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"__An Interview With Joseph Grenny__\\n\\n\\n\\n*Grenny is the coauthor of* Crucial Confrontations *(McGraw Hill).*\\n\\nWhen you have to face a colleague every day, resolving a thorny issue can be difficult. But doing so may be more productive than letting the problem fester\u2014provided it doesn't turn nasty.\\n\\n\\n\\n\u2022\u00A0 __ Choose your battles.__ Before you confront someone, consider your motivation. If you're simply irritated at a comment made in a meeting or out to prove that you were right and she was wrong, then it might be wise to just cool off. But if staying silent will allow a problem to continue\u2014one that could ruin an important project or hinder your ability to work with her or others\u2014then it's time to speak up.\\n\\n\\n\\n\u2022\u00A0 __ Don't vent.__ Resist the urge to complain about someone before you have a chance to speak with her. Not only does this make you angrier; it also creates gossip that could worsen the problem. If you need advice, consult one trusted friend in the office who is impartial (and discreet).\\n\\n\\n\\n\u2022\u00A0 __ Plan your approach.__ Call or email the person in question to arrange a time to talk. Simply say, \\\"I'd like to discuss something with you. Do you have a few minutes?\\\" Suggest speaking in her office or a conference room with a door. But don't do it before a meeting or first thing in the morning, when she might be tense or unfocused.\\n\\n\\n\\n\u2022\u00A0 __ Be direct.__ When you bring up the problem, stick to the facts. Keep emotion out of the discussion by avoiding phrases like \\\"I feel.\\\" Also, try not to start sentences with \\\"You always,\\\" which sounds accusatory. Instead, tell her that you respect her but are concerned about an issue, and want to work together to reach a resolution. Don't suggest reasons for her behavior\u2014that gets you off the topic.\\n\\n\\n\\n\u2022\u00A0 __ End it peacefully.__ If you're unable to rectify the situation, you may have to stop the conversation. Say, \\\"I don't think we're going to reach a solution. Let's discuss this with a manager.\\\" It's a last resort, since involving others could reflect badly on you. But you can prevent this by keeping the mood professional and offering to see the boss together. This shows you're cooperative and looking for a resolution, not out for revenge.\\n\\n#### See Also\\n\\n- [How to Deal with Difficult People](http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/how-to/2010/deal_with_difficult_people)\\n\\n\\n- [Is Your Job Making You Fat?](http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/how-to/2010/job_making_you_fat\\\\#slide=1)\\n\\n\\n- [How to Dress for the Office Now](http://www.allure.com/beauty-trends/how-to/2010/dress_for_the_office_now)"^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.allure.com/story/how-to-confront-a-coworker>