in-law is what really got us talking. She has a bit of a self-abnegation problem. Meaning, luxury treats and perfumes and products&amp;#8212;those failsafes for the older woman whose children are grown&amp;#8212;do not work on her. She finds them to be &amp;quot;too indulgent.&amp;quot; (Gifts of creams and bath salts and perfumes stay in the wrapper. What is she waiting for?, asked my friend. She&amp;#39;s not getting any younger.)\nSo I posed this question: when it comes to getting gifts for loved ones, do you get them what they want or what you think they need? Back before my father died, on one of his last birthdays, my siblings and I bought him some clothes&amp;#8212;a lovely grey cashmere sweater and some jeans (the man lost all desire to dress up in his later years, so it fell to others to make sure he had a non-holey pair in his dresser). That was fine but then controversy erupted over a mint green linen shirt we saw at Saks. My brother, sister and I all sort of hated it but we knew my dad would love it. If memory serves, I was the one who convinced them to go for it. We looked at it and thought, Ick, sensitive new age guy-wear, but then it wasn&amp;#39;t a gift for us. And of course, Dad wore it constantly and really enjoyed it.\nSo back to mothers-in-law, family members, and people you know well enough to want to provide with semi-corrective presents. Do you please them or you? Ideally you do both, but how? I&amp;#39;d love your answers to this riddle, not to mention some gift ideas for a 60-year-old woman immune to sweet somethings.\n&amp;#8212;Alex"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.glamour.com/story/please-advise>