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" 1. Pull your pants up. You&amp;#039;re not fifteen, you&amp;#039;re not a rapper, and we need to see the shape of your ass. 2. Pull your pants down. You&amp;#039;re not eighty-five, you&amp;#039;re not an accountant, and we don&amp;#039;t need to see the shape of your balls. 3. Breasts are not a speed bump to the promised land. 4. Yes, we want you to be more verbal. No, burping doesn&amp;#039;t count. 5. Kissing is something that you need to stay engaged in, even if all the blood is rushing out of your head and into other parts of your body. 6. Speaking of which, though it might make for a cool carnival sideshow, our entire face will not fit inside your mouth, and thus this makes for lousy kissing. 7. If we&amp;#039;re crying and you&amp;#039;re holding us and get a hard-on, we automatically deduct points. 8. And getting a boner while we&amp;#039;re sleeping next to you is not an excuse to wake us up. This is not what they mean by serendipity. 9. We pay closer attention to your hands than you think. It&amp;#039;s bad enough if you don&amp;#039;t have manly hands, but if your nails are longer than ours, forget it. 10. You don&amp;#039;t get a vote in the preferred shape of our pubic hair. Until you&amp;#039;ve had hot wax poured all over your crotch, you&amp;#039;re merely a passenger on that flight.  Courteney Cox plays a tabloid editor on FX&amp;#039;s Dirt. "^^<http://www.w3.org/2001/XMLSchema#string>
<http://www.esquire.com/lifestyle/sex/interviews/a2153/esq030710things/>