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"\n\tAdvertisement - Continue Reading Below\n\t\n\n\\n\n\nI'm a sexologist, and it's pretty much the best job ever. Back in February, I opened up to Cosmopolitan.com about what it's like to date me. I revealed that I'm knowledgeable about BJs, I'm secure with my body, and I get thousands of dollars worth of free sex toys every year that my boyfriend, Ryan, got to try out with me. Although in one experiment he ended up with exploding candy on his penis, he must have gotten over it, because since our story was published, we got married!I also told readers that although Ryan and I had been together for five years, we'd never had sex without a condom. \"I teach safe sex to kids, and I do practice what I preach as far as pregnancy prevention,\" I said.Turns out: our highly-protected (and awesome) sex really pissed off a reader of our Cosmo article named Ralph Kaplan. Just last week, he felt compelled to send me this appalling, ballsy email:\"I read that you have been with your guy for five years and have never had sex with him without using condoms. What is the point of that? What are you trying to prove? Now that you are MARRIED to him, are you going to allow him to have some condomless / bareback / raw / 'naked penis' sex with you? You are not doing anything to help further the cause of sexual health by denying your husband of this perfectly natural activity that almost every other married couple in the world enjoys on a regular basis. If anything, you are discrediting yourself with this silly campaign. I agree with you that condoms are a fact of life and arguably a necessity for those who are having sexual relations outside of a monogamous relationship, but it is ridiculous to promote them for people who are married or in committed relationships. Hormonal birth control works just fine for pregnancy prevention, and monogamy (with an uninfected partner) is 100% effective in preventing STIs. For a man, using a condom feels almost like wearing a piece of tupperware on his dick, and I do not understand why anyone would bother with them when they don't have to\u2026especially you and your HUSBAND.\"This was my most WTF sexologist moment to date. Where does one get the AUDACITY to send a perfect stranger an email outlining their thoughts on what that person should do with her vagina? F*CK YOU, DUDE!Even though I am now married, I stand by my decision to use condoms and know it's right for me, right now\u2014for my body, my life, and my relationship. I understand that for many a married couple, using condoms might be something they've never heard of before. Therefore in my role as a sexologist (not speaking for myself personally), I'll share some reasons why a married couple might choose to use condoms.1. Maybe one or both of them isn't monogamous. Maybe they're swingers, or polyamorists, or unfaithful. Maybe they have threesomes and orgies.2. Maybe one or both of them has an infection. Maybe one of them was born HIV positive. Maybe one of them contracted herpes from a previous partner, or from childhood sexual abuse, and doesn't want to infect the other. Maybe one of them works in a career that has them coming into regular contact with blood-borne pathogens.3. Maybe they use condoms because they don't want children yet or ever, but the woman can't take hormonal birth control because she has cardiovascular disease and it would put her at high risk for stroke, or because it gives her severe nausea. Maybe it's against her religion, or she just doesn't like synthetic hormones in her body. Maybe condoms are a back-up in addition to birth control pills for a woman who is known to be forgetful with taking them, or has gotten pregnant while being on the pill before and prefers a condom as a safety net.\n\tAdvertisement - Continue Reading Below\n\t\n\n4. Maybe they use condoms because they like condoms. Maybe they think the ones that have warming and cooling sensations, or ribbed ones with tingling lube, feel good and add to their sexual enjoyment.5. Maybe a married couple uses condoms to prolong the sexual encounter and make the man last longer before orgasming.6. Maybe their favorite part of the sexual encounter is holding each other afterwards, and condoms make it such that they can lay there and cuddle with minimal interruption for clean-up.7. Maybe one or both of them was raped by someone not wearing a condom, and bare ejaculation in the body is triggering.\n\nI detailed all of the above, and then some, in an open letter at my blog. It was a 5,000 word line-by-line dismantling of Ralph's entitlement, his misogynistic belief that I \"owe\" my husband, or anyone for that matter, my body in any way that I don't want. I'm honored to say my letter went viral, getting picked up at sites like Reddit. One reader even started an indiegogo campaign in my honor to help me raise funds for my sexuality education work, which is often unpaid or underpaid.As a writer, I was flattered at the popular response. As a feminist and sexologist, I was dismayed. The fact that my open letter resonated with so many people indicates to me that inappropriate, invasive, and derogatory emails from men weren't being sent to me because I'm a sexologist, or because I write about sex publically. I get these emails because I'm a woman, and I speak, and so many people across the internet who aren't sexologists and aren't public figures related to me because they also dared to speak while female, and have experienced similar unsolicited emails.Ralph was wrong about many things, including his understanding of my professional opinion about condoms. I'm not \"pro\" condoms per se, I'm \"pro\" providing factually-based information and encouraging people to use that information to make a decision that's right for them. That's because I believe no one has the right to tell anyone else how to use their body, ever. Not sexologists. Not husbands. And certainly not intruding Internet trolls.Follow Jill McDevitt on Twitter @sexologistjill."^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/celebs/news/a4661/sexologist-jill-mcdevitt/>